The Mystery

"Who did this?"

 * I think cheese is better than cake, because you can have cheesecake, but you can't have cake-cheese!
 * Urgh, what is it?
 * I don't know!
 * Ah, it smells like manure!
 * It looks like a rancid burrito!
 * I think it just moved!
 * Somebody do something!
 * What is going on here? What are you poking...? Euugghh! It looks like a wet diaper!
 * Nigel!
 * IT'S PRINCIPAL BROWN!
 * Oh, my sweet Nigel. Who would shave you, paint you, wrap you in toilet paper and shut you in Watterson's locker? Who did this?
 * WHO DID THIS!? I want everyone in class... NOW!
 * I SAID EVERYONE!
 * Eww, what's that? It looks like...
 * We know what it looks like!
 * I'm taking Principal Brown to the nurse's office!
 * Nurse...
 * Calm down Nigel...
 * And if the culprit isn't found by the time I get back you're all in detention!
 * I SAID EVERYONE!
 * Eww, what's that? It looks like...
 * We know what it looks like!
 * I'm taking Principal Brown to the nurse's office!
 * Nurse...
 * Calm down Nigel...
 * And if the culprit isn't found by the time I get back you're all in detention!
 * Calm down Nigel...
 * And if the culprit isn't found by the time I get back you're all in detention!

The suspects

 * So, what do you guys think happened to Principal Brown?
 * Well, I saw him at the end of school, so it must have happened after that.
 * So, who stayed after school yesterday?
 * I was doing cheerleader stuff!
 * I was cleaning late.
 * I had detention.
 * I can't remember.
 * So you are all suspects.
 * Oh, c'mon, it was obviously Gumball!
 * Yeah! Brown was found in his locker.
 * Guys, I didn't do it. But I'm gonna find out who did. And I think I know just how. Whoever did it raise your hand! OK, whoever didn't do it raise your hand!
 * What?
 * Aha! So you did it!
 * Dude! I don't have any hands!!
 * Darn, you're good.
 * Aren't you supposed to... like... look for clues or something?
 * Hmmm, clues... Like those paint splatters all over your pompoms!!
 * No, wait! I can explain!
 * There's only one explanation, it was a crime of passion.
 * What do you mean?
 * You knew Principal Brown put me in detention last night, and overwhelmed by your feelings for me, you confronted him in his office.
 * Please, let him go. I love him, Principal Brown!
 * He's nothing but a rouge!
 * But he's noble and strong and brave and handsome! So handsome... He might the best looking guy on the whole school!
 * Gumball, have you seen your yearbook photo?
 * No interruptions, please.
 * We all know how handsome Gumball is, but he's still in detention!
 * Then you leave me no choice!
 * It was then that you pompom him unconscious-
 * Shaved off his hair in punishment, covered him in paint to humiliate him, wrapped him in toilet paper to keep him quiet, and stuffed him in my locker as proof of your arranged obsession for me.
 * It was you!
 * But I forgive you because I am madly in love with you too.
 * Yeah, well, that's not quite what happened. I finally finished my painting at the cheerleaders, and I went to hang it in the stairwell. I guess it was still wet, and I must have got paint on my pompoms.
 * And did anyone see you supposedly hang this alleged painting in this "so-called" stairwell?
 * Yeah. You did.
 * Hey, Penny! I love you!...your painting! your painting. I love your painting.
 * Remember?
 * Haha. Oh, yeah.
 * So if Penny didn't do it, who did?
 * Hmmm. It must have been...you!
 * I said it was him!
 * Why me?
 * Well...
 * Yesterday, you were wandering around when suddenly, at the age of 27, you've realized your youth was behind you.
 * Oh.
 * Then all your hair fell out.
 * Bummer.
 * When you saw Principal Brown's lustrous hairy coat, you were overcome with jealousy. And acting on impulse, you attacked him. You frantically plucked out all of his hair, dyed it the right color, and used it to cover your balding shame. And planning to mislead any investigation, you painted Principal Brown, wrapped him in toilet paper, and stuffed him into my locker, the perfect crime, saying for one thing!
 * Huh?
 * When you stuffed the new hair on your body, there wasn't quite enough, which explains THIS BALD SPOT ON YOUR HAND!
 * Dude, you've got it all wrong. I got this bald spot when I was cleaning yesterday! You see, I spill some really strong chemicals on my hand, and it burnt off the hair! See?  AGHHHHHHHHH!
 * If that's the case, how come I can just pull your hair right off?
 * Agh! Oh! Stop! Ah! No! Agh!
 * Oh, OK then, I guess it wasn't you.
 * Who could it be? All this suspense is making me sweaty.
 * Why don't you just wipe your brow with that toilet paper suspiciously stuck to the bottom of your shoe? CLUEEEEEE!  I can't believe I'm gonna have to say this buddy, but, IT WAS YOU!
 * Yes! Yes! I did it! I'm a monster! A monster! Just lock me up. I'm a menace to society. Take me away!
 * I rest my case.
 * But Darwin couldn't have done it!
 * Really?
 * We all saw you on the bus when we went home.
 * Then how'd explain the toilet paper?
 * You've had it on your feet all days, dude, didn't you notice?
 * Nope!
 * Don't remember any toilet paper!
 * So it wasn't Penny, it wasn't Rocky, and it wasn't Darwin. Which leaves us with only one suspect. The only person who knew the combination to the locker Principal Brown was founded. You!
 * Oh, heh heh.
 * That's all the proof I need. You're coming with me, Watterson!
 * Wait! You're forgeting one bit of crucial evidence!
 * And what's that?
 * I'll just...go and get it.
 * He's not coming back, is he?
 * No.
 * No homework for the one who catches him!
 * Who could it be? All this suspense is making me sweaty.
 * Why don't you just wipe your brow with that toilet paper suspiciously stuck to the bottom of your shoe? CLUEEEEEE!  I can't believe I'm gonna have to say this buddy, but, IT WAS YOU!
 * Yes! Yes! I did it! I'm a monster! A monster! Just lock me up. I'm a menace to society. Take me away!
 * I rest my case.
 * But Darwin couldn't have done it!
 * Really?
 * We all saw you on the bus when we went home.
 * Then how'd explain the toilet paper?
 * You've had it on your feet all days, dude, didn't you notice?
 * Nope!
 * Don't remember any toilet paper!
 * So it wasn't Penny, it wasn't Rocky, and it wasn't Darwin. Which leaves us with only one suspect. The only person who knew the combination to the locker Principal Brown was founded. You!
 * Oh, heh heh.
 * That's all the proof I need. You're coming with me, Watterson!
 * Wait! You're forgeting one bit of crucial evidence!
 * And what's that?
 * I'll just...go and get it.
 * He's not coming back, is he?
 * No.
 * No homework for the one who catches him!
 * That's all the proof I need. You're coming with me, Watterson!
 * Wait! You're forgeting one bit of crucial evidence!
 * And what's that?
 * I'll just...go and get it.
 * He's not coming back, is he?
 * No.
 * No homework for the one who catches him!
 * No.
 * No homework for the one who catches him!

