The Domino Effect

1 So, I just saw who's nominated for those yearbook award thingies. The senior superlatives? KC, stop with the big words that no one's ever heard of. Well, you clearly aren't nominated for Best Vocabulary. Uh, no! I am not nominated for anything! I cannot believe I was overlooked for Most Fashionable! Well, Marisa, people can't see how well you dress in school if you're never in school. Think about this if you don't get your grades up, maybe you could win Most Fashionable next year. KC, come on, this is really serious. I need this on my transcript if I want to get into the Fashion Institute of Technology. Being Most Fashionable is like being the president of the Smarty Club for Smarty People. Oh, look, look. There is Amy-What's-Her-Face. She's the editor of the yearbook. I'm gonna go give her a piece of my mind. Marisa, or you know, you could just step up your fashion game and show her what you got. And it wouldn't hurt to learn her name. It's Bishop. No, I'm pretty sure it's Amy. Yes. Amy Bishop. (Watch rings) Aw, great. Code Red meeting at The Organization. As much as I'd love to continue this conversation, I gotta go. Something bad must be happening. It's really weird, 'cause you always get Code Red meetings when I'm complaining about something. Yeah, but this time I really have I gotta go. Oh, when danger comes for you You know I'll stand beside you 'Cause ain't nobody keep they head so cool I'll always find a way, a way out of the fire Don't tell nobody, tell nobody I'm not perfect So many things I wanna tell you But I, I, I, I keep it undercover Livin' my life, on red alert Doin' my thing, gonna make it work Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless But I always got your back Nobody can do it like I can I gotta find out who I am Ain't got to worry about me It's all part of the plan I keep it undercover. I keep it undercover. All right, folks, this is a big one. We just got intel that enemy agents are hiding right here in the DC Metro area pretending to be ordinary citizens. That is despicable except for when we do it. Actually, when you do it, it's just comically incompetent. Judy, if you're not gonna take this seriously, then you don't need to be here. - Later, y'all! - Sit down! So close! As I was saying, these agents are running a covert weapons distribution center. They supply laser guns to enemy agencies worldwide. We need to shut them down before The Alternate gets their hands on these laser guns. Right, they're still a threat, and the last thing we need is for them to have a deep arsenal. All right, good talk. Let's go get 'em, people! Slow down, chicken legs! We don't even know where they're located. If I were you, I probably would've gotten that intel before calling a Code Red meeting, but, you know, you're in charge. You do you. What we do know is that all these laser guns will generate a substantial energy signature. Your scanners should pick it up when you get close, so let's get out there and start looking for it! Uh, one question. Yes, Craig, they'll reimburse us for gas. I wasn't even gonna ask that! And snacks! Okay, then I'm good. Okay, if anybody finds anything, report back immediately. All right, let's go get 'em, people. Sorry, I had to circle around five times to find parking! Hey, uh, where is everyone? Am I the only agent that takes these Code Red meetings seriously? I'm upset, too, Agent Johnson! They're in for a stern talking-to when they finally get here! Ooh, get here early, get the good chair. Four hours in this van, and not a trace of the energy signature. (Judy) But I am getting a trace of stale French fries and funky sneakers. When's the last time you washed this van, when Roosevelt was president? (Mutters) (Ernie) You know, we haven't spent this much time together since our trip to Niagara Falls. (K. C. ) Ha! Yeah, I remember that. You almost fell in. (Ernie) I didn't almost fall in. You pushed me! You told us he slipped! He did slip. After I pushed him. - Stop the van! - Why? Because there's an ice cream truck, and I wanna buy everyone a Strawberry Shortcake. - Really? - No! We just drove past the energy signature! But this can't be the right location. We're on Old Stonehouse Road. It's practically around the corner from our house. Wait a minute, then that would mean Enemy agents have been living in our own neighborhood! Cross that house off my trick-or-treat route. Okay, FYI, if you can drive to the house, you're too old to trick or treat. Marisa: Oh, hey, Amy, I didn't see you there. Great outfit, huh? I didn't know Marisa got the lead in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. (Agent 1) Clear! (Agent 2) Clear! Nobody's here. It's all clear! Yeah, and it's spotless! I need the name of their cleaner. And their decorator. I cannot believe this. What, that we live so close to enemy agents? No, this looks exactly like a vase I made for Dad in the third grade, but he told me it got broken. It did break. "With all my heart, KC. " Or maybe I sold it for a quarter at a garage sale. They overpaid. Guys, are we sure we have the right house? I mean, where are they storing the weapons? Did you think they'd be sitting in a candy dish on the coffee table? Here's a thought: Look around for 'em! Here's a thought: Scan the walls! There's nothing in here. Or is there? Take cover! Ready, agents? Fire! Get out here! (Coughing) Put your hands where we can see them. Sure. As soon as we're done eliminating you! Ah, we've always talked about redecorating the living room. Well, no time like the present! I actually love your pillows. Thank you so much! Just try not to get any blood on them. Yeah, so if you don't mind dying outside, that would be great. All right, you guys are surrounded. Drop your