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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Senior Discount" from season twelve, which aired on July 6, 2019.

Transcript

  • [The episode begins at the Krusty Krab.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [kisses some dollars] Hmm, I love you. [kisses some dollars] And I love you. [kisses some dollars] And I love you. [kisses some dollars and stuffs them in his pants] Heh—heh—heh. [money pops out from behind] And I love you too. Oooh. [laughs as money flies out of his pants and putting them in his shell] I tell ya, Mr. Squidward, today's been our [pulls down profit chart] best day of business in years. [pulls up profit chart] Yep, profits are so good, there's nothing that could possibly ruin this perfect—what?! No!
  • Squidward: [gets hit by SpongeBob's eye] Augh! [gets stepped on by SpongeBob] Ow!
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, are you okay? [jumps onto Mr. Krabs, knocking all of the money on the floor] What's a matter? Is there too much money? I'll get rid of the money. [picks up the money and stuffs them in his mouth]
  • Mr. Krabs: What are you— [sticks his hands in SpongeBob's mouth and pulls the money out] Quit masticatin' me moolah! [stuffs his pockets with the money] I ain't upset about the money, boy. I'm upset about him. [turns SpongeBob around and points to Old Man Jenkins outside]
  • SpongeBob: Old Man Jenkins? But I love Old Man Jenkins! He always has old and interesting smells, [Old Man Jenkins' horrible smell withers the plants] and his bones make such funny noises, [Old Man Jenkins' bones in his legs jiggle] and his eyes are the milkiest shade of white [his eyes turn milky], and—
  • [Mr. Krabs shuts SpongeBob up and carries him into the kitchen while unintentionally stepping on Squidward. Old Man Jenkins walks up to the register.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Every day, it's the same routine...
  • Old Man Jenkins: I'll have...[straightens out his finger] a small coffee. [snaps his finger]
  • Squidward: [gives Old Man Jenkins coffee] Hmm, that'll be 25 cents.
  • Old Man Jenkins: I don't think so, Charlie. I get the senior discount. [holds out a penny, cuts it in half, and gives the other half to Squidward]
  • Mr. Krabs: [peaks out the kitchen with SpongeBob] Then he hogs that table all day... [Old Man Jenkins slurps his drink really loud, annoying the other customers] And annoys all me other customers.
  • Old Man Jenkins: Ahh! [smacks his lips and pours ketchup, mustard and mayo into his beard]
  • Mr. Krabs: And he don't buy nothin' else neither. He just makes that disgustin' condiment soup and listens to his radio, all for free. [Old Man Jenkins bangs on the radio to turn it on and sips on his "condiment soup"] And anytime someone says somethin' to him, it's always the same response...
  • Frankie Billy: Excuse me, could you turn the volume down on your soup?
  • Old Man Jenkins: Respect your elders! [hits Frankie Billy on the head]
  • Frankie Billy: Yes, sir! Sorry, sir! [runs off crying]
  • [Old Man Jenkins resumes sipping his "condiment soup."]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ooh, it just makes me so steaming mad! [growls as a pot of soup is steaming on his back until he stops]
  • SpongeBob: [takes the pot off of Mr. Krabs' back] Ooh. [sniffs the soup] Ahh.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, I won't stand for it no more! [stomps out of the kitchen and grabs Old Man Jenkins] It's time to kick out the coot!
  • Old Man Jenkins: Eh? What's going on now?
  • Medley: Hey! If that's how you treat the elderly, then I'm never eating another Krabby Patty in here again!
  • Bikini Bottomites: [murmurs in agreement] Me neither. Give the poor old guy a break.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh. Uh, it's okay. I—I was just...shaking the dust off him. See? [shakes Old Man Jenkins really hard until his skeleton flies out of his skin] Ahh! Uh, wait. Let's see here. [grabs Old Man Jenkins' skeleton and puts his skin back on upside-down] Heh, there. Heh—heh—heh.
  • Old Man Jenkins: Respect your elders!
