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Elliot: The forest in spring! A time of renewal! Of rebirth! Of unbridled optimism! When new beginnings begin... ...and where the mighty mule deer... ...prepares for his upcoming mating ritual. One lucky doe will get to spend her life with this fine specimen of a buck. His magnificent antlers, a testament to his great prowess... ...his strength, his masculinity, his awesomeness! His super- incredible coolness! His amazing kick-butt-ocity! - Ladies and gentlemen, here I... - All right, Elliot. Enough about your new rack already, man. Aye. Give it a rest, you freak of nature. - We grow tiresome of this talk of rack. - It's true. We do. - He's right, you know. - Boring. Like I never talk about anything else. Have you seen my new horns? They're completely natural. All me. Yes! That tree is huge. Like my antlers! Yeah! Yes! Oh, my rack is huge. Yes! Well, this time, I have something big to say. You know, not as big as my antlers. I got you again, yes! - Nailed it! - Oh, come on. - We got a ceremony to get to. - Okay, okay, okay. I'd just like to thank you... ...Boog, Mr. Weenie, Buddy, Serge, Deni and McSquizzy... ...my closest, dearest friends, for being here for me... ...on the most important day of my life. Yeah. You're welcome. Now, let's... Unfortunately, the bachelor buck stops here. But I begin a new chapter with Giselle... ...my doe, my deer, my female deer. - That's a really nice thought... - As my single life ends... ...finishes, expires, perishes... ...goes down in a blazing ball of flames with no survivors...! Elliot, relax. - Now, let's get a move on, man. - Yeah, we go to the wedding. Wedding? - Nuptials. - Okay, just one minute. - Let's get this over with. - Hold on. Be right there. Just polished these boys, don't wanna scratch them. Hurry, Elliot! Come on. I'm falling. - Careful! - Oh, snap. - Too late. - Oh, that was smooth. Elliot, don't look. - Oh, he looked. - He's going to blow. Everybody, duck! - Was that Elliot? - I'm telling you... ...when you're in love, you hear your man's voice everywhere. - You know it, girl. - You got that right. Oh, Maria. Doesn't she look beautiful? - Thank you, Rosie. - Our sweet Giselle's getting hitched. - I think I'm gonna cry. - Oh, it's okay. - Elliot? - Well, hello there, ladies. - Oh, hi, Ian. - Hello, Ian. Just want to inform you that the ceremony begins... ...at 0800 hours. - Good to know. If it all goes according to plan... And it will. - We'll finish up at 0900 hours... ...with a berry and dewdrop reception brunch to follow. - Great. Thanks, Ian. - Not a problem. Oh, and, Giselle, there's still some time... ...if you'd rather be served some beefcake instead of the pansy-loaf... ...if you know what I mean. And I think you do. I don't generally go for venison, but... ...girl, that dish is fine. - Don't you know it. - Don't you know it. No, thank you. Elliot is all the man I'll ever need.
Elliot: My rack. My beautiful rack. Stop boo-hooing, you wee jessie. - They'll grow back. - Yeah, they're gonna grow back. Just like the last time you broke them, man. And the time before that. - And the time before that. - What if it's a sign? - A sign not to get... - Get what? - Married. See this here? Now, this is sad. - Poor Elliot. - We need a diversion. Hey, I know just the diversion... ...to take his mind off his antler. We break his hoof with a large stone. - Yeah, a large stone! - A boulder. I can't believe it. I mean, I can't... I know what you're do... Seriously, quit it... - I can totally see what you're doing. - Come on, Elliot. If there's one thing I am not in the mood for... ...it is a rabbit fight! - Rabbit fight! Gregalach! You're going down, fat bear! Stay! Sit. Now, count to 10. What are you doing? He's getting away. Boog gave me a command to count to 10, so I... I can't believe I fell for that. I must never be weak again. You don't know what it was like living with the humans. If they say "sit," you sit. If they say "fetch," you fetch. You must stay alert, or they will steal our freedom... ...and lock us up forever und ever. - Forever und ever? But you broke free. How did you do it? - What's the secret? - Never forget who you are in here. A vulnerable child... ...who just wants to be loved? - No! A wild animal who relies on no one but himself. - Now, say it with me. I'm wild! - I'm wild. - With conviction. I'm wild! - I'm wild! Now, let's go find the fat bear. I can't believe it, Bob. It's been a whole year since we saw Mr. Weenie. I know he's still out there. I can feel it. Can you feel it, Bob? - Well, I... - Mr. Weenie! Mr. Weenie! Do you think he'll find our biscuit trail, Bob? Do you think he'll come back to us, Bob? Do you think Mr. Weenie's safe out there, Bob? Boog will never find me. Now, where is that Weenie? Guten tag, fat bear! I am victorious! Show-off. I'm gonna have to check the rule book. Mortal combat! He got me! Great shot, Elliot. You won, man. Nobody ever expects... ...the falling-down-the- tree- in-pain manoeuvre. - Very clever, mule deer. - He cracks me up. - He surprised you good on that one. - Oh, is that right? - It's true. - Game over. All right, now, let's get cleaned up. - Time for Elliot to tie the knot. - Already? No! This was the best stag party ever... ...which has to keep going. Please, rabbits to throw. Oh, grow up, you big baby. - Let's get moving. - Boog... ...do you think I'm doing the right thing here? Marrying Giselle? What I'm wondering is, is Giselle doing the right thing? I'm just kidding you. Now, will you relax? We're gathered today for a very serious occasion. Elliot? What happened? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing. - Are you all right? - Oh, yes. Yes. I couldn't be better. Just had a little trim off the top. Giselle and Elliot... ...have courted and made the decision to join together forever... ...and ever. Is he okay? Forever and ever? Still time to change your mind. - What? - Wait, I knew about forever. Guys, but what's this about "and ever"? - Be cool. - Nobody said anything... ...about an additional "and ever. "
Mr. Weenie: No! The food of oppression. I must be strong. Oh, maybe just a taste. I'd like to ask the buck to step forward... ...for a ceremonial displaying of the antlers... Antler. - To show his commitment to his doe. - Seriously. Still time. - Not gonna happen.
