George Gets a Pain in the Ash


 * Vic: Ernie's on the phone. Your mother's house is on fire.


 * (Sirens are heard wailing)
 * Angie: Oh, my god.(gasps) It's the whole house.
 * George: Ernie, did you see my mom? Did she get out?
 * Ernie: No. I got here as soon as I could, but no one's seen her.


 * George: Carmen, you're 16! How can you be pregnant?
 * Benny: Whoa, deja vu. I remember having this same fight with my dad when I was 16 except he was chasing me through the neighborhood with a machete. That back when they let you be a parent.


 * George: I decided I wanna be called "papi" instead of "grandpa." Now what would you prefer: "granny" or "Nana?"
 * Angie: I am not a Nana. (points to her butt) This is not the butt of a Nana.


 * George (to Benny): Hey, check it out. It's the ghetto Mary Poppins. (Benny gives him a look) Come on, Mom. I'm just trying to cheer you up, you dirty little Oompa Loompa.


 * George: There's no way you're gettin' married.
 * Carmen: Fine, then I'll just get pregnant and move to Georgia (breaks into a southern accent) 'cuz I don't need y'all's consent down there.


 * Carmen (to George & Angie): Okay, you guys can't keep me from Jason anymore than you can keep a hungry bow weeval from a field full of cotton.
 * George: Well, if you think you're getting married, you're crazier than a gravy covered cat in a barn full of bloodhounds! (To Angie) It's hard, you try it!


 * George (to Benny): Your house burnt down.
 * Benny: That's not funny.
 * Angie: It's no joke. That's why we thought you were dead.