Trucked Out

(Leo & Adam are in the Lab, with Adam in a golf cart, with a dummy in the passenger seat)

Leo: Alright, Adam. I borrowed Big D's hydrogen-powered golf cart to help you practice for your driving test. First step, seat belts.

Adam: Okay... focus. (grunts. seatbelt clicks) Yes! Zero to buckle in under five seconds. (high-fives Leo)

Chase: (enters the lab and chuckles) Oh, look, a dummy driving a dummy.

Adam: Ooh, what does this button do? (presses a button and the cart starts to drive)

Leo: No!

Chase: (sees the cart speed towards him) Aah!

Leo: Brake!

(brakes screech, Chase continues screaming. The dummy flies out of the car and on Chase. Chase grunts)

Adam: Wish all buttons did that.

. ..

Leo: I cannot believe Adam's not back from his driving test. What's taking him so long?

Bree: Two words: Adam. Test.

Chase: Man, if he passes, it's good news for us and bad news for everyone on the road. (chuckles) Or the sidewalk.

Leo: Well, he has to pass. I need him to drive me to that party on Saturday.

Chase: What party?

Leo: (chuckles) The one you weren't invited to.

Bree: You got invited to Caroline Davis' party and I didn't?

Chase: Neither did I!

Bree: Well, no surprise there. But why were you invited?

Leo: Oh, Bree, I'm climbing the social ladder. There are now three or four ladies who make eye contact with me in the hallway. Okay, it's two! But I'm going to the party.

(door opening)

Bree: He's home!

(Tasha enters. All groan)

Leo: It's just you.

Tasha: Nice to see you, too.

Leo: Sorry, mom. How's it going?

Tasha: Great. I've had the best day. It all started when I went to--

Leo: Save it for later, woman! Adam's here!

(Donald enters)

Donald: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mission Creek's newest fully licensed driver! (silence. Adam doesn't enter) Adam, that's you.

Adam: Oh, right. (enters) Woo-hoo, I passed!

(all cheering)

Donald: He really impressed me. He got a 96 on the test.

Adam: I didn't even know scores went up that high! Oh, and get this, Mr. Davenport said if I passed, he'd buy me a car.

Tasha: What?!

Donald: Well, in my defense, I never thought he would pass.

Bree: Yeah, none of us did.

Adam: Preachin' to the choir, people.

Tasha: Donald, are you sure he's ready for a car? You remember what happened when you bought him a bike?

(Flashback. Adam enters the house with a completely wrecked bike)

Adam: The bell still works. (dings bell)

(End of flashback)

Donald: Um... to be fair, honey, Adam is a lot more responsible now. He worked very hard to get his driver's license, and I think he should be rewarded.

Adam: (imitates driving noises, brakes screeching, explosion)

Tasha: I don't know.

Donald: Don't worry, I promise I will get Adam the safest car available.

Chase: The safest car is the one he isn't driving.

Adam: Not true. I've caused many wrecks as a pedestrian.

Donald: Okay, let's go.

Leo: I don't care what car it is, as long as you give me a ride to Caroline Davis' party. I don't know if you heard... (mocking Bree) I was invited.

Bree: Enough!

. ..

(Leo, Bree & Chase are sitting in the school's cafetaria)

Leo: Take care, ladies! See you at the party! (to Bree & Chase) Oh, did I tell you I was invited to the par--

Bree & Chase: YES!

Tasha: (suddenly enters the room) There's my little boy! Mind if I join you?

Bree: What are you doing here, Tasha?

Tasha: I'm here because I decided to run for president of the PTA!

Leo: Aww, that's nice. What school? 'Cause I know it's not this one!

Tasha: With Adam getting his license and you going to parties, It made me realize you're all growing up, so I'm going to get A LOT more involved with your school lives.

Chase: Well, Leo could defenitely use a chaperone for the party this weekend.

