Kung Fu Blander / Destroy Bob the Builder Destroy

(Scene begins at a book that says "The Ancient Book 4th Edition: Now with more prophecies!")

Soothsayer: The Ancient Book (PROPHECY #1: EVIL PEACOCK) has prophesied (Zooms in on said peacock) that a peacock (Goes to his cannon weapon and subtitles say "I'ma destroy you, Kung-Fu" to the 3 people) with a powerful weapon will try to destroy Kung-Fu (People say "Cool story, bro") but will be defeated (Peacock says "I'm serious) by a force of black and white. (Yin and Yang falls on the peacock creating a crash and people say LOL and NOOB)

(Po pulls down the book)

Po: Who would that be?

Soothsayer: Can't tell. This book's not in color. Could be anyone (Anyone that's a panda is pretty likely).

Lord Shen: I highly doubt (Scene goes to Lord Shen) that you, Po, can defeat my secret weapon.

(Scene goes to Po)

Po: That secret weapon wouldn't happen to be a (PROPHECY #2: THE PEACOCK HAS A... SECRET CANNON) cannon, would it, Shen? 'Cause I'd hate to make you angry by ruining your big reveal.

(Scene goes to Lord Shen)

Lord Shen: How funny, (Scene backs out to show a Pink Circle Angry Bird) because an Angry Bird is my (Scene backs out) big reveal.(OMG ANGRY BIRDS! HOW COULD YOU TURN ON US??????!!!!?!?!?!?)

(Angry Birds wearing helmets and in different shapes and colors appear)

Angry Birds: Ya-ha!

(Scene goes to Po, who face palmed)

Po: Aw, COME ON! Last movie I fought a snow leopard. Now I'm fighting a BIRD?! (to the audience) Is it me, or are these movies getting worse?

(Scene goes to the title card "Kung Fu Blander" with music playing and a gong is heard)

(Scene goes to Po and the Furious Five appear quickly and a green pig comes from the left side)

Green Pig: Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. Shifu thought a pig would round out the whole "animal team" theme.

Tigress: You buy that outfit or rent it?

Green Pig: Bought it.

Tigress: Too bad.

(Scene goes to Lord Shen firing a Pink Circle Angry Bird)

Lord Shen: Fire!

(Lord Shen fires the Pink Circle Angry Bird)

(Scene goes to the Pink Circle Angry Bird flying)

Pink 5-Splitter Bird: (While transforming into five groups) Hee hee hee!

(Scene goes to all five Pink Circle Angry Birds landing on each of the Furious Five, knocking them all out)

(Scene zooms in on Green Pig)

Green Pig: From now on, every moment is a gift!

(Green Pig runs off and scene goes to Po looking surprised)

Po: (Gasp, Looks at Lord Shen) How did you defeat the Furious Five?! (Video Game Logic, my friend, makes it possible.)

(Soothsayer comes in with blue shadow around her)

Soothsayer: Nobody listens to me. I say only black and white can defeat Shen! (Scene goes to passed out Mantis) I see green, (Scene goes to passed out Tigress) orange, (Scene goes to passed out Monkey) I see brown. (Scene goes back to Soothsayer) It's like Walt Disney threw up! (You know, if he was still alive.)

Po: Black and white, huh? I don't need a whole movie to figure this out. It's me!

(Green Granade Bird hits Po creating a boom and makes him a midnight ash color.)

(Soothsayer appears holding a color chart)

Soothsayer: I guess you're more of a midnight ash.

(Gong is heard)

Po: Now you tell me. (Starts to walk away) Thanks a lot, you old goat. (Po reappears on the left) That sounded mean, but actually, she is an old goat.

(Po gets hit by a Green Circle Angry Bird creating a boom)

Po: (screaming, runs away) Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

(Scene goes to Lord Shen)

Lord Shen: Die, Po, and let kung fu die with you! Ah ha ha ha ha!

