The Fast and the Phineas

Scene opens up with camera zooming into the backyard.

Phineas: So Ferb, what should we do today? I mean, besides giving Perry a bath.

[Both sniff, Perry chatters, race car sound]

What is that wonderful noise? Awesome! Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!

Candace: Oh, I have got to take a new picture of myself for my blog. I didn't realize mine is already a week old.

[Snapshot] That's better.

What are you doing to Mom's car?!

Phineas: We tricked it out!

Candace: You don't even know how to drive.

Phineas: Well, duh. That's why Ferb built this remote.

Candace: Oh, you are so busted. Mom! Mom! Mom! Um, where's Mom?

Phineas: She's playing bridge at Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro's.

Ferb: [Slams hood]

Candace: They won't get away with it this time!

[Rings doorbell]

Vivian: Oh Candace, dear. Bubela, how good to see you. What a coincidence. Do you know your mom is here?

Candace: Mmm mmm. Yeah, I do, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro. I need to talk to her if you don't mind.

Vivian: Oy Vey. Look how tall you are now. You must've grown a couple of inches since the last time I've saw you. Candace: That was last week, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro.

Vivian: Well your mom's inside, dear. Where are your braces? I thought you were wearing braces.

Candace: Yeah. MOM! MOM! MOM!

Linda: What is it, Candace?

Candace: You have got to see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!

[Car zooming]

Phineas: Hey, Ferb. What's the red button for?

[Car zooming, Pushes button]

Candace: MOM!

[Explosion!]

Linda: What is it? What do you want me to see?

Candace: Look Quick!

Phineas: Hi Mom!

Linda: Hi, boys! [At Candace] Now, if that's all, I'll just be getting back to the game.

[Whistling, thud]

Phineas: Good thing we've beefed up the suspension.

[Car revving]

Woah! What else can it do?

Isabella: Hi Phineas.

Phineas: Oh, hi, Isabella.

Isabella: Whatcha doin'?

Phineas: We're entering The Swamp Oil 500 today.

Isabella: Aren't you gonna need a pit crew?

Phineas: Do you know a pit crew?

Isabella: Well, I know a few people who work well together.

Phineas: Great! Your hired! See you at the track! [At Ferb] Hey Ferb, where's Perry?

Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks. For reasons completely unknown, he's purchased a giant airship, or Blimp. As the kids say. Your mission is to find out why, and if necessary, put a stop to it.

Doo be doo be doo ba Doo be doo be doo ba

Perry!

Isabella: Hi Phineas. I got your pit crew.

Phineas: Cool! See ya in the pits!

Isabella: Okay, girls. We're dealing with a 426 cubic inch, fully-blown V8, with hypo lifters, radical cam and a limited slip differential.

Gretchen: Would that be electronically fuel-injected?

Candace: Phineas! Phineas! PHINEAS!

Man: Hey! I can't hear the cars!

Jeremy: Hey, Candace! I didn't know you were a racing fan!

Candace: Jeremy. [Slaps] Who, me? Oh, yeah! Yeah, I'm a big fan of those, uh, uh, that red one's cute!

Jeremy: Oh, that's Billy Ray Digler's car. He's great.

Candace: Yeah. He's the best. That Billy Roy.

Jeremy: Billy Ray.

Candace: Billy Ray. I-I love it when he turns left and then... he turns... left again, and then-

Dave: And in the 3rd lane, the newcomers Team Phineas! Now is it just me, or does he look a little young to be behind the wheel of a 700 horse power racing machine?

Rick: Yes, yes he does!

Dave: And look! He's already got his own screaming fans!

Candace: [On screen] PHINEAS!

Phineas: Hey, Candace is rooting for us!

Jeremy: Candace, you're on the big screen!

Candace: [On screen, slow mo] PHINEAS!

Jeremy: Your little brother's gonna be on TV!

Candace: Phineas? On TV? TV! That's it! They are so busted. Can you wait here for a second? Thanks.

Linda: What is it, Candace? I'm right in the middle of a Three-No trump.

Candace: Turn on the TV!

Linda: All right. All right, Candace. This better be good.

[TV static]

Candace: Well? Well? Do you see it?

Linda: Just a second, honey.

Vivian: Turn on the cable box first.

Linda: Hmm. All right. [CD ejects] Wait... 'kay, that's not it. Um, is it this one? No, this is another phone. -Summer only last-

Oh! I turned on the stereo!

Candace: Mom, hurry up!

Linda: Okay! Just a second!

TV Narrator: Are you embarrassed about flaking? Itching? Peeling?

Linda: Candace, This is a dandruff commercial. Is there something you're trying to tell me?

Phineas: Okay, Ferb. Are we good to go?

Ferb: [Ding]

Rick: And with the race about to start, there's the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated blimp!

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus! I'm glad you're here. Actually, I was just getting ready to serve some PLATYPUS UNDER GLASS! You're just in time to witness my latest invention! My Deflate-Inator Ray! Which I will demonstrate by deflating the tires of the Jefferson Motor County Speedway! After which, I will deflate everything in the Tri-State Area! That way, if anyone want's anything flatted, they will have to talk to me.

