Be True to Your Preschool

[The teaser:]

D.J.: [to Steve] I'll be right there. I forgot my jacket. [She rushes to her room and finds Michelle reading her diary.] Michelle! That's my diary. [She snatches it out of Michelle's hand.] You shouldn't be looking at this.

Michelle: Don't worry. I don't know how to read anyways.

D.J.: Oh, right. Well, just stay out of my stuff anyway, OK?

Michelle: Okey-dokey.

[D.J. hides the diary under the covers, grabs her jacket, and exits the room. Suddenly, the closet door opens...]

Stephanie: Whew! That was close. [She exits the closet, locates D.J.'s diary under the covers, and pulls it out.] Now, where were we?

Michelle: May 7th. D.J. got a zit.

Stephanie: Oh, right. [She opens it up.] "I tried to make it look like a beauty mark, but nobody was fooled." [Both giggle.]

Jesse: Cooper talks good.

Cooper: Cooper talks well.

Becky: [while reading the twins' preschool application] 'Identify the geometric shape which is most familiar to your offspring.' I don't know the answer.

Jesse: I don't know the question.

Joey [to Jesse] Wow, Bouton Hall, I couldn't get in there and I was 14.

Jesse: It doesn't look like Nicky and Alex will get in there either.

Jesse [while working on the twins' preschool application] Well, they have good verbal skills. I mean, they do talk all the time. It's just not always in English.

Joey: Perfect. Put down that they're bilingual.

Jesse: They're not bilingual!

Joey: Sure they are! They speak two languages: English and gibberish.

[In the kitchen, D.J., Stephanie, and Steve are having cookies and milk when Michelle asks a favor.]

Michelle: Steve, are you my friend?

Steve: Of course I am.

Stephanie: Watch it, Steve. She's setting you up.

Michelle: Do you mind? I'm talking to my friend. [Stephanie rolls her eyes.] [to Steve] Can you help me with my math?

Steve: Well, math's not my best subject, but I can give it a shot.

Michelle: Just so you know, it's '5, take away (minus) 1'.

Steve: '5, take away 1'. Alright, now, [putting cookies on the table] let's say you have five cookies. Now, if you take away one [pops one into his mouth, and mumbling:], how many do you have left?

Michelle: Four, if I hurry. [She takes the rest.]

D.J.: Michelle, what are you doing?

Michelle: Studying [and leaves].

[When the girls get out of the car at a stop light to show off to some nerds, they get locked out.]

Stephanie: Gibbler, my door is locked.

D.J.: Mine too.

Michelle: Mine three.

[The nerds get the last laugh and walk away.]

Kimmy: I must've hit the power door lock. We're locked out!

D.J.: [sighs] Well, maybe we can break a window. We need something hard.

Stephanie: How about Gibbler's head?

Kimmy: We can't break a window on 'Wild Thing'! My brother would kill me.

[They all walk over to the curb and sit down.]

D.J.: Now what are we gonna do?

Michelle: [happily] We can get a pizza!

Stephanie: [sarcastically] Good idea, Michelle. And how would you like to get it?

Michelle: Oh, yeah. We can have it delivered! [The others just look at each other.]

[In their apartment, Jesse tries again to get the twins to show how smart they are using shape-fitting blocks.]

Jesse: [holding up a green piece] No, no, no! This has five sides, and it's called a... a 'five-side-agon' [pentagon]. Now, please concentrate. Where does the 'five-side-agon' go? [Alex throws it at his dad's head.]

Becky: Uh-oh, Daddy got a boo-boo. [They both get up and kiss his boo-boo.]