Ray's Perfect Date

Okay, class. Now, I'm done lecturing for the day. I hope all of you guys were paying attention because I'm never going to repeat any of these words again. Hey, Mr. Amistad. Can you repeat everything you just said? I wasn't listening. Unh! Now for the remainder of the class we're going to break off into the same groups as yesterday and continue working on the group projects. Brad, you weren't here yesterday so I'll throw you in the group with Cornell and those guys. What's up, dudes? Guess I'm with the JV crew today. No. You're with ultimate crew. Wow. Losers, dude. What's wrong, Ray? The worst thing in my life that could happen has happened. You died? Am I talking to the ghost of Ray right now? Don't lie to me! No! I'm not dead! Homecoming's coming in a couple days and I don't have a date. Let's start with the basics. Describe the perfect girl. Well, maybe tall, long hair, skinny, size 10 shoe, and kind of dressed like Tisha Campbell from "Martin. " She sounds bangin'! I got to be honest, dude. She sounds ugly as Why do you even talk, bro? No one here likes you. Yeah right, JV. Don't lie to yourself. Think I'll go release a bit of my excellence, know what I mean? Man, I ain't never seen Ray that sad before. It hurt my heart. I know. We have to help him. Finding his dream girl could take weeks, and we don't have that kind of time! Unless we make her. What you mean? Why go out and find someone when we can just do it ourselves? I don't know what you be getting at, man. Well, for starters, don't call me "man" anymore. Hello, Cornell! Sorry to say this, but Reggie isn't home. That's okay, I came here to see you anyway. See, I need your help. I want to get a little work done on me. I'll call my doctor! I was just about to get touch ups anyhow. Hey, love! So, I was thinking about dropping by a little later with a friend of mine to get a little work done. If you could squeeze me in? Great! You're a doll. See you soon! Hey, doctor! Meet my friend Cornell. Wassup, man? I'm about to Pimp Yo shit! All right, y'all, we got a big fix up with a quick turn around. What we got? So, for the legs, I'm thinking of knocking down the old small ones and putting in some new longer ones. Twice the appeal. Nice. Mike? Wassup, dawg? So, for the hair, I was thinking we import some organic Northeastern Indian and throw that in. That's real dope. What we got, Ish? Look, the easiest part of And that's all I'm trynna say. I think this gonna go well. Cool! So, we got a lot of work to do. Let's get it! Hey, guys! I want y'all to meet someone very special to me. My date Lisa. Reg, that's a hot dog. Don't be rude! She has a name! Have any of you seen Cornell? He hasn't been home since Wednesday. Wassup yo, now word on the street is that you can't get a date. Well, me and the guys over at West Coast Customs are about to change that. What the hell happened to you, Cornell? Not anymore! It's Jamila now. I don't think I'll ever comprehend the logic behind anything you do. Come on, Carl. Let's go back to the car and make to to the audiobook of "Cosmos. " My name isn't Carl! Why do you keep calling me that? Well, Ray, like I said, no friend of mine will ever be left behind. I'm just grateful to have friends like you guys. Aww, yeah! May I have this dance? No! What's going on? Am I dying? And I woke up and there was just blood everywhere. Am I pregnant? And did my water already break?! That's impossible. You're still a boy, Cornell. That's not my name! Show me some respect! Why do you hate me? See? All my pregnant hormones are out of whack! Me and my baby are leaving. Yea-a- Yeah, Yeah Jamila, Jamila, you got a fetus Fetus, fetus, fetus She a mama now She a mama now Jamila, Jamila, Jamila, Jamila Got a fetus She a mama Mama I was 16 years old and the baby The better backs pity in the oven for a sandwich I tell you not to belt when it's in That's a Dodge track and prom night was not fair How you going to take care of the baby? Walla walla Impala, I got a doctor Where is this? I don't know But that baby can't take care of itself Jamila, Jamila, Jamila, Jamila Got a, got a, got a, got a, fetus, fetus Fetus, fetus, fetus, fetus Cornell's got a fetus You only 16 Hey, is Ray home? I have to speak to him. It's urgent. Sure, come in. Hey, Jamila. I really had a great time with you. Me, too. Maybe too much fun. What do you mean? I'm pregnant. No! Y'all crazy. I'm-a get back in the kitchen. Ray, take out the trash when you're done. I don't get it. We weren't drunk last night and you clearly had a penis. Are you even who you say you really are? Is your name even Jamila, Cornell? This might be our biggest catfish yet. Okay, you got me, man. Why the hell would you do something like that?! Because you were lonely and I felt bad. I just did what I thought any good person would do for their friends. Thank you, guys. This is going to be great once we get it edited up and packaged. This show will be a smash hit and save our network. What's up, yo? Xzibit! Hey, man. We don't want any trouble. How's everything Shut yo ass up! Acting like you seen a ghost! I thought you were a doctor. Nah, just a nigga out to get what's his. See, this niggas over here at MTV made a mistake by trynna play me. I'm-a make them pay what they owe. Fire! Murph! Murph! Don't let him leave, Murph! I must be in the wrong place. Anyone know where the set of "Interstellar" is? Yeah, you got to go out and make a left, lot 6. Sorry about that! They just switched it this morning. What? Why won't you leave us alone, Xzibit? What's wrong? I thought you appreciate me pimping your house. House. House. What does that mean I put a bomb in the house. Get in. Come on! Push! Harder! Harder! A little bit more. Just a little bit more. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. There it is! Hammy, that's my hot dog!