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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Hooky" from season one, which aired on April 8, 2000.

Transcript

  • Narrator: Fishermen have quite an effect on our undersea friends. [shows fishermen in boats fishing near the Bikini Bottom atoll]
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, have you finished swabbing the deck?
  • SpongeBob: Almost. There's a nasty barnacle under table 9. [uses himself as a cleaning tool]
  • Mr. Krabs: They're back! They're back, I tell ya! I saw it with me own eyes! [everyone looks at Mr. Krabs like he's crazy] The hooks! The hooks!
  • Fred: How about a mint?
  • Mr. Krabs: The hooks! The hooks!
  • Tom: Can you make that to go?
  • Squidward: [gives Tom his food in a bag] You don't know how lucky you are.
  • Mr. Krabs: The hooks! So there I was, minding my own business...
  • Squidward: I'd love to hear another of your riveting sea tales, but, uhmmm... I have to do my waste basket inspection. [puts a trashcan on his head] Uh-huh, mmhmm, oh, yeah, there's one.
  • Mr. Krabs: Fine. Don't say I didn't warn ya!
  • SpongeBob: Warn him about what, Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: The hooks, me bucko! They're back. Beware the hooks!
  • SpongeBob: The hooks?
  • Mr. Krabs: Aye. [shapes his arm like a hook as SpongeBob looks at his arm] The hooks. [The camera shows SpongeBob's face with a reflection with Mr. Krabs' arm as a hook] They dangle down and draw you close with their pleasing shapes and their beguiling colors. And just when you think you found the land of milk and honey, they grab you by the britches... [grabs Scooter's pants and lifts high like he is giving him a wedgie. His drink decreases every time Mr. Krabs grabs his pants as he sips it] ...and haul you way up high! Then higher, AND HIGHER, AND HIGHER [he opens a hatch on the roof and points at the surface] until you're hauled up to the surface, flopping and gasping for breath! And then, they cook ya, and then, they eat ya... or worse!
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] What could be worse than that?!
  • Mr. Krabs: Gift shops. [shows gift shop and the inside of the gift shop]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps and hides under a box] Don't let 'em get me, Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: There, there, boy. They won't get ya. Not as long as you listen to ol' Mr. Krabs. Now get back to the kitchen! Time is money!
  • SpongeBob: Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs! [goes in the kitchen with the box on him]
  • Patrick: [pokes his head through one of the kitchen windows] Gooooood morning, Krusty Crew.
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
  • Patrick: Guess what? The carnival's in town. Come on, let's go!
  • SpongeBob: I can't leave now. I'm working.
  • Patrick: It's not leaving. You're just taking a break. [SpongeBob goes outside behind unseen] We're going to the carnival, we're going to the carni... [trips and falls on face] We're going to the carnival, we're going to the carnival! There it is, SpongeBob. The carnival is back in town! [many hooks are dangling] I'm gonna be first in line for everything!
  • SpongeBob: Where is everybody?
  • Patrick: I don't know. There was one kid here, earlier. [a pair of kids' sneakers lie on the ground nearby]
  • SpongeBob: Doesn't look like any carnival I ever... [bumps into a hook] Excuse me. [gasps as he sees the hook as the camera shows SpongeBob's face again with the reflection with a hook] Stop, Patrick! Don't touch it! This isn't the carnival, Patrick. Those are hooks! Mr. Krabs says they're really dangerous!
  • Patrick: [sits on a hook] Hmmm. I sense no danger here. How can they be dangerous? They're covered with free cheese.
  • SpongeBob: All I know is Mr. Krabs said-- Patrick, don't do that!
  • [Patrick is putting the cheese in his mouth]
  • Patrick: Cheesy. No danger here. Go on, try it! [the hook where Patrick ate the cheese from is pulled up]
  • SpongeBob: [faces another hook with cheese attached to it] But, Mr. Krabs said...
  • Patrick: SpongeBob, let me ask you something. [the hook that SpongeBob is facing is pulled up. Patrick is shown with 9 hooks in his mouth and still has 1 in his hand] Does this look dangerous?
  • SpongeBob: [screams] Patrick, don't!
  • Patrick: Lighten up, will ya? Or do I have to eat all this cheese by mysel... [hooks pulls him up]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] Patrick! Help! Oh, Patrick, help! Oh, Patrick, come back! Oh, my best friend! [Patrick floats down and SpongeBob runs into him as he hits the ground] Patrick, you're alive!
  • Patrick: Am I ever! You should try it.
  • SpongeBob: But...what about the surface, and your britches, and the gift shops?
