Last Meal

(The episode starts out with Muscle Man in his car on his way to Starla's eating a bag of chips and listening to rock music. He almost passes by her apartment but he backs up the car. He rings the doorbell and quickly licks the chip crumbs off his shirt.)

Starla: (Opens the door) MITCH! (Kisses Muscle Man)

Muscle Man: Wow, babe, you look lovely.

Starla: And you look... (notices Muscle Man's not wearing the same shoes) uh, why are you wearing two different shoes?

Muscle Man: (Tries to look but he isn't able to see his feet) um, geez, babe, I guess it's been a while since I've seen my feet. I've been taking a lot of power lunches lately.

Starla: (Sighs) Mitch, you know you'll always be my power lunch, but I think maybe it's time we start eating a little healthier.

Muscle Man: I guess I could try eating the salad instead of just throwing it in the trash.

Starla: (Gasps) I know, let's go on a diet!

Muscle Man: (Confused) huh?

Starla: (Takes Muscle Mans hands excitedly) I'll do it with you, it'll be fun! (Hugs Muscle Man)

Muscle Man: Alright. I'll do whatever it takes to make my fun bun happy.

Starla: PERFECT! Our diet starts tonight.

Muscle Man: You mean after we go to Cheezers?

Starla: No, right now! I know a new restaurant we can try. (Voice distorted) Salad Corral.

(Transition to the house where Mordecai, Rigby, and HFG are watching a horror movie together and making fun of it. In the movie a monster's chasing a couple who run into the woods)

Mordecai: (Sarcastically) Yeah, run into the woods, that's safer.

Mordecai, Rigby, and HFG: (Laugh)

(In the movie a monster chases after the couple. The monster looks cheesy instead of scary)

Rigby: (Sarcastically) Oh no, it's the curse of the dude in the cheap rubber suit.

Mordecai, Rigby, and HFG: (Laugh)

(Muscle Man runs in)

Muscle Man: Bros, it's an emergency!

Mordecai: What's up, Muscle Man?

Muscle Man: It's terrible! Starla's starting me on a diet tonight!

Rigby: (Patting Muscle Man's fat stomach) Sounds like she did you a favor.

HFG: (Referring to MM's stomach) if it gets any bigger, we're gonna have to add it to the park payroll.

Mordecai, Rigby, and HFG: (Laugh)

Muscle Man: This isn't funny! Sometimes you gotta make sacrifice for the one you love. So will you help me, bros? One final scarf down before the buffet closes?

(Mordecai, Rigby and HFG all agree to help Muscle Man)

Muscle Man: (Takes off his shirt and twirls it in the air) WHOO! (Goes up to the bowl of chips and eats some in a very sloppy way) SEE YOU TOMORROW, GRANDMAS! (Leaves)

Rigby: (To Mordecai and HFG) You want anymore of these?

HFG: Nah.

Mordecai: No, I'm good.

(The next scene takes place in Muscle Man's trailer the next day. Muscle Man has a map laid out with restaurants on it)

Muscle Man: Alright, here on this map you can see all the best food joints in the city. Cheezers, Wing Kingdom, Death Kwon Do, and finally Hot buns.

Mordecai and Rigby: Hot buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuns.

Rigby: THAT'S THE BEST DOGGERY IN TOWN!

Muscle Man: YOU KNOW IT, BRO! You dudes are gonna come along with me for moral support and talk to Starla if she calls. I'm not gonna lie to her about cheating on this diet, but I don't care if you do.

Mordecai: AW, WHAT!?! How's that any different than...

Muscle Man: (Hands the phone to Mordecai) It's ringing, bro!

Mordecai: (Takes the phone) hello?

Starla: Oh, hey, Mordecai. Can I talk to Muscle Man?

Mordecai: Muscle Man can't talk right now, he's outside doing...(sees Muscle Man eating whipped cream)... leg lifts?

Starla: (Impressed) WOW, REALLY!?! Can you tell him I can't wait to get a hold of his ripped glutes?

