¡Viva los Muertos!

The Venture Bros.: Season: 2 Episode: 11

[incomplete]


 * How you doing, Texas? Staying frosty? Better get your game face on 'cause that's the Venture Compound over there.
 * Yeah, we lost a lot of good men trying to take that hill.
 * your breath on the new meat?! Nine out of ten don't even last a month! Attention, my coiled minions! Battle speech.
 * Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
 * Coil, my bright and bewinged army! Coil and prepare to strike like the deadly sky-flowers you are! - This is making me feel a little gay.
 * - You, sir, are a big gay.
 * awaits the enemies of the Mon What?! OK, so I'm getting the wrap-it-up signal.
 * Me, The Monarch.
 * Yes, all right! Fine! Release the cloud of deception/diversion! - Here we go! - On your feet, Texas! - Go, go, go! - Fly, my spangly vengeance! Fly to victory! Brock Samson! More power! I must have more power! Look, Brock.
 * His fingers! They're twitching.
 * Yeah, well, a stiff will do that if you shove a gigavolt up its ass.
 * No, he's alive! Alive I tell you.
 * Sure, Doc.
 * Holy Told ya.
 * This is it, Brock, The big one.
 * The holy grail of super-science! Brock, cliché/ Well, great.
 * Just great.
 * Now you broke his whole head.
 * Hey, there, bright eyes.
 * Feeling better? So, no hard feelings.
 * I'll chalk your little strangle-tantrum up to the surprise resurrection and the adrenaline enema and your basic criminal nature.
 * Hey, pop, why is the top of that guy's head black? Not black, Hank, African American.
 * The top of that guy's head is African American.
 * Dad, why is the top of this guy's head African American? Because Brock caved in his original cranium, and I had to use whatever fit.
 * So, Brock killed him? And you brought him back to life? That's right, boys.
 * Your father's beating death at her own game.
 * Father! No! No, no, no.
 * - Father.
 * - Oh, no.
 * Don't think of me as your father.
 * Please! I get enough of that noise from these two.
 * Darn! Out of gas.
 * Hey, gang, dig this! Looks like some sort of secret abandoned military base.
 * Patriarchal white pig square's nest.
 * Far out, Val.
 * But something's fishy in the state of Denmark.
 * I can feel a mystery coming on.
 * Ted, you said I could see my parents.
 * This was on the way, Patty.
 * We've been driving to my parents' house for ten years.
 * - You promised.
 * - Patty being out of your box isn't a right, it's a privilege.
 * Baby, you don't want to go back in your box, do you? No.
 * Sonny, Groovy, wake up! Mystery time.
 * Please, Groov, just say something to them.
 * Say a "hi" or anything just so they'll believe me.
 * I'm not here to talk to them.
 * You are the hand chosen by the master.
 * No! Yours is the Wheel of Blood.
 * Yours is the sword of Michael.
 * Hey, Sonny? Shut up! Shut up damn it! I can't hear myself think.
 * Come on, Sonny.
 * Mystery.
 * your mystery, man.
 * I'm sick.
 * Sonny? Bet you'll come out for some Groovy treats.
 * Why do we have to eat breakfast with your dead guy? Venturestein has been through a lot, Dean.
 * - Venturestein! - You like that? - Sure do, pop.
 * - Good boy, Hank.
 * Dean? Right now, Hank is better than you.
 * Anywho, the next phase of my work will be to socialize Venturestein to help him make the transition from dead guy to contributing member of society.
 * Who says dead people can't carry their own weight? And maybe some of your stuff while they're at it.
 * Dude! Fly walking on your eye! I don't know about this, Ted.
 * Patty, if God didn't want us to solve this mystery he wouldn't have had us run out of gas here.
 * But what's the mystery? You know? We're not out of gas, man.
 * We got a five-gallon can in the back of the Damn it! Why do you hate God so much? I don't hate God, man.
 * Well, God thinks you hate Him.
 * And that's just as bad as hating Him.
 * So, how about you and Groovy go start looking for some clues.
 * Clues to what? What is your trip? Clues to why I don't chain you to the back of my van and road-haul you till you're nothing but a pelvis wearing a belt.
 * Guy is pissing on your lawn, man.
 * What? What are you looking at? - Why does he gotta cry like that? - I think you scare him.
 * I'm not the one who froze his corpse or nuked him back from the great beyond to be a half-dead short-bus seat-warmer.
 * But you did kill him.
 * And then when I unkilled him, you kind of did it again.
 * You hit him so hard he's got an afro now.
 * Yeah! You're like fire to his Frankenstein.
 * - Venturestein.
 * - Right! And Venturestein is all like "Brock bad!" Mr. Venture, I caught you.
 * - Yay.
 * - As per our landlord-tenant agreement I come to inform you of a small gathering I will host from say 5:00 in the post-meridian until question mark.
