Phineas and Ferb Get Busted

Part I
(Scene opens with Phineas digging in a toolbox.)

Phineas: Hey, Ferb.

(Scene pans out to reveal they're on a very tall tower tinkering with Linda's car)

Phineas: Have you seen bolt #473?

(Cut to Candace looking through the window)

Candace: Okay, it's still here. Oh, come on, Mom! We're really coming down to the wire on this one.

(Door closes) Mom! (She runs away then runs back) Oh, great and magical being who make all things magically vanish before Mom sees them. Knock it off!!

Linda: Thanks, Vivian. See you Tuesday for totem pole carving.

Candace: Mom! Mom! Quick, Mom, look! Before it disappears!

Linda: Well, if it isn't the welcoming committee. -

(Candace starts shoving her into the yard)

Candace: No time for dry, witty remarks! Must move. Move, move, move, move! Move, move, move, move!

Linda: Don't you get tired of this?

(Candace stops shoving her)

Candace: What do you mean?

Linda: The same old routine every day. Doesn't it ever get--" mm, I don't know-- boring?

Candace: ...You know what? You're right. I guess it has gotten a little old. I just get so frustrated. I always come so close to busting Phineas and Ferb, but it ends the same way every single time. I look and say there's a massive "thing" Phineas and Ferb built right in front of me, but every time you look, you always say...

(While saying this, Linda turns and sees the parking tower, becoming shocked)

Linda: I...see it.

Candace: There it is. "I see it." Right on you. Wait, what? Come again?

Linda: I see it!

Candace: You mean you see my point?

Linda: No, Candace. I see that! (she points at the tower) (Tower beeps)

Candace: (Gasps) You do?!

Linda: How could I miss it? But I don't understand. How the...? Or who the...? B-- What the? (Something flies by them very fast and shaky)

Phineas: Hi, Mom! Check it out! The Flying Car of the Future; Today!

(The flying car parks at the top of the tower)

Linda: Is that my...car?!

Candace: (Ecstatic) She sees the car, too!

(Zoom in on Linda, her shock transitions to anger)

(Cut back to Phineas and Ferb on the tower)

Phineas: (To Ferb) The Flying Car of the Future; Today, is still pulling a bit to the right.

Linda: (In the distance) PHINEAS! FERB! GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!!!

(They go down the elevator)

Phineas: Okay, Mom, be right down.

(Cut to Candace and Linda, Phineas and Ferb walk by and see Perry)

Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry. (To Linda) So, what do you think, Mom? Pretty cool, huh?

Linda: Cool?! This is the most dangerous thing I've ever seen!!

Phineas: Don't worry, we were safe. Ferb invented a new invisible helmet head system. (He and Ferb take off hats that look like their normal heads) "When life's never dull, wear a hull for your skull."

Linda: How dare you do all this without permission!

Phineas: But all our building permits are in order.

Linda: I mean, my permission.

Phineas: This morning I asked you if we could modify our car to make it fly.

Linda: I was talking about your toy car!! How could you possibly think I meant my station wagon?! You are in SO much trouble, young man!!!

Phineas: But...we do this sort of thing every day.

Linda: (Her anger now replaced with shock) What?!!

Candace: (Sounding a bit smug) See, Mom? I told you...but you never listened.

Linda: But I...

(Linda begins to recall everything Candace has told her)

Memory-Candaces: Mom, Phineas and Ferb built a rollercoaster! Phineas and Ferb are one-hit wonders? Phineas and Ferb carved my face into Mount Rushmore. Phineas and Ferb are driving cattle. Phineas and Ferb built a giant tree house robot... (The next several begin to slur together as they quickly come to her) are promoting a boxing match...built a beach in the backyard...built a time machine... built a ski resort! Are directing a movie... built a haunted house... built a giant sundae maker... are getting the band back together... Phineas and Ferb are in my large intestine!

Linda: Oh, Candace. All the times I called you delusional and mocked you to my friends behind your back, all those journals I've filled with an eye towards stand-up comedy...but you were telling the truth! I'm so sorry. You're the best daughter any mother could dream of having.

Candace: Finally, you realize that!

Lawrence: Well, what's all this yelling about? (Notices the tower) Oh, my word! That is impressive.

Linda: Did you know about this?

Lawrence: Well, I -- I...I -- I, uh...no.

Candace: (Clearly overjoyed) What are you gonna do to them? No TV for a month? Or -- they have to serve me for a year. (gasps) How about confiscating their toolbox? (gasps) I know! Take away their seats on the city council!

