Divide and Conquer (The Powerpuff Girls)

(Opening shot: the city skyline during the day.)

Narrator: The city of Townsville! Where the most dastardly, most vile, most crooked degenerates plot their most wicked schemes.

(During this line, dissolve to a slow pan along with a brick wall plastered with WANTED posters. The following evildoers are shown: the Gangrene Gang (“Punks”), Sedusa (“Jezebel”), Roach Coach (“Dirty”), and the Rowdyruff Boys (“Jerks”). Partly visible at the bottom of the screen is a poster of someone named Jim; while the face is not seen, the hairstyle suggests that it might be the same Jim who appeared in “Mime for a Change” and “Him Diddle Riddle.” The camera stops briefly after passing the Rowdyruffs’ poster, then turns down quickly to show the Amoeba Boys standing in front of the wall. Bossman is smiling proudly, but Skinny Slim and Tiny, a.k.a. Junior, are apparently not on his wavelength just yet.)

Narrator: Or not.

Bossman: All right, fellas. We’re going to commit a crime!

(Cut to just over his “shoulder”; he is looking at the fruit bins outside a store across the street. His attention is focused on the orange display, which the grocer is filling.)

Bossman: All right, Junior. You go over there and lift one of those.

(Back to the group.)

Junior: Me? No way! Why doesn’t Slim go? He’s taller.

Slim: Me? No! (to Bossman) Uh…why don’t you go? You’re the boss man.

Bossman: Huh? I can’t go. I’m the getaway driver.

Slim: But you don’t have a car.

(This fact puts Bossman at a brief loss for words. On the next line, pull back to behind the orange display.)

Bossman: Uh…Junior. You go over.

Junior: No way!

Slim: Why don’t you go, Boss?

(All three start arguing the point, during which a truck passes by; its wake causes an orange to tumble from the display. Cut to them; the fruit rolls to a stop in front of them, and they fall silent. Bossman looks over at Slim, who is now smiling at the turn of events, and reaches down with a pseudopod “hand” to seize the booty. He lifts it up, whistling innocently, and then has a good laugh as Slim and Junior beam back at him. They head off.)

Bossman: Let’s get out of here!

Junior: To the hideout!

Slim: Yeah!

(Fade to black.)

(Snap to another section of town, this one rather dilapidated, judging from the graffiti and broken windows. A nightclub, the Roxie, is across the street from us. Police car sirens wail not too distantly o.c. as the view zooms in and dissolves to a slow pan across the club’s empty interior. Stop on the Boys, onstage under the glare of a single spotlight, during the next line. A small crate stands between them.)

Bossman: Yeah, this is the life. The life of crime!

(He laughs; close-up of them and the orange, now on the crate, and he picks it up. On the next line, he places it in turn before the one whose name is mentioned.)

Bossman: Okay, fellas. It’s time to divide up the loot. Okay, so. One for me…uh, ooh! One for Slim, and, uh, one for Junior there.

(Junior seems quite pleased with the arrangement, but it dawns on Bossman and Slim that this might not be in their best interests. Silence for some moments.)

Junior: Wow! Thanks!

Bossman: ( taking orange '') Wait a minute! Hmm—let’s try that again. (doing' as before) Uh, one for me, uh, one for Slim, one—no, wait. Uh, one for—one for me, uh, one for Slim—'''

(A dissolve to the exterior of Pokey Oaks Kindergarten mercifully ends the whole sorry display.)

Ms. Keane: (from inside) One and one equals—? Anybody?

(On the end of this line, cut to her at the blackboard; she draws a line beneath the arithmetic problem “1 + 1 = ?” After this, cut to a pan across her students, all of whom are considerably bewildered by the question. Stop at the girls’ desk, where Bubbles is waving her hand enthusiastically. Buttercup looks annoyed, while Blossom is smiling.)

Bubbles: Me, me, me, me, me!

Ms. Keane: Bubbles?

Bubbles: One and one is two, Ms. Keane.

Ms. Keane: (writing 2 under equation) That’s right! One and one equals two.

(Back to the girls’ desk; Buttercup scowls even more fiercely at a proud Bubbles.)

Ms. Keane: (from o.c.) Thank you, Bubbles.

Bubbles: (writing) You’re welcome, Ms. Keane.

Buttercup: Oh, please. This is so boring!

Bubbles: Well, I like math. (showing her paper) The number two looks like a swan.

(She has drawn it on the surface of a body of water, complete with swimming fish, a bird overhead, and a bright sun. Pull back; she waves it around a bit, while Blossom stifles a laugh and Buttercup looks even more fed up.)

