The Champagne Reflection


 * Leonard: It still feels weird just throwing away his work like this.
 * Howard: Don’t feel bad. Someday, someone will be throwing your work away too.
 * Leonard: That someone was Sheldon and the day was yesterday. Hey, look at this. “Dear Roger. To be opened upon your first great discovery. Love, Mom.” Wow, look at the date. He saved this 50 years and never got to open it.
 * Howard: That’s intense.
 * Raj: Poor Roger Abbot.
 * Howard: (cracking up and beginning to laugh) Roger Abbot sounds just like Roger Rabbit.
 * Raj: (saying the name until realizing Howard is right) Roger Abbot, Roger Abbot, (cracking up) Roger Rabbit... Oh my God, Leonard. I know he's dead, but try it. It's fun!
 * (Raj continues to do it while Howard laughs)


 * Dan: Oh, good. Bernadette. Cute, sweet, vicious little Bernadette.


 * Amy: Say Betsy Ross. What you working on?


 * Sheldon: (high-pitched voice) I have no idea. Because the story of me sewing the first American flag is unsupported poppycock.


 * Amy: Then who did it sew it? Hmm?


 * Sheldon: (high-pitched voice) Don’t ask me. I’m just a simple seamstress whose descendants are (normal voice) out to make a quick buck.


 * Penny: So, Dan, you have a grandson. How old is he?
 * Dan: Seven.
 * Bernadette: Oh, yeah. I remember him from the picnic. He was the one crying like a wuss the whole time.
 * Penny: I heard he was being picked on by a mean kid.
 * Bernadette: Just builds character. Like my dad said, nobody likes a crybaby except mommies and Democrats.
 * Dan: I need another drink. (walks away)
 * Bernadette: (to Penny) What’s his problem?
 * Penny: (sarcastically) Oh, I don’t know. Maybe he didn’t like the fact that you called his grandson a wuss.
 * Bernadette: (now annoyed) Well, I didn’t think you were supposed to say sissy anymore.


 * Penny: OK, look, I know what a good person you are, but sometimes people think you might come off a little harsh.
 * Bernadette: (now offended) What? I’m like the sweetest person I know. Look at me. I should be in a tree baking cookies.
 * Penny: Yes, but once in a while people think you’re a little mean.
 * Bernadette: (suspiciously) Oh yeah? You one of those people?
 * Penny: No, no, no, no. I think the cookie thing.
 * (Both Penny and a still angry Bernadette pick up their glasses).


 * Sheldon: Welcome back. Our guest today is a returning fan favorite. He puts the reading in your rainbow, the Geordi in your LaForge and the Kunte in your Kinte. Mr. LeVar Burton.
 * LeVar Burton: Thank you Sheldon. Now remember our deal.
 * Sheldon: You do this, I delete the contact information...
 * LeVar Burton: While…
 * Sheldon: While you watch me do it.
 * LeVar Burton: Great. Happy to be back.
 * Sheldon: Well, since you’re here I’d like to get your opinion on something. In honor of Black History Month I portrayed George Washington Carver in a loving tribute that my roommate called “wildly racist”. What do you think?
 * Recorded Sheldon: Hi. My name is George.
 * LeVar Burton: (offended by the video) Oh, hell no.
 * Sheldon: You heard him Leonard. No, it’s not racist.


 * (The scene at the conference room at Zangen)
 * Bernadette: (still offended) I am not a bully. I mean, maybe I come off a little strong, but that’s only because my dad raise me to be tough and not take any crap from anybody.
 * Penny: No, that’s fine, but there’s a difference between being tough and telling your friend her new pants look like a saggy diaper.
 * Bernadette: (feels guilty) I did say that, didn't I?
 * Penny: Yeah, you did. I felt so self-conscious that I had to return them.
 * Bernadette: (sarcastically) Where? To Babies R Us?
 * Penny: (offended) You’re doing it again.
 * Bernadette: (now guilty again) Sorry. Can we just go? I feel like everybody hates me.
 * Penny: Oh, come on. They don’t hate you, all right. They’re just a little intimated. All you need to do is show everyone how sweet you really are.
 * Bernadette: I think I rather go.
 * Penny: No, come on, we’re not going anywhere. I am here for you and we’re going to fight this together.
 * Bernadette: Thank you.
 * Penny: Even though your dress is ugly.
 * (Bernadette glares at Penny in offense)


