The New Lars

[The episode begins with a black screen.]

Steven: For your consideration...

(Steven begins a slideshow of two animals, the first being a koala.)

Steven: The koala, a marsupial from the forests of Australia, and the sloth, hailing from the forests of South America. Who should be crowned the king of the "hanging around, doing nothing" mammals?

[''Transition to the int. of the Big Donut.'']

Sadie: I think sloths eat poop.

Lars: Gross.

Steven: Well, that's definitely going to affect the rankings.

Lars: Eating poop would be better than this.

Sadie: [snickers] Just, let him do his thing.

Lars: So glad I don't have to deal with this tomorrow.

Sadie: Oh, yeah, they're closing shop to get those gulls out of the vents. Any plans?

Lars: Nah.

Sadie: Would you... want to come by my place? I know it's kind of been awhile, but we could get some food, watch some movies.

Lars: Nah. Sounds boring. I'll see if Buck wants to do stuff.

Sadie: Well, I hope you guys have fun together.

Lars: Yeah. We will.

[Sadie and Lars notice Steven's presence.]

Sadie: Hey, Steven? You're staring a little bit.

Steven: [in a soft voice while staring intently] No, I'm not.

(Lars and Steven leave the Big Donut. Lars starts locking the door.)

Steven: Hey, Lars? why didn't you want to hang out with Sadie?

Lars: [grunts] I see her at work. Why do I need to see her on my day off?

Steven: But aren't you going to get married, and have kids, and name one of them after his uncle Steven?

Lars: Oh, let me think... No. Me and Sadie aren't getting married. We aren't even dating. And if she thinks we are, that's her problem.

Steven: You're lying. I know how you feel about Sadie.

(Lars walks away from Steven.)

Lars: You don't know what you're talking about, so butt out!

Lars: Go annoy someone else. [in a lower voice] You little weirdo.

Steven: Why can't you just admit you love her?!

[''Night, int. of the Beach House'']

(Steven is asleep but is restless.)

Steven: [grunts] Lars.

(Steven enters Lars' mind and sees Lars)

Steven: Lars? You don't need to be such a jerk all the time. I wish I could just show you.

(Lars and Steven collide)

Steven: Aah!

[''Morning, int. of Lars' room'']

(Steven suddenly wakes up in the body of Lars with a "Noice" magazine on his face.)

Lars (Steven): Aah! Huh? [takes magazine off face]

Lars (Steven): Wha? Whoa. Wait a minute.

(Steven looks around Lars' room.)

Lars (Steven): This isn't the temple. This isn't my voice. Whoa -- I'm Lars?

(Steven as Lars notices that he is naked)

Lars (Steven): Ooh! [whimpering and covering his eyes] I'm naked! I must've jumped into Lars' mind. I guess while I'm in here, I'd better do my best to respect Lars' body and his privacy.

(Lars (Steven) walks down the staircase of Lars' house into the kitchen.)

Martha: [in a quiet voice holding papers] No. We can do this, Dante. We have to talk to him.

Lars (Steven): Hi, there.

(Dante and Martha notice Lars.)

Dante: Oh, there's our boy. How are you feeling?

(Lars (Steven) sits down at the table)

Lars (Steven): Uh... taller?

(Martha places Lars' breakfast down in front of him.)

Martha: Here you go. Oh, it's good to see you this morning, Laramie. (holds Lars' (Steven's) face)

Lars (Steven): Who's Laramie?

Martha: I mean... Lars.

(Martha sits down next to Dante at the table.)

Dante: Now, Lars, we know school is a touchy subject, but we need to talk about this.

(Dante shows Lars (Steven), his grade report.)

(Lars (Steven) reads the report, not knowing what grades are.)

Lars (Steven): "F-F-F-F-F-F-B-D-F." That doesn't spell anything.

Martha: Please, Lars. We let you move into the attic, and your grades are still below average. All we're asking from you is...

Dante and Martha: A little effort!

Lars (Steven): [becomes teary-eyed] Wow. You guys seem so nice. I'm sure I don't want to let either of you down.

(Steven grabs Martha and Dante's hands.)

Lars (Steven): I, Lars, promise to go out and do my very best at being your son.

(Martha and Dante sit shocked, as Lars (Steven) gets up and leaves.)

Dante: Wow. He didn't even swear.

Martha: And he's wearing the plugs I got him.

[Outside in Beach City]

Lars (Steven): I'm Lars. [chuckles] I'm Lars, I'm Lars, I'm Lars!

(Steven notices Onion, who looks creeped out.)

Lars (Steven): Hey, Onion? Look, I'm Lars.

(Onion, who is still creeped out, gives a thumbs up.) Lars (Steven): I'm Lars for the day. Hey, it's Buck Dewey and Sour Cream. Hi, guys! Whatcha doing? Hanging out?

(Buck and Sour Cream look at each other briefly.)

Buck: Yeah.

Lars (Steven): That's cool. Would you say you hang out more like Koalas or Sloths? I'm asking for Steven.

