Future Tense

''[The kids are having fun outside. Lincoln is reading one of his comics, Lisa carrying a microscope, Lana is playing in the mud, Lily is holding Cliff, Lynn is playing soccer, Lola is driving her car, Luna is playing her guitar, and Lori is taking a picture of Luan, Leni, and Lucy posing by holding their fingers like guns with her phone.]'' Lori: "Say hi to the internet!" Luna: [playing her guitar and singing] "♫I love to do nothing and hang out and waste time♫" [Lynn Sr. and Rita are pulling dandelions out of their yard.] Rita: [exhausted] "Ich. I'm covered in dandelions." Lynn Sr.: "Well you look dandy, and I'm not lion." [laughs] ''[A fancy car horn blurs and gets the Louds' attention. A car drives by with a family with gleaming smiles.]'' Lola: "Who's that? They look so...so...perfect!" Lana: [nauseated] "Yeah, I'll say. Their shiny teeth hurt my eyes." [rubs her eyes] Lincoln: "Looks like they bought the Crowleys' old house." Lynn Sr.: "Guess we got a new family moving in on the street." Rita: "Let's put off weeding until tomorrow and welcome them to the neighborhood. As soon as I clean up." Lynn Sr.: "On it!" [blows the leaf blower at his wife, getting her clean.] "Good to go."

[Lynn Sr. and Rita arrive at their new neighbors' home and knock as the new folks answer.] Rita: "Hi! We're your neighbors. I'm Rita Loud, and this is my husband Lynn." [They shake hands] Bumper Sr.: "Great to meet you. Bumper and Jancey Yates." Lynn Sr.: "And I brought you a little housewarming gift: some of my famous lynn-sagna." [gives it to Jancey] Jancey: "Thank you. How nice. Though, we really don't do dairy." Bumper Sr.: "It makes our kids sluggish. But we could share it with the needy." Jancey: "Oh, won't you come in?" Rita: "Uh, we won't take up too much of your time. We're sure you have a lot of un-pack-ing...to...do..." [notices that the house is already furnished exquisitely.] Lynn Sr.: [notices as well] "Or...not." Rita: "Wow." [chuckles] "How did you do that so fast?" Bumper Sr.: "We don't like putting things off. It sends a bad message to the kids." [The parents laugh] Jancey: "Oh, speaking of our kids..." [Enter the first Yates kid.] Beatrix: "Hey, Mom and Dad. Can I borrow the car tonight? I have to be at practice and then my computer coding class." Jancey: "Of course, Beatrix." [picks up a bag of snacks] "Don't forget to eat your protein-based snack before class, and your carb-based snack after." ''[Beatrix takes the snacks. Enter the second Yates kid with a trophy.]'' Bumper Jr.: "I got first place in the State Math Bowl!" Jancey: "Great work, Bumper Jr.! You can put that in the trophy room." ''[Bumper Jr. puts the trophy in a closet filled with other trophies, much to Lynn Sr. and Rita's astonishment. Enter the third Yates kid with a letter.]'' Belle: "I got the internship at the UN!" Jancey: "That's fantastic, Belle!" Belle: [takes out a fiddle] "And I finally nailed that tricky passage of Bach's Partita in D Minor!" [She plays the passage which shocks the Loud parents as her parents applaud her.] Bumper Sr.: "Almost. But watch your transitions." [Enter the final Yates kid.] Beau: "Will you guys take me to my gallery opening tonight?" Jancey: "Of course, Beau." Beau: "Gomawoyo!" [Thanks a lot] [The Loud parents are confused.] Jancey: "He's in a Korean-English immersion program." [The kids leave] Rita: "Wow. Your kids sure are impressive." Lynn Sr.: "Yeah. Is there anything they're not good at?" Jancey: "Well, we feel like they have to be well-rounded. It's such a competitive world out there." Bumper Sr.: "If we don't encourage them to realize their full potential, we're failing them. I'm sure you guys can relate." [He and Jancey grin]

[Rita and Lynn Sr. are walking home.] Rita: [uneasy] "So...they were nice." Lynn Sr.: "Oh yeah." [Beat] Rita and Lynn Sr.: [distraught] "WE'RE FAILING OUR KIDS!!!"

