The Curse of Candace

(Scene opens up in front of a haunted house in a movie - bat chatters)

Michael: You can't fly away from us, Jared!

(Jared transforms into human from bat)

Michael: Ha, now you're trapped!

(Tears open gate and runs inside)

Kristen: He's bent the gate!

(Movie theater with Candace and Stacy)

Michael: His vampire strength won't save him this time.

Candace: (to Stacy) Wow, super vampire strength.

Stacy: And he's super cute.

Audience Member: Ssshhh!

(scene switches to movie)

Candace: Oh, look! He has no reflection in that mirror.

Jared: I can't see my hair! (runs to another room)

Wolfman: (growls)

(scene switches to movie theater)

Candace: Look Stacy he's cornered. Now he's really stuck.

Audience Member: Ssshhh!

Stacy: Speaking of 'stuck', what's up with this floor?

(scene switches to movie)

Kristen: Jared, Michael, don't do this!

Michael: (Growls) It's the end of the line, Jared.

Jared: I'd expect this from your kind, Michael. Football players I mean, but Kristen, we were both moody outcasts, we.. we loved each other!

Kristen: Yes, yes we did.

Jared: We did, and, wait a minute, wasn't he just wearing a shirt (To Michael)

(walks to purple curtain with Kristen)

Michael: You can no longer drink the blood of those you love.

Jared: Wait, those drapes were a gift from my.... Ahhh! (sun shines in room) The hideous light of the day star! (becomes a liquid-body of himself - a gust of wind blows his frozen body away)

Kristen: Where did that wind come from?

Michael: Oops, sorry. I opened a window, it was getting stuffy in here.

(back to Candace and Stacy exiting movie theater)

Stacy: That was the best movie ever.

Candace: Yeah I know. Imagine if you had to choose between a blood-thirsty undead walking corpse and a slobbering hairy-lupine manbys for a boyfriend. (camera zooms on Candace) What could possibly be cooler? (shakes hand up knocking down the LIVE BAT from cage - Candace screams)

Candace: Get off me!

(Candace keeps saying "Get off me" and rolling in circles on floor)

Theater Usher: Careful with that promotional bat, it's rented.

Stacy: You really rented a bat.

Theater Usher: Yeah I know, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Stacy: Oh no, I think it's really paying off here. (Candace continues saying "Get off me")

(backyard) Phineas: I know what you mean, Ferb, it does seem like more than 104 days.

Linda: Boys, I'm off to Bobbi's. If you need anything, your father's inside watching television.

(inside house with Lawrence - spooky music plays from TV)

Lawrence: Well, this isn't much of a horror movie. Where are the rock-and-roll musical numbers?

(Backyard)

Linda: Oh, and Ferb, you left your pen on the kitchen table. Have fun today, I'll be back later.

(Phineas and Ferb waving goodbye)

Phineas: Bye mom! I was wondering where that went. (to Ferb) Okay Ferb, lets have a look through our blueprints.

(Ferb clicks pen open)

Phineas: Cooking powered jet cars, haunted office building ride with tensos, a reenactment with the battle of Danville?

Isabella: (walks in with a bamboo in her hand) Hey Phineas! What'cha dooooin?

(Phineas and Ferb stand up)

Phineas: Trying to think of something to do today. What's that?

Isabella: This is Bambina, my bamboo. Only, she's not doing so well.

(Bamboo coughs)

Isabella: She needs help.

Phineas: The poor girl probably just needs some sunlight. Ferb and I can rake up a super growth lamp in no time.

Isabella: You'd do that for me?

Phineas: Sure! Ferb, I know what we're...

(Buford interrupts Phineas)

Buford: Hey!

(Buford and Baljeet enter, Buford caring Baljeet in a dog cage)

Buford: How come you guys are making something special for her? What about me?

(Baljeet opens cage door)

Baljeet: And me?

Buford: It's a nerd carrier. I had a heck of a getting him in. Scratched me all up!

(Buford closes cage door) (Irving shows his face from behind a fence)

Irving: I'd like something, too!

Buford: How long have you been there?

Irving: I'm not sure. What's today?

Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're doing today. Taking requests. (pause) Hey, where's Perry?

(scene switches to Perry's HQ with Major Monogram playing Jump N' Duck) Major Monogram: Oh, oh Agent P! How long have you been sitting there? Huh, guess I'd better get started. You received a weird message from Dr. Doofenshmirtz this morning, claiming that he will no longer seek to take over the Tri-State area. Then he used a very unusual method for conveying his message. Carl?

Carl: He wrote a letter by hand and put it in an envelope and sent it through the regular mail with a stamp and everything. Who does that? And it's scented. (smells envelope) Mmm, Milbank Nights. One of the better perfumes to come out of South Dakota.

Major Monogram: When an evil scientist sends preread letters wrongdoing can't be far behind. Dismissed Agent P! Carl, let me uh, smell that letter again, would ya?