Mr. Weenie: Oh, so good. I'm weak! How could I?
Ian: Do you, Giselle, take Smelliot... - Ian. - To be your lifelong mate? I do. And do you, Elliot... ...take Giselle to be your lifelong mate? That's you. Your line. You go now. Elliot. Go on, man. - That's your cue. Go, go. - Don't be shy. Come on. Say it, you ninny. Elliot, are you okay? Come on, step it up. I got a buck mitzvah at 3. - Weenie! Weenie! - Weenie? - What, are you speaking French?
Elliot: Weenie! Oh, no! Elliot? Where are you going? Weenie, come back! - Stop. Weenie! - I must be strong. - Weenie! Weenie!
Mr. Weenie: So good.
Elliot: Weenie, over here! Weenie! Here, boy! Weenie!
Mr. Weenie: Oh, no. Full moon.
Bobbie: Is that you? Mr. Weenie! It's you! It's you! I can't believe it's you! It's a miracle. He's been captured! - What am I gonna do? - Bob, it worked! Oh, no, this is terrible. Everything is okay. Mommy is here. He's being tortured! No! - No! - No! No! No! - What are you doing? - What's this all about? - You better have a good explanation. - Yes! Yes, I do. - Oh, I can't wait to hear this excuse. - It was horrible. Weenie was minding his own business when she appeared. He screamed, but she ignored his cry. And then she grabbed him with her claws. Oh, my goodness. Then she tried to squeeze the life out of him. - That's horrible. - Sad story. But he fought back. Oh, she tortured him. Slapped him. Poked his eyes out, like this. It was horrible! It was the worst thing I've ever seen! Oh, the humanity! Elliot, are you maybe putting a little bit too much on that? Listen, Boog, I'm telling the story. And finally, the hairless blob dragged him off... ...into her chariot of horror! Wait, wait, wait. So, what you're saying is... - Mr. Weenie's been kidnapped! - No. - For real? - Yes, it's true. - Tough break. I miss him already. - What now? Well, we could finish the ceremony. Come on. I worked hard on those centrepieces. As much as Elliot and I wanna finish the ceremony... ...we need to go after Mr. Weenie. - Giselle's right! And until he's back in the safety of our friends and family... ...in the warm caress of our bosoms... ...there will be, there can be, no celebration. So, what can we do? Probably halfway to the valley's end by now. So? We can't give up. We didn't give up on the hunters when they raided the forest. We can't give up on our friend Weenie. The Boogster's right. Who's with me? Oh, yeah. Count me in. - Me too. - Okay. Good. Who else is in? I'm beeling at them bajins. So let's quit bumping the gums... ...and give them a right chibbing! I'm not sure what Squiz just said, but I'll take that as a yes. - Yes! It's a yes! - I'm in too. - Me too. - I'm with you, buddy. Sorry, I got the wife and kids. You turn your back on the pelts for one second... ...all heck breaks loose. I'm out. - Oh, leave it to the beaver. In your dreams. I just had my nails done, girl. Sounds fun, but I gotta stay back and protect the herd. You're all a bunch of meek- minded, yellow-bellied, pansy-a... As McSquizzy is trying to say... ...a smaller group is probably better anyway. - We can move faster. - Let's get a move on. Move out, boys. - Elliot? - Yeah? You're going the wrong way, you big daftie! I know that. Fall in. Oh, Mr. Weenie, we've been looking for you for so long. It must've been horrible out there all alone in the wild. Oh, no one's gonna believe it! Should I call the caravan, Bob? Breaker, breaker, Fox Jaws. - This is Mudflaps and Wild Man. - Copy that. Over. You'll never guess. We found Mr. Weenie! It's true! Say hello, Mr. Weenie. - Did you hear that? - Congrats, Mudflaps. Good to hear! What's that, Bob? Oh, Wild Man says we need to make a pit stop for a fill-up. We'll see you over at the campground. - Over. - Break er, break er, happy travellers. Put your ears on, I've got great news! Mudflaps and Wild Man found their long-lost weenie dog! Over. Oh, man, is this good. Hey, Fifi, you want some? You know, Roberto, those doggy treats... ...are filled with carbohydrates. And if I could pronounce that word, that would mean what? It would mean you should stick to the lean proteins... ...the meats, the poultries. How are you gonna look sitting by the pool? - I don't know. Hot and really happy. - That was rhetorical, moron. Put down the treats. You've eaten enough. I'm going to pretend I didn't see that. - Hey, Fifi? - Yes? How long do you think it'll be till we stop? Because I gotta poop. Seriously, I gotta poop really bad. I said it was going to be a long ride, but you never listen. Just like you didn't listen when I told you not to eat the entire burrito. Now, you know what this means I have to do. Gosh, darn. Every time we leave the house, you put me through this... Fifi! Fifi, stop! - Do you hear me? - Come on. Help a brother out. What on earth has gotten into that dog? You know I hate doing this. Yeah, but you do it so well. Can you hurry it along? Oh, there you are baby, Fifi. One pit stop, coming up. Oh, gross. No, Fifi. No. Break er, break er. This is Fox Jaws. One of my little yappers just served up a can of gut soup... ...and we are talking chunky. Let's pull off. Over. Come on, you dumb cat. Get off the road. You two run along while I get cleaned up. Out of my way. Out of my way. I don't wanna be rude, but I gotta go. - Stanley, old buddy. - Oh, here we go. Stanley, it's been ages. Actually, it's been exactly one year, Roger. Really? It seems like such a long time. Oh, I have to explain this again? Okay, listen, we go to Pet Paradiso every year at the same time. And, painfully, we have this same conversation. - We do? - Yes. Yes, we do. Is this ringing a bell? Stanley, it's been ages. It's gonna be a long week. Oh, Rufus. There you are. How's my shining star? Why, Charlene, look at you. Don't you look prettier than a glob of butter on a stack of wheat cakes. Oh, goodness me. - Thank you, Rufus. Oh, may I? - Well, I'd be much obliged. Hey, Fifi. Did you hear they found Mr. Weenie? - Isn't that great? - Really? - Are you sure? - I heard he lived with wild animals. No. That's horrible. - He's lucky they