Know Your Fusion

[Episode starts on Steven and Amethyst in the beach house]

Steven: And then we go into the tricks.

Amethyst: Alright. But I really think we should save the Dog Walker for next time.

Steven: This is our first impression. We gotta go big. A-and we should go soon, too, before they get suspicious.

Pearl: Those two are acting very suspicious. Should we ask them what's going on?

Garnet: I can't.

Pearl: Riiight... Steven, Amethyst! Is there something you'd like to tell us?

Steven: So you guys know how we recently got an epic show down in the Beta Kindergarten.

Amethyst: And you know during it, we beat Jasper.

Steven and Amethyst: But do you know, who beat Jasper?

Pearl: You two?

Garnet: Peridot.

Amethyst: It didn't land.

Steven: Pick it back up, pick it back up!

Amethyst: Ahem. We've got someone we'd like you to meet!

Pearl: Alright, let's meet this mysterious stranger.

(Steven and Amethyst fuse.)

Smoky Quartz: Heya, I am Smoky Quartz! Nice to meet ya.

Pearl: AAAAAWOAHHH WHAAAAT?

Smoky Quartz: Don't bother putting your socks back on, 'cus I am 'bouta knock them off again.

Garnet: (Begins laughing with joy.)

Smoky Quartz: Now you guys can see exactly how I beat Jasper. This is a little trick I like to call "Walk the dog!"

(Smoky Quartz rolls the yo-yo across the floor smashing it into the wall.)

Pearl: Wait! Explain EVERYTHING!

(Garnet picks up Pearl and shakes her while shouting happily)

Smoky Quartz: (Summons a second yo-yo) This one's called "Jog the Dog"!

(The second yo-yo smashes through the dishes on the kitchen counter and shatter Steven's television.)

Pearl: Oh no!

Smoky Quartz: Whoops! (Summons third yo-yo) Uh, this one's called "Dog-Walking Is Just My Day Job 'til I Finally Get That Callback!"

Pearl: Garnet...? A little help?

(Pearl and Garnet fuse into Sardonyx and catch Smoky Quartz's yo-yos.)

Sardonyx: Mnh-mnh-mnh! (Shakes her head.)

Smoky Quartz: (Gasps) Sardonyx!

Sardonyx: You know the rule about weapons in the house! Mostly allowed, really, but with some exceptions. Oh what a pleasure it is to meet you! You've made quite the impression already. In fact, there's one on the wall over there, and there and...

(Sardondyx twists her body around to point out all the holes Smoky Quartz made)

Smoky Quartz: Uh... Sorry, looks like I got a bit carried away. I'll try to "reel it in" next time.

Sardonyx: Oh-ho-ho-ho-hooo! Stop! But really, please stop. Your act is tremendous, but your stage is too small. We need some space to get to know each other better. Somewhere a bit more infinite.

(The temple door turns into a set of curtains and opens)

Smoky Quartz: Whoah. You have a room in the temple?

Sardonyx: It exists as long as I exist. And here.. I am!

(Sardonyx crouches and squeezes her way through the curtains, using her lower set of hands to push herself all the way in.)

Sardonyx: (Reaches out a hand and beckons Smoky Quartz inside.) Come now, don't be shy!

Smoky Quartz: Bwooop! (Slides between the curtains.)

(The two enter a pitch black chamber. Only their eyes are visible)

Smoky Quartz: I can't see nothin' in here.

Sardonyx: You "cannot see anything", darling. Because the show hasn't started yet!

Smoky Quartz: "Show"?

Sardonyx: Live, from a metaphysical room deep in the temple, it's "Sardonyx Tonight!"

(A neon sign with the "Sardonyx Tonight" logo hangs above a talk-show styled room, consisting of a large desk and a comfortable sofa chair which Smoky Quartz is sitting in.)

Sardonyx: Goooood Evening, everybody!

(Room fills with cheers from the audience.)

Sardonyx: We have a brand-new fusion with us tonight! I'm so excited, I could just shatter! (Sardonyx throws microphone off stage; a crash and a cat's yowl is heard. Sardonyx walks over to the desk and crouches behind it.) Everyone welcome Smoky Quartz!

(Studio audience claps and cheers, Smoky Quartz waves with slight embarrassment.)

Sardonyx: So tell me literally everything there is to know about yourself, and do not skip out on any of the juicy details.

(Audience cheers.)

Smoky Quartz: Well... heh... I like, uh, long walks through the Kindergarten...

