Welcome to the Jungle (Pinky and the Brain)

[TRUMPET FANFARE]

Pinky: YAY, BRAIN! THAT'S YOU! AND LOOK. I'M MAKING SHADOW PUPPETS. THIS ONE'S A MOUSE. CHEESE. CHEESE. HA HA. SQUEAK. HA HA. NARF!

Brain: PLEASE, PINKY. HOLD YOUR STUPIDITY UNTIL THE END. AND GET YOUR FEET OFF THE CHAIR.

Group of people: SURPRISE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TED.

FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW

FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW

FOR TED FROM ACCOUNTING'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW

WHICH NOBODY CAN DENY

Brain: I, TED FROM ACCOUNTING, THANK YOU FOR THIS MOVING CELEBRATION. AH, IF ONLY THERE WERE AN ALL-POWERFUL UBER MOUSE TO WHOM MANKIND COULD PLEDGE THEIR SERVITUDE. OH, WELL. I WILL NOW BLOW OUT THE CANDLES. HOO! [HISSING] I-YII. WHAT'S HAPPENING? STRANGE GAS METAMORPHOSIZING. YES, IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW. IT ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

Group of people: HAIL BRAIN. PRAISE BRAIN. HAIL BRAIN. PRAISE BRAIN.

MARVELOUS! STUPENDOUS! THE FEEL-GOOD HIT OF THE SUMMER! GENE SHALIT SAYS, "HAIL BRAIN. "PRAISE BRAIN. HAIL BRAIN."

PINKY. I APPRECIATE YOUR ACCOLADES.

THANKS. I JUST HAD THEM DONE.

THAT WAS BUT A MERE FILM. THIS WILL PRODUCE THE MIND-CONTROLLING CANDLES. NO!

SAVE THE ANIMALS!

SAVE THE ANIMALS!

SAVE THE ANIMALS!

WE, THE PEOPLE OF THE SIMIAN LIBERATION ARMY, HEREBY DECLARE THESE MONKEYS FREE.

UNHAND ME, SIR, LEST I SEE YOU IN COURT.

OH, NO! THIS TIME, SCIENCE HAS GONE TOO FAR. [SOBBING] LOOK WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO THESE MONKEYS!

WE ARE MICE.

MICE? DON'T WORRY, BRIGHT EYES. NOBODY'S EVER GONNA HURT YOU AGAIN. PROMISE.

UNH! UNH!

GOOD NEWS, MY FURRY BRETHREN. YOU'RE HOME.

THE JUNGLE? NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THE LAB IS OUR HOME. WE'RE NOT WILD MICE. WE'RE PRODUCTS OF SCIENCE.

YOU MEAN YOU'VE NEVER FORAGED FOR FOOD, FENDED FOR YOUR LIVES? OH, THIS IS HORRIBLE! YOU LACK THE SKILLS TO SURVIVE IN YOUR NATURAL HABITAT. THERE'S SIMPLY NO WAY YOU TWO CAN MAKE IT OUT THERE.

RELEASE THE MICE.

RELEASE THE MICE!

MICE RELEASED. BE FREE, LITTLE ONES! BE FREE! CAN MICE FLY?

SURE. JUST LIKE MONKEYS.

AAH! AAH!

AAH! PINKY. PINKY.

Pinky: AAH! EGAD, BRAIN. WE'VE FALLEN INTO SOME KIND OF INTERGALACTIC WORMHOLE.

WITH REAL WORMS. NYA! LOOK ABOUT YOU, PINKY. THE JUNGLE. POISONOUS PLANTS, BLOODTHIRSTY CARNIVORES, THE STENCH OF DECAY PERMEATING THE AIR.

ACTUALLY, I RATHER LIKE IT. [INHALES] SMELLS JUST LIKE AN AIRWICK SOLID. NARF!

WE MUST FIND A WAY HOME. I'VE GOT IT. WE'LL CONSTRUCT A MOLECULAR SCRAMBLING TELEPORTATION DEVICE THAT WILL BEAM US BACK TO THE LAB. YES. NOW, ALL WE NEED ARE A FEW SIMPLE COMPONENTS: AN ATOM SMASHER, SOME STRAY RODS OF STRONTIUM 90, A 3/16 SOCKET WRENCH.

UM, THERE'S A BIG PILE OF DUNG UNDER THAT TREE.

DUNG? OF COURSE. WITH DUNG, I CAN MAKE A-A HUGE... DUNG MONORAIL? HMM.

NO, BRAIN. WE'LL MAKE DUNGAREES.

OH, YES. AND THEN WE'LL FLY ON OUR MAGICAL PANTS TO THE PLANET SLACKS.

