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Follow That Monkey!
Curious George
[first lines, as the music begins "Upside Down" by Jack Johnson playing, then looking at the bubbles, then swimming underwater, with the hippos, then the bird flies at the nest, with George falling down on the vine, then opening the eggs, with the crocodile, then grabbing the crocodile, then roaring at George, then blowing the grass, tooting, then the lions blow grass, then blowing a grass at the lion, then roaring at George, then blowing a grass while changing color, then bringing a hippo, flamingo, crocodile, zebra, lion cub, then they all run around, with the chameleon mix up color, then putting a chameleon up, then swinging on vines with the butterfly, then on the branch, then the red berry lands on George's head, showing the handprints, then putting handprints, then trumpeting at George, then they all laugh, then painting on the elephant, then they all laugh, then the big elephant appears, then the animals walk away, then trumpeting at George, looking at the face of the back of the elephant, then grabbing the elephant, then shaking the leaves, then grabbing the leaves, with the leaf falling on George, sleeping at the evening sky, then cut to the city]
Ted: Now, as I was saying, life was a constant struggle for survival. Australopithecus had no time to enjoy himself, because around every corner was danger! [he puts his head back on]
Kid 1: Way to go.
Kid 2: Oh, good one. [he sighs]
Ted: It wasn't until an amazing discovery that man was able to take time and enjoy life. And why was that? What made Ogg and Grogg's life so much better?
Kid 3: A video game?
Ted: No.
Kid 4: The Internet?
Ted: No.
Kid 5: A rocket sled?
Kid 6: A mountain of chocolate?
Kid 7: Star stickers?
Ted: No, look, it wasn't a real question. That's right. [lights the fire] Fire!
[the boy drinks the juice box]
Ted: Whoa, huh? Look at that. Impressive, huh?
Kid 8: [to Maggie] Miss Dunlop, why do we have to come to this boring museum every single week?
Maggie: It's not boring. It's very interesting.
Ted: This led to hot dinners. Eventually became the microwave.
Kid 9: Three, two, one.
Ted: [the fire burns Ted's fingers] Ow.
Maggie: Oh, oh, no.
Ted: [the fire burns the paper] Ow. Ooh. [pounding on the ground with the paper] Hot! Fire's hot.
Kid 10: That's what you get.
Ted: Yes, where was I?
Kid 11: Hey, is that a real spear?
Kid 12: Can we play with it?
Ted: Kids, a museum is a place where we observe. We don't play.
Kid 13: This stinks.
Kid 14: What else can we do?
Maggie: Children, be polite.
Kid 15: Lunchtime!
Kid 16: Yeah, lunch!
[the kids go to lunch]
Ted: Lunchtime? It's only 9:00 a.m.
Maggie: [to the children] Buddy system. Stay with your buddies!
Ted: Huh?
Maggie: Oh, well, each kid has a buddy so they can all keep track of each other. Everyone needs a partner, right?
Ted: Oh, yeah. I'm not following.
Maggie: Um, well...
Ted: Hmm. Lungfish!
Maggie: Oh, excuse me?
Ted: Next Thursday, I'm going to talk to your class about the lungfish, the closest living relative of the tetrapods. It's pretty great.
Maggie: I look foward to hearing it. You know I looked to all your Thursday lectures. [grabbing a part] I wish today was Thursday.
[the parts crash, then they both set it back up]
Maggie: I mean, I know that it's Thursday...
Ted: Don't worry. It's not a big deal.
Maggie: I wish it was. Here. [takes a part to Ted] I should go catch up to my lungfish... I mean, class. Way to go, Maggie. Way to go.
Ted: I'll see you next week, Ms. Dunlop.
Maggie: [she leaves] Oh, how embarrassing.
[Ted puts the part back on]
Bloomsberry: Ted...
Ted: Mr. Bloomsberry.
Bloomsberry: Walk with me, Ted. I'm afraid that Ogg and Groog, all of our friends here, they're just not bringing in the crowds like they used to.
Ted: What do you mean?
Bloomsberry: It breaks my heart, but I have to sell the museum. We're broke.
Ted: Broke? Mr. Bloomsberry, the museum can't close.
Bloomsberry: I have no choice, Ted. Museum attendance is down. No one is buying anything from the gift shop.
Ted: Even the glow-in-the-dark star stickers?
Bloomsberry: Even the glow-in-the-dark star stickers. [continues putting out the fire]
Ted: Oh, man, I love those. I especially love the Milky Way. Wait. What'll happen to the museum?
Junior: Well, I'm glad you asked.
Bloomsberry: Junior?
Junior: It will be torn down and a parking lot put in its place, with high hourly rates and no daily maximums. Ka-ching!
Ted: The world doesn't need another parking lot. The world needs a place where kids' brains can grow.
Junior: Exactly. That's why I'm thinking they can grow trying to count all the spaces in the new parking lot. Come on, how fun is that?
Ted: He's not serious, is he?
Bloomsberry: Well...
Junior: It's time, Father. We're not going to get a better offer.
Bloomsberry: I know. I know.
Ted: [puts his hand on the paper] Wait! What if we did something? What if we got an amazing new exhibit?
Junior: [putting the cup down] You know, Ted, you need to worry about finding an amazing new job.
Bloomsberry: Well, hold on, Junior.
Junior: [dumping the cup] But I was just trying... oh, great.
Bloomsberry: Ted, if you have an idea, now is the time to speak up. What exhibit?
Ted: Yes, what exhibit? Uh, it's the famous...
Junior: Yes? Uh-huh.
Ted: ...and rare, of course.
Bloomsberry: Yes! Yes!
Ted: The incredible...
Bloomsberry: Come on.
Junior: Spit it out.
Bloomsberry: Don't be shy, Ted, come on.
Ted: What about the Lost Shrine of Zagawa?
Bloomsberry: My goodness!
Junior: I'm sorry, the Lost... You lost me at the lost.
Bloomsberry: It's an ancient idol. 20 tons of granite carved by 1,000 craftsman over 100 years. [looking at a book] I had all the charts ready. I was all set to go to Africa, when something happened. Slips my mind. Hmm.
Junior: [pours in the cup] Hello? How about the birth of your only son? That would be me.
Bloomsberry: Yes. Then I began another adventure, raising Junior.
Ted: [grabbing a hat to Bloomsberry] Well, now that that's done, you can finally finish what you've started, which is bringing home...
Bloomsberry: The Lost Shrine of Zagawa.
Ted: You'll put this museum on the map.
Bloomsberry: I'll need a team of 10 men.
Ted: Oh, at least 10.
Bloomsberry: It's a four-day hike into the jungle.
Ted: You go, girl! I mean, sir. [puts the book on the desk]
Bloomsberry: We'll be cutting through heavy brush for 12 hours a day.
Ted: Look out, here comes the Bloomsberry Express.
Bloomsberry: Yes. Yes.
Ted: Next stop, archaeological fame and fortune!
Bloomsberry: I'm going to discover the Lost Shrine of Zagawa!
Ted: My cars!
Bloomsberry: [continues spinning with the sword] Little help here!
Junior: Hey, watch it!
[Bloomsberry falls to the ground, with the sword at the shelf, then gasping]
Bloomsberry: I forgot something. I am really, really old.
Junior: Can I have the Bloomsberry Express pull into the reality station? And sign here, initial here... No, not there.
Ted: Wait! I guess I could go. [he gasps while he puts the hand on his mouth] Did I just say that? I can't do that. I don't even ride the bus. Maybe they didn't hear me. I'm sorry, sir, you were saying?
Bloomsberry: Excellent idea, Ted.
Ted: [gasping] He did hear me.
Junior: Him? You've got to be kidding me. Ted is not an explorer.
Ted: He raises a good point.
Junior: Ow!
Bloomsberry: Nonsense. With my maps and my journals, a six-year-old could find the shrine. [puts the hat on Ted]
Ted: Thank you, I think.
Bloomsberry: Come on. Let's get you ready for your big adventure. Now, Ted, the journal won't take you right to the idol.
Ted: It won't?
Bloomsberry: No. You have to use your instincts.
Ted: About that, sir, I don't have any.
Bloomsberry: Don't be silly, it'll be fun.
