Pilot (American Dad!)

Hayley: [Steve is humming while chewing on his food] Shut up, Steve. I have a term paper due.

Steve: Ooh, yeah, right, community college. Big girl. Big girl. Hey, you think that diploma will help you land a better section when you're waitressing at the Olive Garden? Cah.

Hayley: Think you'll hit puberty before you turn 14?

Steve: Why, you want to do it with me? You're sick.

Francine: Steve, you've only got one sister. Be nice. And Hayley, Steve's big boy hair isn't going to come in any faster with you taunting him.

Klaus: [german accent] Oh, Francine, liebchen, I love the way you rule with an iron fist. You know, perhaps when you are finished there, you would stick your naughty pinkie finger into mein bowl and let me feel you.

Francine: Klaus, I don't think...

Klaus: You're right. When the kids are gone.

Stan: No, Roger, you cannot borrow the car.

Roger: You know, you'd think you'd be a little more grateful to the guy who saved your life at Area 51.

Stan: Look, if my superiors at the CIA found out you were living here, we'd all have our memories erased. Did you see ''Memento? ''It's not as good the second time. The point is, you are not allowed to leave the house.

Roger: For God's sake, Stan, I just want to pick up a pack of smokes.

Stan: Have you managed to contact your home planet yet?

Roger: Oh, you know, I was going to do it yesterday, but I got distracted. VH1 was running this "I love the '80s" marathon. Did you know Lou Ferringo was deaf? I don't know. Somehow it's hard to take him as seriously. Oh, hey, Francine, did you get those Pecan Sandies I was looking for?

Francine: Oh, Roger, I'm sorry, I was at the market yesterday, and I forgot.

Roger: [sucks air through teeth] Pretty sure I asked for Pecan Sandies.

Francine: I'll pick some up this afternoon.

Stan: Francine, you be very careful out there today. We're at Terror Alert Orange. Which means something might go down somewhere, in some way, in some point of time, so look sharp!

Hayley: You know, Dad, it's great that you and your CIA buddies have created a fun little system to keep the masses paralyzed in fear.

Stan: You like shaving your armpits, Hayley? Huh? 'Cause if the terrorists take over this country, that's the first thing to go.