Over Phil

Scene I: Chimpanzee Habitat
''Fade in to the Chimpanzee Habitat. Phil is lounging on a tire swing eating a banana. Mason walks by with a napkin and silverware, humming. He slips and falls on a banana peel. Mason looks up angrily at Phil, who throws a banana peel down on the ground.''

Mason: (angry) Phil.

''Phil just formally waves to him. Later, Mason is seen cleaning out the tire swing. He finds a melon rind with flies buzzing around it. He cringes in disgust. Phil pops up all of a sudden, eats the fruit rind and smiles, showing the fruit.''

Mason: (angrier) Phil...

''Later, Mason is painting on three easels. One is a mona Lisa painting with a chimpanzee's head, another one is an abstract monkey about to throw a banana, and the third is a pop art design of a chimp's face. He finishes up.''

Mason: Ah, lovely.

''Food scraps gets splattered onto the paintings. Mason turns behind him to find Phil eating from the garbage cans. Phil throws a popcorn bag at Mason.''

Mason: (really angrily) Phil!!

Much later, Mason and Private are having tea.

Mason: Ah, Private. So good of you to join me for tea. (taking a platter of sugar cubes) One lump or two?

Private: One, please.

''Mason gets hit with a beach ball, making him drop the tray. The two look up. We see that the gorillas, Joey, and Phil are playing basketball.''

Bada: Yo. Little help?

Private takes the beach ball.

Private: Here you go, fellas.

''Private tosses the ball. It goes through the tire serving as a hoop. Bing catches the ball.''

Bing: (impressed) From downtown!

Joey and Phil jump down.

Joey: I call the little bird for our team.

Bada: No, no, no. We get the little bird.

Bing: You can have Sir Tea Time Fancy Pants.

''Phil shakes his head as he signs to the group. Mason approaches them.''

Mason: First of all, I do not wear pants. Fancy or otherwise. Second of all, I am not interested in playing your idiotic game. Third of all, (falls to the ground begging) how could you not want me on your team?

Bada: Probably 'cause he figures you stink.

''Last straw for Mason. He loses his cool.''

Mason: Ohhhh, I'm not the one who stinks! I suggest you point your nose in the direction of the simian who roots through trash and wallows in filth all day long! That, sir, is who stinks!!

Bing (aside to Bada): I think he's talkin' about you.

Mason: I am talking about Phil!!

''Phil, who's eating a banana, smells his armpit and shrugs, indifferent. Private approaches an angry Mason.''

Private: Uh, Mason? Perhaps you need a moment?

Mason: (angry) Yes. Perhaps I do.

''They both walk away. Phil catches the ball and drops the banana peel near Mason. Mason slips and falls. He stands up abruptly.''

Mason: (extremely angry) Ooh, that does it!!!

He goes up to Phil.

Mason: Phil, I refuse to clean up after you from henceforth!

''Mason leaves, but slips on the banana peel again. He takes the banana peel and throws it on the ground at Phil's feet. He storms out.''

Scene II: Penguin HQ
''Rico is preparing sushi for him and the penguins. He slices the fish and tosses it in the air. Pieces of sushi fall on the table. Rico throws the knives away. The penguins clap, and then dig in.''

Skipper: Mmm! Something feels...odd. Kowalski, analysis.

''Kowalski takes a magnifying glass and looks around the area. He finds Mason.''

Kowalski: Skipper, if my calculations are correct, we have a guest.

Mason feels the table.

Mason: Oh, you really should sanitize your work surface.

Skipper goes to the other end of the table.

Skipper: Private. Shields up.

Both raise their flippers.

Skipper: What in peeled potatoes is goin' on?

Private: Mason kind of wigged out...a little.

Skipper: Wigged out? How?

''Private points to Mason. Mason cleans a section of the table. Rico licks it.''

Skipper: Stuff happens. So why is he here?

Private: Well, Phil's a bit of a slobby bobby. And it's getting to Mason if you know what I mean.

Kowalski comes up to the two, his flipper up.

Kowalski: Hmm. So you think the chimp has been pushed from ordinary neatnick to compulsive cuckoo bird.

Private: Yes! That's it!

Kowalski: Perhaps a short stay here would be just the break he needs.

Private: Wow! That's exactly what I was thinking!

Skipper: Shields down.

They lower their flippers, Mason having heard them from offscreen.

Mason: I heard every word of that.

Skipper: (raises his flippers) Can you...hear me now?

Mason: Clear as crystal.

Skipper: Really? (turns away) How 'bout now?

Mason: Yes.

Skipper: (bends down) How 'bout now?

Mason: Yes.

Skipper: (goes offscreen) How 'bout now?

Mason: Yes.

Skipper: (jumps onto Mason's head) How 'bout now?

Mason: (Skipper slides off him) Yes.

