SpongeBob:[mowing the lawn with Patrick] Thanks for letting us mow your lawn, Squidward! [SpongeBob and Patrick fall into lawnmower and get cut into pieces offscreen] AHHHH! My patty flipping hand! [SpongeBob and Patrick sob]
Squidward:[Not thinking. laughs to himself and starts the lawnmower] Knock yourselves out!
[SpongeBob and Patrick are riding around Squidward's yard on the lawnmower. The lawnmower breaks through the gate and rides straight toward the a graveyard. SpongeBob and Patrick giggle]
The Flying Dutchman: Excuse me, Davy, I've got my first blind date in 400 years, and I've got to look good. [picks a torn shirt] It's a little torn. Of course this was the shirt I was buried in. Ahhh, memories! [sniffs it] Bleah! [coughs] Okay, that one's a bit ripe. Stained. Too itchy! Hey, there she is! I've been saving this beauty for a special occasion! [puts on coat] Sssss! Looking good! [SpongeBob and Patrick are still riding the lawn mower. The cave ceiling shakes and dirt lands on the Dutchman's clothes. He gets furious] Who dares-- [gets hit by lawnmower] Who-- [gets hit by lawnmower again] --disturb-- [gets hit a second time] --The Flying-- [gets hit a third time] --Dutchman?! [feels his chin, reveals a mirror, and gasps, noticing his beard is gone] ME BEARD! Hey! [gets hit by lawnmower and gets livid. He zaps the lawnmower and takes SpongeBob and Patrick off of it] WHO DARES DISTURB THE FLYING DUTCHMAN?!
SpongeBob: You're not The Flying Dutchman!
Patrick: Yeah, The Flying Dutchman has a beard!
The Flying Dutchman: I don't look like The Flying Dutchman, because... [lividly shouts] YOU MORONS CUT OFF MY BEARD!!!
SpongeBob: Ooh! It makes you look a thousand years younger!
The Flying Dutchman: I don't want to look younger! I HATE youth! I'll probably get pimples again.
Patrick: Your beard will just grow back.
The Flying Dutchman: You know nothing about me facial hair. It'll take a thousand years for my beard to grow back!
SpongeBob: I'm sorry. But, we don't know what it's like to be ghosts.
The Flying Dutchman: Well, now's the time you've learned. Until my beard grows back, I'm going to turn you two fools into ghosts. Prepare to be GHOSTIFIED! [echo]
Patrick: Ghostified? That's not even a real word.
The Flying Dutchman:[zaps SpongeBob and Patrick, but they giggle] Okay, you're having too much fun. [finishes zapping them as they become ghosts].
Patrick:[wiggles his ghostly tail] We're mermaids!
The Flying Dutchman: This isn't really working out the way I imagined.
[Bubble transition to Squidward watering his garden]
SpongeBob and Patrick:[emerging from beneath and behind Squidward. ghostly moaning voice] Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh! Squuiiidwaaarrrd! [Squidward looks behind him]
SpongeBob: It's SpongeBob.
Patrick: And Patrick! We're ghoooooooosts! [with SpongeBob] Ooohhhh!
SpongeBob: We're going to haunt you! FOREVEEEEER! [with Patrick] Oooooohhh—! [Squidward sprays them with his hose. normal voice] Well, that killed the mood. [SpongeBob and Patrick exit the scene]
Squidward: I knew I shouldn't have lent them my lawnmower.
[Bubble transition at night]
SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick. Being a ghost can sure tire ya out!
Patrick: Good night, ghost buddy!
SpongeBob:[gets the key to his door, but it falls through his hand] That's odd. However shall I get in? [leans on door and falls through it] That's handy! [yawns] I am beat! Well, I don't have to take the stairs! [flies straight through the ceiling and into his bedroom, then lies down on his bed] Ah. [but falls through the bed, the floor, and ends up underground. Bubble transition to morning; SpongeBob exits his house with a very sleepy expression. He then goes to Patrick's house].
SpongeBob:[tired] Hey, Patrick. I didn't sleep so good last night.
Patrick: I didn't sleep at all. I can see through my eyelids. [closes his eyes and can see through his eyes; grabs SpongeBob] MY EYELIDS!!
SpongeBob:[gasps] I'm late for work!
Patrick:[whispers] My eyelids...
[Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I'm here!
Harold:[walks by, gets scared of SpongeBob, seeing him as a ghost, and runs out of The Krusty Krab. screams] Ahh! Mermaid!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're late! Why are you bright green, and what happened to your legs?
Squidward: He's a ghost, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: A ghost, eh? Can you still cook Krabby Patties?
SpongeBob: Can do, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Then get your Captain's Quarters in the kitchen!
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, old living employeer! [flies through Mr. Krabs and into the kitchen, leaving Mr. Krabs covered in slime]
Mr. Krabs: Ewww.
SpongeBob:[goes through kitchen door] La la la la! [grabs spatula, but it falls through his hand; picks up spatula, whistles, and breaks it, revealing its spirit; uses it to pick up a Krabby Patty, but it falls through; SpongeBob begins to struggle picking up the patty, but it burns, and disappears; SpongeBob begins to cry] I can't cook Krabby Patties! I don't wanna be a ghost anymore, Patrick!
Patrick: I don't either. I can't even eat anything! Food just goes right through me! [eats a Krabby Patty, but it falls through him]
Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Bleah! / Yuck!
Patrick: Maybe the weird hairless man will change us back?
SpongeBob: Yeah! Let's go see The Flying Dutchman!
[Bubble transition to The Flying Dutchman's cave, where he is rubbing his chin, which is where his beard used to be]
The Flying Dutchman: Well, at least I still have my personality.
SpongeBob and Patrick:[begging. SpongeBob] Change us back! Change us back! We don't like being ghosts! I don't want to be a ghost! [Patrick] Change us back! Change us back! Change us back! We don't like to be a lie again!
SpongeBob: Please, Mr. Dutchman, we can't take it! Constantly moaning and groaning!
Patrick: Invisible to the world!
SpongeBob:[starts to cry] Living without a soul!
Patrick:[crying] IT'S MISERABLE!
SpongeBob:[sobs] HOW COULD ANYONE LIVE LIKE THIS?! [cut to Squidward sipping tea. He looks back. He continues]
The Flying Dutchman: Hmm, I guess you feel my pain. Well, I'll lift the curse from ya. [snaps fingers, but they are still ghosts]
SpongeBob: Hey. We're still ghosts.
The Flying Dutchman: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The curse will wear off when my beard grows back.
SpongeBob: But we want to be normal, now!
The Flying Dutchman: Well, I want to be on my date, now! But, you knuckleheads loused that up, too!
SpongeBob: We're still ghosts, because you can't go on your date?
Patrick: And you can't go on your date because you're ugly?
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob untying the Dutchman's hair and wraps it around his head; Patrick shakes his head; Bubble transition to SpongeBob spreading jelly on the Dutchman's face. Patrick smashes a jellyfish hive and they land on the Dutchman's face; SpongeBob and Patrick shake their heads. Bubble transition; SpongeBob is now on the Flying Dutchman's face]
The Flying Dutchman: Thanks, fellas! I love the new beard. Well, I'm off on my date. Don't wait up. [he and Patrick laugh]
Patrick: I don't get it...
Narrator: Several months later.
[SpongeBob and Patrick are lying around]
SpongeBob: Well, here we are several months later! I wonder how the Flying Dutchman's doing on his date!
The Flying Dutchman: I can't do it. SHE WANTS TO MARRY ME! I ain't the marrying type. [The Flying Dutchman's date appears] AAAHHHH! [runs away]