Fairly Odd Fairy Tales

(Episode starts with Poof bouncing on something while laughing happily, camera zooms out to the panoramic view of Timmy's room to show us that he's bouncing on Timmy's bed)


 * Wanda: Poof, it's time for bed. (Poofs up Poof's bed)


 * Poof: Not tired! (Literally bounces off the wall and flies across the screen)


 * Cosmo: He's a little hyper tonight. I probably shouldn't have let him polish off the leftover Halloween candy.


 * Wanda: What?! (Poof flies across the screen again) You told me a rabid raccoon ate it.


 * Cosmo: (With Poof flying across the screen in the background twice) Rabid raccoon, your son, what's the difference? They both foam at the mouth.


 * Poof: (Backpedals into Cosmo, sending him out of screen) Why don't you read me a story, until you fall asleep? Then I'll watch TV.


 * Cosmo: (Hits his head on the bookshelf, causing all the books in the shelf to collapse on him, gets up with a book on his hand) Ooh! Read us a story about The Three Pigs in the Blanket, (Camera zooms in on the Fairy Crock Pot Cookbook) I heard they come out super hot, so you got to huff and puff and blow on them.


 * Wanda: That's a cookbook, Cosmo! (Poof again flies across the screen) This is a fairy tale book. (Poofs up the Fairy Tales book and the butterfly net, Poof run into the book and falls in the net) Poof, which story do you want to hear, Jorgen and the Beanstalk, or Rip Studwinkle.


 * Timmy: Hey, that's not what those stories are called!


 * Wanda: Timmy, the fairy tales you grew up actually happened to real fairies.

