Where In Time Is My Broken Heart

[We first see the Chief in her office.]

Chief: Time pilots, Carmen has stolen the Brooklyn Bridge! We need you to head to the year it was built, and bring back that bridge!

[We cut to Kevin and three time pilots.]

Kevin: You heard her, kids. We've gotta retrieve the Brooklyn Bridge. [His cellphone rings.] Uh... I've gotta take this. [He answers it.] Janine, I'm doing the show. I told you we'd talk about it later. [Janine: No, let me talk about it.] Well, I have more to say. [Janine: No, can--] No, not now! What the f**k? You want me to lose my job?! [Janine: I don't care--] Oh, nice. He's there now, isn't he? [Janine: Uh...] You motherf***ing whore! Well, then I want my jacket back! [Janine: No way!] Yes, way! It's my f***ing jacket! [Janine: It was a gift!] NO, a gift is something you give to someone you love, you dumb bitch! [Janine groans, and Kevin shuts his cellphone.] Uh... hey, kids. Uh, that was the Chief again, and, uh... she said she made a mistake. Carmen didn't steal the Brooklyn Bridge after all. She actually stole a magical leather jacket, and we need your help to get it back, so are you with me?

Time Pilot #2: What's the matte-?

Kevin: And we're off!

[We cut to Kevin driving a car with the time pilots.]

Time Pilot #2: Aren't we supposed to be answering questions?

Kevin: I'll give you a question: What year did that f***ing bitch ruin my life? Don't know? Trick question! She ruined three f***ing years of my life! Is this Franklin Street?

[We cut to Janine's house entrance, where Kevin cries in anger about his jacket.]

Kevin: You whore! I loved you, and you f***ed it all up! I gave this to you because it meant something ''stupid! ''That was the day you said you loved me! What was that day, kids?

Time Pilots: November 8th-

Kevin: November f***ing 8th! Three points for you, kids!

[We cut back to Kevin and the time pilots in the car, quiet for a moment, but then Kevin begins to cry again for 15 seconds before the screen snaps to a strip club, where a woman climbs up a pole.]

Kevin: When did firemen first start using poles?

Time Pilot #1: 1878?

Kevin: Bingo!

[We cut back to Kevin in the car while the pilots are out.]

Kevin: Hooray! Carmen is safe!

Time Pilot #3: Where are we?

Kevin: I ask the questions!

[Kevin drives off, but then crashes onto a pole, which ends the sketch.]