Scene 1

Man: (voice) Twenty-five years ago, a scientist named Carl Manchester took his kid to work because it was Take Your Kid To Work Day

Carl: Now, as you can all see, two normal panes of glass

Scene 2

Young Ray: Whoa, Daddy, watch my new trick!

Carl: Not now, Ray, Daddy's busy being a scientist

Young Ray: But--

Carl: Go skateboard out in the hall

Young Ray:Yes, Daddy

Scene 3

Carl: Now, observe this first pane of glass

[glass shatters]

[sputtering]

Carl: I broke it. But watch. I move this identical pane of glass here into my trans-molecular densitizer, which I invented, and... (turning on switches) ...I engage power

[densitizer humming]

[lever creaking]

[power surging]

[densitizer zaps]

[lever creaking]

Crowd: Ohhh...

Carl: Now then...

[glass reverberates]

Crowd: Ohh...

Carl: The glass is now indestructible

[applauding]

Carl: Thank you. Now let's all leave my device unsupervised in this room and discuss it in the next room

Man: Good idea

[chattering]

Young Ray: Daddy! Hey, Daddy! Daddy! Whoa! Whoa!

[densitizer humming]

Carl: Holy gosh!

[yelping]

Carl: Raymond!

[young Ray yelping]

Young Ray: Oh!

Carl: Son! Are you all right?

Young Ray: Yeah. I feel great!

Carl: Oh, thank jeepers! When I saw you there being bombarded with the proton beams, I..Wait!

[scanner clicking]

[scanner chiming]

[scanner clanks]

Young Ray: Ow!

Carl: Did that hurt?

Young Ray: Well, yeah. You cracked me over the head with a metal bat. Hey, it only hurt for a second

Carl: No scratches? No bump? No throbbing? Ray, do you know what this means?

Young Ray: Now I get to crack you in the head?

Carl:It means you are very special now, and when you grow up, you could be...

Scene 4

Jasper: Captain Man!

Henry: What about Captain Man?

Jasper: Did you guys see what he did yesterday?

Charlotte: Can we focus on algebra?

Jasper: There was a fire at a pet store and Captain Man ran inside, right through the flames, and saved all the animals and he didn't even get hurt

Henry: Captain Man never gets hurt. He's a beast

Charlotte: You know, some day, when you guys are cleaning my swimming pool because you failed this algebra test, then flunked out of school, I hope you remember this moment, 'cause I will

Henry: Hey, here's a cool job I could do. Foot model!

Jasper: You guys, can we go over the list for my birthday party?

Henry: Sure!

Charlotte: No!

Henry: No!

Jasper: But I invited 52 people. And nobody's texted me back yet. What does that mean?

Henry: That people have been to your parties before?

Jasper: Oh, come on, my parties aren't that bad

Charlotte: Christmas. Three years ago. Fifteen kids ended up in the hospital

Henry: 'Cause of your raw turkey

Jasper: It was turkey sushi

Charlotte: A boy almost died

Jasper: Almost!

Henry: Okay, first person who helps me find an after school job gets this bowl of pinecones

[gasps]

Charlotte: Why do you even need a job?

Henry: You know, to learn responsibility. Challenge myself

Jasper: He wants money

Henry: I want money!

Charlotte: Money's good

Jasper: Can we please talk about my birthday?

Charlotte: Oh, am I gonna have to slap a boy?

Scene 5

Kris: Henry, can you please tell me, how in the world--Oh, I didn't know Jasper and Charlotte were here

Jasper: We're studying

Charlotte: Are we?

Henry: Mom, we're right in the middle of some--

Kris: I'm not interrupting

Henry: --Thing

Kris: I just have a question about your underwear

Henry: Mom!

Charlotte: I'd like to hear the question

Jasper: What is the issue with Henry's underwear?

Scene 6

Piper: Mom!

[door slams]

Piper: Mom, I'm not okay!

Henry: Piper, we're trying to study here

Piper: I'm talking to my mother

Kris: What's wrong, baby?

Piper: Jessica unfollowed me!

Henry: No one cares!

Kris: Henry. Why would Jessica unfollow you?

