From the Ladle to the Grave: The Story of Shallow Gravy

The Venture Bros.: Season: 4 - Episode: Special

[incomplete]


 * Narrator: From out of the Dusty Highlands, three dark riders came to save the soul of rock with a ladle of heavy metal fire and metaphoric meat drippings.
 * Dermott: We set the world on fire with our sound.
 * Hank: Technically it was my kitchen that we set on fire.
 * Narrator: This is a story of failure and triumph, then some more failure and triumph, then an explosion and more failure followed by double triumph. This is the story of Shallow Gravy. Even though they are the most important band since The Beatles, Shallow Gravy didn’t begin that way. Young Hank Venture started life as the better-looking son of Dr. Thaddeus Venture.
 * Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture: Well, music’s in the Venture blood. You know, I tinkle the ivories a bit myself.
 * Narrator: As a former child star and world-famous adventuring super scientist, Dr. Venture had high hopes for his son. But Hank was destined for greater things.
 * Brock: I gave him my old bass for Christmas one year and he started a band the next day.
 * Hank: Brock gave me lessons. He even taught me a mnemonic device to remember the names of all the strings - E, A, D, G. Every Adversary Dies Gloriously
 * Narrator: Hank’s solo effort was received warmly, but there was something always missing -- the smoking charisma and power of the perfect front man.
 * Dermott: This one is called "Sword on the Back". Ow! [bleep] Stings. Let me do that again.
 * Narrator: Dermott Fictel was born to raise Hell over his head and scream "Who wants a piece of Hell?"
 * Dermott: I moved around a lot when I was a kid. I was on the lam - busted out of juvie after hitting a kid with the touch of death.
 * He said what? Oh, please! He live here his whole life with his sister.
 * A self-taught master of jeet kune do, and his own "iron punching" system, Dermott was poised for stardom.
 * Nikki: Dermott always liked music.
 * When he was little, he would stand on the couch and sing Spice Girls songs.
 * Dermott: Nikki, shut up! I did not! He did.
 * It was adorable.
 * Two young travelers on the same road paved with hard rock dreams.
 * Fate drew them together as if one was a magnet that was attracted to trouble, and the other was negatively charged trouble.
 * Doc: Rusty’s Day Camp! The fans still need to connect with Rusty.
 * I’m - I’m Rusty.
 * So lame.
 * I didn’t even know why I went.
 * I got tired of the boy always asking me, "Who’s my daddy?" I told him, "You want to meet your daddy? He’s right up the road". Looking for his father at Camp Rusty? That’s - well, Brock, uh, gets around.
 * He’s a bit of a gadabout.
 * I was teaching like a baby version of judo to the campers, and this fat kid starts up with this crap.
 * Dermott: Turned out to be a complete waste of my time ‘cause nobody at that dorkfest was cool enough to be related to me.
 * You ever want to kick a kid’s ass, but you can’t?
 * Dermott: Yeah, but me and Hank totally hit it off.
 * Dude, did you talk to his wimp-ass brother yet? [bleep] decked his ass.
 * He’s such a liar.
 * I decked him.
 * Hank and Dermott found out they shared a father that day, And his name was rock ‘n’ roll.
 * With the addition of a key memberâ¦ â¦Shallow Gravy was born.
 * I used to use H.E.L.P.eR. for parties.
 * Programmed him to play all the popular songs of the day.
 * We’d all sing over him for fun.
 * Yeah, I know what you’re thinking.
 * I invented karaoke.
 * With all three members in place, they began rehearsing in Hank’s bedroom, and the local press took notice.
 * Dean: Well, the Home News back then wasn’t the slick weekly it is today.
 * I mean, it had all the hard-hitting facts that my readers demand, but it was dittoed and stapled on the side.
 * I remember that article.
 * Hell, I’m a subscriber.
 * Dean prints maps of the compound and places his father will be in like, every issue! Thanks, Venture Home News! Riding the wave of success, they quickly put their hot sound on cassette tape to feed the rock-hungry masses.
 * Dude, I got that cassingle.
 * It was like 30 minutes of one song That sounded like an exploding car made out of basses.
 * Awesome! Patchy at best.
 * And who even has a cassette player anymore? Right? We had to pay a guy ten bucks to let us listen to it in his ‘89 Honda Civic.
 * So awkward.
 * Our original sound was a lot more, um, I want to say "raw"? Freaking Hank could hardly play bass.
 * Dermott couldn’t really sing yet, but we grew together as a band.
 * Hank’s new wave was rubbing off on me, and my "[bleep] No guts no glory" attitude was rubbing off on him.
 * We were just rubbing off on each other.
 * Totally not in the gay way, though.
 * It was just so nice to see them together.
 * I knew they would get along.
 * It was destiny.
 * New drummer, hot press, and their first release.
 * Things were looking up for Shallow Gravy.
 * Then, tragedy stuck.
 * In a freak accident during a freak battle on Hank’s lawn, H.E.L.P.eR. was mortally wounded in a car accident.
 * Car accident?! Dude, that car was blown up on purpose! Plus, there was a guy in the car! Who cares about a [bleep] robot?! Oh, it was tragic.
 * I mean, sure, we lost hundreds of lives that day, but when you lose a family member, it’s -- it’s tough.
 * I don’t wanna talk about this.
