January 8th, 2004
Can I Keep Him?
Titans East - Part 1
(Opening shot: an extreme close-up of the Amazing Mumbo, fully decked out in his magician's getup and backing away from the camera slightly.)
Mumbo: And for my next trick, I, the Amazing Mumbo, (pulls off the top hat) shall make all your money vanish into thin air.
(On the end of this, the background resolves to the lobby of a bank, whose vault door is standing wide open. Cut to it and zoom in slowly; employees lie bound and gagged on the floor, and large sacks of cash are piled up in the center.)
Mumbo: (from o.c.) Hocus-pocus!
(The sacks instantly swell up like overfilled balloons and vent their contents in the form of a green paper geyser that veers all about before streaming neatly into Mumbo's hat. Only a few loose bills are left to flutter down as he sets it back on his head. Now he eyes a gagged teller and slides over to her window. Rolling up one sleeve, he starts to reach toward her ear; she emits a muffled cry and tries to squirm out of reach. Extreme close-up of her left ear, from which he produces a very waxy penny; on its front face, Abraham Lincoln makes a sound of disgust.)
Mumbo: I just love a captive audience.
Robin: (from o.c.) They may be captive now, (Cut to the Titans near the entrance.) but you're the one who's getting locked up!
Mumbo: You forget, I'm an escape artist.
(He produces several Ping-Pong balls from between his fingers and slings them at the team; they bounce all around and start exploding. To protect a few of the hostages, Beast Boy becomes an alligator and catches one of the spheres in his mouth. Its detonation nearly makes him throw up and leaves him badly stunned, with wisps of smoke drifting from his teeth and nostrils. Meanwhile, Robin, Raven, and Starfire have set up a formidable offensive-discs, black shots, starbolts, and are shortly joined by Cyborg and his sonic cannon. The offensive barely fazes Mumbo, who dodges nimbly and uses a cluster of floating flowers as a shield. Letting these drop, he pulls off his hat and whips yards of tied handkerchiefs from it; these wrap around Cyborg's legs and drag him off balance.)
(He is slammed into the tellers' counter, hard enough to collapse a column just in front of Starfire. As she moves in, Mumbo brings out two decks of playing cards and sprays them forward. Despite the small size of the pasteboards, they have enough force to drive her screaming back to the wall, where she crashes down next to Cyborg. Next, the Beast Boy, alligator crawls across the floor and Mumbo raises his wand. A quick flick causes the brightly colored silks that ensnared Cyborg to wrap up the reptilian snout and put him out of action. Behind Mumbo, Raven gets in a bit closer.)
Raven: That all you've got?
(He conjures up a cherry bomb between his palms and sends it her way; she counters by exerting her powers and firing it right back at him. It explodes in his face, leaving nothing visible from the neck up except his hat floating free. The teller whose ear yielded that dirty penny grunts in surprise and faints, just missing the chance to see Mumbo's missing coconut drop from within the headwear and set itself neatly back in place. Pan ahead, putting him out of view, as he lifts the wand for a new spell.)
Mumbo: (from o.c.) Alakazam!
(The blast that issues forth hits a spot just above Raven's head and materializes into three steel hoops; these drop down and constrict to bind her tightly.)
Raven: Cute trick. Ready to see some real magic? (Her power spreads up from the floor.) Azarath Metrion Zinthos!
(On the end of this, she breaks free of the hoops; her spell then hits the column Cyborg knocked over and lifts it clear of the floor. The other Titans watch, Beast Boy back in human form, as the mass centers itself over Mumbo and crashes to the floor. He vanishes an instant before impact, then immediately reappears once she has pulled the column back toward herself.)
Mumbo: Trying to steal the limelight, eh? Then I guess I'll just have to make you part of the act!
(Pan ahead, putting him o.c., as he lifts his wand. An enchantment flashes forth from its tip.)
Mumbo: (from o.c.) Mumbo-jumbo!
(The column breaks apart into a huge flock of doves that encircles Raven closely. Flying at insanely high velocity, they create a vortex that begins to suck in loose papers and objects from all over the lobby. She cries out in surprise, but Mumbo just watches cheerfully and holds his hat firmly in place as the twister closes in on the other Titans. A yell from Raven and an outstretched hand spur Robin to action; he moves forward as far as he dares, trying desperately to get his fingers into hers, but the wind force slowly pulls her away. Close-up of him, panning to each speaker in turn.)
Beast Boy: DUDES!!
(He begins a shape-shift. Back to Robin, who has managed to seize Raven's arm, and pan back slowly. All five Titans are linked in a chain, Starfire holding Robin's legs, Cyborg holding Starfire's, Beast Boy as a woolly mammoth with his trunk wrapped around Cyborg's ankles. Slowly, irresistibly, they are dragged toward the maelstrom, which is now issuing from Mumbo's hat. One desperate trumpet marks Beast Boy's loss of traction, and one by one the Titans are sucked into the opening. As soon as the green pachyderm has gone, the climate instantly returns to normal and Mumbo claps the hat back in place.)
(Cut to within a square black vortex,, into which the five-hero chain falls screaming-this is somewhere inside the hat, and Beast Boy is back in human form. Close-up of Raven's hand in Robin's; her grip slowly loosens and finally yields, and another scream marks her drop out of sight. Snap to black.)
Mumbo: This'll teach you not to heckle the headliner! Presto change-o!
(A single spotlight flicks on, revealing a dour-looking white rabbit in a small version of Raven's cloak, which has holes cut in its hood to accommodate the long ears. The violet eyes and speaking voice instantly give it away as Raven, transformed by Mumbo's spell; her ears droop.)
(Snap to black.)
OPENING THEME (sung in Japanese)
(Opening shot: a lowered curtain illuminated by roving spotlights. It goes up, exposing a stage on which a chair sits under a pin spot. A vaudeville-style title card is propped on this: "Warm-Up Act-Mumbo's Menagerie." Close-up of this; it is soon nudged away by a long cane to show a new card: "Or", then another: "A Cottontail of Woe." Card and chair are then pulled away together, and the curtain comes down to black out the screen.)
