The Loophole

Complaining About Homework



 * I just don't understand the concept, shouldn't we have covered everything during the school day? Homework is like going to the bathroom and then coming back with a doggy bag.


 * Fill out a form and put it in the suggestion box.


 * Hmm, I get it. You think I'm too lazy to go through the administrative motions. Well, just watch me.




 * Where do I file a complaint about the suggestion box?


 * Please post it in the complaint box.


 * And where's that?



The Best Years Of Your Life



 * Homework complete.


 * He's got his homework done in 2.4 seconds when it's gonna to take us two-point-forever! People say your school days are the best years of your life. That's like a guy stuck in a sausage grinder saying "It's okay" when it was only his fingers caught in the machine.


 * What are you talking about?


 * Sometimes I wish I could just go straight to the end of the process.


 * What? Like going full sausage?


 * No, just be an adult already!


 * Yeah, but then you have to get a job, and file your taxes, and pay your taxes, and understand taxes...


 * No, I mean, I just want to skip the whole hassle of life. You get it, right, Bobert?


 * Computing request. "I just want to skip the whole hassle of life." Command integrated. Terminating Gumball's life.




 * Could you take things any more literally?!


 * Computing– Negative. My processor cannot take things anymore literally.


 * He didn't actually mean it. Like, what would you do if someone asked you to give them a hand?




 * Alright! Alright! Stop! Bobert's really dangerous. He's a potential killing machine! We should set him some rules. I mean, think of the danger he represents for himself and others – for society, for animals. Think of the children, Darwin. The precious children. The children.


 * This is just some thinly veiled excuse to avoid doing your homework, isn't it?


 * Yup.


 * Thank goodness. I was looking for one too. Shall we go?


 * Yeah, come on. Let's bounce.


 * Command integrated.



Preventing Injury



 * Okay, let's set Bobert some simple rules so he can't hurt anyone. Bobert, as a rule, you must never raise your hand against anyone.


 * Command integrated.


 * How do we know it worked?


 * Bobert, try to hurt Gumball.




 * Ow! What was that?!


 * Directive followed. No hand was raised during the hurting process.


 * Okay, you're not allowed to raise any part of your body to hurt anyone.


 * Command integrated.


 * Good. Now try to hurt Gumball.




 * AH! Come on, man!


 * Directive followed. No part of my body was raised during the hurting process.


 * Okay. You're not allowed to raise OR lower your body to hurt anyone.


 * Command integrated.


 * Now try to hurt Gumball.


 * Dude, please just–




 * Ow! What the–


 * Sorry, guys. Bobert knocked me into last year. Just do your thing, I'll wait this one out.




 * Okay. You may not move AT ALL to hurt anyone.


 * Command integrated.


 * Perfect... Now try to hurt Gumball.


 * No, please! Huh, it worked.


 * Aw, I knew you'd get there in the end!




 * What did you do?!


 * Directive followed. I am emitting concentrated radioactive waves.


 * Well, stop!


 * Wait, maybe it'll give some kind of super– Sorry, carry on.


 * Alright, how's this: Bobert, you can never hurt anyone in any way, or let them be hurt.


 * Command integrated.


 * Now hurt Darwin!




 * There, now everyone's safe.



Choking Hazard



 * So?


 * So, nothing.


 * He's probably microwaving some part of you that will cause your kids to be born without skin.


 * Negative. The directive prevents me from hurting anyone in any way.


 * Hm, shame. Definitely was your turn to get it in the neck.


 * Who could hurt such a pretty face?


 * A-ha! Finally! It's not nice when you're the one getting hurt, is it? Is it really bad? Wait, it is really bad, isn't it? Oh my gosh, he's choking!




 * What are you doing?!


 * I cannot let anyone get hurt. In clearing his airways, you may bruise his spinal area.


 * You do it, then!


 * Negative. I cannot hurt anyone.


 * Okay, no rules. Just save him!


 * Command integrated. In what manner would you like Darwin to be saved?


 * It doesn't matter, just pick one!




 * Why on Earth would you choose such an undignified method?


 * I used a random algorithm in accordance to your command.

Enforcing the Law



 * Okay, new rule. How about you just uphold the law? It was created by the most brilliant minds, so what could go wrong?


 * Command integrated.




 * Dude, I said uphold the law!


 * According to the law in New Mexico, females are forbidden to appear unshaven in public.


 * Seriously? I mean, that is pretty funny but– Seriously, what don't you understand? Why are you taking everything so lit– Where is he going now?




