June 25th, 2005
The End - Part 1
(Opening shot: the exterior of Titans Tower during the day. Zoom in slowly and cut to a close-up of Starfire; she is framed right side up, but sprawled out on something based on the spread of her hair, and absolutely dead to the world. The camera pulls back and rotates 90 degrees to show that she is lying on the couch in the operations center. Cut to a slow pan across Beast Boy, fetched up against the end cushions, then to a similar shot of Cyborg and Raven near the door. Pull back to frame the entire room; now we see Robin over by the kitchen counter. Everyone is out like a light.)
(Zoom in slowly and cut to Robin, who sits up with a weary groan.)
Robin: How did I... (shakes his head to clear it, then smiles) Hey! I'm hungry. (The others get up in turn, beaming except for Starfire.)
Raven: Me too.
Beast Boy: Me three.
Cyborg: (loudly, in Beast Boy's face) Make it four! (Starfire joins them.)
Starfire: (confusedly) But who is going to feed us?
(The voice that answers her question sounds just like everyone's kindly old grandmother.)
Kindly voice: Hello, sweeties!
(Cut to the speaker, standing in front of the windows. Though visible only in silhouette for the moment, her plump figure and hair bunched up under a cloth cap match the mood projected by her voice. This is Mother Mae-Eye.)
Mother: Now that we've all had a nice nappy-wappy, what would my hungry little ones like to eat?
(On the second half of this line, the camera cuts to a close-up of her face and she steps into the light. She fits the expected description to a T, even down to the rosy cheeks and white shawl secured with a brooch. Cut/pan through the Titans.)
Beast Boy: Pie!
(Five small pies, freshly baked, judging from the steam rising off their crusts, wink into being on the counter. The Titans slide up to them and brandish forks of various makes and models.)
Titans: Thank you, Mother Mae-Eye.
(They attack the desserts with great gusto, Starfire spearing hers on the pitchfork she holds and stuffing half of it down in one bite. Cut to behind them and zoom in as Mother moves closer, laughing; in addition to the cap and shawl, she wears a red dress and a pink apron with a large eye set dead center. A wooden spoon is in one hand.)
Mother: You're ever so welcome, my children. And remember... (Close-up.) ...Mother loves you.
("Iris out" partially, stopping for a moment on her left eye, which winks and throws off a bit of glittering dust before the black screen closes up entirely.)
(Opening shot: the exterior of the Tower. Zoom in slowly.)
Mother: (from inside) Oh, this drab and dreary Tower will never do.
(A little flash of pink light emanates from one end of the top floor as she finishes. Cut to that section of the hall; she comes into view around the corner, waving her spoon and turning the steel walls into gingerbread as she goes.)
Mother: My little ones must be surrounded by sugar and spice and everything nice.
(A wave near the camera briefly fills the screen with light, which clears to show an original set of blinds covering a window in a transformed wall. A flick of the wrist turns the slats into gingerbread; she then raises them to expose a grinning sun and walks away. Pan to follow her a short distance, at which point she stops near a pair of Beast Boy's boots lying on the floor.)
Mother: Shoes? On the floor? (Laughter) Oh, dear. Where would these children be without their mother?
(She aims her spoon at the errant boots, causing them to walk away of their own accord. Cut to the owner of the footwear in question, sitting on the bottom bunk in his room and clipping his toenails; the sound of the opening door catches Beast Boy's attention. Looking up from his work, and stopping just short of a very large callus, blister, bunion, or wart; he happily watches the boots enter from the hall, flip into the air, and slide themselves neatly onto his feet. He reaches to do up the laces, but stops at the sound of the next line.)
Mother: (o.c., chiding) Mm-mm-mm. (He looks up; cut to her at the door.) Mother's little Beast Boy is too young to tie his own shoesies.
(She tosses a beam from the spoon; close-up of his feet. It hits both of them at once and leaves a perfect bow on each boot before the outer coverings flip into place. Tilt up to his face, now his eyes have taken on an odd pink color.)
Beast Boy: Thank you, Mother Mae-Eye.
(She smiles benevolently and is gone in a flash. Cut to a patch of floor in the operations center; pie tins are strewn everywhere from the Titans' belly-busting binge in the prologue. The sound of gobbling indicates that some of them are still at it, and a pan toward the kitchen proves it. Cyborg and Raven, seated on the floor, continue to chow down. Etiquette has gone right out the window, as has neatness, and all four eyes have gone pink.)
Cyborg: Mmm...they're pie-licious!
Raven: Of course they are. Mother bakes them with love.
Mother: (steppping into view) Now, children, eat as much as you like, but we mustn't be messy.
(The spoon goes into action; cut to Cyborg.)
Mother: (from o.c., taps Cyborg on his head) Cyborg needs his bibby-wibby.
(As she says this, a large bib bearing the words "I'M A BIG BOY!" appears around his neck and he gabbles happily at it. Back to her.)
Mother: (turns her spoon into handkerchief) And little Raven has crumblies all over her face.
(Laughing, she deposits a load of spit on the cloth and proceeds to scrub the splattered pie filling away from Raven's mouth. The recipient of such grooming giggles contentedly and is left with not a speck of food on her; hearts float up from her head, and the wooden spoon replaces the handkerchief again. A deft motion causes a fresh stack of pies to appear in front of each Titan, reaching as high as the kitchen counter.)
Cyborg and Raven: Thanks, Mother Mae-Eye.
(Raven gets her fork poised by the lot, but Cyborg takes a more direct approach by simply stretching out his mouth to attack his entire stack in one bite. Cut to inside the bathroom; Robin stands up into view facing the camera, his hair damp and hanging straight from just having been washed. Pull back to show this image as the reflection in the mirror. He regards himself for a moment, then reaches off to one side and digs his fingers into a can of hair gel; with its help, he restores his hair to all its spiky glory in an instant.)
(By this time, the camera has shifted to a side view of him. In the mirror, a second reflection appears behind his own and causes him to start in pure shock. All we can see is the top of a green-skinned head with three beady eyes, the third one set in the middle of the forehead, and wearing what appears to be a dark blue cap with a giant red-orange eye set in its front. The entire effect is to establish a grotesque parody of Mother.)
Mother: (from o.c.) Oh, Robin.
(Pan to her, standing behind him and looking entirely normal.)
Mother: (turns her spoon into a comb) You poor dear. You'll never tame that unruly hair without help from Mother.
