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  • [The episode begins at a beautiful morning at SpongeBob's house.]
  • SpongeBob: [bouncing up and down on the bed] Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [continues bouncing] Oh, Gary, I'm so excited! [jumps off] Tonight, they're showing the only episode of "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" that I've never seen! Whoo-hoo!
  • Gary: Meow, meow!
  • [SpongeBob carries Gary to the bathroom and squirts Tooth Toothpaste on his toothbrush.]
  • SpongeBob: It was lost...[pulls out his dentures and brushes them] to the sands of time. [put his dentures back in his mouth; he and Gary jump in the bathtub and SpongeBob scrubs himself] Until they found a copy in the producer's underwear drawer. [pulls lever and the tub flies them into the wringer]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • [SpongeBob lands in his pants and Gary lands in his shell.]
  • SpongeBob: [shows Gary the poster] It's part two of the two-part special, "The Case of the Curious Cliff Hanger." Well, I've rearranged the living room for optimal TV viewing. [shows the living room all set for his television viewing]
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: [shows the popcorn machine] The popcorn's a-popping.
  • Gary: [gets hit in the eye by a popcorn cornel] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [shows several soda bottles in a frozen ice block] And the soda's on ice. All that's left is to set the VCR to record [sets up the VCR to record] so I can relive the magic over and over forever. [his teeth roll around in his mouth like movie film] Hmm, but which tape to use? Don't have any blank ones left. Hmm. [picks a tape that views his own birth] Oh, here we go. Who needs a tape of their own birth, anyway? [puts the tape in the VCR] Yoop, done! [puts on his Krusty Krab working hat] Now it's just one quick shift at the Krusty Krab, and I'll be back for the evening's entertainment. [laughs as his bubbles form into a laughing mouth]
  • [The scene changes to the Krusty Krab and SpongeBob is growing impatient.]
  • SpongeBob: Normally I like working, but today is moving [close-up of his face in slow-motion] so slowly.
  • [SpongeBob peaks in through the kitchen window and sees everything moving in a slow pace. Two customers are chewing their food real slow. Nat bite his Krabby Patty, but slaps Fred in the face, making him spit out his food. Patrick opens his mouth and eats the food. SpongeBob sulks and slides back in the kitchen.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, at this rate I'm never gonna see "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy." [groans]
  • [SpongeBob flips some patties and forms them into the faces of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.]
  • SpongeBob: Hmm?
  • Barnacle Boy Patty: We'll help you get through the day, SpongeBob.
  • Mermaid Man Patty: And tonight we'll conquer evil!
  • SpongeBob: Aw, you guys always make me feel better. [leans on the grill and burns his arms] Hmm? [removes his arms from the grill and they disintegrate; he laughs]
  • French Narrator: One Shift Later...
  • [Mr. Krabs is counting money and Squidward is manning the register. SpongeBob bursts out from the door and runs past them in a fast pace, leaving a trail of fire and leaving Mr. Krabs in his underwear.]
  • SpongeBob: All right, bye, Squidward! Bye, Mr. Krabs! [runs out the door] See you tomorrow! [bumps into Mrs. Puff's boat]
  • Mrs. Puff: Oh, SpongeBob. My boat has a flat tire. Could you help me change it?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, uh, well, [points to his watch] I gotta get home for "Mermaid Man," but—but sure, I guess I have a little time.
  • Mrs. Puff: Oh, good. Let me know when you're done. [picks up a mug of coffee and a book entitled, "Gone with the Fin"]
  • SpongeBob: Luckily, I brought all my tools. [pulls his tie, opens his head and shows a variety of tools]Jack, wrench, hammer, jackhammer—[activates jackhammer and drills in the ground] Whoa! [comes back out] Jack-wrench, wrench-hammer, hammer-hammer. Okay, I'm ready!
  • [SpongeBob goes underneath Mrs. Puff's boat, levers it up like a jack, and pulls out a pair of scissors.]
