Johnny's Pet Day

This is a transcript of the Johnny Test episode, Johnny's Pet Day.


 * Hugh: What's on everyone's agenda today?
 * Susan: We're going to cure athlete's foot.
 * Mary: Using a coat hanger, chewing gum, and Uranium-232.
 * Hugh: Amazing. But you have to treat the Porkbelly Patriots, and the breakfast table.
 * Football Players: Sorry, Mr. Test.
 * Hugh: Johnny, what about you?
 * Johnny: It's pet day at school! I get to bring a pet to show up in class!
 * Dukey: Neigh! [Sings] Inset Day, inset day, way, hey! [Stops Singing] Oh! Hello. I'm Johnny Test Dukey and you are? Charmed, I'm sure, Dukey deny out! Ooh, this one goes perfect with my puppy dog eyes. Today, here I come.


 * Johnny: Fine! I'm off to Pet Day!
 * [Dukey stops by the front door. Johnny is seen holding a cage with a Repto-slicer inside.]
 * Johnny: Repto-slicer's gonna wow 'em today.
 * Dukey: Huh?
 * [Dukey catches up to Johnny.]
 * Dukey: Repto-slicer? It's Pet Day! Who's your pet? I'm your pet. Your class will love me! I'm amazing.
 * Johnny: That's the problem. You're too amazing.
 * Dukey: Say what.
 * Johnny: If the kids in my class and my teacher catch you talking or riding a halfpipe do you know what would happen?
 * Dukey: The government will take me away and do dangerous tests on me to discover my talking origin?
 * Johnny: Worse! Hollywood producers will descend on Porkbelly and make you the star of a reality series!
 * [The screen ripples to Johnny's thought.]
 * Announcer: It's time for everyone's favorite reality show, Talking Dog!
 * Dukey: Will you all just leave me alone?!
 * [The screen ripples back to Johnny. Dukey screams.]
 * Johnny: Repto-slicer has cool steel blades, and he's gonna make his famous salsa for the class!
 * Dukey: Salsa? I can make salsa.
 * [Dukey drops Repto-slicer into a bowl of salad food. It protrudes its spikes and spins, mixing up the salad into a salsa. Dukey shows his salsa to Johnny, who is unimpressed and rather cross.]
 * Johnny: You used Repto-slicer!
 * Dukey: Yeah, not smart. [Gives the bowl to Johnny] Wait here. [Runs off.]
 * Johnny: I can't wait. I'll be late.


 * Dukey: Just gotta borrow your hydro nuclear photonic microwave for a sec. Hmm? Wha!
 * [Dukey is back outside, holding a platter.]
 * Dukey: Here you go. I made salsa enchiladas and tortillas! Johnny?
 * [Johnny carries on walking with Repto-slicer.]
 * Dukey: Ay-ay-ay.
 * [Outside the school, Johnny is about to walk in, but Dukey, driving a taxi, stops beside him.]
 * Dukey: Can Repto-slicer juggle live trout? I don't think so. Can repto-slicer dance the robot? No!
 * Johnny: [Seriously] No dog talking school.
 * Dukey: But I won't talk! I'll do boring doggy stop, like rolling over. Or taking a stick!
 * Old Man: Can I have my cane back?
 * Johnny: [Annoyed] It's only pet day. It's no big deal, and I'm bringing Repto-slicer.
 * Dukey: Hmm... If Repto-slicer isn't at school, Johnny will have to find another pet for pet day. Me! [Laughs]


 * [Johnny opens the locker door.]
 * Johnny: Okay, Repto-slicer! Be good. [Quickly] And I'll come back to get you when it's time for the pet presentation.
 * [He closes the locker door and walks off.]
 * Dukey: Thirty nine, fifteen, twenty eight, one hundred fifty six, two. Sorry repto ol pal but you've been dismissed early. Whoopsie. Uh... Nice Repto-slicer. Back in the locker you go. Pretty Birdie.