(The spot on Raven comes up again; zoom in slowly and cut to her perspective, looking up at the blinding overhead source. Back to her, squinting from the glare.)
Raven: This can't be for real. (shades her eyes with one ear) It's just one of Mumbo's illusions.
Voice 1: (snides) Well, well, well.
(Cut to the speaker, a large playing card with legs, the jack of hearts, and pull back to show Raven eyeing it. This is Anycard, whose upper face frowns with contempt to match the voice, while the lower one smiles cheerfully.)
Anycard: (frowns) Look what the hat dragged in.
Raven: Um...who are you? (It jumps closer, end-for-end.)
Anycard: (smiles) I'm Anycard! (Close-up of the top face.) You know, "Pick a card, Anycard."
(Tilt down to the frowning face, which rolls its eye wearily at this very bad joke.)
Raven: Uh-huh. Where am I?
Anycard: (smiles) You're inside Mumbo's hat.
Raven: And I'm a rabbit, why?
(On the end of this, she opens her cloak to reveal a bunny-size version of her usual black outfit. Anycard does a flip to put the frowning face on top again.)
Anycard: (frowns) Do you always ask such stupid questions?
Raven: That's it. I'm outta here. Azarath Metrion Zinthos!
(The spell has no effect except for tying her ears in a bow and dumping her to the floor. Anycard has flipped again.)
Anycard: (smiles) Your magic won't work. (She tries to bat at the ears, but cannot reach.) Mumbo's the only magician in here. The rest of us are just for tricks. (She gets up.)
Raven: (pulls at her ears with her foot) I'm nobody's prop.
(The knot suddenly gives way and she tumbles backward. Cut to an overhead shot of her, zooming in slowly.)
Raven: So, how do I get out? (A five-fingered shadow falls over her; she gasps.)
Mumbo: I can't tell you that.
(Her perspective; now his gloved hand is reaching in through the spotlight glare, it is the opening of his hat. The voice is coming from outside.)
Mumbo: A magician never reveals his secrets. (Floor level.)
Anycard: (smiles) The hand! Scram!
(He bails out as she gets upright; before she can get away, though, the gloved fingers pinch her ears and haul her up, and she struggles a bit.)
Raven: If you're really so amazing, Mumbo, what do you need me for?
Mumbo: You're going to be my assistant for the big show tonight.
Raven: I'm not helping you with your stupid magic tricks.
Mumbo: Silly rabbit. You don't have a choice. (pulls Raven out) My hat, my rules!
(A lightning flash, and the scene has shifted to the exterior of a theater whose marquee shows Mumbo's name in five giant red letters as lights play across. It is nighttime. The facade is designed in such as way as to resemble a large top hat. Cut to a close-up of a caricature show poster at a different theater and pull back; a second handbill has been tacked up next to it. "Tonight and Every Night-The Amazing Mumbo." Next, we see the top hat set on the pinnacle of a third high structure, and the camera tilts down to show it as yet another theater. On the marquee are the words "The Amazing Mumbo", which the other four Titans eye as they pass, this place is still inside the top hat.)
Beast Boy: Boy, I knew Mumbo had a big head, but I never realized he had such a big hat.
(On the end of this line, the camera shifts to show more of the street; every building is a theater advertising the sleight-of-hand thief's performances.)
Cyborg: I'm not sure it's that big. This is the third time we've passed that theater. (All stop.)
Robin: We've got to find Raven. She could be anywhere.
Starfire: Oh, if only there were a sign.
(An o.c. light throws its glare over her; pull back behind the four to show the source, a colossal flashing sign that has sprung up over one set of doors: "Tonight Only-The Amazing Mumbo and His New Assistant Raven." The Titan's name is displayed in giant red letters.)
Cyborg: That'll do.
Robin: Titans! Go!
(Inside, the four race through the lobby and into the darkness of the auditorium. Up comes a spotlight that picks them out; as they look around, totally bewildered, the view dissolves to a longer shot. They are standing on a large, felt-covered table within the enormous pool of light; it looks very much like the sort of setup a stage magician might use. Each of the next four lines echoes a bit in the empty space.)
Raven: (from o.c.) Robin!
Starfire: The Mumbo has made you invisible?
Raven: (from o.c.) Up here!
(They look in her direction; tilt up to a hanging cage in which she has been placed. Dumbfounded stares all around.)
Beast Boy: Uh...why does that rabbit sound like Raven? (Starfire floats up to her.)
Raven: Because I am Raven.
Starfire: (with hearts in her eyes) Oh, you look so cute!
(She giggles, but only for a moment, the rabid growl from the white furry throat tells her that Raven is about to blow her top.)
Robin: We'll get you out of there.
(Starfire lifts one glowing finger, takes careful aim, and shoots a tiny starbolt at the cage. It pops the lock off the door and the captive dives for it, but Mumbo's voice stops her short.)
Mumbo: Sorry! No sneak previews! (reaches in for Raven) You'll have to wait for tonight's show like everyone else!
(She tries to dart back into the cage, but the hand drags her out and holds her over a top hat held by its mate. In a blink, Starfire is flying in to assist, but one giant little finger throws a bolt at her; tilt down to her feet as a large weight appears and chains itself to them. Gravity does its usual thing, and she crashes screaming through the table. The three un-anchored Titans look down into the hole as she starts to climb out.)
Robin: Give us our friend back!
Mumbo: Now you see her...
(Raven is put into the hat, a wand is produced and waved, and the hat is flipped over, nothing falls out.)
Mumbo: ...now you don't! (Wand tap.) Ta-da! Nothing in my hat. (Close-up of Cyborg.)
Cyborg: Let me get this straight.
(Pull back. Sight gag: all four, now in "Super Deformed" style, stand within a cutaway view of the hat, and a second, smaller one floats above with a sour-looking rabbit poking out of it; a stand-in for Raven.)
Cyborg: We're inside Mumbo's hat, and Raven's inside Mumbo's hat, inside Mumbo's hat?!?
