The Metallikats

Act One
Fango: Best katnip in Megakat City, Katscratch. Pure Kathmandu. See? It’s the good stuff! ( sniffs )

Katscratch: ( laughs )

Molly: Where did you learn to drive, the demolition derby?

Mac: So I ran a couple a’ stop signs.

Molly: Yeah, and here they all are.

Mac: Look, are we goin’ in, or are we gonna yammer?

Katscratch: Who the–?

Mac: Sorry we’re late, boys. Unavoidable delays.

Katscratch: Mac? Molly? Is that you?

Molly: Aw, Mac, they remember us.

Mac: They oughta! We used to run this mob!

Katscratch: We heard youse drowned. Tryin’ to bust outta Alkatraz.

Fango: Yeah, and what’s with them voices? How come you guys sound so weird?

Mac: It’s not just our voices that’ve changed, Fango.

Molly: We had a complete makeover. Whaddaya think?

Katscratch: I think youse two should’ve  stayed  dead! It’s  my  mob now, and  you  guys… are history!

Mac: What a shockin’ developement!

Molly: The rest of you lugs listen up! The Metallikats are runnin’ this city, now! And as soon as we finish some personal business…

Mac: Like rubbin’ out that crud Mayor Manx!

Molly: …we’re gonna tear up this town like a scratchin’ post!

Mobster #1: Uh, you’re the boss!

Mobster #2: Whatever ya say!

Mobster #3: We’re with ya, guys!

Mac: Thanks for your confidance. Creeps! But traitors like you don’t fit into our new plans. Molly and I are our own gang now, and we’re dealin’ all of  you … out!

Mobster #3: Nuts to that!

Mac: So long, losers!

Mobster #4: Huh?

Razor: Can we believe this thermal thing, T-Bone? I think I'm gonna see this deactivator and let it charge for the rest of awhile. Any ideas?

T-Bone: No sign of the devices, Mr. Razor. Thermal sensor has detected an explosion by the harbor.

Razor: Better take a look.

T-Bone: It’s the tuna factory. Aw, what a waste!

Razor: Lowering the X-Ray Scope.

T-Bone: Aahh! What the heck was  that ?!

Razor: Well, whatever it was, it’s goin’ over 200 miles an hour!

T-Bone: No kiddin’. I’m goin’ after it! Aren't you gonna put the hover mode and use the bomb?

Razor: Negative, T-Bone. We’ve got other priorities. The X-Ray Scope reveals activity inside that burning building. We’ve gotta help them first! Put us in hover mode, T-Bone. I’m gonna try a foam bomb.

T-Bone: Roger that. Fire’s under control. Goin’ in to help casualties.

Razor: Looks like the cavalry’s arrived.

T-Bone: Which is our cue to split. They can get inside faster than us.

Feral: Ha! The SWAT Kats. I figured those hoodlums had something to do with this. No matter Razor and T-Bone are both could get what they want, Whatever they want.

Ann: And you say the SWAT Kats are responsible for this fire, Commander Feral?

Feral: Absolutely! A lot of you out there may consider the SWAT Kats to be heroes, but I think this wanton destruction proves what criminals those two really are!

Ann: Deputy Mayor Briggs, do you have any comments on this?

Callie: With all due respect to Commander Feral, I don’t think he has a shred of evidence to support his attack on the SWAT Kats.

Feral: Fango! Up to your neck in trouble again, I see. Talk to me, you creep. Did the SWAT Kats do this?

Fango: It wasn’t the SWAT Kats. It was Mac and Molly Mange. They  did it.

Feral: You’re crazy! Mac and Molly have been dead for months.

Fango: No, no, they ain’t dead! They’re some kinda robots now! Callin’ themselves the Metallikats! They’re back from the dead to get revenge! And Mayor Manx is next on their list!

Feral: Mayor Manx? Why  him ?

Ann: Didn’t the Mayor deny their parole, Deputy Mayor?

Callie: That’s correct. If anyone deserved to spend all their nine lives in jail, it’s those two.

Fango: Then you better tell the Mayor to crawl into the deepest hole he can find and stay there! Bullets don’t stop the Metallikats! Nothin’ stops ‘em!

