The One

Insults

 * Oh, man, I'm so tubby, I don't have a muffin top. I've got the whole bakery.
 * I'm so porky, I don't have a six-pack, I have a barrel.
 * Yeah, your midsection looks like someone tried to shove a grapefruit through a garden hose.
 * ​​​​​​: Yeah, man, your belly has more folds than an origami convention.
 * Dagnabbit, I'm so weak that if I was a superhero, I'd be Boy-Man— the man with the strength of a twelve-year-old boy.
 * What are you talking about? You're as strong as a bear... naked old lady.
 * I got so little muscle definition, I need a muscle dictionary.
 * ​​​​​​: Yeah, dude, the only thing you could lift with that body is my self-esteem.
 * Bottle trick!
 * Well at least I stuck the landing- Ah dagnabbit, I'm such a loser.
 * The only thing you ever won was our mother's love. And you didn't even get first place!
 * ​​​​​​: You're such a loser, the only time people miss you is when they're throwing rotten tomatoes.
 * What's the matter, dude? Why do you always pull that face every time Rocky's around?
 * It's not that... It's Tobias. I don't understand why but every time he ribs me, I feel like he's actually broken one of my ribs.
 * Maybe it's because deep down, you really respect Tobias's opinion.
 * Oh man!
 * Whoo! Woo. But you're right, it is weird. You don't mind when I insult you. You even do it to yourself.
 * I know, right!
 * Well then maybe the problem isn't Tobias. Maybe your problem, is your fragile ego.
 * ​​​​​​: You're such a loser, the only time people miss you is when they're throwing rotten tomatoes.
 * What's the matter, dude? Why do you always pull that face every time Rocky's around?
 * It's not that... It's Tobias. I don't understand why but every time he ribs me, I feel like he's actually broken one of my ribs.
 * Maybe it's because deep down, you really respect Tobias's opinion.
 * Oh man!
 * Whoo! Woo. But you're right, it is weird. You don't mind when I insult you. You even do it to yourself.
 * I know, right!
 * Well then maybe the problem isn't Tobias. Maybe your problem, is your fragile ego.
 * Whoo! Woo. But you're right, it is weird. You don't mind when I insult you. You even do it to yourself.
 * I know, right!
 * Well then maybe the problem isn't Tobias. Maybe your problem, is your fragile ego.

Darwin Checks Gumball's Ego

 * Let's start by stripping back the layers of your personality. So, who do we have here?
 * Hahaha, I'm Humor. You wanna hear a joke? Me!
 * And who's hiding behind that nose?
 * Anxiety.
 * That's what I thought. Carry on.
 * I'm Fear.
 * And I'm Optimism.
 * And tell me Fear, why the aggression?
 * Because I'm afraid, afraid of who is behind all of us... the ego.
 * Well, maybe we should meet him.
 * Oh, no that's not a good idea--
 * I...AM...AWESOME!
 * I guess I was wrong, looks like your ego's doing just great.
 * Well, maybe we should meet him.
 * Oh, no that's not a good idea--
 * I...AM...AWESOME!
 * I guess I was wrong, looks like your ego's doing just great.
 * I guess I was wrong, looks like your ego's doing just great.

Friendship Problems

 * Well on the plus side, we now know I truly love myself.
 * Yeah but, I really didn't need to see your ego smooching itself.
 * Oh, I'm sorry. Are you jealous? You want a kiss too?
 * Get off of me, or I'll kiss you back!
 * ​​​​​​: I won!
 * Dude, I think I'm having an epicpony.
 * What?
 * No, an EpiPen.
 * For an allergy?
 * An aphlydafly.
 * You mean, epiphany?
 * Yes, a p-p-phony. I'm having one of those. Tobias isn't good enough friends with me. That's the problem.
 * What do you mean?
 * Well, you know how we're not just brothers, but best friends too?
 * I know, I must have really low standards.
 * Exactly. It's okay for you to say that because you're my number one. But not Tobias, because he's a lesser friend. I mean look at the difference between the way we treat our friends and the way we treat each other.
 * "Get well soon. Love, Leslie." "Miss you. Love, Bobert." "That bus should've ended you. Love, Darwin."
 * Yeah! I think you pull it off.
 * Think you should pull it off.
 * Hadouken!
 * I see what you mean. We should talk with Tobias about it.
 * Yeah, but it can wait 'till school on Monday.
 * Yeah! I think you pull it off.
 * Think you should pull it off.
 * Hadouken!
 * I see what you mean. We should talk with Tobias about it.
 * Yeah, but it can wait 'till school on Monday.
 * I see what you mean. We should talk with Tobias about it.
 * Yeah, but it can wait 'till school on Monday.
 * Yeah, but it can wait 'till school on Monday.

