Slam Dunk

(Episode begins with Pops' house. Mordecai and Rigby are playing a video game.)

Mordecai: Which way am I gonna go? Which way am I gonna go?

(Phone rings in the background. The guys are revealed to be playing a basketball game. Mordecai's player makes a slam dunk)

Mordecai: Stuffed again!

(Pops come into the room with the phone.)

Pops: Mordecai, it's for you.

Mordecai: Dude, pause it.

(Mordecai stops playing but Rigby continues. Mordecai slaps him

Mordecai (continued): Pause it!

(Mordecai gets up to answer the phone.)

Rigby: Okay! Okay! Geez.

(Mordecai answers the phone from the hallway.)

Mordecai: Hello?

Margaret: Hey, Mordecai. It's Margaret.

(Mordecai is shocked. Meanwhile, Rigby is still playing.)

Rigby: Which way am I gonna go? Which way am I gonna go?

(Rigby makes a shot with his player and laughs.)

Rigby (continued): Eat on that, Mordecai.

(He notices Mordecai coming back and pauses the game.)

Mordecai: Dude! Dude! Margaret just called.

Rigby: What? Why?

Mordecai: She wants me to make her a website.

Rigby: Boo! What about our game of "Hoop Jams 5000?" Mordecai?

(He is running upstairs to the computer room.)

Rigby (continued): Ugh!

(Rigby goes to the computer room, where Mordecai is getting started.)

Rigby (continued): Mordecai! Come on, man!

(He takes the sheet of paper on the desk.)

Rigby (continued): You can't even do it right now, anyway. Muscle Man has the computer for the whole day.

(The signup sheet has Muscle Man for the whole day.)

Mordecai: What?

(He looks out the window.)

Mordecai (continued): He's not even here. He's playing basketball.

(We cut to Muscle Man and Fives playing basketball.)

Muscle Man: Boom-skaka-laka!

Mordecai: Oh, well. You snooze, you lose. I'm sure this will only take a second anyways.

(He starts up the computer, but Muscle Man suddenly appears at the door.)

Muscle Man: What are you doing?

(He breathes.)

Muscle Man (continued): Did you not see the sign-up sheet?

Mordecai: You were outside playing basketball. I figured...

Muscle Man: Oh, you figured? You figured you'd use the computer on someone else's time slot?

Mordecai: Well, dude...

Muscle Man: You wait your turn just like everybody else in this joint. Now get lost. I got to watch my downloads.

(Mordecai and Rigby go into their room.)

Mordecai: Ugh! Why does he have to be such a jerk?

(Muscle Man is laughing in the background. Mordecai and Rigby look out the window and see he's playong basketball again.)

Mordecai: Oh, forget this.

Muscle Man: Did I not make myself clear?

Mordecai: What? You're not even using it!

Muscle Man: I'm waiting for an e-mail from this hottie I met online yesterday.

Rigby: What? You met your mom online yesterday?

Muscle Man: Why you got to take it there bro? Oh, you fools definitely aren't getting the computer now.

Rigby: Who you calling fool?

Mordecai: Dude, I need the computer to make a webpage for Margaret. How about we play you a game of basketball for it?

Muscle Man: Puff! Ha! Ha! Ha! You guys don't stand a chance.

Mordecai: Oh, yeah. Winner gets the computer for a week.

Muscle Man: Oh, you're on. All right, ladies. Why don't you go first?

Mordecai: Check.

Muscle Man: Mate.

Mordecai: Uh!

Muscle Man: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Mordecai: Ah!

Muscle Man: Yeah, baby. Go ahead. You can't make it from there. Oh! Oh! Brick!

Mordecai: Ugh!

Muscle Man: Oh, snap. Hey, Mordecai, you're looking a little confused. Did you know that we only need one more point to win?

Mordecai: What?

Muscle Man: Uh! Boom-shaka-laka! Computer rights for a week! You know who else likes to score so she can get computer rights for a week? My mom!

Margaret: Hey, Mordecai. Thanks for helping me with the website.

Mordecai: No problem. Muscle Man, computer rights for a month.

Muscle Man: I don't know, bro. I think it's worth more to you than that.

Mordecai: Two months.

Muscle Man: Deal. Wo-ho! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yes! Two months of computer rights. Looks like Margaret will just have to go without her webpage, you loser. Huh!

Mordecai: Ugh! This can't be happening! Basketball sucks!

Basketball King: What did you say about basketball?