(She seizes him and drags the comb through the stiffened black strands, hard enough to pull his smiling face taut on his skull. When she finishes, he bounces up to reveal a head of neatly groomed black hair and the blank white eyes of his mask have taken on a light pink tint. His head swivels 180 degrees on his neck to face her.)
Robin: I love you, Mother Mae-Eye.
(Cut to a close-up of her and zoom in slightly. She has closed her eyes to smile back at him, but when she opens them, they have gone shocking pink as did those of the first three Titans. This is blinked away after a second, and the background behind her dissolves to another room. Now she holds up a rubber bulb with a small hole at the end pointing toward the camera.)
Mother: No squirming now, dear.
(Pull back. She is pushing the thing into Starfire's nose, it is the sort of device that might be used to draw matter out of a blocked nostril or ear canal. The two are in the latter's room, and she is doing quite a bit of squirming.)
Mother: Mother must get out all your nasty nose boogies.
Starfire: (grunts a bit) Please! This is not normal! (pushes the bulb away) I have long been capable of removing my own boo-gers.
(The overly coddling caretaker backs off, struggles briefly to contain an outburst, and gets herself back under control.)
Mother: Nonsense, sweetie. Mother has always been here to take care of wittle Starfire's nosey-wosey. (suddenly annoyed, she pulls out a pie and her spoon) And eat more pie!
(A glob is quickly scooped up and stuffed into the Titan's mouth; as soon as it goes down the hatch, her eyes go just as pink as those of her four teammates and she smiles.)
Starfire: Thank you, Mother.
(Alarm and red flashers go off; she stands stock-still, but Mother is startled off her feet. As she gets up and straightens her cap, her next words are delivered in the tone of a crotchety backwoods dweller.)
Mother: Sweet Marlene! What in the world is that?
(Cut to a close-up of a computer map on which a large H.I.V.E. Academy insignia has been superimposed; pull back to show it marking a specific area of Jump City. The display is on the window/screen of the operations center. Robin is already here, and the other four Titans join him in short order. Cyborg has ditched his bib.)
(Everyone's eyes have returned to their usual colors. He starts out, as do the others, Beast Boy turning into a woodpecker to fly alongside the girls. Before anyone can get to the door, though, the alarm stops and Mother appears in a burst of light, blocking the way. She has regained her usual sweet tone and traded her wooden spoon for a small handbag.)
Mother: And just where do my sweeties think they're going?
Robin: On a mission. (Cut to her; he continues o.c.) We have to protect the city.
Mother: Goodness, no. Too dangerous.
(She reaches into the bag and pulls out an extendable folding barrier; the kind frequently used to keep babies from getting into places they ought not go. It latches into place across the doorway as all five heroes stare bug-eyed.)
Mother: Mother does not approve. Besides, you don't really want to leave me, do you?
Robin: But... no one's ever stopped us from going on missions before. (Beast Boy resumes human form.)
Beast Boy: Yeah.
Cyborg: We've saved the city hundreds of times.
Raven: (with some effort, hand to head) And you never...ugh... (Back to Mother; she continues o.c.) ...you were never...
Mother: (annoyed) Who wants pie?
(Five of them appear in midair, one above each Titan's head, and drop like rocks. Starfire does likewise when she catches hers in the face; the other four land neatly in the mouths and are swallowed whole. This batch seems to sit very badly with them, either due to overeating or for other reasons, and their eyes glaze over pink. The Tamaranean sits up with filling and pie tin on her head.)
Starfire: No. (Back to Mother; she continues o.c.) Our mission!
Mother: (smiles, sweetly) Oh, very well. You can all go outside and play, but only once Mother says you're ready.
(Cut to the T-Car, parked in the Tower's garage, and pan to one side where all the Titans except Cyborg are gathered. Mother comes up behind them, slides swiftly to the front, and hovers just above the floor with her spoon glowing.)
Mother: Now let's see.
(Close-up of Starfire's puzzled face. She is tapped on the head and the camera tilts down and pulls back as an oversized green sweater with a red stripe appears on her body. It is far too big for her, and Beast Boy has a good laugh at the sight.)
Mother: (from o.c.) We'll need a woolly sweater in case Twinkle Star gets chilly.
(The swirling light passes to Beast Boy's feet and works its way up, covering him with the sort of fluffy pink bunny pajamas that drove Ralphie Parker crazy at the end of "A Christmas Story".)
Mother: (from o.c.) A cute bunny suitie so Beastie Boo doesn't have to change into all those ugly animals.
(Raven's turn. From the feet up, a light yellow Shirley Temple dress takes the place of her cloak and she is genuinely surprised when her hair gets tied into two braids with matching bows. These are pulled so tight that they stick straight out from the sides of her head.)
Mother: (from o.c.) And a pretty, pretty dressy-poo for Mother's little Rae-Rae. (leans into view) Just because you're evil on the inside, (pinches Raven's cheek) doesn't mean you can't look pretty on the outside.
(Raven giggles as something yellow moves into view, partly blocking the screen. Cut to just behind Mother; the something is Cyborg, who now wears a raincoat, hat, and galoshes.)
Cyborg: I'm already dressed for if it rains, Mother.
Mother: Yes, dear, but did you remember to clean your room?
(The big smile on his face deflates in record time; the answer to that one is no, and his grumbling trudge across the garage backs up that hunch.)
Robin: (pulls out his communicator) The signal sounded fifteen minutes ago. (Cut to Mother; he continues o.c.) We need to get moving.
Mother: (with a hard glance, waving her spoon) What we need to do, young man...
(Cut to him and Starfire; his birdarangs and other items are swiftly extracted from his utility belt.)
Mother: (from o.c.) ...is get rid of all these dangerous toys. (Back to her; they swirl toward the spoon's head.) It's all fun and games until someone puts an eye out. (They vanish.) There, now. Is everyone ready?
(Cyborg whips back into the garage, having presumably cleaned his room. Sight gag: the Titans' heads appear against a bright pink background.)
Titans: Yes, Mother.
(A flash of light ends the gag and subsides to show the interior of the T-Car. Cyborg, however, is not driving, and a pan to the wheel reveals Mother at it, barely able to see over the dashboard. She finds first gear, but just barely; cut to outside the garage as the door opens and the vehicle zooms out, supported on a cloud of her magic light.)
Mother: (from inside) Wheeeeeee!