Buck: I like that kid.

( Sour Cream nods his head in approval.)

Lars (Steven): Yeah, he's the best. [Chuckles]

Buck: Tell Steven we're more like sleeping tigers.

Lars (Steven): Okay. Then I'll be a panther. [Growls]

(Buck chuckles and Jenny comes out from the pizzeria.)

Jenny: Oh. Hey, Lars.

Lars (Steven): Hi, Jenny.

Jenny: Ugh. Dad made me work this morning. Now I stink like pizza and fish.

Lars (Steven): You don't stink.

Jenny: Lars? What a nice thing to say.

Lars (Steven): I can say way nicer stuff. Like you're really cool and pretty and fun to be around.

Jenny: [Laughs] Lars, this is so unlike you.

Buck: I see what's going on here.

Lars (Steven): Huh?

Buck: This isn't the Lars we know. Maybe Lars is actually... A good guy who likes making people feel good.

Lars (Steven): Yep. You got me.

Buck: That's the kind of vibe I want on our dance crew.

Lars (Steven): (Gasps) Lars is going to be psyched!

Buck: Buck is pleased.

Jenny: Can he dance, though?

Lars (Steven): Can I?

(Lars jumps to a clearing and starts dancing and humming.)

Jenny: Whoa! Lars got moves!

Lars (Steven): Whoo.

Buck: We going to a dance competition, and we need you. Come with us.

Lars (Steven): (Gasps for a few seconds then realizes something) Oh. Sorry. I can't. There's someone who needs me more.

[Transition to outside Sadie's house.]

(Lars (Steven) goes towards Sadie's home, knocks on her front door and clicks the doorbell.)

(Doorbell Buzzes.)

Sadie: Okay, okay, geez. Hold your horses.

Lars (Steven): Still want to hang out?

Sadie: Well, if it ain't the human boomerang -- always coming back to me.

(Lars (Steven) looks behind him then stares back with puppy eyes.)

Sadie: Look, sorry. I was going to watch a movie if -- If you wanna? I don't -- I don't know. [laughs] N-Nothing fancy.

Lars (Steven): I don't need anything fancy.

Sadie: [Laughs] Just get in here. Are those hearts in your ears?

[Transition to Sadie's bedroom]

Sadie: There's a bunch of stuff down there you probably haven't seen yet. Take your pick.

Lars (Steven): (Goes to shelf with movies and starts naming) "Night Terrors," "Enjoy the Violence," "Critter Crematorium," "The Organ Pickler, Part 7"?!

Sadie: I keep telling you, that's the good one.

Lars (Steven): How about this? "Fangs of Love."

Sadie: I think I'd rather have my organs pickled.

(Lars (Steven) and Sadie watch the "Fangs of Love.")

Male Werewolf (T.V): And you love me? Even like this?

Female Werewolf (T.V): I Dooooooooo!

(The movie ends with the werewolves howling.)

Sadie: [laughs] Didn't I try to warn you?

Lars (Steven): [cries] They just wanted... to be together. [Sobbing]

Sadie: Hey? [Grabs tissue box.] What is with you tonight, huh?

Lars (Steven): (Sniffling. Sadie hands Lars (Steven) a tissue) What do you mean? (Lars (Steven) blows his nose, and continues sniffling.)

Sadie: Look, It's like yesterday I asked if you wanted to come over, but you made a big deal, saying no in front of Steven, and now you're here? [Sadie looks confused] It's just, it's getting to be kind of a roller coaster, isn't it?

Lars (Steven): [Mood suddenly changes] Roller coasters are fun.

Sadie: [Sighs] It's like you're one way in private and a different way in public. You act like I don't know you don't want to be seen with me, but I do know. I'm not stupid.

Lars (Steven): Don't be sad.

(Lars (Steven) puts his hand on Sadie's shoulder but she slides it away.)

Sadie: It's just, I need to know. How do you really feel about me?

(Lars (Steven) makes an honest grin.)

Lars (Steven): Isn't it obvious?

(Sadie looks back at Lars (Steven), creeped out.)

Lars (Steven): I love you!

(Sadie reacts quickly and jumps of her bed, with a yell.)

Sadie: UGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Lars (Steven): Finally telling you.

Sadie: NUH! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! All right, I get it. I see how it is. Some cute little heart gauges, some dumb, fluffy movie, that's enough for Sadie. Right, Lars?

Lars (Steven): Uh, D-- I-I-I just wanted to fix everything.

Sadie: GET OUT!

[Outside Sadie's house.]

Lars (Steven): (Sadie pushes Lars out of her house) Stop, you're hurting me!

Sadie: GOOD!

Lars (Steven): You don't understand!

Sadie: (Talking through the door) I understand enough! You're only my friend when it's convenient for you. (Banging the door) Just get out of my life!

Lars (Steven): [Gasps] I'M NOT LARS!

Sadie: What?!

Lars (Steven): I'm....Steven. I just woke up this morning with my mind in Lars' body. (Runs towards Sadie's door) Ugh! I didn't mean to hurt your feelings like this. I'm sorry.

