Night of the Living Shnookums

(The episode opens on a thunderstorm happening right outside Shnookums & Meat's house at night, as a glow is seen in one of the second floor windows.)

TV Announcer 1: "We now return to Late Night Horror Crypt of Mystery Theater! Tonight's film: "Planet of the Undead Haunted Bugs"!"

(Inside one of the living rooms, Shnookums and Meat are watching the movie. Shnookums looks at the TV screen with boredom and shifts his eye to Meat, who shivers under the blanket fearfully. On the screen, a spacewoman is searching around the canyon as a beetle climbs up a wall. She stops for a moment and sees a large tentacle that grabs her. The spacewoman screams. Meat panics and grabs the TV remote, changing the channel to a western movie.)

Shnookums: (frustrated) "Whattya doin'?!" (He grabs the remote back from Meat and changes it back to the movie, only to frown when he sees the end credits. He turns to Meat angrily and complains.) "Oh, great! You made me miss the ending!"

Meat: (shuddering) "I got scared." (Shnookums extends his head to Meat.)

Shnookums: (scoffing, leaning back) "That stupid movie actually scared you? Oh, you're pathetic!" (He grabs a handful of popcorn and stuffs them in Meat's face.) "Nothin' scares me."

Meat: (angered) "Is that so?" (He growls at Shnookums ferociously, as he bares his teeth.)

Shnookums: "Except dat." (Shnookums panics and splits away from the couch, as Meat chases Shnookums throughout the house. Shnookums then reaches the Husband's train layout and turns around to see a growling Meat cornering him.) "Wha-wha-what are you gonna do?"

(Meat grabs Shnookums by the scruff of the neck and drags him away. Meat is then seen riding a toy train locomotive, as he wears an engineer's hat for style.)

Meat: (acting as the conductor) "Toot-toot! Here comes the 9:09 right on time!"

''(Shnookums runs for his life down the tracks, screaming, as Meat's train gets closer. A bunch of railroad crossing gates flash, as Shnookums stops and turns to see the train coming towards him. He panics, and the train crashes into him with smoke and stars flying around.)

(Soon, Meat is looking at Shnookums laying on the floor and passed out. Meat laughs at Shnookums, when his rump falls off. Meat sees his rump and puts it back on his backside, as he then laughs again. Little does he know that Shnookums mysteriously opens an eye at him and goes back to being passed out.)''

Meat: (laughing, picking up Shnookums) "Oh, boy!" (laughs) "You should've seen your face! Ha-ha-ha-ha!" (He puts Shnookums upright on his feet and pats his back, but Shnookums falls over.) "Oh, that was a good one!" (laughing) "Hey," (laughing) "No hard feelings, all right, little pal?" (laughing) "Little pal?" (laughs nervously as Shnookums' neck tips over) "Uh..." (He chuckles nervously and checks on Shnookums.) "Okay, buddy, joke's over." (Shnookums doesn't respond.) "Buddy? Shnookums?" (He shakes Shnookums, until Shnookums's head tips over. Shnookums has died, as Meat gasps.) "What have I done?!" (He turns to Shnookums.) "Shnookums, speak to me! Speak to me!"

(Meat looks around to see if the coast is clear. He, holding tight to Shnookums, zips over to the Husband's worktable and puts Shnookums in a sack. He flings the sack over his shoulder and walks away. At the kitchen, Meat extends his head and checks if no one's around. He extends his foot and continues on, when the Wife comes in.)

Wife: "Oh, Meat." (Meat panics and hides the sack under his chest.) "Are you ready for your dinner already?" (She gives Meat his food dish.) "I wonder where Shnookums is." (She then pours some cat food in Shnookums' food dish.) "That cat. He's so happy and mischievous, so full of life." (Meat's eyes well up with sadness, as the Wife pets him.) "What would we do without him, huh, Meat?"

Husband: (offscreen) "Well, it's almost time to leave, honey. Did ya feed the animales?"

Wife: (walking over to Husband) "Yes, but Shnookums isn't around." (Meat is tearing up as she speaks to Husband. Meat then cries.)

