Spy Buddies

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Spy Buddies" from season five, which aired on July 23, 2007

Plot
(A shadow that looks like Plankton walks up to the Krusty Krab and gets inside using the code. He goes back into Mr. Krabs’ office and opens up the safe and gets out the formula. SpongeBob turns on the lights to reveal the shadow is Mr. Krabs)

SpongeBob: What are you doing, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: Just making sure the Krabby Patty formula is safe. Plankton hasn't tried stealing the formula in over a month. He must be planning something big.

Squidward: (walks in) Hello.

Mr. Krabs: One of you will have to volunteer for some extra work.

Squidward: (walks out) Good-bye.

Mr. Krabs: I was just gonna ask if someone can spy on Plankton.

SpongeBob: Spy?! Whoo-ooh-ooh! (acts like James Bond)

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, I can see you through this straw.

SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm going to be a spy.

Patrick: You're a spy?! I wanna be a spy, too!

Mr. Krabs: Shh! Okay, okay! You can be a spy. Just be quiet.

SpongeBob & Patrick: Yay, we're spy buddies! (Mr. Krabs stammers. SpongeBob & Patrick whisper) Spy buddies.

Mr. Krabs: Your instructions are on this krabby patty. But remember, the fate of the Krusty Krab rests in your hands, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: In my hands... ooh!

Patrick: (examines SpongeBob’s hand) Ooh. (cut to SpongeBob’s house where SpongeBob pushes the button on the patty)

Mr. Krabs: You're mission-- if you choose to accept it-- is to discover what Plankton's up to. Don't let him out of your sight. And you need to rustle up some spy gadgets. If you don't accept it, you're fired. This patty will self-destruct in ten seconds. (both scream and run around while the patty is beeping)

SpongeBob: Get rid of it! Get rid of it, Patrick! (Patrick puts the patty in his pants. It explodes and leaves the bottom half of his body without any skin)

Patrick: That's going to leave a mark. (cut to Sandy's treedome)

SpongeBob: Hey Sandy.

Sandy: Hey SpongeBob, Patrick. What ya'll doing?

SpongeBob: Do you know anything about spying, Sandy?

Sandy: Well, I know you need a lot of crazy gadgets like jet-packs, laser-equipped Bermuda shorts with walkie-talkies.

Man: 10-4, good buddy. (static)

Sandy: Cameras that fit up your nose, high-powered magnifying glass, emergency bikes, and my favorite, the knockout ray. (blasts SpongeBob and Patrick with it causes them to knockout. Then blasts them again making them wake up)

SpongeBob: Wow, Sandy, with these gadgets, Patrick and I will be great spies.

Sandy: (laughs) I wouldn't trust you two with any of this stuff.

SpongeBob: What do we do now, Patrick? (Patrick picks up the knockout ray and knocks Sandy out. Both laugh. Cut to the city where SpongeBob and Patrick are spying from the side of a building)

Patrick: What's he doing now?

SpongeBob: Nothing yet. Wait! Wait! He's... (Plankton walks into "Guppies R Us") ...buying baby clothes? We gotta get closer.

Plankton: Excuse me? (holds up a small pink outfit) Do you have anything in a size negative five?

Employee: (laughs) Sorry, bud, that's as small as they come. (takes the outfit. SpongeBob enlarges himself in the clothes on the wall)

SpongeBob: Wow, Plankton has to buy baby clothes? (Patrick enlarges himself in the outfit next to SpongeBob)

Patrick: How embarrassing. (Plankton walks out of "Guppies R Us". SpongeBob walks out a couple seconds later)

SpongeBob: SpongeBob to Krabs. Come in Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Krabs here. Go ahead.

SpongeBob: Plankton just bought some baby clothes.

Mr. Krabs: Baby clothes? Hmm... (writes 'baby clothes' on the chalkboard) What's he doing now?

SpongeBob: Hold on. (looks through store window) He's buying...