The chase

 * Ahahaha! OW!
 * Quick! Give me something else to throw!
 * What? Aah!
 * Stop throwing stuff at me, I'm innocent!
 * Ouch.
 * Shh!
 * Leave me alone! I'm innocent! I would never hurt Principal Brown!
 * I think I'm feeling a little better.
 * This is extraordinarily painful. It couldn't possibly get any worse!
 * Ohhhh!
 * Leave me alone! I'm innocent! I would never hurt Principal Brown!
 * I think I'm feeling a little better.
 * This is extraordinarily painful. It couldn't possibly get any worse!
 * Ohhhh!
 * Ohhhh!
 * Ohhhh!

The truth

 * Bobert? Ah! Don't turn me in! Oh, you've been switched off.
 * Ah! Don't turn me in!
 * Why?
 * Principal Brown was attacked, any everyone thinks it was me!
 * But it wasn't you.
 * Exactly! Wait, how come you believe me?
 * I saw...everything.
 * What?
 * GUMBALL! Get him!
 * STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! New evidence has come to light! Tell them what happened, dude!
 * I can do better than that. I can play you my memory. First, Penny hung her hideous painting on the wall.
 * Hey!
 * Then, Gumball turned up, looking love struck as usual.
 * Hey!
 * Next, Darwin walked down the stairs, trailing toilet paper like a nin com poop.
 * What's a nin com poop?
 * Hey!
 * Then, Rocky dropped a bottle of chemicals on the floor, looking quite bold.
 * Hey!
 * Then finally came Principal Brown, who's office door suddenly flew open, making him disoriented and dizzy. He fell down the stairs, rolling himself in Darwin's toilet paper, smashed into Penny's artwork, covering his face in paint, fell back into Rocky's chemicals, burning off his hair, then down more stairs, wrapping himself into even more toilet paper, and finally into Gumball's locker.
 * But why didn't you say something before?
 * Well, it was so funny, I blew a fuse. I was like, "Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha." ::
 * He's done it again.
 * On.
 * So, the true culprit is the person who threw open Principal Brown's door!
 * Exactly. And I know just how to find out. Whoever opened the door, put your hand up. Oh, come on!
 * Why don't I just replay the tape?
 * Stop there! Now forward slowly. Freeze! There. Zoom in 50%. Zoom in 100%. Zoom in another 100%. Enhance video.
 * It was you all along! We're going to tell Principal Brown!
 * Tell him what?
 * Well, we just saw on Bobert's memory.
 * What memory?
 * Erase memoryyyyyyy. Oh come on. [in slow motion]
 * That's not fair!
 * How do you sleep at night, Miss Simian?
 * Like a baby. Ahahahaha!
 * Has anyone seen Miss Simian?
 * Don't worry, Miss Simian! We just called an ambulance!
 * Oh!
 * Erase memoryyyyyyy. Oh come on. [in slow motion]
 * That's not fair!
 * How do you sleep at night, Miss Simian?
 * Like a baby. Ahahahaha!
 * Has anyone seen Miss Simian?
 * Don't worry, Miss Simian! We just called an ambulance!
 * Oh!
 * Oh!
 * Oh!