Heartbreakers


 * [rustling]
 * Pinkie Pie: Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!
 * [thud]
 * Twilight Sparkle and Spike: [laughing]
 * Applejack: Shucks, Twilight! Y'all done it up nice and cozy in here.
 * Twilight Sparkle: We're about to hang our Hearth's Warming dolls if you wanna join us.
 * Applejack: Oh, that's mighty sweet of you, but we're just stoppin' in to wish y'all a happy Hearth's Warmin' before we go.
 * Twilight Sparkle: I think it's sweet that your families are spending the holiday together.
 * Pinkie Pie: Picture the most fun-tacular thing you can think of. Now multiply that times infinity! Whoo! It's gonna be great!
 * [train whistle blowing]
 * Applejack: That's us. See you later!
 * Spike: Now can we open presents?
 * Applejack: But tonight is Hearth's Warming Eve. Everypony knows you don't open presents 'til tomorrow.
 * Twilight Sparkle: When Spike and I spent our first Hearth's Warming Eve together, he couldn't wait all night to open his presents! Ever since then, we've always opened them the night before!
 * Spike: It's kinda like our tradition!
 * Applejack: That's not how our family does it, and I reckon it can't be how Pinkie's does it. Is it?
 * Pinkie Pie: No sirree!
 * Twilight Sparkle: To each their own, I suppose.
 * [train whistle blowing]
 * Pinkie Pie: Agh! Gotta go, bye!
 * Spike: [straining]
 * [paper tearing]
 * Spike: Just what I always wanted! A book...




 * [train engine noises]
 * Porter Pony: Chancellor Puddinghead puddings! How 'bout a Windigo-frosted snow cone?
 * Applejack: It's so excitin'! Related or not, it's gonna be a hoot havin' our families together under one roof!
 * Pinkie Pie: Apples and Pies together again for the first time! Maybe. Unless we're related! Which maybe we're not. I think I just confused myself.
 * Applejack: Friends or family, this here's about togetherness.
 * Apple Bloom: [mouth full] Have you tried the Equestria flag crepes? The blue is blueberry! And don't tell Granny I saw, but her trunk is full of presents!
 * Applejack: Now hang on, sugarcube. You know Hearth's Warmin' isn't just about candy and presents, right?
 * Apple Bloom: Uh-oh. That's your boring sisterly lecture voice.
 * Granny Smith: [snoring in background]
 * Applejack: 'Fraid so! [clears throat] A long time ago, the Earth ponies, Pegasus ponies, and unicorn ponies weren't friends.
 * Pinkie Pie: [as unicorn pony] I don't like you! [as Pegasus pony] I don't like you either!
 * Applejack: But then, the icy chill of the Windigos almost iced up everythin'. So the ponies decided to work together, and their friendship drove them nasty critters away.
 * Pinkie Pie: [as Pegasus pony] Beat it, Windigos!
 * Applejack: Triumphant, they raised a new flag to celebrate all three tribes, and Equestria was born.
 * [biting sound]
 * Applejack: Uh, what happened to the flag?
 * Pinkie Pie: [chewing, with mouth full] I don't know... [swallows, licks]
 * Apple Bloom: Is that why we celebrate with a flag raisin' tomorrow?
 * Applejack: Mm-hmm! And tonight, we'll have the traditional Hearth's Warmin' Eve dinner to remember the shared bounties of our ancestors.
 * Pinkie Pie: We do that too!
 * Applejack: Then we'll hang our Hearth's Warmin' dolls over the fireplace to remind us of the warmth shared on that fateful night.
 * Pinkie Pie: That's what our family does too!
 * Applejack: And tomorrow, we open presents!
 * Pinkie Pie: Ah! We do that too!
 * Apple Bloom: Sounds like the Apples and the Pies do everything the same way!
 * Applejack and Pinkie Pie: [simultaneously] Of course! We might be related! Hey, I was gonna say that! Stop sayin' what I'm sayin'! You stop it first! [beat] [laughing]
 * [train whistle blows]
 * [train braking]
 * [train whistle blows]
 * Pinkie Pie: I'm so happy, I need to make up a new word for how happy I am. What about... "rooftastic"? [squee]
 * Applejack: "Rooftastic"?
 * Pinkie Pie: As in, I'm gonna stand on the roof and yell to everypony how rooftastic this is!
 * [thump]
 * Applejack: What if our families don't like each other?
 * Pinkie Pie: We are friends, Applejack, and after tonight, our families are gonna be friends too. Do you know what that means? Number of Apples times number of Pies is twenty four, minus my preexisting friendships plus one for Maud and you makes five from twenty four is... [deep breath] nineteen new friendships! Maud! [squeals]
 * Maud Pie: [deadpan] I'm so excited to see you, Pinkie Pie. You too, Applejack. I hope you had fun sledding yesterday.
 * Applejack: How'd you know that?
 * Maud Pie: [deadpan] Isn't it obvious? There are specks of extrusive andesite on your hoof. It's a mountain rock.
 * Granny Smith: [hushed] Oh, she's good.
 * Pinkie Pie: How's school going?
 * Maud Pie: [deadpan] If you thought quartz was high on the Mohs hardness scale, wait 'til I tell you about corundum.
 * Pinkie Pie: I missed you so much!
 * Apple family: Mm-hmm.


