Genie Hunt

(Setting: the Skull and Dagger, at night. A group of thieves is gathered in a circle and are playing a dice-like game.)

Thief 1: Daddy needs a new pair of sandals!

(The thief rolls three crocodile-shaped pieces out of a tumbler, and they land in a triangle shape.)

Thief 2: Another delta!

(The thieves watching laugh and cheer, and the first thief collects the pile of coins he just won.)

(Iago and Abu are hiding, watching the game.)

Iago: Oh, yeah, that's the stuff! And the best part is, we won't even be breaking the law. See, this is where thieves hang out, so everything's already stolen.

Abu: I don't know…

(Iago puts an overturned pot over Abu.)

Iago: Go on, I'm right behind you. Get caught, you don't know me.

(Abu, still hiding under the pot, sneaks towards the thieves' game.)

(Outside the Skull and Dagger, a man is riding a creature that looks part bird, part reptile. Most of his face is covered, but we can see that he has yellow eyes.)

Man: Yesss, Saurisss. I smell a genie.

(Inside)

Thief 3: Fellow thieves, make your bets!

(The first thief is about to roll again when he sees Abu steal some of their coins.)

Thief 1: Hey! (picks Abu up by his tail)

Abu: Hello! (tips his hat, and coins fall out)

Thief 1: Why, this monkey holds coins so well, I wager he'd make a fine purse!

Iago: No, don't!

(The third thief grabs him.)

Iago: I mean, squawk?

(A strong wind suddenly blows through the Skull and Dagger, and the strange man enters.)

Man: I'm ssssearching for a genie.

Thief 1: Well you can't spot him with this in your eyes!

(The thief pulls off the cloth covering the man's face, and we can see that his face is reptilian.)

Thieves: (in unison) Muktaar! (they are so shocked they drop Iago and Abu)

Iago: There's only one genie in this town. We'd better warn him.

(Iago and Abu are about to run out through a window, but the muktaar's mount sticks its head inside, scaring them.)

Iago: You run, I'll fly!

(The muktaar grabs Iago.)

Iago: No! No!

Muktaar: (sniffing Iago's feathers) I smell a genie.

Iago: Genie? No, no! It's my cologne, Eau d'Genie! The chicks really go for it!

(The muktaar smiles and lets Iago go.)

Iago: Come on, Abu. We, uh, gotta meet our friend, who isn't a genie.

(Iago and Abu run away.)

Muktaar: Easy, Sauris. Our tiny friends will lead us to him.

(Setting: the palace. Aladdin and Carpet are standing next to an annoyed-looking Rajah. Aladdin is holding a scrub brush.)

Aladdin: I can handle this, Carpet… I think.

(Rajah growls.)

Aladdin: Come on, Rajah, you've gotta take a bath. You reek!

(Rajah looks shocked, then growls at Aladdin even more. Genie appears, wearing lots of mismatched armor.)

Genie: Stand aside, mortal! Let a fearless professional handle this!

Aladdin: (laughs) A fearless professional what?

Genie: Oh, you're a riot, Al. Now listen, Raj-man. I know what you're going through. Water and cats don't mix.

(Genie disappears, leaving the armor. Rajah looks at it, puzzled. Genie reappears behind Rajah.)

Genie: But soap is your friend, and I'm your friend. So I won't need this stuff, see? (makes the armor disappear) I trust you. (grabs Rajah suddenly) Gotcha!

(Genie dumps Rajah into a tub of soapy water and starts scrubbing him all over, while Aladdin laughs. Genie then lifts Rajah out of the bath, turns into a giant hairdryer and blows him dry.)

Genie: C'est fini!

Aladdin: (clapping and laughing) Bravo!

Genie: For more information on the care, feeding, and bathing of tigers, check your local library.

Aladdin: Well done, Genie.

Genie: Aw, shucks. T'weren't nothin'.

Aladdin: Still have to brush his teeth.

Genie: You just want everything, don't you?

(Aladdin nods.)

Genie: Say ah… (holds up a buffer)

(Rajah roars at him. Genie screams and jumps so high he gets stuck in the ceiling.)

Aladdin: (laughs) Ooh, some fearless professional!

Genie: I was not scared.

Aladdin: Oh, come on, admit it! Your eyes were this big! You were scared.

Genie: Was not.

Aladdin: Were too.

Genie: Was not.

Aladdin: Were too.

Genie: Was not.

Aladdin: Was not.

Genie: Were too! D'oh!

(Everyone but Genie leaves.)

Genie: I'm not scared of anything!

(Iago and Abu run in through the window.)

Iago: Genie! There's a muktaar in Agrabah!

