Katnappe!

Jack: I thought we had a good thing going here Wuya. You sense the Shen Gong Wu, I pick them up with solid hands.

Katnappe: Uh, hello? I've got hands. Two of them.

Jack: Stay out of this Ashley.

Katnappe: My evil name's Katnappe, doofus.

Jack: Who you calling' doofus, Kitty Litter?

Katnappe: Who you calling' Kitty Litter, Robo-freak?

Wuya: Enough! Cease your bickering.

Jack: Point is, we don't need her to rule the world. We're doing fine.

Wuya: Fine you say? Then where is the Eye of Dashi?

Jack: Well, I uh-

Wuya: Where is the Two-Ton Tunic?

Jack: Funny you should ask, maybe-

Wuya: Where are the Golden Tiger Claws?

Jack: Okay, so I've had some bad luck.

Katnappe: Face it, you need Katnappe. [PURRS]

Omi: Please hurry, Kimiko. I cannot wait to see the Tiger Claws in action.

Kimiko: Cool your jets, Omi.

Raimundo: Let me get this straight. These claws can transport you anywhere in the world, right?

Clay: That's the story.

Kimiko: Golden Tiger Claws! Woah! What a veiw. The temple. This so rocks! [ECHOS] Now, back to the temple.

Omi: How was it? Where did you go? What was it like? Did you bring me a present?

Kimiko: In order. Tight. On top. A little breezy, and sorry, no. You're up, Clay.

Clay: Any words of wisdom before I give 'em a whirl?

Kimiko: Just decide where you want to go, and the claws take you there. And keep your hands inside the tunnel at all times.

Clay: Golden Tiger Claws!

Omi: Oh! Where do you think he is going?

Raimundo: Some place with an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Clay: Woo-ee! No place like Billy Bob's Texas Style All-You-Can-Eat Buffet.

Omi: My turn! My turn!

Raimundo: Ha Ha! Too slow. Tiger Claws!

Omi: Hey! Not fair!

Raimundo: Want these?

Omi: Hiya!

Raimundo: Oops. Here you go.

Omi: Hiya!

Raimundo: Look, in front of Omi. Behind Omi. To the left of- whoa!

Clay: Hold your horses, pardner.

Kimiko: It's Omi's turn.

Clay: Give the little fella a chance.

Omi: While I appreciate your help, I must point out that I am not little. I am small-boned.

Clay: Oh. My mistake, little um, pardner.

Omi: At last. The Golden Tiger Claws are mine to wield. Golden Tiger Cla-

Dojo: Stop everything! We got a hot one.

Master Fung: A new Shen Gong Wu has revealed itself.

Omi: Ugh. Talk about rotted timing.

Kimiko: Rotten timing.

Omi: That too.

Raimundo: What's up with the glowing X?

Kimiko: They're chopsticks.

Master Fung: The Changing Chopsticks are wondrous Shen Gong Wu. They can shrink you down to the size of a grain of rice.

Raimundo: Oooh. Real scary.

Dojo: Hey, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. So, the smaller they are, uh-

Raimundo: The lighter they fall?

Dojo: Yeah, that's it. Yeah, right.

Omi: If we are lucky, maybe I will use the Golden Tiger Claws in a Xiaolin Showdown. Let us remove the lead.

Kimiko: Let the lead out.

Omi: That too.

[ ]

Jack: Okay, Katnappe, you want to find the Changing Chopsticks, huh? Well check this. Personal robotized army. All part of the Jack Spicer evil package.

Katnappe: I didn't bring robots, just my kittens.

[MEOWING]

Jack: [LAUGHS] Kittens? What could they-

[HISSING]

Jack: [SCREAMS]

Katnappe: Oh, did I mention they're genetically altered super kittens?

Jack: Uh, no. That didn't come up.

Wuya: Delicious, Katnappe. Simply delicious. Now, find me the Changing Chopsticks.

Katnappe: I'm so on it. Meow.

[MEOWING]

Omi: Who is that?

Kimiko: And what's with the tacky costume?

Raimundo: Yo, girl. Seen a mirror lately?

Katnappe: Hey, these your sticks?

Wuya: Well done, Katnappe. It's good to know I can count on someone.

Jack: [WHIMPERS]

Katnappe: It's not like it's brain surgery.

Wuya: [GASPS] Omi!

Katnappe: [HISSES]

Omi: Yes, Wuya. You and your minions shall not escape with this Shen Gong Wu. I challenge you, uh, name please?

Katnappe: Katnappe.

Omi: Katnappe, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown.

Katnappe: Okay.

Jack: Ha! Katnappe can't do a showdown, she's Shen Gong Wu-less. If that's a word.

Wuay: Which is why you will give her yours.

Jack: So not.

Wuya: Hand over the fist of Tebigong.

Jack: Only because I think this will teach you a lesson. Better not lose it.

Katnappe: Doofus.

Jack: What's the challenge, Omi?

Omi: A game of tag.

Katnappe: Tag? Me-ow.

