Face the Music with the Casagrandes

''[Ronnie Anne is sleeping and snoring in her room. After yawning, she decides to get out of bed after hearing guitar music.]''

Ronnie Anne: "So much for sleeping in."

[She goes to the living room and sees Hector singing and playing guitar.]

Hector: "♫ And that's the story of Pancho, the near-sighted goat! Dun-dun! ♫" [Everyone cheers] "Gracias! I so love playing for you all, and I can't wait to watch all of you perform for me tonight. Well, I'm sure you all have a lot of rehearsing to do. Adiós!"

Ronnie Anne: "Say what?"

Carl: "Uh, that means goodbye in Spanish, duh."

Ronnie Anne: "Yes, uh, thank you, Carl, but I meant what is this performing Abuelo's talking about?"

Carlota: "It's a Casagrande family tradition for everybody to perform for Abuelo's birthday. It's the highlight of his year!"

Ronnie Anne: [Nervous] "Huh? Everybody?"

Carlota: "Yes, my dear, I will be presenting a cutting-edge fashion show. Let me give you a preview."

[Carlota presses a button on her remote control to make the room darkly lit, to make the room have spotlights, and to make the room have a runway, Lalo struts in, carrying Carlitos, and they work it.]

Bobby: "Well, that's going to be hard to top," [Carlota gives him a sour expression.] "but I'm singing a bolero. Love ballads are Abuelo's favorite. And songs about goats. Check it!"

[Carlota rolls her eyes.]

Sergio: [Squawks] "Don't forget about the real star!"

Bobby: "Oh, right, Sergio and I are doing a duet." [Whispers to Ronnie Anne] "He made me."

Frida: [Offscreen] "I made Abuelo a living painting."

Ronnie Anne: [Confused] "Who... Who said that?"

Frida: "Psst, I did!"

[Ronnie Anne looks at a rather large abstract painting, and Frida, who painted herself to blend into it, pops out.]

Ronnie Anne: [Jumps onto the couch] "Aah!"

Frida: [Laughs] "Gotcha, Mija."

[Next, CJ bounds in wearing a luchador costume.]

CJ: "Next up is the luchador show, starring me, Super CJ!"

[Carl rolls in.]

Carl: "And me, El Chupacabra of steal! Behold my power!" [Jumps at Super CJ, who stops him with one hand, and pins him with one finger, El Chupacabra starts whining] "Let me up! Come on!" [Groans]

Rosa: [Wearing a Mexican dancer's outfit] "I will perform a traditional Mexican dance to son jarocho music. And I've also made Abuelo's favorite party dish, extra spicy cocktail de camarones."

Sergio: [Who also favors this dish, squawks] "Hot shrimpies!" [Sergio charges at them, but Rosa ducks and he slams into the wall.] "Wall."

[Meanwhile, Maria is playing the harp.]

Ronnie Anne: [Amazed] "Whoa, Mom, I didn't know you played harp."

Maria: "Yup, it was a real pain in marching band."

Carlos: "Ooh, and while your mother plays, I'll read a poem I call 'Ode to Abuelo'."

Ronnie Anne: "Wow, that's all pretty impressive, guys."

Carlota: "What are you gonna do, Ronnie Anne?"

[Everyone stares at Ronnie Anne waiting for an answer.]

Ronnie Anne: [Nervously gulps] "Me?"

[Later, Ronnie Anne is with Sid on the fire escape.]

Ronnie Anne: "I don't know what to do. I can't let Abuelo down by being the only one who doesn't perform. This family doesn't mess around. Even the pets have acts."

Sid: "Don't worry, you're at least as talented as Lalo."

Ronnie Anne: "It's not about talent, it's about performing in front of people. It freaks me out."

Sid: "Why?"

Ronnie Anne: "It all started with my first grade play."

[Flashback to that play, Ronnie Anne is dressed as a tree.]

Young Ronnie Anne: "Welcome to the magic forest."

[Then, she trips on a fake bush and falls on her face and the audience gasp.]

Kid in the Audience: "TIMBER!"

[The audience laughs at her, and then the flashback ends to the present day.]

Ronnie Anne: "If I ever find that kid who yelled timber."

Sid: "Maybe I can help you with your stage fright. Do you know a song you can sing for your Abuelo?"

Ronnie Anne: "Maybe."

Sid: "Then, all you need is some practice singing it in front of other people. And I know exactly where to start."

[Later, the two girls are at the subway station.]

Ronnie Anne: "Are you serious? The GLART?"

Sid: "Yeah. Subway trains are the perfect stage. Good lighting, nice acoustics, and you'll never see any of these people again!"

[Just then, Flip walks behind them, and the train arrives, the girls get on, Sid takes out a portable speaker and turns on the music, everybody looks at them.]

Ronnie Anne: [Scared and sweaty] "Ah... Ah... Ah..."

Sid: "You can do this."

Stanley: [Comes out of the conductors car.] "Just a reminder, there's no amplified music allowed on the GLART." [Sees who it is] "Girls?"

