Pranks A Lot
This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Pranks a Lot" from season three, which aired on October 11, 2004.


[at Palace of Pranks]

SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, here it is. The Palace of Pranks. The greatest novelty shop in Bikini Bottom. All the greatest pranksters shop here. This is where I got my gag Seanut Brittle can! [shows a can of Seanut Brittle] Patrick: Oh boy, Seanut Brittle! Gimmie! [tries to open the can]

SpongeBob: Patrick, wait, it's a booby trap, remember?

Patrick: Nice try, SquarePants, but it's not gonna work this time. I'm gonna have some of your delicious Seanut Brittle! [he opens the can, and fake purple snakes pop out] Where's the Seanut Brittle?

SpongeBob: [laughs] That gets funnier every time you say it, Patrick. Come on, let's go inside.

[Patrick begins to cry]

Patrick: Seanut Brittle? [SpongeBob enters and smells the air]

SpongeBob: Ah...nothing compares to the smell of cheap plastic novelty items. Pranks, gags, and gross-out toys as far as the eye can see! [he walks down an aisle] Isn't it everything I said it would be, Patrick?

Patrick: [in another aisle] Hey, Seanut Brittle! [a bunch of fake snakes pop out] Oh, darn it, not again! [SpongeBob laughs]

Frank: Good to see you, SpongeBob. How's my number-one customer doing?

SpongeBob: Oh great, Frank. This is my friend Patrick. He wants to become a prankster too.

Frank: Well, pleasure to meet you, Patrick. [shakes Patrick's hand, but he has a buzzer so it shocks Patrick. Patrick screams and sucks on his hand] That's your first lesson son, the granddaddy of all pranks. The joy buzzer.

Patrick: I don't get it.

Frank: You don't have to get it! The prank is for the enjoyment of the prankster.

SpongeBob: You see, Patrick, Frank here is the master. I learned all I know about pranks from him. Ok, Frank, let's see what you've got.

Frank: Well, this came in just this morning. [shows package of gum] Have some gum. [Patrick chews the gum but then his head explodes] Ha! Exploding chewing gum. Only $9.95.

Patrick: [His head is gone] I don't get it.

SpongeBob: What can we get for one dollar? [shows a real dollar]

Frank: One dollar will get you this fake gag dollar. [shows a fake dollar] Fool your friends into thinking you've got a real dollar.

SpongeBob: What else have you got?

Frank: [holds up a whoopee cushion] A whoopee cushion?

SpongeBob: Nah.

Frank: [holds up fake vomit] Fake vomit?

SpongeBob: No.

Frank: Real vomit? [the counter is covered in vomit]

SpongeBob: Ew! Don't you have anything good?

Frank: Well, there is one prank that I've been saving for a real top of the line prankster. [Shows spray can] Invisible Spray!

SpongeBob: Wow! Invisible Spray!

Patrick: But I can see it.

SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick, just think of the pranks we could pull with this! [gives Frank some money]

Frank: Good choice. Now be careful with that stuff, boys. It stains clothes.

SpongeBob: Thanks, Frank! [SpongeBob & Patrick are now outside] Here it is, Patrick. The ultimate prank. Invisible Spray!

Patrick: What are we gonna do with it?

SpongeBob: I know! I know! We'll go spray the park bench and then sit on it, and when people walk by, we'll be floating in mid-air! [both think about sitting on an invisible bench, surrounded by people]

Nat: They're floating in mid-air!

Tina: How do they do that? [the thought bubble disappears]

Patrick: That's the ultimate prank! Good idea, SpongeBob! [gives a thumbs up]

SpongeBob: Well, let's get started. [Patrick takes off his shorts]

Patrick: OK, I'm ready.

SpongeBob: Any particular reason you took your pants off?

Patrick: Well, that stuff stains clothes, right?

SpongeBob: That it does, Patrick, that it does! Good thinking. Here, hold this a second. [Patrick takes the can of spray while SpongeBob takes off his pants] Ok, Patrick, give me the can.

Patrick: [hugging the can to his chest] I think since spraying the park bench was my idea, I should get to spray it.

SpongeBob: Patrick, spraying the park bench was my idea.

Patrick: Yeah, but I said it was a good idea!

SpongeBob: Give me that thing! [SpongeBob grabs the can and he and Patrick wrestle over it. SpongeBob accidentally sprays their clothes and they disappear]

Patrick: Hey, the invisible spray works! [bus comes along]

Tom: And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint. [a group of bus people laugh and the bus drives off]

SpongeBob: [covers his lower half] Oh my gosh, Patrick, help me find our clothes! [SpongeBob pats the ground, trying to grab the clothes. Patrick sprays SpongeBob's hand and it disappears]

Patrick: I gotta hand it to you, SpongeBob. You look kinda funny. [Patrick laughs]

SpongeBob: Righty! Where are you? No one messes with Righty! [takes the spray can with his invisible hand] We'll see how you like it! [sprays Patrick making a hole in the middle of his body] Kind of gives you an empty feeling, huh? [Patrick takes the can]

Patrick: Yeah. [sprays one of SpongeBob's eyes] I see what you mean! [SpongeBob takes the spray can and sprays Patrick's lower half]

SpongeBob: No guts, no glory! [laughs]

Narrator: Several bad puns later... [SpongeBob & Patrick are invisible]

Patrick: [shaking the can] Hey, I think this thing is empty!

