O-Ed Eleven

[Ed giggles as Eddy shows him a bare wall.] Eddy: "Oh Ed. Whaddya think?" Edd: [muttering] "I'm surrounded by idiots." Ed: "Cool! It is so flat!" Edd: "A wall, Eddy? Certainly you jest." [Eddy pulls on a cord at the wall's base and part of the wall unravels, revealing a door with multiple locks.] Eddy: "Ya wanna see my brother's room?" Edd: [shocked] "Your brother's room?" Ed: [excited] "Every man for himself!" [He reaches for the doorknob only to have Eddy slap his hand away.] Eddy: "Hey, wait a minute! Who gave you permission to touch his door?" Ed: "Nobody." Eddy: "That's right, Ed." [Kindly, he gives Ed a chair.] "Have a seat, relax. Maybe I can trip your toenails or something." Ed: "Oh, be still my heart." [Eddy takes a rope out and ties Ed to the chair.] Eddy: "Now then." [angry] "If you touch anything in my brother's room I'll–" Edd: "Eddy. How do you suppose we enter this outpouring of resistance!?!?!" Eddy: "No problem. I got a key."

''[A crowbar is wedged between the doorframe and the door. It wiggles some, and then the door is thrown open.]'' Eddy: "Come on in, boys. Check it out." [The Eds gaze at the numerous knickknacks scattered about the room.] Ed: "Your brother's room is cool, Eddy!" Eddy: "My brother is the coolest, Ed." Edd: "Yes well, in some circles I'm sure. Shall we throw caution to the wind and enter this lair of–" ''[Eddy drags Edd back just as a safe falls from the ceiling. The safe lands on Edd's foot.]'' Eddy: "Watch it! My brother was a whiz at booby traps." [He continues in.] Edd: [in pain] "But Eddy, the safe!" Eddy: "Already checked it, Double D. It's empty." [He pulls Edd along.] "Can't you just smell his greatness?" Ed: "I think that is me, Eddy." Eddy: [on top of a car] "Look at this! Ain't she a beaut?" [He rubs it.] "My brother said I could have it when I turn fourteen!" Edd: "Not that it's out of place in this den of dishevelment, but why is there a vehicle sitting in your brother's bedroom?" Eddy: "He keeps his snake in the trunk." [He opens the trunk.] "Huh, the little weasel must've escaped again." Edd: [scared] "Escaped? Oh dear, oh dear, oh–" [He backs into the giant stuffed camel.] Eddy: "Hey, watch the camel! I said no touching!" Ed: "Oh, I wish I had a room like this!" Edd: [sneezing] "Dust! From a camel! Oh, who knows where that thing has wallowed. Air, I need air!" [He unfurls the drapes to reveal a bricked-up window.] Eddy: "Ha ha! My brother was a whiz at laying bricks! Hey Lumpy, did you catch that one? Ed! Get away from there!" [Ed opens the fridge, and a bed pops out onto Edd.] Eddy: "What'd I tell ya? Don't touch any of my brother's stuff, Ed." [He folds the bed back up and closes the fridge door, not noticing that Edd is stuck to the bottom of the mattress.] "Ever thought about renting out that empty space you call a head?" Edd: [dazed] "Oh, look at the time, gotta go. Ta-ta." Eddy: "Where are you going?" [He leads him to another section of the room.] "Did I tell you my brother was a whiz at chewing ice cubes?" ''[Ed looks at a shelf. On the shelf are a jar of beans, a mannequin head, and a trophy.]'' Ed: "Cool." ''[He leans in towards the camel, and then needs to sneeze. His sneeze sets the trophy wobbling.]'' Edd: "Please, Eddy. I'm sure your brother was a multi-faceted individual, but I–" ''[The trophy falls and beans Edd on his noggin. Eddy immediately turns around and eyes the trophy, quivering like a pool of gelatin.]'' Eddy: [scared] "Did it dent?" Ed: "I will get it, Eddy." [He stands up, breaking the ropes effortlessly.] "Nice and soft like a kitten." [He picks it up with his teeth.] Eddy: [trying to pull the trophy away] "Ed, get your slobbering mouth off my brother's trophy!" Ed: "Yow! Yow! Yow!" Edd: "Okay, that's it, I protest!" Eddy: "Let go, you pathetic excuse for a lump!" Ed: "Yow!" Eddy: "Let go!" Ed: "Yow!" Eddy: "Ed!" Edd: "I've truly had enough–" ''[The trophy breaks in half. The resulting collisions of the warring parties shake a paper loose from a beach umbrella set up in a corner of the room. It lands in front of Ed.]'' Ed: [giving it to Edd] "Read to me what is on the pretty paper, Double D." Eddy: "Forget the stupid paper, find me some stupid tape!" Edd: [looking it over] "Why I do believe this is a map." Eddy: "Let me see that thing." [He looks at it.] "It's a map to my brother's secret stash! We're gonna be rich swimming in moolah rolling in hay!" [He realizes he can't read it.] "Uh...I think it's in Greek. My brother was a whiz at bazooki playing." Edd: "Yes, well. It appears to be some form of encoding." Ed: [grabbing it] "Let's try it out at my house! My mom has a stove." Eddy: "What're you talking about, Ed? My stove'll work fine." [Eddy takes it from Ed, and Edd takes it from Eddy.] Edd: "Oh please. The strange thing is, all treasure maps have some indication as to its location, a star, an X, a cross–but I don't see anything here! It's baffling! Do you see one in here, because I don't." [thinking] "This requires careful study and can only be solved by ingenuity and patient effort. Meet me at my house in one hour." Eddy: [impatient] "One hour?" Edd: "And I'll have the answer to our destiny. Gentlemen." [He leaves.] Eddy: "Great. What are we supposed to do for an hour?" Ed: "I've got an elastic, Eddy." Eddy: "Big deal." [Ed shoots the elastic at Eddy.] "YOWCH!"

