Tapping a Hero

It's alive! # I'm so happy 'cause I'm a Gummy Bear, Gummy Bear # Aaaaaaahh! Cock sucking mother fucking Aaaaaaaahhh! Oh, I guess there's only one way out of this. Mmm! Goodness, I taste delicious! That wasn't bad at all. Aaaaaaahhh! Gummy Bears for candy this delicious, you'll chew off your own leg! Aaaah! Aah! Aah! Aaah! Aah! Ehh Eeh Uh Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk. Bawk. Bawk. Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk! Bawk bawk, bawk bawk bawk. Bawk bawk ba-ba ba-gawk. Ba-gawk? Ba-ga bawk. Bawk? Bawk bawk ba-gawk bawk bawk? Bawk bawk bawk bawk. Bawk bawk ba-gawk? Bawk bawk ba ba Uh Bawk bawk ba-bawk! Bawk bawk ba-gawk? Ba-gawk, bawk bawk bawk. Bawk bawk ba-gawk ba ba bawk bawk ba bawk ba. Bawk. Bawk bawk bawk! Ba ba ba-gawk. Bawk ba bawk! Ba ba ba-gawk! Bawk bawk! Ba-ba-bag-gawk! Bawk ba-bawk! Bawk bawk ba-gawk! Ba bawk. Bawk ba-gawk ba-bawk Ba gawk! Bawk bawk! Ba-ba-bawk! Bawk! bawk! Ba ba bawk. Bawk bawk bawk ba ba! Ba ba bawk! Bawk bawk ba-gawk? Bawk bawk ba bawk. Bawk ba-ba ba-gawk. Bawk ba-gawk, ba-ba ba-gawk ba bawk, ba bawk ba-gawk bawk ba ba-gawk! Bawk ba bawk! Bawk. Bawk bawk ba-gawk. Bawk bawk ba-gawk Bawk ba-bawk?! Ba bawk ba-gawk ba-gawk Bawk ba-gawk! Ba bawk! Ba bawk! Bawk ba-gawk! Ba-bawk! Bawk bawk bawk! Bawk ba-gawk! Ba-gawk ba-gawk? Bawk bawk bawk, ba bawk ba-gawk. Bawk ba bawk, bawk bawk bawk ba-gawk. Bawk ba bawk bawk, bawk bawk ba-gawk. Bawk-bawk bawk bawk! Bawk! Bawk bawk bawk bawk! Ba-bawk ba-gawk! Bawk bawk bawk ba-gaaaaaaa! Ba-gawk Mr. President, please accept this gift on behalf of the Chinese people. Thanks, Ching-chong. There are very important instructions regarding its care and feeding. We once gave a Mogwai to American teenager, and the results were catastrophic. But surely the leader of the free Yeah, all right, then. Howdy, little critter! Some people call him a gremlin. Well, the name of this grumblin's gonna be Froot Loop. Ooh! Ha ha ha! I'm gonna get you! Ha ha ha! I'm gonna smoke you out. Don't tell nobody we're eating this. Hmm Who wants to step up to the "Qbert" table and have their furry butt kicked? Oh, sweet, baby Jesus how did this happen?! Ow! My heart! Ah, go get 'em, Cheney. Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aaah! Aw, dang it! Who says they get to have all the fun, right, Froot Loop? Yahoo! Uh Them grumblins did it. Oopsy! I lost! Take it off, Jenna, you stupid whore! Shut up! I wanted to lose anyway! Look at my boobs! But we're related. Identical! Hey, they're having a pants-off dance off. Come on, Froot Loop! Mr. President, it's armageddon! I love that movie. No! The world is doomed! It's a nuclear holocaust! So if I pissed on a spark plug, would it do any good? Oh, George, I'm so hungry. Oh, don't worry, honey. We'll just eat Froot Loop. Oh, Froot Loop, I'm just kidding. We'll eat Cheney. Help! I've fallen, and I can't get up! I said I've fallen Medicalert at your service! Oh, thank goodness. You see, I've fallen, and I can't get uh Mister? Sir? My things are what are you doi Over the years, J. C. Has lost a lot of girlfriends. You know, I think it's wrong for anybody to be stoned. What a downer. But there's one thing he never lost. Jesus Christ! Are you a virgin? Oh, you are hilarious. Who wants more of my blood? How can you go 33 years and not have sex? Dude, my dad is always watching. We got to help the man, highlight his attributes, get rid of that pelt on his chest. Ohh! Jim Caviezel! Let's hang on to that. You got to go somewhere where there's lots of girls. This summer comes a film that will touch you Hi, I'm Mary. I've got healing hands. Oh, yeah? So do I. like you've never been touched