Steven's Birthday

(The episode opens with a tilt down to Steven and the Crystal Gems setting up for Steven's birthday in front of Greg's Storage Shed.)

Steven: I can't believe it's finally my birthday. You're sure it's okay we're taking a break from the drill?

Pearl: Peridot will keep us on schedule.

Amethyst: Yo, Peri! You sure you don't want to get in on this? *blows balloon that looks like Peridot, balloon pops*

Peridot: *Unamused, flaps down welding goggles and walks to the drill*

Garnet: We should celebrate our progress. We should celebrate your progress. You've grown a lot this year.

Pearl: He certainly has.

Steven: Yeah. Yeah, I guess so!

[Car horn honks]

Connie: *jumps out of Greg's Van and grabs a suitcase* Steven!

Steven: Connie!

Connie: Happy birthday! *hugs Steven*

Steven: Thanks. Welcome to the party! May I offer you... *grabs two juice boxes from behind him* A refreshment?

Connie: Oh, Steven! How genteel.

Steven & Connie: Clink!

Steven: So, this is the barn! I'm surprised your parents are letting you stay for the weekend.

Connie: Haha. It wasn't easy. They'd only let me come after equipping me with every piece of safety gear on the planet.

Greg: What should I do with this defibrillator!?

Connie: Um, we can just leave it in the car for now!

Steven: *giggles* Well, I'm glad you could make it.

Connie: Me too.

Greg: Alright, move it Connie, I was his best friend first. Happy birthday! Ooookay, shtoo-ball. Let me get a look at you.

Steven: Daaad!

Greg: Sorry, I just can't believe my little boy is growing up so quickly. Seems like just yesterday you were a baby, and now you're turning 14 years old.

Connie: *spits out juice* Steven! You're 14?!

Steven: Yeah?

Connie: (covers her ears) But I'm only 12 and three quarters! You're older than me? I- I don't believe it!

Greg: Well sure, check it out. (He pulls out a book with a star on the front under the name "Steven Quartz Universe". He opens it to reveal images of Steven on his birthday throughout the years.) Let's see, we have infant, baby, toddler - what's it called - adolescent, adolescent, adolescent, adolescent... Whoa, looks like you stagnated there a little bit, buddy.

Connie: Mr. Universe, could I show you how the defibrillator works?

Greg: Oh, uh, sure! Be right back, kiddo.

[Trans. back of Greg's van]

Connie: So he's not going to grow up?

Greg: Well, it's hard to say. He's a Gem, and Gems don't really grow up. I mean, I've known the Gems since I was 22, and they never change! They just are what they are. But Steven's not like the other Gems, he's half-human. So, I'm not really sure how he's gonna age. We're just gonna have to wait and see.

Connie: Yes, right.

Greg: Are you okay?

Connie: Yeah, yeah.

Greg: Human beings?

Connie: Human beings. *high-fives Greg*

[Trans. barn]

Steven: *tries to hang up his banner*

Amethyst: Hey, birthday man! What'cha doing?

Steven: I want to hang up this banner. So--

Amethyst: Dude, it would be easier you just stretch *extends her limbs* right up here! Hahaha! How's that?

Steven: Oh yeah...

Amethyst: Come on! What's the verdict? I can't hold this forever.

Steven: Uh, it looks great. *gives a thumbs up*

Greg: There's my b-day guy.

(Amethyst shrinks her limbs back to normal size and walks away.)

Steven: Uh, what's up dad?

Greg: We're almost ready to start. Got your birthday cape and crown ready too. Here. *hands over the birthday suit* Put it on and go wait in the barn. *snickers* Okay now, sit tight. You're gonna love this.

(Greg shuts the barn door with Steven inside. Steven throws his birthday suit aside and looks at his hands, balling them into fists and the screen goes dark.)

Greg: *knocking on the door* Okay Steven, open up!

(The barn door opens as Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, Connie, and Greg all yell "Surprise!" as they see Steven and gasp collectively.)

Garnet: Wow.

Pearl: Oh my.

Greg: Huh?

(Steven walks towards them taking each step carefully as he gains control of his new, taller form.)

Pearl: Steven... are you feeling okay?

Garnet: Heh, you look good Steven.

Steven: Oh, *chuckles* thanks, Garnet.

Amethyst: Dude, your neck!

Steven: Oh, uh, what about it?

Amethyst: You have one!

Connie: So, you just grew... all of a sudden?

Steven: I had a magical growth spurt, just now. Cool, right?

Connie: Oh, right! It's totally cool!

Garnet: Alright then, let's get this party started. *blows out candles*

Greg: Yeah, let's eat this cookie cake!

Connie: Here, Steven. *gives Steven a present*

Steven: Wow, thanks.

Connie: Oh, you don't have to untie that. It's just a box made to look like I spent a lot of time wrapping it. *giggles*

Steven: *opens the box* Ohhh a new shirt! What a pretty color.

Connie: Try it on.

(Steven tries to button up his shirt.)

Connie: Oh, I guess it doesn't fit since-

Steven: No, don't worry. It fits fine just like this!

[Cut to Steven, Amethyst, Pearl and Connie playing badminton]

Pearl: Here it comes!

Connie: I got it, Pearl!

Pearl: Nice, Connie.

(Amethyst hits it out of the field and lands on a tree.)

Pearl: If you hit it, you get it.

Connie: No worries, I'll grab it.

Steven: Connie, let me.

Connie: Oh, cool, thanks Steven!

Steven: No problem, Connie.

Amethyst: Yo, bring back that shuttlecock!

Steven: Huh?

(Steven's arm shrinks down to its former size.)