Piper: 'Cause she posted a picture of her, with me and Allison. So I posted a comment that said,"OMG, you look so gorgeous"

Kris: Well, that's nice

Piper: No! 'Cause Allison thought it meant she looked gorgeous, so she posted a comment that said, "Thanks, I-O-I." And so then, Jessica got jealous and unfollowed me and now I hate myself and I'm gonna die!

Kris: I'll call Jessica's mom and talk to her

Piper: No! That's not okay!

Scene 7

Henry: Dang it. All these jobs say I've got to have skills

Jasper: So, you've got tons of skills

Henry: Name one

Jasper: You're a great dancer

Henry: No, I'm not

Jasper: You could take lessons

Henry: Oh, my gosh

Charlotte: What?

Henry: I'm...I'm not great at anything. This is tragic

Charlotte: Here, let me see

Henry: I'm just a big pile of average

Charlotte: Okay, here's a job

Henry: Where?

Charlotte: At a store called Junk-N-Stuff. It says, needed, part-time helper for various duties

Jasper: Duties

Charlotte: And, see, it says, no special skills necessary

Henry: That's me! I've gotta go get that job! You get the pine cones

Charlotte: Sweet. Good luck, Hen!

Henry: Thanks!

Scene 8

Jasper: If you give me a pine cone, I'll lick my elbow

[loud smack]

Scene 9

[door bell jangle]

[hissing]

-What are you lookin' at?

Henry: Uh, nothing. Just, uh...this turtle's butt. Sorry

Scene 10

[slurping liquid]

[Henry clears throat]

Henry: Um, my name is Henry Hart. I'm here about the job?

Gooch: The job

[plant burps]

Henry: Um...did that plant burp?

Gooch: Go back

Henry: Come back?

Gooch: Go back

Henry: Where?

Gooch: To the back

Henry: Oh, go to the back

Gooch: Take the elevator down

Henry: What floor?

Gooch: Down

Henry: The "Down" floor?

Gooch: Good luck

Baby plant: Take

Henry: Uh, you, too

Scene 11

[cell phone beeping]

Henry: Hey, what's up?

Scene 12

Jasper: Does my basement smell like chicken poop?

Charlotte: Yes!

Scene 13

Henry: What?

Scene 14

Jasper: I'm down in my basement with Charlotte and she said it smells like poop--from a chicken

Charlotte: A sick chicken

Scene 15

Henry: What are you and Charlotte doing in your basement?

Scene 16

Charlotte: He wants to have his birthday party down here in this chicken toilet

Jasper: This is my home!

Scene 17

Henry: Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm at a job interview. So, I've gotta go--

[screaming]

Scene 18

Jasper: Henry! Are you still there?

Scene 19

[screaming]

Henry: Whoa!

Jasper: (on phone) Henry? 

Charlotte: (on phone) Henry?

Henry: I'll call you back

Scene 20

[loud rock music]

Henry: Hello?

No fear no pain

Ray: Hey, how are ya? Cool! Thanks! Great to meet ya. I'm doin' good. What's your name?

Henry: Um...I'm Henry Hart. I'm here about the job?

Ray: Age?

Henry: Thirteen. I'll be fourteen...on my next birthday

Ray: Ah, so, you're aging sequentially. I like that

Henry: Thanks

Ray: My name's Ray

Henry: Hi, Ray

Ray: You ask a lot of questions

Henry: I don't think I've asked any questions

Ray: Chocolate or vanilla?

Henry: Vanilla

Ray: Helicopters or kangaroos?

Henry: Helicopters?

Ray: Love it! Scrambled eggs or dynamite?

Henry: Both?

Ray: Maybe. Complete this sentence. I'm sorry, mother, I didn't mean for my elephant to...blank?

Henry: Uh, lick dad

Ray: Ha. Ha

[both laughing]

Ray: Oh, that's not funny

Henry: No. Um, is this, uh, the job interview...

Ray: Do you want it to be the job interview?

Henry: Um, what is the job?

Ray: What do you think the job is?

Henry: Uh, well, the ad said "Part-time Helper". So, I'm thinking maybe you need someone to...to help you, you know, part...time

Ray: Do you ever dream about sleeping?

Henry: No

Ray: Good! If you did, you'd be dead

Henry: I am so confused

Ray: David?

Henry: Henry

Ray: Can I trust you?

Henry: Sure

Ray: Can you keep a secret?

Henry: Totally

Ray: So I can trust you to keep a secret?

