Pie Contest

(We begin at the porch of the park house. Benson has an announcement for the six original groundskeepers)

Benson : Alright, everyone. As you know, today is the annual pie contest. And, surprise, surprise, we're gonna do it the same as last year. Skips, you're on podium duty. (Skips nods, and walks off, carrying a rake) Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost, you guys go and set up the booths.

Muscle Man : Yeah! (high-fives Hi Five Ghost) Later grandmas! (runs off)

Benson: Pops, you're in charge of decoration.

Pops : Oh, rest assured, it will be a delight to the senses. (walks off)

Benson: I'll be in charge of judging the pie contest. (focus on Mordecai and Rigby) Mordecai and Rigby, just go pick up garbage or something. (Mordecai groans)

Rigby: Aw, what?

Mordecai: Ugh! Why do we always get the lame jobs?!

Rigby: Yeah, why can't we judge the pies?

Benson: (chuckles) Yeah right! You have no idea what it takes.

Rigby: Uh, I'm gonna guess eating a bunch of pies.

Benson: No, it's not just eating a bunch of pies! Trust me on this, you're not ready.

Rigby: Come on, how hard can it be? I eat pies all the time.

Benson: (groans) This isn't a game, Rigby.

Mordecai: Dude, just give us a chance! You always give us jobs we hate. If you gave us a job we liked for once we might actually be good at it!

Benson: I don't have time for this. Go pick up some trash or your fired. (gets in the golf cart and drives away. M&R chase him down the dirt road)

Mordecai: Wait!

(focus on Benson. We hear the duo land on the roof of the cart, then, from Benson's POV, we see M&R hanging from the roof)

Mordecai and Rigby: Let us be judges!

Benson: (screams, then, hits the brake, flinging M&R to the ground and leaving them barely conscious. Benson then walks up, annoyed) You are actually willing to put yourselves in physical danger just so you can judge pies?! (M&R moan in their state of pain) Okay, fine. But I warned you. If you come to me wanting to quit, YOU'RE FIRED! (storms off. M&R then high-five)

(clock transition to a mini-montage of the beginning of the pie contest. Some contestants have set up. Then, we pan down from the pie contest banner to M&R, wearing the judge ribbons as the contestants look on. The duo nod, and then walk into the contest. A girl waves to the duo, and Mordecai nods flirtatiously. Rigby does the same to a trio of girls looking on. Next, we see two teenagers talking. The blonde teen taps the ginger's shoulder, and points towards M&R. The ginger turns, revealing his pie-shaped sunglasses, and greets Mordecai. Finally, M&R look at the pies set up. There are apple pies, strawberry pies, and even chocolate pies. The montage then ends on M&R walking up to judge Pops' pie)

Rigby: Hey, Pops. What kind of pie did you make?

Pops: This is my cherry tart! Put out your hand, put out your hand! (Pops places one slice of cherry pie into Mordecai's and Rigby's hands. The duo then begin eating the pies, and show approval)

Mordecai: This is great, Pops!

Pops: (laughs) I'm so glad to know it would be you two who will honor me with my tenth blue ribbon.

Rigby: Hang on, Pops, not so fast! There is a chance someone else's pie will win.

Mordecai: Yeah, we can't make any promises.

Pops: (almost cries) Oh, I understand. (walks over to a display of his blue ribbons. He touches the area he planned to hang the tenth ribbon) Then I guess blue ribbon number ten will just have to wait.

(M&R are lost deep in thought. Clock transition to Muscle Man's and Starla's stand. M&R walk up)

Rigby: So what do we have here?

Starla : It's a rubarb tartlet.

Muscle Man: (points at the duo) And you're gonna love it. (reaches hand to Starla's cheek) Starla put her heart and soul into this pie. Didn't you, baby? (grabs forks and digs into the tartlet) Okay, judges, judge this! (M&R grab the forks, and eat the piece. They almost vomit at the sour taste, but manage to swallow it) Now give her the blue ribbon, ladies.

Mordecai: Um, we can't just give Starla the blue ribbon...

