University Challenge

University Challenge is the fourth episode of the second series of Peep Show, and the tenth episode overall. Words in parentheses are the characters' internal monologues.

[Mark enters a shoe shop]

Mark: (Shoes. The boringest purchase. If only Sophie was here. We could horse around, try on flip-flops and spray suede protector about. Come on Mark, it's Sophie and Jeff now, and that's fine. It's not Armageddon. Come on man, relax, live a little. Could get brown brogues. Best stick to black. Don't want to go completely mental.)

''[An attractive young female shop assistant approaches Mark. Her name badge reads "April".]''

April: Can I help you?

Mark: Oh, yeah, thanks. Yes I'm after some shoes. Nothing too fancy. I did think brown brogues but you know, I don't want to look like a spiv. (Spiv? Of course, because this is 1942. Come on Mark, she's only a nice girl.)

April: Okay, well you better say which ones because, I don't like to recommend, because this time I recommended some shoes, and the person tried them on and they didn't look good. But I'd recommended them so I said they did and then they bought them and I felt bad. Sorry, you didn't need to know that.

Mark: No it's fine. So I was thinking black, size 8, but broad. I have a broad foot.

April: Yeah? Doesn't feel so broad. I mean, obviously you know how broad your feet are.

Mark: No it's fine I just thought they were broad. (Keep feeling my foot, please.)

April: Hey, if we were using ancient Egyptian measurements - which obviously we're not - I'd say it was about a fifth of a cubit, or one hand. Your foot's a hand. Sorry, that's the geekiest joke I've ever heard in my life.

Mark: No I thought it was funny. I like ancient Egypt too.

April: Okay well I'll get you a couple of pairs and see what you think.

Mark: (She knows about cubits, she's not comfortable in her own skin. She's one of me!)

[Jeremy and Super Hans exit a newsagents.]

Jeremy: So Hans, old issue I know but the band name, I mean I know it's a statement, obviously, but what does the statement mean?

[Hans has been fishing for something in his pocket, pulls out a big bar of chocolate and hands it to Jez]

Super Hans: Here you go, free munchies.

Jeremy: Did you just nick this?

Super Hans: Course I did. They should be paying me to eat this shit.

Jeremy: Wow. Free choco. Mmmm, tasty.

Super Hans: The secret ingredient is crime. So listen, Jez, about the band. You know Pete Preston's outfit The Executioner's Bong?

Jeremy: Yeah, bunch of wankers.

Super Hans: Exactly. Well, they've kind of asked me if I'd front them for a couple of gigs.

Jeremy: What?

Super Hans: Yeah, so obviously I'm gonna have to quit Coming Up For Blair. You can't be in two bands at once. Tom Petty tried that with the Heartbreakers and the Wilburrys. Nearly killed the fucking guy.

Jeremy: But what about me? None of this makes any sense Super Hans. Besides, you still owe me for the big computery thing we don't know how to work.

Super Hans: All right look. Maybe I can get you in, on maracas.

Jeremy: I won't be Bez. I wanna be in there on merit.

Super Hans: Don't think you'll make it in on merit.

Jeremy: Just get me in. Then we'll see about merit.

[Mark is back at the shoe shop, a couple of days later.]

Mark: (It's cool, I'm not a stalker. I thank shop girls for their advice with chocolates. I just happened to pop by a couple of days later to let her know I've broken them in. That's my line, there's no way they can prove otherwise.)

Mark: Excuse me.

Shop man: Yes sir?

Mark: I'm looking for someone who helped me, er... April. I'm a friend and-

Shop man: You're a friend of April's?

Mark: Yeah. What is this, the third degree?

Shop man: No it's just, well obviously, April's at university now.

Mark: Ah! Of course. Of course she is. We were talking about that last time I saw her. OK thanks. (Do a Columbo, do a Columbo!) Just remind me, which university was it April's gone to again?

Shop man: Dartmouth.

Mark: Dartmouth. Of course. Dartmouth. Thanks. (Good old Columbo. Just the one technique of course. Still, shits on Quincy.)

''[At the flat. Jez and Nancy sit at the kitchen table.]''

Jeremy: Yep! Going on tour baby. And the important thing is, I'm not Bez.

Nancy: Excellent baby! What's a Bez?

Jeremy: Oh, er, Bez in American. He's kind of like, um, you know Flavor Flav from Public Enemy?

