Premiere-a-Rooney

Ha-ha! Good morning, Stevens Point! I'm your old pal Johnny Nimbus, coming at you live from the site of the cheddar-brat fest, where pride and pork come together to celebrate all things Wisconsin. Cheddar-brat fest, whoo! Oh, hey! That is no ordinary sausage enthusiast. That is the now-injured captain of the lady porcupines basketball team, Maddie Rooney. Hey, Maddie, how do you feel about the brat fest being moved to your school? Uh, well, Johnny, I think Clancy's dairy farm was a great place, but then that, um Cow got struck by lightening, which was unfortunate. - Smelled like steak, though. - Mmm! Tragic, but delicious! Hey, and also with me are the current reigning cheese roll champs, Pete and Karen Rooney. Look at that. Hey, Pete, tell the folks at home how you're feeling. Cheese. Fantastic! Hey, how about we show everybody how this crazy cheese roll thing is gonna work tomorrow, huh? Now the cheese roll is all about teamwork. Now the roller can't see the target, so they rely on the spotter to help them aim. Okay, turn a little to the right. Down and roll. Yes! Good job! Are you signing for packages? Because we just delivered the boom! Oh, that is why they are four-time champs. Hey, little brat fest fun fact: Nobody's ever won this five years in a row. And no one ever will! Cheddar-brat fest is brat-solutely the thing that I miss most about Wisconsin when I was off in Hollywood. Maddie and I won the cheese roll at age It still fits. Liv has the freakish ability to roll a wheel of cheese with pinpoint accuracy. Takes after her father. Oh! Don't make me blush. Ah, she was "bull's-eye" Rooney long before she was Tristan lycanth of the upcoming blockbuster "space werewolves. " Ha-ha! I'm very excited, Johnny. The red carpet premiere is next weekend. Oh, that's right. And that's taking place out there in Hollywood. Do you happen to have an extra ticket? Keep dreaming, Johnny. I will! So, Maddie, you sure about this partner of yours? 'Cause she seems to have the habit of not showing up for cheddar-brat fest. I'm just saying. Not trying to get into your head or anything. Not going to work, mom. The cheese roll is actually the first thing Liv and I ever won together, and, uh, now that she's home, the Rooney twins are rock-solid! We are rock-solid! Right, Liv? Absolutely, Maddie. Now way I'm missing the cheddar-brat fest this year. - I promise. - Okay. Hey, mom and dad. You feeling queasy? 'Cause it's about to get cheesy. One time! Ooh-ooh! There it is, partner. The golden bratwurst trophy, awarded to the winners of the slippery sausage toss. Make no mistake. She will be mine. How can you tell when a bratwurst is a lady? Ah, by the way she's checking me out. Hey, girl. In the slippery sausage toss, one teammate tosses a greasy sausage to the other one. If you drop one, you're out. It's a metaphor for life. Wanna see my mad skills? Brat me, bro. Bro, brat me. - All right. - Right here, bro. Right here. I got it. I got it. No, don't got it. Big surprise. You're horrible at catching. You've seen me throw, so that's out. Look, we have to win that trophy. I must get to my laboratory to build a device that gives you the power to catch. That sounds good, partner. Ah, and, uh You take care of yourself, little mama. Thanks, Joey. It's kind of hard to carry my books - and work these things. - Oh, no. Taking care of the family is what I do. And now that the ladies from sixth period have seen me be a gentleman for my sister, I'm done. Later, limpy. Thanks. Diggie, hey. How are you? I miss you. It's 40-below zero. It's like the air is trying to kill me. When Maddie was supposed to leave for the junior Olympics basketball team, I decided I didn't wanna be home when she wasn't. So I signed up to be a foreign exchange student. Which is like way romantic, except then, you know, I blew my knee out, so I couldn't go. So now I have a boyfriend who's 6,000 Miles away. What a jerk. Guess what happens when you're the last foreign exchange student to sign up. You get the country that nobody wants Tundrabania. Heard of the arctic circle? That's where Tundrabanian kids go on spring break to warm up. I really wish you were gonna be here for cheddar-brat fest. I do too. It's so cold. Say things that are warm. Aw, is that Diggie? Mrs. Rooney, hey! I heard you got promoted to vice-principal. Congratulations. Thanks. It's a big job. Yeah, she's in charge of things like, you know, enforcing the rules for example, no facegabbing in the halls. - Oh! - Confiscated. Mom! Okay, I know that you're trying to rattle me, but me and Liv are gonna take you down at the cheese roll. Bam! What?! Maybe I am. Why don't you go cry to your boyfriend in Tundrabania about it? Oh, wait, you can't. I got your phone. Heh. Would you mind helping me carry my books? Hello? Okay I got this. Mama's here! Mama's here! Ahem. This changes nothing. Are you making your own sausage? Cool. Oh, it's not just any sausage, all right? I'm putting