Transcripts Wiki
[splashing]
Apple Bloom: Just one more time? Please?
Applejack: Alright, but this is the last one.
Apple Bloom: Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woooo!
[splash]
Granny Smith: [spluttering] Who done that?!
Apple Bloom: Sure wish you'd come swim with us, Granny.
Granny Smith: Uh, sorry, dear. I just can't bring myself anywhere near that there swimmin' hole.
Apple Bloom: How come?
Granny Smith: Well, I wasn't always this way...
[telecine beeping]
Granny Smith: Time was, I was an aquapony all-star! In fact, I was the only Apple to ever come close to breaking the Equestria high-diving record! Falling six stories into a deep dish pie pan takes a toll on the hindquarters. Oh, I was so sore, took years before I could even look at the water again! Just the idea of swimmin' makes my whole body ache! Besides, these old legs can't even paddle fast enough to stay afloat.
[splash]
Granny Smith: [panicked noises]
Apple Bloom: Boy, I sure would hate to be afraid of swimmin'. You think I'll ever be scared of the water?
[Jaws-theme BGM]
Apple Bloom: Aah!
Big McIntosh: Nope.
Applejack and Big McIntosh: [laughing]
[theme song]
Apple Bloom: Wow, Granny. I can't believe you were a high diver!
Granny Smith: The best one in Ponyville!
Apple Bloom: Do you think I could be a high diver?
Big McIntosh: Nope.
Applejack: Absolutely not.
Apple Bloom: But–
Granny Smith: Now you hold your horsefeathers, little seed! I never said bein' a high diver was a smart decision! It's incredibly dangerous!
Apple Bloom: I know, but–
Granny Smith: But nothin'! It is the riskiest, scariest, darn-fool thing I ever did do! That's not to say I didn't wish I was still young and spry and confident, but let's leave the flyin' through the air to the Pegasi.
Apple Bloom: Wow, when you put it that way, it doesn't sound so fun.
[ponies talking]
Applejack: Wow. I wonder where everypony's headed.
[distant fairground music]
Applejack: Now where in Ponyville do you two think you're goin'?
Granny Smith: Aw, quit bein' such a worry-worm and follow your ears!
Apple Bloom: Come on, Applejack, aren't you curious?
[fairground music gets closer]
[ponies chattering]
[crank turning]
[steam puffing]

Flim Flam Miracle Curative Tonic

[splash]
Apple Bloom: Boy, I just can't believe all the things that Flim Flam Tonic can do!
Applejack: When somepony says somethin's too good to be true, it usually is.
Apple Bloom: You mean Granny wasted her money?
Applejack: Well, I don't know about that, but I don't think there's a tonic in Equestria that can make an old pony young again.
Granny Smith: Howdy!
Apple Bloom: Granny?!
Applejack: Hang on now! We'll get ya!
[splash]
Applejack: [grunts]
[splash]
Apple Bloom: Granny, I thought you were too afraid of the water to swim! And, and what about your hip?!
Granny Smith: Well, I reckon it might have been a problem before I had myself a dose of that there Flim Flam Tonic!
Applejack: I'm not so sure that tonic really does anythin'.
Granny Smith: Doesn't do anythin'?! What d'you call this? [hums a tune]
Applejack: I'm glad you're feelin' good, but how do you know it's from the tonic?
Granny Smith: I looked out at the water this mornin' and I felt the same terrifyin' aches and pains I always do. But one sip of that magic elixir and it all went away! Why, I might even get a head start on my chores! What do you say, Big Mac-a-doo? Up for a little afternoon applebuckin'?
Big McIntosh: Uh, no.
Granny Smith: Oh, quit your bellyachin'!
Apple Bloom: Gee, it looks like that tonic works after all! I wonder what's in it.
Applejack: I think maybe it's time we found out.
[Flim Flam Miracle Curative Tonic in background]
Apple Bloom: So you're just gonna walk up and ask them how it works?
Applejack: I guess. Though if it's a genuine cure, I don't suppose they'll be too keen on sharin' the recipe.
[Silver Shill]
–out the door!
Apple Bloom: Wait a second! That's that same pony from before!
Applejack: Hey!
[thudding]
Applejack: Now hold it right there, Mister...?
Silver Shill: Shill. Silver Shill. Ooh, what do you two want?
