The Man with Two Brains

READY THE BONE WAX.

METZENBAUM SCISSORS.

METZENBAUM SCISSORS.

READY TO CLOSE. REMOVE

THE WEITLANDER RETRACTOR.

Female Nurse:

WE'RE CLOSING, DOCTOR.

REMOVE THE RAINEY CLIP,

FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Olsen: I APPRECIATE

YOUR LETTING ME

OBSERVE THAT

BRAIN OPERATION TODAY.

Michael: IT WOULD'VE

BEEN MORE COMPLICATED

IF HE'D NEEDED ONE,

BUT SINCE YOU WANTED TO

OBSERVE MY TECHNIQUE, I--

THAT WAS VERY NICE OF YOU.

DOCTOR, WERE YOU, UH,

WERE YOU INTERESTED

IN SCIENCE AS A CHILD?

I DON'T KNOW

IF I WAS INTERESTED

SO MUCH IN THE SCIENCE

AS I WAS THE SLIME

THAT GOES ALONG WITH IT.

SNAKES AND FROGS.

WHEN I SAW HOW SLIMY

THE HUMAN BRAIN WAS, I...

I KNEW THAT'S WHAT

I WANTED TO DO

WITH THE REST

OF MY LIFE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,

TIMON?

I THOUGHT

YOU LIKED FISH.

THEY TASTE FUNNY.

REALLY? IT'S FRESH.

IT CAME RIGHT OUT

OF THAT TANK.

[UTENSIL DROPS,

DOG WHIMPERS]

YOU HOOKED MY ANGEL FISH?!

WHY DO YOU DO

THESE TERRIBLE THINGS?

BECAUSE I LOVE

TO SEE THOSE VEINS

IN YOUR TEMPLE THROB.

YOU--YOU--

[GROWLS]

[GROWLS]

I'LL KILL YOU.

LOOK HERE,

YOU DEVIL WOMAN,

YOU'LL NEVER DO THIS

TO ANOTHER MAN!

OH, YES, I WILL.

I'LL DO IT,

AND I'LL DO IT,

AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN.

WOULD YOU READ

THAT BACK TO ME?

I'M AFRAID THAT

MIGHT MAKE ME

SOUND POMPOUS

TO YOUR READERS.

UH, "MY BRILLIANT RESEARCH

IN BRAIN TRANSPLANTATION

"IS UNSURPASSED

AND WILL PROBABLY MAKE MY NAME

LIVE BEYOND ETERNITY."

NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

TAKE OUT THE "PROBABLY."

IT MAKES ME SOUND

WISHY-WASHY.

YOU TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME,

YOU IMPOTENT PRUNE!

OHH! [GROANS]

[CAT SCREECHES]

[RRREOW]

MY RENOIR!

I'LL KILL YOU!

I GET SO EXCITED

WHEN YOU GET ANGRY.

IT MAKES ME FEEL

SO MUCH CLOSER

TO THE READING

OF THE WILL.

YOU WON'T GET A PENNY.

I CHANGED MY WILL

MONTHS AGO.

YOU SON OF A BITCH.

WELL, I GUESS I'LL

JUST HAVE TO FIND ME

A NEW MAN TO TORTURE.

DR. FURRIER--

THAT'S...HFUHRUHURR.

I'M SORRY.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

A LOT OF PEOPLE

MISPRONOUNCE IT,

BUT IT SOUNDS JUST

THE WAY IT'S SPELLED.

H-F-U-H-R-U-H-U-R-R.

HFUHRUHURR.

HFUHRUHURR-RUR.

THAT'S GOOD. YOU JUST WENT

A LITTLE PAST IT THERE.

JUST PUT THE BRAKES ON

A LITTLE SOONER.

DOCTOR, I, UH...

I KNOW YOU WERE QUITE SHAKEN

BY THE TRAGIC DEATH

OF YOUR WIFE.

OH, I COULDN'T TALK

ABOUT IT FOR A LONG WHILE,

BUT...TIME PASSES BY,

AND I CAN HANDLE IT NOW.

HER NAME WAS REBECCA.

WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

IS OOKIMS HAVING

A MASSIVE HEART ATTACK?

WHAT A SHAME, WITH ME

SO YOUNG AND HOT!

POM-POM!

[DOG BARKING]

RIP HER THROAT OUT!

AAH!

[DOG WHIMPERING]

WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

DR. FURRIER!

HFUHRUHURR!

I'M SORRY.

SHE WAS...

EVERYTHING.

IS THAT HER?

NO. THAT'S JUST

A STATUE OF HER.

OUR GARDENER RAMON,

HE...

HE MADE MADE THAT

FOR ME AFTER SHE...

I LOVE THE WAY

HER HEAD MOVES.

SHE ALMOST LOOKS...

ALIVE.

WATCH OUT!

BYE-BYE!

[DOG BARKING]

AN ANGEL.

LITTLE GIRL?

YES, SIR?

I WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING

VERY IMPORTANT, ALL RIGHT?

OK.

I WANT YOU TO RUN HOME,

AND I WANT YOU TO CALL THE E.R.

OF NORTH BANK GENERAL HOSPITAL,

- - -ONE THOUSAND.

TELL THEM TO SET UP O.R.

IMMEDIATELY

AND CONTACT ANESTHESIOLOGIST

ISADORE TOURICK,

- - - - - - BEEP.

HAVE THEM SEND AN AMBULANCE

WITH A PARAMEDIC CREW,

LIGHT I.V., D- AND W, KVO.

YOU GOT IT?

E.R., NORTH BANK

GENERAL HOSPITAL,

- - -ONE THOUSAND.

SET UP O.R.

CONTACT ANESTHESIOLOGIST

ISADORE TOURICK,

- - - - - - BEEP.

AMBULANCE WITH PARAMEDICS

AND LIGHT I.V.,

D- AND W, KVO.

THAT'S GOOD.

SOUNDS LIKE A SUBDURAL

HEMATOMA TO ME.

OH, IT DOES, DOES IT?

WELL, IT'S NOT YOUR JOB

TO DIAGNOSE.

BUT I THOUGHT--

YOU THOUGHT! YOU THOUGHT!

JUST GO!

YEARS OF NURSERY SCHOOL,

AND YOU THINK YOU KNOW IT ALL!

WELL, YOU'RE STILL WET

BEHIND THE EARS.

IT'S NOT A SUBDURAL HEMATOMA!

IT'S EPIDURAL! HAH!

GODDAMN,

THAT MAKES ME MAD.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I DON'T FIND THIS AMUSING,

GARRERO!

THIS IS A BETTER STORY

THAN I EVER HOPED FOR.

BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

GETS HIT BY A CAR

AND NEEDS BRAIN SURGERY,

AND THE MAN WHO HITS HER

IS THE WORLD'S GREATEST

BRAIN SURGEON

WHO OPERATES ON HER

AND SAVES HER LIFE.

IFI SAVE HER LIFE,

OLSEN.IF.

YOU WANTED TO SEE ME,

DR. BRANDON?

AH, YES, MICHAEL.

THIS OPERATION THAT

YOU'RE ABOUT TO PERFORM,

I FEEL,

IS VERY ILL-ADVISED.

NO SURGEON SHOULD EVER

OPERATE ON A PATIENT

THAT HE HAS PERSONALLY

INJURED.

IT WOULD MAKE HIM

TOO EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED.

DON'T YOU THINK

I'M AWARE OF THAT?

BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE

OTHER PERSON I'D TRUST

TO PERFORM THIS

OPERATION--BECKERMANN.

DR. BECKERMANN WAS MURDERED

IN EUROPE. YOU KNOW THAT.

EXACTLY!

NOT ONLY IS HE DEAD,

HE'S     MILES AWAY.

WHAT IS THAT?

[WHISPERING]

It's a vagina.

I KNOW WHAT IT IS.

I MEAN

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SHAVING HER.

THIS IS

A BRAIN OPERATION.

I KNOW.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED

TO BE, A HEART?

YES, SIR.

CLIVE AND I THOUGHT

THAT SINCE IT'S

VALENTINE'S DAY THAT--

[CLICKING TONGUE]

YOU DON'T HAVE TO

SHAVE HER ANYWHERE.

WE'LL BE USING

MY CRANIAL SCREWTOP

METHOD OF ENTRY

INTO THE BRAIN.

FINE. YES, SIR.

I NEVER WANT

TO SEE THAT AGAIN.

I SUPPOSE

IF IT WERE CHRISTMAS,

YOU'D HANG ORNAMENTS

ON IT.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

Michael: FORCEPS.

METZENBAUM SCISSORS.

-BLADE SCALPEL.

Female nurse:

-BLADE.

SPONGE STICK.

GIVE ME A LITTLE SWEAT

ON MY UPPER LIP.

REMOVE SWEAT.

COVER HER BREASTS.

I'M A MAN, FLESH AND BLOOD.

[MEOW]

Michael: SCAT!

[RREOW]

DAMN!

THE CATS AROUND HERE.

CRANIAL SCREWTOP.

NOW ALL WE CAN DO IS WAIT.

YES.

WHERE AM I?

IN A HOSPITAL.

YOU'VE HAD AN ACCIDENT.

OH.

I HOPE I HAVEN'T

CAUSED ANY TROUBLE.

Michael: OH, NO.

Dolores:

I'M SO TIRED.

SHH SHH SHH SHH.

WHO ARE YOU?

OH,

I'M--I'M YOUR DOCTOR.

I WANT--

OH, DON'T--

DON'T TRY AND TALK.

Nurse: DOCTOR.

HUH?