Henry: Yes, sir

Ray: I'm going to blow a bubble

Henry: You're going to blow a bubble?

Ray: Then I'm going to blow your mind

[dramatic music]

Henry: You're...you're Captain Man!

Captain Man/Ray: That's right, Henry. Oh, hold on a second. (laughs) This stupid zipper! It always sticks! Come--Oh, that's my skin. (groans)

[dramatic music]

Captain Man/Ray: There we go! Ha ha. Woo! Always good to keep the old zipper lubed

Henry: I...I can't believe I'm standing here talking to Captain Man

Captain Man/Ray: Why? Are you a fan? Do you like me? Most people like me, but not everyone

Henry: Yeah, I'm a huge fan

Captain Man/Ray: Oh

Henry: Oh, man, I've got to tell Jasper about this. He's gonna freak when I tell him I'm here standing next to Captain--Ah!

Captain Man/Ray: Sorry, but you can't tell your friends about this

Henry: Okay, but...did you have to melt my phone?

Captain Man/Ray: I'll get you a new one

Henry: Really?

Captain Man/Ray: No. So, Henry, tell me why you want a job

Henry: Well, you know, to...to learn responsibility and challenge myself

Captain Man/Ray: So, you want money?

Henry: Lots of money

[bell rings]

-(in British accent) Oh, is this the ladies' room?

Captain Man/Ray: No, ma'am, you're not supposed to be down here

-(in British accent) What an interesting place

Captain Man/Ray: Thank you, but I'm conducting a job interview, and you're very old, so can you please just get back in the elevator?

-(in British accent) Oh, I'll just take me phone out of me purse and call me nephew

Captain Man/Ray: Great, I'll just turn my back and look at something

[dramatic music]

[flashback]

-What are you lookin' at?

[end of flashback]

Henry: Captain Man!

[groans]

[grunts]

-(in normal voice) Goodbye forever, Captain Man

Henry: No!

-(in British accent) Get off of me

Henry: Quit talking like a British lady!

-(in British accent) Stop pulling me wig over me eyes! I can't see!

[grunts]

Scene 21

Henry: Captain Man! Capt--Captain Man, are you okay?

Captain Man/Ray: Captain Man is always okay

[sighs]

Captain Man/Ray: Nice work, Boris

Boris: The boy did good job

Henry: W-W-W-ait. You know him?

Captain Man/Ray: That's Boris. He works for me

Henry: What?

Captain Man/Ray: How'd you know he wasn't really an old lady?

Henry: Uh, 'cause of the tattoo on his neck. I...I saw it on him up in the store. And his boobs are two wobbly

Captain Man/Ray: True. Go get those under control

Scene 22

Captain Man/Ray: Henry, you have a sharp eye. Good instincts. A nice shirt. And you're brave

Henry: Thanks

Captain Man/Ray: Do you know how to make sandwiches?

Henry: I do

Captain Man/Ray: Then you have all the qualities I'm looking for

Henry: But, I...I don't...

Captain Man/Ray: You're the one, Henry

Henry: The one to make you a sandwich?

Captain Man/Ray: (laughing) No

Henry: Oh

Captain Man/Ray: Well, yes. But...everybody gets old some day, even Captain Man. I can't do this forever

Henry: Do what?

Captain Man/Ray: Protect our town, Swellivew, from bad guys, bad things, bad smells

Henry: Smells?

Captain Man/Ray: You wanna be horrified?

Henry: No

Captain Man/Ray: Watch this!

The Toddler: (on computer) Poopy, no!

Henry: Who's the freak in the diaper?

Ray/Captain Man: The Toddler. And don't let the diaper fool ya, kid. He's pure evil

Henry: Wow

Captain Man/Ray: I'll show ya "wow". Watch this secret video that was intercepted by my people who intercept secret videos

The Toddler: (on computer) You were supposed to bring me my applesauce two minutes ago!

Man #2: (on computer) I'm sorry, Toddler

The Toddler: (on computer) Sorry don't make baby happy. Pffffft! Pffffft!

Man: (on computer) Toddler, good news. The radioactive signite is here

The Toddler: (on computer) Really? Wahoo! That means we can begin phase 2 of my plan

Man #2: (on computer) Will someone wipe my face?

