Bunny Therapy

Frankie: Out here in the Middle, cheerleaders and football players have been dating since the dawn of time.

They go together like jell-o and fruit cocktail, cheese and crackers, mayo and... well, everything.

Oh, hi.

What are you guys doing here?

And you are...

Sue.

Axl's sister.

I don't think so.

No, no. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a sister.

He doesn't have a sister, right, Court?

No, he has a brother, though.

He's cute. You should meet him...

I have met him, because he's my brother, as is Axl.

One sec.

Why are you talking to them?

They don't know I'm your sister.

And I'm working very hard to keep it that way.

They're cheerleaders, and you're... whatever this is. Now leave.

You're Sue-ing up the place.

No.

This is my house, too, Axl, and I can go wherever I want.

Oh, my god.

It's my senior year, and I just started dating a hot blonde cheerleader, and now Sue's out There saying she knows me.

So?

What do you want me to do about it?

Oh, I don't know. How about a little parenting?

Like locking her in the basement, or sending her to some bible camp to pray the dork away!

Look, it's enough that I said I'd stay in here while your friends are over.

I'm not gonna make Sue do it, too.

One of us is gonna be out there.

Pick one. Me or Sue?

Forget it. We're going to a movie.

Axl, you should know, there's a sad girl who's lost in your house.

Oh, hey, mom, I wanted to talk to you about what I'm gonna try out for this fall.

Uh-huh?

I was thinking I shouldn't try out for anything.

Maybe I should just save myself for wrestlerettes.

Oh, thank god... that you're gonna be spending more time with us.

Yay!

But don't worry. I am not just going to squander my time.

I am going to use it to try to learn a cartwheel.

[Breathing heavily]

Okay.

[Thud]

Well, I have good news and bad news.

It's never good news-good news, is it? (Fizzes)

Never here.

Sue has decided not to try out for anything this fall.

Hey. She's finally given up. That is good news.

The bad news is, I got an e-mail from Ms. Tompkins, Brick's social skills teacher?

I guess she wants to meet with us.

Again?

When is that woman gonna realize she's underpaid, and check out?

What is it this time?

Could be anything.

Although, you know what, when I think about it, lately, he hasn't been that bad.

When's the last time he whispered?

Three weeks, right?

Wait. Maybe she's calling us in to tell us he's moving up to the yellow group.

Hey. Good news-good news. High five.

Mm!

So... I'm guessing you know why you're here.

We think we have a pretty good idea.

Right. It's about Brick's tic.

Yep. Three weeks.

I know. That's why I'm so concerned.

You're concerned he hasn't whispered in three weeks?

Oh, no. I'm not talking about the whispering, I'm talking about the new tic. I'm sure you two have noticed.

(High-pitched voice) Whoop.

Whoop.

I don't think we've ever changed the batteries.

Whoop.

(Cell phones beep)

So no yellow group, then?

Oh, God, no. See, with the new tic, Brick's issues have moved out of my area of expertise, so I'm wondering how you'd feel if I looped in my colleague, the school therapist.

A therapist?

Oh, I don't know about--

Fortunately, Dr. Fulton just happened to be free this period.

(Chair wheels rolling)

Hi. Chuck Fulton.

Oh, wow. She said your name, and here you are, almost as if you'd been waiting.

(Chuckles) - Frankie Heck.

Hi.

Mike Heck.

Hi.

Hey, guys, I've taken the opportunity over this past week to observe your Brick in the classroom, and I concur that he shows some reluctance in engaging with his peers.

They'll try to talk to him, and he just sort of wanders away.

Ever talk to kids his age? Not that interesting.

(Under breath) - Mike.

And the whooping.

Yeah, that... (Laughs)

That's a fresh one, even for me.

Now he could be whooping for any number of reasons.

I mean, it could be the sign of a serious mental illness... or something simple.

We just don't know.

But my gut is telling me that what we're dealing with here is an attachment disorder.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're elevating his quirk to a disorder now?

No worries, mom and dad.

We've got a lot of weapons in our arsenal to try and treat this.

Drugs? You wanna put him on drugs?

Whoa! (Laughs)

Easy, mom.

We're not allowed to go there first anymore.

No, I think we can start Brick with something as simple as a pet.

A pet?

Oh, no. He kills pets.

Oh.

But not on purpose. Mostly accidental.

Oh.

It's neglect, really.

And he feels bad. I mean, he doesn't cry.

Not like a serial killer.

I know they don't cry, either.

They don't have any empathy for their victims.

Like Brick, but he--

Okay. That's noted.

