Much Abu About Something

(Setting: the Marketplace)

Merchant: Fish! You smell it, I sell it!

(Abu jumps out of a window holding a loaf of bread.)

Iago: Hey, that's my lunch, monkey!

(Iago dives after Abu, who jumps out of the way.)

Iago: Now I'm hungry and I'm ticked!

(Abu runs through the wheels of a cart. Iago tries to follow him, but gets stuck in the wheel. Abu sits and laughs at him, until the cart hits a bump, throwing Iago out and landing him in Abu's lap.)

Iago: My bread! (snatches it back, starts to take a bite, then stops) Wait, what is this, day-old? I'm supposed to eat this?

(Abu takes the bread back and eats the whole loaf.)

Iago: Hey, I was gonna eat that!

(Abu blows a raspberry and runs away, toward Farouk's fruit stand. Iago chases him.)

Farouk: Fresh, delectable fruit! Taste is sweeter than honey!

(Abu and Iago look up at some melons on Farouk's stand and their mouths start to water.)

Iago: You know, Farouk can claim his fruit is sweet, but do we know that?

Abu: Nah!

Iago: We owe it to the Marketplace consumer to to put this assertion to the test!

Abu: Huh?

Iago: Let's eat the fruit.

Farouk: Melons! Dripping with dew! Picked by dawn's light!

(Iago holds Abu's tail with his feet and lowers him down, where he picks up a melon. Farouk turns around and sees them.)

Iago: No, no, the big one!

Farouk: Thieves!

(Farouk draws a knife and slashes at them, but misses, slicing the melon in half. The two halves land on each of his feet. Abu waves goodbye as Iago flies them away.)

(Elsewhere in the Marketplace…)

Aladdin: Abu! Iago!

(Aladdin and Carpet are on top of a bridge looking for the two animals.) 

Aladdin: Any sign of 'em?

(Carpet shrugs.)

Aladdin: Well, they haven't been gone long enough to get into trouble. Have they?

Farouk: (from below) Taste my blade, monkey!

(Aladdin jumps on Carpet and flies toward the sound of Farouk's voice.)

(Iago and Abu are still flying away from Farouk. Abu says something in monkey-speech to Iago.)

Iago: You flap your arms and see where you get! (turns a corner into an alley) This way. Never find us. (runs into a wall)

(Farouk enters the alley and looks around.)

Iago: Dead end! Well, maybe it wasn't exactly this way…

Abu: Oh, boy.

Farouk: (seeing Abu) Aha! I smell a thief! I see a thief!

Abu: Uh oh!

Iago: Bite 'im in the kneecap!

(Farouk tries to catch Abu, but he runs behind his back.)

Farouk: Do you know what I do to—

(Abu jumps up and pulls Farouk's hat over his eyes, tightens his belt, then starts to run away.)

(Suddenly, the scenery around Abu begins to change. Everything becomes brighter and more simplified, like in a dream. Then the scenery changes and we can see the silhouette of a tower with the sun overhead. Ghostly voices are coming from the tower, calling for help. Suddenly, giant glowing eyes and jaws with sharp teeth appear and start snapping at Abu. Just as he's about to be eaten, the vision ends, and Abu is back in the Marketplace again.)

(Farouk tries to grab Abu, but he runs out of the alley and jumps into a pile of clay pots.)

Farouk: You won't get away! Say goodbye to your thieving paws!

Abu: (at the top of the stack of pots) Goodbye! (drops the pot on Farouk's head)

(Aladdin reaches down from a bridge and pulls Abu up.)

Aladdin: Abu, I may not always be there to save you!

Abu: What? (does some karate moves) Hai ya! Hai ya! Huh.

Iago: Oh yeah. Uh huh. You really had that big galoot running scared!

(Another vision begins, and this time Aladdin, Iago, and Carpet can see it too. We can see the tower in more detail now, and it is actually a city at the top of a giant rock formation, in a jungle. The jaws start chasing them again, but they all jump on Carpet and fly away. Aladdin takes out Genie's lamp and rubs it.)

Aladdin: Genie!

Genie: Ooh!

Voices: (from the city) Help me! Help me! Help me!

(The vision ends.)

Genie: Agrabah has cable! (turns into a TV) You're watching the Mystic Vision Channel. Terrifying visions and weather on the hour!

Aladdin: No! Somebody needs our help!

Iago: That would be one interpretation.

Aladdin: How do we find that place?

Genie: (changing the channel) Adventures in Adventure presents: Ziggarock! Eighth wonder of the world! (shows a picture of the city in their vision)

Abu: Ooh…

Iago: Eighth wonder? Never heard of it.

Genie: (turning back to normal) That's because wonders one through seven have easy freeway access.

Aladdin: Uh, do you know where this place is?

