The Young and the Meatless

Transcript for The Young and the Meatless
Narrator: One quiet day in the city museum, the ancient Tryptophanian Value Meal Bucket of Golden Chicken is about to get a visit from... Lady Redundant Woman!

(Scene: The museum. Lady Redundant Woman shimmies down a rope toward the golden bucket.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Yes! Six little chicken legs, all  duplicate s of one another! An ideal, flawless, perfect prize for Lady Redundant Woman!

(After she reaches the floor of the museum, the Butcher also comes down next to the bucket, wearing a rope tied around his waist.)

Butcher: Oh yeah! A bucket of golden chicken! And it’s all mi--

(His rope breaks, and he falls to the floor, taking Lady Redundant Woman with him.)

Butcher: Oh. Hi. (waves)

Lady Redundant Woman: Hi. (waves back) Hello. Aloha.

Butcher: Um... I don’t mean to  interrupt ey, but were you about to steal those golden chicken drumsticks?

Lady Redundant Woman: Yep, affirmative, you betcha!

Butcher: Uh, I don’t know what your gig is, lady, but anything having to do with meat is usually my thing! Meat-- Butcher-- get it?

(He picks up the bucket, and she grabs it from him.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Yes, well, since there are six chicken legs that are similar, alike, and well, redundant, this prize clearly fits into MY villain identity! For I am Lady Redundant Woman!

Butcher: Well, since I have no idea what you just said, I- I’m gonna assume you’re wrong! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some ancient chicken to steal!

(He grabs the bucket back from her. She tries to get it back from him.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Negative! Nope! I wouldn’t count on it, buster!

Butcher: It’s “Butcher!”

(WordGirl and Huggy show up.)

WordGirl: Hold it right there, Lady Redundant Woman! You too, Butcher! And, just so I know, um... you guys working together, or--?

Butcher: Uh, no, arguing.

Lady Redundant Woman: Fighting. Bickering. You know.

WordGirl: Alright, so-- who wants to get taken down first?

Lady Redundant Woman: Not a chance, no way, no how! Hah!

(She presses her nose, creating a copy of herself. The copy looks over at Butcher, and immediately becomes love-struck. The Butcher looks at her, and apparently feels the same way During this exchange, a love ballad plays in the background. As they approach each other, a click is heard, and the music stops. The museum curator is standing in the doorway behind them, holding a large boom box.)

Museum Curator: Heh, heh. I’m sorry about that, that’s a faulty music system. (He walks off carrying the boom box.)

WordGirl: Uh guys, I’m still-- here.

(Lady Redundant Woman grabs her copy’s arm.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Come on! Now’s our chance to escape! Hit the road! Vamoose!

(As the copy is pulled away, she reaches out toward the Butcher, and the Butcher reaches out toward her.)

Butcher: No, wait!

WordGirl: (yelling) Everybody stop!

(The Butcher sprays shish kabobs from his hand, and they land on top of WordGirl and Huggy, covering them.)

Butcher: (yelling toward the copy) Hey, come back! W-what’s your name?

(He runs off, leaving WordGirl and Huggy still covered in meat. Slowly their heads emerge from the pile.)

WordGirl: Ugh! That may have been our most confusing battle ever.

Narrator: Back at the rair of Lady Ledundant Ruman-- Back at the lair of Lady Redundant Woman...

(Scene: Lady Redundant Woman’s apartment lair. The copy is staring out the window, looking lost.)

Lady Redundant Woman: What got into you back there, Dupey? You weren’t acting like myself! What happened?

(Dupey folds her arms and shrugs.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Alright... well listen, try not to let it happen again, okay? Good. So let’s see now... we need a new heist, a new robbery... a new--

(On the TVs behind her, an announcer cuts into the Pretty Princess and Magic Pony Power Hour.)

Anthony (TV Announcer): --Crime. Where? The museum! An ancient Tryptophanian Ceremonial Value Meal Bucket of Golden Chicken was almost stolen today by Lady Redundant Woman and her trusty  duplicate !

(Their identical mug shots are shown on the TV.)

