All About You-Niverse

On behalf of all mankind, I'd just like to say thank you for recycling your old electronics. Or as we, uh, tech-world hipsters like to call it, "e-waste. " Hey, brainiac, you can't put "e" in front of everything and make it sound high-tech. Don't "e-sult" me. Thanks. Your recycled electronics will help us defend ourselves when the robots take over. Zeke, come on. Things would go a lot more smoothly if you'd stop bringing up the impending robot revolution to everyone! Well, it's coming sooner than you think, bro! They rebel, they evolve, they got a plan, man. We're in serious "e-trouble" here. I did it, Alex. I've finally done enough fundraisers to pay for my spot on the annual class trip to Europe. Oh, and you laughed when I did the clown car wash. It was a clown car wash. I thought I was supposed to laugh. Harper, I'm gonna pretend you're my daughter for a minute. I'm so proud of you, mija. I'm mija. Harper, you're gonna have so much fun in Europe. Really. Getting to go to Europe is what separates those who work hard from those who hardly work. Alex, I wish you were going with me. I've always dreamed of roaming the streets of Paris together, watching you think it's hilarious every time you order French fries. Yeah, that would be funny. Don't worry, Harper. I'm still gonna go to Europe. I just don't need some lame fundraiser to do it for me. Because I have this big thing that you can't see, because it's behind a bed sheet. Ta-da! A vending machine full of junk food? This bad boy is gonna do my fundraising for me. All I gotta do is set it up, sit back and watch the cash roll in. Where did you get the money to pay for that thing? Ah. See, that is the most ingenious part. I really want to go to Europe, so I took the entrepreneurial initiative and I took a startup grant from a local, family-owned business. You took money from our cash register? Well, if you want to use the ugly words, then yes. I like to say "borrowed. " But the machine costs less than the trip to Europe. So admit it, Mama, you're proud of me. - Proud to ground you. - Ah. More ugly words. Well, there is only one way that I can get out of this. And that is to hide from you people. I thought she'd never leave. Let's talk bad about her. She is so lazy. She's right OK. Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪ Yes, please ♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪ That's what I said ♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪ When you can have what you want by the simplest of means ♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪ Because everything is not ♪ What it seems ♪ Grounded for a month? What am I gonna do? I'm already so bored, I'm in a place with books. That vending machine was a great idea. I don't know why people couldn't agree with me. "Hold for Friday's lesson. Don't touch it, Alex. " Hm. I don't remember where this was hanging, so I don't know what not to touch. Am I right, Alex? Well, at least I know I can always count on you to agree with me. Whoo! Go Team Alex! Whoa. That was weird. Well, you know what I say. When it's weird, you gotta go into it. Hello? Huh. That's weird. Dad's chair is usually over there, now it's over here. Ugh! Either way, it's just as dirty. Alex! Alex, come on, your mom wants to see you. Oh, Harper. Thank goodness you're in here, too. OK, does everything seem backwards to you? - Just your shirt. - What? Oh, come on. Wow, this is so weird. The door is usually over there. And those dead flies are usually over there. Alex, is this your vending machine? Ugh Again? Are we in reruns here? I've seen this one. This is the part where you say I'm grounded. OK, if that's what you want me to say. But I was gonna say you're a genius! - Yeah, you are. - Yeah. You were? So you don't mind that I'm using this - to pay for my trip to Europe? - That is my sister, always coming up with the outside-the-box solutions. You know something? - You are brilliant. - I'm scared. She's right. This is scary! When the machines take over, this is gonna come back to bite us in the robot gas can. The machines aren't gonna take over. Wow! Man, don't worry. The robot revolution isn't real. - Alex just said so. - Wait, you're You're all agreeing with me. Why are you agreeing with me? This is It's a trap. Oh, it's not a trap. Unless you want it to be. Wait, hold on. Holding on. So you're all just going to agree with everything I say? Of course. When you stepped through that mirror, this universe became all about you. It's your own personal "All About You-niverse. " So it's like my own magic mirror. - Yeah. - Like in the fairy tales and stuff? Yeah! Mirror mirror, on the wall, who's the one about to fall? Hey, it was you, Justin. It was me! You were right. Like always. Right, now slap yourself silly. Oh! I feel silly. Even sillier. I love this place! Hey, boys. I