Permanent Record

1 "Permanent Record" [OPENING THEME PLAYING] [ENGINE REVVING] [DRAMATIC MUSIC] [SIRENS WAILING] [ALARM BELL RINGING] [ALL GASP] [WHISTLING] Good morning, everyone. What's up with the mustache? [GASPS] It's Mustache Monday, girl! BOTH: Mustache Monday! Everyone get your mustaches on. [FEMALE VOICE READING] [MUSIC] ALL: Ooh Oh, wow! I wish I could grow mines like that. - Nice. - Stop that! It is not Mustache Monday! That sweet chevron says otherwise. [FEMALE VOICE READING] Enough! This mustache is not about style. It's about authority. For today, I am your teacher, and you are my students. ALL: Whoa! [ALL EXCLAIMING] [MUSIC] - Oh, man! School? - You don't wanna do this. Yeah, we specifically avoid going to school. - It is the boring. - Tough! You are all in dire need of the critical life skills that can only be learned in a classroom environment. We don't have to stay here. Let's go. Fine, leave. I'll just have to give you all check marks. [ALL GASP] - A check mark! - You would not! Yes, I would. [CLICKING] In fact, every time you misbehave, you will earn a check mark next to your name. And those check marks will go on your permanent record. [ALARM BEEPING] Yo, my cousin got four check marks on his permanent record, - and now he lives in a dumpster. - [GASPS] The dumpster? I don't want to live in a dumpster. We'd better stay. Can't believe he pulled out a check mark. - Give me a check mark - I had no choice. As you can see, teaching is the hardest job in the entire world. Surely it is not harder than the professional shark fighter. [GRUNTS] Yeah. Teaching's just standing up and wearing sweaters. That ain't hard. Oh, if you think teaching is so easy, - I'd like to see you get up and try. - All right, bro. I's about to get my teach on! [MUSIC] I didn't mean that literally. Now sit down before I give you a check mark. Uh-uh-uh. I'm the teacher now. So I gots the chalk, and you gets the checks. No, no, no, no! Okay, I-I-I'll do whatever you say. Then sit down, sir. [GRUNTS] 'Cause y'all's about to get schooled! [READING] What up, my students? I'm Mr. B. Welcome to Sciences Class. Science? [SCOFFS] Wha You are going to teach us science? You can't even tie your shoes. That's right. 'Cause Mr. B don't got laces. [GASPS] Now stop disrupting my class, or you gets a check mark! [MUTTERING] I don't believe this That's better. Now, what do you kiddy-kids want to learn about sciences today? - Why are buildings so tall? - How many pancakes can I eat? Ooh, why is the sky blue? Good one, Star. That's today's lesson. Oh, come on! Everybody knows the sky is blue because the sun reflects the blue ocean. [HORN BLARING] - Nah, son. Nah. - Then why don't you tell us? I'm not gonna tell you. I'm gonna show you. [MUSIC] Everybody in the Magical Learnin' Van, y'all. [ALL LAUGHING] [SCOFFS] A magic van? There's no magic in science! Hey, settle down! You want a check mark? No. Then get your butt in the Magic Van! [GRUNTS] [BEEPING] [GLASS SHATTERING] [ALL YELLING] Ooh! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right, check it. Science time! So, yo, the sun's over there and it's blowing sunlight all over the place, right? Now, that sunlight is all the colors of the rainbow. So, in a rainbow you got blue, right? So them blues get up in here, up high around the Earth ball, okay? And then they all gets friendly with the gases. And all the gases are like, "What up! What up! What up!" And then the light that is blue, they're all like, "What up, dude? "How you been?" And that's how you know, that's how the sky is blue now. - Everything you just said is nonsense. - No. I get it. The gas particles high up in the atmosphere reflect the blue light. - Which gives the sky its blue color. - That's what's up! Yo, Mr. B. How come the sky is orange or red sometimes? Bro, it's like this. Up in that rainbow, you gots red and orange, right? Well, when the sun goes down, the blues are all like, "Later," 'cause they ain't gonna be up high no more, right? So, then the oranges