Nancy: Mmm no.

Jeremy: Yeah. Well he's kind of like him, but with maracas.

Nancy: Right.

[Mark Enters.]

Nancy: Hey Mark, guess what? Jez is going on a nationwide music tour.

Jeremy: Playing three dates across the south coast, hundred quid a gig, you do the math.

Mark: -s. So what, you're all piling round in a van?

Jeremy: Actually, due to the fact of physics I'll be going by a National Express. I mean, you can't make a van any bigger than it is, no matter how much I - or anyone else - may wish it were a bit bigger. You do the math!

Mark: -s. Maths. Where you going?

Jeremy: Oh, all the biggies: Southampton, Dartmouth, Plymouth.

Nancy: Oh shit I wish I wasn't working. I'd love to see the English Riviera.

Mark: Dartmouth?

Jeremy: That's right. Playing at the very student union where we met.

Mark: Cool. (This isn't stalking. I want to see the band, support Jez.)

Mark: So, they good this band?

Jeremy: Buch of wankers.

Mark: Brilliant, well I'd love to come and see them then.

''[Mark and Jez sit on a National Express coach. Mark fiddles with the air nozzle.]''

Mark: Hey I bet you don't get these in the van. Air on, or off.

Jeremy: How long's it take again?

Mark: Just eight and three quarter hours.

Jeremy: Wicked. Thank God we're not in the van. God I can't believe we're going back to Darty. There's no quim likes to party...

Mark: ...like the quim down in Darty.

Jeremy: Ha ha ha ha.

Mark: Yeah those were the days. Did you ever appeal about your degree mark?

Jeremy: Who cares about that shit? I didn't go to university to get a degree.

Mark: No, of course. Anyway, no use regretting the past. I wish I'd done Ancient History but-

Jeremy: I thought you did do Ancient History?

Mark: I did Business Studies Jeremy. For three years. And I talked to you about it daily.

Jeremy: Right. (I could tell him that's all ancient history now. He probably wouldn't like that joke.) Oh well, that's all ancient history now!

[The coach pulls up alongside the van in which Super Hans and the band are travelling]

Mark: Ha ha ha. I'm going to razz those fuckers. Hey Mark look, it's Super Hans and the band.

[Jeremy calls Super Hans, but upon seeing that it is Jez calling, Super Hans cancels it.]

Voicemail: 

Jeremy: That guy. I love that guy, that is so funny.

''[Mark stands in the entrance hall of a campus building at Dartmouth University. A student walks past, laughing.]''

Mark: (You won't be laughing so hard when the loan repayments kick in, buddy. I suppose he can always defer. OK, it's showtime. What's the line? What's the line? Just swinging through town, thought I'd check what's hot at the arts fac! Yeah and after she's thrown up we can go for a pizza. Is that her? I think that's her.)

Mark: [Clears throat] Hello? Hi. Sorry. H- Hello? (Shit, shit where's she going? I'm not licensed to be in this far. I'm following her! Shit. What am I gonna do next, take secret photos and blow them up on my wall and lie masturbating in my own filth?)

April: Sorry, do I recognise you?

Mark: Er... the shoe shop? Black brogues? I thought I was broad-footed, you felt otherwise.

April: Wow! What the hell are you doing here? Sorry, you're obviously a student. You're doing history too?

Mark: Er, yeah.

April: Wow. Who's your tutor?

Mark: Professor... (Netball? Keyser Söze?) MacLeish.

April: Right, of course. You're here for the tutorial. Sorry. I'm a bit slow. They'll soon knock that out of me. Along with any individuality. not that I've got any.

[The door to MacLeish's study opens and MacLeish steps out.]

MacLeish: OK. Come on.

April: After you.

Mark: (Why am I walking into the jaws of death? The jaws of death are best avoided, that's common knowledge.)

MacLeish: Yes, so, here we are. Another exciting trawl down the vista of history. There is no new history, only new historians. Ha ha.

[MacLeish spots Mark and doesn't recognise him.]

MacLeish: Were you here last week?

Mark: Me? (This is my moment of madness. This is my Clapham Common.) No I'm new, I'm mature. I went to Coventry for a week, in error. Lovely. Totally destroyed in the war, obviously. But, there was a mix-up. I'm not on the forms but I'm, here now.

