Big Time Girlfriends

Guys. Here's a little thing we like to call Together: Fan mail! No way! [All cheering] "Dear Kendell, can you please, please, please, please, please send a photo?" "I love BTR, but mostly James. " Ha, she's wrong. "Logan, you're my favorite. P. S., please enjoy this meatloaf I made for you. " Meatloaf! "P. P. S., please give it to Carlos. " - That is my meatloaf! - No, you hate meatloaf! Well I don't know about you guys, but I'm sending my fan a photo. [Air horn blaring] All: Fan mail do's and don'ts. Do keep it short and simple. Write things like, "you rock too" and "hey, thanks. " Do sign your name. All fans love autographs. Don't give out any personal information or advice. Otherwise some crazed fan will show up on your front doorstep and ask you to help make them famous. [Screaming] All: Jenny Tinkler? Guys, I did it! I packed up everything, and I moved to L. A. So you can help me be famous like you promised. ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪ make it count, play it straight ♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪ where you go big time ♪ what you know, what you feel ♪ never quitin', make it real ♪ when you're going big time ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪ hey, hey listen to your heart now ♪ hey, hey don't you feel the rush ♪ - # oh-oh, oh-oh # - # hey, hey # go and shake it up ♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪ go and make your luck ♪ with the life you choose ♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it ♪ big time ♪ So, fan girl, which one of these lads gave you advice, and the address to my studio? Yup, they're all here. Get out. Ow, ow. You told Jenny to come out to L. A., and we'll help her make her dreams come true? Not in those exact words. "Jenny, come out to L. A., and we'll help make your dreams come true. " I didn't think she would do it. You wrote down the airline schedule and turn-by-turn directions to Rocque records. Is the bad stuff over? "P. S., we promise we'll help you. " What did we tell you about making promises you can't keep? But it's Jenny. We love Jenny. Plus, she said that she was our biggest fan. She did come all the way to Chicago to come see us. Yes, but it's Jenny. You know what happens around Jenny. Bad things, bad things. Fine. I'm gonna tell the girl who we've been friends with, since pre-k that you guys don't want to help her, and that she has to go back to Minnesota. Stop! We are a team. So if Carlos totally messes up and promised we'd help her, then we got to help her. - Yes. - [Screaming] All: Jenny! [Loud trombone playing] - Easy, Jenny, easy. - Put it down. Put it down. Wow, you do not hear trombone playing like that every day. Not if you can help it. But it's time for the big finale! [Screaming] Oh, no! [Sliding trombone playing] [Crash!] It's starting. [Screaming] Sorry. People say I'm a little accident prone. Get this out of here before it destroys the rest of my studio! Jenny, come on. Let's go make your dreams come true. You guys are the best. [All shout] [All screaming] Stop it. I can't believe I'm at the famous Palmwoods! Oh! [Screams] Sorry. She's lot less clumsy than I remember. Yeah. But remember, we love Jenny. Yeah, and remember the second grade when she broke my arm playing marbles? Or the fifth grade when she gave me the first paper cut in history that required surgery, and then, eighth grade Lab partners. It took almost a year for your hair to grow back. I'm out! [Engine revving] [Screaming] Here are your keys. Have a Palmwoods day. Ooh, what a nice stapler. [All shouting] Put it down, Jenny! Put that thing down. Sorry about that, bitters. This whistling is driving me crazy! [Wind whistling] - Oh, come on! - Great news! The super is on strike, but he said that trombone girl's thermostat finale probably shorted the fans. - What is this? - It's a wrench, and the manual. - We have to fix it ourselves. - Yeah, I don't do wrench. Hey, this whistling is driving me crazy! - Who are you? - Death smash. The world's most destructive band. When we rented out the rehearsal space, we didn't request an idiot in a track suit and whistle noises. Huh? You told me to make more money for the studio, so If you don't fix the fan right quick, we're going to show you how destructive we can get. [Smashing and crashing] And fix it we can! Whistle be gone soon there, mates. We know exactly how to fix the problem. What is this thing called again? Whoa, you're James diamond from Big Time Rush. I'm your biggest fan. [Laughs] I don't think so. Many of my fans are well over five feet. Can I have your autograph? Would you like futuristic postman, or overeager haberdasher? Actually, I was just wondering if you could sign this? Anything for my biggest fan. [Clears throat] James, can you please tell me how you got to be so awesome? Well, I was told not to give fans advice. But I like your style. Awesomeness