Sleeper

[ Door Opens, Closes ]

[ Door Opens, Closes ]

EVERYTHING'S ON

FOR TONIGHT ?

YES.

I STILL THINK IT'S TOO SOON

TO BRING HIM UP.

WE HAVE NO CHOICE.

AGON THINKS THEY'RE ONTO US.

I PROGRAMMED THE C.L.C.

FOR TWO HOURS TONIGHT.

THERE'S NO TELLING

WHEN HE'LL BE AVAILABLE AGAIN.

WE'LL HAVE TO MOVE HIM...

IF HE COMES UP SUCCESSFULLY,

OTHERWISE, WE SHOULD BE PREPARED

TO DISPOSE OF HIM THE USUAL WAY.

PLEASE STATE REGISTRATION CODE.

CHECK.

WHERE WAS THE SUBJECT FOUND ?

WE CAME ACROSS IT THE LAST DAY

OF OUR FIELD TRIP INTO THE WOODS

A WEEK AGO.

THE CAPSULE

WAS PERFECTLY INTACT.

IS THERE A DATE ON THE CAPSULE ?

OH, YES. THE SUBJECT

WAS FROZEN IN

WHICH MEANS HE'S BEEN UNDER

FOR    YEARS.

[ Machines Beeping ]

- BLOOD PRESSURE.

-    OVER.

- ENCEPHALO-ACTIVITY ?

- JUST UNDER NORMAL.

GENERAL LIFE FUNCTIONS...

ACCEPTABLE.

HE SHOULD BE COMING

OUT OF IT ANY MOMENT.

DO WE HAVE ANY INFORMATION

ON HIM ?

JUST THE USUAL DATA CARD

INSIDE THE CAPSULE AND

THE PERSONAL ARTIFACTS HERE.

HMM. THE SUBJECT

WAS   YEARS OLD AT TIME

OF INITIAL CRYOGENIC EMERGENT.

HIS NAME... MILES MONROE.

UNDER OCCUPATION IT SAYS

HE WAS PART OWNER...

OF THE HAPPY CARROT HEALTH FOOD

RESTAURANT ON BLEECKER STREET,

WHEREVER THAT WAS.

ALSO A CLARINET PLAYER

WITH SOMETHING CALLED

THE RAGTIME RASCALS.

WAS HIS EMERGENT VOLUNTARY ?

HMM. ACCORDING TO THIS,

"SUBJECT ENTERED HOSPITAL

FOR ROUTINE EXPLORATION

OF MINOR PEPTIC ULCER...

AND COMPLICATIONS SET IN."

THE PATIENT NEVER

REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS.

HE WAS ADMITTED FOR CRYOGENIC

EMERGENT BY HIS COUSIN,

A MRS. JOAN NEEDLEBAUM.

THE PHYSICAL DAMAGE

WAS REPAIRED.

YEAH. TOTALLY. ROUTINE.

WE'RE GETTING AN INITIAL

MOTOR RESPONSE OVER HERE.

THIS IS THE CRITICAL STAGE NOW.

IF HIS CONSCIOUSNESS ISN'T

HANDLED CAREFULLY,

THERE COULD BE DAMAGING TRAUMA.

REMEMBER, WE'RE DEALING

WITH AN INVOLUNTARY SUBJECT

WHO EXPECTS TO BE WAKING UP...

IN ST. VINCENT'S HOSPITAL

IN GREENWICH VILLAGE IN.

SWALLOW REFLEX IS ALMOST THERE.

[ Mutters ]

WE'VE GOT TO GET HIM OUT

OF HERE.

HE'S NOT READY.

WE'VE GOT TO GET HIM AMBULATORY

WHETHER HE'S READY OR NOT.

[ Grunts ]

CAREFUL, CAREFUL.

CAREFUL !

[ Chattering ]

NOW, JUST KEEP HIM

ON HIS FEET.

WE'VE GOT TO DISPOSE

OF THIS CAPSULE.

WHEN HE'S READY,

GET HIM TO THE FARM.

WE'LL MEET THERE TONIGHT.

YES.

THERE WE GO !

NOW, LET'S TRY TO TAKE A STEP.

LIKE THIS. ONE.

UP IT COMES. TAKE A STEP.

LOOK AT ME. UP, DOWN.

THAT'S IT.

THERE YOU ARE.

GOOD.

VERY GOOD, MR. MONROE !

GOOD, GOOD.

UP, DOWN.

NO, HE'S GOT IT IN REVERSE.

OH, YOU'RE GOING

THE WRONG WAY.

MR. MONROE !

NO, THE OTHER WAY !

THERE WE GO.

WHOA !

[ Alarm Sounding ]

SECURITY IS COMING !

OH, MR. MONROE !

PLEASE, MR. MONROE, WAKE UP !

WE'VE GOT TO GET HIM DRESSED

QUICKLY. OKAY, STAND.

RIGHT THERE. STAND, STAND.

STAY THERE.

THAT WAY. THAT'S IT.

[ Alarm Continues ]

[ Door Closes ]

[ Gulps ]

AH, MR. MONROE.

HERE WE ARE.

OH !

SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, DOCTOR.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY ?

UH, YES. WE OUGHT TO BE

THROUGH HERE SHORTLY.

[ Alarm Stops ]

HUH.

THAT'S FUNNY.

WE'RE GETTING A MISREAD

ON THE POWER FUNCTION.

REALLY ? WELL,

I'LL ORDER A CHECK FIRST THING

IN THE MORNING.

ANY REASON WHY ANYONE ELSE

WOULD BE CONSUMING POWER ?

NO, IT'S JUST DR. ORVA,

DR. MONROE AND MYSELF.

WE DEFINITELY DID REGISTER

A POWER INCREASE HERE.

UH, DON'T MIND DR. MONROE.

HE, HE, HE-- OH.

HE'S NOT OVER THE EFFECTS

OF A NEW RAY WE'VE BEEN

EXPERIMENTING WITH.

UH, WHAT'S THIS ?

OH, THAT. UH--

I THINK YOU TWO

BETTER COME ALONG WITH US.

BUT WHY ?

WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING.

I THINK I CAN EXPLAIN.

YOU'VE HEARD

OF THE VENUS PROJECT,

HAVEN'T YOU ?

YES.

WELL--

UH, WE HAD TO COME IN HERE

THIS EVENING TO FINISH

SOME VERY IMPORTANT WORK.

NOW WHEN WE ASKED FOR CLEARANCE,

WE WERE GIVEN NO REASON

TO BELIEVE THAT WE COULDN'T--

DO YOU HAVE AUTHORIZATION ?

YES, WE HAVE CLEARANCE.

WE CAME THROUGH CHANNELS

FULLY A WEEK AGO.

[ Woman ]

DON'T YOU BELIEVE--

DR. MONROE. GENTLEMEN.

THIS REALLY IS GETTING--

GENTLEMEN, HE'S CONVULSING.

IT COULD BE DANGEROUS.

PLEASE, PLEASE LEAVE US ALONE SO

THAT WE CAN COMPLETE OUR WORK.

DO WE HAVE--

HE'S GOING TO GET DIZZY NOW.

THIS IS GOING TO BE WORSE.

WE'RE IN TOTAL AGREEMENT.

CAN'T YOU SEE

WHAT A DIFFICULT--

I THINK THE EXPERIMENT

IS GETTING A LITTLE OUT OF HAND.

IF WE HADN'T HAD

THIS INTERRUPTION, WE'D HAVE HAD

IT UNDER CONTROL SOME TIME AGO.

ARE YOU SURE

YOU HAVE AUTHORIZATION

FOR YOUR EXPERIMENT ?

WELL, HE'S FULLY RECOVERED,

EXCEPT FOR A FEW

MINOR KINKS.

HAS HE ASKED

FOR ANYTHING SPECIAL ?

YES, THIS MORNING

FOR BREAKFAST.

HE REQUESTED SOMETHING

CALLED WHEAT GERM,

ORGANIC HONEY

AND TIGER'S MILK.

[ Laughs ]

OH, YES. THOSE WERE

THE CHARMED SUBSTANCES...

THAT SOME YEARS AGO

WERE FELT TO CONTAIN

LIFE-PRESERVING PROPERTIES.

YOU MEAN

THERE WAS NO DEEP FAT ?

NO STEAK OR CREAM PIES

OR HOT FUDGE ?

THOSE WERE THOUGHT

TO BE UNHEALTHY,

PRECISELY THE OPPOSITE

OF WHAT WE NOW KNOW TO BE TRUE.

INCREDIBLE. WELL,

HE WANTS TO KNOW

WHERE HE IS...

AND WHAT'S GOING ON.

I THINK IT'S TIME

TO TELL HIM.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS !

MY DOCTOR SAID I'D BE UP

AND ON MY FEET IN FIVE DAYS.

HE WAS OFF BY    YEARS.

I KNOW IT'S HARD, MILES, BUT

TRY TO THINK OF THIS EXPERIENCE

AS A MIRACLE OF SCIENCE.

A MIRACLE OF SCIENCE

IS GOING TO THE HOSPITAL

FOR A MINOR OPERATION,

I COME OUT THE NEXT DAY,

MY RENT ISN'T     MONTHS

OVERDUE.

THAT'S A MIRACLE OF SCIENCE.

THIS IS WHAT I CALL

A COSMIC SCREWING.

AND THEN WHERE AM I ANYHOW ?

WHAT HAPPENED TO EVERYBODY ?

WHERE ARE ALL MY FRIENDS ?

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT

EVERYONE YOU KNEW IN THE PAST

HAS BEEN DEAD NEARLY    YEARS.

BUT THEY ALL ATE ORGANIC RICE.

YOU ARE NOW

IN THE YEAR.

NOW THIS IS

THE CENTRAL PARALLEL

OF THE AMERICAN FEDERATION.

THIS DISTRICT IS WHAT

YOU'D PROBABLY CALL THE

SOUTHWESTERN UNITED STATES.

THAT WAS BEFORE

IT WAS DESTROYED

BY THE WAR.

- WAR ?

- YES. ACCORDING TO HISTORY,

OVER    YEARS AGO,

A MAN NAMED ALBERT SHANKER

GOT A HOLD OF A NUCLEAR WARHEAD.

YOU WILL REMAIN IN HIDING HERE

FOR TWO WEEKS WHILE WE RUN

A BATTERY OF TESTS ON YOU.

THEN, WHEN WE THINK YOU'VE

FULLY RECOVERED YOUR STRENGTH,

WE'LL DISCUSS THE PLAN--

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "HIDING" ?

WHO AM I HIDING FROM ?

WHAT DID SHE MEAN, "HIDING" ?

WELL, YOU MIGHT AS WELL KNOW,

MILES,

THAT REVIVING YOU AS WE DID

WAS IN STRICT OPPOSITION

TO GOVERNMENT POLICY.

WHAT WE'VE DONE

IS HIGHLY ILLEGAL, MILES,

AND IF WE GET CAUGHT, WE'LL

BE DESTROYED, ALONG WITH YOU.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "DESTROYED" ?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "DESTROYED" ?

YOUR BRAIN WILL BE

ELECTRONICALLY SIMPLIFIED.

MY BRAIN ?

