[The episode begins on a dark and spooky, Halloween night. Jellyfishes fly out of an old, sunken ship with bat-wigs and fly towards Bikini Bottom. In the city, trick-or-treaters are walking in the streets with costumes and everyone is having a great time.]
Trick-Or-Treater 1: I wanted to be Mermaid Man this year.
Trick-Or-Treater 2: Trick or treat.
[On a rooftop of a building, one citizen is putting a ghost-shaped balloon on the roof.]
Citizen: I love Halloween. [gets zapped by the jellyfish] Whoa! [falls off the roof]
[The jellyfish fly over to SpongeBob's house, where SpongeBob is putting up decorations for Halloween.]
SpongeBob: Ah! [takes out glitter from his pocket and blows it on the banner] Hm... Mm-hm. It's scary, but... [adds more glitter on the house until it is sparkly; then he cuts the banner in half, making it look like the word, "Hallo"; just then, the jellyfish fly over to SpongeBob.] Oh. Hello. [pulls out a Halloween cookie and laughs; the jellyfish eat the cookie and they zap him; SpongeBob screams; the jellyfish leave and SpongeBob waves good-bye; then he slides down the ladder to take a look at his house] Hm...
[At that same moment, Patrick, who is wearing a knight costume, comes by.]
SpongeBob: Hello, Sir Patrick. How do you like my decorations?
[Patrick flips open his helmet to look at SpongeBob's house.]
Patrick: Those are too cute for Halloween, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick, Halloween is cute. Sharing candy, holding hands, singing songs. It's a bright and cheery time of year.
Patrick: I thought it was about getting your pants scared off. Hey, where's your costume?
SpongeBob:[chuckles] Close your eyes. [Patrick closes his helmet and SpongeBob turns around to put on his costume] Okay. Open 'em. [Patrick peeks his eyes through his helmet and sees that SpongeBob's costume is literally a flower] ♪I'm a lovely flower♪ Ooh...
Patrick: Oh, that's not scary either, SpongeBob. Wait, I'll show you what scary is. [picks up SpongeBob and carries him to Squidward's house while SpongeBob laughs]
Trick-Or-Treaters: Let's go to this house.
[The trick or treaters walk up to Squidward's house.]
Squidward:[spectrally] Oh... There is no candy here...
Trick-Or-Treater 3: What?
Squidward: Only onions! [rolls onions out of his house] Now move along. Ooh...
[The trick-or-treaters flee from Squidward's house.]
Patrick: No candy. That is so scary. Right, SpongeBob? SpongeBob? [Patrick feels a rattling motion in his costume; he opens it and finds SpongeBob hiding in it] SpongeBob, why are you hiding in there? You'll miss all the scary stuff.
SpongeBob: I don't want to see the scary stuff, Patrick. Okay? I admit it. I love trick-or-treating, but I am too afraid to go out on Halloween!
Patrick: SpongeBob, don't you know the old saying? "The only thing you have to fear is..." [thinks for a second] Yourself! [looks in the mirror] Aah! Stop staring at me like that! No! [puts his mirror down] See? It's all in your head, SpongeBob. You just have to remember one simple trick, and that is: scary equals funny.
SpongeBob: Scary equals funny. Hm. Never looked at it that way before. [pulls himself out of Patrick's costume] Doink. All right. I'll go out. [sees the ghost balloon floating by and screams]
SpongeBob: Here I am. [reveals himself hiding in Patrick's mouth; he shivers] Just looking for cavities. Nope. None here. Oh, let's go out and get scared.
[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking up to Sandy's treedome.]
Patrick: Sure you can handle this, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Oh, I'll be fine, Patrick. Really. But can we hold hands, just in case you get scared?
[SpongeBob and Patrick enter Sandy's treedome, which has been made into a science lab.]
[Just then, a dark, shadowy figure creeps up behind SpongeBob and Patrick. The shadowy figure turned out to be Sandy in her mad scientist costume.]
Sandy: Welcome to my lab, SpongeBob and Patrick. I am the evil Dr. Franken-Cheeks.
SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Sandy. I didn't recognize you. [laughs]
Patrick: Uh, yeah, great costume.
