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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "MuscleBob BuffPants" from season one, which aired on October 2, 1999.

Transcript

  • [In SpongeBob's house, he is looking at himself in the mirror trying to look strong]
  • SpongeBob: It's time to grow myself large and wide.
  • [He grows himself large and wide as he is saying it. Walks over to his weight, which is a pink bunny and a blue bear and has trouble lifting it, but manages to get it over his head anyway. The doorbell rings and SpongeBob opens door]
  • Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob. How's it goin'?
  • SpongeBob: Not too close, Sandy. I tend to get smelly when I'm pumpin' iron. Check it out. [shows off his muscles, but is still a weakling]
  • Sandy: Well, you're smelly.
  • SpongeBob: All thanks to my state-of-the-art work set. [shows all sorts of stuffed animals]
  • Sandy: Uhh... I don't wanna disappoint you, SpongeBob, but you won't see any progress with those.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, really?
  • Sandy: That is, if you want arms like these... [rolls up right sleeve, and flexes her right arm, showing off a big, impressive bicep] ...or these... [rolls up other sleeve and flexes left arm, revealing her other bicep] ...or these! [shows off her powerful back muscles while executing a back double bicep flex. SpongeBob's arm wiggles in the air]
  • SpongeBob: Well, uhh, maybe I could use a little help.
  • Sandy: Well, if you want arms like mine, you just gotta follow my training program.
  • SpongeBob: Wow, really? That'd be great, Sandy. I can see me now. [imagines himself with muscles and very tall working at the Krusty Krab, then he is jellyfishing at Jellyfish Fields] La-la-la, la-la, la-la-la, la-la. [at night, SpongeBob seems too big for his bed] Goodnight, Gary.
  • Gary: Meow. [cut back to the present]
  • SpongeBob: Yeah... that would change everything!
  • Sandy: Be at my place at 5 a.m. Oh! And you'll need a water helmet. [puts a fish bowl on his head. Now the scene cuts to Sandy's tree dome, where SpongeBob is trying to do push-ups] Come on, SpongeBob, it's only push-ups! Come on. Come on! You can do it! [SpongeBob is grunting at this point determined to get a push-up. His body cracks and falls down while his arms stay up]
  • SpongeBob: One. [acorn bell dings]
  • Sandy: [in boxing ring with gloves on] Alright, put 'em up!
  • SpongeBob: [struggles getting his gloves up] They're up.
  • Sandy: Ding ding! [punches SpongeBob out of the ring. Later, Sandy starts up her exercise wheel with SpongeBob on it. SpongeBob pants while the wheel goes faster and makes him trip all over the wheel] Feeling the burn?
  • SpongeBob: I'm! Fee!! Ling!!! Some!!!! Thing!!!!! [launches out of the wheel and into the tree dome glass]
  • Sandy: Well, now that we've got warmed up, it's time for the arm-cruncher.
  • SpongeBob: Arm-cruncher, great... [looks over and sees two cement blocks slamming into the cement pedestal] This squirrel's trying to kill me.
  • Sandy: [walks up to the arm-cruncher with phone in hand] This is it.
  • SpongeBob: Hey, that's great, Sandy, well, I sure had fun, we'll have to do it again sometime, bye. [hangs up] This working-out thing, isn't working out. [arms bulge in and out] Ow. Ow. Ow.
  • Shark: [on TV] Hey! Hey, you! Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy! "Oh, I'm a little peanut worm." Are you too much of a wimp to work out? Are you a weakling built like a sponge? Well, now you too can have muscles.
  • SpongeBob: Huh?
  • Shark: With Anchor arms! [puts a long pink blow-up item on his arm] They slip on like a glove. Just add air. [puts a plug in the arm's hole and pumps air into it] How big do you want 'em? [pumps air into other arm] Normal? [puts more air into arm] Veiny!? And for the ladies... [puts air into arm which makes it grow hair] ...hairy. [SpongeBob whistles as the TV puts up an image of a weak shark] I was a wimp before Anchor arms. Now, I'm a jerk, and everybody loves me! So order now, wimp!
  • SpongeBob: Wow, now that's a good idea!
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: I wanna be just like him. Yeah, I've gotta get to a phone! [later, a big shadow of SpongeBob is walking down the road past Squidward, who is licking a popsicle] Hi, Squidward!
  • Squidward: [Tongue stuck to popsicle while looking up.] SpongeBob?
  • Mr. Krabs: [Next scene is Mr. Krabs sweeping the outside of the Krusty Krab. He looks up.] Huh!?
  • SpongeBob: Ahoy, Mr. Krabs!!
  • Mr. Krabs: Mother of pearl! [hides in the Krusty Krab. Now, at Mussel Beach where everyone is lifting weights. SpongeBob comes in and makes one guy drop a big weight on two others' feet]
  • Fish: Owww...
  • SpongeBob: Hi, guys. [shows off new muscles]
  • Larry: SpongeBob, is that you!?
  • SpongeBob: [walking on his hands] Who were you expecting, Tiny Tim? Wait... wait... [flexes those muscles] They're big, aren't they?
  • Larry: Dude, you're ripped!
  • SpongeBob: [flexes out the words...] THANK YOU. I've been working out. Excuse me a second. [flexes more] Yeah. Anyone up for the... [flexes muscles into drinks] ...juice bar? [bubble transition to juice bar]
  • Scooter: I'm tellin' ya, he's huge!
  • Sandy: Have you guys seen SpongeBob anywhere?
  • Scooter: You mean 'MuscleBob BuffPants'? He's in there! [points to inside of bar]
  • Sandy: Uhh, whatever. Thanks.
  • SpongeBob: [now inside]I start off with twenty raw eggs everyday. But that's just me.
  • Sandy: Pardon me.
