Hate Floats

The Venture Bros.: Season: 2 Episode: 2

[incomplete]


 * [phone ringing]
 * Gary’s mom: Gary! Phone!
 * Gary: Mom, we’re busy!
 * - Gary!
 * - What?!
 * - Phone!
 * - Fine! Have a cow, why don’t you? Atomic comic collection connection
 * - Shut up! I know. What are you doing?
 * - Working. Hang on. Atomic comic collection connection. Your on-line
 * - 21, this is The Monarch speaking.
 * - Boss? Holy crud! I got 24 on the other line.
 * I’ll put us on three-way.
 * Good.
 * I want him to hear this, too.
 * - Dude, it’s The Monarch.
 * - Hey, boss.
 * How’s prison? Well, I’m out.
 * No thanks to you schmucks! Guess where I am now? - At a good friend’s house? - At a Best Western? I am sitting in the charred remains of my once mighty flying cocoon.
 * Anyone wanna explain to me why my cocoon is charred? Because you told us to destroy the cocoon? - And why it is sideways?! - We were following orders! - You can’t yell at us for following orders! - Or kill us for following orders.
 * Never mind.
 * Just summon the others and get over here.
 * There are no others.
 * Yeah, most of them joined up with Monstroso’s crew when you went inside.
 * And we kinda lost touch after that.
 * I’m not gonna lose my temper.
 * All right, here’s what is going to happen.
 * I’m going to take a shower in what is left of my bathroom.
 * When I get out, I expect you to be here.
 * And I expect this cocoon to be fully manned and fully operational! - Awesome.
 * We are back, dude.
 * - You heard him.
 * I’ll pick you up at 5:00.
 * Be outside.
 * I don’t want to have to talk to your mom.
 * I will be there.
 * Daddy’s home.
 * Quit honking! I heard you the first time.
 * Lady! Lady, no! Mom! Call the dog! The Grand Cooley Dam the largest concrete structure in the United States.
 * Whatever.
 * Do they really need to know this? Happy fifth Happy 16th birthday, boys.
 * Blow out your candle.
 * Here, boys.
 * Put these in your wallets.
 * You’re official now.
 * - How come they’re all burned up? - Laminating accident.
 * - They’re still good though.
 * - You sure? ‘Cause this date is wrong.
 * - If I was born this year - Curiosity kills more than the cat.
 * Put them in your wallets, like the man said, and get dressed.
 * We have a big day ahead.
 * Are you the bully of your school or even the victim of bullying? Do you watch movies about costumed heroes and think "That guy’s a pussy. I sure hope a much cooler bad guy kicks his ass." - It’s like you’re reading my mind.
 * - I am not a mind reader, stranger.
 * You, like so many others, are drawn to the sexy action-packed lifestyle of the professional henchman.
 * But I could never be a henchman.
 * I am just a normal guy who is between the age of 18 and 30 a loner, and lacks ties to friends and family.
 * You, stranger are the perfect candidate for costumed aggression.
 * Yo, fat boy.
 * We get to carry a piece? But of course! Your standard Grade One henchman in service of the mighty Monarch is issued a dart gun and a grappling cannon to name only a few of the exciting accoutrements that will aid the henchman in his wondrous world of career henching.
 * What kinda ride we get? How does an enormous flying cocoon sound to you? A flying cocoon? I can already feel my life getting better! The mighty Monarch Around the world No way.
 * Are we floating? - Hey, boss! - Welcome back! - You actually did what I told you? - Yeah.
 * We are up and running.
 * The new guys stole some parts from Sergeant Hatred’s hover tank which is cool but broken now.
 * So there’s a couple of issues.
 * Let me do this.
 * You know that 21 and I have been working for you for, like, ever, right? And we think it’s about time we were given new numbers.
 * - Like one and two.
 * - Or two and one.
 * - Fine, whatever.
 * - Yeah, like it’s that easy.
 * No, listen to this.
 * Henchman 28! Front and center! You want me? You roll your big ass over here! And I’m done told you my name is #1! I like that! Shows initiative! Seems like you collected the perfect team of go-getters to carry out my brilliant new plan.
 * Operation Get Back Dr. Girlfriend! #1, it’s time you met your leader! The Monar What the?! Get that off your head! I smell weed.
 * Can’t you give me just a little hint? And ruin the surprise? No, sirree Bob.
 * I wish I was you.
 * This was a big day for me when I was your age.
 * - Hi.
 * May I help you? - Yes, you may.
 * I would like to fit the lucky birthday boy for his first speedsuit.
 * Great.
 * And what is a speedsuit? What is a speedsuit? Only the perfect habiliment for the science-minded man who knows both comfort and ease and demands them from his clothing.
 * In a speedsuit, you say to the world "Look out! I know what I’m wearing for the rest of my life!" That’s a short-sleeved jumpsuit.
