The Gift 2: The Giftening

(Opens showing the top edge of a red planet; Lord Hater's ship passes by above. Close-up on it; it floats for a few seconds, then it crashes into something. Zoom out to show its top lightning bolt having been rubbed up against the bottom of a larger ship.)

Off-screen voice: Ooh, that's not good.

(Cut to a close-up of two Watchdogs peeking out of the ship's roof hatch.)

Right Watchdog: Oh, man. Lord Hater just had this thing waxed.

Left Watchdog: Okay, no need to panic. (They reenter; cut to them inside the cockpit.) Maybe if we just...

(In close-up, the Watchdog pulls a lever. Cut to a long shot of the ship; the trapped on fires up, but it instead fires backwards, the camera zooming out to frame a garbage ship as it crashes into it and causes its alarm to blare.)

(Cut to a front-on shot of the crashed ship, the two Watchdogs' images visible from the "eyes" as look at each other. We hear the sound of a button pushing as the scene suddenly pauses and Lord Hater pops up and roars in fury; a wider shot shows this to actually be security footage on the ship's jumbotron.)

Lord Hater: You Watchdogs are all useless! I have never encountered – a more pathetic excuse – for an evil army – in all my life!

(He presses a button on the remote control in his hand, and the footage changes to an alleyway, as 8-bit music plays. We see a laser blast in the distance while a man dashes past, screaming in terror; he runs toward the screen until he fills it, before cutting to him from behind. He leans up against the wall; the two Watchdogs that chased slam into it. Happily, the man rushes toward the camera.)

Man: (onscreen) Yee-hoo!

(A big, red X superimposes the image, and a buzzer sounds; freeze-frame.)

Lord Hater: Stupid.

(The scene changes to two Watchdogs in a marketplace. A hovercraft drives up, and the left Watchdog halts it. Cut to a close-up of the wanted poster he is holding, reading "WANTED, BIG REWARD" and showing pictures of the three aliens inhabiting the hovercraft. The poster lowers to frame the three aliens, and in a wider shot, the Watchdogs let them go on their way. X/freeze-frame, as before.)

Lord Hater: Idiots!

(The scene changes to two Watchdogs in the cockpit, aiming two lasers at a distant planet. They attempt to blast it, but they end up blasting away from it, both lasers crossing each other. X/freeze-frame, as before.)

Lord Hater: Imbeciles!

(The scene changes to a close-up of a picture of Wander, reading "Your pal, Wander" in the lower right. Zoom out to show it being hung on the wall by a Watchdog; X/freeze-frame, as before.)

Lord Hater: NO! (The screen goes blank.) Ugh! (Crosses to the other side) All I want is for you guys to finally do something, anything right, for once!! (Close-up.) Is that so hard?!

(He double claps; cut to a front-on shot of empty audience seats as the lights come up and crickets are heard chirping. The only one present is Peepers, who wakes himself up.)

Peepers: They went to the wrong conference room.

(Close-up of Lord Hater's disbelieving face, which soon works itself to anger as his jaw chatters.)

(Cut to outside the hall showing the room Lord Hater is in on the left and a room with Watchdogs on the right. Lord Hater exits the left door and crosses over to the other one and enters it; cut to inside the room showing various Watchdogs bumping into each other or the walls, or just staring. In an instant, green lightning blasts forward; cut to Lord Hater roaring as he zaps away. One by one, the Watchdogs get zapped by the ethereal glare; Lord Hater suddenly notices a Watchdog in a corner, back turned.)

(Lord Hater zaps the watchdogs)

Lord Hater: You! (He approaches him.) Why aren't you running in terror? (Cut to a close-up of the back-turned Watchdog; widen to frame that Peepers has joined them.)

Lord Hater: (waving his electrifying finger) Hello? Pure concentrated bolts of evil? (Close-up on the Watchdog; no answer.) I think this one's broken.

