The Big Bran Hypothesis

Quotes

 * (The morning scene after Sheldon has cleaned Penny's apartment. He walks into the kitchen singing to himself and he stops singing when he sees Leonard)
 * Sheldon: Morning.
 * Leonard: (quite grumpy) Morning.
 * Sheldon: I have to say, I slept splendidly. Granted, not long, but just deeply and well.
 * Leonard: (so sarcastic at Sheldon) I’m not surprised. A well known folk cure for insomnia is to break into your neighbour’s apartment and clean.
 * Sheldon: Sarcasm?
 * Leonard: You think?
 * Sheldon: Granted, my methods may have been somewhat unorthodox, but I think the end result will be a measurable enhancement of Penny’s quality of life.
 * Leonard: You know what, you’ve convinced me, maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet.
 * Sheldon: You don’t think that crosses a line?
 * Leonard: Yes! For God’s sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth.
 * Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign?
 * Leonard: (very fed up) No, I do not have a sarcasm sign


 * Raj: Are there any chopsticks?
 * Sheldon: No need for chopsticks, this is Thai food.
 * Leonard: Here we go.
 * Sheldon: Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of 19th century. Interestingly, they don't put the fork in their mouth; they use it to put the food on a spoon which then goes into their mouth.
 * Leonard: (To Raj) Ask him for a napkin, I dare you.


 * (While trying to figure out how to get box with furniture to Penny's apartment)
 * Leonard: We don’t need strength, we’re physicists. We are the intellectual descendants of Archimedes. Give me a fulcrum and a lever and I can move the Earth, it’s just a matter… (starts to move package) I don’t have this... I don’t have this I don’t have this.
 * (Sheldon catches Leonard and the box)
 * Sheldon: Archimedes would be so proud.


 * Sheldon: Ah, gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.


 * Penny: Hi
 * Leonard: Oh.
 * Penny: What's going on
 * Leonard: Um, here’s the thing. (Reads from note.) Penny. Just as Oppenheimer came to regret his contributions to the first atomic bomb, so too I regret my participation in what was, at the very least, an error in judgement. The hallmark of the great human experiment is the willingness to recognise one’s mistakes. Some mistakes, such as Madame Curie’s discovery of Radium turned out to have great scientific potential even though she would later die a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning. Another example, from the field of ebola research….
 * Penny: Leonard
 * Leonard: Yeah.
 * Penny: (hugs him) We're okay.
 * (Kisses him on cheek. Closes door. Leonard looks happy, walks back across hallway and straight into the apartment door.)


 * (The morning scene at Apartment 4A after Sheldon asks Leonard that does he want any cereal)
 * Sheldon: I'm feeling so good today, I'm going to choose from the lower fiber end of the shelf. Hello, Honey Puffs.
 * (We now hear Penny shouting angrily from across the hall)
 * Penny: (out of vision) SON OF A BITCH!
 * Leonard: (nervous) Penny's up.
 * Penny: (out of vision) YOU SICK, GEEKY BASTARDS!
 * Leonard: How did she know it was us?
 * Sheldon: I may have left a suggestive organizational schematic for her bedroom closet.
 * (We now hear the angry Penny shouting from the hallway for the final time)
 * Penny: (out of vision) LEONARD!
 * Leonard: God, this is gonna be bad.
 * Sheldon: (He puts the packet of Honey Puffs back on top of the fridge) Goodbye, Honey Puffs. (he punishes himself into picking a packet of Big Bran) Hello, Big Bran.
 * (Sheldon admires the packet when there is a banging sound of door opening in the background).


