Christmas


 * Merry Christmas, everybody!
 * Merry Christmas, everybody!

Elmore Hospital

 * I ran over Santa on Christmas Eve! I'm definitely on the naughty list now! Wait! Good deeds cancel bad ones.
 * [He opens a closed curtain]
 * Come on! Push!
 * What?
 * [Richard closes the curtain walks away, jumping on a sleeping man]
 * I'll save you!
 * [Richard attempts to give the man mouth-to-mouth]
 * I'm a doctor! [shoves Richard off of him] I'm on a break!
 * [Richard then uses a knee hammer to hit a woman's knee. The woman's shoe flies off and hits another patient's machine, causing him to bloat up before popping. Richard watches sheepishly]
 * [taps on Richard's shoulder] I can assure you, sir, that this homeless man is not Santa Claus. But he is concussed, has no memory, no ID, and now he's your problem.
 * What?! We're not keeping an unwashed stranger in my house on Christmas Eve!
 * Mom?
 * [Nicole turns to see her Gumball, Darwin, and Anais with sad faces]
 * [sighs] Fine.

The Watterson Home

 * So where is your home, sir?
 * [Richard is bowing down in front of the homeless man while Nicole follows behind the homeless man, cleaning up the mess he is making on the floor]
 * I can't remember.
 * [Richard pulls out a chair for the man and Nicole cringes, throwing a newspaper on the seat before he sits down]
 * This is a very nice home you have.
 * [quickly] You like it? It's yours!
 * What would you like to eat?
 * Cookies! Everyone knows they're Santa's favorite!
 * [Nicole sighs]
 * Your children are very sweet, too.
 * Take 'em!
 * Here, help yourself, sir.
 * [Nicole sets down a plate of cookies on the table]
 * Your wife's cookies look delicious.
 * She's yours!
 * [through clenched teeth] Richard! Aren't there some good deeds to do somewhere else?
 * Yes! Gotta get back on the nice list!
 * [Richard runs out of the house]
 * Okay, I'm gonna run a bath for our guest. [quietly, to Gumball, Darwin, and Anais] If he touches anything, clean it...with fire!
 * [Nicole leaves, glaring at the man]
 * Okay, come on, Santa! We gotta get your memory back! Now finish this sentence: "Ho, ho, ho, merry Chrrrr..."
 * "Creepy kids looking at me funny"?
 * [The Homeless man picks up a cookie and tries to eat it, but Anais snatches it away]
 * Oh, you can have your cookie...when the fate of Christmas is no longer at stake!

Elmore Shopping

 * Okay, we need some familiar surroundings to get your Santa instincts to kick back in.
 * [they arrive at a small cabin with a sign calling it Santa's Grotto]
 * Wait here.
 * [Anais goes into the cabin]
 * Ho, ho, ho! Hello, little - ah!
 * [Anais kicks him out of the cabin]
 * Okay, ask her what she wants for Christmas.
 * What do you want?
 * [Anais frowns sadly]
 * Come on, Santa, put some Christmas into it!
 * [sighs] Ho, ho, ho. What do you want, little girl?
 * I want four ponies! One for the bedroom, one downstairs, one for the bathroom, and a spare one no one else is allowed to use. And I want a princess tiara and a prince to marry me when I'm old enough so I never have to work like Mom.
 * Well, I don't think it's right to give kids whatever they want or they end up spoiled brats, like this one.
 * [outside the cabin, Anais kicks down a snowman prop while screaming]
 * See? This is the problem with kids these days.
 * I know. All I want for Christmas is world peace.
 * Well, that's nothing practical.
 * [outside the cabin, Darwin uses a candy cane prop to hit another candy cane prop while Anais attempts to knock down the "Santa's Grotto" sign]
 * Can I go on your lap now?
 * Nope.
 * [outside the cabin, Gumball is on the roof, ripping up the fake snow. The homeless man exits the cabin]
 * So, can I have my cookie now?
 * ,, and : No!
 * [The homeless man angrily hits the cabin with the "Santa's Grotto" sign]

