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This article contains plot details about a movie or episode that has just been released or will soon be released.
[Intro logos. As Junkie XL's score picks up, we see golden rings hovering over a lake, before grouping around the Paramount mountain, accompanied by the well-known ring sound effects. The music becomes more synthesized as we zoom out of a screen showing the original 1991 Sonic the Hedgehog, revealing screens of several other games around it. Golden Axe, Altered Beast, and so on. Eventually, we see that the game screens have been condensed into the combined shape of the SEGA logo, which turns blue and is underscored with the traditional "SEGA" chant. One more logo, that of Original Film (albeit blue on a red background), is shown before the movie starts. We're shown San Francisco at broad daylight. A streak of blue light flies over a nearby skyscraper, followed by a futuristic flying machine leaving behind a red streak, firing lasers and causing explosions. We zoom in, revealing the blue streak to be Sonic. A man inside the machine, Dr. Robotnik, grunts and leans back and forth to steer his flying contraption. Eventually, the footage freezes, complete with a vinyl screech]
Sonic (vo): So, I know what you're thinking... (as the footage starts back up) "Why is that incredibly handsome hedgehog being chased by a madman with a mustache from the Civil War?"
[The chase continues]
Sonic (vo): Well, to be honest, it feels like I've been running my whole life. Is this too much? Am I going too fast? It's kind of what I do. You know what? Let's back up.
[Sonic imitates the sound of a video being played back while the footage is rewinded, eventually cutting to black. As Hyper Potions' Friends starts to play, a beautiful island emerges out of a line of clouds, a photo-realistic version of Green Hill Zone from the first Sonic game. Sonic gives a narration as we zoom in. That same blue streak of light races over the island as an opening credit card reads "Paramount Pictures Presents"]
Sonic (vo): This is the island where I'm from. It had everything: sandy beaches, cascading waterfalls…
[The streak flies through a gigantic loop-de-loop, as another card reads "In Association With Sega Sammy Group"]
Sonic (vo): Public access to loop-de-loops.
[We hear the streak cheering in excitement as it races over a ramp, before landing at the tail end of another ramp, as another card reads "An Original Film Production"]
Sonic (vo): And I never had to catch a school bus, because I could run across the entire island in less than two seconds.
[We see that the streak (big shock) is a young Sonic, looking rather reminiscent of his classic video game self. The younger Sonic keeps on running, and even curls up into a ball, while the older Sonic continues his story]
Sonic (vo): Also, there was no school. I know, pretty sweet island, right?
Baby Sonic: (flying high in the sky) Yeah!
[The speedster continues his journey. Jumping everywhere, running over bridges, as another card reads "A Marza Animation Planet/Blur Studio Production"]
Sonic (vo): I was born with extraordinary powers and was told to keep them secret. And like any kid, I did the exact opposite.
[Sonic then reaches a small cottage. Sonic rolls inside and bumps into his sleeping caretaker, Longclaw the Owl. She wakes up, Sonic laughs, lying on the floor]
Sonic (vo): That's Longclaw. She took care of me. She was basically Obi-Wan Kenobi… if Obi-Wan Kenobi had a beak and ate mice.
Longclaw: (concerned) Sonic! Someone could have seen you.
Baby Sonic: (not worried) No one saw me. (running in place) I'm too fast. And… (holds out a sunflower) I wanted to bring you this.
Longclaw: (endeared) Ah...
[But then she looks up in horror. Several masked echidnas, one of them seeming to be Knuckles, have surrounded the house, arching bows]
Longclaw: (grabbing Sonic) Get down!
[She closes the door, just as several arrows fly into it. One flies through the window, straight through the flower Sonic had been holding. Outside, the tribe comes closer]
Sonic (vo): Turns out with great power comes great power-hungry bad guys. And I led them right to us.
[They appear through the broken windows, holding nets. Longclaw flies straight through one of the windows, holding Sonic in her claws. The echidna continue to fire, eventually hitting the owl in her flank. Longclaw grunts and falls on the ground. She gets up and puts Sonic back on his feet]
Longclaw: Listen carefully, Sonic. You have a power unlike anything I have ever seen, and that means someone will always want it. The only way to stay safe is to stay hidden.
[Longclaw grabs a golden ring out of a pouch she's carrying. The owl throws it away. The ring widens, it becomes a portal to a dark, different world]
Longclaw: This world is on the far side of the universe. You should be safe there.
Baby Sonic: I don't wanna go without you.
Longclaw: You must. (hands over the pouch) These rings will be your most important possession.
[She looks up and gasps. The Echidna Tribe has found them and chases towards Sonic]
Longclaw: If you're ever discovered, use one. (pushing Sonic to the portal) Never stop running. Now, go!
[The small hedgehog sprints through the portal. At a distance, he sees Longclaw, spreading her wings to protect the entrance]
Baby Sonic: (scared, running back) Longclaw!
[The owl looks over her shoulder as the portal starts to shrink]
Longclaw: (sad) Goodbye, Sonic...
Baby Sonic: No!
[The ring dematerializes, just before Sonic can jump through it]
Baby Sonic: No!
[The young Sonic shakily breathes in and out. He's alone. The title card appears: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG. Cut to black, before we're shown the present day]
Green Hills, Montana
Ten Years Later
[All we see is a highway, a sign and a police car hidden behind the sign. Inside, the town sheriff, Tom Wachowski, holds out a laser gun. Not that it is needed. There's not a single car to be seen]
Tom: Come on, one car?
[He briefly lowers the device and shakes his hand. To pass the time, he imitates how he would track a speeding car, until he accidentally knocks the gun against his jaw]
Tom: I'm bored!
Wade (vo): (heard through the police radio) Tom? Do you read me? Are you there?
[Tom talks to his colleague with a communicator]
Tom: (sarcastically) No, Wade. I'm actually on a yacht in Barbados. With Rihanna.
[We cut to the police station, where Wade stands next to his desk]
Wade: (oblivious) OMG... (laughs) That's amazing, please send pics.
Tom: No, Wade. I'm at the speed trap.
Wade (vo): Already?!
Wade: How did you get back so fast? Barbados is in the ocean.
[It's clear that Wade isn't the sharpest tool in the shed]
Tom: (seeing something) Hang on. I think I got something...
[Tom grabs his tracking device and aims it at... a turtle. A beep, its speed is registered: 1 MPH]
Tom: (yelling at the turtle) Hey, buddy! Where's the fire?! Got kids living around here. (lifting his hand) I thought it was kind of fun, sorry...
[He chuckles and takes his sunglasses off, just as something passes the laser gun, lying on the dashboard. It reads 296 MPH]
Tom: (confused) What?
[As the young officer pats against the device, thinking it's broken, we see a slightly older Sonic, hanging down behind the car. Tom resets the timer, just in time for Sonic to pass it again: 300 MPH. Tom is stunned and Sonic excited, doing a fist bu- Err, pump. Yeah, fist pump, in the background. Tom looks around and leaves the car. As he looks through the field nearby, he finds something. A blue quill. He picks it up and looks at it from all sides]
Wade (vo): Tom, we need you down on Main Street. There's been a violent gang shootout.
[Cut to the police car being driven away]
Wade (vo): (laughing) Just kidding, a duck stole a bagel. But they do need it back.
[The turtle continues its tremendously slow walk, but another car drives towards it. Just as it's about to drive over the poor animal, Sonic speeds by and pulls it out of the car's way]
Sonic: (to the turtle) Whoa, buddy. You almost got yourself killed out there. (softly tapping its head) What are you, some kind of adrenaline junkie?
[Don't Stop Me Now from Queen starts to pick up in the background. Perfect song choice]
Sonic: Must be rough, being slow all the time... (smiling) Tell you what, today is your lucky day.
[Freddie Mercury's vocals kick in. Sonic and the turtle he's holding are speeding across the highway]
Sonic: Woohoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Have you ever felt so alive?! (raises it in his left hand) This is great, you're doing amazing!
[Then the reptile flies out of Sonic's hand]
Sonic: Oh, geez!
[He quickly runs back, grabs it and continues his run]
Sonic: (brushing it off) Good recovery! Woohoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
[In a nearby forest, Sonic puts the shaking turtle back on the ground]
Sonic: Let's keep this our little secret, okay? You never saw me. (waving his arms dramatically) I was never here...
[He races away. POV shot, Sonic runs through the forest until he reaches his hideout: a cave, decked out with several things he presumably "borrowed" throughout the years. Sonic quickly runs around the place, playbacking, doing push ups, playing guitar while jumping off his bean bag and jumping rope, all by himself. He also narrates himself, as the hedgehog swirls around in a suspended tire with his guitar]
Sonic (vo): So, what were you expecting? A dirty little hedgehog, eating berries and struggling to survive? Think again, because I am living my best life on Earth.
[Sonic then reads quickly through a collection of Flash comics...]
Sonic (vo): I've got a library...
[...runs through a broken washing machine, taking his own pulse…]
Sonic (vo): ...a home gym...
[...and swings a pair of nunchucks around]
Sonic (vo): ...and a state-of-the-art security system.
[He knocks himself out. Sonic then starts to play table tennis by himself. In the most literal sense of the word. He knocks the ball back and forth on the makeshift ping pong table, built out of cans and a signpost. Hill Top Rd… He then accidentally knocks away the ring pouch, spilling its contents. The song abruptly stops]
Sonic: (worried) Oh no...
[He quickly puts the rings back where they belong, before unfolding a map]
Sonic (vo): And if I'm ever discovered, I'll follow Longclaw's instructions and use my rings to escape to a new planet.
[This planet is shown on the map, along with several others, modeled after SEGA and Sonic easter eggs]
Sonic (vo): A nice safe little world, filled only with mushrooms.
[He throws one of the rings to create a portal. It shows this planet in all of its… glory?]
Sonic (vo): Gross, smelly mushrooms...
Sonic: I hate mushrooms.
[He then runs to the edge of a nearby cliff, looking out over a huge number of pines, which surround the town of Green Hills]
Sonic (vo): But let's not worry about all that. This… is Green Hills.
[He speeds down the cliff and quickly runs towards and through the town, unnoticed by anyone]
Sonic (vo): The greatest place on Earth. These are my people. And dare I say, I am their lovable space creature.
[The hedgehog looks out over the streets from a nearby building]
Sonic (vo): So what if they don't know I exist?
[We're shown Tom, holding a donut in his hand. He's filling in as a traffic controller]
Sonic (vo): My favorite person is the Donut Lord. Protector of this town and defender of all creatures, big and small.
[The sheriff is letting a family of ducks cross the road]
Tom: (to the ducks) Morning. Donald, Daisy, Daffy...
[We cut to Tom's wife, Maddie, holding a laptop and walking to the porch of their house]
Sonic (vo): Donut Lord lives with Pretzel Lady. (as she is doing yoga) She is super nice to animals and, strangely, was born without bones.
[Sonic, watching from a distance, is imitating Maddie's yoga pose]
Sonic: Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
[We're shown an old man, showing a sloppily done drawing of Sonic (coincidentally in the form of the Sanic meme) to two guys in a bar, who laugh at him. This is the town's loon, Crazy Carl]
Sonic (vo): There is one person in town who's actually on to me. He calls me the Blue Devil.
[The man shows his project to Tom, who shakes his head in disbelief]
Crazy Carl: I almost caught him last night...
[We cut to that night. Carl wears an odd hat and is holding a flashlight, as well as a headlight]
Sonic (vo): Say hello to Crazy Carl.
[Sonic speeds through the several bear traps the man set out around him. They all slam shut without catching him]
Sonic (vo): We have fun together.
[As Carl runs away, one of the traps gets hold of him and hoists him up by his leg]
Crazy Carl: (dropping the flashlight) I know you're out there! And I know you're real!
Sonic (vo): (in the distance) No, I'm not!
[We cut to another night. Tom and Maddie are sitting in front of their television]
Sonic (vo): Movie night is my favorite.
[Sonic appears in the window behind them, crossing his fingers]
Sonic: Please, please, please, please...
[The movie Speed starts playing]
Sonic: Yes! Keanu, you are a national treasure.
[Editor's note: Seconded]
Jack Traven: When I find you, I'll...
Howard Payne: Pop quiz, hot shot. There's a bomb on a bus.
Sonic: "Pop quiz, hot shot." (making a kiss gesture) Mwah… It's a classic line.
[The couple is laughing and eating popcorn, unaware of the hedgehog behind them]
Sonic (vo): Basically, we're like a family. Even though we haven't met yet.
[We cut to the office of a psychiatrist. Sonic is conversing with himself, going back and forth between playing the doctor and the patient]
Sonic: (as the doctor, heavy German accent, wearing glasses) You don't think your prolonged isolation is making you a bit crazy, perhaps? (as the patient, lying on the couch) Crazy?! Me? No way, Doc. You got me all wrong. (back as the doctor) And despite all these so-called friends of yours, (takes off the glasses, normal voice) deep down, (sad) you're still rather lonely?
[Sonic is looking back up the window of Tom's house. They're watching The Naked Gun]
Sonic (vo): Perhaps afraid… you'll be alone forever?
[The sad creature walks away. We cut to some time later, Tom's Toyota is parked by his house. Its headlights illuminate several raccoons eating out of the trash cans. He honks several times, but they don't move]
Tom: Uh-uh. Hey! No, no, no, no. (gets out of the vehicle) Get out of there, come on. Oh, come on! Get out of there! Get out of there, you trash pandas!
[The raccoons stumble out of the cans and flee. Tom enters his home]
Tom: Maddie? As Green Hills' most respected veterinarian, what is the fastest way to exterminate a raccoon?
[Ozzy, the family dog, enters the scene. Tom crouches down and pets him]
Tom: Hi, Ozzy. Hello! You could've seen… You don't eat garbage, do you?
