Last Train to Bustville

Isabella: Wow Phineas, it's really beautiful up here!

Baljeet: Yes! It was very kind of you to invite us to your grandparents' house. (a basketball flies by, and he ducks to avoid it) No fair! That almost hit me! Buford: Life's not fair. Earlier today I just missed hitting this kid with a basketball.

Phineas: Hey, Candace. What are you up to today? Candace: Well, I'll probably try to bust you guys... again! And fail... again! And add another link to my summer-long chain of disappointment and regrets.

Phineas: (Oblivious) How about that, Ferb, Candace already knows what she's gonna do today!

(Cut to inside of grandparents' house)

Clyde: Soo... how's the antique business? Lawrence: Ooh, it's just fine. You know, they have a saying in the antique business.

(beat)

Clyde: What is it? Lawrence: What is what? Clyde: The saying. That you use in the antique business. Lawrence: Oh, I don't use it. But there is one.

(beat)

Phineas: Hi, dad! Hi, grandpa! We're not interrupting, are we? Clyde: No, no! No, come in, boys. Phineas: Ferb and I were just talking about the time you build the balloon and won the most famous balloon race in history. Tell us that story again? Clyde: Well, I went out to the barn, I built a balloon and I won the most famous balloon race in history. Phineas: Wow! Ferb: He makes history come alive. Phineas: Come on, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today. If you need us, we'll be out in the barn!

(Phineas and friends open up the barn gates)

Phineas: Cool! Just look at all this great stuff. Hey, where's Perry?

(Perry enters his lair through the chicken coop along with a single hen)

Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P! After extensive research and computer data analysis we have concluded that the Tri-State Area is experiencing an unprecedented shortage of eggs. We need you to investigate. Good luck, Agent P.

(Perry leaves the lair, Major Monogram notices the hen)

Major Monogram: You there! Weren't you listening? Go make some eggs!

(Cut to Linda and Betty Jo preparing some lemonade in the kitchen)

Betty Jo: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop! You might wanna use the sugar unless you want salty lemonade!

Linda: Oh, I can't wait to get new contacts. I'm as blind as a bat without them.

(knocking)

Betty Jo: Here, use my spare set of glasses.

Linda: Wow, now everything is different kind of blurry.

(Betty Jo answers the door, a woman enters)

Betty Jo: Hi, stranger. Come on in. Everyone, you remember Glenda?

(Candace enters the kitchen)

Linda: Of course! Candace, Glenda was the first female train conductor in the entire Tri-State Area!

Betty Jo: But alas, the train is being decommissioned. And today is Glenda's last trip.

Glenda: And you know what? I'm gonna take her up to Gearheart Summit.

Betty Jo: (gasps) But nobody has ever taken a train up Gearheart Summit, it's too steep!

Glenda: Well, that's what they say, but I'm not the one to give up!

Betty Jo: It's just like you became a conductor.

Glenda: That's right. They told me to give up! (Candace is interested.) But I never give up! (Candace smiles a little.) I'm not the kind of person to give up! (Candace smiles more.) Well, I'm gonna prove that an old train can make it up those tracks. You guys wanna come with me?

Betty Jo: We should all go.

Linda: Sounds like fun!

Glenda: Okay! Train leaves the station at ten sharp! See you there!

Betty Jo: Isn't she something, Candace? That's a woman who would never give up!

(Candace becomes more convinced.)

Glenda: (echoing in Candace's memory) Give up! Blah blah! Give up! Blah blah blah blah blah! Give up! Blah blah blah! Give up!

Candace: It's so simple! I don't know how I didn't think about it before!

(She looks at her to do list saying only "Bust Phineas and Ferb".)

Candace: I'll give up!

(Song: "Give Up")

It's not bad to have goals per se

When your teacher, coach, and counselor ask

Cold hard reality can get in your way When you're really not up to the task

Well you've been scheming and spying and screaming and crying But you know there's still something that you're still not trying

Give up! You've been trying to sell this so long Even though there's no one out there buying.

Give up! I know you're tired of the same old song, But it's not really failure if you're not even trying:

Give up!

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doot-doo-doo

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doot-doo-doo

It's like you're banging your head against the same old wall Baby all you got to show is a bruise

(All you got show is a bruise) Well it's a crazy thing to do to just keep on repeating All these actions that will only lead to cranial bleeding

Give up! It's time for you to throw in the towel,

Capitulate and raise the white flag Give up! And don't be bitter just because you're a quitter,

You can even hold up your head up and brag That's right, you gave up She gave up! She gave up!

