[The episode begins at Mr. Krabs' house. A boat drives up to the curb where a handsome narwhal named Dylan is dropping Pearl off.]
- Pearl: Oh, thanks for the ride, Dylan. [blinks her eyelids]
- Dylan: No problem, Pearl. You still going for that party tonight? [waves his hair]
- Pearl: [gasps] Oh-ho! You bet! [melts herself out of the boat]
- Dylan: Nautical. [clicks his tongue] I'll pick ya up at eight. [drives away]
[Pearl is incredibly head of heels with her new boyfriend. She sighs and gently floats to the door, leaving a trail of dust that forms the word, "Swoon". Pearl's floating crashes through the front door and floats over to Mr. Krabs. She stops floating when she wakes up from her daydreaming.]
- Mr. Krabs: Again? Come on, Pearly-girl, we're running low on doors here! [picks out a door from the closet and pastes it to the front door]
- Pearl: Oh, I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm just so excited about going to the big party tonight! I—I—I just had to...
- Mr. Krabs: [cuts Pearl off] Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Sorry, sweetie. [puts on his hat]Daddy's going out to play cards with the boys tonight. [his teeth is full of cards, his spits them out, and puts them in his sleeve]
- Pearl: But, but Daddy!
- Mr. Krabs: No buts! I can't be worrying about you all night, honey.
- Pearl: [begins to tear up] But, Daddy, I just want to go to the party! [her eyes fill up with tears]
- Mr. Krabs: Oh, shrimp.
[Mr. Krabs takes cover and Pearl cries a huge fountain of tears.]
- Mr. Krabs: Whoa!
[Pearl's tears destroyed everything it touched. The tears destroy a plant and a picture on the shelf. The tears destroy the picture of Grandpa Redbeard, a grandfather clock and Mr. Krabs' first dollar. The grandfather clock coo-coos three times. Mr. Krabs hiding under a footrest. But Pearl's tears destroy it. Mr. Krabs cowers himself from the tears.]
- Mr. Krabs: Whew. [his pants rip off] Hmm? [sees his butt showing] Ahh! [covers his ripped pants with tape]There, there, me little beluga. It'll be okay. I hired Mr. Squidward to babysit just like when you were little.
[Pictures of Squidward babysitting Pearl are shown. The first one shows Squidward pushing baby Pearl in her cradle. The second one shows baby Pearl crying while flooding the house and Squidward swimming for his life. And the third one shows Squidward holding baby Pearl in his lap.]
- Pearl: Ew, Dad! Squidward is so lame.
- Mr. Krabs: Lame, schmame. You and Squidward will have so much fun. You won't want to go anywhere. But just in case. [pushes the button and barricades the doors and windows with prison bars] You won't be able to go anywhere! [cackles until he hears a knock at the door] Oh, just in time.
[Squidward is knocking on the door with a confident smile. He looks at the door and wonders why it's barricaded. Just then, Mr. Krabs answers the door.]
- Mr. Krabs: Squidward! Thanks for keeping an eye on me little Pearl tonight.
- Squidward: No problem.
- Mr. Krabs: Remember our deal, Squidward. Keep Pearl out of trouble and I'll give you one shift a week without SpongeBob. But if anything happens to my little angel...
[Mr. Krabs pulls SpongeBob out from his pocket. SpongeBob laughs and makes crazy, but creepy faces at Squidward.]
- Squidward: No! Please! Anything but that! Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. [Mr. Krabs puts SpongeBob back in his pocket] You can count on me.
- Mr. Krabs: I knew I could. [gets into his boat and drives away]
- Squidward: Whew!
- Pearl: Oh, thanks for watching the house tonight, Squidward. I'll be back late. So, you know, don't wait up for [gets snagged by a fishing hook] me!
- Squidward: [grunts as he struggles to reel Pearl back] Your dad said we have to stay in tonight! [grunts]But that doesn't mean we can't have [grunts] fun!
[Pearl flops around like a fish and Squidward drags her back in the house. The scene changes to Squidward and Pearl sitting at a table together.]
- Squidward: [digs through his backpack] Look. [takes out a whale-shaped doll] We can play with this setaceous Sally doll. [takes out crayons and a coloring book] Or we could color this princess coloring book. [holds up a tape cassette] Or we could sing along with—Ahh!
[Squidward notices that Pearl is gone and sees the ripped up doll on the floor.]
- Squidward: Uh, Sally!