  • [The scene changes to Old Man Jenkins tuning up his banjo and preparing to sing.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: ♪Oohhhhh! Elders are you betters 'cause we're older. So all you whippersnappers get in line! Y'all best be respectful of your elders or we'll whip you with a soup spoon every time! [hits everyone including Squidward with a big soup spoon]
  • Mr. Krabs: [growls angrily and his eyes boil hot red] Ahh! [steam comes out of his shell]
  • SpongeBob: Well, gee, Mr. Krabs. If you want Old Man Jenkins to leave, why not just try asking him nicely?
  • Mr. Krabs: I think you oughta be the one to ask him nicely. [pushes SpongeBob over to Old Man Jenkins; imitates SpongeBob] "Oh, hi. I'm SpongeBob, and I love you, but will you go home, please? Hee—hee—hee—hee." [imitates Old Man Jenkins] "I'm Old Man Jenkins, and I'm a jerk who likes to cost Mr. Krabs money." [sees SpongeBob hugging Old Man Jenkins] What the? [grabs SpongeBob and pulls him back into the kitchen] What is going on, boy-o? Why ain't Jenkins vacatin' me restaurant?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs. I couldn't ask Old Man Jenkins to leave after hearing his story. His feet hurt, [shows his sore feet] and his grandson never calls, [shows a picture of Old Man Jenkins' grandson] and he has to take a pill that helps him to remember to take his other pills. [holds up some medical pills] Why, he takes so many pills, he's more pill than man. [morphs himself into a pill and reverts to normal]
  • Mr. Krabs: Okay, time to step it up...to passive aggression. [chuckles evilly as he heads to the thermostat] This'll make him uncomfortable. [turns the knob to "nuclear" heat]
  • Bikini Bottomites: [starting to feel hot and sweaty] Ooh. Whew. Ooh.
  • [One customer fans himself with a Krabby Patty and dumps his soda in his pants to stay cool. One customer's Krabby Patty melts from the heat and melts along with it. Squidward is sweating up a puddle in his register boat and bails it out with a bucket. Although the heat is making everyone hot and sweaty, Old Man Jenkins, on the other hand, thinks it's cold in the restaurant and is shivering.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: [shivering] Ehh...ehh…. It's too cold in here for my old blood! [takes his beard off his face and uses it as a sweater] Show a little respect for your elders and turn up the heat!
  • [Mr. Krabs gets so mad that his entire body bursts into flames.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: Thank you!
  • Mr. Krabs: [crumbles into ashes, but gets back up] So you can take the heat, but can you take...the beat? [holds up a tape cassette]
  • [Mr. Krabs chuckles evilly and puts the cassette in the tape recorder. He turns up the volume and turns on the recorder. The recorder plays really loud music that everyone including SpongeBob and Squidward are bouncing up and down. The loud music shook the restaurant. Mr. Krabs turns off the recorder. But unfortunately, Old Man Jenkins was sound asleep the whole time.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [gasps and looks into Old Man Jenkins' eye] I don't understand. How did you endure that cacophony?
  • Old Man Jenkins: [wakes up] Eh? [holds out a deaf horn] You say something? I'm a little deaf in my ears!
  • Mr. Krabs: Really? Then what's with the radio?
  • Old Man Jenkins: [opens the radio and shows him a cheese cracker inside] I like to cook on the vacuum tubes. [through deaf horn] Now show some respect for your elders! [munches on the cheese cracker]
  • Mr. Krabs: [growls and snaps off his right leg] Jenkins, I'm putting me foot down! You're ruining me business, and you're costing me money! Whoo, whoa. [puts his foot back on] Now, get out!
  • Old Man Jenkins: It ain't legal to throw out the elderly in this town. So respect your elders! [whacks Mr. Krabs with his cane]
  • Mr. Krabs: Respect...my...elders, hmm?
  • [The scene changes to Old Man Jenkins trimming his toenails.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, Old Man Jenkins, I've got someone I'd like you to meet.
  • Old Man Jenkins: Hm? What's this about now?
  • Mr. Krabs: This here is me father. [shows his father, Victor Krabs] And he is older than you. So you best respect what he has to say.