 * Applejack: This place looks amazin'!
 * Pinkie Pie: Come on, everypony! Meet my super-mega-fun-derful family! Everypony, meet everypony!
 * Igneous Rock: Surely thy name is not but Granny Smith. I am called Igneous Rock Pie, son of Feldspar Granite Pie.
 * Cloudy Quartz: Thou shalt know me as Cloudy Quartz.
 * Igneous Rock: May Providence favor thee well, and to thou comfort our humble homestead bring.
 * Granny Smith: Y'all gabbin' with words real funny-like. Wh-wh-what'd you say them names were? "Iggy"? And I'm just gonna call you "Big Mama Q"!
 * Limestone Pie: Gaze into the eyes of Limestone Pie. Ma and Pa may own this rock farm, but I keep it running. Cross me and—
 * Pinkie Pie: Aye aye, Captain Grumpy! No one's gonna mess with your precious mine!
 * Limestone Pie: Or Holder's Boulder!
 * Pinkie Pie: [sighs] Everypony stay away from Holder's Boulder. There, you happy now?
 * Applejack: And you must be—
 * Pinkie Pie: This is Marble Pie, my baby sister who's only a few minutes younger than me but she'll always be a baby to me, isn't that right? She's so excited to meet everypony! Oh, and she wishes you all a happy Hearth's Warming!
 * [beat]
 * Marble Pie: Mm-hmm.
 * Applejack: [hushed, to Apple Bloom] Guess Pinkie Pie always did the talkin' for her.
 * Apple Bloom: [giggles]
 * Pinkie Pie: [whistles] Attention!
 * Limestone Pie: What'd I say about the boulder?!
 * Pinkie Pie: I'll just be a second. Everypony get settled in! There's plenty of room upstairs. And then it's time for Hearth's Warming Eve dinner!
 * [confetti exploding]
 * Applejack: [hushed] So far, so good, cousin!
 * Pinkie Pie: Hee-hee!


 * [bed springs bouncing]
 * Apple Bloom: Oh, I can't wait to taste their fresh sweet rolls! They're my favorite part of Hearth's Warmin' Eve dinner.
 * Granny Smith: I'm more of a six-layer bean dip filly myself!
 * Apple Bloom: I love that too! Oh, Applejack, do you think theirs'll be even better than ours?
 * Applejack: Well, that's a mighty tall order, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least.
 * Pinkie Pie: Are you excited for dinner time? Because guess who is! Spoiler alert – it's me!
 * [soup pouring]
 * [splash]
 * Applejack: What about hot rolls and mulled cider and double-baked pot pie?
 * Granny Smith: Uh, what about six-layer bean dip?
 * Maud Pie: [deadpan] We have rock soup.
 * Pinkie Pie: Potato, po-tah-to. Double-baked pot pie, rock soup! Dinner is dinner. Am I right or am I right?
 * [beat]
 * Applejack: Yeah, um, you know what? This is what we were expectin'! Right, everypony?
 * Big McIntosh and Granny Smith: [uncertain noises]
 * Applejack: [laughs nervously]


