The Third Mouse

Pinky: NARF! IT WAS RIGHT AFTER THE WAR, IN VIENNA. I DON'T REMEMBER WHICH WAR, BUT IT WAS RIGHT AFTER IT. I HAD LOST TRACK OF BRAIN UNTIL HE SENT ME A TELLYGRAM. IT SAID "STOP." POIT. IT TOOK ME LONGER THAN I EXPECTED, WHAT WITH ALL THOSE STOPS AND ALL. IT HAD BEEN A VERY LONG TRIP, AND I WAS LOOKIN' FORWARD TO A NICE BATH. OH, I DO HOPE THEY HAVE INDOOR PLUMBING.

I BEG YOUR PARDON. UH, YOU WOULDN'T BE THE INTERNATIONAL PLUMBING EXPERT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, WOULD YOU?

I SHOWERED ONCE.

SPLENDID. I'D LIKE YOU TO SPEAK TO OUR LOCAL CIVIC GROUP. TELL NO ONE. EXCUSE ME. I'M LOOKING FOR THE BRAIN. HERR BRAIN? OH, I AM SO SORRY. YOU ARE TOO LATE. EGAD! HE HATES IT WHEN I'M LATE! CAN I SEE HIM? NO, NO. I AM SORRY. IS NOT SO GOOD. YOU SEE, HERR BRAIN MET WITH AN UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT. I AM AFRAID HE IS QUITE DEAD. OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. HE'S EXPECTING ME. YOU MISUNDERSTAND. HE, UH, HOW YOU SAY SLEEPS AMONG THE ANGELS. HE IS DEAD AS A DOORNAIL. WILL HE BE COMING HERE SOON? NO! HE IS A STIFF! A CORPSE! A GONER! POIT. JUST LET HIM KNOW I'M HERE. HE'S KAPUT! HE BOUGHT THE FARM! KICKED THE BUCKET! WENT TO THE GREAT LAB CAGE IN THE SKY! SO CAN I USE HIS BATHTUB UNTIL HE COMES BACK? ARGH! [IMITATING PETER LORRE] EXCUSE ME. PERHAPS WE CAN BE OF ASSISTANCE? OH. WELLI USUALLY BATHE ALONE. YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE LATE HERR BRAIN? HE'S LATE? NARF! I THOUGHT I WAS LATE. YOU WILL COME WITH US. IT HAPPENED RIGHT ABOUT HERE. IT WAS QUITE SUDDEN. THE EXPLOSION WENT, HOW YOU SAY? OH, YES--BOOM. IT WAS MOST UNFORTUNATE. HIS HEAD-- IS QUITE LARGE, YES. HE WAS DASHED TO A MILLIONS OF PIECES! TORN FROM THE LIMBS TO THE LIMBS! BLOWN UP TO KINGDOM COMING! NARF! TOO BAD BRAIN WASN'T HERE. HE ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT TO DO. MMM! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BRAIN! EGAD, SO AM I. THAT SORT OF MAKES FOR A CONVERSATION, DOESN'T IT? WE WERE THE ONLY MICE TO SEE THE ACCIDENT. JA. JUST US. THE 2 OF US. 2. PSST! THERE WAS A THIRD MOUSE. POIT! WOULD THAT BE MORE THAN 2, THEN? OH! AAH! DO NOT TRUST ANYONE IN VIENNA, HERR PINKY, EXCEPT US TWO. JA. WE WERE HERR BRAIN'S BEST FRIENDS. OHHHH! HA. YOU MUST BE, IF HE LET'S YOU CALL HIM "HAIR BRAIN. " NARF! BY THE WAY, WHERE IS BRAIN? HE'S EXPECTING ME. HELLO? HMM. ZERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO CONVINCE YOU. [SNIFFLES] IT IS SO SAD. HERR BRAIN'S PASSING. WHERE? I GIVE UP. POOR BRAIN. HE LOVED RAINY DAYS SO. HE WOULD LAUGH AND SAY THE SKY WAS CRYING. YES, AND THEN HE'D HIT YOU ON THE HEAD WITH A PENCIL. OH, THOSE WERE THE DAYS. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM LATELY? WHY, NO. WHY DO YOU ASK? WHY WOULD I SEE HIM? WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING? WHAT DO YOU KNOW? THE LYRICS TO YAKKO'S WORLD. PLEASE, NO! YOU MUST STOP LOOKING FOR THE BRAIN. HE WANTS-- I MEAN, HE WOULD HAVE WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE. Pinky: SOMETHING VERY STRANGE WAS DEFINITELY GOING ON. FOR ONE THING, EVERYONE WAS TALKING WITH FUNNY ACCENTS. THEN, SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING. WELL, NOT EVERYTHING. I MEAN, EVERYONE WAS STILL TALKING WITH FUNNY ACCENTS-- [GERMAN ACCENT] COME MIT ME! SEE? DAH! NO! NARF! WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME? YOU WILL FIND OUT IN TIME. [TIRES SQUEAL] [TROLLEY BELL RINGS] POIT! YEEE! AUSMACHEN! NAAARRRF IT IS ZE TIME! AH, IT'S OUR HONORED GUEST, THE INTERNATIONAL PLUMBING EXPERT. WHERE? OH! YOU MEAN, ME? WHAT DO YOU ZINK OF OUR INTERCONNECTED PLUMBING SYSTEM IN VIENNA? POIT! I'M JUST LOOKIN' FOR THE BRAIN. YES, ZE DRAIN! OF COURSE! VE MUST BE CONCERNED WITH PROPER DRAINAGE. I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU. WILL YOU COME WITH ME, PLEASE? OOH. THAT IS A HARD ONE. HMM. ALL RIGHT! POIT. I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR LATE FRIEND, THE BRAIN. YES, HE IS LATE, VERY LATE. WE BELIEVE THIS IS EVIDENCE THAT HE WAS PLANNING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. WELL, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT HE DOES, YOU SEE. I'LL HAVE TO GIVE THEM TO HIM WHEN I SEE HIM. THEN YOU ADMIT THEY'RE HIS? EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE. IT'S MINE. AHA! MY GIRLFRIEND. YOU'RE A MOUSE. THIS IS A HORSE. TSK TSK TSK. PEOPLE ARE SO INTOLERANT. NOW, LOOK, HOW MUCH DID THIS BRAIN CONFIDE IN YOU? WERE YOU IN ON HIS PLANS? WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO IN HIS ABSENCE? UHI WAS PLANNING TO TAKE A BATH. BAH! THROW HIM OUT! BUT I WARN YOU, I'LL BE WATCHING. WELL, THAT WOULD BE VERY RUDE! NARF! WAAH! HMM. SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT THIS PINKY FELLOW KNOWS MORE THAN HE LETS ON. WELL, HE'D ALMOST HAVE TO, WOULDN'T HE? [CAT MEOWS] [MEOWS] [YOWLS] [MEOWS] [MEOWS] HELLO! WHO'S THERE? NARF! BRAIN! BRAIN, IS THAT YOU? COME BACK, BRAIN! POIT! HIDE AND GO SEEK! HA HA! I LOVE GAMES, BRAIN. Brain: I DON'T. WHEE! HA HA! POIT! OH, I LOVE ZITHER MUSIC, DON'T YOU, BRAIN? NARF! HELLO, BRAIN. POIT! PINKY, YOU'VE FOUND ME OUT. YOU'VE DISCOVERED MY GREAT, DARK SECRET. WHAT, YOU MEAN THE LIPOSUCTION? HAH! I KNEW ABOUT THAT FOR YEARS. NO, NOT THAT, PINKY. I'M IN LOVE. NAAARRF! I WAS PLANNING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. THAT'S WHY I SENT FOR YOU, PINKY. BUT THAT WAS BEFORE I METTRUDY. NOW, ALL I WANT IS TO SETTLE DOWN WITH THE ONE I LOVE. BUT, BRAIN I'M LEAVING IT ALL BEHIND, PINKY. LOOK AT THOSE PEOPLE DOWN THERE. THEY DON'T APPRECIATE GREATNESS. THEY'RE JUST A LOT OF LITTLE DOTS. POIT! ONE OF THOSE DOTS IS WAVING AT US. MAYBE SHE APPRECIATES GREATNESS, BRAIN. AS USUAL, PINKY, YOU MISS THE POINT. IN ITALY UNDER THE BORGIAS, THEY HAD 30 YEARS OF MURDER, BLOODSHED, AND WARFARE, AND THEY PRODUCED INDIGESTIBLE NOODLES, BORING OPERAS, AND THE FIAT. IN SWITZERLAND, THEY