THAT'S MY SECOND FAVORITE ORGAN.

RESISTERS TO MIND REPROGRAMMING

WILL BE EXTERMINATED,

FOR THE GOOD OF THE STATE.

WHAT KIND OF GOVERNMENT

YOU GUYS GOT HERE ?

THIS IS WORSE THAN CALIFORNIA.

THERE IS A GROWING UNDERGROUND,

MILES.

AND SOME DAY THE REVOLUTION

WILL COME WHEN WE CAN

OVERTHROW OUR GREAT LEADER.

LOOK, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING.

I WANNA GO BACK TO SLEEP.

IF I DON'T GET

AT LEAST    YEARS,

I'M GROUCHY ALL DAY.

WE'RE TAKING HIM ALONG TOO FAST.

HE'S STILL EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

I GO INTO THE HOSPITAL

FOR A LOUSY ULCER OPERATION.

I LAY IN A BIRD'S-EYE WRAPPER

YEARS, I WAKE UP,

SUDDENLY I'M ON

THE TEN MOST WANTED LIST.

HE'S RANTING.

WE'D BETTER TRANQUILIZE HIM.

I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD

TO BE TRUE. I PARKED

RIGHT NEAR THE HOSPITAL.

HERE. YOU SMOKE THIS, AND

BE SURE YOU GET THE SMOKE

DEEP DOWN INTO YOUR LUNGS.

I DON'T SMOKE.

IT'S TOBACCO.

IT'S ONE OF THE HEALTHIEST

THINGS FOR YOUR BODY.

NOW GO AHEAD.

YOU NEED ALL THE STRENGTH

YOU CAN GET.

YOU KNOW, I BOUGHT POLAROID

AT SEVEN. IT'S PROBABLY UP

MILLIONS BY NOW.

NOW WE HAVE

CERTAIN ARTIFACTS HERE...

WHICH WE DATE FROM     TO.

WE'D LIKE ANY INFORMATION

YOU CAN GIVE US ON THEM.

VERY LITTLE EXISTS.

FOR INSTANCE.

UH, THIS WAS JOSEPH STALIN.

HE WAS A COMMUNIST.

I WAS NOT TOO CRAZY ABOUT HIM.

HE HAD A BAD MOUSTACHE,

A LOT OF BAD HABITS.

THIS IS BELA LUGOSI.

HE WAS THE MAYOR OF

NEW YORK CITY FOR A WHILE.

YOU CAN SEE

WHAT IT DID TO HIM THERE.

THIS IS, UH--

THIS IS, UH--

UH, CHARLES DE GAULLE.

HE WAS A VERY FAMOUS

FRENCH CHEF.

HAD HIS OWN TV SHOW.

SHOWED YOU HOW TO MAKE SOUFFLES

AND OMELETS AND EVERYTHING.

THIS IS, UH, SCOTT FITZGERALD

OVER HERE.

A VERY ROMANTIC WRITER.

BIG WITH ENGLISH MAJORS,

COLLEGE GIRLS,

YOU KNOW, NYMPHOMANIACS.

UH, VERY WELL KNOWN.

THIS IS CHIANG KAI-SHEK, WHO I

WAS NOT TOO CRAZY ABOUT EITHER.

THIS IS BILLY GRAHAM-- VERY BIG

IN THE RELIGION BUSINESS.

YOU KNOW ?

HE KNEW GOD PERSONALLY.

THEY GOT HIM

HIS COMPLETE WARDROBE.

THEY USED TO GO OUT

ON DOUBLE DATES TOGETHER.

HE WAS VERY BIG.

THEY WERE ROMANTICALLY

LINKED FOR A WHILE.

THIS IS SOME GIRLS

BURNING A BRASSIERE.

YOU NOTICE

IT'S A VERY SMALL FIRE.

UM, THIS--

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

THAT'S A PHOTOGRAPH

OF NORMAN MAILER.

HE WAS A VERY GREAT WRITER.

HE DONATED HIS EGO

TO THE HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL

FOR STUDY.

AND THIS, UH--

THIS I CAN TELL YOU--

THIS IS A CENTERFOLD

FROM A MAGAZINE WE USED

TO CALLPLAYBOY.

WHICH, UM--

THESE GIRLS DIDN'T EXIST

IN ACTUAL LIFE, YOU KNOW ?

THEY WERE RUBBERIZED.

YOU HAD TO BLOW THEM UP.

AND THEN YOU'D FASTEN IT.

AND YOU COULD SPREAD OINTMENT ON

THEM OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU--

I'LL JUST TAKE THIS AND,

YOU KNOW, STUDY IT LATER AND

GIVE YOU A FULL REPORT ON IT.

UH, AND, UM,

WOULD YOU TELL ME EXACTLY

WHAT THIS IS ?

[ Chattering ]

THIS. THIS IS--

YOU SEE, THIS IS-- THIS IS

THE CHATTERING TEETH.

AND THIS YOU WOULD BUY

AT A STORE,

AND YOU'D TAKE IT TO A PARTY

IF YOU WANTED TO GET BIG LAUGHS.

AND YOU'D PUT IT DOWN

ON A COFFEE TABLE

OR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW ?

AND YOU'D SET IT OFF.

AND THEN, UH--

YOU SEE HOW FUNNY IT IS ?

THE TEETH CHATTER.

THEY'RE PLASTIC.

[ Fakes Laughter ]

[ Chattering Continues ]

I AM GOING, AT THIS TIME,

TO GIVE TO THIS TV

AND RADIO AUDIENCE--

SOME OF US HAVE A THEORY

THAT HE MIGHT ONCE HAVE BEEN A

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,

BUT THAT HE DID SOMETHING

HORRENDOUS...

SO THAT ALL RECORDS, EVERYTHING

WAS WIPED OUT ABOUT HIM.

THERE IS NOTHING IN HISTORY

BOOKS. THERE ARE NO PICTURES

ON STAMPS OR MONEY.

YES, HE ACTUALLY WAS

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,

BUT WHENEVER HE USED

TO LEAVE THE WHITE HOUSE,

THE SECRET SERVICE

USED TO COUNT THE SILVERWARE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, JIMMY.

FROM THE BEGINNING,

MUHAMMAD ALI'S CAREER...

WAS MARKED BY CONTROVERSY,

AND WHO KNOWS ?

IT MAY HAVE ENDED LAST SATURDAY

IN THE VERY SAME WAY.

FROM THE BEGINNING--

AT FIRST WE DIDN'T KNOW

EXACTLY WHAT THIS WAS,

BUT WE'VE DEVELOPED

A THEORY.

WE FEEL THAT WHEN CITIZENS

IN YOUR SOCIETY WERE GUILTY

OF A CRIME AGAINST THE STATE,

THEY WERE FORCED

TO WATCH THIS.

REMEMBER THE WAY IT BEGAN ?

MARCH OF.

THAT'S WHERE IT REALLY BEGAN.

YES, THAT'S EXACTLY

WHAT THAT WAS.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE ?

MM, THIS STUFF

TASTES AWFUL.

I COULD HAVE MADE

A FORTUNE SELLING IT

IN MY HEALTH FOOD STORE.

JANIS, SOME MORE

FOR MR. MONROE.

CERTAINLY, SIR.

ARE YOU THIRSTY, MR. MONROE ?

ME ? NO. NO, THANK YOU.

OF COURSE.

THESE ROBOTS ARE UNCANNY.

THEY'RE ONE OF OUR BIGGEST

INDUSTRIES HERE.

INFINITELY MORE SOPHISTICATED

THAN ANY PREVIOUSLY MANUFACTURED

LABOR-SAVING DEVICES.

THEY'RE PLASTIC.

YEAH, I KNOW. BUT THEY'RE

ALERT AND THEY RESPOND.

YOU KNOW,

I'VE GONE OUT WITH GIRLS

WHO HAD LESS MOVEMENT THAN THAT.

WATCH THIS.

JANIS, COME HERE.

YES, DR. ORVA.

MAY I BE OF SERVICE TO YOU ?

TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF.

MY NAME IS JANIS.

I'M A DOMESTIC SERVICE MENIAL

OF THE    SERIES.

I CAN COOK, CLEAN.

I AM A BUTLER, A GARDENER

AND CHAUFFEUR.

I HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED

TO RESPOND TO A COMPLEX SERIES

OF DOMESTIC COMMANDS.

CLEAR THE TABLE

AND LEAVE THE ROOM.

WE'D LIKE TO BE ALONE.

COME ON, MILES.

ARE THERE FEMALE ROBOTS ?

'CAUSE THE POSSIBILITIES

ARE LIMITLESS, YOU KNOW.

IT'S GETTING LATE.

WE'VE GOT TO GET YOU

OUT OF HERE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

"OUT OF HERE" ?

WHERE AM I GOING ?

WE'RE GOING TO TAKE YOU

TO THE WESTERN DISTRICT.

THE UNDERGROUND MOVEMENT

HAS ITS HEADQUARTERS THERE.

MILES, HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN

A SERIOUS POLITICAL STAND

ON ANYTHING ?

YEAH, SURE.

FOR   HOURS ONCE

I REFUSED TO EAT GRAPES.

MILES, THERE'S SOMETHING

CALLED THE AIRES PROJECT.

WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS.

WHY ?

BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S

A SECRET PLOT...

THE LEADER HAS TO DESTROY

THE REVOLUTIONARY MOVEMENT.

AND HOW DO I FIT IN ?

MILES,

WE DEFROSTED YOUR CAPSULE

BECAUSE WE NEEDED SOMEONE

WITH NO IDENTITY.

EVERYONE HERE

HAS A CITIZEN'S RECORD.

WE'VE ALL BEEN COMPUTERIZED,

CATALOGUED,

FINGERPRINTED,

PHOTOGRAPHED, VOICE-PRINTED.

BUT YOU HAVE NO NUMBER.

YOU CAN BE USED

TO PENETRATE.

AND IF YOU'RE CAPTURED,

YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.

WHY, THEY COULD

TORTURE YOU FOR MONTHS.

WHAT COULD YOU TELL THEM ?

ONLY MY NAME, RANK,

SERIAL NUMBER AND YOUR NAME.

YOU'VE GOT TO HELP US.

YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG GUY.

I'M TELLING YOU.

I'M NOT THE HEROIC TYPE.

REALLY. I WAS BEATEN UP

BY QUAKERS.

MILES, YOU'RE OUR CHANCE.

NO, I'M SORRY.

I'D LOVE TO HELP YOU OUT,

BUT I NEVER GET INVOLVED

IN ANYTHING WHERE I COULD BE

TORTURED.

I'M A SCREAMER.

THAT'S MY PROBLEM. IT'S

EMBARRASSING IN THE MORNING.

I WAKE UP SHRIEKING

AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

THE SECURITY POLICE ARE HERE,

AND THEY'RE SURROUNDING

THE HOUSE.

WHEN WILL YOU BE WANTING LUNCH ?

- GO TO THE WESTERN DISTRICT !

- FIND THE AIRES PROJECT !

YOU CAN DO IT !

OUT THAT WAY, MILES !

[ Babbling ]

FLY, GODDAMN IT, FLY !

GODDAMN CHEAP JAPANESE

FLYING PACKS !

