Send in the Clown

Send in the Clown

Submitted by Hip

(One day in the Dome City, Mario and Princess are playing tennis with Luigi next to a score table and Yoshi on the sidelines. A Lava Lotus spits a fireball at Mario, who swings it over to Princess. She hits it to Mario, who misses.)

Luigi: Hey, 30-Love Princess! That fire plant serving machine sure was a good idea!

Princess: Thank you! I tried everything! Even Fire Flowers!

(Princess pulls a Fire Flower out of her pocket and puts it back in while talking.)

Princess: The fire plant was the only thing that worked! Serve!

(The Lava Lotus spits out another fireball towards Mario. Mario is about to hit it, but Yoshi sticks out his tongue, grabs it, and eats it.)

Mario: Yoshi!

Yoshi: Well I get ball like you say! *burp*

Mario: After the ball is out of play!

Luigi: Ball boys don’t eat the balls, they pick ‘em up!

Yoshi: What? Me no eat ball? You call this fun?

(Nearby, Kootie Pie posts a circus poster on an arch. Big Mouth walks up to her.)

Big Mouth: Not here, Kootie Pie! Use your head for something besides make-up! Those faucet fixers might see us! They got eyes everywhere! They got ears too, so keep it quiet! We don’t want them at our circus, we just want Cave People like Papa Koopa said! Then the more the better, and furthermore-

(Kootie Pie sticks a poster on Big Mouth’s face, which muffles his voice. Meanwhile, Koopa is in his Clown Copter flying over the Dome City with a megaphone.)

Koopa: Come one, come all, to the Koopling Bros. Circus! The greatest show in Dinosaur Land! Ya don’t know what a circus is? Then now is the time to find out! Cave People free of charge! Two for the price of none! Such a deal! Hurry, hurry, hurry right this way! (to himself) This is easier than talking Kootie Pie into a shopping spree! (aloud) Right this way boys! You are about to enter this warp pipe and leap into a dimension beyond space and time!

(Cave People jump into the pipe.)

Koopa: (to himself) Right into a Cave People casserole for my ravenous dinosaurs! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

(Cut to the tennis game.)

Luigi: Give up, Mario! She’s whupping ya bad!

(The Lava Lotus serves a fireball at Mario. It goes flying over the court and out of bounds, but Mario goes after it and Yoshi follow.)

Luigi: Forget it, Mario, it’s outside!

(Yoshi bumps into Mario and they fall over. Yoshi eats the fireball and spits it out.)

Mario: Yoshi! What did we just tell you?

Yoshi: Well outside court means out of play! Yoshi yes?

Mario, Luigi, and Princess: No!

(Mario looks around.)

Mario: Huh? Hey, where’d all the Cave People go? The place is deserted!

(Luigi sees a poster.)

Luigi: Koopaling Bros. Circus! Oh no, Koopa’s at it again!

(Cut to a Star Road pad that Mario and co. are standing on.)

Mario: We’ll take the Star Path and start looking for the Cave People at Koopa’s Neon Castle! This could be, a Koopatastrophe!

(The Star Pad warps them to Star Road. Mario points to a pipe.)

Mario: That one!

(They jump in. Cut to the outside of Neon Castle. Mario and co. show up as Cave People walk inside.)

Mario: We gotta stop them! They’re going to their doom!

Yoshi: Doom? What is doom?

(They run across the bridge into the castle. Inside is a huge room with a circus tent set up inside.)

Yoshi: Oh, this doom thing definitely more fun than tennis! Ha ha ha!

(They walk into the tent to see a circus with Cave People in the bleachers.)

Mario: Take a seat! Let’s check this out before we do anything rash!

(They sit down. A Chargin’ Chuck on a trapezee hits a ball with a baseball bat at another Chargin’ Chuck who catches it. The Cave People clap their hands and cheer. A Mechakoopa rides a bicycle on a tightrope. Big Mouth, wearing a ringleader suit, walks into the center ring.)

Big Mouth: Come one, come all, to the greatest circus of ‘em all! The Koopling Bros. Circus! Greatest show in Dinosaur Land! Because of me, Big Mouth, the greatest ringleader of ‘em all! Master tamer of dangerous dinosaurs! Mastermind of the amazing Mechakoopas! Lord of all he surveys! Purveyor of-

(Koopa picks up Big Mouth.)

Koopa: Time out in the tongue department, Big Mouth!

(Big Mouth runs off.)

Koopa: Bring on the clowns!

(Koopa and Kootie Pie open some curtains and Rexes dressed up as clowns run in. One of them wheels in a cannon. He sets it off and another Rex goes flying and hits the Mechakoopa on the tightrope. They fall directly on top of Big Mouth and his body gets squashed into his hat. The audience laughs.)

Mario: Big Mouth with his mouth shut, that’s something to cheer about!

(Big Mouth kicks the Mechakoopa and Rex out of his way as he breaks his head and arms out of the hat.)

Big Mouth: Oh the brave klutzes! I am not part of your stupid act! I am the ringmaster! The greatest ringmaster of them all at the greatest circus of them all! I am your fearless leader! Your master of hope and ceremony! I am to be treated with-

(A Rex taps his shoulder. Big Mouth turns around only to have a pie fly into his face.)

Big Mouth: Respect!

(Big Mouth trips over another Rex’s tail, and lands on a trampoline. He bounces into a Chargin’ Chuck who drops him into a tub of slime. Koopa and Kootie Pie are clapping their hands.)

Koopa: I never knew Big Mouth had a sense of humor!

(Some slime lands on Koopa’s face.)

Big Mouth: I don’t!

(Big Mouth starts to chase the Rexes.)

Big Mouth: Come back here you poor silliness perambulator! You negligent nudnic! You-

Luigi: What’s Koopa up to? He never does anything like this without a reason!

Mario: Relax, enjoy the show! We’ll find out soon enough.

(Two Rexes wheel in a pie throwing machine. They trip on a rope and the machine rolls over to Koopa.)

Koopa: I’ll take that!

(Koopa turns the crank, causing the pies to fly all over the place. They land on the faces of Rexes and Cave People.)

Princess: Look out!

(Yoshi eats all the pies headed towards the group.)

Yoshi: Yum!

Mario: Not bad, Yoshi!

Yoshi: Not bad, delicious!

(A Rex trips over a pie and Big Mouth runs over him. The Rex gets up and growls at the audience, which scares them.)

Mario: Dinosaurs!

Luigi: It’s a trap!

(The Rexes rip off their costumes while the Cave People runs outside the tent, towards the entrance.)

Koopa: Quick, block the entrances!

(A Thwomp falls in front of the entrance, blocking it off.)

(Koopa pulls a lever and the bleachers tip over towards the ring. Everyone hangs on screaming.)

Big Mouth: On to the next act, folks! There’ll be lots of audience participation! Fun for all and all for fun! The time of your life! The last time of your life!

(While speaking, Big Mouth presses a lever, opening up a hole in the floor next to the bleachers. In the hole is a cage.)

Princess: I, I can’t hold on!

(The Cave People fall in.)

Koopa: The Dinosaurs are having you for dinner!

Big Mouth: Have a good time! Have a nice day! Sayonara, so long, ciao! See you later alligator ciao! Bon voyage! Hasta la vista! Be sure to write!

(Princess, Luigi, and Yoshi fall in. Koopa walks up to Mario.)

Koopa: Are my Dinosaurs in for a treat! Kinda high in cholesterol, but I’m sure they can handle it! Ha ha ha ha ha!

(Koopa pulls Mario’s fingers off the edge one by one.)

Mario: No! stop! Ahh!

(Mario falls in.)

Princess: Food for the dinosaurs? We gotta do something!

(Koopa lowers a hook and grabs Mario. He brings him back up to the ring.)

Koopa: A circus isn’t a circus without a Dinosaur taming act!

(Koopa places a chair in Mario’s hands.)

Mario: Uh, how about a Chipmunk taming act instead?

(Big Mouth, now with no suit on, walks up to them.)

Koopa: Big Mouth, bring on the dinosaurs! Ha ha ha ha ha!

(Big Mouth runs up to a cover over something. Big Mouth pulls off the cover to reveal a cage with a Dino Rhino and two Dino Torches. Koopa pushes Mario into the cage and locks the door. The Dino Rhino growls at Mario. Mario holds the chair at the dinosaurs.)

Mario: *gasp* Take that, you big lug! You don’t, you don’t scare me!

(The Dino Rhino eats half the chair. The Dino Torches spit fireballs at the rest of the chair and Mario lets go as it burns up. The Dino Rhino pushes Mario to the floor and gets on top of him. He drools and his bad breath gets in Mario’s face.)

Mario: Yuck, I guess no one’s invented mouthwash yet!

(The Dino Rhino licks his lips.)

Mario: How about saying grace? A nice long one maybe? I know, we’ll get Big Mouth to say it!

Princess: Poor Mario!

Luigi: Poor dinosaur! He doesn’t know the indigestion he’s in for! Hey, you still have that Fire Flower?

Princess: Of course!

(Princess pulls the Fire Flower out of her pocket.)

Princess: Mario! Quick, catch!

(Princess throws it out of the hole, and it lands right in Mario’s hand, giving him fire power.

Mario: Ha ha! Thanks Princess! You like hot ‘n spicy? Try this!

