Insta-gran

[A car pulls up into the Loud House] Loud kids: "They're here!" [They run to the door and Lincoln falls down by his sisters] Lincoln: [To the viewers] It's a big night at the Loud House. Pop-Pop's coming to dinner and he's bringing a very special guest! [Doorbell rings, the sisters open it, and Lincoln steps up] Pop-Pop: Hey, family, I'd like you all to meet my main squeeze, [brings his said squeeze to the doorway] Myrtle. Rita: "Nice to meet you, Myrtle! Let me introduce everyone." Myrtle: Oh, no need. Let's see if I have this right: Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lincoln, Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa and Lily. [Lily laughs, while her siblings are just stunned] Lynn Sr.: [Amazed] Wow, in birth order! That's impressive. Myrtle: Well, what's impressive is raising such delightful children. Albert, can you take my coat? ''[The family gives a thumbs up, Pop-Pop winks. Later, they're all at the dinner table]'' Myrtle: Lynn, your food is just heavenly! Lynn Sr.: Oh, you're sweet to say that. Myrtle: Not as sweet as this corn! [winks in Luan's direction] Luan: [Laughs at the pun, but then becomes slightly despondent] I can't have any, because I have braces. Myrtle: Well the world better brace itself for your pretty smile. Luan: [laughs] Myrtle: Oh, Lynn Jr., are those your trophies? Pop-Pop said you were named MVP on six different teams! Lynn: Well, technically seven but they don't recognize air hockey yet. Lisa: Has my paternal forebearer familiarized you with my achievements? Myrtle: Oh, you bet. He told me all about your fecal research. Impressive stuff. Lisa: Would you like to see some slides? Rita: Maybe after dinner, sweetie. [Later, in the living room Lincoln is showing Myrtle his Ace Savvy comic] Lincoln: So this is Ace Savvy, and here's his partner, One-Eyed Jack. Myrtle: Card puns? How clever! [Albert comes in the room, with Lynn Sr. and Rita] Pop-Pop: Sorry to break up the fun, but Myrtle and I should get going. Loud Kids: Aww! Myrtle: I'm sorry I didn't get to sample your mud pies, Lana. Lana: It's OK, made you one for the road. Don't forget to heat before serving. Myrtle: Thank you for everything. Oh, it was so wonderful meeting you all. [Kids say goodbye] LoriCome back soon. Myrtle: [Laughs] I might just take you up on that. Pop-Pop: Isn't she great? Good thing I stole her away from Seymour. [With a slightly hostile tone] That hound dog had his eye on her. Myrtle: Yeah, his left one. Buh-bye! [Parents laugh, and the siblings talk about how they loved Myrtle] Lisa: Myrtle, wait! My fecal slides! [Trips on the stairs, dropping her fecal slides, much to the horror of her family, who were at the bottom of the stairs, except for Lana] Siblings and Parents: AAAH! [Cuts to the outside of the house, where a loud crash is heard]