Leo: No! No, no, no! Mom, why are you doing this?! What is missing in your life? I can pay for art classes!

Tasha: Oh, Leo, this will be fun! If I get elected I will be here all the time! We'll eat lunch, gossip, I can talk you up to the gals.

Leo: The gals? (to Bree and Chase) Get her out! Get her out!

Tasha: Don't worry. Once the ladies see how Mom rocks it, ooh! You are going to be so popular.

Bree & Chase: You really are.

Tasha: (to girls) Hi, I'm Leo's mom. I'm running for president of the PTA, which is "Pretty Totally Awesome," right?

Leo: No!

Tasha: Be sure to tell your parents to vote for me: Tasha Davenport! T-Dav to you kids. Holler!

Leo: Moms... we all got 'em, am I right? (hides under table)

. ..

Car Salesman: The 2006 Firefly is a great choice. It's safe enough for grandma, yet flashy enough for... grandma.

Adam: Sweet.

Donald: And I know we got a great deal because I am a master negotiator!

Car Salesman: Oh, that's one thing I'd call you.

Donald: I don't know what that means. (phone rings) Excuse me. This is work. Hello? What?! Well, why would they be throwing a surprise party inside a nuclear reactor? We gotta go.

Car Salesman: Aw, just when I started to like you.

Donald: Everybody likes me. We'll finish this tomorrow.

Car Salesman: No problem, but the Firefly will be gone. I plan on selling it to someone I can actually make money on.

Adam: You're gonna sell my car?!

Donald: That's just a sales tactic, Adam. Come on, we gotta go.

Adam: But, no, we're almost done. Can't I just finish up without you?

Donald: (laughs) No!

Adam: (sighs) Come on! You said yourself I'm acting more responsible than ever. Plus, I really want that car.

Donald: Fine, I'll see you back at the house. Sally, Sally, Sally! Stop singing Happy Birthday and put on your hazmat suit, I'll be right--

Adam: So, here we are, two adults, finishing up an automotive transaction. Where shall I put my John Peacock?

Cars Salesman: Just sign right here.

Adam: Uh-huh.

Cars Salesman: You know... now that I think about it, there's one more vehicle you might want to look at.

Adam: Okay, I'll look at it. But unless it's shaped like a giant hot dog, I'm probably not interested.

. ..

Tasha: Guys, get this. I am the only candidate for PTA president. I'm gonna win! Car washes, bake sales, fundraisers. I'll be here all the time.

Bree: That is great news.

Chase: Leo's gonna be so happy. Ahem.

Leo: We have to stop her.

Chase: Uh, we? What's in it for us?

Leo: Oh, come on! I'm desperate!

Bree: Well, you could get us into your cool party.

Leo: Oh, Bree. That's cute. But at the end of the day, I am who I am and you are who--alright, fine, I'll get you in the party! Just tell me how we're gonna get rid of my mom.

Chase: Easy. We just have to find someone to run against her and win.

Bree: Right, someone who is power hungry and ruthless and enjoys crushing other people's dreams.

Perry Go home, maggots! It's 3:30 and I wanna chain up!

. ..

Donald: And, just like I promised, I got Adam a very safe and practical car.

Chase: Look, I know equations. Adam plus safe doesn't exactly work. So, where is he?

Bree: Maybe he forgot how to get home. Again.

Donald: Come on, four times in one week? What are the odds?

Chase: You guys get the stapler. I'll get the "Lost Adam" flyers.

Adam: (from outside) Guys! check out my new ride!

Leo: He's here!

Bree: Let's go.

(all stare in shock)

Adam: Isn't it awesome? And I only had to fill the tank twice on the way home.

. ..

Donald: What happened? You were supposed to buy the Firefly!

Adam: Well, yeah, but the truck is way safer than that dinky little car. When I drove off the lot, I crushed that thing like a tin can.

Donald: I knew I shouldn't have left you alone to close the deal.

Tasha: You left him alone?

