The Savage Spider-Man

3x08 - "The Savage Spider-Man" [screeching] Whoa. I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. But this? This is really not my neighborhood. I'm in the savage land, a lost jungle that time forgot, looking for a new hero to recruit. And when I need help finding someone, I bring the best tracker. [growls] [Spider-Man] Wolverine. The very best at what he does. And what he does isn't very nice. [growls] Though sometimes he's nice to me. Sometimes. We've only been here for five minutes, and the whole situation has gone completely "howard the duck" on us. What have you got against the savage land? Well, for starters [roars] It's full of spider-eating dinosaurs. Watch the chompers, snaggletooth. Ugh. There's a clearing up ahead. We'll take 'em down in the open. I don't know if ditching me is the best plan, but if you really think this is gonna work [screams] [grunting] Hey. What do ya know? It's like a web. [grunting] Irony. [T-Rex growling] [Wolverine] Kid? What's the holdup? Just stopped to feed the animals. [grunting] Too slow. I don't know if I should be trash-talkin' a dinosaur, but I don't care. You slow. I'm kidding. Sorry. I'm sorry. Why didn't I try that before? Oh. Right. [screaming] [grunting] Personal space? [growls] What is that supposed to do? Oh. I get it now. Hate this place so much. And where am I again? The savage land. Deep in the heart of Antarctica, hidden from man is a primordial world. Fierce dinosaurs. Exploding volcanoes. Venomous plants. If it's dangerous, it's here. [shouts] [growls] Oh. I get it. The city boy is out of his element. Savage land ain't so bad once you get used to it. I don't wanna get used to it. I wanna get out of here. The sooner we find who we're looking for, the sooner we can ditch this salad of death. You're distracted. We need to stay on mission. Meet Kevin Plunder. Better known as Ka-Zar. Intel's kind of sketchy, but he's supposedly the resident wild man hero. Could make a great addition to our new warriors. Your mutant-powered nose picking up a scent? No. Not yet. By the way, Watch out for the blood-sucking bugs. Ew. Yuck. - Missed a spot. [buzzing] - Huh? [Spider-Man screams] Stupid jungle makin' me sweat. Tryin' to eat me alive. No use hiding. I can smell you. [growls] You're one to talk about smelling. Spidey sense! [grunting] Put down your toys. Ka-Zar. Wait. We're not here to fight you. We're here to talk. [growls] Not much for conversation, huh? [grunting] Never seen a move like that before. We're on his turf. He's got home-field advantage. [grunting] Whoa. Hey. Time out. Whoa. Okay. Let's try to avoid making "Spidey kabobs. " See? This is why teachers say don't run with scissors. Let's just put the pointy things away, and chill out for a sec. I'm Spider-Man. This is Wolverine. [scoffs] Outsiders. Give back my brother. Slow down, Ka-Zar. Your brother? My brother, Zabu, was taken by two strangers. Wasn't us, bub. [sniffing] You smell of truth. Not Zabu. Now how you know my name? SHIELD sent us. We're the good guys. [growls] Probably seen their big airship thing. Anyway, I'm assembling a team of new warriors for 'em. - And you, my friend - I have never left savage land. And I never will. My home is here. With Zabu. Hey. Then let us help you find your brother. I knew you not Zabu's abductors. They would not get blood-sucker bugs on them. Wait. What? [Spider-Man screams] [grunting] [sniffing] Caught a whiff of something. Or someone. We're getting closer. You're good at this. Your parents gym teachers or something? I only know savage land as home. Zabu, my brother, my only family. Okay. Self-taught, then. Yeah. Same here. Except where I'm from, there's way less stabby stuff. Ugh. Everything else doesn't wanna eat you. To survive, must become one with jungle. Sights, sounds, smells, senses and instincts will keep you alive anywhere. Yuck. Tell that to the bugs, please. - Zabu! - Your brother's a cat? Sabre-tooth tiger. But also cat. - Kid. Wait. - Ka-Zar. [grunting] [Spider-Man] Again with the pointy things? [grunts] The animals never recognize the trap until it's too late. [Spider-Man] Taskmaster. Kraven the Hunter. All right, gruesome. How are you, like, everywhere? You got some kind of super villain franchise, and there's ten of you? I'm anywhere I need to be for something of value. Take this natural hunter, tracker, warrior. A next-gen Wolverine. And my next protege. My offer still stands, Ka-Zar. Join me and I free your sabre-tooth. I will never join you. I told you it would not work. Now, we do it my way. Ugh. [grunting] Ugh. Hang on. I got this. That trap was designed for the boy. I came all the way down here to recruit Ka-Zar. - Not destroy him. - If you hope to tame a wild animal, you must first remove it from the jungle. [grunting] Incoming. Look out. Oh, nuts. Whoa. This will buy us time. Then the boy will follow his pet. [beeps] Now, let's move. I'm on a schedule. Ugh. [Wolverine] What'd they tag him with? [sniffs] [scoffs] Poison. From this jungle. Unleashes the beast inside the man. [screams] [roars] Spider-Man is gone. Now, he is one with the savage land. [grunting] [growls] Come on, Spidey. This ain't you. He cannot hear you. Your "Spidey" has become Savage Spider-Man. Hey, kid. Savage is usually my thing. [growls and grunts] [screams] You bit me? And you call me disgusting? [growls] [Kraven] Patience, Taskmaster. Ka-Zar