The Birthday Boy (Wander Over Yonder)

(Snap up on a very put out Lord Hater, a party blower blows in his face. Zoom out to reveal him sitting on a throne with red balloons on either side, Peepers is holding the party blower.)

Peepers: Happy birthday, Loooord Haterrrr! (elbows him) So, me and the guys all chipped in and got ya a little something, can ya guess what it is?

Lord Hater: (lowly) Is it a Doom Arena?

Peepers: It's a Doom Arena!

(Zoom out showing the overview of Lord Hater's new Doom Arena, a jumbotron floats by with Lord Hater on the screen)

Doom Arena!

Lord Hater: Meh.

(Cut back to Lord Hater and Peepers, they are in a box seat shaped to look like Lord Hater's head)

Peepers: (Giggles) I thought you'd might say that. (Walks over to the control panel) But don't you worry, because our next gift is sure to put a smile on your face! May I present to you... (Pushes a lever)

(Cut to the arena grounds, a gift box rises out of a trapdoor)

Peepers: (Offscreen) Your most despised enemies... (The gift box opens to reveal:) Wanderrrrrr and Syllllllviaaaaaaa!

(Cut to the Watchdogs jeering in the stands)

Watchdogs: Boo!/I hate those guys!

(Back to Wander and Sylvia)

Wander: See, Sylvia? I told you it was a real party. (Gasps, points) Oh, look! It's Mr. Peepers! (Holding up an invitation with Lord Hater's face on it) Mr. Peepers! Thank you for the invitation to the birthday party! (To Sylvia) And you thought it was a trap.

(Sylvia facepalms, cut to the box seat, Lord Hater shakes his head and stands up)

Lord Hater: YES! BEST! BIRTHDAY! EVER!!! (Extreme close-up of his face, panning across) Not only do I get to watch the destruction, of my most despised enemy, (Side view of him, he makes a fist, panning across) I get to see him cower before me, (Back to his face, panning upwards) to see that goofy grin, replaced with pure...fear! (Full view of him) YES!

(Thunder flashes as the title appears, freeze-frame. Wander appears on the jumbotron, waving and laughing, Lord Hater looks at him)

Lord Hater: Ugh! Peepers! There is a distinct, lack of cowering in my Doom Arena! That is contrary, to the purpose...of...the Doom Arena!

(Cut to the arena grounds, Sylvia pulls on the bars of one of the doors)

Sylvia: Wander, we've got to get outta here!

Wander: (Turns around) Oh, come on, Sylvia. The party's not that bad. Although it is poorly decorated. (Sees a tumbleweed go by) And not very well attended. (Looks over at the box seat) Ugh, and worst of all, (At the camera, whispering) the birthday boy does not appear to be enjoying the festivities!

(He looks on in sadness, zoom in on Lord Hater obviously not enjoying this. Extreme close-up of Wander's face, panning across)

Wander: Sylvia, we have to stay in order to see that Hater has fun! (Side view, he shakes his fist, panning across) On his most special of special days, (Back to his face, panning upwards) it's up to us, to see that sad ol' scowl, replaced with a BIG OL' SMILE!!! (Cut to Lord Hater watching him on the jumbotron from the box seat) Pishaw, pishaw! Thunder noise!

(Lord Hater groans)

Peepers: Don't worry, sir. (Pressing buttons) One groveling do-gooder coming right up! (Presses one more set of buttons)

(Cut to the arena grounds, a set of trapdoors release steam, and Watchdogs clad in mech suits come up. They are dressed in roman gladiator attire and banging spiked bats. Cut to the Watchdogs in the stands)

Watchdogs: Yeah!/Get him!

(Cut to Wander and Sylvia as the Watchdog gladiators surround them)

Wander: Finally! Some more party guests! (Zoom in on them) But what are they gonna do for fun?

Sylvia: Crush us into a fine paste?

(Short pause)

Wander: Ooh! Sylvia, I have a sure fire plan to put a smile on Hater's face! (Jumps onto Sylvia at the end of this) All you need to do is make sure those gladiators can't see anything. (Jumps off Sylvia)

Sylvia: (Faces forward, smiles) With pleasure. (Looks at her fists) Ladies, shall we? (Flexes them)

(Widen to reveal Wander next to her, hat off and feeling for something. Sylvia yells and zooms forward, the Watchdogs were about to attack when Sylvia slides on the ground, causing sand to fly in their faces)

Watchdog Gladiator: My eye! My only eye!

