Nerd Rider

(The skit starts with the Nerd in his house watching an episode of Knight Rider on his tv.)

KITT: Approaching bank robbers in their getaway tank, Michael. I recommend jumping over it.

The Nerd: I love you KITT!

(Offscreen KITT drives up to the getaway tank a tyre is heard screeching and then people screaming.)

Michael Knight: You saved that bus full of nuns KITT! By jumping over.

The Nerd: I LOVE YOU MICHAEL KNIGHT! (Turns off the TV) Man,I wish you were real KITT. We'd have some awesome adventures. (Yawns) We'd fight all my enemies, and murder them. So cool, So cool...

(Falls asleep then wakes up in his dream where he is in KITT driving through the desert.)

The Nerd: Wow i'm Knight Rider! I'm Knight... oh wait a minute. Oh you're that crappy KITT from that crappy Knight Rider remake from a few crappy years ago!

KITT: Greetings Michael. Let's go on an adventure.

The Nerd: No, no, no, no, no! Wake me up right now! (Starts smacking his feet across KITT's dashboard.)

KITT: Please stop.

(The Nerd stops for a second before punching KITT's dashboard.)

The Nerd: WAKE ME UP!

KITT: Please stop.

The Nerd: NO!

KITT: Michael...

The Nerd: LET ME OUT! NO, NO LET ME OUT!

KITT: Michael!

The Nerd: No you suck ass! All you did in the whole pilot episode was drive after van! It was boring! Let me out!

KITT: Fine, hope you like ejector seats.

(Computer sounds followed by a error sound)

KITT: Hmmm... I don't seem to have an ejector seat.

The Nerd: BORING!

(The scene cuts to The Nerd walking through the desert to a local diner then KITT rolls up.)

Narrator: Knight Rider. A shadowy flight-

The Nerd: (Sighs) Go die please!

Narrator: Aww...

(KITT reverses, screen cuts to The Nerd sitting in a diner with a waitress.)

Waitress: Having a bad day?

The Nerd: (Angrily) My stupid dream has the wrong Knight Rider car in it!

Waitress: Oh, What'll it be?

The Nerd: Hey, can I have Lobster with lots of butter sauce and Oreo ice cream served up with cookies the size of my head?! Mmm!

Waitress: Ah, we dont have that.

The Nerd: But this is a dream!

Waitress: Yeah, but KARR blew our budget on that.

(KITT rolls up to the diner's window.)

KITT: Greetings Michael.

The Nerd: DAMMIT!!

(Scene cuts to show The Nerd getting back into KITT.)

KITT: Welcome back Michael.

The Nerd: (Sighs) Hi Val Kilmer.

KITT: Shall I turn into a pickup truck? I can do that.

The Nerd: (Sarcastically) Wow. One of your amazing features is hauling cargo.

KITT: I can also turn from this kind of Mustang to another kind of Mustang.

The Nerd: (Frustrated sigh) Do whatever i'm gonna take a nap.

KITT: You can't take a nap in a dream!

The Nerd: Of course you can! Didn't you see Inception? Like a million people saw it. It was so cool. So cool...

(The Nerd falls asleep again, and then awakes in the original KITT with Michael Knight driving.)

The Nerd: Oh my gosh! I'm in the real KITT and here's a real Knight Rider!

Michael Knight: Are you ready to fucking do this?!

The Nerd: Hell yes!

KITT: Press my Turbo Boost button!

The Nerd: I will! YAY!!!!

(The Nerd presses the Turbo Boost button. KITT speeds into Hill Valley driving the time travelling DeLorean of the road and tears up the Courthouses grass. KITT speeds down the road knocking over a car then crashing through a still moving train and then destroys a nearby helicopter. KITT then crashes through a bunch of people then through a shop window. Then proceeds to crash into the 2008 KITT into a nearby building. KITT then crashes through another window with The Nerd still screaming YAY! KITT then drives into the Wheel Of Fortune studio and drives up on a prize car. KITT drives to a sports match and jumps through a football gate, then invades a farm by destroying the farm animals homes. KITT continues to wreck Hill Valley by killing a number of people with The Nerd still screaming then finally KITT rapes the 2008 KITT. The scene cuts to The Nerd still asleep inside the new KITT.)

The Nerd: I love you real KITT.

KITT: Oh, ouch!

(Cuts back to The Nerd sleeping in his house on his Knight Rider sofa, holding a KITT model.)

The Nerd: Fuck you, Val Kilmer!

(Cuts to static)