I'm There for You Babe

[In the teaser: In D.J. & Stephanie's bedroom, Stephanie is sitting on her toy chest playing a game. Michelle comes in.]

Stephanie: Can I help you?

Michelle: Stefie play horsey.

Stephanie: Stefie's very busy. Stefie doesn't wanna play horsey.

Michelle: Yes she does.

Stephanie: No she doesn't.

Michelle: Yes she does.

Stephanie: No she doesn't.

Michelle: [taking the cue of Stephanie's "crying routine"] Yes she does.

Stephanie: Okay, let's play horsey.

Michelle: Yay!

Stephanie: How could I fall for the old crying routine? I invented it.

Jesse: [repeated line] I'm there for you, babe.

Stephanie: We have to go to school on Uncle Jesse's birthday?

Danny: Oh, don't worry, honey. I'm sure they'll have some assembly program in his honor.

Danny" [to Jesse & Joey] Guys, I've got some news. Jess, you get out your new appointment book. Write down: "7:30 tonight, Sam Battersby, Smash Club".

Jesse: Sam Battersby? The music critic from the "San Francisco Mirror"? That Sam Battersby?

Danny: Yep. He was on the show today and I talked him into coming to hear your band tonight.

Jesse: Danny, I've been trying to get this guy forever. How did you do it?

Danny: I just used my wit, my charm, and my two Giants tickets.

[Later in the kitchen, Stephanie is preparing the dough for her bake sale cookies, as Mr. Bear "looks on".]

Stephanie: Mr. Bear, while Uncle Jesse's baking cookies for the bake sale, you'd better let me lick the bowl. You've put on a couple of pounds.

[Then suddenly, from the back door, we hear...]

Jesse, D.J. & Kimmy: [singing] 'Na na na na, hey hey, goodbye!' Yeah! Whoo! [They high-five each other.]

D.J.: We creamed those nerd-bombers.

[The next morning, Jesse is still asleep in his bed, exhausted from the dismal performance the night before.]

Jesse: [singing] B,I,N,G,O. Go, Bingo.

Stephanie: Uncle Jesse, wake up. [clap clap]

Jesse: [singing] N,G,O! Oh, Steph, thanks for waking me up. I was having a horrible nightmare.

Stephanie: There's an article in the paper about our band.

Jesse: Oh, no, it wasn't a nightmare. [He hides under the pillow.]

Stephanie: Listen to this. "If you missed 'Jesse and These Other Guys' last night, you're luckier than I am." [He groans.] Wait, there's more. "They were so bad, a room full of tone deaf metal-heads were forced to flee the building."

Jesse: Let me see that. [He wakes up and grabs the paper.] Gotta be something good in here. Tone deaf. Right here, see? The bright spot of the evening. "The bright spot of the evening was the inspired keyboard playing of the adorable Kimmy Gibbler."

Stephanie: Adorable? Are you sure it doesn't say, "a doorbell"?

Jesse: That's it. My career is over.

Danny: Jess, you promised to help me with my car.

Joey: And my jingle.

D.J.: And my soccer.

Stephanie: And my cookies.

Michelle: And Jack.

Jesse: No problem. We'll just tow the car down to the soccer field, and while I'm fixing the car, I'll crank up the rear-view-mirror, so I can see the field and I'll coach the game, and during halftime I'll run over to the school cafeteria and bake those cookies, and while I'm there, I'll get that Jack out of the box, and Joseph, don't worry about that jingle because I'll be whistling. I'll whistle while I work, people, this is your Uncle J. It may take a split-second timing, but I can make this work.

Becky: You can't wear a bathrobe to the wedding.

Jesse: The wedding. How can I go to the wedding? I got soccer balls to bake, I gotta tune up the dentist jingle. Make the carburetor pop out of the box. What's wrong with you people?! Just because I'm 26, doesn't mean I can do 26 things at once! Because I can't! I can't!

Kimmy: Did you read our review? [Having already read it, he goes back under the pillow.]

Michelle: Don't worry, be happy.

Jesse: [seeing that the family has decided to give him a day off] But what about all those things I promised to do for you guys?

Joey: All taken care of. I got us more time to work on the jingle.

Becky: And my cousin Sharon will keep me company at the wedding.

Stephanie: Daddy's baking my cookies.

D.J.: Joey's coaching soccer.

Danny: And Mr. Goodwrench is fixing my car.