Hang in There, Baby

1 [grunts] Hold all my calls. [giggling] [music] Boss Baby I'm the boss, Boss Baby Boss boss, Boss Baby, boss boss - Boss Baby - Watch a itty-bitty kid get large I'm the big Boss Baby in charge Stroller rolling Up and down the boulevard I'm the big Boss Baby in charge - Boss Baby - I run this house, I rule this crib Change my diaper, son, where's my bib? Don't pacify, you just got to pay me Who's in charge? Me, the Boss Baby. We need an adorable poster campaign by Friday, or we're toast. - I need ideas. You! - Ah! We see a baby with a fuzzy tail. Ah! Nightmare fuel! You're off the team. - Oh! - You? Imagine a baby on a potty chair that's made of flowers! Gross! Strangely beautiful, but mostly gross. - You're off the team. - But [groans] I'm surrounded by amateurs. I could get better ideas from some mail department intern. You, mail baby. Poster idea. - Go! - Me? Uh A baby crawling out of a giant [sighs] [stammers] envelope! [gasps] Special delivery, no postage necessary. [chuckles] Brilliant! I'm digging what you're dumping, kid. What's your name? Mega Fat Mail Room Intern Baby. How'd you like to be my Mega Fat intern in the posters and greeting cards department? Oh, my goodness! I get to work with Boss Baby, the fastest-rising star in Baby Corp? Oh, you better believe it. Now get those snot rocks out of your schnoz, buy a fresh pair of booties. Before every move, ask yourself one question: how will this increase baby love? [gasps] You are so business savvy. Are we going to be best friends? [chuckles] Well, I don't like to make market predictions, but a smart guy like you filled with advice like mine, well, I'd say stock in You and Me Incorporated is going nowhere but up, up, up! - [singing] - Will you listen to me?! This is urgent, you noise-making dumpling. - We have to act on this! - [gasps] You broke my noise machine. I am not cheap to repair! Will you please just listen? I've got a lead on Bootsy Calico's master plan. "Six well-placed kittens. " What does it mean? I figure Bootsy has been planting kittens all around town. Mr. Pineapple, that one he gave to the Mayor, Cat Cop, probably one of the copycats. That's four. Who are the other two? We have suspects, but we need resources to find them. This is a five-alarm, all-hands-on-deck situation. Oof McGoof. It seems the teacher has become the flunky, F-minus loser student. Have you forgotten the first lesson you ever taught me? "How will this increase baby love?" Bootsy Calico is a madman. The whole town is in jeopardy. - This is bigger than baby love. - Oh, what? Now you talkin' crazy. Waste my time on your own time. I'm shutting you diddy-diddy-down. - [imitates powering down noise] - But - Did you just call me a butt? - What? A butt? No. One could interpret him as having called you a butt. - What? - Really, Boss Baby, a butt? - That's the very best you can do? - Oh, I can do much better. Oh, you are not sassing me. Are we doing this? I think you are sassing me, and we are doing this. Okay. Fine. Magnus, it's time. Hit that big red button. The button on this drawing you made me carry around for months has been hit. [whistles] Kaboom! Let's go nuclear, Boss Baby. I've got hush-hush secret dirt on you, naughty boy. And tomorrow morning, I'm taking it to the board of directors. Secret dirt on me? You're bluffing. You would've used it already. Oh, well, then I guess you have nothing to worry about, until tomorrow, when I end your career. Oh, I flipped it. Bye-bye-byesies. It's cool. I'm good. This is not cool. I am cooked! What does he have on you? Nothing, right? You're the best. Yeah, nothing. No need to panic. [screams] Is there some secret you don't remember? Like a booger ball you've been hiding in your dresser drawer for no reason or something? When Mega Fat worked for me, I gave him plenty of secrets. But we were friends. They were all good secrets. Secret: put a blankie under your desk, and no one will ever know you're power napping. Oh, hoo, hoo! Secret: want stronger coffee? Add seven or eight extra scoops when Office Manager Baby Barb isn't looking. [slurps] Oh, whoo! Giddy-up, baby! Yeehaw! What! Secret: learn to change your own diaper one-handed and you'll never have to interrupt another call. Ooh. Ooh! Ooh! [baby] Did