The Man

Granny Jojo's Birthday Surprise

 * ,, , and : Happy birthday!
 * : Come on, Granny Jojo. Blow out your candles!
 * : Yeah. I prefer my face medium-rare, not charr-grilled.
 * : Why are there so many candles? I'm only 63.
 * : Sorry. We didn't know exactly how old you were, so we based it on looks. Do you need some help blowing them out?
 * : Kid, I raised your dad by myself. It's not the first time I've had to put out a fire.
 * : I think it's time for a toast. [Eats literal toast] Thank you.
 * : And now for your birthday surprise.
 * : The alphabet of my mom. "A" is for "Amazing" 'cause that's what you are. "B" is for "Breakfast", one of my twelve favorite mealtimes and because you're amazing, mom. "C" is for…
 * : Nicole, I just wanted to say that you look really average today.
 * : Oh Yeah!? Well you look like someone drew an ugly face on a butt with a-wait, what? Did you jet say "Average"? That's gotta be the least offensive thing you've ever said to me. You need to lie down…
 * : Yeah, and you gave us real candy instead of your expired fungus medication-
 * : And your face looks wrong. It's like your mouth is upside down-
 * : It's almost as if you're…smiling.
 * : …why? Because I like them. And "Z" is for "Zebra", an amazing mythical creature. But not as amazing as you, mom.
 * : Thank you, Richard. Like every year, that was a nice surprise. And while we're on the topic, I also have a surprise for all of you.
 * : Surprise!
 * : Sorry sir, we already got a surprise here. We don't need anymore.
 * : Nice to meet you-
 * : This is Louie, he's my boyfriend.
 * : Thank you, Richard. Like every year, that was a nice surprise. And while we're on the topic, I also have a surprise for all of you.
 * : Surprise!
 * : Sorry sir, we already got a surprise here. We don't need anymore.
 * : Nice to meet you-
 * : This is Louie, he's my boyfriend.
 * : This is Louie, he's my boyfriend.
 * : This is Louie, he's my boyfriend.

Reviving Richard

 * : Dad, are you alright?
 * : What's with the voice?
 * : I don't know. It just felt appropriate.
 * : Dad, wake up!
 * : Get the first-aid kit!
 * : Clear!
 * : Clear!
 * : Clear!

Some Issues

 * : IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SHARE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SHARE IT WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY!
 * : To be honest with you, I have no idea what he said. My hearing isn't what it used to be.
 * : Me neither! I was just laughing, and hoping it wasn't a question.
 * : We got so much in common.
 * : Yeah, we're both falling apart.
 * : So, Louie. What career plans do you have?
 * : Um, none.
 * : HA HA! This guy has no prospects!
 * : Actually, I'm retired.
 * : Come on Nicole! Laugh at him with me.
 * : Come on kids! Say something mean and ironic about him.
 * : No? Fine, I'll do it myself. Where did you retire from? Santa's factory? Because you're small! [Laughs] Burn! [Laughs, then covers face] Why did you steal my mom!?
 * : Uh…is it me, or is the atmosphere a little-
 * : Heavy!
 * : Well, that was very nice. Catch you later, cotton tail.
 * : Get out of my house!
 * : Uh…he just did.
 * : Now get out of my house!
 * : You're the one who dragged me back here, son.
 * : Call me son one more time! I dare you! I DOUBLE-DARE YOU! You MOTHER ROBBER! Kids, come over here.
 * : Okay, you grab this arm [Gumball takes his arm]. Now you take my leg. [Darwin takes it] LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM! You're walking in here, or you'll end up on a mobility scooter for the rest of your life! LET ME AT HIM!
 * : That's right, faster! Faster, old man!
 * : I'm trying! But this thing takes 20 minutes to go from 0 to 8 miles an hour.
 * : What is father gonna show when he comes back?
 * ,, , and : Father?
 * : Yeah. You said he left to buy some milk 42 years ago. He could be back in any minute!
 * ,, , and : Uh-
 * : What?
 * : Let me explain something-
 * : No, let ME explain something. I don't want you to see that guy anymore!
 * : Well, I don't think it's for you to decide, young man!
 * : When you're under my roof, you follow my rules old lady!
 * : I don't think anyone should follow your twelve-times-a-day rule.
 * : Richard, I'm old enough to make my own rules, and I'm seeing Louie TONIGHT!
 * : Go to your room! YOU'RE Grounded!
 * : You go to your room! YOU'RE Grounded!
 * and : FINE!
 * : How long before they realize neither of them went in the direction of a bedroom?
 * : What?
 * : Let me explain something-
 * : No, let ME explain something. I don't want you to see that guy anymore!
 * : Well, I don't think it's for you to decide, young man!
 * : When you're under my roof, you follow my rules old lady!
 * : I don't think anyone should follow your twelve-times-a-day rule.
 * : Richard, I'm old enough to make my own rules, and I'm seeing Louie TONIGHT!
 * : Go to your room! YOU'RE Grounded!
 * : You go to your room! YOU'RE Grounded!
 * and : FINE!
 * : How long before they realize neither of them went in the direction of a bedroom?
 * : How long before they realize neither of them went in the direction of a bedroom?
 * : How long before they realize neither of them went in the direction of a bedroom?

