Texas

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Texas" from season 1, which aired on March 22, 2000.

Plot
SpongeBob: Good morning, Bikini Bottom! Ahh, what a beautiful day! (SpongeBob's hand appears from a sand castle pineapple with his face drawn on his hand) I wonder if Patrick's at home.

Patrick: Hiya SpongeBob! (Patrick's hand comes over from a sand castle rock with his face drawn on his hand) Whatcha doin'?

SpongeBob: Goin' over to Sandy's place. (both hands walk off together and arrive at a sand-made treedome) Hey, what's this? This doesn't look like Sandy's place.

Sandy: Don't lose your barnacles boys. Hi-yah! (Chops sand castle peak down making a sand image of Texas) There it is!

SpongeBob: What is it?

Sandy: Can't you see? It's Texas.

SpongeBob: Texas? What's a Texas? (wave covers sand and ruins Sandy's Texas display)

Sandy: Ohh, it's nothing but a memory now.

SpongeBob: All right then. Let's make one of your tree dome.

Sandy: You know, all of a sudden, I don't feel like sand castles, SpongeBob. I'll see y'all later. (walks off)

SpongeBob: Sandy? Hi-yah!

Sandy: Aww, SpongeBob, I'm not feeling up to karate now.

SpongeBob: Oh-ho. I get it. Not feeling up to karate, huh? Whatever you say Sandy. (Turns around) Boy, I hope Sandy doesn't attack me from me from behind. Hi-yah! (grabs Don the Whale from behind and flips him over onto the ground. Don growls and punches SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Uhh, Sandy? (surfs in the air) Surf's up Sandy!

Sandy: No, thanks. (enters Jellyfish Fields. Jellyfish are heard buzzing)

SpongeBob: (Runs after a jellyfish with a net) Boy, there's nothing like going jellyfishing! (Patrick runs after one while laughing, then falls on his face. He gets up and runs again)

SpongeBob: Look Sandy, we caught one!

Sandy: Listen, SpongeBob. Right now, I don't want to build sand castles, play karate, or eat jellyfish.

SpongeBob: (laughs) We don't eat 'em! We let 'em go!

Patrick: Fly away, little critter!

SpongeBob: Go on, go back to where you belong. (the jellyfish flies away as Sandy watches) Run along, back to your family and friends. I know they miss you as much as you miss them. Hurry, before they forget you and leave you behind. Remember: there's no place like home! (Sandy cries filling her helmet with tears. She takes a flusher handle and attaches it to her helmet, then she pulls it down and all the water drains out. Sandy gasps for air and pants) Sandy, what the heck are you crying about?

Sandy: I ain't crying! My helmet just sprung a leak!

SpongeBob: Sandy...

Sandy: Oh, I guess I'm just feeling a little homesick.

SpongeBob: Homesick, huh? (Sandy is blindfolded as SpongeBob and Patrick take her somewhere)

Sandy: Doggone it, SpongeBob, what is it?

SpongeBob: Ta-da! (the three are standing outside the Treedome)

SpongeBob and Patrick: Welcome home Sandy!

(Sandy cries and runs into the treedome)

SpongeBob: Sandy?

Sandy: Go away. (pulls a lever wich brings down a metal covering on the treedome)

SpongeBob: I don't get it, Patrick! What's wrong with Sandy?

Patrick: Maybe it's just a squirrel thing.. (a hole opens up in the top of the dome and Sandy comes out wearing a cowboy hat and holding a guitar. Sandy tunes it)

Sandy: (Singing) Wish I was back in Texas, The ocean's no place for a squirrel.(live action Texas scenery appears behind her) Wish I was in texas, pretteist place in the world oh no. I guess that deep in my heart, I'll always be a Texas girl. I wanna go hooooooooooooooome, home. (some clams howl along. Spongebob and Patrick hear the music)

Spongebob: (gasps) Patrick do you hear that? (Patrick has the notes going around him)

Patrick: Arrrgh! Get them off me! Get them off me!

Spongebob: Wait, Patrick, listen.

Sandy: (continues singing) I wanna wake up in texas. (live action secnery is shown) I miss those wide open skies. I miss my 20 acres, barbecues and pecan pies, oh, why? When I'm so far from you Texas, all I can do is cry. (a live-action squirrel sheds a tear. Spongebob and Patrick start sobbing. At the Krusty Krab Mr. Krabs hears the song to and starts sobbing also and accidently gets hit by the cashier. Two customers are also sobbing; one dries his eyes with his Krabby patty and gives it to the next person who blows his nose on it.) I wanna go hoooommme. (Junior Brown's voice) I wanna go home. (as she sings she goes back into the Treedome. Spongebob and Patrick continue sobbing and then stop)

Patrick: Do you think she knows the Muffin Man song?

Spongebob: Patrick. she sang that song from her heart. She really misses Texas.

Patrick: So why don't we bring some of Texas down here!

Spongebob: Patrick you can't..that's it! Patrick, your genius is showing!

Patrick: Where?

(Spongebob and Patrick have gotten everything ready at the Krusty Krab)

Spongebob: Everything looks perfect. We're going to get Sandy now.

Mr. Krabs: (from inside) Well hurry up lad! We can't squat frorever like this!

(at Sandy's house where SpongeBob & Patrick are playing leap frog while going to her treedome)

SpongeBob and Patrick: Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! Sandy's surprise is at the Krusty Krab!

Patrick: Wait until she sees the...