is 15% tan, and 50% imported hair care products. That's 125%. You bet it is. I would love to be just like you. What do you say you go get us some low fat soy shakes, and I give you more tips on being awesome? You got it, Mr. diamond. Be careful of fans. It comes from the word "fanatic," as in, "nut job. " I get what you're saying. You have a huge crush on me, and you're jealous of my new biggest fan. I don't have a crush on you. I'm just saying that you're 30% ignorant, and 40% idiot. So be careful of fans. She so has a giant crush on me. Okay, so Jenny's dream is to become a lead singer of a band. And L. A. is full of bands looking for lead singers. Yeah, there's just one problem. She can't sing! Do you remember freshmen choir? and birds will fly! ♪ right, so just need to find a band who's looking for a horrible singer, who may have been sent from Voltraz to destroy the earth. [Crash!] Whoa! That always happens when I make toast. Can I make you some? - We're good. - We're fine. It's so exciting being in L. A. And being neighbors. Aw. Oh, and now we have connecting rooms! [Sighs] She's gonna kill us! Not if we kill her first. Nobody is killing anyone. We can do this. We never break a promise. So stop promising stuff! Get rid of it. Your friend has been here for two hours, and so far has trashed an elevator, broken a water main, ruined my favorite pen, and started two fires. What? [Sirens blaring] Make that three fires. What? [Sirens wailing] Awesomeness takes perspiration and inspiration, which is why I always work out In front of my heroes. I couldn't agree more. Whew! All right, now it's off to the salon to get my number one fan his own personal hair care system. Wow! My own system! I'm telling you, there's something not right in that kid's head. Trust me. I have an eye for these things. Oh, yeah? What do you see about me? Besides great muscle tone. You're too trusting, and if you're not careful, the next thing you know, super fan is smacking you upside the head with a frying pan and stealing your identity. Or, your crush has gotten bigger on me, and now you're following me. I don't have a crush on you! Katie, your words do say "no," but your eyes say Flaven! Why do I have to go in the ducts? Because you fit! Now disconnect the bobbin from the stator In English! I can't read manuals! Just hit it with the wrench a few times. [Metallic clanging] [Explosion, screaming] Whoa! Oh. Well, the whistle's gone! But now my studio is a wind tunnel! [Wind roaring] No, no, no. Don't worry. We know someone that can read manuals and fix stuff and is really, really smart. [Wind roaring] - Call Logan. - Got it. So you guys wanted to talk to me about my dreams? [Phone beeping] Yes! Gustavo needs me. I got to go. Bye, Jenny! Good luck. Jenny, sometimes dreams change. We wanted to be professional hockey players, and now we're singers. You want to be a singer, but maybe you should be one of those people who blows up buildings when they need to make new ones. But, guys, I'm a much better singer now. I've been taking lessons. Want to hear? Uh, sure. Just give us one second. Together: Go ahead. whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪ I'm gonna shine for you ♪ ah, ooh, ooh ♪ you're amazing! Told you we'd make you a star! - Yes! - Yeah! Easy, Jenny! [Screaming] [All coughing] Sorry. [Groans] We can fix that. Come on. [Screaming] Okay, let's look at the Palmwoods' message board to find you a band. Guitarist looking for female vocalist to accompany him on Canadian tour. I've always wanted to go to Canada! And we've always wanted you to go to Canada. Call. Hello, I'm calling about your ad for a female vocalist. You don't sound female, dude. Guitar dude? I've been saving up for this van for, like, three years and I can finally go on tour! Will you come see us in concert? We promise. We'll try. I'm a singer! Canada, here we come! No, no, don't touch that! [Brakes squeal] [Crashing] Together: So close. Oh, Logan! Great, you're here. Yeah, am I singing a new song? Close. Whoa. Oy! Are you the fan fix-it bloke? Yep. [Groovy music] Comb! Spray! Mirror! Not frying pan, dude. Mirror. [Clang!] [Screaming] I cannot believe that we forgot about the hole. That is it! Either she's out today, on you're out. Well, you can't kick us out, because we have the lease thing stuff. Yeah. Well, I've hired a lawyer to break your lease and thug to throw you out! Ironically, the huge guy is the lawyer. [Both shout] We promised we would help make her a singer. Break your promise. Or So, guys, what's next? Uh, Jenny. We, um. Kendell? Uh, Jenny There's really not much else we can do to help you. Together: We're really sorry. Oh. I understand. But you were so great trying to help out a friend who should probably to back to Minnesota. Why do I feel like I've been slammed into the boards 19 times? 