Feral: Take this trash out of here. Don’t worry your little head, Briggs, the Enforcers will handle this situation.

Callie: And if you can’t, I know two heroes who can.

Jake: Have you seen the paper?

Chance: Hey! I’m tryin’ to watch  Scaredy-Kat ! It’s an 80-hour marathon!

Jake: What’s about that fire we put out?! Paper says it was caused by a pair of robots called the Metallikats.

Chance: Fine, let Feral handle it. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m trying to watch  Scaredy-Kat.

Jake: Chance, it says here the Mayor’s in danger.

Chance: Look, watch what happens when Scaredy-Kat opens the closet again.

Jake: Callie could be in danger, too.

( Chance hurriedly changes! )

T-Bone: Hey, come on, you slouch! We’ve got work to do!

Jake: Hey, hey, hey! You're the slouch one! Not me.

T-Bone: If you say so, Mr. Bossypants.

Manx: Ah, there’s too much at stake here. Can’t afford to fail. Last ball, Manx. This one’s for the game.

Callie: Mayor! You’re in grave danger!

Enforcer Call: All units in the area, please respond.

Razor: Got an interesting emergency call comin’ in, T-Bone. Try the police band.

Enforcer Call: All available units, armored vehicle out of control, main and central. Please respond.

Razor: Could be the Metallikats. Whaddaya say, T-Bone?

T-Bone: I say let’s kick some robot tail!

Mac: Choo-choo! Make way for the Metallikat Express! ( laughs )

Molly: Mac, you are absolutely the worst driver in history!

Mac: I don’t have to drive well in this little hotrod. Everyone else jumps outta the way!

Razor: On second thought, We could see the highlights of metaly things. Maybe not.

T-Bone: Time to use the Shark Missile to deploy!

Razor: Mmm hmm! Deploying Shark Missile, now!

Mac: Aahh! What’s goin’ on?!

Molly: It’s the SWAT Kats!

Mac: Those pests! I’ll teach ‘em a lesson! The Relentless Missile!

Razor: Looks like who's having a bad mood while they're having a bad breakfast.

T-Bone: Hang onto your stomach! We’re climbin’!

Razor: Just glad I skipped lunch!

T-Bone: You can forget about supper, too, if we can’t shake this missile! I don't even like that skipping lunch!

Act Two
Razor: 20 meters and closing!

T-Bone: It’s a heat-seeker! It’s stayin’ right on our engine exhaust!

Razor: It’s like tryin’ to lose your own shadow! I guess if could be a heat-seeker while stayin' right on our thing exhaust!

T-Bone: Yeah, but this shadow’s carryin’ high explosives!

Razor: Carryin' high explosives?! What do you mean carrying these highest things?!

T-Bone: That's right, we should get a different, and that's the truth!

Manx: Feral will hold them. I mean, nobody’s better than Feral, right?

Callie: Let’s hope so, Mayor, for our sakes.

Mac: So sue me! How was I supposed to know that was your sister’s car back there?!

Molly: You always hated my side of the family! Sometimes I don’t even know why I  married  you!

Feral: Wait for the order, men.

Mac: Ready?

Molly: Ready.

Feral: Mac and Molly Mange, you’re under arrest! Surrender, or we’ll fire!

Mac: Knock yourself out, Commander!

Feral: Fire!

Enforcer Commandos: ( grunt, struggle )

Mac: The Mayor’s on the tenth floor. Take the inside route.

Molly: And what are  you  gonna do?

Mac:  I’m  goin’ up  this  way!

Manx: No, no! This can’t be happening!

Mac: You’re  still  there?

Molly: I’m goin’, I’m goin’!

Manx: We’re done for! Nobody can stop those machines!

Callie: Except the SWAT Kats. I hope.

Razor: Callie’s calling on the distress band!

T-Bone: One crisis at a time! Guess it’s time for Plan Z!

Razor: Aw, T-Bone, I hate Plan Z!

T-Bone: No other choice, kiddo.

Razor: (angry hits T-Bone) You're the kiddo, for the crisis crying out loud!

