[At the Chum Bucket, with Plankton working on The Analyzer.]
Karen: Oh Planky-bear? Plankton?
[Plankton ignores her]
Plankton: What? What is it, Karen? Can't you see I'm working there! [points right close to the electronic components of The Analyzer]
Karen: Yes, but I wanted you to show you my new screensaver. [Shows a screensaver full of flying cake mixers] What do you think?
Plankton:[sarcastically, not looking at her, and still building electrical components] Great.
Karen:[rolls towards Plankton] You didn't even look.
Plankton: Ehh... [looks at Karen] No, I didn't! Can't you see I'm working on my new molecular analyzer? [The Analyzer starts picturing whatever Plankton says] Now all I need is the smallest molecule of a patty and the formula will be mine!
Karen: Just tell me if I should permanently upload the screensaver!
Plankton: I said not now– [accidentally switches The Analyzer on and he gets sucked up by The Analyzer's tube] oww-oww!
[Plankton gets processed into the various machines. He gets smashed by a boot and flipped, dragged over by a robot hand to be wringed out by two other robotic hands. Liquid Plankton goes into another machine to be zapped and processed into binary dump. Plankton makes drowning noises as he is being processed into binary dump.]
The Analyzer: Analyzing... 30% mean guy, 20% spiteful monster, 50% evil butt-head. Sample is... 100% big jerk. [Pushes out Plankton, who is now back in his normal form] I have also analyzed your screensaver, Karen. It is most beautiful! [Rainbow appears on his screen]
Plankton: No one asked you! [Smashes The Analyzer with a wrench] Are you happy now, Karen?
Karen: No, I'm not! I was just trying to make myself pretty for you, but do you even care? All you ever do is make stupid schemes about stupid sandwiches!
Plankton: Stupid? Your new screensaver is stupid and it makes your processor look fat!
Karen:[her screen becomes fire] What?!
Plankton: Oop! Okay, let's all calm down before you say something you'll regret!
Karen: You know what? No one talks to me like that! Get out!
Plankton: I will not get out! This is my restaurant and no one can make me... [gets kicked out] leave!! [lands on his face] Ow! Karen, baby. Come on, sugar lips, you know I'm sorry for everything I said.
[Karen barricades the front door with iron bars.]
Medley Fishbowl: I accept your apology.
Plankton: I wasn't taking to you, idiot! [Medley lifts his foot and steps on him.] Pain! [gets up from squished form] Okay, Karen, fun is fun, but it's time to let me back in. Come on, I really need to use the potty!
[Karen barricades the front door with steel doors and lasers.]
Plankton: Fine, I don't need you or the Chum Bucket! I got plenty of friends around here who would love to take me in!
[The scene changes to Plankton talking to Mr. Krabs at his house.]
Plankton: So is it cool if I crash here?
Mr. Krabs: No!
Plankton: Then can I just use your bathroom?
[Mr. Krabs slams the door in Plankton's face and sends him flying in front of SpongeBob.]
SpongeBob: Plankton, I know where this is going. I'd love it if you'd stay with me!
Plankton: Are you crazy? You're the most annoying sponge in the sea. I wouldn't stay with you if you were the last person in Bikini Bottom.
[SpongeBob slurps on a drink. Plankton whimpers over this.]
SpongeBob: Suit yourself.
[SpongeBob walks off as he slurps his drink.]
Plankton: Okay, fine! [follows SpongeBob]
[The scene changes to SpongeBob's house. Plankton comes out of the bathroom.]
Plankton: Whew! Much better. Thanks for letting me use your bathroom.
SpongeBob:[laughs] Silly, that's not my bathroom.
Plankton: Well, in that case, you're gonna need some new shoes.
SpongeBob: Oh, boy! Does this mean you're gonna stay with me?
SpongeBob: Yeah! [pulls a string and confetti, a banner, and balloons fall down] We're gonna be the best roommates ever! Oh! Wanna do each other's hair? [laughs]
Plankton: Oh, forget this!
[Plankton attempts to leave, but SpongeBob grabs him and carries him while laughing.]
French Narrator: Many unbearable hours later...
[SpongeBob and Plankton are watching a movie.]
Male Actor: Oh, my love, what a fool I've been. You've always been the only one for me. [kisses his love]
[Plankton gets teary. He takes out a picture of himself with Karen and looks at it. Plankton starts to cry.]
