Bye Bye Boo Boo

I'm Tammy Larson with Wagstaff School News.

Our top story: Boyz 4 Now has broken up.

Son of a bitch!

It's true. I'm not kidding, I wish I was kidding, I am not kidding.

Anyway, here's Jocelyn.

They're breaking up because Boo Boo is going solo, but who cares about Boo Boo because everyone cool likes Griffin.

Or Alan.

Jocelyn, how are the fans taking it?

(mumbling): And I can't even think about it...

Stop it, Jocelyn. ‭(sobbing)

Don't you cry or I'm gonna cry.

(both crying)

Louise!

Geez, Tina!

Boyz 4 Now! Boo Boo!

Did you hear?

‭I heard.

Pull yourself together.

We need each other right now.

Come here.

(groaning)

I'm fine, let go!

Fine, like you're a mess fine?

Tina, Boyz 4 Now is your thing.

I could care less.

But remember when we went to the concert and you kind of lost your mind?

Listen, some freak thing happened to me at that concert but then I slapped Boo Boo's face and now I'm cured.

Slap therapy, Tina.

Ask your doctor.

She's happy and slappy!

Well, I'm glad to hear that...

‭Thanks.

But the Boyz 4 Now fan club I belong to is having an emergency meeting after school.

It would mean a lot if you went with me.

Why would I go with you, Tina?

Did you not hear me just now?

I did, it's just...

I could really use some sister support today.

I think she means from you.

Okay, Tina, I'll come.

Thanks, Louise.

Who wants to join my Tater Tot club?

We're meeting right now!

What's he doing out there?

Maybe he's wondering the same thing about us, Bob.

Yes, this is the place.

Hi, can we help you?

Ah, that corner.

That's where he got shot.

Shot?! Who got shot?

Somebody got shot?!

Yes, The Grunt got shot right there.

Who's The Grunt?

What the hell's a grunt?

Dominic "The Grunt" Gruntanno, one of the biggest bootleggers on this stretch of coast, and he was gunned down right here in 1931.

That's pretty interesting.

Here, have a look at the crime scene photo.

Bob: Whoa. ‭LINDA: Ugh!

Aw, and it looks like he just got his steak.

Whoever shot him was good at shooting someone a lot.

I'm Dr. Donald Wallace, and I'm researching a book on this area during Prohibition.

This restaurant is a big find.

Do you want me to try to get you a plaque?

I'm on the board at the Historical Society.

I love plaques!

It's like jewelry for buildings.

Uh, I-I don't know if we need a-a plaque.

Bob, take the plaque!

All the best restaurants and benches have plaques.

Ooh, I love benches.

Bob, take the plaque.

We'll be like a bench.

Oh, my God.

This is where we have the meetings.

It's Krissy's house.

She's president of the fan club.

Great, great.

If you get emotional in there and need a break, let me know.

Not gonna happen, but thanks.

Also, this is a shoes-off house, so do your best to act like that's not weird.

(doorbell rings)

Hello, Tina.

Krissy!

Shoes go here, right?

Here they go.

Louise: Whoa, depression is in session.

Everybody, this is my sister, Louise.

She's sitting in with us tonight.

Oh, welcome, Louise.

I'm Krissy.

My favorite Boy 4 Now is Griffin.

Ashley, favorite boy, Alan.

Robin, favorite boy formerly Boo Boo, now A.B.B.B.: Anybody But Boo Boo.

(crying): Carly, Griffin.

(crying): Becca, Alan.

(sobbing)

I'll go. I'm Krissy's dad.

Favorite boy depends on my mood.

Usually it's Matt, but in dark times like these, Griffin's really my guy as far as...

Shh, shh, not your moment, honey.

We're all hurting. Everyone's hurting.

Okay, everybody, let's get started.

First I'd like to say, what the fudge, right?!

(all yelling)

Who the hell does Boo Boo think he is?!

Honey... ‭(groans) No, sorry.