(Dissolve to a patch of clear sky and tilt down to show the interior of a shopping mall laid out beneath it. It is an open-air layout, two stories. A very scared clerk backs up and falls through the door of the clothing store she works at, just in time to avoid a beam that sets a nearby rack spinning. Two outfits come flying off it toward the camera.)
Jinx: (from o.c.) Ugly...tacky... (Her shadow falls over the young woman.) Be honest.
(Cut to the goofy-haired spellcaster's feet and tilt up on the next line; she is holding a white polo shirt and green skirt in front of herself.)
Jinx: Does this make me look more grown-up?
(The employee gives her a terrified little nod. Elsewhere, a black fellow in a white bodysuit with a large eye emblazoned on his chest is trying on a pair of glasses at a cart. This in itself would not be unusual, except for the fact that he only has one eye; huge, yellow, centered below his forehead. He wears a green helmet and gloves, and the sleeves end in gold wrist guards. This is See-More. He ducks out of sight; in the mirror he has been using, the store entrance across the way collapses outward. In close-up, the unmistakable bulked-up legs of Mammoth emerge from the dust, and the camera tilts up to show a freshly stolen boom box balanced on his shoulder.)
Mammoth: Man, I love crashing the mall!
(See-More comes up with a visor similar to that used by Geordi La Forge on "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and laughs.)
See-More: I can see why.
(Someone is on the way down the escalator, but quickly thinks better of it and hops to the adjacent one going back up. The reason skids into view toward the base; a beefy, black-suited figure on an olive drab motorcycle, with yellow helmet, gloves, boots, and tights and a H.I.V.E. insignia on the chest and belt. A matching shield is buckled to the left forearm. We have just met Private HIVE, who sounds very much as if he has just completed basic training at a backwoods military base.)
Private HIVE: (salutes and removes his helmet) Sir, yes, sir! Private HIVE's new motorcycle was originally half off, but with my five-finger discount, it is free!
(When he removes the headgear, he exposes a skintight yellow hood underneath; on the end of the line, he puts it on again, pops a wheelie, and peels out. In walks Gizmo to take his place; the metal spider legs he has used so often now point upwards and have grabbed a load of GameStation 2 consoles. Collectively, this entire group of villains is known as the H.I.V.E. Five.)
Gizmo: And it looks like the scuzz-sniffing Titans aren't even gonna try to stop us.
(He, Mammoth, and See-More look off to one side and react with instant, total shock; the ripped-off game systems go flying every which way, and all five eyes look ready to pop loose. Behind them, Jinx and Private HIVE lean in for a closer look and are equally dumbfounded; the latter ha now disposed of his helmet.)
Jinx: No way.
(Cut to the mall entrance, where the Titans, such as they are, have gathered and finally recovered from the last round of pies. Raven warms up her powers, but no one else even gives a hint of being ready to back her up. Extreme close-ups of the following: Robin's uncharacteristically neat hairline, Beast Boy's fuzzy pink bunny-slipper feet, the broad red stripe on Starfire's sweater, the sullen Cyborg in his bright yellow slicker. Cut to a close-up of Raven, whose frilly yellow dress and high-tension braids form a ludicrous contrast to her grimly set expression and black-burning hands.)
(The only reaction they get from the H.I.V.E. Five is a gale of derisive laughter. Sight gag: their heads appear in panels above Beast Boy and move over the Titans, the camera following.)
Private HIVE: Nice ears! (They are pulled down.)
Jinx: Love the hair. (Robin slumps over.)
Gizmo: Who dressed you guys, your mother?
(Zoom in past the panels; the T-Car pulls up in the street. Mother waves from the driver's side as horns blare from behind her o.c.)
Mother: Play nice, dears! (Robin and Starfire cringe.) Mother will be back to pick you up in twenty minutes.
(She pulls erratically into traffic, causing the cars behind her to get into a string of rear-end collisions. The H.I.V.E. Five, meanwhile, are laughing hard enough to bust a gut or three. As soon as the door behind the Titans closes, Robin whips his hair back into its usual style and remembers his place on the team.)
Robin: Titans! Go! (They do so, as do their foes, Gizmo using a backpack propeller.)
Jinx: H.I.V.E. Five! Eat 'em alive!
(Private HIVE is first to move in, leaping from the seat of his chopper, and Cyborg gets his sonic cannon into play. However, the hayseed villain simply deflects some blasts with his shield and flips out of the way of others.)
Private HIVE: Good thing you're wearing your raincoat!
(He hurls the shield like a Frisbee; it whistles past Cyborg and slices through a drinking fountain, and the torrent from the broken pipes stops the big man cold. Having recovered the thing, Private HIVE now kicks it ahead and drives it flat into Cyborg's chest. The impact smashes him back against a column and leaves him flat on the floor, but Beast Boy moves in to take his place without missing a beat while Private HIVE recovers his shield again. Gizmo descends to back up his partner.)
(As Cyborg hauls himself up, Beast Boy starts into a series of transformations, or, rather, attempted transformations. No matter what form he chooses, he cannot get free of those stupid pink bunny pajamas.)
Beast Boy: (with effort) Too tight!
(Even his bid to become a tyrannosaurus rex fails; now Cyborg charges ahead and aims a punch at Private HIVE. Cut to Beast Boy.)
Beast Boy: Can't transform!
Gizmo: (from o.c.) But I can.
(Back to him; zoom in on his chest control panel as he taps a button. Piece by piece, his entire body is encased in battle armor, the propeller retracts, and a set of goggles flips down over his eyes. Jet thrusters in the boot soles keep him aloft as a set of blasters pops up from each forearm. Cut to his green-tinted perspective of one very scared Titan. A set of crosshairs zeroes in on the head, with a C at the center point that turns into a flashing G once the lock has been established. Beast Boy screams and breaks for cover.)
(Pull back across the mall; he runs like sixty, shots zinging off the floor just behind his feet, and Gizmo soars after him. In the foreground, Raven and Jinx back into view while trading blows. The former levitates a stool sitting by the eyewear cart, intending to cave the latter's skull in with it, but a well-timed hex shatters it in midair. A new barrage puts Raven on the defensive and forces her to throw up a shield; as she backs away, her dress gets caught on the cart and she is yanked to the floor. Cut to her.)
Jinx: (from o.c.) You're out of style... (She walks up; cut to her.) ...and out of luck.