YOU'RE WANTED IN O.R.

IN  MINUTES.

THANK YOU.

OHH. CONTINUE

THE DILANTIN I.V.

WHAT A SKULL.

OHH.

BOY, WOULD I LIKE

TO JUMP ON THOSE BONES.

REBECCA.

I CAN'T HELP

COMPARING HER TO YOU.

SHE HAS A BEHIND SO SEXY

YOU'D LIKE TO EAT LUNCH

OFF IT.

JUST LIKE WE DID,

REMEMBER?

REBECCA.

I'VE HAD THE TOP

OF HER HEAD OFF,

BUT THAT'S AS FAR

AS IT WENT.

I PROMISE I'LL NEVER RECITE

OUR FAVORITE POEM

TO ANYONE BUT YOU.

IN DILMAN'S GROVE.

IN DILMAN'S GROVE,

MY LOVE DID DIE,

AND NOW IN GROUND,

SHE'LL EVER LIE.

NONE COULD E'ER

REPLACE HER VISAGE,

UNTIL YOUR FACE

BROUGHT THOUGHTS

OF KISSAGE.

NURSE.

GOOD.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

MAKE A NOTE.

RIGHT ARM GRIP STRENGTH

VERY GOOD.

LEFT ARM'S--THERE'S

JUST NO IMPROVEMENT.

Michael: I WENT OUT

AND GOT YOU A LITTLE PRESENT.

"THE COMPLETE POEMS

OF JOHN LILYSON."

"ENGLAND'S GREATEST

ONE-ARMED POET"?

HE WROTE

IN DILMAN'S GROVE

ANDPOINTY BIRDS.

I--

"OH, POINTY BIRDS,

"OH, POINTY, POINTY,

"ANOINT MY HEAD,

ANOINTY, 'NOINTY."

HE DIED IN.

HE WAS THE FIRST PERSON

EVER TO BE HIT BY A CAR.

TO THINK YOU WERE

ALMOST KILLED BY A CAR.

MICHAEL.

THAT'S ALL OVER NOW.

THAT MAN YOU RAN AWAY

FROM THAT NIGHT...

POOR OLD MR. CRESWELL.

IT WAS ALL MY FAULT,

IN A WAY.

I NEVER SHOULD HAVE

GONE THERE ALONE.

I GUESS I'M JUST

TOO TRUSTING.

OH, POOR LITTLE BIRD.

[BED MOTOR RUNNING]

SO FRAGILE.

SO NAIVE.

SO CHILDLIKE.

SO SHY.

SO CHASTE.

SO INNOCENT.

REBECCA.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG

WITH MY FEELINGS

FOR DOLORES,

JUST GIVE ME A SIGN.

Rebecca: NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

JUST ANY KIND OF SIGN.

I'LL KEEP ON THE LOOKOUT

FOR IT.

MEANWHILE, I'LL JUST

PUT YOU IN THE CLOSET.

IN SICKNESS

OR IN HEALTH

TILL DEATH

DO YOU PART?

I DO.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU

MAN AND WIFE.

YOU MAY

KISS THE BRIDE.

NOT NOW.

[DOG BARKING]

THERE IT IS, DARLING.

YOUR NEW HOME.

THE HOUSE OF HFUHRUHURR.

WHAT ARE THOSE ASSHOLES

DOING ON THE PORCH?

[LAUGHING]

THOSE AREN'T ASSHOLES.

IT'S PRONOUNCED "AZALEAS."

[LAUGHS]

I PUT THEM THERE FOR YOU.

Ramon: SENOR.

Michael: NO, RAMON.

MY WIFE WILL NOT BE

ENTERING HER NEW HOME

IN A WHEELCHAIR.

I WANT THIS MOMENT

TO LAST FOREVER.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

SENOR?

SENOR, WOULD YOU LIKE TO

EAT YOUR BREAKFAST NOW?

HAVE YOU TAKEN ENOUGH

PHOTOS OF THE MOMENT

SO WE CAN REMEMBER

THIS MOMENT FOREVER?

OH, YES.

AND WE GOT THEM

BACK ALREADY. SEE?

OH, THAT'S NICE.

ALL RIGHT, BREAKFAST.

WE'LL GET CLEANED UP FIRST.

ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE

IN THE WORLD

IS ABOUT TO WALK OUT HERE.

I'M HAPPY TO SAY HE IS

STILL BUSY MAKING HIS ...

Michael: LOOK,

I FRAMED THE MOMENT.

MM-HMM.

TV: HE'S NOW ABOUT TO

UNVEIL HIS LATEST PICTURE,

WHICH I HEAR IS JUST AMAZING,

OPENING ON THE  st

OF THIS MONTH--

[MONITOR BEEPING]

YUCK.

[CHANGES CHANNEL]

WAIT. TURN THAT BACK.

THAT'S

MY FAVORITE MOVIE.

THAT'SDONOVAN'S BRAIN.

AND NOT THE SLIGHTEST

SIGN OF DECAY?

NONE. I'VE NEVER SEEN

HEALTHIER TISSUE.

IT'S GROWING LARGER

BY THE DAY.

IT'S DISGUSTING.

BRAINS ARE SO UGLY.

NO. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I'M LATE!

IS THAT ALL YOU'RE

GONNA HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?

IT'S ALL

I HAVE TIME FOR.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

OH, I'M FINE.

I JUST...WISH I COULD

GET OUT OF THIS WHEELCHAIR

SO I COULD HELP A LITTLE

AROUND THE HOUSE.

YOU WILL.

YOU JUST HAD

A MAJOR OPERATION.

IT TAKES TIME

TO RECOVER.

YOU'RE GONNA BE UP

AND AROUND IN NO TIME.

JUST BE PATIENT.

DOLORES? SOON?

HUH?

HUH?

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

Michael:

FORGOT MY HAT.

OOH! OHH!

YOU WALKED! YOU WALKED!

YOU WALKED!

I SHOULDN'T

HAVE GOTTEN UP,

BUT I WANTED TO SURPRISE YOU

AND WALK INTO YOUR ARMS

TONIGHT WHEN YOU CAME HOME.

YOU WALKED! YOU WALKED!

YOU WALKED!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

WHO IS THAT MAN OUT THERE?

JUAN.

HE WORKS FOR RAMON.

OH. HE FRIGHTENED ME.

HE'S JUST A BIG,

GOOD-NATURED BAG OF MUSCLES.

THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HIM

THAT MAKES ME QUIVER.

IS HE HERE OFTEN?

JUST ONE DAY A WEEK.

WHAT DAY?

TUESDAY.

IS HE EVER ALONE?

I MEAN, DOES RAMON EVER GO OFF

AND LEAVE HIM HERE ALONE?

SOMETIMES. WHY?

I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

PLEASE,

TELL RAMON TO WARN ME

WHEN HE'S GONNA LEAVE ME

ALONE WITH THAT JUAN PERSON.

ALL RIGHT, IF THAT'LL

MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

THAT'LL MAKE ME

FEEL MUCH BETTER.

FRIGHTENED LITTLE MOUSE.

[LAUGHS]

I'LL TELL RAMON

TO WARN HER

ABOUT JUAN.

[DOOR OPENS]

RAMON!

MICHAEL, MICHAEL,

HOW IS MARRIED LIFE?

I DON'T KNOW!

I'M SORRY.

I'VE BEEN ON EDGE

THE LAST COUPLE

OF WEEKS.

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT I'M DOING.

MICHAEL!

AAH!

SEE? THAT'S

A PERFECT EXAMPLE.

OH, GOD, I ALMOST PEED

IN THE SCRUB BASIN.

I DON'T KNOW WHY

I'VE BEEN SO TENSE.

MAYBE IT'S YOUR COFFEE.

NO.

WHEN A WOMAN WHO'S JUST

HAD MAJOR BRAIN SURGERY

TELLS YOU SHE

HAS A HEADACHE,

YOU'VE GOT TO LISTEN.

OH.

PATIENCE, MICHAEL.

A RECENTLY MARRIED WOMAN

AND AN EAGER YOUNG HUSBAND--

IT WON'T BE LONG

BEFORE YOU HEAR HER SAY,

"TAKE ME! TAKE ME!"

[HEAVY BREATHING]

Dolores: TAKE ME.

TAKE ME.

OHH.

OHH, JUAN.

YOU...

YOU'RE THROUGH!

I DON'T THINK I AM.

NOT YOU.

BY THE WAY, I FIRED

RAMON YESTERDAY.

RAMON? BUT RAMON IS SUCH

A FINE MAN. WHAT DID HE DO?

HE CAME UP BEHIND ME,

AND HE GRABBED MY BREASTS.

WHAT?

IHAVEN'T EVEN

DONE THAT YET.

I KNOW. I TOLD HIM THAT.

YOU TOLD HIM?

HE SAID HE HAD

TO MEASURE ME

FOR A NEW

DASHBOARD ORNAMENT.

HE TOLD ME HE HAD TO

MEASURE REBECCA A LOT

BEFORE HE GOT HER RIGHT.

OH, YOU'RE UPSET.

SO AM I.

I WANT TO BE EVERYTHING

TO YOU REBECCA WAS.

I WANT TO GIVE YOU...

EVERYTHING SHE GAVE YOU,

DO EVERYTHING SHE DID.

WHEN CAN YOU START?

HOW SOON

CAN YOU GET HOME?

WELL, I HAVE  OPERATIONS,

BUT I CAN DO THEM FAST.

THEY'RE JUST

BRAIN OPERATIONS.

LET ME GET MY HAT.

MY BRIEFCASE.

