Twenty Years to Midnight

The Venture Bros.: Season: 2 Episode: 5

[incomplete]


 * Hey, Doc.
 * Found something you might be interested in.
 * All right, what's so important that - That's my shirt.
 * - Is it? Found it in that box.
 * - Take it off.
 * You're stretching it out! - What do you care? It's been in a box for 20 years.
 * Are you throwing this stuff out? 'Cause who can't use another sweater vest? - Cool guys? - It's way too tight.
 * You look ridiculous.
 * - Yeah, you look great.
 * - Insults.
 * That's why you called me away from my spring cleaning? No.
 * Check this out.
 * Well, it's old, but we could probably get a few bucks for it.
 * - Good find.
 * - Not the camera, what I found inside it.
 * Hello, Rusty - It's grandpa! He's alive! - And trapped in the phantom zone.
 * I was just kidding.
 * Jezz, I'm not a 'tard.
 * - You were always such a little video buff - Once! I told him once I wanted to make videos.
 * Next thing you know every holiday it's cameras, "How-to" books See, pop, I've been meaning to tell you, I'm not really that into neckerchiefs.
 * - You wear them well.
 * - Wait.
 * What did he say? Go back.
 * What I have to tell you is a matter of the gravest importance, Rusty.
 * It has to do with those mysterious, deep space radio signals.
 * You know, the ones I received back when you were just a boy.
 * But what does it mean? You can't walk on the red ones 'cause they're lava.
 * Rusty, please! Well, after ten long years, I finally translated the broadcasts.
 * I found something extraordinary! A message from far across time and space, addressed to me personally.
 * It has to do with my latest invention, the greatest of my career or anyone's which I completed only a week ago! Turn it up.
 * I smell money.
 * They warned me that mankind was still too immature to be trusted with it.
 * They told me to dismantle it before it got into the wrong hands.
 * But they also told me that the fate of the planet hinged upon my machine being activated once.
 * That's why I've scattered the main components in secret locations across the globe, so no one Someone's coming! They know! False alarm.
 * OK.
 * Get a pen.
 * Once assembled, the device must be activated at precisely midnight in New York City, on May 4 of your 44th year.
 * - Doc, that's, like, tomorrow.
 * - Should I fail to live to see that day it will be up to you, Rusty.
 * Good luck, Godspeed and go, Team Venture! First base is on Spider Skull Island.
 * Damn it, my brother! - Big man.
 * - Yes, Dean, you're a big man now.
 * Brock and I Ladysmith Black Mambazo! Step back! I have traveled from an incredibly distant star to observe the ways of your planet.
 * - I can feel it in my chewies.
 * - You have the honor of representing your entire race as my sample subjects.
 * There's a 12-foot man in our pool pointing a beam at my head.
 * - Do something? - Whispering is futile! The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all, sees all! Look, we don't have time for this, OK? We're on a very tight Do not speak to me! Do not alter your normal human behavior in any way! You know not the elaborate criteria by which you are to be judged.
 * Ignore my presence and go about your earthly business! Here are some hand turkeys from Thanksgiving, 1968 and a bunch of your old homeworks.
 * Neat! You wrote a fan letter to the Herculoids when you were ten?! Hey, horses! It's not a fan letter.
 * He calls them hippies for not fighting in Vietnam.
 * Ignore me! Swing around back and have the X-2 running.
 * I'll only be a minute.
 * They'll never even know we were here.
 * ¿Qué es eso? Ahoy! Who goes there? Jeez, it's you people.
 * - It's that ghost pirate again! - Who isn't a ghost.
 * - Or a pirate even really.
 * - What are you doing here? Yeah, well, you never seem to use the boat so I kinda started sleeping here, only a couple of nights a week at first.
 * You try finding a job with nothing on your resume but fake ghost pirate.
 * - Get to the point.
 * - Yeah, yeah, jeez.