[cut to the pictures of Junior, Ted and Bloomsberry]
Junior: [looking at a book] Sorry, Ted. [rips his book page] But that's as close as your ever going to get to the precious Lost Shrine od Zagawa-wa-wa. Why does my father like you best? It's not fair. I've got the ponytail. [groans weakly while throwing the paper into the fire, burning]
[cut to Ted, looking at the man]
Ted: Okay, Ted. The trick is to look like you know what you're doing. Now, where's the door?
Manager: [looking at a shirt] Yellow. Six dozen yellow suits? Tony, what, are you goofy? We can't sell these things.
Salesman: Hey, me goofy? Forget about it. Big guys says move 'em, we move 'em.
Manager: Oh, yeah, sure. But what kind of meatball would buy these?
Ted: [he arrives] Uh, excuse me, uh, I'm here to be professionally outfitted for a jungle expedition.
Manager: Showtime. [with Australian accent] G'day, mate! You've stepped in the right place. Isn't that right, Nigel?
Salesman: I'll say it is, Steve-o. Finally, a real adventurer to suit up.
Manager: [to Ted] So, do you like the color yellow?
Ted: Yellow?
Salesman: Yeah, what are you, goofy? Yellow's the new khaki. [he hits the Salesman] Oof! Uh, mate.
Ted: Really? Well, okay.
[they all laugh]
Man: You've gotta be kiddin'. Look at the getup! Look at the six-foot banana.
Ted: "The new khaki." Thank you! Thank you very much! I look like an idiot!
[cut to the book of the map, showing a boat going to Africa, by leading a group, with Ted looking at a book]
Ted: Uh, Edu...
Edu: Yes, sir.
Ted: Don't worry the other men, but we're hopelessly lost.
Edu: Sir, your book is upside down.
Ted: Oh, good catch. Carry on.
Edu: Thank you, sir.
Man 1: Wow. What is it?
Man 2: Look at this.
Man 3: It's beautiful.
Edu: Look at the color.
Ted: Edu, do you see this?
Edu: Yes, it's...
Ted: Exciting. We are so close.
[Edu groans, then cut to George with the banana]
Ted: Edu...
Edu: Mr. Ted?
Ted: It says here Zagawa means enlightenment.
Edu: I know, sir. I live here.
Ted: Oh, right. Did you know that statue we're looking for is a giant monkey?
Edu: Yes, sir, I live here.
Ted: Right again. Oh, a rhino!
Edu: Sir...
Ted: Stand aside, men. This is a tranquilizer gun.
Edu: Mr. Ted...
Ted: I'm just going to put him to sleep.
Edu: That's not a rhino...
[the gun fires at the rock, and the leg]
Edu: Ow! Nice shot, Mr. Ted. [falls to the ground, snoring while sleeping]
Ted: Oops. Okay. Uh, let's break for lunch for the next four to six hours, or longer, depending on how much he weighs. [puts a bread on top of the sandwich] I should probably make a sandwich for Edu. He'll have quite an appetite and a headache when he wakes up. [eats a sandwich] Mmm, this is really good.
[George grabs the yellow hat, then chewing on the top of the hat]
Ted: Hey! Oh, a monkey. Hey there, little guy. Um, can I have my hat, please? I kind of need my hat. The sun's hot and I freckle. Not the good kind, either. I blotch. So, please, my hat? Uh huh. That's the one all right.
[George flies down to the ground with the hat]
Ted: Hmm... Hello, anybody in there? [opening the hat] Peek-a-boo. [opening the hat] Peek-a-boo. [continues opening and closing the hat] Peek-a-boo-a-boo-a-boo. Well, look at that. A monkey who likes to play peek-a-boo. [rubs George] Hey, this was fun, my little friend. But sorry. I've got to go. I wonder if Edu is up yet.
[George tickles Ted, then grabbing the hat]
Ted: Hey! Come back here.
[George runs to the tree]
Ted: [groaning, then running around to get the hat] You can run, but you can't hide. I'll catch up. I'm unstoppable. Uh-huh. That's right. I can run all night. [George looks at Ted, running] All day and all night. There's nothing that can stop... [breaks a leg] Cramp! Ow, cramp. Cramp can stop me. Why the cramp? Extra bad cramp too. Ow! What? What now?
[George looks at Ted, then getting up]
Ted: Okay, I have an idea. We'll trade. Sandwich for the hat. On three. One, two, three!
[they both push back and forth]
Ted: Okay. We're not really making any progress here. [puts the sandwich on the head] Okay. Aha! Oh, yeah. [looking at George with the hat, then taking the sandwich off the head, then grabbing the hat, then putting back on, then grabbing the sandwich to George, then putting on the head, giggling] 191, 192, 193, 194... [looking at George] Not now, monkey. [continues counting] 196, 197, 190-monkey 199, 200! Okay, look for two mufuti bushes and you will find "X."
Edu: There, sir. Mufutis. Good eye, Edu! [takes the binoculars] Here, hold this.
[George uses his hands like a binoculars, then Ted uses the binoculars with the men opening the bushes, revealing the idol]
Ted: There it is. It's awesome! It's spectacular. It's... [the idol falls to the ground] ...gone? [looks at an idol] What? This can't be it!
Edu: Did you find it, sir?
Ted: It's supposed to be huge. That isn't huge, okay? That's the opposite of huge. I need the giant monkey.
Edu: Who knew it was actual size?
Ted: Wait. This looks like ancient Swatabi. "Turn your eye to the light. Go from blindness to sight." That's a clue! Turn your eye to the light. All right. I'm looking directly into the sun. It's very bright. It's starting to sting. I'm not going to lie to you. Okay, now it's burning. And it's counting... Oh, I singed my cornea. Oh, I'm blind. Ooh. Ow. [he groans while he puts hands on his eyes and begins Dancing around in pain George on a nearby tree playfully mimics his dance] Okay, water! H20. Just a little liquid refreshment, please. [puts water in his eyes] Oh, there it is. Oh, sweet relief. Thank you, Edu. Edu, Edu, Edu.
Edu: [closing the book] All right, men, let's pick it up.
Ted: I'll be over here until my vision return. Oh, I traveled 10,000 miles for a paperweight? Oh, what am I going to tell Mr. Bloomsberry? [the cell phone rings with the music of "William Tell Overture" playing, then picking out of the pocket, saying, "BLOOMSBERRY"] Bloomsberry? Wow. Strong signal. [calls on the phone] Hello.
Bloomsberry: Ted, it's me. Have you found it yet?
Ted: Yeah. I'm looking at it right now.
Bloomsberry: Oh, that's great. Is it gigantic?
Ted: Well, there is a size issue, sir. I'll send you a photo so you can see for yourself.
Bloomsberry: I can't wait.
[takes a photo of the idol]
Ted: Um, do you see it, sir?
Bloomsberry: [sobbing] I do.
Ted: Oh, sir. Are you crying?
Bloomsberry: It's supposed to be 40 feet tall.
Ted: I'll explain it all when I get back.
Bloomsberry: No need to, I can see it right here.
[the phone hears a dial tone, then sighing, then cut to a computer]
Bloomsberry: I can't believe it. Do you see that, Junior? It's even bigger than I've ever imagined! [starts spinning the chair]
Junior: Well, that's impossible. I can't believe he...
Bloomsberry: Whoopee!
Junior: Hooray! We're saved.
[cut back to George and Ted]
Edu: Mr. Ted. Time to go.
[George grabs the hat, then opening and closing]
Ted: You know what? Keep the hat. Hey, don't look so sad. It's the new khaki. It's true. Bye. [he goes in the vehicle, then George looks at the vehicle]
Man: Hey... How come they get to ride?
[George begins running along with the hat, with the music of "Talk of the Town" by Jack Johnson playing]
Ted: Edu, I can't find a seat belt. Will that be a problem?
Edu: Not for me.
Ted: Edu, it's okay to use the brake!
Edu: Oh, relax.
[they continue driving to the boat, with the village and the boat, then continues going to the boat, then looking at Ted, going to the boat, then going on the plates of woman, then running at the chickens, then trying to go to the boa By jumping toward the boats anchors chain but doesn't make it and end up falling in the water' The nahcir rise as the bottom come out gerge. on it George happily jump up and down and slide on anchor then starts climbing up on the chain, then going in the boat ,George jump though a Hoel in the wall and enter the ships cargo room full of crates george sees ted and climbs the crates with the men closing at the top]
Ted: Mr. Bloomsberry, I would just like to say in my defense that... Sir, when we set out on certain adventures in life...