COULD YOU WALK ME

TO THE DOOR?

[MONITOR BEEPING]

WHAT'S HE DOING?

BRAIN OPERATIONS

AT THE SAME TIME.

NUMBER  -BLADE.

-BLADE.

-BLADE SCALPEL.

-BLADE.

READY THE BONE WAX.

METZENBAUM SCISSORS.

METZENBAUM SCISSORS.

[CAT MEOWS]

GET THAT CAT

OUT OF HERE.

YES, SIR.

[RRREOW]

WE'RE READY TO CLOSE.

CRANIAL SCREWTOPS.

CHECK FOR STRIPPING.

TAKE THEM TO SICU.

BRAVO!

BRAVO!

YOU'RE SO EARLY.

YES.

TAKE OFF YOUR COAT.

AND YOUR PAPER HAT.

I'M CHILLING

SOME WINE FOR US.

WHY DON'T YOU OPEN IT?

YES.

[POURING WINE]

DOES THIS

DO ANYTHING FOR YOU?

OH, YES.

GOOD.

I WANT OUR FIRST NIGHT

TOGETHER...

TO BE EXCITING.

I DO, TOO.

I HOPE THE WAITING

HASN'T BEEN TOO HARD ON YOU.

THERE'S SOMETHING

I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

THIS FITS VERY SNUG,

AND YOU MAY HAVE SOME TROUBLE

GETTING IT OFF ME.

YOU MAY HAVE TO

TEAR IT OFF MY BODY.

I CAN TEAR.

I LIKE TEARING.

YOU...MAN OF STEEL.

[EXHALES]

[MUTTERS]

I CAN'T WAIT

TILL NEXT THURSDAY.

TODAY IS MONDAY.

I KNOW.

BUT MY HEADACHE

SHOULD BE GONE BY THEN.

YOU DON'T MIND WAITING,

DO YOU?

OH. NO.

NO, NO, NO.

NOT AT ALL.

I HAVE A LITTLE

HEADACHE MYSELF.

MAYBE I'LL TAKE A WALK.

IT'LL DO ME GOOD.

WHERE'S MY HAT?

[GASPS]

IT'S...

[GLASS BREAKS]

[BIRD CHIRPING]

THE BREEZE FEELS GOOD.

YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?

MICHAEL, I'M, UH,

CONCERNED ABOUT YOU.

REALLY?

WHAT'S THE CONCERN?

[SLAMS DOOR]

MY STAFF TELLS ME THAT YOU'VE

BEEN A LITTLE TENSE LATELY.

TENSE?

IS THAT WHAT

THEY SAY ABOUT ME?

MICHAEL, EVEN TO ME,

YOU SEEM A LITTLE JUMPY.

JUMPY?!

HOW ARE THINGS

AT HOME, MICHAEL?

GREAT. I'M MARRIED TO THE MOST

BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.

HOW COULD IT BE ANYTHING

BUT GREAT?!

IT'S GONNA BE EVEN GREATER!

JUST AS SOON AS WE...

WEEKS AND YOU HAVEN'T

MADE LOVE TO YOUR WIFE YET?

NO WONDER YOU'RE TENSE.

DR. BRANDON, THE WOMAN HAS

JUST HAD MAJOR BRAIN SURGERY.

SHE'S HAD ENOUGH

UNPLEASANTNESS.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT IN

THE FINGER-SUCKING DEPARTMENT

I AM EXTREMELY SATISFIED.

[BANGING]

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN

TO AUSTRIA, MICHAEL?

NO.

THE AUSTRIAN INSTITUTE

OF CRANIOLOGY

HAS ASKED MANY TIMES

FOR YOU TO LECTURE THERE

ON YOUR THEORY

OF BRAIN TRANSPLANTS.

WHY NOT

TAKE THEM UP ON IT?

COMBINE A BUSINESS TRIP

WITH A HONEYMOON.

HONEYMOON.

YEAH. I GOT TO DO SOMETHING

TO GET US STARTED.

WHEN ARE YOU SCHEDULED

TO HAVE YOUR HANDS

REMOVED FROM YOUR FACE?



THEN YOU COULD DO

THE VOITLANDER SURGERY FOR ME.

OF COURSE!

HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL

WITH THAT INSTANT GLUE.

I KNOW.

HERE'S

THE VOITLANDER CHART.

A HONEYMOON.

YEAH. HONEYMOON!

MAY I HELP YOU, SIR?

YES, I'M DR. HFUHRUHURR.

I BELIEVE YOU'RE HOLDING

A ROOM FOR ME.

YES. WOULD YOU PREFER

A DOUBLE OR TWIN BEDS?

A DOUBLE.

AH, A DOUBLE.

COULD YOU SEND UP

A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE

AND PUT A "DO NOT DISTURB"

ON THE PHONE

FOR THE NEXT--

UM, LET'S SEE.

WE GO IN, PUT OUR BAGS DOWN

START KISSING,

BE ABOUT  MINUTES.

MOVE INTO THE BEDROOM,

SLIDE MY HANDS OVER HER DRESS,

I REMOVE HER BLOUSE,

MAYBE  OR   MINUTES.

MOVE OVER TO THE BED,

RUB EACH INNER THIGH,

THAT WOULD BE

MINUTES EACH,

SO I FIGURE   MINUTES

OF FOREPLAY IN GENERAL...

[MOANS]

DO YOU CALL ORAL SEX

FOREPLAY OR ACTUAL SEX?

DOESN'T MATTER.

I'D LIKE TO DO IT TWICE,

SO AT LEAST  HOURS,

ALL RIGHT?

HOURS?!

YES, SIR.

[DING]

TAKE MRS. HFUHRUHURR AND

THAT LUCKY SON OF A BITCH

UP TO SUITE.

YES, SIR.

[WATCH TICKING]

I NEVER IN

MY WILDEST IMAGINATION

EVER THOUGHT IT

COULD BE LIKE THAT.

IT WAS THE MOST EXCITING

SEXUAL ENCOUNTER--

WITHOUT ACTUALLY

HAVING IT--

THAT I EVER ALMOST HAD.

DOCTOR, I'M

DR. FELIX CONRAD.

I'LL BE ESCORTING YOU

TO THE LECTURE HALL.

DID YOU JUST STEP OFF

THAT ELEVATOR?

THERE WAS NO OPERATOR.

THEY'RE ALL AFRAID.

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT

VIENNA'S ELEVATOR KILLER?

ELEVATOR KILLER?

PEOPLE HAVE BEEN GETTING

ON ELEVATORS ON ONE FLOOR

ONLY TO ARRIVE AT

ANOTHER FLOOR DEAD.

LIKE BECKERMAN.

JA.DR. SCHLERMIE

BECKERMAN.

A BRILLIANT

BRAIN SURGEON.

ONE OF

YOUR COLLEAGUES.

IT WAS A GREAT LOSS.

I'M THANKFUL

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

THE ACADEMY

IS LOOKING FORWARD

TO HEARING YOU

LECTURE THIS MORNING.

I HOPE I DON'T RUFFLE

ANY FEATHERS.

MY SPEECH MIGHT BE A LITTLE

RADICAL FOR THE OLD GUARD.

[CHUCKLES] IT WOULD

TAKE QUITE A BIT

TO SHOCK

ANY OF THIS CROWD.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I CAN ENVISION A DAY

WHEN THE BRAINS

OF BRILLIANT MEN

CAN BE KEPT ALIVE IN

THE BODIES OF DUMB PEOPLE.

[MURMURING]

WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?

THEY'RE JUST SAYING

"MURMUR MURMUR MURMUR."

IT'S JUST SORT OF

A GENERAL MURMUR?

YEAH. MURMUR.

OH.

YOU MAY MURMUR

ALL YOU LIKE--

[LOUD MURMURING]

[STOPS]

BUT TO MAKE

TRANSPLANTATION POSSIBLE

I HAVE RECENTLY INVENTED

THE CRANIAL SCREWTOP METHOD

OF ENTRY INTO THE BRAIN

WHEREBY A LARGE SECTION

CAN BE UNSCREWED WITHOUT

HAVING TO SHAVE THE HEAD.

AND AS A SAFETY FEATURE,

I'VE MADE IT CHILDPROOF.

TO OPEN, YOU PUSH DOWN

WHILE TURNING...

AND VOIL?,

THE HUMAN BRAIN.

[LOUD MURMURING]

WHERE IS

THIS MAN'S BRAIN?

STOLEN! IT'S THE FOURTH

INCIDENT THIS MONTH.

I WISH TO APOLOGIZE TO

OUR AMERICAN COLLEAGUE.

THIS DEMONSTRATION

IS NOW CONCLUDED.

[LOUD MURMURING]

DR. HMFHRUHRR?

IT'S CLOSE. YES?

I'M DR. ALFRED NECESSITER.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

DR. ALFRED NECESSITER.

WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK?

A DRINK WOULD BE

INTERESTING.

I ENJOYED

YOUR LECTURE TODAY.

WHAT LECTURE? THEY GAVE ME

A HEAD WITH  LEMONS IN IT.

THAT'S WHY

I ENJOYED IT SO MUCH.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO HEAR YOUR

BRILLIANT BUT OLD-FASHIONED

THEORIES ON THE HUMAN BRAIN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

"OLD-FASHIONED"?

I'M THE MOST ADVANCED

BRAIN MAN WORKING TODAY.

I DON'T THINK SO.

READ THIS ARTICLE.

LOOK AT THE UNDERLINED PART.

AND LOOK AT THIS. READ

THE CAPTION UNDER THE PHOTO.