Genie: (pulling out several maps) East of Eden, west of Waikiki, and north of Nome. Ah, there's no place like Nome…

Aladdin: Ziggarock, Carpet.

(Carpet points in the direction it is.)

Genie: Kid's got a genie and he takes advice from a rug.

Aladdin: (on Carpet) Come on!

(Abu digs himself out from under the pile of maps.)

Abu: Huh?

Genie: Honest mistake! (pulls Abu out of the pile)

(Setting: Ziggarock, in the evening. Aladdin and his friends are flying towards the city.)

Aladdin: There it is! Just like the vision!

(They fly to the top of the rock and into the city. Abu points to a man standing on a rock outcropping making an announcement.)

Man: The day has come!

Woman: (leaning out of a window) It's Liberation Day!

Boy: (running outside) Liberation Day!

Man 2: Liberation Day!

(Everyone in the city runs out into the street, cheering and chanting "Liberation Day!")

Man: (watching Carpet fly by) Liberation Day has come!

(Carpet lands in the center of town, near the man who was making the announcement earlier.)

Iago: Liberation Day? What does that mean?

Genie: School's closed and no mail.

Man: I am the shaman of Ziggarock. You answered the call. You are our Liberator.

Aladdin: Liberator?

Shaman: The prophesy said he shall come upon a flying cloth to free our land from its peril.

Aladdin: Huh, well, I have been known to—

Shaman: Except, the Liberator seemed so much… bigger in the prophesy.

(The shaman points up at a giant statue of a monkey who looks like Abu.)

Aladdin: It's Abu! So those weird visions we saw…

Genie: …were meant for Abu! Who knew?

Iago: (laughing) Abu the Liberator! Look out! He'll bite you in the kneecap! Ha ha ha!

Shaman: Yes. Abu the Liberator. Only he can save us.

Genie: But the big question is, what is he going to save you from?

Shaman: An ancient peril has trapped our people on this mountain for generations.

Genie: Bummer. But you must admit, great view.

Shaman: Only our most fierce warriors can brave the peril in the jungle to bring us food.

Iago: I told you to stop by Falafel King! But no, you hadda make good time!

Aladdin: Shaman, we'll go down to the jungle. We'll get food.

Shaman: Praise to you, Liberator.

Iago: Let's see… food, peril… food, peril… Oh, man, am I torn here. (picks up Abu) Come on, I'm starving!

Aladdin: We'll bring back a feast!

(Everyone cheers as they fly out of the city towards the jungle.)

(Setting: the jungle, a short while later. Aladdin and his friends are looking for food. Abu climbs a palm tree and starts throwing down coconuts, which Carpet catches. Iago tries to catch one i his beak, but almost chokes on it. Abu laughs at him.)

Iago: Jerk.

Aladdin: Okay, Liberator, knock it off.

(A giant shadow looms over the jungle, heading towards them.)

Aladdin: Uh, we can handle ancient peril, can't we, Genie?

Genie: Well, Al, if it were "everyday" peril, no sweat. But "ancient" peril, that's a coin toss. (flips a coin) Heads, you lose your tail, tails, you lose your head.

Abu: Oh… (continues marching, defiantly)

Aladdin: Right, Liberator. We promised food, we'll get food.

Iago: (moaning) Food…

Genie: Look, taboo root! Very exotic, makes a zesty snack!

(Iago swoops down, takes the root from Genie, and eats it.)

Iago: (gagging) There's nothing edible here! This foraging stuff is for the—

Genie: Birds?

Iago: You are so droll.

(Setting: the jungle, at night. They are still searching for food.)

Iago: Look, any stooge knows food only comes from the Marketplace.

Aladdin: And the only peril there is, heh, Omar's prices. (chuckles)

Genie: Leave the comedy to the professionals, okay, Al?

(There is the sound of branches breaking.)

Genie and Aladdin: What's that?!

(Abu hangs down from a branch holding a bowl full of fruit.)

Genie: (as a grocer) Attention, shoppers, stock up on Liberation Day values with jungle fresh produce in aisle nine. (picks fruit from the trees and puts it in a shopping cart)

(As they walk away, there is a loud stomping sound in the distance.)

(A little while later, they've made a huge pile of fruit. Iago sneaks towards it and tries to steal a grape.)

Genie: Nuh uh uh! Not 'till those hungry Ziggarockians eat!

Iago: I'm on the verge of starvation if anybody cares! I've got one claw in the grave, here!

(A Tyrannosaurus rex is standing behind Iago, watching him.)

Iago: What does it take to get somebody's attention around here?! Aah!

Aladdin: Iago!

(The T. rex steps into the clearing and roars at them.)

Genie: Guess this pretty much clears up that ancient peril mystery! Run!

(Everyone jumps on Carpet and flies away except for Abu and Iago.)