(Scene goes to Po running away Angry Birds style from Lord Shen who is firing Angry Birds at him)

Blue Speedy Bird: Ooh!

Grenade Bird: Whee! (and explodes)

Pink 5-Splitter Bird: He he he he!

Orange Square Angry Bird: Ha ha ha ha!

(Orange Square Angry Bird hits TNT that collapses the temple causing 2,000 points)

(Scene goes to Lord Shen and a Green Circle Angry Bird in the slingshot)

Grenade Bird: You know that was your own temple you destroyed, right?

Lord Shen: I know, but firing these things is so addictive. (Just like the game that turned on us!!!

(Lord Shen lets go of the slingshot sending Grenade Bird in the air)

Grenade Bird: Whee!

(Scene goes to Po running away while Angry Birds try to explode on him)

Po: Black and white, black and white, gotta find someone black and white!

(Scene goes to Pepé Le Pew hugging a shaking Penelope Pussycat in the city)

Pepé Le Pew: My little mon cherrie (Zooms in on them), kiss me. Mmm (Po grabs him and aims him in the direction of a Green Circle Angry Bird), mmm, mmm.

KA-BOOM!

Pepé Le Pew: What a woman.

Po: Okay, not him. (throws Pepe Le Pew away)

(Scene goes to Thomas Popper Jr. teaching penguins to dance)

Thomas Popper Jr.: And shuffle ball, step, shuffle ball, lunge.

(Thomas Popper Jr. lunges into Po on the right side.)

Po: Hi. I'm going to need all those penguins.

Thomas Popper Jr.: But these penguins are teaching me how to be a better father.

(Scene backs out)

Po: Did you just hear what you just said?

(This made Thomas Popper Jr. very sad.)

Thomas Popper Jr.: (Breaking down) What happened to my career?!

(Po grabs a Penguin and backs away slowly while Thomas Popper Jr. is seen sobbing.)

(Scene goes to Lord Shen and his army of Angry Birds.)

Po: Okay, Shen. (Scene changes and Po holds up the penguin) Prepare to meet your-

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and creates a boom on the penguin)

Po: Guess it's not the penguin.

(Po puts penguin down and takes a black-suited Spider-Man giving the peace sign)

Po: Prepare to meet-

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on Spider-Man leaving some parts open)

Po: Or Spider-Man.

(Po puts Spider-Man away and takes out a black and white cookie)

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on black and white cookie)

Po: Or this cookie.

(Po puts the black and white cookie away and takes out a sign saying One Way ◄)

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on sign saying One Way ◄)

Po: That sign.

(Po puts away the sign and takes out a black and white photo of construction vehicles)

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on the black and white photo of construction vehicles)

Po: This photo.

(Po puts away the photo and takes out two pair of dice)

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on the two pair of dice)

Po: These dice.

(Po puts away the dice and pulls out Reshiram & Zekrom)

(Green Circle Angry Bird explodes and causes a boom on Reshiram & Zekrom)

Po: These Pokémon.

(Scene goes to Lord Shen firing Angry Birds on his slingshot)

Lord Shen: (evil laugh) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

(Scene goes to all the different kinds of Angry Birds laughing at Po)

Angry Birds: Hee hee hee hee hee hee!

(Scene goes to Po looking scared)

Po: (screaming in terror)

(Angry Birds explode on him causing a boom and scene fogs up)

(Scene shows Po in the dust looking defeated)

Po: Okay, you win! The prophecy was wrong! (Scene goes to Lord Shen and his army of Angry Birds while Po talks) There's nothing black and white that can beat you...

Soothsayer: Wait! (Scene goes to Soothsayer and two familiar figures behind a curtain) Not according to my book!

(Soothsayer opens curtain to show Black Spy and White Spy holding bombs and playing the Spy vs. Spy theme music)

(Black Spy and White Spy throw bombs at Lord Shen who he and his army of Angry Birds are looking frightened.)

Lord Shen: What the-- OH HECK NO!!!