didn't hurt him. - Or kill him. Or worse. I was once in the vicious clutches of wild animals. - You were? - I was. What was it like? It's too painful for me to talk about. Gather round. Okay, Fifi. You want the squeaky toy? There I was. - All alone. - You want it? Alone in that steaming jungle. That unforgivable heart of darkness, where you can't see your own paws. And the only sound is the frantic, but adorable... ...pitter-patter of your own heart. When suddenly... They were everywhere. There was no escape. My life flashed before my eyes, and then the unspeakable. - What happened? Did you live? - What happened? I'll show you what happened. Let this be a lesson to you all. - How ghastly. - It's so pink. - That is one sad tail. - I want a girlfriend. Don't interrupt now. Please? I lost two things on that day: My innocence... ...and my squeaky toy. Oh, you poor, sweet thing. Speak of the devil. - Disgusting. - Oh, no. Not the fuzzy little bunny. Don't you understand? We must remain vigilant. Even one wild animal among us... ...can send us back to those dark days of anarchy. Come on, but he's so cute. Pay attention. Even one little fuzzy bunny can infest us all. Like the fleas on Roberto's back, they must all be eradicated. I'm gonna tear you apart. Fifi! Heel! One day, you vile little beast. One day, I will personally teach you a lesson... ...you will never forget! I'm coming, Mother. Hey, does anybody know where we are? Didn't think so. - Isn't this great, Boog? - What's great? You know, not great that Weenie's been kidnapped... ...but great that we're living life on the edge. It's just like old times. - Two guys, out on the road. - Hey, guys. - Room for one more? - For sure. So, Elliot... ...now that we have a moment alone... Hey, what's that? I've been thinking a lot about what happened... ...at the ceremony this morning. - What do you mean? - Well, while I was saying, "I do"... ...you were looking like you didn't. - What? Giselle, don't be ridiculous. Look, Elliot, I know something is bothering you. Ever since the ceremony, you've been acting a little strange. We're partners. You can tell me anything. All right, Giselle, but remember, you asked. Basically, I'm worried about "forever and ever. " "Forever and ever"? About Mr. Weenie being lost forever and ever. So this has nothing to do with me... ...you're only worried about Mr. Weenie... ...right? - Yes, I am. But I'm mostly worried about you and me, our special day... ...and getting back to the ceremony. But finding Mr. Weenie could take a long, long time. Could take months, really. I mean, years, perhaps. - A lifetime. - Found him. There he is. - He's over there. - She found him. - Oh, way to go, Giselle. - Giselle. What luck, huh, Elliot? We'll be back home and married in no time. Well, I mean, that could be another RV, you know. - There's Weenie in the window. - He's waving at us. - Here I am! - Hi, Weenie. - He's... That's a totally different dog. - Nope. That's him. We better keep looking. Come back. You know we gotta go get him out of there. - Help! Help! - No, I know that. I just... What was the question? - All right, here's the plan. - That's all wrong. Squizmeister, you and Buddy will be the entry team. - Roger. - Serge, Deni. Smash and grab. Boog, you're with me. Let's limit the casualties. - All right. - What about me? What can I do? Well, yeah, that's right. What... You stay there and guard the trees. - Really? That's the best you could do? - No, Elliot. Wait. Hi there, folks. I'd like to offer a complimentary ...while I fill up your tank. - Restroom, please? - Yes, ma'am. - In the back. - Thank you. And may I suggest you trying our famous pecan roll? I make them myself. They're inside. For a buck. Two for $2. Off the road! Engine knock. Yep. I'd know it anywhere. Come on. Let's go. Quiet. It's about time you got here, Boog. Keep up. - Deni and I are ready. - Me too. Oh, thank goodness. You've come for me. No need to worry. Okay, we need a grappling hook, a 30-foot rope... ...winch, pulley, truck with an open engine block and a can of sardines. Why don't we just open the door, genius? - I'm trying to think outside the box. - Okay, single file. - Stay quiet. - Don't tell me to be quiet. Tell the ducks to be quiet. Weenie, it's all clear. Come on. Let's go. - Yeah, coming through. - We need a new plan. Everybody, quiet. I need a minute to think. - Time's up. - I got it. Plush. Face it, Earl. These folks are living your dream. - That was close. I think we're clear. - That's not part of the plan, Boog. - From now on... - Hey, fatso, shove off. You're snapping my spine here. Oh, suspension is shot. Definitely shot. Or it could be the bushings. Bob, which one should I get for our Mr. Weenie- Baby? Stripes or plaid? You're absolutely right. - Please don't leave me. - Mr. E's got you covered. - Stand back. - No. Let me take a look-see. Now, that is a sturdy piece of hardware, right, guys? - I'm doomed. - Doomed, huh? Yeah. Stay with me, boys. I got it. Now I have to top off the fluids. All right, go. Come on with it. Most likely the rear differential. I was right. Bob, should we get a pecan roll for the ride? - Elliot, you okay? - Hey. I'm getting sick and tired of breaking your fall. Get off me! - Oh, yolk. - It's okay, Elliot. I'm here. Oh, these cheese doodles are so good. They really taste like cheese. Snack time over? Come on. We need to focus. - Yeah. Focus on the Weenie. - Come on, everybody. - What he said. - Quiet. New plan. We need to lubricate the collar. Good idea. No, no. Something else, please. Oh, Bob, do you think Mr. Weenie will like it? Hey, how about that pecan roll, huh? Did I tell you? Hey, could you be a sport and grab that ladder? - Okay. - Oh, yeah. - There's some more. - Stop! Enough! I'm not gonna lie. It was a little scary up there. My spine! You're killing me. - That'll be $437. - Incoming. - Or I'll trade you. - Double- time. - Gas for that bearskin rug. - I'm out of room. - I'm out of air. - Swing wide. - Easy. - Follow my lead. - Come on now. - Pull. - Use your legs. - Pull.