[ the men close the door, then locking the door Causing George to look sad Bu then he turn and sees Ted Through a window]
Ted: Sometimes, sometimes they don't quite go as planned. I'm extra sorry. Oh, boy. Maybe I could just work on the ship, be a deckhand or a chef.
(George appear at the window watching Ted)
[George wears The hat And Jumps off balcony , then cut to Ted, opening a door to his bedroom]
Ted: I'm so glad I upgraded. [the drawer hits the knee and forehead] Oh, the knee! Aah! There's the forehead. [groaning] Knee-forehead combo.
[cut back to George, going down the crates and gets to floor, he walks into the moonlight smile at it then looking at a closet, with a shiny red button, looking at his reflection on the button he then pushes it causing it to burst open sending lots of clothes onto George ,George gets up and has a blue pajama bottom on his head the bottom flap opens and Georg fat is seen geographic then sees a chest which Then Pushes another red button which is rvelae dpi be and actitvation button yo a Forklift, George ends up going backwards ofhe vehicle, with the fruit boxes With The real Life fruit company dole logo on them This cause the crte stack to topple and Burt opening spilling out lots of bananas and fruits Much to Georges Please who happily licks his lips ready to eat)
[cut back to Ted, trying to open A bag of nuts which Burts open with the nuts falling in the vent]
Ted: Oh, no, no. Not the honey roasted goodness. [lays down on the bed] Ow, and there's the head again.
[cut back to George, eating a banana, then throwin it, Goegre happily pat his stomach indicating that he's fullmthen yawning, then laying down on the hat hugs it and goes to sleep, then cut at night, with the foghorn blowing, while going to the city, with the man unlocking the door, with George getting out]
Man: Hey, it's a monkey with a hat! I'll just go ahead and put that under miscellaneous.
[cut to George running, then looking at a city, with the music of "People Watching" by Jack Johnson playing, then looking at a monorail car, plane]
Cabbie: Where you going, Yellow?
Ted: Bloomsberry Museum, please. I'll give you 10 bucks extra if you'll stop calling me Yellow.
Cabbie: You got it, Sunshine.
[the car drives to the city, with George running along at the poles, then sliding down, then running down, then climbing at the taxi car, then waving at the woman, then looking at George, with the woman screaming]
Cabbie: For crying out loud, lady, there's no screaming in cabs.
[he looks at the cars, saying, "TAXI", then stopping, then looking at car driving, saying "Over 40 Feet Tall!", then looking at the idol, gasping]
Ted: Wait, what does that say? "The Lost Shrine of Zagawa"? Gigantic? Oh, that's not right at all. The shrine is 40 feet tall?
Cabbie: I know. That bad boy's a monster. I can't wait to see it. I'm taking the whole family.
Ted: Uh, yeah. Well, I hope you get seats up front. [he lays down, then the people yell, then running at the car, then looking at the man]
Man: Huh?
[the dogs bark at the man]
Man: Puppies, puppies.
Cabbie: Watch the claws. Watch the claws.
[the dogs tangle up the lady, then feeling dizzy, then grabbing the hat]
Cabbie: Yeah sure, I've seen everything in this town.
[George appears]
Cabbie: Oh, yeah, monkey? Seen it.
[they both take a picture at George, with the hat blowing away, then trying to get the hat, then driving at George while ducking under, then climbing up, looking at the banners, saying, "THE LOST SHRINE OF ZAGAWA OVER 40 FEET TALL!", then looking at all the cars]
Cabbie: Construction. Of all the luck.
Ted: You know what, sir? I'll just get out right here. Right. This will work. I'm just going to go home, call Mr. Bloomsberry and explain everything.
Cabbie: Sure. Whatever. $12.50, pal.
Ted: [gives the dollar to Cabbie, then honking at Ted] Whoa! Sorry.
[he looks at Ted, walking down]
Ted: Okay, I'm moving.
[George goes up, by getting to George, then walking at the banner, then walking at the building]
Woman: [honking at Ted] Watch out!
Ted: Hey! What, you couldn't see me? Right.
[George goes down by the lights, then opening the window, with the woman screaming, then looking at Ted, going to the apartment, then going down, with Ted going in to Ivan]
Ted: Hey there, Ivan.
[he grunts]
Ted: Good talk. Take care.
[cut to George, going to the apartment, with Ted going up the elevator, then grabbing the hat, then climbing up, then opening the door]
Ted: Ah, home.
[George continues climbing up, then sitting on the couch]
Ted: [sighing] Okay. I just need two seconds of quiet. [lays down on the couch, then hearing a phone ringing] All right, I didn't mean literally. [looking at the phone, saying, "BLOOMSBERRY"] Uh-oh. [calls on the phone] Hello?
Bloomsberry: Ted!
Ted: Hi, Mr. Bloomsberry. I just walked in the door.
Bloomsberry: Well, get down here. All the news reporters are here. I've arranged a press conference just for you. You're the hero of the moment.
[George continues looking]
Bloomsberry: Oh, have you seen the surprise?
Ted: Surprise, sir?
Bloomsberry: Look out your front window.
Ted: My window?
Bloomsberry: Yes, yes, take a look-see.
Ted: Okay.
[the hat continues blowing by the wind]
Bloomsberry: You're really going to like it. Well, what do you think?
[he gasps, looking at the sign with Ted and the idol, saying, "I FOUND IT COME SEE IT!"]
Bloomsberry: Speechless! [laughing] I knew you'd love it.
[George grabs the hat by swinging on the pole]
Bloomsberry: Ted, you deserved it. I don't know what I would have done. You single-handedly saved the museum.
Ted: Mr. Bloomsberry, I have to tell you something.
Bloomsberry: Yes, I'm all ears. It's about... Yes, what?
Ted: My hat?
Bloomsberry: Sure. Wear your hat. Wear your best suit. Just get down here.
Ted: Uh-huh. There can't be two hats like that.
Ivan: [sniffing] Pet? [looking at the fish, dog, and cat, then sniffing] Pet!
Ted: My hat? My yellow hat? No, no, this can't be the same hat.
[George opens the hat]
Ted: It's the same hat! And the same monkey! Wait, you followed me all the way from Africa, to play peek-a-boo?
[cut to Ivan in an elevator]
Ivan: [sniffing] No.
[the arrow points to 2]
Ivan: [sniffing] No again. [sniffing] No. No.
[the arrow points to 6]
Ivan: No. No. No.
[the arrow points to 8, 9]
Ivan: No. No. No.
[the arrow points to 12]
Ivan: No. No. No.
[the arrow goes faster]
Ivan: No.
[the arrow points to 17]
Ivan: Hold the phone.
[cut back to Ted and George]
Ted: No, no, no, no, no. I don't want to play peek-a-boo.
[Ivan knocks at the door, then gasping]
Ivan: Open up, 17-B. I know you are in there. Open up. Ivan don't like to wait.
Ted: What? Oh, no, monkey!
Ivan: Come on, open the door!
Ted: Monkey, where are you? [opens tbe door] Oh. Hi, Ivan.
Ivan: I'm smelling pet.
Ted: Pet? No, no pet here. Can't have a pet? Wait, isn't there a no-pet policy?
Ivan: Yes.
Ted: Hey, you can't just barge in here. Apparently you can.
[Ivan crawls to the floor, sniffing, with George appearing, gasping]
Ivan: Pet is close. [continues crawling on the floor, sniffing] Aha!
Ted: What?
Ivan: Nothing. Just practicing for when I find pet. [he sniffs at the light and the floor]
Ted: [whispering] Monkey, monkey no! Down, down, down. No! No! No!
Ivan: [to Ted] Why you yell when I'm right next to you?
Ted: Uh, no reason.
[they hear a refrigerator closing, then opening the refrigerator]
Ivan: Aha!
Ted: [gasping] What?
Ivan: Milk is sour. Don't drink. [closing the refrigerator]
[Ted throws a book to the window]
Ivan: Bingo! Now move, please.
Ted: [grabs George] New game. New game. Hide and seek. [runs to the bathroom, shaking the hat to get George out] Stay right there. Good monkey. [puts his hat on, then closing the door, then looking at the toilet paper by the wind, then touching the toilet paper, by rolling out all of it, then running to get George, then Ivan appears]
Ivan: [to Ted] Did you hear something?
Ted: No.
[George clatters around]
Ivan: How 'bout that?