 * Sheldon: Well my little flag-keteers. It looks like the last episode of “Fun with Flags” is at an end. If I could I would run each and every one of you viewers up a flagpole and salute you. And if you touched the ground, burn you. I’d like to take a moment to personally thank Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler who you may or may not know is the first woman to co-host a flag or banner-related Internet info-tainment show.
 * Amy: Take that, glass ceiling.
 * Sheldon: And if I may get serious for a moment, hosting this show has been one crazy ride. With all its ups and downs I wouldn't give it up for the world. Except for now when I’m giving it up. Before I sign off I’d like to share with you one last use for a white flag. It’s good for times like this. (Crying.) Good night.
 * Amy: [stops filming] Cut. Sheldon, that was beautiful.
 * Sheldon: If you didn't press record….
 * Amy: I PRESSED IT!
 * Sheldon: [slightly recoils in surprise]


 * Leonard: Well, that it’s it. That’s the end of Roger Abbott.
 * Raj: And we still don’t know who framed him.
 * Leonard: I still keep thinking about how an entire life seemingly amounts to nothing.
 * Howard: I guess the truth is not everyone will accomplish something great. Some of us may just to have to find meaning in the little moments that make up life.
 * Leonard: That’s a nice way of looking at it.
 * Howard: Yeah for you, not for me. I went to space. I’m covered.


 * Bernadette: Dan, could I talk to you for a minute?
 * Dan: Sure, go ahead.
 * Bernadette: Just want you to know I didn’t mean to be rude about your grandson.
 * Dan: No, it’s okay.
 * Bernadette: No, it’s not. Penny told me that everyone’s scared of me.
 * Dan: What? What? Why would she say that? You know she drinks, right?
 * Penny: What?
 * Bernadette: No, she’s right, and I just want you to know that from now on, I’m gonna be much more sensitive. I don’t want anyone walking on eggshells around me.
 * Dan: Oh, well, okay, then, uh, one thing I’ve been meaning to tell you is that the company is gonna stop paying for our coffee.
 * Bernadette: No problem. When does that start?
 * Dan: Five months ago.
 * Bernadette: What?
 * Dan: Yeah.
 * Bernadette: Who’s been paying for my coffee?
 * Dan: All of us.
 * Penny: Yeah. It comes from the swear jar we put money in when you curse.
 * Bernadette: What else don’t I know about?
 * Penny: Uh, well, you know your private bathroom?
 * Bernadette: Yeah?
 * Penny: That was supposed to be for the whole floor.
 * Bernadette: You’re kidding.
 * Dan: No, no. It’s okay. It only really affected Wheelchair Kathy, and she’s back in the hospital now, so it all worked out.
 * Bernadette: (sadly and softly) I feel so bad.
 * Penny: Well, then, maybe you shouldn’t have named her Wheelchair Kathy.
 * (Dan nods his head)
 * Bernadette: (almost in tears) Oh, my God. I thought everybody liked me, but I’m just a monster!
 * Dan: But a cute one, like that, uh, eyeball guy in Monsters, Inc.
 * Bernadette: (she is now crying) No, I’m the worst! I’m a terrible person!
 * Dan: Come on, don’t cry. It’s okay.
 * Bernadette: (she is still crying) It’s not okay! How can I even work here anymore?
 * Penny: Because this company needs you.
 * Dan: It’s fine. We don’t mind paying for the coffee.
 * Bernadette: (she's now in even more tears) I can’t let you do that.
 * Dan: Maybe we could get you an espresso machine for your office.
 * Bernadette: (she weeps even harder) I guess that would be all right.
 * Penny: See? You don’t have to be mean to get what you want.
 * Bernadette: (she continues crying) You’re right. Now where did we land on my bathroom?
 * (Both Dan and Penny put on their thinking expressions)