Linda: You have seats on the city council?

Phineas: We rotate out with the Board of Selectmen.

Lawrence: Well, some punishment may be in order, but, look, there's no harm done really.

Phineas: Hey, look, Ferb, here's bolt number 473. I hope that wasn't important.

(The tower suddenly falls over, demolishing a big part of their house. Everyone stares on, while the car lands safely on the ground, completely unharmed)

Phineas: Well, at least the self-parking works.

(Cut to Candace, Linda and Lawrence, the latter two looking on in anger)

Candace: (Grinning widely) Ee-ee-ee-ee!

(Phineas and Ferb stare at each other, wondering what happens next)

(Scene changes to a picture of a bus full of "state prison" inmates, with Phineas and Ferb in a window. It's marked "Tri-State Penitentiary". The bus moves away, showing Phineas and Ferb in the bus for Smile Away Reformatory School. Inside the bus has students frowning.)

Linda: I'm sorry, but this is really for your own good. We need you both to understand that what you've been doing is way too dangerous. I'd never be able to live with myself if you got hurt.

Phineas: We were wearing helmets. (A sergeant walks behind the bus then holds a Smile Away Reformatory School brochure with an image of a sun on it.)

Sergeant: Don't worry. Your boys will be in good hands. As you can see from our realistically illustrated brochure, the Smile Away Reformatory offers a serene, peaceful environment in which safety, discipline and responsibility are encouraged. Your boys will be whipped into shape in no time.

Phineas: Well, I'll be honest, Ferb, I didn't see this coming. (Notices Baljeet is on the bus too) Baljeet? What are you doing here?

Baljeet: Well, I got kicked out of summer school because my grades were too high. But then I heard about this place. Sure, they break you down and strip you of your identity, but school is school.

Lawrence: Bye, boys. See you at the end of summer!

(The bus drives away)

Candace: Yes, I actually busted Phineas and Ferb! (sighs) This is the happiest moment of my life! Woo-hoo! (Candace acts like an acrobat. Elsewhere in the sky, she skydives with two teenagers, soaring pass a meadow.) I'm finally free!

(Candace and the two teenagers ride on a horse which jumps over a fence. Stacy and Jeremy are on a speedboat as Candace is on a water ski. Candace launches herself through a ramp, passing double-decker buses and playing in an arcade. The puck goes through Stacy's goalie. Candace wins, as Jeremy holds up a bouquet of flowers. It's marked, "Winner". Flowers fall down the screen as we see Candace and her friends riding a horse. Candace and Jeremy dance flamenco in a stage. Behind them is a banner marked, "Tri-State Dance Contest". The dancers twirl as roses fall on the stage. A trophy shines behind a window as Candace is wiping it. An imaginary image of Phineas and Ferb appears and disappear quickly.)

(Song: "The Good Life")

The sun is up, the sky is blue

I can do whatever I want to

Cause there's nothing in my way

A new life starts today

I used to fret and worry so

But now I've never felt so free

'Cause I'm living the good life ('Cause I'm living a good life)

It's the life for me

Yeah, I'm living the good life, the life's for me

Yeah, I'm living the good life, the life's for me

(In the bus, they are approaching the Smile Away Reformatory School)

Phineas: That doesn't look like the brochure.

(Inside, Sergeant is shaving all the kids' heads. As he gets to Baljeet, he is stopped)

Baljeet: I was too excited to wait. (Takes off his wig) I shaved last night. Just call me Bald-jeet. Heh-heh. Get it? "Bald-jeet"?

Sergeant: Okay, listen up, maggots. You are here because your parents are worried about you. Now, the way I see it, the root of all children's problems is unacceptable levels of imagination, fun, creativity and unbridled enthusiasm. Don't you eyeball me.....Our goal at this school is to crush the dangerous elements inside you and replace them with structure, order, discipline and conformity.

(Drilling is heard nearby)

Sergeant: What--? (he looks over to see Phineas and Ferb doing something to their bunk bed) Whatcha doin'?

Phineas: Oh, a few simple modifications. We call it the "Ferris bed." It makes trading off fair, simple and fun...(♪ carousel music) ...as well as giving easy access to the top bunk. All at the push of a button. Pretty cool, huh?

(Inside a bathroom, Phineas and Ferb are cleaning with toothbrushes while the Sergeant watches them)

Phineas: You know, this is a very inefficient way to clean a bathroom.

Sergeant:......That's the idea. Now, make it shine.

