Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

Shit. Bingo. Oh my. Damn. Open fire! Incoming! Hit the dirt! Yes! I don't think so. Good work, Agent Marcus. Thank you, Sir. Good shooting, Mahoney. Now clean up all this shit. - Is that him? - Yeah, that's it. I.D., please. All right, sir. Name... Voorhees, Jason. This case is eyes only. This tape is strictly for internal distribution. Anyone listening must have C4 clearance or higher. If not, you're in a heap of trouble. Jesus! We have a large male Caucasian with massive tissue loss due to extreme explosive trauma. Weight... I'd say 230, maybe 240. Third-degree burns over 65% of the anterior torso. First and second over... posterior torso. In addition to explosive trauma, the subject is a victim of... multiple bullet wounds. At a glance, I'd say... we're looking at well over varying caliber. This is going to be a real joy to count. In my professional opinion, this guy's deader than shit. Strike that last comment from the record. Evidence, upon examination, indicates severe pulmonary edema. I'd say the heart appears to be twice the size of a normal heart, malformed. Fatty deposits... left, right atria. The heart appears to be filled with a black, viscous fluid. I reckon I don't know what in the hell it is. It's not blood. I.D.? - You just saw me come out of there. - I.D., please. Oh, one second. Phil, this is actually kind of an amazing opportunity. How many people actually get a chance to say whatever they want to Jason fucking Voorhees? Hey, fuck. How're you doing, you fat-ass, maggoty, blown-up fuck? Suck this! Suck it. You know what I'd like to do to you? I'd like to take a crap right on your fucking mask... a big old, mango-sized crap. Yes, that's a probe. Phil! So Doc, what's the verdict? Jason going to be getting up and walking around anytime soon? We really nailed that fucker. He wasn't nothing but a big old pussy, anyway. Tonight on "American Case File" Jason Voorhees... dead or deadly? These dramatic photos were taken in the aftermath of the autopsy of Jason Voorhees. The facts: Two security men... dead. A coroner... dead. Another coroner... missing. Are these men victims of a serial killer only believed to be deceased? Many say yes. Hi, I'm Robert Campbell. For over 20 years, the mere mention of the name Jason Voorhees has been enough to send a shudder of fear through the hearts of an entire nation. Born in 1946 to Elias and Pamela Voorhees, Jason was believed to have drowned in Camp Crystal Lake at the tender age of 11. Sadly, he did not. Since then, he has been responsible for 83 confirmed murders, and speculated scores of others. Tonight, on a very special episode of "American Case File," we'll show you an interview conducted with Mr. Creighton Duke, just one week after Jason's alleged termination. You'll remember Mr. Duke as the bounty hunter previously responsible for the capture of six of this country's most reviled serial killers. Let's go to the tape. For the first time ever, our cameras were allowed a glimpse of the private training compound of bounty hunter Creighton Duke. Duke invited us with the promise of a very unusual, very expensive proposition. And I think you'll agree, in typical Creighton Duke fashion, he gave us much more than we bargained for. Just watch. I'm going to say two words to you, Mr. Duke, and I want you to say the first thing that comes to your mind. Okay? - Okay. - You ready? - Shoot. - Jason Voorhees. That makes me think of... a little girl in a pink dress, sticking a hot dog through a donut. I was actually referring to your claim that Jason Voorhees is not truly dead. What you think of as Jason is... not Jason. That body he's wearing... that's just meat. That boy knows how to dress... he wears other people's bodies like folks wear a suit. Aw, he may get blown up, but that's just a minor inconvenience for him... he'll just get himself another body. Jason Voorhees, the true Jason Voorhees, is something you and I have never seen before, Mr. Campbell. There's only one way to put an end to him for all time, and I'm the only one that knows the way. So if you want him dead, truly dead, $500,000 is my fee, and for that you get the mask, the machete, the whole damn thing. Quite a character. In the week following our interview with Creighton Duke, there have been five more Jason-style murders, all... perhaps not surprisingly... on a direct path from the federal morgue in Youngstown, Ohio, where Jason's remains were flown to Crystal Lake. Tonight, in the interest of public safety, I am prepared to offer Creighton Duke his sum of $500,000, payable only after he provides "American Case File" and the American people with incontrovertible proof of Jason's existence, and then puts an end to him for all time. We'll be back with "American Case File" in a moment. - This is truly sick. - Tell me about it. No, this is not sick, Diana, this is business. People are going to come see Jason's home town, and they're going to come with appetites. - Break a leg, food's up! - Thanks, Shel. Hey, Ma... you really want me to cut these like this? - Yes, I