 * Check the workwear department in the back.
 * - My big surprise is a jumpsuit? - Speedsuit.
 * I don’t want to hear you ever say jumpsuit, Dean, not ever.
 * Speedsuit.
 * There she is! Follow her! Steady.
 * Steady now.
 * Keep your distance.
 * Yeah.
 * Fly casual.
 * She’s standing around.
 * Quick! Evasive maneuvers now! - Something wrong? - No.
 * I thought I forgot something.
 * Of course.
 * I look like Santa’s magic janitor.
 * Nonsense.
 * You look like a million bucks.
 * And you were right.
 * The pipe main seams on the explorer model were too showy.
 * This one is elegantly understated and the color has a dancer flair to it.
 * - How does it fit in the seat? - Pop! There are people around! You’ll want a sleek profile yet roomy.
 * A properly fit speedsuit should crotch at least six inches below your natural inseam.
 * - Can I take this off now? - How is everything going? - Will you be taking that? - No.
 * Yes, ma’am! And don’t bother wrapping it up.
 * The future super scientist will be wearing it out.
 * Magnificent.
 * Finally someone who understands that serration is only good for bread.
 * That is so great.
 * You know how we shall celebrate? Yes! Dinner party.
 * I will begin a marinade tonight.
 * We shall invite Manta Claus and Animus.
 * No, wait.
 * That’s awkward.
 * Phantom, honestly.
 * I am finding this so hard to care about.
 * You have to feel the heft to really appreciate it.
 * Shopkeeper, the lady would like to inspect the WÃ¼sthofs! Well, I’m gonna get a nosh.
 * You coming? And suffer the embarrassment of not having enough pickle forks for the party? No, my queen.
 * There is much to procure.
 * - Because mine got broken, that’s why.
 * - Jeez.
 * - How did that happen? - I don’t know, Hank.
 * Probably when somebody was playing with it.
 * Go on! - Come on with that! - Sorry, sir.
 * Yeah, keep walking.
 * He crept away! Hi.
 * I forgive you.
 * - What do you think you’re doing? - Butterfly kisses.
 * Learned it in prison.
 * What, are you gonna pretend that we just accidentally ran into each other? You know, do that "Fancy meeting you here" routine?! No? I guess Could it be that you were tailing me in a gigantic floating cocoon? By the way, tell 24 that the cloak mode doesn’t work in fourth gear.
 * See? We need you! Come back! Everything is crazy! The henchmen cry themselves to sleep at night.
 * I think the cocoon is probably really busted, I don’t know, I can’t even tell.
 * There’s there’s just so many buttons.
 * So many buttons! - Cut to the chase, Monarch.
 * - Don’t you want to console me? Why do you want me back? Because your tree fort is falling apart or because you love me? Because I love you! Because Because when I’d lay my world-weary brow on your perfect breasts and feel the phlegmy rumble of your chest as you told me, "This is heaven" I believed you.
 * You can’t do that.
 * When you threw me out, I was devastated.
 * I would have come home if you asked me to.
 * Yes, I’m that stupid.
 * But you didn’t.
 * You called me a whore and you went back to your I’ll-get-you-Dr.-Venture shenanigans.
 * - Boss? - What do you want? - Code blue! - I want you to grow up! But it’s late now.
 * - You’ll never guess who just walked in! - Who? - You know damn well I’m staying - Dr. Venture.
 * - Holy crap! - What do you want us to do? - Move in!! - What? Move in with me! Do you want me to share the bedroom with you? No, don’t be an a-hole! I was talking to I was talking You were talking to who? To your henchmen.
 * I don’t believe I was falling for this! You haven’t changed at all! Let me tell you something about Limb.
 * He’s an animal Does he know this channel’s open? Who gave him the map? What the is up with this female? Ease up on him.
 * He’s been through a lot.
 * The man’s heart has been broken.
 * I am leaving! Call me when you can act like an adult.
 * I am an adult! - Let me go! - Please, just let me - Come on, Monarch.
 * - Stay for me.
 * Get your hands off of me.
 * I’m getting tired of this.
 * Monarch, unhand her this instant! Come on! You! #2 with fried rice, get down! There you are.
 * We’re almost ready.
 * Just had to swing by the Shoe Shack.
 * I spotted the perfect Italian ankle boots to complete Dean’s ensemble.
 * - Don’t say it.
 * - You look like the Mayor of Candy Land.
 * It’s an ambush.
 * Boys, get back! Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is that you do to me? Here I am like a kid out of school.
 * Holding hands with the goddess.
 * I’m a fool.
 * Son of a God! My glasses! Where are my glasses? Where are my glasses? Has anybody seen? Excuse me.
 * Oh, my God.
 * Thank What’s going I’m gonna throw up.
