[all the Brady kids and Alice are tied together by a staircase from Roy Martin, who left and kidnapped mom, they all think in their heads]
Bobby Brady: If I had been a better detective, I would've been on Mr. Martin sooner. This is all my fault.
Cindy Brady: If I wasn't too busy looking for my doll, I would've seen something suspicious. This is all my fault.
Kitty Carry-all: I bet he wouldn't have tied me up if I was Barbie. This is all my fault.
Peter Brady: What a dumb-head I am. I guess Roy was not much of a hero after all. This is all my fault.
Alice: I must've not put enough mushrooms in his spaghetti sauce. This is all my fault.
Greg Brady: Marcia looks great in those ropes... Wait a minute, what am I saying? This is all my fault!
Jan Brady: It was wrong to make up George Glass. This is all my fault!
Marcia: This is all Jan's fault.
Cindy Brady: You can't take my mommy!
Marcia Brady: Cindy's right! Take Jan!
[Asked where Marcia is]
Cindy: She's over there getting lei'd by those Hawaiian boys.
Jan Brady: His name is George.
Marcia Brady: George what?
Jan Brady: George, uhhh Tropicana!
Carol Brady: What a nice name. Is he Cuban?
Jan Brady: No i mean... Glass. George Glass
Marcia Brady: That's funny. I've never heard of a George Glass at our school.
Jan Brady: That's because he's a transfer student. He came in the last week of school. He's really good looking and he thinks I'm super cool.
Marcia Brady: Sure, Jan.
Carol: I wish I could be gay again.
Carol: Careful, Mike. he's got a gun.
Roy: I don't need a gun to take care of you. I am going to kick your Brady butt.
Cindy: He said the "B" word.
Mike Brady: A gift is only a good thing when the giver has given thought to that gift. But when the gift the giver gives gives grief, then that gift should give the givee regrets.
Marcia: [brushing her hair and counting] One, two, three, four.
[noticing Greg undressing through the curtain]
Marcia: Four, four, four.
Greg Brady: Marcia?
Marcia: [seductively] Yes, Greg? [normal voice] I mean, what?
Greg Brady: If Roy really is Mom's husband, then does that mean.
Marcia: We're not brother and sister?
Roy Martin: [laughing] The ones from my room. [Stops laughing] My room? The one's from my. Oh no!
Carol Brady: Roy, are you all right?
[the song "Good Morning Starshine" begins, and the flowers on Carol's dress animate and float around her face]
Carol Brady: Roy, are you all right?
Roy Martin: Oh God! I'm tripping with the Bradys!
[after Carol has fainted]
Mike Brady, Roy Martin: Honey, are you all right?
[they stare at each other]
Carol Brady: [not surprised] I'm all right.
Mike Brady: Us Bradys have to stick together, or we'll fall apart. Much like that house of cards. You see, a deck consists of 52 cards, and if the hearts didn't work with the diamonds and the spades with the clubs, then how the heck would we ever play a game of Gin Rummy? So, in keeping with the spirit of togetherness, I'm sure you kids know the right thing to do.
Mike Brady: You seem to be having quite an effect on Peter, Roy.
Roy Martin: Well, it's like I always say: "Veni, Vidi, Vici. I came, I saw, I conquered".
Mike Brady: Well, like I always say: "Caveat Emptor".
Roy Martin: Doesn't that mean "Buyer Beware"?
Mike Brady: Yes yes it does.
Jan: I'm sure hope we'll find Mom in no time.
Cindy: Isn't there something we can do to cheer ourselves up?
Greg: Hey, I know.
Greg: Sorry, I've been acting weird the last couple of days.
Marcia: I've been acting weird too, Greg. After the wedding, I'll move back in to my room. I can wait til the attic. Until, you go to college.
Greg: Gee, you're the best sister a guy never had. Well, ever had.
(Greg and Marcia are hugging each other)
(Greg and Marcia have stopped hugging)
(Greg and Marcia have a moment)
(Greg and Marcia kiss on the lips)
(Greg and Marcia have stopped kissing)
Greg: (Shakes Marcia's hand) I gotta go.
(Greg and Marcia are awkardly walking away separate)