Sid: [Yelling] "Oh, hi, Dad! I was just trying to help Ronnie Anne with her stage fright." [Ronnie Anne starts blushing and tries to hide her face, and Sid gets louder.] "She's horribly embarrassed when she's the center of attention!" [The music stops and Sid realizes that she's horribly embarrassing Ronnie Anne now.] "What am I saying?!" [Tries to hide her friend] "Everyone stop looking at her!"

[The two girls exit the subway tunnels.]

Sid: "Hey, sorry about that."

Ronnie Anne: "It's okay. I know you were just trying to help."

[The girls despondently walk along, when they see a street performer.]

Buskbey: [Aggravated, picks up his hat] "I'm outta here. This street is dead." [Leaves]

Sid: "Wait, that just gave me an idea!"

[Sid turns the speaker back on, and Ronnie Anne tries to sing on an empty street, but unfortunately for her, a bunch of people gather around.]

Passerby #1: [To her husband] "Oh, look, honey, it's a street entertainer."

[They see that Ronnie Anne's just standing still.]

Passerby #2: "What is she doing?"

Passerby #1: "Oh, I know, she's one of those statue people."

Passerby #2: "She's good."

[Unaware that Ronnie Anne is just frozen in fear, they start throwing coins at her, Ronnie Anne is still to scared to move, Sid sees money at Ronnie Anne's feet and starts picking it up.]

[Eventually, the girls return to the apartment.]

Ronnie Anne: "Thanks for your help, Sid, but, this is a lost cause, there's no way I can sing at Abuelo's party." [Gets an idea] "Hey! Maybe I could get him a really nice gift instead, something he's always wanted."

Sid: "That's a great idea! What would he like?"

Ronnie Anne: "Good question."

[Later, in the mercado, Ronnie Anne peers out the stock room door, closes it, and turns the lights on.]

Sid: "What is this place?"

Ronnie Anne: "The stock room, and Abuelo's office."

Sid: [Amazed] "Oh, wow! Your Abuelo is really into music." [sees an entire bookcase of musical instruments] "Look at all these fun instruments!" [Picks up an egg shaker] "Shakey eggs," [then a cabasa] "spinny things," [then a güiro] "fish guy. Ooh!" [picks up a file and a rod] "And this is the best one yet!" [Starts playing what she thinks is an instrument.]

Ronnie Anne: "Uh, Sid, that's Abuelo's bunion scraper." [Sid has mixed emotions, and Ronnie Anne sees something.] "Sid, I got it!" [Takes a sheet off a worn-out conga drum] "Abuelo needs a new conga!"

Sid: [Satisfied] "Oh, yeah, that's it."

Ronnie Anne: "I know, right?

[Ronnie Anne sees that Sid using the bunion scraper on her foot, Sid stops.]

Sid: "Okay, real talk, get me one of these for my birthday."

[Later, Ronnie Anne returns to the apartment, with a new conga.]

Ronnie Anne: "Abuelo's going to love this."

[Suddenly, she hears Vito and Hector talking outside the window.]

Vito: "Hey, you must be looking forward to all those birthday gifts, Hector."

Hector: "Oh, Vito, I don't care about gifts. No material good can compare to the joy of watching my family perform. It makes me so proud to see them taking after their Abuelito."

Ronnie Anne: "Aw, what do I do now?"

[She takes the conga drum to her room, but when she passes by Bobby's room, she hears him and Sergio practicing their duet and opens his door.]

Bobby & Sergio: "♫ Amor amor amor ♫"

[Ronnie Anne gets an idea.]

Sergio: [Squawks, aggravated] "Stop! Stop! You're flat!"

Bobby: [Also aggravated] "No I'm not! You're sharp!"

Sergio: "I'll show you sharp!" [Points his claws at Bobby, hissing, Bobby shrieks.]

Ronnie Anne: [Runs in] "Guys, don't fight! You both sound great. Hey, crazy idea, but could you use a third member to round out the band? You don't have any percussion, and I just happen to have a conga." [Smiles]

Bobby: "Really? That's awesome!"

Ronnie Anne: "Yeah! I could just play it in the back where no one can see me or, you know, whatever." [Smiles again]

Bobby: "Sounds good. Welcome aboard."

Sergio: [Squawks] "Don't steal my spotlight."

Ronnie Anne: "Oh, don't worry, there's no chance of that." [Smiles slyly]

[Later that night, at the party, Carlos and Maria are doing their performance.]

Carlos: "It's true, mi familia, he's the handsomest fellow, el señor mas guapo we all call Abuelo!"

[Maria starts going crazy on the harp, she starts shredding on it heavy and breathing hard, she then holds it over her head yelling, and smashes it on the ground.]

Maria: [Throws up the goats] "Yes!"

''[Carlos tosses his poem aside and stands next to his sister with nothing to say. Everyone applauds.]''

Hector: "Another year, another great performance from my two ecos chulos!"

Bobby: [Nudges his own sister] "Come on, Ronnie Anne. We're up next." [Goes over]

Ronnie Anne: [To herself] "Okay, nothing to be nervous about. Just performing in front of family."

[Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.]

Hector: [As Maybelle, Vito, Margarita, Mr. Nakamura, Nelson, and Par walk in.] "Oh, good! You made it! This is an historic occasion; the first time Bobby and Ronnie Anne are performing at my birthday party."

Ronnie Anne: [Gulps] "Still going to be fine. I can hide behind this big ol' conga."

Bobby: "Hey, where's Sergio?"

Sergio: [Pops out of the kitchen window, to exhausted to fly, and voice strained.] "Water." [Coughs] "Water." [Coughs]

Bobby: [Aghast] "Sergio, what happened to your voice?"

Rosa: [Offscreen] "Who ate all the spicy shrimp cocktail?!"

Sergio: [Coughs] "Wasn't me." [Coughs up a shrimp, it lands on the floor and the oil bubbles, Sergio passes out.]

Bobby: [Panicky] "Aah! What are we gonna do? The bolero has a two-part harmony. Ronnie Anne, you know the words. You gotta sing Sergio's part." [Ronnie Anne wants to protest, but she's too scared, she gulps as Bobby grabs her arm and pulls her over, and gives her a microphone, Ronnie Anne sees everyone staring at her and gulps again.] "Okay. One, two, uno, dos, tres, cuatro." [Starts playing his guitar]

Bobby:

''♫ Amor amor amor You are lo mejor ♫'' ''[Bobby looks over at his sister, who's still sputtering. She sees Bobby giving her a look to start singing, but she gets even more scared and drops the microphone. She doesn't know what else to do, so she runs to hide in her room, Rosa and Hector look at each other.]''

Rosa and Hector: "Hmm?"

[In her room, Ronnie Anne is laying on her bed with a pillow over her face, there's a knock at her door.]

Ronnie Anne: "Come in."

Hector: [Comes in] "What's wrong, mija? Are you okay?"

Ronnie Anne: [Takes the pillow off her face.] "I ruined your birthday, Abuelo; I really wanted to sing for you, but I just get so nervous in front of people. I'm sorry, you must be so disappointed in me."

Hector: "No way. I totally understand. It happens to everyone, including me."

Ronnie Anne: [Surprised] "You? But Abuelo, you love performing. You never get nervous."

Hector: "Well, I wasn't always that way. Let me tell you about my first grade play;" [Flashback to that play, Hector dressed as a cactus.] "I was on stage for a patriotic Mexican play, dressed in a nopal costume, the Mexican eagle was about to land on me, holding a serpent."

Young Hector: "Viva Mexi-"

[Suddenly he trips, the same way his granddaughter would.]

Kid in Audience: "Viva que?!" [Laughs]

[End of flashback]

Hector: "If I ever find that guy who yelled viva que."

Ronnie Anne: "I know the feeling."

Hector: "That gave me some pretty bad stage fright for a while. Took me many tries before I finally felt comfortable performing." [Puts his arm around Ronnie Anne.] "So no need to rush it. You'll know when you're ready. And don't worry, I plan to have plenty of birthday parties in the future." [Kisses his granddaughter's forehead.]

Ronnie Anne: "Thank you, Abuelo. That really helps."

Hector: "And I still didn't tell you the worst part yet. After I fell, I had ten cactus spines in my bone piece, one they've still never found."

[The two laugh]

Ronnie Anne: "You're the funniest grandpa ever."

Hector: "Now let's get back to the party. We gotta catch the last act." [The two return to the party.] "The show must go on!" [Everyone cheers] "Bobby, how about I sing the duet with you?"

Bobby: [Excited] "Uno, dos, tres!" [Plays his guitar]

Bobby and Hector:

''♫ Amor amor amor You are lo mejor You're the greatest, greatest of all time ♫''

Bobby:

♫ Mi amor ♫

Bobby and Hector:

♫ So glad you're mine ♫

Rosa:

♫ You're the butter in my butterfly ♫

Sid:

♫ You're the sun ♫

Carlota:

♫ In my sunshine ♫

Vito:

♫ You're the gold ♫

Carlos:

♫ In my gold mine ♫

Maria:

♫ And the funny ♫

Carl:

♫ In my punchline ♫

All:

♫ (Greatest of all time) You're the greatest, greatest of all time ♫

Carl:

♫ Greatest of all time ♫

All:

''♫ Mi amor, so glad you're mine Amor amor amor You are lo major ♫''

Ronnie Anne: "Hmm, everyone's on stage. There's technically no audience to stare at me."

''[She takes a breath and gets up to join, but slips on the shrimp Sergio hawked up and falls. Hector helps his granddaughter up.]''

Hector: "You take after your Abuelito in more ways than one."

All:

♫ You're the greatest, greatest of all time ♫

[Pans over to Maybelle playing the conga, and Sid playing the bunion scraper again.]

♫ Mi amor, so glad you're mine ♫

[Sid looks at the scraper, and starts scraping her foot again, and falls over.]

''♫ You're the greatest, greatest of all time Mi amor, so glad you're mine Mi amor, so glad you're mine! ♫''

[Everyone cheers and holler in excitement.]