The Bounty

(Opens with a view of Lord Hater's ship, pans in to Peepers)

Peepers: WHYYYYYY?! Is it because I'm not ruthless enough?! (steps on a Watchdog's foot) I'm ruthless! Or evil?! (punches a Watchdog in the eye) Is that it?! You don't think I'm evil?! Whataya call this?! (zaps a Watchdog with his blaster)

Commander Peepers

Peepers: Am I not strong enough for ya?! I can be strong! (tries to lift a flagpole, to a Watchdog) YOU!

Watchdog: Yes...sir?

Peepers: Pick this thing up and throw it at yourself!

Watchdog: But sir, my back –

Peepers: DO IT!!!

(He does as told, the flagpole falls down on him)

Peepers: See?! I can be all these things, so why, why, why, WHYYYYYY?!

(Camera pans up to the jumbotron, Lord Hater is playing a video game a la Street Fighter. Lord Hater zaps Wander)

Lord Hater: (in game) I haaaate you! (Wander hugs him) RAAAAAAAW!

(Cut to Lord Hater concentrating on the game)

Peepers: Sir?

(A short pause, Lord Hater tosses the game controller out of frame and sighs)

Lord Hater: (turns chair around, stands up and follows Peepers) Because you can't seem to do the one thing I continually ask of you: Capture Wander and Sylvia! (Peepers glares at him) So I hired, the three best bounty hunters in the galaxy...

(Lights go out, a door behind him opens. The first bounty hunter, Rongruffle, shows up)

Lord Hater: (offscreen) Rongruffle the Huntress!

(The second bounty hunter, Killbot 86, shows up)

Lord Hater: (offscreen) And Killbot 86!

(Pause)

Peepers: Wait, I thought you said three.

Lord Hater: Oh, yeah. (Points over at the third bounty hunter: a plain flower) the Potted Plaaaaant!

(Pause, the Potted Plant joins the group)

Peepers: Seriously? You hired a plant to do MY job?!!

Lord Hater: Well, he can't possibly be worse at it than you! Can he?

(Everyone laughs and points at Peepers, the title appears, freeze-frame)

Lord Hater: Alright, bounty hunters. (the jumbotron shows pictures of Wander and Sylvia with mean faces drawn on them) Wander and Sylvia were last seen (the screen changes to show:) the vacation planet Phunulon. (the screen shows a safe) One gajillion Hater-zoins to who ever brings them to me, alive. (the screen turns off) Only I get to hear their screams of agony. (holds up a radio) I need them for my Torture Megamix. (presses "play")

Radio: AHH-HAAAA! (Ouch!) NO-O-O! (Ouch!) STOP, STOP! PLE-E-EASE! (Ouch!) (continues under)

Lord Hater: I mean, this track is good and all, but...I think with Wander and Sylvia in the mix, it'll really be bangin'. Now, go, go, GO!

(The camera cuts closer to his face on each "go", ending in extreme close up. Killbot 86 de-materializes under a laser, and Rongruffle rides her rope out. Lord Hater snaps his fingers, and the Watchdogs march out)

(Peepers watches this, pause)

Peepers: Oh, I can't believe this! Those bounty hunters are gonna capture Wander and Sylvia, then Lord Hater's rule will spread across the galaxy and evil will conquer the universe!

(While saying this, he walks up to the Watchdog trapped under the fallen flagpole and headpalms)

Watchdog: But sir, Isn't that what we want to happen?

(Pause)

Peepers: NO!!!!! I'M supposed to capture Wander and Sylvia, and THEN Lord Hater's rule will spread across the galaxy and THEN evil will conquer the universe! All because of ME! (stomps off)

Watchdog: Uh, where are you going, sir?

Peepers: To do my job.

(While saying this, he walks toward the camera; push into Peeper's pupil until we fade to black)

Commander Peepers

(Snap back up on the trapped Watchdog, who looks over at the Potted Plant, who hasn't left)

Watchdog: A little help?