Bubbles: (singing) La-la-la, la-la-la, oh, Mr. Swanny Swan, swan, la-dee-dee-doo-doo, Mr. Swanny Swan. (Blossom starts taking notes.)

Buttercup: We shouldn’t be stuck here doing stupid math! We should be out fighting crime! We should be kicking—

Blossom: (placidly) Fighting crime is important, Buttercup, but learning about numbers is important too. Like, for example, knowing how to count.

Buttercup: Oh, come on, Blossom, everybody knows how to count! What idiot doesn’t know how to count?

(Cut to the three such idiots who swiped the orange. They are still on the Roxie’s stage, and Bossman still has not figured out the situation.)

Bossman: (shifting it in front of each in turn) One…one…one…one. (He stops with it in front of himself.)

Slim: (taking it) Here. Let me have a try. It can’t be that difficult.

Bossman: Hah! So you’re calling me an idiot, are you? Well, that’s rich coming from you. (Cut to Slim; he continues o.c.) I know what you’re up to. You want the whole thing for yourself!

(Pull back; he yells and leaps across the crate. Close-up of Junior.)

Bossman: (from o.c.) Gimme that!

(The sounds of his o.c. a scuffle with Slim is accompanied by pieces of orange peel flying into view from their direction, followed by the fruit itself. Junior looks after it as it bounces across the stage. When it stops, we see that it has been entirely peeled and all the sections are still held together and intact. Junior moves in for a closer look.)

Junior: Hey, fellas! Check this out!

(Cut to Bossman and Slim; these words stop them short. They join Junior to watch the orange.)

Junior: Look!

(Close-up of it, zooming in. After a long, tense moment, it splits into sections. Back to the Boys.)

Boys: Wow!

Bossman: Wow! It divided! And so it…multiplied! (awed) Multi—

Slim, Junior: (also awed) —plied! Multiplied!

(Quick pan to Bossman, whose face shows that he is straining mightily at something. After a moment, a mass of cytoplasm emerges from his side and forms itself into an exact copy of him—without the gray fedora.)

Bossman, Bossman 2: Multiplied!

(Back to Slim and Junior. Slim strains and produces a copy of himself, which has no brown fedora.)

Slim, Slim 2: Multiplied!

(Now it is Junior’s turn; with relatively little effort, he squeezes out two copies, neither of which wears a black cap as he does.)

Junior, Juniors 2 and 3: Multiplied!

[Animation goof: Their mouths do not move on this line.]

(Now we see the entire group, and the chant is raised again as more copies come to be. Dissolve to the exterior of the Roxie, the chant still heard from inside; pull back slowly.)

(Cut to the exterior of Pokey Oaks Kindergarten.)

Ms. Keane: (from inside) And that’s how you multiply.

(Inside, she has replaced the previous addition problem with these three equations: “1 x 1 = 1,” “2 x 2 = 4,” “3 x 3 = 9.”)

Ms. Keane: Now—how to divide. (Close-up of Buttercup, still bored off her nut.)

Buttercup: Hmph!

(Pull back; Bubbles has drawn a large 8 on a fresh sheet of paper and cut out the interior of the loops. She holds the paper sideways in front of her face like makeshift goggles.)

Bubbles: Lookit! The number eight can also be…a pair of glasses! I can see eight times better now! (She giggles.)

Blossom: (taking notes) “How…to…di-vide.”

(Snap to black.)

(Fade into the interior of the Roxie, behind the original Boys, and turn up to point over their “heads.” The place is now filled to capacity with copies, all of whom are talking excitedly—and none of whom wear hats. Dissolve to the stage front; Bossman steps forth to address the crowd.)

Bossman: New criminals of Townsville, unite! (Wild cheering.) Only moments ago, we were just a few. But now… (thinking hard for a moment) …we’re a lot more! (More cheering) Brothers! March forward to destiny as we unleash our criminal genius on Townsville! Let’s steal…another orange!

(Long, puzzled silence from the multitude. Even Slim and Junior seem a bit nonplussed at the petty scope of their leader’s plans.)

Bossman: Uh…how about, uh…all the oranges?

(Another silence, after which the crowd starts cheering savagely and chanting “Oranges! Oranges!” The Boys trade a smug, satisfied look as the view dissolves to the exterior of the Roxie and pulls back; the chanting is again heard from inside.)

(Dissolve to a close-up of a large 3 on a piece of paper held aloft. This is once again the Pokey Oaks Kindergarten classroom.)

Bubbles: (from o.c., during the dissolve) Caw! Caw!

(She turns the paper on its side so that the points of the 3 point toward the floor—it now looks like a simplified drawing of a bird in flight. Pull back; she has this new creation in one hand and her 2/swan drawing in the other.)