(In close-up, Peepers grabs the Watchdog's shoulder and spins him around; he is holding a white gift box with a red bow, and his pupil is now the shape of a big red heart. He voices a stifled giggle; cut to a view of the gift box as Lord Hater and Peepers scream and back off, bumping into each other and landing on the floor; Lord Hater no longer has his hands electrifying. Freeze-frame as the title appears, the first part appearing instantly, the other part appearing moments later.)

Lord Hater: Peepers, what...what is that thing?!

(Side view; Peepers is pushed into the scene up to the Watchdog, and he crawls slowly. Lord Hater joins him, cowering behind.)

Peepers: It appears to be some kind of present.

Lord Hater: (Scoots up slowly) B-but, how...who would...what is wrong with him?

(They scoot a little closer, and Lord Hater pushes Peepers forward as they both look closer. The Watchdog giggles, and they shriek and dash off, before coming back into the scene partially.)

Peepers: I don't know, sir. I just don't know.

(Snap to a close-up of the giggling Watchdog on a hospital bed; zoom out, showing we're looking at an examination room while Lord Hater is watching from outside. Peepers is next to the Watchdog, wearing a protective helmet.)

Lord Hater: Careful! We don't know if that thing's contagious!

(Close-up of the Watchdog; Peepers brings a hand into view and snaps twice. He then brings a flashlight into view and shines it into the Watchdog's heart eye, followed by a tuning fork coming into view, banging the bed and vibrating as he moves it around. Wide shot; Peepers writes on a notepad.)

Peepers: Interesting. Hmm. I wonder...

(He puts the notebook down and slowly grabs hold of the ribbon on the gift box. Close-up of the Watchdog, zooming in slowly as his arms wrap around it; back to wide shot as Peepers struggles hard on the box rapidly, before finally pulling it away and flinging out of the scene. Cut to the box as Peepers walks up to it and picks it up; in the background, the Watchdog begins screaming like a maniac and tackling Peepers, his eye becoming the shape of a puddle. He starts making angry noises and fighting over Peepers, Hater watching in alarm from the glass window. Peepers ends up toppling over a table of test tubes, causing them to fly out of frame and break. The angry Watchdog jumps on top of the table; Peepers skids away just before the Watchdog lands on the ground in the same place where he was. Cut to Lord Hater outside the room.)

Lord Hater: (Shrieks) Peepers, get out of there!

(He rushes off; cut to an extreme close-up of a button as he slams a hand on it. Widen to frame him as the door next to him slowly rises up partially to let Peepers out, panting. The Watchdog grabs him by the legs and drags him back in while Peepers screams; Lord Hater screams as well and tugs Peepers out, the two toppling away from the door as it slams closed. Cut to a close-up on the door as three dents form; Hater and Peepers cower to each other in fear just as the Watchdog pushes the door up, yelling angrily. Lord Hater and Peepers shriek, but the former throws the gift box into the room, causing the Watchdog's eye to return to its heart shape. He giggles and rushes back into the room, letting the door close. Cut to a close-up of the Watchdog, sitting on the hospital bed and rocking back and forth slightly. Hater and Peepers watch from the windows behind him.)

Lord Hater: What was that all about?!

(Cut to Peepers, looking at a monitor showing a diagram of the Watchdog.)

Peepers: It's worse than we thought: His cortisol levels are low – (Close-up of the monitor, the gift slides in while its eye becomes heart-shaped and dilates in turn; he continues offscreen.) while his proximity to the object has completely altered the molecular structure of his prefrontal cortex!

Lord Hater: (shakes Peepers like mad) Flab drassit, man! Enough science mumbo-jumbo! Give it to me straight!

Peepers: The gift has made him... happy.

(Lord Hater gasps with shock as he drops Peepers; his hands begin to chatter.)

Lord Hater: Hap-py?

Peepers: Happy.

Lord Hater: But the Watchdogs have never been happy before!

Peepers: Well, they've never received a gift before.