(On the middle portion of this, zoom in briefly on the small hat, into which Raven disappears, then pull back for the end. Zoom in on him; the gag ends and he claps both hands to his head with a frustrated groan. New gag: after a moment, the circuit panel above his eye implant pops loose.)
Beast Boy: (from o.c.) Dude!
(Tilt down to frame him. Another gag: he staggers past, the top of his head gone and his brain bobbing on the end of a spring.)
Beast Boy: You're making my brain hurt!
(Both gags end. Cut to the floating hands and hat, which has now been set in the position it would occupy if there were a head nearby for it. Pull back on the start of the next line to frame the group watching this lot. This is Mumbo, disguised as a soft-spoken speaker (he is invisible).)
Mumbo: Just to prove there are no hard feelings for crashing my rehearsal... (produces smoke) ...I'll show you I am the bigger man.
(On the end of this, there is a flash and the hat, gloves, and wand vanish; the lights go out as well, leaving the background black, and the entire place starts to shake from a series of sudden tremors. In moments, the source moves into view; Mumbo himself, grown to giant size and carrying his hat in one hand. Once he has put it back on, smiling smugly down at the group, cut to a slow pan across them, which continues through the next line.)
Robin: The bigger they are... (Starfire lifts off.) ...the harder they fall! (Beast Boy becomes a pterodactyl and joins her.) Titans! Get that hat!
(Back to him and Cyborg; the Boy Wonder pulls out a grappling hook, fires it upward, and is hauled away. Cyborg is left alone, standing under a rapidly expanding shadow, which is cast by Mumbo's grasping hand; the palm slaps down flat on him, but a cannon blast forces it away.)
(The overgrown illusionist growls and rubs his injured hand as Beast Boy and Starfire swoop past. She gets in a teeth-rattling uppercut that launches him off his feet, and when he recovers, he finds Robin hanging from the hat's brim. The masked teen climbs up to it, pulls the hook loose, slashes at the cylindrical side, and is right away swept over the edge by a flock of crazed doves that pour out of the new rent. Starfire is there to keep him from meeting the floorboards at an excessive speed; now Beast Boy takes their place in the combat. Mumbo swipes all around himself, trying to swat the green flyer down. The claws latch into the hat's top surface and their owner starts flapping furiously, trying to pull the whole thing off the bald blue head. After a long effort, though, he falls in as if the top had disappeared entirely. What happens next is a truly unusual bit of behavior for any type of formalwear: the hat's entire crown extends, tilts forward, and fires Beast Boy as if it were a cannon.)
(The green Titan yells and returns to human form as he tumbles through the air. Behind the other three, back on the table, a large wheel and lovely assistant, with blue skin, a long nose, and a hat similar to Mumbo's, pop up in his path. He slams into the former, gets clamped down spreadeagle, and is given a vigorous spin by the latter, who immediately disappears in a puff of smoke. He has just been set up for the old knife-throwing carnival act. Close-up of the whirling surface, his face flashing by over and over with drool pouring from the distended mouth, then cut to Cyborg bent intently over the assembly. After a second, he faces forward.)
Cyborg: (bringing up his cannon) You may be living large, but this'll cut you down to size!
(He fires a string of shots that drives Mumbo backward, and backup promptly arrives in the form of Starfire's blazing hands. The gigantic magician drops backward off the edge of his stage with a yell; a crash and a few flying objects mark his encounter with the floor.)
Cyborg: (to Starfire) Even tiny, you pack a punch. (She giggles; Mumbo climbs up.)
Mumbo: Pesky powers! (points his wand at them) I know just the trick to take care of you!
(A flash, and one by one all but Beast Boy disappear. His wheel finally stops spinning and leaves him right side up.)
Beast Boy: Hey! (Mumbo leans over him.) What did you do with them?
(Cut to a close-up of the masked face, threateningly backlit from the overhead spot, and tilt down to frame the stilled wheel in front of him. The gloved hands conjure up three upside-down cups and shuffle them too fast to follow-the old shell game. As he briefly lifts first one and then another, we see each Titan underneath, trying desperately to jump clear and having no luck whatsoever. Extreme close-up of the wide green eyes, which flick back and forth in a hopeless attempt to follow the scramble, then cut to Mumbo. He keeps shifting cups at blinding speed during the first sentence of his next line.)
Mumbo: Tell you what I'm gonna do. (He stops and touches one cup.) Guess which Titan is under here, and I'll give you your little friend back.
Beast Boy: (sweating profusely) Um, Cyborg...no, Starfire...no, Robin!
Mumbo: You're only half right. (Close-up of the cup; he continues o.c.) Presto change-o!
(Up it comes, revealing Robin-who has been turned into a monkey, dressed in a miniature version of his usual tunic, cape, and belt, not to mention his mask.)
Robin: What the--?! (Pan a bit to the next cup.)
Mumbo: (from o.c.) Hocus-pocus!
(It is lifted clear, revealing a tiger cub in Starfire's outfit. She gasps in total shock; cut to an extreme close-up of Mumbo.)
(The third cup is lifted away to give a clear view of Cyborg, now a giant grizzly bear. His arms, head, and upper body are still adorned with circuitry and armor. He wears a pink tutu. As soon as he takes stock of himself, his eyes pop.)
Cyborg: (on the verge of tears) This is not happening!
Beast Boy: (to Mumbo) Oh, yeah? Well, whatcha gonna do to me? I already turn into animals!
(He gets a faceful of one very annoyed prestidigitator and a finger snap by his ear. Smoke puffs up around the wheel; when it clears, he has become a squeaking mouse. Back to human form, grinning at having bested Mumbo. Another snap and smoke, and he is a duck. Human form; snap; puppy, human form again. Now the madman backs up and rubs his chin in a moment's deep thought.)
Mumbo: Good point.
(Pan forward a bit, putting him out of view; he raises his glowing hands for a new spell.)
Mumbo: (from o.c.) Mumbo-jumbo!
(Beast Boy takes this one on the chin and has dropped from sight when the smoke clears. A camera shift reveals that he has been turned into an ornate green lamp; the other three Titans slide up for a bemused stare.)
