Party Line

Party Line

Submitted by Hip

(The episode opens to Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi taking a walk in Dome City.)

Mario: Heh, you know, Luigi, living in Dinosaur World can be bad for your health.

(A dinosaur jumps out from behind a building, spits a fireball at the group, which ends up missing them, and hops off.)

Luigi: Brother, I see what you mean!

Mario: Yeah, trouble at every turn huh, see?

(Mario points to a caveman about to walk into a pit.)

Mario: The cave people are always hurting themselves!

(The caveman foolishly walks into the pit and falls down.)

Mario: Look over there!

(Another caveman swings down from a treetop on a vine, but hits another tree trunk and falls down, only to have coconuts fall from the tree and hit him on the head.)

Luigi: Ooh, that smarts!

Mario: Always having accidents!

(As they're walking, Yoshi trips over a block and the Marios help him up.)

Yoshi: Oh, ouchie gumba! Yoshi fall.

(Princess walks up to them carrying some huge band-aids.)

Princess: I saw what happened. Show me where it hurts, Yoshi.

(Yoshi points to a bruise on his back.)

Mario: Heh, good thing band-aids come in four sizes: small, medium, large, and dinosaur!

(Princess applies the band-aids to Yoshi's bruise.)

Mario: *laugh* That should make your dino sore feel better, Yoshi!

Luigi: What we really need is an emergency number to call!

(Giant footsteps are heard. Princess gasps and everyone spots what's causing them: a giant dinosaur.)

Mario: Like right now, for instance!

Luigi: That's the biggest dinosaur I've ever seen!

Princess: And he looks awfully hungry!

Mario: Not to mention just plain awful!

(The dinosaur roars and the group runs off screaming.)

Yoshi: Mergency number! Mergency number! Mergency number!

(Yoshi runs into a tree.)

Mario: Only trouble is, Yoshi, calling an emergency number doesn't work without a telephone!

Yoshi: What telephone do?

Mario: Well, it carries sound.

(A coconut falls from the tree and hits Yoshi's head. Yoshi shouts and starts crying.)

Yoshi: Ow! Goo goo boo boo!

(Mario picks up the coconut, which has broken into two pieces.)

Mario: Hmm.

(Mario walks over to a ? Block and bashes it. A vine sprouts out and he rips it off from the block.)

Mario: I've got it! Watch this, Luigi!

(Mario attaches an end of the vine to one of the coconut halves.)

Luigi: Why coconuts?

(Mario attaches the other end of the vine to the other coconut half.)

Mario: Well, melons are too juicy! They drip in your ears! Here, let's try it!

(Mario gives Luigi one of the halves and walks as far away from Luigi as the vine will let him. He then puts his mouth up to the coconut.)

Mario: Hello? Luigi? Can you hear me?

(Luigi is trying to listen on the other end.)

Luigi: Sorry! I have a coconut in my ear!

Mario: Try talking to me, Einstein!

(Luigi speaks into the coconut.)

Luigi: Okay! Hello! Mario, are you there?

(Mario can hear Luigi through his coconut and responds.)

Mario: Yes yes yes, I'm here!

(Mario tosses the coconut aside.)

Mario: Ha ha! I've done it!

Luigi: Yeesh! Congratulations Alexander Graham Mario! Speak to me! Mario, are you there?

(Luigi throws down his coconut in disappointment.)

Luigi: Darn! Somebody put me on hold!

(Mario runs up to Luigi.)

Mario: I've reinvented the telephone! Ha ha!

(Cut to another shot of Dome City where vines have been set up all over the place. Mario and Luigi are next to a coconut pay phone attached to a tree.)

Mario: Our first payphone! Isn't it great, Luigi? Check it out! Now, if there's an emergency or an accident, the cave people can call for help! A phone in every dome!

Luigi: Gee, I hope everyone doesn't decide to reach out and touch someone at the same time!

Mario: No way, you worry too much, Luigi!