Sandy: Oh, thanks, guys. Now, feast your fingers on my jars of horror!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoa...
Sandy: Stick your hand in the jar and guess what's inside...If you dare!
SpongeBob: Oy. [sticks his hand in a jar and feels noodles] Ew. Oh. Ew, it feels like worm guts.
Sandy: Wrong! [removes napkin to reveal noodles] It's just noodles.
SpongeBob:[laughs] Oh, I'm savvy to this game, Sandy. [sticks his hand in a second jar and feels a squishy brain] So these brains are probably a slimy head of lettuce, or maybe some boiled broccoli.
Sandy: Wrong! It's—[removes napkin but reveals that Patrick is in the jar] Patrick? Get out of there.
Patrick: Don't stop, SpongeBob. That's the spot. Ah...
SpongeBob: Patrick, you really got me. [laughs]
[SpongeBob continues poking Patrick's brain. Patrick makes some weird faces including the one where he sticks his eyeballs out with his tongue.]
Sandy: Ew! [cuts to Sandy showing SpongeBob and Patrick her creation] How impolite of me! I forgot to introduce you to my little friend. [reveals an acorn monster puppet underneath the tarp]
SpongeBob and Patrick:[timidly] Oh...
SpongeBob: That's the most realistic fake monster I ever saw.
[The puppet comes to life and looks at SpongeBob and Patrick.]
Sandy:[as the acorn monster] Who are you calling fake?! [roars; SpongeBob and Patrick scream; Sandy laughs and activates the puppet; the puppet chases SpongeBob and Patrick] Fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell the fear of a scared SpongeBob! [laughs manically]
[SpongeBob and Patrick gibber in panic. The puppet grabs SpongeBob and Patrick.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoa!
[The puppet eats them. Then it opens up its stomach to reveal that SpongeBob and Patrick are terrified on the spooky gadget inside. Then they pop out.]
SpongeBob: I love it! Oh, thank you, Sandy. That was so much fun. Patrick, you were right. Scary equals funny.
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: Hooray!
[The scene changes to Squidward and Mr. Krabs setting up a haunted tourist attraction, as well as the Halloween party, for the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is dressed as a dollar bill while Squidward appears to not be wearing a costume. SpongeBob and Patrick walk by.]
Mr. Krabs: Come in and see the horrors of the Chum Bucket.
[SpongeBob and Patrick enter inside. Patrick moans in fear. Inside, they see displays of Plankton doing scary things at the Chum Bucket.]
Mr. Krabs:[voiceover] Ha, ha, ha, ha! I'm Plankton! Ha, ha, ha, I'm evil! [laughs manically, but coughs]
[SpongeBob and Patrick exit the place, laughing.]
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
Mr. Krabs: What are you two laughing about? There's nothing funny about the food abuse that goes on at the Chum Bucket! You should be terrified!
SpongeBob: Oh, sorry, Mr. Krabs, but our new philosophy is "scary equals funny."
Squidward: Yeah, and funny divided by two idiots equals stupid.
Mr. Krabs: I don't get it. When I was a kid, Halloween meant 24 continuous hours of screaming your head off! These kids today...
[Patrick laughs as Mr. Krabs and Squidward turn and leave in disbelief.]
Plankton:[voiceover and wails] Come to the Chum Bucket, and witness the horrors of the Krusty Krab! You may never eat a Krabby Patty again! [laughs]
SpongeBob: Ready for more funny, Sir Clanks-a-lot?
Patrick: I'm driving! [picks up SpongeBob and uses him as a jousting lance; he charges towards the Chum Bucket] Charge! [laughs as he crashes into several trick-or-treaters who are dressed as bowling pins]
[Patrick runs towards the Chum Bucket and crashes into a wall. SpongeBob and Patrick enter inside and Patrick sets SpongeBob down. Karen comes out, dressed as a cat.]
Karen: Welcome to the Chum Bucket. I'm Karen the cat. [meows]
Plankton: Do the scary part.
[Karen turns on her screen and reveals a scary cat on it. Patrick moans in fear, but SpongeBob thinks it's funny and laughs.]
