Say Cheese

Ted (2030): Children, your aunt Lily has always been among those who like their birthday. Really.

The alarm goes off at 12: 00 and Lily wakes.

Lily: It's my birthday!

Ted (2030): It's a good thing she married Marshall.

The clock shows 9: 00.

Lily: It's still my birthday!

Ted (2030): Because he loves to prepare on birthdays.

Marshall enters the room carrying a tray.

Marshall: Feliz cumpleanos, baby. The theme of this breakfast in bed is... "Spanish Interlude." (A musician enters the room and opens the curtain Marshall) How have we landed on the lyric rolling hills of northern Spain? Baby, it will be huge tonight. We five, dinner well dressed, and Ted brings your cognac cheesecake Pumpkin at Edgar. I'll go shopping super secret birthday. And I took him because I do not like the way he looks at you.

Robin, Barney, Marshall and Lily's birthday party at the latter's apartment Marshall and Lily.

Lily: A new camera! Thank you, Marshall. I love it!

Marshall: Small bonus, I took pictures of me naked before packing. With a node.

Lily: There was not a knot.

Marshall: On the other device.

Lily: Thank you. I will make great photos of our group with that.

Ted (2030): Children, have you seen the photo album of Lily... Bound in leather, acid-free paper, adorable handwritten captions. And most importantly, the group photo. Nice picture, eh? But what you do not see are the 10 seconds before this photo was taken.

Flashback

10 seconds before the photo...

Lily: I want the perfect group shot. Marshall put yourself between Robin and Barney.

Barney: Why?

Lily: You know... Light, color, balance, aperture...

Robin: You say stuff pictures. Expect. You do not want it to look like a couple, right?

Lily: Of course. You will not last! The photo is forever.

Barney: How dare you?

Robin: It's so rude.

Barney: It's true.

Robin: Totally. It is a tightrope, but still.

Ted (2030): We hated group photos of Lily.

End flashback

Lily: Okay, I am perhaps a little bossy, but I want to remember it all. Like tonight. I imagine no better birthday being with my 4 best friends only. (A knock at the door) And Ted's here.

Lily opens the door.

Ted: Happy Birthday! Here is Amanda.

Lily: And Amanda...

GENERIC

Marshall: Ted, you had to bring a cheesecake, but you've brought two shopping bags and a girl who knows not. My name is Marshall. Welcome. Ted talks.

Ted: Amanda will make a cake for Lily. She is head. We met at the restaurant last week when I returned my soup. Fortunately, she has such beautiful hair it not bother me a bit to eat.

Amanda: I've nicknamed "Lose hair 'at work.

Lily: I'm really happy you make me my cake.

Marshall: In honor of the 32nd anniversary of Lily, I expected a lot of great games, beginning with... "Lil-ial Pursuit." Who has the number 1?

Amanda: Me.

Marshall: Sure. Okay, this is Amanda begins. You have 32 seconds to answer a ton of questions. And... Here we go. Lily's favorite color?

Amanda: Well, she wears pink, so I'll say pink.

Marshall: It's Robin.

Amanda: Her favorite color is... leg.

Marshall: I think Ted whispered the word "yellow". It is equally untrue. (Later...) This game is called... raising the cost of perfection.

Lily: Pretty.

Marshall: Thank you. You wrote all that you love our queen of the day. And Lilypad, you must guess who wrote what. "From his friends to his students, Lily that everyone in his life..."

Ted: Lily is a teacher. Hence the "students".

Marshall: "... feel loved. She makes the best cookies oatmeal raisin-, The Goonies knows by heart... "

Ted: Lily saw The Goonies just after his parents separated. After that, she had real problems of trust.

Marshall: "And that's the strongest person I know. I can not imagine my life without her. I love you, Lily.

Lily Robin.

Robin: Of course it was me.

Lily: Come here.

Marshall: Too cute. Lily, guess who wrote it. "You look really nice."

Lily: I would say Amanda.

Barney: No, it was me. And I meant it.

Amanda: Well, I'm going to finish the cake.

Lily: Tell me if you need help. (Amanda from the kitchen) Quick, group photo! All front of the fireplace.