'Cause when you break a promise, you can also break a heart. Oooh, bumming, sadness. Talk to me. I promised a friend that we'd help her become a singer, which I will never do again. And she's really accident prone, she almost killed us, and we really just want to find her a singing job. Preferably on another continent. Oh, well have you tried calling any international agents? Together: International wha? Yeah, there's a huge demand for American talent all over the world. [Operatic singing] [Joyful gasping] We're an entertaining people. You get the agent cards. I'll get Jenny. Move! [Panting] [Screaming] You are not gonna get away with this! And what is it that you're trying to get away with? I'm gonna take your place in Big Time Rush. We tour the world, and I go solo, start a movie career, marry a super hot model, buy a yacht and call it the s. S. Awesome. That's my plan! Wait, they're gonna ask what happened to me. Ha! Not after they read this letter you signed which says you're off to Antarctica to save the caribou. I'm three feet taller than you! I'm gonna wear a lot of socks. Darn, I taught you well. I wanna be famous ♪ hey, get back here! I wanna be the ♪ they haven't invented a dog cage that can hold James diamond! Ooh, biscuits. Hello, Jenny Tinkler. Have a good night. Hi, thank you so much for coming this evening. Jenny Tinkler. Enjoy the show. Okay, so since you're a bit accident prone, and we'd putting L. A. in danger by taking you to see the international agents We're bringing the international agents to you. And you're sure this bubble wrap look is the hottest thing in Europe? Together: Yes. Remember, do it just like we rehearsed. Right! Just sing, and don't touch a thing. Break a leg. No, don't break a leg. Don't break anything. [Both muttering] [Off-tune chord] And finally, an explosion at the famous Palmwoods has hospitalized Hollywood's top international agents. This news has sent global stock markets plummeting on fears of a shortage of American night club talent overseas, since we are such an entertaining people. Where's James? You're looking at him. And I know you like what you see. I meant the real James. This is prime sun tanning time, and James should be in his favorite chair destroying skin cells. It's all in this letter James signed which says he's going to Antarctica to save the caribou. First off, there are no caribou in Antarctica. And, second, tell me where James is, you little freak. I'm James now. Get used to it, 'cause there's nothin' you can do about it. Ow, ow, ow! He's in the basement. He's in the basement, he's in the basement! Thank you, Katie. Oh, thank you so much. He was so tiny and evil! And if there anything I can do for you, let me know. Actually Can I have your autograph? [Chuckles] Anything for my biggest fan. Great! You just agreed to let me be your manager when you go solo, endorse a line of hair care products to be developed later, and swear that I don't, nor have I ever, had a crush on you. I've got to stop signing autographs. Ah, no! Whoa, whoa! You are now officially thrown out of the Palmwoods. I never want to see her here again. Have a Palmwoods day! No, no, no. My dreams are crushed, so now I'll sleep on the streets. Welcome to Hollywood. Nobody is sleeping on the streets tonight. You can crash at Rocque records. By "crash," he means "sleep. " Is that a dog biscuit? You know, it's really quite tasty. Is that bacon and cheese? [Wind roaring] All right, I've boosted the power off the main grid, which should create a reverse thrust from the building's primary fan, which will then Just push the button! Okay. [Electronic noises] It's a little bit sensitive. That's it! Now it's time to fix that fan death smash style! Whoa, what's going on? What's going on? [Wind howling] Shut it off! Shut it off! Shut it off! [Screaming] I'm going to destroy you! [All screaming] [Crashing] [Cat screeches] [Screaming] [Laughing] It worked! Yeah, all right! We did it, we did it, we did it! Together: Oy! [All groan] All: Please kill us gently. Eh, we hated Johnny. He made me smash guitars. [American accent] He made me speak with a British accent. But without him I guess we'll have to cancel the European tour. Unless an amazing lead singer who's super destructive just falls from the sky. [Crashing] Sorry. Jenny, are you okay? Is she okay? She's amazing! All: Quick, Jenny, sing! I've been falling through the roof ♪ I just fell down from the roof ♪ whoa! ♪ you know, she can help us get that younger audience we're looking for. Together: Welcome to death smash! [All cheering] - No, Jenny! - Hey, hey, hey! Come on, Jenny, let's go get permission from your mum. [Laughing] Well, it looks like this story is wrapping up quite nicely. And I will never, ever over promise again. I promise. [Sad tuba playing] All: Buddy Simmons? Hey, guys! Carlos promised me he'd help with my dream of becoming a famous jazz tuba player. He said he was our biggest fan. [Playing uh-oh! On tuba] Synch by Benfo.