The Truth About Honesty

"The Truth About Honesty"

Original Airdate: 30-APR-1999 Written by Christina M. Gibson. Directed by Jeff McCracken © Courtesy of vivianreed.net. Transcribed by Christina

[SCENE - The co-ed bathroom. Cory is taking a shower, Topanga is sitting down by his shower, Shawn is shaving by the mirror, and Angela is sitting on a bench]

Topanga: Cory, the banquet halls are filling up. Will you please look at these dates?

Cory: No! I'm wet and naked.

Topanga: Me too.

Cory: (peeks out shower curtains to see if she is) You’re not naked.

Topanga: Cory, I can't pick out a wedding dress or flowers or anything until we set a date!

Cory: (peeks out shower curtains) Will I ever see you naked?

Topanga: Someday...

Cory: (peeks out shower curtains excitedly) Sunday?

Topanga: Pick a date!

Cory: (peeks out shower curtains) How about your tushy right now as a sign of good faith? (Topanga tries to stuff shaving cream in his mouth, Cory pulls curtains back in place but they end up exposing his butt)

Cory: Hah! Nice try babe.

Angela: Ooh, nice tush.

Cory: (pulls curtains back in place) Aah! (Turns shower off, comes out with towel covering his body entirely, chest too)

Angela: Woo, hubba hubba.

Cory: I'm just a piece of meat to you aren't I?

Angela: (walks to mirror next to Shawn) All men are. Isn't that right my little rump roast? (slaps Shawn's butt twice)

Shawn: Angela, what did you do that for?!

Angela: Because I did.

Topanga: Oh, Cory, here! I borrowed your razor.

Cory: You used my razor?

Topanga: Yah, just to shave my leg. You don't mind do you?

Cory: Mind? That that the razor I used on my face was used to shave your wonderful leg only brings us closer together and increases my overall joy.

Topanga: Good. (Kisses Cory) Please remember to look at those dates.

Cory: I will, my smooth one. (Topanga exits, Cory rushes to sink and rinses the razor out)

Cory: I'm gonna be sick!

Shawn: Why?

Cory: She used my… blech!

Shawn: What's the big deal?

Cory: Blech!

Angela: (peeks from shower) Why don't you change the blade, you baby?

Shawn: I think it's sexy.

Angela: (peeks from shower curtain) I do too!

Cory: Her stubble on my face is sexy to you?! (Topanga reenters)

Angela: (peeks from shower curtains) Cory's disgusted you used his razor...

Cory: Are you kidding me?

Topanga: Why wouldn't you have just said something?

Cory: (laughing) I don't mind. I think that you using my razor is very sexy.

Topanga: Oh good! So if I were to use this razor right now to shave under my arms you'd be okay with that?

Cory: No! I hate it. Please don't. (Strokes razor)

Topanga: Why wouldn't you have just told me the truth?

Cory: The truth? That's funny… the truth.

Topanga: Cory, if we're going to be married, we have to be able to be honest with each other. We should learn from this. From right now, total honesty.

Shawn: It's a trap!

Cory: Are you saying I can tell you the truth about everything?

Shawn (singing): Trap, trap trap trap, trap…

Topanga: I want you to.

Shawn (singing): Trap trap!

Cory: Are you saying I can tell you exactly what I think with no fear of repercussions or lots and lots of yelling?

Topanga: Try it.

Cory: Well okay. Topanga, if you don't mind, would you please consider keeping your paws off my razor?

Topanga: Done! (Walks out)

Cory: Really? Honesty all the time. This will be good, huh?

Shawn: Yah, this will be real good.

[SCENE - Student Union. Topanga and Angela are sitting at a table, Cory and Shawn standing around them]

Topanga (puts down newspaper): My Petite Shoe is playing at the university theatre. You wanna go?

Cory (to Shawn): Watch this. (To Topanga) No! I don't wanna go. You know why? Because it's a chick flick, and Cory don't like chick flicks. You know what else I don't like? The Ice-capades. Don't ever take me there. (To Shawn) How am I doing?

Shawn: You're right on schedule.

(Eric enters with Joshua in a stroller)

Topanga: Hey, Eric.

Cory: What's Josh doing here?

Eric: Oh I'm just babysitting him, waiting for Mom and Dad to come pick him up.

Cory: Hey little bro.

