I Think I'm a Clone Now

Transcript for I Think I'm a Clone Now
Narrator: Just another ordinary day at the local copy shop… people making copies, villains being re-entered into society, and copy shop managers being way nicer than necessary.

(Scene: the copy shop. Beatrice Bixby and Dave are standing by the copy machine.)

Dave: Oh, thanks.

Narrator: It’s not really a compliment.

Dave: When I heard you were released from jail, I was hoping you’d come back here for another chance. Who doesn’t deserve second chances? Or even third chances, right? In a way, Beatrice, I feel responsible for the whole thing. We should have been communicating better. That’s my job.

(Beatrice stands there with a disgusted look on her face. However, as she speaks her expression changes.)

Beatrice: Thanks Dave, I love it here. I missed these copiers. (pauses and puts her hand on the copier) A lot.

Dave: Uh-huh. Oh, I need to get to the bottom of that goofed-up three-hole-punch order.

(He whistles as he walks away. Beatrice’s expression changes and her hand shakes.)

Beatrice: Giving ME a second chance? I should be giving YOU a second chance! No one is as good to these copiers as me. (talking to the copier as if it were a baby or pet) You’re my number one! Yes you are! Goochie-Goo!

Male customer: Hi there. I absolutely LO-O-OVE WordGirl! And I need to make my favorite small picture of her into my favorite BIG picture of her.

Beatrice: Eh-- okay sir… you need an enlargement.

Male customer: Yes. And I need it done really fast.

Beatrice: Uh, sure.

(He waves his hands in excitement, and she turns away from him to make the enlargement.)

Beatrice: (mimicking him, to herself) “I wanna big picture of WordGirl!” He should be asking for enlargements of MY picture! What is so special about WordGirl? She’s plain, dull, and worst of all, boring!

(She turns around and holds up the enlargement, her hands shaking while she feigns a smile. He takes it from her and smiles as he looks it over. A female customer, one of the regular background characters known as “Tobey’s fan”, then comes up to Beatrice, also holding a picture of WordGirl.)

Tobey’s fan: Hey, I need you to make my sign a banner.

Male customer: I heart WordGirl! Heh-heh-heh. Great sign. I guess everybody loves WordGirl, huh? And that cute little seal, Captain Huggy Face? Oh! (He bites the edge of his enlargement in excitement.)

Tobey’s fan: Man-- I wish this place could make a real live copy of WordGirl!

(They both look up with delight at the thought of it. Then the woman’s face turns serious.)

Tobey’s fan: Well, as long as her copy wasn’t some kind of evil,  malicious  WordGIrl. But that’s ridiculous, who would possibly do something like that?

Male customer: No one, THAT'S who!

(They both walk off.)

Beatrice: So-- they love, adore and really like WordGirl, do they?!

(She presses her nose and changes into Lady Redundant Woman.)

Lady Redundant Woman: They wouldn’t if she did something so awful and evil that it was  malicious !

(She makes another copy of the one of the WordGirl pictures, crumples it up, and chews and swallows it. Then she presses her nose again, and a copy of WordGirl emerges next to her, with an evil-looking grin. The WordGirl clone speaks in an electronic, robotic voice.)

Evil WordGirl Clone: I am WordGirl! Girl of Words! What should I do? Word up!

Lady Redundant Woman: It worked! Okay, Evil  Malicious  WordGirl, go rob this city blind! Perform thievery! And while you’re at it, STEAL something! Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha!

(The clone flies out of the copy shop. As she does, she leaves behind a green streak, instead of the usual red-and-yellow one that WordGirl leaves.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, across town… Becky Botsford, aka WordGirl, enjoys a quiet afternoon with her best friend Violet, unaware that a  malicious  WordGirl copy is about to create chaos!

(Scene: Becky’s house. Violet and Becky are painting on canvases in the living room. Violet is painting a picture of herself as the Framer, and Becky is painting what amounts to a large brown blob. Bob is creating a sculpture of a gorilla. Becky evidently catches part of what the narrator says, because she stops and looks up at him.)

Becky: Wait-- what did you say?

Narrator: (chuckling) Oh, nothing.

Violet: I didn’t-- I didn’t say anything, Becky.

Becky: (admiring Violet’s painting) Nice job, Violet!

Violet: Thank you! You’re doing a nice job on that-- uh…

(Becky’s shoulders slump . TJ comes in, and points at Becky’s canvas.)

TJ: THAT pile of mud is MUCH better than the one you drew last week!

(Becky groans. Just then, an announcer breaks in on the TV.)

Reporter: We interrupt your cartoons and afternoon snack to bring you a story so shocking, I wouldn’t believe it unless I saw it with my own eyes. I’m here at the city library, and behind me is WordGirl.

TJ: Check it out! WordGirl’s on TV!

Becky: How is that possible?

TJ: Okay, see this box with the screen on it? There’s this other thing called a “video camera”, and it--

Violet: (gasps) What’s she doing? It looks-- wrong!

