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Mike: Located at the dead center of main street it's Disney's House of Mouse. Ooh it’s a Houseketeer Halloween… so grab your garlic and get set for America’s Most Haunted. He’s Count Mickey Mouse.

Mickey: Velcome. Velcome, my children. Oh, boy! I love Halloween. Lots of haunted happenings around town. Why, Chernabog threw a big party. You know, it’s easy to get to his house. Just make a right turn on Bald Mountain.

Chernabog: It’s funny, because it’s true.

Mickey: Why, I even saw Hades. He was really painting the town dead.

Hades: I love that.

Hey, I also heard there’s a big shindig… over at the Elephant Graveyard. It’s B.Y.O.B. Bring your own bones. We've got lot's to show so please remain seated until your doom buggy comes to a complete halt. Mike: And don't forget the Banshee Shmancee Halloween costume contest. Donald: Costume contest? Oh boy that's for me. Panic: Hey what are you going to go as? Uh that's what I was going to wear. Pumbaa: Gee Timon I wanted to be the leader of the club. Timon: I'll tell ya what Pumbaa you can be the eater of the grub. Pumbaa: Yay. Daisy: Uh sorry Mr. Bunyan but you must be this short to enter what a clever costume boys. Donald: Mirror Mirror on the wall who has the best costume of them all? Mirror: Not you. Pete: Hey lookin I've got the best costume out of anyone I'm the invisible man see? Goofy: Does invisible mean standing there in your underwear? Pete: Make fun of my costume will you? I'll show them. Mickey: First up we have a silly scary symphony. Daisy: Don't make eye contact. Donald: Mirror mirror on the wall who has the best costume of all? Magic Mirror: Try again Donald. Donald: Oh you lousy good for nothing mirror. Mickey: Alrighty all you ghouls and goblins it's time for the surprise Halloween celebrity spotlight. Mike: Surprise Halloween celebrity spotlight yeah. Mickey: And tonight's unsuspecting celebrity is. Pumbaa: Oh pick me me. Mickey: The head honcho of Halloween himself Hades. You know he hasn't always been a big box baddie oh no he tried all kinds of roles before he was being cast as the underworld leader we all know and hate and we've got our hands on his blooper reel. Hades: What? nooooo. Director: Hades mission to stars take 1 and action. Mickey: Security investigate that dangerous noise from over there. Hades: Hey don't worry man I can deal with that whoa whoa that wasn't in the script. Director: Cut. Pilot episode of the Hades team take 1 and action. Mr. T: I pity the poor fool who's head is on fire. Director: Hades toothpaste commercial take 1 and action. Kid: Hey daddy I didn't get a cavity and I'm the star of the school play. Director: Cut cut. Hades: Look he was clearly going for his sword I hate this because that's too much I gotta blast something hey Pain and Panic can you get over here for a minute? Mirror: Try again. Pete: Who's the fairest of them all Magic Mirror? Mirror: Go away I'll break. Pete: Hey I'm sick of all these people making fun of my costume choices I'll show them a Halloween treat as in trick. Oooh perfecto beware of Hitchhiking strangers. Mickey: Now here's a cartoon you can really sink your fangs into.

Mickey: Hey Pluto you want to catch the paper?

Robot: K9 detected. Intiate the tests. Intiate transform. Negative. Negative. Wrong. Still wrong. Uh oh. Reject reject reject.

Mickey: What took you so long Pluto?

(Crowd applauding).

Pete: Alright you Grim Grinning Ghosties get out there and haunt this house. Mickey: Hey there you bags of bones it's time for the scariest part of the show the Banshee Shmancee Halloween costume contest. Huh what the hey what gives?

Hitchhiking Ghosts: When the crypt doors creak

And the tombstones quake Spooks come out for a swinging wake Happy haunts materialize And begin to vocalize Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize

Now don't close your eyes And don't try to hide Or a silly spook may sit by your side Shrouded in a daft disguise They pretend to terrorize Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize.

Mwahahahahahahahaha!

As the moon climbs high o'er dead oak tree Spooks arrive for the midnight spree Creepy creeps with eerie eyes Start to shriek and harmonize Grim grinning ghosts come out socialize

When you hear the knell of a requiem bell Weird glows gleam where spirits dwell Restless bones etherealize Rise as spooks of every size

Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize

Mwahahahahahahahaha! (Crowd applauding).

Mickey: And now a cartoon starring everyone's favorite ghoul Goofy.

The Cartoon begins with Goofy about to go outside his home.

Narrator: The following presentation… will demonstrate how to haunt the living. But before we begin, one must be Goofy goes outside and the sounds of a car crashing and Goofy screaming can be heard. Goofy then comes back in as a ghost. Narrator: not living.  

