Miles From Home

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (HELICOPTER WHIRRING) (YELLING) (STAMMERING) Okay. Oh Hey, hey, hey! (GRUNTING) Spider-Man! SPIDER-MAN: Who else would it be? Unless you know some other superhero who spins webs and sticks to walls, and is late for a very important date. (SPIDEY SENSE TINGLES) Not good. (ROARING) (GRUNTS AND YELLS) Yeah, that will not be my profile pic. Miles Morales here. You know, Spider-Man. And it's moments like this I wonder if I'm really qualified to follow in Peter Parker's footsteps. Or websteps. Are "Websteps" a thing? (YELLING) Hey! Personal space. (GROANS) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) I destroyed one Spider-Man already. Time for another. So greedy. Think of all the other super-villains that want me dead. (GRUNTS) I'm glad Peter's no longer around to see this. Hello? Where'd you go, Mr. Goblin? Why can't all my battles end like this? Nice. Just found my new profile pic. Peter Parker here, your friendly neighborhood amateur sleuth tracking Doc Ock. And I deduce he might have something to do with that. Doc Ock with Baron Mordo? Otto, you have the most bizarre friends. From the dark book of Vashti, I cast the passenger spell of Varnae! (CASTING SPELL) La, ia perilous fathgen SPIDER-MAN: Baron Mordo. This guy's a wannabe Dr. Strange, except totally evil, works for Hydra, and isn't even a doctor. What's he the baron of, anyway? Crazytown? You imbecilic spider, you have no idea what you've stumbled into. Is it a rave? Oh, and here I forgot my glow sticks. The siege perilous is no mere party accoutrement. (GROWLS) The siege perilous? That device that opens portals to the other dimensions? I'm gonna guess this isn't good. Huh? (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) I hate being right! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAM) (GRUNTING) Oh, I'd know the pain from that fireball anywhere. 'Course. That Goblin. You're not my Spider-Man. What have you done? You're blaming me? Did you not see the guy with robes and spells and a "questionable beard"? No. (GRUNTS) This is what I get for helping? (GRUNTS) (YELLING) Okay, so I guess we're not gonna be friends. Hope I don't hit that wall. (GRUNTS AND GROANS) Don't remember the weatherman forecasting cracks in the sky tonight. By the Eye of Agamotto, you were right, Octavius. This goblin is truly a sight to behold. You brought me from my world. Why? In all the dimensions, you are the only goblin who successfully destroyed a Spider-Man. Hydra summoned you here to obliterate another one. Why are they always talking behind my back? Haters gonna hate! (BOTH GRUNT) Sorry to break up the job interview. (GRUNTS) Super-sticky webs. He'll be trying to get that off for weeks. (ROARS) Or milliseconds. How did I forget how strong you are? (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) Hunting spiders, my favorite pastime. (GRUNTS) Never thought I'd say this, but you're making me miss my own goblin. (CREAKING) (YELLS) (GRUNTS) Yes. Destroy him. (YELLING) (GRUNTS) Whoa! What's with you and all the throwing? Oh, where is there a wall when you need one? Or a mystical energy sphere. That'll work too. Hey, I'm not picky. There was a disruption on the web of realities. I wish I could say I'm surprised to find you at the center of it, Spider-Man. Dr. Strange. Why does everyone blame me for this? What kind of reputation do I have in this town? Ock and Mordo must've been missing their own Goblin, so they brought a new one from another reality. His presence has disrupted the balance of our world! - (DR. STRANGE GRUNTS) - Doc! (YELLING) (GRUNTS) (YELLING) (GRUNTS AND SIGHS) I love to see a spider squirm. Strike one! (GRUNTING) Strike two! Three! And I'm outta here! Okay, Spidey. When have you not risen to the occasion? This is a bigger and badder goblin than my old one. But I can be a bigger and badder (DR. OCTOPUS GRUNTS) (GROANS) What was I saying again? You may have stumbled your way to victory before. "Stumbled?" Well, now you know my secret strategy. But that all ends to (YELLS) Quickly, we have to get the goblin back to his world before the damage to ours is critical. Stephen. Here for my moment of glory. Book of Thoth (CASTING SPELL) Admonit edium! (YELLS) You could do so much with your skill, Karl, yet you work for archfiends. The lesser Book of Vashanti (CASTING SPELL) Extranous epilorum! (GRUNTS) I told you never to call me Karl! (CASTING SPELL) Intrambi coaxium! Lorus thweem! Sorry to interrupt your spell-ing bee. (CHUCKLES) Get it? But Yoink! Aah! No! Strange cannot handle the power of the siege