Muscle Man: (grabs M&R and pins them against his face) If Starla's rubarb pie doesn't win, the next pie you taste will be thrown in a tube! (close up of Muscle Man's face) Because you'll be in a hospital bed, hooked to life support! (throws M&R to the ground)

Starla: (runs over to Muscle Man to hug him) Oh, Mitch! (MM&S kiss. As they do, Muscle Man makes the "I'm watching you" sign to M&R)

(clock transition to M&R walking through the stands)

Mordecai: Man, that was horrible! Judging's a lot harder than it looks.

Rigby: (Points) But not too hard to judge THAT pie!

(Shows a very gross looking pie)

Mordecai: Ahhh, sick!

Rigby: I feel sorry for the apples that died to make this!

Mordecai: I wonder what sort of loser made this loser pie.

Margaret : (Comes running to Mordecai and Rigby) Mordecai! Rigby! Hey guys, wait up!

Rigby: Oh dude! How much do you want to bet this is Margaret's pie?

Mordecai: (Punches Rigby) Hey Margaret, how's it going?

Margaret: (Holds out two forks) Ready to try my pie?

Rigby: Hmm-hmm.

Mordecai: (Punches Rigby) Heh heh, we'd love to, 'cus we're judges... (Mordecai and Rigby get a piece, and the pie makes a fart sound as they do.) (Mordecai and Rigby eat the pie, and they gag and try not to throw up (Gagging) Oh, declicious!

Mordecai and Rigby: Heh heh....heh....

Margaret: So what do you think? Here's my score card. I won't look right away if you don't want me to.

Mordecai: Uhh..huh...we forgot our pencils! (Runs away with Rigby. Mordecai and Rigby are walking by more pies, but are now confused to which one they should give the pie to).

Mordecai: Ughhh! Dude, judging BLOWS! I don't wanna tell people the truth about their pies!

Rigby: I know! If we don't pick Starla, Muscle Man is gonna freak out on us!

Mordecai: I can't tell Margaret about her pie, she'll never talk to me again!

Rigby: And what about Pops? He almost cried and we actually liked his pie.

Mordecai: (Sighs) Everyone's totally gonna hate us after this.

Benson: (Walks in with sunglasses) (snooty tone) Well, well, well. Sounds like pie judging is not as easy as you thought, is it?

Rigby: No, it's totally easy.

Benson: Whoa, whoa, don't get all testy. (Takes a bite of a pie)

Mordecai: What's that?

Benson: (mocking tone) Oh this, it's a piece of pie. You know what the best about cleaning is? You pretty much get to eat pie all day. I don't think I picked a single piece of trash yet. (Takes another piece of a pie, while Mordecai and Rigby scowl at him) Yeah, judging was the worst. Telling people what I think about their pies, hurting their feelings, crushing their dreams. Well, just let me know when you guys wanna quit. (Eats the rest of his pie) Oh wait, you can't, because if you do, I get to fire you! (laughs obnoxiously at their faces) Happy judging, fellas! (laughs while running off)

Rigby: Uggh. I don't want to judge this contest anymore.

Promise Pie : (Off-screen) I can it judge it for you.

Mordecai and Rigby: What?

Mordecai: Who said that?

Promise Pie: (Off-screen) I'm over here. Over by the trash can. (Mordecai and Rigby open the trashbin revealing that the voice they heard was a talking pie) Hi.

Mordecai and Rigby: Ugh!

Mordecai: Who are you?

Promise Pie: I'm Promise Pie.

Rigby: Cool. (reaching out his hand) Talking pie.

Mordecai: (Stops Rigby) Dude, don't touch it.

Promise Pie: Wait, I can help you.

Mordecai: How can you help us?

Promise Pie: I can help you pick the winner.

Rigby: Really?

Promise Pie: Oh yes, trust me, it will be as easy as pie. (laughs)

(Mordecai closes the bin)

Mordecai: Yeah, we'll take a rain check on the talking pie advice. Come on, dude, we have to do this ourselves. There's gotta be a way to judge this competition without makin' everybody hate us!