 * Pinkie Pie: [slurping, exhales] Is everything all right, Applejack?
 * Applejack: O' course, I'm just being a rusty fiddle. Tune me up and let's get back to dinner. [slurping] [gag, coughs]
 * Pinkie Pie: More rock, please!
 * [soup pouring]
 * Pinkie Pie: Eat up, so we can get to our Hearth's Warming dolls!
 * Applejack: Now that's somethin' I know all about!


 * [picking noises]
 * Pinkie Pie: Who wants a Hearth's Warming doll?
 * Applejack: Are you sayin' that rock is a Hearth's Warmin' doll?
 * Pinkie Pie: Don't be silly, silly!
 * [picking noise]
 * [crumbling]
 * Pinkie Pie: Our dolls are these little pieces! Isn't that right, Marble Pie?
 * [beat]
 * Marble Pie: Mm-hmm.
 * [picking noises]
 * Apple Bloom: Our dolls are... rocks?
 * [snap]
 * [crunch]
 * Applejack: Uh... y'all don't have traditional crocheted dolls passed down in your family?
 * Pinkie Pie: Aww, you're just a frown factory because you got a weird rock. Cheer up! I'm sure you'll do great in the flag finding mission!
 * Applejack: The what findin' what now?


 * Pinkie Pie: Limestone Pie, you're the judge! Big Mac, Marble Pie, you're team one! Apple Bloom and Maud, you're team two! Ma, Pa, you're gonna be with Granny Smith. Don't think of it as team old. Think of it as team three! And I'm with Applejack of course, since we might be cousins!
 * Applejack: So now that we're all split up, mind tellin' us what we're doin'?
 * Pinkie Pie: As everypony knows—
 * Limestone Pie: Stay off Holder's Boulder!
 * Pinkie Pie: Sheesh. When the three tribes united to form Equestria, the first flag was sewn by Nimble Thimble. It's tradition to raise a flag on Hearth's Warming to celebrate that famous day.
 * Other ponies: [general agreement]
 * Pinkie Pie: But who gets to put the flag on Holder's Boulder?
 * Applejack: You mean on the flagpole?
 * Pinkie Pie: No, silly, it goes on the highest point! And who's the lucky pony?
 * Applejack: Traditionally, it's the youngest—
 * Pinkie Pie: [quickly] On your marks, get set, go!
 * Applejack: Pinkie Pie, will you please tell us what's goin' on?
 * Pinkie Pie: I'll explain on the way!
 * Applejack: [yelps]


 * Applejack: I still don't understand.
 * Pinkie Pie: Earlier today, Limestone Pie hid an obsidian stone. Whoever finds it gets to raise the flag!
 * Applejack: It's all just so... complicated, and... rock-based.
 * Pinkie Pie: Well, how else would we do it?
 * Applejack: I don't know. I sure hope everypony else is havin' a better time.


 * Marble Pie: Mm-hmm.
 * Big McIntosh: Eeyup.
 * Marble Pie: Mm-hmm.
 * Big McIntosh: Eeeeeeeeeyup.


 * Granny Smith: So, how'd you meet this Iggy feller?
 * Cloudy Quartz: We were chosen by the Pairing Stone and betrothed within a fortnight.
 * Igneous Rock: The choosing stone decreed, "Thou shalt love one another." And lo, it was so.
 * Granny Smith: Hoo-wee, I gots to look into this oldfangled choosin' stone thing. You reckon it knows any apple-farmin' hunks?
 * Igneous Rock: Indeed so.
 * Cloudy Quartz: [simultaneously] Mmm.