We were all thinking it. ‭Yeah.

Official motion to boycott Boo Boo's solo album and all future merchandise.

I second.

I third.

The motion passes.

Noted.

Sorry, Louise.

No skin off my butt.

Before we continue, I want to show you something.

As fan club president, I receive special, exclusive e-mails from Boyz 4 Now and select corporate partners.

Some pretty deep discounts on merch.

Snap up the T-shirts, guys.

Today's e-mail came with a video.

(gasps) Boo Boo!

I mean... I don't care.

Hey, Boo Boo Boosters.

I miss your smiles.

A lot has happened lately.

I've grown as an artist and also in my body.

It was time for me to spread my wings and fly away from Boyz 4 Now.

Matt, you're like a dad to me 'cause you're so old.

Griffin, Alan, you know what you did.

Boo, boo!

Wait, that's confusing.

Are you saying "boo" or "Boo Boo"?

"Boo" twice.

God, Ashley, come on.

Anyway, it's all good, 'cause I'm dropping my first solo album, Tall Enuff 2 Ride Your Heart.

♪ I'm tall enough to ride your heart

Keep your arms and lips inside my car... ♪

Ew, this song is bad.

It's crap!

Awful, pandering crap.

Geez, ah!

To promote the new album, I'm gonna be kicking it at some super fun amusement parks.

He's coming to Wonder Wharf.

Boo Boo's coming to Wonder Wharf?

Huh, okay.

If you help get the word out, you and your friends could win a ride with me on a grown-up roller coaster because I am big enough to ride one, I am!

Me and my friends could win a ride with him on a grown-up roller coaster.

Go to my Web site and turn your Boyz 4 Now fan club into a Boo Crew, and the heart I ride might be yours.

Turn your fan club into a Boo Crew?

Ugh, we hate Boo Boo!

All: We hate Boo Boo! We hate Boo Boo! We hate Boo Boo!

Great.

We hate Boo Boo!

Lots of fun.

We hate Boo Boo!

So... bye.

Louise?

(panting)

(moaning)

I'm gonna ride a roller coaster with you, Boo Boo, you disgusting, beautiful, garbage angel.

It happened right here, kids, right here.

A gangster got plugged in this corner.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

Mm.

Package for Tina.

Oh, Tina, you got a package?

Oh, no, Aunt Gayle's been saying she's gonna send me all her old bras.

This must be it.

You'd better share.

Come on, Tina, sign the thing.

The man's got other deliveries.

Pretty heavy, should I help you carry it up to your room?

Yes, I should.

Come on, let's go.

I got another one here.

Are you gonna give it to us?

I don't know, is it gonna be a whole long thing like the last one?

No, no, we'll-we'll make it pretty quick.

Oh, it's from the Historical Society.

They must have sent the plaque.

Jealous?

‭I'll live.

I want to be like you, Mike.

You want to be a billionaire who delivers mail for fun?

What?!

‭Just kidding.

I'm not a billionaire, but I'm rich in mail.

Get ready, T.

You're gonna love this.

Surprise!

You just joined the Boo Crew!

I didn't sign up for that.

Right, I signed you up, and Boo Boo's people sent a package with everything you need to get out there and win that roller coaster ride!

And best of all?

I'll ride with you.

You know, chaperone.

Make sure you crazy kids don't get into trouble.

But Boo Boo's the reason Boyz 4 Now broke up.

I have a Boo Boo boo boo on my soul.

Why don't you do it without me?

And how would that work, exactly?

This is your world, T.

Right, but you're the one who has a crush.

I do not have a crush on Boo Boo.

I slapped him out of my system!

I slapped him out!

Okay, but at the concert you were not...

I don't even remember that concert and I do not have dreams about it ever.

Sure, sure.

So, you don't get chills when you hear Boo Boo sing...

