The Santa Clause 2

- I'm gettin' somethin' on the sonar!

- What is it?

Strong reading from

underneath the cap rock, sir!

- Possible oil flow?

- Still analysing.

It's, uh...

Sounds like, uh...

Tiny hammers.

Let's go skating!

- They're coming right at us!

- Take us to Elfcon three!

Take us to Elfcon three.

These guys aren't stopping.

- Take us to Elfcon two!

- Let's go to Elfcon two.

We have a partridge

in a pear tree.

You take us to Elfcon one.

Let's rig for silent running.

- Look alive, everybody!

- OK, we're at Elfcon one.

- I lost it!

- What do you mean, you lost it?

Wait!

What the...?

Uh...

Sir, you're gonna

want to hear this.

Find out where

that music's coming from.

Santa, I've got her

on the locator.

- What now?

- It's just gone.

In the middle of the chorus!

Nobody needs to

know about this.

Maybe we should mention the

Smokey Robinson thing, sir.

We're at Elfcon four.

All clear.

Curtis, what do you say we get

you headphones this Christmas?

It's all right, everybody.

Let's get back to work.

Curtis, you're    years old.

Grow up!

Bernard.

You know I didn't break

any of the rules -

according to The Santa Handbook.

The handbook! Curtis, do you

go pee-pee with that thing?

It says elves are encouraged

to listen to music.

It makes them more creative,

more productive and more alert.

Look out!

Aagghh!

- It's OK.

- Let's go!

Is he all right?

Wow! That's gonna leave a mark.

Oof!

Is that Blitzen?

Looks like Prancer.

- Who is that?

- It was Chet.

- A reindeer in training.

- Oh.

Hmph!

Well, please tell me

that it's early in his training.

Wow! Nice fall.

Curtis, when are you

gonna tell him?

Not now!

It's so cold up here.

How can you not be freezing?

You have not seen cold till you

see where my dad lives. It's...

Don't be embarrassed.

My parents are divorced.

- No big deal.

- I'm not embarrassed.

- Why don't you talk about your dad?

- He doesn't like me to.

- It's complicated.

- Is he a spy?

No, he...

He works with toys and these...

Iittle people. Kids.

Can we just do

what we came here to do?

Sure.

All right.

Charlie, this is

really dangerous.

Someone could catch us

at any moment.

Kinda exciting.

Well, you know, Danielle, I may

not come out of this alive.

So, in case we don't

see each other again...

Aagghh!

Are you OK?

Oof!

- Almost done.

- OK. I'm not leaving.

Hello, Charlie.

Hello, Principal Newman.

OK, try it now.

OK, all right.

Here's what we need.

Get one more bolt on that flange

and it's ready for Christmas.

Good work, guys. Whew!

Perfect job on suspension,

you guys.

Thinkin' outside the box.

I love it.

- Do you want a cookie, Santa?

- Do I want a cookie?

Yes! What's fresh?

Oooh!

Sweet, just like you.

Alexander, let's think.

Take the hat off.

Too much counterweight.

Thanks, Santa. You're the man.

That's why they give me the big

belly, so I don't fall over!

Hey, Joey! How's that

static-free-tinsel coming?

Hey, guys, Santa wants to

see the new tinsel.

I could come up there and take

care of this the ugly way.

Or... we go outside

and play some football.

Curtis, you need to

tell him right now!

I don't know.

He's so happy right now.

And why do I have to be

the one to tell him?!

Because I'm the head elf.

I don't give bad news.

It's one of the perks

of my seniority.

Now, tell him!

Come on, pork chop. Bring it on.

Who you callin' pork chop,

meatloaf?

Meatloaf?!

You wanna talk some trash?

I'll talk trash with ya.

- But first, I'm gonna blitz.

- Ready, set!

- I'm comin' after you, buddy.

- Seven swans a-swimming!

Six geese a-laying!

Five golden rings!

Hike!

Hey, who's got the ball?

I can see it. Let go of me.

He's too quick! He spins!

He moves! He's on the way!

And he might go all the...

way!

Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin'!

Oh, they pile on!

OK, you win!

You guys aren't elves.

You're wizards!

No matter how many times you run

that play I never see it comin'.

Santa? We need to talk.

- That's weird, isn't it?

- Uh-oh!

- These fit yesterday.

- Hot cocoa for you.

This is not a good time, Abby.

I sent Dasher down

for some Brazilian cocoa beans.

- What's the bad news?

- What do you mean?

Whenever you play the designer

bean card, you have bad news.

What are you doing with

the naughty-and-nice list?

Don't shoot the messenger.

- It's... Charlie.

- Sheen?

- I thought he straightened out.

- Not that Charlie.

My Charlie. My son Charlie?

He's on the naughty list?

- There's gotta be a mistake.

- We don't make mistakes.

I'm sorry, Santa.

Please excuse me.

How could this happen? Is this

what you were trying to tell me?

Great! You told him! Let's get

you dressed for that meeting.

I can't have the meeting here.

I'm gonna have to see Charlie.

- Number two, tell him now.

- Tell me what, guys? Come clean.

- Santa, there's a clause.

- That would be me.

No, I mean there's another

Santa clause.

Curtis, in case you haven't

noticed - this time of year,

the malls are filled with

other "Santa Clauses".

Yes, but there's another

Santa clause.

There was a first clause,

but also a second clause.

Get on with it!

When the last Santa fell off your roof

and you put on his coat, you found this.

Right. "He who wears the coat

takes on the responsibilities

of Santa Claus."

And the rest

would be history, right?

But it seems our number two elf,

the keeper of the handbook,

overlooked the single

most important detail

in the history of Christmas!

Wow! One mistake in    years.

Look.

- I can't see that.

- Better now?

- Or now?

- Well...

- Better now?

- It's gettin' there.

- Or now?

- I can't see anything.

I see. Good, good, good.

I see it. OK.

"The card holder acknowledges

a woman of his choosing..."

"True love... Not valid

in the state of Utah..."

"Holy...

matrimony?!"

- I gotta get married!

- Yes.

It's... the Mrs clause.

What if I don't want

to get married?

Oh, dear. The de-Santification

process has begun!

The de-Santification?

Are you telling me that clause

says if I don't get married...

I don't get to be

Santa any more?

Wh-... what about the kids?

What about the elves?

- What about you guys?

- It's not completely hopeless.

You still have time

to find a wife.

- How much time do I have?

-   days.

days? So I've gotta...

find a wife by Christmas.

Actually, Christmas Eve.

- I guess it's over.

- No! You can't think that way!

Please, don't give up hope.

Cos if you do, then we have to.

- Whoa!

Christmas is getting

very complicated.

Santa?

Santa?

- Are you with us?

- I'm sorry, yes. Yes, I am.

Well, on behalf of Father Time and

the Council of Legendary Figures,

I'd like to thank you for being

such a gracious host.

- Hear, hear.

- What a lovely place.

Without further ado, let us

convene the year-end conference.

- Tooth Fairy.

- Thank you, Mother Nature.