 * Whatever.
 * Knock yourself out.
 * Any and all who hunger to know the secrets of self which stud like internal suns in the inky lattice-work of our very minds may join us in our purgative journey of Is that man dead? No.
 * Once again, Mr. Venture you cut decency to the quick and leave her to die in prostitute alley! Prostitoo! Prostitute.
 * - Prostitoo! - Prostitute.
 * Brock, you're a man of no small character.
 * - What say you on this? - Not really my department.
 * But we two souls have shared a cheese sandwich more than twice and the stitched together quilt of your stony silences forms a tapestry of quiet desperation.
 * No, it doesn't.
 * You are truly a Grim Reaper, my friend.
 * But when you need to talk, I will be there.
 * All right then.
 * Brock bad.
 * Good! Suffixed consonants! Good! Brock bad! And that's the problem with men, Patty.
 * The Y-gene is just an incomplete X-chromosome, dig? A man is an incomplete female.
 * Just a walking abortion.
 * Gosh! I hope Ted lets me take a shower soon.
 * Zip it, gang.
 * Something's going down.
 * Oh, my God! Who is Héctor Molina and why do they keep sending me his junk mail? Heads up, kids.
 * Think we may have stumbled onto a Dracula factory.
 * Where the heck did they put African America? I don't know, Hank but it's not on any of my charts.
 * I know.
 * To the learning beds! Dude, I am not getting in that thing with stinky old Venturestein.
 * What's he doing in there anyway? Dad said he needs to socialize him? Stand by for Part 7-B of Volume One.
 * Take this time to reflect Who's down in the old manufacturing wing? I'll get the flashlight! I'll get the astronaut ice cream! Hi! I'm Everyday Joe! I speak for you because Well, heck, I am you! And sometimes I catch both of us wondering "Hey, what's good about child labor?" Yes, General Manhowers.
 * My Venturesteins could be easily adapted to ground warfare.
 * I suppose their chest cavities could hold quite a lot of C4, certainly.
 * That many? No, of course! No, that's wonderful, General.
 * Wonderful! Good.
 * Everything's going my way, finally.
 * Cross that off the old to do list.
 * Come on! Come on.
 * Look, grandpa! I made a shoe all by myself! Little Jorge knows the satisfaction of a job well done and so can you! Just watch and listen carefully and soon you'll be ready for a career in bonded servitude! - See you in a jiffy! - Vivan los zapatos/ Prostitoo! Prostitoo! Brock! Think I might be a tapestry of quiet desperation.
 * Excellent! Everyone! The sacred death vine ceremony is about to begin.
 * Allow me to introduce our guide Don Rio Impossible Isabanco one of the Amazon's most learned shaman.
 * I can feel it, friends! Tonight will be a night of great healing and human oneness.
 * I'm not sure this is my scene.
 * Correction! Dracula-Frankenstein factory! The few remaining men will exist as studs breeding in the cow pasture.
 * Or they could go off to the nearest suicide center where they'll be quietly gassed to death.
 * Come on, guys! Val, don't.
 * Pray tell, Brock Samson, you old so and so.
 * What burden does your soul carry to our sacred circle? I don't know.
 * Just not on my game today.
 * Something's not right.
 * You are a child of the past.
 * We must be children of the future.
 * - Hang on a sec.
 * What? - Brock.
 * I need dead people.
 * Lots and lots of dead people.
 * I've got twelve with the henchmen you killed not counting the black guy with half a head.
 * But we need like 100-something.
 * We need like a full gross of dead people.
 * Right, and where are we gonna get all these dead people? Well, I thought seeing as how you're you know, you and all I thought maybe you could go out and - No.
 * - Make some - No.
 * dead people.
 * - No.
 * - Well, fine! - Thanks a lot for not helping! - Anything else? Help me get dead people! Soup's on, everyone! Painted lips.
 * Schoolgirl outfits.
 * And the pretty hair, Sonny.
 * The hair needs to be punished, Sonny! Would ya give it a rest, Groov? Start doing the master's bidding! You're already filthy with wrath and sin! - Halt! - Who goes there?! God, wow! - A hippie! - We better follow him! - And how! - What is this? - Liquid extract of the death vine.
 * Your portal to another world of consciousness.
 * This some kind of Jonestown deal? Let not the Dixie cup mislead you! The death vine will allow you to shed your ego.
 * Only then can the repair of your spiritual whole commence.
 * What the hell.
 * Sonny, Groovy! - There you are! - Ted! I'm losing it, man! No Groovy treat until you find a clue, dirtbag.
