Da Grinchy Code / Duck

(Scene begins at Who-Ville.)

Narrator: 'Twas the morning of Christmas when the Whos had awakened,

To find that their stockings and gifts had been taken.

And though you'd think a Who Christmas could survive just on joy...

(a person punches the man singing causing a grunt)

Turns out, those old Whos really wanted those toys.

But the town came together, they stood shoe to shoe.

No one needed to speak, 'cause they already knew,

That the way to save Christmas, or so it was told,

Was simply to solve Da Grinchy Code.

(Title card: Da Grinchy Code)

Which was lucky for them 'cause out of the air

Came a man who looked just like Tom Hanks with bad hair,

And he brought along friends like Nicolas Cage,

And old Doctor Jones who was also his age. (Indiana Jones cracks his spine and yells.)

The town pointed with pride, their hearts started to swell.

Nicolas Cage: I know.

Narrator: Said Nick Cage.

Nicolas Cage: I have bad hair as well.

Narrator: His friend interrupted...

Tom Hanks: We're looking for clues,

And this Dr. Seuss book is the thing that will use.

If I stare at this page for a small length of time,

I'm pretty darn sure of what we will find.

Who Citizen #1: The culprit?

Who Mayor: The thief who pulled off this heist?

Tom Hanks: No! The fact that these books are WAY OVERPRICED! ($23.99 (CHEAP!))

Narrator: The Who's question is answered, but had no replies,

I guess that why they're known as the Whos, not the Whys. (Why-Town, Capital of Why-oming)

Jones said--

Indiana Jones: I'll take this stick here, my Staff of Ra,

And shove it on up your tiny Who-Kah. (a Who gulps and his face turns white)

Then the rays of the sun will melt all the snow,

And show us the place where your presents did go.

Narrator: He positioned his stick just as he had planned,

But it did little more than to give them all tan. (the Who's faces begin to burn and turn red)

Then Nicolas Cage said to the mayor...

Nicolas Cage: Can I look at your desk? It may shed a new layer.

Narrator: And under the seal, he found an inscription,

And closed both his eyes acting out his description.

Nicolas Cage: I'm led to believe that the man called "The Grinch",

Stole all your things and took off on a pinch.

He cracked his whip on an antique sleigh,

And knew the right codes to get out the same way.

Who Citizen #2 (Bart Simpson lookalike): You found all that out from the desk in his room?

Nicolas Cage: Not really.

Narrator: Said Cage.

Nicolas Cage: I just watched the cartoon. (Pulls out a DVD of the cartoon)

Narrator: When all of a sudden, a blanket of snow

Covered the men from their heads to their toes.

It was the Grinch himself, who arrived with the stuff.

Grinch: You're lying!

Narrator: He said.

Grinch: And I'm calling your bluff.

From that story you told was sure to surmise,

That the bandits you seek are really you guys.

See, I found that old sled that I supposedly used

To steal all the gifts from all of the Whos.

But if memory serves, and the truth might just sting,

It's you who has access to antique things. (points to Nicholas Cage)

And that whipping you heard came from old Doctor Jones,

While the code-meister here broke into your homes.

Narrator: The men blinked and reacted the way guilty men do,

With a tug of their shirt and not one gulp, but two. (Indiana Jones cracks his neck when he gulps and yells)

Then Betty Lou Who who was no more than two,

And who's name we have changed said that no one will sue,

Said--

Betty Lou Who: Why are you trying to frame Mr. G?

Clearly he's not as well off as you three.

He's got a bad rep from here to Whobatatoes,

And his movie did poorly on "Rotten Potatoes".

(the website Rotten Potatoes shows a rotten picture of the Grinch with the Spud Scale showing 3%)

Narrator: But everything changed when he solved the Whos' crime,

And the Grinch now had friends for an awful long time.

But not 'cause he learned the true meaning of things, (the Grinch shrugs)

But for simply reuniting the Whos with their bling.

And as for the men, well in Who-Ville they say,

That their movie appeal shrank three times that day.

(The three men run away because they are being chased by the Grinch's dog Max, when the Whos wave good-bye, one of them holds a sign that reads "Happy Who-lidays!")

General Diane Beckman: You sent the Intersect program full of government secrets into the mind of a guy named (Pulls out a photo of Chuck Bartowski.) Chuck?