you just change your diaper on the phone with me? No. [both laughing] And then, one day, he betrayed me. Well, what happened? - [monitor chiming] - Hold that thought. Any luck, Frankie? Dead end. No idea where Mega Fat would keep secret evidence. Ah, I knew it was a long shot. Thanks. I mean, there's that secret vault in his office behind the bookcase. The one he keeps putting things into and laughing all evil like [laughs] But that's too obvious, right? Secret vault behind the bookcase? Outstanding work, Frankie. Sorry I can't help. Bye. All right, Templeton. - We need to stop Bootsy, right? - Absolutely. But if Mega Fat's secret dirt gets me fired, we lose access to all of Baby Corp's resources - And then we can't stop Bootsy. - Oh, you're a natural, kid. So tonight, while Mom and Dad sleep, we are going to break in and rob Mega Fat's vault. Whoa, I thought we were the good guys. Breaking in, robbing, sneaking out of the house after dark, that's bad guy stuff. Hey! Ah, the latest issue of Centipedeor: Unleashed. I didn't read this one yet. Tell me, Templeton, what happened after the villainous Dark Swatter completed his mega Earth zapper? Well, first, Centipedeor stole the Army's secret LaserChopper. [laughing] Tally-ho to the chase, Ladybug Lad. You'd think a hero named after a hundred-legged bug wouldn't need a helicopter to catch a villain on foot, but, sure, I'll suspend disbelief. [Dark Swatter] Is that all you've "swat"? [laughs] I'll get you, Dark Swatter, no matter the cost. Well, I calculate over two million dollars in property damage. [Dark Swatter laughing] - [trigger beeps] - [Dark Swatter screams] Oh, well, make that 80 million. I do what I gotta do to save the planet. I am Centipedeor Unleashed. Then I assume the police come arrest you for destroying half the city? What? No. Centipedeor gets a medal from the president. He only destroyed the city to save the world. Oh. Don't you see? You can do whatever you want so long as it's for the greater good. Break into vaults, smash stuff, stay out all night without permission. I never get to stay out all night or smash stuff. But if it's for the greater good We have to do bad stuff to save your job so we can save the town from Bootsy Calico. Yes! Welcome to the magical world of gray area rationalization. Welcome to Tim Templeton Unleashed. Noble scoundrel, first things first: if we're staying out all night, we need to make sure Mom and Dad don't wake up and find us gone. - Covert exhaustion ops? - Fire 'em up, tire 'em out. Boom, baby. - [giggling] - [panting] - Tickly, tickly, tickly! - [giggles] Ha! Baby, no! [both laughing] [gasps] - [cooing] - [giggling] [Dad laughing] [all laughing] [both snoring] [Dad] Hey, I bought the cotton candy. Well, they're not waking up. Fun day today, too. It's good to be unleashed. - They're upside down again, aren't they? - It suits you. [elevator bell dings] Whoa! Staci. Unleashed. Shh! Security will hear you. Keep it down. Keep it down? That's not unleashed. That's totally leashed. Leave the guard to me. - Where did you learn that, Stace? - Nunchuk college. [grunts] Karate university. Listen up, no one can know we were here. Leave no trace. Clobber no guards. - Boring. - [shushing] [Phil] Is that intruders? And there's Security Baby Phil, thank you. Where's Jimbo? He was supposed to be our diversion. - I don't know. He's late again. - Then hide, quickly! [barks, sniffs] You can't get past this mad dog's super-sensitive ears. [howls] Too loud. Sensitive ears. [elevator bell dings] Beware of the mad dog. Hello, I am a custodian named Not Jimbo. Oh, a janitor. I will now vacuum non-suspiciously. Too much noise. Sensitive ears. Yikes, yikes, yikes! - Jimbo, where have you been? - Sorry, I couldn't find my chupie. So I looked and looked and found a different chupie, but it's not as good as my chupie that I lost. I miss that chupie so much. Chupie, come home No time for emotional ballads. Here's the plan. With Jimbo keeping Mad Dog Phil away, the rest of us infiltrate Mega Fat's office, crack his vault, destroy the evidence and get out before the super-duper early shift starts. - We good? - I'm good. - So good. - And so unleashed. Hey, I did it right. - [Staci grunts] - [Tim grunts, groans] - Locked. - Let's blow it