Ted: Nope.
[they hear a toilet flushing]
Ted: If you're asking, I didn't hear that either.
Ivan: [grabs Ted] Move, sir. [kicks the door] Aha!
Ted: Oh, that. I unroll it ahead of time. It helps when you're in a rush.
Ivan: Where's the pet? Where's... I can't find pet nowhere. Very strange. Nose does not lie. [walks away]
Ted: Well, that was fun. Next time we'll have to do it at your place, okay, Ivan? [gasping] Miss Plushbottom. [he hears an opera] Oh, no, that's trouble. Monkey. Oh, Mr. Monkey! [he gets out of the bathroom, then opening the door to Ivan]
Ivan: If I find pet, you are "e-wic-ted."
Ted: E-what-ed?
Ivan: E-vic-ted.
Ted: Good to know. [he slams the door at Ivan, then getting out of the window, then looking down] Oh, no! [closing the windows] Oh, that's a big drop, Ted. Don't look down. Rickety's okay, just as long as there's no wind.
[the wind howls at Ted on a ladder, screaming, with a paper flying, saying, "Zagawa"]
Ted: Sweet mother of science! [holds the ladder] Cramp! Cramp again. Cramp. Cramp. Darn that cramp. Dah!
Plushbottom: No, no, no, no, no! These are not the colors I wanted. I told you to match them to the City Opera...
Painter 2: Did you see that?
Plushbottom: [singing, while grabbing the picture, saying, "Opera Hall"] Hall!
[cut to George, crawling in a vent]
Painter 1: They are the same colors, Miss Plushbottom.
Plushbottom: They may look like it, but do they sing to me? [singing while pushing the men] You are fired!
Painter 1: Hey, she fired us in song.
Painter 2: It still hurts.
Plushbottom: And now I must have a soak. [he goes to the tub]
[cut to George rolling down at the vent, then opening the vent, then swinging up at the ceiling, then getting down, bouncing on the couch, and table, then hearing radio, then blaring at George, with the foot getting on the red paint, then splashing on the floor, then looking at the paints with red, green, blue, and yellow, then putting hands in the paint with green and red, then clapping hands, then splashing at the paint trat, then drawing on the wall, then putting the feet on the wall, then cut to Plushbottom, taking a bath, with cucumbers on her eyes, then drawing on the wall, then looking at the bubbles, popping, then popping the bubbles, then opening a mouth with the bubble popping at George, then poppping all the bubbles, then climbing up the tub, looking at George in a bubble, then popping, with the green paint drop in the water drop, then touching the water, then putting the hands in the water, then cut to Ted, climbing up]
Ted: Okay fellas, last stop. Everybody off. [the birds fly off the hat, then looking at all the paint cans] No. Paint? You've got to be kidding me. Who leaves eight open cans of paint lying around? Uh-oh. [opens the window, then falling on the chair with the zebra paint, screaming, then looking at the paint] Of course he went in there. [he looks at Plushbottom and George, then gasping] Oh, boy.
[George dumps the paint out of the can in the water, by mixing the paint]
Ted: Monkey, monkey. Over here, come, monkey. Come on. Monkey, peek-a-boo. Peek-a-boo. Monkey!
[the paint can falls in the water]
Ted: Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! No, no, no, no, quiet.
Plushbottom: [takes the cucumbers off of her eyes] What's that?
Ted: Do yourself a favor. You're going to want to put the cucumbers back on. [closing the door, with Plushbottom screaming in the mirror, with Ted running away]
Plushbottom: [pressing a button] Ivan!
Ivan: I knew it! You are red-handed with pet.
Ted: And while we're on the subject, I think you have a serious pest problem in this building, Ivan. I mean, don't you spray for jungle animals every spring? I specifically remember such language in my lease. [to George, whispering] Let go. Not helping.
Plushbottom: Look at my walls!
Ted: [to Plushbottom] And you!
Plushbottom: What?
Ted: You hired a monkey to paint your apartment. How do you sleep at night?
Ivan: [pointing to George and Ted on a wall painting] Here is your monkey! Now what do you say?
Ted: Come on, that could be any guy in a yellow suit, silk starched collar, black spotted tie.
Plushbottom: Ivan!
[he looks at Ivan screaming]
Ted: Well, that was fun. Bye-bye. [slides down the door, breaking] Sorry. My fault.
[Ivan throws the broken door away, then they all scream]
Ted: [running to the window] Lovely apartment. Could we borrow your window? Gotta go.
Ivan: [opens the door, running over Plushbottom, and the window] You are no more 17-B. You are kick-ed from building.
Ted: Just to be clear, the monkey's kick-ed, not me?
Ivan: Get out!
[they both use a ladder, to climb down, with the foot getting caught on a ladder]
Ted: Whoa-oh-oh-oh. Foot caught. Ow. Ow.
[George grabs the necktie of George, sighing]
Ted: What am I going to do with you?
[the music of the reprise of "People Watching" by Jack Johnson playing by getting to the museum]
Ted: Come on. We're almost at the museum. Act natural. Try to blend in.
Man: Yeah, boy.
[George holds the leg of George]
Ted: Come on.
[he looks at the baby, then imitating like a baby, then putting at Ted]
Ted: [tickling him] Ooh, that tickles. [laughing, then he clears throat] He's grooming me. Everyone's doing it. They're getting small monkeys and... Uh, never mind.
Woman: So cute.
[they both go to the museum]
Ted: Oh, I forgot all about them. Quick, monkey, this way! Okay.
[gets in the store, then the parts crash]
Ted: Oh, no! What have they done? These are cheesy, ridiculous. Okay, that's kind of fun.
Maggie: How much longer is this going to take?
Bloomsberry: Let's all be patient, please. Ted will be more than happy to answer all your questions regarding the giant idol.
Ted: Oh, boy. Run, monkey, run! [opening the door] Quick, in here. What am I gonna do? Oh, this is beyond bad.
[George opens and closes the blinds]
Ted: Hey, monkey. Shh! Quiet. Monkey! I said quiet!
Junior: Well, we gave it a shot, didn't we? I mean, huge monkey statues, they come and go, but parking lots are forever.
Ted: Excuse me, would you please!
Junior: Oh, look who's back.
Ted: I'm serious. Would you stop that? I have to concentrate.
Junior: And he's wearing a yellow suit. What, is he officially the golden child now?
[George grabs a mask]
Ted: Monkey, put that down. No. [puts the mask on Ted's face, sighing] I've got problems. Oh, do I have problems!
Junior: Glorious day, Ted has problems.
Ted: [takes the mask off] What am I going to do? What can I do? There's no way around it. I have to tell Mr. Bloomsberry the truth. The horrible, awful...
Junior: Horrible? Awful?
Ted: ...devstatingly crushing truth.
Junior: Devastatingly crushing?
Ted: His enormous idol looks like it came out of a cereal box.
Junior: That must be a huge box of cereal or...
Ted: It's only three inches tall!
Junior: Yes! This is great! What a great day for parking lots! Whoa! [falls to the ground] Oh, my body. Hey, a dollar!
[cut to Ted, watching the globe spin]
Ted: Yeah, it spins. Fun, huh?
Clovis: [knock at the door] Ted? Hello? Yoo-hoo?
[Ted stops spinning the globe, then continues spinning]
Clovis: Oh, there you are. What's with that?
Ted: Clovis, I can explain.
[George rides on the fan]
Clovis: I should hope so, because that is a lot of yellow for one man.
Ted: You see it's... I thought you were color-blind.
Clovis: I can see that. Oh, before I forget, here's a bill for my services.
Ted: [gives a form] $2,000? What's this for?
Bloomsberry: The exhibition stage of the Lost Shrine of Zagawa?
Ted: Mr. Bloomsberry?
Bloomsberry: Watch this. [presses a button, then the lights and smoke appear]
Recorded voice: Behold the Eighth Wonder of the World!
Bloomsberry: [laughing] Clovis whipped it up. Doesn't it take your breath away?
Ted: [gasping] More than you know.
[cut to George in a fish tank, then growling at George, then he imitates the growl]
Bloomsberry: Okay, let's get down to business. Where's the shrine?
[puts the idol on the floor]
Bloomsberry: What's that?
[Ted presses a button]
Recorded voice: Behold the Eighth Wonder of the World!
Bloomsberry: What? Ted! That can't be the idol. I don't understand. We saw the picture. The statue's huge.
