An Un-Birthday Present

Happy birthday!

How did you get in here?

Uh, easy.

Hey.

Did you guys fire that hot front desk guy?

Because he was the best part of this place.

Hi.

I'm back.

Happy birthday - Did Sophie let you go?

- Who?

Kate, I finally come home from a semester abroad, and this is how you react?

It's bad enough that they converted my apartment into a boys' dorm room, and no one chose to tell Kate!

Who are you?

What's wrong with you?

Ow, ow!

Who are you?!

It's me.

It's Beth.

Beth?

Who the hell else would I be?

Ow!

Kate you're hurting me.

Not yet, but I will.

[GAGGING]

Aah!

Argh!

Agh!

Ugh!

[TAPPING ON DOOR]

[TAPPING]

[TAPPING]

Are there any lions or tigers about here?

JOHNNY: It's only the Red King snoring.

Happy birthday, Beth.

You remembered.

I hope you like blueberry.

I, uh I got you a present.

I found this out by the shed.

[MEOWING]

- It's a kitty!

- Shh.

My dad can't know.

Has to be a secret.

Hi, little guy.

What are you gonna call him?

Chessy.

You'll be our Cheshire Cat.

[DOOR CREAKING]

[FOOTSTEPS]

Johnny tells me it's your birthday.

Beth, you're very lucky to have such a kind and thoughtful friend.

I suppose It wouldn't be official without making a wish.

What'd you wish for?

To see my sister and father.

Beth if you say your wish out loud, it means it will never come true.

Time for your classes, Johnny.

[LOCK TURNS]

JACOB: Beth's dead.

Whatever happened to her in that house erased all traces of my daughter.

She's gone.

Don't make the mistake I made.

It'd be a mistake to not even try to interrogate Alice.

So she can prattle off a bunch of nonsensical nursery rhymes?

Or incriminate herself.

I appreciate the attempt, but you're not getting a confession out of her.

- It's too big a risk.

- Risk of what?

Letting Alice into your head.

Let's just keep her on ice until she can be transferred to Arkham.

After that, she's their problem.

Were you planning on telling me that Alice escaped?

What are you talking about?

She showed up at my office just now.

That's impossible.

She's been in a holding cell for the last 8 hours.

Is that a live feed?

Yes, with two guards at the door.

She's downstairs.

You're welcome to see for yourself.

I swear I just saw her.

Then you're not the only one.

Mary saw her, too.

LUKE: I took prints off the messenger bag the Alice lookalike left behind.

They're an exact match for Alice's prints in The Crows' database.

And look.

There's more.

I found this in her wallet.

Now it's not in the system, but that is hands down the best fake I. D.

I've ever seen.

Somebody went to a lot of trouble.

You're telling me.

Apparently, she wrote a 300-page dissertation on "theoretical extragalactic astrophysics and cosmology".

Maybe there's some answers in here.

It's locked with a security code, but I might be able to crack it in a couple hours.

Or - "Waffles".

- How'd you know that?

Beth always used it.

The only password she could ever remember.

Okay.

Oh, my God!

How are you and her I don't know.

You two seem really close.

We should tell your dad about this.

No.

Not until we figure out what's going on.

- Uh-uh.

- Wait.

Where are you going?

MARY: To see if anyone in Gotham University's astrophysics department has ever heard of Beth are we calling her Beth?

Alice 2.

0?

Well, when you figure it out, let me know.

Okay.

I have seen pictures like this before of Beth and me together.

Only it was on a different Earth.

So you think when that galactic dude put all the Earths in a blender somehow she landed on this one, but how is she Beth and not Alice?

What happened after the crash?

Maybe there was no crash.

Infinite Earths, infinite variables I bet.

A butterfly flaps its wings.

No Cartwright, no Mouse, no Alice.

She was spared of all that.

Still, I mean, this world has got to be a very scary place for her.

You know, one second, she's on her Earth, the next she's slingshot to this one, where nobody knows her.

Yeah, and the only person who does attacks her, her own twin sister.

Happy birthday!

- I got to find her.

- Yeah.

Where do you think she is?

Where we'd always go on our birthday.

KATE: Beth, Beth, I'm sorry!

I'm really, really, sorry.

You gonna attack me again, psycho?

No, no.

I it's a long story, but I didn't recognize you then, but I do now.

