December 10th, 2005
(Opening shot: a screenful of smoke and exhaust fumes, accompanied by the growl of a souped-up engine. Dissolve to a shot of an old-style hot rod, seen from the rear, bright red body; open top; wide, smooth racing tires on the rear wheels; hood removed to expose the power plant. A double curtain of fumes pours back from the slicks as the driver keeps his foot on the gas; it is a broad figure in a black leather jacket, with a gray cap resting atop the head. The vehicle is eating up the asphalt on a desert road during the day.)
(Zoom in slightly, far enough to expose prominent black sideburns and establish the driver as a male. The screen briefly fills with exhaust again as he speeds ahead, then dissolves to the road while the camera tilts up to show it stretching toward the horizon. The roadster zooms over a hill, drops out of sight on the far side, and reappears from the dip to continue at full speed.)
(Cut to an extreme close-up of a jukebox front, with a single button beneath the lists of song choices. One finger reaches into view and presses it; tilt up to the top of the cabinet, where a record is placed on the turntable and the needle lowers onto the vinyl. This is a dashboard-mounted blast from the past that serves as the car's sound system. A 1950s rock and roll tune starts as the camera cuts to a close-up of one front tire and pans to frame the driver head-on. Big fat guy, beady black eyes, long straight nose, scruffy beard, white T-shirt beneath his leather jacket. This is Ding Dong Daddy, who appeared in the gathering of villains at the end of "Homecoming.")
(Ding Dong Daddy enjoys the music for a second, after which the camera cuts to a close-up ad zooms in as he gasps in shock. The next shot shows the Titans standing in the middle of the road and not looking at all happy; he jams one booted foot on the brake pedal and brings the car and the music to a stop in a screech of burning rubber. Now he straightens up, exposing his T-shirt fully, three black D's interlocked, and speaks as a '50s hepcat might.)
Ding Dong Daddy: What's buzzin', cousins?
Robin: (stepping forward) You're going to hand over what you stole, now!
Ding Dong Daddy: Chill out, cool cat. The Ding Dong Daddy ain't cruisn' for a bruisin'. The prize is yours. All you gotta do is raced [sic] me for it.
Beast Boy: (to Cyborg) What does he mean, prize?
(Close-up of Ding Dong Daddy's right hand as he raises it, holding a metal briefcase.)
Ding Dong Daddy: (from o.c.) One hundred percent titanium alloy. (Pull back to frame him.) Bulletproof, fireproof, blastproof. Encrypted lock. And here's the real kicker.
(On the end of this, he turns the case around to expose Robin's insignia on the other side. Close-up of this, zooming in, then cut to Starfire and Raven, then to Beast Boy. Gasps from the girls and the green Titan as the camera zooms in on each in turn, then cut to a close-up of Robin's steely-eyed face. On the start of the next line, pan slightly to one side, where Cyborg steps up and he looks back over his shoulder; the focus shifts to the big man.)
Cyborg: Robin, when you said we had to stop a crook, I think you left out a minor detail: you were the one robbed! (Focus on Robin.)
Robin: It doesn't matter. (Cut to behind Ding Dong Daddy; slow pan.) Last chance. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. (Behind Robin; slow pan.)
Ding Dong Daddy: How 'bout my way? You want it back, you'll need to beat me in a race.
(Extreme close-up of the revving engine, then back to him.)
Ding Dong Daddy: That's if you have the wheels for it! (Close-up of Robin; pull back as Cyborg leans in.)
Cyborg: You're challenging the T-Car with that thing? Oh, you are on!
(The overgrown gearhead pulls out a rolled sheet of paper and throws it to the group; it lands on Beast Boy's head and unfurls itself to reveal a map of the course.)
Ding Dong Daddy: Then I'll see you at the finish line! Be there or be square!
(Tires squeal against asphalt, and he leaves the Titans standing in a fog of exhaust as he steers around them and peels out with a salute. Bellowing laughter drifts back toward the group and the clearing smoke before the view fades to black.)
OPENING THEME (sung in Japanese)
(Opening shot: a ground-level view of the road, the camera set at an angle and zooming quickly ahead. Ding Dong Daddy pulls into view and away from the lens; the T-Car gives chase, then the R-Cycle. Cut to Beast Boy's perspective of the map, upside down. He is riding in Cyborg's front seat.)
Beast Boy: Dude, this map makes no sense! (He lowers it; pan to Cyborg at the wheel.)
Cyborg: That's because you're holding it upside down.
(Pan back; the map is brought up and turned 180 degrees.)
Beast Boy: Right. (Pull back to frame both; he lets off a little snort.) I knew that. Huh.
Robin: (over the communicator) Forget the map.
(The rookie navigator lowers it to expose the in-dash comm screen, on which the Boy Wonder's helmeted face is seen.)
Robin: Just follow that case.
(Outside; he pulls even. Both of the T-Car's front windows are down to give a clear view.)
Robin: I don't know how Ding Dong Daddy stole it, but we have to get it back.
Beast Boy: (raising his voice) What's so important about a briefcase?
Robin: It's personal!
(Zoom in on one handgrip as he twists it to feed gas, then pull back. The R-Cycle roars ahead and pulls in behind Ding Dong Daddy, after which the camera tilts up to frame Raven and Starfire flying overhead.)
Raven: This is a waste of time. (Close-up of them.) Let's just fly past him to the finish line and get it over with.
Starfire: (as both speed up) Yes! Victory will be ours!
(Close-up of Ding Dong Daddy's rear view mirror, which shows his narrowed eyes.)
Ding Dong Daddy: (adjusting it to show girls) No can do, kitty cats.
(A close-up of the dash reveals a row of buttons, one of which is marked with a skull and crossbones. This is promptly pressed.)
Ding Dong Daddy: (from o.c.) Daddy's code of the road says... (Behind him; a hatch opens in the rear end.) ...flyin's for squares.