SpongeBob: Shh! Don't spoil the surprise! (SpongeBob knocks, Sandy opens her door.)

SpongeBob and Patrick: Hey Sandy!

SpongeBob: You want to come with us to the Krusty Krab?

Sandy: (walks out with 2 suitcases) Hey SpongeBob. Hey Patrick.

SpongeBob: What are you doing with those bags?

Sandy: I'm going back home to Texas.

SpongeBob: What?! Now?! You can't! I mean...

Sandy: It's time for this tumbleweed to tumble on home.

SpongeBob: Wait Sandy! You can't! Uhh, we we're gonna...the...the...Krusty Krab...that is not the right direction! Wait, if you don't...I can't...augh! Sandy! Wait a second! You don't wanna leave without having one last Krabby Patty down at the Krusty Krab?

Sandy: I'm tired of fish food, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: But, Sandy, don't you want to say good-bye to all your friends down at the Krusty Krab?

Sandy: (gets on a bus) I just can't do that, SpongeBob. It'll be too sad.

SpongeBob: No, no! Wait! Sandy! (bus drives off) I can't believe she's gone.

Patrick: Yeah. What's so great about dumb ol' Texas? (bus speeds back; doors open revealing a very angry Sandy.)

Sandy: What did you say?

Patrick: Texas is dumb.

Sandy: Don't you DARE take the name of Texas in vain!

SpongeBob: You mean we can't say anything bad about dumb ol' Texas?

Sandy: No, you can't!

Patrick: Then can we say people from Texas are dumb?

Sandy: No! You can't say nothing about Texas!

SpongeBob: (gets idea) Oh, so you mean we can't say anything bad about... (turns around; grabs his behind and shakes it and rolls eyes) Texas!

Sandy: (face gets red) I'm warnin' you, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Look Patrick, I'm Texas! Duh, howdy, y'all! Howdy y'all!

Patrick: I'm Texas too! Get a dog little longie! Get a dog!

SpongeBob: Howdy y'all!

Patrick: Get a dog little longie! Get a dog!

Sandy: Y'all best cut it out!

SpongeBob: (while Patrick does armpit farts) The stars at night are dull and dim, whenever they have to be over dumb ol' stupid Texas! (Sandy gets steaming mad. Spongebob turns into the shape of Texas) Hey Patrick, what am I now?

Patrick: Uhh, stupid?

SpongeBob: No, I'm Texas!

Patrick: What's the difference?! (SpongeBob and Patrick laugh)

Sandy: (drops suitcase) Y'all better apologize, or I'll be on you like ugly on an ape!

SpongeBob: You'll have to catch us first! (SpongeBob and Patrick run) We did it! We got her!

Patrick: Krusty Krab, here we come! (turns head around to Sandy) Can we say that plants from Texas from dumb? Can we say that shoes from Texas are dumb?

SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, that's enough.

Patrick: Why? You think that old slowpoke Texas is gonna... (Sandy catches up with them) RUUUUUNNNN!!!!!!!

SpongeBob: Run faster, Patrick! (both of them scream; they go around each side of a huge rock. Sandy crashes through the rock and walks to us. Her shoe engulfs the screen, Sandy ropes Patrick and brings him into the background)

Patrick: Ahh! SpongeBob! (Nuclear explosion is heard. SpongeBob screams. SpongeBob stops in front of a leaf and Sandy karate chops the leaf and SpongeBob in half)

Sandy: Hi-yah! Y'all better take back what ya said!

SpongeBob: No! (gets back together) Almost there! (runs toward the Krusty Krab. Sandy's rope turns into the shape of SpongeBob; Spongebob screams. As SpongeBob jumps for the Krusty Krab, Sandy throws her rope. Spongebob hangs onto the door as Sandy pulls Spongebob towards her)

Sandy: SpongeBob, you've been messing with the bull! Now here come the horns!

SpongeBob: Sandy, no! (the front of the Krusty Krab tears off as Sandy has pulled tight enough)

Everyone: Howdy, y'all!

Sandy: Wha-what's this?

SpongeBob: It's a party!

Patrick: (hops over with arms and legs tied and covered in bandages) For you!

Sandy: For me?!

SpongeBob: It's your own little slice of Texas! Check it out Sandy! We got square dancing... (Flats is holding a square) ...giant Barbecues... (Squidward is holding a sharp, spiky Q) ...homemade peas-in-a-can pie... (Pearl is holding a pie with a can of peas in it) ...and we got our very own 10 gallon hats! (SpongeBob and Patrick put on ten gallon water jugs on their head) So, what do ya think? Are you gonna stay?

(Sandy starts to laugh and tears of laughter spew out and fill her helmet. Sandy uses her flush handle to drain it all out)

SpongeBob: Don't cry anymore, Sandy. I'll get your bags.

Sandy: I ain't crying, I'm laughing! I appreciate what y'all are trying to do, SpongeBob, but home isn't about barbecues and pecan pies, home is where you’re surrounded by critters that care about ya. (Everyone gathers around Sandy)

Sandy: Huh, duh. What am I doing? I was home all along, and it took me until now to realize it.

SpongeBob: Does that mean you'll stay?

Sandy: I'm staying! (Everyone cheers)

SpongeBob: That makes me feel all wiggly.

Patrick: Yeah, who needs dumb ol' Texas? (cuts back to live action Island)

Sandy: What did you just say?!

Patrick: Should I start running now?