Fellow Council members,

I'd like to again propose

a new name for myself.

- Oh, please!

- Good heavens!

In the past, you have rejected

Tooth Man, Tooth Guy and Tooth.

- Because they stunk.

- Today, I'd like to submit...

- Captain Floss.

- Nice!

- Plaque Man.

- And Roy.

- Roy! No.

No kid's gonna put a tooth under

a pillow for a man named Roy.

This from someone in a diaper

who shoots people's butts!

Wait a minute. I got it.

I got it. I got it.

Now, how about this?

The Molarnator.

The Molarnator! I like it.

Thank you, Santa. Can we

vote now on the Molarnator?

All in favour of a name change

for Tooth Fairy?

All right. And all opposed?

Easter Bunny?

- Sandman?

- Wha-...?

What happened?

Was I asleep again?

Name change for the Tooth Fairy.

Yes or no?

No. I'm sorry.

All right. Next item on the

agenda. Santa? Status report.

OK. First, welcome to the North

Pole. Great to have you here.

This is our big time of year,

so things are busy as usual.

There's a little speed bump

in the road this year.

- You all know Charlie.

- I love Charlie!

- Great kid.

- Good boy.

- Sweet kid.

- Good teeth.

Well, Charlie...

got himself on the naughty list.

- What?!

- Oh, my!

I'm struggling with the timing,

cos it's...

I gotta be up here and I've also

got to take care of Charlie...

That's every parent's dilemma:

how to balance

work and children.

Most people lose sleep over that.

Tell me about it! I have

offspring. All in private school.

Well, to top it off... I have to get

married by Christmas Eve.

- What?!

- Otherwise I stop being Santa.

- What?!

- No!

The de-Santification process

has already begun.

Wait a minute.

You do look thinner, and...

- Your beard is shorter! Right?

- You're right!

Apparently,

it's called the Mrs clause.

Don't mess with me, Santa.

I'm pre-El Nino.

No, I'm not messing with

anybody. What I'm saying is...

I have to find a wife in...

days,   hours

and    minutes.

- Wow!

- It's what I do.

Wait a minute. Cupid!

Cupid, come over here.

- What do you need?

- Shoot me with a dart.

- Then I'll fall in love.

- First of all, they're arrows.

Second of all, no can do.

- Why not?

- Arrows have no effect on us.

If they did, I would have shot

myself, met a nice girl,

Ieft the business years ago.

- Enough with the questions.

- You can't stop being Santa.

I don't want to.

Kids are   per cent happier

since you've taken the job.

- He's right.

- This is all I want to do.

But what am I gonna do?

Well, you...

You can't be two places at once.

Maybe you can be.

OK, everyone, can I get the

room for a minute? Thank you.

Can I just...? One minute.

Take a cocoa break.

Have a nice long break.

Relax, everyone.

I want to show Santa some improvements

on the pantograph. Thanks.

Walk with me. I've tripled the RAM

and reconfigured the circuitry.

I see you've externalised

the power source

to make better use of

the electromagnetic energy.

No, it's just there

cos it looks really cool.

Yeah, it does.

Wait a minute.

You tripled the RAM.

I see where this is going. I am

not getting in that machine.

Besides, creating a copy of

Santa won't solve our problems.

- The elves'll know.

- But this would be a special toy!

- How's that, Curtis?

- I added a fuzzy logic circuit.

The duplicate will look

and think just like you.

When you're with your family, dealing

with Charlie, looking for a wife...

The toy will be up here melting

in front of my fireplace.

No, the toy Santa will be

dealing with business up here.

I can deal with

business up here.

Santa, if the elves find out

we've made a switch... Aaggh!

No! No!

This machine is not the answer.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

You! You! Shoo!

Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Look, you can't get

much better than that.

And I promise -

it won't hurt a bit.

- I'm goin' in.

- I can't watch this!

Ow! Ow!

It's perfect!

That's because it's me,

Einstein.

- Santa, are you all right?

- Yeah, I got a shock in there.

Is there supposed to be a shock?

Aagghh!

It's naked!

Throw something over it.

- It's incredible!

- Yes, it is.

Can he talk?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho... ho!

- Not bad.

- Not bad yourself.

I can't put my finger on it,

but there's something

about you that I like.

There's something

about you that I like!

- Watch him. I'll be right back.

- He's coming right back.

Ha-ha-ha!

- Bernard, I need your help.

- What do you mean?

What I mean is

I gotta go see Charlie

and I want you to

convince the elves...

that... toy Santa is me.

- Hm. Have you seen that thing?

- I've seen it.

Keep the elves

at a distance and say

that I've changed my look,

it'll work.

Santa, we're in

way over our heads here.

If anybody can do this,

it's you, number one.

I... I'm not gonna lie to all the elves.

I myself think he looks

absolutely terrific!

Better and fresher somehow

than he has in years.

There's now a more supple

veneer to his skin

and an added lustre

to the thickness of his hair.

You could almost say

there's a...

a toy-like quality to him.

Most importantly, he's very

happy with his new look,

and I would caution you all

not to point or stare

or use the word "plastic".

OK? OK.

Thank you. That's all.

Back to work, please.

Comet, because I don't

want to take Prancer.

I want to take a trip with you.

When's the last time we had a cruise?

I love you, buddy.

Besides, Prancer had too many

apples. We know what that means.

Before you go,

take a look at your watch.

Hey! Can't go anywhere

without that.

- I've done some work on it.

- It's beautiful. It really is.

- You like it?

- The workmanship's fabulous.

It has a power reserve that measures

how much magic you have left.

- It's at ten.

- That should be enough.

But if you use up any magic

for any reason the level drops.

Santa, if it gets to zero - you won't

be able to return to the Pole.

Uh-oh.

Then let's not let it get to zero!

- Now, look at me.

- Mm-hm?

What's the most important thing?

For you not to touch Santa?

For you to come back!

Thank you.

Comet, please just

chill out a little bit, OK?

Come on! It's not like we're

pullin' the sleigh. Right?

There's no packages.

It's one stop.

And I think I might have forgot

we're gonna go see Charlie.

Scott! Hey!

You trimmed your beard.

Yeah.

Come here, big guy.

Whoa! Lost some

weight there, huh?

- Slim-Fast?

- You don't know how fast.

- We should get going.

- Oh, OK.

How do you always know

when there's a problem?

I see you when you're sleepin'.

I know when you're awake.

Which is a pretty frightening

concept when you think about it.

We're really worried

about Charlie.

He keeps upping the ante. This

time he defaced school property.

- It's classic acting out.

- I'm blaming myself for this.

- We're both his parents.

- Where is he?

He's waiting for us

in Principal Newman's office.

Something about her makes me

want to deface public property.

Hello, Mr Calvin. Laura, Neil.

- Miss Newman.

- Principal Newman.

Haven't seen you since the last

time Charlie was in trouble.

I've been travelling for work.

If you spent more time with your

son there'd be fewer problems.

Then I wouldn't spend

so much time with you,

which is always

such a pleasure.

A battle of wits. It's a shame

you come unarmed. Excuse me.

