The Tree of Flesh

1 [DISTANT GUNSHOT.]

[BELL TOLLS.]

[CRYING.]

So, you all want to know how Mr. Pickles was killed, huh? Well, that's one heck of a story.

See, it all started about a week ago I'd wanted grandpa for those murders in the bar, and something told me he was in Mexico city, which, after some detective work, I deciphered was probably in Mexico.

I assured the Goodmans I was taking this case very seriously.

Who's a good widdle boy, Mr. Pickles? [BARKING.]

You are! Sheriff, I know my dad's crazy, but do you really think he's a killer? Old town has hundreds of unsolved murders.

Good boy, Mr. Pickles.

Grandpa was at the scene of a murder.

Who else could the killer be? - Mr. Pickles! - Huh? Sheriff, he's been doing this to Mrs. Prissy paws.

She's a showdog, not a tramp! - Ohh, boy! - Huh? No! Look at him go! Sheriff, do something! Wish I could help.

But if wishes were fishes, I'd have bigger grandpas to fry.

And I do.

Peace out.

I'm not a saint I ain't no savior So you'd better run Or else I'll get away And I walk down a dark road Every day Once I flew into "Meh-hico," started asking all the right questions.

I got to go pee-pee.

Donde esta el banjo? Next, I got to know the locals.

MAN: Vamanos! Give me back my picture, you stupid donkey! Finally, I found somebody with some "Info-may-cion.

" Aloha.

You seen this grandpa? I sure have.

Ha! Aah! [LAUGHS.]

Uh-oh.

Now, let's go for a little ride.

Grandpa convinced me to willingly take him on one last joy flyde before I took him in.

Give me my gun! Seemed he'd been looking for some information of his own.

Hey, what's that? Said he'd learned about some mexican temple where he found a map.

The lost city of the pabanatra thogonothorox.

If I can find it, maybe I'll find a way to kill Mr.

Pickles.

Geez, you really are crazy.

Oh, really? Look! Huh? GRANDPA: [LAUGHING.]

Whee! Aah! Uhh! What the hell? Ohh! Uh, this place gives me the jeebie-heebies.

Just turn yourself in.

Last chance.

Okay, I get it.

Great.

Let's get you to jail.

No, I get why Mr.

Pickles is evil.

[GROANS.]

See, the pabanatra was originally a human civilization known for sacrificing dogs to appease the gods.

But one day, they were sacrificing a dog named purzunipher, who belonged to an old witch.

She cast a spell on the kingdom, and after they killed her dog, a puppy arose from the ashes, gunthztar, the first evil dog.

He gained control of the animals and with their help, took over the kingdom.

After that, the pabanatra was ruled by one dog after another Okay, enough about poonstar and glib glob.

Let's go.

No, I'm just getting to the really interesting part.

You see, when the evil dogs [GROANS.]

He just went on and on with these overly specific details nobody would ever care about.

And that's how Mr. Pickles became the last evil dog and wound up in old town.

Hey! Time's up, grandpa.

I'm taking you to jail! Huh? I'm afraid I can't let you leave.

[CHUCKLES EVILLY.]

Let me guess.

Mr.

Pickles turned you into a centipede, vanished you to this island, and now you must send that vulture to tell Mr.

Pickles we're here, or he'll torture you All right, grandpa's a little crazy.

Whack job.

[CHUCKLES.]

No, that's exactly right.

Huh? Mr. Pickles did this to me, because I tried to kill him once.

Me, too.

But he's too smart.

Smart.

And he trusts nobody.

Nobody.

That dog is evil Evil.

Ohh.

Ohh.

I think we're having a moment.

Yeah.

You know, it gets so lonely here on the island.

What? No.

Sorry.

Uhh, sheriff? Can't you see? Mr.

Pickles is evil! He framed me for murder.

Come on.

Mr.

Pickles is a good boy.

He's always helping me catch murderers around town.

You know, he was my k-9 dog once.

We're friends.

So, Mr.

Pickles trusts you? Mr.

Pickles? Oh, yeah.

We're tight.

Oh! [CACKLING.]

Then we can use that to our advantage.