 * Anyhoo, I wakes up one day and there's this little fella standing there and he tells me it's his boat now, 'cause your pa 'et him up when he was wee.
 * He hired me on as his ship's captain so really it's kinda more my boat than yours at this point.
 * Met her last week in Ibiza.
 * At Fiesta Scientifico.
 * - It's not serious.
 * - That was last week? Damn Post Office must've lost my invitation.
 * I'm sure.
 * Here we are.
 * So, let's have a look at this famous tape of yours.
 * It will be up to you, Rusty.
 * Good luck, Godspeed, and go, Team Venture! That part always chokes me up.
 * Well I did have a pitch at the Pentagon tomorrow, but I guess I can move it.
 * This seems pretty important.
 * Who invited you?! Just lend us the damn boat for a few hours! You can't do this alone, Rust.
 * Three more pieces scattered around the globe? - In 16 hours? - What are you thinking? Two teams? - Brock! - Three.
 * You take the X-1.
 * The Captain and I'll take the X-2.
 * The boys can pick up the fourth piece in the X-X-1.
 * - We'll rendezvous in New York.
 * - Hello! Who's running this show?! Everyone ready? Go, Team Venture! So much cooler than ours.
 * We got to get uncle JJ to make one of these for pop.
 * Space Invaders! He's got Space Invaders in the lounge! And he's got a lounge! Jesus Jones! Now there was a band Yippers, back in the summer of '91.
 * We all thought they was going to be the future of rock and roll.
 * - They sound great.
 * - Were great.
 * - They're not around anymore? - No, sir, not so's anyone'd notice it.
 * I'll throw up.
 * Quest Bell One.
 * This is Jonas Venture Jr.
 * Request permission to board.
 * Come on, Rusty.
 * Keep it up.
 * I can help, pop.
 * No, Jonas! No! I was doing fine! Let go! - I don't want your help! - Wake up, Doc.
 * Wake up! We're almost there.
 * I thought I was done with those crappy dreams.
 * That was a weird one.
 * - Great.
 * You can read my mind.
 * - Ignore me! Yes, I can.
 * Hello! Colonel Gentleman? - Where are you? - Are you home? - Maybe he's not here.
 * - Pop said he'd radio him we were coming.
 * Pop forgets my name half the time.
 * Come on.
 * Let's look around.
 * Maybe he left, like, a note or something.
 * Found him! Colonel Gentleman? Hi.
 * It's Hank and Dean Venture.
 * We're here for - Are you cops? - Cops? Us? Are you cops? Let me handle this, Chairman.
 * No, sir.
 * We ain't five-0.
 * - You holding? - No, we ain't captain.
 * Holding? We're just looking for an old gizmo about yay big.
 * Few years back this fella's old man left it with your old man.
 * - My old man? - Yes.
 * Your father was Don't you talk about my father! Don't touch him! You can't get cooties from a dead body, Dean.
 * That's a total myth.
 * Not cooties, Hank.
 * Clueties.
 * We need to preserve the crime scene because I smell a mystery.
 * Well, I smell dead guy.
 * We don't have time for mystery, Sherlock Homo.
 * If we don't find that piece of grandpa's thing, then then Wait.
 * What happens if we don't find that piece of grandpa's thing? I don't know.
 * All right, all right.
 * Just put the gun down, will ya? You wouldn't want to hurt the doctor, would ya? You're a doctor? Well, I I'm not a medical doctor.
 * I just have a PhD.
 * That's right.
 * He's a doctor.
 * And he can write you a prescription for anything you might need.
 * Right.
 * What seems to be the trouble, Mr. Quest? I'm in real pain.
 * Check this out.
 * "Dear diary, another dreary party at the Frost's flat "but, oh, the bitches were in rare form tonight." Skip ahead.
 * Maybe later he talks about grandpa's thing.
 * Wait.
 * There's some kind of a list.
 * Could be a clue.
 * "Toys Colonel Gentleman wishes he had when he was a lad.
 * " But they weren't invented yet.
 * Micronauts, Scooby-Doo Monster Game Which Witch, AT-AT Imperial Walker.
 * Stay Alive, The Survival Game.
 * What is that, code? "Colonel Gentleman's good names for an imaginary friend.
 * " "Colonel Gentleman's Hollywood actresses who need a smack in the mouth.
 * " They go on and on.
 * This is a crazy person's diary.
 * You found it! Good eye, Hank.