They gather by the fireplace.

Ted: Wait, I'll find Amanda.

Lily: No problem, it is occupied. The bother, come on.

Ted: Wait... You do not want Amanda on the picture, right?

Lily: Well, you know, auto focus, speed of obstruction, zoom...

Ted: Lily, what's the matter?

Marshall: Who wants a party hat? I'm a bird! All do the bird!

Ted: Tell me the truth.

Lily: Of course not. I let another of your bitches spoil my memories.

Ted: Lily, what are you talking?

Lily: Ted, you always do that. You bring a girl knows that not all our evenings with us.

Ted: That's not true.

Lily: Really? So, let us walk bitch Street Shuffle.

Lily pulls out a photo album.

Marshall: Or we could continue the descent on the Avenue Best Birthday.

Barney: I Can Vote? Street bitch! Street bitch!

Marshall: My friends, I made a song for tonight. Follow me, the chorus is this: Merry, Merry Lily-anniversary...

Lily: Christmas morning, there was 4. Our first Christmas together, just us five. Here's another nice little game. It's called, Appoints This Bitch.

Ted: That's Pap Pa......

Lily: False. You think the Santa Claus, because it was Christmas.

Robin: Funny. Every year my mother took tea with her friend Easter Bell. Not so funny.

Ted: I remember, this is Sarah.

Lily: Almost. This is Leilani. She had to come at Christmas because, you said, "Folks, this may be good." And this is not the only "maybe good". Eve 2007, Barney, Lily, Robin, Ted, Marshall and "It's good" Emily. The funeral of Uncle Cecil Robin, Marshall, Lily, Robin, Barney, Ted and... "It proves that you selected the eyes closed" Isabelle. My appendicitis, Robin, Marshall, Barney, Lily, Ted, and it... you've admitted, you just wanted to make. Compliance.

Barney: You remember the yoga teacher that got you into my birthday?

Flashback

The band is at McLaren's.

Barney: Thank you. You believe not just enter. Look! Look! Why not look at you! This is Slash from Guns N'Roses!

Lily: Group Photo!

End flashback

Barney: And we have had. We had a group photo with Slash on my birthday. Great, huh? Eh?

Robin: It was there, we know the end.

Barney: False!

Robin: The funny for this photo. I plottait ass.

Lily: Oh? So do I.

Barney: And me too. He has how many hands?

Ted: Normal if it is good guitarist.

Marshall: Actually, sorry, man. I had you taken to Lily.

Robin: Wait. Look at these pictures. Barney always has the same pose and all these years.

Barney: Yes, at this point, I have never an old head on the photos. Neither ever or always.

Robin: It's gotta be a lousy picture of you.

Barney: Nope, not at all.

Robin: And in elementary school? We all have school pictures ugly.

Barney: Not the Barnacle. I always look awesome mortally. Not like Marshall, who seems to be ingeniously death.

Ted (2030): He was right. Your uncle Marshall is many things well, but for the pictures, it's terrible.

Marshall: They are not all bad. Like... this. Look. I have my eyes open.

Barney: You really put a knot!

Robin: A crisp, Barney?

Barney: Of course.

Robin takes a picture of Barney eating a chip.

Robin: I! A photo ugly.

Barney: You sure?

Robin: No! Wait! You ate a potato chips! Where's the chips?

Barney: It's physically impossible for me to take a picture ugly. I know why. Ask God.

Ted: Lily, sorry for Amanda. But I'll say. You make your spoiled rotten. You in all your statements because you think I messed up two three photos?

Lily: These girls have ruined so many things, or you forget Paris.

Robin: This is what happened in Paris?

Lily: In the first year of college, I studied in Paris, and I had not seen Marshall since 2 months.

Marshall: 2 months. And I just started making love. I was not ready to stop for 2 months.

Lily: And Marshall came to me to spring break. And at the last minute, Ted decided to go with the girl he had just to get back, Karen.

Flashback

Marshall, Ted and Karen are in an airplane.

Ted: I'm so excited you're here.

Karen: I'm so excited to go to Paris.

Marshall: I'm so excited to remake love.

Ted and Karen kiss.