The basic idea is that he learns to bond with the pet, and then he learns to bond with people.

It's all part of a multipronged approach.

Sounds expensive. How many prongs we talking here?

Well, we were thinking to supplement the great work that Laura's doing here with some biweekly sessions with me.

I could conduct the sessions on the playground, over a game of hacky sack.

Look, I appreciate everyone's concerns, but we're not the kind of family that needs therapy.

Quick. Close the door.

The most amazing thing happened today.

The mascot for the Thundering Hens got juvenile shingles, so now they're holding tryouts for a new mascot!

Ha ha!

Well, it just goes to show ya, sometimes when God shuts a door, he opens a window.

And sometimes God just wants you to do nothing for a while.

I have to practice everything with this box on my head until it all seems normal.

Yes! Thank you!

Finally made Sue wear a box on her head.

I've been pushing this for years!

Shut up, Axl!

(Sighs)

(Brick, in distance) Whoop.

You don't think Brick needs a therapist, do you?

I mean, sure, we didn't jump on the whispering thing right away, but I think we can get out in front of this one.

It's only his second tic.

You're forgetting the ketchup packets.

Ketchup packets were a phase, not a tic.

Sue: Nobody help me.

I need to learn to get up on my own.

So... we hanging out after school?

Can you do after school, Court?

I can do after school. We'll be there.

(Indistinct conversations)

Every time I try to get Courtney alone, Debbie is always there.

Wait. I thought you were dating Debbie.

What? No, I'm dating Courtney.

Uh, I don't think so.

Why would you say that?

'Cause everybody at school thinks you're dating Debbie.

Well, then, everybody at school is wrong.

Are you sure?

Yeah, Darrin.

I think I know who I'm dating. It's Courtney.

(TV playing indistinctly) Man, it doesn't get much better than this.

Chillin' out, watching "The Avengers," dating the hottest girl in school.

Oh, that's sweet.

Isn't that sweet, Court?

So sweet. Isn't he the best?

He is. I don't think there's ever been a better boyfriend.

Never a better boyfriend.

I have no idea who I'm dating.

What do you mean, you don't know who you're dating?

I don't know, okay?

They were both acting like they were dating me.

It was weird.

Who'd you ask out?

That would at least eliminate one.

I thought I called Courtney, but maybe I called Debbie instead.

I just don't know anymore!

Come on. We can figure this out.

Which one seems to like you better?

I can't tell 'cause they're always together.

I mean, I assume I'd go for the blonde, but Debbie's really been riding me lately, so maybe she's my girlfriend.

Which one have you been making out with?

Oh... my... God.

Three weeks, you haven't even kissed one?

Maybe you're dating Darrin.

He could do worse.

I'm kind, and I always show up on time.

I haven't been making out yet 'cause I'm never alone with whoever it is I'm dating!

Ugh! Man, I gotta figure this out.

Homecoming's this weekend.

I can't afford to take both of them.

Look, just ask the right questions, and the answer will reveal itself.

Huh.

All right.

So after agreeing we were smarter than a therapist, Mike and I went about fixing Brick's tic in the way only loving parents can do.

Whoop.

Knock it off.

Whoop.

(Honks)

Whoop. (Honks)

Whoop. (Honks)

Whoop.

Stop it!

Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it!

Look, Brick, we got you a bunny.

Why?

Oh, no reason.

(High-pitched voice) Whoop.

(Thud)

(Gasps)

Oh... my... God. You got us a bunny?!

Aah! I can't believe it!

Whoo!

What are you doing?

I'm practicing.

As a mascot, I have to exaggerate all of my movements.

I just love him so much.

I thought we were getting something smaller.

(Sighs) We were, but they were out of gerbils, and I didn't want to go back.

Sue, get away from the bunny. It's Brick's bunny.

How come Brick gets a bunny?

Because he's the youngest, and there are things you got that he didn't, and now we've even.

No, she can have it.

(Gasps) Thank you so much, Brick.

Oh! He is so cute!

I just love him so, so much!

(Gasps) I'm gonna name him "Bugs."

No, you're not naming it "Bugs."

It's Brick's bunny. He's gonna name him.

"Bugs" is fine.

Look! Look! They got Brick a bunny.

What? How come he gets a bunny and I don't?

(Lowered voice) 'Cause Brick needs help and you don't, so Brick gets a bunny!

Oh, so he does weird stuff and gets things?

I can do weird stuff.

Ooh! Aah! Blah-huh-hoo! Ow!

Now get me a car.

So the next day, Axl put his plan into action.

