Bob Day Afternoon

Linda: So, Bobby, what are we gonna say to the bank manager tomorrow? If we don't get those loans restructured, we're up a creek. Screwed Creek. Don't worry, Lin. I got it all worked out. Very convincing stuff. Let's hear it. All right. Action! (clears throat) As you know, sir, we have several loans with your institution, all "past due." But what does "past due" even mean, you know? It's brilliant! There's no such thing as time. Gene was past due and he came out fine. I wish I stayed in there! Hey. Get out of there. Gene! Let me in! Let me back in! Gene! Bob! Oh, God. This is your son. Sorry, Gene. No backsies. You can't put the candy back in mom's wrapper. You know, I have a savings account at First Oceanside. So I might have some pull over there. Thanks, Teen, but I think I got this covered. No. Look, I know we owe money and my credit score's on the low side, but... It is the low side, Bob. It's kind of an inside joke around here. Hmm. (laughs): That's funny-- but I would still like you to look at the loan. No. Well, it's really important that... Bob, I have to take this call. That's... not a phone. Well I... I still have to take it. Great. Well, then I will, leave you your piece of paper phone call. I just wish that you... nope. You know what, forget it! Um... I'm gonna leave. Hey, thanks, man. Whoa! Get a car, idiot! Gonna check on my money. The bank manager didn't go for it. (sirens blaring) And he was mean. My God, Bobby, what'd you do? Nothing. I just punched a cardboard cutout guy. I didn't even punch it, I just flicked it. Oh, Bobby. Man, I got to do this stupid essay for English class on "someone important to me." I'd write about the guy who flies the helicopter on The Bachelor. Look at all those police! This is a good time for me to be stuck in that tree again. Linda: Kids! Get in here! Gene: Channel six news. They'll finger anything with a pulse. I'm pretty sure their slogan is, their "finger's on the pulse," Gene. No! That can't be right. It's right. Linda: Ooh, SWAT team's here. Intense. That guy's important. You can tell by the way he points. (muffled shouting) He' s fingering right at us! Bosco: Tell those guys to get behind the barricade, now! There's a hostage situation at the bank. We need this restaurant. (whispers): This is, um, interesting. The restaurant will get on TV. I know. I was just thinking the same thing. That's a lot of coffee's going out. Write it all down, all the coffees, we got to keep track. Officer (on radio): Snipers are in position on the roof. Oh, God, that's embarrassing. Our gutters are a mess. Hello. My name's Louise. I would like to donate a piece of my personal chalk in case you need to outline a body. Is my money safe in that bank? What are these kids doing here! U-Uh, they're our kids. They, uh, work-slash-live here. Well, keep them out of the way. You got me? Do I have a hard line yet? Line's up. (heavy breathing) Who's breathing on my line?! All I know is I was just talking to Ken, and now I'm on hold at the bank. Hey! Everyone shhhh! God, we're making the call. Shut up. This is Sergeant Bosco, and I'm in charge. Uh, who am I speaking with? All right, Mickey, how many people you got in there? Eight. Okay, Mickey, this is what we're gonna do: You... Uh-huh. He wants pizza. Oh, come on. They always want pizza. Isn't there an ltalian place across the street? Jimmy Pesto's? Heard that place was pretty good. Get six pizzas over there quick. No. That could've been huge for us. I hope this standoff ends... pizza-fully. (laughs) Pepper-ono-he-didn't! Ugh, you believe this? Pesto is getting the free advertising we were supposed to get. (mechanical whirring) How does, uh... one get into robot driving? (gasps) Did you go to robot college?! Come on, give me your keys, Seth. (slurring): I'm fine. I only have to drive .37 miles. We're in college, dude. Chillax. (retching) (panting) Are you sure you guys are naked?! Totally. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.... (Gasps) Oh! Ugh. I was just performing routine maintenance. Doesn't anyone knock around here? Jeez. There's no such thing as robot college. Not yet! (gunfire) Officer: Shots fired! Shots fired! (gasps) Finally, some gun play. Down in front! Thank you. That was the worst pizza I ever had! Jimmy Pesto's is crap! (laughing): Yes! (groans) Ouch. Yeah. I'm sorry about the pizzas. Um, what do you want instead? Chinese? Burgers. Mexican? This is a burger place. Louise: What about Hot Pockets? Burgers are right here. Or nonfat frozen yogurt. We're in a restaurant. It's my restaurant. Ooh! How about some sort of a Malaysian cuisine? Burgers. How about, uh... burgers? Okay, burgers it is. Thank you. Uh, fries, do they want fries? All right, Mickey, listen up. You want fries? Yeah, he wants fries-- and a what? And a what? Here, you take the order! Oh, okay. Uh, Hi. Hi. So, uh... b-burgers. How about cheese? How many we doing with cheese? All right, who wants cheese? Huh, everyone. God, what do I want? Man (whispers): I don't want cheese. Woman (whispers): Just scrape it off. Um... be-be-bo, be-be-booo. What does Mickey want? Wh-What's your favorite? Well, the burger of the day is, the, uh, "Chard to a Crisp" burger. What the hell is that? Oh, it's, uh... uh, burger with Swiss chard on it. I was just having fun with it. Look at you, Mr. Creative. No... a little bit. What was your name again? Uh, Bob. Bob! What if you brought the burgers over yourself? Uh... (whispers): Say yes. Say yes, Bob. Say it. (whispers): Please, I can't do that. O-Okay. Mickey: (laughs) Okay, Bob's in. Who needs these scumbag cops, right? (nervous laugh): Scum... Right? Yeah. The cops are really... Scumbags! Yeah. Well, no. You can say it. Scrunched up faces and their stupid arms... I'm gonna start on those burgers, okay? Why do I need to wear this? 