The Life and Times of Hannibal Roy Bean

[Baby cries]

[Grunting]

Omi: Sweet Baby Among Us is a most worthy Shen Gong Wu.

Kimiko: After this workout, we can kick any baby’s butt!

Master Fung: I am pleased by your enthusiasm. But, developing one’s Wudai skills will be a long journey.

Raimundo: No problemo, Fungo. I say bring it on, baby. Bring it on! Master Fung: A very… very long journey.

[Baby cries]

Dojo: Hey, boys and girls a new Shen Gong Wu has revealed itself. It’s called… The Moby Morpher. Whoever possesses the Wu can change his shape and size, even take on the appearance of his enemy. It’s one of the most--

Raimundo: One of the most powerful and dangerous Shen Gong Wu. That’s what he was gonna say.

Jack: Make yourself useful and hand me the socket wrench.

Ying Ying Bird: Hand me the socket wrench.

Jack: That’s a crescent wrench, birdbrain!

Ying Ying Bird: That’s a crescent wrench, birdbrain! Aawwwk!

Jack: You may not know your wrenches, but you are feisty!

[Clang]

Ying Ying Bird: You are feisty!

Jack: I guess we both are. How ‘bout I call you… Little Jack?

[Crunch]

Jack: Aah!

Ying Ying Bird: Little Jack! Little Jack!

Jack: Say, “You’re a stinky butt!”

Ying Ying Bird: You’re a stinky butt!

Jack: Oh, this is too cool!

[Electronic signal][Bzz bzz bzz]

Hey, best bird bud, it’s time I show you how I make my evil living! No good, rotten pizza face!

Ying Ying Bird: No good, rotten pizza face! No good, rotten pizza face! Awwwkk!

[Crunch]

Jack: Aah! [Sobbing]

Dojo: We’ve got Wu at 3 o’clock. Please pass your remaining trash to the center aisle. Wuya: Well, well. Look what the old dragon dragged in.

Omi: Prepare for a lesson in humility!

Raimundo: You’re not gonna join in?

Chase: No interest. This is Wuya’s party.

Clay: It just don’t seen right beatin’ up a 1,500-year-old lady. Fist of Tebigong! Earth! Whoa-oa-oa! Point taken.

Kimiko: Well, I’ve got no problem kicking old hag’s butt.

Wuya: Well, come and get it.

Kimiko: Star Hanabi! Fire! Aah!

Raimundo: Ok, old evil one. Let’s see what you got! Sword of the Storm!

Wuya: My! You’re quite a muscular young man.

Raimundo: Yeah, I work out… a lot.

Omi: As a disciplined Wudai Warrior, I will not be influenced by your most powerful female willies! Orb of Tornami!

Kimiko: Wuya, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown. The game is meteor shower. The first to reach the Moby Morpher wins.

Wuya: And to make it interesting, my Ying Yo-Yo against your Yang Yo-Yo!

Chase: You never mentioned you have the Ying Yo-Yo.

Wuya: Oh. Didn’t I? Must have slipped my mind.

Omi: Kimiko, remember, if you enter the Ying Yang World without both Wu, you will come out evil!

Dojo: And if you enter evil, you come out good. We may need a score card for this one.

Kimiko, Wuya: Let’s go! Xiaolin Showdown! Gong Yi Tan Pai!

Kimiko: Yang Yo-Yo!

Evil Kimiko: Once I have both Wu, it’s evil domination, baby!

Raimundo: What’s wrong with Kimiko?

Omi: She left her good in the Ying Yang World.

Wuya: Ying Yo-Yo!

Good Wuya: If I win, I’m opening a home for birds without nests.

Kimiko: Yang Yo-Yo!

Wuya: Ying Yo-Yo!

Kimiko: Yang Yo-Yo!

Wuya: Ying Yo-Yo!

Kimiko: Yang Yo-Yo!

Wuya: Ying Yo-Yo!

Dojo: It’s funny, but sometimes it’s hard to tell the good and evil apart, you know what I’m saying?

Kimiko: Yang Yo-Yo!

Wuya: Aah!

Kimiko: [Giggles] Huh?

Omi: You are the male!

Raimundo: Uh, that’s you are the man.

Clay: Well, you’re… definitely something.

Raimundo: What’s goin’ on?

Clay: No good ornery bird!

Omi: Hey!

Wuya: My Shen Gong Wu!

Chase: Your Shen Gong Wu?

Wuya: I never saw it before.

Jack: Hate to taunt and run, but me and my posse don’t play by the rules. We play to win! Little Jack, bring me the Wu!

Ying Ying Bird: Bring me the Wu. Bring me my Wu! I have a better idea. Get your own Wu, sissy boy! Awwwk!

Jack: What’s the world come to when you can’t even trust your bird?

Dojo: There’s something strange about that flying feather duster.

Omi: I believe Little Jack may not be just your average parrot.

Jack: I got ya! Oh! [Sniff] Too high! Nose bleed!

Chase: It seems our feathered thief the Ying Ying Bird. Its arrival means that a very close friend of mine is nearby-- Hannibal Bean.

Wuya: Mmm. I’ve heard of Hannibal Bean. Maybe you could introduce us some time?

Chase: Only if I wish to get rid of you, which could be arranged quite easily.

Wuya: (sticks out tongue) Nyyah!

(Commercial)

Raimundo: You want it? Come on! Too slow! Ha ha ha!

Omi, Kim, Clay: Ha ha ha ha!

Master Fung: Wudai Warriors, you leave for the Ying Yang World where you will retrieve the stolen Shen Gong Wu. You will take the Silver Manta Ray.

Omi: What about Dojo?

Master Fung: Unfortunately, Dojo cannot fly in the Ying Yang World.

Dojo: Do you have to tell everyone? Some things you wanna keep private.

Master Fung: Remember to remain cautious. Anything can happen in the Ying Yang World.

Dojo: And it usually does.

Master Fung: Shen Gong Wu can be most unpredictable. They may work fine at times, then behave just the opposite.

Dojo: Yeah. Spontaneous combustion is the leading cause of injury. Probably should bring along a fire extinguisher.

Omi: Ying Yang Yo-Yo!

[Splat]

Jack: Ugh! Very nice! Ah…Ah-ah-ah-ah! Huh? Ha ha! Hah hah hah! When I find that Wu-stealing bird, he’s chicken tacos… parrot-style!

Good Jack: I wouldn’t go in there if I were you… which I am.

Jack: Jack? Please! I don’t allow anyone to touch me… especially… me.

Good Jack: Don’t you recognize me? You used the Ring of the Nine Dragons to make me the last time you were here.

Jack: So that’s why I’ve been feeling more evil than ever.

Good Jack: Oh, Jack. It’s so good to see you! No, no, no. You don’t wanna go in there. That’s where Hannibal Bean lives. The last thing you need are more bad influences.

Jack: Hannibal Roy Bean? He’s the meanest, evilest force in the universe! He’s my evil hero.

Good Jack: I thought Chase Young was your evil hero.

Jack: What, I’m not allowed more than one evil hero in my life?

Good Jack: Be careful! Call me if you need me!

Dojo: Hey, it’s kinda nice to be a passenger for a change. I could get used to this. Hey, easy on the controls!

Raimundo: It’s not me. Master Fung said Wu can act unpredictably in the Ying Yang World.

All: Whoa!

Dojo: Maybe I should take over. I’d like to leave the parallel universe in one piece.

Omi: Do you know how to fly the Silver Manta Ray?

Dojo: Please! I was flyin’ before I could crawl. I’m not just a mystical dragon. I’m also a certified pilot.

Raimundo: Good enough for me. She’s all yours, pappy.

Dojo: Now, let’s see if we can pick up the pace a little.

All: Whaaa!

Dojo: Don’t worry! I got everything under control!

[Screaming]

[Alarm blaring]

Dojo: Here! I found the flying manual!

Computer: Estimated time of impact, 10 seconds. 9 seconds… 8 seconds… 7 seconds… 6 seconds…

[Screaming]

Computer: 5 seconds… 4 seconds…

Omi: Golden Finger!

Computer: 2 seconds…

Dojo: Look, it says here, “If all else fails, use the Golden Finger Shen Gong Wu to freeze time momentarily.” Heh. See? No problem.

[Squawk]

[Squawking]

Jack: Aah! Ow! Unh! Hello?

Hannibal Bean: Hello. I see that I have company. To whom do I owe the pleasure?

Jack: I’m Jack Spicer, evil boy-genius. I really, really love your work, Mr. Bean, sir.

Hannibal Bean: Of course you do, boy. Now come a little closer. I promise I won’t bite.

Jack: Heh heh heh. Uh… one day I want to be as evil as you.

Hannibal Bean: Well, ain’t you sweet. You will, once you overcome your fears.

Jack: I’m not afraid of anything!

Hannibal Bean: You sleep with a night light, you’re scared of clowns, and you have panic attacks when you’re away from your mama for more than one day.

Jack: How do you know that?!

Hannibal Bean: It’s apparent to me that you’re just one generation away from good. That’s why you work so hard, to prove you’re, heh heh, evil.

Jack: I am evil! I am! And… I want to go home now.

Hannibal Bean: Not before getting what you came for. I have Shen Gong Wu.

Jack: And I can have them?

Hannibal Bean: All you have to do is open the cage… and take ‘em.

[Growling]

Jack: Funny-- you look taller on TV.

Hannibal Bean: If you’re true evil, you know what to do.

Jack: Uh… can you give me a hint?

Hannibal Bean: Just open the cage and let me out, you twit!

(Commercial)

Good Jack: Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! Hey, guys, over here. Whoa. (Trips and falls on face). (Jumps up and hugs the Warriors).

All: Unnnnnnnnh!

Kimiko: Oooooh… it’s good, Jack.

Good Jack: I am so happy to see you.

Clay: Oh, how in tarnation did you go and get all good again?!

Good Jack: This is the good part of me I left behind from before.

Dojo: Can’t… breathe. Losing… consciousness.

(Good Jack releases them).

All: Unh! Uhh!

Kimiko: [Back cracks] Maybe we should save the hugs until after we find out what’s going on.

Good Jack: I’m afraid my evil side’s about to get into a whole lot of trouble.

Omi: What kind of trouble are you talking about?

Jack: Bad Jack went to visit… Hannibal Bean! I told him not to, but does he listen to me? Nooooooo!

Dojo: Hannibal Roy Bean is here?!

Omi: You have heard of him?

Dojo: Hannibal is the one who turned Chase Young to evil. Chase Young and Master Monk Guan were once the best of friends. But Hannibal found away to come between them. He knew Chase Young’s weakness was his need to be the best on the block, and Master Monk Guan was the one who stood in his way. Hannibal reminded him of his destiny-- to be the greatest warrior ever. But that destiny could only be found on the Heylin Side.

Chase: (in memory) [Roaring]

Dojo: Later, Chase felt the Heylin Side was growing a little too crowded, and double-crossed him.

Hannibal Bean: (in memory) Yow!

Dojo: He locked Hannibal in the Ying Yang World for eternity.

[Thunder]

Dojo: As you can imagine, it put a real strain on their relationship.

Raimundo: I don’t get it. How can something so puny be so powerful?

Omi: I understand. Strength is not measured by one’s size, but by the size of one’s strength.

Kimiko: That may be, but he’s still just a bean.

Raimundo: Look, maybe we should check out this bean dude. Clay, you know about tractors. Maybe you can fix the Silver Manta Ray.

Clay: Oh, sure. Yeah. Tractors and mystical flying transports are like two peas from the same pod.

(In Hannibal Bean’s prison)

[All gasp]

Jack: Hi, guys. Nice weather.

Omi: Jack Spicer! What are you doing here?

Jack: It’s that no good Hannibal Bean. He got me to let him go, and then he locked me up. He lied to me!

Kimiko: Yeah, evil villains have a tendency to do that.

Jack: He was right about one thing. I do miss my mommy… and… I want to go home! [Sobbing]

Jack 2: Hey, what’s going on? What am I doing there when I’m here?

Jack: That’s not me! That’s not me! That’s Hannibal Bean. I bet he used the Moby Morpher to make himself look like me after I let him out.

Jack 2: I never let me out. I mean him.

Raimundo: I have an idea. We’ll use the Ring of the Nine Dragons to reunite the two real Jacks. Ring of the Nine Dragons!

Jack 2: Uh-aaa-aaa-aaa…

Good Jack: Uh-- aaa…

Jack: Aah!

[Thud]

(Hannibal Bean is really the Jack that was locked in Hanni’s prison).

Omi: So it appears that it was not Jack who acted so stupid as to free Hannibal Bean. It was… me?

Hannibal Bean: (in Jack form) You got it, sweet pea! Ha ha ha ha. Moby Morpher!

Hannibal Bean: (in bean form) Heh heh heh heh heh.

Omi: Enough chat chit! Today victory is mine, Hannibal Bean!

Kimiko: Hardly seems like a fair fight.

Hannibal Bean: True. Perhaps I should fight with my eyes closed.

Omi: Wudai Neptune Water!

Kimiko: Wudai Mars Fire!

Raimundo: Wudai Star Wind!

Hannibal Bean: Moby Morpher! (Changes into Omi).

All: Hyah! Hyah!

Dojo: I wonder which one is the real Omi.

Dojo 2: (Hannibal) I don’t have the foggiest idea.

Dojo: Hey, you’re not me, ‘cause I’m me. Guys, it’s Hannibal Bean!

Kimiko, Rai, Omi: Aah! Aah! Aah!

[All fighting, grunting]

Hannibal Bean: (in Dojo form) Moby Morpher!

Hannibal Bean: (in bean form) Well, thanks for the workout. We must do it again sometime. Right now I got a lot of evil catching up to do. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Raimundo: Hannibal may be out, but he’s still trapped in the Ying Yang World. I say we get back to the Silver Manta Ray and blow this taco stand!

Omi: They have tacos here?

Jack: Oh, can I sit up front? I get airsick easily.

All: Oh! Oh!

Omi: Ying Yang Yo-Yo!

(Commercial)

Omi: [Gasps] Chase Young! What do you want?!

Chase: Nothing that concerns you Little One. I have some unfinished business to settle.

Clay: Whoa!

Chase: Hyah! Hyah!

Clay: Uhh… what in tarnation are you doin’?

Chase: I’m ending what I should have ended years ago.

Omi: Nooooooooo!

All: Hyah! Unh! Hyah!

Clay: (Hanni) Moby Morpher!

Hannibal Bean: Nice to see you again, Chase. Hey, thanks for the assistance. Maybe one day I’ll return the favor. Heh heh heh heh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ah, ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Continues sinister laughter]

[Muffled cries]

Clay: I’m afraid we got big problems, pardner.

Omi: I know. You ripped the words from inside my mouth.

Chase: You fools! You don’t know what you’ve done. You have unleashed the greatest evil the world has ever seen.

Raimundo: Hmmph! Sounds like end of the world time… again.

Chase: No. it is far worse than that.

(Scene zooms out on the Xiaolin Temple in lightning storm)

[Thunder]