(Widen to show Wander, humming and putting out art supplies. One Watchdog gets punched. Wander studies a blueprint. Sylvia pulls on the helmet of one of the Watchdogs. Wander cuts a piece of red paper in half. Sylvia headbonks a Watchdog. Wander paints the screen with red paint. Sylvia tugs on the eyelid of a Watchdog)

Watchdog Gladiator: I really wish I had a second eye!

(Cut back to Wander squirting a tube of glue)

Wander: Put some glue...more glue...oh! (Picks up a bag of glitter and sprinkles with it) Glitter...definately some glitter...Hater loves glitter!

(Cut back to Sylvia, she smacks her tail across the Watchdogs' faces. Zoom out showing Wander watching)

Wander: Finished. (He rises a handmade pinata in the shape of Lord Hater's head) Now, who wants to show Hater a good time, by bashing his face in?

(Cut to the Watchdogs, groaning and attempting to see while attacking. Sylvia comes by)

Sylvia: Hey! (She walks backwards, they follow her) The party's over here, you optic nerds!

(Loads of chatter from the Watchdogs as they hit the pinata with their bats)

Watchdog Gladiator: Take that, Wander!

(Lord Hater gets mad, the pinata bursts open revealing candy. The Watchdogs gasp, they chatter as they attempt to grab the candy)

Watchdog Gladiator: Candy!

(The Watchdogs cheer, Wander ecstatically looks at Lord Hater. Zoom in on him, still unimpressed by this)

Lord Hater: Peepers, Wander still appears to be enjoying himself. Now with the expense of my face!

Peepers: Don't worry sir, we have plenty of terrifying traps left. Hmm, let's see, (Points at the buttons as he names them) Meat Tenderizer, Flamethrowers, Flying Tiger...

Lord Hater: OH! (Butt bumps Peepers away) Hurry up, already! (Presses the buttons)

(Cut back to the arena grounds)

Wander: Sylvia, Hater is still not enjoying himself! The corners of his mouth are still pointin' south! (Literally turns his frown upside down) We gotta spin that grim into a grin!

(We hear a whirring sound, up comes a giant laser in the shape of a wine bottle with lightning bolts attached to it. It aims down at Wander and Sylvia)

Wander: Spin the Bottle? (cut to Hater watching him on the jumbotron, he looks at him with a smug expression on his face) Hater, you sassy man! You do wanna get this party started! (Wiggles eyebrows, attempts to push the laser up but can't) Little help?

Sylvia: Hi-ya! (Kicks the laser)

(Overhead shot of the laser as it spins around. Wander climbs up and sits on it, his perspective of the Watchdogs, sharing chatters of fear and horror. Cut to the jumbotron, Wander smooches)

Wander: (Singy-songy) Who's it gonna be? (Smooches more) I'm so excited! (Gets out a lip balm stick and applies it, he rubs his hands together)

(Back to the view of the laser as the spinning slows down. The Watchdogs continue to chatter, the laser stops on a Watchdog vendor selling hot dogs and the other Watchdogs run away. The vendor giggles embarrassingly, Sylvia looks back and smiles mischievously. She swats the laser with her tail, causing it to turn towards Lord Hater. He holds onto his throne in fear, whimpering)

Wander: Hater! I was hopin' you'd win! (Flutters eyes) Now, pucker up, and let's see that smile!

(He blows a kiss, and the laser fires. Far view of the Doom Arena in the distance as the laser blasts forth; cut back to the arena showing the affects of the laser as the Watchdogs gasp: Part of the box seat has been burst away, the throne is cut in half, and the balloons lie lazily on the floor. Lord Hater sits on the throne, burnt and charred. Cut to Sylvia, laughing against the laser as it winds down)

Sylvia: Oh man, did you see the look on Hater's face? (Bangs the laser)

(Zoom out to frame Wander, upset again)

Wander: I know! Isn't that awful? At this rate, we're never gonna get a smile outta that guy.

(Cut back to Lord Hater, Peepers comes up and straightens his loose jaw)

Peepers: Sir, I know this party isn't going as uh, perfectly as you like... so may I recommend the big red button in the upper right corner?