  • SpongeBob: Gotta get that old tire off. And... [cuts the tire into paper dolls and laughs; goes to put a new tire on] Yes? No. Maybe if I try...[groans]
  • [SpongeBob struggles to put the tire on the wheel, but it slips off and is sent flying to the surface.]
  • SpongeBob: Hmm. Ah-ha!
  • [Mrs. Puff sleeps until she feels her boat moving.]
  • SpongeBob: Okay, Mrs. Puff. Good to go.
  • [Mrs. Puff drives her boat to her house. She looks down at her wheel and sees SpongeBob implanted himself onto it.]
  • Mrs. Puff: Thanks again, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, no problem, Mrs. Puff.
  • [SpongeBob is beaten up from getting crushed by the rocky roads. He pokes a hole, deflates, and flies everywhere. He then looks at his watch.]
  • SpongeBob: Hmm. I still have time to get home before my show, if I pick up the pace. [runs straight to his house] Ah, home sweet pineapple!
  • Patrick: Hey, buddy! You got a minute?
  • SpongeBob: [pops his face out from his back] Oh, uh, not really, but—
  • Patrick: I double-parked my rock. And it got towed. [shows his spot where his rock was and a sign says "No Rock Parking"] Could you help me get it back?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, uh, sure. Uh, but let's make it quick. "Mermaid Man" is on soon.
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick at the Impound Yard.]
  • Impound worker: You'se guys can take a look around on your owns. [opens door]
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick enter the junkyard and sees that everything looks exactly like Patrick's rock.]
  • SpongeBob: They all look the same, Patrick. How are we gonna find your rock?
  • Patrick: Don't worry, buddy. I'll know it when I feel it. Oh, this might be it! Give me a hand!
  • [SpongeBob lifts the rock up with all his might. Patrick rolls underneath and SpongeBob drops it.]
  • Patrick: Ow! No, this isn't it. Oh, ooh, this one might be it!
  • [SpongeBob lifts another rock and Patrick slides underneath it. SpongeBob drops it on Patrick.]
  • Patrick: Ouch! No, this isn't it either. Ow! No. Ow! No. [shouts] No. [screams] No.
  • [SpongeBob holds up the last remaining rock up for Patrick. Patrick slides underneath it and SpongeBob drops it on him.]
  • Patrick: [sighs] This is it. This is my rock!
  • Impound worker: Congratulations. Now there's a little matter of the fee.
  • Patrick: Oh, talk to him. [picks SpongeBob up and hops on his rock]
  • SpongeBob: [hands the impound worker money] Here you go.
  • [The impound worker takes the money and leaves.]
  • Patrick: [begins driving away with his rock] Thanks, SpongeBob! See you at home for "Mermaid Man!" Whoo-hoo!
  • SpongeBob: Wait, wait, Patrick! Could you give me a...ride? [groans and a rock crushes him]
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob running past Sandy's treedome.]
  • Sandy: SpongeBob! Oh, thank goodness you're here. I could really use your help.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, hey, Sandy. Uh, I'm kind of in a rush 'cause "Mermaid Man" is on and it's the lost episode—
  • Sandy: Oh, it won't take more than a minute.
  • [SpongeBob looks at his watch and groans.]
  • Sandy: My laser acorn experiment blasted a nut-sized hole in my dome. Could you stick your finger here while I go get my fix-it-up kit?
  • SpongeBob: I don't really have a lot of time to—
  • Sandy: [plugs the hole with SpongeBob's finger] Thanks, be right back! [runs into her dome]
  • [SpongeBob sees two unnamed kids passing by.]
  • Kid #1: Gosh, I can't wait to see that long lost "Mermaid Man" episode tonight.
  • Kid #2: Oh, for sure. No real fan would miss it. Not for the world.
  • [SpongeBob panics and struggles to break free. Sandy comes back out with her fix-it-up kit.]
  • Sandy: All righty, SpongeBob. I'm ready to—What? [sees his hand dangling where the punctured hole is]
  • [SpongeBob regenerates his arm and runs to his house as fast as he could.]
