The Conjugal Configuration

Sheldon: Good morning, wife.

Amy: Good morning, husband. I can't believe we're actually married.

Sheldon: It's official. According to tradition we should hang the bed sheets outside so the Villagers can see that we consummated.

*Sheldon makes his way over to the curtains.*

Amy: I don't think that's appropriate considering where we're starting our Honeymoon.

Sheldon: Well, I suppose you're right...

*Sheldon opens the curtains, revealing LEGOLAND California outside.*

Sheldon: Although when you think about it, Lego is the perfect metaphor for marital congress; two pieces that interlock together with a satisfying snap.

Amy: Oh, that's the sound you were making.

Sheldon: Oh, I almost forgot. While you were sleeping I ordered room service.

Amy: Really?!

* Sheldon lifts the lid off the plate, revealing bacon, eggs, and pancakes made out of Legos.*

Sheldon: Viola! You thought it was going to be food, didn't you?

Sheldon: I'm just worried that if I don't schedule our bedroom endeavours, then I may not think about them, and you'll grow cold and distant and seek solace in the arms of a heavily-muscled long Shore man.

Amy: Where would I find a long Shore man?

Sheldon: Along the Shore. It's in the name.

Amy: Sheldon, I couldn't be with anybody but you.

Sheldon: That's good to know. I wouldn't want to have to fight a man who's brave enough to touch a fish.

Amy: How's this for a compromise; make all the schedules you want. Just don't tell me about them.

Sheldon: Excellent. I'll create an algorithm that'll generate a pseudo-random schedule. And do you know why it won't be a true random schedule?

Amy: Because the generation of true random numbers remains an unsolved problem in computer science.

Sheldon: Come with me.

Amy: Where are we going?

Sheldon: To the Hotel room. And when we get there I'm gonna need you to say that again, except naked.

Penny: You know, you compared us to the strangest couple we know, and we know Amy and Sheldon, Howard and Bernadette, Raj and his twitchy little dog.