Ouch!

Good morning, Principal Newman.

Mr Picardo, I want you to look into

my eyes. What do you see?

It's dark. And it's cold.

It's your future, Mr Picardo -

keep this up

and you will spend

your life stabbing trash.

- Do I make myself clear?

- Yes.

- So what are you gonna do?

- I'm going to geometry.

Have a nice trip.

It's an affront to authority and

blatant disrespect for property.

If this continues I'll have no

other recourse than to suspend..

Excuse me. Is there a rest stop between

here and the end of the lecture?

I'm more interested in why this

happened in the first place.

So am l. Charlie, we're all

worried about you.

It feels like you're trying to

get someone's attention.

What's bothering you?

- Dr Miller?

- Neil.

- Neil, any theories?

- Well, frankly I have several.

Here we go.

Let's just order a pizza.

Scott, you're not helping.

I was listening to a tape series

on child development last night.

You know what the problem is?

Excuse me, Neil.

It's four weeks until Christmas.

- That's a holiday in December.

- Oh.

Have you noticed the hallways?

Not a decoration, not a twinkle light,

not an expression of the joy

kids are supposed to be feeling.

- What kind of school is this?

- A public school.

A top-rated public school.

That takes effort. And money.

Spending any of that money

on holiday decorations

would take away from

the things that truly matter.

Forgive me, but I think

holiday cheer really matters.

What are we going to do?

We are worried...

Let me handle this. You know

what you did is wrong. Right?

- I guess so.

- There's no guessing.

Guessing is gone.

It was wrong what you did.

And you're not gonna

do it again. Promise me.

- OK.

- There you go.

He won't do it again.

Meeting is adjourned.

It most certainly is not!

Charlie...

You know what else?

Here's a little donation.

Why don't you

buy yourself a wreath?

I am Santa Claus.

Boo!

Yeah. No, no,

I think that this is gonna work.

Good... Good job, Curtis.

Would it kill you to give

a wholehearted compliment?

Ho, ho, ho.

- Ho, ho, ho.

- Santa?

- I need you to look at this.

- All right!

Nice!

No. I mean,

I need you to read it.

Well, let's try to be

specific, shall we?

Ha-ha!

I'll take a look at it

over at my desk.

- How does he know where it is?

- I programmed him that way.

He has most of Santa's memories.

OK, we need you to study

everything that's in that book

because it is the key

to being Santa.

Right! I'll memorise

everything in the book.

I'll follow all the rules.

Cos rules are very important!

- I like this guy.

- I can barely read this.

Hi, Santa.

Uh...

- Hi.

- Oh. You look...

Like he got

a good night's sleep.

Like you got a very

good night's sleep.

How about a nice

chocolatey cocoa?

- Careful, it's hot.

- Of course it is.

Aagh!

Whoo!

That's delicious! I like cocoa!

Cocoa's superior refreshment!

Get me some more cocoa!

Whoo!

Right away, Santa.

Ho, whoa!

I think Santa feels

a little buzz!

Whoooo!

Let me get this straight.

You were de-Santified?

And you only have   days

to find a wife or you're out?

Yeah.

What are you gonna do?

We dated for three years

before you got up

the courage to propose.

That's a pretty serious

commitment issue, isn't it?

Yes, Sigmund. I was afraid

I'd mess up the first time.

- I'm more afraid now.

- Dad, you can't give up.

There's never been

a better Santa.

I appreciate that.

It's for the best. If l

had spent more time with you,

you'd spend less time in

the spray paint industry.

Don't do that to yourself.

You have been a great dad.

And being Santa has made you

an even better man.

I'm gonna go out

on an emotional limb.

Don't try to make me cry.

Believe it or not, you have

a great capacity for love.

I know you can

find someone wonderful

to spend the rest of

your life with.

Don't let the facts that you

have no time, no prospects

and a paralysing fear of

intimacy get you down.

Hm.

Have you ever

helped anyone? Ever?

You know what I'm gonna do? I am

gonna look through my phone book

and see who's still single out

there and not too bitter.

There's divorced moms at school

who'll go out with anybody.

As promising as this sounds,

I don't need help with this area.

Your old man was a high-school

legend. A double letterman.

I had a Mustang.

So as far as dating goes,

I think if anybody can stir up

the old mojo it would be moi.

Come on! I don't think

there's a woman out there

that doesn't want

a piece of this.

- Hi, Mom!

- Lucy!

- Uncle Scott!

- How's my little sweet pea?

Ohh! I haven't seen you in a long time.

- Tell me what's been happenin'.

- I learned to swim underwater.

- And I'm not afraid!

- That's amazing!

Maybe we'll have to go to the mall

and... get some ice cream.

- Plenty of women at the mall.

- Charlie...!

Santa, look forward and

put on a smiley face.

- Say hello to your elves.

- Ho, ho, ho!

You're doing a wonderful job!

Santa, when you said the bigger

wheels, is this what you meant?

Ho, ho, ho!

You're doing a wonderful job!

You're doing great.

Dial it down on the ho-ho-ho's,

but otherwise you're gold.

Ho, ho ho!

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Why don't you just say it? "You

were right, Curtis. I was wrong."

OK, OK, I admit it.

They're happy.

They're working hard.

Everything's going to be fine.

This book is very

interesting reading.

There's a lot of rules

they're not following.

That's what I've been

saying all along.

Things have gotten

a little too sloppy around here.

Yes! Sloppiness means mistakes.

Mistakes aren't a good thing!

I might have to

make some changes here.

- What do you have in mind?

- Let me show you.

There's many things.

Look here...

Neil, are you sure you don't have

any other clothes I can borrow?

I mean, the idea tonight

is to attract a woman.

- What are you talking about?

- I look like a limesicle.

I think it makes you look hot.

What do you think, Laura?

Honestly, what do you think?

Doesn't he look hot, Laura?

I think it's what's inside

that really counts.

- Thought you liked the sweater.

- We'll talk later.

I'm off.

I may need to borrow a car.

I'm parked behind Neil. The

minivan - I just had it washed.

The minivan.

OK, then. Well, wish me luck.

I got a needlepoint sweater,

and a minivan...

See ya in about eight minutes.

Scott? Hey.

- Tracy!

- Yes!

- It's nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- Here, why don't you sit down?

- Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

So, I'm so glad

we finally got to do this.

- I'm pretty nervous.

- Oh, are you?

Laura says

we have a lot in common.

I hear that you love

this time of year also?

It's my favourite time of year

and my busiest time of year.

- Whoa, look at the sweater!

- Yeah!

Some sweater.

Like I should talk!

I also have my Christmas

charm bracelet.

- That's beautiful. Look at 'em!

- Yeah.

I wear it all year long

just to keep the spirit alive.

That's gorgeous. A little teddy bear

and packages. That's very nice.

- So what work do you do?

- I'm in the toy business.

- No way!

- Way!

- That sounds so creative.

- I love it.

- I love creative people.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

So what do you do?

I'm hoping someday to break

into the music business.

- As a singer-songwriter.

- No way!

