Out of the Water and Into the Fire

1 Previously on KC Undercover We are going to be disappearing for a while. The Organization is sending us to a safe house in Rio de Janeiro. (All shouting) Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey hey! The whole point of us hiding from Zane is to stay safe. So can we please not kill each other? You have the green light to engage. Operation Good-bye Coopers is a go. The reason why we're in this stupid jungle, the reason why we're on the run, the reason why Zane is even free and knows where we are is because of me. I'm the one who did all this, so I have to fix it. Hey, excuse me, pilot. Where are we going to next? Is there a new safe house? PILOT: No! You're not going to a safe house. In fact, you're not safe at all. Good luck, Coopers! (Laughs)You're gonna need it. Go get the parachutes! There are none! What kind of helicopter doesn't have parachutes? The kind that's rigged to kill us! Before we crash, I just want everybody to know We know, we know. We love you, too. No. I was gonna say that I'm made of titanium, so I'm actually gonna make it. But nice knowing you guys. We're all gonna make it, all right? Everybody hold on and prepare for a controlled water landing. Are you sure you don't mean "controlled fiery crash into the ocean"? Just buckle up and hold on. Heads down, stay down, brace, brace, brace! What? I saw it in a movie once and everybody lives. All: Heads down, stay down, brace, brace, brace! Whoo! (Loud crash) All right, we made it. That's right. We're no longer crashing. We're sinking! (Marisa screams) Quick! Everybody! Start drinking water! Well, come up with a plan that makes more sense! So, basically, any other plan. Oh, when danger comes for you You know I'll stand beside you 'Cause ain't nobody keep their head so cool I always find a way, a way out of the fire But don't tell nobody, tell nobody I'm not perfect, so many things I Want to tell you, but I I keep it undercover Living my life on red alert Doing my thing, gonna make it work Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless But I always got your back Nobody can do it like I can I got to find out who I am Ain't got to worry about me It's all part of the plan I keep it undercover I keep it undercover (Screaming) Help! Open the door! Help! Somebody! Voice OVER P. A.
 * Remain calm.

Help is on the way. Well, good thing for you guys our ship came along just when it did. Your parents are resting. Considering what you've been through, you're all very lucky. Lucky? We have lost a member of our family. It is dead, and you are doing absolutely nothing to resuscitate it. Save my baby! She's acting erratic. I think she may be in shock. No, that's just Marisa. Captain, I think we have problem. Oh, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. What's the issue? She has no pulse. What exactly do you mean? That much like my ex-girlfriend, she has no heart. Uh, that's ridiculous. Come on, guys, of course she has a pulse and all of the other things that normal human beings have. Her blood pressure is zero over zero. What?! (Laughing loudly) That is hysterical. Your blood pressure machine must be broken. Yeah. Speaking of broken, shouldn't you guys be trying to fix Marisa's phone? Listen, I need a plastic bag and 50 CCs of rice, stat! Did you try drawing any blood? Well, I tried, but it's like she's made of metal. You know what? It's been a crazy day. Helicopter crashes, non-functioning medical equipment Yeah, I think what I need is a little rest, and tomorrow morning I'll give you all the blood pressure and heartbeats you want. Yup. Uh, hold on there, young lady. That doesn't look good. Oh, great. Her skin can bend needles, but the second you touch her arm, it completely falls off. (Computer chimes) Carl! Carl! I'm getting a hologram alert. (Chimes) Pick it up, Carl! (Sighs) That guy is never at his desk when he's supposed to be. He's probably chatting it up with Kathy in Accounts Payable. She's got a boyfriend, Carl! And get me some darn coffee! Agent Beverly here. It's Johnson. I'm on my way back from Brazil, and I have some terrible news. If it's about your rash, I don't want to hear it. No. The Cooper's helicopter went down over the Atlantic. I have confirmation there were no survivors. Not now, Carl! (Sighs deeply) Thank you for your cooperation. I just have one more question. How do you explain this? I've never seen that before in my life. What life? You have no blood. Or pulse. You're all wires and attitude! Okay, guys, we gotta tell him the truth. Craig, no. Honey, we don't have a choice. Look, the following information is completely classified. I'm Craig Cooper, senior agent with The Organization. All rightie. The what? The Organization. It's a secret government spy agency. We're all agents, and Judy is our robot daughter. And Marisa is my best friend who lives next door. I realize that doesn't help the believability of the story, but you know what, it's true. Right. I've never even heard of "The Organization. " Well, I mean, in all fairness, it wouldn't really be a secret government spy agency if everyone knew about it. Do I look like a fool to you? All: Well I know what's going on here. You're all from the future, and she's your terminator robot here to change the past! Really? That's what you came up with? Marisa: Exactly. If they could change