The Bare Facts

Note: All lines marked with one asterisk (*) are delivered by someone off camera or in a voiceover.

(Opening shot: the city skyline, seen through a window. The Mayor’s reflection is visible.)

 

* Mayor: The city of Townsville …is entirely mine! I love this job!

(His perspective of his office, approaching his desk chair, which has a set of steps next to it.)

 

* Mayor: There’s just so much to love about being the Mayor! Meeting new people, visiting exotic places, soaring to new heights. And I love my office!

(Camera rotates to point across the desk on the end of this line. On it are a phone, a picture of the Mayor’s wife, an intercom speaker, and some papers with a drawing on the top sheet. The hotline is on a nearby stand.)

 

* Mayor: I love my phone— (picking up receiver; a dial tone is heard) Hello, this is the Mayor. I’d like to order a pizza. Put it on my tab. (hanging up, laughing) I love the power! (picking up picture, holding a pen in one hand) Ah, my wife. I love my—uh, pen. (putting both down) And I just love the responsibility and the active decision-making that comes with being one man in charge of an entire city! (pushing intercom button) Uh, Ms. Bellum…what am I supposed to do?

Ms. Bellum: (over intercom) Good morning, Mayor. Well, you can start by signing some very important documents on your desk.

(Camera turns down slightly to show the papers; the drawing is of the Mayor as a bodybuilder, with the words “I’m Strong!” underneath. He continues to work on it as he speaks.)

 

* Mayor: Important documents? Where would those be? Important documents… (turning drawing over, reading) Oh! “Im-por-tant…nnnnnew…lllllaw.” Hmmm! Wonder what this is all about. Well, it must be important. I’ll sign it.

(He taps on the desk for a long moment, then activates the intercom again.)

 

* Mayor: Hi, Ms., uh, Bellum, ah—

Ms. Bellum: (over intercom) M…A…Y…O…R.

* Mayor: Oh, uh, yes. Thank you, Ms. Bellum. (A crash of glass is heard o.c.) Oh, my!

(Pan quickly over to the office window, smashed.)

 

* Mayor: What’s all that glass doing on the floor?

(Mojo Jojo pops into view at point-blank range. The Mayor cries out in surprise as he leaps high into the air and swings a club toward the camera. The screen explodes into stars briefly; when these clear, we see Mojo again, holding the club and grinning evilly. The image goes into and out of focus as the Mayor speaks, and the camera slowly tilts toward the floor.)

 

* Mayor: (woozily) Oh, it’s you…You won’t get away with this…Mojo Jo…

(He trails off, and the camera stops at Mojo’s feet. Fade to black. Several seconds pass before he speaks again.)

 

Mayor: Oh, my head! (He moans briefly.) Oh! Where am I? Why can’t I see?…Wait! And why can’t I move my arms and legs?

Mojo: Oh, shut up already!

Mayor: Who’s that? Is that you, Mommy?

Mojo: No, dummy! It’s me, the evil Mojo Jojo! I blindfolded and tied you up in order to keep the whereabouts of my secret lair a secret!

Mayor: Oh! You mean the observatory on the top of the volcano in the middle of Townsville Central Park?

Mojo: Ooh, shut up, I say! I say “shut up” because I am going to become powerful. But before I can become powerful, I must be taken seriously. And the only way to be taken seriously is to rule the city of Townsville as the Mayor! But in order for me to become Mayor, you cannot be Mayor, and that is why I had to strip you of your—

(He is cut off by a crash and the sound of the girls’ arrival.)

 

Blossom: Not—

Buttercup: —so fast—

Bubbles: —Mojo Jojo!

Mojo: Powerpuff Girls! Ooh, take this!

(A fight breaks out; he and the Girls trade blows for a while.)

 

Blossom: Ow! (sternly) That’s it, Mojo. Now you’re gonna get it!

(We hear him take several blows and collapse groaning to the floor. Seems the Girls gave him a good thrashing once Blossom was heard warning him he was in trouble after striking her.)

 

Blossom: Let’s get the Mayor! (laughing a bit) Are you okay, Mayor?

Buttercup: (also laughing) Yeah, are you okay? (Bubbles giggles.)

Mayor: What’s so funny?

Blossom: (still laughing) Oh, nothing. Come on! (We hear them giggle and take off.)

(After a few seconds of flying and giggling, we hear them land. The black screen wipes to an extreme close-up of Blossom’s eyes—the Mayor’s perspective again. He screams in surprise.)

 

* Mayor: Oh! Hi, Blossom. Hey, where am I?

