Loose Tooth

Mr. Pickles: Season: 1 Episode: 6 [incomplete]

Man: [Hums pleasantly] Ah! Hmm. What a nice day. [Chuckles] Ugh! Litterers. Despicable! Huh. Enjoying that lollypop, Timmy?

Timmy: Do you know where my parents are?

Man: Yeah, they're in that van over there. [Horror music plays] Come on, I’ll take you to 'em.

Mr. Pickles: [Barks]

Man: Hey!

Timmy: Mom! Dad!

Timmy’s mom: This way!

Man: Hey, those treats are for little kids, not do- [Mr. Pickles jammed in his eye] AAH!

Tommy Goodman: Mr. Pickles!

Man: Ow! My eye!

[Opening]

Tommy: [Gasps] My tooth is loose!

Beverly Goodman: Aww.

Grandpa: Well, after it falls out, if you put that tooth under your pillow before you sleep, you’ll get a visit from the tooth fairy.

Tommy: [Gasps] Really?! Do you get to see her when you take your teeth out?

Grandpa: Um, uh, I don’t

Stanley Goodman: Go bite into an apple from the yard. That’s how I lost my first tooth.

Tommy: Oh, okay! [Panting]

Stanley: [Chuckles] [Whir!] Huh?

Grandpa: I don’t take my dentures out because, when I did, Mr. Pickles would put a bird with a doll’s head sewn onto it under my pillow! Then the bird would poop a pentagram onto my chest.

Mr. Pickles: [Panting]

Stanley: Hmm.

Tommy: There’s no more apples. There’s no more garden!

Beverly: That’s because I juiced it all.

Stanley: A new juicer? But I need a new starter for my truck.

Beverly: Oh, just drink your breakfast.

Stanley: [Groans]

Tommy: Come on, Mr. Pickles! Let’s go lose my tooth!

Mr. Pickles: [Barks]

Grandpa: What?! Hey!

Tommy: Hi, guys. I’m looking for an apple tree.

Mr. Bojenkins: You be careful, Tommy. You feel me?

Tommy: Sure! I feel you.

Mr. Bojenkins: What? No!

Sheriff: And if one of these men tries to feel ya, you tell him to come by my jail. [Clicks tongue] [Crows cawing, pastoral music plays]

