Joel Hurwitz

_ It's alive! 8x07 - "Joel Hurwitz" You don't look ready to jump, soldier! Got something to say? It's just that none of the other soldiers jumped tandem. - And being face-to-face is sort of - Sexy? Uh, I was gonna say weird. How about now? Come inside and lose your mind Bone bus Bone bus! Bone bus - How old are you, skipper? - 18. Aw, you have such a tight, little body. Uh, when is Barbie getting here? You're into girl-on-girl? Sexy. Let skipper go! She's a confused girl who got on the wrong bus! That's our business model, bro! Now, where were we? Oh, right, I was about to touch your boobs. Don't worry, skipper. You're safe. And you you, sir, will never bone in this bus again. Hey, what's your name? I'm Ken, and I'm gonna Aw, that's a [bleep] hot name for a [bleep] hot dude. Ever consider a career in adult entertainment? I'm a big, bright, shining star. Hey, mind if I get in on that action? Hey! Hey! Get the hell out of here! Hey, it's only gay if our stamens touch. Welcome to foster's home for imaginary friends, Mikayla. - Adopt anyone you like. - No. No. No. No. That's the one! I want him! Let's all welcome our new friend, Mr. Tyler Durden! I want you to hit me in the face as hard as you can. - No, thank you. - I'll do it. Call me bitch tits, will you? And now we watch as the salmon swim upstream to Spawn. Aww, I missed you little guys! You're probably wondering why you're all here. Well, I have a surprise for you. This changes everything. We're taking "battle of the exes" up a notch. Please welcome X-Men exes, Wolverine and Jean Grey. A team of mutants? This changes everything. Having Wolverine as a teammate? Whew! Things did not end well between us. She fell into the ocean and slept in a cocoon while her evil twin killed a trillion innocent aliens. And when I woke up, all my shows on the DVR were [bleep] gone. Aliens are real? This changes everything. People don't think we're real athletes, but just check out these scars. This one here is from "Rivals II. " Or maybe it was "Exes II. " It's hard to keep all my authentic athletic competitions straight. Yeah. I am not gonna lie. Wolverine looks good. What are you doing with this slut? - Go ahead. Hit me, bitch. - [Bleep] you, you mutey whore! - Ow! - Jean, stop this. - No, I don't want to do this. - Me, neither! - I'm not even making you do it anymore. - [Bleep] off. At least this will leave a cool scar. Johnny Bananas is dead? Meh. Since the other guys are hospitalized or dead, you're the only team left. Congrats. You guys killed it. But, Wolverine, you physically assaulted several players. This ends your time here. Yeah, I gave into my berserker rage and murdered a few people. But the important thing is I finally got closure with Jean. Jean Grey, legally speaking, telekinesis doesn't count as physical assault, so you're the winner. - Congratulations. You killed it. - Whoo-hoo! But there's one final twist. We're still obligated to deliver 13 episodes. On next week's "Challenge" Yeah! Whoo! I'm killing it. I'm T. J. Lavin. What's next, Riddick? We fight our way to the power core and get off this planet. Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Kid, leave god out of this. - He wants no part of what happens next. - The hell I don't! I may not always show up, but it's nice to be invited. - On your six. - Yeah! This is the emergency broadcast system. The purge has begun. All crime is legal for 12 hours. I'd like a kids' meal, please. King of the purge! Gosh, my firsts day at school as a real boy. Hi, I'm Pinocchio. I'm gonna call you [bleep] [bleep] I used to be made out of a pile of sticks, so I understand how you could make that mis It's P. B. and J. Also known as the poor-kid special. I don't mind. Mmm. I'm just happy to eat like a real b What happened? Uh, apparently, you have a peanut allergy. - Ah. What's that for? - It's a catheter. Your allergic reaction closed off your pee tube. - What's a pee tube? - I'll be outside. N-N-Nobody's every touched my pee-pee before. You may feel a little pinch. - W-W-What happened? - The catheter gave you a staph infection. And since you've only been a real boy for a day, your immune system hasn't developed yet. Oh, no! He's seizing! Get the crash cart! We'll have to massage his heart. Get the rib spreader! Hey, real boys die. But, no, "I'm Geppetto. I can't be happy with the world's only sentient puppet. " Sorry for your loss. This burger's terrible! Yeah, 'cause I shit in the meat. King of the purge! Sorry, folks. We're almost sold out. You are the last unicorn. Hey, man, what do you think the teacher's - gonna look like this year? - I don't know, man. I hear hiring has been a real challenge since the school relocated next to that disgusting swamp. Whaaaaaaa! Real slimy creature shakin' it for me can't wait for the afternoon when that final bell rings I'll get to learn some other things detention in your sexy-ass lagoon in my pants, in my pants, in my pants I'm hot for creature that thing could show you boob in class I'm hot for creature Take it, creature! No! No! No! _ All right, are you ready for this? - I'm as ready as I'll ever be, Devin. - Good luck, Mr. Predator. This isn't the drop zone! Take cover behind the Pier 1 imports hammock! I think it's time to get a little one-on-one action with the guys. Ice buckets? Rose petals? What the hell? But this place has an incredible housekeeper. Very sexy. Wait! Where's Hawkins and Blain? Up here! - Ooh, champagne. - Blain, no! Blain! Things were heating up, but I figured I'd help them along even more. What do you think, Devin? Oh, I think that's a great idea, Mr. Predator. Should I call for backup? Maybe. But, hey, you don't look a gift fantasy suite in the mouth. Yo, a free head! Huh? Pancho's not a book, just a stack of unbound papers. - No spine! - Ugh. You have a problem with me? I'm not gonna lie. It feels nice being fought over. What do you think, Devin? Hey. Who Who took my head? Oh, no! Mac He's possessed! This house! It's, h-haunted with the g-g-g-g-g-g-g I get it! Run! I'll distract the monster, you just get your ass over that wall. Who am I kidding? Bitches stick together. Every rose has its thorn! Take care of Devin. - You came back for me. - I couldn't save any of you! No! Next season on "the Predatorette," This sexy housekeeper has a bun in the oven, - but who's the father? - Oh, no!