From Hippsodeth, With Love

(Setting: Outside the Palace, by the fountain. Aladdin does a handstand on the edge of the fountain; Jasmine watches)

Jasmine: Why, Aladdin, are you trying to win my heart?

Aladdin: Well... (he struggles to stay balanced) is it working?

(Jasmine pushes him with her index finger, knocking him into the fountain. He surfaces, coughing. She leans into him.)

Jasmine: It's working. (They kiss)

(The scene moves to the balcony. Iago, Abu, and Sultan watch from above)

Iago: (Groans) Do we have to see this right before breakfast?

Abu: Yeck!

Sultan: Ahh, young love. The joy, the giddiness, the rush of color to the face. (Walks into the throne room) Butterflies in your stomach, clammy hands, rapid heart palpitations.. (contended sigh)

(Sirens. Sultan turns to the noise, alarmed; Genie, with a flashing, red light on his head, is wheeling Carpet towards the Sultan, ala a stretcher. He forces Sultan onto Carpet.)

Sultan: Genie! What—

Genie: (Shoves a thermometer in Sultan's mouth, then pulls out a phone and starts talking into it) Yeah, we got a plump, middle-aged monarch complaining of heart palpitations! (An EKG machine appears) His EKG? (gasps) I've never seen anything like it!

Sultan: I'm fine, I'm fine! (Climbs off of Carpet) I was just thinking how nice it would be to fall in... oh, I'm too old for romance. (walks to his throne)

Genie: (back to normal) Uh, you say something, your highness?

(Sultan sighs)

(Setting: Galifem. A blonde, muscular man flies into the kingdom on his golden chariot, led by a winged unicorn)

Man: Yes, Lulu, I'm too handsome, it's true! Let's hope a certain Galifem agrees with me.

(On the ground, a Galifem warrior aims a bow at the man. A red-headed Galifem, Scara, approaches the warrior)

Scara: Hold your fire! Don't you know who that is?!

Galifem:  No, who?

Scara: Oh, only the most incredibly handsome hunk around! (Fawns) He must be on his way to the temple! (Runs out of the scene)

(The man is at the Temple. He climbs the stairs before the leader of Galifem, Queen Hippsodeth, who sits on her throne)

Hippsodeth: Who are you? How did you get past our sentries and our traps? (Scara runs in)

Scara: Oh, I let him through, Your Highness. Queen Hippsodeth, this is King Pector. (A storm cloud forms over Pector's head)

Pector: I rule the island of Muskar. I rule the thunder that electrifies the skies! (Thunder and lightning emanate from the cloud, which disappears) But I must confess, my heart rules me. (He bows before Hippsodeth) And no sentries or traps can keep me from proclaiming my love for you.

Hippsodeth: (Surprised) Thank you for stating your intentions so eloquently, King Pector. But my heart belongs to one man. The only man who defeated me in battle: the Sultan of Agrabah.

Pector: You... don't love me?

Hippsodeth: (Waves her hand at him) Please, be on your way.

Pector: Queen Hippsodeth, I will change your heart! (She walks away from him) You will love me!

Hippsodeth: Warriors, take him away!

(Two warriors shoot arrows at Pector; the arrows turn into ropes, which bind him. Scara watches from behind a pillar)

Scara: (To herself, wincing) Be gentle with him... (runs toward Hippsodeth) Your Highness! (Scara screams; an arrow soars over her head and hits a target. It's a bulls eye) Nice shot!

Hippsodeth: (Holds a bow) I wish Cupid had better aim.

Scara: (Picks up at bow) Me too. If only it wasn't so hard to tell the one you love that you love him. It takes a mountain of courage!

(The women prepare to shoot their arrows)

Hippsodeth: The strength of an army.

Scara: Battle-proof mascara and an iron-clad will.

Hippsodeth: A Galifem warrior has all those things...

(Both fire their bows and get bulls eyes. The target turns into a heart)

Hippsodeth and Scara:  I can do it!

Scara: ... you?