So, who am I dropping off first? (Chuckles)

You can just drop us both at my house.

We're having a sleepover.

Of course you are.

(Engine starts)

Well, I guess if everyone's here for the mascot tryouts, we'll get started.

(Indistinct conversations)

Put on the head.

Oh! (Laughs)

(Exhales)

There are those moments in life when the stars align and everything just falls into place.

And with nobody else trying out, this was one of those moments...

Ah! Ha ha ha!

If only Sue weren't Sue.

(Man over PA) Attention, students-- because of low turnout, we are extending mascot tryouts. Anyone is welcome. Anyone. Anyone at all. Seriously. Anyone.

Brick, what are you doing?

You're supposed to be bonding with your bunny.

There's something wrong with it.

I think it has issues.

(High-pitched voice) Whoop.

Come on. There's nothing wrong with him.

He's a sweet, soft, cuddly bunny.

He wasn't.

(Snorts, hisses)

(Gasps)

At first, we thought the bunny was just scared of us.

Now look, Brick, you just gotta learn how to handle it.

Now you don't wanna startle him.

(Growls) Aah! Son of a--

Whoop.

And then we thought maybe he was just hungry.

Well, we know he doesn't like pop tarts, but he certainly has a taste for human flesh. (Thud)

It wasn't long before we realized the bunny wasn't scared of us.

We were scared of him.

I am expecting a super important phone call, so nobody use the phone.

Because if nobody shows up to try out by 5:00, I am the new Thundering Hen! Aah!

Oh, my God, it's out. (Gasps)

It's out of its cage!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

All right! All right! Everybody stay calm!

I'll take care of this.

Brick, why is the bunny loose? It was your responsibility!

I think you just answered your own question.

Mike: - I see it!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Frankie: - There he goes!

Sucker's fast!

(Telephone ringing)

(Gasps) Oh, my God! Oh, no! That's for me!

That's the mascot call!

Axl, go over there and throw me the phone! (Ringing)

No way! I'm a football player! I need my legs!

Wha-- ugh!

I see him! Right there! Right there! Right there!

Ooh! Ha!

Got him cornered! Give me something to pick him up with!

Here, here, here, here, here.

Damn it! Stay still, you little rodent!

Dad, a rabbit is technically a mammal.

Not now, Brick.

Aah! Get it! Get it!

What do you think I'm trying to do?

I'm coming! I'm coming! (Ringing continues)

Aah! Don't hang up!

Aah! Ugh!

(Ring)

(Panting)

(Ring)

(Calmly) Hello?

Okay, that's it. That's it right there.

Just grab it! Just grab it!

You wanna do this?

I got it! I'm the Thundering Hen!

I got him! I got the little b*st*rd.

Oh, yay.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow, ow, ow, ow!

(Rabbit snorts and hisses)

(Door slams)

If you'd have just gotten a goldfish, he'd be dead already.

(Indistinct conversations)

Hey.

So I was thinking, homecoming dance might be more fun if we double dated.

Oh, wow, that would be fun. Wouldn't it, Deb?

Totally. Sounds good to me, Court.

Sweet. Now you wouldn't happen to know of anyone who might wanna go with my friend?

He is really cool.

I might know a certain cheerleader...

(Singsongy) who would love to go with him. (Giggles)

Sarah, we found you a date!

You're going to the homecoming dance with Sarah.

Bottom-of-the-pyramid Sarah?

Had to be done.

Just another casualty in this crazy game I'm playing.

(Exhales deeply)

Once the bunny was in the bathroom, he stayed there.

Kind of like Mike on a Sunday.

(Hisses)

(Both, singsongy) Occupied.

Okay. This is enough.

I need to know that I can go into my bathroom without hot cheerleaders being in there.

Yes, I'm that old.

Bugs has gotta go.

We can't. The stupid thing has gotta bond with Brick.

Brick barely bonded with me.

He's not bonding with psycho bunny.

Dr. Fulton says if he can learn to relate to the bunny, he can learn to relate to people.

Why are we making him do this?

What's so great about people?

Because Brick needs to learn how to attach.

Why? All he wants to do is read.

That's not true. Brick wants to feel a part of things.

Brick wants to whoop, read a book, and be left alone.

I'm his mom. I think I know what Brick wants.

How do you know what Brick wants? Have you ever asked him?

No. No, I have not. Wow.

We never talk to Brick about... anything.

Maybe we should talk to him.

Maybe we should.

I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

He gets another tic?

It's not like we'd notice it, anyway.

Yeah.