do. - It looks stupid. It's you own dumb-ass fault... they're supposed to look like hockey masks. Now watch. This makes a whole new patty... hence, the two-for-one burger sale. I love this woman. Hold me back! You guys make me sick. What can I get you? I'll take a Voorhees Burger and a side of Jason Fingers. - Okay, anything else? - Yes. - Creighton Duke. - I know who you are. I'm going to kill Jason Voorhees. I need you to help me. - Jason Voorhees is dead. - You know he's not. I know he's not, and he's coming for you. Your food will be right out. Name your price. Everyone has a price. What's yours? - What do you want? - You know what I want, and you know why I need you. - I think you need to leave. - I know everything about you, Diana. I know who you really are! - What's the problem here? - Nothing. I was just making your girlfriend a proposition and she's thinking it over. Right, love? Go on, get up. Why don't you blow me, Chief? Right after your girlfriend gets through. That's my lady you're talking about. See, she is only your lady because she ain't had a taste of the Duke yet. - Goddamn it! - Careful, careful, Chief! I don't think you really know who I am. I know who you are. The last thing we need around here is some freako bounty hunter causing trouble. I want you out of this town and I want you out now. - That is very colorful, Chief. - Randy! Take him out to my car. I'll be out in a minute. All right, let's go. He's coming for you, Diana, and your daughter. - Lock your doors. - Uh-huh. I'm sorry if he upset you. I don't need you to fight my battles. I don't need any part-time protection. You okay? - Yeah. - Okay. He seems to think Jason's coming for you. Steven, I need to talk to you. There is something you don't know about Jessica, something that you should know. She was going to tell you herself, but there may not be enough time. If you still care about her, if you still want to make things right between the two of you, then we should talk. Okay, let's talk. Yeah, but not here. Come to my house tonight at 11:00 and don't be late. Oooh. Ow! Ah-ha! Ow! - All right. - Great. Hi. Thank you so much. We had been there for an hour. - Sure. - Thanks a lot, man. Sure. Where are we headed? - Going to Camp Crystal Lake. - Oh yeah? Planning on smoking a little dope, having a little premarital sex and getting slaughtered? It's a joke. It's just a joke. It's a little Crystal Lake levity there. So, why are you going to the camp? - Now that Jason's dead... - We're think about smoking some dope, having a little premarital sex and... not worry about getting slaughtered. To be young again! Well, here's where the camp was. They tore the cabins down a few years ago, but this is the place. Excellent. Hey, thanks a lot. Come with us. We're thinking of going skinny-dipping later. God, I'd love to, but I got to meet someone later. Oh, your girlfriend? Go on, have fun. You don't know what you're missing. Here she is. Let's do it. Whoo-hoo! Oh my God, that water. Ahh. I think it shrank my pod. Your pod looks pretty good from here. Come here. Do you mind if we use the tent for a half an hour? No, no, no. Actually, take it for the whole night. - I'm gonna sleep out here. - Yeah? - Yeah, it's a beautiful night. - Are you sure? Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. Go, go. Go, go, go, go! Damn it. Come on, let's do it. You think you're ready for Tony the Wonder Llama? You got a rubber? In my bag outside. I'll get it. No, no, no, no. Forget it. Forget about it. I got to pee anyway. I got to go out there anyway. I'll be right back. - Hurry up. - Okay. - I found it. - Yeah? Oh God, Debby, I hate these things. Oh shit! Debby! Tango? Tango? Oh, there you are. Well, come here. There. Yeah. Hello, sweetheart. Yes, there you are. Yeah. Di, it's me... Josh! I was just going to my car. I didn't mean to scare you. - Here. - It's all right. - Here. - Oh, thanks. Look, hon... don't worry about Ed. He'll come around. He's too smart a guy to let you get away. I guess I'm a little too old for going steady. Well, so is he and he knows it. Trust me... it'll work out. Thanks. Good night. Good night, Josh. Hello, baby. Not here. Not here. I'm sorry I'm late. What's the big deal? Did Roy's bowling league go late? The league changed the time. We've only got until 10:30. Get in! Fuck! What the fuck are you doing, you fuck?! Hello? - Hi, Mom! - Hi! - Guess what? - What? I have a new boyfriend. You'll never guess who. - What's his name? - I want it to be a surprise. Someone I know? No, but you'll recognize him. We're going to come for a visit next weekend. - Tell her I want to meet her. - He really wants to meet you. - Can you hold on just a second? - Sure. Hi. - How's the baby? - Great. Have you seen her father lately? - Steven's coming over tonight. - Mom. - He's still asking about you. - I don't want to talk to him. And I don't want to see him when I'm home. He can see the baby if he wants. - Can you tell him? - I'll tell him. - I love you, Mom. - I love you too, baby. Um... Mom? Josh, what are you doing?! Josh?! Oh, jesus! No! You