Downtown as Fruits

(The episode begins with Arnold surfing on a surfboard in a beach. Dinosaurs watch his movements as he shreds a wave. It turns out that Arnold was having another daydream)
 * HELGA: Cut! Cut! (Arnold's daydream ends.) Hey, Arnold!
 * ARNOLD: Huh?

(The other kids laugh at him, except Gerald) (He leaves) (The bell rings. Everyone leaves, but Helga blocks their path) (The image fades to the exterior of the Sunset Arms house. A teen wearing a cape runs away from something.) (Later, the door opens, and a horde of pets come out revealing Arnold dressed as a banana. He goes to Gerald, who is, of course, dressed up as a strawberry.) (The two board the bus. As they get on, other bus riders notice the two costumed kids. They get to their seat in the back.) (Arnold tries to pull the cord for P.S. 118 as Gerald quivers in fear. Arnold tries to pull it, but lets go as the bus passes P.S. 118) (The bus drives off. Back at the school, everyone's in costume. Helga gives out rehearsals, with her as a milk carton) (The bus engine turns off.) (The two leave the bus as they find out they wound up in the bus parking lot.) (They try to call, but they realize the phone cord is cut.) (A taxi cab drives by, and the person riding it throws a bag at the two.) (Arnold opens the bag, revealing stacks of money inside.) (Arnold and Gerald leave. Two men that have the same costumes, but different size, come in the scene.) (Later, Arnold and Gerald leave Roscoe's Funky Rags in their new outfits, and put the fruit costumes in the dumpster. Except Arnold has his banana shoes intact.) (The two stop at Gino's Souvlaki Shack. They eat their meal on the curb.) (Arnold and Gerald share a laugh. Back at the auditorium, the play's in full swing. Harold and Eugene are up on stage.) (Harold and Eugene are on top of each other in a spectacular fashion.) (The two meats lose their balance.) (She takes out a heart-shaped locket with Arnold's picture on it.) (A crash is heard, and it reveals that Harold is on the audience.) (Repeat. Brainy, not in costume, interrupts her soliloquy by purring like a cat over her shoulders. Helga notices and punches Brainy with her fist. Back downtown, Arnold and Gerald are dancing atop pool tables.) (The customers cheer.) (They chase Arnold and Gerald, but they successfully make it to Zamboni Jones' Psychic Palace.) (The light shines on Zamboni Jones, who is making a yoga pose. Arnold and Gerald go through the curtains.) (Gerald pictures Helga on stage, crying, as the audience boos) (She hits her head on a light pole as she says it. Back in the present...) (The boys leave the palace. Zamboni Jones takes off his fake eyes) (Outside, with a stack of money at hand, Arnold whistles for a cab. The boys board the car to head to the funky rags shop. They get rid of their fancy wear, and put their fruit costumes back on. The car stops at a family repairing a car. Arnold's head sticks out the window as he hands some cash to a woman.) (Then, the car goes through the bridge, and parks at P.S. 118. Arnold and Gerald leave the car as Arnold hands the cabbie the money. Inside...) (She looks at Phoebe as she sheds a tear. Helga goes center stage where the audience is booing and throwing food at the stage.) (Piano music plays.) (Curtain reveals the other kids in costume.) (The audience claps. Helga frees her head as Brainy lowers the curtain, crushing her. Helga sighs with relief, ending the episode.)
 * HELGA: Get off the stage!
 * HELGA: This isn't your scene!
 * ARNOLD: Oh, yeah. Sorry.
 * HELGA: Amateur. Okay, let's pick it up from the dance of the vegetables. (She snaps her fingers in time with her counting) A five, six, seven, eight!
 * HELGA: Not so fast!
 * HAROLD: Come on Helga, we know our lines!
 * HELGA: (in a sarcastically happy feeling) Know your lines? Of course, you know your lines. But I don't want to just hear your lines. (gets serious again) I want to hear what's in your souls!
 * CURLY: Do vegetables have souls?
 * HELGA: That audience expects foods with feelings, and that's what we're gonna give them! Iggy, what's your motivation?
 * IGGY (voiced by someone else): I don't know. I'm a utensil.
 * HELGA: Stinky, what's in your character's guts? (Stinky passes out.) I thought so, you guys all bite. Okay, here the deal! I want every kid here a half an hour early so we can do another run-through. If anybody's late... (She shows her fist to a kid) they're gonna have to answer to Ol' Betsy.
 * MONKEYMAN: Ahh, Monkeyman!
 * GERALD: Fruits. We had to be fruits. Why couldn't we be in the bread group? Or beverages? I could've been a cream soda!
 * ARNOLD: Yeah, we're fruits. And let's hurry up, or we'll miss the bus!
 * GERALD: Slow down! This strawberry really chaffes!
 * GERALD: Man, this is humiliating!
 * ARNOLD: This is nothing. In a few hours, the entire student body will be laughing at us. (A bus rider pulls the cord to make the bus stop. She leaves.) I can't believe we have to do this... for Helga.
 * GERALD: I know. It's not fair! There's nothing we can do about it! (Realizes the cord) Unless.
 * ARNOLD: Unless, what?
 * GERALD: Let's just say, we forgot to pull that cord, and we didn't get off at this stop, or the next stop, or the next! Hey, by the time we get home, the play would be over!
 * ARNOLD: No, we couldn't do that. It'll ruin the play.
 * GERALD: Well, was it right for Helga to make fun of you during rehearsal?
 * ARNOLD: Well, Gerald, we gotta stop. We can't ruin the play.
 * ARNOLD: Well, maybe one more stop will be okay.
 * HELGA: People, people! (She gets everyone's attention.) Now remember, a play has a life of its own. It has to breathe. Every food group must build upon the group that came before it. First, the legumes.