 * I just saw those kids! What kids, Sonny? The squares from back in Baja when I was all freaked! Don't you remember?! Like, two years ago! Me and Groovy had just run into something.
 * Groov said it was a monitor lizard, but I wasn't so sure.
 * And then, all of a sudden Sonny! What happened?! They freaked me, man.
 * What? You think I need this kind of heat?! Do you?! - I'm sorry! - Do you?! Sonny, I swear to the Lord God, my savior I will kill the living out of that dog! Shut that dog up! No.
 * No, no.
 * It's OK, Groovy.
 * - I got to learn - Yeah.
 * That's right.
 * Learn what? Got to learn to respect and not to harsh Ted's mellow.
 * Boys?! Boys?! Brock got the X-1 started.
 * Let's go! Don't make me come down there, boys! These are my dress-up shoes.
 * Don't you see, Ted? They have to be ghosts 'cause I killed them! Yeah.
 * He was just this guy.
 * A guy in a butterfly suit who got in over his head.
 * And I could see it in his eyes that if I let him get away this one time he'd never come back.
 * But then I also thought, you know kill him.
 * What kind of way is that to One time I'm on the Amazon in my canoe and I see swim the dolphin the beautiful dolphin so, I slip out of my canoe and I grab her this fish and then I it, this fish! Hell's that got to do with anything?! Hot dolphin! You're an idiot! Don Rio is a transcendent multidimensional genius, Brock.
 * His every word an onion of infinite leaf his every pearl Yes.
 * This is coming on Cruising altitude.
 * Oh, God! Feel like I got a stomach full of drunk bees.
 * Brock Samson this is your chance to find the way of peace of positive rainbow energization and karmic repair.
 * Dried up little Keebler! You poisoned me! Venturestein?! Change of curriculum.
 * You're going to military school! Problemo.
 * You know what? I think I I feel a little bad about killing that guy.
 * Yes, my friend.
 * A splendid first step ind All right! Yeah! Just cool out, Sonny.
 * Look.
 * Val found some tools and crap that I think we can sell.
 * For money? - What are you doing?! - Yeah! That's our dad's stuff! Get off our property! Sonny! You were right! And this dog talks, man! Think these guys have a screw loose, Hanker.
 * Copy that.
 * No, no! Sonny killed you.
 * I'm telling you.
 * Like, they're ghosts, man! Only one way to find out.
 * Super run-away! You see, Brock Samson, we're all one.
 * We all share the same need for shelter, warmth, fulfillment.
 * The secret of happiness, lies not in conquest but in empathy.
 * Better dolphin! - Samson! - Hunter?! What is all this nambi-pambi feel bad about good wet-work moose crap?! You're beyond good and evil, Superman! - You work for the Government.
 * - What about humanity and empathy and all that garbage? Who cares? You're going to Special Ops heaven.
 * - Really? - Really! And it's damn great! A G-Man Valhala! There's trim and guns everywhere.
 * We eat steak-flavored clouds and poop secrets! But you're not even dead! You're a woman.
 * And you're a tool, boy.
 * A tool! Built for a single purpose by the United States of shut your third damn eye for a reason! You can't teach a hammer to love nails, son.
 * That dog don't hunt! Don't hunt! Don't hunt! I didn't think hippies had guns! They're probably, like, pirate hippies! Find it, Groov.
 * Find it! Ghosts don't run away from bullets.
 * So, what are you? Ted! Like, look! Dean?! Dean?! - What is this?! - Oh, Hank.
 * You're not ghosts.
 * You're the boys from Brazil.
 * Frankenstein! I want to go back to my mom! Prostitoo! No! Another one! - Don't hunt! - Not so fast, los Don't shoot me! - Oh, God! - Oh, God! Mine is the sword of Michael! I'm so cold, man.
 * I'm so cold.
 * Oh, no.
 * Well, Venturestein I'd say that radioactive isotope I put in your spine is worth its weight in radioactivity.
 * - Doc! - What's going on here?! It's bad, Doc, real bad.
 * The boys saw their own clones.
 * I think they're in some kind of saw-your-own-clone coma.
 * Boys! Get up! - Yes, sir! - I hope you're proud of yourselves.
 * You've - You've ruined the surprise.
 * - The what?! This was going to be your Christmas present.
 * A whole big army of yous ready to think you're the coolest, and do your chores maybe eliminate targets in high-risk combat zones.
 * But now you've ruined the surprise! So I'll have to think of something even better.
 * Even better?! Now, get upstairs, you little Indians, and wash off all that Chicanery.
 * Macaroni and cheese tonight! Dad, you're the best dad ever.
 * Yes, I am.
 * Two, plus Well, it's a start.
 * Prostitoos! You got it, V-stein.
 * That's the game plan.
 * - Shoe! - Oh, no, man, no.
 * They're not gonna give it up for a shoe you made out of a dog.
 * - Shoe.
 * - Forget it, V.
 * It's my treat.
 * Brock good!


