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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Back to the Past" from season seven, which aired on February 15, 2010.

Transcript

  • [episode starts with SpongeBob and Patrick walking through Jellyfish Fields]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, boy! Jellyfishing. I can't wait! Can you, Patrick? [Patrick is eating tartar sauce] Patrick? Patrick?
  • Patrick: Did you say something?
  • SpongeBob: Uh, I said... [he gets hit in the eye with a jellyfishing net] Ow!
  • Patrick: I'm not sure how to respond to that.
  • SpongeBob: [Gasps happily] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! [Mermaid Man is sleeping]
  • Barnacle Boy: [to Mermaid Man] Hey! We're stuck here, remember?
  • Mermaid Man: Why is that?
  • Barnacle Boy: Because you forgot to fill up the boat mobile before we left. See?
  • SpongeBob: Hey, heroes! Is there anything we can do? [bubble transition to where SpongeBob and Patrick are pushing Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy while they grunt and get tired] That's a heavy piece of nothing... [pants] So, is that it?
  • Barnacle Boy: Yes. Uh, thank you, boys. We don't usually do this, but in term for pushing the invisiboat up all those hills, there's something I'd like you to see. But you must promise to not touch anything.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Okay! [Bubble transition to where Barnacle Boy opens the locker door] Wow!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, the magic claw from episode 1582! Man Ray's power glove!
  • Patrick: Ooh! A pair of binoculars.
  • Mermaid Man: Yes, boys, this is our locker of memories. It contains... Uh... I can't remember.
  • Barnacle Boy: [sighs] It contains all the memorabilia up from our super-human adventures.
  • Patrick: Wow. Hey, SpongeBob, check it out!
  • SpongeBob: The Dirty Bubble's bubble wand!
  • Barnacle Boy: Correct! [blows the bubble wand to reveal the Dirty Bubble, the Dirty Bubble starts laughing evilly.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [starts screaming nervously as the Dirty Bubble stares at them.]
  • Barnacle Boy: [laughs] Scared, boys?
  • SpongeBob and Patrick : Mmm-hmm.
  • Barnacle Boy: Well, don't be. [pops the Dirty Bubble with a needle]
  • Mermaid Man: And as long as no one touches anything, there's nothing here to be scared of.
  • SpongeBob : Understood.
  • Barnacle Boy: And this is our time machine. This device allows us to transport into the future or past at a date or destination of our choosing.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick : Ooh!
  • Barnacle Boy: Unfortunately, the consequences of altering the order of history are so dangerous, we've chosen it to leave it alone, so you mustn’t touch...
  • Patrick : [yells] Hey, this snack machine took my quarter! I want my crunchy munchities!
  • Barnacle Boy: No!
  • Patrick : Stupid box! [presses the start button on the time machine and the alarm goes off] You really gotta get that thing fixed.
  • Barnacle Boy: You fool! You realize what you've done?!
  • Patrick: [cluelessly] Well, I lost a quarter.
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Mermaid Man, and Barnacle Boy: [the Episode goes to where they all scream all the way in the time machine]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, where are we? [gasps] It can't be! Bikini Bottom has at least 39 people living here!
  • Barnacle Boy: Maybe as you knew it, but this is a different Bikini Bottom of another time. Maybe if you've hadn't touched the time machine like we told you, Patrick, we wouldn't be in this mess! Hopefully, we hadn't changed anything with our presence.
  • [Barnacle Boy points his finger at Patrick angrily as the latter shrinks back in fear].
  • SpongeBob: Oh! Everything looks so old-fashioned.
  • Man Ray: [laughs wickedly, destroys Bikini Bottom, and laughs wickedly a reprise] I'm ready to rule the world and its riches! With this weapon, nothing can stop me!
  • Young Mermaid Man: That's what you think.
  • Man Ray: [gasps] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?!
  • Young Mermaid Man: Sorry, Man Ray. But my stalwart companion Barnacle Boy and I beg to differ with you.
  • Young Barnacle Boy: You've tangled with the wrong end of the fishhook of justice, Man Ray.
  • Young Mermaid Man: Now prepare for a heaping helping of quick drying tartar sauce.
  • Mermaid Man: Wow, our bodies were so tight.
  • Barnacle Boy: What went wrong?
  • Young Barnacle Boy: [Man Ray screams] Jumpin' jellyfish, Mermaid Man, what happened to the tartar sauce?
  • Patrick: [burps] Good thing that was around. I was starving.
  • Young Mermaid Man: Curious. Could I have forgotten to refill it?
  • Man Ray: [shoots up the Tartar Sauce can up while laughing]
  • Patrick: This is creeping me out!
  • SpongeBob 1: Patrick, what about Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?
  • Patrick: I don't got time for that! [runs away with SpongeBob]
  • Mermaid Man: Where are you going, boys?
  • Patrick: [SpongeBob and Patrick are in the locker] I just want to go home!
  • Barnacle Boy: When are we gonna have those two re-classified as villains? [The time machine disappears]
  • Mermaid Man: They left us here! What are we going to do? Eh, I'm sure it'll all work out.
  • Young Mermaid Man: Don't worry, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are always here to help the elderly. There's something familiar about these two, Barnacle Boy. I just can't put my flipper on it.
  • Young Barnacle Boy: Hey, neat hat!
  • Barnacle Boy: Thanks, I... uh... [Man Ray laughs wickedly]
  • Young Mermaid Man: Let’s get these poor defenseless seniors out of harm's way.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [episode goes to where they scream on the way back]
  • Patrick: Well, that's more like it. Back in good old present day Bikini Bottom.
  • SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick, we're all born in our old place in time. Hello, fellow citizen. [This is a robot with a surveillance camera. Cut to show Squilliam Fancyson glueing poster with Man Ray saying "He has a plan" to a wall] Hello, Squilliam.
  • Squilliam: Man Ray is great.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah. [He and Patrick walk away] Must be taking care of his community service obligations.
  • Patrick: That'll teach him to jaywalk. [They pass over another poster saying "I am watching you" which has Man Ray's moving eyes on it]
  • SpongeBob: Say, uh, Patrick, do you notice anything different about our fair city? [A line of prisoners walks by them]
  • Patrick: Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the clatter of prison chains.
  • SpongeBob: I said, is there something odd about Bikini Bottom since we got back?
  • Patrick: No. But yes! Just look at the giant medicine billboard! [A billboard with Man Ray is shown, saying "He has a ray, and he's not afraid to use it"] It's missing a bolt on the bottom right corner!
  • SpongeBob: Even worse than that, Patrick. The police got new uniforms!
  • Patrick: Oh, no! What did they do with those old ones?!
  • SpongeBob: And yikes! What happened to the Krusty Krab?! [Reads the sign] "The designated area where you are permitted by Man Ray, your ruler, to obtain sandwiches using Man Ray dollars"? Do you see the under-lying tragedy in all this?
  • Patrick: I’m all out of Man Ray dollars?
  • SpongeBob: No, Patrick. It means we somehow changed the course of history when we went to the past. And now, in this reality, Man Ray is ruler. Oh, we got to do something.
  • Patrick: But what?
  • SpongeBob: What any self-respecting citizen of the free world would do in a time of crisis. See if I still have a job! [He and Patrick walk into the Krusty Krab that now has metal walls and Man Ray watching the customers eating via screen]
  • Man Ray: Hey, you’re not eating fast enough!
  • SpongeBob: Excuse me, Squidw... [Thought it was Squidward but realized it was Barnacle Boy]
  • Barnacle Boy: Yes?
  • SpongeBob: [stammers]Barnacle Boy? What are you doing here?
  • Barnacle Boy: Just getting stuck in a wasted life.
  • Mermaid Man: [Rings the bell] Order up!
  • SpongeBob: Mermaid Man! He's wearing a hairnet! [As Mermaid Man sighs, he and Patrick run into kitchen] What happened? Why are the two greatest heroes ever stuck in this greasy spoon, not combating the evils of Man Ray?
  • Mermaid Man: I lost the desire and the physique to fight long ago, kid. Flipping patties is so much easier on the joints when you're my age.
  • SpongeBob: What about the younger Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy? Surely, they refused to surrender without a fight.
  • Mermaid Man: You got spaghetti for brains, kid? We are the younger ones. The older ones... [is about to cry] Bless their souls... have been immortalized in this very restaurant. [Older MM and BB graves are shown]
  • SpongeBob: I am so sorry for your loss of... yourself.
  • Barnacle Boy: I hate to break up the memorial service, but we're out of tartar sauce out here.
  • Mermaid Man: Tartar sauce?! The topping that destroyed life as we knew it! If only my tartar sauce attack hadn't failed that day, we wouldn't be living in this wasteland! We're already out?
  • Patrick: Yep. Chewy bits... [burps]
  • Mermaid Man: I knew I recognize you from somewhere, you were there. And you ate that tartar sauce on that day! Do you realize what you’ve done?!
  • SpongeBob: Sorry, Mermaid Man. We didn't mean to destroy your lives and everything you held dear. What do we say to try to make things right? With your help, of course.
  • Mermaid Man: I'm not teaming up with you to do jack diddly squat! Besides, Man Ray had me by the neck! Oh, e-evil!
  • SpongeBob: Does that mean the defeat was so traumatic that it has given Man Ray a stranglehold on your psyche?
  • Mermaid Man : Barnacles, no! It means he put this electro-collar on me that won't allow me to leave the restaurant!
  • SpongeBob: Oh. Let's get the nasty thing off of you. [clings on to Mermaid Man's neck to try and take it off]
  • Mermaid Man: Haven't you two idiots done enough damage?
  • SpongeBob: I can't get a good grip on it! I must need a better angle. Hold on. Sorry, sorry. Hey, Patrick, can you give me a hand here?