Omi: Let's go! Xiaolin Showdown! I must warn you, with my Tiger Claws, I can disappear, and then reappear in the blink of an eye. Your fist of Tebigong will be of no use. I shall win very fast.

Katnappe: Bleh bleh-bleh bleh-bleh How do we start this thing?

Jack: She doesn't even know how to Showdown.

Wuya: Hush, boy.

Omi: We start like this. Gong yi tan psi!

Katnappe: Fist of Tebigong.

Omi: Ah!

Katnappe: Tiger Claws! Tag. You lose. Ha! look at me, I won. Very fast. Ha! [PURRS]

Dojo: What happened? I blinked and missed it.

Wuya: Well done, Katnappe. Well done!

Jack: Well done, Katanppe. Well done!

Wuya: My dear girl, there is much evil for me to teach you.

Jack: But- But I'm your evil favorite!

Wuya: Not anymore. In fact, with Katnappe by my side, I don't need you and your mindless robotic contraptions.

Jack: Hey, hey don't insult them. They've got emotion chips.

Wuya: Come with me, Katnappe. Together we will rule the world.

Katnappe: Uh, nice offer and all, but I don't want to rule the world.

Wuya: What?

Katnappe: Well, not with you, at least. I mean, bossy much? And Jack? Ick! Whiny little weirdo.

Jack: I am not!

Katnappe: Whatever, I'm out. But, I will keep these, they accessorize really well. Golden Tiger Claws!

Wuya: No!

Jack: Well, who's your evil favorite now? Do I hear Jack Spicer?

[ ]

Omi: I have failed. Failure is the road I now walk.

Kimiko: Don't beat yourself up, Omi. Sure it would've been nice to get those chopsticks, but-

Omi: Chopsticks? Oh, oh yes, the Changing Chopsticks. I am upset because I lost them. My sorrow has nothing to do with the much more impressive Golden Tiger Claws.

Raimundo: Good cover. We completely bought it.

Kimiko: The point is, you lost. It happens. Just move on.

Master Fung: On the contrary, Kimiko. There are no lessons in victory, but a thousand in defeat.

Omi: How can that be true master?

Clay: Don't make no sense to me.

Master Fund: Allow me to illustrate. I challenge you to steal this elephant from me. If you succeed, no chores for one week.

Clay: Ooo sounds good.

Omi: Oh, yes.

Raimundo: Oh yeah, I'm cool with that.

Kimiko: [LAUGHS] gosh.

Master Fung: But, if you lose, you must hand scrub the floors of the grand hall.

Monks: [SIGH]

Clay: Those are some mighty steep stakes, Master Fung.

Kimiko: We can do it.

Raimundo: No doubt.

Omi: We accept your challenge.

[ ]

Omi: Ha.

Master Fung: Too obvious.

Kimiko: Hiya!

Master Fung: Perhaps you do not wish to win.

Raimundo: [YELLS]

Clay: Gotcha' C'mon little doggie. Well that's plum disappointin'

Raimundo: Hey, you broke it. Can he do that?

Omi: Master, how could we win such a contest?

Master Fung: You couldn't.

Kimiko: What?

Master Fung: Your goal, my young monks, was to win, while mine was simply not to lose. That is victory enough for me.

Raimundo: Okay, that's one lesson. Where are the other 999?

Master Fung: Perhaps you'll learn those as you scrub the grand hall floors. Don't forget to get between the tiles.

[ ]

Raimundo: [LAUGHING]

Omi: We are supposed to hand scrub the floors, Raimundo.

Raimundo: You're being too literal. Besides, this is more fun.

Kimiko: Hey.

Clay: Don't think skatin' is one of the thousand lessons we're supposed to be learnin'

Omi: Perhaps one lesson is proper scrubbing technique. I find a circular motion works best. You missed a spot.

Kimiko: Thanks. [GASPS] What's that? Sorry, it was just the wind. Hmm. You missed a spot too, Omi.

Omi: Oh my. Thank you, Kimiko. I have learned a lesson in diligence. Only 998 to go.

Clay: Oh. I feel like I just got off a bull. Or a bull just got off me.

Raimundo: Ah. Oh. Ow.

Kimiko: It even hurts to web surf.

Omi: All the soreness is rushing to my head. Ow.

Kimiko: Hey guys, look at this.

Clay: Sure hope this is worth the walk.

Kimiko: It is There are a dozen stories on the web about a girl in a cat costume robbing stores then disappearing.

Clay: Katnappe!

Raimundo: Wow. What deductive skills.

Omi: We must stop her. Right after I stop the wobbling of my legs.

Computer: You've got a news alert.

Kimiko: She's at the Mall of the World.

Omi: Dojo!

Dojo: You want me to take you to the Mall of the Wold? This official Xiaolin business or we just gonna hang out at the food court?

Omi: It is most official, Dojo.

Kimiko: Katnappe is using the Golen Tiger Claws to commit crimes.

Dojo: What? Hop on. We've got cat to declaw.

Katnappe: Huh. Not a bad haul.

Omi: Katnappe!

