THE GOOP ON THE GIRL
[EXT: CITY. Music plays over images of Christmas scenes - a sleigh-and-reindeer display, a man taking donations for the Salvation Army, a snowman decoration, a lifesize toy soldier, a department store with a massive wreath on the front, a large Christmas tree on display.]
[MUSIC: "Here Comes Santa Claus".]
[INT: BANK. People are in line for tellers. At the head of the line is a man dressed as Santa Claus (played by Matt McTighe).]
TELLER [cheerfully]: Hey Santa. How're you doing? Deposit or withdrawal?
[SANTA hands a note to the TELLER (played by J. J. Boone). It says something like GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY.]
TELLER: Is this some sort of joke?
[SANTA pulls his shirt open, revealing a bomb strapped to him.]
SANTA: Give me all of your money. Now.
[TELLER quickly hands money to SANTA, who puts it into his red sack. SANTA looks around.]
SANTA [indicating other tellers]: The other ones too. Hurry up.
[As the TELLERS do as he says, people behind SANTA in the line get suspicious and impatient.]
MAN: Something's going on over there.
OTHER MAN: What do you mean?
SANTA [turning to face other customers]: I HAVE A BOMB!
[People begin to shriek.]
SANTA: Everyone get down! [to TELLER] Put the money in the bag. Quick.
[INT: BRENNAN'S APARTMENT. MAX is dragging over a Christmas tree and Brennan is watching him.]
MAX: It's a beauty, isn't it? I got the, uh... I got the employee's discount; good tips too. Shall I get some tinsel?
BRENNAN [disinterested]: Well, you can do whatever you want. It's your Christmas tree.
MAX: Well, it's ours, honey, as in you and me.
BRENNAN: Dad, I'm-I'm going to do volunteer work in El Salvador.
MAX: Well... that means I'm gonna be alone for Christmas.
BRENNAN: Well, wha-what about Russ and the girls?
MAX [sitting down]: Your brother is going to Orlando to spend the holidays with his in-laws, and I will be alone, and it'll be pitiful.
BRENNAN: Well, if I stay, then there'll be two of us alone, which is twice as pitiful.
MAX [sarcastically]: Well, that's interesting math. [pause] What if I can get someone else to share Christmas with us? Now, that would make it a real Christmas, right?
BRENNAN: Dad, some reformed criminal pal of yours won't make a real Christmas.
MAX: I'm talking family, a blood relative; an aunt or one of your cousins from Minnesota.
BRENNAN: You have contact with these people?
MAX: We're Myspace buddies. Come on, honey, please?
BRENNAN: Well, why do people hate to spend Christmas alone?
MAX: 'Cause it means nobody loves them.
[EXT: STREET. BOOTH is rubbing his hands together for warmth as he walks to his car.]
DISPATCH [from radio inside car]: Code 39, Code 39, bank robbery in progress. Capital Mutual Bank, corner of 12th and U Street. Suspect dressed as Santa. Urgent help needed.
BOOTH [now inside car, to radio]: Yes, Agent Booth, 22705. I'm two blocks from Capital Mutual Bank. ETA within a minute.
[INT: BANK. SANTA has money in a bag and is leaving the bank.]
SANTA: All of you... stay down, you hear me? Stay down... and everybody goes home for Christmas.
[EXT: STREET OUTSIDE BANK. BOOTH exits car and aims gun at Santa.]
BOOTH: Everybody back. You! Santa! Move into the road. Now!
SANTA [moving to street]: Don't do this. Just walk away.
BOOTH: On your knees. On your knees! FBI, man. Do it now!
SANTA: I just answered the call.
[There are some crackles from the bomb, the word "BURN!" and then an enormous EXPLOSION. A giant ball of fire erupts from SANTA. Debris in all directions. A man gets thrown back onto a taxi from the force. A woman ducks behind the taxi. BOOTH lands in front of his car. A chunk of flaming SANTA drops by the taxi. After the explosion, money floats everywhere and the bank's windows break. Booth looks around in shock.]
[EXT: STREET OUTSIDE BANK. We return to the scene a short time later. Emergency workers everywhere. There is a siren in the background and the Bomb Squad is combing the area.
[PARAMEDICS load the CABDRIVER into the back of an ambulance.]
PARAMEDIC: Cabdriver is stabilized.
[FBI people take photos; the Bomb Squad continues searching for evidence. CAM and BRENNAN stand next to BOOTH by his SUV. CAM is performing medical checks on BOOTH.]
BOOTH [impatient]: Can we just hurry this up? 'Cause I have a witness over there.
BRENNAN: Well, are you sure you didn't throw out your back?
BOOTH: No, I didn't; I'm fine.
CAM [shining penlight in Booth's eyes]: Okay, do you have a medical degree? I don't think so. Okay, your pupillary response is fine.
BOOTH: Okay, well, there you go. I'm gonna go talk to my witness now. Thank you.
[A PARAMEDIC is sitting next to the WITNESS. The witness is the woman who got thrown behind the cab during the explosion. She is covered in splatter and her hands are torn and burned. She looks shocked.]
BOOTH [to paramedic sitting with witness]: Got 'im.
[The PARAMEDIC leaves and BOOTH sits next to the WITNESS. BRENNAN also arrives and squats in front of the WITNESS to examine the evidence - human remains - coating the WITNESS. This is "The Goop on the Girl". The WITNESS is GEORGIA HARTMEYER (played by Melinda Page Hamilton) and hereafter referred to as GEORGIA.]
BOOTH: Hi. I'm, uh, Special Agent Seeley Booth. Are you okay, Miss, uh...?
GEORGIA: Hartmeyer. Georgia Hartmeyer, and no, I'm not okay. [tearfully] I'm covered in...
BRENNAN: Human remains. The bomber's bones became shrapnel.
GEORGIA: Oh, my God, I got to get out of here.
BOOTH: Listen, we just want to ask you a couple questions.
CAM [arriving behind Georgia]: We have to bag her and take her to the lab.
BOOTH [to CAM]: Right now?
BOOTH: I know this is really hard and you're freaked out, but what you have on there is evidence.
CAM [comfortingly]: It's no big deal. I'm just gonna put this cap over your hair and bag your hands.
BOOTH: And I'm gonna meet you back at the lab, and I'm gonna ask you a couple questions, and then I'm gonna take you home. Okay?
GEORGIA [as Cam is putting a cap over Georgia's head]: All right, I guess, if I have to.
[BOOTH leaves and crosses to where HODGINS is squatting on the ground, studying bomb fragments.]
BOOTH [standing next to HODGINS]: Hey, oh, what do you got?
HODGINS [excitedly]: Recovering bomb fragments... hey, check this out. Explosives unit guys loaned me these magnetized gloves. [Holds up gloves with metal sticking to them and laughs delightedly] Oh, these are so going on my Christmas list.