(Audience laughs.)

Smoky Quartz: Uh, actually that sort of where I became me, and, uh, pow! Beat Jasper.

Sardonyx: Oh, that Jasper! Always running 'round Kindergartens and causing trouble! Boy, that didn't quite work out for her. Guess she should go back to Preschool, am I right, folks?

(Audience laughs.)

Smoky Quartz: Yeah. She lost her mind in a corrupted fusion. I guess you could say she has a... short fuse?

(Sardonyx and audience laugh.)

Smoky Quartz: Heh. Easy crowd, huh? Where'd you get 'em?

Sardonyx: I made them myself. But Smoky, I think what we really want to know is who are you? Who is... Smoky Quartz?

Smoky Quartz: Eh. Well, between the fight an' now, I've really only existed for about ten minutes, so I... I dunno, but I do know how to do this! (Summons a yo-yo). This one's called "That Baby in a Diaper..."

(Audience applauds.)

Sardonyx: Yes, the yo-yo - seen it, lived it, loved it - but what about the rest of your game?

Smoky Quartz: I ain't exactly a deck of cards here.

(Audience laughs.)

Smoky Quartz: Oh! I can lick my elbow. I have three of them now! (Sticks her tongue out and tries to lick an elbow)

Sardonyx: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors! (snaps fingers and the overhead light goes out)

Smoky Quartz: Huh?

Sardonyx: Listen Smoky, let's talk: fusion-to-fusion. (Pulls out a makeup duster) That's a nice yo-yo, but I want to know the yo-you.

Smokey Quartz: What? (Laughs as Sardonyx brushes their cheek with the duster.)

Sardonyx: Smoky. There's bound to be way more to you than... a yo-yo. (tosses makeup duster aside with a loud crash of broken glass. Sardonyx reaches behind her back.) You're a fusion, you're full of surprises! (Sardonyx pulls her hands out from behind her back, each hand has a pencil in it.) You just don't know it yet.

Smoky Quartz: Yeah. Yeah I guess that is how surprises work!

(Sardonyx taps the pencils on the desk in thought. Suddenly her eyes open.)

Sardonyx: I've got it! (Both sets of arms twirl, sending the pencils flying. A "Wilhelm Scream" scream is heard) Every fusion gets something new: a new power, a new weapon...

Smoky Quartz: Like a yo-yo?

Sardonyx: Yes...but better. Let's find out what's new about you! (snaps her finger and the spot light comes back on and the audience cheers) And welcome back! Don't those cartoon character make you want to buy those products? I sure hope so, or I'd be off air!

(Sardonyx and audience laughs)

Sardonyx: We have a new segment for you all tonight. That's right, everyone; it's time to Hit. That. Bird!

(A large mountain-shaped prop appears with spring-loaded bird targets on it)

Sardonyx: During Opal's adventure at the Sky Spire, she took down a flock of bird monsters with her bow.(As Sardonyx is making her presentation, a video appears of the event in question, captioned with "Footage Courtesy of Cartoon Network")

Sardonyx: Let's see of you've got her 'Opal'escent aim. Whaddya say, Smoky? Are you ready to "Hit That Bird"?

(Sardonx hands Smoky Quartz a bow and a quiver with four arrows)

Smoky Quartz: Oh! Oh wow. A bow is kinda like a yo-yo, right? Except the sting went this-a-ways and hmm...

(Sardonyx pulls out an alarm clock)

Sardonyx: Let's start, shall we? Time is an impatient thing!

(Smoky Quartz aims and shoots, missing every shot; the alarm clock goes off)

Sardonyx: Uh-oh! Time's up! Let's see: the score tallies to...(does a quick calculation in her head and sighs sadly) zero.

(Audience "awwws")

Smoky Quartz: Guess I'm a real..."bow-zo"?

(Audience laughs)

Sardonyx: Whaddya say we move on to the next segment, everybody? (She leads Smoky Quartz to a fairground 'hammer' strength tester, there are pictures - from lowest to highest - of Pearl, Stevonnie. Garnet, Opal and Sugilite at the top) Here we are! I call this segment (Sugilite's voice): "You Like That, Little Man?" 'cause everyone likes a callback.

(Audience laughs)

Sardonyx: (Quietly talking to someone "off-stage") She's not actually in this episode, do we still have to pay her? Yes? Fair enough. (Louder) Now it's no secret that other fine fusions pack an extra punch, but Sugilite is a standout for being a heavy-hitting powerhouse! But maybe you've got something to top Sugilite's swing?