AND THESE--

NEWSWEEK, TIME, COSMO.

NATIONAL ENQUIRER--

DOLLY PARTON WANTS

TO HAVE MY BABY.

DON'T TELL ME

I'M OLD-FASHIONED.

I DIDN'T MEAN

TO UPSET YOU, DOCTOR!

YOU'RE THE MOST BRILLIANT

BRAIN MAN WORKING TODAY.

THAT'S WHY I'M MOST ANXIOUS

TO SHARE MY WORK WITH YOU.

IT SEEMS YOU'RE THE ONE PERSON

IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE

WHO MIGHT UNDERSTAND IT.

AND I AGREE WITH WHAT

YOU SAID HERE.

"MY BRILLIANT RESEARCH

IN BRAIN TRANSPLANTATION

"IS UNSURPASSED AND WILL

PROBABLY MAKE MY NAME

LIVE BEYOND ETERNITY."

I TOLD HIM TO TAKE OUT

THE "PROBABLY."

MY LABORATORY

IS SET UP IN MY HOME.

IF YOU HAVE A MOMENT,

I COULD SHOW YOU MY WORK.

WHEN?

NOW!

ALL RIGHT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DIDN'T

TAKE OUT THE "PROBABLY."

YOU KNOW, THAT PHOTOGRAPH

DOESN'T DO YOU JUSTICE.

WELL, HELLO.

I DIDN'T EXPECT

TO SEE YOU HERE.

OW! OH, YOU DIRTY...

Necessiter:

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU'LL HAVE TO FORGIVE ME.

BEING IN AUSTRIA AND MEETING

A SCIENTIST WITH YOUR INTERESTS,

I HALF EXPECTED YOUR LABORATORY

TO BE IN A CASTLE, NOT A CONDO.

YOU MEAN...LIKE THIS?

YEAH.

THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

JESUS.

THIS IS EXTRAORDINARY.

FROM THE OUTSIDE,

IT DOES NOT LOOK THIS ROOMY.

I HAD A GOOD DECORATOR.

MY WIFE.

IT'S AMAZING WHAT SHE DID

WITH A FEW THROW PILLOWS,

SOME WALLPAPER,

AND A STAPLE GUN.

LEAPIN' LIZARDS.

YES. WE HAVE THOSE.

[SQUEAKING]

MOAT WITH ALLIGATOR...

HERE'S OUR SMALL

ENTRANCE HALL.

DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH

CLOSET SPACE?

THERE NEVER IS.

NO. THEY FILL UP

SO FAST.

THIS IS THE TV ROOM.

OH, I LOVE THE WAY

IT'S SO DREARY.

THIS, DOCTOR...

IS MY LABORATORY.

BRAINS.

I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MANY BRAINS

OUT OF THEIR HEADS BEFORE.

FEEL LIKE A KID

IN A CANDY STORE.

DON'T TOUCH IT!

WHY?

THEY'RE ALIVE.

ALIVE.

BUT THERE'S NO WIRES OR

TUBES OR THAT "BZZ" THING.

HOW ARE THEY KEPT ALIVE?

WITH A SPECIAL FLUID

I DEVELOPED.

WHY DO YOU HAVE

ALL THESE BRAINS?

MY VISION IS

TO BE ABLE TO TAKE

THE THOUGHTS AND DATA

FROM A DYING BRAIN

AND TRANSFER THEM

INTO ANOTHER BODY

WITHOUT OPENING

THE SKULL.

WOULD YOU CARE

FOR A DRINK?

PLEASE.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

A TAHITIAN LADY.

RIGHT-O.

FLAMING?

OH, NO, NO.

THAT'S FOR TOURISTS.

WHERE DO YOU GET

YOUR BRAINS?

THE CITY MORGUE.

FOR A NICE TIP THEY SEND

ME BRAINS FROM BODIES

THAT HAVE DIED

IN THE RIGHT WAY.

WHAT IS THE RIGHT WAY

FOR A BODY TO DIE?

FOR MY PURPOSE,

AN INJECTION OF    CCs

OF AMMONIATED

STRYCHNOCLORAHYPE

INTO THE BUTTOCKS,

CAUSING THE BRAIN

TO DIE LAST.

THANK YOU.

AMMONIATED STRYCH--

THAT'S WINDOW CLEANER.

THAT'S THE EXACT INGREDIENTS

IN WINDOW CLEANER.

YES.

AND WHO DOES THE INJECTING,

DR. NECESSITER, YOU?

GOOD LORD, NO.

IT'S THE ELEVATOR KILLER,

BLESS HIS HEART.

YOU'RE CONDONING MURDER,

AREN'T YOU, DR. NECESSITER?

AS LONG AT IT'S HAPPENING,

I'M HAPPY TO ACCEPT IT.

THE ONLY TIME WE DOCTORS

SHOULD ACCEPT DEATH

IS WHEN IT'S CAUSED

BY OUR OWN INCOMPETENCE.

NONSENSE! IF THE MURDER

OF   INNOCENT PEOPLE

CAN SAVE ONE HUMAN LIFE,

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WORTH IT.

WORTH IT?

YOU'RE CONDONING MURDER!

I'M NOT CONDONING

MURDER, SIR!

Woman:

SHUT UP IN THERE!

RESEARCH AND MURDER

DO NOT GO TOGETHER!

AND YOU SHUT UP!

WITH YOUR TV

BLARING ALL NIGHT

AND YOUR  GRANDCHILDREN

RUNNING DOWN THE HALLS!

[WOMAN SHOUTS IN GERMAN]

I'M SORRY, DOCTOR.

THESE WALLS LOOK SOLID,

BUT THEY'RE THIN

AS TISSUE PAPER.

THAT'S TYPICAL

FOR A CONDO.

NOW, LET ME SHOW YOU

HOW FAR I'VE PROGRESSED

WITH MY EXPERIMENTS.

YOU KNEW

A SCHLERMIE BECKERMAN?

YOU'VE GOT SCHLERMIE

IN ONE OF THOSE JARS

LIKE SO MUCH MARMALADE?

NO! HE ISN'T IN A JAR!

HE'S WALKING AND TALKING.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I SAW PHOTOS OF THE BODY.

ITISPOSSIBLE.

I MUST WARN YOU, DOCTOR...

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE...

MIGHT STRIKE YOU AS

THE MOST INCREDIBLE, AWESOME--

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

EXCUSE ME.

INCREDIBLE,

AWESOME WHAT?

JUST A MINUTE.

HELLO? YES?

I'LL BE THERE IMMEDIATELY.

THANK YOU.

WHAT WAS

THAT AWESOME THING?

I MUST LEAVE NOW.

I HAVE A NEW BRAIN TO PICK.

THE ELEVATOR KILLER

HAS STRUCK AGAIN.

WHAT ABOUT BECKERMAN

AND INCREDIBLE?

COME FOR DINNER TONIGHT

AND BRING MRS. FURREAR.

HFUHRUHURR.

HFUHRUHURR.



YOURSELF OUT.

NOW, IF YOU WILL

JUST TURN AROUND.

UNDLIFT YOUR ROBE.

JA.

Michael:

HI. WHAT'S GOING ON?

DON'T INTERFERE.

HE'S PAYING ME $

JUST TO TOUCH MY BEHIND.

YOU! GET OUTTA HERE!

PLEASE, FORGIVE--

GET OUT!

THIS KIND OF THING

COULD RUIN OUR MARRIAGE.

WHY? BECAUSE YOU

DON'T WANT ME TO WORK?

EARN MY OWN MONEY?

HAVE MY OWN CAREER?

YOU CALL THIS A CAREER?

OH, I'VE MADE THOSE VEINS

IN YOUR TEMPLE THROB.

OH, I LOVE THAT.

HA HA HA!

DOLORES, OUR MARRIAGE

LIES BROKEN ON THE FLOOR

LIKE THE SHARDS OF GLASS

ON OUR HONEYMOON SUITE!

AAH! OH! th CENTURY

INDIAN RUBBER VASE, EH?

DOLORES, I AM MAKING

A CITIZEN'S DIVORCE.

WHAT?

BY THE POWERS

VESTED IN ME,

I HEREBY DECLARE OUR

MARRIAGE NULL AND VOID!

E PLURIBUS UNUM!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

JAWOHL?

I'M DR.HFUHRUHURR.

DR. HFURRRR--OH,JA.

YOU AND YOUR WIFE

ARE EXPECTED FOR DINNER.

MY WIFE WON'T BE COMING.

OH. I TRUST

SHE IS NOT ILL.

SHE'S NOT ILL.

SHE'S A CHEAP, VULGAR SLUT!

JA,I'VE HEARD THIS.

[GROWLS]

DR. HFUHRUHURR, PLEASE.

NO, I'M SORRY, HE'S NOT IN.

THIS IS MRS. HFURRR...FF.

I'M JAMES GLADSTONE,

CALLING FROM NEW YORK.

I'M THE ATTORNEY

FOR DR. HFUHRUHURR'S

STEP-GRANDMOTHER.

I WANTED TO INFORM

THE DOCTOR OF HER PASSING.

PASSING WHAT?

SHE WAS CREMATED

THIS AFTERNOON.

WE NEED THE DOCTOR'S

SIGNATURE ON SOME DOCUMENTS

BEFORE WE RELEASE

HIS SHARE OF THE ESTATE.

UM...

HOW BIG IS THE ESTATE?

REBECCA...

WHY DIDN'T YOU

GIVE ME A SIGN?

[SIGHS]

I MISS YOU.

THE FUN WE HAD.