(Bombs explode on Lord Shen causing a boom and destroys him, his army and his temple. That'll teach those birds to be traitors!)

Po: (While walking and talking to Soothsayer) That book must be pretty smart.

Soothsayer: Nah. (Holds a MAD book with Alfred E. Neuman on it) Not really.

(Scene goes to Black Spy and White Spy shaking hands and when they let go it shows their arms were full of dynamite)

Black Spy and White Spy: (chuckling)

(Arms of dynamite blow up causing a boom and ending the segment)

(Scene begins with Bob the Builder and a tree planted)

(Scoop comes in pushing dirt)

Bob the Builder: One more push and we can break for lunch, Scoop.

(Scene back out to show also Muck, Dizzy and Lofty.)

Scoop: OK, Bob!

Bob the Builder: Great job, team! (Scene zooms in on Bob the Builder) Can we build it or what?

(Scene backs out)

Machine Team: Yes, we can!

(House in the background exploded and everyone got scared)

(Scene zooms in on Bob the Builder and his Machine Team who look scared)

Bob the Builder: What's going on?!

(Andrew W.K. pushes Bob the Builder aside)

Andrew W.K.: I'm Andrew W.K. and this is Destroy, Build, Destroy!

(Scene goes to Andrew W.K. playing guitar and then multiplying into a lot, a scene said PARTY for a quick second, a kid blows a party horn, and Andrew W.K. finishes with playing a guitar, a team pops up behind him, spotlights and stuff on set appear, and the ruined house gets exploded again but no pieces fly.)

(Scene goes to Bob the Builder and his machines who are looking shocked)

Bob the Builder: Did that just happen?

Machine Team: Yes, it did!

(Title card: Destroy Bob the Builder Destroy)

(Scene goes to Andrew W.K. talking to Bob the Builder)

Andrew W.K.: Bob, my teams can destroy anything you build, so, what are you trying to build today?

(Scene goes to Bob the Builder)

Bob the Builder: Well, (Bob pulls out a sandwich) confidence mostly.

(Bob the Builder almost eats his new sandwich but it gets slapped away by Andrew W.K.)

Bob the Builder: Hey! I just made that!

(Scene backs out to Andrew W.K.)

Andrew W.K.: And I just destroyed it! (Andrew W.K. starts to make the sandwich into something new and unusual) On Destroy, Build, Destroy we smash up old things and turn them into awesome new things!

(Andrew W.K. shows Bob the Builder his new sandwich creation)

Andrew W.K.: See?

Bob the Builder: That sandwich wasn't old!

Andrew W.K.: No, but your friend is!

(Scene goes to Scoop in the air being held by a metal attracting machine)

Scoop: Am I in Heaven?

(Scene goes to Bob the Builder)

Bob the Builder: (Gasps) Oh, no! Scoop, don't panic!

(Scene goes to Scoop while raising his loader)

Scoop: I'll try not to, Bob!

(Scoop farts a puff of smelly green gas)

Scoop: I think Scoop just pooped!

(Scene goes to Bob the Builder talking to Andrew W.K.)

Bob the Builder: Get him down from there right now!

Andrew W.K.: Let's do it!

(Scene goes back to Scoop and the machine lets go of him)

Scoop: Aaaaahhhhh!

(Scene goes to Bob the Builder looking scared)

Bob the Builder: Aaaaahhhhh!

(Scene goes to Andrew W.K.)

Andrew W.K.: Aaaaahhhhh!

(Scene goes to the team of children)

Children: Yay!

(Scene backs out and Scoop lands and gets destroyed)

Scoop: Can you fix me, Bob?

(Scene goes to Bob the Builder)

Bob the Builder: Scoop, I've got three words for you:

(Andrew W.K. pops up in front of Bob the Builder)

Andrew W.K.: DESTROY BUILD DESTROY!

Bob the Builder: Wait! I was gonna say, (Scene goes to the team of children getting some parts from destroyed Scoop while Bob the Builder comes from the background) Yes, we can! Yes, we can!