(The swing of one arm casts a spell that hurls the entire cart toward the escalators, taking Raven along for the ride. Next up is Starfire, who backs up before a stream of huge eyeballs launched her way; See-More's mode of attack. She raises her hands as if trying to throw a starbolt, but cannot squeeze off even one shot in answer and moans in frustration, her overlong sleeves have gummed up the works A moment later, she is flung backward when the biggest eye explodes in her face. The one-eyed adversary moves in after her and adjusts the lens on his helmet.)
Starfire: (rises into the air) You are not the only one with powerful eyes.
(She proves it by unloading a blast from hers, but See-More manages to generate a hemispherical eyeball shield and lets the shots ricochet upward. Taking it down, he tweaks the knob as he speaks, flicking his eye through several different colors.)
See-More: Yeah, but I bet I'm the only one with see-through vision!
(He laughs as the lens flicks to show a black eye with a white pupil; Starfire blushes, gasps in shock, and covers the essential bits as best she can. A flick to blue, and See-More's entire eye is launched up toward her. When it hits, it does not explode but instead engulfs her as if it were made of gelatin. Down she goes, hard, and Mammoth is driven backward into view to bounce off the surface. See-More has already regenerated his eye. The giant lifts his head and snorts out a lungful of angry steam; cut to Robin, who delivered this blow, with the free-for-all continuing behind him. Here comes Mammoth, ready to pound him into the floor tiles, and Robin's hand dips to his belt. Momentarily forgetting that Mother confiscated all his weapons, though, he is absolutely shocked to find himself holding a baby bottle.)
(He dodges a meaty punch and starts to retreat, throwing the bottle into Mammoth's face. Another reach into the belt brings up a rattle, no help there either. Another punch dodged; now he pulls out a pacifier, dodges again, and launches a counter-punch. It connects with Mammoth's jaw and leaves the device in his mouth to boot. Throwing away a few more toys, Robin soon finds a very angry behemoth glaring down at him and sucking on the pacifier. A hard spit bounces it off the spiky coiffure, which is them grabbed up in one huge hand as the other pulls his cape up over his head.)
Mammoth: Looks like that belt's only good for one thing!
(The hand on the head finds its way to the back of Robin's belt and yanks upward to deliver one of the most painful wedgies in the history of Jump City. When the Boy Wonder raises his head, the agonized look on his face and the tear hanging from one eye indicate Mammoth's mastery of this bit of torment. As soon as is he set down, he receives a vicious kick that leaves him bouncing across the floor to fetch up near the imprisoned Starfire. It takes him only a moment to get to his feet; as the other three Titans gather here as well, the H.I.V.E. Five close in. Close-up of Beast Boy.)
Beast Boy: Uh, you think they'd let us call time out? (Pan to Cyborg and Starfire.)
Mother: (from o.c.) These children deserve more than a time out.
(Hearing that voice in this place startles both Titans. Pull back to frame all ten fighters, who turn to stare flabbergasted toward the camera, and cut to Mother in flight on the next line.)
Mother: (crotchety) They need a good sound spanking!
(Swing after swing of that little handbag sends the H.I.V.E. Five flying every which way. The last one to get the beatdown is Mammoth, who ends up crashing into Starfire's eyeball holding cell. She is bounced up against a lamppost and knocked free in a torrent of blue slime, and the bulb crashes down on her head. Pull back to frame her, shaking her head to clear it, and the overgrown enemy.)
Gizmo: (from o.c.) Run! (He and the rest of the H.I.V.E. Five bug out.)
Private HIVE: She took my shield!
Mammoth: (running after them) She's crazy!
(Mother approaches the half-collapsed Titan and resumes her usual sugary voice.)
Mother: Oh, dear! (Starfire's perspective of her-wavering woozily.) Did Twinkle Star get a boo-boo on her noggin?
(The view has now gone somewhat out of focus, and the kindly figure dissolves into a shoulders-up shot of the hideous visage Robin glimpsed briefly in the bathroom mirror. In addition to the three eyes, dark blue cap with black spots, and green skin, we can now see more details; ragged gray hair, long, hooked, warty nose, torn white shawl, black dress. The brooch at her throat has become a small copy of the huge red-orange eye on her cap. Now Starfire gets her eyes focused again.)
Mother: Don't cry, sweetie.
(Cut to Starfire, whose eyes clear as she gasps in fright.)
Mother: (from o.c.) Mother's here. (The Titan's perspective; she leans in.) Mother will always be here.
(Fade to black.)
(Opening shot: two men in a boat, doing a little fishing in Jump City Bay. The tranquil scene is disrupted only somewhat by the passage of the T-Car, which floats above the water toward home thanks to Mother's magic. Cut to a slow pan across the interior, a group of thoroughly dejected Titans, four of whom are back under the influence that first caught them when they ate those pies. The green Mother-apparition is once again the driver's seat; only Starfire, seated behind her, seems to have a clear mind. Mother's three eyes are fixed on her in the rear view mirror.)
Mother: (a bit crotchety) Mother's wittle Twinkle Star is awfully quiet back there. (turns to Starfire) Is everything hunky-dory?
Starfire: (pulls her head farther into the sweater) Yes, Mother. I am just... (puts her head out) ...pouty-wouty because we were not victorious in battle.
(Cut to outside; the T-Car sputters across the water.)
Mother: (from inside) Mother told you going out to play was dangerous, little ones. And look what happened! (A family of ducks swims by, outpacing the car.) Those nasty children were meanie-poops, and Mother had to come and save her babies. (Inside.)
Robin: Yeah. We won't ever go on one of those stupid old missions again.
Mother: You won't have to, sweetie. From now on, you'll all stay home with Mother, forever! (Close-up of Cyborg; she continues o.c.) Now who wants more... (A pie appears.) ...pie?
(He instantly perks up at the presence of the dessert. Cut to a pan across the back seat; the other four Titans have received pies of their own, and all but Starfire are greedily stuffing them down. On the next line, pull back to the front seat, framing a messy-faced Cyborg as well.)
Robin, Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Raven: (all together) We love you, Mother Mae-Eye.
(A pinkish mist begins to issue from the heads of the now-pacified Titans and disappear into the driver's forehead.)
Mother: (sweetly) I know, sweeties.
(She laughs as the camera pans slightly to frame one very puzzled back-seat passenger. Cut to just behind the pair and zoom in slowly on the rear view mirror; those three eyes are now glowing bright pink, just as those of Mothers human form did on occasion in Act One.)
