Beast or Famine

(Setting: the desert. Murk's flying ship is sailing across the desert, chasing after the Beast.)

Murk: You can't escape from me, cursed Beast!

(The Beast leaps over the ship.)

Murk: Go on, taunt me with your jeweled belly! 'Tis nothing compared to the fine keepsake your hide will make.

(Suddenly, the points of harpoons stick out of a sand dune. Something throws the harpoons into the air, over the Beast. Ropes tied to the harpoons' ends pull the Beast down.

Murk: What?

(More harpoons shoot out of the sand, tying the Beast down so it can't move at all.)

Murk: No! No, it's mine! Mine!

(Murk throws his own harpoon at the dune. The next volley of harpoons is thrown at his ship instead, sticking into its side. Murk cuts as many of the ropes as he can, but his ship is being pulled down to the ground.)

(Setting: the desert, later. Aladdin is riding a camel, writing something on a piece of parchment.)

Genie: (as an astronaut) Charting uncharted lands! Boldly going where no man has gone before! That's one giant step for mankind and just another day for me and my buddy Al.

(We can now see that Abu is the camel.)

Abu: Hey!

Genie: Oops! My buddies Al and monkey-boy!

Aladdin: (dismounting) Heh, I'm glad we're spending time together, too, but you've got to let me concentrate. What good is a trade route if I miss the trouble spots?

(Abu wanders away and falls down the edge of a steep dune.)

Genie: Oh, there's one now! Abu!

(Abu's head is buried in the sand.)

Genie: (as a surgeon) Don't worry, Al. If we find the head we can stitch her back.

(Abu chatters at Genie angrily in monkey-speech.)

Genie: All right, easy. (changes Abu back into a monkey)

(Abu continues ranting at Genie, then suddenly sees something scary. He jumps into Aladdin's arms and points at something behind him. Aladdin and Genie turn around and see the Beast's skeleton.)

Aladdin: Wow, it's the Beast, Genie! Murk's Beast. Murk finally caught the Beast!

Genie: Don't be so sure, Al. Look!

(Genie points to the wreck of Murk's ship nearby.)

(Setting: Murk's ship, that night.)

Genie: Come on, Al. Murk knows the desert. He would know how to hide.

Aladdin: You think so?

Genie: I know so! Murk is the manliest of men. I mean, talk about guy stuff! Riding the hot sands, the wind in his turban, with a harpoon in his hand, using monkeys for shark bait! Aw, we'll find him, Al.

(Abu takes a banana out of his vest and peels it.)

Genie: (wearing a Junior Woodchuck uniform) Attention, Woodchuck Rangers! Genie Ranger will demonstrate how to cook in the great outdoors the natural way. (takes Abu's banana and roasts it over the fire, charring it) Bon apetit!

(Abu storms out of the ship angrily)

Genie: You know, I'm starting to think I aggravate the little guy.

(Abu walks out into the desert, muttering to himself. Something tunneling under the sand follows him. He sits down, still pouting then notices something moving behind him. When he turns around, whatever it is freezes.)

Abu: Huh? Oh…

(Abu turns back around and continues muttering. There are now three lumps in the sand moving behind him.)

(Inside)

Aladdin: If whatever got the Beast — and Murk — is close by, no caravan would be safe coming through here. We have to find this thing and stop it, whatever it is.

Genie: Hmm… maybe it was a crocus behemoth.

Aladdin: What's a crocus behemoth?

Genie: Well, it's kind of like… a thing with a… wait. Visual aid!

(Genie reaches out into the desert and grabs Abu, just before a hand reaching out from under the sand is about to grab him. Three creatures stick their heads up from underneath the sand; they look like anthropomorphic rats wearing tribal clothing, and are holding the kind of harpoons that took down the Beast and Murk's ship. They then dive back into the sand and burrow towards the wrecked ship.)

(Inside the ship)

Genie: Behold! The crocus behemoth! Eighth wonder of the world!

(The rat-creatures look in through a hole in the ship. Genie has transformed Abu into a creature with the body of a gorilla and the head of a whale.)

Genie: Part ape, part whale, able to climb the Empire State Building with with Gepetto in his belly.

Aladdin: I think we would have spotted it.

Genie: Well, maybe it was something really, really tiny… with a huge appetite! (turns Abu into a grasshopper with huge jaws)

(The rat people's jaws hang open as they watch this transformation. Genie then turns Abu back to normal, and they are even more amazed. They jump back into the sand and tunnel away.)

