Pinky's Turn

Now, let's see: "Cinderfella, Salmonella, Schmageggy."! Behold, Pinky, the legendary Hope Zirconium.

[Shudders]

Yes. It's worth hundreds.

Narf! I'll get it for you, Brain.

Just remember, Pinky, This room is built over a volcanic hot spot. Any vibration will set off a huge eruption.

Oh, right. Um, why don't you start it off, Brain? I mean, after all, you found it.

Oh, not at all, Pinky. Be my guest.

Please, I insist.

Oh, no, really. You--

I know, Brain. Why don't we flip a coin?

Fine, Pinky. Heads, i win.

[Rumbling]

Aah! Aah! Unh. Unh.

The curse of the Hope Zirconium Proved stronger than i thought. Without that jewel, I can't afford the satellite I need to switch the population's clock radios to permanent snooze while I take over the world.

So, make up another plan, Brain, like every other time one of your plans fails.

Obviously, Pinky, you have no idea of the planning that goes into making my intricate, multilayered stratagems.

Oh, yes, I do, Brain. First, you make a lot of tappy sounds on the computer-- Tap, tap, tap-- Then you get all mumbly and angry, And your head swells up extra big. And then you say your happy plan.

Well, if that's all there is to it, Pinky, Why don't you come up with our next plan for world domination?

Do you mean it, brain?

By all means, pinky. Make a plan, and we will follow it to the letter. The embarrassment that will inevitably follow will make you understand why I am a genius and you are-- [Pinky giggling] Someone who plays hide and seek with a sandwich.

I won't let you down, Brain. Narf! I'll get on it straight away.

Fine. I could use an evening of low comedy to take the edge off.

[Humming] Zort! All right, then, uh, lots of smelly things divided by the square root of a gummy worm. Oh, carry the fat man and, narf! Ha-ha-ha. I'm done, Brain!

I'm all ears, pinky. How do you propose we take over the world?

Ok, we'll go to a small town in the middle of nowhere and open an oyster petting zoo.

An oyster petting zoo? Are you out of your-- an oyster petting zoo it is, Pinky. Excellent idea.

And then you like it, Brain?

Uh, let's just say that i could never come up with a plan like that.

Oh, thank you, Brain!

Without a lobotomy.

Pinky's Oysterland is open for business! Nature's best-Loved shellfish yours for the petting. Come on in and meet a mollusk. Narf!

Well, Pinky, you've had one customer in 6 hours.

Yes. Isn't it exciting, Brain? Oh, by the way, You and the oysters better get over to the main stage for the 2:00 show.

Remind me, Pinky. How, exactly, do you hope to take over the world with an oyster petting zoo?

Hmm. Oh, I don't really do details, Brain. I'm more of a big picture person. Narf!

Hey there, little guy. Ooh, you're a friendly little clam, aren't ya? [Belches] Excuse me. Ahem. Hey! What do you know? Someone lost a pearl. Ooh, I better tell the manager.

Hi. Welcome to Oysterland. Hello. Welcome to Oysterland. Hello, and welcome to Oysterland.

And so, we gather here today to honor a local businessman who has made a tourist mecca of our beloved Small Town.

[Cheering]

We are, therefore, pleased to bestow upon Pinky this key to the city and the title of mayor for a day.

Oh, thank you, Telly. People of Small Town, As your mayor for today--Poit-- I hereby change the name of this town to Shiny Pants.

[Cheering]

And starting today, every citizen of shiny pants must wear uh, oh, yes! Very shiny pants.

[Cheering]

Have you ever seen so many shiny pants in one place?

Not since the last Earth, Wind and Fire tour, Pinky.

Peterson here. Tell Rupert the merger's off. Ok, now tell him it's on. Who is this? Put Connie on. Well, tell her she's fired. Now rehire her, double her salary, and fire her again! What the-- What's going on?

Can't see. Everything's shiny.

[Screaming]

What happened? I saw lights. I was falling. Could I be in Heaven?

No. You're in shiny pants.

Shiny Pants. Yes, yes, I think I belong here.

Wait a minute. Aren't you Buzz Peterson, head of Zipdyne Media and Number 7 of People Magazine's "50 most obnoxious rich people"? Not anymore. Now that I've had this experience, I know there's more to life than money and power. I know that i was meant to live right here with all of you and wear very shiny pants.

What a nice man.

What a stark raving lunatic.

I suppose I should find someone to run my company.

At the risk of being forward, I'd like to nominate myself--Ugh!

You must take over my empire. I will remain here in Shiny Pants. I'm sure I'll find my true path here.

Egad! Um I don't know, uh do you like oysters?

Yes. I love all nature's creatures now.

Um, ok. Narf!

All: Good-Bye!

I can't believe it. Pinky is now the head Of one of the world's most powerful conglomerates. Where did he go right?

