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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Krusty Koncessionaires" from Season 12, which aired on November 7, 2020.

Transcript

  • [The episode begins at The Low Tides concert. SpongeBob blows bubbles in the shape of the words "The Low Tides."]
  • Squidward: Wow, I never thought the Low Tides would come to a backwater town like Bikini Bottom.
  • SpongeBob: Squidward! I didn't know you like the Low Tides! [hugs Squidward]
  • [Squidward frowns and pushes SpongeBob away]
  • Squidward: Yeah, They're fine. But that Claire St. Claire is the real talent, they say his clarinet is so fancy it doesn't play any wrong notes!
  • Mr. Krabs: Alright, enough nonsense, listen up. This year the biggest concert to come to Bikini Bottom in decades. Smell that boys?
  • SpongeBob: You smell like corn chips, Mr. Krabs.
  • Squidward: I just smell the toilets.
  • [A man comes out of the bathroom with toilet paper in his butt.]
  • Grubby Grouper: Phew.
  • Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah. All that's in the air too. Along with the smell of money! The show is sold out, which means there's 30,000 fans in there. And you are going to sell a Krabby Patty to every single one of them!
  • SpongeBob: What a great way to make 30,000 new friends! Don't you think, Squidward? Don't you?
  • Squidward: [sarcastically] Oh great, and what are you going to do while we work all day?
  • Mr. Krabs: Glad you asked Mr. Squidward, I will be taking the toughest job of all, I'll be sneaking on stage to unfurl this here banner that I made meself. [as he reveals the banner] Da-da-da-daaa!
  • Squidward: [reading the banner] "The Krusty Krab Krabby Patties are Yummy, Please your Face tonight would be Great!" The worst advertisement I've ever seen.
  • Mr. Krabs: [hits the banner on the head of Squidward] What do you know about celebrity endorsements? Just get in there and sell Krabby patties! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
  • [Later, SpongeBob and Squidward are selling Krabby Patties]
  • SpongeBob: Oh boy! SpongeBob and Squidward, working side by side! Patty perfecters, the delicious duo!
  • Squidward: Backstage...Hmm... [Squidward imagines his life of luxury behind the backstage]
  • Squidward: No, SpongeBob. We would cover more ground if we split up. Why don't you sell to that half of the audience, and I'll take this half.
  • SpongeBob: Well, I was looking forward to spending the whole day with you.
  • Squidward: I know, I'm so disappointed.
  • SpongeBob: But that is a great idea, Squidward! I love how you always put the Krusty Krab's needs before your own.
  • Squidward: Yes, I do, don't I?
  • [Squidward enters backstage door]
  • SpongeBob: Krabby Patties! Get your fresh hot patties here!
  • Man: I'll take a Krabby Patty.
  • SpongeBob: Coming right up!
  • Man 2: Hey, Snack Boy! Krabby Patty me!
  • [SpongeBob throws the krabby patty on the man's head, leaves but is interrupted]
  • Man 2: Hey, can I get some mustard here?
  • Spongebob: Mustard for a knight
  • [SpongeBob squirts mustard that falls on people]
  • Man 2: Thanks, kiddo!
  • [All laughing]
  • People at Concert: Ooh! Ahh! Nyahh! Yaahh!
  • Mr. Krabs: Easy as taking money from a baby. [tries to climb up stage]
  • Guard: No fans on the stage! Get back to your seat. [chews on Mr, Krabs.] [spits him out] [throws him]
  • [In the Backstage, 2 mans with VIP signs pass]
  • Man 1: Oh, man. I still can't believe your uncle Fred was able to get us backstage passes.
  • Squidward: Now, I if can passes find Claire St. Claire! Oh, I'm sure he met a fellow godstick aficiado play his instrument [along the way, he encounters a guard who tries to beat him up.] Excuse me, Janitor, do you know where the green room is?
  • Stan: Depends, where's your backstage pass
  • Squidward: Oh...Ah...It's I
  • [Squidward gathers fans to distract him]
  • Squidward: He's from the Band!
  • [The fans grab Stan, and Squidward comes out]]
  • Squidward: Oh...This must be it...Ok...[Testing your voice] Claire St. Claire? It is I Squid-- Patrick?!
  • [Squidward finds Patrick's room]
  • Patrick: Sorry, I don't know anyone named SquidPatrick.
  • Squidward: That's right you idiot! What are you going here?
  • Patrick: This is my room. Did you not see the star on the door?
  • [Squidward knock on the door three times for Patrick to disappear]
  • Squidward: Where's the green room? I'm trying to find a band.
  • Patrick: I don't know. Hey! but my friend Stan does! Yo, Stan!
  • [Patrick calls Stan to come to him]
  • Stan: You...
  • Patrick: Hi Stan, could you show my friend where the green room is?
  • Stan: Don't worry, I'll take good care of him. press the Squidward
  • Squidward: Help... me...
  • Patrick: Bye, SquidPatrick! Have fun!
  • [SpongeBob keeps giving Krabby Patties to the crowd]
  • Fred: Hey! Where's my Patty?
  • [SpongeBob throws two Krabby Patty's in Fred's face]
  • SpongeBob: I'm a patty launching machine! [laughing]
  • Fred: Thank you, Patty boy.