(Mordecai and Rigby think about how to best judge the contest)

Rigby: (He gasps) Dude! (He snaps his fingers)

Mordecai: What?

Rigby: I know what we gotta do! (He 'snaps fingers on both hands)

Mordecai: Dude, what is it?

Rigby: Oh, man it's so simple! We just gotta give everyone a perfect score! (He again snaps fingers on both hands and he then points to the ground) Boom!

Mordecai: What?

Rigby: Yeah, dude! If we give everyone a ten then everyone wins! And nobody hates us. (He 'snaps his fingers again) Boom!

Moredcai: Dude, that's actually a really good idea!

Rigby: Yeah, man everybody's gonna be pumped! (He snaps his fingers for the final time)

Mordecai: Time to finish judging this contest right.

(cut to another mini-montage of M&R walking down an isle, rows of pies at their sides. They come up to Skips and they eat some of his pie, they then write his score on some paper, M&R show it to him, revealing a ten. They then go to Hi Five Ghost and eat his pie, as they do, ghosts stream out of their eyes. Rigby gives him a ten. Mordecai pokes Death's pie, Ravens come out of it, Mordecai gives him a ten. We then cut to Gary, his "pie" in front of him, M&R also give him a ten, they are sparkling. We also cut to Eileen , she is smiling, M&R give her a ten, her pie all over their faces. We cut to M&R spinning around gleefully, each holding a perfect score, then there is a quick flash of M&R giving out tens. We then cut to M&R on a spinning pie, each holding up a ten. Finally we cut to them giving out tens, they throw the tens into the screen, ending the montage.)

(Many people are standing outside the tent)

Rigby: Dude, we did it, we judged those pies in their faces!

Mordecai: Yeah, we did!

Mordecai and Rigby: Perfect score! Perfect score! Perfect score!

Moredcai: But, seriously, dude, we're never judging again.

Rigby: Yeah, man.

(Benson enters)

Benson: Alright guys, let's go, it's time to pick a winner.

Rigby: Oh, it's cool, we gave everyone perfect scores, so it's a tie.

Mordecai: It's totally a tie.

Benson: (groan) No! It doesn't work that way!

Mordecai: Wait, wha?

Benson: In the event of a tie the judges have to pick a winner live in front of all the contestants.

Mordecai and Rigby: What?!

Benson: That's right, doesn't seem so easy anymore, does it?

(Benson starts to leave)

Rigby: Benson, You gotta help us!

Benson: No way! You wanted be judges, you get to be judges.

Rigby: What do we do?!

Mordecai: I don't know! I gotta think.

Benson: Here's an idea, get out there and tell everybody the truth.

(Benson leaves)

Rigby: Dude, we can't do that, everyone's gonna hate us!

Mordecai: Well, we have to do something, if we quit Benson 'll fire us!

Rigby: (gasp) Dude! The pie!

Mordecai: No, we're not asking that guy for help.

Rigby: Do you wanna tell Margaret how bad her pie was?

(Mordecai stares at Rigby. We cut to darkness, Mordecai opens the lid, M&R are now consulting Promise Pie)

Promise Pie: Well, well, well, look who's come crawlin' back.

Mordecai: Can you really help us?

Promise Pie: Of course, I can! Just say the word and I'll make pickin' a winner as easy as pie.

Rigby: Okay, but can you stop talking like that? It's making me uncofortable.

Mordecai: Yeah, me too.

Promise Pie: Oh, sure, I can use my natural voice. (Promise Pie's voice deepens to a monster-like quality) HOW'S THIS?

Rigby: Uh, probably better to go with the first voice.

Mordecai: Look, just help us judge the contest.

Promise Pie: Not a problem. (Promise Pie sprouts arms and legs) I'll call you to come out as soon as it's done. Oh, and one more thing, no matter what ya hear, don't come out 'till I say.

Mordecai: What, why?

Promise Pie: JUST DON'T COME OUT 'TILL I SAY!

Mordecai: Okay!