(Eric sees Rachel and Jack coming and tries to make a quick exit)

Rachel: Oh, Eric wait, wait! I wanted to have you all together. Oh, hi Joshua. Well, Jack and I are having our first dinner party on Friday night, and we really wanted to invite you all cause I'm gonna cook and it's going to be really, really fun! (Comments of approval from the gang)

Rachel: Eric, we really want you to come.

Eric: Well, how do you expect me to come back to a place where I had my heart ripped put of my chest and thrown around the room like it was a… a… like it… like a… Nerf heart!

Rachel: (Threateningly) I want you to forget about everything that happened between us and remember we're friends and I want you to come to our party because it's for friends.

Eric: (Seriously) Will you be making tater tots?

Rachel: Yes, I will be making tater tots!

Eric: (happily) Well then I'll be there. (Eric walks out student union and stops in front of a table of students)

Eric: Oh, Joshie, it's getting cold. (Fixes his blanket)

Dayna: Oh! It's a little one!

Eric: That's Joshua.

Dayna: He's so cute! How old is he?

Eric: A month or something, I don't know. Look at me, though, I'm Eric!

Dayna: And nothing's cuter than a father with his new baby.

Eric: Well, sure there is. A father, his new baby and his new baby's girlfriend.

Dayna: What about your wife?

Eric (dramatically): Dead. (enthusiastically) What are you doing later?

(the Dayna looks at him strangely)

Eric: I'm all that he's got in this world.

Mr. Matthews: Hey, Eric!

Eric: Mom and Dad! Hey, yah, great! (to the Dayna) Cup of coffee? Come on.

Mrs. Matthews (to Joshua): Hey little boy, did you miss your Mommy?

Eric: Did I miss my Mommy? Of course I miss my Mommy. Come here.

(hugs Mrs. Matthews)

Eric: I missed my daddy too, big guy

(hugs Mr. Matthews)

Mr. Matthews: Alright, back off!

Eric: Have you met my new friend? This is, um...

Dayna: Dayna.

Eric: Dayna.

Mrs. Matthews: Hello.

Mr. Matthews: Hey, Dayna.

Dayna: You have an adorable grandson.

Mrs. Matthews: What?

(Eric makes pleading faces behind Dayna's back)

Mr. Matthews: Oh! Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we do. Thank you very much. (to Eric as Eric walks into Student Union with Dayna) Good luck!

Mrs. Matthews: Alan, he's using our child to pick up women.

Mr. Matthews: I'm gonna have a talk with him.

(Dayna walks by and smiles at Mr. Matthews)

Mr. Matthews (to Mrs. Matthews): See- right there?

[Scene is Jack and Rachel's apartment. Rachel's in the kitchen cooking stressfully]

Jack (comes downstairs): Watcha doing?

Rachel: Carving rose radishes. I just spent a half an hour on the one in your mouth.

Jack (full mouth): It's good.

Rachel: Oh! You weren't planning on wearing that were you?

Jack: What? Don't I look good in this?

Rachel: Oh, no, you look fine. Fine. I-I just thought maybe since this is our first dinner party together you might dress up a little.

Jack: Um. . . got anything in particular you want me to wear?

Rachel: Oh, no! I want you to wear whatever you want to wear.

Jack: Except this.

Rachel (laughs): You're so funny.

Jack (pointing upstairs): I'm gonna go think about things.

[The scene begins in the elevator on the way to Jack and Rachel's apartment with Cory, Angela, Shawn, and Topanga. Topanga's hair has been crimped and half is left loose; the other half is tied in a ponytail. Cory is staring at Topanga's hair and makes no comment until they get out of the elevator.]

Cory: Topanga, at what point when you were paying to have this done to your hair did you look in the mirror and say, 'This looks good!'?

Topanga: Cory, you've made your point. You don't like my hair.

Cory (to Shawn): Now watch this. (to Topanga) If I may be honest, and you said I could, I-I don't dislike your hair. No, no, I hate it. No- hate is too strong of a word. No- hate's good. I think whoever did this to you should be taken outside, tied down, and made to look at it.

Shawn (aside, to Angela): He's like a dog with a bone.

[The scene is the apartment.]

(The doorbell rings. Rachel gives Jack a look that asks for luck. She opens the door to Shawn, Angela, Topanga and Cory. Everyone greets each other.)

Rachel: Hi, come on in. Oh, Topanga I love your hair.

Topanga: Thank you!

Cory (to Rachel): I don't. Don't worry. We have an honesty pact. We tell each other the truth about everything now.