Mumbo: (from o.c.) Well, Titanimals... (Cut to him.) ...let's see you try to stop me now. (leans down very close) On with the show!
(Laughing, he vanishes in a dense cloud of blue smoke, putting all the lights out, and one by one, the three hero critters are made to vanish as well. Their departure leaves the screen black.)
(Opening shot: a huge Mumbo wall painting, patterned after the Looney Tunes title card, a pattern of concentric circles, at whose center his grinning face is shown. The real McCoy strolls up, pushing a janitor's wheeled trash can; inside is a long-handled brush and a rolled-up poster. He stops to paste this up: "'Dress Rehearsal': A Show Down With the Show Man." Tossing the brush back into the can, he trundles away, only to be replaced by a second Mumbo even before he is off the screen. This one puts up a second poster over the first, revealing a sheet with the word "OR" taped to his back as he turns. The new display: "Take My Powers...Please." Mumbo 2 gets a dirty look from Mumbo 1 and is promptly chased out of the place.)
(The poster falls away; behind it, the scene has changed to an empty area. Cyborg's ursine silhouette shambles across the screen, followed by those of Starfire and Robin, and the animal sounds of all three are heard. Robin makes his way to the newly feline Titan and crunches down on something with a foot.)
Robin: Sorry, Star. I think I stepped on your foot.
Starfire: I believe it was my...tail.
(She pulls it out from beneath him on this last word; now Cyborg lumbers back.)
Cyborg: Yo, Lamp Boy! Turn on the light!
(He does so, the camera pulling back to frame all four fully exposed Titans, who look around the bare blackness that surrounds them.)
Cyborg: Aw, man, I can take losing a fight, but this is just mean!
(He pulls off his tutu and throws it away, but another one instantly replaces it.)
(Time after time, the pink tulle garment is yanked away only to pop back in at his waist. Pan to the others as the things go flying over their heads.)
Starfire: How was Mumbo able to change us into animals?
Robin: Mumbo's magic must be more powerful in here. Who knows what other tricks he's got up his sleeve? (thumps one forearm into the other palm; rear limbs likewise) We've got to find Raven and get out of here.
(Pull back. A mountain of dance garments has accumulated next to them; Cyborg pulls off one more, only to see it reappear, and growls in frustration.)
Cyborg: Wait 'til I get my claws on Mumbo! (He stops short.) Did I just say "claws"?
Starfire: (grunts and scratches her ear with her rear paw) Be thankful that you do not have the fleas.
(Zoom in on that patch of fur and dissolve to an extreme close-up of the skin. She does indeed have a bad case of the little pests, all of which look remarkably like Mumbo, down to the top hat. Pull back; Beast Boy changes into an old-style telephone and starts to ring. Cyborg answers.)
Beast Boy (as a telephone): Hel-lo? (Sparks fly from the receiver.) What have you got to complain about? I'm a lamp! (Cyborg holds him at a distance.) What's wrong with being an animal, anyway? At least you guys have legs. I can't even move! And do you have any idea how hot a light bulb ge--? (Cyborg hangs up on him.)
Cyborg: (smirking) Well, at least we finally found a way to shut him up.
(Beast Boy turns into an airhorn and lets off a bellowing blast that hurls him through the pile of tutus; he fetches up hard against a handy door in one corner. He sits up, at which point the camera moves in a circular track away it to frame the three animate Titans. They look toward the camera, behind which the door is now situated, as tutus rain down everywhere, and Starfire carries Beast Boy up, he is now a lamp again.)
Cyborg: Where did that come from?
Starfire: Where does it lead?
Robin: Probably into another of Mumbo's tricks, (moving forward) but it's better than stumbling around in the dark.
(Extreme close-up of the door, which opens to admit him; we are now on its other side. Pull back quickly and dissolve to the street outside the string of Mumbo theaters. The foursome walk/are carried out.)
Starfire: We are back where we started!
Cyborg: And I'm still wearing a tutu!
(Beast Boy turns himself into an antique telephone booth whose instrument promptly starts to ring once Starfire has set him down. After the others trade a few uncertain glances, Cyborg takes a big step backward, not wanting to hear the shape-shifter's latest tirade. Robin and Starfire play a quick game of rock-paper-scissors, which the Monkey Wonder loses, paper to scissors. Grimacing mightily, he climbs up to the phone and answers.)
Beast Boy (as a telephone): So what does the Great Bluedini want with Raven, anyway? (Sirens are heard.)
Robin: No idea. (leans out of the booth) But right now, we've got bigger things to worry about.
(A white paddy wagon rolls up and skids crazily to a stop; the back doors open, and out come several large white gloves, walking on their fingers. Cut to an overhead shot of the strange quartet and pull back as the hand coverings steadily close in on them. A scream from Beast Boy's receiver.)
Beast Boy (as a telephone): Killer gloves!
Robin: I'm gonna have to put you on hold.
(He drops the phone and bolts. Going up for a mighty leap, he pulls a weapon from his belt and flings it ahead. It whistles through the air, but soon slows down, revealing itself as not a birdarang or disc or grenade, but a banana. Mumbo's spell has affected his weaponry as well as his physical form. The fruit splatters to the sidewalk in front of the gloves, leaving its peel laid out; they pay no mind, but close into fists and charge in. Robin is smashed far down the street, hurtling past Starfire, who braces for a go with a couple of other giant sets of fingers. An attempt to fly gets her nowhere fast, so she warms up for a starbolt, but the green glow fizzles out and she begins to retch uncontrollably. What issues from her throat is a shining hairball that floats lazily toward the gloves; one flicks it away without trouble.)
Starfire: I cannot fly! And my starbolts are...furry! (Pull back; Cyborg comes up beside her.)
Cyborg: (holding up his right foreleg) At least Mumbo left me with my sonic cannon!
(On the end of this line, pan ahead slightly as he readies it. However, it gives forth only a pathetic little beam and ejects a rod from which a "BANG!" flag unfurls; the classic trick-gun gag has caught one very nonplussed victim.)
Cyborg: "BANG!"? (His eyes pop.) Oh, dang.