 * Only one shot at this.
 * You can do it, Duffy Moon! What the? You want some of this? Damn you, Nerf! What the hell was that? No! S! Mall cops! Henchmen! Retreat! I won’t let you keep her, Monarch.
 * Hello.
 * What’s this? What the? You’re probably wondering why I haven’t killed you.
 * I’m wondering where the hell I am.
 * The lair of the Phantom.
 * Behind these modest walls lies the most technologically advanced system of controlled evil in existence.
 * You, sir, are sitting smack dab in the middle of location "B" for the Guild of Calamitous Intent! You like doing that, don’t you? Yes.
 * Next to the "Behold a giant walking death ray" speech the "Welcome to hell" speech is my favorite.
 * No, don’t get up.
 * You’ve been shot.
 * Sadly, it wasn’t fatal.
 * I have removed the bullet.
 * And three others.
 * A blowgun dart, two shark’s teeth, the tip of a bayonet a twisted paper clip, and a meager handful of buckshot.
 * - You may want to learn how to duck.
 * - In a couple of minutes I’m gonna get up and pound your smug face into that armrest.
 * So why don’t you spend your last minutes of life telling me what went down? It seems that our mutual pest, The Monarch, has himself a death wish.
 * He operates in full costumed aggression without a Guild license.
 * His henchmen are using Level 5 offensive weapons for a Level 1 threat no offense to Dr. Venture, and he’s kidnapped my girlfriend.
 * - So, what are you gonna do about it? - Not me.
 * We.
 * I left out one small detail.
 * The Monarch also kidnapped your entire family.
 * The most reckless, graceless exhibition of henchmen that I’ve ever seen! You think you’re all a bunch of hotshot young Turk 182s, don’t you? Well, there are rules in this business! It’s about finesse.
 * You don’t just go in, guns a-blazing, willy-nilly.
 * Where did you get real guns anyway? Are those standard issue? Hand them over! What, is this funny to you? I said hand over your firearm, or I’ll be forced Wait a minute, hold up! - Who are you?! - Keep up! Where are you parked? - Where am I what? - Where’s your car? - I don’t have - We came in our bodyguard’s car, why? Because my ex-boyfriend, the idiot, kidnapped your father and Brock and probably my current beau.
 * And you two are gonna take me to him, now! Yes! Wait! How do you know Brock? Here it is! - Aren’t you gonna? - Hank, you drive! - I never drive mad.
 * - Brock would never let us drive his Don’t be such a candy-ass, Dean.
 * Get in the back.
 * - How do you know my name? - You heard the woman, candy-ass.
 * Wait a sec.
 * OK, get in.
 * How do you know all this stuff, lady?! I number two’d for Truckulese when I was first starting out.
 * I can hotwire anything.
 * No, I mean how did you know it was gonna Ten o’clock.
 * Two o’clock.
 * You can do this, Hank.
 * That pedal on your left, that’s the clutch.
 * Put your foot on it.
 * Now shift into first gear.
 * See that little diagram on the knob? With that little one on it? Wait a minute.
 * Are you our mommy? Nice.
 * It’s unbearable.
 * First, a mutiny, and now I can’t believe I’m sharing the same air as my sworn enemy! And I can’t even breathe! I’m drowning in my own hate! God, what is it with this obsession of yours? - What did I ever do to you? - How dare you?! As if you - Frankly, it’s beginning to get a bit old.
 * - And then to belittle my These two! I would love to smack that smug Oh, my God, guys.
 * Chill, chill! If we’re gonna get out of this alive you two are gonna have to put aside your differences and work together! Now, I think I got an idea.
 * If we can get our hands on some weapons, we can totally take these guys.
 * Yeah.
 * No, duh! But if, just if, we weren’t locked in a cell or haven’t you noticed? The armory’s on the other side of the cocoon! - We’d have to cross the Throne Room.
 * - Where those guys are.
 * Those scary guys.
 * OK.
 * We don’t even need the armory.
 * I’m talking about my own personal stash.
 * And we happen to be standing right under my room.
 * Trust me.
 * We can climb through the air ducts.
 * - There’s no way you’re fitting in that thing.
 * - Yeah, no.
 * You’re just too heavy.
 * - What the hell is that?! - Muscle growth accelerator.
 * Just a little nostalgic item from back when I was a scientific goody-goody.
 * Not unlike your Dr. Venture.
 * No, wait! I was good at it.
 * What is it with you dicks? The minute an experiment messes up you sell yourself a pair of tight pajamas, and become a professional pain in my - Turn that down! - Deal with it, tough guy.
 * And I don’t need a clumsy bully making a mess of this.
 * If this little incident gets out, my career is done for.
 * This will be handled surgically and quietly.
 * Yeah, we team up like Scully and Mulder and solve mysteries.