Way!

- What's your favourite music?

- Country-western.

- Ohh!

- Yeah.

- Do you like Shania Twain?

- Yeah!

- You know that one?

- I know that song.

- You're good.

- Hey!

- That's good.

Put up a tree!

Sports on TV!

Man!

Whew!

You hated it?

It kind of scared me

a little bit.

No, I just. I...

I just... I wasn't prepared

for a performance, so if l...

I put myself out and that was

not an easy thing to do.

If you can't support

a woman's ambition,

then I don't think there's any

reason to continue this date.

- Dad?

- Hey, sport.

How'd it go?

Well...

Let's just say

I'm not bookin' a church yet.

Boy, I'll tell ya,

women are hard to figure out.

- Tell me about it.

- You too, huh? Girl trouble?

Well, there's this one girl.

We just used to be friends and

hang out at the mall and stuff.

Then one day I looked at her

and I got this weird feeling

in the pit of my stomach.

I started worrying about

what to wear

and what my hair

looked like...

And then I wanted to kiss her.

How did she do that?

I don't know.

But they all can do that.

Oh, look at that.

The snow globe!

This is so beautiful. I remember

when Bernard gave this to you.

He said all I have to do

to see you is shake it.

Uh-huh.

Now, all you have to do

is yell down the hall.

And I'm there

whenever you need me.

Yeah.

I'm a little tired, Dad.

I'll see you in the morning.

OK.

- Good night.

- Night.

Can you turn

the light off, please?

Yeah, cos it's

such a big reach for you!

What do you mean

it's not straight?

- Sure it's straight.

- Uh-uh.

- Maybe your head's crooked.

- Prancer's not this picky.

- Yes, he is.

- Hi, Comet.

- Hi!

I've got something for you.

Hey, Lucy,

what have you got there?

Careful with the sweets.

He tends to overeat.

Uncle Scott,

are you Santa Claus?

What? Why would you ask me

something like that?

Cos you have a reindeer,

and only Santa has reindeer.

Nonsense.

A lot of people have reindeer.

Name five.

Well... most of them

live in Finland.

I can't pronounce their names.

Besides, reindeer are too stupid

to make good pets.

Well, I think you're very smart.

Well, I think he's learning

at an excellent rate.

Oh, really? This morning

he ate a bowl of waxed fruit.

Wait a minute.

I need the

naughty-and-nice list.

No.

It says I'm supposed to

check it twice.

- Santa already checked it.

- No, I didn't.

- The real Santa.

- I am the real Santa!

- I'm sorry?

- I'm in charge here.

- What?

- I check the list twice.

That's the rule.

I like the rules.

- You know how I feel.

- You're misunderstanding.

No, I'm the rule-maker. I like

the rules. Santa likes rules.

I've got a good idea.

How about we have some fun?

Huh?

- It's good to have fun.

- Right.

Santa, look over there.

See those elves?

Go ahead.

Go play some tinsel football.

Break!

- What's the object of tinsel football?

- Come on down.

If you don't have the ball,

get it.

If you have the ball,

run to the end zone.

OK, I'll go get the football.

Ready, hike!

I've got the ball. What are you

gonna do? Who's gonna stop me?

Come on!

This is a lot of fun!

Oh, so sorry!

Come here! Stop! Slow down

when I'm talking to you!

Come here, you! Come on.

He's headed east

toward the main entrance!

Hello, Charlie.

Hello, Principal Newman.

Are Laura and Neil

on their way?

No, I volunteered to go solo.

Oh. You look...

You've lost weight.

Feeling all right?

I was until I got

this phone call.

Charlie, you promised you

weren't gonna do this again.

What's the matter with you?

I'm gonna have to punish ya.

I'll ground him for...

two months.

- I thought you were on my side!

- I'll go one better.

- You're suspended.

- But... Dad!

I'm as upset about

this as you, but isn't there

a punishment that doesn't mean

takin' him out of school?

- What did you have in mind?

- We could...

Uh... ah...

Community service?

Huh.

That's not a bad idea.

OK, Charlie. I want you to

start by cleaning up this wall.

I want everything

off of there by tonight.

And then clean off every mark

off every locker in this hallway.

- Every one?!

- Do as she says, Charlie.

But I have homework,

tests to study for.

Not my problem. I have a

detention group on Saturday.

So we will all get together

at the rec centre

and scrape off graffiti at am.

- See you both there.

- You say both of us?

No, l... I'm very busy. I do a

lot of other community service.

That's good. You just got

yourself elected parent rep.

And, Charlie...

We'll talk about the suspension.

Curtis, what is he doing

in the naughty-and-nice centre?

- What's going on?

- I'm checking the naughty-nice list.

- I'm checking it twice.

- I already told you!

It's been checked. Don't worry.

I do worry.

There's a lot of mistakes.

I'll give you

a big fat for instance!

In Denmark, there's a guy

named Sven Halstrom right here.

He's a Dane. He was wiping

his nose on his sister's shirt.

Yuk! That's not very nice!

And yet he's on the nice list.

We try to cut most children

slack this time of year.

I don't understand that!

Kids are misbehaving everywhere.

They're running with scissors.

They're sticky.

"I'm not gonna stop this car!"

"No, we're not there yet!"

"Brush your teeth!"

"Pick up those clothes!"

It goes on and on.

But they're just kids!

Everybody misbehaves some time.

But according to

The Santa Handbook,

naughty kids get lumps of coal

in their stockings. Right?

We will make stockings.

In my opinion, they should all

get coal in their stockings.

- Don't you?

- No! That's not how it works!

Get me the naughty-nice list.

Get me every list!

Get me everything.

Mr O'Reilly, Mr Leary.

You in charge of the gangbangers?

They're students,

actually, and yes.

Keep 'em away from the car.

It's new.

I don't need some delinquent

kids scratchin' it up.

They're not delinquents.

And don't worry about your car.

I'd worry about your legs

in those shorts.

I thought only swimmers

shaved their legs!

Whoa, good one!

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Brought you coffee.

- Thank you.

- So you have a nice-guy side.

- I'm a man of many sides.

I'm a puzzle.

I'm a Rubik's Cube with pants.

- A laugh! Actual laugh.

- Dad, it doesn't come off.

- It's not supposed to come off.

Hence you've got to be

careful where you put it.

Hence tagging is serious.

Hence your presence here.

Don't say "hence" any more, Dad.

It's really annoying.

Nicely done!

How do you do it? I have trouble

with one. You have hundreds.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I was really good this year.

Is that so? Are you absolutely

sure about that, Pamela?

I want a doll house

and a swimming pool.

A swimming pool?

I'm sorry. She insisted

on talking to you.

- It's not a problem.

- OK.

I'll tell you what. If you can

promise me you'll be good,

I can guarantee

you'll have a great Christmas.

- OK! Yeah!

- Come on.

Kids get so nutty

this time of year.

- Is she a neighbour?

- No.

Oh. How did you know her name?

Oh, the... necklace,

it said Pamela on it.

Oh, I guess I missed that. I'm

gonna go check on this group.