Well, you are the only one.

Nobody else even knows who I am.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

What's happening?

My wish came true.

I understand you have a request.

Oh, I have a lot of requests, but since I highly doubt that you'll grant me my freedom or my butterfly knife, I'll settle for my book.

Your book?

Uh, yes.

My copy of "Alice in wonderland".

I imagine it's around here somewhere, plundered by your Crows when they raided my little hideaway.

It did bring me so much comfort the last time I was locked in a cell.

Unless you're willing to admit to framing my boss for the murder of his wife, I'm not interested in your comfort.

Well, that is no way to treat someone on their birthday.

I wouldn't hold out hope for me throwing you a party.

That's okay.

One's already being planned.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise.

You see, Kate always hated surprises, but me I love them.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Hi.

You have something I want, and I have something that you'll want back two things, in fact.

Say hello to Steven, Commissioner Forbes's son, and Bryan, Mayor Akins' heir apparent.

I'll give you till 9 p. m. to release Alice.

If you don't, I'll snuff out Gotham's best and brightest.

BETH: So literally no one knows me on this Earth?

On the upside, I guess none of my exes know me here either.

You're taking this whole death of the multiverse thing a lot better than I thought.

I do have a master's degree in astrophysics, so the whole concept of multiple universes isn't that bizarre.

Here's to making up lost time.

Mmm.

I have to ask.

What the hell do all your tattoos mean?

So you're telling me that the parallel Kate, uh, did not have tattoos?

Are you kidding?

Commander Kane would have disowned you.

So my dad was still the head of The Crows on your Earth?

Yeah, and technically, he was our dad.

- God, it's so weird.

- I know, but you know what's really weird despite your tats and the fact that this used to be my bank is that it feels like I'm back on my Earth and it's just a normal day just chatting to my sister, and not to be a total creep, but you still just feel like the best friend I've had my whole life.

We were best friends.

Yeah.

Ever since you pulled me from the car, - I've always - Wait.

What car?

Right.

Um When we were 13 driving back from our bat mitzvah, our car went off a bridge.

So there was a crash.

[KIDS SCREAMING]

Yeah.

It's how Mom died.

YOUNG BETH: Mom, wake up!

No, Mom!

But you you climbed back into the car and YOUNG BETH: Kate, where are you going?

Wait!

And you pulled me out - Beth!

- Kate!

Grab my hand!

Come out!

You saved me.

Beth!

No!

Beth!

And ever since then, you've been my hero.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

What is it?

LUKE: You near a TV?

DANA DEWITT: Gotham is on high alert in the wake of the Wonderland Gang committing what could be their most brazen crime to date with the kidnapping of the sons of two of Gotham's highest officials.

Despite the unfolding hostage situation involving Commissioner Forbes's own son, the GCPD has not turned on the Bat-signal.

[REPORTERS CLAMORING]

Commissioner Forbes, does your refusal to turn on the Bat-signal have anything to do with Batwoman coming out as a lesbian?

My wife and I are incredibly concerned for the safety of our son and that of Bryan Akins.

Let's not get distracted by politics.

Thank you.

[REPORTERS CLAMORING]

Okay.

If they're not gonna take Batwoman's help, they're sure as hell gonna need ours.

Oh.

So now you come bearing gifts?

It is your birthday.

I know what you're doing But the question is do you?

I'm granting your request.

I ran it through X-ray, thermal imaging, even an ion mobility spectrometer.

Turns out it's just a book.

Oh, no.

It's so much more than that.

Yeah?

So what makes it so special?

It set me free from that house of horrors.

CARTWRIGHT: Hold still.

Johnny, if you don't keep still, the adhesive won't set.

It's all wrong.

[CLATTER]

Seams.

It's hideous.

You look like a quilt!

[DOOR SLAMS]

ALICE: Turns out we were both trapped in that awful place.

SOPHIE: I was in that house.

Can't imagine what years in that place must have been like.

But you do know what it's like to feel trapped don't you, Sophie?

I imagine you felt that way your entire life.

It's unbearable when the only thing you dream about is being out.

Ha ha ha!

Prep the suit.

I'm coming in.

How are we doing on the location of the hostages?

LUKE: I'm working on it, but GCPD's got nothing, which is not a total surprise because they don't have enough sense to turn on the Bat-signal.

