The Cheeseman

Mr. Pickles: Season: 1 - Episode: 4

[incomplete & unfixed/messed]


 * Fisherman: Mmm. You look pretty. [Chuckles] don’t worry I’ll throw ya back once I’m done with ya. [Chuckles] Ooh! Another fish! Maybe we can have a menage a trout. [Reel cranks] Huh?
 * Mr. Pickles: [Panting]
 * Fisherman: Aah!
 * Tommy: Mr. Pickles!
 * [opening]
 * I’m so excited to go camping! I hope I can catch an animal and - bring it home.
 * Grandpa: Mr. Pickles is evil.
 * We shouldn’t be bringing him with us.
 * Beverly: Oh!
 * Grandpa: Hey!
 * Beverly: Dad! Be more careful with that thing.
 * Grandpa: Hmm.
 * [Ominous music plays] [Echoing] Cheeseman [Laughs maniacally]
 * Grandpa: Huh?
 * Stanley: Tommy, the secret to successful camping is to have a list of activities.
 * Number 1 set up a tent.
 * Ahhh.
 * Finally, a little peace and [Rock music blares] [Tires squeal] Whoa-ho-ho! I’m not a wifebeater, but I’d hit that! - Shut up, Brett! - Oh! Too many bugs! - Camping makes me horny.
 * - Whatever.
 * - I don’t belong here.
 * - Is someone gonna help me? - Come on! - Party! Don’t party too much.
 * You want to stay sharp in case - the cheeseman comes for ya.
 * - Come on.
 * - That’s just an urban legend.
 * Tommy: What’s a cheeseman? 20 years ago, a group of kids camped here.
 * - [Echoing] Cheeseman
 * - One of them really hated cheese.
 * Hey, this has cheese on it! I hate cheese!
 * Why do you hate cheese so much, cheeseman? [Laughter]
 * That’s not my name!
 * - Cheeseman!
 * Group: Cheeseman! Cheeseman! - They threw slices of American - cheese at him - Let’s throw American cheese at him.
 * knocking him into the fire.
 * No! The cheese melted into his skin.
 * He ran into the lake, never to be seen again.
 * - I hate cheese! - Some say he still lurks in these woods, taking revenge on campers.
 * So if you see a man with cheese for skin, it could be - The cheeseman!
 * Tommy: Aaaaaaaaah! - You guys are jerks.
 * Beverly: It’s just a story - kids use to scare each other.
 * Mr. Pickles: [Growls]
 * Man, what am I doing here? Everybody knows in these situations, the black guy always dies first! I’m gonna go into those creepy woods and think about ways to stay safe.
 * [Echoing] Cheeseman
 * Stanley: Okay, let’s find some firewood.
 * Oh! Some berries! One of the things on my list is - "find plants you can eat."
 * - Those berries are poison.
 * And I know something else you don’t know! [Cackles]
 * Grandpa: Huh?
 * Beverly: Where’d he go?
 * Stanley: Come on, Goodmans.
 * - Let’s - You don’t know the terrible thing I know! Only I know! [Cackles]
 * Grandpa: You know something about Mr. Pickles? Aah! Only I know the real truth! [Cackles]
 * Tommy: Come on, grandpa!
 * Grandpa: Uh, I’ll catch up.
 * - [Echoing] Cheeseman
 * - Who keeps saying "cheeseman"?
 * [Echoing] Cheeseman
 * Oh, no! It’s the cheeseman! [Rustling]
 * Tommy: Hi, mister!
 * - Damn!
 * Tommy: Have you seen any animals running around? You can’t be running around here looking like cheese!
 * Tommy: You’re funny.
 * [Giggles] - [Echoing] Cheeseman
 * - Who whispering? - Aah!
 * Tommy: Look! A frog!
 * Damn! You scared the shi aah! Aah!
 * Tommy: Come here, froggy!
 * - Watch it, you dickhole!
 * Stanley: This way, Tommy!
 * Tommy: Bye! Aah! Take me to the crapper! Now! Okay.
 * It’s over that way, past the tree with that pentagram carved into it.
 * I’ll be done in a minute.
 * Then you can help me wipe.
 * All right.
 * Well, I’ll be in that creepy barn over there.
 * Holler when you need me.
 * - [Echoing] Cheeseman - Hmm.
 * Look at all these weapons.
 * Seems like a safe place to take a nap.