You cost me, Pamela.

I just couldn't sleep

thinking about all those rules.

Am I wrong? Am I right?

Does it matter?

Couldn't have been the three

gallons of cocoa I had!

But you understand rules, don't

you? You're highly decorated.

And look at that face.

There you go.

There's a face

only a mom would like.

I don't have a mom,

so I wouldn't know about that.

Now, it's time

for the big event.

Guess what?

Son, it's show time!

You're in the spotlight.

Get bigger with it.

It's your big chance.

I need a little help.

I need a little muscle.

I need a little nudge.

Let's call yourself

the little nudge!

This won't hurt - except for the

electric shock through you.

See ya on the other side!

- Oh. Hi.

- Hi. Uh...

It looks like you're going out.

- Sorry. I should have called.

- No, it's OK. Come in.

- You sure?

- Uh-huh.

- Is there a problem?

- No, no. I just...

I wondered if, um...

If you would...

Do you want to go

get some noodles?

Or pie?

But I don't want to

keep you from your date, so...

Oh, it's not a date. It's the

faculty Christmas party.

Is that your idea of

a night on the town?

Noodles and pie?

- Yes. What would be your idea?

- Pizza and a movie.

- Thick or thin crust?

- Thin.

Good! Movie?

Two For The Road.

Audrey Hepburn, Albert Finney.

Movie's OK, but the car

was the star. '  MGTD.

Racing green, wire wheels...

Beautiful.

I'm impressed. That is

a great car. My favourite car.

Didn't like driving 'em

in the rain.

You have to push it to start it.

Other than that it's perfect.

It's perfect, though.

- I could drive you to your party.

- That would be great.

Except for, eventually,

I'm going to have to get home.

Well, l... I could pick you up.

So you're going to drop me off,

then come back and pick me up?

- Yeah.

- Why don't you just stay?

- All right, I'll stay.

- I'll get my coat.

So, Mr Andretti,

what are you driving?

You know...

I think you're gonna like it.

Mind if I ask you

something personal?

Please.

- You look really different.

- The weight.

It's lndian teas and it's a lot

of salves and stuff. It's...

- Do you want some cocoa?

- Uh, yes.

Cocoa.

You have thought of everything.

Well, this time of year,

l... I really shine.

Yeah, I can't wait

till it's over, though.

Streets are crowded,

the malls are jammed,

people max out their credit cards...

It's noisy.

When did you become

such a cynic?

Oh. I don't know.

I used to love Christmas, too.

It was the only day

that my parents didn't fight.

- Oh.

- Oh.

They were at each other

all the time.

But on Christmas, they tried

to make the holiday special.

My dad went through this charade

so I'd believe in Santa Claus.

He put a cot by the fireplace

so Santa could take a nap...

Like he has time to take a nap!

Consider the amount of gifts

he would have to... deliver.

Why would he nap? He

would probably need some coffee.

Yeah. And there was

cocoa and cookies.

And carrots for the reindeer.

That's a good gesture.

The reindeer love carrots.

And the thought is

important to them, too.

Yeah. And I'd wake up and the cocoa

and cookies would be gone

and the cot would be mussed

and the carrots gnawed.

They swallow them. If they're

fresh they'll eat 'em like that.

They love red bell peppers, too.

You know the stories.

If you read...

And there would be incredible

presents under the tree.

One year was a rocking horse,

and I named it Harvey.

And the next year was

a little red wagon,

which I made a lemonade stand,

which was great.

And the last year was...

It was just... a Baby Doll. She was

pink and soft and beautiful.

- Beautiful?

- Yes.

I believed in Santa so much

I'd get in fights at school

with kids who tried to tell me

that he didn't exist.

And one day

I came home with a bloody nose.

That's when my parents

decided to tell me to...

grow up.

I was devastated, and...

Good, Carol! This is great

sleigh-riding conversation!

- I'm a terrible sleigh con-..

- It's fine conversation.

A person just wants something

to believe in, you know?

Yes, I know. Yes, I know.

OK, we have cocoa.

We have a blanket.

We have a horse-drawn sleigh.

The only thing that's...

- What?

- It's snowing.

- Oh.

As if by magic?

That's what I was gonna say,

that it should be snowing!

I owe you one.

It's a great party.

Look. That guy moved.

- Would you excuse me?

- Mm-hm.

Could I have your attention?

Your attention, please!

There we go. Hi. I'm Scott Calvin and

I just thought I'd step up here and...

and say the word that we've all

been longing to hear.

Fire!

OK. What I think, folks, is

that a lot of you have forgotten

what the true spirit

of Christmas is all about.

Mm?

If you're not willing

to dance or laugh or flirt

or risk the buffet, I don't

think we have much choice.

So before the choir gets out

here I say we rock this house

with a secret Santa! Huh?

Carol - happy, happy Christmas!

I think they're just

decorations for the carollers.

She's afraid these are

decorations for the carolling.

I think Carol is right

about the carolling!

I'm talking about the packages

that are backstage.

There aren't any

packages backstage.

Ohh! There's none back there.

So I was mistaken

when I saw this bag of gifts.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it sure

looks like a bag of gifts.

Ohh! It's heavy

like a bag of gifts.

Look at this! What's in here?

It's very heavy, very heavy.

John Pierce.

Doesn't your mom call you JJ?

Merry Christmas, JJ.

No way.

This is Toss Across!

I used to love this

when I was a kid!

But I never told anybody.

Where did...? Who did this?

Grace Kim.

Yes, there you are!

Merry Christmas.

- Thank you.

- Tom Astle.

- Me! Sorry, Gordon.

- Hey!

- Haven't changed a bit!

- Gee, thanks.

- Lizzy Garcia.

- Here.

- There. Merry Christmas.

- Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots!

Mint condition!

This is incredible!

The Holly Hobbie Oven!

Come on up and get

the rest of your presents.

- Marie?

- Here!

There she is. Katie. Jerry.

- Here!

- Cory. Cory?

Here!

- Carl, you need a net.

- Not me!

This is great.

Hey, party animal,

you want to play?

- I can't figure it out.

- It's beanbag tic-tac-toe.

No, I mean

the secret Santa thing.

Someone tracked down all those

wonderful antique toys.

Probably someone who knows

his way around eBay.

- Yeah.

- Yep.

It was you. I know it was you.

I just can't figure out...

How did you do it?

Sometimes you don't need

to know all the answers.

Speaking of which...

Even the principal

needs a Christmas gift.

Merry Christmas.

Come on, open it. Rip it open.

Come on.

We're not gonna save the paper.

It's Baby Doll.

Come here.

- Did you call the office?

- No.

- Did they call you?

- It's not like that.

- Did you investigate us?

- No, I wouldn't do that.

Did you...? I told you about

Baby Doll an hour ago, and...

Did you send someone to...?

- No.

- No.

Well... I don't know

how you did it.

It's like some kind of magic.

Yeah, sort of like

some kind of magic.

And... and pretty much

the last that I have.

What? Well, what...?

You know what?

I don't want to know.

