The Locomotion Interruption


 * Sheldon: Excuse me. Is it at all possible That you’re knitting a pair of pants?


 * Leonard: Feel like driving to Arizona with me?
 * Penny: I can't; I have that job interview.
 * Leonard: Oh, right.
 * Penny: Besides, I don't need six hours of (imitating Sheldon on her new haircut) "Your hair is different! Why did you change your hair? I'm holding my breath until your hair grows back!"
 * Leonard: (smiles) Alright, fine. Hey, can you think of a reason why I shouldn't invite Amy to come with me?
 * Penny: Nope.
 * Leonard: (annoyed) Come on, you didn't even try!


 * Howard: I just want to pop and make sure that Ma’s OK.
 * Raj: I thought Stuart was looking after her.
 * Howard: He was, but now that her cast is off, he moved out. Honestly, I’m kind of glad. It was getting a little weird.
 * Raj: How so?
 * Howard: I don’t know, they were getting a little chummy.
 * Raj: Like us?
 * Howard: No, not like us. Creepy chummy like you and your dog.


 * (The scene of Leonard's car where Leonard and a not-so-happy Amy are travelling on the motorway)
 * Leonard: Thanks again for coming. Six hours was gonna be a long drive by myself.
 * Amy: (she's very jealous and sarcastic indeed) My pleasure. And I’m not angry at all that my boyfriend was in trouble and called you instead of me. I LOVE that!
 * (Amy now thinks angrily for a little bit)
 * Leonard: Yeah, time’s gonna fly by.
 * (Leonard now twitches his lips for a second)


 * (The scene at Howard and Bernadette’s apartment where Penny is complaining to Bernadette about her job interview)
 * Penny: I haven’t been on a job interview in years. I’m really nervous.
 * Bernadette: (she snaps at her crossly) Don’t be. You are built for pharmaceutical sales. You’re cute, you’re flirty and started that like there were gonna be three things.
 * (Bernadette passes the sugar bowl to Penny)
 * Penny: I don’t have any experience in sales. Unless you count the bikini car wash I did in high school. But you already made me take that off my résumé.
 * Bernadette: (she speaks through her stroppy smile) This job is a lot like being a waitress, except instead of pushing the fish tacos ’cause they’re about to go bad, you’re just pushing our antidepressants before the FDA finds out they may cause rectal bleeding.
 * Penny: They do?
 * (Bernadette shrugs unhappily)
 * Bernadette: (she speaks grumpily) Maybe. (Penny thinks for a second as she now gets very cross) But like our lawyers say, the world is full of things that can cause a rectum to bleed. Anyway, I talked you up to Dan. He’s the guy who’ll be interviewing you.
 * Penny: Oh, I really appreciate this. I just hope I’m not in over my head.
 * Bernadette: (she reassures her) You’ll be fine. Just be yourself.
 * Penny: (she's really worried) I wish I felt more confident.
 * Bernadette: (she informs her crossly) Penny. I wouldn't put you up for this job if I didn't think you could handle it.
 * Penny: (she sighs) Oh thank you, but maybe I should cancel.
 * Bernadette: (She is now very cross again) It’s too late to cancel. You’re going.
 * Penny: But I don’t know anything about pharmaceuticals.
 * Bernadette: (She is still very cross) Oh, I understand. You want something you’re really good at.
 * (Penny continues looking sad whilst Bernadette says "I know" crossly to her out of shot. Now pan to the scene of Bernadette shouting at Penny with complete anger for the final time)
 * Bernadette: (she yells loudly with big anger like Mrs. Wolowitz) Why don’t I get you a job at the “sitting around all day wearing yoga pants” factory?
 * (Bernadette now picks up her coffee mug crossly and sips it in a huff. Penny thinks for a second and finally speaks to Bernadette)
 * Penny: They’re comfortable.
 * (Bernadette just continues to glare at Penny and get more crosser).


 * Sheldon: Any word on my stolen items?
 * Hernandez: We’re doing everything we can.
 * Sheldon: You know, Sherlock Holmes liked to use cocaine to sharpen his focus. (Herendez glares crossly at Sheldon) But I’m sure those Cool Ranch Doritos are doing the trick.
 * (Herendez frowns for a second. The office door opens and Leonard and Amy) 
 * Leonard: Sheldon.
 * Sheldon: (yelps with excitement and runs up to him) Oh. Leonard. Oh. I’m so happy to see you.
 * Amy: Are you okay?
 * Sheldon: Oh. I’m fine. Uh, why did you come?
 * Amy: What do you mean why did I come? You’re my boyfriend. I haven’t seen you in over a month. I just drove six hours to help you out. Don’t you have anything to say besides, “Why did you come?”
 * Sheldon: I do, but…I feel uncomfortable saying it out loud in front of these police officers.
 * Amy: Fine. Whisper it.
 * Sheldon: Shotgun! (Sheldon leaves, with a frustrated Amy behind him)


 * Dan: So, why do you think you’d make a good pharmaceutical sales rep?
 * Penny: Well, I’m a people person. People like me. Some of my favorite people are people. I feel like I’m saying “people” a lot. People. People. People. Pe.. OK, I’m done.
 * Dan: You sure?
 * Penny: People. Yes.


