The Apprentice

Going to the Presentation



 * Good luck with the presentation, Dad.




 * Ugh, stupid tie. Where's it supposed to go? I don't even have a neck. Ugh. Ah, that's better. Come on, Fitzgerald, go get the contract! I can't do it! I'm a loser, a pathetic goober! I'm a useless peanut-  No, you're the man! One-hundred percent nut. One-hundred percent NUUUUUUUUT!  What are you doing here?!


 * Shhhh, there there now, Mr. Fitzgerald, or should I say Dad?


 * No, you shouldn't.


 * Now, I know you don't think of me as good son-in-law material, and that's why I'm here - to prove that I'm worthy of your daughter. Come on, challenge me. CHALLENGE ME, PATRICK!


 * I don't have time for this today. I've got a very important meeting in ten minutes so I hope you'll understand.


 * Understand what?



In the Parking Lot



 * Are you testing my perseverance?




 * Actually, you know what? What the-- How?


 * You lock cars to stop people from getting in, not getting out.


 * Oh, yeah.


 * And it's a criminal offense to leave a child unaccompanied in a vehicle.


 * Ha, I think that's pretty low down on the cops' list of priorities.




 * Were you about to leave a minor unaccompanied in a vehicle?!




 * No, he's, just, going home.


 * Unaccompanied?



At Chanax. Inc



 * What do you want?!


 * The chance to prove that I'm the right man for your daughter! And if you won't test me, then I'll test myself! Like, uh, my love for Penny is as strong as my arms. See? I win! Wait, that means I lost, too.  Oh, wait, Patrick, hold on!


 * Hi. I have a 10:00 with the CEO.


 * Okay. And, uh, who is this?




 * Oh. What are you doing?


 * Proving my flexibility, because you know what happens when you're not flexible in a relationship? It breaks.


 * Sir?


 * Aha yes! He's my...uh...apprentice. He follows me everywhere quietly and never does anything embarrassing.




 * Okay, well, he needs to sign in, too.



Operation Peanut Butter



 * And so the apprenticeship begins, learning from the man himself!


 * I think I'm gonna be sick.




 * Wait! This is the perfect chance to protect you in a vulnerable situation!  Pssh, commencing Operation Peanut Butter. Sir, that might not be safe. I'll go in first.  Clear. Clear!  All clear. You are good to go, sir.  Pssh, Operation Peanut Butter is a success. I repeat, Opera--


 * Could you please, just, stop saying that?


 * Sir, yes, sir! Would you like me to keep the door open to ensure your safety?


 * No! ...Actually, maybe you could just, run some water.

In the Elevator



 * It's my genes, isn't it?


 * What now?


 * You're worried that my DNA isn't good enough for your grandchildren.


 * What are you talkin' about?




 * Well, you see, Patrick, DNA is the molecule that contains the genetic code of life. It programs everything in your body, whether you're tall, small, or  crawl. Whether you're a bat, a rat, or a cat, DNA is inherited from your parents--


 * Okay, I admit, I am worried about your father's genes. I heard he ended up in the hospital last week 'cause he wanted to know what lightning tasted like. But you can't do anything about your DNA.


 * Can't you? How about a new voice? Oh - wait a sec...






 * I'll...uh...


 * Take the next one?


 * No, I was gonna say I'm gonna wear my eyes the other way around and bleach my brain.


 * Okay.



The Meeting

 * ...'Mornin'.


 * Good morning, sir. So, uh, to begin at the beginning,  I have an exciting development opportunity for your company.




 * He's acting like he's on television, but he's actually in an important business meeting!




 * Um, maybe I should just cut to the chase. I would like to present to you the n--




 * He's trying to help, but he's making you look like a foo-hoo-hool!


 * I would like to present to you the new- The new Elmore Hospital.


 * Hospital, hospital, hospital...




 * Sorry for wasting your time, sir. You made me look like a complete goober!




 * Do you play golf, Mr. Fitzgerald?




 * Uhhh--


 * Yes!




 * It's like the briefcase itself is talking! Please bring your little apprentice to the green this afternoon, he amuses me, I haven't laughed like this since my last bailout.


 * And if we win, we get the contract?




 * Sure, why not? A million-dollar business decision based on a game of golf!



Getting Ready

 * How are we gonna win this? I don't know anything about golf.
 * How are we gonna win this? I don't know anything about golf.


 * That's what I'm here for.


 * Kid, you're driving a golf cart through the supermarket.


 * Oh, I never pretended I knew anything about golf. I'm here to help you cheat.  Cheat more than a professional cyclist, or a baseball player, or a football player, or a--


 * Yeah, okay, okay, I get it. Just please don't mess this up.


 * So it is a trial!


 * Yes. If we win this game and keep the client happy and get the contract then maybe I'll begin to trust you.


 * Can I push you to a probably?


 * It's becoming a possibly.


 * Then I'll take the maybe.



The Game



 * This is now a decisive shot for Patrick Fitzgerald. You can feel the tension in the air. A lot is riding on the shot. And he really doesn't want to mess it up.  ABSOLUTELY GREAT, OH MY GOSH, THAT WENT EVERYWHERE!




 * He switched commentators voices at the worst moment, causing you to completely ruin your swing!




 * Don't worry, I got this.




 * He mistook an egg for a ball and is now facing the anger of those two irate birds! Oh, go on, Fitzgerald, I'm having so much fun I'll let you have a second shot.


 * Thank you, sir. Watch out! Don't go to your left!


 * What?? The ball's on the left??


 * No! Don't go to the left!


 * I am on the left!


 * Go to your left!




 * He's gonna get hit by the ball as a consequence of his misunderstanding. And it made a coconut sound!




 * Gumball. Kid...kid, are you okay?




 * Can you hear all that cheese?


 * What? Pull yourself together.


 * The ball bounced off your head and landed straight in the hole.


 * We're two points up, there's a chance we could win this thing.


 * Are you gonna be okay?




 * Yeah, I think I'm better.


 * So I can count on you?


 * Absolutely.










 * Gumball. Gumball! Are you with me?


 * Yes. Yes, of course.


 * Are you sure? Because my sausage melted when the grand vizir cracked that artichoke.


 * Uh-huh.


 * Do you need me to repeat?


 * Uh-huh.


 * We're one point away from winning. Make sure this ball goes in the hole.




 * Huh. Well, that's... convenient.




 * Mr. Fitzgerald must lose.


 * What?




 * The contract will not be used for a hospital, it will be used to build a new highway going straight to Elmore. It will be our doom.


 * How do you know all this stuff, magic frog?


 * The clue's in my name.


 * Frog?... Oh, yeah, magic. But if we lose the contract--




 * Make your choice. This is your trial.


 * Mr. Fitzgerald, stop, stop! He's not going to use your firm to build a new hospital, he's gonna use you to build a freeway right through the middle of Elmore!


 * What? How do you know?


 * The magic frog told me.


 * Enough! If you mess this up, I will never forgive you.


 * But-




 * What have you done?!


 * NOOOO! My nonsensical plan to pretend to lose this game of golf to trick you into signing with me without paying attention to what you would sign has been foiled by the beautiful sacrifice of a child!  You may win now, but I will have my revenge!




 * You lost that game deliberately—




 * —knowing you'd lose my trust forever.




 * And all for the greater good of Elmore? There couldn't be a more worthy person to become my son-in-law! Come here!




 * He got knocked out by the ball and while unconscious he tripped a whole happy ending that barely made any sense! But none of that ever happened and you lost both the game and the hospital contract - and it was all his fault!