(He gets tackled and driven into Beast Boy, almost knocking him over.)
Beast Boy (as a telephone): Hey! Let me help! I can crank-call 'em!
(Pull back down the street as a lot of reinforcements arrive, then cut to the scene.)
Starfire: How are we to stop them? (Zoom in on Robin.)
Robin: We fight hand to hand.
(Dissolve to a close-up of Raven. Her hood is down for the first time since she was turned into a rabbit, and we can now see that she still wears a gem on her forehead. Pull back as she speaks, showing that she has been stripped of her "usual" clothing and buckled into a straitjacket. She is also sitting in a new cage.)
Raven: Azarath Metrion Zinthos! (Her spell fizzles out.)
Mumbo: (from o.c., softly) Psst! (Pan to him, producing his wand.) Try "Abracadabra."
Raven: (disbelieving) Abracadabra.
(Much to her surprise, her gem glows brightly and spews forth a mass of flowers that quickly buoy her to the top of the cage. She stops them only by putting the end of one ear over the dazzling spot to put it out. Pull back as Mumbo plucks one of the blooms; he promptly squirts a huge jet of water from it, hosing out all the others, and laughs himself silly at this joke.)
Mumbo: That gag never gets old! (Raven splutters; he holds a hand out to her.) Here. (produces/pulls away a handkerchief from his palm) A peace offering.
(Under the cloth is a small yellow bird. Raven is not impressed.)
Raven: You pulled that out of your sleeve.
Mumbo: (puts it under his hat) Must you over-analyze everything? (rips off his jacket/shirt sleeves) Why can't you just sit back and enjoy the show?
(He brings up two more birds in his hands and lets them flutter away. Cut to Raven and zoom in slowly as she speaks.)
Raven: Because it isn't real. Your act, this hat, it's all smoke and mirrors. You probably just hypnotized me into thinking I'm a rabbit. And when I get home, my nose'll twitch every time a bell rings. (The torn sleeves repair themselves.)
Mumbo: Hmm. That would be an interesting trick, but no.
Raven: As soon as I figure out how you're creating this illusion, your "powers" will be gone.
Mumbo: Knowing how the tricks work doesn't make them any less real. If you look like a rabbit and hop like a rabbit, then guess what, kid? (reaches to her) You're really a rabbit.
(On "look like a rabbit," Mumbo puts his forefingers up by his eyes and twitches them like bunny ears; on "hop like a rabbit," he holds one hand, first two fingers downward, and hops them along his other palm. After finishing the line, cut to a close-up of Raven's face; he pulls out one of her whiskers.)
Raven: Ow! (Cut to Mumbo, holding it up; zoom in slowly.)
Mumbo: (menacingly) For real.
(Dissolve to a close-up of Starfire; her back is to the camera, but an instant she turns and leaps. Pull back to show her tackling one of the giant gloves. They barrel down the street, and she gets it pinned with an arched, back yowl as another one strolls up. Casually, it balls into a fist and opens its fingers again to reveal a ball of yarn in the palm; this rolls along the pavement, and Starfire promptly gives up her worrying of the big white aggressor to chase it joyfully. She scampers back and forth, playing the yarn from different angles, and does not notice the squad of gloves that is now marching up behind her. When their shadows have enveloped her, she remembers herself and lets off one startled screech before setting off in a two-legged run.)
Starfire: I DO NOT LIKE BEING A CAT IN THIS HAT!
(Cyborg, meanwhile, is faring no better; he has been caught up in a set of cotton fingers and is struggling vainly to break out. The thumb comes down to squash him, but he gets both bionic forelegs free and stops it; only for a moment, though, as it flicks him away. Elsewhere, Beast Boy has resumed lamp form and is being tossed back and forth by several gloves in a circle. After one catch, he becomes a megaphone.)
Beast Boy (as a megaphone): Guys, I could use a hand here!
(As he sails overhead, the spectator gloves pair up and start clapping-not the hand he had in mind, clearly. Starfire has had her tail pinned under a huge thumb and cannot get it loose, and Robin is being chased by a balled fist. The Tamaranean tiger is suddenly released and goes flying ahead toward the paddy wagon's open back doors. Everyone else is thrown in after her, Beast Boy in lamp form; cut to within the vehicle as Cyborg crashes to the floorboards.)
Cyborg: We're trapped in a hat, being manhandled by gloves! What next?
(The doors close, cutting off the outside light. Cut to a fortune-teller machine sculpted in Mumbo's likeness; it speaks with his voice, but has a gypsy accent.)
Machine: What next, you say? (Pull back; it is in the wagon with them and bears his name.) I see a future for you in showbiz, a bright but very short future. Mumbo-jumbo!
(Smoke boils up to fill the screen; when it clears, the device is gone, and one by one, the puzzled Titans evaporate likewise. Cut to the backstage area of one of the theaters. Raven, properly clothed, watches from her cage as a giant playing card wheels a wardrobe rack across. The assistant who spun Beast Boy's wheel in Act One walks through while two big stagehands carry a large sign: "The Show Stopper-Mumbo the Musical." They set it down for a moment; it topples forward to slam flat on the floor, and behind them a small "OR" sign has appeared. When they pick it up again, it has changed to show black-and-white caricatures of the Titans' changed heads and the words "The Titans' Number Is Up." This is carried away as another card hustles through with a box of props; behind them all, the "OR" sign has now gone.)
(Three gloves walk up, each carrying one of the other three animal Titans in its hand opening. Raven is set next to them, cage and all, and Beast Boy is placed next to her. Mumbo re-materializes in front of the group.)
Mumbo: You know what they say: if you can't beat Mumbo... (His head swells greatly.) ...join Mumbo!
(The focus shifts to a gangling, puppet-like Mumbo clone who lopes across in front of the group, clipboard in hand. This is the stage manager.)
Stage manager: Two minutes to showtime, Mr. Aamzing! (He ducks o.c., then back.) You're great. I love you.
(The swollen head bulges even more, like an overinflated float balloon, and explodes in a shower of confetti.)
Robin: We're not going to be a part of your show! (His deflating head settles itself in place.)
