[The episode starts off with Gumball and Carmen having lunch together in the school cafeteria. Gumball is chewing noisily while staring down at his cellphone]
Carmen: So, how are you doing today?
[Gumball replies to Carmen by texting her]
Carmen: [Checks phone] "Good, thanks." [Scoffs] Uh! Gumball, you need to make eye contact with people. It's how you show them you care about what they have to say.
Gumball: [Annoyed] Ugh! Fine.
Carmen: Thank you.
[Leaning over the table, Gumball sticks his cellphone onto Carmen's forehead and watches a video of someone riding a miniature horse]
[She responds by messaging him with a Carmen-esque frown emoji]
Gumball: [Increasingly annoyed] Ugh, what?
Carmen: [Placing Gumball's phone on the table] What are you eating, anyway?
Gumball: [Scoffs] Pff. I dunno, food?
[His tray is shown to be laden with a variety of greasy, fried foods]
Carmen: That really doesn't look like a very balanced diet. What about your greens?
Gumball: All the animals on this plate were vegetarian.
Carmen: You really shouldn't be eating that. Too much greasy food is very bad for your digestive system.
Gumball: [Passively empties tray into nearby trash can] There.
Carmen: That was really wasteful.
Gumball: [Growls angrily] Fine! [Eats from the garbage] Happy now?!
Carmen: No! Now it's been in the trash. It's way worse for you than it was in the first place!
Gumball: [Livid] What do you want from me?!
Carmen: [Wipes bits of food from her face] Please don't talk with your mouth full. You increase the risk of choking by seventy-five percent.
Gumball: Stop telling me what to d--
[Gumball gags and begins to choke. His face turning purple, he punches himself in the chest several times before passing out and falling backward. Upon hitting the floor, he burps up a chicken leg. The school bell rings, and Gumball is at his desk writing on a sheet of paper. Carmen walks up and stands beside him]
Carmen: Careful how you hold your pen. That's how you get cramp.
[Scowling, Gumball props his elbow on the desktop and tries to raise his middle finger. His hand cramps up severely, causing him to gasp in pain and fall from the seat]
[At the playground, Gumball has just finished drawing a large elephant on the school's exterior. The animal's rear end is centered around a door with a small window, through which Miss Simian is looking. Gumball laughs goofily at his handiwork, and Carmen approaches him from behind]
Carmen: Miss Simian's just trying to do her job. Teachers have feelings too, you know?
Gumball: [Scoffs] Simian doesn't have feelings.
Miss Simian: [Opens the door] Now that's not true. I have bitterness, I have fury, and my personal favorite... schadenfreude.
Gumball: [Nervously] Schadenfreude? What's that?
Miss Simian: The pleasure I'll get from watching you clean the wall, with this. [Holds out a cotton swab]
[In the library, Gumball is sitting by the computers with his brother Darwin]
Gumball: I'm tellin' ya, dude. Carmen's more smug than Anais when she does her wiener-dog face.
Darwin: Her what now?
Gumball: You know, when she uses a clever word and her face is all like, "Mm-hmm."
[Darwin starts laughing at Gumball's dog-like facial expression]
Carmen: Shh! This is a library. People are trying to work. If you work in silence, your success will make the noise.
Gumball: [Irate; whispering] What? You're making noise by telling me off!
Carmen: The only time you're allowed to make noise in the library is when you tell someone else not to make noise in the library. So I will permit what you just said, but nothing else.
[Gumball leans back in frustration]
Carmen: By the way, you shouldn't slouch in your chair. It's stunting your growth. [Walks away]
Gumball: [Stammers; hops from the chair] See what I mean?!
Darwin: I think she's got a point.
[Darwin pulls up on his brother's head, stretching out his body. When he lets go, Gumball returns to normal]
Darwin: Anyways, she's just tryin' to help you be a better person.
Gumball: Exactly, she's raising the bar! Which is totally unfair for someone like me, who liked the bar exactly where it was.
Darwin: It's only constructive criticism.
Gumball: She wouldn't go around body-shaming people, or mocking people for being old. So why is it okay to go after me because I'm wrong?! She's wrong-shaming me!
Darwin: [Objecting] Uh, uh... [Thinks to himself] Actually, it totally sounds like a legit cause when you add the word "shaming" at the end.