Breaking In

 * I don't wanna hurt his feelings, but he needs to understand there are boundaries and he can't just-
 * ​​​​​​: Yeah, so I was thinking this weekend, maybe we should just stay in, I mean if we did go out the only people we'd talk to are each other. Am I right?
 * Dude, who invited you in?
 * ​​​​​​: What am I? A vampire?  It's what friends do.  By the way, can you tell your mom to buy more ice cream? We're out.
 * That gentle enough for ya?
 * ​​​​​​: You know what's cool about being best friends? You never need to ask before borrowing money. And that's the other thing, the comfortable silences. Nobody feels they have to say anything or... make small talk. it's just  comfortable, you know? Just... totally quiet. Nobody's sayin' anything. Total... silen-
 * That gentle enough for ya?
 * ​​​​​​: You know what's cool about being best friends? You never need to ask before borrowing money. And that's the other thing, the comfortable silences. Nobody feels they have to say anything or... make small talk. it's just  comfortable, you know? Just... totally quiet. Nobody's sayin' anything. Total... silen-
 * ​​​​​​: You know what's cool about being best friends? You never need to ask before borrowing money. And that's the other thing, the comfortable silences. Nobody feels they have to say anything or... make small talk. it's just  comfortable, you know? Just... totally quiet. Nobody's sayin' anything. Total... silen-
 * ​​​​​​: You know what's cool about being best friends? You never need to ask before borrowing money. And that's the other thing, the comfortable silences. Nobody feels they have to say anything or... make small talk. it's just  comfortable, you know? Just... totally quiet. Nobody's sayin' anything. Total... silen-

What Do You Mean?

 * There.
 * ​​​​​​: Oh, hey!
 * ​​​​​​: You fixed the door! That reminds me of that time we fixed the roof after Ocho blew it up.
 * You know, I'm glad I had the strength of character to give up that cell phone- Okay. First of all, why did you open this memory to give me massive teeth? And secondly, you weren't even there!
 * ​​​​​​: Yes I was!
 * ​​​​​​: Classic us.
 * 'Kay, enough! You weren't there when we fixed the roof, and won't be here when we fix the door.
 * ​​​​​​: But you already fixed the-
 * Dagnabbit, fixed it too well.
 * ​​​​​​: That's okay. That's what best friends do, am I right?
 * Okay, Tobias. I didn't want to have say this, so Gumball will.
 * Isn't it obvious? I mean, read between the lines.
 * ​​​​​​: What do you mean there are unspoken differences between types of friends and the "we're kind of okay" friends but not best friends?
 * Well, I, uhh-
 * ​​​​​​: What do you mean this all stemmed from a narcissistic delusion brought on by my inner fear about my facing my true place in the universe?
 * and : Uhh...
 * ​​​​​​: What do you mean!? You don't wanna be more than just regular friends.
 * Really?
 * Sorry, I was thinking that. Look, you're- you're just not the kind of friend that we'd call for really important stuff. Like, moving a couch.
 * ​​​​​​: Nah, I get it. I can't be your best friend, Gumball. Because there can be only one.
 * Yeah, but you're definitely fifth-
 * Sixth.
 * Sixth in line.
 * ​​​​​​: So, if all of those other friends were gone, we'd be best friends.
 * Technically, yeah. I guess I'd just have to make do with you.
 * ​​​​​​: Thank you.
 * You're welcome.
 * There, all's well, that ends well.
 * Do you ever get that tingly feeling in your stomach when someone tragically misinterprets something you said, in a dangerously, fundamental way?
 * Hmm... Nope.
 * Technically, yeah. I guess I'd just have to make do with you.
 * ​​​​​​: Thank you.
 * You're welcome.
 * There, all's well, that ends well.
 * Do you ever get that tingly feeling in your stomach when someone tragically misinterprets something you said, in a dangerously, fundamental way?
 * Hmm... Nope.
 * Do you ever get that tingly feeling in your stomach when someone tragically misinterprets something you said, in a dangerously, fundamental way?
 * Hmm... Nope.
 * Hmm... Nope.