(She backs up from the camera, holding a piece of cloth—the blindfold—and the view from the desk is re-established. The other Girls are now on the other side of it.)

 

Blossom: Back in your office, safe and sound. (giggles) Are you okay? (She backs up to join the others.)

* Mayor: A-OK, I think. Why, that was some fight I heard. Thank you for saving my life—although what was so gosh darn funny? (Bubbles giggles.) Why were you all laughing?

Blossom: Well…you don’t want to hear it. It…it’s such a long story.

Bubbles, Buttercup: Yeah, long story.

* Mayor: I got time.

Blossom: Well, you see, it goes like this.

Bubbles: We were all at school.

(A crayon drawing of the school building appears, complete with a happy sun and a few clouds. Next we see Bubbles, holding a picture of a flower. An arrow with her name points to her.)

 

* Bubbles: And I was drawing a pretty picture of a red daisy.

(The words “red flower” appear by the picture. As she continues, pull back to show Blossom—labeled with her name—making a disparaging comment; Bubbles’ expression saddens.)

 

* Bubbles: But then Blossom came along and said that the red daisy was bi…bi-o-ge…netical…biogenetically impossible!

(The petals fall off the picture, and Bubbles’ label changes to “Sad Bubbles.” A moment later, the flower sprouts yellow petals and gets a new label and she brightens again. She holds up both pictures, labeled with their respective colors.)

 

* Bubbles: So then I made it a yellow one, but I really liked the red one. Maybe I should have just made two flowers, one red and one—

* Buttercup: Bubbles!

(Back to the office.)

 

Buttercup: The Mayor doesn’t want to hear about your stupid baby stories. He just wants to know the bare facts. Who cares about a dumb old flower anyway? Mayor, I’ll tell you what really happened. See—

Blossom: I was at school…

(Cut to her sitting on the floor in the classroom, reading a book. The picture is rendered entirely in pink and red tones.)

 

* Blossom: …brushing up on my conversational Chinese, when all of a sudden, my hotline phone rang. (Zoom in on it as it buzzes, then cut to her rushing toward it.) I knew there was trouble, and I had to act fast. I rushed to the phone—

(Back to the office.)

 

Buttercup: Why is everything always about you? We were there too.

Bubbles: Yeah! And I was drawing a very important picture. Although now I can’t remember if it was a yellow flower or a pink flower—hey, Blossom, do you remember what color it—

Blossom: Anyway, like I was saying…

(Pink shot: Blossom talking into the hotline.)

 

* Blossom: …I answered the phone— (Pan slightly to show the other girls standing motionless against the back wall.) —oh, and Buttercup and Bubbles were there too, I guess.

(Pink shot: the office. Ms. Bellum is at the hotline.)

 

* Blossom: It was Ms. Bellum on the phone. She informed me that you’d been kidnapped! (Pull back to show the smashed window.)

(Back to the office.)

 

Bubbles: Hey, you mean Mayor-napped, don’t you? He’s not a little kid, you know.

Buttercup: Yeah, he’s no spring chicken.

Bubbles: Yeah, he’s no chicken.

Blossom: (raising her hands in anger) Shush! (They obey, and she turns back to the Mayor) Mr. Mayor, you had written an elaborate note telling Ms. Bellum that you’d gone home to write your election speech.

* Mayor: I did? How smart of me!

Blossom: That’s not what I mean! See, you didn’t actually write the note.

* Mayor: But you just said I wrote the note!

Blossom: Ms. Bellum said that you couldn’t have possibly written the note because she writes all of your speeches.

* Mayor: Ms. Bellum wrote the note?

Blossom: (waving her hands, Buttercup breaks into a little smile with her arms still folded) NOOOO! Neither you nor Ms. Bellum wrote the note!

* Mayor: Then who wrote the note? I’m sorry, Blossom, but this is all terribly confusing.

Blossom: I knew that there was only one evil menacing character cunning enough to do this.

Bubbles: Mojo Jojo!

* Mayor: Mojo Jojo?

Girls: Yes! Yes!

* Mayor: Mojo Jojo wrote my speech? (The girls become irritated at this.) I’ll have to thank him.

Buttercup: (screams in frustration) Mojo wrote the note! Mojo wrote the note!

(Cut to the exterior of the observatory, rendered in black, white, and yellow-green.)

 

* Buttercup: We got to the observatory— (Freeze frame of her crashing in.) —busted in— (She strikes Mojo.) —beat up Mojo— (She flies out with the Mayor.) —rescued you—

(Back to the office.)