[Maddie, Tom's wife, also enters, holding an envelope. The sheriff sees her]
Tom: What's that? Is that what I think it is?
Maddie: Uh-huh. (holds it out) Open it.
[Tom grabs the envelope and observes it]
Tom: Oh, it's kinda small. Is that bad?
Maddie: Just... open it.
[Tom exhales and begins to read the letter]
Tom: "Dear Thomas, we have reviewed your application to the San Francisco Police Department and pending interdepartmental review and background check... we're happy to inform you that you've been selected to join our team."
Maddie: (laughs) Oh, my God.
Tom: Wow! Oh, my God...
[They hug. Maddie then pulls up a cake box and opens it]
[Tom sees the cake and frowns. It reads: "Forget Those Morons, San Francisco Sucks", above the burning Golden Gate Bridge]
Tom: "San Francisco Sucks."
Maddie: Oh. (groan) Wrong one.
[She switches up the boxes, showing the true victory cake, a picture of Tom in police uniform with the text "Congratulations! I never had a doubt!"]
Maddie: Ta-da! (laughs)
Tom: (reading the text) You never had a doubt, huh?
Maddie: No! Mm-mmm.
[Tom and Maddie kiss and then hug]
Tom: I can't believe this.
Maddie: Oh, I know! You did it.
[Tom sees something on Maddie's laptop]
Tom: Hey, what are those?
Maddie: Apartments for rent I found on Zillow. I thought Ozzy and I could fly there tomorrow and check out some neighborhoods.
Tom: I mean, this is all happening so fast...
Maddie: (playfully sarcastic) Oh, man. It's the craziest thing. You apply for the job, you get the job.
Tom: Well, pending a background check.
Maddie: Oh, man. Hope they don't find out about that time you used the neighbor's WiFi...
Tom: Correction: I'm still using the neighbor's WiFi.
Tom: But Maddie, are you sure you're okay with this?
Maddie: Thomas Michael Wachowski, what did you do the entire time I was in veterinary school?
Tom: I worked a second job to pay the rent and a third…
Maddie: A third job to pay tuition. You sacrificed for me, I'm happy to sacrifice for you. Babe, are you sure you're okay with this? I mean, there's been a Wachowski protecting this town for more than fifty years. This is a big change.
Tom: I'm positive. It's time for this guy to get out there and prove himself. I love Green Hills, but... you know, I wanna help people in real trouble. I want someone to turn to me in a life-or-death situation and I'll be there for 'em.
Maddie: I get it. I'm so proud of you.
Tom: Thank you.
[We cut to Tom, the next day. He's giving a goodbye speech]
Tom: And so, it is with a heavy heart that I tell you all that I have accepted a position at the San Francisco Police Department, effective immediately. It's gonna be tough to leave my hometown and all my friendships, but this is something I feel like... I need to do. To grow, as both an officer... and a man.
[The man then spreads his arms and smiles. He'd been giving his monologue to a donut, adorned with glasses, sitting on the hood of his car]
Tom: What do you think, Sergeant Sprinkles? That wasn't so bad, right? Now all I gotta do is... tell everyone who isn't a donut.
[In the meantime, Sonic is observing a nearby baseball match]
Sonic: Whoa, the playoffs!
[The match continues. The hedgehog speeds out of hiding and watches the match behind the visitor stand. A kid who just finished a home run, high fives his teammates. Sonic smiles as the child is lifted into the air, the man of the match. Later, we see how the players and attendees leave the field, get into their cars and leave. When the dark of night falls, the lights around the field are turned on. Sonic walks onto the grass and looks around]
Sonic: Oh! So cool...
[He sees the baseball equipment, unprotected and ready to use]
Sonic: Bottom of the ninth tie score, and exactly who you want at the plate with the game on the line, Sonic!
[He switches position. Sonic's now the pitcher]
Sonic: But staring him down from the pitcher's mound is the most fearsome southpaw in Green Hills: also Sonic.
[Back as the batter]
Sonic: Okay. focus, Sonic… If you win this game, you'll be the most beloved kid in Green Hills.
[Another swap, as one of the team players, he slams on his face, lets out some arm farts and does weird hand motions]
Sonic: Hit it to the guy in left, he's a real space case.
[As a member of the opposing team, he blows bubble gum and looks at his imaginary teammates, confused. Back as the pitch]
Sonic: (groans) I can't with that guy.
[Now he's the catcher]
Sonic: Hey, batter Sonic! Hey, batter Sonic! Suh-wing, batter Sonic!
[The baseball is thrown and knocked away. Sonic, as the clueless player, is sniffing a nearby flower when the ball flies his direction. He gets up and tries to grab it]
Sonic: I got it, I got it, I got it! (dives, misses the ball) I don't got it.
[The batter starts to run. The ball is picked up and thrown away, nearly hitting the passing Sonic as he reaches second base]
Sonic: (as the coach) Go home! Go home!
[Batter Sonic passes third base]
Sonic: (as the catcher) Come on!
[Sonic grunts, jumps forward and reaches the home space, just before the catcher pins the ball]
Sonic: (as the referee) Safe!
[The hedgehog slides a little further along, before getting back up, excited]
Sonic: Ha, yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes! I did it! Did you see that? (holding up his hand) I did it! I did it...
[He's expecting a high-five, but there's no one there. No one on the stand, no one on the bench… Sonic lowers his hand, saddened by this realization]
Sonic: I really am alone… All alone, forever.
[Sonic takes off his helmet and starts to circle to the baseball field. It's as if he's trying to shake his loneliness away. Lightning starts to surround the ring as the hedgehog speeds up. He lets out a cry of anguish, releasing the energy. The lights are destroyed and a blue shockwave flies out, causing a power outage and even destroying a nearby satellite. Sonic, now calmed down, looks around]
Sonic: (confused) I'm sure no one noticed that giant blue explosion, right?
[At the police station, the phone is furiously battered with calls. Wade looks at it, unsure of what to do. At his house, Tom looks around his living room, picking up his smartphone when the confused officer calls him]
Tom: Hey, Wade.
Wade: Hi, Tom. Wade here. (chuckles nervously) What is going on?
Tom: (pressing a nearby light switch) Oh, gosh. I think the power is out.
Wade: You don't durr! The lights are out and the whole town is freaking out. W-What should I do?
Tom: Okay, relax. Take a deep breath. Call Gil, see if they can locate the downline. Then, call Zim and see if he can get his generator over to the Super Q, so the food stays… fresh...
[He notices a blue shine coming from somewhere]
Wade (vo): Call... Zim before Gil? Call Gil... Hello?
Tom: (looking at his desk) Call you back...
Wade: Wait, wait, hello? Was that the end of the instructions?
[But his colleague hangs up]
Wade: Okay, alright… Uh, you can do this. What was the first thing he said to do? (beat) Right, relax.
[He leans back in his chair. Tom puts something on his table aside to reveal the quill he found not too long ago. He picks it up. It's emitting blue light and appears to contain some sort of energy. We then cut to the Pentagon. Several high officers are grouping around a table to discuss what happened]
Vice Chairman Walters: Twenty minutes ago, an energy surge knocked out power across the entire Pacific Northwest. What do we know?
[Editor's note: The first person to speak is played by Garry Chalk, who has lend his voice to several Sonic characters over the years]
Navy Chief: Well, our first instinct was it was an EMP. But electromagnetic pulses don't have that kind of power.
Air Force Chief: NASA has ruled out meteor strikes or solar flares.
Homeland Security Secretary: The Department of Energy says it's not a power plant malfunction.
Vice Chairman Walters: Well, sounds like we're really good at figuring out what it wasn't.
Army Chief: This could be a prelude to a larger attack. I'm suggesting we scramble the Fifth and Sixth Regiment...
Vice Chairman Walters: No, no, no, no... This needs a much more sophisticated mind. Someone who understands technology.
Army Chief: You wanna send in a lab rat?
Vice Chairman Walters: Not just any lab rat. A lab rat with teeth.
Air Force Chief: You're not suggesting who I think you're suggesting?
Vice Chairman Walters: I know, he's a little weird...
Air Force Chief: Weird?!
Army Chief: No, no. No way.
Air Force Chief: He's a psychological tire fire!
Vice Chairman Walters: But he's also brilliant. Five PhD's, IQ off the charts, and his... drone tech is-is-is-is revolutionary.
Army Chief: You're sure he can handle this?
Vice Chairman Walters: He has a Perfect Operations record. Remember the coup in Pakistan?
Army Chief: No.
Vice Chairman Walters: Or the uprising in Azerbaijanistan?
Navy Chief: That's not even a country.
Vice Chairman Walters: Exactly. And you can thank Robotnik for that.
Air Force Chief: I can't believe you're bringing that freak into this.
Vice Chairman Walters: Neither can I. But... we have no choice.
[The next day, several lab technicians and military operatives are investigating the baseball field. Taking samples, scavenging, when suddenly a truck arrives at the scene, followed by several black cars. The leader of this team, Major Bennington, is talking with a nearby soldier...]
Female Soldier: Yes, Major...
[...and as she steps away, both she and Bennington turn around. The camera pans over the front of the truck, revealing a red camera lens at the top of it]
Major Bennington: What the...
[The side door of the truck slides down and turns into a staircase. And at the top of it appears the star of the show: Dr. Robotnik. His black suit and robe are just as dashing as his hair and sunglasses. His associates, led by Agent Stone, step out of their cars and join their boss, who walks down the staircase and steps to the major, taking his glasses off]
Dr. Robotnik: Are you in charge here?
Major Bennington: Yes, I a...
Dr. Robotnik: (interrupting) Nope!
Major Bennington: M...
Dr. Robotnik: Wrong!
Major Bennington: My name...
Dr. Robotnik: I'm in charge!
Major Bennington: (getting annoyed) ...is Major...
Dr. Robotnik: Me!
Major Bennington: ...Ben...
Dr. Robotnik: (whispering) I'm in charge.
[He points at an insignia Agent Stone is holding up]
Dr. Robotnik: You've never seen anything like this before. It says I'm the top banana, in a world full of hungry little monkeys. Allow me to clarify. (turning his head, moving like a robot) Zzt, zzt. (talking fast) In a sequentially ranked hierarchy, based on level of critical importance, the disparity between us is too vast to quantify. (normal) Agent Stone?
[Robotnik turns around and takes a few steps away from Bennington]
Agent Stone: The Doctor thinks you're basic.
Dr. Robotnik: I'm initiating a sweep sequence.
[He presses several buttons located on his glove. An LCD display underneath it comes to light]
Dr. Robotnik: Ten miles in every direction should suffice...
[The roof of the truck opens. Several drones, who bear a high resemblance to eggs in both color and shape, hover out of their hiding places]
Dr. Robotnik: (to Agent Stone, his back turned) Is he still looking at me funny?
Agent Stone: Yes, he is.
Dr. Robotnik: (lifting his hand) Tell him to stop, or I'll pull up his search history.
Agent Stone: If you don't stop looking at the Doctor, he'll take a closer look...
Major Bennington: (glaring at Robotnik) I'm not deaf.
Dr. Robotnik: (acting bored) And tell him his men report to me now. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah...
Major Bennington: Excuse me?! Listen, pal. I don't know if you realize who...
Dr. Robotnik: (turning around) Excuse me, Major... What was your name?
Major Bennington: Benning...
Dr. Robotnik: (interrupting him again) Nobody cares! (shaking his head, stepping closer) Nobody cares… Listen, Major Nobody Cares, you know why nobody cares who you are? Because nobody cares about your feeble accomplishments. (starts to circle him) And nobody cares how proud your Mommy is that you're now reading at a third grade level. Have you finished Charlotte's Web yet? Spoiler alert: she dies in the end. But she leaves a big creepy egg sac!
[The doctor admires his drones as they spread in the air]
Dr. Robotnik: Ah, my babies. Hoo! Look what came out of my egg sac! You know what I love about machines? (turns around again, spreads his arms) They do what they're told. They follow their program! They don't need time off to get drunk and put the boat in the water! (points at Bennington) And you do what you're told. (moves his hand) Stand over there, on the edge of your personal abyss… and watch my machines do your job.
[The frustrated soldier leaves, glaring at his opponent. Stone smiles and turns back to his boss]
Dr. Robotnik: Can you feel it, Stone?
Agent Stone: I can feel it, Doctor.
Dr. Robotnik: (inputting more commands) It's evolution, Stone... (making fists) It's evolution!
[The doctor spreads his arms and lets his creations free to scour the forest. They hover over and between the pine trees, until one of them discovers something. "Logging Anomaly". A spectrum analysis is performed on said anomaly: a footprint on a rock. Robotnik, inside his truck, decked out with several technological enhancements, presses several button to analyse the image. Stone enters the mobile lab]
Dr. Robotnik: Agent Stone?
Agent Stone: Doctor?
Dr. Robotnik: Do you use anything useful in this image?
Agent Stone: Nothing at all, Doctor.
Dr. Robotnik: Of course you don't. Your eyes weren't expertly trained to spot tracks by the Native American shadow wolves.
[Stone briefly looks at his boss with a confused expression. Robotnik then uses his computer to alter the footprint, revealing the shoe the foot was in. He rolls his chair back for Stone to see it]
Agent Stone: That's extraordinary...
Dr. Robotnik: No. What's extraordinary is... I determined the exact height, weight and spinal curvature of this creature. And my computer can't find a single match for it, anywhere, in Earth's Animal Kingdom. (stands up, points at the screen) This blackout was not a terrorist attack and that's no baby Bigfoot. (gloating, stepping to his desk) This guy… is something else… entirely. Divert all search units to the site of the footprint. That's one small step for men, one giant leap for me.
[Several military operatives search the forest, armed with guns, hounds and drones. Sonic watches them from a high place]
Sonic: Okay, okay. Everything is fine... You played some baseball, got a little upset, lightning shot out of your butt and now they're coming for you.