Bobbie: Oh, my gosh. Did you see that, Bob?
Mr. Weenie: The Weenie is free.
Elliot: Let's make a break for it, boys. Deni, follow me. - Gregalach!
Elliot: Run like the wind.
Mr. Weenie: Wait for me. I have teeny legs. - I'm out. I'm stuck. - I did it. Take cover! Elliot, you fool. - Shake a leg, Weenie. - What's going on in there? Mr. Weenie, are you okay? We did it. We're all safe, right? Okay, roll call. - Boog? McSquizzy? Deni? Serge? - Here. - Weenie? - There. - Where? - Bye, now. Oh, no. Well, where's Buddy? Buddy? Sound off, Buddy.
Buddy: Here! Well, you've screwed up again, you one- horn dumpling. - How did that happen? - Oh, Elliot. Imbecile. What do we do now? - We are missing two. - Idiot. Blaming Elliot for blowing the escape isn't gonna help us find Mr. Weenie. - No, but it's fun. - Hey, what? - Giselle's onto something. - She is? We need to find out where that RV is going. I know. Serge, Deni, you guys fly off and locate the RV from the sky. In the meantime, we'll stay on their trail by foot. Everybody got it? - Smart girl. - Oh, yeah. You call aerial surveillance a good idea? - All right, General Giselle. - What's with you? We're not even married yet, and you're already telling me what to do. You need a little space? All right, yeah. No problem. - I'm just trying to save Mr. Weenie. - And there lies the problem. There's only room for one cook in this kitchen... ...and that one cook is me and Boog. We're partners. - Oh, I get it. - Finally. - This was starting to get awkward. - Awkward? You call this awkward? What do you call running off in the middle of our wedding ceremony? - I was trying to save Mr. Weenie. - Oh, we're back to that excuse. Hey, hey, hey. Come on, now. Simmer down, y'all. That's it. I'm going home. No one's going home. We're in the middle of nowhere. I think you should go home, Giselle. - You're just slowing us down. - Whatever. No, she's not. You are. Boog? Look, man, we need Giselle. She's a great tracker. Yeah, and without her, we'd never have found Weenie... ...and that giant tin-can thing. - Beginner's luck. - Come on, Giselle. We gotta stick together out here. We're partners, right? Boog. You traitor. And you, traitor-ette. Enjoy your newfound partnership. - Oh, come on, Elliot. Look... - I don't need any of you. I'll find Mr. Weenie on my own. Solo. Hey, you're going the wrong way, you choob. Oh, thank you very much. It's a shortcu... I'm okay, everybody. - You don't care. - Not really. Was that too harsh? - We must follow the road, eh? - You think? Come on. Let's cut through the forest. Weenie, I am coming for you, buddy. I am a wonderful tracker. I think Boog can fly faster than you, huh? A million laughs. So are we having fun yet? Weenie is right around here, and I am gonna... Wiener tracks! Yes, vindication! I've got your track, I've got your scent, and here I come. That's a road, not a landing strip. Pull up. Hurry. Watch the ribs. Well, it's official. Weenie is not up here. A whole herd of wieners. Oh, but these are Weenie's tracks right here. He's an alpha wiener. Wonder why my jaw hurts. Oh, well. More tracks. Oh, we're here. Hey, good to see you there, Bob. There's a spot open on the right. Aren't you excited, Mr. Weenie? You get to see all of your old friends again. And don't worry, snookums. Mama will make sure that nothing bad happens... ...to her little snuggly-wuggly ever again. Bob, do you have the Invisible Pet Fortress... ...Electric Shock Collar? That's the one. Oh, that was nice. Thank you. What's the matter, Bob? It's not working? Oh, good, it does work. Don't worry, Mr. Weenie, it's more comfortable than it looks. Now, remember, stay inside the Invisible Pet Fortress. Rufus, darling, is that Mr. Weenie? Well, butter my behind and call me a biscuit. Let's go smell him. Now you'll be safe, my little love muffin. Have fun with your friends. Mommy and Bob are gonna go have some grown-up time with the adults. Hey, I found Weenie. - Oh, Mr. Weenie. - Well, hey, short and long. - How you been? - My friends. - It's Mr. Weenie. - How you doing, Mr. Weenie? Deni. Look, there's Mr. Weenie. Weenie. We must return to base for reinforcements, huh? Good plan. How you doing, Mr. Weenie? Good to see you. Oh, I've missed you all so much. It's been so long since I've had a proper greeting. - It's Weenie, all right. - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. - Give me a hug. - Stop. Don't crowd him. This dog has just been through the unthinkable. - The what? - Don't even think it. Why? You don't have to be rude. Poor Weenie. Poor, poor Weenie. Who knows the horrors you've seen? - What horrors? - Don't worry. - We will get through it together. - Actually, it wasn't that bad. I know. It was worse. - I've been through it too. - Really? Oh, Fifi. Will he ever be the old Mr. Weenie we knew and loved? - We can only hope. - But I am the same. We'll have to see how much damage... ...those insidious wilds have done to him. "Insidious wilds"? Nein, the wild animals are my friends. Friends? Your friends? Your friends? It is worse than I could have ever imagined. Your friends? It's worse than I could have ever imagined. He's gone... feral. - Feral? - What's that mean? Fifi, what shall we do? You heard the lassie. What do we do? - Can he be helped? - Yes. But it won't be pretty. Prepare... the tent. - The tent? - Not the tent. Oh, yes. The tent.
Boog: I'm so tired. Hey, hey, hey, check it out. They're back.
