Cereal Killer

(cut to Fred and Barney sitting on a sofa) FRED: Yeah Barney boy, this is the life!

BARNEY: You said it, Fred! An entire civilization not wearin' underwear, ya gotta love it! (Fred and Barney gives thumbs up to one another)

(The door knocks.)

FRED: Now who could that be?

BARNEY: [laughing]

(Fred opens the door.)

FRED: Yeah?

MR. ROCK: Hi, I'm Mr. Rock from FedEx Stone. I got a delivery for Fred Flintstone from Amazon Boulder.com/pebble.

(Fred stares at him, confused.)

MR. ROCK: [sighs] Look, sometimes the rock puns don't fit too well, buddy, you want the package or not?

(Mr. Rock closes the door and leaves.)

FRED: [reading the letter:] "Dear Fred, I hope this distracted you long enough. Signed, Barney. P.S., I invented paper. Bitchin!"

(Fred looks over to Barney, who tries to sneak out with a box of Fruity Pebbles.)

FRED: BARNEY, MY PEBBLES!!!

(Fred gets to Barney, and tries to snatch the Fruity Pebbles away, but Barney manages to escape Fred with the cereal.)

BARNEY : [laughing] Ya can't catch me, Fred! [laughing]

(Fred tackles Barney, and starts punching him in the face. Barney grabs a club and hits Fred in the head with it. Fred falls down on the floor)

BARNEY: (laughs) Good one, Fred, good-

(Cut to Fred's lifeless corpse, which suddenly has blue bloody bruises on it. Blood pours out from his head)

BARNEY: ....uh-oh.

(Cut to Barney burying Fred's dead body in his backyard, using a bird as a shovel.)

BARNEY: Damn it, Fred...I just wanted some of your fuckin' cereal.

BIRD: Oh, his head always was full of rocks...

BARNEY: [gasps] A witness!

"(Barney kills the bird by breaking its spine over his knee, then runs back into the house.)

BARNEY: WITNESSES! THE DISHWASHER!

OCTOPUS: My goodness Cretacious!

BARNEY: THE RECORD PLAYER!!

BIRD: He's off his rocker!

BARNEY: THE BIDET!!!

TURTLE: Oh man the things I've witnessed...

(The appliances begin to scream in terror and panic. Barney manages to grab a pterodactyl, and pulls a pig from under a table)

PIG: Is he stone-cold crazy? You bet Jurassic--

BARNEY: NO MORE PUNS!!!!

(Barney stuffs the pterodactyl into the pig's mouth.)

BARNEY: [laughing evilly, as the camera spins around him]

(Cut to Wilma and Betty returning home)

WILMA: So, he's trying to sell me a tampon, but I said, "It's just a rock!", and he says, "Well duh, EVERYTHING'S a rock!"

BETTY: The nerve of some people.

Wilma & Betty: [gasp] OH MY GOD!!!!!

(The camera shows all of the dead animals, including Dino who is impailed on the wall with spikes. It then cuts to Barney killing the pig by stuffering something into its mouth, with green blood on it chuckling evilly. In his other hand, he holds the turtle)

TURTLE: Oh lord, please don't stop him before he kills me.

(Barney grunts in rage.)

(Cut to a box of Fruity Pebbles as Barney is seen hanging in the gallows in the background)

Announcer: Fruity Pebbles are an important part of this complete breakfast.

(The gallow drops, snapping Barney's neck and killing him.)

(cut to static)