Vocal Hero

(Setting: inside the palace. A tour guide leads a group of people down a hall.)

Tour guide: Together now, people. We're walking, we're walking... We are now approaching the royal throne room. Behind these doors the sultan toils ceaselessly for the welfare of all citizens of Agrabah.

Sultan:  (runs past)  Ho ho ho ho! More jewels! More jewels! Must get more jewels for the dancing donkey!

Tour guide: What would our nation be without the royals?

(Setting: the throne room. Aladdin and Jasmine are looking at a mechanical donkey.)

Aladdin: Where did you say your father got this contraption?

Jasmine: It just showed up in the throne room this morning.

Aladdin: I'm lookin' at a donkey, but I'm smellin' a rat.

Sultan:  (runs into the room carrying a pile of jewels)  I have the jewels! Ho ho ho!

Donkey:  (with Iago's voice)  Feed me a jewel and watch me dance.

(Sultan puts a jewel in its mouth; the donkey stands up and dances)

Sultan: Wonderful!

Donkey:  (stops dancing)  Feed me more jewels. Don't be stingy now.

Sultan:  (puts the rest of the jewels in its mouth)  Oh, no no no. Mustn't be stingy.

Aladdin: Hmm... Abu, listen... (whispers to Abu, who then runs off)

Jasmine: What did you tell him?

Aladdin: Watch.

Donkey: We're running low on diamonds in here.

(Abu removes a bolt from the donkey, and it breaks in half; Iago is inside controlling it.)

Iago: Donkey can't dance without... without... Why, this isn't the palace of King Wasatutu! Why, I... when I get a hold of the chumps who delivered me to the wrong address... Pow! Zoom! Awk!

Sultan: Are you trying to make a fool of me, Iago?

Iago: Oh, there's a challenge. Did I say that out loud?

(Setting: the palace entrance. Sultan throws Iago outside.)

Iago: Aaah! Ow!

Sultan: And you'll stay out until you learn some respect.

Iago: I don't need your charity. I'll just live in the gutter and eat scraps and stagger to an early grave.

Sultan: I'm glad you've made arrangements.

Iago: That worked.

Sultan: If that flapping sound is Iago, tell him I'm not in.

Jasmine: Father, look out!

(Amin Dimoola flies in through the open door, wearing a pair of winged shoes.)

Amin: Surprise! It's me. Amin Dimoola. The prince of thieves. (sprinkles some powder on Sultan)

Rasoul:  (trying to attack Amin)  Hold still, you sticky-fingered parasite!

Sultan: Ah, ah, ah, ah CHOO!

(Sultan turns into a gold statuette.)

Aladdin: Sultan!

Jasmine: Father!

Amin:  (puts the statuette in his hat)  Oh, I've been meaning to pick up one of these. So long, keep in touch, don't be a stranger! (flies back out the door)

Aladdin: Carpet! After him! (Aladdin, Abu, and Carpet follow him)

Jasmine: Don't let him get away!

(Setting: the sky above Agrabah)

Amin: Hurry, you sluggardly slippers! (the shoes fly erratically; Amin ends up upside down)

Aladdin: Let's show those loafers some real flying!

(Amin flies towards a spire, feet first)

Amin: Watch out for the spire! Go around! Go around!

(One shoe goes right, the other goes left)

Aladdin: Ooh, that  had  to hurt.

Amin:  (dizzily, carrying the broken-off spire between his legs)  I'm all right.

(Carpet flies up to Amin while he's disoriented; Aladdin takes the sultan's statue back)

Aladdin: Back to the palace, Carpet!

Amin:  (to his shoes)  Turn around, turn around. (they turn him upside down)  Right side up, you nincom-pumps!

Aladdin: Well, you're safe now, Sultan.

Amin: I have a few tricks under my belt yet, Aladdin. (reaches into his pants)  Behold! (pulls out his boxers)  My shorts! No. Wait. That's wrong. Sorry. (throws them away, reaches back into his pants and pulls out a monkey's paw)  Behold! The Monkey's Paw of Mamoon-Ra! Now, how did that spell go? Give me a minute, uh, oh, yes! Monkey paw, monkey paw, hear my rhyme, take to the sky and get what's mine! (throws the paw; it flies back to him with the boxers)  No, not those, the sultan, you silly simian appendage!

(The paw flies in front of Aladdin.)

Abu: Ew, yuck!

(The paw grabs Aladdin's nose and grabs the sultan when he drops him.)

Aladdin: Ow!

(The paw brings Sultan back to Amin.)

Amin: Good job, my disembodied friend.

Aladdin: Head 'im off, Carpet!

Amin: Monkey paw, monkey paw, hear my poem, make Aladdin leave me alone!

