The Home Life of the Maytag Repairman

(Opens to a scene with a Maytag Repairman sitting at home while his wife vacuums. She then stops to talk to him)

Maytag Repairman's Wife: Ugh. Are you heading into the office?

Maytag Repairman: Do I look like I'm heading into the office?

Maytag Repairman's Wife: Well what if you get a repair call?

(Repairman sarcasticly stands up and starts clapping.)

Maytag Repairman: Oh you're hilarious! Let's hear it for Jokey Mc-Shut the fuck up!

Maytag Repairman's Wife: Oh, Go fuck yourself! If you're unhappy, then just quit!

Maytag Repairman: Great idea, retard! And who's gonna pay the mortgage in this stump of a shit shack you call a home?

(Wife walks up to his face.)

Maytag Repairman's Wife: You know those fucking washers never break down and you were the one who said you would use that time for your writing and I haven't seen page one, Earnest Heming-shithead!

(Guy then slaps his wife.)

Maytag Repairman: Oh god honey! I'm so sorry!

Maytag Repairman's Wife: Don't touch me! I don't know you anymore! I'm taking the kids and i'm going to my mother's! Don't call us!

Leaves room

Maytag Repairman: Wait! Wait! (Starts crying.) Why don't they ever need service? They never break down! (Faces audience) But I do. (Continues crying and blows into a gun.)

Maytag Repairman: (Turns to washer in kitchen.) THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

(Runs into kitchen and begins beating the washer with his gun while crying.)

(Cocks gun.)

Maytag Repairman: Give us a kiss, baby.

(Gun fires leaving blood spattered on washer as logo appears with up beat music)

MAYTAG 

A Century of Dependability

End of sketch