pieces of metal into the links. Wanna know why? Don't need to. Sometimes you get a feeling that something special's about to happen. I figured out how to win the slippery sausage toss. "Brat bros. " Nice! Joey plus bling equals Holla! Think fast. I caught it! Witchcraft. The rings are magnets. The metal sausage will stick right to them. It's doof-proof. Isn't this cheating? Hey, the rulebook doesn't say you can't stuff the sausage with metal and wear electro-magnetic rings. I'm sold. Any chances of matching necklace and chalice? Ah, sorry. Some things I just like to keep for myself. Today is the cheddar-brat fest. I finally get to do the cheese roll with my sister again. I was actually so excited that I went to bed in my champion jacket last night. Parker, come on! You're gonna be late for cheddar-brat fest! You too, Liv and Maddie. Hate for you to miss the ride and have to forfeit the cheese roll. Start the car. Ah, nice try, mom. Maddie, come on! Oh, look. Somebody hung my "space werewolves" poster. Looks perfect. It's about time someone recognized my superior hanging abilities. - Oh, careful. - No no. - Liv. - Yeah. I am so proud of you. Next weekend, my little space werewolf is gonna be walking the red carpet at her movie premiere! Oh, thanks, dad. Aww. Using affection to neutralize competitive fire fierce power move. Not primetime's first rodeo. Ah, o-m-wowza! How great is this? Nothing can stop my triumphant return to the cheddar-brat fest. Yes. Major "space werewolves" problems! Ohh. Whitney, what are you doing in Stevens point? You're the producer. You're supposed to be in Hollywood getting ready for the premiere. Well, I hopped on the studio's private jet, and came straight here to give you some horrible news. "Lunar foxes" changed their premiere to the same day as ours! No! Those dirty Lunar Foxes. So the buzz on "space werewolves" is so huge that a rival studio made a copycat film called "Lunar Foxes. " Pathetic. It's like putting ketchup on a bagel and calling it pizza. Ugh. They're trying to steal our audience. Not only is their premiere the same day as ours, but they're going to project their movie Onto the face of the moon. We can't compete with the moon! Oh, yes, we can! I changed our premiere to tonight! The whit don't quit. We gotta get you packed. We're going to Hollywood right now. Uh, now? No. Oh? I'll miss the cheddar-brat fest. I promised my sister that I would be there for the cheese roll. Oh, Liv. You are the star of "space werewolves. " We need you at the premiere, so Unless this cheese you're gonna roll cost 100 million dollars to make, you're getting on that plane. Fine. I guess I'm going. Wait, you're not going to the cheddar-brat fest? But you promised me. I guess it must mean something different in Hollywood than it does in Wisconsin. Guess that only thing Liv's gonna crush in that cheese roll is Maddie's heart. Too soon? Yeah, it's too soon. Ha-ha! Look at that! Amazing! Let's hear it for engelbert lungburger. The pretzel king, everybody! Huh?! Hey, Maddie. I'm sorry Liv's not here. You doing okay? Yeah. I'm fine. I mean, you know, Liv's doing her thing and I'm doing mine, so besides I'm gonna take you down myself. Ahem. Okay. Oh. Don't look at me. Okay, let's go. You should be in Hollywood. - Stop! I should be here, okay? - Oh! Oh, no, there's no stopping. We need time to style you for that premiere. Oh. What are you doing? Plane's a-waitin'. Wow, you are really strong. Whitney, I can't just leave my sister hanging like this, okay? I made her a promise. Did you make that promise with your abs? Wow! Oh, come on. - Okay! - Oh, my God. Whitney, if you make me go to that premiere tonight, all that those photographers are gonna see on the red carpet is this. Boom boom boom sad face. No no no. No sad face on the red carpet. Whitney, come on! There has to be some way to get me to go to both the cheddar-brat fest and my premiere. It's just not possible. Well Well, technically, it might be kinda possible. If we delay the private jet two hours and do your hair and makeup here. Then I can still do the cheese roll with my sister and be in Hollywood on time for the premiere. Hold on. Bam! Hometown girl spends time with her family before big Hollywood premiere. That is a story with heart! You can't project that onto the moon. Let's do it. Boom boom boom happy face! Oh! Let's toss some sausages! And they're off. Parker Rooney is throwing sausage after sausage at his big brother Joey there. And he is catching everything but a cold. I tell you, it's amazing this Joey Rooney. I mean, it's like he is a brat-catching octopus. A brat-topus, if you will. Oh, we're down to two teams. Only two teams left. I know his sister is in the movies, but Joey Rooney's the real star today! Unbelievable! This is just an incredible display of brat-catching ability I haven't seen since ol oh, that's it! It's over! Parker and Joey Rooney win! We did it, we did it! We did it, we did it! Unbelievable