Night of Darkness

Worker 1: It's a guy in a weird bug suit.

Worker 2: Hey, what are you doing here? This area's restricted.

Bug Man: Hey, so long, suckers! Woah!

Obediah: Here's the new, improved exploding acorns for your utility belt, sir.

Pith Possum: Ah, glad they're improved. The old ones had a tendency to blow up in my face.

Obediah: Well, you're supposed to throw them, sir.

Pith Possum: Yes, of course. Now, how do these work?

Obediah: Well, you throw these also.

Pith Possum: Hmm...

Obediah: You see, the top of the acorn comes off. Then, you toss the acorn itself towards your current foe.

Pith Possum: That's ingenius, Obediah! Let's see, you pull off the top-

Obediah: Sir, no!

Pith Possum: What do you mean, "no"? That's what you told me to do.

Obediah: Yes, but not-

Pith Possum: Well, now, look. This is getting awfully confusing. I thought you said this was improved.

Obediah: Sir, throw the acorn! Throw the acorn!

Pith Possum: I'm getting to that, I'm getting to that. Then, I throw the acorn. New, improved, huh? I think there's still a few bugs in it. Pith Possum, Super-Dynamic Possum of Tomorrow speaking. Ah, Commissioner Stress!

Comissioner Stress: Some mysterious fiend is disrupting the peace by stealing loads of baby supplies. The city is expecting our massive shipment of baby rattles to come into the harbor tonight. We're hoping you can get down there and check it out. It maybe the fiend's next target!

Pith Possum: Baby supplies. Obediah, to the Possummobile! Now, let's see which one of these buttons activates the steel anti-theft plates?

Obediah: I'll show you, sir.

Pith Possum: I remember, I remember! It's, uh... this one! That must be the target Commissioner Stress told us about. The thief is bound to strike!

Obediah: Sir, up in the sky! It's a bird!

Pith Possum: It's a plane! No, it's-

Obediah: It's a giant bug!

Pith Possum: So it is. Well, we don't have to look at bugs. We've got to keep our eyes peeled for that thief. Now, if I were a thief, where would I come from?

Obediah: Pith Possum, sir, I think it's, uh-

Pith Possum: Quiet, Obediah. I'm trying to use my sharply toned method of deduction.

Obediah: But, he's, it's the- He's right over-

Pith Possum: Honestly, Obediah, you can be such a pest. Perhaps, some of those longshoremen can tell us if they've seen anything suspicious. Come on, Obediah. You have by any chance seen anything suspicious around tonight, have you, sir?

Obediah: Perhaps, we should ask the man in the bug suit, sir.

Pith Possum: Good idea. Excuse me, sir, but I was wondering if you've seen anything suspicious around here tonight.

Obediah: Sir, I believe that man is the criminal.

Pith Possum: This guy in the bug suit is the villain? Are you? Wow, he's the villain all right. Where's my special villain in a bug suit incapacitator?

Obediah: It's in the car.

Pith Possum: Oh. Well, I guess I'll just have to do it the old-fashioned way!

Bug Man: (laughing) Hey, you'll never be able to catch me, Pith Possum. My insect powers are far too fabulous and wonderful! So long, loser! Yeah!

Obediah: Sir, sir! Are you all right?

Pith Possum: I don't wanna go to school today, mommy.

Obediah: Come on, sir. Let's get back to Possum Place.

Pith Possum: I think I have a fever. We've got to find a way to trap that evil bug man. There's got to be a cunning ploy. What would a bug man be attracted to? Why is he stealing baby supplies?

Obediah: I think there's one coming up now on the cunning ploy computron. Here it is, sir! The answer!

Pith Possum: Let's have it. By George, this is brilliant! No bug could possibly pass this up. I love that computer! Let's get started on it right away! It's perfect! What bug could possibly resist this?

Obediah: Sir, it's dusk. Time to lay and wait for bug man?

Pith Possum: Right. Turn on the light!

Bug Man: Let's see, yeah. More diapers, string carrots, peas, wonderful. Oh, yes, and, uh, more air freshener, yeah, huh? Fabulous. What? No! I mustn't succomb to the temptation. Ah, but it's so, so bright! So inviting! No! I mustn't! I can't take it! I must! Yes! Wow, ha! So good! Fabulous! Wonderful! Thank you so much! (laughs maniacally)

Pith Possum: Why did you do it, Bug Man? Why?

Bug Man: Ah, it's, uh... It's easy... if you just come and see for yourselves. So fabulous.

Pith Possum: This is your home?

Bug Man: Yeah, I live here with my wife and children. Come in for a look-see.

Pith Possum: Bug Man. I-I don't understand. You seem to have a nice home, and you tell us you have a wife and children. It sounds perfect. What led you to a life of crime?

Bug Man: Hey, take a look, huh? Yeah, huh? This is what I get for falling in love with a termite. How can I possibly feed and care for 57,000 grubs without turning to crime? Riddle me that, Mr. Fabulous Super-Dynamic Possum of Tomorrow. Wonderful, yeah.

Pith Possum: Well, I-

Obediah: Sir, it's silk! The purest I've ever seen it. Did this come out of your kids?

Bug Man: Uh, yeah. They excrete about a ton. You mean it's real silk?

Obediah: Yes! You, Bug Man, are a wealthy man. All you need to do is manufacture this into bed sheets, and your money worries will be over for good!

Bug Man: Hey, gosh! Thank you so much, Pith Possum and Obediah! Wonderful! Fabulous! You saved me from the road of ruin! Hey, did you hear that, honey? We're rich! Yeah!

Pith Possum: But, I'm afraid you'll still have to face the judge for your crimes, Bug Man. Come with us.

Bug Man: I'll be back in ten years, honey. Hey, don't throw that stuff away anymore! Remember, bedsheets!

Narrator: And so, Pith Possum and Obediah solve another mystery and bring another criminal to justice, once again leaving the trails of possum city safe for all law-abiding forest critters. What a nice guy!