Sitting Bull

''[Luan & Luna’s room. The two sisters are doing their normal things until Lori comes in.]'' Lori: "Hey, are either of you guys free for a babysitting job tonight? Mrs. McCauley just called and I can't do it, I'm sitting for the Dunscombes." Luna: "Sorry, dude. I got the Katzes tonight. [picks up drum] I'm gonna teach Jamie and Sydney how to do a drum circle." Luan: "I'm sitting for the Santinis. I've got some great comedy props in case little Mary gets a ouchie." [hits herself with her hammer prop which she then faints.] Leni: [laughs and claps] "Thanks, Luan, that makes me feel much better about my ouchie." [shows Leni's feet with a bandage on one of her toes.] Lori: "Hey, Leni, can you sit for the McCauleys tonight?" Leni: "Sorry, I can't. I'm sitting for the Lewises. I'm giving Tia and Salome makeovers, they're one and two, it's time." Lori: "Hmm, okay. I guess I'll have to tell the McCauleys no one's free." Leni: "What about Lynn? She's 13, that's when we all started taking babysitting jobs." Luna: "I don't know, dude. She's not exactly the nurturing type." Luan: "And we don't want to blow our reputation as Royal Woods' best babysitters." Lori: "Well, that is true. But you guys, it's only fair that we give Lynn a chance." ''[Lynn, in the meantime, is in the backyard, tire swinging like a gorilla. The twins are rolling along in Lola's car, and Lynn hangs upside down in their path, causing them to scream, swerve, and crash.]'' Lola: "Ow! Watch it you clod." Lana: "Know how long it's gonna take me to bump out this hood?!" Lynn: "Sorry guys, apology punches!" [Punches the twins] Lana: "Ow!" Lola: "Ow!" ''[Lynn goes back to her swinging. Lily is innocently walking along, not seeing Lynn. Charles sees this, and quickly dives at her and end up in a fight circle which Lily wins. All the while, the older sisters watch all of this, shocked.]'' Luan: "Still want to give her a chance?" [They then look over to Lincoln, who is in a sunbathing chair reading comics, and they go over to him.] Lori: [in a quiet tone] "Hey, Lincoln, how would you like your first real babysitting job?" Lincoln: [suddenly interested] "Babysitting? Like for money? I'm in." Lynn: [hearing this] "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't give a babysitting job to Stinkin'! I'm next in line." [She hops out of the tire swing and lands right next to them.] Lori: "But Lynn, let's face it, you're not exactly the nurturing type." Lynn: "What now? I can nurture all day long." [Right then, Lisa comes out the backyard, carrying a jar of strange liquid.] "Kids love me." [notices Lisa's presence and grabs her in a playful noogie.] "Right, Lis?" Lisa: [slightly irritated by this] "If it'll get you to stop bruising my cranium, I'll gladly respond in the affarmative." Lynn: [drops Lisa] "See? That's a yes." [Lisa notices her experiment is on the loose and chases after it in a panic.] "Come on you guys, fair is fair. I want some of that sweet babysitting moolah too." ''[The girls look at each other for a second. Later, Lynn is at the McCauley residence and their parents drive off.]'' "Bye, Mr and Mrs. McCauley! Don't worry, they're in good hands." [to the McCauley siblings] "So, what do you guys want to do?" Caleb: "Play with my science kit!" Camille: "Play with my dress-up sticker books." Lynn: [imitates a buzzer] "Sounds lame-o. Come on, I'll show you guys how to have some real fun." [Suddenly, the three are in a makeshift wrestling ring, wearing Lucha Libre masks, the McCauley kids are scared.] "Alright, when I blow the whistle, you guys run to the center of the ring, and wrestle." [Blows the whistle, and the kids walk to the center of the ring, and hug.] "Guys, Lucha Libre is a contact sport. This time, Caleb, you bounce off the ropes and come back at Camille with an angry possum! Like so. [has Caleb bounce off the ropes but he ends up getting tangled on the other side of them.] Caleb: "I'm stuck!" Lynn: "I guess you guys aren't ready for wrestling yet." [Camille sighs in relief] "'Cause first you have to get into shape!"

