Something's Fishy

- Teddy. - Great! - Teddy, I've got to talk - Oh you're kidding. Then what happened? Wow. Hold on. I'm getting another call. Really? Really. Hold on. I've got to call you back. - What? - What? I just opened up the phone bill. You are $90 over your texting limit. What have you got to say about that? "I love you, daddy"? Come on, Teddy, this is so irresponsible. I expect more from you. Hold on. I'm getting a text. No, you're not, 'cause I'm taking your phone away. What? No, you can't do that. Taking away my phone would be like taking away your pizza. You're fighting for your phone. By calling me fat? Well, I'm just really mad. I love you, daddy. I'll tell you what You'll get your phone back. - When you come up with 90 bucks. - That's so unfair. Hey dad. Uh, I gotta tell you something. What? Well, I was pulling into the garage. And I kind of scraped the bug truck. Instead of "Bob's bugs be gone" it now says "Rob's rugs be gone. " P. J. ! Yeah, dad? Try and be more careful. That's it? He gets "try and be more careful" and I get my phone taken away? Unbelievable! Whoa. She's a handful, eh, Rob? Today's all burnt toast running late, and dad says has anybody seen my left shoe? I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud there it is up on the roof I've been there, i've survived so just take my advice hang in there, baby things are crazy but I know your future's bright hang in there, baby there's no maybe everything turns out all right your life is up and down but trust me, it comes back around you're gonna love who you turn out to be hang in there, baby. Hey, guys, see you later. Are you taking Charlie somewhere? Yes, to the mall. We're going to go shopping. Shopping for what? Girls. They just can't resist our adorable little sister. I can't believe you'd use Charlie as girl bait. Oh, let him do it. Without charm or personality, it's his only play. Thank you. All right, just have Charlie back by 3:00. I'm taking her to a birthday party at Otto's grotto. Oh, no problem. Shouldn't take long. Hey, Charlie, say that thing I taught you. I wuv P. J. "Wuv"? She can say "love. " I know, but "wuv" gets me way more girls. Hey honey. - Hey. - What's wrong? Nobody to play video tennis with. All my friends are doing homework. Or spending time with their families Losers. I'll play with you. I think I'll go read a book. You'd rather read a book. Than play video games with your mom? Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna go take a nap. Gabe, I've played video games befo. I know what I'm doing. Mom, that's the tv remote. Which I'm moving out of the way. So that I can pick up a controller. All right, serve it up, Sonny boy. Fine. This won't be any fun. Okay, are you ready? Go for it. Wow, this might be more fun than I thought. Where's Charlie? Where'd Charlie go? Oh, there she is. There she is. Yeah yeah yeah. Oh, wow. Maybe we should put that back. Mine. Well, they probably won't miss one ball. I count every ball every night! Can you zip me up? No. No, thank you. The girl that usually plays the mermaid she quit on me. She's now the Pickle at hamburger Hank's. Well, you knew her when. That Hank is killing me. With his fancy minimum wage. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I could use a job. Okay, slow it down. It takes three things to work at Otto's grotto. - One you gotta be 16. - I am. Two you gotta be good with kids, which basically means willing to clean up their puke. "I am," she said less excitedly. And most important, you gotta speak the language of the sea. The what? Like "don't be crabby, kids. We're gonna have a whale of a time. " Stuff like that. It's our hook. Whoa, I just did it again! Yeah, well, don't worry. I won't clam up on you. Well, you'll work on it. - When can you start? - The sooner the baiter. The first puke you clean up may be mine. Okay, Gabe, what do you think? Buttoned? Unbuttoned? Unbuttoned give those four chest hairs a chance to breathe. So you got a girl coming over? Yep, her name is Kayla. I met her at the mall. - Charlie got you a girl? - Yeah, worked like a charm Well, except Charlie got a little confused. Instead of saying "I wuv P. J. " She said, "I wuv poopy. " I think Charlie knew what she was saying. Yeah, but I totally saved it. I told Kayla my nickname was poopy. Kayla and poopy Many years of happiness, sir. Come on, boys, work your magic. - Hi Kayla. - Hi. - This is my brother Gabe. - Ooh ooh ooh! Charlie, there's my little sweetie. Hi. Come here. Have fun, poopy. So do you want to hang out downstairs? I have an even better idea. Ashes ashes, we all fall down. Oh my goodne, you're so good. Okay, who wants to play peek-a-boo? - Who wants to play peek-a-boo? - Actually, Charlie has to take her nap right now. Oh. Well, I guess I'll be going. Really? I thought we could have some Kayla and poopy time. Yeah, well, maybe next time. But this was a really good playdate. I guess, yeah. - Bye, Charlie. - Goodbye-bye. Who's gonna get a big kiss? I'm going in. Mwah! Oh. Boop! - Ha! - Mom. - Ha! - Dad! - Ha! - Mom. - Ha! - Dad! Ha! Can you please make it stop? What are you doing? Practicing video tennis. Gabe crushed me today. You know, it's about 11:00. Yeah, well, mama don't like to lose. Didn't we used to have a lamp here? I don't think so. Dad, get her out of here. I have work tomorrow. You got a job? Yeah, I am the puke-cleaning mermaid at Otto's grotto. But of course if you give me my phone back I can still quit. Be sure and wear gloves. Ha! Ha! All right, let's go. Come on, give me the controller. Not now. Mama's in the zone. Yeah, mama doesn't know where the zone is. Hey. Oh good. You're right on time. Yeah, well, it's my first day. I didn't want to leave you floundering. So where's my mermaid suit? No, that was for a girls' party. Today you are working a boys' party. They don't like mermaids. All right, so what do they like? Hey hey, stop that. Ollie octopus is not a pinata. I know. Pinatas are fun. Okay, guppies, grab