The Farmer Takes a Woman

The Beginning

 * Otis: Saturday Night Dance Part-ay...

(Eveyone dancing)
 * Otis: Get your groove moving, people. The shakin' don't stop till there's butter in my utters.
 * Tigger: Best party ever.
 * Sunset Shimmer: You said it.
 * Pig: Hey, everyone, watch me bust this move. (breaks something)
 * Piglet: Are you ok?
 * Pig: Things... are broken. (Leaves)
 * Pip: Hey, Bessie, can I teach you the dance of love?
 * Bessie: Is one of the step my hoof on your neck? Cause there's a dance I could really enjoy.
 * Pip: Oh, Shot down.
 * Otis: Achieving maximum funk veloctiy in three.. two...
 * Ducke: Farmer's coming.
 * Otis: What, again with this?
 * Pooh: What do we do?
 * Otis: Ok, barn mode, people, stat.

(Turning everything back to a barn)
 * Pip: All clear.
 * Otis: Good work, people.
 * Pip: Except for that crystal anvil.
 * Rabbit: Whose idea was to get that?
 * Luan: This one on me.
 * Otis: Oh, milk me.

(Otis throws a pitchfork and the anvil drops)
 * Cosmo: We got it.
 * Peck: We're ok.

(Cosmo and Peck fall through the floor)
 * Wanda: Thanks Cosmo!

(The Farmer comes in depressed)
 * Otis: This is the third Saturday night in a row. What gives?
 * Pip: Check it out, I wont even peek. First, the picture of his wife.

(Farmer takes out his wife's photo)
 * Pip: Then the willow stick.

(Takes out stick)
 * Pip: And cue the sad cowboy music.

(Sad music starts playing)
 * Farmer: ..Not gonna cry. Yes, I am. (cries)
 * Abby: Aw, he really misses his wife.
 * Sunset Shimmer: That's really sad.
 * Otis: Guys, unless we want to spend our Saturdays nights crusing the lonley streets of Cry-town, we gotta find this guy a lady.

(Farmer cries louder)
 * Otis: Follow me.

(Cuts to farmer's house)
 * Duke: All right, all right, make this fast, everyone, you shouldn't even be in here.
 * Otis: Here we go. "Lonely Be Gone Online Dating". "Gloom farmer seeks anyone with pulse". All right, that probably use some punching up.
 * Pip: Tell 'em he's rich. The ladies love the cheddar.
 * Otis: Good, ok, "rich farmer."
 * Abby: And he's gotta to be brawny.
 * Otis: "Rich beefcak-y farmer."
 * Sunset Shimmer: Tell em he's a rock star.
 * Luna: Yeah. Ladies dig musicians.
 * Pig: Yeah, but don't say farmer, say, uh, "exploding lion tamer."
 * Abby: More beefcake, ooh, ooh, and say he has a pony. "Has a pony."
 * Otis: Ok, let me read it back to you (Gibberish) Man, I wish we has fingers.
 * Timmy: Hold on guys, this's not how to do this.
 * Pooh: What are you talking about, Timmy?
 * Timmy: Well, the ladies don't want that.
 * Tigger: So, what the ladies want?
 * Timmy: Allow me. (typing) Well, what you guys think?
 * Otis: "Wealthy agricultural with body of a two tonic god wants to share his heart with you."

(Everyone greeds)
 * Wanda: Sounds like Juandissimo Magnifico.
 * Cosmo: What's that suppose to mean?
 * Otis: And now a decent photo.

(Puts the farmer head on a bulk man)
 * Abby: Work for me.
 * Otis: Alright. And... It's away!

(The next day)
 * Otis: I cant believe no one's responded yet.
 * Tigger: What's taking so long.
 * Peck: Now, now, guys, you can't expect a miracle to just zoom up out of nowhere.

(A car drives by and a hot woman comes out)
 * Rabbit: You we're saying.
 * Tigger: (Laughs) Now, that's what I called fast service.
 * Freddy: You can't expect a plate of boneless chicken to just drop out of no where.
 * Pooh: Maybe some honey too.
 * Freddy: We're waiting.

