Match It Up

1 - You know Eddie Goiden? - Yeah. I think he'll be perfect for you. He's four-foot tall and covered in a fine layer of hair. He is cute. He's a lemur. Come on, I could find someone really good for you. Let me know when you find someone that doesn't have to comb their feet. What's up, chicas. You need tickets to the White Socks or actual white socks? Hey, Deuce, tell Rocky who the best matchmaker is, and just so there's no confusion, the answer is me. It's true. CeCe's bad at a lot of things I mean, a lot of things But she's a freaky good matchmaker. I mean, she set me up with Savannah. We're perfect for each other. Hey. Hey. Hey, Savannah, I was just talking about you. That is so crazy. I was just coming to talk to you. Ah, here we go, the CeCe fix-up magic at work. I should record this for their wedding video. Ah, the dopey looks, the romantic talk, the lovey-dovey words. I'm breaking up with you. And that's a cut. What did I do? Oh, it's not you. It's me. Well, actually it's me and this guy Gary Schwartz I met at the mall. Ooh, ooh, he was my second choice for you. Yeah. Hey. What does he have that I don't have? $7,000 in bar mitzvah money. Oy vey. How can I compete with that? Savannah, wait! Don't leave me! Wow, what matchmaker looks pretty stupid now, and just so there's no confusion, the answer is you. Bling bling ♪ Bling bling ♪ Bling bling ♪ Bling bling ♪ They say you got stat ♪ Lots of dough, lots of fat ♪ You got your choice rollin' up in that Royce ♪ And, yeah, you like hot things ♪ High-roller, big king ♪ Ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching ♪ Ka-ching ♪ I could complete you ♪ Show you something brand new ♪ I'm 50-50 ♪ ♪o other like me ♪ Gotta give me your love ♪ Gotta gimme some gimme some of that bling bling ♪ Better step it up, better make a pop drop ♪ A girl, another dream, dream ♪ Gimme what I want, ♪ give it give it to me, gimme ♪ Gimme some of that bling bling ♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme ♪ Gimme, gimme some of that bling bling ♪ Show me ♪ Bling ♪ Gimme some ♪ Gotta get bling ♪ Gotta make it right ♪ Gimme some ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ Bling, bling ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ Better step it up, better make it, pop pop ♪ ♪ Everybody, everybody ♪ Get out on the floor ♪ It can get a little crazy ♪ When the kick hits the floor ♪ Make a scene, make a scene ♪ Nobody can ignore ♪ Don't knock it till you rock it ♪ We can't take it no more ♪ Bring the lights up ♪ Bust the doors down ♪ Dust yourself off ♪ Shake it up, shake it up ♪ DJ, set it off ♪ Take it up a notch ♪ All together now ♪ Shake it up, shake it up ♪ Sh-sh-sh-shake it up ♪ You gotta change it up ♪ And when you've had enough ♪ Sh-sh-sh-shake it up ♪ Bring the lights up ♪ Bust the doors down ♪ All together now ♪ Shake it up, shake it up ♪ ♪ Shake it up ♪ Yo, Ty, you seeing anyone right now? I'm seeing everyone right now. It's okay. You don't have to beg. I'll help you find someone. Oh, no, no, I don't need your help. I attract more women than a Labrador puppy. I have more chicks than a poultry ranch. I got so many girls around me, myickname is Shoe Sale. CeCe, Ty's already found his true love In the mirror. Hey, Deuce. Hey, Deuce. Hey, Deuce. Hey, Deuce! Ow. Hands off my cans. You're messing with my chance to win this radio contest. When they play "Can't Buy Me Love" and you're the 15th caller, you get a chance to win $10,000 in the Windy City Cash Tornado. $10,000? Smack my face with a Kansas City Pickle. Yep. You climb inside this giant plastic ball and cash gets blown all around, and you've got 60 seconds to grab as much as you can. Whoa, how cool would that be if you actually won? Regular people like us never win stuff. Uh, I won a goldfish at the state fair. Where is it now? Um, somewhere between my toilet and the Atlantic Ocean. "Can't Buy Me Love. " They're playing "Can't Buy Me Love. " I've got to be the 15th caller. Poor Deuce. He's so upset over Savannah, and now he's obsessing over something stupid instead of dealing with his feelings. Yeah, I believe the psychological term for that is being a guy. Well, what Deuce needs is a good cry and to admit he's sad, lonely, and scared. He'll never get out of this terrible depression. This is awesome! I did it! I was caller 15. I'm going to be in the Windy City Cash Tornado. There, there. There, there. I got it, Mom! Hello, over-educated, socially awkward fussbudget. Greetings, semi-illiterate playmate who surprised me with his use of the term "fussbudget. " I knew you were coming by, so I looked it up in that word book you gave me. The dictionary? Sure, if you want to use technical terms. You look bummed out. My father won't allow me to