The Pastmaster Always Rings Twice

Razor: (Opens the locker and grab the helmet, then put the helmet on his head, and talks to himself) Alright, SWAT Kats! Listen up, I'm going to put a match on you! These are the rules, and these are the scores! So We're going to make a match game called a Mach! I am stronger, faster, and cool. Ha! You think you can handle it?... (phone rings) I'll get it! Hey, there! It's me Razor! and this is my second SWAT Kat, T-Bone who's in a Mach game. Hey! Can you hear me?!

Man: Sure I can hear ya.

Razor: Seems pretty tuff, right sir?

Man: Right. What did you have to say for yourself, Top Kat?

Razor: Looks like I'm having an excellent time today. You can call me "Razorman" and his sidekick, "T-Boy"!

Man: Sure, anytime you like.

Razor: Yes! Hey, Chance, you're over here! Get maching!

T-Bone (second SWAT Kat): Well, If you say so.

Jack: Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, Tom. This old boneyard is supposed to be cursed!

Tom: Eh, what are ya, Jack, a scaredy-kat? We find somethin’ valuable, and the museum’ll pay big bucks for it! So shut up and keep diggin’! Hey, I think I’ve hit paydirt! Gimme a hand here! There’s probably treasure inside.

Jack: Ugliest treasure  I’ve  ever seen.

Tom: Yeah, well this old watch has gotta be worth plenty of–- What?!

Jack: Wh–Who are you?

Pastmaster: I am the Pastmaster, imprisoned in here for eight-hundred years!

Jack: I told you this place was cursed!

Pastmaster: At last I’m finally free! Now to find my book of spells!

Jack: Let’s get outta here!

Tom: No way! We’re gonna sell that old gnome to the museum, watch and all!

Pastmaster: Curse the council! My book isn’t where I hid it!

Tom: You’re comin’ with us, Pastmaster!

Pastmaster: You foolish mortals! Even without my spellbook I have enough power to deal with vermin like you! Let them go! I have more important work for you. Start digging, and find my book of spells!

King: ( via loudspeaker ) You are violating a restricted area! Put down those shovels!

Pastmaster: Do those modern fools think some infernal machine can stop me? Attack!

Burge: Do we read these things their rights?

King: You have the right to remain buried!

Burge: These bones ain’t movin’ now. What’s this thing?

King: I don’t know. Headquarters wants us to take it over to the Museum of History.

Burge: Roger.

Pastmaster: Perhaps this museum has my book… So, this is what’s been accomplished in eight-hundred years. I want the Dark Ages back. And when I find my Tome of Time, I will arrange just that! ( laughs )

Razor: (strained) Making a Mach 4! ... Okay, T-Bone?

T-Bone: (also strained ) Mach 4! Ready… for more?

Razor: ( also strained ) Uh… huh!

T-Bone: Mach 5! All right, ten seconds. Beat that, SWAT Kat.

Razor: Wh-What?

T-Bone: Ha! New personal best! Ten seconds at Mach 5.

Razor: Yeah, well, if you say so. Of course… I didn’t see it.

T-Bone: Sure you didn’t see it, you were out like like a blown engine!

Razor: Hey, then how do I know you made ten seconds? I mean, you could’ve passed out too, and just made it up to yank my tail.

T-Bone: I'm gonna yank your tail first! That does it! Two outta three!

Razor: You’re on! (strained) What's happening? Why don't ya... just keep it up... a good work... and you can do this!... I can take more... Gs than you... But I can... give you a plus!

T-Bone: (also strained ) You bet, Why don’t ya… just admit it?! I can take more… Gs than you!

Razor: ( also strained ) I’ll believe it when I see it!

T-Bone (also strained) I'll believe it when I see it, too!

Dr. Sinian: And so when the museum re-opens, our new exhibit will trace the evoloution of Megakat City from prehistoric swamp to urban sprawl.

Callie: This should be enough for me to write the Mayor’s press release. Thanks, Dr. Sinian. Will that be in the exhibit?

Dr. Sinian: Oh, just came in, but it’s definitely a part of history. The darker part. These inscriptions date back to the Dark Ages.

Callie: Really? Any idea what was inside?

Sinian: Jewels, perhaps. Who knows what our ancestors might have buried in here?

Pastmaster: Here the past is dead. I prefer my past alive. (chuckles)

Museum Guard: Hey! How’d you get in here? The museum is closed until further– ( gasps )

Pastmaster: And  I  say it is open! ( laughs )

Museum Guard: No!

Callie: What was that?

Pastmaster: I do not want to be disturbed while I look for my book!

