Jingle Hell

[In the opening teaser, D.J. blows a bubble with her bubble gum. Michelle pops the bubble...]

Michelle: Funny.

D.J.: [about Michelle popping her bubble gum] Not funny.

Michelle: [after feeling her hand] Yuck.

[D.J. enters the bedroom wearing her karate uniform and finds Stephanie and Harry acting like they're dying – on her bed.]

D.J.: Freeze, nerd-bombers! [She forces them off with her hand movements, as she says...] Up, up, up, up! [She then points to each of them.] You better keep away from my stuff. I just got back from karate class, and I'm pumped [makes a few punches along with the traditional shouts].

Stephanie: You're just jealous because I have a boyfriend and you don't.

D.J.: You're dreaming. You don't have a boyfriend.

Stephanie: It so happens I do.

D.J.: Who?

Stephanie: [points to Harry] Him.

Harry: [pointing to himself] Me?

Stephanie: You're a boy. You're my friend. That makes you my boyfriend.

Stephanie: Daddy! Look what D.J. did [as she comes down the stairs dragging her shoes that are all tied together].

D.J.: [following her] I did it for your own good.

Stephanie: Boy, are you gonna get it. [She turns to Danny.] OK, daddy. Ready? On your mark, get set, punish [points to D.J.].

D.J.: Dad, she's always messing with my stuff. I had to teach her a lesson.

Danny: I'll take it from here, OK? Stephanie, honey, you know that we need to treat each other's property with respect. And D.J., in this family, we do not tie together each other's shoes... unless there's some kind of weird emergency.

D.J.: OK.

Stephanie: Sure.

[They start to walk away.]

Danny: Red light [they stop]. What's our rule after we fight?

D.J. & Stephanie: Never walk away angry.

Danny: Very good. Now, go ahead and apologize.

D.J. & Stephanie: [not looking at each other] Sorry.

Danny: Now, D.J., help Stephanie untie her shoes.

[Repeated lines throughout D.J. and Stephanie's and Jesse and Joey's fights:]

D.J.: No, I don't [...have to help untie Stephanie's shoes].

Stephanie: Yes, you do.

Joey: No, I didn't [...wear a cat suit]!

Jesse: Yes, you did!

[In the kitchen...]

Joey: Why do I get all the blame for this, huh? They said, 'Thank you, but we're going another way.'

Jesse: Which is advertising lingo for: 'Put your puppet where the sun don't shine.'

Joey: I took a risk. I dared to be silly.

Jesse: Why didn't you tell me before you dared to be silly?! Man, you promised me.

Joey: I kept my promise. I did not wear a catsuit.

Jesse: You wore a catsuit on your hand! And you stabbed me in the back with it.

Joey: Jess, this is not that big a deal. You're not really mad at me. There's something else bothering you. So, what is your problem really?

Jesse: My problem is I'm living in the same house with you.

Joey: And what's that supposed to mean?

Jesse: Maybe we don't need three fathers. Haven't you ever seen ? Two is all you need.

Joey: All right. Fine with me.

Jesse: Fine with me!

Joey: Fine.

Jesse: Fine.

Joey: Fine.

[They head to each of their rooms, but have trouble opening the toddler gates to the stairways... then they step over them.]