Homer's Odyssey


 * Mrs. Krabappel: [blows whistle] Now class, remember, I don't want this field trip to be a repeat of our infamous visit to the Springfield State Prison. So I want all to be on your best behavior, especially you Bart Simpson.
 * Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, I didn't unlock that door.


 * Sherri: We're gonna make you sing, Bart Simpson.
 * Terri: Yeah, Bart Simpson, we're gonna make you sing.


 * [at Moe's Tavern]
 * Homer: I'm just a technical supervisor who cared too much.
 * [phone rings]
 * Moe: Moe's Tavern.
 * Bart: [on phone] Is Mr. Freely there?
 * Moe: Who?
 * Bart: Freely, first initials I.P.
 * Moe: Hold on, I'll check. Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey everybody, I.P. Freely!
 * [barflies laugh]
 * Moe: Wait a minute. [talks into the phone again] Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm going to slice your heart in half!
 * [Bart and Lisa laugh]
 * Homer: You'll get that punk someday, Moe.
 * Moe: Oh I don't know, he's tough to catch. He keeps changing his name.


 * Moe: I don't think you're ever going to get another job and be able to pay me back.


 * Bart: All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale.
 * Lisa: I don't know what else to do.
 * [Maggie pokes him in the eye]
 * Bart: There's only one thing we can do. Take advantage of the guy. [Holds up a report card] I need you to sign this, Homer. [Bart picks up Homer's hand and writes his signature on the card.]


 * Homer: Damn it! I'm no supervising technician. I'm a technical supervisor. It's too late to teach this old dog new tricks.


 * Smilin' Joe Fission: I'll just put it where nobody'll find it for a million years.


 * Marge: There, there, Homer. You've caused plenty of industrial accidents and you've always bounced back.


 * Homer: You can't depend on me all your lives. You have to learn that there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us.


 * Homer: Unlike most of you, I am not a nut.


 * Homer: Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I've worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again.


 * Announcer #1: Loaftime, the cable network for the unemployed, will be right back with more tips on how to win the lottery right after this.
 * Announcer #2: Unemployed? Out of work? Sober? You sat around the house all day, but now it's Duff time. Duff, the beer that makes the days fly by.
 * Duff TV Jingle: You can't get enough of the wonderful Duff. Duff Beer!
 * Homer: Beer! Now there's a temporary solution.


 * Sherri: Hey, Bart. Our dad says your dad is incompetent.
 * Bart: What does "incompetent" mean?
 * Terri: It means he spends more time yakking and scarfing down donuts than doing his job.
 * Bart: Oh, okay. I thought you were putting him down.


 * Chief Wiggum: Well, it's no secret. Our city is under siege by a graffiti vandal known as, "El Barto". Police artist have a composite sketch to go over and if anyone has any information, please contact us immediately.
 * [A sketch of an older, stubbly, mean-looking version of Bart is passed around]
 * Bart: Cool, man.


 * Mr. Burns: Simpson, you seem to have gathered a crowd concerned about our safety record. I have considered offering you a new job. Not a supervising technician, technical supervisor or whatever that old job of your was. This is as safety inspector, with a considerable increase in salary. I will give you 30 seconds to confer with yourself about whether or not you will accept the job offer.
 * Mr. Burns turns over a small hourglass; camera pans to Homer's head
 * Homer's Brain: What can I do? There needs to be safety after all I have, and I can't have Marge keep supporting the family on that carhop job. On the other hand..
 * Mr. Burns: Simpson! Time's up.
 * Homer: OK, I will take the job.
 * Mr. Burns: Excellent! You can start right away. Your first assignment is go out on the balcony and tell those people that this is a safe plant.