McSquizzy: Well, it's about time. Down below. Friends. - Our friends. - We're low on fuel. Dive. Look, man, here they come. - Serge, are you okay? - Did you find Mr. Weenie? - Relax. Deep breaths. - Where is he? Come on, breathe for me. In and out. What did you find? - Where's Weenie? - What she says. Where's Weenie? - Where is he? - What is he doing? How many syllables? Sounds like... I think I got it. He's in a tree. - He's in a tree house. A birdhouse. - Woods. - His eggs are hatching. - He has bird flu. - He's underwater. - In a lagoon. - He works in a shrimp boat. - He's in the ocean. - In a sub. - He's wearing a wet suit. - This is it. At a zoo. - In a cage. - He's joined a travelling circus. - He was eaten by a lion in a cage. He's a clown. No, no, no. It's a freak show. Hello? We found Mr. Weenie. Like Deni was saying... ...Mr. Weenie is over the trees, past the lake and the mountain... ...at the campsite with some dogs. And two cats. All right. Let's go. - Let's do this. Tell me something... - No, stop! Oh, I'm peched.
Boog: Past the mountains, huh? Here's an idea. What do you say we all rest for the night, huh? Brilliant. Come on, Weenie. Just do it. You know you want to. It's inside you. Just do it, boy. - Do it for pets everywhere, Weenie. - Never! - Just do it. - Better do what the basset says. Hurry up, before Fifi gets here. Too late. Is it done yet? Did he do it? Is it over? Is it done? Did we do this? Is it over? Are we finished? - Roberto. - Fifi, it was great. You missed it. Too bad. Let's go. - The real answer, Rufus? - We tried everything. Boy's locked up like a rusty gate. Oh, Weenie, you can make this stop at any time. All you have to do is... ...roll over. Roll over. - He keeps saying that. - All right, then. We're going to have to turn this up a notch. - I don't really see the point. - Rufus, get the instruments. Here you are. Oh, no. Roberto, hand me the stick. Oh, boy. Listen carefully. Do as I say. Please, no. Fetch. - Go on, Weenie, fetch. - Come on, Weenie. - Come on, Weenie. Now, come on. - Get the stick. Go on, go on. Come on, Weenie. - You're almost there. You can do it. - Go, Weenie, fetch. I'm a wild. I'm a wild animal. - And again with the nein. - You are trying my patience. You are no longer a wild animal. You are a domestic pet... ...and domestic pets must obey their master. Now, hand me the squeaky toy. - No. - Yes! - Okay, I hear you. Calm down. Relax. - Yes, yes. Squeak, squeak. - It's a wild! - He's so blue. Not the Sunday edition. Quick, Buddy, hop on. - He's getting away. - Please, Fifi, no running. Buddy, get the electric collar off. I'll stall them. Hurry! - Help us out, Charlene! - Oh, I can't. I got my rollers in. - Weenie, you're so fast. - Careful, Roger. You could... - Too late. - Go, Weenie, go! Want another Shirley Temple there, wild man? Oh, my, what's that? Is that Mr. Weenie? Spread out. I'm gonna take five. Cut them off. - Buddy, hurry. - I'm trying. Oh, no. - We did it. - Now get this sweater off. It itches. - That's nasty. - I have had it. No more. The wild animals have pushed me too far! The next wild I see crawl out of that forest... ...if they don't have their papers, they are getting a full Fifi smackdown! This is war! Oh, Fifi. I really don't have the stomach for this. He smells like bad barbecue.
Bobbie: Mr. Weenie, are you all right? Mr. Weenie, where are you? He's gone, Bob. Oh, no. We just found him, and now he's gone again. Weenie. My poor Weenie. I wanna go home, Bob. Please take me home. Now, I've heard some folks say... ...the squirrel child still roams these parts. And some nights, when the moon is full... ...and his monstrous buck teeth ache to nibble... ...you might, if you're unlucky, hear his bloodcurdling cry! - Run! - Let's move! Sorry. All that food. It's making me... - Making me hungry. - Is he kidding? I'm so exhausted, I couldn't eat a wee morsel. That hits the spot. Great. Even my roasting stick is weak and pathetic. Hey. Don't that look just like my man, Elli...? What was with Elliot this morning anyway? Oh, hey. I wonder what's in here. Yes. Check this out. This is a little something Beth taught me. These are called s'mores. Try some. They take your mind off of everything. Clear your head. You ain't gonna have nothing on your mind. I hope it works. You know what? I'm glad Elliot's out of my life. Come on. I know you guys exchanged some words back there... ...but you're meant for each other. - He's crazy about you. - Really? I bet Elliot's never once mentioned that he loves me. Has he? Come on, we're guys. We talk about guy stuff. You know, like sports. Rabbit bowling, rabbit tennis, hockey with rabbits. - I'll take that as a no. - All right. Take this marshmallow, for example. It's great all by itself. It's soft, fluffy and sweet. Like you, Giselle. Oh, Boog, you're embarrassing yourself. Stay with me. Now, check out this chocolate bar. It's awesome too. It's full of caffeine and sugar, and it make you spazz out. Like Elliot. And even though on their own, both are great... ...neither are perfect, in my opinion. But they are perfect together. Come on. Give it a try. That's it. There you go. You're right, Boog. - This is really good. - That's what I'm talking about. Unfortunately, some chocolate bars feel that being in a s'more... ...is too much commitment and would rather run free... ...instead of settling for some marshmallow. - You're missing the point. - Now that the wedding's off... ...I bet Elliot's singing a new tune and having the time of his life. Cold. So cold. I don't need anybody. I can take care of myself. This... This is a good character- building moment. Elliot, remember, you are a wild creature toughing it out. I'll find Mr. Weenie all by myself. I don't need anybody. And I definitely don't need a girlfriend. So what if she tucks me in at night, or listens to my problems? Makes really good pine- cone crunchies... ...or rubs my head when I have sickies? Criminy, what have I done? Giselle! Break er, break er. Let's put the pedal to the metal. Ten-four. Roberto, come on now. Hurry up. Time to go to Pet Paradiso. Did you hear that, Fif? I'm so excited. I'm looking forward to the water slides and the buffet... ...and the pool and the babes. How about you, Fifi? - Easy does it. Keep that ice pack on. - Shut