up. - It's like I'm in your head. - Put a leash on it, you two. A big boom-boom is bound to get us busted, then it's bye-bye, Boss Baby. My turn. Barrel of big butt blue bananas boing, boing, boing. - What? I'm unleashed. Blow it up! - What I'm trying to say is - can we try using our heads first? - Unleashed! [grunts] I meant, let me try to crack the combination. Maybe some number that was important to Mega Fat CEO Baby back when we were friends. - [Phil howling] - [Tim gasps] - Phil's coming! - I'm reminiscing as fast as I can. One, two, tee-hee-hee. I love it. Your talent is so inspiring, Boss Baby. So I actually doodled a little poster of my own. Oh, initiative. The pedals on the tricycle called success. - What is that? - It's one for teens. You know, teenagers love putting posters of cool people on their walls. Why not cool babies? [laughs] Brilliant. One for teens. - You like it? - Remember this day, Mega Fat Intern Baby. This is the day you got your first executive gold star. Oh! [panting] Oh, boy! I love it! - Here's to one for teens. - One for teens. [both] One for teens! One for teens. One-fourteen. [lock beeps, clicks] [grunts, snarls] [Phil howls] And then, one day, he betrayed me. Anyway we're in. Now let's move this bookshelf, open the secret vault, steal Mega Fat's dirt on you and skedaddle. - Wait. I just need a moment. - I thought you didn't want to get caught. Super early morning shift starts in four hours? We're doing pretty good on time, actually. "Tomorrow, get Boss Baby fired. " [sighs] There was a time he'd have given me the diaper off his own derriere. Now, just constant betrayal. Hey, can I rub my naked butt all over his desk? - What? - Double-cheeking the desk of a baby who's mean to my brother, it's what unleashed guys do. - Do it! - I'm touched, but I have to say, I'm uneasy about this side of you. You've always been my moral compass. Do you wanna rub your naked butt on his desk? Yes, more than anything. I need this. Go! [laughs] You like that, notebook with plans to fire me, don't you? Take that, part of the telephone where your mouth goes Whoa! Not that unleashed. Red alert from Jimbo! Magnus just showed up to work. In the middle of the night? Hey, gotta keep his Employee of the Month streak alive somehow. We're almost to the vault. Jimbo! - Can you keep him busy? - But he's gonna recognize me. [whistles tune] [Jimbo gasps] [Jimbo chuckles] Nothing gets past me. You don't say. And this is some outstanding janitorial work. I commend you. - Good evening, Security Baby Phil! - [Phil] My ears! He's headed your way! [sniffing] I sense something amiss. Aha! Unfinished paperwork! This ends here. Buy low, sell high. Merger, merger! I have never felt so alive! Quarterly financial report, kapow! [door opens, closes] [screams, grunts] Say what you will about that baby, his paperwork is transcendent. Super early shift starts in half an hour. We better open this secret vault. [grunting] Man-baby, pushies! Tim Templeton Unleashed. [both grunting] Baby furniture is way lighter than you think. No combination? Is it unlocked? - [handle buzzing] - [laughing] It tickles. I think Tim Templeton Unleashed can handle a little - [handle buzzing] - [laughing] Whoa, that is tickly. Of course. You're doing a bang-up job. - [buzzing] - [laughing] Ooh! - You got me good. - Office high jinks, buddy. I love high jinks. - [buzzes] - [laughing] - Gotcha, buddy. - [chuckles] Hey, high jinks. [chuckles] What a card. How do I turn this off? I'm starving. Hello? [cackles] Please? I'm so hungry. [laughs] I'll get you for this. [stapler buzzing] Gotcha, bud Okay, why is there no giggling? I practiced over and over at home until I felt nothing. No more high jinks on this guy. I win. Wow, I'd hate to get on your bad side, BFF. But then, one day, he betrayed me. - Are you ever going to say what actually - This is an endurance lock. Only Mega Fat can stand the tickle, so only he can open it. If daycare taught me anything, it's incredible tolerance for No. I created this monster. This is my battle. - [handle buzzing] - [laughing] [coughing] [groans] - Look at that. - It's a big stack of pictures. - The secret! - He's got dirt on everyone. Worker Baby Amal eating pencils. Hendershot drinking from Peg's bottle. Peg dunking