What Happens at Howdy's Doesn't Stay at Howdy's


 * Jimmy: I'm not sure she's ready fpr her first sleepover. Maybe I should cancel my bachelor party.
 * Sabrina: No, then I'll feel guilty about having my bachelorette party, and I won't be able to enjoy watching a... very muscular half-man, half-tripod gyrate in my no-fly zone.
 * Jimmy: Well, there is not going to be any of that happening at my party. We're just gonna be hanging out, layinf Mad Libs, see what it's like to play beer pong sober-- never done that. And then, after a while, if we're still going strong, maybe we'll check out Jay Leno's take on the day's events.
 * Sabrina: Oh, come on. Don't make me do this alone. When we compare notes, we should both feel shameful.
 * Jimmy: No, I mean... the last time I went wild, I knocked up a serial killer. In fact, every time I've gotten wild, I've made bad decisions. In high school, I became a Goth freak and I pierced my wang-doodle.
 * Sabrina: That explains the whistling noise when we were getting frisky the other night. You know, I thought somebody put on the teakettle.
 * Jimmy: Nope. I've got a tiny, whistling hole in my wang-doodle.
 * Burt: What's that?
 * Virginia: Uh, nothing. Just some... boring girl stuff I brought for the bachelorette party.
 * Burt: So boring you had to hide it in the vegetable crisper?
 * Virginia: (Sighs) Okay, fine. It's bad of penises.
 * Burt: Whose are they, and why do they have to be kept crisp?
 * Virginia: I went to the novelty store to pick up some things for tonight, and I couldn't stop myself! They has penis hats, glasses, socks. But not all of it was dirty stuff. They also had these salt and pepper shakers that were shaped like little mushrooms. No. Wait. I just realized something.
 * Burt: Ooh, I see you got some vagina-shaped pasta.
 * Virgina: No, these are just shells. I stopped by Howdy's.
 * Burt: That is not fair. You're gonna have a crazy night with the girls, and for my first bachelor party. I don't know exactly what's gonna happen, but I've heard the words "mocktails" and "jigsaw puzzles." so I don't have a good feeling.
 * Virginia: You should be proud that your son isn't a pervert. I mean, we might have made some mistakes here and there, but we were obviously classy parents who made a good example. Ooh! My boner scones are ready.
 * Jimmy: Okay. That's the last word. So the story is, "I was 'bored' "in my 'bored' hat and went to my... "'boring' room, where I saw "a 'bored' that was eating my giant 'this sucks.'" I don't think that even makes sense. Oh, hi, Tyler. Hey, I think you got the wrong house. We didn't order any pizzas tonight.
 * Tyler: I'm not here on pizza business. I'm a videographer. That's why I brought my assistants, my son and his friend, who was unfortunate enough to be sleeping over tonight. The pizzas are our dinner since the gentleman who hired us refused ti provide food.
 * Frank: It's a job, man, not a buffet.
 * Jimmy: Frank, this doesn't need to be recorded.
 * Frank: You could say that about every single Matthew McConaughey movie ever made, but that didn't stop Hollywood, and it won't stop us.
 * Virginia: You're all going down. Though I guess that is kind of the point of the game.
 * Shelley: Bitches, you didn't stand a chance. I have low self-esteem and I'm hungry.
 * Maw Maw: I haven't paid a speeding ticket since 1962. You're about to see why.
 * Sabrina: Okay. On the count of three. One, two... Stripper time!
 * Pizza Boy: Somebody order a pizza?
 * Virginia: Sabrina, we didn't order a... ...a stripper. That's a real pizza boy.
 * Pizza Boy: Please don't judge. I get free pizza and I sit in a car all night.
 * Barney: Oh! Ah. I found the corner piece.
 * Burt: This is a bachelor party. I want to go in the bathroom and find a tiger. I want to get punched in the face by Mike Tyson. I want to wake up on the roof of a Las Vegas hotel.
 * Barney: Like that movie The Hangover.
 * Burt: Didn't see it.
 * Jimmy: This is a low-key night-- we're not gonna have that kind of party. You can turn off the camera. Nothing crazy is gonna happen.