Gramma's Secret Recipe


 * (at Shady Shoals rest home)
 * Grandma Plankton: How about a little more, Plankton, or has this old granny had enough for one night?
 * Plankton: Oh, Grandma, you know I always have more pudding for you!
 * Grandma Plankton: Oh, that looks simply delightful!
 * Plankton: You once told me that this was your favorite flavor growing up as a child.
 * Grandma Plankton: Ration?
 * Plankton: Uh, no, chocolate. Open up! (feeds the pudding to Grandma) You can let go of the spoon now, Grandma. There. Oops, looks like you've got a little on your face. Here, let me. (wipes off the pudding) There you are. There you are, darling.
 * Grandma Plankton: Oh, Plankton. You always were my favorite granddaughter!
 * Nurse: Five minutes until bedtime, Mr. Plankton.
 * Plankton: Well, Grandma, that's the sweetest, most tender...
 * Nurse: Five minutes, Mr. Plank...
 * Plankton: I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! Now, where were we? (Grandma is asleep) Grandma, don't forget your teeth.
 * Grandma Plankton: (spits out teeth and coughs)
 * Plankton: Ooh. Uh, uh, now, now, Grandma, just relax. There, there. (Grandma is asleep) That's perfect! (puts the teeth in his mouth) PERFECT! (laughs evilly) Why didn't I think of this before? No one can say "No" to a helpless little grandma! (thinking. He is at the Krusty Krab. 'female voice) Excuse me, Sonny, I'd simply love one of your Krabby what's-it's, but my delicate digestive system has special needs, and I'll need to see a complete list of ingredients. You wouldn't want me to be up all night with painful bloating, would you?
 * Mr. Krabs: Goodness, no! (gives the formula to "her") Here you are.
 * Plankton: Thanks, Sonny! I'm just going to take it home; I left my bifocals there. (laughs evilly as imagery fades) '(Bubble transition)
 * SpongeBob: La-la, la-la, la-la! La-la, la-la, la-la! (playing in the bathtub. He shoots a squirt of water with his hands. The squirt of water goes through his holes at the top of his head then lands on the bar of soap) Yay!! A DIRECT HIT! (uses a bar of soap as a walkie-talkie) Threat neutralized, Captain. ... Roger. Over. ... Uh-huh. Right away, Captain. All hands, prepare to dive! Repeat: prepare to di-- (Plankton, disguised as Grandma knocks on the door. He clears his throat) Hi, lady!
 * Plankton: (female voice) Why, SpongeBob. Don't you recognize me?
 * SpongeBob: Ehh, not really...
 * Plankton: It's me, your dear old great-grammyma!
 * SpongeBob: (gasps) Quick, come inside! (inside of the pineapple) Wow, my very own great-grammyma. Why have we never met?
 * Plankton: I want to know all about your life—your job, where the secret formula is... (stammers) I mean...
 * SpongeBob: I'm so glad you came back... (rubs his finger across Plankton's chin) ...Double-Great Grammyma. (Plankton pushes it away and shudders) You're cold. Let's wrap you up in something nice and cozy. (Bubble transitions over to Plankton wrapped up in a blanket on a couch) Okay, lean forward. (Plankton grumbles as he does so. SpongeBob puts a pillow behind his back) There we go, now lean back, Grammyma. It's the coziest pillow I have. (Plankton does so but sinks into the pillow. He is yelling from it. SpongeBob reacts) How about we look through some old family photo albums? (SpongeBob runs to get them but Plankton is still stuck in the pillow. Cuts to SpongeBob laughing) Here's a picture of me when I developed my first appendage. (a picture of flattened SpongeBob tied to a balloon) Pretty neat photo album, eh, Double-G Grammyma?
 * Plankton: It was certainly interesting, but I'd like to hear about your more recent affairs, like where you work, for instance.
 * SpongeBob: Ha, ha, ha, ha, don't worry. I've got pictures of that too... (shows stacks of photo albums) ...but we have a couple more from my early childhood to get through first.