OOH. NARF.

NO, MY FALLOW FRIEND. I'M AFRAID WE ARE IN CONSIDERABLE PERIL.

DON'T WORRY, BRAIN. TOO SIMPLE WORDS THAT WILL MAKE IT ALL BETTER: HAKUNA MATATA.

IF I HURT YOU NOW, NO ONE WOULD KNOW.

UM,I MIGHT.

THAT'S DEBATABLE.

[PANTING]

OH, BRAIN, YOU'RE HUFFING AND PUFFING LIKE A CHUBBY BOY.

I THOUGHT WE HAD AN AGREEMENT, PINKY.

OH, I KNOW, BRAIN, BUT I JUST LOVE THE WORD "CHUBBY." HA HA HA HA! CHUBBY. HA HA. EGADS. I'M HUNGRY.

YES. SUSTENANCE. WE'LL SIMPLY PROCURE SOME POTASSIUM CARBONATE AND SOME TRIGLYCERIDES, MAYBE SOME JELL-O.

UM, THERE'S A BIG PILE OF DUNG UNDER THAT TREE.

[GROANS]

LOOK UP, BRAIN. A MANGO.

MANGO. YES. WE'LL BUILD A PLATFORM. UH, IF ONLY WE HAD SOME EXTRUDED ALUMINUM TO MAKE SCAFFOLDING. IF ONLY WE HAD SOME STEEL TO MAKE AN ALUMINUM EXTRUDER. IF ONLY WE HAD A SMELTING PLANT TO MAKE STEEL. IF ONLY HOW ABOUT A STICK, BRAIN? A STICK IS YOUR FRIEND.

OH, GOODY. WELL DONE.

WELL, THANK YOU, BRAIN. I--

PINKY, WHAT? SHH!

AAH! AAH! UHN! UNH!

OOGA-BOOGA! OOGA-BOOGA!

PINKY, COME BACK! WE NEED TO DEVISE AN INTRICATE TRAP TO ENSNARE THE BEAST. UH, UM, SURRENDER NOW, BEAST. LAY DOWN YOUR LIFE OR OR I SHALL, UH I SHALL CONFOUND YOU WITH QUADRATIC IMPONDERABLES. AAH! QUICKSAND. NO. NO. NO! NO! PINKY!

[TARZAN YELL]

GOOD NEWS, BRAIN. TONIGHT, WE EAT.

UHH! [GROAN]

PINKY. PINKY. PINKY, PLEASE. WE SHOULDN'T GET SEPARATED.

DON'T WORRY, BRAIN. I'M MARKING OUR TRAIL SO WE'LL NEVER LOSE EACH OTHER AND WE CAN FIND OUR WAY BACK.

BACK? BACK TO WHAT? WHY ON EARTH WOULD WE WANT TO GO BACK THERE?

I DON'T KNOW. RELIVE THE MEMORIES? SEE OLD FRIENDS?

A STICK IS MY FRIEND.

THAT'S RIGHT! AHH, STICK. WE HARDLY KNEW YE. COME ON.[TARZAN YELL]

PINKY, WAIT FOR ME.UHH. AAH! UHH! [PANTING]

WELL DONE, BRAIN. YOU FOUND US THE RIVER. FJORD!

YES, BUT WHICH WAY TO CIVILIZATION?

UPSTREAM.

UPSTREAM? ARE YOU HEEDING SOME LONG-DORMANT JUNGLE INSTINCT?

WELL, THAT AND THIS JUST FLOATED DOWNSTREAM.

BRAIN, ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?

WE EAT THE BOX?

NO, BRAIN. WE BUILD A BOAT, AND THEN WE EAT THE BOX.

Pinky: WE'RE STUCK. GET OUT AND PULL US FREE.

AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN. [GRUNTING]

YOU'VE DONE IT, BRAIN. YOU'VE PULLED US THROUGH. HA HA HA HA! OH, AND KUDOS ON YOUR LOVELY NATIVE HEADGEAR.

HEADGEAR? WHAT ARE YOU-- AAH! IT'S NOT A HAT, PINKY. IT'S A LEECH.

MY, MY, BRAIN. HA! YOU LOOK JUST LIKE DAVY CROCKETT.

I HATE LEECHES.

TWO WORDS, BRAIN: HAKUNA MA--

OHH. JUDGE BADER GINSBURG, PLEASE. YOU'RE HURTING ME. CAN'T BREATHE.

SHUSH. NOW, YOU REST, CHILD.

PINKY, I I YOU'VE MADE A HAT?

