The Occupation Recalibration


 * Bert: What does a geologist and Bon Jovi have in common?
 * Howard: They're both into rock.


 * Stuart (on phone): All right, thanks a lot. They have one at Capital Comics.
 * Bernadette: Oh, that’s great.
 * Stuart: No, it’s not. I hate that place. Guy who owns it is a jerk. He’s always making me feel bad about myself.
 * Bernadette: Oh, that’s terrible. What’s the address?
 * Stuart: You know, why don’t I just take you there? That way, I can make sure he doesn’t rip you off.
 * Bernadette: Oh, thanks, but I don't want you to close up. I mean, won’t you lose business? Sorry. That was mean.


 * Penny: Hi.
 * Leonard: Hey.
 * Penny: I’m sorry I didn't text you back. I just needed some time to think.
 * Leonard: Okay.
 * Penny: Come in.
 * Leonard: Look if you want to break up, just say it.
 * Penny: Leonard.
 * Leonard: No, no, no. I take it back. Don’t say it. Just hate me but stay with me. It worked for my parents.
 * Penny: Listen. I don’t want to break up with you.
 * Leonard: Oh, okay. Good..good. So is it cool if I cry a little?
 * Penny: Yeah, I probably wouldn't.
 * Leonard: Yeah. (wipes off a tear)
 * Penny: Look you did the right thing last night. I was a mess. I was frustrated because my career was going nowhere.
 * Leonard: I get it. I want you to know that I support you whatever you want to do.
 * Penny: Great, because I've been thinking that if I ever want this acting thing to work I need to focus all my energy on it. And to do that I should quit waitressing at The Cheesecake Factory.
 * Leonard: Wow. That..that’s a big step.
 * Penny: I know.
 * Leonard: Well, before making any rash..
 * Penny: I already quit.
 * Leonard: And I support you. [Penny hugs Leonard.]


 * Sheldon: What if there is a big breakthrough in science today and I’m not here to see it?
 * Leonard: Do you really think there is going to be a breakthrough without you there to do it?
 * Sheldon: No. I was just tricking you.


 * (The scene at the deserted comic book store. Stuart takes loud sad sigh at himself at no-one buying his comics and gazes around the shop for a second. He doesn't see Bernadette arrive)
 * Bernadette: (out of vision) Hey. Stuart.
 * Stuart: Hey.
 * Bernadette: Sorry. Did I startle you?
 * Stuart: Yes, but at this point, pretty much any customer does. What can I do for you?
 * Bernadette: Well, I need a little help. I accidentally destroyed one of Howard’s comic books this morning, and was hoping I could replace it.
 * Stuart: Wow. What happened?
 * Bernadette: Batman got his ass kicked by a curling iron.
 * Stuart: Well don’t let The Riddler know that. It’s a comic book joke. Or maybe it’s not.
 * Bernadette: Do you have this one?
 * Stuart: Uh, well, it’s, it’s pretty rare. Can you give me a few days to track it down?
 * Bernadette: Ooh, I was kind of hoping to get it before Howie comes home from work.
 * Stuart: Oh. What’s the hurry?
 * Bernadette: Well, he’s always saying I should be more careful with my curling iron, and it seems like a dangerous precedent to let him think he can be right.
 * Stuart: Well, I’ll do what I can, but I can’t make any promises.
 * Bernadette: You know, I do work at a pharmaceutical company. If you can make this happen today, I can hook you up with anxiety medication, antidepressants.
 * Stuart: Really? (empties an entire drawer full of pill bottles on the counter) Do you have any of these?


 * Amy: He’s not my boyfriend.
 * Raj: Are you sure? He’s tall pale, and awkward. That sounds like your type.
 * Amy: Should someone as lonely as you really be making fun of me?
 * Raj: Yeah, grow up Howard.
 * Amy: Well, what do I do? I don't want to hurt his feelings.
 * Howard: Maybe the problem is he thinks you're available. Does he know you're dating Sheldon?
 * Amy: I guess it hasn't come up.
 * Raj: And does Sheldon know you're dating Sheldon?
 * Amy: I'm sorry, who are you dating?
 * Raj: Yeah, knock it off Howard!


 * (The scene at the counter of Capital Comics after Bernadette says "no thanks" to a choice of a coffee that Jesse asks her to which either a espresso or a latte. Jesse now speaks to Stuart)
 * Jesse: How about you, Stu? Mocha? Scone? Directions to the nearest soup kitchen?
 * Bernadette: (crossly) Hey.
 * Jesse: I’m just kidding. He knows where the soup kitchen is.
 * (Bernadette)
 * Stuart: It’s on Merton Avenue. (Jesse smiles)
 * Bernadette: (she's now very cross with Jesse) I don’t think I like the way you’re treating my friend.
 * Jesse: Sorry. You want the book or not?
 * Bernadette: (she is still very cross) Not from you. (slaps Stuart's arm with the ruined comic crossly) Let’s go, Stuart.
 * (Bernadette now storms out of Capital comic slowly while Stuart speaks sharply with Jesse)
 * Stuart: You know something, Jesse? You may have a successful business and the kind of pink complexion that comes with good nutrition, but I have something more important.
 * Jesse: What’s that?
 * Stuart: Friendship. (He now starts exiting Capital Comics by this point) Which I would trade in a heartbeat for all of this.
 * (Stuart walks slowly to the entrance door to Capital Comics)


 * Leonard: You taking Hollywood by storm?
 * Penny: Actually I’m at the Cheesecake Factory.
 * Leonard: You got your job back. That is great news. I didn't want to say anything but you are making the right choice. To plunge yourself into debt right now would be literally insane.
 * Penny: Yeah, I’m just returning my uniform.
 * Leonard: And I support you.


