K.C. Levels Up

1 KC, it's time for your yearly review. Oh, is that why we're here, because I had totally forgotten about that. By the way, here's a $400 orchid arrangement. Completely a coinky-dink. You were saying something about a review? Well, your surveillance ability is top notch. That's my girl. Your recon skills are off the charts. That's my girl. But you've also broken a lot of rules. Both: That's your girl. So some of my spying wasn't by the book. But I put a lot of bad guys away. Which is why you're in line for a promotion to be the youngest senior junior special agent we've ever had. Nice. Youngest senior special, um What does that mean? More advanced missions and higher level security clearance. But first, you have to pass a very difficult test. Perfect. I love tests. Is it multiple choice? - Can't say. - Essay? - Can't say. - Is it a test of physical stamina? - Can't say. - Can you tell me what it is? - No. - Tell me what it is. No. - What is it? - Soon. Ha! Got that out of you. - Is that part of the test? Did I pass? - No. No, it wasn't part of the test or - Get out. - Okay. Oh, when danger comes for you You know I'll stand beside you 'Cause ain't nobody keep things hustle cool I'll always find a way, a way out of the fire Don't tell nobody, tell nobody I'm not perfect So many things I wanna tell you But I, I, I, I keep it undercover Livin' my life, no way to learn Doin' my thing, gonna make it work Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless But I always got your back Nobody can do it like I can I gotta find out who I am Ain't got to worry about me It's all part of the plan I keep it undercover. I keep it undercover. You're in Lithuania, and you need to get to a safe house. Which is the closest one to the capital? The capital of Lithuania is Palanga, so I would say Kelme, in a sausage factory in the cellar, third door to the left. Whoo! Do I know my stuff or what? - What. - Excuse me. The capital of Lithuania is Vilnius, the closest safe house is in Trakai, and apart from there being a door, everything else you said was completely wrong. Great. So my test could be at any minute, and I'm completely unprepared. This is gonna be an epic fail. Relax. I promise you, you're gonna do great. You're just saying that 'cause you don't wanna help me study anymore. Hey, look at that. You finally got one right. KC, guess what. I'm hosting a foreign exchange student for two whole weeks, a guy from Sweden. Population 9. 5 million, chief export, tiny candy fish. Actually, it's refined petroleum. Anyway, I am getting a Swede. Have you ever seen a Swede? They are all gorgeous, blonde, and look like Thor. Thor is going to be living at my house for two whole weeks. Thor! And your father is okay with Thor moving in with you guys? Oh, my father. I should probably tell him we're hosting a foreign exchange student. (Chainsaw revving) Wow, Marisa's dad did not take that news well. (Chainsaw continues) Craig, will you get down from there before you hurt yourself? Hurry up and hurt yourself, 'cause I'm trying to study and all that (Imitates Chainsaw) is not helping. Your father is too cheap to hire a tree trimmer. I know what I'm doing. Dad, you barely know how to trim your nose hairs. How are you gonna trim a tree? How hard can it be? It's just one branch. (Chainsaw revs) - Got it. - (Branch snaps) - (Glass shatters) - Uh-oh. Hey, you know that branch I was just trying to cut down? Yeah. It may or may not have ended up in Mrs. Goldfeder's kitchen. Oh, boy. Maybe Mrs. Goldfeder won't notice. (Mrs. Goldfeder shrieking) Yeah, I think she noticed. So, Cooper, what do you plan on doing about your tree that's currently residing on top of my refrigerator? Hey, look on the bright side. It could be residing on the top of your Petey. What she means to say is, as much as we love your kitchen, we think a skylight would be a nice way to brighten things up. We mean we're sorry. Don't apologize. Just pay for a suite at the Five Seasons Hotel. The last time I checked, there was only four seasons. Hm, let's see. Winter, spring, summer, fall, and oh yeah, lawsuit! I am not paying for a suite at that fancy hotel. What he means is, why don't you just stay here until your house is repaired? No, no, no, no, no! Stop the clock. They cannot stay here because I have that big exam at school to study for, remember? We'd love to. I'll go pack my sundries. You will be hiring a cleaning crew, right? We can't have this mess when you host the neighborhood pot luck. The neighborhood what the heck are you talking about? We didn't hear about any pot luck. Is this a new thing? No, we have it every year Yeah, yeah, it's new. I was supposed to host it at my house, but now it's here, because you casa is mi casa. You know what's a better casa? The International Casa of Pancakes. They got a little private room in the back, too. My lawyer's on speed dial. Whoa, whoa. KC's just joking. We'd be happy to host the pot luck. What are you guys thinking? If I don't pass that test, I have to wait a whole nother year to take it. Then I'll be the oldest youngest junior senior specialist agent ever. I for one think hosting a neighborhood pot luck is