U-Foes

MAN 1: Three, two, one Liftoff! (ROCKET FIRING) MAN 2: All systems go. Trajectory is looking good! MAN 3: Yes! This is fantastic! WOMAN: We're risking our lives for this. This plan of yours had better work! MAN 1: Of course it'll work. Now lower the shields. MAN 2: This is it. We're entering the cosmic storm area. THOR: This is madness! Madness! I quit this poking game! These rules make no sense! Okay, Thor. One, this isn't poker, it's pinochle. And two, can someone explain to me why we're playing pinochle? Because it's Cap's turn to choose the game. And because it's Cap's turn to choose the game, he chose one that no one plays anymore. He's won every game, but now that I have these cards, I can't lose. (ALARM BLARING) FRIDAY: Intruder detected. Location, primary elevator. Avengers, assemble. Oh, come on! BLACK WIDOW: Who's dumb enough to attack Avengers Tower and take the elevator? Well, maybe we're attracting a more polite kind of villain. Much as I'd like that to be true, Hawkeye, Black Widow's right on this one. Something's wrong. (BELL DINGS) Friday, deactivate alarm. Authorization, Truman Alpha-1. (ALARM STOPS) We appear to be missing an Avenger. Where exactly is the Hulk? How did you hack Friday? Who are you? My name is Truman Marsh. I'm your new boss. (CRACKLING) MAN 1: Cosmic rays are penetrating the ship. MAN 2: What's happening to us? (HULK HEAVES) Four-ninety-nine, Good to get out here again. (GRUNTING) A chance to really break a sweat. (AIRCRAFT HOVERING) (GROWLS) (GRUNTS) Ship's headed for Vista Verde! (PANTS AND GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) It's gonna crash into the town! (GRUNTING) (GROANS) No! Gotta get control! (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (GROANS) (CRASHING) Whoa! Did I do that? I didn't even touch it. Michael! James! Ann! Did it work? Worked for me, boss. (METAL CREAKING) Looks like I got metal skin. And I can become any gas I can think of. Guess I can be any energy. (CHUCKLES) One-upped you again, sis. (GRUNTS) Hey. You guys hurt? Hurt? We're better than ever. Our experiment worked. We were once human. Now, we're something more. Now you can call me How about Vector? I'm Vapor. Ironclad. I'm gonna go with X-Ray. What is this? I know this is confusing. That ship looks advanced enough to be a UFO. That's what we should call ourselves. The U-Foes! (CRICKETS CHIRPING) Even worse name than "X-Ray. " (CHUCKLES) If Ironclad likes U-Foes, that's what we are. After all, we couldn't have absorbed that cosmic radiation without the ship. And we couldn't have stolen the ship without Ironclad And Hydra, of course. Can't forget our backers. Bragging about Hydra in front of an Avenger? Rookie move, Vector. Only if the Avengers still mattered. (GROANS) (COUGHS) Breathe deep, big guy. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) First day and we take down an Avenger. Soon, the world will bow before the U-Foes. - You're not so tough, are ya, Hulk? - HULK: I'll show ya tough! (BOTH GROAN) (GROANS) (CHUCKLES) Hulks don't like being smashed! (SCREAMS) (ROARS) (YELLS) (GROANS) Our chariot awaits. Come on! We have a schedule to keep. (GRUNTS) The Avengers failed to stop the Terrigen Wave. Now there are more new Inhumans every day. And since no one's happy about that, the President took action and just signed the New Powers Act. - (SCOFFS) The what? - New Powers Act. It gives the government control of the Avengers and everything related to us. I never thought the President would be foolish enough to sign it, though. Then you should have voted for someone else. IRON MAN: Whatever. If Uncle Sam wants to slap a flag on the Avenjet, fine. As long as we run the show. But you aren't "running the show," Mr. Stark. That's the problem. The world cannot afford for you to sit on your hands until the next insane robot falls from the sky. It's time to become proactive. The CIA discovered this Hydra base in Arizona. Your mission is to find out what's inside it. Looks fortified. We'll need Hulk to breach it. This intel is fresh. We don't have time to wait for Hulk. You can do the job just fine without him. Some government pencil neck giving us orders? - I don't like it. - I'm with you. But if Hydra is there, then we better check it out. HYDRA AGENT 1: Strucker has to come back to run Hydra, right? HYDRA