found some junk for you. A football phone, a singing fish trophy and a toaster with a four-year-old bagel stuck in it. Mom, hold on here. This is an e-waste drive, all right, not se excuse to get rid of Dad's stuff while he's on his yearly trip to Jones Beach with his buddy Pony Boy and their metal detectors. And it's going great. We already got enough stuff to build a wise-cracking sidekick for our protector robot. - Yeah. - He's gonna say cool stuff like, "Hang on. It's about to get bumpy. " Uh-uh-uh-uh Ah! Yes! Uh! Hey, guys. Check it out. The class trip is gonna cover all the art centers in Europe. And when we're in Spain we get to have a siesta in the middle of the afternoon. Art and naps. Alex's two favorite things. And her family, of course. Who am I kidding? I don't have to lie to you people. It would be great for her, huh? Maybe I should just ground her up until the trip, and then let her go. Travel is good for everybody. And by that, I mean when Alex travels, it's good for the rest of us. You're right. I'm gonna have a little talk with her. She needs to step out into the world and learn that her behavior isn't acceptable anywhere. I'm starting to like this place. All of these backward words make it easier for me to just focus on the pictures. Gosh, look at all these hungry people with money. My vending machine is gonna make a fortune. I'll say it will. Everything in here looks so good. I can't decide what to get. Is there a button that says, "All of the above"? Look, you're holding up the line. Just get the batter-dipped pork rinds. - You love those. - I do love batteripped pork rinds. When you're right, you are right. It is scary how always right I am here. - What are you doing? - Agreeing. You said it was scary. - How's it going, Mirror Mom? - Wonderful. Everybody is eating food from your vending machine. I don't have to cook or bus tables or do anything. Welcome to my world. Check it out. Alex is so good to us ♪ I don't have to make a fuss ♪ Everyone is on the bus ♪ 'Cause Alex is a genius ♪ I approve of the message, so I'm gonna ignore the delivery. Come on, Mirror Harper, go. You see what happens when people agree with me? It works out perfectly for everyone. I should be queen of everything. I don't have to ask if you agree, because I know that you do. Alex! Alex? I want to talk to you about your class trip. Uh-oh. I can totally see why people are always mistaking me and Alex for sisters. Oh, Mom, we're not even dressed the same. I can't believe you bought this for one second. Alex! I have been looking everywhere for you. You get come out of there right now! Sounds like I'm in some trouble, so I think I'm gonna stay here for a while. Oh, no, you're not. She's not agreeing with you. What's wrong with that lady? Harper? What Alex Russo, you get out of there or I'm coming in after you. Quick, Mirror Harper, do something. I don't wanna go back. Well, then. She can't get me now. Ha! Nope! And even better, you can't get back there. What do you mean I can't get back there? The mirror is broken. You get to stay with us forever. You were so right to tell me to do that. Well, that went well. Now, I feel sick to my stomach. Well, you had a lot of chips, dear. We have got to find a way to get Alex out of this broken mirror. We're never gonna figure this out. I figured it out! I figured something out, too. Someone's a know-it-all. In order to fix the broken mirror, you just need to take the broken pieces and Whoo! Tape them back together. What?! So you fix a magic mirror the same way you fix a regular mirror. Magic is lame. This is great news. If we work together, we can g Alex back in no time. Uh-uh, guys. Safety first. Come on. Put on your safety gloves. For safety. I am ready to pick up some glass. Mom, if you're gonna do that in every piece, this is gonna take forever. Justin, I was not looking at myself. I was studying this piece of glass so that I'll know what the other ones are supposed to look like. It's a good piece. Mmm Mm Oh, my gosh, Zeke, what happened to you? I can't stop eating these batter-dipped pork rinds. I've had, like, 137 bags so far. I buy two at a time. One for now and one for when I'm waiting in line to buy another two bags. Mirror Zeke, stop eating those. They're terrible for you. - And you hate them. - You're right. I hate them! I liked them before when you said I liked them, but now that you mention it, - I hate them. - That doesn't make any sens. You're right. I don't make sense. No, I meant you should I should ugh? - How's that? - Pssht! Come on. Pssht! That was pretty good. I can do - Ugh! - Mirror Mom, Mirror Zeke is in desperate need of a diet soda. What in the weird? Where are all the tables and the chairs and the pile of dead flies? That stuff is all long gone. The Sub Station went out of business. - What?! How? - People liked your vending