Chitty Chitty Death Bang


 * Doctor: This is quite a miracle Mr. Griffin, would you like to have a look?
 * Peter: Yeah y'know, I've never seen a live baby being...oh God!


 * Stewie: I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? [double clap] A little service here!


 * Manager of Cheesie Charlie's: If the kids have enough tickets, they get a prize.
 * Timmy: I have 13 tickets, now. Is that enough?
 * Man behind the counter: Oh, sorry Timmy, but you need 15 tickets to live.


 * [Enter Peter, riding an elephant in the backyard, during Stewie's party]
 * Peter: Hey, look, Lois! The 2 symbols of the Republican party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.


 * Brian: Bravo, Peter. You are the Spalding Gray of crap.


 * Peter: Face it, Brian. I'm a bad father, a lousy husband, and a snappy dresser.


 * Chris: It's cool, Dad. They have this game where you put in a dollar, and you win four quarters. I win every time!


 * Peter: Chris, this is a big day for you, the day you become the man of the house, because when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.


 * [Henry escorts Stewie]
 * Stewie: What are they paying you? I'll double it! I'll give you whatever you want: money, women...men?


 * Meg: I can't believe you'd put your family over your own daughter!
 * Brian: She's a whiny little runt, isn't she? [Lois gasps] I said "runt."


 * Meg: Dad, what are you doing here? Oh, I'm so embarrassed I could die!
 * Cult Member: Hey, hey, not before the rest of us.


 * Peter: Sorry, Meg, I guess that's another bunch of people who'd rather fake their own death than go to a party with you.


 * Peter: I cannot wait to taste this cake. The guy who sold it to me said it was delicious and erotic.
 * Lois: Peter, there's a naked man on this cake.
 * Peter: Well, there were only two left, and trust me, you did not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey kiss nipples.


 * The Man in White: What the hell is this?
 * Stewie: It's a boy!


 * Stewie: Victory is mine!
 * Lois: Yes, and this cake is yours, too.