the past, would I really have such lousy grades? All: Hmm I'm takin' you straight to D. C. The big brass is gonna have some questions about you, your fake agency, and your little robot friend. Well, that manicure was total waste of money. A helicopter attempted a water landing just off the coast of Rio this evening. Sadly, there were no survivors. Can't watch that enough! Sadly, there were no survivors. Sadly, there were no survivors. Sadly, there were no survivors. I think I have my new ring tone! (Laughs) The Organization can't clear us with the captain because the captain doesn't know The Organization exists, and you can't be cleared by something you don't know exists. Yeah. They're gonna tear Judy into a million pieces until they realize she's not Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm so mad, if I had two arms I'd strangle somebody. We gotta get of this boat and back to D. C. There's gotta be some way we can get out of here. I have an idea. Ernie, pull my finger. Now is not the time for sophomoric humor. Just pull it! KC: Okay, so, now you're down to four fingers and one arm. How is that helpful? It's a skeleton key. Huh. Well, that is helpful. Perfect. All right. All right, everybody, we made it out of the crash, everybody Okay, where is everybody? Oh, no! There's a memorial service for us! I guess we didn't make it after all. We're the walking dead! He's lucky they tore off my slapping hand. Okay, it's time to tell Beverly and let everyone know we're okay. Uh, actually, Mom, out in the jungle I saw Ernie use a leaf for toiler paper, so I won't be okay for a very long, long time. BEVERLY: For twenty years Craig and Kira gave their all to The Organization. Their accomplishments are unparalleled. All right, let's stop Beverly before she ugly-cries her mascara all over the place. Hold on. Can't we listen a little bit longer? Beverly Hasn't said anything nice about me since I don't think she's ever said anything nice about me. Well, we have been through a lot. I mean, it wouldn't hurt to hear our friends say a few nice words. Seriously? You guys need an ego boost that bad that you're willing to let people think that you're dead? That's a little sad. BEVERLY: Losing a family of agents is tough, especially when one of them was KC Cooper. She had more promise than any young agent I've ever met. On the other hand, who is it gonna hurt? Not me. I'm in. Of course, if KC wasn't instrumental in Zane's original escape from prison, none of this would have ever happened. Okay, you know what, enough is enough. KC, please! I'm enjoying this. And no one worked harder than young Ernie. Of course, he had to he was born with so few skills. Well, suddenly this is worth listening to. And lets' not forget about young Judy. Wait for it. Five million bucks down the toilet. On an unrelated note, there will no longer be complimentary bagels served in the morning. (All protest) (Clamoring continues) May the Coopers all rest in peace. And now we will hear from Kira's parents, retired agents Othello and Gayle King. (Gayle clears throat, sniffles) Zane took my Kira and her babies. Beautiful KC, smart, quirky little Ernie, and poor little Judy. (Sobs) Oh And Craig! What about Craig? And don forget that chucklehead Craig! Who I'm sure played a big part of this all going horribly wrong. Well, you were mentioned, honey. Ya happy now? Not so much. A few hours ago, Zane claimed responsibility for that helicopter going down, and declared it a victory for The Other Side. They won't get away with this! No, they won't. I want everyone on high alert. We cannot repeat this tragedy. (Sobbing) Okay, you know, this has gone too far. I'm telling my parents we're alive. No, no, Mom! We can't! KC! Did you hear what Beverly just said? Zane thinks he killed us, okay? Our best shot at capturing him is if he still thinks we're dead. GAYLE (Singing): Amazing grace How sweet the sound That saved A wretch Like me I once was lost Mm-hmm, lost. But now I'm found I was blind But now I see Mm-hmm. (Sobbing) (Sniffling) You all right, bro? It's okay. Remember, we're all right. (Crying) It's not that. I'm gonna miss the morning bagels. (Sobbing) Oh, now now stay strong, Gayle, now. That's what they would have wanted. But look at those beautiful, smiling faces. Better times. Othello. Yeah? You remember if I took my medication this morning? Mom, it's us! We're alive! We're okay! Oh! Thanks goodness! You almost scared me to Ohh! Ohhh! Are you okay? Othello. Kira: Pops? Gotcha! Now you know how it feels when someone you love tricks you into thinking they're gone. Not so nice, is it? That's messed up, Pops. I'm so happy my babies are alive and back home where they belong. Mwah! Now, who wants to head down to The Organization and tell 'em the good news? Uh, G-Grandma. Grandma, we we can't tell anyone that we're alive. Why? Has all this been some hare-brained plan Craig hatched to get out of his cell phone contract? All right, honey. Honey. Okay. No. We're staying dead so that we can take down Zane. The less people that know, the better. We can't risk anybody finding out. Our first step is to lure Zane out in the open. Any ideas? I know. We'll film a commercial advertising one of those million dollar sweepstake prizes. We'll pump it to Zane's cable system a hundred times a day until he can't help but enter the contest. Once he