Lady Redundant Woman: (gasps with delight) We’re on TV!

Anthony (TV Announcer): ...And this man... the Butcher, We go now to our man on the street.

(The Butcher’s mug shot is then shown on TV, and Dupey stares at him lovingly. The same love ballad begins playing.)

Stu (Man on the Street): Thanks so much, Anthony. If anyone has any information in regards to-- why-- what is that music?

(The museum curator walks up behind him, carrying the same boom box.)

Museum Curator: Uh, sorry about that. Faulty music system.

Stu (Man on the Street): It’s hard to do a newscast when you’re being  interrupt ed by music.

Museum Curator: No you’re right, I’m sorry. Uh, I got it.

(He pushes a button and the music stops.)

Anthony (TV Announcer): Seems to be some sort of technical difficulties there. (Clears his throat) Anyway, in completely unrelated news, a local jewelry store is displaying three similar meat-shaped tiaras. I know THIS reporter is hungry for a story like that! Ha-ha...

(Lady Redundant Woman turns off the TV, and heads toward the service elevator.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Three meaty tiaras, eh? Hmm... but it’s meat again. So that means the Butcher will probably be after them too. I’d better keep you with me for now,  duplicate . That way it’ll be two against one! Ha-ha-ha! Oh, you’re in for it this time, Butcher! You are FINISHED! Through!

(Scene: The jewelry store. Meat products are scattered around outside the store, Inside, the Butcher reaches up for the tiaras.)

WordGirl: (offscreen) Hands up, Butcher!

(He turns around and looks at her.)

Butcher: They’re already up!

WordGirl: Well, I mean--

(Lady Redundant Woman and Dupey come through the door.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Excuse me! Beg your pardon! I hate to  interrupt , but those tiaras are MINE! NOW, Dupey!

(Dupey stares at the Butcher, and the same love ballad begins playing in the background. The Butcher and Dupey run toward each other, then grabbing each other’s hands.)

WordGirl: Where does that music keep coming from?

(The Museum Curator walks past the door of the jewelry store, carrying the boom box.)

Museum Curator: Hello, me again. (He pushes the button, shutting off the music.) Sorry, just taking this to get fixed. (Walks off)

WordGirl: Ugh. It is so frustrating when you keep getting  interrupt ed, you know?

(There is complete silence. WordGirl clears her throat.)

WordGirl: Doesn’t anyone want to know what  interrupt  means?

Lady Redundant Woman: I already know what it means.

Butcher: (Still holding Dupey’s hands) Sorry, busy right now.

WordGirl: Uh well, just in case...  interrupt  means to stop something while it’s happening. Like how that music kept  interrupt ing our action scene!

Butcher: (Still distracted by Dupey) Oh, great.

WordGirl: Or how I’m going to  interrupt  you two before this gets even MUSHIER!

Lady Redundant Woman: (Looking at Dupey) Wait a minute... you’re SWOONING! You’re-- LOVESTRUCK?! You have a CRUSH? On HIM?

(Dupey nods in agreement.)

WordGirl: Uh, yeah! What show have YOU been watching?

Lady Redundant Woman:  Duplicate ! Is this true?

Butcher: I-is that your name? Dupli something?

WordGirl: Kind of. You see,  duplicate  means a copy of something. She’s a  duplicate  of Lady Redundant Woman.

Lady Redundant Woman: Well, I simply will not allow this! You’re in big trouble, young lady!

(She grabs Dupey by the arm and carries her off.)

Butcher: Hey! Come back here!

WordGirl: Hey! You guys can’t just leave!

Butcher: CHICKEN COLATASTROPHE!

(He launches a meat attack on WordGirl, then looks out the door and runs off to find his love. WordGirl and Huggy manage to free themselves from the meat pile.)

WordGirl: Okay, that’s it! We have to put a stop to this, Huggy! Just not sure kids are gonna watch much more of this lovey-dovey stuff!

(Huggy starts eating the chicken.)

Narrator: Later, back in the rair of Lady... ugh, why can’t I say that? Later, back in the lair of Lady Redundant Woman...