(The paw flies at Aladdin's face; he knocks it down. It falls down and staggers disoriented to the edge of Carpet, then falls off. Abu watches sadly, and takes off his hat.)

Aladdin: Amin Dimoola's just a common thief. Where'd he get all these magical devices?

(Abu chatters to him.)

Aladdin: You're right, we need our own magical device. Ah, of all the time for Genie to go visit friends!

(Genie is in a palace with Napoleon, folding a newspaper.)

Genie: We fold this here, this over like this, and voila! A boat!

Napoleon:  (puts it on his head)  C'est un chapeau!

Genie: Like I said, it's a hat!

(Setting: the sky above the palace)

Amin:  (to the shoes)  No, no, you're headed the wrong way!

Aladdin: We've almost got 'im, Carpet!

Amin:  (pulls a cotton swab out of his pants)  Aladdin forces me to use the Swab of the Seven Samurai!

(Cotton shoots out of the swab, trapping Aladdin and Abu)

Aladdin: Ahh! What is this stuff?

(Setting: outside the palace. Jasmine is looking up at Aladdin and Amin; Iago is sunbathing in a folding chair, wearing sunglasses.)

Jasmine: Don't just sit there, Iago. Help them.

Iago: As a newly appointed outcast, my job is to sit here and bask in the irony.

Jasmine:  (annoyed)  Oh! I'll see that you're reinstated.

Iago: Okay, throw in kitchen privileges and you've got a deal!

Jasmine: Do the words "parrot kebab" mean anything to you?!

Iago: Uh, can't talk. Gotta rescue Sultan!

(Setting: the sky)

Amin: I love this thing! (kisses the swab)  Ew, wax.

(Carpet flies Aladdin and Abu back to the palace and drops them in the fountain, washing off the cotton.)

Jasmine: Aladdin, are you all right?

Aladdin: We're fine, but Amin's escaping with your father.

Jasmine: Oh, it's all up to Carpet and Iago now.

(Setting: the sky)

Iago: Yo! Flappy feet! Slow down a second. We should team up. Be partners. I've got a plan that could make us both very rich.

Amin: Why should I listen to you?

Iago: Why, if you let me rescue the sultan, the reward will be...

Amin: What?!

Iago: Well, a lot more than you can imagine!

Amin: I don't know. I can imagine quite a bit.

Iago: Me, too. And I promise you'll get a full ten percent.

Amin: Ten percent? Never!

Iago: Sweetheart! Ten percent is nothing to sneeze at! Lay your baby blues on this! (shows him a diamond)  And there's more where this came from.

Amin: Oh, yeah... the sparkly, pretty... No! No! I cannot! I refuse to be distracted by the lure of mere wealth.

Iago: Mere wealth? What are you, daffodil cuckoo-boy now? Mere wealth?

Amin: I'm on a specific mission. I don't want to hear it! Go away, I say! Go! Go! (crashes into a building, dropping Sultan)  I'm all right...

Iago:  (catches Sultan)  Ha! That was easy. Amin Dimoola, king of pain. (imitating Amin) "I refuse to be distracted..." (crashes into a different building, dropping Sultan)  Ooh!

Amin:  (catches the statue)  Dimoola saves it on the rebound! Yes!

Iago: I love makin' the deal; I hate doin' the job. (slides down the side of the building, Carpet catches him)  Awk!

(Carpet and Iago follow Amin. Amin shoots cotton at them, but Carpet dodges it)

Amin: I'm beginning to feel harassed!

Iago: Could we go back for my stomach? Ah!

(Carpet drops Iago and wraps around Amin, capturing him. Amin drops Sultan.)

Amin: What the...? Oh!

(Sultan falls toward a canyon filled with flowing lava.)

Iago: My meal ticket! I mean, the sultan!

(Carpet drops Amin and dives after Sultan. Amin's shoes fall off; he grabs one of them to keep himself from falling.)

Amin: I could have taken a winged camel, but  no! I wanted the shoes!

Iago:  (diving after Sultan)  Oh, great, here comes another nosebleed! Awk!

(The statue falls into the lava. Carpet flies around franticly, looking for him.)

Iago: I failed you when you needed me most, Princess! If only I could've flapped a little harder! Yeah, that sounds good. (some lava splashes up and burns his tail)  Awk! Hey! Gettin' quick-roasted was not part of this bargain!

(Some lava splashes up again, throwing the statue up into the air. Carpet catches it.)

Iago: Now  that  was impressive. If you don't make rug of the year, somebody bribed the judges. (Carpet flies away from him)  Hey, wait a minute!

(The shoe Amin isn't holding onto starts kicking him; he lets go of the other and starts to fall.)

Amin: No!

