Diary

(Margaret's Apartment, exterior, day. Mordecai and Rigby are walking in)

Rigby: Dude, let's water them later.

Mordecai: No! We're watering Margaret's plants now!

(continue into the inside. Mordecai & Rigby continue to walk into Margaret's room)

Rigby: Ugh! You're so whipped. (Mordecai & Rigby stop walking for a moment)

Mordecai: No I'm not.

Rigby: Yeah right! You're whipped with a capital... (raises arm and makes whip noise)

Mordecai: Just help me water the plants! (Mordecai inserts the key into the hole of Margaret's door, and then, we cut to the inside of Margaret's room as he opens the door) Whoa! (pan over to the right to show the rest of the place) This place is awesome! (walks into the apartment, and then, pulls the blinds to see a propane grill on the balcony) Aw, yeah! Grill! (to Rigby) After we start dating, I'll totally invite you over for burgers.

Rigby: Whatever! Can we just get this over with so we can leave?

Mordecai: Chill, dude! (walks over to a bookshelf. He then grabs a picture frame. In it, we see Margaret and Eileen in the desert) I can't believe Margaret asked us to water her plants while she's gone for the weekend. I think this really shows a level of trust.

Rigby: I think you're reading too much into it. All she did was ask you to water her plants.

Mordecai: (walking into kitchen) Yeah, well, I don't see anyone asking you to water their plants. (opens cabinet)

Rigby: Man, she's got a lot of plants!

(Mordecai opens another cabinet)

Rigby: I can't believe you told her you'd water all these. What a chump.

Mordecai: It's because Margaret's my friend.

Rigby: (scoffs) Yeah, your friend without benefits.

Mordecai: Hey, shut up and help me find the watering can.

(Rigby groans as we go into a montage of M&R looking for the can. First, Mordecai opens a cabinet, but then closes it when he sees no can. Next, Rigby walks past the bathroom, seeing no can. Then, Mordecai looks into the closet for the can, and then closes it. Last, Rigby tries to open the bedroom door, but finds it locked. On the door, there is a red hat)

Rigby: Agh, the bedroom door's locked! (grabs hat)

Mordecai: It wouldn't be in her bedroom! Stay out of there!

Rigby: (wearing hat) Oh, Mordecai, he's alright. (leans against fridge) Besides, it's not like we're dating or anything. I just let them come over and water my plants sometimes.

Mordecai: Hey, put that back!

Rigby: No. I wanna wear it while I water the plants.

Mordecai: Put it back!

Rigby: Make me. (Mordecai shoves Rigby in an attempt to knock the hat off of him. The fight goes on for a few seconds as Rigby yells) Get off of me! I wanna wear it while I water the plants!

(Rigby goes headfirst into a bookshelf, knocking down a diary from the bookshelf and ripping the lock)

Mordecai: Dude, what did you do?! (picks up book)

Rigby: What do you mean, what did I do?! You pushed me!

Mordecai: Dude, you broke it!

Rigby: Yeah right, you can't break books! And besides, even if it did break, just put it back and don't say anything!

Mordecai: Dude, you totally broke it! Look, this thing has a lock on it. (close up on the broken lock. Mordecai flips it back)

Rigby: What? What kind of book has a lock on it?

Mordecai: I don't know. (From Mordecai's point of view, we see the opening page. The top reads, in courier text, "THIS DIARY BELONGS TO," and, on the bottom, we see Margaret's name in underlined italics)

Mordecai: Oh no. (closes diary)

Rigby: What?

Mordecai: This is Margaret's diary! Dude, she's gonna think I was reading her diary! (leans against wall) This is bad.

Rigby: Dude, what's the big deal? It's just some lame old diary! I mean, why do people even need to keep secrets? I don't have any secrets. Do you have any secrets? I know I sure don't.

Mordecai: I don't care! If she comes home and finds this thing broken, she's gonna think I read it! We have to fix it before she gets back.

(Skips to next scene; Mordecai puts the broken lock back to place)

Mordecai: Come on, come on. (The lock falls off) Agh.

Rigby: Will you chill out? It's not gonna stick without glue. (Gets up from the couch) Agh, looks like Rigby has to bail you out again. (Goes into the kichen and looks through one of the cabinets and he finds "Supe the Glup") Aw yeah, "Supe the Glup."

Mordecai: Dude, just a drop.

Rigby: I know.

Mordecai: Just a drop!

Rigby: I know! (Squirts a lot of glue on the diary)

Mordecai: (Pushes Rigby) Dude, I said "Just a drop!"

