Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers

Set dresser to the stage. Check lights. Hey, where's that turtle with my narrator? Singing, singing, singing, singing all day long When I'm singing, there is nothing that is wrong Musketeers, hey! Talent to the set, please. We're live in sixty seconds. Sixty seconds! Where's the narrator? Monsieur Narrator. Monsieur Narrator! M-m-monsieur! Monsieur, it is time! Monsieur. Pardonnez-moi. But today is the day, right, monsieur? Because you promised I can sing my songs... about the musketeers, right? All for one... But, monsieur, you promised. Oh, no, no. No, no, no. Monsieur. Monsieur. Monsieur, wait! Wait! The stage is... This way. Let's have some quiet, people. Five seconds to air. Cue music. And... action! What's that turtle doing? Where's the narrator? We're live. Just go with it. Hey, you. Don't just sit there like a turtle. Do something! You 're on camera! For crying out loud, say something! Allo. Tell the story. Today, I will tell you the story of... "The Three Musketeers"! This is my favourite version... the one with pictures. And, of course, my songs. Our story begins... in the gutter... where poor young street urchins Mickey, Donald, and Goofy... struggled to survive. Zut alors! Bad guys. Will anyone defend these innocent children? Anyone! Anyone! Anyone! Well, anyone? The royal musketeers! Yes! And after the dust settles... a kindly musketeer gives Mickey a gift. Don't worry, Mickey. You 'll grow into it. From that day on, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy... dreamed of being great musketeers. But as the years passed... their dream was still as far away as ever. You see, before their dream can come true... our three heroes must learn the real meaning... of the musketeer creed... all for one and one for all! And I just happen to have a song about this! All for one, hey! All for one and one for all Musketeers sing All for one and one for all If you dare to Cross our path, prepare to fall 'Cause we'll fight you All for one and one for all And all for one and one for all And all for one and all So, if you think you 'd care to Kick some derriere, you Know that as a musketeer, you 'd be so fearsome If you believe you 're manly Come and join our family Soon we'll make sure you 're a musketeer Look at them, fellas. That's gonna be us out there someday. I just know it. I can't wait. Yeah. Me, too. All for one, all men of honour, hear my call Musketeers sing all for one and one for all All for one, hey, all for one and one for all All for one and all for one and one for all And all for one and one for all And all for one and all All for one and one for all! Yes, sir. Janitors today, musketeers tomorrow. Hey, my lucky musketeer hat. Oh, thanks, boy. Remember when the musketeers gave me this hat, Pluto? They even autographed it. See? I can't wait to be a great big hero. Careful, Goofy. Sorry, Mickey. I can't wait to be a musketeer, neither... 'cause I got plenty of good ideas. The musketeers can use a clever fella like me. Yipe! Hey, Donald, how about you? Are you kidding? Musketeers need guys like me that are brave! Yeah, and they need guys that are brave, too. That's what I said... brave. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sirree. I've been looking forward to this all month. Maybe I can sand it out. Almost... A... I'm adorable, B... I'm so beautiful What? Almost... got it. I got it! Goofy, look out! Captain Pete. Now listen, you yardsticks. I am sick and tired of your screw-ups. You guys are hopeless. I leave you for five minutes... and I come back to a disaster! Well, we were practising our teamwork... so we can be good musketeers. Musketeers? That's priceless. But we could work really hard... and prove ourselves, Captain Pete... and then would you let us be musketeers? Well, there's three things wrong with that. One... You 're a coward. Two... We're sorry. The number you 've reached has been disconnected. You 're a doofus. And, as for you... well, you 're just too small. Why, I wouldn't have you yahoos as musketeers... even if you were the last recruits... in all of my beloved France! So, you won't need this, will you? Yeah. Here, kid. Have a ball. Have a ball! That's a good one! I'm going to send that one in to the Digest. He loves me. He loves me... a lot. He loves me. He loves me even more. He loves me. Pardon me, Your Highness... you 're kind of mangling that flower. Who's the... lucky guy? My one true love. I'll find him someday. He's out there. I just know it. This fantasy man... do you happen to know if he's royalty? Does it matter? Well, as you know... someone of your royal stature must be courted... by a gentleman of royal blood. What a royal pain. Your highness, you 're gonna have... to pick someone sooner or later. I mean, tick-tock, huh? Daisy, I can't pick someone I'm not in love