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Man: (voice) Twenty-five years ago, a scientist named Carl Manchester took his kid to work because it was Take Your Kid To Work Day
Carl: Now, as you can all see, two normal panes of glass
Young Ray: Whoa, Daddy, watch my new trick!
Carl: Not now, Ray, Daddy's busy being a scientist
Young Ray: But--
Carl: Go skateboard out in the hall
Young Ray:Yes, Daddy
Carl: Now, observe this first pane of glass
Carl: I broke it. But watch. I move this identical pane of glass here into my trans-molecular densitizer, which I invented, and... (turning on switches) ...I engage power
Carl: Now then...
Carl: The glass is now indestructible
Carl: Thank you. Now let's all leave my device unsupervised in this room and discuss it in the next room
Man: Good idea
Young Ray: Daddy! Hey, Daddy! Daddy! Whoa! Whoa!
Carl: Holy gosh!
[young Ray yelping]
Young Ray: Oh!
Carl: Son! Are you all right?
Young Ray: Yeah. I feel great!
Carl: Oh, thank jeepers! When I saw you there being bombarded with the proton beams, I..Wait!
Young Ray: Ow!
Carl: Did that hurt?
Young Ray: Well, yeah. You cracked me over the head with a metal bat. Hey, it only hurt for a second
Carl: No scratches? No bump? No throbbing? Ray, do you know what this means?
Young Ray: Now I get to crack you in the head?
Carl:It means you are very special now, and when you grow up, you could be...
Jasper: Captain Man!
Henry: What about Captain Man?
Jasper: Did you guys see what he did yesterday?
Charlotte: Can we focus on algebra?
Jasper: There was a fire at a pet store and Captain Man ran inside, right through the flames, and saved all the animals and he didn't even get hurt
Henry: Captain Man never gets hurt. He's a beast
Charlotte: You know, some day, when you guys are cleaning my swimming pool because you failed this algebra test, then flunked out of school, I hope you remember this moment, 'cause I will
Henry: Hey, here's a cool job I could do. Foot model!
Jasper: You guys, can we go over the list for my birthday party?
Jasper: But I invited 52 people. And nobody's texted me back yet. What does that mean?
Henry: That people have been to your parties before?
Jasper: Oh, come on, my parties aren't that bad
Charlotte: Christmas. Three years ago. Fifteen kids ended up in the hospital
Henry: 'Cause of your raw turkey
Jasper: It was turkey sushi
Charlotte: A boy almost died
Henry: Okay, first person who helps me find an after school job gets this bowl of pinecones
Charlotte: Why do you even need a job?
Henry: You know, to learn responsibility. Challenge myself
Jasper: He wants money
Henry: I want money!
Charlotte: Money's good
Jasper: Can we please talk about my birthday?
Charlotte: Oh, am I gonna have to slap a boy?
Kris: Henry, can you please tell me, how in the world--Oh, I didn't know Jasper and Charlotte were here
Jasper: We're studying
Charlotte: Are we?
Henry: Mom, we're right in the middle of some--
Kris: I'm not interrupting
Kris: I just have a question about your underwear
Charlotte: I'd like to hear the question
Jasper: What is the issue with Henry's underwear?
Piper: Mom, I'm not okay!
Henry: Piper, we're trying to study here
Piper: I'm talking to my mother
Kris: What's wrong, baby?
Piper: Jessica unfollowed me!
Henry: No one cares!
Kris: Henry. Why would Jessica unfollow you?
Piper: 'Cause she posted a picture of her, with me and Allison. So I posted a comment that said,"OMG, you look so gorgeous"
Kris: Well, that's nice
Piper: No! 'Cause Allison thought it meant she looked gorgeous, so she posted a comment that said, "Thanks, I-O-I." And so then, Jessica got jealous and unfollowed me and now I hate myself and I'm gonna die!
Kris: I'll call Jessica's mom and talk to her
Piper: No! That's not okay!
Henry: Dang it. All these jobs say I've got to have skills
Jasper: So, you've got tons of skills
Henry: Name one
Jasper: You're a great dancer
Henry: No, I'm not
Jasper: You could take lessons
Henry: Oh, my gosh
Henry: I'm...I'm not great at anything. This is tragic
Charlotte: Here, let me see
Henry: I'm just a big pile of average
Charlotte: Okay, here's a job
Charlotte: At a store called Junk-N-Stuff. It says, needed, part-time helper for various duties
Charlotte: And, see, it says, no special skills necessary
Henry: That's me! I've gotta go get that job! You get the pine cones
Charlotte: Sweet. Good luck, Hen!
Jasper: If you give me a pine cone, I'll lick my elbow
[door bell jangle]
-What are you lookin' at?
