Escape Wham

Transcript for Escape Wham
Narrator: At the museum, the  boisterous  Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy is about to make off with a rare sandwich related artifact.

(Scene: the museum. A pedestal in the middle of a dark room is illuminated by an overhead light. Chuck’s hand is shown rubbing the top of a containing sitting on the pedestal, wiping frost away to reveal its contents. The museum curator walks by a door just as he opens the container. The curator turns on the lights and stares in horror as Chuck holds up the contents of the container, which looks like a crown-shaped ice cream sandwich.)

Chuck: Finally! Henry the Eighth’s ice cream sandwich is mine!

Narrator: How is that even possible? They didn’t have freezers back then. Did they?

(Both Chuck and the curator ponder this.)

Narrator: Aw, forget it. Get back to the action.

Chuck: Right! This sandwich will be the king of my collection! Ha-ha-ha! (He tosses it into a cooler.) And if anyone tries to stop me, they’ll get mayo-ized!

Curator: Uh, excuse me… mayonnaise makes me nauseous. I had a very bad experience once. In camp. Just so you know.

Chuck: Then mustard-ized?

Curator: Oh yes! That would work much better. Thank you.

(Chuck prepares to spray mustard over him, but a loud explosion beside him knocks him to the ground.)

Chuck: Who dares to stand in the way of Chuck the E-- oh, no!

(He sees that there is a large hole in the wall, and The Whammer comes through it.)

Whammer: Is that really you?

Chuck: Oh, hey, uh-- Whammer.

Whammer: (laughs) Chuckie! Sandwich-headed man…

Chuck: No actually, it’s Chuck the--

(The Whammer comes over and hugs Chuck tightly.)

Whammer: Whamma-lamma-ding-dong!

Chuck: I don’t really like to be touched…

Whammer: Oh, Chuckie! Whammer missed ya!

Chuck: Yeah, well…

Whammer: Remember when the Whammer was your sidekick?

Chuck: Yeah, and we ended up in jail?

Whammer: Whammer’s come a long way since then! Chuck it out!

(He holds up a hammer.)

Whammer: I just whammed Henry somethin’ somethin’s Whammer Hammer! Can you believe it?

Curator: Um, it’s not Henry something, it’s Henry the Eighth.

Whammer: Henry the who?

Curator: Eighth. Henry the Eighth. The number eight.

Chuck: Seriously, don’t even try.

WordGirl: Well, well, well! Chuck and the Whammer.

Chuck: WordGirl!

Whammer: Chief Hairy Feet!

WordGirl: Wow, are you guys working together again?

Whammer: (grabs Chuck) Wham!

Chuck: Um, not exactly…

WordGirl: Alright then. Chuck, I’m taking you and your sidekick down!

Chuck: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait!

Whammer: Whammer’s not Chuckie’s sidekick.

Chuck: Right.

Whammer: We’re partners!

Chuck: Yeah-- wait, wait, wait, what?

Whammer: Together we’re gonna wham this city to its knees!, Yeah, wham!

WordGirl: I’ll admit, you guys have  potential  as a criminal duo.

Chuck: What? No we don’t-- he’s totally annoying!

Whammer: Yeah,  PO-tential ! Wham!

WordGirl: Huggy and I have taken you  boisterous  boys down before, and we’ll take you down again!

Chuck: Hold on, timeout, slow down! Whammer and I are NOT--

(Whammer jumps in front of Chuck and puts his fists together.)

Whammer: Wham!

(He continues to throw shock waves at WordGirl, and she dodges each of his whams.)

WordGirl: Ha! Try whamming THIS on for size!

(She holds Huggy in her hand, and throws him at Whammer.)

Whammer: Oh yeah? Well, TWO can wham at THAT game!

(He picks up Chuck.)

Chuck: Hey, no! WHAMMER!

(Whammer throws Chuck, who runs into Huggy. They both fall to the ground.)

Chuck: Ow! Medic!

