New Leaf

(scene starts out at the Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs is looking at Plankton through a telescope)

Plankton: (waving a white flag) I surrender!

Mr. Krabs: Eh? I wonder what form of trickery is up that miniature Cyclops’s sleeve this time. (walks up to Plankton) Alright, Plankton, I don't know what you're trying to pull on me, but I'll tell ya right now, it ain't gonna work.

Plankton: There's no pulling, Krabs. Can't you see my peace offering?

Mr. Krabs: What is this? (takes the flag and looks at it) Ha-ha! Very funny, Plankton! But you're gonna have to do a lot better than taking a stab at my illiteracy to offend me.

Plankton: Don't you get it, Krabs? I give up. I'm through competing with you!

Mr. Krabs: But what about all those fevered attempts at trying to steal my Krabby Patty recipe?

Plankton: Exactly! They've all been just attempts. And every single one a miserable failure. I can feel my arteries clogging up with anxiety just thinking about it. (sighs) Let me show you something. (scene cuts to them walking into the Chum Bucket, which is full of spider webs) Look at this place!

Mr. Krabs: (runs into a spider web) Aah! Crimony, Plankton, you ever heard of spring cleaning?

Plankton: What's the point? Do you know when the last time I had a customer was?

Mr. Krabs: Actually, I can't recall you ever having a customer.

Plankton: Well, there he is. (points to skeleton animal on the table) That's why I've decided to quit the restaurant business altogether, and turn the Chum Bucket into...this!

Mr. Krabs: You want to turn your restaurant into a pile of junk?

Plankton: No! These are knickknacks...for the new gift shop I'm opening up.

Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Come on, this has got to be a joke, right?

Plankton: I'm serious, Krabs. Soon the Chum Bucket will be a nice little store for bric-a-brac and bubblegum.

Mr. Krabs: All right, Plankton. But be aware, I'm not letting me guard down.

Plankton: Guard away, my ex-enemy. I'll just be here starting my new competition-free career. (hums as Mr. Krabs walks away)

SpongeBob: What's going on Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: Plankton's concocting another hair-brained scheme to steal me recipe. So keep your eyes peeled.

SpongeBob: Whatever you say, cap'n. (peels eyes)

Mr. Krabs: Now that's an employee who follows orders. (loud jack hammering is heard) What in blazes is that noise? (Plankton reveals the new name of his business: "Chumporium")

Plankton: Ah, would you look at that? I have a feeling I'm gonna like this new life of novelty items.

Mr. Krabs: Uh-huh. Clever, Plankton! Two can play at this game.

SpongeBob: (holding a snow globe) Mr. Krabs, look at this cool knickknack I got at the Chumporium.

Mr. Krabs: (takes the snow globe) Hmm, I know there's a microphone or camera in here somewhere. (tries to open it)

SpongeBob: Uhh, Mr Krabs, I really don't think there's anything weird in there.

Mr. Krabs: Eh, we'll see about that. (walks to a door) I'll just put this in here for safekeeping. You hear, Plankton? Join your other friends from the past. (throws snow globe into a room full of Plankton's past schemes then locks the door) Now nobody's getting to see anything. Don't you understand; this is all part of his ruse. It's just cosmetic. He thinks he can take us out. But we'll show him. We're gonna out-fake the faker. Well, it looks like old Plankton is really going through with it. I guess we don't have to worry about him anymore. Yup, we sure whipped him this time. Okay, boys, the coast is clear. Plankton's turned over a new leaf.

SpongeBob: That's some good news, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: It sure is, you little half-wit. And you know what else is good news? We can finally use that DJ system. Hit it, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Right away, sir.

Mr. Krabs: Let's party! (music plays) Ow! I won! It's time to boogie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Squidward: This is idiotic.

Mr. Krabs: Dance or you're fired.

Squidward: You got it, Mr. Krabs. (dances)

Mr. Krabs: (opens front door) How do you like them apples, you little... (record scratching)

Plankton: (carrying a toy seal behind him) Come on, buddy, let's get some shut eye. We've got a big day ahead of us at the Chumporium Gift Shop.

Mr. Krabs: Wait a minute. (sneaks over to the Chumporium) What the...? (sees a bunch of novelty items inside through the window) Store shelves? Novelty toys? Lava lamps? (gasps) Useless knickknacks? Very convincing. But I'm still not buying it. You want a battle, Plankton? I'm gonna give you a war. (scene cuts to Mr Krabs walking into the Chumporium. Plankton is dusting off his knickknacks)

Plankton: Ah. A clean snow globe is a happy snow globe. (laughs)

Mr. Krabs: Plankton! You may have fooled everyone else, you might have even fooled yourself, but you ain't fooling me.