Bubbles: What? Oh, yes! That’s right, Mr. Swanny. Ms. Number Three, who’s really a little birdie, has come to visit!

Buttercup: (groaning, very exasperated) In the whole city of Townsville, there has to be a crime being committed right now by someone!

(She gets her wish in the form of the hotline buzzing, and floats up out of her seat.)

Buttercup: Now that’s what I’m talking about! (She zips over and answers.) Hello?

(Cut to the Mayor’s office. He is at his desk, with the back of his chair facing us; only his nose is visible around the side. There is a faint yellow-green tint to it.)

Mayor: Yes, uh, Powerpuff Girls? Oh, we’ve got trouble. Oh…oh, yes.

Buttercup: (as her sisters join her) What’s the problem, Mayor?

Mayor: (losing composure) Oh, dear! The Amoeba Boys have stolen all of the oranges in Townsville, and…oh, my. Now the whole city…oh, dear, no! Now we all have…scurvy!

[Note: Scurvy is a disease caused by a lack of vitamin C in one’s diet.]

(On this last word, he swivels to face the camera. His entire complexion is of that same hue, and there are darker sores and pustules all over him. Cut to a screaming woman in a city street; she is similarly affected, as are all the other residents, as seen while the camera moves through the streets. They scratch themselves nonstop in an effort to relieve the itching brought about by their condition. One fellow tries to scratch and drive at the same time.)

Bubbles: (voice-over) If we don’t do something quick, the neighborhood and Townsville will get yellowish flaky skin, spongy purple gums, and painful swollen joints!

(The car rolls o.c. and crashes; cut to the girls as they fly onto the scene.)

Bubbles: We’ve got to find the Amoeba Boys and stop ’em! (Cut to the empty fruit stand; Blossom flies to it.)

Blossom: To find the Amoeba Boys, we’ve got to find the oranges. (Bubbles joins her.)

Bubbles: But, Blossom, they’ve already taken all the oranges!

Buttercup: (from o.c.) Not exactly.

(These two words catch her sisters off guard. Cut to a long shot of Buttercup, the camera positioned behind the top edge of a billboard whose contour suggests a piece of fruit in its design. She floats at a distance behind this; zoom in on her. Her eyes are closed, her eyebrows lowered, and her mouth is curved into a small smile. She has her hands behind her back. Blossom and Bubbles join her in midair.)

Blossom, Bubbles: Yeah!

(Pull back to a considerable distance behind them. What they are looking at is a huge rooftop billboard sporting a picture of a woman with fruit piled on her head, after the fashion of Carmen Miranda. The message: “Club Tropican—Opens Tonite.” Zoom in on the oranges that sit atop the woman’s headdress.)

(Back to the girls; their attention is drawn by a scream from ground level. Cut to the source: the woman from the sign, running down the street without her fruit accessories. She is in no condition to perform, having also contracted scurvy. Pan away from her to the laughing Boys.)

Bossman: Well, that’s it, Boys. The last of the oranges. (Overhead view; Buttercup floats down toward them.)

Buttercup: Well, you may have all the oranges in Townsville, Boys— (Head-on view of the girls, now all descended.)

Blossom: —but how do you like these apples?

Bossman: (stammering a bit) It’s the Powerpuff Girls!

(Ground level. Now all the additional troops have mustered behind their leaders.)

Bossman: (regaining confidence) Ha! If the Powerpuff Girls are after us, that means we’re really real criminals! (The crowd laughs and cheers; back to the girls.)

Blossom: All right, girls. It’s time to teach these protozoans a lesson!

Buttercup: That’s right, sister. We’re gonna teach them a lesson—

Blossom, Bubbles: —in math!

(Now it is Buttercup’s turn to be caught flat-footed; they are on the way down long before she can bend her brain around what they have said.)

Buttercup: Math?!? (Cut to Bubbles in flight.)

Bubbles: First, a little lesson in division! (She grabs a Bossman copy.) One... (She hurls him up.)

Bossman 3: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

Bubbles: …divided by one…

(She decks him; the camera follows him as he sails down the street.)

Bubbles: (from o.c.) …equals… (Cut to Bossman.)

Bossman: (excitedly) Ohhhh, she’s gonna hit me!

(The copy smashes into him, and the screen flashes white; when the view clears, the former is gone, having been reabsorbed into the original Bossman.)

Bubbles:  (from o.c.) …one!

Bossman: Wahoo! (Blossom moves in.)

Blossom: And now some multiplication!

(A Slim copy looks up eagerly toward her; she knocks him o.c.)

Blossom: One…

(She zips after him, pulls ahead, and stops next to Slim.)

Blossom: (kicking him back) …times one…

(Slim laughs during his short, graceless flight toward his offspring; pull back to a long shot of the block as they sail toward each other.)

