Bert: (to Sheldon and Amy) Other than you two only having sex once a year...(Amy almost spits her drink out)'re the perfect couple.
Amy: (to Bert) You know about that?
Bert: Everyone at the university knows.

Amy: [after Sheldon invites Bert to join them for dinner] Sheldon, that was so sweet of you.
Sheldon: I could deduce by his facial expression and body language that he was sad.
Amy: So the part where he got stood up didn't clue you in?
Sheldon: You want me to look at him and listen to him?

[first lines]

Leonard: Go! [Raj takes a deep breath and holds it]
Howard: Come on, Raj.
Leonard: You can do this.
Sheldon: There's no way.
Penny: What is happening?
Leonard: This is an Euler's disc. It's a physics toy that demonstrates angular momentum, potential energy and kinetic energy.
Penny: Aw, look at you watching sports.
Howard: disc can spin.
Sheldon: Its weight and smoothness along with the slight concavity of the mirror mean it can spin for a long time.
Leonard: But Raj is from India which means he's no slouch at holding his breath.
Penny: OK, I want in. Ten bucks says I'll lose interest before that thing stops spinning.
Amy: [Amy enters] Hey, Sheldon, I found a great restaurant for date night.
Sheldon: Oh, eh, kinda busy right now.
Amy: Oh, an Euler's disc; fun.
Howard: Yeah, we're seeing if Raj can hold his breath longer than it.
Amy: Oh, immature.

Raj: And before you start, I am not interested in you arranging a marriage for me.
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, I gave up on that a *long* time ago.
Raj: You did?
Dr. Koothrappali: It's too much work. You're an adult who can't get by without an allowance from his parents. Women don't want that.
Raj: Wha- what are you saying? That you- you're giving up on me? What kind of father gives up on his son?
Dr. Koothrappali: I have six children, five of whom are married and self-sufficient. I don't think I'm the problem.
Raj: I can't believe what I'm hearing; this is deeply hurtful.
Dr. Koothrappali: You're also too sensitive; women don't want that either.

Bernadette: When you moved here you didn't have a lot of money; how'd you get by?
Penny: Well, sometimes you can get free food and wifi from the neighbors... Just know you might have to marry one of them

[last lines]

[Sheldon has been haranguing the cafeteria]

Leonard: What brought that on?
Sheldon: Well, last night Amy was angry with me because I've been foolishly telling people about certain personal matters.
Howard: That's understandable.
Sheldon: Mmh, I know that now. At first, I thought she was cranky because of her horrific menstrual cramps, but... it turns out no, she was genuinely mortified.

Raj: [walks in with a Gucci bag] Hello!
Penny: Looks like someone went shopping at Gucci.
Raj: Yeah, I saw something for Halley, and I just couldn't resist.
Bernadette: Aw, that's so sweet of you.
Raj: Yeah, it's a crushed velvet baby cape.
Howard: Oh, no. Now we have two.
Penny: That must have been expensive.
Raj: Yeah, it was, but it's my father's money and I'm mad at him.
Leonard: What happened beteween you and your dad?
Penny: And if you really want to hurt him, I look great in Channel.

Amy: The food here's supposed to be great. Don't fill up on chips.
Sheldon: Oh I won't. I have a trick. I only eat equilateral triangles. Isosceles, isosceles, scalene... [tears a corner off one chip and eats it]
Sheldon: You didn't see that.

Sheldon: Why aren't you talking to me?
Amy: Because I'm mad at you.
Sheldon: Oh. Now I'm sorry I asked.

Amy: Oh, look. It's Bert at the bar. We should say hi.
Sheldon: Why?
Amy: Because that's what you do when you see someone you know in a public place.
Sheldon: I have multiple restraining orders that say otherwise.
Amy: Sheldon, there's a difference between greeting a friend and following a celebrity to the bathroom.
Sheldon: The judge couldn't explain it to me, I don't see how you will.