♪ Let me dry your tears

Because you just pierced your ears ♪

(moans) ♪ You have tears in your ears, girl ♪

(grunts) ♪ You have tears in your ear... ♪

Stop! The line is, "Are those tears in your ears?"

It's a question!

Whoops.

‭Aha!

Okay, Tina, we can play the gotcha game, but here's the truth: today you don't like Boo Boo, but tomorrow you might, and you'll be kicking yourself for not entering this contest.

What if the fan club finds out?

We took a motion.

We did a chant.

Chants are not legally binding in our state, okay, Tina?

You're right, and you're my sister.

I-I want to do this for you.

Okay, we're doing it for you, but yeah, great, let's do it.

Bobby, think about it.

It could go right here.

I don't know.

Do we really want to be the murder restaurant?

If it comes with a plaque like this, sure.

So official.

We're like the White House.

Hey, what are you doing, Bob?

Putting up a warning sign?

Danger: Dumb Guy Inside. (laughs)

Zoom!

Good one, Jimmy.

‭Yeah.

Whoa, there was a mob hit at this place?

No fair, how did you get something cool?

Hmm... well, bye.

Hey, I-I-I love mob stuff.

I-I mean the clothes, the dames, the movies.

Oh, I love the movies!

Okay, see you later.

Johnny Dangerously.

Joe Piscopo in his prime.

Now, that's the movie that made me want to be an Italian.

So, you gonna put this, uh, plaque up or what?

No, we're not.

You're not gonna do anything at all with this, huh?

Uh... no.

Huh... good to know.

(laughs) Good to know.

W-Wait, that doesn't mean you can do something, Jimmy.

Bada bing, Bob.

This is still our mob hit.

I can't hear you over me saying, "Bada bing, Bob!"

Bada bing.

Linda, stop it.

It's fun to say, it's Italian.

It's not Italian.

Jimmy (muffled): Bada bing, Bob.

Bada bing.

Stop saying "Bada bing"!

Boo Boo's coming to Wonder Wharf this Saturday.

So, the crew that gets the most sign-ups for Boo Boo's e-mail list wins the roller coaster ride.

Am I missing something?

Can it be that easy?

Our Boo Crew is just you and me.

Kind of more of a Boo Two.

Not if we have Gene...

You had me at "Not if we have Gene." and that makes three, and maybe we'll scout around, fill out the ranks a little bit.

Who's gonna help us?

Right now everyone hates Boo Boo except us.

It's like that Boyz 4 Now song, "Girl, Everyone Hates You Now Except Us."

What we need are a couple of cold-blooded mercenaries who will do anything for the right price.

(gargles) Now you try it.

(gargles) Now you try it.

This stuff is great!

Let's try to breathe it!

Okay!

(Andy and Ollie coughing)

Andy, Ollie, I know you guys got a lot going on right now, but we need your help.

Yay! ‭Yay!

Hello, kind sir, sign up for Boo Boo's mailing list?

Are you walking away 'cause you want me to follow you?

We didn't get any e-mails, but Ollie found a paper clip.

And Andy found a hundred dollars.

Trade you for that paper clip. Okay!

Oh, no.

‭What?

It's Krissy. If she finds out about our Boo Crew she'll be... ‭Tina?

Krissy, crazy running into you here.

Does your shirt say "Boo Crew"?

No, it says, "boo-merang" because I like boomerangs, because I'm from Australia.

G'day, mate.

‭Nice.

Move the clipboard for a second?

What clipboard? This clipboard or your clipboard?

You don't have a clipboard.

Krissy, are you okay?

Look at this hardworking Boo Crew.

Boo Boo forever, right?

Gene.

Tina, you joined a Boo Crew?!

What the hell?!

What happened to my boomerang shirt?

This is actionable.

You're out of the Boyz 4 Now fan club, Tina.

You're out!

‭Krissy, please...

Okay, everyone's getting a little hot.

We're all just people wearing T-shirts, trying to get through the day.

I've made my decision.

Hand over your membership card and forget the secret handshake.