Mother: Mother loves you, too.
(Dissolve to a patch of a marshmallow landscape that would send any five-year-old into ecstasies and make any dentist pull his hair out. The vista is dotted with lollipops and candy canes for trees, and a cute little rabbit eats a cookie in the foreground while a fawn bounds across behind. Not too far away are the lower stories of a gingerbread house; tilt up to show it as the Tower, part of whose transformation we saw at the beginning of Act One. A squirrel perches on one of the lollipops, and a rainbow stretches across the sky.)
Mother: (from inside) Five o'clock, little ones.
(Cut t a darkened room inside. Mother, back in human form, has tucked all five Titans into a single large, round bed that looks startlingly like a pie tin. They are still wearing their outfits from earlier in the day. Starfire's Amazing Mumbo alarm clock sits nearby; zoom in past it.)
Mother: Time for beddy-bye. (covers/leans over Beast Boy) Good night, Beastie Boo.
Beast Boy: Good night, Mother.
Mother: (pinching Raven's cheek) Good night, Rae-Rae.
Raven: Good night, Mother.
Mother: (hugging Cyborg) Good night, Borgy Bear.
Cyborg: Good night, Mother.
Mother: (smoothing Robin's hair) Good night, Robby-Wobby.
Robin: Good night, Mother.
(Cut to Starfire. The approach of a gnarled green hand causes her to recoil as far as she can behind the blankets; cut to her perspective of Mother, just as she appeared in the T-Car. It is now quite clear that when the mall light clanged off the Tamaranean's skull in Act One, she was knocked out of whatever illusion Mother has been able to impose on the Titans.)
Mother: Good night, Twinkle Star.
(Starfire's eyes, now narrowed to panicked pinpoints, are all that can be seen of her face due to the sheets she has yanked up.)
Starfire: (small voice) Good night, Mother.
(Mother gives the group one last look before leaving the room; the door creaks shut, putting the place in near-total darkness. Pull back to show four Titans sawing logs and one who is nowhere close to following suit. Long pause as she sits regarding them, then a brief sight gag; her head swells for the first three words of the next line.)
Starfire: (softly) Friends! Awaken! Alarm! (They wake up; she continues at normal volume; zoom in.) The Mother Mae-Eye is not truly our mother, but an evil witch who has tricked us all and invaded our home and forbidden our missions and stolen our boo-gers and keeps us under her spell with frequent and plentiful helpings of enchanted pie!
(On the end of this line, her face goes red and then bright blue from oxygen deprivation. Once she has finished, the camera pulls back as she gasps for breath and her normal color returns. Cut to Raven, who is directing a slightly hairy eyeball her way. Each of the four respondents sounds half-asleep.)
Raven: So...what, now? (Pull back to frame Cyborg.)
Cyborg: (aside, to Raven) I think she's saying she wants more pie.
Starfire: (fumes) I am saying that Mother Mae-Eye does not belong here!
Robin: Of course she does, Starfire. (Cyborg nods.) Mother's always been here. She takes care of us.
Beast Boy: And...M-Mother loves us. And we love her.
(In no time flat, they have conked out again and resumed snoring. A sugary-sweet giggle from the hall throws a fresh scare into Starfire; she immediately whips down and tries to feign sleep. Mother's crotchety tone reasserts itself somewhat until further notice.)
Mother: (from the hall) Just look at 'em.
(Pan toward the door, which has a vertical grille through which a new kind of light is shining in.)
Mother: (from the hall) So snuggly and warm. (peers in) And they really do love me.
(Once she has ducked away, Starfire sits up again. Cut to the hall, the camera positioned just outside this grille, as the young insomniac eases up to peek out.)
Mother: (from o.c.) Love, love, love. I love love.
(Cut to Starfire's perspective; Mother has her back to the room and is working at a counter, with clouds of steam or dust floating everywhere.)
Mother: Love keeps children close, and love keeps Mother strong.
(She laughs. Head-on view of her; she is in a kitchen, rolling out dough, and the clouds are flour. Behind her are an old potbellied stove; the grille is cut into its door, the Titans are within, and a high chair. She has grown to many times normal size.)
Mother: And now that they couldn't possibly love me more, I can extract all their sweet, nourishing affection by baking them with love.
(Wild, cackling laughter, which dies away suddenly as she whips her head around to peek in. Cut to just inside the stove/bedroom and pan slightly to show Starfire hiding behind one bar in the door grille. This shot reveals an apron tied around Mother's waist; blue, with a large red-orange eye to match the one on her cap.)
(She dives toward the bed; pull back to show her under the covers, just in time for Mother to open the door and inspect the quintet. A colossal shadow falling over Starfire provokes a scared gasp, and the camera pulls back to show its source, a gigantic upper pie crust, floating across the space and then clamping itself down on the bed-tin. The walls glow with a lurid red light, suggesting that Mother has turned up the heat.)
(Cut to the kitchen, the slots beginning to glow, then to inside again. More snoring echoes through here; within the pie, Starfire is still wide awake and has started sweating buckets due to heat and/or panic. She turns her head to look at the others, the camera panning in that direction, and sees only four snoring, oblivious heroes. Outside the pie, the Mumbo clock melts down in the heat; extreme close-up of Starfire's narrowing eyes, which begin to burn green, then cut to outside the pie again. The crust explodes into a shower of fragments under her eye-blast assault, and she flies straight up to burst out through the stove top.)
Starfire: My friends are not pie!
(She lets go with a fusillade that catches Mother off guard, after which the camera cuts to the shooter. Pan slightly on the next line to frame the other four Titans, now awake, through the door; the air inside shimmers and wavers from the extreme heat.)
Robin: Starfire, stop!
Raven: Why are you hurting Mother? (Inside; Starfire looks in.)
Starfire: Look at her! Can you not see? (Outside.) She is not our mother! (Mother straightens up.) She is a horrible, mean--
(She figures out that the enemy has regrouped and turns away from the stove, too late. A long bolt of ribbon shoots out from the wooden spoon and ties her from shoulders to thighs, with an extra length around her knees for good measure. Next, a flick brings her face to face with the huge green abomination, whose sweet tone is now entirely gone. A bar of soap rests on the kitchen counter.)
Mother: Bad, bad Twinkle Star! (The soap is bewitched.) Mother's naughty girlie stayed up past her bedtime!
(The bar stuffs itself neatly into Starfire's mouth; extreme close-up of Mother's face.)
