The Sorcerer

Peer Pressure

 * Right. How 'bout this? I can guess the time.
 * Okay, what time is it?
 * Friday.
 * Dude, I don't think that counts as a special talent.
 * How about this? I can bend spoons using my mind.
 * Uh, I thought you were gonna use your mind.
 * I did. My mind told my hands to bend the spoon
 * That doesn't count.
 * Oh-oh-oh! I can talk to animals! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?
 * Dude, that's not talking to animals, that's talking at animals.
 * I can crack my neck! Once.
 * Why is it so important for you to have a special talent all of a sudden?
 * Because everyone else has one!
 * Carrie can go through stuff. Clayton can shape-shift. And even Alan can float! I'm like a superhero whose only power is converting oxygen to carbon dioxide.
 * That sounds cool!
 * It's just breathing, dude.
 * You could learn a talent. How about art?
 * We both know how that ended last time.
 * I call it, "Global Warming."
 * Aah! What is that?!
 * That's my second piece. It's called, "No Escape."
 * People just aren't ready for me.
 * How 'bout your party trick?
 * Oh, this? That's not so much a talent as it is a medical condition.
 * Hi, honey.
 * Hi Mom. What's for dinner?
 * Broccoli for me, trees for you.
 * That's what I'm gonna do!
 * I'm not sure making school children disappear is a talent you want to have.
 * No, dude! I'm gonna learn magic!
 * What?
 * You know, I'll be like that boy in the book who was told he was special by a bearded guy who took him to a big castle to learn magic.
 * Oh yeah! The nice boy with the scar and the spectacles.
 * No! The butt-kicking one with the snake and no nose.
 * Oh yeah... No wait, what?!
 * Broccoli for me, trees for you.
 * That's what I'm gonna do!
 * I'm not sure making school children disappear is a talent you want to have.
 * No, dude! I'm gonna learn magic!
 * What?
 * You know, I'll be like that boy in the book who was told he was special by a bearded guy who took him to a big castle to learn magic.
 * Oh yeah! The nice boy with the scar and the spectacles.
 * No! The butt-kicking one with the snake and no nose.
 * Oh yeah... No wait, what?!
 * Oh yeah... No wait, what?!

Witch Trial & Tribulation

 * Dude, this sounds like trouble.
 * Ah, what's next? "Ten ridiculous objects wuggles use instead of magic."  They eat turkey for the winter solstice instead of children?
 * Ah derpadabra, I've lost the witch-fi.
 * Tsk. Come on, there's gotta be a signal around here somewhere.
 * AHH! What are you doing here?
 * Teach me!
 * Oh, I'll teach you... Some manners!
 * But I brought all this witching stuff! Eye of newt, toe of frog, wool of bat.
 * They'll never let us back in the zoo after this.
 * Please, ju-just give me a chance.
 * Beat it! You don't have what it takes.
 * No! I'm gonna prove to you that I'm worthy! Try me.
 * No!
 * Witch trial! Witch trial! Witch trial! Witch trial!
 * All right, okay, fine. You can come in. Just stop screaming that on my doorstep.
 * I really don't see how this will teach you magic.
 * Uh, duh! It's teaching our hands to make perfect circular motions for spells. Right Mrs. Jötunheim?
 * Ehh.
 * I think she's just using us to get her chores done.
 * Why would she make us sweep the floor, if not to teach us how to fly on a broomstick?
 * Yeah, I know what you're gonna say. This is teaching us how to wave a wand or something.
 * Bup-up-up! Sounds like someone needs a little motivational song.
 * So you've got a new ambition to become a great magician
 * But first you must do time for Mrs. Jötunheim
 * You need to beat away the dust if you want to earn the trust
 * Of the wizard and the druid, so get out your cleaning fluids
 * If you wanna a crystal ball, be sure to clean it all
 * Do your chosen focus to learn the hocus-pocus
 * Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoo
 * Get down and do the graft to be a master of the craft
 * You gotta clean the decks if you want to learn the hex
 * Perfect your washing motion to get good at making potion
 * Clean the fridge and then the oven to join the witches' coven
 * You don't wanna be a doctor, a lawyer, or a dentist
 * You wanna study magic, be a sorcerer's apprentice
 * If you wanna be a witch, well, here's the sitch
 * Look at me, I was born magical powers
 * Do your chosen focus to learn the hocus-pocus
 * Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoo
 * Get down and do the graft to be a master of the craft
 * You gotta clean the decks if you want to learn the hex
 * Perfect your washing motion to get good at making potion
 * Clean the fridge and then the oven to join the witches' coven
 * You don't wanna be a doctor, a lawyer, or a dentist
 * You wanna study magic, be a sorcerer's apprentice
 * If you wanna be a witch, well, here's the sitch
 * Look at me, I was born magical powers

