In the Line of Duty

Mr Moesby and Miss Tutweiller walk into the corridor. They stop abrubtly, making faces due to a bad smell.

MR MOESBY

Uh! It reeks!

He pulls out his pocket hanky which is instantly replaced by a new one. Miss Tutweiller then pull that one out which is, again, replaced. They start to walk towards a door and two men in bright orange safety suits are seen.

MR MOESBY

(Pointing at the door) Oh, this is where its coming from. Ok, who is responsible for this?

A group of students is seen laughing and giving high fives to Zack. The students quickly run away, leaving Zack.

MR MOESBY

Why do I even bother to ask? What were you thinking?!

ZACK

Well, Mr Akapenny questioned my ability to create a chemical reaction so…

MISS TUTWEILLER

To prove you could you set off a stink cloud in the class?

ZACK

Exactly! I think it’s worthy of an A.

Mr Moesby and Miss Tutweiller ignore Zack and move back towards the door.

MR MOESBY (to the men in safety suits)

Alright gentlemen, I want you to be careful in there. No human could stand even a whiff of this toxic air.

Woody walks out of the classroom eating chocolate cake.

WOODY

Hey guys. What’s goin’ on?

Woody walks off. Zack, Mr Moesby and Miss Tutweiller stare at him, shocked and confused.



OPENING CREDITS



In the classroom. Zack is sitting at a desk while Miss Tutweiller and Mr Moesby walk in circles around him.

ZACK

So, how long a detention are we talkin’ here?

MR MOESBY

Permanent! Until the day you graduate, which I’m not convinced will ever happen so it is (waves finger at Zack) per-ma-nent!

MISS TUTWEILLER

No, that’s punishing me. I’m the one that has to stay after class with him.

ZACK

And you’ve done nothing wrong so no detention. Good talk guys.

Zack moves to leave but Miss Tutweiller stops him.

MISS TUTWEILLER

Not so fast. I know what we need to do.

MR MOESBY

(gasps) ooo…do you have a plan more devious more sinister?

Mr Moesby and Miss Tutweiller move away from Zack to discuss his punishment.

MISS TUTWEILLER

Yes, we are going to give him a position of authority.

Mr Moesby look unimpressed.

MR MOESBY

I’d rather just throw him in the brigg. (Miss Tutweiller looks confused) Well, no one has to know.

MISS TUTWEILLER

I meant, we are going to make Zack the hall monitor.

MR MOESBY

Oh that’s a great idea, and while we’re at it why don’t we put Woody in carge of the ships chocolate frosting supply?!

MISS TUTWEILLER

It’s a well know fact that when rebellious teenagers are put ina position of authority, it often turns them into model citizens!

MR MOESBY

Hmm, did you happen to read that on the inside of a juice cap?

MISS TUTWEILLER

You are a cynical little man. (Mr Moesby gasps.) I am an educator, not a warden.

MR MOESBY

Well, you’re wearing the stripes.

Miss Tutweiller walks away frustrated. They then both walk back to Zack.

MISS TUTWEILLER

Zack, instead of doing time in detention, we are going to give you community service.

ZACK

Ugh, that sounds like helping people. Can’t you just throw me in the brigg?

MR MOESBY

(in a childish voice) Two against one!



On the sky deck Cody is collecting towels as Bailey walks by.

BAILEY

Hey Cody.

CODY

Oh, hey Bailey, my shifts almost over. You got a second to hang out?

BAILEY

I can’t, I’m late for Physics. Oh but my Mandarin class doesn’t start till Liǎng diǎn bàn.

CODY

Two thirty? I can’t. I’m tutoring till 4. But I’m free after that?

BAILEY

I can’t. I have an interview at a new boutique on the plaza deck.

CODY

What? Well you can’t get a job, we’ll never see each other.

BAILEY

I need money. My parents couldn’t send my allowance cause of those evil weevils.

CODY

The weevils got you’re corn crop?

BAILEY

No, the weevils got my parents.

CODY

(gasps) Those must be some mighty big weevils!

BAILEY

No no no, Joe and Edna Weevil, our next door neighbors, they sued us. They say they slipped on horse pucky, but I think that’s a load of pucky.

CODY

One day I’ve got to visit your town…wearing really big boots.

Bailey walks off.



