Swiss Family Phineas

Phineas: Alright, crew, prepare to set sail for the hunt of a lifetime! Ensign Isabella, raise the jib!

Isabella: Aye, aye, captain Phineas.

Phineas: Ahoy, Ferb! Any sign of the great white whale?

Candace: You guys better not be talking about me!

Linda: Boys, can't you wait until we get the boat in the water?

Lawrence: Well, it's not actually called a boat, darling, it's called a sloop. When we're on sea there's no right or left, only port and starboard.

Isabella: So... which side has the restroom?

Lawrence: It's not a restroom, it's-

Phineas: It's called the poopdeck.

Lawrence: Well no, actually, it's called the head.

Phineas: Really? Cause poopdeck makes much more sense.

Candace: Dad, can we just get this over with? Jeremy's throwing a romantic summer soiree at sunset tonight. I'm kind of on a deadline here.

Lawrence: Oh, don't worry, darling, it's only gonna be a three hour tour.

Candace: A three hour tour?

Linda: You can use the time to soak up some vitamin D.

Candace: Fine!

Lawrence: Candace distracted - check! Kids with the lifejackets!

Phineas: Check!

Lawrence: Excellent! Family pet. Say, where's Perry?

Phineas: Oh, Perry stayed home. Baljeet's watching him.

(Scene switches at front of the Flynn-Fletcher house. Baljeet's watching Perry in the front yard.)

Buford: Hey Baljeet, what'cha doin'?

Baljeet: I am watching Perry the Platypus. I promised to not take my eyes out off him all day.

Buford: Well, this is lame.

Baljeet: He's a platypus, they do not do much.

Buford: Maybe he needs some motivation. (Swings a baseball bat)

Baljeet: No, no please! I have given them my solemn oath to protect the little monotreme until the Flynn family comes home.

(Perry's wristwatch communicator starts beeping)

Baljeet: What is that weird noise?

Buford: I don't know, maybe a car alarm? (Perry stands up and puts the wristwatch communicator into his mouth)

Baljeet: Wait, I think it stopped. (The wristwatch communicator is still beeping inside of Perry. Baljeet and Buford look at him)

(Scene switches to Flynn-Fletcher's boat)

Isabella: Hey Phineas, what'cha doin'?

Phineas: My king-of-the-world bit. Hey, check that out!

(Two dolphins jump, and it jumps again with Ferb, and jump again)

Phineas: And look at those cool flags.

Isabella: According to my Fireside Girls manual each one of those flags has meaning. The blue flag means crab season and the yellow flag means hold the mustard, and that one, I'm not sure what that one means.

Candace: Okay, who turned off the sun?

Isabella: Oh, here it is. The red flag with the black box means...storm warning!!

Lawrence: You kids get below! I'll head us back to shore! Wooah!

Linda: Lawrence, we're heading towards that whirlpool.

Lawrence: Keep faith in me, my darling! I have everything under control!!!

Major Monogram: (on Perry's wristwatch communicator) Agent P, come in! Agent P? Blast it, Carl, why doesn't he answer?

Buford: I think it's comin' from his stomach. (He picks up Perry, and put onto his shoulder)

Baljeet: He must be hungry. I will get him something to eat.

Buford: Don't worry, little ducky thing, we're gonna take good care of you.

(Perry then sticks his tongue out with the wristwatch communicator on it)

Major Monogram: Is everything all right, Agent P? I'm sensing you're in a bit of a jam. Can you get us a better view of the situation?

Buford: I'm gonna hug you and squeeze you and never let you go.

Major Monogram: Looks like we picked a bad day to send all of our field agents to sensitivity training. We're all out of options. (gasps) I was hoping this day would never come, but, Carl, this is your big chance!

(Carl gets raised up on a chair as Monogram salutes him.)

(Song: "Carl, the Intern")

Carl!

He works a camera!

Carl!

He knows what all those buttons do!

Carl!

He'll clear the paper jam!

Carl!

And he'll pick up the laundry, too.

He knows how to format, spell check and text edit.

He's workin' this job just for college credit!

He's Carl, the intern!

Carl!

(A record scratch is heard and ice cream truck music is heard, as Carl is now seen driving an ice cream truck.)