 * PEAPOD KID: (Dressed as a pod of peas.) Legumes? I thought we were beans.
 * HELGA: You are, genius! (Goes down the line.) Then the meats, lusty and powerful. Then the fruits, they're... (Turns back and notices Arnold and Gerald gone!) Hey, where are the fruits?
 * PHOEBE (dressed as a slice of cheese): They're not here, Helga. They never showed up.
 * HELGA: What? (Blinks twice.) ARNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLDDD!!! (She screams so loud, Arnold hears her echo. Back on the bus...)
 * ARNOLD: Did you hear something just now?
 * GERALD: No.
 * ARNOLD: Hey, how far does this bus go anyway?
 * GERALD: What difference does it make? When it gets to the end of the line, we'll ride it back again! (in Jamaican accent) The journey is the destination, man.
 * ARNOLD: What's that mean?
 * GERALD: I'm not sure. I heard it in a hippie movie.
 * ARNOLD: Hey, what's going on?
 * GERALD: Aw man, this is the end of the line!
 * ARNOLD: You and your hippie movies. Does this mean?
 * GERALD: Yeah, we're stuck.
 * ARNOLD: Downtown
 * GERALD: As fruits.
 * ARNOLD: Now what?
 * GERALD: Hmm... I know! We'll call my mom and dad! They'll come pick us up.
 * ARNOLD: Good idea!
 * GERALD: Great! Just great!
 * ARNOLD: Well, at least, let's get rid of these costumes.
 * GERALD: Uh, I can't.
 * ARNOLD: Why not?
 * GERALD: I didn't wear anything underneath!
 * ARNOLD: You didn't wear anything underneath?
 * GERALD: Well, polyester makes me sweat.
 * ARNOLD: Okay, so you have to stay a strawberry.
 * GERALD: Arnold, this is serious! We're stuck downtown, I'm a strawberry, and we don't have any money!
 * TAXI RIDER: Here you go!
 * ARNOLD: What's this?
 * TAXI RIDER: You know what it is! Just take it!
 * ARNOLD: Wow. People downtown sure are friendly.
 * GERALD: Let's go!
 * MAN 1: He's two minutes late.
 * GERALD: You were right, Arnold. Those shoes really pull yourself together.
 * ARNOLD: You hungry?
 * GERALD: Does souvlaki cover the four food groups?
 * ARNOLD: Who cares?
 * HAROLD (singing off-key): I'm a steak, juicy steak, full of fat and protein.
 * EUGENE: (on-key) I'm a ham, you know I am, (speaks) and if you keep kosher... (sings) I'm not in your routine.
 * HELGA (backstage): Psst! Psst! Stretch! STRETCH!
 * HELGA: (sadly) I can't believe this is happening! Do you know how hard I prepared for my role? I ate nothing but dairy products for two weeks! (angrily) If I ever get my hands on that Arnold, I'll, I'll...
 * HELGA (in a loving tone of voice): Soothe his fevered brow. Oh, my lost poor sweetheart, how I love you.
 * HELGA: (angrily) And yet I hate you! (loving) And yet I love you.
 * ARNOLD: Hey, waiter! Sodas for everyone!
 * ARNOLD: Rack 'em again, fat man.
 * MAN 1: What do you mean you gave it to the wrong banana?
 * MAN 2: Um...
 * MAN 1: What did this other banana look like?
 * MAN 2: You know, kinda small? Kinda yellow... banana shoes... just like those. (Notices Arnold's banana shoes.) Hey!
 * ZAMBONI JONES: Who enters the realm of the great Zamboni?
 * ARNOLD: Uh... I'm Arnold. This is Gerald.
 * ZJ: Wait, wait! You're... you're Arnold, and... Gerald.
 * GERALD: Good guess.
 * ZJ: Ha! Zamboni Jones does not guess, he knows! You have come to me with a problem.
 * ARNOLD: Yeah, we came downtown, and at first, everything was great. But now, it's all... gone wrong.
 * ZJ: There is a disturbance in your karmic energy field. (hums) Is there someone you may have harmed in the past? (hums a little more) Someone you may have wronged?
 * HELGA: My play! My play! My beautiful play!
 * GERALD: Nope. Can't think of a soul.
 * ARNOLD: Gerald, you gotta be kidding! Think of Helga and her play, and all the kids at school we're letting down!
 * GERALD: What's your point?
 * ARNOLD: Ugh... come on! We got a karmic energy field to fix! Bye, Mr. Jones! Thanks!
 * ZJ: Hey! Where's my $3.50? I should've foreseen this.
 * WOMAN: Wow. People downtown sure are friendly.
 * HELGA (crying): I'm ruined! Ruined! My future as playwright is over!
 * HELGA: (over microphone) Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, there will be a small change in the fourth act; we won't be having it. It seems that some of our food groups are not as dedicated as the rest of us.
 * HELGA: (over mic) But the show must go ooooooooooooonnnnn! (slides off stage and crashes)
 * ARNOLD AND GERALD (singing): Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's fruits! It's fruits! That really makes us toots! (they shake their rear ends, slight laughter from the audience)
 * ARNOLD (singing): It's fruits!
 * GERALD: (speaking): It's fruits!
 * BOTH (singing): That gives us all a hoot! It's not like other food groups aren't important...
 * ALL (singing): In fact, you need us all to make your fingernails, and eyes, and organs, fruits! It's fruits! You gotta have your fruits! That's what the folks with scurvy say...
 * ARNOLD AND GERALD (singing): Because with fruits, us fruits...
 * ARNOLD (singing): That's really makes us siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing! (Yes, he was holding that note.)
 * HELGA: (from backstage, angrily) Wait till I get my hands on you, Arnold, you... (calmly) beautiful creature.
 * ALL (singing): This is the end of our play!