The Good Guy Fluctuation


 * (Raj and Howard attempt to scare Sheldon, but he is unfazed.)
 * Sheldon: Please, fright depends on an element of surprise. The simple fact is, because I am much smarter than you, and able to anticipate your actions, it is highly unlikely that you two rubes could ever surprise me.
 * (Unnoticed by Sheldon, Leonard emerges from a closet wearing a mask of Balok from Star Trek.)
 * Raj: He’s probably right.
 * Howard: We can’t beat him. He’s just too smart.
 * Sheldon: (dismissively) Gentlemen. (Turns and sees Leonard in the Balok mask; then screams and faints.)
 * Howard: (as the trio survey an unconscious Sheldon) Who had money on faints?
 * Raj: (disappointingly) I had pee his pants.
 * Leonard: Hang on. (peers closely at Sheldon) Looks like everyone’s a winner.


 * Sheldon: You think you've poked fun at a milquetoast academic. Well, you've forgotten one thing. I am also a son of the Lone Star State. I’m Texas through and through. And we know how to settle scores down there. If you doubt me, ask Mexico.


 * Penny: It's a rough month when Halloween and hit at the same time.


 * Leonard: No, no, I messed up a little, you messed up a lot.
 * Priya: Well it's not a competition!
 * Leonard: Oh yeah it is, and you won.


 * Sheldon: Bazinga, punk! Now we're even.


 * Alice: I'm forbidden by my Kryptonian father to do so.


 * Sheldon: I tried to scare an Indian with a snake. Come on, Cooper, you're better than this!


 * Leonard: Damn it, I can’t. I can’t, I can’t do this.
 * Alice: Uh, is it my tongue stud? ‘Cause if that freaks you out; you’re in for a real surprise later on.
 * Leonard: No, no, no. I, I can’t do this. Believe me, I really want to.
 * Alice: But?
 * Leonard: But I kind of have a girlfriend.
 * Alice: Are you kidding?
 * Leonard: You’re cool with you and me just being friends, right?
 * Alice: I don’t believe this.
 * Leonard: Wait, I don’t, which part?
 * Alice: I’m so stupid. I thought for once I’d met a good guy, but you’re just another jackass.
 * Leonard: Oh, no, no, you have it wrong. No. I, I was going to be a jackass, but I stopped myself. I stayed a good guy, so, I’m gonna pass on the sex. But you should know, that’s not a comment on your hotness but on my goodness. That’s kind of my superpower. I’m, like, Captain Good Guy.


 * Leonard: It's okay. Did the right thing. You idiot!


 * Howard: Hey, Sheldon.
 * Bernadette (as Mrs. Wolowitz): (out of vision) who is it?
 * Sheldon: It’s me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz.
 * Howard: That’s not my mom, it’s Bernadette.
 * Sheldon: Really? That’s very unsettling.
 * Bernadette: Hi, Sheldon.
 * Sheldon: Hi.
 * Howard: What’s up?
 * Sheldon: It just occurred to me that I never formally congratulated you on your pending nuptials. So I hopped on the first bus and hightailed it down here to shake your hand. Put ‘er there, you old so-and-so.
 * Howard: Well, I, I’m gonna see you at work in 12 hours, don’t you think it could have waited until then?
 * Sheldon: Holy smoke, why didn’t I think of that? You’re a better man than I, Howard Wolowitz. You put ‘er there, you son of a gun!
 * Howard: Whatever. (Takes his hand. Starts to be electrocuted) My… oh… it’s… (Clutches heart and collapses)
 * Bernadette: Oh, my God, Howard! What did you do?
 * Sheldon: It was a harmless Halloween prank. Look.
 * Bernadette: Howard has a heart condition! You know that!
 * Sheldon: Well, I thought he made that up. Isn’t hypochondria a common idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
 * Bernadette: This is adrenaline, we’re gonna have to inject it into his heart.
 * Sheldon: We are?
 * Bernadette: You are. I’m not strong enough to get it through his chest plate, and we’ve only got one shot.
 * Sheldon: Oh, no! I can’t!
 * Bernadette: Hurry! We’re running out of time!
 * Sheldon: Okay.
 * Bernadette: Just do it!
 * Sheldon: Oh, God! One, two, three!
 * Howard: Trick or treat, bubbeleh.
 * Sheldon: What? No. You mean this was all a ruse? Oh, how could I be so stu… (puts hand to forehead. Electrocutes himself).