This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Bossy Boots" from season two, which aired on October 26, 2000.
[At the Krusty Krab, Squidward is at the ordering boat and SpongeBob looking out from the ordering window. Mr. Krabs' voice sounds on the P.A]
Mr. Krabs: Attention! Attention! All Krusty Krew employees, attention! [Mr. Krabs is standing next to them, speaking into a megaphone] Get the anchors out of your pants and report to me office! [pause] That will be all. [Squidward and SpongeBob follow Mr. Krabs into his office and sit down] I have an important announcement to make. SpongeBob: Woo! Hooray! [SpongeBob jumps up on top of the chair and twirls it around] The new spatulas are here!
Mr. Krabs: Sit down boy there is no new spatulas.
[SpongeBob sits back down]
Squidward: [sarcastically] How disappointing.
Mr. Krabs: You may know me daughter Pearl. She's growing up fast. [he looks at a picture of Pearl and Mr. Krabs in swim attire jumping up from the water] It seems like it was just yesterday I was teaching her how to breach. Me mammalian angel. Oh… [puts the picture back on the wall] Anyway, uh, so she's going to be working here during her summer vacation. She's got a lot of fresh ideas to bring in some hungry customers! [a bell rings]
Pearl: [off-screen] Hello? Daddy?
Mr. Krabs: Thar she blows! [Mr. Krabs leaves the room]
Squidward: SpongeBob, do you realize what this means?
SpongeBob: No new spatulas?
Squidward: No! It means some bratty teenager's coming in here to tell us what to do. We can't have that! We have seniority, right?
SpongeBob: Right! [SpongeBob and Squidward shake hands]
Squidward: So, we'll work together to protect our pathetic positions.
SpongeBob: Okey-dokey, Squidward. And then we'll get those new spatulas!
Mr. Krabs: [Mr. Krabs head pokes into the office] All right, men. [SpongeBob and Squidward walk out of the office] Say hello to me Pearl.
SpongeBob: Hello, pole. [SpongeBob hugs one of the giant pillars]
Pearl: [holding a box] Hi guys.
Mr. Krabs: It makes me jolly as a roger to have you finally aboard the family business!
Pearl: Great dad, because I have so many new ideas.
Mr. Krabs: [Mr. Krabs sniffs the air and his eyes conjoin to make a dollar sign shape] I can smell the money already! I'll be in me office if you need me! [walks off]
SpongeBob: What's in the box?
Pearl: It's a surprise. SpongeBob: I like surprises.
Pearl: Great, then close your eyes.
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob covers his eyes with his hands] I'm ready! [Pearl puts the box's open end over SpongeBob]
Squidward: Well, I like it so far.
Pearl: [Pearl lifts up the box] Ta-da. [Squidward gasps. The body suit is pink with purple flowers and on the top are two K's being held up by springs] It's the new Krusty Krew uniform. I designed it myself. [Pearl hands SpongeBob a mirror]
Squidward: OK, this is it, SpongeBob. Now tell her how you really feel about that uniform.
SpongeBob: OK, Squidward. [he winks to him] Pearl… this is the greatest uniform ever! Squidward: Fishpaste.
Pearl: Oh SpongeBob, you look so adorable. I could just eat you up.
SpongeBob: Sorry Pearl, but this item's not on the menu! [giggles]
Squidward: Well, I didn't think it was possible SpongeBob, but you look even more ridiculous than usual.
Pearl: Don't feel jealous, Uncle Squiddy. I made one for you too. [she holds up his uniform]
Squidward: Don't bother, only a fool would wear that.
Mr. Krabs: [Mr. Krabs bursts out of his office, wearing the uniform] Avast, ye shipmates! Don't these just shiver your timbers? [laughs, then shuts the door. Krabs peeks his head out] Get that suit on, sailor. It's already been paid for.
Squidward: [with the uniform on. The two springs give and the K's fall over Squid's eyes] Rage. Fury. Irritation. Humiliation. Pearl: Squidward is such a barnacle.
SpongeBob: A stick in the sand.
Pearl: But not you, SpongeBob. You are full of style.
SpongeBob: Me? Really?
Pearl: Totally, S.B. You ooze fashion. And I've got some completely coral concepts for this old joint, and I'm going to need someone with your kind of talent to help me.
SpongeBob: Well, I have been trying to get Mr. Krabs to make a few changes around here. [he looks at a picture he drew of Mr. Krabs, himself and Squidward with mustaches]
Pearl: Why, with my girlish instincts and your um… sponginess, [cut to a view of the Krusty Krab as a deserted place, where a skeleton is sitting at a table] we'll turn this worn-out lunch wagon into a teenage paradise.
Pearl: [cut to Pearl with a notepad, thinking] SpongeBob, what do you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?
Squidward: [Squidward runs over] For what, dare I ask?
Pearl: Our new name for our new look. I mean, "The Krusty Krab" has got to go. Who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? Bleh! [she points the pencil towards her open mouth, to show disgust]
Squidward: Well, sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place. Therefore, the name should be left alone. Right, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I got it! How about The Khaotic Krab?
