Rango


 * [first lines; four owls starts playing music and singing one of them starts to narrate]
 * Senor Flan: We are gathered here today to immortalize in song, the life and untimely death of a great legend. So sit back, relax, and enjoy your low calorie popcorn and assorted confections, while we tell you the strange and bewildering tale of a hero who has yet to enter his own story.
 * [breaths in with his eyes closed]
 * Rango: Hmmm. Hmmmaoh. Muh. Mmmuh! Mmmmuh! Hmmmuh! Congy-creamy-coky-candle- cupcake.
 * [shakes his face and opens his eyes]
 * Rango: Okay, everybody! Let’s take it from the top.
 * Rango: The stage is set. The night moist with apprehension. Alone in her chamber, the princess prepares to take her own life.
 * [he reveals a naked top of a plastic doll; Rango speaks as the princess in a woman’s voice]
 * Rango: It is far better to nourish worms than to live without love!
 * [changes his voice to his own]
 * Rango: She reaches for the poison chalice. Meanwhile, the wicked Malvolio plots his ascension to the throne.
 * [Rango laughs wickedly]
 * Rango: While her aging father lies gravely ill.
 * [in a voice of frail old man]
 * Rango: Yes, I’m gravely ill.
 * [Rango continues with his stage play]
 * Rango: Hark, who goes there?
 * [in the voice of a hero with a sword in his hand]
 * Rango: It is I! The much anticipated hero returning to rescue his emotionally unstable maiden. Unhand her you jailers of virtue or taste the bitter sting of my vengeance!
 * [he thrusts his sword forward again]
 * Rango: The sting of my…the…
 * [Rango stops his acting]
 * Rango: Doctor Marks? Doctor Marks, I’m not getting anything from you!
 * [he sighs]
 * Rango: People, we’ve talked about this! Acting is reacting.
 * [he turns and talks to the palm tree behind him]
 * Rango: Victor, you were wooden! There, I said it.
 * [he turns and points to the plastic fish in the water puddle]
 * Rango: Mister Tims, you were good. Perhaps a little too good! What’s that, Victor?
 * [turns to face the palm tree again]
 * Rango: My character’s undefined? That’s absurd! I know who I am. I’m theeee…I’m the guy! The protagonist, the hero! Every story needs a hero! I mean, who else is better qualified to bask in the adulation of his numerous companions!
 * [thinking to himself]
 * Rango: [voice over] The stage is waiting. The audience thirsts for adventure. Who am I? I could be anyone!
 * [speaking in a sea captain’s voice]
 * Rango: I…I could be the sea captain returning from a mighty voyage, to reclaim his mechanical arm!
 * [he starts hitting himself in the head with his arm that he’s pretending is mechanical]
 * Rango: Or I could be the rogue anthropologist, battling pythons down in the Congo!
 * [makes his own tail into a snake and starts strangling himself]
 * [speaking in a fake Spanish accent]
 * Rango: And if you desire romance, I will become the greatest lover the world has ever known!
 * [gets a guitar and starts playing]
 * Rango: Hola!
 * [notices the naked top of a plastic doll and walks over to it; starts speaking in his fake Spanish accent]
 * Rango: I couldn’t help but notice you noticing me noticing you. You know the women find me uncomfortably good looking. But you seem remarkably at ease.
 * [he pushes the dolls arm forward so it touches his knee]
 * Rango: Oh, stop it!
 * [pushes the dolls arm away but with his other arm pushes the plastic arm back on his knee]
 * Rango: No, really!
 * [he pushes the dolls arm away again]
 * Rango: Well, if you must!
 * [he brings the dolls arm back on his knee]
 * Rango: Ha-ha! What are you doing?
 * [keeps pushing the dolls arm backward and then forward to his knee]
 * Rango: Oh! That tickles! Are those real?
 * [he slaps himself with the dolls arm]
 * [after he’s slapped himself with the doll’s arm]
 * Rango: Huh! That’s it! Conflict! Victor, you were right! I have been undefined!
 * [addressing all his pretend friends]
 * Rango: People, I’ve had an epiphany! The hero cannot exist in a vacuum! What our storyepiphany needs is an ironic, unexpected event, that will propel the hero into conflict.
 * [just then we see that Rango is a pet kept in a glass aquarium traveling in the back of a car which swerves, the aquarium falls off the car into the middle of the road breaking]