(Setting: a cave in a nearby rock formation. The three rat people from before are there, and are explaining to others of their kind, in their own language, what they saw. A man walks towards them. He is tall, thin, has blond hair, is wearing long robes and carrying a staff with a pink orb on the end. One of the rat people walks over to him and kneels.)

Man: What did you see?

(The rat tries to explain in his own language.)

Man: Don't babble at me, animal. Show me.

(The pink orb in the man's staff begins to glow, and then a pink glow surrounds the rat person. The man looks into the rat's eyes and can see his memory of watching Genie.)

Man: Ah, we have a genie in our midst. Very well. You will need these to accomplish your task.

(He makes three more pink orbs appear and attaches them to the end of the rats' harpoons.)

Man: Bring this genie to me.

(Setting: next morning, near the wreck of Murk's ship.)

Aladdin: If we're gonna run a trade route through here we've gotta find out what happened.

(Several of the rat people are tunneling towards them. Abu sees them and starts screaming and trying to get Aladdin's attention. They then burst out of the sand and start running towards Aladdin and his friend.)

Aladdin: You know, I think this is a lousy place for a trade route. (he and Abu run away)

Genie: Well, maybe the rats would like some… cheese!

(Genie creates a giant mousetrap with cheese in it and sets it on the ground, then goes back to the ship with Aladdin. The rat people ignore the trap and run right past it.)

Genie: Not falling for my traps, eh?

Aladdin: Maybe they're not rats.

Genie: Guess I'll have to force feed 'em! (turns into a 1930's gangster with a tommy gun that shoots cheese) Take that, you dirty rats!

(The rat people dive into the sand to avoid the flying cheese. Genie's gun gets jammed.)

Genie: Jammed! Cheesy gun!

(The rats reach the ship; Aladdin tries to fight them off.)

Genie: (as the three musketeers) All for one and one for all!

(The musketeer-Genies jump between the rats and Aladdin.)

Genie (musketeer 1): On guard!

Genie (musketeer 2): On guard!

Genie (musketeer 3): (holding a stop sign) Crossing guard!

(The musketeer Genies fight the rat people. One of them creates a chandelier overhead, then cuts the rope holding it up, dropping it on the rats.)

Genie: Touché!

(Abu taunts the rat people. They chase after him, but fall through a hole in the ship's deck.)

(Aladdin and Abu are chased by a rat into the ship's cabin. When it tries to follow them, Aladdin holds up a board, and it runs into it, knocking itself out.)

(Genie turns into a giant cowboy boot and kicks two rat people off the ship. They burrow away.)

Genie: Sand swimmers, eh? (dives into the sand after them)

(Aladdin and Abu are surrounded by the rat people.)

Aladdin: Genie!

(Genie grabs Aladdin and Abu, then turns into a football player and runs away.)

Aladdin: Thanks, Genie!

Genie: Hey, what's a buddy for?

(A rat person underneath the sand trips Genie, who drops Aladdin and Abu.)

Genie: Fumble.

(The rats surround Genie.)

Genie: Oh, so you like the taste of genie, eh? Well you guys don't know who you're messing with!

Aladdin: Genie, be careful!

Genie: Don't worry, Al. I'm Big Blue. The magic man! (does some martial arts moves)

(The three rat people with the orbs on the end of their harpoons stick the harpoons into the ground. The orbs start to glow, and there's a pink light connecting them, making a triangle of magic around Genie.)

Genie: Hey! (tries to run out of the triangle but gets zapped) Think my kung-fu needs work. (passes out)

(The rats slowly sink into the sand, taking Genie with them.)

Aladdin: Genie, no! (dives after Genie, but can't reach him)

(The rest of the rats jump into the sand and are gone, leaving Aladdin and Abu alone in the desert.)

Aladdin: Genie…

Abu: Oh…

(A shadow looms over them. Aladdin turns around and sees who it is.)

Aladdin: I don't believe it! Murk!

(A little while later, Aladdin and Murk are on the rocks around the ship. Abu hiding behind a rock.)

Murk: You have nothing to fear, ape. The Beast is gone; I need no bait.

Abu: I don't know… (comes out from behind the rock)

Aladdin: I'm glad you're alive, Murk. When we saw what those creatures did to your ship, we thought—

Murk: No, they didn't get me. But they should have.

Aladdin: What do you mean?