(The Watchdog glomps onto the window cheering happily, causing the two to scream and run off.)

(Cut to Hater and Peepers screaming and running down the hallway. They rush through a door, and it closes. Cut to the two on the other side as they pant.)

Lord Hater: Peepers... (pant) What are we gonna do? If this spreads... (tugging on his hood in turn) The entire army will be ruined!

Peepers: It's okay, sir, he's sealed in Sick Bay, completely quarantined. (pant) There is no way this "happiness" is spreading.

(He turns to face front, eye shrinking to a point. Cut to his perspective, a line of Watchdogs each holding said gift box as before, eyes now heart-shaped; They speak in a monotonous like manner.)

Watchdogs: Haaaappy...

(Back to the two; Hater shrieks. Their mantra continues under the following.)

Peepers: (grabbing his mouth, whispering) Shh! Don't attract their attention!

(As the mantra continues, the two walk slowly toward the camera until they're out of sight. Cut to a view of the Watchdogs, crowding either sides of the hall as Hater and Peepers tiptoe slowly past. Cut to a close-up of Lord Hater.)

Lord Hater: That's it...easy...don't make any sudden movements or...

(We hear the sound of something being crushed, and the Watchdogs stop their mantra. widen a bit to frame that Lord Hater has stepped on the gift the Watchdog in front of him was holding. He lurches his foot up in shock; Quick series of close-ups of that Watchdog, plus two more, and three more as they turn to look at what has happened. Cut to a long shot of the two unaffected victims as they cower; the Watchdogs surround them at every angle.)

Watchdogs: Haaaappy...

(In close-up, the two are silent for a moment, then they scream in terror as they rush down the hall, knocking Watchdogs out of their way in turn as the camera follows them. Behind shot; the Watchdogs begin to chase them into a room just as the door closes on them.)

(Cut to Lord Hater and Peepers as they pant; they are standing before a wall of monitors.)

Peepers: It's worse than we thought.

(Zoom out a bit; the monitors are arranged in a 7x3 grid – 21 total – showing footage of the mesmerized Watchdogs – they are in the ship's surveillance room. Cut to a close-up of one monitor; it shows a Watchdog in a bathroom looking at himself in a mirror, toothbrush in one hand. He opens the mirror as if it were a cabinet, revealing two shelves behind it, the upper one with nothing there, the lower with a tube of toothpaste. As he reaches for it, a familiar orange being whizzes past; he closes the mirror, and a big gift box has appeared behind him in the reflection. The Watchdog becomes mesmerized by it, eye turning into a heart.)

Watchdog 1: (onscreen) Haaaappy...

(Pan to the next monitor, it shows a Watchdog answering a phone next to a similar monitor wall. The orange thing zooms by; the Watchdog has dropped the phone and is now holding a gift, a heart in his eye.)

Watchdog 2: (onscreen) Haaaappy...

(Pan to the next monitor, showing a Watchdog in a cross hallway looking around, blaster in hand. The orange thing comes into the scene; he has lost the blaster and has a gift in its place, eye now a heart as well.)

Watchdog 3: (onscreen) Haaaappy...

(Cut to the two spectators; Peepers is in front, Hater stands behind him, hands over mouth.)

Peepers: There's a serial gifter loose on the ship.

Lord Hater: No, no, no, it can't be, not – !

(Cut to a close-up of a knob as Hater's hand reaches into view and turns it. Cut to the monitor; the footage reverses, then starts playing in slow motion; we hear banjo music playing at half-speed. Wander comes into view and takes the blaster out of the Watchdog's hands and runs off. He runs back, holding a gift. He places that into the Watchdog's hands and runs off, waving goodbye at the camera before he slips out of sight. Cut to a close-up of the petrified Hater.)

Lord Hater: He's infecting the entire army with joy, killing any hate they may have! (Widen to frame Peepers.) We have to destroy him, before he destroys us! Peepers, assemble a team!

