Sidekicked to the Curb

Narrator: At a shoe store in the heart of the city, we join a crime already in progress.

(Scene: A shoe store. Amazing Rope Guy and the Whammer are there, along with the clerk.)

Shoe Clerk: (sigh) Great. A robbery.

Amazing Rope Guy: That’s right! Money and shoes in the bag!

Shoe Clerk: Hold on. Let me get the manager.

Amazing Rope Guy: That won’t be necessary! Prepare mortal, to face the Amazing Rope Guy! (He swings a lasso)

Whammer: And his new sidekick, Whammer! (He prepares to wham.)

Amazing Rope Guy: No, Whammer!

(Whammer pounds his fists together. The vibrations from the wham knock Rope Guy away, and he gets tangled up on something and ends up hanging upside down with his own rope wrapped around him.)

Amazing Rope Guy: Yeah um, I don’t know how to say this-- this isn’t working out.

Whammer: What? What do you mean? We totally whammed it!

Amazing Rope Guy: Sorry, you’re a terrible sidekick, it’s not your fault. You’re fired.

Whammer: Whammer thanks you for the opportunity. Good luck in all your future projects. (walks away)

Amazing Rope Guy: Hey, Whammer? Can you-- can you help me out here?

(Whammer walks down the street, dejected. He walks past a store with TVs in the window, broadcasting.)

Whammer: The Whammer just messed up another job.

(The Coach comes on the broadcast.)

Coach: Have you just messed up another job? Are you tired of being the sidekick? Someone else’s assistant?

Whammer: (watching the broadcast) Yeah.

Coach: Do you want to be your own boss? Take your career to the next level?

Whammer: Yeah! Wham the next level!

Coach: Well, what are you waiting for?

Whammer: I don’t know!

Coach: Come see the Coach!

Whammer: I will!

Coach: Right now!

Whammer: Okay!

(Scene: At the Coach’s office. The Whammer is sitting down in front of a podium, with the Coach standing behind it listening to him.)

Whammer: Oh, I don’t know… I just don’t feel so whammer, you know? Just not sure I wanna be a sidekick anymore. I think I wanna--

Coach: --Be your own boss!

Whammer: Yeah!

Coach: Well, you’ve come to the right place! My job is to  motivate  you! To-- inspire you! To take action and to get what you want out of life!

Whammer:  Motivate ? That sounds totally whammer, yeah!

Coach: Now, this is a big change here, so we’re gonna take it step by step. Step one: What’s something you’ll want-- right now?

Whammer: Orange juice.

Coach: Great! Now, take the first step toward achieving your dreams. Go out and get some orange juice!

Whammer: Wham!

Coach: Get  motivate d! You have the power to be it and do it!

Whammer: Wham!

(The Coach climbs over the podium, revealing that he is extremely short.)

Coach and Whammer: Whammm!

Narrator: Meanwhile, at the tranquil suburban home of Becky Botsford…

(Scene: The Botsford house. Inside, Becky and TJ are fighting over the remote.)

TJ: I wanna watch Robots, Robots, Robots!

Becky: But Robots is a repeat!

TJ: So? It’s a great episode!

Becky: Yeah, it is! But I need to watch the Pretty Princess Magical Princess and Sparkling Pony Hour! It’s the  finale !

Ms. Botsford: Alright, that’s enough. Now TJ, I believe you got to pick yesterday, is that right?

TJ: Yeah, but--

Ms. Botsford: Yuh-bup-bup! Then Becky gets to decide what to watch today.

Becky: Pretty Princess!

TJ: Yugh!

(They both sit down, and Becky turns on the TV. An announcer comes on the air.)

Stu Brisket: We interrupt this program to bring you a special report. Trouble at the grocery store! (He holds the mic up to the grocery store manager.)

Grocery Store Manager: There was a loud wham, and now all of our orange juice is missing! This is horrible!

Becky: Ugh! I got to go. (She hands the remote to TJ.) I forgot about my… uh, kite flying practice. (She walks off.)

TJ: Huh! Pretty Princess! What a joke! Yuck! Nothing but dresses and jewelry--

(TJ starts to watch, and his eyes grow wide.)

TJ: --and ooh, is that a dragon? TJ like!

(Scene: Back at the Coach’s office. Whammer sets down a pallet of orange juice containers.)

Whammer: Yeah! The Whammers whams step one!

Coach: All RIGHT! How’d it feel?

Whammer: Totally whammer! Yeah!

Coach: That’s what I like to hear! (pause) “Whammer” means good, right?