Pearl: Hmm… how about The Kissy Krab? [puckers up lips and makes kissing noises] SpongeBob: [SpongeBob is now in royal attire] The King Krab? Pearl: [Pearl holds up a lollipop, which bears an odd resemblance to her father] The Kandy Krab!
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob is now dressed as a jazzy beatnik] The Kool Krab. [now, he's a cowboy riding a stick horsy] Or the Kowboy Krab! [now, he's totally stretched out] The Kurly Krab. [now, he's like a mad scientist holding a brain with Mr. Krabs-like arms coming from it] The Kreepy Krab. [now he's a crazy killer jungle man with a loincloth] THE KILLER KRAB!
Pearl: [freaked out] Aaah! No!
SpongeBob: You're right, too scary. [they both think and finally get the name and hug]
SpongeBob & Pearl: The Kuddly Krab! [a rainbow of colors fills the screen. Pearl, SpongeBob and an anguished Squidward stand outside the new restaurant. The sign for the restaurant is now a heart and a cutesy robot Krabs is waving his arms atop it. The restaurant outside itself is tie-dyed with colors and rainbows and the flags are now hearts. Balloons are hanging from the roof and giant lollipops come from the chimney. Pearl and SpongeBob, giggling, walk back in the restaurant. Squid is so mad that the two K's on his uniform catch on fire and he shakes the pole. Millie and Fred drive by in a car]
Millie: It's a shame old man Krabs sold the Krusty Krab.
Fred: That's a darn shame. Hey, lady! Do you know where we can get something to eat around here?
Squidward: That's it! I quit! [he rips off his uniform, revealing nothing under it. A police whistle is blown and a cop comes over. He writes him a ticket and places it between his legs. Inside the restaurant, it's a total makeover, like Pearl said before, it's a teenage paradise]
Shelia: Finally! A cool place for teens to just, you know, hang out! [Pearl and SpongeBob marvel at their makeover]
SpongeBob: Pearl, you're a genius. All these young, hip new customers. Fooey on Squidward. He can't keep up with the times. You're a true visionary, Pearl.
Pearl: Thank you, SpongeBob. I do have 20/20 vision. [blinks bashfully]
SpongeBob: Well, hip people have to eat too. Back to the grill. [SpongeBob is in the kitchen at the grill] The customers may be hot but my grill is hotter. [he pushes his spatula on the grill and imitates a sizzle]
Pearl: [Pearl is in the ordering window to hand SpongeBob an order] SpongeBob, order up! SpongeBob: Two… sal-ads. Never heard of it. I got to stay hip. I don't want to end up like silly old Squidward. But what in the name of Davy Jones' locker is a [pronounces it wrong] sal-lad? [cut to SpongeBob walking up to Pearl with a tray with two Krabby Patties] Here you go. Two sa-lads.
Pearl: Ew, gross. Those aren't salads. Take those back. Remove the bun, the patty and the condiments.
SpongeBob: But that just leaves the lettuce and the tomato.
SpongeBob: All right. [walks back to the kitchen and sadly removes the buns] OK, no buns. That's hip. [removes the patty] No patties, happenin.' [crushed] Oh yeah, that's definitely the coolest meal I've ever saw.
Nazz: This is so cool!
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob walks over with a tray of sal-lads to Nazz and Nancy at a table, who are talking] Two salads. [he drops the tray on the table and walks back to the kitchen] That was awful. I hope I never have to tear apart a perfectly good Krabby Patty ever again. I don't think my heart can take it. [he screams, noticing the grill is gone] Where's the grill? Pearl: Come on SpongeBob, you're a hip guy. You know that fried foods are O-U-T, out! SpongeBob: Uh… right on.
Pearl: Check out this new menu I came up with. [SpongeBob takes the menu]
SpongeBob: [reading it] Salad and tea. But where are the Krabby Patties?
Pearl: Silly, those aren't hip. And you won't be needing that thing anymore. [takes the spatula from SpongeBob. He starts to stutter] I've got something more fun for you to do anyway. [cut to SpongeBob outside the restaurant in a crab suit, waving at cars. One car with Gus stops]
Gus: Hey buddy, you need a ride? I was just on my way to the big doofus convention! [laughs and drives off]
SpongeBob: This is humiliating. I'm a fry cook, darn it! You can take away my spatula, but when you take away my dignity, that's when I get mad! I'm going to march right up to Mr. Krabs' office and tell him this is just too much! [he walks toward the restaurant, but gravity gets the best of him and he falls over. He struggles to get up and starts to whimper. Cut to Sponge at Mr. Krabs' door, outside the costume] OK SpongeBob, you can do this. Come on… [he knocks on the door and peeks in] Mr. Krabs, can I talk to you? [Mr. Krabs' office is just as elaborately decorated as the rest of the restaurant]
Mr. Krabs: Come on in, me boy! Have a seat . SpongeBob: Thanks, Mr. Krabs. [he sits down in a bear bean bag chair, but starts to sink inside it]
Mr. Krabs: Don't you just love me new office? Pearly designed it for me.