(Out pops an emitter, which fires off a beam that hits both girls dead on and drops them to the sand. After a heavy bounce or two, they wind up in a heap amid a cloud of dust. Long shot of the road; the haze gradually clears to show them standing on the shoulder as Ding Dong Daddy's jukebox music grows and he pulls up next to them. The weapon has been retracted.)
Ding Dong Daddy: You swingers want the goods, you gotta cross the finish line with rubber touchin' the road.
(He points down toward his tires on the end of this to make the point, then smokes them and gets on his way again. The R-Cycle buzzes past, then the T-Car, and the camera cuts to the sun and tilts down. Here come the girls on foot; the sound of the chase has faded out and been replaced by a vulture's raucous cry, and the only moving thing is a lone tumbleweed that blows by.)
Raven: (as Starfire sighs/shades her eyes) Perfect. (The communicator sounds off.)
Robin: (over the comm) Raven, Starfire, report. (She pulls it out.)
Raven: We've been grounded. (Starfire tries to lift off and fails.) Ding Dong Daddy used some sort of neutralizer beam to bring us down.
(The Tamaranean adopts a meditation pose, perhaps remembering what Raven taught her in "Switched", and actually floats a couple of feet while concentrating fiercely.)
Robin: (over the comm) I'm sending Cyborg back to pick you up. (End meditation; Starfire tries to flail her way off the ground.)
Raven: No, keep going. We'll catch up, somehow. (Starfire floats o.c.)
Robin: (over the comm) Fine. Robin out.
(Pocketing the device, she takes a few steps and stops short to look around.)
Starfire: (from o.c.) Over here!
(Cut to a long shot of her: waving from the cargo bed of a pickup truck loaded with cages. A close-up reveals their inhabitants to be a flock of squawking chickens.)
Starfire: I have found us transportation! (A loose bird flaps up in her face; she giggles.)
Raven: (deadpan) It just keeps getting better and better.
(Head-on view of Ding Dong Daddy, laying rubber while the tunes keep playing; pull back slightly as the T-Car and R-Cycle roll in to his left and right, respectively.)
Ding Dong Daddy: (through the bullhorn, right into Beast Boy's face) Daddy's puttin' a shout-out to the cat in the groovy metal threads. (Cyborg shoves his head out.)
Cyborg: Yeah, what do you want?
Ding Dong Daddy: (no bullhorn) The junkyard called! They want their scrap heap back!
(Inside the T-Car; he laughs heartily as the big man settles back in his seat with a growl. Outside again, Ding Dong Daddy roars ahead.)
Cyborg: That's it! (Just outside his windshield; pull back.) He's going down!
(A laser pops out above each front wheel, next to the hood, and both open fire. Shots rip into the pavement, forcing Ding Dong Daddy to swerve all over the place in order to keep his tires intact.)
Ding Dong Daddy: (through the bullhorn) Sorry, kids. Daddy's just too smooth!
Cyborg: (leans out out window) Then it's time to rough you up!
(He breaks out the left-arm sonic cannon and fires, barely missing when Ding Dong Daddy hurtles over the crest of a hill. The two riders match his feat and come down for a rather hard landing.)
Beast Boy: Cyborg, you aim, I'll drive.
Cyborg: I told you before, Beast Boy, you're not driving the T-Car! (He leans out and aims.) Boo-yah.
(This blast finds its mark; in an instant, Ding Dong Daddy's rear tires disintegrate into shreds of rubber, and sparks cascade back from the grind of bare wheel rims on asphalt.)
Robin: (from o.c.) Good shot, Cyborg! (He pulls into view.) I'm making my move! (Inside the T-Car; Cyborg leans back in and disarms.)
Beast Boy: (eyes the side view mirror) Uh, Cyborg? What kinda car is that?
(On the last word, he turns to look out the rear windshield. Cyborg does likewise, drawn by the sound of a very loud horn, and both catch sight of what appears to be a full-service gas station moving under its own power.)
Cyborg: That's no car!
(Overhead view of the T-Car; the contraption gains ground rapidly.)
Cyborg: (from inside) It's a pit stop on wheels!
(It pulls up so that its roof is directly over the vehicle, with the wheels flanking it on either side. Manning the rig is a trio of brightly colored, bug-eyed, cackling gremlins-yellow, magenta, green-in racing jumpsuits, each marked with a large D: Ding Dong Daddy's pit crew. In short order, they pass the T-Car and R-Cycle, Robin gaping up at the structure as it rolls by, and catch up to their faltering chief. Clamps extend from the station's underside and lift the car free of the pavement, after which the crew swiftly bolts on a fresh pair of slicks and repairs some damage to the body panels. Head-on view of the filthy windshield, behind which his shadow can be seen.)
Ding Dong Daddy: No matter what you do... (Automatic cleaner kicks in.) ...I've always got the crew.
(The car is lowered back to the road and released, and he proceeds to peel out anew. After he has gone, the camera pans back slightly to bring the station's roof into view, seen from above; here is a cubicle for the driver, a one-eyed orange Ding Dong Daddy gremlin. Looking back, it lets off a giddy squeal and cuts the wheels sharply to one side for a U-turn; Robin is forced to swerve away as the behemoth closes in on the T-Car. Both boys' eyes bug out, Beast Boy's considerably farther than Cyborg's.)
Cyborg: It's coming after us!
(He does his own about-face, but even at top speed he cannot stay ahead of the charging station. Sharp braking puts him in the clear; now a second U-turn is followed by a quick bit of shifting gears, and he jumps the T-Car over a ridge that runs parallel to the road to get back on course. Beast Boy screams as the pair hurtle down the slope on its other side and onto a lower stretch of the asphalt. Profile close-up of the driver.)
Cyborg: (chuckles) Lost him.
(Pull back to show Beast Boy frozen in his seat due to pure terror, the map crumpled in his paralyzed fingers, then cut to an overhead view of the cab of the pickup truck Starfire found. We can see the driver, an old farmer, and hear the grumbling of an engine that is not even close to being in the same league as Ding Dong Daddy's. A shot from behind shows the girls plunked among the chicken cages; several of the birds have gotten out, and Starfire giggles at their behavior. One has perched on her shoulder, while another pecks at Raven's raised hood.)
