The Microwave

The Grossest Thing Ever

 * Behold, Darwin! The grossest thing ever, I shall name it the gross jar! It shall be my legacy to the world! It's the coolest thing ever!
 * But I thought that my tap dancing dolphin impression was the coolest thing ever?
 * Yeah, but this just literally blew you out of the water.
 * What's inside?
 * Well...
 * Okaaaay... so what are you going to do with it?
 * Yeah, well, that's the problem. I don't really know. It needs a final touch to make it a true masterpiece.
 * and : Nuke it!
 * Could you tell me when my coffee's ready? I'll be in the garden.
 * What's going on?
 * and :
 * It's looking at me!
 * Who? Where did you find an eyeball?
 * I didn't! It must be the atomic power of the microwave.
 * It looks like it's alive.
 * Mama.
 * Did you hear that? He called you mom!
 * Hmmmmm… and I guess that makes you its dad.
 * It's dad? AHHHHH! What am I gonna do?! I don't wanna be a baby father! Let's ditch it!
 * Shhhhh! Don't say stuff like that in front of him! I meant c'mon, it's kinda cute. Hello, little guy!
 * Don't you worry about a thing. Me, and your father will take care of everything.
 * DARWIN! Where do you think you're going?
 * Uhhh… Buy some stuff… at the shop?
 * What are you doing? He's your son!
 * I'm sorry little guy. From now on, I'll always be there for you.
 * Darwin, I think he's ready for his first steps!
 * Wait! Come on, don't be shy. Come to daddy! Awww, he's kinda got my eyes, don't you think?  AHHHH! IT'S GOT MY TOP LIP TOO!
 * Dude, it's what babies do. It's just suckling.
 * IT'S NOT SUCKLING, IT'S EATING!
 * Okay, relax. He's just playing. He'll come off on his own.
 * Okay, okay, okay... AHHHH! HIS TEETH ARE SINKING IN!
 * Okay, that's enough! Bad baby! Stop mauling your father and get back in your jar this-- AHH! HE'S GOT MY NECK!
 * I know what it is, it must be hungry.
 * Uhhh… Buy some stuff… at the shop?
 * What are you doing? He's your son!
 * I'm sorry little guy. From now on, I'll always be there for you.
 * Darwin, I think he's ready for his first steps!
 * Wait! Come on, don't be shy. Come to daddy! Awww, he's kinda got my eyes, don't you think?  AHHHH! IT'S GOT MY TOP LIP TOO!
 * Dude, it's what babies do. It's just suckling.
 * IT'S NOT SUCKLING, IT'S EATING!
 * Okay, relax. He's just playing. He'll come off on his own.
 * Okay, okay, okay... AHHHH! HIS TEETH ARE SINKING IN!
 * Okay, that's enough! Bad baby! Stop mauling your father and get back in your jar this-- AHH! HE'S GOT MY NECK!
 * I know what it is, it must be hungry.
 * Okay, that's enough! Bad baby! Stop mauling your father and get back in your jar this-- AHH! HE'S GOT MY NECK!
 * I know what it is, it must be hungry.

Feeding It

 * Okay. So it doesn't like fruits, vegetables, or cereal. But it does like pigeons, rats, raccoons, seagulls, and the mailman's butt.
 * What was all that noise? What are you two do-- AHHHH! What is that thing?
 * It's our baby.
 * What are you talking about? Where did you find it?
 * It came out from the microwave.
 * Are you sure it didn't come out of the toilet? It's disgusting!
 * They almost look a bit funny when they're just born.
 * He's actually very advanced for his age!
 * You should have seen him catch that seagull.
 * What?! You let that monster out?
 * Look, I was trying to be nice here. But you better stop insulting our child or I don't know what I'll do!
 * It's not a child! And what's it doing in my high chair?
 * Don't listen to her Kenneth, she's just jealous!
 * ...You called it "Kenneth"?
 * Baby needs a name. Look, like it or not, you're Kenneth's aunt. Now, we're gonna buy more pigeon traps. You babysit him.
 * Are you crazy? What do you think you're--
 * I guess you're kind of… ugly-cute. What kind of animal are you? Wow, those are pretty pointy teeth. What the-!?
 * Kenneth, we're home! Ugghhh, what a mess!
 * Where's Anais?
 * Nyeh. I knew she'd bail.
 * Gumball, has Kenneth grown?
 * Grown into a trouble maker. This place is a mess! Naughty Kenneth!
 * (offscreen): Parcel for the Wattersons!
 * Did Kenneth just eat the mailman?
 * No no no, that's not possible. Not my Kenneth.
 * Well, where is he then?
 * What do I know, Mailing? I'm more worried about Kenneth, Does it look to you like he's gaining weight?
 * I'm more worried about his attitude. This boy needs discipline.
 * I think we need parental advice.
 * What do I know, Mailing? I'm more worried about Kenneth, Does it look to you like he's gaining weight?
 * I'm more worried about his attitude. This boy needs discipline.
 * I think we need parental advice.
 * I think we need parental advice.