travel to Yale to attend a seminar on the new advances in cold fusion semi colliders. The fiend! Mock me now, but when I invent time travel, I'm going to come back and slap you. Anyway, my father will only let me attend if I earn my camping badge from the Coyote Rangers. I'm a Coyote Ranger. What level? Condor. What level are you? Clam. A clam? Henry, you're hysterical. Oh, wait. You were serious. So you see my conundrum. I don't know what a conundrum is, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to see yours. Thank you. What is going on? My reputation as a matchmaker's on the line, so I'm interviewing different girls for Deuce. It's my new matchmaking service. CeCe's Single No More! CeCe, you're single. By choice. Mama only eats after all her children get fed. Next! Hmm, you know who you'd be perfect for? My friend Deuce. He loves tall girls. You're the top of the list. Next! Hmm, you know who you'd be perfect for? My friend Deuce. He loves short girls. You're at the top of the list. Next! Hmm, you know who you'd be perfect for? My friend Deuce. He loves Girls who hate Deuce. You're at the top of the list. CeCe, if you're going to do this, at least find someone who's going to be compatible with him. Compatible? That could take all day. I'm going for desperate. Ooh, look, this girl's perfect for Deuce. She loves house music, comes from a big family, she's scared of ducks, and only uses electronics that fall off the back of a truck. What's up, chicas? Looking for tickets to the Bears or actual bears? It'll never work. So we'll just introduce you to Deuce, see if you two hit it off, no pressure. Mm, no, she's new to the matchmaking business. Here's how it'll go down. Deuce will spot you, realize you're perfect for him, you'll go to the prom together, get married, and stand by him no matter what dead-end job he has. Are you kidding me? He's a con man. He'll always work. Hey, Deuce. Hey, check it out. I'm practicing my cash-grabbing technique for the Tornado. It's, um Less windy in the ball. Really, the Tornado ball? So Deuce, do you know Dina? Hey, how you doing? How you doin'? Nice headphones. Yeah, I got them from a guy named Benny. You know Benny? Are you kidding me? My Uncle represented him. My Uncle prosecuted him. Small world. Aw, see, CeCe, this is an actual setup. I mean, they're clearly perfect for each other. Here's your muffin, Muffin. What is she doing here? Good news. Deuce and I are back together. Awkward. Let me hear your Coyote howl. Ow-oooh. You call that a Coyote howl? This is a Coyote howl. Ow-ow-oohhhhhh! Try it again. Ow-oooh. Again. Ow-ooh Ow! Ooh! There you go. Moving on to ghost stories, or what I like to call Scaring the pee out of your campmates. Oh, I know a great ghost story. Really? Okay. Feel free to have to make me change my pants. Many years ago, a young couple moved into an old house and said there were ghosts, but then scientists proved that they were lying! Okay, Henry, word of advice Keep one eye on the bus at all times because, trust me, they're going to try to leave without you. I don't like her. She's great. She's everything Deuce wants in a girl. Like what? She's a girl. Who just dumped him. Why is she back together with him all of a sudden? Rocky, what's the big deal? Couples break up and get back together all the time. Yeah, but nobody ever goes back to Deuce. It's like when you escape a bear trap. You don't just jam your foot back in. I think she's a gold digger. You think she picks her nose? No, CeCe, a gold digger is a person who only likes someone for their money. But Deuce doesn't have any money. No, but he does have a turn in the Cash Tornado. That nose picker. Gold digger. I bet she's both. CeCe, what are we going to do? We have to help Deuce. Well, look who's the busy business minder. I don't know about you, but I try not to get involved in other people's love life. I wonder how far I could drop kick you right now. Shake it up ♪ Okay, if you want to grab the most money possible, you have to be focused, calm, and relaxed. I'm ready, coach. Come on, kid! Get it! Get it all in the Cash Tornado! Amateur! You got a lock on this! Stuff the money! Stuff some money in that shirt, little girl! You make me sick! What did you get? About $17. And some really hurt feelings. Feelings? I'm trying to turn you into a ruthless money grabber, and you're talking feelings? I cannot coach a crybaby. Deuce, Ty's right. You need to focus, get rid of all distractions. Maybe you should break up with Savannah. Why would I do that? Because you've never broken up with anyone, and now would be your one and only chance. And I can help you through it with my new service CeCe's Couples No More! But Savannah and I are happy together. Trust me, Deuce, she's