In Like Ed

Ed: [holding a car door] "Va-room, vroom vroom, rrrrr. Va-room, vroom vroom beep beep! Reet! Beep beep! Reet! Va-room, beep beep, rrrrr. Reet! Delivery, mister?" Eddy: "Did you eat breakfast this morning, Ed?" [taking out a blender] "Here. Give it to Double D to put on the table." Ed: "Service is my middle toe. Check please." Eddy: "Should've ate breakfast, Ed." Edd: [with a toy duck] "Seems to be in fine condition. Ten cents, a fair asking price." Eddy: "This cool helmet ought to bring in–" Ed: [running by with the car door] "Va-room!" Eddy: "Quit fooling around, Ed!" Ed: [stopping] "It's for my table, Eddy." [he throws it on an overweighted table] "Car door, only 5 cents. Dad's canoe, 20 cents. Mom's dryer, 15 cents." [He tosses the items on the table.] "No price will be refused at Honest Ed's!" [Ed picks up the table everything is balanced on.] "Table, five cents. Oops." [the pile starts to collapse] "London bridge is falling!" ''[The pile of goods falls on Ed. When Ed gets up, he has a vase and a bow in his mouth. He uses the bow to shoot the vase, which hits Eddy on the back of the head.]'' Ed: "Café au lait!" Eddy: [dazed] "What day is it?" Edd: "Why, it's garage sale day, Eddy! And I've just finished pricing my merchandise." Eddy: [looking at prices] "Five cents for skates? Two cents for a stack of comics? What are ya? Up the ante, Double D! I'm charging fifty bucks for this baby." [He holds up the helmet.] Edd: "Fifty dollars? Eddy, the thinking behind a garage sale is to recycle one's unwanted items at a fair and economical price!" Eddy: "My stuff ain't 'economical'. They're deluxe, one-of-a-kind items." Edd: [picking a picture up] "Your school photo? Eddy, please. This is hardly collectable." Ed: "More junk!" [He grabs Eddy and puts him in the bow.] Eddy: "No! Wait, Ed!" ''[Ed draws back the string and fires. Eddy flies through the garage door onto the driveway.]'' Sarah: "Coochie coochie coo!" [She taps him on the forehead with a rolling pin.] Eddy: "Hey hey hey!" Sarah: "You're right, Jimmy. He's still breathing." [Jimmy has a blender with him.] Jimmy: "Too bad. Let's make some three-berry slushies, Sarah." Eddy: [snatching the blender] "Gimme that! You gotta pay for it first, Jim-" [He gets hit with the blender by Sarah.] Sarah: "He did, smarty-pants!" Jimmy: "I got it at Kevin's garage sale for a nickel." ''[Kevin is hosting a sale as well. A banner hung on his garage reads "Better than Eddy's Garage Sale."]'' Edd: "Well, it seems Kevin's giving us some healthy competition, Eddy." [Eddy becomes boiling mad.] Rolf: [haggling] "No more than one." Kevin: "No less than four!" Rolf: "Then one turnip and two carrots or I walk." Kevin: "Throw in twenty bucks and it's yours." Rolf: "This is good. But you are bad, as Rolf would have gone as high as five turnips. You are so weak." Eddy: [amazed] "Kevin just scored twenty bucks." Jonny: [selecting a fork] "How much is this, Kevin?" Kevin: [eating a carrot] "Fifty cents, take it or leave it." Jonny: "Okay." [He drops two quarters into Kevin's palm.] Kevin: "Doesn't Plank want one too?" Jonny: "How'd you know?" Eddy: "How did he know?" [His friends shrug.] Edd: "I'm not sure! Could be an instinct." Ed: "I smell it too." Eddy: "He knows too much. Something's fishy." Kevin: [counting his money and laughing] "See you at the candy store, Dork, Dorkk, and Dorky!" [Ed comes up to Kevin, a question on his lips.] Ed: "Uh, Kevin?" Kevin: "Sheepskin seat covers." Ed: "Wow. He knew what I was gonna say!" Eddy: "See? He's got inside information! He knows more than you, Double D!" Edd: [angry] "Oh. Really? Shall we investigate?" [He exits to the right.] Ed: "Double D's got a plan, Eddy!" Eddy: "But that's my schtick."