Hippsodeth: I am the Queen of Galifem. I have the courage and strength to tell the Sultan how I feel. I'll write him a letter! (Runs off)

Scara: (Stammers) ... ooh, I'll help! (follows)

(Setting: Agrabah. A golden arrow with a note wrapped around it flies toward the palace)

Iago: (Off-camera): Are you guys gonna smooch all day or wha—

(The scene switches to the throne room. Iago has been hit by the arrow; he's pinned to the throne by his tail feather, upside-down. He groans)

Aladdin: A golden arrow!

Jasmine: It's from the Galifems.

Genie: Why would they want to skewer Iago?

Jasmine: It's me they want. (Pulls the arrow out of the throne; Iago falls to the ground)

Iago: Well, that's a comfort (groans).

Jasmine: They want me to join their army, and apparently, they can't take no for an answer!

(Jasmine unfurls the note and reads it)

Aladdin: What is it? A declaration of war?

Jasmine: ... it's a love letter to my father.

Iago: Same thing!

(Genie takes the note from Jasmine)

Genie: (reading, with opera glasses on) "To the Sultan of Agrabah: my affection for you can no longer be ignored. This situation must be addressed. Therefore, please accept my invitation for dinner. Signed, Queen Hippsodeth."

Aladdin: That’s a love letter?!

Iago: It's an invitation to misery!

Jasmine: What do you mean?

Iago: I mean, if the Queen is still mad at your father for clobbering her in battle, a Galifem romance is great revenge.

Jasmine: Revenge?

Iago: Remember the Sultan of Vikar?

Genie: (as that Sultan, muscular and clean) Beloved leader of three deserts and undefeated in battle. (Another Genie, dressed as a Galifem appears and swoons over the "Sultan")

Iago: Well, the Galifems had it in for him and all it took was one pretty warrior to catch his eye. They left his kingdom demolished! And the romance left the Sultan scared of his own shadow.

Genie: (as that Sultan, now thin, weak, and disheveled) Help me!

Jasmine: That won't happen to my father!

Aladdin: That's right!

Jasmine: Because we're going to answer that letter for him!

Aladdin: We're what?

Jasmine: Genie, I need some paper!

(A scroll and a pot of ink appear in Genie's hand)

Iago: (Rubs his hand together) Finally, things are getting interesting around here! (Genie pulls out one of Iago's tail feathers) Ow!

Aladdin: Jasmine, don't you think we should tell the Sultan?

Jasmine: (Sits on the throne) You know my father. He—

Genie: He might want to go on the date.

Iago: A date with doom!

Jasmine: No! We can't let my father know a thing about this. (Writing) "Dear Queen Hippsodeth, please accept my regrets as I must decline your kind invitation."

Iago: That's too nice! She'll just think he's playing hard to get!

Jasmine: It has to be diplomatic, or she'll never believe it's from—

(The door opens. Jasmine gasps, then hides the letter and the pot of ink behind her)

Aladdin: Sultan!

Genie: What are you doing?!

(Sultan approaches the group; he's holding a large sandwich)

Sultan: I thought I was having a snack.

Genie: Oh no! This triple-decker equals one quadruple bypass!

Sultan: Quadru—what?!

Genie: Now, you've only got one ticker, Sultan.

(Iago sneaks behind Jasmine and steals the letter and the ink. He writes.)

Iago: There! (To himself) That oughta get the message across.

(Genie comes out of the inkpot as a smoke trail; Iago screams)

Genie: Where's the letter?

(Iago hands it to him. Genie flies onto the balcony, attaches the letter to an arrow, and, using his tail as a bow, shoots the arrow into the clouds)

(Setting: Galifem, the Temple. Hippsodeth tries to fire her bow, but the Temple is shaking.)

Hippsodeth: (Sighs) King Pector...

(Pector has lifted the entire Temple into the air with his bare hands)

Pector: (Struggles) Yes, my love?

Hippsodeth: Put me down.

Pector: Your wish is my desire! (Tries to lower the Temple; it crashes on top of him)

Hippsodeth: Scara!

Scara: (Enters) Yes, your Highness?

Hippsodeth: (Annoyed) Wasn't King Pector just leaving?

Scara: Oh, does he have to?

(Hippsodeth raises her eyebrow)

Scara: Oh, OK...

(Scara goes to Pector, who struggles to free himself from the underside of the Temple)

Pector: The Queen has fallen in love with me, hasn't she?

