The Butcher, the Baker, and the Candlestick Maker

(Scene: The bank. The Butcher is waiting at the end of a very long line.)

Narrator: During a busy lunch hour at National National Bank, the Butcher commits his latest robbery. Or, at least he will as soon as it’s his turn in line.

(A short man wearing a baker’s cap comes up from behind him, and taps him on the shoulder.)

Baker: Say, buddy. Do you mind if I cut in front of you? I want to make my deposit before they run out of those neat balloons!

Butcher: Yeah, sure, go ahead. (to himself) The more money you put in, the more I get to take out! Heh-heh-heh-heh!

Baker: Hey, hold on a sec. Do I know you from somewhere?

Butcher: Maybe. What prisons you been in?

Baker: Prisons? Ha, that’s a good one.

Butcher: Ha, ha, yeah. What’s so hysterious?

Baker: Wait a minute… butcher hat… butcher apron… butchering the word hilarious… Butcher! Is that you?

Butcher: Yeah? Who’s askin’?

Baker: It’s me-- Baker!

Butcher: Baker? No way! Aw man, I haven’t seen you since elephentary school!

Baker: Ha-ha! I think you mean elementary school. Same old Butcher!

Butcher: Heh, heh, heh! (Gives him a hug)

(A tall, thin man comes up behind Butcher.)

Candlestick Maker: Uh, sorry man, the parking lot was full, so I had to drive around for a-- Butcher?! Hey-hey-hey-hey!

Butcher: Baker! Is that--

Baker: The Candlestick Maker!

Butcher: Oh, man! The Trouble-making  Trio , together again! What’ve you guys been up to?

Baker: Well I grew up and opened the bakery…

Candlestick Maker: And I make candles. My shop is next door to his.

Butcher: Wow, you guys really branched out, huh?

Candlestick Maker: So, you need to get some money from the bank for your butcher shop, huh?

Butcher: Oh! (laughs) Uh, yeah. Right. My butcher shop.

Baker: Psst! Hey Wax, get a load of those! (points at the balloons in front of the teller's cage.)

Candlestick Maker: Huh-huh-huh-huh, balloons! And they got blue ones! Those are the best.

Butcher: You guys thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?

Baker: That it’s time for the Trouble-Making  Trio  to strike again?

(They all put their hands together.)

Butcher, Baker, and Candlestick Maker: (together) Rub-a-Dub, Dub!

(They laugh and run off in opposite directions. The baker stands next to the crowd and makes an announcement to the crowd.)

Baker: Oh, no! My pet-- iguana! Yeah, iguana has escaped! Can everyone look all around and help me find him?

(While the patrons huddle together and look around, the Candlestick Maker and the Butcher approach the balloons. The Butcher unties them and carries them off. The Candlestick Maker grabs the pen sitting in front of the teller cage.)

Bank Teller: Hey! You’re only supposed to take one! Activate the free balloon alarm!

(A guard is standing next to a circus strength tester, and is holding a balloon-shaped mallet. He strikes the base of the machine with the mallet, sending a metal cylinder up a track until it strikes the bell at the top.)

Butcher: Oh, yeah? PASTRAMI ATTACK--

(The Baker puts his hand on his shoulder, as he and the Candlestick Maker escape through the door.)

Baker: Ha-ha-ha! Come on! Let’s get out of here!

(The Butcher remembers that this is only a prank, not one of his big crimes.)

Butcher: Oh! Yeah! Uh, right.

(He runs out of the bank, following the other two.)

Butcher: Rub-a-dub-dub! Whoop-eee!

Narrator: Meanwhile, at the home of the better-behaved Becky Botsford…

(Scene: The Botsford house. Bob is in the process of making a tall cake, which is leaning to one side.)

Becky: How’s the cake frosting coming, Bob?

(Bob gives her a thumbs up. Suddenly, an announcer breaks into the current broadcast on the TV.)

Announcer: TV news flash! A  trio  of men made a daring heist today at National National Bank...

