How Spider-Man: Far From Home Should Have Ended

Open with Tony making E.D.I.T.H. sometime before Infinity War in case he dies and passes his legacy onto Spider-Man.

Tony: Okay, finally done equipping my glasses with access to all my state of the art technology for Peter in case I die. (gets a paper and a pencil) Now to just write some vague instructions to turn them on, and give them to Nick Fury, who will hopefully just hand them over to Peter one day.

Scientist 3 from Previous Spider-Man HISHE's: Here's a bright idea. How about you DON'T give military grade death drone controlling 80's glasses to an easily influenced hormonal teenager just because he has a foxy aunt?

Tony: Oh dang, you're right! (gives them to Rhodey) Here you go, Rhodey!

Cue MCU-inspired HISHE logo which plays to a similar song to  'I Will Always Love You' by Whitney Houston, which gets disillusioned by Stark Industries Combat Drones.

♪And I...♪ ♪Will try not to forget you♪ ♪OooooOOooooooo♪ ♪But come on let's be realistic♪ ♪Things change after time♪ ♪Oh yeah♪ ♪Oh, but you were the best...♪ ♪When you were around♪

A HISHE Written By The Fans

We begin with Midtown School's news show with Betty Brant and Jason Ionello

Betty Brant: Gone. But not forgotten. Five years ago, half of the world blipped out of existence, (picture shows the Avengers) but thanks to the acts of these mighty heroes, those who blipped away were saved.

Jason Ionello: Well, everyone who wasn't on an airplane, (scene shows every victim of the Snap who was on a plane falls and scream) Or on a boat, (scene shows every victim of the Snap who was on a boat scream as they fall into the sea) Or people in high traffic areas.

Betty Brant: Okay, I think they get it!

Fast forward to Peter talking to Mysterio.

Peter: It's really nice to have someone to talk to about this superhero stuff.

Mysterio: Anytime.

Peter: Thanks (tries to shoulder touch him but it goes through) What the?!

Mysterio: Uh oh!

Peter: Why are you a ghost?

Mysterio: Whelp! Gotta go! (leaves upward) Byeeeeeee!

Fast Foward to the Attack on the Prague Carnival where Mysterio holds off Molten Man.

Mysterio: You're up kid!

Spider-Man: (holding a fire hose and wearing a fireman hat like TASM 2) Alright, Fire, try this on for size! (sprays him but the water goes through him) What the heck? What is happening here?

Molten Man: Whelp! Gotta go! (leaves upward) Byeeeeeeeee!

In the base, Talos and Soren, who are impersonating Fury and Hill at the time, oversee the battle.

Talos: Now that is some bull crap.

Soren: Fury wouldn't say "crap".

Talos: Dang it girl! You're gonna give me away!

Fast forward to the Battle of London where Spider-Man in his newest suit, runs out of webs.

Spider-Man: Oh man, I'm out of webs! I really wish their was a multiverse.

Tobey Maguire shows up.

Tobey Maguire: Well, lucky for you, there is!

Spider-Man: What? Who are you?!

Tobey Maguire: We call it the Spider-Verse, but yeah, the multiverse is totally a thing. Hey. I'm Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: Whoa!

Andrew Garfield shows up.

Andrew Garfield: And I'm the Amazing Spider-Man!

Spider-Man: Awesome! What makes you so amazing?

Andrew Garfield: I... I can ride a skateboard.

Spider-Man: Okay.

Miles Morales, Peter B. Parker, Spider-Gwen, Spider-Man Noir, Peni Parker, Sp//dr, and Spider-Ham from Into The Spider-Verse show up.

Spider-Ham: And we're all here too!

Miles: Hey.

Spider-Man: Awesome! Let's do this! (leaves then comes back) Does anyone have extra webs?

Cue epic fight with every Spider-People there are against Mysterio's drones.

Spider-Man: Whoohoo! Bam!

Peter B. Parker: Ha ha!

Spider-Gwen: What's up drone? (kicks drone)

Spider-Ham: This little piggy went SMASH! (smashes drone with hammer)

Random Text: SMASH!

Peni: (speaks Japanese)

Spider-Man Noir: (fires gun at drones) Pew pew pew!

Miles: You ever hear of the shoulder touch?! (electrifies drone)

Tobey Maguire: Yoohooo! (upside-down kisses drone and drone blushes)

Andrew Garfield: (destroys the drone with a skateboard) Kablamo!

Later, we see Mysterio "dead" from his injuries. All the Spider-People watch.

Spider-Man: E.D.I.T.H, is this real?

E.D.I.T.H.: All illusions are terminated, Peter.

Peter B. Parker: Are we sure about that?

Spider-Ham: I say we poke him with a stick! (does so)

Mysterio: Ow! Stop! I'm dead.

Tobey Maguire: Yeah, he's not dead.

Spider-Man: Dang it, E.D.I.T.H.!

Fast Forward to the drone outside Talos' window.

Talos: You got me?

Soren: I got you. (fires at the drone destroying it)

Talos: Holy crap! That was close! Well, at least I didn't die. (more drones head to the window; Talos turns back) Oh no, there's more! (screams in agony as he's shot to death)

Fast Forward to Peter retrieving the glasses back.

Spider-Man: E.D.I.T.H., terminate all the drones!

E.D.I.T.H.: I'm sorry. I can't do that, Peter.

Spider-Man: What? Why?

E.D.I.T.H.: You have not been granted control from Quentin Beck.

Mysterio: Sorry, pal.

Spider-Man: Oh my gosh! (screams in agony as he's shot to death)

Cut to later at the Villain Pub where Mysterio is revived and finishes his story.

