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  • [the episode opens on a Breaking News announcement on the television]
  • Johnny Elaine: Witnesses are flunking around the unveiling of Bikini Bottom's newest bank: The Bank of Bikini Bottom Bank.
  • Mayor: [cuts the ribbon] The first one hundred customers who joins Bank of Bikini Bottom Bank will receive instant interest on their deposit.
  • [the view shifts to the Krusty Krab with Mr. Krabs spitting soda at the television screen]
  • Mr. Krabs: "Instant interest"?! Well, that's practically giving money away! [runs to SpongeBob] SpongeBob! You're in charge while I run down to the Bank of Bikini Bottom Bank! I gotta get down there before they run out of dough! [runs very fast out of the Krusty Krab and into the Bank of Bikini Bottom Bank] Money, here I co... Huh? [looks around at all of the customers getting their money out and starts speaking gibberish]
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Thanks for banking with Bank of Bikini Bottom Bank! [takes out money] And here's your instant interest. [gives the customer money]
  • [Mr. Krabs continues to speak in gibberish as he watches Pilar throwing bags of into the safe]
  • Gus: Free moolah?! Just for joining?! Yes!
  • Mr. Krabs: I'M IN MONEY HEAVEN!!! [laughs]
  • Officer John: [talking on a walkie-talkie] Heads up! We got a live one...
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Welcome to Bank of Bikini...
  • Mr. Krabs: Yeah, hi! I want to see all of your money!
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Excuse me?
  • Mr. Krabs: Show me where the money lives! I'd bet you got a lot! [Nancy Suzy Fish presses a button] I'd like to see all of it! I'm a huge fan of money! [suddenly gets taken away by Nat Peterson and Officer John] H-Hey! Get your hands off... [gets kicked out of the Bank by Officer John and flies through the air] [screams and lands on the ground] Anchovies...
  • [bubble transition to Mr. Krabs entering the Bank again but this time, wearing a mustache]
  • Mr. Krabs: [in a deep voice] Good day, madam! I would like to take a look at your safe, please!
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Sure thing, sir...[presses the button again and Mr. Krabs is grabbed by Officer John and Nat again]
  • Mr. Krabs: Not again...[gets kicked out of the Bank again] [screams and crashes into a cliff] Scallops!
  • [bubble transition to Mr. Krabs entering the Bank again disguised as a woman]
  • Mr. Krabs: [walks by Officer John and Nat Peterson, speaking in a feminine voice] Good day, gentlemen!
  • Officer John and Nat Peterson: Good day, ma'am!
  • Mr. Krabs: [walks up to Nancy Suzy Fish again] Hello, young missy!
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Well, hello, ma'am. How can we help you today?
  • Mr. Krabs: [in his thoughts] So far so good...
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Ma'am?
  • Mr. Krabs: [in his thoughts] They haven't thrown me out yet...
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Ma'am? [Reaches over to the button and is preparing to press it]
  • Mr. Krabs: [in his thoughts] It's all coming together now...
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Can I help you, ma'am? A withdraw? A transfer? Anything!? Free interest!?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, yes! I'll have that please!
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Okay, but you'll have to make a deposit first.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, of course! [takes out a penny] Here's me prized penny deposit it into a new account!
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Okay! I'll set it right up! [pulls out a drawer]
  • Mr. Krabs: [in his regular voice] WAIT!!! [back in his feminine voice] Uh, what you're doing? Penny doesn't want to be crammed in there with all those other coins. She wants a money condo of her own!
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Okay. You want a safe deposit box then?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, yes! Penny will have one of those!
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Uh, this way please. [leads Mr. Krabs to a bunch other safe deposit boxes. She then is about to open one of the boxes to put his penny in]
  • Mr. Krabs: Wait! Can it...have one moment with me penny? Alone?
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: [sighs] Make it quick. We're closing in five minutes. [walks off]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, penny...I'll miss...[sniffles and starts crying] It's inhuman I tell ya! Penny, penny...one last kiss goodbye. [gets into the safe deposit box and his female clothes falls to the ground. He goes back to using his regular voice.] It's just you and me now little penny! It's a wee bit cramped in here!