Smoky Quartz: ...mmmaybe?

(Sardonyx spins a mallet though the air and hands it to Smoky Quartz)

Sardonyx: Just hit the base with this mallet, and we'll see how you measure up.

Smoky Quartz: Okay! (slams mallet an base, reaches Pearl's picture)

Sugilite's voice: Is that all you got?

Sardonyx: Ooh, very close. An extra spin around (rotates her arms around her body) always helps me!

(Audience and Sardonyx laugh)

Smoky Quartz: An extra spin, huh? Okay...

(Smoky Quartz spins in a circle and brings the mallet down harder, reaching just below Garnet on the score bar)

Sugilite's voice: Ha ha! Nice try!

Smoky Quartz: What? One more time. (slams mallet one final time, reaching Garnet's picture)

Sugilites voice: You. Ain't. Nothing!

Sardonyx: Hmm..Yes, something just isn't hitting right, here. Maybe you're just strong (singing) in a different way. We'll find out in just moment. Play us over to stage right, Jorge.

Smoky Quartz: Uuhh...

Sardonyx: Okay, don't worry about that crowd. Don't worry about Jorge. It's just you and me.

Smoky Quartz: Heh. No duh. Actually, who's Jorge?

Sardonyx: Smoky, you're holding out on me. I'm ready to see your main event!

Smoky Quartz: Eh. You an' me both.

(Sardonyx leads Smoky Quartz to bulls-eye handing from a rope)

Sardonyx : Now, Alexandrite has a throat full of flames. Whether that's the cause of her raspy voice is up for debate. (as she speaks, a short video of Alexandrite fighting Malachite is shown) But there's no room for questions when she attacks, exhaling a burning blaze. So I call this segment..."Breath of Fire"!

Smoky Quartz: Uh, Sardonyx...I just don't know...

Sardonyx: C'mon Smoky. Step up and see if you can spit some elemental chaos at the target!

(Smoky Quartz  takes a few deep breaths, leans forward and lets out a small burp. The bulls-eye waves slightly. A member of the audience coughs. Smoky Quartz lets out an embarrassed laugh)

Sardonyx: Ha ha, we appear to be experiencing some magical difficulties, but don't change the channel! There must be some common thread between Steven and Amethyst that's heightened by their fusion...

Smoky Quartz: I dunno, Sards, I guess zero plus zero equals zero.

(Audience laughs)

Sardonyx: Something they both think, something they both do.

Smoky Quartz: They say two wrongs don't make a right. I guess I'm living proof that's true!

(Audience continues laughing)

Smoky Quartz: I'm just one big, super-wrong, good-for-nothing dud with a yo-yo!

(Sardonyx gets an embarrassed look on her face)

Sardonyx :(to herself) They want to impress us...they were planning this all morning; we hijacked their show! I was excited! (yelling) IT'S NOT ABOUT US!

(The studio  goes completely black. Suddenly the room lights up as Sardonyx separates back into Garnet and Pearl. The stage immediately begins falling apart.)

Smoky Quartz: What's happening?!

Garnet: It's Sardonyx, if she's not here, the room can't exist!

Pearl: Garnet!

Garnet: Pearl!

(The "Sardonyx  Tonight" sign collapses between them, blowing a huge hole in the floor. Pearl and Garnet are trapped on ledges. Smoky Quartz rushes towards Pearl and grabs her while creating a yo-yo. She throws it the curtain-portal and uses the rope as a grappling hook, grabbing Garnet by the arm as they swing past. The three of them pass through and go flying out of the temple door and smash into the back wall, causing Steven and Amethyst to separate. The three get up with groans of pain)

Steven: Sorry for the rough landing.

Amethyst: Ugggh...

Pearl: What are you talking about?!

Garnet: That was amazing!

(Steven laughs)

Pearl: (wraps Amethyst in a huge hug) Oh Amethyst! You've been such a good influence on him!

Amethyst: It's kinda the other way around.

Garnet: You didn't tell us that yo-yo can grapple.

Steven: It can do so much stuff!

Pearl: Wait; so do you use it like a lasso or a flail?

Amethyst: It's better than a flail!

Steven: It's a toy!

Pearl: It's so unexpected.

Garnet: Give us the play-by-play.

Amethyst: So...there we were...

(Star iris closes on the beach house's door)

[Episode End]