(Cut to a dome building, Princess is inside working as a telephone operator, sitting in front of a switchboard of vines.)

Princess: Hello, Dome Central, this is your princess speaking! Sorry, that vine is busy!

(Princess sticks a vine into a socket.)

(A split screen shot shows Oogtar on a payphone.)

Oogtar: Bowa tunga! Yoshi hear Oogtar?

(Yoshi appears on the other half of the screen using another payphone.)

Yoshi: Yoshi hear Oogtar too good!

(A full screen shot then reveals that Oogtar and Yoshi are right next to each other.)

Yoshi: Who need telephone?

(The next few shots show various cave people talking on the phone in cave person gibberish. They include a woman washing dishes, a man making tools, a teenage girl, a baby, and another man riding a Dino Torch-pulled wagon. Meanwhile, Princess, who is covered with a few vines, is working like mad trying to keep up with her job.)

Mario: Maybe you're right, Luigi! Princess Toadstool is getting too wrapped up in her work! This whole telephone business is getting out of hand! Look, those vines are multiplying as we speak!

(Mario points to some vines, which are still growing and taking up more and more space.)

Luigi: I thought air pollution was bad, but vine pollution?

Mario: The noise pollution is worse!

Luigi: Well, they might talk less if we sent them a phone bill!

(Luigi pulls out a stone slab made out to resemble a phone bill.)

Mario: Problem is, they can't read!

(The Marios look at the payphone and see a caveman walk up to it.)

Mario: Aw, the payphone idea didn't work! Nothing stops them!

(The caveman hits a block and a coin pops out which he uses in the phone.)

Mario: And now, the crops are dying from neglect, while all they do is gossip! They don't work, they don't play, they've turned into phone junkies!

Luigi: If they don't tend their crops, they don't eat! If they don't eat, they'll starve! It could be the end of cave people kind!

(Giant footsteps are heard.)

Mario: Speaking of which.

Luigi: Earthquake!

Mario: Worse than that!

(Several Red Wigglers approach the Marios.)

Mario: Caterpillar quake!

Luigi: They're everywhere!

Mario: I'll fix 'em!

(Mario grabs onto a vine which he swings from and screams just like Tarzan. Mario lands on one of the Wigglers' backs, but it growls and scares off Mario.)

Mario: Yikes! Call the emergency number!

(Luigi runs up to the payphone and feels around in his pocket.)

Luigi: I don't have any coins!

(The Wiggler chases Mario around a tree.)

Mario: Do what the cave people do! Bash the block!

(Luigi hits a block. A coin pops out which Luigi picks up.)

Luigi: Eh, why do I feel guilty about this?

Mario: You're gonna feel a lot guiltier if I end up as caterpillar chow!

(Luigi inserts the coin and speaks into the coconut.)

Luigi: Help! Caterpillar attack!

(Luigi gets a busy signal.)

Luigi: Yeesh! It's busy!

Mario: Climb, Luigi! It's our only hope!

(Mario starts climbing a vine and so does Luigi. Unfortunately, the Wigglers start climbing up too.)

Mario: They're eating our telephone vines!

Luigi: That'll solve the phone problem!

Mario: Yeah, but what about our problem?

(The Wigglers start getting closer.)

Mario: We're trapped in these vines, the cave people are too busy talking on the phone to help us!

(Luigi points up upwards.)

Luigi: Wait, floating blocks!

Mario: They're too high to reach!

(A Wiggler bites Mario's foot, causing him to jump high enough to hit a block, which contains a Starman. Luigi fails to catch Mario, who falls down to the ground.)

Luigi: Mario!

Mario: Get the Star, Luigi!

(Luigi grabs the Star and becomes invincible.)

Luigi: Alright! Invincible Luigi at your service! Time to kick some caterpillar!

Mario: Help!

(Luigi jumps down from the tree.)

Luigi: Pest control! You called?

Mario: Yeah, make these critters bug off!

(Luigi picks up the Wigglers and tosses them all into a treetop.)