(Pause, one of the Potted Plant's petals falls off)

(Crossfade to Phunulon, pans in to show a variety of carnival rides)

Announcer's voice: Please keep your hands and arms inside the ride at all times. Remain seated, please. Permanecer sentados, por favor.

(Camera pans to the left showing an extreme close up of a telescope with Peeper's eye in it. He turns to the side, revealing he's hiding in the plants around a bench; cut to the view from Peeper's telescope as we see a spinning drop ride in action. It ends, zoom in on the car as it's door opens. Wander and Sylvia come out, dizzy and dazed from the spinning)

Peepers: (offscreen) Well, well, well. If it isn't Wander and Sylvia. Looks like I've got the jump on those pathetic bounty hunt –

(Rongruffle peeks out of a trash can, inhales and spits through a straw. A dart flies out, close up on it as the telescope follows, cut back to Peepers)

Peepers: DOW! Oh, no, ya don't!

(He holds up a coin with Lord Hater's face on it and flicks it in the area of Wander and Sylvia. Cut to the telescope, the coin lands between them. Wander bends down to pick it up, the dart misses him. Rongruffle cringes, then spits out a handful of darts through the straw. Cut back to Peepers)

Peepers: AH!

(He holds up another coin, but bigger than the last, and flicks it away. Cut to the telescope, it lands between Wander and Sylvia. Sylvia bends down to pick it up, the darts miss her and pop a bunch of balloons at a Balloon Darts game)

Carney: A winner! (falls over and snores, five darts have pierced him in the back)

(Pans over to Sylvia, she admires the coin. She points at something, and she and Wander run off to a pineapple juice stand. Rongruffle peeks out of a trash can, growls and breaks her straw)

Peepers: (offscreen) Sorry, piggy! (giggles)

(Rongruffle growls, Peepers lowers the telescope revealing she's in front of him. Shift to side view as she swats the telescope away)

Rongruffle: Think you can mess up my hunt and save all the glory for yourself, huh? Well, I got news for you, Squinty! I'm gonna bag those two, claim the reward, and you'll be lucky if Lord Hater keeps you around, to clean the zero-gravity toilets! (picks him up) Ha! (throws him)

(Cut to Peepers flying, he falls through a hoop of a Basketball game. There is a ding, Peepers stands up, dazed. The carney offers him a plush alien toy, but Peepers growls and zaps the carney with his blaster, charring him. He takes the plush and storms off)

(Cut to an extreme close up of one of Sylvia's footprints. Rongruffle feels it and sucks on its dirt)

Rongruffle: Zbornak tracks. (rushes off)

(Sylvia's footprints lead to the zoo area of Phunulon. Rongruffle sneaks by and hides behind a trash can)

Rongruffle: The hunt is on! (rolls behind a hot dog stand, then cartwheels into the zoo)

(Cut to inside the zoo where Sylvia's footprints lead to a hole with a rocky cave on the other side. Rongruffle hops into the hole, then begins crawling toward something that looks like Sylvia's legs. She lifts up the giant bush strands)

Rongruffle: Huh?

("Sylvia's" feet are actually the feet of a pair of stilts, Peepers is using them)

Peepers: Sorry, brawny! (walks off) It's feedin' time.

Commander Peepers

(Drops of saliva begin dropping on Rungruffel, widen to reveal a monster is glaring at her for entering his hole. He growls, Rongruffle nervously takes off her skull helmet that looks like the monster's. Cut to outside the hole as the monster attacks Rongruffle as Peepers walks off in triumph)

Peepers: Ha ha ha! Looks like the huntress has become the huntred! (stops) Did...ted...hunt – hunted...

(We hear a boom, startling Peepers)

(Pans to the sky as a laser from overhead shoots downward, releasing a cloud of black dust. Killbot 86's mechanical "eye" illuminates from within the dust; it fades to reveal him. Killbot 86 marches forward and begins searching; cut to Killbot 86's perspective, searching the park. He finds Wander and Sylvia looking at a squirrel on a tree trunk)

Killbot 86: Attention Lord Hater, prepare to receive transmission.