Mysterio: So the drones got him, which was kind of sad. But now l can continue to manipulate the masses. Because I'm a master illusionist.

Loki (2012): Oh, you think you're a master of illusions? Ha ha ha. Don't make me laugh. You're a rip off of Syndrome at best.

Syndrome: Exactly! Hey, Bubble Boy! Why don't you take a seat next to the Mandarin over there, and come back when you're done copying me!

Mysterio: I'm not copying you! If anything, you copied me!

Syndrome: You wish!

Mysterio: You guys are just jealous because everyone finds me most attractive.

Everyone laughs.

Voldemort: That's not true.

Zod: Yeah, what about Killmonger. I mean me!

Voldemort: I am obviously the most attractive.

Palpatine: EVERYBODY SHUT UP! I'm preparing for my return. (he will appear in The Rise of Skywalker)

Joker: I wish I could quit you.

But this is how it really should have ended...

We see Peter talking to Mysterio in a "public bar" giving E.D.I.T.H. over to Mysterio.

Spider-Man: E.D.I.T.H.?

E.D.I.T.H.: Yes, Peter?

Spider-Man: I'd like to transfer control to Quentin Beck.

E.D.I.T.H.: Quentin Beck: Former Stark employee.

Spider-Man: What?

E.D.I.T.H.: Developed hologram projection technology. And was fired for being unstable.

Spider-Man: Are you serious?

E.D.I.T.H: Multiple hologram drones detected. (zooms in of William Ginter Riva) Former Stark employee.

Mysterio: Is there something wrong?

E.D.l.T.H: Do you still wish to transfer control, Peter?

Spider-Man: No! Cancel that request, E.D.I.T.H.!

Mysterio: Give me those glasses!

Spider-Man: Hey, do you have super strength? Because I do! (webs at a drone)

Mysterio: My drones! (Spider-Man fires a web at William) My guy! (Spider-Man fires another web) My plan!

Cut to later in The Super Cafe. Superman and Batman stare at Spider-Man

Spider-Man: After that, Nick Fury took Mysterio and his gang away, I made out with MJ for a bit, told her my secret identity.

Superman & Batman: WHAT?!

Superman: DUDE!

Batman: You can't give away your secret identity!

E.D.I.T.H.: Peter, Tony would want you to say "Well I did and I'm awesome, so in your face.".

Spider-Man: Not now, E.D.I.T.H. (to Superman and Batman) What's the big deal? l thought you tell girls your secret identity all the time.

Batman: Of course I do! Do you know why? Because I'm an adult, and I can handle it. You're just a kid.

Michelle: He didn't tell me. It was actually pretty obvious. Honestly, I'm embarrassed the whole class hasn't figured it out by now. You're like, always missing when Spider-Man is around, and you both sound exactly the same.

Spider-Man: That's, not obvious! We don't sound the same.

Batman: Does anyone else know your secret identity?

Spider-Man: not really, just a few people like, Aunt May, and Ned, and Happy, and Nick Fury, and Maria Hill, and Doctor Strange, and well, actually all of the Avengers know, but they're all good guys!

Superman: And that's it?

Spider-Man; I guess I, I did tell Mysterio, my name, and I hung out with him in what I thought was a public bar, without my mask on.

Michelle: I'm pretty sure the Vulture knows your name too, (whispers) and he's still alive.

Spider-Man: (laughs nervously)

Superman: Yeah, you're screwed.

Spider-Man: No, you guys are being paranoid. I've got this under control.

Cut to the mid credits scene where Spider-Man's identity is exposed to the world.

J. Jonah Jameson: But that's not all, folks. Here's the real blockbuster. Brace yourselves, you might wanna sit down.

Mysterio: Spider-Man's real name is... (shorts out)

Spider-Man: (gasps and put E.D.I.T.H on) E.D.I.T.H, disrupt this transmission!

E.D.I.T.H: Of course, Peter

Mysterio: Spider-Man's name is...

Hacking voice: JJ Jameson

J. Jonah Jameson: What?! That's not true! I'm JJ Jameson. I'm not Spider-Man! Spider-Man is...

Hacking Voice: Being framed by Mysterio!

J. Jonah Jameson: What is happening, people?! Look, her'es his photo! The real Spider-Man is...

Hacking Voice: Innocent! And a true hero.

J. Jonah Jameson: You are all fired!

Spider-Man: Whew!

Cue title as the credits roll. Cut back to The Super Cafe. Batman and Superman are revealed to be Skrulls  in disguise. A Skrull contacts the real Batman and Superman, who are on a ship crewed by Skrulls.

Batman: Hey, What's up?

Skrull: Hey, just calling to check in. So, I think it went well. They don't seem to suspect anything.

Batman: Did you say "Because I'm Batman"?

Skrull: No.

Batman: You gotta say "Because I'm Batman".

Skrull: Why?

Batman: Because I'm Batman!

Skrull: I'm sorry! The opportunity didn't really present itself.

Batman: I seriously doubt that.

Skrull: Well, l don't know what to do. They're all gone now.

Batman: Just don't forget next time! Ugh! (hangs up and sighs) Do you think we should head back?\

Superman: No! They got this.

Batman: You don't think that will create confusion? Make people question who's real or not?

Superman: No.

Batman: Or how long they've been Skrulls?

Superman: No.

Batman: You don't thing sedning Skrulls in our stead makes it look like we didn't care about helping Spider-Man deal with his problems back on Earth?

Nick Fury: YOU GUYS ARE RUINING MY SPACE VACATION!!!!

Batman: WHERE THE HECK ARE THE AVENGERS?!!!