Assault & Batteries

Scene I: The Lemur Habitat
''The zoo bell was ringing. The people in the zoo started to leave so that the workers could close it down for the day. Alice was waving goodbye to the people who were leaving. Julien was looking through binoculars, watching the people leaving.''

Julien: Ready, Maurice?

Alice was starting to close the gate as she was waving goodbye.

Julien: Wait for it. Almost there.

Alice closes the gate and then Julien looks at the clock.

Julien: (stops looking through the binoculars) Now!

Maurice starts playing music from the boom-boom box and Julien, Maurice, and Mort start dancing.

Singer: Midnight, midnight.

Julien: Yes! Now, begins the greatest boogie-oogie-oogie sound ever.

Scene II: The Ostrich and Chimpanzee Habitat's
''The ostrich heard the music and stuck its head underground. The chimpanzee's got two bananas and stuck them in their ears.''

Scene III: The Lemur Habitat
Singer: Get down, get down, with your…

Julien: Dance, my lemurs, dance!

Julien laughs.

Mort: (dancing) I like dancing.

The music continues to play as the evening turns into night.

Scene IV: The Lemur Habitat (Night time)
Singer: Shake, shake your booty in your mind and heart.

Mort: (tired) I don’t like dancing.

Maurice: (tired) Ugh. My feet are killing me.

Julien: (not tired) Not as much as I will if you stop dancing.

Maurice: But, Your Majesty, we just can’t boogie-oogie-oogie like you.

Mort: (sad) I want to go to bed.

Mort starts crying a little bit.

Julien: (dancing) No. (had his tail tangled) Last week, the baboons shook their shiny red bottoms eighteen hours straight.

Julien's tail finally was untangled.

Julien: (dancing) I will not be out-partied.

Scene V: The Penguin Habitat (Inside)
''The music shook the inside of the penguin habitat. Skipper who was awake was getting angrier and angrier. Skipper growls in anger. Skipper turns over and over to get to sleep but it doesn’t work. Skipper jumps out of bed.''

Skipper: Roll out, team. It’s time to terminate that tune.

''He notices that they didn’t get up. He looks at them.''

Skipper: Team?

''Kowalski was asleep with a pillow over his face. Rico was asleep with one of his legs sticking upwards. And Private was asleep with the pillow over the back of his head.''

Skipper: On your feet, Private.

Private’s tail wiggles.

Skipper: Aw… If that isn’t the cutest thing. Looks like I’m flying solo.

''Skipper goes over to Rico and hits his stomach. The force makes Rico regurgitate a grapple hook launcher. Skipper catches it and prepares to move out.''

Scene VI: From The Penguin Habitat To The Lemur Habitat
''Skipper slides over to the lemur habitat and hides behind a wall where he sees Julien’s tail going everywhere. Maurice and Mort were still dancing and Mort tiredly falls over onto the ground. Julien chuckles.''

Julien: You call that a booty shake?

''Skipper fires the grapple at the tree and swiftly flies over there. He reached where he wanted to go and lets go of the line. He quickly takes cover behind Julien’s throne and finally reaches the boom-boom box. He opens the hatch where the batteries are put. There was four batteries inside. Skipper rubs his flippers together in happiness. ''

Julien: (dancing) You must take the music inside of you, swish it around and spit it out through your tail.

Julien does the poses to show Maurice and Mort how it’s done.

Julien: (dancing) Try it with me. Take in the music…

The music suddenly stops.

Julien: Hey, not all the music, you greedies!

Maurice: (tired) It wasn’t us.

Julien: But what else could make a boomy box stop booming?

Julien thinks and then sees Skipper waddling off which makes him gasp in shock.

Julien: A thief!

''Julien runs after Skipper. Maurice and Mort smiled in happiness. Julien appears suddenly behind them and Maurice and Mort turned around.''

Julien: Keep dancing.

Maurice: But there’s no music!

Julien: I’ll pretend I did not hear that.

''Julien then runs after Skipper again. Maurice and Mort looked at each other with sad faces. Then they began dancing again.''

Scene VII: The Zoo
''Skipper who was holding the four batteries that power the boom-boom box. Julien saw the batteries and started chasing Skipper.''