 * [A POV shot of a Monarch Henchman's goggles. A strike force assembles by a crevasse near the Venture Compound]
 * #21: (to the POV) How's it goin', Texas! Ya staying frosty?
 * [POV nods in agreement]
 * #21: Better get your game face on, 'cause that's the Venture Compound over there! Yeah, we lost a lot of good men trying to take that place…
 * [#24 appears]
 * #24: 21! Why are you wasting your time talking to the new meat? 9 in 10 don't even last a month.


 * Dr. Orpheus: [To Brock] Ah, but we two souls have shared a cheese sandwich more than twice!


 * Ted: Darn! Out of gas. (notices Venture Industries) Hey gang! Dig this!! Looks like some sort of secret, abandoned military base!
 * Val: Patriarchal white pig square's nest.
 * Ted: Far out, Val. But something's fishy in the state of Denmark. I can feel a mystery coming on!
 * Patty: Ted, you said I could see my parents.
 * Ted: This was on the way, Patty.
 * Patty: We've been driving to my parents' house for ten years. You promised.
 * Ted: Patty, being out of your box isn't a right, it's a privilege. Baby, you don't wanna go back in your box, do you?
 * Patty: No!


 * Dr. Orpheus: [with dramatic flourish] Who is Hector Molina?! And why do they keep sending me his Junk Mail?!?
 * Ted: Head's up, kids! Think we may have stumbled unto a Dracula factory!


 * Ted: (after seeing Venturestein) Correction! Dracula-Frankenstein factory!


 * Dr. Orpheus: Don Rio is a transcendent multidimensional genius, Brock. His every word an onion of infinite leaf! His every Pearl - [Vomits into a bucket] - Oh. Yes. This is coming on now.