'Cause you might get popped. I'm ready to be the man of this family. I'm ready to call you dad, Gene. No one's calling Gene Dad. GeneDad! Time to go. Let's move. Remember, Bob, he's hot, you stay cool. Hot. Cool. What are you?! Um, th-the guy with the hamburgers. No, no, no. What are you, hot or cool? Cool... oh, cool. You're ready. Okay. Come here, come here, come here. Come back safe, Bobby.All right? Let's go, Bob. I love you, Father! I know. Bob, let's go. (kissing) Hold on one second... Bob. Yep. Dad, if you die, I'll have to write rort on GeneDad. Timing is everything here, Bob. Let's go. No, if you die, I'll write my report on you. Okay, enough, Bob. I'm coming. I just gotta finish up here. Let's go now! Well, my family's saying good-bye. This is a precision operation. Dad, don't go! Don't go! I've changed my mind! Don't go, I love you! Gene, you gotta let go of my arm. Dad, I love you. Please don't go! Please don't go! Oh, my God! Get off. I love you so much. I' be right there, I've just got to wrap this up. Shake 'em loose, Bob! Let's Go! I'm trying! They're not letting me go! I have too many unanswered questions! What is s*x?! Gene, just let go! I don't know what s*x is! I said, I'm coming! Bob! Come back safe, Bobby. Don't leave me with these friggin' kids. (sighs) Okay, I'm going. Oh, crap. We don't have the logos on our bags. That's what's gonna be on camera. I'm on it. Why'd you draw at? It's not a rocket. It's a fish. Okay. Why would you draw a fish? It's easy to draw. So is a hamburger, or my name. Looks like a Jesus fish. Preachy. Let's go. Now. Move it. It looks like a huge, misshapen pen1s. It's Bob's Burgers. It's supposed to be a fish, not a rocket, or a pen1s. It's a pen1s. (sighs) (sighing): Oh, boy. Bob: Oh...God. Bob (groaning): Oh... no. Bob: Oh, boy. Bob: Oh, my God. Bob? Yeah. Hey, you are Bob. You are definitely not a cop. Okay? Uh... thanks? Here are your burgers. Hey, w-what are they saying about me out there? Uh, that you'd be, um, hot. Hot? Like Vin Diesel hot? N-No, like hot-tempered. Like a hot guy with a bad temper... So, here's the burgers. (two gunshots) (screams) Bobby! How did you miss that?! Swat Sniper: Fatty got in the way. Uh, it's a code name we gave to Bob. You screwed up big-time shooting at me! Maybe I'll shoot a hostage! Go ahead! Do it, big man! Shoot a hostage! You shoot a hostage. Maybe I will! What is going on here?! You guys are trigger happy. No, we're not! (gunshot, screams, gasps) Are, too! What is wrong with you people? Stop this! Who is this? It's Bob. It's fatty. Look, Bob, we're gonna get everyone out of there safely, okay? I don't believe you! That was not on my orders. Someone just got a little hot. He's hot. We're cool. Remember? We're cool. We just shoot sometimes. Okay, this is ridiculous. I'm coming outside now. Do not shoot me! Whoa, whoa, whoa. If I let you go now, then everyone will want to leave. And it's a big domino effect thing. Bob's a hostage now. No. W-Wait, no. Hey, man, it's a really great group. Will you... close those blinds? Maybe we should pass those burgers around. My blood sugar is low. I dropped them. Hostages: What?! I was getting shot at. Speedo Guy: Drive through! That was gonna be my red meat for the week. What am I gonna do for protein? I've got a protein bar in my pocket. You can fish it out. (groans) I am so glad you joined the group, Bob. Oh, shut up, Frond. You guys know each other? What a coinky-dink. He works at my kids' school. We've had our... We hate each other. What? Oh, this is gonna be fun, you guys. He's taken Bob as a hostage. What?! This crazy! Yeah. Crazy good for my essay. Hello? Hello. You're on with Bob's youngest child, Louise. It's your daughter? Oh! They work with me at the restaurant. (sighs) Adorable. Yeah. Oh, no. You're such a good father. It's more about not paying regular--whatever. You want to talk to your Daddy? No. I want to talk to you. You have been selected as the subject of my important person school essay. Shut up. (laughs) Oh, don't tell me to shut up! Question one... What... It's my Daddy! Ah! How did you first get into bank robbing? Pfft. Me and a buddy of mine, we just kind of fell into it. You know, I had a gun, I needed some money. All right, kiddo, we've had our fun now. Hand over the... It's my daddy! My daddy's in there! Yeah! Okay! So just a couple more questions. I know you're a busy guy. Give me the phone. Give me that phone back. Give it to me. You are being so rude right now. Ow! Ouch! Serves you right, kid. Listen to me, Mickey. We need to talk now. No, no, no. You know what, I don't want to talk to you, I want to talk to the little girl. Negative. You'll talk with me.