(Scene: Lady Redundant Woman’s lair. We see them going up in the elevator, and can see into each floor as it passes. It looks like each floor is decorate exactly the same. Lady Redundant Woman is yelling at her copy.)

Lady Redundant Woman: I can’t comprehend this! I’m floored! I just can’t believe it! My own  duplicate , falling for that-- that meat guy! Well? What do you have to say for yourself?

(Dupey turns on the TVs, then crosses her arms and shrugs.)

Lady Redundant Woman: A shrug?! What kind of answer is that? That’s it, young lady! Consider yourself GROUNDED! Chastised! Punished!

(She presses her noses and pulls Dupey back into herself.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Okay, now... back to business!

(She starts listening to a broadcast on the TV.)

Stu (Man on the Street): I’m here at the Garbage of Ancient People Museum, where a new exhibit has opened up.

Garbage Museum Curator: Yes, three ancient, almost identical T-Bone steak bones that someone threw out!

Stu (Man on the Street): How exciting.

Garbage Museum Curator: Came from Egypt.

Stu (Man on the Street): Egypt, you say?

(WordGirl is also watching the broadcast from her Secret Spaceship Hideout.)

WordGirl: Priceless and redundant meat bones, eh? Come on, Huggy! It’s time to stop the Butcher and Lady Redundant Woman once and for all! They’re not gonna turn MY show into a soap opera!

(The yellow light on the panel begins flashing. Scoops comes on the monitor.)

Scoops: WordGirl? It’s me, Scoops!

(WordGirl picks up a mirror and starts brushing her hair.)

WordGirl: Oh! Hi, Scoops! How you-- going... you, uh... guy?

Scoops: Well, you left a message in my mailbox saying I should call you at this number?

WordGirl: Did I?! (giggles) I don’t, um...

Scoops: Am I  interrupt ing something?

WordGirl: Oh no, no! Of course not, I could-- talk-- all day.

(Huggy points at his wrist, then throws his hands up in frustration.)

WordGirl: Well, I guess I do have to go catch a couple of villains.

Scoops: Oh, y- you want me to call you back later?

WordGirl: (fiddling with her cape) Eh, if you want, you don’t have to--

Scoops: Alright.

WordGirl: Call me back at exactly five fifteen!

Scoops: Oh! Okay.

WordGirl: Great! Bye.

''She falls to her knees with a smile on her face. She then looks over at Huggy, who is staring at her.)''

WordGirl: What?

(Scene: The Garbage of Ancient People Museum. Stu is still interviewing the curator.)

Stu (Man on the Street): But when you-- get right down to it, it’s... a garbage museum, really.

Garbage Museum Curator: Yeah, it’s my life baby.

(Lady Redundant Woman pops out from behind the garbage can containing the T-Bone steak bones.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Ah, my valuable, priceless, and hardly cheap artifacts! You now belong to ME! LADY REDUNDANT WOMAN!!

(From the other direction, the Butcher walks in carrying a bouquet of flowers. He runs toward Lady Redundant Woman as he hears her talking.)

Butcher: Dupey! I- I knew you’d be here!

(He stops and looks at her icy-cold stare.)

Butcher: Oh. It’s-- you. (He drops the flowers into the garbage can with the bones.)

Lady Redundant Woman: You do know that Dupey is a COPY of me, a  duplicate ? We’re exactly alike!

Butcher: Pfft, yeah. I don’t think so.

Lady Redundant Woman: What do you mean by that?

Butcher: Look, no offense lady, but Dupey is special. And you’re-- uh...

Lady Redundant Woman: Yeah? I’m what?

Butcher: (backing away) Uh-- you seem nice.

Lady Redundant Woman: I don’t have to take that from you!

Butcher: What? I said you seem nice! Can’t you take a compliment?

Lady Redundant Woman: Ha! That wasn’t a compliment!

Butcher: Alright, look-- just bring out Dupey and take a hike, okay? I- I’ll even let you have the steak bones.

Lady Redundant Woman: Oh! You’ll LET me have them? Listen up, big boy-- I take whatever I want, GOT IT?

