Go Fish

Scene I: The Penguin Habitat (Exterior)
''A crowd of humans were around the penguin habitat. Alice is holding bags that are contain penguin food.''

Alice: Feed the penguins! Two bucks!

The crowd grab the bags from Alice.

Alice: (sighs) Animals.

Private: Now, Skipper?

Skipper: Not yet, Private. You gotta play hard to get. Make 'em beg for it.

Humans (variously): Over here! Hey, penguins! Entertain me!

Kowalski: I’m beginning to sense restless hostility from the crowd.

Private: We’re gonna lose them.

Skipper: OK. Commence adorable hijinks. Go, go, go!

Kowalski: (waddling) Executing waddle with odd, but somehow strangely endearing body shakes.

Kowalski executes what he just said.

Humans: Awww…

Private: Pretending to lose my balance and face-plant into the pool… now!

Private executes what he just said.

Humans: Awww…

Skipper: (belly-sliding) I call belly-slide duty! Let’s make it extra cute and cuddly today, boys.

Humans: Awww…

Kowalski and Private meet up in the pool.

Humans: Awww…

Skipper and Rico wiggle their faces at each other.

Humans: Awww…

Private covers himself with his flippers and then uncovers himself with a cute face.

Humans: Awww…

Skipper and Kowalski hop back and forth in front of the crowd while smiling.

Humans: Awww…

Rico puts on a cute face like what a girl would do.

Humans: Awww…

Skipper acts like a baby and uses his back to propel himself back and forth while he’s holding his feet with his flippers.

Humans: Awww…

Scene II: The Lemur Habitat
''Mort was upside down giggling while Julien is wiping his apple with Mort’s tail. Julien breathes on it, then wipes it with Mort’s tail again. Julien finishes and then drops Mort.'' Julien: Yeah. Perfect. Look how beauticious you are. Oh and this apple here is looking pretty good, too. Julien takes a bite out of the apple then sees the crowd around the penguin habitat. Julien: No. Julien spits out the part of the apple he chewed on at Mort. Julien: Not “Feeding the Penguins” time! How am I supposed to enjoy my breakfast with all of the savage, fishy smelling fishes assaulting my kingly senses? (claps his hands) Maurice? Maurice appears along side Mort. Julien: The royal nose clamp. Maurice holds Mort up and Mort plugs Julien’s nose with his hands. Julien: There. That should do the trick. Mort giggles.

Scene III: The Penguins Habitat (Exterior)
''Rico jumps in the air and dives into the water. Private and Kowalski are moving the feet back and forth.''

Humans: Awww…

Skipper: Kowalski, irresistibility reading.

Kowalski grabs his scanner and looks at the meter

Kowalski: The crowd’s appetite for our enamoring antics is reaching optimal levels.

Skipper: Beautiful. Hit them with the tail-wags. No mercy.

They all line up and wiggle there tails.

Humans: Awww…

Skipper: And… cease tail-wagging! Always leave them wanting more.

The penguins stand up.

Humans (variously): (cheering) There you go! Yeah!

Private: We did it!

Kowalski: Fish are incoming. Three, two…

Skipper: (waving his flipper) Wake up your taste buds, boys.

Humans hit Kowalski, Rico, and Private with some strange food.

Kowalski: What are these?

Skipper: How’s the catch of the day, gentlemen?

Private grabs one piece of the pile of strange food and shakes it.

Private: Looks fishy, Skipper.

Skipper: Fish are supposed to look fishy.

Kowalski: No, I think he means “Fishy.”

Skipper: Good fishy or bad fishy?

''Skipper turns around and grabs the piece of food. He cracks it in half which makes Skipper’s eyes open wide. The penguins look horribly at the piece of food.''

Private: Definitely bad fishy, sir.

Skipper puts on an angry face.

Scene IV: The Lemur Habitat
Maurice: (sniffs the air) That’s strange. There’s no fish stank. Nothing. ''Mort unplugs his hands from Julien’s nose so Julien can sniff the air. Julien sniffs'' Julien: You are right. Julien hits Mort in the face with his elbow. Julien: The fishy smelling fish fumes are no more! Julien jumps off his throne Julien: We shall wildly celebrate! (starts dancing) And I am talking about more than usual, you know what I mean? Maurice: But if it’s not fish, (drops Mort) what is it?