Blossom: (from o.c.) …equals…

(Another flash upon impact; when it clears, only the original Slim is left in midair.)

Blossom: (from o.c.) …one!

Slim: (dropping o.c.) Yippee!

(Cut to Blossom and Bubbles in midair; both giggle at their mastery of basic arithmetic, and Buttercup flies up to them.)

Buttercup: Hey, check this out! (She charges.) Addition!

(Ground level; she plows into a Bossman copy.)

Buttercup: One…

Junior 4: Yaaay! (Her perspective, steering him toward Junior.)

Buttercup: …plus one…

(Another flash upon impact; when it clears; the copy is gone and Buttercup stands atop Junior.)

Buttercup: …equals one! (He faints; she realizes her mistake.) Wait.

(Cut to her sisters, still in midair.)

Blossom: (to Bubbles) Now here’s where it gets tricky.

(They fly in opposite directions. Cut to Slim and two of his copies.)

Blossom: (flying across, plowing them away) Three…

(She hauls them back in the direction she came from. Cut to three other Slim copies.)

Bubbles: (flying across, plowing them away) …divided by…

(She carries them back toward her starting point. Back to Blossom.)

Blossom: …three… (Bubbles again.)

Bubbles: …equals… (Impact; Slim stands alone between them.)

Blossom, Bubbles: …one!

Slim: (sighing contentedly) Oh, yeah!

(Cut to Buttercup in midair. She is still puzzling this out.)

Buttercup: Three divided by…huh? (Close-up of Bubbles.)

Bubbles: And now…

(Pull back. She is in midair, with a huge ball of copies hoisted over her head.)

Bubbles: …twenty-seven… (She charges upward. Close-up of Blossom.)

Blossom: …divided by twenty-seven…

(Pull back on this last; she also floats and has a great many copies in hand. She charges upward toward Bubbles; pull back to a long shot framing them both as they take a collision course.)

Blossom, Bubbles: …equals…

(The impact fills the screen and subsidies to leave only Slim in the two girls’ hands.)

Blossom, Bubbles: …one! (He sighs happily; back to Buttercup.)

Buttercup: (angrily) Oh, yeah?

(She charges; cut to a group of seven Bossman copies. She sweeps past, stacking them into a single tall column. On the next line, turn up to her at its top.)

Buttercup: Well, seven…

(She zips away and returns with two more copies and Junior, stacking them on; he is topmost.)

Buttercup: …times three…equals…

(She stomps on Junior with all her weight, and the entire column collapses in a splatter of goo and carries her down with it. The camera follows her to ground level, where—after another flash—only Junior is left, being waved around by Buttercup.)

Buttercup: …one!

(As he sighs woozily, her sisters float into view and shake their heads, taking the wind out of her sails once again.)

[''Note: In terms of single-digit results, Buttercup gets this one right. When designing an electronic circuit to handle arithmetic calculations, chips that add and multiply are programmed to take in two one-digit numbers and return one. The process of carrying values over is often handled by a separate circuit.'']

Blossom: (to Bubbles) So what does that leave us?

Bubbles: Now let’s see.

(Cut to Slim, standing before a brick wall and smiling. On the next line, pan from him to Junior and then Bossman; each of the Boys makes a sound of pleasure as the camera passes.)

Bubbles: (from o.c.) One…two…three… (Pull back; she and her sisters regard them from a distance.) Nothing more, nothing less.

(They rush the Boys. Bubbles pounds Slim, Buttercup nails Junior, and Blossom disposes of Bossman; each cries “Yes!” when hit. The view flashes white and resolves to a jail cell containing the Boys; they are the worse for wear now, and the door slams shut before them.)

Boys: (relieved) Oh, yes. (A policeman passes the cell; pull back slowly.)

' Bossman' : Well, fellas, we can call ourselves real criminals now.

(Dissolve to the exterior of their incarceration site—merely the police station—and continue pulling back.)

Bossman: (from inside) We’re in jail, we got beaten by those Powerpuff Girls—

(Cut to the wall from the opening scene, now plastered with WANTED posters showing the Boys.)

Bossman: (voice-over) —and we got our own WANTED poster!

Boys: (voice-over) Yaaay!

(Close-up of one poster; a hand reaches into view and slaps one of Mojo Jojo over it. Pull back to show it as belonging to a house painter who has already covered all the other posters on the wall with Mojo’s. He runs his roller over the one he has just put up to secure it in place.)

(The background for the end shot comes up.)

Narrator: And so once again the day is saved—thanks to…

(The symbols for multiplication, division, and addition appear L to R in the girls’ normal places.)

Narrator: …the power of math!