Ted: I'm sorry, sir, but it is. I've been trying to tell you. This is this.
[he sighs, then closing the phone]
Bloomsberry: Oh, Ted, what are we going to do?
Junior: Okay, here he is, everybody. Right this way!
Ted: Uh-oh.
Junior: The man of the hour. Our hero. No pushing. You'll all get a chance. Hey, Ted. They can't wait for you to tell them about the massively gigantic, huge, enormous idol. Don't be shy. Right up there. Come on. Now's not the time for butterflies, Ted. Speak right into the mic. You're good. You've checked that that's working, right?
Ted: Uh...
Junior: Louder!
Ted: Any questions?
Kid: Over here. Can you tell how old it is?
Ted: Uh...
Junior: Sounded like old, but what she said was big. How big is it?
Ted: Um, you know, I'm not sure about that.
Reporter: Was it difficult to find a boat big enough to bring the idol back?
Ted: No. No. Didn't have a problem on the boat thing. It... Yeah, it fit nicely.
Reporter: Excuse me, what was your first reaction when you saw the idol?
Ted: Uh, I was emotional. Teared up pretty much instantly.
Junior: Guys, guys, let's focus here. We're here about the idol.
Man: So, Ted, where is the idol now?
Junior: Yes, where is the idol?
Ted: It's close. It's... it's very close.
Junior: What else we got? Come on guys, fire away. Keep 'em coming.
Woman: Uh, excuse me, rumor has it the idol has magical powers. Is that true?
Ted: Well, that all depends.
Clovis: Was it difficult to find?
Woman: Is it made of solid gold?
Junior: And how big is the idol?
[George climbs up the dinosaur skeleton]
Clovis: Are you gonna write a book?
Woman: What about a movie deal?
Ted: Oh, no, that's not a good idea.
Man: It's not? Why?
Ted: Not the Apatosaurus, formerly known as the Brontosaurus.
Bloomsberry: I'm sorry, but this is very common...
Ted: No, don't...
Bloomsberry: ...when you come back from the jungle.
Ted: Bad idea. Monkey!
Junior: Can we please get back to questions regarding when we will actually see the idol?
Ted: Monkey!
Man: You can't leave, Ted.
Ted: No, no, no! Monkey, please! No!
Junior: Ted, where is the idol?
Ted: Okay, careful, careful. That's the linchpin to the whole left leg.
[the dinosaur skeleton breaks completely, then gasping]
Ted: Oh, no!
[the all take a picture]
Junior: Wow. I didn't see that coming.
Bloomsberry: Oh, Ted, we're doomed.
[George peeks out, then gasping]
Woman: What's a monkey doing here?
Man: I guess we should just take a picture. Quick, get a picture
Junior: Well, seriously, Ted. Can't say you didn't try. I mean you did bring back a monkey, just not one that anyone cared about. Okay, bye-bye.
Ted: Hold on. You're locking me out?
Junior: [closing the door] Cabs are right behind you.
Ted: Oh, perfect.
[George grabs on the leg]
Ted: Oh, no, no, no, no. No you don't. No, this is not going to work. Ah, here it is. Animal Control. This better work.
Animal Control Receptionist: Hello, Animal Control. How can I help you?
Ted: [calls on the phone] Yes, could you send someone over to the Bloomsberry Museum right away? We have a very dangerous monkey.
Animal Control Receptionist: Uh-huh. Describe dangerous, sir.
Ted: Oh, he's frothing at the mouth. He's got teeth like Ginsu knives and crazy eyes. He's a killer. Listen to this. [he imitates like a monkey like George does] Put that child down. Oh, the horror. I can't watch!
Animal Control Receptionist: Sir, we've just closed, but I can leave a message.
Ted: What am I supposed to do with this monkey?
Animal Control Receptionist: I'm sure I don't know. Thank you for calling the Animal Control hotline.
[the phone hears a dial tone]
Ted: Hello? [puts the phone away] You, down. [he gets out of the Animal Control] Okay, listen. I'm only watching...
[George yawns]
Ted: until tomorrow when Animal...
[George yawns]
Ted: Don't do that. Okay, maybe you're right. It's late. It's been a long day. [he yawns] I'm all out of ideas. What do you got? Oh, this is great. This is a great idea. I so comfortable here. What are we lying on here? Is this goose down? Ooh, it's so comfy. No, this is a concrete park bench. Mm-hmm. That's what it is. Did I mention that it's a cold concrete bench? Very cold. Oh... Huh?
[the thunder rumbles, then it began to rain, with Ted being wet, then George climbs on the tree, then shaking the leaves]
Ted: Hey, shake all you want, monkey, there's no bananas in there.
[George continues shaking the leaves]
Ted: But if you find a 40-foot idol, let me know. [puts the hat back on, splashing, with Ted being cold, then George takes the leaves, then looking at banner, saying, "ZAGAWA: OVER 40 FEET TALL AT THE BLOOMSBERRY MUSEUM!", then taking the banner, like a blanket] Eighth Wonder of the World. Right. What a nightmare.
[the banner blanket gets wet, then ripping apart, then getting up, then walking to George]
Ted: Oh, no. No, no, no. Don't look so satisfied with yourself. The whole reason we're sleeping out here is because of you. Oh, yeah, I could be in my nice warm bed right now, showered, teeth brushed, instead of sleeping out in the cold with a monkey, under the stars.
[the rain stops]
Ted: Wow. Those glow-in-the-dark star stickers have nothing on this.
[they both look at a firefly]
Ted: [laughing] That? That's a firefly.
[George looks at a firefly, the grabbing the firefly, then grabbing the fireflies]
Ted: Ooh. Good grab. Nice. Yep, they're still in there. Bright, huh? They're bioluminescent. [shows the fireflies to Ted] Did you know that fireflies glow to remind us that they taste bitter? It's a defense mechamism.
[George puts the fireflies in his mouth, then flying inside, then spitting out, with the tongue glowing in green]
Ted: [laughing] Yeah. See? I told you.
[George grabs the fireflies]
Ted: Oh, no. No, no, no. No, thanks. I'm good. Yep, you know, there is no way I'm going to eat that bug. So quit try... [George puts the fireflies in Ted's mouth, then flying around, then spitting out, with the tongue glowing in green] Oh, wow. Yep. That tastes bad. Definitely bitter. Oh...
[George giggles while looking at Ted's tongue in green, then they both look at a tongue in green, laughing]
Ted: Okay. Oh, listen to this. I've got a good one for you. What's the difference between Neanderthal man and Cro-Magnon man? Linguistic competence and polychromatic cave paintings. [he laughs] Get it? Uh, hello?
[George snores]
Ted: You're missing the punch line. You see, it's the difference between the two... It's always a winner. [sighs] I need some fresh museum-related material. People depend on me for those jokes.
[they both continue snoring, then George gets up, looking at the children playing, then running away]
Ted: No, no. Those are dinosaur bones. You can't park there. There's no parking here. That's my office. [he gets up, gasping] Oh, it was just a bad dream. Oh, boy. Monkey! Monkey, where are you?
[the kids scream]
Kid: A monkey's loose!
Ted: Oh, no.
Kid: Run! Run!
Ted: [runs down, while he hears a girl screaming] Wait, it's a zoo. A zoo is full of monkeys. Who's to say it's mine?
Kid: A monkey's chasing me!
Ted: That's mine! [he runs to go to the zoo, then going in the penguin exhibit, with the music of "The Blue Danube" playing, then pushing Ted in the water, with Ted swimming, then spinning Ted, then gettinv out of the sewer] Oh, that's cold. So much colder than you think. I suggest never doing that, ever. Don't ever swim with penguins. Swim with dolphins. Freezing! [continues shivering] It's going to be okay, though.
Girl: He's so cute.
Kid: Okay, your turn.
Ted: There you are.
Maggie: Oh, Ted, hi.
Ted: Miss Maggie.[takes the hat off, splashing]
Girl: Whoa!
Ted: Hi.
[George laughs]
Maggie: What happened to you?
Ted: Oh, it didn't rain here?
Maggie: No, not here.
Ted: Well, that's crazy. Freak cloudburst down the street. [puts the hat back on]
Kid: Oh, yeah, right.
Maggie: Hey, where you going?
Kid: The monkey knows that guy?
Ted: Please tell me you paid for those.
