Virtual Insanity

1 KC Cooper, get down here! You're gonna be late for school. Again! Sorry, Mom, okay? You know I can't go to school until I look perfect. KC, why can't you put as much effort into actually learning? I was up all night studying. Online videos on how to choose the perfect lip gloss. Uh, nailed it. I just don't feel right about it, KC. It's too dangerous. What other option do we have? Ernie has been taken prisoner, the Organization cannot locate him, and we know he's been put into this virtual reality program, but unless you put me in there with him, we're not gonna be able to find out where he is. We don't have a choice, Craig. All right. According to intel, the group that took Ernie was after a top-secret password that he created. He never revealed that code in the real world, but in this virtual program, it's only a matter of time before he spills his guts. Yeah, and the results would be uglier than that time he spilled his guts after eating that raw onion. Did you really have to bring that up now? That is exactly what I said to Ernie. Okay, now remember, once you enter virtual reality, you become a part of the program, so you're not gonna remember who you really are or why you're there until you break through virtual disorientation. Meaning? Meaning things in that world could be very different just to throw you off. Please, guys. I can handle this, okay. I'm not gonna forget who I am or what I came to do. Mom, I don't think I can go to school today. Oh, poor baby. What's wrong? You have a fever? Worse. Split ends. (Scoffs) (Crying) Why does this have to happen to me? Oh, when danger comes for you You know I'll stand beside you 'Cause ain't nobody keep things hustle cool I'll always find a way, a way out of the fire Don't tell nobody, tell nobody I'm not perfect So many things I wanna tell you But I, I, I, I keep it undercover Livin' my life, no way to learn Doin' my thing, gonna make it work Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless But I always got your back Nobody can do it like I can I gotta find out who I am Ain't got to worry about me It's all part of the plan I keep it undercover. I keep it undercover. Oh, hey, Jason, hey, Joey. Hey, Seth, hey, Scott. Wassup, Kirk? Uh, KC, when you're done saying hi to every boy in school, would you mind saying hello to your best friend? (Snorts) Oh, hey, Marisa. Quick question. Are you planning on tending to the pigs and chickens in your pappy's farm after school, because that is the only reason I could think of for you to be wearing overalls. I'm too busy studying to worry about clothes, so You're also too busy studying to worry about hair, and makeup and boys. But you know what? We can fix that, when we go to the Halloween dance! Great. I can go dressed as someone who would rather be anywhere else. (Snorts) Students: Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie. Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie. That's weird. It seems like Ernie's the most popular kid in school. Uh, don't be ridiculous. He's the most popular kid in the world. That's weird. All of a sudden, I have this weird feeling like I'm forgetting something. Is it to go to class, 'cause you always forget to do that. No, I don't think it's about school. With you, it never is. Yo, Mr. Awesome, I need your help. Dude, I can't win every game by 200 points for you. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I can. Actually, I need help remembering my locker combination. It's a code, and it's impossible to figure out. It just so happens I know a code that's impossible to figure out. It's 2-V Hey, Ernie, what should I wear to the Halloween dance? Why don't you go dressed up as the most annoying person in the world? Oh, wait, you do that every day. (Laughter) Even though you're mocking me, your own sister, and I feel you should be heard, I also find it hilarious. (Forced laughter) Did you see that? Ernie was about to say the code when that KC avatar cut him off. There's a system breach. They're on to us. The organization must've inserted the real KC to rescue her brother. Or maybe she's there because she couldn't get a flight to Cancun Oh, no, I'm pretty sure the Organization's on to us. I know. I was being sarcastic. Oh. (Laughs) Sorry. It's hard to tell because you're such a good actor. That code is locked in this loser's brain, and his stupid sister's not gonna stop me from finding it out. KC Cooper doesn't scare me. In fact, she'll make the game more fun to win. (Raucous laughter) That's a good one, Darcy. I wasn't being sarcastic that time, Damon. I knew that. - No, you didn't - No, I didn't. If the jock can't get the code out of him, I know someone in his life who won't take no for an answer. Hey, you! Isn't this free garlic knots day? I want my free garlic knots. Where are my garlicky knots? So it's not free knots day. Oh. Well, knot, knot, who's there? Guess what. I still want my free knots. All: Ernie! Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie! Oh, you guys don't have to shout my name every time I walk in a room. Feel free to mix it up and throw some flower petals. Yeah, like that. Hi, Ernie. Oh, hi, Mrs. Goldfeder. What a coinky-dink running into you. Yeah. 16,000 lines of code. Real coinky-dink. Ernie, or should I say, Mr. Awesome, I could really use your help with Petey. He's always looking at cartoons on my tablet, and I need a secure password. Perhaps something that starts with 2-V. 2 V, or not 2 V. That is the question. (Raucous laughter) But it is 2-V. What's the rest? Try 2-V-8 Hey, bro, I need to talk to you. What are you wearing? You look different? I know. No makeup, no dress, no heels. If being glammed out is wrong, I don't wanna be right. KC's back and her virtual disorientation's wearing off. Really? I didn't notice. No, it's true. You can tell because Oh, you got me again. You gotta keep her away from Ernie. Come on, Mrs. Goldfeder. Get him outta there. Hey, Ernie, there's some people down the street who want to listen to you describe in detail the plot to all three Lord of the Ring movies. Duty calls. Gotta go. Hey Excuse me, Mrs. Goldfeder. I need to go talk to my brother. You'll have to get through me first. Well, that doesn't sound very pleasant. Oh, it's not gonna be. Well, that wasn't very neighborly of you, Mrs. Goldfeder, but then again, neither is this. Wait. How do I know how to fight? Because I've been trained to fight. (Both scream) (Shrieking) Whew! Uh-oh. I'm gonna need my garlic knots to go. All right, whoever you are, wherever you are, I broke out of my disorientation, and I remember what my mission is. Look, I'm coming for you, and whatever you throw at me, I will beat you and save my brother. And I sure hope that somebody sees me right now, or else this rant is extremely embarrassing. There's our little superstar. No, he's not little. He's an ideal size. Compact and pleasantly proportioned. I love you, son. Not as much as I do. I made your favorite dinner. Turkey tetrazzini. Pinch me, I'm dreaming. Why would you say that? There's no dream. Everything here is real. Extremely real. Here. Have a puppy. A puppy? And it's just like the one I always dreamed of. Oh, it's no accident. Although that is. By the way, honey, Rihanna, the international famous pop star, called you, and she wants you to be her special guest at her concert next week. I wrote down her number. It's 2-V-8. Oh, no. I can't read the rest, because the dog peed on it. Don't sweat it, Mom. That number sounds familiar. It's 2-V-8-J Ernie, stop! Don't say anything else. Mom is trying to trick you. What are you talking about? Does 2-V-J-8 sound like a phone number to you? Actually, no. It doesn't. Oh, look. Surprise! We got you two puppies. Two puppies?! Puppy, puppy, puppy! Ugh. KC again. Aw, come on. All right, Craig and Kira Cooper, you brought KC into this world, now it's time to take her out. Ernie, don't Ernie, get to school! Or you'll be late for tonight's Halloween dance, honey. Ooh. Halloween dance. Will there be a kiddie pool full of frosting? Sure. Why not? Ernie, do not listen to anything Hurry up, Ernie. You don't wanna keep those pretty young ladies waiting. You're right. Time to get my boogie on and show off some new moves. You can't dance. Your Nae-nae's a no-no. Uh, excuse me, Mom. I need to talk to Ernie. What's the rush, KC? You've always wondered if you could take us. Well, now you're about to find out. I can't fight my own parents. Oh, good. Then that'll make this go a lot faster. Something's upset KC. I hope no one in that virtual world is trying to hurt my baby. Hang in there, KC. Hang in there. If I could just get my hands on whoever's in there hurting my little girl. Wait. This isn't happening. This isn't happening. You guys aren't really my parents. You guys aren't even real. Not real, huh? Was that real enough for you? Hey, guys, I have this Halloween dance to go to. I'll probably miss my curfew, so if any of you guys have a problem with that, please let me know now. Didn't think so. Hi, Ernie. Oh, hi, Marisa. I've done research on this Ernie guy, and he's got some secret feelings for this Marisa girl. Well, I guess when two people are close, friendship can turn into love. Absolutely. But not with us. I knew that, I knew that. It's not like I'm into you. We work together. That would be weird. Unless you don't think so. - I think so. - Me, too. Okay, Marisa, time to turn on the charm. And when she does, Ernie will be begging to spill the rest of the code. Nice cloak. Thanks. I love costumes on Halloween. They can be a little silly, but they can also be hot. Is that a Is that a Swords and Dragons role-playing goblin costume? It is. I have a secret to confess. I'm a fourth level dungeon master. I have a secret to confess, too. I've always wanted to date a fourth level dungeon master. What are you doing? Dancing