  • Spongebob: It was nothing. Nothing! I'm outta patties! Well, I guess I just better make some more. [mumbling]
  • Man: Umm mm huh?
  • Spongebob: Fresh hot Krabby Patties here! Put a patty in your piehole! Huh?
  • [SpongeBob looks at the state of the people]
  • SpongeBob: Awww... Looks like I fed my entire section. [notes other people] Well, I guess Squidward wouldn't mind if I sell a few patties in his section.
  • [Back to stage, Mr. Krabs uses the stage curtain to get there]
  • Crowd: Woo hoo. Hee hee hoo [gasping]
  • [The curtain turns into a tie then the curtain turns upside down and Stan throws Mr. Krabs to the audience]
  • [Squidward comes out of a trash can with a yogurt can on his head]
  • Squidward: Blah! Who eats yogurt at a rock concert? Alright, where am I? [gasping] The stage! Oh, forget the green room. That's Claire St. Clare's clarinet! [stuttering]
  • Female Announcer: [through the microphone and speaker] Ladies and gentlefish, mollusks and fries. Here's the band you've all been waiting for. You know them, you love them, It's The Low Tides!
  • [crowd cheers and the curtains rise while Squidward tries to hide in the cello case as the band comes on stage. A blind cello player thinks Squidward is the cello and plays him as the band starts a song]
  • Squidward: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. [the crowd continues cheering and applauding]
  • Guitarist: I was a lonely, lonely lad. Solitary Soul Didn't have the rock, and I didn't know how to roll. Joined me a band, singing on a stage, They was swooning and a-screaming, and now I'm all the rage! Feeding Frenzy, everyone wants a piece of me. It's a feeding frenzy, I can't get me no privacy. How am I gonna shake 'em?
  • 2 People in the Audience: Is it really him?
  • Guitarist: The freaky fans found me. Man, they'll tear me limb from limb! They claw at my clothes, steal my shoes, Tear out my hair, I got nothing left to lose. Oh, it's a feeding frenzy, the kids can't get enough. Oh, it's a feeding frenzy, this rock-n-roll is getting rough!
  • Patrick: Buddy, could you put down your phone? [Patrick has a projector and microphone] You're blocking my shot! [SpongeBob looks through his telescope to see people eating Krabby Patties]
  • SpongeBob: Ah. Looks like everyone has a patty. [sees the Low Tides on stage] Everyone but the band! [can't get pass the crowd and gets an idea to go up the speakers] Aha! Must...sell...patties! [takes his Krabby patty Vacuum, presses the button to extreme but many patties shoot out of the vacuum but he manages to get on the speaker. Meanwhile, two people carry a chest with the sneaky Mr. Krabs inside]
  • Mr. Krabs: There's no stopping me this time. Here we go. A 1, a 2. [buzzer sounds] Huh? Hey! What's going on?! [a big inflatable pirate comes out of the chest with Mr. Krabs on it. Mr. Krabs then sees SpongeBob on the speaker]
  • SpongeBob: Special delivery for the Low Tides!
  • [SpongeBob shoots patties from the vacuum to the Low Tides and Squidward gets some patties into his mouth. Mr. Krabs accidently pops the inflatable and the band runs off the stage as one band member drags the blind cello player saying "Come on!". The inflatable pirate lands on Squidward and Mr. Krabs lifts up the banner]
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't forget! Brought to you by the Krusty Krab!
  • Man in crowd: [reading the banner that is crumbled up] "The Krusty Krab. A Krummy Place to Eat?" [not reading] I didn't know they were selling us crummy food.
  • Mr. Krabs: [sees the crumbled up banner and tries to fix it] Oh, come on! [chuckles nervously]
  • Man in crowd: Boo! Boo, I say! [the crowd throws patties at Mr. Krabs but mostly, on the wall]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hey, no, no, no! You don't understand! It's not crummy, it's yummy. [as the crowd continue to jeer and boo him, Mr. Krabs does the Peg Leg Waltz.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, that's a hot beat, Mr. Krabs. [plays his nose like a flute]
  • Man in crowd: That's pretty good.
  • Wobbles: Yeah, let's give em' a chance. [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs continue doing the Peg Leg Waltz, then Squidward comes out of the inflatable pirate, holding Claire St. Claire's clarinet.]
  • Squidward: [twirls Claire St. Claire's clarinet] Alright. Time for a little licorice stick. [inhales deeply]
  • Wobbles: Squidward's got a clarinet! Run! [The crowd runs out of the concert, just before Squidward plays wonderful music from Claire St. Claire's clarinet and SpongeBob and Krabs join in, and they finish doing the Peg Leg Waltz.]
  • Squidward: I can't believe it! This really is the greatest clarinet ever made! And you're the greatest audience I've ever--huh?[sees that the crowd is gone and is disappointed]
  • Claire St. Claire: [walks on stage with the Low Tides] Nice jam, baby.
  • Squidward: Felladation? Oh, thank you, Claire St. Claire! Oh, this is the best day of my life! I can die happy! [happily faints on the ground with a smile as his smiling soul leaves his body, meaning that Squidward had literally died happy]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh no, you don't! [grabs Squidward's soul and pushes it back in his body] You're working tonight and costing hand collect cash!
  • Squidward: [still happy] Well, still the best day of my life.
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