Aladdin: What is that?

Genie: Big!

(Abu looks like he's going to try to fight the T. rex, but Genie pulls him to safety.)

(Iago is trapped under a fallen tree. He pulls himself out just as the T. rex is standing over him.)

Iago: I'll go get help! Wait a second! We are the help! (accidentally flies into the T. rex's eye) Aah! (dives down into the jungle, where Carpet catches him)

Genie: (as a referee) Penalty! Illegal use of tail!

(The T. rex swipes Genie with its tail, slamming him flat against a tree.)

Aladdin: This is bad! (looks at the flattened Genie) Genie?

Genie: (dizzy) Don't look at me. I'm stumped.

(Aladdin pulls Genie off the tree, and he changes back to normal. Abu starts walking towards the dinosaur, dragging a branch as a club.)

Aladdin: Abu! You can't!

Abu: Oh…

(Everyone gets on Carpet.)

Genie: Step on it, Ruggster!

Aladdin: Before it steps on us!

(The T. rex snaps at them as they fly away, back to Ziggarock. They land near the shaman.)

Shaman: Well, Liberator? Mission accomplished?

Iago: Well, maybe you didn't notice, but you've got a king-size beast up against a bite-size Liberator!

Shaman: The Liberator must triumph.

Iago: Pinch me, I'm near greatness. (slaps his forehead)

Aladdin: Abu can do it!

Abu: Yeah! Hai ya!

Aladdin: And he has confided his master plan to me! We'll turn things around! Instead of having the people trapped up here, we'll trap the beast down there!

Iago: Oh, sure. How?!

Genie: Allow me. Mountain. (makes a model of Ziggarock) Peril. (zaps Iago so he grows sharp teeth) Explosion! (zaps the model of Ziggarock, which explodes and traps Iago under pieces of rock)

Abu: Nuh uh! No way!

Aladdin: Abu says, "this plan is foolproof!"

Shaman: Ah. Well said, O great one.

Iago: This is the stupidest… hey, do we eat after?

Genie: Once Mr. Fang is trapped, there'll be food for everyone!

Iago: I'm in.

(Abu tugs on Aladdin's pant leg.)

Aladdin: You can thank me later, Abu. After we make a hero out of you!

Iago: I'm picturing a nice [unintelligible]. With garnish! I love garnish!

(Everyone walks away except Abu, who looks sad, and Carpet, who pats him on the shoulder.)

(Setting: later, at the base of the mountain. Carpet draws a giant X on the ground. Iago and Genie, dressed as a construction worker, are on the mountain itself. Genie is reading instructions.)

Genie: (reading) "Insert explosive charge A into rock formation B." (puts a bomb on the side of the mountain) That'll blow it.

Iago: Blow its nose, maybe. (tears up the instructions) Work with me, here; we need firepower!

(A short while later, Genie has covered the entire side of the mountain with explosives.)

Iago: It's a start.

Aladdin: All set?

Genie: Let's roll the rocks! Kaboom! Kablooey! Kaboom! (continues making explosive sounds) Boom boom boom! We're cool. (is about to set off the detonator)

Aladdin: Wait! First we have to draw the beast into the trap!

Abu: Uh huh! (points at himself)

Aladdin: Quit joking around, Abu. We need bait.

(A short while later, Iago is flying around the giant X on the ground.)

Iago: Mom would be so proud to see me now. "I'm the bait, Ma!"

Genie: (as a giant hamburger) How do you think I feel?

(Drops of water start falling on Genie.)

Genie: What now? Rain?

(They look up and see the T. rex standing over them, drooling.)

Iago: Ew! Monster spit!

(The dinosaur roars and snaps at Genie.)

Genie: This burger's to go! (runs away)

(Carpet and Aladdin swoop down and saves Genie and Iago.)

Aladdin: Genie, it's on the target!

Genie: One explosion of catastrophic proportions coming up! (presses the detonator)

(There's an explosion, and boulders start rolling down the mountain, burying the T. rex. Carpet lands on a cliff.)

Aladdin: I… think it worked.

(The cliff they are standing on starts to crumble. Carpet flies them all to safety.)

Genie: It worked.

(The people of Ziggarock start to cheer.)

Shaman: Oh, Liberator! You have triumphed!

(Abu sighs.)

Iago: Thank you, Ziggarock!

Genie: We whupped the peril!

Aladdin: And we made Abu look like a hero. Not bad.

Abu: (sadly) Oh…

(At the bottom of the mountain, a rock rolls off the pile, and we can see the dinosaur's eye open. It's still alive.)

(Setting: Ziggarock, that night. The city is having a celebration. Several people are dancing around a bonfire, while another man roasts a giant piece of meat on a spit. Many others, including Aladdin and his friends, are sitting around tables, feasting. Abu is wearing an outfit similar to the shaman's. Genie and Aladdin are congratulating each other and giving each other high-fives.)

