The Grasshopper Experiment


 * (Penny is practicing mixing drinks for the guys in her apartment.)
 * Penny: Sheldon, what are you gonna have?
 * Sheldon: I'll have a Diet Coke.
 * Penny: OK, can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.
 * Sheldon: Fine, I'll have a Virgin Cuba Libre.
 * Penny: That's, um, Rum and Coke without the rum.
 * Sheldon: Yes.
 * Penny: So Coke.
 * Sheldon: Yes. And would you make it diet?
 * Penny: There's a can in the fridge.
 * Sheldon: A Cuba Libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge.
 * Penny: (sarcastically) Then swim to Cuba.
 * Sheldon: Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.


 * Sheldon is drunk and singing "L'Chaim" on the piano at Penny's bar.
 * Leonard: I don't believe it. What's gotten into him?
 * Penny: Oh, maybe a couple of virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kinda slutty. (holds a bottle of alcohol up to Leonard)
 * Leonard: (smiling) You didn't.
 * Penny: Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.


 * Raj: I can't believe I'm sitting here next to little Lalita Gupta!
 * Lalita: Well, you are...
 * Raj: Little Lalita...That's kinda fun to say. (Chants Little Lalita three times) You should try it!
 * Lalita: No, its okay....
 * (Raj sips his Grasshopper)
 * Raj: You have lost so much weight! It must have been so hard for you because you were so, so fat! You remember?
 * Lalita: Yeah...
 * Raj: Of course you do! Who could forget being that fat!?


 * Raj: Back off, Sheldon.
 * Sheldon: What?
 * Raj: If you do not stop hitting on my lady you will feel the full extent of my wrath.
 * Sheldon: I’m not hitting on her.
 * Lalita: And I am not your lady.
 * Howard: And you have no wrath.
 * Raj: You are my lady. Our parents said so. We are for all intents and purposes one hundred percent hooked up.
 * Lalita: Okay, let’s get something straight here. The only reason I came tonight was to get my parents off my case, I certainly don’t need to be getting this old world crap from you.
 * Sheldon: Exactly the kind of spirit with which Princess Punchali led the monkeys to freedom.
 * Raj: Oh, screw Princess Punchali.
 * Lalita: Hey, you can’t talk to me like that.
 * Raj: But you’re not Princess Punchali.
 * Sheldon: Luckily for you, she could have you beheaded.


 * Raj: Can you believe how pushy she is?
 * Leonard: So don't call her.
 * Raj: If I don't call her, I won't hear the end of my parents.
 * Leonard: So call her.
 * Raj: How could I call her? You know I can't talk to women.
 * Leonard: I'm done. Anybody else?
 * Howard: Give me the phone.
 * Raj: Why?
 * Howard: Just give it to me. (Dials)
 * Raj: What are you doing?
 * Howard: Don't worry. You'll thank me. (imitating Raj) Hello, Lalita, Raj Koothrappali. (Raj starts to chase Howard across the room.) Yes, it is good to talk to you too. So, what are you wearing? Oh, not important, so, anyhow, when would you like to meet? Friday works for me. And I call you with the time and place, but in the meantime, keep it real, babe. (In his own voice) You may now thank me.
 * Raj: For what, making me sound like a Simpsons character?