Life on the Fast Lane


 * (Bart and Lisa argue about which birthday present Marge likes better.)
 * Bart: She likes mine better.
 * Lisa: Oh yeah? Then how come she's not wearing any of your perfume?
 * Bart: Oh yeah, Hey mom? Why aren't you wearing any of the perfume?
 * Marge: Erm, I was saving it... for a special occasion.
 * Bart: What the hell are you talkin' about?! There's gallons of it!
 * Marge: Well, this day is already so special, that if we made it any more special, we might end up making it less special.
 * Bart: Ahh, gotcha. Told you she likes mine better.
 * Lisa: Oh, brother.


 * Homer: Wait until she sees my birthday present.
 * [Motions for the waiters to sing while he gives Marge her present. Near to the end, the bottom of the present gives way and a bowling ball falls on her birthday cake. Everyone is surprised except Patty and Selma who knew that Homer has been thoughtless as usual and that gift offends Marge.]
 * Homer: Don't worry, this frosting will come right off.
 * [Homer is looking at the ball, while Marge is furious with him for getting her another thoughtless gift.]
 * Homer: Beauty, isn't she?
 * Marge: Well it's hard for me to judge, (furious) Since I never bowled in my life!
 * Homer: Well if you don't want it, I know someone who does.
 * [ Marge huffs out a surviving candle, extremely furious with Homer once again for ruining her birthday.]


 * (Marge bowls a strike with Jacques' instruction.)
 * Marge: You're a very good teacher.
 * Jacques: Yes, I am a very good teacher, and I can teach you everything. I can tell you what the little arrows on the wood floor mean, which frame is the beer frame. I bet you don't know how to make a five-seven-ten split. Do you Marge?
 * Marge: Hmmm, no.
 * Jacques: Well, first of all, you yell, "The eight-pin is a cop!"


 * Jacques: Laugh, Marge, laugh out loud; you'll lose weight.
 * Rev. Lovejoy: Please be seated, Homer.
 * Marge: Yeah, sit down, Homer.
 * Afterwards
 * Woman talking to Rev. Lovejoy: That was very nice, Father.
 * Rev. Lovejoy: I'm glad you liked it. Ah, Homer, I seemed to have struck a chord with you today.
 * Homer: Huh? Oh yeah, you were great.


 * Grampa: I hope they find the punk who did this, and I hope they cut his head off!