motherfucker! Yes. Hi! Is Sheriff Landis there? This is Jessica Kimble. Could you patch me through? Diana? Oh, shit! Jesus. You saw him. You know who he is. You have to save Jessica. Save Jessica. - And the... - The what? Save Jessica... Diana! It was Josh. He fell out... Where the hell is he? Oh my dear God! He was dead! He had to be dead! You can't think that l... I don't believe that you murdered Diana. No, I don't know what happened. I know you couldn't have done it. You just sit tight, okay? I'm gonna take care of this. I'll straighten everything out. What am I going to do? What is Jessica going to do? Jessica, I'm so sorry. I wanted to have this cleaned up before you got here. It's all right. I was just... Oh God, Vick! Oh my gosh! Who's that?! A girl? She's beautiful! - She yours? - Her name's Stephanie. She has Steven's eyes. Why didn't you tell me? I was going to. I was going to tell everybody. I just didn't... I didn't expect to be back here so soon. Is Steven around? Yeah. There's something I need to tell you about Steven. Hopefully, we won't have to hold you for more than a day. I am going to bust my ass to prove that you are innocent, but you're going to have to stay cool because otherwise, Landis is really going to kill you, okay? Come on. The sheriff is right this way. It's okay. It's okay. Ooh. I'll be back later. Don't do anything stupid. What am I going to do? I'm locked in a frickin' cell. I'm going to get you out of this, but you just got to hang tight. Okay. Oh, wait, everything you need is in this bag. There you go. There you go. White bottle 12:00, green bottle, 1:00, 1:30. And work our way up to hard liquor at dinnertime? Don't worry. What time would you like me to pick her up? By the diner around 8:00. Okay. Bye, sweetheart! Don't you give Vicki a hard time. Bye bye! Thanks Vicki. - You take good care of her. - Of course. Jessie, I got a few papers here. I got to get your signature on them. All right. You're about the saddest looking sack of shit I've ever seen. Why don't you just shut up? Accused of murder, and not just any murder, but the murder of the mother of the girl you love. I didn't do it. Oh, I know that. Problem is, how are you going to get anyone else to believe you? It was Jason that killed Diana. What did you say? There's only one way to put an end to that devil. And they don't know the way. And you do? Tell me! Information like that is very expensive. What's your price? I think you're too much of a coward to afford it. Try me. Give me your hand. What? Your hand... give it to me. See, everything and everyone... has a price, and the cost of this is very, very high. Are you ready to pay? What's the price? Are you ready to pay? Yes. Oh, fuck! The only way to kill Jason Voorhees is to destroy his heart, and there's only one person that can do that now that Diana's dead... her daughter. Jessica? And he will try to get to her before she can get to him. - What does he want? - Same thing he wanted her mother for. What? You want information? You got to pay. - Come on. - Your hand. - You ready to pay? - Yes. - Are you sure? - Yes! Ooh, jeez! Those FBI idiots destroyed Jason's body, so now he needs a new one. The ones he's jumping in and out of... they can't last. They get diseased, he gets weak. Jason needs to be reborn again and he needs Jessica to do it. Why Jessica? Now see, that is a very, very expensive question, boy, and I don't think you've got what it takes to pay the price. Tell me. This one's on the house. In a Voorhees was he born, through a Voorhees may he be reborn, and only by the hands of a Voorhees will he die. Jason had a sister... your girlfriend's mother, Diana. Now that she's dead, he has only two blood relatives left in the world with the power to kill him, or make him reborn... Jessica and her baby. I've got to get out of here and protect them. The only way to do that is to kill Jason, and you can't, but Jessica can. Tell Jessica about her birthright. Make her believe you. Go to the Voorhees house... find proof, because if you don't, Jason will kill her... and your baby. Randy! Randy! What the hell's going on here? That son of a bitch broke my finger! Jesus! Let me take a look, okay? Here. Oh shit. Shit! - Quiet! - You asshole. Okay... carefully, carefully open the cell. You wouldn't kill me? You might be right. Okay. Okay, stand there. Steven, listen to me, please. Don't do this. You escape, they're going to shoot you on sight. That's a chance I'm going to have to take. So I lose a bundle today, so screw it. I loved that little lady. Don't pretend to be so noble. You should have closed up until after the funeral. Oh sure, two days off with pay, right?! Hey, baby, not now. Believe it or not, I'm hurt too, and not just financially. - What the fuck is that? - It's Jessica's baby. Get it out... this is a restaurant, not a nursery. Hey! I believe that's the sweetest thing God ever put on this earth. You're a little cutie pie. It'll be just as cute when it's on the fucking street. Get it out! Yeah? Yeah? No shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if I see