a great idea. We're spies, but we're also human beings, and we're disconnected from our neighbors. We need to be part of the fabric of this society. Or at least not be the uninvited losers. Guys, we cannot do this pot luck. I need to study for my test. KC, sorry. It's a done deal. Okay, fine. Now Mrs. Goldfeder and the entire neighborhood will be hanging out in our house. Hey, maybe we can all celebrate my failure together. Hey, KC, you know what you can bring to the pot luck? A better attitude. KC, meet my foreign exchange student, who ironically you cannot exchange, because, trust me, I have tried. Hi. I'm KC. Nice to meet you. (Swedish accent) It is nice to meet you, too. There has been a huge mix-up. I was expecting tall, muscle-y Thor, and I got stuck with this Jerk. Okay, Marisa, do not call him that. Why not? That is his name. Hey, Jerk, come over here. Actually, it's "Yerk. " Like New Yerk. Yerk, ja, this is me. Can you believe I got stuck with this Yerk? He looks nothing like the guy in the brochures. This is not the Swede I ordered. Marisa, he is a foreign exchange student. He is not your mail order boyfriend. Can't he be both? Come on, Yerk. Let's go. (Yodels) Marisa, I'm pretty sure that's Switzerland. Petey, you're going to sleep up here, and if you need anything, that's too bad. Sleep up here? With a view of all the trees? I don't think I can do it. Petey, you can't do a lot of things. But if you take sleeping off the table, you're left with very little. A tree came crashing through my roof. My whole life flashed before my eyes. Granted, it didn't take very long, but it flashed. I'll be too scared to sleep. I've never been scared. Just wasn't wired that way. Never been scared, huh? We'll see about that. (Shrieks) Boy, if you're trying to scare me, you're gonna have to try a lot harder than that. Ninety-eight burpees. Ninety-nine burpees. Named after its inventor, physiologist Royal H. Burpee. That's not gonna be on my test, but it's good to know; I might be on Jeopardy one day. Who's Burpee, Alex? One hundred. Hi, roomie. Thanks for letting me bunk with you. You sure I'm not putting you out? Oh, no, it's all good. I set up an air mattress over there. Good. I'm sure you'll be comfortable. Ooh. Memory foam. And hopefully, it can forget. You're not going to do that all night, are you? Not anymore, I'm not. (Screaming) Petey!! Petey: What?! Did you brush your teeth? - No! - Go do it now. You know gingivitis runs in our family. But Mom For crying out loud, go brush your teeth! You don't have to yell, KC. Good night, Mrs. G. Nighty-night, dear. (Crying) Mrs. G., are you crying or calling a bear? I always cry myself to sleep. I keep everything all bottled up during the day, and then, at night, I turn out the lights and let the demons out. You should try it some time. Why not? It'll be good practice for when I fail my test. (Both sobbing) Okay, the whole neighborhood will be here in a minute, so put this platter on the buffet. (Gasps) A plastic serving spoon? What are we, barbarians? Why don't we just throw the food on the ground and let the neighbors lick it up like dogs? And he wonders why we've never been invited to the pot luck before. All right, guys, so there's 137 different ways to dislocate someone's shoulder. I can only remember 124 of them. - Oh, wait - (Bones cracking) Yeah, that's 125. How many ways to pop it back in? - Just one. - (Bones cracking) (Watch chiming) Coopers, we just got intel that an assassin hacked our database. The good news is, we stopped him before he found any information - on taking down the Organization. - And the bad news? He found a ton of information about taking down our agents, like where some of them live. Well, not us, right? O kay. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This cannot be happening. I have a test, okay? I don't have time to be assassinated. Guys, we gotta cancel the party. Is it a going-away party? Because it probably should be. Oh, look. I got a gift. I wonder what it could be. (Roaring) I said roar!! Yeah, I heard what you said. Come on. Don't tell me that didn't scare you. I'm sorry. Here's an idea. How about you get back in the box, and let's try it again. And this time, give me a big, loud, angry roar, okay? Okay, okay. (Roaring) Oh, she left. - (Roaring) - (Screaming) Now that's how you do it. Welcome, welcome. How you doin'? All right. Excuse me. All right. These crab cakes are going like hot cakes. I hope we have enough. Nothing worse than running out of food. Really? Nothing? How about war? Disease? Getting knocked off in your own home by an unknown assailant? No one's eating my stuffed mushrooms. There's nothing worse than no one eating your food at a party. What is wrong with this family? There is a killer here, and we need to find out who they are. KC, we also have to keep our covers, which means, like it or not, this party has to go on. What are those? These are my conversation starters. I did recon on all the neighbors, and wrote up insightful questions to ask. That way, they'll be impressed by my witty repartee. Then maybe someone in this neighborhood will actually like us. Perfect. I'm gonna go ask the neighbors