T-Bone: Apologize. Prepare for engine shutdown!

Razor: Engine’s cold. Launching Decoy Missile! Great job, T-Bone. What a team! Where are these woods anyway?

T-Bone: We’re not outta the woods yet! The engines won’t restart!

Razor:  This  is why I hate Plan Z! (angry growls)

T-Bone: Your good at launching that Decoy Missile. But.... (laughs) Oh boy, Feral likes that cartoon, Scaredy-Kat! Because, he is smiling that he should get up and dan - (Razor angrily hits T-Bone again) Ouch!

Razor: What did you say?!

T-Bone: I said your decoying stuff. Apologize. Who cares?

Manx: I don’t know about you, but I’m getting the heck out of here!

Callie: Mayor, stop! The other robot’s in the building somewhere!

Razor: We have to eject!

T-Bone: No way!

Razor: Oh, how did I know you were gonna say that? Any all of these ideas that you could get a tiny miracle is all you ask that who's bringing the litterbox?

T-Bone: C’mon, baby, you can do it! One tiny miracle is all I ask! I thought we bought the big litterbox for sure that time! Ah, but the Turbokat came through for us, just like always.

Razor: Hey, T-Bone, it’s Callie again. My turn. What's the matter Ms. Briggs?

Callie: We really got a huge problem, Mr. Clawson. The Metallikats are trying to mega massacre this Megakat City!

Razor: Any other bright ideas how can we gotta stop the Metalliklutz?

Callie: Well, I'd say, That we are gonna tell the Professor who is a bodyguard, And the truth is that we should get volunteers. That will help.

Razor: Eureka! That's a terrific idea!

Callie: Hope you two can keep an eye on it. Love you, Razor.

Razor: Me too. Okay, T-Boy! You're up!

T-Bone: Yes, Ms. Briggs? What’s the problem?

Callie: I’m in the Mayor’s office, T-Bone, and right now I could really, really, use your help! Aahh!

T-Bone: Mayor’s office!

Manx: Come on, come on!

Molly: Mayor Manx, I was just lookin’ for you!

Mac: Well, well. Look what the kat dragged in.

Manx: Please, please, I beg you! I’ll make any deal just don’t hurt me!

Mac: Too late, Mayor. You had your chance to make a deal with us earlier, when we offered you a fat bribe for our parole. But ya turned us down.

Manx: Bribe? What bribe? What parole? I swear I don’t know what you’re talking about! But Mac, Molly, please. Life’s just dealt you some bad cards, that’s all. There are good days, and bad days–

Mac: No! You  dealt us the bad hand! You don’t get it, do ya? It began two months ago, on Alkatraz Island…

( Begin flashback. )

Mac: Okay,  first  Katscratch.

Molly: What about money, and transportation?

Mac: Okay, okay! First  the bank,  then  Katscratch!

Molly: We’d get there faster if you’d help me row.

Mac: Shut up! I hear somethin’.

Molly: Whaddaya hear?

Mac: I dunno! Can’t see a thing in this soup.

Molly: I’m still alive. What’s… wrong with my body? M-Mac? Mac, where are you?

Mac: Behind ya, Molly.

Molly: Mac, we’re all silvery and weird! What’s happened to us?

Mac: ( angry ) I don’t know, but I’m gonna wring the neck of the guy who did this to us!

Prof. Hackle: That would be my neck, young fellow. I think the masks are good likenessess. Eventually, I’ll create full bodysuits for you to wear. No sense scaring everybody every time you go into public.

Mac: Who are you?

Molly: Why’d you do this to us?

Prof. Hackle: My name is Professor Hackle. When my robots found you, your bodies were destroyed. The only way to save you was to plant your minds inside my robots.

Mac: ( shocked ) We’re robots?! You turned us into tin cans?!

Prof. Hackle: I know this is a shock, but in every way, you are faster and stronger. The only difference now is your bodies are steel, instead of flesh.

Molly: We’ve still got our brains, right?

Prof. Hackle: I’ve transferred your memories onto a hard disk.

Molly: ( unnerved ) Mac, I don’t like this…

Mac: ( gaining confidence ) I dunno, I think I could  get  to like this! I’ve never felt so powerful, like I could rip apart this whole town with my bare claws!