  • Nat Peterson: [walks by and notices the box open] Oh, well that looks secure...[closes the box and Mr. Krabs goes flying into the safe. Nat then locks the box] Were you people trained in a barn? [walks off]
  • Mr. Krabs: Gasp! This can't be true! [picks up some money and starts to sniff them. He then actually sniffs off the hair on one of them] 'Tis true! I landed in money nirvana! [jumps up] Me wildest dreams finally come true! [laughs and lands in the pile of money. The scene changes over to the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I'm done watering down the ketchup. Do you want me to...[looks and sees that Mr. Krabs isn't in his office] Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs? MR. KRABS!
  • Squidward: Would you pipe down!?
  • SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward! I can't find Mr. Krabs and he said he'd be right back! I'm getting a little concerned...
  • Squidward: That's nice...and...interesting...
  • SpongeBob: I can't take it anymore! I'm gonna go look for him! [runs out of the Krusty Krab] Hold on, Krabs! I'm coming for ya! [walks near a Bus Stop] Mr. Krabs! [walks through an open field] Mr. Krabs! [walks past the Hospital] Mr. Krabs! [walks by the Bank of Bikini Bottom Bank] Mr. Krabs! [walks away and the scene changes back over to Mr. Krabs]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, time to head home! [slides down a bunch of money] Whoo hoo! I hope to see each and every one of ya on the outside! [tries to climb up the hole and get out but the door is locked] Balmy! I'm locked in! [climbs back out the hole] I guess I'm trapped here all night! [jumps on a pile of money] With all of this moolah! Such much moolah... [grabs a bill and blows on it] I have no one to tell about it! Time to russel up me some friends!
  • [bubble transition to Mr. Krabs' house]
  • SpongeBob: [knocks on the door until Pearl opens it] Oh, hi Pearl! Is Mr. Krabs here?
  • Pearl: No.
  • SpongeBob: Pearl, I hate to be the one to tell you this but Mr. Krabs is missing!
  • Pearl: [sarcastically] Oh my gosh.
  • SpongeBob: I know!
  • Pearl: Oh, my, gosh.
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry! I'll find him!
  • Pearl: [agitated] Oh my gosh! [hands SpongeBob her cell phone] Call him on my cell! [slams the door and the scene changes back over to the Bank]
  • Mr. Krabs: You look absolutely stunning tonight, Mrs. Greenback. Waiter! [snaps fingers] [speaks as waiter] Oui, oui, monsieur, what can I get you and zee lady tonight? [back to regular speaking] The lady would like to start with a million clams. A side of investments, and hold the taxes. I'll have the same. But with extra no taxes. Eh. Such a friendly fella. Good lookin' too. I'm almost gonna regret not giving him a tip. [cell phone rings] Hello?
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs? Are you okay?
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm fine boy! In fact, I'm dancing with a beautiful lady.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, that's nice.
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes, and she's made entirely out of money.
  • SpongeBob: What? Where are you?
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm locked in the bank vault, and having the time of me life. Oh, and I think I'm running out of oxygen, and it's making me lose me mind.
  • SpongeBob: I gotta save Mr. Krabs! [runs to Patrick's house] Patrick! Patrick, you gotta help me, buddy! I need to break into a bank! [Patrick stops drinking his water, gags, and spits it back on SpongeBob]]
  • Patrick: What?! SpongeBob SquarePants, we have been friends for a long time, and you've asked me to do some crazy things over the years. Breaking into a bank? [SpongeBob looks ashamed] Has to be the coolest!
  • Mr. Krabs: [at the bank] Ah. This is the life. [imagines a beach] Sun, sand, and surf. And of course. Mrs. Greenback by my side. What's that? Eh, don't start on me now. I'm sure this remote island has a food source! Krabs just hasn't found it yet, that's all. I'll just… eh. Heh heh. So hungry.