Funky jazz

Sergeant: And....no funky rhythms. (Leaves)

Phineas: I thought it had more of a free-form jazz vibe. Huh. Well, you can't please everybody.

(Back at the Flynn-Fletcher house)

Candace: Oh! Ow-ow!

Stacy: What did you do?

Candace: I tripped over Ferb's old toolbox.

Stacy: Well, do you wanna go horseback riding?

Candace: What's your hurry? Let's relax for a little while. You know, with Phineas and Ferb gone, I've had a blast doing things I wanted to do. But it's strange. I kind of miss the little guys. It's as if there was a whole other side to our relationship that I never noticed before.

(Song: "Little Brothers")

Little brothers

I remember when you first came home

Then came another

Little brother of our own

Even when you break my toys

You will always be my...

Little brothers

'Cause you're younger

We're related and you're boys

Even when you're making too much noise

You will always be my...

Little brothers 'cause you're

We're related and you're boys

Little brothers

Little brothers

Little brothers

Candace: Uh, Stace, you're kind of bumming me out with the song there.

Stacy: You know, you finally have everything you ever wanted. Call me when you get over it. (leaves)

Candace: Ok. Maybe a little TV will take my mind off things. (turns on the TV)

Morty Williams: Today on "The Morty Williams Show," "My Kid Is Bad, and I Want to Blame Others!" We'll go inside the nation's toughest reformatory school, where free-thinking children undergo complete personality re-programming and have all the creativity and imagination sucked right out of them. They are forced to think inside the box.

Candace: Wait a second. They didn't belong in a place like that. I know what I have to do.

Jeremy: Hey, Candace.

Candace: Jeremy? How did you get in here?

Jeremy: There's a huge gaping hole in the side of your house.

Candace: Oh, yeah, well, Phineas and Ferb would've usually fixed that by now.

Jeremy: You wanna go horseback riding?

Candace: Would you stop already with the horses? Jeremy! I know what I'm gonna do today! I'm gonna bust my brothers...

Jeremy: Didn't you already do that?

Candace: Out! Bust my brothers out!

Jeremy: Cool. I always liked your brothers. I'm coming with you.

Candace: (gasps) You mean, like a date?

Jeremy: Yeah. A weird sort of prison-break kind of date.

(Back at Smile-Away Reformatory School, Phineas, Ferb, and Baljeet are being forced to watch a video, with machines holding them in place)

Recorded female voice: Age-inappropriate building is unsafe and irresponsible. Good boys don't make anything but their sisters happy. Creative acts are imitable and dangerous. Using your imagination is morally wrong.

Baljeet:The book was so much better.

Linda: Hmm. It's a letter from the board of selectmen. The city council is proposing a millage to cover the overage from last quarter, and they need Phineas and Ferb's input.

Lawrence: (sighs) Perhaps we were a bit hard on them.

Linda: Yeah, they really did believe they had permission. I suppose it was all a big misunderstanding.

Lawrence: Well, let's go get 'em, shall we? We can take the Flying Car of the Future...Today.

Linda: Weren't you supposed to get that changed back to normal?

Lawrence: Yes, yes, but you must admit, it's pretty cool!

Linda: Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Lawrence: Hey, where's the Flying Car of the Future...Today?

(Changes to scene where Candace and Jeremy are in The Flying Car of the Future...Today, almost crashing into a tree)

Candace: Agh! Sorry. The Flying Car of the Future...Today is pulling a bit to the right.

Jeremy: Are you kidding? This is the best date ever.

Candace: (screaming laugh) Whoa-oa-oa!

(The car is on a ledge, extremely beaten up. Jeremy looks down at the cliff)

Jeremy: Maybe we should walk the rest of the way.

Part II
(Fades up on Smile Away Reform School. The students march out miserably)

(Song: "Chains on Me")

I woke up this morning, and the world was gray

Hadn't seen the sun since they hauled me away

The boss man says there's no use in tryin'

He won't let me color outside of the lines

Got these chains on me

And they're draggin' me down

Got these chains on me

Hear that clankin' sound?

Got these chains on me

Mister, hear my song

Don't say imagination is morally wrong

Mm-hmm

Drink of water, boss?

(shrieking)

As long as I've been here

I got nothin' to show

Try to make somethin', but the boss says no

Wanna be creative but the man won't hear it

That big boss man, he's tryin' to crush my spirit

Got these chains on me They won't let me fly

Got these chains on me Won't tell me why

Got these chains on me Mister, hear my song

Don't say imagination is morally wrong

No, they won't let us dance or bang that gong

'Cause they say imagination is morally wrong

(Cut to Phineas and Ferb sitting at a table with tools in front of them)

Phineas: Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today. (starts to reach for the tools)

Sergeant: (Squirts them with water) No.

