Arwin That Came To Dinner

[Sobbing] Hey, arwin. Down? Yeah, a little. Well, I was talking about the elevator, 'cause we're goin' up. What's the matter, arwin? Nothing. It's just that mother-- [sobs] And now she's getting-- and I--I have-- I have to-- monkey sock doll. So your mom's getting married and moving out, and now you've got to live alone and have no one to talk to except your monkey sock doll? You know me so well. [Blows nose] How could mother just move out? Who am I gonna go to the movies with? We'll go with you, buddy. I am a 34-year-old man. I'm not gonna go to the movies with 2 little kids. I wanna go with my mommy! Disney--abc cable networks group here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life [Gasps] Lance! I am so excited about our dinner date. Look at what I'm gonna wear. This is for the appetizer, this is for the entree, and this is for the after-dinner mint. See? It's mint green. Look, London, there's No easy way for me to tell you this. I'm breaking up with you. Wow. I don't think I have an outfit for that. No, what you're wearing is fine. Oh, thanks. Fine for what? For me breaking up with you. You were serious about that? You're breaking up with me? But I'm rich and beautiful! That's true, but I just don't think we have that much in common. You just agreed that I was rich and beautiful! That's true. Isn't that enough? I'm sorry, London. I hope we can still be friends. Maybe not close friends. Hey, arwin. You've been working on that sink all day. Don't you want to take a break and go home? Oh, no, I should really stay here and--and fix this. But it wasn't broken when you got here. Oh! Well It is now. Mom, he doesn't want to go home. He misses his mommy. Which I don't get at all. Ahem. At his age. We should invite him to dinner. It'll make him feel better. Well, I do have enough wheat loaf to go around. Wheat loaf? We want him to cheer up, not throw up. Man, enough with the health foods. You're killin' us. Now, you boys should be grateful to eat food made by your mother. You might want to taste it before you say that. Are--are you--are you inviting me to dinner? Oh, that is so sweet, really, but you know what? I shouldn't impose. I really shouldn't, but if you insist See? Arwin, we would be delighted if you would stay for dinner. Oh! I almost forgot. Mother always says, "wash your hands before dinner. " [Toilet flushes] She also said, "never forget to flush," so Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Clean-plate club. I get dessert. In your face. Actually, it's on your face. Man, that wheat loaf. Just goes right through me. [Toilet flushes] Carey, can I help you with the dishes? Why, thank you, arwin. How thoughtful of you. I always used to do 'em with mother. She'd wash, I'd dry. She'd tell me I missed a spot and then smack me with the dishtowel. Oh, I miss her. Mom, smack him with a dishtowel. I'm not going to do that. Well, maybe arwin can stay here tonight. Great idea. Hey, arwin. You can stay here tonight, can't you? Yeah, can't you? Please, mom, please? Please, mom, please? But he doesn't have his pajamas. Yes, I do. You wear your pajamas under your clothes? Well, if I wore them over my clothes, you'd think I was weird. Ok, I guess one night wouldn't hurt, but it's lights out for everybody at 10:00. yes! I get to stay up an extra 2 hours! Here's your change, sir, and I hope you were satisfied with your excellent service. Thanks! and I can put a down payment on a pack of gum. Nia, this is a 5-star hotel! Yeah, and that's a 5-star cheapskate. Oh Moseby! Lance just dumped me. Throw him in the tipton dungeon. For the last time, we don't have a dungeon. Well, then what's that room in the bottom of the hotel? That's the basement. Well, if that's the basement, then why is there a fire-breathing dragon in it? That's the furnace. Uncle Marion, this is girl talk. Why don't you go feed the dragon? Aha! So there is a dragon. You know, London, I've been dumped before. Oh, there's a shock. I'm not like you. I've never been the dumpee. I've always been the dumper. One more crack, and you're gonna be in the dumpster. This just doesn't make any sense. I mean, why would anyone want to break up with me? I don't know. You're selfish, superficial, don't really listen to anybody. No. Can't think of a thing. I need someone to snoop, pry, and weasel information out of him. Hmm. Well, I can snoop and pry, but, uh, heh heh Weaseling's gonna cost ya. Oh. How about a diamond necklace? That'll work. See? Now, that's a tip. Good night, Zack. [Kiss] Good night, Cody. [Kiss] Both: Good night, mom. Ahem. Good night, arwin. Hey, uh, kiss the sock monkey. Hey, are you gonna read a story? Mother always reads me a story. Yeah, mom used to read us stories, too. Then we turned 6. You're never too old for a classic. The little engineer that could. Let me guess. It's about a hotel engineer that thought he couldn't fix something, and then he can. [Gasps] You saw the movie! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. "Once upon a time, there was a hotel engineer. I'm a hotel engineer, he said"-- no, no, no, no. D-do the voice. What voice? The hotel engineer voice. [Enunciating] It sounds like this. "I'm a hotel engineer, he said. "I have lots of--" that's it. That's the-- that's the voice. That's it. "I have lots of tools. "I have screwdrivers and hammers "and pliers and wrenches and saws and clamps and"-- arwin, does this book just list tools? [Snoring] Arwin? Hey, hey, wait! You forgot nails and screws-- ok, ok, ok, ok. [Both groan] Oh, hey, Lance. How come you and I have never had a nice long chat? Because you said I creep you out. Oh, you took that to heart? So I heard you and London broke up. Uh, how come? Oh, you know, I really don't like to talk about my private life, 'cause if I do, then it's not Private. You like yummy worms? It's my favorite worm snack. SoWhy did you break up with her? I met someone else. So, what's her name? You know, I really don't feel comfortable talking about Wanda. And where did you meet her? I don't see how it really matters. At the Halibut hangout. She's a hostess/mermaid. You're dating a mermaid? Oh, I'm sorry. Mer-person. Yeah, whatever. You guys want dessert? I made cauliflower cobbler. Ha ha ho! You know what, though? I am totally wiped out. Arwin kept waking me up to check under his bed for monsters. And when arwin's not awake, he sings in his sleep! "The right flange connected to the "Left flange. "The left flange connected to the Flush valve"-- well, that could be annoying. Oh, I'm not finished yet. "The flush valve connected to the "3/4-inch rubberized tank gasket. Them valves, them valves, them valves. " Well, arwin's back at his house, and tonight we'll all catch up on our sleep. [Knock on door] Hey! I'm here to fix that flushing sink. Uh, uh, I-I-it's ok. It can wait till tomorrow. Oh, that's perfect! I'll just sleep over again and get a fresh start in the morning. Oh. I forgot the p. J. S. A mermaid? He's dating a mermaid? [Growling, panting] [Ripping] Uh, whoa. You're pretty strong for someone who's never lifted a finger. Oh! This is terrible. How could I possibly compete with a mermaid? She could take him to the underwater city of Atlantis. He's always wanted to go there. London, I'm guessing she's not an actual mermaid. I'm not paying you to guess. Is she or isn't she? I'm gonna go with "no. " Ok. So if she's not a mermaid, I can still get him back. I want you to find that fake fish-girl and have her in the lobby when Lance comes to work on Saturday. You know, that would be a lot easier if, uh, I had some earrings to match my new necklace. Oh, that makes sense. Here. When she sees me in Lance's arms, that water-logged wench will swim away with her tail between her legs. How you gonna get Lance back in your arms? Where there's a gill, there's a way. Sit up. Sit up. Good dog. Carey, can you make me a rhinoceros pancake like mother does-- did? Comin' right up. Get rid of him! You know, arwin, it has been absolutely awesome having you here for the pastWeek. It's only been 3 days. Really? Only 3 days? Mm-hmm. But it's been packed with a week's worth of fun. Look, arwin, you have this great opportunity at home. You have an awesome bachelor pad now that your mother's gone, mother's gone! Where's my rhinoceros pancake? Ok, ok, ok. Here. That's not a rhinoceros! That's a hippo. I didn't have enough batter for the horn. [Sobbing] There, there. What I was trying to say is, at home, you could have a party every night with lots of cute girls. Everything there reminds me of mother. So just throw it all out. You mean throw away her knickknacks? OrOrOr We can just pack up her knickknacks and put 'em in a box. We're gonna need a bigger box. There are, like, what, maybe a thousand owls in here? Yeah, well, you know, mother took most of 'em with her when she left, so Arwin, don't all these eyes starin' at you all the time kinda creep you out? Nah. Not really. Just-- you really just can't look 'em in the eye--eye. Look, arwin. This is gonna be great. You could change this apartment completely. You mean take out all these owls and replace them with something cool, like--like squirrels. You know, as good as that idea is-- 'cause I saw this squirrel clock. And every hour, a cute little squirrel comes