Don't Ever Blink

(Scene opens up showing a Teen Preen magazine)

Stacy: "Boys are human beings too. (Camera rotates, showing Stacy holding the magazine) If you're interested in one of them, make them feel comfortable by asking him questions about himself." Okay, they lost me at the "boys/human beings" thing.

(Candace growls)

Stacy: Candace, this article specifically says not to growl psychotically. It makes boys feel uncomfortable.

Candace: Look at them down there. Planning something. Oh, I'm gonna bust them today for sure.

Stacy: That's what you say everyday.

Candace: Well, that's because they build something everyday. Seems like every time I get Mom and I'm ready to bust, their stupid invention disappears.

Stacy: Candace, looks to me like you're going about this the wrong way. Don't focus on the boys; focus on the invention. If you can find out where the stuff goes, maybe you can take your Mom there and she'd finally see the evidence.

Candace: Yeah! Stacy, you're a genius!

Stacy: Wow, go figure! Would you call my mom and tell her that?

(Scene switches to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard)

Candace: Hey, Phineas!

Phineas: Yo.

Candace: Uh, you know how you guys, like, build stuff everyday?

Phineas: Yeah?

Candace: And you know how you make it disappear at the end of the day?

Phineas: No.

Candace: And-- What do you mean "No"?

Phineas: We don't make it disappear.

Candace: (Scoffs) Well, then where does it go?

Phineas: We don't know what happens to it, but it helps with cleanup. And Ferb here says to never look a gift horse in a mouth.

(Ferb nods)

Candace: So you're telling me you're not even a slightest bit curious as to where the thing goes?

(Ferb turns his head at Phineas)

Phineas: Yeah, I guess we're a little bit curious. Hmm... Why don't Ferb and I build something and you guys keep your eyes on it? Maybe you can find out where the thing goes.

Candace: Sounds like a plan! (At Stacy) A plan of busting! (They high-5, at Phineas) All right boys, make it big and make it obvious.

(Scene switches to a sign saying "Big and Obvious construction site". As the boys work the camera pans to Candace and Stacy)

Candace: Now remember, we can't take our eyes off of this for even a second.

Stacy: What if I need to blink?

Candace: Here! (Pulls out an aerosol can) Use this! Saline solution.

(Ferb's blow torch fizzing)

Phineas: Hey, (Opens Ferb's welding mask) where's Perry?

(Behind Candace and Stacy, Perry comes out of Candace's recliner. He tiptoes past it, and an elevator emerges from the grass. It dings, and it's lights flash randomly. Perry looks back to see if Candace and Stacy would look, then runs into the elevator, and it's door closes. The elevator lands in Perry's lair)

Major Monogram: What do you think, too much? Oh, I'm just getting into the mood. I'm going to Vegas this weekend. (Pause) Okay. (Takes a sheet) Our sources tell us that Doofenshmirtz is working on an invisibility ray, and that can't be good. Get out there and put a stop to it. (Perry runs off) And may luck be with you! Lady luck, baby! Hot-cha.

(Scene switches back to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard)

Isabella: Hey Phineas. Whatcha doin'?

Phineas: We're just building a big and obvious ride in our backyard!

Isabella: Cool! Can I ride it?

Candace: Nobody riding anything! We're just gonna watch it.

Phineas: Candace wants to see where it goes.

Isabella: Okay...

Buford: Whoa! What is that?

Candace: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just another one of their cool rides. Just get behind us and help us watch it.

Buford: How's my schedule?

Baljeet: Well, right now you're just carrying me around like luggage.

Buford: We're in!

(At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., Perry's hovercraft flies to it. Inside, Perry kicks open the door)

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? You're just in time. (Pulls out a remote) Just in time to be trapped! (Presses the remote button. A crashing sound is heard. Perry looks around for the trap) Didn't Major Monogram tell you I was working on an invisible ray?

(Perry shrugs)

Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, well, I made one, and now you're in an invisible cage. And so you don't get bored, I put in an invisible tin cup in there for you to play with.

(Perry picks up the cup and moves it back and forth)

Doofenshmirtz: Yes, see? Fun with sound. Behold, Perry the Platypus, (Presses the remote button) my Invis-inator! (The Invis-inator fires) And why would I need an Invisibility ray like this, you ask? Well, you know when those cute, little Fireside Girls come by to sell their-- Their cupcakes, or their-- Or their raffle tickets or whatever?

