Night Light

(The episode launches with SpongeBob reading at night in his pineapple home.)

SpongeBob: (Reading) "And slowly, ever so slowly...the ancient crypt door creaks open... And from the festering brine of the darkest darkness, crawled forth monsters of such vile nature, whose appearance was so hideous and threatening, that the author died trying to recount them in this novel!" (Closes the book and shudders.) That story sure is scary! But it's only a story, right, Gary? (Gary is literally stiff with fear. He quakes and falls on his side. SpongeBob picks him up and puts him into bed next to him.) Why don't you sleep up here tonight, Gary? (Silence.) Well, I guess I'll be turning off the light now. (He does so.) Sure is dark. (He then sees a green monster with its brain protruding from his head in the dark. He gasps, screams and turns the light back on to reveal his inflatable raft chair.) Oh, it's just a chair! I guess I'm imagining things in the dark. (He turns off the light and hears a knocking on his window. He turns to it and sees that there's a shriveled green claw knocking.) Another monster! (He turns on his light to reveal it's a green coral branch floating in the current.) Ah, it's just a coral branch. Nothing to be scared of! (He hears a creaking sound as if his door had opened.) What was that? (Turns the light on and off multiple times, seeing monsters over and over. The next day, at the Krusty Krab...)

Mr. Krabs: Hey, Squidward, have you seen SpongeBob?(At that moment, a very drowsy and tired SpongeBob walks in. We see a close-up of his 5 O' clock shadow, bloodshot eyes, and droopy nose.)

Mr. Krabs: Whoa. You don't look so good, laddie.

SpongeBob: Oh, it's nothing, Mr. Krabs. I just had a rough night. But it's nice and bright today!(He walks into the kitchen and we hear a big clatter from outside. Mr. Krabs bursts through the kitchen door.)

Mr. Krabs: Meanderin' mermaids! What's all this racket, boy?(We see SpongeBob running around in circles with a pot on his head.)

SpongeBob: Oh, oh!!! The dark! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! (Mr. Krabs pulls it off his head.)

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, get a hold of yourself.(SpongeBob is silent, but then blinks and screams.)

SpongeBob: Ahhh!!! (Blinks) Ahhh!!!(Blinks) Ahhh!!! Blinks) Ahhh!!!(Blinks)

Mr. Krabs: What is it now, boy?

SpongeBob: (SpongeBob blinks)Ahhh!!!(Blinks)Ahhh!!! Whenever I blink, I see nothing but the darkness!

Mr. Krabs: Then don't blink.

SpongeBob: Brilliant idea, Mr. Krabs.(Puts two french fries between his eyelids to prop them open.)

SpongeBob: Yes, it's working... (His eyes are unable to function properly, and shut. The french fries snap and go flying.)Ahhhh!!!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, that's enough! We've got 15 orders to fill! Now go in the cooler and get some fresh patties.

SpongeBob: You want me to go in there?(He points to the freezer. It is dark, and frost drifts out. We pan in on the darkness, and a man's head appears, holding a flashlight up to itself and laughing while making an irritated expression. It seems to swirl around the doorframe. SpongeBob screams and clings to the kitchen ceiling.) Save me! The darkness! (Mr. Krabs prys him off and pulls him down.)

Mr. Krabs: Now look, lad. Your work is starting to affect me profits. You need to get yourself some shut-eye. Why don't you go get yourself a night light?

SpongeBob: Night light?

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, boy! It'll keep your room lit, so you won't be scared stiff!

SpongeBob: Great idea, Mr. Krabs. (That night, SpongeBob browses Barg 'N' Mart wearing his green pajamas and nightcap.)Night lights.... (Sees a whole wall of them in different shapes and colors at the end of an aisle. He sees one that he likes in particular.) Oh, it's beautiful! (He walks up to the cashier, who is a purple, female fish with blonde hair and her employee vest over her pajamas.) Excuse me! Are these night lights guaranteed to keep the creepy creatures of the dark away?

Cashier: If I answer "Yes", will you leave the store sooner?(Cut back to SpongeBob's pineapple the same night. He plugs the night light into the outlet, and it illuminates the room slightly with a blue color.)