him, I'll call. Okay. - What was that all about? - The baby can stay. Go to the storeroom and make a crib out of a box. - Go, go, go, go, go! - Okay! Steven Freeman escaped and he's got a gun. Oh, Jesus. Do they know where he was headed? Knowing Freeman, he turned ass and he bolted to Canada, but just in case he didn't... Hey, baby. Hey, hey, hold it. Let me do it. Oh! Jesus, Pookey! Okay, we got your bear. I know this isn't a palace, but it'll have to do. God, you look so much like your dad. Okay, put you in here. I'll come back and check on you and make sure you're okay. Okay? Jesus. I don't even know your name. Steven. That's my baby. It's the first time I've ever been able to touch my baby. Take my car. Get out. - Ward, l... - Get out. Thank you. Christ. Ohh! Damn. No! Yeah? Hey, Reggie, what's happening? Oh yeah, I'm there now. It's great... it's disgusting. I am going to want to dress it. Maybe we can put a few body parts in the refrigerator. Reg, I don't know... talk to Harry in props. You know what we're going for here... twisted secrets of the Voorhees house revealed. And also, one more thing. Guess what tomorrow's headline is going to read? "Body of slain Voorhees woman stolen from morgue." Well, last night, I stole Diana's body and I hid it here in the closet, and then I went home and fucked her daughter. Reg... Reg... Reg, you want to calm down? Listen, I'll talk Jessica into letting us shoot here. I'll bring the police, they'll discover the body on camera, and our ratings will go right through the fucking roof! How does that grab you? Jesus! Robert? Damn. Hello? You scared the hell out of me. Where have you been? Robert?! Robert! Get away from her! Where are you taking me?! What is wrong with you?! - Come on! - Have you lo... oh my God, Steven! Put me down! I don't want your help! I am going to kill you! Put me down this second! I am going to kill you! Oh! Get in the car! Get in the car! What is wrong? What is going on? - Will somebody tell me? - Shut up! Shit! Shit! Oh my... Steven! God! Oh my God! Steven! Steven, stop the car! Pull this car over! Steven, I mean it, stop this car now! - Are you out of your mind?! - Just calm down! Shut the fuck up, please! Just listen. Now you think I killed Robert back there, right? There's no way he could have lived... I just ran the fucker over! - Steven... - Did I kill him or not?! - Yes, you killed him! - Wrong. He is not dead and that is not Robert. Jess, I did not kill your mother... yesterday, Josh, or someone that looked like Josh killed her. That was after she blew off the back of his head. I stabbed him with a poker right through the heart and he still lived! - Just let me go. - You and the baby are in great danger. I can help. I won't leave you this time, Jess. - Yeah, you will, Steven. - I promise, I won't. Jess, let's go get the baby. Fucking psycho, you killed my mother! You think I'd let you near my baby?! - Ow! Ah! - Out, out! Get away from me! Come on! - Jess! Please! - Get away from me! - Get away! - Jess! Jess! I just saw Steven out on Lake Road. He killed Robert! - Slow down! You all right? - He ran him over! - I was at my mother's house. - Did he hurt you? Not me, Robert! You said Steven's out on Lake Road. Where on Lake Road? I don't know! Out past the Myers' place. Okay, we'll get him. You're safe now. Don't worry. Notify all the units on Lake Road. I want this kid. Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Oh, Randy! Son of a bitch! Ah! Shit! Fuck this! Hey, you okay? Ow! Ow! God! - Damn! - Get in the fucking car. You get in the car. You want me to cuff you? What makes you think you can? I got a gun. Fuck that... I got a gun. You totally wrecked Jessica. Jessica, you've seen Jessica? - Yes, I have seen Jessica. - Where is she? At the station. Cuff me. Cuff me! Randy just picked Steven up. He's bringing him in. Jessie, follow officer Ryan... she'll give you some clothes. - All we have are cop uniforms. - Anything's fine. One second. You all right, mister? Wait a second. What the... You find her and you find her quick! Yeah. I will hear from you. Oh! Stop! Stop right there! Steven, help me! Jessica! Move! What the hell was that? He's breathing. Let's check this guy at the end of the hall. - Fuck! - Jesus Christ! Get the ambulance. Fuck! Oh fuck! Ahh! - Vick, where's the baby? - She's fine. - Where's the baby? - She's in the back. - What's wrong? - Whoa, hold it right there. Don't move a fucking muscle, either of you. - Joey, I just want to... - Shut up! You're with him. Nobody's going to touch that ray of sunshine! Pookey, call the station! I'm doing it, baby. I'm doing it. Holy shit! Line's dead. - Son of a bitch! Ward? - What? - Go check out the station. - Don't let him go over there. - He'll get killed. - Shut up! Go on. - Ma, he just... - Ward! Little mister... just in case. Cool. - Honey, watch the willy. - Ma! - Ward, don't, please! - Shut up! Keep your hands up high! Joey, please... just let me get the baby and we'll go. Joey, please... just let me get the baby and we'll go. Joey, please... just let me get the baby and we'll