J.R.R Tolkien, Jr., Jr.

(We start with Alistair Cooke from "Masterpiece Theater" explaining about J.R.R. Tolkien to us.)

Cooke: When "Lord of the Rings" author, J.R.R. Tolkien, passed on, many thought Middle Earth had come to an end. But recently, researchers found a half-finished manuscript, a sequel to "Lord of the Rings". When, on direct orders from Tolkien's will, his 6-year old grandson, J.R.R. Tolkien Jr., Jr., finished the novel, and the movie was made, fans hoped Middle Earth would rise again! Now here, we present a never before seen sneak peek of "Lord of the Rings: The Final Journey".

(The title briefly shows on screen; the preview starts in Hobbiton with Merry and Pippin.)

Pippin: Aw, Merry, I miss Mr. Frodo already.

Merry: So do I, Pippin. Frodo was a dear, dear friend. I like to eat poop. Hey, look, it's Gandalf!

(Gandalf rides in on Shadowfax.)

Gandalf: Merry, Pippin, we are not safe! A dark menace rises to the east! Duckies go "Quack!" [a rubber duck jumps on the bottom left side of the screen for a second] Cows go "Mooooooo!" [a small cow appears on the center right side of the screen for a second] I want ice cream! [a small pig appears on the center left side of the screen for a second, and then Gandalf takes out two ice cream cones] Verily, will you hobbits join in my quest?

Merry and Pippin: Yes, Mr. Gandalf!

Gandalf: What about you, Hannah Montana?

Hannah Montana: [singing to electronic music] I like macaroni and cheese!

Gandalf: I want poop!

(We slide to a card that says: And..., and then to a bunch of fighter aircrafts with the characters inside.)

Gandalf: These F-16s will take us as far as the Elrond river. Then we'll have to seek the bridge of Laredo.

Pippin: Quickly, everyone! Make jet noises!

(Everybody starts to imitate the sounds of jets with their mouths.)

Gandalf: Moooooooooo!

(We slide to another card that says: And now..., and then to the group inside a volcano and fighting a monster that resembles a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.)

Gandalf: The three-headed peanut butter and jelly monster is too powerful! Plus, I like to eat poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop...

Pippin: I don't want to do my homework!

Merry: [after a record scratch] Let's all sing "The Muffin Man"!

(Everyone starts to sing that song, the monster smiles at this, a bunch of random creatures from the previous seasons suddenly appear, and many cartoon noises are heard.)

Gandalf: You shall not... poop, poop, poop, poop, poop... [cut back to Cooke]

Cooke: [shocked and confused] I'm sorry, but what the f- ?!

(The screen goes to standby mode, and the channel flips to the next sketch.)