[Squidward goes to look for Pearl and sees the coloring book and crayons on the floor.]
- Squidward: [picks up the book, looks in it, and screams] Outside the lines! [drops the book]
[Squidward rushes upstairs and goes to Pearl's bedroom door.]
- Squidward: [knocks on the door] Pearl? [peaks in] Hello? [goes in her room and sees Pearl ripped wall paper and posters as if she is secretly making piñatas] Hmm, hey, uh, Pearl. Um, whatcha' up to?
- Pearl: Arts and crafts!
- Squidward: Hey, I dabble in the arts myself. Maybe I can help.
[Pearl turns one of her crafts around and reveals the words "R.I.P Squidward" with skull and cross bones.]
- Squidward: [freaks out] Uh, never mind. Uh, you seem to have that under control. I'll just, um, be out here if you need me. Or not. Definitely not. [leaves Pearl's room and sits on a chair] That is one morbid teen.
- Pearl: That outta keep him out of my hair.
[Pearl hears a horn honking outside the house. She opens the curtains and sees Dylan parked outside waiting for her. Dylan picks his teeth with a toothpick and looks at his watch. Dylan honks the horn again.]
- Pearl: It's go-time!
[Pearl takes out her little mirror and takes a look from outside her room. She sees Squidward sound asleep near the door. She goes to put her craft-shaped head on the bed to fool Squidward. She lifts her Boys Who Cry poster, drills a hole through the wall with her tears and sneaks into the wall. She climbs down through the wall and comes out from below the house. She accidentally slams the house really hard and wakes up Squidward.]
- Squidward: [screams] Oh. [gets up] What's happening? [opens her bedroom door] Pearl? Oh. You asleep? Aw, she must've tuckered herself out.
[Squidward taps on the Pearl's head-shaped craft and it slides off the bed.]
- Squidward: [screams] Oh, no! Maybe if we get it on ice, then can reattach it—[backs into the wall where Pearl made the home to escape] Ahh!
[Squidward falls through the wall of the house and landed near the bottom of the front door. He digs himself underneath and comes out of the ground with the craft on his head. He pokes his eyes and mouth through the craft when he sees Pearl about to drive away with Dylan.]
- Squidward: Huh?
- Pearl: Oh, thanks for the ride, Dylan.
- Dylan: No prob.
[Dylan drives away with Pearl. Squidward breaks free from the ground and des the craft.]
- Squidward: She's gone! Krabs is gonna kill me!
[Squidward rushes to his recumbent bicycle. He pumps air in the back tire, puts on elbow pads and a helmet. He checks the tire and adds more air in it. He puts the air pump in the basket and hastily hops on the bike. He looks both ways and goes after Pearl. Meanwhile, Dylan is driving past a sign that says, "surface".]
- Pearl: Um, that sign said "surface." Are you sure this is the way? [giggles]
- Dylan: For sure, babe. We're going to a breach party.
- Pearl: Oh, I've never been to one of those before. Sounds exciting.
[Dylan hits the accelerator and quickly drives the boat up a high cliff.]
- Dylan: Whoo!
[Meanwhile, Squidward is riding his bike trying to look for Pearl.]
- Squidward: Hmm. Mm-hmm. [stops and picks up some dirt] Hmm. Still warm. [sees the sign that says "surface"] The surface, eh? That SpongeBob-free shift will be mine! [He starts to go up the high cliff, but only gets a few hundred yards before his legs start to buckle. He slips back down but he doesn't dare let his bike reach the bottom. Groaning, he keeps biking up that vertical stretch of road] SpongeBob-shift—[grunts] mine!
[At the breach party near the surface, the party goers are having a great time. Some are watching television, eating pizza and drinking soda. Pearl, Dylan and other teenagers are roasting marshmallows over a hydrothermal vent. Pearl munches on the marshmallow on Dylan's narwhal tooth.]
- Pearl: Mmm! Oh-ho, Dylan.
[Several teens are having a breaching contest by chugging down soda and jumping to the surface. One teen chugs down some of the soda.]
- Teens: [chanting] Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
[The teen stops chugging and a bigger teen shakes him up to have him breach the surface.]
- Teens: [chanting] Breach! Breach! Breach! Breach! Breach! Breach!
[The small teen floats to the surface and burps. Then he falls back down in the water.]
- Teens: Whoo-hoo!
[Pearl, Dylan and the other teens dance to the music on the radio. Moments later, Squidward makes it up the cliff and his completely exhausted.]