(Axl over PA) Attention all students-- will Axl Heck's girlfriend please report to the main office.

ASAP... or sooner.

I got your message, Axl.

A crow outside my window said you would contact me today.

Are we going to homecoming?

No!

Okay.

See you at prom.

(Door opens and closes)

So, Brick, as parents, your dad and I often talk about what's best for you.

But we realize we don't always include you in these talks.

I appreciate your candor.

I think I'm mature enough to be involved.

(High-pitched voice) Whoop.

So I'm just gonna lay it out for you.

Here goes.

I don't think it's a secret that you are unique, and we want you to stay unique.

But not so unique that you get labeled as... too unique.

I think what we're trying to figure out is, why do you think you have trouble connecting with people?

Hmm. That's an interesting question.

Well, I don't know.

Could be 'cause you brought home the wrong baby and I was nursed by a strange woman.

I mean, that might leave a scar.

Well, Brick, you were a baby.

There's no way you could remember that.

Yeah.

Yeah. Uh-huh. That's true.

Well, maybe it's 'cause you guys don't really spend any time with me.

We're... busy.

And yet not too busy to watch Dance Moms.

Well, Brick, we're spending time with you now, and you're still whooping, so...

I don't know. There's just so many things.

We never really have any nutritious meals.

That could be it.

We don't have set bedtimes. Kids need structure.

We beg for stuff, and you cave.

That doesn't establish boundaries.

Look, the point is, you do enough weird stuff.

You don't need another one.

Knock off the whooping.

The whooping?

That's what this is about?

I thought it was about the other thing.

The whispering?

No. I have to say the pledge of allegiance 20 times before I go to bed.

(Whispers) Pledge of allegiance.

Awesome.

Sue had finally achieved her dream of becoming a Thundering Hen.

And to say she was excited was an understatement.

(Panting)

(Man over PA) - Ladies and gentlemen...

Aah!

...give it up for your Thundering Hens!

Hey!

Hey! There she is!

Sue: Aah!

(Crowd) Ohh!

Oh, God, I can't look. Did she get up?

Yep, she popped right up.

(Cheers and applause, drums beating)

All right. There you go.

That's the spirit.

All right!

Wow! Good job, Sue!

It's 4th and goal with 3 seconds left on the clock.

The Hens gotta go for the touchdown to win!

(Cheering)

(Cheering subsides)

This was it. The final play.

You could hear a pin drop.

Until...

(High-pitched voice) Whoop.

Hey, you guys wanna shut your kid up?

He's been doing that the whole game. It's annoying.

(Mouths words)

(Mouths words)

Whoop!

What? That's how we cheer.

It's just a family thing. It's not weird. Whoop!

(High-pitched voice) Whoop!

Whoop!

Whoop!

Whoop!

Whoop, whoop!

Whoop!

Whoop!

Whoop, whoop!

Whoop!

Axl: Hike!

(Cheering)

And... he's in there!

(Cheering) Axl Heck has scored the winning touchdown!

The Hens have pulled off a squeaker!

What a great game!

There you go.

It was a great moment for Axl and an even greater moment for Sue.

Yeah! (Laughs)

The only difference was, everybody knew who Axl was and what he had done, but they didn't know who Sue was.

Aah! (Laughs)

She was like a superhero.

When she was in plainclothes, she was just Sue.

But when she was in the mascot suit, she could do anything.

Yep, so far, homecoming had been a big success.

But Axl still had a little unfinished business.

(Clears throat)

Okay. Here's the corsage right here.

So come and get it... you.

A wrist corsage?

Oh. We don't wear those.

We don't. They leave marks on your wrists.

He's so sweet, though.

Isn't he?

(Indistinct conversations) (Thud)

♪

(Exhales deeply)

Well? Man, you still don't know?

You better hurry. We're about to leave for the dance.

That's it. I'm just going for it and picking one.

I got a 60/40 chance, so, uh...

Courtney!

Axl!

Ow.

(Murmuring)

Uh...

Debbie!

Ooh.

What?

That was totally inappropriate.

Totally.

Hold on. Why are you mad?

'Cause you're my girlfriend's best friend, or because you're my girlfriend, and I kissed you inappropriately in front of your best friend?

Wait! Don't go!

One of you is really important to me!

So the bunny didn't exactly fix Brick, but it did bring us closer together in a way we never expected.

The thing is, life is messy, but you gotta keep trying.

Look, I'm just really into you, and I think it'd be awesome to get back together.

Or go out for the first time.

Hello?

Hello?

It's a multipronged approach.