SpongeBob: [grabs the can and shakes it] Oh no, it can't be! How are we going to pull off the ultimate prank? Thanks a lot, Patrick, you used the last of it! [he throws the can away]

Patrick: Hey, I think I found our pants. [rip] Oops! Here, these are yours.

SpongeBob: Oh, forget the pants, Patrick. Let's get home and wash this paint off. [both start to walk off somewhere together]

Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, do you know what time it is?

SpongeBob: Oh sure, it's...half past invisible!

Patrick: Gee, it's getting late. [they walk up behind Nat]

SpongeBob: Let's ask this guy. Excuse me sir, but do you have the time?

Nat: Sure. [looks at his watch] It's, uhh, ten to three.

SpongeBob: Thank you.

Nat: Don't mention it. [turns around to notice no one is there]

Patrick: Don't mention what?

Nat: Uhh, who said that?

Patrick: Me.

Nat: [screams] Ghosts! [he runs away from them; his eyes pop out]

Nat's eyes: [they scream and jump into a car and drive away]

Patrick: Hey, I'm no ghost! Well, the nerve of that guy and his driving eyeballs.

SpongeBob: Wait a second, Patrick. My brain just hatched an idea!

Patrick: Lay it on me.

SpongeBob: OK, we're invisible, right?

Patrick: Yeah.

SpongeBob: If that guy thought we were ghosts, we could haunt everybody in Bikini Bottom! Oh, it's the ultimate prank!

SpongeBob & Patrick: Whoo! High five! [both give a high five]

SpongeBob: Let's go scare us some suckers.

[At Sandy's Treedome, she is reading a book until she hears a noise. She checks to see what it is, but nothing is there]

Sandy: Well, that's funny. I thought I heard voices. Huh? [she walks up to a glass of juice on the floor] I thought I left that glass of peanut juice on the table. [she walks over to a table with a lamp covered in garbage] And didn't I toss that old lamp out yesterday? And since when did I acquire all these PORTRAITS OF PATRICK?! [Photos of Patrick are on the walls and tables, the rug has his face on them. Sandy turns around and sees SpongeBob & Patrick covered in white sheets]

SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooooooh! We're ghosts! Ooooooooooh! [Sandy laughs]

Sandy: I knew it was you guys! Alright, joke's over. Take off the sheets. [pulls off the sheets and notices there is nothing there] It is ghosts! [Sandy screams and goes into an acorn ship and presses a button that sends her back to Texas. SpongeBob and Patrick leave Sandy's house, laughing]

SpongeBob: Boy, we really scared her!

Patrick: Who's gonna be our next victim?

SpongeBob: A better question would be, who isn't?

[At Mrs. Puff's House, Mrs. Puff sits at the kitchen table about to eat a piece of cake]

Mrs. Puff: Double Dark Deep-Sea Light Diet Cake! [laughs] You will soon be mine. [Cake is eaten out of nowhere. Patrick's face is covered in cake, so he wipes it off and burps loudly] Oh! [gets filled up with air and then lets it out flying all around] Ghooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosts!! [her deflated body lands on the table]

[At Squidward's house, where he is painting and humming to himself. His paintbrush suddenly floats in the air] Squidward: Huh? [the paintbrush paints a mustache under his nose]

SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooh! [Squidward crashes through the wall and runs away]

Squidward: Ghosts!!

[At Goo Lagoon, Bill surfs. An surfboard surfs by itself next to him]

SpongeBob & Patrick: Cow-a-bunga!

Bill: Ghosts! [screams while falling off the board]

Debbie: [waving her arms wildly] Ghosts!

Fred: [eyes bugging out of his head] Ghosts!

Lonnie: Ghosts!

Francis: Ghosts!

Sandals: [holding a piece of toast] Toast.

Harold: [sitting on the toilet] Ghosts!

SpongeBob: [SpongeBob & Patrick are reading a newspaper] It's official! We're the greatest pranksters ever. The whole town thinks we're ghosts. [Patrick is holding his newspaper upside down] Patrick: Yeah. SpongeBob: There's only one guy left to scare, and we'll have pranked everybody in Bikini Bottom. [title of an article says 'Krabs Last To Be Haunted! Says, 'I ain't afraid of no ghosts'] Mr. Krabs... [Patrick's newspaper is upside down] Patrick: It says he isn't scared of ghosts. SpongeBob: We'll see about that!

