Anchor Cow

The Beginning
(The scene begins with Hilly Burford reporting) (Hilly Burford looks behind him and starts running for his life but gets crushed in the process) (A few minutes later, the producer comes in as the ambulance take Hilly off)
 * Hilly Burford: Hey, everybody. Hilly Burford here with live breaking news. The mysterious appearance of a ginormous cheese curd is blowing everybody's mind. I mean that one humongous curd.
 * Pip: Congradulations, Otis.
 * Abby: Yeah, your cheese curd famous.
 * Timmy Turner: It's got to be the biggest on yet.
 * Lynn: It's already broke at least 3 dairy base records.
 * Winnie the Pooh: I wonder if we can eat it.
 * Rabbit: How could think of food at a time like this?
 * Winnie the Pooh: I practice.
 * Pig: I can't believe you got Hilly Burford to cover your story.
 * Otis: I know the guy's a legend. But the camera angle on the curd is all wrong. I'm gonna move it.
 * Mickey Mouse: Are you sure that's a good idea?
 * Sci-Twi: Yeah, if you adjust it to much it could collapse.
 * Otis: Don't worry guys. I got this. (tiptoes to the curd and slightly moves it, but suddenly it starts to roll) Oh that's not good.
 * Eeyore: To make the story short, uh oh.
 * Hilly Burford: This just in: My bones are crushed.
 * Goofy: That curd just crush Hilly.
 * Piglet: Oh dear.
 * Tigger: Uh oh.
 * Otis: Hilly, I'm sorry. I-I-I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I just wanted people to know about the curd.
 * Hilly Burford: Are you a news man too?
 * Otis: Sure, let's go with that.
 * Hilly Burford: You got to cover this story kid. Don't let my bone crushing injury be in vain. Don't let--(spazzes)
 * Cosmo: I think he's dead.
 * Human Rarity: No wait, I see moment in his arm. (Hilly spazzes again) Ok, now he's dead.
 * Sunset Shimmer: Either way, we got to finish this story.
 * Otis: Agreed.
 * Mickey Mouse: We gotta come up with something to fix this.
 * Lincoln: Already did. Guys, huddle up. (They Huddle up with Lincoln)
 * Producer: Well, this is great. Unless we find another reporter in the six seconds, this story's dead.
 * Otis: (as a reporter) Did someone say reporter?
 * Producer: I don't know who you are but you got the job. We are live in 5...4...3...
 * Otis: Action reporter, Gil O'Malley, here at the scene of a devastating tragedy. Moments ago, beloved icon, Hilly Burford, was horribly injured by this giant curd, which, I might add this is the most awesome cheese product I have ever scene. I'm here with 2 eye witnesess to this incident: this baby and this tiny man. What did you see, tiny?
 * Pip: It was awful. He was all like..(imatates skipping) and the curd was like..(growls) and he was like..(acting in pain) And that's the bone breaking.
 * Otis: Well acted tiny. And you young baby child, what did you think this horrible injury?
 * Lily: (gibbers)
 * Otis: Gibberish but informative. For more on this developing story, we turn to cheeseologists, Dr. Snot McHugebut and Dr. William Snackbear. Their names is what they have. What happen here doctors?
 * Pig: Well, it's hard to say. We have to taste to be sure. (both him and Pooh tastes a piece) I have no idea..
 * Winnie the Pooh: But this would be really good with some crackers and honey.
 * Otis: There you have it, a classic story of man vs curd. If you see one of these noble creatures in the wild, do not startle it or you may become the victim of: The Magnifcent, Record Breaking, Cheese Curd of Doom! This has been Gil O'Malley reporting for Gil O'Malley saying I'm Gil O'Malley.
 * Producer: Cut! Cut! Cut! SIr, that was the most innaproaritate, over the top, scaremongering of reporting I have ever seen.
 * Otis: So, you liked it?
 * Producer: I loved it! How'd you like to anchor the evening news while Hilly's out?
 * Otis: What? Hilly's a news god. I couldn't possibly fill in for him.
 * Producer: Then we have to cancel his show.