[Later in the McCauley's living room, Lynn brings out some condiments and frozen foods from their fridge.] Lynn: "Your parents have a serious lack of exercise equipment, so we'll have to improvise. Camille, let's do some curls with these kosher dills." Camille: [She tries to do one curl with them, but falls to the floor.] "Ow! I heard something pop." Lynn: "That's totally normal, walk it off." [Camille whimpers as she tries to limp it off] "Kay, Caleb, your turn. Let's see you dead lift this turkey. [She puts the turkey in front of Caleb and he groans.]

[Minutes later, Lynn and the McCauley kids enter the kitchen, Caleb now having his back sore.] Lynn: "Important lesson for you guys: After a good workout, you always want to replenish those proteins." [opens the fridge and pulls out a carton of eggs.] Caleb: "Ooh, eggs. May I have please have scrambled?" Camille: "I like mine hard boiled." Lynn: [imitates the buzzer again] "Cooking takes too long, your body needs that protein now!" ''[She cracks two eggs each for two cups then gives them to the McCauley kids. Caleb starts to whine.]'' Camille: "Don't show weakness. It'll just make things worse." [They drink the raw eggs and they try not to throw up after swallowing it but burp instead.] Caleb: [weakly] "Can we please go to bed now?" Lynn: 'Ugh, okay, fine." [Later, the McCauley kids are in bed and Lynn is telling them a story.] "So I'm almost to the top of the climbing wall when I beef my foothold, lose my grip, and plummet twenty feet to the ground, bam! Broke my tibia so bad, you can see the bone sticking out through the skin." [Hearing that makes Caleb actually throw up this time.] "Well, that's a waste of two perfectly good eggs."

[Back at the Loud House, the older sisters are on the couch when Lynn enters through the front door.] Lynn: "What up, fellow babysitters!" Lori: "Hey, how did it go?" Lynn: "Oh, great, I hit it it out of the park." Luna: "Wow." Luan: "Sweet." Leni: "Good for you." Lynn: "Thanks for letting me in the group, you guys, it means a lot." [goes upstairs to her room] Luna: "Well, dudes, guess we misjudged ol' Lynn-sanity." ''[The others nod in agreement. Just then, the house phone rings, Lori answers it.]'' Lori: "Hello? Oh, hi, Mrs. McCauley. What? She did? She did? Angry possum? But, but- Okay, goodnight." [hangs up] Leni: [She and the others walk over.] "What happened?" Lori: "Lynn terrorized the McCauley kids, so now we're all fired as their babysitters." Leni: [in unison] "What?" Luan: [in unison] "No way!" Luna: [in unison] "Bogus!" Lori: "I think we need to have a little talk with her."

[In Lynn and Lucy's room, the older sisters have a talk with Lynn.] Lynn: "I don't get it. I thought we had an awesome night." Luan: "Lynn, you made a five-year-old hang upside down and do crunches." Lynn: "Yeah, and his abs will thank me." Lori: "We're sorry, but you can't be in the babysitting group anymore." Lynn: [now upset] "What? Come on! It's not my fault those kids didn't know how to have fun! Give me a decent family and I'll show you I can crush it!" Lori: "Sorry, but we just can't afford to lose any more clients." Lincoln: [pops in] "I'm still available." Lynn: "Get out of here, Stinkin'!" [throws her football at him and he falls to the floor.] Lori: "This is literally what we're talking about." [She and the others leave the room.] Lynn: [flops onto her bed and growls in frustration; to herself.] "Lynn Loud does not accept defeat. I'll show those guys I got what it takes."