 * [Snores] [Birds chirping]| [Humming] Aaaaaah! [Chainsaw roars]
 * Tommy: Dad, is this firewood?
 * Stanley: Looks like it was hit by lightning.
 * Remember, never stand next to a tree during a lightning storm.
 * The tree could fall on you.
 * Tommy: You sure know a lot about the outdoors! Stanley: Shh.
 * Quiet.
 * Look over here.
 * Beverly: Careful, honey.
 * She’s feeding.
 * Stanley: Ah, the circle of life.
 * - Ow! Oh! Oh! Oh! - Beverly: [Sighs] [Rumbling]|[Citizens screaming] Sir, space Nazis are trying to blow up Mars! Sounds like a job for astronaut dolphin detective.
 * But, sir, he was arrested for flashing those space kids.
 * Get him out.
 * [Squeals] - Man, this show blows my mind! - Great.
 * - Wanna have sex? - Yeah, bro.
 * [Both moaning] Ugh.
 * Stanley: Hey, look, everybody some fruit.
 * Beverly: That’s not fruit. It’s a spider-egg sac!
 * Stanley: They’re crawling into my eyes! - Oh! Possums! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
 * Beverly: [Sighs]
 * Tommy: Come here, kitty!
 * - [Echoing] Cheeseman
 * Tommy: Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
 * - Cheeseman!
 * Tommy: Whoa! Ah! Ha ha! He thought I was the cheeseman! What a chump! Yay! [Both laughing] [Snorts] Huh? - Oh!
 * Mr. Pickles: [Panting]
 * Tommy: There you are, boy.
 * Come on! - [Echoing] Cheeseman
 * Stanley: Oh! Ow!
 * Beverly: Now, this lavender will help with all your bites.
 * - It will reduce swelling.
 * - Stanley: Honey, really, I’m fine.
 * Let’s head back to camp.
 * Oh, uh Actually, let’s go another way.
 * [Scatting]| [Echoing] Cheeseman [Smooching] [Ducks quacking] Ew! Get out of here, you stupid ducks! [Echoing] Cheeseman [Smooches] Cheeseman! [Screams]| Gotcha! [Laughs] You scared me, Brett! [Giggles] Let’s make sex.
 * [Both moaning]
 * Grandpa: There you are! I’ve been looking for [grunting, cackling]
 * Grandpa: Ohh.
 * [Both moaning] Huh?! Oh! Aaaaaaaaah! - The cheeseman is real!
 * Grandpa: [Gasps] - Did you see that?! - Yes.
 * Grandpa: We have to go tell the sheriff! - Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh! - Grandpa: Huh? Okay, I’ll tell him.
 * [Grunts] Stanley: Huh.
 * This is totally different from the map.
 * Beverly: No, look.
 * We’re right here.
 * Stanley: Oh.
 * You, uh You passed the test.
 * Heh.
 * Hey, Tommy, check off "read a map correctly."
 * Tommy: But there isn’t a -
 * Stanley: Now, if you’ll just follow me ow! Gosh! - Oh, gosh!
 * Beverly: [Sighs] Astronaut dolphin detective has defeated the space Nazis, but now a stripper is giving birth to his baby.
 * [Squeaks] Oh, my God! - He just ate the baby! - He may be a bad father, but he’s the best detective we’ve got.
 * [Dance music plays] All anyone ever cares about is sex.
 * [Moans] - Talk dirty to me.
 * - Toilet bowls have 3.
 * 2 million - bacteria per square inch.
 * - Huh? Breaking news a severe thunderstorm is heading our way.
 * And last night, I had sex with this girl.
 * You are a slut.
 * The cheeseman killed Veronica! And I’m done.
 * Off to the showers.
 * No! The cheeseman [Moaning] - [Echoing] Cheeseman
 * Beverly: Here, honey.
 * This should take pressure off your leg.
 * Stanley: No, thanks, honey.
 * Come on, Tommy.
 * How ‘bout I show you how to cross a riverrrrrrrrr?! - See you back at camp! -
 * Beverly: [Sighs]
 * [Thunder crashes]
 * Tommy: A storm’s coming!
 * Beverly: Get under the tree!
 * Tommy: But dad said it was - dangerous during a lightning
 * Beverly: Your dad isn’t right about everything! [Thunder crashes] - Oh!
 * Tommy: See! Dad was right!