SpongeBob: Now that I can see... (Jumps up and floats into bed.) Woo-hoo! I can sleep! (He yawns and pulls over the covers. But suddenly, he screams again.) I wonder what's in my dark, scary-looking bathroom! (Screams again and returns to Barg 'N' Mart.) Ahh!!! Night light! Night light! (We see a shot of the cashier, sipping coffee, as SpongeBob panics and darts to the back of the store. Then, he approaches the camera, night light in hand. He leaves a dollar on the counter.) Oh, thank you! (At home, he plugs it in.) Whew. Then, he screams, seeing that his closet is dark. He runs back to Barg'N Mart again.) Another light, please! Oh, thank you. (He runs home and puts a night light in his closet, but notices that his hallway is dark. He runs to and from and to and from Barg'N Mart. Then, back at home, we see him plugging in the rest of the night lights.) There, there, there, and there. (Plugs one into an outlet in his medicine cabinet, under his fridge, in his toilet, and the back of Gary's shell.) I've been meaning to change your tail light anyway, Gary. (He giggles. We see his whole living room is covered with a wall of millions of night lights.) Now there's not one square inch of dark!

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: What was that, Gary?

Gary: Meow.(SpongeBob gasps and rolls his eyes in, like he did in Plankton, to see his brain in the back of his head.)

SpongeBob: You're right, Gary! I've got darkness inside of me!(He turns on two flashlights and sticks them in his eye sockets. Outside his pineapple, the whole thing seems to be glowing orange from all the lights. It wakes Patrick up, and he walks outside.)

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob's having a party without me? (Walks over to SpongeBob's pineapple and knocks on the door.) Throw a party without your best friend? We'll see about that...ahh!(SpongeBob opens the door and yanks Patrick inside.)

SpongeBob: That was close, Patrick! You're safe here under these night lights. But you gotta stay out of the dark, buddy! You never know what kind of creepy critter could be lurking in those shadows!

Patrick: Oh!(Patrick starts shuddering, and runs out. SpongeBob follows, but gets bounced back be the door, into his chair beside Gary.)

SpongeBob: Wait, Patrick! (He hear a thundering sound and the ground shakes.) What is that, Gary? (We see Patrick's rock smash through the wall and he slides it into SpongeBob's pineapple. Gary climbs on the armrest of SpongeBob's inflatable chair that he's in as it's pushed into the other wall, where it pops. SpongeBob runs over to Patrick, who is panting and out of breath.) Patrick, what are you doing!?!

Patrick: Oh! I had to move my rock out of the dark and into the light.

SpongeBob: You know what that means? (He somersaults into the air and dies a flip. He lands on a neon light that says "Sleepover". Confetti sprinkles from the roof, and SpongeBob's tongue rolls out like a noisemaker.) Sleepover! (He jumps down, two sleeping bags in hand. He bows and presents one to Patrick.) Your sleeping bag, sir.

Patrick: Thank you, my good man.(Both unroll theirs in a regal manner, hop inside each of theirs, and dance to a sea shanty. When they're done, they laugh.)

SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick! I'm so glad you made that gaping hole in the wall, letting in all t-t-t-t-t-t...

Both: THE DARK!!! (They both scream and jump out of their sleeping bags. They stand on the other side of Patrick's rock, away from the hole, and under the lights. Meanwhile, at Squidward's house, the light reflects off of his picture frame, to his vanity-dresser mirror, to his hand-held mirror, and to his sky roof window, where it shines down on his eyes, covered by a sleeping mask. The light laser burns his eyes to a crisp.)

Squidward:'Aaahhhhh!!! BURNING!!! (He cools his eyes with his glass of water on his nightstand. Through his singed, blackened, and charred eyes, he looks out the window to see that it's another one of SpongeBob and Patrick's escapades. Back at the pineapple, SpongeBob and Patrick cling to each other, quivering and shivering.)

SpongeBob: I can feel it, Pat. The darkness. Like it's creeping up on us...(Squidward darts in front of them.)

Squidward: What are you two whimpering about?(Both scream, and Patrick jumps into SpongeBob's mouth for protection.)

Squidward: It's me, Squidward, you idiots!(Patrick pops out of SpongeBob's mouth.)

Patrick: Hi, Squidward!

Squidward: Listen, guys. I don't care or want to know what you do in your spare time. But could you turn off all these lights?

SpongeBob: But, Squidward! Without our night lights, the creepy creatures of the dark-

Squidward: Oh, SpongeBob, there are no creepy creatures. It's all in your imagination.(Squidward starts nearing the exit, when Patrick drags behing him, tugging on the back of his nightgown.)

Patrick: No, Squidward! Don't go out in the dark! (The back of Squidward's nightgown tears off.) Oh, why won't he listen?(Patrick cries over SpongeBob's shoulder, and SpongeBob consoles him by giving him a pat on the back.)

