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  • [The episode begins at the Krusty Krab. Squidward is admiring himself in his mirror and the phone rings.]
  • Squidward: Will someone please answer this phone? I'm busy.
  • SpongeBob: [comes out of the freeze partially frozen in ice] I'll get it, Squidward.
  • [SpongeBob skates over to the register boat, but trips over Squidward and skids across the floor. SpongeBob tries to get the phone, but misses.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, almost. Oh, oh, oh, oh! [goes for the phone, but misses again] Ah, not that time. Whoa! Whoa! [flips over and hits Squidward's head, shoving his face into the phone]
  • Squidward: [talks through receiver] Krusty Krab. I'm sorry, we don't deliver to that neighborhood.
  • Mr. Krabs: [slides out from under the register boat and screams] Who don't deliver to what neighborhood?! [grabs the phone from Squidward's face]
  • Squidward: We don't deliver to RandomLand!
  • Mr. Krabs: And why not?
  • Squidward: Because I heard the place is crazy and no delivery fish has ever returned.
  • Mr. Krabs: [pulls out a chalkboard] Squidward, just because it's a preposterous neighborhood where the laws of nature change randomly and the people are all cuckoo... [flips the board over; SpongeBob skates off the board] Don't mean the Krusty Krab won't attempt to take their money. [listens to the phone call] Mm-hmm. 20 minutes. [hangs up the phone on Squidward's head]
  • Squidward: [removes phone off his head] Well, I'm not cuckoo enough to go to RandomLand.
  • [SpongeBob skates on one of the restaurant beams, making snowflakes with his ice blocks.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Someone is cuckoo enough to go.
  • SpongeBob: [lands on the floor] So what are you two yentas gabbing about?
  • Squidward: [flicks SpongeBob off the register] Flick! [laughs at SpongeBob before a pile of snow falls on him]
  • [The scene changes to Squidward and SpongeBob preparing to make a delivery to RandomLand. Mr. Krabs puts the delivery in SpongeBob's backpack.]
  • SpongeBob: The delivery will be made, and the mission will be accomplished, sir! Um...how do I get to RandomLand?
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, that's the thing, boy-o. No one really knows. You just walk around...randomly.
  • SpongeBob: Well, that's how I usually get around. [walks around randomly and makes a Mr. Krabs face] Ar, ar, ar, ar, ar, ar! [hops up and down] Zoink! How's that?
  • [Squidward pushes the button on the cash register and pushes SpongeBob out through the doors.]
  • Squidward: [laughs] That idiot's getting lost for sure.
  • Mr. Krabs: You're probably right. You better go with him.
  • Squidward: Well, of course, that makes sense...what?! [babbles uncontrollably before being pushed out by Mr. Krabs]
  • [Mr. Krabs laughs heartily. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Squidward walking down the street to find RandomLand. SpongeBob is randomly walking around, which deeply annoys Squidward.]
  • SpongeBob: [giggles as he walks randomly] ♪Random walking♪ [walks around Squidward] ♪Random walking, random walking♪ [slithers on a fence and climbs on a flower cloud in the sky before coming back down in a grass skirt] Hey, Squidward, I don't think this...♪Walking random thing is working♪ [suddenly disappears]
  • Squidward: SpongeBob? [waves his arms around, smiles maliciously and pretends to be sad] Oh, no! SpongeBob has disappeared. What ever will I do? [flips and dances happily in a grass skirt; laughs while dancing] ♪SpongeBob gone hallelujah! SpongeBob gone, I don't give a tuna!♪ [his luck runs out when he too suddenly disappears and reappears disfigured in another dimension] Hummuna-what?! [floats onto a blob creature, gets flicked off and slides down while screaming]
  • SpongeBob: [off-screen] Beep, beep!
  • Squidward: Of course.
  • SpongeBob: [appears behind Squidward] Beep, beep! Beep, beep, beep!
  • Squidward: Go around!
  • SpongeBob: [goes around Squidward] The fun never ends with us, huh, Squidward?
  • [Squidward is covered in a cloud of dust. He looks up and sees something up ahead. He screams as he and SpongeBob slide through several long pipes and land into a fountain. They both come out and are completely disfigured.]
  • Squidward: Good Neptune! You're hideous.
  • SpongeBob: You too. [Squidward looks at himself and screams] But somehow you still retain your allure. [giggles]
  • [SpongeBob and Squidward shake themselves back to normal. They look around and see that the strange dimension they landed in is in fact RandomLand.]