(The scene changes to a fantasy world where Cosmorella is sweeping a doorstep with a broomstick in servant clothing) (A bucket of water is poured over Cosmorella's head from his two step-brothers, played by Rip Studwell and Juandissimo Magnifico in the floor above him) (Cosmorella scrubs the floor while dreamily looking at a poster of Princess Wanda on his wall) (Umbrella and Mozzarella slide on the floor in the background, crashing into suits of armor) (They laugh until they slip on the floor and slide away) (Suddenly Jorgen crashes in wearing a pink dress, sending Cosmorella flying towards the wall) (Jorgen slams his wand to the floor and changes Cosmorella's outfit from shaggy servant clothing to a bowling ball kit) (Sparky drives through the other side of the wall and the scene changes to Princess Wanda's castle. There is a line of men leading up to Princess Wanda as she sits on her bowling themed throne) (Umbrella shoves him and they begin to fight) (Princess Wanda grabs his arm and the two spin and dance around the room) (The clock strikes midnight and Cosmorella's outfit changes back into his servant gear) (The scene changes to the next day where Princess Wanda's carriage pulls up outside of Umbrella and Mozzarella's house. Mozzarella sees the carriage and turns to Umbrella) (Umbrella goes away and Princess Wanda walks through the door with a servant next to her holding the shoe) (Cosmorella walks in) (They kiss, float up into the air and the scene ends with a heart framed over them with fireworks going off in the background. The scene changes to a page in Wanda's fairytale book showing a picture of Cosmorella and Princess Wanda enjoying league night) (The scene changes to Cosmo, Wanda and Sparky outside a house made of tennis balls, a house made of metal a house made of cheese) (Foop laughs, points his bottle at the three while they scream in fear) (Sparky, Cosmo and Wanda run to their houses. Sparky runs into his house, holding the door behind him and looks through the window) (Sparky screams and runs to Cosmo's house, looking out the window with Cosmo) (Foop screams in pain before running after Cosmo and Sparky, running into Wanda's house. She pushes the door to slam it shut and goes to her monitor system where Foop appears on every screen) (A rocket appears with a chain wrapped around the house, pulling it up into space with Cosmo, Sparky and Wanda screaming inside it until the chain is broken) (Wanda's house crash lands on top of Foop's restaurant) (Wanda screams and runs away as Cosmo and Sparky run after her. The scene changes back to Timmy's room) (The scene changes to the Tooth Fairies room, filled with jars of teeth on the shelves and the Tooth Fairy looking over at her magic mirror with Mr. Turner's head floating inside it) (The scene changes to Wanda dusting her furniture until the air conditioning is turned off) (Foop sips over to Wanda and gives her a flower. When she takes it, it blows up in her face. Foop laughs at her)
 * Cosmo: The names were changed because no one's supposed to know we exist. (Phone rings, picks up phone) Turner residence, Timmy's fairy speaking. (Wanda poofs away the phone) Thanks a lot, Wanda! Now I can't save 15% on my car insurance!
 * Timmy: Guys, I'm a little old for fairy tales so I'm going to read something slightly more sophisticated. (Takes out a comic book)
 * Wanda: Burpman and Fartboy. Nothing says literary classic than a crime-fighting duo who gets their powers from eating Mexican food. (Flicks through book) I'll just read the story of Cosmorella.
 * Cosmo: Ooh, I like this one! It's about a handsome green-haired lad who saves 15% on his car insurance!
 * Wanda: Be quiet, Cosmo. (Clears her throat) Once upon a time...
 * Wanda: There was a young servant boy named Cosmorella who lived with his evil step-brothers.
 * Wanda: Umbrella and Mozzarella.
 * Timmy: Seriously? Those are their names?
 * Cosmo: Oh sorry, the really clever names like Burpman and Fartboy were already taken!
 * Wanda: Anyway...
 * Wanda: Cosmorella was hopelessly in love with the unbelievably attractive Princess Wanda. I mean, we're talking knockout!
 * Cosmo: Just get to the story!
 * Wanda: But Cosmorella knew that as a servant boy he would never meet her.
 * Cosmorella: Ooh Princess Wanda, if only I could meet you I know you'd love me as much as I love you. (Kisses the poster) Okay, that hurt! I kissed a thumbtack! (Pulls a thumbtack out of his lip and sighs) But alas, I'll never get to meet you 'cause my brothers make me stay here all day mopping the suits of armor and oiling the floors!
 * Cosmorella: Whoops! (Picks up a helmet) Maybe I'm supposed to oil the armor and mop the floors.
 * Umbrella: I'd yell at you but this floor has never looked so charming. (Admires himself in his reflection) And by that I mean I'm handsome!
 * Mozzarella: (Slides into the picture) Excuse me, dear brother, but I am more handsome. (Gets hit by a mop) Ay taco! (Spins towards Cosmorella) Cosmorella, we got an official invitation to Princess Wanda's palace ball. (Holds up the invitation) We came to rub it in your face! (Slips and a suit of armor falls on to him) Now this suit of armor is rubbing into my face which is still handsome! (Admires himself in his reflection)
