Shake Your Booty

I can't wait to see what Mr. Canavan thinks of my essay on emoticons. I hope he gives me a semi-colon, uppercase P. He's gonna be ticked off I didn't write an essay. Although, he did say write what you want, so it's kind of on him. Class, your essays were so bad, I'm giving your future children F's. This week, I want you to write about the greatest thing in the history of the world. Is it Cyd? Is it Shelby? No. It's disco! The grooviest music of all time. And that's what you're gonna write about. Or not write about. And to set the mood, we're gonna listen to Clyde Shackleford's seminal album, Where All The Funky Women At? Is it weird that I'm recording this and don't want to watch it in the first place? What are you gonna do? It's the age we live in. You were absolutely right, Renaldo. This rejuvenating soak is exactly what I need to free my mind. I can feel the solution for time travel bubbling up within me! Oh, no, that's not the solution. You're sitting on one of the jets. So I am. You know, I don't hate it. Guess what Mr. Canavan's forcing us to do. Write an essay on disco! I'm outraged. I love it when you're outraged. You're so good at it. I am good at it. I mean I am good at it! I'll admit, having an entire English class write essays on a short-lived genre of popular music is unorthodox, but then again, I don't care enough to finish this thought. My dad was in a band in the '70s and they played a disco song. I have it right here in my phone. Be right back! Hey, guys! My dad's song is also on this tablet Be right back. Hey, guys! My dad's song is also on this laptop Be right back. Luckily my dad has a record of his song in this box of stuff from the '70s. It's also lucky he has a full warranty on all of our home electronics. Got the card right here. Hey, let's listen to the song. I love this song! I had no idea disco was so mean and angry. I don't think that was a disco song. What gave you that idea? Well, it said, "Punk is cool and disco stinks. " Also, on the back of the album cover, there's an apology to stink for associating it with disco. So it's a punk song. That means I love punk! It's like rusty metal and broken glass had a baby But a cool baby. Naldo, I have to hear this song. Does your dad still play? Nah, he gave it up so my mom would live with him. Cyd, I just had a great idea. We can jump back to the '70s and learn about disco for the essay. And I can see Naldo's dad's band. Look, they're called The Stench. And they're playing live in the commons. Let me get this straight. You can use time travel to hear any musical act in history And you choose a high school punk band called The Stench? Yep. Choice in music aside, this is uncharted territory. Up until now, you've only traveled within your lifetime. Going to the 1970s would mean going to a time when you didn't exist. Back me up here, Renaldo. Under no circumstances should they jump to the '70s. They jumped to the '70s, didn't they? No, they're still here. To the '70s! Renaldo, look! When they jumped they left behind these particles. These could be tachyons, theoretical particles associated with faster-than-light travel. And they're shaped like the girls! That's an observation I can make. All right, we must clean and secure this area immediately so we can study these particles! Upon initial inspection, they seem to be emitting some sort of rotten egg smell. Yeah, that must be the tachyons. This smell is clearly significant. I must do everything I can to analyze it before it disperses! No rush, you'll be smellin' it all day. We did it. We realized my lifelong dream of being in the '70s. I thought your lifelong dream was being in your 70s. Oh, yeah, you're right. I'm going to be a bangin' old lady. This is so exciting! I wonder what 1970s us looks like! Let's take a time selfie! Why do we look exactly like we did in the present? Maybe it's because we traveled to before we were born. There was no us here to jump into. Can we take another one? My eyes were closed. You look great with your eyes closed. Are you just saying that because you looked super cute and you don't want to take another one? Eh Hey, look, '70s people! They look so cool. Why can't we be dressed like that? Why can't we? Let's go to the lost and found. No one ever finds anything good in the lost and found. That went better than I expected. Should we feel bad about taking clothes that belong to other people? They obviously didn't care about the clothes. They've been in the lost and found since the '70s. Hey, foxy mamas. Pose for the yearbook. What do I do with this? I can't post it. I can't like it. I can't tag it I'm freaking out! I got you. That was close. Can you send that to me? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Very interesting. What does it say? Well, given that this is a meat thermometer, all I can tell you is the tachyon particles are well done for pork but way too rare for poultry. So what do we do? I don't know, Renaldo! No one's ever studied tachyons before. I'm making this up as I go. Much like you make up fake state names for novelty T-shirts. Kississippi is for lovers. Yes, I know. And North Chairolina is for sitting. Can we please get back to work? Barry, look! "Foxy Freshmen Cyd Ripley and Shelby Marcus Hang Loose In the Commons. " How could their names be in the yearbook? They didn't exist back then. I fear the girls are becoming a part of the 1970s. And I fear a clown will climb out from under my bed and make fun of my PJs. We're saying things we're afraid of, right? You don't understand, Renaldo. The girls may get stuck in the past and never be able to come back. All right, we're all set with our sweet, sweet '70s style. Although, this outfit is giving me a mad case of hip rash. You, uh, didn't have to take that polyester jumpsuit out of the lost and found. And you didn't have to take used underwear. We both made choices we have to live with. Check it out Disco kids! And punks! It's my people! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What's going on here? This is very un-groovy. That's Mr. Canavan! You know, how you always wonder what teachers looked like when they younger? Nope. Me neither. All right, clear out of here, everybody! Uh-uh-uh Not you discos. I'm writing you a hall pass to Funky Town! I'm gonna go talk to the discos. They can help us with our essay. And I'm gonna talk to the punks. They can help me find Naldo's dad's band. Ah, the classic Shelby and Cyd. I'll do the homework while you do that thing you want to do. Hey, you ever heard of the band called The Stench? Their music makes me want to lick the inside of a trashcan so my mouth knows how my ears feel. That thing you just described was very gross. I like it. You got a real dumpster mouth on you. You look just like Naldo. You're Mr. Montoya! "Mr. Montoya. " You punks could learn a thing or two about respect from Dumpster Mouth here. A punk nickname? I love it! Cool it, Cyd. Act like you've been there before. I'm Rennie, lead singer of The Stench. You should check us out. We're playing a gig here in the commons later. Whoa, whoa! What is this? No! Your band's not playing that punk music in my commons. That's not fair. The disco kids listen to their music in the commons. That's because disco is the grooviest music ever made. It should be shared with the world like love, wood paneling, and this great new sugar substitute called saccharin. Now, get outta here! You're takin' up prime boogie real estate. No. I came here to see The Stench! I'm gonna see The Stench! Yeah. Oh, you can see The Stench. Yeah. In detention! Aw. Nobody blame themselves. We all walked right into that. Shelby! We have to jump back Shelby! Okay, now, let's practice your disco chant. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Woo! Woo! Maybe just keep your mouth closed and keep dancing? I can totally do that. Good work, the tachyon enclosure's coming along nicely, Renaldo. It's very important that we protect the particles from contamination. Thanks. I had to eat a lot of egg salad sandwiches to get enough plastic wrap. Why didn't you just buy a lot of plastic wrap? I wanted to eat a lot of egg salad sandwiches. Renaldo, look! Another picture of the girls. They're not together anymore. Shelby and Cyd's tachyon signatures are drifting apart. The electromagnetic bond between them is dissipating. Barry, I'm scared. Would it be awkward if I asked you to hold me? It sure would, buddy. Then I won't ask. Oh, no. The girls have lost their connection to each other. What if they forget each other? How will they jump back? Guys, check it out. I think I mastered my disco chant. That's a seal. But it's a disco seal! We are gonna nail our essays, me and my friend My friend What's her name? Cyd. Why was that so hard to remember? It's him! Who is that? Barry? Dad? You're Barry. But you can't be Barry. You're Barry's dad! Now I ain't no dad, mama! I also know you're not a mama. That's just what I call chicks. Which is what I call foxes. Which is what I call babes. Which is what I call you. No This is so weird. You look just like Barry. Who's Barry? I'm Disco Dennis. But Barry's a pretty outta sight name, though. Maybe I'll call my son that one day. Dang it! I think I just named Barry! Okay, this is getting way too freaky. I need to get home. I got to find my friend, um My friend Cyd! Why can't I remember that? I got to get out of detention so I can get back home. I need to find my friend My friend Shelby! Why can't I remember that? Don't feel bad. I forget things all the time. What were we talking about? I know what we were talking