Shawn (sarcastically): Yeah, nothing bad's going to happen at all!

Rachel: You know what? This reminds me of this game we used to play back in high school.

Topanga: What kind of a game?

Rachel: Oh, it was an honesty game.

Angela: Oh, well, how do you play?

Rachel: You put everybody's name in a hat, and whoever's name you draw you can ask whatever you want.

Shawn: I just came to eat.

Jack (sees that Shawn is wearing the exact outfit Rachel had told Jack not to wear): That's a nice outfit.

Angela: Are you afraid of honesty Shawn?

Shawn: Oh yeah, in a big way.

Topanga: Cory and I aren't.

Cory: Honesty's a cinch for us.

Shawn: Trap.

Rachel: Sounds great, then. I'll get the hat.

Cory: Put it on Topanga! Cory (laughs hilariously at his comment, notices everyone is staring at him): I'm done. Ê

Rachel: Okay, everybody, let's play.

Jack: Oh! We have to play a game.

Rachel: Oh, come on. Dinner's not quite ready and we have to wait for Eric anyway. It's really fun to think up intimate questions that'll embarrass everybody.

Angela: Oh, okay, then I'll go first!

(Angela reaches into the top-hat and draws out a name.)

Angela: Jack! Ê

(The guests laugh with relief)

Angela: Okay. If you could change one thing about Rachel, what would you change?

Jack: I don't know. Whose next?

Rachel: Oh come on, Jack, try it. I mean, there must be something about me that bothers you.

Jack: Nope, sorry! Oh, good game.

Rachel: Alright.

(Topanga reaches into the top-hat.)

Topanga: Rachel.

Rachel: Yes.

Topanga: Same question. Is there anything about Jack that bothers you?

Jack: See how hard it is?

Rachel: He's too passive. He needs to voice his opinions more.

Angela: Oh, Jack, what do you think about that?

Jack: I don't know.

(The doorbell rings and Rachel answers it. Eric is outside with Dayna.)

Rachel: Eric,Êhi- you brought a guest?

Eric: Yeah, this is Dayna. I met her at the Student Union when I was with my son, Joshua. He's with uh... Gramma and Grandpa Matthews right now. You know, my son, Joshua.

Shawn (to Angela and Jack, seated on the stools next to him, in an English accent): And the honesty game just got a little more interesting.

Jack: Do you think I'm too passive?

Shawn: What?

Jack: Nothing.

Rachel: Well, Dayna, hi. I'm Rachel, it's nice to meet you. Uh- would you excuse me for just a second?

(Eric and Cory start pointing at Topanga's hair and laughing at it. Rachel is talking with Jack in the kitchen.)

Jack: What? What's the matter?

Rachel: I have seven cornish hens, seven baked potatoes and seven plates and there are eight people here.

Jack: Uh... okay. I'll eat!

Rachel: Sit down.

Shawn: So, Eric, we're playing a truth game to promote honesty in relationships.

Eric: Honesty, excellent. That's what they teach us in law school.

Rachel: Alright, let's see whose next.

Topanga: Shawn. If you could spend one night with anyone no strings attached, who would it be with?

(Angela is directly behind Shawn, her hands to her hips, eyes on the floor, but obviously embarrassed and anxious about the question.)

Shawn: Anyone in the world? No strings?

Topanga: Yep. Be honest.

Shawn: Well, then I'd pick Angela.

(The guests oooh at Angela, who is trying to make sense of the comment. Shawn won't look at her.)

Angela: So, with no strings, no commitment, no emotional attachment you'd pick me?

Shawn: Yeah, what do you say to that?

Angela: Let's do it.

(The guest oooh at Shawn.)

Angela: Shawn, let's go.

Shawn: Now?

Angela: Now.

Shawn: I like this game.

(Angela grabs Shawn's hand and walks to the stairs. Cory tries to beat them by jumping on the couch, over the railing, and stops them at the top of the stairs.)

Cory: Hello.

Shawn: What?

Cory: When you two broke up who spent every minute of every day trying to get you two together?

Shawn: You, dahling.

Cory: And who is the one who spent every second trying to get you to realize that you belong together?

Angela: You, dahling.

Cory: Then, why are you going to do something very strange in a bedroom when I have absolutely nothing to do with it?

Angela: No strings, Cory.

Cory: Oh, I don't get it!

Shawn: Bye-bye.