(Promise Pie chuckles and walks outside. Mordecai & Rigby flop on the steps to the stand outside)

Mordecai and Rigby: Phew!

Mordecai: Man, problem solved!

(Mordecai & Rigby hear screaming, they go outside)

(The world around them is a hazy red. Promise Pie is now a giant and he is eating people, he eats Starla)

Muscle Man: Babe! Gimme--

(Promise Pie eats him)

Mordecai: Promise Pie! What are you doing?!

Promise Pie: I'M NARROWING DOWN THE COMPETITION, SO IT'LL BE EASIER FOR YOU TO JUDGE.

(He picks up Margaret, he is about to eat her)

Mordecai: MARGARET! NO!

(M&R run toward Margaret, Promise Pie swats them aside and he eats Margaret, he resumes feeding. Benson runs up)

Benson: What've you done?! I knew you guys wouldn't be able to judge pies!

(Benson is grabbed by Promise Pie, he is about to be eaten, so is Pops)

Pops: Was my pie so terribly bad that you couldn't judge it?

(Pops is thrown into Promise Pie's mouth, screaming)

Rigby: POPS, NO!

Mordecai: POPS, YOUR PIE WAS ONE OF THE BEST ONES WE TASTED!

(Pops is spit out of Promise Pie's belly. Promise Pie shrinks a little)

Benson: KEEP JUDGING!

Mordecai: OKAY! UH... I GUESS STARLA'S PIE WAS KIND OF OKAY.

Benson: BE HONEST! YOU HAVE TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST!

Rigby: ALRIGHT, FINE! STARLA, YOUR PIE WAS GRITTY AND IT TASTED LIKE A SACK OF BUTT CHEEKS!

(Muscle Man and Starla are thrown out. Promise Pie roars and throws Benson, screaming, to the ground)

Benson: It's working!

(Promise Pie runs toward them and almost crushes M&R, they jump out of the way)

Mordecai: SKIPS, NEXT TIME YOU BAKE, WEAR A HAIRNET, BRO!

(Skips is shot out, screaming)

Rigby: DEATH, THIS WAS TERRIBLE, STICK TO KILLING PEOPLE!

(Death is shot out)

Mordecai: HEY, DUDE WITH THE PIE GLASSES! THE ONLY THING MORE TASTELESS THAN YOUR GLASSES WAS YOUR PIE!

(The dude with the pie glasses is shot out)

Rigby: SCABITHA, YOUR PIE WAS SOGGY, AND I FOUND A BANDAGE IN IT!

(Scabitha is shot out)

Mordecai: MARGARET, YOUR PIE--! UGH! YOUR PIE! IT WAS THE WORST PIE I'VE EVER SEEN! SOMEHOW IT WAS BURNED AND RAW, IT TASTED LIKE BARF! (Margaret is now shot out and Promise Pie has shrunk to his normal size) Sorry, Margaret. Pops, your pie was the best, you're the clear winner!

Rigby: Yeah, here's your ribbon, man.

Pops: Good Show! Jolly good show! (laughs)

(Everyone, except Margaret gather around Mordecai, Rigby, and Pops)

(Promise Pie is on the ground, coughing)

Promise Pie: What about me, fellas?

Mordecai: What about you? I think it's time to put you back in the trash.

(Mordecai picks him up with a shovel and throws him against the side of a garbage truck. It drives away as Benson shows up)

Benson: MORDECAI! RIGBY!

Mordecai: Woah! Benson, we're sorry!

Rigby: Yeah, at least we didn't give up, right?

Benson: UNBELIEVABLE!

Mordecai: Hey, man, we judged that pie contest.

Rigby: You're just mad we didn't quit and now you can't fire us!

Benson: Oh, can't I?

Mordecai and Rigby: No, you can't!

Benson: Yeah, I guess you're right. (Benson hands M&R cleaning equipment) CLEAN UP THIS MESS, OR YOU'RE FIRED!

(Benson walks out. M&R stand in silence)

Rigby: You think there's any pie left?