This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Donut of Shame" from season five, which aired on August 1, 2007.


  • [Patrick wakes up grunting and moaning with lots of drool all over his mouth.]
  • Patrick: Wha...? What happened? Where am I!? [Crawls backward, looks at all the mess that's around the room and then chuckles] Oh yeah, the party! I must've passed out in SpongeBob's kitchen... on the ceiling. [falls off the ceiling and into a chair] See, SpongeBob, I told you we shouldn't stay up past 8:30. Things get real crazy after 8:30! [clock shows 8:35 and SpongeBob is playing tea party up in his room]
  • SpongeBob: Would you like another spot of tea, Ms. Nibsy? Oh, you would? [pours some average tea]
  • Patrick: Whooooo! Chamomile, chamomile, chamomile! Oh, she really knows how to pound 'em down, huh, SpongeBob? [you can hear SpongeBob snoring] SpongeBob... SpongeBob? Sponge- [notices SpongeBob sleeping with a donut in his hand] That's a good lookin' donut... Wow... [chuckles and tries to run away with it but gets lunged back into SpongeBob] This donut's connected to SpongeBob! Oh... [takes the donut off of SpongeBob's hand] It worked! [chuckles and runs off to his rock with it. Sits at the table with the donut on a plate] A beautiful specimen of donut-hood. A donut this nice deserves to be served on fine china! [opens up his cupboard and all his plates, except for one, fall and break on the floor] The good plate. [takes the plate and goes to the table with it] Don't worry, donut. No longer will you suffer the indignity of sub-par dining wear! I don't think I've ever seen a donut this nice before... [is about to eat it, but stops] Except maybe that donut SpongeBob showed me last night... [flashback to last night]
  • SpongeBob: A donut this nice could really make a guy happy! [passes out on the table behind him]
  • [Back to present time, Patrick gasps and opens his rock to check on SpongeBob’s house. He goes back to the table]
  • Patrick: This is SpongeBob's delicious... [puts the donut in his mouth] Wai... I 'ant eat 'is 'onut...! [spits it out] It's SpongeBob's! [cries. Then the donut consciousness's appear on Patrick's shoulders]
  • Devil Donut: Go on and eat it. What are you waitin' for?
  • Angel Donut: Don't do it! It's SpongeBob's donut!
  • Devil Donut: Don't listen to him, he's covered with sprinkles.
  • Patrick: [cries] ...I hate conflicts!
  • Devil Donut: It couldn't get any easier than this. Just hook a chain to it, [does so] pop it in your mouth, and then when your sponge friend wants it back, just yank it out.
  • Angel Donut: I hate to admit it, but that's a great idea! [the red and white donuts disappear]
  • Patrick: [Patrick eats the donut and chuckles. His stomach rumbles] And now... [takes out the chain but the donut is not on it] SpongeBob's donut, I ate it! [coughs it up and spits it out] I've gotta sneak this back into SpongeBob's house before he- [phone rings. Patrick answers] Hello...?
  • SpongeBob: [on phone] Hey, Patrick.
  • Patrick: [screams]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Star. It's SquarePants. That was some party last night, huh, buddy?
  • Patrick: [screams again]
  • SpongeBob: That's exactly how I feel about it. [screams] Luckily, I videotaped the whole party so we can relive it over and over and over again.
  • Patrick: Ah, don't watch that tape..!
  • SpongeBob: I'm waiting to watch it with you, Sillyfish! I'll be right over. [hangs up phone] Sheesh, Patrick's so excited, I better not keep him waiting!
  • Patrick: Oh, no... that video will show me stealing SpongeBob's donut..! Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, eee, eee! I gotta hide this thing. [tries hiding it under a picture of him and SpongeBob but it slips out. Patrick gasps and took it, Patrick tries to hide the donut in the lamp but the light on the ceiling shows the donut's reflection. Patrick takes it out, SpongeBob leaves his house and heads towards Patrick's, Patrick runs around it before putting it under the rug] Whew... [falls backwards onto a chair] Oh... [imagines SpongeBob walking in and stepping on the donut]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, I- [squish. He looks down, gasps and screams] Donut! You monster...! You monster! [Patrick gasps and screams, gets up and takes the donut and puts it in the toaster, but then imagines SpongeBob again] Nothing goes with a video like toast! Let's pop some toast in the toaster and watch this bad boy! [Patrick screams and takes it out of the toaster]
  • Patrick: Ow, hot, hot, hot, ow! [throws it in the toilet, then imagines SpongeBob again]
  • SpongeBob: Get out of the way, Patrick, I gotta go! [takes it out of the toilet]
  • Patrick: ...The attic! [Cut to SpongeBob as he walked closer to Patrick's house, Patrick runs up imaginary steps, panting] Wait... I don't have an attic! [falls into his hole and screams] [lands on the floor and gets up] Oh... Ooh! I know! The attic. [goes up the imaginary steps again, falls and screams again] [lands and got up again]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick!
  • Patrick: Ah! H-hey, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Are you ready to-
  • Patrick: I don't have anything behind my back, so don't look there! [the donut is in the back of his pants]
  • SpongeBob: Okay... No problem. Ready to see this? [takes out the tape, Patrick's eyes shrunk in horror] The official testament of how heartily we party... hardy? [puts the tape in the VCR and about to push play, but Patrick stops him]
  • Patrick: No! [sobs] I took it, SpongeBob! I took your donut...! I'm sorry!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick! You really need to see this video! [cut to TV screen, revealing the video] I wanna give you this, because you're my buddy and... A donut this nice could really make a guy happy... [falls over, TV then goes static]
  • Patrick: [surprised] You mean... [takes out the now-dirty donut behind his back] This is mine?
  • SpongeBob: Of course! It was your birthday!
  • Patrick: [cluelessly] When?
  • SpongeBob: Last night, silly!
  • Patrick: [realizing] Oh... Thanks, buddy! [tears the donut in half] Hey, Wanna share it?
  • SpongeBob: Sure, pal! [both eat their half but SpongeBob begins to stop chewing because of the taste]
  • Patrick: Yeah, pretty good, huh?
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