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob has sunk in, now you can only see his eye] Mr. Krabs, um, I think we have a problem.
Mr. Krabs: Isn't that the neatest $40 chair you ever sat in?
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob has totally sunk into the chair and he sticks out his hand] Sure Mr. Krabs, but I've got some bad news.
Mr. Krabs: How about my cuddly executive buddy? [picks up a blue stress-relief doll] Reduces stress for only five easy payments of $9.95. [Krabs squeezes it and its eyes, nose and ears pop out]
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob pops out of the chair] Mr. Krabs, Pearl is ruining the Krusty Krab! [he covers his mouth]
Mr. Krabs: What?! Why, Pearl is saving the Krusty Krab! I mean, the Kuddly Krab. [goes over to a picture of a seahorse] What would we do without these beautiful $20 sea unicorn wallhangers? [goes to a strand of lights] How could we ever survive without these $35 art lights? How could we go on without a sea fern on every last table?! [holds one up] It's hip! It's coral! It's… it's losing money! [starts to cry] Oh you're right SpongeBob. But I can't fire me pride and joy, it'll break her fragile little heart! What am I going to do?
SpongeBob: There there, Mr. Krabs. I'm sure there's another way.
Mr. Krabs: That's it boy! You could fire her! It's OK if she hates you.
SpongeBob: That's not what I said, sir. [Mr. Krabs brings SpongeBob to the door]
Mr. Krabs: Great then, it's all settled: you fire Pearly, I'll wait in me office.
[SpongeBob is pushed out the door and accidentally runs into Pearl]
Pearl: Totally rude, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Pearl, can I see to you in the kitchen for a second?
Pearl: Sure, SpongeBob. [they walk to the kitchen]
SpongeBob: [thinking] How am I going to break it to her? I've never fired anyone before. I just got to say it. Pearl, you're fired! OK, here it goes. [SpongeBob opens his mouth to say it, but Pearl is already crying]
Pearl: [crying] Oh, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob lets out a sigh of some relief]
Pearl: I can't take it anymore! Nothing I do is working!
SpongeBob: Sure it is, Pearl. Look at all the hip, young people eating sal-lads!
Pearl: No, don't you get it! I've been trying to get fired since day one! I was only pretending to like this place to please Daddy. This job is cutting majorly into my social life. Oh SpongeBob, what should I do?
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob thinks for a second] I got it! I can pretend to [air quotes] "fire you." I'll take the heat from old man Krabs later.
Pearl: [Pearl grabs SpongeBob in a bone-snapping hug] Gosh, you'd really do that for me? You're a great pal, SpongeBob. How can I ever thank you?!
SpongeBob: [muffled] Stop trying to break me in half?
Pearl: [Pearl drops him] Deal. [cut to SpongeBob and Pearl walking up to Mr. Krabs' door, Pearl tries to conceal her laughing] Oh, boy!
SpongeBob: OK, Pearl. We've got to make this convincing. [loud and clear] Pearl I need to have a word with you! [we see Mr. Krabs in his office sobbing]
Mr. Krabs: Oh no, here it goes! I don't know if I can bear to listen.
SpongeBob: It's not that you haven't done a good job around here, it's just that…
Mr. Krabs: [Mr. Krabs is pushed against the door] Don't be too hard on her, now. Why does it have to be this way? [he sees himself in the uniform in the mirror] It's for the best.
SpongeBob: Well, we feel it might be in everybody's best interest if…
Mr. Krabs: I can't let him do this! [he goes for the door, then sees the vault open. It's empty, and a spider crawls around its web] Get on with it, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Pearl, you're fired. [Mr. Krabs chokes and falls over]
Pearl: Thanks, SpongeBob. [kisses him. She runs off and jumps into a car with all her friends] Come on gang, the mall awaits! [they drive off. SpongeBob runs into the office]
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs, I did it! [he screams when he sees Mr. Krabs' body. He runs over to a bill behind glass, which is for emergency purposes and he breaks the glass. He waves the bill under Krabs' nose]
Mr. Krabs: [regaining consciousness] Oh Pearly… [sniffs] Is that a 20? [he pockets the bill] Oh SpongeBob, how could I have done such a thing to me own fresh and blood? [cries]
SpongeBob: There, there, Mr. Krabs. Pearl took it just fine, in fact, she seemed sort of happy.
Mr. Krabs: Really?
SpongeBob: She's off to bigger and better things.
Mr. Krabs: That's me old girl; tough as nails, just like her old man! [laughs] But how am I going to get my money back for all this stuff? [SpongeBob thinks. Cut to his house, where all the stuff is put up in his house. SpongeBob dances in his uniform to the music]
SpongeBob: [laughing] Isn't this great, Gary? And it only cost me one year's salary!
Gary: [Gary is covered in stuffed animals and his shell has flowers painted on it] Meow?