 * (The scene of which Penny immediately bursts into Apartment 4A. she is furious)
 * Penny: (she's shouting at Leonard) You came into my apartment last night when I was sleeping?
 * Leonard: Yes, but, only to clean.
 * Sheldon: Really more to organise, you’re not actually dirty, per se.
 * Penny: (she's so very cross with Leonard) Give me back my key.
 * Leonard: I’m very, very sorry.
 * Penny: (she's asking Leonard crossly) Do you understand how creepy this is?
 * Leonard: Oh, yes, we discussed it at length last night.
 * Penny: (she's explaining angrily) In my apartment, while I was sleeping.
 * Sheldon: And snoring. (Penny glares at Sheldon) And that’s probably just a sinus infection, but it could be sleep apnoea, you might want to see an otolaryngologist. It’s a throat doctor.
 * Penny: (she's asking Sheldon crossly) And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?
 * Sheldon: Depending on the depth, that’s either a proctologist or a general surgeon. (Leonard holds up a sign reading “Sarcasm”) Oh!
 * Penny: (she is so mega-fully cross) God!
 * Leonard: Okay, look, no Penny, I think what you’re feeling is perfectly valid, and maybe a little bit later today when you’re feeling a little bit less, for lack of a better word, violated, maybe we could talk about this some more.
 * Penny: (she loses her hugest temper) Stay away from me.
 * Leonard: Sure, that’s another way to go.
 * Sheldon: Penny, Penny, just to clarify because there will be a discussion when you leave, is your objection solely to our presence in the apartment while you were sleeping, or do you also object to the imposition of a new organisational paradigm.
 * (The really bad tempered Penny stares in disbelief, then leaves.)
 * Sheldon: Well that was a little non-responsive.
 * Leonard: You are going to march yourself over there right now and apologise. (Sheldon laughs.) What’s funny?
 * Sheldon: That wasn’t sarcasm?
 * Leonard: No.
 * Sheldon: Wooh, boy, you are all over the place this morning. (Knocks on Penny’s door.) I have a masters and two PhD’s, I should not have to do this.
 * (Penny opens her apartment door. She is still very cross indeed)
 * Penny: (she shouts angrily at Sheldon) What?
 * Sheldon: I am truly sorry for what happened last night, I take full responsibility. And I hope that it won’t colour your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy, but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover. (Penny closes door in his face.) I did what I could.


 * (the corridor scene of Raj running up the last few stairs with a take-out in his hand and stops himself when he sees the so really upset Penny arriving down the last few stairs in a temper holding a basket of laundry)
 * Penny: (she greets Raj crossly) Hey Raj. (Raj stands looking uncomfortable. He walks a pace just as Penny faces Raj and she shouts at him about Leonard and Sheldon's folly) Hey, listen, I don’t know if you heard about what happened last night with Leonard and Sheldon, but I’m really upset about it, I mean they just, they let themselves into my place, and then they cleaned it, I mean can you even believe that? How weird is that?
 * Raj (voice-over): (internally, while Penny continues to talk) Ooh, she’s standing very close to me. Oh my, she does smell good. What is that, vanilla?
 * Penny: (she is still really very cross) You know, (she slams her laundry basket down onto the stairs in fury and she continues to shout at Raj) where I come from, someone comes into your house at night, you shoot, okay? And you don’t shoot to wound. I mean, alright, my sister shot her husband, but it was an accident, they were drunk. What was I saying?
 * Raj (internally): She’s so chatty. Maybe my parents are right. Maybe I’d be better off with an Indian girl. We’d have the same cultural background, and my wife would sing to my children the same lullabies my mother sang to me.
 * Penny: It’s obvious that they meant well, but I’m just, I’m having a really rough time, like I said, I broke up with my boyfriend, and it’s just freaking me out.
 * Raj (internally sings an Indian lullaby.)
 * Penny: I mean, just because most of the men I’ve known in my life happen to be jerks, doesn’t mean I should just assume Leonard and Sheldon are. Right?
 * Raj (internally): She asked me a question. I should probably nod. (Does.)
 * Penny: That’s exactly what I thought. Thank you for listening. You’re a doll. (She hugs him.)
 * Raj (internally): Oh-oh. Turn your pelvis. (Does.)