Love at First Byte

(Workers are seen in front of the Flynn-Fletcher house preparing for block party)

Man: (dejectedly through a walkie-talkie to Linda) Yeah, roger, Madam Chairwoman. We do have confirmation that the fireworks area has been flooded.

Linda: (through the walkie-takie) I understand. You can't do anything if your wicks are wet.

(Phineas and Ferb walk over)

Phineas: Hi, Mom! How's the setup coming for the big block party?

Linda: I'm totally overwhelmed and now I have no fireworks for the big finale.

Phineas: Anything we can do to help?

Linda: Oh that's sweet boys.

Man: (Through the walkie-talkie) Madam Chairwoman, we have a code blue at the beignet bus.

Linda: Yes, OK. I got it. (to the boys) I'm at my wit's end and I've got no finale.

Phineas: What about a laser light show?

Linda: That's a great idea! (she hands a stack of papers to Ferb) Here's a budget and a list of companies that do light shows. Uh, can you just handle it for me? I've gotta run. (she runs off) Thanks so much!

Phineas: (at Ferb) You know, I think it might be easier to do the light show ourselves. Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today-I mean tonight.

(Ferb throws the papers over his shoulder and Lawrence walks up pushing speakers on a furniture dolly)

Lawrence: (he rolls his tongue) Hello, hello hello! Can you guess what my DJ costume is for tonight's big Mardi Gras block party?

Phineas: Uh... scary post-apocalyptic handpuppet?

Lawrence: Why does everyone guess that? No, I'm a Mardi Gras jester. Speaking of which, where's Perry?

(Perry is in his lair in front of the monitor)

Major Monogram: Hello there Agent P. Your assignment concerns tonight's big block party. We've intercepted intel that Doof is planning on attendin' tonight's festivities "just for the fun of it". We need you to attend the block party and confirm that he's not up to no good. (pause) I realize that's a double negative but I think it still works. Not up to no good... yeah, i-it works. Unfortunately since your surveillance will take place in close proximity to your hosts, you will need to be in disguise for the duration of your mission. Carl, activate the hydraulic costume chamber.

(carnival music plays as Agent P is put in a balloon animal costume)

Major Monogram: Oh Agent P, you look adorable as a balloon animal. Now, get out there and laissez le bon temps rouler. ("Let the good times roll.")

(Perry salutes and floats off)

(Candace and Stacy are in Candace's room talking)

Candace: This dumb block party totally is throwing off my entire day. Jeremy's stuck working the Slushy Dawg concession, my parents are busy with preparation, and the boys are so preoccupied with the party they haven't done anything remotely bustable all day.

Stacy: (looks out the window and sees the boys in the backyard) Umm, I'm probably gonna regret this, but wouldn't a giant robot insect count?

Candace: Woohoo! I'm back in the game.

Stacy: (flatly) What horrors did I just unleash?

(Candace and Stacy run out into the backyard)

Candace: Phineas, Ferb, what is the giant insect robot thingy?

Phineas: It's not a giant insect robot thingy, it's—

(Ferb drops down in front of Phineas and holds out his hand for a wrench, which Phineas promptly gives to him)

Phineas: It's part of the light show extravaganza for the block party's big finale.

Candace: Huge. Impossible. Bustable. MOM! (she runs off to find Linda)

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

Doofenshmirtz: Ok Norm, you ready to head out to the block party?

Norm: I'm not going.

Doofenshmirtz: Don't tell me you're still bummed out about not having a date.

Norm: Yes, yes I am.

Doofenshmirtz: Quit your whining. Just go stag like me.

Norm: You mean dress up like a wild forest creature with antlers?

Doofenshmirtz: Ah... not quite. I tried that and it did not go well.

(Doofenshmirtz flashes back where he is in a deer costume, and tied to a car)

Doofenshmirtz: H-hello? I think I may have come to the wrong address.

(End flashback)

Doofenshimrtz: Come on Norm. You might meet a nice popcorn machine or a blender or something.

Norm: You had me at popcorn machine.

(Linda carries various party supplies and Candace runs up to her.)

Candace: Mom Mom Mom Mom!!! Do you know what Phineas and Ferb are doing?!!!

Candace and Linda: They're working on the big finale for the block party tonight!

Candace: Wait, what'd you say?

Linda: I asked the boys to help out with the finale for the party.

Candace: On purpose?

Linda: Yes, Candace, on purpose. I really need the help.

Candace: But, but, but, but, but...