(Cut to Lawrence and Linda in the rain.)

Linda: Ugh, I think it's finally clearing up.

Lawrence: Well, the ship held together pretty good, didn't it? (Cut to reveal Lawrence is holding the wheel surrounded by debris from the wreckage.) Of course, we'll have to re-attach the wheel (Cut to reveal the sloop on a rock.) and fix that, uh, giant hole. Now, kids, are you all right?

Phineas: We're fine!

Isabella: Hey, where's Ferb?

Phineas: Are you okay?

(Phineas sees what looks like Ferb's legs. He lifts them up to reveal they are only his pants. Ferb, covering his birthday suit with a giant leaf, walks over to get them.)

Phineas: Oh, there you are. And there's Candace!

(Cut to reveal Candace with a giant barrel on her head. She pulls it off to reveal a squid on her face.)

Candace: Hey, what gives?! (She pulls the squid off to reveal a fish in her mouth and lobsters on her ears. She pulls the lobsters off and spits out the fish.)

Lawrence: (inspecting the hole) Whoa, this doesn't look too good at all. Kids, don't come up here! It's far too dangerous! Mum and I will fix the boat. Candace, why don't you look for some food? And, boys, you could find us some shelter if you like. We may be here for a while.

Candace: A while?!!? You mean we're stranded?!? That means I won't get to Jeremy's party before the sun sets!!! We'll be stuck here forever eating rocks and bugs, then I'll have to marry a monkey and have monkey kids and name them Xavier and Amanda!!! (sobs)

Lawrence: And we'll love them anyway. Candace, the sooner we get started, the sooner we all get to go home.

Candace: Fine.

Lawrence: Stay safe, everyone! (Linda waves)

Phineas: Shelter....shelter.... Well, this spot has potential.

Isabella: Great, let's get started!

(Song: "Quirky Worky Song" (Tropical Island Version))

Montage: The gang map out the shelter and get started working on it.

(Cut to Carl in the ice cream truck.)

Major Monogram: (on monitor in truck) Remember, Carl, nothing distracts kids like ice cream. You need to get rid of those two boys so Agent P can proceed with his mission.

Carl: (salutes) Aye aye, sir!

Major Monogram: Both hands on the wheel, Carl!

Carl: Sorry, sir.

(Cut to Perry.)

Baljeet: Oh, Perry, I could not find the platypus food.

(The ice cream truck music is heard in the distance.)

Buford: Oh, boy!

Baljeet and Buford: (running off) Ice cream! Ice cream!

(Perry puts on his fedora. But then puts it in his mouth when Baljeet returns.)

Baljeet: Oh, I almost forgot Perry. Come along. Let us get you a little treat. (Baljeet grabs Perry, who holds onto the grass.)

Buford: Gimme a double caramel fudge.

Carl: Here you go.

Buford: Ugh! Hey, this is butterscotch ripple! (A small door slides up on the truck with a lit arrow. Perry spits out his fedora, puts it on and zips into it.) Is this your first day on the job or somethin'?!

(The truck speeds out.)

Buford: Hey, he didn't charge me! Rookie mistake.

Baljeet: I did not even get to—Wait?! Where is Perry?

(Cut back to the truck.)

Carl: Glad to have you back, Agent P. You lost some time, but I brought along the escape cone.

(Cut to the roof of the truck. The strawberry ice cream on top launches revealing a cone under it with Agent P riding it. When it becomes airborne, wings pop out of it. A monitor appears on the cherry.)

Major Monogram: (on monitor) Agent P, we've just received reports that Doofenshmirtz has been buying up all the laundry detergent in the Tri-State Area. We want you to find out what he's up to and put a stop to it. You'll need to use your tracking device to find him before your delicious ice cream cone melts. (Perry salutes. An island appears on the screen. Perry lands on the island.)

(Cut to Candace wandering around.)

Candace: (imitating her father) "Oh, Candace, go find us some food." Yeah, like a quart of ice cream is just gonna fall out of the— (The strawberry ice cream from the escape cone lands on her head.)

(Cut to Perry. The cone backfires and Perry falls down. A parachute comes out of the cherry. He lands into a volcano to see Doofenshmirtz surrounded by lots of dirty clothes.)

Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, where is Perry the Platypus? He should have been here hours ago. (Perry approaches him) Ah, Perry the Platypus. Well, y'know, I had a trap for you, but no time. (Grabs him and runs off) This one's a little complicated, okay? (He puts Perry in a chair in front of a screen.) You remember a few schemes ago when I couldn't figure out what "Big Laundry" meant? (A slide of Doofenshmirtz from "The Lake Nose Monster" appears on the screen.) Well, this! (Another slide appears) This is what I meant! I am nefariously planning to provide the entire population of the Tri-State Area with free laundry, (change slide) which will drive out of business all of the local laundromats, (change slide) freeing up prime real estate locations (change slide) for my newest franchise: the Doofenshmirtz Institute of Evilology, where in only six weeks, students can earn a certificate in mayhem, larceny, or Ponzi schemes. (end slideshow) And I'm here in this volcano on this deserted island 'cause I get all this free monkey labor. (Whip pan to reveal a bunch of monkeys turning a wheel around.) I control them all with my Monkey-Enslave-inator helmet. And all I had to do was build one of them, because, you know, monkey see, monkey do. Hey hey! (to a monkey) Yeah, you can't put the red clothes in with the white wash! You'll turn the whole batch into a big pink mess! (points to another area) Bright colors over there, you incompetent baboon! Literally. Okay, now what was I talking about? (Perry wheels the basket into Doofenshmirtz.)

(Cut to the streets of Danville, where lots of "Lost Perry" fliers appear all over.)

Baljeet: Perry! Where are you?! Oh, it is no use. I fear he is gone for good.

Buford: Why don't you just buy him a new one? They won't know the difference.

Baljeet: You cannot just buy a—Wait. That gives me an idea!

(Cut to Candace collecting coconuts.)

Candace: We don't need to eat. We need to get out of here! (tries to get a coconut off a tree) I swear, if I don't get to Jeremy's party— (A monkey appears from behind the bushes and kisses her) Yuck! Monkey cooties!

(The monkey grabs Candace and leads her up a ladder of monkeys and flings her into a hut.)

Phineas: So, what do you think of our shelter?

Candace: (dusts herself off and shouts in her brother's face) CAN'T YOU JUST BE NORMAL FOR ONE DAY?!? All you had to do was make a little lean-to for survival.

Phineas: Well, there's survival and then there's living. (Zoom out to reveal the entirety of the shelter. Phineas pushes Candace inside.) Let us give ya a quick tour. We've got everything we need to make our maritime mishap as enjoyable as possible. Here's our warm and cozy family room, a fully-stocked kitchen. We even have indoor plumbing.

(Cut to Ferb doing something familiar.)

Candace: You're giving a monkey a shower?

Ferb: Yep, had to be done.

Candace: Grrrr! Don't you realize I have a very important party to go to?! If you're going to all this trouble, you could have built us a bridge back to town! Phineas: But Dad didn't ask us to build a bridge.

Candace: Or you could have built us a coconut-powered hovercraft!

Phineas: But Dad didn't ask us to build—

Candace: Or-Or you could have made a gigantic slingshot and shot us back to the mainland!

Phineas: Hey, not bad. (Ferb makes a note of it) Mind if we use that someday?

Candace: (leaves) Oooh, you two are gonna be so busted!

Phineas: Oh, wait. No, Candace! Not that way! That's the— (Candace opens a door that leads to nothing and falls) emergency exit.

(Cut to Candace landing in the mud.)

Phineas: I was trying to tell you, it's not done yet. There's gonna be this whole slide thing that dumps you into the hot tub! We're waiting on some parts!

(Cut to the volcano)

Doofenshmirtz: No, no, Perry the Platypus! (Cut to reveal Perry raveling up a towel.) You put that down right— (He smacks him with it) Ow! Ow, that smarts! (Doofenshmirtz throws his shoe at Perry. Perry jumps as the shoe misses and hits the Monkey Enslave-inator off of the monkey. The monkeys all look angrily at Doofenshmirtz.)

(Cut back to the shelter.)

Phineas: So, Candace, do you want a banana smoothie?