Becky: A bank heist? This sounds like a job for--

Announcer: …gettiing away with bunches of free balloons, and one of those pens on a chain!

Becky: Oh. Never mind.

Mrs. Botsford: Hi, hon! How’s your dad’s birthday cake coming along?

Becky: Bob is putting the finishing touches on it now.

(Globs of frosting cover the walls behind them.)

Becky: It wasn’t easy making a-- red velvet marble black forest angel food carrot cake with lemon vanilla cream fudge frosting! Why does Dad’s favorite cake have so many ingredients?

Mrs. Botsford: Oh, you know your father, Becky. He’s so-- uh…

Becky:  Finicky ?

Mrs. Botsford: Uh…

Becky: You know, it means he’s really choosy and specific about what he likes!

Mrs. Botsford: That’s it! Well, if you can be  finicky  about words, he can be  finicky  about cakes. And after all, it is his special day.

(Bob carries the cake over to the table and sets it down. It looks fine at first, but then starts to lean over further and further toward him.)

Mrs. Botsford: Wow! Bob, that is… um… umm….

Becky: ... ready to fall over! (She zips over and grabs Bob before the cake can fall on him,) Whoa! (The cake hits the floor, and more frosting covers the walls.)

Mrs. Botsford: Oh!

Becky: Well, we’d better go to the store and get more ingredients. Come on, Bob.

(Scene: The grocery store. The Butcher sneaks behind the Grocery Store Manager, carrying the Candlestick Maker and the Baker on his shoulders. They have balanced a bucket on top of the partly-open door to the stockroom, and the Baker pours a bag of flour into the bucket.)

Butcher: Oh man, this is gonna be classic!

Candlestick Maker: (giggles) Classic!

Baker: Ssh! Someone’s coming!

(They hide behind some crates.)

Becky: Hi. I need to make a very special kind of cake, and I was wondering--

Manager: Cake? We’ve got cake. In fact, we’ve got all kinds of cakes. How about an angel food cake? (He starts walking toward the door, but Becky stops him.)

Becky: Oh, no thanks. I just--

Manager: Well, how about a nice strawberry shortcake? They’re on sale! (He walks toward the door again, but stops.)

Becky: No, no thanks. I actually--

Manager: My, you’re  finicky ! Fond cake? Cheesecake? Pineapple upside-down cake?

(The three are getting antsy. The Baker gets an idea.)

Baker: (in a low voice) Hey, kid. Ask for some flour.

Becky: Oh, right, we need some flour. Wait-- who said that?

Manager: Flour? Why, we have a whole bunch of flour right over here! I’ll just-- hmm, that’s strange. (The three of them giggles from their hiding place.) Oh, well. I’ll just go get some more from the stockroom. Be right back!

(He opens the door, and the bucket of flour falls onto his head. He runs around with the bucket on his head amid a cloud of flour, and the three giggle hysterically. Becky covers her nose and coughs, waving off the flour.)

Baker: Hey, nice flour! Flour face!

Candlestick Maker: Yeah, flour face!

Manager: (still running around aimlessly) I hope you paid for that flour! And those bananas!

(The Baker and the Candlestick Maker run into the stockroom.)

Butcher: The Trouble-making  Trio  strikes again! Rub-a-dub-dub!

Baker: Rub-a-dub-dub!

(As the cloud of flour starts clearing away, Becky sees the Butcher as he walks into the stockroom.)

Becky: Butcher?

Butcher: Uh, no. Maybe.

Becky: (with a smirk on her face) Are you here pulling a goofy prank?

Butcher: What? No, um, I’m here casing the joint!

Baker: Come on, Butcher, let’s scram! Before we get in trouble!

Butcher; Heh. Uh, see you around, kid! Stay in school.

Manager: You hooligans come back here! I’m calling your parents!

Becky: He’s up to something. I don’t know what it is, but now this is definitely a job for WordGirl! Word UP! (transforms)

Narrator: Moments later, a flour-less WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face take to the skies in search of the Butcher and the rest of his Trouble-making  Trio !