with. You want love? Buy a dog. Besides, the perfect guy... isn't gonna just walk through the door... and even if he does... how are you gonna know he's the one? I'll know. Just imagine. He'll stride into the room. A light will glow from him. I'll hear music. He'll bring me flowers. He'll sweep me off my feet. And I'll know he's the one when he makes me laugh. Your majesty, forgive me for saying so... but that sounds... just lovely. Trust me, Daisy. I'll know him when I see him. Why... bonjour. A romantic princess deserves a romantic song, no? Just around the corner, seeking you Puppy love is tripping lightly into view Hiding in the hedgerows Sneaking up on tiptoes Love's first kiss is blissfully About to capture you Just around the corner, wafting close Love is creeping nearer than you might suppose So sit still and wait now Let love choose your fate now Take a pause, don't run because It's right behind you Let love find you Young love It's love, love, love, love, love Love so lovely What can you say to love But love? Maybe on the rooftops, climbing high Somewhere just above you, love is hovering by Love is in a rush to Smear you, smash you, smush you Love will crush you into mush When you 're the bull's-eye, you 'll get hit by Young love Your first, your only love Love so... Excuse me. Your Grace? How can you stand it so... Your Highness! Who's gonna tell the bloomin' boss the bad news? Don't look at me. I ain't saying nothing. You tell him. Me? I told him last time, you silly twit. And I don't believe in doing it twice. Oy, here's an idea. Shorty, you tell him. Tell him what? That we... you know, botched the job. He's not going to like that. Hello there. It don't look good... when only one shows up. Does it, small fry? Blimey. I can't hear nothing but step, clop, step, clop. Have a gander at monstro's better side. He has something to tell you, boss. It better be good news. Well, we did exactly what you said to do... and dropped a safe on the princess. You what? I didn't say, "Drop a safe," you dolt. I said, "Keep her safe." Well, that's good... because we missed her. Now listen, you mutts. I got a plan. And it ain't to kill the princess. It's to kidnap her. The opera... it's tomorrow night. The princess has got to be gone by then... or I can't become king. I... don't get it. Lieutenant Clarabelle! Oui, oui, mon capitaine. You bellowed? Throw these clowns into the pit! Oui, oui! Le pit! - No! - Not that! Anything but le pit! Bon voyage... losers. Not so bad. Bonjour. Pete's secret lair. Clarabelle speaking. The princess?! All for one All men of honour, hear the call Musketeers sing all for one and one for all Your Highness. So glad you could grace us with your royal omnipresences. I want bodyguards! Musketeer bodyguards. Villains, bad guys run in fear When they see the musketeers Savin' Minnie is our duty Mess with her, we'll kick your... Ouch. Bodyguards. Absolutely. Let me check my schedule here. How about next Thursday? How about ten minutes? At the palace! Get me bodyguards, Captain Pete! Pancakes, cornflakes, scrambled eggs Buttered toast and apple jam Tonight it's meat, I hope it's spam Goofy! Slow down! Princess, you 're in luck. Have I got the men for you. Well, I hope so. Thanks to your incompetence... this whole thing has been a pain in the neck! I'll show you a pain in the neck. Oh, boy. Hey, Donald. Don't worry about what Captain Pete said. Cheer up. I'm sure there's some way... we can become musketeers. We can? Hey, Goof, you know we can prove Pete's wrong about us... if we just work hard and stick together. You really think so? Hey, have I ever let you down? Have I? Have I? Have I? No. Just imagine, guys. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow... but someday Captain Pete's gonna march in here and say... Congratulations, boys! You passed the test. I've been watching you three... and I'll tell you what. You guys have got what it takes to be musketeers! Really? You mean it? Cross my heart. Oh, boy! Hey, fellas! We're gonna be musketeers! Musketeers! Musketeers! I knew we had what it takes. 'Cause we're clever. And brave. And together we are gonna be great big heroes. What do you say, men? All for one... And two for tea! Well, we'll work on it. Hup, deux, trois, quatre. Hup, deux, trois, quatre. Hup, deux, trois, quatre. Hup, deux, trois, quatre. Company... halt! Stay here whilst I go schmooze Princess what's-her-name. Wow. This is it, guys. This is what we've been waiting for all our lives. Now, when these doors open... we've got to make a great first impression. OK. Remember, fellas, we're on duty... and this place could be crawling with bad guys. Bad guys?! So stay alert! You heard him. Stay alert! Aye, aye, sir. Bad guy! No! Goofy! Gosh. He pulled an ax on me. Your Royal Highness, I have never, ever had... a more highly skilled group of gentlemen... than the