not the right girl for you, but I know someone who'd be perfect for you, someone you already know, someone you have lots in common with. Oh, I get it now. Oh, good. I was hoping I wouldn't have to spell it out for you. I can't believe it. CeCe, you totally dig me. I what? She what? I what? Look, there's no easy way to say this. I'm just not into you that way. I mean, we're friends, but just friends. Oh, no, Deuce Deuce I'm sorry, but that's the way it has to be. I'll see you later, amiga, and F-Y-I That means friend. Wow, if you wanted him for yourself, you should've just said so. WADX that's the station that literally pays you to listen Is live at the Atrium Mall for Windy City Cash Tornado! Listener Cathy Crane is in the Tornado grabbing as much green as she can, chasing that cabbage and bagging them Benjamins. Four! Three! Two! One! CeCe, will you focus? I'm telling you, my plan's going to work. The way to get rid of a gold digger is to introduce her to someone with more gold. What is it that is turning Deuce off? I bet it's my red hair. Do you think it makes me look too smart? Um, I don't think anyone thinks that. Okay, Cathy Crane, you just won $336. Next up to tame the Tornado after the commercial break is Deuce Martinez. Yeah. Go get 'em, Deuce. Grab all the money you can. Then we'll grab that new purse I like, afterwards. It's show time. Psst. CeCe, look, it's Stevie Fishburne. You're right. What is he doing here? Who is Stevie Fishburne? What a geek. Who is Stevie Fishburne? Only the youngest Internet billionaire in the world. Internet billionaire? Ooh, he is suddenly really cute. Excuse me, ladies. But what about Deuce? Let me know if he grabs a billion dollars out of that ball. Dude, this is Camping 101. If you can't do this, they're going to laugh you off the camping trip. They're already going to laugh me off the camping trip. From the top. Big blue blobs ♪ Of briny, slimy blubber butts ♪ Contaminated crummy junk ♪ Kinda of yucky mucky gunk ♪ Barbecued earwax ♪ Sautéed in a booger sauce ♪ All in a burrito ♪ Would you like some chips? ♪. Nice touch. If you pull that one out on the bus, you just might make it through this weekend with a minimum number of wedgies. What's a wedgie? Oh, now, here's a lesson I'm dying to teach. Sixty seconds on the clock. Go. Hi, I'm Savannah. I'm Stevie. I'm not used to talking to girls. Yeah, right. That's not true. You must have billions. Of girls. So what are you doing here today? Oh, well, my jet had to stop to get refueled so I thought I'd buy some socks And a sneaker store. Sorry, I had Taffy earlier. Oh. Oh, look, your glasses are smudged. Let me get that for you. Oh, me. Oh, my. Wow, she is so good. Yeah, no wonder why Deuce likes her better than me. I like her better than me. Your cologne is hot. It's actually anti-static spray for my computer screen. I'll tell you what it isn't Anti-Savannah spray. Hey! What are you doing? That's my girl! Whoa Deuce on the loose! Deuce on the loose! Deuce, stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Ty, what's your problem? She's my girlfriend! Who's Ty? This is Stevie Fishburne, Internet billionaire. Actually, that's my brother Ty. Your brother Ty, the Internet billionaire? Actually I'm a twenty-five "dollarnaire. " Twenty-two if they don't validate parking. You peoplere all crazy. Savannah, wait! No-No, Deuce! Deuce! Deuce, she isn't worth it. I mean, she only got back together with you for e money. Yeah, she's a gold finger. Digger. No, I don't dig her. She's a user. So she was only with me because she thought I was going to win money? Man, that would be painful even if the air wasn't running out in here. You know what? She wasn't the right girl for you, but we'll find you a new one. Do me a favor? Stay out of my love life. Sorry, can't do that. Hey, Dina, catch. How you doin'? How you doin'? You remind me of a hamster I once had. What happened to it? He rolled out onto the yard, met a mouse, and they are currently raising a beautiful family. Aw Let's get you out of there and go get some pizza. Uh, I've got to warn you, I don't have any money. That's all right. My dad owns this mall. Do you by any chance have a brother? Get out of here! Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah. Wuh. Okay, Henry, you're almost packed for your camping trip, but you need this extra canteen because the cool kids are going to spit in your other one. Henry, hat did I tell you about bringing your "Organic Chemistry" book? You said to pack everything I needed to survive. All right, let's go. I think my mattress got cracked. Henry? Yes? Let's just go on the Internet and buy you a badge. Oh, perfect. I have a laptop in my backpack. I give up. Flynn! Flynn! Sh-Sh-Sh-Shake it up ♪ Shake it up ♪