REMEMBER OUR SONG?

?? IF YOU LIKE-A ME ??

?? LIKE I LIKE-A YOU ??

?? AND WE LIKE-A BOTH

THE SAME ??

?? I LIKE-A SAY,

THIS VERY DAY ??

?? I LIKE-A CHANGE

YOUR NAME ??

?? 'CAUSE I LOVE-A YOU ??

Woman:

?? AND LOVE-A YOU TRUE ??

Both: ?? AND

IF YOU WOULD LOVE-A ME ??

?? ONE LIVE AS TWO ??

?? TWO LIVE AS ONE ??

?? UNDER THE BAMBOO TREE ??

Woman: ?? AND EVERY MORNING

HE WOULD BE ??

?? DOWN UNDERNEATH

THE BAMBOO TREE ??

?? AWAITING THERE

HIS LOVE TO SEE ??

?

?? AND TO HER HE'D SING... ?

??

?? IF YOU LIKE-A ME

Both:

?? LIKE I LIKE-A YOU ??

?? AND WE LIKE-A

BOTH THE SAME ??

?? I LIKE-A SAY,

THIS VERY DAY.. ??

MRS. NECESSITER?

?? I LIKE-A CHANGE

YOUR NAME ??

?

?? 'CAUSE I LOVE-A YOU ?

?

?? AND LOVE-A YOU TRUE ?

?? AND IF YOU LOVE-A ME

??

?? ONE LIVE AS TWO ??

?? TWO LIVE AS ONE ??

?? UNDER THE BAMBOO TREE ??

HELLO?

HELLO?

IS THIS A JOKE?

WHAT?

IS THIS A JOKE?

WHO ARE YOU?

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHO ARE YOU?

DR. MICHAEL

HFUHRUHURR.

DR. HFUHRUHURR?

MY GOD.

WHAT?

YOU'RE THE FIRST...OBJECT

THAT EVER PRONOUNCED IT RIGHT.

HOW ELSE COULD YOU

PRONOUNCE IT?

H-F-U-H-R-U-H-U-R-R,

ISN'T IT?

YES!

WHO ARE YOU?

ANNE. ANNE UUMELLMAHAYE

U-U-M-E-L-L-M-A-H-A-Y-E?

UUMELLMAHAYE?

YES. WHERE AM I?

IT'S SO DARK.

IN A DOCTOR'S LABORATORY.

AM I ALL RIGHT?

UM...NOT REALLY.

WILL I BE ABLE TO PLAY

THE PIANO AGAIN?

UM, I WOULD THINK--NO.

WHY DID YOU CALL ME

AN OBJECT?

I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T KNOW

WHAT ELSE TO CALL YOU.

WHY?

YOU DON'T KNOW?

NO, I DON'T.

PLEASE, TELL ME.

WELL...

MISS UUMELLMAHAYE, IT SEEMS

THAT YOU HAVE NO BODY.

WHAT HAPPENED

TO MY BODY?

IT'S DEAD. GONE.

YOU'RE A DISEMBODIED BRAIN

KEPT ALIVE BY A SCIENTIST.

BUT WE'RE TALKING.

I MUST AT LEAST HAVE LIPS,

A TONGUE, A THROAT.

NOTHING.

JUST A JAR.

OH! OH!

[SOBS]

DON'T CRY.

BUT HOW CAN I HEAR YOU?

MUST BE SOME KIND

OF TELEPATHY.

WHAT'S GOING

TO HAPPEN TO ME?

Necessiter: HANS TOLD ME

YOU WERE HERE. GOOD, GOOD.

NOW, LET ME SHOW YOU

THAT EXPERIMENT

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON.

NO! NO.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING

MORE IMPORTANT.

LISTEN, JUST LISTEN.

ALL RIGHT, SING.

Anne: ?? IF YOU LIKE-A ME

LIKE I LIKE-A YOU ??

?? AND WE LIKE-A BOTH

THE SAME ??

?? I LIKE-A SAY... ??

HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING

LIKE THAT IN YOUR LIFE?

I CAN'T HEAR

A THING.

OH, REALLY?

SHH.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

I WAS JUST WORKING

ON MY NEW TECHNIQUE

FOR WALKING IN CORDUROY PANTS

TO ELIMINATE THE SCRAPING

WHEN YOUR THIGHS RUB TOGETHER.

THAT'S VERY

EXCITING WORK, DOCTOR.

NOW, COME ON. LET ME

SHOW YOU WHAT I'VE DONE

FOR YOUR FRIEND

BECKERMAN.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

WHUP.

JUST ONE MOMENT.

Anne: WHAT HAPPENED?

NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU

BUT ME.

Necessiter:

DOCTOR!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

NO.

YOU CAN'T HEAR

ANYONE BUT ME.

IT IS SOME KIND

OF TELEPATHY.

I'M FRIGHTENED.

DON'T BE. THINGS ARE NEVER

AS BAD AS THEY SEEM.

YOU STILL HAVE YOUR BRAIN.

DR. HFUHRUHURR!

I'LL BE BACK.

JUST STAY HERE.

I BELIEVE YOU KNOW

THIS GENTLEMAN.

IS THAT

DR. BECKERMAN?

SORT OF. SEE,

I'VE DEVISED A MACHINE

THAT CAN TRANSFER THE

ENTIRE CONTENTS OF ONE BRAIN

INTO ANOTHER BRAIN.

UNDERSTAND, OF COURSE,

THAT THE BRAIN OF A GORILLA

IS SMALLER THAN A HUMAN'S,

SO MUCH OF DR. BECKERMAN'S

VAST KNOWLEDGE

COULDN'T BE ACCOMMODATED.

DR. BECKERMAN?

[GRUNTS]

THAT'S HIM ALL RIGHT.

WE NEVER DID LIKE TO

SHAKE HANDS WITH HIM.

HE MUST BE LONELY.

PERHAPS SOON WE'LL

FIND HIM A COMPANION.

COME, DOCTOR.

BYE.

I'M GOING UP

TO PACK MY CLOTHES.

CAN YOU SEND THE BELLMAN

UP IN   MINUTES?

YES, SIR.

"MY DARLING HUSBAND,

"BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS

I WILL BE DEAD.

"MY ONLY REGRET

IS THAT I CAUSED YOU PAIN.

"I HOPE

MY INSURANCE MONEY

"BRINGS YOU

SOME HAPPINESS.

"MAY I BURN IN HELL FOR

WHAT I HAVE DONE TO YOU.

"MY BROKEN BODY

WILL BE LYING

" FLOORS BELOW.

"AU REVOIR,

DOLORES."

Dolores: AAH!

NO!

YOU'RE ALIVE!

YES.

BUT THE SCREAM...

I WAS REHEARSING.

DON'T COME NEAR ME.

WHY ARE YOU

DOING THIS?

BECAUSE I'M EVIL.

YOU'RE NOT EVIL.

YOU'RE SICK.

SICK?

YES, FROM THE OPERATION.

JUST SCREW YOUR HEAD ON

A LITTLE BIT TIGHTER.

YOU CAN BE WELL.

IT'S NO USE, MICHAEL.

I'M NO GOOD FOR YOU.

AND, BESIDES,

YOU DIVORCED ME.

I'M MAKING

A CITIZEN'S ANNULMENT.

IPSO FACTO,

COITUS INTERRUPTUS.

I'M COMING TO GET YOU.

NO! STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

I CAN'T STAND HURTING YOU

ANYMORE, MICHAEL.

GOOD-BYE, MY DARLING.

NO!

[SUCTION CUP SOUNDS]

[SQUEEGEE SOUNDS]

[GASPS]

TAKE MY HAND.

YOU'RE SAFE

WITH ME NOW. AAH!

PUT YOUR ARMS

AROUND MY NECK.

I HOPE THIS IS STRONG ENOUGH

FOR THE BOTH OF US.

HANG ON.

UHH!

[SUCTION CUP SOUNDS]

Michael: UHH!

I DON'T HAVE

ANY MORE SALIVA.

I NEED YOURS.

Michael: UHH!

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT NOW.

OH!

THERE.

YOU'RE GOING

TO THE HOSPITAL.

NO, MICHAEL, PLEASE.

I WANT TO MAKE IT UP

TO YOU.

WHEN? THURSDAY?

HOW ABOUT MONDAY?

NEXT MONDAY?

TODAY, MONDAY.

LATER TODAY?

NOW.

RIGHT NOW OR LATER NOW?

NOWNOW.

WOW, WOW.

OH, I LOVE

A CLEAN, SMOOTH,

HAIRLESS CHEST.

I MEAN HAIRY.

HAIRY.

I NEVER KNEW

IT COULD BE LIKE THAT.

OH, IT WAS SO...

SO...

PROFESSIONAL.

WE ARE FINALLY UNITED UNDER

THE HOLY LAWS OF MATRIMONY--

IN SICKNESS

AND IN HEALTH,

TILL DEATH--

DO US PART.

[KISSES]

Anne: [FAINTLY]

HELP!

HELP!

HELP!

HELP!

HELP!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

DR. HFUHRUHURR.

IS DR. NECESSITER IN?

NO, SIR.

MAY I WAIT FOR HIM?

YES.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I MEANT,

MAY I WAIT INSIDE?

JA.

MAY I WAIT

IN THE LABORATORY?

OH, I'M AFRAID

IT'S LOCKED, SIR,

BUT YOU ARE WELCOME

TO WAIT IN THE DEN.

MAKE YOURSELF

COMFORTABLE, SIR.

PERHAPS I COULD

BRING YOU A DRINK?