Iago: All right, I'm begging! Let  me  return the sultan to the princess! I can't leave the palace. It's got tapestries, marble floors, indoor plumbing!

(Carpet sees Amin falling, throws Sultan to Iago, and catches Amin.)

Iago: And I wasn't even through groveling yet!

(Setting: the palace, on a balcony)

Jasmine: Oh, they've been gone too long!

Rasoul: That's what happens when a sultan trusts his safety to a street rat.

Aladdin: I'm too worried to resent that comment, Rasoul. Ah, if only Genie were here...

(Genie appears wearing a safari outfit and with his head shrunk.)

Genie: Travel tip, Al. Never  greet a witch doctor with a joy-buzzer handshake. (grows a new head)  Lucky I packed a spare.

(Iago, Carpet, and Amin fly toward them.)

Jasmine: They're coming!

Iago: You shoulda been there! The sultan plunged to certain doom in a fiery chasm. I dove, dodging red-hot geysers, choking in the sulfurous fumes. It was a million to one, but I did it.

(Carpet shrugs.)

Jasmine:  (shows Sultan to Genie)  What do you think, Genie?

Genie: Very nice. Franklin Mint?

Aladdin: It's the sultan, Genie. Look, can you change him back to the way he was?

Genie: You mean, all soft and squishy? Oh, ho. No problem! Hmm... All we need is some toenail of griffin. (starts looking through his suitcase)  Sorry, Jas. Fresh out. I used all my griffin toenail on last night's pizza.

Amin: You won't find any  anywhere! My client cornered the market months ago. He has a thing for griffins.

Aladdin: Who are you working for, Amin?

Amin: I'll never tell! We thieves have a strict code of honor!

(Setting: the dungeon, a little while later. Amin is suspended by shackles on his wrists above a pit of crocodiles that are snapping at his feet.)

Amin: Maybe, I should tell.

(A magic portal appears; through it we can see Mozenrath in his throne room.)

Mozenrath: This is no time for idle hanging around, Amin.

Amin: Mozenrath, the magic dust turned the sultan to gold just as you said it would. You the man.

Mozenrath: I'm disappointed in you, Amin. We agreed that if I provided the magic you'd do the footwork.

Amin:  (dodging the crocodiles)  I  am  doing the footwork!

Mozenrath: Oh, poor Amin. A two-dinari thief could've owned Agrabah by now with the bag of tricks I've given you! But, it has been amusing to watch you fail.

Xerxes: Watch you fail!

Amin: Just a little more time and I'll prove my worth to you. Really!

Mozenrath: You've got two tricks left. Retrieve the statue, and I will make you the most respected thief of the Seven Deserts. Fail, and you will spend the rest of your life repaying me for my kindness. Win-win for me, win-lose for you. (closes the portal)

Xerxes: Amin loser.

Amin:  (pulls a piece of cloth out of his pants)  The Belt of Invisibility! (he wraps it around himself and vanishes, then escapes from his shackles)

(Setting: the royal treasure room. Genie places the golden statuette of the sultan on a pedestal.)

Genie: You'll be safe here, your bric-a-brac-a-ness!

Iago: After my death-defying rescue, the sultan would surely reward me with a personally selected tidbit from the royal treasury. A little something loaded with meaning and sentiment. But, since he can't pick it out himself, I'll just have to settle for quantity.

(Turns into a vacuum and sucks up Iago.)

Genie: Let's leave that for the sultan to decide, shall we? (Shoots Iago out into the hallway; he falls in a vase with a splash.)

Iago: Okay, who's been spittin' in the vases?

(Setting: a hallway in the palace)

Aladdin: Which cell did you put Amin Dimoola in, Rasoul?

Rasoul: Number nine.

Aladdin and Jasmine: Number nine?

Jasmine: That's the crocodile pit!

Rasoul: Well, I, uh... I must have forgotten. (laughs)

(Setting: the dungeon. Aladdin, Jasmine, Abu, and Rasoul enter Amin's cell and see the empty shackles.)

Aladdin: We're too late. Now we'll never know who Amin was working for!

(The cell door slams shut, trapping them inside.)

Aladdin and Jasmine: What?

Aladdin: There's no one out there!

Amin: Surprise! (takes off the belt and reappears)  Look who has a magic belt of invisibility!

Aladdin: What? But where'd you get that...?

(The portal reappears, showing Mozenrath's face.)

Mozenrath: From me. It was just taking up space in my closet.

Aladdin: Mozenrath! So now you're hiring common thieves to do your dirty work?

Mozenrath: Anything to squeeze a few more hours into the day.

Aladdin: It'll take more than just a few cheap tricks to beat us, Mozenrath!