Starfire: I did not know the chickens could be so adorable. (She pets one.)
Raven: They smell, they're noisy, and their feathers get everywhere. (waves one away) Nothing about them is adorable.
(Extreme close-up; she sniffles a bit and lets off a violent sneeze that brings a feather out of her nose.)
Raven: Whatever is in that case, it better be worth it.
Starfire: Oh, do you think it could be a present?
Raven: It's some kind of secret, and a big one.
(Close-up of the chicken on her head; tilting down slightly; it flutters away, leaving a fresh, laid egg balanced on the blue hood. Starfire giggles behind her hand, but Raven's powers flare up and crack the shell to leave white and yolk oozing over her head. Cut to an overhead view of the pickup's cab and tilt to point back along the road, to the sound of a rapidly approaching engine. Something is gaining on the load of poultry and Titans and throwing up thick clouds of exhaust behind itself. Cut to the understandably surprised girls.)
Starfire: Raven? (The newcomer flashes past )
Raven: We need to find something faster, now! (Cut to Beast Boy, thinking hard.)
Beast Boy: I got it! (leans toward the camera) I know what's in Robin's case!
(The pupil of his eye has now blacked out the entire screen; from here, snap to a gray field, against which he drops into view in full ninja kit and strikes at the air.)
Beast Boy: (voice over) A secret ninja training manual! (Cyborg leans into view.)
Cyborg: I don't think so.
(Ninja Beast Boy glares at him for a moment before launching a flying kick that bashes him back out of frame. The screen flashes white and clears to show the interior of the T-Car; the driver takes a moment to bring his head back up after being smacked.)
Beast Boy: What about his diary, or...or embarrassing baby pictures? Or-- (He holds up a handful of snapshots at the right moment.)
Cyborg: If he wanted you to know, do you think he woulda locked it in a briefcase?
Beast Boy: (groaning impatiently; close-up) I have to know! (Pan to Cyborg.)
Cyborg: Face it. Robin keeps things to himself. We're gonna have to accept it.
(A beeping noise from the dashboard makes him face front again. Cut to a close-up of he screen, which shows two moving blips; a big one for the T-Car, a smaller red one closing in from behind, and zoom in.)
Cyborg: (from o.c.) Something's on our tail!
(Outside, the same black blur that passed Raven and Starfire overtakes the T-Car just as easily, and Beast Boy leans out to scope it.)
Beast Boy: Whoa, dude! What was that?
Cyborg: I don't know, but we better warn Robin.
Beast Boy: (leaning back in) Leave that to me.
(It takes him only a second to transform into a long-haul trucker, complete with baseball cap, sunglasses, longer hair, even a little bit of beard. He speaks into the CB handset.)
Beast Boy: Breaker, breaker. One-niner, this is Green Machine and Chrome-Dome calling Rubber Duck, coming at you on the flip-flop. Bear bait just dusted our britches going full throttle in the monster lane. Come on back.
Cyborg: (from o.c., grabbing the CB) Gimme that! (Pan to him; he addresses it.) Yo, Robin! You got company!
(Long shot of Ding Dong Daddy from behind; he waves the stolen goods overhead and laughs as Robin rolls up, and the camera shifts to an overhead view of the impending face-off.)
Robin: (stretches out one hand) Just a little bit closer--
(Before he can finish the thought or act on it, the speeding black shape zooms up and nearly rams him off the road. It is a motorcycle styled after his own, but in shades of black and gray, and the front fender sports the white skull and signature mark of its driver: Red X. After the Boy Wonder regains his balance following the near-wipeout, he finds that his opposite number has taken his place in the pursuit.)
Red X: Not so fast, Robin. I'll be winning that prize today. (He rolls on; close-up of Robin's face, zooming in.)
Robin: Red X.
(He aims a grimace of single-minded determination straight ahead as the view fades to black.)
(Opening shot: an extreme close-up of one of the pickup's rear wheels and fenders. The old truck pulls away to expose Raven and Starfire, who have given up on this ride and are now standing at a gas station. Directly behind them, next to the pumps, is a giant tire. Raven has cleaned the broken egg off her hood.)
Raven: This is beyond hopeless. We're never going to catch up. (She sneezes a chicken feather out of her nose.)
(The allergic Titan groans wearily as both turn toward the station; close-up, in which Starfire gasps happily and clutches at Raven's shoulder.)
Starfire: We know him!
(The next shot faces the door, where "he", Gizmo, is coming out with an armload of goodies that he may or may not have obtained legally.)
Starfire: You! Stop!
Gizmo: Crud! (runs toward the pumps) Hey! I didn't do anything!
(Close-up of the huge tire, whose sides are covered by transparent domes. This is his vehicle, and he jumps in to land on a seat that forms the horizontal bar of his trademark G.)
(As he gets ready to drive off, Raven and Starfire run up to stop him.)
Starfire: (rapid fire) We require the use of your vehicle to race the Ding Dong Daddy, who has stolen Robin's most secret possession and now offers it to the winner! (She catches her breath.)
Gizmo: (grinning nastily) Oh, really?
(Instead of offering them a ride, he hits first gear, rolls away between them, and takes care to splash both girls with plenty of mud from a handy puddle.)
Gizmo: Thanks for the tip, suckers! (Back to them on the end of this.)
Starfire: Perhaps I have explained too much.
(Her teammate's face goes bright red, the eyes bugging out and going bloodshot, and the crown of her hood burns away. She has literally blown her top, and she voices a pained sigh as the smoke curls up from her head and she calms down. Cut to Gizmo, who pulls out a CB handset.)
Gizmo: Attention, all bad guys! Bird-Boy Robin's secret stuff is up for grabs! All you have to do is win some stinking race! Start your engines!
(On the latter part of this, cut to a close-up of the T-Car's radio, on which this transmission is coming in, and tilt up to Cyborg.)