YES. UH,

TAHITI TINGLE.

A TINGLE.

AND TAKE YOUR TIME.

AH.

[DOOR CLOSES]

DAMN.

[STRAINS]

AAH!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, SIR?

I'M FINE.

I'M FINE.

I JUST LEANED

AGAINST THE DOOR.

THE DOORS IN THIS CONDO

ARE PAPER-THIN.

EVERYTHING TODAY

IS MADE SO CHEAP.

HERE, LOOK AT THIS WALL--

LIKE PAPER.

HERE IS YOUR DRINK, SIR.

THANK YOU.

NOW CAN I GET YOU

ANYTHING ELSE, DOCTOR?

I AM ABOUT TO RETIRE.

REALLY?

YOU SEEM SO YOUNG.

NO. I MEAN RETIRE

FOR THE NIGHT.

OH. OH, NO, THANKS,

I'M FINE.

AND DON'T WORRY

ABOUT THIS.

I'LL HAVE IT REPLACED

IN THE MORNING.

MISS UUMELLMAHAYE?

MISS UUMELLMAHAYE?

Anne: [FAINTLY]

DR. HFUHRUHURR?

MISS UUMELLMAHAYE?

DR. HFUHRUHURR?

DR. HFUHRUHURR.

Michael: NO.

NO.

DR. HFUHRUHURR,

WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ME?

YOU'RE A GORILLA.

I DON'T FEEL

LIKE A GORILLA.

WELL, YOU SURE DO

LOOK LIKE ONE.

BUT I--I CAN'T BE.

I CAN'T SEE OR TOUCH...

OR ANYTHING.

MISS UUMELLMAHAYE?

CALL ME ANNE.

THANK GOD.

YOU'RE STILL A BRAIN.

OOPS!

HEY!

WHY DID YOU THINK

I WAS A GORILLA?

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT

DR. NECESSITER

HAS PLANNED FOR YOU.

BUT DON'T WORRY.

I HAVE OTHER PLANS.

[HUMMING]

[CONTINUES HUMMING]

YOU'RE IN MY ROOM NOW.

Anne:

WHERE IN YOUR ROOM?

IN A--

ON A GOLD LEAF

FLORENTINE TABLE

BY THE WINDOW,

OVERLOOKING A GARDEN.

OH, I CAN ALMOST

SMELL THE FLOWERS.

[SNIFFS] PHEW.

SLEEP WELL, ANNE.

GOOD NIGHT, MICHAEL.

GOOD NIGHT.

MMM.

YOU GETTING UP?

YEAH, YEAH,

JUST GETTING UP.

AHH.

I'LL ORDER US

SOME BREAKFAST.

YEAH. ORDER ME  SHEETS

OF BACON AND A PILLOW.

HMM?

HEY, KNOW WHAT

I'VE BEEN THINKING?

THERE'S NO NEED

TO RUSH HOME RIGHT NOW.

I'M DUE FOR A SABBATICAL,

AND THERE'S A LOT

OF EXPERIMENTATION

GOING ON IN THIS CITY--

A LOT OF SCIENTISTS,

A LOT OF BRAIN RESEARCH.

YOU KNOW, I COULD GO OUT

AND LOOK FOR A COTTAGE,

AND I COULD SET UP

A LITTLE LABORATORY.

WE COULD BE VERY, VERY

COMFORTABLE THERE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK

OF AN IDEA LIKE THAT?

YOU THINK I SHOULD GO OUT

AND LOOK FOR ONE RIGHT NOW?

WHATEVER YOU WANT.

DO YOU WANT ME

TO GO WITH YOU?

NO, NO, THAT'S NOT

NECESSARY, REALLY.

OH, BUT I'D LOVE TO.

OH, IT'S SO MUCH TROUBLE,

[KNOCK WITH

KNOCK] THE DRIVING

AND THE REALTORS.

YES?

MAY I TAKE THE TABLE?

OH, YEAH, COME ON IN.

IT'S REALLY...

AHEM.

MADAME.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT ISN'T NECESSARY

FOR ME TO GO.

I'D JUST BE IN THE WAY.

IT'S BEST.

I THINK I'LL JUST

SLIP...

OUT OF THESE CLOTHES

INTO A HOT BATH.

THAT'S GREAT.

THAT'S GREAT.

YEP.

[MISPRONOUNCES] AHEM.

YOU MUST BE DR. HFUHRUHURR.

HFUHRUHURR, YES.

CAN I GIVE YOU

A HAND, SIR?

NO, I'M FINE.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE THERE?

YOU HAVE A CUTE LITTLE

KITTY CAT IN THERE?

HELLO,KATZE.

PEEKABOO.

I SEE YOU.

AH, THAT'S CUTE--

ALL CURLED UP

IN THE LITTLE BALL.

[LAUGHS]

OH, YOU HAVE

NO HAIR. OHH!

SORRY. UM...

I'D LIKE TO SEE THE HOUSE.

[CLICKS HEELS]

SURE.

Michael: GUESS WHAT?

I FOUND US A COTTAGE,

AND I THINK WE OUGHT

TO GO THERE RIGHT AWAY.

WELL, WHAT'S THE RUSH?

WELL, I SET UP

AN EXPERIMENT,

AND I TOLD IT

I'D BE RIGHT BACK.

OH, YOU'RE DRESSED.

GOOD.

I'LL GO GET THE CAR.

LET'S GO!

Dolores: WHY ARE YOU

DRIVING SO FAST?

I JUST WANT TO SHOW YOU

OUR NEW HOME.

WHAT IS THIS EXPERIMENT

YOU'RE DOING?

JUST SOME BORING

BRAIN STUFF.

OH, YOU'RE NOT GOING

TO HAVE MICE AND RATS

IN THE HOUSE, ARE YOU?

NO, NO.

JUST SOME MICROSCOPES

AND TEST TUBES

AND BEAKERS

AND MAYBE A BRAIN.

A BRAIN?

JUST A SMALL -POUNDER.

YOU'LL NEVER SEE IT.

I'LL KEEP IT LOCKED UP.

Michael: RUTH WAS

THE GREATEST BASEBALL PLAYER

OF ALL TIME.

YOU NEVER SAW RUTH PLAY.

ON FILM, I DID.

MICHAEL, ARE YOU

ON THE PHONE?

UH, YES.

WELL, I'M WAITING FOR YOU...

IN BED.

WE'LL FINISH THIS TOMORROW.

MICHAEL,

IT WAS FUN TONIGHT.

IT WAS FUN FOR ME, TOO.

[YAWNS]

[KISSES]

DON'T YOU WANT

TO MAKE LOVE?

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

THAT'D BE GREAT.

I'LL TAKE THIS OFF.

NO, NO, NO. I CAN--

I CAN WORK AROUND IT.

OH, THAT FEELS SO...

OVER.

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING

BETTER AND BETTER.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

WHAT?

ARE YOU GOING TO BE

IN THERE FOREVER?

UH-HUH.

I MEAN, UH, NO, NO.

JUST ANOTHER

COUPLE OF DAYS.

OH.

WELL, I GUESS

I'LL JUST GO TO TOWN

AND TRY AND FIND

SOMETHING TO DO.

OH, DON'T GO.

BYE, DARLING.

I CAN SPEND

THE WHOLE DAY WITH YOU.

ARE YOU BUSY?

Anne: YES, BUT I'LL

CANCEL MY APPOINTMENTS.

[SIGHS]

THE WHOLE DAY.

I DON'T THINK

THERE'S A GIRL

FLOATING IN ANY JAR

ANYWHERE

WHO'S AS HAPPY AS I AM.

OH, MICHAEL,

YOU DO SO MUCH FOR ME,

AND I DO NOTHING

FOR YOU.

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR HEAD?

I'M SORRY.

I FORGOT.

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

YOU'RE THE MOST COMPLETE

WOMAN I'VE EVER KNOWN.

ALL MY LIFE, I WANTED WOMEN

WITH GREAT BODIES--

WOMEN WHO WERE  s.

AND NOW...

FOR THE FIRST TIME,

I'M AROUSED BY A MIND.

MICHAEL,

I WISH I COULD KISS YOU.

I'VE BEEN THINKING

ABOUT THAT.

REALLY?

YES, REALLY.

I, UH...

I BOUGHT YOU

A PAIR OF WAX LIPS.

I WAS GOING TO STICK THEM

ON YOUR JAR.

IS THAT CRAZY?

OH, NO.

PLEASE.

HOW DO I LOOK?

MICHAEL?

YES?

WERE YOU OUT

ON THE LAKE TODAY

KISSING YOUR BRAIN?

NO.

YOU DIDN'T TAKE

THE ROWBOAT OUT?

FUNNY.

THERE WAS A MAN

OUT THERE,

LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU,

KISSING A BRAIN.

MUST'VE BEEN

SOMEBODY ELSE.

SOMEBODY ELSE?

HOW MANY MEN ARE THERE

AROUND HERE,

DO YOU SUPPOSE, WHO LOOK

EXACTLY LIKE YOU

AND HAVE BRAINS IN JARS?

OH...

WELL, AROUND HERE,

MUST BE HUNDREDS.

OH, STOP IT, MICHAEL.

I KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING

WEIRD GOING ON

WITH YOU AND THAT BRAIN.

IT'S NOT WEIRD.

IT'S MY WORK.

OH.

IT'S YOUR WORK TO KISS

A DEAD BRAIN?

SHE'S NOT DEAD.

SHE'S ALIVE.

SO, NOW IT'S A SHE!

YOU CARE MORE ABOUT

THAT BRAIN THAN YOU DO ME.