weapons. Eat laser fire! (Both shriek) I lied. Those pillows are hideous. That's right, kiss your little weapon-running operation goodbye, because we just shut you down! That's right! Ha-ha! Mom, Dad, what's for dinner, because I am absolutely aah! Hands where we can see them. KC? KC Cooper? My parents! What have you done to them?! We have to spell it out for you? We whupped their butts! Don't worry, they'll be fine. KC, would you please tell me what's going on! KC? Uh, I think you have me confused for somebody else. I'm not KC, I'm, uh, I'm her cousin Cassandra. Really? We doing that again? Oh, yeah, you're KC Cooper. Okay, yes. Yes, I am KC, and I know this looks a little weird, but everything will be just fine. Just fine? My parents are unconscious, my my house is trashed, and some rando girl from my school is pointing a weapon at me, so you wanna like take a second and let me know how everything is gonna be just fine? It'll be fine because Because you're not gonna remember any of this. (Spritz) Oh, all right. So, what are we thinking? Is Amy working with her parents? Oh, please. Come on, guys, seriously? Whoever heard of a teenaged spy? Okay, I see your point. But seriously, what's gonna happen to Amy? Well, she'll be taken care of. "Taken care of" like we'll find her a nice new home, or "taken care of" like we'll find her a nice new prison cell? The first one. Probably. No, really, guys, what's the plan? I mean, assuming she's innocent, what are we gonna do, rip her away from her parents? That's kind of cruel. Honey, that's the job. They're enemy spies. Yeah, but who's gonna take her picture at prom or who's gonna drive her to college on the first day? Will she even be able to go to college? I don't wanna ruin her life. She should have the same opportunity to ruin her life that I have. KC, relax. We do this to people all the time. Yeah, but not people I know. Oh, now you suddenly growing a conscience? You put more people in the hospital than trichinosis. Guys, I have know this girl since eighth grade. She's not particularly friendly, but I don't want to ruin her life if she's innocent. Well, we're gonna find out how innocent she is soon enough. Let's take 'em all to Headquarters for questioning. Yep. Marisa, we need to talk about your outfit. Oh, I guess the fashion buzz has begun! What do you want to tell me, Ms. Schaffer, that my outfit is fabulous, totally unique, the height of style? No, that it is totally inappropriate for school. You're going to the principal's office. Well, if I don't win Most Fashionable, I'm a shoo-in for Most Trips to the Principal's Office. Mm-hmm. Excellent work, Coopers! (Claps) We have dealt our enemies' weapon supply chain a major blow. Yeah, we managed to squash one cockroach, but there's a whole nest waiting to take its place. Dad's right. Why should we just settle for slowing them down when we can take 'em out altogether? If these guys supply laser weapons to every enemy agency in the world, then that means they must have some type of distribution list with names and addresses. If we can get our hands on that list, then We could finally end the spy war! I like the way you're thinking. Okay, hey, son! Did you find any intel on the Bishops' computer? Nope, nothing but homework assignments, links for a bunch of coupon websites, and their browsing history reveals somebody in this house is really into kitten videos. Here's one where a kitten can't stop sneezing. It's just adorable! Look. Ahem! We have more important things to do right now, Ernie. Ahem, that's right. We're gonna jot down the name of those coupon sites. Nothing wrong with hunting for some bargains while you're hunting for clues. Of course there's nothing on the computer! I mean, if you're arming a worldwide network of secret agents, you don't store the guns and the distribution list in the same place. Well then, Amy's parents will just have to lead us to it. Sure, because enemy agents love helping us with our investigations. They will if you do it the smart way. What's on your mind, KC? Okay, here's what I'm thinking. We should memory spray the parents, okay, then we clean this place up and make it look exactly the way it was except for the vase. This will be coming home with us. Then, while we're cleaning up, we'll also plant listening devices. That idea actually sounds pretty cool. No, that idea actually sounds pretty stupid. These people are trained spies, KC. If they wake up with a foggy memory, the first thing they'll suspect is that they've been memory sprayed. Then they'll scour the house for listening devices, they'll know we're on to them, and they'll disappear with the weapons supply and the distribution list, and we'll be right back where we started. Like I said, stupid idea. Okay, good point, although you could've made it without being so mean about it. Okay, instead of bugging their house, why don't we send someone in to win their trust and get that intel? If we play the long game, we get the enemy list and round them up all at once. Okay. Okay. We're doing this. Start the cleanup! We're gonna make this place look like we were never here. All right, well, how does this work? So now at least we memory-sprayed her, so my cover hasn't been blown. Amy will have no idea that I'm a spy. Which we can use to our advantage. Hey, Dad, seriously, I am not spying on Amy. But it makes perfect sense! You already have a relationship. Just buddy up to her, get into her house, and find that weapons distribution list! Familiar with the plan, Dad. Kind of came up with the plan. Don't understand why I have to be the one to carry it out. (Chuckles) Well, who else is gonna do it? Ernie? Step one: talk to a girl. Oops, he blew it already! KC, this mission is too important