[Inside Vanzilla] Lana: "Where are we going? I was supposed to meet the guys at the mud hole after school!" Rita: "Your father and I signed you up for some extracurricular activities today." Lynn Sr.: "We just feel it's really important for you guys to be well-rounded in this competitive world." Lynn: "Well-rounded? Ho ho! You want us to bulk up?" [starts lifting a dumbbell] "Sweet!" Lynn Sr.: "No, Lynn. You're actually going to the learning center." Rita: "You're great at sports, honey, but to realize your full potential, you could use a boost in your academics." Lynn: "I'm great at math! A TD plus extra point equals 7! But if you go for a conversion, that is 8. Boom! Math." [They drop her off at the learning center anyway.] Lynn: "FLAG ON THE PLAY!" [throws the flag on the ground in anger] [The arts and crafts center] Lisa: "A ceramics studio? Are we lost?" Lynn Sr.: "No, sweetie. This is your stop. You're great at science, but to be well-rounded, you need to embrace the arts." [drops her off] Lisa: [sarcastic] "YES, GOOD CALL! I WAS JUST ON THE VERGE OF CURING THE H1N1 VIRUS, BUT HEY, WHY DON'T I GO MAKE A COFFEE MUG INSTEAD?!" [The community college] Luna: "Royal Woods Community College? What the hey, Pop Star?" Lynn Sr.: "Luna, we love your fun lingo, but to get ahead in life, it wouldn't hurt to brush up on your English?" [Luna steps out] Luna: "That's whack, brah!" [Lori and Leni watch Luna and are terrified at the mention of their names.] Rita: "And Lori and Leni, you'll be taking SAT prep classes. That's the best way to get into a good college." [Lori and Leni step out] Leni: "What about just using the front door?" Rita: [worried] "Let's put Leni for the double session." [Vanzilla drives off] Luna: "WE DON'T NEED NO EDUCATION!" [The parents drop Luan off at City Hall.] Rita: "Life isn't all about laughs, honey. We think you'll learn more about serious matters by interning at the mayor's office." Luan: "Well, mayor day be ruined, too!" [laughs] "Get it? But, seriously, I don't wanna do this." [They drop Lucy off at the basketball court.] Lucy: "Basketball?" Lynn Sr.: "We love how independent you are, honey, but when you get out into the real world, you'll need to know how to work with a team." Lucy: "Of humans?" [gags] [They drop Lola off at the community help center.] Rita: "Volunteering at a soup kitchen will look great on your résumé." Lola: [furious] "You know what won't look great? ME IN A HAIRNET!" [They drop Lana off at Finishing School.] Lynn Sr.: "Finishing School will teach you some valuable social graces." [drives off] Lana: "I'VE GOT SOCIAL GRACES UP THE WAZOO!" [belches] Lincoln: [petrified] "Where am I going? A police academy? Military school?" Lynn Sr.: "Nope. You're going home. To read comics." Lincoln: [relieved and under a beam of light] "I knew I was your favorite." ''[The light turns out to have been coming from Vanzilla's inside light. Lynn Sr. turns it off and hands Lincoln some comic books about the government.]'' Lincoln: [confused] "The Senator Squad: Law Making In Action?" Rita: "Yes! These are educational comics that'll help broaden your outlook." [smiles] Lincoln: [disappointed] "So...not your favorite."

[Back home, the parents sit on the sofa.] Lynn Sr.: "I'm so proud of us." Rita: "Me too. Our kids are on their way to becoming well-rounded high achieving adults." Lynn Sr.: "Just like their 'rents, huh? So, wanna watch that video of old people falling out of boats?" Rita:" "Do I?!" [They watch the video. The next day, the kids are all ready and reluctant to go to their activities.] Lincoln: [unamused] "Another day, another educational comic." [holds up a comic about temperatures] Lisa: "At least you don't have to spend the day making ceramic gravy boats." [holds out said boat] Luna: "At least you can talk how you wanted, brah. Uh, I mean, milady." [The parents come out of their room waking up.] Lynn Sr.: "Kids, what are you doing? It's Saturday! Go have fun!" [The kids cheer and go outside.]