Kirby and Zack are walking down the corridor. Zack is wearing his hall monitor cap and badge.

KIRBY

All right. Let’s go over your responsibilities when working the halls. Rule number one, makes sure all the students have hall passes.

ZACK

Yeh, I figured as much.

KIRBY

And then, well that’s it.

ZACK

Cool. My kind of job.

Woody walks by.

WOODY

Hey Zack!

ZACK

Hey Woodster!

KIRBY

(pointing after Woody) Zack? Why didn’t you stop him and see if he had a hall pass?

ZACK

It’s Woody. He never has a hall pass.

KIRBY

Then don’t let him by. Your job is crucial to the safety of this ship.

ZACK

Dude, I’m a hall monitor.

Zack turns and sits in a chair behind. Kirby moves to him.

KIRBY

You better take this seriously. These students have to be watched.

A student sneaks past behind Kirby. Zack notices.

ZACK

Uh Kirby…

KIRBY

I don’t want any horseplay in these halls.

Another student sneaks by. Kirby still doesn’t notice.

ZACK

Uh Kirby…

KIRBY

You have no idea what kids will sneak past you if you don’t stay sharp.

Another student carrying a fishing net and a life preserver sneaks past. Again, only Zack notices.

ZACK

Actually I got a pretty good idea.

KIRBY

When Woody comes through here you got clamp down on him like my teeth on a double cheeseburger with bacon.

Zack stands up as he sees Woody walk by. Woody is holding a plate of pizza. Zack steps in front of Woody.

ZACK

Woody, I’m gonna have to see your hall pass.

WOODY

(laughs) Yeh, good one Zack.

Woody goes to walk off but Zack stops him.

ZACK

No, if you don’t have one, (flips open his notebook) I’m gonna give you detention.

WOODY

But I got pizza. (waves it under Zack’s nose) I even brought you a slice.

KIRBY

Uh uh, (takes pizza) that’s bribing an officer. I’m gonna have to put this in the evidence locker.

WOODY

Is the evidence locker your stomach?

KIRBY

Maybe…

Kirby walks off with pizza. Zack and Woody look confused.



In the boutique London is looking through the rack of clothes as Bailey walks in. Bailey starts looking at the clothes. London then notices Bailey.

LONDON

Bailey?! (Bailey steps back surprised) What are you doing here? You don’t buy nice clothes.

BAILEY

(ignoring London’s comment) I’m here to apply for a job. Have you seen the owner.

London steps forward.

LONDON

Every time I look in a mirror, so a lot! (laughs)

BAILEY

What don’t you own on this ship?

LONDON

That dress. You look like a taxi.

London walks to behind the cash register.

BAILEY

Leave my dress alone.

LONDON

Hmm, bad attitude. I’m noting that on your application.

London starts to fill out an application.

BAILEY

Wait, so I have a shot?

LONDON

Of course! We’re roommates. This interview will just be a formality. So…name?

BAILEY

London?

LONDON

(gasps) That’s my name! (laughs) Address?

BAILEY

The bed next to yours.

LONDON

Do you have a criminal record?

BAILEY

Not yet.

London moves back towards the middle of the shop. Bailey follows.

LONDON

So what makes you think you have what it takes to work at (turns to Bailey) One Of A Kind?

BAILEY

Well, I have tons of sales experience. Every Summer at Kettlecorn I work and Buck’s Bate and Beauty Barn.

LONDON

Huh?

BAILEY

You know (clears her throat and starts singing) If you’re getting (???) too or itching to land a trophy trout it’s time to give Buck a shout. (stops singing) For all your worm and perm needs. (does jazz hands)

LONDON

You know a lot of people lie on their resumes. You should be one of them. I mean do you have any experience selling clothes?

BAILEY

Uh, would you count a hat that says “Do it for the halibut”?

LONDON

No.

BAILEY

Then no.

LONDON

(suddenly gets excited) You’re hired!

Bailey hugs London and bounces her up and down. London doesn’t look impressed.

BAILEY

Oh my God! Thank you. I’m so excited. I won’t let you down. What can I do first?

LONDON

Let me down.

Bailey lets London go, looking apologetic.



Zack is now wearing a full security officers uniform writing in his notebook. He rips off a detention slip. There are three students lined up next to him.

ZACK

Now.

Zack hands them their detention slips.