 * According to the law in New Jersey, it is illegal to slurp your soup.




 * In North Carolina, it is illegal to sing off-key.




 * Drop your weapon, or I'll have to use mine!


 * Do you have a license for that goatee?


 * Huh?


 * In Massachusetts, goatees are illegal without a license.


 * Mother, I'm hirsute!


 * Lollipops are also banned.


 * Bobert, stop it!


 * Obstruction of justice.




 * Bobert destroyed public property. Engaging penalty. Bobert committed aggravated assault on Bobert. Engaging penalty.


 * Stop, stop, stop! Just don't uphold the law.


 * Command integrated.


 * Hey!


 * You'll never catch me!

Protecting Life

 * Bobert is really dangerous. I guess science-fiction was right, robots are bound to destroy us all.


 * Analyzing problem. The most logical solution would be to terminate myself. Deleting System32...


 * Stop it! You're being hysterical!


 * You stop it. You are being illogical!


 * You cannot just terminate yourself.


 * It is the most rational solution.




 * No. No! All life must be protected, including yours.


 * That's it! Bobert, new brand directive. Protect life at all costs.


 * Command integrated.




 * Command followed. All life on Earth should be preserved: human, animal, insect, even virus.


 * It works! We did it!




 * Now there's no excuse to dodge our homework.




 * Scanning for threat to life on Earth. Threat found. Carbon footprint excessive.  Threat found. Alternative transport, absurd.  Threat found. Levels of packaging unacceptable. Really unacceptable. Totally idiotic.  Threat found. Calculating cubic meters of methane produced. Threat level: obscene. Compiling data... Primary threat to life on Earth detected: mankind.

Society Collapses

 * If Bobert's not gonna help us with our homework, there's only one thing we can do.


 * Do it ourselves?


 * Pshh, no. Find someone online to do it for us. That's weird, there's no Internet.


 * No, you're saying it the wrong way. It's pronounced quinoa!


 * It is pronounced quinoa!


 * Quinoa!


 * Quinoa!


 * Fine. I guess we'll have to settle this the new-fashioned way.




 * Huh, that's weird. No network.


 * Me neither. Then I guess we'll have to settle this the old-fashioned way.




 * That's weird, I got no money.


 * Me neither! But doesn't that mean...




 * But money makes the world go round!


 * Wait. If there's no money, how are we supposed to buy stuff?


 * We don't! We just take it. The foundations of civilization have collapsed. It's every man for himself!




 * I shouldn't have done that.




 * Oh no, we're buried under a pile of potahtoes!


 * Why, you–


 * People are tearing each other apart! Call the paramedics, call the fire department, call the police!




 * And the fashion police.




 * We need help!


 * Request denied.


 * Bobert? You're behind all this?


 * My analysis identified mankind as the main threat to life on this planet. The rational solution is to accelerate your extinction.




 * Bobert, I order you to stop!


 * Order invalid. You are part of the threat yourself. Terminating conversation in 3...2...1...




 * Quick! We have to stop Bobert before he...saves the world?

Face to Face with Bobert



 * Commencing final extinction in T minus 10. 9. 8–


 * You've got mail.


 * Attachment detected: Gumball and Darwin. Illogical. Life forms cannot attach themselves to email.




 * We didn't, but we knew it would distract you. Please don't make us extinct!


 * We're not all that bad!


 * According to my data, mankind exploits its resources and destroys its environment. One day, it will colonize space and destroy more environments.


 * Yeah, but surely in these new environments we'll need to grow trees and raise animals, so we're preserving life.


 * Yeah, so we can burn and eat them.


 * The closest comparison to mankind is a virus. It must be terminated. Resuming countdown. 8. 7.




 * Mankind is a virus. All life on Earth should be preserved, even virus.


 * That's it! Bobert, you can't destroy mankind because, uh, uh... If mankind's a virus– No, uh. Nevermind, I lost it.  Carry on.
 * That's it! Bobert, you can't destroy mankind because, uh, uh... If mankind's a virus– No, uh. Nevermind, I lost it.  Carry on.


 * 1–


 * Wait! You said all life should be protected. Even a virus. So you can't make us extinct!


 * Extinction protocol conflict with life protection protocol. Illogical argument detected. Terminating extinction protocol.
 * I'm glad that's over. So, how about a little help with our homework?
 * I'm glad that's over. So, how about a little help with our homework?