Mumbo: Oh, I think you will. What I have planned for you makes me so happy, I feel like singing!
(Pan away from him to another clone, this one dressed like Liberace and seated at a gaudy piano on which a candelabra has been set. From here on in, all the people we meet in this theater will bear resemblance to him in various ways, all having the blue skin tone in common.)
Mumbo: (from o.c.) Maestro?
(An arpeggio run is played for openers; cut to a close-up of Mumbo's foot, tapping out a brisk tempo.)
Mumbo: (from o.c.) Five, six, seven, eight!
(Pull back and rotate away from him; the Titans charge toward his spotlight as the music starts. A lift of his hand freezes them in midair.)
Mumbo: (pinches Robin's cheek) Don't bother getting up, you're in my control. (passes the Titans) No way for you to fuss and fight. (He produces a deck of cards, fans in one hand, and turns them to show the Titans' images.) I've taken all your powers, so lucky you! (The cards spray out, forming a circular wall in which the five are dropped.) You will be in my show tonight.
(The cards advance, each holding up a garment. Cyborg now appears in a yellow dress, Starfire in a leopard-spotted top and shorts, Beast Boy in giant clown shoes with a set of Grouch Marx glasses stuck on his shade, and Raven, horrified, in a pink leotard with a shooting star on the chest. Zoom in behind her; Robin runs for dear life in order to keep his own clothing.)
Mumbo: You think you can defeat me? Oh, how very droll!
(Robin is stopped by Anycard, whose frowning face is up and glaring at him. A powder-blue tuxedo jacket is slapped onto the little brown primate, and a glove picks him up and deposits him in a chair by a dressing room mirror.)
Mumbo: Well, Titans, one thing you should know... (The others are dumped in with him, and the glove prepares a powder puff.) I am the one with magic powers 'round here. (It is applied copiously.) I am the one who runs the show! (Pink clouds fill the air, thrown up by the puff; when they clear, Mumbo stands alone at another mirror, sprucing himself up.)
Mumbo: I am the master of ceremonies. (He ducks out.)
Reflection: (climbs through the mirror) So let me set you straight.
(The interior lights up to match the outline of his hat; now this is Mumbo.)
Mumbo: (removes his hat and waves his wand) With just a wave of my magic wand, I'm master of your fate!
(Pull back. The dark area around him is instantly lit with a brilliant stage display topped by these last four words in giant letters. Snap to black, then to him under a spotlight; he plays his nose like a snake charmer's flute, and the top of his hat flips open. Out comes a six-armed Mumbo, who gyrates in rhythm throughout the rest of this short break.)
Six-armed Mumbo: With just some hocus-pocus and sleight of hand, (All six gloves scuttle forward; next the Titans' new outfits are thrown down.) You all are under my command. (Pull back; they find themselves hemmed in by many giant gloves, and he leans over them.)
Mumbo: Put them in their cages! Keep them all apart!
(The white hands fall in on the team; dissolve to near the fracas as the stage manager lopes in.)
Stage manager: Places, everybody! The show's about to start!
(Off he goes. The dust clears to show each Titan in a separate cage; they are carried off in different directions as a chorus line of gloves dances across. Two float above, working their curled thumbs like mouths.)
Chorus: He is the master of ceremonies, (Dissolve to an overhead view of several dancing in a tight circle.) So let him set you straight. (Dissolve to Mumbo on one of them; he is carried spinning upward toward the camera.) With just a wave of his magic wand, He's master of your fate!
(The flash of a spell changes the view to that of a company of cards and gloves hustling about. One floats forth.)
Glove: Master of your fate!
(The cards start to build a house out of themselves as a big fat shirtless fellow runs up; his chest is painted to match Mumbo's face, and he wears a huge top hat over his head and shoulders.)
Big-hat man: Master of your fate!
(Off he goes. The towering structure puts on its finishing touches as Anycard runs up grinning.)
Anycard: Master of your fate!
(He hurries along the staircase that has assembled in front, ascending past the topmost towers and on into the dark upper reaches. Mumbo is near the top end, standing under a lone pin spot, and the giant jack tumbles over the last step. The tempo shifts to half-time, but steadily speeds up until it is back to normal; he kick-steps his way to the top as fireworks burst around him.)
Mumbo: Now for the greatest grand finale and the reason why you're here...
(On the end of this, he goes off the end and winds up standing on a convenient patch of floor. His voice works its way up to an impossibly high falsetto, and his head stretches upward on his neck to match. It rises past the clouds, passing a blue-skinned moon and reaching a similar astronaut, before dropping back.)
Mumbo: Tonight, I will make the Titans... (leans in for an extreme close-up) ...disappear!
(Everything but his broad grin fades to black, after the fashion of the Cheshire Cat.)
Mumbo: (whispers) Forever.
(Snap to black.)
(Opening shot: spotlight beams roving across the black screen. Tilt down to a long shot of the street of theaters, then dissolve to the orchestra pit of the one in which Mumbo is about go on. The musicians start into a light overture as he steps to the center-stage spotlight, carrying a briefcase, and applause thunders throughout the house. Clearing his throat, he releases a catch on the case; four long legs flip down, converting it into a table, and a sign marked "The Grand Finale" is in front. Next, he opens the lid and conjures up a blast of smoke and confetti, which clears to show the display properly set on the stage. Tilt up slightly to show a second Mumbo image higher up; this one holds up a case marked "-Or- Can the Titanimals Bring Down the Hat." Pull back; the second case opens, and both Mumbos disappear in a sudden pyrotechnic flourish and elicit a standing ovation. However, two old fellows in a box seat are rather less than enthused. One has a huge nose, the other a very wide mouth, and they act very much like Statler and Waldorf, the two balcony hecklers on The Muppet Show.)
Big-nose: What do you get when you cross a magician with a camera?
(He taps Big-nose's head with his wand. The word "Magic" appears in a smoke cloud around it; when this clears, an old-style camera sits atop his neck and the disgruntled face can be seen in its lens. Wide-mouth laughs broadly at his stunt; onstage, Mumbo steps up as a microphone is lowered from the ceiling and the audience falls silent.)