Iago: (stuffing his face) Ooh, this is good. I like this. Oh, this is tasty. Oh, more of that!

Shaman: Citizens of Ziggarock! All hail Abu, our Liberator!

(Abu, still looking sad, waves at the crowd.)

Genie: A big hand for the little monkey, folks!

(The crowd starts chanting Abu's name.)

Iago: (still eating) Pass the mustard.

(At the bottom of the mountain, the T. rex is digging out of the pile of fallen boulders.)

Iago: (to Abu) This Liberator racket's not bad, eh? Now, I don't just see you liberating villages. I see you working entire city-states. You gonna eat that?

Shaman: Just as the prophesy promised, the jungle is ours again.

(The dinosaur has now dug itself out of the rocks. It starts climbing the pile of boulders, which have made a ramp to the top of Ziggarock.)

Aladdin: Abu can do anything… with a little help from his friends.

Abu: Oh… (sneaks away from the table, leaving his Liberator outfit behind, propped up in a pile)

(A boy is carrying a huge platter of food towards the banquet. The T. rex appears behind him, and he drops his tray and runs away, screaming. The T. rex chases him into the center of the city.) 

Iago: (belches) I'm stuffed. Is there dessert?

Genie: (as a chef) Bet they baked you such a cake! (knocks over Abu's Liberator hat) Sorry.

Aladdin: Abu?

Iago: Gone! What an ingrate! We make him look good… Aah!

(There's a stomping sound in the distance as the T. rex approaches the banquet.)

Shaman: It is here!

(The citizens run in all directions, screaming.)

Aladdin: Our landslide didn't trap it?

Iago: No, but it did provide easy access to the village!

(The T. rex is headed towards Aladdin and his friends.)

Aladdin: Whoa! Look out! Genie!

(The T. rex smashes the banquet table while Aladdin and the others run and hide behind the statue of the Liberator.)

Aladdin: All we did was make it mad!

Genie: I think mad is all it does!

(The T. rex eats the meat that was roasting on the spit.)

Genie: Well, mad and hungry.

(The dinosaur turns around, and its tail smashes the statue to pieces.)

(Abu hears crashing sounds and turns around. He sees the T. rex in the distance and growls at it.)

(Aladdin and the others fly away from the dinosaur on Carpet.)

Aladdin: Keep it busy! Give the people a chance to escape! We owe them that much at least.

(They fly around the T. rex's head. It whips at Carpet with its tail. It misses Genie and Iago, but Carpet and Aladdin are hit and fall to the ground. Aladdin is unconscious. Carpet is walking around, dazed, but the T. rex knocks over a building, trapping Carpet underneath. The dinosaur walks towards Aladdin.)

Iago: Look out, kid!

(Genie and Iago run towards Aladdin. The T. rex steps on Genie, flattening him.)

Iago: Come on! Snap out of it! It's time to make some magic! Please!

(Aladdin wakes up and sees the T. rex heading towards him. Abu runs up the T. rex's tail.)

Aladdin: Abu! No!

(The T. rex starts chasing its tail, trying to get Abu off.)

Iago: Stay back, you dumb monkey!

Genie:  (still flattened and delirious) Back, mum dunkey!

(As the tail is swinging back and forth, trying to shake Abu off, he sees a bunch of bananas nearby. He grabs them and climbs up the T. rex's back, towards its head. He squeezes the bananas, splattering them into the dinosaur's eye. As it shakes its head, Abu slides down its back. He grabs more fruit off the ground and starts throwing it at the T. rex. It chases Abu towards the edge of a cliff. It tries to pounce on Abu, but loses its footing and falls off the edge of Ziggarock. As it falls, its thrashing tail crumbles the rock Abu is standing on, sending him over the edge as well.)

Aladdin: Abu!

Shaman: Where is our Liberator?

Aladdin: He's… gone.

Iago: I told the monkey to stay back, but he wouldn't listen to me. He never does… did.

Genie: (freeing Carpet and giving him a hug) I know, rug-man. Nothing any of us could do.

Shaman: I do not understand. This was not in the prophesy.

(Suddenly they hear Abu crying for help. They look over the edge and see Abu clinging to a cliff below. Carpet flies down and gets him.)

Iago: (hugging Abu) Abu! You're okay! (suddenly angry) And you're lucky, too, you stupid, stupid monkey!

(Abu runs up to Aladdin and hugs him.)

Aladdin: Abu, we didn't have to do anything to make you a hero. You were a hero all along.

Abu: Well, you know…

Genie: Here he is! The monkey of the moment! The chimp who would be champ! Abu the Liberator!

(The people cheer.)

THE END