F.U.N.

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "F.U.N." from season one, which aired on September 18, 1999.

Plot
Narrator: Ahh, lunchtime at the Krusty Krab. Everyone is enjoying their Krabby Patties. (lights go off as everyone in the Krusty Krab screams and runs for cover) Huh?! What's this? (doors and windows are now metal)

Mr. Krabs: Can you spot him, Mr. Squidward?

Squidward: Down there, sir! (a krabby patty is bouncing to the door)

Narrator: (gasps) There appears to be a Krabby Patty napping in progress! (krabby patty shoots a laser hole big enough for it to go through at the door) There can only be one culprit: Plankton!

Plankton: Finally, victory is mine! I win, I win, I win! (laughs)

Squidward: He got away, sir.

Mr. Krabs: No! He's finally stolen me secret recipe!

Narrator: Perhaps not, Monsieur Krabs, for it's... (SpongeBob tears himself into another SpongeBob and flies off) SpongeBob SquarePants! (later, SpongeBob peeks out through under the sewer with binoculars in hand. Catches a peek at a krabby patty jumping through the crowd)

SpongeBob: A-ha! (chases it behind some buildings) Hey! (krabby patty flies up with a propeller. SpongeBob takes the twirling club that the cop is using as a propeller and flies after the krabby patty to the top of a building) O.K., that's far enough! Huh? (patty jumps off building) Tarter sauce! (uses his hat as a balloon-like ball and jumps off the building. Bounces off the ground towards the krabby patty. Bounces past a cowboy and a cowgirl)

Cowboy: Yeehaw! (patty walks into a magic shop and comes back out with funny glasses on)

SpongeBob: Have you seen a Krabby Patty? It's about this tall and... (looks up and reads the sign 'MAGIC SHOP') Wow, a magic shop! Are you a magician? One time, I saw this magician and he did this thing...anyway, and then he told us, 'If you believe in yourself and with a tiny pinch of magic, all of your dreams can come true.' (Plankton takes away krabby patty)

Plankton: Argh! I can't take it!

SpongeBob: Plankton! It's you!

Plankton: Yes, and after all these years, I thought I was the master of torture. But that...that just wasn't fair! Here. Take the stupid patty, I don't want the secret recipe anyway. I guess my restaurant will never be as good as the Krusty Krab. You don't know what it's like to be a loser. (cries)

SpongeBob: Aww, cheer up, Plankton. I think you're a winner.

Plankton: (stops crying) Wh-what did you say?

SpongeBob: I said, you’re a... (a bunch of people run up and point at Plankton)

All: Loser! (Planktons jumps away from group and walks back to his restaurant)

Squidward: How does it feel to be the most hated thing in Bikini Bottom, Plankton? It hurts, doesn’t it? I know!

Policeman: Yeah, and for running you out, we're going to make this kid honorary town rookie of the day. (puts a big donut with a ribbon on it around SpongeBob)

Song: Bikini Bottom "For he's a Jolly Good Rookie"

For he's a jolly good rookie, for he's a jolly good rookie, for he's a jolly good rookie… (everyone throws SpongeBob into the air)

SpongeBob: (thinking to himself) I'll bet if he had just one friend, he wouldn't be such a meanie. All: (as SpongeBob comes down,

they stop singing) Which nobody... (everyone walks away. Later, Plankton hears a knock on his door at his restaurant)

Plankton: A customer? (opens door) Our special today is chum... (sees SpongeBob at the door) ...balaya.

SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Plankton.

Plankton: Haven't you degraded me enough for one day?

SpongeBob: No. I mean...I want you to come out and play with me.

Plankton: What?

SpongeBob: Play with me.

Plankton: You know how to induce thermonuclear fusion?

SpongeBob: No, but I like to go... (Plankton closes the door)

Plankton: That naive cube! How long must I suffer this?

Karen: You're not letting him leave, are you? Can't you see? This is the perfect opportunity for revenge! Plankton: Elaborate. (computer shows images of a krabby patty and SpongeBob)

Karen: Befriend the SpongeBob, then when the time is just right, take the Krabby Patty!

Plankton: Take the Krabby Patty? (runs back to the door)

Karen: Get moving, genius, don't let him get away. (Plankton opens the door) SpongeBob: ...fishing with my friends at Jellyfish Fields.

Plankton: Alright, SpongeBob, I'll play your little game.

SpongeBob: Great! (SpongeBob grabs Plankton and runs off) Last one to the fields is a rotten clam! (now at Jellyfish Fields) So, I get the big net and you get the little net. (hands Plankton a net bigger than him)

Plankton: What happens after we eat 'em?

SpongeBob: You don't eat 'em, you catch 'em, like this! (captures a jellyfish) Like that.

Plankton: And?

SpongeBob: And then you throw them back. But watch out for the stingers!

Plankton: Stingers? (Plankton imagines ruling Bikini Bottom with a jellyfish that only he controls) All knees will bow to Plankton! Hail, Plankton! I win, I win!

SpongeBob: It's not about winning, it’s about fun!

Plankton: What's that?

SpongeBob: Fun is when you...fun is...it's like...it's kinda...sort of like a...

Song: F.U.N. (Song)

SpongeBob: What is fun? let me spell it for you, F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me, N is for anywhere, anytime at all, down here in the deep blue sea.

Plankton: F is for fire that burns down the whole town, U is for uranium... bombs! N is for no survivors, when you-

SpongeBob: Plankton! Those things aren't what fun is all about. Now, do it like this: F is for friends who do stuff together-

Plankton: Never! That's completely idiotic.