[ Shouting ]

NO ! NO ! NO !

[ Engine Revving ]

[ Box Clicks ]

[ Box Clicks ]

THEY STILL HAVEN'T LOCATED

THE ALIEN. WE'D LIKE TO CHECK

THE BACK OF YOUR VAN.

[ Door Closes ]

ALL RIGHT. COME ON. LET'S GO.

MOVE IT. OUT. LET'S GO.

I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.

COME ON, COME ON.

THERE'S YOUR NEW HOME.

[ Woman ]

OH, NO.

TSK. IS THIS THE BEST

THEY COULD OFFER ?

OH, GEEZ. I'D HOPED

FOR SOMETHING WITH AT LEAST

DECENT FEATURES. TSK !

OH, WELL, I GUESS

I'LL BRING YOU IN NEXT WEEK

AND HAVE YOUR HEAD REMOVED.

OKAY. COME ON. COME ON.

[ Sighs ]

WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?

MI-MILO.

[ TV Announcer ]

THE ALIEN IS STILL AT LARGE.

PERSONS OBSERVING ANY UNUSUAL

ACTIVITY OR BEHAVIOR...

SHOULD DO THEMSELVES

AND OUR LEADER A FAVOR...

BY REPORTING IT

TO THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY.

[ Sighs ]

ALL RIGHT, MILO. LISTEN. I'M

EXPECTING COMPANY ANY MINUTE.

YOU'LL HELP WITH THE DRINKS

AND SERVE. I'M SURE SOME

OF THEM WILL BE HUNGRY.

THE KITCHEN

IS ON A SINGLE CIRCUIT SYSTEM.

I THINK I'M GOING TO PUT

SOME ROSE OIL ON MY FINGERTIPS.

CHECK THE MUSIC CHANNEL

AND REGULATE THE AROMATROM.

AND MAKE SURE THERE'S PLENTY

OF FOOD FOR ALL THE PEOPLE.

ALL RIGHT.

[ Humming ]

[ Bubbling ]

[ Doorbell Ringing ]

[ Bubbling Continues ]

I THINK THE WAY IT WAS FIRST

EXPLAINED TO ME--

DO IT THAT WAY.

WELL, WHICH ONE ?

THERE WERE SO MANY.

THAT VERY FUNNY STORY.

[ Chattering Continues ]

HI, EVERYONE !

LONG TIME NO SEE !

LONG TIME NO SEE.

COME RIGHT ON IN.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

[ Chattering Continues ]

COME ON. HURRY UP.

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT ?

IT'S GORGEOUS.

HI. HOW ARE YOU ?

HOW ARE YOU, DARLING ?

YOU LOOK GREAT.

[ Man ]

LUNA.

THANK YOU.

[ Chattering Continues ]

[ Door Beeps ]

HERALD, IT'S WONDERFUL.

OH, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE, REALLY.

I JUST THOUGHT

YOU'D LIKE IT.

OH, IT'S KEANE.

IT'S PURE KEANE. NO.

NO, IT'S GREATER THAN KEANE.

IT'S CUGAT.

[ Bubbling Continues ]

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

IT WAS WHITE ON WHITE.

AND YOU KNOW WHERE

SHE GOT IT.

NO. YOU'RE KIDDING.

RIGHT, RIGHT.

AND YOU KNOW WHO PAID FOR--

[ Chattering Continues ]

[ Man ]

FANTASTIC !

MAGNIFICENT.

OH, LET'S GO TELL HER

ABOUT WHAT--

HERE IT IS !

LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU.

YES, THANK YOU, DEAR.

THE ORB.

UM, COULD I GET A HIT

OFF OF THAT ORB, MILO ?

UH--

[ Laughing ]

[ Guests Laughing ]

MILO ! MILO !

[ Laughing, Chattering

Continue ]

JUST--

OH. OH.

MMM.

[ Both Laughing ]

OH ! AH.

[ Shouts, Laughs ]

NOW, MILO !

LET'S ALL GO FOR A SWIM !

[ Man ]

WHERE'S THE POOL ?

[ Shouts ]

RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN !

[ Remote Clicks ]

???? [ Upbeat Classical ]

[ Gasps ]

OH, THAT WAS WONDERFUL, HER !

I FEEL SO REFRESHED !

I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE HAD SEX,

BUT THERE WEREN'T ENOUGH PEOPLE.

WE'LL USE THE ORGASMATRON.

OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

COME ON.

[ Chattering, Indistinct ]

[ Both Moaning ]

[ Both Sighing ]

OH, I HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME.

ALL IN ALL, I THOUGHT

THE PARTY CAME OFF QUITE WELL.

CERTAINLY AS GOOD AS LAST

NIGHT'S OR THE NIGHT BEFORE.

MAYBE NOT QUITE AS GOOD

AS LAST SATURDAY'S, BUT

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, HERALD ?

I LOVE A PARTY WITH A THEME.

SAY, THERE'S SOMETHING

ON YOUR MIND, ISN'T THERE ?

THEY ARRESTED

DALTON PORTER TODAY.

[ Gasps ]

WHY ?

HE WAS WITH THE UNDERGROUND.

NO.

IT WAS HORRIBLE.

THEY TRIED TO REPROGRAM

HIS MIND AND SOMETHING

WENT WRONG.

HE'S A VEGETABLE.

MM, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR

ABOUT THIS, HERALD.

I SAW IT HAPPEN.

HE WAS BABBLING.

MM-MMM.

HE CLAIMED

HE SAW SECRET EXPERIMENTS

AT THE LEXITRON HOSPITAL.

SOMETHING CALLED AIRES.

I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT

WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT, HERALD.

THIS WORLD IS SO FULL

OF WONDERFUL THINGS.

WHAT MAKES PEOPLE

SUDDENLY GO BERSERK

AND HATE EVERYTHING ANYWAY ?

WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE

AN UNDERGROUND ?

AFTER ALL, THERE'S THE ORB,

THE TELESCREEN, THE ORGASMATRON.

WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT ?

IT'S HARD FOR US TO UNDERSTAND

THE CRIMINAL ELEMENT.

WE'RE ARTISTS.

WE RESPOND ONLY...

TO BEAUTY.

OH, YES. I KNOW.

HERALD, UM,

I WROTE A NEW POEM TODAY.

YOU DIDN'T.

YES, I DID.

[ Laughs ]

A LITTLE BOY CAUGHT A BUTTERFLY

AND SAID TO HIMSELF,

"I MUST TRY TO UNDERSTAND

MY LIFE AND HELP OTHERS.

"NOT JUST MOTHERS AND FATHERS,

"BUT FRIENDS,

STRANGERS TOO,

WITH EYES OF BLUE AND LIPS

FULL RED AND ROUND."

BUT THE BUTTERFLY

DIDN'T MAKE A SOUND...

FOR HE HAD TURNED

INTO A CATERPILLAR,

BY AND BY.

IT'S DEEP.

YOU'RE SO OBVIOUSLY

INFLUENCED BY MCKUEN.

OH, OH, HER,

DO YOU REALLY LIKE IT ?

ONLY ONE THING.

UM, THEY CHANGE

FROM CATERPILLARS

INTOBUTTERFLIES.

NOT THE OTHER WAY.

THEY DO ?

THEY DO ?

DAMN IT !

DAMN IT ! DAMN IT !

I ALWAYS GET THAT WRONG !

GODDAMN ! OH, SHOOT !

RELAX, RELAX.

I'LL GET YOU SOME CHOCOLATE.

OH, NO. NOW

THE WHOLE EVENING'S SPOILED !

NO !

SPOILED ! AND I'M GETTING

A HEADACHE ANYWAY !

SHOOT, I HATE TO BE WRONG !

LUNA, NOW, NOW.

NO !

SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.

LUNA, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.

SORRY.

[ Crying ]

IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT.

I PROMISE. NOW JUST RELAX.

I WAS HAVING SO MUCH FUN.

???? [ Choir ]

COME ON.

THAT'S BETTER.

[ TV Announcer ]

AND NOW CHANNEL     LEAVES

THE AIR UNTIL TOMORROW MORNING.

OUR LEADER WISHES YOU ALL

A PLEASANT GOOD NIGHT.

- CAN I HELP YOU ?

- WOULD YOU CHANGE HIS HEAD

FOR ME, PLEASE ?

- SOMETHING

A LITTLE MORE AESTHETIC.

- RIGHT.

AND CHECK HIS WORKS.

HE ACTS PECULIAR.

YOU GOT ROOM IN THERE

FOR ANOTHER HEAD CHANGE ?

YEAH, SURE.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL BE BACK IN A LITTLE WHILE.

LET'S GO.

YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU

THE TRUTH.

I'M NOT A PUPPET.

MY NAME IS MILES MONROE.

I WAS FROZEN IN

AND SOME DOCTORS

THAWED ME OUT.

EVERYBODY'S AFTER ME,

BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING !

I'M A NICE PERSON.

I HAVE HEALTHY LIFE DRIVES

AND GOOD GOALS !

I DON'T DRINK. I DON'T SMOKE.

I WOULD NEVER FORCE MYSELF

SEXUALLY ON A BLIND PERSON.

YOU'RE THE ALIEN.

YES. YOU'RE LIVING IN A POLICE

STATE. YOUR GOVERNMENT IS EVIL.

WE HAVE TO FIND OUT

WHAT THE AIRES PROJECT IS.

GOD, YOU ARE. YOU'RE THE ALIEN.

YOU WON'T GIVE ME AWAY,

WILL YOU ? YOU'RE NICE.

OH !

[ Screaming ]

NO !

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU.

ARE YOU HUNGRY ?

DO YOU WANT A CRACKER, MAYBE ?

TAKE A CRACKER.

HOW CAN YOU NOT BE HUNGRY ?

WE'VE BEEN SITTING HERE

FOR HOURS.

THIS WAS ALL YOU HAD

IN THE CAR, WERE THESE

INTERSTELLAR SPACE COOKIES.

EAT SOMETHING.

YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

JUST TAKE A CRACKER.

[ Screams ]

WILL YOU SHUT UP ?

FOR GOD'S SAKES,

PUT YOURSELF IN MY POSITION.

I'M A CLARINET PLAYER

IN.

I GO INTO THE HOSPITAL

FOR A LOUSY OPERATION,

I WAKE UP    YEARS LATER

AND I'M FLASH GORDON.

PLUS I'M A CRIMINAL.

I NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG

IN MY LIFE.

I RAN A HEALTH FOOD STORE

IN GREENWICH VILLAGE.

OCCASIONALLY, A CUSTOMER

WOULD GET BOTULISM.

BUT THAT WAS VERY RARE.

NOW YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.

YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW.

I'M GONNA TAKE THAT GAG OFF

YOUR MOUTH, AND IF YOU'RE GONNA

SCREAM, SCREAM.

'CAUSE THERE'S NOBODY FOR MILES.

NOBODY'S GONNA HEAR YOU.

SO SCREAM.

- [ Screaming ]

- GO AHEAD. SCREAM.

I LOVE IT.

HELP ! HELP !

SCREAM.

ALIEN ! ALIEN !

HELP !

HELP ME ! HELP !

