Candace Loses Her Head

Scene opens up showing Phineas sleeping.

(Na, na na)

Phineas: Yes! Hey, Ferb! [Throws pillow at Ferb] It's Candace's birthday! We gotta do better than last year.

[Flashback]

Gorilla: [Roars]

Candace: AAH! [Slams door]

[Flashback ends]

Phineas: Not our best work. This time it's gotta be something huge!

(Song: Candace)

She's Candace

Like the Venus De Milo, except she's not armless and handless

She's got a big, honking truckload of ship-launching qualities

And this is the reason she bears no resemblance to a praying mantis!

(Candace) A name with 7 letters!

(Candace) Only wears designer sweaters!

(Candace) She's got an allergy to dairy!

(Candace) And she's anything but ordinary!

[Perry chatters]

Candace: Perry?

This is yours, I believe.

Linda: Happy birthday, Candace. I made you a special breakfast!

Lawrence: And after that, we have a surprise!

Candace: What is it? Where is it?

Lawrence: We have to drive to it.

Candace: Oooh!

Is it the mall?

Linda: No.

Candace: Okay. But it is the mall, right?

Lawrence: No, it's not the mall.

Candace: Wait. Please don't tell me we're going to Mt. Rushmore.

Linda: Isn't it great? 4 American presidents carved into a side of a mountain.

Lawrence: It was Phineas and Ferb's idea!

Phineas: You're welcome.

Lawrence: Okay. You lot go on ahead. I'll find a parking spot and meet you there.

Phineas: We're going up to the monument. Come on, Perry.

Linda: Okay, Well join you in a minute! Okay, Candace. It's your birthday, you can pick out anything you want. Ooh, what about the Mt. Rushmore bobble head?

Candace: Mom, that's lame.

Linda: Okay. How about this cute, cuddly Lincoln?

Candace: Jeremy? [Runs to counter] Hi, Jeremy.

Jeremy: Hey, Candace.

Candace: What are you doing here?

Jeremy: Ah, I'm just here on the Mr. Slushy Burger worker exchange program.

Candace: Um... [Clattering] Uh, oh, well, It's my birthday today, and... I... uh... [Clattering] I gotta check something. Back in a flash, 'kay? Where'd they go?

Isabella: Hi, Mrs. Fletcher.

Linda: Oh, hi, Isabella. What brings you girls here?

Isabella: Fireside Girls field trip. Um, is Phineas here?

Linda: Mmm hmm. He and Ferb are up on the monument.

Phineas: Possibilities.

Ferb: [Ding]

Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?

Doo be doo be doo ba,

Doo be doo be doo ba,

Doo be doo be doo ba,

Doo be doo be doo ba,

Doo be-

Doo be doo be doo ba, Doo be doo be doo ba

Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to no good again. We just discovered his new hideout is located inside Lincoln's head at Mt. Rushmore. I-I know. You were just there. Poor planning on our part, actually. Sorry.

Candace: PHINEAS! FERB! Oh!

Man: Hey, Honey. What are them kids doing up on the monument?

Candace: Let me see that. [Gasps] Mom! Mom, you've got to see this now. Here, look!

Linda: Oop. Ran out of time.

Candace: Oh, [Rummaging] Here, look now!

[Water rushing]

Linda: Oh, Old Reliable Geyser, How exciting! I'm just gonna go back to the gift shop.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus! Your timing﻿ is impeccable. And by impeccable I mean: COMPLETELY PECCABLE! [Laughs] Your just in time to witness my latest scheme. Behold, my Drill-Inator! I will bore a tunnel to China, build a toll highway, and make millions!

So, as they say in China: Arrivederci!

[Punches landing]

Phineas: Now, where should we start?

Isabella: Hi Phineas. Whatcha doin'?

Phineas: It's a surprise.

Isabella: Can I help?

Phineas: We could use a lookout!

Isabella: You got it!

[Rushes to trees, birds squawking]

Cashier: Uh, ma'am, if you handle the big stick, you gotta buy it.

Candace: Mom! You gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!

Ranger: [On megaphone] Uh, excuse me. Aren't you a little young to be restoring a national monument?

Ferb: [Holds megaphone]

Phineas: [On megaphone] Yes. Yes we are.

Ranger: Well, it's good to see young people taking an interest in our national heritage.

Doofenshmirtz: [Grunting and screaming]

Computer Voice: Hull overheating. Hull overheating.

Doofenshmirtz: The molted lava of the earth's core completely slipped my mind.

OH NO! THE LAVA IS FOLLOWING US!

The lava is being diverted. You did it, Perry the Platypus. You saved us!

I hate to be a stickler, but the lava is coming AGAIN! BLASTOFF!!!

Candace: Wait 'till you see what those two are up to!

Isabella: She's coming.

[ Phineas and Ferb Theme Song instrumental]

She's getting closer!

Phineas: We're running a little behind on schedule. Go to Plan B.

Isabella: Plan B, girls!

Candace: You are gonna be shocked by what I'm about to show you, Mom.

Linda: Hmm. I guess things look better in photos. [Phone rings] Oh, it's Dad.

Lawrence: Hi, Honey. I found an absolutely brilliant parking space!

[Arrow blinking]

Linda: Great! I'll meet you at the gift shop, Dear. I still have to buy that big stick.

[Bird squawking, thud]

Candace: Huh?

Phineas: Now!

Oops.

Ferb: [Hammers rock, rumbling]

Candace: Huh? Why it's... it's... It's beautiful! [Sobbing] MOM! Mom! [Thud] I gotta show you something right now! Come on! Follow me!

Linda: Candace, are you still trying to get the boys in trouble?

Candace: No! No, no, this is a great thing. Oh, it's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me!

Linda: You know Candace, this is the 2nd time I've climbed up there. I'm already down 1/2 a dress size.

Candace: Come on! Hurry!

Doofenshmirtz: AAH! Wait where are you going? AAH! [Crash] I'm okay I-- AAH! [Indistinct], Perry the Platypus!

Candace: Hurry, Mom! You won't believe it! [Rumbling]

Huh?

Ew!

[Lava bubbling]

Linda: [Gasps] Finally made it, Honey. Now what is it you wanted me to see?

Candace: But, but-

Linda: You're right. It's beautiful. Happy birthday, Honey. [Kisses] Now let's go find your father.

Candace: Ugh!

Phineas: Did you like your birthday present?

Candace: [Groaning]

Ferb: Well, it was definitely better than the gorilla in the cake.

Credits roll

Jeremy: Hey, Candace! I had a break, and I, uh, I thought I'd give you this for you birthday. I saw you looking at it in the gift shop.

Candace: A Mt. Rushmore bobble head.

Jeremy: You like it?

Candace: Oh! I absolutely love it.

Jeremy: Great. I gotta get back. Happy birthday.

Candace: This was the best birthday ever!

[Suspense music]