Mordecai: (Uncomfortable) Yeah, uh-huh, maybe, bye. (Hangs up the phone and sighs)

Muscle Man:Alright, bros. Fives will drive us cause he's skilled with his hand. (High fives HFG). LET'S DO THIS!

(A montage starts of Muscle Man and the guys going to several restaurants on the map. Finally they stop at Hot Buns)

Muscle Man: Well bros, here we are. The final stop. One more Hot Buns hot dog and I'll be ready to start that diet.

Mordecai: (Looking around at all the people) Wow, it's even more crowded than usual.

(Muscle Man goes up to the employee)

Employee: Hey Muscle Man.

Muscle Man: Yo, Marty! How is it going bro?!

Muscle Man: One of your delicious hot dogs, please?

Marty: No can do bro. We need all our hot dogs for the hot dog eating contest.

Muscle Man: Come on man, one hot dog? For me?

Marty: My hands are tight man. The only way to get one of our dogs today is to join the contest.

Muscle Man: (Determined) Well then sign me up, bro!

Marty: Here you go!

(The employee hands him a sheet which he signs his name on)

Muscle Man: Ah, my last delicious meal.

(Evil laughter is heard and Death comes out riding on a motorcycle)

Death: More like "your delicious last meal."

Mordecai: Death!?! What are you doing here?!

(The gang gasps)

Death: Boy! You guys really are fools. Don't you remember?

(Flashback to the episode Dead at Eight. Mordecai, Rigby, and Muscle Man had just gotten done babysitting Death's son Thomas.)

Death: So don't expect it to be so easy to get one of your souls back next time! Which will be soon, what with Muscle Man entering that hot dog eating contest.

Muscle Man, Mordecai and Rigby: (Laugh as if Death was only joking)

Death: (Serious tone) Seriously, you're gonna die in a hot dog eating contest.

(Back to the present)

Muscle Man: But I just wanted one more hot dog before getting healthy for Starla. I'm not a real entrant in the contest!

Death: Oh yeah! (Shows the top of the paper which says "Sign up sheet for real contest entrants" then throws the paper back at Muscle Man) Your reading skills are rubbish!

Muscle Man: (worried) I never should've done this!

Mordecai: (To Muscle Man) It's a plain piece of paper, dude. Just don't participate.

Death: He has to participate! If he doesn't, (Holds up his axe) then I'll just take his soul right now!

Rigby: (Defending Muscle Man) No way! You don't just get to take people's souls if they haven't done anything! You're just jealous of Muscle Man livin' his life! Muscle Man's lived more life in one day than you have in a thousand years!

Death: (Protesting) What!?! I do too live life! I live all kinds of life!

Rigby: (Scoffs) Yeah right! Listen to this guy. (Imitating Death) "I've got so much life." (Normal voice) He's probably never even had the guts to enter a hot dog eating contest.

Death: (Protesting) Not true! I'm all about competitive eating! I haven't lost a hot dog eating contest since Muscle Man's' hairstyle was a legitimate fashion statement!

Rigby: (Teasingly) Was that before or after your skin started looking like grated Parmesan?

All 3: (Muscle Man laughing) Ooohhh! Parmesan skin!

Death: (Enraged) Give me that! (Signs his name on the paper) If I win this contest, Muscle Mans' soul is mine!

Mordecai: Fine, but if Muscle Man wins, he doesn't die!

Death: Which isn't very likely, seeing as Muscle Mans' stomach's is almost full. Catch you gents on the flip side. (Puts his ax against Muscle Mans' throat) Flip side of the ground that is. (Walks away laughing evilly)

Muscle Man: My stomach fears no reaper, bro! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!

(Transitions to the hot dog eating contest)

Referee: Welcome to the annual Hot Buns hot dog eating contest! Whoever eats the most dogs within 10 minutes wins! And remember, if you can't hold down what you put in your mouth you are disqualified!

Death: (To Muscle Man) Hope you're hungry.

Muscle Man: (Moans nervously)

Referee: Ready? CHOW DOWN!