Don’t blame me you guys got caught. Had you snuck through the sewage flap and shimmied up the laundry shoot, you’d have saved us all a lot of trouble.

He waves the students away.

Now get out of here.

The three students start to walk off.

Oh, and next time. (points at one of the students) Don’t chew gum in my hallways.

Mr Moesby appears in the corridor.

ZACK

(to himself) Hooligans.

MR MOESBY

Wow Zack, I must say you are doing a great job as hall monitor.

ZACK

Thank you. You know it is kind of a rush when you catch them red handed. (Mr Moesby starts nodding in agreement) There eyes bulge out and they start sammering but but but…

MR MOESBY

(laughs) I know, I know and then they get that little bead of sweat on their forehead. (points at his own forehead).

ZACK

Right there. Right there. (starts shaking his knees) And then their knees…

MR MOESBY

Oh I love the knees! Love the knees! (They both sigh.) It’s fun isn’t it?

ZACK

You know Mr Moesby? I finally get you!

Mr Moesby is unable to speak from happiness. He hugs Zack. Miss Tutweiller runs in.

MISS TUTWEILLER

Mr Moesby! Don’t hurt him. (she pulls them apart) Zack? What’d you do now?

MR MOESBY

(slightly tearful) He’s changed.

Mr Moesby pulls out his pocket hanky which is instantly replaced by a new one. He dabs his eyes with the hanky.

I knew that putting Zack in a position of autority would put him on the right track.

MISS TUTWEILLER

Actually, (puts her hand up) that was my idea.

MR MOESBY

Yes, and I went along with it. Oh we are brilliant!

Mr Moesby walks over to Miss Tutweiller and hugs her. Miss Tutweiller seems a bit surprised.

MISS TUTWEILLER

Oh. Kay.

ZACK

Uh, no public displays of affection in the hallway. I’m gonna have to write you up.

Zack starts writing a detention slip. Mr Moesby and Miss Tutweiller look at him, unimpressed and slightly confused.



In the boutique Bailey is serving a customer.

BAILEY

Thank you for shopping at One Of A Kind. (hands the customer her clothes) Come back soon.

The customer leaves the shop and walks past London who notices she’s carrying something. She runs to check as the customer walks past the window.

London, I just made my first sale!

LONDON

How could you sell my clothes?!

BAILEY

(looking confused) I thought that was my job? You hired me as a sales girl.

LONDON

Yes. Because you were completely unqualified.

BAILEY

Ok, I’m confused. Why did you open a store if you didn’t want to sell anything?

LONDON

I think it’s obvious.

Bailey looks around, still confused.

Look, but if I must explain everything to you. Look, Daddy didn’t let me expand my closet but he was all for me starting a business.

BAILEY

So all these clothes are for your personal use?

Bailey takes a top off one of the racks, which London takes off her.

LONDON

Yes, I mean didn’t you notice they’re all my size and there’s only one of each?

BAILEY

Oh! So that’s why it’s called One Of A Kind.

LONDON

Wow you’re slow! Which, (walks over to a mannequin) is why Mary’s going to beat you out for employee of the month.

London starts talking to the mannequin

Hey Mary. How you doin’ today? Oh, you look great.

BAILEY

(waving to get London’s attention) Um, hi.

London turns back to Bailey

So if we don’t sell anything, I’m still getting paid right?

LONDON

Oh yeah, sure. Now get back to work (puts the top back on the racks) and remember, don’t sell, don’t sell, don’t sell.

London walks off. Cody enters the boutique and walks to Bailey.

CODY

How’s my beautiful Bailey’s comet?

BAILEY

Just get out of astronomy?

CODY

Yep, and between classes I have a few heavenly minutes to spend with you.

BAILEY

(giggles) Cody, I feel your gravitational pull.

A customer walks in.

BAILEY

Oh, I have a customer.

Bailey walks over to the customer that’s looking through the clothes.

I wouldn’t touch that. The dye will come off on your hands. Cheap.

The customer shrugs and moves on to look at a fur jacket

That’s rat fur.

The customer runs of as Bailey mimics a mouse.Cody watches the customer leaves and walks round to Bailey looking confused.

CODY

Well that was odd. (looks at his watch) I’m gonna be late for class.

BAILEY

But we never get to see each other and I don’t get out of here until right before curfew.

