The Awkwardness

Ketchup Rap







 * On my way to buy some ketchup, I'm feeling pretty good.


 * Gonna take it right on home and then I'll cover all my food.


 * Ketchup is my favorite sauce, it is the condiment of kings!


 * Ketchup, you're so useful, you taste great on many things!


 * You can use it on a burger, or spaghetti bolognese.


 * You can use it to clean your ears or even wash your face!


 * On pizza, pasta, chops, or cookies as a main or on the side.


 * Hair gel, salad dressing, or to grease a slip-and-slide.


 * It's good for steak, cake, coffee break, roast hake,


 * a pasta bake! If you drink some in the morning it'll make you feel awake!


 * On fries, shish kebab, on bacon, crab, or toast, you can fry it, steam it,


 * boil it, bake it, use it on a roast.


 * On meats, beets, cheese, wheat, sweets, and treats


 * and with a little chili for a touch of extra heat


 * it's not just there for you to eat,


 * when dried, it works like concrete.


 * To shine your boots, on veg, on fruits,


 * to clean your shirts, your socks, your suits,


 * to lubricate a creaky door, to clean your teeth,


 * to clean a floor, to paint a painting you have painted,


 * revive old ladies who fainted, to give your quiche a little lift,


 * an unexpected Christmas gift, it's always guaranteed


 * to make an awesome fake nose bleed.


 * But my favorite use for ketchup's not on fries or roasted hog,


 * where I love ketchup most is on a big juicy hot dog--




 * Oh no, it's Hot Dog Guy again...


 * Oh no, him...






 * Well this is awkward. It's like we're in sync... and now we're both talking at... right, I'll just stop talking and you can...


 * Okay. The only way we get out of sync...


 * ...is if I say something really unexpected like:


 * Business clown! Meat flam! Thunder quack!


 * Just pick up your phone and let's never talk again, okay?




 * Okay, bye!




 * Maybe I'll just cross the road.




 * Hey, what are you doing?


 * Trust me, it's better this WAY!




 * Roadworks.






 * Wait a minute!




 * What are you doing?


 * Playing tag!




 * Finally! Alone.


 * I thought I'd never get rid of that guy.


 * Hopefully I'll never see his face--






 * Really?


 * I'll just, uh...


 * Yes, y-yes, you do that.










 * Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot...


 * Could you, uh, like, not breathe directly to my mouth?


 * I'm sorry, it's just really hot in here. I'll just try.


 * Hey. Hey!




 * Oh, sorry.


 * I don't mind.


 * Okay, just go to your happy place.




 * Ah, that's better, but I need some more air. Comfortable clothes please.  Still thirsty though.




 * Hey! This is my private happy place! What are you doing here?


 * Not really my choice.




 * What the?! How?


 * Well, we hit a bump and, um...










 * Okay, look, we're clearly walking in the same direction. Let's just acknowledge that and move forward.


 * Yeah, it's only weird if we make it weird. Let's just relax and coexist, there's nothing weird about that.

Awkwardness inside the Elevator



 * Who am I kidding, the elevator is one of the most awkward places on the planet. Right up there with the school locker room, dinner with your girlfriend's father, dinner with your girlfriend's father in the school locker room.






 * So, where are you going anyway?


 * Oh I was just getting ketchup for my delicious hot do-- uh...did you press the button?


 * You're standing next to it, I thought you pressed it.




 * Not this time! Ha ha ha!


 * What is wrong with you, man?


 * Nothing.




 * Come on! Come on!  Right. With our luck, we'll be stuck here for two days. How about we just push through the awkwardness and get to know each other.


 * How?


 * Let's just confess to our most embarrassing secret, right here, right now. Then we'll know each other so well, we'll feel comfortable enough to hang out.


 * Eh, really?


 * I'll start! I've got like a weird nail at the end of my tail. Look.


 * Ew...


 * Come on man, don't leave me hanging.


 * Okay. This isn't my real hair. It's a wig. Designed to hide this: I was born attached to my two brothers. The other scars are less conspicuous.








 * Don't worry, I didn't take any pictures.




 * It was a video!



Awkwardness in a Public Restroom



 * Finally.​ A some place where I...


 * Won't reach that guy again.


 * Oh, come on! can you just open the door please?  And we're stuck.


 * OK, the only way out of here is to work together


 * You work together.


 * It's not possible to work together on your own


 * Whatever.


 * Come on, you just have to go at the back at the cubicle and push out with our legs


 * OK, give me your arm.




 * We touch as little as possible again, OK?


 * Why do you have to make everything so awkward?


 * Me?




 * You're the one who's halflessly awkward


 * I'm not halfless, I'm totally halfull man


 * That's not even a word. ok, how about if we pretend this is all normal?




 * Ok, it's just a hot dog and a blue cat climbing on a public toilet using only your feet. Nothing weird here


 * See, there's nothing awkward if you decide it's not.


 * I don't know, it's sounds pretty awkward from here.




 * Sorry.


 * Oh that's fine.



Supermarket Madness

 * haha, one day we'll laugh about... not about this but






 * Finally I got rid of that annoying Hot dog Guy.


 * Now I'm in the store so there is no reason why.


 * He can interrupt my day so I'll tell you all what's up


 * And top of me and buy myself a bottle of--


 * Hah, funny. That will be a perfect dramatic place for him to appear


 * You thought I was that Hot Dog Guy, right?




 * Yeah, I get that a lot




 * Hey look.




 * Buy one, get one free


 * It's funny only do look like the Hot Do--


 * No, no, no!


 * What are you doing? I'm running away from you!


 * No, I'm running away from you!