1776

(George Washington standing on a cliff looking out with the American flag as a cloak)

Announcer: From the people who claimed 300 is a true story comes a tale about our nation's birth.

(John Hancock comes up from behind Washington)

John Hancock: General Washington, the Redcoats out number us a billion to twelve.

George Washington: Fear not, American, for tonight, we die in Virginia!!

(various clips of the "movie" are shown with music that sounds like the music from the 300 movie trailer which includes:

...Washington's men pushing British off of a cliff

...Paul Revere holding up a light with the horse standing on two legs

...A Soldier hitting the Liberty Bell and cracking it

...a British Soldier who has green skin)

The British soldier: King George would like to speak with you.

(King George holding Washington's shoulders)

King: This is a British colony.

Washington: British? THIS! IS! AMERICA!!

(More "movie" clips are shown including:

...Washington and his men crossing the Hudson River when a polar bear comes out and Washington punches the bear right in the face

...Betsy Ross floating with smoke and the flag wrapped around her as she moves gracefully

...Washington and his fellow soldiers are fighting the Redcoats inside a room)

Washington: Hancock, NOW!!

(Hancock runs up and jumps across the room by a chair and signs his name at the Declaration of Independence and Hancock screams in victory)

(the screen flashes to show what looks like the 300 logo but says 1776)

Announcer: Seventeen-seventy-six. It ain't accurate, but it'll blow your *beep*ing (fucking) mind.

(channel flip)