 * Plankton: Never let it be said that I didn't suffer for my occupation. (it is night which turns to morning. SpongeBob and Plankton are asleep. Spongebob wakes up and exclaims. He looks happily at Plankton)
 * SpongeBob: Great-Graaaaaaamyma...?
 * Plankton: Huh?!? Oh, I had the most horrible dream of my life! I was dressed up as...! (looks up to see SpongeBob still looking happily at him) Holy mother of Neptune, it's true.
 * SpongeBob: Good mooorning. I'll go and fix us a nice breakfast, and then we'll spend the whole day together!
 * Plankton: Uh, sounds delightful. (takes off glasses. evilly laughs) Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. (puts on more lipstick. Bubble transitions over to SpongeBob and Plankton walking down the street)
 * SpongeBob: So, Grammyma, what kinds of things do you active seniors like to do?
 * Plankton: Actually, SpongeBob, I said I wanted to see your life, remember?
 * SpongeBob: Hmmmm... (flashback of Plankton)
 * Plankton: I want to know all about your life—your job, where the secret formula is... (stammers) I mean...
 * SpongeBob: (goes back to the present) No, you couldn't possibly care about any of that stuff. Your life must be way more full and exciting.
 * Plankton: Well, uh...
 * SpongeBob: (grabs Plankton by the arm and carries him) Come on, it'll be fun! (Bubble transitions over to the place called "Grandma's Tea House." SpongeBob drinks tea) Ahhh. Isn't this tea delicious, Grandma?
 * Plankton: Why, yes! (drinks the tea then spits it out on a coaster) HOW CAN YOU DRINK THIS DRECK?! (all of the grandmas gasp) Heh, heh, heh, heh... What I meant to say was, "More, please." (bubble transitions to other grandmas and SpongeBob knitting) 
 * SpongeBob: Knitting circles sure are fun, eh, Grammyma?
 * Plankton: Nope. (he has his arms in a yarn circle)
 * SpongeBob: Why are you not having fun?
 * Plankton: Why?! BECAUSE I DON'T KNIT, YOU NITWIT! (his yarn circle gets pulled and so does he by a grandma) 
 * SpongeBob: Are you sure? 'Cause you make a real nice scarf. (Plankton is knitted into a scarf. Bubble transitions over to Plankton and SpongeBob playing Canasta. Plankton puts down a Joker card with his cards the A of clubs, the two of spades, and the five of diamonds) Oh, Great-Grammyma, you win again. All hail the great Canasta "masta"! (Plankton takes his Joker card and rips it in half and throws it on the table) Grandma, you getting bored?
 * Plankton: No, I'm getting hungry. I can feel my own stomach acids eating away at my organs. I COULD EAT A VILLAGE!
 * SpongeBob: Would you settle for a Krabby Patty?
 * Plankton: (reacts) Would I? (laughs. Then laughs maniacally. He clears his throat) Uh, yeah, I would. (bubble transitions over to SpongeBob and Plankton walking to the front entrance of the Krusty Krab) Uh, SpongeBob, would you mind terribly if we used the rear entrance? I'm a little shy around new people.
 * SpongeBob: Hmm... Hey, Grammy, do antenna run in our family?
 * Plankton: Antenna... What?! No, I...!
 * SpongeBob: (laughs) Oh-ho-ho-ho! Ah, she really is shy. Nobody ever uses this door except for me and... (Squidward bursts open the front door holding a garbage bag) ...Squidward!
 * Plankton: AAAH!
 * Squidward: SpongeBob, you have been warned about lurking back here on your days off!
 * SpongeBob: I'm just bringing in my great-grammyma for some lunch.
 * Squidward: Your what?
 * SpongeBob: My great-grammyma! (points to Plankton but he's not there) She must be hiding. Well, she did say she was shy.