(The farmer opens the door and answers it)
 * Ivana: Darling, you're even more handsome in person. Exactly the kind of man that I, Ivana Sugardadsky, have been waiting for.

(Ivana kisses the farmer)
 * Farmer: Oh, you the exterminator?

(Ivana giggles)
 * Ivana: (Laughs) Such a sparkling sense of humor. Come, join me on a romantic car ride to begin our verdant courtship of destiny.
 * Farmer: Okey-doke.

(The two drove off)
 * Otis: Yes.
 * Timmy: It worked!
 * Freddy: Still Waiting.

The Middle
(6 days later, that night, car pulls up)
 * Ivana: Oh, you flatter me.
 * Pip: Check it out, that's the sixth night in a row they've been out together.
 * Otis: And you know what that means.
 * Pig: Their next date is free with the purchase of a large soda?
 * Sunset Shimmer: Marriage?
 * Otis: No, it means that the Saturday Night Party Train is pulling back into the station. All aboard....
 * (Cosmo turns into a train)
 * Cosmo: Whoo-Whoo, baby. Whoo-whoo!

(Everyone Cheering and doing a conga line)
 * Otis (Singing): Otis want to par-tay! Abby like to par tay! Pig, is so pork-kay! Ferret, he likes satay!

(Duke spots the couple)
 * Duke: They're-They're-They're coming this way.
 * Rabbit: Put everything away!

(They put everything away and Otis Throws another pitchfork at the anvil)

(Freddy and Cosmo catches it)
 * Freddy: (Screams)
 * Wanda: Thanks again, Cosmo!

(The Farmer and Lanva Comes in)
 * Farmer: Something you wanted to show me, Lamb-cakes?
 * Ivana: I hate to be a nudge, darling. But a woman needs her space to call her own, so...

(Throws ax)
 * Otis: (Screams)
 * Tigger: DUCK!
 * Ivana: That's where we put the walk-in closet.

(Throws Pichfork) (Throws other stuff)
 * Pig & Peck: (Screams)
 * Piglet: Look out!
 * Ivana: There's where we put the jacuzzi.
 * Freddy: (Screams)
 * Ivana: Makeup table. Massage Lounge. Indoor Water Park.
 * Farmer: But if I give you the barn, where will I put my animals and my guests?
 * lvana: Darling, I have the perfect place for your adorable besties.

(the next day, everyone is inside into the henhouse)
 * Pig: Gotta say, not crazy about the new digs.
 * Wanda: Your telling me.
 * -I never would have guess that this many could fit into a hen house.
 * -Me neither.
 * Timmy: Hey, does everyone knows where is the TV is?
 * Tigger: Nope.
 * -I hate these new accommodations.
 * -I know. There's barely any room to move around.
 * Otis: I don't mind it actually, it'll give us a chance to really to know each other. Like the various meats in a hoagie.
 * Bessie: I don't want to know anyone like I'm knowing pig right now.
 * Sunset Shimmer: No Kidding.
 * Pig: Hey, bessie, does that look like a rash? Would you mind scratching my-
 * Bessie: Whatever it is, NO.
 * -I don't about this guys.
 * -Yeah, it feels like this house is going to break.
 * Olive Doyle: Don't worry, guys. As long as another 1.68 oz doesn't come in, we should fine.
 * -What of weight would that be?
 * Olive Doyle: I'd say about 2 mice.
 * Pip: Hey, You guys know we hate being alone. Move over.
 * Scruffy: We're coming in.

(Pip squeezing in)
 * All: (General Conversation)
 * -Like that?
 * Olive Doyle: Yep.

(The hen house started to creak)
 * Otis: That's not a good sound.
 * Eeyore: To keep the story short, uh-oh.