Candace: I got you guys this time! There's no way you could dismantle your stupid tropical dream house before I drag Mom back here to bust you! (Candace walks out.)

Phineas: So... no smoothie then?

(Cut back to the volcano. Perry zips across the clothesline on a hanger, somehow getting into long johns and a tux along the way. He kicks Doofenshmirtz into the wheel.)

Doofenshmirtz: Ow! Ow! Oh! (Doofenshmirtz comes out of the laundry basket dressed as a bride to Perry's groom. Perry lets him have it, but then jumps away.) That's right, run away, Perry the Pla—AAAAAAHHH!! (Doofenshmirtz falls into the giant washing machine. A bunch of monkeys on one side drop clothes into the machine.) Nice try, Perry the Plat— (Another group of monkeys drop in detergent.) Wai-wai-wait, what are you doing? Don't throw the bright colors in with the—Hey that's too much soap! (bulbs as the monkeys push the start button) Curse you, Perry the Pla—I told you no starch!

(The machine begins to bubble up. The monkeys scamper away. Perry jumps onto an ironing board, which folds when surrounded by the bubbles as Perry surfs the bubbles. The monkeys climb their way out. The volcano explodes with the pink bubbles.)

Isabella: Volcano!! (slides down a palm tree) We need to move now! (She grabs Phineas and Ferb as the bubbles take the shelter away with it.)

(Cut to Candace.)

Candace: Wait until Mom and Dad find out!

Phineas: Run, Candace! Pink lava behind you!

Candace: Pink lava?

(Candace screams and runs away as the "pink lava" chases after them, while Perry still surfs on it. Cut to Lawrence repairing the sloop.)

Lawrence: Well, that's it.

Linda: Great job fixing the ship, honey. (Cut to reveal the sloop is still on the rock.) But how are we going to get it back in the water?

Lawrence: Oh, yes, well, um...

Candace: Mom, Dad, we gotta get outta here!

Lawrence: Woo! Hurry up, kids! Women and children first!

(Isabella, Phineas, Ferb, Candace and Linda walk up the ladder into the ship followed by Lawrence. The pink lava pushes the ship off the rock and back into shore.)

Lawrence: Kids, we're headed home!

Linda: You were magnificent, captain!

(Wide shot to reveal Perry water skiing on the ship.)

Candace: (offscreen) Can't we go any faster! Come on, steer this thing! Go go go go go!

(Cut to the Flynn-Fletcher house where Buford and Baljeet are looking at something.)

Baljeet: Oh, Buford. (Buford gives Baljeet a tennis ball and a black marker.) Perhaps this will buy us a little time. Frozen waffle, please. (Buford gives him a frozen waffle with a bite mark out of it.) Ugh.

Buford: Sorry. Got hungry.

Baljeet: Ugh. Maybe they will not know the difference.

(Cut to reveal a hastily made platypus with a pool 2-ball and the tennis ball for eyes, a baseball cap for the head and bill, a sack of flour for the body, and the frozen waffle for the tail.)

Buford: I think it's pretty convincing.

Baljeet: Oh, who am I kidding?! We will have to tell them the truth!

Buford: (runs off) You're on your own, Jeet! I'm outta here!

(Car horn honks.)

Phineas: (offscreen) Hey, Baljeet, we're home!

(Cut to the car with the sloop attached to it. As soon as it stops, Candace bullets her way out.)

Candace: Hold on, Jeremy! I'm coming!

Baljeet: Oh, my friends! (sobs) I hope you can forgive me!

Phineas: Hey, Baljeet, wait till you hear what we did today.

Baljeet: But I have something to tell you first!

Phineas: What is it?

Baljeet: It is—

(Perry walks in and chatters.)

Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry! Aw, and look at that! (Perry approaches the fake platypus) Baljeet made Perry a little friend. Thanks, Baljeet. I knew we could count on you. (Baljeet faints.)

(Perry looks at his "new friend" and growls angrily.)

End Credits
Carl!

He works a camera!

Carl!

He knows what all those buttons do!

Carl!

He'll clear the paper jam!

Carl!

And he'll pick up the laundry, too.

He knows how to format, spell check and text edit.

He's workin' this job just for college credit!

He's Carl, the intern!

Carl!