Mordecai: Uh. Nothing.

Basketball King: Yeah. That's what I thought. You know, you only think it sucks because you don't know the fundamentals.

Muscle Man: Save your breath, old man. These jokers are a lost cause.

Basketball King: Not to me, they're not. I'm the best basketball coach that ever lived. I can train anybody.

Muscle Man: Whatever, Grandpa. If you want to waste your time, that's your business. I got three years of computer time I need to start using. Come on, Fives. Let's go check the weather report.

Basketball King: Don't worry, Mordecai and Rigby. I'm going to teach you to play circles around that little pot-bellied leprechaun. How does that sound?

Mordecai: That sounds awesome.

Basketball King: Man, I don't believe this. Did you guys seriously have to be the worst basketball players of all time?

Mordecai: Dude, come on. We're trying our best.

Rigby: Yeah. We just need a little more practice.

Basketball King: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! No! You just need to not play basketball, but I can't have that pudgy green idiot talking trash about my coaching, so, so I'm just going to give you the powers.

Mordecai and Rigby: Ah! Sweet!

Basketball King: Now ice that green fool so you can make that hot chick a webpage.

Mordecai: Sup now, losers? You ready to get destroyed?

Muscle Man: I don't know if I have the energy to see how bad that old man trained you. If I'm going to get out of this seat, you're going to have to make it worth my time.

Mordecai: Computer rights for life. One game, winner takes all.

Muscle Man: Oh! Ho! This is going to be too sweet. Now that the stakes are serious, we're going to play a real game of basketball. First person to twenty-one wins. Street rules!

Mordecai: Fine with me.

Muscle Man: What? How did you?

Rigby: Stay out my kitchen!

Mordecai: Denied!

Muscle Man: What? Impossible!

Rigby: Oh!

Muscle Man: No one could've trained them that crazy. Take a dive, Fives. I've got a plan.

Hi Five Ghost: Ah! Oh!

Muscle Man: Oh, dudes! Fives is hurt.

Mordecai: Dude, get up.

Muscle Man: Hey, bro. You just took out my teammate. Now I get to choose anyone in the park and I choose that guy.

Mordecai and Rigby: Aw, what?

Rigby: You can't do that.

Basketball King: Sorry, guys, but the rules are the rules. He can't play you two-on-one.

Muscle Man: That's right. You better give me some of those powers, too. Aw, yeah! It's on, ladies. What? What now? W-W-W-W-Which way am I going to go? Which way am I going to go? This is going to be so easy.

Rigby: Yeah, for us. In your face!

Muscle Man: Actually, bro. In yours! Yee! Nineteen-seventeen, us. Game point.

Rigby: Aw, what? How are we losing?

Muscle Man: Um. Maybe because you suck and I hate you!

Mordecai and Rigby: Hm! Hm! Hm! Hm! Hm!

Muscle Man: Oh, snap!

Rigby: How does it feel to know that you're going to have to use the Internet at your mom's for the rest of your life?

Muscle Man: Joke all you want, Rigby, but the next basket wins the game and you guys are going down.

Rigby: Come on. D up, Mordecai.

Basketball King: You better listen to your friend, Mordecai, because this is about to get serious up in here.

Muscle Man: Let go of it!

Basketball King: Hold on!

Mordecai: I'm open! I'm open!

Muscle Man: Oh, no!

Rigby: Do it!

Mordecai: Aw. Dude, we did it. We won!

Rigby: Yeah!

Muscle Man (coughs) Oh, no, bro.

Rigby: Yeah! We get the computer for life!

Basketball King: Hey, guys, good game.

Mordecai: Thanks, man.

Rigby: Yeah, thanks, dude.

Muscle Man: Man, I could've kept Fives in there and he still would've played better "D" than you.

Basketball King: Come on, man. That was a good game.

Muscle Man: Whatever. I'm out of here.

Basketball King: I hope he doesn't give up on basketball because of this. That guy could really stad to lose some weight.

Margaret: Mordecai! Hey, Mordecai!

Mordecai: Margaret! Hey! How are you?

Margaret: Good. Good. Hey, you looked pretty hot out there.

Mordecai: Ha! Ha! Yeah. I guess I am pretty hot. Hot on the trail of finishing your website. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Margaret: Oh, the website? That was two months ago, but it's okay. Eileen finished it for me. Got to run.

Mordecai: Ugh!

Basketball King: Time speeds up in space, bro, but hey. Look on the bright side. At least she said you're hot.