- Squidward: Pearl!
- Teens: [stop dancing and gasp] Huh? What?
- Squidward: You have to come home right away! We can do whatever you want if we go back now! I'll even play us some jazz! [pulls out his clarinet] Kids love jazz!
[Squidward attempts to play music on his clarinet, but his lousy music makes Pearl, Dylan, and the party goers cringe.]
- Squidward: ♪Come on, Pearl. Let's go home. I can't be here all alone. Let's get back, before we're dead. [one teen covers his face with his hood and another hides in the beach umbrella] Skiddle-bobba-doo-diddle-bop-bop, yeah!♪
[Squidward's "jazzy" music creates agony to the teens.]
- Teen #1: No! Jazz making me nerdier! [his face grows pimples, his arms grow smaller and his shirt changes from "cool" to "school"]
[One teen grows braces and his clothing turns into band clothes. Another teen's sunglasses becomes reading glasses. Pearl and Dylan cover their ears from Squidward's music.]
- Pearl: Oh, this is so embarrassing!
- Dylan: Forget him, Pearl. Let's breach.
[Dylan leads Pearl away from Squidward and goes to the breaching competition of the party. One teen breaches upward over the surface and comes back down into the water.]
- Teens: Yeah! [gives high-fives to each other] Yeah! Yes! Yeah!
- Pearl: Uh, I don't know. Is it dangerous?
- Dylan: Uh-uh, babe. It's nautical. [waves his hair]
[Pearl gasps and giggles.]
- Squidward: Pearl! What about yo-yos? Kids love yo-yos! [gets tangled up in the yo-yos]
- Pearl: Okay, let's do it! One, two, three, [breaches up really high over the surface] Yahoo! This is so coral! [falls and ends up beached on Bikini Atoll's shore; she gasps and flops around] Dylan, help! This isn't nautical!
[The teens see Pearl's feet dangling at the surface.]
- Teen #2: Oh, man! She's beached!
- Dylan: We're gonna be in so much trouble!
- Teen #3: Leave her! Let's cheese it!
- Teen #4: Let's get out of here!
[Dylan and the teens ditch Pearl and leave.]
- Pearl: [continues to flop around] Oh, no!
- Squidward: Pearl, are you alright?
- Pearl: Oh, Squidward, I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you.
- Squidward: It's okay! Let's just get you outta' here.
[Squidward grabs Pearl's feet and struggles to pull her back down. But he ends up pulling her shoes off and he goes flying backwards. He tries pulling her again, but ends up tearing his own arms off.]
- Squidward: Okay, okay, just hold on a second![He darts off]
- Pearl: Hold on? What are you—Ahh!
[Squidward plugs her blowhole with the air pump. He pumps air through Pearl's blowhole, making her inflate like a balloon. Pearl floats up high in the air. Squidward pulls the air pump out of Pearl's blowhole.]
- Pearl: Huh?
[Pearl flies around all over the sky until she runs out of air. She falls back down into the water and lands gently into Squidward's bike. The party is completely trashed and all of the party goers including Dylan are gone.]
- Pearl: [tears up and cries] I can't believe Dylan ditched me! My life is over!
- Squidward: Oh, I don't think it's that bad.
[Pearl violently cries a fountain of tears. The tears rip of some of the leave of Bikini Atolls palm trees, scaring several seagulls in the process. Squidward cowers himself in fear.]
- Squidward: I'll, um, just get you home.
[Squidward struggles to paddle his bike to bring Pearl home.]
- French Narrator: Many, many minutes later...
[Squidward manages to bring Pearl home after a really long and exhausting ride. The bike's tires break into pieces and Pearl gets off to go in the house.]
- Pearl: [sighs] Guess I'll just wait for my dad to get home.
- Squidward: You know, there is a way we can still have a little fun tonight.
- Pearl: Really?
[The scene changes to Pearl and Squidward running up to Dylan's house with a bag. Pearl rings the doorbell and she and Squidward hide behind Dylan's boat.]
- Dylan: [answers the door] Like, hello?
[Dylan sees the bag and picks it up. He goes to look in the bag. When suddenly, the bag explodes, revealing SpongeBob inside. SpongeBob laughs and makes the same crazy and creepy faces from before. Dylan screams in horror and runs away. SpongeBob then chases after Dylan. Squidward and Pearl both laugh now that their revenge against Dylan is final, thus ending the episode.]