SpongeBob: Patrick, maybe Squidward's right. What if all this is all in our imagination?

Patrick: Well, in that case, we'll need even more lights!

SpongeBob: You said it, Pat!(They run outside and return with a huge neon sign.)

Patrick: Quick, SpongeBob! Turn it on! (He does so. The light says "Pinky's Dance Studio" and has mechanical swaying legs with fishnet tights on.) Now, SpongeBob! More lights! (They run out and return with a spotlight. Patrick shines it on his face, which causes it to become all hard and crusty.) More lights! (They run to a lighthouse and Patrick tips it over onto SpongeBob. Then, they carry it into SpongeBob's house through the hole Patrick made, and slide it onto Patrick's rock. The whole house is elevated because of this, until it snaps in half and the bottom half lands like normal. We see the top helf is lifted by the lighthouse. The light from it shines on the cracks from the brozen house and into the sky, causing it to look like an "M". Cut to the rest home, where superheroes Mermaidman and Barnacleboy sit on a couch watching TV. Barnacleboy has dozed off.)

Fish #1: (On TV) The battery-operated spoon has saved me so much time.

Mermaidman: (Sighs) This is what passes for info-tainment these days? (Sees the "M" light in the air and mistakes it for the "MermaSignal". ) Sweet mother of Neptune's mother! Look, Barnacleboy! A call to action! To the Invisible Boat Mobile!(Cut to SpongeBob's pineapple home.)

Patrick: More lights, SpongeBob! More lights!(They crash into Mermaidman and Barnacleboy.)

SpongeBob: Mermaidman!?!

Patrick: Barnacleboy!?!

SpongeBob: Aww... Are you guys here to protect us from the darkness that surrounds us?

Mermaidman: We don't have time for your childish games! We're responding to the distress signal that you sent!

SpongeBob: Oh, I'm sorry, Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. There appears to be a misunderstanding. You see, Patrick and I put up those lights to scare away the monsters of the dark! We weren't trying to summon you.

Mermaidman: Oh, fiddlesticks, SpongeBob. Do you know how hard it is for us... in our advanced age... to move? Don't shine a giant light in the sky unless there's a real emergency. (Cut to a super villain dressed like a white moth. He cackles, and flutters towards SpongeBob's house.) And another thing: What the-!?! (He sees the moth villain.) Dear Neptune! It's the most dangerous and foreboding of all our arch nemesis-- My mortal enemy whom I have searched 57 years for! At last, I have you! (The Moth laughs manically and Mermaidman gets his fists up.) Come get some, fiend! (The Moth kicks Mermaidman in the nose, and it throbs and swells.) Come back here, rival! (He becomes weary and heroically naps on Patrick's rock.)

SpongeBob: Oh my gosh! Mermaidman needs assistance! There is no need to fear, AbsorboPants is here!(The Moth flies towards the lighthouse, and SpongeBob runs up it, too. The Moth cackles.)

The Moth: Savory light, come to me... Huh?

SpongeBob: Say, let me help you! (He grabs the Moth and locks him inside of the lighthouse window with the light beacon. The Moth flutters around frantically and screams.) Is that enough light for you? (SpongeBob laughs, then jumps down to the heroes and Patrick.) Okay, guys, he's all taken care of.

Mermaidman: Who?

SpongeBob: The Moth, silly! Your archenemy. You'll be happy to know he won't be going anywhere anytime soon!(At that moment, the Moth pushes up on the lighthouse and flies away, taking SpongeBob's house with him.)

The Moth: See you in another 57 years!(He laughs wickedly as he flutters away.)

Mermaidman: No!!!

Barnacleboy: I think it's time to go home, Mermaidman.

Mermaidman: Why are we here again?

SpongeBob & Patrick: Bye, Mermaidman & Barnacleboy!

Mermaidman: Who are those to hideous creatures of the dark?

Barnacleboy: (Yawning) Oh, I'll tell you about it in the morning. Now, drive!

(Mermaidman and Barnacleboy zoom off.)

SpongeBob: We're all alone, Patrick. No light. No shelter.

(The two cry and hug each other. Then, it is dawn and the sun rises.)

Patrick: Look, SpongeBob, there's a really big light! I'll go get it, buddy!

(He runs up a beam of light to the sun.)

SpongeBob: Pat! Come back...(He yawns and falls asleep on Patrick's rock. Then, Patrick comes down from the sun, his tail end flaming.)

Patrick: Too much light! Too much light! Ahhh!!!