[ Screaming Continues ]

IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I'M GONNA

TAKE THIS ROCK AND BRING IT DOWN

ON YOUR HEAD SO HARD...

THAT A SUBSTANCE RESEMBLING

GUACAMOLE IS GONNA COME OUT

OF YOUR EARS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME ?

I WANT YOU TO HELP ME

REACH THE UNDERGROUND.

I'M NOT HELPING ANY ALIEN.

WE DON'T WANT YOUR CRAZY IDEAS !

SO JUST GO BACK

TO GREENBERG'S VILLAGE.

GREENWICH VILLAGE,

NOT GREENBERG'S VILLAGE !

AND THAT WAS    YEARS AGO.

I CAN'T GO BACK.

YOU'RE SICK ! YOU'RE SICK !

YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF UP !

THEY WON'T HURT YOU.

THEY'LL RESTRUCTURE YOUR BRAIN.

NOBODY TOUCHES MY BRAIN.

THEY MAY DROP IT.

THEN I WOULD TALK

LIKE MR. LAPIDUS WHO GOT HIT

BY LIGHTNING.

PLEASE ! I WANNA GO HOME !

I'M GETTING A HEADACHE.

I'M HUNGRY ! I HAVEN'T

HAD A STRESS PILL ! I HAVEN'T

HAD A BATH IN SEVEN HOURS !

I'M TELLING YOU,

I'M NOT ACCUSTOMED TO THIS !

I NEED MY ORB !

I WANT TO RELAX !

LOOK AT ME ! LOOK AT ME !

I'M SHAKING !

YOU KNOW, YOU'D BE GREAT

TO TAKE ON A CAMPING TRIP.

I ORDER YOU

TO TAKE ME HOME !

THEY'LL BE OUT LOOKING FOR ME.

YOU'VE ABDUCTED A VERY

IMPORTANT PERSON.

I AM A RENOWNED POET.

I SELL   TO    POEMS A WEEK

PLUS GREETING CARDS.

HOW FAR

IS THE WESTERN DISTRICT ?

IT'D TAKE DAYS,

AND THAT'S WITH A VEHICLE.

WELL, TAKE ME THERE,

AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN.

I PROMISE.

I'M HUNGRY !

I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT.

OBVIOUSLY,

I'LL PROMISE YOU ANYTHING.

IF I GET YOU SOME FOOD,

WILL YOU TAKE ME

TO THE WESTERN DISTRICT ?

YOU SIT HERE. I'LL GO FIND

US SOMETHING, AND DON'T TRY

ANYTHING FUNNY WHILE I'M GONE.

- 'CAUSE YOU KNOW

WHAT YOU'LL GET.

- WHAT ?

WHAT ?

W-W-WHAT WILL YOU GET ?

UH, A...

LARGE AND PAINFUL HICKEY.

MY GOD.

I BEAT A MAN INSENSIBLE

WITH A STRAWBERRY.

THAT'S A BIG CHICKEN.

WHAT A WAY TO GO--

TO BE PECKED TO DEATH.

[ Miles Crunching ]

MMM. MMM.

PASS THE CELERY.

OH !

[ Grunts ]

HERE YOU GO. OH !

COULDN'T YOU GET

ANYTHING ELSE ?

YOU THINK IT'S EASY TO RUN

WHEN YOU'RE HOLDING A BANANA

THE SIZE OF A CANOE ?

YOU DIDN'T GET ANY DESSERT.

THERE'S NO SEASONING.

THERE'S NO WINE.

[ Sighs ]

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE

THE SIZE OF THESE VEGETABLES.

I'D HATE TO SEE WHAT THEY USED

FOR FERTILIZER.

[ Moaning ]

- WHAT WAS THAT ?

- WHAT ?

THAT NOISE.

DIDN'T YOU HEAR ANYTHING ?

ARE THERE ANY STRANGE ANIMALS

THAT I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT HERE ?

ANYTHING WEIRD AND FUTURISTIC,

LIKE WITH THE BODY OF A CRAB AND

THE HEAD OF A SOCIAL WORKER ?

HOW DO YOU KNOW I WON'T TRICK

YOU AND TURN YOU INTO THE HANDS

OF THE POLICE ?

HOW DO I KNOW ?

'CAUSE I THINK, WHAT THE HELL.

I THINK MAYBE

YOU TRUST ME A LITTLE NOW.

MAYBE YOU THINK I GOT YOU FOOD,

AND I'M NOT REALLY

SUCH A BAD GUY.

OH !

[ Screams ]

OKAY, NOW WE'RE GONNA GET

A VEHICLE.

AND DON'T TRY ANYTHING FUNNY

OR YOU'LL BE SORRY. COME ON.

OH, OUR CAR BROKE DOWN.

IS IT POSSIBLE WE COULD

BORROW ONE ?

[ Man ]

OH, SURE. COME ON IN.

ARE YOU OKAY ?

JUST FINE.

MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS.

JUST LOOK AT YOURSELF.

YOU'RE SUCH A MESS !

SO DISHEVELED.

I MIGHT HAVE SOME CLOTHES

YOU COULD JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO.

UM, WHY DON'T YOU JUST

COME THIS WAY.

MY CAR RAN OUT OF--

WHAT, HONEY ?

OH.

WE HAVE TO BORROW A CAR.

WHAT ARE YOU

MUMBLING ABOUT ?

COULD I USE YOUR BATHROOM ?

YES, YES, OF COURSE.

COME ON IN AND SIT DOWN.

COME ON IN HERE AND

YOU JUST SIT RIGHT DOWN HERE,

YOU LITTLE CUTIE.

HELLO, POLICE ?

LISTEN. I CAN'T SPEAK.

I'M WITH THE ALIEN.

WE'RE HEADING WEST

ON THE     CHANNEL.

UM, WE SHOULD BE

AT THE EASTERN PARALLEL

IN ABOUT A HALF AN HOUR.

DETAIN HIM SOMEHOW.

WE'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

OKAY, I'LL TRY.

I'LL TRY, BUT I'M NOT

GONNA PROMISE ANYTHING.

OKAY ?

WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

WOULD YOU LIKE A STROKE ?

ME ? NO, THANKS.

I'M COOL.

UH, EXCUSE ME. DO YOU HAVE

A SPACE HYDROVAC SUIT ?

WELL, OF COURSE. WHY ?

ARE YOU GOING ON

THE SPACE SHUTTLE ?

UH. OH, YES. YES, I AM.

YES, AND HE FORGOT HIS.

REAGEN, BRING OUT

MY HYDROVAC SUIT

RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

HERE'S YOUR SILLY OLD

HYDROVAC SUIT.

JESUS, I COULD HARDLY FIND IT.

IT'S SUCH A MESS

IN THAT BEDROOM.

WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO

WITH A HYDROVAC SUIT ?

IF YOU DON'T WANT THE POLICE

TO RECOGNIZE YOU, YOU GOTTA

TAKE OFF THAT ROBOT UNIFORM.

YEAH, BUT WHAT IS

A HYDROVAC SUIT ?

IT'S FOR SPACE TRAVEL.

USE IT AS A DISGUISE.

[ Miles ]

I SEE YOU'RE STARTING TO THINK

A LITTLE BIT NOW.

WHY ARE WE STOPPING

BY THE RIVER ?

I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK THAT WE'RE LOST.

JEEZ. HEY, LOOK !

WHAT ?

[ Air Hissing ]

OVER THERE !

NO, OVER THERE !

SHOULD WE TAKE HER IN

OR GET RID OF HER HERE ?

ME ? BUT I'M NOT THE ONE

THAT YOU WANT !

TAKE HER IN !

WE'LL HAVE HER REPROGRAMMED !

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

YOU'VE BEEN CONTAMINATED

BY OVEREXPOSURE TO THE ALIEN.

WHAT ?

AN UNHEALTHY PERIOD OF TIME

IN THE PRESENCE OF THE ALIEN.

BUT I'M THE ONE

WHO TURNED HIM IN !

- LET'S GET RID OF HER NOW.

- OH ! OH !

- BE ONE LESS REPROGRAMMING JOB.

- SHE'LL BE FINE

AFTER THE BRAIN TREATMENT.

HELP !

ORDERS WERE FOR US

TO USE OUR DISCRETION.

I SAY DESTROY HER.

[ Screaming ]

COME ON !

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SWIM FOR IT.

I CAN'T SWIM !

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?

I MEAN, I CAN'T SWIM !

BUT I CAN'T SWIM EITHER.

GET ON TOP OF ME.

OH !

COME ON.

GET ON TOP OF ME.

I DON'T WANT TO GET WET !

[ Crying ]

HURRY UP.

-[ Miles ] PADDLE !

- I'M PADDLING !

DON'T WORRY.

I WAS A LIFEGUARD

AT BLOOMINGDALE.

HOW COULD YOU ?

I HATE YOU ! I HATE YOU !

TRY NOT TO GET UPSET.

THEY WANT TO DESTROY ME !

ME !

LEAN STRAIGHTER !

LEAN LEFT ! LEFT !

LEAN LEFT !

STRAIGHTER !

WHAT IS IT ?

IT'S A   -YEAR-OLD VOLKSWAGEN.

[ Sighs ]

GEE.

[ Engine Starts ]

WOW, THEY REALLY BUILT

THESE THINGS, DIDN'T THEY ?

"REGIS-- REGISTER COMMIES,

NOT GUNS."

WHAT'S THAT MEAN ?

WHAT ?

"REGISTER COMMIES,

NOT GUNS."

OH, HE WAS PROBABLY A MEMBER OF

THE NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION.

THERE WAS A GROUP THAT

HELPED CRIMINALS GET GUNS

SO THEY COULD SHOOT CITIZENS.

IT WAS A PUBLIC SERVICE.

I WANNA SEE THAT.

THIS IS ANEW YORK TIMES.

BE CAREFUL. FROM.

"POPE'S WIFE GIVES BIRTH

TO TWINS." WOW.

WE DON'T HAVE CITIES

LIKE NEW YORK ANYMORE.

REALLY ? NO CITIES AT ALL ?

NO, BUT I WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY

AT A POPULATION CENTER.

YOU WENT TO A UNIVERSITY ?

THAT'S HARD TO BELIEVE.

FOR WHAT ?

COSMETICS,

SEXUAL TECHNIQUE AND POETRY.

NO KIDDIN' ?

THEY TEACH YOU SEXUAL TECHNIQUE

IN SCHOOL ?

YOU HAVE TO KNOW IT

IN CASE SOMETHING GOES WRONG

WITH THE MACHINE.

WHAT DO YOU DO,

SWITCH TO MANUAL ?

TSK.

WHERE DID YOU LEARN

ABOUT SEX ?

ME ? FROM MY MOTHER.

WHEN I WAS A KID,

I ASKED HER WHERE

DO BABIES COME FROM.

AND SHE THOUGHT

I SAID "RABIES."

SHE SAID FROM A DOG BITE.

AND A WEEK LATER A LADY

ON THE BLOCK GAVE BIRTH

TO TRIPLETS.

I THOUGHT SHE WAS BITTEN

BY A GREAT DANE.

[ Laughs ]

THAT'S PERFECT.

WE'LL DUMP IT IN THE WATER.

THEY'LL NEVER FIND IT.