Parental Advice

 * So um… we're doing this school project.
 * Uh-huh.
 * And uh we've got to look after thisss-uh gross dog thing.
 * I'm with ya.
 * And we need your help disciplining it.
 * Okay. It's pretty simple. Kinda like children, actually. The first thing you have to do is to let it know you're the pack leader. So, look them in the eyes and tell them firmly you're the boss. Now, you've been a naughty doggy!
 * Dad, he's got your finger.
 * Well, that's to be expected, son. The best thing to do is to remain calm, and reassert your authority.
 * Yeah, but it seems to be eating your arm.
 * Ha ha ha! It's just testing its boundaries. The worst you can do is give it attention for negative behavior.
 * I have always found that a positive reinforcement approach is the best way-
 * and : DAD!
 * Kenneth's eaten dad!
 * And probably Anais too.
 * We've gotta save them!
 * We'll save them later!
 * Kenneth's eaten dad!
 * And probably Anais too.
 * We've gotta save them!
 * We'll save them later!
 * We'll save them later!

The Fight Against Kenneth

 * Hey kids. Sorry I'm late, I- Ow! What the-
 * Mom! Something terrible in the garden it began from the microwave and it became alive and swallowed the mailman and dad and Anais and wants to eat us and we hide here eh-
 * What?
 * What Gumball is trying to say is- THE MICROWAVE MONSTER-
 * Okay, okay. Slow down, boys. Where's your father?
 * and : It's turned to a monster, and now IT'S COMING TO GET US!
 * Oh for goodness sake! It's probably just a raccoon. I'll go, and check. You stay here.
 * and : NOOO! DON'T GO OUTSIDE!
 * Richard? Where are you? What's wrong with the kids? They haven't been this scared since you made them wax your back. Richard? You better not be trying to scare me.
 * Aww. Richard? Richard, stop playing games!
 * Richard?
 * and : MOOOOOOM!
 * This is all our fault! It's because we're bad parents!
 * Kenneth has grown up to be a troubled child.
 * A troubled child that eats people!? We've got to do something!
 * You're right! No video games for a week.
 * Uh-eh-grounded for two weeks? Okay, let's send him to boring school!
 * Stop being so soft! We have to stop him now!
 * What was that?
 * It's an owl.
 * Oh.
 * What was that?
 * A twig.
 * Oh.
 * What was that?
 * That's my butt cheek quivering with fear.
 * Really?
 * Yeah, look.
 * Darwin, this is our chance!
 * Are you alright in there?
 * Hardly digested, and a little cramped. But otherwise, fine. Just get us out of here, please!
 * Dude, we gotta do something.
 * I got it!
 * Tie the hose pipe around me. Then all I have to do is dive into his mouth, grab everyone, (???). When I say okay, you simply pull us out. Got it? Let's go!
 * Yeah! Did it! Everybody, hold tight. Okay Gumball, now pull!
 * Gotcha!  Okay, this isn't working.
 * Well, think of something else! Our lives depend on you.
 * Uh… I hate to tell you this, but I got nothing.
 * NO NO NO! Kenneth! Please don't eat me! Please! If you like eating people, I'll bring you some! Like a good mother.
 * And uh… maybe a salad once in a while because you're starting to get a little bit chubby.
 * Here's your package, have a nice day!
 * ,, and : Gumball!
 * Great idea turning on the hose!
 * Oh? Pfft it was nothing! Just quick thinking, you know. I-I work best when I'm under pressure, and it definitely wasn't an accident or anything.
 * Aw Kenneth. Look at you now. You're as sweet as when you were born. Who can imagine he'd turn to such a-
 * AHHH!
 * Dad! No!
 * Are you kidding me?! That thing ate me, and barfed me! I'm gonna win this right now!
 * Bu-but he didn't mean it! It's just that we've been bad parents.
 * Gumball, that thing is a man-eating monster.
 * Yes, maybe he eats people once in a while. But maybe… just maybe he needs some love and understanding. We are responsible for the future generation, we make the children that'll become the world of tomorrow. Don't blame Kenneth, blame yourselves. Because you're my parents too.
 * …What!?
 * Look at him. He wont hurt anyone now.
 * Doesn't this poor creature deserve a second chance?
 * , and : Aw. Okay!
 * Trust me guys, this time it'll be different.
 * On second thought, we probably should have listened to dad.
 * And uh… maybe a salad once in a while because you're starting to get a little bit chubby.
 * Here's your package, have a nice day!
 * ,, and : Gumball!
 * Great idea turning on the hose!
 * Oh? Pfft it was nothing! Just quick thinking, you know. I-I work best when I'm under pressure, and it definitely wasn't an accident or anything.
 * Aw Kenneth. Look at you now. You're as sweet as when you were born. Who can imagine he'd turn to such a-
 * AHHH!
 * Dad! No!
 * Are you kidding me?! That thing ate me, and barfed me! I'm gonna win this right now!
 * Bu-but he didn't mean it! It's just that we've been bad parents.
 * Gumball, that thing is a man-eating monster.
 * Yes, maybe he eats people once in a while. But maybe… just maybe he needs some love and understanding. We are responsible for the future generation, we make the children that'll become the world of tomorrow. Don't blame Kenneth, blame yourselves. Because you're my parents too.
 * …What!?
 * Look at him. He wont hurt anyone now.
 * Doesn't this poor creature deserve a second chance?
 * , and : Aw. Okay!
 * Trust me guys, this time it'll be different.
 * On second thought, we probably should have listened to dad.
 * , and : Aw. Okay!
 * Trust me guys, this time it'll be different.
 * On second thought, we probably should have listened to dad.
 * On second thought, we probably should have listened to dad.
 * On second thought, we probably should have listened to dad.