Whammer: Yeah! Whammer! Check this out-- the Whammer stole this orange juice all on his own! Yeah!

Coach: Well, that is so-- (pause) Hold on. You stole the orange juice?

Whammer: Yeah! Whammer’s a criminal! Yeah!

Coach: Really? I just assumed you were a professional wrestler!

Whammer: No way! The Whammer does two things-- whams, and steals stuff! And whams.

Coach: (thinking to himself) He’ll steal whatever I tell him to!

Whammer: What’s that?

Coach: Oh, nothing. Nothing! (getting excited) Okay, it’s time to take the second step toward achieving your dream! What do you want next?

Whammer: MORE orange juice!

Coach: Nooo, something more like, uh, well I don’t know, a car, huh?

Whammer: Whammer likes cars!

Coach: Good! Great! So do I! Now, a sidekick would probably just want ONE car, But since you want to be better than a sidekick, you’d want… uh, TWO cars!

Whammer: Whammer wants two cars! Yeah!

Coach: (under his breath) And give one to the Coach!

Whammer: Hey Coach, would you want the Whammer’s second car?

Coach: Well, since you asked!

Whammer: All RIGHT, Whammer is  motivate d! Gonna steal two cars! Yeah! Wham! Whammer!

Narrator: Meanwhile, scouring the city…

WordGirl: I’m guessing the Whammer is on the loose.

(Huggy chatters.)

WordGirl: Ugh, you’re right, Huggy. The Whammer’s always someone’s sidekick, so there’s probably some devious supervillain behind the crime. Aw man, this is gonna take forever! I’m totally going to miss the Pretty Princess  finale !

(Huggy chatters.)

WordGirl: No, there IS no next episode, this is the  finale . You know, the end of something? And it’s often climactic and exciting? Like in our adventures, that big exciting fight between us and the villain at the end of each episode? That’s the  finale !

(She hears a cry of “Help!”)

WordGirl: That’s coming from the used car dealership! (heads down)

(The Whammer is pulling two trucks away from the dealership.)

Whammer: (grunting) Two-- giant-- trucks-- for Whammer and the Coach!

Used Car Dealer: Hey! You can’t just walk out of here without--

(Whammer whams his fists together, sending the dealer flying. WordGirl catches him, and carries him to the ground.)

WordGirl: (to Huggy) Activate Emergency Plan number 827! (Flies off with Huggy)

(Huggy lands on the front bumper of one of the trucks, and tries to pull it free. Meanwhile, WordGirl flies in front of the Whammer.)

WordGirl: Howdy, Whammer! Whacha up to?

Whammer: Stealin’ these trucks! Wham!

WordGirl: So, whose sidekick are you now?

Whammer: Nobody’s. No more sidekicking!

WordGirl: Then why are you stealing two trucks?

Whammer: Okay. Now the Whammer’s confused. And when the Whammer gets confused--

(He whams his fists together, sending Huggy and WordGirl flying off. They land inside of a couple stacks of tires.)

WordGirl: Great! Wonder if Pretty Princess is having as hard a time as I am?

(Scene: Back at the Botsford house. TJ is eating popcorn, unable to take his eyes off the screen.)

Pretty Princess: Quickly! To the Pretty Flower-mobile! Count Cloudy is coming!

(TJ gasps.)

(Scene: Back at Coach’s office. Whammer has left the two trucks just outside the building, and he and Coach stare at them through the window.)

Coach: Great job, Whammer! Say, “I’m the boss!”

Whammer: I AM… THE BOSS! (Whams his fists together, sending Coach flying.)

Coach: Well, now that you’re  motivate d, it’s time for step three! Go get two yachts!

Whammer: Step three! Two yachts!

Coach: One for you, one for me!

Whammer: Yeah! Two yachts! (pauses) What’s a yacht?

Coach: A yacht is a big fancy boat!

Whammer: Two whammin’ boats! Yeah! (runs off)

Coach: (cackles) Oh… whatever I want, I get! I just  motivate  the Whammer to steal it! I’m the greatest evil genius of all time! Oh you could-- well, I could-- (laughs) Wham!

Narrator: Meanwhile, back at the used car dealership…

WordGirl: I mean, this is the last episode, Huggy! This is so not fair! I need to see the  FINALE ! (She explodes the tires from around her.) Whoa. I guess wanting to see Pretty Princess was all I needed to get  motivate d!

(Huggy chatters.)

WordGirl:  Motivate d? Oh, well, you know, having a strong desire to do something, and letting nothing stand in your way. Like, I could  motivate  you by saying, “Huggy, if you escape those tires, I’m going to take you out for ice cream”!