Steven: *gasp* Oh no! *he stretches it again*

[Trans. Ext. The Barn]

(Steven, Connie, Pearl, and Amethyst are dancing.)

Garnet: This one goes out to the birthday boy, and his best friend.

(Both Steven and Connie start to laugh.)

Steven & Connie: *giggle softly, begin dancing*

Connie: I still can't believe all this time you were older than me. You should sneak me into a PG-13 movie sometime.

Steven: *begins sweating* Oh yeah...

Connie: *giggles* No, I'm just kidding, I would never ask you to break the law. It's funny that I have to look up at you now though.

Steven: *fidgets* Funny good or funny bad?

Connie: Funny good. *leans on Steven's chest*

Pearl: Aw... Steven's having fun.

Garnet: We know how to throw a party.

Steven: *clears throat* Excuse me for a moment Connie, I'm gonna go freshen up. Be right back. *pants heavily and sweats, returns to his former size* Ohhh geez... If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi- *eyes widen*

Greg and Amethyst: *eyes widen* (Greg drops a pinata stick.)

Amethyst: What are you doing?

Steven: Well uh... *ages* what are you doing?

Greg: What are you doing to your body?

Amethyst: Woah, woah, woah, have you been stretching yourself out all day?

Steven: No! I was just... slouching.

Greg: Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.

Steven: Because dad, I can't stay a kid forever, when Connie grows up and becomes president what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!

Amethyst: Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.

Steven: Yeah well, I'm half human so maybe it works different for me, we'll just have to wait and see, right?

Greg: *sigh* Steven...

(Steven walks back to Connie.)

[Trans. blanket outside]

Connie: That one's... Canis helicopterus.

Steven: Uh uh, helicopterus?

Connie: Yeah, Dogcopter, get it? Now you make one up!

Steven: Okay, um... *clears throat* That one's, uh, snake constellation.

Connie: That's... pretty good.. Are you okay? It looks like you're gonna throw up.

Steven: Oh yeah, e-everything's fine!

Connie: Okay... thats good. You know, to be honest, I was a little worried before. This might sound silly, but... I'm really glad that I'm going to get grow up with you.

(Steven becomes overwhelmed, melts down into his clothes and seemingly disappears.)

Connie: Steven? (She moves his shirt to reveal that Steven has turned into a baby.) Steven?! What's going on? What happened?

Steven: Whaa? *looks at himself, begins crying*

Connie: *shows everyone Steven's crying baby form* We were just talking then all of a sudden-

Pearl: He turned back into a baby?!

Connie: YES!

Amethyst: *taking Steven* Dude, I told you... Stretching your body out for that long is not good for you!

Steven: *talks baby talk*

Amethyst: *handing Steven to Pearl* Here you go, Pearl.

Pearl: Oh, no, no, don't give him to me!

Garnet: Hand him over, Amethyst. *removes shades*

Amethyst: *gives Steven to her* Here you go.

Garnet: *blinks eyes one by one and sticks out her tongue*

Steven: *cries even more*

Garnet: My power means nothing to an infant.

Greg: Okay, this is my department.

Connie: What are you going to do?

Greg: Don't worry, I got this.

[Trans. Greg's Van]

(Let Me Drive My Van (into Your Heart) plays in the van as Greg drives.)

Steven: *cries*

Connie: *waves a maraca in front of baby Steven* How can the Gems not know what to do?

Greg: You think they know the first thing about raising a baby? That was all me, but I don't get it, driving always used to calm him down.

Connie: But, how do we change him back?

Greg: I don't know, look Connie, let me take you home, I-I'll call you when this all this gets sorted out.

Steven: *talks baby talk*

Connie: W-Wait no, I wanna stay.

Greg: Are you sure?

Connie: Yeah, I just want to be there for Steven. Don't worry Steven, it doesn't matter to me what age it seems like you are, I wanna hang out with you no matter what. Your dad still has his carwash and the gems have to do gem stuff so I'll watch you when they're not around. I can come see you after I'm done training with Pearl too. Doesn't that sound fun?

(Baby Steven coos happily and holds onto Connie's finger.)

Greg: Look at that, he finally stopped crying.

Connie: Well that's a start.

Amethyst: Ahem.

Greg: What's up, Amethyst?

(It is revealed that Amethyst has been shapeshifted into a carseat for baby Steven the whole time)

Amethyst: Baby Steven needs changin'.

[Trans. Next morning, Greg's Storage Shed]

Connie: *wakes up, sees that Steven's shirt is empty* Oh my gosh. Ooh my gosh... Did he get even smaller? Steven's microscopic! He's reverted back to a zygote! Everyone! Steven is-

(Connie runs out of her tent and sees Steven back to normal wearing the shirt she gave him.)

Steven: Look, it fits now.

Connie: You're back to normal! *hugs Steven*

Steven: Sorry this was a disaster, I wanted to look older for you. *blushes*

Connie: That doesn't matter.

Steven: I... heard what you said in the van. It's really okay if I don't age like a human?

Connie: Of course it is. I like you just the way you are. *smushes Steven's cheek*

Steven: Oof, okay.

Connie: Uh... Steven? You've got something on your cheek.

Steven: Huh? *gasp* It's a facial hair!

Connie: Really?

Steven: DAD!

Greg: What is it lil' man?

Steven: Look at this! *points at facial hair*

Greg: Holy smokes! You're growin' a beard! You really are getting older. *hugs Steven* Everybody! Look at this!

Pearl: Unbelievable.

Garnet: Very impressive.

Amethyst: Is there more where that came from?

Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst: *laugh*

Connie: *giggles*

(The star closes on Connie, who is smiling.)