The Euclid Alternative


 * (Sheldon is trying to get to go to work, but Leonard can't drive him and he has to find a alternative.)
 * Sheldon: How am I going to get to work?
 * Leonard: Take the bus.
 * Sheldon: Oh, I can't take the bus anymore. They don't have seat belts, and they won't let you lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords.
 * Leonard: You tried to lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords?
 * Sheldon: I didn't try, I succeeded.


 * Leonard: Look, I need to get to the laser lab. You're just going to have to find someone else to take you home.
 * (Sheldon eyes Howard)
 * Howard: (upset) Oh, damn. I picked the wrong side.
 * (Scene: outside, Howard is taking Sheldon home on his moped.)
 * Sheldon: Aaaahhhh!! Oh, God! Not Euclid Avenue! Aaaaahhh!!


 * DMV clerk: See that sign?
 * Sheldon: Yes.
 * DMV clerk: Does it say "I give a damn"?
 * Sheldon: No.
 * DMV clerk: That's 'cause I don't. Next!


 * Sheldon: Oh, good. I’m not keeping you from anything. Your check engine light is on.
 * Penny: Mm-hmm.
 * Sheldon: Typically that’s an indicator. To, you know, check your engine.
 * Penny: It’s fine, it’s been on for, like, a month.
 * Sheldon: Well, actually, that would be all the more reason to, you know, check your engine.
 * Penny: Sheldon, its fine.
 * Sheldon: If it were fine, the light wouldn't be on. That’s why the manufacturer installed that light, to let you know it’s not fine.
 * Penny: Uh, maybe the light’s broken.
 * Sheldon: Is there a “check the 'check engine light' light”? (Penny takes a drink of coffee) O-o-o-oh!


 * Sheldon: Well, no, no, I’m not going to go so far as to say that I represent a distinct new stage in humankind, you know, a Homo novus, if you will, no, that’s for anthropologists to decide. But I am convinced that the reason I cannot master the plebeian task of driving is because I’m not meant to.


 * Sheldon: (After being spotted in the cafeteria at night.) You saw nothing.