The Dark Side Of SWAT Kats (SWAT Kats : The Radical Squadron)

Razor: You know, T-Boy, Looks like you got my minds out of your case, Any ideas for a night?

T-Bone:  Well, Razor, you said you that you needed a lousy night to test your new radar. Looks like you got it!

Razor:  No Problem, T-Bone! This Dimensional Radar scanner should penetrate other aircraft and buildings with incredible 3D detail. Bingo!

T-Bone:  I gotta hand it to you buddy, this makes night flying a snap! Hey! Check out that Enforcer Chopper!

Razor:  Well, well, look who’s flying. Mr. Personality himself! (via radio) Hey Commander! Why are you in a terrible mood at the donut shop?

Feral: Never mind the answering issues -

T-Bone:  Commander Feral. ( via radio ) Hey Commander! What are you doing out in a storm? Looking for a donut shop?

Feral:  What the–?

Razor:  Did you forget to shave this morning, Commander?

Feral: Wha- I cannot hear you!

T-Bone: Did you forget to shave this morning, Feral?

Feral:  I don’t know how you can see me, but get off my frequency you clowns! This band is for Enforcer business only! ( Turbokat buzzes past ) Oooooo! You hotshot jerks! One of these days I’m going to…

Razor:  Why don't you get yourself a nice prune donut? What a grouch.

T-Bone:  Why don’t you get yourself a nice prune donut? What a grouch.

Razor:  Yeah, that outta relax ya!

T-Bone:  Let’s head home, buddy!

T-Bone:  S’quite a storm, Razor. I can barely see out the cockpit!

Razor:  Hang loose. Dimensional radar’s already locked on our hangar.

T-Bone:  ( lightning strikes the Turbokat ) Awwww crud! Whoa, that was one mega lightning bolt! Everything okay back there?

Razor:  Checking… Dimensional Radar’s down.

T-Bone:  Whaa…?

Feral:  Whaa…? ( Turbokat nearly collides with Feral’s chopper )

T-Bone:  Oh, that was too close. ( weapons fire grazes the Turbokat )

Razor:  What was that?!

T-Bone:  It’s Feral! He’s gone crazy!

Razor:  I guess he didn’t like our donut joke.

Felina:  Move in!

Razor  / T-Bone: Felina?

Felina:  I got ‘em, Uncle!

T-Bone: What’s with the Lieutenant? This outta get her off our tail. ( Turbokat accelerates out of range )

Felina:  Shoot! Ugh… they got away, Uncle.

Feral:  Don’t worry, Felina. Those renegades can’t evade us forever. Eventually we’ll nail their tails.

Felina:  Roger that. Heading back to headquarters.

Razor:  What was that all about?

T-Bone:  I don’t know, buddy. Feral and his niece have totally lost it. You’d think we were criminals or something.

Razor: (gasps) somebody's gone crazy, cause he's not gonna clean up this mess!

T-Bone: Ooooo... ( gasps ) Razor, somebody’s trashed our place!

Razor:  Ooooo… I’ll check the upper security seals.

T-Bone:  I’ve never seen a Glovatrix like this before.

Razor:  The alarm didn’t go off and the security seals are intact!

T-Bone:  Oh yeah? Then what the heck are those things? And how did they get in here?

Razor:  You got me, buddy.

T-Bone:  What are these? Huh? A Creepling! ( grabs and punches Creepling ) Crud! Our place is crawling with Creeplings!

Dark Kat:  Enough!

Razor  / T-Bone: Dark Kat?!

Dark Kat:  Why are you attacking my Creeplings? We’re all on the same side, remember?

Razor: We're Razor and T-Bone, The SWAT Kats! Since who do you think we are anyway?

T-Bone:  What are you talking about, Dark Crud? And how did you get in here?

Dark Kat:  The same way I always do: the key you gave me.

Razor: (whispers) Maybe Feral isn't going to get revenge anymore.

T-Bone:  ( whispers ) This is gettin’ really weird.