Prof. Hackle: ( reassuring ) Indeed you could, my boy, but fate has delivered you to me for another reason. My whole life I have created such weapons of destruction for the military. Laser weapons, rockets, even bombs. However, now I have turned my efforts toward making a contribution to katkind. That is why you two are so important. As soon as you are healed, I will present you both to the scientific academy. Imagine the great minds that could be saved with this form of brain transplant. ( sadly ) And history will forgive me. ( more chipper now ) Goodnight, children. Sleep well.

Mac: Yeah, goodnight, Professor. ( laughs ) Imagine leavin’ us alone to swipe all this loot!

Molly: Yeah, what a sucker! Hey Mac, look at this!

Mac: Kats alive! Transportation! Let’s go to town!

( Flashback ends. )

Mac: End of story, end of  you !

Callie: Leave him alone, you metal morons! He didn’t turn down your parole, I did!

Mac: And who are  you ?

Callie: Calico Briggs, Deputy Mayor. Manx hasn’t done an ounce of paperwork around here for years! I  turned down you parole, bribes and all.

Molly:  You ? You  let us rot inside that prison?

Callie: That’s right, sister! And I’d do it again in a heartbeat! You don’t scare me, you brass bimbo!

Molly: Remember to land on your feet, Deputy Mayor!

Act Three
Razor: Looks like she's coming.

T-Bone: Hey, need a lift?

Callie: It’s about time, you guys! Catch you on your lunch hour?

Razor: Careful, Ms. Briggs.

Callie: Thanks, Razor.

Razor: Any time, Sweet angel. (Both Razor and Callie kissing at each other)

T-Bone: (laughs) I like it when he loves Callie! (laughs)

Mac: You never  could  shoot for beans! Think you can handle the Mayor while I go after them?

Molly: ( mimicking Mac ) “Think you can handle the Mayor?”

Razor: I’m gonna get the Mayor, you stay here!

Mac: Huh?

Razor: Right here, Mac!

Mac: Hey, I guess we’re better built than I thought. Don’t you know a rust-proof robot when you see one? Party’s over! Aah! That ashtray! The sand… jammed the gun, and my… parts, too!

Molly: Well, Mayor, any parting words for your fellow citizens?

Mac: Molly! I don’t feel so good…

Molly: Mac! Mac!

Manx: I didn’t do it! It’s not my fault!

Razor: No it isn't!

T-Bone: Jump, Mayor! Jump on the wing! Hey, lady! Don’t mess up my jet! That’s it, right this way. Come on in. I asked you nicely!

Molly: ( screams )

Manx: Thank you, SWAT Kats! And don’t forget about SWAT Kat Day! ( chuckles )

Callie: Are you really going to have a SWAT Kat Day?

Manx: Don’t be ridiculous. How would it look if I through a parade for a couple of vigilantes? I wa sjust being polite. Feral! Have this mess cleaned up! Take it to the metal salvage yard! Razorman and T-Boy saved us lives!

Feral: ( growls )

Jake: Well, there you go, Professor Hackle. Hope you can use the stuff.

Prof. Hackle: Oh, yes. Thank you, lads. This will advance my research considerabley.

Chance: Sure, Professor. Glad to help.

Prof. Hackle: ( chiding ) You two have been very naughty! I’ve been looking for you for days! I’m afraid I’ll have to make some adjustments on you two before I can allow you to be examined by the academy. (happy) Oh, and also, I can call both of you Mr. Jake and Chancey-Boy. Will it be okay for it.

Jake: Mmm hmm. We like it.

Chance: Yep. So does Feral's.

Prof. Hackle: Yay. Then let's not getting a hasty mood for a day, Shall we?

Molly: Since you’re gonna make adjustments, why don’t you make  him  taller?

Mac: And  her  better lookin’!

Prof. Hackle: Must you two always argue?

Molly: Better lookin’?! Listen Mr. Cyclops, you ain’t exactly easy on the eyes yourself.

Mac: Hey, Professor, can you make it so she can’t talk?

Molly: Oh, drop dead!