Lily: But just before takeoff...

Karen: Wait, I must tell you something.

Ted: Really? Because I think I want to tell you the same thing.

Karen: Do your thing is, I slept with the philosophy teacher last night? Because I do.

Lily: And so began the longest 7:30 of Marshall's life. When I went to look for...

Karen: Ted broke. I have to sleep in your room this week.Marshall will go with Ted.

End flashback

Marshall: 2 months! My balls were blue! Blue!

Lily: It will not surprise you, but the rest of the trip was horrible. I did a picture of a romantic kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower, I actually had. It was just between Karen and Francis, our server yesterday.

Robin: It's terrible. My laptop is just... fell. You me collected?(Barney looks to pick it up) Mouse, m*therf*cker! I!

Barney: You sure?

Robin: Wait. How you do that?! You were not even standing!

Barney: The camera loves me. Much more than that. The device I want. The unit wants to put on underwear, put an Al Green CD, dim the lights and do all the work while I was still lying with closed eyes.

Ted: I feel sorry for Paris and group photos ruined, but... when you're single, you must hope that every girl is good. I mean, Erin.Irene.

Lily: Emily. Isabelle.

Ted: And Sarah.

Lily: Leilani! What's your problem?

Ted: At the time, I thought each of these girls could be good, but I have to keep hoping. I have no choice.

Lily: Here is another. More random bitch to my birthday! Hey, baby!

Amanda: You have a cake rack?

Lily: The drawer under the oven. I can not wait. You're the best!

Robin: I'm sorry, Ted. I agree with Lily on this. This kind of evening is hard for someone new. That's why I have not brought Don. When I was in Japan, this guy, hot date for our third, took me to his brother's wedding. Now I, a complete stranger, am on the photo album of the marriage of a Japanese couple forever.

Flashback

A Japanese couple looking at a photo album.

Woman: Names that bitch!

Man: Uh...

End flashback

Lily: You should listen to Robin.

Ted: Because Robin is your best friend.

Lily: Right.

Ted: Your best friend on Earth.

Lily: Absolutely.

Marshall: Attention Lily. It's a trap.

Ted: Before being your best friend, what was she? That's it. One of my random sluts.

Lily: Yes, okay, Ted. This bitch has proved some nice, but except for bitches, not the rule of bitches.

Robin: I'm starting to cry.

Marshall: It puts an end to all this conversation about the bitches.Back to the birthday song! Barney, your part is this: "She's cute She's cute."

Ted: I bring these girls to party because you are important. You are my family.

Marshall Robin. Your part is this: "And nice and sweet and so nice! "

Lily: Yes. We are a family. So why these parties can not they be us?

Flashback

Marshall, Robin, Lily and Barney are at the restaurant when Ted comes accompanied by a woman.

Lily: Like the time we celebrated the success of Marshall to the bar.

Ted: Here's the disgusting smelly hippie with whom I go out.

End flashback

Ted: I did not say that!

Lily: It's as if you had done.

Flashback

Ted: Here's Framboise.

Marshall: You must order more food?

Ted: No. Raspberry does not eat.

Raspberry: I am a vegetarian.

Lily: Let us raise our glasses. During the last 3 years, Marshall has worked so hard, and I am so proud of you.

Raspberry: Meat is murder! (She throws her drink in hand and cook) Murder!

End flashback

Ted: I confess. Raspberry was a mistake. But how would I know?

All: It was called Raspberry!

Ted: If this is so important, Amanda is not in the picture. It does not spoil your birthday. Give him a chance.

Marshall: Look. We're all friends again! Now working on the harmonies. Merry, Merry Lily-versary! Merry, Merry Lily-versary!

Amanda: And that's it. I hope you will like.

Lily: "Happy 42nd Birthday, Lori."

Ted (2030): Children, you remember the look "you're dead to me" Lily, she has this expression before exploding in a rage?Well, that was not it. But it was that of Marshall.

Marshall: "42nd"? Does the f*cking bomb appeared to have 42 years? Or worse, she has a mind to call Lori?!

Lily: No, Marshall, it does not matter.