Husband: "Don't worry about Shnookums, darling. He's bound to turn up somewhere! Heh, that crazy scamp-about!"

(The couple then leaves in their car for dinner. As lightning strikes, Meat opens the door, carrying the sack, and checks to see if the coast is clear. He looks at the sky above and retracts his head when another lightning bolt strikes in front of Meat, scaring him. Meat presses on and reaches the garbage cans by the garage. He chatters his teeth as he opens the garbage can lid, plugging his nose from the smell. He then dumps Shnookums' body inside the garbage can and closes the lid. Meat shivers until another lightning bolt strikes behind him. Meat propels his feet and dashes back inside the house, slamming the front door shut upon entering. With his back at the door, Meat sweats fearfully and grabs a handkerchief to wipe the sweatdrops, until another lightning bolt flashes from outside. Meat looks at the camera and bashfully drops the handkerchief on the floor.)

Meat: (relieved) "I'm better off without dat stupid cat! Yeah, yeah!" (He pats his fist into his palm.) "It's gonna be a lot more peaceful around here now. Yeah, yeah!" (He then flips over a row of wall-hanging portraits is seen that features Shnookums and Meat hanging out together behind the wall.) "He always talked with his mouth full and made this place smell funny." (He stops when he sees Shnookums' throne.) "It's good that he's gone!" (He puts the throne inside a closet door.) "I-I've done everybody a favor! Yeah, that's it!" (He walks back to the couch and sits down on it.) "That's for sure. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yes, sir."

(However, Meat's relief takes a turn for the worse when Meat looks up at a large wall portrait of Shnookums that turns into a horrifyingly grotesque version as lightning strikes. Meat's head has turned into a large eye and turns back to normal. He then grabs the remote and turns on the TV to calm himself down. On the screen, a poor, defenseless kitten is motioning his attacker to leave him alone)

TV Announcer 2: "Stay tuned for "That Darn Dead Cat!", next."

(A gunshot is head, and the cat drops dead on the ground. The screen fizzles as Meat changes it to another channel, where he gapes in horror upon hearing a gruesome chorus of meows. A gang of undead cats march on the screen, seemingly coming towards Meat!)

TV Announcer 3: "Zombie Cats from Brooklyn!"

(Meat flips the remote and changes the channel, shutting his eyes, until he sees a grotesque warthog-looking cat pointing out its finger.)

TV Announcer 4: "Curse of the Kitty!"

(The TV screen fades to black. Meat chatters his teeth again and stops, getting off the couch. Another flash is seen, causing Meat to look at the trash can that he put Shnookums in outside through the window. He turns around, sits on the loveseat, and opens a book of stories written by Edgar Allen Poe. A loud, macabre-sounding meow is heard. Meat bulges his eyes and climbs up the chair with his heart beating. Suddenly, another flash of lightning and a gust of wind have opened the window. He zips back to the window and shuts, but he finds a horrifying discovery. With a closer look, he realizes that Shnookums has escaped the trash can and coming to the house!)

Meat: "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

(Meat darts off, rounding the corner, and reaches the front door, where he puts on the lock chain and slots, puts on a series of locks on it and barricades the door with a cabinet. Meat pants out of exhaustion, until he hears some soft meows. Meat changes his mind, and he then pushes the cabinet aside, removes each padlock, and goes to removes the lock slots and chains, until the front door collapses on him. A glow is seen outside, as the undead corpse of Shnookums marches inside!)

Shnookums: (hoarsely evil, pointing to Meat) "Trick or Treat, Meat!"

Meat: (popping out from under the door) "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

(He spins his feet and runs for his life through the living room, until he crashes into a pillar. He falls on the floor and sees Shnookums coming toward him with his eye sticking out of its socket. Shnookums reaches Meat, and they stare at each other, the both of them extending their eyes. Meat then does a wild take and speeds away. He reaches the kitchen, screaming his head off, and slams the door shut, loosening some plaster and causing a wall portrait of a flower to fall on the floor. As the intensity dies down, Shnookums chuckles to himself. He throws off his mask, revealing Shnookums to be alive and well, and all of this is just a prank to scare Meat!)