(Angela leads Shawn to the bedroom. Eric pats Shawns back as they pass.)

Eric: So uh, Dayna. What's your feeling about this whole stringless relationship? You know, no commitment, no emotional attachment, still get your unh unh, you know what I'm saying? You have to remember everybody's being honest.

Dayna: Well I just met you- all I know about you is that your a single father working his way through law school who just got back from the No Fly Zone in Iraq.

Topanga (to Eric): Aww. She goes out with you, she deserves what she gets.

Eric: Oh, that's right, baby!

Rachel: Okay, let's get back to the game. Who's next?

Jack: I'm not passive; I'm just nice.

Cory: Excuse me, but does anyone care about what's going on up there?

Eric (opening the microwave): I have something to say. There are not tator tots!

Rachel (opening the oven): Eric, they're right here.

Jack (to Rachel, on a sudden burst of inspiration): You leave hair in the shower. You leave hair- it bothers me. That's right- you leave hair in the shower clogging up the drain. It bothers me. Yeah- you.

Rachel: Wait a second. You've been sitting there for twenty minutes and that's all that you could come up with?

Jack: Leave me alone.

Cory: You all know what they're doing up there, don't ya? They're-

Rachel (interruptting Cory before he can say what Angela and Shawn are doing): Cory! If you could change one thing about Topanga what would it be?

Cory: Umm, what would it be?

(He looks to the hallway, where the bedroom Shawn and Angela are in is.)

Cory: What would it be? What would it be?

Topanga: Cory, make your 'we're going to be virgins for the rest of our lives' joke and then we can all move on.

Cory: I'd actually change her need to be perfect all the time.

Topanga: What?

Cory: Topanga, I-I think you need to relax, lighten up a bit. Geez, they've been up there a long time.

Topanga: I don't need to be perfect.

Cory: Well, come on, Topanga, from nursery school to college you always had to be the best at everything.

Topanga: Really? Then, why didn't I go to Yale, Cory? Why am I here at Pennbrook with you?

Cory: What?

Rachel: Okay, game's over. Who's hungry for hen?

Cory: I knew it. You resent the fact you gave up Yale for me.

Topanga: I gave up Yale for us. I was just trying to show you you were wrong.

Cory: Well, maybe you should have gone, then. Yeah, maybe the time apart would have been good for us.

Topanga: In what way? Maybe we wouldn't be engaged?

Cory: Why do you have to take it to that level?

Topanga: Rachel?

(Rachel is holding a hen in each hand. She looks up at Topanga)

Rachel (weakly): Yes?

Topanga: Thank you for everything. I'm going to be leaving now.

Rachel: No, no!

Cory: You started this whole honesty thing. You can't leave.

Topanga: Watch me.

(Topanga walks out the door. Cory follow her and stops at the door.)

Cory: Topanga!

(Cory looks to the hallway.)

Cory: I can't believe they're still up there.

[The scene is the apartment. Jack and Rachel are in the kitchen. Dayna and Eric are talking on the couch.]

Rachel: Oh, Jack, I just wanted to have my first grown up party with my cornish hens!

Eric (shouting from the couch): And tater tots!

Rachel: This party is sucky!

Jack: No, come on. It's just your first time. Next time we won't invite these people.

Rachel: Well, I guess we can invite some of them. I mean, Eric seems to be doing pretty well with his date.

Dayna (to Eric): I love Shamu! How do you train him to do all those tricks?

Eric: It's hard. It's a difficult task, but the trick is to, uh, start small. Uh, sit, stay, eat Pinocchio!

Rachel: Everything was going fine until we played that stupid honesty game.

Jack: No, no, that's not true, Honey. This party would have been bad no matter what happened.

Rachel: That's very honest of you.

Jack: Yeah, sorry.

(They kiss.)

[The scene is in Rachel's room. There is romantic music playing softly in the background. Shawn is lying on top of Angela on Rachel's bed, both still with clothes on, making out]

Shawn: This is the greatest night of my life.

Angela: Don't say anything.

(They kiss again.)

Shawn: No one understands it but us.

Angela: Quiet!

(They kiss again.)

Shawn: I forgot how well we fit together.

Angela: I'm asking you to shut up!

(They start making out again.)

[The scene is the elevator outside Jack and Rachel's apartment. Cory and Topanga are in it and it is stationary]

Topanga: What do you want from me?

Cory: I want to understand what's bothering you.