Goofy walks through the house, acting as if nothing's wrong Narrator: The fine specimen observed here is commonly known as a ghost. Goofy: A ghost? Goofy rushes off to hide. Goofy: Where? -Narrator: Why, you, my friend. -Goofy: Who me? Narrator: Yes, you have just joined the ranks of the supernatural. Goofy: Oh well that explains what all that racket was out there. Hey! I’m not ready to be dearly departed. Narrator: Don’t you worry. It’s only temporary. Just long enough for you to demonstrate How to haunt a house… Step one choose a house to haunt--

Goofy sticks his ghost hand through a Newspaper case trying to get out a Newspaper but can't get the Newspaper out. Finding the right house… is all about location, location, location. Goofy eventually comes out holding a Newspaper with his arm through the disembodied door to the case. Narrator: And what better place to look than is the classified ads? Goofy Removes the door and opens his Newspaper. Goofy: Hmm let’s see here. ‘‘Creaking hardwood floors…’’ ‘‘a real foggy-enshrouded’’ breakfast nook… ‘‘and an informal dying room.’’ Perfect! Oh, a-hauntin’ I will go A-hauntin’ I will go Hi, ho, the merry-o Goofy almost phases into the house but then pauses to take off his shoes and leave them at the door. Goofy: A-hauntin’ I will go Step two selecting a hauntee-- We are shown a Mystery Date  Gameshow-like setting in a darkened room with Mickey, Clarabelle and Donald sitting in the stools. Narrator: Hauntee number one is a likeable mouse… and popular American icon. Oh, gosh, I’m scared. Hauntee number two is a cow who’s a real moo-ver and shaker. I’m scared, too. And finally, hauntee number three… is a hot-headed duck who’s a real quack-up. Aw, phooey. Nothing scares me. I know who I’m going to pick on. Huh did somebody say something? Step three being creepy-- Nothing is quite creepier than the creaky front door… which opens all by itself. Here goes. Goofy intricately prepares to open the door as Donald approaches the house. He gently creaks the door open but Donald seems to be excited. Donald: Oh, automatic doors. How convenient. Having successfully creeped your intended hauntee out… you’re now ready for… Step four looking like a ghost-- With an ordinary bedsheet carefully draped over you… sneak about in a menacing manner. Hit my head! Continue this macabre dance of the dead… and watch as panic and terror wash over your victim. Goofy ends up climbing over the dresser, out of the window and screams loudly. He lands on a Lawn chair with the book in his hand, the lamp placed for ample reading and the stuffed bear seated adjacent, with a book landing in its arms,  making it look like he was reading with a friend, although the annoyed look on his face, before the sheet lands on him. Narrator: His method of haunting… is only made possible by the unique eyeholes… that have been cut in the sheet. Goofy: Eyeholes? Now you tell me. Narrator: Step five the dark--

The scene now goes to the bathroom, with Donald washing himself in the Bath Tub.Everyone is afraid of the dark. Use this knowledge to your haunting advantage. Goofy comes out of the sink and flips the switch, turning off the lights, but Donald claps his hands and turns them back on, then goes back to washing. Goofy turns off a lamp but Donald holds up a flashlight. Goofy turns off the flashlight but Donald puts on a Miner's helmet. Goofy turns off the miner's helmet and Donald just lights a candle. Goofy blows out the candle, Donald immediatley lights a match. Goofy puts out the match but then Donald snaps a glowstick and continues washing. Goofy comes out from under the plunger, again looking annoyed before he grabs Donald's glow stick. He then takes it to the toilet. Oh, this is getting silly. Step six things that go bump-- Peace and quiet. A ghost has a wide array of scary sounds… with which to frighten their unwitting victim. Goofy: *Removes his head* (moaning) BOOOOOO! *rattles chains ooohhhh! (Gargling) Ooohhhh! *Floats around without his legs* Oooohhhh!

Goofy's sounds do not seem to disturb Donald in the least. Goofy walks past banging cymbals, loudly and then walks with accordion shoes, then revs up a leaf blower across the room, then he pushes a stroller with a baby crying, and backs in a delivery truck but nothing seems to get Donald's attention, let alone, scare him.I just don’t understand it. How to sleep with your eyes wide open? Oh, come on. I’m tired of being a ghost. Hey, Donald, wake up. Donald rubbed his eyes and saw Goofy as a ghost. What? A ghost! But, Donald-- No! Get away! Sorry, Donald. I just wanted to tell you that I’m a ghost. And now you are, too. What? why, you little-- Now, now, settle down, Donald. It’s only temporary. That’s right. Just long enough for you to demonstrate How to end a cartoon… Begin at the end… by chasing each other into the distance… then scream comically. Followed by an iris out. (Crowd applauding).

Mirror: No no no now you're really starting to bug me.

Donald: Oh that's it I quit you lousy costume stupid mirror. Minnie is that you?

Minnie: Yep it's me oh I was just playing a Halloween trick actually I think your costume is really wonderful.

Donald: You do? Oh boy

Mickey: Well that's all the scariness we've got today.

Donald: Wait I want to win the contest.

Mickey: But but we didn't have the Costume contest Donald didn't you see the ghosts?

Donald: What? ghosts.

Mickey: Wow we'll have to have the costume contest next year don't miss it folks okay Mike take us outta here.

Mike: You got it Mickey Special ghosts at the House of Mouse are treated to: "A night on Bald Mountain" Featuring fine dining dancing and devilishly good fun. Warning mountain top might turn you into a giant demon.

Mickey: Ha seeya real soon.

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