 * Cosmorella: You know guys, the trick to walking on these floors is practice (Spins on the floor) and clenching the buttocks, see? (Clenches his buttocks)
 * Umbrella: Anyway, Princess Wanda's throwing a ball to find a husband.
 * Cosmorella: That's not how you find a husband, that's how you lose a ball.
 * Mozzarella: No, you fool, a ball as in a big fiesta! Ole! (His shirt disappears for a moment)
 * Umbrella: (Slides towards Cosmorella) And because Princess Wanda is so classy, it's a bowling themed ball with mini pizzas and microwavable corn dogs!
 * Cosmorella: That is classy, everyone knows that bowling is the champagne of sports. I've gotta go to that ball. (Hearts float around him) Maybe the princess will choose me, Cosmorella, as her suitor!
 * Umbrella: (Laughs) Don't be ridiculous! We all know that Mozzarella and I are the only ones handsome enough to win Princess Wanda's heart.
 * Mozzarella: Face it, Cosmorella, if you go to that ball you'd just strike out! Get it? It's a bowling joke!
 * Cosmorella: (Calling after them) You've gotta clench! (Sighs and looks up at Princess Wanda's poster) Oh Princess Wanda, I wish I could go to your bowling ball but alas, I've a barn to sharpen and stake knives to paint. (Looks sad)
 * Jorgen: Ta-da!
 * Cosmorella: Gah! (Hits Jorgen over the head with the broomstick)
 * Jorgen: Stop whacking me with the mop! (Shouts so loud that Cosmorella is sent flying again)
 * Cosmorella: Sorry, you had a fly on your head. Also you're hideous.
 * Jorgen: I am your fairy god mother and I'm here to grant you your greatest wish. You should wish to go to Princess Wanda's bowling ball.
 * Cosmorella: Okay, fairy god mother, I wish I could go to that ball but I have nothing to wear!
 * Cosmorella: Wow, glass bowling shoes!
 * Jorgen: Now you just need a ride! (Whistles and a taxi crashes through the wall)
 * Sparky: (As the driver) Pumpkin taxi. Orange on the outside, seedy on the inside.
 * Cosmorella: (Slides inside) This is nice. (Sniffs) It smells like something died in here?
 * Sparky: Yeah, my dreams for a brighter future.
 * Jorgen: (Poofs next to Cosmorella) Now Cosmorella, enjoy the bowling ball but remember when the clock strikes midnight everything will poof back to normal. Also, the cabby's rates double after twelve and I am not paying for that. (Poofs away)
 * Princess Wanda: (Sighs) I haven't met a decent guy all night. I'm really striking out.
 * Umbrella: (Slides up to her) Princess Wanda, I'm umbrella! Your future kingpin! (Laughs) Get it? It's a bowling pun.
 * Mozzarella: (Slides in front of him and pushes him off screen) And I'm Mozzarella. I have a sexy dance moves to a-spare! (Flexes, ripping his shirt off) A-spare. It's also a bowling pun! Not a pin.
 * Wanda: Losers. (Pushes a button and shoves the two brothers away down a bowling alley) Oh this is hopeless. I'll never find my true love.
 * Cosmorella: Outta the way, people! (Pushes through crowd of people) The cab meter's running and my fairy god mother's a cheapskate!
 * Princess Wanda: (Stands up and smiles) Who is that handsome bowling pin?
 * Cosmorella: (Slides, spins and dances on the floor towards Wanda) Princess Wanda! (Kneels on one knee) You're even more beautiful than you are on my poster and you don't have a thumbtack in your lip! Can I have your autograph? (Takes out his poster)
 * Princess Wanda: Of course, handsome stranger. (Signs the poster)
 * Cosmorella: Well that was great, thanks. (Puts away the poster) Anywho, I'm gonna grab some mini pizzas, hit the men's room and take off.
 * Princess Wanda: Wait! How about a dance?
 * Cosmorella: Okay, but you're coming off as desperate.
 * Princess Wanda: You're so skillful on your feet. You're the only one that hasn't crashed into furniture or pulled a hamstring tonight.
 * Cosmorella: Thanks! (Spins around) I'm an expert at clenching my buttocks.
 * Princess Wanda: I know I've just met you but I feel like I've finally met my true love.
 * Cosmorella: Oh no, where is he? (Drops her) Because I thought we were really hitting it off.
 * Cosmorella: Gah! Everything's poofing back to normal! (Runs down the stairs and out of the castle, leaving a glass bowling shoe)
 * Princess Wanda: (Picks up the shoe) Oh no! I have to find that handsome stranger and I know exactly how to do it! (Umbrella and Mozzarella eavesdrop on her) Have every man in the kingdom try on this shoe. Except Weird Leonard.
 * Weird Leonard: I wanna smell your hair. (Gets hit with the glass shoe)
 * Mozzarella: Umbrella! Princess Wanda is here! Lock Cosmorella in his room so he can't try on the shoe!
 * Servant: Princess Wanda requests that every man in this house try on this shoe!
 * Weird Leonard: She would also like a man to try on his leopard print sundress.
 * Princess Wanda: No I don't. That's just you, Weird Leonard.
 * Weird Leonard: So? (Walks away)
