SpongeBob SquarePants: Lights, Camera, Pants! (pc video game)


 * Spongebob: HOORAY! I'm first in line. First in line... First in line... Firs in line! Hi, I'm here to audition for The 'New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.'
 * Receptionist: Congrats, you are the first in line. Um, actually... You seem to be the only one in line.
 * Spongebob: Yeah, uh, I must be early.
 * Receptionist: Well step forward and we can process your application.
 * Spongebob: Application?
 * Receptionist: Yes, you should have a properly completed application and release Form.
 * Spongebob: Oh right! Now I just have to remember where I put it. Let's see. Did I put it! In my pocket? Nope! Maybe I put it in my shoe for safe keeping. Hmmm, maybe I should check my...
 * Receptionist: Oh, for crying out loud! Will you just come over here already!! Ok, even it though you don't have your application I'll make an exception just this once.
 * Spongebob: You are nice. Trust me, you won't be sorry. When I become a famous actor I'll be sure to thank all the little fishes that helped me rise to the top.
 * Receptionist: Yeah, well, whatever you say. Right this way, Mr.??
 * Spongebob: I'm SpongeBob SquarePants!
 * Receptionist: Ok, Mr. SquarePants. The Producer, Gill Hammerstein, will be waiting for you past the door. I'm buzzing you right now.
 * Gill Hammerstein: No!! I only do studio filming you crawfish! Fliming 'On Location' is for chumheads that can't act their way out of a fishbowl. Have you seen the last 'Ocean Wars?' OHH!! Now I'm upset!!!!
 * Spongebob: Um ...Hello, I...
 * Gill Hammerstein: What?! Oh nothing, I'm busy right now. Let's do lunch. Who are you?
 * Spongebob: I'm SpongeBob SquarePants, and I'm here to audition for The New Adventures of Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy.
 * Gill Hammerstein: That is the worst stage name I have ever heard. Anyway, sorry kid, the show has officially been cancelled.
 * Spongebob: What?! Why? Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are the most beloved superheroes of all time.
 * Gill Hammerstein: Well, that may be kid, but I can't film a T.V. show without any supporting actors and none showed up today to audition. Well, besides you.
 * Spongebob: Hmmm... I know lots of people that would love to be in this show.
 * Gill Hammerstein: That's great kid, but audiences these days want big name actors, amazing special effects, and horrible scripts. Well, our script is horrible, but that's the only thing we've ot going for us.
 * Spongebob: Mr. Hammerstein, I could get a full cast together in no time. I have lots of friends all over Bikini Bottom. I know you'd have to risk to relay on me...
 * Gill Hammerstein: I work in television, kid. I never take risks. But ...I am desperate. Maybe you've got something here kid. Yeah, yeah I like it! Ok kid, go to this crazy plan we're going to need a bunch of actors, so take this play bill and get out there and find some. O yeah! If you find any interesting props for the show bring those back too. The bigger the better! You should probably talk to the 'Stars' too. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are just outside my office.
 * Spongebob: Oh my gosh, I get to meet Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?
 * Gill Hammerstein: Yeah sure, now get out of here and get to work! You're beautiful!!!!
 * Spongebob: Well, what are you going to do?
 * Gill Hammerstein: Like I said kid, I'm a producer. It's my job not to do anything and look busy doing it.
 * Spongebob: Hello Checker Lady!
 * Old Lady: Shhhh!! Don't disturb me! his is an important move Sonny.
 * Spongebob: Checkers! I can play?
 * Old Lady: Not yet, I am still working on my mystery.
 * Spongebob: Ok, I will check back later. Checkers! Can I play?
 * Old Lady: Yes...
 * Spongebob: You know I have played this game before; only we used live Jellyfish!
 * Old lady: Aarrgh!
 * Spongebob: Oooo, what does this do?
 * Old lady: Oooooohhhh! That's it! I'm outta here. You are impossible!
 * Spongebob: Huh, She left in a hurry. Must be nap time. Checkers is a tough game to master.
 * Old Lady: It sure is, but you're pretty advanced for a kid your age.