Linda: Now leave them alone so they can get the job done.

(Linda walks away and Stacy comes over toward Candace)

Candace: Situation: unbustable.

Stacy: Ooh, tah-wist!

(Phineas and Ferb show off their invention to Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet)

Phineas: Presenting the Pyrotechnic Holographic Light and Audio Simulator and Electro-magnetic Radioscope!

Ferb: Or P.H.L.A.S.E.R for short.

Buford: Why not just use fireworks? Isn't that traditional for a finale?

Phineas: It may be tradition, but the P.H.L.A.S.E.R is way cooler without the danger of loosing a didget.

(Ferb walks over and pretends to pull off part of his own finger)

Buford: Quit it, Ferb! You're creeping me out man.

Phineas: As soon as we polish off the lenses, we're good to go. Come on guys, let's grab some towels.

(Candace and Stacy sit in lawn chairs watching the gang as they walk off)

Candace: Situation: unbustable.

Stacy: (sighs) Then why are we sitting here? (she grabs Candace's hand) Come on Chuckles, let's have some fun.

Candace: No can bust. No have fun.

(Perry bounces off the tops of port-a-potties)

Occupant 1: Occupied!

Occupant 2: Occupied!

Occupant 3: ¡Ocupado!

Occupant 4: Oui, oui!

(Perry lands behind a booth and takes out binoculars to spy on Doofenshmirtz and Norm)

Doofenshmirtz: (to Norm) Okay, you see that cute popcorn machine over there? You just gotta walk up to her and say something smooth. Do you remember your opening line?

Norm: You've got a pretty hot oil pan.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh yeah, you got game now. (a man with a cotton candy machine stops next to the popcorn machine) Now, see someone else is making a move. You snooze, you lose, Norm.

Norm: I guess I'll just have to get used to being alo-(Norm spots a beautiful girl robot, and angelic music plays) oOONE.

Doofenshmirtz: Norm are you ok?

Norm: My inner circuitry seems to be overloading.

Doofenshmirtz: Aww man. I left the electrical tape in my other labcoat. (He notices what Norm is looking at) Oh now I get it. Y-y-you've got a thing for that girl robot. Ah, she's not bad. I think you got a chance with her if you play your cards right.

Norm: What do I say? I do not believe she has an oil pan to complement.

Doofenshmirtz: Just introduce yourself and, you know, ask her what her sign is. And then run the other way if she says Sagittarius.

Norm: Thank you, sir!

Doofenshmirtz: Go get her, Norm.

(Norm walks over to the female robot.)

Norm: Hi, I'm Norm. What is your sign?

Female Robot: Hi, I am Chloe. I am a Pisces.

(Norm looks around awkwardly and then walks back towards Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: Well?

Norm: You did not tell me what to do if she is a Pisces.

Doofenshmirtz: In my experience you get married, and then subsequently divorced but we don't have time for that. We gotta get you rolling.

(Balthazar walks up to Perry at the booth)

Balthazar: Excuse me can I- (Perry shushes him and gives him a balloon fedora) Thanks!

Doofenshmirtz: So are we clear Norm?

Norm: Talk about her interests, and try to find something in common.

Doofenshmirtz: Right, but don't be too obvious. Women like it when you challenge them, and act all superior.

Norm: That does not seem logical.

Doofenshmirtz: We are talking about women here, right? Okay, now remember, don't forget to stay cool.

Norm: No problem, my compressor is from a refrigeration unit.

Doofenshmirtz: What are you telling me for? I'm the guy who installed it.

(Perry's wrist communicator beeps)

Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P. just checking in to see if you noticed any evil activity from Doofenshmirtz, (Perry looks up to Major Monogram is standing right there, with Carl holding up a backboard) there's a-- Monogram out. (He walks away)

Carl, why didn't you tell me he was sitting right there?

Norm: Hello Chloe.

Chloe: Hello Norm.

Norm: So, what's your prime directive?

Chloe: My core competency is dancing.

Norm: What a coincidence! My core competency is being superior, and challenging those whose core competency is dancing.

Chloe: We shall see about that. I accept your challenge. See you an the dance floor.

Norm: See you there. Right after I defrost, because I am so cool. (He walls over to Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: Well?

Norm: She wants to dance with me, but now I am nervous.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, go on now. You just got to get out of your own head.

Norm: How do I get out of my own head?

Doofenshmirtz: Just get out there on the dance floor, and strut your stuff Normy-G.

Norm: Commencing stuff strutting.

Lawrence: Alright, I want to see everyone out there on the dance floor. Parents, kids, giant robots, sure why not? Let's kick this party into second gear!

Phineas: (In the backyard) Oh, wow that's our cue, time to fire up the P.H.L.A.S.E.R. guys. Are the lenses all clean?

Buford: The lenses are good, but all the blood's rushed to my head.

(Ferb fires up the P.H.L.A.S.E.R., sending a laser into the sky, bouncing it off a cloud, and bathing the partygoers in light. This light cleans one partygoer of his tattoos)

Man: Hey! my tattoos are gone! Now I can finally be an accountant!

(The P.H.L.A.S.E.R. light catches the attention of a few cats who begin to chase it)

Stacy: (After seeing a bunch of cats chasing a laser) Okay, that's like a lot of cats.

(Song: "Robot Love Song")

Chloe: I see you there,

You're scanning me.

My optic relays detect

A bona fide anomaly.

Norm: Well, I'm here, squirrel drive online,

As the diodes spike up my metal spine,

I can see where you're coming from,

When your receptors blink, and your servos hum.

So over-clocked, I don't know my name,

There's something wrong in my core mainframe.

Don't you know that I'll take you to a higher place ,

As we meet on the floor, and we interface.

Chloe: I sense a change in my info stream,

From renovated positronic sequencing.

You used to have such an 8-bit feel,

With your screw-on head, and your squirrel wheel.

Now I'm forced to reevaluate,

My old motherboard and my data rate.

I'll move my chassis to a higher place,

As we meet on the floor, and we interface.

Chloe and Norm: Don't you know that I'll take you to a higher place,

As we meet on the floor, and we interface.

(Norm's head launches off his body, and crashes into the P.H.L.A.S.E.R. launching it into space)

Phineas: Looks like the finale is ahead of schedule, glasses everyone!

Isabella: Already on it.

(Isabella and the Fireside Girls put safety glasses on the party guests)

Norm: Everyone looks smaller than the usually do from up here. And that is already pretty small, because I am so tall.

(The grand finale begins bathing everybody in light)

Candace: Whatever.

Linda: Ooh, I've got to go and thank the boys.

(Norm's head lands back on his body albeit upside down)

Chloe: Oh, Norm, your performance exceeded my previous computations.

Norm: I had to get out of my own head.

Lawrence: Well, what a phenomenal finale to our finale. Congratulations and cued us to our two winners. And there wasn't even a contest.

Doofenshmirtz: Wow, you were smooth-tastic. Are you going to introduce me to your new girl?

Norm: Why yes, of course. This is--

Rodney: Chloe, what are you doing?

Doofenshmirtz: Rodney. Wait, wait, this is your robot?

Rodney: Come Chloe. Let's get you away from this, rusted Romeo.

(Chloe and Rodney walk away)

Doofenshmirtz: Oh yeah? Well I, I'm too flustered to come up with an insult, so I'll call you later, and give it to you then. Come on Norm.

Norm: Goodbye Chloe. "Parting is such sweet sorrow."

Chloe: That is a reference from Romeo and Juliet, so I shall say "goodnight 'til it be morrow."

Doofenshmirtz: See you don't need her Norm, she's a know it all. Ugh, ooh, look, corndogs!

Linda: (She walks into the backyard) Boys are you here? I just wanted to say-- Phineas! Ferb! You are so busted!

Candace: What!? Get out of the way! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did I hear you just bust Phineas and Ferb?

Linda: I certainly did. (Candace giggles under) What are all my good guest towels doing out here? And they're filthy!

Candace: (Stops giggling) Towels?

Phineas: Oh, sorry mom.

Candace: Towels!?

Phineas: We'll clean them up.

Linda: Yeah, you get right on that. when you're done we'll have beignets.

Candace: So let me get this straight, after everything they've done this summer, you decide to yell at them for a few dirty towels?

Linda: Isn't that enough? (Walks away)

Candace: Way to make a mockery of my lifetime goal Mom. Towels.

End Credits
Chloe: I sense a change in my info stream,

From renovated positronic sequencing.

You used to have such an 8-bit feel,

With your screw-on head, and your squirrel wheel.

Now I'm forced to reevaluate,

My old motherboard and my data rate.

I'll move my chassis to a higher place,

As we meet on the floor, and we interface.

Chloe and Norm: Don't you know that I'll take you to a higher place,

As we meet on the floor, and we interface.