Phineas: Hey, Ferb, I know what we're... gonna do...

Sergeant: (Squirts) No.

Phineas: Hey...

Sergeant: (Squirts) No.

Phineas: ...Ferb...

Sergeant: (Squirts) No.

Phineas: ...I...

Sergeant: (Squirts) No.

Phineas: ...uh...

Sergeant: (Squirts) No.

Phineas: ...know...

Sergeant: (Squirts) No.

Phineas: ...what...

Sergeant: (Squirts) No, no, no, no, no.....

Phineas: (shivering) Hey, F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F...

Sergeant: I've finally broken them.

(Cut to Candace and Jeremy)

Jeremy: You okay, Candace?

Candace: No, I'm trudging. I never knew people actually trudged.

Jeremy: Look, we're here.

(Candace knocks on the door. Sergeant then opens a window to show only his eyes)

Sergeant: What do you want?

Candace: Um...uh, hi. Yeah, I'm here to see my brothers, Phineas and Ferb.

Sergeant: They don't graduate till the end of the summer. Get lost.

Candace: So much for the direct approach. It's time we tried it Phineas and Ferb style.

Jeremy: Is this gonna work?

Candace: It's just like the Trojan horse from history class. They'll accept this as a gift, then after everyone falls asleep, we'll jump out and rescue Phineas and Ferb.

Sergeant: You two again? I thought I told you to get lost.............

Candace: Maybe we gotta think bigger.

Sergeant: Wow, what a thoughtful gift. Too bad I don't have room for you, handsome. I'm gonna have to get a bigger yard.

Candace: (whispers) Now's our chance.

Jeremy: Yes, we did i--

Candace: Oh, what is this, hair? Gross! I bet you regret coming along with me now, huh?

Jeremy: Actually, I'm kinda havin' fun. You know, crazy, prison-break kinda fun.

Candace: And, ew! Look at this. "Baljeet's summer wig. Store at room temperature"? Huh? The Morty Williams Show? Wait a second. I've got a plan. It's foolproof.

Candace: (deep voice) Yes. Clearly I'm Morty Williams, and I'm back to do another segment.

Sergeant: Hey, aren't you a little...female to be Morty Williams?

Candace: Uh, well, you know what they say. The camera adds...masculinity.

Sergeant: Great. Well, come on in, Morty.

Candace: We're doing a follow-up show on Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher.

Sergeant: My biggest success stories. Right this way. Ah, Phineas and Ferb. Such curious and self-reliant children. So fun-loving, imaginative and creative. Fortunately, we got to them just in time. See for yourself. (to Phineas and Ferb) Flynn, Fletcher, fall in! (Phineas and Ferb come out of lockers, to Candace) You see, here at the Smile Away Reformatory, our motto is, "It's structure, order and discipline today, so tomorrow it's Smile Away." Our methods have been proven 100% effective since... (continues under)

Candace: (whispers) Guys, it's me, Candace. We've come to bust you out of here. Now's our chance. RUN! (to Sergeant) Just testing. Wow, you've done a great job of turning them into, uh...that.

Sergeant: Yes. Yes, we have.

Candace: Uh, yeah, I-I think we should really get some more footage of you.

Sergeant: Oh, really?

Candace: Oh, yeah. You've got..."it," mister. So, uh, let's see. Uh, close your eyes.

Sergeant: Uh, like this?

Candace: Yes! Now stick your fingers in your ears. Perfect. Now go, "La la la la la la la la la!"

Sergeant: Well, okay. La la la la, la la la la, la la la la, la la la la, la la.

Candace: The lights are all wrong. Go inside the janitor's closet. (Sergeant's singing continues) And...action! (Slams door on him) Come on, guys, we can escape now.

Phineas: Escaping is wrong, and wrongness is bad.

Candace: We don't have time for this. Grab 'em!

Linda: Why is Morty Williams running off with our children?

Lawrence: I don't know.

(Alarms begin to go off)

Sergeant: Attention, all personnel. Two students have escaped with the help of Morty Williams, syndicated daytime talk show host. Weekday mornings. Check local listings for time and channel. (dogs barking) Come on, this way!