MICHAEL, I AM YOUR COOK,

YOUR MAID, YOUR LOVER.

I'M UNDERSTANDING

ABOUT YOUR WORK.

I ALMOST THREW MYSELF OUT

A WINDOW BECAUSE OF YOU.

AND YOU,

YOU TREAT ME

LIKE A DOORMAT.

DOLORES,

I'M SORRY.

I--I JUST...

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I DIDN'T REALIZE

WHAT I WAS DOING TO YOU.

HELLO?

WHO?

MR. GLADSTONE?

WHAT MESSAGE?

WHAT?

GRANDMA NOONEY DIED?

NO, SHE DIDN'T TELL ME.

HOW MUCH?

MILLION.

FIRST THING MONDAY.

THE DAY YOU LEARNED

ABOUT MY INHERITANCE

IS THE DAY YOU STARTED

TO BE NICE TO ME.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

YOU ONLY STAYED AROUND

FOR THE MONEY.

WHAT OTHER REASON

COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE?

GOD!

Michael: IT'S

CITIZEN'S DIVORCE TIME!

FINAL DECREE!

UGH. SON OF A BITCH.

OOH!

[TICKING]

Anne: HELP!

HELP!

ANNE?

Anne: HELP!

[TICKING]

WHERE'S MY BRAIN?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

I'M BUSY.

I'M COOKINGCERVELLE

AU BEURRE NOIR.

CERVELLE

AU BEURRE NOIR?

I KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

I HAD THAT ONCE WHEN I WAS

IN THE ARMY IN FRANCE.

IT WAS A SMALL CAF?.

I WAS YOUNG. I WAS IMPETUOUS.

I'D EAT ANYTHING.

[SNAPS FINGERS]

CERVELLE AU BEURRE NOIR--

THAT'S--THAT'S--

THAT--

BRAINS IN BLACK BUTTER!

[LAUGHS]

OW! OOH! AHH! OHH!

OK, ANNE.

OH, PLEASE

SAY SOMETHING.

Anne: UHH, I THINK

I'M ALL RIGHT.

COUNT TO.

...

.

[BANGS ON SINK]

YOU!

YOU COOKED HER s.

OUT!

OUT OF MY HOUSE!

OUT OF MY LIFE!

IF YOU LAY ONE FINGER

ON ME, I'LL KILL YOU!

YOU KILL ME,

AND I'LL SEE

THAT YOU NEVER WORK

IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!

NOBODY'S GOING TO KEEP ME

FROM WORKING IN THIS TOWN!

HA!

GODDAMN!

UHH!

UHH!

MY BALLS!

OW!

Dolores: OW!

I'LL GET YOU!

I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!

I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS,

YOU NIGGER-KIKE-WOP!

INTO THE MUD,

SCUM QUEEN!

AAH!

Michael: YOU'LL NEVER GET

A PENNY OF THAT INHERITANCE.

FIRST THING MONDAY,

I'M DONATING IT

TO CRANIAL RESEARCH

FOR THE POOR.

[SPITS OUT MUD]

BY MONDAY,

YOU'LL BE DEAD!

[DOOR SLAMS]

ANNE.

ANNE.

Anne: MICHAEL, WHO DID YOU

CALL A SCUM QUEEN?

OH...

JUST SOME SCUM QUEEN.

I'M FRIGHTENED, MICHAEL.

I FEEL SO STRANGE.

I FEEL THE WORLD

SLIPPING AWAY.

IF ONLY WE COULD BE

TOGETHER--

REALLYTOGETHER.

WE CAN, DARLING.

OH, WE CAN.

DR. NECESSITER,

I WANT TO BECOME

A BRAIN.

WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

I WANT YOU TO BUILD

A TANK FOR.

I WANT YOU TO PUT ME IN

WITH ANNE UUMELLMAHAYE.

ANNE UUMELLMA-WHO?

UUMELLMAHAYE.

BRAIN   TO YOU.

SO, YOU'RE THE ONE

WHO STOLE BRAIN.

WHERE IS IT?

IN THE TRUNK OF MY CAR.

I TOLD HER IT WAS A BOX SEAT

AT THE VIENNA OPERA.

HERE ARE MY INSTRUMENTS.

DO I UNDERSTAND YOU

CORRECTLY?

YOU WANT ME TO REMOVE

YOUR BRAIN

AND PUT IT IN A TANK

WITH NUMBER  ?

YES! WE CAN

COMMUNICATE.

WE'RE IN LOVE.

THAT'S THE ONLY WAY

WE CAN BE TOGETHER.

PUT ME IN A TANK.

THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE.

AS YOU KNOW, MY RESEARCH

HAS ADVANCED TO A POINT

WHERE I CAN PUT HER MIND

INTO THE BODY OF A GORILLA.

I COULDN'T FUCK

A GORILLA.

YES, I KNOW,

BUT THERE IS ONE OTHER

ALTERNATIVE--

A HUMAN SUBJECT.

ARE YOU SAYING YOU CAN

PLACE HER THOUGHTS

IN ANOTHER WOMAN'S BODY?

IN THE PAST WEEK, I'VE HAD

NEAR SUCCESSES.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

NEARSUCCESSES?

IN MY RECOVERY ROOM

ARE  SUBJECTS

WHO DO NOTHING BUT THIS...

[RAZZES]

BUT I THINK I'VE SOLVED

THE PROBLEM!

WHAT KIND OF LIFE

WOULD THAT BE?

THIS IS MY WIFE.

[RAZZES]

OH, I KNOW HER.

SHE'D HATE THAT.

I'D RATHER KEEP HER

IN A JAR.

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE HER

THERE FOR LONG.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

IT'S A MIRACLE

SHE'S STILL ALIVE.

SHE'S OUTLIVED

EVERY BRAIN I'VE HAD.

YOU'LL BE LUCKY

IF SHE SURVIVES THE WEEKEND.

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?

WAIT.

WAIT FOR WHAT?

FOR THE ELEVATOR KILLER

TO STRIKE AGAIN.

ANNE COULD BE DEAD

BY THEN.

I'LL CHECK THE HOSPITAL,

THE MORGUE--

EVERYWHERE DEAD BODIES

HANG OUT.

I'LL GET HER A BODY.

I'LL PREPARE

THE LABORATORY,

AND IN CASE

YOU'RE NOT SUCCESSFUL,

I'LL HAVE THE GORILLA

WIRED AND READY.

I'LL GET

A BODY!

WILL THIS DO?

SHE JUST--

SHE JUST DOESN'T

HAVE ANY...

VA-VOOM.

SHE IS DEAD, YOU KNOW.

STILL...

YOU DON'T LIKE

ANYTHING HERE?

NO. NOTHING REALLY

LEAPS OUT AT ME.

OOH.

ACTION'S STIFF.

I CAN FILE DOWN

THAT SEAR PIN.

LET ME HAVE A BOX

OF DUMDUMS.

THEY'RE ILLEGAL, MADAM.

SO IS KILLING

YOUR HUSBAND.

[CLICK]

Michael: OH,

IF SHE WERE ONLY DEAD.

Woman: AAH!

YEAH!

[PEOPLE TALKING

IN GERMAN]

SHE IS DEAD.

LET ME THROUGH.

I'M A DOCTOR.

I'M A DOCTOR.

YOU'RE TOO LATE.

GOOD.

I MEAN, OH.

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

SHE'S PERFECT.

SHE'S ALIVE.

SHE'S DEAD. SHE'S DEAD.

SHE'S GOT TO BE DEAD!

[CROWD YELLING

IN GERMAN]

DEAD, DEAD, DEAD.

[COUGHS]

Man: CRAZY MANIAC!

[CROWD CONTINUES

TALKING IN GERMAN]

[GROWLS]

NEED A BODY.

YEAH.

"IN DILMAN'S GROVE,

"MY LOVE

DID DIE."

DRIVER...

FOLLOW THAT CAR.

[CAR HONKS HORN]

BEAUTIFUL.

WHERE CAN I SEE

THE REST OF YOU?

MAMA.

WHERE CAN WE GO?

[WHINY VOICE] WELL,

WE CAN GO TO MY ROOM.

IT'S ON

THE FOURTH FLOOR.

MY NAME'S FRAN.

I'M AN AMERICAN.

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I'M

A MEMBER OF THE PIECE CORPS.

[SNORTING LAUGH]

GET IT?

WHAT IS IT?

MY VOICE?

DID I BLOW THE DEAL?

I KNEW I SHOULDN'T TALK

UNTIL I MAKE THE DEAL.

I KNOW MY VOICE

IS TERRIBLE.

IT IRRITATES PEOPLE

SO MUCH

THEY USUALLY JUST WANT

TO KILL ME.

KEEP TALKING.

KEEP TALKING.

OH, GOOD.

I NEVER GET TO TALK.

MY WHOLE FAMILY

LOVES TO TALK.

COME ON IN, HONEY,

AND MAKE YOURSELF

AT HOME.

I'LL, UH...

BE RIGHT OUT, OK?

?? DUKE, DUKE, DUKE ??

?? DUKE OF EARL, EARL ??

YOU LIKE MUSIC?

THAT'S MY FAVORITE SONG,

YOU KNOW?

?? DUKE OF EARL,

EARL, EARL ??

?? DUKE OF EARL,

EARL, EARL ??

?? DUKE OF EARL ??

COME ON, DUKE, WE'RE

GOING TO HAVE SOME FUN.

?? DUKE, DUKE, DUKE

OF EARL, EARL, EARL ??