Scene V: The Penguin Habitat (Interior)
Kowalski looks at the fish cake through the set of cardboard binoculars. Kowalski: It appears to be some kind of molecular soy composite, Skipper. Skipper: (holding a piece) And we’re supposed to eat this chow? ''Rico grabs a piece and regurgitates a knife and then uses the knife to cut it in half, but the knife shatters instead. Rico groans.'' Skipper: We’re penguins, man, we need fish! Real fish. Kowalski: Technically, these cakes do meet our nutritional requirements. ''Skipper scratches the piece on the wall which makes a mark. Skipper than sniffs it.'' Skipper: OK, boys, let’s give it a shot. ''All the penguins had a piece in there flippers, waiting for someone to make their first move. They all take a bite at the same time. Kowalski chews first and then makes a questioning face. Skipper chews and puts on horrified face. Private chews and puts on shocked face on. Rico chews and then puts on the same face like Private. They all spit out the food at the same time. Private grunts in disgust'' Private: Maybe it’s more of an acquired taste, Skipper. Skipper: Right. We go again… They all take another bite and then spit it out right after. Skipper: And again. They take another bite and then spit it out right again. Skipper: And again! They once again take another bite and then spit it out right after. Skipper: And again! Again, they take another bite and then spit it out right after. Skipper: Abort! Abort. ''They all have a time out from eating. Kowalski goes to the wall and starts hitting it with his flipper. Rico faints and falls over. Private struggles to not vomit. Skipper tries to comprehend the taste. Skipper wipes his tongue.'' Skipper: This has gotta be some sort of freak experiment. A one time thing, right? Private couldn’t hold it in and quickly runs away and vomits.

Scene VI: The Penguin Habitat (Exterior)
The penguins have sad expressions on their faces. Kowalski: (sadly) We’re… charming. Private: (sadly) We’re… loveable. Humans: Awww… The crowd throws more of the food to them. Skipper: We’re hungry… for real fish! Rico falls over.

Scene VII: The Lemur Habitat
Julien: (holding a apple) Ahhh. Three days and I am loving this life, baby.

''Julien takes a bite out of the apple and swallows it. Julien grabs Mort and throws him in the air.''

Julien: No fishy-fish fumes fuming from the fish eaters.

''Julien laughs triumphantly and holds out his arms. Julien catches Mort and then kisses him. Julien, realizing he had just kissed Mort, lets go of him and grunts in disgust. Julien licks the mat while Maurice is holding Mort and the apple.''

Julien: You see, Mort? I am so happy, I forgot, for a second, how disgusting you are. Look at you.

Mort: (bends up with a cute face) Hi.

Scene VIII: The Penguin Habitat (Exterior)
The penguins are covered with the disgusting food. Rico: (struggling) Fish! Fish! (gasps) Fish… Rico closes his eyes but Kowalski keeps them open using his flippers. Kowalski: Sixty-seven hours without the succulent, salty tang of the sea. Rico’s eye looks around, looking bloodshot. Kowalski: He can’t take much more. Skipper: (determination is on his face) Neither can I.

Scene IX: The Penguin Habitat (Interior)
Skipper: (holding a stick) What I’m about to show you is highly classified. Slide, Private. ''Private holds a slide picture in front of the flashlight. The picture was Skipper with a Hawaiian necklace, standing one foot on a sandcastle, having sunglasses on, and with sand and jungle parts in the background. Skipper, looking at the picture, has his mouth open. Then he turns toward Private.'' Private: Sorry, Skipper. I don’t know how the holiday shots snaps got in there. ''Skipper slaps him in the back of the head. Another picture is with Kowalski buried in the sand. A bucket and shovel sit on top. Also there's a red crab in front of his face that was about to attack him. Skipper slaps Private again. Another picture, Rico and Kowalski playing volleyball, Rico regurgitates a volleyball right into Kowalski’s forehead. Skipper slaps Private. Another picture, Private has a sunburn with a displeasing look on his face. Skipper slaps Private. Another picture, Rico put a dynamite stick under a chair with a person sitting on it. Rico has a pleasing look on his face as he claps playfully. Skipper slaps Private. Another picture, Kowalski kicks a shark that was trying to eat him while he’s surfing on a surfboard with a giant wave behind him. Skipper slaps him. Another picture finally shows a picture of the fish truck on the side. Skipper comes back on to the view screen.'' Skipper: This, gentlemen, is our target:... The picture changes to Skipper in mid-air from his behind. Skipper: ...one standard rest--- ''Skipper see’s it and has a distasteful look on his face. He goes back to Private again and slaps him. The picture changes to Skipper and Private wearing their bathing suits and then Skipper slaps Private on the picture as Skipper slaps Private right now. Skipper goes back to the view screen since it changed back to the fish truck. (note: the picture repeatingly changes with the fish truck.)'' Skipper: ...one standard restaurant grade fish truck. Change: to the last picture with the license. Skipper: Where are we on cracking this code, Kowalski? ''Kowalski looks at a board with the license numbers they're but upside down. Kowalski: Oh, it’s fiendishly clever encryption, Skipper. Skipper: Well, I have secured the services of a...  A picture of Pinky the flamingo shows up. Skipper: ...specialist for aerial surveillance.