SpongeBob: Ooh, scary! [laughs]
Plankton: Scary? That's nothing. [pushes the button and switches into his devil costume] Behold! [reveals scary displays of the Krusty Krab] The horrors of the Krusty Krab. [laughs] Look down.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hm?
[SpongeBob and Patrick follow the arrows on the floor and enter Plankton's scary tourist attraction.]
Plankton:[over loudspeaker] No dawdling! Step right up! [shows a scary display of Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob and Squidward] The evil Mr. Krabs and his band of jolly, mindless fools stalk Bikini Bottom by night for delicious victims then drag their lifeless bodies back to the kitchen, and grind them into grinders!
[Karen pops up with a woman screaming on her screen. Patrick is terrified, but SpongeBob still finds it funny as he laughs.]
SpongeBob: Oh, Plankton, you are a panic.
Plankton: And guess what? You're eating it! Krabby Patties are people! They're people patties! You're eating people patties! [laughs and throws a Krabby Patty in Patrick's face]
[SpongeBob laughs. Karen pops up and hisses like a cat. Patrick screams and hides in his costume. SpongeBob, still thinking it's funny, continues to laugh. Karen and Plankton are not impressed with SpongeBob's laughter.]
Trick-Or-Treater 4: Yeah! [giggles] Come on!
[Trick-or-treaters in Bikini Bottom continue to have fun on Halloween. Everyone is laughing and chattering while others are ringing doorbells, asking for candy.]
Trick-Or-Treater 5:[pops out of a trashcan] Boo!
[One citizen laughs but gets scared by someone holding a toy spider. Meanwhile, in the skies above Bikini Bottom, a familiar green ghost ship sails in the clouds. The owner of the ship appears to be none other than the Flying Dutchman himself.]
Flying Dutchman: Ah! Music to me ears. Halloween night, and everyone is getting their bloomers scared off! This holiday is the worst! [soberly] Wait a millennium. [takes out a telescope and sees a trick-or-treater not being scared] That kid isn't screaming with fear.
[The Flying Dutchman takes out a fishing rod and fishes the trick-or-treater up.]
Trick-Or-Treater 6: Huh. What do you want?
[The Flying Dutchman roars and makes a scary face. The trick-or-treater is now completely scared. He freaks out and falls down.]
Flying Dutchman: Scare and release! [laughs] I love this job.
[Suddenly, he hears rattling on the side on his ship. It turns out to be SpongeBob's laughter. The Flying Dutchman looks down and one of SpongeBob's "laughs" hits him really hard.]
Flying Dutchman: Ugh. [gets up and his eyes are red] Who dares to laugh at All Hallows' Eve?! [calmly] I'm going to find out.
[The Flying Dutchman steers his ship downwards and stops right in between the Chum Bucket and the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob comes out of the Chum Bucket laughing while pulling a fainted Patrick out in a wagon.]
SpongeBob: Gee, who would've thought I'd be laughing myself silly tonight? [laughs]
Flying Dutchman: You! [people run away, screaming] You dare to laugh on Halloween?!
SpongeBob: Um...I guess so? [laughs]
Flying Dutchman: What's the matter with you? Aren't you afraid of scary things?
SpongeBob: Well, I was, until I found out that scary equals funny.
Flying Dutchman: "Scary equals funny?" [growls and roars while making a scary face]
SpongeBob:[laughs as he uses the Flying Dutchman's fire to roast marshmallows] I love this guy! [sighs and eats the toasted marshmallows]
Flying Dutchman: I don't get it. How could anyone confuse scary with funny? [turns around and looks at the Halloween decorations at the Krusty Krab] Hm. No wonder you're not scared. These decorations are laughable! [breaks a decoration in half] I'm sorry, kid. I had no idea how fright-deprived you were. Not to worry. You're in bad hands! [he uses his powers to turn the wagon into a little amusement park cart; SpongeBob climbs into it while Patrick regains consciousness] I'll show you something to scream about aboard me ship! [thunder claps as he points to his ghostly ship] You interested?
SpongeBob: Sure. Can I bring a guest?