Marshall: If Lily is serious. Get out of this stranger in my house!

Amanda: I'm sorry.

Marshall: Out!

Amanda poses the cake and leaves. Ted was also released.

Ted returns to the apartment Marshall and Lily.

Ted: Amanda refuses to return. She thinks you hate it. Marshall, you have to go apologize.

Marshall: You've ruined Lily's birthday and you want me to apologize? At worst, you should apologize.

Ted: What are you talking?

Marshall: You bring her girls at our parties, and it lets them believe that things are serious. After the largues when you, you know to whom they turn? Me. I was the cleaning crew of your girlfriends for years.

Flashback

February 2005...

Marshall: I had just returned from a marathon to study the law library. Hi, Natalie, where is Ted?

Natalie: We broke... again! You sit with me a little while? Just sit down?

Marshall: You know what? I have not slept for 36 hours. Just a few minutes.

End flashback

Marshall: And at first I was totally sympathetic. But damn, Ted, over the years, you made me cynical.

Flashback

February 2005...

Marshall: I'll get us something to eat, and we'll talk about it until it is clear.

In 2007...

Woman: I just thought we had something special, you know?

Marshall: Me too. Yeah. But you know, life goes darling.

In 2009...

Woman: I know if I'll get over it.

Marshall: Shut up.

End flashback

Ted: Sorry that my search for love has you so upset. You know, your precious photos might be better if I was not over.

Barney: They would be if Marshall was not on it.

Marshall: Cheap Shot. Low blow.

Ted: You know what these pictures? A big lie. We ask. They are retouched. They are what you want but not the reality.

Lily: This is not true!

Ted: Oh? Look at that one. Halloween, there is 2 years old. You had not played because you wanted to disguise yourself as a penguin.

Marshall: It's not that she would not, but she said that penguins are zero. Penguins.

Ted: And yet you're there, smiling as if nothing was wrong, completely wrong. Robin's birthday, there is 3 years old. Robin had a cold, and you made him remove his pajamas for the photo.

Robin: And you got me pinched cheeks very hard for them to be pink.

Lily: Yeah, but you were beautiful.

Robin: And then we all ate chocolate cake in my bed.

Marshall: Actually, it was a good evening.

Lily: It's true.

Ted: Yeah, that was good.

Lily: Look at that one. This is the first picture of us three.

Marshall: It's true.

Ted: Do you remember what happened?

Flashback

Ted and Marshall are caught in photo.

Man: Well, are you ready?

Ted: Wait, we take what poses? The two cops friends?

Marshall: No! Why not sitcom of the 80s with two roommates who never agree?

Man: Cool. Fine. One, two...

Lily enters the room.

Lily: Hi, Marshall. Ready for the film?

Marshall: Yeah. Just one second per cons. We are writing history. We'll take our first picture of roommate.

Ted: And if you came to ask us?

Lily: Really?

Ted: Yeah.

Marshall: What are you doing, Ted? And if one breaks?

Ted: And if you break it?

Marshall: Come.

End flashback

Lily: I had totally forgotten that. Marshall and I were together for only a few weeks and you invited me in the photo.

Ted: I liked you.

Lily: We must bring back Amanda.

Ted: Really?

Lily: You believed in me. It's my turn to believe in you. As far as I know, this is good.

Ted: Thank you, Lil.

Robin: I think Lori's age made him very wise.

Barney: It is said that it was after 40 years we know each other really.

Ted (2030): So your aunt Lily called Amanda.

Lily: Come on everybody, come here. Let's make a memory.

Ted: Marshall, try this. Keep your eyes closed until the last second and when I say, open them.

Robin: It's a hole in your jacket?

Barney: What? Where?

Ted: Now, Marshall!

The picture goes off.

Robin: sh1t!

A year later...

Lily: Names that bitch.

Ted: Ann has...? Anna?

Lily: No, it was my birthday.

Marshall: Your brain is too predictable associations.

Lily: Come on, everybody. Come here. Let's make a memory.

Barney: Is there anything in the sauce that you've made? It tastes like... coriander. And... you know that cilantro makes me...

The photo is triggered when Barney sneezes.

Robin: Yes!

END