Insane Clown Poppy

This watermelon won't know what hit it. I love our Tuesdays together, Dad. [Homer and Bart Laughing] Don't you two have a list of chores to do? Hey, we just took care of that dangerous melon that was threatening our garden. Yeah. We're heroes. But where's our parade? [Groans] All right. "Open stuck drawer." All righty. [Grunts] It's hopeless. Or is it? Yeah, it's hopeless. I said, "Or is it?" I said, "It-" Oh. [Chuckles] Homer, what are you doing? Listen, do you want the job done right or do you want it done fast? Well, like all Americans, fast. But- Clear! Hmm. Well, you can't argue with results. Oh, baby. [Chuckles] [Whimpers] Oh, don't worry. You'll be sleeping in this beautiful new doghouse. Target date: January 2007. [Groans] [Whimpering] And now, the grand finale. "Get Lisa's jammed tape out of VCR." Whoops. Wait a minute. There. Fire in the hole! Hmm. It's gonna take a lot of fireworks to clean this place up. [Gasps] What's going on here? Uh, honey, there's a point in every father's life... when he blows up his daughter's room. Oh, yeah? You didn't blow up Maggie's room. [Explosion] Oh, Lisa. This must be a rough time for you. Do you have any friends or family you can stay with? You've ruined all my stuff. Oh, come on. Tell us how we can make it up to you. Hey, pretend it's your birthday! It is my birthday! That's the spirit. Now what do you want to do? Well, the book festival starts today- Anything at all. You name it. What do you want to do? Homer: Stupid Lisa. Hear ye! Hear ye! One dollar off on all poetry books! All right! [Chattering] Their hands were everywhere. [Reverend Lovejoy] Hello, Simpsons. Care to try a sample from my new cookbook- Someone's in the Kitchen with Jesus. Mmm! These stigmuffins are to die for. Oh, if you like that, you should try Mary Magdalene's Chocolate Orgasm. Ooh, okay. Mmm! [Grunts] So, Mr. King, what tale of horror and the macabre are you working on now? Oh, I don't feel like writing horror right now. Oh, that's too bad. I'm working on a biography of Benjamin Franklin. He's a fascinating man. He discovered electricity and used it to torture small animals and green mountain men. And that key he tied to the end of a kite? It opened the gates of hell! Well, let me know when you get back to horror. Will do. Hey, with my lnfo Cram 6000... you can absorb books instantly by attaching this electrode to the brainpan... and this one to the... loins! Tolstoy... searing... brain- With my diet, you can eat all you want anytime you want. And you lose weight? Uh, you might. It's a free country. Finally, books for today's busy idiot. Network Programming for Dummies. Christianity for Dummies. Mo- Moby Dick? "Call me lshmael, dummy." How did you write all these books? Duh, I don't know. Me gotta go to bank now. Look, Maggie, Christopher Walken's reading Goodnight Moon. "Good night, room. Good night, moon. Good night, cow jumping over the moon." [Whimpering] Please, children, scooch closer. Don't make me tell you again about the scooching. You in the red, chop-chop. Hmm. [Laughs] Eh. All right, does anyone have a question for our panel... that's not about how much money they make? Uh, yeah. I'm a techno-thriller junkie, and I'd like to know... is the B-2 bomber more detectable when it rains? Oh. What do you think, Tom Clancy? Well, the B-2- No, no, no. I was asking Maya Angelou. The ebony fighter awakens dappled with the dewy beads of morn. Maya Angelou is black? It is a Mach-five child... forever bound to suckle from the shriveled breast of Congress. Oh, Maya, you're a national treasure. Ms. Tan, I loved The Joy Luck Club. It really showed me how the mother-daughter bond can triumph over adversity. No. That's not what I meant at all. You couldn't have gotten it more wrong. But- Please, just sit down. I'm embarrassed for both of us. Mmm. [Gasps] Ew. [Chuckles] Book writing, what a scam, huh? It's only 20 pages long, and this guy wrote it for me. What's your name again? John Updike. Whoa, whoa. I didn't ask for your life story. So you really know Krusty? What's he like? Oh, he's wonderful. He would do anything for his fans. Krusty: Hurry up, kid. Name? Hey, it's me, Bart. Your biggest fan. Hey, good for you, 'cause I wanna... uh, know that all my fans are, you know- "K the C"? Hey, this pen's gotta last me all day! Now if you could bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, yeah. Name? My name is Sophie. Hey, good luck with that. I'm your daughter. What? I finally found my daddy. Ohh! I think I just "seltzered" myself. [Laughs] Shut up, Updike! Listen, honey, a lot of kids think of me as their daddy. But I'm just a simple TV legend. Here, have a key chain. No. I'm sure you're my father. You met my mom during the Gulf War. Ohh. Was your mother an lsraeli flight attendant? No. Cokie Roberts? No, she was a soldier. Chestnut brown hair, kind of shy, 32 confirmed kills- Oh! Oh, boy. Now it's coming back to me. [Applauding] [Rimshot] Saddam Hussein? They should call him "So-Damn-Insane!" Hey! You're just fanning the flames of hatred! Yeah, yeah, yeah. [Chuckles] Now just when you thought the desert couldn't get any hotter... it's the Cincinnati Bengals cheerleaders! Hey, I can't look at that! I have a girlfriend back home! This is an insult to our Muslim hosts! [Krusty Narrating] During the show, a desert wind kicked up. I sought shelter in a nearby tent. Huh? Ohh. There was your mother looking like a beautiful mirage. Maybe it was the anthrax in the air. Maybe it was the fact the Arab women weren't bitin'. Whatever it was, it was magic. We slept late into the morning. And then suddenly- Oh my God! I'm late for my mission! Here's your mission. Get down with the clown. Oh, come on, baby. No, not now! I'm supposed to be assassinating Saddam!