MacLeish: Well obviously. Fine. So, [unintelligible - name of book?] what did you make of it?

Mark: (Is that it? Is that how easy it is to steal some education? Bloody hell, who's in charge? The world's just people walking around, going into rooms and saying things. It's all a big swizzle.)

April: I- I thought there were some contradictions in the book. They seemed to suggest Christ Galilee was culturally Roman.

Mark: Not that old fallacy! But, the Romans didn't even station a legion in Galilee until, what, 130AD?

MacLeish: Yes, indeed.

Mark: But, I suppose all research funding leads to Rome.

MacLeish: What was your name again?

Mark: Corrigan. Mark Corrigan. (I'm doing it Dad! I'm studying ancient history, and there's not a thing you can do about it.)

[Jez is unloading the band's gear from the back of the van.]

Jeremy: (I'm pretty sure these aren't maracas. Still, I'll give them a hand. Not that I'm a roadie, I'm just helping out. I bet Ringo had to carry stuff, not that I'm Ringo. I'm nothing like Ringo.)

[A female student approaches Jeremy.]

Student: Are you in Executioner's Bong?

Jeremy: Sure am little lady.

Student: Would you sign this for me?

Jeremy: Fuck yeah.

Pete: Oi Jez, when you finish that could you run and get us six lattes?

Jeremy: That is so Pete. Fuck off Pete. It's just a little thing we have going. You've seen Spinal Tap yeah?

[Professor MacLeish's study, the tutorial is coming to a close.]

MacLeish: Good luck with this week's reading. Oh one tip - if you're going to plagiarise, try not to do it from a book I've written, something's bound to ring a bell. Mark, April, hold on a minute will you? Listen, I'm having one of my semi-legendary gatherings tonight for potential contributors to my little folly - Rhombus magazine. I wondered if you two might be able to make it.

April: Yeah.

Mark: Sure. (I'm being ushered into the inner ring. I knew there was an inner ring. I bet they make jokes about the Atkins diet and do prank calls to Gore Vidal in Esperanto!)

[Jeremy is in the student union bar with the studnet he was chatting to outside, and another student.]

Student: So, what do you play in the bong?

Jeremy: Me? Er, everything. I do everything. I just can't do it all at once, so I get the other guys to help. And then sometimes at a gig I'll just cool it with the maracas.

Other student: Oh yeah like Bez.

Jeremy: No not like Bez! Nothing like fucking Bez!

Student: Can I ask your advice? Because what I really want to do is set up a label for bands that can't get a deal anywhere else.. .

[Jeremy drifts off, not listening to the girl]

Jeremy: (Mmmm. Maybe she'll suck me off after the gig. What about Nancy? I love Nancy. What am I going to do when she starts trying to suck me off?)

Student: ...capitalist agendas that mess with everyone's heads and make everyone sound basically the same.

Jeremy: Sorry I better just say now, I've got a girlfriend.

''[Mark and April sit at another table in the union bar. Mark opens a bottle of champagne.]''

April: Wow! This is great but, aren't you gonna max out on your loan?

Mark: Fuck it. Just get another one. You can always defer. To university!

April: Yeah to university!

Mark: (Oh God she is just so lovely and she doesn't even realise it. Probably no one's ever told her. I should tell her. No, don't tell her. If she realises, I'm finished.)

[Jeremy approaches their table.]

Jeremy: Mark, you're here. You didn't say. You're here. So, how do you two know each other?

Mark: Oh let's not talk about that shit. This is what I do, I come from here. We're all people after all, with hands and feet.

April: We met in our tutorial.

Jeremy: You were in a tutorial?

Mark: Yeah well I know I party pretty hard but I do occasionally go to tutorials.

Jeremy: What?

Mark: Well I mean, you've got to go to tutorials if you're doing a history degree.

Jeremy: You're doing a history degree?

Mark: That's right Jeremy! He's in a band, I got a lift down with him. His hearing's gone! All the gigs.

Jeremy: So, how long are you gonna be down here for? Three years?

Mark: Well that's how long undergraduate degress are, last time I checked.

Jeremy: So that's it? You're not coming back?

Mark: Nope.

Jeremy: So, what shall I do? Rent out your room?

Mark: Well, of course rent out the room. We've been over this Jeremy.

Jeremy: Have we?

Mark: That's right Jeremy.

Jeremy: But, I don't understand...