Rigby: You were making me nervous!

Mordecai: (Takes out a tissue to wipe off the glue, but rips) Aw man! (Swipes the glue out of Rigby's hands) Let me see that glue. Ok ok. It says here we can remove the glue with heat.

Rigby: Let me handle it.

(Mordecai and Rigby head to the kitchen, and put the diary in the microwave; but Mordecai pushes Rigby)

Mordecai: Wait. (Mordecai now rethinks what the last time they put random stuff in the microwave; which was in the season 2 episode "It's Time") We're not putting anthing in the microwave. (Now it skips to the balcony, where Mordecai turns on the grill to heat up the glue, and it starts to drip)

Rigby: Dude, it's working.

Mordecai: Yeah it is. (Glue drips on the fire, and explodes, which leaves the diary on fire. Mordecai is shocked and gets a towel to put the fire out. Then Rigby comes out with lighter fluid)

Rigby: I got it. I got it.

Mordecai: Dude, that's not--!

(Rigby squirts the fluid on the diary, and now made it look worse. Mordecai and Rigby then rush to the bathroom and throws the diary in the toilet.)

Rigby: You think she'll notice?

(Skips to the park at Skips house)

Mordecai: Can you fix it?

Skips: What is this?

Mordecai: It's Margaret's diary.

Skips: Why does it look like that?

Rigby: It's a long story.

Skips: (Picks up the diary, and takes a good look at it) Sorry, this can't be fixed without traditional methods.

Mordecai: Agh. Well do you have any un-traditional ones?

Skips: Of course. There is one way, I could transfer to a new diary using a magic quil pen.

Mordecai: Thank you Skips.

Skips: In order for this to work, we have to be in the same place where the diary was broken.

Rigby: Margaret's house.

Skips: But first I want you both to know is that diaries are a serious business, cause they can contain secrets. And secrets must be protected at all cost.

Rigby: Yeah Skips we know.

Skips: Do you? (pause) Look, out of respect for Margaret's secrets, I'm gonna help you guys. But, you have to take it seriously and do exacty as I say.

Mordecai: Yeah, Skips, we promise.

Rigby: Yeah, we promise.

Skips: Well you better, because secrets are a force to be reckoned with.

(We now go back to Margaret's apartment, Skips places Margaret's diary and a different journal on the table)

Rigby: Ah, what?! That doesn't look anything like Margaret's diary.

Skips: As in written content, so too in physical appearance, will the books become identical. Alright, guys, join hands.

(Everyone joins hands except for Rigby)

Rigby: I'm not gonna hold hands!

Mordecai: C'mon, dude, just do it, he's tryin' to help us out.

Rigby: Ugh! Fine.

Skips: Okay, it's time to begin. Now, no matter what ya hear, you musn't look at Margaret's thoughts as the quill transfers the secrets. (Skips opens the box with the quill inside it, a strong wind blows through as the quill levitates. Mordecai and Rigby are stunned)

Skips: Now we must all close our eyes.

(Everyone except Rigby does)

Skips: Rigby, close your eyes.

Rigby: Fine, I'm closin' em. (He closes his eyes, since it is Rigby's POV, we have an immediate blackout)

Skips: (VO) Begin. (Ghoulish whispers begin to fill the room)

Rigby: (VO) What're they saying?

Skips: (VO) Just keep your eyes closed and ignore them.

(There is a pause, more whispers, then:)

Mordecai: (VO) HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS GONNA TAKE?!

Skips: It should be any minute, just keep your eyes closed!

(Rigby opens his eyes, Margaret's secrets, taking the appearance of ghosts, are floating aroung in a black room. It appears as if Skips and Mordecai are barely hanging on to each other)

Rigby: Cool.

(The quill and the books turn into Margaret's face, it screams at Rigby)

Rigby: AHH!

(The room morphs into Margaret's apartment, the table falls on the floor)

(Skips opens his eyes, surprised)

Skips: The transfer is incomplete. Did everyone keep their eyes shut?

Mordecai: I kept mine shut!

(They look at Rigby)

Rigby: What?!

(They keep looking)

Rigby: Alright, fine! There's a chance I might've maybe probably looked. Maybe.

Skips: RIGBY! Do you have any idea what you've done?!

(There is screaming and stomping outside)

Rigby: What is that?

Mordecai: It's coming from outside.

(They go on the patio)

Rigby: Woah! (We see a giant, flaming,? Margaret in a warrior's dress. People are running from it)

Mordecai: Margaret?!

Skips: That's not Margaret. When Rigby looked--

Rigby: I SAID MAYBE LOOKED, MAYBE!