Edd: [punching in a code] "I've created a few top-secret devices in order to scrutinize Kevin's master plan." [A secret door opens, revealing a hidden closet.] Eddy: "Cool." Ed: "Whoa." Edd: "Let's see now. Behold!" [He pulls out a broom.] Eddy: "It's a mop. So what?" Edd: "This covert household utensil contains a tiny radio transmitter and–" Eddy: "Yawn." Edd: "Well then, how 'bout…a bucket that holds a tape recorder hidden in the false bottom? See?" Eddy: "Quit holding out, Double D." [He rummages through the closet.] "Where's the smokescreens, oil slicks, or laser watches?" Edd: "Um I–" Ed: "Um, Double D?" [holding a clothes hanger] "What's this do?" Edd: "That's just a coathanger, Ed." Ed: "Oh. Mum's the word." Eddy: "Wait a minute." [pulling out a jawbreaker] "I found a jawbreaker!" Edd: "Eddy, stop, no!" [He yanks the sphere away before Eddy can eat it, though Eddy breaks his teeth upon biting.] "It may look like a jawbreaker, but it's really a baking-powder vapor barrier for quick escapes! Why, just one lick–" Ed: "Bananas!" [He has a jet pack.] Eddy: "Wow! Gimme that! A jet pack!" Edd: "Please, Eddy, I'm still testing it!" Eddy: [starting it up] "Woohoo! Works fine, Double D!" Edd: "Oh dear, Eddy–" [Eddy takes off.] "But we still need to pick code names, Eddy!" Ed: [holding the coathanger's tip in his hand] "I am The Claw, and The Claw wishes to fly too!" ''[Ed's claw grabs Eddy's shirt, yanking him off the pack. The jetpack flies through the door uncontrolled.]'' Eddy: "Nice one, Ed." Ed: "Thanks, Eddy!" Edd: [downhearted] "All that hard work." [A buzzer sounds.] "It's the Kevin motion alert! We're receiving a transmission!" Eddy: "What's he holding? Zoom! Zoom in, zoom in! Where'd you hide the camera?" Ed: "Only the Claw knows." ''[The camera is hidden in plain sight. It is on Kevin's lawn, pointed directly at his front door. As an extra precaution, Ed has taped a twig to the side of the camera to help disguise it.]'' Kevin: "Huh? Dorks!" [He turns the camera off.] Edd: "We've lost visual contact! We'll need to switch to field surveillance, Eddy. I'll explain on the way." Ed: "The Claw is needed!" Eddy: "Get going! You almost poked me in the head with that stupid thing."

''[Kevin walks down the street, carrying a gift-wrapped box. He passes by Eddy, who is reading a newspaper. Soon after he passes, Eddy falls over, revealing himself as a cardboard standee. The real Eddy then peeks out from behind a lamppost.]'' Eddy: "Loudmouth to the Projector. Do you read me?" Edd: "The Professor, Eddy! I'm the Professor?" Eddy: "Whatever. Bigchin has made contact." ''[Kevin now stands in someone's driveway and is talking to Rolf. Rolf is carrying a giant sausage as a present.]'' Kevin: [laughs] Rolf: "Ya, in one sitting!"Kevin: "Oh ho, you're sick, man." [Back to Edd.] Edd: "Copy that, Loudmouth." ''[Kevin and Rolf continue, passing by Edd. They suddenly stop.]'' Kevin: "Huh? I think Ed found his calling in life, huh Rolf?" [Ed is pretending to be a birdbath.] Rolf: "Ed-boy reminds me to water my yams." Kevin: "Yams. Good one." Rolf: "This is no joke." Kevin: "You're killing me!" ''[Kevin and Rolf arrive at a green house. Kevin rings the doorbell, and the door opens.]'' Rolf: "Hello! Direct me to your music box!" ''[Rolf and Kevin enter. Sarah sticks her head out and looks around surreptitiously before closing the door.]'' Edd: "A code of some sort." Eddy: "This is big!"

Edd: [looking through a periscope] "They appear to be some clandestine order bent on the exchange of classified intelligence." Eddy: "Ah-ha! Say what?" Edd: "It's a meeting of spies, Eddy!" Ed: [pushing Edd aside] "Oh, let me, Double D! I love spies." Eddy: [shoving Ed out of the way] "Get in line." [looking at the gathering] "Looks like Jimmy's the brains of the outfit. Ugh, Sarah." [He turns the periscope to view a bunch of the gift-wrapped packages stacked on a table.] "Oh yeah! It's the parcels! I bet they're loaded with…intelligence." Edd: "Very good, Eddy!" Eddy: "Heh heh, not bad, huh? Let's mingle and shut down this operation." [While his back was turned, Ed had replaced the periscope with his own body.] Eddy: "Where'd they go? Who? What? Where? Huh?" Ed: "You got sleepies in your eyes, Eddy." Eddy: [stepping away from Ed] "Let's go, agents."