I gave up!

Candace: That's right, I never even suited up, folks!

I gave up!

Candace: I threw the baby out with the bathwater! I gave up!

Candace: I forgot the Alamo!

I gave up!

Candace: I'm not even going for the bronze! I gave up!

Candace: I'm staying right here, man.

I gave up!

Candace: ''In this hammock. I like it. Aw, it's beautiful, man.''

(Cut to the barn)

Phineas: Okay everyone, let's get this race started. Contact!

(The roof opens and three balloons fly up)

Buford: Last one at the top of the mountain is a stinky dish sponge!

(A fourth balloon in the shape of a heart flies up.) Isabella: What'cha dooooin'?

Phineas: About... five knots.

Isabella: Thought so, I'm doing six! See you at the summit, slowpokes!

Buford: Hey, we're falling behind! What's happening?

Baljeet: Excessive weight seems to be hampering our progress.

Buford: Yeah, we have to lighten the load. (throws Baljeet out of the basket)

Baljeet: Aaah, aah! How does dangling me from a rope lighten our load?

Buford: Meh, it lightens my spirit.

Baljeet: (hitting various obstacles) Ow! Ow, ow ow!

Buford: Mountain lion! (mountain lion roars)

Baljeet: Aaah!

(Cut to...)

Doofenshmirtz vacation condo!

(Perry lands on the terrace next to Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: (sighs) Ah, Perry the Platypus. Well, I guess it serves me right for bringing work on vacation with me. Aaand there it is. (Perry is trapped in a egg-shaped container) Man, are we in a rut. Anyway, this is my Dodo-Bird-Incubator... well, you know... -inator. With this amazing device I can transform any egg to a Dodo egg. Once they hatch I will march my terrifying Dodo bird army across the Tri-State Area. You know, I don't really know what they look like, but they're extinct like dinosaurs, so just imagine! Giant, extinct dinosaur-like monsters laying waste to the city! Ah, you know, you, you really picked me up out of my doldrums.

(Cut to Linda, Candace, Betty Jo and Glenda getting on the train)

Betty Jo: We're all here and ready to help, what would you like us to do?

Glenda: Just sit back and enjoy the view, the train will do all the work.

Candace: Doin' nothing? Got that covered.

Glenda: All aboard! Gearheart Summit, here we come!

(train leaves the station)

Orville Wilkins: You'll never make it! You should give up!

Wilbur Wilkins: Yeah, give up, woo-hoo!

Glenda: So long boys, and don't forget to clean your rooms!

Orville/Wilbur: Yes, mom.

Orville: It's your fault.

Wilbur: Quiet, you!

(Cut to kids flying over the train)

Phineas: Looks like a dead heat so far.

Baljeet: We need to pick up the pace.

Buford: Alright, I'll get rid of this. (throws a taxidermied marlin away)

Baljeet: I do not know why you even brought the swordfish!

Buford: It's a marlin.

(The marlin bounces off the branch and pierces Baljeet's and Buford's balloon.)

Baljeet: Oh no...

Buford: Little help, guys!

Phineas: Ferb.

(Ferb shoots a grappling hook and the boys climb up to Ferb's balloon. Scene switches to the train, where Linda and Betty Jo are playing card game)

Linda: So Candace, you sure seem relaxed. What's up? (behind her, the kids in their balloons can be seen through the window)

Candace: I'm just taking in the ride and not worrying about what Phineas and Ferb are up to.

Linda: Well good for you, honey. Cause I've got gin.

Betty Jo: We're playing Kings Corners.

Linda: Are we?

(Cut to the condo)

Doofenshmirtz: It's working! (the egg begins to hatch) It's wonderful! It's amazing! It's...! (giant dodo bird hatches)

Dodo: Narg narg narg! Narg!

Doofenshmirtz: It's... (sighs) not quite as terrifying as I hoped.

Dodo: Narg!

Doofenshmirtz: How am I supposed to take over the Tri-State Area with a bunch of these? Where's the horror, the terror the- (Perry gets out of his trap) Oh nooo! You, you'll have to wait in line, Perry the Platypus! First I gotta deal with this! I mean, this looks like a turkey, it's like Thanksgiving. (Dodo bird pecks Doofenshmirtz furiously) It's EXACTLY like Thanksgiving!

(Cut to the train)

Candace: Hey, Glenda, how's it going?