WordGirl: Ha! One down, and Whammer to go!

(She laughs and snorts.)

WordGirl: Heh, heh. Nice one.

Whammer: You may have whammed this round, WordGirl, but Whammer will be back. Wham!

(He blows another hole in the wall, and takes off.)

Curator: Um, excuse me, you could have just used the door.

Chuck: (picking himself up off the floor, holding his head) Ohhhh!

Narrator: Later, in the lair of the Whammer…

(Scene: An abandoned gym, with a hole in the side of the building in the shape of Whammer. He is sitting on a race car bed, eating chips and watching TV.)

TV Reporter: And today, Chuck the Evil Sandwich something-or-other was apprehended by WordGirl…

Whammer: Oh, Chuckie Sandwich-Face. Don’t you worry. I’ll wham you out of this. Even if I have to wham through WordGirl and Captain Monkey-Monkey to do it!

(He continues eating chips until the bag is empty, then wads it up and throws it over his shoulder.)

Whammer: Hmm… maybe I’ll give him a call.

(Digs around for a phone book, then starts flipping through it.)

Whammer: Let’s see… Pul… lease… station. P. We’ll start there. Puh-O...P-O… hmm…

Narrator: Meanwhile, at the police station…

(There is a police lineup made up of Amazing Rope Guy, Chuck, Big Left Hand Guy, and Sammy Sub. WordGirl and Huggy, the museum curator, and Officer Jim stand on the other side of the glass. The museum curator looks over them, then points to Chuck. In the next scene, they take Chuck’s fingerprints, which are shaped like sandwiches. He then has his mug shot taken. Then he sits in an interrogation room with WordGirl and Huggy, while the police watch through a window. WordGirl sits on the table, and places a sub sandwich in front of him, but when he goes to reach for it, Huggy snatches it away and eats it.)

WordGirl: No more messing around, Chuck! Tell us where your  boisterous  partner in crime is!

Chuck: But I don’t know! Trust me, if I knew, I’d tell you, I would--

WordGirl: So we’re supposed to believe that it was a complete coincidence that you were both stealing Henry the Eighth’s stuff from the museum at the same time?

Chuck: Yes, it’s the truth!

WordGirl: Huh.

(She looks over at Huggy, and they both jump off the table and sit on chairs. Huggy, who has now finished the sandwich, sucks the last of his drink through a straw. Then the phone rings. Huggy pushes the phone over to WordGirl, and she picks it up.)

WordGirl: Hello.

Whammer: Hello? WordGirl?

WordGirl: Yeah, this is WordGirl.

Whammer: It’s the Whammer!

(WordGirl points accusingly at Chuck, and puts the call on speaker.)

Whammer: Is my partner Chuck there?

Chuck: I’m not your partner--

(Huggy jumps up and pushes him back in his seat.)

Whammer: Hang in there, partner. I’mmmm comin’ for you! And after I wham you out, we’re gonna take over this city! Wham! All we have to do is wham you into a better criminal.

Chuck: WHAT?

Whammer: Don’t wham me wrong, you’ve got a lot of, uh… what’s the word?

WordGirl: Uh,  potential ? It means the possibility to become really good at something.

Whammer: Wham?

WordGirl: Well, you feel like Chuck has the  potential  to be a great criminal, if only he worked a little harder at it, right?

Whammer: Exact-a-mundo!

Chuck: Are you people nuts?! I have the--  POTENTIAL  to be a great criminal? No, no, no, I already AM a great--

Whammer: Got to go pardner. Next time I see ya, we’ll be whammin’ it together on the outside! Yeah!

WordGirl: Not if Huggy and I have anything to say about it!

Whammer: Okay, bye-bye, WordGirl.

WordGirl: Bye Whammer.

(He hangs up.)

WordGirl: Not partners, huh?

Chuck: No, I-- we-- uh… it’s no use.

WordGirl: Come on, Huggy. Time to implement Operation Transport-Chuck-the-Evil-Sandwich-Making-Guy-from-the-police-station-to-the-jail!

