Amy: It’s nice that we all get to eat together. [The guys mumble in agreement] Can we maybe put the phones down and have an actual human conversation?
Sheldon: We can, but thanks to Steve Jobs, we don’t have to.
Penny: Guys, guys. You’re never going to believe this.
Leonard: What happened?
Penny: I just got a job on a TV show.
Amy: Congratulations.
Leonard: That’s great. Guys! [Guys mumble acknowledgement.]
Amy: What’s the show?
Penny: NCII or you know NCSC. I don’t know. It’s the one with all the letters and I’m going to be on it.
Leonard: That’s amazing.
Howard: What’s your part?
Penny: I play a customer in a diner and I flirt with Mark Harmon.
Raj: OOO. Mark Harmon. He’s a dreamboat.
Leonard: So it’s just flirting?
Penny: Yeah, why?
Leonard: No reason. I just think it’s sexier when left to the imagination.
Penny: Oh.
Amy: He’s wrong.

Bernadette: Raj, when you said you were gonna bring a date to watch Penny’s thing tonight, I didn’t think you meant Stuart.
Howard: Really? I never for a second thought it’d be anything else.
Raj: I almost met someone last night, but I blew it. I was walking Cinnamon and this girl introduced herself, but she was so cute I panicked and said, wouldn’t it be easier if instead of talking we could just sniff each other’s butts?
Bernadette: (smiling crossly) Well, Stuart’s cute in his own way.
Stuart: When I was a baby, my mother called me her little possum.
Raj: Are possums cute?
Stuart: Not at all.
Howard: If you’re so intimidated by talking to attractive girls, maybe you should practice by talking to regular people.
Raj: You mean like fatties and uggos?
Bernadette: (suggesting crossly) Or maybe just stop talking.
Howard: I’m serious. Go to the mall, talk to anybody, practice, that way when you eventually do talk to a cute girl, it won’t be so scary.
Bernadette: (suggesting crossly again) Or just keep dating the possum.

Sheldon: A joke is a brief oral narrative summary with a climatic humorous twist.

Penny: Are you kidding me?
Leonard: What's wrong?
Penny: Well… the diner scene. Where’s my diner scene?
Sheldon: Well, don’t ask me. Until I see the prequel, I’m lost.
Penny: No. This was supposed the big scene with me and Mark Harmon, but it’s..it’s gone.
Bernadette: What happened?
Penny: They must have cut it.
Leonard: Oh, Penny. I’m sorry.
Howard: That stinks!
Raj: I’m sure you were great.
Penny: This doesn't make any sense to me. I mean..I thought I did a really good job. I…Excuse me.
Sheldon: I've been studying how to make people laugh. They say that comedy is tragedy plus time. Let's tickle some ribs.
Leonard: No.

Penny: You didn't get your part cut. And you didn't get your part cut. Yep, a bunch of old guys rocking out in a band all with erectile dysfunction, you didn't get your part cut.
Leonard: Hey, can we talk?
Penny: We can, but the part of Penny might get cut.

Leonard: (on the phone with a florist) Yes. How much for a hundred long stemmed red roses? Really? How much for three?
Penny: Hey.
Leonard: Yeah, I’ll call you back.
Penny: Look, I know you were just trying to help with your Star Wars thing. I didn't mean to call it idiotic.
Leonard: Well, I don’t think you called it idiotic.
Penny: Oh. Sorry, I meant to. Anyway, um, I was just upset with myself. I wasn't mad at you. I just feel like everything is falling apart.
Leonard: Come on. It’s okay.
Penny: No, it’s not okay. Look at me. OK. I took a temp job as a waitress forever ago, and still doing it. I can’t quit because guess what, I can’t do anything else. And I finally get me a big break and it goes away. I’m such a mess.
Leonard: No, you’re not.
Penny: Really? 'Cause this morning at Starbucks a pair of old underwear fell out of my pant leg. And it wasn't the only one in there.
Leonard: Okay, listen to me. This is just a minor setback.
Penny: No, it’s not! I've been out here for like ten years. I've nothing to show for it!
Leonard: You have me.
Penny: You’re right. I do have you. Mmm. Let’s get married.
Leonard: (caught by surprise) What?
Penny: Ohh. Leonard Hofstadter...will you marry me?
Leonard: (hesitantly) Uhhh...
Penny: (in disbelief, mocking him exaggeratedly and making herself sound stupid doing so) Did you seriously just say, "UUHHHNGHHH?!!"
Leonard: You know I love you, but you’re drunk and sad and feeling lost…
Penny: (making assumptions about Leonard's hesitation) Okay, so..so..you don’t want to marry me?
Leonard: That is not what I said!
Penny: (still assuming) No, forget it. I take it back! Offer's off the table!
Sheldon: Who’s in the mood to laugh?
Leonard: Really not a good time.
Sheldon: But I used science to construct the perfect joke.
Penny: I’m gonna go.
Leonard: No. Penny, don’t.
Penny: No, no. I just need to be alone! (walks out of the guys' apartment)

Sheldon: Can’t sleep?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Would you like to talk about it?
Leonard: Penny proposed and I didn't say yes.
Sheldon: Why not?
Leonard: That’s a good question.
Sheldon: Does that mean the relationship is over?
Leonard: I don’t know.
Sheldon: Why don’t you ask her?
Leonard: Because I am afraid to know the answer.
Sheldon: Well, I’m sorry.
Leonard: That’s it? You’re not going to make some dumb joke or inappropriate comment?
Sheldon: No. You’re my friend and I’m sorry.

Howard: "Star Wars" audition, take 1. Starring Howard Joel Wolowitz, real life astronaut. Vader is here, now on this moon. I felt his presence. He has come for me. He can feel when I’m near.
(Howard suddenly hears a quite angry Bernadette shouting from the bathroom)
Bernadette: (out of vision) How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it’s empty?
Howard: (he shouts to his wife in irritation) I’m in the middle of something!
Bernadette: (out of vision) So am I!
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