Razor:  Yeah, let’s just play along.

T-Bone: Play along? for what?

Dark Kat:  Why are you two acting so strangely? Did you get the Mega-Detonator or not?

Razor:  Uh… we ran into a little trouble with Feral.

Dark Kat:  Feral! He has been a thorn in all our sides! But, I promise you… get me that detonator and I will disintegrate Enforcer Headquarters once and for all!

Razor: You're making the Enforcers are so vex at us forever?

T-Bone:  You’re gonna blow up Enforcer Headquarters?

Dark Kat:  No! You’re  going to blow it up. With  my  bomb. Or have you forgotten that Feral has put a price on your heads?

Razor:  Uh, who could forget something like that?

T-Bone: Who would forget us like that?

Dark Kat:  Well, what are you waiting for? Get to Puma-Dyne and steal that detonator!

Razor: (whispers) T-Bone, do you think what the heck is goin' on?

T-Bone: I dunno, Even I wish if Feral doesn't really care about us!

Razor: What about you?

T-Bone:  (whispers) Razor, what the heck is goin’ on?

Razor:  I dunno. Let’s just get in the jet and get outta here!

T-Bone: You betcha!

Razor: Dark Kat is our friend. Feral and the Enforcers are our enemies, and we’re wanted for every crime in Megakat City. Something’s screwy.

T-Bone:  Yeah… ever since we got hit by the lightning the world’s gone crazy.

Razor:  You’re right, T-Bone. The lightning must have hit the Dimensional Radar and somehow thrown us into a quirky, alternate dimension!

T-Bone:  Hold it, hold it. Are you telling me that somewhere in this world are a couple of evil SWAT Kats?

Razor:  You got a better theory? So why don't you get that detonator if we don't catch us and Feral isn't mad anymore and give us a nice reward to thanking him?

T-Bone:  A better theory? Okay, we’re negative. So how’s about I find us a nice big storm cloud so we can get hit by lightning and get outta this screwy dimension?

Razor:  Excellent idea. But first we gotta stop Dark Kat from getting his claw on that Mega-Detonator.

T-Bone:  Duh, You don’t mean…

Razor:  Yeah, we’re gonna steal it before our evil counterparts can!

T-Bone:  Next stop, Puma-Dyne!

Evil Razor:  Your flying stinks, T-Bone!

Evil T-Bone:  Ah, choke on a furball! You think you could fly any better?

Evil Razor: Why don't you choke on a furball first, you idiot!

Evil T-Bone: ( money bag is tossed at him ) Ugh, watch it!

Evil Razor:  Wanna make something of it?

Evil T-Bone: Fine with me.

Dark Kat:  What are you two doing back here?

Evil Razor:  We live here, remember?

Dark Kat:  But the detonator–

Evil T-Bone:  Keep your cape on. We’ll get it for ya. But there was a new bank that needed robbing first. ( throws money bag at Dark Kat )

Dark Kat:  ( swatting money bag away ) Ugh!

Evil Razor:  Yeah, we’ll just load up some more Deadhead Missiles and pay Puma-Dyne a visit!

Dark Kat:  But, I just watched you SWAT Kats fly off to Puma-Dyne!

Evil Razor:  Huh? Are you crazy?

Evil T-Bone:  Whoever you sent, it wasn’t us.

Dark Kat:  Hmm… if it wasn’t you… those impostors must be stopped before they get my detonator!

Evil Razor:  Impostors? Well, don’t you worry about that, Dark Kat.

Evil T-Bone:  Yeah, this town isn’t big enough for  two  sets of SWAT Kats!

Act Two
( Long infiltration sequence. SWAT Kats are content to sneak by guards, while evil SWAT Kats go out of their way to knock them out. )

Razor: Mission accomplished!

T-Bone:  That was a pretty good workout.

Razor:  ( out of breath ) And we’re not through yet. Look.

T-Bone:  Ugh, this could take all night…

Razor:  We better split up.

T-Bone:  Roger.