''[An hour later, Ed and Eddy stroll up to Edd's house. Eddy slams a shovel against Edd's door repeatedly.]'' Edd: [nonplussed] "Why did you pummel my door with a shovel?" Eddy: "So...where do we start digging, Double D?" Edd: [ashamed] "I concede to your brother's ingenuity! I couldn't decipher the map!" Eddy: [shocked] "What?"

[Edd shows his friends into the living room, which is peppered with books and maps.] Edd: "I tried everything! I exhausted all theorems! Eliminated all conjecture! Pondered every viewpoint! But this is one mother of a treasure map, Eddy!" Eddy: "You're supposed to be the smart guy! You're messing with our group dynamics!" Edd: "It's beyond me, Eddy." Eddy: "He always had it out for me! He's doing this on purpose, I tell ya! I need that treasure bad, Double D!" Ed: "I think I just thunk." Edd: "Was that English, Ed?" [Ed picks up Eddy.] Eddy: "Let go of me, funnelhead!" ''[Ed places Eddy in front of the projected map. The line leads across his face to the X in Eddy's ear.]'' Ed: "X marks the spot, Double D! Yep." ''[Edd, amazed, stares at Ed's handiwork. It seems as if Ed has, indeed, solved the puzzle.]'' Edd: [mind blown] "By Jove, he's got it! Ed, how did you do that?" Ed: "Because I'm a brother and Eddy's brother is a brother and Eddy is a brother to Eddy's brother as a brother I am." Edd: "Um, nicely put, Ed." Eddy: "Oh brother." [Edd layers a map of the cul-de-sac over the original.] Edd: "Now, if I were to place this over top of your brother's map, there may be a correlation to the area of its location." Eddy: "Hurry up, I'm starting to see spots." [The map looks like it leads to a grassy, secluded area.] Edd: "I've found it! Oh no." [He stops smiling.] [Edd hunts frantically through a file cabinet.] Edd: "Eddy, according to my calculations, your brother's treasure lies deep within the confines of–" [He slaps a file on the table.] "The trailer park!" [Inside are photos of the Kankers and some notes.] Eddy: [agitated] "Kankers." [He pounds his fists on the file.] "My brother's a whiz at ticking me off!"

''[A gym bag lies in a hole, exuding a horrid stench. Ed, dressed like an adult, operates a jackhammer next to it. The Kankers throw open the door to their trailer.]'' Lee: "Hey, what stinks?! What's goin on out here? Who the heck are you." Marie: "Slug 'em, Lee." Lee: "Shut up, I'm concentrating." Edd: [also an adult, directing a detour, in a false voice] "Just construction workers doing their job, miss. Yessiree. We're repairing a darn broken sewage pipe–um–so hence the um–stink." Lee: "I've seen this guy before. Let's see some ID there, Mr. Man." Marie: "He's so cute." [Edd makes a fake ID card.] Edd: "There you go, miss. That's me. Walter Sobchak. A construction worker." Lee: "Good enough for me." Marie: "Yep. See ya later, cutie." [The Kankers turn to go inside.] May: "Gimme a call sometime, Wally." [Edd, spent, slumps against a sawhorse as soon as the Kankers leave.] Eddy: "Man, that was close. So what are we waiting for? Let's go get our loot, buddy boy!" [He shakes Edd.] Edd: [shoving Eddy off] "Can't you see I'm trying to regain my composure?" [Eddy takes the gym bag and shoves it under Edd's nose.] Edd: "All right! All right! Heavens, Ed, please zip up your gym bag. We're quite done with it." Ed: "It's not just a gym bag, Double D. It's a way of life!" [He takes it and walks off.] Edd: "Shall we resume our quest?" [He takes out the map.] "If my interpretation of the map is correct, the treasure should be buried underneath the Kankers' trailer." Eddy: "Let's start digging." [They look around the disgustingness that is the underside of the Kankers trailer and stand up, grossed out.] Edd and Eddy: "Let's get Ed to dig."