(Scene goes to Bob the Builder)

Bob the Builder: Yes, we can! Oh, Lofty, we have to save Scoop! (Lofty isn't there) Lofty?

(Scene goes to Lofty in an area full of TNT)

Lofty: This parking lot is bumpy...

Bob the Builder: Oh, no, Lofty! Don't move! (Scene zooms in on Bob the Builder) Let me sit for a second and figure this out.

(Bob the Builder sits on the TNT puller causing a boom and explodes Lofty leaving his parts flying and landing making a clatter sound in the background)

Bob the Builder: Note to self, never sit.

(Andrew W.K. comes from the left side)

Andrew W.K.: Hey, Bob, you're welcome to play, man, but you gotta pick a team first! Red or Blue? (Andrew W.K. appears upside down wearing a white shirt) Shirts or (Andrew W.K. appears wearing no shirt on the right side right-side up) skins? (Andrew W.K. appears on the left side with no shirt and zooms in on his body) Innie or (Andrew W.K.'s belly button pops out) outie?

(Scene goes to Bob the Builder)

Bob the Builder: How about Nice Person or Jerk?

(Scene backs out showing Andrew W.K. talking into a bullhorn while Bob the Builder covers his ears)

Andrew W.K.: All right, teams! Time for you to turn those broken heaps of garbage into catapults!

Bob the Builder: Do you have to yell everything?!

Andrew W.K.: No! I can also do this!

(A lightning hits Andrew W.K.'s bullhorn and turns it into a guitar and he starts to play rock music)

(The scene goes to kids gathering parts from destroyed Lofty and Scoop and turns it into something else while Andrew W.K. still plays rock music with his guitar)

(Rock Music ends when the teams finish their machines and looks likes both a mixture of Lofty and Scoop with parts in different places)

Right Lofty + Scoop Machine (which is actually Lofty): I feel weird.

(Scene goes to Bob the Builder and Andrew W.K.)

Bob the Builder: What have you done to them?!

Andrew W.K.: It's all right, Bob. It's all for a good cause.

Bob the Builder: Like what?

Andrew W.K.: Like seeing who can shoot a watermelon (Scene goes to loaders carrying watermelons) further!

(Scene goes to the some children)

Children: 3, (Scene goes to other team of children) 2, (Scene goes to Bob the Builder and Gallagher with a large wooden mallet) 1!

(Both mixed up Lofty + Scoop machines throw the watermelons)

(Scene goes to Bob the Builder and Andrew W.K. and one of the watermelons hit Bob the Builder)

Bob the Builder: Ooh!

Andrew W.K.: And the winner is...me! For getting this show on the air in the first place. Now, destroy them again!

(Scene goes to Bob the Builder with watermelon parts over him)

Bob the Builder: Again?! This show is incoherent!

(Group of children walks over Bob the Builder cheering happily)

Children: Yay!

(Bob the Builder gets up)

Bob the Builder: Wait! This time, I'll put them back together.

(Andrew W.K. comes in from the right side)

Andrew W.K.: That's the spirit, Bob.

(Scene zooms in a little on Bob the builder)

Bob the Builder: Ready to form... Buildtron!

(Bob the Builder talks while he forms Buildtron. Also, the background is moving up fast)

Bob the Builder: Form arms and legs, and I'll form the head! (Buildtron gets finished) Watch, learn, and watch, children!

(Scene goes to Andrew W.K.)

Andrew W.K.: Isn't that repetitive? Oh, wait, I get it, because-

(Buildtron grabs Andrew W.K. by the legs)

Andrew W.K.: What--? Oh! Aah! Aah!

(Build Tron puts Andrew W.K. somewhere else and scene goes to the children)

Children: Destroy, Andrew W.K., destroy!

(Build Tron keeps smashing Andrew W.K. into an Andrew W.K. billboard)

Andrew W.K.: Oh! Oh! Ow! Ow! Oh! Oh...Ohh!