Evil Razor:  Watch it you hairy oaf, you almost tripped the alarm!

Evil T-Bone:  Stay out of my way, scuzzball.

Evil Razor:  Fine with me. Tell you what, T-Boy, First we'll catch that detonator, then, victory is ours!

Evil T-Bone: I'm hungry.

Evil Razor: Oh, Shut up and get a move on!

Evil T-Bone: Roger, boss.

Security Guard #2:  ( groans and barely manages to activate the alarm )

Razor:  Bingo! I got it buddy. Now let’s get our tails out of here before Dark Kat finds out we’re not who he thinks we are.

Evil T-Bone:  He already has.

Razor:  What?

( Evil T-Bone punches Razor )

Razor:  Oooof! T-Bone, what the… you’re not T-Bone!

Evil T-Bone:  Yes I am, but not the one you think.

Razor: And if you are T-Bone, then who's that T-Bone anyway,

Evil T-Bone: I don’t know what your game is, but it’s up as of now!

Razor:  Hi-yah! ( flips Dark T-Bone; during the ensuing scuffle, the Mega-Detonator is kicked across the room and out into corridor )

Evil Razor:  Did ya find them yet?

T-Bone:  “Them?” I thought there was only one detonator.

Evil Razor:  I meant the imposters, stupid, And some

T-Bone:  Oh, yeah. I think I just spotted one. ( T-Bone punches Evil Razor; their fistfight merges with that of the other two, with the Mega-Detonator being knocked around several times )

T-Bone  /  Dark T-Bone:  ( together ) Huh?!

Razor:  ( held by T-Bone ) T-Bone! It’s me!

T-Bone:  Yeah, sure. ( throws Razor into wall; Evil SWAT Kats aim their Glovatrixes at the real SWAT Kats ) Oops. Sorry, buddy!

Razor:  You should be sorry! then you'll be sorry! (punches T-Bone) Oops. Did I do that? Won’t Feral be surprised when we turn the Mega-Detonator in along with this kat scum?

Evil T-Bone:  Launching Mini-Megatons…

Evil Razor:  You stupid fool! You’ll blow up the detonator! ( Dark T-Bone fires anyway, knocking the SWAT Kats through a wall into another room ) Ha ha! Looks like Dark Kat is going to be so mega exited when we turned the Mega-Detonator!

Evil T-Bone:  Let’s make sure those two are finished.

Feral:  There they are! This time your luck’s run out, SWAT Kats. I’ve been waiting a long time for this. Cuff ‘em, Felina!

Felina:  My pleasure.

Razor: We're so sorry if we won't let you down, we promised!

T-Bone:  You got the wrong SWAT Kats!

Razor:  Yeah. The bad ones are getting away!

T-Bone: 

Felina:  ( checking corridor ) There’s nobody in here!

Feral:  Except for you lying SWAT Kats. You’re going to be spending the rest of your nine lives in the slammer. Get ‘em outta here!

Act Three
(Razor and T-Bone are in holding cells. Feral and Felina, accompanied by the Enforcer Sergeant and several commandos, stand outside their cell. )

Razor: What do you mean we're going inside that prison, you can't do that, You're makin' us worse just like we are!

T-Bone:  Your makin’ a big mistake, Feral. We’re not the SWAT Kats that you think we are.

Razor:  Yeah, the other SWAT Kats got away with the detonator, and any second, this place is going to be blown to dust!

Feral:  Your pathetic lies won’t save you now, SWAT Kats.

Razor:  Listen, Feral. If you don’t believe us, then where is the Mega-Detonator?

T-Bone:  Yeah! What do you think we were doin’ at Puma-Dyne anyway?

Feral:  That’s obvious! Trying to steal weapons.

Razor: It looks like we got the SWAT Kats wrong!

T-Bone:  We were sent there to steal the detonator for Dark Kat.

Razor:  Yeah. The evil SWAT Kats got it first, and Dark Kat’s going to blow up Enforcer Headquarters with it!

T-Bone: Don't even think about it, Feral!