Julien: Hey! Come back here, you music hater!

Skipper: I don’t hate music. I hate noise.

''Julien grabs two bananas and aims them at Skipper. He fires the bananas and they splatter on the ground in front of Skipper. Skipper, not looking where he‘s going, spins out of control and loses a battery. Julien dives and catches the falling battery. Skipper finally stops and sees that he has only three batteries now. Skipper looks at Julien who was diving at Skipper for the batteries. Skipper ducks and Julien flies over his head. Julien looked behind him angrily and then looked in front of him. Julien saw that he was about to hit a pole but quickly spins around it and flies in the direction of Skipper again. Julien grabs a battery and lands safely. He smiles evilly as he holds two batteries now. Julien looks at Skipper. Skipper starts waddling away from Julien. Julien sees a sleeping snake on a tree which gives him an idea.''

Skipper: Ha, ha! Lost him.

''Julien suddenly swings by Skipper on the snake, taking another battery. Julien lands and shows the three batteries to Skipper.''

Julien: Ha, ha!

''Skipper shows him the last battery he stole and jumps away from Julien. Julien looks at the three batteries and then throws them toward the lemur habitat angrily. He runs after Skipper with much anger.''

Scene VIII: The Lemur Habitat (Later)
Maurice was lying down drinking a smoothie with a twisty straw. Mort was still dancing.

Maurice: Mort, what are you doing?

Mort: I’m dancing.

Maurice: Give it a rest. Julien has no way of knowing if we’re dancing or not.

Mort: (claps his hands together with happiness) Oh, you’re right.

Then Julien throws three batteries, and hits them in the head, so that they could keep dancing.

Maurice: (scared) He knows! He knows!

They start dancing again really fast.

Mort: (dancing with fright) I like dancing to exhaustion!

Scene IX: The Zoo
''Skipper was holding the battery in his beak while he was sliding. He climbs on top of a brick wall. Julien gets up there as well.''

Julien: Be giving it up, flightless bird! I already have three batteries.

Julien puts up three of his fingers.

Skipper: But your noise maker needs all four. The only way you’re getting this one is if you pry it from my cold, dead flippers.

He shows one of his flippers.

Julien: Ugh! Sounds gross, but doable!

''Julien quickly dives at Skipper but Skipper holds him back with his flipper. Skipper runs the other way on the brick wall with Julien closely behind. Skipper stops and jumps just before Julien grabs him. Julien falls on his face and lies there. Julien uses his tail to knock the battery from Skipper’s flipper. The battery flies in the air and Julien grabs it with his foot and then, before Skipper can do anything, hits Skipper with his tail. Skipper falls over and then Julien gets up. He grabs the battery from his foot and stuffs the battery in Skipper’s face while smiling. Skipper gets mad and uses his feet to knock Julien off-balance. Skipper grabs the battery but Julien still hangs onto it as they fall into a habitat. ''

Scene X: The Kangaroo Habitat
''They roll as they hit the ground and then they finally stop. Skipper gets the battery but notices who’s habitat it is.''

Skipper: Oh, no.

''Julien sticks his finger below the battery, making it come out of Skipper’s flippers. Julien catches the battery.''

Julien: Aha! I win! Into your face, penguin!

Skipper grabs Julien’s nose but he was actually trying to cover Julien’s mouth.

Skipper: Shh! (whispering) Don’t make a sound. We’re in Joey’s pen.

Julien: (nose plugged) Who’s Joey?

They hear a sound and they see an animal getting up.

Skipper: That’s Joey.

''The animal hops towards them. Julien takes cover behind Skipper. The animal was a kangaroo.''

Julien: Ha. A kangaroo? (laughs) How cute. For a moment there, I thought it would be something dan-

''Joey kicks Julien into the air, making Julien lose his battery. Then Joey starts punching Julien, keeping Julien directly in the air while being punched. Julien gets hit multiple times in the face and then Joey punches him to the ground. Skipper watches Julien fall to the ground and then Joey approaches him.''