your shoes Or any shoes. And join your parents outside. Hey, lock up for me, will you? Wait, what? And don't forget to count the balls. All right, you heard the man. Everybody out. Na na! Na na! Just wait till I get my tentacles on you. Hey, I'm stuck. Could you help me? No. Hello? Anybody? Kelp. Uh! I'm getting better, aren't I? Yeah, mom. That time you only lost 6-1. Hey hey, excuse me, what are you doing? I have to study for my history test tomorrow. Put that book down and pick up the controller. Dad, mom won't let me do my homework. You can do it when you finish playing. I am so confused. Fine. You know what? Finish your stupid homework. Call me when you get your priorities straight. Dad, dad, she's out of control. You have to talk to her. Why? Because when I tell her to do things, she does them? Haven't you been paying attention. To the way things work around here? Well, what am I supposed to do? Well, it's easy. Next time you play her, you let her win. Let her win? Have you ever seen her play? I'm not even sure that's possible. I'm sure you'll figure it out. All right, come on, get over there and study for your test. Oh, I made that test up just to get rid of her. - You want to play? - Yeah, sure. Hey Kayla. Are we going on a picnic? Yes, we are. I have animal crackers, juice boxes. And pb&j sandwiches cut into the shapes of stars. Wow, all my favorites. No, I brought them for Charlie, silly. Well, Charlie's not here. Mom took her to the playground. Oh. Well, let's go meet them there. You know what? I'm starting to think. That you'd rather spend time with Charlie than with me. What? That's crazy. Are you really jealous of a two-year-old? How can a hot guy like you. Be so insecure? - Okay, I'm feeling a little better. - Yeah. The "hot guy" part really helped. Hello? Teddy! In here. What? So how was your first day? Get me out of here. I'm stuck. Okay, all right. Don't worry. I'm coming in after you. Oh, man, wow. You know, if I had unlimited texting, this wouldn't have happened. Okay, I'm gonna try and push you out, okay? Now try pulling. Wow, you know what? You're really wedged in there, Teddy. All right, okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna go for help. Uh-oh. - Huh! - Ugh! Well, another good shot, mom. Is that a bell I hear? 'Cause you just got schooled. Are you trash-talking me? What's the matter? Can't take it? Gonna run home crying to your mommy? You are my mommy. And you are my loser! That's it. That's it, mom. Now I'm playing for real. - Let's do this. - Okay, let's to this. - Uh! - Ugh! Where did you learn how to do that? I found some cheats on the Internet. Didn't think I knew about cheats, did ya? I didn't think you knew about the Internet. Dad, why are you banging your butt against the tube? I'm trying to butt-dial the house. It's number one on the speed-dial, so it should be easy. Ralph's pizza. You want your usual, bobby? The house is on speed-dial two. - Huh! - Ugh! - Mom, phone. - You get it. No, you get it. Hi-yo. Charlie, Charlie, it's daddy, honey. Listen, go tell your mother we're stuck in a tube. At that kids' place at the mall. What's the name of this place? Dad, she's two. Good point. Charlie, go get your mommy. Bye-bye. Good going, dad. I'm not the one who got stuck in a tube. Well, I'm not the first one anyway. No, this is all your fault. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even need this stupid job. Hey, you're the one who went over her texting minutes. Actions do have consequences. Not for P. J. It's like you hold me to a totally different standard. Yeah, I treat you differently. But why? Look, Teddy, this isn't about P. J. This is about you. I have high expectations. That's why I'm tough on you. Dad, that's not fair. Oh, honey, look, I hold you to a high standard. Because you are capable of great things. I am? Well, in the future. Today you were defeated by an octopus costume. And a plastic tube. Thanks, daddy. What was that? That sounded like Whoa! Ow! How long have you two been down here? Quiet! I tried calling the house. In case anyone is interested, it was an emergency. Take that! - No no no no no! - What happened? Oh, this? This is for your own good. Well, we've been playing for six hours. I was about to win. I was about to win. Well, now we'll never know, because I'm taking this and putting it on a high shelf. I don't know, man. Maybe he's right. Maybe we did get a little crazy. Yeah. You know my friend Jake? He has the same game at his house. Nah, it's really late. I know where they hide the spare key. Meet you in the car. Hey, Kayla, it's P. J. It's, like, my fifth message. Where are you? - She's in the kitchen. - What? What is going on in here? I can explain. - Poopy, I - Don't you "poopy" me. You know, it's not what it looks like. Really? Because it looks like. You're having a playdate behind my back. I'm sorry, but it's Charlie is so cute. And then one thing led to another No, I think it would be best for everyone if you left. Charlie, don't let him do this. Say something. Bye-bye. How could you? I sorry. Oh, I can't stay mad at you. I wuv P. J. Save it for the mall. We're going back tomorrow. Hey, Charlie, it's your dad here. I'm filling in for Teddy. Because she's getting ready for her new job. She's working over at hamburger Hank's now, so no more silly octopus costumes for her. Dad, I'm ready. Can we go? You want to say something to your little sister? No no. Don't ever go over your texting limit. Unless you want to end up like me A dancing hot dog. Good luck, Charlie. What she said. What are you doing here? I'm missing a few things. The ball pit was a little light. You really count? Yes, I really count. You don't become a #4 kids' entertainment purveyor. In the Denver Metro area without counting! All right, well, we don't have any balls. Oh really? 'Cause, see, I noticed that your little sister. Had some sticky fingers. Fine. I'll ask. Charlie, do you know anything about some missing balls? Is that it, Charlie?