Skips: He released the Guardian of Margaret's Secrets.

(The Guardian stomps toward? Margaret's apartment)

Skips: She will destroy us for looking at her secrets.

Rigby: What do we do?!

Skips: There's only one way to stop this. Each of us must reveal a secret of our own, or she'll destroy us.

(She keeps advancing)

Skips: Alright. I'll go first. The reason I always skip is, in all my life, my heart yearned for only one woman. And we used to skip together all the time. On the day I lost her, I vowed to skip every day for the rest of my life, so that I'd never forget the time we spent together.

(Her fire goes out for a second, then it restarts)

Skips: I-IT'S WORKIN'! NOW TELL YOUR SECRETS!

Mordecai: Uh, okay, uh, sometimes, when we're supposed to be cleaning out gutters, we go to get coffee instead!

Rigby: Yeah, yeah, good one! And a lot of times, I don't even get coffee! I just don't feel like cleaning out the gutters!

(She still advances)

Skips: No, it has to be something meaningful!

(She raises her fist, they scream as she destroys the padio)

Rigby: HOW MEANINGFUL DOES IT HAVE TO BE?!

(The apartment shakes, as Rigby screams, the Guardian reaches for the roof)

Skips: IF YOU DON'T TELL A REAL SECRET, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

Mordecai: ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT! I LIKE TO SING ALONG TO REALLY BAD POP MUSIC!

(She rips off part of the roof)

Rigby: I ATE A DOUGHNUT OUTTA THE TRASH!

(The Guardian, who is holding a street lamp, is unnafected)

Mordecai: I LIKE GOING COMMANDO! A LOT!

Rigby: I ACUALLY LIKE THE TASTE OF DOUGHNUTS BETTER WHEN THEY'RE FROM THE TRASH!

(She throws the lamp, which hits the right-hand-side couch, Mordecai dives to the left one)

Mordecai: RIGBY! REMEMBER WHEN WE ORDERED BEDS FOR OUR ROOM AND YOUR'S NEVER SHOWED UP?! I LIED! I STACKED THEM UP AND I'VE BEEN SLEEPING ON THEM THE WHOLE TIME! I'M SORRY, DUDE, IT'S JUST TOO COMFORTABLE!

Rigby: Are you serious?

(Her flames go out and restart, she walks away and gets a bus)

Mordecai: RIGBY! SAY SOMETHING!

Rigby: AHH! WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I STOLE MY NEIGHBOR'S BIKE AND THREW IT OFF THE ROOF!

(She's about to throw the bus)

Skips: IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING DEEP!

Rigby: SOMETIMES I HIDE POPS' SHOES CAUSE I THINK IT'S FUNNY WHEN HE'S LOOKING FOR THEM! I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON! I HATE TAKING SHOWERS AND I HATE KITTENS! I LIED ABOUT BEING ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM! I THINK EILEEN IS HOT WITHOUT HER GLASSES ON!

(She disappears and the damage is repaired)

Skips: Let's finish this!

(Margaret's secrets go in as the book turns into Margaret's diary)

Mordecai: Woah, it looks exactly like Margaret's! Skips, how can we repay you?

Skips: You remember that stuff I said about why I skip?

Mordecai: Yeah.

Skips: No ya don't.

(Skips walks out as Mordecai puts her diary back)

Rigby: I knew it was my matress.

Mordecai: So, Eileen, huh?

Rigby: STOP TALKING!

(Clock transition to the coffee shop)

Mordecai: I can't believe we got the diary back together.

Rigby: Yeah, what a pain. I never wanna water Margaret's plants ever again.

Mordecai: Wait, did we actually ever water her plants?

Rigby: Here she comes!

Mordecai: Ha, ha! Oh, hey Margaret! How was your trip?

Margaret: It was nice, but i can only take my parents for so long, you know?

Rigby: Tell me about it, 'rents are the worst.

Mordecai: Well, you don't have to worry about your plants, or if the roof is still on your apartment, or whatever. Because it's fine is what I meant. (nervous chuckle)

Margaret: Oh. You guys didn't go and water them, did you?

Mordecai: Yeah, why?

Margaret: I forgot that I already asked Eileen to do it.

Mordecai: Really?

Margaret: Yeah, she had the spare bedroom all weekend. Sorry you guys went through all that trouble.

Mordecai: I guess we just missed each other, so don't worry about it.

Rigby: Yeah, it's cool.

Eileen: Hey, guys, here's your coffee.

(Eileen comes up without her glasses and crashes into the table, the episode ends)