Henry: Uh, nothing. Just, uh...this turtle's butt. Sorry
[Henry clears throat]
Henry: Um, my name is Henry Hart. I'm here about the job?
Gooch: The job
Henry: Um...did that plant burp?
Gooch: Go back
Henry: Come back?
Gooch: Go back
Gooch: To the back
Henry: Oh, go to the back
Gooch: Take the elevator down
Henry: What floor?
Henry: The "Down" floor?
Gooch: Good luck
Baby plant: Take
Henry: Uh, you, too
[cell phone beeping]
Henry: Hey, what's up?
Jasper: Does my basement smell like chicken poop?
Jasper: I'm down in my basement with Charlotte and she said it smells like poop--from a chicken
Charlotte: A sick chicken
Henry: What are you and Charlotte doing in your basement?
Charlotte: He wants to have his birthday party down here in this chicken toilet
Jasper: This is my home!
Henry: Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm at a job interview. So, I've gotta go--
Jasper: Henry! Are you still there?
Jasper: (on phone) Henry?
Charlotte: (on phone) Henry?
Henry: I'll call you back
[loud rock music]
♪No fear no pain♪
Ray: Hey, how are ya? Cool! Thanks! Great to meet ya. I'm doin' good. What's your name?
Henry: Um...I'm Henry Hart. I'm here about the job?
Henry: Thirteen. I'll be fourteen...on my next birthday
Ray: Ah, so, you're aging sequentially. I like that
Ray: My name's Ray
Henry: Hi, Ray
Ray: You ask a lot of questions
Henry: I don't think I've asked any questions
Ray: Chocolate or vanilla?
Ray: Helicopters or kangaroos?
Ray: Love it! Scrambled eggs or dynamite?
Ray: Maybe. Complete this sentence. I'm sorry, mother, I didn't mean for my elephant to...blank?
Henry: Uh, lick dad
Ray: Ha. Ha
Ray: Oh, that's not funny
Henry: No. Um, is this, uh, the job interview...
Ray: Do you want it to be the job interview?
Henry: Um, what is the job?
Ray: What do you think the job is?
Henry: Uh, well, the ad said "Part-time Helper". So, I'm thinking maybe you need someone to...to help you, you know, part...time
Ray: Do you ever dream about sleeping?
Ray: Good! If you did, you'd be dead
Henry: I am so confused
Ray: Can I trust you?
Ray: Can you keep a secret?
Ray: So I can trust you to keep a secret?
Henry: Yes, sir
Ray: I'm going to blow a bubble
Henry: You're going to blow a bubble?
Ray: Then I'm going to blow your mind
Henry: You're...you're Captain Man!
Captain Man/Ray: That's right, Henry. Oh, hold on a second. (laughs) This stupid zipper! It always sticks! Come--Oh, that's my skin. (groans)
Captain Man/Ray: There we go! Ha ha. Woo! Always good to keep the old zipper lubed
Henry: I...I can't believe I'm standing here talking to Captain Man
Captain Man/Ray: Why? Are you a fan? Do you like me? Most people like me, but not everyone
Henry: Yeah, I'm a huge fan
Captain Man/Ray: Oh
Henry: Oh, man, I've got to tell Jasper about this. He's gonna freak when I tell him I'm here standing next to Captain--Ah!
Captain Man/Ray: Sorry, but you can't tell your friends about this
Henry: Okay, but...did you have to melt my phone?
Captain Man/Ray: I'll get you a new one
Captain Man/Ray: No. So, Henry, tell me why you want a job
Henry: Well, you know, to...to learn responsibility and challenge myself
Captain Man/Ray: So, you want money?
Henry: Lots of money
-(in British accent) Oh, is this the ladies' room?
Captain Man/Ray: No, ma'am, you're not supposed to be down here
-(in British accent) What an interesting place
Captain Man/Ray: Thank you, but I'm conducting a job interview, and you're very old, so can you please just get back in the elevator?
-(in British accent) Oh, I'll just take me phone out of me purse and call me nephew
Captain Man/Ray: Great, I'll just turn my back and look at something
-What are you lookin' at?
[end of flashback]
Henry: Captain Man!
-(in normal voice) Goodbye forever, Captain Man
-(in British accent) Get off of me
Henry: Quit talking like a British lady!
-(in British accent) Stop pulling me wig over me eyes! I can't see!
Henry: Captain Man! Capt--Captain Man, are you okay?
Captain Man/Ray: Captain Man is always okay
Captain Man/Ray: Nice work, Boris
Boris: The boy did good job
Henry: W-W-W-ait. You know him?
Captain Man/Ray: That's Boris. He works for me
Captain Man/Ray: How'd you know he wasn't really an old lady?
Henry: Uh, 'cause of the tattoo on his neck. I...I saw it on him up in the store. And his boobs are two wobbly
Captain Man/Ray: True. Go get those under control
Captain Man/Ray: Henry, you have a sharp eye. Good instincts. A nice shirt. And you're brave
Captain Man/Ray: Do you know how to make sandwiches?
Henry: I do
Captain Man/Ray: Then you have all the qualities I'm looking for
Henry: But, I...I don't...
Captain Man/Ray: You're the one, Henry
Henry: The one to make you a sandwich?
Captain Man/Ray: (laughing) No
Captain Man/Ray: Well, yes. But...everybody gets old some day, even Captain Man. I can't do this forever
Henry: Do what?
Captain Man/Ray: Protect our town, Swellivew, from bad guys, bad things, bad smells
Captain Man/Ray: You wanna be horrified?
Captain Man/Ray: Watch this!
The Toddler: (on computer) Poopy, no!
Henry: Who's the freak in the diaper?
Ray/Captain Man: The Toddler. And don't let the diaper fool ya, kid. He's pure evil
Captain Man/Ray: I'll show ya "wow". Watch this secret video that was intercepted by my people who intercept secret videos
The Toddler: (on computer) You were supposed to bring me my applesauce two minutes ago!
Man #2: (on computer) I'm sorry, Toddler
The Toddler: (on computer) Sorry don't make baby happy. Pffffft! Pffffft!
Man: (on computer) Toddler, good news. The radioactive signite is here
The Toddler: (on computer) Really? Wahoo! That means we can begin phase 2 of my plan
Man #2: (on computer) Will someone wipe my face?
The Toddler: (on computer) No! Pffffff! Pffffft! Dang, that takes so much effort. Have one of our scientists build me a device to do that
Man: (on computer) To do what, sir?
The Toddler: (on computer) This! Pffffft! Pffffft! Pffffft!
Captain Man/Ray: Oh! You see that?
Henry: He's a maniac
Captain Man/Ray: And there's more maniacs like him...all dangerous to the good citizens of Swellview
Henry: Well, yeah, but we've got you to stop 'em
Captain Man/Ray: True. But I'm not as young as I used to be. (sighs) I'm almost 34. I need help. And, some day, someone's gonna have to take over for me
Henry: Like...like me?
Captain Man/Ray: What do you say, Henry? Do you want to be my sidekick?
Henry: How much does it pay?
Captain Man/Ray: $9 an hour
Captain Man/Ray: I know, right?
[door bell jangle]
Charlotte: Check this place out. Hey, look at this thing
Jasper: (on computer) Wow, a bucket of swords!
Henry: What are they doing here?
Captain Man/Ray: Friends of yours?
Charlotte: Jasper, please don't embarrass me
Jasper: Excuse me, sir?
Charlotte: He's gonna do it
Jasper: How much?
Gooch: Each sword is $100
Jasper: No, no, how much for the bucket?
Gooch: The bucket?
Charlotte: That's not a bucket. That's a barrel
Jasper: It's close enough to a bucket. I collect buckets
Charlotte: Don't say it
Jasper: I'm a bucketeer
Captain Man/Ray: Well, they seem like nice kids
Henry: Yeah, their names are Jasper and Charlotte. I've known them ever since--
Ray/Captain Man: Get rid of them
Henry: I'll get rid of them
Jasper: (on computer) Wow, what a bucket
Captain Man/Ray: Ha! Kid sure loves that bucket
Jasper & Charlotte: Henry!
Charlotte: Did you get the job?
Henry: Why are you guys here?
Jasper: (on computer) You hung up on us
Charlotte: (on computer) Did you get the job?
Jasper: Does that mean I can get a discount on this bucket?
Henry: Dude, it's my first day here. You've gotta--
Jasper: Excuse me. Mysterious foreign man? Do Henry's friends get a discount here?
Charlotte: That plant just shook it's head
Henry: Would you get him outta here!
Jasper: How much for the plant?
Gooch: The plant is not for sale
Henry: Bye, guys!
Jasper: Come on, I'll give ya seven bucks for it and one Canadian Loonie! Ah, it spit in my eye!
Captain Man/Ray: Ha!
Charlotte: I told you Canadian money upsets people
Jasper: Wait, what about my bucket? I want the pretty bucket! Just let me bring the bucket!
Henry: (on computer) Go on!
Jasper: (on computer) I want my bucket!
Charlotte: (on computer) Will you shut up about that bucket?
Henry: Carry on
Henry: I gotta wear this?