perilous! Aah! (GRUNTING) (GROANS) Really? I think I'm gonna trust a doctor's opinion over some baron's. DR. STRANGE: I can only hold the portal open for a limited time before the damage is irreversible. Don't worry. I've got a plan. - Hey, ugly! - Huh? (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) Name-calling? That is your plan? He totally looked. Try to catch me, you second-rate Osborn! (GOBLIN ROARING) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) Man, this is easier than dodgeball in gym class, with kindergartners. The last laugh will be mine! Nope. Mine. (FAKE LAUGH) See what I did there? (BOTH GRUNTING) (SPIDER-MAN GRUNTS) (YELLING) No! I'm not leaving yet. Not when there's a Spider-Man left. Reality's on the edge of shattering. (GRUNTS) By the flaming tower of Radomaski! Goblin's throwing off the balance because I'm not the Spider-Man who counterbalances him. Can you hold that portal open a little longer? I shall try. I just hope Miles isn't hard to find. - Miles? - The Spider-Man from this goblin's world. I have another plan. I do hope it is superior to calling him ugly. Make haste! (GROWLING) (GRUNTING) You cannot hold this forever, Stephen Strange. (GROANING) Hurry, Spider-Man. (GRUNTS) Well, here goes nothing! (SCREAMING) Of course the portal isn't on the ground, because that would be too easy. Okay, gotta find one teenager in the middle of New York before the portal collapses and strands me in an alternate dimension. So, no pressure. Hello! This world's Spider-Man. - Hey! - Anyone seen him? MILES: Balancing a cake while webbing through the city? (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) No pressure. Ay! Miles, you startled me. I'm still not used to you having these powers. Sorry, Mom. Hey, there might be something in this box you'd be interested in. Tres leches! My favorite. The best mom in the world deserves the best cake in the world. - Happy birthday. - I saw you on the news today. That goblin. He looks so dangerous. You know I have to do this. It's kind of my responsibility. Hmm. Your dad used to say the same thing. He always helped everyone else before helping himself. I know. Which is exactly why you're going to let me finish vacuuming. (LAUGHS) - I'm almost done. - It's your birthday. Help yourself to some cake. (GASPS) Is it really you, the one from another dimension? Unless you were expecting the Spyder-Knight. How did you find me? I used this ancient technology called the phone book. Couldn't believe it. Everyone's in that thing. It still freaks me out seeing you alive. So you beat the goblin of your world? I knew you would. I couldn't have without your help, which is why I'm here. Your goblin's in my universe, kind of tearing up reality, as we know it. So that's where he disappeared to. Dr. Strange can't keep the portal open long. - We gotta go. - Right now? It's my mom's birthday, and whoa! (ELECTRIC CRACKLE) Did I not emphasize the "Tearing up reality" part enough? Miles, Spider-Man, please, I need your help. I can't do it without you. MILES: If you really need help, I'm your guy. But I'm coming right back. Not gonna miss my mom's birthday. Two spider-men to take down one goblin? How long could that take? Hurry! Strange must be losing control! (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) (GROANS) PETER: No! Dr. Strange! (GROWLS) PETER: Now let's see you try to stop two spider (SCREAMING) Men! (BOTH YELLING) BARON MORDO: Yes! - Well done, my goblin. - I am not your goblin! I take orders from no one. A monster after my own heart. Nonsense! This beast's will cannot oppose that of its new master, Hydra. (GASPS) - I have no master! - Blasted ignoramus! You shall be subjugated to the will of Baron Mordo, ruler of the mystic! (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (GROWLS) MILES: Should we, uh, let these guys sort this out amongst themselves? I wish. The siege perilous could destroy the world in any of their hands. It's the only way to send you and the goblin back to your world. DR. STRANGE: (WEARILY) You were right, Spider-Man. Miles has balanced our reality For now. Dr. Strange, that was a pretty hard goblin hit. Trust me, I know. I will be fine. Once my chakras realign. Chakras. Right. (ROARS) (YELLS) Ah! (GRUNTS) Yes! My time has come! (GRUNTS) (PETER GRUNTS) What time is that? Loser o'clock? You cannot handle that power, imbecile! Maybe you're right. You wanna try, Miles? (GRUNTING) Yet another spider? Wow! Your world's Doc Ock is way old. What are you, 30? (GRUNTS) An age you will not reach. (YELLS) (GRUNTS) What's this? (SCOFFS) BOTH: I'm gonna guess that's not good. Blunt force from the siege