Gumball: [Scheming] I'm gonna give her a taste of her own medicine. Three smug-jections per day, two doses of patron-icillin, and one courtesy colonic.
[Later, Marvin Finklehimer is waiting at a bus stop. He boards the crowded bus when it arrives, and slowly makes his way down the aisle]
Carmen: [Notices Marvin] Oh, uh, please sir, you can have my seat.
Gumball: [Off-screen] Aha!
[Gumball squeezes through the emergency roof hatch and drops between them. He points a finger accusingly at Carmen]
Gumball: [Mockingly] Don't you think it's pretty ageist to offer Marvin your seat? Surely the fact he's so old means he's had way more experience standing up than everyone else.
Marvin: I got steel plates in my legs.
Gumball: See? He's got legs of steel. [Slaps Marvin's back]
Marvin: [Stumbles forward] Aah! Aah! Aah!
Carmen: [Watching with concern] I'm not sure that's what he meant.
Gumball: [Smugly] Oh, so what gives you the right to decide-- [Carmen points at Marvin as Gumball sees him stumbling] Oh.
Marvin: Aah! Aah! Ohh!
[Marvin crashes into the rear window, shattering it as his dentures pop out and land on the street. The scene transitions to Carmen in the school science lab. She is using a Bunsen burner to heat a flask of chemicals]
Carmen: [Reading from textbook] Okay, so heating the copper should oxidize the--
Gumball: [Interrupting] You know what your problem is, Carmen? You're not even doing an experiment. You're just following orders. Where's the innovation? How can we be expected to discover new elements, if you're so concerned with "playing by the rules?"
Carmen: Uhh, I'm pretty sure there are no more elements left to be discovered, Gumball.
Gumball: [Chuckles] You're forgetting the element of surprise.
[Gumball's flask boils rapidly, the color of its contents changing from pink to orange. Noxious fumes billow from its opening and fill the lab]
Carmen: Wait, what did you put in your beaker?
Gumball: A dash of the unexpected, a drop of the unforeseen, and a pinch of the unpredictable.
Carmen: [Voice distorted] Gumball! I take back everything I said. You're a genius!
[Carmen is shown to have transformed into a horrific, monstrous creature comprised of multiple faces and dozens of eyes. She emits a prolonged, unnatural screech]
Gumball: You're right, my disgusting friend. This warrants a celebratory boogie. [Climbs on the countertop; dances while singing] Do, do-do, dooga-dooga-dooga, do, do-do.
[In reality, the smoke alarm has been set off, and Carmen is covering her face with a cloth. Two hazmat workers, armed with a leash pole and a sack, cautiously approach Gumball, who is doing a handstand while burping rhythmically]
War of Words
[Back at the Wattersons' house, Anais opens the door to her and her brothers' bedroom and is startled by what she sees. Gumball, unconscious, is sitting on a chair with numerous cables connecting his mouth and ears to the computer. Darwin is using said computer to access the internet]
Anais: Uhh, what's going on here?
Darwin: Uh, he asked me to plug him into Ramblr.
Anais: Ramblr? What is that, a website?
Darwin: It's more like a bare-knuckle fight to see who's the most tolerant person on the internet.
Anais: Why? Isn't tolerance about being philanthropic? Hm-hmm.
[Darwin laughs loudly at Anais' smug dog face]
Darwin: [Wipes away a tear] Just thinking about wiener-dogs. But yeah, no, tolerance on the internet these days is more about destroying people in an argument.
[Gumball gasps and wakes up as the cables come unplugged from his upper lip]
Gumball: I know tongue-fu.
Anais: Show me.
[His tongue protrudes from his mouth and smacks Anais with its hand-like tip, knocking her down. Returning to school, Gumball meets up with Carmen in the cafeteria. He sits beside her at a table and prepares to eat his sandwich]
Carmen: Have you ever tried whole-grain bread? It's far better for you.
Gumball: Not everyone can afford organic stores, Carmen. Maybe you should check your privilege!
[A shock wave emanates from Gumball, sending nearby students and their lunch trays to the floor]
Carmen: [Gasps; nervous] I just meant that eating too much processed food is a big factor in weight gain, and--
Gumball: [Rebuking] And what? Big people shouldn't be proud of who they are? [Creates another shock wave]
Carmen: [Panicking] Uh, no! Of course not! I mean, ask your doctor and he will tell you--
Gumball: "He?" Why would you assume the doctor is a he? Is it because you assume a woman can't be a doctor?!