Mother: And Mother must punish!
Robin: (from within the stove) Mother, wait! (Cut to him and the others inside.) She didn't mean to--
Mother: (looks in) Nighty-night!
(Her eyes glow pink, mesmerizing all four and putting them back to sleep in a heartbeat. In another room, the rebellious fifth Titan has been untied and put in a high chair that is far too big for her. All the lights have been put out except for an overhead spot.)
Mother: (from within darkness) Well, well, well. (She moves into the light.) Looks like Little Miss Cranky-Pants hasn't been eating enough pie.
(During this line, the camera pulls back to an overhead shot of the area; the lights have come up enough to reveal tall stacks of pies filling nearly every square inch of floor space. Pan briefly across the massive surplus of baked goods, then cut to a close-up of Starfire. One end of a conveyor belt extends into view at face level and stops just short as she squirms to try and get that soap out of her mouth. Cut to her perspective, Mother standing by the belt, a stream of pies making its way toward the camera, then back to her. The bar vanishes, leaving her free to gasp, and here comes dessert.)
(She is cut off when the pies start dropping off the conveyor and splatting over her. Spluttering for a moment.)
Starfire: ...zordmorking clorbag! Your evil plans shall fail!
Mother: What evil plans, sweetie?
(As she says this, the next pie slides along the conveyor and the camera pans slightly to follow. The tin is marked "TURBO LOVE PIE 3000 XL." Close-up of the Titan who has just gone right off sweets, probably for the rest of her life, and zoom in.)
Mother: (from o.c.) Everything Mother does...
(An explosion of filing covers the screen; the camera has just ridden in with that pie, then cut to an extreme close-up of Mother's face.)
Mother: ...she does out of love.
(Back to Starfire, who has finally caught one in the kisser and has no choice but to choke it down. It takes effect instantly and she closes her eyes.)
Starfire: Yes, Mother. (opening her eyes; they are normal) I love you, too.
Mother: (approaches) That's my good wittle Twinkle Star. Now you can have all the pie you like!
(She vanishes in a swirl of light and the camera zooms in. After a long moment, "Twinkle Star" opens her mouth and extends her tongue, quite a bit longer than any human's, with the intact pie balanced on the end. Retracting it, she lets the force-fed dessert drop to the floor and is herself again.)
Starfire: Never have I been so thankful to have nine stomachs.
(Back to the kitchen, where Mother materializes in a twinkling and turns to the counter. Zoom in on the stove, then cut to the rest of the Titans inside. The particulars of their situation have finally gotten to them, and they groan and shift uneasily in their sleep. Close-up of Beast Boy now sweating as profusely as Starfire did before she broke out.)
Beast Boy: Mother...too toasty.
Cyborg: I want a glass of water. (Cut to Mother, stirring sparkles above the counter.)
Mother: (sweetly) Not now, children. Mother's busy making things pretty.
(On the second half of this line, three surly gingerbread men stand up from the flat surface; they then hop down to the floor.)
Mother: Besides, it'll all be over very soon.
(She cackles wildly and disappears as the crazed cookies cross to the stove, whose door opens to reveal four yelling Titans. The new reinforcements start to climb in after them, but are interrupted when Starfire smashes her way in through a cupboard with a mighty yell. She has finally extricated herself from that huge sweater. Cut to the stove; the cookies turn back toward her, ready to tear her limb from limb, but stop cold when one blinding starbolt lances across the screen. When the glare clears, one of the three has been cut in half, as has the entire stove, and the pieces slide apart. Close-up of Robin, who gasps in surprise.)
Robin: You broke Mother's cookies. (Pull back to frame Cyborg and Raven.)
Cyborg and Raven: (in unison) Ohhhhh... (The unspoken next word: "Busted!")
Starfire: Please, friends, you must believe me! A bump on the cranium has allowed me to see Mother for what she really-- (Close-up of Beast Boy.)
Robin, Beast Boy, Cyborg and Raven: (taunting, all o.c.) You're gonna get in trouble! (Pull back; pan to the others.) You're gonna get in trouble!
(Cut to the dumbfounded Starfire; as the chant continues, she looks off to one side and finds a battalion of gingerbread men on the counter. They are making more of themselves with a cookie cutter, and several are armed with candy canes and lollipops. Pull back to show many more gathered on the floor, ready to avenge their fallen comrades; one steps into view at the fore, tapping a candy cane into its hand.)
Starfire: Forgive me.
(She hefts Mother's giant rolling pin. Cut to the other Titans, now dancing in a circle and still chanting, and zoom in slowly as the heavy cylinder is lifted for a strike. A flash of light and stars, and all four are left groaning and rubbing their heads. Robin is first to open his eyes all the way, and they are no longer pink. The same is true for each of the others; Starfire has finally knocked some sense into them.)
Robin: What did you do that--? Um, why am I in a giant pie? (Cut to Beast Boy.)
Beast Boy: Why am I in a bunny suit? (Pan to Raven on the next line.)
Raven: (really annoyed) Why am I in a dress?
(A black aura licks up around her body; pull back to frame the remains of the stove, then again on the next line to show the rest of the kitchen.)
Cyborg: Who's been redecorating my Tower? (The gingerbread brigades approach; close-up.)
Starfire: Uh, perhaps I could explain later.
(The candy canes are hooked over the edge of the platform, allowing the advance guard to climb up to this level. Cut to a pan across the Titans, all of whom ditch the clothing Mother gave them; Raven's cloak replaces her dress and the braids give way to her usual hairstyle. Stop on Robin, who shakes his hair back to normal.)
Robin: Titans! Go!
(They charge, Beast Boy turning into a falcon to fly alongside the girls. In a trice, the climbing troops are knocked loose and Cyborg takes out a few dozen in one swift move.)
Raven: Azarath Metrion Zinthos!
(Her spell encapsulates several gingerbread men in a bubble, lifts them into the air, and crushes them to powder. On the ground, Robin squares off with a cane-wielding attacker; the two grapple a bit before he flips it overhead to smash into one of the spectators. Twirling the treat as if it were his own fighting staff, he backs away and takes down a couple of others with ease.)
(At the rear of the formation, a gingerbread man whistles; it wears a pot on its head as if this were an Army helmet, the regimental commander. The troops respond by gathering in one small patch of the floor and leaping up into a towering formation, and the camera tilts up to show that they are assembling themselves into a single gargantuan cookie. Once it has fully formed, it lets off a screeching roar, shaking the entire room and exposing a drooling mouthful of sharp yellow teeth.)