Genie: (gasps) A muktaar?! Oh, man! Muktaars are bad news! I thought they didn't exist anymore!

Iago: Well, there's at least one left, pal, and he's lookin' for you.

Genie: Do you even know what a muktaar is?!

Iago: Yeah, they're creepy and they sniff you.

Genie: They live to wipe out genies. They eat, sleep, and breathe the extinction of genies. They're genie exterminators! Oh, why couldn't it be a seven-headed, fire-breathing hydra? Those I can do. They confuse easily. Hand-eye coordination problems.

(Setting: just outside the palace walls. The muktaar examines some sand on the ground.)

Muktaar: They're in the palace, Sauris.

(Setting: the palace.)

Genie: Oh, why me, what did I do?! Why couldn't it be you, or you? I know, you be a genie!

(Genie paints Iago blue and tries to shove him inside the lamp.)

Iago: No way! Ol' blue eyes isn't sniffin' my feathers twice! (shakes off the paint) I'm telling Al. He'll protect us!

Genie: Great idea! What am I saying? Al will think I'm a coward. (blocks Iago and Abu's path) Guys, Al and I have a relationship based upon a mutual respect. Look, Aladdin won't respect me anymore if you tell him I'm afraid of a genie-hunting muktaar. Trust me, I can handle this.

Iago: Oh, Al!

Genie: Okay, you forced me to do this.

(Genie zaps Iago and Abu, sending them to the dungeon and locks them up. He then piles up a bunch of junk in front of the doorway as a barricade.)

Genie: Yup, that oughta do it.

(Genie turns around, sees the muktaar standing behind him, and screams.)

Muktaar: Just the genie I've been searching for.

(The muktaar jumps toward Genie, but Genie creates a wall in between them. The muktaar takes a box out of his cape, opens it, and two things that look like clams with sharp teeth fly out. They fly through a barred window in the wall after Genie.)

Genie: Aah! What are those?!

(Genie jumps the barricade, and the things chase him down the hallway. He creates a car and jumps into it, but it won't start. He sees the things chasing him in the rearview mirror, and jumps out of the car and continues running. He teleports himself into the throne room, and in a couple of seconds the things are there, too. They chase him to Sultan's toy room, the dining room, and finally the dungeon.)

Genie: No, get away! (flies out the window)

(Abu is picking the locks on Iago's chains.)

Iago: What are those?!

(Genie is chased through Jafar's lab, then into another room in the palace. Genie runs into another room, shuts the door behind him, and locks it several times. He puts his ear to the door and hears nothing. He breathes a sigh of relief, then backs away from the door, into Aladdin. He screams and jumps into the air, getting stuck in the ceiling again.)

Aladdin: (brushing Rajah's teeth) Something wrong, Fearless?

Genie: (nervous) No, I was just, uh, checking for leaks! Oh, there's one now! Yup, gotta report this to the Agrabanian Council for Safer Ceilings. (flies out of the window)

Aladdin: Something's wrong. Let's check it out. (runs to the door, but can't open it)

(Genie appears on the roof of the palace.)

Genie: No sneaking up on me; I've got eyes in the back of my head!

(The clam things fly after Genie again.)

Genie: Enough of this! Batter up! (turns into a baseball player and hits one with a bat) He connects! (the first thing hits the second and knocks it back) It's a double-whammy! It's outta the park! Woo, woo! (takes a bow) Thank you, thank you.

(The muktaar climbs up onto the roof and holds up a lantern. A beam of light shoots out of it and sucks Genie inside.)

Genie: No!

(The muktaar ties the lantern to his belt and jumps down from the roof. Aladdin and Carpet arrive.)

Aladdin: Genie! We've gotta find Genie and that… that thing!

(The muktaar rides away through the desert on Sauris.)

Genie: Carpet, help! Abu! Iago! Anyone! HELP!

(On the palace roof)

Aladdin: Genie!

(Iago and Abu run up to Aladdin.)

Aladdin: Muktaar, Al. It's called a muktaar.

(In the desert)

Genie: You can't do this to me! I'm a free genie!

Muktaar: Not anymore.

Genie: Okay, okay, okay. I'm a genie, you're a muktaar. You guys were born to hate genies. It's your nature. Frogs eat flies, muktaars bump off genies. But can't we just be friends? I mean, what have I ever done to you?

Muktaar: Not me, one of your old masters. Let's just say he misses you.

Genie: You're working for hire?! For money?!

Muktaar: Things have changed since the ancient days. These days one just has to make a living doing what one does best. (stops suddenly) Sauris, a boy approaches from the northeast.

Genie: A boy? Al!

