Crazy Stupid Love


 * [first lines; Cal and Emily are at a restaurant looking at the menu]
 * Cal Weaver: Oh! So full. You were right, I shouldn’t have eaten all that bread. want to split a desert?
 * [Emily doesn’t reply and Cal looks at her]
 * Cal Weaver: You okay? You seem a little off.
 * Emily Weaver: Yeah, I’m just trying to think about what I want.
 * Cal Weaver: Yeah, me too. Why don’t we just say it at the same time? One, two, three…
 * [at the same time]
 * Emily Weaver: I want to a divorce!
 * Cal Weaver: Creme brulee…
 * [Cal looks up at her in shock]
 * [as they’re driving home from the restaurant]
 * Emily Weaver: Aren’t you going to say anything? Almost twenty five years of marriage and you have nothing to say?
 * [Cal doesn’t say anything but just stares ahead]
 * [continuation of their drive home]
 * Emily Weaver: Okay, you’re not talking and you know that only makes me talk more. You know, but I mean, maybe that’s good! You know? Cause maybe I’ll just say it, maybe, maybe I’ll just tell you I slept with someone!
 * [Emily looks at Cal who has still makes no response and is still gazing ahead]
 * Emily Weaver: David Lindhagen, from work. You met him at the Christmas party, the one with the…
 * Cal Weaver: Please stop.
 * Emily Weaver: You’re the last person in the world that I’d want to hurt, Cal.
 * Cal Weaver: If you keep talking I’m going to get out of the car.
 * Emily Weaver: But I think the fact that I did it, it just shows how broke we are
 * Cal Weaver: Okay
 * Emily Weaver: How much, how much we really need…
 * [Cal calmly throws himself out of the moving vehicle so he doesn’t have to listen]
 * Emily Weaver: Hey! Oh, my God! Cal!
 * [Emily stops the car and runs towards Cal]
 * Emily Weaver: Are you okay?
 * Cal Weaver: I’ll leave tonight. I’ll sign whatever you want, just please stop talking about it.
 * Emily Weaver: Okay.
 * [after Jessica has accidently walked into Robbie’s bedroom and caught him jerking off]
 * Robbie Weaver: I’m sorry you had to see that.
 * Jessica: No, you know, I should have knocked.
 * Robbie Weaver: Just for the record, I think about you while I do it.
 * Jessica: Robbie!
 * Robbie Weaver: I have this picture of you and I look at it the whole time.
 * Jessica: Stop it!
 * Robbie Weaver: I love you, Jessica.
 * Jessica: I am actually begging you to stop it!
 * Robbie Weaver: And I know you’re seventeen and I know I just turned thirteen, which is the same age your little brother, but soon our age difference won’t even matter. Which is good, because I’m pretty sure you’re my soul mate.
 * [as Cal and Emily return home from the restaurant]
 * Jessica: Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Weaver, how was…?
 * [she notices Cal looking very disheveled]
 * Jessica: Oh, my God! Woh! What happened?
 * Cal Weaver: Mrs. Weaver said she wanted a divorce and I jumped out of the car.
 * Emily Weaver: Cal!
 * Cal Weaver: Well,
 * Emily Weaver: Honey. Cal…
 * Cal Weaver: It’s good. Everybody good?
 * Robbie Weaver: Dad?
 * Cal Weaver: Oh! Hey, buddy. I didn’t see you standing there.
 * Robbie Weaver: You’re getting a divorce?
 * Cal Weaver: Well, yes.
 * Robbie Weaver: You jumped out of a moving car?
 * Cal Weaver: I did. I jumped out of a moving car. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.
 * Robbie Weaver: I’m sorry you jumped out of car.