G.I. Jogurt

Silence! You two. You have been here for hours, having sex with tons of ladies in masks. Yet it seems you do not have permission to be here. Hi. Uh, I'm Seth. Hi, I'm Matt. Why are you here? We heard this was the place to get "Robot Chicken" un-canceled. But when we got here, everyone was fucking So we were like, "oh, okay, I guess we'll just start fucking these people. " We almost felt obligated to start fucking. Quiet! In addition to hosting elaborate orgies, we do un-cancel television shows. Awesome! Can we get our show un-canceled? Yes if you know the password. - Fidelio. - That is correct. Congratulations. "Robot Chicken" is back on the air. Thank you, sir. Now, what is the password to leave? Fidelio? The password to leave is different. Oh, right. Fidelio. I just told you the password to leave - Fidelio? - No! Again, I told you - Fidelio? - You're missing what I - Fidelio? - Please understand that "fidelio" is not the password. If you say "fidelio," that will be incorrect. Do you understand this basic concept? - Yeah, of course. - Sure, sure, sure. Now, what is the password to leave? Fidelio? Fuck it. Kill them. Just like Saigon, 1983. With a dash of wait, when were you in Saigon? Duck! - Aw, no, he touched my dick. - Your dick touched my hand. I totally touched his dick. - Fuck it. - Fuck it. Nooo! Aah, didn't think that through. Please, have mercy. Sure thing. How about we give you to the count of Fidelio? It's alive! The half-pound Smurf burger. Only at Gargl's Jr. We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! Hey, maybe we should communicate with the humans. What do we get out of making all of these cavities, anyway? We make holes in teeth! We make holes in teeth! Wait, your stinger's caught! Our one method of self defense is also fatal to us. Does God hate bees? That's right. Fuck you, bees. Fuck me? N-N-No. Fuck you! What the fuck? This is not my house. It's a centaur from Narnia. I'm horny. You 18? No, sir. Damn it! Becky? Hey, come over. I want to sex someone. Hello? Mermaid hoe bag! Did you just call me "gay"? No, I didn't say anything. My parents' divorce messed me up, man. It messed my head up bad! I want Chipotle. Lock that shit. No, bro. No, no, come on, bro. No, bro! No! The dog's arthritis gives him constant pain. - We'll have to put him down. - What? You do know that the life span of a cat is longer than a dog, right? With all due respect, you really should have seen this coming. Hey, at least we don't have sex with the dinosaurs. Speak for yourself, bro. Jafar, why are you so evil? Well, lago, since every other Disney villain got a song to explain themselves, I'll tell you. Cut! - S-Snake. - Oh, yes. That's my pet snake. I hate snakes. Why did it have to be snakes? I hate sssome dude's ballsss. Why did it have to be some dude's ballsss? Graduating seniors of Hogwarts, as the sorting hat placed you into your houses, now the guidance counselor hat will send you off into the world. All right, let's make this fast. I'm parked in a loading zone. Who gets a C-minus in Quidditch? Here's what I see for you, kid. Two years of online college, and then Living at home well into your 30s. Damn, you grew up hot. Whoa! You know what they say Fuck a Hufflepuff, marry a Gryffindor. All right, here's the deal, hon. CPK hostess/escort on weekends. Harry Potter? Dude, honestly, you nailed it. Get out of here and win at life while you Drown in poontang. If he's drowning in poontang Sign me up for lifeguard duty. If I'm going down with the Titanic, I'm going to die in my motorcar, like a gentleman of wealth and dist I just sat in jizz. Chow time, boys. Come and get it. Hey, Cooky, where'd you get this picante sauce? New York City. New York City?! I don't know why a 7-year-old would need to deep fry a turkey, but know you know how. And knowing is half the battle. And the Emmy for best PSA by a paramilitary organization goes to G. I. Joe, for "Don't Be a Turkey on Thanksgiving. " Look at them, Destro. The Joes churn out pedestrian advice to dead-eyed children, and the public eats it up! "Hey, kids, don't play with fallen electrical lines" reads like a dispatch from the no-shit clinic. I'll get the nerve gas. No, you fool. We'll beat them at their own game. We'll create our own PSAs! Okay, okay, let's just throw some ideas out there. This is a safe, creative place. Dr. Mindbender, go. Well, I thought our PSA could communicate an idea non-verbally. I've discovered that painting directly on celluloid creates a sort of "tone poem. " Holy shit, that's sounds terrible. I'm sorry safe place but holy shit, that was fucking dumb. Next! Oh, I forgot you guys were in here writing. I was just looking for a hammer to hang my degree in screen writing from Aberdeen. Anything I can do for you while I'm in here? Destro? She's actually really funny, you guys. Hey, you lost me at "she's. " Fuck lt. We're doing it without a script. Dr. Mindbender, you found four young children for our PSAs. Uh yes. That is what these kidnapped children are for. Okay, Storm Shadow, these two children will be running with scissors. Now, this upsets you, and you - Why? It's dangerous to run with scissors. I run with katana. Is that not dangerous? Wow, I hadn't thought of that. Excellent point, Storm Shadow. Get this piece of shit off my set. Well, Cobra Commander, looks like I owe you an apology. So, remember, only take supplies if you'll use them for post-office business. Any other use is a felony. Now I'm aware. And awareness is the second 50% of the conflict in question. Somebody say fucking "cut. " And I think you'll find it's not hard to read when you take the time to ssssssssssssssssound it out. Oh, yesss, I've got a sssmall ssspeech impediment. It'sss not funny! Shut it down. And the Emmy for best PSA by a paramilitary organization goes to G. I. Joe, for "Don't Star in a Cobra PSA. " - What? - Pop the nerve gas! Ba-gawk! Bawk.