Aladdin: (running up to the muktaar) Beware! There are bandits all over the place!

Muktaar: Bandits do not concern me.

Aladdin: Oh, but these are ruthless bandits! They'll steal anything!

(While Aladdin distracts the muktaar, Abu steals the lantern with Genie in it.)

Abu and Genie: (to each other) Hello!

(The muktaar sees them and picks up the lantern, will Abu still hanging on.)

Abu: Hello!

Genie: Hello!

Iago: Hello! (pulls the muktaar's cape up over his face)

(Iago and Abu fly off with the lantern, and the muktaar chases them on foot. Aladdin and Carpet catch up to them, and Abu jumps aboard with the lantern. They speed up and leave Iago behind.)

Iago: Aw, gee! Go! It's right behind me! (grabs onto the end of Carpet's tassels with his teeth)

(The muktaar jumps on Sauris and rides after them. He lassos Iago's tail.)

Iago: Aah! It's gonna smell me, I just know it! Aah!

(Iago's tailfeathers come out and the lasso slips off. Carpet flies high up into the air.)

Iago: Ouch! Go! Up! Climb!

(Setting: later; they are still flying on Carpet.)

Genie: So that's the whole story. Once a muktaar finds its prey, it never gives up. Not that I'm scared, mind you.

Aladdin: Genie, we're in this together. I'll help you fight him.

Genie: Fight him?! Do we have to?! I mean, yeah! We'll knock his muktaar block off!

Aladdin: Well, there is another option.

Genie: Option B? What's option B? Tell me what option B is.

Aladdin: If we find this old master of yours, maybe we could talk him out of this contract.

Genie: Genie digs option B.

Aladdin: So… which old master is it?

Genie: Beats me. All my old masters are… you know. (turns into a bugler playing taps, then into a corpse in a suit holding a lily)

Iago: What, arranging flowers and playing horns?

Aladdin: No, Iago. They're dead.

Genie: Uh, part of the genie gig. Genies are eternal, and masters aren't. Wait. There is one: Ajed al-Gebraic. He made a deal to live forever.

Aladdin: Let's pay this old master a visit.

(Setting: the same place, a short while later. The muktaar is following them.)

Muktaar: They've headed east, Sauris. Into the mountains.

(Setting: high in the mountains. Aladdin and his friends are standing outside a little cottage on a cliff.)

Genie: Oh, Ajed al-Gebraic's going to be sorry he messed with this genie! (bangs on the door) Come out! We know you're in there! (creates an axe) Okay, we're coming in!

(The door opens, revealing a tiny old man wearing furs.)

Ajed: Genie!

(Aladdin takes the axe from Genie, who tumbles forward, knocking Ajed down.)

Ajed: Great scott! (laughs) I haven't seen you since… When was the last time I saw you?

Genie: When you traded me to that sorcerer in return for eternal life!

Ajed: Oh, yeah. Boy, that was a mistake. You'd think that eternal life meant eternal youth, too. But, no! (looks at the others) What's with the menagerie?

Iago: Old McDonald had a farm sale. Do you mind? We're freezing to death here!

Ajed: Come in, come in! Boy, Genie, you got fat. I've never seen such a fat genie.

Aladdin: I don't think he's our guy.

Genie: Don't kid yourself, Al. He's our guy.

Ajed: So, you must be Genie's new master?

Aladdin: Well, not exactly.

Genie: Cut the chit-chat, bucko. Why did you sic a hired-hand muktaar after me?

Ajed: (laughs) Oh, you're still a hoot, Blue! Everybody knows muktaars don't exist anymore.

Genie: It's an act. He'll buckle. Listen, Gebraic, I've had enough!

Ajed: Let me tell you about the time I had Genie bathe my pet ferret. Genie was so scared.

Aladdin: (laughs) Really? Not Genie!

Genie: Wasn't just any ferret. Sabre-toothed ferret.

(Setting: Ajed's cottage, that evening. Genie and Ajed are chatting happily. Everyone else looks bored out of their minds.)

Ajed: (laughs) Oh, Genie, the look on your face when the marmot ate your beard!

Genie: (laughs) Wooly marmot!

Iago: Ferret, muskrat, lemur, marmot. How long do we gotta listen to these stories? This is torture, Al! Please, let the muktaar take him! We can get another genie.

Ajed: I think his name was Gustav!

Genie: Gustav the wooly marmot!

Aladdin: Genie, we should be going. We've got some important things to do.

Ajed: No no no! You must stay! I mean, uh, we haven't told you the duck-billed gibbon story yet. (walks away)

Aladdin: (whispers) Gebraic's up to something.

Genie: Get out! Old Geb is fine. He's family!