Cyborg: Things are about to get a whole lot uglier.
(He trades a worried look with Beast Boy, who has resumed his usual, non-trucker appearance, after which the camera cuts to an extreme close-up of Mad Mod's grinning face. This is his younger self, as seen in the bulk of "Mad Mod" and "Revolution"; the brim of a driving helmet is visible above his eyes, and he pulls a pair of goggles into place. The next things we see are the following. The ignition switch of a car with a pink interior; someone reaches into view with a key on a fuzzy-dice chain and starts it up. Johnny Rancid's hands twisting open the throttle of his motorcycle. A foot planted on an accelerator pedal. Rancid peeling out. A rear shot of a formidable black/red auto that looks something like the Batmobile; fire belches from the huge rear exhaust, which looks like a barrel turned on its side, and the thing lays rubber out of the cave in which it has been resting.)
(The screen fills with this vehicle's exhaust fumes, after which the view dissolves to the T-Car in top gear and zooms in on Beast Boy and Cyborg. All is peaceful for a moment until the entire roof gets ripped away from the bodywork in one swift move. Panicked yells from both, after which the camera shifts to show the reason for this attack; which, remarkably, has left the windshield in one piece. Ding Dong Daddy's rolling body shop has caught up to them, the fractured sheet metal being lifted away by a set of clamps extended from the roof.)
(Cyborg swerves back and forth in an attempt to ram this thing off the road, but gets only showers of sparks for his trouble. Payback comes in the form of a large circular saw that extends toward the damaged T-Car from one side and slices the hood open. As the boys stare aghast, an arc-welding tool lances in over their heads and prepares to dig into the dashboard.)
Beast Boy: Go! You take them, I'll take the wheel!
Cyborg: For the last time, you're not driving the T-Car!
(These words bring out a large sweat drop on Beast Boy's temple, after which the once and future driver hits a button and puts the spurs to his engine. The whiplash-inducing acceleration sends the T-Car hurtling ahead, but Ding Dong Daddy's crew gives it no rest and the orange gremlin at the wheel cackles madly. Cyborg veers sharply to the right and off the road; cut to a billboard marked "Truck Stop-Next Exit" as he and Beast Boy crash through it from behind. They are followed by the pit stop on wheels, whose momentum is enough to wipe out the whole display.)
(Now the two teams hit the road, rather harder than advised by typical driver safety instructors, and the chase continues. Cyborg throws a brief glance back at the pursuer as he drives; Beast Boy gives it a longer look and then lets off a stifled cry upon facing forward. Cut to just behind the two Titans, revealing the cause of his panic as a water tower dead ahead. Only a sharp swerve at the last possible moment keeps them from becoming part of the ironwork, and Beast Boy's scream hangs in the air as Ding Dong Daddy's team simply plows right through it. Water gushes in all directions when the tank hits the ground.)
(Through it all, Cyborg has kept his steely composure at the wheel, but Beast Boy has put his hands over his face out of fright. As soon as he takes them down, here comes the mobile garage, prompting a shocked gasp out of him. When the thing has pulled up to center itself around the T-Car, the yellow pit crew gremlin rushes up, whips out a pair of wrenches, and leaps onto the exposed engine. The identically equipped green one comes around on the other side, and both laugh to themselves as they give Cyborg's beloved plasma-turbine engine a thoroughly unnecessary tune-up. The shower of newly removed parts is enough to set the big man steaming and growling; he floors the gas pedal and races out, and the insane mechanics are thrown off.)
Cyborg: We gotta get 'em off our back!
(Beast Boy executes a quick change into mouse form and scurries away between his seat and Cyborg's. Ding Dong Daddy's crew chief keeps a firm hand on the wheel, but its face goes slack with sudden shock a moment before the T-Car's entire trunk lid bursts free. The changeling is here, having turned into a very large and roaring gorilla, and he pulls out a pair of stereo speakers and hurls them back at the enemy. These shatter ineffectually against the front bumper and are followed by every loose object Beast Boy can get his hands on. A spare tire scares away the two wrench-wielding maniacs, while the driver screams and veers away to avoid being brained by a bag of golf clubs.)
(They come to a fork in the road, the T-Car heading right and the pit crew zooming left, and Beast Boy throws a satisfied smirk back at them before from his perch in the trunk.)
Cyborg: Look what they did to my baby!
(The baby in question develops a briefcase of the shakes right about here. As tears stream down Cyborg's face, Beast Boy resumes human form, buckles himself back into his seat, and pulls out a pair of sunglasses.)
Beast Boy: Sweet! (puts them on; feet on the dashboard) We're a convertible!
(This earns him a very funny look from the distraught driver as they roll ahead. A moment later, the two roads that diverged at the fork merge back into one and Ding Dong Daddy's loonies are coming up hard left. The sunglasses go flying as Beast Boy screams in terror.)
Cyborg: Aw, not again!
(Both blast by the camera, which immediately cuts to the hot-rod fanatic himself heading up a mountain road with mini-jukebox blaring. Red X tears after him, followed by Robin, who quickly pulls even with his counterpart.)
Red X: So, what's in the case?
Robin: You'll never find out!
Red X: (edges toward him) We'll see about that!
(The two choppers lock fenders, and Red X pushes Robin into the guardrail to send up a cascade of sparks.)
Ding Dong Daddy: (eyeing them, then the rail) Well, razz my berries. That's about a gazillion-foot drop, straight down to the bottom of Nowheresville.
(Another hit, still more sparks, and the two drivers trade the dirtiest looks they can drum up. From here, cut to a stretch of desert; Raven and Starfire walk around a hill and into view, then stop for a look around.)
Voice 1: All aboard!
(During this line, cut to the girls' perspective of its source. What they are looking at is a school bus, but with a gigantic bottle rocket lashed to its roof, pointing straight ahead. Lined up at a small depot, ready to board, are several people in the sort of outlandish costumes one might expect to see at science fiction conventions. Back to the two Titans; Starfire cries out in delight.)