Skipper: Now look, marsupial, we don’t want any trouble. We just came to get…

''Now Skipper is being kicked by Joey. Skipper falls to the ground and slides over to Julien who is still on the ground.''

Joey: (while practicing his fighting skills) Joey don’t rightly appreciate trespassers, mates. (cracks his knuckles) Makes me mad.

''Julien and Skipper scream as they run and dodge Joey trying to stomp them. Julien and Skipper quickly run towards the tree in Joey’s habitat as Joey chases them. They climb up the tree very quickly just before Joey rams them. Skipper and Julien get high enough to avoid attack by him.''

Joey: Come down, you bludgers, (kicks the tree) before I chuck a wobbly.

''Joey tries to jump for them but can’t reach. Julien and Skipper were on one of the branches. Skipper was just holding on to the branch by his flippers and Julien was sitting on the branch.''

Julien: Have you never heard such a mangling of the language which we are speaking? Anywho, fear not.

Skipper was trying to pull himself onto the branch.

Julien: I have loyal subjects who live to sacrifice (puts one of his feet on Skipper’s head, leaving Skipper still hanging on) their skins for me.

Scene XI: The Lemur Habitat (Even Later)
Maurice and Mort are dancing slowly. They hear Julien’s voice.

Julien: (from distance) Mort! Maurice!

Maurice and Mort have fearful expressions on their faces and quickly start dancing rapidly again.

Mort: I’m dancing! I’m still dancing!

Maurice makes fearful sounds.

Scene XII: The Kangaroo Habitat
Julien was looking to see if his servants were coming but they didn’t.

Julien: Hmm… They are not running when I am bellowing. I shall punish them harshly.

''Skipper slaps Julien’s foot. Julien takes his foot off Skipper’s head and finally sits on the branch.''

Julien: OK, crazy-ish idea. You help me get out of this place.

Skipper: Team up… with you?

Julien: I was thinking more like you do all of the work, and I will watch with anticipation.

Skipper: Well, then forget it, compadre. It’s every animal for himself.

''Skipper jumps off the branch and onto Joey, sliding off his back and swiftly flies to the brick wall. He seemed like he was going to make it but didn’t. He falls to the ground and Joey approaches. Skipper looks behind himself to see Joey. Julien lies down on the branch as he watches Skipper get beat up by Joey. Skipper comes back up the tree.''

Skipper: OK, you win. Go team. First we’ll need a plan.

''Joey is still hopping around the tree. Julien and Skipper are waiting.''

Skipper: Here goes nothing.

''He and Julien jump off the branch and land on Joey’s beach ball and bounce up to the top of the brick wall. Skipper lands on the brick wall safely.''

Skipper: Hey! What do you know? It actually…

''Julien suddenly lands on him. They struggle to stay on but their weight makes them fall backwards. They fall back into Joey’s habitat. Joey was waiting for them and kicks them with both of his feet while they’re falling. Julien and Skipper hit the ground. Joey hops towards them.''

Julien: (scared) Not in the face. Please spare my money-maker.

''Joey punches them and they fly directly into the branch where they were before and lie on the branch, passed out. They lasso a rope to a lamppost that is out of Joey’s habitat. Then they tie the other end to the branch that’s inside Joey’s habitat.''

Skipper: All systems go.

They start walking on the rope, balancing their body as they walk along so as not to fall and get hit by Joey again.

Joey: And where do you two dingoes think you’re going?

''Joey jumps to knock them off the rope but can’t reach. Joey tries two more times but with no success. Julien notices that Joey can’t reach them. ''

Julien: (laughs) Kangaroo! You cannot be bouncing this high while I can.

''Julien walks on the rope, shaking it. Skipper starts losing his balance a little.''

Skipper'': Easy, Ringtail. '' Julien: Yes, I can do all the bouncing I choose up here.

''Julien starts bouncing on the rope. Which makes Skipper jump up and down on the rope''.

Skipper: Ringtail!

Julien doesn’t listen to Skipper and continues jumping while Skipper tries to stay on the rope.

Julien: Are you not seething with jealousy as I bounce and bounce and bounce some more?

''Julien laughs as he jumps over Skipper who is now flipping over and over on his belly. Julien starts dances as he jumps.''

