I.R. Pixie Fairie

(The episode opens on a yellow book named Uncle Breezybum's Storybook Corner that turns to the first page featuring the Red Guy as Uncle Breezybum in a circle portrait.)

Red Guy: (voiceover) "Join us now for another chapter of Uncle Breezybum's Storybook Corner STARRING ME! Uncle Breezybum." (The camera cuts to a card reading the following.) "Men, the fictitious story you are about to hear is true." (The camera cuts to Red holding the book in his armchair on a tree stump in a forest.) "Only my name has been changed to PROTECT THE INNOCENT! ME!" (laughs) "Just listen!" (He farts.) "Uh, that was the leather chair. ALL RIGHT, IT WASN'T! Where were we?" (He then starts reading the story.) "Once upon a time, in a land that was old and stinky..." (The scene transitions in a purple-colored, foul-smelling forest of vines surrounding I.R. Baboon's familiar trailer.) "Lived a stinky, old, red-butt baboon named I.R. Baboon." (I.R. is sleeping in bed as he sucks his thumb.) "But, our story is about the, uh, the kitchen, yes! Over by the, uh, sink! For the story is about the-" (stammers) "Sponge!"

(A lanky teenager appears.)

Teen: "Hey, Dad, give me five bucks for your car keys, man."

(Red then pops up into view.)

Red Guy : "No, not this kind of a sponge!" (He pushes the hippie aside and shows a kitchen sponge to the audience.) "Sponge sponge. Way down deep, deep, deep, DEEP INSIDE THE SPONGE was an enchanted fairy-land WHERE A SWARM OF BABOON PIXIE FAIRIES!" (The baboon pixies look at the audience and sniff their fingers.) "And they frolic around!"

Baboon Pixie Fairies: (chattering)

Red Guy : "And sing loudly!"

Baboon Pixie Fairies : (chattering)

Pixie Fairy Weasel: (offscreen) "Yo-ho! Yo-ho!"

(A lightning bolt appears, as a Weasel Pixie Fairy appears on screen.)

Red Guy : "And their leader was a tiny Pixie Fairy Weasel; A voluptuous Pixie Fairy Weasel."

(The Pixie Fairy Weasel's figure magically expands into the shape of a woman.)

Pixie Fairy Weasel : (annoyed) "Hey, wait a minute!"

Red Guy : "Just joking." (The Pixie Fairy Weasel's figure changes back to normal.) "A manly weasel."

Pixie Fairy Weasel : "Citizens of Sponge, it is time for another presidential election." (Red sits outside the circle and watches him.) "And I'd be honored if you would again choose me as your beloved leader."

Baboon Pixie Fairies : "Yay! Weasel are beloved!"

(One of the Baboon pixies pokes his head through a hole and mutters in frustration.)

Pixie Fairy Weasel : "If I am re-elected, I promise more wetness than ever before!"

Baboon Pixie Fairies : "We are liking wetness! Wetness! We want! We want!"

Baboon Pixie Fairy 1: (angry) "Phooey on wetness! I.R. sick of being wet all time! I.R. tiny, tough baboon! Lookie!" (He shows his buttocks having absorbed the water.)

(The Baboon Pixies notice their butts have been absorbed, too, and gasp.)

Baboon Pixie Fairies : "We hate wetness!"

Pixie Fairy Weasel : "Well then, I'll make it dry."

Baboon Pixie Fairy 2: "Okay!" (gets angry) "Hey, why are Weasel president? Should be I.R. as president!"

Baboon Pixie Fairy 3: "No, I.R. Baboon and I vote for me president!"

Baboon Pixie Fairy 4: (hits his friend) "Oh, yeah? Who you think you are?! I.R. president! Not you!"

Baboon Pixie Fairies : "Yeah!"

Pixie Fairy Weasel : (nervously) "Now, now, simmer down, fellas. Be reasonable. You all can't be president; that would be anarchy. Besides, the election isn't until next month. That means I'm president for four more weeks!"

Red Guy : "And so, it was then that the pixie baboons decided to... impeach President Weasel!"

Baboon Pixie Fairy 3 : "Hey, what impeach?"

Baboon Pixie Fairy 4 : (holds up a rotten peach) "No, he say peach Weasel!"

Baboon Pixie Fairies : "YEAH! PEACH WEASEL! PEACH WEASEL!"

(The Pixie Baboons throw some peaches at Pixie Weasel.)

Pixie Fairy Weasel : "Well, the majority has spoken: I hereby concede to my worthy opponents: I.R. Baboon!" (gets hit with another peach)

(The Pixie Baboons attack Pixie Weasel inside the sponge as Red watches the action.)