 * Mozzarella: Princess Wanda! I am the man you are looking for. Observe! (Grabs the shoe and struggles to put it on his foot, hopping forward until he hits a pillar. He falls back and his foot is barely inside) Fits like a glove! That is far too small for my hand!
 * Umbrella: Princess Wanda! This is clearly my shoe! It goes perfectly with my glass hat. (Puts a glass fruit bowl on his head)
 * Princess Wanda: That's a fruit bowl.
 * Umbrella: No it's not!
 * Princess Wanda: There's an orange in it!
 * Mozzarella: That's mine! Give it back! (Grabs the shoe, they struggle with the shoe until it slips out of their hands and crashes into pieces on the floor)
 * Princess Wanda: Oh no! Now I'll never know who that handsome stranger was!
 * Umbrella: Cosmorella! How did you escape?
 * Cosmorella: My love is so strong I had to find a way out! Also, my fairy god mother kicked the door down. (Points to Jorgen happily kicking down the door)
 * Jorgen: Give me back my sundress, Leonard. (Takes his dress from him)
 * Princess Wanda: (Gasps) It's you! You're wearing one glass shoe! That means you're my one true love!
 * Cosmorella: I'm Cosmorella!
 * Princess Wanda: Oh, that's a weird name. From now on your name is Gary Hardcastle.
 * Cosmorella: Okay!
 * Wanda: And Princess Wanda and Gary Hardcastle lived happily ever after. (Closes the book) Which is what I'll do if Poof ever goes to sleep.
 * Poof: I ate eleven pounds of chocolate. I'll probably be awake until Easter! Then I'll get more chocolate!
 * Cosmo: Hmm, maybe you should read him another story. (Flicks through his cook book) How about shrimp and the bed of lettuce? It's about a little shrimp named Louey who has an edible mattress.
 * Wanda: You're still reading the cookbook, Cosmo.
 * Cosmo: Oh really? Would a cookbook say "make sure you thoroughly wash and de-vain the shrimp"?
 * Wanda: Yes! How about I read the Three Little Fairies?
 * Timmy: Whatever, I'm too grown up for fairy tales.
 * Cosmo: But apparently not too grown up for a story where the hero farts his enemy off a cliff.
 * Wanda: Back to the fairy tale. Once upon a time, there were three little fairies...
 * Wanda: They all decided to build their houses right next to each other.
 * Sparky: Check it out, guys. I built my place out of tennis balls. I can totally play fetch with my own guest bathroom.
 * Cosmo: Sparky, that's crazy! You should have used more sensible building materials like I did. Behold! My house made of fried cheese sticks! I also put in a marinara sauce moat. (Bites into his roof) Ouch! (Fans his tongue) I just burnt the roof of my mouth with the roof of my house!
 * Wanda: My house is made of reinforced steel and has a high-tech security system.
 * Sparky: Wanda, I think your security system is a little over the top. There's nothing dangerous around here.
 * Foop: (Laughs from the distance) Hello fairies! It is I, the Big Bad Foop! And I am here to huff and to puff and to blow your houses down while rejoicing in every moment of your misery.
 * Cosmo: Blow on my house first. It's hotter than my jalapeño pepper house in the Poconos!
 * Foop: (Zaps Cosmo with his bottle) Silence! Now prepare to taste my wrath!
 * Cosmo: I can't taste anything! I totally burnt my taste buds off with my cheese sticks house. (Sticks out burnt tongue)
 * Foop: And now, cower in fear as I, the Big Bad Foop, blow up your houses!
 * Wanda: You have no right to do this!
 * Foop: Actually, I do. I used the knowledge I gained from a prestigious online law school to legally obtain the deeds to your land. Twenty minutes on the internet, and a fifteen dollar processing fee and viola! I'm a lawyer! The most evil thing there is!
 * Cosmo: Can you give me your business card? The feds are after me for transporting hot cheese sticks across state lines.
 * Foop: I didn't spring for the cards, they were an extra eight fifty.
 * Wanda: Why do you want our land to begin with?
 * Foop: If you must know, I'm building my new fast-food restaurant: Fast Foop! (Poofs up a Fast Foop menu) We'll have foop burgers, foop fries and for dessert free foop of ice cream.
 * Sparky: What flavor ice cream?
 * Foop: DEATH! I mean, spumoni. Now stand aside as I decimate your homes!
 * Foop: Listen up, pooch! As previously stated, I'm going to huff and puff and... oh, who am I kidding? Your house is made of tennis balls! (Takes a tennis ball from the wall and the house falls in)
 * Sparky: I can't decide between fetching the balls or running for safety!
 * Foop: (Zaps at Sparky) Perhaps this will help your decision!
 * Foop: Sharp thinking, you nitwit! There's nothing safer than a house made of soft cheese! (Poofs up a piece of paper and reads from it) By the power vested in me, by sleazy law degree backslash cheapskate dot biz, I will now huff and subsequently puff and I'll blow your house up! (Zaps Cosmo's house into it melts, getting sauce on himself) OH! Scolding hot marinara sauce! Cry cry, yelling in pain sounds!
 * Cosmo: You're probably gonna want some red pepper flakes to go with that. (Shakes pepper on to Foop)
 * Foop: I'm gonna this place up so you three better get out! On second thought, stay in. It's more fun for me.