CODY

Then we’ll just have to meet after curfew.

BAILEY

(gasps) But curfew is…curfew.

CODY

Curfew be darned!

BAILEY

Why you wild mustang. No electric fence can corral you.

CODY

Grrr…(claws with his hand) or should I say neigh (mimics a horse).

BAILEY

I love this bad boy attitude.

CODY

Oh I can be bad. Real bad

Cody leans on the rack behind him and promptly falls over and screams. London walks in. Cody stands up with a feather boa round his neck.

LONDON

Did you just sell him that?

Bailey simply looks away. London grabs the feather boa off of Cody.



On the sky deck after curfew. Bailey and Cody are looking for each other.

CODY

(whispering) Bailey?

BAILEY

(whispering) Cody?

They spot each other.

CODY

Finally! Time alone.

They begin to run into each other in slow motion and put their arms out to hug. They then bump into each other and fall over. They start to get up.

BAILEY

(rubbing her head) That never happens in the movies.

CODY

Yeah can you check your forehead for your front tooth?

Bailey pulls Cody towards her.

BAILEY

Sweetie are you ok?

CODY

I am now.

They pull apart.

BAILEY

I can’t believe we’re out here under the stars, after curfew.

CODY

I know.

BAILEY

Kiss me Cody.

CODY

Ok.

They lean in to kiss when out of nowhere a flashlight is on them.

ZACK (vo)

Freeze!

They stop and look towards Zack.

ZACK

And keep those lips where I can see them.

Cody and Bailey pucker their lips towards Zack.



Still on Cody and Bailey when Zack moves towards them.

ZACK

Do you kids know what time it is?

Cody looks at Zack, extremely unimpressed.

CODY

Really Zack?

ZACK

That’s Officer Martin to you. You youngsters are breaking curfew, I’m gonna need to see some id.

CODY

Just pull out your id and look at it.

ZACK

None of your lip mister. I need your student number for the detention slip.

Cody pulls out his id.

BAILEY

I knew this was a bad idea.

Zack walks over to the desk.

CODY

I thought you liked the bad boy me? (mimics horse)

ZACK

Save your insanity defense for court.

BAILEY

I don’t have time for detention.

CODY

Ok, don’t worry. I’ll take care of this.

Cody walks over to where Zack is standing.

CODY

Zack, you can’t do this.

ZACK

Hey. You break the rules, (hands Cody his detention slip) you pay the price.

CODY

Since when did you care about the rules?

ZACK

Since I took my sacred oath of duty.

CODY

You’re a hall monitor!

ZACK

That’s right. That’s why I’m giving each of you one of these.

Zack hands Bailey her detention slip.

CODY

I can’t believe after all the times I’ve covered for you, you bust me!

ZACK

Hey, I didn’t write the rules. (shows the rule book) I just enforce them.

Cody takes the rule book from Zack.

CODY

After sixteen years you finally read a book and it’s this one

Cody throws the book overboard. He stops and listens to it fall then splash as it hits the water. Cody looks very pleased with himself.

ZACK

Ohh…You shouldn’t have done that. (points to the floor) Assume the position!

CODY

No!

ZACK

Don’t resist sir.

CODY

I’m going to resist all I want. (in a childish voice) I’m resisting, I’m resisting…

Zack pushes him over to the desk.

BAILEY

Don’t hurt him. He’s fragile.

CODY

I’m not fragile.

A couple walk by and stop to see what’s going on. Zack kicks Cody in the back of the knee.

Ow. Ow. You know I have a trick knee!

ZACK

(to the couple) Move along. Nothing to see here.



In the boutique Bailey is rearranging a dress on one of the mannequins. London runs out of the dressing room towards Bailey

LONDON

Bailey. There’s a customer in the dressing room. Go kick her in the shins.

BAILEY

But…

London pushes Bailey towards the dressing room.

LONDON

Just do it!

Bailey stops and turns to London

BAILEY

Don’t yell at me I’ve had a hard day! I have detention later, my job doesn’t make any sense and my feller’s a victim of hall monitor brutality!

LONDON

What’s a feller? Oh never mind.

The customer walks out of the dressing room. The customer looks at herself in the mirror.

BAILEY

Wow. That dress looks perfect on her.

LONDON

It sure does. Now go tell her she looks like a ham stuffed in a tube sock.