Mark: Come on, let me get you a drink and I'll explain everything all over again.

[Mark and Jez are at the bar.]

Jeremy: You're stalking her?

Mark: No! It's a passionate, romantic gesture.

Jeremy: Right. Well I won't say a word. Good luck with the stalking.

Mark: I'm not stalking her.

[Pete Preston approaches Jez.]

Pete: Listen Jeremy can I have a word?

Jeremy: Er, yeah sure Pete. It's Pete from the band. Listen if it's about the amp I'll be happy to pay for any damage.

Pete: It's Super Hans. He's pissed a few of the guys off, nicked some booze and stolen a maraca.

Jeremy: Oh, I can work with just the one, I've seen it done.

Pete: No, see Jez, we need a kind of frontman, you know? Someone to hit a few keys on the sequencer, freak out, make a bit of a show. But would you feel weird about bumping Super Hans?

Jeremy: No. I mean, yeah. But no, yes, initially, but, I've thought about it and, no I'd feel fine.

Pete: All right, wicked.

[Mark is in Mr Rashid's shop, choosing a bottle of wine for the party.]

Mark: (How cheap dare I go? Professor MacLeish said party, it's gonna get jumbled in the common lot. I could risk breaking the two ninety-nine barrier!  Haha. There be monsters! I'll dump this and drink the communal lager. I think I know who's winning.)

[Mark holds up a bottle of £2.99 wine.]

Mark: You couldn't ask Mr Rashid if he's got anything cheaper than this could you?

[Shop assistant regards Mark, but does not respond.]

Student:  Ok. (Fair enough.)

Jeremy: Hey Mark, look. The've moved the bus stop. Our bloody bus stop's been moved.

Mark: Everything changes Jeremy. Five years ago I'd have cut of my right leg just to be able to speak to Professor MacLeish, now I'm going to his house for a party!

Jeremy: And I'm headlining a band.

Mr Rashid: Excuse me friend, can I see what you've got in your pocket there?

Jeremy: Why do you want to look- look, I'm not a student, I am a real person.

Mark: Mr Rashid don't be ridiculous, it's us remember? The El Dude brothers. You gave us that out-of-date hummus, Jez was really ill, and we laughed about it!

[Mr Rashid reaches into Jeremy's pocket and retrieves the chocolate bar that Jeremy hasn't paid for.]

Profesor Who the hell put that there?

[Mark and Jez are locked in Mr Rashid's store room.]

Jeremy: (I can't believe he called the police.) I've got to get out, I'm meant to be on stage any fucking minute!

Mark: What the hell were you thinking? Why didn't you just pay for it?

Jeremy: They should be paying us to eat that crap Mark. Stealing things just makes everything very cheap. Plus, you know how I feel about capitalism.

Mark: Yes, confused.

Jeremy: Look Mark, I'm supposed to be on stage right now. I was wondering, maybe you could somehow, take the rap for me. We could say I was in your thrall. Like Hindley.

Mark: No way Jeremy. Right now April's probably getting chatted up by some student who's also worked out she's got the magical combo of beauty and low self-esteem.

Jeremy: OK, OK, here's the plan - good cop, bad cop. I say I'm ill, Mr Rashid comes in all sympathetic, you stand there, hit him gently but firmly until he stops - not, moving - but, resisting. We exit post haste. Yeah?

Mark: We murder Mr Rashid. What is it with you and stealing and murdering today? You're mad on it!

[Jeremy finds a bit of metal tubing and starts wielding it.]

Jeremy: Right, come on let's just do it!

Mark: No Jeremy! There's procedures, forms, we need to go through the proper channels! All right, all right. Since you're so set on a life of crime, no pointing in adding criminal damage as well.

''[Mark unlatches and opens the window onto the street. They both exit through the window.]''

Jeremy: Woohoo. Great, cheer up mate. We're outlaws. Out on the lam. Like Bonnie and Clyde, Butch and Sundance.

Mark: I'm gonna leave a tenner and a note.

[Jez is at the box office, attempting to gain entry to the gig he is supposed to be fronting.]

Jeremy: Look, I don't need to buy a ticket, I'm in the band. I'm not a punter. I got waylaid, there's been a mix-up. I don't belong here with the shit-munchers. Do I look like a civilian? You are gonna be so embarrased in about five minutes.

[Jez reluctantly pays the entry fee.]