HAD BROTHERLY LOVE, 500 YEARS OF DEMOCRACY AND PEACE, AND WHAT DID THEY PRODUCE? THE SWISS BANK ACCOUNT, THE BEST CHEESE IN THE WORLD, AND HEIDI! GRANDFATHER! GRANDFATHER! PRECISELY, PINKY. NO, I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR WORLD DOMINATION. BESIDES, THERE IS NO PLAN THAT COULD POSSIBLY MATCH TRUDY'S TENDER TOUCH. [SNIFFLES] NARF! I'M TRULY MOVED, BRAIN. AND TO THINK WHEN I CHASED YOU THROUGH THOSE PIPES, I THOUGHT THIS WAS ALL SOME ELABORATE PLAN OF YOURS TO USE THE PLUMBING SYSTEM OF VIENNA TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD, SEEING THAT THE PLUMBING SYSTEM HERE IS ALL INTERCONNECTED, YOU SEE. I DON'T CARE, PINKY! I PROMISED TRUDY I'D NEVER TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AGAIN. I UNDERSTAND, BRAIN. NARF! AND BESIDES, I GUESS YOU COULDN'T REALLY TAKE OVER THE WORLD JUST BY TURNING ON ALL THE VALVES IN VIENNA AT ONCE. EVEN IF IT WOULD PROBABLY DRAIN THE BLUE DANUBE. THAT'S BRILLIANT, PINKY. ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING? UM, I THINK SO, BRAIN, BUT WHAT IF THE CHICKEN WON'T WEAR THE NYLONS? IF WE DRAIN THE BLUE DANUBE, IT WOULD BRING SHIPPING TO A STANDSTILL, AND I COULD RISE TO POWER IN THE ENSUING CHAOS. COME, PINKY! TO THE SEWERS-- YAAH! EGAD, BRAIN! WHEEE! HA HA HA! WHOA HA HO! Brain: PINKY, ACCORDING TO MY RESEARCH, THESE ARE THE WATER MAINS FOR THE ENTIRE CITY. URRGH! THE VALVES MUST ALL BE OPENED IN A SPECIFIC SEQUENCE, OR THE RESULT WILL BE CATASTROPHIC. UM, THAT WOULD BE BAD, WOULDN'T IT? YES, PINKY, THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF GOOD. JUST ONE MISTAKE, AND THE WATER PRESSURE WILL BUILD UNCONTROLLABLY. HA HA! DON'T WORRY, BRAIN. I NEVER MAKE JUST ONE MISTAKE. JUST REMEMBER TO FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS EXACTLY, PINKY. DON'T TURN THAT MAIN VALVE UNTIL I SAY THE WORD, "NOW. " The Major: BRAIN, STOP! GIVE YOURSELF UP! SORRY, MAJOR. NOTHING CAN STOP ME N-N-N UH, AT THE PRESENT MOMENT. Trudy: BRAIN, DARLING! YOU PROMISED! TRUDY! STOP THIS FOOLISHNESS! RUN AWAY WITH ME! I'M SORRY, TRUDY MY DEAR, BUT NOT N-N-N UH, AT THIS POINT IN TIME. NOT WHEN, DARLING? NOT CURRENTLY UH, OR IMMEDIATELY. UH, THAT IS TO SAY, NOT, UH, NOT AT THIS STAGE IN EVENTS. WHAT WAS THAT, BRAIN DARLING? I COULDN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE WATER. CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? OH, NO. PINKY, STOP! [PINKY AND BRAIN SCREAMING] YEOW! YEOW! PINKY, QUICK! GRAB ONTO MY FEET! [TOILET FLUSHES] [PINKY AND BRAIN SCREAMING] NARF! HAH! AT LEAST I FINALLY GOT TO TAKE A BATH. MY JOY FOR YOU IS UNBOUNDED. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, PINKY. IF YOU HADN'T GIVEN ME THAT RIDICULOUS IDEA, I'D BE WITH MY LITTLE FRAULEIN. I'D BE HAPPY, CONTENTED. DRY. EXACTLY, PINKY. THAT'S WHY I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN. I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN! BUT, TRUDY, DEAREST YOU PROMISED! YOU--YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER, AREN'T YOU? WITH? ZE WORLD! YES. [SIGHS] [GASPS] BRAIN? COME, PINKY. WE MUST RETURN TO THE LAB TO PREPARE FOR TOMORROW NIGHT. NARF! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TOMORROW NIGHT, BRAIN? TAKE A WILD GUESS. ZEY'RE DINKY, ZEY'RE PINKY AND ZE BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN Brain: PINKY? HMM? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING THERE? WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE, CHEESE? MMMMEHHH I'M GOING TO COUNT TO 3. HERE! OH, I'M SORRY, BRAIN. IT'S JUST THAT--NARF! CHEESE! I MEAN, I DIDN'T WANNA-- WHAA HOO! WHAA HOO! I WANT TO LIVE! PINKY! DO YOU WANT A TIME-OUT? MM-MMM. THE NORMAL FIELD MICE THAT WE CAPTURE WILL BRING A VERY SPECIAL TALENT TO OUR PLAN OF GLOBAL DOMINATION. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, PINKY? UM, BEING ABLE TO SHRED PAPER INTO LITTLE, TINY BITS? OH, YES, PINKY. THEN WE CAN FIRE SPITBALLS AT AL GORE AND GET HIM ALL CONFUSED. OH, GOODY! THIS IS A FUN-FUN, SILLY-WILLY PLAN! WHOO HA HA HA HA! DON'T MAKE ME SEPARATE YOU. FIELD MICE ARE INSTINCTUAL EXPERTS IN NIGHTTIME NAVIGATION. ONCE CAPTURED, WE WILL UNLOCK AND CLONE THEIR DNA CODE OF NIGHT VISION AND GIVE OURSELVES A SUPER ABILITY TO SEE IN THE DARK. THEN WE WILL CAUSE A WORLDWIDE POWER OUTAGE AND SEIZE CONTROL IN THE DARKNESS. [MICE SQUEAKING] SHH! Pinky: * WE'RE GOING TO CATCH US SOME MICE * SILENCE, PINKY. GRAB THE ROPE. NOW! OH! THIS REMINDS ME OF WHEN CHARLTON HESTON GETS CAPTURED IN THAT NET IN PLANET OF THE APES. [IMITATING CHARLTON HESTON] YOU CRAZY BABOONS! HMMHMM. THE DNA OF THESE MICE WHAT, BRAIN? THERE'S SOMETHING ODD ABOUT IT. IT'S SORT OFFAMILIAR. THESE PATTERNS EGAD. WHAT IS IT, BRAIN? PINKY, THESE 2 MICE. IT CAN'T BE. WHAT? THESE MICE ARE MY PARENTS. [GASPS] NAAARRRRF! [BOTH GRUNTING] FATHER AHEM. WELCOME TO MY HOME. THIS IS WHERE I DO MY IMPORTANT THINKING, PLANNING FOR--WELL, I'M TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD, YOU SEE. YES, AND HE'S GOING TO DO IT, TOO. YES. THANK YOU, PINKY. UH, THIS IS PINKY, MY, UM, FRIEND. WELCOME [CRUNCHES] OW! HE BIT MY LEG! HE BIT MY LEG! ACTUALLY, BRAIN, I THINK THAT'S THE GIRL, UM, YOUR, UM, MUMMY. Brain: D-OOH! [SPLASH] THIS IS PATHETIC, PINKY. I CAN'T COMMUNICATE WITH THEM. I-I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THEM. AND I'VE CHANGED SO MUCH, THEY DON'T KNOW ME. BECAUSE YOU'VE MATURED. NO, BECAUSE MY BRAIN HAS BEEN ALTERED BY ELECTROCHEMICAL EXPERIMENTS. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING? WHAT STORIES DO THEY HAVE TO TELL? I MUST DO SOMETHING, PINKY. I WANT TO CONNECT WITH THEM. I WANT THEM TO TALK TO ME. THE ELECTRODES, PINKY. BEHOLD, PINKY-- THE PENSAMPLIVOX! OOH. NICE NAME, BRAIN. "PENSA" FROM THE LATIN "THOUGHTS," "AMPLI," TO MAKE LOUD, AND "VOX," MEANING VOICE. OH. HMM. THAT KIND OF WRECKED IT FOR ME. WHEN WORN BY A NORMAL MOUSE, PINKY, THE PENSAMPLIVOX WILL GIVE THEM THE GIFT OF SPEECH, DIRECT