Topanga: I thought you wanted to spend some time apart, Cory.

Cory: Topanga, that's not what I meant and you know it.

Topanga: But, isn't there a part of you that wonders what it'd be like to spend a year apart?

Cory: Honestly, yes. There's a part of me that wonders what it would be like, but there's a much bigger part that knows I would have been miserable without you. But I need to know, are you sorry you gave up Yale?

Topanga: Honestly?

Cory: Please.

Topanga: Giving up Yale was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but, of course, I would have been miserable without you.

(They hug.)

Topanga: I just want to be able to use your razor.

Cory: I already told you- blech!

Topanga: I don't want you to react like that.

Cory: So, that's what this is about, isn't it?

Topanga: Cory, the relationship that I want is not two individuals under the same roof. I want us together, Cory. What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. If you're gonna react like that over a razor, how are you going to react when I use your toothbrush?

Cory: Not well.

[The scene is Rachel's bedroom, with romantic music still playing softly in the background. Shawn is still lying on Angela, the both with clothes on.]

Shawn: Angela?

Angela: Don't!

Shawn: I miss you.

Angela: Don't!

Shawn: I can't help it... I love you.

(Angela pushes Shawn off her and he lands on the floor.)

Shawn: Ow! My key!

(Angela laughs.) Ê

Shawn (getting up from the floor): Oh, man! I Coried this up didn't I?

Angela: You had to go and get heavy, Shawn, didn't ya?

Shawn: No! I'm- I'm not getting heavy, Angela. I just think that an emotional commitment is the proper foundation of- oh my God I'm both of them!

(Angela laughs.)

[The scene is the elevator outside Rachel and Jack's apartment. Both Cory and Topanga are still there.]

Cory: Topanga, we're really being honest and I think what you need is some imaginary, perfect relationship. You know this is just you going after perfect again.

Topanga: No Cory. This is just me realizing we're going to be sharing the rest of our lives together and wondering why you can't even share a razor or a toothbrush.

Cory: Okay, you want real honesty, Topanga? Can you handle real honesty?

Topanga: I just want to know what it's going to take to share your toothbrush.

Cory: The truth is, I could never share any of my personal items with someone who won't even show me her tushie! No tushie, no brushie!

Topanga: I think that's fair.

Cory: I- what?

[The scene is Jack and Rachel's apartment. Shawn and Angela have left the room and are descending the stairs.]

Angela: Thank you, Rachel. I had a really nice time.

Rachel (in defeated tone): Your welcome. Come back soon.

(The front door bursts open. Cory's face is glowing and Topanga is looking embarrassed.)

Cory: I have seen the promised land!

Topanga: I showed him my butt.

Shawn: You two make my life a living hell.

(Shawn walks out the door with Angela.)

Cory: Great, great party Rachel.

Topanga: We're having a great time.

Rachel: Really? Wow, I thought that whole honesty game might have ruined the evening.

Cory: Ah! On the contrary honesty is the only way to go for a healthy relationship. If you'll notice, only the honest couples are left here.

Eric (still talking with Dayna on the couch): Yeah, the bullet hurt. But I saved the President's life, so I think it was worth it.

Cory: Eric doesn't count.

Eric: And I'm Batman.

(The scene ends with the Batman theme song.)

[The scene is the coed bathroom.]

Topanga (to Cory): What are you doing?

Cory (referring to Topanga's deodorant): Oh, I left mine in my gym bag. You know, this sharing stuff is great. Thanks.

(He hands back the deodorant.)

Topanga: Blech, there's a hair on it.

Cory: Oh yeah, it's one of my boys. I can tell because it's kinky like me. Here you go.

(Cory hands her the hair on the deodorant.)

Topanga: You are a disgusting little man.

Cory (leaving the bathroom): Yes, I am!

(Angela enters the bathroom followed by Shawn.)

Angela: Hey, Shawn! Why are you following me? You had your chance, babe.

Shawn: I'm not following you. I couldn't care less about you. You mean nothing to me. Less than nothing.

(Angela pushes Shawn onto the bench nearby, and she kisses him passionatetly.)

Shawn: Nothing, not a thing.

(Angela runs her hands through his hair)

Angela: Okay, good for you.

(She leaves the bathroom. When she is gone, Shawn looks at Topanga.)

Shawn: Cold shower, now!

(He runs into a bathroom stall, closes the curtains and turns the water on. Topanga is smiling.)

-End-