Flying Dutchman: Does a bear fish sleep in the kelp forest? [he and SpongeBob laugh; then he snaps his fingers]
[The Flying Dutchman's ship lowers a plank with rail tracks on it. The cart drives up the plank. SpongeBob is really excited about the ride while Patrick is really scared. The Flying Dutchman laughs sinisterly.]
Patrick: Where are we going, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: We are going to comedy heaven, Patrick. This is going to be so funny! [laughs]
[Patrick whimpers as he holds SpongeBob. The cart stops in midair. The ship forms two doors and opens with a green mist seeping out.]
Patrick: This music doesn't sound funny, SpongeBob.
[The doors close and Patrick continues to quiver with fear, clanking his costume in the process.]
Flying Dutchman: Stop that clanking!
[The cart drives into the darkness and the episode fades to black. The screen goes back on with the Flying Dutchman flying around SpongeBob and Patrick, laugh manically at them.]
SpongeBob: Oh! Hey!
Flying Dutchman: All bilge rats on deck! We have company, and we want to show them a good time! [laughs as he flies through SpongeBob and Patrick]
SpongeBob:[laughs] That tickled!
[Just then, several ghostly pirates appeared, laughing manically at SpongeBob and Patrick. Patrick is completely horrified while SpongeBob remains smiling, still thinking it's funny.]
Flying Dutchman's Ghost Pirate: Hang on to your bloomers, SpongeBob! It's going to be a bumpy fright! [laughs]
[The ghosts continue to laugh. Patrick is clinging onto SpongeBob as the cart takes them to a skull-shaped door. SpongeBob yells excitedly while Patrick closes his helmet. The cart plows through the doors and drives across the tracks. The Flying Dutchman is playing the organ and his pirate ghost sing a little ghostly tune.]
Flying Dutchman's Ghost Pirates: ♪When you hear the lonesome ring of chimes that bring the spirits singing, soon your spine is tingling and there's just one thing to say, ahh! [eyeballs open up in the darkness] Eyeballs in the dark dilating, now your heart is palpitating, and there's only just one thought that you can convey. [all scream] Terror all around you! You can't get away! We take pride in making sure you have a frightful stay. [the cart drives on a haunted table] Join the wretched chorus in the nightmare play, and remember it's all you can scream at the ghost café.♪
[Ghosts monsters wail and moan in a scary fashion. Patrick is really scared, but SpongeBob laughs, still thinking it's funny. The cart drives around a few loops as a three-headed horse skeleton pops out and neighs. The dragon skeleton pops out and shrieks. Another skull-shaped door opens and lets the cart drive through.]
[The cart stops in the middle of what appears to be a pin the ball game machine.]
Flying Dutchman's Ghost Pirates: ♪Terror all around you and we've just begun. [a monster hand pulls the lever and activates the machine] You'll be trembling helpless lump of fear when we are done. Grim unearthly creatures flaunting nauseating features make for ghastly midnight screechers, you'll be speechless but for Ahh! [the machine flings SpongeBob and Patrick into a cannon and is shot in midair filled with ghosts] Surrender to the horrifying phantom freaks who death-defying stunts of fearful madness startle with a shocking interjection from which there is no protection! [all wail] Boo!♪
[SpongeBob laughs as the cart falls through the floor. The Flying Dutchman leans over to hear. SpongeBob's laughter hits him hard again.]
Flying Dutchman: Grr...How can he still be laughing? I've never been so humiliated. I got to do something here.
SpongeBob: Boy, Patrick, I wish all our friends could be here. They'd love this place! [laughs]
Flying Dutchman: Friends! He's got friends. That's it! I know how to scare this guy. [laughs manically as he unleashes his ghostly mist down from his ship into Bikini Bottom]
Sandy:[gives candy to several trick-or-treaters] Happy Halloween! [the ghostly mist surrounds her and takes her soul from her body] W—what? Where?
[Several trick-or-treaters run up to Mr. Krabs and Squidward, who are handing out candy.]
Trick-Or-Treaters: Trick or treat!
[Suddenly, the Flying Dutchman's ghostly mist surrounds them and takes their souls from their bodies.]