Peepers: M-M-Me? B-B-B-But, sir...

(Cut to outside the room as Peepers is pushed out by Lord Hater's foot, and the door slams. Peepers stands still, legs chattering; snap to ground level, showing the reflections of himself and two other uninfected Watchdogs, blasters in hand. Pan slowly upwards past them, stopping on Wander clinging between the walls above them. After they walk past the camera, Wander is shown to be holding a gift's ribbon in his teeth, and his hat sits on his back, entirely stuffed up. He lets go of the walls and drops out of sight; cut to an overhead shot of the team in another room, this one with paths stretching over a room with no floor beneath.)

Peepers: Alright, men, split up!

(He takes the right path, while the two others take the left. Cut to the two running at fast pace.)

Teddy: (pants) Man, Pete. If we make it out here alive...first thing I'm gonna do... (Close-up.) is find that gal I met at shore leave...buy a ring, and ask her to be mine.

(Pan to Pete running next to him.)

Pete: Ah, you're crazy, Teddy. Hater never lets anyone have nice things. (Looks over.) Like dreams.

(He suddenly screeches to a halt; overhead shot, Teddy is not there.)

Pete: Teddy? Teddy? (Teddy is heard screaming; close-up.) Hang in there, buddy! I'm comin'! (He rushes off; cut to another part of the pathway as Pete screeches to halt in view.)

Pete: Oh no. (Zoom out; Teddy has a big diamond ring in box; eye now heart-shaped.) TEDDY!!

(Cut to a close-up of him.)

Teddy: Haaaappy...

(During this, Pete walks into view and mutters incoherently, and pats Teddy on the head.)

Pete: (sniffs) She's gonna love it, kid. (sniffs, wipes tear) She's gonna love it.

(He backs off on the end of this; the camera follows him to frame another gift behind him. He trips over it; cut to a close-up of the bow on top as Pete sticks his head into view. The ribbon tears apart and the box opens up as he leans in to look; cut to inside the box, pointing up from the floor as Pete comes into view.)

Pete: (entranced) My dream!

(Cut to Peepers, striving down a pathway and holding a walkie talkie.)

Peepers: Teddy, Pete! Come in, darn you! We're on high –

Pete: (over radio) Whoo-hoo-ho! Whoo!

(This snaps Peepers into shock as he rushes out of view. Cut to another area of the pathway as he comes by.)

Peepers: Curses! (Zoom out; Pete is wearing dance shoes and doing a strange tap dance, heart in eye.) Pete has succumbed to the dance!

(Cut to Wander looking serious at another part of the pathway; zoom out framing Peepers, who looks over at him. In close-up, Wander smiles and reaches into his hat, pulling out a gift. Cut to a close-up on the red tag it sports, reading "Peepers". Back to Peepers, who screams and runs off, Wander following.)

''(Cut to Peepers running down a hallway until he reaches an elevator, finger pressing a button at warp speed. Cut to just behind him; Wander is almost here. The door closes just in time; cut to a signal outside the elevator as we hear a ding and the "down" arrow lights up. Zoom out as Wander comes by, trying hard to pry the doors open. Cut to Peepers in the elevator, panting heavily. We hear a bang as the scene vibrates briefly and Peepers looks up; cut to a small ventilation shaft door on the roof of the elevator. Wander's foot kicks the cover off and sticks the gift through, face visible in the space's shadows. Cut to outside the elevator; we hear a ding as the "up" arrow lights up; Peepers pushes the doors off and rushes out, hitting the wall briefly before he disappears down the hall. Wander follows him; cut to Peepers, turning to see Wander coming by before he runs out of the scene. He comes back to the door to the surveillance room from earlier, and he repeatedly bangs on the door in close-up. Cut to Lord Hater on the other side.)''

Lord Hater: (singy-songy throughout, in panic) Who is it?

Peepers: (from outside, same manner) It's Peepers, he's coming, hurry!

Lord Hater: What's the password?