Morty Williams: Yep, it's time to go back inside the Smile Away Reformatory School for more footage. Those zombified brats are making me one rich - (shouting; dogs barking; barking continues)

Candace: (gasps) I've got to buy us some time.

Sergeant: It's Morty Williams! Get him!

Guards: Oh! Ow! Ow!

Sergeant: Hey, wait a minute. Look. They tricked us.

Guards: Get him! (dogs barking) Get him!

Candace: We made it! Okay, guys, this is your department. Fix the car, quick!

Phineas: Age-inappropriate building is unsafe and irresponsible.

(Barking is heard)

Jeremy: Uh, Candace?

Candace: You don't have to build anything. Just figure out how to fix it! I'm getting your toolbox. See? Your tools.

(Car falls off of the ledge and the alarm wails)

Candace: A bridge! You can build a bridge across the ravine!

Phineas: Good boys don't make anything but their sisters happy.

Candace: Great, great. Make me happy. Put on your helmet head systems, use your tools and do what you do best - build a bridge and SAVE US!

Phineas: Creative acts are imitable and dangerous.

Candace: Listen to me, guys. Forget everything they told you. Creativity isn't bad. It's the best thing about you. (Sobbing) You two can do anything, and that's why I've always been secretly proud to be your older sister. What have I done? What have I done?! (crying and hugs Phineas)

Jeremy: Candace, I know your feeling, but-

Candace: This is all my fault, if I'll never busted Phineas and Ferb they're never turned into like that. (cries)

(Phineas blinks, then notices the wrench and holds it high)

Phineas: Hey, Ferb...I know what we're gonna do today.

Candace: Yes! They're back!

Sergeant: Too late. They're mine. (dogs barking) And so are you. (gasps; rocks crumbling; gasps) Look!

(dogs whimpering) Aah!

(all gasp)

Candace: Perry has a hat?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

Sergeant: (screams; gasps) La la la, la la la la, la la la la, la la la - (thud)

Candace: Do you think he'll be...

Phineas: Corn dog, corn dog. Yummy, yummy, yummy.

Candace: Okay. Where did you get that... Mom, Dad! Thank goodness. The strangest thing just happened.

Baljeet's voice: Fear not. Your parents are here now.

Candace: Huh?

Baljeet: The real shock is you're just noticing this now.

Candace: Wha?

Talking Zebra: I'm just as confused as you are, Kevin.

Jeremy: Candace, since I have no idea what will happen next, I need to tell you something. I love you, Candace Flynn.

Candace: (gasps) really?

Jeremy: (opens the ring box) Will you marry me?

Candace: Oh, Jeremy! I always dreamt - (record needle scratches) Wait a minute. That's it! I'm dreaming!

Jeremy: That would explain the talking zebra.

Candace: Nah. I see him all the time. This, this is actually the freaky part. And it's all just been one...big...

(Cut to Candace in bed, she wakes up, gasping)

Candace: Dream! (pause) So none of that really happened. I never actually busted Phineas and Ferb. I am so happy.

(The next morning at the breakfast table...)

Candace: And suddenly Mom, Dad and Baljeet were controlled by a giant puppet master!

Phineas: Cool.

Candace: Yeah, so I'm standing there, and Jeremy comes over and says (pauses to correct her words) certain things. And...

Linda: (to Lawrence) Go grab my journal. This is comedy gold.

Phineas: Hey, Ferb, we should build a device that projects your dreams like a movie. I'd love to see what Perry dreams about.

(Perry chatters)

Candace: Ooh, I almost forgot. Perry was in the dream too. He was like a super-secret agent or something.

Ferb: Perhaps that's where he disappears to everyday.

(They stare at Perry for a moment. Suddenly...)

SSSN: Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!

Candace: Hey, Wait, What are you doing? Hey!

Lawrence: Oh!

Linda: Oh!

Phineas: Wait a minute. What's going on? I haven't even finished my cereal!

Major Monogram: Agent P, your cover's been blown. You're going to have to relocate.

(Screen flashes, cut to Perry waking up, laying on Phineas' bed. Scene zooms out to reveal Phineas, he wakes up, too)

Phineas: Ah, hey, Perry. What's wrong, boy? You sounded like you were having a bad dream. It's okay now. Go back to sleep. (lies down and closes eyes, going back to sleep)

(Perry does nothing, before he smiles and curls back up going to sleep)

Tired, tired, lalala...

End Credits
Funky jazz

Sergeant: I said: no funky rhythms.

Phineas: Y'know, Ferb. He's right. That was a little funky.