(The door opens suddenly, and the muktaar steps inside.)

Ajed: I thought you'd never get here. Aladdin, Genie, meet my muktaar.

Genie: Then again, I could be wrong.

(The muktaar is standing on Carpet.)

Aladdin: Why?!

Ajed: It's that eternal life deal. If I'm living 'till doomsday, I want a servant! Now I've got my Genie back, I'm all set.

Genie: But Geb, you don't understand! I'm a free genie!

Ajed: Well, you won't be after he's done with you.

Iago: (sneaking out between the muktaar's legs) Glad to be of service! Bye!

Aladdin: Carpet, now!

(Carpet suddenly flies forward, tripping the muktaar. Iago and Abu pull his hat down over his eyes. They all run out of the cottage.)

Ajed: Catch them or you don't get paid!

(Outside, everyone is about to climb onto Carpet. The muktaar throws a barrel of water on Carpet. Aladdin and his friends climb onto Carpet and fly away, but Carpet freezes in midair, sending them crashing to the ground.)

(The muktaar starts running after them. Genie turns into a bobsledder, and they all slide on the frozen Carpet down the mountain. The muktaar keeps pace with them.)

Genie: Al, I have to confess, I'm very afraid of this guy!

Aladdin: I could see why!

(Suddenly the muktaar is in front of them. The run into him, then they all hit a snowbank, and they all roll down the mountain in a big ball of snow. Genie sticks his arm out, turns it into an anchor, and anchors it in the snow. The muktaar falls out of the snowball and slides off a cliff. Everyone else hangs on to Genie. They then look over the side of the cliff and don't see the muktaar.)

Aladdin: (sigh) He's gone.

(They then see tracks on a ledge below. They turn around and the muktaar is standing behind them.)

Genie: No, he isn't!

Iago: Genie, I've got a wacky idea. Why don't you just go quietly? That way nobody gets hurt!

Genie: Bird's right, Al. There's no beating this thing.

Aladdin: But, Genie…

Genie: I guess this is goodbye. (walks toward the muktaar, then looks back at Aladdin) What am I saying?! No, Al. I just realized there is something that scares me more than a muktaar, and that's the thought of losing you.

(Aladdin and Genie hug.)

Genie: Yup, this guy's going down. (tackles the muktaar, then turns into a wrestler) It's the mysterious masked genie! Twelve hundred pounds of wrestling fury! (throws the muktaar into the snow)

Muktaar: A muktaar has fallen by a genie's hand. This has never happened. It will not happen again!

(The muktaar takes off his cape and sword, jumps toward Genie, picks him up and throws him to the ground. Genie tries to fight back, but is knocked down again.)

Genie: Oh…

Muktaar: You fight well, genie. But you cannot win.

(The muktaar opens his box again, and the clam things fly out. They grab onto Genie's wrists, then turn into black metal cuffs.)

Aladdin: What are those?

Genie: Manacles, Al. They're my manacles.

(A chain forms between the manacles, and they are pulled together.)

(Ajed al-Gebraic rides toward them on Sauris.)

Ajed: Ah, my Genie!

Aladdin: If you want Genie, you'll have to take me first!

Ajed: Huh?

Muktaar: (picking up his sword) Very well.

Genie: Al, no!

Ajed: Stop! Down! Down!

(Sauris puts his head down, and Ajed slides down his neck)

Ajed: Are you off your rocker? You'd surrender your life for your genie?

Aladdin: No. For my friend.

Ajed: Listen, sonny, you've got it all backwards. A genie is a servant. A possession.

Aladdin: This genie is my friend.

Genie: Yeah!

Ajed: Friend? I… I've lived thousands of years. I've seen it all. Except this. Kids today. Make me nauseous. Fine, okay. Deal's off. Let the genie go.

Aladdin: You'll cancel the contract?

Ajed: It's cancelled. Get out. Go frolic somewhere.

Muktaar: Very well. I hold no grudge.

(The muktaar opens the box again, and the manacles fly back inside.)

Muktaar: As long as I get paid.

Ajed: Fine, fine. (hands a pouch to the muktaar, then another one) And here's your advance.

Aladdin and Genie: Advance?

Ajed: Hey, I'm eternal. The kid isn't. I'll see you when you and the boy go your separate ways. (walks away, laughing)

Muktaar: Of course, I will long be retired by then. Come, Sauris. (rides away)

Genie: Whew!

Aladdin: Well, Fearless, what next?

Genie: Let's say we go bathe a tiger! No, a sabre-tooth parrot! Heck, seven-headed, fire-breathing hydra! We've got some time to spend together, Al! (hugs Aladdin)