go. Joey, please... just let me get the baby and we'll go. Joey, please... just let me get the baby and we'll go. Joey, please... just let me get the baby and we'll go. Shut the fuck up! You're with a fuckin' felon! Shut the fuck up! You're with a fuckin' felon! Shut the fuck up! You're with a fuckin' felon! Shut the fuck up! You're with a fuckin' felon! Shut the fuck up! You're with a fuckin' felon! - Watch your language. - Fuck you! - Watch your language. - Fuck you! - Watch your language. - Fuck you! - Watch your language. - Fuck you! - Watch your language. - Fuck you! - Now look what you've done! - Give me the baby, Joey! - Now look what you've done! - Give me the baby, Joey! - Now look what you've done! - Give me the baby, Joey! - Now look what you've done! - Give me the baby, Joey! - Now look what you've done! - Give me the baby, Joey! - Now look what you've done! - Give me the baby, Joey! - Now look what you've done! - Give me the baby, Joey! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Stop, I mean it! Stop, I mean it! Stop, I mean it! Stop, I mean it! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go! - Come on! - She's gone! Where is she? - Come on! - She's gone! Where is she? - Come on! - She's gone! Where is she? - Come on! - She's gone! Where is she? Vicki must have moved her! Vicki must have moved her! Vicki must have moved her! Vicki must have moved her! Look in here. Come on. Look in here. Come on. Look in here. Come on. Look in here. Come on. Look in here. Come on. Look in here. Come on. Look in here. Come on. She's got to be in here. She's got to be in here. She's got to be in here. She's got to be in here. She's got to be in here. - Holy shit! - Pookey! - Holy shit! - Pookey! - Holy shit! - Pookey! - Holy shit! - Pookey! - Holy shit! - Pookey! - Holy shit! - Pookey! Shoot him. Shoot him. Shoot him. Shoot him. Shoot him. Shoot him. Shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Get away from him, you piece-of-shit scarface Get away from him, you piece-of-shit scarface Get away from him, you piece-of-shit scarface Get away from him, you piece-of-shit scarface Get away from him, you piece-of-shit scarface Get away from him, you piece-of-shit scarface cocksucker motherfucker! Cocksucker motherfucker! Cocksucker motherfucker! Jess! Jess! Jess! Jess! Jess! Go to hell! Go to hell! Go to hell! Go to hell! Oh God, Vick! Vick? Oh God, Vick! Vick? Oh God, Vick! Vick? Oh God, Vick! Vick? Oh God, Vick! Vick? I going to try and get some help. I going to try and get some help. I going to try and get some help. I going to try and get some help. Shit! Jessica! Jessica, wait! Fuck! Damn! "I have your baby. Come to the Voorhees house... alone." Christ! You're alone. Good girl. Jason could have jumped into anyone by now but you. We haven't been formally introduced. My name is Creighton Duke. What the hell do you think you're doing grabbing my baby and bringing her here? Hold it. Duke, Robert is dead. I know about your bounty, but you'll never see any of that money now. It's over. Just give me the baby. Just give me two minutes. It's not about the money anymore. What do you want from me? Tonight we can get that bastard! Tonight we can send Jason Voorhees straight to hell for all time. You don't need me for that. Yes... I do! Only through a Voorhees can he be reborn and only a Voorhees can kill him... with that! No, I won't put my baby in any more danger. You will always be in danger until Jason is dead. He won't stop coming for you until he gets you, until he's reborn. And then he will kill you... and your baby. If you want this to be over, if you want your baby out of danger, then you will end it now, before more people have to die like your friends, like your mother. Because until you kill him... it will never be over. Oh, were we sleepy? That could be Steven. Jason will have jumped into a new body by now. You can't trust anyone. - It couldn't be Steven. - Anyone. Do you understand? Duke! - Jessica! - Ed? Duke! Oh shit! Ahh! Kill him! Do it! Ed, is it really you? - Of course. - Stay there! - Give me the knife. - I thought you were dead. - You were wrong. - Don't come any closer. - Kill him! - I can't! Freeze! Get the hell away from her, Ed. - Duke, what should I do? - Kill the both of 'em! - No! - Do it or die! Jessica, give me the knife. - Stay back! - Jessica. Shit! Get off her! Get away from her! - Steven! - No-oo! - Where is it?! - I don't know! Duke! I'm coming! - I'll help you. - Give me your hand! I'm coming! Here! Hurry! - Where's the dagger? - It's under the dresser! Go get it! I don't think so. Oh God. - What's it doing? - I don't know. That part about being reborn through a Voorhees woman... - does it have to be a living woman? - No. That thing's in the basement with Jessica's mother. Holy mother of God. Get the dagger! Help her! Get the damn dagger! - Lift it up! - Okay! - I can't get it! - Jessica! Son of a bitch, you remember me? Get the dagger! Duke! Tonight, my friend, you will... Jessica! ...die! Duke! Shit! Get away from them, motherfucker! Please don't cry! Go... to... hell. Ohh! No!


