Avaturd / CSiCarly

Colonel Miles Quaritch: Welcome to Pandora. This is a Na'vi avatar. They are fierce and they are savage. Just don't tap on the glass, cause it freaks 'em out. [Cat Yowls] Now, the guy who was scheduled to take this avatar died from a cat allergy.

Tom Smelly: Ah-- [Splat]

Miles Quartich: So instead we're going with his brother, Jake Smelly.

Dr. Grace Augustine: Is that the best the military can do?

Miles Quartich: Well, we were gonna send the A-Team, but they wouldn't fit in the pod.

{A-Team Grunting}

B.A. Baracus: Oh, I pity the pod.

Dr. Grace: Uhh, better send Smelly.

Miles Quartich: Man your pod, Smelly, and good luck.

[The title card comes up with Jake Smelly na'vi's eyes "Avaturd"]

Jake Smelly [With Australian accent]: Wow, I look just like the Na'vi. Dr. Grace how did you duplicate them so perfect--

Dr. Grace [as an M&M]: What? It took a few tries to get it right, ok? Luckily everything on this planet is- {Gasps} [pointing at creature] Blue! Run Jake!

Blue: [Roars]

Dr. Grace: [Farts] Uhh. I think I just crapped in my shell.

[Blue chases Jake Smelly's Avatar]

Neytiri: [punches Blue with a stick, Grunting]

Blue: [Squealing]

Jake Smelly: Obviously, you're more of a cat person.

[Neytiri jumps down]

Neytiri: I am Neytiri of the Na'vi. We are a peaceful clan who are at one with nature.

Jake Smelly: Clearly.

[Scene goes to Blue who is badly damaged and insects buzzing over her]

Neytiri: These are my people. We live under the tree of souls with our clan leader, our spiritual leader...

Grover: Ahh!

Neytiri: ...and our music leader.

[Keyboard Cat plays a song]

[Jake Smelly goes down]

Neytiri: Everyone's a critic.

[Scene goes back to Pandora]

Jake Smelly: Why did you bring me back?

Parker Selfridge: To remind you, your mission is help us obtain this precious mineral known as Stupidnamium.

Jake Smelly: Stupidnamium? What moron came up with that?

[Scenes goes to Alfred picking Stupidnamium out of the 3 words.]

[Scene changes with a cat saying meow]

Neytiri: In order to fly, you must join with the banshee that chooses you.

Jake Smelly: How will I know which one chooses me?

Neytiri: It will try and kill you.

[gunshot]

["Terminator" - like music plays]

[Boing]

Banshee: [Yelps]

Jake Smelly: I got him when he wasn't looking.

Neytiri: That's not exactly what I meant, but the job is done.

[Scene changes with a cat saying meow]

Neytiri: Your initiation is finished.

Jake Smelly: Is that ceremonial paint?

Neytiri: No. It's banshee poo. It's all over the place, and we don't know what to do with it.

[Banshee poops on Neytiri's face]

Jake Smelly: I- I must confess something Neytiri. This body is just my avatar.

Neytiri: Where is your real body?

Jake Smelly: Safely protected in the transpod.

[Scene goes to Parker writing stuff on Jake's face, such as "OWNED"]

Jake Smelly: Everyone, listen. I know I've been here for 3 months and probably should have mentioned this earlier, but the sky people want to destroy your- [laser shoots structure] tree. Guess I should have put that on top of the list.

[Scene goes to Jake Smelly's To Do list. Also Na'vi are grumbling]

Miles Quartich: Step aside, Smelly. You had your chance.

Jake Smelly: Is that your latest military robot, Quartich?

Miles Quartich: No. It's the Bluetendo actually. Got it for my birthday.

[Scene goes to the Bluetendo whirring and then punches Jake]

Jake Smelly: Uhh!

[Jake crashes to his human body]

Human Jake: [Moans and hugs Na'vi Jake Smelly]

Miles Quartich: Hello, Kitty.

Neytiri: [Hisses]

Miles Quartich: You can hiss all you want, but I'm protected inside this robotic suit.

Neytiri: What?

Miles Quartich: [Opens door] I said-

[Arrow hits Quartich]

Miles Quartich: Oh. I see what happened.

[Bluetendo crashes on Jake]

Neytiri: Jake!

[Neytiri hugs human Jake]

Human Jake: ICU.

Neytiri: I see you.

Human Jake: No. Get me to the ICU.

Neytiri: Oh. Uh, of course.

[sirens approaching]

[Scene goes to the Na'vi praying Jake Smelly]

Papa Smurf: You saved us, Jake Smelly, and as a thank you we will make you our king.

[Rafiki holds up Jake Smelly, light shines on him]

[Scene ends with Keyboard Cat playing a song]

[Scene begins with the CSI group at a restraunt wirth electric guitar playing]

Horatio Caine: Lieutenant Horatio Caine, CSI.

Joe Williams: Manager Joe Williams, TGIX. We found a dead body at table 6.

[Scene goes to dead man, with a guitar chord playing]

Horatio Caine: All right, we're gonna need this place emptied out.

Restaurant Worker: Hey everyone, we're gonna sing the birthday song.

[People yelling]

Restaurant Worker: Works every time.

Calleigh Duquesne: Headquarters is sending over another team to help. Something about injecting new blood into a tired old fossil.

Carly and Sam: We're here!

Horatio Caine: Who are you?

Carly: I'm Carly.

Sam: And I'm Sam.

Freddie: We're shooting a webseries!

Horatio Caine: Shooting it? [Puts on glasses] I'd say it's dead.

[Title card: CSiCarly]

Freddie: (screams)

Sam: What's your problem, Freddie?

Freddie: He's standing on my foot!

Horatio Caine: Sorry about that.

Calleigh Duquesne: Let's get this guy in a body bag.

Carly: Why put him in a body bag when we can put him in a...

Carly and Sam: Noodle Net!

Calleigh Duquesne: That's Disgusting.

Carly: He's gonna be surrounded be worms soon anyway.

Walter Simmons: [Slurping] Mmm Tasty.

Calleigh Duquesne: How 'bout you guys start looking for fingerprints.

Sam: I found 10.

Calleigh Duquesne: You know, if you stopped goofin' around, maybe you learn something. The victim is an old man who--

Sam: What are you doing?

Calleigh Duquesne: Taping myself.

Sam: Maybe I can help.

Calleigh Duquesne: See, now that's the attitude.

[Sam tapes Calleigh with police line]

Calleigh Duquesne: [Muffled Yells]

Horatio Caine: Everyone, Please. Maybe it's best if we split up.

Carly: Great, We'll take the upper right part of the screen.

[Scene divides to each group finding clues. also electric guitar plays during this]

Carly and Sam: We figured it out!

[timer dings]

Horatio Caine: Was it the fish?

Sam: Nope

Carly: He was 95 years old.

[Scene shows the dead man's license. also horse neighs]

Sam: Happy birthday, dead guy.

[Scene shows balloons falling down while Carly plays a noisemaker]

Calleigh Duquesne: So we can go home?

Walter Simmons: Not before we have dessert with our new partners.

[Carly and Sam grunt]

Horatio Caine: In that case, have the cobbler.

[Long silence]

Horatio Caine: [Puts on glasses] It's to die for.

[Title card: CSiCarly (Again)]

Freddie: (screams again)

Horatio Caine: Sorry, I have big feet.

[Scene ends and goes to 5-Second Cartoon #1 or the Credits]