Kid: He thinks he's banana?
Maggie: So, how long have you had a monkey?
Ted: I don't. I mean I do.
Maggie: Oh, he's so cute.
Ted: I really don't. Long story.
Kid: Mr. Ted, what's your monkey's name? Yeah, what's his name?
Ted: He doesn't have a name.
Kid: He has to have a name.
Ted: No, he doesn't.
Kid: Let's give him a name. All right.
Ted: Please don't.
Kid: Elvis? Jojo? Fred? Hercules?
[he hears an overlapping chatter]
Maggie: Children!
Ted: Okay. You know what? His name is Washington.
Kid: Man, that's a dumb name.
Ted: Then call him George. How's that? Happy now?
Maggie: Oh, I like George.
Kid: He's so cute.
[he imitates like kids]
Kid: Here, George, take my balloon. Let's go play, George. Oh, you like blue too? Let's play.
Ted: [looking at a sign, saying "Closed For Repair"] What's the use?
Maggie: Ted, are you okay?
Ted: It's a long story. But it looks like the museum is going to close.
Maggie: Really?
Ted: [sighs] I know how much you love the museum.
Maggie: I do love the museum, Ted. But that's not really why I go there every week.
Ted: Yeah, I know. Everyone likes cafeteria food. Gosh, it's good.
Maggie: I've never had the cafeteria food.
Ted: Really?
Maggie: Really.
Ted: So you've never had the tuna hash on Thursday?
Maggie: Never.
Ted: It's really quite something.
Maggie: I'll remember that.
Ted: There is also a meatless meat loaf on Monday which is quite special.
Maggie: Quite special.
Kid: Excuse me, mister. You have to help George.
Ted: George who?
Kid: George needs you.
Ted: Take a message, I'm busy.
Kid: He has an emergency.
Ted: The restrooms are behind the penguin habitat.
Kid: Mister, your monkey's floating away. Look, seriously. There he is.
Ted: He's what? He's what?!
Kid: Look at him! I'm not kidding, look!
Ted: Monkey! Don't be afraid. Just keep your head together and don't look down.
Kid: You've got to save George!
Ted: Who me?
All: Yes you!
Kid: Hurry! Your monkey's gonna fall!
Maggie: Hurry, Ted, hurry. He's floating away.
Ted: I'm commandeering these balloons. [grabs the balloons]
Balloon Man: Hey, where are you going?
Ted: [grabs the balloon] I need this. Thank you, young fella. Can I borrow these? Here I go! [he flies by the crocodiles, screaming] Boy, I'm glad that's over. [he flies down at the lions, screaming, then George flying up at all the balloons, then falling down while holding on, then grabbing the balloons] Pay you back. Thank you. You don't mind, do you? Official zoo business! Oh, my, okay.
[George flies by the giraffes]
Ted: Wait for me, monkey! Excuse me!
[the giraffe of the necks tangle up]
Ted: Sorry, trying to fly. More altitude.
[George continues flying]
Ted: [tries to get the kite] Sorry. I need this kite! [the kite flies to get George] How do you steer these things? Hang on, little fella, I'm coming.
[George flies away]
Man: Hey, look at that!
Woman: It's some superhero!
Announcer: There's a high fly ball, deep in left center field. We're gonna win!
[the ball hits Ted]
Announcer: We lost! And the curse continues.
[the crowd boos at the screen, saying, "BOO!"]
Ted: Ow. Ow. Ow.
[George continues flying]
Ted: Monkey. Monkey. Watch out!
[George gasps while looking at the sharp of the building]
Ted: Monkey, no!
[the balloons pop at the sharp of the building, then starting to fall closer]
Ted: Watch out!
[George continues falling, then Ted saves him]
Ted: George! Whoa! Gotcha. Wow.
[George climbs up at Ted]
Ted: You're safe now, George. I've got you. It's all right. It's okay. It's okay, George. George. I like that name. It suits you.
[they both fly down with the reprise of the music of "Talk of the Town" by Jack Johnson playing]
Ted: Hey, actually, this isn't too bad. I can't believe I'm doing this. This is awesome.
[they both continue flying, then under the bridge]
Ted: Hey, down there! Hi!
[they both continue flying at the boats, by the clouds, then at the city]
Ted: Look, George! There's the museum. Can you believe all those people down there are waiting to see this? [lets go of the kite] Hey, here it is! It's the giant idol, everybody! If only it was that big. Yeah, that's it, Ted. Just make it bigger. No problem. Wait! I can make it bigger, but I know who can. George, now hand me that pink balloon and hang on. [George grabs a green balloon] That's close enough!
George: Yee-haw.
[cut to Clovis]
Clovis: Let's see, uh, not too round. Well, this one's not round enough. Mmm, yes. Perfect. [puts the kernel in the bottle, then Ted falls to the ground] Huh? Oh, I predicted this, balloon travel finally coming back into fashion.
Ted: Clovis, I've got a problem.
Clovis: Wait!
Ted: Huh?
Clovis: Just a minute. Are you returning him?
Ted: What?
Clovis: Because I've have a strict no-return policy, on any robotic animals I create. Unless of course you have a receipt.
Ted: What? No. Clovis, calm down. This is George. He's a real monkey.
[George takes a magnifying glass]
Clovis: Are you sure?
Ted: Yes. I found him in the jungle.
[he looks at a Sparky]
Ted: Actually, he found me.
Clovis: Well, then, George, meet Sparky.
Ted: Sparky, George.
[George looks at Sparky]
Ted: Clovis, I really need your help.
Clovis: [putting a popcorn bag in the trash] You do?
Ted: Here's my problem.
Clovis: [looking at the idol] I see. You're just missing the chain. I think I have an extra one right over...
Ted: No, this is the idol.
Clovis: Ted, I'm not one to judge, but haven't you exaggerated its size just a wee bit? [he claps, then opening a penguin refrigerator] Thanks, Frosty.
Ted: Uh, what is that?
Clovis: Uh, nothing.
Ted: Should I be concerned?
Clovis: No. Not if you're behind that wall. [pushes Ted] Fire in the hole!
Ted: George, look out!
[Sparky grabs George, then exploding the trash like a volcano of popcorn flying everywhere]
Ted: Whoa! Is that popcorn?
Clovis: I call it "boom corn." It's for really big sleepovers with a lot of kids. [eats the popcorn] Hmm. Not quite right. [sputs the popcorn out, causing an explosion, then showering the trash can]
Clovis: Soaky, when you're done, could you...
[Soaky blows the popcorn away]
Clovis: Thank you. All right. Let's see what we can do with that keychain.
Ted: Idol.
Clovis: Idol, right, yes.
[the music begins "The Sharing Song" by Jack Johnson playing, then waving at Soaky]
Sparky: Sniff, sniff, sniff.
[he looks at a robotic spider, crawling up, then putting a glass on the spider, by looking at the wall, then putting spiders on the desk]
Clovis: Here's an idea. I can make it into a snow globe, a rain globe, or...
Ted: Is that a real tornado?
Clovis: Fun, huh?
Ted: Clovis, focus!
Clovis: Focus, bigger, gotcha. Hey, how about something around that size? Would that work for you?
[he screams by looking at the spider, then laughing, then barking]
Clovis: What do you mean, George made it? George, is that true?
Ted: Don't get mad at him.
Clovis: Mad? No. I think he may have the answer to your problem.
Ted: Good work, George! Clovis, I need to borrow your truck.
Clovis: My truck?
Ted: [drives a car] Thanks, Clove.
Clovis: Be careful!
[he barks at Clovis]
Clovis: What? You left your squeaky toy in the back of the truck?
Kid: This is taking so long.
Bloomsberry: Oh, no, what's going on? There are people lined up all around the block. I don't understand, Junior. I thought I told you to cancel the exhibit.
Junior: [he imitates cars] Me? No, Father, please, I don't think so. Look, I would have done it... [he sniffs] You know, Father, I'm afraid this has the stink of Ted all over it. Take a whiff with me. [he inhales]
Bloomsberry: Hmm, yes. [phone rings, then calling] Hello?
Ted: Mr. Bloomsberry? Ted here.
Bloomsberry: Ted?
Junior: How dare... Hang up, Father.
Ted: No, no, sir, don'g hang up.
Bloomsberry: Ted, I can't talk. This is really not a good time.
Ted: I have the solution!
Bloomsberry: Solution?
