Rebel Without a Glove

Give me a wrench. - Porky! - Huh? Oh, sorry, I was studying. Studying? Yeah, I went back to school. Oh, boy. I figured the catering business can be such a roller coaster. It's good to keep your options open. Besides, I've always loved school. You know, for two people that spend a lot of time together, we really have nothing in common. Ah, that should do it. What were you fixing? Nothing. But women love a guy who works on his car. Are those Bugs' gloves? Got to protect my delicate hands. Women love a man with a soft touch. What you winkin' at? Don't you wave at me! Well, most women. Daffy! - What's up? - Where are my gloves? Oh, I washed them. Why would you wash them?! Because they were covered in grease and oil. You're welcome! My gloves are dry clean only! - I said I was sorry. - No, you didn't. Look, let's not split hairs. Why do you even wear gloves? Because, I've always worn them. It's who I am. Why do you wear that thing around your neck? Grand mummy, one day when I'm grown, will you give me your pearls? I wear this for medical reasons. They've shrunk! You shrunk my gloves! But what would I expect from someone named "Daffy"? What's that supposed to mean?! I got to have some gloves in here somewhere. What's wrong with my name? Look it up. "Daffy--adjective. Foolish, insane, brainless, crazy. " This explains so much! No wonder I've always been treated with such disdain; why no one's given me the respect I deserve! It certainly can't be because of my manner or anything I've done. It's because of my name. I have to change my name! Good-bye, Daffy! Hello Ah, well, I'll think of something. Do these gloves look weird? Daffy? How do you say "taco" in Spanish? Taco. Ta co. How do you say, uh, burrito? - Burrito. - What?! So Spanish and English are the same? That's crazy. Ehh. I, uh, I think you push it. Hey, Bugs, where you been? I've been waiting a half an hour. I got lst. What do you mean you got lost? You come here all the time. I know, uh, I don't know what's wrong with me. Oh, you poor thing. Let me get you a glass of water. Or, as they say in Spanish, a glass of water. Hola, senor Bugs. Can I get you the usual? Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. The usual. What's my usual? A personal carrot pizza. Carrot pizza? Who puts carrots on pizza? Are you ok? You seem strange. I just don't feel like myself. I--I don't know what it is. Here you go, bun bun. Where are your gloves? My gloves! I'm not myself because I don't have my gloves! Oh. Well, I have an extra pair in my purse if you want to borrow mine. What are these? Pearls. - Pretty, huh? - I can't wear these! I've got to get my gloves back. Ooh, maybe Daffy will want these. They'll match his necklace. Eh, can I help you? This isn't the parking lot. I've got to get my gloves back. These are all baby names. I don't want people thinking I'm a baby. They're not just for babies. That's usually when people get their names. Let me see. What about John? John? John Duck? That sounds like jaundice! Like I'm all yellow and sickly. How about William? William? Willie? Silly-Willie-daffa-dillie? Who would say that? All the kids on the playground. What playground are you on? I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of your name, anyway. Easy for you to say! You don't know what it's like to have your name be a source of ridicule and embarrassment. You've got it easy! Your name's Porky-- Well, you'd make a good John. John pig. Strong. Oh, there's my political science teacher. Professor Johnson! Professor. Professor Duck. You've got to respect that. I'm afraid we don't carry white gloves for men anymore. What? Why? Well, because it's not the 1800s. But I need them! We can special order them, but it might take a while. Do you have any other gloves? I really need a pair of gloves! Well, it's summer, so we don't have that many options. Just get me a pair of gloves! Where are the fingers? It's all they had. Now, thanks to you, I'm this guy. Daffy, where's the remote? Daffy. Hello, Daffy! Ohoh, I'm sorry. Were you talking to me? Because if you were, my name's not Daffy. Check this out. You got a wallet? Not that. This. - Porky's credit card? - What? No, not that. This. Professor Duck? I changed my name. Daffy, Professor is not a name. It's a title-- that you have to earn! I did earn it. By going down to the courthouse and paying 14 bucks. Well, I used Porky's credit card. So what do you think? I think I'm going to get a tattoo. What? Why? I don't know. I just feel like it. Sorry if that hurts. I didn't know you started. Thanks for driving me to class. I didn't know how I was going to get the cake there in one piece. Who's it for? My teacher. Each tier represents a branch of government. This tier represents the legislative branch, this tier is executive branch, and this is the judiciary branch. Again. We have nothing in common. Professor Johnson! I've got a surprise for you. Is it another cake that somehow represents whatever we talked about in the last class? The nine gumdrops are the supreme court justices. Even their gavels are edible. Ooh, I better get inside before someone gets the seat closest to your desk. Oh, thanks for the ride, Professor! - You're a Professor. - That's what they call me. How would you like to take over my class? - What? - That pig is driving me crazy. Please! There are only a few classes left. All you've got to do is follow the lesson plan. You'll figure it out. You're a Professor. Professor Johnson! Don't forget about our pop quiz today! I'm begging you. Beat it. You're in