Goodbye Mr. Bear

[The family is in the living room, as "troops" to "General" Danny.]

Danny: Good morning, troops. It is now 0700 [7 a.m. military time] and it's time to attack the enemy. Grease, grime, slime, sludge. And that's just Joey's room. Now, what is dirt?

Michelle: Dirt bad.

Danny: I can't hear you.

Michelle: Dirt bad!

Stephanie: Daddy's really into spring-cleaning, isn't he?

D.J.: Steph, it may be spring-cleaning to you and me, but to Dad, it's Christmas.

[The "troops" march off upstairs to do their duties. All singing in :]

Joey: Hut! If we find dirt, we will attack!

All: If we find dirt, we will attack!

Jesse: [taking Michelle with him] And we'll get Danny off our back!

All: And we'll get Danny off our back!

Joey: Sound off!

All: 1, 2!

Joey: Sound off!

Michelle: Dirt bad!

Danny: [sighs] I love the smell of in the morning.

[In D.J. and Stephanie's room, Stephanie prepares to get rid of any toys and stuffed animals they don't want anymore, as Mr. Bear "looks on".]

Stephanie: Mr. Bear, part of spring-cleaning is giving the toys we don't play with anymore to charity. Should we keep ? [cut to Mr. Bear] No, there's no real candy in it. You are such a nutty bear.

[Michelle comes in, accompanied by D.J.]

Michelle: Toys!

D.J.: Michelle, before we give these toys away, is there something you want here?

Michelle: I want that. [points to Mr. Bear]

[She grabs you-know-what, but you-know-who stops her dead in her tracks.]

Stephanie: Freeze, bear-napper!

Michelle: Who, me?

Stephanie: [takes back her "friend"] Mr. Bear is not a toy. He's one of the family.

D.J.: If Mr. Bear's related to anyone in this room, it's the mattress.

Stephanie: [holds him close to her to 'hear' him "speak"] Mr. Bear says, 'How rude'.

[Stephanie, devastated that Joey accidentally sent Mr. Bear to charity, is in her and her older sister's room making "Lost" posters in hopes that someone will return him. D.J. comes in.]

D.J.: Steph, how many of these posters are you gonna make?

Stephanie: I'm gonna put one on every telephone pole in America. I've gotta find Mr. Bear.

D.J.: Steph, why don't we try talking about something else besides Mr. Bear?

Stephanie: OK, let's talk about Joey. Why'd he give away Mr. Bear?

D.J.: Don't blame Joey. Accidents happen. Like, remember the time you lost my Pillow Person? He was so cute. He had dangling arms and legs. I was mad at you for losing him, but then I got over it. I grew up. I moved on.

[Stephanie gets up to get something under her bed.]

Stephanie: I found your Pillow Person under my mattress.

D.J.: My Pillow Person! [She cuddles him.] Oh, I thought I'd never see you again! [sees Stephanie's sad expression] I mean, what a pleasant surprise.

[Suddenly, Joey comes in.]

Joey: Hi, girls. Steph, I feel terrible about this Mr. Bear thing. Is there any way I can make it up to you?

Stephanie: Remember what Mr. Bear looked like?

Joey: Well, yeah, sure.

Stephanie: Then grab a crayon.

Joey: Pass me a brown.