Adam: With his checkbook!

Tasha:  See, this is what happens when parents aren't involved in their kids' lives.

Donald: I am involved in their lives. We go on missions all the time.

Tasha: Their real lives. When was the last time you showed up at school?

Adam: Oh, he was just there last week.

Donald: Thank you.

Adam: Yeah, he pulled us out of class so we could all play laser tag together.

Donald: You've seen his grades. What difference would it make? Look, we'll take the truck back tomorrow.

Adam: Fine! And while we're there, we should probably pick up your checkbook.

. ..

Chase: Guys, guess what?

Leo: What?

Chase: Leo!

Leo: No. I'm the new chemistry teacher, Mr. Tate.

Bree: (rips off Leo's fake mustache)

Leo: (high-pitched scream)

Chase: So, get this. I checked the PTA election rules and you don't have to be a parent to run for president. Principal Perry is totally eligible.

Bree: Well, that's great! And you know that if she runs, she's gonan cheat and make sure she wins. You can always count on that woman to do the wrong thing.

Leo: But how do we convince her to run? I mean, the only things that motivate that woman are revenge, rage, and kitty calendars.

Chase: Well, then we just have to find a way to make her mad at Tasha and then trick her into doing it.

Leo: How?

Bree: Maybe a little bionic vocal manipulation is in order. (in Tasha's voice) There's my little Bug-A-Boo. Come give Mommy some sugar!

Leo: Okay, that never stops being weird.

. ..

Bree: Okay, Chase is getting Perry. You go handle your mom.

Leo: Got it. Mom! Hey, I was thinking about it and you were right. It is going to be so much fun having you around here everyday.

Tasha: (squeals, giggles) I knew you would come around. (hugs Leo)

Leo: Hey, love me, don't break me. So, to be an effective PTA president, you need to be in touch with your students, know what they like, listen to their music.

Tasha: Don't worry, Leo. I'm picking up what you're putting down.

Leo: (chuckling) You're trying too hard.

Perry: (to Chase) This better be important, shrub head.

Leo: Quick! Put these on. (gives earbuds to Tasha)

Tasha: Ooh, these jams are pumped up!

Chase: I just thought that maybe you'd like to hear what our future PTA president is saying about you behind your back.

Perry: (scoffs)

Bree: (in Tasha's voice) I am shocked at the lack of professionalism around this school. And it all starts with that tyrant Principal Perry.

Perry: Well, that's obvious.

Bree: (in Tasha's voice) When I'm president I'm gonna make it my mission to get her fired!

Perry: Fired? She can't do that!

Chase: Technically, as PTA president, she can. It's right here in the rule book.

Perry: Let me see that!

Bree: (Tasha's voice) Oh, one more thing, I hate cats.

Perry: (gasps) The claws are out now!

Chase: You know, maybe you should run against her.

Perry: Against her? I'm gonna run over her! Hey!

Tasha: Oh, hi, Principal Perry! Did you hear? No one is running against me. I'm going to be PTA president.

Perry: Not in this lifetime, Mitzy Von Minivan. I'm in the race now, and around here, the only thing PTA stands for is Putting Tanya Away.

Tasha: My name is Tasha.

Perry: Still starts with a "T"!

. ..

Donald: Adam, I really stuck my neck out for you, and you made us both look irresponsible.

Adam: You're right. Apology accepted.

Donald: Wow. Look how high I am.

Adam: That's what I said!

Donald: That pickup truck looks like a teeny tiny toy.

Adam: That's what I said!

Donald: You know, before I take this thing back, there's something I really need to do.

(Go to mud pit and ride truck around)

Adam: Woooo hoo! Aww yeah!

Donald: Woooo! This is awesome!

Adam: THATS WHAT I SAID!

(Both screaming) . ..

Perry: Let's do this already! I'm late for my shift at the Gas n' Go. What are you looking at?