[The next day, the siblings are coming home from school and are surprised to find Myrtle vacuuming the living room] Myrtle: Oh, hi fam! I found your hide-a-key! Luna: [Confused] Uh, wasn't it under the thorn bushes? Myrtle: Also, I found your bandages. [Shows her arms, which are very scratched up] couldn't wait to get back over here and spend some more time with my 11 new grandkids. Speaking of which, surprise! I made these with my glue gun. [Pulls out a homemade sweater] Lisa: [reading sweater] "Life is sweeter with a Gran-Gran"? Was your room well-ventilated when you worked with this glue? Myrtle: I was thinking that maybe you kids could call me Gran-Gran! Why don't you try 'em on? [Later, all the kids are wearing the sweaters, much to their displeasure] Aw, you look so cute! Now come on, I have even more surprises! [Lucy opens up her room, and sees that Myrtle colored it in her least favorite color] Lucy: [hiss] What have you done with my cobwebs? Myrtle: Oh, sweetie. I tore them all down because they had spiders in them! Lucy: Yes, Elijah, Amaria, and Little Jojo. May the rest in peace. [Lays down on her bed] Lynn: Uh, where are my lucky jerseys? They should be in a big messy pile right here. Myrtle: I took 'em to the dry cleaners. They got every last stain out. Lynn: Oh, so everything that made them lucky. Myrtle: Well, who needs luck when you have talent like yours? [Later, Lisa is holding a conference call with some fellow scientists] Lisa: In conclusion, I have identified the necessary isotope for the- [Gets cut off by Myrtle] Myrtle: Oh, you're talking to your little science friends? Hi, I'm Lisa's Gran-Gran. Lisa: Yes. We're in the middle of something important right now, perhaps you could excuse us? Myrtle: Oh, you know what, you just do your thing like I'm not even here, and I'll just be tidying up! Lisa: [growing nervous] I prefer you don't! Myrtle: Ooh, these beakers are full of gunk! Lisa: NO, WAIT! [explodes, crowd gasps] [Later, Myrtle is giving Lincoln a haircut] Lincoln: I usually have a barber do this. Myrtle: Well, why pay a stranger when you've got a Gran-Gran? There, [Lincoln comes out of the bathroom with a bowl cut] You look so handsome! Luan: That haircut really bowls me over. [Later, in the twins' room] Myrtle: Spit shine! [Licks her thumbs, and 'cleans' the twins' faces] Ah, there. No mud, no make-up, just sparkling faces that I could eat right now with some steak sauce. Om-nom-nom-nom. ''[Once Myrtle leaves the room, Lola powder puffs herself, and Lana mud pies herself. Later, in the living room]'' Lori: Um, what happened to our episodes of "Nail Polish Wars"? [Myrtle pops up behind them, Lori and Leni scream] Myrtle: Oh, I deleted those. Yeah, see, the language is just so negative. ''[Leni and Lori facepalm. Later, Myrtle is in her car]'' Myrtle: Adios, grandbabies! See you real soon! [Drives away] Lucy: That woman is a nightmare. Lynn: No way I'm calling her Gran-Gran. Lola: It gets worse! Look, she left her day planner. [Everyone looks] Lynn: [Gasps in shock] She's coming to all my games for the rest of the season?! Lisa: My conference in Sweden?! How did she get clearance?! Lori: She's coming on my next date with Bobby?! Lincoln: We have to do something. We can't live like this! Luna: [Pulls out a ski mask] You especially can't, brah. [Lincoln puts the mask on] Lola: Well, there is one thing we could do: Break them up. [Sibling protest] Leni: Lola, that's terrible! Luan: Is it though? I mean, Pop-Pop is such an awesome guy! Should he really settle for someone like Myrtle? Lisa: She has a point. Lori: Well, even if we wanted to do that, how would we? Lincoln: I might have an idea. Remember when Pop-Pop said that Seymour had his eye on Myrtle? Lana: Yeah, the left one. Lincoln: Maybe that's our answer!

[Scene changes to Sunset Canyon Retirement Home, Luan walks up to the pool where Seymour is swimming] Luan: I made this whole pitcher of lemonade for my grandpa, but he's got acid reflux. What ever shall I do with it? Seymour: Ooh! I'll take a glass! Luan: Here you are, Mr. Seymour, sir! Seymour: [Drinks the whole thing] Ooh, tart! ''[makes a face, Lana takes a photo and winks. Later, Lori is dressed up as an old lady in the dining room]'' Lori: [Old lady voice] Oh, my soup's literally too hot! How am I ever going to eat it? Myrtle: Oh, let me help, dear. ''[Blows on soup, and Lucy takes a photo. Later, the siblings are in Vanzilla, on the computer, working on the photo]'' Lincoln: And now to make a love connection. [Places the photos of Seymour and Myrtle into a romantic background, and moves them closer until they appear to be kissing] Bingo. Leni: Um, Lincoln, Bingo's not 'till four. Luna: Rad job, dude. That's gonna make Pop-Pop way jealous! Lola: I bet he breaks it off with her tonight. Lincoln: [Prints the photo] OK, Lynn, you're up. ''[Lincoln hands Lynn, who is wearing a ninja suit, the photo. She slips it into an envelope, and back flips her way to the retirement home, she later emerges from behind the ceiling tiles, slips down a rope, throws the envelope under the door, and retreats]'' Lana: Man, what's taking Lynn so long? Lynn: [Pops up] Hai! [siblings scream] Mission accomplished. Lori: OK, Let's get out of here before anyone sees us. [They all look towards someone tapping on the windshield] Myrtle: Too late! I see you! Siblings: AAH! Myrtle: [Brings out a cake] Oh, you angels came for my birthday party, didn't you? [Siblings pretend that's why they came]

Myrtle: Well, here we are, Party Central! As soon as your Pop-Pop gets here, we can get this shindig started. Lincoln: [Looks around] Shouldn't we wait for the other guests, too? Myrtle: [Despondent] Oh, no other guests. Luan: [Sympathetically] What about your family? Myrtle: Well, I don't really have any. I was an only child and somehow, I never got around to getting hitched. I was just too busy traveling and living my life. And to be honest, I never really missed having a family, until I met Pop-Pop and you guys, and, well, I know you're not my real family, but gosh darn, you all sure feel like it. Lori: [Hastily] Um, Myrtle, can you excuse us for a second? We, um, all have to go to the bathroom. Myrtle: [Winking] You take after your Pop-Pop.