up! Good advice, bud. Here. - Here. - What Deni's trying to say is... ...this is where the Weenie was. - Gone. - Oh, that's just great. - Well, let's check it out. - I'm on it. What have we here? Aye, Mr. Weenie was definitely here. Come on, Squiz. What else you got for me? And over here, a titanic battle ensued. A battle? Are you serious? - Is he for real? - Wait, wait, look. And here, the unspeakable happened. - What? - What's the unspeakable? It's unspeakable because the tracks end here. I got bupkis. - Oh, brother, you got to be ki... - Where do you think they went? How would I know? I'm a tracker, not a bleeding psychic. - What do you think, Boog? - I don't know. If only we had some kind of a sign. - Come on, everyone. - Oh, I hope this is the right way. Stay sharp and keep your eyes peeled. Fifi, would you take a gander at this? This, my half-pint friend, puts the P in "paradise. " Oh, Roberto. - I can't... I can't do this. - Come on, Fifi. I think a bald spot makes you look more sophisticated. - Singe is the new pompadour. - Oh, shut up! Sure thing. We gave him everything he could've ever wanted, right, Bob? I don't know if we should go on living without him, Bob. No, no, no. He would want us to go on living our lives, wouldn't he, Bob? Road hog! I knew you'd agree. I'm free, I'm free Sing it with me, Buddy. Free at last, free at last What monstrosity is that? Scary. Elliot? Where are the others? Oh, they're rescuing Mr. Weenie and Buddy. - Hey, Buddy. - Hi there. - But Weenie... - And Buddy. - Are free like you. Oh, yeah. I'm free. Free to be alone for the rest of my life. You don't understand. Our friends are heading to Pet Paradiso. Have them get me a T-shirt. The pets, they hate the wilds. They're in serious danger. Wake up, mein Freund. Weenie. When did you get here? Don't you see? Boog, McSquizzy, Giselle. - They'll all be torn to pieces. - Torn to pizzas? - Pieces, you Strudelk opf. - Pieces. - Giselle's in trouble? - Yeah, Giselle! Well, why didn't you say so? Giselle, my love! - I'm coming to save you! - You're going the wrong way. No, I'm not...! Goodbye. Look at all those RVs. Weenie must be here. So how are we gonna get inside? I'm a grizzly. No biggie. We'll just walk in. Look, just like that little guy. Wild animal breach. Okay. Who's got the next brilliant idea? Aye, it's easy. We could tunnel our way in. Or we could fly you all in. Oh, there's a great idea. A 1-pound bag of crazy lifting a 1200-pound bag of lazy. - What? I'm 900 pounds. - That's crap. - Oh, you think you so tough? - Come on, is that your best shot? - What do you got? - Stop it. - Stop it! - Shove off. Grow up, you two. Now, come on. Let's stay on track. It looks safe enough. Follow me. What's wrong? Come on, spit it out. Oh, you're so beautiful. - Just like Mama. - Okay. I see a woman and her dog. Yeah. Look again. - Oh, I'm gonna have nightmares! - Quiet. Come along, Jezzabelle. Heel. Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Definitely. There we go. Perfecto. This is not at all what I was thinking. - This'll never work. - Yeah. Sure it will. We look great. What? I could sell this. Is he serious? Boog, the idea is to blend in with the pets. She's right. You look ridiculous. All right, fine. - But if things get all crazy... - We'll come get you. I promise. Do I really have to wear a bow? I look like a jessie. You're supposed to be a little dog, and all little dogs wear bows. What are you two looking at? Keep an eye on them. Deni, follow me. Okay. All the time, "Deni, do this, do that. " Interesting. Oh, poor Fifi. Here. A little zinc will help protect that tender pink skin. Have fun now. It's not bad. No one will even notice. No one will notice? No one will notice? No one will notice? - No one will notice? - Okay. - No one will notice? - Okay. - He noticed. He noticed. - Okay. - I noticed. - Take it... - You noticed. - I heard you. - We all noticed. I noticed! - I got it. Forget about it. Me and my big mouth. - One king and two doggy beds. - And can I have synthetic pillows? This is so weird. Classic flattop. One of my favourites. Of all the stupid... - Quiet. - Fresh cut. Come and get it. This is the strangest place I've ever seen. Let's find Weenie and get out of here. Just ignore them. Keep walking. No eye contact. What you looking at, you wee bug-eyed freak? McSquizzy. What did I just say? - Get down, everyone. - Go get it, boy. Fetch. Fetch. Fetch it, buddy. - Mine, mine, mine. - One more. This place is giving me the skeevies. Giselle! - My spine. - We're here. This looks nothing like the brochure, right, Weenie? Pets and their owners. They look so happy together. Oh, I don't know if I can go in there without my mama. Oh, forget Mama. Giselle. We have to get in there for Giselle. - And the others. - It's too much. I can't. Repeat after me: I'm wild. I'm wild. With conviction. I'm wild! - What was that for? - That was payback. Fair enough. What was that for? That one was just for fun. Now, let's do this! Might be a little cold. That looks painful. - Too hard? - Poor guy, they stretched him out. Another round, Mr. Bailey? Another round, Mr. Whiskers? Hey there, pretty lady. Who's he calling a lady? - Hey. - Hello, baby. Beat it, Doberman pinhead. She's taken. Good looks and funny too. But I was not talking to the Dalmatian, little Miss Sugar-Snack. - Idiot. I'm not a girl! - Hurry along. Let's not be rude. Hey, chica. You take care of that body for Rico, huh? "Take care of that bod"? I'll give you "Take care of that bod," you big musclebound bag of... - There, there. I see them. - Look, I spotted them. - I still got it, eh? - Genius. - Mr. Weenie. - Show yourself, laddie. Mr. Weenie? Weenie? Roger, something's not right. Do you smell something fishy here? Barracuda. Weenie. Where are you, you wee pup...? Oh, goodness me. I think we have some dogs of a different breed. The girl with the bow, she's mine. - We have to go. - Yes, we're late. Very late. - Stanley, it's the fishies. - Not now, Roger. Oh, no. My friends, today justice wears a blue barrette... ...and a rhinestone collar. Excuse me, you got a wee something right there. Quiet! Squirrel! Varmint! - Quiet! Quiet! - Come on, take it down a notch. - Shut up! - Deni, this does not look good. - Let's go get Boog. - Bad. Very