Poodle Panic

Wife: Well, of course, Darlene, I'd be happy to! Toulouse is always welcome here. Oh that'll be just fine. Drop him off on your way to the missile range. Shnookums and Meat always seem to enjoy having him around. Ta-ta for now! Oh, isn't that delightful? Your cousin, Toulouse, is coming by for a little visit! Oh, he's such a nice doggy.

Shnookums and Meat: (scream)

Wife: Now, don't you worry about a thing, Darlene. Shnookums and Meat love Toulouse! Have fun, boys!

Shnookums: Hey.

Toulouse: Hi, Shnookums and Meaty. I've got a cold.

Shnookums: You always have a cold, don't ya?

Toulouse: Yes. It's the same one I've had for six years.

Meat: It's always a cold or some weird flu or red junk around your eyes, but it's always something, isn't it?

Toulouse: I can't help it if I have a delicate constitution.

Wife: Shnookums! Meat! Toulouse! Lunch time!

Toulouse: Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Shnookums: What? What? What is it?

Toulouse: I can't eat meat! It's too strong for my delicate digestive system! I have to eat this specially prepared ground bean and pea food tofu diet.

Meat: Hey! Real dogs don't eat vegetable quiche, man.

Shnookums: Meat, he's a poodle.

Meat: Oh, yeah. (chortles) That's right. Hey, cartoons are on!

Toulouse: Oh, no. I'm the guest. So, I get to pick what we watch.

Meat: Huh?

Toulouse: And we're watching my favorite soap opera, All My Lawyers. (squeals)

Shnookums: Soap opera?!

Meat: Yuck!

Donna: Oh, Dirk. If only the operation could wait! It's so risky!

Dirk: Yes, I know, Donna. It's not every day a man has his head replaced with that of a chipmunk, but it's my dream. If only Lisa were still in Denmark! (chokes a few tears)

Donna: Who's Lisa?!

Shnookums: I CAN'T TAKE IT!

Meat: Easy, Shnookums! That's a lawsuit.

Wife: Now, what's going on in there? Outside! Come on, outside, the whole bunch of you!

Shnookums: Come on, Toulouse! Hurry up!

Toulouse: I'm not allowed to go outdoors without my leash. So what do we do now, boys, boys, boys?

Shnookums: Ow!

Husband: What? What the-hey?! Dad blast this infernal contrapulation!

Shnookums: Wow! That was pretty neat, Toulouse.

Meat: Are you okay?

Toulouse: I, I, I, I, I think so. Oh! My puff is gone! (bawls non-stop) My puff is gone. (bawls some more)

Shnookums: Hey! Here it is!

Meat: Let's play another game!

Shnookums: Yeah! We could go tip over the garbage cans!

Toulouse: Well, (pants) okay.

Meat: C'mon, Toulouse! It's fun!

Toulouse: Cough! Cough! (coughs and spits) Help me! It smells terrible in here! (moans) Mom! Darlene!

Meat: What are we gonna do? He stinks to high heaven.

Shnookums: Hmm. I know! We'll put him in the swimming pool and throw soap in there! That should fix him!

Toulouse: What are you guys gonna do to get this awful smell of me, huh? It's your fault.

Meat: Dere!

Shnookums: Now, soak!

Toulouse: Do you think it'll work, baby?

Shnookums: Of course, it'll work! Just stay in there a while.

Meat: Toulouse! Are you alive?!

Toulouse: I, I, I, I, I wanna, I wanna go home!

Wife: Shnookums! Meat! Toulouse! Time to go! Oh, there you are! They have such fun when Toulouse is here. I guess they just didn't wanna come inside. But, where's Toulouse?

Darlene: Well, Toulouse, did you have a nice time? I'll bring him again tomorrow!

Wife: Oh, I know Shnookums and Meat won't mind, will you, guys? Guys?

Darlene: Toulouse, you have such fun here? Maybe, you can stay here while I go on my six-month tour of the Amazonian bug jungle. Come here, and give me a big kiss, you!