WHAT'S IT FEEL LIKE

TO BE DEAD FOR    YEARS ?

IT'S LIKE SPENDING A WEEKEND

IN BEVERLY HILLS.

HEY, DON'T BOTHER TO HELP.

IT'S A LIGHT CAR.

WERE YOU SCARED ?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD ?

DO I BELIEVE IN GOD ?

[ Panting ] I'M WHAT

YOU CALL A TELE-OLOGICAL

EXISTENTIAL ATHEIST.

I BELIEVE THAT THERE'S AN

INTELLIGENCE TO THE UNIVERSE...

WITH THE EXCEPTION

OF CERTAIN PARTS OF NEW JERSEY.

WHY IS IT I NEVER UNDERSTAND

WHAT YOU'RE SAYING ?

WHY ? DO YOU BELIEVE

IN GOD ?

WELL, I BELIEVE THAT

THERE'S SOMEBODY OUT THERE

WHO WATCHES OVER US.

UNFORTUNATELY,

IT'S THE GOVERNMENT.

MILES. MILES,

DID YOU EVER REALIZE...

THAT "GOD" SPELLED BACKWARDS

IS "DOG" ?

- YEAH. SO ?

- MAKES YOU THINK.

YEAH. YOU WANNA

PUSH THE CAR, PLEASE ?

COME, COME PUSH THE CAR,

WILL YA ?

READY ?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO !

NICE WORK.

JUST MY LUCK. IT LANDED

ON THE BACK OF A TURTLE.

[ Miles ]

HEY, THIS IS WHERE

THEY FIRST BROUGHT ME.

IT LOOKS DESERTED.

OH, WE REALLY

HAVE GONE WRONG.

[ Luna ]

HEY. HEY, LOOK AT THIS.

YEAH, I WONDER

WHO THEIR DECORATOR IS.

SHH !

I HEARD SOMETHING.

WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

IT'S NOTHING.

IT'S PROBABLY FUTURISTIC MICE.

MILES, I'M SCARED.

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE

SCARED OF. YOU'RE WITH ME.

[ Objects Clattering ]

[ Gasps ]

I DID THAT.

[ Continues

Gasping ]

FOR GOD SAKES,

GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF.

YOU NEED A DRINK.

COME ON. A DRINK.

WHO ARE YOU ?

ME ?

GET OFF MY CHANNEL.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

WHO IS

THAT GUY ?

SEE, I COULDN'T MAKE ENOUGH

MONEY, UH, PLAYING JAZZ,

SO I HAD TO OPEN UP

THE HEALTH FOOD PLACE.

[ Luna ]

WEREN'T YOU ANY GOOD ?

YEAH, I WAS ALL RIGHT.

BUT I ALWAYS

FELT THAT IN ORDER

TO REALLY PLAY JAZZ,

YOU HAD TO BE BLACK.

I'M JUST A MULATTO.

YOU ?

YEAH. YOU KNEW THAT

ABOUT ME, DIDN'T YOU ?

NO.

YEAH, I AM.

COME ON.

YOU'RE JOKING.

NO, I WOULDN'T KID

ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

MY FATHER WAS BLACK

AND MY MOTHER WAS WHITE

AND VICE VERSA.

OH, COME ON, MILES.

YOU ARE JOKING.

YEAH, I'M ALWAYS JOKING.

YOU KNOW THAT.

IT'S A DEFENSE MECHANISM.

DO YOU WANT

TO PERFORM SEX WITH ME ?

PERFORM SEX ?

I-I-I DON'T THINK

I'M UP TO A PERFORMANCE.

BUT I'LL REHEARSE WITH YOU

IF YOU LIKE.

OKAY.

I JUST THOUGHT

YOU MIGHT WANNA.

THEY HAVE A MACHINE HERE.

MACHINE ? I'M NOT GETTING

INTO THAT THING.

I'M STRICTLY A HAND OPERATOR.

I DON'T LIKE ANYTHING

WITH MOVING PARTS

THAT ARE NOT MY OWN.

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE

THAT YOU HAVEN'T HAD

SEX FOR    YEARS.

TWO HUNDRED AND FOUR

IF YOU COUNT MY MARRIAGE.

WHAT DID

YOUR WIFE DO ?

SHE WAS A HIT MAN

FOR THE MAFIA.

WAS--

WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL ?

YEAH, SHE WAS GREAT.

YOU KNOW, BLONDE HAIR,

YOU KNOW ?

GREAT UPTURNED NOSE.

YOU KNOW, IT WAS

REALLY DYNAMITE.

TWO BLUE EYES.

ONE ON EITHER SIDE,

OF COURSE.

I LIKED THE ARRANGEMENT.

THAT'S WHY I MARRIED HER.

SEE, YOU ARE.

YOU'RE TEASING ME AGAIN.

OH, NO.

YES.

YOU THINK I'M STUPID.

NO. HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT ?

I THINK THAT YOU'RE

BRIGHT AND SENSITIVE AND--

BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL.

YEAH, WELL THEN

HOW COME YOU'RE

NOT ATTRACTED TO ME ?

MEN GO CRAZY

OVER ME.

I'M GREAT PHYSICALLY.

I GOT A PHD IN ORAL SEX.

DID THEY MAKE YOU TAKE

ANY SPANISH WITH THAT ?

WHAT ?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I WAS AN ENGLISH MAJOR MYSELF.

YOU KNOW, CHAUCER, POPE.

I MINORED IN FOREPLAY.

IT'S A TWO-CREDIT COURSE

AT N.Y.U.

MILES ! YOU'RE NOT

TAKING ME SERIOUSLY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY

WHEN YOU SAY, "DO YOU WANT

TO PERFORM SEX WITH ME ?"

I-- IT'S SO COLD.

I NEED TO BE WARMED UP

AND SENT FLOWERS, ROMANCED.

SEX IS DIFFERENT

TODAY, YOU SEE ?

WE DON'T HAVE

ANY PROBLEMS.

EVERYBODY'S FRIGID.

OH, THAT'S--

THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

ARE THE MEN IMPOTENT ?

YEAH, YEAH,

MOST OF THEM.

EXCEPT FOR THE ONES

WHOSE ANCESTORS

ARE ITALIAN.

RIGHT. I KNEW THERE WAS

SOMETHING IN THAT PASTA.

YOU WANNA GET

IN THE MACHINE NOW ?

OH, YOU KNOW,

WE DON'T NEED THAT.

YOU KNOW, REALLY, I--

REALLY, I THINK IT'D BE

GREAT IF WE DID, MILES,

AND I WOULDN'T BE FRIGID.

YOU WON'T BE FRIGID WITH ME.

I-- BELIEVE ME.

NOBODY EVER IS.

I GOT THE MAGIC FINGERS.

YOU'RE GONNA BE-- I SWEAR.

I'VE CURED MORE WOMEN

OF FRIGIDITY.

THAT'S MY SPECIALTY.

OH.

TWO MINUTES IN BED WITH ME,

AND YOU'LL SELL THAT THING

FOR SCRAP IRON.

REALLY. I GOT

A LOT OF FAST MOVES.

REALLY. THE ONLY THING

IS I HAVE A LITTLE ASTHMA.

SO IF YOU HEAR SOME WHEEZING

WHILE WE'RE DOING IT,

YOU KNOW IT'S ME.

BUT, YOU KNOW, JUST GIVE ME

A DECENT BURIAL AND--

THIS IS THE POLICE ! WE HAVE

THE PREMISES SURROUNDED !

COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP !

LISTEN, HIDE IN THIS ROOM.

I'M GONNA LEAD THEM AWAY.

FIND YOUR WAY

TO THE WESTERN DISTRICT,

CONTACT THE UNDERGROUND.

AND FIND OUT WHAT

THE AIRES PROJECT IS.

WILL YOU REMEMBER THAT NAME ?

YES, THE JUPITER PROJECT.

THE AIRES PROJECT.

THE AIRES PROJECT.

BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU ?

DON'T WORRY

ABOUT ME, HONEY.

I'M LIKE A CAT.

I'LL ALWAYS WIND UP

ON MY FEET.

OH. OH. OH.

MR. MONROE ? I'M DR. NERO,

YOUR ORIENTATION ADVISOR.

I'M HERE TO SUPERVISE

THE INITIAL PHASE OF YOUR

ASSIMILATION INTO SOCIETY,

THE SOCIETY

THAT WILL TAKE CARE

OF YOUR NEEDS AND DESIRES...

MORE EFFICIENTLY

THAN ANY YOU MIGHT

HAVE THOUGHT POSSIBLE.

NOW, YOU GET A GOOD REST

AND NEXT WEEK YOU'LL

BEGIN A NEW LIFE.

SUBJECT PREPARED

FOR A TOTAL BRAINWASH.

WE'VE PROGRAMMED

THE C.H.C. FOR

'S REFERENCE DATA.

PROCEED AT    LEVEL D.

PROGRAMMING CODE OMEGA.

ALL SYSTEMS PROCEEDING.

ACTIVATE SUBJECT.

OUR MISS AMERICA CONTEST

IS DOWN TO THE FIVE FINALISTS.

MISS ALABAMA,

MISS FLORIDA,

MISS CALIFORNIA,

MISS HAWAII,

AND MISS MONTANA.

NOW, IN ORDER TO TEST

THE CONTESTANTS'

PERSONALITIES,

WE'RE GOING TO ASK

EACH A QUESTION.

MISS MONTANA, IF YOU COULD

DO ANYTHING FOR MANKIND,

WHAT WOULD IT BE ?

HE'S NOT RESPONDING.

GO UP HALF A CYCLE.

[ In Woman's Voice ] I WOULD

USE MY TITLE TO BRING PEACE

TO ALL NATIONS OF THE WORLD,

BE IT BLACK, BE THEY WHITE,

BE IT COLORED, BE IT WHATEVER.

AND NOW FOR THAT MOMENT

YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR--

FIRST WE'RE GOING

TO GIVE YOU MISS PERSONALITY

AND MISS CONGENIAL.

MISS FLORIDA

AND MISS HAWAII !

AND THE SECOND

RUNNER-UP IS...

MISS CALIFORNIA !

FINALLY,

THE FIRST RUNNER-UP, WHO

WILL TAKE OVER FIRST PLACE...

IF THE WINNER IS UNABLE

TO FULFILL THE DUTIES

AND OBLIGATIONS...

THAT GO WITH WINNING.

THE FIRST RUNNER-UP,

MISS ALABAMA !

WHICH MEANS THAT

THE WINNER IS MISS MONTANA !

ANYBODY HERE ?

I HAVE A NEW CITIZEN

TO BE OUTFITTED.

WHETHER YOU WANT JACKETS,

WE GOT JACKETS.

YOU WANT TROUSERS,

WE GOT TROUSERS.

THIS IS A GOOD TIME, BELIEVE ME.

WE'RE HAVING A BIG SALE.

TREMENDOUS.

POSITIVELY

THE LOWEST PRICES.

MAYBE YOU NEED

A NICE DOUBLE-KNIT.

INCIDENTAL, I'M STUCK

WITH THREE PIECES CORDUROY.

[ Nero ]

UH, SOMETHING SIMPLE.

WE GOT SIMPLE, COMPLICATED.