(Everyone backs up a bit, Beast Boy having returned to human form, and the colossus starts to close in. However, it stops short upon discovering that the shape-shifter has become a T-rex, and a rather hungry-looking one at that. The huge green head lunges forward with teeth bared; there is a snap, and the camera cuts to an open patch of floor. The gingerbread man backs into view, revealing that everything from the waist up has been removed in one huge bite, and the remains collapse.)
(Cut to the hall. The kitchen doors are smashed out from their hinges, and the Titans, Beast Boy in human form, with the enemy's head under his arm-set off.)
Beast Boy: Dude! If there's candy everywhere, how come our house smells like old lady? (He eats.)
Cyborg: I still don't get how we got into this mess.
Raven: I remember seeing Mother for the first time, right after Cyborg brought home a pie.
(Everyone stops on the end of this, and a huge question mark pops up above Robin's head.)
Robin: Where did you get the pie? (Cyborg grins hugely for a moment, then thinks hard.)
(Page-turn scene transition to an oval-frame picture of him on a city street. It is nighttime, and he is looking at a small booth tucked in between a couple of stores. On the front panel is a large eye, matching those of Mother's true form, and the proprietor is a hunchbacked green crone sitting behind a crystal ball.)
Cyborg: (voice over) I was walking past a dark alley at night, and there was this weird, old gypsy who says... (Page turn: she is seen in close-up.)
Gypsy: (voice over) Mystical items at reasonable prices. (Page turn: Cyborg beams at the camera.)
Cyborg: (voice over) So I'm like, "Cool! What should I get? Brain in a jar? Monkey's paw? Ooh, pie!"
(As each item is mentioned, the page turns to show it; after the pie, one more flip returns us to the hall. Cyborg is still lost in the memory, but snaps back after a second; pan to Robin on the next line.)
Cyborg: Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Robin: All right, Titans. We know how Mother Mae-Eye got into our lives. (Door opens o.c., throwing light over the group.) Now we need to think of a way to get her out.
Mother: (from o.c., frighteningly sweet) Oh. I'm afraid there is no way out, sweetie.
(During this line, the camera shifts to behind the Titans, revealing that the "door" was actually the entire wall of the kitchen, and there is an entire gingerbread army waiting for them. As the camera pans slowly across the massed forces, every one of which now holds a candy cane, Mother steps into view, her footsteps shaking the camera.)
Mother: Mother will always be here to take care of you...
(On this line, the camera shifts to frame five very scared Titans in her growing shadow; at its end, cut to behind them as she towers over them. Not a bit of sugar in her voice now.)
Mother: ...whether you like it or not!
(Tilt up, putting the Titans out of view; she cackles insanely and fires a blast from her spoon that fills the screen with its unwholesome pink glare. Fade to black.)
(Opening shot: a close-up of Robin, with Starfire just behind and ready to let her eyes do the talking.)
Robin: Titans! Move!
(Pull back; all scatter, to avoid the burst Mother fired off just before the break, and launch a counter-offensive against her and the gingerbread men.)
Mother: You ungrateful little monsters! I treated you like my own children, (Beast Boy charges as a lion.) and this is how you repay me?!
(The leonine hero takes a shot in mid-leap and ends up embedded in a huge green Jell-O mold, skidding past Robin and Starfire.)
Mother: I cooked, I cleaned, I slaved over a hot stove...
(On the end of this line, she unloads another shot and the camera cuts to Starfire, who takes the full force of it. A huge flash, and the teenager has been confined to a large magnet and flung onto the refrigerator. As she struggles to break out, the camera pulls back to frame the supremely vexed ogre, who is still getting shots in the back from Cyborg and Raven.)
Mother: I tied your shoes and wiped your filthy faces!
(A flick of the wooden spoon leaves these two defenders sliding across the kitchen floor in separate Mason jars. Cyborg bangs on the glass to no effect; cut to inside his jar, looking out at Mother.)
Mother: I took care of you, and I did it all because of love!
(The sound of Robin fighting other enemies draws her attention; cut to a cookie, seen from behind, as his fist smashes through its head and fragments fly everywhere. He kicks down a few others, but is stopped cold when a licorice whip lashes into view and wraps him up. Cut to the counter, where he is deposited next to the other Titans, who have been freed from their respective confinements and bound in the same manner. Beast Boy is back in human form.)
Mother: (from o.c.) I love you, children... (approaches the counter) ...and I'm gonna make you love me, no matter how much it hurts!
(Close-up of Robin's right hand, which fishes out a hidden birdarang that Mother apparently did not know about in Act One. The blades sever one turn of the candy holding him; tilt up to his face.)
Robin: Let us go, you crazy--
Mother: Sorry, dear. You didn't say, "Mother, may I?" (She conjures up a pie and makes one piece float free.) Now open wide!
(As the slice hurtles down toward his face, he breaks free and seizes it.)
Robin: (icily) Lady, you're not my mother.
(Robin turns on his heel to work up a little momentum and lets fly with all the force he can muster. The pie collides dead center with her face.)
Mother: Ow! My eyes!
(Cut to a pan across the counter. One by one, the others break free, Beast Boy turning into a orangutan to help himself out.)
Mother: (from o.c.) That's it! (Cut to her.) You're all grounded!
(With a gesture of her spoon, she brings the shattered gingerbread men back to life, piecing them together into revolting assemblages of body parts held together by red icing. Pan across the reanimated treats, then pull back to show Mother standing behind them. When all advance, the Titans get a scare and a half thrown into them and beat feet; Beast Boy is back in human form. Before they can make it to the hall, however, Mother pops up from nowhere; they beat a hasty retreat, but she is right on their tails with spoon blazing. The horrid cookies are knocked every which way as the Titans plow right through them, but they quickly regroup and set off again.)
(Mother's spell washes ahead of the five fugitives, opening a broad fissure in the floor for them to fall through. They wind up on another kitchen counter on which various appliances; teapot, toaster, blender, have had fabric cozies put over them. Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire get the coverings loose and put them over the Titans an instant before Mother stalks past the countertop. Robin peeks out, then ducks away just in time to avoid being spotted by the massive green hag; after she has gone again, all five bail out.)