Mr. Krabs: Yeah? Yeah?

SpongeBob: A... stamp.

Mr. Krabs: A stamp. (writes it on the chalkboard) This is the most elaborate scheme ever. Keep on him, SpongeBob. (cut to later where SpongeBob and Patrick are tip-toeing behind Plankton)

SpongeBob: We're right behind him and he has no idea. (from Plankton's POV, the tip-toes are thunderous steps. He turns around)

Plankton: Would you stop making all that racket? (from SpongeBob and Patrick's POV, Plankton is squeaking as he talks so they can't understand him)

Patrick: What's he doing now?

SpongeBob: I can't tell. (they walk again but SpongeBob is shining a light on Plankton from the magnifying glass)

Plankton: Whew! Gosh, it's hot. (catches on fire) AAAAAAAAH!

SpongeBob: He's getting away! Quick, Patrick, use the jet-packs!

Patrick: Can do! (pushes a button and Patrick grabs SpongeBob as they fly toward Plankton. Plankton jumps into a soda drink and puts himself out)

Plankton: Whew. Huh? (SpongeBob and Patrick are fly over Plankton, setting him and the cup on fire, while they fly through buildings. The jet-pack detaches itself from Patrick and they both skid on the sidewalk. When they stand up, their faces and bodies are deformed)

SpongeBob: Boy, it was lucky the sidewalk broke out fall. But we've lost Plankton!

Patrick: To the spy mobile! (both hop into the car)

SpongeBob: Hmmm... mines, oil slick, smoke screen, shield...

Patrick: Self destruct!! (pushes button and the car explodes. Both laugh. Patrick's pants phone is ringing) There's a call coming through on my Pants-A-Phone.

Mr. Krabs: Krabs to Agent SpongeBob. Come in SpongeBob.

Patrick: It's for you.

SpongeBob: Agent SpongeBob here.

Mr. Krabs: You found out what Plankton's up to?

SpongeBob: I'm afraid we've lost him, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Well, find him, lad. I'm not paying you to goof off with Patrick.

SpongeBob: You're not paying me at all, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Exactly. So get to work. (hangs up)

Recording: If you'd like to make a call, please deposit twenty-five cents. (SpongeBob gets out a quarter. Cut to the Chum Bucket at night. SpongeBob and Patrick are on the roof)

SpongeBob: Ok, Patrick, we're in position. Now how do we get inside?

Patrick: I think the front door's open.

SpongeBob: Spy's don't use the front door, Patrick. We've got to figure out a complicated way to get inside.

Patrick: This looks like a job for Patrick Star Laser Pants! (shoots a laser out of his behind and cuts out a square on the roof)

SpongeBob: Good work, Patrick! Now it's my turn. (drops down inside, with the rope tied around him. He lowers himself but hits the floor) I thought you were holding the rope. (Patrick lands on top of him)

Patrick: I am. You need to be quiet. We're on a secret mission.

Plankton: (turns on the lights) Secret mission, eh? Don't you think I know what you're up to? You want to eat at the Chum Bucket without your boss knowing. Karen, we've got a customer! I'll let you two look over the menu. (walks off)

Patrick: SpongeBob, I've got to go.

SpongeBob: Can't you go later?

Patrick: My laser pants aren't working right. (shoots a laser at the salt shaker on the other table. Patrick sighs)

Plankton: Could I interest you in a raspberry iced tea?

Patrick: No, thank you.

Plankton: Or perhaps a bran muffin?

Patrick: SpongeBob, I have to go now!

Plankton: Prune Danish? (sees Patrick's behind wiggle) What the...? (pan out to the Chum Bucket building where Patrick's laser pants makes holes everywhere and destroys the Chum Bucket. Later, the floor opens up and a blimp emerges with Plankton controlling it from the inside) Destroy my lab, will ya Krabs? Well, if it's war you want, it's war you'll get! (flies his blimp over to the Krusty Krab. The inside of the Krusty Krab gets darker)

Mr. Krabs: Is it dark or have I put up with cataract surgery too long?