- WHY DO YOU WORRY ?

- WHO PUT AWAY

THAT SHIPMENT DOWNSTAIRS ?

WHY DO YOU BOTHER ME ?

I GOT A CUSTOMER.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING ?

THAT WAS ALL VELVET.

SO IT'S VELVET.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

I GOT A CUSTOMER.

- WHY DO YOU NEED

SO MUCH VELVET ?

- WHAT ?

WHERE DO WE COME

TO VELVET ?

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

UH, I'M IN A LITTLE BIT

OF A RUSH HERE,

IF IT'S OKAY.

TALK TO ME NOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR

MISTAKES ARE COSTIN' US ?

DROP DEAD.

YOU WANNA

DROP DEAD ?

OKAY, STEP AGAINST

THE SCREEN.

[ Machine Whirring ]

- THIS IS TERRIBLE.

- OKAY, OKAY,

WE'LL TAKE IT IN.

[ Nero ]

FOR THE FIRST YEAR, YOU'LL

WORK AT THE FUNCTION COMPLEX.

IT'S A REQUIRED SERVICE

OF ALL CITIZENS.

THIS IS WHERE

YOU'LL BE LIVING.

IT'S A GIFT FROM OUR LEADER.

ISN'T THIS PRETTY ?

I THINK YOU'RE REALLY

GONNA LIKE IT HERE.

THAT'S YOUR

ORIENTATION PAMPHLET.

IT HAS THE NAMES

OF ALL YOUR NEW FRIENDS.

NOW, THERE WILL BE

CONVERSATION AND DISCUSSION

ASSEMBLIES TWICE A WEEK.

AND AFTER

YOU'VE MOVED INTO

YOUR OWN PERMANENT HOME,

YOU'LL ENJOY

MECHANIZED SERVANTS.

UNTIL THEN, YOU CAN HAVE

A COMPUTERIZED DOG.

- RAGS !

- WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.

WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.

HELLO. I'M RAGS.

IS HE HOUSEBROKEN OR WILL HE

BE LEAVING LITTLE BATTERIES

ALL OVER THE FLOOR ?

DON'T YELL. WE'RE

WITH THE UNDERGROUND.

- [ Beep ]

- UM, ONCE THIS WEEK,

I QUESTIONED

MY SUPERVISOR.

AND, UH, I MISSED

A COUPLE OF MINUTES OF OUR

LEADER'S SPEECH ON TELEVISION.

AND, UM, YOU KNOW

THAT BLONDE GIRL RAINER

WHO WORKS IN MY OFFICE WITH ME--

SHE'S GOT--

WITH THE LONG BLONDE HAIR

AND THE GREAT TOMATOES ?

UM, WELL, WE'VE BEEN SNEAKING

INTO THE SLIDE PROJECTION ROOM

ON OUR LUNCH HOUR...

AND MAKING LOVE TOGETHER.

AND I KNOW

IF THEY CATCH US,

IT'S AGAINST THE RULES.

BUT, UH, I-I CAN'T HELP IT.

BECAUSE, UM-- UH, AND I

HOPE THAT YOU FORGIVE ME.

[ Making Cash Machine

Sounds ]

[ Luna ]

HELLO, MILES.

- WHO ARE YOU ?

- WHO AM I ? I'M LUNA.

- WHO ?

- LUNA.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER ?

WE WERE OUTLAWS, ALIENS.

THE POLICE CAPTURED YOU.

I ESCAPED.

I'M WITH

THE UNDERGROUND.

REMEMBER ?

THE WESTERN DISTRICT ?

MILES, I'M LUNA.

LUNA, REMEMBER ?

LUNA.

YOUR NAME

IS NOT LUNA, IS IT ?

THINK BACK, MILES.

?

THE HAPPY CARROT

HEALTH FOOD STORE ?

THE RAGTIME RASCALS ?

- YOU'RE THE ALIEN.

- THAT'S RIGHT, MILES.

I'VE COME FOR YOU.

HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE ?

DON'T COME NEAR ME.

RAGS ! RAGS !

MILES.

GET IN HERE.

WOOF, WOOF.

HELLO. I'M RAGS.

WE'RE NOT GONNA

HURT YOU.

- COME ON, FELLA. GET HER.

GO FOR HER THROAT, RAGS.

- HELLO. I'M RAGS.

WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.

WE'RE NOT GOING

TO HURT YOU.

WE'RE GOING

TO REPROGRAM YOUR MIND.

WE'RE GOING TO FREE IT.

RAGS, GET HER.

HELLO. I'M RAGS.

WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.

GO AHEAD. GODDAMN DOG.

HELLO. I'M RAGS.

[ Whistles ]

HELLO. I'M RAGS.

WOOF, WOOF.

HELLO. I'M RAGS.

WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.

HELLO. I'M RAGS.

WOOF, WOOF, WOOF, WOOF.

WE HAVE

A GOOD FILE ON HIM.

WE'LL INDUCE

A HYPNOTIC STATE...

AND FORCE HIM

TO REEXPERIENCE SOME OF

THE MAJOR TRAUMAS OF HIS LIFE.

HOPEFULLY,

THIS WILL SHATTER

HIS RECENT PERSONALITY...

AND ALLOW THE OLD ONE

TO EMERGE AGAIN.

[ Moans ]

MY ORB. MY ORB.

YOU DON'T NEED THAT

ANYMORE, MILES.

NOW, LISTEN TO ME, MILES.

IT'S THE YEAR.

IT'S TIME FOR

THAT SUNDAY DINNER

AT YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE.

YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE ?

IN BROOKLYN ?

ON K AVENUE.

[ Miles Gasping,

Panting ]

[ Imitating Miles' Mother ]

NU, WHAT ARE YOU

STANDING THERE ?

COME IN.

YOUR FOOD IS GETTING COLD.

- [ Imitating Miles' Father ]

LET'S EAT.

- MILES, TAKE SOME PEAS.

SOON THE PASSOVER HOLIDAYS

ARE COMING, AND YOU'LL BE

WANTING TO WEAR YOUR MATZOS.

NO, I GOT SOMETHING

TO TELL YOU.

ARLENE AND I HAVE

TO GET A DIVORCE.

SHE THINKS I'M A PERVERT

BECAUSE I DRANK

OUR WATER BED.

[ Speaking Yiddish ]

[ Erno Speaking Yiddish ]

WHAT WILL

THEMGOYIMSAY ?

NO, NO !

STOP WHINING

AND EAT YOUR SHIKSA.

[ Groaning ]

[ With Southern Accent ]

OH, NO. NO, PLEASE,

DON'T LET IN THE LIGHT.

OH, COVER

THOSE LIGHTS, PLEASE.

PLEASE, DON'T GET UP.

I WAS JUST PASSING THROUGH.

OH !

ERNO.

OH !

ERNO, WHAT'S HAPPENING ?

SOMETHING'S

GONE WRONG

WITH THE TREATMENT.

HIS BRAIN IS LOCKED

SOMEWHERE ELSE. HE BELIEVES

HE'S ANOTHER PERSON.

NO, NO. I NEED--

MILES. MILES.

WHO ARE YOU, MILES ?

I'M BLANCHE.

BLANCHE DUBOIS.

IT MEANS "WHITE WOODS."

HE'S LIKE A SLEEPWALKER.

WE CAN'T UPSET HIM

OR IT COULD BE FATAL.

- WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ?

- WELL, YOU'VE READ

STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE.

JUST PLAY ALONG WITH HIM.

HE NEEDS ANOTHER INJECTION.

PHYSICAL BEAUTY IS PASSING.

A TRANSITORY POSSESSION.

BUT BEAUTY OF THE MIND

AND RICHNESS OF THE SPIRIT

AND TENDERNESS OF THE HEART,

AND I HAVE

ALL THOSE THINGS.

AREN'T TAKEN AWAY

BUT-- BUT GROW,

INCREASE WITH THE YEARS.

STRANGE THAT

I SHOULD BE CALLED

A DESTITUTE WOMAN...

WHEN I HAVE

ALL THESE RICHES

LOCKED IN MY HEART.

[ As Marlon Brando ]

I BEEN ONTO YOU

FROM THE START.

I SEEN HOW YOU TRY

TO SPRINKLE THIS PLACE UP...

WITH THEM POWDERS AND THOSE

FANCY FRENCH COLOGNES.

WELL, I SAY, HA !

YOU HEAR ME ?

HA ! HA !

I-- I-- I THINK--

I-- YEAH.

WHY-- WHY, YOU'RE

NOT THE GENTLEMAN

THAT I WAS EXPECTING.

WHAT'S GOING ON ?

WHOEVER YOU ARE,

I'VE ALWAYS DEPENDED ON

THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS.

HOW YOU FEELIN',

MILES ?

OH, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

YOU-- YOU WERE SCREAMING OUT

DIFFERENT NAMES IN YOUR SLEEP.

I WAS HAVING

SEXUAL NIGHTMARES.

WHO ARE THE A&P GYPSIES ?

OH, YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT.

I FEEL DIFFERENT, MILES.

I'VE SPENT THE PAST SIX MONTHS

LIVING LIKE A WILD ANIMAL.

REALLY ?

THAT'S RIGHT, MILES.

ALL OF US.

ALL OF US IN THE UNDERGROUND,

WE ALL LIVE DAY TO DAY ON OUR

CUNNING AND OUR INSTINCT.

WE'RE ALL A PACK

OF WILD ANIMALS.

[ Man ]

LUNCH, LUNA.

WHILE YOU WERE BEING A PAWN

IN A CAPITALISTIC SOCIETY,

- ERNO'S BEEN TEACHING ME

THE BEAUTY OF KARL MARX.

- WHO'S BEEN TEACHING YOU ?

ERNO. OH, MILES,

YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST MEET HIM.

HE'S WONDERFUL.

SOMEDAY IN A FEW MONTHS

HE'S GOING TO LEAD

THE REVOLUTION...

AND START A MARXIST REGIME.

GOVERNMENT BY THE WORKERS

AND THE DOWNTRODDEN MASSES.

YOU REMIND ME

OF LISA SORENSON.

WHO ?

AN OLD GIRLFRIEND OF MINE

FROM THE VILLAGE.

A TROTSKYITE WHO

BECAME A JESUS FREAK...

AND WHO WAS ARRESTED

FOR SELLING PORNOGRAPHIC

CONNECT-THE-DOTS BOOKS.

MILES, I WROTE A SONG

ABOUT THE REVOLUTION.

THERE'S NOT GONNA BE

ANY REVOLUTION UNLESS

WE STOP THE AIRES PROJECT.

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT.

YOU JUST RELAX. NOW, LISTEN.

?? REBELS ARE WE ??

?? BORN TO BE FREE ??

?? JUST LIKE THE FISH

IN THE SEA ????

OOH, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T KNOW

THAT YOU WERE KISSING.

OH, MILES, I WAS

JUST TELLING ERNO

ABOUT AIRES DAY.

HE HAS A PLAN,

MILES.

YOU TELL HIM, ERNO.

RIGHT, DARLING.

MILES, THIS IS

A ONE-CHANNEL RADIO.

WHA-WHAT, DARLING ?

NOW, THIS-- THIS

IS A PHONY THUMBPRINT.