(Scene switches to Doofenshmirtz watching TV)

Doofenshmirtz: And you forgot to close your shades, (Gretchen and Katie walk up to the door. Gretchen knocks the door) so they come to the front door, and they could see you! (Gretchen and Katie peek through the window) They could see you, watching TV or whatever, (Doofenshmirtz sits back) and you can't pretend that you're not home (Doofenshmirtz sinks in his chair) because they can see you! And they have those big, pleading eyes making you feel guilty, and-- (Scene switches back to Doofenshmirtz) So, I'm just gonna shoot them with a ray so I don't have to look at them.

(Scene switches back to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard. Camera pans to everyone, including the Fireside Girls looking at the ride. Candace is seen, wide-eyed, looking at the invention. Ginger's eyes are red, veiny, and she rubs them)

Candace: Hey! No shuteye, girly.

(Song: Watchin' and Waitin')

(Clock ticking)

We're Watchin' and we're Waitin'

On the edge of our seats, anticipatin'

It's looking awful permanent

But we know it could go away

We're keeping our eyes peeled, keeping 'em glued to the spot

'Cause one moment it's there but then the next maybe not

Don't know if it's magic or some weird cosmic plot

So we're watchin' and we're waitin'

We're starin' and we're glarin' 'til our corneas burn

We hope it will stay for the rest of the day 'til our mama returns

So don't even think about blinking or it just might go away

So we're Watchin' and Waitin' (X2)

Yeah, we're Watchin' and Waitin'

We're watchin'...

(Clock ticking)

Doofenshmirtz: You see, Perry the Platypus, the entire Tri-State Area-- (Scratching) Hey, what-- What are you doing? Is that an invisible file? You've forced my hand! I have no choice (Presses the button) but to open the trap door, (The door opens) and releases the invisible tiger! (Turns around) Hmm... Uh, are you feeling any biting or scratching in there, because--

(Camera switches to Perry. Doofenshmirtz is heard being mauled by the tiger)

Doofenshmirtz: (Is seen with his coat scratched, carrying a whip and chair) Back, you tiger! Ow! Where-- Where are you? So I can snap my whip at you! (Snaps the whip twice) Get in there! Get back, get back! (Drops the whip and presses the button) In there! (The door closes) I attribute that to poor planning. (Throws away the chair) If I had the tiger door inside your cage, you would have been-- (Gets hit by Perry swinging on a rope. Doofenshmirtz rolls into the Invis-inator's ray) Now, Perry the Platypus, you can never be sure where the final strike will come from. (Perry turns around) Ah, I'm an imperceptible enigma. I move in silence-- (Perry kicks him) Ow! Oh you followed the sound of my voice, maybe I should stop talk-- (Perry punches and kicks him) Ow, ow, ow! Quit it! (He knocks down a chair and rolls into the Invis-inator's ray, causing him to become visible again) Interesting! If you're already invisible, it turns you visible again-- (Perry throws the chair at him) Ow! Oh well that came out of nowhere.

(Scene switches back to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard)

Stacy: So, how long is this gonna take?

Candace: I mean it usually disappears as soon as the kids are done playing on it-- (Gets an idea) Oop! Wait a minute, that's it! (At the gang) You guys gotta play on it! Go! Go have fun! Go!

Phineas: Okay.

Buford: (Is seen sitting on Baljeet) Eh, my schedule's flexible.

Baljeet: I used to be.

(Song: Quirky Worky Song)

Suitty-up, Booty-up, Billa-be-do-do-da (X3)

Do-da be-de-da, da-da, da-da-da

(The ride does random things. Phineas laughs, then Isabella. Then to Ferb, then Buford)

Buford: (Laughs) WOO-HOO-HOO! OH BUFORD LOVES THIS!

Candace: That's it, laugh. Laugh while you still can.

(Scene switches to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.. Perry is still fighting Doofenshmirtz. Doofenshmirtz punches him, causing Perry to slide to the Invis-inator's ray, but half of his body is visible)

Doofenshmirtz: (Laughs) Look at you! You're just a bottom! (Perry punches him) Oh, it's on now! (Charges at Perry, who throws him over. Doofenshmirtz's body is now half invisible) Oop! Look at me! I'm just a top!