bad. - Quiet. - Okay. Elliot, Weenie. Thank goodness you're safe. - What are you doing? - Who are you? What do you mean? I'm your best friend. - McSquizzy? - McSquizzy? He doesn't even like you. Look, I'm not talking to some random overweight sheepdog... ...about my personal relationships. - It's me, Boog. - Boog's fatter. No way. - Elliot. It is you. Did you lose weight? When did you start thinking McSquizzy was your BFF? Well, you were hibernating, and we were hanging. Turns out we have a lot in common. We both like nuts. - You are nuts. - Stop this insanity! - Where are the others? - They're inside looking for you. - And they've been captured! - Captured? Oh, come on. Boog. I'm Boog. No, Boog is a big fat guy. - That's not you. - I know. - I thought that he was McSquizzy too. - Okay, stop. Would you all stop? - What do you mean, captured? - They've been captured... ...by a gaggle of vicious domestics. - Enough talk. - Hang on there, E. You don't wanna go stomping on up in there. - You're right. What we need is a... - Don't say it. Don't say it. - Plan! - This is not gonna work. - It'll work. Don't doubt me, number two friend. - Trust the plan. - Trust the plan. - Well, that was easy. - See? - I told you it would work. - Hey! - Just a minute! - The plan's not gonna work. - The plan's not gonna work. - Be cool. Hold it together. Do you think you can just waltz right in here... ...without your room key, Mrs. Schlapiano? You must've dropped this. A voice like an angel. - I wonder where I left my room key. - Wait a second! Nice try. You're not fooling anyone with that phoney disguise. What are you wearing, a porcupine on your head? Get out of here, you vagrant. - We made it. - Yeah, that worked well. Well, yes, because we had a plan. Giselle. Giselle, where are you? Go. Help! Help! Help! Somebody, help us! Scream all you like. The humans can't hear you from here. And the house pets... ...well, they hate wilds just as much as I do! When I get free, you're gonna pay for this... ...you big tube, you numpty, you big lassie's blouse. Watch your language, varmint. There's a lady present. What a vile little creature. My friends, it is time to tame these savage beasts. You gotta be kidding me, right? Hey, Fif. Are you sure we can't let the little girl squirrel go? Yeah. Let the little girl squirrel go. Not a chance. Roberto, you know what to do. - Wha...? I don't know what you mean. - Collar them, you fool. - Collar them, collar them, collar them. - I hear you. - Okay. - Collar them, collar them... ...you fool. - Calm down. Okay. - The pool, so tempting. - Forget the pool. - Elliot's right. - Remember the objective. - Oh, sweet libations. - Control yourself. - The buffet. Wiener schnitzel? - No. Forget food. - Strudel. - He's not listening. - Mama's favourite. - Oh, nuts. Boog, grab him. - Weenie. - Come on. Come back here. - Way to go, Boog. - You go on ahead. I'll catch up. Leave us alone. Help! - Try this. - Thanks. - Help! - Giselle. You fuzz ball, you'll never get away with this. Oh, but I already have. Oh, but you already haven't. - What are you doing? - It's Mrs. Schlapiano. Get lost, old lady. This does not concern you. I am no old lady. - It is the porcupine in disguise. - Yeah. - I didn't see him up there. Did you? - It's me, Elliot. - Who is Elliot? - I am. And I'm here to rescue my lady, kick butt and take names. What's your name? - Did anybody see that coming? - Yes. - Even Roger saw that coming. - I did? Come on, Weenie. Snap out of it, man.
Mr. Weenie: Das ist beautiful.
Boog: Weenie, would you come back here? Oh, man. Now how you gonna hide a 900-pound bear? A 1200-pound wild bear! What, 1200 pounds? Girl, you know that ain't right. I'm 900 pounds. This is mostly fur... ...and fur adds a hundred pounds easy. Go, go, go! I'll be bulking up to hibernate. Just wait till I step out that... - Bear! - Bear! We have a security breach. Perimeter has been compromised. Telling you, I'm gonna be the baddest bear ever in the woods. - We have a grizzly on the loose. - Then we'll see... ...who's ready for swimming season. - Darts loaded. Fire! Hey, man, be cool. Back off. Go. Little dude, go. You come back here right now. Go. This is crazy. Weenie! Fifi, come on. Is this really necessary? You see why we have to do this, right? They will take everything. Our food, our homes, our very lives! Wait. If this is the end, I need to say something. - Giselle, I really, really, really... - Really? - Time's up. - Now, you hold your little old horses. I do believe this boy's got something on his mind. - Yeah, give the guy a sporting chance. - Oh, just forget it, Elliot. You've already made it clear how you feel. I feel that this has gone on long enough. - Please let me finish. - Fine. You've got 60 seconds. Are you serious? How about a minute? - Hey, you better hurry up. - Okay, okay. Giselle, before the wedding, my rack was huge. - What? - It's true. Very huge. And it broke very bad. And without my huge rack, I felt like less of a buck. - But as time went on... - Thirty seconds. The point is, I'm a better buck with not a huge rack on my head... ...but with you, Giselle, on my head instead. Oh, that's awful. And how does this relate to our wedding... ...and the fact that you left me at the altar? - Left you at the altar? - You, sir, are a coward. Oh, no. - No, no. You are missing the point. - Oh, come on. During our wedding, there was the incident with the other woman. Another woman? I can't even handle one. Speak for yourself, amigo. No. No. Not that kind of other woman. The kind that grabbed Mr. Weenie. - You're disgusting. - That is a pig. - You make me sick. - This is getting good. - Isn't it refreshing? - Come here, you. Fifteen seconds. Will you, please? Giselle, you are good. And me? Not always good. But with you, the me that is not good can be better. You make my not-good me almost not bad. And that's not almost good, it's almost great. So, Giselle, you and me, not badder, but greater. Understand? - Tick, tick, tick! - What is he talking about? Forget it. Just push the button already. - Finally. - No. Don't. Cannonball! Gotcha. I love you, Boog. Goodness me. Hold on, now. There it is. - That was close. - Is everybody okay? You're still in danger. The Fifi will kill you all. Get the collars off. Fifi, where are you going? Mr. Weenie?