perilous is puncturing holes in our reality. Yep. Not good at all. Bashing reality itself? I've always wanted to destroy an entire universe. (GRUNTING) (ALL SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTS) I hate to say it, but I think you might be late to your mom's birthday party. (GRUNTS) FYI, I didn't bring you here just to watch our reality shatter into oblivion. Good, 'cause if you did, that would just be mean. Oh! (YELLS) Not only do I get to destroy another Spider-Man, I get to destroy his entire world! But it's my world as well, you imbecile. Aah! Goblin, you are smarter than this. I wanted a weapon, not a destroyer of worlds. (YELLS) What you want means nothing to me. Aah! (GROANS) Aah! Yield the siege perilous, demon. (CASTING SPELL) Idiculoom cartartus! (EVIL LAUGHTER) Never! (GRUNTING) Uh, he was pretty strong before he became invincible. The goblin cannot be harmed while holding it, but the siege perilous can be destroyed with an energy surge. Then let me introduce it to my arachno-blast. No. If we destroy it, you'll be trapped here. We'll beat him the way we did before. Time for a Spider-Man team-up. (MANIACAL LAUGHTER) Argh! (BELLOWS) (GROWLS) PETER: Hey, ugly! (CHUCKLES) You fell for it again. Can't believe it. (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) Whoa! Aah! (GROANS) (GRUNTS) Ah. - MILES: Hey, ugly! - Huh? He was right. That totally worked. (GRUNTS) (YELLS) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) Beast, I, Baron Mordo, am a fifth-level acolyte of the Demonata Maxiumus and hold the seal of Illium. I command you to cease this attack! (YELLS) (GRUNTS AND GROANS) What have you done? My (SCREAMING) No! (YELLS) (GRUNTING) - Time to be destroyed again. - Not while I'm here! (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) No! You'll be trapped in our world! (GRUNTS) Being a hero means putting others first. I learned that from watching my dad and you. (GRUNTS) Whoa! Portals to other dimensions. Spyder-Knight! And is that a robo-spider? Hey, I know that guy. (GRUNTING) Mom? (CONTINUES GRUNTING) (GOBLIN YELLING) (SCREAMING) (GRUNTS) Can't let you save our universe only to splat on the pavement. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Huh? (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) Huh? (YELLS) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) Miles, you sacrificed everything. Well, that is what a Spider-Man does, right? Hurry. He could have enough residual dimensional energy for me to open a gateway and get him back home. The cross-world winds of Wantoon! Miles! - Mom! - DR. STRANGE: I cannot bridge our worlds. This is but a window. (GRUNTS) One that I cannot hold. - Where are you? - Mom, I'm sorry, but someone was in danger. So it was your responsibility to help. I don't know how yet, but I'm gonna find a way back to you. I know you will. I love you, Miles. (THUDS) Running away like a wounded animal? Of course not, you neanderthal. Unlike the mindless Hydra, I am intelligent enough to know when to retreat. But make no mistake, today's loss is on you. You wanted to control me. I cannot be controlled. Nor I. It is Hydra who wanted to be your master. Otto Octavius only needs an ally. One who despises Spider-Man as much as I. An ally. PETER: Welcome to the Triskelion, your new home until we find a way to get you back to your old one. Giving you the most awesome place in the world to live is the least I can do. (GRUNTING) - And it's all shiny and newly rebuilt. - Rebuilt? Well, Ock's army of goblins kind of captured everyone and zapped them with a mind ray and blew it up. Wait. What? Don't worry about it. Come on. I'll introduce you to the team. No, no. Go back to the "Blew it up" part. (GRUNTS) Meet the rest of the Web Warriors. (GRUNTING) Iron Spider. Agent Venom. (GRUNTS) And Scarlet Spider. Another stray? Where'd you dig this one up? Yeah, says the guy Spidey found in the sewer. I hate you. - Look, everyone, I want you to meet - Spider-Man. That's Spider-Man? We're actually both Spider-Man. You can't both be Spider-Man. Okay, let's be fair and square. I'll be Spider-Man. - I called it. - SCARLET SPIDER: Called it! (CHUCKLES) What are you, 13? - Maybe. - What are you, 150? Look, his name's Miles, and he's the Spider-Man from another dimension, - and he's kind of trapped here. - Temporarily. (CHUCKLES) Well, then, welcome to the team, Spider-Man. Wait. What? No. I'm Spider-Man. I've been Spider-Man for, like, ever. He called it, dude, fair and square. It's indisputable. No, it's very disputable. This place might not be so bad after all. Glad you like it. But I'm still Spider-Man.