Bad Mood Rising

-Aladdin and friends are flying through the sky on Carpet-

Aladdin:  -sighs happily-  Nothing like a little diplomatic mission. -picks grapes for Abu- Pretty cushy, eh, Abu?

Jasmine: Aladdin, opening trade with Quarkistan is a very important assignment.

Aladdin: Oh, I won't let you down, Jasmine. Remember, you and I are gonna be together forever.

Jasmine: Hmm. So, you do know a bit about diplomacy.

Iago: Yeah! Like a cockroach knows quantum physics!

Jasmine: The very model of diplomacy.

Genie: So, what did this gem cost ya, Al?

Aladdin: Ha, ha, ha! You can't buy a diplomatic post, Genie.

Genie: If ya believe that... perhaps I can interest you in the Brooklyn Bridge. Special low price. One time offer.

Jasmine: Quarkistan’s just over these mountains.

-see dry land over mountains-

Aladdin:  -gasps-  This is Quarkistan?

Iago: We want to trade with this place? Terrific! We'll import all the pestilence and misery we need! -earthquake under Aladdin’s feet-

Aladdin: Jump, Abu! -falls into gorge, yelling-

Jasmine: Aladdin!

Mamood: Wazeer! Wazeer!

Wazeer: You bellowed for me, your highness?

Mamood: There's a speck in the royal milk!

Wazeer: Why, yes there is a teensy-weensy little...

-king getting angry, an earthquake starts-

Wazeer: That is, an enormous, vicious speck. I'll get you a fresh glass right away. -exits throne room-  Oh, he's in fine form today. Earthquakes and thunder already and we aren't even through breakfast. I just hope the delegation from Agrabah cheers him up or all of Quarkistan is doomed.

-Genie holding earth open as beam of steel-

Jasmine: Hurry, Carpet!

Aladdin:  -holding onto sharp rock-  Carpet! -falls-  Ahhhhhhhhh!

-Carpet catches him--he gets out of gorge unharmed--Genie flies into air--Aladdin and Jasmine hug-

Iago: I hate to interrupt you two..! -sees Genie falling towards him-  This is going to hurt. -Genie lands on Iago-  It's gonna be one of those trips.

Wazeer: I do hope your visit cheers the king. He's been in such a foul mood since his birthday party.

Jasmine: You mean nobody came?

Wazeer: Everyone came, but no one told him about it... and that's the result. You see, Quarkistan is an enchanted land. When the king is happy it's bright and fruitful, when he's glum it's gloomy.

Aladdin: What about when he gets mad?

Wazeer: Oh, pray you never find out.

-ominous music similar to the music from "Jaws" plays-

Iago: Why do I have the feeling we're gonna find out?

Genie: Maybe it's because I did this. -in the form of a bass violin, playing the ominous music-

Wazeer: You see why I’ve offered this treasure to anyone who can lift the king's spirits.

Abu:  -stares at huge amount of treasure offered as reward-  Oooooooooo!

Iago: Oooh! Let's do it! Can we!? Can we!? Huh!? You know how I love to spread joy.

Genie: I can throw my voice. -literally--lips land on floor-  Catching it is another matter.

Aladdin: Well...

Abu: Oh, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!

Aladdin:  -sighs-  Why not.

Genie: It's show time!

Jasmine: Aladdin, this is a diplomatic mission not a circus.

Aladdin: Hey, what's the harm in a few theatrics? In the name of diplomacy, of course.

Wazeer: Oh, please? Say you'll try?

Jasmine: Well... all right. But let's keep it low key.

Genie: You've got it. Nice and low key and subtle. -enters throne room with Abu and Iago--Genie playing drums loudly-

Iago:  -in spotlight-  Presenting the Baffling Genieoso!

Genie: Behold! The ever amazing linking rings! One ring! Two rings! One more ring and we've got a circus. Three rings, quick. Answer it before they hang up! Four rings, five rings!

-tosses rings up in air--rings capture Genie--king yawns-

Genie: Okay, forget the rings. Let's see some real fake magic! The eternally puzzling sawing a woman in half trick. -saws fake woman in half--opens the box and looks inside-  Ew..! No problem. -erases box-  Everything under control. Let's just pretend we didn't try that one, all right? The always nominally interesting disappearing milk trick! -milk falls out of newspaper-  Oh, oh, why I’ve simply ruined my curly toed pumps!

-king yawns-

Genie:  -being sarcastic-  You're too kind. Thank you.

Iago:  -panicking-  Uh, and now the amazing Aladdin and his dancing swords!

-king not impressed-

Iago: Ahhhhhhh! Al, we're in trouble here.