 * Apple Bloom: What does the rock look like?
 * Maud Pie: [deadpan] It looks like something that formed when volcanic lava cooled quickly.
 * Apple Bloom: Oh.
 * Maud Pie: [deadpan] Have you ever wished you could turn into a rock?
 * Apple Bloom: I had a dream once I was an apple.
 * Maud Pie: [deadpan] We have a lot in common when it comes to thinking about turning into things.


 * Pinkie Pie: Found it, found it, found it!
 * Applejack: A picture? I've been lookin' for a real stone, Pinkie Pie!
 * Pinkie Pie: Um, that would be weird. Do you know what this means? I get to raise the flag, and now it's time to hide the presents!
 * Applejack: Y'all hide your presents?
 * Pinkie Pie: Of course! What's more fun than getting a present? Finding a present! Although, most years, nopony finds one.
 * Applejack: So nopony gets presents?
 * Pinkie Pie: Eh, not usually.
 * Applejack: So lemme get all this straight. You're only allowed to eat rock soup for dinner, then the pony who finds this rock gets to raise the flag, but not really 'cause you don't got no flagpole, and to top it off, you don't even get presents?!
 * Pinkie Pie: Well, it doesn't sound very fun when you say it that way.
 * Applejack: Well, how 'bout you picture this? Both our families, openin' presents, raisin' the flag...?
 * Pinkie Pie: Picturing it... Loving it...!


 * Pinkie Pie: Goodnight, everypony!
 * Applejack: Goodnight, Pinkie Pie! [hushed] We've gotta do somethin', y'all! Pinkie Pie's family never had a real Hearth's Warmin'!
 * Granny Smith: Is that really what she said?
 * Applejack: Well, I-I'm sure it's what she meant.
 * Apple Bloom: These are their traditions.
 * Big McIntosh: Eeyup.
 * Applejack: [sighs] I know they have their traditions and we have ours, but I just want them to see how much better theirs could be.


 * [rooster crows]
 * Pinkie Pie: Hearth's Warming!
 * [thump]
 * Pinkie Pie: Hearth's Warming, Hearth's Warming! Hearth's Warming, Hearth's Warming! Hearth's Warming, Hearth's— [strangles out]
 * Igneous Rock: Oh, my. Oh, my.
 * Limestone Pie: What. Happened. To. My. Farm!
 * Applejack: It's Hearth's Warmin', Apple-style! We've been doin' everythin' your way, I thought we could mix it up a bit! Marble Pie, you could raise the Equestria flag up this pole, because you're the youngest Pie! Ma and Pa Pie, we'll cook you up a meal you'll never forget! And look, we all get presents without havin' to find 'em!
 * Pinkie Pie: ...Yeah, this is gonna be great! All the stuff she's said. Right, everypony?
 * Igneous Rock: Pinkamena Diane Pie! Truly thou cannot favor this madness!
 * Pinkie Pie: Well, I wanna be one big family!
 * Limestone Pie: But what about what we usually do?!
 * Pinkie Pie: I, um, well, I-I don't know! [tearing up] Don't make me choose!
 * Applejack: I didn't mean to cause a fuss... Why don't we just open presents around the flag pole? It'll be fun, you'll see!
 * Maud Pie: Excuse me. You planted your pole on a fault line.
 * [rumbling, cracking, thud]
 * Limestone Pie: Nooooooooooooooo!
 * [crunch]
 * Applejack: Oh, boy.


 * [bell ringing]
 * Pinkie Pie: You didn't have to ask them to leave!
 * Limestone Pie: They wanted to go! We don't need anypony forcing their way into our family!
 * Pinkie Pie: This was all a misunderstanding, everypony! I know Applejack, and she'd never do anything bad to anypony!
 * Limestone Pie: Look around, Pinkie Pie! It's gonna take me ages to get this rock farm back on track! And how are we gonna lift Holder's Boulder?! This is all her fault!
 * Pinkie Pie: Then it's my fault too...


 * [thud]
 * Granny Smith: Prob'ly best if we head back to Sweet Apple Acres. Maybe in time we'll be friends again, but for the now it's best if we give them a little space.
 * Apple Bloom: I wish we didn't have to. I really like Maud. She's sweet once you get to know her. They all are. Worst Hearth's Warmin' ever.
 * Granny Smith: Eh, has anypony seen Applejack?


