George vs. George

And you just had a car repossessed. 00:00:05	That has to be a mistake. 00:00:05	That can't be us. 00:00:06	Actually, it's just the accounts in your husband's name. 00:00:13	Wait a second. 00:00:13	These aren't my accounts. 00:00:16	Well, is that your date of birth and your social security number? 00:00:20	Yeah. 00:00:22	George, maybe somebody's stolen your identity. 00:00:24	Come on. 00:00:24	Who'd want to be me? 00:00:27	Well, if this really is a case of identity theft, you're going to have to take it up with the credit bureau. 00:00:34	We can't help you. 00:00:35	We're not friends anymore, are we, brenda? 00:00:39	[ Intro to war's "low rider" plays ] ♪ all my friends know the low rider ♪ 00:00:58	♪ the low rider is a little higher ♪ 00:01:35	twizzlers.the twist you can't resist. 00:02:50	Listen, I told the man who connected me to the woman who connected me to you that these charges are not mine! 00:02:58	I'm notthatgeorge lopez. 00:03:00	I'mthisgeorge lopez. 00:03:02	No. 00:03:02	Don't put me on hold. 00:03:04	Don't put me on hold! 00:03:05	Don't -- ♪ 00:03:12	♪ 00:03:15	how's it going? 00:03:16	None of these people believe me. 00:03:19	This is gonna take forever. 00:03:20	♪ Who can it be knocking ♪ 00:03:26	it can't take forever. 00:03:27	We need that money for allendale. 00:03:29	You know it's 14 grand a year till carmen graduates. 00:03:32	.. 00:03:32	6, 7 Years. 00:03:38	Hello. 00:03:38	This is george lopez. 00:03:40	No, man. 00:03:40	Don't send me another form. 00:03:42	What? 00:03:43	That's not my business address. 00:03:45	That must be the other george -- oh, yeah. 00:03:48	Yeah, yeah. 00:03:49	I'm sorry. 00:03:49	That's my address. 00:03:52	Just say it again. 00:03:53	I want to make sure you got it right. 00:04:04	2796 Van nuys boulevard. 00:04:08	Thanks a lot. 00:04:10	I got him, angie. 00:04:11	I got him. 00:04:12	Okay, george. 00:04:13	Take it easy. 00:04:14	There's a thief over at 2679 van nuys, and I'm gonna kick his butt. 00:04:18	George, your -- your dyslexia. 00:04:22	It's 2796. 00:04:23	Don't try to stop me! 00:04:24	I'm going to 2976 and kicking whoever's butt's there. 00:04:28	It's 2796. 00:04:30	I don't care! 00:04:31	I'm going to the 2000 block and kicking everyone's butt. 00:04:35	Angie! 00:04:37	2796! 00:04:43	Is there a george lopez here? 00:04:45	You got him, man. 00:04:47	So you're george lopez? 00:04:50	If we're playing 20 questions, it should be 20differentquestions. 00:04:54	How's that working out for you, man? 00:04:56	You having fun being george edward lopez? 00:04:59	I didn't say my middle name. 00:05:01	No, you didn't, did you? 00:05:03	Look, buddy, I got a button right here behind the counter. 00:05:06	Hey, press it. 00:05:07	I want the cops to come. 00:05:09	Because I'm the real george lopez. 00:05:11	What are you talking about? 00:05:12	You went on the internet, got my information, and stole my identity. 00:05:17	What the hell is your real name? 00:05:20	It's george lopez. 00:05:21	Anybody could get a fake license. 00:05:22	Quick -- what's your social security number? 00:05:25	I'm not giving out my social security number. 00:05:28	Why not? 00:05:29	Somebody might steal my identity. 00:05:31	All right. 00:05:32	I'll tell you mine. 00:05:33	We'll say it at the same time. 00:05:35	Ready? 00:05:37	Go. 00:05:38	Both: ..6. 00:05:44	Oh, no. 00:05:44	You're good. 00:05:45	Look, I don't know how this mix-up happened. 00:05:48	I got some credit problems, but I'm not a thief, man. 00:05:51	Okay, here's what you're gonna do. 00:05:53	Be at my work tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. 00:05:55	I want to see your birth certificate or I'm calling the cops. 00:05:59	And if the cops don't find you, I will, and I'll kick your ass. 00:06:06	George, I wonder if there's another ernie cardenas out there trying to steal my identity. 00:06:12	Hey, I wonder if he has a better life than me. 00:06:16	I think he's probably killed himself by now. 00:06:22	Look. 00:06:22	There he is. 00:06:24	I can't believe the dude showed up. 00:06:33	Your birth certificate? 