A Grouchy Start

(We start in front of the famous 123 Sesame Street building; Oscar comes out of his trash can while pushing a garbage bag out and and a red anything Muppet [known as Ricky Recycle-Bin] pops out of a recycling bin next to him.)

Ricky: Well, howdy, new friend. I'm Ricky Recycle-Bin.

Oscar: [interrupting] Recycle my asshole!

Ricky: If it would help save the planet, you bet I would!

(A passing man drops an orange juice container into Ricky's bin.)

Ricky: Excuse me, sir, but no bottle caps. [no response] Eh, no big deal. Recycling is good for the environment.

(A couple that walk by put an empty milk container into Ricky's bin.)

Ricky: Oh, thanks, guys! Uh-ah, but this is PVC plastic type three. I only accept types one and two.

(The couple look at each other, and push Ricky's bin over with a big crashing sound. A blackboard that reads: "TWO WEEKS LATER" briefly appears; then we cut to Ricky angry with a man that is trying to throw out a pizza box.)

Ricky: For the last time, no dirty pizza boxes or polyethylene-coated coffee cups!

Man: [interrupting] I'm trying, okay?! You don't have to be a dick about it! [storms off]

Ricky: I'm being a dick about it for the children!

(He throws pizza pox at the man off screen; a second later, a girl and her mother try to throw out a cardboard box into the recycling bin.)

Ricky: Hey, dips**t- what part of "cut up cardboard boxes into two foot by two foot squares, bundle them with twine, and leave them out on the third Tuesday of every other month only" [yelling] DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!

(His strong feeling scares the two into running away, and he slumps back into his bin, exasperated.)

Ricky: Sheesh; now I understand why you're so grouchy.

Oscar: Do you?

(The screen distorts to a flashback with Oscar and his older brother, who is just about to leave home.)

Oscar's Brother: I love you, little brother, but now it's time for me to seek my fortune out in the world. Give Mom a kiss for me, will you?

(A garbage man picks up Oscar's brother's can.)

Oscar's Brother: Hey, thanks for the ride. I'm going to- [gets thrown out of his can into the back of a garbage truck as Oscar watches in terror] Hey, what are you doing?!

(The truck's back panel comes down on top of him, crushing him to death.)

Oscar: Nooooo!

(The screen distorts back to the present.)

Oscar: You don't know me at all, man. You don't know anything about me!

(We end with static as always.)