The First Pitch Insufficiency


 * Penny: Hi. What’s going on?
 * Leonard: Baseball.
 * Penny: Okay. That’s not what I meant when I said go outside and play.
 * Leonard: He’s practicing.
 * Penny: For what? Okay.
 * Howard: The Angels wanted an astronaut to throw out the first pitch so guess who they called?
 * Penny: What you? Really?
 * Howard: Well a lot of people weren't available, but then me!
 * Penny: That’s so cool. Congratulations!


 * Penny: Watching your boyfriend run around with a broomstick between his legs is not something you forget!


 * Sheldon: Did you enjoy my lecture.
 * Amy: No and neither did our waiter.
 * Sheldon: Well, if you’re going to serve Cornish game hen you should be familiar with the history of Cornwall or be prepared to learn it.
 * Amy: It’s hard to argue with that. And I know because I saw a sad man with a pepper mill desperately try and fail.


 * Bernadette: I can’t believe you’re sore.
 * Howard: Hey. Even professional pitchers need a rubdown after the game.
 * Bernadette: But they throw an actual ball. You were throwing air at a TV.
 * Howard: For your information I also gave Leonard one hell of a high five.


 * Leonard: It’s nice to see a busy couple keep the spark of bureaucracy alive.
 * Sheldon: Ignore them Amy. They’re just jealous because they’ll never have a relationship as good as ours.
 * Penny: Isn't this where he says “bazooka” or something?
 * Sheldon: I wasn't making a joke. I was merely stating a fact. Amy and I have a superior relationship to yours.
 * Leonard: You don’t honestly think that, do you?
 * Sheldon: Leonard. I assumed you knew. The ranking in the relationship in our circle by quality is, me and Amy, Howard and Bernadette, Raj and his girlfriend, Penny and Chardonnay, Penny and you.
 * Leonard: There isn't any ranking. And if there were, we wouldn't be at the bottom of it.
 * Penny: Yeah and actually I drink Sauvignon Blanc.
 * Leonard: That’s the part you have a problem with?


 * Leonard: You can’t even go on a date without checking your relationship agreement.
 * Sheldon: If you have a problem basing a relationship on a contract, I’d like to tell you about thirteen plucky colonies that entered a relationship agreement called the U.S. Constitution. And it may not be cool to say so, but I think that love affair is still pretty hot today.
 * Amy: It’s a good thing I’m not wearing flag underwear right now cause there’s about to be a fire.


 * (The scene at the sporting hall where the very cross Bernadette slams her baseball glove down onto the floor)
 * Bernadette: (she bosses Howard crossly) It’s not that hard. You just look where you want to throw it, step toward where you want to throw it and throw it.
 * (Bernadette gives Howard's arm a tiny smack)
 * Howard: That’s your help? That’s like saying here’s how you fly a plane, get in the airplane, know where you want to go and fly it.
 * Bernadette: Just throw the ball. Let’s see what we’re working wish.
 * Raj: Come on Howard, fire it in.
 * Bernadette: (she shouts with enormous loud anger) Throw the damn ball!


 * Amy: So when are you guys plan on getting married?
 * Penny: Uh. We’re not sure, but I want to wait long enough to prove to my mother that I’m not pregnant.


 * Leonard: Are you mad at me?
 * Penny: No, stop being stupid.
 * Leonard: Um. Whew. Is this about the test or is this about us?
 * Penny: Look I don’t need to score on a test to make me worry about something I’m already worried about.
 * Leonard: What are you worried about?
 * Penny: About we’re engaged and we have nothing in common, and it scares me.
 * Leonard: Yeah, that scares me too.
 * Penny: It does?
 * Leonard: Sometimes.
 * Penny: WELL, THAT’S NOT GOOD. You being blindly infatuated with me was the rock we are building this relationship on.
 * Leonard: Okay, well, this will make you feel better. Uh, we’re both scared that our marriage may be a disaster and so that’s something we have in common. Also we both think that I’m not funny. Huh, see you’re not laughing.


 * Howard: You got any advice?
 * Mike: Yeah, don’t do it. What else you up to?
 * Howard: Why shouldn't I do it?
 * Mike: There’s no upside. If you do well, no one cares. And if you screw up, you’re an idiot on YouTube forever.


 * Leonard: I don’t care if we’re a ten or a two.
 * Sheldon: Or a one. A one is possible.
 * Leonard: Marriage is scary. You’re scared. I’m scared. But it doesn't make me not want to do it. It just makes me want to hold your hand and do it with you.
 * Penny: Leonard…
 * Amy: It would make me so happy if you would say things like that.
 * Sheldon: We just got an 8.2. Trust me, you're happy.


 * Bernadette: (she shouts a question crossly) WHY IS IT GOING SO SLOW? 
 * Howard: (shouting angrily) 'CAUSE I'M AN IDIOT WHO DIDN'T THINK THIS THROUGH!