I Am Ambassador

 (The episode opens on I.R. Baboon holding a sock-puppet I.M. Weasel and feeding him milk from a milk bottle.)

I Am Weasel in: "I Am Ambassador"

I.M. Weasel: "I Am Ambassador."

(I.R. feeds himself some milk as well.)

I.M. Weasel: "No way!"

Story by: 

Richard Pursel

Storyboard by: 

Ken & Beth Mitcheroony

Gordon Clark

Art Director:

Deane Taylor

(A 20-ton weight crushes I.R.)

Directed by:

David Feiss

Robin Steele

I.M. Weasel: "Oh, we work well together."

(The episode opens on a beach in Baja, where I.R. as a cop swims around, doing his typical victory dance and swimming like a dolphin.)

I.R. Baboon: (singing) "Ah. I.R. relaxing! I.R. relaxing! I.R. relaxing! I.R. relaxing!"

(He flops on the beach and then tries to flop on his lawn chair, but he misses it instead, crash-landing on the beach. He chuckles embarrassingly and then lands in his lawn chair, grabbing a lemonade glass and drinking from it.) 

I.R. Baboon: "Dis is life! Forced vacation best idea Police Chief have for I.R.!" (He raises his drink and then sees a pair of surfer dudes carrying a lumberjack saw in his direction. I.R. sees the rusted saw blade too late, as his head is decapitated by the surfers. Fortunately, I.R. has ducked his head at the last minute as his umbrella topples off its sawed-off pole.) "Who dat? Those men endanger I! What wrong with they?!"

(The surfers stop and stand on a road with their saw held out in front.)

Craig: "There! This is gonna be rad, huh, Carl?"

Carl: "Total, huh?! When that bus of Canadians comes around the corner, we'll take those guys hostage! Ha! Then, we can trade them for a forest of our very own!"

Craig: (tearing up) "Oh, dude, we've waited so long!" (sniffles)

Carl: "Don't cry, Craig! We'll cut down each tree together and carve surfboards for the masses! Ha! It'll be swee-heet!"

(The two friends hold the saw together, as the school bus comes around the corner as expected. On board is a troop of Canadian Beaver Scouts for their annual jamboree.)

Canadian Beaver Scouts: "Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques, Dormez-vous, eh? Dormez-vous, eh? Sonnez les matines, sonnez les matines Ding ding dong, ding ding dong."

(The bus hits the saw, tearing off the roof and sending the beavers falling right in front of the surfers.)

Canadian Beaver Scout #1: (panicked) "Sacre Bleu! Woof! Zat one big saw you possess! Woof, woof, woof, woof!"

(Craig nods his head, "Yes.".)

Carl: "Fully, and, it's sharp, too, dude!" (Craig and Carl show off their saw blade.)

(The Beavers huddle to stay alive, fearfully.)

(Meanwhile, at Mt. Rushmore on the border of North Dakota and South Dakota, a celebration is being held for the demolition of the Great Wall of Dakota. As a wrecking crane moves in to tear down the wall, I.M. Weasel stands with the governors for both seperate states.)

Governor #1: "Uh, thanks, Ambassador Weasel, for reuniting the North and the South!"

Governor #2: "Yes!" (clears throat) "Indeed! We are finally one Dakota!" (He rests in the first governor's arms.)

I.M. Weasel: "Your happiness is my reward. Thanks to you, this day is a day of peace." (At that moment, the wrecking ball brings in a screaming Canadian Mountie through the wall and right in front of Weasel, holding an envelope for Weasel.) "Mountie Express. This must be urgent." (He opens the envelope with his teeth and holds up a picture.) "Holy Mackerel!" (He sees the picture of the surfers threatening to execute the Beaver Scouts.) "French Canadian Beavers are being held hostage in Baja!" (The governors look at the picture with curiosity.) "Canada needs beavers!"

(Meanwhile, a crowd has gathered to see the Beaver Scouts laying underneath the saw blade, as Craig and Carl prepare to make their move.) ​​​​​​ ​​​​​​Canadian Beaver Scout #1: "So, we should make a run for it, oui?"

Canadian Beaver Scout #2: "Me no, Jean-Paul. One nick from that rusty blade could give you lockjaw!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #1: "Yes. First, your spine starts to curve because."

Canadian Beaver Scout #3: "Zen, your shoulder blades arch to meet your ankles."

Canadian Beaver Scout #4: "And your jaw clenches shut! You starve to death!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #5: "And then, you get a little angeniuex."

Canadian Beaver Scouts #1-#4: (correcting him, grumpily) "No, you don't!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #4: "Your back snaps!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #5: "Oh, eh?"

Canadian Beaver Scout #2: "And, believe you, moi, dat is not a pretty way to die!"

(At last, Weasel arrives through the crowd, holding a megaphone in his hand.)

I.M. Weasel: "I.M. Weasel! What seems to be the problem?"

Craig: "Dude! We need trees to log and to make into surfboards! We want a Redwood forest by noon tomorrow, or the Beavers get it. Get it?" (He and Carl hold the saw above the Beavers.)

Carl: "Uh... I get it."

I.M. Weasel: "Good Heavens, and that blade looks rusty, too."