Red Guy : "Well, it looked like old ex-President Weasel was about to get the boot."

(The Pixie Baboons boot out Pixie Weasel, who is then forced to leave the scene.)

Red Guy : (cont.) "The shrimpy citizens of Sponge were overjoyed to be rid of President Weasel."

(All the Pixie Baboons do their usual victory dance.)

Baboon Pixie Fairies : (singing) "I.R. President, not you! Na-na-na-na-na-na!"

Red Guy : (bouncing on his butt) "Then, the tiny Pixie Fairy Baboons left their sponge, and infested regular I.R. Baboon's pathetic trailer, and MADE A BEELINE FOR REGULAR BABOON'S... finger!"

(The Pixie Baboons fly out of their sponge and fly straight for Baboon's finger.)

Red Guy : (speaking quickly) "Notice how I didn't say what you thought I was going to say; this is a family show. Meanwhile, back to big Baboon's... finger."

(The Pixie Baboon open their jaws, just as I.R. hears a chomping sound and wakes up in pain. He looks at his finger glowing red.)

I.R. Baboon: (offended) "Hey! Who are coming into I.R.'s house and chewing on... finger?"

(The Pixie Baboons then show up.)

Baboon Pixie Fairy 1 : "I.R. presidents here, and we are your bosses now. Got it, you?"

I.R. Baboon: (teasing them) "I.R. so scared of insect baboons! " (snickers)

(The Pixie Baboons are offended and attack regular Baboon. Back in reality, Red is leaning on the top of the chair.)

Red Guy : "Yes! It seemed that the Pixies has finally figured out how to all be president at once! All they needed was somebody to boss around."

(The Pixie Baboons have made regular I.R. their slave and send him to do their laundry in the wringer washer while they watch TV.)

Baboon Pixie Fairy 1 : "Hey, laundry boy! Tiny Baboons getting thirsty here! Now!"

I.R. Baboon: (overworked) "All right! All right! Holding your thoraxes!" (He brings a platter of sodas to the pixies.)

Red Guy : (narrating) "But, I.R. was determined to get even."

I.R. Baboon: "Soon, I.R. fixing Pixies' little, red... wagons!" (As told, I.R. puts up a fly trap strip on the ceiling. He snickers at his own plan.) "No Pixie Fairy Strip." (He laughs again, and while the pixies enjoy their sodas, I.R. sets up a bug bomb.) "No Pixie Fairy Bug Bomb."

(I.R. pulls the trigger and ducks for cover in the wringer washer. The stench then travels into the first pixie's nose.)

Baboon Pixie Fairy 1 : "Hey, who are sliced the limburger?!"

(The Pixies cough in the gas cloud, until one of them turns on a fan that blows the gas cloud away. At the same time, I.R. sticks his head out the tub.)

I.R. Baboon: "I.R. guessing this should wrap up I.R.'s fairy problem."

(Unfortunately, the gas cloud hits I.R., and soon, the pixies are now tying up I.R. in a cocoon of their own.)

Red Guy : (snickering) "Well, it appears that I.R. did have things wrapped up after all. He was all tied up in magical golden pixie floss." (He turns away from the distress and goes back to reading the book.) "Meanwhile..."

(Pixie Weasel continues wandering the woods, as he carries a bindle stick on his shoulder.)

Pixie Fairy Weasel : (sniffling) "I hate to think what will happen to them without my leadership."

Red Guy : (cont.) "But, the little weasel's luck was about to make a big turn FOR THE WORST!"

(Pixie Weasel sees a car coming and then gets hit into the windshield. The car belongs to none other than I.M. Weasel, who is taking Loulabelle for a ride and sees Pixie Weasel.)

I.M. Weasel: (alarmed) "Good gravy!" (stops the car and gasps) "I've hit a tiny pixie fairy weasel!" (Loulabelle looks at the injured pixie weasel with her face smearing in the windshield.) "Don't worry, little fella, for I Am Weasel!" (He grabs a bug scraper and pulls Pixie Weasel off the windshield. Regular Weasel then holds Pixie Weasel in his hands.) "There now. You're gonna be just fine."

Pixie Fairy Weasel : (weakened) "Oh, please, help."

I.M. Weasel: "Yes? Yes?"

Pixie Fairy Weasel : (dying) "Must help the pixie baboons." (coughs) "They are stupid and don't know what they're doing. You must..." (coughs again) "Save them from themselves." (coughs again) "Promise?"

