Bert’s Birthday transcript


 * Ernie: Surprise! (Giggles) Hi, there. Welcome to Sesame Street. I was just hiding back here, practicing how I’m going to surprise my old buddy Bert because today is his birthday. (Giggles) And since you’re here, you can help me surprise him. Now, I’m going to hide right here behind Bert’s favorite chair. And when I say now, we can all yell surprise! (Giggles) Oh, here he comes.
 * (Door shuts)
 * Bert: Hm. I wonder where Ernie is. Oh, well. I guess I can read my new book my brother Bart sent me. (Grunts) The History Of Oatmeal by Molly McGruel. (Chuckles) “What is better than a piping hot bowl of oatmeal? History tells us —“
 * Ernie: Surprise, Bert!
 * Bert: Aah-aah-aah!
 * Ernie: Happy birthday!
 * Bert: (pants)
 * Ernie: (giggles)
 * Bert: Ernie, you surprised me.
 * Ernie: I sure did, Bert.
 * Bert: Oh, but — oh, hi. I didn’t see you there. Hi.
 * Ernie: Today is your special day, Bert! So I have planned a special day for you.
 * Bert: You did?
 * Ernie: I did. Well, first of all, uh, uh, give me your head, Bert.
 * Bert: What?
 * Ernie: Come here, come here.
 * Bert: Ahhh! Ernie, what the heck? Watch the hair! I just had it styled!
 * Ernie: Hold still, Bert. There you go. Let me go. (Giggles)
 * Bert: (growls)
 * Ernie: It’s you, Bert. It’s really you. (Giggles)
 * Bert: Very festive, Ernie.
 * Ernie: Mm-hmm.
 * Bert: Very festive. Great. Now I’ll just get back to reading my book, if you don’t mind.
 * Ernie: Well— your book? But— but there’s more, Bert. I mean, it’s your birthday.
 * Bert: More?
 * Ernie: Mm-hmm.
 * Bert: Oh-no.
 * Ernie: Bert, for your birthday, I have brought you a singing, tap-dancing elephant!
 * (Horn blows)
 * Bert: Ahhhhh!
 * (Happy music)
 * Horatio: (stomping) 🎼It’s your birthday, tappy tap tappy!🎼
 * Bert: Ernie! How much did this cost?
 * Horatio: 🎼It’s your birthday🎼
 * Bert: No, no!
 * Horatio: 🎼Tap you happy🎼
 * Ernie: (giggles)
 * Horatio: (giggles)
 * Ernie: And that’s not all, Bert.
 * Horatio: Happy birthday!
 * Ernie: Here’s The All-Penguin Drum and Bugle Corps!
 * (Trumpets blaring)
 * Horatio: Oh! I love these guys! Where did you come from?
 * Bert: What’s going on here?
 * Ernie: And you know what, Bert?
 * Bert: What?
 * Ernie: To top it all off—
 * Bert: To top it all off?
 * Ernie: Yes. The Honker and Dinger birthday greeting!
 * Mr. Dinger: (dinging)
 * Harold Honker: (honking)
 * Bert: Oh, no, no, no. Ernie, no! You don’t understand!
 * Ernie: Isn’t this great, Bert? It’s all for you. And you know why, Bert?
 * Bert: What?
 * Ernie: Because it’s your birthday, pal.
 * Bert: Yes, yes, yes. Oh! Everybody, everybody quiet!!!! (Pants) What— what I really want is peace and quiet! Peace and quiet so I can read my book. That’s all I ask. You— you understand, right?
 * Ernie: Well, gee— gee, Bert. I mean, after all, you’re the birthday boy, right?
 * Horatio: That’s true. He’s the birthday boy.
 * Harold Honker: (honking)
 * Mr. Dinger: (dinging)
 * Ernie: Ok. So you know what, Bert? That’s going to be my present to you— peace and quiet. Everybody out! (Giggles)
 * Horatio: Ok. Bye-bye. Have a great birthday. (Giggles)
 * Mr. Dinger: (dinging)
 * Female penguin: Happy birthday. Whoa, wait for me!
 * Bert: Really, Ernie? You’ll leave me all alone all day to read?
 * Ernie: Of course I will, Bert. It’s not every day you have a birthday.
 * Bert: Wow.
 * Ernie: So long, buddy.
 * Bert: Huh.
 * Ernie: Happy birthday.
 * Bert: Ah.
 * (Door opens and shuts)
 * Bert: Wow. Huh! (Sighs) Wow! Oh, this is terrific. Oh! “What is better than a piping hot bowl of oatmeal?”