Shnookums: (scheming) "Now, what's next?" (He gets an idea, looking at the ceiling above, and snaps his fingers.)

(Soon, Shnookums has a length of rope tied around his waist. He loops the rope and throws it around the ceiling lamp, as the pebble drops in front of Shnookums. He then climbs up the rope, as Meat sees the whole thing by extending his eyeball through the key lock.)

Meat: (finding out the truth) "Hey! He's not really dead!" (angered) "Why, that little..." (He growls wrathfully, shaking his fist. Shnookums snickers quietly to himself, as Meat then exits the kitchen, feeling calm.) "Well, well, I guess that ghost is finally gone." (Shnookums snickers again and then puts on his zombie mask.) "I will just walk into the living room now, and..." (He whistles innocently, when Shnookums jumps off the ceiling lamp.)

Shnookums: (as a ghost) "BLA-A-A-A-A-AGGHH! OOOOHHHHHH! Ah!"

(His prank is cut short, when Meat catches Shnookums in a boot and throws right above the door frame, where Shnookums slithers down to the floor, leaving a large imprint into the wall plywood. Meat then confronts Shnookums, glaring at him wrathfully, as Shnookums back away from Meat.)

Shnookums: (chuckling nervously) "Now, hold it, pal! Aren't you glad to see me here, huh? W-wouldn't you miss me if I-I-I was gone, huh? I-I was just trying to show you how-"

(Meat stops cornering Shnookums and then goes into a heart attack.)

Meat: (clutching his heat, painfully) "It's... It's my heart!" (He stammers and then passes out on the floor. Shnookums looks at him, cluelessly.)

Shnookums: (elbowing Meat, friendfully) "Oh, come on, bonehead! You don't expect to me to fall for that, do ya? Well, sheesh!" (He laughs, until he stops upon Meat not responding to him. He then pounds on Meat's head to wake him up.) "Come on. Get up, old buddy. Upsy-daisy!" (He laughs nervously, until Meat drops his head on the floor and then dies. Shnookums panics.) "Oh, no! Oh, no! He's really-really gone, I-" (alarmed) "Oh, no! Oh, I'm in big trouble now!" (Meat, actually playing dead, opens an eye at Shnookums and closes it.) "Oh, this is-this is terrible! Oh, the folks will be very disappointed to come home and find a doormat dog! Oh, then, of course, I'll get blamed for it, and-Oh, no! Oh, my gosh!" (He gets an idea.) "There's only one thing to do!"

(Soon, Shnookums has put Meat in the trash can and has brought Meat to a bridge outside the city.)

Shnookums: (hanging the support boulder below the bridge) "Sorry it had to end this way, old friend." (He then puts Meat's trash can as a coffin on the edge of the bridge.) "But, I can't have the folks finding your old body around here, can I?" (He wipes his forehead with a handkerchief and then gives Meat his last farewell, ready to tear up.) "I-I-I know you'd understand if you could only hear me." (He throws the hankie away and creeps toward the trash can.) "So long, old buddy."

Meat: (popping his head out of the trash can and laughing) "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I'm not really gone! I just pretended I was to teach you a cruel lesson!"

Shnookums: (sniffling) "No, if-if only dat were true." (He starts to shove him off the bridge.)

Meat: (nervously) "Hey, but it is true!" (points to himself) "I'm alive, heh! I'm alive!"

Shnookums: (obliviously) "Don't toy with my emotions! I'll miss you." (He pushes Meat off the bridge.)

Meat: (screaming, flailing his arms) "I'm a-I'm a-I'M ALIIIIIIIIVE!" (He falls and then splashes into the river below.)

(Later on that night, as the storm continues outside, Shnookums happily opens a can of sardines and eats the first one. Unfortunately, Meat is then seen, as he marches right to the front door and knocks loudly on the front door knocker. The knocker attracts Shnookums, who then coughs up a mass of sardines, until he stops and listens. His fear increases, as his eyes widen and the front door resembles a hauntingly angered expression. The knocking then stops, as Meat's voice is heard.)

Meat: (offscreen, eerily) "Trick or Treat, Shnookums!"

(Fade Out)