Twas The Day Before Christmas

'TWAS THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS (Episode 50) ''Musical score by Steve Bernstein. Words by Randy Rogel and Tom Ruegger.'' Slappy: Skippy! You should have been asleep hours ago. Skippy: I know, Aunt Slappy, but I can't sleep; I keep hearing Santa's sleigh. Slappy: Ah, that's just the LAPD choppers. Santy's not coming until you're        asleep, kiddo, so get to bed. Skippy: But I'm not tired! Tell me a story, pleeease! Slappy: Ah, for the love of Al Gore... All right -- one story, then dreamland, OK? Skippy: Promise! Slappy: OK, let's see... Oh! You wanna hear about the time I stuffed live piranha down the pants of Sonny Tufts? Skippy: No! A Christmas story! Slappy: Sonny was drinking egg nog at the time...! Skippy: No, Aunt Slappy. Just read. Slappy: All right already, Mister Story Editor. Sheesh! [hawks] Skippy: Speeew! Slappy: Ahem. "The Day Before Christmas": Slappy: 'Twas the day before Christmas, in winter's deep freeze But in Burbank, L.A., it was ninety degrees. Now, tonight is the night Santa comes to the lot Bringing presents for Yakko, Wakko, and Dot. The kids were excited; they rushed to prepare But others looked on with a growing despair. Plotz : These gifts for the Warners, someone's got to see to it        They must be delivered; I want you to do it. DrSns : But I did it last year, or have you forgot Those kids drove me bonkies, and kissed me a lot. They made me stay up singing carols all night And then I got creamed in that big pillow fight. Nurse : But why bring them presents, when Santa will do? Plotz : It's a clause in their contract: if we don't, they can sue. There must be a person who'll deliver this stuff But where can I find someone stupid enough? Ralph : Duh, good night, Mr. Costner; go ahead, pass on by        Merry Christmas. Mindy :                  Okay, I love ya, bye-bye! Ralph : Good night, Mr. Hippo. Flavio:                        Good night to you, too Marita: Come along, Flavio; we've more shopping to do! Runt : I'm hungry. Rita :              Be quiet! We don't want to get caught There might be some trash cans with food on the lot. Ralph : Duh, good night, Mr. Keaton; that's a lovely sedan Plotz : Give him a Santa suit! Ralph is our man! Yakko : So, 'twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Dot  : Some creatures were stirring, Wakko :                              including a mouse. Brain : Tonight, my dear Pinky, our plan is unfurled We steal Santa's sleigh and take over the world! Pinky : Brain, you're a genius. You simply [whack!] astound me Brain : Aaaaaaaahhhh! Pinky :               Narf! Brain's gonna pound me. Dot  : The stockings were hung so our names clearly showed Wakko : In the hopes that old Santa would leave a big load! Yakko : Mwah! Goodnight everybody! Yakko : The children were nestled all fast in their beds Wakko : While visions of sugarplums danced in our heads. Wakko : [munch] Deee-licious! Yakko : We were all feeling tired when we turned out the light [click...] [...click] Forget it; there's no way I'm sleeping tonight. Dot  : When out on the lot there arose such a rumble Yakko : We sprang from our beds Wakko :                         and we all took a tumble. Yakko : And what to our wondering eyes did we view...? Dot  : But a cat and a dog in the garbage -- peyoo! Yakko : Then, to our surprise, we heard distant banters Of a miniature sleigh and eight pigeons with antlers. Pesto : I'm dying here, ooh! Squit :                      This sure ain't no fun Bobby : The guy in the suit, he must weigh a ton! Dot  : With a little old driver so lively and quick Wakko : We knew in a moment it must be St. Nick! Ralph : Duh, now Bobby, now Squit, now Pesto, now Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid! On Richard and Nixon! To the top of the tower, come on now, let's fly! Pesto : I just got a hernia thanks to this guy! Yakko : So up to the rooftop, Santa was hurled! Brain : As soon as it lands, we'll take over the world! [wham, stomp] Pinky, I am in considerable pain Pinky : Narf! Zort! Poit! Gat! I'm with you, Brain. Yakko : It was a time of excitement; the moment drew near Dot  : There was no doubt about it; Wakko :                             Santa was here! Squit : Your antlers look cute, Pesto. Pesto :                                All right, that's it! [fights] Bobby : Ho, Pesto, it's Christmas; quit whackin' on Squit! Yakko : And while the pigeons with antlers were having their kicks Santa fell through the roof like a sack full of bricks. Dot  : He was dressed all in fur, with a glaze in his eyes 'Cause the fall knocked him silly. Ralph :                                    Uh, Happy Easter, you guys! Wakko : His face, how it twinkled! His dimples, how merry! Dot  : His cheeks were like roses. Yakko :                             His gut, that was scary. Wakko : He spoke not a word, but instead went right to it        He emptied his bag. Ralph :                     Uh, that ought to do it! Yakko : Then laying a finger inside of his nose Yakko : Which the dear network censor finds totally gross. Wakko : Lumbering, up the tree trunk he rose! Dot  : He sprang to his sleigh, and signalled the flock Ralph : Duh, giddyup birdies! Yakko :                       Then they dropped like a rock. Wakko : And we heard him exclaim, from up high in the sky Santa : Season's greetings to all! Yakko :                            And we saw him fly by. Runt : Thanks Santa! Rita :                We mean it! Runt :                             Yeah, thanks a whole lot! Santa : And Merry Christmas to Yakko, Wakko, and Dot! Skippy: And Merry Christmas, Aunt Slappy, and to you girls and boys As for me...[yawn]...I'm going downstairs to open my toys!!!