How Captain America Should Have Ended

(We begin with the birth of Captain America)

Erskine: Mr. Stark.

(The container opens revealing Johnny Storm until it closes again)

Erskine: Whoap! No no no! You see nothing. He's not ready yet. Just a few more seconds aaaaaand... (the container pings) Ah, there we go.

(The container opens revealing a muscle-bound Steve Rogers)

Steve: SUPERHERO STEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOIIIIIIIIIDS!!!!!!

(Cut to Steve flying The Valkyrie)

Captain America: The plane is headed to bomb New York. If I don't force it down now, a lot of people are gonna die. I gotta put her in the water.

Peggy: Please, don't do this. We have time. We could work it out. Just turn the plane around.

Captain America: I wish I could but there's just no time. It's just on the cards, y'know?

Peggy: What do you mean? Do you not have control of the plane?

Captain America: No, I've got control.

Peggy: Are the bombs set to explode on a timer? Can you not disarm them?

Captain America: I actually got rid of most of them already. They're not even bombs, relly more like these tiny little airplanes with ejector seats and everything. I even flew one!

Peggy: You what?!

Captain America: Nothing! You know, they even painted the names of the cities in bright painted English, too.

(Flashback to Dr. Zola painting a city name on a plane with Red Skull observing him)

Arnim Zola: But vhy do vant it in English, sir? We are German.

Red Skull: Do not QUESTION MY GENIUS!

(Back to Present)

Peggy: Then why can't you pilot one of the bombs back here before the plane crashes?

Captain America: That sure sounds nice. It's just too late.

(Beat)

Peggy: You turn that plane around right now!

Captain America: Can't do it.

Peggy: You are being ubsurd!

Captain America: I'm gonna need a raincheck on that dance, Peggy.

Peggy: You're not even going to LOOK for a parachute! Something! Just right into the ground!

Captain America: I really wanted to take you dancing.

Peggy: I'm really starting to doubt your interest in this relationship!

Captain America: Oh, I'm so alone up here! With no option of survival, it's so heartbreaking! (moving the controls downwards) The plane's going down!

Peggy: You know what, fine! Crash your stupid plane! Freeze to death if that's what you want! See if I care! (leaves)

Captain America: (over the radio) It's so sad! I don't want to freeze to death! Thanks for the muscles but it's too late now! AAAAAAAAAAAAA-!

(Radio cuts to static as The Valkyrie crashes into the ice. Cut to Present Day in The Super Cafe. Batman and Superman sing a parody version of Cap's theme song)

Both: When Captain America throws his mighty shield, All those who choose to oppose his shield must yield. Superman: Unless your a plane Batman: Or a bomb Superman: Or some ice Batman: Then he'll choose to take a nap Superman: Cause the ice seems nice Both: When Captain America throws his miiiiiighty shiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeld!

(The two heroes laugh.)

Captain America: Haha, guys. You're hilarious.

Superman: Hey, I'm Captain America! I can sock old Hitler on the jaw!

Batman: Yeah, just make sure someone else pilots the plane to get me there. Right?

Superman: You remember Hitler, right?

Batman: That other guy you were fighting, before you froze yourself.

Captain America: Hey, I had no choice. Okay?

Superman: Don't crash the plane in warmer waters.

Batman: I wanna swim when I'm chasing submarines.

(They resume laughing)

Captain America: Oh, like you two could have done it any better!

(They stop laughing)

Superman: Are you kidding? Dude, I catch falling planes in midair, like, every other week.

Batman: And I'm Batman.

Captain America: Okay okay, fair enough. But wait! Sssshhh! Do you guys hear that?

Batman: Hear what?

Captain America: Is that The Justice League calling?

Superman: I don't hear anything.

Batman: Yeah, me either.

Captain America: Exactly.

The end.

Superman: Ohoho!

Batman: Whamo!

Superman: Captain America burn.

Batman: Easy there, Major.

(Cut to those armoured flamethrower HYDRA Guys discussing their plan to capture Cap)

HYDRA 1: Okay, vhen he gets here, I'll do my hands like zis and you do your hands the same, and on ze count of drei we catch him with a fence of fire.

HYDRA 2: Or ve could just burn him. Isn't zat ze purpose of having flamethrower arms? (gets whacked by Cap's mighty shield)

HYDRA 1: Jesus! Fenco of fire! Fence of fire! (headshot)

Captain America: Haha! Take that, Hydra Nazis!

(YouTube outro)

Superman: Hey, thanks for watching. We hope you enjoyed it.

Batman: Leave us a comment and don't forget to subscribe.

Superman: Click on another video if you want some more superheroes.

Batman: Yeah, like mine!

Superman: Or mine.

Batman: Or mine.

Superman: Or Iron Man.

Batman: Yeah, or mine. (whispering) BecauseI'mBatman.