The Birthday Synchronicity


 * Sheldon: Amy? Amy? Wake up.
 * Amy: Wh…what’s wrong?
 * Sheldon: It’s midnight. Happy Birthday.
 * Amy: Sheldon.
 * Sheldon: [Honks birthday horn.] Honk!
 * Amy: [takes the horn] Okay, you can have this back in the morning.
 * Sheldon: This is for you. I was going to wrap it, but touching Scotch tape gives me the heebie-jeebies.
 * Amy: I’ll put that on the list with peaches and felt. What is it?
 * Sheldon: A functional MRI of my brain. I did Sudoki before they took it so I’d be ripped.
 * Amy: I love it. Thank you.
 * Sheldon: And it’s not just an MRI. The frontal orbital cortex is lit up because I was thinking of you.
 * Amy: [now touched] Sheldon. [they kiss]
 * Sheldon: We seem to be moving on to the annual coitus portion of your birthday festivities.
 * Amy: Is that okay?
 * Sheldon: I didn’t put on my come-hither plaid PJs for nothing.
 * Amy: You hate Scotch tape, but you love Scotch plaid. You are a mystery. [Romance starts.]
 * Penny: [Knocking.] Guys, wake up. Bernadette’s having her baby.
 * Leonard: Come on. We’re going to the hospital.
 * Amy: I guess…I guess we should stop.
 * Sheldon: Yeah, I’m afraid so. Child birth. Looming coitus? This is a banner night for female genetics. [Amy smiles.]


 * Althea: Now I see three of you. Do we know the father, or is this some Mama Mia nonsense?
 * Howard: I’m the father.
 * Althea: Okay, Dad, how far apart are the contractions?
 * Howard: No idea. Ask him. [gestures to Raj]
 * Raj: Twelve minutes.
 * Althea: Twelve minutes? Why are you here?
 * Stuart: Aren’t we supposed to get here an hour and a half early?
 * Althea: This is the hospital, not the airport.
 * Bernadette: I’m sorry. It’s our first time.
 * Althea: It’s okay. The little one will be here before you know it. Do you know what we’re having?
 * Howard: No. we’re keeping it a surprise.
 * Althea: Old school. Nice.
 * Bernadette: Not that old school. He knows. [gestures to Raj]
 * Raj: You see, I was at the doctor’s office and the folder was right there, so I took a peek…
 * Howard: And talking like this doesn’t make it sound less creepy.
 * Althea: Sweetheart, go home. Come back when the contractions are five minutes apart for an hour.
 * Raj: That’s ambiguous. Is that five minutes apart starting at the top of the hour apart or is that five minutes with the first contraction so essentially like sixty-five minutes.
 * Althea: [annoyed by Raj's technicality] I’m just throwing this out, but home births are very popular these days.


 * Sheldon: Wolowitz might hand out cigars. I had to find my bubble gum cigar so I could join in without looking foolish.


 * Amy: So…where were we?
 * Sheldon: Well, I believe we were kissing like randy teenagers and your nose was whistling ever so slightly.
 * Amy: I’m sorry.
 * Sheldon: Oh, don’t be. You were like a foxy tea kettle.
 * Amy: [Laughs] Well, shall we start over?
 * Sheldon: Very well.
 * Amy: What’s wrong.
 * Sheldon: I’m not sure. Earlier tonight things began organically and now it’s being forced like all the “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequels.
 * Amy: Okay, that makes sense. I mean, the mood’s a little different now. We-we don’t have to rush.
 * Sheldon: Oh, okay, I know that Leonard and Penny think we’re doing it and I don’t want to disappoint them.
 * Amy: And the mood continues to change.
 * Sheldon: No, and also, I don’t want to disappoint you. I…You know, come on, it’s your birthday. I can soldier through this.
 * Amy: Ho..hold it. I think I might have a little surprise that might get things back on track.
 * Sheldon: Intriguing. Is “back on track” a hint that it has something to do with trains?
 * Amy: No.
 * Sheldon: Because if it did have to do with trains and you were gonna give…
 * Amy: It’s not about trains!
 * Sheldon: Oh, not even a cozy sleeper on the Orient Express?
 * Amy: Stop talking about trains!
 * Sheldon: Who’s killing the mood now?


 * Sheldon: Can I look yet?
 * Amy: One second. All right you can open your eyes. [Sheldon opens his eyes, and sees her in a Harry Potter Hufflepuff robe and scarf. holding a wand] I thought I’d let Harry Potter make things hotter. [Giggles]
 * Sheldon: [entranced] Wowza.
 * Amy: I got a Gryffindor robe for you.
 * Sheldon: Oh… A Gryffindor sleeping with a Hufflepuff? How scandalous. You naughty girl. You went to the Wizarding World theme park without me.
 * Amy: I did. Am I in trouble?
 * Sheldon: Yes you’re in trouble…. You went to the Wizarding World without me.
 * Amy: Wait. What just happened?
 * Sheldon: You know. I’ve been planning to go.
 * Amy: Sheldon, do you really want to argue with me on my birthday?
 * Sheldon: Oh, you’re right. I’m sorry. [they kiss]
 * Amy: Oh, Happy Birthday to me! [Chortles]
 * Raj: [knocking] Hello…
 * Amy: [answers the door.] Is this about the baby?
 * Raj: No. People just keep kicking me out wherever I go.
 * Amy: Good. Then you’re used to this. [shuts the door]
 * Penny: [running out of 4A] Hey, Bernadette’s water broke!
 * Leonard: Come on. Everybody to the hospital!
 * Amy: You’ve got to be kidding me!