Haven't you heard?

I'm too political.

So they'd rather avoid a political hot potato than have Batwoman save the kid of one of their own?

That's crazy.

Welcome to the world we live in.

I'm gonna save them anyway.

Sounds like something Bruce would say.

Yeah.

Well, he'd probably actually do it, too.

Okay.

What is it?

I could have saved her, Luke.

Everybody told me that if I went back in that car to get Beth that I would have been killed.

That's not true.

You want to hear the truth?

You got Beth back.

She doesn't need saving, but right now, there are some pretty high-profile hostages who do.

On my way.

WOMAN: It's in the air It's everywhere you go LUKE: According to Mouse's deadline, you've got two hours to find these hostages.

KATE: Copy.

WOMAN: Time's up, time's up West Harlow's clear.

Head down Sanders Avenue.

Thanks.

WOMAN: Rise, rise, rise, rise [TIRES SQUEALING]

Kate, Batcave to Kate.

Can you hear me?

Kate, say something!

[LAUGHTER]

LUKE: Kate!

Kate, hey!

[PANTING, GRUNTING]

KATE: You guys okay?

Did you enjoy your nap?

I thought it best to intercept you before you made your wardrobe change.

You know, you are much more docile without your evening wear.

[LINE RINGING]

MOUSE: How are they treating you?

Well, I'm chained to a table on my birthday, so I don't think they value the lives of the hostages you've taken.

Well, I may have someone that they might care a bit more about.

Sophie.

- Kate?!

- Hi, sis.

Are you hurt?

Are you okay?

No worse than survival training.

You remember that, don't you, how we never would have made it through - without each other?

- Yeah.

Then I need you to listen to me.

Let Alice go.

Let Alice go.

Do you understand?

I understand.

Good because time's running out, and my next call will be to tell you where to find Kate's body.

[DING]

Hey, Luke.

Um right.

You don't know me.

But you know me?

Yeah.

You work for my cousin Bruce.

You're Lucius Fox's son.

Uh, yeah.

Um, I'm just looking for Kate.

She's been kidnapped.

Sorry.

There's no easy way for me to get that out, but yeah.

Um kidnapped, as in taken?

By whom?

There's no easy way for me to get this out either, but by you.

[CHAINS RATTLING]

- Yeah.

That's not happening.

- What?

Did you hear Kate practically begging for her life?

In survival training, Kate and I learned to fool our captors by sending coded messages in the open.

Repeat a message twice, it meant do the opposite.

She was saying, "Don't let Alice go".

Hmm.

Clever and sweet.

You two have your own little language.

Ha ha!

Let me tell you a secret.

Mouse and I had one, too.

Heh.

See, we needed a way to make sure the caterpillar didn't figure out what we were up to.

[TAPPING]

[TAPPING ON DOOR]

Are there any lions or tigers about here?

It's only the Red King snoring.

ALICE: That was the little code that the coast was clear and we were safe.

You made Chessy a sweater.

I cut up one of my blankets.

He looks so so fancy.

[DOOR CREAKING]

[FOOTSTEPS]

Johnny, get upstairs.

Time for chores.

[CHESSY MEOWING]

What was that?

[CHESSY MEOWS]

No, no.

[MEOWING]

You know these creatures carry all manner of diseases.

JOHNNY: Please, Daddy.

No.

It's my fault.

- I brought him down here.

- Please don't hurt him.

Johnny can put him back where he found him.

JONNY: Please no.

[CARTWRIGHT GRUNTS]

ALICE: I guess you could say he made the Cheshire Cat disappear.

That's awful.

Tell me how awful it will be when you lose the thing you love so dearly.

BETH: If Kate's been kidnapped, shouldn't we, um, call my dad?

He'll know what to do.

He's, like, special forces.

- He's in jail.

- What?

For killing your stepmother, but he didn't do it.

Alice did.

Okay.

Um, dumb question.

Do police exist on this Earth?

Yes, but honestly, the Wonderland Gang is always a few steps ahead, but fortunately, I got a little something the cops don't, and that is a GPS on Kate's bike.

Uh, the signal's weak.

The transmitter must have gotten damaged.

Uh, I just got to find a way to boost it enough to get a lock on the location.

- That's - Then we send in the cavalry.