What you did in there tonight

for everyone was wonderful.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have done that.

- Is that OK?

- Yeah.

Got this weird feeling

in the pit of my stomach.

I'm, um...

I'm not...

real good at this.

Where did that come from?

I don't know.

Hi! Merry Christmas!

Ho, ho, ho!

Can I have your attention?

Stop the work, please.

Everybody stop the work.

- Merry Christmas!

That's nice. I have a little

announcement to make.

From this moment forward, we're

not gonna make any more toys.

The children of the world

don't deserve presents.

They're running rampant

with naughtiness.

This Christmas we're gonna

give those greedy kids

exactly what they deserve.

A beautiful, high-quality

yet low-sulphur variety of coal!

Quiet!

We have to focus,

all of us, on the goals ahead.

And just to make sure

that that happens...

Thank you, sweetie.

I... I hate to blow my own horn.

Stay where you are!

Don't be afraid!

Back! Back!

I was up late, couldn't sleep.

Milk wouldn't do it,

cocoa is a little sweet,

so I decided to make

an army of toy soldiers.

They don't have

a good sense of humour like me.

I would do what they ask you.

Which is what I'm going to tell you!

Don't listen to him!

This guy's not Santa!

- He's not Santa?

- He's a toy!

He has a rubber face

and a plastic tushy!

Trust me!

Don't let him ruin Christmas!

Thank you for

those kind words, Bernard!

Well, now that we all

have an understanding,

have a joyous and

merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

OK, ready? Go!

This is what I call

community service!

Here she comes. Duck down!

Hey!

Attention you hooligans

behind that snow bank!

You have snowballed

the wrong house.

Drop the snowballs, kick them

away from the snow suits

and keep the mittens

where I can see them.

Your dad is hanging with

Principal Newman?

- Is he dating her?

- No.

Go to your homes.

Uh... pelt the ones you love.

- And a merry Christmas!

- That is really gross, man.

- Shut up.

There are things about me you

should know. Personal things.

We don't need to

rush things, Scott.

I think you need to

know these things.

OK.

Um...

Remember the mistletoe,

how it just showed up?

- Yes.

- And the sleigh.

- How magical that was?

- Yes.

Secret Santa Claus?

- That was me.

- Yeah?

I'm not this size much. I'm

usually much bigger than this.

So am I sometimes.

I have a big white beard

that's beautiful.

- I don't.

- I work a long way from home.

When I get back home,

I sleep for a long time.

See? OK.

It's not so bad so far.

You work far away from home

and you sleep a lot.

You've never been to prison

and you don't wear socks with sandals.

Well...

I'm Santa Claus.

What?

The suit, the red suit's real.

The North Pole is a place.

There are elves. They make toys.

They're beautiful and it's real.

- I exist.

- That's not funny.

- It's magical.

- Cut it out.

I'm telling the truth.

I told you something personal

from my childhood

and now you're making a joke

out of it and it's not funny. It hurts.

I know how hard this is to

believe, but connect the dots.

- Think what's happened.

- I know what's going on.

- Think about the little girl.

- You felt something for me.

Now you're acting like a mental

patient because you're scared.

- I deliver gifts in a sleigh.

- lncredible.

I go down chimneys with burning

logs and I still deliver gifts.

I'm not scared.

That's not what this is.

If you're trying to

push me away, it's working.

Carol, don't make me leave.

Please.

- How could you pick her?

- I didn't.

You don't care any more.

I care more about you

than anybody.

But it's a two-way street.

- You won't confide in me.

- You want it? Here it is.

- What? Talk to me.

- I don't live a normal life.

- You live a great life here.

- Just listen to me!

My friends get to go around

saying, "My dad's a plumber."

"My dad's a pilot." "My dad's

a dentist." You know what?

My dad is the best thing of all

and I can't tell anyone.

You have no idea how hard it is,

walking around with that secret.

And now you're going out

with Principal Newman!

And you don't even

tell me about it.

My whole life has become

about secrets, and I hate it!

I'm sorry.

Forget about

Principal Newman, all right?

And forget about Santa.

I'm done.

My time's up.

Who cares any more?

- Hi, Charlie.

- Hi, Lucy.

- What are you doing?

- Just shovelling.

Oh.

Charlie, is Uncle Scott

Santa Claus?

No.

Why would you think that?

I don't know.

- How come Uncle Scott was sad?

- What makes you think that?

I asked him to stick

a straw in his nose

and blow bubbles

in his milk.

- And he said no.

- Whatever.

- Can you talk to him?

- I don't think so, Lucy.

- Did you have a fight?

- Sort of.

- Are you gonna make up?

- I don't know!

- Are you gonna be mad forever?

- Lucy!

- What?

- These are hard questions.

No, they're not. They're easy.

And you can't be mad

at him forever, Charlie.

He's your daddy

and you love him.

¡Ó Dashing through the snow

¡Ó In a strip-mining machine

¡Ó Flatten the hills we go

Come on!

Put a smile on that face,

little troll!

Wait a minute. I got a joke.

This'll cheer you up.

- Knock, knock!

- Who's there?

- Aren't you?

- Aren't you who?

Aren't you supposed to

get back to work?!

All of ya! You little idiots!

Back to work!

Got any twos?

Hm.

Go fish.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Whooaahh!

- What was that?

- I don't know.

- Want some more hot chocolate?

- Mm-hm.

OK.

- Would you get that, honey?

- Yeah, sure.

Is S... Scott here?

- Who are you?

- Uh...

Curtis, a friend from...

Buffalo.

- Are you an elf?

- Of course not!

Why would you ask

such a silly question?

How come you have pointy ears?

It's... because I never

ate my green vegetables.

Do you eat

your green vegetables?

Uncle Scott!

Yeah, I'm right here.

What's wrong?

Oh... Curtis! What are you doin' here?

There's a little

trouble at the...

plant.

It's OK.

Curtis is a very old friend.

We have a large, uh... firm.

We work together in...

- Buffalo.

- Buffalo?

We work together in Buffalo.

So... we're gonna talk business.

- What business?

- It's none of your business.

Soon I'm gonna be seven.

And then I can know things.

- Good night, Curtis.

- Good night, Lucy.

Good night, Lucy.

- What's up?

- Toy Santa's out of control.

He's locked up the elves,

shut down the workshop,

he thinks everybody's naughty

and he's gonna give everyone coal!

- Why didn't Bernard tell me?

- He's under house arrest.

Bernard?!

Fly back with me to the North

Pole to save Christmas!

I can't. I have no magic left.

I'm out of magic. Look.

Grrrr!

- I thought you had Comet.

- Yeah, we...

Yes! Come on!

Hey, Comet. We just...

Comet?

Comet?

Look at me.

- Comet...!

What are ya doin'?

- Eating sugar is bad for you.

What do you mean,

you didn't eat this?

Who did?

A squirrel?!

Get this. You gotta fly both

of us back to the North Pole.

- Yeah, tonight.

OK. I'll help you up.

All right? Ready? You've got to

help me a little here.

Pull.

Ai! Gah!

