Crime 101

(Opening shot: the night sky, with clouds looming ominously. A large monster with metallic tentacles rears up and roars. Cut to a close-up of Buttercup, who catches the beast with a left hook, then to Blossom and Bubbles zooming in to attack. These two land a flying uppercut apiece, and Buttercup follows with a punch to the gut. One of the monster's tentacles is broken off, and Bubbles connects with a kick to its eye.)

(Pull back to show the Townsville skyline, as the fight continues in the background. Across the bottom are the words "5 NEWS ALERT," and a smiling reporter appears, holding a microphone.)

Reporter: Well, it appears that the Powerpuff Girls have beaten the evil Ro-Beast and saved the day. (The monster falls to the ground.) Again. Back to you, Chuck.

(Cut to the news room, where Chuck is at the anchor desk with a graphic of the Channel 5 logo next to him. He too is smiling.)

Chuck: And on a school night, even. Well, in other news: Is Alaska...

Voice 1: Gaaahhhh!

(The view -- actually a TV screen -- is obscured by a blue-green transparent material, then changes to show the speaker, which appears to be an oversized microscopic organism glaring angrily down at the TV. It wears a gray fedora and sounds very much like Edward G. Robinson.)

Organism: Stinkin' Powerpuffs! (throws TV aside and turns to the viewers) Hi, I'm Bossman. And this is Skinny Slim and Tiny.

(Two other organisms, one wearing a brown fedora and another, smaller one in a black cap, appear behind the speaker in time with this line.)

Organism (Bossman): We're the Amoeba Boys, and we're bad guys!

(Cut to a close-up of a "Keep Off the Grass" sign.)

Bossman: (voice-over) But we got a problem, though.

(Pull back as the Amoeba Boys leap into view next to the sign, trying to look mean.)

Bossman: (voice-over) No matter what unthinkable crime we commit...

(Now we see the girls in the park, with the Boys in the background, still next to the sign. Blossom is playing hopscotch, Bubbles is playing with a top-hatted toy octopus -- which will later be identified as Octi -- and Buttercup is floating back and forth above them. They pay no heed to the Boys.)

Bossman: (voice-over) ...it's never good enough for those stinkin' Powerpuffs!

(Cut to the Boys in their hideout.)

Bossman: Oh, sure, we try to be tough. We try to be "hardened criminals." (He makes air quotation marks to punctuate this last.) But all we ever hear is...

(Cut to the park again. Blossom is facing the Boys, not particularly scared of them.)

Blossom: Bad guys, schmad guys.

(They turn around angrily and find Bubbles and Buttercup behind them.)

Bubbles, Buttercup: You're cute!

(Cut back to the Boys' hideout. All three of them are angry now.)

Bossman: Aaaagh! It's enough to make you want to crawl back in the petri dish! But we keep on keepin' on... (Skinny and Tiny imitate his "hand gestures.") ...and wait for that one crime that'll set those girls over the edge. Hmmm...

(They start thinking. Fade to black.)

(Fade into them again. Bossman is still thinking; Skinny and Tiny are asleep. Suddenly he springs to life.)

Bossman: Boys! I've got it!

Skinny, Tiny: (waking up) Got what, Boss? (They sound like typical gangster underlings.)

Bossman: (moving toward camera) The crime of the century!

(Dissolve to another lovely day in the park. Kids are playing, butterflies are flitting about, and everyone is having fun. Pan to the swing set, where the girls are swinging as hard as they can.)

Blossom: It's your turn, Bubbles!

Bubbles: 'Kay! One... (She swings up and down.) Two... (She swings again.) Three!

(She lets go and flies o.c. Cut to outer space, with Earth in the bottom corner and Bubbles sailing up from it into the stars.)

Bubbles: (fading out) Yaaaaaahooooooooooo!

(She lands on the moon. Back in the park, Blossom and Buttercup are looking up dejectedly after their sister.)

Blossom, Buttercup: You won. (They cock their heads, listening intently.)

Narrator: Just then, the girls' ultrasonic hearing picks up something.

(Extreme close-up of the mouth of one of the Boys.)

High voice: Help, Powerpuff Girls, help! A real bad guy's on the loose!

(Pull back to reveal the speaker as Bossman, with Skinny and Tiny behind him, grinning.)

Bossman: (high voice) If you can hurry up and get here, I can tell you all about them...

(Cut to a shot of the girls' shadows cast against a row of buildings as they fly in.)