 * Applejack: [sniffling] I really cracked the corn this time.
 * Pinkie Pie: [sniffling] I really popped the piñata this time.
 * Applejack: Pinkie Pie?
 * Pinkie Pie: [yelps] What are you doing here?
 * Applejack: What are you doin' here?
 * Applejack and Pinkie Pie: [simultaneously] I came here to think! You did? So did I! [laughing] Aww.
 * Applejack: I'm too ashamed to go back up there. Your family, my family, they all must think I'm such a nincompoop.
 * Pinkie Pie: Aw, no one thinks that! Pushy, aggressive, mean... Oh, I'm not helping. Sorry.
 * Applejack: I'm sorry I forced my traditions over yours. I don't want you to have to choose between the family you were born into and the friends who love you like one. I really hoped we could be one big happy family. I guess not.
 * Pinkie Pie: Don't say that!
 * [train whistle blows]
 * Applejack: I wish I could stay, but I have a train to catch.
 * Pinkie Pie: [crying] H-Ha... Happy Hearth's Warming.
 * Applejack: [tearing up] You too.


 * [train noises]
 * Granny Smith: You want to know why Holder's Boulder's so danged important? [exhales] Well, now their great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather Holder Cobblestone – he found that boulder in a dragon's nest, older than time itself! He built the family farm around it, even though it was just an ordinary rock. It always brought them good luck.
 * Applejack: Aw, crickets! That is important! I got so caught up in the things they were doin', I never asked why they did 'em!
 * [smack]
 * Applejack: [reading] To Applejack, from Pinkie Pie. Cousins forever.
 * Apple Bloom: You just found your first Pie Hearth's Warmin' present ever!
 * Applejack: [laughing] Only Pinkie Pie could hide a present on a movin' train. ...What a great tradition. [beat] Stop the train!


 * Pie family: [straining]
 * Pinkie Pie: [straining] Come on... you... boulder, come on... agh!
 * Maud Pie: [deadpan] I'm pushing as hard as I can too.
 * Pie family: [straining]
 * Limestone Pie: Rrrgh, it's hopeless!
 * Applejack: Need a little help?
 * Pinkie Pie: [gasps] Apples!
 * Limestone Pie: What do you want?!
 * Applejack: I wasn't tryin' to take your traditions away, I was tryin' to share ours. I was so focused on us bein' one big happy family, I thought we needed the same traditions right away. What I should've done was learn about yours and teach you about ours. And over time, we'd make new traditions together. I'm sorry, y'all.
 * [beat]
 * Limestone Pie: Well, don't just stand there! We got a boulder to move! And I'm in charge.
 * Apple family and Pie family: [straining]
 * Pinkie Pie: I think we've just invented our first combined tradition! Pushing Holder's Boulder out of the quarry! [squeals] I can't wait for Applejack to knock it over next Hearth's Warming!
 * Apple family and Pie family: [laughing]


 * Apple Bloom: [swallows]
 * Pinkie Pie: Marble Pie, you want to wish Big Mac a happy Hearth's Warming, don't you! And you too, right, Big Mac?
 * Marble Pie: Mm-hmm!
 * Big McIntosh: [short giggle] Eeyup.
 * Granny Smith: Eh, lemme see here, uh... 'If thou ask-eth me, uh, thou two art, eh, okay-eth in my book'.
 * Igneous Rock: 'Yee-haw'.
 * [paper ripping]
 * Pinkie Pie: Happy Hearth's Warming!
 * Applejack: Happy Hearth's Warmin', Pinkie Pie.
 * Apple Bloom: Attention, everypony! Maud wants to sing some Hearth's Warmin' carols that she wrote!
 * Apple family and Pie family: [various cheers]
 * Maud Pie: [deadpan] The first one is about rocks. They're all about rocks. [reading, deadpan] Hearth's Warming is great. Like calcium silicate. What a wonderful day. As good as mica or clay.


 * [carol-type music plays over credits]