Meat Your Maker

(Episode begins with Benson, Pops, and Skips in the kitchen of the house.)

Benson: Everyone ready for the barbecue? How's everything coming, Pops?

Pops: I've been making pies all morning! (laughs and brings out the pies)

Benson: Skips?

Skips: I made Chilli.

Benson: Well I have a little surprise. I was getting excited for the annual barbecue so in addition for putting on this shirt (he is wearing a red shirt that had white flowers on it) I splurged on some Super Extra Premium Grade A Hot Dogs.

Pops: Oh, it's been a while since I had a grilled meat link.

Skips: So where'd you get them?

Benson: I got them online. I spared no expense, I even paid extra for overnight shipping.

Skips: So where are they? Let's throw those babies on the grill.

Benson: I gave them to Rigby.

Skips: Huh?

Pops: Oh, are Mordecai and Rigby grilling already?

Benson: No, no, I just told them to bring them outside. I definitely told them NOT to grill the hot dogs.

(At the picnic area, Mordecai and Rigby are standing around, with Rigby holding the hot dogs.)

Mordecai: Are you sure Benson said we could grill the hot dogs?

Rigby : Benson totally said we could grill the hot dogs.

Mordecai: Sweet!

Rigby: Let's get grilling.

Mordecai: Chillin' and Grillin'!

Mordecai and Rigby: Yeah-yuh!

Mordecai: Whoa, Benson spared no expense! Real ingredients? Dude, these are like luxury hot dogs. (He puts them on the grill) Dude, this thing won't light.

Rigby: I know how to get that baby going. (Takes lighter fluid) Out of my way.

(He puts the lighter fluid on the hot dogs, and starts the grill, continuing to put it on the hot dogs.)

Mordecai: Okay, dude, I think that's good.

Rigby: What?

(The hot dogs catch fire)

Rigby: I got it!

(He takes the tablecloth and puts it on the fire, yet it makes it worse)

(Mordecai screams)

(Mordecai and Rigby take the grill and as fast as they can and Mordecai drops the grill in the water and the burned hotdogs float away.)

Rigby: Aw, man. I guess that's why Benson told me NOT to grill.

Mordecai: WHAT?!

(Mordecai drags the grill back to the picnic area, with the grill dripping wet.)

Rigby: I said I was sorry. Come on, man.

Mordecai: No! No more "Come on, man"s! Benson's gonna totally blame me and it's all your fault! I'm sick of you always getting me into trouble!

Rigby: I just wanted to grill time with my bro. Chillin' and Grillin'.

(Mordecai puts his arms up)

Rigby: No. No, don't.

Mordecai: It's too late. [begins to move his arms together]

Rigby: Come on, dude. Don't!

Mordecai: It's already in motion.

Rigby: Well, put it out of motion!

Mordecai: [crosses arms] You pissed me off.

Rigby: Augh! Dude, no. Look at me! (punches Mordecai) Look at me! (punches him again) Augh! If I fix it, will you stop being mad at me?

Mordecai: Maybe.

Rigby: Fine, I'll fix it. I'll just go get some more hot dogs from the meat locker down in the basement. Benson will never know, okaaaaaaaaay?

Mordecai: Fine. You'd better fix it, though.

(Mordecai and Rigby go down to the meat locker as Rigby opens the doors.)

Mordecai: Augh, I hate going down in the meat locker.

(They both go to meat locker and Mordecai holds the door. Rigby is looking for the hot dogs.)

Rigby: Don't worry, it'll be super quick, man! I'll get the hot dogs, you hold the door.

Mordecai: Fine.

Rigby: Meat, meat, meat, meat.

Mordecai: Hurry up, dude! It's freezing.

Rigby: I can't find them.

Mordecai: Argh! I knew you couldn't fix it!

Rigby: Wait! I think they're on top, but I can't reach.

Mordecai: I'll grab 'em. Come hold the door.

(Rigby goes to hold the door while Mordecai looks for the hotdogs.)

Mordecai: I don't see them.

(Rigby approaches Mordecai.)

Rigby: Did you check over there?

Mordecai: Yeah I already... DUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THE DOOR!

Rigby: Oh my gosh! I totally propped it open with some bags of ice! Check it.

(The ice bags fall and the door slams shut. Mordecai gets mad and is about to cross his arms.)