(Muscle Man and Death start eating as many hot dogs as they can, Death's pretty much cheating by using his magic powers to stuff the hot dogs in his mouth. Muscle Man's having a hard time eating the hot dogs. Muscle Mans' phone rings and Mordecai answers it)

Mordecai: Hello.

Starla: Hey, Mordecai. How's my wing king doing?

Mordecai: (Lies to Starla) Uh, good.

Starla: Tell him I'm making us a healthy dinner.

Muscle Man: (Weakly) Is that Starla? Let me talk to her!

Mordecai: (Covers the speaker on the phone) But you told me to cover for you!

Muscle Man: (Weakly) This is it, I'm not gonna go out on a lie. NOW GIVE ME THE PHONE!

(Mordecai hands the phone to Muscle Man)

Muscle Man: (On the phone with Starla) Babe, listen up, I've got something important to tell you, and you're not gonna like it.

Starla: (Suspiciously) Okay?

Muscle Man: I know I'm supposed to be on a diet, but I'm in a hot dog eating contest against Death and I'm about to lose.

Starla: (Furious) WHAT!?!

Muscle Man: I've only got a few minutes left and I just wanted you to know, I love you!

Starla: (Calm tone) Stay right there, Mitch, and don't give up! (To her mother) mom, stop the car, Mom! my man needs me!

(Starla's mom gets out of the car and waves to Starla as she drives away to go help Muscle Man. At the contest Death's laughing evilly while Muscle Man groans. Starla drives through the crowd honking the horn on the car)

Muscle Man: (Weakly) huh?

Starla: Mitch!

Muscle Man: (Weakly) Starla! (He falls down)

Starla: (Runs up on the stage) MITCH! (Muscle Man's very weak at this point which worries Starla) you can't die!

Muscle Man: I'm sorry, babe! I'm sorry I lied to you and hurt you like this. (Time whining) Even if I had to eat wheat germ for the rest of my life, I'd do it if it meant one more day with you. Well, I guess in that case the rest of my life would only be one day, (Turns away from Starla) but... you know what I'm saying.

Starla: (Turns Muscle Man's face around and looks deep into his eyes) OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! That's why I love you with all my heart.

Muscle Man: (Touched) Really, you love me that much?

Starla: Wholly and truly. And because of that I won't let you go without one more taste of your... most... favorite... food.

(Muscle Man and Starla start making out intensely and passionately as the audience watches in disgust. They start spinning around as they continue making out)

Rigby: Are people allowed to do that to each other?

Death: (Queasy)''' I don't feel so... '''(pukes)

Referee: DISQUALIFIED!

(The audience cheers for Muscle Man because he won the contest)

Death: (About Muscle Man and Starla) WELL, WHO WOULDN'T GET SICK!?! AREN'T YOU SEEING THIS!?!

(All the hot dogs that were floating in the air falls and the audience except Mordecai and Rigby leave in disgust)

(Death begins to leave and Marty makes fun of him as he passes by)

Marty: Hey loser! Here's your complimentary shirt, you loser! (Holding up a T-shirt that says "I GOT DOGGED AT THE HOT BUNS DOGGERY" while laughing mockingly at Death)

Death: (Furiously) You better enjoy the next few days, cause your deadline just got moved up, BIG TIME!

(Death leaves on his motorcycle as the back tire splashes mud onto the countertop, Marty, and the shirt he's holding)

(Scene changes to Muscle Man and Starla on the stage talking about their diet)

Muscle Man: I'll eat that wheat germ if it makes you happy.

Starla: Didn't I tell you? I got us Wing Kingdom brand wheat germ. It's southeast Asian Buffalo Ranch.

Muscle Man: You know me so well. (Starts making out with Starla again)

(Mordecai and Rigby are standing there watching)

Rigby: (To Mordecai) You think we should tell Muscle Man there's a hot dog sticking out of his pocket?

Mordecai: (To Rigby) Nah, he'll figure it out for himself.

End