Bossman: (from o.c., high voice) ...and just how bad they are! (Cut to the Boys on the sidewalk.) Oh, you'll probably want to beat 'em up 'cause they're just soooo nasty!

(As he finishes saying this, the girls land with their backs to the camera. Close-up of them, ready to throw down.)

Girls: Not so fast -- (losing steam) Oh.

Blossom: It's just you, Amoeba Boys.

Bossman: Whaddya mean, just us? I'll have you know we were just about to commit the crime of the century! So why don't you just watch? (to Skinny, Tiny) Come on! (They move right o.c.)

(Cut to a busy street, with traffic racing back and forth. The Boys come into view left, look both ways, then slither quickly across the street and back to face the girls.)

Bossman: Well?

(Close-up of the girls' faces, with question marks in the background.)

Girls: What was that?

(Close-up of the Boys, looking very pleased with themselves.)

Bossman: Jaywalking! Crosswalk over there...

(He points left and the camera follows to show an intersection, then returns.)

Bossman: ...a crosswalk over there!

(He points right and the camera follows and returns again.)

Bossman: And us, right through the middle! Now let's fight!

(He moves toward Blossom, but again she does not seem too scared. In fact, she is smiling.)

Blossom: Aw, you guys are cute, but you're gonna have to do better than that! (Bossman pulls back, and the Boys start crying.)

Boys: But that's the best we could do!

 

(The girls approach the Boys to comfort them. Flowers appear in the background.)

Blossom: There, there, it's okay. Have you ever tried robbing a bank?

(The Boys are so surprised by this, their hats jump off their heads and spin around.)

Boys: That's impossible!

(The girls pop into view one by one, excited about this prospect.)

Blossom: No, it's not!

Buttercup: We'll show you!

Bubbles: Come on!

(Cut to the bank -- a very tall building that says "BANK" at its top -- and the girls flying down to land in front of it, carrying the Boys.)

Boys: Yahoo!

(Inside, we see a row of tellers, lines of customers, a vault with a guard stationed next to it -- the usual things you find in a bank. Pan to the girls and the Boys at the back of the room.)

[Note: One of the customers at the counter is patterned after Craig McCracken.]

Blossom: Okay. Rob the bank.

(Close-up of the Boys, looking very nervous. Bossman finally swallows hard and slithers across the room to stand behind the last customer in line. He holds up a bag as if trick-or-treating.)

Bossman: (stammering) Um, ah, excuse me, but...could we please have some money, please?

(The girls are not at all pleased with the performance.)

Blossom: (very angry) No, no, no! (Cut to the Boys, cowering; she continues o.c.) That's all wrong! (Back to her; gentler tone.) Like this.

(She leaps up onto a counter, with a stocking pulled over her head for a mask, and drops right into bank-robbing mode.)

Blossom: This is a stick-up, everybody! Down!

(At the counter, the tellers stare at her, dumbfounded.)

Blossom: (from o.c.) I said... (Back to her.) ...down!

(She fires a laser blast from her eyes and the tellers duck; the wall behind them is singed.)

Blossom: (from o.c.) Now fork over the dough!

(Still ducked down, they hold up bags of cash. We can hear coins jingle due to their shaking hands. Buttercup, also masked, flies across the room and scoops the bags up as the Boys watch.)

Bossman: Yow!

Skinny, Tiny: Ooooh!

(Buttercup and the also-masked Bubbles start dumping money into a big bag on the floor in front of Blossom.)

Blossom: Good! Good! Keep it coming! Keep it coming! (Cut to a crying baby, zooming in twice, then back to her.) Shut that kid up!

(The Boys rush in. Bossman rocks the baby, Skinny makes goofy faces, and Tiny shakes a rattle.)

Blossom: Bubbles! Buttercup! (They fly up.) The Vault!

(The two girls fly toward the vault door and stop at it. The Boys watch, still holding the baby and not believing any of what they see, as we hear the creaking of metal. The door is flung into view from the left, sailing over their heads and crashing through the back wall. An alarm goes off.)

Blossom: (from o.c.) Got everything? Okay! Let's blow this joint!

(Cut to the vault guard, now crying, and the girls with their haul next to him.)

Guard: But, Powerpuff Girls, you used to be so good!

(Blossom grabs his tie and pulls him down until his face is almost touching hers.)

Blossom: (sneering) What? We're not good at this?

