The Convention Conundrum


 * Sheldon: Hey, Los Angeles! I'm on a Ferris wheel with Darth Vader, and he's nicer than you think!
 * James Earl Jones: I am!


 * James Earl Jones: What were you trying to ask me at the strip club?
 * Sheldon: How much does it cost to get them off my lap?


 * Sheldon: My friends and I couldn't get into Comic-Con this year, and I was trying to start my own convention, and I was going to ask if you'd be a panelist.
 * James Earl Jones: Why don't you and your friends come to Comic-Con with me?
 * Sheldon: Really?
 * James Earl Jones: Of course. And San Diego is straight across the border from my favorite city on earth, TIJUANA! Where I'm taking you every night!
 * Sheldon: Ay-ay-ay.
 * James Earl Jones: Ay-ay-ay bang bang!


 * Penny: I can’t believe Leonard is spending hundreds of dollars on scalped tickets.
 * Amy: Last week, you spent that on a little dress.
 * Penny: Yeah, but those tickets only get him into Comic-Con. That dress gets me into anywhere I want.
 * Bernadette: Those tickets were pretty expensive. I had to give Howie an advance on his allowance. (grunts crossly) Now he’s never gonna put his toys away.
 * Amy: Why can’t they do something sensible like Sheldon and start their own comic book convention? Also, who wants to throw me out that window?
 * Bernadette: Well, while they’re acting like teenagers, we could do something grown-up.
 * Amy: Oh. You mean like a museum?
 * Penny: Yes, like a museum, but anything else.
 * Bernadette: Oh, I know. There’s a nice hotel not far from here where they do afternoon tea.
 * Amy: Ooh, afternoon tea, how sophisticated of us.
 * Penny: Oh, all right, if we’re gonna be fancy, I should probably put on clean underwear.
 * Bernadette: La-dee-da, look who has clean underwear.
 * Penny: No, we’re gonna stop at Target on the way.


 * Amy: There sure are a lot of little kids here.
 * Penny: I can’t believe we thought this would makes us feel grown up.
 * Bernadette: I can’t believe the waiter thought I was your daughter.
 * Amy: Well, last time I got dressed up and had tea was when I was five. Just me, my teddy bear, Raggedy Ann and my hamster.
 * Bernadette: That’s cute.
 * Amy: It was. Till my hamster ate all her babies. It got less cute really fast.
 * Bernadette: Should we leave?
 * Penny: Well, there’s a bar in the lobby.
 * Bernadette: I could go for a drink.
 * Amy: Aw. Drinking in the afternoon, just like her mommy. (clicks her tongue)


 * Penny: So, afternoon tea was a bust.
 * Amy: On the bright side, every six-year-old there was jealous of my tiara. Not gonna lie, it felt good.
 * Penny: Let me ask you a question, when did you guys start feeling grown up? ‘Cause I am not sure I do.
 * Bernadette: Honestly, I thought when I got married I would, but I still kind of feel like I’m pretending. It doesn’t help that most of my clothes come from Gap Kids.
 * Penny: Okay, so I’m an adult, and the other day I saw an old man slip and fall down, and I laughed. I mean, I laughed hard. Like, like, out loud. If he was conscious, he would’ve heard me.
 * Amy: Gosh.
 * Penny: I know. One of the tennis balls came off his walker and bounced right off his head. I mean, I, I almost wet myself. I guess you had to be there.
 * Amy: I think I have you both beat. Imagine trying to feel like a grown-up when you’ve never even been with a man.
 * Penny: Okay, sex is not what makes you a grown-up.
 * Bernadette: Yeah. Or you’d be the oldest one here.
 * Penny: Really? Is that how you talk to your mother?


 * Penny: I mean, really, what’s so great about being grown up?
 * Bernadette: Well, for starters, we’d be splitting this check three ways.
 * Penny: I’m serious. Who wants to do all that stuff? Have insurance, pay mortgages, leave one of those little notes when you hit a parked car.
 * Amy: I told you it was Penny.
 * Penny: Oh, come on, it wasn’t me. Anyone could have knocked your mirror off, or whatever happened.
 * Amy: Maybe the guys are right. I mean, we spent the whole night trying to be mature, and it was kind of boring. I’m sure they’re having more fun than we are.


 * James Earl Jones: Let me guess. You like "Star Wars".

(Sheldon nods yes)
 * James Earl Jones: You know, I've been in other movies.

(Sheldon nods yes)
 * James Earl Jones: But you don't care about those, do you?

(Sheldon nods no)
 * James Earl Jones: I have one thing to say to people like you. I like "Star Wars" too. Care to join me?
 * Sheldon: Thank you. My friend Leonard said if I bothered you while you were eating, you'd think I was a creepy stalker.
 * James Earl Jones: Well, your friend Leonard sounds like a real weeny.
 * Sheldon: He is, Mr. Earl Jones. He is!


 * Carrie Fisher: It's not funny anymore, James!
 * James Earl Jones: Then why am I laughing? (laughing)


 * James Earl Jones: So, Beau Bridges is on my shoulders, and Jeff Bridges is on Marlon Brando's shoulders, and remember, we do not have permission to be in the pool... Hey, Sheldon, wake up! And Angie Dickinson is about to sic the dogs on us, and I go under the water and Marlon goes under the water, and the water raises about two feet and sloshes all over her patio and the dogs freak out and run like hell and then we run like hell. Oh, boy, that was a lot of fun!
 * Sheldon: Um, who's Angie Dickinson?