Applejack: Our Granny took some tonic and we want to know how it works.
Apple Bloom: Granny couldn't swim before, and now she can. Just like you couldn't walk and now you can. But what are you doin' back here? I mean, if the tonic cured you and all...
Silver Shill: [gulps]
Applejack: ...Because he's part of the act! It's time for you to tell the truth! You never needed crutches at all, did ya?
Silver Shill: I, uh...
[whistles blowing]
Applejack: Hey! Huh?
Flim: Well, if it isn't our most favorite Apple!
Flam: What brings you back to our humble abode?
Applejack: You two charlatans sold my Granny a bottle of tonic, and now she's off actin' like a filly again.
Flim: What's so bad about that?
Applejack: If she keeps gallavantin' around like a yearlin', she's apt to drop from exhaustion or worse! What's more, I know for a fact that your friend here is dressin' up as a different pony every night so he can pretend to be cured!
Flam: Well, well, well, that's quite an accusation.
Flim: But let's say that it's true...
Flam: Hypothetically...
Flim: Theoretically...
Flam: As I understand, your Granny was a famous aquapony.
Flim: The star of the show, once upon a time.
Flam: But hasn't set so much as a hoof in the water since.
Applejack: Until today, that's right.
Flim: Well, then even if our tonic were nothing more than a mixture of apple juice and beet leaves...
Flam: Hypothetically...
Flim: Theoretically...
Flam: The fact is that Granny is happier now than before she tried it.
Applejack: I guess...
Flim: So, the question is...
Flam: Do you really want to be the pony who takes all that happiness away?
Applejack: I...
Apple Bloom: There you are! I've been lookin' all over! Did you find out what's in the tonic?
Applejack: Honestly, Apple Bloom... as long as it works, I... don't suppose it really matters.
Apple Bloom: Well, if it doesn't matter to you, then it doesn't matter to me either, sis.
Flim: That's the spirit!
Flam: Come back anytime!
[splashing]
Apple Bloom: Hey, Granny! Think you can buck me over the water?
Granny Smith: I don't see why not! Come on, Big Mac, toss her this way!
Applejack: Granny, wait!
Granny Smith: Woo-hoo-hoo!
Apple Bloom and Granny Smith: [laughing]
Granny Smith: Uh, what were you sayin', dear?
Applejack: Granny, don't you think you should take it kinda easy?
Granny Smith: I've been takin' it easy for too long! And now, thanks to that Flim Flam Tonic, I don't have to!
[splash]
Apple Bloom: Granny, you think I could be an aquapony like you?
Granny Smith: Of course you can, sapling. There's nothin' to it but to do it!
Apple Bloom: Well, the Ponyville swim meet is comin' up. We could enter together! A legendary water pony like you? We'd be a cinch to win!
Granny Smith: Mm, ee, uh, I don't know... Bein' back in the water is one thing, but a competition is a pony of a different color.
Apple Bloom: Oh. Okay.
Applejack: I don't know, Granny. A swim meet sounds pretty safe. And after all, if that tonic lets you swim in a river and a swimmin' hole, a pool should be no problem at all.
Granny Smith: Well, I'll be a tart turnover, you are right! All we need now is more tonic!
[ponies chattering]
Flam: Welcome, friends, and step right up! The next show starts in five minutes!
Flim: But why not buy your tonic now and avoid the rush?
Flam: Right this way, good sir!
Granny Smith: We'll take the whole case!
[bits clinking]
"Jinx": Are you saying this stuff actually works?
Applejack: It seems to work for Granny.
Flim: You heard it here first, folks! Flim Flam Miracle Curative Tonic is Granny Smith-tested and Applejack-approved!
"Jinx": If Applejack says it works, that's good enough for me!
[ponies chattering excitedly]
[bits clinking]
[splash]
[ponies clapping and cheering]
[splashing]
Apple Bloom and Granny Smith: Hoo-ha, hee-hee, ha-hoo-ha!
Applejack: Just remember, you two. The most important thing is to be safe and have fun, right?
Granny Smith: Fiddlesticks! With the routine we've been workin' on, I'll be a plum puddin' if we don't win this thing!
Applejack: Uh... good luck, then!
Granny Smith: Luck? Pfft, who needs luck? We got tonic on our side!
Flam: Flim Flam's Magical Curative Tonic!