(The evil clone is busy piling books up on the ground outside the library.)

Reporter: That’s right. Former superhero WordGirl appears to be robbing the city library of all its  thesaurus -- es-- thesauri. More than one  thesaurus . (pause) Hey, can we cut that and do it again? I messed up.

Camera person: No, we’re live, sir.

Reporter: Oh! (chuckles, then becomes serious and talks to the camera) I was only joking.

(Evil WordGirl grabs the mic from him.)

Evil WordGirl Clone: I am WordGirl, Girl of Words. I am stealing because I am bad, evil and  malicious ! I’m going to steal, rob and thieve all of the city’s thesaur-- eh,  thesaurus es-- thesauri-- (unintelligible)

(She flies off with the books, leaving Violet, Becky and Bob stunned, and TJ crushed.)

TJ: No! This is not happening!

Becky: That’s because that isn’t WordGirl!

TJ: What are you talking about, Becky? TJ doesn’t lie!

Becky: Uh-- I mean, it CAN’t be! Did you hear the way she was talking? Bad, evil,  malicious ? The REAL WordGirl would NEVER be so redundant!

Reporter: And there you have it. WordGirl herself admitting she has turned to a life of crime. And in this humble reporter’s opinion, I think the only thing we can do now… is STOP liking WordGirl. I’m Tony Brinetti, outside the library.

Becky: That’s not fair! Why should everyone stop liking me? I mean-- me hero. MY hero! WordGirl! Who I am NOT!

Violet: I wonder if this new,  malicious  WordGirl plans on stealing the special edition  thesaurus  that they keep at school? I hope not. Because I use it to write all my poetry.

Becky: (gasps, and whispers to Bob) Of course! Lady Redundant Woman must be behind this! (to Violet and TJ) Um, I have to go… to… uh, the paint store, we’re out of-- brown.

(She grabs Bob and takes off.)

Violet: Nice pile of mud, Becky!

(TJ is left clutching his WordGirl doll, in tears.)

(This is followed by a montage of scenes. First, the evil WordGirl clone flies into the bookstore and flies out with a stack of books, after which the real WordGirl flies in and Ms. Libri, the bookstore owner, tries to shoo her off with a broom. In the next scene, the WordGirl clone delivers books to LRW. In the next scene, she flies into a classroom and takes books from the students, then the real WordGirl shows up and they all glare at her. In the next scene, the WordGirl clone flies into Tobey’s bedroom, takes his book from him and leaves, and when the real WordGirl shows up he is tongue-tied. Lady Redundant Woman laughs as the books pile up. Meanwhile, TJ stands on a bridge holding his WordGirl doll, heartbroken, and drops it into the stream, then sits and cries.)

(Later, a group of anti-WordGirl protesters run by Becky and Bob, who are standing outside of a lamp store.)

Becky: I can’t believe everyone hates WordGirl, and isn’t suspicious at all! We should probably stick to being Becky and Bob for now

(Bob chatters.)

Becky: Alright, I think I know how we can fix this mess. Here’s the plan--

(She whispers into Bob’s ear. Bob chatters back at her.)

Becky: I know there’s no reason to whisper, but it makes the plan way more mysterious, doesn't it?

(Scene: Later at the copy shop. Lady Redundant Woman stands inside surrounded by books.)

Lady Redundant Woman: This is the best book I’ve ever read! It’s the finest book out there! The greatest book ever made!”

(The evil WordGirl clone brings her a cup of coffee.)

Lady Redundant Woman:  Malicious  Copy WordGirl, get me the last  thesaurus , so I have all the  thesaurus es-- thesauri’s?-- ses? Thesaur-- IN THE CITY!

Evil WordGirl Clone: Yes, Lady Redundant Woman It is our pleasure, our joy, our pure delight to serve you.

(She starts to fly off, and bumps into Dave.)

Evil WordGirl Clone:  Hi. Hello. Greetings Dave.

Dave: Oh, hey WordGirl.

(The evil clone flies to the school, just as Becky and Bob walk up to the steps.)

Becky: There she is! The  malicious  copy of WordGirl. And she’s stealing the school’s  thesaurus !

(Becky and Bob look around.)

Becky: There’s no one in sight. Word UP!

(She change into WordGirl. Suddenly, a crowd of anti-WordGirl protesters comes up behind them.)

Man: Hey, it’s WordGirl. The criminal!

Tobey’s fan: So you hear to steal some more stuff?

Man: We don’t like you anymore.

WordGirl: Yes you do! That other WordGirl, doing bad stuff, is a fake!

(The crowd looks at her, speechless.)

WordGirl: A copy? You know, not real?

Tobey’s fan: Whatever, we don’t like you anymore.

WordGirl: Fine, I’ll prove it! Wait here.

(She flies off.)

(Scene: inside the school library. WordGirl flies inside. She lands next to a full-length mirror, and makes different facial expressions and movements to make sure it’s just a reflection. She starts walking away, then turns back to the mirror, and ends up running into it.)