stuff. What's your secret, boys? - Science! - Hard work. Hard work. Okay, enough primping. The cheese roll's about to start. Livie, let them work their magic. You are gonna be photographed more tonight than you've been in your entire life. You need to look perfect. You're perfect! Let's go. Come on, people. This cheese pork thing has us on a tight schedule. Um, Whitney, hold on. I wanna grab my phone. I wanna text Maddie that I'm on my way, now that I know I'm actually coming. No! No no no no no no! What the oh. Hey! Hi. So, um, my hair kind of got sucked into a Oh! a meat grinder. But, uh, you know, on the bright side - Help me! - Aah! Help me, Whitney, help me. I don't know what to do! Okay. And to the slippery sausage toss champions goes the golden bratwurst! Congratulations, boys. Seriously, Joey Rooney, how did you do it? Oh, well, Johnny, Johnny Johnny, success is 50% preparation and 50% perspiration. But me? No no no. I like to sprinkle in another 16% of natural-born handsomeness and one metric leader of straight up baller skills, yo! Ha-ha! And listen, is there anything you can't catch?! I mean, think fast. Huh? Oh. Second time's the charm. There you go. Um, why don't you try throwing one from this bin? Holy hidden secrets! The Rooney boys stuffed their sausages with metal and Joey's rings are magnets! How could you do this to the cheddar-brat fest? I thought we raised you to respect sausage. Okay, I got a guy coming. He's gonna get your hair out so we can salvage it for the premiere. Can he do it in the next five minutes so that I can make the cheese roll? Sister, it's gonna take two hours to fix your hair. You're not going to the festival. Wh Whitney, I promised my sister! No no no! Ah. Okay. Maddie needs you. You can do this. You can do this. Oh, why couldn't have been my arm that got stuck?! Okay. Say it isn't so! This just in: Maddie Rooney has backed out of the cheese roll. That means Pete and Karen Rooney are winners by default. Huh?! Let's hear it for 'em, folks. You ready for that crown, Pete? Cheese. You're gonna have to earn that crown! Liv? Holy hacked up hunks of hair! Ooh, ah Ooh. What happened? Oh, you know, it's just your typical "hair gets caught in a meat grinder and has to be hacked off in order to keep a promise to your best friend/sister" kind of story. One of those. Wait, you sacrificed your hair for me? What about your premiere? Um, actually, Whitney says that if I can win this within the next 10 minutes, I could still make the premiere. Nine minutes, 38 seconds. - Ticktock, ladies. - Okay, Maddie. Let's do this. Whoo! Okay, seriously, give me the hood. People are staring. Thanks. Looks like we're gonna have a cheese roll after all. Ha-ha! Partners, get ready to Chuck that cheddar. Please, oh, please, let's roll some cheese! I got it, I got it. The four-time champ grabs his wheel of cheese and let's it fly, and down goes the pretzel man. What a great shot! And there goes the younger Rooney. Pretzel man down! Here we go, pistol Pete again. - Go go go. - He's fired up. And there goes that wheel of cheese! And now Liv. Look at that shot lined up. Ball nation just desolated that house! And now it's down to the always-difficult pretzel castle, folks. Hey, uh hey, primetime. You know if you choke now you lose to girls whose diapers you've changed. Oh, sorry. That's right. You never changed our diapers. I was too worried I would get clumsy and drop you. Wow. Really hope you don't drop this wheel of cheese. You know it weighs about as much as a Baby girl. Did she get in your head? Shake it off, primetime. - You're the champ. - This is for all the marbles. And here he goes. He lets it roll, and Jimmy jumped up, mother of may! Whoo! If the twins can knock down their pretzel castle, they win! She intimidated my partner. You go get her, pretzel king. There is no smack talk in the cheese roll. You are banned from aiming your partner. What? No! How can I hit the castle without my aimer? You know what, Liv? It's fine. You got this. Because if anyone can find a castle, it's a princess. Of course. Activate diva sonar. Got it. Target locked. Ah ah ah. Still hideous under here. Thank you. There's a new cheese sheriff in town, and her name is "bull's-eye" Rooney! All right! We gotta go. Let's get on the plane, rooneys! Um, wait, all of us? You think I'm going to my big Hollywood premiere without my family? Move move move! Let's do it. Hit it, yes! I love you, Wisconsin! That was exciting, huh? Oh, boy. For the record, I didn't even wanna go to Liv Rooney's stupid Hollywood premiere, you know? - My job's right here - Hey, Johnny? - in Steven's point. - Um. We have an extra seat on the plane, so it's, uh, yours if you want it. Johnny Nimbus is going to Hollywood. Nimbus out! Wait up! I'm really glad Wisconsin Liv is back, but Hollywood Liv has some serious perks. Let's keep her around. Hey, guys. Family photo. Come on in. Yeah, check me out. - How do I look? - Everyone say - Cheese!