Starfire: (jumping up and down) Look! We have located the wheels to finish the line!
(Raven is considerably less enthused, and a moment later, the Tamaranean is dragged away with a shriek behind a nearby bush. Both keep their voices down for the next two lines.)
Raven: Starfire, those are bad guys! (Starfire muffles a gasp behind her hands.)
Starfire: I have a plan.
(Cut to just in front of the bus' radiator grille, the camera pointing over the hood at the head of the line. The first passenger gets on; pan back toward the end and the girls' hiding place. As the group trudges ahead, Starfire's hand shoots up and waves.)
Starfire: (from behind the bush, loudly) Excuse me, friends! (Zoom in slightly) I have subdued a Teen Titan!
(Raven finds herself hoisted into view, catching the attention of the last two in line.)
Raven: (woodenly) Oh, no. I have been captured.
(She is pulled back down, whereupon the two stragglers turn toward the bush and are summarily yanked in. The leaves rattle under the force of a swift pummeling, after which the camera cuts to inside the bus, at the front. Standing by the driver's seat, checking a clipboard, is a fat bearded fellow with glasses, wearing a bright pink tunic and white gloves and boots. A white cape is draped around his shoulders, topped with a chicken or duck head for a hood. He is one of Control Freak's chat room buddies from "For Real.")
(A large figure steps on, wearing pieces of the two villains' outfits. Its face is hidden behind a helmet, but the green eyes are Starfire's; ditto the violet-booted legs that extend from beneath the belt. With her is Raven, who has donned one enemy's horns and turned her eyes glowing red. Starfire's next three lines are delivered in a deeper voice than usual.)
Driver: Who are you two supposed to be?
Starfire: I, uh...
(Her perspective, pulling back slightly: everyone else is staring dumbfounded. Back to her.)
Starfire: ...am the Dr. Amazing Mumgon...the Terrible. And this is my henchman...uh...Henchy.
(Now it is the driver's turn to look quizzically in her direction; he then scrutinizes his clipboard for a moment.)
Driver: Well, Dr. Amazing Mumgon, you're not on the list. (Close-up of Starfire.)
Starfire: (thinking fast) This is because we are new here. Yes. We have come from East...Town to do evil here...as...we are evil. (Pan to Raven, growling softly.)
Raven: Extremely evil. (Long silence.)
Driver: (sighs wearily) Go on. (Starfire goes to sit; he stops Raven.) You oughta think about ditching the boss there, Henchy.
Raven: I'll keep that in mind.
(She, too, goes in search of a seat. Cut to the mountain road where we last left Ding Dong Daddy; he races downhill around a sharp curve, pursued by Robin and then Red X. In a moment, the master thief has pulled even and tried to knock the Boy Wonder off balance with a punch. Block; retaliate with a kick that drives Red X away; get rammed into the guardrail just like before. The two stay shoulder to shoulder as well as fender to fender for a long moment before Red X lets Robin pull clear. Next, the black bike swerves in sharply, trying to push Robin into the rail, but the target drops back and lets him hit the metal for once.)
(The mad dash continues, with all three racers briefly going airborne off the top of a rise.)
Ding Dong Daddy: (looks back at Robin and Red X) This little birdie can fly! (grips a lever) But guess what, daddy-o's? So can I!
(A shove sends him surging forward, but the two cycles stay on him as the camera pans ahead to show them reaching the foot of the mountains and a desert straightaway.)
Red X: You don't think I plan on making this easy for you.
(He backs it up by steering over to exchange blows with Robin; the acrobatic scuffle leaves him flipping back into his seat and pulling off to one side before the Boy Wonder brings out his fighting staff. This is extended to full length for a series of one-handed swings, which Red X parries with the help of the X on the back of one glove, elongated into a short sword. Next, Robin hurls himself out of his seat toward the adversary, who easily shoves him back with one arm so that he must somersault back onto the R-Cycle.)
(Ding Dong Daddy, meanwhile, has continued to motor along; he addresses the combatants through his bullhorn.)
Ding Dong Daddy: Cool moves! That cat's a blast!
(Whether he is referring to Robin or Red X is open to question; in an y case, the two are not about to waste any time arguing over it. Robin aims another couple of swings at the skull-masked head, only to have the end of his staff slashed off by the blade on Red X's glove. Turnabout comes when the crimson weapon is swung at the Titan's own head, forcing him to swerve out of the way. This gives Red X the opening he needs to pull ahead before Ding Dong Daddy drops out of sight over a hill. The blade has now been tucked away just as quickly as it emerged.)
(The two choppers catch a great deal of air off the peak; in the process, Red X swings his bike around and nearly takes Robin's head off with the front wheel. When they slam down again, the latter cuts across the road in hopes of slipping past.)
Robin: Why are you doing this? You're only helping him!
Red X: You've got it all wrong, kid. I'm only interested in helping myself. That case is up for grabs, and I'm gonna grab it. (Robin pulls even.)
Robin: It means nothing to you. It's only valuable to me.
Red X: I wouldn't be so sure.
(Robin looks back and finds a wall of exhaust fumes catching up fast.)
Red X: I can think of a few people who might like to buy it off me when I win.
(Close-up of the smoke, panning slowly across to the sound of roaring engines as it slowly dissipates. Many more vehicles are present here and on the move, as follows: a black convertible; Gizmo's giant tire; Mad Mod, driving a small clock tower turned on its side; a huge, open jack-in-the-box with an oversized copy of the Puppet King's head bobbing at the end of its spring and the crazed marionette in a driver's seat on the crown; a pink limousine; the Amazing Mumbo at the wheel of an enormous, upended top hat; a yellow convertible; Doctor Light, at the controls of a device that looks something like a motorcycle suspended in a giant light bulb pointed straight ahead; and Rancid, steel helmet and all, on his fearsome red-and-black chopper. Gizmo's all-points bulletin at the start of this act certainly reached a sizable audience.)
(Cut to a close-up of Robin's suddenly worried face, turned to look back over his shoulder at the approaching competition, and zoom in before fading to black.)
