Bionic Cow

It's alive! Kids, I've enlisted the help of some rappers I've found on the Craig's List to explain Einstein's theory of relativity. So come on in guys. This is the class. Uh, those things are anus shattering. Uh, uh, uh! Over heated again? You cheap little rice burner piece of crap! Come on, come on, come on, come on. Oh, yeah! That's a weird traffic marking. Whoa! Holy shit! Oh, oh, ugh! Ow! I can't feel my legs. Oh, oh thank you. Oh, oh thank you. Bless you. I need to go to a hospital. Oh thank you so much. Thank you. Oh, ahh, oh! Ahh! Mother fucking game! Uh-oh, my war injury's acting up again. Do it again uncle Glen! Maybe later. Uncle Glen needs a beer. Ahh. What the Who are you? Removing your finger, that's a good power uncle Glen. I must have it. Ahh! Kids, where's your uncle Glen? We don't know mama. He's gone. Uh, he must be having one of his explosive diarrhea attacks again. Oh. Every once in a while this power backfires. I can see! Oh Magoo, you've done it again. What are all these dragons made of metal My goodness, father what's that? It appears to be a jungle dwelling ape man. Yeah, yeah, I know. I meant that! Oh, that's a penis. I think I like penis. Well you are your mother's daughter. Jane, me Jane. Jane! That's right, very good. Jane! Jane, Jane, ooh, ooh, ooh Jane. Yes! My name is Jane! Me save you! Tarzan, my hero. Growl Tarzan, my hero. Ah! Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Ahhh! Oh! Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Uh, uh, uh, uh Ahh! Ahh! Uh, ah, oh! Uh, ah, oh! Huh! Tarzan, don't move, I'll go get you a doctor. No, Jane, humans bad. Me no want doctor. Me no want Jane neither. You mean either, not Me freaking ape man, me no give crap! Tarzan never saw Jane again, his broken body was mended by the best jungle medicine the apes could provide. Uh-oh! Hmm? I wonder where the ocean is going. We the jury find the defendant, delightful! Well thank you very much. I flossed and brushed my teeth again. They say only floss the ones you want to keep. I always liked that joke. Then I swished around some mouth wash. Kills gingivitis. Damn gingivitis. Leading cause of gum disease. Saw an old lady trying to cross the street. Grandma couldn't have been less than 90 years old. Probably seen a lot over those years. Lots of stories to tell and a family that loves her. Let me help you out granny. Stopped the cars to make sure granny could cross. I'm walking here! I love that line. Then I saw some pussy that made my heart stop. Pussy was caught up in the tree. A kid crying for it. Poor kid, probably not old enough to tie his shoe and his damn kitten's life is in my hands. Here ya go buddy. Tipped the barista five bucks for my soy latte. These lattes are good. Good enough to kill for. But I'd never do that. Killing is bad, unless you're killing gingivitis. Or one score. Getting a good ass kicking in here. Hey Robert E. Lee, where do you think you're going? We still have 3 score and 7 kicks to the balls to go. Ugh! This is a robbery! Fill this bag with inconsequential bills. Wow, I'm getting robbed by Nicole Richie Shh! Shut up! I want to go to prison to save my friend Paris. For a robbery, they might just fine you for that. Good point. Stupid celebrity, armed robbery and murder? You'll be locked up for 45 days! Am I locked up? Perhaps it is you who are locked up and I am truly free. Shut up you bitch! Get out of my head! Ahh! She's in my brain! Nicole, is that you? Paris! I couldn't let my best bud/ meal ticket rot in jail. Now could I? Wink. But now we're both locked up. Don't worry, I have an escape plan tattooed on me. I recognize those symbols. They're words Paris. What? Oh yes! Oh yeah, give it to me! Oh yeah, you're the right guard! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, unlock my cell! My vagina cell! Yeah! Oh! That was great ladies, but you got to go right back into Oh! Agh! Hey, I forgot to use the poison. Why does that keep happening to all my boyfriends? You should really see a gynecologist. TV Announcer: We now cancel Caveman to bring you breaking news from Lynn Wood prison noted celebutards Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have escaped. Viewers will recall that Nicole Richie is the daughter of famous musician Lionel Richie. Nicole, it is over! You've got nowhere left to run! The joke's on you! I weigh 62 pounds, I can glide through the air! Like a spider monkey! Up! Up! And away Falkor! No! Yeah! Hmm, I could really go for another one of those. Where is our cabana boy? Paris! Oops! I did it again. With my vagina. Laughing makes me hungry.
 * 1) I'm E, what up # # And I'm MC Square # # We came to rhyme and we came prepared # # Yo, I like this beat that you're giving me # # Now tell me the theory of relativity # # E stands for energy, sucker fool # # It's not measured in watts bitch, it's measured in joules # # But listen up class, the M is for mass # # And if you don't like it you can kiss my ass # # The C stands for speed of light in a vacuum # # So back up hoes and give us some room # # And the theory of mass requires rest energy # # Without a hitch # # Which made Newton's second law that appears # # That nonrelative class mechanics, bitch # Einstein mother fucker! Yo! We also got one about algebra! Yeah, yeah, A squared times B squared equals these nuts, bitch! Ow, oh Ow, oh.
 * 1) Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # Ba-gawk! Bawk.