 * Spongebob: Hey, right back at yah... Would you like to be in a T.V. show that isn't afraid to go out on a limb and hire an elderly cast?
 * Old Lady: Sure, but who're you calling elderly?
 * Spongebob: Oh my gosh! It's really them! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy!!!!
 * Barnacle Boy: That's great kid. Now, if you don't mind, get out of the way. You're blocking our view of the TV.
 * Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy! That's no way to treat our young hero-in-training.
 * Spongebob: I have so much to do before filming can begin The New Adventures of Barnacle Boy... Do you think I can ask you guys a few questions to help steer me in the right direction?
 * Mermaid Man: Ask away. Just be sure to speak loud enough. I can't hear too well anymore.
 * Spongebob: Do you think I can show this save? I mean, save this show?
 * Mermaid Man: Well now, sure yah can, you little whippersnapper. In all my years I don't think I've ever met such an energetic kid! Well, besides Barnacle Boy of course.
 * Spongebob: Thanks! I feel more confident already. But, I'm actually not a snapper... I'm a Spongebob! Do you think I could see it Mermalair?
 * Barnacle Boy: Sorry, the Mermalair is for the International Justice League of Super Acquaintances only.
 * Mermaid Man: Say to say that he's not kidding, kiddo! Ooh! I rhymed. Kind of.
 * Spongebob: What kind of actors should I look for?
 * Barnacle Boy: Well kid, to make a good T.V. show you need all kinds of characters.
 * Mermaid Man: He's right. You need heroes, villains, and a screaming woman or two.
 * Spongebob: I know crime fighting has a lot to do with research, but shouldn't you two be out fighting EVIL?
 * Mermaid Man: EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 * Barnacle Boy: Oh no, now yah went and got him all riled up.
 * Mermaid Man: EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 * Spongebob: Ummm... I'm gonna go ahead and get working on the show. Bye!
 * Mermaid Man: Do you know where the remote is Barnacle Boy?
 * Barnacle Boy: You had it last yah old coot, and I saw you drop it down between the seat cushions during your idday 'nap'.
 * Mermaid Man: Dagnabbit! It must of went down the super secret entrance to the Mermaidlair.
 * Barnacle Boy: I wonder if that old blowfish is ever gonna get up and let us have a chance to play.
 * Mermaid Man: Anxious to resume your learning of the game of my young ward?
 * Barnacle Boy: Yeah, sure, you read my mind.
 * Mermaid Man: I can read minds? I wish I'd known about that power before. It would have come in handy lots of times. I hope they serving meatloaf today.
 * Barnacle Boy: They serve meatloaf everyday.
 * Mermaid Man: Oh, right. We should probably get in the lunch line then.
 * Barnacle Boy: It's only 7 A.M!
 * Mermaid Man: All of you youngsters are procrastinators these days.
 * Spongebob: Hi guys!
 * Barnacle Boy: It's not like that we don't love your enthusiasm, now we are conducting serious criminal research.
 * Mermaid Man: We are?
 * Barnacle Boy: Yes, er are.
 * Mermaid Man: Say no more.
 * Spongebob: Sea creatures UNITE!!!
 * Barnacle Boy: I really wish that lady wasn't hogging the board.
 * Mermaid Man: Patience is a virtue my young ally.
 * Barnacle Boy: Not at our age!
 * Spongebob: Yah know, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy would really like to play a game of checkers right now.
 * Old Lady: Why should I care? When you're as old as I am, you gotta have a really good reason to get up from a seated position.
 * Spongebob: Ummm... Is there anyway you would get up to let them play?
 * Old Lady: I am a bit hungry Sonny, but I'll only get up for my favorite meal.
 * Spongebob: Hey, do you know what is being served in the cafeteria right now?
 * Old Lady: No, is lunch being served early today?
 * Sponegbob: Oh yeah, to celebrate, uh, National Meatloaf Day.
 * Old lady: Meatloaf! I love meatloaf!
 * Spongebob: Well, you better go get in the lunch line then.
 * Old Lady: There you go... Toot-ta-loo!
