Building the Perfect Weapon

(INDISTINCT CHATTER) (CAMERA CLICKS) Mom, can we get a picture with the troll? (CAMERA CLICKING) Honey, didn't you already take a picture with that troll? No, Mom. Not that troll. That troll. (GASPS) (ROARS) (CROWD CLAMORING) So cool! Have at thee! (GROANS) Trolls from Asgard! (GROWLING) What are they doing here? From these energy readings, looks like a portal to Nornheim opened up in the convention center. We can't have trolls in here. Then let's show them out. Black Widow, you and Hawkeye flank 'em on the right. Thor, with me. Down you go. And out you go. Fight hard, friends. Send these trolls back to whence they came! Now, Hulk, enter the fray! (GROWLING) What? You've never seen a Red Hulk before? (GROWLING) (YELLS) (GROANS) Get some! Get some! Get in there! Yeah! (LAUGHS) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! (LAUGHING) (LAUGHS) What? Oh, yeah. Avengers assemble! (CHUCKLES) Whatever. Good job. You showed real teamwork out there. Uh, is he joking? 'Cause I can't tell. I never joke, ever. Yeah, we got that, Marsh. But you know what else isn't a joke? What Red Hulk did at the convention center. He's new to the team and still figuring it out. It's called a learning curve. - I got another word for it - He's out of control. - Someone'll get hurt. - He's not a team player. He's gonna do it again. I just do not like him. Enough. I don't want to hear anymore. Unless you have a better idea. We do. We want our Hulk back. (SIGHS) We've been through all this. Why bring it up again? Because we need him. Maybe not today. But a week from now, or even tomorrow. Who knows? And with that stupid collar you made him put on, he's barely half as strong as he was. He can't even turn back into Dr. Banner. At least Red Hulk knows how to follow orders. The rest of you better fall in line and learn how to follow orders too, or there will be consequences. Is that supposed to be a threat? You know, I'm beginning to think I did make a mistake. About time you admitted it. I should have made him leave here a long time ago. He's too much of a distraction. Hulk is not going anywhere. - He's our friend. - We're a team. - Out of the question. - He's staying. (DOOR OPENS) Yo! Been cleaning my lasers. I miss anything? What, is there something on my face or something? Guess not. Hey, Greenie! Just the one I was looking for. Need you to take care of something. My cannon mount dripped a little oil. Sure'd be nice if you cleaned it up for me. (GROWLS) (GROANS) BLACK WIDOW: Hulk, wait! MARSH: If you're finished, I've got a mission for you. You can all go after him later, on your own time. If he thinks I'll go on another mission with that maniac We have to make the best of it, Tony. I thought you were a maniac when I met you. (GRUNTS) (SIGHS) (BIRDS SCREECHING) Whatever AIM's up to here, it's got to be big. It's a mobile base, meant to be packed up and moved real fast. Except for that one tent right over there. - CAPTAIN AMERICA: How do you - RED HULK: See its concrete base and those metal vent tubes? That's where we need to go. Maniac, huh? (GROWLING) Yeah, maniac. Hawkeye, set up a distraction for him, fast. One distraction coming up. Over there, quick! (MEN SHOUTING) (GROWLS) What's the matter with you, Red? Are you trying to get us all taken out? See that stairway? I'm betting it leads to an underground complex. Come on! BLACK WIDOW: Notice he didn't answer the question. (WHIRRING) Sounds like somebody beat us down here. Yeah. And whoever it was didn't want the guards on the surface to hear any alarms. - CAPTAIN AMERICA: We've been spotted. - What makes you say that? (GROANS) Coming through, chumps! GUARD: He's over here! (SCREAMING) (GUARDS GROANING) Well, look who's here. The Avengers. And something new's been added, I see. Is red the new green? The Leader. We know of this villain. Hulk told us about him. And did Hulk also warn you that it's best to leave me alone when I'm working on one of my projects? Is that what you call this? Looks more like you're stealing that technology. Oh, I'm afraid my plans are of a nature none of you would understand. Well, here's something everyone can understand. Ah, Red Hulk. Always the impulsive one. If that means I like blowing stuff up, call me Mr. Impulsive. (LAUGHING) (LAUGHING CONTINUES) Ha! Ruined your big plan, didn't I? No, you merely changed it. And for the better, I might add. (RUMBLING) (THUNDEROUS THUDDING) Say hello to Plan B. Can we go back to Plan A? I've seen this thing before. It's called Ultimo, and Yeah, whatever. (YELLS) (GROANS) - GUARD 1: Get outta here! - GUARD 2: Gotta go! "Whatever," right? Your appearance here, Avengers, could have been a problem. But the thing about Ultimo? He has a way of making my problems go away. (GRUNTS) What's the plan? Just survive? Good plan. As usual, up to me to save the day. Come here, ya little squirt! (GRUNTING) (GROANS) I'll keep Ultimo busy. Someone check on Red Hulk. (GROANS) Careful, Red. We must work together. Together? Ain't nobody got time for that. (GROANS) (LAUGHING) Hmm. How illuminating. You know the drill. Bigger they are, the harder they (GROANS) Hold on, Red. We're coming. (GROANING) HAWKEYE: Ultimo, does this hurt? No? Then how about this? Falcon, see if you can get him to follow you that way. Hey, Ultimo, look over here for a sec! Okay, I got him to follow me. Now what? IRON MAN: I'm working on it. Hold your horses. Hawkeye, cable arrow. Nice shot. Give me that. Pretty please? Hey! Thor, light him up. Now! Basically turned him into a lightning rod, that's all. (CHUCKLES) "That's all," he says. RED HULK: Hey, we did good, didn't we? Thanks for the backup, partners. Mmm. (SNIFFING) Mmm! (GLASS