The Wheel Thing

The Wheel Thing

Submitted by Sanchez

(A scene of a wide shot of Dome City is seen. Zoom in to cave people. who are working hard, doing things like carrying loads of stones and canoeing across the grass. Move to the left where Mario and Luigi are sitting on the steps of the dome castle watching them.)

Mario: Ooh, look at that Luigi. Those cave people work too hard! There must be something we could do to make their life easier.

Luigi: Yeah, like what?

Mario: I can't think of anything. I'm spinning my wheel!

(There's a cloud with a burning log above Mario's head which turns into a spinning wheel.)

Matio: Ah, I've got it!

(Dissolve to a purple dome, where Mario and Luigi are cutting wheel shapes off of logs. Kooky Koopa is watching them through a window disguised as a cave person.)

Mario: Hold it steady, Luigi.

Kooky: Good idea, Mario. Great idea. In fact, just the idea I needed to conquer the Dome City.

Luigi: How many more of these wheels do we have to invent, Mario? I'm tired!

(Kooky laughs and goes off, and Mario stops cutting off wheels.)

Mario: Take five, Luigi.

Luigi: (struggling to lift five) Ugh, they're too heavy!

Mario: Ah, then take two. Let's try these out on the natives.

(Cut to shot of Aaga and Ooga, two cave people who are lifting a huge wooden crate of stones.)

Mario: *whistle* Yo! Aaga, Ooga! Surprise! Here, give your back a break.

Ooga: (hugging wheel) Aag! Chockem, trashem!

(They throw the wheels into the crate and continue on.)

Mario: Ah, use your head!

(They stop and put them on as hats.)

Aaga: Oh, ooga poofa!

(They pose.)

Mario: (frustrated) Oh...

(Luigi walks over to Yoshi, who eats his.)

Luigi: So much for progress. Bon appetito, Yoshi!

(A fly flies near Aaga, who prepares to whack it with two wheels.)

Mario: No, Aaga, not that!

(Aaga whacks the fly.)

Ooga: Aaga splat!

Mario: Well, that too. Now hold on. Luigi, do you still have a spare Fire Flower?

Luigi: (pulling out flower) Be my guest!

(Luigi throws a fireball to Mario.)

Mario: Ah!

(Mario throws it at the center of a line of wheels, creating a hole in the middle of them.)

Mario: All right, Luigi! Give me some of that prehistoric prod!

(Luigi suddenly turns to see Yoshi nibbling on some bamboo.)

Luigi: What? Give it here, you ravenous reptile!

(Luigi plays tug-of-war with Yoshi for it.)

Yoshi: Hey! I still hungry!

Mario: (walking up and grabbing the bamboo, breaking it in half) Wow, and I thought I was hungry all the time!

(Mario connects two wheels with one piece of the bamboo.)

Mario: All it takes is a little prosper know-how!

Luigi: (dropping a thin square of stone on the bamboo between the wheels) And a sense of balance!

(Luigi hops on the wheel thing.)

Luigi: Whoa!!! We got wheels!

(Luigi rides it around like a skateboard.)

Ooga: Ogga mooga, Luigi-ga!

Luigi: Hey hey hey, I'm stylin'!

Yoshi: Oh, that look like fun! wait for yoshi, Luigi!

(Yoshi jumps on Luigi's shoulders.)

Luigi: Whoa!!!

Yoshi: (falling) Ooga-bunga!

(Luigi falls and the wheel thing flies into the air.)

Cave People: Yay!!!

Yoshi: Oh, that was good!

(Dissolve to later, Mario is bringing Princess into the purple dome.)

Mario: (opening doors) Behold our cave mobile assembly line, Princess! We're on a roll. The cave people are gonna have wheels before you can say Henry Ford!

Princess: Uh, are you sure they're ready for this?

Mario: Of course they are! They can't stay primitive forever. Here, check it out. Yoshi's in charge of wheel and chassis production.

(Yoshi drops a stone chassis on four wooden wheels connected by bamboo.)

Mario: Looga here handles the seats.

(Looga drops a log on the chassis and lets a Piranha Plant bite a seat shape into it, then pushes it over to another cave person on a huge cement cube.)

Mario: There's our chassis bash-em.

(Cement slams into the chassis, making a square for an engine to be put on, and it is pushed further.)

Princess: What's a chassis?

Mario: It's kinda high-tech. You'll see. Now the all-important engine housing unit!

(An engine is dropped onto the chassis.)

Princess: But what makes them run?

Mario: One Goomba-powered special.

(Yet another cave person drops a Goomba into the engine.)

Mario: You put the pedal to the metal, and looga!

(A cave person hops on and drives the cave-moble out.)

Cave Person: Aaooga!

Princess: It even has a horn?

Mario: Ha, that's not the horn, that's the driver!

Princess: (laughs) Ah, I still think we're moving them forward too fast!

(Cut to later in the purple dome, where Mario is sleeping. Luigi then runs in while there are many horn sounds coming from the outside.)

Luigi: Mario! Maybe we should've invented Drivers Education first!

Mario: Ah, forget it. They'll catch on. Then they'll thank us!

(Dissolve to the Neon Castle, where Hooky is busy inventing a giant dinosaur on wheels.)

Kooky: Thank you, Marios. You've inspired me to create my most monstrous invention ever!

