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  • [The episode begins at SpongeBob's house where a large crowd of people is gathered to watch SpongeBob perform his latest stunt: To become the first sponge to high dive up to the surface.]
  • Perch Perkins: Perch Perkins here for Bikini Bottom News. Today, SpongeBob SquarePants will attempt the impossible: a high-sea dive from that diving board! [points to the diving board on the side of SpongeBob's house] He'll be the first sponge ever to dive up through the ocean.
  • [Inside the house, Gary is spreading lard all over SpongeBob's body.]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Did you hear what Perch said, Gary? The first sponge!
  • [SpongeBob imagines a statue of himself being built in his honor. Monroe Timmy walks up and stares in awe at the statue.]
  • Monroe Timmy: Whoa.
  • SpongeBob Statue: [comes to life] Pretty cool, huh, kid? [winks]
  • [Monroe Timmy screams and runs away. The daydream ends. SpongeBob sucks the little buoy in his lard-covered body.]
  • SpongeBob: Okay, Gary, that's enough lard. I gotta warm up.
  • [SpongeBob slides over to the barbells. He goes to lift it up, but his arms keep slipping off. He ties his arms on the barbell and proceeds to lift it up. The weight of the barbell causes SpongeBob to fall over and it falls off his arms. The barbell is sent flying and crashing through the wall.]
  • SpongeBob: That's good. I'm all warmed up.
  • [Mr. Krabs is outside selling SpongeBob-themed products.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Get your SpongeBob standees here! Buy one and take home a hero! [holds a standee up for Nat Peterson] Here you are, [hits Nat with the standee] here! [hits him again] Here!
  • Patrick: [walks up and sees a standee of SpongeBob] Hey, SpongeBob. What's new? [silence; Patrick gets mad] Oh, so that's how it is, huh? The silent treatment. Well, two can play at that game, mister! [huffs and pouts]
  • Bubble Bass: Excuse me. How much for this stupid starfish standee?
  • Mr. Krabs: Hmm? Hmm. [giggles as makes a greedy face] 20 bucks?
  • Bubble Bass: [grunts as he pulls Patrick's left arm off] But it's damaged.
  • Mr. Krabs: 10 bucks? [giggles]
  • Bubble Bass: [holds up money] Sold!
  • [Bubble Bass gives Mr. Krabs the money. Mr. Krabs' eyelids eats the money and he burps out a receipt from his mouth. The crowd continues to chatter as they wait for SpongeBob to perform his stunt.]
  • SpongeBob: [pops out from the window] Hi-uh! [sticks himself on the diving board, but he's upside down; he pulls out his little buoy from his head]
  • Perch Perkins: And here's our hero now with the flag he will plant on the surface.
  • [The crowd cheers.]
  • SpongeBob: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! [goes to the end of the diving board as drumroll is being played; he attempts to perform his stunt, but since he was upside-down, he falls to the ground] Ahh! Ooh.
  • [The crowd groans and leaves in disappointment.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Get your SpongeBob standees right here. Buy one and take home a loser. [chortles]
  • SpongeBob: [gets up] I just don't understand it. Surface divers go down. Why didn't I go up?
  • Sandy: Well, back in Texas, Olympic divers have gravity to help them go down. What you need is anti-gravity to go up.
  • SpongeBob: Anti-gravity? Yes! [pops lightbulbs out from his body] Yah! [sucks the lightbulbs in his body and giggles]
  • [SpongeBob runs back in his house. Then he comes back out on the diving board with balloons tied around his waist.]
  • Squidward: [picks up trash around his house] Hmph. Stupid messy moron rubbernecking flounders and so on...
  • [SpongeBob goes to perform his stunt and successfully dives off the diving board. The balloons help him float in the air while Squidward continues grumbling as he picks up the trash.]
  • SpongeBob: I'm doing it! I'm doing it!
  • [SpongeBob floats into a swarm of jellyfish. Jellyfish fly around him as he continues floating to the surface. They make a stairway for him and SpongeBob climbs higher and higher.]
  • SpongeBob: I'm the first high-sea-diving sponge. [pulls out the little buoy from his nose]
  • [But just when he was about to reach the surface, a pile of garbage blocks everything. The balloons pop and SpongeBob holds onto a rope.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, what happened to the surface?
  • [The screen zooms up to Bikini Atol where the garbage reveals itself as the Great Pacific garbage patch, floating on the surface and eventually causing water pollution.]
  • SpongeBob: Hmm. Huh? [attaches himself to the garbage with the suction cups] Aw, gee, and I was so close. [kicks a bolt and it falls upward] Hmm? What is this place? [puts his little buoy in his head]
  • [SpongeBob searches around the trash. He climbs on an old television and slides down.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh!
  • [SpongeBob climbs on an old telephone receiver and it falls upward. He puts on a bowtie.]
  • SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
  • [SpongeBob strums on the giant comb like a harp. He giggles and the comb falls upward. SpongeBob climbs on another pile of trash.]