WordGirl:  Trio ? Wait-- there’s three of them?

(Huggy chatters.)

WordGirl: Well, that’s what  trio  means. It’s a different way to say a group of three.

Narrator: Speaking of which, you have exactly three minutes to get to a bakery before they all close.

WordGirl: Oh, no! Dad’s birthday cake!

(Huggy notices a large cake-shaped building below them.)

WordGirl: (reading the sign) “The Baker’s Good Stuff Bakery.” Good eye, Huggy! Oh, but there’s no time to change!

Narrator: Well, this is just a suggestion, but maybe you should remain as WordGirl to visit this particular bakery. Hint, hint.

WordGirl: Have you been reading ahead in the script again?

Narrator: Maybe.

WordGirl: Let’s go, CHF!

(Scene: Inside the back room of the bakery.)

Candlestick Maker: Oh wow, this is so much fun, you guys!

Baker: Yeah, what do you say tomorrow we start a springtime snowball fight?

Candlestick Maker: Ho-ho-ho-ho, it’s not winter anymore! Classic!

Butcher: Yeah, classic.

Baker: Or we could steal another of farmer McGinley’s wash tubs!

Butcher: I- I think I need to go back to stealin’ money.

Baker: Stealing?

Butcher: Making. I meant, uh, making money.

Baker: Oh, come on, Butcher! You can take one more day off from the butcher shop, can’t ya? Live a little!

Butcher: Oookay. Uh, maybe it’s time I told you guys the truth. You see, I don’t really own a butcher shop.

(The sound of the bakery front door opening.)

Baker: Ooh! A customer. Hold that thought!

(He goes through the door to the front of the bakery. WordGirl and Huggy are standing there.)

Baker: Hello, may I help--

(He gasps when he sees WordGirl.)

Baker: WordGirl?

WordGirl: Hi! I know it’s late, but are you still open?

Baker: No! Uh… I mean yes! Why? I didn’t do anything wrong!

WordGirl: What?

Baker: I mean-- what can I do for you?

WordGirl: Oh! Well, I-- uh, no, a friend of mine needs to order a very special birthday cake for a very  finicky  person.

Baker: Oh?

(He looks nervously up at the balloons from the bank, which he had tied up in front of his counter, then down at the pen that he took from the bank, also sitting in plain sight.)

WordGirl: Do you have any-- red velvet marble black forest angel food carrot cake with lemon vanilla cream fudge frosting?

(The Baker has started to hyperventilate.)

WordGirl: Umm… Mr. Baker? Hello?

Baker: Oh! Yes, uh, we might have the very cake you’re looking for... (pauses to adjust his neckerchief) ... WordGirl. Allow me to just step into the back room to check.

WordGirl: Oh! Okay, great! Hey, could Captain Huggy Face have one of your cute balloons, please?

(The Baker again is terrified, and closes the door without responding. Meanwhile, in the back room, the Butcher and the Candlestick Maker are thumb wrestling.)

Baker: You guys! WordGirl is right out front!

Butcher: WordGirl?

Baker: Yeah, and she totally saw the balloons, her monkey wanted one!

Candlestick Maker: Oh man, oh man, oh man, this isn’t happening! Not me, not to me, nooo!

Baker: We’re gonna go to jail!

Butcher: Guys, take it easy! There’s nothin’ to worry about.

WordGirl: (offscene) Huggy, put that pen down! I don’t care if it’s on a chain.

Candlestick Maker: Ahh! I don’t want to go to jail! (He jumps into the tub.)

Butcher: Ah, pu-lease! I’m tellin ya, there’s no way she knows about the balloons!

(WordGirl and Huggy burst into the back room.)

Baker: Ahh! (runs to the tub)

WordGirl: Maybe I know a little something!

Butcher: WordGirl! (pause) Super-hearing?

WordGirl: You might as well give it up, Butcher. I’m here to break up your little-- uh, why are they sitting in a tub?

