The Vacation Solution


 * Sheldon: They tried to make Richard Feynman take a vacation, but he chose instead to expand his mind and learn something new. He went to work in his friend's biology lab. (aside to Howard) Richard Feynman was a famous American physicist — part of the Manhattan Project.
 * Howard: Everyone in the world of science knows who Richard Feynman was.
 * Sheldon: Now you do, too.


 * Howard: Isn't that just Feynman's idea?
 * Sheldon: Ten seconds ago you never heard of him - now you're an expert.


 * Raj: Mr. Roper is dead? You can't just spring that on a guy!


 * Sheldon: (Carrying a tray of beakers) Here you go! This is now the only lab with glassware washed by a man with two doctorates and a restraining order signed by Carl Sagan.
 * Amy: (Inspects a beaker) Soap spots! Wash 'em again.
 * Sheldon: You're being ridiculous! Those are perfectly clean.
 * Amy: (Picks up a large beaker) Sheldon, this beaker used to contain cerebral spinal fluid from an elephant that died of syphilis. If it's, in fact, perfectly clean, (holds it out to him) drink from it.
 * Sheldon: (Long pause, then picks up the tray of beakers again) Biologists are mean.


 * Penny: Ha ha, you cut your thumb and fainted!


 * Sheldon: What do we start with? Slicing some genes? Clone a sheep? Perhaps grow a human ear on a mouse's back? Haha, I'm a freak! (laughs)


 * Amy: I'm excited to work with my boyfriend, it's gonna be romantic.
 * Sheldon: Way to kill the mood.


 * Amy: Are we nervous, Dr. Cooper?
 * Sheldon: No. What you see is a man trembling with confidence... Does the locus coeruleus usually bleed that much?
 * Amy: No, but your thumb does.
 * Sheldon: Oh dear! (faints)
 * Amy: Yeah, YOU'RE a biologist. (goes for first-aid kit on the wall)


 * Sheldon: I have plenty of experience in biology. I bought a Tamagotchi in 1998... And.... it's still alive.


 * Sheldon: Excuse me, but you have Doctor Cooper in your lab! Are you gonna make him do the dishes? That's like asking The Incredible Hulk to open a pickle jar.


 * Raj: No 'Hi, Raj!', no 'How are you, Raj?', just straight to 'Where's the other white guy?'


 * Penny: I’m so glad you talked Howard out of having your wedding invitations in Klingon.
 * Bernadette: Turn it over. I’m hoping my relatives think it’s Hebrew.
 * Amy: This is really happening. I’m gonna be a maid of honour. I’m gonna wear a beautiful dress and walk down that aisle and, finally, I will have my special day.
 * Bernadette: You mean my special day?
 * Amy: They’re gonna need an extra-large veil for somebody’s head.
 * Bernadette: If I ever actually ever get married.
 * Penny: Why wouldn’t you?
 * Bernadette: My dad. Because I make a lot more money than Howie, he’s putting a lot of pressure on me to get a pre-nup.
 * Penny: Ouch.
 * Bernadette: Yeah. Howie’s gonna freak out.
 * Amy: Parental pressure can be daunting. I remember the battle with my mother about shaving my legs. Last year, I finally gave in and let her do it.
 * Bernadette: I just don’t know how I’m gonna break it to him.
 * Penny: You know, I’m a big believer in breaking bad news to a guy when you’re in bed with him. That’s how I told my high school boyfriend I slept with his brother. That’s how I told his brother the same thing.
 * Bernadette: I don’t know, I don’t want to manipulate him with sex.
 * Penny: Oh, sweetie, that’s what sex is for.
 * Amy: You know, the connection between marriage and money is nothing new. In fact, the term wed referred to the money and livestock that the groom paid the bride’s father. For example, you’re adorable, intelligent and a good earner. I could conservatively see you going for at least two oxen and a goose. (To Penny) You would fetch a unicorn.


 * Leonard: What the hell are you doing?
 * Sheldon: Bleeding from my ears.
 * Leonard: What are you doing hiding back there?
 * Sheldon: I’m sneaking into work. Now, if the guard at the university asks what’s under the blanket, you tell him it’s some lobster traps.
 * Leonard: Lobster traps?
 * Sheldon: Yes. That’s how Velma and Scooby smuggled Shaggy into the old lighthouse.
 * Leonard: What are you going to do when you get to the university? People are going to recognize you.
 * Sheldon: Will they, Leonard? (Puts on cap and long-hair wig)
 * Leonard: Fine. Just get back under your blanket, and I’ll drive you there.
 * Sheldon: And no more singing.
 * Leonard: Fine.
 * Sheldon: I have GPS on my phone. I know you turned around.


 * Bernadette: Are you mad at me?
 * 'Howard': No. I’m not mad at you. I just wish you would have come to me, so I didn’t have to hear it through the nerd-vine.
 * Bernadette: So, what are we gonna do?
 * Howard: You really want me to sign a pre-nup?
 * Bernadette: I don’t know. My dad’s pretty insistent on it, though.
 * Howard: Why don’t I talk to your dad, man-to-man?
 * Bernadette: Really? Oh, that’d be so great.
 * Howard: Done.
 * Bernadette: I should probably give you a heads-up about a couple of things. Even though he’s retired from the police force, he still carries his gun. But don’t worry, he won’t shoot it. It’s more of a fashion statement.
 * Howard: Okay.
 * Bernadette: And just to be safe, when you talk to him, don’t bring up Jimmy Carter, gardeners, foreign people, homosexuals, Sean Penn, Vatican II, gun control, organic food, the designated hitter rule, recycling or the fact that you’re Jewish.
 * Howard: Got it, got it. Will you e-mail me that list?
 * Bernadette: So the thing to watch for, if he’s shouting at you, you’re okay, but if he starts to get real quiet, leave as quickly as you can without making eye contact. Not in a straight line, throw some zigs and zigs in there.
 * Howard: You know, this isn’t that pressing. Why don’t I talk to him about it in May.
 * Bernadette: In May you’re gonna be on the International Space Station.
 * Howard: They’ve got a phone.