and the reds get all low, low, low, and other stuff up in there and all around up in there, and they're all like, "Yes, yes, yes, my dude! Yes!" Oh, so the particles lower in the atmosphere reflect the red and orange light Because they travel further as the earthly sun is setting. [GROANING] He is speaking gibberish. Stop interrupting my class. That's a check mark! [BUZZER SOUNDING] Mmm-mm-mm. You need to get your act together, young man. That's on ya permanent record, son. ALL: Oh! It's not "ya" permanent record. It's "your" permanent record. The teacher's not supposed to need grammar lessons. Oh, the grammar. I very much indeed would enjoy the teaching of the grammars. Well, you're up then, girl. You gots the chalk. Welcome all to the [MUSIC] [READING] [SCOFFS, CLEARS THROAT] Star, no offense, but you are not qualified to teach grammar. Robin, please refrain from the interruptions. I do not wish to give you the mark of the checks. But if I must, I will. Okay, okay, okay. Calm down. Class, today we will learn the use of the word "the. " Now, can anyone tell where the sentence is missing the word "the"? [GROANS] You don't need "the" in that sentence. - Oh, oh, oh! - Yes, Raven. [READING] Good start. But the sentence is still lacking the "the's. " [READING] Oh, you are missing a few more of the "the's. " Hmm. Oh, I gots it. [READING] Oh, yes. The full of the wonders that you have correctly worded the sentence. [GROANING] It isn't correct! The point of grammar is to communicate clearly. Who can understand anyone talking like this? The Robin the can the not the under the stand the us the. The but the we are the speaking the clearly the. The some the people the cling the to the their the own the ignorance the. The so the sad the. This is a force of force! Uh-uh. It is "the" force, Robin. You have done the disrupting of the class. And I must do the giving of the mark of the checks. The no! The no! [BUZZER SOUNDING] It's okay, dude. Grammar's not your strong suit. But I think you'll have a better "reaction and bond" with the lesson I'm about to teach. - Please don't teach chemistry. - Too late! Welcome to chemistry. I'm your teacher, Mr. Cyborg. But y'all can call me Dr. Love. I will not call you "Dr. Love. " - Dr. Love about to put a check mark on there. - Fine! "Dr. Love," this is not chemistry. [MUSIC] It's all the same, my love. When you just wanna dance but you're way too shy And a cutie steps to ya, and she says, "Hi" Oh, hi. [BUZZING] When a fly guy and a fly girl in the hallway meet Oh, don't you know that he gets sweaty palms and she gets itchy feet? CHORUS: [SINGING] # 'Cause they got chemistry # When your heart starts to flutter and you can hardly breathe CHORUS: # It's chemistry # When you melt like butter and you start to sneeze CHORUS: # You got chemistry # You see chemistry is a gift from the heart Like a great big hug or when you're holding in a fart When you get that special feeling for a boy or a girl And you really wanna share it with the whole wide world CHORUS: # It's chemistry # When your heart starts to flutter and you just can't breathe CHORUS: # It's chemistry # When you melt like butter and you start to sneeze CHORUS: # You got chemistry # To recap. You know you got chemistry, when? - You get sweaty palms. - You get itchy feet. - The heart pitter-pats. - Very good, my loves. This is not chemistry! This is just a smooth R&B single! Mmm-mmm-mmm. That's a check mark. [BUZZER SOUNDING] [GROANS, HYPERVENTILATING] I'm really stressing out. I can't take this. It's cool. I'll teach the last class of the day. Okay, I'm Ms. Raven, and I'm your substitute teacher. So, just do whatever. I don't care. [CHEERING] [CYBORG VOCALIZING] Excuse me, would you guys quiet down so I can read silently, please? [SCREAMING] That's a check mark. - For what? - For I don't care. I'm the sub. Ha! [BUZZER SOUNDING] ALL: Oh! That's four check marks on your permanent record, son! [SCREAMING] Nooo! [CRYING] [SIGHING] Permanent record! MAN: Yee-haw! [END THEME PLAYING]