Puss in Boots


 * [first lines]
 * Puss in Boots: [voice over] Through the years I have been known by many names. Diablo Gato, The Furry Lover, Chupa Cabra, Frisky Two Times and then The Gingerhead man. But to most I am Puss in Boots, outlaw! [we see female cat lying on a pillow when we see Puss grabbing his hat] [we see female cat lying on a pillow when we see Puss grabbing his hat] I will never forget you, Margarita. [the cat wakes and scowls and hearing the name] I mean, Rosa. Uh...sorry. I think maybe I should go. What can I say? I was a bad kitty. Just a fugitive from the law, forever running. Searching for a way to clear my name. And I would get that chance on this one fateful night. [Puss walks into a bar and has he walks up to the bar the bar patrons make fun of him]
 * Bar Patron: Raoul, look what the cat dragged in. Oh, wait! That is the cat! [the bar patrons all laugh, Puss gets to bar and climbs onto the bar stool]
 * Puss in Boots: Bottle of leche, please. [he gives the skull ring he'd stolen earlier to the bartender as payment]
 * Bartender: What are you doing here, Senor? Did you lose your ball of yarn? [the bartender and the patrons laugh, Puss does a fake laugh]
 * Puss in Boots: So funny.
 * Bartender: One leche coming up. [one of the patrons pull Puss's stool out from under him and the others laugh, suddenly Puss throws his sword at his bounty sign]
 * Puss in Boots: I am not looking for trouble. I am but a humble gato in search of his next meal. Perhaps you gentlemen can let me find a simple score.
 * Moustache Man: The only thing you'll find tonight is trouble, Puss in Boots. [he holds up Puss's bounty poster] Well perhaps if one of us were to tell the law that you're in town, we could split the reward. [a man come up behind Puss him with a knife but Puss has him at sword-point, managing to cut part of two other patrons' beards off ]
 * Puss in Boots: You made the cat angry. You do not want to make the cat angry! [as Puss is still holding one of the men in the bar at sword-point]
 * Bartender: The church if St. Michael has just put up a golden statue of the Virgin of Guadalupe.
 * Puss in Boots: I do not steal from churches.
 * Bar Patron: Well, the boys orphanage has been donated silver candlesticks, they would look very lovely in your home.
 * Puss in Boots: I do not steal from orphans.
 * Bar Thief: Uh...what about Jack and Jill?
 * Luis: Shh! Are you crazy?
 * Puss in Boots: The what?
 * Moustache Man: The murderous outlaws, Jack and Jill, have gotten their hands on magic beans.
 * Puss in Boots: Do not joke with me about magic beans! I searched half my life for them. They do not exist.
 * Luis: No, cat. We have seen them. [Moustache Man shows Puss the magic means tattooed on his arm]
 * Moustache Man: These are the beans of legends.
 * Puss in Boots: Oh!
 * Luis: Grows the vine to the land of giants. [Moustache Man opens his shirt to reveal castle in the sky tattooed on his chest] And the golden goose.
 * Puss in Boots: The golden goose!
 * Moustache Man: One of her eggs could set you up for life.
 * Luis: All nine of them. Show him the golden eggs. [Moustache Man gets up and unzips his trousers]
 * Puss in Boots: No! Please uh...you have uh...shown enough.
 * Luis: Only a cat with a death wish would steal the beans from Jack and Jill.
 * Puss in Boots: The only wish I have is to repay an old debt and this is my chance. Now... [he draws his sword] Where to I find this Jack and Jill?
 * Jack: You know, Jill, I've been thinking.
 * Jill: Uuhh! Get it out.
 * Jack: I um...once we're done with this magic bean business and got ourselves all them beautiful golden eggs.
 * Jill: Mmhmm. Go on.
 * Jack: Why don't we cut down on some of the hijackin' and murderin'. I mean it's fun and all, but uh...I wanna a baby.
 * Jill: A baby what, Jack?
 * Jack: A baby us, Jill. We'll raise it wild, like a squirrel or somethin'.
 * Puss in Boots: [to the masked cat who has cost Puss getting his hands on the magic beans] Those magic beans were my score. You just caused me a chance of getting the golden eggs, mi amigo. Put up your paws up. [to the masked cat after they end up in a "dance to the death" fight] Fear me, if you dare! [when Puss hits the masked cat, the cat takes off its mask to revealing a female cat]
 * Kitty Softpaws: You hit me in the head with a guitar!
 * Puss in Boots: You uh...uh...you are a woman? Woh!
 * Kitty Softpaws: Amateur! [Kitty walks off into a dark alley and Puss follows Kitty]
 * Puss in Boots: Wow! Senorita, wait! Let me buy you some leche! I am a lover not a...fighter. [as Puss is looking for Kitty in the dark alley] Hello? You are hiding from me? I like to play the games too. I sense in you a kindred spirit. A... [he takes sniff of the air] I smell something familiar, something dangerous, something breakfasty. [Puss hears a voice from behind him]
 * Humpty Dumpty: It's been a long time, brother. [suddenly Humpty Dumpty rolls in from behind and Puss turns and draws his sword on him]
 * Puss in Boots: Humpty Alexander Dumpty. How dare you show your face to me!
 * Humpty Dumpty: I know you're angry, you have every right. But it is good to see you, Puss. [as he walks closer Puss pushes his sword in Humpty's face] Are those new boots?
 * Puss in Boots: No! They are the same boots I wore when you betrayed me.
 * Humpty Dumpty: Be...betrayed you? You left me cracked in pieces on a bridge, surrounded by soldiers! They wrote a song about it!
 * Puss in Boots: And how did we get on that bridge in the first place?!
 * Humpty Dumpty: Because we were brothers and brothers are supposed to look after each other. Not... [suddenly Kitty appears]
 * Kitty Softpaws: Humpty. Remember why we're here.
 * Puss in Boots: I should have known. I had the magic beans in my grasp and you sent this very...attractive devil woman to interfere. You are a curse on my life!
 * Humpty Dumpty: Woh! Woh! Wait! Here me out, okay? Yes, yes! I sent Kitty to bring you here. But she is no ordinary thief. [Kitty takes off her glove from her paw to reveal that she has no claws]
 * Kitty Softpaws: That's a lot of heel for a guy, don't you think?
 * Humpty Dumpty: Look, with Kitty's skill, your sword and my brain we've got a fighting chance here. Puss, come on. You of all people know that nobody is ever ripped off the giant's castle and lived to tell the tale. You want to survive, you need a plan. And I've studied this job my whole life, you know that. Alright, let's...let's...let's be honest, without me you don't even know where to plant the beans, Puss. But Jack and Jill do, they're on their way. We go up the beanstalk outlaws and we come down legends. So what do you say? Partner? [he holds out his hand]
 * Puss in Boots: No, never again. [Puss walks off]
 * Humpty Dumpty: I'm sorry, okay? How long are you going to hold a grudge? It's been seven years! That's like thirty five cat years! You need me! And I...I need you, Puss. [to Puss as he's walking through the cat tavern] You got any idea what they do to eggs in San Ricardo prison? [Puss stops walking and the music playing in the tavern stops also] I'll tell you this, my friend. It ain't over-easy! [a cat appears behind Humpty]
 * Ohhh Cat: Ohhh!
 * Puss in Boots: Adieus, Humpty Dumpty.
 * Kitty Softpaws: Just think of all the trouble we can get into. The two of us together, we can steal a lot of golden eggs. Hmm? [Puss suddenly sees she's wearing his hat and quickly grabs his hat back] And you owe me.
 * Puss in Boots: I owe you?
 * Kitty Softpaws: Mmhmm. You hit me in the head with a guitar.
 * Puss in Boots: I regret the guitar.
 * Kitty Softpaws: Okay, I forgive you. So, you're in?
 * Puss in Boots: Well there is one teeny tiny iddy biddy problem.
 * Kitty Softpaws: And what is that?
 * Puss in Boots: You work for the egg!