Lola: [Aggravated] OK, What gives, Lori! I don't have to tinkle! Lori: Don't you guys get it? This is why Myrtle's been smothering us so much. She never had a family of her own. She's probably just trying to make up for lost time! Yes, she can come on a little strong, but her heart's in the right place. Lucy: I feel terrible. Lana: Me too. Luan: We should go apologize. Lincoln: Uh, guys, we have a bigger problem. We put that photo under Pop-Pop's door. Siblings: [Cuts to the outside as the siblings remember that] Aah! [Back inside Lori debriefs everyone on the new plan, and Lynn is suddenly wearing her ninja suit again] Lori: OK, new plan. Twins, you distract Myrtle. Lynn and Lincoln, you get the photo back. The rest of us will find Pop-Pop and keep him away from his room. Break! [Everyone except Lynn and Lincoln l run off] Lynn: Let's move out, Lincoln! Lincoln: [Notices Lynn wearing her ninja suit] Hey, when did you change into your ninja suit? Lynn: [Slyly] What happened to your bowl cut? Lincoln: Touché. Lynn: Hai! ''[Back flips away, Lincoln tries to do a front flip after her, but knocks over a table. Later, Lynn slides down her rope, Lincoln tries to do the same, but falls]'' Lincoln: Woah! Ooh. Lynn: [Fiddles with the doorknob] Locked. Not a problem. I got this. [Holds up a walker] Hoa, [breaks the door open] Ah! [Gives the walker back to the lady leaning on a table] Thanks, lady. [They look in the room and find the photo is on the nightstand, ripped right down the middle] Lincoln: Oh no, he's already seen it! Seymour: [Offscreen] Help! Someone call this maniac off! ''[Lincoln and Lynn look at each other and gasp in horror. Scene changes to the pool where Seymour is running for his life, but Pop-Pop is chasing after him swinging a pool noodle]'' Pop-Pop: I knew you had your eye on my girl! Seymour: That's not true. The left one's got a mind of it's own. Pop-Pop: Pictures don't lie, Seymour! And now I'm gonna take it to ya! Seymour: You're a crazy man! Pop-Pop: Ya! Lincoln: Pop-Pop, stop! Pop-Pop: Stay out of this kids! Mr. Kissy Face has it coming. Rah! Seymour: Dang it. Lincoln and Lynn: Pop-Pop! Lincoln: Let him go! Lynn: Let him go! Lori: What is going on? Lori, Luna, Lana and Lola: Pop-Pop! '''Seymour: Call Sue! Call anybody! Scoots: Geezer fight! I got 50 bucks on Al. Pop-Pop: Ha! Lincoln: Pop-Pop, no! The photo's fake! Pop-Pop: What? Lana: It's true. We made it on our computer! Pop-Pop: Why in the heck would you do something like that? Lori: The truth is, we were trying to break you and Myrtle up. Pop-Pop: Don't you like Myrtle? Luna: I think we just didn't understand her! Luan: She was smothering us like a pork chop. But we didn't realize it was because she never had a family! Lana: We may take it for granted that we have a big family, but not everyone's so lucky! Lincoln: We're really sorry for the way we acted. We hope you can forgive us. Pop-Pop: Of course I can. I know Myrtle can be a bit much, but that's also what I love about her. She's a spitfire. Scoots: Ugh, Bleh, this is gettin' too mushy for me. Scoots out! Pop-Pop: Seymour, I think I owe you an apology too. Seymour: Nah, don't worry about it, Al. Lori: Don't we have a birthday party to get to? Pop-Pop: You know it! Seymour: Can I come too? Pop-Pop: You're gonna have to, Seymour. I can't move my arms anymore! All: [laughs] Siblings: Happy birthday, Gran-Gran! Myrtle: Did you hear that, Al, they called me Gran-Gran! Oh, thank you, everyone. Lori: Thanks for the cake and the party, Gran-Gran, but we should probably get going. Myrtle: Okay, then, I'll drop by tomorrow. Pop-Pop: Uh...how about Sunday instead? I got us tickets to the RV show tomorrow. Myrtle: Oh! Siblings: Bye, Gran-Gran! Scoots: Seymour, quit eyein' my cake! You already had your piece! Seymour: I can't help it, the left one's got a mind of its own!