Tongue Sandwich

(Cow and Chicken are watching a wrestling match on TV in the living room. Cow turns her ankles to the side, then sticks out her tongue, and touches Chicken's wattle with it. Chicken motions her to back off, but Cow extends her tongue around his head and touches his wattle again. Chicken slaps Cow to back off again.)

Chicken: (annoyed) "Eh, cut it out, Cow! I'm watching TV here!"

(However, one of Chicken's loose feathers lands in Cow's right nostril.)

Cow: "Oh. But, big brother, I was only-" (Her sneeze hitches, causing her to sneeze so hard that her tongue launches out of her mouth to the floor and immediately comes to life. As Cow and Chicken look at each other, the tongue then grows a pair of hands and feet.)

Cow's Tongue: (muttering, then laughs) "I'm free!" (looks around) "Why, I'm free! I'm out of your nasty mouth! I'm free at last!" (cackles)

(Cow runs up to catch her tongue.)

Cow: "Tongue!"

Cow's Tongue: "I'm outta here!"

(He immediately jumps through the window, rocketing through the window. A fat man drives along on his moped scooter, until Cow's Tongue knocks him into the street and takes control of the moped scooter.)

Cow's Tongue: "Move it or lose it, sister!" (He speeds away on his new moped into town.)

(Back home, Cow and Chicken wonder what to do about the situation.)

Cow: (without her tongue) "I just lost my tongue!"

Chicken: (grins) "Whoopee!" (He flaps his arms.) "No more tongue! I NEVER HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR STUPID BABBLIN' NO MORE!"

Cow: (without her tongue) "Oh, but, Chicken, I need my tongue. You gotta help me get it back! You know, it had popped out when I sneezed..." (continues speaking unintelligibly)

Chicken: (snaps) "SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE!" (calms down) "Geez, you're worse without a tongue. If I help you find your tongue, do you promise not to lose it?"

Cow: ( speaking unintelligibly and hugging Chicken )

(First, they make it to a Genndy's T ongue-n-Run restaurant, where a man is about to eat his tongue sandwich.)

Cow: (to the man) "Don't eat that tongue!"

Chicken: (to the man) "She says, " "Don't eat that tongue!", stupid." (He grabs the tongue from the man's hot dog buns and stuffs it in Cow's mouth.) "Well? Is dat it?"

Cow: "Well, it looks like..."

(The tongue belongs to that of a horse, causing Cow to turn into a horse and act like one. Chicken tugs it out of her mouth.)

Chicken: "Oh, sorry." (He puts it back in the man's hot dog buns, spraying mustard on the man's clothes, and the siblings then dash off for another tongue restaurant, where they look through the window.) "There's a tongue!"

(They run inside, where Chicken grabs a tongue from a woman's plate and stuffs it into Cow's mouth. However, it causes her to oink like a pig. Cow pulls it out of her mouth and puts it back on the woman's plate as she giggles embarrassedly. Then, they run to a Chinese restaurant, were they see a boy ready to eat a tongue with his chopsticks.)

Cow: "Give that tongue back!" (She grabs the tongue from the boy and puts it in her mouth.)

Chicken: "Well?" (The tongue causes Cow to bark and pant like a dog.) "Aw, man! We're never gonna find it!"

(The two siblings then hear another woman scream in terror, as Cow's Tongue rolls around in some yellow sauce on her plate.)

Cow's Tongue: "Ooh! Sweet, sour. Sweet, sour. Sweet, sour. Ooh, home to the taste buds! Ooh!" (He rubs some sauce on his own surface causing the lady to faint.)

Cow: "Oh, that's my tongue!"

Cow's Tongue: "They're onto me!" (He dashes off.)

Cow: "My tongue! My tongue!" (cries) 

(Cow and Chicken chase after him again. Meanwhile, in a candy store across town, the candy store owner is on the phone calling up the police.)

Candy Store Owner: "Hello, Police? This is the candy store! Dere's a tongue lickin' on my candy!"

(Cow's Tongue hops into each tub of candy, tasting its different flavors.)

Cow's Tongue: "Oh, yeah! Bitter lemon! Ooh, man! Sugary chocolate! Ooh, malted milk balls! Oh, yeah! Hoo-hoo-hoo!" (He holds up a handful of candy and splashes them in his face.) "Ecstasy!" (He hears a squad of police cars coming to the candy store.) "It's the man!" (He leaves the building and comes to an ice cream store.) "Ice Cream!" (He splashes into a fat kid's chocolate ice cream cone.) "Ha-ha! Oh, yeah."

(At the same time, the Candy Store Owner relays Cow's Tongue's visit to Cow and Chicken and points Cow to her runaway tongue's direction. Cow gasps, and the two go on their way again. Later that night, Cow's Tongue arrives at a juice bar, as he takes his seat and hits on a sexy woman.)

Cow's Tongue: (seductively) "Mmmm. Hey, baby. How 'bout a kiss?" (smooches his lips together)

Woman: (repulsed, gasping) "Not if you were the last tongue on Earth!" (She hits him out of the juice bar.)