Mumbo: (with a bit of feedback) Ladies and gentlemen! (Cut to the crowd; he continues o.c.) Mumbos of all ages! (Back to him.) We have a really great show for you tonight!
(Tilt down through the stage to a storage area beneath it. The Titans have been stowed here and are still locked in their cages; none is in particularly high spirits.)
Robin: We have to stop the show before the finale, or else it's curtains for us. (Pan to Starfire.)
Starfire: (scratches at her ear) Perhaps if we work together, we can find a way to defeat him.
Raven: Mumbo's taken our powers. He's turned us into furry creatures and a lamp. (Cut to Beast Boy on the end of this, then back to her.) How can we defeat him when he's holding all the cards?
Robin: Powers or no powers, we're still the Titans. What we've gotta do is--
(The sound of applause brings him up short; pan to Cyborg.)
Cyborg: (uneasily) The show is starting! (Tilt up to a trapdoor, which opens.)
Mumbo: (heard from the stage above) Now put your hands together... (moves into view; Russian accent) ...for Borgie, the Magnificent Dancing CyBear!
(A rope with a hook on its end is lowered through the opening on the end of this; back to Cyborg.)
Cyborg: (really scared) And I'm the opening act!
(He is snagged and hoisted up to the stage, and the bars of his cage are lifted away to free him.)
Voice 2: Nice tutu, jerk! (Close-up of Cyborg; pan to Mumbo in the wings on the next line.)
Mumbo: (British accent) Care to dance?
Cyborg: (moving toward him) All I care about is kicking your--
(He rears up with a growl, but a wave of the wand sets his toes tapping in a jig; he tries to hold his legs still, but in vain.)
Cyborg: Yo! Cut that out!
(He is absolutely not enjoying himself, and the high leaping pirouette he is forced into does nothing to improve his mood. The crowd eats it up, including a baby Mumbo in full formal attire, held in his mother's arms. A poof puts the dancing bear in traditional Russian clothing and sends him into one of that country's old folk dances. Tilt down to Starfire and Raven.)
Starfire: We could sneak up behind the Mumbo and--?
(Cut to Beast Boy, who has become a stock ticker and is busily printing out a message. Robin collects the tape.)
Robin: (reading) "Mumbo's got eyes in the back of his hat." Beast Boy's right.
(The green device prints out "THANK YOU" as the little brown Titan is dragged up.)
(Cyborg is lowered, back in his cage and exhausted, and she gathers up Beast Boy's output.)
Starfire: (reading) "What happened?" (Pan to Cyborg.)
Cyborg: He made me do a jig.
(She gasps, loudly and sharply, and her cat's eyes look as if they might pop loose.)
Starfire: That madman must be stopped!...Please, what is a jig?
(Cut to Robin, free of his cage onstage, and pull back as Mumbo steps up.)
Mumbo: And now, for the comedy portion of our show!
Robin: (pulling two bananas from his belt) We'll see who's laughing now!
(He squeezes the fruits hard enough to pop them out of their peels and into Mumbo's eyes. The headliner yells in pain and growls as Robin jumps around screeching and the audience applauds. Bananas fall away, a puff of smoke, and an organ grinder's box has appeared in front of Mumbo; as soon as he turns the crank, a pair of cymbals materializes in Robin's hands. Instantly, the clapping turns to a chorus of boos, and a barrage of rotten produce is hurled at the little guy to send him fleeing for the wings. One spectator is even served with a tray of food by a butler; he selects a whole roast chicken and Robin promptly gets beaned with it.)
(He looks up, voices an alarmed screech, and runs back just before a sandbag crashes onto the stage. As he races along, increasingly massive objects come down, just barely missing him: Liberace Mumbo's piano, the white paddy wagon that hauled the Titans away in Act Two, a bus, and finally, an entire ocean liner. The lot disappears in a shower of sparks; cut to the under-stage area as dust sifts down from the impacts above. Robin is returned in his cage.)
Robin: Any ideas?
Cyborg: Still working on it.
(The hook catches Starfire next. Onstage, she perches atop a stool next to Mumbo and is heartily applauded. Taking his hat off and handing it away, he pries her mouth open and proceeds to stuff his entire head inside, as if he were a lion tamer in the circus. She flails her legs everywhere with a muffled cry of panic; a fat woman in the audience gasps and faints, and Mumbo dives bodily into the baby tiger's jaws. In close-up, she is definitely having trouble keeping this sudden gigantic meal down; pull back to reveal that her stool has disappeared and she is now sitting on the back of Mumbo, who is on all fours.)
(Cut to a close-up of an old, hand-cranked green victrola. The needle is set on the record; pull back to show it in Beast Boy's cage.)
Beast Boy (as a victrola): I got it!
Cyborg: It can't involve driving a tank or unleashing magician-eating sharks. (Robin cranks up.)
Beast Boy (as a victrola): I don't got it.
(The trapdoor flips open once more and Starfire is returned to the holding area; Beast Boy has resumed lamp form, but he becomes a "HELP!" flag as he is lifted away. Onstage, spotlights play across Mumbo, who is doing the classic plate-spinning act, saucers balanced on the ends of vertical poles. He has one in each hand, a third on a raised foot, and a fourth on the end of his nose. The plate on this last one is green, marking Beast Boy's part in all this. First to topple is the foot plate, followed by the left hand and then the right. Close-up of the suddenly worried magician, then tilt up to the porcelain Titan as he starts to wobble on the end of his stick, then cut to beneath the stage.)
Robin: Four acts down, one to go. We don't have much time before the finale.
Starfire: Raven, you are the Mumbo's assistant. Surely, you must know some of his secrets.
Raven: He never told me anything.
(Beast Boy, again a lamp, is sent down and Raven is pulled up.)
Robin: Come on, Titans, think!
(Extreme close-up of Raven's stony face, then pull back. She has been set on a table and is standing within a small box just big enough to hold her; its front is open, in three sections, and a hole has been cut for her face. The "lovely" assistant closes it up, framing Raven's head on a bunny figure painted in, and Mumbo approaches.)