I.M. Weasel: (saddened) "I promise."

(With the last of his strength, Pixie Weasel breaths his magic into regular Weasel's face.)

Red Guy : "Then, the tiny weasel fairy gave up the ghost with one last blast of magic fairy dust, transforming Weasel into a PIXIE FAIRY WEASEL!" (The magic dust cloud turns Weasel into a pixie.)

I.M. Weasel: (to Loulabelle, with a higher-pitched voice) "Now that I'm a fairy, I must leave you now."

(Weasel then takes off.)

Red Guy : "Yes, Mr. Weasel had been bestowed with magical fairy powers! But, with these powers came an awesome responsibility!"

(Weasel stops in mid-air and recalls Pixie Weasel's request.)

Pixie Fairy Weasel : (voiceover, coughing) "Save them from themselves. Promise me?"

I.M. Weasel: "A promise is a promise for I Am Weasel!" (He soars off and looks for I.R.'s trailer.)

Red Guy : "Well, Weasel searched high and low and finally spotted I.R.'s trailer."

(Weasel flies into Baboon's trailer and sees Baboon still trapped inside the cocoon.)

I.M. Weasel: "Egads!" (gasps) "Baboon Cocoon! I.R., old man, who did this to you?"

I.R. Baboon: (grunting) "Pixies did it!"

(Weasel then gets caught by the pixie baboons.)

Baboon Pixie Fairy 1 : "Hey, fellas, look! It's ex-President Weasel, and he are trying to take over again!"

(The Pixie Baboons swarm fast to attack Weasel, while Red pokes his head out of regular I.R.'s toilet.)

Red Guy : "That old Weasel had to do some fast thinking."

(Weasel thinks hard and comes to an idea. He is able to stop the pixies with a wave of his hand.)

I.M. Weasel: "Stop! I'm not here to take over." (He lands by the kitchen sink.) "I just wanted to know if I could have this old sponge."

Baboon Pixie Fairy 1 : "Hey, go ahead and take stinky sponge. Presidents not care."

I.M. Weasel: "Now, I can move it to Florida and sell it on the old sponge real estate market. I'll make millions."

Baboon Pixie Fairies : (delighted) "Millions?!"

Baboon Pixie Fairy 1 : (offended) "Hey, Weasel trying to sell place where I.R.'s live!"

(The pixie baboons dive back into their old sponge, allowing Weasel to put it in an envelope and seal the flap. He then gives it to a fairy postal worker, who receives the envelope from Weasel and flies off for Florida.)

Red Guy : (narrating) "And the fairy postal worker flew with his precious cargo of tiny baboons to Florida! Then, the handsome Weasel flew to rescue the trapped Baboon. BUT, HE WAS TOO LATE! The cocoon was now a crysalis."

I.M. Weasel: "Dang. I'm too late."

(The crysalis starts expanding.)

Red Guy : (narrating) "But, suddenly, the crysalis began to shrivel and crack, and to the weasel's surprise, the baboon had transformed into a fairy baboon princess butterfly with..." (stammers) "A BIG PURPLE STRAP-ON DYNA WIG!"

(Of course, I.R. Baboon bursts out of the cocoon as a fairy princess butterfly, as a wing appears on his head.)

I.R. Baboon: (offended) "Hey! What gives?!"

Red Guy : (narrating) "And the fairy prince Weasel flew into his arms and gave him a big hug, and they lived happily ever after. The End." (He turns to the audience) "Well, men, I hope you enjoyed-" (Weasel snatches the book away from his hands.) "Huh?!"

I.M. Weasel: (reads the book) "Once upon a time, there was a big, fat, red, pantsless guy who made up stories that weren't true."

I.R. Baboon: "Yeah, and suddenly, he become a big, fat fairy with a giant, pink wig and magic tutu!"

(A pair of wings and a tutu appear on Red. Weasel whispers to I.R. Baboon to come up with more ideas.)

I.R. Baboon: "Yeah, and then, he got trapped in big, old cocoon!"

(A cocoon appears and traps Red inside.)

I.M. Weasel: (throws the book away) "Come on, Baboon. I'll buy you a root beer."

(Red bursts out of the cocoon as a fairy.)

Red Guy : (showing off) "Hey, check out the plumage!"

(Weasel and Baboon sit at a picnic bench, enjoying their root beer.)

I.M. Weasel: "And then, his wings fell off!"

(Red's fairy outfit falls apart, and Red falls back to earth. Back in his normal nude, a bruised Red leans his head up and then passes out.)

(Iris Out)