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1 [Whirring] [Theme music plays] [Whirring] Man: It's alive! [Thunder rumbles] Pixar's "Inside Out" lets you peek into the mind of a middle-schooler. Now go on another journey with all your favorite emotions and some new ones as Riley enters adulthood. - Wait, what?! - Super Horny [Slurring] Guys, come on. It's only 3:17 A. M. We can still hit another bar! Hungry and/or Depressed Should I kill myself or eat a sandwich? and Bigotry! Oh, like, if I'm signing along I'm supposed to not say that word? This summer, experience the movie critics are calling "Uncomfortable and not fun" and also "Not even worth it for the short. " You know what? Joy is going away now. Call me when she figures out pot. - [Scoffs] Women. - I'd [bleep] her. Sorry, Captain Hook! I won't let you get your hooks into my Peter Pan Peanut Butter. Ohh! Get away! I have a peanut allergy! - But, uh - But, but, but, but, but! Even smelling it could trigger anaphylactic shock, you insensitive little turd! - Wow, I am so sorry I [Grunts] - I lied! This is one weird peanut butter commercial. [Handcuffs click] In the next 90 seconds, two things will happen. That phone over there is gonna ring, and you're gonna be wearing these cuffs on your way to prison. Well, that is one magnificent prophecy, Mr. Reacher. [Laughs] [Telephone rings] [Police radio chatter] How did he know? Want answers? Call me Mr. Reacher. [Cackles] Mr, Reacher predicted my husband would get his legs broken. And then he did, by Mr. Reacher. Mr. Reacher said to pay my bar tab because soon I wouldn't be able to, and he was right! Seconds later, my hands were broken by Mr. Reacher! Want to know your future? Duck! Call now! $19. 99 per second. [Gasping] All right, who brought the peanuts? [Piano music plays] Buh Wonka says the bad-egg furnace is only lit every other day, but it's always lit, man. It's always [bleep] lit! Don't talk to me until you work the taffy stretcher. You ever hear a tiny kid's vertebrae snap? Pop, pop It's like freakin' bubble wrap. [Glasses slam] Another round, Jingles. Will, talk to me, baby! Mommy's here. [Eerie synthesizer music plays] Joyce Byers has her Christmas lights up already. Oh, she thinks she'll get a jump on the Davenports?! Where's my ladder? Honey, no! It's only November 8th! Oh, hell no, Davenport! Not on my watch, Anderson! [Balloon inflating] A T U S. Huh? What? Oh, like hell, Ted Davenport! Ooh, I got Christmas, you got Christmas, Ted Davenport. [Roars] Don't just stand there! Grab a hammer. This lion's spent its life in captivity. This is its first time ever walking on wild grass. [Circus music playing] Darling, there's something I want to ask you. I can sing all romÃ¡ntico for you and your bonita seÃ±orita? Sure. Uh, do you know "Tu Enamorado"? Tu enamorado [Upbeat mariachi music playing] Nedra, will you be my wife? Somo so protectores de piedra [Rock music playing] Stop, stop. You're singing something about guarding stones. SÃ­, seÃ±or. "Tu Enamorado" is a beloved folk tune about musicales who find magical space stones and become guapos heroes! IncreÃ­ble! It's not, but whatever. Just play something else. La cucaracha, la cucaracha - Nedra, will you - # Somo so protectores de piedra # No, God damn it, no! There is no mention of stones in "La Cucaracha"! Agree to disagree, seÃ±or! Wait a second. You're not a mariachi band! - You're the Stone Protectors! - You got us, amigo. Times are tough, so we take any gig we can. Plus we sell our blood for cash! Ugh! [Guitar strings twang] Hope you're not mad. Mad? Nedra and I met at one of your shows! Baby, isn't this the greatest day of Nedra?! [Smooching] - That happens a lot. - Well, he is on her freebie list. - You're on mine. - Uh-oh! Man: This is the lion's first hunt on the wild plains of the savannah. [Circus music playing] [Suspenseful music playing] [Pig oinking] So, the British prime minister had sex with a barnyard pig. Did you see that, Robin? [Chuckles] I think the whole world saw it. And, uh, nobody asked the pig how she felt about being violated like that. Until now. Here with us today Lydia Piggerson. So, Lydia, tell us, what was the prime minister like? [British accent] He was all right for a three-hour shag, but it was worth it. For sure. This season on "Pigging Out with the Piggersons" Lydia and her sow sisters are using her sex-tape fame to build an empire. - Hello, boys. - Lydia! - That's right, get my good side. - It's me! Babe! - Do I know you? - [bleep] bitch