Drug Testing

Jim: So, yesterday, Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot - which is unfortunate because, as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs.

Ryan: I don't think Michael's ever done drugs...I don't know if anyone's ever offered him any...

Dwight: Oscar visited Mexico when he was five to attend his great-grandmother's funeral. What does that mean to a United States law enforcement officer? He's a potential drug mule.

Dwight: Do you know what this is?

Phyllis: Yes, it's marijuana.

Dwight: How do you know that?

Phyllis: It's labeled.

Creed: That is Northern Lights cannabis indica.

Dwight: No...it's marijuana.

Jim: I'm just saying...that you can't be sure that it wasn't you.

Dwight: That's ridiculous - of course it wasn't me!

Jim: Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember...

Dwight: I would remember!

Jim: Well how could you if it just erased your memory?

Dwight: That's not how it works!

Jim: Now, how do you know how it works?

Dwight: Knock it off - I'm interviewing you!

Jim: No! You said I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here - now exactly how much pot did you smoke?!