Mozenrath: Big words from someone behind bars in his own dungeon. (to Amin)  Now get along, you. I want that sultan.

Rasoul: You'll never get past my guards!

Amin: What the guards can't see they can't catch. (disappears)

Jasmine: Leave my father alone, Mozenrath. I'll give you anything.

Mozenrath: Before I'm done, Princess, you'll give me everything.

(Setting: a hallway in the palace. Iago climbs out of the vase.)

Iago: This is no way to treat a hero! (sees Amin's wet footprints leading toward the treasure room)  Either I'm seein' things or... somebody got a new belt of invisibility!

(Setting: the dungeon. Abu is picking the lock of the cell.)

Aladdin: Hurry, Abu! We have to protect the sultan!

Aladdin: Way to go, Abu!

(Setting: the treasure room. Genie is guarding the sultan dressed as a commando.)

Genie: My eye is keen. My aim is true. My gun is big. My every sense is alive! I see! I hear! I smell! ... I smell a little  too  much.

(Amin carries the sultan away while Genie is talking; Iago watches him.)

Iago: Ah, let's see, a belt of invisibility on your average two-dinari thief would hang just about... here! (pulls the belt off of Amin)

(Amin runs into the hall and sees Aladdin and the others)

Amin: But, they can't see me, because I'm...

Aladdin: There he is!

Amin: I'm... not invisible.

(They chase Amin back into the treasure room. Genie sees him and turns into a tank.)

Mozenrath:  (watching from the Land of the Black Sand)  This is what I get for subcontracting.

(Amin pulls out a gem.)

Mozenrath: Ha! His last trick. The Stone of Transformation.

Aladdin: The game's over, Amin.

Jasmine: Give us the statue!

Amin: Oh, Stone of Transformation, turn me into a... a... oh, I don't know... a griffin!

Mozenrath: No, no! Not a griffin!

Amin:  (starts transforming into a griffin)  Hey, it worked!

Jasmine: If we could just get a toenail...

Aladdin: We'll be lucky if he doesn't get ours. Genie, stop him!

Genie: I can't! I might hit the sultan!

(Amin as a griffin crashes through the roof and flies away)

Aladdin: Come on, Carpet. After 'im!

(Carpet, Aladdin, and Genie fly off after Amin. The griffin shoots laser beams from its eyes, hitting Genie, who is zapped into into many tiny Genies wearing parachutes.)

Genie: Aah!

Aladdin: Genie!

Genie: Don't worry, Al. I'll be right back as soon as I pull myself together.

(Setting: the balcony)

Iago: If only there was something I could do to help! Unfortunately, I am but a tiny parrot and...

Jasmine: And perfect for fighting that griffin!

Iago: I am?

Jasmine:  (holds out the Belt of Invisibility)  You can sneak up on him and rescue Father!

Iago: I can?

Jasmine: Or, I can put the guards on parrot alert.

Iago: Uh, the things I do to support an indulgent lifestyle... (puts on the belt and disappears)

(Setting: the sky)

Aladdin: We have to make him drop the sultan.

(A laser hits Carpet; Aladdin is thrown off but lands on the roof of a building)

Iago:  (tickling the griffin)  Kitchie-kitchie coo! (Amin drops the sultan)  There he goes again. This guy is the plummeting champion of the world! (catches the statue)  Gotcha!

(Carpet picks Aladdin back up, he and Genie fly after Amin.)

Aladdin: Now's your chance, Genie.

Genie: One Genie whammy on its way! (sees the griffin about to zap him and holds up a mirror)  Just look at what that expression does to your face.

(The laser reflects back on Amin, who changes back to normal, singed, and falls to the ground)

Mozenrath: Today is the first day of the rest of your miserable life.

Amin: I suspected as much.

(Setting: the throne room)

Aladdin: Okay, we got rid of Amin, but we still need some clipping of griffin toenail to restore the sultan.

Iago: Ahem. While I was tickling, I engaged in a little griffin grooming. (holds out a griffin talon)

Aladdin and Jasmine: A toenail!

Genie: Uno momento! (turns into a chef and starts grating the toenail above the golden statue; the powder turns Sultan back to normal)

Sultan: Genie! Stop that this instant!

Jasmine: Oh, Father!

Sultan: I don't know what's happened, but I'm sure Iago has something to do with it. What's that bird doing back in the palace?

Iago: Your majesty! I am cut to the quick. Not only have I saved your life  twice,  but I have a nifty little belt of invisibility for you, too.

Aladdin: Where is that belt, anyway?

Jasmine: I have a pretty good idea.

(A pile of bananas floats by.)

Jasmine:  (pulls the belt off Abu)  Going somewhere, Abu?

(Abu drops the bananas, everyone laughs.)