ACCESS TO THEIR THOUGHTS. Brain: ON. [BOTH COUGHING] MOTHER? FATHER? SON? SON! LOOK AT YOU! LOOK AT YOU. LOOK AT YOU. LOOK AT YOUR HEAD-- ALL BIG AND PUFFY, LIKE A MARSHMALLOW. I'M EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT. I-- OH, YOU ARE? WELL, WOULD A SMARTY KEEP HIS CAGE ALL MESSY LIKE THIS? IT'S NOT MESSY. DON'T TALK BACK TO YOUR MOTHER. I'M NOT TALKING BACK! IS THERE A BROOM AROUND HERE? OR ARE YOU WAITING FOR A HURRICANE TO COME THROUGH? I'D SAY ONE DID. MOTHER, IT'S-- IT'S FINE. COU--COULDN'T WE JUST TALK? A BROOM? BUT WE'VE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN BEFORE. I'M GONNA COUNT TO 3. SON, WHERE'S YOUR 3-IN-1 OIL? YOU GOT A SQUEAK HERE THAT WOULD WAKE UP BRODERICK CRAWFORD. FATHER, THERE'S SO MUCH I WANT TO KNOW. JUST STOP. LET'S JUST TALK. CAN YOU--STOP DOING THAT! COME ON! I-I-- YOU WANT A TIME-OUT? MM-MMM. SON, WHY DON'T YOU BE A GOOD BOY AND GO GATHER SOME BERRIES AND BITS OF WHEAT? WELL, I-I'VE GOT SOME FOOD PELLETS RIGHT HERE. HAH! FOOD PELLETS? HO HO! HE'S GOT FOOD PELLETS! FOOD PELLETS? VERY UPTOWN, MR. WOLFGANG PUCK TEAROOM! FATHER! DON'T MAKE ME SEPARATE YOU, BOY! PINKY, MY PARENTS OH, I KNOW, BRAIN! THEY'RE SUPER! NARF! NYAH HA HA HA! NARF? HA HA HA HA HA! THAT'S FUNNY, NARF! HA HA HA HA HA! WE LIKE YOUR FRIEND, SON. NARF! All: NARF! [LAUGHING AND NARFING] NOW, THAT'S A WHEEL. Brain: MOTHER, FATHER, I'M GOING OUT THIS EVENING. A DATE? YA KNOW, SON, YOUR FATHER AND I ARE THE ONLY ONES OF OUR FRIENDS WITH NO GRANDCHILDREN. HMM. WELL, UH, ACTUALLY, I'M GOING OUT TONIGHT TO TRY AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD. AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE WEARING? SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE A CAPE OR SOMETHING? PINKY, MY PARENTS, THEY'RE DRIVING ME INSANE. EGAD, BRAIN. REALLY? OOH. WELL, THAT KINDA LEAVES ME WITHOUT MUCH TO DO. UH, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THOSE SPEECH GIZMOS AWAY FROM THEM? I TRIED. AND? MY FATHER THREATENED TO CUT OFF MY ALLOWANCE. HMM. WELL, BRAIN, I THINK YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT THEM THE WAY THEY ARE. YOU'RE RIGHT, PINKY, AND THEN, GET THEM REALLY FAR AWAY FROM HERE. [BRAIN READING] AND I THOUGHT, WHAT WOULD YOU ENJOY MORE THAN A TRIP TOFLORIDA. YOU LEAVE TONIGHT. FLORIDA! FLORIDA! THAT WAS NICE, BRAIN. THANK YOU, PINKY. AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP. HERE. THIS IS FOR YOU. WHAT IS IT? A DINOSAUR STICKER. [GASPS] NARF! OH, THANK YOU, BRAIN! AH HO HO! HOLD ME! PLEASE, PINKY, COME! WE'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO THE CAGE TO PLAN FOR TOMORROW NIGHT. WHY, BRAIN? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TOMORROW NIGHT? TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD? NO. MY PARENTS HAVE INVITED US FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER. THEY'RE DINKY, THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=pinky-and-the-brain-1995&episode=s01e13