[He speeds back to his cave, trying to pull himself together]
Sonic: Alright, alright, Earth isn't safe anymore. Time for Plan B: Mushroomville. (speeds through the cave) I can't take my stuff. Okay, essential items only.
[He quickly drops several items in a backpack]
Sonic: Okay, toothbrush, toothpaste, hair gel, night light, funny hat, this half-eaten cantiloupe… Oh, and my scented candle… My entire comic book collection. Beanbag chair… Can a beanbag chair fit in a backpack? No, no, no, of course not. That's stupid. Okay, what else? The rings, the rings! Yes, of course. (pulls out a ring) Okay, here we go. Ring time. Mushroom planet, here I come.
[We hear the sound of barking dogs and drones, they've closed in on Sonic's hideout]
Sonic: Oh no! They're right outside. I gotta go somewhere else...
[He briefly turns around to his home]
Sonic: Goodbye, cave...
[Sonic leaves. Back at Tom's house, Maddie is calling him. Tom, who's been drawing a route from Montana to San Francisco on a map, picks up his phone]
Tom: Whatcha doin'?
Maddie: Oh, just coloring with JoJo and Rachel.
Tom: Ah, that sounds... half fun. Hey, exciting stuff here. We had a power outage. The whole town went dark. It was like a sign, telling me to get out of dodge.
Maddie: Wade must have lost his mind.
Tom: Yeah. And he does not have much to lose. How's your sister? Did she convince you to leave me yet?
Maddie: No, but she did tell me to check your phone for dating apps.
Tom: The only apps on my phone are the ones that came with it. And the Olive Garden.
Maddie: Ah. Because when you're there...
Tom: You're family.
[A trash can is tipped over outside. Tom looks out the window]
Tom: Oh, no way... The raccoons are back. (walking to the cupboard) And they are in for a surprise.
Maddie: Your surprise better not be my tranquilizer gun. They're just hungry. And also, that's for bears.
[He quickly checks to see if it's armed]
Tom: Good. Now I know it will work...
Tom: I'm kidding! I'm just gonna use it to scare 'em... (softer) Possibly to death. (quickly) Love you, honey. Bye!
[The sheriff wisps a finger through his cake before going outside. Maddie looks over to her sister]
Rachel: (spelling it out) D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
[Sonic has enters Tom's shed, he's standing on a table, his shoes covered in mud]
Sonic: Okay, I'm in. With minimal damage to Donut Lord's property. (picks up the ring again) Here we go... Didn't work out on Earth, but that's okay. You're going to a safe world. A nice safe world filled with mushrooms. Mushrooms that'll be your only… friends. That sounds awful! I can't do this! You have to do it, there's no other option.
[He lets out a deep breath and lifts the ring]
[But just then, Tom barges in, out holding the gun]
Tom: SFPD! Pending background check... Paws in the air!
[Both he and Tom freeze as they see each other. Then we get to the most iconic line of the movie]
Sonic: Uh, meow?
[They start to scream. Tom accidentally fires the gun and a tranquilizer dart lands in Sonic's leg]
[The hedgehog quickly begins to get dizzy. Through his blurred vision, he sees the text written on Tom's shirt, with an image of the Transamerican Pyramid right next to it]
Sonic: San... Francisco?
[Sonic drops the ring. A portal opens up on the floor. Tom watches in awe at the sight of it, dropping his firearm. The creature shakes for a bit and collapses onto the floor. The ring pouch he'd been holding falls through the hole and lands onto the Transamerican Pyramid. We see that "Emergency Use Only" is written onto the bag]
Sonic: (as the portal closes and disappears) No...
[The creature loses his consciousness. Tom looks at Sonic in utter empuzzlement]
[We cut back to Sonic, who has been put into a dog cage. Tom pushes a spatula through the bars, trying to wake the hedgehog up. He drops it and holds up the quill he found. It's an exact match]
Tom: (lets out a breath) The Blue Devil...
[He turns around and leans against the counter. Between him, Sonic lets himself out of the cage. As Tom turns back, he steps away, stunned when the creature is back on its feet]
Sonic: Donut Lord?
Tom: You can talk. (uneasy) You're not… You're not here to abduct me, are you?
Sonic: You abducted me.
Tom: Okay, that's a fair point. What are you? Why are you hiding out in my garage?
Sonic: I-I needed somewhere safe, a-and you're the only person I could think of, Donut Lord.
Tom: Why do you keep calling me "Donut Lord"?
Sonic: 'Cause you talk to donuts. And then eat them if they get outta line.
Tom: Again, fair...
Sonic: Wait, wait, wait… Where are the mushrooms? Why am I still on Earth? Oh, did… Oh, no! I lost my rings!
[They both look up when they hear a heavy vehicle approaching. It's Robotnik's mobile lab]
Tom: What's happening? Is that your mothership? (runs to the window) Not in the mood to get probed.
Sonic: You think you're worried? I'm not even wearing pants.
(looking out the window) What the...
[The hissing truck comes to a halt. Sonic yells and quickly closes the curtains]
Sonic: They're coming for me!
Tom: Who's coming for you? What's that gotta do with me?!
Sonic: I don't have time to explain, but you have to help me.
Tom: (shaking his head) No, I don't! Why?
Sonic: Well, my legs, which normally would be classified as lethal weapons, feel like spaghetti. I need your help. Please? It's life or death.
[Tom packs himself together and lets out a determined breath]
Tom: Fine. Come with me.
[He walks away and Sonic tries to follow, only to fall face-first onto the floor]
Sonic: Uh, little help?
[Robotnik crouches down by the path leading to Tom's house. With his glove, he analyses a nearby footprint left behind by Sonic. Tom hides the creature in his attic]
Tom: All right. Stay here and be quiet.
Sonic: Good plan, great plan. We're already working so well together, practically finishing each other's sentences.
[But Tom quickly closes the hatch]
Sonic: Okay, bye.
[The sheriff steps to his open door, he sees Robotnik]
Tom: Hello there! Can I help you?
[Robotnik gets back up and walks towards Tom]
Dr. Robotnik: (lifts his hand) Good morning, my rural chum. I'm… from the power company, investigating a blackout. (walking up some stairs) If you don't mind, I'd like to take a few readings inside your house.
Tom: No kidding, you're from the power company? (when the doctor nods) Oh, you must know my buddy Spencer, we play softball together.
Dr. Robotnik: Ah, Spence… He's a good man.
Tom: Yeah, yeah. Oh, come on in.
Dr. Robotnik: Great!
[The doctor moves to the door]
Tom: Take all the readings you need. Except, uh...
[Tom blocks the doorway, Robotnik glares at him]
Tom: The power companies usually take their readings from outside the house. That way, they can check 'em even when you're not home. Also, my buddy Spencer works for the gas company. He's more of an Ultimate Frisbee guy. So, you wanna tell me why you think I'm dumb enough to just let you walk inside my house?
[As Robotnik continues his glaring, he puts one arm behind his back and presses several buttons on his power glove. Several small drones fly out of the truck, towards the house, unnoticed by Tom]
Dr. Robotnik: I'm sorry, Mr...
Tom: Wachowski. But everyone calls me Tom. Except my dentist, he calls me Tim. But it's gone on for so long now that it would just be weird if I corrected him.
Dr. Robotnik: Well, Tom Whose Dentist Calls Him Tim, you may have noticed that this entire town has been experiencing a power outage.
Tom: Yep, no lights. Picked up on that.
[As Robotnik goes on, the drones covertly enter the building through the windows and chimney]
Dr. Robotnik (vo): Twenty minutes ago, I tracked an energy pulse with a similar signature to the one that caused this disruption.
[They start to scan their environment. Sonic, looking scared, is hiding in the shadows of the attic]
Tom: Listen, uh, Mr...
Dr. Robotnik: Doctor. Dr. Robotnik. But my dentist calls me Rob.
Tom: Hmm. Look, uh, Dr. Robot... skiz... Um… I'm sure what you're here for is very serious, but it's got nothing to do with me. You can ask anyone in town. Everyone knows me.
Dr. Robotonik: I bet they do. I'm sure you're hella popular with the Jeb and Merls and Billy Bobs in this glorified gas station rest stop.
[Tom's smile makes place for a frown]
Dr. Robotnik: Bet you go way back to the days of tipping cows and playing in a jugband!
[Robotnik blows raspberries and waves with his arm in an effort to imitate a musical instrument. Oh, Nineties Jim Carrey, how I've missed you so...]
Dr. Robotnik: (stepping closer) And maybe someday… you'll achieve your goal of getting a Costco card or adopting a Labradoodle. But the reality is... I surpassed everything you're ever going to do! Before I was a toddler. I was spitting out formulas while you were still spitting up formula.
Tom: I was breastfed, actually.
Dr. Robotnik: Nice. Rub that in my orphan face. Mr Wachowski, are you familiar with US Code 9-0-4, Title 10, Article 1-0-4?
Tom: Yeah, who isn't...
Dr. Robotnik: (interrupts) Anyone… who attempts to aid an enemy of the United States shall suffer death. (lifts his finger) And if I'm the one that catches you, it'll be even worse.
Tom: Worse than death?
[Upstairs, we see that Sonic has curled up into his ball form. He talks to himself as the drones keep scanning]
Sonic: Okay, I'm a ball. Just a normal ball. I'm blending in like a ball. Shh, stop talking. No, you stop talking. Be quiet, Sonic. You be quiet, Sonic! (as the drones creep closer) Oh, I hope they aren't scanning me with X-rays. I had kind of an embarrassing lunch.
[Another drone swoops in. They start to examine the area Sonic is hiding in. As they work towards each other, Sonic tries to remain calm]
Sonic: Don't freak out. Don't freak out, don't freak out. Don't freak out, don't freak out, don't freak out.
[The drones almost touch Sonic]
Sonic: I'm freaking out!
[Sonic pushes himself out of harm's way, rolls down the hatchet and bounces down the staircase]
Sonic: Why don't you have your staircase carpeted?
[The blue ball slams again the kitchen table]
Dr. Robotnik: ...Compared to what I...
[Both Tom and Robotnik turns their heads towards the noise]
Tom: Old pipes.
Dr. Robotnik: Yeah, probably just the house settling. (turns around) Nothing to see here!
[Then he pushes Tom out of the way and steps to the kitchen. The cop follows behind him]
[They see the thing that could have caused the noise… A raccoon, who is currently eating its way through Tom's cake]
Dr. Robotnik: (looking around) Here's the thing. (finger lifted) I'm never wrong.
Tom: (mockingly pats Robotnik's shoulder) Well, first time for everything, I guess.
[The animal quickly flees through the dog flap]
Tom: Would you like some cake? I hear raccoons have the cleanest mouths of any animal that routinely eats garbage.
[Robotnik laughs sarcastically, clearly enraged at being made a fool of. He turns around and is about to leave, but then he leans back. One of Sonic's quills sticks out of the table. Whether it's the same one Tom earlier found or another one accidentally left by Sonic as he rolled down the stairs is left ambiguous. The doctor grabs it and holds it out for Tom to see]
Dr. Robotnik: Look at that… I was right. Note the lack of surprise. (sternly) Shall we try this again?
[He whistles Flight of the Valkyries, leading one of his bigger drones inside of the building. Sonic looks on, hiding underneath the table. The drone opens up, two guns are ready to fire]
Dr. Robotnik: (as he strokes the quill) I'm going to give you five seconds to tell me where it is. Five...
Tom: I don't know what you're talking about.
Dr. Robotnik: Four...
Tom: Hey, tough guy. (shows his badge) I'm a cop. And you're threatening an officer.
Dr. Robotnik: How can you threaten somebody who never existed? Three... Come on, wrack your brain! You might be able to come up with some lame excuse to go on living, in two! One!
[Sonic speeds out of his hiding place]
Sonic: Wait! Don't hurt him!
[Robotnik screams out in surprise. Taking advantage of his distraction, Tom decks him and the doctor falls onto the floor. The drone unfolds itself in the form of an X. "Threat Identified". The cop acts quick, pulling Sonic with him and hiding behind his living room table as the machine opens fire]
Sonic: This feels excessive!
[The drone stops, it's reloading its weapons]
Tom: Stay behind me.
[He looks around, Sonic's gone. Tom looks up, Sonic has climbed up a nearby cupboard. He's ready to jump onto the robot. Tom shakes his head, but Sonic nods. Just as the drone is targeting Tom, Sonic jumps]
[They circle for a moment, destroying Tom's house]
Sonic: Don't worry! I've got it right where I want it! Hah! Yah! Can you believe Amazon is gonna deliver packages with these things?
[Tom crawls under the table, the drone tries to shake off its attacker]
Sonic: This was a horrible plan! What was I thinking?
[The cop tries to get up]
Sonic: I'm gonna puke!
[Sonic falls onto the ground. Tom grabs a nearby ashtray and destroys the drone. He then quickly drags the dazed Sonic with him, out of his home]
Tom: Come on! We gotta get outta here!
Sonic: (over Tom's shoulder) Aw, don't tell me that's all you got? I'm just getting started! Let me know if you wanna go round two with the blue!
[The man puts Sonic into the passenger seat of his Toyota Tacoma. He steps in, starts the car and drives away, just as another car arrives. Agent Stone gets out, sees them leave. He walks into Tom's house and helps his grunting boss back on his feet]
Agent Stone: Doctor? Are you okay? I saw a guy race outta here and I thought...
Dr. Robotnik: That you should stop them? Open your mouth… and say you thought that you should stop them.
Agent Stone: No, I thought that maybe I check to see if you were okay...
[Robotnik grabs Stone by his tongue]
Agent Stone: Hey!
Dr. Robotnik: You know what's hard about being the smartest person in the world?
Agent Stone: (slightly muffled) Everyone else being stupid.