about. I'm just trying to make you feel better. What's going on here? Why isn't everybody dancing? Canavan, the Man! Disco Dennis, the Dance Floor Menace! Mr. Canavan, have you seen a girl around here, black leather jacket, plaid skirt, mohawk? Yeah, I've seen her. Threw her and her punk friends straight in detention for getting their funk all over our commons. I thought "funk" was a good thing. Except when it's a bad thing. You see, funk is an auto-antonym, Where the same word also means its opposite. How bad is that? In this case, bad meaning good. Which is why the school board says I'm one bad English teacher. Something's wrong. I need to find that girl. I can't remember why, or who she is. But I have to find her. I need to go to detention. Nope. Forget it. Nobody goes to detention unless they deserve to go to detention. Oh! It's been like three minutes since we boogied! You want detention? You got it. Do I know you? No. And you're never gonna. Good. 'Cause I don't wanna Punk. Disco! Cyd and Shelby's tachyon signatures are starting to fade. If we want to save them from being trapped in 1978, we're running out of time! But here's something good Shelby and your dad were voted "Most Funkiest Couple. " Renaldo, when I give the signal, blast these tachyons with the laser. If my calculations are correct, it will open a wormhole to 1978. I'll jump through, rescue the girls and tell Shelby to keep her mitts off my daddy! Oh, no, I think we're too late. The signatures are almost gone! Quick! Help me capture some of the particles! Here, use these empty pickle jars. Why do you have so many empty pickle jars? 'Cause I ate all the pickles. Got some. The signatures are gone. We've lost our only link to the girls. They're lost in time. Well, well, well, what do we have here? Smells like fresh meat Don't it, boys? Cool it, I don't want any trouble. You discos may own the commons, but detention is punk territory. Wow, Dumpster Mouth. You picked up the dynamic real quick. You can't "own" detention. Detention belongs to everybody. Can you dig it? Hey, I did it. So what'd a pretty little disco like you do to get tossed in here? Hey, I know. She went like this When she should've went like this No, I got myself thrown in here on purpose because I was looking for For I don't remember. This disco ditz don't even know why she done what she did. She blow dried the brains right outta her head. Hey, let's show this disco how we shake our "booty. " Stop it! Stop it! Knock it off! Leave her alone. What gives, Dumpster Mouth? I don't know what gives, it just don't feel right. Why? I, uh Don't remember. Get a load of this one. Looks like somebody else got a case of disco brain Don't talk to her that way. Did you just stand up for me? You stood up for me. I had to. I was so outraged. I love it when you're outraged. You're so good at it. I am good at it. I mean I am good at it! Cyd? Shelby? Cyd, we forgot each other. Do you think it's because we traveled outside our lifetime? I don't know. But, I can't believe I almost lost you. You'll never lose me. You're my best friend. You're my best friend. A punk and a disco, best friends? This is making me question everything I believe in. Put 'er there, Canavan. Did you just spit in your hand? That's how you know I mean it. Let's go home. I think we've learned enough about the '70s to write our essays. Smack it! Did you spit in your hand? I was trying to show I meant it, but it is super gross. It's not a weird question, Dad. Is Mom still my mom or not? We were so worried! I'm so glad you're back! And I'm so glad you're not my mother! His mother? What happened when I was in detention? Uh, nothing happened. But let's just say Disco Dennis has got some moves. Well, thanks to your ill-advised trip outside your lifetime, we managed to collect some tachyon particles, which should allow us to make great strides in our time travel research. That's great, Barry. Really awesome. Should we ask him what tachyon particles are? Nah, then he'll just explain it. Hey, guys, check out the new picture in the yearbook. No way. The punks and discos dancing with each other. We brought them together We should be there for that! We earned that boogie. Stay together! Stay away from my dad! I can't believe how awesome that was. I can't believe we all knew the exact same dance moves. If we had that much fun in the past, think of all the fun we'll have in the future. Oh, come on! There's those footsteps! Quick, touch my hand! No! I'm tired of being scared of this future lab. I want to see what this guy's up to. Don't care what he's up to Too scary! Too scary! Did you see the logo on that guy's suit? Yeah. What do you think it was? I don't know. But now, we have a clue. We have to figure out what this means. We have to figure out what this means.