Cookies for Einstein

{Yodelling music} Narrator: Bern, Switzerland 1905. Home of cheese, clocks, chocolate and neutrality... but mostly, chocolate. [*these words are also on screen] Y,W,D: [Sung] Open your doors and buy our cookies, Yodle oodle lodle lodle yahdle oodle eee! Support the scouts get out your wallets, Yodle oodle lodle lodle yahdle oodle eee! Wakko: Yodle ay hee hoo, yodle ah ha haa, yodle ay hee hee, yodle iddel addel yahdle dahdle dihdle dohble dooble dah bah dee dee! Sorry, it's the chocolate talking! Swiss Miss: Hot chocolate! Hot chocolate! Wakko:    Hello, Swiss Nurse Miss! Yakko: Oh, no you don't! We've got cookies to sell. Well scouts, there it is. The last house in the city. And we only need to sell one more box of cookies to get our merit badges. Dot: Albert Einstein. He sounds dreamy! {O Mein Lieber Augustin (a.k.a. "Did You Ever See a Lassie")} [Einstein at chalkboard. H2O = Wet P = BM3  S = BLT  STP = OIL] Einstein: If the sun is P and gravity is H, it makes a f-f-f. No, no, no, no! The theory of relativity has escaped me. Why can't I get it, why? Oh! This better be important. I'm thinking about black holes. Yakko:    Like black heads? You must be a dermatologist. Einstein: I am not! I am Albert Einstein, world famous physicist. Yakko:   Oh. I've never had a cyst, but Wakko's got a wart you can look at. Einstein: Eww. What do you kids want?

{Yodelling music}

Wakko: You wanna buy a yummy box of kid scout cookies? Einstein: Cookies? What would I do with cookies? Dot: Yah eat 'em silly mustache man! Whoa, dumber than advertised. {O Mein Lieber Augustin} Einstein: No. I don't want cookies. I'm trying to unlock the mysteries of the universe. Now be good little scouts and runaway. Wakko:    Goodbye merit badges. [Sptolight on Dot]

Dot: Ohh, oh, my heart aches with the sorrow of a thousand scouts. No merit badge. I mourn my loss. *sob* *sob* Yakko: [Clapping] Say, those acting classes are really paying off! Dot: Think so? Yakko: Don't worry siblings! We'll sell that man a box of cookies or die trying!... or try dying!... or do some tie dyeing!

{O Mein Lieber Augustin}

Einstein: And now, to measure the speed of light. Boy, that's quick! Ooh! Y,W,D: Hello! {Warners' Theme} Mwah! Dot: So how about it kid, want some cookies? Einstein: No, no, no cookies! Yakko: How about a chia pet? {Where, Oh, Where Has My Little Dog Gone?} Einstein: No! I-- oh look at that. Oh, it's got little fuzzy grass! Well... no. I can't, I can't. Don't you understand? I can't be disturbed. I'm trying to figure out an equation that explains the universe. Yakko: Shouldn't you stick to skin disorders? Einstein: I am not a dermatologist! {O Mein Lieber Augustin} Yakko: All right, all right, we got the picture. If you don't want any cookies then just leave. Einstein: I'm not going to leave, this is my house. YAKKO: All right then, you leave! Einstein: Fine! ... Rrrrr. [Warners get kicked out] Wakko: Now what? YAKKO: Now it's time for the hard sell. {O Mein Lieber Augustin}

Einstein: No more disruptions. Y,W,D:    Hello! Einstein: Aghh! You! Yakko:    No, this is a ewe. We're just plain old us. Einstein: Why won't you leave me alone? Yakko:    Boy, have we got a deal for you! For a limited time only! When you buy our cookies, we'll throw in the amazing ACME pocket fisherman! The pocket fisherman comes complete with fishing pole, tackle box and potty. (He may be small, but he eats.) Dot: But wait! There's more! You'll also get the amazing ACME hair magnet. A unique solution to styling men's hair. Wakko: Smile! You didn't smile. Yakko: To get the cookies, pocket fisherman and hair magnet, here's how to order: Dot: Hi! I'm Dot, an operator here at ACME. Order now and we'll also throw in "Unexplained Mysteries of Fudge". Call now. Einstein: *Sob* Wakko: I don't think he can take much more, Captain! He's about to blow! Yakko: I guess you really don't want any cookies, huh? Einstein: How can I eat cookies when the theory of relativity has escaped me? It's all wrong, all wrong. I am a failure. Einstein is a dummy. Shtupid Einstein, dummy boy. Y,W,D: *whisper whisper* Hey Einstein! When ever we're feeling blue, Here's what we always do. When your face is long Sing the ACME song You'll feel so fresh and new! Yakko: There's the "A", that's first, there's a "C", that's next, there's an "M", you're almost done. There's the "E", it's last, now spell it out, "A","C","M","E" that's fun! Wakko: Now backwards! There's the "E", that's last, there's the "M", it's next, there's "C" you're almost done. There's the "A", it's first, what's first is last; "E","M","C","A" we're done! Yakko: Pretty good Wakko, but your "A" always looks like a two. Einstein: That's it, that's it! The theory of relativity! E=mc^2! Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared! You kids is geniuses! E=mc squared! E=mc squared! E=mc squared! Host: The Nobel Prize in physics goes to Albert Einstein and the Warner Brothers. Dot: And the Warner Sister! Yakko: Hey it's no merit badge, but it'll do.