Isabella and the Temple of Sap

(Scene opens up showing Isabella sleeping, then the alarm clock goes off.)

Isabella: There you are, Isabella! (Laughs) I made a funny. It's always humorous when one refers to oneself in the third-person. You try it, Pinky.

(Pinky barks)

Isabella: Yeah, not a hard and fast rule, I guess. What's that? I hear a sash calling me to earn it some more new patches. Come on, Pinky.

(Scene shifts to the Fireside House)

Gretchen: Sesquipedalian.

(All of the Fireside Girls shrug.)

Milly: Here's your "Saying a Word No One Else in the Room Knows" patch! Does anyone else want to try?

Gretchen: Shh! Someone's coming! Defense positions.

(The Fireside Girls are preparing for defense.)

(Isabella knocks on the door in a pattern.)

Gretchen: Look alive, people! It's our fearless leader.

(Gretchen unbolts the door, Isabella and Pinky enter.)

Isabella: Hey, guys, what'cha doin'?

Holly: Earning patches!

Isabella: So, did you guys decide what patch to get today? 'Cause I have a suggestion!

Adyson: Let me guess. The "Let's Help Phineas and Ferb" patch?

Isabella: It's called the "Help Thy Neighbor" patch, Adyson. Don't make up patch names.

(Cut to Milly and Ginger, who raises her hand.)

Ginger: I already have 52 of those.

Milly: I have 53. Remember, I went back one afternoon after everyone else went home.

Isabella: I know. Don't remind me.

Gretchen: You just want an excuse to see Phineas.

Isabella: The very thing I live for.

Adyson: All right, then! Let's go see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!

Ginger: Why don't we ever go see what Baljeet is doing?

Milly: Because we've done that before.

Holly: Yeah, and that patch wasn't worth it.

Isabella: Hey, where's Pinky?

(Scene shifts to Pinky, who jumps from behind a bush wearing a fedora to enter a hidden elevator. It's full, so he takes the second one and salutes Agent P on the way down.)

Wanda Acronym: Hello, Agent Pinky. Professor Poofenplotz has been making a barrage of inquiries about hairspray, of all things. It's all very suspicious. Suss it out and put the kibosh on it.

(Pinky barks)

(Scene shifts to the Danville Park)

Isabella: Hey, guys. Whatcha doin'?

Phineas: Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I've been doing. Always getting so wrapped up in these silly projects that I don't care about. It's you I care about, Isabella! (changes into a centaur and Isabella rides off on him) Can we be together forever and ever?

Isabella: Yeah! We can definitely do that.

Phineas: Excellent. (Record scratches and Isabella's fantasy fades away) While they're getting that, we can finish our designs on the transponder. See you girls back at the field.

Isabella: Okay, Phineas! Oh, my gosh. What did he say? What does he need? (Sighs) I was in Phineasland again.

Gretchen: We'll explain on the way, Chief. Right now, we have to find the rare maracanut tree, and earn our "Sap Collecting" patch.

(Camera pans to Milly and Ginger. Ginger earns herself the "I Just Saw a Cute Boy" patch.)

Milly: What's that patch for?

Ginger: It's the "I Just Saw a Cute Boy" patch.

Milly: Where?

Ginger: Duh! (points to Baljeet) That one over there with the color-coded schedule.

(A beat, then Milly rips the patch off.)

Poofenplotz Evil is Crazy!

(Song: Important to Look Your Best)

Poofenplotz: It's important to look your very best when you're doing your very worst.

And by that, I mean evil-uh.

(Pinky arrives) Pinky the Chihuahua! So you thought you can sneak up on me? Stop shaking, you jittery little pest. (Holds Pinky, and shakes. She doesn't shake anymore after releasing.) Anyway. I woke up from my beauty sleep and thought to myself, "What the heck? Why not try to take over the world again?" But, as you know, Pinky, I can't very well take over the world until I'm drop-dead gorgeous! But I can't make myself beautiful, because I ran out of my favorite hair spray. It went a little something like this.

(Flashback)

Worker: Can I help you with something, ma'am?

Poofenplotz: Yes. Can you tell me where you've moved your Stiff Beauty hair spray?

Worker: Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am. That product has been discontinued. As it turns out, only amusement park clowns used it. And ever since the old amusement park shut down, Stiff Beauty hasn't been selling.

Poofenplotz: Discontinued?

Worker: Discontinued.

Poofenplotz: So what you're saying is Stiff Beauty's no longer going to be sold.

Worker: Right. That's what "discontinued" means.

Poofenplotz: (after a pause) How about I discontinue YOU from this dimension!

(Eerie theme)

Worker: This so isn't worth minimum wage.