 * Brock: Hey, you know what? I think I… I feel a little bad about killing that guy.
 * Dr. Orpheus: [Brock's POV, he is shimmering wildly as Brock begins to hallucinate] Yeees, my friend, a splendid first step indee- [vomits again]


 * Ted: C'mon, Sonny. Mystery.
 * Sonny: *ck your mystery, man…I…I'm sick!
 * Ted: [holds up a prescription bottle] Sonny… bet you'll come out for some Groovy Treats.
 * [Sonny scrambles out of the Mystery Van and falls in the mud, to the amusement of the gang]


 * Dean: Why do we have to eat breakfast with your dead guy?
 * Dr. Venture: Venturestein's been through a lot, Dean.
 * Hank: Venturestein!
 * Dr. Venture: You like that?
 * Hank: Sure do, Pop!
 * Dr. Venture: Good boy, Hank. Dean, right now Hank is better than you.


 * Brock: It's bad, Doc, real bad. The boys saw their own clones. Think they're in some kind of… saw your own clone…coma.

 [POV opens eyes]
 * Dr. Venture: More power! I must have more power! Look Brock, his fingers! They're twitching!
 * Brock: Yeah, well, a stiff will do that if you shove a gigavolt up its ass.
 * Dr. Venture: No, he's alive! ALIVE I tell you!
 * Brock: Uh, sure Doc.
 * Brock: Holy shit.


 * Hank: Hey Pop, why's the top of that guy's head black?
 * Dr. Venture: Not black, Hank! African American. The top of that guy's head is African American.
 * Dean: Dad, why's the top of this guy's head African American?
 * Dr. Venture: Because Brock caved in his original cranium and I had to use whatever fits.


 * Patty: I don't know about this, Ted…
 * Ted: Patty, if God didn't want us to solve this mystery, he wouldn't have had us run out of gas here.
 * Patty: But…what's the mystery?
 * Sonny: Hey, y'know, we're not out of gas, man…We got a five gallon tank in the back of the…
 * Ted: [hits Sonny] Why do you hate God so much?
 * Sonny: I don't hate God, man…
 * Ted: Well, God thinks you hate him, and that's just as bad as hating him. So how about you and Groovy go and start looking for some clues!
 * Sonny: Clues to what? What is your trip?
 * Ted: [Upbeat] Clues to why I don't chain you to the back of my van and road haul you until you're nothing but a pelvis - wearing a belt!
 * Groovy the Bloodhound: Guy's pissin' on your lawn, man.


 * Groovy the Bloodhound: Painted lips!… School-girl outfits!… And zer pretty hair, Sonny… zer hair needs to be punished, Sonny…
 * Sonny: Would ya give it a rest, Grooves?
 * Groovy the Bloodhound: Start doing zer Master's bidding! Yer already filthy wiz wrath and sin!


 * [Looking at a globe]
 * Hank: Where the heck did they put African America?


 * [Upon discovering the room filled with slug clones of the Venture Brothers]
 * Ted: You're not ghosts! You're the *cking Boys from Brazil!

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 * Dr. Venture: Brock, I need dead people. Lots and lots of dead people.
 * Brock: Uh-huh.
 * Dr. Venture: Now I've already got 12 from the henchmen you killed, not counting the black guy without the head, but we need like, uh, 100 something. We need like a full gross of dead people.
 * Brock: Right, and, uh… where are we gonna get all these dead people?
 * Dr. Venture: Well, I thought, seeing as you are… you know, you and all, I thought maybe… you could go out and--
 * Brock: No.
 * Dr. Venture: --make some…
 * Brock: No.
 * Dr. Venture: …dead people.
 * Brock: No.
 * Dr. Venture: Well, fine. Thanks a lot for not helping.
 * Brock: Anything else?
 * Dr. Venture: HELP ME GET DEAD PEOPLE!