WordGirl: Well that’s embarrassing.

Narrator: I won’t tell anyone.

WordGirl: Thanks.

(The evil clone hovers behind her, holding up a very large book.)

Evil WordGirl Clone: I am WordGirl, girl of words! I will beat you, and defeat you, and win!

(The clone throws the book onto her, and WordGirl catches it.)

WordGirl: No, I’M Girl of Words-- ugh-- I mean WordGirl! And stop being redundant, it’s so annoying!

Evil WordGirl Clone: No, you’re annoying, irritating, and-- (looks into the book) --aggravating! Exasperating! Frustrating! Needling! And--

WordGirl: Ugh! No wonder everyone turned on me! It’s time to clear my name! Word UP!

(WordGirl pushes her evil clone out into the yard. The protesters run over to them.)

Evil WordGirl Clone: I am WordGirl!

WordGirl: No you’re not! And I can prove it! Right… about… Now!

(The minute hand on the clock tower goes to twelve noon, and the bell sounds. But nothing else happens.)

WordGirl: Hey!

(A man emerges from a door next to the clock.)

School Worker: Oh yeah, the clock’s runnin’ five minutes fast. Sorry about that.

WordGirl: (sighing) Okay. I guess we’ll just have to wait.

(She starts rubbing her arm and humming softly. Her evil clone also starts rubbing her own arm and humming, but in a much less natural way.)

Evil WordGirl Clone: Doe, dee doe, doe, hum, hum, doe, doe, doe, humming, humming…

(The scene shifts back to the copy shop. Inside, while Lady Redundant Woman is admiring her precious copy machine, Captain Huggy Face hangs down from the ceiling directly behind her. He presses the back of her suit, which opens up to reveal a print cartridge. He fumbles around with it, pulls it out, and shoves it into his pocket. He then giggles, causing Lady Redundant Woman to turn around and grab him.)

(Back at the school, the clock reads 12:04.)

WordGIrl: Okay, NOW I’ll prove I’m the real WordGirl! Right about…

(The clock goes to 12:05.)

WordGirl: --NOW!

(Sprinkler heads pop up from the ground, and begin spraying water.)

Evil WordGirl Clone: Hey wait, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no…

(The evil clone disappears, leaving only copy paper in its place, and leaving the protesters flabbergasted.)

WordGirl: See? I told you. Now do you believe I was set up by a  malicious  copy?

Man: I would, if I knew what  malicious  was. What is  malicious ?

WordGIrl: Oh, heh-heh. My pleasure. It means, mean or wicked. Someone’s who’s  malicious  wants to do bad things. Like steal the school’s  thesaurus !

Tobey’s fan: Alright, WordGirl. If you’re really not  malicious , then tell us what happened to all of the library’s  thesaurus -- i-- ees…

WordGirl: It’s  thesaurus es! More than one  thesaurus  would be pronounced,  thesaurus es.

Man and Tobey’s fan: (together)  Thesaurus es!

Tobey’s fan: Wow. Who knew?

Man: WordGirl, that’s who! (He rips off his anti-WordGirl t-shirt.)

WordGirl: Come with me! I’ll show you where they are! (She takes off.)

(Scene: Back at the copy shop. Pictures showing close-ups of Huggy’s face are churning out of the copy machine. Lady Redundant Woman is holding his face against the glass. Just then, WordGirl comes in, followed by the crowd that had been protesting her.)

WordGirl: Stop right there, Lady Redundant Woman!

(Lady Redundant Woman holds up a picture of Huggy and waves it in front of WordGirl. She then crumples it up and eats it, then presses her nose. But nothing happens.)

WordGirl: Looks like you’re out of copies, huh? Ha-ha! That’s because Captain Huggy Face remove your  malicious  copy-making ink cartridge! Which means, your evil copying days are over!

Lady Redundant Woman: NO! Nyet! Never!

(She collapses onto her copy machine, and cries. The police arrive and handcuff her.)

Dave: Hey, looks like you’ll need a fourth chance, huh Beatrice? Hey, when you get out, come and see me.

Tobey’s fan: We love you, WordGirl!

(As the police lead Lady Redundant Woman away, the crowd continue to heap praises on WordGirl.)

Woman: --Love the hair!

WordGirl: Yeah, yeah. All in a day’s work!

Dave: I’ve got an idea-- why don’t we print out a couple thousand “We’re sorry WordGirl” posters? Free of charge!

(They cheer, while some of the police officers carry out the books that Lady Redundant Woman had collected.)

Narrator: And so, WordGirl once again foils the  malicious  plans of Lady Redundant Woman. And also defeats her. And stops her. (pause) Sorry about that, it’s kind of fun. And pleasing-- sorry. (awkward laugh) The  thesaurus es are back in the hands of their rightful owners, and all is as it should be… for now. Join us next time for another thrill-packed episode of WordGirl, WordGirl, WordGirl!

(During the closing scene, TJ retrieves the WordGirl doll from the stream where he had discarded it earlier, and hugs it.)