Leaving Elmore Shopping

 * [The homeless man, Gumball, Darwin, and Anais are in the backseat of the Wattersons' car, all angrily looking down.]
 * I think we all started on the wrong foot here.
 * [The homeless man, Darwin, and Anais all begin talking at once]
 * I know that's true, I'm sorry, Santa! I'm really, really sorry.
 * No, no, no, it's all my fault.
 * We never should have shouted at you.
 * Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Let's just hug it out.
 * [they hug and Nicole suddenly stops the car]
 * Don't you think instead of hugging a filthy stranger, you should be apologizing for causing thousands of dollars of damage at the mall?
 * We're just trying to help Santa.
 * For the last time: he's not Santa! Oh, I wish we were a normal family sometimes. Then my husband could talk some sense into you instead of running around the neighborhood like a maniac.
 * [Nicole begins driving again and Richard runs up behind them, in front of another car]
 * Christmas good deeds! Free windshield wash!
 * [The car swerves to avoid crashing into Richard and hits a parked car. The tree from the top of the car flies off and into a reindeer decoration, causing it to catch on fire. Rosie, who was watching the display, begins to cry]
 * Merry Christmas!
 * [Richard runs off]

Back at the Watterson home

 * [Darwin tries to shove the homeless man up the chimney]
 * Come on, Santa. You need to go up as well as down. [to Gumball and Anais] I don't think he's gonna make it.
 * He just needs some encouragement. Anais, get me the matches.
 * [The homeless man hears Gumball and begins to panic. Nicole walks over]
 * Kids, I think we need to have a little conversation.
 * [in the living room, the homeless man, Gumball, Darwin, and Anais are on the couch while Nicole is standing in front of them, facing the other direction]
 * Let me tell you something about Santa Claus. There is no Santa Claus!
 * [Gumball, Darwin, and Anais gasp, colorful lights leaving their heads]
 * I think all the innocence just left my body.
 * When I was a little girl, there was only one thing I ever wanted, so every year I wrote a letter to Santa asking for the same present. I hoped and hoped and hoped again. But he never came, and that's how I learned the terrible truth. Santa Claus doesn't exi -
 * [Nicole turns to face the empty couch]
 * Kids?
 * [she goes outside]
 * Kids? Oh, kids, come back. I'm sorry!

Christmas is Cancelled

 * [The setting is black and white and at night. Gumball breaks free of a snow globe he was trapped in, then unplugs the Christmas lights of a house, disappointing those who were looking at it. Darwin throws away a turkey Mrs. Robinson was trying to cut while Mr. Robinson look on. They walk off sadly. Anais draws a tear on a reindeer prop. Gumball, Darwin, and Anais pop out of the gifts belonging to Carmen, Leslie, and Tobias. The homeless man chops down a tree.]


 * Silence, the ringing
 * Turn off all the lights
 * Stop all the singing
 * No dinner tonight
 * Come shed a tear for wishes unanswered
 * Give back your gifts, for Christmas is cancelled
 * Chop down the tree, for Christmas is cancelled