will be a perfect disciple. I have high hopes for him. - If he's properly motivated. - In time. [roars] This magnificent creature is the key to my immortality. When I have my prize you'll get yours. [roars] Zabu. - You're not leaving. - I will not let them take my brother. The kid took a dart for you. You owe him. [growls] Help me get my webs back. Then, the three of us'll get your kitty back. - Tell me there's an antidote. - There is medicine. In the glands of a Mega-mephitis. Lead the way. Gotta cure the web-head before he hurts himself. [grunting and growling] [stomping] [roars] [flatulence] [roars] I've seen a lot of horrible things in my life that I wish I could un-see, And this one might be the worst. Now, jungles. I am sorry, Spider-Man. This worse than bugs. [roars] [groans] [gasps] The spider awakes. - What's goin' on? - Kraven. Taskmaster. Our mission. Remember? Before you went savage. [sniffs] Why do I smell like ugh. What happened to my clothes? - What happened to me? - Probably best you don't remember. [beeping] Kraven and Taskmaster escaped. But we hunt them. [Ka-Zar] We must rescue Zabu. [Spider-Man] You came along with us. Your first time out of the savage land. Had no choice. My place is in savage land. Not with you. Not with skull-face. But I need my brother returned to me. I lost all else long ago. Zabu is my only family. I get it, buddy. More than you know. I promise we'll get your brother back. Hang on. It's about to get rough. Do not hurt Zabu. Why do you think they're still in the air? Spidey. Man the defenses. [Taskmaster] This part of your plan? They're following us, are they not? When the boy's cat is gone, and he's alone in the city, he'll be yours. [roars] So be it. If we crash, then we will take them with us. Don't worry, guys. I got this. [beeps] Uh missed one. [groans] Is there any chance that explosion didn't totally mess up our jet? Controls are frozen. We're goin' down. If anyone saw any parachutes on board, now would be a good time to speak up. Anybody? Okay, then. I guess we're crashing. Let's try not to crash. [groaning] You can't possibly expect us to jump. Everyone without mutant healing powers, out. Ugh. He expects us to jump. Don't worry, 'Zar. Crashing things is Wolverine's specialty. Kraven, on the other hand - There. We can catch him if we - Um Ka-Zar? Where'd he go? Ugh. Not good. [honking] [gasping] [machine noises and honking] [honking] How how can you do this? Live with noise, chaos, smell? Awful, awful smell. It's just like the jungle. Instead of quicksand, we got concrete. And instead of mouthy dinosaurs, we got mouthy New Yorkers. - So different than jungle. - Not really. Focus on what you're after. Block out everything else. Become one with your surroundings. One with this concrete jungle. Remember telling me the same. Zabu's scent. That way. [remote sirens] Come on. Follow my lead. Welcome to my jungle. [Kraven] Ritual sacrifice and release the immortality that beats in this creature's chest. Now I know why hunter wants Zabu. Legend say one who steals heart of sabre-tooth lives forever. Uh-oh. An opportunity that comes only once every thousand years. Less talking. More sacrificing. No. Everything must be perfect for the ritual to work. A sabre-tooth at this exact location. At this exact time. And the sacrifice must happen at sunset. Which is now. To my immortality. Ugh. This is definitely a no-sacrificing zone. And honestly I am so over stabby things today. [battle cry] [grunting] - Zabu. - Join me, Ka-Zar, And we'll rule this world. I already rule my jungle. I do not need your world. Now, give me Zabu. Still, you'd give up such power for a pet? I overestimated you, Ka-Zar. You're just a simple beast. And it's time to put you down. [grunting] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - I've got you. - [Taskmaster] And I've got you. Wolverine. [grunting] Okay, well thanks for the save. [grunts] Running out of time. Ix-nay on the ab-stay. [growls] The ritual must happen now. Oh, come on. How many of those knives do you carry? [battle cry] Immortality belongs to Kraven. What? That's it. You wanted savage Spidey, you got him. Fools. The chance for immortality comes but once every thousand years. Quit whining. Just come back and try again. In another thousand years. You've taken my greatest treasure. So, I must take yours. [battle cry] Zabu. Catch. Taskmaster. [growls] Where is he? Where is he? [laughs] Missed you, brother. [squeals] [growls] Whoa. Nice kitty. [growls] Ugh. Oh. Cat slobber. [laughs] Zabu likes you. So, Ka-Zar remember how I said I was putting together some heroes? I think you'd fit in. Assuming you and Zabu are both house trained [growls] what do you think about stickin' around the city for a while? I belong in savage land. But you learned to appreciate my jungle. Brought a little back with you. So, I will stay, and learn to appreciate yours. So what happened today will not happen again. Nice work recruiting jungle boy. Yeah but Taskmaster got away. He's trying to recruit his own team. But why? What for? You'll figure out what his game is. You were out of your element today, webs. But you stuck with it. Turned it around. - Taskmaster's the one who oughta worry. - Thanks for the help. Couldn't have done it without all your stabby stab. Can't wait for our next mission together! Seriously, I can wait. [Wolverine] I heard that!