IT'LL ALLOW HER

TO PASS THROUGH

THE SECURITY SCANNING DEVICE.

[ Luna ]

WE'RE GONNA STEAL OPERATING

GOWNS AND POSE AS DOCTORS.

AND THAT'S HOW

WE'RE GONNA GET INSIDE.

OKAY, TRY NOT

TO APPEAR NERVOUS.

SMILE. PEASANTS.

RELAX. YOU'RE

SHAKING LIKE A LEAF.

HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO SHAKE ?

EVERYTHING'S

GONNA BE FINE.

SO HOW COME YOU'RE SHAKING ?

'CAUSE YOU'RE--

YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS.

DON'T BLAME ME.

[ Nervous Chuckling ]

HELLO.

WOULD YOU GET

A GRIP ON YOURSELF ?

YOU'D PROBABLY FEEL

A LOT SAFER WITH

MR. WHITE-TEETH BACK THERE.

WHO ?

THE REBEL CHIEFTAIN

WITH THE WALL-TO-WALL

MUSCLES ON HIS CHEST.

YOU MEAN ERNO ?

ERNO. IT'S A GREAT NAME

IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE THE STAR

OF A VAMPIRE MOVIE.

HE'S BRILLIANT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

HE COULDN'T BE WITH US TODAY.

HE'S GOTTA GO TAKE

HIS HANDSOME LESSON.

OH, YOU'RE JEALOUS.

JEALOUS ? ARE YOU KIDDING ?

WITH A BODY LIKE MINE,

YOU DON'T GET JEALOUS.

CERTAINLY YOU DON'T

EXPECT ME TO TIE

MYSELF DOWN TO ONE MAN.

MY LOVE IS A FREE GIFT TO

ALL THE BOLSHEVIK BROTHERS.

DO WHAT YOU WANT.

YOU'RE OVER.

LITTLE TRAMP.

WE'RE HERE ON BUSINESS.

FREE LOVE.

I CREATED A BOHEMIAN MONSTER.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW

SHE'LL WANNA HAVE

GROUP SEX WITH THE ROBOTS.

WILL YOU SHUT UP ?

YOU'RE ATTRACTING ATTENTION.

GIVE HER A COUPLE

OF BOOKS TO READ,

AND RIGHT AWAY SHE'S

MISS PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL,

NEO-FASCIST,

HEGELIAN, FREUDIAN MONSTER.

WE DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS

IF YOU'RE GONNA GET HYSTERICAL.

JUST GET YOUR PART RIGHT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

IF IT GETS SCREWED UP,

IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU.

"IF IT GETS SCREWED UP,

IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU."

OH, YOU'RE RETARDED.

I'M ON A MISSION

WITH A RETARDED MAN.

ALL RIGHT, JUST GET

YOUR PART RIGHT.

NO, YOU GET YOUR PART RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT

THE HELL I'M DOING HERE.

I'M    YEARS OLD.

I SHOULD BE COLLECTING

SOCIAL SECURITY.

DO YOU REMEMBER

THE DIAGRAM ?

HERE'S THE FAST FORWARD.

THAT'S THE DUAL CONTROL.

THAT'S THE MANUAL.

THAT'S THE OVERHEAT.

THAT'S THE REWIND.

WE'VE BEEN OVER ALL THIS.

YES, I KNOW, BUT I WANNA

MAKE SURE YOU GOT IT.

I'M THE GUY THAT'S

GOING OUT THE WINDOW. IT'S

A LONG DROP TO THE PAVEMENT.

I'M LIABLE

TO BRUISE MY SMOCK.

ALL RIGHT, MILES,

DON'T WORRY. I GOT IT.

THIS IS THE MANUAL.

- NO, THAT'S THE REWIND.

- THEN THIS IS THE MANUAL.

NO, THAT'S THE DUAL CONTROL.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID

YOU HAD IT.

I DO.

I HAVE IT. I HAVE IT.

DO YOU LOVE ERNO ?

OH, MILES, I DON'T KNOW.

UH--

ALL RIGHT,

THE COAST IS CLEAR.

START LOWERING ME.

- THIS IS... MANUAL.

- NO, THAT'S FAST FORWARD !

OH ! OH, MILES.

OH ! OH, LOOK,

I-- I, UH--

I GOT SOME

OF THE TAPE AROUND.

FOR A MINUTE

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T KNOW

HOW TO WORK THE MACHINE.

ERNO SAID TO TAKE

THE NORTH ESCALATOR.

I'M RUNNING THIS, NOT ERNO.

WE'RE GOING MY WAY.

IT'S ERNO'S PLAN.

HE KNOWS WHAT

HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

WHY ? 'CAUSE HE'S HANDSOME,

SO HE KNOWS EVERYTHING ?

HE'S GOT CAPPED TEETH.

DID YOU KNOW THAT

ABOUT ERNO ?

HE'S GOT CAPPED TEETH.

EVERY ONE. HE'S

GOT CAPPED GUMS.

ERNO IS AN ARCHITECT

AND A MATHEMATICIAN.

YEAH, BUT

CAN HE DO THIS ?

YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

FINE.

WE'RE GOING MY WAY.

OH, DR. TEMKIN,

THERE YOU ARE.

WILL YOU COME WITH US ?

THE MEETING IS THIS WAY.

DOCTOR.

WE'RE DOCTORS.

WE'RE TWO BIG DOCTORS.

WE'RE NOT IMPOSTORS.

DR. TEMKIN,

COULD WE PLEASE ?

BIG DOCTOR.

EYES, EAR, NOSE

AND THROAT.

PLEASE, MAY WE ?

MAY WE, DOCTOR, PLEASE ?

NICE WORK.

THAT'S A BAD BREAK. THEY

THINK WE'RE SOMEONE ELSE.

I KNOW. IF WE'D FOLLOWED

ERNO'S INSTRUCTIONS,

EVERYTHING'D BE OKAY.

I DON'T WANNA HEAR

ABOUT ERNO ANYMORE.

THAT'S THE ONLY THING

THAT MAKES ME S-STUTTER.

IT'S ALWAYS ERNO.

I'M TIRED OF HEARING

ABOUT HIM.

NO MORE ERNO.

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP !

ALL RIGHT.

[ Man's Voice ]

GENTLEMEN, NONE OF YOU HAVE

EVER MET BEFORE...

FOR OBVIOUS REASONS

OF SECURITY.

BUT NOW

AIRES DAY IS HERE.

I REALIZE

THAT WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY

WILL COME AS A GREAT SHOCK.

HOWEVER, I'M COUNTING ON YOU

TO RESPOND APPROPRIATELY.

TEN MONTHS AGO,

OUR LEADER SUFFERED

A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT...

WHEN A BOMB, PLANTED

IN HIS HOME BY MEMBERS

OF THE UNDERGROUND, EXPLODED.

NATURALLY,

IT WAS KEPT QUIET.

BUT SINCE THEN,

WE HAVE VIRTUALLY BEEN

A LEADERLESS SOCIETY.

UNFORTUNATELY,

PREPARATIONS FOR A SUCCESSOR...

HAVE NEVER BEEN

ADEQUATELY CLEAR.

IN SHORT, WE HAVE

BEEN IN THE THROES

OF A MAJOR CRISIS.

AS FOR OUR LEADER,

THE EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT

RUSHED TO THE SCENE

OF THE ACCIDENT IMMEDIATELY,

BUT ALL THAT REMAINED

OF HIM WAS THIS.

THIS IS OUR LEADER'S NOSE.

USING GREAT PRESENCE OF MIND,

WE RUSHED THE NOSE

TO OUR CLOSEST DELTA LABORATORY

WHICH IS HERE...

WHERE, THROUGH MASSIVE

BIOCHEMICAL EFFORT,

IT HAS BEEN KEPT ALIVE

FOR NEARLY A YEAR.

OUR DREAM HAS BEEN

THAT BY CLONING,

WE WOULD REDUPLICATE

THE ENTIRE LEADER AGAIN.

CLONING, FOR THOSE OF YOU

UNFAMILIAR WITH BIOLOGY,

IS A PROCESS BY WHICH

USING ONE SINGLE CELL,

A DUPLICATE OF THE PERSON

IT CAME FROM COULD BE FORMED.

TILL NOW WE'VE ONLY HAD

LIMITED EXPERIMENTAL SUCCESS.

BUT ALL EFFORTS

HAVE BEEN DIRECTED TO CLONING

OVER THE PAST TEN MONTHS.

AND NOW WE FEEL CONFIDENT

WE CAN REPRODUCE OUR LEADER...

IN PERFECT TACT

FROM HIS NOSE.

GENTLEMEN, WITH GOD'S HELP,

IN A COUPLE OF HOURS,

WE WILL HAVE

OUR LEADER BACK.

AND WE WILL THEN COORDINATE

AIRES PHASE TWO...

WHICH WILL EXTERMINATE

ALL DISSIDENT FACTIONS

ON SIGNAL...

FROM OUR REBORN LEADER.

MILES, IT'S A NOSE.

YES, I KNOW.

I WAS RIGHT HERE.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ?

RADIO ERNO IMMEDIATELY.

NOW IS THE TIME TO STRIKE.

THE LEADER IS SUFFERING

FROM A TERRIFIC HANDICAP.

HE HAS NO HEAD OR BODY.

WE'RE NOT FULLY PREPARED.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

THEY'RE IN A STATE OF CHAOS.

IF WE STRIKE QUICK,

WE GOT 'EM.

OKAY, GIVE ME THE RADIO.

I DROPPED THE RADIO.

YOU DROPPED THE RADIO ?

IT FELL OUT OF MY POCKET

WHEN I WAS HANGING OUTSIDE.

FELL OUT OF YOUR POCKET--

WILL YOU STOP REPEATING

EVERYTHING I SAY ?

WILL YOU STOP REPEATING

EVERYTHING I SAY ?

GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF.

WE GOTTA STOP 'EM.

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY.

WE GOTTA STEAL THE NOSE.

HOW ?

UH, I DON'T KNOW.

I NEVER STOLE AN ORGAN BEFORE.

WAIT A MINUTE !

I GOT AN IDEA.

THE NOSE IS IN

THE OPERATING CHAMBER.

RIGHT.

WE GO TO THE FLOOR BELOW,

CUT A HOLE IN THE CEILING...

[ Repeating ]

BIG ENOUGH TO SLIDE THROUGH,

COME UP UNDER THE NOSE

AND HIDE IT UNDER MY COAT.

IT'S A STUPID PLAN.

THERE'S NO CHANCE.

WHAT'S WRONG ?

BECAUSE IT'S TOO SUBTLE.

WE HAVE NO TIME FOR THAT.

WE'RE DRESSED LIKE DOCTORS.

WE GO INTO THE OPERATING ROOM.

YOU CREATE A DIVERSION,

AND I'LL STEAL THE NOSE.

GREAT !

OOH.

MILES, I'M SCARED.

TAKE IT EASY, WILL YOU ?

YOU TOOK SOME SKIN THERE.

HERE.

WHAT IS THAT ?

A TABLE LIGHTER ?

YOU GAVE IT TO ME

FROM MELIK'S.

BEFORE THEY CAPTURED YOU.