Squidward: No, Mr. Krabs, it's that time of the month.

Mr. Krabs: (sees the blimp) Merciful Neptune! (red light flashes) Man your battle stations!

Squidward: I'm on it! (runs into the bathroom and flushes a toilet)

Mr. Krabs: (raises himself in the crow's nest) Bring it on, Plankton.

Plankton: Oh, I will. We'll see if you have any customers left after I pump up the volume. (loud Music plays. All the customers cover their ears)

Nat: Oh, brother, I hated the real version of that song. (The Krusty Krab customers leave.)

Mr. Krabs: He's driving me customers away! Alright, Plankton, you want my customers so badly? You can have 'em! ( he hits that sucks the customers and launches them through a cannon at the blimp)

Plankton: Do your worst, Krabs!

Squidward: (hits the blimp) I hate my job.

SpongeBob: (watching from the top of the blimp) It's up to you and me, buddy.

Patrick: Abandon ship! ( Patrick and jumps off the blimp ; lands in the cannon and is spat back toward the blimp)

Plankton: Point-headed projectile on the port side! (Patrick makes a hole in the blimp, causing it to fly into the Krusty Krab and destroy it)

Mr. Krabs: Ha ha ha! Huh? (gasps) No!

Plankton: (standing on the Krusty Krab sign with a piece of paper in his hand) I win! I always win!

SpongeBob: Not to rain on your parade or anything, but you always lose.

Plankton: No, SpongeBob, I always... (his head turns into Mr. Krabs)

Mr. Krabs: ... win!

SpongeBob: (gasps) Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: That's right! I stole me own formula!

SpongeBob: But if you're Mr. Krabs, who's... (the other Mr. Krabs rips off his suit to show the Robot Krabs from "Imitation Krabs") Mr. Krabs is a robot!? (Robot Krabs opens its head up to reveal Plankton)

Plankton: No, you idiot.

SpongeBob: Plankton?! What the barnacles is going on here?

Mr. Krabs: You see, we had a bet. Plankton's been trying for twenty years to steal me formula, and he's never done it!

Plankton: I almost had it 37 times, and you know it!

Mr. Krabs: Tell it to the claw, sister. Last time he failed, we made a bet. (flashback to Mr. Krabs laughing while Plankton is crying on the ground) You can't beat me, Plankton. I always win!

Plankton: You've got the easy part. I'd like to see you do my job.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, yeah right. If I was you, I could steal me formula on me first try.

Plankton: Ha! The usual wager?

Mr. Krabs: You're on. (flashback ends) So, through a series of events far too elaborate to go into right now, we flawlessly assumed each other's lives; and I beat Plankton at his own game. And destroyed his place of business! (laughs) Now pay up.

Plankton: Here you go, Eugene. (takes out a dollar) One a dollar.

Patrick: Not so fast! (rips his bodysuit off to reveal Squidward)

SpongeBob: Squidward? Then who are you?

Squidward: I'm not... (SpongeBob tears off his face) ...wearing a disguise.

SpongeBob: Hmmm, if he's Squidward, then you must be... (fake Squidward rips off his suit to reveal Sandy) ...Sandy?

Sandy: Whoops, wrong outfit. (rips off bodysuit to reveal another SpongeBob in drag)

SpongeBob: (gasps) You're me! Then I must be... (rips off his suit to reveal Patrick)

Patrick: Patrick!

SpongeBob: Nah, I'm just kidding. (rips off the SpongeBob suit and reveals another Patrick)

Patrick: I really am Patrick. (laughs. Other Patrick rips off his bodysuit to reveal SpongeBob again)

SpongeBob: Good one, Patrick! (both laugh) There's just one thing I don't understand.

Mr. Krabs What's that, laddie?

SpongeBob: That. (points to two Patrick's laughing beside each other)