Hendershot's bottle in the toilet Oh, I wish I hadn't seen that. [gasps] - Did you find the dirt on you? - Get Jimbo in here now. [Jimbo grunts] [whimpers] Is this why you've been running late? You've been carrying on with that pet cat? [grunts] We're fighting to stop Bootsy and his kittens from plunging the world into chaos, and you're petting one? - What have you told her? - Nothing! Gwendolyn's a good kitty. So soft and friendly. You disgust me! Guys, what's this? [gasps] How is that a secret? I see that poster everywhere. I I know what this is. A reminder of the day he betrayed me. Finally! [laughs] Look how silly. It's cute and disturbing! - Like me. [laughs] - Hey! - What's all the fuss about? - Oh, no biggie. Just crushing it. A cat poster? How will this increase baby love? It neutralizes the enemy. [chuckles] Who would want a cat when they see how silly they are? Not our concern. It should be a baby. - Presentation time? - Uh, no, buddy. You stay put. - I thought we were a team. - We are, but I'm still the boss. Ever feel like you've had a bad day that couldn't get any worse? Well, hang in there, baby. [all whispering] I'm sorry, but we feel this poster makes babies look foolish. This may actually decrease baby love. - Uh, that was the intern's idea. - [gasps] My idea was, we make cats look foolish. You know, neutralize the enemy. Good idea. [all cheering] Yes. - Right on. - Very nice. Great job. Hmm. [growls] The poster was huge. It made a significant dent in cat love, turning cats into a joke for millions. You took all the credit. You betrayed him. [gasps] You're not Ladybug Lad. You're Dark Swatter. You're the bad guy. Yeah, wow, I really remembered that wrong. Whoopsy doodly doo. I guess we all make mistakes. Mega Fat CEO Baby. I should've known this was a trap. Sorry not sorry for this goose chase. I wanted you to remember the betrayal that inspired me to rise to the tippy tippy top, just so I could crush you. It feels so good. Phil, seize their chupies. Grr! [spits] I'm sorry about the poster, but we were besties once. We can try again. Nothing's more important than stopping Bootsy Calico. - You cannot fire me at a time like this. - Who said anything about firing you? I said you'd never work here again. [line ringing] Hello. Ted and Janice Templeton? [both gasp] - Have you checked the children? - [Mom snores, screams] What? Ted, where are the kids? What time is it? - Hang in there, baby. - Oh, no. - We need to get home now. - Can I be unleashed now? - You don't need my permission. - [screams] - [Staci grunts] - [Phil panting, grunting] [both grunting] - [Jimbo] Hello! - [both gasp] - [both whimpering] - Ah! - Take the chupies. Go! - To the elevators, Templeton! - How long do we have to sit here? - I'd say right now. - [stapler buzzing] - [laughing] [Staci screams, grunts] Slow them down. Give Mommy and Daddy time to really worry. - Come on, come on, come on! - How long do you think we have? If they're still groggy, two minutes, tops. We can make it. [Tim gasps] [Phil grunting] [elevator bell dings] Oof! [groans] Nice knowing you, Boss Baby. Staci's room? Blast! I've got Staci's chupie. Jimbo's room. Ah, I've got Jimbo's chupie. - Head for the back. We can climb. - No time. We have to try the front door, and hope they haven't [both gasp] - [whimpering] - [gasps] I found them! - Where were you? - Oh, thank goodness. We are never letting you two out of our sight again. Never, ever, never, never, never. [elevator bell dings] Oh. You two are so busted right now. - [elevator bell dings] - Ooh! The super early shift is starting super-duper early today. Well, well, welly, well, wellsy, wellaby, well, well, well. What the hoo ha? Hey, that's my lost chupie! [chuckles] That's right, big chunky baby boy. I'd like you to meet well-placed kitten number six. Actually, I believe you're already acquainted. You see, I placed this kitty in your heart. - [meows] - Gwendolyn? My chupie wasn't lost. You stole it! - [meows] - Phil, seize him! Ah! [all meowing] [Phil] The meowing. Too loud! Mad Dog's getting beat by cats! So this is Baby Corp. Just a wonderland of state-of-the-art this and that. The perfect HQ to watch my kittens drown this town into chaos! [chuckles] [camera whirring] I've been leashed. Boss Baby