(Cut to a pan through a snow-covered landscape that looks as if it might be part of a piece of knitting. As the Titans run/fly for their lives through here, the camera pulls back to show the scenery as being on a long scarf that Mother is busily knitting, and they are headed straight toward her. As soon as they realize this, they stop and head back the way they came, and she throws her needles aside and starts to unravel the thing. Try as they might, the Titans cannot keep ahead of the pulled-out yarns and go flying off the back edge. Cut to a close-up of Mother, who laughs silently, and tilt down to show that she has knitted a new scarf; with the five youths firmly ensnared in its structure.)
(Cyborg brings out his left-arm chainsaw as he did in "Haunted." Back to Mother, whose laughter abruptly stops when bits of fabric float up in front of her; he has cut everyone free and ruined her handiwork in the process. All five now race along a white expanse marked with red streaks; the path circles upward, then back on itself, and they stop and stare around in confusion. Pull back to reveal that they are standing on an all-day lollipop held by Mother, who has moved outside the Tower. The first to move is Robin, who launches a flying kick at her nose; he bounces away, the others leap off after him, and the chase is on once more.)
(The gnarled black shoes rise and fall, trying to stomp the Titans into the jellybean cobblestones of the path, as the desperate race continues toward the Tower. Inspired by the sight of it, Robin gets his feet into top gear, but Mother takes to the air on a huge pie and pulls a three-eyed set of aviator goggles into place. Arrayed before her is a bank of controls, which she operates to bring out a jet thruster on each side of the tin. She gains ground and pulls in above the Titans, who have nearly reached the opening front door; Robin looks back, his face going slack and an exclamation point appearing in each eye. The crazed green creature has now ditched the flying pie and goggles, commandeered the T-Car, and figured out how to put it in fifth gear.)
(Five very scared heroes go flat out to stay ahead of the rolling lunatic and dive through the front door, which slams shut just in time to lock her out. Instead of safety, however, what they get is a fast tumble down a marshmallow flight of stairs and a drop into a colossal pie that has been placed at its foot. Cut to Raven's side.)
Raven: I never knew I could feel this much hatred for a pastry.
Beast Boy: Pie, pie, pie! I hope I never see another pie as long as I live! (Pan to Robin.)
Robin: Actually, I could use a little pie right now. (He dives in.)
Starfire: Robin? (He comes up with a very dirty face.)
Robin: If pie is what got her into the Tower, then pie is how we're going to get her out.
(This proclamation earns him a hopelessly befuddled stare from the rest of the team. Dissolve to a set of closed doors elsewhere in the Tower; Mother barges in.)
Mother: Oh, children! Come out, come out, wherever you are! ...Huh?
(Cut to just behind her; she has found the Titans, still poking out of the golden-brown crust, holding small pies and with filling all over their beaming faces. Here come the mutilated gingerbread men, ready for a little payback, but before they can get it, each Titan speaks up sweetly.)
Beast Boy: We're so sorry we made you angry, Mother.
Raven: We don't know what came over us.
Cyborg: But then we found some of your delicious pies.
Robin: And now, we feel all better.
Titans: We love you, Mother Mae-Eye. (Close-up of Mother, suddenly placated.)
Starfire: (from o.c.) Please... (Cut to Stardire, spreading her arms wide.) ...may I have the hug?
Mother: Of course, sweetie. (leans down to Starfire) Mother always has a hug for her little--
(The Titans vacate the pie in an eyeblink; in the next one, Beast Boy has become a gorilla and leaped onto Mother's face. The magic wooden spoon drops forgotten to the floor and is scooped up by Starfire, while Raven gets the huge dessert under control and levitates it up to the flying Tamaranean's level. A swing of the spoon causes it to detonate in a brilliant pink flash; as the view clears and she is hurled backward, pan to Mother. Beast Boy drops free and flies away as a pigeon, giving us a clear view of three eyes that go wide as saucers. Cut to the reason; a vortex created by the explosive meeting of pie and spoon, pulling in the entire redesigned Tower and everything that went with it. Candy walls, gingerbread monstrosities, high chairs, Mother's cap, even the screaming green beast, who gets stuck with only her head and hands protruding through the portal.)
Mother: NOBODY LOVES ME!!
(Her voice fades out as she and the last traces of her work are dragged in to leave the screen black. Fade to dark red, which resolves into a patch of carpeting as a bakery-fresh pie drops onto it. Silkie slithers into view to nose at it, and four pairs of boots, all but Raven's, step up close; Beast Boy is back in human form.)
Beast Boy: (from o.c., nudges the pie) So...
(From the ground-view of the Titans; Raven has kept her distance.)
Beast Boy: ...she's trapped in the pie?
Raven: Yeah, sure, why not?
Starfire: And what are we to do with this evil confection?
Cyborg: We could eat it. (Dirty looks go all around Cyborg.) I'm just kidding! (sniffles and backs off) Mostly.
Robin: I have a better idea.
(Cut to a close-up of the pie, then to a door marked with the H.I.V.E. insignia. Beast Boy reaches into view, knocks twice, and pulls away quickly; after a moment, the door slides up to reveal Gizmo on the other side. Suffice it to say that he is quite ticked off at the interruption; he looks back and forth for a moment, and in a brief sight gag; the top of his head flaps free as he speaks.)
Gizmo: All right! What sort of pit-munching scuzz-wad is dumb enough to prank the H.I.V.E. Five?
(He looks down, bends out of frame, and comes up with the freshly minted pie, dropped off by the Titans.)
Gizmo: Cool! Free pie!
(Gizmo goes back inside, the door closing behind him, Dissolve to a slow pan across the space, which is poorly lit and cluttered with junk, and stop on the H.I.V.E. Five at a table near the far end. This is their hideout, and they proceed to gorge themselves on the treat left on the doorstep. After several seconds of unadulterated gluttony, cut to a close-up of Mammoth, who sits back and groans due to the discomfort of overeating. Pan across Gizmo, Jinx, and See-More, who have also had too much, and a close-up of the equally woozy Private HIVE shows Mother, back in human form, standing behind him, hands on shoulders. All nine eyes, four pairs and See-More's single, have gone pink under her control. Tilt up to her face on the next line.)
Mother: (sweetly) Eat as much as you like, sweeties. (Zoom in slightly.) There's plenty more here that came from. And remember... (Dissolve to her true form, eyes glowing pink.) ...Mother loves you.
(The view fades to black except for those three vivid spots, which fade out a moment later.)