The Best

Pointed Criticism



 * So, how are you doing today?




 * "Good, thanks." Uh! Gumball, you need to make eye contact with people. It's how you show them you care about what they have to say.


 * Ugh! Fine.


 * Thank you.




 * Better?




 * Ugh, what?


 * What are you eating, anyway?


 * Pff. I dunno, food?




 * That really doesn't look like a very balanced diet. What about your greens?


 * All the animals on this plate were vegetarian.


 * You really shouldn't be eating that. Too much greasy food is very bad for your digestive system.


 * There.


 * That was really wasteful.


 * Fine! Happy now?!


 * No! Now it's been in the trash. It's way worse for you than it was in the first place!


 * What do you want from me?!


 * Please don't talk with your mouth full. You increase the risk of choking by seventy-five percent.


 * Stop telling me what to d--




 * Careful how you hold your pen. That's how you get cramp.



Wrong-Shaming



 * Miss Simian's just trying to do her job. Teachers have feelings too, you know?


 * Simian doesn't have feelings.


 * Now that's not true. I have bitterness, I have fury, and my personal favorite... schadenfreude.


 * Schadenfreude? What's that?


 * The pleasure I'll get from watching you clean the wall, with this.




 * I'm tellin' ya, dude. Carmen's more smug than Anais when she does her wiener-dog face.


 * Her what now?


 * You know, when she uses a clever word and her face is all like, "Mm-hmm."




 * Shh! This is a library. People are trying to work. If you work in silence, your success will make the noise.


 * What? You're making noise by telling me off!


 * The only time you're allowed to make noise in the library is when you tell someone else not to make noise in the library. So I will permit what you just said, but nothing else.




 * By the way, you shouldn't slouch in your chair. It's stunting your growth.


 * See what I mean?!


 * I think she's got a point.




 * Anyways, she's just tryin' to help you be a better person.


 * Exactly, she's raising the bar! Which is totally unfair for someone like me, who liked the bar exactly where it was.


 * It's only constructive criticism.


 * She wouldn't go around body-shaming people, or mocking people for being old. So why is it okay to go after me because I'm wrong?! She's wrong-shaming me!


 * Uh, uh... Actually, it totally sounds like a legit cause when you add the word "shaming" at the end.


 * I'm gonna give her a taste of her own medicine. Three smug-jections per day, two doses of patron-icillin, and one courtesy colonic.

Social Experiments



 * Oh, uh, please sir, you can have my seat.


 * Aha!




 * Busted!


 * What?


 * Don't you think it's pretty ageist to offer Marvin your seat? Surely the fact he's so old means he's had way more experience standing up than everyone else.


 * I got steel plates in my legs.


 * See? He's got legs of steel.


 * Aah! Aah! Aah!


 * I'm not sure that's what he meant.


 * Oh, so what gives you the right to decide-- Oh.


 * Aah! Aah! Ohh!




 * Okay, so heating the copper should oxidize the--


 * You know what your problem is, Carmen? You're not even doing an experiment. You're just following orders. Where's the innovation? How can we be expected to discover new elements, if you're so concerned with "playing by the rules?"


 * Uhh, I'm pretty sure there are no more elements left to be discovered, Gumball.


 * You're forgetting the element of surprise.




 * Wait, what did you put in your beaker?


 * A dash of the unexpected, a drop of the unforeseen, and a pinch of the unpredictable.


 * Gumball! I take back everything I said. You're a genius!


 * Thank you, giant melted poodle-meatball thing.




 * You're right, my disgusting friend. This warrants a celebratory boogie. Do, do-do, dooga-dooga-dooga, do, do-do.



War of Words



 * Uhh, what's going on here?


 * Uh, he asked me to plug him into Ramblr.


 * Ramblr? What is that, a website?


 * It's more like a bare-knuckle fight to see who's the most tolerant person on the internet.


 * Why? Isn't tolerance about being philanthropic? Hm-hmm.




 * What?


 * Just thinking about wiener-dogs. But yeah, no, tolerance on the internet these days is more about destroying people in an argument.




 * I know tongue-fu.