 * Dukey: If I can't move repto-slicer I'll just move the lockers. Hang on, Pet Day, Dukey's coming!
 * Woman: Hall monitor, what's going on?
 * Dukey: Oh uh nothing, just taking the lockers out to be um... oiled. You see what happens when you don't oil the lockers?
 * [Woman shrieks]
 * Dukey: Oh, this is bad.
 * Girl: There's a talking dog at school!
 * Boy: There's a talking dog at school!
 * Girl 1: [Shrieks] What did he say?!
 * Girl 2: Talking dog? Well...
 * Teacher: What's this er... talking dog?
 * Boy: It's a dog... uh... a dog!
 * Girl: There's a talking dog at Porkbelly Middle School!
 * Hank Anchorman: Sources inside the school tell us that talking dog was seen driving a forklift! That's right. Everyone is asking "What twisted warped individual could have created such a canine freak?".
 * Mary: Hey! We're not twisted or warped.
 * Computer: Eliminating athlete's foot now.
 * [A football player screams.]
 * Susan: Okay, maybe warped but not twisted.
 * Hank: Experts say it's only a matter of time before reality TV show producers descend on the school.
 * Male Producer 1: Find that dog!
 * Female Producer: I want that dog!
 * Male Producer 2: I guarantee three seasons!
 * Boy: That dog!
 * [All the schoolkids run around the corridors. Johnny runs inside a classroom and warns everyone.]
 * Johnny: School is filled with Hollywood producers, and they're looking for people to make famous!
 * [Johnny ducks as the classroom kids excitedly run to the front entrance. He opens up a closet door and finds Dukey inside.]
 * Dukey: Johnny! Hey! How did you know I was here?
 * Johnny: [Uninterested] This is the only room in school with meat.
 * Dukey: I'm a bad dog. I tried to get rid of Repto-slicer so I can be your pet for pet day and someone heard me talking, and--
 * [The producers enter the room.]
 * Male Producer 2: Hey, have you seen the talking dog?
 * Female Producer: Where is he?
 * Male Producer 3: He's here. I can smell talent.
 * [Johnny pushes Dukey into a bath of acid in an attempt to hide his identity.]
 * Johnny: [Panicking] No dog here just scampi on mash, no dog on mash no dog potatoes dog.
 * [Dukey rises out of the acid. Johnny smiles nervously at him and pushes him down inside the acid.]
 * Female Producer: Go and find that dog.
 * [After the producer walk past the duo, Johnny pushes an out of breath Dukey back into the acid and puts a straw on top.]
 * Johnny: [Excitedly, to the producers] I saw the talking dog heading for the gym! They signed a contract for the Sports Network!
 * [All the producers head outside the room towards the gym. Johnny looks outside the entrance both ways. After a moment, he heads back inside and checks on Dukey.]
 * Dukey: You gotta get me out of here! I don't want to be the star of a reality show. I like being your pet, well, most of the time. Let me think about this for a second.
 * [Johnny grabs Dukey's arm...]
 * Johnny: [Angrily] Let's go!
 * [...and immediately pulls him off the acid. The duo peek through the edge of the locker and see two producers standing and watching the corridors, followed by another producer walking across a corridor, and then a whole group of producers blocking the exit door.]
 * Male Producer 4: We've got every exit covered. That talking dog is not getting out of here until he gets his own show and we make millions!
 * Dukey: We'll never make it!
 * [Johnny grips Dukey's mouth...]
 * Johnny: Sure we will.
 * [...and puts him inside his backpack. He walks towards the exit door, nervously talking to every producer he comes across.]
 * Johnny: Hey, guys. Love your work.
 * [Johnny then becomes alarmed and dramatic music plays as Dukey tears through his backpack and falls out, surrounded by producers. Dukey nervously laughs at everyone.]
 * Male Producer 3: Hmm...
 * Johnny: [Nervous] Whoa! That's weird! The backpack...
 * [He drops his torn backpack and pats Dukey on the head.]
 * Johnny: The stuffed animal... That file looks kind of real and... RUN!
 * [The duo run away while the producers chase them through the corridors. They make it into another room.]
 * Johnny: All right. This time, getting out.
 * Dukey: How?! I barely got away from those last two producers.
 * Johnny: Move. I have a sharp idea. [To the Repto-slicer] Go get 'em, Repto-slicer!
 * [Johnny opens the cage and lets Repto-slicer out. The producer stop and discover the cute critter.]
 * Male Producer 4: Hey, he'd be perfect for a cute little romantic disco I have in mind.
 * [It protrudes it spikes. As soon as the producers threaten it, it retracts it spikes, cries and hops back inside Johnny's cage.]
 * Johnny: Oh. These producers are tough.
 * Dukey: And I'm doomed!
 * [Dukey cowers in Johnny's arms. The producers run towards the talking dog, whom screams in fear.]
 * Johnny: No-one's taking my best friend!
 * [The chase continues. Johnny takes Dukey across the corridor towards a Lost and Found chute. Johnny throws him inside and follows him down the chute. They fall inside a laundry box.]
 * Dukey: I'm still your best friend.
 * [Johnny rises out of the top of the box.]
 * Johnny: Repto-slicer makes great salsa, but... you're my main pet. Then nothing's gonna split us up. [Miserably] I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
 * Dukey: Really? I'm sorry I got us into this mess. Any brilliant ideas of getting us out?
 * Johnny: [Pulls out a coat] Well, between the lost and found, so it's time for you to get lost and a talking dog to get the found!


 * Dukey: Hey there!
 * [Dukey is walking Johnny on a lead. Johnny is wearing a "dog" outfit, a coat, a glove to cover his nose and a pair of socks for his ears.]
 * Dukey: Are you reality show producers still looking for that talking dog?
 * [The producers get excited. Johnny stands up and begs.]
 * Johnny: [Muffled] Well, ruff, ruff! Here I am! Ruff, ra-ra, man I'm talking! Ruff, [Nervously] talking dog.
 * [The producers surround Johnny while Dukey crawls to the exit door. Johnny gives him a thumbs up. Dukey exits the school.]


 * Susan: Hey. We cured their athlete's foot.
 * Mary: Where's Johnny?
 * Johnny: Right here.
 * [Johnny is seen still wearing his "dog" outfit.]
 * Johnny: It wasn't talented enough for my own show. [Sits on the couch.] But the producers did sign someone to a big-time TV contract.
 * [He turns on the TV.]
 * Announcer: It's time for sharp conversation. Here's Repto-slicer!
 * Man: I must say it's great to be here, Repto-slicer.
 * [The Man tries to pet Repto-slicer. However, it protrudes its spikes and attacks the man, stripping him naked. Everyone laughs.]
 * Johnny: Now that's a hidden show!
 * [Johnny grins. The screen circles out on Johnny and goes black.]