(Flashback ends)

Poofenplotz: The only supply of Stiff Beauty left in the world is at the old abandoned Old Abandoned Amusement Park. And I intend to use my Me-Mobile to get me there!

(Robot arm drops Pinky in a trash can)

(Trash can Clanging/Rattling)

(Scene shifts to the Fireside Girls)

Gretchen: According to this Fireside Girls book on dendrology, the maracanut tree is indigenous to mountain valley micro-climates. So it looks like we're heading in the right direction.

(Hard rock theme)

(Didgeridoo humming)

Isabella: Hi. Excuse me. Um, hello. Earth to hippie. (Imitates Didgeridoo reverb) Excu-u-u-u-u-u-use Me-e-e-e-e-e-e.

The Guru: Whoa! You just harmonized with me.

Fireside Girls: Oooh!

Isabella: Would you possibly know where the maracanut trees might be located?

The Guru: Indeed I do, my formidable little flower. Behold. (Shows tree stumps)

Isabella: Oh, no! What happened? Where did they all go?

The Guru: They were all chopped down so their sap could be used for... (Tears up) ...hair spray. Such a shame.

Isabella: So, there aren't any left?

The Guru: Don't fret, my pet. There happens to be one sole maracanut tree left in existence. It's at the old abandoned Old Abandoned Amusement Park over on the next hill.

Isabella: Did you just say "the old abandoned Old Abandoned Amusement Park"?

The Guru: Yes. The old abandoned Old Abandoned Amusement Park.

Isabella: "Old abandoned" twice?

The Guru: Yes.

Isabella: All right.

The Guru: Step up, little sister. Let me bestow upon you the Key of Wisdom. (Drops key) Bask in its glory!

(Song stops. It is a car key on a peace sign key chain.)

The Guru: Cool, huh?

Isabella: Um...

(The Guru disappears in a cloud of smoke)

Fireside Girls: He's gone!

Adyson: Wow.

Gretchen: No, he's not. He's right over there. (Points to The Guru, trying to make an escape quietly)

The Guru: Oh, uh... Hey! hey, hi... Hey, little sisters. See you on the flip side!

(Scene shifts to Candace and Linda)

Candace: So, Mom, am I doing great or what?

Linda: Well, "Or what." Candace. Trash cans!

(Candace runs into some trash cans, which knocks them over.)

(Pinky puts on his jet-pack and then leaves)

(Scene shifts to the Fireside Girls, who arrived at "The old abandoned Old Abandoned Amusement Park")

Isabella: Well, here we are, I guess. Oh, I get it! It was actually called "The Old Abandoned Amusement Park"! And now it's old and abandoned. Hence, "old abandoned" twice. Girls, we're goin' in. We've got a tree to find! (The girls race to various attractions in the park) Fireside Girls, report!

Katie: Nothing up here, Captain!

Gretchen: Ditto, Chief!

Holly: It just smells like feet in here.

Ginger: These clown lockers are just full of cheap hair spray!

Isabella: It has to be around here somewhere. Creepy roadside hippie gurus are generally reliable. Wait, I think I found it! (Points at a tall ride in the back of the park)

(The Fireside Girls gasp and run over to it)

Ginger: Yeah!

Milly: I think you're right, Chief.

Adyson: This should be it.

Gretchen: This must be it, Chief. I think you're right.

Isabella: (Reading a placard near the ride) "Stickiness is the most underrated of all the -nesses, and of all the stickinesses, the sap of the maracanut tree is the sticky-messiest. This Temple of Sap attraction is a monument to the rare and beautiful maracanut tree, the world's greatest stickerizer." Looks like we've tracked our quarry to its lair, girls! Although, if their biggest attraction was a sap-themed ride, I understand why this place closed down. Girls, get your gear. We're climbin' up.

Holly: Probably not a good idea. (Punches the wall of the ride) The whole thing's structurally unsound.

(The ride begins to fall apart; a big piece detaches completely)

Adyson: Look out!

(The piece of the ride is headed straight for Holly. She runs to safety)

(Holly screams)

(The girls all run over to Isabella)

Adyson: The whole place will fall!

Gretchen: And there's no way to get that tree!

(Song: "The Fireside Girls")

Isabella: ''Calm down, girls. Have you forgotten who we are? We're Fireside Girls Troop 46321, and we never give up!''

All: We're Fireside Girls, one and all

And together we belong

We wear our patches upon our sashes

And stand cute, small, and strong

This is the Fireside Girls song...

And it's not too terribly long!

Isabella: So, let's procure the sap for Phineas!

Fireside Girls: Yay, Phineas!

Isabella: Oh, and Ferb too!