Mumbo: As you can see, there is no way out.
(The box is rotated to put its back to him, then turned to face front again. Out comes the wand for a twirl; he uses it to produce a large cloth, which he drapes over Raven and immediately pulls away. The box now sits in three separate pieces.)
Mumbo: My assistant seems to have worried her head off.
(His own melon falls on the table; as the audience laughs itself silly, his hands fumble across and latch onto the section containing her head. This is set in place on the blue neck and given a wand tap, whereupon her head disappears into his cape and his own reappears. Now all three sections are back on the table, and he takes a bow before the curtain comes down. The house has fallen silent, but soon erupts in wild cheering and a standing ovation.)
(Cut to behind the curtain; Mumbo walks away, removing his hat, as the stagehands carry Raven's table off. He pulls her out, back in one piece, and brings her to the cage on the next line.)
Raven: What is the point of putting me back together when you're just gonna finish me off?
Mumbo: Oh, I need you in one piece for the finale.
(He puts her in; cut to his dressing room. Two giant cards scurry up with makeup powder puffs, and he removes his cape, which is taken by a glove, and sits down. The cards go to work as the stage manager runs in and more activity ensues.)
Stage manager: People, hurry! The finale's up next and we're on in five!
(He ducks away. Cut to the ceiling of the under-stage room and tilt down to the very despondent Cyborg.)
Cyborg: You heard the man. Five minutes 'til poof! (Beast Boy is now a telephone.)
Robin: There's got to be something we're not seeing. (Ring; he answers.)
Beast Boy (as a telephone): Maybe all of this is more of Mumbo's mumbo-jumbo. (Cut to Starfire; he continues o.c.) Just a big trick.
Starfire: It all seems awfully real to me.
Raven: (from o.c.) Starfire's right. (Pan to her.) Whatever happens in here is real, even if it is a trick.
(Her hooded eyes go very wide for a moment: she has had a giant brainstorm, and a wicked smile stretches the bucktoothed mouth. Zoom in slowly.)
Raven: But that doesn't mean we can't perform an even bigger trick!
(Pan slightly to put Robin in view; several paint cans are scattered behind him.)
Raven: Robin! (Close-up of Robin; she continues o.c.) Can your tail reach those cans of paint? (He looks at them and grins.)
(Back to her; pull back to frame Beast Boy, who is again a lamp.)
Raven: Beast Boy! (Close-up of her.) Can you be a paintbrush?
(The sound of an o.c. transformation answers that one. Cut to a catwalk, where a stagehand is adjusting a spotlight, then to a long shot of the stage over which is beam is roving. Cheering and a storm of tossed top hats greet the master illusionist's emergence; he kisses his fingertips loudly in appreciation.)
Mumbo: Thank you, thank you. You've been a great audience. (The applause dies off.) And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the grand finale! My greatest trick ever!
(He throws a cue to the orchestra, whose timpani player stars a drum roll.)
Mumbo: I present to you, for the last time anywhere... (Curtain up.) ...the Teen Titans!
(He backs o.c., revealing five trapdoors set in the planks behind him. These swing open as one, and up come the Titans' cages, but they are not immediately in sight. Cut to the crowd, which gasps, then to him, then to his perspective of the cages and zoom in. What we suspected is the truth: every single cage stands idle and empty. The patrons boo this disappointment with great gusto; pull back as the dumbfounded Mumbo leans into view and stares toward the camera. Pan back and forth across the unoccupied cages, his perspective again.)
Mumbo from audience: I want my money back!
Mumbo: I-I don't understand.
(Cut to just behind the row. Now the Titans are seen, penned in as before and staring right at him.)
Mumbo: They were just here a second ago!
(He leans down to Raven, and the camera slowly circles around to the front. As it moves, when she is seen from the side, only the rear half of her body is visible. The bars of the cage do not quite match up during the shift, but this sorts itself out when the circling stops. Cut to inside the cage; he opens the door and peers in, filling the screen with his face, and we again see his perspective as the camera zooms in slowly. Now her outline can be seen, and the impossible disappearance is explained as the bars shift again; she and the others have painted themselves to exactly match the background and thus keep from being seen. Raven's eyes are closed, but she opens them to stare him down.)
Raven: (lifting one foot) Alakazam!
(It pistons into his face; cut to him, staring into his hat, as her own, gray, blue-booted foot shoots out and smashes him away. We are back in the lobby of the bank he was robbing in the prologue, and he and the hat hit the ground well apart from each other. A shower of cash erupts from it, accompanied by a vortex that deposits all five Titans, in their proper forms, by the vault.)
Cyborg: All right! I'm back, with a vengeance!
(Mumbo lets off a nervous little squeal, brings his hat to his hand, and runs for the door. Robin casually pulls out a birdarang, smiling at the fact that he is no longer packing bananas, and whips it across the lobby. The throw cuts the robber's legs out from under him before he can get out; two prison guards are there to meet him.)
Beast Boy: Yes! You have no bananas!
(The foiled felon looks into the hat, from which wild applause can be heard. Cut to just behind him and zoom in on the opening slightly; it shows an overhead view of the theater, every one of whose patrons is up for a last standing ovation. Close-up of the two box-seat fellows; Big-nose's head is back to normal.)
Big-nose: That was the greatest trick ever!
Wide-mouth: Hey, it was old hat.
(Both laugh. Back to the bank lobby; Mumbo is caught by surprise when Raven's powers pull the hat from his hand and place it in hers.)
Raven: We're gonna make sure you don't have any encore performances. (He tries to get at her; the guards stop him.)
Mumbo: But...but...my magic! How did you escape?
Raven: I had a better trick up my sleeve.
Mumbo: I gotta know. Come on, kid, just between us. Tell me what you did.
Raven: A magician never reveals her secrets.
(A twirl of the hat puts it on her head, and she tips a wink and half-smile to the camera. Cut to Mumbo, whose face falls at not having been let in on the trick, and "iris out" to black. His nose gets stuck in the contracting circle for a moment before it is pulled through.)