 * Spongebob: It sure is a good thing that I'm an invertebrate. Whoa!!! I can't believe it! I'm really in the Mermalair!!!! I can't wait to snoop... I mean... Look around.
 * Man Ray: HAHAHA!!! You fool! Now I am free from that accursed prison of mayonnaise like condiments. Do you, little yellow Sponge Boy, have any idea the evil you have released upon the world?!?!
 * Spongebob: Of course! You're Man Ray, the most powerful villain in the sea. Oh, you're the greatest!!!!
 * Man Ray: Yes, I... You're fan of the evil and hated Man Ray?
 * Spongebob: You bet! They just don't make villains like you anymore.
 * Man Ray: Flattery can only delay your ultimate destruction for the moment, but if you must, please continue...
 * Spongebob: Nobody could fight Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, the way you did!
 * Man Ray: Thank you... Thank you... The importance of villainy is often overlooked, but the day of reckoning is at hand!
 * Spongebob: You know... I'm helping to east the New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy... Have you ever played a super villain? Would you like to...
 * Man Ray: No, I'm through making those fools look good. HAHAHA!!! Now, I am ready to escape this cave and begin my revenge!!!! You cannot stop me!!!! HAHAHA!!!!
 * Spongebob: I have to catch him! I bet he's headed for the exit!
 * Man Ray: It's useless to pursue me boy!!! My wrath cannot be caged any longer!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!
 * Spongebob: He's so amazing!!! I have to find some way to stop him and convince him to be in the show.
 * Man Ray: You chase continues Foolish Child? You do not posses the power to stop me!!!!
 * Spongebob: Oh no! I'm running out of chances. Hmm... Wait a second... If I remember correctly... In episode 17 of the Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy... Aha!! They used the Tickle Belt on him! When Justice needs a Hand... Uh... Use this machine. Holy Fish Under the SEA!!!! It's the WALL OF GADGETS!!!!!! The Infamous Tickle Belt!!!! Time to fight for truth, justice, and laughter!!!! Seeing Mermaid Man's disguise in person really makes if obvious why nobody ever discovered his secret identity. The Aqua-Rang is definitely not a toy! It caused the Atlantis riots '66. The Feared Tarter Gun!!! You knew things were serious when Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy pulled this out! The Crustaceous Hammer!!!! It's power can penetrate even the hardest of shells! The ULTRA Grinder 3000! This thing must make awesome fat-free yogurt. A squink ink bomb... Used to help Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy escape danger! The trusty of Cosmic Ray. It may not be pretty, but it gets the job done. Barnacle Boy's Paddle-Ball of Fury! Only it could break the concentration of the evil Dr. OctoFish! Whoa! The Bubble Wand of Doom!!!! The beautiful air-filled suds it produces can entrance even the most evil of supervillains. Ah, the GPS boot... Used in episode 18 to help track down and save of netted tuna! The Tripe-Headed Bolo Anchor... Not even the Atomic Flounder could escape it's grasp! The Shell-Com... This device proves that good communication is definitely a powerful item.
 * Man Ray: The time has come!!!! Finally, my rage will be released unto the world!!! All I have to do is walk out the door... Ouch!! What is this!?!? Some type of Force Field prevents my path to the door! No! I will not be defeated by such a worn out cliche! I must remove it!!!!
 * Spongebob: Hmmm... The Invisible Boat-Mobile must be blocking his way ...Now is my chance! Here goes nothing! And... Activate tickle!
 * Man Ray: What ... What is this? HAHAHA!!! Stop!!!! No... No... Stop!!!! AHAHAHA!!!!!
 * Spongebob: Man Baby, baby, I really wan t you to reconsider being in my show.
 * Man Ray: HAHAHA!!! Never!!!
 * Spongebob: Ok, I guess I'll just have to leave you there then.
 * Man Ray: No... HAHA!!!! Wait... I'll... HAHA!! I'll be in the show you fifthly do-gooder... HAHA!!!
 * Spongebob: Ok then... um, how do I stop this thing anyhow?
 * Man Ray: You... HAHA!!!! You Fool!!! I demand an end to this torture NOW!!!!
 * Spongebob: Oh, maybe this is the off switch. Hi, buddy! Boy am I having an exciting day. What are you up to?