Wazeer: It's not working!

Iago: More swords! That's what we need! -takes sword from guard-  Thanks, big fella. -throws it to Aladdin-  Heads up, Al!

-Abu grabs a sword from a guard-

Guard: Hey! My sword!

Aladdin: Wait! I've never juggled this many before!

Mamood: Really? Now that's interesting.

Wazeer: It's working! It's working!

Mamood: More swords!

Iago: Why is there never an arms dealer around when you need one!?

Genie: Did you say  -grows four arms holding swords-  arms! I got arms I haven't even used yet.

Aladdin: Genie! No more swords! Ahhhh!

-Aladdin trips and throws the swords, pinning king to throne-

Wazeer: I can't look!

Mamood: We are not amused!

Aladdin: Please, give us one more chance!

Mamood: Well...

-Genie, Iago and Abu play music on kazoos, Mamood gets angry and they are all struck by lightning-

Genie: Audiences like this could kill Vaudeville!

Wazeer:  -sighs-  It was worth a shot.

Jasmine: King Mamood, I’m sorry. They were just trying to help.

Mamood: If you really want to help... leave!

Jasmine: We're going. -idea-  Come on, Aladdin. Let's go before something really bad happens. Like what happened to the Golden Prince when he met the King of the Genies.

Aladdin: What?

Jasmine: Shhh!

Mamood: Wait! You can't leave until you tell me about the Golden Prince! How'd he meet the King of the Genies? Was he really golden or just kind of yellowish?

Jasmine: Well, it happened like this. One day the Golden Prince went to a great festival in the marketplace...

Aladdin: Ya think this'll work?

Wazeer: We'll know soon enough.

-a peasant couple are working in their barren fields-

Haroun: It's no use, Sali'a. Since the king's bad mood set in the land will grow no food. If things don't change soon...

-seeds sprout-

Sali'a: Haroun, look!

-land is wonderful-

Haroun: The king must be... happy!

Jasmine: And from that day on, the Golden Prince lived a most pleasurable life.

Mamood: That was great! I mean you must tell me another story tomorrow.

Wazeer: Quarkistan is saved!

Iago: Ooo, I love a happy ending.

Wazeer: Of course you know the princess must remain with us... forever.

Aladdin and Abu: What!?!

-Jasmine trembling-

Aladdin: I wouldn't leave Jasmine for all the treasure in the world.

Iago: It's a curse! My life is cursed!

Aladdin: Come on, Jasmine! We're going home!

Jasmine: But...

Mamood: No! Guards, stop them! Princess Jasmine is staying with me!

Aladdin: Can't we negotiate this?

Mamood: No! Jasmine must never leave Quarkistan!

Jasmine: But Agrabah is my home, Mamood, and now it's time for me to go. You understand, don't you?

Mamood: I understand... that I have to take what I want! Guards! Seize them!

-Jasmine gasps--fight breaks out--Aladdin traps the guards under a fallen tapestry-Aladdin and Jasmine start running away-

Guard: Get them!

Genie:  -as a treadmill beneath the guards' feet-  Stop ahead! -stops suddenly, tripping them-

Iago:  -stealing the treasure-  One of these, oh, and this... -the guards crash into him- Awk!

-Aladdin and the others get on Carpet-

Mamood: No! This isn't what I want!

-an earthquake starts--the ceiling begins to collapse-

Wazeer:  -looks at land-  Oh, my!

Aladdin: Uh oh!

-they start to fly out a window but it is blocked by lava-

Aladdin: Look out!

Iago:  -lugging a sack full of treasure-  Oh, sure, let the bird do all the...

Mamood: Somebody, stop them!

-Guards start running towards Iago, but Genie saves him--everyone escapes the palace-

Mamood: Wazeer, fetch my horse!

Aladdin: Higher, Carpet!

Genie: No good, Al!

Aladdin:  -looks down upon land which is covered with lava flows-  This is terrible!

Genie: Ew...

Jasmine: Quarkistan is worse than ever... and I’m to blame.

Aladdin: Don't say that, Jasmine. You know it's not your fault.

-Carpet falls-

Aladdin: Carpet! Carpet!

Genie: Hang on, Al! I'm coming! -is hit with a blast of lava-

-Carpet continues to fall-

Jasmine: It's no use!

Iago: Pull up! Pull up!

-everyone falls-

Abu: Ouch!

Iago: Ooo, that hurt!

Aladdin:  -gasps--sees Jasmine's motionless body-  Jasmine! -turns her over-

Jasmine: Mmm. Aladdin! We're alive!

Abu: Ow, my head!

Iago: Now if that pumice-headed genie would just make an appearance...