WHERE HAVE YOU

BEEN HIDING IT ?

DON'T TELL ME.

OOH.

THE TRICK

IN THESE SITUATIONS

IS TO REMAIN COOL.

MILES, YOU'RE

BITING MY NAILS.

'CAUSE YOU'RE TENSE.

WE'RE HERE

TO SEE THE NOSE.

I HEARD IT WAS RUNNING.

DR. TEMKIN,

WE'RE READY ON THIS END.

YOU DON'T MIND IF SOME

OF OUR YOUNGER PEOPLE...

WHO ARE NOT INVOLVED

IN GENETIC PROGRAMMING

JUST OBSERVE ?

NO. NOT AT ALL.

I LIKE TO BE WATCHED

WHILE I CLONE.

THE MORE THE MERRIER.

I NEVER-- I NEVER--

NEVER CLONE ALONE.

[ Computer Voice ]

HELLO, DR. TEMKIN.

SO NICE TO SEE YOU.

I'M BIO-CENTRAL

COMPUTER     SERIES G.

I'LL BE ASSISTING YOU

THROUGH THE ENTIRE PROCESS.

MAY I SAY, DOCTOR,

WE'RE ALL AWARE

OF YOUR REPUTATION...

AND WE LOOK FORWARD

TO A SUCCESSFUL AND

REWARDING CLONING PROCEDURE.

THIS IS MY-- MY ASSISTANT.

D-D-DR. SPOCK.

JANIS.

J-J-J-JANIS.

DR. SPOCK.

- DR. SPANIS.

- DR. SPANISH.

- DR. SNOT.

- DR. SLAVISH.

I BETTER HAVE A LOOK

AT THE PATIENT.

OH, WOW. IT'S IN

A LOT WORSE SHAPE

THAN I THOUGHT.

BETTER LAY OFF

ARMENIAN WOMEN.

YOU CAN SEE THE CODED

MEDICAL HISTORY

ON READOUT FOUR.

I BELIEVE THAT THIS

IS GOING TO BE A...

VERY DIFFICULT

CRONING JOB.

OH, YES. CLONING,

YOU IDIOT, NOT CRONING.

CLONING !

- WE'RE READY TO PROCEED.

- UH-- HMM.

AFTER LOOKING

AT THE NOSE,

I GET THE FEELING THAT

WHAT WE OUGHT TO DO PERHAPS

IS POSTPONE THE CLONING.

EXCUSE ME, DOCTOR,

BUT THAT WOULD BE

A TRAGIC MISTAKE.

SEE, I THINK WHAT

THE COMPUTER IS FAILING

TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT...

IS WHAT I CALL

THE PINOCCHIO FACTOR,

WHICH STATES

THAT THE SQUARE ROOT

OF THE PROBOSCIS...

IS EQUAL TO THE SUM

OF THE SINUSES...

OVER SEVEN.

WELL, WHAT IS

YOUR OPINION, DOCTOR ?

SHOULD WE PROCEED

WITH THE CLONING

OR SHOULD WE POSTPONE ?

AH, INDEED.

I, UH-- ONE MOMENT.

A MOMENT. A MEDICAL MOMENT.

YES. WELL, UH--

YES, I BELIEVE THAT

WE SHOULD GO AHEAD

WITH THE CLONING.

GO AHEAD WITH THE--

EXCUSE ME. I HAVE TO HAVE

A CONFERENCE WITH THE DOCTOR.

DOCTOR, FOR A SECOND

IF YOU'LL JUST

COME OVER HERE.

I JUST WANNA SPEAK

TO YOU ABOUT THAT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

GO AHEAD WITH THE CLONING ?

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO ?

I DON'T KNOW

HOW TO CLONE A NOSE.

YOU'RE CRAZY !

[ Both Arguing ]

[ Arguing Continues ]

DOCTOR,

PLEASE PROCEED.

[ Miles ]

STOP IT !

YOU STOP IT.

GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF.

OF COURSE I'M GLAD

YOU PUT IT TO ME

IN THAT FASHION.

AND NOW

IF YOU'LL LET ME HAVE

THE LOBSTER FORK, PLEASE.

WHAT YOU HAVE HERE--

I DIAGNOSED

THE ENTIRE SITUATION,

AND I THINK WHAT WE'VE GOT,

WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH

BASICALLY IS A NOSE.

I THINK WE'RE ALL

IN AGGREANCE ON THAT.

I HAVE THE LITTLE

BEGGAR RIGHT HERE.

AND WHAT YOU WANT BASICALLY

IS A WHOLE ENTIRE PERSON...

CONNECTED

TO THAT NOSE, RIGHT ?

OTHERWISE, YOU'D GET

YOUR MONEY BACK.

NOW, DID YOU WANT ME

TO LEAVE ROOM

FOR A MOUSTACHE,

'CAUSE THERE'S A NICE AREA

IN THERE WHICH IT'LL--

IT'S, UM-- WHAT--

IT'S CLEVER.

SHE'S CLEVER.

WHAT THE DOCTOR IS DOING HERE--

WE'RE PLACING DOWN THE GARMENTS,

'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA CLONE.

WE'RE GONNA MAKE AN ATTEMPT

TO CLONE THE PATIENT

DIRECTLY INTO HIS SUIT.

AND THAT WAY,

HE'LL BE COMPLETELY DRESSED

AT THE END OF THE OPERATION.

IT'S A FIRST IN CLONING,

AND THEN WE COULD ALL JUST

GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

WE DON'T HAVE TO HANG

AROUND THE CLOTHING ROOM

WHILE HE SUITS UP.

I THINK IT'S TIME TO CHECK

THE CELL STRUCTURE.

SUGGEST IT'S--

CHECKING THE CELL STRUCTURE.

CHECKING THE CELL STRUCTURE !

AH, CHECKING

THE CELL STRUCTURE.

CHECKING... THE CELL STRUCTURE.

[ Miles ]

THE STRUCTURE CELLS

TO BE CHECKED.

CHECKING THE CELL STRUCTURE.

[ Whistles ]

CHECKING THE CELL STRUCTURE.

CHECKING THE CELL STRUCTURE.

CHECKING THE CELL STRUCTURE.

AND NOW THE CELL STRUCTURE

HAS BEEN CHECKED.

I THANK YOU SO MUCH.

AND NOW I'LL JUST TAKE

MY MASK, IF YOU DON'T MIND,

AND I'LL STRAP IT ON

TO MY FACE.

AND IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME

FOR ONE SECOND...

WHILE I GIVE THE PATIENT

A QUICK NOSTRILECTOMY.

UH, THIS IS IT.

KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED.

SOMETHING'S GOING WRONG.

THERE'S BEEN A CURRENT BREAK

IN THE LIFE-SUPPORT SYSTEM.

WHAT I THINK WE SHOULD DO--

[ Man ] WHAT'S THAT

YOU'VE GOT UNDER YOUR MASK ?

PARDON ME ?

UNDER MY MASK ?

NOTHING. WHY ?

IS-- DOES-- DOES

IT LOOK EXCESSIVELY BULBOUS ?

HE'S GOT THE NOSE.

HE'S GOT THE NOSE

UNDER HIS MASK.

HE'S GOT THE NOSE.

QUICK ! QUICKLY !

ALL RIGHT, NOBODY MOVE

OR I SHOOT YOUR PRESIDENT.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE.

DON'T COME NEAR ME.

I'M WARNING YOU, OR HE

GETS IT RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES.

HE'LL DO IT.

I'VE SEEN HIM SHOOT A NOSE.

PLEASE, PLEASE,

PLEASE BE CAREFUL.

YOU DON'T REALIZE

THAT YOU'VE BEEN DEALING...

WITH ONE OF THE GREATEST

MINDS YOU'VE EVER SEEN.

YEAH, AND HIS

ISN'T SO BAD EITHER.

YEAH.

DON'T COME NEAR US.

ALL RIGHT.

GET OUT OF HERE NOW.

HE'S BLUFFING.

HE WOULDN'T

SHOOT THE NOSE.

BLUFFING, AM I ?

OKAY, CLOWNS,

YOU ASKED FOR IT.

MILES, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I CANNOT BELIEVE

THAT WE ACTUALLY DID IT.

AN EYE FOR AN EYE,

A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH

AND A NOSE FOR A NOSE.

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT THE HELL THAT MEANS,

BUT IT SOUNDS BRILLIANT.

OH, MILES, YOU WERE

ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.

JUST THINK.

ERNO'S PLAN WORKED.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ERNO'S PLAN ?

WHAT WAS I THROUGH

ALL OF THAT ?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ?

IT WAS ERNO'S PLAN ?

LOOK, I CANNOT GET

INTO THIS DISCUSSION

ABOUT ERNO WITH YOU.

I'M GETTING A HOSTILITY ACHE,

AND I'M-- A MIGRAINE

HEADACHE NOW.

AND I HAVEN'T SEEN

MY ANALYST IN    YEARS.

AND HE WAS

A STRICT FREUDIAN.

AND IF I'D BEEN GOING

ALL THIS TIME, I'D PROBABLY

ALMOST BE CURED BY NOW.

MILES, ERNO'S GOING

TO LEAD THE REVOLUTION

AND HEAD THE NEW GOVERNMENT.

LOOK, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ?

IN SIX MONTHS, WE'LL BE

STEALING ERNO'S NOSE.

POLITICAL SOLUTIONS DON'T WORK.

I TOLD YOU THAT.

IT DOESN'T MATTER

WHO'S UP THERE.

THEY'RE ALL TERRIBLE.

THE POLITICAL MEN--

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING

AT ME LIKE THAT FOR ?

I THINK

YOU REALLY LOVE ME.

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.

THIS IS WHAT--

THIS IS WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT.

AND YOU LOVE ME. I KNOW THAT.

AND I DON'T BLAME YOU, HONEY.

YOU KNOW, I-- I-- I--

AND I'M NOT KNOCKING ERNO.

HE'S GREAT

IF YOU HAPPEN TO LIKE...

A TALL, BLONDE PRUSSIAN,

NORDIC, ARYAN NAZI TYPE.

BUT, MILES, MEANINGFUL

RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN

MEN AND WOMEN DON'T LAST.

THAT WAS PROVEN

BY SCIENCE.

YOU SEE, THERE'S

A CHEMICAL IN OUR BODIES...

THAT MAKES IT ALL SO THAT

WE ALL GET ON EACH OTHER'S

NERVES SOONER OR LATER.

HEY, THAT'S SCIENCE.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN SCIENCE.

YOU KNOW, SCIENCE IS

AN INTELLECTUAL DEAD END.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A LOT

OF GUYS IN TWEED SUITS

CUTTING UP FROGS...

ON FOUNDATION GRANTS AND--

OH, I SEE. YOU DON'T

BELIEVE IN SCIENCE.

AND YOU ALSO DON'T BELIEVE

THAT THE POLITICAL

SYSTEMS WORK.

AND YOU DON'T BELIEVE

IN GOD, HUH ?

RIGHT.

SO THEN,

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN ?

SEX AND DEATH.

TWO THINGS THAT COME

ONCE IN MY LIFETIME.

BUT AT LEAST AFTER DEATH

YOU'RE NOT NAUSEOUS.