''[The Claw is perched on a tree branch. He takes a grappling gun and shoots the hooks at the house. The hooks grab onto the chimney, leaving a rope behind them. The Claw takes his tongue and uses the rope like a zip-line. Shortly thereafter, an Ed-shaped indentation appears when the operative slams into the wall. The doorbell rings.]'' Rolf: "Let Rolf get the door, pale Jimmy!" [He opens the door and Eddy tramps in, dressed in a suit.] "What?" Eddy: "Nice little soirée, huh, Rolfy boy?" Rolf: [a tone of mockery tinting his voice] "You have an invitation, overdressed Ed-boy?" Eddy: [hissing in Rolf's ear] "The crow caws at midnight." Rolf: "And the cat sours the basil. Rolf would love to talk politics, but I must see your invitation." Eddy: "No problem, stretch. Look! Who's that hairy beast eating all the dip?" Rolf: [straining his eyes] "Nana?" [Eddy disappears.] Eddy: [notices Nazz] "Ha haha." [Sprays breath spray then approaches her.] "So Nazz, how long have you been a member of Kevin's inner circle? Aah!" Edd: [disguised as Nazz] "Quiet Eddy! I'm in disguise. I have reason to believe the refreshments are laced with a powerful truth serum. A quick analysis should verify this." [He pours the cup into a machine hidden in his pants.] Eddy: [after Kevin walks past] "I'll follow Bigchin." ''[The results pour out of Edd's pants, and Edd examines them. Meanwhile, Ed runs past with the jetpack.]''

''[The Claw starts up the jetpack. It warms up and coughs out a big glob of foam right down the back of the secret agent's pants. Ed then has to strain to move forward.]''

''[The party continues. Eddy comes up behind Edd, who is still disguised as Nazz, with a piece of cake.]'' Eddy: "Hey Double D, I snagged this from Kev when he wasn't looking. Better analyze it." ''[Eddy stuffs the cake down the seat of Edd's pants and is greeted with a girlish scream. It seems that the person he thought was Edd was really Nazz after all.]'' Eddy: [nervous] "Heh heh. Hi-hiya Nazz." [Nazz punches him in the face.] Jimmy: "Oh Nazz! Your turn to hit the piñata." [Eddy is hiding behind the gift table.] Kevin: "Go Nazz, go!" Nazz: "Okay, guys." [While the kids are absorbed in the party game, Edd and Eddy are absorbed in what the packages might contain.] Eddy: "Now's our chance to check out these packages. Kevin thinks he's so smart." Kevin: "Go Rolf, go!" [The stick hits him.] "Good one, Rolf. Lemme try." Rolf: "Party is fun, no?"

[Edd is using x-ray glasses to check out the packages.] Edd: "This one appears to be another teddy bear, Eddy." Eddy: "It's those x-ray glasses, they're busted." Edd: "Eddy, think about it! Packages with ribbons, piñatas and funny hats? I think we've made a terrible mistake." Jimmy: "Holy mackerel! Here goes! Do your stuff!" Sarah: "Go Jimmy!" ''[The bat narrowly misses her. The pinata begins to crack.]'' Jimmy: "My candy, my candy!" [He lifts the blindfold.] "Hot diggity dog!" [Out of the pinata fall a few pieces of candy and Ed.] Ed: [holding up handfuls of candy] "Look what I found!" Sarah: "Ed!" Ed: [getting in fighting position] "Do not taunt The Claw." Sarah: [leaping on her brother] "Ed! You idiot, who said you could come?!" Ed: "Presents!" [He rushes to the table and begins opening the gifts with his friends.] "What'd you get what'd you get?" Sarah: "What are you doing?" Eddy: [opening a box] "I think the question is, what are you doing with–" [he searches and finds what he wants] "–this?" [The apparatus is a sewing machine.] Jimmy: "I'm so misunderstood. I wanted a pony!" [He rushes from the room in tears.] Kevin: "There goes the birthday boy. You dorks wrecked another party!" [The kids stand in a line before the Eds, prepared to wreak vengeance upon the hopeless dolts.] Eddy: "Good one, Double D." Edd: "Um…it's just a misunderstanding!" Eddy: [grabbing the jawbreaker] "Good luck catching us, as we'll be invisible to the naked eye with this baking-powder vapor barrier! A shroud, one might say." Rolf: "You said a mouthful." Kevin: "It's poundin' time." Eddy: "You'll never take us alive!" [He throws the vapor barrier to the floor, where it explodes.]

''[The Eds are in a field of pure, stark white. It is like a snowstorm swept through the room.]'' Edd: "Now do you see the importance of extensive testing?" Ed: "Uh, where'd everybody go?" Eddy: "Huh?" ''[They look around the room. It seems as though the kids have all disappeared.]'' Edd: "Messy messy messy." Eddy: "Big deal. Let's run away before they get back!" Kevin: "Where were we?" ''[All around the room, kids step away from the walls. They are all completely covered in white, and irate]'' Eddy: [chuckling nervously] "Hi Kev." [The kids begin to advance on the Eds.] Ed: "Oh cool! This reminds me of the movie 'Zombies from the Deep Freeze: A Cash Cow.' This is the part where we'll be torn to pieces, stuffed into ice-cube trays and frozen and used to cool their drinks." Edd: "Non-alcoholic, I hope." [Jonny chuckles evilly as the kids advance to within touching range of the Eds.]