  • Squidward: Well, here we are in RandomLand. Sure is for that. [pauses] Sure is for that? The neighborhood must be affecting my speech. Come on, let's put our grind to the nose stone. [leaves]
  • SpongeBob: Aw, Squidward, can't we take a minute to smell and stop the roses? [laughs] Smell and stop the roses! I meant stop and smell the— [laughs as he catches up to Squidward]
  • [SpongeBob and Squidward walk around to find their destination. As they walk, SpongeBob sees strange but odd characters floating around, doing random stuff. SpongeBob is fascinated by the place, but didn't have time to stop and wonder around. He rushes up to Squidward. Squidward is looking at the paper trying to find the address of the delivery. But he stops at a random house.]
  • Squidward: Now where are we?
  • SpongeBob: [shows up] There's an exit. [points to the exit, but appears to be very small] Come on! [goes through the exit]
  • [Squidward tries to go through the exit, but he crashes into the wall. SpongeBob pulls Squidward through the small door. A strange creature shaped in the letter O feels his stomach growl and spits out an egg. The egg hatches, revealing SpongeBob and Squidward inside. Squidward notices something and elbows SpongeBob.]
  • SpongeBob: What is it?
  • [Squidward points to the direction where various delivery people are lost and trying to deliver things to people. Two delivery men bump into one another and morph into one being.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, it's those lost delivery boys! Let's go and—
  • Funny lady: I'll take that bag.
  • Squidward: One delivery's as good as another. [takes the bag and goes to give it to the strange lady creature]
  • SpongeBob: [grabs the bag and puts it in his backpack] This delivery is property of the Krusty Krab until it is in the hands of the person who ordered it! But, ma'am, you can place an order any time. [holds up a phone]
  • [The lady creature puts some salt on the phone and eats it. After eating it, she goes whacky.]
  • Phone: We're sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed.
  • [The lady creature spits some phone debris in Squidward's face and flies off.]
  • Squidward: [groans] Hand me the address. [SpongeBob gives him the paper containing the address] "86 Screwball Street." [the words on the paper form into a hole and burn through the paper] There's a hole in it.
  • SpongeBob: Ooh. [grabs the hole and puts it on himself, making it one of his sponge holes] I'm a collector.
  • Squidward: [sighs] No taste for accounting. Why don't we just arbitrarily knock on doors?!
  • SpongeBob: Hey, now you're thinking random! Yeah! [spins his face and points to a different direction] There! Screwball Street. [knocks on a clownface house] Knock, knock.
  • [The clownface's mouth opens, revealing a giant teacup. A strange creature with two heads come out.]
  • Squidward: Excuse me, ma'am, did you order a Krabby Patty?
  • Bathing lady: Can I dunk it in cocoa like my marshmallows? [holds up her foot with marshmallows in her toes]
  • SpongeBob and Squidward: Huh? [look at each other]
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, may I? [eats one of the marshmallows, but it didn't taste great even though he swallows it; Squidward is grossed out by it] Tough marshmallows. Could be more marshy. [his teeth crumble as he laughs]
  • Squidward: [holds up a brush and pan] Here, brush your tooth.
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Squidward resuming their walking. A floating creature nearly hits SpongeBob and knocks him backwards. They look up and see a house upside-down.]
  • Squidward: This whole place is inside out, so why not an upside-down house?
  • [The doorbell rings and the door opens. SpongeBob propels himself up to the upside-down house's door. SpongeBob enters the house and Squidward looks at the "For Sale" sign.]
  • Squidward: "For sale."
  • [The sign morphs into a female version of Squidward.]
  • Female Squidward: Hello, handsome.
  • Squidward: Oh. [laughs as he blushes] Well, would I like you to get me to like you knowing you would get me better to know...[pauses for a bit] you?
  • SpongeBob: [wonders around in the upside-down house] Hello, anyone home? Maybe I should say that upside-down. Ooh, I know! [flips and sits in a chair upside-down] Hello, anyone home? [sees a cake next to him] Ooh, upside-down cake! [tries to eat it but it falls due to it being upside-down] Oops.
  • Realtor: I see you've got an eye for home design, son. You are gonna love this house. There's no downside. [flips the house over] You get it, no downside? Ha, ha!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, I'm not looking to buy. I'm just delivering for the Krabby Krust.
  • [The strange lady creature appears and snatches the bag.]