-Genie, covered in dried lava, lands on Iago--everyone laughing-

-a mob of villagers approaches-

Villager 1: Hold it right there! Take them to the caves!

Aladdin: ...so, we were left with no choice but to fight our way out.

Haroun: So, you're the reason we all have to take shelter in these caves!?

Jasmine: Yes, I’m afraid I am.

Villager 2: Turn her over to king Mamood! That will calm him down!

Sali'a: Stop! You should be ashamed of yourselves! The princess has done nothing wrong. Just because we suffer is it right to force suffering on others?

Villager 3: My family will starve!

Villager 4: The king!! The king is here!

Mamood: Hand over Princess Jasmine... or I’ll really get mad!

Jasmine: I can't let innocent people suffer because of me. I... I have to go with King Mamood.

Aladdin: No! You can't! Jasmine! Jasmine! Don't do this! Please!

Jasmine: I was raised a princess, Aladdin... and a princess knows the needs of the people outweigh her own.

Aladdin: But... but you-you can't!

Mamood: Back to the palace!

Jasmine: Goodbye, Aladdin!

Aladdin: Jasmine.

-in the morning-

Aladdin:  -chipping Genie free of his outer concrete shell covering--sulking over Jasmine-  I can't believe Jasmine's really gone.

Iago: What a bunch of gloomy gusses! The king's happy! There's a fortune waiting for us at the palace! Life is good! With that treasure we can buy our own palace!

Aladdin:  -sighs-  Full of empty rooms.

Iago: Every meal will be a banquet!

Aladdin: Eaten all alone.

Iago: We'll go everywhere! We'll do everything!

Aladdin: And it won't mean a thing without Jasmine!

Iago: Uh, does the term 'wet blanket' mean anything to you?

Genie: Excuse me. I don't hear the sound of happy hammers out there.

Aladdin: Oh, yeah. Sorry, Genie. -chips him free-

Genie: Pee-yew! -sprays himself with deodorant-  Ah, and they say this stuff lasts for three days.

Aladdin: It isn't fair! Why do I have to give up Jasmine just because of some kid's temper tantrums?

Genie: Ah, don't be too hard on the king, Al. He doesn't know how miserable he's making everybody.

Aladdin: Hey! Now there's an idea!

Genie: Huh? Where?

Mamood: What story are you going to tell me today?

Jasmine: The story of a poor boy — a street rat they called him — who was foolish enough to love a princess. He was a clever boy, and very funny, and extremely handsome.

Wazeer:  -sees Aladdin on Carpet flying towards palace-  What? What's he doing here?

Mamood: Not him again! He's come to take you away!

Jasmine: No! And if he has I... I won't go.

Mamood: If you've come for Jasmine...

Aladdin: Hold on, your highness. I just came to say... goodbye.

Mamood: Oh, very well, but make it short!

Aladdin: Farewell, my princess. Remember that I’ll always love you.

Jasmine: Farewell, Aladdin. My love.

Aladdin: If your excellency will permit, Jasmine's mother and father would also like to say goodbye.

Jasmine: My mother?

-Aladdin puts his finger to his lips-

Genie:  -outside throne room-  Your cue, thespians! -turns Iago into Jasmine's mother Abu into her father-

Iago: Oh, no! There is no way that I am gonna...

Genie: This is a good look for you and it could be permanent.

Iago:  -rushes to Jasmine-  Oh, how I’ll miss my only daughter.

Jasmine: But you're not...

Iago: You owe me big for this one.

-Abu enters-

Jasmine: Father?

-Abu screeches--covers his mouth-

Aladdin: Uh, clearly he's speechless with grief.

-king crying--it starts to rain-

Jasmine: I hope you know what you're doing.

Aladdin: Trust me.

-multiple Genies enters in many different forms-

Aladdin: And let's not forget your saintly old grandfather, the orphans from the village, and your pet wallaby, Edgar!

Mamood: Stop! I can't stand it! Go home; go home to your loved ones.

Wazeer: Oh, wonderful. Now he'll really be miserable.

Mamood: I feel really... good. Why didn't you tell me it felt so good to do things for other people? Let's do more good stuff. Release all the prisoners! Refund the taxes! What else? I know! We'll make everybody a vizier!

Wazeer: Now let's not go too far.

-Genie changes Abu and Iago back-

Iago: I can't believe we came out of this without any treasure.

Genie: Speak for yourself, oh flinty-hearted one. Aladdin's got his treasure.

-Aladdin and Jasmine kissing-

Iago: Oh, for crying out loud! Are you trying to make me nauseous!? Hey, there could be kids watching this!

THE END