(A flame torch to fix up the evil invention, then show a shadow of the thing from outside the room as Kooky laughs evilly. Switch scenes to purple dome where Mario is still sleeping. Luigi walks in with a tire track on him and carrying a stop sign with a bite taken out of it. Car horn noises are coming from outside.)

Luigi: Your turn as traffic cop, mister fender-bender. If only Yoshi would stop nibbling on the stop signs! It's a nightmare out there! Yeesh!

Mario: Hey, I thought they'd catch on by now.

Luigi: (as car crashes outside) Hey! Sure, they're catching it all right.

(Shows outside, where there is a bunch of crashed cars and a lot of cave people arguing and looking at Mario and Luigi.)

Luigi: I think they blame us.

Mario: Eh, it's all part of being civilized. Don't worry, Luigi. What are they gonna do, banish us to the lava pits?

(Cut to Mario and Luigi falling from a pipe into the lava pits.)

Mairo and Luigi: Whoa!!!

Mario: Okay, so they banished us!

(Next scene. Kooky and Koopa stand near Kooky's invention covered with a brown sheet.)

Kooky: Help me with my brilliant invention. Today the Dome City, tomorrow the world!

(Kooky unveils it.)

Koopa: Fantastic! Eh, what is it?

Kooky: Mega Mechani-saur! Big Feet for short.

(Kooky pulls a lever, causing a smaller dinosaur to pop out of Big Feet's mouth, who burns down the entrance gate.)

Kooky: The Kooky key to any door! Uh-heh!

Koopa: But what makes it go?

(Koopa jumps to the bottom to see.)

Kooky: A genuine cave-patch doll!

(A door in Big Feet's front opens, reveiling a dinosaur on a conveyor belt behind a doll.)

Kooky: All aboard, King Dad!

(A hand grabs Koopa, throwing him back up.

Koopa: Yeow, let go! Aaaaahhhh!

kooky: fasten your seatbelt, it's going to be a bumpy ride!

Koopa: Whoa! What seatbelt?!

(A bump in the road causes Koopa to fall back onto a rope on the things' tail. Big Feet begins to destroy the city and the cave-mobiles, particularly Ooga's.

Ooga: Ooga booga yikes!

(Ooga gets out of his car just in time and runs off to the dome castle and knocks with his steering wheel.)

Princess: Ooga, what's wrong?

Ooga: Ooga looga Marios!

Princess: You want the Marios to come back? I didn't know they were gone.

Ooga: Ooga Mario lava goo-goo!

Princess: (shocked) You banished them to the lava pits?!

Ooga: Ooga flooga Koopa poopa!

(Ooga points to Big Feet.)

Princess: Yikes! I'll get right on it!

(Cut to lava pits, where Luigi is heating a pizza over a fire which is attracting a Blargg.)

Luigi: Good thing you had your emergency pizza stash with ya, Mario!

(There is tapping coming from the pipe they fell from, obviously a code.)

Mario: Aha, a message from the princess!

Luigi: What does she say?

Mario: Tinkety, tink, tink, tink....

Luigi: Does that mean what I tink it means?

Mario: Yep. Morse code, please come home and help the cave people get rid of Koopa and Kooky!

(Blargg tries to eat the pizza and roars.)

Mario and Luigi: (Luigi in Mario's arm) Aaaahhhhh!!!

(Cut to at the top of the pipe where the princess is waiting.)

Luigi: Get us outta here!!!

(Princess gets a springboard and throws it down.)

Princess: Catch, mario!

(It drops down below some blocks.)

Mario: (jumping on springboard) Hold on, Luigi!

(Mario hits four blocks. The fourth is a Feather, which he uses. Mario flies to Luigi and grabs his hand and pulls him up and through the pipe.)

Mario: Come fly with me, Luigi!

(Cut to the city where Mega Mechani-saur is doing more damage while Koopa holds on still to the tail.)

Koopa: Ouch! Slow down, Kooky!

Kooky: Later, King Dad. Gotta finish the Kooky von Koopa memorial freeway!

Mario: Ha, that's what he thinks! Speed bump logs!

Luigi: Check!

Mario: Traffic lights!

Luigi: Check!

Mario: Railroad crossing arms!

Luigi: Check!

Mario: And potholes!

Luigi: Potholes?

(Yoshi comes up on a skateboard with a cement digger on his mouth.)

Yoshi: (digging pothole with mouth) Oogabooga! I ready and hungry!

(Begin song Motor City.) [Lyrics by Hip.]

Everything is ready Put the pedal down Motor City here we come I've got the best set of wheels in town Motor City here we come The road is busy every night and day Motor City here we come Nobody can stop this awesome machine Motor City here we come (yes) Rev it up Just a little bit faster Crank it up Just a little bit faster Go go going Motor City (Motor City here we come) Motor City (Motor City here we come) Motor City Rev it up

(Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, and the cave people are able to stop Big Feet by using fireball traffic lights, making it crash into railroad crossing arms, and finally by making it fall over by pothole digging.)

Koopa: Got any other bright ideas, Kooky?

Kooky: Uh, fasten your seatbelt?

(Kooky, Koopa, and the dinosaur make a run for it. Switch scenes to the Dome City, where the cave people are throwing Mario, Yoshi, and Luigi into the air and cheering.)

Mario: So, you think we should forget about this wheel thing for a few years?

Luigi: Yeah, a few thousand!

(They are let down, and Yoshi begins licking them like a dog.)

Luigi: Whoa, ho, ho, ho, hey!

The End