London pushes Bailey towards the customer. London leaves.

CUSTOMER

So, what do you think?

BAILEY

Well. Um. It might be…a little snug.

CUSTOMER

Really? I thought it was perfect. I was hoping my boyfriend was gonna propose tonight.

BAILEY

Aww…

CUSTOMER

And I thought for once I found the perfect dress. Maybe your…

BAILEY

Wrong! I’m wrong. It’s perfect on you. He’s gonna propose and you’re gonna live happily ever after with your feller. In that dress.

CUSTOMER

Well if your sure I’ll just go take it…

BAILEY

No!

Bailey grabs the customers arm while looking around to see if London is there.

Wear it out. I’ll have your clothes sent to your cabin.

Bailey pulls the customer towards the cash register. The customer starts to look through her bag.

CUSTOMER

Where’s my stupid wallet?

LONDON (vo)

Bailey? Did you get rid of that customer yet?

BAILEY (to the customer)

Uh, I’ll just charge it to your cabin. Just sign this.

Bailey passes the customer a pad. She then runs around to the front of the desk and as the customer is taking to long, takes the notepad and signs it for her.

BAILEY

Never mind. I’ll sign it. (hands the customer a slip) There you go.

Bailey pushes the customer out of the shop.

Go. Run, run, run like the wind!

London re-enters the boutique.

LONDON

Bailey? Did you just make a sale?

BAILEY

(feeling slightly guilty) It was for a good cause?

LONDON

That was my favorite dress. I want it back!

London starts to chase Bailey round the shop.

BAILEY

She already paid for it.

LONDON

And now you’re gonna pay!

BAILEY

She’s getting engaged.

London chases Bailey round the desk but bailey ducks down. London doesn’t notice and runs straight by her. London then can’t find Bailey. Bailey jumps up and runs out of the shop.

LONDON

Bailey! Wait. Oh oh oh…

London runs back into the shop towards the mannequin

Mary. Watch the store!

London then runs back out the shop after Bailey.

Bailey!



Zack is sitting in the corridor on Hall Monitor duty. He hears London and Bailey coming, sounding as if they’re running and points a speed gun at them.

LONDON

Bailey! I demand you to come back here!

BAILEY

You’re not the commander!

ZACK

Hold it ladies!

London and Bailey stop running and turn towards Zack.

Woo. Do you have any idea how fast you were going? I clocked you doing 5mph in a 1mph zone. Automatic detention. Plus you got to go to walking school if you don’t want this to affect your insurance.

BAILEY

Zack? I thought we were friends?

ZACK

When I put on this badge. My only friend is the law!

LONDON

Bailey, let me handle this.

London walks in front of Zack with a large wad of money.

ZACK

Is this an attempt to bribe an officer?

LONDON

It wouldn’t be an attempt if you took it.

Zack flips open is notebook.

ZACK

Running in the hall, bribery. You’re in a heap of trouble missy.

Zack hands London a detention slip the turns and hands one to Bailey.

Detention room. Three thrity. Be there!

London and Bailey start to leave.

LONDON

Don’t worry Bailey, Mary’ll bail us out.

Bailey throws her arms up in disbelief while Zack looks very satisfied with himself.



In the classroom, Zack is handing Miss Tutweiller a load of detention slips.

ZACK

Well, that’s the end of my shift. Kind of a slow day.

MISS TUTWEILLER

(looking through the pile of slips) If you have a busier day we’ll have to start making kids walk the plank!

ZACK

Good idea! As long as they walk not run.

Zack turns to leave. Miss Tutweiller quickly runs to behind him and shoots a spitball at the back of his neck.

Who did that!?

Zack turns around and Miss Tutweiller tries to look innocent.



Zack walks onto the sky deck, no longer wearing his hall monitor uniform. He walks towards some students.

ZACK

Hey guys!

The students instantly get up and leave.

Alright.

He moves to another group.

Whats up?

They also leave. He then move towards Woody who starts to walk away.

(pointing back towards the students) What’s with them?

WOODY

They hate your slimey guts!

ZACK

Thanks. Don’t hold back.

WOODY

Look Zack, when you became Hall Monitor you reached new levels of jerkosity.

ZACK

Jerkosity isn’t even a word.

WOODY

See! Only a jerk would point that out.