Jeremy: Excuse me! Sorry! I'm in the band! I'm in the band, excuse me, sorry, sorry. Excuse me, I'm in the band, I need to get up on the stage, I'm in the band!

[Jeremy spots Super Hans is on stage with the band.]

Jeremy: (Shit I was only half an hour late and he's already back in the band.) Oi, lads I'm- I'm here! Yeah it's me! I say, lads! Pete!

[The student Jez was chatting up earlier spots him on the dancefloor.]

Student: Hey! This faker said he was in the band.

Jeremy: I'm in the band all right. Yeah? I've just crossed the fourth wall.

[Super hans performs a stage dive into the audience.]

Jeremy: (Crowd-pleaser.)

[Spotting his chance, Jeremy jumps on stage and takes the mic.]

Jeremy: Let's do it, let's 'ave it! Let's have some more of it!

[Securty guard approaches him.]

Jeremy: Look, I'm in the band. You don't believe me. That's hilarious.

[Security guard grabs Jeremy by the groin.]

Jeremy: That's not hilarious becase that's my bollock. Yep, you've got my bollock. You're pulling on my bollock.

[Mark is at Professor MacLeish's party.]

Mark: I was like, yeah the book's based on good source material, unfortunately the source material appears to be Asterix The Gaul!

MacLeish: ha ha ha ha. So Mark I was wondering if you fancied doing a little piece for Rhombus? Five hundred words or so, kicking the shit out of Simon Schama.

Mark: Love to, I could lay into his whole accessible, interesting take on things. (To enter the elite I must shit on my heroes.)

MacLeish: Maybe it could become a regular column? Slaying the middle-brow sacred cows.

Mark: (I can pen insights from the safety of the flat. The Zorro of academia. Who is that masked intellectual who so pricks our pomposity? [Takes a sip of the wine he bought.] Ooh that's rough. Miscalculated. Dinner party. Still, if I drink the whole thing, no one need know.)

[MacLeish goes to pick up Mark's bottle of wine, Mark grabs it and stops him from taking it.]

MacLeish: Special bottle?

Mark: It's just, mine. I like to know how much I've drunk.

MacLeish: You driving?

Mark: No, I just like to know, in case anything happens. (He thinks I mean date rape.) Not, date rape. Other things. Hey April, come and join us, we were just talking about my column.

April: Cheers but I'm just gonna read Deirdre's play. Emily Dickinson and Virginia Woolf search for a lost Sappho manuscript on Lesbos. Do you think there could be a subtext?

Mark: Great ha ha! (Plays, wine, Lesbos, I've arrived. Just don't mention Bravo Two Zero.)

[Jeremy rings the doorbell, MacLeish answers.]

MacLeish: Hello?

Jeremy: Hello.

MacLeish: Do I know you?

Jeremy: No, I'm a friend of Mark's and I've just had all my dreams smashed by the most punctual electro-dub outfit in Britain.

Mark: (Bollocks! he shouldn't be here! There's limited room in the inner ring. That's why it's the inner ring.)

Jeremy: So, you all look pretty happy. Being students. Well, I've got news for you: the shitstorm is coming. That's the real world out there and let me tell you, baby, it is fucked.

MacLeish: Is, er, that what Dr Chomsky and Michael Moore have been telling you? In lieu of a degree?

Jeremy: I've got a degree my friend. Oh yeah. I was here in the glory years. Mid 90s. Britpop was kicking off, Four Weddings had just come out. It was mental.

MacLeish: Four Weddings?

Mark: It's a film, Alistair, very popular at the time. About weddings.

Jeremy: Oh come on, you have seen Four Weddings? You're trying to make out you're this oh so clever professor who hasn't got time to watch Four Weddings or Ghostbusters or whatever like the rest of us? Well, I'm not buying it.

MacLeish: All I can say is I spend my free time reading, rather than sitting around watching Ghostbusters.

Jeremy: And what exactly is the problem with Ghostbusters? Oh, oh, look how many books I've got. I must be clever. Yeah well let's have a look at some of these books, yeah? Let's see how really great they are.

Mark: Jeremy don't manhandle the books!

[Jeremy removes a book from the shelf and looks at it.]

Jeremy: Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser.

[He flicks to a random page in the book and starts to mockingly read from it.]

Jeremy: "The look on her face was one of disappointment." And that's good is it? What's good about that?