BOOTH [pointing]: That stuff there, is that from the bomb, or is that from Santa?
HODGINS: Bomb. Oily pudding residue indicates a homemade emulsion bomb.
[BOOTH sighs and rubs his neck.]
HODGINS: Man, you sure you're okay?
BOOTH: Fine. 'Kay?
BRENNAN [arriving behind him]: He says he's fine, but that may just be a function of shock.
BOOTH [leaving]: I'm fine. You know what, I'm gonna go home, grab a shower and get cleaned up.
BRENNAN: No, Booth!
BOOTH [slightly annoyed]: I am FINE... will you just stop worrying about me, Bones?
BRENNAN [pointing to Booth's back]: Spinous process!
BOOTH [trying to see his own back]: What? Where?
HODGINS: Yes, indeed, that is a definite chunk of Santa.
BRENNAN [over shoulder]: We're gonna need some bags, Cam.
BOOTH: No. No, no.
BRENNAN: I'm sorry, Booth, but you're evidence now.
[CUT to MAIN TITLE THEME and CREDITS]
[INT: JEFFERSONIAN. BOOTH and BRENNAN are in the BONE ROOM. BOOTH is sitting on a gurney and BRENNAN is behind him, picking remains off the back of his jacket with tweezers throughout the conversation.]
BOOTH: Did you hear anything back on that cabdriver?
BRENNAN: No, but Cam is in touch with the hospital. [Setting last particles into a dish] Okay. I have to remove your clothing now.
[BRENNAN reaches to the front of BOOTH's jacket and begins to remove it.]
BOOTH [surprised]: What? Why?
BRENNAN: Well, there may be particulates.
BOOTH [echoing]: Particulates.
BRENNAN: Evidence for Hodgins, and flesh for Cam.
[BRENNAN sets jacket aside and walks to stand in front of BOOTH.]
BOOTH [thoughtful]: You know, the bomber said something about answering "the call." What do you think that means?
BRENNAN [loosening his tie. BOOTH sits up straighter and looks uncomfortable]: Many terrorists feel they're acting upon divine instruction.
BOOTH: I don't think he was a terrorist; I just think he was a bank robber.
Brennan [lifting BOOTH's tie over his head]: There's spatter on the back of your collar.
BRENNAN [unbuttoning his shirt]: Okay.
BOOTH: I can take my own shirt off...
[He lifts his hands to help and BRENNAN swats them away.]
BRENNAN: No, don't. You'll compromise the evidence.
BOOTH [looking closely at her]: ...Right.
BRENNAN [uncertainly, continuing to unbutton Booth's shirt]: I'm... having Christmas dinner at my place this year with my dad. Considering you've been shunted aside by your own family, I'd... like to invite you.
BOOTH: That's a sweet invitation.
BRENNAN [sliding shirt off his shoulders and moving behind him]: So, will you come?
BOOTH [slowly]: I... don't know. I was thinking about going up to Quebec to see Parker. I really don't care what Rebecca thinks.
BRENNAN: Well, if you do that, won't she retaliate by insisting upon coming to all your special times with Parker?
BRENNAN [admiringly]: You have a perfect acromion. [Booth looks pleased] Stand up.
BRENNAN: Off the table.
[BRENNAN kneels in front of BOOTH and reaches for his belt.]
BOOTH: Whoa. What... what, is there stuff on my pants?
BRENNAN: Yeah. Vascular tissue on your Cocky belt buckle.
[Brennan loosens his belt and removes it.]
BOOTH: Oh, right. Slides right off, and, uh, we're done.
BRENNAN: I have to remove your pants.
BOOTH [as Brennan unbuttons his pants]: All right, you know, I'm just gonna start reciting some saints, you know. [Quietly to himself as Brennan lowers his pants] St. Joseph, St. Peter, St. Paul, St. John...
[BRENNAN slides his pants down BOOTH's legs. He is wearing blue and white plaid boxers.]
[Suddenly the door opens and BRENNAN inhales quickly. CAM is standing in the doorway.]
CAM [humorously]: Anyone for mistletoe?
BRENNAN: I-I'm recovering evidence.
BOOTH: Just evidence, that's all.
CAM [smiling, unconvinced]: Interesting.
BOOTH [stepping out of pants]: Listen, uh, Bones, I really got to go question the other eyewitness, so are we done here?
BRENNAN: No, you can sit.
CAM [pointing]: There's something in your hair.
BOOTH [reaching to touch it]: Where?
BRENNAN: Oh. [removing his hands] Don't touch.
BRENNAN [reaching for forensic scissors]: Organic residue... I'll cut it out.
BOOTH [alarmed]: What do you mean, cut it out? No! No scissors. Not the hair.
[He pushes her hands - and the scissors - away.]
CAM: Tox results show that our bomber had propranolol in his bloodstream. It's a beta-blocker popular with performers, soldiers... and suicide bombers.
BOOTH [as Brennan fiddles with his hair]: Yeah, snipers use that to calm their nerves.
CAM: Also, Hodgins swabbed this.
[She holds out a dish containing a charred, unidentifiable body part.]
CAM: Found high concentrations of limonene. It's a citrus fruit derivative.
BOOTH: Oh. What is that, a nostril?
CAM: Yup. And I have no idea how the limonene got there. Unless the guy was snorting orange Kool-Aid.
BOOTH: Right. Listen, Bones, I really got to get going to question this other eyewitness. Will you just... Ow!
[CAM rolls her eyes and exits. Cut to lab hallways where ANGELA is conferring with someone. BRENNAN is wheeling BOOTH on a table usually used for human remains. He is wearing only boxers and socks and looking uncomfortable.]
ANGELA [looking over amusedly]: Uh, are we doing experiments on Booth? Because if so, I'd like to help.
BOOTH [sarcastically]: Make fun of the naked guy... knock yourself out.
[Cut to lab platform. DAISY is examining GEORGIA, who is sitting on a gurney. GEORGIA is wearing a cream-colored hospital-type gown and looking shell-shocked. There are paper bags over her hands and goop still in her hair.]
DAISY [examining Georgia's hair]: I think we got everything. [pause] Oh. Nope. [excitedly] Mandible fragment!
GEORGIA [disturbed]: Just get it all out!
[Brennan pushes Booth's table opposite Georgia.]
BOOTH: Okay, there you go...
[Daisy looks at Booth and is impressed by his physique.]
DAISY: Oh, Agent Booth, you look... Wow.
BOOTH: How are you?
DAISY: Finished with the hair; moving on to the hands. And thank you for asking, especially given the difficult morning you've had.
[BRENNAN stands behind BOOTH with tweezers to remove particles from his hair.]
BRENNAN: He was speaking to Ms. Hartmeyer.
DAISY [slightly embarrassed]: Oh. I'm not used to having evidence that talks, so it's a little disconcerting. I'll just get back to work.