Fireside Girls: And Ferb too!

Ginger: And Baljeet!

(She is wearing the "I Just Saw A Cute Boy" patch again. Katie rips it off of her sash.)

Isabella: Well, the old hippie didn't mention how to get to the top of that, all he gave us was this Key of Wisdom.

(Isabella presses the peace sign on the key chain. The unlocking noise of a car is heard in the distance. Then the camera zooms in on an old 60s minibus precariously balanced at the peak of the roller coaster.)

Adyson: Groovy!

Katie: Jinkies!

Milly: Far out!

Gretchen: Dy-no-mite!

(Pinky is seen flying through downtown Danville via jet-pack. He flies into Poofenplotz's Me-Mobile through its temple.)

Poofenplotz: Pinky the Chihuahua! Well, Momma knows haw to deal with bad little doggies!

(A newspaper springs up out of the floor and begins smacking Pinky over the head.)

Poofenplotz: Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad do...

(The newspaper flies across the room, landing in her mouth. Pinky shoots a grappling hook out the hole he created into the side of a nearby building. The Me-Mobile struggles to free itself.)

(Isabella peers into the van)

Isabella: Well, there's no engine, but it looks like gravity will do the trick.

(They all look at the tree, about a hundred feet away)

Isabella: All right, girls. Are we ready to get that "Reckless Disregard for Life and Limb" patch?

Fireside Girls: Aye-aye, Captain!

(The girls climb into the van and buckle their seat-belts)

Isabella: All right, ladies! Lean!

Fireside Girls: Lean!

(They all scream as the van rolls down the roller coaster track. It propels them back up into the air like a ski jump once the track ends.)

Gretchen: So, how exactly is this gonna work?

(Isabella blanks, then becomes visibly worried.)

Isabella: Girls, sashes! Now!

(The Fireside Girls tie their sashes together to form a rope, which Isabella fastens to her waist. She climbs onto the roof.)

Isabella: Gretchen, you have the controls.

Gretchen: What good will that do?!

Isabella: Just trust me!

(Isabella does a swan dive off the roof of the van. Grabbing the tree from the top of the ride, she somersaults up into the back of the van as Milly and Katie open the door for her. She holds the tree up in triumph.)

Isabella: Oh, my goodness, what a cute little tree!

Milly and Katie: Aww.

Gretchen: Isabella? What now? We're gonna CRAAAASH!!!

Isabella: Oh, no, we're not. Everybody... lean! (They all lean on the port side of the van, causing it to spiral down to the ground. As it lowers, it snaps the wire on Pinky's grappling hook. The van lands successfully on the ground. The Fireside Girls cheer.)

(The Me-Mobile somersaults all the way to the old abandoned Old Abandoned Amusement Park. Professor Poofenplotz lands right in the clown locker room.)

(While driving through Danville...)

Isabella: Okay, girls. It's time to tap that sap!

Katie: I'm on it!

Holly: Hold it still, Katie. (She captures the sap in a test tube) We got it, Isabella!

(The van breaks through the wall surrounding the park. It drives right over to where Phineas and Ferb are standing. Isabella somersaults out the back, stands up, and gracefully hands Phineas the vial of sap.)

Isabella: Hey, Phineas. We got that sap you guys needed.

Phineas: Excellent, Isabella! That's the last ingredient we need. (Isabella looks delighted) Now all we have to do is... (changes into a centaur) run away together.

(Isabella's vision from earlier returns, until Gretchen shakes her.)

Gretchen: Isabella? (Record scratch) Isabell-a? Phineas said, "Thanks."

Isabella: "Thanks." He really does appreciate me.

Gretchen: (Pushing the infatuated Isabella off-screen) Yes. Yes, he does.

(In the clown locker room, Professor Poofenplotz raises her head. The first thing she sees are hundreds of bottles of hair spray.)

Stiff Beauty!

Poofenplotz: Yes! At last, my own lifetime supply of Stiff BEAUTY!!!!!

(She sings the last word so loudly that the Temple of Sap ride falls over and crushes the clown locker room. The aerosol cans explode, coating her in hair spray. It is so thick that she cannot move.)

Poofenplotz: (through gritted teeth) I may be stiff, but at least I'm beautiful.

(Part of her hair kinks and stand straight up.)

Poofenplotz: Curse you, Pinky the Chihuahua...!

End credits
(Song: "The Fireside Girls")

Isabella: Have you forgotten who we are? We're Fireside Girls Troop 46321, and we never give up!

All: We're Fireside Girls, one and all

And together we belong

We wear our patches upon our sashes

And stand cute, small, and strong

This is the Fireside Girls song...

And it's not too terribly long!