(The house collapse, everyone land on each other)
 * Bessie: All right, that's it. That perfumed pain in butt has got to go.
 * Wanda: Second It!
 * Otis: Whoa, whoa, come on guys, guys, let's not be hasty about this.
 * Abby: Hasty? Otis, she's filling up our barn with frilly girl stuff. (Bleches)
 * Tigger: Yeah, she gone to far. Well I say we, stand we fight. I can teach her think or three, why I--.
 * Owl & Gopher (singing): You have no chase, stand and fight, you better stay in bed.
 * Owl (singing): She trouns you left.
 * Gopher (singing): She trouns you right.
 * Owl & Gopher (singing): And tap dances on you head.
 * Piglet: Uh-p-perez we should try to hide uu--.
 * Owl & Gopher (singing): You can try, to best to hide, but remember what we said.
 * Owl (singing): She trouns you left.
 * Gopher (singing): She trouns you right.
 * Owl & Gopher (singing): And tap dances on you head.
 * Rabbit: Run, run! We got a run!
 * Owl & Gopher (singing): You think they can run, and that's jack there bread.
 * Owl (singing): She trouns you left.
 * Gopher (singing): She trouns you right.
 * Owl & Gopher (singing): And tap dances on you head.
 * Timmy: YOU'LL YOU KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!!!!
 * Gopher: What's matter with him?
 * Owl: WHO, well. Obviously he doesn't prescient find music.
 * Otis: Look, I don't like Ivana any as much as you do. But the Farmer, you know, he just seem so happy now. Do we really want to destroy his one chance at true love?
 * Ivana: (Talking on the phone) Hang on a sec'. I'm getting a signal near these stinking animals and dumb kids.
 * Otis: (growls)
 * Ivana: Yeah, the chump farmer's like putty in my hands. Now all I gotta do is rob him blind, sell that yellow bear and his pals to a guy called Bowser and kick him to the curve.
 * Pooh: She's selling us to Bowser?
 * Piglet: Oh, dear.
 * Tigger: Uh-oh.
 * Rabbit: You were saying?
 * Otis: Oh, she's so going down.


 * (Cuts to farmer's house)
 * Otis: Ok, what brought that gold-digger here, hmm?
 * Tigger: A fool?
 * Sunset Shimmer: A chump?
 * Bessie: Your plan?
 * Otis: No, not my plan, money. So how do we get her out?
 * Freddy: Ooh, phony phone calls?
 * Wanda: I'm thinking we stop her with ancient fire breathing fire battle rhinos and a lioth cloth warrior army?
 * Otis: Or we fix her up with someone she think is even richer.
 * Abby: Where are we gonna find a fellow like that?
 * Otis: May I present to you, Signore Gino Batchagaloop.

(Pig come out in a suit)
 * Duke: He looks like a pig in a suit.
 * Otis: Peck...

(Peck puts a mustache on him)

(Everyone is surprised)
 * Freddy: Who is that?
 * Cosmo: Is he new here?

(Later, lavna is getting a tan, and Otis, Pig, Pooh, Tigger and Sunset is spying on her)
 * Pig: I don't know, otis. You really think I can pull this off?
 * Otis: Of course.
 * Pooh: Yeah, you'll do just fine.
 * Sunset Shimmer: Yeah, we believe at you, Pig.
 * Tigger: Yeah, you own a billion-dollar shipping empire.
 * Otis: And your accent, she's a-way over the top-ah. Now you go, you go, you go.

(Pig walks to her)
 * Pig: Ah, bon jovi, señorina. Hey, how do you you like-a the suit? I'm-a owner billion-a dollar shipping empires and, uh I'm-a see you passing-a by and I say to myself "Hey, I'm-a gonna make her mine." (Chuckles) So what do you thinking?
 * lavna: Do you say billion-dollar?

(Pig and lavna went out all day)

(Cut to the Farmer)
 * Farmer: Lamb-Cakes? Still waiting on that massage you promised. (Pickles come out of his Farmer's eyes and fell) Oh, well, I'll give her two more days. Maybe more.