AGENT 2: And only Baron Strucker has the authority to lead us. But no one's seen him for months. I don't like it, but we have to consider other options. Cap, hang back for a moment. (ON RADIO) There's some kind of power struggle going on. If there's a schism in Hydra, we should learn what we can before busting any heads. Agreed. We'll hold position around the hangar and wait for your signal. Hail Hydra, or what's left of it. - HYDRA AGENT: Is that Simon? - Good, you remember me. My team and I flew the spaceship into the cosmic storm, giving us "powers. " Just as we'd planned. How long have you waited, hoping Strucker would come back before the Avengers found you? Well, the U-Foes don't fear the Avengers. We've already beaten their Hulk and, together, we'll beat the rest of them. Gotcha! VECTOR: Well done, X-Ray. (GROANING) Hydra! If you follow the U-Foes, even the Avengers will bow down before you. They'll bow or they'll perish. (BOTH SCREAMING) Let's go with "perish. " Man, are you guys in trouble. We are in trouble? Do you take us for fools? Pretty much. Now! (GROANS) (GRUNTS) (GROANS) (GRUNTS) Hydra will follow our orders. Once we've triumphed over the Avengers. (GROANS) Thor! Hang on! I'm (GROANING) Not going anywhere? Yeah, that's about right. (COUGHING) Guess Stark tech corrodes as fast as everything else. (COUGHING) (YELLING) (GRUNTS) (SCOFFS) So much for Earth's mightiest heroes. You, dump the Hydra computer files. Everything top-secret or above. Then sound the evacuation alarm, now. I'll take those. (YELLS) (ROARS) (STRAINING) You got me last time. But here comes the rematch! (GRUNTING) (YELLS) Thanks, Hawkeye. (ALARM BLARING) That's our cue. X-Ray, it's time to go nova. Got it, boss. IRON MAN: I'm picking up a massive amount of energy. Our friend's about to detonate. - Everyone, fall back. - It's too late for that. At this point, we don't need distance, we need cover. You want cover? Hulk makes cover! (STRAINING) (EXPLODING) Nicely done. Now let us pursue the villains and resume the fight. Uh, Thor, I think we need to find them first. THOR: Oh. MARSH: Unacceptable. I sent you to gather intelligence, not destroy it. You didn't even detain any suspects. Who's the puny suit, and why is he talking so much? This puny suit is about to pull you off this team, Hulk. You were not part of the plan. That's not fair. You can't blame Hulk for what the U-Foes did. Who says I can't? (BREAKING) (GRUNTS) Come on, Hulk. He isn't worth it. With all due respect, you weren't there. The mission didn't go as planned, but Hulk saved our lives. That's the problem with you Avengers. You think any landing you can walk away from is success. You never stop to ask why the plane crashed in the first place. Don't be so hard on yourself, Hulk. You didn't smash Marsh. That's more than I might do in your place. Maybe he's right. U-Foes got away. Hydra got away. Maybe Maybe Hulk is the problem. The team trusts you. - We know you made the right call. - Exactly. You can't let critics like Marsh trip you up, Big Green. You just need to keep on smashing. So let's figure out where to smash next. BLACK WIDOW: It appears they were backed by Hydra. They stole a spaceship to expose themselves to cosmic rays and gain their powers. We don't have much on them, but if we look into criminal records, we should be able to find something. I don't think we have time. These U-Foes gained their abilities and took over Hydra all in one day. They're gonna strike again, fast. Not fast. Now. (BEEPING) FALCON: An old S. H. I. E. L. D. distress signal. Coming from an office building? (GRUNTS) Oh, yeah! (BEATBOXING) Yeah! Hurry, before the Avengers get here? Too late. You really don't know when you're beaten, do you? The Avengers are never beat. (GRUNTS) Falcon, what's the situation on civilians? Good news. I'm not getting any life signs above the ground floor. That's bad. If Hydra isn't moving up, it's heading down. And S. H. I. E. L. D. always liked to keep the dangerous stuff in the basement. This is an old S. H. I. E. L. D. base? Then we cannot let Hydra get it. (GRUNTS) You act like you can stop us. Vapor, give us some cover. X-Ray, Ironclad, take 'em all out. - X-RAY: Come get some! - IRON MAN: Mmm, no, thanks. CAPTAIN AMERICA: Vapor incoming! (GRUNTS) (YELLING) (BOTH COUGHING) IRONCLAD: Get