What are you talking about? Here, the old witch's spell book.

Nobody cares about some dumb book! Now, give me back my gun! You must be careful with this book.

If it leaves this room, the volcano will erupt.

[GROANS.]

Here! "when the ritual of the tree of flesh is performed on a living soul, a tree will emit the light of the zarg-glarg.

Any bodies who enter it will have their living souls moved from one body to another.

Oh, I can't get close enough to kill Mr.

Pickles in my body, but I could in sheriff's.

Wait.

What? [GRUNTING.]

hey, let me go! First, he must be slapped in the face with a tuna 100 times.

What? Aah! They did horrible things to me.

Made me eat a sloth's butt that was stuffed with mouse butts.

Tied bats to my eyelids and let a wild boar lick beetle spit out of my belly button.

Made me say my name backwards while lizards pooped in my ears and a beaver punched me in the stomach, so on and so on.

But the last thing they did to me, ugh, it's hard to even talk about.

Finally, he must eat A brussels sprout.

What?! No! Eat it! No way! They're yucky! Eat it! Now the ritual of the tree of flesh is complete.

Oh, come on.

Nothing? Sheriff, did you eat that brussels sprout? No, they're yucky! Ptew! What? No! No! Oh! That was the only brussels sprout we had.

Ugh.

Damn it! We'll never get close to Mr.

Pickles now.

He'll smell us coming a mile away.

Wait.

That reminds me of something! Evil dogs can't smell enemies further than 666 yards away.

That means we don't We don't have to get close to Mr.

Pickles at all! Freeze, lady! I'm taking this grandpa to jail! No! What? Hey! Come on! Where are y'all going?! To kill Mr.

Pickles and end this evil once and for all! Peace out! [LAUGHS.]

I'm come back for ya! Damn it! Huh? Oh, whoops.

[BIRD SQUAWKING.]

Huh? [RUMBLING.]

uh-oh.

Eh, lava was nothing I was ever worried about.

Mama! We're talking about me, man.

I got a heart so packed full of bravery, it could just leap out an open window.

And that's just what I did.

Sure, some of the things grandpa said did check out the map, the lost city, the weird lady who backed him up.

Were they both senile or was Mr. Pickles a killer? Either way, sheriff always gets his man.

'Cause when you're riding with me, you're riding with the best, baby.

One sniper rifle, please.

Huh? SNOBBY MAN: Sorry, Mrs. Prissy paws.

No sleep till you learn the dance moves.

We got to win finals.

Here's another triple-shot macciat ohh! No! Mrs.

Prissy paws, do something! [BARKS.]

I can't thank you enough for helping me with this.

Anything for you To help me with this.

Ugh.

[BOTH MOANING.]

Wait! Hey! Where are you taking me? What the hell is this place? Aah! What? He must be slapped in the face with a tuna 100 times.

Say what? Aah! No! Aah! Finally, he must eat a brussels sprout.

[GROWLING.]

Hey, what the hell? [BARKING.]

I am so telling sheriff about this.

[GUNSHOT.]

[PANTING.]

Freeze! Drop the weapon! And that's how it all happened, how Mr.

Pickles was killed.

But also, how I took down old town's killer.

Him, right there! [ALL GASP.]

You see, grandpa was innocent, so was Mr.

Pickles.

'Cause guess what I found in his pocket? "I did all murders in old town.

I is guilty.

" let this be a lesson to you all.

You want to do crimes in this town, think twice, 'cause old town's got one bad son of a mama.

Me, sheriff.

Hey, where'd he go? Hey! Come back here! [MRS. GOODMAN SOBBING.]

TOMMY: Don't cry, mom. Dad says Mr. Pickles is just taking a dirt nap.

He'll wake up soon.

Right, dad? [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]

sure, Tommy.

[BARKS.]

Gotcha, Mr. Pickles.

See, me and her had already switched souls before you thought you were killing me.

Then I switched souls again with Mrs. Prissy paws.

[BARKS.]

Rest easy, boy.

Show's over.

Now, just got to get my body back and ugh! [FARTING.]

[GROWLS.]

Oh, no.