Marge Gamer

Next item on the agenda, I'm afraid that due to funding cuts, we've had to sell the science department skeleton and replace it with this Halloween costume. Thank you, Willie. Now, please return it to its plastic snap case. Moving on-- our class trip to ltaly is now spaghetti night at Papa John's, and your $1,500 deposits will not be refunded. Ooh, Papa John's! We will conclude by passing around a sheet on which I would like everyone's e-mail address. What's wrong? I can't fill out that clipboard. I don't have e-mail. Oh, Marge, you got to get on the Net. It's got all the best conspiracy theories. Did you know that Hezbollah owns Little Dolly Snack Cakes? This stuff will rock your world! Fine, I'll log onto Wahoo or Yippy or A-O-K or Pooka-dooka, whatever it's called. Can we move this meeting along? I pay my taxes, I expect my orange drink! Ambrosia! And this Web site will tell you the weather. Sunny? I never have to look out the window again. Let's go surfing now, everybody's learning how. Come on and safari with me Paper towels for 69 cents. 68 cents. 66 cents! Kids, get in the car! We're going to Pennsylvania! Ooh. 629,000 results?! Wow. And all this time, I thought "Googling yourself" meant the other thing. Your House From Space. It's our house! But what's that thing? Everyone can see you! Get inside! Never! Just put on a towel! Why don't I just put on a dress? Homer, you've met my parents. Not naked, I haven't. That lnternet has it all. Today, I found I had the same birthday as Randy Quaid, I MapQuested a great new route to the armory, and I got a list of local houses where I'm not letting you kids trick or treat anymore. I'm proud of you, Mom. You're like Christopher Columbus. You discovered something millions of people knew about before you. MailBox Welcome Marge You have No new messages. I sent everyone I know an e-card for St. Patrick's Day, but not one person wrote me back. Hmm. Maybe if I hit "Refresh." Still nothing. But maybe now. Or now. The only thing that changes is the banner ad. Ooh. Earthland Realms? Earthland Realms is a multiplayer online role-playing game. Do you agree to the following terms and conditions? "For amusement only. Credit card information may be sold to Korean gangsters." Just click "Agree." Step one, create your character. Let's see. What kind of goofy goobly should I be? Whoa. Look at those bazooms. Who designed this character? Probably a man. Hmm! I can make her look any way I want. Let's see. Hair: blue. Shoes: sensible. Body type: Olive Oyl. Face: other. That's better. Now, let's role... play. Wow, it's like a renaissance fair, but without all the chubby couples. This is really annoying. You're telling me. Greetings, Cleric. Will you undertake a quest on my behalf? Eh, maybe I should run this by my husband first. Things are more fun if you just answer "yes." Then, yes. Hither me forth on mine arduous quest. Once again, just "yes." Yes. First, you must find the Armandahl of Nuxinor. All I see is that rock. You have found it! Oh! Okay, activate my level seven power stones. Wield the orb of oblivion. And zap! Hmm, needs more goat soul. Mom?! What are you kids doing up so late? We just got up. It's 7:00 a.m. I was on the computer all night! Actually, it's Saturday. I played a day and a night. Bart, it's not Saturday. Shh. I should get some sleep. I better check on my elf-self. Thank you. Come again. Apu? Mrs. Homer. How nice to see you in the Realms. How did you get in my game? Are you a virus? Oh, no. I, too, am online playing. That cobra king over there is actually Snake. The prison guards think I'm getting my online law degree. Ha, ha! And that beguiling enchantress is Mrs. Krabappel. This game is a great way to meet eligible men who can afford a computer. Or have access to one at the school library. It's amazing how you can be a turkey in every reality. What's important is we're talking. I'm Moe. I'm playing this while I'm on the can. Wow, Moe! You're a troll. What? No. My character's supposed to look like me. Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a troll?! Who are we hiding from? The Shadow Knight. Where he rides, death is sure to follow. The Shadow Knight? He's the most evil, destructive player in this game. He once beat me to death with my own life bar. Mmm... mmm. Who dares battle with the Shadow Knight? Oh... He was a good man. A good, moist man. Eww. I can't watch this. Another senseless killing by... the Shadow Knight! Hmm? My son is an evil knight! The most successful evil knight in all the Earthland Realms! Not bad. Aye carumba, what a day! Brave sir knight? What is it, Lady Milhouse? I'm not a lady, it's a spell, a spell you said you'd reverse. Yeah, yeah, it's on my list. Anyway, someone's here to see you. Hi, Bart! It's your mom! I'm in your videogame with you! What? Why Milhouse, don't you look pretty! It's a spell! And thank you. Mom, what are you doing in my game?! How would you like it if I suddenly started going shopping with you? I'd like that very much. Uh, wh-what can I get ya, Mr. Shadow Knight, sir? A grog? Grog light? Uh, diet grog with lemon? Just wring the blood from this pixie head. Yes, sir. Hi, everyone! How do you play this game? Ow! Haaaaaaa.... Oooohh!! Now flog yourself with this mace while reciting the Goblin's Code! Goblin's Code, yes, sir! All goblins must be free of visible worms. Oooh! In the presence of a lady, a goblin must remove his hat and ears.