to be trusted to anyone else. I know, but, look, it's one thing to fly to Monrovia and pretend to be an international pop star or construction worker, because at the end of the day I get to go home and have a regular life and go to school. Except now I get to sit next to the innocent girl whose life I'm ruining. Wait, wait, we don't know Amy is innocent. We know she's not a spy! Look, here's what I do know, okay? She's got a best friend named Susie, she gets A's in Spanish, and walks around everywhere with headphones on. And what do people say about you? She has a best friend named Marisa, she's an A student, and she couldn't get a boyfriend to save her life! Again, could've made your point without being so mean about it. Listen, honey, if we can get that weapons distribution list, we could take down every enemy spy network in the country maybe even the world! Countless lives could be saved! I know, I know, I just don't understand why Ernie can't be the one to be close to her. So, Dad, is it normal if a girl gives me her number, and when I try it I find out the number belongs to a 78-year-old widow in Sacramento? I'll do it. Well, there's Amy. All right, codename Domino. Why Domino? Because when she falls, she'll bring the rest down with her. Reminds me of my codename for you Solitaire, 'cause no one wants to play with you. All right, so all I gotta do is go say hi to her and just let the friendship unfold. It's not like I haven't done this before. Yeah, just say what you said to Marisa. That seems to have worked out. Ernie, we were children. Okay, I don't think "Circle, circle, dot, dot, now you got the cootie shot," is gonna work in this situation. Hey, ladies! Do you mind, KC? We're actually in the middle of a conversation. Oh, what are we talking about? Boys? Homework? I was just consoling Susie. Her goldfish died last night. Oh, I'm so sorry about that. Well, I mean, if it makes you feel any better, goldfish don't really have the cognitive thinking powers to recognize a complex relationship, plus, you know, he dead now! Was there a point to you coming over here and interrupting other than regaling us with your fish facts? Uh, yeah, actually, I was thinking maybe we could hang out sometime, you know, for old times' sake. What old times? We're not friends. Of course, but like, what better time to make old times than now? Dude, we're graduating in a few months. If you really wanted to get to know me, where were you when I first moved here in the eighth grade and everybody said I had cooties? Were you there to give me a cootie shot? No. No, you weren't. No? I mean, "Circle, circle, dot, dot" Too late! What was that about? Better question, what is this about? It's tight, right? It's definitely tight, so tight I'm surprised you can breathe. No, I can breathe, KC. It's the yawning and the sneezing that are the problems. But that is the price you pay to be the most (Loudly) fashionable person in school! which clearly I am! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go flaunt this outside. (Snapping) Roger! George! Uh, vote for me. Vote for me. Achoo! Ow! Ow! Ow! (Scoffs) This is so frustrating. (Scoffs) I know. I have worn haute couture outfits every day to school this week, and still there is no write-in campaign to have me win most fashionable! I mean, where is the groundswell of support that this ensemble deserves! The only thing that ensemble deserves is a burial at sea. Look, I'm talking about Amy. How am I supposed to become her best friend when she already has a best friend? You can't have two best friends! It literally contradicts the meaning of "best"! Well, I mean, I hate to say this, but you know who'd be really good at this? - Brady. - Brady? I mean, yeah. He tricked me into liking him just to get closer to you, kind of like how you have to trick Amy into liking you to get close to her family. Yeah, well the only difference is you didn't know Brady before, and he didn't really care who he hurt in the process. (Sighs) This whole thing is just so icky! I mean, icky or not, he turned me against you. I mean, we were already in a huge fight, but he totally took advantage of the situation. Okay, so how am I supposed to get Amy and Susie in a big fight? Well, I mean, I don't know, I haven't really had time to think this through, but off the top of my head what if, I don't know, you, say, have Ernie hack into Amy's phone, go through her texts, find out her deepest, darkest secret that only her best friend would know, spread that secret around school, and then Amy would have no choice but to assume Susie spilled the secret, causing her to call off the friendship, and then boom, you swoop in. I cannot believe that I'm gonna say this, but that is a really good idea. Except now, instead of ruining one life that I know, I will be ruining two. So this just went from icky to ickier. Hey, Amy, look, I don't care what Susie says, I do not believe her. What are you talking about? Oh! Oh, you don't know? Yeah, Susie, she's going around school and she's telling people that the reason Rick broke up with you is because you gave him head lice. (Chuckles) And then you kissed his brother to get even with him. She said that? Yeah. I hate you! Hey, Amy, are you okay? No, I'm not okay! Okay, what's wrong? You ever have a friend you thought you could trust and then you find out you totally couldn't? Well, sounds like you could use someone to talk to. Hey, um, how about we go get some fresh air and you can tell me all about it? Thanks for being so nice, KC. Yeah, no problem. Come on. And also, I mean, if you're up to it, we can watch those cute little kitten videos. I found this one where this one kid can't stop sneezing. I love that one! (Woman) Rob, your name's on TV!