Junior: I'm sorry, did he say solution?
Ted: The exhibit can open as planned.
Bloomsberry: How is that possible?
Ted: Well, I'll explain it when I see you. All you need to know is, "The eagle has landed."
Bloomsberry: The what?
Junior: Did he say Beagle?
Ted: No, I said, "The eagle has landed."
Bloomsberry: Eagle?
Junior: What about the idol? Ask him about the idol.
Ted: Well, no, the idol would be the eagle.
Bloomsberry: Ted, start over.
Ted: It's not a big deal. I'll be there in 15 minutes.
Bloomsberry: Okay fine, hurry!
[George presses a button, then the music begins "Jungle Gym" by Jack Johnson playing, with George dancing, then they all scream while running away, then they continue running away, then laying down, then looking at big George dancing]
Ted: Would you get out of the way? Man on a mission here.
[George lays down]
Ted: I'm seeing multiple violations of rules of the road. Multiple violations!
[George gets back up, dancing]
Cabbie: Oh, yeah, 40-foot monkey causing unintentional widespread panic? Seen it.
[takes a picture of the man, then looking at the fly, then flying away, then riding the bike down through the stairs, screaming, with the people screaming]
Ted: Traffic is crazy, I'm going to get off Broadway and try 6th. [he goes down the lever to make the car go] Hey, there are lines painted on the street for a reason!
[the car honks]
Ted: Oh, yeah? Well, that's not physically possible for me to do. So there! George, take that license plate number down quickly!
[he uses the lever to make big George go off, then they continue driving]
Ted: George, what are you thinking? Tighten your seat belt. Every nut case in the city is on the road today. Wow, Junior's right. There is a parking problem in the city.
[the sirens blare]
Ted: [brinhing a cart] Mr. Bloomsberry! Mr. Bloomsberry!
Junior: Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. That's it! Get that little jungle thing out of here before he destroys something else.
Bloomsberry: Hold on there, son. Ted, what is this contraption?
Ted: Stand back, everyone, and prepare to be amazed.
Junior: Oh, yeah, this ought to be good.
Ted: Here, George, let's show them. Small idol... [pulls the lever up, then George presses a button, then they both look at an idol] Big idol! Isn't that thing awesome?
Bloomsberry: Uh-huh. I see.
Junior: What is it? Daddy, I'm scared.
Bloomsberry: Interesting.
Junior: I don't like it.
Bloomsberry: We optically enlarge the statue. Yes, I suppose this might work. Yes, this will definitely work.
Junior: Hmm.
Ted: Well, sir, the credit really should go to George. He gave me the idea as we were floating over the city.
Bloomsberry: Floating?
Ted: You know what? I'll tell you about it some other time.
Junior: Excuse me. Hi. Voice of reason. I'd like to introduce myself. Hello. Are we so desperate that we'll lie to our public?
Bloomsberry: Nonsense. We promised the people something awe-inspiring, and we're giving it to them, thanks to Ted and George. I knew you wouldn't let me down.
Ted: Well, sir, I've got to tell you, I came pretty close.
Bloomsberry: No, no, Ted, I am so proud of you. You're like the son I never had.
Junior: Father, I'm your son, remember?
Bloomsberry: Yes, but I had you. Ted, this is amazing.
Junior: Yes, of course. What was I thinking?
Ted: Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Isn't that cool? Can you believe it?
[he dumps the coco in the red ball]
Junior: Hey, monkey. Monkey want a sip? Go on, take it. Yummy! Creamy. Mmm, yes. Good, drink it.
[George drinks the coco]
Junior: Say, I guess the world didn't need another parking lot, after all. Hey, you did it. Another great Ted moment.
Ted: Thank you!
Junior: We've got nobody to thank but you.
[the big idol disappears, then gasping, with George drinking coco, then hiccups, then exploding the machine]
Ted: George, what did you do?
Junior: Oh, Yed, I warned you about that monkey.
Ted: You don't give a monkey a latte.
Junior: Now he's gone and destroyed the last chance we had of saving my father's museum. It's ny father's only museum. What have you done, Ted? What have you done? [starts crying]
Bloomsberry: He's right, Ted. We've just been fooling ourselves. It's over.
Junior: Agreed.
Ted: But, sir, I still think we could...
Bloomsberry: Ted, I said it's over.
Junior: It's okay, Father. It's okay, I'm here. Your son. Your real son. Junior. Not Ted. Yes, Father, you'll be fine.
Ted: [grabs the idol, then walking away] No, no, George. You just stay here, okay? [getting out of the museum] I have to do this.
[George looks out the window with Ted, taking the hat off]
Ted: Excuse me. Uh, I'm... I'm sorry, everybody, the museum's closed.
[the crowd gasp, then they mutter]
Kid: But for how long?
Ted: Forever.
Kid: But I want to see the giant idol.
Ted: There never was one.
[the crowd groan]
Ted: It was all a big mistake.
Kid: We've been waiting for hours.
[the crowd mutter while walking away]
Kid: This is terrible.
Man: What a rip-off.
[the people continue walking away]
Maggie: [to Ted] I'm so sorry.
[he sighs, then they hear a bus honking]
Kid: Hurry, Miss Dunlop!
Maggie: I have to go. I'll be back. I promise.
[he sits down, looking at the people walking away, with George walking by Ted, then grabbing the arm]
Ted: It's too late to cheer me up. You think life's just nonstop fun and games, don't you? Well, it's not, George. At least not for me.
[George grabs the hat]
Ted: George, please. Please just leave me alone. You're better off without me. This is not good. You and me? You belong in the jungle. I belong somewhere without a monkey. I don't want... [puts the hat back on] I can't have you in my life. Please, just go. Do you understand?
[George grabs on Ted]
Ted: No. Look, monkey, don't follow me! [he walks away] Get away!
Man: [the net captures George] Got him! Easy, easy... Get the cage ready! Careful. He's dangerous.
Ted: Hey, hey, not so rough.
Man: Stand back, sir. I know he looks cute, but this one is supposed to have teeth like Ginsu knives. Yeah, that's right. This matches the description. Hey, he's getting away! All right, all right. I got him, I got him.
Ted: [to the men] Guys, guys, could you just take him?
Man: Careful, watch his teeth.
Ted: Please. And don't hurt him.
Man: [putting George in a cage] Relax, little fella. Back to Africa with you. [closing the door]
Ted: [looks at the back of the truck, saying, "Animal Control"] It's for the best, Ted. It's for the best.
[the music begins "Wrong Turn" by Jack Johnson playing, with the man opening at the back of the truck, then taking a cage, then grabbing the hook of the cage]
Man: All right, take it away.
[the boat carries the cage inside the boat, then cut to Ted, walking down, looking at the man]
Ted: Peek-a-boo. [they both do peekaboo] Peek-a-boo-a-boo-a-boo. Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo.
Ted: [looks at a sign, saying, "All Sales Final" with the Manager and Salesman] Ah, George. He loved peek-a-boo.
Salesman: Do you think he saw us?
Ted: [walks to a red balloon, looking at a reflection, with George and Ted flying under a bridge] Man, what a ride. [grabs a red balloon]
Kid: Hey, that's mine!
[he looks at the yellow paint, then touching the yellow paint, looking at George dumping the paint from the can]
Ted: Monkey!
[George puts the can in the water before dumping, then touching the yellow paint]
Ted: He loved the primary colors. [he puts hands on the wall]
Man: [continues painting on the wall] Hey, no, no, no. That's fresh paint. That's fresh paint. Hey, no, no. Come on. [he slips the paint, then falling down, screaming] Yup, quitting time.
Ted: [walks to the street] George?
[they look at George jumping]
Ted: How did you get out?
[the tires squeal at Ted, then crashing into the fire hydrant, then watching George, at the TV, saying, "6 Breaking News"]
Ted: George? Ah. So that's why traffic was so bad. Oh, George.
Kid: Here, give me that.
Ted: Those were some good times. We had some fun, didn't we?
Clovis: Thank you.
[the man goes in the store, then running at Phil in a monkey suit, then hugging]
Phil: Sir, I'm only passing out flyers, not hugs.
Maggie: Ted, I've been looking for you. Is everything okay?
Phil: That's what I was thinking.
Ted: Yeah sure, why?
Phil: Why?
Maggie: Well, you are hugging a man dressed in a monkey costume.
Phil: Kind of tight, I might add.