  • SpongeBob: Working out is my life! I remember when I used to look like that guy over there! [points to weak fish]
  • Fish: Who, me? [everyone laughs]
  • SpongeBob: I remember when I used to look like you, too. [points to Larry and laughs] But, that was a long time ago.
  • Bartender: Here's your drink, sir.
  • SpongeBob: Thank you. [tries to lift up drink but can't so he stretches his mouth out to the straw and drinks] Yeah...
  • Sandy: SpongeBob? Wha-where'd you get those muscles?
  • SpongeBob: I've created my own workout routine that's given me amazing results. [anchor arm almost slips off] Whoops! Yeah, I have never felt better.
  • Sandy: Heck, what's your secret?
  • SpongeBob: What?
  • Sandy: Your secret workout. What is it? [everyone wants to know and looks over at SpongeBob. SpongeBob thinks of something nervously and quickly.]
  • SpongeBob: Hmmm... well... I, uhh... first I... take my hand... and I do this. [makes armpit noises]
  • Larry: Are you kidding?
  • SpongeBob: Do these muscles lie? [flexes muscles into a shape of a sponge. Everyone starts making armpit noises]
  • Sandy: I'm glad to see you found an exercise program that works for you.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, your workout routine wasn't quite tough enough for me.
  • Sandy: Can't argue with those results. What you need to do now is put those muscles to the test.
  • SpongeBob: Uhh, what do you mean?
  • Sandy: The big Mussel Beach anchor tossing competition. It's today! Everybody'll be there!
  • Bartender: Here's your drink. [sets drink on SpongeBob's anchor-arm hand and it sinks down]
  • Sandy: Hey, with those arms, you'll do great!
  • SpongeBob: Uhh, well, I'm not sure.
  • Sandy: C'mon, let's go.
  • SpongeBob: Right now? Wait, uhh, wait, Sandy. I don't think it's such a... [tries to run away but the drink is holding him back. Tries lifting the drink but is unsuccessful] Sandy, wait!
  • Sandy: Here it is-- the sign-in list.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, no.
  • Sandy: [signs her name on a piece of paper] Okay, Sannnndy... Cheeks. [puts the paper into entry box]
  • SpongeBob: [still struggling] Wait, Sandy... don't sign just yet!
  • [Sandy puts the paper in the box]
  • SpongeBob: Wait-!
  • Sandy: Okay...
  • SpongeBob: [struggles even harder] WAAAAIT!
  • Sandy: [signs names] SpongeBobbbb SquaaaarePaaaants. [the bartender lifts the drink off of SpongeBob, which sends him flying towards Sandy]
  • SpongeBob: Sandy, wait...! [slams into pole]
  • Sandy: It's okay, SpongeBob, I already signed your name in.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, great. Thanks, Sandy. [at the competition]
  • Announcer: We on? Welcome to the Goo Lagoon 8th annual anchor toss competition. [everyone is getting ready but SpongeBob is nervous]
  • Sandy: Ready, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, yeah. Great. No problem. [blows frantically into his Anchor Arms]
  • Announcer: Could I get some mustard on that? Oh. First up, Don the Whale. [Don throws the anchor and it lands. A measurer fish dashes up to measure distance]
  • Measurer: 200 yards! [the crowd cheers]
  • Announcer: Let's see an instant-replay. [another anchor comes flying in on top of the measurer and hits him.] Amazing! Up next, Larry the Lobster. [Larry throws his anchor. The measurer shrieks at the incoming anchor, and runs aside from getting hit; however, the anchor's shadow covers the measurer and crushes him once again]
  • Measurer: 210 yards!!
  • Announcer: Here goes, Sandy Cheeks. [Sandy throws it up in the air and kicks it away. The measurer runs around, trying to avoid getting hit by the anchor, but the anchor crushes him anyway]
  • Measurer: 510 yaaaards!!!
  • Announcer: Wow! Fabulous!
  • Sandy: Beat that, SpongeBob!
  • Announcer: Up next: SpongeBob SquarePants!
  • Crowd: [imitating the armpit exercise while others are holding up SpongeBob signs and chanting] SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: [tries to pull the anchor but instead he falls under the ground with the anchor and comes out and laughs] Just kidding. Just kidding... heh! [everyone laughs]
  • Sandy: That SpongeBob is funnier than ears on an acorn!
  • SpongeBob: [to himself] Oh, this is it. They're all gonna find out I'm a fake. I can't give up. I've got to try. I can do it! I've got Anchor Arms! I'm no wimp! I'm a jerk!!
  • [SpongeBob blows his Anchor Arms over the "JERK" size]
  • SpongeBob: [the crowd goes berserk in cheering] Yeah.
  • [SpongeBob tries to lift the anchor again but when he tries too hard, some of the air in one arm goes into SpongeBob's nose. Tries to lift again, but the air goes into his left eye as the crowd "ooh"s. SpongeBob tries to lift again and causes the air to go into his left tooth]
  • Crowd: [chanting] SpongeBob! SpongeBob!
  • [SpongeBob tries to lift again the last time, causing the Anchor Arms to burst around his body, then explode. After the air blows off, the popped Anchor Arms deflate, floating down.]
  • Crowd Attendee: Ooh, I think he lost. [crowd chants for Sandy] Sandy! Sandy! Sandy! [SpongeBob then reveals his real arms hidden from inside his body. Sandy walks up to SpongeBob and taps her foot, disappointed. SpongeBob walks away, leaving his destroyed Anchor Arms on the ground and follows Sandy to the Treedome]
  • SpongeBob: 96... 97... 98... 99... 100.
  • Sandy: I want 100 more.
  • SpongeBob: It hurts. [changes channel over and over] 1. 2. 3. 4...
  • Sandy: I think we finally found an exercise for you, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: ...9. 10. [his arm falls off] Can you get that?
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