ZACK

Insulting an officer. That’s a detention

WOODY

You’re not even on duty.

Zack reaches inside of his shirt and pulls out a police badge on a chain.

ZACK

I’m undercover.

WOODY

You’ll never catch me Copper!

Woody runs across the Sky Deck towards the stairs. He quickly gets out of breath, unable to get past more than about five steps.

(out of breath) Ok, you win. Detention it is.

Kirby comes onto the Sky Deck and talks to Zack.

KIRBY

Tough day little buddy?

ZACK

Everybody hates me!

They both sit down at the juice bar.

KIRBY

Yeah. It’s a lonely life. When I first got into security I got so obsessed with enforcing the rules I even screamed at my Grandmama for getting into the express line with more than twelve items.

ZACK

I hate when people do that.

KIRBY

Actually it was just one can of peas but there’s hundreds of those little green suckers in there. My point is this is a hard job to get a handle on. The wise cracks, people shunning you and mama stops sending you birthday cards and chocolate covered pork rinds. (Starts to cry) The stress gets to you man! I used to have a full head of hair.

Zack strokes his hair suddenly looking very worried.

ZACK

I need to go talk to Moesby!

Zack runs off leaving Kirby crying.



In the lobby Mr Moesby is at his desk writing when Zack walks in.

ZACK

Mr Moesby? I can’t take it anymore.

He places his police badge on the desk.

I’m resigning.

Mr Moesby picks up the badge and looks at it.

MR MOESBY

I never gave you a badge. How did you get a Boston police badge?

ZACK

Long story but you probably don’t want your fingerprints on that.

Mr Moesby quickly drops the badge.

Anyway. I’m done with hall monitoring.

MR MOESBY

Why Zack? Why?

ZACK

Because I went a little overboard and now my friends wanna throw me overboard.

Mr Moesby moves from behind the desk to beside Zack

MR MOESBY

Look, Zack. I can’t help but notice that you tend to go to extremes whether it’s breaking the rule or enforcing them.

ZACK

Well what can I say? I’m a passionate guy.

MR MOESBY

Well there are other ways of convincing Mr Akapenny of your skills besides releasing a stink cloud. I mean can’t you find a middle ground?

ZACK

Like what?

MR MOESBY

You could just be a regular student who follows the rules.

ZACK

Well gee that sounds boring.

Mr Moesby just looks at him

Ok. I’ll give it a try. First I have to win my friends back by getting detention.

MR MOESBY

How do you plan to do that?

ZACK

I’ve already done it.

An explosion is heard followed by screaming. A large group of people run through the lobby.

MR MOESBY

Oh yes you have!



In the classroom, which is full of students in detention. Cody and Bailey are lying on picnic blanket.

BAILEY (to Cody)

Who would of thought detention would be the only place we could spend a little time together?

CODY

I guess we’re just both prisoners of love.

They lean in to kiss but Miss Tutweiller stops them.

MISS TUTWEILLER

No kissing in detention!

LONDON

Fine!

London blows a kiss to herself in her compact mirror. Kirby walks in with Zack.

KIRBY

Got another one for you Miss Tutweiller. It’s a sad day when you find out one of your own is dirty.

Zack runs to the middle of the class.

ZACK

Did you here that guys? I’m back with my peeps. No hard feeling right?

All the students start to gang up on Zack. Miss Tutweiller does nothing about it.

MISS TUTWEILLER

Coffee break!

Miss Tutweiller leaves the classroom.



Bailey walks into the boutique where London is unpacking some boxes.

BAILEY

Hey London. What did you wanna talk to me about.

LONDON

(sighs) Daddy found out I was using the store as my closet. Now he’s making me turn it into a real store and sell these.

She pulls a snow globe out of the box. Bailey takes it off her.

BAILEY

That’s so cute! I love snow globes. I have a Kettlecorn one where see a tornado blow a bunch of cows over a truck. Moo.

Bailey starts playing with the snow globe. London looks unimpressed.

LONDON

Charming. Well that’s why I need you. I mean you know about all the cheap chotskies.

BAILEY

Can I be nice to customers?

LONDON

Yes and I need you to start right away. Mary’s terrible at the cash register.

London moves to behind the cash register where the mannequin is standing.

This is all I get. (stands like the mannequin) All day! I am paying her way too much.

Bailey mouths the word Wow.