Tommy: Maybe this apple will pull my tooth out! [Chomp!] Nope. - Hey! - Tommy: Huh? Who’s stealing my apples?! [Crows cawing] Aah! Crows! Aah! Scarecrow! Your whole point of existence is to scare those crows, and you look so friendly and comfortable with them! Tommy: Hi. I was eating your apples so I - could lose my tooth. - Huh?! What are you, crazy?! That’s never gonna work! You got to use a gun! Tommy: Okay. [Animals calling] [Retches] [Hoarsely] Well, hey, Mrs. Goodman. Beverly: Linda. Got some premium-grade meats today. Eats real good. [Coughs, snorts] Beverly: Uh Have some juice. It’s made from fruits and vegetables. Huh’s and whatables? [Grunts, sniffs] Beverly: Dad, why are you wearing a helmet? Grandpa: So Mr. Pickles doesn’t steal my dentures, of course. Beverly: Ohh. Whoa! [Slurps] Them huh’s and whatables got me feelin’ good! - Beverly: Oh, great, Linda. - Wo-o-w! Juice me again! Beverly: I’m afraid we’re out of fruits and vegetables. Oh, I could get some, but you gotta drive! Sorry, Stanley’s truck won’t start. - No! - Tommy: Okay! I’m ready! Aah! [Bullet ricochets] - Tommy: Aw! - No wonder that scarecrow’s so useless. He can’t even keep his eyebrows on. Oh, I can’t take it anymore! [Gags] Tommy: Aw, now I’ll never get - to see the tooth fairy! - Huh?! - The tooth fairy’s not even real! - Tommy: But my grandpa told me Your grandpa’s a liar! - Tommy: But - Liar! Why is the world so full of liars?! [Gags] Mr. Pickles: [Babbles demonically] [Crows caw fearfully] [Crows cawing] Aah! Grandpa: [Humming] Aah! [Crows cawing] Hey! Ohh! [Muffled] My dentures! [Screams] Beverly: Ugh. [Grunting crazily] Beverly: Linda, what are you doing? [Screams] Now let’s get some flutes and ventricles! - Beverly: Fruits and vegetables. - That’s what I said! Now let’s go! [Toilet flushes] - Ooh. - Stanley: Uh, hey, Dan. - How’s it going? - Well well g-g-g-g-g - w-w-w - Stanley: Well, tell me later, all right? I really have to use the restroom. B-but my wife m-my wife Stanley: My wife gave me juice this morning. I really got to [Stammering] Stanley: Uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh. [Grunts] Gotta go. Huh? A lock. New policy, Goodman. You gotta pay to pee. [Coins jingle] Stanley: What? I’m not gonna pay to pee. [Stammering intensely] [Distinctly] You’ve got to pay to pee now. [Laughter] Yeah. [Laughs] Tommy: My grandpa’s a liar. The tooth fairy’s not even real. Uh, why, of course the tooth fairy’s real. Tommy: Well, I want to see her! Uh, well, uh, she only lets adults see her. Tommy: So if I look like an adult, would I be able to see her? Uh, I guess so. Tommy: Come on, Mr. Pickles! Let’s go trick the tooth fairy! Mr. Pickles: [Barks] Stanley: Hold on, hold on, hold on. [Groans] Oh, my God! I got to pee! Pee, pee, pee, pee, pee, pee. [Gasps] Great. [Bell jingles] - Ooh! Scuse me! - Can you believe they still make sucker wrappers that aren’t biodegradable? - So bad for the environment. - But so good for molesting children. Oh, they’re great. - Huh? - Gotcha! Everybody out! This is a crime scene now. Stanley: Ohh. Beverly: Linda, why are we stopping here? Ohh! - Drive! - Hey! - Beverly: Oh! - Who’s stealing my apples?! Ohh! Scarecrow! Where did your clothes and eyebrow go?! Tommy: Now I look like an adult, so I’ll be able to see - the tooth fairy! - Help! That man with the mustache is a pedophile! Ohh! Hey, watch where you’re going, sir! Tommy: Huh? - Oh, candy! - Freeze, pedophile! - Tommy: But - Zip it. Now get in the back with the rest of the pedophiles. Aah! [Imitating siren] Mr. Pickles: [Barks, whines] - Ohh, this is terrible! - Together: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. We got to do something about the ozone layer. - Together: Mm-hmm. - Tommy: Uh, I don’t belong here. I’m just a little boy. [All gasp] You guys thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’? Together: Yeah. Ohhhhhh, yeah. If we shave our mustaches, the sheriff will think we’re just little kids. Tommy! What are you little kids doing sneaking in here? Out ya go. Now, you kids be safe. There’s some pedophiles around here somewhere. [Grunting] - You sure this’ll work? - Female deer pee attracts male deer. [High-pitched] Should work the same with little boys and pedophiles, sheriff. Huh. Where did you get this anyway? [Rustling] Uh, shh! Someone’s coming. Stanley: Oh, finally! Oh. Ahh! Hold it right there! Mr. Goodman! You got your man pee all over my little-boy pee! - Stanley: What? - Get outta here! - Stanley: Ai! - Here, have some candy. Tommy: Oh, thanks! [Chomp!] My tooth! But now I can’t trick the tooth fairy. [Singsong voice] Well, we know where she lives. [Suspenseful music plays] [Tires squeal] Mr. Pickles: [Whines, barks] [Crows cawing] [Muffled] Hey! My dentures! [Engine running] Beverly: Ohh. Well, Linda, we might as well make some j - That’s all the juice! - Beverly: What?! [Laughs crazily] - We gotta get some more! - Beverly: No, we are definitely not [Screams] [Laughs crazily] Hey! - Beverly: Aah! - Darn it! [Gags] Hey! Where did that scarecrow go?! [Laughing crazily] Beverly: Oh! Huh? Beverly: It’s for your own good, Linda. [Grunts] Nooooooooooo! Beverly: Oh! Linda! Mr. Pickles: [Panting] [Lullaby plays] Now go to sleep, and the - tooth fairy will come. - Tommy: How will I know she was here? Because she’ll leave money under your pillow. Tommy: Oh. And that must be why you’re videotaping, so I can see her later. Yeah. Sure. - Tommy: Oh, boy! - Say, you tired yet? Tommy: Nope. Wide awake. [Suspenseful music plays] - All right. Pay up. - Sorry. I’m tapped. No, no. Go recycle bottles. I need to see some money under this pillow. Imagine how traumatized this kid will be if he thinks the tooth fairy never came. I mean, what kind of people are we, Lenny? - Can’t I just pay you back? - Sure. - Now, who gets to go first? - Together: Oh, me, me, me, me. Huh? Mr. Pickles: [Panting] Grandpa: [Muffled] My dentures! [Crows cawing] Mr. Pickles: [Barks] [Hot jazz plays] Grandpa: Mr. Pickles! - Aah! - Grandpa: Oh! [Cries] [Screams] - Grandpa: What the - Aah! [Screaming] Grandpa: Ohh! Mr. Pickles: [Barks] [Music continues] [Tires screech]