 * Been over this.
 * I know that you love playing make-believe but a lunatic has kidnapped my family and I’m going to do something about it! Not without me.
 * - There we go.
 * - "Good call on the WD-40" said The Monarch grudgingly.
 * - Never go anywhere without it.
 * But thanks.
 * - I have to admit, you proved us wrong.
 * Yeah, yeah.
 * Keep laughing while I totally emancipate you.
 * Gentlemen, choose your weapons.
 * - Is this them? - "Are these they?" - Who talks like that? - Out of the way! I am the leader here! I will distribute the - Are these they? - Yeah.
 * And you have to admit it is a pretty formidable collection.
 * You ing idiot! What the hell are we supposed to do with this crap? Make them laugh so hard they blow malt liquor out of their noses? No, I think you’ll have that covered when you storm the room in butterfly costumes.
 * Nice onesie, Dick.
 * Does it have snaps in the back, so you can make poopies? This is a speedsuit, mister.
 * Not a onesie! Maybe they’ll think you’re a three-year-old with progeria and take pity on us.
 * - In your face! - Would you stop that?! Look this is extra-amusing and everything, but we’ve got us a cocoon to take back! - With toys.
 * - Toys schmoys.
 * Check this action.
 * An official, licensed Lord of the Ring replica sword.
 * Now we’re talkin’! What are you doing!? That is mint in box! Not even a scar? Did you look around the nipple or the belly button? - Sometimes they put ‘em in through there.
 * - Look, she is all woman.
 * I’ve explored every inch of her and I found only nectar.
 * All right, fine.
 * Maybe The Monarch’s just better equipped.
 * You are strapping on an ultra-light gyropack.
 * They’re only issued to top-ranking Guild operatives.
 * - No, I mean better equipped.
 * - She was kidnapped, all right?! - Kidnapped! - I’m just sayin’.
 * - Are you ready? - How do you? Up, down, side, side.
 * Ready weapon.
 * Left hand, operate speed and targeting.
 * Just like a helicopter.
 * - Just like my kind of helicopter.
 * - Let’s go.
 * I thought for sure you were going to hit me with lock and load.
 * The night is still young! Left.
 * Turn left.
 * - I’m driving! - Yes, we know.
 * Mommy, how do you know where to go? I’m not your mommy! And I put a tracer on The Monarch when we were first dating.
 * Hank, take this right! I’m driving! I’m a driver! We know! Yeah, tracer.
 * You do stuff like that when you date Supervillains.
 * Where’d you put it? Is it in his brain, or is it like a secret tracer tooth? I hid it in my mouth and I jammed it up Honey, like I said you do some pretty strange things when you date Supervillains.
 * I’m still keeping this thing.
 * It’s the first net cannon I’ve used that actually works.
 * - They usually just mess up the guy’s hair.
 * - Prototype.
 * I’ll get you more net cartridges.
 * Thanks.
 * That killer hand is pretty cool.
 * Can you get me one of those? That’s all me.
 * The outcome of a botched experiment that made me evil.
 * I so called that.
 * So, we done here or what? It’s just those guys over there.
 * I want them to show you that twin double roll thing.
 * You’re mad, sir.
 * It can’t be done without a trampoline.
 * Wait.
 * Let me do this.
 * You’ll love this.
 * Follow my lead.
 * Classic.
 * Oh, sweet mercy! I’ve been rend asunder by your violence! Be merciful and finish me off.
 * Have a heart! Put one between his eyes! My God! Do I have to do it? Give me those guns! Well met.
 * You do that with his own finger.
 * - Yeah, it’s just one guy.
 * - You show-off.
 * My car.
 * I just fixed that! - My queen! - Brock! - Brock, I drove! - Boys, you’re all right! This is a joke! What the hell is going on here? Where’s Doc? What do you want me to do? Read their fortunes? They are Magic: The Gathering cards, not Tarot cards.
 * You can fuzz ‘em at their heads.
 * You catch a corner with one of those and they’ll know what hit them.
 * We’ll get our asses kicked.
 * We didn’t have a breakfast.
 * Gentlemen, it’s time we take back the cocoon.
 * Hands in the center.
 * Who would like to lead us in prayer? Smash puny humans.
 * Did you hear something? On three.
 * One, two! Three! Well, his vital signs seem to be fine.
 * You told me you never put a tracer on another man before.
 * Glad I wasn’t the first one through the door.
 * - Who are all these people? - Are they all mommy’s other boyfriends? Stop calling me your f mommy! Come on, don’t kill them.
 * From what I’ve gathered, The Monarch is only guilty of poor judgment and not being able to get over me.
 * As you wish, my queen.
 * He is only a man and no man is immune to your charm.
 * "No man." I’m still lookin’ for scars on her.
 * What? I’m a Supervillain.