Oh, Brain, isn't it exciting here at Zipdyne? Everyone is so nice, and you can play games all day long. Ha ha ha. Unh.

This is no time for games, Pinky. Think of what we can do with a news empire. Bend the truth, distort facts, withhold vital information, and create our own puppet government.

You mean like Shari Lewis?

Precisely, Pinky.

Too late, Brain. Ha ha. I got rid of all those news thingies.

You what?! Pinky, World News Weekly is the most influential magazine in the country.

Oh, it's boring, Brain. That's why I changed it to Colorful Hairband Magazine.

No. Pinky, please tell me you didn't touch The 24-Hour news channel.

Of course not, Brain.

Oh, thank goodness.

Oh, except that now it's 24 hours of jug band music. You know, I'm surprised you didn't hear about it, Brain. It was in all the news-- Oh, ha ha ha. No, I suppose it wasn't. Narf!

I don't understand. I was sure the all-news network would be covering the election in Liechtenstein.

Whoo! Doggy! Hey, I'll tell you what. This skinny fella can sure enough blow a jug. Hill, honey, come take a look at this.

Not now, Bill. I'm busy.

Excuse me, Mr.President. Federal reserve chairman Bluespan just resigned. You need to choose a replacement right away.

Well, hey! Why don't we get the fella who came up with this? I mean, he could be chairman of anything.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen of the press, I give you the new head of the federal reserve board, Pinky.

[Reporters all speaking at once]

Um, whoa, um you, with the pouty face.

Uh, Chairman Pinky, what is your philosophy regarding the nation's currency policy?

Um... I like Fruit Wigglies.

[Chattering]

And on Wall Street today, Fruit Wigglies futures went through the roof on word that Fed Chairman Pinky had a fondness for the chewy confections.

How, Pinky? How is it that my beautifully crafted plans to take over the world never succeed, while you say the first thing that comes into your head And wind up changing the nation's monetary policy?

Well, actually, I don't say the first thing that comes into my head, Brain. I say the second thing, because the first thing that comes into my head is usually-- Oh! A large, painful welt.

Tell me where you get your ideas, Pinky, so that- the words feel hot in my throat- So that I can be more... like... you.

Well, hmm, let's see. I guess I got the oyster idea from when you tried to breed that hypnotic Japanese fish. And, I suppose, the shiny pants was like when you put a huge mirror at the North Pole to make the sun go in everyone's eyes. And that time you tried to broadcast the music of Rush Limbaugh throughout the world gave me the jug band idea.

Pinky, do you realize what you're saying?

Yes. You come up with a lot of silly ideas, Brain. Ha ha ha! Narf!

No, Pinky. Don't you see? You're saying that all your ideas were mine. Yes, you changed a detail here and there, but your only real contribution was your sheer dumb luck. Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so, Brain, but if it was only supposed to be a 3-Hour tour, Why did the Howells bring all their money? Aah!

No, Pinky. We will combine your luck and my genius to finish the job of taking over the world! First, you'll call another press conference and tell the press you don't like satellites, thus lowering the price of satellites to mere pennies. Then, I will customize a satellite So we can relaunch my plan To disable the snooze alarms on every clock radio in the world.

Brilliant, Brain. Then can we do my plan to go to the U.S. Mint and print dollars with Bronson Pinchot's face on them?

I make the plans now, Pinky, and this one can't miss. There's only one problem. I'm afraid this satellite will only work on clock radios with a bandwidth modulation of 3.2 megahertz.

Is that bad, Brain?

Not really, Pinky. You'll just hold another press conference to say you like that type of clock radio, thereby causing everybody to purchase them. And to make sure nothing goes wrong, I'll be in your ear the entire time.

Ok, Brain. It might be a tight squeeze at first, But it's very roomy further in.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Brain: All right, Pinky. Let's begin.

[Whispers] Right, Brain. Um, hello, everyone. I have a very important announcement to make. It seems that-

Brain: I really like clock radios With a bandwidth modulation of 3.2 megahertz.

I really like clock radios with a...

Bandwidth modulation...

Sandwich population...

No! I like clock radios with a bandwidth modulation...

Pinky: No, I like, uh, clock radios with a Spanish language station, uh, panda bear sensation, pants with palpitations, No! Candlestick relations. No, no! You dimwit! Stop it now! Just stop it! Pull out the panthom! Pull out the clear slug!

Why did I come up with this plan? I am such an idiot!

I am such an idiot!

Reporters: He just said idiot!

President: And stay out!

[Screams] Unh. Unh. Unh.

Hillary: And take this with you.

Well, Pinky--Unh! Today we've discovered a force more powerful than luck or genius.

What's that, Brain?

Stupidity.

Good, brain. Zort! Maybe we can use that tomorrow night.

Oh? What are we going to do tomorrow night, Pinky?

The same thing we do every night, Brain. Try and take over the, uh...

World.

World, yes!

They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain.