The Saint

In the Library

 * Sh!
 * [To bottle] Sh! [Drinks]
 * [Quietly] Dude. You're not allowed to bring food into the library! You might damage one of the computers!
 * [Mockingly] Oh, no -- Scary drink! What would happen if I spilled it? [To computer] Ooooooh!
 * [Normal voice] What do you take me for -- some kind of klu--uhh! [Slips on chair]
 * [Grabs Darwin] Dude! I'm a goner! The Librarian is gonna hang me, quarter me, roast me, feed me to the dogs, pick up the pieces, rebuild me, and… and say really mean things to me!
 * Dude, calm down. The Librarian is pretty chill. She'll understand it was an accident.
 * Who… did... THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII... ?! [Screams and charges at them frantically]
 * It was I.
 * Detention!
 * Dude, why?
 * It's okay. [Gets pulled away]
 * Who… did... THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII... ?! [Screams and charges at them frantically]
 * It was I.
 * Detention!
 * Dude, why?
 * It's okay. [Gets pulled away]
 * It's okay. [Gets pulled away]
 * It's okay. [Gets pulled away]

Testing Alan

 * Dude, why would he do that?
 * Because he's pure! That's not even the nicest thing he's done! Remember the swimming pool?
 * Somebody help! Who knows CPR?!
 * I do.
 * Come on! Come ON!
 * But, Alan, what about you?!
 * There are more important things than me.
 * [High-pitched] I will never forget this, Alan! [Cries on Alan's body]
 * He was so disgustingly nice, I threw up puppies for days. But you know what? I bet he isn't really that nice! Everyone has a breaking point, and I'm gonna prove it to you!
 * Why on earth would you want to do that?
 * For science! And because the people deserve to know! And because I got nothing else to do today. [Walks away]
 * For a dude with no thumbs, he sure does give a lot of thumbs up.
 * Well, it doesn't cost anything, and it might just buy someone a smile.
 * [Evil voice and eyes] I will break you!
 * What?
 * Someone over there needs your help for like two minutes.
 * Always happy to help!
 * Alan, make it three.
 * [Laughs] You got it!
 * Right. [Goes to computer] What status update will ruin his life? [Laughs] I know. [Types] "Oh, my gosh! Why are there so many drawn people in Elmore? Go back to your flat country and stop ruining our economy!" [Updates status] Nobody likes a 2-Dist.
 * Oh Alan! So, did you help 'em?
 * Everyone was okay, but I made them even more okay!
 * [Confused] What happened?!
 * I just assassinated your social life. What are you gonna do about it?
 * Thank you. Now I get a chance to befriend them all again. [Flies away]
 * I WILL BREAK YOU, MAN!!! No one's this nice! NO ONE! Because if they were, I'd have to ask some very difficult questions about myself!
 * Always happy to help!
 * Alan, make it three.
 * [Laughs] You got it!
 * Right. [Goes to computer] What status update will ruin his life? [Laughs] I know. [Types] "Oh, my gosh! Why are there so many drawn people in Elmore? Go back to your flat country and stop ruining our economy!" [Updates status] Nobody likes a 2-Dist.
 * Oh Alan! So, did you help 'em?
 * Everyone was okay, but I made them even more okay!
 * [Confused] What happened?!
 * I just assassinated your social life. What are you gonna do about it?
 * Thank you. Now I get a chance to befriend them all again. [Flies away]
 * I WILL BREAK YOU, MAN!!! No one's this nice! NO ONE! Because if they were, I'd have to ask some very difficult questions about myself!
 * Thank you. Now I get a chance to befriend them all again. [Flies away]
 * I WILL BREAK YOU, MAN!!! No one's this nice! NO ONE! Because if they were, I'd have to ask some very difficult questions about myself!
 * I WILL BREAK YOU, MAN!!! No one's this nice! NO ONE! Because if they were, I'd have to ask some very difficult questions about myself!

Framed

 * What does Alan look like again?
 * He's got this cheesy, noble expression all the time, like this.
 * Make sure you get it exactly right. Don't forget any details.
 * [Draws] Okay, I think it's done!
 * What? You said, "don't forget any details."
 * That'll have to do.
 * What's this for, anyway?
 * Why are we -- w-why are we laughing?
 * Well, whatever it is sounds like it's gonna be a funny surprise!
 * Principal Brown, is there a reason you wanted to see us?
 * [Accented] Yes, but I'm not Principal Brown.
 * That's right -- it's me.
 * [Clears throat and slides file] Open it.
 * It's a prescription for butt cream?
 * Yes. I'm afraid Alan's been cheating on you...with everyone -- and I mean everyone -- and everything.
 * [Wipes lips]
 * [To Alan] What have you got to say for yourself?!
 * Uh…
 * Yes, Alan. What do you have to say for yourself?
 * Come on! I can take it!
 * I… I…
 * Where does this leave us?! What am I supposed to think?!
 * Carmen, I love you too much to tell you how to feel.
 * Well, I'll tell you how to feel!
 * Single! [Slams door]
 * [To Darwin] Any minute now.
 * Here it comes.
 * [Makes the face] Gumball, I'm not angry with you, because when you truly love someone, you have to know--
 * WHY- [Bangs head on table] CAN'T [Bangs head on table] I [Bangs head on table] MAKE [Bangs head on table] YOU ANGRY?! [Collapses]
 * Come on! I can take it!
 * I… I…
 * Where does this leave us?! What am I supposed to think?!
 * Carmen, I love you too much to tell you how to feel.
 * Well, I'll tell you how to feel!
 * Single! [Slams door]
 * [To Darwin] Any minute now.
 * Here it comes.
 * [Makes the face] Gumball, I'm not angry with you, because when you truly love someone, you have to know--
 * WHY- [Bangs head on table] CAN'T [Bangs head on table] I [Bangs head on table] MAKE [Bangs head on table] YOU ANGRY?! [Collapses]
 * [Makes the face] Gumball, I'm not angry with you, because when you truly love someone, you have to know--
 * WHY- [Bangs head on table] CAN'T [Bangs head on table] I [Bangs head on table] MAKE [Bangs head on table] YOU ANGRY?! [Collapses]

The Last Meatball

 * [Singing] I'm eating spaghetti and meatballs. But I'm saving the meatballs till last!
 * Now it's time for the very last meatball-
 * Ha ha! Oh, no! I stole the last meatball! Mmm! [Rubs it over his face] It tastes so good 'cause it's the only one left! MMM! The secret ingredient is your despair!
 * But I always save the best part of my meal for someone who deserves it more than I. I wanted you to have it for being such a great friend.
 * Ha ha! Oh, no! I stole the last meatball! Mmm! [Rubs it over his face] It tastes so good 'cause it's the only one left! MMM! The secret ingredient is your despair!
 * But I always save the best part of my meal for someone who deserves it more than I. I wanted you to have it for being such a great friend.
 * But I always save the best part of my meal for someone who deserves it more than I. I wanted you to have it for being such a great friend.
 * But I always save the best part of my meal for someone who deserves it more than I. I wanted you to have it for being such a great friend.

In the Classroom

 * Am I going too far?
 * No no no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.
 * So, what's the surprise?! I can barely contain myself! [Squeaks excitedly]
 * I sold your parents.
 * What?!
 * I said, "I sold your parents."
 * (TV): Now, who wants to see balloon tricks? [Grabs Alan's mom]
 * (TV): No! Please! I have a son! [Gets twisted] Dexter, make it stop!
 * (TV): JESSICA!
 * Dude, how can you be smiling at this?!
 * Look at the happiness they're bringing to those children. It's beautiful. Also, they're balloons, you know. It's not that bad.
 * (TV): They've made me into a hat!
 * Dude, how can you be smiling at this?!
 * Look at the happiness they're bringing to those children. It's beautiful. Also, they're balloons, you know. It's not that bad.
 * (TV): They've made me into a hat!
 * (TV): They've made me into a hat!

Alan's Secret to Life

 * HOW CAN YOU NOT BE ANGRY AFTER ALL I'VE DONE TO YOU?! [Gasps] After all I've done to you. I made you lose all your friends, your girlfriend, sold your parents. Even worse, I ate your last meatball -- all of this to prove you can be just as bad as me? Could it be that… that… that I was wrong?
 * IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION?!
 * Oh, thanks, man. I almost doubted myself there.
 * [Sighs]
 * The secret is to stay positive. You know, Gumball, when a man says "yes" to life, life says "yes" to him.
 * Hey, kid, you want to buy this popsicle? I just found it on the sidewalk.
 * Yes! [Pays] Here's 20 dollars!
 * Do you want to swap your popsicle for my balloons?
 * Yes! [Untangles balloons] Mom! Dad!
 * [Comes back, rich] Here's the kind young guy who was the only one to help me out. [Hands briefcase full of money] Here's the 20 dollars I owe you. With interest, that comes to 20 million.
 * GET OFF MY MAN! Do you still love me, Alan?
 * [Laughs] Yes!
 * [Holds up container with lots of meatballs] Then have some of these meatballs I prepared for you.
 * Yes. ["Eats" meatball]
 * and : I love you. [Walks away together]
 * and : UH-
 * Dude, what did you expect? You just rubbed your bare eyeballs with your fists.
 * We've been living our lives wrong all this time! From now on, we say yes to everything!
 * and : UH-
 * Dude, what did you expect? You just rubbed your bare eyeballs with your fists.
 * We've been living our lives wrong all this time! From now on, we say yes to everything!
 * We've been living our lives wrong all this time! From now on, we say yes to everything!

In Elmore Hospital

 * Thank you for agreeing to do this highly experimental testing! Are you sure that you want to go ahead with it?
 * and : Yes?
 * [Grabs serum] I'm not gonna lie to you. We found these in the back of the fridge. If you're worried about the taste, I can always inject it! What do you say?!
 * [Muffled] I don't feel so good.
 * Me, neither.
 * What?
 * [Coughs gas] Me, neither.
 * [Walks in] Thanks, guys! I'll file those under "Never try this again."
 * and : Yay.
 * [Walks in] Thanks, guys! I'll file those under "Never try this again."
 * and : Yay.

Saving the Pigeons

 * Hey, do you kids want to do something for charity?
 * and : Yes.
 * What charity is this for again?
 * "Save the pigeons!" I made the costumes myself. Pretty cool, huh? Although the parachutes are rated for slightly lighter people. Is that gonna be okay?
 * and : [Anxiously] Yes.
 * Good. [Kicks them off]
 * Quick -- pull!
 * At least we saved some pigeons!
 * [Lands with larger parachute] Oh, no, no, no. We raised awareness of the cause. We didn't actually save any.
 * [Groans] Wait. Who's flying the plane?
 * At least we saved some pigeons!
 * [Lands with larger parachute] Oh, no, no, no. We raised awareness of the cause. We didn't actually save any.
 * [Groans] Wait. Who's flying the plane?
 * [Groans] Wait. Who's flying the plane?

Saving a Stranger

 * Dude, this isn't working! We said "yes" to everything, and has anything good happened?!
 * Is there a doctor in the street?
 * I am a doctor… of literature.
 * I'm a doctor… in a soap opera!
 * I was a doctor!
 * Is there an actual doctor in the street?
 * [To Darwin] No.
 * But he needs us!
 * Okay. We'll help him -- but only after we study medicine for seven years.
 * But he needs us now!
 * I am not putting my hand on the slimy gizzard of some stranger!
 * But what if we save his life, he lives, wins the lottery, and we end up with our own jetpacks, wearing pants made out of white tiger skin while eating unobtanium in a house made of crystal?!
 * Please, is there a doctor in the street?!
 * and : [Inhales] Yes!
 * Dude, this is amazing!
 * It's everything we ever wanted!
 * I hate it.
 * I know, right? I feel like I've got something heavy in the pit of my stomach.
 * That'll be the unobtanium. The problem is, when you have everything, you have nothing left to complain about. I think I liked it better when life was crummy.
 * Let's get back to the way we were.
 * I know, right? I feel like I've got something heavy in the pit of my stomach.
 * That'll be the unobtanium. The problem is, when you have everything, you have nothing left to complain about. I think I liked it better when life was crummy.
 * Let's get back to the way we were.

Saint Alan

 * I'm sorry for trying to break you, Alan. I should have known it was impossible. But I learned a lot about myself -- mostly that I'm a disgusting person and you're a better man then me. So, yeah. Thanks for that.
 * [Makes face] What's important is that you stay true to yourself.
 * AAH! Can you please stop making that noise?!
 * [Surprised] What?
 * Dragging your feet! It's grating!
 * [Amused] Oh, but I don't understand. You mean this? [Squeaks floor]
 * STOP IT, YOU JERK!
 * YES! Ha ha! I finally dragged you down to my level! I knew you could be broken! Oh, I feel so much better about myself. I got to go tell Darwin!
 * [Whispering] Whatever makes you happy, my friend.
 * YES! Ha ha! I finally dragged you down to my level! I knew you could be broken! Oh, I feel so much better about myself. I got to go tell Darwin!
 * [Whispering] Whatever makes you happy, my friend.
 * [Whispering] Whatever makes you happy, my friend.