Forget it!

I lost my membership card, and I never really knew the handshake that well to begin with, it keeps changing, so...

I know it.

How do I know it?

Good-bye, Tina.

(nervous groaning)

(nervous groaning)

Tina?

You with me, girl?

I loved that fan club, and Krissy just tossed me aside like one of Griffin's sweat towels after he does the Maniac dance during the Boyz 4 Now cover of "Maniac," which appeared on their covers album We Got You Covered!

Easy, girl, easy.

(sighs)

I don't know if I can do this.

Whoa, quitting is not an option.

Do you hear me?

Okay, maybe just... you know, take some Tina time.

Gene, uh, rub her back.

Let me know how my pressure is.

(groaning)

You've sacrificed a lot, Tina.

We all have.

Not really.

Yeah, mostly Tina.

Bup, bup, bup, shh!

We are so close to winning this thing, I can just slap it.

I mean, taste it.

What's happening over at Pesto's?

Okay, okay, gather around.

Bob: Oh, my God.

I told you he'd do this.

So, recently some kind of history guy came over and gave me the best news of my life.

Back in nineteen-eleventy-seven, a real-life mobster was gunned down in my restaurant.

You got to be kidding me, Jimmy!

It happened right here, folks, in this very establishment.

He's lying!

It happened at my restaurant!

Right over there!

Oh, yeah?

Then how come I'm the one with the plaque?

(crowd gasps)

He bada-binged us.

"On this spot in Prohibition times, a mobster got whacked while eating. This became the basis for the hit film Dick Tracy."

What?! That's ridiculous!

Hold on, Bob.

The guy from the paper wants a picture.

Cheese pizza!

Now I'd like to invite everyone to come in and...

(à la Tony Montana): say hello to my little drink specials!

(laughs)

Rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat.

Rat-a-tat-a-tat-tat-da-da-da.

Jimmy, you can't just put up a plaque and make it true.

I have history on my side!

Easy, easy, Bob.

It's okay.

History's dumb, everyone knows it.

It's like, been there, done that.

I can't believe it.

We've been doing this for three days.

We haven't gotten a single e-mail for the mailing list.

People do not seem to trust us with their personal information.

Here we go, two live ones coming.

Excuse me, hi!

Do you have a moment to chat about Boo Boo or... where are you going?

‭Sorry.

They're getting away! Blockers, get them!

Windmill arms!

(girl yells)

Your loss!

You're really bad at this.

Robin?

‭What do you want?

Look, I shouldn't be here, but things have gotten kind of weird in the club.

After Krissy kicked you out, she called everyone over to her house and, I'm not gonna lie, Tina, some horrible things were said about you and Boo Boo.

Mostly about Boo Boo?

Mostly you...

Right, right, right.

And mostly by me, but here's the thing: you gave Krissy the idea to turn the fan club into a Boo Crew.

Really?

But they hate Boo Boo.

Exactly.

When Krissy suggested entering Boo Boo's contest, we were all like, "What?"

But her plan was diabolical.

She said she wanted to win that roller coaster ride with Boo Boo, eat a bunch of junk food at the wharf, and go from Boo Crew to Spew Crew.

I like that the last part rhymed but I don't think I know what it means.

I mean they're gonna throw up on Boo Boo.

Oh, no.

‭What?!

Yup, they're gonna get every snack on the Wharf: chili... (Tina and Louise gasping) chili boats... tacos... taco boats... corn dogs...

Don't say corn dog boats!

Corn dog boats... (yells) and it's all gonna be on Boo Boo's face.

They're going puke-ular.

Why are you telling us this?

'Cause I used to like Boo Boo and I don't like throwing up on people.

I like throwing up on people.

I mean, I don't love it, but I'll do it.

Tina: Mm.

Boo Boo may have broken up the band, but at the end of the day...

Boo Boo was the band.

Exactly.

I mean, hmm, you think so?