[Outside, they're doing what they did at the beginning of the episode with Leni taking a photo of Lucy, Lori, and Luan making duck faces while Luan makes a funny variation.] Lori: "Luan, that's not a duck face." [Leni takes the picture.] Lori: "Leni, I wasn't ready!" Leni: "Say hi to the internet!" Luna: [playing her guitar and singing] "♫Doo-wop, doo-wop, doo-wop, doo-wop-doo...♫" [The parents are happy that their kids are having fun and notice the Yates family passing by with trees and gardening equipment.] Bumper Sr.: "Hiya, Louds!" Lynn Sr.: "Hey there, neighbors! Got some fun plans for the weekend?" Jancey: "Yes, we do! We're doing some volunteer work for the city: planting trees!" Bumper Sr.: "It's all about turning downtime into well-round-time." Beau: "Najung-e boja!" [See you afterwards] ''[The Yates Family leaves; Rita and Lynn Sr. look at each other in fear. Cut to the Louds cleaning up the interstate.]'' Luna: [frustrated] "What happened to "It's Saturday"? The only thing I should be picking up is my axe!" Lynn Sr.: "You'll thank us for this one day." [A car comes careening down the road and hits some mud that gets all over Leni who screams.] Lisa: "But probably not today." Leni: [sad] "I've got mud in my mouth." Lana: [jealous] "Lucky..."

[The kids arrive home filthy from their cleaning.] Lincoln: "I'm going to be seeing hamburger wrappers in my sleep tonight." Rita: "All right, kids..." [the kids gasp in horror of what she's about to say.] "...you're free to do whatever you want for the rest of the day." Lynn Sr.: [with coffee] "Guys, I just ran into Bumper Sr. at the coffee shop, and he said they're taking their kids to the symphony for cultural enrichment!" Rita: "What?! Wash up, kids! We're going to the opera!" [The kids groan, and the family goes to the opera house where Lynn Sr., Rita, and Lily appearing to be enjoying it.] Tenor: [singing] "♫Tralala-lalala-lalala-la!♫" Rita: "Do they look enriched?" [They open their eyes and see that all of them except Lisa fell asleep.] Tenor: [cont'd] "♫Fortunatissimo per verità!♫" [Most fortunate indeed!] [They return home after the show.] Lynn Sr.: [holding Lily as she sleeps] "Wasn't that enriching, guys?" Rita: "I just ran into Jancey! Her kids are raising money for schools! She says it's important to keep them civic-minded!" Lynn Sr.: "Back in the car!" [The kids groan and follow] Lori: "I'm really starting to not like the Yateses." ''[Cut to Luna and Lucy at a neighbor's house. Luna knocks, the owner answers, and Lucy holds up a pamphlet.]'' Lucy: "Hi. Are you registered to vote?" [The guy closes the door on them.] Luna: [pounds on the door] "Bogus, dude! I mean..." [British accent] "...that was rather uncouth." [Lisa and Luan have a door slammed on them, as do Lynn and Lincoln, and Leni and Lola.] Lola: [furious] "I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!" [They return home in the dead of night.] Lynn: "Can we please go to bed now?" Rita: "Of course. Jancey says kids need 10 hours of sleep for maximum brain growth." Lisa: [sarcastic and relived] "Oh, well, thank goodness for Jancey." [The kids go to bed and the parents sit on the sofa.] Lynn Sr.: "I think we earned a little R&R. You wanna watch that show where they reenact old movies with cats?" Rita: "Do I?!" ''[They turn on the TV to the show with cats acting out Casablanca. A news report interrupts the show.]'' News Anchor: "We interrupt "Cats-ablanca" for this special news report." [The news reporter is at a pier in the forest with the Yates's.] News Reporter:"I'm standing here with the Yates family who just saved an endangered turtle." Jancey: [into the mic] "We want our kids to appreciate the importance of protecting wildlife." Rita: [irritated] "Dang it! We didn't think about that one!" Lynn Sr.: [heading upstairs] "KIDS, WAKE UP! WE'RE GOING TURTLE SAVING!"