 * Howard: Just try to relax. We’ll be there any minute. Stuart, stop driving like an old man. Speed up a little.
 * Stuart: I’m not an old man! I just can’t see at night.
 * Bernadette: [groaning in pain] Here comes another one. Hey, squinty! The gas pedal’s on the right!
 * Stuart: All right, hang on. If you see any pedestrians, just call ‘em out.


 * Raj: This is not how I pictured this day going; I should be with them right now.
 * Penny: It's funny, Howard and Bernadette are having their baby on your birthday.
 * Amy: Yeah, but I thought this baby was supposed to ruin their sex life, not mine.
 * Raj: And the worst part is they kicked me out and let Stuart stay!
 * Amy: I understand, but can you just let it go? This is a very special day for them.
 * Sheldon: You know, I just found out Amy went to a Harry Potter theme park without me, but I'm not going to ruin her birthday. I'll just ruin 24 individual hours throughout the year. [touches Amy's nose] Boop!


 * Howard: Deep breaths. Slow breaths.
 * Bernadette: I’m so thirsty. Give me more ice chips.
 * Stuart: [crunching] Sorry, I thought these were room ice chips. I’ll go get some more.
 * Howard: Uh, Stuart. While you’re out there, don’t come back.
 * Stuart: Okay.
 * Howard: So, what are we gonna name this kid? Now that we know she’s a girl, it kind of ruins my plan for Wally Wolowitz.
 * Bernadette: Could name her after your mom.
 * Howard: Debbie? [chuckles] No. She hated that name.
 * Bernadette: Did she have a middle name?
 * Howard: Melvina?
 * Bernadette: Let’s keep thinking.
 * Howard: Hmm.
 * Bernadette: Ah.
 * Howard: It sucks that she’s not here.
 * Bernadette: I know.
 * Howard: Hmm. She would’ve been the best grandma.
 * Bernadette: She did always have candy in her pocket.
 * Howard: Yeah. I was twenty years old before I figured out Tootsie Rolls weren’t naturally warm.
 * Bernadette: I didn’t know her five minutes and she asked, “Are you a Milky Way or a Snickers girl?”
 * Howard: Thank God you answered right, we wouldn’t be here today.


 * Howard: Come on, Bernie, breathe. Remember what you learned in birthing class.
 * Bernadette: I remember thinking, “this is stupid” and I was right!
 * Howard: Do you want me to get the nurse?
 * Bernadette: No! If one more person puts their fingers near my uterus, I’m gonna cross my legs and snap ‘em off!


 * Howard: She’s here. The baby’s here.
 * [Everyone stands up from the chairs]
 * Penny: Oh!
 * Raj: Congratulations! [hugs Howard]
 * Amy: How’s Bernadette?
 * Howard: Tired, but great. They’re both great.
 * Penny: Does the baby have a name yet?
 * Howard: We have named her Halley.
 * Penny: [almost gushing] Oh!
 * Leonard: Like Halley’s comet!
 * Howard: Exactly. Also like the comet, Bernadette said she’s not gonna have sex with me for another 75 years.
 * Amy: [to Sheldon, hastily] That’s not a real thing, he’s just joking.
 * Howard: I’m gonna get back. Thank you for staying up, I can’t wait for Halley to meet her new aunts and uncles, and [turns to Raj] godfather.
 * Raj: [touched] Really?
 * Howard: Of course.
 * Raj: You hear that, Stuart? I’ve got a dog and a godchild, you have nothing!


 * Penny: Oh, look at all the babies!
 * Sheldon: Some may be successful, some may be homeless. [Amy looks at him] It’s fun to think about.
 * Leonard: I wonder which one’s Halley.
 * Amy: Kind of hard to see the names.
 * Penny: Mm, that one kind of looks like Bernadette.
 * Amy: They all look the same to me.
 * Raj: Guys, she’s my goddaughter, I think I’ll know when I see her.
 * Halley: [cries like Debbie Wolowitz, freaking out the adults]
 * Raj: That one.


 * Raj: I'm gonna drive like they do in India. [angrily honks horn] GET OUT OF THE WAY, YOU SYPHILITIC DOGS!


 * Amy: Well, that was quite a day.
 * Sheldon: It was. Bernadette had her baby, I made it to Wizarding World, and now it is time to complete your birthday celebration. Hankius Pankius.
 * Amy: I was afraid you’d be too tired.
 * Sheldon: Amy, I just saw a magic train and reported somebody for cutting in line. If that’s not foreplay, I don’t know what is. [chases Amy into the apartment]