Dr. Robotnik: (in tandem) Stupid! Yes, way to go! You got that one!
[Robotnik lets go off Stone's tongue and wipes his hands clean of his associate's jacket]
Dr. Robotnik: Whatever this creature is, it's our job to secure it, neutralize it, uncover the source of its power. And if it resists… we take it apart... Piece by piece. (puts his sunglasses back on) See what makes it tick...
[Tom's hit has ruined the frame of the glasses]
Dr. Robotnik: Stone?
Agent Stone: Doctor?
Dr. Robotnik: Call Optical Illusions. Tell 'em I need new frames. (throws them away) They know what kind I like. Oh, and bring that quill.
Agent Stone: Yes, Doctor.
[Robotnik leaves and Stone grabs the quill. Meanwhile, Tom's Toyota passes the Green Hills sign, leaving the town]
Tom: Alright, pal. You need to start talking, right now. Who are you? What are you?
Sonic: (frowns) I'm a hedgehog. I feel like that's obvious. And I'm in big trouble.
Tom: Oh, you're in big trouble? You're not the one who punched some sort of government weirdo back there.
Sonic: You think you have problems?! I lost my rings!
Tom: Rings? What are you talking about?
Sonic: Okay, rings are how all advanced cultures travel between worlds, and now mine are on top of a pointy building I've only ever seen on your skintight T-shirt.
[Tom tries to say something, but he's at a loss for words]
Sonic: So, I'd like you to take me to San Francisco, so I can get back my rings and use them to get to the mushroom planet.
Tom: Mushroom planet?
[Tom parks his car on the side of the road. Sonic looks confused]
Tom: (opens the door) Okay, pal. Out you go.
Sonic: I'm sorry, what?
Tom: Look, this is the worst possible time for me to get myself into trouble, okay? You asked me to save your life, I saved your life. Now, please… Go find your rings… and your mushroom land. Hopefully, I'm gonna wake up in a hospital bed and the doctor's gonna tell me that my colonoscopy was a big success. Okay? So, goodbye.
Sonic: Okay. Goodbye.
[He steps out of the vehicle, but doesn't move]
Tom: Why aren't you leaving?
Sonic: I don't know where San Francisco is.
Tom: It's west.
Tom: Straight shot, can't miss it.
Sonic: Fine. That's cool. I'm totally cool saying goodbye now.
[The hedgehog then speeds away. Tom, convinced this is a dream, watches on, when Sonic suddenly stops just outside of Tom's open passenger door. Seaweed and a fish are draped over the hedgehog. Tom is taken by surprise]
Sonic: So, as I crashed into the cold, dark water of the Pacific, I realized a few things. A: I have no idea where I'm going. B: Saltwater stings. C: I shouldn't even be on this planet right now, but I am. Why? Because you shot me.
Tom: (nods) I know.
Sonic: You shot me!
Tom: I-I heard you the first time. You don't have to... pile it on. Good grief...
Sonic: (irritated) I'm wet, I'm cold, there's a fish on my head, and clearly I'm not gonna be able to do this on my own.
[Tom is unsure how to react. The fish slides off of Sonic's head. Finally, Tom sighs]
Tom: All right, get in the truck.
Sonic: (excited) Really? You're gonna help me?
[He shakes the seaweed off of him, which causes his fur to poof out]
Tom: I guess it is a little bit my fault that all this is happening to you.
Sonic: Not a little bit. Entirely. It is entirely your fault.
Tom: (nods) Okay, it is entirely my fault. Are you coming?
[He shakes his fur out once more, reverting it back to normal, before he climbs into the passenger's seat and shuts the door]
Sonic: Road trip! Woohoo!
Tom: (shaking his head) What am I doing?
[The car is driven away]
Tom: All right, there's gonna be rules on this trip. Number one: do exactly as I say, all the time. Got it?
Sonic: Got it, Donut Lord.
Tom: Would you stop with the "Donut Lord"? I have a name. It's Tom.
Sonic: I'm Sonic.
Tom: Sonic. Sonic… So, you've been spying on us all for years?
Sonic: I mean, I wouldn't call it spying. We're all just hanging out, only I wasn't invited and no one knew I was there.
Tom: I can't believe Crazy Carl was right all this time.
Sonic: Yeah, you call him Super Observant Carl instead. (looks outside) Oh, my God! Stop the car, right now!
Tom: What? What?! What?
Sonic: (reading of a nearby sign) "The World's Largest Rubberband Ball"?! We gotta see it!
Tom: No. No, no, this is not some fun family road trip, okay? The government wants to dissect you, and arrest me. This is serious.
[But Sonic, who has always been bad as following instructions, speeds out of the car and gets back inside in a heartbeat. He's holding several rubberband balls in his lap and is wearing a cap]
Sonic: Eh, you're right. It was lame. Gift shop was cool, though.
[He holds up a mouse pad he got which says I ♥ R B]
Sonic: I got you a mouse pad. When are we gonna get there?
[The child starts to play with a paddle ball]
Tom: We will get there when we get there.
[Sonic just continues his new toy, smiling all the way. We cut to later that day. Night has fallen, Tom parks his car by a gas station, decked out with a shop and a phone booth. He opens his door, gets out and puts on a cap]
Tom: Alright. Now I gonna check in with Wade, see if he knows what's going on.
Sonic: You're gonna see Wade in that glass thing? What is it, a teleportation box?
[Editor's note: A part of me thinks that's a Doctor Who reference]
Tom: It's a payphone. It's mostly for drug dealers and fugitives from the law, which is us. Stay in the car, I don't want anybody seeing you.
Sonic: Oh... Fine.
[The cop opens the door of the payphone and gets inside. In the car, Sonic is behind the driving wheel, simulating a race and makes motor noises. These are certainly replace with real motor noises. On the other side of the road, there is a restaurant, the Piston Pit. Several motorbikes park in front of it and several old-fashioned cars run their motors. Sonic is getting excited]
Sonic: Ooooh! (hiding) Okay, okay, that is the coolest place on Earth, but you have to stay in the car.
[He looks back up. Bikers greet each other via headbutts and there's an arm wrestling match. Sonic breathes frantically, before wiping the fog away with his furry arm. A monster truck arrives]
Sonic: (going back and forth in his seat) Be strong. Be strong.
[When someone is doing tricks with his motorcycle, Sonic sees a pair of glasses hanging above him]
[Tom has entered a phone number and is waiting for Wade to pick up]
Wade: Hello? Green Hills Police Department?
Tom: Wade, it's me.
Wade: Hi... I'm so glad that you called. Uh, some… some guys came in, asking me some questions. Uh, a little creepy. (chuckles nervously) Kind of reminded me of, uh, the guys from Men in Black, but not as, um, likable or, uh, charming as Will Smith.
Tom: Wade, what kind of questions?
Wade: About terrorism. I told them that, like, I've gone ice fishing with Tom. H-He doesn't know how to make a bomb. He can't even make, like, bait in the cold.
Tom: Alright, Wade, listen to me. This is really important. Don't tell them that we talked, okay?
[Wade looks to his right. Robotnik and Stone are standing right next to his desk]
Wade: You know, I think they already kn-know...
[The police station is filled with Robotnik's agents. The doctor grabs the phone out of Wade's hand]
Dr. Robotnik: Mr Wachowski?
Tom: Ugh… Tom.
Dr. Robotnik: I want you to know that the only other person who ever punched in the face was the school bully. He hit me in the cafetaria, causing a blunt force contusion to the soft tissue surrounding my orbital bone. Humiliated me in front of the entire school, and you know what I did in response?
Tom: Uh, I'm assuming you reported him to the principal's office, 'cause, y'know, that kind of behavior is really unacceptable.
Dr. Robotnik: No. I examined the inefficiency of a world where brawn trumped brain, and I used technology to resolve that inefficiency. The boy ate his meals through a straw for a year, and I have never lost a fight again… Until today.
Tom: Hey, hooray for me then, huh?
Dr. Robotnik: No, because you're about to become the bully. With the straw! I'm coming for you, Mr Wachowski. And when I catch you, I'll...
[Tom quickly hangs up]
Dr. Robotnik: Hello? Hello? Hello, hello, hello?
Wade: I think he actually, um, hung up, because I noticed that the light isn't on.
Dr. Robotnik: Thank you, Officer Brainfart.
Wade: If you give me a second, I can get an outside line.
Dr. Robotnik: No... (puts the phone back) Don't be bothered. You just sit there and be you… seless.
[The team makes its leave]
Wade: No one's gonna… erase my memory here? (yelling after them) I will tell people about this!
[Tom walks out on the shop, holding several snacks in his hands]
Tom: Okay... Not exactly the healthiest meal, but...
[He notices that the car is empty]
[The man then looks over to the Piston Pit, putting two and two together. Tom puts his groceries on the front of the car and runs to the restaurant]
Tom: No, no, no, no, no, no!
[He steps inside and looks around, seeing a mechanical cow and eventually Sonic, sitting alone at a nearby table, wearing a cowboy hat. Tom walks towards him and bumps against the hedgehog, clearing his throat. Sonic turns around, he's wearing the shades he found]
Sonic: (tips his hat) Howdy, partner!
Tom: I'm not your partner. Come on, we're leaving.
Sonic: But there's a ZZ Top cover band. You gotta see their beards.
Tom: Weird enough to catch them some other time. Let's go, get up.
Sonic: If we stay, I promise I won't say another word for the rest of the trip, starting... now.
[A moment of silence, which is interrupted by the appearance of a waitress]
Roundhouse Waitress: Welcome to the Piston Pit. What can I get you, fellas?
Sonic: Oh, I want nachos and Buffalo Wings... Oh, and guac. Funny word, isn't it? Guac, guac. Guac.
Roundhouse Waitress: (to Tom) Hey, no kids allowed in here. What's he got on, some kind of mask?
Tom: Oh, he... Uh... He's actually forty-three years old and, um, suffers from a very rare skin disease, that stuns his growth and makes him look, um, like... like that.
Sonic: The face, I was born with. The confidence, I picked up along the way.
[The waitress smiles for a bit, seemingly uncomfortable]
Tom: Make his a Mellow Yellow, please.
Roundhouse Waitress: Okay. (walks away)
Tom: (takes off his hat, sits down) You owe me one.
Sonic: But I never sat in a barstool before. So squishy! Oh, look at this! It spins!
[The hedgehog swirls around, having the time of his life]
Sonic: Woah, woah, woah! (laughs, stops spinning) I feel sick.
Tom: Are you having fun? You're gonna check this of the old bucket list, huh? Big night for ya.
Sonic: What's a bucket list?
Tom: (sighs) A bucket list is, uh... It's a list of things you wanna do in your life before you, well, kick the bucket.
Sonic: I've never kicked a bucket either. Oh, I gotta make my list!
[He quickly runs through the establishment, finding a receipt and a pencil. Sonic begins to write things down, talking to himself with every item he writes down]
Sonic: Ah-hah, hmm-hmm... Oh-ho-ho-ho, Sonic! Ah-hah, ah-hah...
[He stops, he seems sad about something. Tom notices this]
Tom: What? What's the matter?
Sonic: There's so much stuff I've never done. And now that I'm leaving Earth forever, I guess I miss my chance.
[The cop looks around the bar for a moment]
Tom: Well, I guess this is the kind of place you can get a lot of living done in a short period of time. I suppose we could spare an hour.
Sonic: What? You're gonna "bucket list" with me?
Tom: Sure, why not?
Sonic: You won't regret this.
Tom: (nodding) Oh, I'm pretty sure I will.
[A montage is started. Sonic and Tom are shown dancing in the bar, playing darts. Tom hits the bullseye, looking over smugly at his companion. The hedgehog grabs a cup filled with darts and fires in succession, completely missing the board and hitting the wood around it, as well as the Corona cans the waitress is holding, sending beer squirting all over the place. "Compete In A Sport" is lined through. They then partake in a hoop shot game. Tom throws the balls, eventually throwing Sonic in his ball form along with them. The hedgehog sits down onto the ring and runs his feet through the hoop, racking up points]
Sonic: Ha ha! New high score!
["Do A Slam Dunk" goes off the list. Back to the dancefloor, Tom seems to get into the spirit of it]
Sonic: Yippee-ki-yay! Ah-ha!
[Sonic proceeds to take a ride on the electric bull]
Sonic: Wait a second. Is this bull missing a head or does it have two butts?
[Tom does a yawn gesture]
Sonic: Oh-ho! This is easy!
[Tom decides to up the ante. He puts in a coin and changes the speed on the control panel from "Shaken Not Steered" to "Deadly Desperado"]
Sonic: (laughing) Yee-haw!
[Sonic starts to sway and fly up]
Sonic: Oh-ho-ho, I'm a cowboy, baby!
[Tom laughs out loud, before Sonic flies off the thing. He seems concerned, but Sonic quickly gets back on top of the bull]
Sonic: (giving thumbs up) I'm okay!
[That was "Tame A Wild Animal". At the dance party, Sonic takes his hat off]
Sonic: Ah-hah! Woohoo!
[But then the hedgehog bumps into a nearby female patron. She turns around and sees Tom]
Tom: Whoo, yeah!
[She doesn't agree and throws her drink in his face, grunting and leaving. They end up back at their table. Tom dries his face with a piece of cloth]
Sonic: Ha ha ha!
Tom: Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.
Sonic: (laughing) Nice work, Romeo.
Tom: (sarcastic laughter) Glad you're having a good time.
Sonic: I am having a good time! I'm having the best time! What could go wrong?
[He shouldn't have said that. Three burly men walks towards them, they don't look happy. Tom sees them first]
Tom: Uh... (lifting his hands) Can we help you?
Roundhouse Thug: We don't like your kind around here.
Sonic: Our kind? What kind is that?
Roundhouse Thug: (leaning forward) Hipsters.