Santa's sleigh

 * [Richard spray paints the words "rap music" on a white fence]
 * Oh, no! Some rebellious young person defaced this pretty fence. It's lucky I'm here to fix it!
 * [Richard begins spraying over it with white, but a police siren and lights stop him]
 * Five-Oh!
 * [He jumps over the fence and a reindeer sniffs him. He and the reindeer begin screaming]
 * Huh? Yes! Santa's sleigh!
 * [Richard gets in the sleigh]
 * I'm totally gonna save Christmas. Go! Giddy-up! Activate!
 * [The reindeer does not respond to any of it, so Richard slaps it from behind, causing it to take off. Below them, the homeless man, Gumball, Darwin and Anais stop in front of the Wattersons' house]
 * So, wanna come in for a cookie?
 * Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I've been enough of a burden and a disappointment. I'll be on my way now. But thank you for believing I was someone special. For a moment there, I almost thought that I could be Santa.
 * [A present knocks the homeless man out and Gumball catches it. They look up to see Richard on the sleigh]
 * ,, : Dad?
 * Ho, ho, ho!
 * [Gumball, Darwin, and Anais turn to where homeless man once stood, now with Santa in his place]
 * ,, : Santa!
 * That's right! How long have I been out? Is it still Christmas Eve?
 * Yeah, but -
 * Then it's not too late! All I need is my sleigh!
 * [His sleigh comes flying at him; he, Darwin, and Anais duck, but Gumball gets stuck to the bottom of it, Meanwhile, Nicole is at the park]
 * Come on, kids, come home! There's plenty of stuff that doesn't exist! The tooth fairy, Bigfoot, Switzerland.
 * [Santa's sleigh flies by and she runs after it when she spots it. Gumball is still stuck to the bottom of the sleigh and nearly gets hit by a weather-vane, but it only rips off some of his pants]
 * [screams] Oh, wait. I'm okay.
 * [Richard pulls Gumball into the sleigh next to him]
 * How do you land this thing?!
 * First you need to fasten your seat-belt!
 * [Gumball fastens his seat-belt, but Richard has trouble with his]
 * What the? How can I be fatter than Santa?
 * [points a utility pole] Duck!
 * Ask the magic sack for some walkie-talkies and I'll tell you how to land!
 * [to the bag] I want some walkie-talkies!
 * [a present comes out]
 * Aw, man! It's really well wrapped!
 * Ask it for scissors!
 * I want some scissors!
 * [wrapped scissors come out of the bag]
 * Are you kidding me?!
 * Give me that, son! I'll show you how a real man opens his present!
 * [Richard puts the box in his mouth and the scene cuts to Santa catching a walkie-talkie]
 * Good job, chaps! Now, in front of you there should be an altimeter, a gyroscope, and an anemometer!
 * Okay, what are they for?
 * I don't know. I never used them myself. But at least you're facing the right way! Now just fly with your guts! What can you see?
 * Nothing but your reindeer's butt.
 * Right. Keep going down, keep going down, keep going down...pull up!
 * [Richard and Gumball begin screaming and pull up]
 * Plan B: ask the bag for some parachutes and jump.
 * We can't do that! Your sleigh will crash! What about Christmas?
 * Your lives are more important than Christmas! Just jump!
 * Request denied, sir. We're saving Christmas! Over.
 * Oh, dear.
 * I love you, Dad.
 * I love you, son.
 * Sounds like they're coming in too hot.
 * [to Darwin] Follow me!
 * [Darwin and Anais run off. Anais begins ripping lights off of some steps]
 * They're not gonna make it!
 * We're gonna crash!
 * Not on Christmas, son! You have to believe!
 * [Richard turns away from Gumball and bites his fist. Darwin and Anais both come together with Christmas lights]
 * I can't see anything!
 * Don't worry, guys!
 * [Anais tries to connect the plugs, but they're too short]
 * They're gonna crash!
 * [Anais continues trying to connect the plugs. Nicole takes them from Anais and forces them together and the area becomes lit up; from above, Richard and Gumball see it as a walkway to land]
 * and : Yes!
 * [the lights go off]
 * and : No!
 * It's okay, they're Christmas lights!
 * [the lights began flicking on and off and the reindeer lands the sleigh in front of Santa while they cheer]
 * Well done, Blitzer! Nicole Watterson, I've been looking for you.
 * Santa?
 * I've been meaning to talk to you about these.
 * [he opens a compartment in the sleigh that reveals Nicole's letters]
 * My letters.
 * Every single one, you sent them to the South Pole! I live in the North Pole! I was just checking I had your address right when you, uh, ran me over.
 * [crying] I'm so sorry!
 * That's okay, Richard! After that landing, you're on the nice list forever!
 * Awesome! 'Cause you owe me 800 dollars for the hospital bill.
 * Hm. Ho, ho, ho. Now where's that present for Nicole?
 * [Santa walks away from Richard to the toy bag in search of the present and hands it to her]
 * Aha! This is long overdue.
 * Really?
 * Well, what is it?
 * The most beautiful gift I could ever wish for.
 * [Nicole opens her hand to show off four little dolls: two bunnies, one big, one small; a fish; and a cat]
 * It's just like us.
 * Yeah, close enough.
 * Well, time to go!
 * [Santa gets in his sleigh]
 * Goodbye, children! And thank you for believing in me.
 * But what about your cookie?
 * Just leave it by the fireplace, please. I'll be back for it later. Alright, then -
 * [Santa gets ready to use the reigns, but Richard stops him]
 * I got this.
 * [Richard slaps Blitzer's behind again and Blitzer takes off. Some people exit their homes]
 * Hey, everybody! Christmas is back on!