(Opening shot: the school bus full of bad guys that Raven and Starfire bluffed their way onto in Act Two. The bottle rocket on its roof has been ignited and is propelling the vehicle along at a most unsafe speed. Zoom in on one window and dissolve to inside; the zoom, now much slower, continues toward the still-disguised Titans. As before, Starfire pitches her voice low for the next two lines.)
Starfire: And then, after I took control of the city, I required my likeness to be carved from solid cheese, in every home.
(Brief pause, followed by confused talk from the authentic villains.)
Starfire: With the assistance of Henchy, of course.
("Henchy"'s allergy to chicken feathers flares up in the form of a sneeze that shakes the horns right off her head.)
Starfire: (normal voice) Gulufnog.
(That change of tone shuts everyone up in a hurry and prompts them to trade a round of surprised stares-she has completely blown her cover. Pull back slowly as the villains get out of their seats with a rising growl.)
Voice 2: Get 'em!
(During this line, the view dissolves to just outside the bus window. Through the glass, starbolts and black shots flare up, accompanied by the sound of a hearty melee; pull back to frame the entire vehicle, which is suddenly propelled ahead and o.c. by a burst from the bottle rocket.)
(Cut to an S-curve, where the T-Car screeches up into view and away. In close-up, Beast Boy's face has gone a horrid shade of yellow-green, and the spirals whirling above his head show just how close he is to losing his lunch.)
Beast Boy: (groans woozily) I don't feel so good.
Cyborg: You better not get carsick in here!
Beast Boy: (eyeing himself in side view mirror) Look at me, I'm green! I mean, greener than usual green.
(The reflection of Ding Dong Daddy's rolling pit stop appears, accompanied by a horn blast.)
Beast Boy: Huh?
(Forgetting his nausea for the moment, he turns in his seat with a gasp-and an instant later, the T-Car is rammed from behind to jolt him back to normal color. A second hit, a third, and the Titans are knocked ahead into a spin-out. They come to rest sitting broadside on the road; cut to Cyborg, who screams in panic, then pull back to behind his door. Here comes the nightmare fix-it station, bearing down at full speed, but Cyborg straightens out, finds first gear, and speeds away with no time to spare. Side view, seen from the passenger door; Beast Boy is out of sight.)
Cyborg: The T-Car can't take another hit like that!
(His queasy partner sits up into view with a fresh groan and that yellow-green tint plastered all over his face again.)
Beast Boy: Neither can I.
(Hanging his head over the side, he gets ready to give his stomach contents the old heave-ho, but a look to the rear puts those plans on hold. The pursuer's huge shadow extends over him as he voices a terrified cry.)
Beast Boy: Step on it!
(Cyborg floors the gas pedal three times, but nothing happens.)
Cyborg: There's nothing left to step on!
(With the T-Car rolling at maximum speed but unable to stay ahead, Ding Dong Daddy's rig pulls in to envelop and the magenta and yellow gremlins slap a set of suction cups on the windshield. Beast Boy's stomach has settled itself again. The glass is swiftly pulled loose, taking the frame with it, and sets of jointed arms go to work dismantling the engine. Flexible steel hoses tipped with spear points punch into the rear driver's, side door and tear it off; as Beast Boy and Cyborg stare bug-eyed, the big man's door is next to go. These are followed by the rear seats, pulled out in a row by the yellow gremlin with a clamp, and Cyborg watches with an eye full of tears as components go flying past him. The near-breakdown gives way to a grimace of supreme anger.)
Cyborg: That's it! (As he continues, pan to...) Beast Boy, take the wheel. (Stars in eyes.)
Beast Boy: (giddily) Dude! Are you serious?
(Pull back to frame both. He gets his long, denied wish at last, in the form of Cyborg pulling out the steering wheel and handing it to him. A disappointed groan comes out as the perpetually harassed driver vaults over what remains of the dashboard and comes down on one side platform, scaring the crew silly.)
Cyborg: All right, you little grease weasels! It's time for some payback!
(Out comes the hardware: cannon on the right arm, chainsaw on the left. A well-aimed blast wipes out most of the machinery on the side where he has landed, a second punches through the roof just short of the driver, and the next two blow away a clamp and an equipment cabinet. Now we see the entire mobile garage shake from this fusillade, but the green and yellow crazies come out of it intact and leap toward Cyborg to pay back the payback.)
(As the big man fires again, Yellow grabs his shoulders and does its best to get him in a headlock. A swing of the chainsaw misses its target but chops neatly through one of the roof's support columns.)
Cyborg: (throwing it off) Get off me!
(Tilt down to floor level; Green has seized a leg, and it tries to work the whole thing loose for a moment before Cyborg shakes it off. It lands next to Yellow and babbles happily before opening its fist to reveal a screw removed from Cyborg's leg. A confused response is met with some more blabbering and a finger pointed toward the Titan, whose cannon is vaporizing every piece of gear it can reach; he has retracted his chainsaw. Once he finally ceases fire and disarms, the two gremlins nod knowingly to each other, then look in his direction.)
Cyborg: Why are you looking at me like that?
(Each one brings out a cordless screwdriver from behind its back; they have figured out how to make that loose screw work for them.)
(They hurl themselves up at his shoulders, knocking him off balance, and he can manage only a yell as he tumbles backward. Cut to Beast Boy, steering wheel still in hand; all the bodywork has now been removed from the T-Car's chassis along with the rear seats. The sound of the power tools being plied drifts forward to him, after which the camera cuts back to Cyborg, seen from the waist up and moving awkwardly.)
Cyborg: It's one thing to mess with my car...
(Pull back. His ungainly motion is due to the fact that the gremlins have removed his right leg, leaving him to hop after them if he wants it back.)
Cyborg: ...but nobody goes auto-shop on me!
(He tries a diving tackle, missing them but catching the leg.)
Beast Boy: (suddenly panicked) Cyborg!
