Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse


 * Brian: Hey, Stewie? Look, something came up. I'm not gonna be able to do the picnic today.
 * Stewie: Oh, was-- was that today? Pssh, yeah, no way I can make that either. I'm cancelling too, man. Wow, good memory, though. I totally blanked it.
 * Bertram: Stewie Griffin!
 * Stewie: My god, Bertram?! But... how is this possible? I-- I killed you!
 * Bertram: You only killed me in this universe, you fool!
 * Stewie: Ohhh, so you got yourself a multiverse remote, huh?
 * Bertram: Indeed I did!
 * Brian: W-Wait, hold on. Will someone please tell me what the hell is goin' on here?
 * Stewie: Sorry. Hang on one sec. You remember the multiverse theory?
 * Brian: Yyyyyeah.
 * Stewie: It's one about how there's alternate universes that coexist with ours on parallel dimensional planes. So in each of these universes, the reality is different than our own. Sometimes only slightly, sometimes quite radically. This Bertram is from a universe where we never killed him.
 * Brian: Okay. Okay. I think I got it.
 * Stewie: Sorry, not a genius. Now, what do you want?
 * Bertram: Well, I can't possibly allow a universe to exist without me in it! I'm traveling the multiverse, building up an army to exact revenge on you When I return, I'm gong to destroy your universe completely! See you soon, Stewie!
 * Stewie: Brian, this is bad. With a cross-dimensional army, he'll have no problem destroying our universe. Who knows what he's going to bring back here.
 * Brian: Well, what are we supposed to do?
 * Stewie: We have to try and stop him before he can organize his attack. Alright, Brian, we're going to need to arm ourselves. I'm sure he knows we're going to come after him. His armies are going to be waiting for us every step of the way.
 * Brian: You think-- you think maybe I can use one of your ray guns?
 * Stewie: No, I get Stewie weapons, you get the boring stuff. That's what we're doing.
 * Brian: Fine. But how are we gonna find him? He could be anywhere, right?
 * Stewie: Luckily, I just updated my multiverse remote, so I have tracking software now. We'll be able to follow every move he makes. Hang on, Bri. We're going... Back to the Multiverse! What the hell? Wait a minute, Brian, this isn't where we were supposed to go.
 * Brian: What do you mean?
 * Stewie: I don't know. The remote's not working for some reason. You know, everyone said, "Get on the cloud. It's gonna be great." And everything's been a nightmare since.
 * Brian: Well, can you fix it?
 * Stewie: I don't have the proper tools. But maybe we can find someone who does.
 * Brian: Alright, can you at least find out where we are?
 * Stewie: According to the multiverse remote, this is... a universe ruled by Greeks.
 * Brian: So what does that mean? Fat, hairy philosophers in togas or fat, hairy grease balls in Speedos?
 * Stewie: Oh yeah. Greeks have always have been gross and still are. But, no, it's not those kinds of Greeks, Brian. It's worse. It's frat boys.
 * Frat Boy: Hey, those guys aren't like us! Get those knob-gobblers!
 * Stewie: Crap! Brian, run! We have to find someone to help us fix my remote! What's a knob-gobbler?!
 * Brian: You'll understand when you're older. Come on, Stewie, we gotta find someone who can fix the remote.
 * Mort: Hey you two, do you want to pledge to our fraternity? Here's a Torah and some bacon to rub on your face so you break out.
 * Brian: That might sound a little odd, but do you know if there's like an electronics store or a creepy Armenian guy in a dimly lit apartment who can fix a multiverse remote?
 * Mort: Ooh, I can help you get that fixed. But I will require a service in return that is worth more than the service I will be providing you with. We need you to help our fraternity throw a better party. We've been standing around complaining for hours but that doesn't seem to be a party to the Gentiles. Here's some ammo, now go shoot those lame balloons down. Wait until I put my earplugs in!
 * Stewie: The party's lame. I think there's someone throwing up over there just because they're nervous. Piñata's? Really? What are we, twelve? Alright, Bri, here's the deal: Only one of us fights at a time. Think of it like tag-team wrestling: when you get hurt or too tired, tag out.
 * Brian: Piñata's? No wonder these guys can't get laid.
 * Mort: Good, you shot all the balloons now-- Ooh look, there's a sorority girl running down the street. I bet her dad's so rich.
 * Frat Boy: Dude, wait until my bros see these nasty pictures of you!
 * Lisa: Hey, get back here with those! I am going to wait one more year before i leaked naked pictures of me online!
 * Mort: You should go talk to that sorority girl and see what's the matter. Also, ask her how much her dad has in his retirement fund.
 * Lisa: Oh my god! That scumbag stole pictures of me and my sorority sisters! I'll pretend to like whoever gets them back!
 * Frat Boy 2: Nice nips.
 * Frat Boy 3: Wow, someone should buy her a razor.
 * Frat Boy: I'd say she's a low seven.
 * Frat Boy 2: Get those guys! They're with the nerds!
 * Stewie: Well, now I won't feel bad about crapping my pants.
 * Frat Boy: I bang that when I'm blacked out.
 * Frat Boy 2: You want the pictures?! Come and get 'em! I already yanked it to them anyway.
 * Frat Boy 3: These two dorks just won't quit.
 * Brian: C'mon, let's just be bros. Okay, bros?
 * Stewie: I think that boy in the pool is dead.
 * Brian: No, Stewie, he's just swimming. You see, college is all about having fun-- Nope. He's dead. No one's helping him.
 * Stewie: Okay, I got it, I got it.
 * Mort: Ooh, good job getting those pictures. You should try to find more of them so you have the material to shamefully touch yourself to at night, or even very early in the morning. Now, I got a keg but didn't want to put the deposit down for the tap. Would you find one for me? Ooh, I think that house over there has one!
 * Greased-up Deaf Guy: Let me know if you guys wanna streak with me! I could always use a companion!
 * Girl: Hey it's those douchbags who stole the pictures of us!
 * Brian: Look at this place, it's anarchy. I guess this is what happens when douchbags become way to entitled. We gotta stop 'em.
 * Stewie: Victory is mine!
 * Death: Listen, honey, after what happened to you tonight, you wouldn't wanna wake up tomorrow anyway.
 * Stewie: That looks like the thing Mort wants. I don't know what a tap is.
 * Mort: Hey, you two come over here. I need someone to Thanks for the tap. I'm blaming everything on you. Now we need some women to come to this party. Ooh, I got a crafty idea! Listen, I need you to steal a couple of jackets from the jock frat. Bring them back and I'll tell you what to do next.