Raging Bully

Scene opens up showing the Flynn-Fletcher house.

(Na, na, na)

Candace: Jeremy is so cute, especially when he's in his Mr. Slushy Dog Uniform. Linda: Candace, My jazz trio has a gig at the Squat 'n Stitch today. Why don't you, Phineas and Ferb hang out at the mall together? Candace: The mall? [Ding] I can visit Jeremy at Mr. Slushy Dog!

Linda: Testing. Welcome everyone, uh, we'll be playing some free formed jazz today. It might get a little crazy, so, hold on to those knitting needles. [Plays Triangle] Hit it girls!

Candace: All right, squirts. Here's your cut. I'll see you back here in 2 hours. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to Mr. Slushy Dog. Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?

[Slide squeaking]

Major Monogram: Sorry about that, Agent P. Our slide waxing guy has Jury duty this weekend. Anyhow, Doofenshmirtz has purchased some suspicious items: 4 helicopter blades, 2 dozen party ballons, and Light bulbs. 6000 of them. He's hiding out at the old abandoned cake factory on the edge of T-- Carl, the light bulb and the "6000". Still on the screen. Ah, thanks Carl. Locate Doofenshmirtz and figure out what he's up to. Don't fail us, Agent P.

Jeremy: Oh, hey Candace.

Candace: Heh. My cell phone appears to be ringing.

[Snapshot] Whoops! My camera went off! (Giggling)

[Stopwatch ticking]

Phineas: Well, that was an interesting experiment. Baljeet: Excuse me, but why are you not studying? Phineas: It's summer vacation. You know, no school, and teachers aren't around, and all you have to worry about are bullies? [Electric Guitar playing] Eh, Buford? That seat's kinda taken. Buford: This table's taken. Sit somewhere else. Phineas: What about Baljeet? Baljeet: [Muffled] Please go. You will just make him angry. [Ice cream falls on Buford] Buford: AIEE! [Crowd laughing] This is gonna hurt. Isabella: Hey! Put him down! Baljeet: Do as she says! Violence can only lead to more violence. Buford: Sounds good to me. Man: Hold it! Isabella: World heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield? Phineas: Aren't you a little old to be a professional boxer? Evander: Yes. Yes I am. Phineas: Cool. Evander: If you have to fight, do it time-honored way, out behind the mall at 3:00. Phineas: Uh, Ferb. How's our 3:00? [Ding] We'll be there. Buford: [Drops Phineas] Don't be late. My Mom's pickin' me up at 4:00. Phineas: It looks like we found something to do today. Baljeet: What you have found is a One-way magic carpet ride to your own destruction. Isabella: He's right. Remember what happened to the last kid Buford fought? Boy: [Muffled] You win this round, Buford. Isabella: I don't want that to happen to you. Evander: It won't, 'cause I'm gonna train him.

(Song: He's a Bully)

Your opponent is as big as an ape,

So if you wanna avoid being mangled!

Just like him you've got to get into shape, And by shape I don't mean a triangle!

He's big, he's dumb, he's got the I.Q. of gum, He's got the brain about the size of a sourdough crumb, But he'll beat on your head like a big bass drum, His behavior is truly unruly,

HE'S A BULLY! (He's a Bully!) Yeah, He's a Bully! (He's a Bully!) Yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah-yeah...!

Milly: Here you go, Brawl at the mall. 3:00, Brawl at the mall. Candace: "The Brawl at the mall"? [Ferb using drill] What do you two think your doing? You can't just go building a boxing ring out here in the parking lot! I'm telling Mom right now!

[Snapshot; Playing Jazz]

Mom, Phineas and Ferb are at it again! Linda: Not now, Candace. Oh, My solo! [Plays triangle] Candace: Oh, I need proof. The flyer!

Doofenshmirtz: [Laughs] Perry the Platypus! I trapped you in a giant bowl filled to the brim with Doonkle Berry cake mix. You see, Today is my birthday! Struggle all you want, Perry the Platypus. But in 30 to 40 minutes, the yeas will rise, and you'll be berried alive! Here, have some. Unfortunately, my birthday has always been the lousiest day of the year. It all began on the day of my actual birth. Both of my parents failed to show up. By the age of 5, I was forced to throw my own surprise party. At Gunther Goat Chesses. The goat-cheesiest place in all of Druselstein. Many of my closest friends were there: Count Wolfgang, Betty the She-Boar, Raputin, and the licekins, Olga and Chicago Joe. Employee: Hello, Boys and-- Oh. Hmm... Awkward. Uh, Hey kid, lock up when your done, OK? [Slams door] Doofenshmirtz: But one should never walk the paths of Druselstein. With uncovered Doonkle Berry cake, lest the Doonkle Berry bats' swarm. Young Doofenshmirtz: [Screams] Doofenshmirtz: But this year, I won't be celebrating my birthday alone. Behold, The Slave-Inator! You see, the crowd will do whatever the Slave-Inator tells them to do! [Laughs, Air horn] I even have a Cleanup party button, Because the worst part of a party is the cleanup, am I right? Farewell, Perry the Platypus, and Happy Birthday to Me! Perry: [Blows Whale whistle, Whale crashes through wall; Blows bat whistle, bats squeaking]