Granny Jojo's "Hot" Date

 * : Gumball.
 * : [Gasps] Oh wait, this is clearly a nightmare. Nothing could be this ugly in real life.
 * : We helped Granny Jojo make herself pretty for Louie. What do you think?
 * : Huh. What do you know? [Screams hysterically]
 * : Yeah, I agree with you. But this is the best we could do short of a face transplant.
 * : She looks like a haunted christmas!
 * : We were hoping you could help us out.
 * : Well how 'bout we start with a longer dress? I don't think we should see her legs, they remind me of processed ham. Actually, have you tried a bag over her head?
 * : Yeah, we tried that first. But she needed to breath in these holes and then you could see bits of her.
 * : Oh, I got an idea. [Switches off light]
 * : Okay, that's enough! [Switches on light] Are you kids gonna help me sneak out, or what?
 * : U-uh I don't know, Granny Jojo. I-I really don't want to come between you and dad. It'd be like getting caught between a saggy rock, and a fat sweaty place.
 * : Oh, Gumball. If you could only understand the meaning of true love. The yearning to be one with another soul. To hold him tightly in your arms-
 * : Please stop, I'm getting a mental picture. It's really high-def.
 * : Hear him whisper in your ear: I love you, I love you-
 * : Fine! Fine! We'll do it! Just please stop talking.
 * : Is your grandma in?
 * : Yeah, she'll be right down.
 * : It's not long enough. What else can we use?
 * : Kids, close your eyes.
 * : Oh man! I can't believe how big granny's girdle is.
 * : I can't believe I'm touching it with my bare hands.
 * : I can't believe I'm genetically predestined to wear one some day.
 * : Okay, enough chit-chat. Help me up. I don't wanna break a leg before my hot date.
 * : What the weight? How can someone so small be so heavy?
 * : Well I have two metal hips, one orthopedic shoe, six gold teeth, a plate in my head, and an industrial-strength pacemaker. I got so much metal in me I'm legally classified as a motorized vehicle. Anyway, where's the rope?
 * : Didn't I tell you to tie the end to something?
 * : Didn't I tell you to tie the end to something?
 * : Didn't I tell you-
 * : Oh, sorry. My bad. I didn't tell anyone to tie it.
 * : We need another plan.
 * : Well I have two metal hips, one orthopedic shoe, six gold teeth, a plate in my head, and an industrial-strength pacemaker. I got so much metal in me I'm legally classified as a motorized vehicle. Anyway, where's the rope?
 * : Didn't I tell you to tie the end to something?
 * : Didn't I tell you to tie the end to something?
 * : Didn't I tell you-
 * : Oh, sorry. My bad. I didn't tell anyone to tie it.
 * : We need another plan.
 * : We need another plan.

In Nicole and Richard's Bedroom

 * : Oh Richard, you can't stop her from seeing Louie. Remember what we were like when we fell in love...
 * : "I" is for "Incredible" 'cause that's what you are. "J" is for-
 * : Nicole, where are you?
 * : Quick! Dad's coming.
 * : I'm oka-
 * : Of course I remember. The doctor couldn't remove one of the strings. [Plucks a string inside himself]
 * : Richard, your mother's never been this happy…or nice. I don't want you to ruin that.
 * : Alright, I'll speak with her.
 * : Of course I remember. The doctor couldn't remove one of the strings. [Plucks a string inside himself]
 * : Richard, your mother's never been this happy…or nice. I don't want you to ruin that.
 * : Alright, I'll speak with her.