  • Mermaid Man: Keep away from me! [SpongeBob and Patrick grunting]
  • SpongeBob: [Mermaid Man gets a bump on his head] Ta-daaa! You're free! Can we coax you and Barnacle Boy out of retirement to save the your universe?
  • Mermaid Man: I suppose you’ve proven your medal, kid. But I'll have my eye on you two. Now let's pop that Dirty Bubble!
  • SpongeBob: Actually, we're fighting Man Ray.
  • Mermaid Man: Oh. Well, in that case, let the lighthouse of justice shine on Ray Man!
  • SpongeBob 1: Okay, I suppose that's close enough. Back to the past, gents, just stop you from eating the tartar sauce again for the first time. Hmm.
  • The First SpongeBob, Patrick, Mermaid Man, and Barnacle Boy: [episode goes to where all scream in the time machine]
  • Man Ray: [destroys Bikini Bottom and laughs twice] I am ready to rule the world and its riches!
  • Young Mermaid Man: Not so fast, Man Ray!
  • Young Barnacle Boy: We've got a little surprise for you.
  • Second Old Mermaid Man: [He and along with the Second SpongeBob, Patrick, and Barnacle Boy come out of the locker machine] Keep your tongue out of the tartar sauce!
  • Mermaid Man: Impostors!
  • Second Old Mermaid Man: Who are you calling impostor, impostor? I must prevent our tartar sauce from being eaten by that fool!
  • Mermaid Man: If I want to get near my tartar sauce I gotta to go through me first!
  • Second Old Mermaid Man: I'm gonna make me eat those words!
  • Mermaid Man: Bring it. [The second beats the first] Take this! [beats the second] I’ll never let you win.
  • Second Old Mermaid Man: Oh, yes, I will.
  • Young Mermaid Man: What do you make of this, Barnacle Boy?
  • Young Barnacle Boy: Tangled timeline, Mermaid Man. I-
  • Man Ray: [laughs wickedly] You old coots provided me the perfect distraction. Now prepare to be disappeared!
  • Young Mermaid Man: Sounds good on paper, you purveyor of pure evil, but, fortunately, we all know what happens to paper underwater. Barnacle Boy, the tartar sauce. [pours tartar sauce on the Second Man Ray]
  • Patrick 2: Wow! I've never eaten that much tartar sauce.
  • Patrick 1: Yes, you have.
  • Patrick 2: Well, it sure ain't sittin' right.
  • Man Ray: [laughs wickedly] Foolish mools. Once again, your bufoonery has given me victory! [blows up the tartar sauce can and laughs wickedly] Oh, I'm going to savor this. It's not every day I get to defeat Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy three times over! [is about to shoot two SpongeBobs, Patrick, two Old Mermaid Mans and Barnacle Boys but another locker comes]
  • SpongeBob 2: [He along with the second Patrick comes out of the machine] Patrick, don’t eat the tartar sauce!
  • Man Ray: You’re too late! Your fat friend beat you to it. Now, prepare to taste laser! [another time machine comes, which it opens, and the third SpongeBob and Patrick are falling, screaming] So how...
  • SpongeBob 4: [The time machine door with the fourth SpongeBob and Patrick] I told you we had to go back farther!
  • Man Ray: Uh... [Thinks but another time machine comes]
  • Third Mermaid Man: Up, up, and away! [The third Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy jump out and fall to the ground]
  • SpongeBob 5: [another time machine opens with the fifth Patrick also] Now, Patrick! [He along with the fifth Patrick pour tartar sauce on the third Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy and drop the can on them]
  • Man Ray: I can't get my head around this. Where are they all coming from? [Man Ray's machine comes] Another machine? [Man Ray comes out]
  • Second Man Ray: [shoots his own whole time machine and laughs wickedly] I took care of your blasted time machine! [laughs again and flies away]
  • Man Ray: Uh! I got to sit down and think this through.
  • Young Mermaid Man: [chains the Second Man Ray] Gotta! You've got plenty of time for thinking in the stony lonesome.
  • Man Ray: I'm sorry, did you say something? I'm still trying to comprehend what just happened here.
  • Young Mermaid Man: It's pretty simple, really. You were defeated by a convoy of continuum-cruising crime stoppers. Thank you, SpongeBob and Patrick.
  • Four SpongeBobs and Two Patricks: You're welcome!
  • SpongeBob 6 and Patrick 6 : [ another time machine which holds seven SpongeBobs and six Patricks comes] Oh, hi there! Hello! Hello! Hello!
  • One Other SpongeBob: We just wanted to come back and revisit the day that evil was defeated forever.
  • SpongeBob 7: [another time machine appears] Hey, how you doing?
  • Seventh Patrick: We’re here.
  • Eighth and Ninth SpongeBobs and Patricks: [two time machines appear] Oh, hi there! How you doing?
  • Tenth SpongeBob and Patrick: Hello! Hello!
  • Last SpongeBob and Patrick: [more appear] Oh hi there! [More and more appear while the episode pans into outer space] Hello! Hello!
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