  • SpongeBob: That's it! No more distractions! I am gonna—[gets grabbed by Mr. Krabs]
  • Mr. Krabs: Boy-o, you gotta help me sort me loose change!
  • SpongeBob: But "Mermaid Man."
  • [Mr. Krabs dumps a bucket full of coins over SpongeBob's head. The coins come out in tiny little coin rolls. Mr. Krabs places the coin rolls in his bucket.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Thanks, boy-o!
  • [SpongeBob gets up, looks at his watch and panics. He runs out of Mr. Krabs' house, leaving a trail of coins behind.]
  • SpongeBob: [panting] Don't wanna miss it! Don't wanna miss it! [gets stopped by Larry who wants to have him put tanning lotion on his back] But "Mermaid Man." [then he's asked to help change light bulbs with Plankton at the Chum Bucket] But "Mermaid Man." [then he's asked to help plant vegetables in Squidward's garden] But "Mermaid Man." [shows him giving a line of senior citizens a foot massage at Shady Shoals] But "Mermaid Man." [shows him being a crossing guard in Bikini Bottom to help people cross the street] But "Mermaid Man." [shows him helping the Flying Dutchman mop up the deck on his ship] But "Mermaid Man."
  • [The scene changes to nighttime. An exhausted SpongeBob walks up to the front door of his house.]
  • SpongeBob: [sighs and looks at his watch] Well, I may have missed the live broadcast, but at least I got it all on tape. Here I come, "Mermaid Man!" [tries to open the door but it's locked] Oh. [tries to pull it open but to no avail; he checks his pockets] Where'd I put my keys? [peaks through the window] Did I leave them on the table again? [sees his VCR going haywire and it spits out the tape's film] No, my tape! [the ice block explodes and soda flies everywhere] My soda! [the popcorn machine explodes] My popcorn! [sees everything a complete mess] My "Mermaid Man!" [the house bursts into flames and he screams]
  • [Gary gets shot out of the house on a flying soda bottle. SpongeBob goes to catch Gary, but he lands on his face.]
  • Gary: Meow. [slithers off of SpongeBob]
  • [SpongeBob, completely shocked at what happened, started feeling really sad and begins to cry. His crying was so loud and powerful that it was heard all across Bikini Bottom, which resulted in waking the townsfolk up. Moments later, Squidward, Patrick, Sandy, Larry, Mr. Krabs, Plankton and Mrs. Puff arrive to see what was the matter.]
  • Sandy: Hey there, SpongeBob. Why all the waterworks?
  • SpongeBob: [sniffles and wipes his tears with his nose like a windshield wiper] I was so busy helping everyone that I missed "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" and my VCR didn't record it and now I'll never see it and my life has no meaning!
  • [SpongeBob sulks away from his friends and goes back into his burning house in tears, now that his chances of seeing the long-lost episode of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy has been shattered. All of SpongeBob's friends look on at him with sad faces and realized what they had done: they took his kindness for granted and inexplicably ruined his chances of seeing the episode he's been looking forward to watching.]
  • Sandy: All right, listen up. SpongeBob has helped every single one of us dozens of times over. But we ain't been very helpful to him today.
  • [All of his friends murmur in agreement.]
  • Patrick: Yeah, I was a lousy friend.
  • Sandy: Now, we may have taken advantage of his kindness, but I got a plan to make things right.
  • [They hover together and Sandy quietly explains her plan in hopes of making up to SpongeBob for letting him miss the show.]
  • French Narrator: The Next Day...
  • [The scene changes to the next morning. SpongeBob's living room is a complete mess and is covered with burnt popcorn and soda bottles. SpongeBob goes into a state of deep depression and holds out a burnt videotape. He drops the tape and moves his finger around.]
  • SpongeBob: Play… [drinks a bottle of burnt soda and eats some burnt popcorn]
  • Sandy: [knocks on the door and peaks through the window] Hey there, SpongeBob. Feeling any better?
  • [SpongeBob mutters in depression.]
  • Sandy: Aww, [jumps in through the window] why don't you come with me? I have a little surprise for you.