back here! (GRUNTS) (GROANS) Clothesline! Hey, Cap! (GRUNTS) Keep your eyes open, Captain. If Vapor doesn't blind you, you might learn something. Forget it, Ironclad. I've been fighting goons like you since before you were born. (GRUNTING) Great. Now one of them has earthquake powers. It's not them. (KLAXON BLARING) It's a S. H. I. E. L. D. Helicarrier! But the old Helicarriers were destroyed. Supposed to be destroyed. It appears one got stashed away. All systems are online, sir. The Helicarrier is ours. You mean the U-boat, don't you? Hmm. The "U-boat" it is. CAPTAIN AMERICA: Falcon, evacuate the town. We can't leave citizens in danger. I think we're the ones in danger. VECTOR: (ON PA) I admire you Avengers. Even in the face of all our power, you're still defiant. Stupid, but defiant. Fire! (WEAPONS POWERING UP) Everyone, take cover! VECTOR: Welcome to the future, ladies and gentlemen. No Avengers, no limits. FALCON: Heads up! Missiles coming in! (GRUNTS) Set a course for Washington, D. C., half-speed. Taking out a few military bases should help convince the President to surrender. I'd much rather live in the White House than destroy it. (GRUNTS) Cap, are you in there? (GRUNTS) Iron Man, are you okay? IRON MAN: I will be, as soon as you get off my legs. (GRUNTS) Even with their Helicarrier, the U-Foes retreat from us. Cowards! Ah, something's coming in on radar. HYDRA AGENT: Sir, it's just a single aircraft. What? Put it onscreen. We've got a missile lock. Hang on! (BEEPING) And they wonder why I take them for fools. No, no, no! Hold tight. This'll be a rough stop. We're in. We'll keep them busy out here and rendezvous with you when we can. Good luck. (GRUNTS) Ahhh! The U-Foes may have this ship, but we're the ones who know Helicarriers inside and out. Let's get to the bridge and take it back. (GRUNTS) - You could surrender. - Not a chance. Ahhh! They never pick surrender. Keep going. I'll get us some privacy. We've been boarded. The Avengers are here. Ahhh! (CAPTAIN AMERICA GRUNTS) Keep them at bay. We can't lose the ship. Gentlemen, after you. (YELLS) (GROANS) Don't just stand there. Attack! (GROANS) (GROANING) (YELLS) It's over, Vector. Stop, all of you, or this entire state goes up like a match. Talk fast, Vector. VECTOR: This ship is set to crash right into a nuclear power plant. Only my personal password can stop it. Get off my ship now, or half this state will glow in the dark. Big Green, time to join the party. (ROARS) No! That's the primary computer! Now nothing can change the ship's course. You better run for it, then. (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) - We're going down! - Out of my way! X-RAY: One side, Vector! (GRUNTS) Cowards. Like rats off a sinking ship. Ship's not sunk yet. Good thinking, Hulk. Yeah, brilliant. So how are we not gonna crash? Hey, Hulk ain't the one with "genius" on his business card. I had to ask. How do we get out of here? All the hallways look the same. (WHIRRING) Seriously? You think that's going to hold us? BLACK WIDOW: (ON PA) Oh, that's just the cleanup crew. Knockout gas. (ALL COUGHING) (MOANS) Nighty-night. Looks like a Stark tech interface. Or something close to it. IRON MAN: Welcome to Stark Industries Airlines, where the drinks are cold and the flight attendants are Tony, fly the ship. (COW LOWS) IRON MAN: Not bad. I think we did okay. MARSH: Every shred of data destroyed. The whole computer was scrapped. We saved a town, a state, a secret S. H. I. E. L. D. base, and a Helicarrier, and you're angry about missing data? The world is run on data, Captain. This entire operation was based on gathering intel, and thanks to him, I don't have any of it! You went off half-cocked one too many times. Sir, I pushed Hulk to it. - If you need to blame someone - Don't presume to order me, Romanov. Pack your things, Hulk. You're not an Avenger anymore. - You can't do that! - No way, man! - What gives you the right - Guys, stop. Appreciate it, but Hulk will always be an Avenger, whether some puny suit says so or not. Yeah, Marsh, he seemed really out of control. Say, here's a question. Where are you gonna find someone who could even possibly fill Hulk's shoes? Just wondering. Oh, I already have his replacement. Gentlemen, ladies, the name's Hulk, Red Hulk. Now, what are we gonna smash first? (LAUGHS)