The Bergerac

1 [animal sounds] Summer's here Let's get outside Pack your bags Hop in the ride Let's go, let's go This is gonna be so great - Oh, man - I can hardly wait! Summer camp Super summer hero camp Summer camp Super summer hero camp - They got lakes - We'll jump right in 'em - Canoe races - Yeah, we'll win 'em Stargazing, making wishes Summer love First-time kisses Hanging out, Making new friends I hope this summer Never ends Summer camp Super summer hero camp Summer camp Super summer hero camp - Roasting s'mores - Campfire songs So much fun You just can't go wrong Making memories, Having fun running around Hold up, shh What's that sound? Something's in the bush Over there [roaring] [all screaming] It's a bear! Run! Run! Run! Run! Summertime Fun! Fun! Fun! Summer camp Super summer hero camp Summer camp Super summer hero camp [Cyborg] The '90s was a decade of cynicism. Where was the elderly charm of The Golden Girls? Or the exciting adventures of The A-Team? Nobody wants to watch old dudes - driving around in an old van. - Are you kidding me? They were wanted for a crime they didn't commit. Would you two stop arguing about decades? It's a known fact that the '60s were the best. [Batman theme playing] Back then, I could show off these thighs all day long. - Thighs, thighs - Who dat guy with the - Thighs, thighs - My! Oh, my! He got - Thighs, thighs - Better shield your eyes 'cause my - Thighs, thighs - Don't tell no lies [crashing] [girl squeals] - Oh, sorry. - No, no. It's not your fault. This is a contrived encounter that, despite all odds, will spark something between us. [romantic tune playing] [stammering] I'm I'm the Boy I'm the Boy Wonder Batman's I mean Robin. I'm Robin. - Is My name. - Wonder Girl. I like you, despite this awkward introduction. Maybe I'll see you around? Ooh! Somebody's gonna get himself a camp girlfriend. [all laughing] - Girls don't like this guy. - He is the unattractive. Both physically and emotionally! - It's true. - Wonder Girl doesn't think so. You mean the girl Robin just knocked into the dirt? He bumped into her, helped her pick up her stuff, and their hands touched for a second! That means they're gonna fall in love. She did seem to enjoy the awkward encounter which would normally cause [shuddering] the cringes. If every romantic movie I've ever seen is right, this man right here is gonna be smooching it up with Wonder Girl. Well, who could blame her with thighs like these? [Robin straining] - [gags] Oh, the cringes. - I love camp romances. You know, I had my first kiss at camp. [buzzing] Come here, you big buzzy boy. [smooches] He stung a dude and died shortly after. RIP, you big buzzy boy. [Cyborg] I had my first kiss with Rosie. You know, the maid on The Jetsons. [explosion] It was electric. [Starfire] My first of the kisses was quite the memorable. I was the lucky girl to get so much of the mucus. [Beast Boy sighs] Mines first kiss taught me an important lesson, y'all. Mwah! Ain'ts nobody kiss better than giraffe girls, y'all. [groans] [Raven] My first kiss? Eh, it was all right. - What about you, Robin? - Ah, yes, the first kiss. I remember mine quite fondly. I met her on a hike. She was tall, but her long limbs didn't bother me. [chuckling] We laughed and we kissed. Her bark was rough and dry, but I didn't mind. Hold up! Dude, did you kiss a tree? Yes! Obviously! We had a beautiful autumn romance Until she left me for a lumberjack! He swept her off her feet [voice trembles] And I never saw her again. On that day, I swore revenge against that filthy lumberjack. And revenge will be mine. [gags] Oh. Oh, the cringes. Okay, psycho, kissing a tree doesn't count. - A kiss is a kiss! - This is perfect! Wonder Girl can be your first kiss! Second kiss. Come on, no one wants to kiss this guy. [blows raspberry] Look at him. Well, in every romantic movie, the main guy gets help from his friends. We can be those friends. - [Cyborg] No, that sounds like no fun for me - [Starfire] No, thank you. - [Raven] Hard pass for me. - or anyone that I would know. [all screaming] Okay, okay, we'll help. Geez! [cheering] I'm so excited. We're gonna get you a first kiss! [music] - Ooh, the lunch. - Let me in on that. [chewing noisily] Get off the food! [yelling in pain] Beat it! This is for a romantic picnic