Sonic: (stunned) How dare you?
Tom: Oh, hey, you know what? We were just leaving anyway, weren't we? There's not, not a problem.
Sonic: No, no, no! It's okay.
Tom: No, no, no, we're leaving.
Sonic: I know exactly how to handle this situation.
[He grabs a bottle and stands onto his chair, clearing his throat]
Sonic: Pop quiz, hot shot. You just picked a fight with a poorly disguised hedgehog who's seen way too many action movies. What do you do? What do you do?
[Sonic jumps up and knocks against the thug's head with the bottle]
[The man only grunts, the bottle doesn't do anything but make him angry]
Sonic: Huh. (looking at the bottle) Am I crazy? It's supposed to break, right?
[He tries again and again, underpinning every quip with a tap against the thug's head]
Sonic: (uneasy) Dink. Dink, dink. Break, please. Break, please. Break this bottle, please. Please, please, please, please, please...
Tom: Uh, Sonic?
[The thug pulls his arm back and growls.]
[Sonic gets out of the way, but the fist finds another target: Tom. He's knocked back against some other patrons and a brawl is started. Tom gets into the fight and punches two more men, one of whom gets hit by a chair immediately afterwards. He and Sonic are driven into a metaphorical corner]
Sonic: (excited) Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Tom: Nice going!
Sonic: Thanks! It's awesome, right?! (shaking his wrists) Alright, who's next? Who wants some? (while Tom gets knocked around) Who do I get to beat up?
[The brawl continues. Nobody pays the hedgehog any attention]
Sonic: (looking around) Hey, has anybody seen my waitress? Still waiting on those Buffalo Wings!
[The burly thug cracks his knuckles]
Sonic: Why, you...
[Sonic charges towards him and, as he jumps over the man, repeatedly hits his head with his gloved hands. With a flip, he lands behind his opponent]
Sonic: Ha ha ha! (blowing on his fists)
[Unaffected, the thug turns around. He's outraged and growls like an animal. Sonic sees him]
[The man charges at him, before he suddenly freezes]
[Sonic smirks and speeds out of his disguise. X Ambassadors' BOOM kicks in as he runs through the bar, where everyone and everything has frozen in time. He takes action, first taking a selfie with someone whose tooth has been knocked out, before colliding with a rogue boot. Sonic then sees Tom. Worried, he speeds to his partner and the two men who are holding him. He pulls the beanie hat of one of them over his eyes and gives the other one a wedgie, hanging the end on an eagle ornament. He pushes Tom towards the bar, passes him a drink and runs to the waitress, who has dropped a platter of chili dogs. He quickly eats them, burps, grabs two sparklers and sauce bottles. He parties with the sparkles while showering some other patrons with sauce, drawing a face on one of them and putting the fireworks into his ears. Two other men are wound in toilet paper. Sonic then pulls a bunting line through the legs of the remaining customers, walks along the ceiling and winds the end around a fan. For his last act, he grab a nearby bear head, hops over the heads of the customers and puts it over the thug's face. The hedgehog then puts his jacket and hat back on, grabs a napkin and does a bull tamer's pose as we go back to real time. Virtually everyone but Tom and the thug collapses onto the ground, the latter continues to run towards Sonic]
Sonic: (pulling the napkin away) Olé!
[The thug flies through the window and lands outside. Tom looks around, holding his drink, dumbfounded. One of the guys wrapped in toilet paper, barely able to move, stumbles forward before tripping on another patron. The hedgehog speeds onto the bar]
Sonic: So, should we get outta here?
Tom: Yeah, time to go.
[They leave the Piston Pit, chased by the other patrons. Tom laughs]
Sonic: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! That was amazing! Oh, wait a second. Did we even pay our tip? It doesn't matter! Oh, watch this, watch this! I always wanna do this.
[Sonic slides over the hood and throws himself into the passenger seat. He laughs]
Male Patron: Get 'em!
Sonic: See ya, suckers!
[The entire customer base runs after the Toyota as they drive away. The snacks Tom bought fall of the car as it hits the road again]
Sonic: I can't say for sure, but I think they liked me.
Patron: Don't let them get away!
[Both Sonic and Tom are laughing]
Tom: (touching his cheek) Ouch...
Sonic: They got you pretty good.
Tom: I'm all right. I've been hit harder.
Sonic: Did you see how much toilet paper I used?
Sonic: The next person that goes into that bathroom will have nothing to wipe with.
[Editors note: If that were so then there goes that person thanks to COVID-19.]
[We cut to a motel at night. Inside one of the rooms, Tom puts some ice into a towel to ease the pain at the side of his head. Sonic, excited as ever, is jumping on the bed]
Sonic: The floors were sticky, the crowd was rough and the odds were against us, but there was no stopping Donut Lord and the Blue Blur! (speeds onto the other bed) Scratch another one of my list!
[The "Start A Bar Fight" item is penciled through. Tom sits down on his bed, handing his partner an ice pack]
Tom: You are a weird little dude.
[Sonic grabs the towel with ice. Tom presses his against his cheek and grunts. Sonic imitates him. This goes on for a bit]
Sonic: So, what are we gonna do now?
Tom: I'm gonna pass out watching TV. You should too.
Sonic: But this is my last night on Earth. I wanna soak up every last second.
Tom: Alright, well, anything you can find to do in this room, you knock yourself out.
[Oh, he does. He sprints around, changing channels on the telly, balancing on one of the lights (in his traditional animation, I might add), playing with toilet paper, holding a pillow fight with himself and several other things, before disappearing into the bathroom. He comes back out, wearing slippers and towels wrapped around his chest and quills]
Sonic: Good times.
[We hear the sound of someone farting, which obviously was Sonic.]
Tom: Oh, come on. That's awful, what did you eat?
Sonic: I think it's called a "chili dog".
Tom: (lying down) You might wanna check your fur on that one, buddy.
[Sonic takes the improvised bathrobe off]
Tom: Hey, so, what's this next planet you're supposed to go to like?
Sonic: It's no Earth, I can tell you that. There's no people, just breathable air and giant mushrooms and stuff.
Tom: Well, look at it this way. At least, you won't be the only fungi.
Sonic: No. Don't ever do that again.
Tom: (chuckles) I liked it.
Sonic: (looking around, sad) I'm really gonna miss this place. I know I have to leave Earth to be safe, but what if Longclaw was wrong? Maybe I could have a life here...
[Tom looks at him and gets back up]
Tom: Alright… You should get some sleep.
Sonic: You sleep. Don't worry about me. I'm gonna stay up all night, enjoying Earth while I can.
[Tom puts his ice pack away. On the television, we see that a news broadcast is playing]
Tom: Sure, kid. As long as we're on the road by eight.
[As he turns back around, he sees that Sonic is fast asleep, snoring and mumbling. Tom walks over to him and tucks him in. How nice. He looks onto Sonic's bucket list and sees a lot of stripes. Stripes and one item left open. "Make A Real Friend". He looks back to the TV, when his name comes up and a headline reads "Manhunt Underway For Rogue Police Officer"]
Reporter: ...Tom Wachowski, accused of committing an act of domestic terrorism. Wachowski is considered armed and dangerous. Any information regarding his whereabouts should be reported to the local authorities immediately.
[The next day, Robotnik's team has arrived at the Piston Pit. Two glaziers are replacing the broken window while Agent Stone interrogates the thug from earlier. The thug is wearing a neck brace]
Agent Stone: (holding up a photo of Tom) Did he say where he was going?
[The thug grabs the photo and takes a closer look]
Roundhouse Thug: Maybe, maybe not. (handing it back) Like I'd ever tell you.
[Robotnik pushes his colleague aside]
Dr. Robotnik: Stand down, Agent Stone. This well-meaning citizen obviously doesn't understand the urgency of the matter.
[The thug stands up]
Roundhouse Thug: Really?
[Robotnik smiles and flings him straight through the new window. Both he and Stone leave the restaurant]
Dr. Robotnik: Now, that's what I call "good cop, bad cop".
[Stone holds up his hand for an high five, only for Robotnik to punch him in the gut]
Dr. Robotnik: Hoy!
[Robotnik walks away as Stone gets back up]
Dr. Robotnik: Left yourself open.
[Every the loyal employee, Stone follows his boss to the truck]
Dr. Robotnik: Judging by the quickest route to San Francisco, the approximate speed of their vehicle, local weather conditions... (pushes buttons) They should be... right about... here.
[We get a visual on the screen of Tom's car]
Agent Stone: That's brilliant, sir.
Dr. Robotnik: Thanks. (under his breath) For nothing...
[Tom's Toyota passes the border to California]
Sonic: So, what's on your bucket list?
Sonic: Yeah. Everyone has a bucket list, right?
Tom: Well, sure, but... I mean, you're the one leaving Earth and… I'm not planning on dying anytime soon.
Sonic: Oh-ho-ho, don't be so sure. Your best friend is a magnet for danger.
Tom: Oh, already appointing yourself as the bestie.
Tom: Little presumptuous, but... I mean… What? No, I-I like you, of course, but... y'know, we're not best friends.
Sonic: You tucked me in last night.
Sonic: Fine, fine, fine. Best animal friends.
Tom: That would be my dog Ozzy.
Sonic: Okay, let's just drop this increasingly humiliating topic of conversation. Bucket list, give it to me!
Tom: Okay, there is one thing. In Green Hills, I've always felt... I don't know, more like a babysitter than a real cop, y'know? So, I want a chance to prove myself, under real pressure. I'm gonna move to San Francisco, become a street cop. And… I don't know, see if I have what it takes.
[He looks over to Sonic, his face is frozen in disbelief at what he just heard]
Tom: What? Wh-Why is your face doing that?
Sonic: You're leaving Green Hills?!
Sonic: B-B-But why? Why would you leave Green Hills?
Tom: This may be hard for you to understand, but Green Hills is a small town. It's a very small town.
Sonic: Uh, it's not small. There are hundreds of people.
Tom: That's a small town, dude.
Sonic: It's a perfect town and the people need you!
Tom: Please, I clean out their gutters, I jump-start their cars in the winter. They could call anybody to do that.
Sonic: Sure, they can call anybody, but they don't. They call you.
[Tom directs his attention back onto the road. In Robotnik's mobile lab, the doctor raises his arms as several holographic images are turned on. The mastermind stands in the middle of them as the camera turns from upside down to rightside up. He looks at his screen, showing the view of a car on the road]
Dr. Robotnik: Hmm… Eeny, meeny, miny… mayhem!
[He selects his vehicle: a tank. After several other buttons are pushed, we cut back to the road Sonic and Tom are driving on where this tank enters the frame. A red lens is at the top of it, giving Robotnik a view of the battlefield]
Sonic: (standing on his seat) You're not making any sense!
Tom: Would you calm down?
Sonic: You come from a great town with great people and, by my count, zero bad guys trying to kill you!
[The tank is now straight behind Tom's Toyota]
Sonic: Besides, what could possibly be more important than protecting the people you care about?
[Robotnik presses another button. A pointy spear appears at the top of the mechanical monstrosity]
Tom: Look, I-I get...
[The shot is fired. The harpoon flies through the back window, the seats, straight into the Toyota's dashboard. Both Sonic and Tom let out startled yells and jump up. Tom tries to keep his car straight]
Dr. Robotnik: (raising his fist) Yeah!
[Tom shifts lanes and tries to maintain his distance from the tank, but the line tightens. A winch behind the firearm starts to reel the car in like a fish. Sonic is still upset]
Sonic: You know what?! I was wrong about you! You're not the Donut Lord at all! You're more, like, the Jerk Lord!
Tom: Have you noticed the harpoon stuck in our dash?!
[Tom hits the gas, but the spear maintains its grip. When the car slams against the guardrail, Sonic flies out of his seat. Through his side window, he lands onto the hood of the vehicle]
Sonic: (overrun with emotions, charging up) I was forced from my home! Your home is perfect and you're leaving it! Why would you do that?!
[The hedgehog starts to emit blue lightning, his irisses light up as well. Tom is startled]
Tom: Your body!
Sonic: Oh no, no, no, no! Not again!
Tom: Hey! Hold on!
Tom: Because I'm gonna do this!
[He floors it. The spear flies loose and shatters the window. Sonic flies off the hood and, as in a reflex, performs a spin dash into the pursuing vehicle, destroying it and flipping it onto its side. Tom hits the brake, turns around and drives back to the destroyed machine]
Tom: Sonic! Sonic!
[Sonic curls out of his ball form. He's a little dizzy, but is able to get back up on his feet]
Sonic: (grunting) Guess I had a bonus life...
[Editors note: To those who don't know what he's talking about OR if you played the games then there are 2 ways to get an extra life. 1. get 100 rings and 2. jump on a box that has a picture of your character.]
[He then sees the tank he wrecked and becomes excited again]
Sonic: Oh yeah, baby! Sonic, one! (doing the floss) Big tank, zero! I'm sorry, did we get that on camera?!
Tom: (relieved) How are you not dead?!
Sonic: I have no idea! (swaying back and forth) Do you see me dancing?!
Tom: Yes, I saw you dance...
Sonic: (to the tank) Is that all you got?!
Dr. Robotnik: No, but thank you for asking.
[Robotnik presses the holographic image several times and swipes the tank away, revealing a small, spider-like vehicle underneath it. The wheels of the tank are retracting, the camera shrinks in size]
Tom: (worried) Sonic! Get back in the truck!
Sonic: You go! I'll catch up!
[As the Tacoma reaches his normal speed, Sonic runs after it. He opens the door, gets back inside and sits down]
[The second phase is started; the spider truck speeds after them]
Sonic: I think that tank just had a baby... (wut)
[A hatch on top of the mechanical spider opens up. Several rotating discs are aimed at the car and fired towards it, skidding over the asphalt]
[Tom switches lanes. The disc flies over to the car in front of them. We briefly look inside. A dad is driving, while the mother does her make up and their two kids are fighting over what seems to be a tablet]
Son: It's my turn!