(scene switches to Candace and Stacy walking down a street) Stacy: I don't know, Candace, you're just lucky that bat didn't bite you. I mean, what if it was a vampire bat?

Candace: Me, a vampire? Don't be silly, Stacy. It would be cool to have super strength though. And be able to fly.

Stacy: Yeah, but you'd never be able to see yourself in the mirror again. How would you put on your make-up?

(scene switches to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the platypus, didn't you get my letter? Oh, of course not, here I-I'll read it to you.

(Doofenshmirtz reads letter)

Doofenshmirtz: Dear Perry the Platypus, I know Major Monogram will ignore my letter and send you to stop me. That's why you are now trapped. Best wishes, your nemesis, Heinz. (finishes letter, talks to Perry) Come to think of it, it wouldn't of made much sense until now, it's probably good that you didn't get it earlier. It would have just been confusing, and I would have to be stuck with having to explain it to you. Speaking of stuck, you've landed on a square of the stickiest surface known to man. It's a tile from the floor of the Danville Multiplex. I discovered it when I went to go see that teen vampire movie. Loved it! And now... (closes window of machine) Behold, the Gimmelshtump-inator!

(sounds from Gimmelshtump-inator)

Doofenshmirtz: See, Perry the Platypus, I've been setting my sights too high, I think. Trying to subdue a modern city, I need to conquer a backward land where people are superstitious. That's why I'm going to turn the Tri-State area into a reasonable facsimile in Gimmelshtump. The buildings, the clothing, the more easily conquered backward mindset. Here's a sample, look.

(scene switches to Doofenshmirtz's bathroom)

Doofenshmirtz: My beautiful modern state of the art bathroom is changed into...

(the Gimmelshtump-inator shoots a ray at the bathroom changing the bathroom to a Gimmelshtump background)

Doofenshmirtz: A Gimmelshtumpian powder room. (scene switches to Dr. Doofenshmirtz) Ahh, that takes me back.

(scene switches to Candace and Stacy at the Flynn-Fletcher house) Candace: Well, I got to get home Stacy. Jeremy's supposed to drop off my MP3 player this afternoon on his way to work.

Stacy: Well, don't attack him, Ms. un-dead!

Candace: Right, as if. (talking to herself) Jeremy won't be here for another couple minutes. That gives me just enough to time to bust Phineas and Ferb.

(Candace opens gate door to backyard)

Candace: Okay, you guys are so... hey, they're not here. What's this? This stuff's way below they're usually bustable level. I wonder what they're doing out here with dad's old barbells. (Candace lifts barbells) Hey, I've never been able to... (gasps) Super strength. What if there really was a vampire bat? Candace, get a hold of yourself. I mean, it's not like I can fly. (Candace floats in air) Oh my gosh! Okay there's only one way to know for sure. A mirror. (Candace's reflection in the mirror disappears) Oh no, no reflection!

(scene switches to a "Two minutes earlier" sign)

Narrator Voice: Two minutes earlier...

(scene switches to Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, Buford and Irving in the backyard) Phineas: Okay Ferb, let's run through the list. To fulfill Isabella's request, we've rigged a super bright (lamp turns on) pro-light to inadvertent go on and off as Bambina needs it. (lamp turns off) Next, Baljeet's request to lift heavy objects accomplished by using gravity-counter acting barbells. Check.

Baljeet: I am so happy. I have just torn my roariltica.

Phineas: Buford's request to float in the air using levitation air jets in the lawn.

Buford: Now I can look down on everyone.

Phineas: Last up is Irving's request to be invisible. Accomplished with this mirror shape live video playback and effects screen.

Irving: Sweet!

(scene switches to a "Two and a half minutes later" sign)

Narrator Voice: Two and a half minutes later...

(scene switches back to Candace) Candace: Is it possible? Am I a vampire? (lamp turns on for Bambina) Candace: (screeches) The hideous light of the day star! (gasps) I am a vampire. I must hide myself! (runs inside house)

(scene switches to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.) Doofenshmirtz: Now, what's going to be the first part of the Tri-State Area (Perry tears the floor tile from the ground - his feet still attached - and jumps onto Doofenshmirtz in the Gimmelshtump-inator) to get the Gimmelshtump make over?

(fighting scene between Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry)

Doofenshmirtz: Ow ow ow ow. Oh ya, take that! (Perry's hat flies in air) Haha, oh let me go, not the fore, forhe-- (takes breath) I don't know if you noticed or not but I was boxing champion in my middle-school back in Gimmelshtump and I got a few moves in... (Perry punches him in the stomach. Doofenshmirtz falls in Inator then Perry jumps onto him)

(scene switches to Jeremy at Flynn house entrance) Jeremy: (knocks on door, then opens it) Candace? I brought your MP3 player with... (Candace screeches)

Candace: Don't look at me! I have to get away from you, Jeremy! For your own protection.