 * Randy: Get in the car, Steven.
 * Steven: Why should I?
 * Randy: I've got a gun.
 * Steven: F*** that, I've got a gun.


 * Assistant Coroner: [to Jason's body] Hey, f***! Hiya doing, ya fat*** maggoty blown-up f***k?! Suck this! [gives Jason's body the finger] Suck it! You know what I'd like to do to you? I'd like to take a crap right on your f****** mask! A big old mango-sized crap!


 * Steven: Duke! The part about being reborn through a Voorhees woman, does it have to be a living woman?
 * Creighton Duke: No...
 * Steven: Duke, that thing is in the basement with Jessica's dead mother!
 * Creighton Duke: Holy mother of God...


 * Security Guard #2: Say, Doc! What's the verdict? Is Jason going to be getting up and walking around any time soon?
 * Security Guard #1: We really nailed that fucker.
 * Security Guard #2: He was nothing but a big old pussy anyway.


 * Jessica: Joey, please, just let me get the baby and we'll go.
 * Joey B: Shut the f*** up! You're with a f****** felon!
 * Shelby: Hey, Baby, watch the language.
 * Joey B: F*** you! [Jessica tries to grab the gun, causing it to misfire and hit the lights] Now look what you f****** done!
 * Jessica: [shouts] Give me the baby, Joey!
 * Joey B: [shouts] F*** you!


 * Robert Campbell: I'm going to say a couple of words to you and I want you to say the first thing that comes into your mind.
 * Creighton Duke: Okay.
 * Robert Campbell: Jason Voorhees.
 * Creighton Duke: That makes me think of a little girl in a pink dress sticking a hot dog through a doughnut.

 [after witnessing Jason being blown up and the FBI thinking he's finally dead]
 * Creighton Duke: I don't think so.


 * Creighton Duke: Through a Voorhees was he born... through a Voorhees may he be reborn... and only by the hands of a Voorhees will he die.


 * Coroner: [into a tape recorder] My professional opinion: this guy's deader than shit. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Um, strike that last comment from the record.


 * Creighton Duke: I'll have a Voorhees burger and a side of Jason fingers.


 * Sheriff Ed Landis: That's my girl you're talking about.
 * Creighton Duke: She's only your girl 'cause she ain't had a taste of the Duke yet.


 * Luke: We're going to Camp Crystal Lake.
 * Steven: Oh yeah? Planning on smoking a little dope, having a little premarital sex, and getting slaughtered?