Daughter: You just had one!
Son: It's mine!
Dad: Hey, stop fighting or I'm taking that thing away!
Daughter: Yeah, right, Dad...
[The disc latches itself against the underside of the car and shorts it, causing the car to spin and its passengers to scream. When the spinning stops and Tom passes them, the boy holds out the tablet. Sonic, meanwhile, crawls out of the truck and into the cargo box]
Tom: Where you going?
Sonic: Just drive the car. I'll take care of this. (climbing onto the edge) And if I don't make it, just ditch me. You seem good at that.
[The spider fires more discs. Sonic runs over to them, grabs a disc, throws it at another one, uses two as skates while grabbed the remaining one. He lands on top of the robot and looks into the lens, his face appears on Robotnik's screen]
Sonic: Hey, everyone! Welcome back to my livestream! Today, we're destroying robots! Step one...
[Smack! He slaps the disc against the top of the spider. It shuts down and flies off the road and goes up in flames as Sonic gets back into the car]
Sonic: Yes, we did it!
[Not out of the woods yet, bruh. One of the wheels follows the car, controlled by a red-eyed device at the top of it]
Sonic: We did not do it. Who is this guy?
Dr. Robotnik: Ever wonder where your tax dollars are going?
Tom: My turn!
[Tom unlocks his seatbelt and crawls over to the backseat]
Tom: (to Sonic) Here. Just keep us going straight. I put in cruise control.
Sonic: (laughing) I feel just like Vin Diesel. It's all about family, Tom.
[Spikes shoot out of both sides of the tank wheel. The cop opens the door and tries to knock out the robot with a bat]
Sonic: Quick suggestion: roll up into a ball and smash him with your body.
Tom: (almost flying out of the car) Whoa! Where'd you learn how to drive?!
Sonic: (while reading the manual) Here, in this truck. It's happening as we speak.
[The robot still tries to puncture the tire]
Tom: I can't reach it! Bring him in closer!
Tom: Bring it in closer! Hit the brakes!
Sonic: Oh. You mean this one?
[Sonic hits the gas. Tom almost flies out of the truck again]
Tom: The other brakes!
[As the car slows down, the robot slams against the open door. Tom smiles and, with his bat, slams against the robot. It breaks down and slides to a stop]
Tom: (laughs) Whoo!
[Tom gets back inside. Robotnik is furious]
Dr. Robotnik: OHHH! (storming away) GIVE ME A BIG... FAT... (turning around) BREAK!
[A tiny drone emerges from the camera hole of the destroyed robot and flies after Tom's Toyota Tacoma. It catches up rather quickly and hovers outside Sonic's window. Said hedgehog takes note of the drone]
Sonic: Aw, this one is cute. (pointing) Let's keep 'em.
[However, the drone proves to be anything but cute, as it begins to saw into the car with a laser, sending sparks flying everywhere]
[The robot quickly saws around the hood of the car, reaching the front]
Tom: Oh, come on!
Sonic: How can something so adorable be so terrible?
[As the drone reaches Toms's window, he attempts to wave away the smoke and sparks. In seconds, the robot finishes circling the cab of the car]
Sonic: You've got car insurance, right?
[The roof of the car immediately flies off, and Tom and Sonic cry out as the roof lands on the road behind them. Now the drone flies back over to Sonic, who grabs it]
Sonic: Buzz off.
[He snaps the drone in half, only to find the base attached to his gloved hand. It starts to beep and blink rhythmically]
Sonic: That doesn't sound good.
Tom: No, beeping is bad! Get rid of it!
Sonic: I'm trying!
Tom: Just throw it out the win... Throw it anywhere!
[Sonic wildly waves his hand about to shake the bomb loose]
Sonic: I can't get it off!
Tom: Alright, I'm pulling over!
[He swings the car off-road onto a dirt path. Sonic dashes out of the car and desperately attempts to detach the bomb from his hand, even biting it. It is now attached to his head]
Sonic: Did I get it?
[Tom runs over with a cloth in his hand]
[Sonic cries out and tries to wipe the drone of his head]
Tom: Here, hold still.
[He uses the cloth to pluck the bomb off of Sonic's head, then flings it into the distance]
Sonic: It's going, it's going... it's...
[Tom raises his arms. We see that the bomb is now attached to Tom's hand]
Sonic: It's still here.
[He tries to shake it off, but Sonic grabs it, effectively getting it stuck on him again. The hedgehog attempts to use a screwdriver to pry it loose]
Sonic: Get off me!
[At last, he gets the bomb to stick to the screwdriver and lays it on a nearby rock. Sonic turns back to Tom]
Sonic: Ha ha! (holding up his hand) Nailed it!
[The bomb explodes, and the force knocks both Sonic and Tom to the ground. When the dust clears, Tom regains his consciousness. He looks over to Sonic, lying motionless in the dirt. The sheriff gets up]
[He runs towards his animal buddy and pulls him up. Sonic's still completely motionless]
Tom: No, no, no, no, no...
[Tom presses his ear against Sonic's chest to find a heartbeat. He looks around]
Tom: Hey. C'mon, you're all right. Wake up. Wake up.
[Robotnik leans onto his desk, heavily breathing in and out]
Agent Stone: Did we get 'em? (beat) Oh... No, there they are. They're real survivors, those two.
[Robotnik turns to face Stone in utter frustration]
Dr. Robotnik: Can we have a moment?
[Robotnik and Stone walk away from the monitor]
Dr. Robotnik: (to Stone) Pin yourself to the wall.
[Stone does so. Robotnik leans into Stone's private space, almost touching noses]
Dr. Robotnik: Do you know why I won't miss you when you're gone? Human beings are unreliable and stupid, and I care very little about them! But my machines are diligent, relentless... They're everything to me!
[Robotnik then notices something in Stone's interior coat pocket]
Dr. Robotnik: Hmm?
[He reaches into the pocket to discover that Stone had been holding onto the quill from Tom's house the whole time, just like Robotnik asked. It is lighting up again. He pulls it out and examines it]
Dr. Robotnik: 面白い。
[Editor's note: It's spoken as "omoshiroi", which is Japanese for "interesting", which is shown in text below this scene. It can also mean enjoyable and favorable all of which apply.]
[Robotnik looks at it for a few more seconds, then tries tasting the quill, only for it to shock him. He then offers Agent Stone a taste of the quill, which he abruptly declines. The topless Toyota then arrives at a house in San Francisco, as to be observed through the appearance of the Golden Gate Bridge. Tom parks his car and grabs out of the backseat, obscured by a sheet]
Tom: C'mon, buddy. You're gonna be all right… You'll be all right.
[Tom walks open to the porch and knocks onto the door. Rachel opens it]
[Editor's note: This following scene is a little hazy, considering a lot of people are talking and yelling at the same time. My apologies if there is something missing]
Tom: Is Maddie at home? No, it's an emer...
Rachel: (overshouting him) No, no, no! Not today! Goodbye! Bye-bye!
[Rachel tries to close the door, but Tom leans against the wood to get in]
Tom: No, stop! Don't do this!
Tom: This is important!
[Maddie appears behind her sister]
Maddie: No! Oh, my God... (to Rachel) Let him in!
[Tom steps into the hall]
Rachel: I am calling the police! No, I am calling the FBI! I am calling the CIA!
Tom: Shut up!
Rachel: I am… I am calling your mother!
Maddie: Okay, got it!
Tom: Maddie, can we just...
Maddie: Tom, what is going on? You're all over the news, I've been trying to call you...
Tom: I've ditched my phone, so they couldn't track me.
[Rachel's daughter, JoJo, also appears in the hall]
JoJo: Uncle Tommy!
[She hugs him, but Rachel pulls her daughter away from Tom]
Rachel: Now your niece is an accessory to treason! Are you happy?!
Maddie: Would you calm down?
Rachel: Calm down?!
Maddie: Enough. Enough!
Rachel: I will not calm down!
[Ozzy then appears as well, running straight to his boss. It starts to bark loudly]
Tom: Yes, calm down! Stop talking! (to Ozzy) No, no, Ozzy. Please.
Rachel: (looking at the thing Tom's holding) Oh, little lord baby Jesus… What is that, Tom?! Is it plutonium?! Is it emails?!
Tom: (sarcastically) Yes, it's plutonium. (to Maddie) Could we please… Could we just go to your room and… (to his dog) Stop it, Ozzy! Quit it!
Rachel: This is why I told you he was no good!
Maddie: I'm… I'm not engaging.
[As the sisters continue to quarrel, Ozzy starts to pull at the sheet]
Tom: Ozzy, quit it! No, Ozzy! No, no, no!
[The sheet is pulled away, both sisters and JoJo see Sonic]
Rachel: (fainting) Oh, catch me, JoJo...
[Rachel falls onto the floor. Tom breathes a sigh of relief. Maddie holds her niece by her shoulders]
Tom: Oh, thank God! (chuckles nervously) Can I get a glass of water?
[In the mobile lab, we see that Robotnik puts some headphones on. He scrolls through his playlists. "Robotnik Rhythms", "Everybody Wants To Rule The World", "Crush 40", and picks "Tunes Of Anarchy". The song Where Evil Grows by The Poppy Family starts playing. Robotnik spins around in his chair, clearly enjoying himself. At his workplace, a mechanical claw is holding the quill. The doctor grabs it, pushes some buttons on a nearby computer to prepare a power tube, before grabbing a pair of jumper cables and attaching them to the blue thing. It shorts the lab. The doctor comes back into frame, holding a lighter and searches for the fuses. He opens a metal box on the wall. "Self Destruct", "Badniks"... Ah, "Evil Lab". He reactivates the lights, closes the lighter and starts the music back up. The doctor starts to dance as the quill is put into the tube by the mechanical arm. "Sample Detected". Robotnik then goes all-in, activating a holographic display behind him. The image of a snowy hill is displayed and he pretends to ski down from it. "Measuring Quill Energy". The image has now made room for a T-Rex, which "chases" after the doctor. He pretends to run, before throws his headphones off. He turns around and lowers his head, it looks just like if the dino had bitten it off. Lights start to flicker and the dance continues. The doctor turns again and spreads his coat. At the next lyric, he sways back and forth. "Finalizing Energy Measurement". As Robotnik does... the Robot, Stone appears behind him, trying to a catch a groove as well. The doctor yells when he sees his associate]
Agent Stone: (holding out cups of coffee) I just thought you might like a latte with steamed Austrian goat milk.
Dr. Robotnik: What do I look like, an imbecile? Of course I want a latte. (grabs a cup) I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE THEM!
[A few beeps are heard. Robotnik and Stone run over to the power tube. "Power Analysis: Unlimited" is displayed above it]
Dr. Robotnik: Ready the prototype...
[We zoom in on the flying machine from the opening]
Dr. Robotnik (vo): With this kind of power, my machines can finally reach their full potential...
[We cut back to Sonic, lying on the kitchen table. Both Tom and JoJo are standing next to him]
Tom: He's gonna be okay, JoJo. (as Maddie walks to him) Oh, thank God. He's gonna be okay, right?
Maddie: I'm a vet, Tom. I don't even know what I'm looking at here.
Tom: Well, he's a hedgehog. Or, so he says...
Maddie: It talks?
Tom: Almost constantly.
[The veternerian holds Sonic's wrist. With her watch, Maddie tries to determine the hedgehog's pulse]
Maddie: Its pulse is super fast.
Tom: Well, that actually might be normal for him. I don't know. You gotta help him, Maddie.
Maddie: I don't know his physiology, but he doesn't seem to have any broken bones. He's just… really banged up.
[JoJo, meanwhile, is looking at Sonic's rundown shoes as Maddie takes them off]
Maddie: Oh, look at his poor little feet...
[The girl gets hold of the shoes, looking at the holes in them]
Tom: Hang in there, buddy. You're gonna be all right.
[JoJo leaves the room. She passes her mother, who has been tied to a chair]
Rachel: JoJo? Untie your mot... JoJo! (saccharine) Untie Mommy.
[But the little girl ignores her and walks up the stairs]
Rachel: Sweetie? Jojo?! (to herself) I have to go to the bathroom...
Tom: He's gonna be okay, right?
Tom: Like, he's... will snap out of this. He'll wake up soon?
Tom: Oh, smelling salts. Don't you have, like, vet smelling salts, like for cats or... parakeets or something?
Maddie: No, t-they don't make cat smelling salts.
Tom: They should.
Maddie: I have human smelling salts in my human first aid kit.
[She unzips the kit and grabs a vial containing smelling salts]
[She breaks it and holds it by Sonic's nose]
Tom: Come on, buddy.
[The hedgehog's eyes fly open. He gets back up]
Sonic: Gotta go fast!
[He aimlessly speeds through the room, until he stops at the kitchen table, looking back at Tom]
Sonic: Where am I? What year is it? Is The Rock President?
Tom: Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy. You're okay? Calm down.
[Sonic then sees Maddie]
Sonic: (smiling) Oh, hi, Pretzel Lady.
Maddie: (stunned) Hi... (to her husband) Tom?
Maddie: Can I talk to you, please?
[Maddie pulls her partner out of the room. Sonic watches on from the counter]
Maddie: Space hedgehog, stay there. (closing the doors) Try to rest.
Sonic: You got it. I'm great at rest...
[When the doors are closed, Sonic's quips are slightly muted, but it is clear he's still jammering on. Tom tries to pass it off as a joke]
Tom: (chuckles, pointing at the door) Still talking.
Maddie: Uh, first of all, can we take a moment to acknowledge how under control I've been?
Tom: Uh, amazing.
Maddie: Didn't freak out...
Maddie: Totally calm.
[They do a fist bump (for real, this time)]
Tom: Thank you.