(He targets them, ready to fire. Cut to Peepers)

Peepers: Claws off, Toaster Face! They're MINE! (rushes off)

(Camera shifts back and forth between Killbot 86 targeting and Peepers running. Killbot 86 is about to fire when Peepers slams into a child tourist, causing him to fly in front of Wander and Sylvia right when Killbot 86 fires his laser. The tourist de-materializes into pixels and floats upward. The other tourists see this)

Tourists: (simultaneously) Wow!/Whoaaaaa!/Yeah!/It's a stunt spectacular!/Great!

(Cut to Lord Hater's ship where Lord Hater is playing his video game. The tourist materializes, Lord Hater turns around and notices him. There is awkward silence, the tourst gets out a camera and takes a picture of Lord Hater, stunning him, and he grunts)

(Cut back to Killbot 86, he targets Wander and Sylvia again, but Peepers frantically jumps onto him, right when he fires. He randomly fires all over the place, zapping the tourists one by one, de-materializing them. Killbot 86 begins using his saw hand, trying to get Peepers off as he avoids. He ends up cutting the head off one of the park's mascots, its alien actor peeks out. Killbot 86 continues randomly firing at the tourists, Peepers looks toward a hall of crystals)

Peepers: Not on my watch, you bucket of bolts!

(He aims Killbot 86 at the attraction, the laser reflects off the crystals inside, eventually morphing into a gigantic laser beam which reflects in the area of Killbot 86. Peepers jumps out of the way, the laser hits Killbot 86; shift to slow motion as Peepers jumps away as Killbot 86 de-materializes)

(Cut to Lord Hater's ship where a crowd of tourists is around Lord Hater)

Tourists: (simultaneously) Wow, this is such a strange place./I feel like I'm on a real, live spaceship!/Amazing!/Whoa!/This is life./Best ride ever!/Whoa ho!

One of the tourists: You guys really pulled out all those stops! (takes picture)

(Killbot 86 materializes into the crowd)

Tourists: (simultaneously) Unbelievable! Unbelievable!/Amazing!

Lord Hater: You're fired. (Killbot 86 sadly walks off, he holds up his radio and presses "play") Who wants to be part of my Torture Megamix?

Tourists: Megamix! Megamix!

Lord Hater: (to a Watchdog) Take them to my torture room.

(The Watchdog salutes and leads the tourists down the hallway to the torture room)

Tourists: Torture room! Torture room! Torture room! Torture roo – (Door slams)

(Cut back to Phunulon where a bunch of other tourists applaud. Peepers has his helmet stocked with coins, dollars are flying down on him)

Peepers: YES! In your FACE, Lord Hater! (pours the coins into his pants and puts his helmet back on) That's what happens when you send a pig and a machine to do an eyeball's job.

(He walks off and pats his hands, before hiding in a bench plant and taking out his telescope. Cut to the telescope, we see Wander and Sylvia sitting on the bench and talking while looking at a castle attraction)

Peepers: (offscreen) And now, you two are mine for the excessively, forceful taking! (squishes his telescope together and changes it into a mega blaster) Evil will conquer the galaxy! (aims) All because of me!

(Behind him, the Potted Plant rises over him. One of his petals drops on Peepers' blaster, he looks up. After at least half a second, the Potted Plant roars)

Peepers: Oh, zrebdank.

(The Potted Plant swallows him)

(Cut to inside the Potted Plant's stomach, Peepers falls into the acid)

Peepers: No...I was so clo-ose!

(Wander and Sylvia drop in as well)

Wander: Wow! This is the grossest ride ever!

Sylvia: Dawww, man! Bleeech!

Wander: Well, hello, Commander Peepers! I didn't know you worked on Planet Phunulon! See, I knew you weren't such a bad guy after all.

Sylvia: Wander, it's a trap! We're gonna be turned over to Lord Hater!