Dr. Sinian: Oh, good heavens! One of the exhibits has fallen!

Callie: One of the exhibits is  alive !

Pastmaster: Where is my book?!

Razor: See, Chance, I told you if I am leading than you are, Oh, and by the way, Miss Callie Briggs is counting on ya. Chance! It's your turn to call!

T-Bone: Jake! Callie’s callin’ us! Oh and by the way,  eleven  seconds at Mach 5! T-Bone here. What’s happening, Ms. Briggs? Ms. Briggs, do you copy? Sounds like big trouble!

Razor: What?

T-Bone: Up and at ’em, partner! Got a fix on Callie’s signal?

Razor: Roger! Megakat City Museum of History! Hey, Hang on a sec, I'm in a lead, and I can, and I have! (throws a bucket of water at T-Bone)

T-Bone: What?

Razor: I'm in charge and I am! Down these mean skies, A kat must fly, We want to be good guys.

T-Bone: Oh, boy, I wish I would sleep on a job.

Razor: A SWAT Kat's gonna do, when a SWAT Kat's gonna do, T-Bone, Get up!

T-Bone: What, who's there?

Razor: We're going to help, you know what to do, SWAT Kats! To the jet!

T-Bone: Yes sir!

Dr. Sinian: We can get out through the garage!

Razor: We're in a Turbokat, T-Bone!

T-Bone: And we're sleeping on a job!

Razor: Shhh! Any ideas how to get in a perfect place?

T-Bone: Well, I gotta better question, How can you get to the top of the Megakat Museum and beat up that giant creature?

Razor: Answer: it doesn't.

T-Bone: It's a saber-toothed cat.

Razor: (sighs) Looks like somebody's gone wrong in a perfectly place as usual, T-Boy.

T-Bone: Yep. Seems pretty quiet.

Razor: Quiet, huh?

T-Bone: Quiet and creepy.

Act Two
Razor: Popping canopy… now! Bingo!

T-Bone: Let me give you a hand, ladies. Your popping canopy is good.

Razor: T-Bone!

T-Bone: Thanks, Razor, but I think I could’ve taken him. Aren't you gonna use to that cement machine gun, but exhibits?

Razor: Just makin’ sure the cement machine gun was operational. Whoa, exhibits are gettin’ kinda lifelike, aren’t they?

T-Bone: Looks like the Enforcers are here. Late as usual.

Pastmaster: My Tome of Time. Eight-hundred years is far to long to be separated from such power!

Dr. Sinian: Only a sorcerer’s dark power could have brought these ancient bones to life. It must have been the Pastmaster.

Callie: If you mean that weird little guy in the hood, why don’t you just ask him?

Dr. Sinian: Oh, no! He’s stolen an ancient spellbook!

Sgt. Talon: All right, buddy, hand it over!

Pastmaster: The Tome of Time belongs to  me ! Hear the spell of this immortal, send this creature through the portal!

Dr. Sinian: It’s a Megasaurus rex!

Pastmaster: Out of my way, you fools! I command the past, and your future looks bleak! ( cackles )

Razor:

T-Bone: Hang tight, we’ll take care of this. Let’s kick some tail!

Razor: Roger! Octopus Missiles, away!

T-Bone: ( strained, as the jet flies out of control ) It… just… kicked  our  tails!

Dr. Sinian: The SWAT Kats!

Callie: They’re gone!

Dr. Sinian: Now who will save Megakat City?

Razor: Hurry up, T-Boy!

T-Bone: Come on, baby! Gotcha!

Razor: Uhh, T-Bone? I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Megakat City anymore.

T-Bone: Yeah, sleepin’ beauty, looks like that giant lizard smashed us into the past.

Razor: You know that sleepin' beauty is a female name, Not only me. So what's new?

T-Bone: Any idea how to get back?

Razor: Well, I’ve got a better question. How does a jet stay in the air without fuel?

T-Bone: Answer: it doesn’t!

Razor: Well, I’d better get to work fixing that torn fuel line.

T-Bone: ( dejected ) Fine. The closest gas station is only a million years away.

Razor: Huh? Ejektors!

T-Bone: Engaged! I guess we showed them!

Razor: Affirmative, but now we have to show  them !

T-Bone: Your Octopus Missiles are also good.

Pastmaster: ( cackles )

Enforcer Commando: Fire!

Pastmster: Aha, there  is  a way to destroy this modern monstrosity called Megakat City, and bring back the Dark Ages!

Enforcer Commando: It’s no use, Commander! We’ve thrown everything at that lizard!

Feral: I’m surprised those meddling SWAT Kats aren’t here.

