Grumpy Young Men


 * Store Clerk: Doom Bringer II is for mature players only due to Violence, Exaggerated Mayhem, and Old Lady Kicking.


 * Sheen: [after being kicked out of the store] How dare he throw your father out of the store?!


 * [Jimmy screams in the mirror after seeing he's old. Goddard screams like a teen girl after seeing Jimmy old. Doorbell rings. Cuts to Jimmy answering the door, only to scream again.]
 * Old Carl: Jimmy, is that you way over there?
 * Old Jimmy: Guys! Something went horribly wrong!
 * Old Sheen: Oh, gee you think? And another thing: kids today wear their pants too low! They're down under their stomachs, for cryin' out loud!


 * Old Sheen: Hey! I know what you're doing! You're trying to take me to the nursing home! (pounds on the car's window) Let me out! Let me out!
 * Old Carl: Sheen, careful! This car's going an excess of 7 miles.
 * (Old Sheen pants, checks his pulse, and faints)
 * (Cars parks into a Candy Bar parking lot)
 * Old Sheen: You know, when I was a kid, the sky was bluer! And a quarter would buy you groceries for a week!
 * Old Jimmy: Gas planet. Does anyone remember what we drove down here to get?


 * Sam: Hey, Oldilocks, what's the big idea, you and your bingo buddy takin' all the rice pudding from the buffet?
 * Old Sheen: It says "Seniors Eat Dessert Free"!
 * Sam: You're supposed to buy an entree first!
 * Old Carl: We did. I had a hamburger in here yesterday.
 * (Carl and Sheen laughing)
 * Old Carl: Oh, my spleen.


 * Old Jimmy: Now, what was it I wanted? Something starting with a "T." Tostadas, turpentine?
 * Hugh: Well, hey, old-timer. I like the way you're wearing your pants. I've been thinking of wearing mine more like that, maybe growing out my nose hair a little bit. You look familiar.
 * Old Jimmy: Oh, no, I'm just a strange old man, not your son after screwing up an experiment.
 * Hugh: (chuckles) I know. You remind me of my father, except you're not always saying, "Huey, I told you, toothpaste isn't food."
 * Old Jimmy: Not possible. I don't have any family.
 * Hugh: What? Oh, well, that's terrible. Come on. Come with me, I'll get you a nice home-cooked meal.
 * Old Jimmy: B-but I can't. I have to buy something with a "T."
 * Hugh: I'll get you a nice cup of tea.
 * Old Jimmy: Let go!
 * Hugh: Come on.
 * Old Jimmy: I said, let me go!


 * Judy: Here's your dinner. I put it in the blender first so the chewing doesn't tire you out.
 * Hugh: So what did you do before you retired, old-timer?
 * Old Jimmy: I can't even remember what I'm supposed to be doing now, but I think it's real important.
 * Hugh: Well, you know, maybe if we guess, it'll jog your memory. Let's see. Did it involve swinging heavy things?
 * Old Jimmy: N-No, I don't think so.
 * Hugh: Well, that eliminates lumberjack and executioner.