Leo: Hey mom? Are you sure you wanna go through with this? Principle Perry is merciless and will do anything to win. She has the battle scares to prove it.

Tasha: Have a little faith in your mom.

Leo: Oh I have lots of faith- (walks away) that Principle Perry will destroy you.

. ..

Adam: So I guess we're keeping this thing huh?

Donald: I finally found a car that matches my ego.

Adam: Oh it's not that big.

(Truck rolls over something)

Donald: What's that?

Adam: Trashcan.

Donald: (yells out window) I'll pay for that!!

Donald: So here what I'm thinking: Well buy you a different car, and we'll keep this bad boy to play with on weekends.

Adam: Ha! Awesome!

Donald: But we're gonna have to hide it, because if Tasha finds out this thing, we'll both have to end up living in it.

Adam: (gasps) Promise?!

(Truck rolls over something)

Donald: Trashcan?

Adam: Mailbox.

Donald: (yells out window) I'll pay for that too!

Adam: Oh! Can we make a quick stop? I forgot my backpack at school.

Donald: No problem. We could stop by and pick it up.

(Truck rolls over something)

Donald: Mailbox?

Adam: Mail truck.

(Donald winces)

. ..

Perry: (Clears voice nastily) Vote for me. I know where you live.

(Crowd claps hesitantly)

Perry: Good luck with that mom jeans. This elections mine.

Tasha: Before I lay out my platform, I spent some time going through the schools accounting records--

Perry: (jumps up to stand clearing throat) I withdraw.

Leo: What are you doing?

Perry: Saving a fortune in legal fees.

Chase: Wait hold on. According to the rules, it is past the deadline to withdraw.

Bree: He's right, so we still need to hear final speeches and then vote.

Perry: No speech. I vote Tasha. (Starts chant) Tasha! Tasha! Tasha! Don't make me do all the work. Tasha! Tasha! Tasha!

. ..

Donald: Well look at that. Got a parking space right next to the gym. Well, 3 spaces. Sorry ma'm I'll pay for that.

Adam: Ok just give me a second to get my backpack. It won't take long, there's nothing in it.

Donald: Wait. Is that Tasha's car?

Adam: Yeah, she's giving her big PTA speech tonight.

Donald: Ah! I forgot about that. She can't see us in this thing!

Adam: Well if she can't then she needs glasses, this thing is huge.

Donald: No I mean we gotta get out of here!

Adam: Well then go already.

Donald: I'm trying but the gear shift is stuck.

Adam: Why don't you try harder?

Donald: Ok I got it.

(Truck backs up)

Tasha And once I'm president, Mission Creek will as smoothly as my very open happy family.

(Truck bursts through back wall of gym and everyone runs screaming)

Adam: Quick! Back up before she sees us!

Tasha: DONALD!

Donald: Vote for Tasha! (Honks truck horn)

. ..

Tasha: Well thanks to you I totally lost the election. Not one person voted for me.

Chase, Bree, and Leo: YES!

Leo: You will get em' next year mom.

Donald: Because of you Perry won.

Adam: Don't be mad at Mr. Davenport I can explain everything.

Donald: Thank you.

Adam: It all started when he decided to keep the truck and hide it from you.

Tasha: What?!

Perry: (From under bricks) Get me out of here!

Tasha: Is that Principle Perry?

Perry: No it's Taylor Swift.

(Adam gasps excitedly before they all go to take off the bricks)

Donald: She's under there!

Tasha: Are you ok?

Perry: Well I'm fine, but my cupcake isn't. I don't know if that's fiber glass or sprinkles. Eh, it's all going to the same place.

. ..

Donald: Soooo...this was...fun. Alright do you prefer big bills or ah-

Perry: Nice try Richie Rich. Can you buy me off that easily. Although, there is one thing I want.

(Perry honks horn of truck)

Perry: Let's go crush some dog houses vice principle Whiskers! Hahaha! Woo-hoo!