(Quick pan to the control panel, a big button is shown in the upper right like Peepers said. Zoom in on it as Lord Hater smacks it with his fist. The laser retreats into the ground, one of the doors opens up. A pair of glowing yellow eyes peek out of the darkness, and steam comes out below them as we hear snorting. Cut to Wander and Sylvia as the creature looms over them. Close-up of one of its feet stomping the ground and zoom out – the creature is a monster which appears to be half dog, half bull. It roars, Sylvia pushes Wander away)

Sylvia: Stand back, Wander. This fella ain't no party game!

(The monster brushes one of its feet on the ground, and Sylvia growls and follows suit. The monster roars and zooms off, Sylvia does a battle cry and does the same. The Watchdogs cheer; camera shifts back and forth between the monster and Sylvia three times, zooming in each time, ending in extreme close-up. Sylvia growls at the end of this, there is a banging noise and Sylvia is flung up in the air. Cut to Lord Hater as she falls into the audience)

Lord Hater: Ah ha ha ha ha! (Mockingly) Hey, Wander! Your precious protector Sylvia, is gone! How you feeling, scared?

(Behind shot of Wander as the monster readies itself again. It roars, cut back to Hater watching a confused Wander on the jumbotron)

Lord Hater: Yes, here comes the fear.

(Cut to the monster, it zooms off. Brief shot of a side view of Wander as he looks on. Cut to the monster's feet, rushing at top speed. Back to Wander, followed by the Watchdogs, then Lord Hater)

Lord Hater: Any...moment...now...

(Back to the monster, then Wander as he lowers his head and puts his fist out. The monster screeches to a stop, sniffs, then makes an excited noise as it begs. Wander opens his fist to reveal two purple dog bone biscuts. The monster excitedly eats one of the treats. Wander laughs, the monster eats the other treat)

Wander: Who's a hungry boy? Who's a hungry boy? (He pats the monster, cut to Lord Hater, who stares at the camera in disbelief as he laughs, he continues offscreen) That's right, it's you! Yes it is! (Cut to him, he rubs its tummy) Yes it is! (Back to Lord Hater, watching this on the jumbotron) Happiness is a happy puppy, right Hater?

(Cut to the laughing Watchdogs in the stands. They suddenly stop and look over at Lord Hater, who glares at them evilly. They begin jeering again)

Watchdogs: Boo!/I disapprove of this turn of events!

(Back to a growling Lord Hater, who begins to lose it. Peepers is behind him)

Peepers: Oh, sir, come on! Don't let Wander ruin this party for you. What if we have him quietly vaporized out back, then do cake? Will that make ya happy?

Lord Hater: 'NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I WANT IT TO BE PERFECT!!!!!' (He leaps onto the arena grounds and walks towards the camera) All...I wanted...for my birthday...was to see my most hated enemy cower in fear, before his untimely doom!

(At the moment Lord Hater's eyes fill the screen, cut to Peepers watching him leave)

Lord Hater: Is that so much to ask?!!

(Sylvia taps Peepers on the back, he turns around and shrieks, cut to his perspective of her)

Sylvia: Party's over.

(She punches him, causing him to spin around a bit and land on the panel and slide down, suddenly pressing every button that's there. Sylvia takes notice of this)

(Cut to Lord Hater walking)

Lord Hater: Apparently, this pathetic "Doom Arena" couldn't even terrify a TREMBLING TODDLER! (Looks at Wander with the monster and readies his hand with lightning) I guess I'm just gonna have to DO IT MY – (All the lights go out) Self?

(Around the arena, neon lights turn on. The monster terrifyingly runs away and hides in the stands. Obstacles come out of holes in the floor; Wander admires them, but Lord Hater screams in horror)

(Cut to Sylvia as she sits in Lord Hater's throne and rubs her hands together)

Sylvia: Hehheh, here we go.

(She motions, the vendor comes by with bags of popcorn, he gives one to her)

(Cut back to a terrified Lord Hater as Wander jumps onto him)

Wander: (Talking fast) Hater, look at all this stuff, we're gonna have so much fun, (Zoom off, he drags him offscreen) and you're gonna be so happy!!

Doom Arena!

(The wine bottle laser from earlier fires a beam, Wander and Lord Hater stop before this)

Wander: Limbo!

(Wander limbos under the laser beam and motions for Lord Hater to follow)

Doom Arena!

