My Pretty Seahorse

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "My Pretty Seahorse" from season 3, which aired on July 12, 2002.

Plot
Narrator: Ah, springtime in Bikini Bottom. All sea creatures have an innate sense of the seasonal changes... (Patrick's jumps out of his rock with a purple sweater on) ...like the starfish. A quick survey of his environment... (scratches his back) ...and he knows that.

Patrick: It's spring!

Narrator: The starfish then sheds his winter coat (takes his sweater off) and stores it away safe for winter. (buries the sweater in the sand)

SpongeBob: (walks outside and smells the air) I'd better call the doctor, 'cause I've got spring fever! Good morning, little flowers. (sniffs them into his nose) Hello Squidward, isn't it a lovely day?

Squidward: Huh?

SpongeBob: Have you said hello to the flowers yet?

Squidward: (sighs) Good morning, flowers. (flowers hiss at him like snakes. Squidward runs inside)

SpongeBob: Gosh, I didn't know Squidward had hay fever. I'll do him the kindness and plant him some hypoallergenic flowers. (SpongeBob digs a hole and puts the flower in it) You're on your way. I bet you're thirsty. (turns around and grabs his container. When he turns back around, the flower is half eaten. Plants a new flower. Turns around and grabs the container of water, he sees the flower is eaten again) Huh? (plants a new one) I'm not taking my eyes off you. (eyes stretch out staring at the flower)

Narrator: Three days later...

(SpongeBob is still staring but his eyes have shriveled up so he uses the water to make his eyes normal)

Patrick: (running by) Hey, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: (turns around) Hi Patrick! (when SpongeBob turns around, the flower is eaten again) How does this keep happening? (notices a seahorse eating the flower next to him) Hi. (horse neighs then gallops onto a rock) She's beautiful! (SpongeBob imagines riding the seahorse with a head full of wavy hair) What a magnificent seahorse. I shall tame her. Who knows what we can accomplish? (scene cuts to seahorse eating some flowers and SpongeBob looking at her from a distance writing in a book) Because of her mysterious behavior, I have decided to name her Mystery. Hmmm, now that I think of it, she is very graceful and majestic. Perhaps I should name her Grace, or Majesty, or Debbie. (seahorse neighs) She must have spotted my floral bookmark! (using a flower bookmark in his book. The seahorse gallops over slowly) She's coming this way. That's it girl. Don't be afraid. I'm just a talking sponge, is all. (sniffs the bookmark then eats it. Scene cuts to SpongeBob riding with Mystery, blowing a bubble heart, posting for Mystery, making stamp books, and walking out of a store laughing. Scene cuts to nighttime in SpongeBob’s bed where SpongeBob is sleeping on the floor and Mystery is in SpongeBob’s bed) Gosh, Mystery, that was the greatest day of my life. Do you think we'll be friends forever? (Mystery is asleep) I'll take that as a yes!

Squidward: (its now morning as Squidward rides his bike. Then SpongeBob and Mystery gallop by him) What the...?

SpongeBob: Hey Squidward! Still riding a machine to work, I see!

Squidward: Don't say anything Squidward, remember your karma. (Squidward's bike trips on something and he falls off a cliff then explodes. He groans. SpongeBob arrives at the Krusty Krab and ties Mystery to a bike rack)

SpongeBob: Whoa girl. Now you wait out here until I'm done with work. See you at the end out my shift. (walks in as Scooter and a friend walk by)

Scooter: Hey look, Mr Krabs put in a kiddy ride!

Lloyd: Why don't you try it out? (Scooter gets out a quarter)

Scooter: I can't find the coin slot. Here it is! (Scooter finds the coin slot but Mystery kicks Scooter into the background and he explodes)

Scooter: (runs off) Help! Kiddy ride on the loose!

Mr. Krabs: (walks out) What's with all the ruckus? (gasps) A monster scaring away me customers!

SpongeBob: That's not a monster Mr. Krabs, it's a horse. She's my friend. Her name is Mystery.

Mr. Krabs: You're a mystery, SpongeBob. (SpongeBob laughs) Get rid of it.

SpongeBob: Huh? Please, Mr. Krabs, let her stay! She won't hurt nobody nohow!

Mr. Krabs: It's either you or Mystery.

SpongeBob: I knew I should've named her Debbie. (scene cuts to SpongeBob, sad, grilling up some patties)

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, thanks for finally getting rid of that horse!

SpongeBob: (in a sad voice) You're welcome, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Now, if we could only get rid of Squidward. (laughs then walks out)

SpongeBob: Good one, sir. (takes his pair of sad eyes off) Ha, it worked, girl! (opens the cabinet with Mystery inside it) We'll just keep you here until Patrick finishes that stable I asked him to build. (scene cuts to Patrick with a board on his forehead) Only eight more hours. (closes cupboards)

Narrator: Twelve seconds later... (Mystery peeks out of the cupboard)

SpongeBob: No, Mystery, you can't come out yet. If old man Krabs sees you, I'll lose my job. (SpongeBob gives her a tray with a patty on it) I bet you're hungry. How about some lunch? (Mystery eats the patty and neighs) Shhh! Girl, you got to be quiet or...

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! (SpongeBob closes the cabinet quickly as Mr. Krabs comes bursting in) What was that? Is that horse in here?

SpongeBob: No, Mr. Krabs. I was just practicing my imitation of Mystery. Wheesnoff.