00:06:35	Yeah. you got yours? 00:06:37	In here. 00:06:45	All right. 00:06:47	Here's mine. 00:06:50	Here's mine. 00:06:58	These are exactly the same. 00:07:00	No, man. mine's an original. 00:07:01	Yours is a copy. 00:07:05	Mom! 00:07:09	We got to talk. 00:07:12	Oh. 00:07:12	This is the guy, huh? 00:07:17	What is this? 00:07:20	That is a copy, george, .. 00:07:24	..certificate. 00:07:28	Why is it a copy? 00:07:30	Because when your dad left us, he stole the original. 00:07:33	So is this the original? 00:07:35	Oh, my god. 00:07:36	Yeah, that's it. 00:07:40	That's where I spilled the tequila. 00:07:45	Hey. 00:07:46	The second the doctor told me I could drink again, I drank. 00:07:50	Well, maybe you should stop drinking because that's my birth certificate. 00:07:55	George, this is yours. 00:07:56	I bet your dad sold it to this guy's dad. 00:08:00	My dad didn't buy anyone else's birth certificate. 00:08:03	So I suppose your dad's name is manny lopez, too. 00:08:08	Yeah, it is. 00:08:10	This manny lopez? 00:08:13	Dude, how'd you get a picture of my dad? 00:08:17	Dude, this is my dad. 00:08:20	No. that's my dad. 00:08:22	Oh, man. 00:08:23	Do you know what this means? 00:08:24	That your father never learned how to use a damn condom. 00:08:33	He had another son, mom. 00:08:37	We're half brothers. 00:08:40	I got a half brother? 00:08:44	Wow. 00:08:44	Hey, why don't you find three more and maybe you can be on "family feud"? 00:08:52	I'm not related to her, right? 00:08:55	Already I'm jealous of you. 00:10:17	it's lobster. 00:10:18	Indulge in endless servings of your favorite shrimp. 00:11:02	My mom told me my dad was dead. 00:11:03	Then I found out he was alive from aunt cecilia, and I've been looking for him everywhere, man -- on the internet, I ran ads in a bunch of newspapers. 00:11:11	Angie even called every manny lopez in california, but he's impossible to find. 00:11:15	Oh, he's in phoenix. 00:11:16	He's in the book. 00:11:19	And so ends a 35-year journey. 00:11:22	Who wants pudding? 00:11:23	If george's father needed a birth certificate to make you legal, then that means he wasn't a citizen. 00:11:32	That can't be right. 00:11:33	He'd have to be a citizen. 00:11:35	He was married to my mom. 00:11:41	.. 00:11:43	! 00:11:44	I tried to tell you when you were 2. 00:11:46	I tried again when you were 3, but -- have you ever told me one thing that was true? 00:11:51	Are you my mother? 00:11:53	Are you even a woman? 00:11:53	'Cause there's been talk, and I'm getting tired of defending you. 00:11:58	We got married. 00:11:59	I just wanted to wait till I was pregnant enough to fit into my mom's wedding dress. 00:12:05	You know, this is an amazing story. 00:12:09	Oh, yes. 00:12:09	It's like a fairy tale. 00:12:14	A guy knocks up a 17-year-old girl, dumps her, then goes to mexico, knocks up another girl. 00:12:24	And in the woods, there's some animals that sing. 00:12:29	you got to tell me about our dad. 00:12:32	I know enough about your dad. 00:12:33	Let's talk about your mother. 00:12:35	Exactly how big of aputawas she? 00:12:42	What? 00:12:47	Oh, my god! 00:12:47	Stop it. 00:12:49	No. no, no, no, no. 00:12:50	It's okay. 00:12:51	Now I know why dad named our dog benny. 00:13:05	You know wha-- mom! 00:13:16	What can I get you, george? 00:13:18	George, whatever you're having. 00:13:20	Hey, georges, over here. 00:13:23	Hey, ernie, what are you doing here? 00:13:25	Just another night in my 20-year campaign to go home with a bartender. 00:13:30	you want to go home with me? 00:13:32	meet me in the middle of the freeway at 2:00 in the morning. 00:13:36	[ Chuckles ] I'm not falling for that one again. 00:13:40	A couple beers here, kate. 00:13:42	Man, you know, growing up I always wanted a brother. 00:13:44	My mom was always working, so I was always alone. 00:13:48	You had me. 00:13:49	Yeah, but you had asthma. 00:13:54	It's no fun playing hide-and-seek when the hamper's wheezing. 00:13:59	"George, how did you --" [ wheezing ] " [ wheezing ] [ imitating inhaler ] shout! 00:14:10	Shout! 