 * Venture 2 to Venture 1! We're coming in for a landing! Do you copy? Roger, Venture 2.
 * You're clear for landing.
 * Next stop, New York.
 * Stop your sourpussing.
 * We got what you needed.
 * One Impossible Plaza.
 * Worldwide headquarters of Impossible Industries and allegedly the most technologically advanced skyscraper in the nation.
 * Yeah, so? But what stood in this very spot It was Venture Industries World Headquarters, thank you.
 * Somewhere in that foundation is the last piece of my father's little puzzle.
 * And Professor Impossible's just going to let you dig up his basement.
 * How about you stick to the heavy lifting and leave the heavy thinking to the super scientist? Doc's got something even my brother doesn't have.
 * Someone on the inside.
 * Going somewhere, Sally? I just have to pick a few things up at the store, Richard.
 * Stop that nonsense.
 * I'll send a man out.
 * - Just type up a little list and - No, I want to go.
 * - I need some fresh air.
 * - Well, all right.
 * I'll allow it this one time.
 * - Will you be taking the child? - Ned's going to watch him.
 * - I'm not really comfortable with that.
 * - Why not? He's retarded, Sally.
 * You've seen Of Mice and Men.
 * You know what can happen.
 * Please! Can't you just leave the child with Huggy? Stop calling him the child, Richard! His name is Rocket! And I'm not leaving him with your crappy robot! Sally, why, that's almost churlish.
 * And you're visible.
 * What's this really about? You can't replace family with a robot, Richard.
 * We need real human affection.
 * That's why Huggy's programmed to simulate it, sweetness.
 * Please, Richard.
 * Let me go.
 * Yes, yes.
 * Perhaps the fresh air will calm the female Don't strain yourself, Richard.
 * Good-bye.
 * Real human affection.
 * Perhaps a pill or a burst of Gamma radiation or Wait a minute.
 * Sally, wait! Would you like some company? Hello again Sally.
 * Dr. Venture! When you called me, I couldn't believe it.
 * You never answered any of my letters.
 * I worried you'd forgotten me and moved on but I never gave up hope.
 * The only thing that made my life bearable, was the hope that someday you'd come for me and Rocket.
 * - Where is your boy Ruck Rocky, was it? - Rocket.
 * I had his uncle Ned take him to the park just where you said.
 * You're sure he didn't say anything to your husband? No, no.
 * I promised him a great big ice cream cone if he could keep a secret.
 * - Ice cream! - No, dude.
 * Wait.
 * We're supposed to stay on the Give it! Give me the ice cream! Nap time.
 * Someone want to help me with the human callous here? Anyone? A little help? Sally, there is something I need you to do for me before we go off and live happily ever after.
 * Dr. Venture, anything.
 * Just do one thing for me.
 * Pinch me, because I must be dreaming.
 * I can't believe you're really here! It's OK, lady.
 * I see him, too! This is just wrong, man, even for you.
 * - Look at her.
 * - I have watched you pull a man's eyes and make him dance like a marionette with his own optic nerves.
 * - At least I didn't break his heart.
 * - You don't know that.
 * - Access granted.
 * - We're in, lover.
 * Welcome.
 * This is Impossible.
 * Funny face, this doesn't look like the basement.
 * That's because it's not! Hello.
 * Pick up everything you needed at the store, honey? What are you doing here? You were supposed to be our rescue team.
 * What do you want from me? You had super kill guy and you still got caught.
 * You see, Dr. Venture, I found the piece your father hid in the foundation years ago.
 * Then I thought about you in physics class.
 * You were a daydreamer, a sass mouth, and not infrequently, a bit of a giggle puss.
 * Somehow I doubt 20 years of amphetamines and failure have done anything to improve that.
 * And you see, this invention is simply too important to trust to someone like yourself.
 * Richard? Where's Rocket? - Whom? - Rocket! Your son.
 * - I can't believe you! - H.E.L.P.ER.
 * Come in. H.E.L.P.ER.