Mr. Krabs: Well, keep working on it! That was terrible! (walks out)

SpongeBob: That was close. (gets a tray with three patties) From now on, no more hijinks. Order up! (puts the tray on the window. Mystery eats it. Squidward walks up to the window)

Squidward: SpongeBob, where's my order?

SpongeBob: Did you look under the tray?

Squidward: No I didn't, sorry. (looks under the tray then sighs) SpongeBob, could you just get my order?

SpongeBob: They vanished. Squidward, do you think the Krusty Krab is haunted? What if they come for me next? I gotta get out of here! (runs to the door)

Squidward: SpongeBob, there's no ghosts!

SpongeBob: Oh.

Squidward: In case you've forgotten, here's how things work. I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food.(SpongeBob’s eyes move to the side of his face as he notices Mystery eating a customers food. Squidward is still

talking) We do that for forty years and then we die. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, what do you say? SpongeBob: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you Squidward. I'll be right back. (grabs Mystery and shoves her under a cupboard)

Squidward: What's that?

SpongeBob: Don't tell Mr. Krabs! I got it all under control! (closes the cupboard) Now then, you were saying?

Squidward: Just get my order. (walks out)

SpongeBob: You got it, Squidward? (chuckles) Ghosts. (Mystery eats SpongeBob’s hat) Mystery, you ate my hat! (Mystery burps out a spatula) Mystery, you ate my spatula! You ate all the Krabby Patties! You ate the stove! You ate Old Man Jenkins! (captions version You got it, Squidward? Ghosts! (crunching and chomping...) Mystery, you are my hat. (belching) Mystery, you ate my spatula, you are all the Krabby Patties, you ate the stove, you are Old Man Jankins.)

Old Man Jenkins: (from inside Mystery's belly) I don't want to be a burden. (captions version Jankins: (muffled) I don't want to be a burden)

Squidward: Folks, we have a minor situation going on in the kitchen. (captions version (customers yelling...) Folks, we have a minor situation going on in the kitchen. )

Thaddeus: Where's our food? (captions version Where's our food!)

Fred: I'm so hungry! (captions version I'm so hungry.)

Tina: This is my only lunch hour! (captions version This is my only lunch our.)

Tom: Where's Old Man Jenkins? (captions version Where's Old Man Jenkins?!)

Squidward: Take it easy, the food's no good here, anyway.

Mr. Krabs: Squidward, what's going on in here?

Squidward: Why don't you ask CowBob RanchPants and his faithful companion Sir Eats-A-Lot?

Mr. Krabs: (runs into the kitchen) SpongeBob, what's the meaning of all these nicknames? Davey H Jones! (SpongeBob is by Mystery's side, who has eaten too much)

SpongeBob: Mystery got a belly-ache from eating Krabby Patties, so I made her a bi-carbonated soda. (Mystery spits out Old Man Jenkins)

Old Man Jenkins: What did I miss? (Mr. Krabs rubs his eyes)

Mr. Krabs: So, my eyes are correct! You still gave that horse even when I ordered you to get rid of it! Well, now I'm going to get rid of it once and for all!

SpongeBob: No, Mr. Krabs! Don't make me give up Mystery! I know you think she's just a horse, but she's more than that, I tell you. She listens to me. She understands everything I say and I understand her! She's my best friend! (Mystery licks SpongeBob's cheek. Squidward cries but because of a bowl of onions near him)

Squidward: Hey, who left this bowl of onions here?

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, your story has touched me. Believe it or not, I know what it's like to give up a best friend.

SpongeBob: You do?

Mr. Krabs: I was five years old and me father gave me a dollar. I loved that dollar. Loved it like a brother. Me and that dollar went everywhere together.

SpongeBob: What happened to the dollar, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: And one day at the beach, it was so hot and I was so thirsty! I spent it on a soda! (cries) My best friend! (Squidward cries but from the bowl of onions again)

Squidward: What? Would you get out of here?

Mr. Krabs: The point is, sometimes you have to set things free even though it's hard. (points to Mystery) Look at her. She misses the great outdoors, the wide-open spaces, the rolling green pastures. The kitchen is no place for a live horse. (two customers spit out their patties)

SpongeBob: Alright, Mr. Krabs, I understand.

Peterson: (crying from the bowl of onions Squidward is holding under his nose) Hey! (captions version (Man crying) Hey!)

SpongeBob: Ok, girl, you're free to go. (takes Mystery outside and takes Mystery's leash off) I can't keep you anymore. (cries) I know it's hard for you to understand, but Mr. Krabs is right. You belong in the wild. (Mystery gallops away) Well, what are you waiting for? Can't you see I don't want you anymore? (Patrick walks up with the board on his head) Just get out of here, you stupid, dumb animal! (Patrick walks away as Mr. Krabs walks up to SpongeBob) Well, she's gone and I'll never see her again.

Mr. Krabs: It's ok, son. You did the proper thing. She's free now and we have no right to separate that wild animal from her natural habitat.

Squidward: Oh, Mr. Krabs, looks like old Mystery had an after-dinner salad! (vault of money opens to show dollar bills have been eaten and a bunch of money is missing)

Mr. Krabs: Get that horse!! (Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob run after Mystery. Scene cuts to Patrick, still with the board on his head, trying to enter a hat shop, but the board keeps bumping into the sides of the entrance)