Magic Misdirection

 * Wait... I think I can feel something!
 * You're right! I can feel my magic powers growing!
 * The power, it's happening!
 * What the?! What are you doing?! You don't have enough brain cells to afford to fry them like that!
 * Wait, what? We haven't learned any magic?
 * No.
 * What?! Why?!
 * Because you, uh... haven't finished cleaning the basement.
 * & : Ohh.
 * Just don't open the door of forbidden secrets!
 * Why?
 * Well, 'cause it's, uh... really, really... boring?
 * Hmm. Sorry. There's been a lot of dust today. Okay, we won't touch that door.
 * That boring door looks like the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
 * What are you doing?! She clearly doesn't want us to go in!
 * I'm just... polishing the handle. Oh, no! It opened by mistake.
 * Soo... I've got a question. Do trolls like, uh, normally eat people?
 * Normally, trolls bait people to make them angry. They feed on people's anger.
 * And then they eat them. Wait, please tell me you didn't feed the troll.
 * I... didn't feed the troll?
 * It fed itself... on Darwin.
 * This is terrible! A troll on the loose, and a missing child! This could lead to... a witch trial!
 * You mean with pitchforks and flaming torches?
 * No, way worse! With lawyers and court fees! And it's my money that's gonna burn.
 * It's okay, I'll help you using the magic you taught me.
 * Oh yeah, about that... I wasn't training you, I just tricked you into doing my chores.
 * But how?! Was it some kind of magic mind trick?
 * Nah, just a regular mind trick.
 * Oh.
 * Ah, come on. Put this on, it'll give you magic powers.
 * You mean with pitchforks and flaming torches?
 * No, way worse! With lawyers and court fees! And it's my money that's gonna burn.
 * It's okay, I'll help you using the magic you taught me.
 * Oh yeah, about that... I wasn't training you, I just tricked you into doing my chores.
 * But how?! Was it some kind of magic mind trick?
 * Nah, just a regular mind trick.
 * Oh.
 * Ah, come on. Put this on, it'll give you magic powers.

Troll Baiting

 * Global warming isn't real!
 * I'm sorry, but there are scientific proofs that--
 * I think you mean, "There is scientific proof." Don't they teach grammar at yoga academy?
 * For your information, yoga is a very physical and noble activity!
 * No need to get so excited, hon.
 * I am a man!
 * Hard to tell with that voice and that ponytail. You don't have to get all defensive.
 * I'M NOT BEING DEFENS--
 * Lite?
 * You only have the demo versions of my powers. Every spell you cast has a watermark. Now, you take care of the troll while I erase Mr. Small's memory.
 * Unexpecto amphibiosis!
 * Aah! What are you doing?!
 * Disappeariosis!
 * Ha! Gotcha!
 * Agh! You didn't make him disappear!
 * You made him invisible!
 * I think I know where he is. Take this! Electriosis!
 * Watch out!
 * Uh, T-T-Teleportarion!
 * Pacificosus absolutus!
 * Oh man!
 * Ha! Petrificus! Oh, oh no! My hat!
 * Too late, little man! You got beat.
 * I think you mean "beaten."
 * Ha! You think you can troll a troll? You got a lot to learn.
 * I know. I always thought trolls were like those little porcelain guys on the lawn.
 * That's gnomes. You know that's gnomes.
 * Oh, right. You guys are the ones with the lucky charms.
 * No! That's leprechauns! You're talking about lepre--
 * You found his weakness! Trolls are only as big as we make them. Keep doing it.
 * Keep doing what?
 * Being yourself.
 * Okay. So, if you're a troll, why don't you have an Irish accent and live at the end of a rainbow?
 * That's totally leprechauns! Stop doing leprechauns!
 * Got it. So the orcs are the ones with the big feet that live in the burrows.
 * No! The orcs are the--
 * Oh, no-no-no-no-no, you're right. Orcas are the panda-looking whales.
 * Ugh! Man, it stank in there! He's disgusting.
 * Actually, elves are quite cute when they're small.
 * I am not an elf! Would you... Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
 * I think we found your talent.
 * What is it?
 * You're supernaturally annoying.
 * You found his weakness! Trolls are only as big as we make them. Keep doing it.
 * Keep doing what?
 * Being yourself.
 * Okay. So, if you're a troll, why don't you have an Irish accent and live at the end of a rainbow?
 * That's totally leprechauns! Stop doing leprechauns!
 * Got it. So the orcs are the ones with the big feet that live in the burrows.
 * No! The orcs are the--
 * Oh, no-no-no-no-no, you're right. Orcas are the panda-looking whales.
 * Ugh! Man, it stank in there! He's disgusting.
 * Actually, elves are quite cute when they're small.
 * I am not an elf! Would you... Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
 * I think we found your talent.
 * What is it?
 * You're supernaturally annoying.
 * You're supernaturally annoying.