The Ending
(Later that day)
 * Otis: All right, buddy, you're doing great. Now tomorrow, you tell her you're taking her on a cruise to Pastafzoolistan. She gets on board, you don't, and it's sayonara, she-witch.
 * Sunset Shimmer: It can't fail.
 * Pig: Ok Otis, but shouldn't I lead her on a little while longer?
 * Otis: Longer, what?
 * Timmy: Wait? You want to spend with her more time?
 * Tigger: Yeah, how long is gonna last?
 * Pig: I don't know, you know, eight months? Just to really seal the deal, what do you think?
 * Tigger: (gasp and gibbers) WHAT?!
 * Piglet: WHAT?!
 * Pooh: WHAT?!
 * Rabbit: WHAT?!
 * Eeyore: HUH?!
 * Timmy: WHAT?!?
 * Cosmo and Wanda: WHAT!?
 * Otis: Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't believe it, you've fallen in love with her.
 * Pig: Fallen in love? (Laughs) Are you kidding, your kidding, right? Oh, do you honestly think that in a million year that I could ever- (start to sob)Yes. It's true. I love her.
 * All: Pig?
 * Pig: I can't help it. She to most captivation woman I've ever met.
 * Rabbit: But, she's the only woman you've ever meat, Pig.
 * Pig: I know, but she's the one, guys. I knew it the moment I saw her eat a five-pound steak in four chews. Wow, what a babe.
 * Otis: Pig, let us explain the problem with relationship as we see it. How do I put this delightedly? Oh, yes, YOU'RE A PIG! Now, Can we please get black to reality here?!
 * Pig: Oh, well, I suppose you're right.
 * Otis: Now take this ticket and do what's best for the barnyard.
 * Pig: I'll do it. I'll do it for the barnyard.
 * Piglet: Do you think he'll do it?
 * Tigger: It's that, or, the end.

(Tigger fell down)
 * Ivana: Of course I travel with you to Pastafazoolistan, darling. Just tell me when to be on the boat.
 * Pig: I'm a talking pig, and I love you
 * Ivana: What?
 * Wanda: What is he doing?
 * Timmy: Come on, Pig, do it!
 * Pig: Ivana, my treasure I can't go on with lies and deceit. I'm not rich, I'm just a simple, barnyard pig. And I am so much in love with you.
 * Sunset Shimmer: You want something done do it yourself.
 * Tigger: Yeah, let's go out there give her pice our mind.
 * Ivana: I cant believe this. You're not rich!?! (begins to shake Pig) Of all the no-good, dirty double-crosser...
 * Otis: (Clears throat) Drop the pig. We're on to you, "Lamb-Cakes". No one hurts the farmer while we're around.
 * Pooh: And no one is sellling us to Bowser for ransom.
 * Ivana: Well, then I guess I gotta make sure you're not around. Darling...
 * Farmer: What's wrong, Lamb-Cakes?
 * Ivana: Your animals, and your guests, they're so cruel to me. Either those horrible, smelly creatures go, or I do?

(The farmer carried her to her car)
 * Ivana: I knew you make the right choice. ( drops her in the car)What are you doing?
 * Farmer: My animals are my family, woman.
 * Ivana: Fine, I'll just find some other sucker. And let me tell you somethin' else. You, have really let your body go.

(Drives off)
 * Farmer: Goodbye. Good cow.

(Later that night)
 * Otis: All right, people, let's get this party start-

(Pig is sobbing with a picture of Ivana)
 * Pig: Oh, Ivana. I'll never love again. Never, never, never, never.
 * Otis: Uh, Pig, is this going to be a problem?
 * Pig: One second, buddy. (Still sobbing louder)
 * Tigger: Cosmo made 8-foot meatball subs.
 * Pig: Ok, I'm good.
 * Otis: All right, party people, whoo-whoo...

(Everyone dancing and having fun)
 * Abby: You did the right thing, Otis. I just the farmer weren't gonna be lonely again.
 * Otis: Uh, I have a feeling the Farmer's gonna be just fine.
 * Timmy: I wished the farmer to meet some girls on the way to Pastafazoolistan.

( On the cruise ship, the farmer play shuffle board with two giggling girls) THE END
 * Farmer: (Laughs) You liked that, didn't you? That's how the farmer rolls.