Gumball's Rube Goldberg Machine

 * : Alright! So the plan is we knock over the DVDs, which sets off the mouse trap, which sends the golf ball up there, which sets off the dominos, which sets off the toy car, which will switch on the fan, which will send the turtle to the rope, which will bite it, dropping the desk, propelling Granny Jojo through the window and she uses her bloomers to land safely in Louie's arm. Everybody ready?
 * : Maybe we could just open the front door.
 * : Maybe we could just open the front door.
 * : Maybe we could just open the front door.

More Issues

 * : Ah, thanks kid. Hello, cotton tail.
 * : No!
 * : Well, That's that face ruined.
 * : Get away from my mom, get out of our lives! I am the man of this house!
 * : Well [Removes short] It seems there's only one way to settle this.
 * : Uh. Please don't lower your standards, and demonstrate your manhoods in physical confrontation.
 * : You're right Granny Jojo. A man-off is a great idea!
 * : I was gonna say we could settle this by sitting down, and having a calm, reasonable conversation.
 * : I was gonna suggest rock, paper, scissors!
 * : Okay. Then man-off it is!
 * : I was gonna say we could settle this by sitting down, and having a calm, reasonable conversation.
 * : I was gonna suggest rock, paper, scissors!
 * : Okay. Then man-off it is!

The Man-Off

 * : A man eats meat with his fingers. A man doesn't need to wash his pants to really stand up by themselves. A man scratches whatever part of his body he likes in public, and shows no shame! A man drinks straight from the milk carton. When he spills some on the floor, he cleans it with his sock. So, it'll be hard to figure out who of you two is the best man! But, we will give it our manly best. Gentlemen! Your first trial will be…hair-growing.
 * : Oh, well I've won.
 * : What-how?
 * : Kid, I'm 72 years old. I need to shave 17 times a day. Just while you were talking, my nose hair reached my bottom lip.
 * : And the winner is Louie!
 * : What!? What about my sole patch?
 * : Psst.
 * : Next round: Man washing!
 * : [Announcing] Man sitting!
 * : [Announcing] Man cooking!
 * : Ugh, it's rare!
 * : That's how a man eats.
 * : That's not rare, this is!
 * : [Announcing] Man whistling!
 * : Ha! I could do it better with only one finger. [Chokes on finger]
 * : [Announcing] Man dancing!
 * : That was a trick question. A real man doesn't dance.
 * : Ugh, it's rare!
 * : That's how a man eats.
 * : That's not rare, this is!
 * : [Announcing] Man whistling!
 * : Ha! I could do it better with only one finger. [Chokes on finger]
 * : [Announcing] Man dancing!
 * : That was a trick question. A real man doesn't dance.
 * : [Announcing] Man dancing!
 * : That was a trick question. A real man doesn't dance.
 * : That was a trick question. A real man doesn't dance.

The Feelings, The Bad Father and The Good Son

 * : And for the final challenge: sharing your emotions!
 * and : What???
 * : [Evil laugh] Yes! All of this was a trick to make you confront man's deepest, darkest fear: talking about your feelings.
 * : [Scoffs] Well that's a waste of time, there's nothing to talk about.
 * : Oh Richard, what about your dad? I thought you understood he didn't really go to get milk?
 * : I know…I know. It's just that I really…r-really…
 * : I know, I know. I liked him too. It's just…he felt otherwise. Come on, just let it all out.
 * : Come on, kid. That's it.
 * : [Stops crying] It's just, I'm worried that you'll like Louie better than me- [Sniffs] And then-and then I'll lose you too. [Sniffs]
 * : [Kisses him on cheek] Don't be sillier than you already are. Your brain might stall once, and for all.
 * : You know, I want you to be happy too. LOUIE! [Hugs] From now on, I'll call you daddy!
 * : Um [Clears throat] A lot of weather we've been having lately.
 * : Are you gonna be okay, dad?
 * : Yes, sweetie. There comes a time when in your life, you have to grow up, and become a man.
 * : Um [Clears throat] A lot of weather we've been having lately.
 * : Are you gonna be okay, dad?
 * : Yes, sweetie. There comes a time when in your life, you have to grow up, and become a man.
 * : Yes, sweetie. There comes a time when in your life, you have to grow up, and become a man.