Plankton: Oh, I get it. You caught me red-handed. (laughs then sighs) Those were the days, huh Eugene?

Mr. Krabs: Grrrrrrrrr...

Plankton: But I found there more to life than just trying to steal your formula. I found it all right here in novelty items.

Mr. Krabs: Bubkes.

Plankton: Ah, Eugene. Stuck in your old ways.

Mr. Krabs: Bubkes! If there's one thing certain in this world, it's that you can't resist me formula. (takes out the formula) You know you want it.

Plankton: Thanks, but no.

Mr. Krabs: A-ha! A-ha, I knew it. (chuckles) It was all a trick to get me to hand over me... Wait, did you say no?

Plankton: Well, if you don't believe me, that's your problem not mine.

Mr. Krabs: Problem?! I don't have a problem! You're the one with the problem! Look at this. It means nothing. It's all a facade, a hoax, a con, a front... (throws one of the shelves down. Plankton gasps) ...a sham, a snow job... (throwing snow globes onto the ground and breaking them) ...baloney with a side of flimflam and an order of jive! See?! Who's the one with the problem?!

Plankton: Look what you've done. This is my livelihood.

Mr. Krabs: Sure it is. And this isn't the formula that you don't want. Come on, eh? Eh? Whoop. Too slow.

Plankton: (screams) GEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Krabs:(gasps) Oh, I get it. Stick to your guns, and eventually we all believe it. Soften us up and when our backs are turned, you'll make your move. (drops the formula) Oops.

Plankton: What's this? (groans) Hey, Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Huh? What? I knew you'd come back.

Plankton: You forgot something. (throws the formula back at Mr. Krabs) Can't you understand I've wasted so much time chasing after you? And now I have something that's mine. And it makes me...happy. (walks off)

Mr. Krabs: I never thought I'd see the day. What happened to the invertebrate I used to know? Plankton! (cries loudly. Scene cuts to night. Phone rings in the Chumporium as Plankton is taking a shower)

Plankton: Coming, coming. (answers) Yo.

Mr. Krabs: Uh, Plankton?

Plankton: Eugene?

Mr. Krabs: Uh, hey.

Plankton: Hey.

Mr. Krabs: Listen, uh, I just wanted to...you know...apologize for my behavior today. Wasn't right what I done. And I realized I hurt the feelings of, uh...of someone I care about. You still there?

Plankton: Yeah. I'm still here.

Mr. Krabs: Heh, good. Uh...I want to make it up to you. What do you say we grab a soda?

Plankton: Sure. (scene cuts to the next day at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs and Plankton are sitting at a table with sodas)

Mr. Krabs: Glad you could make it, buddy.

Plankton: So, what's this about, Krabs? (sips his soda)

Mr. Krabs: I thought that since we're no longer archenemies, maybe...maybe we can start over.

Plankton: Yes. Yes, I would like that very much. (scene cuts to Mr. Krabs and Plankton walking along the pier then playing pool) I guess I won. (both laugh. Scene cuts to both in a hot air balloon, on a slide, eating cotton candy, then at a trust booth)

Mr. Krabs: Uh, I don't know about this, Plankton.

Plankton: Oh, come on. Just fall back. Trust me, I'll catch you. (chuckles. Mr. Krabs falls back and Plankton strains to keep him up. Scene cuts to both sitting on the edge of the pier)

Mr. Krabs: That was truly amazing, Plank, old buddy. I guess I really can trust you 100%.

Plankton: Thanks, Eugene. That means a lot to me.

Mr. Krabs: And just to prove it to you, I want you to have something.

Plankton: Oh, no, no, no, come on now. No gifts.

Mr. Krabs: No, no. I want you to have this. It's the secret formula.

Plankton: I can't believe you would even think...

Mr. Krabs: Things are different now. Honestly. It would mean a lot to me.

Plankton: You...you're serious, Eugene. If I take this formula from you now, there will always be a hint of doubt.

Mr. Krabs: Come on, take it.

Plankton: You sure? (Mr. Krabs nods) Life is good, Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Sure is buddy. Sure is. (screen fades to black. Plankton appears)

Plankton: Yeah, baby! This is it. Yeah! Whoo! Woo-hoo-hoo! Oh, yeah! (laughs. Runs into his Chumporium) I got it! I got it! My diabolical, extremely convoluted plan worked! I should've been a politician. (laughs. Opens up the formula to read "GOTCHA! Love, Krabs". Lights turn on)

Mr. Krabs: I never gave you the formula. I fooled you with an even more convoluted charade. (laughs and walks out. Plankton screams)