Rigby: Wait! Wait! I can fix it, there's a safety latch!

(Rigby goes to it and begins pulling it.)

Mordecai: Dude, don't force it!

(The latch breaks and Mordecai and Rigby are banging on the door for help.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Benson! Skips! Help! Pops! HELP!!!!!

(Skips, Benson and Pops hang out in the kitchen. Benson and Pops encourage Skips to drink as much Soda as he can.)

Benson and Pops: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Yeeeeeeeeaaaaahwoooooooo! (Pops cackles)

(Back to the meat locker.)

Mordecai: Arghhhh!!! You did it to me again, man!

Rigby: Don’t worry! I’ll get us out of this!

(Rigby tries to break the meat locker door window with a big veal leg 10 times.)

Mordecai: Just give it up, dude. I knew you couldn’t fix it.

Rigby: Dude, I fix stuff all the time!

Mordecai: No, you don’t.

Rigby: What do you mean?!

Mordecai: The cart, the shoes, the party! That other party.

Rigby: Stop right there! You know Muscle Man pushed me!

Mordecai: Muscle Man wasn’t even there!

Rigby: Fine, I’ll fix it!

Mordecai: You mean, like when you fixed the grill? Or when you fixed the hot dogs by burning them. Or... Oh, no, wait, I know. You mean, like you brought us down and locked us in the freezer to find more hot dogs? Oh, but --- surprise, surprise --- there are no hot dogs!

Rigby: But I can...

Mordecai: No! Don’t even say it! Just shut up so I can find a way out of here before we freeze to death. (chills breath)

Rigby: Mordecai, I found the thermostat! I can totally fix it!

Mordecai: (with blocked nose) Oh, no. (looks behinds) WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DRUMSTICK??!!

(Rigby hits a duct with a frozen drumstick, causing the temperature to drop severely. Rigby hops out of the way and Mordecai takes the freezing cold while groaning with anger)

Rigby: Mordecai, I’m sorry! Let me try and fix it!

Mordecai: ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!! I’m sick of you saying that! You can’t fix this, okay? All you do is mess things up and ruin people’s lives!

Rigby: (distressfully) Sorry... I just wanted to help...

Mordecai: Stop pretending like you do anything but get me in trouble! You can’t fix anything! And now I’m gonna d-d-die because of you.

(Mordecai puts his arms up)

Rigby: No! (Mordecai crosses them) Dude, don’t be mad at me! Mordecai, DON’T DIE MAD AT ME!

(Mordecai turns away)

Mordecai: Too.. late...

(Modecai falls to the floor unconscious. Rigby kneels down and touches Mordecai's face.)

Rigby: Mordecai? Mordecai? (Stops touching Mordecai's face) Oh, no! Oh, no! I can fix this! I can fix this! (Walks away and puts Mordecai's legs on his shoulders and drags Mordecai away.) Don’t worry, Mordecai! I’m gonna take care of us. You’ll see. (Montage goes to Rigby looking for the hot dogs in tall boxes. He doesn't find them and picks up Mordecai's ankles and walks off. Next scene goes to Rigby carrying Mordecai by his neck, and then we see Mordecai's body being pushed off by Rigby. Next scene shows Rigby looking tired and weak, and holding Mordecai by his chest.) How am I doing? Ah, Mordecai? Am I doing all right? (Rigby gently moves Mordecai's head like a puppet and pretends that Mordecai is speaking.) “Yeah, Rigby, you’re doing good!” (Drops Mordecai's body and stumbles on a box with hot dogs.) Hot dogs! I’ve been looking all over for you!

Hot dog: Please, frozen stranger! Can you free us?

Rigby: Yeah, I can free you. But you gonna have to do something for me. Here’s what you gotta do...

(Mordecai is still unconscious, and he dreams about Margaret and him on a island. She is wearing a seashell bikini top and a grass skirt)

Margaret: Hey, Mordecai!

(Mordecai has a muscular body)

Mordecai: Margaret! You look stunning!

Margaret: Spin with me!

Mordecai and Margaret: Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Margaret: Oh, Mordecai!

Mordecai: Oh, Margaret!

(A giant Rigby rises up from the sand.)

Rigby: Mordecai! (In a deep manly voice) I’M GONNA FIX IT!

(Mordecai wakes up.)

Mordecai: (groaning) Rigby?