[DAISY goes back to recovering evidence from GEORGIA as BOOTH conducts a makeshift interview.]
GEORGIA: How much longer do I have to stay here?
BOOTH: Just a couple more questions. Do you remember how long you were standing outside the bank?
GEORGIA: I-I'm not sure... I was waiting for the bus.
BOOTH: Do you remember seeing Santa go into the bank? [Brennan tugs on his hair] Ow!
BRENNAN: Sorry. It's being stubborn.
GEORGIA: All I know is, I was minding my own business, and this guy just blew up in front of me.
DAISY [examining Georgia's hand]: Dr. Brennan, look at these white fragments in the nail bed.
BRENNAN [studying hand]: Most likely dental pulp.
DAISY [to Georgia, cheerfully]: Santa teeth!
GEORGIA: Oh, geez.
BRENNAN: Harvest the nail.
DAISY: Just a quick clip.
[HODGINS arrives on platform carrying a clipboard.]
HODGINS: Hey, Booth?
HODGINS: Think I got something here.
BOOTH [sarcastically]: Oh, great, join the party.
HODGINS [staring at Booth]: Dude. Where's your chest hair?
BOOTH: I'm highly evolved.
BRENNAN: His pubic extension is entirely within normal-
BOOTH: Enough. Okay, so what do you got?
HODGINS [handing over clipboard]: I'm cataloguing bomb components so we can run it through EXIS, the Explosive Incidents System. Bomb makers' signatures are as unique as handwriting. [He removes a packet from his pocket.] We found this computer chip that sets frequency on a two-way radio, which means this bomb was command-initiated, triggered via electronic signal from the two-way.
BOOTH: Right, that would explain the crackle I heard right before the bomb went off, and there was this voice...
HODGINS: You know, if Santa had a partner, he was probably monitoring that frequency.
BOOTH: He hears me say "FBI", he panics, and he blows up good old St. Nick, but there's no way to trace it back to him.
[BRENNAN finishes with BOOTH's hair and supplies him with a blue lab coat. BOOTH shrugs into coat as he stands.]
HODGINS: Well, except for that computer chip. The radio was set to 27.4 megahertz.
BOOTH: You guys have a scanner around here?
[INT: Angela's office. BOOTH and ANGELA are standing around a radio which is making crackly noises as BOOTH fiddles with it.]
ANGELA: So, this is the first time I have ever borrowed anything from the Eisenhower Collection.
BOOTH: I'm just gonna tune in here to 27.4.
[We hear some crackles and then an angry voice broadcasting. This is OWEN THIEL
(played by Dorian Missick) and hereafter referred to as OWEN.]
OWEN: ...their pockets. No more! Bring down the tools of capitalist greed. Burn them, like they burned us...
BOOTH: "Burn." That's him. I heard him say that.
BRENNAN [arriving in doorway and holding up Booth's COCKY belt buckle.]: Hey. We expedited tissue removal.
BOOTH: Great, thanks.
BOOTH [into phone]: Hey, listen, this is Booth. I need an FCC mobile scanner unit now. Great. Thanks.
BRENNAN: You want to search for the source of this transmission?
BOOTH: It could be the guy who set off the bomb.
[BOOTH leaves office and BRENNAN follows him. He gets to the doorway and realizes he is wearing only a lab coat, boxers and socks.]
BOOTH: Okay, pants, pants, I need pants. Where are my pants?
[BOOTH, BRENNAN and an FBI AGENT are in the MOBILE UNIT and driving through the city. They are listening to OWEN's broadcast.]
OWEN [on radio]: We're not one voice, we're thousands of voices. Democracy has been corrupted by the greed of big business. Burn it to the ground...
[Radio continues in background as BOOTH and BRENNAN talk.]
BRENNAN: If he's referring to lobbyists, then he's actually correct.
BOOTH: You agree with this clown? And what about blowing up your partner, okay? Because it sounds like this creep was, uh, planning on detonating Santa right from the start.
BRENNAN: Well, that would explain the propranolol.
BOOTH: Who blows up Christmas? Who does that, Bones?
OWEN [on radio]: Hear my call. Get off your ass and do something. Get up off your ass and...
BRENNAN: Do you think that's what the victim meant about answering "the call"?
BOOTH: Sure as hell sounds like that. [to driver] Take the next right, will you?
[INT: BONE ROOM. DAISY is modeling bone fragments over a blue man-made skull model as SWEETS enters.]
DAISY: Lancelot! Does it look like the frontal near the sinus to you?
SWEETS: Uh, I have no idea.
DAISY: Seems appropriately spongy.
SWEETS: Look, I know you're busy, but I'm in a pickle, Daisy. This is our first Christmas together. And, though I've avoided the holidays ever since my parents have been gone, I feel like I shouldn't put a damper on your holiday zest.
DAISY: Oh, I'm zestless.
SWEETS: You are?
DAISY: I see no point in celebrating Jesus' birth in December when he was actually born in March.
SWEETS: No kidding.
DAISY: It'd be like celebrating the Fourth of July in April - ridiculous.
SWEETS: So, what do we do December 25th?
DAISY: Would it be wrong to stay in bed all day and have s*x?
CAM [entering]: Yes, it would. And what is with everybody today?
SWEETS: We were just discussing holiday plans.
CAM: Oh. Did Dr. Brennan ask you about Christmas dinner?
DAISY: She did. I said it wouldn't be a Christmas dinner unless it occurred in March.
CAM: Interesting. Clear off, Sweets. We have to ID our Christmas-in-December bomber.
DAISY: Bye, Lancelot. Colon, end bracket, colon, capital D!
SWEETS [making hand gestures to indicate]: Semicolon, end parentheses, "less than" sign, numeral three.
DAISY: Colon, capital "P."
CAM: Oh, dear God. I'm going to yak.
DAISY: This isn't skull. It's manubrium.
CAM: Seems to be some kind of burn on the interior surface. Get that to Hodgins.
[INT: MOBILE UNIT. BOOTH and BRENNAN are studying a computer showing a map of the area.]
BRENNAN: Just up ahead.
BOOTH: That's it. Right there. Pull over.
BRENNAN: Santa's cohort is inside that house. These men use explosives. They... they want to destroy the federal government. Shouldn't we call in backup?
OWEN [on radio]: 60 seconds of rant, people. Bring it on, bring it down.
BOOTH: We don't have any time. Do you hear him? 60 seconds or he's going to sign off. I got to keep him distracted.
[BOOTH and BRENNAN exit the van outside a suburban house with a large aerial on top.]
BOOTH: All right.
BRENNAN: Booth, you're going to pull down the antenna? That's illegal.
BOOTH: Well, not when I got him for a Title 97, malicious interference and unlicensed operation. [to driver] Hey. Phone in our location, okay?
BOOTH [handing his gun to Brennan]: Here. Cover me.
OWEN: The banks take our money to line their pockets. No more! Burn down...