  • SpongeBob: This place is trash-tastic! [pounds on his chest and does a Tarzan-like yell; suddenly, someone throws a large key in SpongeBob's face.] Ow! [dodges an incoming pen] Oh, hey now! Whoa-whoa-whoa-oh-oh! [bumps into a giant car pump and it falls upward]
  • [Meanwhile, down on the ground, several townspeople began seeing stuff descending down from the Great Pacific garbage patch from above.]
  • Dave: What's that?
  • [The giant comb floats down.]
  • Evelyn: I don't know.
  • [The comb lands in front of a farmer.]
  • Farmer: Hmm. [grunts as he picks up the comb]
  • [The farmer places the comb on the back of the tractor. He climbs in the tractor and drives it. The comb is being used as a chisel plough and plants begin to sprout.]
  • Thaddeus: It's a gift!
  • Evelyn: From the sky?
  • Dave: From Neptune!
  • [A group of boy scout campers are setting up a tent.]
  • Boy Scout Campers: Yay! [the tent falls apart] Aww.
  • [A pen floats down to them.]
  • Boy Scout Campers: [gasps and fixes the tent with a pen] Thank you, Neptune!
  • [A recently married couple enter through a gate and are about to live in their dream home. But unfortunately, there was no home for them to live in.]
  • Groom: I'm sorry, honey. I couldn't afford the whole house. Just the door!
  • [Just then, the giant car pump falls in place where the door is.]
  • Groom: Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Look at that!
  • Bride: Now there's room for my mother!
  • Groom: Whaa?
  • [The screen pans out and reveals really tall mother with her packages.]
  • Bride's Mother: Ehh...
  • [Meanwhile, back up in the Great Pacific garbage patch, SpongeBob is still wandering around.]
  • SpongeBob: Hmm? I thought I saw something over—[gets hit by a giant plastic spoon] Ow! [sees a shadowy figure] Hello? Who are you?
  • [The mysterious figure comes out and reveals himself to be none other than Old Man Jenkins.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: I'm King Neptune! Feel my power! [throws a paperclip at SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Ow! Old Man Jenkins? [pulls the paperclip off his face]
  • Old Man Jenkins: I'm not Old Man Jenkins anymore! I'm King Neptune! Take that! [throws a bottle cap at SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: [whimpers as he dodges the bottle cap] Huh? All right, I'll play along. Hey, King Neptune! I'm Poseidon! [laughs and throws a giant sandal at Old Man Jenkins]
  • Old Man Jenkins: [dodges sandal] Oh!
  • [Old Man Jenkins grabs a giant eraser and throws it at SpongeBob. The two of them get into a trash fight and the thrown trash are being floated down to Bikini Bottom from above. A butter knife floats down to a local business man.]
  • Business Man: Hmm? Neptune is blessing us with gifts and treasures! [changes into his bathing suit] Surf's up, dude!
  • [Debbie and Nat are driving in a boat. Suddenly, a giant vacuum cleaner crashes down onto their boat. They both giggle and hop onto the vacuum. They drive the vacuum all over Bikini Bottom.]
  • Nat Peterson: Oh, yeah! All right! Ho-ho!
  • [A group of people gather around and a little girl is holding a bunch of balloons.]
  • Little Girl #1: You say your desire into the balloon, blow it up, and send it to Neptune. [whispers] A slice of pizza. [blows a balloon and lets it float to the surface]
  • Cara: [stretches balloon and speaks into it] A never-ending roll of toilet paper. [blows a balloon and lets it float to the surface]
  • Little Girl #2: [stretches balloon and speaks into it] A million grandmas. [blows a balloon and lets it float to the surface]
  • [Sooner or later, many balloons are floating upward to the surface. Meanwhile, back up in the Great Pacific garbage patch, SpongeBob and Old Man Jenkins grow tired from their garbage fight. Old Man Jenkins walks up to SpongeBob and looks at him closely.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: You're not Poseidon. You're SpongeBob SquarePants.
  • SpongeBob: [holds up a mirror] And you're Old Man Jenkins!
  • Old Man Jenkins: I was Old Man Jenkins 'til I came here. It was a year ago today...
  • [A flashback is shown with Old Man Jenkins celebrating his birthday with some elderly friends at Shady Shoals Rest Home.]
  • Senior Citizens: ♪Happy birthday to you♪
  • [One of Old Man Jenkins' friends gives him a bunch of balloons.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: Oh, thank you, dea— [begins to float away with the balloons] Hello? Some help, please?
  • Senior Citizens: [grumble and head back into the rest home] So now I gotta go back? I came all the way over here.
  • Old Man Jenkins: Hey—hey, come back here! Come back, now!
  • [The flashback ends. Just then, a yellow balloon appears and pops next to SpongeBob and Old Man Jenkins, surprising them.]
  • Voice #1: Neptune, I want a mustache.
  • [Another balloon appears and pops.]
  • Voice #2: Neptune, I want a cool voice.
  • [Another balloon appears. SpongeBob catches the balloon and pops.]
  • Patrick: [voiceover] Neptune, I want another balloon.