(Huggy throws up his hands and chatters loudly.)

WordGirl: What? The name covers all the bases.

Narrator: Later, out on the open road…

(Scene: an overhead view of the road, with WordGirl looking down on a vehicle. She speaks into a walkie-talkie.)

WordGirl: Eagle to Ground crew, Eagle to Ground crew. Come in. (No response.) Ground crew? (Pause) Huggy?

(Huggy chatters over the speaker.)

WordGirl: Come on, we worked on this! You’re Ground crew!

(He chatters again.)

WordGirl: Ugh, alright fine. Captain Huggy Face, be ready for anything. The Whammer can be  boisterous , and has the  potential  to be a real headache. There’s no telling what sneaky and devious scheme he might-- whoa. Is that him in the middle of the road?

(The Whammer is standing in the road, waving up at WordGirl.)

WordGirl: Alright, well, I didn’t see that coming.

Whammer: This is for my partner, Chuck the Sandwich Head Man. Whaaaam--

(He puts his fists together and directs a shock wave toward WordGirl, knocking her to the ground. Meanwhile, the truck, which is a prisoner transport vehicle, stops in front of Whammer. The guards look at him nervously, and Whammer raises his fists and sends a shock wave toward the vehicle. The guards eject themselves from the vehicle to avoid being hit. Whammer approaches the destroyed transport truck.)

Whammer: Don’t worry Sandwich Head, Whammer’s got you!

(The Whammer pulls a figure who looks like Chuck from the back of the truck. Meanwhile, WordGirl climbs out of the hole that was created when she fell to the ground. She spots Whammer running off with Chuck, brushes off the dirt, and flies after him.)

Whammer: Yeah, Whoa! Ready to reach your  po-tential , Sandwich Man? That’s what the Whammer teachin’ you. You’re gonna be the best whammin’ partner ever! Yeah!

WordGirl: He already IS the best whammin’ partner ever!

Whammer: WordGirl?!

(He throws “Chuck” to the ground, and we see that it is actually Huggy dressed up as Chuck.)

Whammer: Who are you? Sandwich Monkey Monkey? Oh.

WordGirl: Ha ha! We tricked you! Huggy was just a decoy. The REAL Chuck is headed for prison in a fake bread delivery truck on Main Street! He-he! Thought you could defeat WordGirl, did-- Hey, where are you going?

(Whammer runs off down the street.)

Whammer: I’m comin’ for you, Sandwich Man!

WordGirl: Ooh. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned the bread truck.

(Huggy nods in agreement.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the back of the bread truck…

(Scene: Chuck is sitting in the back of a bread truck, looking content. The driver looks to his left, and sees the Whammer running by him. He tries to avoid the Whammer, causing bread to fly everywhere inside the truck. The driver looks up and sees Whammer standing in front of him, and slams on the brakes. Whammer puts his fists together and delivers a blow to the truck, causing it to stop in front of him.

Chuck: Whoa, hey! Evil genius back here!

(Whammer knocks out the sides of the truck.)

Whammer: Wham! Wham!

Chuck: Hey, watch it!

Whammer: Come on, Sandwich Face! I’m whammin’ you out of here!

WordGirl: You’re not whamming anywhere!

(Huggy chatters at her, and she looks back at him.)

WordGirl: I can’t help it. That whole whamming thing is kind of contagious!

Whammer: Forget it, WordGirl! Sandwich Face and I are whammin’ out of here whether you like it or not!

WordGirl: Time to take you  boisterous  boys down a few notches!

Whammer: Boister- who?

WordGirl:  Boisterous ! It means rowdy, noisy and wild. Like a--

Whammer: Oh yeah! The Whammer is  boisterous ! Wham!

WordGirl: Hey, I wasn’t done with my word lesson yet! You can’t just cut--

Whammer: Wham! Wham!

(He continues to wham WordGirl with shock waves. She grabs Huggy and gets out of range.)