(Cut to behind the Boys, with the girls standing at the hole in the wall.)

Blossom: Well, folks, so long. Thanks again, and remember...crime does pay!

(Close-up of the girls, now without their masks and holding up the sacks of money. They are out of bank-robbing mode now.)

Girls: And that's all there is to it! Now you try!

Voice 2: Hey!

 

(Outside the bank, the police and SWAT team have pulled up and a chopper hovers. We hear weapons being loaded and cocked. One of the officers has a bullhorn; his voice is the one that was just heard.)

Officer: (through bullhorn) Powerpuff Girls, you're under arrest!

(Another officer walks into view, crying with his head down, unable to bear what he has to do. He drags a chain behind him.)

Blossom: (from o.c.) Wait! We didn't do it!

Buttercup: (from o.c.) Yeah, it was just pretend!

Bubbles: (from o.c.) We were just showing the Amoeba Boys how!

(The girls are pulled into view, handcuffed to the other end of the chain, during Bubbles' line. She is the last to appear. Camera shifts to their perspective, looking back at the Boys by the hole in the wall.)

Girls: Tell them! Tell them!

(The paddy wagon doors slam shut. Cut to outside the barred window, the girls poking their heads up into it, as the wagon roars off.)

Girls: (fading out) TELL THEM!!

(The Boys stand in front of the bank, still in shock -- and then they see the pile of cash next to them, as do we when the camera pulls back. A heavenly choir begins to sing, and the Boys are so happy that their hats once again jump off their heads and spin around. They have a means to prove they are criminals and can go to jail, not to mention prove the Girls are innocent.)

(Cut to a close-up of a judge's gavel on the way down.)

Judge: (from o.c.) Order! Order! (The gavel hits the bench; he leans over it.) Order in the court!

Man in court: I'll have a cheese sandwich, please.

(He is hit over the head with the gavel by the judge for his stupid response. After reprimanding the man for his wisecrack, the judge eases his mood and twirls his gavel in a bored manner as he speaks, pretty much considering the case open and shut.)

Judge: Now the Powerpuff Girls have been accused of robbing the Townsville Bank, which we all know is a big fat lie. But for the sake of argument, how do you plead?

(Close-up of the girls, looking sad and sorry and standing in a spotlight.)

Girls: (small voices) Guilty.

Judge: (still bored, unaware) Now, that's what I sus -- (He does a huge double take.) GUILTY?!?

(Extreme close-up of Blossom. A tear rolls down her face.)

Blossom: Guilty.

(Back to the judge, who is unable to hold himself together as the Girls' confession of guilt has left him devastated as he now has to bear the burden of delivering punishment on them.)

Judge: (crying) Oh...my...goodness. (raising gavel) All that leaves me with is to sentence you girls...

(He brings it down as he continues; it goes fast enough to catch fire. The camera follows it.)

Judge: (from o.c.) ...to one million years in Townsville State Correctional Facility, starting...

Boys: (from o.c.) Stop!

(The gavel stops just before it can hit the bench, and the head collapses into a pile of ashes.)

Bossman: (from o.c.) Uh, hey, Powerpuff Girls... (The girls turn around, their faces brightening.)

Girls: Amoeba Boys!

(Just before they turn, we see for the first time what Blossom uses to keep her ponytail in place: a clip with a heart on it. Close-up of the Boys, holding the bags of money and sweating profusely.)

Boys: What do we do with these? (Close-up of each of the girls in turn.)

Blossom: The money!

Buttercup: You stole it!

Bubbles: And we didn't!

Bossman: Yeah, which means, uh... (Cut to the judge, who now looks at what's left of his gavel, instantly back to his bored mood from earlier now that the Girls have been vindicated.)

Judge: You're going to jail.

Boys: (leaping into the air) Yahoo!

(Bossman leans over to talk to Blossom.)

Bossman: But before we go, would it be okay if we... (He whispers to her. She thinks hard.)

Blossom: Well...okay.

(The girls begin pounding on the Boys.)

Bossman: Yeah!

Tiny: Whoo!

Skinny: (while being pummeled by Bubbles) Duh...hit me, baby! Yes!

Narrator: Congratulations, Amoeba Boys. For once you did something wrong. You're bad guys at last...thanks to the Powerpuff Girls!

(On the end of this line, the girls get ready to deliver one final blow and the background for the end shot comes up, with the Boys flying across the screen.)

Boys: (relieved) Yeah!