Bonkers for Bingo

Narrator: Just another typical day for WordGirl.. Vanquisher of villains!

(Scene: a warehouse. WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face are being attacked by Dr. Two-Brains, The Butcher, Amazing Rope Guy, and Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy. She looks at Huggy, then leaps at them. In the next scene, she has them tied up, and lowers herself onto the steps of City Hall holding them above her head, while a crowd of onlookers cheers "WordGirl! WordGirl!")

Mayor: We couldn’t have done it without you, WordGirl. How can we ever thank you?

WordGirl: Oh, their love is all the thanks I need!

Narrator: The next day, as Becky Botsford is walking home from school…

Scoops: Hey Becky! Guess what? You know the Big City Times?

(He holds up a newspaper, showing a picture of WordGirl delivering the captured villains.)

Becky: Oh yes. Nice picture!

Scoops: Well, the editor from the Big City Times, Mr. Woodward Bernstein, just hired me to write an article for the paper!

Becky: What hard-hitting topic do you plan to tackle in your big article?

Scoops: The story of the city’s newest bingo champion, Granny May!

Becky: Wait a minute-- didn’t I-- I mean, WordGirl just put her in jail?

Scoops: She WAS in jail, but they let her out for good behavior. Apparently, she’s given up her live of crime and has devoted herself to playing bingo full time.

Becky: I’ll believe THAT when I see it.

Scoops: She’s  undefeated  at bingo, never lost a game yet. I’m going to watch her play tonight and interview her for my article.

Becky: I’ll come too. Gotta make sure Granny May isn’t up to her old tricks!

Scoops: Why?

Becky: Uh, because I love watching bingo. There’s nothing more fun-- than watching bingo!

Scoops: (after pondering this for a minute) ... Except maybe flossing.

Becky: Uh, right.

Narrator: That night, at the peaceful quiet Shady Acres Retirement Community, it’s time for… BINGO!

(Scene: Inside the retirement community, a group of players are frantically calling for their number to come up. Granny May is holding up a metal duck, and seems like the only one who is doing well. Scoops and Becky come through the door.)

Scoops: This is the world of bingo! Ahh!

Becky: I don’t get it… how does bingo work, again?

Scoops: You don’t know? Well, it’s pretty simple. The caller spins a cage until a number fall out. And then you see if you have that number on your card. If you get five numbers in a row, you win and yell--

Granny May: BINGO!

Becky: Sounds like you have to be pretty lucky.

Scoops: That’s why Granny May being  undefeated  is such a big deal. The odds of her winning so many games in a row are… really small. She’s incredibly talented.

Becky: (whispering to Bob) Or, she’s incredibly cheating!

Bingo Announcer: B-13!

Granny May: Bingo!

Bingo Announcer: And with that, Granny May wins tonight’s overall grand prize. She remains  undefeated !

(The announcer hands Granny May a large trophy filled with cash.)

Bingo Announcer: Which means, she has never lost a single game!

(Granny May holds up the trophy while everyone cheers.)

Scoops: Time to interview Granny May! A good reporter always asks a few hard-- hitting-- questions! Da-da-da! Here I go.

(Becky, still convinced she is cheating, glances over at Bob.)

Scoops: Granny May! To what do you credit your unprecedented success?

Granny May: I just work hard and play fair! And I’m lucky!

Scoops: (writing) Work hard, play fair, lucky. And finally, please be honest here, bingo is really fun, isn’t it?

Granny May: You know it!

Scoops: Thank you for your time, I got what I needed.

(Granny May starts to walk off with the cash, but Becky stops her.)

Becky: If you don’t mind, Granny May, I’ve got a few questions too.

Granny May: Oh go ahead, I love talking to my  adoring  fans!

Becky: Great. Tell me how you cheated!

Granny May: I am not cheating. I just have a positive attitude and a really lucky good luck charm-- my good luck duck! Now, run along and leave me alone, you noisy little troublemaker!

(As she walks away, other players crowd around her, praising her and asking her to sign their bingo card.)

Becky: Hmm…

(Scene: Scoop’s house. He is typing up an article for the Big City Times.)

Scoops: “Granny May remains  undefeated ! Going for record in next week’s All-City Charity Bingo Tournament! Waving her lucky duck in the air, Granny May easily defeated the competition! Her fans across the city  adore  her!”

(This is followed by a rap video starring Granny May, in which she is wearing a big pair of sunglasses and has her lucky duck hanging from her necklace.)

Granny May: (singing in a rap beat) I’m Granny May, and I’m hear to say / I love to yell Bingo in a major sorta way / I never lost, I’m  undefeated  / I win the game standing or seated / When I say ‘Bing’, you say ‘Go’ / Bing--

Crowd: Go!

Granny May: Bing--

Crowd: Go!

Granny May: I ain’t here to cause no trouble / I’m just here to do the Granny May Shuffle! / Ooh- oo- ee- ee- ee- ee- / Now raise the roof!

Man: I can’t reach it!

(The scene cuts to the Botsford house, where the TV is playing the video. Becky is sitting on the couch with Bob, who is eating a sandwich.)

Becky: I don’t get it! One day, Granny May is public enemy number one, and suddenly, just because she’s good at bingo, everyone  adores  her!

(Bob chatters.)

Becky: Oh, well if everyone  adores  her, it means they like her a lot and are very fond of her. For example, you are very fond of sandwiches, right? You like them a lot?

(Bob nods in agreement, and hugs the sandwich.)

Becky: Then you  adore  sandwiches!

Granny May: Stick around, Gran fans, to learn how you can join the Granny May fan club!

Becky: Ugh! I just know Granny May is cheating! But I don’t know how. Come on, Bob! Let’s investigate. Word UP!

(She grabs Bob, and his sandwich flies out of his hand. As she takes off with him, his diaper is also left behind.)

(Scene: the retirement home. WordGirl and Huggy land inside and start looking around.)

WordGirl: We don’t have much time. You look where Granny May always sits, and I’ll check out the caller’s station. Let’s find out what’s been keeping Granny May  undefeated !

(WordGirl flies over to the cage where the balls are kept. Huggy paces around Granny May’s area, then notices the duck. He holds a magnifying glass up to it, and finds out that the metal frame of the magnifier is attracted to the duck. He struggles to pull it off, then carries the duck over to WordGirl to show her. He holds the duck near the cage, and a sound is heard )

WordGirl: What was that? Huggy, wave that  adorable  duck around!

(As he moves it around, the balls bounce around inside the cage.)

WordGirl: That’s IT! There must be a special magnet in Granny May’s good luck duck! And she’s using it to pull out certain numbers! She IS cheating! Now we know HOW! Come on, Huggy! I think it’s time we told Granny May’s fans what their  undefeated  bingo champion is up to!

(While she is talking, Huggy manages to get the magnet stuck to his helmet several times, and struggles to get it unstuck. When he finally does, it pulls his helmet completely off of his head. He points at it and chatters.)

WordGirl: Oh fine, bring it along. Word UP! (She takes off with Huggy )

(Scene: in front of City Hall, Granny May stands at a podium, with the Mayor next to her. A crowd has gathered and is cheering for her.)

Scoops: Granny May, Granny May!

Granny May: Uh, you there, tiny reporter boy.

Scoops: Scoops Ming, huge fan. Tonight’s tournament is being played for charity. Tell me, what charity will you be playing for?

Granny May: The, uh… uh… oh, the save the dinosaurs foundation!

(More cheering. After a few moments, WordGirl arrives with Huggy.)

WordGirl: Hold on just a second, Granny May!

Granny May: Ohhhhhh… have you come to cheer me on, dearie? How thoughtful of you.

WordGirl: On the contrary, I’m here to tell everyone in the city that you, Granny May, are a CHEATER!

(The crowd gasps, as does Granny May.)

WordGirl: That’s right, citizens! Granny May is cheating at bingo, and I can prove it!

(Everyone boos and gives a thumbs down.)

Man: How can you say that? Granny May is a bingo champion and a hero!

Pointing lady: And a role model! I named my daughter after her-- Little Granny May!

(She holds up her baby, who she has dressed as Granny May. WordGirl has become flustered by the reaction, and is having trouble explaining herself over the angry crowd.)

WordGirl: See--? Duck-- and cage-- bingo-- the magnet-- doh, I give up!

Granny May: Well, looks like nobody wants to hear what you have to say, language lady! I’ll just take my good luck duck. See you tonight, bingo baby!

(She grabs the duck from Huggy and walks away from the podium, as the crowd cheers her on.)

(Scene: later, at the retirement home. The bingo tournament is getting ready to start.)

Bingo Announcer: Playing for downtown quilting stitch club, Mona Fallenbuckel! And playing for the "Raise some money to repaint that one swingset in the park" society, David Higginbotham! And now, everybody’s favorite  undefeated  champion, the older lady you all  adore , Granny May!

(Granny May comes through the doors, holding up her duck. The others cheer and applaud as she walks to the podium.)

Granny May: I think it’s time to save some dinosaurs up in here!

(More cheering from those in attendance. Someone hands a note to the announcer.)

Bingo Announcer: Oh, and I’m being told there’s a late entry into the competition. One final competitor-- WordGirl?

(WordGirl files onto the stage and hovers next to Granny May. There are boos from the other contestants.)

WordGirl: Yeah, boo, I get it. I’ll see you in the finals, cheater!

Granny May: Not if I see you first, spoil-sport!

(This is followed by a minute-long montage of scenes focusing mainly on Granny May and WordGirl battling it out.)

Bingo Announcer: It’s all come down to this, folks. The final match between Granny May and WordGirl! And now, ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to take a quick timeout to say thank you to Mr. Tim Botsford, for providing us with this ceremonial final bingo balls from his personal collection. Okay, and now, it’s time… for… BIN-GO!

WordGirl: Just wanted to let you know, those new bingo balls are made out of wood, not metal! So I don’t think your little lucky ducky will be very helpful this time around!

(Granny May has a confused and panicked look on her face.)

WordGirl: ...Because magnets don’t WORK on wood!

(Granny May shakes her duck, and the balls in the cage don’t react.)

WordGirl: It’s tough to stay  undefeated  when you have to play by the rules, huh?

Granny May: Dohh… bring it, WordGirl!

(She tosses her duck aside. Both WordGirl and Granny May make angry faces at each other. Some time passes.)

Bingo Announcer: It’s all come down to this, ladies and gentlemen. Granny May needs N-37, WordGirl needs N-39. Whoever gets their number first will win!

(The other contestants watch with anticipation as the cage turns.)

Granny May: Come on, N-37!

WordGirl: N-39, N-39--

(Both the competitors are sweating. Huggy dabs a towel on WordGirl’s forehead. Everyone is o the edge of their seats as the bingo announcer raises the ball up to read the number.)

BIngo Announcer: N--

WordGirl: Come on!

Bingo Announcer: Thirty--

Granny May: That’s… right…

Bingo Announcer: Nine!

WordGirl: BINGO!

(She flies up in excitement, and Huggy starts dancing on the table. Granny May smashes her head on the table in anger)

Bingo Announcer: WordGirl wins, taking with her the hopes and dreams of the entire city.

(WordGIrl, who had been holding up her card and smiling, suddenly looks somber.)

Granny May: I guess WordGirl just doesn’t like old ladies. The poor dinosaurs.

(Granny May walks off, and the other contestants stare at WordGirl with contempt while they boo at her; more harshly then ever. Wordgirl slowly and sadly walks away in a depressed rejected manner.)

WordGirl: Come on, Huggy... Looks like this city doesn’t think I’m a hero anymore...

(Huggy, who has been holding the lucky duck, tosses it aside onto the table. Scoops walks by, and picks up the duck.)

Scoops: And as victory flew out the window, like a duck flies over a pond, Granny May’s good luck duck was all that--

(As he is speaking, the duck attracts his camera.)

Scoops: Whoa! Huh. That’s funny, this duck is magnetic.

(He holds it away from his, and his hand goes near the original cage of bingo balls. As he moves the duck, several of the balls move along with it.)

Scoops: (gasps) Wait just a minute!

(Scene: the next day, in the park. The camera pans down from the Big City Times building to Becky, sitting alone on a park bench, feeling alone and dejected. Bob dances by her.)

Becky: Thanks for the silly dance, Bob, but it’s not working. I’m still sad. The city doesn’t love me anymore.

(Bob chatters sadly, picks up a harmonica and gets ready to play it for her, just as Scoops comes by waving a newspaper.)

Scoops: Becky, Becky, check it out! I wrote another article for the Big City Times. Front page!

Becky: (reading) Granny May is a bingo cheater?! Granny May’s criminal ways exposed? Granny May was using a magnetic duck to cheat and win unfairly! WordGirl was right all along? Dinosaurs ARE extinct, and WordGirl loves old ladies! And in conclusion, the city should once again trust WordGirl… the city’s REAL  undefeated  hero! Oh…

Scoops: Mister Woodward Bernstein called it a hard-hitting piece of investigative journalism. I’m really proud of it because-- Becky?

(He looks over, and sees that Becky has stood up and is listening to the sound of people chanting, “We  adore  WordGirl!”.)

Narrator: And so, we end where we began. WordGirl is an  undefeated  hero,  adored  by the city she protects. Join us next time for another exciting episode of-- WordGirl!

(As the episode closes, WordGirl is being tossed in the air by her fans, and Pointing lady’s baby is now dressed in a WordGirl outfit. We then see a final shot of the bingo cage, just as two balls comes down the track with pictures of WordGirl and Huggy on them.)