(Perry jumps at him. They go through the Invis-inator's ray, and now Perry's top is visible, bottom invisible, as Doofenshmirtz's bottom is visible, top invisible. They run off, and Doofenshmirtz jumps over and punches Perry. He throws him at the Invis-inator's ray, and now Perry's bottom is visible, top invisible. Perry aims the Invis-inator at Doofenshmirtz's top, which is visible. Perry's top is visible by putting is top into the Invis-inator's ray)

(Scene switches to the Flynn-Fletcher house)

Candace: Okay, fun's fun! Now everybody, back in your seats! Now if we just keep watching it...

(At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., Perry hops off the Invis-inator, causing it to aim at the Flynn-Fletcher house)

(Scene switches back to the Flynn-Fletcher house)

Candace: Any minute now... (Horn honks. Candace gasps) I can't believe it! Mom's home! (The Invis-inator's ray hits the ride) There's no way she's gonna miss the-- (Notices the ride disappeared. She screams) Phineas, what did you do?

Phineas: I don't... Th-th-- Think I did anything!

(Candace looks up)

Candace: Wait, it's Mom! It only happens when she comes home!

(Linda drives up)

Candace: Mom! Mom! Do me a favor and just back down the driveway a bit!

Linda: Uh, okay. (She backs away. The Invis-inator's ray is heard)

Candace:'' Any changes? '' Phineas: It's back!

Candace: I can't believed that worked! (At Linda) Okay Mom, come back! Come back! (Linda drives back. The Invis-inator's ray hits the ride, causing it to disappear)

Phineas: It's gone again!

Isabella: Candace, how are you doing that?

Candace: Back back back back back! (Shoves the car backwards. She steps around the spot) There's gotta be some kind of sensor in the driveway! (Camera switches to Linda) But where is it? (Camera switches to Candace stepping around the spot) It's gotta be here somewhere! (Ray fires)

Kids: It's back! (Candace looks back, leaning) It's gone! (Candace leans forward) It's back! (Candace leans backward) It's gone! (Candace repeatedly leans forward and backward) Back! Gone! Back! Gone!

Linda: (Looks out the window) Candace, you obviously have some issues with the driveway. I'm just gonna park in front. (Backs away to the front of the house. The ray fires, and the ride come back)

Kids: It's back!

Candace: Wait, she can see it from the front yard! (Runs to the car) Mom!

Linda: Just a sec, honey. I'm getting my stuff.

Candace: Mom, look! (The ray fires, and the ride disappears) No!

(Back at the backyard)

Phineas: Hey Candace, it's still here! It's just invisible!

Candace: What?! (Runs to the backyard) It's still here?

Stacy: Candace, check this out!

(Candace feels the ride)

Candace: Hum... (Gasps) Paint!

Linda: (With grocery bags) Candace, where are you going?

Candace: I'll be right back! (At the garage she grabs a can of paint, then runs back) Ee-ee-ee-ee...

(Scene switches to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.. Doofenshmirtz's control panel is seen smoking)

Doofenshmirtz: You think you've beaten me, but you haven't, 'cause I can turn the Invis-inator into a Disintegrator, with just the simple (Pushes a button. The ray prepares to fire) push of a button!

(Perry jumps. The ray fires. At the Flynn-Fletcher house. The ray hits the invisible ride. Back at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., Perry aims the Disintegrator at the control panel. Doofenshmirtz ducks)

Doofenshmirtz: Hey, I was using that!

(Scene switches to the Flynn-Fletcher house)

Linda: Hey kids!

Phineas: Hi Mom!

Linda: I got some--

Candace: (Running excitedly, with the can of paint) Coming through!

Linda: Candace, what are you doing?

Candace: You'll see! Everyone will see! (Cackles maniacally. She dumps the paint on the spot where the ride was, causing the paint to splat on the grass. Candace drops the paint can) I don't understand! I don't understand! (Tries to feel the ride) I just don't understand!

Linda: Candace, I have no idea what you're up to, but you're more that welcome to join us for cookies when you're done cleaning up. (At the kids) Come on kids!

Kids: Yeah!/Cool!/Go Mom!/Buford loves cookies!

Ferb: Well, we were all watching it, and Quantum Theory states that the mere observation of an experiment changes its outcome.

Candace: Now you tell me.