  • SpongeBob: [outside the bank] Coast is clear! What's the plan, buddy?
  • Patrick: Okay. First we climb up the walls. [points up] Then, we slide down the chimney and eat up all the milk and cookies they left out for us!
  • SpongeBob: Well, I don't see a chimney. But we could try getting in through a roof vent. If only we had a way to scale this wall.
  • Patrick: Luckily, I brought the bank breaking kit! Um. How about this? [holds out several shoelaces]
  • SpongeBob: A bunch of old shoelaces?
  • Patrick: It's as close as I'll ever get to having shoes.
  • SpongeBob: I wish we had something stronger. But this'll have to do. [throws shoelaces up, they catch a pipe, and hold. The shoelaces continue to untie, and SpongeBob jumps to catch each one]
  • Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! I got an idea! Let's use this grappling hook! [throws the grappling hook up, it catches. SpongeBob climbs up, while Patrick piggybacks. They tiptoe across the roof]
  • SpongeBob: This vent will surely lead us to Mr. Krabs!
  • Patrick: Let's get him! [the two jump into the vent, and bump all around the bank, then underground, and then through another building. They land on the ground in front of the bank.] COOL! Let's do that again!
  • SpongeBob: Not now, Patrick. We're running out of time. And more importantly, Mr. Krabs is running out of oxygen.
  • Mr. Krabs: [inside the imaginary island, it's on fire] Ohhh! So hungry! [stomach growls] Oh, why did I come to this uninhabitable island? Why did I do it? Why did I say all that to Mrs. Greenback? I miss her… why isn't she? Miss Greenback! Where could she be? What have I done? [sees Greenback on the beach] Ms. Greenback! Oh, Ms. Greenback. [picks her up] You're okay! I was so worried. [mumbles, and rubs Greenback. As he rubs, all the money composing Mrs. Greenback flies away] What's this?!! Ah! Little miss! What the Neptune?!! [sees money dragon] A slimy money dragon! You're not sucking away me fortune without a fight! [attacks, and comes back to the real vault, shows he is attacking a a vacuum cleaner] Gimme back Mrs. Greenback you beast!
  • SpongeBob: [outside the front doors to the bank] Patrick, you ready?
  • Patrick: This lock won't know what hit it! [sticks screwdriver into the lock]
  • SpongeBob: Ah, careful Patrick. Use finesse.
  • Patrick: Oh, right! [pulls out a crowbar] I'll use the finesse. [swings, and SpongeBob ducks. Closed signs switches to open, and they fall through the doors to the foot of the bank manger]
  • Bank Manager: Good morning, gentlemen. [SpongeBob and Patrick scream]
  • Patrick: We've been rumbled! Run! Scatter! Scamper! Save yourself!
  • Bank Manager: What's all this about? [walks backwards to alarm button, SpongeBob pulls off ski mask.] May I help you with anything, sir?
  • SpongeBob: Ah. Yes, I need to make a withdrawal. I need to withdraw one Mister Krabs!
  • Bank Manager: I assure you, Mr. SquarePants, we've received no such deposit. [opens vault]
  • Mr. Krabs: I got you now, money sucker! That does it, Lizard-breath! It's you and me now! Just you and me! [wrestles the vacuum, and breaks it. Laughs evilly] I concurred the money dragon! Victory! Woo hoo!
  • Bank Manger: Security! [security throws them out] And don't forget your… eh… deposit. [tosses penny at Mr. Krabs]
  • Mr. Krabs: You know, boyo. Through this whole ordeal, I've learned a little something about greed. A little something about isolation. Heh. Even a little something about love. And you know what I realized through it all?
  • SpongeBob: That you can't put a price on freedom?
  • Mr. Krabs: Barnacles no, boy! I realized that they didn't pay interest on me deposit! [shakes fist] Hey, you cheapskates! Gimme me interest! [penny is thrown at Mr. Krabs] Well. What do you know? I doubled me money. [laughs as the episode ends]