Scara: Well, no, not exactly.

(Pector frees from the structure; he stands up with a groan)

Pector: How can she resist me? What am I doing wrong?!

Scara: (Leading him away) King Pector, maybe you're aiming at the wrong heart. You see, the Queen feels no magic when she sees you, but-but I-I—

Pector: Wait a minute!

Scara: Yes?

Pector: I have magic! I can hold the magic of a storm in my hands! I show the Queen magic and impeccable aim! (A storm cloud appears above his head; he takes a lighting bolt from it) Watch!

(Pector throws the lightning bolt. Genie's arrow flies in from the opposite direction and crashes into the lighting bolt, which flies back in its original direction. The bolt ricochets off a tree and hits Scara and Pector. A warrior enters, holding the arrow)

Warrior:  The letter from the Sultan has arrived!

(She runs off, followed by Scara. Pector sits up and grunts, frustrated.)

(Setting: The Temple. Queen Hippsodeth sits on her throne, reading the letter.)

Hippsodeth: Oh! I could wring his neck! (She crumples up the letter and throws it down the stairs; Scara runs by it)

Scara: Your Highness!

(Pector picks up the crumpled letter)

Pector: (Reading) "P.S.: I would have to be crackers to go out with you?!" (Angry) How dare the Sultan insult the love of my life! (A storm cloud appears over his head; lightning crackles and a heavy wind blows) Now he must answer to me!

(Setting: The Palace. Sultan is in the throne room, holding the same sandwich. He gets ready to take a bite, then notices Genie sitting on a piece of cheese)

Sultan: Genie!

Genie: I can hear the arteries clogging!

Sultan: Oh, Genie, I'm too old to go on some health kick!

Genie: (Appears before the Sultan as a personal trainer) Too old? Why, if you eat right and exercise you'll feel younger!

Sultan: … Younger?

Genie: And you'll look better too. (growls) (Jasmine and Aladdin enter on Carpet)

Jasmine: Well, you're still handsome to me!

Sultan: I am?!

Genie: Fishing for compliments does not count as an aerobic exercise!

(There's a flash of bright light followed by a violent thunder clap)

Jasmine: What strange weather.

(Iago falls to the ground from off-camera; he's wet)

Iago: You can say that again! It left the Sultan a message.

(The group runs onto the balcony. There's a message written on the wall next to the entry way)

Aladdin: (reading) "A battle to the death to defend the Queen's honor?"

Jasmine: Tomorrow?

Iago: Who's King Pector?!

Jasmine: Oh, no!

(Setting: Galifem. Scara and Pector are both on winged horses)

Scara: A battle to the death?!

Pector: Wish me success! (He flies away)

Scara: OK, now if Pector wins, the Queen just might fall in love with him. But if he loses... (gasps) Oh, why couldn't the Sultan just be in love with Queen Hippsodeth? I'll bet he would if they could just get together! Maybe, they should. (laughs)

(Setting: The Palace, night. The gang is in a guest room; Aladdin is dressed in his Prince Ali outfit)

Aladdin: Jasmine, he'll never believe I'm the Sultan.

Jasmine: Please, Aladdin. We have to keep King Pector away from father. If we tell him you're the Sultan—

Genie: —he'll tear you limb from limb!

Jasmine: Oh, Genie, you're not helping!

Genie: Maybe a beard? (He puts a white beard on Aladdin)

(Abu voices his disapproval)

Jasmine: There won't be a battle. There's obviously some misunderstanding and once we clear it up... please, Aladdin? (Gives him the "eyes")

Aladdin: (Laughs) How can I say no?

Iago: Well, guess we're staying here tonight!

Jasmine: Just for tonight. (exits)

(Iago lays down on a pillow)

Iago: (Sarcastic) Good night, Sultan. (Yawns and closes his eyes)

Aladdin: Right. Good night.

(Carpet, like a dog, circles a spot on the floor and lies down. Genie, now dressed in a night-shirt and holding a teddy bear, yawns)

Genie: Don't worry, kid. (Goes into his lamp)

Aladdin: (laying down) Why should I worry? I am the Sultan.