[The antenna falls. Inside the van, the screen goes blank, indicating the loss of radio signal. Back in the yard, a tall African-American man exits the house, wearing jeans and a jacket and looking angry. This is OWEN THIEL, the broadcaster.]
[BOOTH grabs him and propels him toward the ground.]
BOOTH: Hey, what? Hey, come on now. That's it. You have the right to remain silent.
[BOOTH tackles OWEN to the ground and BRENNAN stands over them, covering BOOTH with his gun.]
OWEN: You're a flunky of a corrupt regime and it is my duty to resist you.
BRENNAN: Well, I should warn you, he... he's very hard to resist.
BOOTH [pleased]: Thanks, Bones.
[INT. FBI INTERROGATION ROOM. BOOTH and OWEN are sitting at a table. BOOTH holds up a pen.]
OWEN: What's this?
BOOTH: Says you waive your right to a lawyer.
OWEN [signing]: I know my rights better than any lawyer who's a pawn in the system. I'm fully aware that's there's nothing illegal about my broadcasts. Freedom of speech.
BOOTH: You were in the military, right? You're trained in explosives.
OWEN: So what? Explosives and ordnances are part of Basic Training.
BOOTH: I don't think that they meant for you to use your Basic Training experience to, uh, rob banks.
OWEN: You know what? You got the wrong guy. All I do is broadcast my show, go to meetings, hand out pamphlets.
BOOTH: Just before he blew up, the robber said that, uh, he answered "the call."
OWEN: My call? From the radio? Look, some nut listens to me, goes crazy, I'm not responsible. I never told anybody to break the law.
BOOTH: Right. Because you know what? Your little pirate radio frequency set off the bomb right before the robber was about to get arrested.
OWEN: Must have been a coincidence.
BOOTH: Just a coincidence? You should just keep saying that to yourself over and over again, so you can actually believe it.
[INT: DINER. MAX and BRENNAN are sitting with a woman BRENNAN's age, drinking coffee. She has brown hair and is dressed conservatively. This is BRENNAN's second cousin, MARGARET WHITESELL (played by Zooey Deschanel) and hereafter referred to as MARGARET.]
MAX: This is fun. Isn't it fun to meet a new relative, girls?
BRENNAN: So, you're my cousin, Margaret?
MARGARET: My mother was your mother's cousin, according to Uncle Max.
MAX: It's an uncanny resemblance. You're practically sisters.
BRENNAN: Why... why aren't you home for Christmas?
MARGARET: This time of year, I prefer to be in Philadelphia, away from my family and all those kids.
BRENNAN: You don't have children?
MARGARET [quotation marks indicate quotes of Benjamin Franklin]: "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterward." I never got to the half-shut part. What's your excuse?
BRENNAN: For not being married? I don't have an excuse. I just have very good reasons.
MARGARET [thumbing through book of quotes]: Like what?
BRENNAN: I think that marriage is something you need to have a reason to enter into. I never found that reason.
MARGARET: Mmm. I totally agree. "Experience keeps a dear school, but fools learn in no other."
MAX: You see, Margaret is a big fan of Benjamin Franklin.
MARGARET: Yes. He was the smartest man who ever lived. His advice has... never failed me.
BRENNAN: Actually, the person with the highest recorded IQ is Marilyn vos Savant.
MARGARET: Ooh. "Tim was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on."
BRENNAN [to Max]: I don't think this is going to work.
MAX: Listen, family reunions are always awkward.
BRENNAN [to Margaret]: Well, do you think this is going well?
MARGARET: Not really. You seem like a bit of a know-it-all.
BRENNAN: Nice to meet you, but I'm going to El Salvador for Christmas. You both are welcome to use my place over the holidays.
MARGARET: "He that won't be counseled can't be helped."
MAX: I told you to keep to Ben's scientific stuff.
[INT: ANGELA'S OFFICE. DAISY has completed the skull she was working on before and ANGELA is waiting for it.]
All righty. Here's your head. Dr. Brennan and Agent Booth are kind of in a hurry to ID him.
[ANGELA plays MUSIC: "Snowfall" by Ingrid Michaelson.]
ANGELA: No problem, Daisy. I have no intention of letting Santa ruin Christmas.
DAISY: Were you aware of the fact that Jesus was really born in March?
ANGELA: I don't care.
DAISY: That Rudolph would have to be a girl, because male reindeer drop their antlers in winter.
[ANGELA turns music up.]
DAISY: Okay. I'll be right back.
[DAISY exits. MUSIC continues over a montage as ANGELA works to recreate the face from the skull. She completes the face.]
ANGELA: Okay, here he is. The guy who bombed Christmas. Can you hand me my sketch pad, so I can get him to the media?
[INT: CAM'S OFFICE. She is working at a computer and surrounded by Christmas paraphernalia. MICHELLE enters.]
CAM: Hey, I was just thinking of you.
MICHELLE [looking at Christmas stuff]: Oh, my God, what did you buy?
CAM: Gingerbread house, talking reindeer, peppermint bark... I went a little crazy. I know how much your dad loved Christmas.
MICHELLE: You didn't get my present, did you?
CAM: Still working on that.
MICHELLE: Good. 'Cause I know what I want... Hawaii. The Big Island.
CAM: That would be hard to wrap.
MICHELLE: No, I want to go there for Christmas. Please don't say no, Cam. Please.
CAM: That sounds fantastic, but I only have a couple days off.
MICHELLE: Not with you. With Paris's family. Her mom and dad invited me.
CAM [faltering]: They did?
MICHELLE [excitedly]: I know it's totally last minute, but I found a cheap flight, and the hotel is covered, and all I have to do is pack shorts and bathing suits.
CAM: You... really... thought this through.
MICHELLE: If I stay, it's just the two of us, and that's depressing.
CAM: You really want to go? It's that important to you?
MICHELLE: It's important to me. And this way you can do what you usually do at Christmas instead of worrying about me.
CAM: Oh, you're not a worry. You... [Michelle sighs and pouts] If that's what you want, then of course you can go.
MICHELLE: Thank you!
HODGINS: Hey, Michelle.
MICHELLE: Hi, Dr. Hodgins.
HODGINS: Mind if I steal her away?
MICHELLE: She's all yours.
[CAM sighs, her smile falling as MICHELLE exits.]
[INT: JEFFERSONIAN BONE ROOM. HODGINS and CAM enter. DAISY is working with the bones. A large computer is stationed at the head of the bone table, which HODGINS refers to.]
HODGINS: We ran the explosive residue. It's predominantly ammonium nitrate. Also fuel oil, naptha, detergent and antimony sulfide.
CAM: Any of that unique enough to pinpoint our bomb maker?
HODGINS: Not even close.
CAM: Sweets says the pirate radio guy doesn't fit the profile. He's an extrovert, and we're looking for a lock-yourself-in-the-basement type of fellow.
HODGINS: All right. So, all we know so far is that the detonation pressure was about half a million pounds per square inch.
DAISY: Which is consistent with the skeletal damage. You can see blow out to the back, as well as curvature and divoting... all going in one direction, to the rear.
CAM: So the explosive was confined to the front of the vest.
HODGINS: Until we find the rest of the manubrium, it's going to be pretty tough to figure out specifics.
CAM: The manubrium doesn't just get up and walk away. Unless... [remembering] the bomber's own bones became shrapnel.
HODGINS: We checked the scene of the explosion, but we didn't check the cab driver, who took the biggest hit. I'll call the hospital.
[INT: FOUNDING FATHERS. BOOTH and BRENNAN are sipping drinks.]
BOOTH: So, I've decided to take you up on your offer.
[MUSIC: "Jingle Bells" on piano somewhere in the bar.]
BRENNAN: What offer?
BOOTH: Uh, you inviting me to your house for Christmas dinner? ... You forgot you invited me.
BRENNAN: No, it's just... No! My dad brought by my second cousin and... I really didn't like her.
BOOTH: Well, that makes sense.
BRENNAN: Why do you say that?
BOOTH: Well, because she's family. I mean, 90% of the time, family just gets under your skin. That's the difference between family and friends.
BRENNAN: She's unapologetically dogmatic. She lives her entire life based on the quotations of Benjamin Franklin.
BOOTH: Maybe she feels the same way about you and your mania for logic.
BOOTH: Okay, enthusiasm. Look, if you ditch this opportunity because a family member annoys you, it just... it just goes with the family territory.
BRENNAN: Hmm. That's true; you and Jared can barely be in the same room together.
BOOTH: Well, he's a whole other kettle of fish. I'll tell you that. He's just annoying.
[BOOTH's phone rings.]
BOOTH [into phone]: Booth. Uh, okay.
BOOTH [to Brennan, still on phone]: Um, somebody saw Angela's sketch on the TV. Says it looks like her son. Name of Holden Chevaleer. [into phone] Great. Thanks.
[He hangs up.]
BOOTH: Get this. Our bomber was an exterminator.
BRENNAN: Well, that makes sense. Exterminators use orange oil. And Hodgins said the bomb contained naptha. Exterminators use naptha to kill bed bugs.
[Night becomes day. INT: BOOTH'S OFFICE. BOOTH is at his desk and BRENNAN stands to the side. A middle-aged WOMAN is sitting across from BOOTH. This is ABBY CHEVALEER (played by Wendy Phillips) and hereafter referred to as ABBY.]
ABBY: That picture on the news. It's my son, isn't it?
[She hands a photograph to BOOTH. The photo shows a man wearing a red and white plaid shirt and smiling at the camera. This is her son HOLDEN CHEVALEER, a.k.a. SANTA CLAUS.]
BOOTH: Yes, ma'am.
ABBY: They didn't say why they were showing it, just that they wanted information. Why?
BOOTH: Well, we believe that your son was involved in a robbery at, uh, Capital Mutual Bank. Your son - did he ever use explosives, Mrs. Chevaleer?
ABBY: No, of course not. Holden wouldn't hurt a fly.
BRENNAN: Well, he's an exterminator. By definition, he hurts flies.
BOOTH: That's not what she meant, Bones.
ABBY: Holden is a good boy. We have dinner together almost every night. There's just the two of us, you understand.
BOOTH: Any friends?
ABBY: He's very shy. He's much happier working on his projects in the garage.
BRENNAN: What... what kind of projects?
ABBY: I don't really know. I like to give him his privacy.
BOOTH: He have any financial troubles?
ABBY: Everybody does. He tried to get a loan, but the bank wouldn't give him one.
BRENNAN: That must have made him very angry.
ABBY: Well, he isn't perfect. But I know my son. And if there has been any kind of trouble, it is not his fault. Just let me talk to him. He'll tell you, I know he will.
BOOTH [gently]: I'm afraid that's not going to be possible.
[ABBY's face falls and she becomes tearful.]
ABBY: Please. You just tell me what's happened to my son.
[INT: FBI CONFERENCE ROOM. We see CAM on a video link. She is in her office.]
CAM [on screen]: These just came through from the hospital. Pre-op photos of the cab driver and his x-rays.
[We see photos of the cabdriver before zooming out to show BOOTH and BRENNAN in a conference room and looking at a large screen.]
BRENNAN: Severe trauma primarily to the proximal phalanges and metacarpals. Pitting and multiple fractures to the palmar side.
CAM [in person]: He was probably trying to shield his face from the explosion. We think the fragment in his zygomatic arch may be the missing manubrium fragment.
BRENNAN: There. Did the hospital deliver the bone shrapnel fragments?
CAM [in person]: Ms. Wick's working on it now. We're hoping they'll give us a better sense of the bomb.
BRENNAN: We need Angela to recreate the explosion.
CAM [on screen]: As soon as Hodgins figures out the bomb.
[INT: LAB PLATFORM. DAISY is leaning over the bone table and HODGINS is standing behind her in a "hurry up" manner.]
DAISY: It's very difficult to work when someone is looking over your shoulder.
HODGINS: It's even more difficult to work when you have nothing to work on. Snap it up.
DAISY: This is it. The missing manubrium. Three parallel burns about two millimeters apart.
HODGINS: Ooh, I think we got our initiator. The bomb maker used the base of a small light bulb. Battery on one end, explosives on the other. I'm going to run this through the EXIS database.
[He begins to exit,]
DAISY: Oh, one more thing.
DAISY: I found this in Santa's 12th rib.
HODGINS: I'm never going to make my flight.
DAISY: I recommend celebrating in March.
HODGINS: Thank you... Ebenezer.
[INT: BRENNAN'S APARTMENT. MARGARET is sitting on BRENNAN's couch. BRENNAN sits in an armchair opposite her. They both hold mugs.]
MARGARET: You're not going to El Salvador for Christmas?
MARGARET: You don't strike me as someone who's flexible about their schedule.
BRENNAN: Well, I took advice from someone who knows more about families than I do.
MARGARET: "He that raises a large family does stand a broader mark for sorrow, but then, stands a broader mark for pleasure as well."
[There is a knock at the door.]
BRENNAN [standing]: Well, that's sort of what he said, but without the pleasure part.
[She opens the door, revealing BOOTH on the other side.]
BRENNAN [surprised]: Booth.
BOOTH [entering and not noticing Margaret]: Yeah, so an explosives unit checked out Holden Chevaleer's garage... there was nothing. And, uh, this guy's name doesn't even pop up in the system.
BRENNAN: Th-That's very interesting, but I...
BOOTH: Which just confirms that we have to find his accomplice. Nice tree. Oh, wow, who is this, your sister?
BRENNAN: No, uh... my second cousin.
MARGARET: I'm Margaret.
BRENNAN: There's no resemblance.
BOOTH: What do you mean? You're both very beautiful.
MARGARET: "Beauty and folly are old companions."
BRENNAN: Told you... Benjamin Franklin.
BOOTH: Right, right. Hey, hey! Good old Ben, you know, he invented electricity and the hundred dollar bill.
MARGARET: Neither one of those things is true.
BOOTH [to Brennan]: You're right, there's no resemblance whatsoever. Nice meeting you, Maggie.
BRENNAN: Bye, Booth.
BOOTH: See ya.
BRENNAN: Uh, that's my partner. He's FBI.
MARGARET: His eyes are too small to be really handsome.
BRENNAN: Well, I have to admit, I... find him pleasing to look at.
[INT: FBI HOOVER BUILDING. BOOTH steps out of elevators, seeing OWEN waiting for him. He strides down the hall and OWEN follow him.]
OWEN: Agent Booth.
BOOTH: I'm busy.
OWEN: Look, what you were saying about my broadcast blowing that guy up... I was hoping you could put me in contact with his mother.
BOOTH: Stay away from her.
OWEN: It was a coincidence. No way I could have known in a million years, but still...
BOOTH: If you don't feel responsible, then why do you want to talk to this victim's mother?
[They arrive at BOOTH's office and enter.]
OWEN: Hey, I was Army, man. Just like you. I served my country.
BOOTH: You don't even remember what this country stands for.
OWEN: Maybe it's you who forgot.
OWEN: Freedom of speech. I have the right to be heard.
BOOTH: Legally, yeah. Maybe you should think about saying something worth hearing.
OWEN: Look, it wasn't my fault.
BOOTH: You spew that poison out in the airwaves... this happened, you know it. [to other agent in area outside office] Agent, show him out.
OTHER AGENT [removing Owen from office] Sir. Let's go.
[BOOTH is still in his office. He removes his jacket as a video link with the Jeffersonian opens. HODGINS and CAM are onscreen.]
CAM: We ran the details of the bomb against the EXIS database. It's an identical match for a number of devices all built by the same man.
HODGINS: A guy named Malaki Wallace. [wallace's details appear onscreen.]
CAM: He got busted in the '90s for robbing a Western Union office.
HODGINS: And using an emulsion bomb with a light bulb initiator.
BOOTH: Okay, anything more current?
CAM [in person]: No. He's been dormant since he got out of prison.
BOOTH [onscreen]: Prison?
CAM: Yeah. And it looks like he came back with a bang.
[INT: FBI INTERROGATION ROOM. An unkempt middle-aged man is sitting across from BOOTH. This is MALAKI WALLACE (played by Jack Kehler), hereafter referred to as WALLACE.]
WALLACE: You're not listening. I been out of the bombing game for years.
BOOTH: Yeah, so how do you explain this?
WALLACE: Well, I'm always happy to consult. That is a simple incendiary device. Very rudimentary.
[BOOTH throws it toward the observation room, containing SWEETS. SWEETS remains in the room for the entire scene and we cut to the observation room for all of his lines. BOOTH can hear SWEETS through an earpiece.]
SWEETS: Whoa! Was that strictly necessary?
BOOTH: See, explosives unit, they found that in your apartment there, Malaki.
WALLACE: So? I'm a fidgeter.
SWEETS: Bomb making is a compulsive activity, much like arson.
WALLACE: The problem is just about anything will fidget itself into a bomb given half a chance and readily available household products.
BOOTH: Like something like this?
[He stands and begins swinging another device, on a string.]
WALLACE: Okay, okay.
SWEETS [nervously]: What is that, Booth?
WALLACE: Now, what do you want?
BOOTH: Where've you been for the past 48 hours?
WALLACE: Pushing plungers.
WALLACE: I'm an apartment super. Sewer line backed up and I spent Monday and Tuesday unclogging the toilets. I got 35 witnesses. The tenants all had to share one Porta Potti.
BOOTH: It's not that easy, pal. See, we have a device with your name written all over it. Naptha, limonene, light bulbs, whole deal, pal.
SWEETS: These guys consider themselves artists, Booth. Teachers.
BOOTH [to Wallace]: Well, maybe you, uh, you have a protégé. Someone you passed the torch to?
WALLACE: Well, if someone built one of my devices, they probably just got the recipe off my Web site.
BOOTH: You have a mad bomber Web site?
WALLACE: What can I say? Uh, I got fans.
BOOTH: And these fans... they subscribe?
WALLACE: E-mails and passwords and correspondence, you name it.
[INT: JEFFERSONIAN BONE ROOM. DAISY and BRENNAN are regarding the remains.]
DAISY: I found this in the area of the right articular capsule. It's a puncture mark, like you would get from a deep needle jab.
BRENNAN: Well, perhaps it's where the bomber injected himself with propranolol. Although it's unlikely someone would inject themselves deep enough to strike bone.
DAISY: Exactly. So I reviewed the X rays of the right scapula and hand. Look at the extensor facet of the glenoid cavity, and the bilateral asymmetry of the second metacarpal.
BRENNAN: Indicative of pronounced right-handedness. He couldn't have injected himself in the right arm.
HODGINS: Dr. B? I ID'd the fragment of wire we got out of his rib. Booth's gonna want to hear this.
[BRENNAN begins to exit.]
[INT: BOOTH'S OFFICE. BOOTH is on the phone with the Jeffersonian. He remains in his office for the duration of the call and we cut back and forth to him.]
BOOTH: All right, so someone else injected Santa with the propranolol.
[We cut to BRENNAN'S OFFICE, where BRENNAN and HODGINS have BOOTH on speakerphone.]
HODGINS: And the wire in his rib was triple-heat-treated boron/manganese steel.
BOOTH: Is that what they used to wire the tubes of the explosives together?
HODGINS: No, it's a patented form of steel used exclusively in high-end bike locks. It wasn't part of the bomb.
BRENNAN: It was what locked Holden Chevaleer into the bomb. Someone locked him into the vest, dressed him like Santa and then forced him to rob the bank.
BOOTH: Wait a sec. Patsy. That's why he said what he said. "I just answered the call." The guy's an exterminator, Bones. He meant "the call" literally.
BRENNAN: He answered a service call.
BOOTH: Only his customer locked him into a bomb and made him rob a bank. This is not good.
BOOTH: Why? Because whoever strapped Holden into the bomb didn't get what they wanted. What if they try again?
[INT: JEFFERSONIAN MEDICO-LEGAL LAB. ANGELA and CAM are walking.]
ANGELA: Oh, you looked peeved.
CAM: I went to wash my hands just now, but there was no soap in the dispenser. It had to be...
[They arrive at HODGINS'S OFFICE and enter.]
[HODGINS is wearing a bomb-type contraption similar to that of HOLDEN in an effort to gather information.]
HODGINS: Uh, you look irked.
CAM [staring in horror at Hodgins, with her mouth open and attempting to speak]: ...
ANGELA [translating]: She's mad about the soap.
CAM: Your analysis of the emulsion bomb included detergent.
ANGELA: You didn't actually get permission to recreate the bomb, did you?
CAM [in shock]: Oh, my God.
HODGINS: I needed to do this so that Angela could recreate the explosion.
CAM: You told him that?
ANGELA: No, no, don't let him turn this around on me.
CAM: I do not want an explosive device in my lab.
HODGINS: Relax, I did not connect the initiator...
[He moves to do something with pliers.]
HODGINS [patiently]: It is perfectly safe.
[There is a pause as CAM studies his hands suspiciously.]
CAM: What's that?
HODGINS: It's antimony sulfide. It's fine on its own. It's perfectly harmless. The bomber used it in the detonating charge.
ANGELA [fondly]: Hodgins is very authentic when it comes to his reconstructions.
CAM: We have to pull the evidence trays.
[She exits hurriedly as ANGELA and HODGINS stare after her, puzzled.]
[CUT to LAB PLATFORM, where ANGELA, HODGINS and CAM are unloading and sorting through the evidence trays.]
ANGELA: Give me a clue here, guys. What are we looking for?
CAM: It's H11209, biological evidence from witness Georgia Hartmeyer.
HODGINS: Oh, got it. It's her fingernail.
[He opens a container.]
CAM: I thought it was just blast residue, but that stain's definitely on the inside.
[The container holds a fingernail clipping. HODGINS wipes the inside of the fingernail with a Q-tip and licks the Q-tip as ANGELA and CAM watch disgustedly.]
CAM: Did you have to do that?
HODGINS: It's metallic and sweet. That is definitely antimony sulfide.
CAM: And it couldn't have gotten there unless she helped assemble the bomb.
[INT: FBI INTERROGATION ROOM. GEORGIA is waiting impatiently.]
[BOOTH and BRENNAN enter.]
BOOTH: Okay, Ms. Hartmeyer, we just have a couple follow-up questions, that's all.
BRENNAN: Like... what were you doing outside the bank... for instance?
GEORGIA: I told you, waiting for the bus.
BOOTH: I checked. You live on the other side of town.
GEORGIA: I take the bus to work.
BOOTH: You were fired three months ago.
GEORGIA: I like to shop in that area, okay?
BRENNAN: That is very interesting, because we checked your credit cards and you've never made a purchase anywhere near Capital Mutual Bank.
GEORGIA: You got nothing. I didn't blow him up. I swear I didn't blow him up.
[INT: ANGELA'S OFFICE. ANGELA and BRENNAN stand in front of ANGELA's display screen.]
ANGELA: So, I recreated the scene outside the bank.
[We see the image of a generic man who is wearing a red belt buckle with a rooster on it.]
BRENNAN: Oh, that's Booth, with the Cocky belt.
ANGELA: Yeah, and this is the cab driver and Georgia Hartmeyer. [She indicates other generic figures.] Now, I factored in everything we know about the bomb's velocity and direction... including the positions of Booth, Georgia and the cab driver prior to the blast. Okay, here we go.
[She plays the recreation. We see the illustrated 'SANTA' enter the street and then the blast, followed by simultaneous split-screen illustrations of the reactions of BOOTH, GEORGIA, the CABDRIVER and the place where SANTA blew up.]
ANGELA: You see the problem?
BRENNAN: The cab driver covered his face with his hands; we know that from his injuries. But given his proximity, he wouldn't have had the time.
ANGELA: Yeah. Now, I can adjust his reaction times, but even when I go superhuman... and I'm talking, like, Maverick and Iceman reaction times... look at where the bone shrapnel lands.
[She demonstrates these other possibilities, with the shrapnel landing in improbable locations.]
BRENNAN: The only explanation is that he was reacting not to the explosion but to the sound of the radio.
ANGELA: Yeah. Now check out the FCC's frequency allocation chart.
[An image of said chart appears onscreen.]
ANGELA: Now, Owen Thiel broadcast his pirate radio signal at 27.4 megahertz. Which is right next to 27.41 megahertz, which is the land mobile frequency this cab driver used.
BRENNAN: So Georgia and the cab driver must have locked Holden into the bomb vest. They waited outside of the bank. If Holden didn't do what they asked, the cab driver could detonate him with the cab radio.
ANGELA: Yeah, only Owen Thiel beat him to it.
BRENNAN: I'll have Booth look for the cab driver's name on Malaki's Web site subscriber list.
[She pulls out a phone and conveys the information to BOOTH.]
ANGELA: You know, all those jokes that I made about Santa ruining Christmas, I suck.
BRENNAN: Well, at the time you made those jokes, you weren't aware that Holden was a patsy.
ANGELA: You don't think that sometimes we forget those bones out there are people?
[INT: BOOTH'S SUV. BOOTH and BRENNAN are in the car.]
BOOTH: Georgia and the cab driver, they flipped on each other the second I got them into interrogation. Apparently they found each other at a debt counseling seminar, of all things.
BRENNAN: Well, how did they pick Holden?
BOOTH: The phone book. They called, and as soon as he showed up, they jumped him. Told him if he did what they wanted, they would set him free.
BRENNAN [sadly]: Sometimes people are terrible.
BOOTH: Yeah, I know.
BRENNAN: Cam says that the victim's mother is burying him on Christmas morning.
BOOTH: I heard that.
BRENNAN: It was just him and his mom, right?
BOOTH: Yeah, guy worked alone. He never had time for any friends.
[BRENNAN nods thoughtfully.]
BOOTH: What's wrong?
BRENNAN: Max told me that being alone at Christmas means that nobody loves you. She's burying her son. Alone. On Christmas. I think that's heartbreaking.
BOOTH: You know, when I say "heartbreaking," you say that the heart is a muscle so it... it can't break, it can only get crushed.
BRENNAN [choked up]: Isn't it heart-crushing?
BOOTH: You want to go to his funeral?
BRENNAN: Yes. I would. Then... she won't be alone.
BOOTH: You know what, Bones? Sometimes I think your heart muscle is bigger than people give you credit for.
[He smiles at her. She exhales shakily.]
[INT: CAM'S CAR, night. She and MICHELLE are presumably on the way to the airport.]
MICHELLE: You're being quiet. I promise to text 85 times a day. [Cam pulls over.] Why are you stopping?
CAM: I don't want you to go to Hawaii.
MICHELLE [angrily]: You're changing your mind?
CAM: You and me... we're the closest thing we have to family.
MICHELLE: You can't just change your mind.
CAM: And family spends Christmas together. We're spending Christmas together.
MICHELLE: You're serious?!
CAM: If I let you go, you're gonna have a good time...
MICHELLE: What's wrong with that?!
CAM: Everything. Because that's what we'll be to each other, just two people who don't spend Christmas together.
MICHELLE: So you want to be two people who spend Christmas together but one of them is really, really mad?
CAM: I know deep down you care. ...I just hope not too deep down.
MICHELLE: Can we at least talk about this?
CAM: No. It's my job to prove to you every day that you are loved in this world. And if doing that makes you angry...
MICHELLE: It makes me furious!
CAM: Well, then that's the price I pay. But you will know beyond a doubt that I can't just let you go flying off and not have it absolutely ruin my Christmas. Because right now, the way things are, there's... no Christmas without you.
[There is a long pause. Michelle looks over and away. Cam looks at her and then away. Finally they look at each other. Michelle leans over and hugs Cam.]
MICHELLE: I love you, too.
[Cam smiles. Michelle smiles back.]
[EXT: OWEN'S HOUSE. We watch through the window as OWEN THIEL is at his desk. He begins a broadcast. The mood is somber and his tone is pensive and remorseful.]
[MUSIC: "Star of Wonder" by Matt Alber.]
OWEN: A man died this week. By all accounts, he was a good man. Loved his mother, worked hard, shouldered his responsibilities. He was a man that any one of us would be proud to call "friend."
[MUSIC continues OWEN's broadcast plays over the next scenes.]
[EXT: GRAVEYARD. ABBY is standing alone at HOLDEN's grave. There is a coffin resting on a green mat on the snowy ground. A priest-type man is standing at the head of the coffin.]
OWEN [offscreen V.O.]: I killed him. With this microphone. I killed him by going on these airwaves and sharing my rage with you. Spreading my rage.
[The camera pulls back to reveal BOOTH and BRENNAN slowly coming to stand behind ABBY. They proffer a wreath and she smiles sadly. BOOTH lays the wreath on the coffin.]
OWEN [V.O.]: Now, you can say that it wasn't my fault, that it was a coincidence. I thought about that. Thought about it a lot. But the fact is...
[BOOTH crosses himself, and he and BRENNAN lower their heads.]
OWEN [V.O.]: The fact is, if it weren't for me, he might still be alive. I'm so sorry for that.
[BRENNAN watches BOOTH and then looks toward ABBY. Once again we return to an above shot and six other figures are walking toward the grave.]
OWEN [V.O.]: And I remembered something that I forgot over the last few years: that God is not only a god of anger and vengeance.
[BOOTH and BRENNAN hear crunching footsteps and look at each other in surprise, then behind them. Standing a respectful distance back are ANGELA, HODGINS, CAM, MICHELLE, SWEETS and DAISY, all dressed in funeral attire and looking somber.]
OWEN [V.O.]: Now, my religious beliefs tell me that Christ did not die in vain.
[ABBY looks back and sees the other attendees. She is still tearful but looks grateful also.]
OWEN [V.O.]: That He died to redeem us all.
[Another aerial shot of the group of eight at the graveside as the service begins.]
OWEN [V.O.]: And I intend to show that this good, simple man also did not die in vain.
[Now we return to OWEN through his window. We see him sitting at a desk and leaning toward a microphone.]
OWEN: That he redeemed one angry, shouting man. So these are the last words I will ever broadcast. And I hope they're the words you remember best.
[There is a long pause.]
OWEN: Peace on Earth.
[He finishes the broadcast and removes the headphones.]
[We see a series of large, decorated, lit-up Christmas trees next to a variety of D.C. landmarks before an exterior of BRENNAN's apartment.]
[INT: BRENNAN'S APARTMENT. It is festively decorated, and CAM, MICHELLE, SWEETS, DAISY, ANGELA, HODGINS, BOOTH, BRENNAN and also MAX and MARGARET are present.]
[MUSIC: "O Christmas Tree".]
CAM [to Sweets and Daisy]: What happened to the "down with Christmas, let's hump like bunnies" thing?
SWEETS: I'm not here for baby Jesus; I'm here for Agent Booth.
CAM: Ah, that explains the antlers.
SWEETS: It was a moment of whimsy.
MICHELLE: They look good on you, Dr. Sweets.
SWEETS: Thank you.
[Elsewhere in the apartment: Angela walks toward Hodgins.]
ANGELA and HODGINS: Hey.
[HODGINS hands her a cup.]
ANGELA: Thanks. So you think that we should feel like big, giant losers that we're not spending Christmas with family?
HODGINS: There's more than one kind of family.
ANGELA: Merry Christmas, Hodgins.
HODGINS: Merry Christmas, Angela.
[ KITCHEN: BOOTH, MARGARET and BRENNAN are preparing food items.]
BOOTH [to Margaret]: Hey. That's too much salt there, that's too much salt.
[He exits to DINING ROOM]
MARGARET: "He that would fish must venture his bait."
BOOTH [from dining room]: Bones, when are we gonna eat? I'm starving.
BRENNAN: Well, right now. [to Margaret] If Booth wants to fish, he'll fish. What on earth are you trying to say?
MAX [who has been offscreen]: Honey, families always give unwanted advice.
BRENNAN: Unwanted advice? You... you have to stop quoting Benjamin Franklin at me.
[She is carrying something to the table. Margaret picks up something and follows.]
BRENNAN: Well, I have no evidence of this, but I feel that every time you do that, it's not actually communication. I feel the same way when people tell jokes.
MARGARET [thoughtfully]: Hmm. I never thought of it that way.
BRENNAN: I'd rather hear what you have to say than Benjamin Franklin.
MARGARET: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
[Everyone has been coming to the table and they are now all seated expectantly.]
MAX: Tempe. This is your gathering. Wouldn't you like to say something?
BRENNAN: Oh, um... [standing] Thank you, everyone, for coming. Let's eat. [she sits]
MAX: No. I-I mean, would you like to say something about Christmas?
BRENNAN: Okay. [standing] Um, Christmas has its roots in the pagan festival of Saturnalia, which is traditionally celebrated by intoxication, naked singing and the consumption of human-shaped biscuits.
BOOTH [standing hurriedly]: I think what Bones is trying to say here is that we're all just happy that we are all together.
BRENNAN: Well, we're all together every day.
MARGARET: Not me. No, I'm not here every day.
MAX [to Margaret]: Well, it's a different kind of together.
BOOTH [toasting]: To family... friends... lovers... family... and food.
BRENNAN: You said "family" twice. It's repetitious.
BOOTH: It's a good toast, though. Cheers. Okay?
ALL OVERLAPPING: Cheers, Merry Christmas.
BOOTH [as he and Brennan sit]: All right.
MARGARET: What do we do now?
BOOTH: Ah, let's say a prayer.
BRENNAN: No, no prayer, not in my place.
BOOTH: Bones, I always pray.
BRENNAN: Maybe just a moment of silence.
BOOTH: Hold hands.
[ALL hold hands.]
BOOTH: Silent night.
[The camera pulls back through the window. We see the gathering around the table holding hands.]