between Robin and Wonder Girl. [stammering] Picnic? With a girl? It's gonna be fine. Just be yourself. Right. Be myself. - What are you doing? - The thighs must be highlighted. Ain'ts no one wants to see that. - [shuddering] The cringe. - Nasty. This is your fault. You told him to be himself. Yeah. if Robin's gonna be anybody, he should be Beast Boy. I'ms the mans you could kick it with. Ooh, what if we did a Cyrano de Bergerac kinda situation? Who is this Syrup, The Burgerman? [Cyborg] Dude was a player. He used to hide out in the bushes and help his friends get dates by giving them smooth lines. I like it. It's like a scene from a romantic movie. - Here she comes. - Everybody, hide. Um [clears throat] Hey. So, uh Like, uh You wanna see my thighs or [Starfire shuddering] Oh, the cringes. - The cringes. The cringes - Don'ts worry. I'm about to do de Bergerac this piece. All right, fool, say this "Yo, mama. Sit your butt down and have a picnic. " - I am not going to say that! - I'm the Bergerac, fool. - Now, says what I says! - [Robin] Fine! Yo, mama, sit your butt down and have a picnic. Okay. I'm finding this strange and weird, but I'm too polite to state that bluntly. - Now say, "Here's some breads!" - Here's some breads. - "Now let's smooch it up!" - Man, that's terrible. Step aside for the real de Bergerac. "Madam, if the food is as fine as your company, then I shall send my regards to the chef. " [exclaims] That's even worse. Tell her you like horses. Girls like horses. - Just be yourself. - [yells] Speak not of the thighs! Can I speak of my calves? [all talking together] [Cyborg] Tell her she's delicious like a croissant, man. Like one of those ripe toasted croissants. - [Beast Boy] Smoochie smoochie. - Wonder Girl, don't go. - I can explain. - It's obvious you've taken some bad advice from your friends, and you've offended me. But it so happens that my mind is occupied by troubles with my boyfriend. Whoa, wait, wait. Hold on. You have a boyfriend? Well, ex-boyfriend. We just broke up, but it looks like we'll get back together. Anyway, I'm going to go and be upset now. I guess no girl will ever kiss me. I should just stick to trees. [Titans chewing noisily] This just means it's time for your grand gesture. In every romantic movie, someone's gotta do something crazy and over the top to prove their affections. So, if I do something dumb and dangerous in the name of love, - she'll forgive me? - And you'll get that smooch. We got this one covered. Yeah, we's dumbs and dangerous! [owl hooting] Looking good, fellas. I dids the dumb parts. [horse whinnies] And I came up with the dangerous ones. [horse whinnies] [groans] - All right. You ready? - Uh, I'm not sure. [horse whinnies] [Robin screaming] Go, get that kiss! [screaming] ['80s instrumental music] [explosion] [Robin screaming] [fireworks whistling and exploding] [Robin screaming] Wow! That was incredibly dumb and dangerous. It should make me concerned about your decision-making abilities, and yet, inexplicably, I have fallen for it. [romantic guitar strumming] It's happening [air whizzing] [Robin screaming] [roaring] - It's my ex-boyfriend! - Your ex is the lumberjack? He is the necessary obstacle you'll have to overcome to prove your worth. Lumberjack you stole my tree girlfriend, I won't let you steal my person girlfriend, too. [yelling] [yelling] [yelling] [loud thud] Ow! [all exclaim] [squishing] Well, at least we won't have to see those thighs anymore. - [Beast Boy] That's what's up. - [Raven] Good point. [loud rumbling] [rhythmic beating] [rumbling] [triumphant music] [rapid blows] [whimpering] [crying] [all cheering] [weakly] What happened? Did I win? [fireworks whistling and exploding] [unicorn whinnies] Well, that was nice. Now, I'll leave camp and you'll never see me again. - What? - It's a camp romance. So we're destined to go our separate ways. But can I visit you or write to you or something? Nope. See ya. - Brutal. - This is my fault. I pushed that poor boy into this and now he's heartbroken. - Robin, you okay? - Are you kidding? I kissed a real girl and I got revenge! Besides, now I have the confidence to go after other potential love interests. Eh, eh? - Thighs, thighs - Who dat guy with the Thighs, thighs [gagging and choking] The cringe. The cringe [retching]