The Cabbage Patch

Cut from static

 

Farmer is in the garden



Farmer: What the… where the hell did all these half baby, half cabbages come from? (sees Carl lying in wheelbarrow with a porno magazine and pants pulled down, walks over) Oh, dammit, Carl!



Farmers Wife: That boy Carl jerk off in the cabbages again?



Farmer: He sure did.



Farmers Wife: You got to fire that boy!



Farmer: I’m about to right now. Carl you are fired, sir!



''Farmers wife enters looking like she’s seen better days. She is holding a drink in one hand.''



<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmers Wife: Carl, you are fired and disgusting!

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmer: I got this honey. Carl, you get the…

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmers Wife: You can’t jerk off on someone’s produce.

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmer: I… I told him that, honey. You’re not allowed to be here, Carl.

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmers Wife: You’re (bleep) with our lively hood.

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmer: I tried to help you, son, because you’re homeless and drug addled, but you cannot be masturbating on our produce, son. (grabs the porno magazine and starts looking through it)

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmers Wife: Stop frosting our cabbages with your man batter. (leans onto the wheelbarrow handle) Carl, that is not the way you make a baby by (bleep) on our cabbages.

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmer: I… I got it honey… I… I got it honey.

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmers Wife: We can’t sell it if it’s covered in your semen.

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmer: He knows. I’ve already told him. (throws the magazine down) Carl, get out of here.

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmers Wife: (scratches an itch on her crotch then slaps Carl upside the head) You’re (bleep) disgusting.

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmer: You are fired! Fired! Fired! Fired!

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmers Wife: (turns back on Carl) I do not think we’re gonna be able to recommend you for another job unless that job implies that you are supposed to (turns around to face Carl again, steps in something) have semen on the produce.

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmer: I’m not gonna recommend you. If anyone calls me, I’m gonna tell them you are a chronic masturbator.

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Farmers Wife: (bleep), there’s semen everywhere.

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<p class="MsoNoSpacing">Cut to static