[SINGINGDUKE OF EARL]

Michael: IT'S MURDER.

NO, IT'S NOT MURDER.

HER BODY WILL

STILL BE ALIVE...

??

?? DUKE OF EARL

BUT HER MIND

WILL BE DEAD.

??

?? DUKE OF EARL

BUT HER BODY...

HER BODY.

I CAN HAVE IT ALL--

THE PERFECT MIND

IN THE PERFECT BODY.

YES.

YES.

KILL.

KILL.

YES.

YES. YES.

KILL HER. YES.

YES. YES.

KILL HER.

KILL, KILL, KILL.

KILL HER. YES, YES.

I CAN'T.

CAN'T WHAT?

I CAN'T INJECT YOU

WITH WINDOW CLEANER.

I DON'T MIND.

HEY, WHAT DOES IT DO,

ANYWAY?

IT CAUSES YOUR BRAIN

TO DIE LAST.

I DON'T MIND.

[DOOR OPENS

AND CLOSES]

IT'S MY VOICE.

DAMN.

WELL...

WHAT AREYOU

DOING HERE?

DOLORES.

YOU.

YOU'RE THE ELEVATOR

KILLER.

MERV GRIFFIN.

YEAH.

WHY?

I DON'T KNOW. I'VE ALWAYS

JUST LOVED TO KILL.

I'VE REALLY ENJOYED IT.

BUT THEN I GOT FAMOUS,

AND IT'S JUST

TOO HARD FOR ME.

I MEAN, SO MANY WITNESSES.

I MEAN, EVERYBODY

RECOGNIZED ME.

I COULDN'T EVEN LURK

ANYMORE.

I'D HEAR, "WHO'S THAT

LURKING OVER THERE?

ISN'T THAT MERV GRIFFIN?"

SO I CAME TO EUROPE

TO KILL,

AND IT'S REALLY WORKED OUT

VERY WELL FOR ME--

UNTIL NOW.

Michael:

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

YEAH, ISN'T SHE?

THIS MAY BE

THE ONE THING

THAT SAVES OUR MARRIAGE.

HEY, YOU GOING

TO TURN ME IN?

I DON'T HAVE TIME.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE

TO TURN YOURSELF IN.

PROMISE ME.

I PROMISE.

I AM NEVER TAKING YOU

ANYWHERE AGAIN.

ANNE, ARE YOU

ALL RIGHT?

Anne: I'M VERY...

VERY SLEEPY.

ANNE,

STAY AWAKE.

LOOK, I GOT

MERV GRIFFIN'S AUTOGRAPH.

I'M SLEEPY.

OH, MY GOD.

Anne: [WEAKLY]

MICHAEL...

ANNE, STAY WITH ME.

SOON.

HELP ME. SOON WE'LL

BE TOGETHER.

[SIREN]

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

HUH?

[REPEATS QUESTION]

OH, I'M SORRY, OFFICER.

OH, YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

GOOD.

THAT'S BETTER. WE HAVE

MORE ROOM DOWN THERE NOW.

LICENSE?

DOCTOR...

HFUHRUHURR?

YES.

WHAT'S THE RUSH?

AND WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH HER?

SHE'S JUST DRUNK--

DEAD DRUNK.

UH-HUH.

AND YOU?

YOU HAVE A LITTLE

TO DRINK, TOO, HMM?

OH, NO, NO, NO,

I DRON'T DINK.

DON'T DRINK.

MM-HMM.

GET OUT OF THE CAR.

STRETCH OUT YOUR ARMS

AND TOUCH YOUR NOSE

WITH YOUR FINGER.

HMM.

NOW WALK

THIS WHITE LINE.

HALT!

COME BACK.

ON YOUR HANDS!

ONE HAND.

NOW DO ROLL OVER, TURN

OVER, AND FLIP-FLOP.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW JUGGLE THESE,

DO A TAP DANCE, AND SING

THE CATALINA MAGDALENA

LUPENSTEINER WALLABEINER SONG.

GODDAMN, YOUR

DRUNK TESTS ARE HARD.

?? CATALINA MAGDALENA ??

?? LUPENSTEINER

WALLABEINER ??

?? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

WHAT'S HER NAME? ??

ALL RIGHT,

YOU'RE NOT DRUNK.

YOU CAN GO.

MY ORANGES.

[STARTS ENGINE]

NOW DRIVE CAREFULLY.

WAIT!

SHE'S NOT DRUNK.

SHE'S DEAD!

DEAD? MY GOD,

I BETTER GET HER

TO A CEMETERY RIGHT AWAY.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[CRASH]

Officer:

OH, MY GOD. OHH!

[SPEAKING GERMAN]

JA. JAWOHL.

[SPEAKING GERMAN]

Anne: VERY SLEEPY.

ANNE, DON'T GO TO SLEEP.

WALK AROUND. WALK AROUND.

ROTE MERCEDES.

DAS ES DAS. SCHNELL!

SCHNELL, SHCNELL, DUMKOPF.

[SIREN]

HALTEN, HALTEN.

[SPEAKING GERMAN]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[SPEAKS GERMAN]

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

COME ON.

BAR THAT DOOR.

YES, SIR.

NECESSITER!

SCHMIDT, WE NEED

A BATTERING RAM.

RIGHT AWAY, INSPECTOR.

Woman:JA?

EXCUSE ME. COULD WE

BORROW A BATTERING RAM?

YOU'LL RETURN IT?

JA.

GUT.

Inspector: HURRY, HURRY!

ONE...

...

!

ON !

ONE...

...

!

AAH!

AAH!

DR. NECESSITER!

CHEER UP, DEAR BOY.

HAVE A DRINK.

THERE'S NO TIME

FOR DRINKS.

ANNE IS DYING.

YOU'RE DYING, I'M DYING,

MY MACHINE IS DYING.

MY WONDERFUL MACHINE.

WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

IT WON'T START.

IT'S BROKEN.

WELL, THERE MUST BE

SOME WAY TO FIX IT.

AAH!

OOH!

INSPECTOR, INSPECTOR.

DR. NECESSITER.

THE TRANSFORMER

OF YOUR MACHINE--

ARE YOU AWARE

IT'S COIN-OPERATED?

GOOD LORD.

I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT.

WHEN I BUILT THE MACHINE

I USED THE GUTS OF A VIDEO GAME.

QUARTERS, QUARTERS.

I'VE GOT  QUARTERS.

JUST ENOUGH

FOR THE TRANSFERENCE.

ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT?

Anne: ALL RIGHT.

READY NOW.

SET THE HEMOFARCAL

OVERLOAD,. .

HEMOFARCAL

OVERLOAD,. .

[FANFARE]

SEPTUM LUDEGATION

FACTOR O. .

SEPTUM LUDEGATION

FACTOR O. .

AORTIC PETRIFICATION

RATIO  OVER.

AORTIC PETRIFICATION

RATIO  OVER.

[COUGHS]

[COUGHS]

SET THE THERAMIN

AT.

THERAMIN,.

[MACHINE WHISTLING]

ACTIVATE MAIN TRANSFERENCE

NUMBER.

IT'S OPEN!

RETURN THE RAM!

HERE IS YOUR RAM.

THANK YOU.

FOLLOW ME.

...

...

...

!

STOP! YOU'RE UNDER

ARREST FOR MURDER.

WE ARE NOT MURDERING!

WE ARE RESURRECTING!

MOVING LIFE FROM ONE BODY

TO ANOTHER!

YOU ARE PLAYING GOD!

SOMEBODY HAS TO!

THE DOGMAS OF THE QUIET PAST

ARE INADEQUATE

FOR THE STORMY PRESENT!

THE OCCASION IN PILED HIGH

WITH DIFFICULTY,

AND WE MUST RISE

TO THE OCCASION!

WHOO! FOR COPIES

OF THIS SPEECH,

SEND ONE DOLLAR TO BOX

STONE MOUNTAIN, GEORGIA!

HE'S CRAZY.

NO.

AAH!

[PINBALL MACHINE BELLS]

AAH!

DON'T TOUCH THAT!

WELL, THE OPERATION

SEEMS TO BE A SUCCESS...

BUT THE DOCTOR DIED.

UH...

WHERE AM I?

YOU'RE IN OUR OWN

HOSPITAL, MY BOY.

HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN HERE?

YOU'VE BEEN HERE

WEEKS.

YOUR WIFE IS HERE.

SHE'S IN

THE WAITING ROOM.

WHOSE BRAIN DOES SHE HAVE?

WHOSE BRAIN

DOES SHE HAVE?

DOES SHE TALK...

OR DOES SHE GO...

[RAZZES]

NO, SHE TALKS,

MICHAEL.

[LAUGHS]

NO, NO, NO.

YOU'VE BEEN

IN BED  WEEKS.

YOU DON'T HAVE

THE STRENGTH.

I'M STRONG ENOUGH.

I WANT TO SEE HER.

NURSE, TELL MRS. HUFFER

THE DOCTOR'S AWAKE.

HFUHRUHURR.

WAIT.

I DON'T WANT HER

TO SEE ME LIKE THIS.

I WANT TO BE ON MY OWN  FEET.

THERE.

YOUR HUSBAND IS AWAKE

AND CAN SEE YOU.

HE'S AWAKE?

WHAT'S WRONG?

I NEVER TOLD HIM

I WAS A COMPULSIVE EATER.

I'VE GAINED SO MUCH WEIGHT.

MICHAEL.

ANNE...

UUMELLMAHAYE?

YES, MICHAEL.

YOU'RE NOT DISAPPOINTED

I'M SO FAT?

WHAT FAT?