individuals which I present to you today. Seems like this is gonna take a while. I'll go get you a little snack. It took my highly trained eye to see their true potential. Yes. Well, France thanks you and your eye very much. Well, then it is without further ado... that I present, for your complete safety... and protection... your musketeers! Just imagine. He'll stride into the room. Light will glow from him. I'll hear music. He'll bring me flowers. And he'll sweep me off my feet. And I'll know he's the one when he makes me laugh. Your Majesty, it's time to cut the cheese. What? Here we are. Roquefort, anyone? - Knife! - Bad guy! Grab her! Oh, no. Help! Unhand her! Release her! Stop it! Drop her! She is my lady-in-waiting! You 'll have to forgive them, Your Highness. They're like a well-oiled machine... that's wound just a little too tight. We're sorry, Your Grace. We thought she was a villain. I don't think so. I see. Well, then... I feel safer already. Oh, no. When the bad guy is that happy, it always, always means... Bad-guy song! I was born to cheat and lie I'm a mean, rotten guy When you ask me why I'm nasty Here's my reason why At that stork delivery, Mommy screamed "Woe is me, such a dork" "Hey, Mr Stork, behold my misery" "Pete is ghastly, Pete's a blob" "Pete's a nasty, naughty slob" Can it, sister, I'm the mister who will get the job So I'm nasty, I'm no good, I'll be king, knock on wood I'll impress ya, though I'm just a common lowly hood, ha! If you can't be loved, be feared Don't get shoved, sheep get sheared Be the king, pull the strings Or else you might get smeared I'm so happy I could dance, seize my chance, I'll advance Come and cheer me, love and fear me Petey's king of France, ha ha Evening, trusted lieutenant. Watch out for the bricks. What? Come and cheer me, love and fear me Petey's king of France Why'd the music stop? Hello, boys. Think you might have some spare time... to go and snatch the princess? Yeah, I think. Well, quit thinking and do it! The opera's tomorrow night! The job's got to be done by then! Remember? How can we help? I want you to grab her, find a remote tower somewhere... and lock her away forever... so as no one can ever find her again! You got me, dingbats? Sure thing, boss. Isn't this musketeering stuff great? You bet! Isn't it romantic, Daisy... being protected by three dashing musketeers? And the little one is so handsome. Yeah... he's kind of cute and all... but you 're forgetting something. They're musketeers, commoners, non-college-bound. You know what that means. Our love is... forbidden? Bingo. A forbidden love. How romantic. Bad guys! Bad guys! Bad guys? Yikes! OK, you. En garde. En garde? French words make me mad! Get out there and fight, you coward! You fellas seen any bad guys around here? Ooh. How about this bad guy? Goofy! Hit the road, tiny. Mickey! Princess! Now how are we going to protect the princess? Protect the princess? Are you kidding? It's hopeless. We failed. Hopeless? Failed? There, there, pal. Here. Blow. Well, I don't think we're hopeless. Listen, Captain Pete has faith in us. He does? I mean, he does! Pete made us musketeers, remember? Yeah! We're musketeers! That's right, just like we dreamed when we were kids. So, what do you say? Are we a team? Count me in, Mickey! Me, too! Me, too! We're off to save the princess! No obstacle too big! Yeah! No danger too great! You said it! Together, we'll save the princess or die trying! Die? Die? Hey, Goof, this door won't budge! Let me give it a go! Hey, Goof, wait. I got it... What the heck was that? Door's open. Oy, what we do about them musketeers? We's 87 floors up. It'll be hours before they's on us. Hold it right... there. You... fiends! Sling them birds in their cage. Your Highness! Let's have a bit of fun with these blighters, eh? Let's get 'em! Stop. Let the girls go. You feel lucky, ducky? Hang about. Is that Halley's comet? Halley's comet! Where? Let me go! Let me go! I'll slice you to ribbons! What the... My sword! Goofy, we got to do something quick... or the princess is done for. It's all over. Looks like you blokes got in over your heads... What are you planning, Goof? I got an idea. You with me? You bet. Hot soup, coming through! That was a bit of a barney, wasn't it? Did we do it? Yeah! We did it! The three of us did it! All for one and... Wait. Where's Donald? We did it? Well, alright! Hurray! We did it! Let me just... Kind of tight. Oops. Mickey made her laugh... so she knew he was the one. But will their love bloom on the way back to Paris? Perhaps... if I sing them a song. Afloat on the breeze On wings of love Like birds and like bees Sweet wings of love The first day we met On wings of love We watched the sun set Sweet wings of love And if by some chance Some twist of fate We're chasing romance It's not too late It's heaven's design, you 'll be mine Hands entwined