I WOVE IT FROM STRIPS OF TREE BARK. DO YOU LIKE IT? IT'S NO LEECH.

YOU KNOW MUCH OF THE JUNGLE WAYS, MY FRIEND. I-I AM EVER SO LOST, HOPELESS.

BRAIN, IT'S OK, BRAIN.

IT'S THE JUNGLE, PINKY. I DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE IT OUT HERE. [SOBBING]

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, BRAIN!

PINKY, WHAT WILL WE DO? WHAT IS IT, PINKY? PINKY? PINKY? PINKY?! JUNGLE SCARY. JUNGLE SCARY. JUNGLE SCARY.

OW!

OOH, NOW, THAT'S GOT TO HURT.

WE'RE THE DRISCOLLS.

THE MICHIGAN DRISCOLLS.

LOOK, BRAIN, TOURISTS.

CAN--CAN YOU HELP US GET HOME? OH, WHY GO HOME WHEN YOU CAN STAY AND WORSHIP THE WISE ONE?

WISE ONE?

THE WISE ONE CAN DO ANYTHING.

WE'LL MAKE CAMP HERE. TOMORROW, WE'LL TRAVEL TO THE WISE ONE'S VILLAGE.

HOW FAR IS IT?

RIGHT BY THAT TREE.

CAN'T WE GO NOW?

OH, ALL RIGHT. OH, IT WASN'T ALWAYS SO BEAUTIFUL. IT USED TO BE AN ABANDONED CLUB MED.

WE HAD A VERY BAD TRAVEL AGENT.

WE ALMOST STARVED TO DEATH. THEN, THE WISE ONE CAME AND SAVED US.

THE WISE ONE SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL MAN.

MAN?

NO, HE-- WAIT. IT IS HE.

BRAIN?

SNOWBALL?

BRAIN. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

HEY, MAN, YOU BETTER NOT BE HERE TO HURT THE WISE ONE, MAN.

SNOWBALL ISN'T A WISE ONE. HE'S JUST A GENETICALLY ALTERED EVIL HAMSTER BENT ON... ON EVIL.

NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH! THAT'S CRAZY TALK, MAN. THE WISE ONE, HE-- HE KNOWS THINGS, MAN. HE KNOWS THAT BILL CLINTON GUY IS REALLY JUST A GUY IN A SUIT. HE'S A MAN'S MAN, MAN. HE'S A MAN'S MAN'S MAN, MAN. MAN!

WASN'T THAT DENNIS HOPPER? OH, I LOVE HIM! DID YOU SEE THE MOVIE WHERE HE PLAYED A MANIC, CRAZY PSYCHO?

BRING ME THE LEADER.

UHH!

PINKY? THE LEADER? HA HA HA HA HA HA. WELL, THIS IS A SURPRISE. SO BE IT. HERE'S A LITTLE JOKE FOR YOU, PINKY. KNOCK, KNOCK.

WELL, THAT'S NOT A VERY FUNNY JOKE, IS IT?

OH, BRING ME THE OLD LEADER, THE ONE WITH THE CHUBBY HEAD.

HA HA HA HA HA! CHUBBY! HA HA HA--NARF!

UHH.

WELL, BRAIN, THIS IS QUITE A SURPRISE. FINALLY, YOUR OUTWARD APPEARANCE MATCHES THE SAD CHAOS OF YOUR LITTLE MIND. THE FATHER HAS BECOME THE HELPLESS CHILD AND SO--

SNOWBALL, YOU MUST HELP US.

HELP YOU? HELP YOU? OH, BRAIN, THAT IS RICH. POSITIVELY AFFLUENT. WE MAY HAVE BEEN FRIENDS ONCE, BUT WHY WOULD I SAVE THE MOUSE THAT'S BEEN SENT HERE TO KILL ME?

KILL YOU?

WE WERE DROPPED HERE BY SOME MISGUIDED ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS. AH, SO YOU KNOW MY STORY? THEY PREPARED YOU WELL.

WHO IS "THEY"?

THEM. THE "THEY" OF THEM. THEY'RE THEY. THEY'RE THERE. THEM!

YOU'RE MAD, SNOWBALL.

PAY ATTENTION, BRAIN. HERE I AM THE RULER. YOU MAY HAVE PREVENTED ME FROM TAKING THE WORLD, BUT THIS LITTLE SHANGRI-LA, THIS IS MINE. I HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU, BRAIN. KNOCK, KNOCK.

WHO'S THERE?

BRAIN.

BRAIN WHO?

EXACTLY. [SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP] TIE HIM AND HIS LAZY-EYED COMPANION ATOP THE GIANT WATER SLIDE. TONIGHT, THEY DIE!