 * Now he's bossing my robot around! You see this? - You have a radio in your collar? - Of course! What kind of an idiot would strap his only means of emergency communication to his wrist? - They always tie you up.
 * - Well, fancy schmancy!
 * H.E.L.P.ER, we need you to access the Impossible security system and get us free.
 * Hello! Anyone? OK, the Grand Galactic Inquisitor is coming out! But you are to continue to ignore me! OK? All right! I'm taking that as a yes! Hello? Someone left a baby! Ignore me! Halt! Identify yourself.
 * How do you even know he's mine?! The way you alley cat around with every washed-up scientist who blows through town.
 * Three. Two. One.
 * Engage.
 * He's out there somewhere! You have to do something! - Stop working on that and do something! - Sally, please! This is important.
 * What could be more important than your family, Richard?! Science? Of all the intolerable bug-a-boos! Gentlemen, this is a family discussion.
 * You have no idea who you're dealing with, do you?! I am Professor Richard Impossible! I can do this No, no, no! Holy crap! Man overboard! Go! Go! Go! Wait.
 * Limited seating.
 * Good news, sample subjects of earth! The glorious moment of judgment is upon you! - Hey, it's 8.
 * 20 on the meter, Stretch! - Ignore me! - Who the hell is that? - Long story.
 * Just ignore him.
 * Papa? Wait a minute.
 * Where are you going? - Where you can't follow, Rusty.
 * - Don't go.
 * There's so much I want to ask you, so many unanswered questions.
 * Like, what's that big yellow thing in pop's lab do? And if you drop a penny from the Empire State Building does it go through your body or Quiet.
 * I'm trying to have a family moment here.
 * Where have you been for the past 20 years?! Why haven't you contacted me? How can you just leave me all alone? Rusty.
 * You were never alone.
 * Those stars Well, OK, you can't see them right now because we're in the city but those stars, they're always watching us.
 * - Wait! Stay with us! - Yes, please, stay.
 * I'm your other son.
 * We've never met.
 * All right.
 * Look, I'm not really your father, OK? I'm an alien sent here at this appointed time to kill that guy because he would have destroyed all life as you know it.
 * - What?! - I took the form of your dad because I figured it would be easier to accept.
 * I didn't want to stress you out.
 * End of the world, life on other planets Why you son of a bitch! Do you know what you just put me through?! What the were you thinking? What kind of up planet are you from where you think showing up as my dead father is supposed to make me feel any better?! - OK, take it easy.
 * - You prick! Look, I just saved your entire planet.
 * - Prick! - All right.
 * Fine.
 * You wanna see? Here! There! That would've been better? If I'd shown up like that out of nowhere?! Look at you! You practically crapped your pants.
 * Except him.
 * He crapped his pants! We know what we're doing up there, OK? So don't second guess me.
 * Just get in your little plane, go back to your little lives and thank your lucky stars someone in this universe is looking out for you! Ungrateful little half-monkeys! - Bye.
 * - Whatever.
 * Great.
 * So we haul ass all over the world, almost got ourselves killed and now, nothing to show for it.
 * - Not even gas money.
 * - We did kinda, like, save the world.
 * - I guess.
 * - And that big guy finally shut up.
 * And we worked together, like a family.
 * Go, Team Venture!
 * Post-credit
 * Life among the stars. Pretty amazing stuff, eh, Captain?
 * Yippers, boss.
 * I'm sorry. Rocket, no. He likes you. Oh, I'm sorry.
 * Sally Impossible!
 * - Have we met before?
 * - Not that you know of. I'm Jonas. Jonas Venture Jr. You can call me JJ If you like.
 * I like.
 * You can almost hear the old humpbacks a'callin'. Yep.
 * We better get moving, Brock. You know how clingy old skull face over there can get.  And I likes my independence.
 * - It's pretty f'd up, man.
 * Don't tell me you were sucked in by all that "You're not alone" crap, too?
 * I've seen some weird stuff in my life, but this
 * Yeah. Should we help him?