Murk: Figure it out, boy. It was you who taught me there's more to life that treasure. For me, it was the hunt. But those savages took that from me. Took all I ever had. Only one thing keeps me going now: revenge.

Aladdin: They're not savages. They have some sort of magic. They used it to take Genie. We've gotta get him back.

Murk: Still thinking with your heart, eh, boy? I'll have no crew on this voyage! Where I'm going no man, nor beast comes out alive.

Aladdin: Look, we can help each other!

Murk: Bah! I need no one.

Aladdin: You may not need anyone, but Genie is my friend! And we're gonna save him together!

Murk: As you will.

(Setting: the rat people's cave. Genie is still trapped between the three orbs, and is riding a unicycle while balancing a fishbowl, two tables, and elephants. A group of rat people including children, is watching him.)

Genie: That's right, folks. Forty-seven elephants and one goldfish! A new world record. You saw it here.

(The children laugh. All of the rat people are obviously entertained.)

Genie: Thank you. Next show at five o'clock. So how about letting me go? Come on, just let me out to stretch my legs. (holds up car keys) You like nice cars? My Jag's parked right outside.

(Genie leans out past the orbs and gets zapped. The rat people look sad to see him hurt.)

Genie: I don't get you guys. You obviously don't want to hurt anybody. What do you want from me?

Man: (walking toward Genie) They want nothing from you. It is I who have use for you.

Genie: Who're you, buster?

Man: Just a power-hungry shaman looking for his next meal. You see, survival is all the subhumans care about. They slew the great Beast of the sand to fill their bellies and brought me its legendary treasure. (walks toward a pile of treasure) I have no need for material things. They feed on food. I feed on power. Tell me, genie, are you feeling weak yet?

Genie: Weak? No way! (turns into a bodybuilder and lifts weights, but he can't hold them up) Well, just a little out of shape.

Shaman: Soon, every ounce of magic will be drained from your being to become mine. (holds up his staff)

Genie: Uh, I'd better let you in on a secret. I've only got semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic powers. You don't want those.

Shaman: Surely substandard powers from a genie are more imposing than most.

Genie: Hey, you haven't been there. You don't want your friends calling you "weakling"! (points to the rat people)

Shaman: Friends?! I have no friends! These savages are my servants. They follow me because they need a leader. But once I have your magic I won't need them. When it comes to friends, genie, I need no one.

(Setting: the desert, near Murk's ship.)

Murk: We attack full on, our warcries freezing the blood in their veins. Naturally, we'll be massacred, but we'll hack down as many as we can before we fall.

Aladdin: I'm trying to rescue Genie, remember?

Murk: What you do once we're in is your business.

Aladdin: How about a sneak attack?

Abu: Yeah, yeah!

Murk: There is no such thing as a sneak attack. The savages can sense any movement on the sand. They can hear a lizard crawl a league away. They'll know we're coming before we do.

Aladdin: A flying ship is silent.

Murk: What flying ship? It's nothing but kindling wood!

Aladdin: Can't we rebuild it?

Murk: We have no lumber to reinforce her.

Aladdin: We have something better. (looks at the Beast's skeleton)

(Setting: the same place, that evening. They have rebuilt the ship using the Beast's bones.)

Murk: I must admit, a job well done.

Aladdin: (to Abu) This, from a man who needs no one!

Murk: Although I would have done just as well myself.

Aladdin: Such a team player.

Murk: We'll strike before daybreak for the greatest surprise.

(Setting: the cave. The shaman is watching Aladdin and Murk in a crystal ball.)

Shaman: No, my friends. I'm afraid the greater surprise will be yours.

(Setting: the next morning. Murk's ship is flying towards the cave.)

(Genie is becoming thinner as his magic is drained.)

Genie: Oh, no strength left. Need chewable vitamins.

(The rat people are eating a meal near him. One offers Genie a piece of bread.)

Genie: For me? Aw, gosh.

Shaman: (watching the approaching ship in his crystal ball) Your friends are loyal, a frailty which has always amused me. The monkey's charming; he'll make a nice meal for our uncivilized friends.

Genie: They wouldn't eat a friend of mine!

Shaman: They're almost upon us! Now stop them! Go!

(The rat people reluctantly start to leave.)

Genie: You heard him! Don't stop them! Don't go!

Shaman: I'm your leader! You listen to me!

Genie: Leave 'em alone! Ooh, I'll give you such a zap! (tries to zap the shaman, but nothing happens)

Shaman: Go! Go!