  • Funny lady: This bag is mine! [laughs as she flies away]
  • [SpongeBob chases after the strange lady creature and falls out of the upside-down house. SpongeBob breaks through the paper Squidward is holding.]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, the bag has been snatched!
  • Squidward: [throws paper away] Well, that's that. Let's go home.
  • SpongeBob: No way, Squidward! That Patty Krabby belongs to the order who person'd it! Huh? Come back here! [chases after the strange lady creature]
  • Squidward: [a worm poses as an eyebrow as Squidward gets angry] I hate my life. [flicks the worm off and catches up to SpongeBob]
  • [SpongeBob and Squidward chase the strange lady creature through random happenings. First, they chase her without arms and legs. Then they chase her with different body parts on each other. Then they chase her on a man's head, shaving his hair off with a razor. Finally, they chase her in the air in whole chickens.]
  • Funny lady: Are you two done?
  • SpongeBob and Squidward: [checks their thermometers] Not yet!
  • [They descend downwards. The strange lady creature rips herself out of the whole chicken before SpongeBob and Squidward arrive.]
  • SpongeBob: [attempt to walk, but fall over] Ah, these drumsticks are harder to walk on than high heels.
  • Squidward: Well, it's all about balance. [ironically appears to be wearing high heels]
  • [SpongeBob and Squidward remove themselves from their whole chickens.]
  • SpongeBob: [clears throat] I order you to return that delivery to the Krusty Krab!
  • Funny lady: [gives the bag back to SpongeBob] Where are your manners? Haven't you heard of knocking?
  • [Puzzle pieces arrive and form into a door in front of the strange lady creature.]
  • Squidward: Go ahead, knock.
  • [SpongeBob knocks on the door.]
  • Funny lady: [opens door and takes the bag] Just what I wanted: a new bag. [takes the Krabby Patty out of the bag and puts the bag on her head before disappearing]
  • Squidward: Let's go home.
  • SpongeBob: But...what about the patty?
  • [Suddenly, various doors appear. Squidward opens one door and sees a mentally disfigured SpongeBob, Squidward and Patrick. He opens another door and sees a very ugly version of Squidward. He opens another door and sees what appears to be his room from his house. But it turns fuzzy and reveals a very spooky version of Squidward with terrifying-looking eyes. In the US cut version, there is a baby version of Squidward.]
  • Squidward: Oh, this place is a nightmare! No one's ever returned! [sobs] We're doomed to live in this insane asylum!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, boy! That means we can stay and deliver the patty.
  • Squidward: We made the delivery. [tightens SpongeBob's neck with his tie] Mission accomplished!
  • SpongeBob: But—but Mr. Krabs…
  • Squidward: If the foot were on the other shoe, Krabs would do the same.
  • SpongeBob: No, Squidward, Mr. Krabs! He's right there.
  • Squidward: [sees someone who looks almost like Mr. Krabs and gasps] He's probably looking for us. [drops SpongeBob] Mr. Krabs! [runs through the door and goes after the Mr. Krabs look-alike]
  • SpongeBob: [follows Squidward] But we haven't made our delivery! Mr. Krabs! Yeow! [gets sucked into a nose and gets blown out by another]
  • [SpongeBob and Squidward chase after the Mr. Krabs look-alike through random happenings. They chase him on the back of dinosaurs with human heads. Then they chase him through a black and white dimension. SpongeBob drops the patty, but picks it up. They continue to chase the Mr. Krabs look-alike until they finally manage to make it back to their normal dimension.]
  • SpongeBob and Squidward: [see the Krusty Krab] Huh?
  • SpongeBob: It's the Krusty Krab! [he and Squidward enter the restaurant] Hey, Mr. Krabs, thanks for showing us the way out of RandomLand.
  • [The Mr. Krabs look-alike turns around and reveals himself that he is not Mr. Krabs, but an individual from RandomLand.]
  • Rodger: Excuse me, I'm not Krabs. The name is Rodger and I walked all the way from 86 Screwball Street to complain about never getting my delivery.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, your delivery, my good man. [Rodger eats the patty with his eyestalk-like hat and smiles] Mission accomplished. Better late than never.
  • Mr. Krabs: [sobs] Better never! If it's late, [pulls down the menu and points to the delivery notice] it's free! [sobs uncontrollably, pushes the register button and gets pushed into the kitchen]
  • [The strange lady creature takes the Krusty Krab bag, blows in it, and pops it, turning the screen white. The worm crawls around as the screen turns black. It forms a second head on its tail and it smiles with the word, "End," appearing in its teeth, ending the episode.]
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