What a Night for a Knight

"Alberto listen we got an Italian god dining with us tonight", who is it Maria?

"It's Robert de Niro and he is a bit peckish for some of our famous fettuccine", aye yai yai I don't make no fettuccine, Adrian makes that, NO he creates it.

"Alberto you stupid, Adrian's appendix got popped like a potato gnocchi in a pipping hot pan" so you're saying that I need to cook fettuccine for Robert de Niro MAMA MIA MARIA GET MY STRAINER because There's nothing more ironic or contradictory than fettuccine itself. As I turn around and look at the stove it hits me like too much basil on a margarita pizza. The stress. The pressure. I can't fail I MUST COOK THIS FETTUCCINE TO AL DENTE! I can't do it I'm feeling sick I'm vomiting on my sweater already moms fettuccine. I put the water to a boil as I listen for the boiling sound of bubbles I grab the Geraldo di Nola pasta and I take a minute to breathe and I think. What ever I do right now at this moment, what ever pasta I make, Robert de Niro will put his lips on it but I need to get to work because I will have time to rest when this fettuccine is dead.

I step back, grab my white chefs hat, I hear Maria screaming at me but I block that all out and take a smell of the great aromas. Fresh onion and garlic, hearty, thinly sliced bacon and of course one half cup of Parmesan cheese, the shredded variety. Ready steady cook I open up the packet Geraldo Di Nola and drop it in the boiling hot water THEN OH O FETTUCCINE OH I CAN'T SEE. How am I going to cook for Robert de Niro now, my aye Yai eyes have been burnt like breadsticks. Ahhhhhhh I can't see but I seem to be able to smell more new grande scents like I can smell the textures I starting to hear a voice a magical perfecto voice.

"Ay Yai Yai Alberto what did you do" who is this?

"who am I, well I'm Robert de Niro Sr, but you Albert you better listen your my long lost apprentice of fettuccine Carbonara" but how does that help me cook

"It won't, it will help you CREATE" ok I'm ready let's do this.

"Ok first Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil then add fettuccine and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente then strain" yes YES YES!! It's working I can see the true way to cook tell me more

"Now In a large saucepan, melt butter into cream over low heat then add salt, pepper and garlic salt then you must Stir in cheese over medium heat until melted, I'll let you in on a little secret, this will thicken the sauce" IM DOING IT IM ACTUALLY DOING IT

"YES ALBERTO  now add pasta to sauce use enough of the pasta so that all of the sauce is used and the pasta is thoroughly coated now Serve Alberto serve immediately" YES I WILL, MARIA order up.

"Alberto what the fettuccine was going on I heard yelling and screaming and you're aye Yai eyes are burnt like breadsticks" I know Maria isn't it brilliant

" ok, ok just give me the fettuccine so I can give it to Robert de Niro" no I put this fettuccine in the world I'm taking it out

"No no no no have a rest, go to the doctor"

NO MARIA, no I'll have time to rest when my fettuccine is dead. As I walk down the corridor with the widest smile I look at the plate, wait no I can't, I smell the plate and I can taste the 1/2 cup light thickened cooking cream tickling my taste buds and for once in my life I feel truely happy as I approach the door I take a deep breath. I open up the door thinking my mum would be so proud, then I hear it, it's Roberts stomach rumbling so I gotta go fast I speed walk over with my smile showing and right now it's like that scene from the godfather part 2 when Don Fanucci gets murdered yeh fire works going off in my stomach. Now it's the time I've been waiting for, I reach down and give Robert de Niro his fettuccine, he says

"Grazie" and then it becomes silent, should I stay should I go, but I go with my gut and wait for him to take a bite, man I wish I could go to the casino with him, such a great poker face, AYE YAI YAI I FORGOT I CANT SEE HIS POKER FACE. After many moments of me running around like a chicken with its head cut off I hear

" brillante, MAMA MIA THIS IS SOME GOOD FETTUCCINE" I walk up to him and before I could say a word he offers me a contract for my fettuccine to be in the dining room scene for the new god farther movie and I could not refuse so I took his offer.

A few months have gone by and we finished the movie but the fame and glory doesn't end there, well at least not for my fettuccine. That dish of pasta has taken all the attention and now I'm stuck in a sewer with no vision of my future or vision at all, while my fettuccine, Robert De Niro, Danny da Vito and Jay Leno all go to Las Vegas and win millions because of my fettuccine and Roberts poker face.

I think Hollywood and Italian Restaurants have a class system. The pasta and actors are like the inmates, but the truth is the blind, poor Italians are running this asylum  ahahahahahahahhahhhahahhahahhah.