on wings of love Of love A real-life fairy tale Fairy tale Down the streams of life we sail Life we sail And our world in twilight gleams Twilight gleams Like the light in your eyes Inside my dreams Your whisper lightly tickling my ear It's Paris, ah, in the spring Spring, spring, spring, spring I feel so giddy, one thing is clear You stir my heart to sing Don't take your hand from mine Hand from mine Just hold tight until you find You 're the light I'm dreaming of Dreaming of And I'm waiting for you on wings of love Bonne nuit. Waiting for you on wings... Lovely little wings Of love On wings of love Ah, young love. I got a problem! Those three chowderheads have proven tougher than I thought. Yeah? So? So quit hanging around. We've got a change of plans, see. Now we're gonna have to pull the switcheroo... tomorrow night... at the opera. That little ditty is starting to grow on me. Now listen. To get to the princess... we're gonna have to pick those guys off one by one. Mickey and Minnie Mouse. Look, Daisy. Mickey and I have the same last name. Well, it must be destiny. Good thing destiny doesn't control my love life. What do you mean? Well, look at me. If it did... I'd get stuck with Mister... Two, three... four. Two, three... four. Bad guys. Attention, Musketeer Goofy. Mickey, is that you? Yes, Musketeer Goofy. I am in need of your assistance. You sure are talking funny. I was eating escargot and peanut butter. Hey, save some for me! Over here. Follow me, Goofy. Mickey! You 're almost there. Mickey! Doggone! Where'd he go? Mickey! Mickey! Quack, two, three, four. Quack, two, three... Quack! Hello, handsome. What the... - Booga booga! - Booga booga! Booga booga booga booga booga! Beat it, you guys. I told you twits these Pete masks wouldn't work. Let's go to plan "B." Hey, you 're the bad guys! Don't move! What's going on? Captain Pete! I'm in such a good mood. Come back here, you little bird beak! Pluto. Pluto, slow down, boy. What is it? Whoa! Hey, where's Goofy? Donald! Something strange is going on here. Who's there? You better come out of there, or I'm coming in after you! Donald? What's the big idea? Come down from there! Why aren't you at your post? We got to get Goofy and get out of here! Goofy? Where is he? He's not at his post either. Oh, no! He's already got Goofy! Wait! Who's got Goofy? Donald... stop! Donald, are you nuts? What's going on? Pete is gonna kidnap Princess Minnie... so he can become king because he's really a bad guy... and he has a secret lair, and it's really dark and scary! So the point is... he's gonna kill us if we get in his way! So we should run now as far away as we can! Donald, I can't understand a word you say. No! Put me down! Whoa! We can't leave our posts like this! What would Captain Pete say? Captain Pete is the bad guy! Captain Pete is the bad guy? What? Pete's trying to kidnap the princess? Exactly! But he made us musketeers. It was all a lie. A lie? Well, lie or no lie... musketeers don't run from danger... and as long as we wear these uniforms... neither do we. You said it! It's every duck for himself. Donald, wait! Together, we can stop Captain Pete. Remember how we rescued the princess? I was hiding. Hiding? Well... tonight, you came back to warn us... and that took courage, Donald. Come on. I'll be right beside you... because we're friends. I just can't. I'm sorry. Donald! Donald. Thanks, boy. What is it? What is it, boy? Well, well, well. If it ain't the one musketeer. Captain Pete, by the power vested in me as a musketeer... I arrest you, mister! That's a good one! Well, how about this? By the power invested in my fist, I clobber you! Hey there! Hi there! Ho there! You 're as welcome as can be Oopsie. I am such a butterfingers. Hey! Put me down! Don't make me have to whoop you! OK, fine. Just hold still, you runt. It looks like this is the end of the line. Think so? My pals will be right behind us. Oh, sure. The duck dumped you. Remember? Well... Goofy then! The goof? He's getting fitted for a halo. No, no, no. Yes, yes, yes! Face it, Mickey... it's all for one... and you are on your own! Enjoy your brief stay here at the Mont St. Michel. You know, they say the tide comes in faster than horses! So long, runt! I got me tickets to the opera... a little something called... "I Just Can't Wait to be King." This is it, handsome. Get ready for the big sleep, the river of no return... the long day's journey into night. Gosh. Your sweet voice is music to my ears. Your chains of love now hold me tight Your bovine beauty makes my heart take flight You will not change my mind one smidge I'm going to drop you screaming off this bridge Clarabelle, you drive me nuts! His love's so sweet, his love's so blind Poor Goof... You have to kill him Poor grunge Farewell Take the plunge My milkmaid miss, you charm my soul You leave me utterly beyond control Call