 * Otis: I'll do it. Can I bring my crack news team?
 * Producer: Are they loud, hard hitting, and in your face?
 * Otis: Are you kidding? THEY'RE ANIMALS!!!!

The Middle
(Suddenly show Bigfoot going angry at photographers)
 * Announcer: Action Team News with Gil O Malley, Melanie Hayseed, Weather Man, Sunny Cakebaker and some other people. And now, here's Gil O Malley.
 * Otis: Hello, everybody, I'm Gil O Malley and here's tonight's news IN OUR FACE! Tonight's story: Crop of Shame! Local Farmer, Clem Bibblebum brought his entire crop of arugula market and only to find out that..NOBODY LIKE ARUGULA!!! Turns out it's bitter and pokes your mouth. We'll have more on this fast breaking story as I make it up. Melanie?
 * Abby: Thanks Gil. Folks authorities are on the lookout for suspected cow tipper. If spotted, approach with extreme caution. Then when he's not looking, take him down with flying hammerlock, then give him a bombay monkey, then a spinning scissor kick, like this. (kicks Otis to a wall)
 * Otis: And let's go to Sunny Cakebaker at the weather desk.
 * Pig: Hi, folks. I don't know how to work the big weather map, so I going to do the 5 day forecast...on my belly. Temperatures will drop as a cold front comes down from my armpits.(laughs) Whoo, that tickles. And it hits a high pressure systems just above my belly button and shakes my love handles around like this. (shakes his belly)
 * Otis: Gil O' Malley reporting live as weather man, Sunny Cakebaker disgust the viewing audience.
 * Pig: Uh oh. I sense a wind moving adversing down from the south.
 * Otis: Repulsive yet informative. We go now to Trendisa at Trends for Friends
 * Human Rarity: Thank you, Gil. Now for this week's most essential forecast: trends, featuring me, Trendisa, your on-trend friend. As always, I look to Prim Hemline's style guide for inspiration. [sighs] Which I have memorized, so, uh... the latest trend simply has to be, uh... Don't panic, Rarity. You once made a skirt out of slap bracelets. You can find inspiration anywhere! (looks around and sees Rainbow Dash) The latest trend has to be... rainbows! Sherbets, sprinkles, or rainbow hair – it's all in!
 * Human Rainbow Dash: Well, duh!
 * Otis: Trending, colorful and target for crazy leprechauns to hide their gold. Back to you, Melanie.
 * Abby: Now it's time for everybody's favorite entertainment reporters, Jack Saucy and Maya Razzi.
 * Scruffy: Hi, I'm Maya Razzi.
 * Pip: And I'm Jack Saucy with a report. Whose been spotted around town with pop sensation, Jessica Allspice?
 * Scruffy: Our sources say, it's Bigfoot. This footage was taken mere moments ago.
 * Pip: Bigfoot later apologize sighting stress and the fact that he's a ape man. And that's your saucy report.
 * Scruffy: Tune in next as I get the scoop on newest movies. So stay saucy. Back to you, Melanie.
 * Abby: Now, time for Greatest Fails and Falls with Fanana Banana.
 * Luan: Thanks, Melanie. Now here some great moments and their not so great moments that'll get your bones laughing.

(Shows a montage of the of fails, falls, injuries, but mostly Cosmo and Peck getting hurt) (At the fields) (Everyone comes back from the show) (The producer comes in) (Everyone agrees)
 * Luan: That's it for today. Tune in next time, as this idiot tries to make paint dry faster. Back to you Gil.
 * Otis: This just in, Investigative news man, Gil O' Malley will check on our roving reporters in the field. Let's go live. LIVE I SAY!!!!
 * Peck: Thanks Gil. We're coming to you from an actual field with our report.
 * Freddy: It may seem quiet and still in field. And that's because...it is.
 * Peck: Yes, uh, nothing much happening really but when it does, you can bet we'll---(A giant meteor falls on Freddy and Peck)
 * Freddy: Ow.
 * Eeyore: What happened?
 * Wanda: Cosmo, I thought you said this was a regular field.