SpongeBob: Here, let me help you, F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me, try it!

Plankton: N is for anywhere, anytime at all.

SpongeBob & Plankton: Down here in the deep blue sea.

Plankton: Wait, I don't understand this, I feel all tingly inside. Should we stop?

SpongeBob: No! That's how you're suppose to feel!

Plankton: Well, I like it. Let's do it again!

SpongeBob: Okay!

SpongeBob & Plankton: F is for frolic through all the flowers. U is for ukelele. N is nose-picking, chewing gum, and sand-licking, here with my best buddy. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Mr. Krabs: (looking through a telescope at SpongeBob & Plankton)

Mr. Krabs: Arr, mutiny!

(at the Chum Bucket, Plankton is changing clothes)

Plankton: And after that we frolicked through the flowers and then we...

Karen: Sounds like fun.

Plankton: Well, the really fun part was when we...

Karen: Where's the Krabby Patty?

Plankton: The what? (shows a krabby patty on Karen's computer screen)

Karen: The Krabby Patty, remember?

Plankton: You can't rush these things, you know.

Karen: You're forgetting about the mission! (shows a formula)

Plankton: What are you talking about?

Karen: You're going native, Plankton! Look at yourself! (metal arm picks up Plankton and shows him wearing SquarePants like SpongeBob's)

Plankton: What?

Mr. Krabs: I haven't seen Plankton in a while. He must be scheming.

SpongeBob: Who knows? Maybe he's changed.

Mr. Krabs: Who knows? I think you knows! (shows a picture of him and Plankton holding up the letters for FUN)

SpongeBob: He's changed, I tell you! (Plankton enters)

Plankton: SpongeBuddy! Yoohoo! (SpongeBob runs over to Plankton)

SpongeBob: Plankton-buddy! Let's go! I forgot this is a no friend zone.

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, may I speak to you in private. (talking to Plankton) You won't mind if I set this here, will you? (puts a plate with a krabby patty on the table and pushes it toward him)

SpongeBob: What's this all about, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: He's a thief. Look at the lust in his eye, he's...

SpongeBob: Why can't you just accept our friendship?

Mr. Krabs: He's just after me recipe. I'll prove it to you. (walks up to Plankton) Ah, you must be hungry after that long walk over here.

Plankton: Oh, yes, but I'm saving my appetite for some popcorn at the movies.

Mr. Krabs: Uhh...suit yourself. (walks off then comes back to push the plate closer to Plankton. Uses a fan to get the smell to Plankton)

SpongeBob: We've had enough of your little tests, Mr. Krabs! (turns the fan off) Come on Plankton, let's get out of here. (both walk away)

Mr. Krabs: Maybe the lad was right. Maybe Plankton's gone straight. (plate falls down revealing that it was cardboard) Or maybe scallops will fly out of my pants! (takes the boat and paddles to the movies) Hold on there laddie, I'm a-comin'! (at the movies, SpongeBob & Plankton are sitting in the front row. SpongeBob is giving popcorn to Plankton as he is eating some himself. Then Bubble Bass comes down and sits in Plankton's seat, squishing him)

SpongeBob: I sure like sequels, Plankton. (sees Bubble Bass in his spot) Hey, Bubble Bass, you're sitting on my friend. (Bubble Bass gets comfortable in his seat) Hey Bubble Bass! (throws some popcorns and Bubble Bass runs after it)

Plankton: Thanks for that, friend.

SpongeBob: Sure thing, pal.

Mr. Krabs: Listen up! (Mr. Krabs shadow is on the movie screen)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs? (in the projector room)

Mr. Krabs: He's deceiving ya! Reach into his pocket now and take what he's got! (the ladies reach in their husbands pockets and take out a watch, some money and a piggy bank then run off) You too, boy! (SpongeBob reaches into Plankton's pocket and takes out a krabby patty)

SpongeBob: (gasps) I can't believe this!

Plankton: It's not what you think.

SpongeBob: What is it then? What do you see here?

Plankton: I… I don't see anything.

SpongeBob: (crying) How can you not see it?

Plankton: O.K., O.K., I see it! It's a Krabby Patty, O.K.? I couldn't help it!

SpongeBob: But we sang the Fun song! I think I'm gonna be sick. How long?

Plankton: How long what?

SpongeBob: How long were you planning on doing this? Tell me! What?

Plankton: (crying) All right, it's true! I tricked you to get the Krabby Patty! But then you showed me friendship! And now I realize, that's all I really wanted.

SpongeBob: Really? (Plankton grabs the patty and jumps towards the screen)

Plankton: No, not really. Being evil is too much fun! (Plankton laughs)

Movie: Oh darling, I know that nothing could ever tear us apart. (Plankton rips through the screen)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, he's gone. He got the patty. He won.

Mr Krabs: Ho-ho, no he didn't, boy! Don't you know what's behind these screens? Solid concrete! (laughs. Plankton is squished on the wall. Mr. Krabs takes the krabby patty)

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. I thought Plankton had changed.

Mr. Krabs: Don't blame him, lad. No friendship could withstand the allure of a Krabby Patty! Now let's go back to the Krusty Krab and have a fresh one on me!

SpongeBob: Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Well, maybe on a discount. (Mr. Krabs flicks Plankton off the wall and onto Bubble Bass' jellybeans. Plankton runs around his hand so he doesn't get caught)

Plankton: EEEEEEEYYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!