Squidward: Huh? Oh! [screams]
[The souls of Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward are being lifted in the air by the ghostly mist.]
Mr. Krabs: Hey!
[The trick-or-treaters laugh and throw eggs and toilet paper at Squidward and Mr. Krabs' motionless bodies. Mr. Krabs growls in anger. Back inside the Flying Dutchman's ship, SpongeBob and Patrick are still riding the cart. Patrick is still afraid while SpongeBob continues to laugh, still thinking it's funny. SpongeBob stops laughing and sighs. They turn to see Sandy's soul locked up in a cage.]
Sandy: SpongeBob! Patrick! Help me!
SpongeBob:[laughs] That almost looks like Sandy.
[They see the souls of Mr. Krabs, Plankton, Squidward, and Gary locked up in cages as well.]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!
Squidward: Help us!
SpongeBob:[sighs] That almost looked like Mr. Krabs and Squidward and Gary and Plankton. [laughs] Funny. Oh, Patrick, this is hysterical. [laughs] Why aren't you laughing? [laughs until he sees Patrick's body motionless] Patrick? What's wrong with you?
Patrick:[his soul is locked in a cage as well] Help me, SpongeBob! My body's butt itches!
SpongeBob: Patrick? Is this really happening? Hey, this isn't funny.
Patrick: I was wrong, SpongeBob. Sometimes, scary equals scary!
[Patrick's motionless body falls on SpongeBob and he screams.]
SpongeBob: Hm? [pulls out his chalkboard, erases the word "funny", and replaces it with "AHHH!"] Yup. I got the same answer. Scary equals "Ahh!"
Flying Dutchman: Success! I knew that would get him!
[SpongeBob is finally convinced that scary doesn't equal funny at all and screams in fear. His skeleton runs out of his body. SpongeBob's skin and skeleton run out of the ship.]
[SpongeBob's skeleton and skin fall to the ground and attempt to run.]
SpongeBob's Skeleton: That's the scariest thing I ever saw in my life!
SpongeBob's Skin: Me too. But we gotta go back.
SpongeBob's Skeleton: Go back? Are you nuts?
SpongeBob's Skin: Show a little backbone! We gotta save our friends!
SpongeBob's Skeleton: Oh, you're right. But I'm still scared. Will you hold my hand?
SpongeBob's Skin: Deal.
[SpongeBob's skeleton and skin shake hands and they both go back together. SpongeBob runs back to the Flying Dutchman's ship to rescue his friends. Meanwhile, back in the ship, the Flying Dutchman flings Plankton's cage and laughs manically at the rest of SpongeBob's friends. Then he spins the cage around, frightening with various monsters.]
Flying Dutchman: Ooh. [laughs]
[Plankton comes up with an idea. He rips himself in half and floats out between the cage's bars. He puts himself together and floats up to the Flying Dutchman.]
Plankton: You know, I gotta say, pretty impressed with your whole evil presentation here. Nice work. I could use a guy like you to walk through walls. I take over the world, and we split it, 70-30. How's that grabbin' you? [the Flying Dutchman zaps Plankton and turns him into a ghoul] Yes, master... [kisses the Flying Dutchman's ring and flies onto his shoulder]
Flying Dutchman: I guess with friends like SpongeBob, you don't need anemones, huh, gang? [laughs]
Patrick: You can't talk about SpongeBob like that!
Squidward: Oh, yeah? If SpongeBob's so great, where is he? Huh?
Flying Dutchman: And, now, I'm going to roast your souls over a devil pit! [snaps his fingers and transports them over a devil pit] Just like Grandma used to!
[They all scream.]
Patrick: The blue fire is so hot!
[The Flying Dutchman laughs as he is about to roast everyone. Suddenly, Sandy's acorn puppet plows through the ceiling and roars, frightening the Flying Dutchman.]
Sandy: My puppet?
[The acorn puppet growls and charges at the Flying Dutchman. However, because the Flying Dutchman is a ghost, the puppet was unable to touch him and is sent flying to a wall. The puppet breaks into pieces and tiny acorns, revealing SpongeBob inside.]
