Win Big

WIN BIG --- Story by: TOM RUEGGER Written by: PETER HASTINGS Directed by: DAVE MARSHALL, RUSTY MILLS Animation: WANG FILM PRODUCTIONS BRAIN: I hope you're prepared Pinky. For tonight's plan to take over the world promises to be extra-ordinary. Pinky? PINKY: Hee hee hee. TV:    Bang! Zoom! Right in the kisser! PINKY: Hee hee. Bang! Zoom! Right in the kisser! Narf! Hee hee, oh. BRAIN: You watch too much TV Pinky. PINKY: Bang! Zoom! BRAIN: Stop saying that Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you. PINKY: Oh. Okay. Sorry, Brain. Narf! [Brain uses paper clip to escape from cage] PINKY: Egad! You astound me Brain! BRAIN: That's a simple task, Pinky. {P&^B Theme} Once we construct the super-conductive magnetic infindibulator, the world will be ours. Pinky? TV:    --It is often said when a golfer tees off. Alvey? --What is "fore", Alex? PINKY: What is narf!? Uh, what is poit!? BRAIN: What is inordinately short attention span, Alex? [Brain retrieves plans for the infindibulator] BRAIN: The plans, Pinky, for the super-conductive magnetic infindibulator. Shall I explain how it works? PINKY: Narf! Challenge me! BRAIN: I'm sure I will. By using the infindibulator to deplete hydrogen and promote gravitational collapse, we will produce a magnetic charge in       the center of the earth so strong that every person who has loose change in their pockets will be magnetically drawn to the ground and stuck there. PINKY: Egad, Brain, brilliant! Uh, oh no, wait. What if they take off their pants? BRAIN: Then, we'll have to take over the world *quickly*! Every item we need is here in the lab save one, the infindibulator. But I       know where we can get one. The Farmer's Almanac! {Old MacDonald Had a Farm} [They find a copy of the almanac] PINKY: Thanks! {Pinky and the Brain Theme} Ah, here we are. Build your own infindibulator with things you have around the home. Only ninety-nine thousand dollars. *gasp* Ninety-nine thousand dollars! Narf! Where're we gonna get that Brain? TV:    *BUZZ* Sorry Matilda, that's incorrect. What did you wager? {Sad Song (I STILL don't know what it's called, people!!!)} All of it. Oh, that's too bad because you could have won ninety-nine thousand dollars. BRAIN: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? PINKY: I think so, Brain, but where are we gonna find a duck and a hose at this hour? BRAIN: The money, Pinky. I can go on that show and win the money for the infindibulator. PINKY: Egad Brain! Oh, no but the questions on Gyparody are incredibly hard. I mean, you'd have to get every single one right. BRAIN: Quiz me. Ask me anything. PINKY: Narf! Okay. What is pie? BRAIN: The ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter having a value of eight decimal places of 3.14159265... but ask me something difficult, Pinky. PINKY: Uh, uh, narf, oh okay. What TV character says "Bang! Zoom!"? BRAIN: I told you to stop saying that. I don't care who says that. PINKY: Ralph Kramden. Tah dah! BRAIN: We must prepare. [Cut to P&B tying shoes of mechanical person] BRAIN: That does it. I'm going in. "Honey, I'm home." PINKY: Hah hah hah! Uh, that's a funny joke, Brain! BRAIN: I am not devoid of humor. Prepare for departure. {Powerhouse-like music} Taxi! Taxi! {Animaniacs theme} [Y,W,D run through with Ralph in chase.] BRAIN: The television station, please. {Another oft-used theme. Anyone know what this one is?} CABBY: You got it. Whoa-ho, hey, if you don't mind me askin', bub, uh, what happened to your head? BRAIN: Nothing. I am a mouse in a large mechanical suit. CABBY: Heh heh heh heh, okay, all right, my fault for askin', right? [At TV station] {Gyparody Music} ANNOUNCER: This is Gyparody! Our returning champion, Alvey! And please welcome Deloris and Brian! BRAIN: Uh, that's 'Brain', not 'Brian'. ANNOUNCER: And now your host, Alex Quebec! ALEX:  Let's start with our returning champion. ALVEY: Uh, I'll take ancient shoe sizes for two hundred, Alex. ALEX:  Socrates' pupil, Plato@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca, wore his sandals this size. BRAIN:   What was seven-and-a-half? ALEX:  That's correct, Brian. BRAIN: That's Brain. I'll take kings named Moshoeshoe for two hundred. ALEX:  He ruled Lestho [sic] in 1820. Brian. BRAIN:   Who is King Moshoeshoe the first. ALEX:    Correct. Select again Brian. BRAIN:   Brain. Isle of Yap for four hundred. ALEX:  Three Yappian island neighbors. Brian. BRAIN:   What are Bikar, Ailuk, and Ailinglapalap... What is inversely proportional to square of the cube distances between them...       What is the crust of Io...        What is a Regis Philbin... ALEX:  That concludes round two, and it looks like our challenger Brian-- BRAIN: Brain. ALEX:  -- will be the only one to play final Gyparody, so far having answered every single question correctly. Have you made your wager? BRAIN: Yes, Alex. ALEX:  Any plans on how you'll spend your winnings? BRAIN: Yes. I plan to take over the world. ALEX:  Hah hah hah hah. My fault for asking. PINKY: Go Brain! Narf! We almost got all our money! In the words of... ALEX:  Now, for ninety-nine thousand dollars, here's the final Gyparody answer. In the category 'Quotable Quotes': This classic TV        character is known for saying, "Bang!  Zoom!  Right in the kisser!" BRAIN: Uhm, *GULP* Uh, who is, uh... ALEX:   Five seconds. BRAIN: I um... who is uh... ALEX:   Two seconds. BRAIN: Who is uh...   Pinky! *BUZZ* AUDIENCE: *GROAN* ALEX:  Oooh, that's incorrect. The question is: 'Who is Ralph Kramden?' And how much did you wager? BRAIN: Everything. ALEX:  Which leaves you with nada. I'm so sorry. And that wraps up our show. Goodnight everybody! [Back in the lab] PINKY: How about, "Wheel of Misfortune"? BRAIN: No. PINKY:  You could win the money on, "$10,000 Pile of Mud". BRAIN: No Pinky. I'm going back to the cage to get some rest for tomorrow night. PINKY: Why Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night? BRAIN: The same thing we do everynight, Pinky -- try to take over the world! Y,W,D: They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain-Brain-Brain-Brain-Brain!