[Carmen cries out as a third wave launches her into the support column. She picks herself up, now dirty and bruised]
Carmen: [Shakily] What is this?
Gumball: [Unyielding] I have studied the martial ways of the social justice warrior. Fight me in an argument, if you dare. [Summons a brightly shining sword] Perish under the sword of my self-righteousness.
Carmen: But Gumball, exploiting those powers to win some petty argument will just hurt the cause of the people who really need our help.
Gumball: [His sword suddenly disappears] Wait, no! My powers!
Carmen: [Magnanimous] Instead of fighting, why don't we just hug it out?
Gumball: [Fearful] Wait! Stop! What are you doing?!
Carmen: I forgive you.
[A blinding light envelopes her body]
Gumball: [Shielding himself] NOO! The shame I've cast... it's all coming back at me! AAAH!
[Screaming, Gumball is blasted through the wall by an invisible force. He ends up in the playground, lying injured amid the rubble]
Gumball: [Weakly] And I can't even be angry about it.
[CCTV footage from a security camera in Principal Brown's office is displayed on his computer screen. In the video, Gumball and Darwin are shown breaking in via the ceiling ventilation shaft. After some difficulties involving Gumball's pants getting snagged on the vent, and a painful wedgie, he frees himself with Darwin's assistance by removing said garment. Together, they topple to the floor, and Gumball gets up with a serious, anime-style expression]
[Rushing to the computer, Gumball closes the video recording and begins searching through the desktop folders]
Darwin: [Joins his brother; troubled] Why are you even doing this?
Gumball: [Spiteful] I owe it to our classmates to expose Carmen as the hypocrite she is, and humiliate her in front of everyone at school. Then we'll see who's the best person.
Darwin: Okay, first, you're the only person who's exposed right now.
Gumball: [Looks at his underwear] Oh yeah, sorry. [Pulls his pants up]
Darwin: I meant exposed as the bad person in this scenario. And secondly, you're wasting your time. You won't find any dirt on her.
Gumball: I thought you came here to help me.
Darwin: Yeah, to help you realize you're wrong. You need to stop hearing only what you want to hear.
Gumball: You're right, victory is near. [Clicks the mouse; gasps] No way!
[Carmen's school report from Franklin Junior High is seen on the monitor]
Gumball: Carmen used to lead quite the thug life. [Scrolling down] Look at this, truancy, fights, cheating! [Finds a photo of a humanoid chalk outline; gasps] Oh no...
Darwin: Graffiti, dude. It's on the wall. The police don't go around drawing toot bubbles on a crime scene.
Gumball: No wait, look-look-look! [Opens a video file] This is the video of her getting expelled from her previous school. [Plays the news report]
Mike: Police forcibly removed a local girl who'd been expelled from Franklin Junior High this morning.
Franklin Principal: Ah, she was horrible. She kept disrespecting me, making fun of my face, saying things like, "Hey, Blurry McBlurrerson, if you were a movie you would be a pirate screener." [Gasps] Here she comes!
[Carmen is dragged kicking and screaming to a police car by Doughnut Sheriff and Hamburger Cop. The brothers watch, dumbfounded, and Gumball begins to type on the keyboard]
Darwin: What are you doing?!
Gumball: I'm gonna upload this and message everyone we know to watch it.
Darwin: What?! No! [Fights with Gumball for the mouse]
[Their fight escalates, breaking the windows on the desktop]
Gumball: [Grunts] But why?!
[They keep struggling, resulting in some of the folders being mixed up]
Darwin: Because it's evil, and she turned her life around! She's only trying to help you be a better person! And so what if she's a little smug about it?!
Gumball: Just continue fighting while I come up with a valid argument!
[He pushes Darwin in front of the computer tower and clicks the eject button for the DVD drive. The tray slowly opens and touches Darwin's cheek, causing him to fly back against the wall and briefly lose consciousness. Now uncontested, Gumball prepares to put the video on Elmore Stream-It but hesitates before completing the upload]
Gumball: [Groans] Dagnabbit! You're right, she doesn't deserve this.
Darwin: [Patting Gumball's head] There you go. Now you're being the better man. Come on, let's get outta here.