Katnappe: [MEOWS]

Omi: You are misusing the powers of a Shen Gong Wu. You must surrender!

Katnappe: You'll have to catch me first.

Omi: Water! Hiya!

Katnappe: Tiger Claws!

Dojo: Omi! Hang on, kid.

Kittens: [MEOWING]

Dojo: Say, are you genetically altered super kittens? Hey, hey now. This is why I'm not a cat person.

Kimiko: Fire!

Raimundo: Wind

Katnappe: Too slow.

Raimundo: [YELLS]

Clay: Hold on there, Katnappe!

Katnappe: Are you gonna fight, cowboy, or just stand there?

Clay: I'm sorry mam, but do you have some male kin-folk I could fight instead?

Raimundo: C'mon Clay! Get her.

Clay: Sorry, guys. Can't do it. I can't fight a girl.

Katnappe: Then this'll be quick.

Raimundo: Clay, man, haven't you heard? Chivalry is dead.

Katnappe: See ya Xiaolin Warriors. I got more shopping to do. Meow.

Dojo: Except for the parts where she slapped us silly and got away, I think that went pretty well.

All: [SIGH]

Dojo: Guys, any inspirations yet?

Omi: Not yet.

Dojo: Fine, I'll just be flying in circles. Don't mind me.

Omi: We need a plan to stop Katnappe.

Raimundo: Let's start with a plan to find Katnappe. She could be anywhere.

Clay: You know, back home we have a saying. Wanna catch a rooster, go where it crows.

Kimiko: She's already been everywhere I'd go. Toy stores, music shops, candy stores.

Raimundo: Ah, but that's you. Where would a cat fanatic go?

Clay: I'm guessin' the dog park is out.

Kimiko: Got it. Catatonia Land.

Omi: Cat-a-what-a-who Land?

Kimiko: The best amusement park in the world. The scariest roller coasters, the fastest rides, and the best cotton candy anywhere.

Clay: And everythin's shaped like cats.

Raimundo: Just as long as it doesn't smell like cats. Ugh.

Kimiko: That's where she is. I guarantee it.

Omi: Hurry, Dojo. To Catatonia Land.

Dojo: Malls, theme parks, sure you're not just playing hooky?

Katnappe: Hmmm. Swipe.

Kid: Hey! That's mine! [CRYS]

Katnappe: My turn.

Kids: [ANGRILY YELLING]

[CAT HISSING]

Kimiko: Oh, maybe I was wrong. I don't see any sign of Katnappe.

Omi: Only because you are looking in the wrong places.

Katnappe: Me-ow-ow-ow!

Raimundo: The nine lives coaster.

Clay: Whoo-ee.

Dojo: Can I sit this one out. Roller coasters make me nauseate.

Kimiko: We'll be ready for her when she gets off.

Omi: Really? How can we win when she has already defeated us twice?

Clay: She packs one heck of a wallop.

Kimiko: Even without the tiger claws.

Omi: There are no lessons in winning, but a thousand lessons in defeat.

Raimundo: All I've learned is Clay won't fight a girl.

Omi: [GASPS] I am struck by inspiration!

Katnappe: [LAUGHING] [MEOWS] Back for more? Sweet. I like kicking your butts.

Omi: It is not our butts that shall be kicked. Clay.

Clay: Howdy, mam.

Katnappe: All right. You're gonna fight me?

Clay: Nope. I cannot, will not, and should not ever fight a girl. But technically, a bear hug ain't fightin'.

Katnappe: Hey! Let go of me!

Clay: No can do, mam.

Katnappe: Fine. Kitties, attack!

[HISSING]

Omi: Ha ha! Victory!

Jack: There she is! Told you my blood hound bots could track down Katnappe.

[BARKING]

Jack: Now hand over the Tiger Claws.

Omi: But- But I just got them.

Jack: Yeah, that's a real tear jerker.

Omi: Tiger Claws!

Wuya: No!

Jack: What did you just do?

Omi: I sent the Golden Tiger Claws to the Earth's core.

Clay: Been nice, not fightin' with ya, mam.

Katnappe: Why did you do that? You're so stupid.

Omi: Perhaps I will never get to use the Golden Tiger Claws, but neither will you.

Katnappe: [HISSES]

Jack: Get in, Ashley.

Kimiko: And that's victory enough for us. You okay, Omi? You really wanted to use those Tiger Claws.

Omi: One does not always get what one wants, Kimiko.

Clay: Guess that's one of Master Fung's thousand lessons.

Raimundo: These thousand lessons, I'm not gettin' them. Three, maybe four tops.

Kimiko: So true.

Master Fung: Not getting all the lessons are we? Then perhaps a refresher is required. I shall guard this jade monkey. If you can steal it from me-

Raimundo: Pass.

Kimiko: Ditto.

Clay: Wait for me.

Omi: I mean no disrespect, Master, but I am so out of here.

Master Fung: [LAUGHS] I'd say they learned one more lesson.

Dojo: Never bet against Fung.

Master Fung: Up high.

Dojo: Down low.