 * Wanda: Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin! (Points to a curly hair on her chin)
 * Cosmo: Wow Wanda, you look like a billy goat.
 * Wanda: Look here Foop, you'll have to destroy all of us before we hand over our land.
 * Foop: As previously stated, I'm looking forward to doing just that. (Zaps the house away but another one appears out of the ground) Huh, I guess that's why they call it reinforced steel. Well if I can't destroy your house, I can at least relocate it.
 * Foop: Now that those pesky fairies are hurtling through space, I can finally open up my Fast Foop restaurant. (Poofs up the restaurant) Oops, almost forgot my restaurant slogan. (Poofs up a sign) "Have it my way or suffer indescribable pain for all eternity!" (Laughs maniacally before poofing behind the counter with a chef's hat on) I'm officially open for business. I know, I'll be my first customer! (Poofs on the other side of the counter) One Foopy meal please! (Poofs on the other side) Here you go, come again! And might I say you're a very attractive customer. (Poofs to the other side) Oh, the service here is delightful. What is that whistling noise?
 * Foop: Are you kidding? (Climbs out of the wreckage) I should've gotten that Foopy meal to go. (Gets zapped by Wanda's security system)
 * Sparky: (Running out the house) Your super safe house saved us, Wanda!
 * Wanda: (Walking out the house with Cosmo) I think we've all learned a very valuable lesson today.
 * Cosmo: Yeah. When Wanda builds a house, she totally ignores the hair on her chinny-chin-chin. Seriously, let me get that sucker! (Takes out two swords) C'mon Sparky, let's get that billy goat!
 * Wanda: And the three little fairies lived happily ever after. The end. (Closes the book) Oh good, Poof is asleep.
 * Timmy: Read another one, Wanda.
 * Wanda: I thought you said you were too old for fairy tales.
 * Timmy: Yeah, but you're never too old for shady cab drivers and floating houses! Also, I finished the Burpman comic.
 * Cosmo: Why don't you read the story of chicken parmesan and a side salad with a country herb dressing? Ah, the country herb. He's always up to something!
 * Wanda: No! I'm going to read the story of Snow Wanda and the Seven Fairies.
 * Sparky: Wait, why do I have to read all the stories you're in?
 * Wanda: Because I have the book! (Clears throat) Once upon a time...
 * Wanda: There was a fairy named Tooth. She owned a duplex and had a tooth collection, which was kind of creepy, but she was beautiful so no one said anything.
 * Tooth: Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairiest of them all?
 * Mr. Turner: Uh, I don't know how to tell you this but it's definitely not you. Oh wait, I just did.
 * Tooth: What?
 * Mr. Turner: I mean, you're not bad for a middle-aged lady who doesn't work out that much, but Snow Wanda is the fairiest of them all. (Shoes Tooth an image of Snow Wanda sweeping a room)
 * Tooth: That pink haired goody two shoes who rents my downstairs unit? How could she possibly be the fairiest?
 * Mr. Turner: Well for starters, she doesn't have a creepy tooth collection. Second, she doesn't talk to her mirror like a crazy person.
 * Tooth: Well who cares if Snow Wanda is the fairiest, it's not like there's a handsome prince coming to town or anything.
 * Mr. Turner: Oh, but there is! His name is Prince John! He's single and rich because he's...
 * Tooth: You had me at single and rich!
 * Mr. Turner: Uh, I don't know how to tell you this but I don't think you stand a chance if Snow Wanda's in the picture. Oh wait, I just did.
 * Tooth: I'll have to get rid of Snow Wanda. I know, I could put snakes in her bed. (Holds up an armful of snakes) Or I could put snakes in her pantry. (Holds up another handful of snakes. She receives a judgmental look from Mr. Turner) What? I have a lot of snakes and I need to do something with them.
 * Mr. Turner: And yet another reason you're creepy.
 * Tooth: Wait, I have an even more evil idea. (Laughs)
 * Snow Wanda: Oh no, my creepy landlady turned off my air conditioning! She's clearly trying to destroy me! (Screams and leaves the house with a bag in her hands. She runs through a dark forest before her shirt gets snagged on some scary trees growling at her. The she runs screaming towards the nearest house, slamming the door behind her) Phew, that was close. (Sees Jorgen, Cupid, Sparky, Rip Studwell, Juandissimo Magnifico, Poof and Foop sitting on a couch watching TV) Forgive me, I'm Snow Wanda. My landlady's trying to annihilate me and I need a place to hide.
 * Juandissimo: Hello, Snow Wanda. Allow me to comfort you with my muscles! (Flexes and his shirt rips off)
 * Jorgen: Back off. (Pushes Juandissimo out of the way) Ignore him, he is Sleazy.
 * Wanda: You can say that again.
 * Jorgen: No, that's his name, you pink haired trespasser. I'm Grouchy and these are my roomies. (Points to Cupid) Snappy.
 * Cupid: Hey! (Snaps his fingers)
 * Jorgen: Meany.
 * Jorgen: Barky.
 * Sparky: What's shakin', toots? I mean, bark. (Eats some popcorn)
 * Jorgen: Bouncy.