Candace: Phineas, you are in big trouble, Mister-! [Cars zooming]

Jeremy: Candace, you got a little-

Photographer: [Snapshot] Smile! Souvenir picture, only a dollar.

Candace: AAH! Wait a second. [Grabs camera]

Photographer: HEY!

Candace: [Snapshot] Now I gotcha!

Photographer: [Snatches picture] Hey, Missy. Two pictures, two bucks.

Candace: Oh, yeah, uh, I've only got a dollar, but uh, I just want the one. You can just tear the other one up, 'kay? Photographer: [Rips picture]

Candace: I've got 'em now! [Laughing]

Rick: And on the fast on the inside lane is Number 42, Team Phineas!

Phineas: Hey, Ferb. Do you think we can get any more power? I mean, I know it's just a battery. But I was thinking: Let's open it up and see what this puppy can- [Classic car honking] Uh, Ferb? We're actually slowing down now. Ferb? Hello? [Car speeds up] OH YEAH! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

[Telephone rings]

Isabella: Hey, Ferb. We should bring Phineas in for a pit stop. All right, Fireside Girls, let's move, move move!

[Equipment whirring]

That helmet looks so manly.

Phineas: Thanks.

Isabella: Hit it, Ferb. [Tires screeching]

I'm so proud of you girls. And the bow was a nice touch, Gretchen.

[Engine whirring]

Doofenshmirtz: [Laughing] Listen to those fools, as they worship their candy-colored race car man. How about a little demonstration of my deflationary prowess? [Fires laser]

Man #2: I got it! [Ball hissing, tires screeching]

Race Car Driver: AAH! [Tires screeching, rams a sign]

(Song: Go, Go, Phineas)

[Crash]

Rick: The Team Phineas car is avoiding every obstacle! It's like he can see the whole darn track at once!

[Guitar solo]

Isabella/Fireside Girls: Go Phineas, Go, go Phineas! (X2)

Phineas: OH YEAH!

Isabella/Fireside Girls: Go Phineas, Go, go Phineas! (X2)

Racers: We're okay! [Car zooms by]

Candace: Well Mom, What do you think of this?

Linda: You've looked better.

Candace: What? What do you mean-

[Horror music] AAH!

Doofenshmirtz: Already the fear me, listen to their screams, huh? Imagine the mayhem once my Deflate-Inator ray is fully charged. Run! Run like the wind, my little indentured rodent, and I will give you some cheese! Heh, I know I had some around here somewhere.

Perry: [Pulls out briefcase filled with cheeses; Grabs stinky cheese and loads it in crossbow]

Doofenshmirtz: I think there's some- There used to be some Roquefort around the back here. I don't...

Perry: [Fires crossbow]

[Mouse squeaking]

Doofenshmirtz: Hmm? AIEE! [Screaming] AIEE! [Glass breaks] Agh! Oof! [Laser fires, Blimp deflating] Hmm. I suppose I should have seen that coming.

Candace: But Mom, you've got to believe me! Wait a minute! I bet it's still on TV!

Linda: That's good, Candace. Go watch a little TV.

Dave: And look at this amazing finish!

Candace: [Stammering] Mom! Come quick! Come look-look-look-look-look!

Linda: All right, I'm coming. [Candace giggling]

Dave: Oh no! A blimp is about to hit the broadcasting tower! Oh, the hu- [TV Static]

Linda: Uh huh.

Candace: Meep.

Linda: Deal me back in, Viv.

[Tires squealing, car zooms off]

Phineas: Hmm. Looks like we're walking.

Doofenshmirtz: AAH!

Candace: [Mimicking Linda] "Why don't you go back home, Candace?" "I'm busy with my bridge game, Candace?" She has no idea!

[Crickets chirping]

[Gasps]

Gotcha!

[Perry and Doofenshmirtz fighting]

Doofenshmirtz: AHH-AHH-AHH-AHH-AHH! AAH!

[Beeping]

[EXPLOSION!]

Candace: MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM!

Vivian: Oh, Candace, Hello! I can't believe you grown so much, it's unbelievable!

Candace: MOM! Mom, you've gotta see this! It's about your car!

Linda: All right.

Candace: Come on, Come on, Come on!

Linda: Candace, you're wearing out the heels of my shoes.

Candace: See Mom? Look, look! I told you?

Linda: [Gasps] But... who did this?

Candace: Phineas and Ferb.

Linda: You mean... they...

Candace: Yeah, yeah, yeah! [Laughing]

Linda: They washed my car?

Candace: YES! No, what?

[Perry chatters]

Linda: It's beautiful! I gotta admit, I thought you we're exaggerating a bit, but this is really worth getting excited about!

Phineas: Hi, Mom! We're home!

Linda: Hey, Boys! I saw what you did today!

Phineas: Yeah? How'd you like it?

Linda: I love it! Now who wants some snacks?

Phineas: Thanks, Mom!

Linda: Honey, close your mouth.

Credits roll

(Song: Go, Go, Phineas)

[Guitar solo]

Isabella/Fireside Girls: Go Phineas, Go, go Phineas! (X2)

Phineas: OH YEAH!

Isabella/Fireside Girls: Go Phineas, Go, go Phineas!