  • Patrick: You just jump off before you go up too high.
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs said I shouldn't get near those things.
  • Patrick: Did he say you shouldn't climb on top of them and ride them like a horsey? [he jumps on a fish-like attachment on the hook]
  • SpongeBob: Well, no.
  • Patrick: Wheeee!
  • SpongeBob: I guess he didn't! [he jumps on the attachment with Patrick]
  • Patrick: Hi-yo, Silverfish! AWAYYYYYY!!!! [The hook pulls them up. We see a fisherman reeling in his fishing rod. We see SpongeBob and Patrick laughing out of enjoyment. The camera alternates between the fisherman and his partner to SpongeBob and Patrick. After a few cuts, SpongeBob and Patrick are about to jump off]
  • SpongeBob: Ready?
  • Patrick: Ready!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Geronimo!! [jump off]
  • SpongeBob: This is more fun than double overtime at the Krusty Krab! [On the surface, the fishermen are having a smoke break, disappointed at having lost their catch. Cut to the exterior at the Krusty Krab when customers are muttering angrily. We cut to see Ivy mad with Harold]
  • Ivy: P.U.! [points at his Krabby Patty] You call this food?!
  • Harold: My sandwich tastes like a fried boot!
  • Another Harold: [Starts holding up his fried boot] My sandwich is a fried boot!
  • Fred: Hurry it up, will ya?! We're hungry over here! Look at us! My kids haven't eaten and I'm dying! [customers muttering angrily... all talking at once; Squidward frantically flipping burnt patties] That's not how you're supposed to flip it!
  • Fish: Can you see, we're hungry! That's wrong!
  • Female Fish: I want a nice good meal!
  • Squidward: [defensive] WHY DO YOU WANNA EAT THIS STUFF ANYWAY?!?
  • Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, what the halibut is going on in here?
  • Squidward: It's a feeding frenzy, sir! And SpongeBob's not back from his break. [Mr. Krabs laughs] What?
  • Mr. Krabs: I thought you said SpongeBob was taking a break. No one's taken a break at the Krusty Krab since the Chum Famine of '59. [laughs] Now, what were you saying?
  • Squidward: He took a break.
  • Mr. Krabs: [stares in shocked silence, as his arms and nose fall off. He then storms out the front door] Alright, SpongeBob LAZY Pants! I'll find ya. This nose can smell laziness up to 10,000 leagues. [uses his nose to smell] Aha! I'll give you a break you'll not soon forget!
  • Squidward: But, Mr. Krabs, I still need help! [all the customers pick up Squidward like they are a mob]
  • Mr. Krabs: [uses his nose to smell again] They should be right here. [SpongeBob and Patrick float down as they are laughing]
  • Patrick: Again?
  • SpongeBob: Again!
  • Mr. Krabs: The hooks!! No! No! No!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [pulling on hook] 1, 2, 3!
  • Mr. Krabs : Wait! WAIT...!!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Blastoff!! [hook pulls them up as Mr. Krabs slams into a rock]
  • Mr. Krabs: Boys! I wasn't quick enough. They're gone! [sobs] If I can only hold them in me arms again, I'd...I'd... [SpongeBob and Patrick float back down while laughing] ...I'D THROTTLE 'EM! What did I tell you about those hooks, boy?!
  • SpongeBob: I...I...I...
  • Patrick: I'll tell you about the hooks. You ride 'em up, and up, and up. Then you gently flow down!
  • Mr. Krabs: And do you know what happens when you don't float back down!?!
  • SpongeBob: Gift shop?
  • Mr. Krabs: Worse! You end up vacuum-packed in a can of tuna! [shows a can of tuna] With nothing to look forward to but the smell of mayonnaise! [shows a jar of mayo while a female screams in the background]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: We're sorry, Mr. Krabs.
  • Mr. Krabs: I want you boys to promise me you'll never go on those hooks again.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [raises hands] We promise, Mr. Krabs.
  • Mr. Krabs: I need a sailor's promise! Repeat after me: yo-ho! Yo-ho! Near the hooks I'll never go!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Yo-ho. Yo-ho. Near the hooks we'll never go.
  • [a hook pokes Mr. Krabs in the butt]
  • Mr. Krabs: [leaps up, holding his injured rear] YOW! Mother of pearl! Fire on the poop deck!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahh! Mother of pearl! Fire on the poop deck! [they turn and rub their own behinds]
  • Mr. Krabs: Whoa, whew! Alright then. Let's get out of this death trap. [Cuts to the exterior of SpongeBob's house]
  • SpongeBob: Okay, Gary. Today is a new day. I'm ready to prove myself loyal to Mr. Krabs.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: I'M READY! [comes running out of the house] I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, ready, ready, I'm ready... [Patrick comes out from his rock]
  • Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, you're going the wrong way! [crashes into his furniture]
  • SpongeBob: I always go to work this way.