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, He's from a bad home, He's missing a chromosome/He's from a broken home, his hobby's breaking bone, Buford the Bully! And in this corner, he's got moves, he's got grace, his nose takes up his entire face, Fabulous Phineas Flynn! Okay boys. Let's have a fair and square fight, and in no way should this ensuing fight contain the image of a potentially harmful, hurtful, or psychologically disturbing act, that could be found imitatable by an impressionable child viewer. Buford: Aw! Announcer: Boys and Girls, let's get ready to Thumb Wrestle!

Holly: Sorry, we're out of flyers. Candace: Poster? Holly: Nope. Candace: Action figure? Holly: Sold out. Candace: Commerative coin? Holly: All gone. Candace: 8 x 10 glossy photo? Holly: Those sold like hot cakes. Candace: [Gasps] Photo! Yes! Photographic evidence! [Circus music playing]

Doofenshmirtz: [Air horn, bats squeaking] Perry the Platypus! Well, if your gonna crash my party, your gonna need a party hat. A party hat of doom! Perry: [Kazoos tooting]

[Bell rings]

Crowd: 1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war! Announcer: The fighters spring to life, they're squaring up to each other, YOW! Flynn hits the mat! Buford Gots him where he wants him, and look, and Oh! Into the turnbuckle! Clothesline! That can't feel good! Hold onto your seats folks, this one's gonna be brutal!

Doofenshmirtz: Still hanging around, Perry the Platypus? [Slams keyboard on Perry's fingers; Air horn] Crows: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh... Doofenshmirtz: Why don't you let go? Doesn't it hurt your fingers?

Phineas: I don't think this is going so well. Evander: Nonsense kid. Go for the gold! Fight fire with fire! Aw, shoot. Shoot him the stink-eye! Uh, Grease the pig! Ah, I got nothing. Announcer: [Bell rings] A right hook! A darting left jab! [Slow motion] No! Candace: Photo, photo, photo, photo. (Song: It's Going So Badly)

(Man singing opera)

Announcer: Buford is climbing the turnbuckles! He's on the top rope! [Candace takes picture] Announcer: Oh! The dreaded Boston belt sander! [Buford laughing]

Candace: Mom! Finally, indisputable photographic evidence of dangerous and irresponsible behavior. Linda: Candace, this is your thumb in front of the lens. Candace: AAH! Oh, you are coming with me!

Doofenshmirtz: And now, Perry the Platypus, I will smudge your face with ice cream! [Laughing maniacally, Perry blows whale whistle] Wait, W-what are you doing? What is that? [Splat] NO! Wait!

(Song: It's Going So Badly) [Man singing opera] Announcer: NO! Oh, the humanity! Flynn falls hard! The crowd's on it's feet! It's going so badly! It's over! It's all over! Our hero's on the rope and now it's looking like the end! [Evander and Announcer sobbing, Ice cream drops on Phineas] Buford: [Laughs] Ice cream fell on you! [Laughs] Whaddya say? Even Steven? Phineas: Sure Buford. Even Steven.

Doofenshmirtz: Wait! How did you do th- [Clang] Hey, where did that whale come from? Oh, this is the worst party ever! Aah! My birthday cake! Goodbye, Perry the Platypus! At least I still have my birthday cake! [Cake splats, Bats squeaking] Curse you, Perry the [Indistinct] -pus!

[Slave-Inator falls, Air horn] Man: Hey, I have a strange urge to clean up this mess. Woman: Me too. Man #2: Let's do it. Woman: I'll take care of the whale.

Buford: Thank you, Mr. Holyfield. Phineas: Yeah. Wouldn't have been real without you. Evander: Happy to help you boys find a slightly less valid way to settle your differences. [Perry chatters] Phineas: There you are, Perry.

Candace: See?! Phineas: Hi, Mom! Linda: Hi, boys! If you'll excuse me Candace, I'm gonna get back for the 2nd set. Candace: [Squeaks, faints] Buford: Hey Dinnerbell, That was the best battle ever. Same thing tomorrow? Phineas: Nah. I like to keep moving forward. Ferb: Sharks have to continue to move forward, or they'll drown. Buford: You calling me a shark? [Ferb uses a Vulcan-style nerve pinch] Blagh! [Faints] Phineas: Ferb! Ferb: Well, he was all up on my face. Buford: [Groans] What happened?

Credits Roll

He's big, he's dumb, he's got the I.Q. of gum, He's got the brain about the size of a sourdough crumb, But he'll beat on your head like a big bass drum, His behavior is truly unruly,

HE'S A BULLY! (He's a Bully!) Yeah, He's a Bully! (He's a Bully!) Yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah-yeah!