(The scene changes back to the Tooth Fairy's room) (Scene changes back to the Seven Fairies house where Sparky is sitting and eating nachos on the windowsill, watching Snow Wanda mow the lawn)
 * Poof: (Jumps over to Wanda and bounces in front of her) I dribble in two ways! (Bounces away)
 * Jorgen: And Dr. Rip Studwell.
 * Rip: (Puts a thermometer in Wanda's mouth and puts a hand over her forehead) You look hot and bothered. I'm writing you a prescription for more me! (Shows her a picture of himself)
 * Cupid: Anyway, Snow Wanda, (Puts an arm over her shoulder and leads her to the kitchen) you can hide from your landlady in our kitchen. It's so messy she'll never find you there.
 * Rip: (Holds a mop and bucket) And while you're in there, you can do some cleaning. I can't see my handsome face in any of the reflective surfaces.
 * Snow Wanda: What?!
 * Juandissimo: You know, wash a few dishes, mop the floor, maybe clean out the refrigerator. (Picks up smelly bowl) Barky made some homemade guacamole that smells like a bowl of throw up!
 * Cupid: Look at it this way, if you pretend to be our house keeper no one will be suspicious.
 * Snow Wanda: Well, I guess if it'll keep me out of the Tooth Fairy's clutches.
 * Foop: Oh, I see what we're doing! Perhaps you should hide in the laundry room and do a load. I've been going commando for weeks and Snappy won't let me borrow his diapers!
 * Cupid: Your square butt will stretch them out!
 * Jorgen: I have a better idea. Snow Wanda should move my weights from my basement to the attic.
 * Juandissimo: No! Clean my room! (Grabs Snow Wanda's arm)
 * Foop: No, do my laundry! (Grabs Snow Wanda's other arm)
 * Cupid: No, unstretch my diapers.
 * Tooth: Mirror mirror on the wall, now who's the fairiest of them all?
 * Mr. Turner: Oh, it's you. Just kidding! It's still Snow Wanda.
 * Tooth: What?! But I drove her out of town.
 * Mr. Turner: No, you drove her a block away to the Seven Fairies house. (Shows her an image of Snow Wanda cleaning) See?
 * Tooth: Oh no! With her around, I'll never get Prince John! Well y'know what they say...
 * Mr. Turner: That talking to the mirror is the first sign of insanity?
 * Tooth: No! If at first you don't succeed, you poison someone with a caramel apple.
 * Mr. Turner: No one says that.
 * Tooth: (Turns into a floating head in the mirror) I just did!
 * Snow Wanda: (Sighs) Now how exactly is the front yard a good hiding place?
 * Sparky: I see your point. Just put on this ski mask and keep mowing! (Throws a ski mask at her)
 * Tooth: (Rolls up a cart of caramel apples up to the lawn, disguised in a sombrero and mustache) Hello there. You look like you could use a snack. (Holds up poison apple)
 * Snow Wanda: And you look like you could use a shave.
 * Tooth: Here. Have a glowing caramel apple.