 * Cosmo: No, I thought you want something to happen at a regular field. So I made a meteor fall.
 * Human Fluttershy: Um, back to you at the studio, Gil.
 * Otis: We'll have more on the story as their bone knit. And now, The Angry Minute with Bessie.
 * Bessie: Thanks moron. You ever watch TV that so bad it makes your ears bleed? Maybe you're having one of those moments right now. Face it, this show stinks.
 * Otis: Gil O' Malley here with point counter point. This show does not stink!
 * Bessie: Does so.
 * Otis: Does not.
 * Bessie: Does so.
 * Otis: You smell.
 * Bessie: No, you smell.
 * Otis: I do a little bit. Back to you Melanie.
 * Abby: Well that's all the time we have. I'm Melanie Hayseed.
 * Otis: And I'm, previously stated, Gil O' Why Are You Hunkable Malley.
 * Both: Stay sassy, Farmland.
 * Otis: Hey, I was suppose to say that.
 * Abby: No, that was mine line.
 * Otis: I made it up.
 * Abby: No, I made it up.
 * Otis: Why don't you go punch something?
 * Cameraman: And...we're out.
 * Winnie the Pooh: We did it.
 * Human Pinkie Pie: We we're awesome.
 * Otis: Weird show, everyone. And the best part of it is..we saved Hilly's job.
 * Producer: Congradulations, the phones are ringing off the hook! You're a smash hit! (suddenly his phone rings) Hold on! Gotta take this! Yello?
 * Hilly Burford:Hey, Don, breaking news! The doctor says my brain is healing like. I can be back at work tomorrow.
 * Producer: Yeah, sorry Hilly, there's a new news team in town. You're through.
 * Hilly Burford:Hey! What! Hey! Wow!
 * Producer: Hilly, we've been friends for years,but it's over. Hang up the phone! How would you like to do the news on a permanent basis?
 * Otis: Permanent?....Basis?
 * Producer: Temporarily of course.
 * Otis: We can't do that, I mean Hilly's a news legend.
 * Hilly Burford: I still am a news legend. Hey, wait a minute, why am I--
 * Otis: Hang up the phone!
 * Procuder: Hilly, get off the phone! Hang it up, Hilly! Look, if you won't take the jig, there's plenty of wacky newsmen who will.
 * Wacky newsman: This just in, I have poopy pants. (laughs)
 * Otis: All right. We'll do it.
 * Producer: Great, now go get me a story. (leaves)
 * Rabbit: We can't accepted this job.
 * Human Applejack: Hilly worked hard for this jig.
 * Otis: We're not stealing his job, I have a plan that'll make Hilly more popular than ever.
 * Lucy: Could you at least tell us what the plan is?
 * Otis: Not enough time for this episode. TO THE NEWS VAN!!!!

The Ending
(The scene changes to Hilly dancing for money at the county's dam) (Flashback to Pig losing a fight to a donkey and people throws nickels) (The scooter crash into the dam) (Suddenly the dam start to crack and started leaking water) (Later that night) (Everyone agrees) THE END!
 * Hilly Burford: A shiny button! Thanks, lady! (kept dancing)
 * Pip: Look there he is.
 * Rabbit: Oh, dear. Mercy me.
 * Piglet: Oh dear. Mercy me too.
 * Abby: Poor, Hilly. Dancing for torist money at the down dam.
 * Otis: Well that is the worst thing I ever seen. One day, you're on top of the news world; the next day hopping around for nickels.
 * Pig: Believe me, there are worst thing you can you for nickels.
 * Eeyore: Like what?
 * Lisa: Research shows the worse thing you could do for nickels is donkey boxing.
 * Pig: (sobs)
 * Human Fluttershy: Oh my.
 * Otis: Focus, people. It's time to put, Operation Make Hilly a Hero into Action. (Later that Day, Hilly still dancing for money at the county's dam)
 * Otis: Ready on camera, Pig?
 * Pig: You bet.
 * Otis: Ok, ladies. Let's make some news.
 * Leni: Got it.