Scene X: The Zoo
Pinky is talking to Skipper about the assignment he is doing. Pinky: I get a cut of the haul, right? Skipper: You’ll get your fair share, Pinky. ''Pinky nodded. Rico and Private were busy loading the supplies they need on the zoo cart. Julien is watching'' Julien: No, never. We cannot allow them to return the ferocious fishing fishy smell to my kingdom. Julien looks to Maurice and Mort who were both watching as well. Julien: Gather around. Now, we need to be doing exactly what I say. Starting with paying strict attention to me talking right now. Right now. Now.

Scene: XI: Streets and Sewers of New York
''A radio dish pops up on top of a hot dog cart on the street. Kowalski is talking on the radio'' Kowalski: This is Wiener One. I am up and operational. Target is on the move. Repeat, target is on the move. ''In the sewers, Rico was pushing the pedals with a stick as he listened to the radio. Julien, disguised as Skipper, is holding the radio while steering the wheel.'' Julien: Roger that, Wiener One. We are southbound, approaching rendezvous.'' ''Julien hands Private the radio as he steers the Zoo Cart. Kowalski is watching the fish truck on the surveillance camera attached to Pinky. The screen scrambles for a second, but returned to normal after Kowalski hit it.'' Kowalski: Target turning east onto 23rd street. Eye in the Sky is a go. ''Kowalski opens a panel in the cart and then opened a hatch on a post. He then cut the wires in the panel. Kowalski talking on the radio.'' Kowalski: Thirty-four seconds until fish. ''The Zoo Cart finally reached the location and Rico put the brakes on. Rico and Private climbed up the ladder. Julien is talking on the radio.'' Julien: Prairie Dog Blue and Prairie Dog Red are in position. Kowalski tabbed a wire into the panel. Kowalski: T-minus five, four, three, two, one. (wrapping four wires together) Stopping target. The light changed to red, stopping the fish truck. Kowalski: (on radio) You are “go” for insertion. Go fish! ''Kowalski, thinking about fish, opened his tongue near the wires, electrocuting it. The light turned green and the fish truck drove off. Another truck pulled up and stopped. Rico and Private removed the sewer panel and cut a circle with a blowtorch. They went in.'' Julien: (on radio) Private, I want confirmation that there is food on that vehicle. Extra eyes appeared in the dark where they were, looking at them angrily. Private: That’s affirmative. But it looks like the food is us. ''They find out it was a K-9 Security truck. They got attacked by the K-9’s. The light turned green again and the truck drove off.'' Private: (on radio) Ahh! Skipper! Help! Julien: Hang on, Prairie Dogs! Kowalski, keep your eyes on the target. Julien took the stick Rico had and pressed a pedal, then turned the Zoo Cart around and began the chase with the K-9 truck. Kowalski: I am locked on, Skipper. ''Julien was right under the K-9 truck as Private and Rico opened the back door and fell out. Julien opened a sewer panel and grabbed Rico and Private, breaking their fall. Private was dizzy, and accidentally fell over.'' Kowalski: (on radio) This is Wiener One. Are we aborting mission? Repeat, are we aborting mission? Rico and Private were concerned. Julien: Gentlemen, we are penguins. We have a natural need to feed on the fruits of the sea. That’s the way Mama Nature built us. Now, who wants to spit in the eye of Mama Nature? Private and Rico looked at each other confused. Julien: That’s what I thought. We are “go” for operation. Kowalski has a lot of wires everywhere, even on in his mouth. Kowalski: Target is turning right onto Broadway. I am sending it to extraction point. ''Kowalski threw away the radio and connected a few more wires. The fish truck turned a corner as Private and Rico landed at the front of the back door. Private holds the lock on the back door.'' Private: Locked! Rico: (shaking his head) Uh, uh. ''Rico regurgitates a clip and started hacking the locker. He succeeded in doing so.'' Private: We’re in! ''Rico gargles. Kowalski now had wires all over his body and in his face as he plugged a wire into the panel. A green light turned red as the fish truck approached. Julien opened the sewer panel under the fish truck as Rico and Private cut a hole on top. Rico popped down to see Julien and Julien nodded. The fish crates were going down into the sewers as Julien watched. Rico attached the panel he took off and then closed the sewer panel. Rico and Private came to Julien and put the fish crates on as Julien watched happily.''