Boog: Let's get you out of those ropes. - Boog, look out. - Take cover. Elliot, you take care of these guys. I'll draw the others away. - We gotta get these off. - Thank you. I won't let you hurt my friends. Hey.
Elliot: Weenie's in trouble. I gotta go. Weenie, I'm coming.
Giselle: Elliot, careful. Breaker, breaker. Mudflaps, do you read me? Over. This is Mudflaps. Over. You're not gonna believe it. Mr. Weenie just ran by me poolside. Over.
Bobbie: Bob, they found Mr. Weenie. Hurry. Get in. Hey, where's the fire, huh? Oh, boy. There it is.
Bobbie: Mr. Weenie, Mama's coming, baby. Mama's coming. Hey, Chet, lock up, would you? I'm calling it a day, huh? Finally, some alone time.
Boog: Look out there, doggy. Weenie. Weenie. - Are you all right? - Weenie's fine. Get the remote. - I got it. - Take this! Oh, no, you don't. Oh, my. Save Rico, chica. Save Rico. There's so many.
Buddy: Lock and load. Pull! Stanley, duck. Man down. I'm hit. See? One duck, two duck.
Buddy: We did it. - Come on, Rico. - Rico got your back, baby. Take that. Fire!
Boog: Saved by the slobber. - Get him off me! Get him off! - Take this, you wild beast! Oh, no. - That's Elliot. - That ain't good. Let's go. - Elliot? - Oh, no. - Rico, where is he? - Oh, man. - He's gotta get those collars off.
Fifi: Stop! Or everyone gets it! Do you understand?
Boog: Elliot. You okay?
Elliot: Yes, yes. You could've gotten here sooner. - You're breathing, aren't you?
Fifi: Let this be an example to you all. - No, don't. - No, Fifi, no. - Don't do it. - Fifi, stop. Seriously. - Don't do it, Fifi. - Don't push the button. Hold on, pal. This is it. Oh, no. What? How did you do that?
Elliot: The old switcheroo, Boog. That was not fair. I gotta be honest with you. He kind of had that coming. Ice cream. Hang in there, Hoppy. But, officers, Fox Jaws said Mr. Weenie was here. Are you sure you haven't seen him? Why don't you run through that description for me one more time. Yeah, Dispatch, we got a male Caucasian... ...early 30s, sustaining multiple pheno injections. - We're sending him over to County. - Go... You heard him. Go. He's also dark brown and long and jiggly... ...and he walks with the cutest little waddle. Does this match the description of your dog, ma'am? Oh, Mr. Weenie. I miss you so much. Hey, Roberto, my main man. - I appreciate the help out there. - Sure thing. And if you're ever in the city, come on by. We'll split a pizza pie. My treat. From this day forward, domestics and wilds will live together as one. So your doghouse or mine, chica? Hey, Rico, come here. Let me share a wee secret with you. I'm not a girl! What? Seor, you have played with Rico's emotions. Come on, Elliot. Time to head on home. - I hear you. Come on, Giselle. - All right, everybody. Take it easy. Well, it's time to swap spit and hit the road. You said it, cowboy. - Hold on. Wait for me. - Bye- bye. Hey, wait, Mr. Weenie. Aren't you coming? Well, I have decided not to go with you. - Why not? - Because just like you... ...I have realised that if you're never tied to anything, you'll never be free. - We're not tied together anymore. - This is figurative. So we have to be tied up in order...? No. We must have limits to be limitless. Find a seat. This could take a while. All that matters is to be with the one you love... ...und the one that loves you. You're not making any sense, Weenie. I'm just gonna spend the rest of my life with the one who loves me: Giselle. Wait for me. Goodbye, my friends. I will miss you all! Weenie. It's been ages. - Here's my chance. - Roger. Let's go find your buddy Stanley. No, no, no. He's your friend now. - It's so sad, isn't it, Bob? - Okay, okay. Calm down. Calm down. Look. There he is. Long and jiggly. Mr. Weenie? Is that you? Mr. Weenie. Mr. Weenie! Oh, my baby. You came back to Mama. Don't lose him again, now. - That dog loves you. - Never. Oh, no. The woman-beast is torturing him again. What? Is that what you call torture? Yeah. Why do you ask? Why? Man, she's showing him affection. You know, kiss, kiss, hug, hug. I might have misread that. You might have misread that? - Let me at him! - Hey, hey. Come on now. - Come on. - Don't let go of him, Boog. - Take it easy. - Well, enough of that hullabaloo. You know what, Giselle? Mr. Weenie was right. About what? About, you know, all that stuff about what really matters. Stuff? Oh, Elliot. How do I know you really feel it if you can't even say it? - Well, do I have to spell it out for you? - Yes. - Okay. You, me, together for... - Hello. You were saying? It's me and you for... - Go on. - Okay, what I'm trying to say is... Why do these birds and ducks suddenly appear... ...every time you're near? Unless, like me... ...they long to be close to you. Oh, Elliot, that's the most romantic thing... Why do stars fall down from the sky Every time you walk by? Just like me They long to be Close to you On the day that you were born The angels got together And decided to create A dream come true So they sprinkled moon dust In your hair of gold And starlight in your eyes of blue That is why All the girls in town Follow me... - Oh, dear. ... all around. It's true. Just lik e me They long to be Close to you Just lik e me They long to be Close to you Giselle, I love you. You said it! I love you, Elliot. Yeah, that's my man. Close to you Close to you Not too close. Close to you I love this song. Close to you Oh, Roberto, that's beautiful. Close to you Sing it, Bob. Big finish now. Elliot? Close to you That just ain't right. Come on!