(The tires explode from around Huggy, and he stands triumphant.)

WordGirl: See? Because I offered you ice cream, you were  motivate d to escape!

(Huggy holds his stomach and chatters.)

WordGirl: I didn’t mean right now, Huggy. We’re a little busy (Huggy whimpers sadly.)

(She hears a newcast from a nearby radio.)

Announcer: Breaking news alert… the Whammer has been spotted trying to steal two yachts from the marina! Yowza. Now back to all-climactic battle music, all the time.

WordGirl: It’s time for the big final battle between us and the Whammer! The  finale ! Word UP! (takes off)

(Scene: The marina. Whammer is using a crane to load two yachts into the bed of one of the trucks he stole.)

WordGirl: Going somewhere, Whammer?

Whammer: Yes!

WordGirl: Well, we’re here to stop you!

Whammer: Oh, whammer! Now the Whammer has to put these big boats own, and the Whammer just got ‘em up there! (He lets go of the rope)

WordGirl: Sorry. Now, Huggy!

(Huggy throws two life preservers at Whammer. They land on his wrists, preventing him from putting his fists together to wham.)

Whammer: Wham! Wham! Yowww! Whammer can’t wham!

WordGirl: Okay, Whammer! Now who’s been  motivating  you to commit these crimes?

Whammer: Nobody tells the Whammer what to do! The Whammer is his own boss!

WordGirl: But you’re a sidekick! You’ve always been a sidekick!

Whammer: Nope. Not this time. This time, it’s just the Whammer! Stealin’ whatever the Coach says! Yeah, wham!

WordGirl: The Coach?

Whammer: Yeah, the Coach. (He points up. A plane flies by, carrying a banner with the Coach’s picture on it.)

WordGirl: Hmm…

(Scene: The Coach’s office. The TV is on, showing Whammer being taken away by the police. The Coach shuts a suitcase and picks it up.)

Coach: If I can  motivate  Whammer to steal things for me, I bet I could  motivate  other criminals too! Why, I could open up my own criminal school!

WordGirl: Looks like you’ll have to start in jail!

(WordGirl and Huggy are there, along with several police officers.)

Coach: WordGirl? Jail? Me? Never. (pauses) Wait-- that’s a great idea! Jail’s a perfect place to meet criminals! (Runs toward the door) Come on in, guys! Take me to jail. Time to start my new villain training academy!

WordGirl: Oh, by the way, the Whammer wanted me to give you this message.

(She holds up a recording device, and presses the play button.)

Whammer: You tricked the Whammer. Now the Whammer’s gonna trick YOU, yeah! See you in jail, Coach! Wham!

(The police drag Coach away.)

Coach: Uhhh… on second thought…

WordGirl: Say hi to the Whammer in the slammer! (to herself) Nailed it! (to Huggy) Well, Huggy, I think that was a pretty cool  finale . There was lots of action, good triumphs,,,

Narrator: Um, aren’t you forgetting about something?

WordGirl: Mm, I don’t think so.

Narrator: This Pretty Princess  finale ??

(WordGirl look panicked.)

WordGirl: Ahh! THE PRETTY PRINCESS! (takes off)

(Scene: The Botsford house. Becky storms through the door. TJ is standing in front of the couch, glued to the TV. Becky and Bob leap over and land in front of him.)

Becky: NOOOO!

(The credits are running.)

Becky: I missed the  finale ! Oh! Now I’m never going to find out what happened to Pretty Princess!

TJ: I can tell you. Pretty Princess rescued Penelope Pony from Count Cloudy’s cloud castle. But Count Cloudy chased after them and they used the Pretty Flowermobile to get away! And returned all the sunshine to Sparkletopia! Oh my gosh, it was the best  finale  ever! (sighs, then looks over at Becky) Not-- that I care. It was just on in the background, okay? Oh, whatever. (walks off)

Becky: (to Bob) He really got into it, didn’t he?

TJ: (offscreen) Did not!

Becky: (yelling) Hey, look! There’s another episode on right now!

(TJ runs excitedly back to the TV.)

TJ: Woohoo! There is? (looks at the screen.)

Becky: Whoops. My mistake. Heh-heh-heh!

Narrator: That’ll  motivate  you to be nice to your siblings! And so, we come to the real  finale . WordGirl has saved the day yet again, while TJ has discovered that princesses and ponies can be pretty cool after all. Tune in next time for another exciting of WordGirl!