 * Beverly: [Sighs]
 * [Thunder crashes]
 * Grandpa: Sheriff! There’s been a murder at the campground, and this time, I have a witness! Tell him what you saw at the lake.
 * - I saw a naked girl.
 * Grandpa: What?! - Tell him the other thing! - I can’t tell anybody.
 * Go on.
 * Nobody keeps a secret from a sheriff.
 * Isn’t that right, Abigail? - That’s right, sheriff.
 * Grandpa: Tell him! Okay.
 * The truth is - I’m a virgin.
 * - Grandpa: What?! Now you know the truth! [Cackles] Grandpa: There’s been a murder! It was Mr. Pi- [Dial tone] Huh? Oh! Ohhhhhhhh! [Cackling] Tommy: [Grunting] I can’t lift it! I’ll take dad’s river shortcut - to get help back at camp.
 * - Beverly: It’s not a shortcut! - Tommy: Now, how do you swim?! - Beverly: [Sighs] - Huh?! - [Echoing] Cheeseman - Oh, and hi.
 * - Beverly: Cheeseman! - Tommy: Mom! Help! - I’ll get you out! Beverly: No! [Grunts] - Let go of my son, you murderer! - I was trying to save him! Don’t believe everything you he-e-e-e-e-e-e-ar! Beverly: Just give me your hand! Tommy: Okay.
 * Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Beverly: [Sighs] [Ominous music continues] [Echoing] Mr. Pickles.
 * Hmm.
 * This looks like the perfect situation for observation.
 * Hey! What are you doing?! Come on.
 * I’m just looking for a little peace of ass.
 * [Chuckles] Oh! What the oh, no! Back hair! Can’t back out now.
 * You’re doin’ this.
 * What are you doing, man?! Stop it! Aah! Oh, my go aah! The cheeseman is rea ugh! - [Echoing] Mr. Pickles.
 * - Aah! He’s here! Aaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Oh! The secret’s out! [Cackles] - Huh?! - Where is everybody? - The cheeseman was just here! - We should split up, then! No! Hey! - Wait you can walk? - Yeah.
 * I’m just really lazy.
 * Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
 * Mr. Pickles: [Panting]
 * - Aah! My head hurts! [Dramatic music plays]|No! N-o-o-o-o-o-o! Ugh! Owwwwwwww! [Thunder crashes] [Echoing] Mr. Pickles.
 * [Moaning] [Cackling] Huh?! It’s the cheeseman!
 * Stanley: [Groaning]| Di-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-e!
 * Stanley: Hey! No! No, no, no!
 * Stop right there, cheeseman!
 * Wha I’m not the cheeseman! - Ohhhh.
 * Grandpa: It was Mr. Pickles! - I have a witness!
 * Mr. Pickles: [Barking]
 * [All gasp]| Good boy, Mr. Pickles.
 * Grandpa: Oh, come on!
 * Beverly: [Grunts]
 * Tommy: Hey, dad! Look what I caught! - Stanley: Well, that’s ooh.
 * Tommy: This is the cheeseman.
 * - Hey. How’s it going?
 * Tommy: Can I keep him?
 * Stanley: I’ll kill you! Ohhhhh! Stanley: Got it! Little mosquito on your shoulder, dear.
 * Beverly: What would I do without you, honey? Sorry, folks.
 * Campground’s closed.
 * [Crickets chirping] Well, well.
 * The black guy doesn’t die.
 * Wait! These are poisonous! You can’t get me like that.
 * Aah! [Munches, groans] [Gasps] [Thunder crashes] Aah! Ha ha! I’m-a live forever! Let’s throw american cheese at him! Oh, no! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! This is some bullsh [Folksy music plays] Stanley: Only one more thing on our list "see a shooting star." You know, I just want to thank you people for accepting me for who I am.
 * It gets so lonely in the woods.
 * What a nightmare, you know? [Chuckles]| Beverly: Dinner’s ready.
 * Hey, you dumb bitch! I hate cheese! - Beverly: Oh, my! - Stanley: Uh Well, uh You know what? I had a nice time today.
 * - How ‘bout you, Tommy? - Tommy: I caught a cheeseman and a fish.
 * Hey? Where is my fish? Where’s the cheeseman?
 * [Ominous music plays]
 * [Moaning] Oh! Oh, yeah! Oh, you naughty, little fish! Huh?
 * Mr. Pickles: [Panting]