(Sadie opens the door calmly.)

Sadie: Okay. Maybe you are Steven. Lars would never apologize to me. Wait. So does this mean Lars' mind is inside your body?

Lars (Steven): I don't know.

Sadie: You don't know?

Lars (Steven): (Slowly speaks) Maybe we should check?

Sadie: Ya think?

[Transition to near a neighborhood]

(The cool kids walk with Sour Cream holding a silver trophy.)

Jenny: At least we got second place.

(Sadie and Lars run towards the Temple, panting.)

Jenny: Hey, look, it's Lars and Doughnut Girl.

[Transition to a siding of the Storage house.]

(Martha and Dante are eating Ice creams.)

Martha: It seems like Lars is really turning a corner.

Dante: (Notices Lars running behind Martha) Oh, speak of the Devil. Where's he going? (He and Martha notice Sadie) Who's that girl?

Martha: (Turns towards Dante) Let's follow him and find out.

Dante: [Chuckles] Oh, Martha!

(The Cool Kids and Lars' parents follow Lars and Sadie.)

[Outside the Temple House.]

Lars (Steven): (Grunts while trying to open the door) It's locked. (Lars (Steven) tries to break the door down, but fails and falls backwards.)

Sadie: HYAH! (Sadie kicks the door open, breaking it in the progress.)

Jenny: Why are they breaking into Steven's house?

(Lars' parents look at the scene in horror.)

Martha: Our Lars -- A burglar.

Dante: (Hugs Martha with one arm.) Now, now, you know we've been ready for this day.

[Inside the Temple House]

(Lars (Steven) and Sadie run towards Steven, lying on his bed.)

(Both Lars (Steven) and Sadie pant.)

Sadie: (Standing besides Steven's body) There you are. How do you switch back?

[Transition to Buck and the other witnesses who enter Steven's home.]

Buck: This looks weird, but don't jump to conclusions.

(All of them shout in horror, noticing Lars (Steven) slapping Steven while he's sleeping.)

Lars (Steven): Come on, wake up!

(Lars (Steven) tries his best to wake Steven up by slapping him hard.)

(Everything started distorting as Lars (Steven) finally returns to his Body)

(Steven finally wakes up.)

Steven: (Wakes up groaning) Ahh!

(Steven looks around and notices Lars drooling as he returns to his mind.)

(Lars' eyes suddenly rotate back as he falls towards a side of the bed.)

Lars: Guhhh...

Sadie: (Sadie grabs Lars before he could fall) Oh.

Dante: (Gasps heavily) What's going on?

Lars: (Lars wakes up) Mhn. Huh? (He notices Sadie) Sadie?

(Lars gasped and suddenly tripped.)

Lars: How did I get here? (He looks at everyone else) What are you all doing here?

Sadie: Lars, don't get mad.

Lars: (Lars turns towards Sadie) HUH?!

Sadie: (Sadie tries to explain Lars about the issue, but he interrupts) But Steven really didn't mean to...

Lars: (In fury, turns towards Steven) YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO?!

(The Cool Kids come in between Lars.)

Steven: (Afraid, he tells the truth) I spent the day with my mind in your body.

Lars: (Lars gasps in disgust) UHN! AHH!

Jenny: Whoa. Where's your chill?

Buck: Buck is no longer pleased.

Martha: I'm so sorry. He wasn't like this this morning.

Lars: I was acting weird all day and you all just LIKED IT?!

Dante: Please don't make a scene, Laramie.

Lars: MHN! [Inhales deeply] DAAH!

[Transition to the Big Donut]

(Steven looks through the front window, concerned. He enters the shop.)

Steven: Hey, Lars?

(Lars lays face first on the counter with his arms over the edge.)

(Steven takes out a card.)

Steven: Um... I'm really, really sorry about yesterday. I got you a card, it's got a Koala and a Sloth.

(Lars takes the card and tears it in half, not looking up.)

Steven: (Steven looks at Lars, depressed) I hope I didn't ruin your friendship with Sadie.

Lars: With Sadie? Oh, what did you say to her?

Steven: I said you loved her.

(Lars falls over and quickly pokes his head above the counter.)

Lars (excitedly): A-and what did she say?

Steven: She thought you'd only say something like that to hurt her.

Lars: Yeah. I guess she's right. Maybe that's why everyone liked the You me better than the Real me.

Steven: Not everyone.

(The doorbell rings and Sadie enters.)

Sadie: Uh, hey.

Lars: Hey! (Lars runs to Sadie.)

Sadie: Weird day yesterday, huh? (Slight chuckle.)

Lars: Ugh. Everyday in Beach City is weird. That's why I hate it here.

Sadie: (Sadie gives a smile) It's good to see the real you.

Lars: Yeah? Uh, uh, you should come over later, you know, bring a movie to watch or something.

Sadie: [Laughs] Okay.

[Cut to Steven]

Lars: Awesome.

(Star iris closes on Steven, smiling.)

[Episode ends]