(The rat people run away.)

Shaman: The moment the ship moors the savages will swarm all over it like ants on sugar. Your friends won't have a chance.

(The ship does not stop.)

Shaman: It's not mooring. It's not mooring!

(The ship crashes through the wall of the cave.)

Shaman: Get them! Destroy them!

(The rat people run onto the ship. They reach the ship's wheel and are surprised to see Abu is steering.)

Abu: Ahoy! Hello!

(The rats try to catch Abu, while Aladdin and Murk climb out of the front of the ship, through the Beast's jaws. They then start pushing the ship out of the cave.)

Abu: Bye bye! (jumps off the ship)

(The ship is pushed out of the cave, with the rats still on board, and crashes to the ground.)

Genie: Al. You came for me.

Aladdin: What's a buddy for? Genie, what happened to you?

Shaman: He's been drained of his energy. Now I am all powerful, for I have consumed the magic of a hundred sorcerers and one genie!

(The orb at the end of the shaman's staff now glows blue.)

Murk: Consume cold iron, beastslayer! Vengeance is mine!

(The shaman zaps Murk's harpoon, melting the metal in it.)

Shaman: Vengeance?! Another human frailty! Amuse yourself with the savages.

(Abu points frantically outside of the cave. The rat people are climbing up the side of the cliff towards the cave.)

Shaman: They alone fed upon the flesh of your Beast.

Murk: Then this is your fight, boy. My quarrel is with them.

Genie: Heads up, Al!

(The shaman tries to zap Aladdin, who ducks. Aladdin runs away. The shaman zaps the ground beneath Aladdin's feet, which melts and hardens, trapping him in place.)

Shaman: I think your genie's power suits me well, don't you?

Abu: Aladdin!

(Abu picks up one of the rats' harpoons and throws it to Aladdin, who starts to chip away at the rock trapping his feet.)

Shaman: Now I will conjure a creature so terrifying the mere sight of it will drive you to madness!

(The shaman creates a tiny clockwork pink elephant.)

Genie: That would be the semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic part.

Shaman: (takes off his cape) Today I have tasted a genie's magic, and now I will eat your souls!

(The cape turns into a shadow, which flies towards Aladdin and Abu. Aladdin has just managed to free himself and runs away. Meanwhile, the rat people are swarming all over Murk.)

Genie: Guys, stop! You're fighting the wrong guy!

Murk: They won't listen to you! They're savages!

Genie: Your not savages! You want to help me, but you can't, because of him. He's no leader. Leaders care for you. They don't hurt you.

(The shadow continues chasing Aladdin and Abu around the cave, while the shaman watches and laughs.)

Genie: So please, help him!

(The rat people stop fighting Murk.)

(Aladdin and Abu are cornered by the shadow.)

(The rat people run at the shaman and try to take his staff.)

Shaman: No! What are you doing?!

(They manage to take the staff and throw it to the ground. When they do, the shadow stops chasing Aladdin and flies around the cave randomly. The rats start fighting the shaman.)

Shaman: I'll make you pay!

(The shaman frees himself from the rats' grasp, but just then the shadow flies by and devours him.)

Shaman: NO!

(The rat people smash the shaman's staff, and the shadow disappears. Genie's powers are returned to him and he is no longer trapped.)

Genie: (flexing) Yes! Feel the burn!

(The rat people offer the broken staff to Genie.)

Genie: Aw, I'd love to join your club, but I can't. Not that you guys aren't swell. My place is with my buddies. Hey, how about him? Whadda ya say, cap'n? They need a leader, and you must have a load of free time now that the big, bad Beast is gone!

Aladdin: Um, I think what Genie means is, something can fill the void. They're hunters like yourself.

Murk: I told you before, boy. I need no one.

Genie: (to the rats) Go on, make ol' salty feel welcome.

(The rat people confer with each other, then offer the staff to Murk.)

Aladdin: Take it, Murk. What's a captain without a crew?

Genie: Boy, am I glad to see you guys! Come on, male bonding! (hugs Aladdin)

(Murk takes the staff.)

(Setting, the desert. Murk is leading the rat people.)

Murk: The children are hungry! Come, my crew! The hunt awaits us.

Genie: You make me proud, you old seaside salty! (hugs Murk)

Murk: Touch me again and you're shark bait.

Genie: Heh heh heh, glad to see Murk hasn't lost his sense of humor.

Aladdin: Not only that, Genie. He's gained a few friends.