my chair. - But I was just-- - Leaving. Ain't nobody heard of service around here? Hey, senor Bunny! What's with the shouting and the double negatives? Cool it, pops. I'm just blowing off some steam. Pops?! Who you calling pops? Just bring me a slice, old man. I'm not bringing you anything. You know what, get out of here. I reserve the right to refuse service to anybody. I don't want your stupid pizza anyway! Hey, watch where you're a'goin'! Or what? Uh nthin'. Anyone else? That's what I thought! Huh? What? All right, class, settle down. My name is Professor Duck. That doesn't look right. Ah, one "F", two "S". That's weird. I've got to memorize this. Professor Johnson has asked me to take over your class. So for the next few weeks, I will be your guide as we journey to a wonderful place known as Political science. No, you may not use the restroom. Let's see what we're learning today. What are you doing?! I'm teaching your class! You're not a teacher. Excuse us for a moment. Now just because you changed your name doesn't make you a Professor. Then why do I have a classroom full of students waiting for me to go back in there and teach them? Because I shouted your name across the parking lot and my teacher must have thought you were a real Professor. - Professor. - Professor. Please don't blow this for me! You don't understand. Things like this don't happen to Daffy Duck. But Professor Duck has a chalkboard. Elbow patches! Glasses! I don't know. It's unethical. - I'll give you an "A". - Deal. I can't see out of these things. I'll take it! Meep meep! Meep meep! All right, class. Today we'll be focusing on the executive branch, specifically the presidential cabinet. Now, as we all know, the president is a very important person. So it would only be fitting that his cabinet would be made of very expensive wood. Probably a mahogany or a cedar. Definitely not pine. Pine would be more for a vice president cabinet. Now, what's the president got in there? This is one of the greatest mysteries in all of political science. And though it remains unsolved, I have a theory! It's not a cabinet at all. It's a portal. A portal that transports the president wherever he wants to go. The grocery store, the gym, maybe his favorite frozen yogurt place. What on earth is going on out there?! What has gotten into him? Hey, hey! Get out of here! My kids are trying to learn! You want to throw your life away? That's your prerogative! That's what happens when you don't stay in school. Thanks for letting me do my laundry over here, mom. Don't they have a washer/dryer at your apartment building? They do, but it takes coins. And I used up all my coins making this shirt. Oh, mom, I think something's wrong with your dryer. Who is that? It's Bugs! That's not the Bugs I know. That's not the Bugs I know, either. But I kinda like it. Where do you think you're going, young lady? Wherever he'll take me! I forbid you to go out with that hoodlum. But daddy, I love him! Go to your room! I don't even live here anymore! Well, then, go to your old room that your mother turned into her scrapbooking room! Get off my property, Thugs Bunny! Bun bun! I'll come back for ya. You know, we were young once. That doesn't look like it's got enough red marks. Maybe I'll circle this, maybe three question marks here. "X" this out, underline this real aggressively. What do I do here? Oh! Frowny face. Better luck next time, Melanie. How about a little respect? You're not the boss of me. Go ahead, run away. You don't understand me! No one understands me! You're not going to find what you're looking for on the streak. How do you know? Because I used to be just like you. I wasn't always a respected member of society. In fact, I used to be so wild and crazy, they actually called me "Daffy". Why should I trust you? Maybe you shouldn't. But give me the chance. Come to class tomorrow, All right, class. I guess that's everyone. Today we're going to talk about checks and balances. Room for one more? Always. Ok. Checks. Money. Balances. Balancing on a tight rope. He makes it, gets a check. These are high buildings, probably for a million dollars. I learned a lot in there today. Well, you've got a bright future. And don't ever let anyone tell you different. Thanks again Professor. Hey. You promise me you'll keep up with your studies. He doesn't even go to school here! You promise me you'll keep making a difference. He's not a real Professor! You know, it's funny. You dedicate your whole life to academia, and you never imagine that one day, a student will walk into your class and teach you the greatest lesson of all-- Trust. Trust. Who are you guys?! Give me those. Glasses. Trust. What are they talking about? Is that a flaming carrot? Where do you think you're going? Bugs is picking me up. You'll probably never see us again. We're probably going to join a motorcycle gang and have a bunch of motorcycle babies. So later! Have fun. Bugs? Look! My gloves finally arrived. What happened to your bike? Oh, I sold it. Be right down. Almost ready. Thanks, grand mummy. And thank you, Lola. Ooh, don't go too fast! Ooh! You gave me an "F"?! You said you'd give me an "A"! I wanted to. I really did. But I just didn't think you had a firm grasp of the material. Thanks a lot, Professor. - Oh, I'm back to Daffy. - How come? Professor's too hard to spell. Daffy's simple. D-a-f-y. Boom. Easy. Oh, here you go. My credit card? You're going to notice two $14. 00 charges on there to the courthouse. Oh, and one $700 charge to contemporary male. Corduroy sports coats are expensive.