Ted: And, uh, good luck with that, Phil. Great to see you again.
Phil: Yeah, you too. Remember, the sale ends Thursday.
Ted: So after they took him away, I've been wandering the streets. You saw me hugging a man in a monkey outfit. That pretty much catches you up. I can't believe George is gone. And it's all my fault.
Maggie: Yes, it is.
Ted: What?
Maggie: Ted, do you want me to tell you want you want to hear or do you want to hear what you should hear, which I'll tell you, and not just what yoy think you want to hear?
Ted: Uh, run that by me one more time.
Maggie: George is gone. And I'm afraid it's your fault he's gone. So the question is, what are you going to do about it?
Ted: Hmm.
Maggie: Hmm?
Ted: You're right. It is my fault. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a monkey. You know that I don't have a date with a monkey. It was just my way of saying I'm going after George.
Maggie: Ted...
Ted: Right, bye. [runs away]
[cut to the ship at night, with the man bringing George in with a banana, then closing the door, then going, then Ted drives a car]
Ted: [looking at a boat] Oh, no, I'm too late. Or am I? Luckily, movies have taught me exactly what to do in this situation. Kids, don't try this at home. [he starts driving to get to the boat] Here we go! [he goes to get the boat, with the sign, saying, "PIER 53", then breaking the gate, then breaking] What am I doing? This isn't a movie. It's real! [the car splashes in the water, then putting a duck inner tube around Ted, squeaking, then getting out, then looking at the men] Huh, this is odd. You guys are a little dressed up for a cargo ship to Africa, don't you think? [he hears a foghorn blowing] Oops. Excuse me. [jumps out from the car] I'm coming for you! [he dives in the water, then grabbing an anchor] Whew. George! George! [continues swinging on an anchor] George! George!
[the rat takes the banana to George, then he continues swinging on the anchor, then breaking the window, then going in]
Ted: George? [he walks down the crates like stairs] Where are you? George, are you here? I think you're here. George!
[George jumps in the cage, then clattering]
Ted: George! [he gasps while looking at George in a cage] There you are. Stand back, buddy. [he uses a fire extinguisher to open the cage, then tickling him] George, give me a hug, you little fur ball. There. You're all right. Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know how I let them take you away. [George scratches Ted's hair] I mean, I do. This was so important to me. Somehow it just doesn't matter anymore. What matters is you and me, buddy, our buddyship. Now we can do all the monkey things we've always wanted to. [the sun shines at the idol] I'll get an organ and grind, and you can dance for money. Or, I can dance for money. We'll figure it out. We can take turns. But, George, do you mind? I'm expressing some feelings here. It's kind of hard, okay? Now, where was I? Right, who's going to dance? Uh, oh, no, no. Adventure! You brought adventure to my life! And now, you know, that's all that matters.
[George shows the Lost Shrine of Zagawa]
Ted: Wait? Where's that coming from? It's a pictogram!
[George takes the idol]
Ted: George, it's the map. We had it all along! Of course. "Turn your eye to the light, go from blindness to sight." I was supposed to hold the statue up to the sun. [looks at an idol] Pack your things, George. We're off to Africa on the very next ship. [he hears a foghorn blowing] Wait a minute. We're already on a ship to Africa. Oh, man. What a time-saver.
[they both go to Africa, then shining the idol at Edu]
Ted: Okay, Edu. I got it. [looking at the waterfalls] That's it! You did it, George. Give me five! That's close enough.
[they both laugh]
Edu: Well done, Mr. Ted.
Ted: This way, men! Follow me. The guy in yellow.
Edu: Let's go!
[they all wait to go to the museum, with the banners, saying, "Finally Zagawa Zagawa", then opening the car door]
Junior: Here I am. Please! Valet at your service.
Plushbottom: We've been waiting.
Junior: Sorry. The nearest parking lot is five blocks away.
Plushbottom: I know. I own that parking lot. That's where the real money is.
Junior: I know. [starts crying]
Recorded voice: Behold, the Eighth Wonder of the World! The Lost Shrine of Zagawa.
[the crowd cheer]
Cabbie: Okay, now that I haven't seen. But now I've seen it.
[Ted and George come over while they give them applause]
Woman: Way to go, Mr. Ted!
Ted: [takes the papers out] Ahem. As I stand front of the Lost Idol of Zagawa...
Maggie: Uh-oh.
[the crowd moan]
Ted: ...I just have one important thing to say. Anyone can memorize facts and figures. The real way to learn anything is to go out and experience it and let your curiosity lead you. [throws the papers away] Hi. So who's ready to learn?
[teh crowd cheer while they open curtains of the games]
Maggie: Wow, it's beautiful.
Woman: Remarkable. I've never seen anything like it.
Man: It's gorgeous.
[the parts crash]
Ted: Come on, this way. Don't be shy!
[the kids cheer, while running to Ted, then squirting the paint at the sign, saying, "Paint Like George"]
Plushbottom: [laughing] Oh, this is so exhilarating! You know, Timmy, I have an original George in my penthouse.
Ted: [looking at a picture of Ivan on the back] Wow, that looks just like... [gasping] Ivan!
Ivan: Wait.
[Ted runs away]
Maggie: Ted. Ted. Over here.
Ivan: There you are, 17-B.
Ted: Boy, you are light on your feet for a big man.
Ivan: I must admit, your monkey shows real talent.
Ted: He's quite the artist.
Ivan: So I ak taking back kick-ed-ing you from building.
Ted: Well, that's great, Ivan.
Ivan: No hard feelings. [George puts hands on Ivan's cheeks] Ooh. George, you're just so cute. [laughing] I think he likes me.
Bloomsberry: Right over there.
Kid: Thanks, Mr. Bloomsberry.
Junior: I parked all the cars, Father.
Bloomsberry: Good job, son.
Junior: Really? A good job? Oh, Father. Oh, Father. [gives Bloomsberry a hug] Hug time.
Bloomsberry: There, there, my boy.
Junior: Hug your son. Tighter.
Bloomsberry: It's okay. It's okay.
Junior: Yes. Hold me.
Bloomsberry: Daddy's here.
Woman: Good job, sweetheart.
Kid: Wow, George, you are so fast. What is that thing?
Clovis: I'm not one to brag, but I call it "The Magnificator"!
Kid: That's so cool.
Clovis: Say, have you seen Sparky?
Kid: I found a rib bone. I found a femur. I found Sparky.
Bloomsberry: And I am happy to say that because of Ted...
Ted: Uh, sir, George. Don't forget George.
Bloomsberry: And George, of course, we are not going anywhere. The Bloomsberry Museum is here to stay!
[the crowd cheer, then George continues taking the balloons]
Reporter: Are you going to retire, Mr. Bloomsberry?
Bloomsberry: No, no, I'm not teriring at all.
[he climbs up the stairs, then looking at the rocket, then letting of the balloon, then they continue cheering]
Bloomsberry: All right, all right. Last question.
Woman: Ted, where will you and George go for your next adventure? The Arctic? South America? Egypt?
Ted: You know you don't need to go around the world for a great adventure. I have a lot of things to catch up on right here.
Maggie: Really?
Ted: Really.
Kid: Uh, mister, George is...
Ted: I know, he's cute. Lovable.
Maggie: Very cute, very lovable.
Kid: Yeah. Well, he's also in that rocket.
Ted: It's okay. There's no fuel in it.
[the rocket roars, then they gasp]
Ted: Clovis, you didn't put fuel in that rocket, did you?
Clovis: Uh, maybe.
[he gasps, then he runs to the rocket]
Maggie: Oh, no.
Clovis: I see a rocket with empty fuel tanks, what am I supposed to do?
Ted: [he goes inside the rocket] George, wait! [closing the door]
Junior: See ya, Ted. No more hard feelings, huh?
Maggie: Careful, Ted. Hurry back.
[last lines, as the music of the reprise begins "Upside Down" by Jack Johnson playing]
Ted: Okay, but once around the Earth, and then straight home. Do you hear me? Okay? I've got plans tonight?
[the rocket flies up into space]
Ted: Gosh. No, no, no, George, I'm not letting you drive. Just sit back and... No, George, don't push that button. I don't know what it does, George. [George presses a button] Hold on, George! [the rocket flies by the earth] Oh, boy! Whoo! That is a surge of adrenaline. Oh, I'm going to sleep good tonight.
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