Captain Man/Ray: All good sidekicks wear costumes
Henry: Sorry, but...this is bad
Captain Man/Ray: I have more options
Captain Man/Ray: Too sparkly
Captain Man/Ray: Unh, it's a little Broadway
Captain Man/Ray: Too tight
Henry: Uh, way too tight
Captain Man/Ray: Oh,man... (wobbles lips) I ate a lot of fruit
Captain Man/Ray: Hey! I like it
Kid Danger/Henry: I like it, but...it takes a lot of time to put on
Captain Man/Ray: And that's...why you'll need this special bubble gum
Kid Danger/Henry: Special--
Captain Man/Ray: Read the instructions
Kid Danger/Henry: "Chew gum. Blow bubble. Fight crime"
Captain Man/Ray: Now...
Kid Danger/Henry: What's this for?
Captain Man/Ray: It means we're engaged
Kid Danger/Henry: What? You...
Captain Man/Ray: No, I'm just kidding. That's how I'll contact you
Kid Danger/Henry: Well, why can't you just call me?
Captain Man/Ray: I melted your phone
Kid Danger/Henry: Right
Captain Man/Ray: Now, listen closely. That wristband flashes
Kid Danger/Henry: It flashes
Captain Man/Ray: A triple flashing light means emergency, like major stitch goin' down, so get here fast
Kid Danger/Henry: Right
Captain Man/Ray: A double flashing light means it's just important
Kid Danger/Henry: And what is a single flashing light mean?
Captain Man/Ray: Just to, you know, shoot me a text whenever
Kid Danger/Henry: Got it
Captain Man/Ray: Now, raise your right hand. Spread your fingers. Turn your head and cough
Kid Danger/Henry: What?
Captain Man/Ray: Ha, ha, joke. Place your left hand over your right lung...and repeat after me...I, Henry Hart
Kid Danger/Henry: I, Henry Hart
Captain Man/Ray: Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man...
Kid Danger/Henry: Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man...
Captain Man/Ray: And to never ever ever tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick
Kid Danger/Henry: And to never ever tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick
Captain Man/Ray: You left out one "ever"
Kid Danger/Henry: Ever
Captain Man/Ray: It is done
Kid Danger/Henry: It feels good!
Captain Man/Ray: Yeah
Captain Man/Ray: Uh-oh! What's up,Gooch?
Gooch: (on computer) Someone sabotaged the bridge over the Jandy River
Captain Man/Ray: The bridge is down?
Gooch: (on computer) Affirmative
Captain Man/Ray: (to Henry) That means yes
Kid Danger/Henry: (to Ray) Yeah, I got that
Captain Man/Ray: Situation?
Gooch: (on computer) Cars in the water. Lives in danger
Captain Man/Ray: Understood
Captain Man/Ray: Phase 2 of The Toddler's plan. Let's ride!
Kid Danger/Henry: But...Ride where?
Captain Man/Ray: We've got people in the Jandy River that need saving. Come on!
Kid Danger/Henry: But...You mean we're going there? Together? Like right now?
Captain Man/Ray: Yeah, get under your tube. Ready?
Kid Danger/Ray: For what?
Captain Man/Ray: Up the tube!
Kid Danger/Henry: W-W-W-Wait. I don't know how to...Whoosh!
Captain Man/Ray: (in the tube) Just tap your belt buckle
Kid Danger/Henry: Ah! (laughs)
Kid Danger/Henry: Up the tube! Ooooohhhh!
Female reporter: (on TV) And we're going to come back to that story so we can take you live to the Jandy Bridge,which mysteriously collapsed a little over an hour ago
Kris: Jake, honey, come look. The Jandy Bridge collapsed
Jake: What? Ah, no, that was my favorite bridge
Man: (on TV) We understand there are several people in cars in the water. People are injured
Jake: What happened?
Kris: They're not sure. They think--
Piper: Mom,Dad,I hate my life,and I'm not okay
Kris: Not now,honey. Daddy's favorite bridge collapsed
Piper: Who cares?
Jake: Your daddy cares
Piper: But every time I try to watch a video on my phone it keeps freezing,because our stupid Wi-Fi signal only gives me one bar
Jake: Then just wait until the video loads before you watch it
Piper: Oh,so we're living like animals now?
Piper: I'll run away. I'll do it
Reporter on TV: Rescue workers were unable to get their equipment down the muddy embankment. Luckily,Captain Man arrived on the scene,leapt into the water,and saved the endangered citizens from drowning
News anchor on TV: And Ron,is it true that for the first time Captain Man wasn't working alone?
Reporter on TV: That's correct. It appears Captain Man has teamed up with a new sidekick,who apparently goes by the name Kid Danger
Kris & Jake: Huh
News anchor on TV: Well,once again Swellview owes a big thanks to Captain Man and,apparently,Kid Danger
Jake: Hey,Henry,did you get the job?
Henry: Yeah,just finished my first day
Kris: So how was work?
Henry: Uh,it was pretty...interesting