Wander: Really? Wow! (to Peepers) Well then, I must say congratulations, you finally caught us, Commander Peepers. Most of your attempts to try and catch us are – please excuse my language, kinda stinky! But this plant thing is just amazing! It totally took us by surprise. We had no idea you were after us! And even though we're sad to be caught, I am just so happy thinkin' about how proud Lord Hater will be of you!

(While saying this, the camera slowly zooms in on Peepers who begins to realize something. Push into Peeper's pupil until we fade to black)

(Fades up on Peepers' imagination sequence, the Potted Plant hops into his ship and it blasts off. Crossfade to Lord Hater's ship where the Potted Plant regurgitates Wander and Sylvia out of his mouth. Lord Hater grins, Wander and Sylvia are eventually thrown in a jail cell and the Watchdogs cheer. Crossfades to a map of the galaxy showing Lord Hater's face in the center as red arrows expand outward from it, implying that his rule is spreading across the galaxy. Cut to Lord Hater placing Peepers' helmet on the Potted Plant, the Watchdogs cheer. Cut to Peepers scrubbing next to a zero-gravity toilet)

Peepers: Well, even though I'm a miserable failure and that bounty hunter got all the glory, (sniffs) Lord Hater finally conquered the entire universe and – (sniffs) that – (sniffs) that – (sniffs) that's good enough for me!

Janitor Peepers

(The toilet overflows, snap to black)

(Zoom out of Peeper's pupil, cutting back to everyone still in the Potted Plant's stomach)

Peepers: FORGET THAT!

(Cut to outside the Potted Plant, the bolt of Peepers' helmet sticks out and slices him in half)

Commander Peepers

Peepers: (bursts out) YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! (strangles the Potted Plant's upper half) THEY'RE MINE! MINE! ALL MINE! (laughs) I WIN! I WIN! AND THE BOUNTY HUNTERS LOSE!

Wander: (offscreen) Thanks for savin' us from the bounty hunters, Commander Peepers! (reveal he and Sylvia are leaving in an orbble) Byedy bye!

Doodley doot da doot doot

(Image freezes, then rewinds. Zoom out to reveal the action being shown on the jumbotron in Lord Hater's ship, via security camera archive)

Lord Hater: Watch closely, now. See what happens, here. This is, (plays video) them, escaping, (rewinds clip) and this, is you, (plays video) letting them escape.

Peepers: I know sir, but –

Lord Hater: Ah-ah! Pay attention. (fast forwards) This is them, (rewinds) and this is you. (fast forwards) Them, (rewinds) you. (fast forwards) Getting away! (rewinds) Letting them get away. Y'see, where I'm going with this?

Peepers: I get it, sir! (sighs) Even so, I guess you learned your lesson about using bounty hunters, right?

Lord Hater: Ha ha ha. That I did, Peepers, That I did.

(Peepers looks on, innocently. Pause)

Lord Hater: I didn't hire ENOUGH OF THEM!

(Lights go out, doors between them open reveal a line of bounty hunters on either side)

Peepers: (looks back and fourth) AH! No, please, sir! No! No! No!

Lord Hater: Ooh, that's good. That's the perfect high end my Torture Mix was missing.

(While saying this, he holds up his radio, this time with a microphone attached to it. He holds the microphone before Peepers)

Peepers: AHHH, NOOOO! (spins on floor running, a la Curly of the Three Stooges)

Lord Hater: (while the Torture Megamix plays) Ohhhhhh, yeaaaaaah.

Radio: AHH-HAAAA! (Ouch!) NO-O-O! (Ouch!) (Please!) STOP, STOP! PLE-E-EASE! (Ouch!) (Ouch!) (Ouch!) (Ouch!)

Peepers: (Overlapping) AHHH, NOOOO! (x2)

(During this, cut to a full view of Lord Hater and the bounty hunters bobbing to the music as Peepers spins on the floor running while whining in pity. Cut to an overview of the ship bouncing to the beat, zooming out slightly. Snap to black)