 * Penny: Why can’t Leonard understand it?
 * Sheldon: Because he is not like us, Penny. We’re dreamers.


 * Bernadette: (so enormously cross) Wow.
 * Stuart: Yeah. Haven’t seen this many people in my store since that Korean church bus crashed through my front window.
 * Jesse: Hey, Stuart.
 * Stuart: Jesse.
 * Jesse: Haven’t seen you in forever. Look how grey you’ve gotten.
 * Stuart: My hair’s exactly the same color as always.
 * Jesse: No, I was talking about your skin.
 * Stuart: Look, uh, my friend here needs a comic book.
 * Jesse: (to Stuart) Ooh, and she went into your store by mistake. (to Bernadette) Good thing there was no one there to see you.
 * (Bernadette is now feels a lot more crosser inside)
 * Jesse: What do you need?
 * (Bernadette unhappily gives Jesse the ruined comic)
 * Jesse: Oh, yeah, yeah. I got this. Right over here.
 * (Bernadette follows Jesse to the counter crossly)


 * Raj: He’ll probably climb up the Empire State Building and start swatting at planes.


 * Raj: So we’ll tell him she’s a lesbian, right?
 * Howard: Of course we tell him she's a lesbian.


 * Leonard: How did she get you to do yoga?
 * Sheldon: Well, to be honest, I thought she said Yoda.
 * Penny: I’m helping him relax because unlike you he supports me.
 * Leonard: Oh, how many times do I have to say it I support you.
 * Penny: Sheldon take a break.
 * Sheldon: Namaste.
 * Penny: Okay, if you support me what was with that phone call?
 * Leonard: Fine. I’m not sure you should have quit. But if you care so much what I think, why didn’t you ask me before you did it.
 * Penny: Oh, so now I need your permission. Would you have ask me before quit your job?
 * Leonard: Yes. I thought we were in the kind of relationship where we make decisions together. If I’m wrong, maybe we should talk about the kind of relationship we are in.
 * Penny: Yeah, well, maybe we do.
 * Sheldon: I’m willing if you guys are.
 * Leonard: Can we please have some privacy?
 * Sheldon: No, I’m as much a part of this relationship as you two. I think that it is high time that we put all our cards on the table. For example, where is this going? Are you two ever getting married? And if so, where will we all live? Have you thought about that?
 * Leonard: No.
 * Sheldon: Penny?
 * Penny: Okay, wait? What are we doing?
 * Leonard: For some reason, we’re planning a future where we both live with Sheldon forever.
 * Sheldon: Good. Now we’re getting somewhere.
 * Penny: Look, I know you think I am being reckless, and you might be right, but I need to take this shot.
 * Sheldon: Yeah, no kidding. Despite what it says on her resume, she is no longer 22.
 * Leonard: I swear, I am on your side.
 * Penny: You keep saying you’re on my side, but you don’t act like it.
 * Sheldon: He does that to me too. Why do we put up with this?
 * Leonard: Listen. I could never do what you are doing, okay? I would be terrified.
 * Penny: Well, it’s scary for me too.
 * Sheldon: I’m fine with it.
 * Leonard: My point is, just because I couldn't do it doesn't mean you shouldn't. And I’m proud of you.
 * Penny: Okay. Thank you.


 * [The scene of the most tremendously angry Bernadette returning to Jesse's counter at Capital Comics in an extremely huge bad temper].
 * Jesse: You're back.
 * Bernadette: [she is completely cross] Yes I am! There’s a few more things I want to say to you. Stuart’s store is just fine and he’s a much nicer person than you, and if you still have that comic, I’d like to buy it right now.
 * Jesse: No problem. Oh, you want a latte while you wait?
 * [Bernadette continues with her shouts of anger]
 * Bernadette: [she is still completely cross] No, I don't want a latte. I want a cappuccino and a blueberry scone.
 * Jesse: [he informs her nervously] I only have chocolate chip.
 * [Bernadette now loses her final temper by this]
 * Bernadette: [she finally shouts with a huge burst of anger] Well, that sounds even better!
 * [Bernadette's extremely huge bad temper is now finished as Jesse leaves the counter and the scene fades to black].


 * Bert: Thanks for coming to the mineral and rock show with me.
 * (a very grumpy Raj is sitting in the back and a worried Howard is sitting next to Bert in the front passenger seat)
 * Raj: We’re sorry Amy didn’t want to go.
 * Howard: Really, really sorry.
 * Bert: Eh. Who needs her when I have you guys? Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock sho-o-o-o-o-ow!


 * Sheldon: (opens door and gets out of Leonard and Sheldon's apartment) Leonard, wait! (closes door and follows Leonard) Take me with you!
 * Leonard: No!
 * Sheldon: Please.
 * Leonard: No!
 * Sheldon: Too bad. I'm coming with you.
 * Leonard: (puts his own hand to halt Sheldon) Sheldon, stay.
 * Sheldon: (stops) But...
 * Leonard: I said stay. I'm going to work. Do not follow me. (Walks downstairs to work)
 * Sheldon: (whimpering like a dog)


 * Leonard: (Knock-knock-knock)
 * Sheldon: Penny. (Awkward silence) Sorry.