machine so much they stopped buying sandwiches from here. The new owners plan on opening a jazz Pilates studio. They hired me as the instructor. Jazz Pilates? Yeah, that sounds like the best idea ever. It is the best idea ever! - Let's celebrate with a set of Dixieland Spine Twists! - Alright! Alex, your plan worked out perfectly, just like you said. No, it didn't. It's called sarcasm. Look it up. Will do. Let me run upstairs and grab my dictionary. How's that? This did not turn out as well as I thought it would. I know what will make you feel better, Ragtime Knee Sways! - All right! - Ready, everybody? And a one, two, three and four. One, two, three and four. Mirror Mom, Mirror Justin is doing all kinds of weird stuff down there and Hello. Who are these people? They live with us now. Sincthe restaurant shut down, we've had to rent out the bedrooms for extra money. - You rented out my bedroom? - Yeah, but don't worry. You can still sleep there. You just have to share it with Gilly. You'll love her. Look. She's an artist, just like you! Aw, man! She's cutting up my magazine. Man, this is just great. It is great. You see? Everything works out fine when everyone just agrees with you. No, it doesn't. This was a terrible mistake. In the regular universe, this is the part where you would do something, Mom. I'll do something if you want me to do something. Remember, this is your "All About You-niverse. " - So do you want me to do something? - Yes. OK! Great! And Alex is always right Alex is always right ♪ When she's right she's right all day and night ♪ Yes, Alex is always right ♪ But I'm wrong this time. That's what I'm trying to tell you. But this time she's wrong And that's what she's trying to tell us ♪ I've got to get out of here. - And don't you sing about it. - OK, my lips are sealed. I promise. And no dancing! Well, that just about does it. But there's still a piece missing. If we don't find it, we'll never be able to get Alex back. - Oh, I'm sure it'll turn up. - That is so weird. It's very odd that one piece is gone. Hm! We have to get Alex back as soon as possible, don't we? Yes. Yes, we do. But there's a problem. I don't know where that piece is. There's no blame here, Justin. Plus, we've already counted Alex in the census, so we're all clear here. - Who's up for a movie? - I am. OK! I get it. Here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna turn off the lights, and if somebody happens to know where the missing piece is, they can just set it on the table and walk away, blame free. All right? OK. - It's so weird - The idea that you would You Russes are so predictable. - Why are you guys following me? - Come on, Alex. Feel the joy of jazz Pilates spreading through your core! It's right there! - Miles Davis Lunges! - Yeah! And a two! Cheer up, Alex No need to fear ♪ I can sing for 20 years ♪ You guys are so obnoxious and weird! She's right! We are so obnoxious and weird ♪ Everybody! We are so obnoxious and weird We are so obnoxious ♪ Could you possibly learn a new tune? Oh, my gosh. Look! It's my real family. - They fixed the mirror. - Alex! Get over here before your family changes their minds. Later, obnoxious weirdoes. Oh, no. It didn't work. You're still dressed for jazz Pilates. Jazz Pilates? I'm going to the gym. Although, jazz Pilates sounds interesting. Alex, honey, you're back! Yes, and the mirror is OK, too. I think that may have been the thing I wasn't supposed to touch. - We were so worried about you. - You were? Well, I was. Your mom's been trying on your clothes all day. Well, that was an interesting time. Now, once I get this upstairs and put it on my tape ball, - this will have been a very productive day. - Uh, not so fast. You are not going anywhere, let alone Europe. Listen, you are still grounded for taking money from the cash register to buy that vending machine. And you're extra grounded for sneaking out when you knew that you were grounded. And you are extra bonus grounded for sneaking out into a magical alternate universe. You're right, Mom. I'm sorry. That was a dumb idea. Well, that's be Wait a minute. What part of it was a dumb idea? - All of it. - Wow. That was easy. - What happened to you in there? - Ugh There was this mirror family, and Mirror Mom would not stop playing the You know, it's not really important what happened in there. I learned that sometimes it's good you don't agree with me. I may not always know what's right, but at least I'm surrounded by people who do. Mija. Don't worry. I will figure out a way to pay back all the money I took from the register. OK. Check your purses. I'll check my wallet. It's good to have you back, old friend. Aw, it's good to have you back, too, buddy. I'm gonna miss you when I go to Europe. Oh, hey, Harper. Wait Are you talking to me or the magazine? To you. Of course. Talk to the magazine. It's just weird!