The Call of the Simpsons


 * (Bart runs to Homer after he is shot by a tranquilizer dart)
 * Homer: Avenge me, son. Avenge my death.
 * (Homer starts to snore loudly and Bart looks at him surprised)


 * (At a press conference scientists discuss their findings on Homer)
 * German Scientist: This much I believe we can agree upon: this specimen is either a below-average human being or...a brilliant beast.
 * Simpsons residence. Marge & Homer are in bed, watching the report on TV. Marge shuts off TV
 * Homer: Boy, the guys at the plant are going to have a field day with this one.
 * Marge: I am sorry this happened. Good night, my...brilliant beast!


 * (Homer and Bart search for a way out of the forest)
 * Homer: Through here, boy. Back to civilization.
 * Bart: How do you know?
 * Homer: When you're an experienced woodsman like me, you get a feel for these things. It becomes natural, like a third sense.


 * (Bob the RV salesman tries to sell Homer the small, beat up RV)
 * Bob: Mr. Simpson, you're never gonna own a better RV. And I don't mean that in a good way. I mean literally, buddy. This is for you, you know? It's this or a wagon.


 * (Bob the RV salesman checks Homer's credit on a computer, and a siren wails when the results come back)
 * Homer: Is that a good siren? Am I approved?
 * Bob: You ever known a siren to be good? (chuckles) No, Mr. Simpson, it's not. It's a bad siren. That's the computer in case I went blind, telling me, "Sell the vehicle to this fella, and you're outta business." That's what the siren says.

ing back there?
 * Lisa: We're playing, "
 * (Bob the RV salesman shows the Simpson family the "Ultimate Behemoth")
 * Bart: Does it have its own satellite dish, sir?
 * Bob: You can tell your son it has its own satellite. The VanStar One, launched last February, just for this thing, that's all.
 * Bart: Whoa, man!
 * Marge: I'm not sure that we can afford--
 * Homer: Does it have a deep fryer?
 * Bob: It has four of them--one for each part of the chicken.


 * (A naturalist captures a muddy Homer on tape and the footage is shown on the news)
 * Reporter: Now, the naturalist who took these absolutely extraordinary pictures was most impressed by the creature's uncivilized look, its foul language and, most of all, its indescribable stench.


 * (Homer and Bart survive after falling over a waterfall)
 * Homer: Oh, Bart! Oh, Bart, my beautiful son! Why couldn't you have taken me? Of all the fates on Heaven and Earth, why did this one befall me? (sobs loudly)
 * Bart: Don't have a cow, Dad.
 * Homer: What the--D'oh! (Sees Bart on the other side of the river) You're alive! And (Chuckles) buck naked!
 * Bart: I'm not the only one, Home boy.
 * Homer: What? Oh! (Chuckles) Jungle man.
 * (Homer beats his chest and hollers like Tarzan)


 * (After his RV crashes at the bottom of a canyon, Homer needs a minute alone)
 * Homer: (To Marge and the kids) Now you all stay here for a minute while I go over this way and try to get my bearings.
 * (Homer walks into the woods a little ways)
 * Homer: What am I gonna do? I've murdered us all!
 * Homer's Echo: I've murdered us all! I've murdered us all!
 * Homer: Shut up!
 * Homer's Echo: Shut up! Shut up!
 * Homer: D'oh!
 * Homer's Echo: D'oh! D'oh!
 * (Marge groans, as she and the kids can hear Homer's echo)


 * (Bart and Lisa entertain each other in the back seat of the RV)
 * Bart: Turkey farm?
 * Lisa: No.
 * Bart: Skunks?
 * Lisa: No.
 * Bart: Slaughterhouse?
 * Lisa: No.
 * Marge: What are you doing back there?
 * Lisa: We're playing, "What's that odor"?
 * Bart: Dad's feet?
 * Homer: Bart!
 * Lisa: You win, Bart.
 * Homer: Lisa!
 * Bart: Are we there yet, Dad?
 * Homer: I'll tell you when we get there. Go back to your smell game.


 * (Homer drives by Ned Flanders's house in his "new" RV)
 * Homer: Hey, Flanders! Look what I've got!
 * Ned: (whistles) Oh, she's a beaut! Hey, congratulations, Simpson! I'm sure you'll have loads of fun!
 * Homer: (chuckles to Marge) Jealous.


 * (Homer's "Bigfoot" story is reported on TV)
 * Reporter: Naturally, we'll have more on this story as soon as it develops. We now return you to the President's address, already in progress.


 * (Homer and Bart head off to find civilization)
 * Lisa: Remember, Dad, the handle of the Big Dipper points to the North Star.
 * Homer: (chuckles) That's nice, Lisa, but we're not in astronomy class. We're in the woods.
 * (Marge and Lisa both groan)


 * Bart: Hey, Dad, how come we can't get a decent mower, like the Flanders have?
 * Homer: Just be happy with what what you've got, son. Don't try to keep up with the Flander-es-es.


 * (Bob the RV salesman sees Homer walk onto the lot)
 * Bob: Thank you, God.


 * (Ned Flanders shows off his new RV to Homer)
 * Homer: But, uh, how can you afford something like this, Ned? I get your mail once in a while, and you make only $27 a week more than I do.
 * Ned: Ha ha! Credit, my friend, credit!


 * Homer: Can I have some applesauce?