(Setting: Palace exterior. Galifem warriors approach on winged horses. They shoot an arrow into the window; the arrow turns into rope and binds Aladdin. He struggles, but is dragged out of the window)

(Setting: a Galifem dungeon. Aladdin is bound and gagged, trying to free himself. Scara watches him from above)

Scara: Good work, warriors. My darling Pector will be safe and the Queen will have the chance to win the Sultan's heart!

(Setting: The same dungeon; morning. Aladdin finally frees his legs. Abu is on his lap, untying him)

Aladdin: Abu! (Hugs him) Thanks, pal. (Aladdin rips off his fake beard) We've got to get back to Agrabah or else the real Sultan will be in more trouble than I am!

(Aladdin uses the rope as a lasso and throws it toward the above window; it lands between the bars and pulls them together, forming a hole. Aladdin and Abu escape. Abu walks forward; Aladdin grabs his vest to stop him)

Aladdin: Abu, careful! Remember, Galifem is a minefield of killer traps.

(Setting: the Palace guest room. Smoke comes out of Genie's lamp. Genie's hand appears at the end of the trail and taps a snoring Iago on the beak)

Iago: (Wakens, then sniffs the air) Mmm...

Jasmine: (Enters the room) Mmm, smells good!

(Genie comes out of his lamp, holding a bowl of fruit, pancakes, and waffles)

Genie: The breakfast of champions!

Jasmine: Uh, Genie, where is our champion?

Iago: (looks around) He's gone!

Genie: He's gone?

(Setting: Galifem. Scara and Hippsodeth stand before the tied up dungeon window)

Scara: He's gone!

Hippsodeth: Who's gone?!

Scara: Ooh, I—

(Setting: Another part of Galifem. Aladdin edges his way along a high cliff, Abu on his shoulder)

Aladdin: So far, so good. (He edges toward a staircase, then looks over the edge) Maybe I spoke too soon...

(Aladdin feels the step with his foot before he takes it, then does the same with the next step. He take one more step; the staircase turns into a slope. Aladdin falls and slides down, screaming. They near the bottom; a bush immediately at the base of the slide is replaced by a sharp propeller. Aladdin gets to his feet and leaps over the propeller, landing safely. The propeller stops spinning and the bush re-appears over it. The ground shakes; boulders are coming down the slide, toward Aladdin and Abu.)

Aladdin: Run! (He runs away from the boulders, screaming. They close in on him) This way! (He makes a sharp left turn and escapes the boulders.) Faster, Abu! (He runs through a series of pillars that fall as he passes them. He jumps onto the ground to avoid the last one; he turns to see the pillars standing themselves back upright. Aladdin sighs) We made it!

(A shadow falls over him; a Galifem on a winged horse, points an arrow at Aladdin)

(Setting: outside the Palace. Genie flies in on Carpet)

Jasmine: Genie! ... you didn't find him. Oh, Genie.

Genie: (In a safari outfit, with binoculars) Don't worry, we'll find him. Full throttle, Rug Man!

(Carpet and Genie exit. A shadow falls over Iago)

Iago: Uh, Jasmine? Guess who's here?

(Jasmine gasps. Pector has arrived) Jasmine: Uh, King Pector, I presume?

Pector: (Angry) Where can I find the Sultan of Agrabah?

Jasmine: Well, you won't find him here! (Leading him away) He's in the Marketplace.

Iago: (to the audience) This I gotta see.

(Setting: Galifem. The warrior aims her arrow at Aladdin and Abu; they run. The arrow turns into flame as she shoots it; it misses Aladdin, but the warrior continues to shoot more as she chases them. Aladdin and Abu run into a forest; the warrior jumps off of her horse to follow. Abu, alone, blows a raspberry; the warrior follows him. Abu leads her out of the forest; Aladdin flies into the scene on her winged horse. He flies around her.)

Aladdin: I'll take that! (He steals her bow, then picks up Abu. They fly away, then shoot an arrow; it turns into rope and binds the warrior. Aladdin and Abu ride off; Abu pumps his fist triumphantly)

(Setting: The Marketplace, later. Jasmine walks before Pector)

Jasmine: You see, the Sultan is a peace-loving man of the people.

Pector: The Sultan is nowhere to be found!

Aladdin: Forgive me, King Pector.

