The Bro Mitzvah


 * [ Ralph Macchio enters Barney's apartment.]
 * Ralph Macchio: Hey Barney, it's Ralph. Listen, it's my pleasure to-
 * Barney: NOO!! I hate Ralph Macchio! I hate him, hate him, hate him! He is NOT the Karate Kid! The Karate Kid was William Zabka, star pupil of the Cobra Kai dojo, whom this monster defeated with a cheap, illegal head kick, in the most hauntingly tragic film ending of all time.
 * Ralph Macchio: [To Lily] Oh, I thought you meant "fun" crazy.


 * [Robin has confronted Barney on bailing over dinner with his mom]
 * Robin: I just tore your mom away from a living version of a Nick Nolte mugshot and put her in a cab home. Thank you for abandoning me on what has been one of the worst nights of my life.
 * Quinn: [approaches Barney] So it's my usual fee, plus I always charge an extra hundred for girl-on-clown action.
 * Robin: What the hell is she doing here?
 * Barney: Robin I swear, nothing happened.
 * Ralph Macchio: That means it's just hand stuff.
 * Barney: [tries to break up Robin and Quinn] Stop, stop, stop!
 * Robin: Sorry. Barney, this is unforgivable. [takes off and throws ring back at him] It's over. [leaves]
 * Quinn: [picks up ring] You know, I never got to do that. [throws ring at him and leaves]