(Lord Hater tries to limbo but gets zapped by the laser and explodes. Brief shot of the cheering Watchdogs, then cut to Sylvia and the vendor)

Sylvia: Woohoohoo haha!

(A cannon blasts out a bomb, Wander catches it)

Wander: Hot Potata'!

(He and Lord Hater run while repeatedly passing the bomb back and forth)

Doom Arena!

(Lord Hater ends up holding the bomb when it explodes, leaving the upper half of his robe blasted away. Cut back to the cheering Watchdogs, then Sylvia and the vendor)

Sylvia: YEAAAAH!!! Whoo, whoo, whoo!

(Cut to a spiky platform over a lava pit, Wander hops on one)

Wander: Musical Chairs!

(He and Lord Hater hop across the platforms as they sink behind them. Wander manages to hop the last platform to the other side, Lord Hater misses and falls into the lava. He bursts out flying, then lands next to Wander, charred and beat up)

Wander: Race you to the finish!

(He sets off at top speed, and after a few seconds looks over his shoulder. Brief shot of Lord Hater trying to catch up while avoiding the obstacles. Back to Wander, beginning to realize something)

Wander: (At the camera) Aw, the birthday boy should win at least one.

(He screeches to a halt, just before a huge X on the floor. Lord Hater comes by, leaps into the air and spins, and lands on the X. It turns red, a giant hammer smashes him)

Doom

(A fire burns him, followed by trio of flying tigers comeing out and mauling him)

Doom Arena!

(Close-up on the beat up Lord Hater, zoom out as the lights return to normal and Wander walks up)

Wander: Let me get that for you. (Reattaches Lord Hater's jaw)

Lord Hater: (Tired) Wha...how did...did you...what, how...did you see my Doom Arena? You should be totally afraid!

Wander: (Suddenly very blue) Oh, Hater, I am afraid! (Kneels down at him, whispering) I'm afraid – you aren't enjoying your birthday party.

(Lord Hater gets a shocked expression, his jaw falls off again)

Wander: (Reattaches his jaw) I got it! I know what will save this party, and finally put a (Tickles his chin) smile on your face!

(He zips off. Point of view shot from Lord Hater at Wander, he swings his banjo out, spins it a bit and begins playing a lively intro, followed by a kazoo sliding out of his mouth as he vocalizes a few notes on it. He dances around Lord Hater a bit before spitting the kazoo out as he starts to sing)

(Song: Your Happy Birthday Song)

Wander: Oh...

It's your happy birthday

Here's your happy birthday song

And on your happy birthday,

Nothing can go wrong

I can tell that you're all grumpy

'Cause you've been around a while

Just because you're old and frumpy

Doesn't mean you shouldn't smile

Because...

(By this point, Sylvia puts Lord Hater on his throne as she and Wander decorate the Doom Arena)

It's your happy birthday

Here's your happy birthday song

And your birthday best be happy,

'Cause you won't be around for long!

(Wander plays an instrumental piece next to Peepers, who is now sitting on a chair tied up and gagged.)

Sylvia: So, try not to be so sad

'Bout your impending doom,

Someday, we'll light birthday candles

On your frigid tomb

Wander: Oh...

It's your happy birthday

Here's your happy birthday song

And your birthday won't be happy,

'Til you all sing along!

Everybody!

(Cut to the Watchdogs and pan across as they sing along)

Watchdogs: Oh...

It's your happy birthday

Here's your happy birthday song

Wander: Just the pit monster!

(Cut to the monster as it makes noises in time with the music)

(Cut back to the box seat as Wander wheels a birthday cake over to Lord Hater, who begins to hesitate)

Everyone: I can tell that you're all grumpy

'Cause you've been around a while

Just because you're old and frumpy doesn't

Wander/Sylvia: Mean you shouldn't...

(Zoom in on the hesitating Lord Hater, who finally forces a smile onto his face)

Wander: What's that I see? (Applauding) Ohhhhhhhh...!!!

Wander/Sylvia: Smile!

(Zoom out, the Watchdogs cheer happily. Zoom back in as Wander blows an orbble around he and Sylvia and waves as they float up to leave. Cut to the overview of the Doom Arena as Wander and Sylvia float towards the camera as the song ends)

(Cut back to the hesitatingly smiling Lord Hater)

Wander: (In the distance) Happy birthday, Hater!

(His face instantly drops into an exasperated frown, and the view snaps to black)