''[The next day, all the Loud siblings are watching TV on the couch, except Lori, who is on her phone, and Lucy, who is reading a book. Just then, the house phone rings.]'' Lynn: "I got it!" [answers it] "Loud residence, Lynn Jr. speaking." [She hears someone on the other end and sneaks off into the dining room, makes sure the others are still distracted, then responds.] "Oh, hi, Mr. Dunscombe. Sure, let me ask Lori if she's free on Friday. [walks over to another spot then speaks in a muffled tone, then goes back to the other spot.] "Sorry, Lori's not available, but I'd be happy to babysit." [She hangs up and takes her seat back on the couch.] Lori: [concerned] "Who was that?" Lynn: "A ding-dang telemarketer. I told him to buzz off." [The house phone rings again.] Lincoln: [gets up from his spot] "I can get it!" Lynn: [pushes Lincoln to the floor] "Up, bup, bup, sit down, Stinkin'." [grabs the phone and heads back to the dining room.] "Loud residence. Oh, hi, Mrs. Lewis." [indistinct chatter is heard] "Oh, no, Leni's not free on Saturday, but I am. [grins] A FEW DAYS LATER... ''[The older sisters are in the kitchen. Leni and Luna are having coffee, and Luan is having a bowl of cereal.]'' Lori: "So, you guys didn't have any babysitting jobs this weekend either?" Luan: "Nope. Didn't get a single call." Luna: [in union] "Deadsville." Leni: [in union] "Me neither." Lori: "Weird. Maybe we should check in with our clients." [The four girls are now in different locations of the house, on their cell phones.] Leni: "Hi, Mrs. Lewis." Luan: "Hi, Mr. Santini." Luna: "Hey, Mr. Katz." Lori: "Hi, Mrs. Dunscomb." [They all hear what their clients have to say.] Lori, Leni, Luna, and Luan: "Lynn did what?!" [All back in the kitchen.] Lori: [Seriously mad at Lynn] "Ugh! I can't believe this! Not only did she steal our jobs, she lost us four more clients!" Luan: "We have to tell her this stops now!" Luna: "We can tell her, but will she listen? You know how she is." Luan: [Thinking of something] "What if we can get her to want to quit babysitting?" Leni: "How would we do that?" Luan: "Easy, get her to sit for the worst kids in Royal Woods." [They all get closer together, knowing who that is.] Lori, Leni, Luna, and Luan: "The Fox quintuplets!" Lori: "Ugh, they were literally a nightmare." [Flashback to them throwing stuff at her while she was hiding behind the couch.] Leni: [Flashback to them locking her out in the rain.] "So mean." Luan: [Flashback to them throwing a bucket of water on her while she was sleeping.] "Little monsters." Luna: [Flashback to them flushing stuff down the toilet.] "Bad to the bone." Luan: "So, it's a plan?" Lori, Leni, and Luna: "It's a plan." [Meanwhile, outside the backyard, Lynn is throwing some pitchers at her goalie net when the older sisters approach her.] Lori: "Hey, Lynn, can we talk to you?" Lynn: [knowing where this is going] "Okay, I know what you guys are going to say but before you get mad, let me explain-" Luan: "Oh, we're not mad." Luna: "We get it, dude, you were just trying to prove you can handle babysitting." Leni: "And guess what? You proved it." Lynn: "Really? So, your clients liked me?" Lori: "Literally loved." Lynn: "Yes! I knew it. I told you guys! So, you're taking me off the bench?" Lori: "Yep. In fact, we already have a new client lined up for you." Lynn: "Sweet, who is it?" [Cuts to her at the Fox residence and the parents drive off.] "Later, Mr. and Mrs. Fox!" [closes the door] "So, gang, what should we do tonight?" ''[Lynn is then shocked by what she sees; The one in green is finger painting on the wall, the one in blue is squirting ketchup and mustard into a table fan, Stevie is bow and arrowing the goldfish, and the one in white has an angry raccoon. She is shocked, she looks over and sees Pam standing next to her, Pam is looking at Lynn, and holding a hose. Pam sprays her right into the door, and all the quints surround Lynn and laugh menacingly, Lynn gets a nervous look.]''