I TAKE IT ALL WENT WELL THEN?

PINKY, DISPLAY YOUR SAVVY.

BRAIN, IN PUBLIC?

PLEAD WITH OUR CAPTORS.

OH, RIGHT, BRAIN. AHEM. PEOPLE OF SNOWBALLVILLE, UH, OPOLIS, UM...

QUICKLY, PINKY, THEY CAN SMELL OUR FEAR. [SNIFF SNIFF] THAT'S NOT FEAR. THAT'S A 1.99, ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT, VEGAS-STYLE BUFFET COMING FROM A RESORT UP THE BEACH.

[CHEERING]

GOOD WORK, PINKY. BUT 1.99? ARE THEY OUT OF THEIR MINDS?

NOW, BRAIN, WE MUST GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE SNOWBALL--

Snowball: ARRIVES? YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN YOUR BELOVED CIVILIZATION, BRAIN. YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE NOW, AND IN THE JUNGLE, ONLY THE STRONG, THE TRULY STRONG CAN SURVIVE.

SAVE US, PINKY. SUMMON ALL YOUR ANIMAL SAVAGERY AND BREAK THROUGH THESE BONDS.

HERE I GO. YAAAAAA!

HA HA HA HA HA!

AAH! UGH!

PINKY?

Pinky: IT'S ALL RIGHT, BRAIN. THIS QUICKSAND BROKE MY FALL.

QUICKSAND?

HA HA HA HA HA. OH, DON'T WORRY, BRAIN. YOU'LL JOIN HIM SOON ENOUGH.

[GRUNTING] GRRR!

Snowball: SURRENDER!

Brain: IN YOUR DREAMS!

UHH.

YOU WERE ALWAYS SO DARN DRAMATIC.

AND YOU WERE ALWAYS SODARNDAINTY!

UHH! UHH!

YES!

BRAVO, BRAIN! HA HA. I'D CLAP INCESSANTLY IF I WASN'T BEING DIGESTED BY THIS QUICKSAND.

PINKY!

STRIKE ONE! HA HA HA HA HA. AH HA HA HA HA!

THAT CRAZY HAMSTER IS OUT OF HIS MIND. WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS-- GREG MADDUX? PINKY? PINKY, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

UM, THERE'S A BIG PILE OF DUNG UNDER THAT TREE.

IF ONLY I HAD A STICK. YES! A STICK IS MY FRIEND.

OH, BRAIN, COME OUT AND PLAY! [LEAVES RUSTLING] BYE-BYE, BRAIN. GRRR! YAAAA! SEE THE GREAT MOUSE FALL. YAAAA! DUNG? BRAIN, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU ANIMAL?!

AWFULLY SLOPPY TRAIL, BRAIN. AND YOU WERE BEING SO CLEVER. OHH! OHH! OHH! OHH! OHH! OHH!

SNOWBALL?

BRAIN! UHH. AAH!

SNOWBALL, LISTEN TO ME. YOU NEED HELP.

PERHAPS YOU'RE RIGHT, BRAIN. YES. IT ALL GOES BACK TO MY CHILDHOOD. YOU SEE, I WAS THE MIDDLE HAMSTER. AH, BRAIN. HA HA. YOU MAKE TREACHERY FUN. HA HA HA HA HA! AAH!

SNOWBALL! QUICKLY, SNOWBALL, TAKE MY HAND.

THANKS, BUT NO THANKS, BRAIN.

I DON'T NEED YOUR-- HELP! AHA, BRAIN, YOU CAN'T BEAT ME. AAH!

Pinky: WAAA! AAH!

PINKY!

[MUMBLING]

[TARZAN YELL]

MY HERO.

STOP IT, PINKY, OR I'LL PUT YOU RIGHT BACK IN.

GUESS WE CAN CONTINUE OUR JOURNEY HOMEWARD NOW, EH, BRAIN?

HOME? PINKY, WE ARE HOME. HERE IN THE WILD, I'VE NEVER FELT SO STRONG, SO ALIVE. THIS IS WHERE WE BELONG IN THE GREAT OUTDOORS. FOR HERE WE ARE KINGS, KINGS OF THE JUNGLE!

HERE'S A COUPLE OF WILD MICE TO REPLACE THEM TWO YOU HAD STOLEN.

NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THE JUNGLE IS OUR HOME. WE'RE NOT LABORATORY MICE. WE'RE CREATURES OF THE WILD.

SO, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TOMORROW NIGHT, BRAIN?

THE SAME THING WE DO EVERY NIGHT, PINKY. [TARZAN YELL]

THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN!