[The episode begins at a graveyard where SpongeBob is once again trying to pass his driving test for Mrs. Puff. SpongeBob is having major difficulty with the brakes and tries to slow the boat down.]
Mrs. Puff: I suggested having this lesson in the cemetery because I thought you couldn't kill anyone here. But now I'm afraid you're disturbing the dead!
[A construction worker is covering a hole. SpongeBob drives into the hole and Mrs. Puff gets dirt in her hair.]
Mrs. Puff:[gasps] Before they bury me, get me to a pay phone. [gets dirt in her mouth]
[The worker covers the entire hole with the dirt. Mrs. Puff spits dirt out of her mouth.]
Mrs. Puff: I need to call another instructor for you. I just...can't...take it anymore!
[SpongeBob puts the boat in reverse and backs the boat out of the hole. SpongeBob drives the boat backwards but bumps into a rock and sends them flying. The boat falls backwards until it stops in front of the payphone.]
Mrs. Puff:[notices Bikini Bottom Jail] Huh? You stopped in front of the prison? Never mind! Any place is better than in this boat with you! [gets out of the boat and runs to the payphone]
[The Bikini Bottom Jail alarm goes off. A convict named Stickyfins Whiting escapes from jail and jumps into SpongeBob's boat.]
Stickyfins:[puts on seat belt] What are ya waiting for? Step on it!
SpongeBob: You must be the new driving instructor.
[Stickyfins looks at SpongeBob student driver card.]
SpongeBob: Student driver. That's me. I just don't take a bad picture, do I?
Stickyfins: Uh, yeah, yeah, sure. I'm your new driving instructor.
SpongeBob: Great! Look how I can tune the radio. [turns on radio]
Radio Announcer: Breaking news!
Radio Announcer: Notorious criminal, Stickyfins Whiting, has just escaped from prison.
[Stickyfins punches the radio.]
Stickyfins: Very good radio tuning skills. Now, drive as fast as you can!
[Stickyfins grabs SpongeBob's foot and presses it really hard on the accelerator. SpongeBob and Stickyfins drive away.]
Mrs. Puff: Stop! SpongeBob! Come back! [gasps] I can't believe I said that!
[Just then, another driver named Dorsal Dan, who is Stickyfins' partner-in-crime, pulls over.]
Dorsal Dan: Stickyfins, where are you? I can't be that late.
Mrs. Puff:[gets in Dorsal Dan's car] Follow that sponge!
Dorsal Dan: Hey, you ain't Stickyfins.
Mrs. Puff: And you ain't a chocolate cake! Now, step on it! [puts on seat belt]
Dorsal Dan: Yes, ma'am! Dorsal Dan at your service!
[Police cars drive by. Mrs. Puff and Dorsal Dan follow them. Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Stickyfins continue driving while the police are in hot pursuit.]
Stickyfins:[notices the police cars] Oh! Oh! Crater-face! We're being followed! Lose that tail!
SpongeBob: I thought it'd made me look cool. [pulls out his ponytail] Guess not.
Stickyfins: Not that tail! The cops behind us! Drive crazy!
SpongeBob: Ohhhhh, that I can do!
[SpongeBob pulls out his brain and mixes it around that a matching cube. SpongeBob puts his brain back in his head and laughs like a crazed maniac. He drives the boat at a fast pace and bounces the boat over the skyscrapers of Bikini Bottom.]
Dorsal Dan: Wow! He's driving like a psycho! Who taught him how to drive?
[Mrs. Puff nervously giggles in embarrassment. A lady with her baby in her pouch is hanging her laundry on the clothesline. SpongeBob and Stickyfins fly into the clothesline and appear to be dressed like babies.]
SpongeBob:[sucking on pacifier] Good baby?
[SpongeBob and Stickyfins crash into a skyscraper. A rich man is also hanging his laundry on the clothesline. SpongeBob and Stickyfins fly into the clothesline, making the rich man naked.]
Rich Man: Gosh! [sputtering]
[SpongeBob and Stickyfins appear to be dressed like high-class people.]
SpongeBob:[British accent] I say, how's my automobiling?
[SpongeBob and Stickyfins crash into a fancy restaurant and drive past customers and waiters.]
Stickyfins: Let's see what's on the menu! [grabs numerous jewelry from the customers] Oh! I'll take those!
[Stickyfins grabs the chandelier and the steak from another customer. Stickyfins is wearing the jewelry he stole and eats the steak. SpongeBob drives the boat through the kitchen and drives out the back with one of the chefs stuck on the windshield.]
SpongeBob: Excuse me sir, I'm in the middle of a driving lesson!
[SpongeBob wipes the chef off of the windshield.]
Stickyfins: Look out, you maniac!
[SpongeBob swerves the boat around and knocks over a garbage dumpster, covering themselves and the boat with garbage. SpongeBob uses his nose to wipe the garbage out of his eyes. He screams as he driving the wrong direction in a busy street.]
Stickyfins: You're going the wrong way! Turn this thing around!
SpongeBob: You got it! Turning around!
[SpongeBob turns the boat around, but the boat is still going backwards.]
SpongeBob: Oh, you're a great instructor! What now?
Stickyfins: Just...go with the flow.
[SpongeBob resumes his driving. Meanwhile, Mrs. Puff and Dorsal Dan drive through the mess SpongeBob made.]
Dorsal Dan: Looks like they shook us. Don't worry, we'll find them.
Mrs. Puff: They'll probably revoke my teacher's license for this.
Dorsal Dan: Hey, I'm a teacher too! I teach all kinds of things. Safe cracking, burglary, getaway driving.
Mrs. Puff:[giggles] I did notice you're a very good driver.
Dorsal Dan: Ha, ha, you ain't such a bad passenger yourself. [clicks tongue]
Mrs. Puff:[giggles] Oh, my!
[Meanwhile, SpongeBob stops the boat in front of a jewelry store.]
Stickyfins: Here's your next test. Follow me.
[Stickyfins and SpongeBob get out of the boat.]
Stickyfins: Distracted drivers are dangerous. I want you to distract that salesman in the store.
SpongeBob: I don't understand how this is gonna help with my driving.
Stickyfins: It's, uh...abstract thinking.
SpongeBob: Hey, I've heard of that!
[SpongeBob and Stickyfins enter the jewelry store.]
SpongeBob: Distract with the abstract. [snaps his fingers and morphs his head into numerous shapes]
Salesman: Hey, shapes and noises! I love it!
[SpongeBob continues to distract the salesman with his morphing. Stickyfins sneak into the back of the counter and steals a huge amount of jewelry. Stickyfins walks out of the store and honks the horn with the stolen jewelry in the back of the boat. SpongeBob walks out of the store and gets into the boat.]
SpongeBob: What's the next lesson?
Stickyfins: The nearest electronic store.
SpongeBob: Oh, you really know how to challenge a guy.
[SpongeBob drives away from the jewelry store. When he turns to a corner, a safe falls out of the boat and spills money. Police cars drive in the other direction where the money is spilled.]
Salesman: Help! Help! I've been robbed!
Mrs. Puff: I've shopped in that place before, and I've been robbed too.
[Mrs. Puff and Dorsal Dan laugh.]
Dorsal Dan: What now, beautiful?
Mrs. Puff: I wouldn't mind seeing you navigate a four-way stop.
Dorsal Dan: Romance always has the right of way.
Mrs. Puff: Oh, my!
[Mrs. Puff and Dorsal Dan resume their driving. The scene changes to Stickyfins and SpongeBob at the electronic store.]
SpongeBob:[adjusts his driving seat] Ah! Wha— Oop. [driving seat goes up and spins SpongeBob around] Whoa! [his seat slams him into the steering wheel]
[SpongeBob straightens out his driving seat. Stickyfins comes back out with several electronics he stole and stuffs them in the back of the boat.]
Stickyfins: I need to launder these bills—fast!
SpongeBob: I know just the place! But first, let me adjust your seat.
[SpongeBob adjusts the passenger seat, which makes Stickyfins falls backwards.]
Stickyfins: Ooh! [his passenger seat shoves him into the window] Hey! What's the big idea?
[SpongeBob drives away from the electronic store. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Stickyfins at the boatwash. Police cars drive by the boatwash just as SpongeBob and Stickyfins drive out with suds in the boat. SpongeBob drives the boat in the middle of the road, knocking over two other boats.]
Stickyfins: What is wrong with you? [falls backwards with the passenger seat]
[SpongeBob continues to drive as Mrs. Puff and Dorsal Dan are driving up the road.]
Dorsal Dan: I think your sponge should be around here somewhere.
Mrs. Puff:[gasps] I didn't even feel you slow down. You've got such a gentle foot on the pedal.
Dorsal Dan: Gosh. No one's ever said I had a gentle foot before. [holds up his gentle foot]
[A passing truck blows the suds off of SpongeBob and Stickyfins' boat.]
Mrs. Puff:[gasps] SpongeBob! [honks the horn]
Stickyfins: Why's that jerk honking? Go! Drive!
[SpongeBob drives away from Mrs. Puff and Dorsal Dan.]
Mrs. Puff: Sorry about your gentle foot! Hi-yah! [steps on Dorsal Dan's foot]
Dorsal Dan: Hey—Owww!
[Mrs. Puff attempts to catch up to SpongeBob, but SpongeBob swerves the boat to another direction.]
SpongeBob:[notices driving range sign] Oh! Ooh, driving range!
[SpongeBob drives over to the driving range, but crashes into the sign. Pieces of the sign hits Stickyfins in the face. The boat flies in the middle of the driving range and stops.]
SpongeBob: How's my driving?
Stickyfins:[gets hit by a golf ball] Doh! [gets rained on by golf balls] Doh—doh—doh—doh—doh—
[Golfers are swinging their golf balls out into the field.]
SpongeBob:[gets hit by a golf ball] Doh! That kinda hurts, don't ya think?
Stickyfins:[gets hit by golf balls] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[Stickyfins opens his eyes and pokes the golf balls out with his eyeballs. Then he spits the golf balls out of his mouth.]
Stickyfins: For the love of Neptune, let's get outta here!
SpongeBob:[hums as his puts on seat belt] Uh-huh. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh! [puts air freshener on the mirror and sniffs as a golf ball gets in his nose] Oh, yeah.
[SpongeBob drives out of the driving range and drives into a dangerous coral field. SpongeBob smashes the danger sign.]
Stickyfins: Ah! [ducks as part of the sign flies over him] Ha, ha!
[Stickyfins gets hit by several corals.]
Stickyfins: Oh! Oh! Ow! [his face is messed up and gets hit by another coral] Oh! [his face is back in shape but most of his teeth falls out of his mouth]
[SpongeBob continues to drive over the dangerous coral field.]
Stickyfins: Ooh—ow! [sobs and screams]
[A coral flies into Stickyfin's mouth, which he swallows. SpongeBob drives out of the coral field and lands into a safe spot.]
Stickyfins:[sobbing] I just wanna know...what'd I ever do to deserve this?
SpongeBob: Would you like to test me on road signs now? Let's see... [looks at road signs] "Stop," "No Left Turn," and that one over there that says "Falling Rocks!"
Stickyfins: Wait, what? [gets hit by a rock] Ooh! [gets hit by another rock] Oof!
[Stickyfins becomes dizzy and gets a huge lump on his head from the falling rocks.]
Stickyfins:[gets hit by a rock] Whoa!
[SpongeBob drives off as rocks continue to fall off the ridge. Officer Rob Johnson is sleeping, with Officer Nancy munching on a donut in their car, just as they heard SpongeBob and Stickyfins speeds past them, startling them. Officer Nancy gets coffee spilled onto Rob Johnson's face, making him scream. The police drive their cars and chase after SpongeBob and Stickyfins. At that same moment, Mrs. Puff and Dorsal Dan see SpongeBob and Stickyfins driving next to them.]
Mrs. Puff:[gasps] SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff!
Dorsal Dan: Stickyfins!
Stickyfins: Dorsal Dan! Help meeeee!
SpongeBob: Hey, Mrs. Puff! The new instructor's been teaching me so much. Not as much as you. But y'know, different things.
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, you gotta keep your eyes on the road!
SpongeBob: He hasn't taught me that one yet! [takes his eyes out of his face] Oh!
[SpongeBob drags his eyes on the road. Mrs. Puff and Dorsal Dan gasp as they are heading towards a cliff. Mrs. Puff and Dorsal Dan drive to a different direction but SpongeBob and Stickyfins drive over the cliff with the police in hot pursuit.]
Stickyfins: Ah! Get me outta here! [tries to gnaw the seat belt]
SpongeBob: Aww, you must be hungry. I've got some of Gary's Snail Snacks.
[SpongeBob takes out the snail snacks from his pocket and shoves it into Stickyfins' mouth. The police are right behind SpongeBob and Stickyfins.]
Officer: This is the police. Pull over!
[Stickyfins looks down and sees that they are heading straight to Bikini Bottom Jail.]
Stickyfins: Right turn! Make a right turn!
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, professor!
[SpongeBob swerves the boat and crashes into Bikini Bottom Jail. Stickyfins jumps out of the boat and falls right in front of the security guards and the warden.]
Stickyfins: Yes! I'm back! [kisses the ground] Thank Neptune! Don't let me out ever again! It's not safe out there! Lock me away! Forever, and ever!
Security Guards and Warden: Huh?
[Stickyfins runs into the solitary confinement cell and locks himself inside.]
Security Guard:[carrying Dorsal Dan] Warden, I found this one pulling up outside the prison.
Warden: Dorsal Dan! The notorious getaway driver. Toss him in the clink!
[The security guard goes to throw Dorsal Dan in with Stickyfins.]
Mrs. Puff:[crying] I'll wait for you, my little tenderfoot! [sobbing]
[The cell doors close just as SpongeBob falls next to Mrs. Puff.]
SpongeBob: Hey, where'd the new instructor go? Oh, well, I still have ten minutes left on my driving lesson. [singsong] Oh, Mrs. Puff?
[Mrs. Puff whimpers and her eyes widen. She freaks out and runs over to the solitary confinement cell, knocking on the doors.]
Mrs. Puff: I'll confess to anything! Throw away the key! It's not safe out here! Let me in!
[Three police cars fall and crash behind SpongeBob.]
Officers: Drive safely, and always wear your seat belt!