The Toast Derivation


 * Howard: Hey, Raj, did you ever tell your sister about the time Sheldon got punched by ?
 * Priya: Oh God, you're kidding!
 * Raj: (laughing) No. Gates gave a speech at the university. Sheldon went up to him afterwards and said "Maybe if you weren't so distracted by sick children in Africa you could have put a little more thought into ."
 * Leonard: Bam! Right in the nose! Made me proud to own a.


 * Sheldon: Well, no, sir, and do you know why? In a word "tradition". Every Thursday night for the last eight years, you and I and our friends have gathered here in this very spot to break bread covered with cheese and sauce, discuss the issues of the day, and yes, share a laugh or two. But I guess our rich heritage means nothing to you.


 * Howard: I think it’s like . We said his name too many times.


 * LeVar Burton: Oh, I don't think so. (Closes door and walks downstairs) I am so done with Twitter.


 * Sheldon: When he finished, he shouted "".
 * Zack: No, I always shout "Holy Moly". Don't know why, just do.


 * Penny: Oh, hey.
 * Bernadette: Hi.
 * Amy: Yo, P-dog.
 * Penny: What’s up?
 * Bernadette: We’re here to kidnap you for a girls’ night out.
 * Amy: Parenthetical, the term kidnap is being used playfully.
 * Penny: I kind of figured that.
 * Amy: Good. Now put this pillowcase over your head.
 * Penny: No.
 * Amy: She used to be much more fun, until Leonard punched her in the heart.
 * Bernadette: We just thought you might want to go out and have a good time, maybe go dancing.
 * Penny: (she's very upset) Oh. Gee, thanks, but I’m not really in the mood.
 * Amy: You do understand that it will distract you from obsessing over the rich variety of sweet loving that your ex-boyfriend is currently receiving from the fiery jewel of Mumbai.
 * Penny: (she sighs angrily) Okay, look, if I agree to go out with you guys, will you promise to stop pestering me about Leonard and Priya?
 * Amy: Yes.
 * Bernadette: Sure.
 * Penny: (she's even more fed up) All right. I’ll go change. Come on in.
 * Amy: If you’d have let me bring the chloroform, we wouldn’t have had to put up with all this jibber-jabber.
 * (Bernadette is not very happy by what Amy had said).


 * Penny: So, where do you guys want to go dancing?
 * Bernadette: We were hoping you’d know a place.
 * Amy: Yes, perhaps somewhere packed tightly with young, beautiful bodies sweating and writhing against each other in a glorious orgy of the flesh.
 * Penny: Oh, yeah, I know that place. What do you think?
 * Amy: That should display enough of your bosom to attract a new mate, or a hungry infant.
 * Penny: Okay, let’s go through this one more time. Just because Leonard has a new girlfriend does not mean I need to go out and hook up with some guy.
 * Bernadette: But you could if you wanted to, right?
 * Penny: Well, yeah, I guess.
 * Bernadette: Pick out the hottest guy in the room, take him home, do unspeakable things to him, then kick him to the curb with a smile on his face and teeth marks on his heinie?
 * Penny: More or less.
 * Amy: What’s that like?
 * Penny: (out of vision) I don’t know. It’s fun while you’re doing it. And then after, it’s mostly embarrassment, self-loathing and regret.
 * Bernadette: I would take that deal all day long.
 * Penny: (out of vision) Yeah, well, it’s not gonna happen tonight. You know, for the first time in my life, I am not in a relationship, and I’m totally okay with it.
 * Amy: You know, if being on your own is new to you, I’d be happy to share some tension-relieving techniques for ladies I’ve perfected over the years. For example, do you have an electric toothbrush?
 * Penny: (out of vision) Um, no.
 * Amy: You should get one.
 * Bernadette: What’s that?
 * Amy: It appears to be something preserved between two pieces of acrylic.
 * Penny: (out of vision) Oh, it’s a snowflake from the North Pole. Leonard gave it to me last year.
 * Bernadette: Oh, God, that is so romantic.
 * Penny: Yeah, it was.
 * Bernadette: Leonard’s really one of a kind.
 * Amy: Saying that while holding a snowflake is a little bit heavy-handed, don’t you think?
 * Penny: Let me see that. Oh, screw it. I can deal with a little self-loathing. Let’s go find me a heinie to bite.
 * Amy: Outstanding. And if we fail, we can always stop at CVS and pick you out a nice toothbrush. I call mine Gerard.
 * Bernadette: (she's really surprised) That’s kind of creepy.