Peepers: (from outside, normal tone) We never came up with a password, please, It's worse than we thought!

Lord Hater: (normal tone, completely terrified) Stop saying that! It's not worse than we thought, (tugging on his hood) this is the most worst it can be!! (The banging stops, pause.) Commander Peepers?

(Cut to outside the room; Hater partially opens the door and peers out.)

Lord Hater: C-Peeps?

(A pair of giant, red stilts comes into view, and Hater slowly works his way out. Tilt up to Peepers; the stilts are actually really high platform shoes. His eye takes on the same heart shape as the other Watchdogs, and he holds the gift Wander gave him.)

Peepers: Haaaappy...

(He topples around on the ending of this; cut to a view of the bottom of the boots, Wander barely visible in the distance. Zoom in on him, reaching into his hat and producing one last gift. Cut back to Hater, screaming in horror as he slams the door; cut to him on the other side, pointing up at him from the floor.)

Lord Hater: Oh no, All this happy isn't happening! (backs off) It's just a bad dream...

(Cut to him in close-up as the camera follows. He ends up backing into a familiar snout, which gives a horse snort. Zoom out to frame an enraged Sylvia; cut to outside the door as it slams open, revealing a screaming Hater as he pushes Peepers out of the way.)

(Cut to a room showing a pathway as he runs down it; he takes another pathway in the background and enters a tubed elevator. He goes down it; cut to frame twists in it as Lord Hater rides by. He then goes through three green flamed hoops at the top; and finally lands in a small escape pod, stylized as a miniature version of the ship. It closes up; Cut to him inside it; he buckles up, adjusts the mirror and looks back; cut to outside the ship; the pod blasts through the "teeth" and flies toward a planet with pointy mountains.)

(Cut to one of the mountains as Lord Hater works his way up; in close-up, he stops screaming, and takes a breath. Eyes suddenly popping wide, the camera widens to frame him leaning a hand on Wander, while Sylvia carries his stuffed hat. He raises the gift upward, and Hater jumps up and shrieks, robe briefly flying off. He zips out of frame; cut to a planet entirely soaked with water as the pod plunges into it. In close-up, a green striped pole sticks out; cut to under the water showing the pole pointing up toward the surface. Cut to Lord Hater floating just before a giant clam, revealing the pole is his snorkel pipe. The clam opens up, revealing Wander and Sylvia in a bubble, the former with his hat back on and holding the gift. Hater screams, muffled by the water while bubbles burst outward.)

(Back to the overview of the planet; the pod spins away from it towards a planet with holes. Snap to black; after which Hater's eyes walk into view. We hear a fire sparking as the lights come up; he has lit a fire with his thumb. In front of him stand Wander and Sylvia; the former presents the gift while he screams like a girl and extinguishes his thumb, leaving only their eyes visible as he speeds off.)

(Back to the overview; the pod flies into something round, which is revealed to be a snake-like creature as it swallows the pod whole. Cut to the pod being engulfed in the creature's stomach acid; shift to inside as Lord Hater pants. We see a bubble with the gift float upwards in the left window, while Wander and Sylvia come up in the right. Hater turns to see either of these, and the scene shifts back to the creature as the pod flies through its clenched teeth, breaking a hole in them.)

''(Cut to an overview of a planet with a snowy pattern; the pod speeds toward it. Cut to the pod crashed in the snow; the hatch flies off, and Hater gets out. He sees a log cabin in the distance; cut to inside the cabin as he rushes inside and pants. He then proceeds to block the door, as shown: hammer boards, placing furnishings – dresser, television, microwave, armchair – barricade. He ends this by panting and falling into the armchair to sit in it. We suddenly hear cracking as bits of the roof come falling down from above, the camera panning across the action. Hater slowly starts forward; cut to a close-up of a Shepard's hook as he grabs it and starts to get ready with it, chattering a little. A snowflake flies through the fireplace, and he waves the hook around while yelling like crazy. He hits himself in the head and falls to the floor. He stands up and pants; at the same time, the snowflake floats slowly down to him. Cut to an extreme-close up of the side of his face as the snowflake perches on his nose.)''