SpongeBob: Aw, Plankton. I am so sorry that Karen threw you out.
Plankton: Threw me out? I threw her in! [throws away the picture]
SpongeBob: Hey, this is your safe place. It's okay to talk about your feelings. [rubs Plankton's head] Oh, somebody's tense!
Plankton: Hey! What? Get off! Get—Oh! [moans and laughs] Oh, that's the spot.
SpongeBob: Now, tell SpongeBob why you and Karen got into a fight.
Plankton: I don't know, I was just doing the same things I always do.
SpongeBob: Well, if Karen threw you out for doing the same things you always do, maybe you should learn to not do the same things you always do!
Plankton: But I'm the best.
SpongeBob: Well, sometimes you can get a little...aggressive.
Plankton: Me, aggressive?! How dare you?! [punches and smacks SpongeBob's spongy body until he becomes exhausted] Maybe you're right. I can be a big jerk sometimes. I command you to help me be a nicer person! [blushes then shakes SpongeBob's right eye] I mean, will you please, please help me be a nicer person so Karen will take me back?
SpongeBob: Plankton, in a word: yes!
[The scene changes to outside of SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob is with Plankton and Patrick and has a door nest to them.]
Plankton: What is that dimwit doing here?
Patrick: Ahh! Oh, behind me! Oh, get away!
Plankton: Will you stop that?! There's no one behind you! You're the dimwit.
Patrick: Oh. Thanks!
SpongeBob: All right, Plankton, the first step to becoming a nicer person is being thoughtful. Try holding a door for someone. It's simple, and it makes people happy. Like this. [opens door] After you.
Patrick:[laughs] I'm happy, SpongeBob! [kisses SpongeBob as he enters through the door; SpongeBob laughs as he closes it] Can someone get me out of here? [SpongeBob opens the door] Whew!
SpongeBob: All right, Plankton. Now you try!
Plankton: Fine, but if he kisses me, I'm gonna lose it. [Patrick skips happily to the door] Ugh. After you.
[Plankton struggles to open the door, but it's too big and heavy for him to open. He continues to struggle until his eye pops out. SpongeBob picks him up.]
[SpongeBob puts Plankton's eye back together and places him near a smaller door.]
SpongeBob: Try this one.
Plankton:[opens smaller door] After you.
Patrick: But I can't fit through there.
Plankton: How dare you reject my act of kindness! Yah!
[Patrick jumps and flies into the smaller door, making him stuck. Plankton punches Patrick's butt.]
SpongeBob: Plankton, no!
Patrick: Can someone get me out of here?
[Plankton punches Patrick's butt and SpongeBob sighs. The scene changes back inside SpongeBob's house.]
SpongeBob: Okay, Plankton, since you don't seem to be able to do something nice, in this lesson you're going to learn to say something nice.
SpongeBob: Great. So turn to Patrick and say something nice.
[Plankton turns to Patrick, who is in a goofy appearance.]
Plankton: Uh...Patrick, you're not a total moron. Just half of one.
SpongeBob: No, try again.
Plankton: Fine. Your color pink is not so repugnant.
Patrick: Thanks! I like...um...your antennas.
Plankton: What? What's wrong with my antennas?!
SpongeBob: Plankton, Patrick was complimenting you.
Plankton: Yeah, right! You two are mocking me! [punches SpongeBob and Patrick's bodies]
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob? Do you think this is working?
SpongeBob: No, I think we better try something else.
[Plankton collapses from exhaustion. The scene changes back to outside of SpongeBob's house.]
Plankton: It's no use, SpongeBob. I'm just too brilliant to be nice! I'll never get Karen back now.
SpongeBob: Oh, yes, you will! We obviously can't fix your terrible insides, but maybe, just maybe, we can work on your terrible outsides. Makeover time!
[The scene changes back inside SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob gives Plankton a makeover and makes him look like a 1960s hippie. He gives him another makeover and makes him look like a 17th century judge. He gives him various makeovers and makes him look like a cowboy from the old west, a motorcycle gangster, and a cute little schoolgirl.]