with you. Aren't you enjoying it? Well, maybe a little. What about now? I can dance like this all night if you want to. I want to, I want to! I have another secret to confess. But suddenly, I can't remember what it is, and it's really bothering me. It's a code, and it starts with 2-V-8-J 2-V-8-J R Wait, this doesn't feel right. Why, 'cause I'm dressed like a goblin? No. Because you're like my sister. No. You're best friends with my sister. Wait. Where's my sister? (Scoffs) Why didn't that work? She was really laying on the charm. Huh. I guess some people don't know a good thing even when it's staring them in the face. Please stop staring at me. I wasn't. - You were. - No, I wasn't. Okay, maybe a little. Ernie's beginning to realize this world isn't real. We're running out of time. I'm going in there and getting that code myself. But if KC destroys you while you're wired in, your consciousness could be lost forever. Yeah, and if I destroy her, she'll be lost forever. Game on, KC. Ernie! Ernie. KC, I am so glad you could make it. Oh, wait, there are boys here. Of course you could make it. Oh, right, because I'm boy crazy. Yeah, you know me. I love, love, love boys. Anyway, where's Ernie? KC, don't be so rude. You haven't even said hi to my new friend yet. Let me guess? A new boyfriend? Please. I'm too busy studying to worry about boys. Ha. Now I know we're in a fantasy world. KC, say hello to Darcy. Nice to meet you, KC. - Welcome to the game. - Excuse me? Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie. Ernie, Ernie. Me, me, me. KC, how come you're not chanting? Ernie, I need to talk to you now. Actually, I need to talk to him first. Please, Mr. Awesome? Oh, is that a kiddie pool full of frosting? Sorry, KC, but the only way you're getting to your brother is over my dead body. Et tu, Marisa? Et tu? Nice Julius Caesar reference. Oh, so now you know Shakespeare. Huh. Well, you definitely aren't the real Marisa. Let's go. Look, Ernie, I couldn't say this in front of KC, but your sister is sick. Tell me about it. She is jealous of the attention my parents pay to me, their favorite child. Sure, they say they love us equally, but really, they don't. Number one. Numero uno. She really is sick. She was exposed to a toxin that makes her act irrationally. There is an antidote, but it's locked in a cabinet, and we don't have the access code. This was supposed to be a piece of cake. Nice. It starts with 2-V-8-J-R and then we don't have the rest. Well, this is a big mess. Fortunately, it's also not real. - It's 2-V-8-J-R - Ernie, stop. Oh, come on. He didn't even say another digit this time. It's you, isn't it? You're the one that's been making me do all these terrible things like wear dresses and heels and makeup and fight my best friend in a pool full of frosting. Although I gotta admit, that last part was actually delicious. But that is not the point. The game ends now. I don't think so. I created this world, remember? Okay, Ernie, shoot her. - Darcy: No, shoot her. - Don't listen to her. I don't know what to do! Ernie, listen to me. You're in a virtual world. The real Ernie is not Mr. Awesome, okay? The real Ernie's a total loser. And you want me to leave this virtual world and return to my real life why? Okay, so maybe I didn't phrase it the best way, but look, I need to get you out of here. Don't listen to her, Ernie. She's the only thing that stands between you and eternal happiness. Just get rid of KC, and you'll be the most important Cooper. One shot and all your dreams can come true forever. Are we talking turkey tetrazzini every night? Absolutely. Well, I guess I have no choice. - (Laser gun firing) - (Shrieking) Well, that takes care of that. Ernie, you did it. You took out Darcy. You broke the virtual disorientation. You're you again. Yeah. Hello, Ernie, good-bye, turkey tetrazzini. At least I still have my new puppies. - Uh, well - Oh, great. Ernie, we're trying to find you in the real world. Where are they holding you prisoner? In a storage facility on Trendell Road. Okay, I'm on my way. Guys, we've gotta save Ernie. He's at a storage facility on Trendell Road. Which unit? There's hundreds of 'em at that location. Aw, man! Don't just stand there. Put the wire back on my head. Darcy, Darcy. I'm okay, I'm okay. Get off me. It's over. Let's go. Hey, bro. KC? Am I still popular? Uh, well, um To me you are. So that's a no. You kept me from revealing the secret code, and you saved my life. Hey, you saved mine first. Yeah, well, I guess I'd rather be a loser in a world with KC than in paradise without her. Oh! You really are Mr. Awesome. Uh, KC? KC! My bad, bro. (Sighs contentedly) Aren't you glad that we ran away, and now we can spend the rest of our lives together on this beach? I'm not complaining. Can you pass me my fresh papaya smoothie, please? Anything for you babe. KC. We're going to the movies now. KC! KC! Never mind. Rob, your name's on TV.