Hercule Yakko

HERCULE YAKKO - Written by: PETER HASTINGS Directed by: RUSTY MILLS and DAVE MARSHALL Animation  : WANG FILM PRODUCTIONS

SPHINX:  {Egyptian music} MARITA:   My diamond! My diamond!! FLAVIO: Which one? MARITA: The magnifique-icent Acme diamond that I was wearing. I've been rob-bed.  FLAVIO: Don't worry my little dew drop, we'll find your diamond; for the thief must be on this very ship. MARITA: Not in first class, I hope!  FLAVIO: They have come back for matching earings! PORTER: Please, it is I, your porter. I heard a scream, like this, FLAVIO: It was my wife. A thief had stolen a diamond from my fragile Marita. MARITA: I have been rob-bed. PORTER: You're in luck, mademoiselle-madam; for on board this very ship is        the greatest detective of all time. MARITA: You mean... COLUMBO:Uh just one more question...  PORTER: No, actually I mean the great... YAKKO: Hercule Yakko! May I introduce my assistants...        Dr. Wakko, and Number 1 Sister. {Song break} [see AMLF 1.6, #38] FLAVIO: Are you an inspector of the yard? YAKKO: Not if you have a dog. {Sad Song. The one that might be "Hearts & Flowers"} MARITA:  Can you help us M. Yakko? CAN YOU? CAN YOU? YAKKO: Dr. Wakko, give this woman something to calm her down. {sci-fi music} MARITA:  YAKKO: You can rest assured that I am this close to solving the crime. FLAVIO: But Monsieur, you don't know what the crime is. YAKKO: Details, details. Number 1 Sister, dust for prints. Dr. Wakko, it could be a long night. Better order some pizzas. {Shortnin' Bread} WAKKO: I'd like 42 pizzas, 6 with no crust. YAKKO: Now,do you have any enemies? F & M: No. YAKKO:  Do you have any creditors? F & M: No. YAKKO:  Well then, do you have any requests? [Liberace mode] Thank you so much. Way down Jack upon the Nile River, Jack. {Swanee River} DOT:   I found Prince! YAKKO: No, no, no. Fingerprints! DOT:   I don't think so.  YAKKO: Now, tell me exactly what happened. MARITA: My diamond was stolen. PORTER: And I heard a scream, like this YAKKO: I see. Did you get all that? DOT:   Her diamond was stolen, and then there was a scream like this PORTER: No, it was more like this YAKKO: I see. Like this PORTER: Yes. MARITA: That's when I realized that I had been rob-bed. YAKKO: And which one are you, Rob or Ed?  FLAVIO: Gasp! MARITA: Gasp! YAKKO: Quick, everyone, give me your wallets, your money, your valuables. MARITA: Do you think it's the thief? YAKKO: No, I think it's the pizza. C. BOO: B'Gark. {Farm music} WAKKO: He was odd. DOT:   He was strange. PORTER: He was a chicken, I tell you. A giant chicken! YAKKO: We must search for the thief. Bring out the hounds. {A-hunting we will go} [To the hounds] Follow this scent. {Light Cavalry Overture} Mush! Mush! DOT:   That was pointless. YAKKO: It's time to question the other passengers. I'd like you all to        wait for me in the State Room. Dr. Wakko, I want you to search the room, and put all the clues in this bag. [Yakko knocks on door] SLAPPY: WHAT?! YAKKO: I am Hercule Yakko, a sleuth. SLAPPY: Yeah, well I'm Slappy Squirrel, asleep!  {Slappy's theme} [Yakko knocks on door] YAKKO: There's been a robbery on board. Have you seen anything...strange? SLAPPY: I saw Wally Gator slam dance with a Smurf. Is that strange enough for ya? YAKKO: Have you heard a scream? SLAPPY: Like this?  YAKKO: Yes. SLAPPY: NO!  [Yakko knocks on another door] VOICE: Who is it? YAKKO: Good evening, I'm...in love. {sexy music} WAKKO: I'll handle this. There's been a.... {Minerva's Theme} Y & W: HELLOOO Nurse!!! DOT:   BOYS. MINERVA:No control. DOT:   Anyway, have you seen this diamond? MINERVA: {Anvil Chorus} DOT:   It's hard being the strong one. HUNK:  Hi babe. DOT:   Hellooo Nurse!!! {Stars and Stripes Forever} [Knock on still another door] BRAIN: Yes! YAKKO: Did you steal a big diamond? {PatB theme} BRAIN: No. We are Swiss hikers on holiday. PINKY: Look at me Brain, I'm Heidi. Yodel-lay-hee-NARF! [Brain smashes him] MARITA: Monsieur Yakko, any luck? YAKKO: There's only one person on board this ship who could've taken tha diamond. Unfortunately, I have no idea who that is. MARITA:  <Sob> {Sob Song} YAKKO: I know the location of the diamond. Assemble all the passengers in         the State Room! DOT:   Heh heh. I see, it's the "Night at the Opera" bit. Funny bit. Uh-huh-huh-heh. YAKKO: You're probably all wondering why I called you here. PORTER, FLAVIO, MARITA, SLAPPY, MINERVA, PINKY, & BRAIN: To reveal the thief? YAKKO: No. It's because you can't play charades with three people. SLAPPY: That's it! I'm going back to bed. MINERVA:So am I. I didn't take the diamond. BRAIN: I also am innocent. PINKY: Umm, I may have done it. I walk in my sleep, you know. <Smash> YAKKO: In fact, none of you stole the diamond! FLAVIO: That is outrageous! MARITA: You fraud! You sham! Calling us liars. <Sob> FLAVIO: You said you'd get to the bottom of this! YAKKO: My friends, the diamond is *here*! And we're going to turn this room upside-down to prove it. Siblings.... Aha! I found it! Madam, you were sitting on the diamond the whole time! [Aside] I told you I'd get to the bottom of this.