Cool perspective and no wonder people are so upset.

And by the way, Krissy's got, like, a million sign-ups.

What?! We can't get anyone to sign up!

How does she do it?

Her Dad signed everyone up at his company without them knowing.

It was crazy.

I think he might go to jail.

Krissy and her dad aren't the only ones who can play dirty.

Yeah, Krissy's mom, too.

No, I meant us.

(cheerful music plays)

Just look at him out there.

(Jimmy laughing) Unbelievable.

Forget him, Bob.

You didn't want to put up the plaque, anyway.

That's not the point!

He's lying, Lin, he's a total fraud!

Jimmy's not gonna get away with this.

Bob, what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna call that history professor.

Oh... tough guy!

We got a lot of sign-ups.

I think we might just have a shot at this thing.

I mean, you might, Tina.

I-I don't care.

It's okay for you to be excited, Louise.

Yeah, it's okay for you to be excited.

Right... listen, every day at around 2:30, my armpits get sweaty...

Okay... and I used to hate raising my hand in class to answer a question, but one day I had to say, who cares?

I have swampy armpits and I'm gonna answer all the questions I want.

I'm swampy and I'm proud.

Tina, where are you going with this?

I'm saying, just because you think something is embarrassing doesn't mean you have to be embarrassed by it.

We all have our swampy pits.

My swampy pits is swampy pits.

Maybe your swampy pits is Boo Boo.

Mm-hmm, have you tried Dad's deodorant?

It's, like, military grade.

He gets it on the Dark Web.

Good morning, Boo Boo Boosters!

It's a beautiful day to love Boo Boo!

Oh, I hope we win!

That's what I was hoping, too.

We're going to win.

Boo Squared is gonna be out here in a bit, but first let's find out which lucky Boo Crew won the Ride a Roller Coaster with Boo Boo contest!

Ah... the suspense is...

Krissy Davis' crew, that's who won.

Oh, no!

(Krissy cheering)

Hell yes, Krissy! Hell yes, Krissy!

Sorry, I should have drawn that out more, made it suspenseful.

No!

All right, let's get the winning Boo Crew up here onstage!

This can't be right.

Recount, recount!

So, Krissy, you and your crew are seconds away from meeting Boo Boo.

How do you feel?

(mumbling)

(laughs) Lovely girl.

Oh, my God.

She's gonna be so full of corn dogs.

Hey, look out!

(music blasting)

She's gonna throw up on Boo Boo!

They're all gonna...

Boo Boo, everybody!

(gasps) Boo Boo!

Boo Boo's big enough to ride!

Yeah!

Just kissing the line there.

Now let's get these crazy kids on the roller coaster.

(yelling)

No, no, no, no.

You're not allowed up here.

You don't get it! They're gonna...

(Louise groans)

Their puke is on your hands!

I mean, it's gonna be on his face, but...

Thanks again for coming, Professor.

So, the plan is, we burst in there, we get everyone's attention with the photo, and then you tell them where it really happened.

Now I know how Freddie the Face must have felt right before taking out The Grunt.

Where's the plaque, by the way?

You should have gotten it by now.

Huh, I don't know.

Maybe it got lost in the mail.

I mean, I bet that happens a lot with, uh, plaques.

You don't know the half of it.

Okay, here we go.

(indistinct chatter)

All right, now?

Not yet.

It happened right there.

Can you believe it?

Rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat.

That's what it sounded like.

See, I'm good at sounds.

Now? Or...

And he's all... (screams) and the blood's going... wow!

It was like, zoom!

(laughs)

(distorted): It's the best thing that's ever happened to me!

Rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat.

I can't do it.

I've never seen him so happy.

I-I'm calling off the hit.

What?!

I mean, look at him.

H-He needs this.

Taking it away from him would be like taking a toy away from a giant, stupid baby.

But he seems like such a jerk.

He is.

He's what we historians would call a douche bag.

I know.

Here, come back to my place.