''[Edd puts the lid back on a stick of butter. Ed has been buttered up to help him fit.]'' Edd: "This butter should provide enough lubrication in order for you to squeeze under the trailer, Ed." Ed: "My fantasy come true. I AM BUTTERED TOAST!" Eddy: "Ssh! Do you want the Kankers to hear you? Now start digging!" ''[Eddy grabs for Ed, but he slips from Eddy's grasp. This happens every time Eddy grabs for him.]'' Edd: "Please keep it down!" Ed: "It is slippery, Eddy!" Edd: "Ed, Eddy! Control yourselves!" ''[Ed lands on the ground, laughing. Eddy seizes this opportunity and kicks Ed under the trailer.]'' Eddy: [fantasizing] "I bet it's gold! Or rough-cut diamonds!" [Ed lifts the trailer.] Ed: "It smells under here, guys." Edd: [through clenched teeth] "Down, Ed, down! Put it down!" Ed: "What?" [He can't hold the trailer up, and it crashes back down.] Marie: "Go tell those guys to keep it down, Lee." Lee: [kicking the door open] "HEY WALTER!" ''[She looks around. The Eds have deserted their fake construction site.]'' Lee: "No sign of 'em, Marie. Must be on a coffee break." ''[Lee goes back inside. The camera shifts to show that the Eds have taken refuge underneath the trailer.]'' Edd: [nervous] "This is becoming extremely dangerous, Eddy!" Eddy: "Let's get the stash and get out of here!" Ed: "Is that you tickling me, Eddy?"

[Inside the trailer, the brood is watching TV.] Marie: "Hey Lee, get off your rump and run my bath." Lee: [throwing Marie towards the stairs] "Get some exercise, it's good for ya."

''[Underneath the trailer, Ed has dug a gigantic hole. The shovel clangs on something solid.]'' Ed: "Hey guys, I hit something!" [Excited, Eddy leaps into the hole.] Eddy: "Get out of the way, Monobrow." [He clears the dirt from the top of a treasure chest.] "I'm rich! Filthy rich!"

[In the bathtub, Marie is washing clothes.] Marie: "Lee, get me the strainer. These clothes are crusty."

''[The Eds strain to pull the suitcase free. Ed finally manages to do it, and he pops through the bathroom floor.]'' Marie and Ed: "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Lee: [breaking the door down using May] "What's goin on in here?" Eddy: [climbing out of the hole] "Where'd you put the treasure, Ed?" [Edd cringes in fear.] "I don't see it, Ed." Ed: [pointing to where it lies] "Over there, Eddy." Eddy: [hauling it in] "There you are! Oh man, I can see it now! Mansions! Yachts! Friends!" ''[Eddy heaves it open as his friends cower. His hopes are instantly dashed; the suitcase is full of wishbones.]'' Edd: "Wishbones?" [A pair of hands slam the case shut and take it away.] Eddy: [shivering with his friends] "I'm so confused!" Edd: "I think your brother's a whiz at pulling your leg, Eddy!" Lee: "Looks like we've adopted some groundhogs, eh girls?" Marie: "Cute chubby-cheeked ones, too." May: [holding the case] "Hey! I forgot where we hid these!" Ed: "Well what do we do now, guys?" [Edd looks at the Kanker file.] Edd: "We'll pay you a bribe. Fifty cents. From each of us." Eddy: [nauseous] "Fifty? Pay? I can't breathe!"

''[Edd and Ed come flying out of the trailer. Eddy runs after them.]'' Eddy: "Guys! Wait!" Lee: "Oh no you don't." [She hauls Eddy back inside.] Eddy: "I'll give you an I.O.U! C'mon! Spot me!" [Marie slams the door shut.] Ed: [waving] "Catch you later, Eddy!" Edd: [tearfully] "Oh, Ed. If only I had brought just a few more coins!" Ed: "You did the brotherly thing, Double D." [He puts an arm around Edd and leads him away.] Edd: "You really think so, Ed?" Ed: "Think what, Double D?" Eddy: [from inside the Kankers' trailer] "Help me!"