[Back at the Loud House, Lori, Leni, Luna, and Luan are sitting on the couch watching TV.] Leni: "Poor Lynn, I bet by now those little monsters have trapped her in the crawl space like they did to me." [They all laugh] Lori: "Or, rolled her up in a rug and pushed her down the stairs like they did to me." [They all laugh again, only a little more dwindled.] Luna: "Or, thrown a skunk in the bathroom while she was doing her business." [The others are just aghast at this, they all then start to look guilty.] Luan: "Well, Lynn had it coming." Lori: "Literally." Luna: "She gave us no choice." [A few seconds of silence.] Leni: [giving in] "Guys, I'm trying to be a team player here, but I'm starting to feel bad." Luna: "No, dude, I get it. I am too." Lori: "Me too. Lynn's only 13, and who knows what kind of horrible mess she's in right now." Luan: "And all she wanted was to be a part of our babysitting group." Lori: [immediately gets up] "We have to go help her!" Luna: [gets up as well] "Agreed. But first, we'll need some protective gear."

[The four girls approach the Fox residence, with their gear, and knock.] Lynn: [Answers the door, unharmed] "Hey guys, what's up?" ''[The four roll into the house, commando style, and get ready for a fight, much to Lynn's confusion. The four are then surprised by what they see; the Fox quintuplets are all sitting around reading.]'' Luna: [Confused] "Wait a second, I thought you were babysitting the Fox quintuplets. Who are those guys?" Lynn: "Those are the Fox quints, duh." Luan: "Wait, how did you get them to behave?" Lynn: "It was a cinch." [Flashback to dinner, the quints are having a food fight while Lynn looks on with a displeased look.] "First, I showed them that if they want to get crazy, I can get ten times crazier." ''[Lynn gets up, lets out a yell, and throws the entire dinner aside, leaving the quints shocked. Another flashback shows the quints playing tug-o-war.]'' "Next, I wore them out with athletic competition." [Another flashback to Pam cleaning up her toys and Lynn giving her a thumbs up.] "And lastly, three words," [She grabs Pam and gives her a horsey ride.] "horsey, reward system." [Flashback ends] Lori: "Wow, impressive. Well, anyway, I guess we should get going." [They all start to leave, but Lynn stops them.] Lynn: [Suspicious] "Wait a minute, what's going on? Why'd you even come here in the first place?" Luna: "Nothing, dude, we were just in the neighborhood." Leni: "We were? I thought we came here because we felt bad about trying to get Lynn to quit babysitting." Luan: [laughs] "That's funny, Leni, but jokes are my territory. Come on, let's go." Lynn: "You wanted me to quit babysitting, why?! You said your clients loved me!" Lori: "Well, they didn't. You actually terrified their kids, but now I think I know why, they just weren't the right kind of kids for you, these guys are. None of us could handle them, but clearly you're doing great." Luna: "We're sorry for trying to mess with you." Lynn: [rubs her arm] "Well, that's cool. I guess it wasn't so great that I tried to steal your clients from you. So, I'm sorry about that. Apology punches!" [punches her sisters] Luna: "Dude!" Leni: "Ow!" Luan: "Ow!" Lori: "Ow!" Pam: [She and her brothers head upstairs.] "Coach Lynn, we're ready for bed!" Lynn: "Well, duty calls. I'm glad we're good, I'll see you guys at home. [heads upstairs and the four girls leave.] "Who wants to hear about the time I broke my tibia?!" Fox Quints: "I do, I do!"

''[The next day at home, the four sisters are in the living room. Lori is texting on her phone, Luan is reading a book, Luna is strumming her guitar and Leni is filing her nails. Lynn shows up with her duffel bag.]'' Lynn: "Off your butts, ladies. You've all got babysitting jobs tonight." Luan: "What are you talking about?" Lynn: "I got your old clients back. It took a lot of begging and pleading, and the apology punches didn't help, but I was able to convince them." Luna: "Mighty dece' of you, sis." Lynn: "Well, see you later, I'm sitting for the quints. Now that Mr. and Mrs. Fox have found someone who can handle their kids, they're going out, like, every night. [She leaves the house] [That night at the Fox's, Lynn and the quints are Lucha Libre wrestling, Lynn blows her whistle, and the quints are loving it.] Stevie: [As Lynn has him over her head.] "Best babysitter ever!" [Lynn laughs]