SpongeBob: You let my friends go, buddy boy! [slides down]
Flying Dutchman: You were trying to scare me? Now that is funny. [laughs] You couldn't frighten me in a million eternities, kid.
Plankton: I think he could, master. You've never seen what's inside his brain!
Flying Dutchman: His brain? Ha! What's scary about that?
Plankton: I was in there once. It's too terrifying, even for ghosts!
[The Flying Dutchman grabs Plankton, throws him to the ground and stomps on him with his ghostly foot.]
Flying Dutchman: I'll decide if it's scary or not!
[The Flying Dutchman shrinks himself into a smaller size, flies into SpongeBob's head and goes directly into his brain. He appears in the animation style of the Beatles' 1968 film Yellow Submarine and drives in a car with crab claws on them. He hears jolly music and the claws grab the little floating hearts. A unicorn-shaped cloud pushes him off the cliff and sends him crashing into a rainbow from a frog whose using it as a jump rope. He emerges out from the rainbow.]
Flying Dutchman: Wa...Whoa!
[One claw grabs a talking stripe tree, swings around and around, and lets go, making a little character fall out of the car. An eel flies out of the car and flies in the air. Three penguins hitch a ride on the eel and fly into an igloo. The igloo turns into a baby stroller and kittens appear riding in it. SpongeBob appears in the Flying Dutchman's hat, laughing. A jellyfish stretches itself over the Flying Dutchman and jellybeans fall out from underneath. The Flying Dutchman is carried off by a seahorse who is smack its lips. They pass by a clam with a mermaid in it. Then they stop to a colorful door, which opens and reveals bouncing smiley balls.]
Flying Dutchman: Ah! Ah! Ah! Don't—don't! [turns into a blob and a crab claw pinches him in half; he screams]
[SpongeBob regains consciousness, rolls his eyes to the back of his head, and sees the Flying Dutchman crying.]
Flying Dutchman:[cries] That didn't scare me one bit. [turns black and reveals eyeballs and a ghost; then he turns back to normal] I—I bet you don't have a scary thought in your entire brain!
SpongeBob: Oh, scary...Hm...You know, what always scares me out of the room is when my mom takes out naked baby pictures. [laughs]
[Suddenly, a giant baby version of SpongeBob appears before the Flying Dutchman.]
Baby SpongeBob:[coos] I wuv you this much!
[The Flying Dutchman screams and hyperventilates as the giant baby SpongeBob grabs and hugs him. Soon, all of the dream characters join in as the unicorn-shaped cloud makes a rainbow above them.]
Flying Dutchman:[gets kissed by the eels] I'm actually scared! [screams as tombstones appear in his eyes; he flies out of SpongeBob's head and growls after having enough] So much horror! [screams as he flies out and leaves his ship]
[The Flying Dutchman's ship disappears. SpongeBob and his friends' souls are now floating in midair. They look down, scream and fall to the ground.]
Sandy:[her soul returns to her body] Ooh.
Mr. Krabs and Squidward:[scream and their souls return to their respective bodies, which pleases them] Oh.
Patrick:[his soul returns to his body] Oh! I got my butt back! [slaps his buttocks]
Sandy: I don't know what's inside that brain of yours, but I sure hope I never see it. Thanks, SpongeBob.
Patrick:[shows a chalkboard with the words "Scary equals Scary" with the word funny crossed out] But did we learn anything?
SpongeBob: Sure. We learned not to be afraid to never be scared of being afraid again. [laughs as he erases the chalkboard]
[SpongeBob's friends carry SpongeBob and praise him for his heroic efforts of stopping the Flying Dutchman and saving the day.]
Mr. Krabs: My employee saved us! Party at the Krusty Krab! For a reasonable fee.
[They carry SpongeBob inside the Krusty Krab as the ghost balloon flies over. Plankton, whose soul returned to his body, wakes up.]
Plankton: Ugh. What happened? Whew. Must have been a nightmare.
Trick-Or-Treater 1:[picks up Plankton] Hey, guys! Free candy!
[The trick-or-treater throws Plankton in his mouth and starts chewing on him. The screen then says "Happy Halloween" to the viewers and ends the episode.]