subscribes to the three magazines and sends in his entry form, he'll move to the semi-final rounds. Eventually we'll declare him the winner, and when he comes to collect his prize we'll jump in and grab him and put him in prison. Just one problem. We're gonna need one of those giant novelty checks. Yeah that's the one problem with that plan. You know, I have an idea to draw him out. We'll get Judy to disguise her voice as Brett's, call Zane, and then set up a meeting. Except we don't have Zane's number. Well, we would if we went with the sweepstakes plan and have him put his number on the entry form. KC: You know what? I spoke too soon, bro. That's a great idea. How about you go upstairs and get started on that big novelty check thing? Will do! All right, man. Get started. Where were we? (Phone beeping) Yes? Dad, it's Brett. Brett? I'm ready to come back home. I want to work with you, father and son, conquering the world together. Nothing would please me more, Brett. BretT's Voice: Great. How does the parking lot at the Falls Church Mall sound? I'll meet you there in an hour. ZANE: Why don't we just meet at the place where we would have your birthday party every year when you were a kid? Judy/BretT: Nice. Love that place. Big fan, big fan. Although I hear that there's a new pizza place in Georgetown that's really good. Why don't we meet there? My treat. No, I think the birthday place is safest. Great. And what corner is that on again? The same corner it's always been on. Okay. Meet you there in an hour. Lookin' forward to it. (Disconnects) All right, you need to call Brett and find out where he had his birthday parties. Okay. The plan is officially in motion. Oh, man. Now I have to void this one. Clear. Clear. Clear. All right. I tapped into the closed circuit feed. I've got eyes on the parking lot and I'll let you know when Zane arrives. Hey, where's Pops? Othello, what are you doing with that hot dog? I'm hungry. You know I can't fight on an empty stomach. Honey, your stomach Hasn't been empty for 25 years. That's because I'm still trying to digest that tuna casserole you made in 1992. It's like I swallowed a fish-flavored bowling ball. Craig: Guy, guys. Focus. Zane could be here any minute. Okay, Zane is coming alone, but he's expecting Brett. So we have the element of surprise. And knowing him, he will be armed, so I'll jump him and take his weapon. Yes. Your mother and I will subdue him. Pops, Gayle, you back us up if there's any problems. Okay. Any questions? Yeah. When are we gonna go over the plan? KC: Pops. Hmm? Turn your hearing aid up. Oh. Oh. Sorry. I'm used to turning it down when Craig starts talking. You better turn it back down, because I got a few choice words for you, old man. (Arguing) Wow. I didn't know Dad knew that word. I did. Guess you've never seen him overcook a toasty strudel. I can't believe it. We finally have a mission at a fun place for kids and then shove the only two kids in the van. They really must not trust us in there. Us? I'm in here because I only have one arm. What's your excuse? I have Zane. Repeat: Zane has arrived and he is alone. Time to bake the biscuits. Get to your positions now. Brett? Son? Where are you? Weapon secured. You're goin' down, Zane. Am I? Or are you? POPS: Whoa, hey! Craig: Easy! Easy! Easy! Whoa. Guys! There's eight enemy agents in there with laser guns! Yeah, that's for the update, Ernie. What are we supposed to do now? ZANE: Here's an idea. Drop your weapons and give up. Yeah, I'm definitely not doing that. Listen, I let you go once before, there's absolutely nothing you could say or do to make me put my weapon down. (Whistles) Marisa, are you okay? KC, I'm fine, but I'm scared. Just do something, please. Listen, you touch my friend and I swear I'll You'll what? Try to trick me again? (Chuckles) Give me some credit, KC. I'm a professional spy. When Brett agreed to meet me here, I knew something was up. Now, drop your weapons, and I'll release your big-mouth buddy. Okay, fine. Marisa, run! Oh, no. Guys, you've got company. Company? (Kids screaming with delight) I got you! Now you shoot! Okay, well, you asked for it. (Kids shriek) Whoa! Switch laser guns with me! I don't think that's a good idea, junior. I wish there was something we could do! There is. Patch me into the speaker system. (Computer beeps) We're in. Attention, kids! There's an all-you-can-eat candy bar in the lobby! Judy (Over P. A. ): And did I mention it's freeeee? (Kids shrieking) (Zane whimpering) Go ahead, KC. Let's get this over with. Hmph. After everything you put my family through, I cannot wait to eliminate you once and for all. No, KC, don't do it. I'm not going to. (Chuckles) I should have known you didn't have the guts, little girl. You and your pathetic little family. Hey, no, you didn't let this little girl finish. You know, I'm not taking you out, because that would just be doing you a favor. I'd rather you rot in a tiny cell for the rest of your miserable little life. Pathetic. Huh. You did the right thing, KC. Yeah, well, I'm about to do the wrong thing. (Zane groaning) (Sighs of relief) Guys, it's over. Yeah. We're finally safe and we do not have to worry about The Other Side anymore. Ahh. Yes. Man: The Organization, The Other Side. The Other Side, The Organization. Round and round, a chaotic circle. Well, now it's time for The Alternate.