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 * Dr. Orpheus: Ah, Mr. Venture. I caught you.
 * Dr. Venture: (unenthusiastic) Yay.
 * Dr. Orpheus: As per our landlord tenant agreement I've come to inform you of a small gathering I will host from, say, 5 in the post meridian until, question mark.
 * Dr. Venture: Whatever. Knock yourself out.

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 * Dr. Orpheus: [Referring to Venturestein] Is that man dead?
 * Dr. Venture: Uh, no.
 * Dr. Orpheus: Once again Mr. Venture you cut decency to the quick and leave her to die in prostitute ally!
 * Venturestein: Prostituuuutes!

<hr width=50%/>
 * Brock: Why's he gotta cry like that?
 * Hank: I think you scare him.
 * Brock: Well, I'm not the one who froze his corpse or nuked him back from the Great Beyond to be a half-dead short bus seat warmer.
 * Dr. Venture: But you did kill him. And then when I unkilled him you kind of did it again.
 * Hank: You hit him so hard he has an afro now!

<hr width=50%/>
 * Brock: Yeah, he was just this guy… guy in a butterfly suit who got in over his head. And I could see it in his eyes that if I let him get away this one time he'd never come back…but then, I also thought…y'know…Kill 'im. What kind of way is that ta -
 * Shaman: Quanto! (Begins to Mumble)
 * Shaman's Interpreter: Wuh - one time, I am in the Amazon, on my canoe, and I see, swim, the dolphin, the, uh, the beautiful dolphin, so I slip out of my canoe, and I grab her, this…fish…(Shaman mimes a penis penetrating a vagina, placing one finger through two looped together)…and, uh, then I *cked it… the fish!
 * Brock: The Hell's that got to with anything?
 * Shaman: Kayho Hadaile!
 * Shaman's Interpreter: Hot dolphin!
 * Brock: [suddenly realizing] You're an idiot!

<hr width=50%/>
 * Dolphin: You see, Brock Samson, we're all one. We all share the same need for shelter, warmth, fulfillment. The secret of happiness lies not in conquest, but in empathy.
 * [The dolphin is speared in the back and ripped out from under Brock, then drawn up into the belly button of what appears to be a very large and very naked woman, though her face is obscured]
 * Brock: Wooooaaah. Better dolphin!
 * [The 'Woman' Leans forward, revealing 'Her' true face]
 * Col. Hunter Gathers: Samson!!
 * Brock: Hunter?!
 * Hunter: What is all this namby-pamby feel bad about good wet work bullshit?! You're beyond good and evil, Superman! You work for the government.
 * Brock: What about uhhh, humanity and empathy and all that garbage?
 * Hunter: Who cares? You're going to special ops heaven.
 * Brock: Really?
 * Hunter: Really! And it's god damned great! [He flies upwards, clutching Brock to him] The G-Man Valhalla! There's trim and guns everywhere. And we eat steak flavored clouds and poop secrets!
 * Brock: [Hugging one of Hunter's gigantic Breasts] But you're not even dead. You're a woman!
 * Hunter: And you're a tool, boy, a tool! Built for a single purpose by the United States of shut your third god damned eye for a good *cking reason! You can't teach a hammer to love nails, son. That dog don't hunt!
 * [Brock awakens]
 * Brock: DON'T! HUNT!

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 * [The Groovy Gang are fleeing Venturestein when they run into Brock]
 * Ted: NO! Another one!
 * Brock: DON'T HUNT!
 * Ted: Not so fast, los&mdash;[Brock grabs his arm] Don't shoot me!
 * Sonny: Mine is the sword of Michael! [the gun fires, shooting Sonny] I'm bleeding all over!
 * [Brock head butts Ted, killing him]
 * Sonny: [dying] I'm so cold, man…I'm so *ckin' cold.

<hr width=50%/>
 * Val: The few remaining men will exist as studs, breeding in the cow pasture. Or they could go off to the nearest suicide center where they'll be quietly gassed to death.
 * Ted: Come on, guys!
 * [Val gropes Patty’s breasts]
 * Patty: Val, don’t.