How The Venom Trailer Should Have Ended

Venom: We will eat both of your arms, then both of your legs, then we will eat your face right off of your head. You will be this legless, armless, faceless thing, won't you? Rolling down the street. Like a turd in the wind.

Mugger: What?

Venom: Like a turd in the wind.

Mugger: What does that even mean? Nobody says turd in the wind. Did you mean leaf in the wind?

Venom: No! You mean to tell us you've never seen a turd blowing in the wind?

Mugger: No, that's not really a thing. I mean maybe at the zoo if the monkey throws it's poop.

Venom: Yes! See, like that! You will be like monkey poop in the wind.

Mugger: Nobody says that!

Venom: ... Okay, let's try something else. We will eat your arms, and your legs, and no one will find your torso... Until the pigs freeze over!

Mugger: You did it again!

Venom: What?

Mugger: You messed up the saying.

Venom: No we didn't!

Mugger: Yes you did! He did, didn't he?

Store Owner: You did. It is when pigs fly. Or when Hell freezes over.

Venom: We do not understand why you do not get our phrases! This is not rocket surgery!

Mugger: Really?

Venom: Are you correcting us again?! Do not beat a dead gift horse in the mouth!

Mugger: Wow! I think maybe just stop talking. I would be more much more terrified if you weren't talking.

Venom: Oh no no no no. You opened this can of worms now lie in it.

Mugger: Please stop.

Venom: CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAKE! AND EAT IT TOO!

Mugger: I'm... I'm done. Just kill me.

Cue title.

We cut back to see the arrival of...

Andrew Garfield Spider-Man: Hey, everyone! I heard the new Spider-Man died so I thought I'd just throw it out there. I'm available!

Venom: Not now, Spider-Man! We will burn that bridge when we get to it.

Andrew Garfield Spider-Man: I think you meant cross that bridge when we get to it.

Venom: No, we meant burn it.

The end.