The Big Candy Store

ANIMANIACS TRANSCRIPTIONS --- EPISODE #8 ======================================== THE BALLAD OF THE WARNERS - Animation: WANG FILM PRODUCTIONS Just listen up, and you'll hear a tale, A tale of the Warner three, When from the water-tower, they did try to flee! They shot into the puffy clouds, Some seeds to make it rain. And rain it did, so much in fact, The tower floated away! All around L.A.! When the rain dried up, the tower was aground On the Burbank lot. The Warner Brothers, they escaped, With their sister Dot; And they took off like a shot. Now they're being chased around The Warners Studio By Scratchansniff, And Hello Nurse, The C.E.O., Ralph the Guard, Some movie stars, The Professor and Mary-Ann, On the Warners' lot! MAIN TITLE -- Music: RICHARD STONE Lyrics: TOM RUEGGER Director: RICH ARONS Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA LTD.   "It's time for Animaniacs,     And we're zany to the max!     we're cracking at the Hub;     Gonna make a big hubbub     We're An-i-man-i, totally insan-ey, DOT: Here's the show's namey!     Animaniacs!" COLIN - Animation: STARTOONS One time, okay, see, one time Randy Beaman's mom had a dream that she ate a *big* marshmallow, and it was really good, and she-and when she woke up her pillow was gone, 'cause she ate it! 'Kay, bye! THE BIG CANDY STORE --- Story by: SHERRI STONER and PAUL RUGG Written by: PAUL RUGG Director: JON McCLENAHAN Animation: STARTOONS {Dance of the Sugar-plum Fairy} SISTER: Beggin' yer pardon, son! FLAX'D: Yes? Yes? What?What?What? SISTER: I'm Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July, and -- well, I was wonderin', Mr. Flaxseed -- our orphanage hasn't much money, and, well -- would you consider donating some of your fine candies to       our sweet boys and girls for our Easter celebration? FLAX'D: You mean -- for free?!? SISTER: Yes, exactly! FLAX'D: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-ha!!! NO! SISTER: Oof! ... Pbtbtbtbtbthb! FLAX'D: Deadbeats! Where DO they come from? {Light Cavalry} YAKKO: How's *that* for an entrance? WAKKO: DOT:   Look! SINGERS:[Offscreen] Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! YAKKO: One of these days, I'm gonna find those singers! {Warners' theme} FLAX'D: Hmmm? Oh!! What horrifying little children! {Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy} I shall be frightened for hours! Go away! Go away!! Shoo, shoo! You frighten me! {Warners' theme} DOT:   Look! He's waving at us! What a nice man! He wants us to come in! {Parody of "The Candyman"} Y,W,D: The Candyman's swell, One look and you can tell, That this nice man wears a toupee! WAKKO: Please don't mind what I will now say! I think that you should wear ... a beret! Y,W,D: Hey! Y & W: We're the Warner Brothers! DOT:   And the Warner sister! FLAX'D: Buy something or leave! YAKKO: I *like* him! Don't you? {Parody of the Candyman} WAKKO: This is a great store, Mr. Candyman! FLAX'D: I'm not the Candyman! DOT:   Well, you sell candy, don'cha, kid? FLAX'D: I'm *not* a kid! YAKKO: Relax, my good man! FLAX'D: I am not your good man!! YAKKO: Hmmmm...we're running out of options here. FLAX'D: What - do you want?! YAKKO: Well, world peace would be nice... and a Chevrolet in every driveway ... an end to pestilence and famine ... and pestilence...       Until then -- we're just browsing! {Warners' theme} FLAX'D: Stop! Stop -- stop *touching* everything! If you want to see something, ask! DOT:   All right! We'd like to see the jellybeans! WAKKO: Not those! *Those*! GOAT:  Baa-aa-aa! A'NAUT:  Come in, Houston! DOT:   Don't look down! You might fall and hit your head and die and your brains would leak out all over! FLAX'D: Goh! Uuh -- ooh! YAKKO: Whoaaa! Dumber than advertised! FLAX'D: [Panting] There! Now...how many do you want? YAKKO: Oh, we don't *want* any! We just wanted to SEE 'em! Y,W,D: Thank you! FLAX'D: Right! So you're making fun of me! YAKKO: We aren't making fun of ya! THIS is making fun of ya: Y,W,D: [In stupid voices] We sell candy! We sell candy! DOT:   See the difference? {Warners' theme} WAKKO: [Grabbing taffy] I love a taffy pull! FLAX'D: Give that to me! ... Eaaaaaaoooowwwgh! Y,W,D: Choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-Whoooo-whoooo! Sssssssshh! DOT:   You dropped your hair! {I Dream of Jeannie} FLAX'D: Blblblbl! Bleugh! Now this *really* takes the cake! {Happy Birthday to You} WAKKO: Where do you want us to take 'em? FLAX'D: Ooooouuuugh!! Either you BUY something right now, or I shall delight in throwing you out of here! {Warners' theme} YAKKO: That's going to be a problem ... See, we don't have any money. DOT:   Can we have something for free? FLAX'D: For FREE!?! Y,W,D: Ooouuugh! YAKKO: Hey! He can't do that to us! Y,W,D: Doouuugh! YAKKO: On second thought, @@@@@h -- maybe he can! YAKKO: Telegram for Ferman Flaxseed! How about a tip? FLAX'D: Don't eat lead! WAKKO: Didja miss us? DOT:   Give us a kiss, kid! WAKKO: Look! Malted milk balls! Pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt-pt! WAKKO: I'm out! FLAX'D: Naugh-ty, naugh-ty children! SISTER: Stop right there! You put those children down, you beast!! FLAX'D: But, you -- don't understand! They were-- W & D: Waaaaa--hhhhh! SISTER: Come on, girls! That's the one I toldja about! Get him!! FLAX'D: Wait! You're nuns! You're not allowed to resort to physical violence! SISTER: He's right! ... Let us pray. NUNS:  [Praying mumblingly] {Fighting Irish theme (or parody thereof)} SISTER: Our prayers have been answered! Y,W,D: Clobber Flaxseed, clobber Flaxseed! Sis-boom-bah! Fighting Irish, fighting Irish! Rah! Rah! Rah! DOT:   Goooooo, Flaxseed!! Just kidding! {Shave and a Haircut} YAKKO: You should go hit the shower! WAKKO: Make sure to wash behind your ears! {This is the Way We Wash our Clothes} DOT:   He's so cute! {Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star} SISTER: I know all of us here at the orphanage want to thank the Warner Brothers -- DOT:   And the Warner sister! SISTER: ...for donatin' this lovely chocolate Easter Bunny to the children! KIDS:  [Cheering] YAKKO: Wait'll they get to the creamy filling! [Eyebrows] COLIN - Animation: STARTOONS One time, okay, see, one time Randy Beaman's aunt was sitting on the-on the front porch, and she, and she was in her bare feet, and she felt a lick and she thought it was her dog licking her feet, but it wasn't, it was this crazy guy that did that a lot. 'Kay, bye!