(The three-limbed Titan looks ahead, face registering the same emotion, and the camera rotates to point straight down the road. The free-for-all is about to enter a...)
Beast Boy: (from o.c.) TUNNEL!! (Back to Cyborg.)
Cyborg: Time to go!
(He snaps his leg back on and bounds into the driver's seat. Just as quickly, he relieves Beast Boy of the steering wheel, fits it back into the dash, and somehow gets the skeleton T-Car to speed ahead. It enters the tunnel without any problem, but Ding Dong Daddy's pit stop is far too big to fit and disintegrates in a mighty explosion when it meets the stonework. Quick pan to the other end, from which screeching tires and bone-rattling crashes emanate for a long moment, and here come Beast Boy and Cyborg. The former has become a horse and is pulling the latter, balanced on one axle and a pair of tires, as fast as his hooves will carry him. Evidently, the T-Car has had all the abuse it can take for one episode and come apart at the seams as well.)
Cyborg: Aw, yeah! The T-Car is still in the race!
(With a snap of the reins, he is pulled o.c. Back at the tunnel exit, Yellow, Green, and Magenta trudge out into daylight, smeared with grease and very much out of sorts. Their disgruntled muttering gives way to a lively round of cursing and fist-shaking.)
(Cut to a slow overhead pan across the late arrivals, starting at Rancid and working across to the black convertible. Its driver can now be discerned as Control Freak, and the vehicle is the one last seen when all the bad guys were starting their engines. The whole thing is contoured as a scaled-up match for his favorite remote. Head-on view of the group, pulling back to put Robin and Red X in frame; they look daggers at each other before turning their attention back to the road. Now the victim of the original robbery zooms ahead to where Ding Dong Daddy waves the loot tauntingly over his rear fender.)
Ding Dong Daddy: There you go, daddy-o! You're gettin' warmer! Much, much warmer!
(On the second half of this line, cut to a close-up of Robin and pull back to put the briefcase in frame as he stretches one set of fingers toward it. The next shot is Ding Dong Daddy again, who slowly pulls away from Robin and out of frame during the following.)
Ding Dong Daddy: Wow, man! You're, like, radioactive!
(Back to him, tucking the case away, then cut to an extreme close-up of the dashboard buttons and pan across them as he tries to make up his mind.)
Ding Dong Daddy: (from o.c.) It's time to chill out.
(He taps one marked with an iceberg and sends jets of vapor from his downward-angled exhaust pipes to blanket the road. In seconds, a sheet of solid ice has stretched from shoulder to shoulder, with a few frosty stalagmites here and there just to make life interesting. Robin and Red X can barely keep themselves upright but manage to continue the pursuit. Now Ding Dong Daddy gets up and perches precariously over the rear fender with an armload of steel balls; he lets them scatter everywhere and they explode all around the two cyclists. The age-old trick of dumping ball bearings on a slick floor to trip someone up has just taken a deadly new turn. A moment later, he is back in the driver's seat and the icing system has shut down.)
Ding Dong Daddy: Code of the road. (widens his lead) There ain't no prizes for second place. Later, gators!
(More balls detonate on all sides of Robin and Red X; the latter jumps his cycle over a stalagmite to take the lead. Cut to his perspective, one ball clattering toward him and bouncing up into his face-then to a long shot of the frozen road after it goes off. Robin zooms up and is soon lost in the thick smoke, from which Red X's bike is first to emerge, skidding on its side with its rider nowhere to be seen. Right behind it is the R-Cycle, intact, upright, with its rider keeping one hand on the throttle and the other locked around Red X's wrist to tow him along.)
(They reach clear pavement, and Robin sets his new passenger on the seat behind himself. Close-up of the black-and-white head.)
Red X: Saving me was a mistake.
(Pan to Robin, whose attention is entirely on the race, then cut to a curtain of exhaust from which the rest of the competitors emerge in short order. Pull back slightly and cut to the pair.)
Red X: The briefcase really means that much to you?
Robin: You have no idea.
Red X: Then go get it.
(Uncharacteristically, generous behavior for someone who has steadfastly maintained that he only looks out for Number One, to be sure. He leaps high off the bike, phases out, and reappears in just the right spot to land on Rancid's handlebars. An angry grimace from the gray thug is met with a palm slapped onto the headlight housing; in extreme close-up, we see a glowing red X here, its four arms lengthening noticeably before the camera pulls back. The one who put it there vaults away over Rancid's head, and Rancid himself gives it a look and decides to abandon ship when it starts to flash and beep. The bike flips end over end a couple of times before the X blows it apart to leave only one tire sliding ahead.)
(Rancid stares dumbfounded at the flaming wreckage as the pink limo races past. Cut to the interior, done out in the shade of pink seen around the ignition switch that was started with the fuzzy-dice keys in Act Two. This is that self-same car; no one is in the back seat for the moment, but the sunroof falls in and Red X drops onto the upholstered cushions. Pull back to show this image as the reflection in the rear view mirror, a very angry Kitten in the front passenger seat, and Fang at the wheel.)
(Back to Red X, who regards them impassively for a second before standing up and turning the X's on his gloves into buzzsaws. These bite into every square inch of bodywork he can reach, starting with the floorboards, and the camera then cuts to an overhead view of the limo as he jumps back out through the sunroof. The entire car splits in half across its width, dissected by those ruthless blades, and the pieces skid out of control to put this couple out of business.)
(Cut to Control Freak, who zooms ahead and watches as the wreck grinds on the asphalt. His celebration is short-lived, though; Red X lands on the hood and fires a stream of viscous adhesive from each palm off to his left. These cross in midair and stick on the side of Mad Mod's rolling clock tower, whereupon the palm ends are stuck onto the sci-fi geek's hood and Red X hurls himself clear. Each vehicle is dragged toward the other; both drivers panic and try vainly to correct the skid, but it is no use and they crash together side by side. The built-up angular momentum caused by the crossed rubber bands causes them to spin far off the road together in a gigantic cloud of dust.)
(Cut to Mumbo, getting remarkably good performance from that super-sized top hat of his. Red X lands behind him, slaps an X on the band, and leaps away; pan along the row as he makes his way across the rest of the row. The explosive flips the hat onto the massive Puppet King head, blocking the wooden man's view and leaving Mumbo high and dry, and the jack-in-the-box topples over right in front of Doctor Light's bulb vehicle. It goes flying, as does the yellow convertible, and now, we can see who is driving: Adonis, decked out in a yellow racing jumpsuit instead of his usual red/gray armor. The A in his hood ornament confirms it.)
(Red X winks out to avoid several thousand pounds of tumbling metal, glass, and wood and materializes a few dozen yards ahead of the chain-reaction wipeout he has just triggered. He sails toward the camera as the view whites out slightly; when he stops, fingers and toes splayed against the lens, Gizmo leans into view and gapes at him. The camera has backed up through the domed side window of his tire.)
Gizmo: Whose side are you on, barf-brain?
Red X: Mine!
(Slapping a palm hard against the glass, he jumps away and leaves a big red X stretching across its entire diameter. This explodes with enough force to take the opposite window and most of the internals with it, and the pint-size Poindexter finds himself skidding in one dome alongside the body of the tire.)
(Yet another nimble leap carries the loose cannon to the roof of the bus in which Raven and Starfire hitched a ride. He is up front, near the nose of the bottle rocket. The camera shifts to point in through the windshield; Raven is driving, Starfire rides shotgun, and all the villains have been deposited in a heap at the back; they came out on the wrong end of the brawl at the start of this act. Both Titans have ditched all vestiges of their disguises. When the black-clad head hangs down into view, they get the daylights scared out of them.)
(Raven gasps at the same time, but his only reaction for the moment is the lifting of a slightly puzzled eyebrow.)
Raven: (making a fist) Need a lift? (He drops onto the hood.)
Red X: Tell Robin we're even, for now.
(He jumps high and disappears. Cut to a long shot of the finish line; everything is nice and quiet here, but the camera rotates down toward the ground and away to point back along the road, where the growl of Ding Dong Daddy's engine is heard in the distance. Here he comes, the dashboard jukebox going full tilt and not a single opponent in sight behind him. After a look back and forth, he pulls out his bullhorn and aims it in that direction.)
Ding Dong Daddy: The Daddy's eyeballin' the finish line, pals and gals! Not another coupe in sight! (Robin pulls up and passes, unnoticed.) If I'm lyin', I'm cryin'!
Robin: Then you better start cryin'!
(A burst of speed puts him farther out in front, but Ding Dong Daddy scowls, leans hard over his wheel, and catches up to ram the R-Cycle. Robin is nearly thrown from his seat when the craft flips briefly onto its rear wheel as a result. Now Ding Dong Daddy eyes his dashboard controls and selects a button marked with a set of jaws; instantly, a steel trap extends from the front and tries to snap Robin in half. The Titan dodges one charge after another but finally gets his rear wheel caught, and the entire bike is lifted clear of the road.)
Ding Dong Daddy: What a drag, cool cat! You got no wheels, and you got no chance!
Robin: Your car might be the first to cross the finish line, (The jaws chew up the whole rear end.) but you won't be in it!
(He leaps at Ding Dong Daddy, who ducks and lets him tumble through empty space, but a grappling hook shoots back up and embeds itself in the rear body panel. The motorhead gives the line a confused look just before it snaps tight, dragging the Boy Wonder in at full speed; the screen flashes white on impact and clears to show Robin pasting a high kick squarely across Ding Dong Daddy's chin. A second flash leaves him bouncing to a stop across the baked pavement; a second later, his car roars by with Robin standing in the driver's seat, one foot perched atop the windshield.)
(The screen fills with exhaust, after which the camera cuts to the big FINISH banner strung up across the line and tilts down to ground level. Robin is first to cross, and he jumps away an instant before the hot rod, with the R-Cycle still in its jaws, crashes into a retaining wall and explodes. When he touches down, the stolen briefcase is in one hand; he eyes it levelly as the camera pans slightly to bring Ding Dong Daddy into view, walking up.)
Ding Dong Daddy: (woozily) What do you say, cool cat? Rematch? Steel City or...bust. (He drops to his knees.) The prize...belongs to the...Daddy.
(He collapses with a groan and passes out; now Robin walks back to him, helmet under his free arm.)
Robin: Code of the road. There's no prize for second place, daddy-o.
(A distant sound of engines draws his attention. Longer shot: Ding Dong Daddy has fallen just short of the finish line, and the bus races by to one side, its bottle rocket punching through the overhead banner. It skids to a stop, the doors open, and Starfire floats out.)
Starfire: Robin! (She flies over, followed by Raven.) You have won!
Raven: We're glad you got your...whatever-it-is back.
Cyborg: (from o.c.) That's right!
(Cut to him, still being pulled by Beast Boy on the T-Car's one surviving axle, on the start of the next line.)
Cyborg: Nothing can stop the T-Car! (These two cross the line.)
Raven: Uh...what T-Car? (Beast Boy resumes human form.)
Beast Boy: (sighs sadly as Cyborg dismounts) It was a sweet ride... (kneels by the axle) ...while it lasted.
(Tears stream from his eyes while Cyborg starts toward the other three.)
Cyborg: Don't sweat it, BB. We'll build another one. The important thing is, we're all back together. (This cheers him up.)
Beast Boy: I guess that's a pretty good prize.
Robin: Actually, I've got another. (holds up the briefcase) All of you took a risk to help me protect this. It's only fair that I show you what's inside.
Raven: You don't need to do that, Robin. Sometimes, secrets aren't meant to be shared. (Beast Boy and Cyborg join them.)
Cyborg: Even with your best friends. (Close-up of Robin.)
Robin: I used to think that...
(Pull back to a from-the-ground view of him and the case; the others lean in close. The hinges are facing us.)
Robin: ...but not anymore.
(There is the click of the lock being released, and he swings the lid up and back toward the camera to black out the screen.)