(Aladdin sits in the center of the Marketplace, using Carpet as his throne. Genie is beside him, dressed as a palace guard)

Aladdin: I hope I haven't kept you waiting.

Jasmine: (Goes to him) Oh! Sultan!

(Aladdin stands)

Aladdin: Maybe your father should fight his own battles.

Jasmine: My father is probably wondering where we all are!

Pector: (Pounds his fist) Well, Sultan?

Genie: Alright, you go keep Pop busy. I'll be here for Al.

Jasmine: (Walks away) Remember, talk him out of it.

(Aladdin approaches Pector)

Aladdin: You know... (deepens his voice) You know, King Pector, there has been some... misunderstanding.

Pector: I'll say.

(Pector rears back to throw a punch. Aladdin ducks; Pector hits Genie, sending him high into the air, screaming. Iago and Abu sit on a stand, watching)

Iago: Gah! Why didn't I sell tickets to this thing?

Pector: Nice trick, Sultan.

Aladdin: (Backing away) King Pector, there's nothing between Queen Hippsodeth and myself.

Pector: Nothing but insults! And now you must pay!

(Pector lunges for Aladdin, who shoves a basket into Pector's arms, then runs.)

Iago: Uh oh... (Pector throws the basket into the stand)

(Aladdin hides between two clotheslines covered in rugs. Pector follows him, but sees nothing. He looks up— Aladdin is above him, walking on top of a clothesline.)

Pector: Ah ha!

(He pulls the rug from underneath Aladdin, which sends him flying. He lands on a sort of seesaw, with a pot on the other end. The pot flies and lands on Pector's head; he struggles to free himself.)

(Setting: A Palace balcony. Sultan walks to the edge. Jasmine enters the scene, on Carpet)

Jasmine: (overly sweet) Hi, Father!

Sultan: Jasmine?

(She takes his hands and leads him back toward the Palace)

Jasmine: How are you?

Sultan: Dearest, is there something wrong?

Jasmine: Wrong?

(Genie, still screaming, splatters onto the balcony)

Jasmine: Nothing's wrong. (smiles)

Genie: (stands, then leans on Sultan's shoulder, casually) Just thought I'd... drop by.

(Crashing sounds from below. Sultan goes to investigate, but Jasmine pulls him back)

Sultan: What is going on? (Heads back to the edge)

Jasmine: Father, I —

Sultan: (Overlooks the city) Is there a problem in the Marketplace?

(Setting: Marketplace. Pector still struggles to remove the pot. He crashes into a stack of barrels and an apple stand, destroying them. Pector punches the pot with both of his fists; it shatters. He shakes with rage and storm clouds appear over his head.)

Pector: This is not over yet!

(Pector takes a lighting bolt from one of the clouds and hurls it at Aladdin, barely missing him. Pector throws another; Carpet picks Aladdin up before he is struck.)

Pector: (laughs) Finally, this is getting to be fun!

Aladdin: ("High-fives" Carpet) Thanks, Carpet. I don't know how to talk Pector out of this battle.

(Carpet flies off; Pector pursues on Lulu, a lightning bolt in hand)

Pector: Save your breath, Sultan!

Aladdin: Carpet, move!

(Pector throws two lighting bolts; they almost hit Aladdin, then suddenly stop and change directions)

Pector: How did he do that?

(Genie, his hands magnets, pulls the lightning bolts toward himself. They hit him, electrocuting him. Storm clouds fill the sky.)

(Setting: The Throne Room. The Sultan covers his ears with his Turban, frustrated)

Sultan: Jasmine, I want to know what is going on!

Jasmine: Oh, Father, I didn't mean to interfere! But I thought the letter was for me and when I found out it was for you I was afraid you'd get hurt—

Sultan: (grabs her hand) What letter?

(Setting: The Marketplace. Carpet manages to escape more of Pector's lightning bolts. Pector turns in the opposite direction, toward the large storm cloud behind him)

(Setting: The Throne Room)

Jasmine: Oh, Father, I didn't know answering the letter would cause so much trouble.

Sultan: Oh, dearest—

(The ground vibrates)

(Setting: The Marketplace. Pector is before the storm cloud)

Pector: Victory is mine!