No.

No.

They'll be ready for that, and that'll just get Kate and the others killed.

This Mouse guy is demanding Alice, yeah?

Well, what if we give her to him?

No.

No.

Sorry.

That's that's not gonna happen, okay?

That's insane, and Kate would never let you.

Kate saved my life in my world.

I'm gonna save her life in this one.

[GRUNTING]

BRYAN: Batwoman's gonna save us, right?

Not sure I'd count on that.

Yeah, because my idiot dad isn't gonna turn on the Bat-signal.

Dude, it's 2020.

Nobody cares about gay-straight anymore.

[SCRAPING]

ALICE: "'Oh, my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting'.

" Look.

Alice I'm gonna be honest with you.

- Hmm.

- My heart breaks for that little girl who was trapped in that cell, for everything that man did to her, and I know somewhere deep down that little girl is still fighting to get out.

Kate used to think that, too, but just like that little kitten, Beth never made it out of the basement.

CARTWRIGHT: Did you make this?

Did you make this?

Answer me!

My dad will kill you.

Oh, my dear.

Your father has already forgotten about you.

You've been replaced.

Now I want you to tell me did you make this?

Yes, I did.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry, my dear.

This is exactly the kind of delicate craftsmanship that Johnny needs.

Now I want you to use these nimble, little fingers to do exactly what you did with this sweater with these.

That was the day I learned to make faces out of human skin.

First were the eyebrows or was it the lips?

I don't remember.

Perhaps my thoughts were so preoccupied with the horrid realization that no one was coming to rescue me.

MARY: So she's basically got two go-to moves in her repertoire of crazy.

Either say something terrible in a really sweet voice, or you say something sweet but make it sound like it's the scariest thing in the world.

She sounds lovely.

Yeah, and if you really get into some trouble, just throw out a random quote from "Alice in wonderland".

"Curiouser and curiouser" or "Off with her" [EXHALES]

- What?

Do I look that bad?

- No, no.

You you look perfect.

Then what is it?

Just the last time I looked into those eyes, my mom was dying in my arms, poisoned by Alice so it's just hard not to Hate me?

I don't blame you.

Alice is me, and I'm her at least in some ways, I guess.

Which is why I can't help but feel responsible for what happened to your mom, and I am so, so sorry.

You don't have to be.

You are nothing like that bitch.

Ha!

[FOOTSTEPS]

Hey.

Uh, I got a lock.

I know where Kate is.

A scrapyard outside of town.

MOUSE: Time's almost up!

STEVEN: No, no, no, no.

This is not happening.

No.

I can't die, I can't die.

BETH AS ALICE: "The dormouse shook its head impatiently and said without opening its eyes, 'Of course, of course.

Just what I was going to remark myself'.

" They let you go?

You played your part well, my little Mouse.

You made them fear you, and they set me free.

And alas, a deal's a deal, and now we must do the same for them.

Why does she get to live?

She was perfectly happy living her life without you.

Now it's time for you to live yours without her.

Were you followed?

No.

Of course not.

Are there any lions or tigers about here?

What are you talking about?

Are there any lions or tigers about here?

Who are you?

No!

[POUNDING ON LID]

Let me out!

Help!

[GRUNTS]

[KATE GRUNTS]

[BEEPING]

This is your last chance.

You can still be the person you once were.

[WATER DRIPPING]

CARTWRIGHT: If you say your wish out loud, it will never come true.

Your father has already forgotten about you.

I want you to use these nimble, little fingers Thank you For helping me look normal.

I'm sorry about the book, but I got some of my dad's fishing line.

It's really strong.

We can fix it, Beth.

I'm gonna call you my little Mouse and you can call me Alice.

Shall we have a tea party?

ALICE, VOICE-OVER: The book was my escape.

That's how you dealt with all that trauma, by creating an entirely different reality and becoming someone else.

Isn't that what you did, Agent Moore?

Escaping your prison by becoming someone else, lying to yourself and everybody else about who you really are, retreating into the arms of that yummy boy scout?

Get her out of here.

Maybe Arkham will have better luck bringing out who you really are, Beth.

This is who I really am.

Ha ha ha!

[ALARM BLARING]

[GROANING]

[GUNSHOT]

Drop it.

My dear, sweet, little birdie.