 * Howard: You wouldn't care if I slept with your mom?
 * Raj: You know what? You’re my best friend and she’s in a bad marriage. I give you my blessing.


 * Penny: Listen could you do me a favor and not tell Bernadette how badly I blow this interview? She’ll be upset and honestly I’m a little terrified of her.
 * Dan: Wait, wait. You’re scared of Bernadette?
 * Penny: Yeah, kind of.
 * Dan: I thought it was just me! Everyone says she is so nice with that squeaky little voice.
 * Penny: I know, but she kind of a bully.
 * Dan: She is. I didn't want to meet you, but I’m too scared to say no to her.


 * (The scene of Leonard driving Sheldon and Amy in his car through the mountains of the Utah State Highway)
 * Sheldon: At the hot dog stand in the Denver train station, Heinz ketchup. At the hot dog stand in the Salt Lake City train station, Heinz ketchup. At the hot dog stand in the Indianapolis train station?
 * Leonard: (fed up by this) I don’t care.
 * Sheldon: Wrong. Hunt’s. Hey, Amy, what do you say? You ready to move on to the mustard round?
 * Amy: (she is now really, really cross) Have you not noticed that I’ve been sitting back here quietly stewing for the past two hours?
 * Sheldon: I just thought you were bad at the game.
 * (Amy shakes her head in fury)
 * Amy: (so now a billion times angry) I’m mad at you. (Sheldon faces the furious Amy) How could you just go away like that without even saying good-bye, and then call Leonard for help instead of me?
 * Sheldon: Amy, may I please have a moment of privacy to speak with my roommate?
 * Amy: (she is still a billion times angry) We’re in a moving car. What do you expect me to do? Stick my fingers in my ears?
 * Sheldon: Well, I was thinking put your head out the window like a dog, but that’ll work. Please? This’ll be quick. Leonard? As soon as we get home, I want to have coitus with Amy. Okay, she can’t hear. The reason I called you is because I didn’t want Amy to know I couldn’t make it on my own.
 * Leonard: What’s the big deal?
 * Sheldon: Oh, of course it’s no big deal to you. You idolize me, and nothing could ever knock me off that pedestal you put me on.
 * Leonard: Well, yeah, it’s true. You, you are a god to me.
 * Amy: Can I stop now?
 * Leonard: Just tell her.
 * Sheldon: I called Leonard because I failed. And I didn’t want you to think less of me.
 * Amy: You were worried about that?
 * Sheldon: Yes.
 * Amy: Sheldon, it’s okay with me that you’re not perfect.
 * Sheldon: Can I have one more moment with Leonard?
 * Amy: Sure.
 * Sheldon: Amy just hurt my feelings. I want to break up with her.


 * (Scene: Howard and Bernadette’s apartment).
 * Howard: Now, I never thought I’d say this, but I’m kind of excited to see Sheldon.
 * Bernadette: I never thought I’d say this, but Penny got a job today.
 * Howard: She did?
 * Bernadette: Well, the only reason she got it is ’cause the guy who interviewed her loves me.
 * Howard (answering a knock on the door): What do you want?
 * Stuart: I, uh, kind of got the feeling you might not be okay with me staying at your mom’s.
 * Howard: You’re right, I’m not. I think it’s weird.
 * Bernadette: (she is now very cross) Howie?
 * Howard: It is. He’s a grown man. He’s just gonna live there rent-free? How is that gonna motivate him to get off his butt and get a job? I mean, do you even have a plan?
 * Stuart: Hey, you’re not my father, okay? And besides, your mother and I were talking…
 * Howard: Your mother and I? You’re not my father.
 * Stuart: I didn’t say I was your father.
 * Howard: Well, I didn’t say I was your father.
 * Bernadette: (she is still very cross) Okay, calm down. You’re not his father, he’s not your father. Nobody’s anybody’s father.
 * Stuart: I, I’m sorry you don’t like my life choices, but it’s my life.
 * Howard: Well, it’s my house, it’s my rules.
 * Stuart: Oh, oh, okay, Dad, if I mow the lawn, can I have my allowance?
 * Bernadette: (she now is hugely cross by all of this) Hey, don’t you take that sarcastic tone with him.
 * Stuart: I don’t have to listen to you.
 * Howard: Don’t talk to her like that. That is my mother. Wife. My wife. I said my wife.
 * (Bernadette has almost had enough of Howard and Stuart's argument)
 * Stuart: You know what? This isn’t getting us anywhere. When you’re ready to apologize, you know where to find me.
 * Howard: Yeah, in my house.
 * Stuart: (out of vision) That’s right, sucka!


 * Amy: See. The trip was good for you.
 * Sheldon: Indeed. I was the world’s smartest caterpillar. And after pupating on our nation’s railway system I burst forth as the world’s smartest butterfly.
 * Leonard: Butterfly could have gotten himself home from Arizona.
 * Sheldon: Now I feel renewed. I’m ready to deal with any changes that come my way.
 * Penny: Hey. Look who’s back.
 * Sheldon: (notices Penny's short hair) Your hair is different. You changed your hair. I can’t take this. I’m out.