before. Ooh, looks like you're ready for a second coming. Toss a ball and put me to death. It's something that I want and something you want to do. Looking for somebody with a good arm to put me in the grave. Three balls just to put me in yeah, let the boy do it! No, no, no, no! Aw, damn it. What about you, sir? What about you, miss? So, remember, kids, be careful when using matches. Smokey? Yeah, kid? How did you get your name? Well Smokey, you always got the best weed! Hello, little paw. I see you. Hello-o-o. There you are! We finally got you, Smokey! Downer patrol. Don't take me now. I just put a turkey in the oven. Turkey what? You don't have any My baby! service! Only you can prevent forest fires. Got my name in better times, kid. Much better times. Greetings, heroes! Smilin' Stan Lee here along with Stripperella herself, the pulchritudinous pinup princess Pam Anderson! Get ready for the hottest superhero news and the sexiest superhero gossip. No one batted an eye when Captain America killed 10, 000 nazis with his bare hands. But now a little collateral damage has cap in hot water with the A. C. L. U. Investments! Ow! Ai! Oh! Aah! Ah ga ga goo! Wha?! Oh, all that pain and suffering. Pain and suffering? Try watching the movie "Catwoman. " Zing! Galactic Historian "The Watcher" was arrested Wednesday after his eyes bit off a check his butt couldn't cash. But I'm the watcher. I was just watching. You're a big-headed pervert! Say, Stan, have you heard of Paris Hilton? Say, Pam, ever hung from a ceiling fan while your partner sat on a paint mixer? The hard-partying celebutante has found love with the unlikeliest of partners, Superman's evil opposite, Bizarro. Bizarro hate Paris! Hate her very little! Oh, isn't he the cutest? Paris crotch smell very sweet! Paris vagina very tight! What? In other news, me not want bury face in Pam's funbags! Uh he's off-card again. Should I after a long career of abject failure as the Justice League's most impotent member, Aquaman finally has a new career. Oh, no! I've trapped my foot in some seaweed! Help me, my aquatic comrades! Now! As a whaling industry consultant, Aquaman's new job nets him a six-figure income, full benefits, and all the whale he can eat. And now a word from our super sponsors. Oh, I'm so embarrassed. I want a divorce. Did somebody say flaccid? Hourman! I was just plain old Rex Tyler until I discovered a pill that gave me superhuman abilities for one full hour. Now, thanks to Rigidol, you can punch out erectile dysfunction and become an Hourman just like me! Whoa! Oh, God! You're my Hourman, baby! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, baby! Merciful heavens! Oh, baby, that's it! Oh! Oh! Ohh! If you become Four-hour man, see a doctor. What's the latest superhero gossip? I ask the questions here, Boobinator. So, what's the latest superhero gossip? Paparazzi nabbed Spider-man emerging from the home of Miss May Parker, age 77. Is it a "May"- December romance? A marriage of convenience? One spidey supervillain had a different take. Take that, Spider-man! And that! I told you, I'm not that horrible Spider-man! I'm a widow on fixed income! I read the tabloids, Spider-man! I know who you are! "Oh! Ho ho ho! My poor old broken hip!" "Ha ha ha! I'll get you now!" "Okay, show's over. Now let me show you my kung-fu grope. " "Get off me, you creepy comic-book guy!" Stan, honey, dinner's getting cold! Zounds! I'm caught! But they'll never take me alive. Excelsior! Stan! # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # Ba-gawk! Bawk. Stan, who is The Watcher? The Watcher sits on the moon and watches things, just like the Punisher punishes things, and the Shocker Moving on!