 * Squidward: Right... (starts dumping the garbage in the trash can) SpongeBob, I promise not to tell Mr. Krabs about this if you promise that I don't have to see you again for the rest of the day. (Plankton is hiding in the trash can. He gets a lot of garbage all over him. He starts coughing. SpongeBob walks over to the trash can)
 * SpongeBob: Grammy, there you are. I was starting to worry.
 * Plankton: Never mind. Just get me into the kitchen! 
 * SpongeBob: (cuts to him and Plankton walking in the kitchen) Well, here it is.
 * Plankton: AT LAST!
 * SpongeBob: Grandma, I'm just gonna go make sure the restrooms are stocked. You, know, real quick—it's part of my day-off duties.
 * Plankton: Okay. I'll be standing right here when you get back, and not off somewhere snooping around for the secret formula or anything.
 * SpongeBob: Ha, ha, ha... What?
 * Plankton: Nothing, go ahead! (laughs menacingly. He pulls out a green balloon which is a decoy of him dressed as Grandma. He stretches it then blows it up) Let's see how this decoy floats your boat. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! (the balloon floats away and goes above Plankton who is checking under the dirty plates for the formula. The balloon lands in the drain of the sink)
 * SpongeBob: Okay, Grammyma, that's taken care of. I... (calls) Grammyma! She must've made her own way up to the cash register all by herself! Maybe I'll catch up on my dishwashing while I have the chance. (walks to the sink) The Krusty Krab manual says it is always a good idea to start by turning the garbage disposal on, just in case there is any leftover rubbish in the sink. (turns the garbage disposal on. The balloon starts ripping into a million pieces) Sounds like there's something stuck in the si- Grandma! '(the balloon finishes ripping. Plankton looks up) Oh, I can't bear to look! (starts crying. Plankton thinks for a bit) Oh, Double-Great-Grammy-Grams, you were so soft and fragile like a... like a... like a... like a balloon!!
 * Plankton: SpongeBob, SpongeBob, up here!
 * SpongeBob: Grandma, is that you? Are you all right?
 * Plankton: Oh! I'm all right, but I've been ground to a pulp. If only there was a nice, cool, safe place nearby, like a safe nearby, where I could rest and recover.
 * SpongeBob: Well, there is the safe where Mr. Krabs keeps the Krusty Krab secret formula that Plankton's been trying to steal for the past bunch of years, but I don't think he'd mind if my dear old grammyma rests in there.
 * Plankton: Why would he?
 * SpongeBob: (carries Plankton over to the safe. He opens the safe which is filled with coins and cash. He puts Plankton on top of a stack of cash) Here you go. I'll come back for you a little later.
 * Plankton: Oh, I feel better already. (begins snoring)
 * SpongeBob: Sweet dreams, Grammyma. (closes the safe. Plankton starts laughing menacingly. He gets up)
 * Plankton: Sweet dreams, indeed, fool. Only this dream is about to become a nightmare, for Mr. Krabs! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...! (Grandma Plankton's teeth fall out) I'm just going to savour this moment, because for once in my life—for once in my life—I feel TRULY ALIVE! (Grandma Plankton grabs her teeth)
 * Grandma Plankton: PLANKTON! (Plankton gasps. Grandma Plankton takes her glasses off his face) You've been a very naughty BOY, Plankton!
 * Plankton: B-But-But-But I... (Grandma Plankton takes her wig off his head) Grandma, I can... (Grandma Plankton takes her dress off Plankton's body)
 * Grandma Plankton: I've been looking all over for this stuff!
 * Plankton: Grandma, I can explain!
 * Grandma Plankton: (grabs Plankton by his right antenna and drags him out of the kitchen) I'm sure you can. Plankton Jr., you know you always were a... (stops at one of SpongeBob's feet)
 * SpongeBob: Grandma? (gasps) You caught Plankton! Let me guess—trying to steal the secret formula, right?
 * Grandma Plankton: Get out of my way, rapscallion! (SpongeBob does so) I've had enough foolishness for one day. (Plankton groans. Grandma Plankton drags him out of the Krusty Krab. The episode ends)