  • [Another balloon appears and pops.]
  • Patrick: [voiceover] Now!
  • Old Man Jenkins: My subjects! I must get down to help them.
  • SpongeBob: Well, we could build a ladder out of this stuff and climb down—ooh, uh, down?
  • Old Man Jenkins: What are you, senile?
  • SpongeBob: Uh-uh. I'm juvenile! [laughs]
  • [SpongeBob begins to grab several trash and stacks them up one by one in order to make a ladder to climb back down. Meanwhile, back down on the ground, the townsfolk are starting to get worried.]
  • Citizen #1: Hey, what happened?
  • Citizen #2: What's going on here?
  • Harold: Why isn't Neptune sending us more gifts down for us?
  • Debbie Rechid: We must have upset him.
  • Harold: You must have upset him! [the townsfolk strap Debbie to a death table and is prepared to be killed] This is for you, Neptune! Oohh— [prepares to kill her until...]
  • Debbie Rechid: Wait! Look!
  • [SpongeBob's ladder made out of the garbage descends downward. The crowd gasps and murmurs in amazement.]
  • Citizen #3: Oh, it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
  • Citizen #4: What is it?
  • Debbie Rechid: What do you think it is?
  • Harold: It's a ladder from Neptune! Let's climb up and get more free stuff!
  • Debbie Rechid: Me first! [buffs up her muscles and breaks free]
  • [Debbie runs up to the trash ladder and begins to climb it. Then several other townsfolk join in and follow her up the trash ladder. SpongeBob grabs an old soup can and finishes the ladder. The surface is now sparkly clean from the garbage patch.]
  • SpongeBob: Phew! It took every piece of the island to make this ladder. Ooh? Hey! Look at that! [pulls the little buoy out of his head and sticks it to the surface] I'm the first sponge to ever do that!
  • Old Man Jenkins: Big whoop.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, yes! It's the biggest whoop! Let's go home!
  • [SpongeBob and Old Man Jenkins begin to climb down to the ocean floor. Suddenly, the ladder starts shaking.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: Stop shaking the ladder!
  • SpongeBob: I'm not shaking it!
  • [Down below the ladder, the townsfolk continue to climb up until they see SpongeBob and Old Man Jenkins above.]
  • Debbie Rechid: I think I see him! It's Neptune!
  • Fred: Oh, Neptune!
  • Citizens: Neptune! Out of my way!
  • [The townsfolk climb upward but suddenly stop.]
  • Debbie Rechid: Wait a minute. [sees Old Man Jenkins climbing down] It's Old Man Jenkins!
  • Nat Peterson: Old Man Jenkins is Neptune?
  • Dale: All hail Old Man Jenkins!
  • Old Man Jenkins: Get off my trash, you idiots!
  • Dale: Praise Neptune! We're all idiots for you!
  • Citizens: We're all idiots! We're all idiots!
  • [The townsfolk's cheering causes the ladder to shake, knocking over SpongeBob.]
  • SpongeBob: Ooh-whaa! [clings onto another box]
  • Debbie Rechid: Hey, it's SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Everybody climb back down! There's nothing up there! [climbs down to the townsfolk] I dove up and found Old Man Jenkins living among all these objects.
  • Debbie Rechid: Then it was you that sent these treasures down!
  • Nat Peterson: Hooray for SpongeBob! He's our hero!
  • [The townsfolk cheer. But their cheering shakes the ladder even more.]
  • SpongeBob: No! Ahh! Ohh—ow!
  • [The ladder crumbles and all of the trash as well as SpongeBob, Old Man Jenkins, and the townsfolk are sent crashing down to Bikini Bottom. The city is now a complete mess with trash.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: [pops out from the trash, grabs a bottle cap and a fork, and stands on Nat Peterson's head] I'm King Neptune! King of the seven seas, the lakes, rivers, puddles...[spits saliva into a spittoon] And spit too! I'm the king of spit!
  • King Neptune: So you're the king of spit?
  • [Thunder roars]
  • Old Man Jenkins: Uh-oh.
  • [Out from the clouds, the real King Neptune appears on his chariot and he's not very happy.]
  • King Neptune: "Uh-oh" is right.
  • [Nat Peterson, upon seeing the real King Neptune, whimpers in fear. He grabs a suitcase and runs away. King Neptune ignites his trident and zaps Old Man Jenkins, burning him to a crisp.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: I smell like toast. Am I breakfast? [bites off his hand] Needs jelly.
  • [Mr. Krabs comes by and notices the pile of trash. He also notices SpongeBob's hands sticking out from underneath.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hmm? [pulls out a mortally wounded SpongeBob] Ooh, well, look at that. Someone threw away a good SpongeBob standee. [laughs and throws SpongeBob in his truck-load of SpongeBob-standees] Yagh! [closes the trunk] Oof! [climbs in the truck] Ugh.
  • [Mr. Krabs drives away with his truck, carrying SpongeBob and the standees inside.]
  • SpongeBob: They called me a hero.