(Mordecai sees the leader hotdog shaking hands with Rigby.)

Rigby: Oh, hey, you’re awake! (goes to Mordecai and helps him sit up by putting his hands on his shoulders) Mordecai, Mordecai, I told you I can fix it! (The hotdogs are by Mordecai's legs) While you were dead, I found those talking hot dogs and they gonna help us.

Mordecai: (Weakly) What?

Rigby: They said they know the way out!

Hot dog: It’s true. We can guide you out of the meat locker. But only if you will agree to take us to a barbecue where we can be eaten!

Mordecai: What?! You WANT to be eaten?

Hot dog: Yes! It is our destiny to be eaten!

Mordecai: Dude, this is weird. Benson’s gonna know these are not the hot dogs he bought. Look at them!

Rigby: No! He won’t know! Just trust me! I promise, it’ll work out!

Hot dog: Do we have a deal?

(Rigby shakes hot dog’s hand.)

Hot dog: It’s a deal!

(All hot dogs cheer. A portable cooler appears from the floor. Its cover opens and Rigby peeps in there.)

Rigby: Dude, this is the way out!

(The same cooler appears at the barbecue place.)

Rigby: Dude, they are not here yet! We still have time!

(Rigby, Mordecai and hot dogs come out from the cooler.)

Benson: Man, I can’t wait for those hot dogs!

Mordecai: Here they come. This'd better work.

Rigby: It’ll work! Just relax!

Benson: Hey, hey!

Rigby: Hey, Benson, I’ve got the hot dogs right here. I didn’t grill ‘em, just like you said.

Benson: Oh, boy, this is gonna be the best barbecue ever!

Hot dog: (Jumps up) NOW!

Mordecai: What the...

Benson: What the heck are those...

(Hot dogs attack everyone.)

Rigby: This wasn’t a part of a deal!

(Hot dogs force Benson, Pops, Skips and Mordecai into a plastic bag with red oil.)

Rigby: Wait!

Hot dog: Ha-ha-ha! You fell for our trap! Brilliantly! We don’t want to be eaten, we want to eat YOU!

Rigby: But what about the prophecy?

Hot dog: There is no prophecy! This is simply revenge! For all our fallen brother and sister hot dogs massacred by the hand of your barbecue! And now, you’ll join your friends awaiting a similar fate!

(Mordecai, Benson, Skips, and Pops are trapped in a giant plastic bag of steaming hot red oil.)

Benson: Help, Rigby!

Pops: Bad show.

Skips: Help!

Mordecai: Help!

Rigby: No! What are you doing to them?

Hot dog: Marinating them, of course! Bag the last one!

(Rigby tries to escape by throwing barbecue stuff at the hot dogs.)

Rigby: Stand back, man! Stand back!

(Rigby runs out of stuff to protect himself with. But when he accidently squirts mustard at the hot dogs, they surprisingly start to eat each other.)

Hot dogs: Awhhh! This stuff’s delicious!

(Rigby realizes what to do. He squirts mustard at every hot dog. Hot dogs slay each other. Benson, Pops, Skips, and Mordecai manage to get out of the bag.)

Benson: What the heck was that? What did you do?!

Mordecai: Yeah, Rigby. What did you do?

Rigby: Ah, I... Ahhhh.... Oh! (He notices an empty plastic package of Super Extra Premium Hot Dogs.)

Rigby: Don’t look at me! Benson’s the one who went and bought the crazy Super Premium psycho Hot Dogs!

Skips: Oh, yeah! He’s right!

Pops: I indeed remember now.

(Rigby winks at Mordecai)

Mordecai: Yeah, he’s right!

Rigby: Yeah, this wouldn't've happened if you'd just bought regular hot dogs!

Skips: That’s for sure!

Pops: That is true!

Benson: No, but... I don’t know what happened...

Rigby: Well, I guess the barbecue is ruined now thanks to Benson!

Pops: No!

Skips: What?

Benson: No, no, no, no! I can fix it! (Gives Rigby $20.) Quick! Go and buy some hot dogs from the store and make sure they’re regular! I’m sorry, guys! Minor setback.

Skips: I hope the overnight shipping was worth it!

Mordecai: Dude, that was awesome!

Rigby: I told you I’d fix it!

Mordecai: I knew that you would.

[Episode ends]