The Toddler: (on computer) No! Pffffff! Pffffft! Dang, that takes so much effort. Have one of our scientists build me a device to do that

Man: (on computer) To do what, sir?

The Toddler: (on computer) This! Pffffft! Pffffft! Pffffft!

Scene 23

Captain Man/Ray: Oh! You see that?

Henry: He's a maniac

Captain Man/Ray: And there's more maniacs like him...all dangerous to the good citizens of Swellview

Henry: Well, yeah, but we've got you to stop 'em

Captain Man/Ray: True. But I'm not as young as I used to be. (sighs) I'm almost 34. I need help. And, some day, someone's gonna have to take over for me

Henry: Like...like me?

Captain Man/Ray: What do you say, Henry? Do you want to be my sidekick?

[laughs]

Henry: How much does it pay?

Captain Man/Ray: $9 an hour

Henry: Whoa!

Captain Man/Ray: I know, right?

Scene 24

[door bell jangle]

[dinosaur roars]

Jasper: Whoa!

Charlotte: Check this place out. Hey, look at this thing

Scene 25

Jasper: (on computer) Wow, a bucket of swords!

Henry: What are they doing here?

Captain Man/Ray: Friends of yours?

Henry: Uh-huh

Scene 26

Charlotte: Jasper, please don't embarrass me

Jasper: Excuse me, sir?

Charlotte: He's gonna do it

Gooch: Yes?

Jasper: How much?

Gooch: Each sword is $100

Jasper: No, no, how much for the bucket?

Gooch: The bucket?

Charlotte: That's not a bucket. That's a barrel

Jasper: It's close enough to a bucket. I collect buckets

Charlotte: Don't say it

Jasper: I'm a bucketeer

Scene 27

Captain Man/Ray: Well, they seem like nice kids

Henry: Yeah, their names are Jasper and Charlotte. I've known them ever since--

Ray/Captain Man: Get rid of them

Henry: I'll get rid of them

Scene 28

Jasper: (on computer) Wow, what a bucket

Captain Man/Ray: Ha! Kid sure loves that bucket

Scene 29

Henry: Hey!

Jasper & Charlotte: Henry!

Charlotte: Did you get the job?

Henry: Why are you guys here?

Scene 30

Jasper: (on computer) You hung up on us

Charlotte: (on computer) Did you get the job?

Scene 31

Henry: Yeah

Charlotte: Cool!

Jasper: Does that mean I can get a discount on this bucket?

Henry: Dude, it's my first day here. You've gotta--

Jasper: Excuse me. Mysterious foreign man? Do Henry's friends get a discount here?

Charlotte: That plant just shook it's head

Jasper: Wow!

Henry: Would you get him outta here!

Jasper: How much for the plant?

[plant mumbling]

Gooch: The plant is not for sale

Henry: Bye, guys!

Jasper: Come on, I'll give ya seven bucks for it and one Canadian Loonie! Ah, it spit in my eye!

Scene 32

Captain Man/Ray: Ha!

Scene 33

Charlotte: I told you Canadian money upsets people

[shouting]

Jasper: Wait, what about my bucket? I want the pretty bucket! Just let me bring the bucket!

Scene 34

Henry: (on computer) Go on!

Jasper: (on computer) I want my bucket!

Charlotte: (on computer) Will you shut up about that bucket?

Scene 35

Henry: Carry on

Scene 36

Henry: I gotta wear this?

Captain Man/Ray: All good sidekicks wear costumes

Henry: Sorry, but...this is bad

Captain Man/Ray: I have more options

Scene 37

-

Captain Man/Ray: Too sparkly

Scene 38

-

Captain Man/Ray: Unh, it's a little Broadway

Scene 39

-

Captain Man/Ray: Too tight

Henry: Uh, way too tight

-

Captain Man/Ray: Oh,man... (wobbles lips) I ate a lot of fruit

Scene 40

-

Captain Man/Ray: Hey! I like it

Kid Danger/Henry: I like it, but...it takes a lot of time to put on

Captain Man/Ray: And that's...why you'll need this special bubble gum

Kid Danger/Henry: Special--

Captain Man/Ray: Read the instructions

Kid Danger/Henry: "Chew gum. Blow bubble. Fight crime"

Captain Man/Ray: Now...

[metal clanks]

Kid Danger/Henry: What's this for?