 * Dr. Venture: (seeing the Inquisitor for the first time) Ladysmith Black Mambazo!!!


 * Dean: (while going through a box of Dr. Venture’s old things) Ah, neat! You wrote a fan letter to the Herculoids when you were ten? (Hank snatches the letter away from Dean) Hey!
 * Hank: Hey, horses! (reads letter) It’s not a fan letter, he calls them hippies for not fighting in Vietnam. (The Grand Inquisitor snatches the letter) Hey!
 * Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!


 * Brock: What’re you doing here?
 * Captain: Yeah, well -- you never seemed to use the boat, so... I kinda started sleepin’ here. Only a couple nights a week at first. You try findin’ a job with nothin’ on your resume but fake ghost pirate--
 * Brock: Get to the point!
 * Captain: Yah yah! Geez. Anyhoo... I wakes up one day and there’s this little fella standin’ there. And he tells me it’s his boat now, on account a’yer pa ‘et him up when he was wee! He hired me on as the ship’s captain! So really, it’s kinda more my boat than yours at this point.


 * Captain: Jesus Jones! (pause) Ah, now there was a band.


 * Dr. Venture: (waking up from a bizarre dream) Oh, I thought I was done with those crappy dreams.
 * Grand Galactic Inquisitor: That was a weird one.
 * Venture: Great, you can read my mind.
 * Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME! (pause) Yes, I can.


 * Hank: (upon entering Colonel Horace Gentleman’s private chambers) Are you t’home?


 * Dean: Check this out. (reading Colonel Gentelman’s journal) Dear diary, another dreary party at the Frosts’ Flat, but oh the bitches were in rare form tonight!
 * Hank: Skip ahead. Maybe later he talks about grandpa’s thing.
 * Dean: Wait, there’s some kind of a list. Could be a clue! ""(continues reading) Toys Colonel Gentleman wishes he had when he was a lad but weren’t invented yet: Micronauts, The Scooby-Doo Monster Game, Which Witch, AT-AT Imperial Walker, Stay Alive: The Survival Game...
 * Hank: What is that, code?
 * Dean: (after reading Colonel Gentleman’s journal) "Colonel Gentleman’s good names for an imaginary friend." "Colonel Gentleman’s Hollywood actresses who need a smack in the mouth" They go on and on. This is a crazy person’s diary.


 * Jonny Quest: Are you cops?


 * Dr. Venture: Sally, there’s something I need you to do for me before we go off and live happily ever after.
 * Sally Impossible: Oh Dr. Venture, anything! Just do one thing for me. Pinch me, because I must be dreaming! I can’t believe you’re really here!
 * Bum: It’s okay, lady. I see him too!


 * Brock: (sighing with disgust) This is just wrong, man, even for you. Look at her!
 * Dr. Venture: I have watched you pull a man’s eyes from his head and make him dance like a marionette with his own optic nerves!
 * Brock: At least I didn’t break his heart.
 * Dr. Venture: You don’t know that.


 * Prof. Richard Impossible: You see, Dr. Venture, I found the piece your father hid in the foundation years ago. Then I thought about you in physics class. You were a daydreamer, a sass-mouth, and, not infrequently, a bit of a gigglepuss. Somehow I doubt twenty years of amphetamines and failure have done anything to improve that.


 * Grand Galactic Inquisitor: Someone left a baby! (after a pause, he reluctantly picks up Rocket)
 * Rocket: (babbles)
 * Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!


 * Prof. Impossible: Please! This is important!
 * Sally Impossible: What could be more important than your family, Richard?
 * Prof. Impossible: (baffled by the question) Sssssss-science?


 * Prof. Impossible: (as Brock bolts his cheek to a wall) Of all the intolerable bugaboos!


 * Grand Galactic Inquisitor: (exiting a taxi) Good news, sample subjects of Earth! The glorious moment of judgment is upon you!
 * Taxi driver: Hey! It’s eight-twenty on the meter, stretch!
 * Grand Galactic Inquisitor: IGNORE ME!


 * "Jonas Venture": Oh, Rusty. You were never alone. Those stars... well, okay, you can’t see them right now because we’re in the city, but those stars, they’re always watching us.

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 * "Jonas Venture": I took the form of your dad because I figured it would be easier to accept. I didn’t want to stress you out—end of the world, life on other planets, blah blah blah.
 * Dr. Venture: Why...you SON-OF-A-BITCH! Do you know what you just put me through?! What the fuck were you thinking?! What kind of fucked-up planet are you from, where you think showing up as my dead fucking father is supposed to make me feel any better?!
 * "Jonas Venture": Okay, take it easy...
 * Dr. Venture: You prick!
 * "Jonas Venture": Look, I just saved your entire planet...
 * Dr. Venture: Prick!
 * "Jonas Venture": Alright, fine, you wanna see? Here! (Peels off his face, revealing his true self, which is shown offscreen, but horrifies everyone else) There! That would have been better? If I showed up like that out of nowhere? Look at you! You practically crapped your pants! Except him, he crapped his pants! (points to Ned)
 * Ned: Boom boom.

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 * Sea Captain: (Upon watching Jonas Venture Jr and Mrs. Impossible meeting) Hoo-ah, you can almost hear the old humpbacks a-callin’.