(Mario shoots the Dino Rhino and defeats it. The Dino Torches spit fireballs at Mario, who dodges them. Mario shoots the Dino Rhinos with fireballs, defeating them too.)

Koopa: Quick! Stop him!

(Mario shoots the lock, which melts it. Mario kicks the door open and runs up to the hole.)

Princess: Get ‘em, Mario!

Luigi: Good job, bro!

Mario: I’ll be back, as soon as I find a Feather!

(Mario runs off. The song The Greatest Show in the World starts up.)

When they raise the tent And light the light (bingo) We will see the most amazing sight (yes) First the maestro will strike up the band (wow) You're the finest circus in the land Spotlights shine The people start to cheer Fireworks light up the sky We're gonna be the greatest show in the world At the circus tonight When they raise the tent And light the light (bingo) We will see the most amazing sight (yes) First the maestro will strike up the band (wow) You're the finest circus in the land Spotlights shine The people start to cheer Fireworks light up the sky We're gonna be the greatest show in the world At the circus tonight When they raise the tent And light the light (bingo) We will see the most amazing sight (yes) First the maestro will strike up the band (wow) You're the finest circus in the land Spotlights shine The people start to cheer Fireworks light up the sky We're gonna be the greatest show in the world At the circus tonight

(Some Chargin’ Chucks hit Mario with baseballs and he loses his Fire Power. Mario runs out of the tent and jumps from platform to platform to ledge and enters a door. Three Chargin’ Chucks follow him. Mario hits a block, turning off the lights, except for some spotlights. Mario runs into a Bowser statue that almost hits him with a fireball, but Mario jumps over it into a room full of moving spikes which almost crush Mario, who then dodges a Ball ‘n Chain. Mario runs into a room with a lava pool in the center. Mario jumps onto the island in the lava and sees a Dry Bones that throws a bone at him.)

Mario: Oh no!

(Mario dodges the bone, jumps onto the Dry Bones, and runs into the next room. Mario jumps around on the moving platforms to a ledge with another door he runs through. At the end of the hall he opens the door and sees Big Mouth with two Chargin’ Chucks. Mario runs into another door and sees another Bowser statue. Mario dodges the fireball it spits and it ends up hitting the Chargin’ Chucks. Mario runs down the hall, only to be pursued by more Chargin’ Chucks and Mechakoopas. They attack him with footballs and fireballs. Mario runs into a ? Block. He hits it and a Feather pops out, which he uses to become Caped Mario. Mario lunges at the enemies and spins around, therefore defeating them. One of the Chargin’ Chucks lands on Koopa. Big Mouth sees Mario and runs towards the tent. Mario chases him. When Big Mouth runs inside, Mario pulls out a steak supporting the tent, which comes falling down, almost crushing Big Mouth and Kootie Pie. Mario pulls part of the tent off the cage that everyone but Princess is still trapped in as the song ends.)

Mario: I’ll have you out in a bang!

Koopa: I wouldn’t do that plunger face! Not if you want to see your precious Princess again!

(Mario turns around and sees Koopa and Princess in the Clown Copter. Two Mechakoopas jump out of the Copter.)

Princess: Watch out, Mario!

(The Copter turns upside down and a giant ball falls out and rolls towards Mario. Mario jumps over it and lands on a Mechakoopa.)

Mario: You Mechakoopas just got a new name, Mashed Koopas!

(Mario throws the Mechakoopa at Koopa. The Copter’s face gets mad and starts to pound the floor, almost hitting Mario.)

Mario: No more clowning around, Koopa! You’re Kooped up!

(Mario bonks the other Mechkoopa on the head and tosses it at Koopa. The Copter goes spinning out of control and Princess falls out of it into Mario’s arms. Everyone cheers as Mario spin dashes the lock on the cage which breaks it. Everyone walks out.

Luigi: Way to go, Mario! You sure cooked his casserole!

Princess: Yeah! When we get the Cave People back to Dome City, we’ll have a celebration!

(Cut to Dome City. A circus is going on and it’s being run by Mario and co. Mario is wearing a ringleader suit. Luigi hands out ice cream to the Cave Kids. Princess walks across a tightrope and jumps down.)

Mario: Give our high flying Princess a round of applause, folks! Send in the clown!

(Yoshi, dressed as a clown, walks into the ring. He trips over his big shoes.)

Mario: Oh no! While our clown get his balance, I’ll keep you entertained with my juggling act!

(Mario juggles some balls. Yoshi sticks out his tongue and eats them one by one.)

Mario: Hey, that’s my act you’re eating! Ha ha, folks, meet our new star!

Audience: (cheering) Yoshi! Yoshi! Yoshi!

(Mario hugs Yoshi, who licks him on the cheek.)

The End