Glenda: Mighty fine! You're looking chipper.

Candace: Oh yeah, I've been feeling great ever since I decided to heed your advice and give up.

Glenda: Come again?

Candace: Well, all summer I've been just thinking about busting my brothers, but after your speech this morning I've just gave up. And now I'm much more relaxed.

Glenda: So what you got from my speech about how you should never give up is that you should give up?

Candace: Well, you did say "give up" a lot.

Glenda: I did say that, didn't I.

Candace: Ah, Glenda? Glenda! The train is slowing down.

Glenda: So it is. I guess we're out of coal. (sits down) Oh well.

Candace: What? You can't give up! No coal means no steam, and no steam means we can't make up the hill!

Glenda: Meh.

Candace: We gotta do something! We need fuel! Wait! I have an idea that just might work. And don't think I don't know what you're up to. I'll be right back.

(Candace saws off some wood from the train)

Linda: She's such an active child.

Candace: Just out of curiosity, what's going to happen to this train after today?

Glenda: It'll be torn apart and an sold for scrap, why?

Candace: No reason.

(At the grandparents' house, Lawrence and Clyde sit in silence; in the background Doofenshmirtz runs from the dodo bird, screaming. Back in the train:) Linda: What are we playing again?

(Cut to Isabella and Phineas)

Isabella: Hey Phineas, what'cha doin' over there?

Phineas: My steering is a little loose, I think that- (stops, looks behind)

Isabella: (suddenly standing next to Phineas) Do you need some help?

Phineas: Well, yeah. Can you hold the wheel while I tighten it?

Isabella: (holds it) Gladly!

Phineas: Well, that's perfect.

Isabella: Yes. Yes, it is.

(Doofenshmirtz falls down the cliff while running from the dodo bird)

Phineas: Check it out! A dodo bird! What's next on the list, Ferb?

Ferb: (crossing off a list of the title sequence) Frankenstein's brain.

Buford: Yeeeah, uh, that was in my balloon.

(the train arrives at the station)

Candace: Woo-hoo! Yes, we made it! I knew we could, I knew we could, I knew we could!

Glenda: Oh, did you now?

Candace: Yeah, you can drop the act. I know you didn't forget to bring coal. It's probably in that box you're sitting on. But...lesson learned, and as long as I'm no longer giving up, I'm gonna go bust Phineas and Ferb. (jumps through the window) Thanks!

(pause) Glenda: I could have forgot the coal! (beat) I'm old!

Linda: Do you notice anything different here?

Betty Jo: Yeah! Everything's half off at the gift shop!

(scene shifts to the kids)

Phineas: Here we are! Gearheart Summit. Let's put them down over there, Ferb.

Candace: (looking at Ferb's outfit in the gift shop) Why is it every store sells this outfit? (notices the balloons) Mom, mom! Look what Phineas and Ferb are doing! Come quick! (points at the outfits and the head-shaped balloons behind them) Look, look! Right there! You see?! You see?!

Linda: Okay Candace. (adjusts the glasses)

(Point of view shot from Linda, we see a rather blurry image of the balloons and the outfits.)

Linda: Oh, hello, boys. (walks away)

Candace: ...What? (turns around) No!

(Cut to Doofenshmirtz in torn clothes)

Doofenshmirtz: A-ha! (runs to the balloon)

Dodo: Narg, narg, narg, narg! (runs into the second balloon)

Doofenshmirtz: Sayonara, dodo! (both balloons take off) Hey, how did you start that with no opposable thumbs?

(Candace pushes the clothing racket out of the scene just as the balloons take off.)

Candace: Mom, look, it's just forced perspective, look! They're not really here! (The real Phineas and Ferb come over.) It's an optical illusion! He's not really --

(Long pause, Candace notices that the boys have arrived and slowly goes to touch Phineas.)

Phineas: Hi, Candace!

Candace: Aaah!

Phineas: How was the train ride?

Candace: (pause) Oh, I give up. (walks away)

End Credits
Doofenshmirtz: (sighs) Some vacation this turned out to be. (the dodo makes a hole in his balloon)

(Cut to Farmer and Farmer's Wife)

Farmer's Wife: So you bought a Museum of Biological Oddities, but you didn't get any biological oddities? (Doofenshmirtz falls through the roof)

Doofenshmirtz: Huh. What? (dodo falls in and lands on him)

Farmer's Wife: There it is!

Dodo: Narg narg narg! Narg!