I may be free of my cage, but you're still trapped in yours, and you always will be because it's one of your own making and that is a hell more unbearable than [ALARM CONTINUES]

[BRYAN AND STEVEN SCREAMING]

BETH: Let me out!

Let me out!

- STEVEN: Get me out!

- BETH: Let me out!

Kate!

Kate, help!

- STEVEN: Please help!

- BRYAN: Let me out!

- KATE: Err!

- BETH: Get me out of here!

BRYAN: Come on, please!

Get me out!

Hurry up!

Please!

Please help!

STEVEN: Help!

Help!

Get me out, please!

Help me!

Please, please get me out.

Please, please, please, please.

BETH: Someone, help!

Please!

Help me!

Kate!

Come on!

Come on!

Hurry!

Come on!

[GRUNTING]

Get back, get back, get back!

[GRUNTING]

[COUGHING]

VESPER: Evening, Gotham.

Notice how I didn't say, "Good evening"?

That's because Alice is back on the streets, and while Gotham's golden boys may be safe and snug in their beddy-byes, I'll be sleeping with a Louisville slugger under the bed tonight because with Batwoman on the GCPD's do-not-call list, it's the only Bat that's going to protect me.

Shut down Brown and Loeb Bridge.

Leave Trigate open.

Give her one way out.

Search every vehicle top to bottom.

If she tries it, we'll stop her there.

What's the status on Mouse?

Just got out of surgery, in ICU.

I want a 6-person team on him round the clock.

Kate, how are you?

I came to ask you the same thing.

Rattled, embarrassed, pissed.

Mostly pissed.

Well, I'm just glad you remembered our code.

Of course I did.

I remember everything.

For example, happy birthday.

- Heh.

- Did you get anything good besides kidnapped?

I I did actually.

DEWITT: And now with the city gripped by fear with reports of Alice's bloody escape What's going on at the GCPD?

DEWITT: Protesters have taken to the steps of the GCPD demanding that they turn on the Bat-signal.

[PROTESTORS CHANTING, "TURN ON THE LIGHT!"]

WOMAN: There's a new addiction We're the new tradition Sometimes, this city surprises you.

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

Oh, now we know you're listening Tell us how you missed it Oh, oh, oh, oh CROWD: Turn on the light, turn on the light When you're 12 feet tall And they're crowning you king Everything you do is the next best thing Play it up, blow it up, make a scene This it not a fairy tale, there's no queen [CHEERING]

Now we know you're listening We're the new tradition Oh, oh, oh Now we know you're listening Oh, oh JACOB: Any idea where she could be?

I don't know, and I'm sorry, Commander.

I should have listened to you, and now You didn't kill those agents.

Alice did.

Yeah, but because of me, now she's escaped.

That's how we're gonna stop her.

If anything happened to Alice when she was in Crows custody, we'd have to answer for it, but she's a fugitive now.

We can put a bullet in her, and no one would bat an eye.

It's time we do exactly that.

ALL: Surprise!

I had nothing to do with this.

Yeah, yeah.

She told me that you would hate this.

She would be right.

Twin intuition.

Happy birthday, Beth.

Happy birthday.

Whoo!

Okay.

Mmm.

Your bar needs bigger glasses.

You know, I'll be honest.

I never really understood why you were so hell-bent on redeeming that psychopath Alice, but now that I've met Beth, I totally get it.

- I see what you lost.

- Yeah.

To miracles.

Actually, I don't think that that's what it is.

This could just be my little friend talking here, but I read your sister's thesis on extra astrogalactic stuffy stuff.

I think Beth's being here is some kind of cosmic anomaly.

Hear me out.

What if there are multiple universes, kind of like a bunch of different planet Earths, and then they all kind of pow, pow, pow, pow, collapsed into one, only there were some parts leftover?

Kind of like after you've built an Ikea bookshelf and Beth is just one of the parts that made it into the box somehow.

Yeah.

You're right.

It's crazy.

Ha!

LUKE AND MARY: Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Okay.

Uh, make a wish.

Well, all I ever wanted was a second chance, and here you are, so MARY: Ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

[GASPS]

Hey.

What's happening?

- Aah!

- Beth, what's happening?

- What is it?

- Aah!

[MOANING]

Aah!

Ohh!

Ow!

[MOANING]