me a goof, but one thing's clear Your melodious moo is music to my ears He's no Don Juan He's not real smart And yet he's touched my little cowhide heart He loves my moo, my cow-like gaze His numskull charm Has set my heart Ablaze Hurry, my love. You don't have much time. Your friend Mickey is in dire peril. No, he's not. He's in the musketeers. I mean he's in danger. I'll be a musketeer when cows fall from the sky. What? We're coming, Mickey! Put me down! Put me down! Goofy! Pete's gonna kill us! Pete or no Pete, Mickey's our pal... and we got to save him. All for one and one for all. Remember? I know it's the most hideous... house of torture in all of France... but we're going in there! Gosh, Pluto. Could this be the end of the three musketeers? This is the end This is the end That Donald Duck has left poor Mickey Mouse to drown And Goofy trusted him, but Donald let him down We all berate him because we hate him He is a traitor, vacillator He's a lousy second-rater Mangy mallard, he's a coward Donald's destiny has soured, it's the end I'll show you, dirty tortoise! That way, tiger. Wait for me! Thanks for the song. Donald! Come on! We've got to save Mickey! We're coming, Mickey! Mickey. Mickey? Mickey, come back to us, pal. I think he's coming out of it. Donald? Goofy? Pete told me you were a goner. Shucks. I ain't... ...Going nowhere without you, Mick. Hey! Aw, pal. You came back. Aw... of course I did. We wouldn't let you down, Mick. We're your friends. Yeah. Come on. We've got to save the princess. Don't you remember? All for one... Yeah. Aw, fellas, we're not even real musketeers. Not real musketeers? Who says so? Listen, Donald might be a big chicken... Hey! And you 're just a little guy... and I ain't no genius, but I know one thing. When the three of us stick together... We can do anything. And not Pete... Or nobody else can stop us! Musketeers, we've got a princess to rescue. Come on, Goof! Come on, Donald! I'm right behind you! Princess Minnie. Your Grace. Captain Pete? Bonjourney, princess. Where are my bodyguards? I'll be your bodyguard tonight, sweet cheeks. This is an outrage! No. It's my nefarious plan to steal the throne. Does this crown make my ears look big? You know what to do. Righty-o, boss. Look! There it is! OK, shortstop, do your stuff. Attention, my loyal subjects. Due to the stress of princessing... my duties have become too overwhelming... for a delicate flower such as myself. Therefore, I now present your new ruler, King Pete! I did it, Mommy! I'm king of all France! I feel like eating a snail. Now, on with the show. Allo. C'est moi. Come, friends who plough the sea Truce to navigation, take another station... That-a boy, Pluto. Find the princess! With cat-like tread, upon our prey we steal In silence dread, our cautious way we feel No sound at all, we never speak a word Did you find the princess, boy? Good work, Pluto. Our brave musketeers have come to rescue us. Don't worry, Your Highness. We'll save you. Alright, you two, drop the princess! With pleasure. Poor wandering ones ...Can help you find true peace of mind... What? What the sam hill? The princess! Do something! Sir. Yes, sir. Scaling rough and rugged passes Climb the hearty little lasses Till the bright sea-shore they gain How dare you try and kidnap the princess! Nobody walks away with the princess... while Mickey, Donald, and Goofy are on the job! Hey! Someone's walking away with the princess. Let's get 'em! I am the very model of a modern major-general I've information vegetable, animal... historical From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical About binomial theorem, I am teeming with a lot of news With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse She's getting away! I am the very model Of a modern major-general Princess! Ouch. Two down, and one to go. I almost got it. Oh, no! Look out! What? This is it, squeaky... mano y mouse-o. It's all over, Mickey... and you 're all alone. And now with you finally out of the way... getting rid of the princess will be easy as pie. Want to bet? That's a sucker bet. Yeah, and you 're the sucker! Ready, musketeers? All for one and one for all. How's this for a coward? How's this for a doofus? And I may be small, Pete... but I've got friends that make me ten feet tall. Aw, nuts. Timber! I hate happy endings. Daisy. Are you kissing a commoner? C'est la vie. C'est I'amore! Please kneel. In gratitude for saving France... I hereby dub thee, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy... all royal musketeers! What do you say, everybody? All for one... And one for all! Bravo, my friends! Our three heroes have finally... made their dream come true. I think this calls for... one more song! All for one, hey, all for one and one for all Musketeers sing all for one and one for all And all for one and one for all And all for one and all