[At the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs is spying through some blinds]

Mr. Krabs: Ghosts? Ha! I ain't afraid of no ghosts! Every sailor knows a ghost won't come near a fella as long as he's wearing his spotted neckerchief. [grabs a hankerchief] And his dried up Sea Leprechaun. [shows ashes of Leprechaun] And a bit of gold never hurt. [shows a gold necklace around Mr. Krabs neck that says 'Foxy'] But to be on the safe side, I'm also wearing me pants in a Maldon knot. [his underwear is strung up with rope] Got me shivering timber brace. [shows his ankles chained together] And, the hairs on the back of me neck are taped down. [a strip of duct tape covers the hair] And I'm all wrapped up in a suit of anti-ghost armor. [he's wearing a barrel and a headpiece with lanterns hung on it] And if none of this stuff works, I've got me secret weapon, the Specter Deflector! [holds up a paddle ball] So just try and get me, you ghosts! Bring it on. [lights black-out]

SpongeBob & Patrick: Booooooh! Krabs! [the front doors open]

Mr. Krabs: Wha...? [a table and barrel begin to float]

SpongeBob: Krabs, we've come to haunt you! [Mr. Krabs hits the ball with the paddle]

Mr. Krabs: Stay back! I'm well armed.

SpongeBob & Patrick: Oooooooh!

Mr. Krabs: [hits the ball faster] I'm warning you!

SpongeBob & Patrick: Oooooooooh! [The ball suddenly stops. A pair of scissors cuts the ball off the paddle]

Mr. Krabs: Oooooooooh...

SpongeBob & Patrick: Boo!

Mr. Krabs: [breaks out of his armor] UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGHHH! I gotta get out of here! [He runs to the doors, but they don't open] SpongeBob: You can't escape, Krabs. We've glued the door shut. [the door is held closed with a long strip of glue]

Mr. Krabs: You'll never get me! UACK! [tries to break through the window, but gets thrown back into a table]

Patrick: Nice try, Krabs, but we replaced all the glass with rubber. [Mr. Krabs dives into the toilet but gets stuck. He pulls himself out and sits on the floor dazed]

SpongeBob: Too late, Krabs. We've already Cloooggged All The Toooiiiiillleeeetttts! [The toliet is stuffed with toilet paper. Mr. Krabs cowers in a corner] Mr. Krabs: Please, spirits, leave me be!

Patrick: [laughs] We got him good, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Wait, Patrick, I've got one more idea. [to Mr. Krabs] You're going to pay, Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: No, spirits, please! [a dollar floats in the air]

SpongeBob: Pay!

Mr. Krabs: No!

SpongeBob: Ooooh! [a lighted match floats up near the dollar]

Mr. Krabs: No! Don't burn me dollar! [takes a bucket of water and throws it at the dollar. The water drips on SpongeBob & Patrick, making them reappear. They laugh, not noticing they're visible] Well well well, if it isn't SpongeBob and Patrick! SpongeBob: [wiggling his arms and legs like a ghost] I know not these names which you speak!

Patrick: Uhh, SpongeBob? SpongeBob, we're visible again. [SpongeBob looks down, then he and Patrick scream and cover their lower halves. Mr. Krabs lifts them up by the back of their necks as they try to run]

Mr. Krabs: So you two are the Bikini Bottom ghosts.

SpongeBob: We're really sorry, Mr. Krabs. Please don't chop us into little pieces and eat em! [Mr. Krabs puts them down]

Mr. Krabs: Hey, come on boys, I'm hip! I pulled my share of pranks when I was your age. Had me some laughs. That's what we did tonight, right? We had a good laugh. Come on, laugh with me! [all laugh] Uhh, any particular reason you boys are naked?

SpongeBob: Yeah, the invisible paint stains clothes. [Mr. Krabs laughs]

Mr. Krabs: Course it does! Well, you two better hurry home, before someone sees ya nude. SpongeBob: Yeah, I think I'd die of embarrassment if that happened. Patrick: Me too. Mr. Krabs: Woo, now we wouldn't want that, would we? It's getting late now. You two pranksters better get going.

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, thanks for being such a good sport.

Mr. Krabs: Don't mention it. [SpongeBob and Patrick walk into the main area]

SpongeBob: That Mr. Krabs, always looking out for me. What a guy.

Patrick: Yeah. [a white, round light shines on SpongeBob & Patrick]

Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krab presents... Live Nude Pranksters! [He is shown shining the light on them from the crow's nest] Starring the Bikini Bottom Ghosts! [everyone laughs and cheers as SpongeBob & Patrick try to cover up their bodies]

SpongeBob & Patrick: [they scream and Mr. Krabs laughs teasingly. Sandy whistles at them as Mrs. Puff takes a picture. Squidward laughs. SpongeBob and Patrick keep trying to cover themselves]

SpongeBob: Patrick!

Patrick: Yeah?

SpongeBob: We should have bought the whoopee cushion!

Time Card

  • Several Bad Puns Later
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