(WordGirl flies in with Huggy.)

WordGirl: Fighting again, huh?

Lady Redundant Woman: WordGirl!

Butcher: WordGirl! Listen, uh, help me out here, alright? I- I’m trying to talk sense to this lady, but she’s being mean! All I want is to see Dupey again.

WordGirl: Yeah look, I’m not comfortable with-- HEY!

(Lady Redundant Woman runs off with the steak bones. She comes back, grabs the flowers and takes off again.)

Butcher: Oh no you don’t! BALONEY BARRACADE!

(He launches a meat attack, which blocks the exit.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Oh, I’m trapped, caged and snared! I-- have-- no-- choice!

(She presses her nose, bringing out Dupey.)

Lady Redundant Woman: Help me, Dupey!

(Dupey crosses her arms and turns away from her with an angry look. Then she sees the Butcher, and the love ballad starts playing again. The Butcher starts skipping toward her.)

WordGirl: Not again!

(Lady Redundant Woman angrily walks toward the Butcher. She tries to stop him, but gets knocked over as he skips toward Dupey. The Garbage Museum Curator comes up from behind WordGirl carrying the same boom box that the other curator was carrying earlier.)

Garbage Museum Curator: Uh, sorry for  interrupt ing, my friend sold me this music system, but I, um, think there’s something wrong with it.

(The Butcher and Dupey stare into each other’s eyes. Meanwhile the curator presses a button on the front of the boom box, shutting off the music. The Butcher holds Dupey’s hands, then looks around angrily at Lady Redundant Woman and WordGirl.)

Butcher: PEPPERONI PRISON!

(He launches a meat attack at them, creating a jail cell around them with bars made of pepperoni links.)

WordGirl: Oh, man!

Butcher: (turning back towards Dupey) At last, Dupey-- we’re alone!

WordGirl: Actually, we’re all still here, so technically you are not alone!

(Huggy chatters at her.)

WordGirl: Oh fine, Watch your mush-fest.

(Dupey starts crying, and turns away from Butcher.)

Dupey: We can never be together.

Butcher: Wh--?? Wh- why not? ‘Cause I have sweaty hands?

Dupey: No, it’s not that, it’s-- it’s because--- I’m-- a vegetarian!

(She cries and walks off, while Butcher stares ahead with a stunned expression.)

Butcher: NOOOO! Wait-- what’s a vegetarian, again? I know we’ve covered this.

WordGirl: Yeah. Multiple times. A vegetarian is a person who doesn’t eat meat.

Butcher: Oh, thanks WordGirl.

WordGirl: No problem.

Butcher: (clearing his throat and getting back into character) NOOOO!

(As he screams, there is a brief montage of scenes in which he imagines him and Dupey together, including riding a ferris wheel, ice skating, and standing next to a large sand castle on the beach. The scenes are accompanied by the same love ballad. After a few minutes of this, Huggy has eaten himself free of the pepperoni prison, and knocks him over with a karate kick.)

WordGirl: Way to go, Huggy!

(The Butcher lies heartbroken on the floor with Huggy on top of him.)

Butcher: Okay if I just sit here? I’m not really in the mood to fight.

(Huggy chatters, and pats his face.)

Narrator: And so, once again the daring duo of WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face  interrupt  the plans of a couple of no-good criminals!

WordGirl: Hey Huggy, a little help here please?

Narrator: And we learn that romance and superheroes really don’t mix.

(The communicator on WordGirl’s belt goes off.)

Scoops: Hello? WordGirl?

WordGirl: Oh my gosh! Scoops is calling me!

Scoops: Uh-- is now a good time?

WordGirl: Oh yeah, heh-heh-heh! Yeah, why? Fine.

Narrator: Wow, maybe they DO mix! And so, for action without  interrupt ion and adventure that can never be  duplicate d on any other show, join us next time for another episode of-- WordGirl!

(For the final scene, Dupey is riding off in a city bus staring at a picture of the Butcher. After a few moments, she tosses it out the window, and we see that it has lipstick marks on it.)