Stealing the Friendship

 * ​​​​​​: So...
 * ​​​​​​: Let's get started.
 * ​​​​​​: Yeah, not really in a market for a sword, I thought you are selling knockoff handbags.
 * ​​​​​​: No, there can only be one.
 * ​​​​​​: One handbag?
 * ​​​​​​: No. ONE FRIEND!
 * ​​​​​​: Bad idea.
 * ​​​​​​: Yes! Give me the power of your friendship! The friendship empowers me!
 * There can only be one...
 * I think it's on cold?
 * ​​​​​​: Oh, thanks.
 * I'm a ghost, you joke of a jock! All you've done there is turn a stick into two sticks.
 * ​​​​​​: Wrong, I've turned it into the ghost of a stick!
 * I think it's on cold?
 * ​​​​​​: Oh, thanks.
 * I'm a ghost, you joke of a jock! All you've done there is turn a stick into two sticks.
 * ​​​​​​: Wrong, I've turned it into the ghost of a stick!
 * I'm a ghost, you joke of a jock! All you've done there is turn a stick into two sticks.
 * ​​​​​​: Wrong, I've turned it into the ghost of a stick!

The Last Target

 * ​​​​​​: Gumball! I have defeated all of your friends but one! Yeahhh! Yeaa-
 * Seems he got the wrong end of the stick.
 * ​​​​​​: Sorry, Darwin! But there can be only one. I've absorbed the power of Gumball's friends.  Surrender to your doom, Darwin!
 * Darwin!
 * Dagnabbit, he must have got to Leslie. No one can touch him on the dance floor.
 * What are you doing?
 * ​​​​​​: I'm using Banana Joe's powers to irradiate him. It's gonna take a while. There's only three hundred and sixty milligrams of potassium in a banana.
 * Okay, can we move onto next one? I gotta life to live.
 * ​​​​​​: Well, I was gonna use Sarah's powers but turns out that drawing your opponents falling in love with you isn't that useful in a fight. But Carrie on the other hand...
 * Darwin!
 * ​​​​​​: I am number one!
 * No, you're not! That is not how friendship works. You do not get friend points by beating up everybody I know. And you didn't get their magic powers by the way.
 * Can you keep it down, please?
 * ​​​​​​: There can be...only one!
 * Look, it doesn't really matter if we're best friends. Because you're a good friend, Tobias. And... good is good, right?
 * ​​​​​​: I know. I'm sorry. I just wanted more and, I did get a bit
 * Yeah. It was pretty
 * Come on then, friend, give me a hand with this couch.
 * ​​​​​​: Yeah, I'm a good friend, but not the kind of friend you call to move a couch.
 * ​​​​​​: There can be...only one!
 * Look, it doesn't really matter if we're best friends. Because you're a good friend, Tobias. And... good is good, right?
 * ​​​​​​: I know. I'm sorry. I just wanted more and, I did get a bit
 * Yeah. It was pretty
 * Come on then, friend, give me a hand with this couch.
 * ​​​​​​: Yeah, I'm a good friend, but not the kind of friend you call to move a couch.
 * Come on then, friend, give me a hand with this couch.
 * ​​​​​​: Yeah, I'm a good friend, but not the kind of friend you call to move a couch.
 * ​​​​​​: Yeah, I'm a good friend, but not the kind of friend you call to move a couch.


 * Hmm. Fair enough. It's fair enough.