 * Show me.




 * Have you ever tried whole-grain bread? It's far better for you.


 * Not everyone can afford organic stores, Carmen. Maybe you should check your privilege!




 * I just meant that eating too much processed food is a big factor in weight gain, and--


 * And what? Big people shouldn't be proud of who they are?


 * Uh, no! Of course not! I mean, ask your doctor and he will tell you--


 * "He?" Why would you assume the doctor is a he? Is it because you assume a woman can't be a doctor?!




 * What is this?


 * I have studied the martial ways of the social justice warrior. Fight me in an argument, if you dare. Perish under the sword of my self-righteousness.


 * But Gumball, exploiting those powers to win some petty argument will just hurt the cause of the people who really need our help.


 * Wait, no! My powers!


 * Instead of fighting, why don't we just hug it out?


 * Wait! Stop! What are you doing?!


 * I forgive you.




 * NOO! The shame I've cast... it's all coming back at me! AAAH!




 * And I can't even be angry about it.

Indecent Exposer



 * Ninja!




 * Why are you even doing this?


 * I owe it to our classmates to expose Carmen as the hypocrite she is, and humiliate her in front of everyone at school. Then we'll see who's the best person.


 * Okay, first, you're the only person who's exposed right now.


 * Oh yeah, sorry.


 * I meant exposed as the bad person in this scenario. And secondly, you're wasting your time. You won't find any dirt on her.


 * I thought you came here to help me.


 * Yeah, to help you realize you're wrong. You need to stop hearing only what you want to hear.


 * You're right, victory is near. No way!


 * What?




 * Carmen used to lead quite the thug life. Look at this, truancy, fights, cheating!  Oh no...


 * Graffiti, dude. It's on the wall. The police don't go around drawing toot bubbles on a crime scene.


 * No wait, look-look-look! This is the video of her getting expelled from her previous school.


 * Police forcibly removed a local girl who'd been expelled from Franklin Junior High this morning.


 * Ah, she was horrible. She kept disrespecting me, making fun of my face, saying things like, "Hey, Blurry McBlurrerson, if you were a movie you would be a pirate screener." Here she comes!




 * What are you doing?!


 * I'm gonna upload this and message everyone we know to watch it.


 * What?! No!




 * But why?!




 * Because it's evil, and she turned her life around! She's only trying to help you be a better person! And so what if she's a little smug about it?!


 * Just continue fighting while I come up with a valid argument!




 * Dagnabbit! You're right, she doesn't deserve this.


 * There you go. Now you're being the better man. Come on, let's get outta here.



Call-out Fallout



 * How many people did you send that video to?!


 * What do you mean I sent it?!


 * Well, there's always more than one person to blame. Like, if there was a car accident, who's fault is it? The guy who ran the red light, or the Mesopotamian dude who invented the wheel?


 * Whatever! We sent it to everyone we know! We gotta stop them from watching it!




 * That was from Gumball.




 * That was from Darwin.




 * That was from Penny.


 * That was from Carrie.




 * What the?




 * What sorta phone is that? Can you even watch videos on it?


 * What's a phone? I use this here thingamajig to smarten out folks with flare pants and colorful knit wear. My papa says their activity's gonna bring 'bout the apocalypse.




 * Nah, never mind.




 * You have mail.


 * Hey Quiri, read my e-mail.


 * Hey Quiri, divide zero by zero.


 * Dividing by zero.




 * What the?


 * Aw, dagnabbit! She was the last one!


 * No she wasn't. What about Alan?




 * What? It seemed neater. Hey, Carmen. I'm... so sorry. No one should ever have seen that video.


 * Well, I've seen the video, Gumball.


 * Oh, really?


 * Yes, and I'm glad it's out there.


 * Wow, th-- But, okay. Wow, I-- Thank you for not being angry, I guess.


 * Oh, I used to be angry. Back when I was at Franklin Junior High. But I worked hard to improve myself. I hope you get there too, one day.


 * Aww, that's... Wait, what?


 * And just one more word of advice, if you're gonna upload yourself to the internet, maybe wear some pants.