The Pork Chop Indeterminacy


 * Sheldon Cooper: This sandwich is an unmitigated disaster. I asked for turkey and roast beef with lettuce and Swiss on whole wheat.
 * Rajesh Koothrapali: What did they give you?
 * Sheldon Cooper: Turkey and roast beef with Swiss and lettuce on whole wheat.
 * Rajesh Koothrapali and Howard Wolowitz: (staring at Sheldon, confused)
 * Sheldon Cooper: It's the right ingredients but in the wrong order! In a proper sandwich the cheese is adjacent to the bread to create a moisture barrier against the lettuce. They might as well have dragged this thing through a car wash.


 * (Upset by Penny's comments, Leonard sits in the time machine)
 * Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, it's two in the morning.
 * Leonard Hofstadter: So?
 * Sheldon Cooper: So, it's my turn.


 * Leonard Hofstadter: What if I knock you unconscious right now?
 * Sheldon Cooper: It won't change the past.
 * Leonard Hofstadter: But it'll make the present so much nicer.


 * (Leonard has just played with the time machine)
 * Leonard: That was fun! (Others laugh with excitement.)
 * Raj: My turn!
 * (Penny opens the door to the apartment and she is so totally upset with the guys.)
 * Penny: (she tells the guys off) OK! First of all, (she points to Sheldon) what you call a gap, was nearly 3 feet wide; I slipped and skinned my knee.
 * Leonard: Are you OK?
 * Penny: (she shushes Leonard angrily) Azzzzzz! (she now shouts at Leonard) Second of all, the door to the stairway of the other building was locked, so I had to go down the fire-escape which ended on the third floor, forcing me to crawl through the window of a lovely Armenian family, who insisted I stay for lunch.
 * Leonard: That doesn't sound too bad?
 * Penny: (she is still very cross) It was eight courses of lamb and they tried to fix me up with their son.
 * Leonard: Sorry.
 * Penny: Not Done! By the time I finally got to work; they'd given my shift away. Yeah, that's right, I lost an entire day's pay thanks to this, this...
 * Sheldon: Time Machine.
 * (Penny stares angrily at Sheldon, giving him a glare of fury)
 * Leonard: The lights flash and the dish spins, you wanna try it?
 * Penny: (she squeals with rage) No! I don't wanna try it; (she's now even crosser with the guys) my God, you are grown men, how can you waste your lives with these stupid toys and costumes and comic books?! And now that! That...
 * Sheldon: Again, Time Machine.
 * Penny: (she is now enormously angry) Oh. Please! It's not a time machine, if anything; it looks like something that Elton John would drive through the Everglades.
 * Sheldon: It only moves in time. It would be worse than useless in a swamp.
 * Penny: (she's extremely cross for the final time) Pathetic! ALL OF YOU! Completely pathetic! (Penny leaves, others are in silence)
 * Raj: My turn! (Leonard stands there while the others continue to play.)


 * (Sheldon, Raj and Howard are trying to stop Leonard from selling his stuff. Penny comes outside to see what the fuss is about.)
 * Penny: What the hell's going on?
 * Sheldon (to Penny): You hypocrite!
 * Penny: What?
 * Sheldon: Little Miss "grown-ups don't play with toys"! If I went into that apartment right now, would I not find Beanie Babies? Are you not an accumulator of Care Bears and My Little Ponies? And who is that Japanese feline frolicking on your shorts? Hello, Hello Kitty!
 * Penny (to Leonard): OK, OK, Look, if this is about yesterday, Leonard, I am really sorry about what I said, I was just upset.
 * Leonard: No, I needed to hear it.
 * Penny: No you didn't, look, you are a great guy, and it is the things you love that make you who you are.
 * Howard (To Raj): I guess that makes me large breasts.


 * (The time machine arrives to the guys in which they find out it is life-size and not miniature.)
 * Leonard: How on earth are we gonna get it upstairs?
 * Howard: We could just take the dish off and put it in the elevator.
 * Leonard: Yes, but the elevator's been broken for two years.
 * Sheldon: I've been meaning to ask you. Do you think we should make a call about that?
 * Howard: Not necessary. I have a Master's in Engineering. I remotely repair satellites on a regular basis. I troubleshoot space shuttle payloads. When the Mars Rover started pulling to the left, I performed a front-end alignment from 62 million miles away. (Pushes the button of the broken elevator and then listens to see if it comes down.) No, that baby's broken.


 * Sheldon: It worked. It really worked. They said I was mad, but it worked.