Jean-Paul: "We have not had our tetanus shots." (shivers)

I.M. Weasel: (shocked) "What?!"

Jean-Paul: "Oui! It is such a tragedy big time that we are so... stupid!" (He starts crying, as he is patted by his friend.)

I.M. Weasel: (to Craig and Carl) "Boys, I know how you feel! Surfing is a wonderful and fulfilling activity! But, these beavers are innocent!" (The Beavers nod their head, "Yes.".) "You really don't want to harm them. You simply want to make quality surfboards with quality logs!" (He gets too close to Craig's face with the megaphone.) "You want to be loggers like your father before you, and your father's father,  ​​​​​​and your father's father's father, and your fa-"

Craig: (shouting) '''"STOP!" '(His shout causes Weasel to land on the ground, followed by the megaphone.)'' "Look: Bring us a Redwood forest, and we'll make the most burly surfboards you've ever seen, dude."

I.M. Weasel: (getting the megaphone off his head) "And if I get you a forest, you will let these beavers go?" (The boys nod their heads, "Yes.".) "Then, you will have your forest, or I Am Not Weasel!" (He scurries off for Oregon as the crowd cheers him on, until I.R. arrives.)

I.R. Baboon: "That Weasel think he so big! I.R. take over for real negotiatings. WHO WANT PIZZA?!" (The crowd laughs at his shiny red butt. Poor Baboon takes offense to this and screams at the crowd to shut them up. He then turns to Craig.) "Weasel underestimate you. Why ask for just forest? You hold up a hand! Make more demand!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #3: "Ask for all the hockey rings!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #2: "Oui, and hockey pucks!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #4: "And hockey sticks!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #5: "And gollies, eh?"

Craig: (to I.R.) "Dude, look! Get the Beavers their gear, or else!" (He slashes his finger across his throat, his veins throbbing.) "Dude."

I.R. Baboon: (shocked) "What I do?"

(Meanwhile, in Oregon, I.M. Weasel meets up with a forest salesman named Eugene Oregon.)

Eugene Oregon: "All the trees in Oregon, you say?"

I.M. Weasel: "Yes." (He hands him a wad of dollar bills.) "Do you take cash, Mr. Oregon?"

Eugene Oregon: (accepting the cash) "Of course. Just call me Eugene. You got yourself a deal, Mr. Weasel!" (He shakes hands with Weasel.)

I.M. Weasel: "Thanks, Eugene."

(A newspaper then swirls into view, showing Weasel and Eugune accepting the deal.)

Announcer: "Weasel buys all trees in Oregon!"

(Soon, all the forests of Oregon have been cut down, as all the trees have been put on each truck bound for Baja. Weasel stands on the cab of the first truck and then blows his whistle.)

I.M. Weasel: "All right! Move 'em out!"

(He gets in the truck and leads the convoy of trucks south to Baja California.)

(By now, I.R. is getting exhausted of listing down the Beavers' demands on a long list.)

Canadian Beaver Scout #3: "And badminton!"

Jean-Paul: "Curling!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #4: "Dufrene the Giant!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #2: "Oh, Mr. Dress-Up!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #4: "Rocket Robin Hood!"

Canadian Beaver Scout #3: "Maple syrup!"

​​​​​​Canadian Beaver Scout #5: "The New Adventures of Pinocchio, eh?"

I.R. Baboon: (snapping) "THIS INSANE! How I ever meet all demands?"

(A truck horn is heard, and a grove of trees appear. Weasel has arrived with the trucks loaded with trees at last!)

I.M. Weasel: "You wanted a forest, gentlemen? Behold!" (He shows the trees to Craig and Carl, who sob and hug each other with joy.)

Carl: "Righteous!"

Craig: "Cool, dude!"

Carl: "Rad!"

(The Beaver Scouts cheer and run over to their hero.)

I.R. Baboon: (popping up) "I think you forgetting something." (He zips away.)

(The Beaver Scouts carry Weasel in front of the crowd and over to the forest, where Craig and Carl are ready to cut down the first tree. The two boys wave the go ahead with their fingers and bring the saw to the tree, until they hear I.R. shouting.)

I.R. Baboon: '''"WAIT!" '(I.R. holds up a bag in front of the gang.) ''"I bring you something for to make forest complete!" (He opens the bag to reveal a pair of spotted owls.) "Spotted owls!"

(The spotted owls fly on a tree branch, stunning Craig and Carl. They attempt to cut down the tree in vain, until the first owl motions them to stop.)

Spotted Owl #1: (to Craig and Carl) "Stop!" (The boys shudder with each other.) "You can't destroy our homes!"

(The two owls hold up a bunch of signs.)

Spotted Owl #2: "We're endangered, you know!"

(I.R. Baboon stands triumphant, until the gang corners him.)

Craig: (angered) "Dude! Now, we're gonna have to make a surfboard outta you, Baboon."

(I.R. Baboon runs for his life, as Weasel, Craig, Carl, and the Beaver Scouts follow him in pursuit along the coastline.)

I.R. Baboon: (pleading) "No! No! Don't do no surfboard! But, I not have tetanus shooooot!"

(Iris Out) ​​​​​​ ​​​​​

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