was my assistant. Let me just get my bum in there. [Cellphone camera clicks] Mm-hmm! Snapchat! [Giggles] [Explosion] These diamond-encrusted snout rings are so very posh. [Bell dinging] Ooh! And the bell means they are sold out! On the next "Black Mirror," what do violated pigs dream of? He put up one hell of a fight. [Alarm sounding] Intruders! Come on, baby. We've got to get to the panic room. - The panic room? - The panic room! [Suspenseful music playing] Mom? [Door slams] Is this the panic room? It is. It is the panic room. Oh, my God. There are burglars downstairs! Just take what you want and leave! You have five seconds to open the door, or we'll do it for you. Where did they go? They're in the panic room's panic closet! Just take what you want and go. Damn it, lady. Open up or we'll blow the closet door! - I don't see them. - Well, look again. Look again where? It's a closet! They must be in the panic room's panic closet's panic attic! Just take what you want and go. Lady, just open the door! Oh, for [bleep]'s sake, Mama. They're in the panic room's panic closet's panic attic's panic crapper! Oh, my God, baby! They found us! [Sighs] Just take what you want and leave! [Whimsical music playing] [Laser fires] - [All exclaiming] Whoa! - No way! - Touch it. - No, you touch it. - Isn't the speed of light constant? - JK4833 will touch it. - JK4833 will do anything. - BB-8, listen to me. [Beeping] Oh, my gosh! I'm in the movie! I must be dreaming this whole thing. I do that a lot. Somehow, I think recycling old plots is not gonna be a problem around here. [Whispering] You must safeguard the map - to Luke Skywalker's location! - Ow! - JK4833! Whoo! - Wow! Okay, I'm out of here. Oh, cool, those wipes are so iconic. [Camera shutters clicking] [Music theme] Whoa! My God! I have no brakes! Well, hello there, little guy. You are literally the first person I met on this planet. You know what would be weird? Like, you know what would be so weird? If you were, like, the savior of the universe somehow. - That would be crazy! - My name is Rey. I'm a scavenger. I have no friends. [Chuckles] Uh, no friends? You are hot as shit. You're probably thinking, "That girl is hot as shit. " Sadly, I'm a Coruscant 10, but a Jakku 4. Okay, then. Look out, Rey! Don't get wiped! [Laughs] Just kidding. My name's Finn. I'm definitely not a stormtrooper. I'm Rey! I'm not a big deal. She's probably Luke Skywalker's daughter. That's my theory. Somebody's always somebody's hidden kid. Hey, is Finn related to Lando Calrissian? Is that racist? It feels racist. It's probably racist. Hey, maybe "Star Wars" is really about the Kenobis, not the Skywalkers! I think I just blew my own mind! [Gasps] Ohh! What if Rey is Palpatine's daughter with PadmÃ©? Gross. Oh, my gosh, that's gross. [Gasps] Oh, my gosh! The Millennium Falcon! What are the odds?! Your droid is really chatty and racist, I think. [Epic music playing] Chewie, we're home. Oh, my God! Trailer moment! - Shh! - Shh! Good trailer moment, though. Maybe right at the end. Hey, how come Chewbacca's fur isn't gray? Looks like we've got some stowaways. Did you really have sex with Carrie Fisher? She said yes in a book! Don't you dare wipe away before I get an answer! Tell me everything you know about the map. You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it! [Hiss] Oh, wow! You are the spitting image of Harrison Ford crossed with Carrie Fisher. It's uncanny how much I'm being sarcastic, though. Come on, stop resisting my mind powers. Oh, but I am, with no Force training whatsoever. I was trying to take you seriously as Darth Vader, but I never saw Darth Vader jerking off on Lena Dunham, so it's it's a struggle. Say, is Allison Williams nice? Did you see her in the "Peter Pan" thing, or did you just pretend like you saw it and then tried to change the subject when she brought it up? [Groans] Yeah, I didn't see it, either. Still doing these, huh? - Ben, please. - Ugh, don't call me that! I'm either Kylo Ren or Baron von Poonslayer III. Baron von Poonslayer, please. Stab! Aah! Chewie, I'm still falling! Aah! Ha! Han Solo's gotten out of tougher straits than this. [Groans] Oh, my God! That's how he dies?! [Roars] I know! Enough with the wipes! [Purring] [Music] Ugh. Get the [bleep] out of here. Rey! Strange droid! Oh, hugs. [Moans] Sad wipe. [Music] Master Skywalker! I brought you your Aw, shit. Sorry! I was cutting off a log. Oh Ah. [Majestic music playing] Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.