 * Abby: Just some average ladies just walking with a big purse.
 * Timmy Turner: That's the signal. (Him and Freddy comes in as burglars on a scooter and tries to take their purses)
 * Freddy: Give us those purses!
 * Leni: Let go!
 * Timmy Turner: You let go!
 * Abby: Purse Snatchers! Help! Help!
 * Hilly Burford: Purse Snacther? I save ya ladies. (did some moves but his pants fell down) Hey, my pants fell down. Isn't that wild?
 * Piglet: What happened?
 * Otis: He must have toned his body with all that dancing.
 * Spike the Dog: This isn't good.
 * Hilly Burford: Hey, anyone got a belt? Maybe some rope.
 * Abby: Still need help over here. Anybody please, won't somebody---Oh forget it. (lets go)
 * Timmy Turner: Freddy, look out!
 * Human Applejack: Well, at least the dam still in one piece.
 * Luna: You were saying.
 * Pip: Otis, the dam's about to burst!
 * Rabbit: The entire city will be flooded.
 * Lincoln: We have to go live and warn everyone!
 * Otis: Yes, we could go on or we could have a real newsman do it.
 * Hilly Burford: Hey, anybody know a good tailor?
 * Otis: Hilly, the dam's gonna burst! You need to tell the people!
 * Hilly Burford: The dam!?! I can't do it, young fella. I'm been out of the game to long.
 * Otis: Listen to me, Hilly.
 * Hilly Burford:  I can't do it.
 * Otis: Listen to me!
 * Hilly Burford:  Ok.
 * Otis: You still got the stuff.
 * Hilly Burford:  The stuff.
 * Otis: You're not some pantless, nickel-dancing, loser.
 * Hilly Burford: Pantless, nickel-dancing, loser, no!
 * Otis: The tuffted quaf, the glassy eyes, the leathery skin.
 * Hilly Burford: That's me!
 * Otis: You're a news man!
 * Hilly Burford: Yes! Gimmie that mic! Let's light this candle! Make-up girl,pancake me! Pink guy, point that camera at me. We're live in 5...5...9...7! Good evening, Hilly Burford live on the scene what appears to be pandemonium. The town dam, once considered unburstable, is apparently extremely burstable! Placing us all in terrible danger.
 * Human Fluttershy: Uh, maybe should get going.
 * Otis: No, keep shooting.
 * Spike the Dog: I really hope you know what you're doing.
 * Hilly Burford:  Sweet tube socks, this is gonna blow! Fortunately, a good reporter always carries a economy size of dam selant. (swings on wire and seals up the cracks) And now for tonight's winning lottery numbers: 17,18,19,20, 2-hey wow they're right in the row aren't they?
 * Producer: Now that's a news man. You're all fired!
 * Mickey Mouse: We can live with that.
 * Producer: Hilly! Hilly, it's Don.
 * Hilly Burford:  Oh hey, Don!
 * Producer: How'd you like your old job back?
 * Hilly Burford:  You mean it? Shibbety, cha-cha, hi-five! (but accidentally lets go of the rope and falls)
 * Piglet: That's gotta hurt.
 * Human Pinkie Pie: Now's he's gotta be dead.
 * Lana: (looks) No wait, he's alive.
 * Hilly Burford:  (in a body cast and on TV) But the mayor had no comment. On the lighter side, of the news...
 * Otis: Well is sure is nice to have Hilly back
 * Bessie: Hey, wide-loaf. can we please get this stupid cheese curd out of here?
 * Otis: Oh, ok I got it. (him and Pig pushes it away) Well that should do it. Come on guys. Let's go home.
 * Sunset Shimmer: Are you sure we should let roll by itself like that?
 * Wanda: Yeah, what if it crushes someone else?
 * Rabbit: Oh, fiddlesticks and nonsense. What are the odds of that happening again?
 * Lisa: 3000 to 1.
 * Rabbit: See. There's nothing to worry about.
 * Hilly Burford: And adorable puppies saved by the power of love. (hears a rumbling sound) Hey, what's that rumbling? This is not good. (getting creamed again) Wow.