(Huggy chatters, and the Baker and Candlestick Maker duck down.)

Butcher: Oh. Well, they’re not really used to this whole criminal thing.

Baker: I’m not a criminal! I’m a baker!

Candlestick Maker: I just make pretty candles!

WordGirl: What are you two doing mixed up with the Butcher?

Butcher: Hey, we’re old friends! And together, we’re the Trouble-making  Trio ! Rub-a-dub-dub!

Candlestick Maker: I wanna go rub-a-dub-home!

(WordGirl and Huggy laugh.)

WordGirl: Wow. Some tough  trio !

Butcher: Okay, that’s it! (He walks over to the tub.) Guys, listen. This has been fun, but I gotta go back to being what I am-- an endangerous criminal!

WordGirl: You mean dangerous.

Butcher: Whatever.

Baker: Wait-- you’re a criminal?

Butcher: Yeah. I-I don’t own a butcher shop. I steal stuff. And when people like WordGirl get in my way, I do this… CORNED BEEF KABOOM!

(He covers WordGirl in corned beef. Huggy jumps up on a shelf and grabs a bag of frosting.)

WordGirl: Time to turn that frown upside down, Butcher!

(Huggy throws the frosting bag at WordGirl, and she shoots a glob at Butcher. He holds a cookie in front of his face, and the frosting creates a happy face on the cookie.)

Butcher: Ha-ha! Ya missed-- OOMPH!

(Another glob of frosting hits him square in the face. Huggy grabs two candles from a box which are joined by a common wick, and throws them at the Butcher like a pair of nunchucks. It trips him up, and he lands in the tub along with Baker and Candlestick Maker. The two of them throw their hands up in the air.)

Baker: Ooh! Uncle! Uncle!

(WordGirl gives a thumbs up to Huggy. The Grocery Store Manager, with the bucket still partially on his head, enters the backroom with two officers.)

Grocery Store Manager: That’s them, officer! The Trouble-making  Trio !

Officer Jim: Well, rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub!

Officer #2: And who do you think they be?

WordGirl: Uh, it’s the Butcher, the Baker, and the Candlestick maker!

Officer Jim: Turn ‘em out, knaves all three!

WordGirl: I don’t get it.

Baker: Wait! Wait! Please don’t send us to jail! We’re really sorry!

Candlestick Maker: Yeah! So sorry!

WordGirl: Well… do you promise to return the pen and the balloons to the bank?

Baker and Candlestick Maker: Yes, WordGirl, yes!

WordGirl: You’ll apologize to the grocery store manager, and help clean his store?

Baker and Candlestick Maker: Yes, WordGirl, yes!

WordGirl: And do you promise that this is the end of the Trouble-making  Trio  once and for all?

Baker and Candlestick Maker: We promise, WordGirl!

WordGirl: Well, there’s just one last thing. I need a small favor.

Baker and Candlestick Maker: Anything! You name it! Shoot! Go ahead!

WordGirl: Okay. There’s this  finicky  person I know who needs a very unusual birthday cake and candles.

Butcher: Uh… do they like pot roast?

(Scene: The Botsford house. Mr. Botsford is sitting at the table with a birthday cake, and blows out the candles.)

Becky, TJ, and Mrs. Botsford: Happy birthday!

Mr. Botsford: Wow, this is the best birthday ever! I even got a red velvet marble black forest angel food carrot cake with lemon vanilla cream fudge frosting! My favorite. From Becky and Bob.

Becky: Uh, it was no trouble at all.

Mr. Botsford: Gosh, what could make this day any more special?

(Bob holds up a pot roast with frosting on top, and a candle burning.)

Mr. Botsford: Well, uh, thank you... I think.

Narrator: Well, WordGirl fans, so much for the half-baked plans of the Trouble-making  Trio . And don’t forget-- if you’re  finicky  about where you get your word-filled fun and excitement, tune in next time for another adventure of WordGirl!