Good. OK, we almost got it.

That's OK.

OK, now, help me.

Can ya move anything?

Fire in the hole! Get away!

Whoa!

Eat some roughage, will you?

- Oh, what about the jet pack?

- It burned up on reentry.

What am I supposed to do?

Grow wings?

I hope he doesn't have

too many stops to make tonight.

You and me both, pal.

OK. Let's just get it over with.

OK.

One, two...

Three!

- What's going on down there?

- Are you sure about this?

What? The old toaster trick?

When we were kids we used to do

this to get a little extra cash.

- Works every time!

- I can't watch this.

- You ready, buddy?

- All right. Let her rip.

One,

two,

three!

Ow!

Oh, Scott!

- Scott, are you all right?

- Mom!

- Yes?

- I lost another tooth.

Should I put it

under my pillow?

Yes!

By cuspids!

Shhh.

This way. Come on.

Curtis, get the door.

It's a Tooth Fairy ambush.

What do you people want?

I only carry $  in change.

Tooth Fairy, it's me, Santa.

I've lost the weight

and the beard, but it's me.

I know Santa. Santa is a friend.

And you, sir, are no Santa.

I am too.

How did I know I could capture

you by holdin' on to a wing?

You wanted to change your name

to Captain Floss or Plaque Man.

Or, as I recall, Roy.

And it was Santa's idea

to call you the Molarnator.

- Who's the kid?

- One of my elves. He's an elf.

Ow.

Santa!

The Molarnator at your service!

- A little altitude, please!

- What?

Could you possibly

fly a little higher?

Oof!

- What?

- Never mind!

Principal Newman?

What is it, Charlie?

You keep asking me if there's

something bothering me.

Well, there is. I...

I couldn't talk

about it before, but...

I want to talk about it now.

OK. Go ahead.

- My dad is Santa.

- Oh, please. Not you too.

Hold on.

If you have no feelings

for my dad, then fine.

But if the only reason

for not being with him is

that you don't believe in him,

you're making a big mistake.

Oh, Charlie...

Here.

I want you to take this.

Look into this and...

try to remember what it was like

when you were little

and you still

believed in Christmas.

Seeing isn't believing.

Believing is seeing.

You haven't seen anything yet!

- Curtis?

- What? Ow!

- What do I do?

- Slow down.

OK.

Piece of cake. Attaboy.

There you go.

Why can't you fly higher?

Tooth Fairy, I want to thank

you. I'll never forget this.

I wish I could do more,

but I gotta go.

Denver just started

a new pee-wee hockey league.

Before you go,

I want you to know that nobody,

nobody was

braver than you were today.

You should be

proud of your wings.

- They're not too girly?

- Not on you.

Wouldn't it be easier

to go through the workshop?

No. That way Santa and his

soldiers would be expecting us.

Sound military strategy involves

taking your enemy by surprise.

It's good strategy.

Sometimes being a despot

is a tough business.

Come on.

It's Scott, isn't it?

Yeah. What are you

supposed to be?

A better, stronger version

of what you used to be -

with a flawless complexion,

I might add.

- Look, it just glistens.

- Listen to me. I'm back now.

So untie us. Let the elves go

and give me back the coat.

No can do! It's Christmas Eve!

I have coal to deliver!

And I don't want those

naughty kids to suffer!

Boys! One, two, three!

And... one, two!

Try to keep up!

Let's go. Move it on!

Try to...

This is just too tight.

This is all my fault.

I thought I could

create another Santa.

My elfin pride

blinded me to all reason.

There's only one Santa.

Well, I've done

a pretty rotten job.

I didn't check the list twice.

My kid thinks I betrayed him.

I hurt the woman I love.

I ruined Christmas.

Charlie!

How'd you get up here?

Scott!

I got to fly in

with the Tooth Fairy.

- Are you OK?

- Yeah.

Brush between meals

and don't forget the floss.

And if anybody cares,

I'm exhausted.

And she...

has a beautiful smile.

- Thank you for everything.

- No. Thank you.

I am... the Molarnator!

Whoo!

Come on!

Hyah!

Get out of the way!

What are you doing?

- You gotta save Christmas.

- How am supposed to save...?

- No, no, no.

- Please. Don't worry.

Whoa!

Slow down.

Stay.

Whoah!

Oh, Chet...

Ouch! Ow! Oh, oh, oh!

Thanks. Excuse me, pork chop.

OK. Chet, this is it.

You ready to rock and roll?

- Chet?

- Yeah. He's still in training.

- Has he had much flight time?

- About a minute and a half.

- He's had a lot of crash time!

- Curtis...!

- He's just a baby.

- All right.

Let's see what this baby can do.

- Oh, boy.

Ready to go, buddy?

You know what we gotta do.

Hyah!

Chet! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Chet, Chet.

You gotta focus, Chet.

OK, everybody! Outside, now!

Almost there, boys. Let's go!

- Chet, whoa!

Snowballs, on three!

One!

Two!

Three!

OK, elves...

Let's get 'em!

Whoa, whoa! Not so far!

- Whoa, Chet!

- Whooh!

Back for more action,

eh, scooter?

- Chet, Chet!

Cut the chitchat, Chet!

Why is this such a problem?

Come on!

Where do you think you're going?

- Go, go!

- Hyah, boy! Come on!

Faster!

The lead.

The one in the front, Chet!

Leave my reindeer alone!

- Go! Go! Go!

Come on! We got to get them

before they get out the hole.

Stay away from my lead reindeer!

- Whoo!

Holy Hannah,

he's an action hero!

Hyah!

What are you doin' up there?

I can't see where I'm driving.

You are a sad,

strange little man.

Whoa!

You're gonna fall... I hope!

That's a good way

to lose an eye!

Look out! You're scaring me!

Can I help you?

Honey, I'm home!

Loser!

Hey, I'm supposed to wear this

coat! How about a little elbow?

There you are.

That's gotta feel good.

You want the shoe?

Take it off. Go ahead. Go on!

Uh?

What are we gonna do now,

smartypants?

Watch out!

The building! Left, left!

Oh, well.

The town'll break the fall.

Look out!

Yo, Tony! Hey, Brian, stop me!

Oof!

Get off of me! Now remember,

rules are very, very important!

I want hot chocolate.

Hey, guys, back up. I've

got a special place for him.

You idiot! Wait a minute,

something's shocking me.

- You were great.

- Sounds like you were too.

- We've got ten minutes.

- Where is Carol?

- Carol! Are you all right?

- Yes!

- Where are you going?

- I gotta deliver gifts.

Aren't you forgetting something?

- No.

- You gotta get married.

Excuse me?

Carol, l...

I cannot continue being Santa...

unless I find a Mrs Claus.

Oh. So that's what the whole

noodles and pie thing...

- You just needed a wife.

- No.

No?

- Yes.

- Yes?

Yes, I was looking for a wife.

No, I didn't figure on

falling... in love.

You love me?

- This is all happening so fast.

- Well, there's no pressure.

Good.

I mean, if I don't get married

I just won't deliver the gifts

and children everywhere

will stop believing,

the elves will lose their jobs,

the North Pole will disappear

and Christmas will be gone.

- Get down on one knee.

- Hm?

Do it. Now.

Say "Carol."

- Carol.

- Uh-huh?

Yeah?

You say this is happening

all so fast.

You say this is happening

all so fast.

But you've known me

your whole life.

But you've known me

your whole life.

When you were

little and alone...

- Santa...

- I can take it from here.

..Santa was always

there for you.

And I will be, as long as you

continue to believe in me.

I know I'm asking you

to leave everything at home,

but I can guarantee you

that this is worth it.

This place...

This place is all about magic

and love... and wonder.

And occasionally

a thin-crust pizza

and a movie and

a long winter night.

Is there a school here?

Yeah, we have one, a school, but

the elves need a new principal.

Cos as of late some of the elves

have been acting a bit impish.

Carol...

- I love you.

- You do?

Would you be my wife?

I will.

Thank you.

I've got it from here.

I will.

By the powers vested in me

by me,

I now pronounce you Santa

and Mrs Claus.

Well, go on now. Kiss her!

Awwww!

- Dad, we gotta go.

- Walk me to my sleigh.

We gotta go! When we get back,

we start making some more toys.

All right. Well, Mrs Claus,

you might want to get some rest.

You see, tomorrow begins

vacation season for me,

which means a three-month

honeymoon for us.

Nothing tropical. You do not

want to see this in a Speedo.

Don't be home too late.

And so it begins.

Boys, we've got

some toys to deliver!

Hyah!

Lucy?

What, Charlie?

Come downstairs.

I want you to see something.

Lucy.

Watch this.

Uncle Scott?!

- Do you have any twos?

- Go fish!

You are Santa!

I knew it was you all along.

- And you were right.

- Uncle Scott...

You look all rosy.

Are you feeling better?

I'm feeling much, much better.

Is there anything else

I should know about?

I don't know. But Charlie has

something he wants to tell you.

OK.

You know, I was exactly your age

when I found out my dad was Santa.

- But I couldn't tell anybody.

- I can't tell anybody either?

No. But knowing it

isn't a burden.

It's a gift.

Most kids stop believing in

Santa when they grow up.

But I get to

believe in him forever.

I love you, Charlie. Thank you.

But do we still get toys?

If you ever get to bed and go to

sleep like the other kids.

Oh... OK!

- Merry Christmas, Lucy.

- Merry Christmas, Santa.

Sport, I gotta fly.

- Easy, boys, easy.

You're gettin' it, Chet.

Look, Charlie!

Merry Christmas, Comet!

All right, boys!

Hyah! Ho, ho, ho!

- Hyah!

Merry Christmas to all!

And to all a good night!

Nothin' wrong with

a straight line, Chet.

Chet! Chet!

Hey!

What the heck

are we doin' out here?

Agh!

Look, if we're gonna dance...

dance like this.

All of us!

Everybody, you idiots!

Hey, lady!

Watch this!

Ever seen a toy do this?

Where you going?

Whoo!


 * Scott/Santa: "The card holder acknowledges a woman of his choosing. True Love... Not valid in the state of Utah. Holy... Matrimony?" I gotta get married!
 * Bernard: Yes. It's the Mrs. Clause.


 * Sntaa: Wait a minute, I got it. I got it. I got it. How about this? The Molarnator.
 * Tooth Fairy: The Molarnator. I like it. Thank you, Santa. Can we vote right now on The Molarnator?


 * Abby: It's... Charlie.
 * Santa: [Obliviously] Sheen? I thought he straightened out?
 * Abby: Not that Charlie.
 * Santa: My Charlie. My son, Charlie? He's on the naughty list? There's gotta be a mistake.


 * Lucy: Uncle Scott, are you Santa Claus?
 * Scott: What makes you say that?
 * Lucy: Because you have a reindeer and only Santa has reindeer.
 * Scott: Lots of people have reindeer.
 * Lucy: Name 5.


 * Carol: Well, maybe if you spent more time with your son, there would be fewer problems.
 * Scott: Maybe, but then I wouldn't get to spend more time with you. It's always such a pleasure.
 * Carol: Oh, a battle of wits. It's a shame that you came unarmed.


 * Picardo: Good morning, Principal Newman.
 * Carol: Mr. Picardo, I want you to look into my eyes. What do you see?
 * Picardo: It's dark... and it's cold.
 * Carol: It's your future, Mr. Picardo. Keep this up, and you will spend the rest of your life stabbing trash by the highway. Do I make myself clear?
 * Picardo: Yes.
 * Carol: So, what are you going to do?
 * Picardo: I'm going straight to 3rd-period geometry.
 * Carol: Have a nice trip.


 * Toy Santa: [singing] Dashing through the snow in a strip-mining machine. Flatten the hills we go Come on! Put a smile on that face, little troll! Wait a minute. I got a joke. This'll cheer you up. Knock, knock!
 * Elf: Who's there?
 * Toy Santa: Aren't you?
 * Elf: Aren't you who?
 * Toy Santa: AREN'T ARE SUPPOSED TO GET BACK TO WORK?! All of ya! You little idiots! Back to work!


 * Bernard: Where are you going?
 * Scott: You know this number one its Christmas I've got to deliver gifts
 * Bernard: Aren't you forgetting something?
 * Scott: No
 * Bernard: You gotta get married.
 * Carol: Excuse me?
 * Scott: Carol, I... I cannot continue being Santa...unless I find a Mrs Claus.
 * Carol: Oh. So that's what the whole noodles and pie thing...You just needed to find a wife.
 * Scott: No
 * Carol: No
 * Scott: Yes
 * Carol: Yes
 * Scott: Yes, I was looking for a wife. No, I didn't figure on falling... in love.
 * Carol: You love me? This is all happening so fast.
 * Scott: Well, there's no pressure.
 * Carol: Good.
 * Scott: I just won't deliver the gifts and children everywhere will stop believing, the elves will lose their jobs, the North Pole will disappear and Christmas will be gone.
 * Abby: Get down on one knee.
 * Scott: Hm?
 * Abby: Do it. Now. Say "Carol."
 * Scott: Carol.
 * Carol: Uh-huh? Yeah
 * Abby: You say this is happening all so fast.
 * Scott: You say this is happening all so fast.
 * Abby: But you've known me your whole life.
 * Scott: But you've known me your whole life.
 * Abby: When you were little and alone...Santa...
 * Scott: I can take it from here... Santa was always there for you. And I will be, as long as you continue to believe in me. I know I'm asking you to leave everything at home, but I can guarantee you that this is worth it. This place... This place is all about magic and love... and wonder. And occasionally a thin-crust pizza and a movie and a long winter night.
 * Carol: Is there a school here?
 * Scott: Yeah, we have one, a school, the elves need a new principal. Cause as of late some of the elves have been acting a bit impish. Carol I love You
 * Carol: You do?
 * Scott: Will you be my wife
 * Abby: I will
 * Carol: Thank you. I've got it from here. I will.