Goodfeathers: The Beginning

AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER, I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A GOODFEATHER. IF YOU WERE A GOODFEATHER, YOU HAD IT ALL. YOU WERE A SOMEBODY IN A NEIGHBORHOOD FULL OF NOBODIES, LIKE BOBBY AND PESTO. THOSE GUYS WERE MY HEROES. HEY, I'M WALKIN' HERE. YOU WALKIN' WITH ME? IS THAT WHA YOU'RE DOIN'? I DON'T SEE ANYBODY ELSE. ARE YOU WALKIN' WITH ME? BOBBY AND PESTO WEREN'T AFRAID OF NOTHING OR NOBODY. [GASP] [GASP] MEOW. GET OUTTA MY WAY! AAH! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? EH, COO YOU! YEAH, RUN, RUN, PUSSYCAT. MESS WITH US, WILL YOUSE? COO OFF! HEH HEH HEH HEH! CAT DON'T KNOW COO ABOUT WHAT HE'S MESSIN' WITH. HEY, GOODFEATHERS. HOW YOU DOIN', BOBBY? HIYA, PESTO. LOOK WHAT WE GOT HERE. WHAT'S WITH YOU? I'D LIKE TO BECOME A GOODFEATHER. HEH HEH HEH! HA HA HA HA! MAKE HIM STOP! HE'S KILLIN' ME! HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA! YOU? A GOODFEATHER? HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA! GET HIM OUTTA MY FACE. [GULP] [RASPBERRY] GET OUTTA HERE! BUZZ OFF! HEH HEH HEH HEH! GET HIM. "I WANNA BE A GOODFEATHER. " WE'RE GETTIN' A LO OF LAUGHS TODAY. HA HA HA HA! HEH HEH HEH HEH! FEATHER HEAD! WHAT A BIRD! HEH HEH HEH HEH! HA HA HA HA! AHEM. AW, DON'T LAUGH, GUYS. I WANNA BE A TOUGH BIRD, LIKE YOU, PESTO. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU'RE TOUGH. YOU SAYING I'M A PIECE OF MEAT? WHAT AM I, A PLATE OF BUTT MEA HERE TO AMUSE YOU? I DIDN'T SAY THAT. I JUST SAID YOU'RE TOUGH. I AM TOUGH? YEAH. I'M TOUGH? YEAH, YOU'RE TOUGH. THAT'S IT! I'LL SHOW YOU "TOUGH. " HA HA HA HA! [GASP] THE GODPIGEON. PESTO. PESTO. HO! PESTO! WHAT? WHAT'D I DO? [GASP] [MUMBLING] THE GODPIGEON, SOLLY, WANTS TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE. UH, I'M SQUIT. [CHORTLING] SQUIT? WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS THAT? IT'S A STUPID ONE, THAT'S WHAT. SQUIT. HA HA HA! HEH HEH HEH HEH. LISTEN, I'LL DO ANYTHING TO BE A GOODFEATHER. UH [MUMBLING] HE SAYS YOU'RE IN. ALL RIGHT! IF YOU COME THROUGH WITH SOME FOOD. SURE. I'LL GET SOME FOOD. NO PROBLEM. ALL RIGHT! A BAGEL! GO FOR IT, KID. YOU NEED HELP? WE'LL HELP. EH, FORGET ABOUT IT. [CLOCK CHIMES] HE NEEDS HELP. HE NEEDS HELP. I'M GOING FOR IT. NO, I'M GOIN' FOR IT! I GOT IT! I GOT IT! GO FOR IT. PIPE DOWN. GO FOR IT. I'LL GO FOR I WHEN I WANNA. SO, GO FOR IT. AAH! AAH! AAH! OW! OHH! OOCH! YEOW! OUCH! YEUGGH! OHH OW OOH I'M DYIN' HERE. WHAT'S THE PLAN WITH THE BAGEL? [MAN] TAXI! TAXI! TAXI! TAKE YOU ANYWHERE. 14 DOLLAR. $14! $14! $14! UH, TAXI? WHO ORDERED SQUAB UNDER GLASS? HEY! AAH! OHH! OHH! EEUW! NASTY, AWFUL RATS WITH WINGS! UGH! YOU FILTHY, STINKING BIRDS! THIS IS THE PLAN. WE GET UNDER THE MANHOLE. THEN WE SNATCH THE BAGEL FROM UNDERNEATH. THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. YOU'RE A GENIUS, BOBBY. YEAH, I'M A GENIUS. YEAH, YOU'RE A SMART BIRD. WHO ASKED YA? KEEP YOUR BEAK IN YOUR OWN BUSINESS. STOP WITH THE KICKING! WHAT'S WITH THE SIZE 12 UPSIDE THE HEAD? BADA-BING. THERE SHE IS. GET YOUR FLIPPIN' WING OUTTA MY EYE! QUIT SHOVIN', WILL YA? SHOVE YOU, YOU SACK OF PILLOW STUFFING! YOU TWO PIPE DOWN! GOT IT. AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! I HAD IT. I HAD IT. THEN-- BING BANG BOOM! MY WING'S INTRODUCED TO RADIAL TIRES. [WHISTLE BLOWS] WHERE'D YOU GE THE UNIFORM? YOU ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS. WAIT HERE. [TWEET] HAH! ALL RIGHT, WE DID IT. YES. PESTO, YOU ARE ONE SWELL BIRD. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I SAID YOU'RE SWELL. YOU SAYIN' I GOT A BIG HEAD? WHAT AM I, A PUFFY ROUND HEAD HERE TO AMUSE YOU? I SAID YOU'RE SWELL. I AM SWELL? YEAH, YOU'RE SWELL. SWELL? YEAH. THAT'S IT! HERE'S YOUR "SWELL. " I'LL SHOW YOU "SWELL. " PESTO, SQUIT, KNOCK IT OFF. HEY! YO! HUH? [TWEET] [PANTING] UGH. OHH GUESS I'M OUT. THE GODPIGEON. EH [MUMBLING] [SMACK] [SMACK] [MUMBLING] YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE GODPIGEON'S BLESSING. YOU'RE IN. I'M IN! I MADE IT! [SMACK] HE SLOBBERED ALL OVER ME! MAYBE HE THINKS YOU'RE CUTE. KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'? HA HA HA HA! CUTE? YOU THINK I'M CUTE? THAT'S IT! I'LL SHOW YA "CUTE"! HERE'S YOUR "CUTE"! YOU DE-EVOLVED RACK OF DINOSAUR BONES! AND THAT'S HOW I BECAME A GOODFEATHER. GEE, YAKKO, I'M CONFUSED. WHAT ELSE IS NEW? NO. ABOU TODAY'S SHOW. WHAT'S THE MORAL OF THE STORY? GOOD QUESTION, WAKKO. TO LEARN THE ANSWER, LET'S CONSUL THE WHEEL OF MORALITY. WHEEL OF MORALITY, TURN, TURN, TURN. TELL US THE LESSON THAT WE SHOULD LEARN. MORAL 4. THE MORAL OF TODAY'S STORY IS "NEVER ASK WHA HOT DOGS ARE MADE OF. " IT ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE NOW. THANKS FOR CLEARING THAT UP. MY PLEASURE. [TWEET] YIKES! YIKES! YIKES!

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