The Munnery

It's alive! Mom! I found dad! The United States Navy battling a new foe, low recruitment. So remember "don't ask, don't tell?" Now we're more "don't ask" than ever before. When they write your life story will anyone want to read it? Then put a chapter in there about having sex with a man on a submarine. That would be a neat book. The Navy. Kneel before Zod! Lay down on your backs before Zod. Now, using your lower abdominals raise your legs and hold on a five-count before Zod. One before Zod, two before Zod three before Zod There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like Oh, crap! This isn't what I meant. Well, tan my hide. Look who's come home! Dwayne, get on out here and see what the cat drug in. Why, Rita, I My little girl has finally come back to me. You look good, child. There's no place like Auntie Em and Uncle Henry's. Coming this fall from the creators of Monk, everyone's parents' favorite obsessive-compulsive detective comes Cork America's first mentally challenged crime sleuth. It's Anica Dorsey, the bank teller. We're all out of leads, Cork. What do you make of the situation? I'm a tornado! I'm a tornado! It's a wedding band. This young man just found our first clue. - Good job, Cork. - No more gym class. What is it, Cork? Is it a widow and her boyfriend trying to cash in on her late husband's insurance policy? Is it a gang of old poker buddies who decided to knock over a casino for one last shot at fortune? - Do you have to go number-one? - Yeah! OK. Take my hand. No more soda for you today, OK? He's getting away! - You want to go faster, Cork? - OK. Loud noises. No noises. You'll never take me alive, Cork! One move and your precious volunteer big sister is gonna have a bullet in her head! - Cork, do something! - Boobies. Cork, quick! The bad man took your Stretch Armstrong! No! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Cork, that's enough. Cork, that's enough. Cork. Cork, thanks to your unflappable enthusiasm and surprisingly handy capable strengths, this city owes you a great debt. As a token of our gratitude, you may now pick out one toy at the toy store. I am spaghetti. Release the Kraken! I'm free. I'm free! Oh, my God! It's all so beautiful. I honestly thought I would never get out. ¤ Heartbreak ¤ ¤ In the morning there's heartbreak ¤ ¤ My kittens have left me ¤ ¤ And the flowers are dead ¤ ¤ I hear laughter, but never for me ¤ ¤ No, I'm alone ¤ ¤ Dust and refuse ¤ ¤ Fills my soul ¤ ¤ Sorrow ¤ ¤ Every moment is torment ¤ ¤ I can't recall sunshine ¤ ¤ And all colors are gray ¤ ¤ In the mirror ¤ ¤ I beg for release and hear its sweet call ¤ ¤ When the gates open, I walk slowly in ¤ It's just like Andy always told me. Get busy dying, or get Kraken. I got no brakes! ¤ Faces filled with joy and cheer ¤ ¤ What a magical time of year ¤ ¤ Howdy ho it's Weasel Stomping Day ¤ ¤ Now put your Viking helmet on ¤ ¤ Spread that mayonnaise on the lawn ¤ ¤ Don't you know it's Weasel Stomping Day? ¤ ¤ Weasel stomping day ¤ ¤ All the little girls and boys ¤ ¤ Love that wonderful crunching noise ¤ ¤ You'll know what this day's about ¤ ¤ When you stomp a weasel's guts right out ¤ ¤ So come along and have a laugh ¤ ¤ Stomp their weasely spines in half ¤ ¤ Grab your boots and stomp your cares away ¤ ¤ Hip hip hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day ¤ ¤ People up and down the street ¤ ¤ Crushing weasels beneath their feet ¤ ¤ Why we do it, who can say? ¤ ¤ But it's such a festive holiday ¤ ¤ So let the stomping fun begin ¤ ¤ Bash their weasely skulls right in ¤ ¤ It's tradition, that makes it OK ¤ ¤ Hey, everyone, it's Weasel Stomping ¤ ¤ We'll have some fun on Weasel Stomping ¤ ¤ Put down your gun, it's Weasel Stomping Day ¤ ¤ Hip hip hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day ¤ ¤ Weasel Stomping Day ¤ Well, here we are, face to face. Starlight, star bright first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might have this wish I wish tonight. I wish Holy crap! I got to tell Oscar. Oscar! Oscar! Oscar! Oscar, it's me, Kevin. - What happened? - I made a wish on that star. Dude, we got to tell Jimmy. Dudes, we've got to tell Louis. Louis. Hey, Louis. Make a wish. It'll come true. A giant squid? You idiot! We're not even near water. Crap! Sorry, guys. Let's go tell Timmy. Timmy! Hey, Timmy! Use your laser cannon to wake him up. I have a laser cannon? All giant robots have laser cannons. Holy crap! I have a laser cannon! Timmy! Timmy! Make a wish, and it'll come true. - Timmy?! - Let's go get Zach. Zach, wake up! Wake up, Zach! Make a wish, and it'll come true. Fucking jerks! It's 3:00 in the morning. - Want to play doctor? - I don't have insurance. Report, Mr. Scott. Captain, somebody traded all our dilithium crystals for pornographic holograms. - And? - With no power all life support on the ship is about to fail. And? Our only hope is to beam down to the nearest planet but there is only enough power to send five people. - I can't do no more. - Captain, logic dictates that each of the 433 crew members Where did Kirk go? Oh, no, he didn't. No fair, Jim! Now there's only enough power for four of us to beam out! I'm a doctor. I have to go. I have a vagina. A vagina could prove quite useful. I'm Toby, the redshirt. You need a redshirt. You just do. - Quite logical. - Sure. Only one of us can go, old friend. We shall handle this the only logical way. What the hell is that?! Did you just try the Vulcan nerve pinch on me? No. My eye! It looks like we got some sort of Donner Party situation up in here. Damn it, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a A cannibal. Yes, we know. We know. Am I really that predictable? Chain of command, people. So I guess we start by eating Let's see. Hell, no! You know what? Fuck all y'all. - It is your duty. - Screw that! On behalf of all the redshirts that fell before me it makes me very, very proud to speak the following sentence. I'm the only one that brought a gun. That's good ham.