 * Kitty Softpaws: Oh, come on, Puss! What happened between you and Humpty that was so bad?
 * Puss in Boots: I am afraid with me and Humpty the scars are too deep. It all started a long time ago.
 * Kitty Softpaws: Oh, no! No! No! No! You really don't have to tell me your whole life story, please!
 * Puss in Boots: You may want to sit.n [he forces Kitty to sit and turns to tell his story] It is at times quite...painful.
 * Kitty Softpaws: Okay, here we go. [we see flashback story of when Puss was a baby]
 * Puss in Boots: [voice over] It was the year in which the rain had not fallen. The wind was big and the basket was small. For days I bounced along. A hungry little kitten with no milk, no mama and no litter box. Until I came to rest at a home for lost children. [we see him get picked up by a woman running the orphanage] Her name was Imelda and like a mother she took me into her heart and raised me as her own. She was an angel of kindness...most of the time. [we see Humpty at the same orphanage steal Puss's beans from his plate] And uh...that was the moment I met... [Humpty introduces himself to a baby Puss]
 * Humpty Dumpty: Humpty Alexander Dumpty. [in his flashback story of how he met Humpty]
 * Puss in Boots: [voice over] Even though he took my beans, the egg stood up for me and I decided that I would always have his back. It was something about this strange little egg that uh...intrigued me. [flashback of baby Puss following Humpty to his secret place where he sees Humpty planting and growing beans]
 * Humpty Dumpty: I've been collecting for months now, you never know when you're gonna get lucky. Know what I mean? [Puss just stares at him blankly] Magic beans. It's what they are. [Puss continues to stare at him blankly] Hello? You going to tell all the other kids that I believe in magic now? Is that what you're gonna do? [Puss shakes his head] No? What's your name? [Puss does a baby meow] Well you don't say much, do you? Well I think I'll call you Sparky. [Puss shakes his head] Whiskers? [Puss shakes his head] Zoltar! [Puss pauses for a moment before shaking his head] How about Puss? [Puss smiles and nods his head]
 * Puss in Boots: [voice over] Humpty's mind was full of imagination and invention. He spoke of legends and adventures beyond my wildest dreams. [we see Humpty and baby Puss lying on the grass looking up at the sky]
 * Humpty Dumpty: Oh, when I find those magic beans, they'll grow a vine straight up into the clouds where a terrible and a fearsome giant hoards his greatest treasure, the golden goose. Oh, the golden goose. Just one...just one of her golden eggs could set me for life. It's my destiny, Puss. I can't really explain it, but I just feel like I belong up there. [he sighs and Puss sighs along with him, Humpty turns to Puss] Well, this is awkward. This is kind of uh...a solo dream here. I don't really need a dead weight, you know? Hold me down. [Puss turns to face Humpty making big cute eyes at him] What are you doin'? Oh man, that's good. The...the...the eye thing that you're doin', that is really splendid.Okay, let me just think for a second, alright? Okay, uh...this is crazy but I am considering a partnership. I just need to know one thing. Can you commit?
 * Puss in Boots: Si, I can commit.
 * Humpty Dumpty: Oh, you can talk! Could you help me up? [flashback shows Humpty and Puss forming their secret magic bean club] First rule of bean club, you do not talk about bean club. Second rule of bean club, you don't talk about bean club. [Humpty takes a needle from a box] Ready?
 * Puss in Boots: Ready. [Humpty pricks his finger with the needle]
 * Humpty Dumpty: From this day forth, it shall be known. [Puss takes the needs from Humpty and pricks his finger]
 * Puss in Boots: Never alone, always together.
 * Humpty Dumpty: Humpty and Puss... [they shake the hands they've just pricked with the needle]
 * Humpty and Puss: Brothers forever.
 * Puss in Boots: [voice over] And from that moment on we were united on a great adventure to find the magic beans.Humpty was the brains and I was the skill.
 * Humpty Dumpty: Well, we got red beans, we got green beans, coffee beans, lima beans but no magic beans.
