Wrong Road

Ringo Starr UK Version:
 * Ringo Starr: Thomas’ Branch Line is important, and so is Edward’s. But their track and bridges are not so strong as those on the Main Line. The Fat Controller does not allow the heavier Main Line Engines like Gordon to run on them. But, one day, the way Gordon was talking, you would have thought the Fat Controller had given this order for quite another reason.
 * Gordon: It’s not fair.
 * Ringo Starr: Grumbled Gordon.
 * Edward: What isn’t fair?
 * Ringo Starr: Asked Edward.
 * Gordon: Letting Branch Line diesels pull Main Line trains.
 * Edward: Never mind, Gordon. I’m sure BoCo will let you pull his trucks sometime.
 * Ringo Starr: Gordon spluttered.
 * Gordon: I won’t pull BoCo’s dirty trucks. I won’t run on Branch Lines.
 * Edward: Why not? Would be a nice change.
 * Gordon: The Fat Controller would never approve.
 * Ringo Starr: Huffed Gordon.
 * Gordon: Branch Lines are vulgar.
 * Ringo Starr: Gordon puffed away. Edward chuckled and followed him to the station. Every evening the two engines pull two fast trains from the station. Gordon always leaves first with an Express for the Main Line. Edward follows five minutes later with his train for the Branch Line. Usually everything runs like clockwork, but tonight there was trouble. A lady in a green floppy hat was saying “Goodbye” to a friend. It was nearly time for Gordon to start. The Fireman looked back towards the Guard’s van and saw something green waving.
 * Gordon’s Fireman: Right away, Mate.
 * Ringo Starr: He thought the Guard had waved his flag. Gordon started; leaving luggage, his passengers and the Guard all standing on the platform. Everyone was very surprised and cross. To make matters worse, by the time Gordon had been stopped and brought back, Edward was already late with his train. So now he set off first. But the Signalman at the junction wasn’t told about the change, by mistake he sent Edward along the Main Line. Gordon was sent along the Branch, and arrived cold and cross on one of the sidings near the harbour. Next morning Bill and Ben peeped into the Yard. There were no trucks for them, they didn’t mind that. Teasing Gordon would be much better fun!
 * Bill: What’s that?
 * Ringo Starr: Asked Bill.
 * Ben: Ssh!
 * Ringo Starr: Whispered Ben.
 * Ben: It’s Gordon.
 * Bill: It looks like Gordon, but it can’t be. Gordon never comes on the Branch Lines. He thinks them vulgar.
 * Ringo Starr: Gordon pretended he hadn’t heard them.
 * Ben: If it isn’t Gordon.
 * Ringo Starr: Said Ben.
 * Ben: It’s just a pile of old iron…
 * Bill: …which we’d better take to the scrapyard.
 * Ben: No, Bill, this lot’s useless for scrap. We’ll take it to the harbour and dump it in the sea.
 * Ringo Starr: Gordon was alarmed.
 * Gordon: I am Gordon. Stop! Stop!
 * Ringo Starr: When BoCo suddenly arrived, Gordon thought him the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.
 * Gordon: BoCo my dear engine! Save me!
 * Ringo Starr: BoCo quickly sized up the situation, and threatened to take away the trucks he had brought for Bill and Ben. This made the twins behave at once. Gordon thought he was wonderful.
 * Gordon: Those little demons! How do you do it?
 * BoCo: Ah well.
 * Ringo Starr: Said BoCo.
 * BoCo: It’s just a knack.
 * Ringo Starr: Gordon still believes that BoCo saved his life; but we know the twins were only teasing – don’t we?

George Carlin US Version:
 * George Carlin: Thomas’ Branch Line is important, and so is Edward’s. But their track and bridges are not so strong as those on the Main Line. Sir Topham Hatt does not allow the heavier Main Line Engines like Gordon to run on them. But, one day, the way Gordon was talking, you would have thought Sir Topham Hatt had given this order for quite another reason.
 * Gordon: It’s not fair.
 * George Carlin: Grumbled Gordon.
 * Edward: What isn’t fair?
 * George Carlin: Asked Edward.
 * Gordon: Letting Branch Line diesels pull Main Line trains.
 * Edward: Never mind, Gordon. I’m sure BoCo will let you pull his freight cars sometimes.
 * George Carlin: Gordon spluttered.
 * Gordon: I won’t pull BoCo’s dirty cars. I won’t run on Branch Lines.
 * Edward: Why not? It would be a nice change.
 * Gordon: Sir Topham Hatt would never approve.
 * George Carlin: Huffed Gordon.
 * Gordon: Branch Lines are vulgar.
 * George Carlin: Gordon puffed away. Edward chuckled and followed him to the station. Every evening the two engines pull two fast trains from the station. Gordon always leaves first with an Express for the Main Line. Edward follows five minutes later with his train for the Branch Line. Usually everything runs like clockwork, but tonight there was trouble. A lady in a green floppy hat was saying “Goodbye” to a friend. It was nearly time for Gordon to start. The Fireman looked back towards the Conductor’s van and saw something green waving.
 * Gordon’s Fireman: Right away, Mate.
 * George Carlin: He thought the Conductor had waved his flag. Gordon started; leaving luggage, his passengers and the Conductor all standing on the platform. Everyone was very surprised and cross. To make matters worse, by the time Gordon had been stopped and brought back, Edward was already late with his train. So now he set off first. But the Signalman at the junction wasn’t told about the change, by mistake he sent Edward along the Main Line. Gordon was sent along the Branch, and arrived cold and cross on one of the sidings near the harbor. Next morning Bill and Ben peeped into the Yard. There were no cars for them, but they didn’t mind that. Teasing Gordon would be much better fun!
 * Bill: What’s that?
 * George Carlin: Asked Bill.
 * Ben: Ssh!
 * George Carlin: Whispered Ben.
 * Ben: It’s Gordon.
 * Bill: It looks like Gordon, but it can’t be. Gordon never comes on the Branch Lines. He thinks them vulgar.
 * George Carlin: Gordon pretended he hadn’t heard them.
 * Ben: If it isn’t Gordon.
 * Ringo Starr: Said Ben.
 * Ben: It’s just a pile of old iron…
 * Bill: …which we’d better take to the scrapyard.
 * Ben: No, Bill, this lot’s useless for scrap. We’ll take it to the harbor and dump it in the sea.
 * George Carlin: Gordon was alarmed.
 * Gordon: I am Gordon. Stop! Stop!
 * George Carlin: When BoCo suddenly arrived, Gordon thought him the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.
 * Gordon: BoCo my dear engine! Save me!
 * George Carlin: BoCo quickly sized up the situation, and threatened to take away the cars he had brought for Bill and Ben. This made the twins behave at once. Gordon thought BoCo was wonderful.
 * Gordon: Those little demons! How do you do it?
 * BoCo: Ah well.
 * George Carlin: Said BoCo.
 * BoCo: It’s just a knack.
 * George Carlin: Gordon still believes that BoCo saved his life; but we know the twins were only teasing – don’t we?