  • Victor Krabs: Ahoy there, Jenkins. Time for you to be hoistin' your sails and movin' on, son!
  • Old Man Jenkins: Oh, I don't thinks so. [grabs something under the table and reveals his own father, Very Old Man Jenkins Sr.] This is my father, Very Old Man Jenkins Sr. He's even older than your old man, Krabs.
  • Very Old Man Jenkins Sr.: And I say we stay. Both you young 'uns should respect your elders.
  • Mr. Krabs: And I say both you Jenkinses should respect your elder...[opens the door and reveals Grandpa Redbeard] me grandpappy.
  • Old Man Jenkins: Two can play at that game. [grabs someone and reveals his grandfather, Grandpa Jenkins] Meet Grandpa Jenkins. Ha-ha!
  • Grandpa Redbeard: I remember the day when Krabby Patties used to cost a dime.
  • Grandpa Jenkins: Oh, yeah? Well, I remember when they cost a nickel. Hm?
  • Mr. Krabs: Okay, let's not give anyone ideas about cheap patties. Now, out with the old, and in with the even older. [knocks down a barrel to reveal his great-grandfather krabs] Right, Great-Grandpappy Krabs? Ha-ha!
  • Old Man Jenkins: Wake up, Great-Grandpop! [lifts the barrel to reveal his great-grandfather Jenkins] Defend the family's honor! [lifts his great-grandfather and kicks him over to great-grandfather Krabs]
  • Great Grandpa Krabs: Ooh, respect...someone.
  • Great Grandpa Jenkins: Am I an elder?
  • Mr. Krabs: [growls and does a spiritual ritual on the floor] Oh, Great-Great-Grandpa Krabs, return to us! I beseech thee! [the ghost of his great-great grandfather comes to life] Ha! You're older than they are! Kick 'em out!
  • Old Man Jenkins: [takes out a board and does his own spiritual ritual] I want to speak with my Great-Great Grandpa Jenkins! [his shell spins around and the ghost of his great-great grandfather comes to life] Get 'em, Ancient-Great-Grand-Pop!
  • [Mr. Krabs rubs a crystal ball and a ghost of his great-great-great grandfather comes to life.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: [reads an ancient book BOOK OF THE FILlETED] Youthum Ignorami, Elderus Respecticus! [his book summons the magic within and the ghosts of his ancestors comes to life]
  • Mr. Krabs: [chuckles wildly as he sucks the ghosts of his ancestors from the graveyard] Here we go. [sucks the remaining ghosts of his ancestors and heads back to the Krusty Krab] Ha-ha! [releases his ancestors' ghosts]
  • Old Man Jenkins: You best respect your elders!
  • Mr. Krabs: My elders will teach your elders a little respect! Get 'em, Krabses!
  • Old Man Jenkins: Jenkinses, attack!
  • Mr. Krabs and Old Man Jenkins: Ha-ha! [both fight and slap at each other like immature children]
  • Ulysses S. Krabs: [getting in between the fight] Hey. Hey! Uh, you guys are kind of bumming us out.
  • Elizabeth Era Jenkins: Yes, we don't get to visit the land of the living very often.
  • Caveman Era Jenkins: And we just want to party!
  • Ancient Egypt Krabs: You two party-poopers need to respect your elders and vacate the premises!
  • [All of the ancestors kick Mr. Krabs and Old Man Jenkins out and they party inside the Krusty Krab.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [sighs] Looks like it's gonna be a while.
  • Old Man Jenkins: What do we do now?
  • [The scene changes to Mr. Krabs and Old Man Jenkins staying at the Chum Bucket with Plankton. They are seen playing cards together, much to Plankton's discomfort.]
  • Plankton: Come on, guys. You've been sitting here all day! Doesn't anyone want to order some chum?
  • Mr. Krabs: I'll just have a small coffee, please.
  • Old Man Jenkins: I got this one, Krabby...[holds out half his penny] with my senior discount. Here you go, Jimbo. [flicks half the penny onto Plankton's eye]
  • Plankton: Ow! That's it! Both of you out!
  • Mr. Krabs and Old Man Jenkins: Respect your elders!
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