00:14:12	You got great hair, man. 00:14:15	Right back at you. 00:14:16	Why don't you marry him? 00:14:20	At least we got one good thing from our dad, huh? 00:14:23	What do you mean? 00:14:25	I didn't want to say anything in front of your kids, but, uh, dad wasn't exactly a good guy. 00:14:30	Compared to what? 00:14:32	I was raised by joan crawford. 00:14:34	I'm telling you, man. 00:14:36	You got the better end of the deal. 00:14:38	Did i? 00:14:38	How do you think it feels to find out your dad just didn't leave you? 00:14:42	He left for another family he wanted to be with more. 00:14:45	Hey, he didn't care about us either, man. 00:14:47	He was always wasted. 00:14:48	He couldn't keep a job, so we had to keep moving. 00:14:50	We lived in a car a couple of times. 00:14:52	I had to drop out of high school just to support us. 00:14:55	So, you know, forget about college. 00:14:57	Man, it has taken me half my life to undo all the crap that he did to me. 00:15:02	I didn't realize. 00:15:04	I guess I wanted to believe he was a good guy. 00:15:07	.. 00:15:09	I'm still trying to hold down a job. 00:15:11	I'm not even sure I'm gonna make the rent this month. 00:15:15	How short are you gonna be? 00:15:17	About 500 bucks. 00:15:20	Hey, but, you know, don't worry about it, man. 00:15:24	I'll work it out. 00:15:25	Hey, have you tried the lottery? 00:15:28	You gotta be in it to win it. 00:15:31	I'll tell you what. 00:15:33	I'll talk to angie. 00:15:34	Things are kind of tight, but we'll see what we can do. 00:15:39	I appreciate it, bro. 00:15:40	Hey, listen, I'll get us a couple of shots of tequila, and who knows -- maybe I'll melt the ice princess over there. 00:15:51	Ha. 00:15:51	He doesn't have a chance. 00:15:57	It took him 10 seconds to make her laugh. 00:16:00	Why can't I do that? 00:16:01	Ernie, a peacock has its feathers, a buck has its antlers, .. 00:16:07	There are the lopezes. 00:16:12	I wish I had antlers. 00:16:41	"c@ You know, angie, it's kind of nice having a brother around. 00:18:59	Some family. 00:19:01	Somebody to take max soccer games on saturday. 00:19:05	I scraped together the $500 for your brother, but I think he's gonna need a lot more help than that. 00:19:12	What are you talking about? 00:19:13	Well, I was clearing up our problem at the bank, and it's gonna take awhile, but we're gonna get the loan for carmen's school. 00:19:21	.. 00:19:21	We're in debt. 00:19:23	But while I was straightening up whose account was whose, an old student loan caught up with your brother. 00:19:31	He owes arizona state a lot of money. 00:19:36	No. 00:19:36	He didn't go to college. 00:19:37	I know it's kind of a party school, is still a college. 00:19:43	No, ange. 00:19:44	He told me last night he didn't finish high school. 00:19:48	.. 00:19:49	It was a 4-year loan. 00:19:51	Why would he lie about something like that? 00:19:56	I wonder what else he's lying about. 00:20:00	So, max, in 1999, tony hawk did his first -- max, your mom wants you. 00:20:07	Sure. 00:20:10	Want to give it a try? 00:20:12	Put the board down. 00:20:13	What's up? 00:20:15	Are you my half brother? 00:20:16	Do you even know who my dad is? 00:20:18	Where'd you get the birth certificate? 00:20:20	What are you talking about? 00:20:22	You went to college, fool. 00:20:24	Your student loan caught up with you. 00:20:25	I can't believe a word you say. 00:20:26	Who the hell are you? 00:20:28	I'm your half brother, okay? 00:20:30	I didn't tell you about college, 'cause I didn't think I'd get sympathy. 00:20:33	I didn't think you' we weren't poor. 00:20:41	What? 00:20:42	We didn't really live in a monte carlo, we kind of summered in monte carlo. 00:20:48	Our dad's rich, man. 00:20:53	Damn. 00:20:53	But if you're rich, why do you need $500 from me? 00:20:57	No, no. dad's rich. 00:20:58	He built this huge construction company. 00:21:00	You know, I screwed up, and he cut me off, man. 00:21:03	I ran out of my trust-fund money last year. 00:21:09	You're a spoiled rich kid? 00:21:11	And our dad's not such a horrible guy. 00:21:14	He gave me a lot of chances. 00:21:16	He's actually a pretty good dad.