 * Patrick: Hey, Spongebob... I just finished setting up my new business.
 * Spongebob: Oh yeah? What's the business?
 * Patrick: Well let me be the first to welcome you to the all new "Starfish L-E-M-O-N-A-D-E." "A cup a day keeps your thirsty away!"
 * Spongebob: Where did you get the stuff to build this stand?
 * Patrick: Oh, I, uh, borrowed it from the dumpster behind the Krusty Krab. Can you believe old man Krabs would actually throw this stuff away?
 * Spongebob: Can I have a cup of your lemonade?
 * Patrick: What size do you want?? Regular. Huge. Super. or "MEGA"?
 * Spongebob: Hmmm... I just realized I don't have any money, so I can't but any.
 * Patrick: No big deal pal! Every size is free except 'MEGA'.
 * Spongebob: Um, Patrick... Why would anyone pay for a 'MEGA' size cup when they could just order a regular one for free?
 * Patrick: Uhhh....
 * Spongebob: Ok, I'll take the regular cup then!
 * Patrick: Ok, commin' right up! Oh, barnacles!!! Sorry, Spongebob I only have 'MEGA' sized cups. If you get 25 cents, just come back.
 * Spongebob: Gone to Tentacle Acres... Good Riddance... This is signed by Squidward!!! Where is Tentacle Acres anyway?
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, ohhhhh...
 * Doctor: Now just relax Mr. Krabs. Getting yourself upset is just not going to help.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well that's easy for you to say... You're not the one whose life has just been ruined!
 * Spongebob: What's wrong Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: I'd like to tell you me boy, but it's just too horrible to put into words.
 * Spongebob: Oh no! What is that? IS the Krusty Krab closing down?
 * Mr. Krabs: No.
 * Spongebob: Did a customer find a scale in the Gallery Grub again?
 * Mr. Krabs: It's much worse lad.
 * Spongebob: I can't take it anymore! What is it?!?
 * Mr. Krabs: All right! I'll tell yah... But I'm warning yah... This news ain't for the faint of heart. I... I... I can't count me money anymore!
 * Spongebob: Gasp!
 * Mr. Krabs: I told you it was terrible boy. Now, please boy. Now, please leave me alone. Your you! youthful energy is just too much for his old crab to bear.
 * Spongebob: Hi, are you a doctor?
 * Doctor: Yes, and I'm attending to my patient right now. If you need anything, please ask me quickly.
 * Spongebob: Why can't Mr. Krabs count money anymore?
 * Doctor: Unfortunately, Mr. Kras is suffering from a rare condition called 'Greedious Crustaceanous Too Cheapus.' Better known as 'Clawpul Tunnel Syndrome'.
 * Spongebob: Do you usually make house, er, business calls?
 * Doctor: Are you kidding? I hardly even spend time with the patients that come into my office. I was on my lunch break when this cheapskate pulled me in here. I'm obligated to treat anyone in neeed due to "The Shrumpoctratic Oath".
 * Spongebob: Is there anything I can do to help Mr. Krabs?
 * Doctor: Only The Royal Fry Cook, who wields the Golden Spatula, can create a patty pure enough to cure Mr. Krabs.
 * Spongebob: Where can I find the Golden Spatula?
 * Doctor: The Golden Spatula can be found at the Fry Cook Museum here in Bikini Bottom, but.
 * Spongebob: But, but, but, but what?
 * Doctor: Well, you should go see for yourself.
 * Spongebob: My Frygrill's like an artist's can was... For creating mouth-watering masterpieces! I'll take one 'MEGA' cup of lemonade!
 * Patrick: Wahoo! My first customer!
 * Spongebob: Whoa! That was serious stuff.
 * Patrick: Oh, darn it!
 * Spongebob: What's the matter? That was great lemonade. This business is gonna be a hit!
 * Patrick: I forgot to get more cups though. Tat was my last, er, my only one. Oh, I guess I'm going out of business.
 * Spongebob: Good for you! Well, now that you're out of job, would you like to be in the 'New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?'
 * Patrick: Oh, would I ever!!