(Pector sends another lightning blast at Aladdin; it misses, but destroys a building. Another blast— Carpet is hit)

Aladdin: Carpet!

(Carpet falls out of the air)

Genie: I'll save you!

(He flies down and catches Aladdin and Carpet. They pause and hear a noise; the building Pector destroyed falls on top of them and they crash to the ground)

(Sultan heads onto the balcony)

Sultan: (Yelling over the edge) Stop this at once!

(Queen Hippsodeth and Scara are above Agrabah, on winged horses)

Hippsodeth: I've never seen the Sultan like this.

(Pector looks down and sees Sultan on the balcony)

Pector: That is the Sultan?! He can't escape me!

Hippsodeth: Oh, Sultan! (swoons) (Pector throws lightning bolts at the balcony; Sultan runs. Hippsodeth rides to the balcony)

(Below, Aladdin uses Genie as a jack to free themselves from the rubble. Aladdin hears Jasmine scream; the balcony is being destroyed)

Aladdin: Jasmine! (He leaps onto Carpet and flies to her)

(Sultan still runs; a bolt just misses him)

Hippsodeth: Sultan!

(She lands on the balcony. Sultan leaps onto her horse and she takes off.)

Aladdin: Jasmine! (He flies over the balcony and picks Jasmine up.)

(The balcony collapses)

Jasmine: Where's Father?

Genie: (as a winged horse) Queen Hippsodeth saved the Sultan!

Jasmine: She does care about him!

(Sultan controls Hippsodeth's horse while she readies her bow.)

Pector:  Your Highness! Please!

(Hippsodeth shoots an arrow at Pector, which turns into rope and binds him. He falls off of Lulu and lands in the Palace fountain. The storm clouds disappear. Pector surfaces, spewing water out of his mouth like a fountainhead)

Scara: (Runs to him) Oh, Pector! (She puckers her lips)

Hippsodeth: How dare you. (She is behind them, with Sultan) Trying to hurt my true love!

Scara: (To Pector, tapping him on the hand) Oh, poor baby.

Sultan: (Surprised) Queen Hippsodeth...

Hippsodeth: I did not mean to be so forward, but one date did not seem like too much to ask. And contrary to your letter, one does not have to be crackers to go out with me.

(Sultan gasps and turns to Jasmine. She gasps and turns to Iago, annoyed. Iago smiles, guiltily)

Iago: I was just tryin' to help.

(Jasmine frowns, then walks to join her father. She takes his hand)

Jasmine: I'm sorry, Father. We just didn't want you to get hurt.

Sultan: I appreciate your concern, but I do not need your protection. If I want to go on a date, I will. (He takes Hippsodeth’s hand) Why, it's the least I can do. You did save my life.

(By the fountain, Scara is untying Pector.)

Scara: Oh, where does it hurt? I'll kiss it and make it better.

(Pector indicates his right hand. Scara kisses it.)

Pector: (Points to his right elbow) Over here. (She kisses it. He points to his cheek) This hurts too. (She kisses it. He points to his nose) And here's another owie.

(She kisses it; pink hearts appear and the scene dissolves)

(Setting: The Sultan's Chamber, later. The Sultan, minus his turban, is looking in a mirror.)

Sultan: Well, Genie, how do I look?

Genie: Hmmm.... how about some fabulous hair?

(He makes long, shaggy brown hair appear on Sultan's head)

Aladdin: I don't think so.

Abu: Nah!

Genie: How about something cutting edge? (changes it to a white buzz cut, then to Elvis's hair)Rock n' roll? (to dreadlocks) Oh, dat be too cool, mon! (back to the turban) Ah, stick with the turban.

Iago: I can't believe you're going through with this!

Sultan: Because I'd have to be crackers to go out with Queen Hippsodeth?

Iago: ... you know, this is a very distinguished look for you!

Jasmine: (enters) I'll say. Father, your date is here. (Sultan grins)

(Setting: The Palace balcony, sunset. Sultan and Hippsodeth sit on her horse, Sultan at the rein. He winks at her.)

Sultan: Hee-yah!

(The horse takes off. Aladdin and Jasmine wave goodbye.)

Hippsodeth: (seductively) Sultan, have you been working out?