Julien: Look at my bouncing magnificence!

''Julien looks at Skipper who is now just hanging on with his flippers. Skipper then loses his grip and quickly grabs hold of Julien’s tail which brings them both down to Joey. Joey grabs Julien’s tail to stop them from slingshoting.''

Julien: Hello. Did anyone ever tell you, you have beautiful eyes?

Joey smiles in an evil way.

Julien: Please, not to be hitting me.

Joey: No worries, mate.

  Joey pulls down Julien and Skipper even farther down to the ground and then let’s go of Julien’s tail. Skipper and Julien slingshot into the air. They fall towards the tree and hit a branch as they fall. Then they slip and fall again, hitting the branch they are always on. Skipper and Julien pass out again from the impact on the branches. Joey is stilling hopping around the tree.'' ''

Julien: (scared) Skipper, if only one of us can make it out of here, (Julien shivers) let it be… Joey.

Skipper: (surprised) Wait, Joey?

Julien: Oh, yeah. Without the beatings, this place wouldn’t be half bad.

Skipper: Well, we’re getting out of here, Ringtail, (shows him two fake figures made out of leaves and twigs) thanks to this handsome fella(points to the shorter one that is probably him) and his little dummy friend.

He points to the tall one who is probably Julien.

Julien: (showing his face) You have failed to capture my regal profile.

Skipper: Joey only needs to buy it for a few precious moments. (he points to the gate that has hay behind it) You see, every morning, that gate automatically opens for breakfast. At precisely 0600 hours, we use our decoys and we break. Fast. Get my drift?

Julien comes over and puts his hands on Skipper’s head which makes Skipper angry.

Julien: No, this is too long. I cannot wait 600 hours.

Skipper: (moves) 0600 means 6am.

Julien: Oh! When is that?

Skipper: (looks at the sun rising up) From reading the sun correctly, I say…

The gate open and a stack of hay gets thrown into the habitat.

Skipper: …now!

Julien: (surprised) Now?

Skipper: (kicks the decoys off the branch) Now! Now! Now!

''He grabs Julien and throws him off the branch and then he dives off. They land on the ground.''

Julien: Nobody pushes a king out of a tree.

Skipper covers Julien’s mouth.

Skipper: Shh!

''Skipper waits to see if Joey will fall for the decoys. The shorter decoy falls over. Joey, who was holding his beach ball, hops over to the decoys. He grabs the shorter decoy and starts punching it.''

Joey: Give you two a proper harrying, I will.

''Skipper and Julien watch as Joey tears the decoys to pieces. Joey rips one of the decoys and stomps on the remains, growling.''

Skipper: (whispers) Run!

''They quickly start sliding and running to the gate. Julien sees the missing battery on the ground and picks it up.''

Julien: Hey, look what I-

''He gets hit by Skipper and they tumble on the ground. Joey hears them and looks around.''

Joey: I’ve been had.

''Skipper and Julien stop tumbling and Julien sees Joey hopping towards them. Julien runs to the gate but Skipper gets cut off as Joey gets in his path. Joey exhales and then tries to punch Skipper on the ground but Skipper dodges it. Julien dives into a bunch of hay.''

Julien: (still holding the battery) Whew! Everyone who is important to me made it. Happy ending.

Julien begins to walk off with the battery but then stops.

Julien: But what is this feeling I am feeling? It is not a happiness.

''He hears punching and groans back in Joey’s habitat. Julien looks out, seeing Joey and Skipper fighting each other.''

Skipper: Was that the best you got?!

Skipper rolls everywhere while dodging Joey’s attacks.

Julien: It is a feeling that I have not done all I should have done. I don not like it. (punches his stomach) How do I make it go away?

''Joey tries to stomp Skipper but misses because Skipper jumps on his beach ball. Skipper bounces on the beach ball while being pursued. Joey gets in front of Skipper and kicks the beach ball. Skipper lets go but Joey doesn’t see him anywhere. Skipper then comes out of Joey’s pouch, gasping causing Joey to look down at him. The gate continues to close as Skipper is pursued. Julien shivers and then gulps. He lets go of the battery and begins to hold back the gate.''

Julien: Please do hurry, penguin.

Skipper is still being chased while trying not to be stomped by Joey.

Julien: I am not used to the physical labor.

Skipper bounces off a brick wall.

Skipper: Trying!

Julien: Ugh! I cannot hold it much longer. What more can I, a devilishly handsome lemur king, do?

''He sees the battery on the ground. He thinks of what to do as he looks back at Skipper and Joey. Skipper is on Joey’s tail as Joey is trying to grab him with his mouth. Julien looks back at the battery. He grunts as he struggles to hold up the gate. He grabs the battery with his foot and places it on one side of the gate, which stops the gate from closing for now.''

Julien: Hurry! Hurry!

''Skipper dodges Joey trying to grab him with his hand and lands on the ground. Skipper puts his flippers into a shape of an square as he looks at the gate. Skipper smiles and looks at a branch on the tree. Joey approaches him.''

Skipper: What’s the matter, wallaby? Can’t kick a moving target.

He wiggles his bottom.

Joey: Wallaby? (mad) I’m a kangaroo, mate!

''Joey kicks Skipper and Skipper flies into the branch which he deflects in the direction of Joey. Joey ducks and Skipper passes him as he hits the ground. Skipper slides pass the gate and Joey hops over there. The battery stops holding the gate in place and falls to the ground. The gate crunches the battery. Joey tries to grab them through the gate but can’t.''

Joey: Oh! I’ve been had again.

Skipper: We did it! Up high.

''Skipper puts up his flipper for a high-five. Julien looks at Skipper’s flipper.''

Julien: Yes, it is.

Skipper: (puts his flipper lower) Down low.

Julien doesn’t say anything.

Skipper: Too slow? (puts his flipper on his hip)

Julien: You… You are too slow.

Skipper: (walks away) Oh, never mind.

Scene XIII Lemur Habitat
Julien is standing on his throne as he tells about what happened to Maurice and Mort.

Julien: And so, I bravely saved the annoying penguin. (sighs) But at what cost? (sad) Without my battery, our booties are sad and still.

Maurice: (sitting) Oh, that’s a crying shame, Your Majesty.

Mort: (sitting) Oh, yeah! Shame.

Maurice and Mort smile at each other.

Skipper: (distance) Look alive, lemurs.

Skipper flips over to them.

Skipper: This is no way to party down.

Julien: True that. Your wisdom exceeds your years, my flippered friend. What is a party without mad beats to rock the streets?

Skipper brings out a walkie-talkie.

Skipper: That’s why you need this.

''He opens the battery hatch on the walkie-talkie and takes out a battery. He throws the battery to Julien and Julien catches it.''

Julien: For me? I’m not gonna cry. I’m not gonna cry.

Skipper: (starts walking away) Consider it a tip of the beak for saving my tail.

''Skipper slides off. Julien jumps to his boom-boom box and puts the battery in there.''

Julien: Now, squeeze in there with your friends.

Singer: Get down, get down…

Julien jumps on top of the boom-boom box and starts dancing.

Julien: The monster beats rage on! Boogie, my subjects! Yes! Boogie!

Mort whimpers and screams.

Scene XIV: Penguin Habitat
''Skipper walks to his habitat. Skipper climbs down the ladder and sees that his team is still sleeping.''

Skipper: How can you boys still be sleeping? On your feet, team.

''He grabs Private’s pillow. Private wakes up with earmuffs on. He rubs his eye.''

Private: What’s that, Skipper?

Skipper: Earmuffs? Well, I’ll be.

Kowalski is now awake with earmuffs on.

Private: Only way to catch quality sack time around here.

''Kowalski ducks down to Rico who is still asleep. Kowalski slaps him which makes Rico wake up. Rico looks around confused.''

Kowalski: Rico, did you forget to give Skipper his?

''Rico holds his beak and thinks. Rico regurgitates Skipper’s earmuffs and Skipper holds it.''

Skipper: Thanks, boys.

  Skipper puts on the earmuffs and hears no music.'' ''

Skipper: Ahhh. Bliss.