Scene XII: The Zoo
The penguins made it back to the zoo as they gave each high-fives.

Julien: Job well done, boys.

Private: We have enough fish to last forever!

Rico: (happy) Fish! Fish! (in opera) Fish!

The other penguins looked surprised.

Skipper: One small problem.

Skipper disguised as Julien, along with Maurice, walked out of the shadows with evil expressions on their face.

Skipper: We could not allow for you to return to eating the savage smelling, foul-fuming fishy fish.

Snaps his finger to reveal Mort coming from a garbage can, holding all the crates full of dish while moaning holding all that weight.

Skipper: So I planned to come up with my own carefully planned plan. To plan to steal the the stinkies ourselves.

''A flashback appears showing the procedure of how they stole them. In the flashback, the lemurs appeared behind the Zoo Cart as it stopped at the zoo with the fish crates. Maurice through the crates to Mort, who was holding them, and as Julien watched them do the work. And then they switched the crates with fish cake ones.''

Skipper: And my plan all went accordingly… to plan. So, you see, we have the crates with the real fish, while yours are filled with only the phony fish cakes, so… (laughs with a -ing)

Mort couldn’t hold them any longer and was crushed.

Julien: Oh, nice try, Ringtail. But I know how much you hate the smell of fish. I was expecting a move like that.

Another flashback shows up with Kowalski putting fish crates in the cart and putting the false ones in instead.

Julien: Which is why I switched the crates before you even got back to the zoo.

Skipper: Ah! But I was expecting you to be expecting that.

Another flashback was with the lemurs changing the crates, and they then took the fish crates away.

Skipper: So we switcher-ooed the crates on the pier before the fish got loaded onto the truck. (laughs)

Julien: Doesn’t really matter, because I just switched these crates during your last flashback.

Skipper: Well, I switched them while you were saying that you switched them.

Julien: And I switched them the last time you blinked!

Skipper: Yes, but I pretended to switch them so you actually switched them back.

Juilen: Oh, but I double-switched.

Skipper: And I triple-switched.

Julien: I million-zillion-switched!

Skipper: I switched them to infinity! So you have to shut up a little bit.

Julien: Ah! But what you didn’t see coming is that (starting to sound like himself again) I am actually you!

''Julien rips off his Skipper costume, revealing his real self. The penguins (except Skipper) and other two lemurs gasped in shock seeing two Juliens now.''

Skipper: OK, nicely played. But if you are me, then by processing of elimination...

Skipper starts to sound like himself again.

Skipper: ...I must be you!

Skipper rips off his Julien costume, revealing his real self.

Julien: Maybe. Maybe. But if you are me and I am you, then we must both be…

Maurice interrupts, coming in between them.

Maurice: Enough! Can we just crack these babies open and get this over with already, ple-ase?

''Rico regurgitated a crowbar and yanked open one crate while Mort yanked another crate with a crowbar. They opened them both, revealing only fish cakes in both piles of crates. Skipper and Julien both picked up a fish cake. They cracked them.''

Skipper: (surprised) Fish cakes? They’re all the phony fish cakes!

Julien: (in happiness) Ah-ha! So I am the winner!

Julien looks to Skipper, who was angry.

Julien: Right? I think so. Eh, can we get an official ruling on this so I can better enjoy my gloating?

Private: But where are the real fish?

Kowalski looks at the screen from the camera attached to Pinky.

Kowalski: Uh, I have a theory.

Skipper: Huh?

The screen showed the fish.

Scene XIII: The Flamingo Habitat
''Pinky was on top of the pile of fish which was missing. Pinky ate a fish.'' Pinky: Suckers!

{{clr}