How Star Wars The Last Jedi Should Have Ended


 * Poe: Oh wow she's floating back all the sudden! Quick someone open the door!
 * C-3PO: But sir!
 * All: (Screams)
 * Poe: Oh my!


 * BB-8: I've got bad feeling about this.
 * Poe: Oh no happy beeps, buddy! Happy beeps. This is Poe Dameron of the republic feet I have an urgent communique for General Hux.
 * General Hux: Destroy that ship.
 * Poe: Hello?
 * Imperial Officer: Right away, sir.
 * Poe: Aw, poop.
 * Guy: We've got enemy fighters closing in!
 * Admiral Ackbar: Uh... I suddenly have to use the bathroom.
 * Woman: The chain of command dictates that Admiral Ackbar will take command. Because... seniority.
 * Admiral Ackbar: Excellent! Heheh. Sorry Sister.
 * Rey: (Sighs) I'd rather not to do this right now.
 * Kylo Ren: Yeah me too.
 * Rey: Oh my gosh!
 * Kylo Ren: A little privacy please!
 * Rey: Eeww! The image is burned in my brain!
 * Snoke: He he he he.
 * Rose: Okay. We're here. Let's land in the tall grass so we don't get spotted by some red-neck alien.
 * Finn: Oh good idea!
 * Rose: This is a covert mission. We don't have time to waste rescuing horses or feeling bad for random kids.
 * Finn: Right.
 * Rose: No matter how sad it makes us.
 * Finn: Right.
 * Rose: Our friends are literally running for their lives. It's all up to us.
 * Finn: Alright I know! I said I get it. Geez. We're landing in the grass.
 * Snoke: And that, dear child, is my origin story!
 * Rey: Well that was kind of a detour to the current situation I'm dealing with but now I understand... Darth Plagueis!
 * Kylo Ren: Your parents weren't nothing. They were drinkards.
 * Rey: (Cries)
 * Kylo Ren: They sold you for drinking money.
 * Obi-Wan: I don't seem to remember my granddaughter even being sold for drinking money.
 * Kylo Ren: What! Who are you?
 * Obi-Wan: I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi. And this here is my granddaughter.
 * Rey: (Gasps)
 * Kylo Ren: That's not true!
 * Rey: Really!?
 * Kylo Ren: That's impossible!
 * Obi-Wan: Search your feelings you know it to be true. Now. As I was trying to tell you before these are your first steps. And your true parents are...
 * Anakin: (Gasps)
 * Obi-Wan: Oh no!
 * Anakin: You're a grandfather too!?
 * Obi-Wan: Not this again, Anakin. Every time!
 * Anakin: I'm so happy for you!
 * Rey: I'm so happy too!
 * Anakin: Let's tell everyone! Do you want to tell everyone!?
 * Rey: Of course!
 * Obi-Wan: Please don't.
 * Rey: Ben, did you hear the news?
 * Kylo Ren: Is that... my... Grandfathher!???
 * Anakin: Hi Ben!
 * Kylo Ren: Grandfather!!!!!
 * General Hux: What are they doing?
 * Guy: Sir, they're transmitting a message!
 * Admiral Ackbar: This is Admiral Ackbar of the republic fleet with an urgent communique to Commander Hux.
 * General Hux: Good lord. Not this again. What do you want?
 * Admiral Ackbar: Commander Hux. Do you know what this is?
 * General Hux: What are you talking about? None of us an see you, Ackbar!
 * Admiral Ackbar: Do you know what this is!?
 * General Hux: What, what is?
 * Admiral Ackbar: Do you know? What it is? It's a...
 * General Hux: It's a what?!
 * Admiral Ackbar: It's aaaaa...
 * General Hux: What are you doing right now?!
 * Admiral Ackbar: It's... A... TRAP!!!!!!!!!
 * Kylo Ren: AAAAGH!!! Why'd you slice of mu hand?!
 * Rose: I saved you, dummy.
 * Finn: What, what? What do you think I was trying to do?
 * Rose: It's not about winning... It's about saving the ones you love.
 * Finn: That's what I was trying to do! Ackar did the exact same thing earlier.
 * Rose: Let's kiss.
 * Finn: What the! NO!
 * Guy: This is just sad.
 * Guy 2: Shouldn't we let'm go?
 * Guy: Uh... No.
 * Poe: Oh DANG! Finn and Rose just died!
 * Leia: Finn and who?
 * Luke: What do you think was going to happen? That I would take the First Order with nothing but a laser sword?
 * Rey: Yes! That's exactly what I thought was going to happen.
 * Luke: That actually does sound pretty awesome. Okay! Let's do it! This place is dead anyway. But first... Let's get one for the road.
 * Rey: Let's go!
 * Luke: Alright alright. We can go. I'm gonna miss you the most.
 * Kylo Ren: I want every gun we have... to fire on those two. Do it! That's impossible! He's never been seen saving that force ability before!
 * Karl: Well we all have seen you do that before... so it's not too crazy to think he can do the same.
 * Kylo Ren: Shut up, Karl! Nobody asked you!
 * Luke: Now.
 * Kylo Ren: No! NO! NOOO! NOOOooooooo! Bring me down th-- AAaggaggagaaaaaaahgggg Oh Come On!
 * Luke: What is with you and lightning all of the sudden?


 * Admiral Ackbar: Now. As my first act as commander... I wish to tell everyone the plan. We have a secret base on a nearby planet that we are trying to reach. So nobody freak out or start a mutiny or anything. We actually have a plan to survive.
 * Poe: Oh thank God!