Luigi: These'll be the first caterpillars in orbit!

(Luigi grabs some vines, pulls down the tree, and releases it, launching the Wigglers into outer space where they hit a satellite and munch away on a comet.)

Luigi: Liftoff!

(Luigi's invincibility wears off as Oogtar runs up to the Marios with his phone.)

Oogtar: Hey, Oogtar phone out of order! Plumbers fix phone fast! Oogtar on party line with bodacious babes!

(The Marios smack their heads.)

Mario: What have we done?

(Cut to Dome Central. Princess is tangled in vines.)

Princess: Mario, help! I can't move!

(Mario starts tugging at the vines.)

Mario: This is a vine state of affairs!

(The Princess manages to get free and pulls off her coconut headphones for the Marios to hear.)

Princess: Listen to them! A few vines go down and they go crazy! I need a break! We have to get rid of these telephone vines before they choke out what passes for civilization around here!

(Mario trips on a vine and gets flung around the room a bit before crashing into the floor.)

Mario: Or, choke us out too!

(A dinosaur roar is heard from outside. The three of them go to investigate, see that it's the giant dinosaur from earlier, and scream. The dinosaur then licks his lips.)

Luigi: It's that bad pile of scales again, and he looks even hungrier than before!

Princess: The cave people are too busy talking on the phone to notice a thing! They'll be sitting ducks!

Mario: Eh, you can say that again! All they do is quack quack quack! Luigi! You and the princess warn the cave people! I'll distract our hungry friend!

(The song Listen to the Grapevine starts up.)

If you really want to know everything I stole Why not put a shell up next to your ear You can get latest word On anything you might've heard The vine'll tell you what you need to hear You don't need to scream or shout You know what it's all about Listen to the grapevine Everybody Listen to the grapevine Can you do it? If you really want to know everything I stole Why not put a shell up next to your ear You can get latest word On anything you might've heard The vine'll tell you what you need to hear You don't need to scream or shout You know what it's all about Listen to the grapevine Everybody Listen to the grapevine Can you do it? Everbody's feelin' fine Honey honey Everybody's on the line Just listen to the grapevine Listen!

(The dinosaur approaches Oogtar and a cave girl, who are walking together but still communicating through a small set of coconuts and a vine. Mario runs up to the dinosaur and begins to tug on its tail. Mario runs off and trips over a vine, causing the girl on the phone to get distracted. She tugs on the vine and Mario gets flung into the dinosaur. Mario then jumps up and grabs another vine. The woman on that phone is then knocked over.)

(Mario then starts punching away at a wall of ? Blocks, but all that comes out are coins. Mario throws some of the coins into the dinosaur's mouth, but he chews them up and spits out a lump of gold in his claw. He throws the gold at Mario's head, but it bounces off and hits one of the ? Blocks. A Feather pops out and floats around as the song ends. Since Mario is dizzy, he has trouble catching the Feather.)

(Now is what might possibly be the biggest animation goof in the history of the Mario cartoons. The Feather is now a Starman for some reason. Mario grabs the Starman and becomes invincible. He grabs the dinosaur be the snout and ties it in a knot. It then flies into outer space and hits the comet munching Wigglers.)

Mario: *laugh* Call me Mario de Vinci! I just invented the Dino Copter!

(Cut to Oogtar's home at night. Luigi and Princess sneak inside and find Oogtar asleep with the phone against his ear.)

Princess: Gosh, the cave people even talk on the phone in their sleep!

Luigi: This is our big chance to get things back to normal!

(Luigi grabs the coconut.)

Luigi: By tomorrow, they'll have forgotten they ever had a phone system!

(Cut to outside, where Mario is sitting on Yoshi's back. Yoshi is slowly munching away at all the vines.)

Mario: These vines are going down permanently! Next time we have an emergency around here, we're gonna rely on good old lung power to see us through! Keep eating, Yosh!

Yoshi: Yoshi having vine time, Mario!

(Mario groans.)

The End