Feral:  Ha! Do you really expect me to believe a story like that?

Razor:  Just check out Puma-Dyne for that Mega-Detonator.

Feral:  I don’t take orders from criminal scum.

( The Enforcers leading the holding area, but Feral goes to the runway anyway. )

Feral:  ( to pilot ) Take me to Puma-Dyne!

Enforcer Pilot:  Yes, sir!

Razor: Mmmmm..... On second thought, Me and T-Bone aren't so happy anymore, I don't think everyone are so proud of us either, there's nothing we can do about, I didn't believe that we're going to get blown to smithereens, and we didn't do anything awful. (T-Bone plays a harmonica) Oooooh.... What was tha- T-Bone! (Razor snatches a harmonica and breaks it) Now you've done it this time, It looks like your turn is up, Go ahead, you lousy slouch, say something.

T-Bone:  Great. We’re in some crummy dimension, we’re mistaken for the bad guys, and to top it off, we’re going to get blown to smithereens. What else could go wrong?

Evil Callie:  You blundering fools!

Razor  /  T-Bone:  Ms. Briggs!

Razor:  Boy, are we glad to see you!

Evil Callie:  You clowns are screwing up our plan to take over Megakat City!

Razor  /  T-Bone:   Your  plan?

Razor:  Y–You mean, you and Dark Kat?

Evil Callie:  As if you didn’t know. Oooh. If I didn’t need your help to get that detonator, I’d let you rot in here! One of the perks of being Deputy Mayor. ( she unlocks the cell and they all leave )

Enforcer Guard:  I’m sorry, Deputy Mayor. Only Enforcers have roof clearance.

Evil Callie:  No problem. Here’s my clearance. (sprays guard with mist)

Enforcer Guard:  Ugh…

Dark Callie:  Hurry up! Now get that detonator to Dark Kat.

Razor:  I can’t believe that Callie is a bad kat!

T-Bone:  Guess you were right, buddy. We don’t know who’s good and who’s bad in this screwy dimension.

Razor:  One thing’s for sure: we’ve gotta get back to the hangar before those evil SWAT Kats take off with the bomb.

T-Bone: A bomb? Where?

Razor: Make sure if you keep an eye on Feral for me, Right?

T-Bone: Uh, yep.

Dark Kat:  ( laughing as Creeplings load bomb ) Goodbye, Enforcers.

Enforcer Guard:  ( via radio ) Commander Feral, come in! The SWAT Kats have escaped!

Feral:  Argh, I should have known it was all a trick. Head back to Headquarters!

Enforcer Pilot:  Yes, Sir!

Evil Razor:  Aw, nice flyin’.

Evil T-Bone:  Shut up!

Evil Razor: You shut up! (hits Evil T-Bone) You are the lousy one, Now get moving or else Dark Kat is gone mad, Got it?

Evil T-Bone: Got it, boss!

Razor:  Wonder if Feral knows we’re missing yet… ( Feral’s jet fires on Turbokat )

T-Bone:  That outta answer your question. Listen Feral. Would it do any good to tell you that Deputy Mayor Briggs helped us escape?

Feral:  You lying kats will say anything to save your stinking tails.

Razor:

T-Bone:  Didn’t think so.

Felina:  ( via radio ) Uncle, come in. Do you copy?

Feral:  Not now, Felina, I’m busy! I’m in hot pursuit of the SWAT Kats.

Felina:  ( via radio )  You’re  in pursuit? But  I’m  in pursuit of the SWAT Kats!

Feral:  Impossible! I’ve got the SWAT Kats right in my sights. ( Dark Turbokat pursued by Felina’s squadron overshoots Commander Feral’s jet ) What the–?

Razor:

T-Bone:  Looks like the gang’s all here.

Razor:  How do you explain that, Feral?

Feral:  Then you SWAT Kats were telling the truth.

T-Bone:  Duh, Commander.

Feral:  Then… that means…

Razor:  You got it! They’re on their way to blow up Enforcer Headquarters.

