Slappy Goes Walnuts

{Slappy Intro} Y,W,D: The crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world, Our next cartoon features Slappy the Squirrel! SLAPPY: Enh, enough with the singin' already! Y,W,D: That's Slappy! SLAPPY GOES WALNUTS --- By: SHERRI STONER Directors: JON McCLENAHAN and CHRIS BRANDT Animation: STARTOONS {Slappy's Theme, aka Dvorak's "Humoresque"} YOUNG SLAPPY Dah, dah dee, dee dee, dee deeeh dee... {I've been working on TV: on the railroad} [Squirrel rump roast 69 cents/lb.] SLAPPY:      Wild take number thirty-two. Ha haaaah! Regular as             clockwork. Wish everything was regular as clockwork. WALTER (TV): Waaaah! Wah Waaaaah! etc. YOUNG SLAPPY: If there's one thing I hate -- BOTH SLAPPIES:-- it's a cry baby! *laughter* {Merrie Melodies Theme ("Merrily We Roll Along")} SLAPPY:      *hack hack hack spit* YOUNG SLAPPY: Now that's com-- COMMERCIAL:  Totally awesome ACME Snax! They are fun and energy-packed! Sugar-coated sugar-snacks! {Slappy's Theme} SLAPPY: Ehh, stuff it. Flippin' network cuts out my famous endline for some razza-flavin' crudball commercial here. Ehh, somebody get me a peen-ball hammer. Who is it? SKIPPY: Aunt Slappy! SLAPPY: What can I do? He's my nephew. Hello Skippy. SKIPPY: Hi! What happened to your TV set? SLAPPY: It's having a bad day. Pardon me, but you've got a little excess energy there Skippy. SKIPPY: Must be these totally awesome ACME Snax. Want some? SLAPPY: Now there's a colour found in nature. SKIPPY: Neat huh! GARBAGE DISPOSAL: Blech! SLAPPY: Ehh, no wonder you like that "Bonkers" show. That junk's       rottin' out yer brain there. SKIPPY: What'cha looking for? SLAPPY: I'm gonna make you some brain food. That's right, my famous walnut fig-dough surprise. SKIPPY: What's the surprise? SLAPPY: I'm outta walnuts. C'mon. Let's go visit Doug the dog. We'll get some walnuts out of his old walnut tree. SKIPPY: Doug the dog!? But he hates you, Aunt Slappy! He's been trying to eat you for years! SLAPPY: Thank you, mister exposition. {Animaniacs Theme} [Warners' runthrough] SKIPPY: I don't know aunt Slappy. I think we should just go to the store and buy a pack of walnuts. {Slappy's Theme} SLAPPY: Oh yeah, we'll have 'em in hysterics with that bit. Six minutes in a checkout line. Ooh, somebody stop me. I'm       laughin'. DOUG:  *growl snort* SKIPPY: But Doug the dog is mean! SLAPPY: Look, you've seen all my old cartoons, right? SKIPPY: About a trillion times! SLAPPY: I've wrestled with Walter Wolf, Sid the squid and Beany the brain dead bison. This Doug guy here's nothin'. {Merrie Melodies Theme} SKIPPY: Yeah, but those were cartoons and this is real life! SLAPPY: Don't tell him. He might crack. Look Skippy, I've seen and done every trick in the book. {Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone} Hold it there, you're doing the old frozen take bit which means that Doug the dog...        ...was right behind me. Heh heh heh heh. SKIPPY: That was just like in "Prehistoric Slappy". SLAPPY: That was "Cave Girl Slappy", 1932 directed by Piz Peeners. Ehh, but let's not be anal. Let's get some walnuts. {Title card theme (?)} DOUG:  Garrrgh! SLAPPY: Hold it! Encheritos! Get your encheritos here. Encherito, mister? DOUG: SLAPPY: Ah, I can tell you're the kinda guy that likes 'em extra hot! Here you go amigo! What a schmutz. Here, put 'em       under your pillow tonight. Maybe you'll get some dimes. SKIPPY: Grrreat! DOUG:    *Sigh* {When Johnny Comes Marching Home} SLAPPY: Oops. Sorry. Arthritis. My grip ain't what it used to be. {Slappy's Theme} DOUG:  Grrr. *Klang* SLAPPY: You remind me of a very young Scooby Doo. Ooh, that's sad. DOUG:  Hee hee hah hah yuck etc.        {Slappy's Theme} SLAPPY: Aww, gee. It's a xylophone. I wonder who it's from? "Dear Slappy, I'm so sorry about everything. Let's be pals.        This is a small token of my esteem, Doug the dog." I think I'll play "Those Endearing Young Charms". SKIPPY: No, not that! {Those Endearing Young Charms} DOUG:  Hee hee heh hah etc. SLAPPY: Old gag, new twist. Hah ha ha ha ha. Remember Skippy, never leave a mess when you're visiting someone else's home. SKIPPY: Right. DOUG:  Hee hee etc.  {In the Hall of the Mountain King} SLAPPY: Ah, here we go. The last two nuts. Ohh-ah, what the heck is       this? "The Wonderful World of Walnuts". I hear Buddy Hackett's       very good in this. {Parody of Disney's "Wonderful World of Colour"} TV:    "The world is a carousel of walnuts.  Beautiful, colourful, walnuts." DOUG:  *snicker snicker* TV:    Now as we all know, walnuts grow on trees. SLAPPY: Ehh, what's the matter with this thing? Cheesy piece of       hooey manure. Ehhhh, that's even worse. TV:    This frisky little fella makes his home in the hollow of an        old tree. A squirrel likes to hide his nuts in many odd places where the sun doesn't shine on 'em. SLAPPY: Thanks for the walnuts! {Those Endearing Young Charms} DOUG:  *whew* SLAPPY: Hey! Lionel Hampton! These last two nuts you gave me are rotten! That's a catchy tune. Hah hah hah hah hah. Ehh, somebody stop me. [Back at home] {Slappy's Theme} SLAPPY: Ahh. Now this is brain food. Somebody shoot me. SKIPPY: SLAPPY: Ehh, look at this. Hi grandma, how the heck are yah? Ahh, you shouldn't have. Let's see here, I've bonked him, flattened his head and blown him up. What am I forgetting? SKIPPY: I know! SLAPPY: Told you my walnut figdough was brain food. Hah hah ha hah. Now that's comedy!