  • SpongeBob: I'm not really in the mood, Sandy.
  • Sandy: Aww, quit acting like a calf with colic. [pushes SpongeBob out with his chair] Come on, SpongeBob. [pushes him to a television-themed outdoor amphiltheater]
  • SpongeBob: Gee, Sandy, where'd you get an outdoor amphitheater?
  • Sandy: Don't worry about that. Just sit right here and enjoy the play.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, okay.
  • [Plankton comes out from the curtains and knocks the microphone over so he can speak into it.]
  • Plankton: Welcome, ladies and morons! It's time for the exciting conclusion to...[the curtains open] "The Case of the Curious Cliffhanger!" [laughs]
  • SpongeBob: [wakes up from his depression] Huh? Whoa! [laughs and pulls his chair forward to watch it closer]
  • [On the stage, Squidward is dressed as Doctor Negative, Mrs. Puff is the Atomic Flounder, Gary is the Dirty Bubble, Larry is Mermaid Man, and Patrick is Barnacle Boy.]
  • Larry: Help me, Barnacle Boy. I'm hanging...from this cliff.
  • [A cardboard cloud falls down.]
  • Patrick: And look, I am also hanging from this cliff. We sure are in danger.
  • [SpongeBob covers his eyes, but pop them out through his head to see. The scene changes to Mr. Krabs as Captain Tightwad fighting against Larry as Mermaid Man.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [grunts] You should give up while you can, Mermaid Man.
  • [Squidward struggles to hold Mr. Krabs up, but ends up swinging him up and down.]
  • Larry: Haven't you heard, Captian Tightwad? I'll never give up fighting...um...Line?
  • Mrs. Puff: [struggling to hold Larry up] Oh, um...[looks through the script book and whispers] Evil.
  • Larry: Evil!
  • [Three cannons steam smoke out at Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs falls to the floor and Squidward falls on top of him. The curtain closes over Squidward.]
  • SpongeBob: Wow! Yes, yes!
  • [The scene changes to the play's grand finale. During the finale, Sandy is dressed as Miss Appear and Plankton is wearing a Man Ray helmet. The rest of the cast remain as Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, the Atomic Flounder, the Dirty Bubble, Doctor Negative, and Captain Tightwad.]
  • Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Plankton, and Mrs. Puff: ♪He may be half a mermaid!♪
  • Gary: ♪Meow!♪
  • Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Plankton, and Mrs. Puff: ♪And he may be half a man!♪
  • Gary: ♪Meow!♪
  • Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Plankton, and Mrs. Puff: ♪But to us he's more than a hero!♪
  • Gary: ♪Meow, meow!♪
  • Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Plankton, and Mrs. Puff: ♪He's our Mermaid Man!♪
  • [Plankton pushes the button on the remote and ignites fireworks for the finale as Larry makes Mermaid Man's hero pose.]
  • SpongeBob: [sheds a tear and whistles] Ah, oh, bravo! Bravo! Bravo! [laughs as he bounces around in happiness] Yes! Ah! [flies onto the stage like a rocket] Thank you, everyone! [hugs all of his friends] I loved the show! And I loved the love you showed me! And I love how you showed me the love you showed me in the show I love. [his eyes widen] This is my favorite episode of "Mermaid Man" ever!
  • [SpongeBob and all of his friends cheer in happiness. Just then, Old Man Jenkins arrives on the stage.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: Hey! What are you kids doing in my outdoor amphitheater?
  • Sandy: [screams] Cheese it, everyone! It's Old Man Jenkins! [screams]
  • [Everyone, except SpongeBob, run off the stage.]
  • Old Man Jenkins: Come back! I just wanna be in the play.
  • SpongeBob: Aww, I'll play with you, Old Man Jenkins. [hands Old Man Jenkins a purple starfish] Do you wanna be Mermaid Man?
  • Old Man Jenkins: It's the role of my dreams! [places the starfish on his face and flies in the sky] Zoom! [laughs] Whoo!
  • [SpongeBob laughs and the screen turns black, ending the episode.]
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