(Candace runs past Lawrence watching the horror movie with Jeremy following)

Jeremy: Oh, hey Mr. Fletcher.

(Lawrence waves back)

Jeremy: Oh Candace! Hey!

Candace: I have to find Phineas and Ferb! They'll know how to change me back.

Stacy: Did Candace just jump over that fence?

Jeremy: You had to take her to the vampire movie, didn't you?

(Song: "Vampire Song") It's not romantic or that cool,

To live forever more!

Or when you have to buy your undead things,

From Danville's one Goth store!

I'm a grim and lonely vampire teen,

Living in a brightly lit suburban dream.

I should sleep, sleep, sleep 'til the day is done,

But I'm a lost little vampire in the sun!

(scene switches to Dr. Doofenshmirtz's building with rays shot from the Gimmelshtump-inator) Doofenshmirtz: Quit it! Quit it! Quit it!

(scene switches to two guys on a street) 1st Guy: Yeah, my dad said I could drive it just as long as I didn't get a scratch on it.

(Candace runs past the guys - Gimmelshtump-inator turns the car into a horse)

1st Guy: Oh my dad's going to kill me!

2nd Guy: Why dude? It's not scratched.

(scene switches to Candace running inside Slushy Dog restaurant)

Candace: Jeremy!

Jeremy: Oh hey Candace! Did you come to pick up your MP3 player?

Candace: Huh, no-no! Have you seen my brothers?

Jeremy: Sure, yeah they were just here. They went home to look for you.

(Gimmelshtump-inator shoots ray at the Slushy Dog restaurant and other buildings around it)

Candace: Oh no, villagers! (runs out of Slushy Dog restaurant and screams)

Jeremy: (German accent) Vat about your music box mitt ze Tiny Cowboy?

(scene switches to a marathon and Gimmelshtump-inator shoots marathoners to angry villagers who chase Candace)

Candace: Oh no! More villagers! Gotta get home x4.

(Scene switches to Doofenshmirtz and Perry inside Gimmelshtump-inator) Doofenshmirtz: You don't stand a chance with that tile still stuck to your feet. (Perry jumps, and hits Doofenshmirt's knee and runs) Oh oh, my knee again, really?! (Doofenshmirtz chases after Perry. Perry comes behind a wall, forces one of his feet off the floor tile and uses it to trip Dr. Doofenshmirtz into a window) Wait wait wait! I need a bathroom break. I'll be right back. Okay? Don't do anything until I get back, okay? Don't touch a thing. I'll be right uhh... Ooohh. (Doofenshmirtz realizes his bathroom was changed into a pot and a light bulb, Perry jumps out of the Gimmelshtump-inator)

Doofenshmirtz: What was that?

(Perry activates the Inator to move forward and crash in the street and change everything Gimmelshtumpian style back to reality, Scene switches to Slushy Dog and other buildings changes back. Scene switches to the two guys with a car. The horse stands upright as the Inator changes it back into a car, though, standing upright, and the car flips over)

2nd Guy: Well now it's scratched.

(scene switches back to Doofenshmirtz in his bathroom) Doofenshmirtz: Curse you Perry the Plat... (Gimmelshtump-inator reverses his bathroom back to reality) Ohh, never mind!

(scene switches to Candace at the Flynn-Fletcher house entrance) Candace: Phineas, open the door! (knocks on door) Open the door, open the door. There's angry villagers out here. Open the door!

(Phineas opens door with Ferb)

Phineas: Hey Candace, what's wrong?

Candace: There's a bunch of villagers and they're after me.

Phineas: You mean those guys? (shows marathoners running) Candace, I think they'd preferred to be called marathoners. (scene switches back to Phineas) Why would marathoners be following anyone? Besides you know, three guys from Kenya.

Candace: Because I'm a vampire Phineas.

Phineas: What makes you think you're a vampire?

Candace: Well I can lift heavy objects and I can levitate and... and I can't see my reflection in the mirror.

Ferb: It sounds like a vampire to me.

Phineas: Woah, woah, woah, woah, come here Ferb, come here. I think I know what's going on here. Candace, when you discovered that you had these powers, were you in the backyard?

Candace: Yeah, why?

Phineas: Oh Candace that was just some stuff we made for our friends.(takes glasses off Candace) Your not a vampire, look I'll prove it. (takes hoodie off Candace) See? The sun has absolutely no affect on you.

(Candace turns to dust and blows away from the wind)

Phineas: Ferb, we're gonna need a dustpan and some glue.

End credits
(Song: "Vampire Song")

Or when you have to buy your undead things,

From Danville's one Goth store!

I'm a grim and lonely vampire teen,

Living in a brightly lit suburban dream.

I should sleep, sleep, sleep 'til the day is done,

But I'm a lost little vampire in the sun!