 * Puss in Boots: Would you care for a jelly bean?
 * Humpty Dumpty: Oh, thank you. [referring to the magic means]
 * Puss in Boots: [voice over] Finding them meant everything to us. But we never did find them. And as the years passed, the quest for magic beans seemed more and more like a dreams of a child. As teenagers, Humpty and I looked for trouble and often found it. [flashback of Puss becoming the hero of the town after saving the Comandate's mother from being hit by the horns of a bull]
 * Imelda: These are for you, my boy. Wear them as a symbol of honor and justice.
 * Puss in Boots: I will make you proud, mama.
 * Imelda: You already have. My Puss in Boots. [Imelda places his now famous hat on Puss' head]
 * Puss in Boots: [voice over] How strange it was to be a cat in boots, but woh, I look good! And as the light of my path grew brighter, Humpty's road grew ever darker. [flashback of when Puss bails Humpty out of jail]
 * Humpty Dumpty: I know. I know. I never should have tried something without you.
 * Puss in Boots: You're not stealing lollipops anymore, Humpty. This is getting serious.
 * Humpty Dumpty: You're right. We have to be smarter about this. Here, look. We need to think bigger. I've been casing the silver smith and it's perfect. [he holds up his plan for stealing] You and me, in and out, fifty seconds tops!
 * Puss in Boots: Will you put that away! This is our home, these people have done nothing to us.
 * Humpty Dumpty: Our home? Okay, yeah. I get it now. You get some fancy boots and now you're too good for me?
 * Puss in Boots: That is not true.
 * Humpty Dumpty: We weren't born here. We're orphans and all we got is each other. You understand?
 * Puss in Boots: We are better than this.
 * Humpty Dumpty: But we're partners.
 * Puss in Boots: We are brothers. But I am not stealing anymore. [voice over] But Humpty would not give up so easily. [flashback of when Humpty deceives Puss into helping him rob San Ricardo Bank] How could you do this to me?
 * Humpty Dumpty: I did you a favor! We can finally get out of here.
 * Puss in Boots: This is the money of the people. This is all they have! [suddenly the Comandate grabs Puss and Puss instinctively scratches him in the face]
 * Comandate: You disgrace those boots.
 * Puss in Boots: Comandate, please! I can explain.
 * Comandate: [to his guards] Arrest them! [Humpty and Pussy make a getaway in the wagon with the guards chasing them]
 * Humpty Dumpty: Hurry up! Get to a bridge!
 * Puss in Boots: You tricked me!
 * Humpty Dumpty: I had too! You left me no choice! [as the guards are chasing them their wagon tips over the bridge with all the gold thrown into the water and Humpty has fallen to the ground] Puss, save me!
 * Puss in Boots: Save yourself. [the guards grab Humpty and as they come to grab Puss he throws himself over the bridge] [voice over] I lost everything I cared about that day. My brother, my honor, my home. All I thought about was the disappointment in my mama's eyes. And I have been running ever since. [back to the present as he's finishing telling his story to Kitty] The egg betrayed me. His lies cost me everything. [Kitty is asleep snoring loudly] Hey!
 * Humpty Dumpty: Listen, a day...a day doesn't go by when I don't think about what I lost. I lost my best friend, my only friend. And I get it now, I got greedy and desperate and I let you down, I let myself down. All I'm asking for, Puss, is a second chance. Give me that second chance and I'll help repay you back San Ricardo. Please, Puss. Let me show you what our friendship mean to me.
 * Puss in Boots: I will do it.
 * Humpty Dumpty: Oh, that's great.
 * Puss in Boots: I will do this for my mother and for San Ricardo, not for you. We are not partners and we're not friends.
 * Humpty Dumpty: Okay and I...I promise this time I will not let you down. Yes! I think we got our bean club back!
 * Puss in Boots: This plan better work.
 * Kitty Softpaws: Listen, you just need to worry about your part. Don't screw it up. What?
 * Puss in Boots: Again with the mask?
 * Kitty Softpaws: I don't need style advice from Mr. Dusty Boots.