Lord Hater: (chuckles slightly) Dumb snowflake. Bein' flakey.

(Wide shot, framing the fireplace as he voices one last chuckle; a pack of smoke suddenly bursts through the fireplace, smoking out the screen as a scary, distorted version of Wander and Sylvia appears, eyes glowing red. The smoke fades away to reveal them covered in snow, shaped to look like Santa Clause's clothes and the antlers and nose of a reindeer, respectively. Zoom out as they shake the snow off, revealing Wander is holding the gift in his hands. He Sylvia stretches out as Wander holds the gift out; Lord Hater screams.)

Lord Hater: Stay back!

(He zooms out of frame; cut to Wander's perspective, framing him as he tiptoes backward, the gift being shown. Brief shot of the two gifters, then back to him as he falls on his side, then gets up.)

Lord Hater: No. (Close-up, he skids to the chair.) No! (The gift reaches into view, he cowers and resists.) Nooooo!!!

(We hear the sound of something breaking; cut to a hole made in the roof as three Watchdogs, no longer affected and eyes back to normal, swing down on ropes. Wander and Sylvia look up in shock; cut to ground level as the Watchdogs land.)

Watchdog: Perimeter is on lockdown! Clear! Clear! Bravo Team! Secure Lord Hater!

(Cut to Wander and Sylvia; behind them, two more trios of released Watchdogs burst through the roof on either side, sliding down on ropes. Three of them plow them to the ground and we hear punching; cut to Lord Hater as seven of the Watchdogs gather around them.)

Watchdog: We've got him! Bone Daddy is in the nest! (Cut to Wander and Sylvia, tied up as six other Watchdogs stand by, blasters in hand; he continues offscreen.) I repeat: Bone Daddy is in the nest!

(The Watchdogs fire up their blasters and rush out of frame. Cut to Lord Hater; one Watchdog puts a fuzzy pink blanket over him. Tilt down to a Watchdog holding a mug; Lord Hater takes it; zoom out to frame the entire army of twelve looking up at him, silence.)

Lord Hater: That was the coolest! You stopped Wander from infecting me with the happies – (sips mug) And, this cocoa is really tasty. (sips more) I-I can't believe I'm saying this, but...you did something right for once! Good work, Watchdogs!

(Close-up on three of them.)

Middle Watchdog: Sir! It was the least we could do after you gave us all those thoughtful gifts, sir!

(Back to Lord Hater, his mood now replaced with confusion.)

Lord Hater: After I gave you? But I didn't –

(Back to the Watchdogs.)

Middle Watchdog: Your gifts really encouraged us to do our very best! A little positive reinforcement goes a long way, sir! We love you, sir!

(The watchdogs gather around Lord Hater and give him a big hug. He looks ahead and snaps in shock; cut to his perspective of the gift in the distance; Wander and Sylvia have escaped and left it behind. Zoom in on it; it sports a red tag reading "Hater"; back to him, he pushes the Watchdogs aside and reaches for the gift in close-up. Cut to frame just himself leaning out of view; the Watchdogs spectate from behind. We hear the sound of unwrapping; he stands up and tosses the box over his shoulder. He is holding a note, outlined in pink on the back.)

Lord Hater: (reading) "You're welcome, heart, Wander."

(On the second half of this line, cut to frame the note: It reads, "You're Welcome. ♥ Wander" in pink letters, with a small line trailing from the "R". At the bottom, crudly drawn pictures of Wander and Sylvia are shown. Cut to an overhead view of Lord Hater; he no longer wears the pink blanket.)

Lord Hater: (anguished) NOOOOOOOO!!!

(As he screams, zoom out through one of the holes in the roof, framing the cabin as Wander and Sylvia float away in an orbble. Snap to black.)