Captain Man/Ray: It means we're engaged

Kid Danger/Henry: What? You...

Captain Man/Ray: No, I'm just kidding. That's how I'll contact you

Kid Danger/Henry: Well, why can't you just call me?

Captain Man/Ray: I melted your phone

Kid Danger/Henry: Right

Captain Man/Ray: Now, listen closely. That wristband flashes

Kid Danger/Henry: It flashes

Captain Man/Ray: A triple flashing light means emergency, like major stitch goin' down, so get here fast

Kid Danger/Henry: Right

Captain Man/Ray: A double flashing light means it's just important

Kid Danger/Henry: And what is a single flashing light mean?

Captain Man/Ray: Just to, you know, shoot me a text whenever

Kid Danger/Henry: Got it

Captain Man/Ray: Now, raise your right hand. Spread your fingers. Turn your head and cough

Kid Danger/Henry: What?

Captain Man/Ray: Ha, ha, joke. Place your left hand over your right lung...and repeat after me...I, Henry Hart

Kid Danger/Henry: I, Henry Hart

Captain Man/Ray: Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man...

Kid Danger/Henry: Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man...

Captain Man/Ray: And to never ever ever tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick

Kid Danger/Henry: And to never ever tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick

Captain Man/Ray: You left out one "ever"

Kid Danger/Henry: Ever

Captain Man/Ray: It is done

[laughs]

Kid Danger/Henry: It feels good!

Captain Man/Ray: Yeah

[alarm chiming]

Captain Man/Ray: Uh-oh! What's up,Gooch?

Gooch: (on computer) Someone sabotaged the bridge over the Jandy River

Captain Man/Ray: The bridge is down?

Gooch: (on computer) Affirmative

Captain Man/Ray: (to Henry) That means yes

Kid Danger/Henry: (to Ray) Yeah, I got that

Captain Man/Ray: Situation?

Gooch: (on computer) Cars in the water. Lives in danger

Captain Man/Ray: Understood

Scene 41

Captain Man/Ray: Phase 2 of The Toddler's plan. Let's ride!

Kid Danger/Henry: But...Ride where?

Captain Man/Ray: We've got people in the Jandy River that need saving. Come on!

Kid Danger/Henry: But...You mean we're going there? Together? Like right now?

Captain Man/Ray: Yeah, get under your tube. Ready?

Kid Danger/Ray: For what?

Captain Man/Ray: Up the tube!

Scene 42

Kid Danger/Henry: W-W-W-Wait. I don't know how to...Whoosh!

Captain Man/Ray: (in the tube) Just tap your belt buckle

Kid Danger/Henry: Ah! (laughs)

[belt beeps]

Kid Danger/Henry: Up the tube! Ooooohhhh!

Scene 43

Female reporter: (on TV) And we're going to come back to that story so we can take you live to the Jandy Bridge,which mysteriously collapsed a little over an hour ago

Kris: Jake, honey, come look. The Jandy Bridge collapsed

Jake: What? Ah, no, that was my favorite bridge

Man: (on TV) We understand there are several people in cars in the water. People are injured

[nasty laughter]

Jake: What happened?

Kris: They're not sure. They think--

Piper: Mom,Dad,I hate my life,and I'm not okay

Kris: Not now,honey. Daddy's favorite bridge collapsed

Piper: Who cares?

Jake: Your daddy cares

Piper: But every time I try to watch a video on my phone it keeps freezing,because our stupid Wi-Fi signal only gives me one bar

Jake: Then just wait until the video loads before you watch it

Piper: Oh,so we're living like animals now?

Kris: Later

Piper: I'll run away. I'll do it

Reporter on TV: Rescue workers were unable to get their equipment down the muddy embankment. Luckily,Captain Man arrived on the scene,leapt into the water,and saved the endangered citizens from drowning

News anchor on TV: And Ron,is it true that for the first time Captain Man wasn't working alone?

Reporter on TV: That's correct. It appears Captain Man has teamed up with a new sidekick,who apparently goes by the name Kid Danger

Kris & Jake: Huh

News anchor on TV: Well,once again Swellview owes a big thanks to Captain Man and,apparently,Kid Danger

Jake: Hey,Henry,did you get the job?

Henry: Yeah,just finished my first day

Kris: So how was work?

Henry: Uh,it was pretty...interesting

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.