[SpongeBob goes behind the changing curtain and changes himself to look like a high school girl. He puts Plankton in his pocket vest. SpongeBob looks at himself in the mirror. Plankton growls in anger and hops out of the pocket vest. He takes a bowling ball, puts it in the pocket vest, and sends SpongeBob crashing into a wall. The scene changes to them sitting on the sofa.]
Plankton:[takes off wig] Forget it, SpongeBob. Karen's the perfect woman: so smart, so conniving! Ah, she's never gonna take me back.
SpongeBob: Oh, yes, she is. You just need to do something big. Be vulnerable, be sweet. Show Karen your heart. [points to Plankton's chest]
Plankton: That's a great idea! I'll cook up a scheme to make her jealous and crush her spirit! [laughs but turns to SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: That wasn't even close to what I said.
Plankton: Sure it was. And I know just how to do it. [mimics cat meow]
SpongeBob: Okay, I feel uncomfortable.
[The scene changes to the Chum Bucket. Plankton is straightening out his bowtie and SpongeBob is in a handmade robot costume.]
SpongeBob: Plankton, are you sure about this?
Plankton: Of course I'm sure! Now, start doing a robot voice. Remember, you're not SpongeBob anymore; you're Shelby Naughtica.
SpongeBob:[in robot voice] Oh, I like that! [enters the Chum Bucket with Plankton] Boop beep! Beep boop boop!
Karen: Welcome to the Chum Bucket! [notices Plankton] Oh. It's you. What do you want?
Plankton: Yes, hello. I would like your most romantic table for myself and my beautiful date, Shelby Naughtica, the robot.
SpongeBob: Beep boop! [laughs robotically]
Karen: Hmm. [analyzes SpongeBob's costume] Mm-hmm. Shelby Naughtica, huh? Oh, what a beautiful name.
SpongeBob: Thank you! [gets kicked in the foot by Plankton] Ow! [in robot voice] I mean, thank you. Whoa! Beep boop beep bo boop!
[SpongeBob and Plankton sit at a table.]
Karen: I'll be right back with our lovers' special.
[Karen heads to the kitchen.]
Plankton:[laughs] This is going so great, SpongeBob! Karen is totally jealous!
[Karen comes back with a bucket of raw chum meat and a bucket of greasy nuts and bolts.]
Karen: Here we go. I whipped up a special batch of chum for you, and for your lovely robot date, a bucket of grease chock-full of nuts and bolts.
SpongeBob: Plankton, I don't want to eat this!
Plankton: Don't you ruin this for me, SpongeBoob. Just eat it!
[Plankton and SpongeBob eat their meals as Karen confidently watches them. SpongeBob and Plankton swallow their food.]
Plankton: Ugh. [grabs SpongeBob's hand] Oh, my dear, Shelby Naughtica, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eye on.
SpongeBob: Oh, Plankton-poo! You say the sweetest things.
Karen:[scoffs] Oh, brother.
Plankton: I never knew what love was until I met you.
SpongeBob: Oh! You have made me the happiest girl robot in the world!
Karen: Hey, you! Get your hands off my man!
SpongeBob: You better step off, lady. No one can make Plankton happy like I can. We are soulmates, and we're going to get married and print 1,347 babies. [various papers of robot pictures fly out of SpongeBob's costume]
Plankton: 1,000 what?!
Karen: Oh, well, you're really in love. I won't stand in your way. Plankton's all yours.
Plankton: No! The whole point of this scheme was for me to get Karen back, and now you're ruining it!
SpongeBob:[takes off his costume] Sorry, Plankton. You just said nice things to me.
Karen: Wait a second. You're not just being a jerk? You mean, you cooked this whole stupid scheme up to win me back?
Plankton: Of course I did. [jumps on SpongeBob's head] I'd do anything for you, baby, even hang out with this moron.
SpongeBob: Oh, that is so sweet!
Karen: Get over here, you.
[Plankton kisses Karen's screen. Karen turns on the screensaver she showed him earlier in the episode.]
Plankton: Eww, it's that fat screensaver again.
Karen:[her screen becomes fire again] What?!
[Karen jumps onto Plankton and begins beating him up.]
Plankton: Now, Karen, take it easy!
SpongeBob: I'm gonna go now. [runs out of the Chum Bucket]
Karen: My motherboard was right about you! She warned me about you! And I should've listened to her!
[The Chum Bucket jumps up and down from the beatings inside. Plankton is thrown out again like he was earlier in the episode.]