''[A few days later, Lynn Sr. is bandaging up his hand and holding a pineapple for a snapping turtle that they saved. The turtle roars at Lynn Sr. and snaps.]'' Lynn Sr.: [giving his wife the pineapple] "You wanna feed him, honey? I've been doing it all week. Ow." ''[Rita puts the pineapple in the tank and the turtle snaps it. The parents flinch at the snapping. Enter their kids one by one.]'' Lana: [balancing books on her head] "Hey, Mom and Dad. I passed Finishing School with honors." Lynn: [holding a trophy] "I took first in the State Math Bowl." Lori: "We just took our practice SAT's. My verbal score went up 200 points." Leni: "Mine, too. So, now it's 200." Lisa: [with a wagon of pottery] "Behold the fruits of my ceramic labors. 13 full plate settings." Lucy: [spinning a basketball on her finger] "I made the all-star team."[Enter Lola and Lincoln with bags of trash.] Lincoln: "We cleared the entire interstate from here to Flint." Luna: "I tutored some new citizens in English, then registered them to vote." [Drops a piece of paper which Luan picks up.] Luan: [with a briefcase] "I helped solve the city's parking crisis." Rita: "Wow, guys! This is all so amazing! We're so proud of you." Lynn Sr.: "What say we take a little break and get our ice cream on? Huh?" Lola: "Sorry, Daddy. Ice cream doesn't look good on a résumé. Especially if you spill it." Lori: "Plus, it'll literally just make us sluggish." Rita: "Well, how about a little trip to the movies?" Leni: "I don't see how that will help us get ahead in life." Luna: "Regretfully, I must concur. Now we must excuse ourselves to study our state capitals flash cards." [The kids go upstairs to continue applying themselves, no longer the fun-loving Loud kids we've come to love.] Lynn Sr.: [shocked] "No ice cream?" Rita: [just as shocked] "No movie?" Lynn Sr. and Rita: "WE'RE FAILING OUR KIDS!!!" Lynn Sr.: "Kids, come outside!" [The kids pop out of their rooms curiously.]

[Outside] Lisa: "Can we make this quick? You're cutting into our well-rounded time." Lynn Sr.: "Forget about well-rounded time. Forget about everything. Just go have fun." [The kids are surprised] Lola: [suspicious] "Is this a trick?" Rita: "No. We're sorry we've been forcing all these activities on you guys. We got so caught up in worrying about your future that we forgot about your present." Lori: "But what about college?" Lucy: "And our résumés?" Lisa: "And embracing the arts?" Lynn Sr.: "That stuff's important, but there'll be plenty of time for that. You're kids. You should enjoy being kids." ''[The kids all cheer and go off to do their own activities. Lily is now holding Geo's hamster ball. Luan is reeling her fake spider down to Leni.]'' Lori: "Leni, there's a-ah, whatever. Say "hi" to the internet." Leni: "AAAHH!!! SPIDER!!!" [The parents are happy to see their kids playing and see the Yates.] Bumper Sr.: "Hey, Louds. We're off to the postal museum." Jancey: "Learning about the past will help our kids shape the future. What are you guys doing?" Lynn Sr.: "Just having fun." Bumper Sr.: [puzzled] "Fun? What's the purpose of that?" Rita: "Well, we think that in this competitive world, it's good to let kids unwind a little." Jancey: "Huh. We didn't think of that one." Bumper Sr.: [checks his watch] "I guess if we switch from the 12 o'clock tour to the 12:15, we can squeeze in...seven minutes of fun. What do you say, kids?" ''[The kids all smile and head over to the Loud House. Bumper Jr. is playing with Mr. Coconuts and making Luan laugh, Beau is reading comics with Lincoln, Belle is jamming with Luna, and Beatrix is playing Soccer with Lynn while all the parents look on contently.]'' Lynn Sr.: "Hey, while the kids are playing, you wanna watch videos of old people falling out of boats?" Bumper Sr. and Jancey: [ecstatic] "DO I?!"