these questions, and see if I can sniff out our bad guy. Or gal. - Hi, Mrs - Perkins. Perkins. How are you doing? Well, every day's a battle. Interesting choice of words. Oh, Perkins. So are you and Mr. Perkins still planning on taking your annual cruise to Majorca? Well, I'm not going, but Mr. Perkins is. He left me three months ago. And, um, would you say that made you angry enough to become a hit man? You know, this weird social behavior of yours is the reason you are never invited to the pot luck. Nice talking to you. Well, now thanks to you, there's one neighbor we're never gonna win over. I'm sorry, Ernie, but would you like to be alive or popular? Gee, let me think about it. Popular. I was just sitting there, minding my own business, then a tree crashed into my kitchen. (All gasping) Uh, hi. I don't believe we've ever met. I'm KC Cooper, and you are? Martin Sherman. Just moved in a couple of weeks ago. Oh, great. How do you like the neighborhood? It's fine. I don't really plan on being here that long. Oh. Interesting. So what do you do for a living, Mr. Sherman? That's not something I discuss at parties. Huh. What are you doing? What's going on? I know why you're here. To have a good time? Oh, save it. What are you doing to Mr. Sherman? He is the assassin, okay? He's not staying here long, he just moved here, and he's not telling me what he does for a living. Martin Sherman, undertaker-embalmer. Oh, I see how that's not really good party talk. Why'd you say you weren't staying here long? None of us are. It's all just temporary. Great. The one person in this neighborhood who didn't have an opinion about us now has one, and it's not good. Okay, I'm sorry. Why am I the only one in this family who is worried about finding the killer? Mushrooms. These mushrooms, guys, are killer! Yum. They are just delicious. Hey, Judy. Sorry I tried to scare you. It's cool. So you accept my apology? Yeah. It's no big deal. Then shake on it. No, we're good. I insist we make it official. No, really, Petey, it's all good. Shake my hand! Fine. Really? Nothing? You might wanna see a doctor about that. Hey, who wants the last crab cake? By the way, stay away from the stuffed mushrooms. I found a fingernail in 'em. Thank you. I can't believe you did that. What? Um, in Sweden, Marisa, it's actually rude to take the last hors d'oeuvre. Also rude here. Kinda rude everywhere. (Muffled) Sorry. Yes, that's much less rude. Marisa, I have had it down to here with you. You have had it down to here with me? Yes. You are what's known as an ugly American, except that clearly, you are very attractive. Hotter than a pocket. But still, you are an ugly American. Well, I want you on the next bus to Sweden. I kind of think you're missing the point of the exchange program, and transportation in general. KC, we have a crab cake emergency. We're totally out. And there's two hours left of the party. The real question is how much time do we have left? If you need crab cakes, you should just order in some from Paul's Crab Shack on D Street. I would but Paul's is actually a great idea. Yeah, no, for sure. I think I have a menu upstairs. You wanna come help me find it, Yerk? Okey-dokey. I could've sworn we had a menu up here. I guess we threw it out when Paul's Crab Shack went out of business two years ago Yerk. Or should I say jerk? Or should I say assassin? (American accent) Wow, you caught me, KC. Looks like the party's over for you! Eight ball, corner pocket. Any last words before I haul you off to prison, sucka? Just one. - Congratulations! - Excuse me. - You passed your test. - Test? This is a te This is my test. I passed my test, guys! Congratulations, KC Cooper. You are now officially the youngest senior junior special agent ever. In your face, Sarah. Yeah! I can't believe you guys were in on this the whole time. I thought you were on to us. I should've been. It all makes sense now. I mean, Dad, since when do you do yard work? Craig: Hey, it took a lot of skill to get that branch to fall onto the kitchen. Kira: And that forced the Goldfeders to move in with us. KC: And with Mrs. G. in my room, you guys knew I'd be distracted. Kira: And moving the pot luck to the house made it even harder for you to identify your target. And then Mom tried to throw me off by making those awful stuffed mushrooms. (Forced laugh) Yeah. That was part of it. I still don't understand why you guys had to make it so hard. Because, KC, an agent has to function at a high level even when their life isn't perfect. And we needed to know that you would pass this test even when you're tired or stressed out or distracted, and honey, you did. The one thing I can't figure out is if Yerk is actually an agent, then whatever happened to Marisa's foreign exchange student? Yeah. Hot as a pocket. (Petey shrieking) Petey, if you're trying to scare me again, get a new bit. It is getting old. I have some big news. Mom's selling our house and we're moving. - Really? - Yeah. Wow. You know what? I'm actually gonna miss you. Don't worry. We'll be close by. In fact, we're moving in with your family. I'll be with you forever. (Shrieking) I knew I could scare her. Rob, your name's on TV.