Bryce Larkin: WHAT? I did no such thing! Oh, wait, here's your problem. Yeah, it's a typo. I accidentally sent this to a, uhh... (Camera zooms in to the Intersect, with the part about "DUCK") a duck.

(Duck lands on a target escaping bullets and flies out of a gun.)

Duck: QUACK!

(Title card: Duck)

(Scene goes to Sarah Walker and John Casey in a room with General Beckman on the TV.)

General Diane Beckman: Alright, team. The Ring is planning something big. Any leads?

Sarah Walker: Nothing. It's like they're always one step ahead of us.

Duck: (Flies in.) QUACK!

Sarah Walker: He just had a flash.

Morgan Grimes: Oh, sorry. I just spilled bread crumbs the keyboard.

(Sarah looks at what's typed on the computer.)

Sarah Walker: "Q-H-T-L-8"? Wait! The Quentin Hotel is having a holiday event at 8:00 PM tonight. That must be when the Ring's going to strike.

John Casey: Looks like Duck's goin' undercover!

(The music from the title card plays.)

Duck: QUACK!

(Scene goes to the Quentin Hotel, then it goes to an undercover van, which reads "PHONE COMPANY TRUCK".)

John Casey: Okay, is everyone in position?

Duck: QUACK!

John Casey: Can the one liners, Duck! This is serious business.

(Scene goes to Sarah and Duck in disguises.)

Sarah Walker: Now don't get any ideas, we're only pretending to date. Duck?

(Duck is shown in the punch bowl)

Sarah Walker: Duck, what are you doing? You'll blow our cover! Unless...

(Sarah puts on spy-vision goggles)

Sarah Walker: Of course, the Ring snuck in as the caterers. Duck, you did it!

(When Sarah hugs Duck, he poops on her dress, the scene flashes on to Duck and Sarah's apartment)

Sarah Walker: Look, Duck, a really, really, pretty lady like me, and a water fowl like you, it will never work. (Sarah changes her mind) Oh Duck, you're right, I can't take this any longer. (Sarah tries to kiss Duck, but Duck tries to stop her and messes up her hair) Of course, the mission, I'm sorry. Now, how are we going to get into the Ring's control booth?

Duck: QUACK!

(Sarah sees an air vent)

Sarah Walker: (Gasp) Nice work, Duck! (Sarah places Duck in the air vent) Okay, Duck! You know what to do!(When Sarah covers up the air vent, two members of the Ring burst in and force Sarah to put her hands up, soon General Beckman walks in) General Beckman! You're working for the Ring?

(The General and the Ring members bring Sarah in the kitchen, then we see Morgan tied up)

Ring Member: Now, tell me, where is the Intersect?

John Casey: Far away from here!

(Duck reveals himself from the air vent)

General Beckman: Duck!

(Two of the Ring members actually duck)

General Beckman: (Grunts) Come on, we went over this!

John Casey: Get out of here, Duck! It's too dangerous.

Sarah Walker: No, wait! He has a plan!

(As the music plays, Duck is doing absolutely nothing, General Beckman tosses a piece of bread and Duck eats it)

Sarah Walker: Duck!? You're a... double agent?

Duck: Quack!

General Beckman: Uhh! I'm sorry! There's no more. See?

(Duck sees that there really is no more bread, so he attacks General Beckman, then Sarah attacks the two Ring members, John breaks free from the rope and punches the woman Ring member, finally Duck has defeated the General and Sarah and Morgan have her surrounded. Then, the entire Ring and General Beckman are taken away in the Phone Company Truck.)

Sarah Walker: Nice work, Duck! I guess you are more than just an aquatic bird.

(Sarah kisses Duck but gets interrupted.)

Bryce Larkin: Oh, hey listen. It turns out I was wrong after all. Intersect went to my old roomate, Chuck. That's just, uhh... Just a regular duck.

Duck: QUACK!

(Duck flies off.)

Sarah Walker (spits out duck beak): I can't believe I just kissed a duck!

John Casey: Hey, it could've been worse. You could've been kissing a nerd.

(Everyone in this scene laugh all together.)

Bryce Larkin: Still, definetley, see a doctor. Those things carry like, tons of diseases.

(Title card again: Duck)

(Music from the title card plays for three seconds.)

Duck: QUACK!

(Segment ends as it goes to the credits.)

Narrator: Their Who-Pods were missing,

Their Who-Dinkeys were plucked.

Their copies of MAD were--

Well, no such luck.