Grandpa: You’ve got to help me. That’s not my blood! That dog, he’s juicing up bodies! You won’t get away with this! [Music ends]

Sheriff: ♪I’m just a little boy, sha-la-la-la, la-la. I’m all alone, so I hope nobody pedophiles me…♪

Grandpa: Sheriff! There were men in a white van out in the woods a

Sheriff: Shwa! Sounds like the perfect setup - for some pedophiles.

Grandpa: What? No! Mr. Pickles juiced their bodies and sold their blood!

Sheriff: Huh?

[Horror music plays]

Grandpa: There’s Mr. Pickles and the money!

Mr.Pickles: [Barks] Grandpa: Wait! Tommy? Tommy: [Sighs] Huh? The tooth fairy came! - Grandpa: Wha - Which is it Did Mr. Pickles juice some people to sell their blood Grandpa: [Grunts] [Sweetly]Or was it the - tooth fairy? - Grandpa: Ohh, I - Ohh, it was the tooth fairy. - Huh?! - The tooth fairy’s real?! - Tommy: Yeah! See? It’s the tooth fairy! Hurray! Hurray! - Grandpa: Ohh! - Tommy: Sheriff, you look funny. [Laughs] Don’t I look like a little boy? Tommy: Not with that mustache.

Sheriff: Mustache? [after shaving his mustache] ♪I’m just a little boy, sha-la-la-la, la-la♪

Pedophile: [blinded] Gotcha. Sheriff: Gotcha! Pedophile: Huh?

Stanley: Aah! I gotta pee! I gotta pee! I gotta pee! Gotta pee! Gotta pee! Hi, dear. Hello. - Beverly: Honey. - Stanley: Hi. Gotta pee. Beverly: But there’s something we need to tell you - about your truck. - Stanley: I don’t care. - Sell the truck. - Beverly: Tommy got your truck fixed. Stanley: Wha? I gotta Tommy: I got a visit from the tooth fairy! Stanley: Uh-huh. That’s great. Okay. Tommy: Dad, I saw her! Right, grandpa? - Stanley: Oh, my God! - Grandpa: [Hesitantly] Yes. Beverly: Dad, you lost your dentures again? How are you gonna eat your dinner? Mr. Pickles: [Barks] Beverly: Mr. Pickles found the juicer. Tommy: Good boy, Mr. Pi Liquid running] Stanley: [Moaning] Beverly: Stanley! Grandpa: Hey! [Horror music plays] [Crickets chirping] Huh? [Crows cawing] No! - No! - Aah! The scarecrow is alive! [Gags] [Crows cawing] [Squirt!] Grandpa: Aah! Aah!