  • Patrick: You're not going to work today. We're going to go play "Hooky"!
  • SpongeBob: But, Patrick, we promised.
  • Patrick: Well, I had my fingers crossed.
  • SpongeBob: You don't have any fingers, Patrick.
  • Patrick: Well, that Mr. Krabs is just a big dummy. We played on those hooks all day long and nothing happened to us!
  • SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs said...
  • Patrick: Look, SpongeBob, are you gonna listen to a big dummy, or are you gonna listen to me?
  • SpongeBob: Umm...
  • Patrick: See ya later, SpongeBob. I'm gonna go have some fun. [Patrick goes up and down the hooks] Come on, SpongeBob! You know you want to!
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, I know I want to, but I promised Mr. Krabs I wouldn't go near another... [almost runs into a hook. Gasps] ...hook! [almost touches the hook but takes it back] Oh no. Mr. Krabs told me all about you. You are a liar. A deceiver. I'll never fall for your tricks again! Never! [goes back to hook] Is this seat taken? [hook takes him up, but when he comes down and turns around, it is shown that he is hooked at the pants] Whew! Glad I got that out of my system. [gasps] I'm hooked. And that means... [shows the tuna can with SpongeBob crammed inside] AAAAAHHH!!! HELP!! I'M HOOKED! Help! Mr. Krabs! Help! It happened! I'm hooked! Oh, no! The hook! The hook! Gift shop, tuna can, mayonnaise!
  • Mr. Krabs: Here you go, Pearl. Free water for all your little friends.
  • Pearl: Thanks, dad.
  • Mr. Krabs: Just don't forget to leave a tip for ol' Mr. Krabs.
  • SpongeBob: Psst, Mr. Krabs.
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! You're two minutes late. What kept you, laddie?
  • SpongeBob: Um, you know those hooks we were talking about yesterday?
  • Mr. Krabs: Didn't I tell you not to go near those hooks?
  • SpongeBob: Umm...no. [hook pulls him a little closer] I mean yes! Yes, you told me not to go near them!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, you weren't playing on those hooks, were you, laddie?
  • SpongeBob: Of course not. [hook pulls him a little closer] I mean, not exactly. [hook pulls him a little closer] I mean yes! YES I DID IT! I admit it! [cries] Oh, Mr. Krabs! I'm so ashamed! I mean, look at me. [shows the hook to Mr. Krabs] I'm hooked!
  • Mr. Krabs: Hmmm, it's in there pretty deep.
  • SpongeBob: What am I gonna do?
  • Mr. Krabs: There's only one thing to do, boy. [group of girls laugh. SpongeBob looks at his pants]
  • SpongeBob: Oh no, Mr. Krabs. I can't take off my pants. Not in front of all these girls! [hook pulls him closer] D’oh, okay! I'm taking 'em off. I'm taking 'em off. [takes pants off] There.
  • Mr. Krabs: Uhh... lad?
  • SpongeBob: [screams, after noticing the hook caught in his underwear] Oh no. Oh no, no, no, Mr. Krabs! I can't do it. Anything but that!
  • Mr. Krabs: I understand. You were a good little fry cook, SpongeBob. [he places a "Help Wanted" sign on the door] But, we'll find another. Hopefully one that will listen to ol' Mr. Krabs.
  • SpongeBob: [hook pulls him a little closer] Oh, Mr. Krabs! I'll listen! I promise! [He holds on to a flower but the hook pulls him away. He holds on to the Krusty Krab signpost] Please save me, Mr. Krabs! [cries] I promise I'll be good! [underwear tears off] Whew! [the signpost flings him into the door naked, which makes the girls laugh]
  • Pearl: Oooh, look! It's SpongeBob NUDIE Pants! [SpongeBob screams and runs]
  • Squidward: [holding a fishing rod with SpongeBob's underwear on the hook] Well, that was more of SpongeBob than I needed to see.
  • Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, that was some fine angling. Do you think the lad has learned his lesson?
  • Squidward: Oh, I think he'll remember this for a long time. I know I will. [both laugh. Shows SpongeBob running back to his house]
  • SpongeBob: The pants! The underwear! [cries]
  • Patrick: [bus drops off a can of tuna] Hellllo? Does somebody have a can opener?
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