MacLeish: I don't actually care for Dreiser.

Jeremy: Oh. Oh I see. These are just rows and rows of books that you don't really like. What do you do all day, just sit around not reading them?

MacLeish: I think you've said enough, friend.

Mark: Look, Jez, why don't you go and lie down in the recovery position for a while.

Jeremy: Oh this is all bollocks Mark. You don't belong here with the pointy heads. Tell them! Go on, tell them.

Mark: Tell them what? That I'm a hard-working mature student?

Jeremy: He's not a mature student. He's been a loan manager for the last five years. He lives with me and he eats ready meals, and we play "Guess the Revels" and we watch Men In Black in front of our massive telly and we have a fucking good time.

MacLeish: Loan manager?

Mark: I- I manage my student loan! I manage, on it. April listen, I was thinking. I should really go, do you want to go, now, with me?

MacLeish: Oh don't go, we were all going to smoke a joint and read Logue's Homer. You can play Helen.

Mark: Or, I've got six quid, let's get a couple of bottles or Thunderbird, see who can drink theirs fastest.

[Mark and April arrive back at April's dorm room.]

April: So which one's your dorm?

Mark: Keyser Söze Hall. Do you know it? Very ugly, horribly ugly, it's for mature students. They try and lock us all away in case we infect you with our diligence and lust for knowledge. (OK, dangerously close to getting what I want. Feels a bit weird. Don't think about Sophie.) Love your room.

April: Thanks. It's your basic undergraduate lunge for individuality. I've not even seen Betty Blue. Have you?

Mark: Oh yeah. Great sex-and-suicide flick. Turned a whole generation of men onto girls with mental illness.

April: OK.

Mark: (Perfect. The kind of scenario that used to terrify me, but now I can totally handle. Just lean in, or pull her towards me and just simply- this is my chance! And I'm doing nothing, I am now, this instant, missing my chance.)

April: So, I might turn in.

Mark: Er, yeah, OK, right. I might go then. See you soon.

April: OK. Cool. See you.

[Mark leaves the room.]

Mark: (Oh well, I kept myself pure for Sophie. Yeah like nuns do for Christ.)

[Mark sees that Jeremy is sleeping in a sleeping bag in the hallway.]

Mark: (I'm not sleeping with him. Come on! She can only hurt me emotionally.)

[Mark knocks on April's door.]

Mark: Look, just now I- I wanted to make the move. And, I just wanna know if I make the move now, even though admittedly the moment has, sort of, gone. You're not gonna back away, or look disgusted or anything, are you?

[April shakes her head.]

Mark: Great. Thanks.

[They kiss.]

April: Just gonna go to the loo.

Mark: OK.

[Mark calls Sophie and leaves a message on her voicemail.]

Mark: Hi Sophie, it's Mark here, sorry to call so late. I just wanted to leave you a message to remind you to print out the proposal docs for the big meet tomorrow at 5pm. Anyway I'm just down in Dartmouth at the moment with a lovely young student girl, things are going pretty well. I just made the move which went brilliantly and so now we're probbaly gonna go to bed. Anyway see you tomorrow, bye.

[April comes out of the loo.]

April: Mark listen, I was just thinking. Don't get me wrong, I like you, I think I really like you.

Mark: And I really like you.

April: It's just, it's late, I've had a few wines. Can hardly focus on the bog roll, you know? Let's do this another night.

Mark: Another night? (That'd be fine, if I hadn't lied about evrything except my name.) No, it's got to be- it should be, tonight.

April: Yeah but we've both got to get up early. We're in Babylon at nine.

Mark: Let's, tonight. I really feel that the mood's right tonight.

April: We've got three more years. Let's just lie here and cuddle.

Mark: Oh, right. Nice cuddle.

''[Mark's phone rings. He answers it.]''

Mark: Hi. Oh, hello Sophie. Yes, I'm very sorry to have called you so late. I just thought you might have been interested in how things were going for me. But you're not.

[Next morning, Mark and April leave the halls.]

April: See you after the lecture.

Mark: Yeah, see you after the lecture. (At least I never had to watch her recoil at my scrotal scar.) [To Jeremy] She would have done it. Given another night or two, she definitely would have.

Jeremy: Yeah. So, another notch on the bedpost. Sort of.

Mark: (This is ok, this is just a moment that will haunt me forever.)