This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Picture Day" from season five, which aired on August 2, 2007.


  • [Gary is snoring until the alarm horn blows. SpongeBob's blanket flies off but reveals a box for SpongeBob's body, a fork for the nose, and two potatoes for the feet.]
  • SpongeBob: [laughs] Nice try, "alarmy," but you've got to get up pretty early to wake me up on "picture day!"
  • Gary: Meow. [crawls under SpongeBob's blanket]
  • SpongeBob: Now, if you'll excuse me, Gary, I must go make myself picturesque. [cut to SpongeBob putting a vacuum on his face then using a rolling pin to make his face shine. Then he gets some red and blue paint to paint the stripes on his socks. Next, he rolls on some paint for his pants and uses a white crayon for his teeth. He puts on a black wig and then he turns it into The Beatles' hairstyle, then a Jamaican hairstyle, and shaves it off] Perfect! I'm ready. Whoo-hoo!
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [humming until a piece of seaweed lands on him; he then gasps loudly and peels it off, leaving a green residue on his clothes] Fine, fine, not to worry, no problem. [goes back to his house and repeats what he did earlier] I'm ready, again!
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: It's time to take a corrective approach. [grabs an umbrella and goes outside again] Good morning Squidward! I'd love to stop and chat right now, but it's Picture Day. Whoa! [gets grabbed by the claw of a garbage truck and dumped into the pile of garbage in the back of the truck. Umbrella opens more trash and Squidward laughs. SpongeBob spits out a trash bag and then cuts to SpongeBob changing again. This time, SpongeBob brings the trash bin to the garbage truck claw and then walks to school again]
  • SpongeBob: Still looking good, Spongy, and Boating School is just around the corner. [crowd is screaming and running away]
  • Harold: Take cover! The teenagers, they've been let out of school and they're pelting us with balloons filled with... [gets hit with a balloon that leaves a red pile of goo on his back; SpongeBob tastes it]
  • SpongeBob: Ketchup?
  • Harold: Save yourself, kid! [a fish runs by in the background, yelling in fear] I'm finished! [SpongeBob runs away while dodging all the balloons; he hides behind a dumpster but there is a kid waiting for him with a ketchup bottle]
  • Teenager: Gotcha!
  • SpongeBob: Wait, wait, don't squirt! Please, you've got to spare me. I've got picture day today.
  • Teenager: Oh, pictures, huh? Well, let me help you with your makeup, HAH! [squirts ketchup at SpongeBob but SpongeBob blocks ketchup with his tongue and jumps away; more teenagers run towards SpongeBob but he notices a hot dog stand and hides on the top where the giant hot dog is posing as a slice of cheese]
  • SpongeBob: Well, I'm not sure how I did it, but I... [gets squirted with ketchup by an old man who missed his hot dog]
  • Old Man: Fiddlesticks, missed again. [cut to SpongeBob changing again]
  • SpongeBob: And now, as an extra precaution to keep me looking shiny and new... [takes out small pink bottle labeled "Sponge Gloss" and puts some on his whole body.] No grime can penetrate the glossy sheen of... [the gloss starts to sparkle] Sponge Gloss. [sparkles; dodges everyone by hiding in all places, then he spots the Boating School] There it is. So close, and still so shiny. [the sun comes out and its beams reflect off the gloss and into a truck driver's eyes that causes him to crash and spill water on SpongeBob, making the gloss come off] Hey, it's just water. [a truck filled with stamps crashes and spills stamps all over SpongeBob] Aww! Stamps?! [he tries taking them off but a truck spills oatmeal all over SpongeBob] Oatmeal! [a truck filled with glue spills all over SpongeBob] Glue. [shows all the crashed trucks; cut to SpongeBob taking a shower and brushing all the stuff off him]
  • Patrick: Hey, buddy.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, a little privacy here.
  • Patrick: Oh, sorry, SpongeBob. I just came over to borrow some jelly.
  • SpongeBob: Well, go ahead, but I don't have time to play right now. I am late for picture day, and I just can't seem to get to school without being covered by unsightly debris. If only I had a sealed barrier to protect me from the filth of the outside world.
  • Patrick: I have a solution. [licks up all the jelly]
  • SpongeBob: Ew!
  • Patrick: Ah. I have solved my hunger problem.
  • SpongeBob: That's it! [jumps in the jar] This jelly jar will insulate me from the dirty dregs of Bikini Bottom. If you don't mind, Patrick, we don't have much time. [Patrick runs to the Boating School with SpongeBob still in the jar]
  • Patrick: We're here. Hey, what did I bring jelly for?
  • SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick...
  • Patrick: Oh, yeah. I was gonna put it on this peanut butter taco.
  • SpongeBob: No, no, no, no, no, Patrick! I'm not jelly, I'm not jelly! [is poured into the taco]
  • Patrick: Huh?! SpongeBob, get out of my taco! [SpongeBob stands up; the taco shell goes down his face; SpongeBob looks down to see that he is covered in peanut butter; he cries] What's the matter, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I just wanted to take a decent picture today because someday, I will graduate from Boating School and I don't want to be remembered as the guy covered in peanut butter and taco shells! [SpongeBob continues sniveling]
  • Mrs. Puff: Oh, there you are! [takes SpongeBob inside; Patrick licks his taco. Meanwhile, the photographer is taking another lady's picture]
  • Photographer: Say cheese. [takes the picture]
  • Mrs. Puff: And here's the last one. Now, just give a nice smile to the camera, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Wait, can I go home and change first?
  • Photographer: No time. Say cheese.
  • SpongeBob: [sobbing] Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese!
  • Photographer: Quit that moody brooding. This will clean you up. [takes a hose and sprays the peanut butter off with water] Don't snivel like that. A winner doesn't snivel. Try putting this on. [SpongeBob puts on a green outfit] This is it. Now you are looking like a winner. [SpongeBob cries when he looks at his outfit]
  • Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, please stop crying so he can take the picture.
  • Photographer: Do not worry, Mrs. Puff. I brought Pearlie.
  • SpongeBob: I can't stop crying!
  • Photographer: [opens up his briefcase that has a giant pair of dentures in it] This will make you smile, yeah, whether you want to or not. [puts the giant teeth in SpongeBob's mouth] Say cheese.
  • SpongeBob: Cheese. [picture is taken. Later at home] There I am. [looking at his "Cautious Memories" book] Hey, I don't look so bad after all! [everyone in the book is smiling like SpongeBob]
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