[Darwin places his fins on the desk and accidentally clicks the mouse, uploading the video by mistake. Realizing the blunder, his face goes blank, though he is revealed to be horrified internally]
[Gumball and Darwin race along the sidewalk at an incredible speed, knocking over Felicity Parham and her son Billy]
Darwin: [Shouting] How many people did you send that video to?!
Gumball: [Shouting] What do you mean I sent it?!
Darwin: Well, there's always more than one person to blame. Like, if there was a car accident, who's fault is it? The guy who ran the red light, or the Mesopotamian dude who invented the wheel?
Gumball: Whatever! We sent it to everyone we know! We gotta stop them from watching it!
[Up ahead, Teri uses a pencil to add a pocket to her outfit. From it, she pulls out a vibrating cellphone which is also made of paper. Gumball rushes up, knocks the phone from her hand, then runs away. The phone gently floats to the ground and cracks, eliciting a dismayed sigh from Teri. At a Joyful Burger restaurant, Darwin intercepts Penny before she can check her cellphone, grabbing it from her and smashing it]
Darwin: [Kisses Penny's cheek] That was from Gumball.
[Gumball finds Carrie at the Elmore Mall. He hits her phone away and it vanishes into the floor]
Gumball: [Kisses Carrie's cheek] That was from Darwin.
[The brothers meet up outside, still in a mad dash]
Darwin: [Slaps Gumball] That was from Penny.
Gumball: [Slaps Darwin] That was from Carrie.
[Darwin climbs Hector's leg at the school playground. The giant's phone falls and crushes a bench. Elsewhere, Gumball takes Idaho's cellphone and throws it on the sidewalk but it does not break]
Gumball: What the? [Hits it repeatedly against a fire hydrant]
[A horn honks, and Gumball tosses the phone in the path of an oncoming semi-truck. Upon impact, the vehicle flips onto its roof with a loud crash, but the phone remains unharmed]
Gumball: [Baffled] What sorta phone is that? Can you even watch videos on it?
Idaho: What's a phone? I use this here thingamajig to smarten out folks with flare pants and colorful knit wear. My papa says their activity's gonna bring 'bout the apocalypse.
[Gumball opens a manhole next to them, drops the phone inside, and closes the lid. He sprints away as Idaho sighs. Meanwhile, Bobert is in Elmore Park feeding the squirrels. An e-mail icon appears on his screen display, but a sudden spray of water causes his system to crash. Darwin lowers a squirt gun as tears form in his eyes. Now at the junkyard, Gumball gasps at the sight of Tina pulling out and dropping her cellphone. His gasp continues until he realizes that she is unable to reach it]
Gumball: [Shrugs] Nah, never mind. [Leaves the junkyard]
[Tobias is walking in Elmore Mall when his phone vibrates]
Quiri: You have mail.
Tobias: Hey Quiri, read my e-mail.
Darwin: [Pops up behind him] Hey Quiri, divide zero by zero. [Disappears]
Quiri: Dividing by zero.
[A wormhole opens next to Tobias, sucking him in before closing. The scene switches to Gumball again, who is hiding outside in a bush. When Banana Joe walks by with his cellphone, Gumball stretches his arm out and activates airplane mode. Banana Joe tries to hold on, but the phone flies from his hands and becomes airborne. Numerous other phones follow suit, and they take to the sky. Finally, Gumball and Darwin catch up with Carmen, but they are a moment too late]
Carmen: [Checks her phone; gasps] What the?
Gumball: Aw, dagnabbit! She was the last one!
Darwin: No she wasn't. What about Alan?
[Gumball points behind them. A large explosion is seen in the distance, shocking Darwin]
Gumball: What? It seemed neater. [Apologetically] Hey, Carmen. I'm... so sorry. No one should ever have seen that video.
Carmen: Well, I've seen the video, Gumball.
Gumball: Oh, really?
Carmen: Yes, and I'm glad it's out there.
Gumball: [Surprised] Wow, th-- But, okay. Wow, I-- Thank you for not being angry, I guess.
Carmen: Oh, I used to be angry. Back when I was at Franklin Junior High. But I worked hard to improve myself. I hope you get there too, one day.
Gumball: Aww, that's... Wait, what?
Carmen: [Slyly] And just one more word of advice, [Shows the phone to Gumball and Darwin] if you're gonna upload yourself to the internet, maybe wear some pants.
[Their jaws drop upon seeing that the video they posted was not of Carmen, but rather the CCTV recording of their botched break-in]