(Tooth Fairy tips off her disguise and laughs at Snow Wanda. The Seven Fairies run out of the house towards them) (Prince John, played by Cosmo, opens the door of the carriage) (The Seven Fairies laugh at him) (The Seven Fairies wave napkins at them as they ride into the sunset, ending the scene and changing back to Timmy's room) (The screen turned black until Cupid appears just before the end title shows)
 * Snow Wanda: (Takes the apple and bites into it) This is delicious... (Faints)
 * Foop: Oh no! What have you done to our slave? I mean, that poor girl we took in and helped.
 * Tooth: I poisoned her! Now nothing will stand between me and Prince John!
 * Cupid: Wake her up or the home owner's association will fine us for having an unconscious girl on our lawn... again!
 * Tooth: I couldn't wake her up even if I wanted to, which I don't. She can only be woken up by a kiss from her one true love.
 * Jorgen: Did anyone hit it off with the cleaning lady? If so, kiss her! She hasn't moved my weights yet!
 * Tooth: (Sees a carriage pull up next to them and gasps) The prince is here!
 * Tooth: Outta the way, plunger head! (Throws Cosmo out of the carriage and looks inside) I'm looking for Prince John!
 * Cosmo: You found him! Except I'm Cosmo, the prince of johns! I sell high end toilets.
 * Tooth: You're Prince John? But you're supposed to be handsome... and rich!
 * Cosmo: Well I am flushed with cash! Get it? Toilet humor!
 * Tooth: Okay, I am not marrying you! (Poofs up a hammer) If you'll excuse me, I have a mirror to break.
 * Cosmo: (Runs over to Wanda and kneels over her) Ooh, a pretty lady! Bigger ooh, she's got caramel on her lips! Must be my lucky day! (Holds her head and kisses her, waking her up with hearts in both of their eyes. He holds her hand) Beautiful maiden, how'd you like to be my queen of latrines?
 * Wanda: (Follows him into his carriage) I don't know what that means but anything beats hanging out with these clowns.
 * Wanda: And that's how Snow Wanda met her prince!
 * Timmy: I gotta say, those fairy tales are pretty good considering they didn't have characters that didn't fart or burp.
 * Cosmo: That's what you think! Wanda didn't read the part after Cosmorella ate all the mini pizzas at the bowling ball.
 * Timmy: Speaking of mini pizzas, I could go for a bedtime snack.
 * Foop: (Poofs in with a tray of food) How about a Foopy meal? Eat it fast because I'm kicking you out to build a fast food restaurant in your room!
 * Wanda: Sure Foop, but first how'd you like a glowing caramel apple?
 * Foop: Is it free?
 * Wanda: Yup.
 * Foop: Don't mind if I do! (bites into it and faints on to the ground) Sleep. Snore. Sleep.
 * Cosmo: He's gonna be here a while because I am not kissing him.
 * Wanda: And we all lived happily ever after!
 * Cupid: My diaper is all stretched out!