Feral:  The Enforcers will handle this.

Razor:  Heh, heh. Now  there’s  a statement that transcends dimensions.

T-Bone: What a grouch!

Evil Razor: Any ideas you got the right expert for the ticks, T-Boy?

Evil T-Bone:  Got enough targets back there to hit, Razor?

Evil Razor:  Just keep the jet steady, dodo.

Evil T-Bone:  Next time shoot with your eyes open! Hold it steady, dodo.

Evil Razor:  Oh, yeah? Watch this. This Deadhead Missile is just for you, sweetheart. ( fires at Felina’s jet )

Felina:  Gah! Can’t see! ( Felina’s jet careens toward Goodkat Blimp; Turbokat uses skyhooks to catch her jet and land it atop a building )

T-Bone:  Nice catch, Razor!

Felina:  Guess I owe you one, SWAT Kats!

T-Bone:  Now let’s take care of our deadly doubles.

Evil Razor: 

Evil T-Bone:  Don’t just sit there, you jerk. Do somethin’.

Evil Razor:  Aw, don’t choke on a hairball. Death Spike Missile launch! Our tail is clear.

Razor: 

T-Bone:  Crud! We’ll never stop ‘em in time, buddy.

Razor:  T-Bone, they’re changing course!

Evil Razor:  What are you doing, you jerk? Let’s just drop the bomb.

Evil T-Bone:  Ah, Headquarters can wait. I’m gonna kick these ticks off my tail.

Dark Kat:  ( on view screen ) You fools! Don’t chase them; drop the bomb! I’ve spent years waiting for this moment.

Evil Razor: I guess

Evil T-Bone:  Then I guess a few minutes won’t kill ya.

Evil Razor:  Aw, chill out. This won’t take long. So long, you goody two-kats!

Evil T-Bone: You tell em, So long, you goody two-dorks!

Razor: Holy kats!

T-Bone:  Crud!

( Turbokat crashes into bay )

Evil Razor: Mission accomplished, Now let's finish this frying the Enforcers and give it a blown down to smithereens.

Evil T-Bone:  Bingo! Now we’re ready to fry the Enforcers.

( Turbokat pops up out of bay )

Razor: 

T-Bone:  Lucky our Speed of Heat shields held up! Engaging jet boosters.

Razor:  Crud! That last missile must’ve damaged my targeting scope. But there’s always my Dimensional Radar… I hope. Yes!

Evil Razor:  Crud, they’re back. But not for long.

Razor:  Keep the jet steady, pal. I’ve only got one chance to block that bomb. I’m going to cement up those bomb bays before we go.

Evil SWAT Kats:  Yah-ha!

Evil Razor:  The bomb’s stuck!

Evil T-Bone:  You stupid–

Evil Razor: You always the stupidest one! (hits Evil T-Bone)

Evil T-Bone: Mommy.

( Evil Turbokat explodes )

Dark Kat:  Noo!! I spent years developing that bomb.

Evil Callie:  Oh! All my plans are ruined. I’m outta here!

Felina:  Going somewhere, Deputy Mayor? I guess those good SWAT Kats were telling the truth about you, too.

Razor:  We’ve gotta bail out.

T-Bone:  No way! Ugh, uh… ( bright flash, loud bang ) Power’s back. I’ve got control.

( Turbokat nearly collides with Feral’s chopper and buzzes by, causing Feral to spill coffee onto himself )

Feral:  Oowww! You stupid hotshots! One of these days, I’m going to put you two clowns behind bars!

Razor:  Well, guess we’re back in our own dimension, buddy. Music to my ears?

T-Bone:  Music to my ears!

Feral:  ( via radio ) I don’t care how many times you’ve saved this city… I’m going to string you up by your tails!

Dark Kat: And you two will never see me again, you failed the exam!

Evil Razor: I didn't do anything, master!

Evil T-Bone: I'm hungry.

Dark Kat/Evil Razor: Ah, shut up!

Evil T-Bone: 

Dark Kat:

( fade out )