 

Buttercup: —and here we are! Can we go home now?

Blossom: Buttercup! There’s more to the story than that!

* Mayor: Why were you laughing so much? My life was at stake! I don’t see what was so funny.

Blossom: Well, I’m trying to get to that, Mayor— (shooting Buttercup a look) —if Buttercup would just butt out and let me tell the story!

(Pink shot: the girls in flight, with Blossom in the lead.)

 

* Blossom: We quickly forged out on our mission to defeat Mojo Jojo, in a typical V-pattern formation.

(Crayon drawing: the girls in flight.)

 

* Bubbles: Yeah. We were flying to Mojo Jojo’s house. (Close-up of her.) I like flying. Oh, and then there were these really pretty clouds. And there was one that was shaped like a heart, and there was this one that looked like a pretty pony, and there was one that looked like a cloud—

(We see each shape of cloud as she mentions it. Back to the office.)

 

Blossom: As I was saying…

(A blueprint of Mojo’s lair appears.)

 

* Blossom: I devised a tactical plan based on past scenarios we have encountered. Abiding to my Powerpuff Girls planbook— (A path is traced out.) —we surrounded the perimeter of the evil Mojo Jojo compound, as outlined in section Ten-A.

(Back to the office.)

 

Buttercup: What are you talking about?!

(B/W/YG freeze frame: she smashes through the observatory ceiling.)

 

* Buttercup: I busted in—SMASH! (Mojo sees her come in.) And there was Mojo. “Arrrr,” he said. (Close-up of her.) “Not so fast,” I said. (Close-up of Mojo.) “Grrrr,” Mojo said. (The two face off.) It was just me and Mojo. (Close-up of him.) “Ha-ha!” he said. (He pulls out a large blaster.) Suddenly he was holding a giant laser. (Extreme close-up of the muzzle, a beam emerging.) KA-BOOM! He fired!

(Crayon drawing: the laser beam.)

 

* Bubbles: And there was a very pretty shiny blue color.

(B/W/YG freeze frame: Buttercup staring in fear.)

 

* Buttercup: It was coming at us. (Close-up of Blossom, covering her face.) Blossom was helpless. (Buttercup pulls her to safety, and the beam blows out a wall.) WHOOSH! And SMASH against the wall!

(Crayon drawing: dust and rubble flying everywhere.)

 

* Bubbles: Yeah! Mojo did a very silly thing, he did— (The dust clears to show a hole in the wall.) —blowing a hole in his house.

(Mojo appears, with the label “Mad Monkey” by him. He is red-faced and literally boiling over.)

 

* Bubbles: Boy, was he mad. There was steam coming out of his ears.

(The picture changes to show him crying and labeled “Sad Monkey.”)

 

* Bubbles: But I knew that deep down inside he was a sad, poor little monkey.

(Back to the office.)

 

Blossom: Stop it, stop it, stop it! You’re not making any sense! The Mayor isn’t following your stories at all!

Buttercup: Well, if you would butt out, maybe he would!

Bubbles: Yeah! Butt it out! Let me tell the story. I tell it the bestest. Besides, I remember everything like it happened yesterday.

Blossom: IT HAPPENED TODAY! See? This is what I mean!

Buttercup: Oh, shut up!

Bubbles: You don’t even know how to tell a good bedtime story!

* Mayor: (frantically) Girls! Girls! I just want to know why you were all laughing!

Bubbles: Your turn, Blossom. (Blossom clears her throat.)

(Pink shot: Blossom in Mojo’s lair, looking up at an o.c. adversary.)

 

* Blossom: Mojo surprised me by deviating from his usual textbook maneuver by employing his fighting Robo Mojo. (We see him at the controls.)

(Crayon drawing: a raygun.)

 

* Bubbles: Yeah. It was a big machine. Bigger than his laser machine, even.

(As she continues, pull back to show a larger gun, a cannon, and the robot.)

 

* Bubbles: Even bigger—bigger than any bigger machine! Or even bigger than the biggest machine that’s bigger than bigger!

(Pink shot: Mojo getting ready to launch missiles.)

 

* Blossom: Mojo directed his missiles—

(B/W/YG freeze frame: Buttercup in the robot’s shadow.)

 

* Buttercup: —but I was ready. (Mojo works the controls.) He fired— (imitating the sound of the launching as the missiles fly) It was coming at me, and I jumped. (They explode behind her.) SMASH! Hup! (imitating explosion) Ooooh! (She flies up to face him.) And then I flew at him, and SMASH! CRASH! (She breaks through the dome and begins pounding him.) WHAM! Two-fisted punch! POW! ZAH! High kick! Head smash! Bash, sucker!

(Crayon drawing: a severely injured Mojo, with the hole in his braincap labeled “Boo Boo.”)

 

* Bubbles: Buttercup hurt Mojo’s head. (Bubbles appears and makes as if to kiss the exposed brain.) And I would have kissed his widdle boo-boo, but then I remembered he was a bad monkey, so I KICKED IN HIS FACE! (She does so.)

(Pink shot: Mojo holding up a pair of nunchucks and twirling them.)

 

* Blossom: All of a sudden, from nowhere, Mojo Jojo deployed these…ninja thingies.

(Back to the office.)

 

Buttercup: (clearing throat) Nunchucks.

(B/W/YG shot: Mojo twirling them over his head.)

 

* Buttercup: And WHOOSH—WHOOSH, WHOOSH, WHOOSH, WHOOSH! He was all kung fu style! (Close-up of Mojo, ready for a Shaolin throwdown; Buttercup makes a high, nasal whine to accompany it.) But I was ready.

(Pink shot: the girls in flight. Blossom is again running point.)

 

* Blossom: Then we initiated the attack again. I led the team, of course.

(B/W/YG freeze frame: Mojo nailing Blossom in the face.)

 

* Buttercup: But then Blossom got smashed. BASH! Right in the kisser.

(Crayon drawing: Mojo swinging at Bubbles, then twirling the nunchucks like a jump rope. Both jump happily.)

 

* Bubbles: And he almost got me. (She giggles.)

(Pink shot: Mojo hauling off for another swing.)

 

* Blossom: And then Mojo Jojo turned around and swung a mind-blowing blow! (Cut to Buttercup, knocked senseless and falling in slow motion.) And he hit Buttercup. As she fell limp, that’s when I knew that it was up to me to save the day!

* Buttercup: (nonplussed) Um…

(Back to the office.)

Buttercup: I wasn’t hit that hard.

Bubbles: And what about me, huh?

Blossom: Uh…you drew the pretty picture, remember?

Bubbles: Oh, yeah.

* Mayor: (even more frantically than before) But what about all the laughing?

(B/W/YG freeze frame: Buttercup, tensed for battle.)

 

* Buttercup: Now I was really mad. (Mojo cowers in her shadow.) Mojo was gonna get it! (He takes a beating.) SMASH! CRASH! I punched him!

(Pink shot: Blossom delivering an uppercut.)

 

* Blossom: And I gave him a good one of my own!

(Crayon drawing: Bubbles landing a flying punch.)

 

* Bubbles: I helped too.

(Pink shot: Buttercup delivering more punishment.)

 

* Blossom: Buttercup was beating up Mojo pretty good, according to plan.

(Crayon drawing: a stream of liquid flying through the air.)

 

* Bubbles: Yeah! And there were some guts. (Pull back to show Mojo throwing up.) Oh. I didn’t like the guts. Yucch.

(Pink shot: Buttercup giving Mojo a few last kicks, while Blossom holds him up by his cape. Bubbles hovers in the background.)

 

* Blossom: I took Mojo into custody in order to keep Buttercup from beating him up—

(Cut to a trash can; Bubbles opens it so Blossom can dump Mojo in, then puts the lid back on as Buttercup watches.)

 

* Blossom: —and deposited him in a safe place—

(Back to the office.)

 

Blossom: —and then saved you and raced back here.

Bubbles: And then we took off your blindfold, and then you asked us, “Hey, what happened?” And then I told you I was drawing a picture of a pretty flower, and then Blossom said—

Blossom, Buttercup: You’re telling the whole story all over again!

Bubbles: (laughing nervously) Sorry.

* Mayor: (almost unhinged) Girls! That’s all okey-dokey, peachy keen, fine and dandy, but you never explained what was so gosh darn funny!

Buttercup: Whoa, look at the time.

Blossom: Yeah, we gotta go.

Bubbles: See you, Mayor.

Girls: Bye! (Cut to the smashed window as they take off through it.)

* Mayor: (from o.c.) Wait! Why were you laughing?

(Pull back to show him looking out the window after them. He is wearing nothing but his hat and monocle.)

 

Mayor: Why were you girls laughing?

Narrator: (snickering) Oh, Mayor, looks like Mojo stripped you of even more than your power!

(The standard end shot comes up.)

 

Narrator: But the girls couldn’t “bare” to tell you the naked truth. (laughing) So once again the day is saved—thanks to the Powerpuff Girls! Mayor, you cheeky devil.