WordGirl: Okay, that’s it! Huggy, initiate plan number nine hundred eighty-seven point-- two!

’(She launches Huggy at him. Huggy lands on Whammer’s head, and shoves his hat down over his eyes.)

Whammer: Whoa! Help! I can’t see! Chuckie! Do somethin’!

(WordGirl flies toward him. Chuck raises his condiment ray and shoots ketchup at her. She lands on the ground covered in ketchup. Huggy comes up from behind her and also gets covered in ketchup.)

WordGIrl: Ketchup Cocoon!

Chuck: That’s right, WordGirl! Did you actually think you could defeat Chuck, the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy?

(The Whammer finally pulls his horned cap off of his head, revealing he has a blond mohawk haircut.)

Whammer: And the Whammer? Right, partner?

Chuck: Yeah, um listen, Whammer, I really do appreciate you coming to rescue me and all, but, uh…

Whammer: No problem bro, Whammer thinks you have a lot of  po-tential  as a criminal! Whammer really does!

Chuck: Oh, and about that--

Whammer: Chuck doesn’t need to say anything more! The Whammer already knows you’re totally ready to start your training. Yeah!

Chuck: Training?!

Whammer: In no time, you’re gonna stop messin’ up, and start whammin’ like a whammer! Yeah, whammer, whoo!

Chuck: W-w-w-wait, ME messing up?

Whammer: Oh yeah, Whammer’s gonna help you become a--

(Chuck shoots off his horned hat with a blast of mustard.)

Chuck: Help? No-no-no, h-here’s some help for YOU! With a side of mayo! Here, Whammer-- wham THIS!: And THIS! And THIS!

(Whammer is backed up into the bread truck, but manages to avoid getting hit with mayo.)

Whammer: (cracking his knuckles) Okay, Chuckie. You wham me no choice! WHAM!

(He delivers a powerful shock wave toward Chuck, but it misses Chuck and ends up freeing WordGirl and Huggy from their ketchup cocoons.)

WordGirl: Thanks, guys!

Chuck: (to Whammer) Great-- now see what you did?

Whammer: You started it!

Chuck: Forget it! We’ll finish this later, just take WordGirl and the monkey down!

(Whammer puts his fists together and tries to deliver a shock wave punch to WordGirl, but his powers fizzle out.)

Whammer: I can’t. I’m all whammed out.

Chuck: Fine, I’ll do it then! WordGirl, monkey, take THIS!

(Chuck raises his condiment ray. But when he tries to fire it, ketchup only dribbles out.)

Chuck: Oh…

WordGIrl: Eww! That’s embarrassing.

Chuck: Oh, yeah? Well how about THIS?

(He assumes a tough stance, and gets into a staring contest with WordGirl. After a few minutes he turns away.)

Chuck: RUN!

(Whammer turns and follows after Chuck.)

WordGirl: Yup, that’s embarrassing too.

(WordGirl takes off with Huggy. As Chuck and Whammer run down the street, Huggy lands in front of them.)

Whammer: Hey! Monkey Sandwich Face!

Chuck: Now you’re just mixing our names toge--

(WordGirl comes up from behind them carrying the bread truck, and uses it to scoop them up inside.)

WordGirl: Well boys, looks like this bread’s going back to prison! Ha-ha!

(Huggy chatters at her.)

WordGirl: Yeah, I’m not sure what I meant by that either.

Narrator: And so WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face once again show the true  potential  of good teamwork. And the  boisterous  bad guys Chuck and his partner The Whammer--

Chuck: No-no-no, we’re NOT partners!

Narrator: --once again goof everything up and get captured. Tune in again next time for another packed-to-the-gills-with-thrills episode of-- WordGirl!

(During the closing, Whammer tries to scoot closer to Chuck, and he keeps moving away. Then the guards who had ejected out of the original truck are shown hanging by their parachutes in a tree, and as WordGirl flies by with the bread truck, she scoops them up as well.)