out and bangs walnuts together. You know what? That's awesome, but I was thinkin' more like a pool table, or air hockey, a big-screen tv, things girls like. Oh, I see where you guys are goin' with this, but, uh, I don't see any girl knockin' on my door any time soon. [Knock on door] Hi, arwin. Do you have any sugar? Nope. Arwin, wasn't that a girl? Oh, I--I-- yep. Then why did you slam the door in her face? Why should I give her my sugar? Because you might get some "sugar" back. Well, if she just gives me the same sugar back, then what's the point? This is ridiculous! Well, it's the only way I can get Lance back. Now put on a little diver's outfit and stand by the treasure chest. No, I will not do it. Now get out of there immediately or I will call your father. Oh, good! Then I can mention to him you called in sick to attend that pocket-hanky convention. [Gasps] Swim safely. But I will need Norman, my bearded doorman, back. Fine! But I'm keeping the bell-hop. [Sighs] Hey, London. Hey, sailor. London. You look beautiful. Did you do something different with your hair? No, I'm a mermaid. See my tail? Look. Aah! Ow, I fell on my Booty. Aaaah! London! Are you ok? [Sighs] I'm ok now. See? I told you it was over between you and Lance. I can't believe he's two-tailing me! Well, believe it, honey. He's back with London. That's what you think. Aaah! Wanda! Are you ok, my little angel fish? Get your hands off me, you bottom-feeder. No. No, no. You don't understand. I--I was just helping her up. Yeah, right. How could you have thrown yourself all over that stringy-haired squid? [Gasps] Oh, no, she didn't. What? Who you callin' stringy-haired, you scaly-skinned freak? Mm-hmm. At least my sea shells aren't fake. Oh, now, that's cold. Oh, it's on. Bring it. [Gasps] [Girls screaming] [Crowd shouting] [Girls screaming] So much for that barracuda. Oh, yeah, blowfish? [Crowd groans] What do you think we should do? I don't know about you, but I'm takin' pictures for the global inquirer. No need for a lawsuit, Wanda. Put a little tartar sauce on it, and your recovery will go swimmingly. How is she? Mmm. Slightly strained fin. I didn't mean for it to go that far. I just wanted to win you back. But why? I mean, did you really think that some day we were gonna get married and have guppies? Of course not. All you like to do is swim. Well, all you like to do is shop. Hello? Shopping. Hello? Swimming. I guess the truth is, you're a water sign and I'm a dollar sign. Lance? I think we need to break up. But I already broke-- don't make this harder than it needs to be. But-- stop begging. I don't know-- it's over. But when-- please! Let's just end this with a little dignity. Wow. My eye for color is astounding. You know, I really think this place is gonna help arwin, I don't know, grow up. Arwin? What are you doing? Nothing. I was just waiting for mister squirrel. It's almost 6:00. That clock was so not part of my vision. So, what should we do first to break in my new bachelor pad, huh? I was thinkin' a foosball tourney. Then we'll fire up the buffalo-wing maker. Ooh, I have this new ranch dip recipe that I've been dying to try out. Great! I mean, how could things get any better? [Knock on door] Excuse me. Hi, arwin. Sorry to bother you, but I was thinking, since your mother moved out, you might be needing a nice, home-cooked meal. It's lasagna. I've layered the cheeses alphabetically. Asiago, brie, cheddar, doppelrhamstufel, edam, feta, gorgonzola-- no, thanks. I'm doppelrhamstufel intolerant. Arwin! Uh Won't you come in, enid? And bring your multitude of cheeses. Wow! This place looks amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, I love this squirrel clock. Huh? And it's so nice not having those beady, vicious eyes watching your every move. Grrr. Yeah, those owls could get a little creepy. Oh, no. I was talking about your mother. No offense. Oh, none taken. She did have a habit of never blinking. You look very Handsome tonight, arwin. Oh. Thank you, enid. I--I--I like the way the tape on your glasses matches your shoes. [Both laugh] Who's up for some foosball? I need a goalie. Shouldn't you guys be headin' home? It's gettin' a little late, isn't it? No. It's only 6:00, and you still haven't tried the dip. You're the dip. Don't you see that they want to be alone? Oh Our little arwin is grown up. So, enid. We're, uh, finally alone. I know. Hey, Norman. Nice outfit. Love the pitchfork. Thank you, boys. It's a trident, and I think he's supposed to be Neptune. I think he's from Neptune. By the way, Zack, what did you do with all those owls? Oh, I found a home for them. [Owls hooting] Aah! Aaaah!