I-I'll buy you a burger.

You're my best friend, Bob.

Really?

Uh, okay.

They're having the ride of their lives up there with Boo Boo!

When's it gonna happen?

When's it gonna happen, Robin?!

I don't know!

I left before Krissy worked out the details.

Well, it's got to happen soon, the ride's almost over.

I'm not scared! I'm not scared! I'm not scared! I'm not scared! I'm not scared...

You're crushing it up there, Boo Boo, crushing it!

That was the last turn.

They're almost done.

Maybe they couldn't throw up so they just burped in his face.

Oh, my God.

It was never supposed to happen on the roller coaster.

What do you mean?

A roller coaster is a horrible place to barf on someone.

The barf would get everywhere, it might even miss Boo Boo.

Who's Miss Boo Boo?

Is she our teacher?

All right, time for a photo with Boo Boo and the lucky winners.

Out of my way!

(Louise grunts)

(girls heaving) Hmm. Ooh. Mm.

(Louise grunts)

Move it!

‭Whoa!

Somebody get this girl a barf bag!

Step aside.

Okay, come with me.

It's cool, Meredith.

Come on, girls, don't fight.

There's plenty of Boo for you.

(girls heaving) Move!

He deserves this!

(heaving)

We hate him!

Everybody hates him!

Not everybody.

I... I like him.

I mean, I hate him but I like him!

I-I like him a lot and it's terrible!

That's it, girl.

It makes no sense!

What is he, even?!

He's like a... a piece of candy with hair.

Or like a boy mixed with a baby mixed with a girl.

Mixed with an actor, mixed with an artist, mixed with a model.

Move!

(heaves)

No, I'm not done, but just because he's embarrassing in, like, every way I can think of...

Okay, that hurts.

‭Shush!

Just because he's embarrassing doesn't mean I'm embarrassed.

You hear me, people?

I'm saying it loud and proud: I like Boo Boo!

Yay, Louise.

Oh, swampy pits.

Is it 2:30 already?

Stop... talking... and... move!

Krissy, I get it.

You thought you'd always have Boyz 4 Now and Boo Boo took that away, but if you barf on Boo Boo, you barf on yourself, too...

I mean, there's gonna be splashback... but also you barf on the part of you that liked Boo Boo so much.

Boo Boo's not real.

None of this is real, but what you felt is real... and if you barf on it, then you're gonna have barf on it.

Maybe... you're right.

Oh, God, I can't hold it!

(girls retching)

Okay, can we get a whole bunch of napkins over here?

You're doing the right thing, Krissy.

You know, we've had our differences, but I guess it's time for me to rejoin the fan club.

Okay.

(vomits)

Great, could you show me the secret handshake, because...?

Okay, you're busy.

So, here we are again, face to face.

What do you mean again?

Eh, you might not remember.

Do you remember this?

Oh, my God, how are you?

Okay, let's get you out of here.

Bye, girls, bye!

Can't wait to hear the album!

I'm proud of you, Louise.

Ugh, he's the worst.

I miss him so much.

Boo Boo: ♪ I'm tall enough to ride your heart

Keep your arms and lips inside my car ♪

If you have a heart condition...

♪ I'm tall enough ♪

Consult your doctor before riding.

Don't raise the safety bar...

♪ Tall enough ♪

When the car is in motion.

Don't be scared, girl.

♪ I'm tall enough ♪

I will protect you...

♪ Tall enough ♪

And so will the safety bar.

♪ Ooh

I'm tall enough to ride your heart

Keep your arms and lips inside my car

Ooh ♪

Do not attempt to exit the car...

♪ I'm tall enough ♪

Until we come to a full stop.

♪ Tall enough ♪

Oh, look, they're selling a picture of us on the ride.

♪ I'm tall enough ♪

You look really scared.

Not me.

♪ Tall enough

I'm tall enough

Ooh

To ride your heart

Keep your arms and lips inside my car. ♪