Skipper: (with his rear showing) How 'bout now?

Mason: Yes. Like a bell.

Skipper looks at his flippers, then lowers them.

Skipper: Well, you're in luck, simian neighbor. You're catching us on cleaning day.

Mason: Did...you say "cleaning day"?

''Mason gets out a mop and bucket. He begins cleaning, but Skipper stops him.''

Skipper: Please. Leave this to the pros. For your own safety, step back.

Mason lifts up the mop.

Scene III: Operation: Squeaky Clean
Kowalski puts the bucket down on the floor.

Kowalski: Preparing to launch Operation: Squeaky Clean.

Skipper: Launch!

''The penguins begin wiping, dusting, and cleaning aspects of their home, even their windows. Kowalski kicks a bucket and they wax the floor using brushes as skates. Skipper stops next to Mason. Private, with a sweatband on his head, begins dancing. He performs some disco moves, confusing Mason and the penguins.''

Skipper: Pirate!

Private stops dancing.

Private: Sorry.

''He takes off his sweatband and uses it as a slingshot. It hits Skipper's head and bounces off him. Private gives off a small giggle. Mason looks around at the now clean habitat. The penguins' TV set shows a graphic title, "Sparkling Clean". The penguins gather around Mason''

Rico: (takes the cover off) Ta-Daa!!

Mason: How could I have not known that paradise was but a habitat away?

Private: So that must've been a pleasant change of pace, eh, Mason?

Skipper: You've got to just kick back and relax and leave the cleaning to us.

Mason feels the floors.

Mason: (amazed) Wonderful!

Kowalski: May we surmise that you are now rested and ready...

Mason: To move in here? Brilliant!

Kowalski: Uh, I was going to say to move back into your own habitat.

He madly admires the area.

Private: (distraught) This is terrible! Mason and Phil are best friends. They belong together.

Skipper: Gentlemen, Mason is a clean freak and Phil is a disgusting slob. They're Yin and Yang!

Mason now sniffs two forks. Private: Maybe we need to just get them back together and then they'll realize how much they need each other.

Kowalski: Hmm. Sounds like a plan.

Rico: Plan.

Skipper: Get on it, Private.

Private: Me?

Skipper: Hey, you're the one he followed home.

Private: (sighs and walks) Roger that, Skipper.

Scene IV: Chimpanzee Habitat
''Private pushes Mason to the messy chimpanzee habitat. Piles of banana peels are everywhere.''

Private: At least talk to him.

Mason: Fine. But I really don't see the point.

''The two get to Phil who is lounging on a pile of banana peels. Phil, a bit annoyed, signs to him.''

Mason: Yes, hello to you as well, Phil. I, er, believe an apology is in order.

''Phil signs to him. Mason looks at Private a bit shocked, then at Phil, rather angry.''

Mason: (angry)Wh- What do you mean I don't have to apologize?

Phil signs to him again.

Mason: For being BOSSY?! YOU are the one who should be apologizing (Phil does a "blah, blah, blah" gesture) for you infinitely inconsiderate-!

''Phil throws a banana peel at Mason. Private gets out of the way. Mason ducks as the banana peel hits the tree.''

Mason: Hey! That is exactly what I am talking about! (Phil gives a blank stare) Good day, sir!

Mason storms off again.

Private: (realizing things are worse than he thought) Oh, dear...

Scene V: Penguin HQ
''Mason and Phil are back in the HQ. Private has a clipboard.''

Private: I think a wonderful way to begin would be to say something positive.

Mason: I am positive that Phil is disgusting, inconsiderate, and selfish.

Phil signs to Mason

Skipper: (to Kowalski) What did he say?

Kowalski: No idea.

Mason: "Go pound bananas"?!

Rico: Oooooooh...

Kowalski: Tell it like it is, primate!

Skipper: You go!

Private: Let's try some role-playing. Pretend I am Phil.

Mason: Well, it's a bit of a reach but very well.

Private: Now, pretend I've just made a mess.

Mason: Oh Phil. Another mess, which I must clean up now.

Julien: (appears from the hole) No, no, that is all wrong.

Julien pushes Mason out of the way.

Julien: Ooh! Ooh! I sure do like a tire swing. Ooh!

Skipper: It's uncanny.

Kowalski: I know...

Private: Oh, do me, do me.

Julien: Okay, okay. Ooh! Ooh! I sure do like stinky fish. Ooh!

Mason: (upset) None of this is helping!

LaterItalic text Skipper is now stirring his coffee with a fish. Mason: Skipper, let me assure you that I will be a valuable addition to your team. Skipper: (curious) You got commando skills? Mason: Better: I have cleaning skills. Skipper: Well, you're wasting your time here. We run a sanitary operation. ''As Skipper eats the fish, a small droplet of his coffee jumps out. Mason eagerly sees the droplet land on the floor.