Enforcer Commando: They got taken out early, sir.

Feral: Really? Well, we can handle this. Launch gas grenades!

Enforcer Commando: Yes sir!

Pastmaster: The spell must be cast from the tallest clocktower in the land. Once that was my tower, but now… You stupid beast!

Feral: They’re not going anywhere!

Dr. Sinian: Get that spellbook from the Pastmaster, or we’re all still in danger!

Feral:  I  give the orders around here!

Callie: Feral, Dr. Sinian knows what she’s talking about. She’s the curator of the museum.

Feral: All right. Throw a net over that guy!

Pastmaster: Hear the spell of this immortal, send these creatures through the portal!

Callie: Too little too late, Feral!

Feral: This is Feral. Bring me chopper backup!

Pastmaster: Yes, that clocktower will do nicely!

Callie: He’s headed for City Hall!

Manx: ( startled ) Huh?

Razor: Okay, T-Boy, you're up!

T-Bone: Spider Missiles, now!

Razor: Bingo! T-Bone, follow me!

T-Bone: Into a live volcano?! Razor, you’re crazier than I am!

Act Three
Razor: Oxygen masks, now! Lucky for us those leather-wings don’t have gas masks.

T-Bone: Smells like prehistoric fried chicken. Volcano-hoppin’ was kinda fun, but I don’t wanna spend the rest of my nine lives stuck in dinosaurville.

Razor: Affirmative. And I’ve got an idea that just might get the Turbokat back in the air.

T-Bone: You betcha! Lucky for us those leather-jet fuels don't even resist!

Feral: Let me blast that gnome and his buzzards off of there!

Manx: I give the orders around here, Feral, and you’re not going to blow up my City Hall, until I know who we’re dealing with and what he wants!

Callie: He’s an eight-hundred year old sorcerer from the Dark Ages!

Manx: Perfect! Well, don’t just stand there! Get up to the tower and find out what he wants!

Razor: Fuel tanks are modified. Give me some gas!

T-Bone: You really think this is gonna work? Fuel tanks?

Razor: Well, theoretically, the natural volcanic gas mixture should get us off the ground. Or blow us up.

T-Bone: Blows us up? And what's that for?

Pastmaster: Alas, it’s too late. When this clocktower strikes noon, my Dark Age city will return, and your Megakat City will be no more!

Callie: Wait! The Mayor has authorized me to give you anything you want! Money! A parade in your honor!

Pastmaster: How generous! But I’m already getting what I want! A return to the past!

Dr. Sinian: Our only hope is to destroy that book!

Callie: And we’re running out of time!

Pastmaster: You’re really going to enjoy the Dark Ages!

Callie: Guess it’s up to Feral now, especially without the SWAT Kats.

Razor: Looks like I'm in charge, and I guess it could be a feeding time, of course. It means the SWAT Kat's ain't on the menu!

T-Bone: Maybe we should’ve tried the unleaded volcano.

Razor: Well, at least we didn’t blow up.

T-Bone: Feeding time again, guys? Sorry, SWAT Kat ain’t on the menu!

Razor: T-Bone! Looks like another one of those time holes is opening.

T-Bone: Time holes? Where's the time holes?

Manx: Feral, you’ve got only three minutes to blast that sorcerer out of the clocktower!

Feral: My pleasure! Fool should’ve given the order an hour ago!

Pastmaster: Get them!

Manx: My office!

Pastmaster: It won’t be long, now!

Razor: Have no fear, Razor and T-Bone are here!

T-Bone: We’re back!

Callie: The SWAT Kats!

Razor: Looks like our city’s having an identity crisis.

Callie: SWAT Kats, you have only one minute to blast the Pastmaster out of the City Hall clocktower!

Razor: Who says we can’t fight City Hall?

T-Bone: Eat afterburner! Watch this! If the Gs don’t knock you out!

Razor: Nice flying, T-Bone! Hey! I didn’t pass out! I- T-Bone! Wake up, buddy! We need a pilot now!

T-Bone: Why didn’t you eject?

Razor: And miss that look on your face? No way! Alright, sleepin' beauty, You know what to do, right?

T-Bone: Aye aye, Captain!

Manx: They’re too late!

Pastmaster: Time’s up! No!

Manx: I wish they’d got back in time to save my office.

Dr. Sinian: I guess the Tome of Time won’t be making it into the new exhibit. But, at least we don’t have to worry about the Pastmaster anymore.

Razor: It looks like they don't call us Razorman and his sidekick, T-Boy for nothing!

T-Bone: Yeah!

Both: Rock and roll!