SHATTERS) (ENGINE STARTS) (SNICKERS) (THUDS) (SHRIEKING GASP) (ENGINE REVVING) (WHIMPERING) (GROANS) - MAN 1: What's that? - MAN 2: Hey, what's that guy doing? Ultimo has fallen, and the Leader seems to have gone into hiding. It is time for us to find the Hulk. Why? You got a Hulk, right here. I meant the real Hulk. Aw, give it a rest, you long-haired hippie. (GROWLS) Stop it. A team like this can only be as strong as our trust in one another. - You should know that. - Mmm. - Did you hear that? - I was talking to you. Me? As long as we have to work with Marsh, we need to make the best of this new version of the team. - That's all there is to it. - Did you hear that? TONY: Guys, Friday's got something. The Leader didn't really go into hiding. He's been hitting other facilities, stealing more tech. But he just made his first mistake. He stole some rare earth metals that have an energy signature we were able to track. He's on an island off the coast. All right, Avengers, let's move. You coming? Or are you gonna stay here and paint your toenails? (GRUNTS) (BREATHES DEEPLY) (THUNDER CRACKING) HULK: Where ya headed? (GASPS) I'm, uh I'm headed down south. I'm ready for some good weather. And you? Don't know where to go. Don't know where I can go. Don't even know where I want to go. Yeah, man. I been there myself once or twice. Wouldn't be so sure of that. Listen, I heard about some jobs down at the gulf. We could hop a train, be there in a couple of days. Then things'll start looking better to you. Trust me. (SCOFFS) Trust. (THUNDER CRACKING) (GASPS AND SCREAMS) No! Wait! Wait! (GROANS) (PANTING) (GROANING) (SCREAMING) THOR: Leader's island. Looks like where the Ragnarok after-party was held. He's definitely somewhere around here. (DEVICE BEEPING) At least, the rare earth is. I could go up to 500 feet and do a vertical triangulation. Triangulation? Give me a break! You've got a better idea? Yeah. How about I flatten this place one building at a time till I find him? And let him know we're coming? Great plan. What are you so afraid of? These so-called geniuses always make one big mistake, they think the rest of us are stupid. They're not always wrong about that, Red. What's that supposed to mean? What was that? I don't know, but it took out my tracker. IRON MAN: Uh, guys, I can't move. LEADER: (ON PA) Hmm. In case you're curious, that was one of my energy waves disabling your technology. All the easier to end your lives. (LEADER LAUGHING) (RUMBLING) (ALL YELLING) (ALL YELLING) (STRAINING) (GRUNTS) We need to get the others. Yeah, you do that. But I'm gonna get the Leader, if it's the last thing I do. It just might be. Uh-oh! This is bad! (GRUNTS) LEADER: (ON PA) Looking for me? (RED HULK GROWLING) Missed me. Missed again. You'd like to wring my neck, wouldn't you? So what are you waiting for? Afraid? (GROWLS) (SCREAMING) (LEADER LAUGHING) (GROWLS) (BEEPS) Huh? (BEEPS) What in the name of Sam Hill? Gotcha. FALCON: Tech's back online. Now my tracker might be able to pick up Red Hulk's laser's energy signature. Or we could just look for the biggest pile of rubble. So much for science. THOR: Red Hulk, ditching his teammates like this. HAWKEYE: Say what you want about the green guy, but our Hulk would've never done this to us. Look out! (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) Clint! (CHUCKLES) Oh, boy! Just what we needed. I wonder how Red got past all this. LEADER: What, not charging in with guns a-blazing? Just making sure it's not another one of your stinking traps. LEADER: What happened to Mr. Impulsive? - Is he Mr. Chicken now? - Why, you! Making it easy for me, huh? LEADER: Just trying to avoid unnecessary damage. (WIND BLOWING) (TRAIN HORN BLARING IN DISTANCE) (GROWLS) (THUDS) (GRUNTS) Sweet merciful We've lost the brakes! (GROWLS) (GROANS) Collar or no collar, I got a job to do. (HORN BLARING) (GROANING) (GRUNTS) (YELLING) (GROANING) Help! Help! (GROANING) (GROANS) I can't (GRUNTING) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) Want to make a run for it? What I want is to find out what happened to Red. We'll never find out until we get out of here. Everyone who doesn't fly, grab on. Where are ya? Show yourself! (GRUNTS) You'll have to settle for a hologram. I'd rather not be there when that gamma bomb goes off. Huh? It's 10,000 times more powerful than the one that created your green colleague. A gamma bomb, huh? Figured I'd be as dumb as the other Hulk, didn't you? Well, guess what, smart guy. I know how to shut 'em down. LEADER: Want to disarm my gamma bomb? Give it your best shot. Gamma bomb? But we're in the middle of nowhere. Why would Leader set off one so far from everything? - He must be planning something else. - Yeah, but what? Okay. Let's see. Blue wire to yellow wire, and then, um Hmm? Hey, what is this? Well, if by "this," you mean where you are, I can now tell you that you're inside a particle accelerator, and when that bomb goes off, the accelerator will focus all of the energy from it on you. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Blue to yellow? Or red to green? (CONTINUES LAUGHING) (GROANS) (GRUNTING) (STRAINING) (BEEPS) Boom. (SCREAMING) I'd been intending to build a gamma bomb, my perfect weapon. But when I saw Red Hulk, I had an idea for a weapon even more perfect. That's why I made my traps easy for him to evade and hard for you. (RED HULK GROWLING) - Hey, Red? - Cap, be careful. He's not gonna recognize you. He's absorbed too much gamma radiation. (GROWLING CONTINUES) He's nothing but a weapon now. A perfect one. (ROARING) - HAWKEYE: How did the Leader do that? - IRON MAN: I don't know. THOR: One thing is certain. We need Hulk more than ever now.