 * It was like one minute he was there, and the next he was, like, everywhere -- the lawn, the roof.
 * His little, uh, head piece was stuck here for a while.
 * I wasn’t there.
 * I mean, if I was, freaking heads would have rolled.
 * I would have gone sick-house.
 * What kind of dick hates rock ‘n’ roll so much they have to destroy it?! Hey, here’s something for your goofy little slide show -- I broke up the band.
 * So, uhâ¦ suck on that, America.
 * In a blinding flash, Shallow Gravy was over.
 * Hank found himself in his root - music.
 * Dean: He actually got good.
 * I mean, it was almost real music.
 * I built him his first amp out of an old Speak N Spell.
 * Yeah, it was orange.
 * While Dermott Fictel found himself in the darkness of his own troubled mind.
 * Dermott: Oh, man, my world just caved in on me.
 * No band, man.
 * I was like, "well, now I got to become an ultimate fighter I guess". Without Dermott around to tell me all my ideas were retarded, I was really free to explore and create.
 * So I didn’t see him like all summer.
 * And the suddenly, totally out of nowhere, he calls me and plays this killer riff over my phone from his watch-phone.
 * This is the actual jacket that inspired the song "Jacket". Yeah, I wrote those lyrics in one night.
 * Song used to be called "Jack". It was about Jack the Ripper.
 * It was all about some old guy that killed people or something.
 * I said, "That will never sell!" You know what sells? Jackets.
 * Back on course and ready to set the music world on fire, only one piece was missing, but not for long.
 * Doc: H.E.L.P.eR.’s a family member, and when you lose a family member, what do you do? Cry? No! You rebuild him.
 * That’s the Venture way! So H.E.L.P.eR.’s back and he’s huge and spider-like.
 * And it was awesome, and I go, "Hank, new name - Shallow Grave". H.E.L.P.eR. thought it was pretentious and unfairly pigeonholed us, so we went with Shallow Gravy.
 * I added the gravy.
 * You get it? Reunited and re-energized, the band was eager to unleash their new sound on public.
 * It was time for Shallow Gravy to take to the road.
 * I think we’re being shut down.
 * Doc: Hey, would you keep it down, The Who? Knock it off.
 * Ugh, if I had to hear that [bleep] song one more time, I swearâ¦ So I gave Hank my dad’s old battle van and told them to just goâ¦ somewhere.
 * Hank: We called it "The Gravy Boat". Get it? The road was a harsh mistress.
 * And with the price of fueling a gigantic antique car Hauling a band with a 900-pound drummer, It was also a short mistressâ¦ Make some [bleep] noise! I can’t hear you! â¦until they finally landed the gig show of a lifetime.
 * Dermott: Homeschool prom, we are Shallow Gravy! 2, 3, 4! Ah, yeah, the prom gig.
 * Prom gig - the biggest venue we ever played.
 * Hank: All those sounds, all those colors! Aw, people were, like, tearing off their clothes and pulling off their pants! HANK: Dermott took off his shirt, I think.
 * Is that what you’re talking about? That gig also brought Shallow Gravy to the attention of a local amateur deejay and sometimes-scientist. Magic.
 * They had it all.
 * I mean, a great bass sound, a pissed-off front man -- - And a robot.
 * - Real robot! They’re not like those Kraftwerk phonies! Listen, boy bands are always hot.
 * I wanted to get them into the studio immediately.
 * Yeah, before they were a man band.
 * Like an albino Brain Eno and a hydrocephalic Martin Hannett, the production duo feverishly experimented in search of that perfect "Gravy" sound.
 * White: I like to call it the "Wall of White". It sounds like it was recorded on the moon! Totally [bleep] overproduced.
 * "Jacket" hit the music scene like a storm that rained molten lead instead of regular water and it burned the pants - I just can’t say these things.
 * Dermott: You gotta believe it! Why are you stopping? Go! It’s just a silly line.
 * Dude, this is the best part! This is the big finish! Did you boys write this? Shallow Gravy isn’t just a band, it’s best friends that mad a movement! Movement.
 * I never found my father, but I found my brotherâ¦ in rock.
 * The world will know the names Hank Venture and Dermott Fictel.
 * Wait.
 * Fictel? And - and he’s 17? No, no.
 * That’s - I, umâ¦ This interview is over.
 * That’s the end of our story, but not the end of Shallow Gravy.
 * This is just the beginning.
 * - Yellow - Jacket - Straight - Jacket - Smoking - Jacket
 * Both: Full Metal Jacket - Flack - Jacket - Leather - Jacket - Varsity - Jacket
 * Both: It’s Brock’s jacket - Puffy - Jacket - Bulletproof - Jacket - Track - Jacket
 * Both: Woolen jacket - Dungaree - Jacket - Jean - Jacket - Denim - Jacket BOTH: They’re all the same jacket You are my outerwear My special coat without a tear Jackets are everywhere With a hood or a belt or a sleeveless one Doesn’t count, that’s a vest called a jerkin A-two, three, four! - Fonzie’s - Jacket - Bolero - Jacket - Tuxedo - Jacket BOTH: Eisenhower jacket - Nehru - Jacket - Satin - Jacket - Riding - Jacket Both: Technicolor jacket - Welding - Jacket - A child’s - Jacket - A driving - Jacket Both: Reversible jacket - Members Only - Jacket - A padded - Jacket - Fringed - Jacket Both: Double-breasted jacket These are the coats we wear Of devil’s plaid and witch’s hair Jackets are everywhere You are my outerwear My special coat without a tear Jacket are everywhere With a hood or a belt or a sleeveless one Doesn’t count that’s a vest called a jerkin We’re all wearin’ jackets