Maddie: Ah... (breathes in and out) Second of all… (loses it) What the heck is going on? Is that thing an alien?!
Tom: (lower volume) Okay, so… Remember how Crazy Carl is always going on about the Blue Devil?
Maddie: (in tandem) The Blue Devil? That's him? He's real?
Maddie: What is he doing here? What are you doing here?
Tom: I... kinda-sorta… shot our little blue friend with your tranq gun.
Maddie: No, you did not...
Tom: I-I didn't mean to. Okay, this is kinda hard for me to explain… and it's gonna sound a little bit crazy. He has to get to the Transamerican Building and I'd promised I'd take him.
Rachel: Uh-uh! Aliens? Maddie, your husband's lost his mind. Can use this as an opportunity to leave him. No one would judge you!
[The smiling girl walks back into the room where Sonic is in. She holds something behind her back. She shows the hedgehog her gift: a pair of brand new red-and-white shoes]
JoJo: So you won't hurt your feet anymore.
[She hands them over to her new friend. Sonic is flattered and a little bit emotional]
Sonic: No one's ever given me a gift before. I gotta check that off my bucket list.
[The smiling hedgehog puts his new footwear. He does a stationary run for a bit, as well as a little dance]
Sonic: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! All right, looking good!
[JoJo laughs too. Meanwhile, Maddie seems to have taken a decision]
Maddie: Okay... You've said you wanted to help people in real trouble, right? Well, that's what you're doing. And blue alien hedgehogs still count as people, right?
Tom: I think so too. I think.
Tom: I love you. Did I tell you that already? (as Maddie pushes him away) I don't deserve you. You know that?
Rachel: (deadpan) I know that.
[In the kitchen, Sonic is staring at something]
Sonic: So… You're supposed to be Tom's best friend that he won't shut up about.
[He is talking to Ozzy]
Sonic: Well, I don't see the appeal.
[The chill dog then start to lick the hedgehog's face. See what I did there? I'm not sorry]
Sonic: (chuckling) Stop, that is very gross.
[JoJo giggles. Maddie steps down the staircase while Tom re-enters the house. He'd been checking his car]
Tom: So, my truck still runs, but it's pretty much totalled. You think your sister would mind if we borrowed her car?
Rachel: (in the other room) You have got to be kidding me.
Maddie: She'll be fine.
Tom: Yeah. Let's do that.
[They run out of frame]
Rachel: THIS IS MY HOUSE!
[Rachel's car is driven shakily over the road. The front of it is slightly damaged. We hear Sonic's voice, filled with excitement]
Sonic (vo): Coming through! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Now, this is my turn and I'd pull around here! Sorry! And… perfect park!
Bystander (vo): What are you, crazy?!
Tom: There anything you didn't hit?
Maddie: Why did we let the alien drive?
Sonic: Hey, I got us here. And please, five stars.
[He quickly speeds out of the car, stopping next to his friends]
Sonic: So, this is it?
Tom: That's it. That's your pyramid.
Sonic: Wow! Look at that thing.
Maddie: What happens now?
[Sonic speeds away]
Maddie: Oh. He's gone.
[But the hedgehog quickly comes back]
Sonic: No good. You need a special key to get to the roof.
Maddie: What now?
Tom: Time for me to abuse the power entrusted to me.
[Maddie looks over to Tom, empuzzled. They then both walk into the building while Sonic hides himself in a sports bag. He zips it up as the couple walks to the reception]
Tom: We got a jumper on the roof. (showing his badge) Gotta get up there fast or we have a human pancake on our hands.
Female Desk Worker: Y-You came all the way from Montana?
Tom: Yep. That's how serious it is.
[The receptionis looks over to Maddie, before she hands Tom a key card to the roof]
Female Desk Worker: Okay.
Tom: (holding the card) You just saved a life.
[They make it to an elevator. Two business people appear alongside them, looking at their phones]
Sonic (vo): How much longer? I can't breathe in here.
[The business woman looks at the bag]
Sonic (vo): Hello? Anybody there?
Business Woman: (looking at Tom) Do you have your child in that bag?
Tom: No. I mean, yes. It's a child, but it's not mine. (Wow nice job. T_T)
Business Man: It's not your child?
Tom: Relax. I'm a cop, okay? Plus, he likes it in there. Don't you, buddy?
Sonic (vo): Why would I like it in here? This is worse than the dog cage you had me in earlier.
Tom: (smiling) Such a kidder.
[Maddie laughs too, but the two outsiders are clearly not at ease]
Maddie: (closes the zipper) Hmm, okay...
Sonic (vo): No, I'm scared in the dark.
[The business people slowly back away from this scene]
Sonic (vo): Is anybody there?
[We cut to the top of the building. Tom and Maddie enter through a door, while the cop opens a bag. Sonic pops out, gasping for breath and having a pair of underpants stuck on his forehead]
Sonic: (coughing dramatically) Oh... What were you keeping in this bag?! (taking the cloth off his head) A jar of pickled farts?!
Tom: Alright, alright… What are we looking for?
[Sonic speeds to the end of the platform. He grabs his pouch, runs back and shows Tom one of the rings]
Maddie: Okay... What happens now?
Sonic: Now, all I have to do is think of where I want the other end of the ring to appear and... I throw it.
Tom: So, that's it? We did it?
Sonic: Yeah, we did it.
Tom: Hey... Sorry we didn't get to do everything on your bucket list, pal.
Sonic: It's okay. I did the ones I needed the most.
Maddie: You two are so cute, like...
Tom: Oh... Please, what?
Sonic: We are not.
Tom: No, we're not cute.
Sonic: We are a couple of loose cannons, just livin' by our own rules.
Sonic: And our rules include expressing heartfelt emotions.
Maddie: If you say so.
Sonic: Okay then.
Tom: Alright... Um, you gotta go, right?
Sonic: Yeah, yeah, I gotta go.
Tom: I gotta go. You… We gotta go too.
Sonic: So, alright… Bye-bye.
[Sonic takes a few steps away from his new friends. He looks sad as he turns back around]
Sonic: Just... one more thing.
[Tom walks to Sonic and gets on one knee to make eye contact]
Sonic: I'm sorry I was so hard on you. I know it's a tough decision for you to leave Green Hills. Walking away from something you care about… has to be painful.
Tom: You're not sure you really wanna go, huh?
Sonic: I don't wanna go. But I can't stay. As long as I'm here, I put everyone in danger. I can't do that. (smiling at Tom) I just want you to know that these last two days have been the best two days of my life.
[The cop gets back up and walks to his wife]
Tom: You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually gonna miss you, you little blue devil.
Sonic: I'll miss you too, Donut Lord. Thank you.
Tom: For what?
Sonic: For saving my life.
[He fishes a ring out of his pouch, which he has strapped around his shoulder like a fanny pack. He throws it, expecting it to open a portal to the mushroom planet. However, it bounces of one of Robotnik's drones and falls down. A number of them begin to surround our three heroes]
Sonic: Okay, did someone leave their 'Find My Phone' on?
[More drones surround them, almost causing Sonic to fall off the ledge. The flying machine appears: the Eggmobile. The hood slides open, showing Dr. Robotnik is at the controls, wearing a more game-accurate red-and-black suit]
Dr. Robotnik: Welcome to San Francisco, Mr Wachowski. Are you enjoying the clam chowder?
Tom: (to Maddie) It's the government wack job who keeps trying to kill us. (to Robotnik) Unsuccessfully! Nice for you to swing by on your way to Comic-Con.
Maddie: Yeah, what are you wearing?
Dr. Robotnik: (looks at his own outfit) It's a flight suit. Designed to modulate my body temperature and reduce drag. (he speaks that last word through gritted teeth)
Tom: Yeah. And yet, you still are one.
Dr. Robotnik: Ho ho! Good one! You are catching fire, Thomas. Oh, and speaking of heat, I see you've taken a lover.
[Maddie glares at the doctor]
Dr. Robotnik: Does she have a name, or should we just call her "Collateral Damage"? (oh snap you've done it now)
[The dangerous doctor laughs and slams against the rims of his ship]
Tom: Hey, watch your mouth. Unless you want a little more of what I gave you earlier? (to his wife) I punched him in the face.
Sonic: (ecstatic) Oh, he punched him right in the face. It was awesome!
Dr. Robotnik: (enraged at having that moment being held over his head) The time for talking is over! (through gritted teeth) It's time to push buttons.
Sonic: (confident) Your flying eggs are pretty impressive, Mr Eggman. But let's face it, you'll never catch me.
Dr. Robotnik: (nodding) Confidence... A fool's substitute for intelligence.
[He opens the hatch of a button, which supercharges the quill he has obtained. "Prepping Quill Energy" appears on a readout. All of the drones surrounding the heroes simultaneously open their flaps to attack mode]
Sonic: (looking around) That's not good.
Tom: Uh... Sonic? I know you've got the super speed and everything, but Maddie and I...
Sonic: Totally defenseless? Probably gonna get blown up?
Maddie: Pretty much, yeah.
Sonic: Don't worry. I know exactly what to do.
[He suddenly bolts toward the wall behind them, then toward them, pushing Tom and Maddie off the roof. Both of them scream as they're falling down the building. Robotnik looks down at them in surprise, then sits back. He can't believe Sonic did that]
Dr. Robotnik: I was not expecting that. (shrugging) But I was expecting not to expect something, so it doesn't count.
[All of the drones open fire at Sonic, but they slow down and stop, just as they're about to hit the hedgehog. We've re-entered Sonic's realm of speed. This time, Kelly Finnigan's Catch Me I'm Falling begins as we quickly see Maddie and Tom falling and Robotnik reaching out to push the red button (the frozen look on his face is pricelessly hilarious), while Sonic does his well known idle animation. He waves some of the rockets out of the way, grabs two of them and drums down the bullets flying towards him (the sound produces another SEGA easter egg). As Sonic dismantles the drones, Robotnik's finger inches closer and closer to the button. When he presses it, the music stops as the Eggmobile is charged up and flies straight upwards. Just as Sonic pushes two of the drones around so that they will fire at each other...]
Sonic: (doing finger gun gestures) Pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew, pew...
[...the machine flies back down and pulls out a laser. Sonic's eyes widen in horror as it is fired. He tries to get out of the way, but the beam blasts him out of his bullet time. When he regains consciousness, he sees Tom and Maddie, quickly coming closer and closer to the concrete below. Sonic, surrounded by his scattered rings, screams and tries to grab one of them, which is just out of his reach]
Sonic: Come on! (air swimming) Come! Come, come, come, come, come! (reaching) Come on, come on, come on!
[The hedgehog then, in a moment of quick thinking, pulls out one of his quills. He fishes the ring out of the air and finds his footing. While running down the Pyramid, he throws the ring, teleporting the two falling people back to Green Hills, flying sideways into an open barn]
Sonic: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
[Sonic skids, falls down a tree and lands on the sidewalk. Crashing and clattering sounds of all kinds are heard as rings, broken drones and rubble fall down around him. The owner of the farm then sees Tom, lying in a haystack with his wife]
Farmer: Oh... Hi, Tom. Glad you're here, could use some help. Old Bessie is about to give birth.
[A cow is heard mooing in the background]
Tom: (breathing heavily) Give me a minute...
[Sonic shakes his head to get his bearings. Robotnik's machine has lowered to the same level]
Dr. Robotnik: Can I give you one genius piece of advice? Don't run. It'll only hurt more if you do. And it's bad for your joints, they've proved it.
Sonic: (determined) All right, Eggman. You wanna get fast? Let's get fast!
[He quickly scrambles around to collect his rings and runs away. Robotnik puts his goggles on]
Dr. Robotnik: The hard way, it is.
[His Eggmobile charges after the target. Running through the streets of San Francisco, Robotnik fires his laser constantly, but they miss due to Sonic's agility]
Dr. Robotnik: (grunts) That was an illegal left, by the way!
[Eventually, we reach the scene that started the movie. The footage freezes once more]
Sonic (vo): So, here we are again. We've been through so much together. Now you understand why there's a psychotic robot doctor chasing a supersonic blue hedgehog. Wanna know how it ends? Yeah, me too.
[The chase continues. The hedgehog calls upon his ability to do Super Smash Bros. poses and then slides under a tourist bus with a Paris ad plastered over it. Robotnik blows through it. Sonic, still at the lead, fishes a ring out of the pouch]
Sonic: How is this possible? No one's ever caught up to me before...
[We cut to Paris. A mother and daughter are looking at a mime, because of course they do. The child seems particularly uninterested, until the mime makes a circle with his arms, revealing the ring portal Sonic just made]
Sonic: Coming through!
[The hedgehog speeds down Nob Hill and through the ring, passing the three occupants. The mime ducks]
[Robotnik follows afterwards]
Dr. Robotnik: Excusez-moi, monsieur. [Editor's note: That's French for "Excuse me, sir!"]
[He chuckles. Another portal opens on the Great Wall of China. Both Sonic and Robotnik fly through it]
Sonic: Here we go. Room to open it up!
[The Eggmobile swirls around, but Robotnik is still able to keep up, even though the blue hedgehog jumps around and runs along the walls of the passage. Sonic quickly throws out a third ring, leading them to Egypt]
Sonic: I can't lose him.
[Lasers cause the sand to fly up. As Robotnik destroys the Great Sphinx, Sonic skids in the sand, he has an idea]
Sonic: If you can't beat 'em, blind 'em.
[He swirls around the plain of sand, circling Robotnik's machine. A sandstorm flies up, blinding Robotnik]
Dr. Robotnik: Lost... visual... contact!
[But then he sees Sonic, running up the edge of the Giza Pyramid]
Dr. Robotnik: You're not allowed up there! It's one of the Seven Wonders!
[He speeds out of the slowly-clearing tornado. Just as Sonic throws out another ring, Robotnik activates his laser again, blowing Sonic through the portal. In Green Hills, where it has become night, the other end opens, quickly drawing the attention of two dining bystanders, and Sonic falls through it, landing on the asphalt, ruffled and defeated. His ring pouch slides along the road, out of the creature's reach. Robotnik's hovercraft slowly, ominously emerges through the portal before it closes, towering over Sonic. Several people quickly realize the danger and run to get off the street. Tom, Maddie and the farmer appear on the scene]
Dr. Robotnik: (laughing, lifting his goggles) You're an astonishing little creature.
[Sonic's eyes briefly open. Tom discovers and grabs the ring pouch]
Dr. Robotnik: It'll be fun to take you back to the lab for a litany of invasive exploratory procedures. Any last words?
Sonic: (lightly lifting his head) Guac… I like that word...
[Sonic slumps back down. A portal is opened up behind the doctor, revealing Tom, who carefully jumps onto the back of the machine]
Dr. Robotnik: (unaware of Tom) I don't have to tell you how many scientific breakthroughs have been made possible by animal testing. You're being very selfish.
Tom: Going my way?
Dr. Robotnik: What the...
[The cop finishes a "Hey You" haymaker and punches his adversary in the face once again, knocking the goggles of his head. They have a brief scuffle until Robotnik grabs Tom's arms]
Dr. Robotnik: (in the most Joker-esque manner possible) Who the hell do you think you are?!
[Tom breaks free, dishes out another hit and pins the doctor down to the dashboard]
Tom: (embracing his inner hero) I'm the Donut Lord, you son of a...
[But Robotnik fights back. He knocks out Tom and tilts his vehicle, causing the sheriff to fall of it]
Dr. Robotnik: (putting his goggles back on his forehead) Auto pilot, adjust.
[The hovercraft recalibrates itself. Maddie rushes to her husband, who groans as he gets back up]
Dr. Robotnik: Why?! Why would you throw your life away for this… thing?! That's why I don't have friends. Next thing you know, you're somebody's best man, they wanna have the wedding outta town, like nobody has anything better to do. Anyway, where were we? Oh, yes... You were about to die.
[A shot is fired at Robotnik's ship. We cut to Wade, holding out his gun]
Wade: That's our sheriff you're messing with.
[He's joined by Crazy Carl, holding a chainsaw, and a few other townsfolk]
Crazy Carl: And our Blue Devil. (lifting the active saw) Who, as everyone can see, is a very real creature, and not at all invented by me!
[Wade lightly pushes the chainsaw away with the end of his gun, startling Carl for a bit]
Wade: (uncomfortable) Just...
Crazy Carl: Oh!
Wade: Just put it away, just...
[Maddie looks over to Sonic]
[Tom follows his wife's gaze. Sonic lies still on the asphalt, he appears to be dead. Tom seems sad, defeated, until Robotnik breaks through the silence]
Dr. Robotnik: I don't mean to be indelicate here, but... someone should get some ice to keep the body fresh. (as Tom looks down) He's just a silly little alien. He didn't belong here!
[The sheriff stands up, defiantly turning to the doctor]
Tom: That little alien... knew more about being human... then you ever will. His name was Sonic. This was his home. And he was my friend.
[BAM! Sonic's eyes fly open, his irisses have turned blue again. Tom, Maddie and Robotnik look at him, the latter shielding his eyes. The hedgehog is standing back up. Lightning flies everywhere, but he seems to be able to control it now, he's charging up. As he opens his eyes again, Tom and Maddie both smile, before the former looks over to Robotnik]
Tom: (to Sonic) He's all yours.
[They get out of the way]
Tom: Everyone, get back!
[All of Green Hills' residents step away from the scene, safely out of Robotnik's line of fire]
Sonic: I think you have something that belongs to me.
[The hedgehog makes a fist, lightning flies from the Eggmobile to Sonic's fist. Robotnik struggles a bit, until the glass around the quill inside the machine breaks, disabling it]
Sonic: This is my power, and I'm not using it to run away anymore. I'm using it to protect... my... friends!
[Robotnik puts his goggles back on, Sonic's visage is reflected in them. Several rockets appear along the rims of the ship and laser pointers crawl over the asphalt, towards their target. Sonic gets down on his hands and knees, both of them are ready. After a moment, the doctor makes his move. The rockets fly away to Sonic, who evades them and launches himself against the Eggmobile. He reaches the accompanying wall, bounces off it and attacks again. He goes on and on, ricocheting around the ship in a haze of blue. Eventually, he slides back to his starting position. The Eggmobile is severly damaged]
Dr. Robotnik: Ah, ooh… Oh... Now you've done it!
Sonic: Guess what, Eggman?! I'm not leaving Earth! You are! (to Tom) Donut Lord?
[The man nods and sprints around the battlefield. Tom fishes another ring out of the pouch and throws it, opening a new portal. Both Sonic and Robotnik speed towards each other. Sonic, in his ball form, hurls himself against the nose of the ship, completely wrecking it. The impulse causes the doctor and his device to fly through the ring, to the mushroom planet. Robotnik screams as the portal closes. Sonic's powers gradually dim down and the lightning disappears. The crowd cheers. Tom and Maddie run back to their friend]
Tom: Told you, you got this...
Sonic: Hey, we got this.
[Tom holds up his hand. Sonic, overjoyed, circles around, laughs, jumps up and gives his friend a high-five. Tom holds out the bag of rings]
Tom: I think these belong to you.
Sonic: Thank you very much.
[Tom unexpectedly holds the bag back]
Tom: No more pushing people off of buildings.
Sonic: You know I can't promise that.
[Tom gives the rings back]
Tom: You did pretty good, Spacehog.
Sonic: Thanks, Donut Lord.
Maddie: You're gonna have to explain this Donut Lord thing.
Tom: No, sorry. That's for me and the little guy, right?
[Maddie laughs, Sonic nods]
Tom: We got our thing. You've got your thing with your… sister.
Maddie: (has a realization) Oh, my God. My sister...
[We cut back to Rachel, still tied to her chair, certainly not amused. JoJo circles around her, imitating Sonic]
JoJo: Gotta go fast, gotta go fast, gotta go fast...
Rachel: (pouting) JoJo, put on my FitBit. I can at least get some steps.
[Back to Green Hills]
Maddie: We can never go back there.
Tom: I mean, are we? 'Cause it kind of feels we're home right now.
Tom: (to Sonic) I kind of feel like I checked the "Save A Life" box of my bucket list. (to Maddie) Now all I wanna do is spend my life with the people I care about. I wanna check that box.
Maddie: Okay. I'd like that.
Wade: Alright, everybody. Nothing to see here. Disperse. Just an ordinary day in Green Hills. Carl, I'll take that chainsaw.
[Tom, Maddie and Sonic walk away]
Wade (vo): Come on, let's go! You act like you've never seen a fight between an intergalactic space rodent and a robot with a doctorate.
[Fade to black. We then cut to the next day. A piano cover of the Green Hills Theme, courtesy of Jon Baptiste, plays in the background while Tom and Maddie are painting their house, probably to cover up the damage Robotnik had caused earlier]
Tom: You got enough there?
Maddie: Yes. I just...
[Tom holds out his paint roller, playfully pretending he's going to get some paint on Maddie!]
Tom: Need any more?
Maddie: (backing away) You… Get that away. Oh.
[They both continue to paint, until someone is heard knocking on the door. Tom opens it, it's Vice Chairman Walters, holding his hat under his arm]
Vice Chairman Walters: Mr and Mrs Wachowski?
[The officer pulls an envelope out of his uniform]
Vice Chairman Walters: A token of appreciation from your government. For keeping quiet about recent incidents, which never occured.
[The couple laughs while Walters hands the envelope over]
Tom: Wow! Wonder what it is...
Maddie: Money to fix the house?
Tom: Letter from the President?
Vice Chairman Walters: You'll see.
[He opens it up to find… an Olive Garden gift card. "To The Wachowskis, from Uncle Sam". It's worth fifty bucks, though, so that's something]
Maddie: Olive Garden?
Vice Chairman Walters: Hmm.
Tom: Yeah… (chuckles) The way you said "you'll see", uh, made me think it was something better than the things we said.
Vice Chairman Walters: Have you tried their Never Ending Pasta Bowl? It never ends.
Tom: Makes sense... Fancy.
Maddie: Mhmm, mhmm… Well, thank you. We appreciate the gesture.
[Walters takes a step away, about to leave]
Tom: Oh hey, I guess we can close the file on that Robotnik guy, huh? He... just disappeared.
Vice Chairman Walters: I'm sorry, but, uh... no such person exists, or ever has existed.
Tom: (to Maddie) I wish that were true...
Vice Chairman Walters: You haven't, by any chance, been in contact with a certain… alien creature since the incident, have you? Uncle Sam would love to have a chat with him. Very casual. Brunch, perhaps.
[After a moment of silence...]
Tom: Oh, you mean the little blue guy?
Vice Chairman Walters: Hmm.
Tom: No. No, nothing. Doubt we'll ever hear from him again.
[Maddie throws out some hmm's to back up her partner]
Vice Chairman Walters: Very well.
Tom: Okay... Thank you.
Vice Chairman Walters: Hmm...
Tom: (while closing the door) Yep.
[Walters tries to peek inside as the door is closed. The couple walks back to their living room]
Tom: To be honest, I'm pretty pumped about the pasta bowl.
[Maddie laughs and Sonic jumps out of his hiding place behind the couch]
Sonic: So, do you guys wanna watch a movie or what?
Maddie: Sorry, buddy. It's a school night. It's time for you to go back to your cave.
Sonic: What? (hops onto the couch, next to Ozzy) It's three in the afternoon!
Tom: You know how you get when you're tired. C'mon.
Sonic: Me? (walking to the door) I'm not like anything. Ah, you guys are so uncool...
Tom: Yeah, yeah, we know.
Tom: Hey, buddy. Where are you going?
Sonic: You said I have to go back to my cave.
Tom: We did.
[Upstairs, Tom opens the hatchet to the attic. Sonic, standing on the stair, looks through it to find that all his belongings were brought over to it]
Sonic: (endearing, looking around) Oh, my… Are you kidding me? I can't believe it... How did you… It's... It's all here...
[Maddie and Tom join the little guy upstairs. Sonic, absolutely bursting with joy, looks through his new bedroom]
Sonic: Look at this! Are you kidding? (jumping through the porthole) And the beanbag?! No way! Oh-ho-ho! How did you even get this… And you got it all the way over... Oh! (laughing, doing the floss on his new bed) I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it!
[As Sonic lands onto his back, Maddie and Tom down next to their friend]
Maddie: Well, welcome home.
Sonic: Thank you… so much.
[Tom embraces them as the camera pans away from the new family. We hear that Ozzy has found a way upstairs as well, indicated by his barking]
Sonic (vo): Oh no, you don't. No second best animal friends allowed in my room. Wait, what are you doing? (licking sounds) Stay away from me. (laughing) Stop it! I'm warning you, I've got nunchucks! Okay, stop! Okay, you can stay!
[A beautiful sunset pans over the how as the movie's logo appears again, just like at the opening. Afterwards, we're shown a mid-credits scene. On the mushroom planet, we see how Robotnik shaves his head bald with a piece of shrapnel. His face is reflected in a puddle of water]
Dr. Robotnik: My grasp on sanity remains absolute.
[He looks to his right and we see that he is a different man. His mustache has become longer, more curly and orange and his nose red (possibly due to a bruising or something). A standard Eggman look]
Dr. Robotnik: Isn't that right, Agent Stone?
[He's talking to Stone, all right. A literal stone, with Stone's face carved into it, reminiscent of Wilson in Cast Away. Robotnik picks up the rock. As we zoom out, we see that he has gained some weight]
Dr. Robotnik: Why don't you get a headstart?
[He throws the rock away]
Dr. Robotnik: Do some rock-connaissance! (laughs, looking around, raspy voice) Rock-connaissance! Come on, that's hilarious! (punches a nearby mushroom) What's the matter with you?!
[He grabs his LCD armstrap, now a small computer reading "Doctor's Log: Day 87", off the ground]
Dr. Robotnik: Here's the sitch… Uninhabited planet.
[He picks up the remains of his Eggmobile, strapped together with a healthy amount of mushrooms on top]
Dr. Robotnik: No resources, no supplies. (hoists the load on his back) No apparent way home. (chuckles) A lesser man would die here.
[Robotnik lifts the tube containing Sonic's quill, still bursting with energy]
Dr. Robotnik: I'll be home by Christmas...
[He puts his glasses on, does his robot act...]
Dr. Robotnik: Zzt, zzt, zzt, zzt...
[...and paces forward as the camera pulls out, showing the sheer scope of the planet: mushrooms on top of mushrooms on top of mushrooms… Robotnik picks Stone back up and throws it further along the path, groaning]
Dr. Robotnik: Rock-connaissance! (crazy laughter) Come on, cheer up!
[The credits start to roll. The song Speed Me Up underscores an 16-bit montage of the events throughout the movie, containing several nods to the classic Sonic games. As Sonic whoops Robotnik, an explosion covers the screen, before we're shown another mid-credits scene. We pan over the litany of pine trees surrounding Green Hills. Then, several leaves are starting to levitate on the same cliff Sonic earlier stood on. A ring portal opens and something jumps through it, a yellow fox with two tails, wearing red and white shoes. It's Miles Prower, nicknamed Tails, looking at something on a device he's holding]
Tails: If these readings are accurate, he's here. (smiles) I found him. (determined) I just hope I'm not too late...
[He jumps off the cliff, before flying upwards with his whirling tails. He speeds to Green Hills, ending the movie and returning us to the credits]
[Editor's note: Tails is Sonic's sidekick and has debuted in 1992's Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Thanks for reading the script! :D]