(The next morning, Cow's Tongue is sleeping inside a tree. He's grown a five o' clock shadow and is using a newspaper as a blanket. He then wakes up and chokes on his breath.)

Cow's Tongue: (tired) "Oh, my achin' butt." (sees a tattoo on his chest) "How the heck did that get there?"

(At that moment, a man puts a wanted poster of Cow's Tongue on the tree's hole and staples it there, darkening the tree's interior. As soon as he leaves, Cow's Tongue bursts through the poster and looks at the details. Cow and Chicken then come along.)

Cow: "There he is! My tongue is wanted by the police?! Oh, woe is me!" (She and Chicken turn away.)

Cow's Tongue: (worried) "Man, I gotta blow this joint!" (He hops out of the tree's hole.)

(Soon, the scene wipes as he's on the run from the cops by riding the moped from earlier.)

Cow's Tongue: (determinedly) "I gotta get across the border to a plastic surgeon that owes me one!"

(He speeds away from the police cars and arrives at a plastic surgery trailer, where the sign says, "Dr. New-Mexican No-Pance: Neo-Plastic: Plastic Surgery While-U-Wait. TM".)

Red Guy: "Well, well, Cow's Tongue!" (He puts on one of the latex gloves.) "Cow's Tongue on the lamb? Fuzz are closin', eh? Need some plastic surgery? WHADDYA WANNA BE?!"

(Cow's Tongue sees the police cars driving to the trailer.)

Cow's Tongue: (alert) "C'mon, Dr. No-Pants!"

Red Guy: "Oh, my personal favorite!" (He pulls down a picture of four shots of himself mooning for the camera.) "Fetching!"

Cow's Tongue: "All right, but make it quick!"

Red Guy: (He grabs a blowdart and tube.) "ANESTHETIC TIME!" (He dashes off and returns in native's clothing.) "Did I mention that I earned my plastic surgeon techniques from the Azwepay tribe of the Amazon?" (Red shows Cow's Tongue a photograph of Red giving a thumbs-up, as his class of similar Red Guys stare at him, as the photograph reads, "Class of '92: Azwepay Tribe Plastic Surgery". Red then leaps on the bed, ready to dart Tongue.)  "Now, just lay back. THIS WON'T HURT A BIT!"

(As he sucks on the blowdart tube to shoot him, the police squad barges in, armed with batons.)

Police Officer #1: (orderly) "Hold it right dere, Tongue!"

Red Guy: (to the cops) "Hey, you can't break in like this! I RUN A RESPECTABLE BUSINESS HERE!"

(At that moment, Cow's Tongue hops on Red's shoulder, arming himself with the blowdart tube and scaring Red.)

Cow's Tongue: (fearlessly) "Back off, coppers, or the Red Guy gets a face full of blowdart!"

Police Officer #1: (motioning his partner to put down his baton) "Easy now. That tongue is just crazy enough to do it!"

(They watch as Cow's Tongue brings Red out the door, getting away from the cops.)

Red Guy: "Oh!" (snickers at the cops) "Nice move, Tongue! You really fooled 'em back there! Heck, you even had me go in for a second."

(He feels a blowdart shot in his rear and passes out, as Cow's Tongue makes his escape on the moped scooter, revealed to have darted Red. Meanwhile, Cow and Chicken sit outside their house, having given up hope of getting the tongue back.)

Chicken: (sadly) "Gee, I'm sorry, Cow. I guess we'll never find your tongue."

Cow: (crying) 

(At that moment, Cow's Tongue returns and runs to his owner, as the police cars pull up the house.)

Cow's Tongue: (desperate) "Quick, Cow! You gotta hide me! C'mon!" (gets down on his knees and prays)

Cow: (happily) "Oh, Tongue! You are back!" (She motions Tongue to hide inside her mouth, which he does instantly as the police officers arrive.)

Police Officer #2: "Did you see a tongue run by here?"

Cow: "Um, I believe..."

Cow's Tongue: (sneakily) "He went thataway."

Police Officer #2: "Thanks, kid."

(Cow's Tongue blows him a raspberry.)

Cow: (wisely) "Oh, now, Tongue, be nice."

(They hear the police cars drive away.)

Cow's Tongue: (solemnly) "Sorry. Look, Cow: I promise I'll be a good tongue and never run away again."

Cow: (relieved) "Oh! Oh, this is great! I have got my tongue back! Oh, I feel like a brand new cow! Moo! A brave new world that has such organs in it! Oh!" (giggles) "I am so excited! Moo!"

Chicken: (sarcastically) "Yeah, I'm thrilled for yas."

(However, Cow whacks her udders against his head, breaking off her brother's wattle by accident. Chicken's wattle then comes to life, sprouting arms and using the wattle as legs.)

Chicken's Wattle: " I'm free! I'm free! I'm outta here!" (He laughs. Before he can take off, he is squished by  Chicken's foot.)

Chicken: (higher-pitched) "Not a chance, wattle boy!"

(The camera irises out, until Cow opens the iris to let her tongue close the episode.)

Cow's Tongue: "End, baby."

(Fade Out)