Flim: Get your Applejack-approved tonic! Granny Smith drinks it – why shouldn't you?
[ponies cheering]
Applejack: [sighs] Right.
Granny Smith: Now, if'n you'll excuse us, we got some swimmin' to do!
[splashing]
[ponies cheering]
Applejack: Well, I'll be...
[cameras clicking]
"Snappy Scoop": That was some of the most amazing aquabatics I've ever seen! How in Equestria did you do it? Hard work? Lots of practice? [clicks camera]
Granny Smith: Yeah, but mostly it's the tonic!
Flim: That's Flim Flam Miracle Curative Tonic, to be precise.
Flam: Buy it now while supplies last.
[ponies chattering]
Applejack: What are you doin' here?
Silver Shill: Oh, things are going so well, Flim and Flam gave me a promotion! Just made my first bit as a salespony. No more costumes for this pony. [beat] This is more of a uniform.
Applejack: If you say so.
Silver Shill: I used to wonder if I was doing the right thing. You know, pretending to be cured, basically lying to folks about this tonic. But thanks to you, I realized that sometimes honesty isn't the best policy.
Applejack: Thanks to... me?
Apple Bloom: With Flim Flam's magical Curative Tonic, my Granny can do anything! Just ask Applejack!
[cameras clicking]
Applejack: No! This has gotta stop! If ponies keep believin' that tonic can do things it can't, who knows what'll happen?
Silver Shill: Maybe something like that?
Applejack: [gasps] Granny! What in blazes does she think she's doin'?!
Apple Bloom: Granny's gonna break the Equestria high divin' record!
Applejack: Land sakes!
Granny Smith: [glugs]
Applejack: [catching breath] [gasps]
[whip cracking noises]
Granny Smith: [yelps] Now what in tarnation did you do that for?!
Applejack: That was the most fool-pony thing I've ever seen anypony do in all my life! You can't do a dive like that!
Granny Smith: Oh, quit your fussin'! I had enough tonic to do a dive ten times as high!
Flim: Twenty times, by my count.
Flam: Thirty, with a favorable breeze.
Granny Smith: [gulping]
[shimmering]
Applejack: I hate to disappoint everypony, but there's no way Granny could have made that dive, because this tonic is a fake!
[crowd gasps]
"Jinx": But you gave it your stamp of approval!
Rainbowshine: Are you saying you lied?
Applejack: ...I am.
[crowd gasps]
Applejack: I didn't mean to! But everypony seemed so much happier, I couldn't bring myself to tell you when I found out the tonic wasn't real. I know it was wrong. I just hope with time, I can win back everypony's trust.
Apple Bloom: But if the tonic is a fake, then how come Granny can swim again, and what about all that aquabatics stuff we just did?
Applejack: I reckon sometimes you can forget what you're capable of, and it just takes a little extra confidence to remember that it was inside of you all along. But tellin' ponies your tonic can do things it can't is just wrong!
Flim: But you just said it boosts confidence!
Flam: And that's not all it does, folks–
Silver Shill: Yes, it is! In fact, it's not a tonic at all! I know, 'cause I helped make it! Watching Applejack save Granny and then admit to lying, well, that made me realize I was making ponies believe in a thing that just wasn't so!
Applejack: Believin' in somethin' can help you do amazin' things. But if that belief is based on a lie, eventually it's gonna lead to real trouble.
Silver Shill: Thank you, Applejack. I got this through dishonest means. That was a mistake I won't be making again! I'd like you to have it, as a reminder of how you helped me finally see the truth.
Applejack: I don't know...
Silver Shill: Oh, don't worry. I'll track down the pony I sold that worthless tonic to and give him another bit to replace this one! Honest.
Applejack: I'm sorry, Granny. I hope this doesn't mean you'll stop swimmin'.
Granny Smith: Why in tarnation would I do that? I just can't believe those two salesponies had me believin' I could near fly! Hey, where'd they go?
Applejack: Bein' honest sure gets hard when it seems like the truth might hurt somepony you care about. But I think believin' a lie can end up hurtin' even more. Maybe some ponies don't care about that – but I sure ain't one of them. Now you take it easy there, Granny!
Granny Smith: Oh, I plan to! Hoo, ha, ha-whee!
[splash]
Apple Bloom: [laughing]
[shimmering]
[credits]