Mommy Can You Hear Me?

(Scene opens at the Flynn-Fletcher house.)

Candace: (from inside) So, I was looking up at the stars, thinking about Jeremy... (Close-up of her, on her cell phone.) Only I was walking down the stairs at the time. (Her foot is in a cast.) And now I'm stuck in bed! Doctor's orders! If I re-injure it, I'll have to miss the Tiny Cowboy concert tomorrow! Backstage passes!

Linda: (outside the door) Candace!

Candace: See you soon, Stace. (closes cell phone)

Linda: (opens the door) Your father wants me to listen to one of his "soundscapes", so I figured I'd strap on the headphones and finally get those flowers planted in the backyard. Do you think you can entertain yourself up here alone?

Candace: Sure. Maybe I'll count useless limbs. (points to her injured foot) One.

Phineas: (as he and Ferb enters Candace's room) Don't bother! We've got the perfect cure for boredom!

Linda: Well, looks like things are under control here.

Candace: Don't bring that junk in here.

Phineas: It's not junk. It's cool stuff to play with so you don't succumb to cabin fever.

Candace: Please. A toy helicopter? Oh, and look! Mindy Mimic! Boring.

Mindy Mimic: Boring.

Phineas: Or you could do some reading! Ferb and I wrote a 28-volume science fiction, swashbuckling, historical romance, tell-all, potboiler, mystery, satire, buddy-cop adventure, tragedy, how-to, action novel.

Also, we rigged up this closed-circuit video screen for you. And then we planted cameras at strategic locations around the house. So, you can still be with the family while you're convalescing. This remote controls the camera and a few other surprises so you'll feel less, you know, imprisoned.

Candace: Thanks for that characterization.

Phineas: Oh, look, there's Dad!

Lawrence: (on the video screen; singing gibberish) Hey, where's Perry?

(Scene switches to Perry's lair, where he enters from an unknown entrance.)

Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. Doofenshmirtz has been buying up all the hard salami, kaiser rolls, pickles, roast beef, mustard, horseradish, sauerkraut, and pimento loaf in the Tri-State Area. We don't know what it means, but it sounds like a recipe for evil. (pause) Or at least an evil sandwich. Investigate at once!

(Perry pushes a button on the console and a rocket-powered hang-glider comes from its hiding place, which he uses to exit his lair.)

(In the backyard at the Flynn-Fletcher house, where Linda's planting flowers while listening to the "soundscapes".)

Isabella: Hi, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher. What'cha doin? Um, I said...

(music playing)

Isabella: (as Baljeet and Buford enters the backyard) Rocking out with the headphones, huh?

Buford: Hey, what are you losers up to?

Phineas: It's cosmonaut Sergei Kushnarov's birthday. Right now, Sergei is orbiting Earth an international space station, trying to prove the existence of wormholes! And in a few hours, he'll be directly above our backyard.

Baljeet: I hope they do not void the sanitation system.

Buford: Is that the first place your brain goes? Really?

Phineas: Anyway, Ferb and I are constructing a Stratospheric Ionizer, to make a happy birthday message appear in the upper atmosphere.

Baljeet: Wow! Sounds high tech.

Phineas: It sure is! (at Ferb) Hey, Ferb, toss me that bone!

(Ferb picks up the bone, points at it, and then tosses it. It floats towards the atmosphere.)

(Meanwhile, in outer space...)

Cosmonaut 1: Hey, Sergei, are you still waiting to hear from your American friends? You're missing party right here.

(Camera shows Sergei's fellow cosmonauts celebrating his birthday.)

Cosmonaut 1: Have some cake.

Sergei: (gasps)

Cosmonaut 1: Relax. Flame is cardboard. (flicks cardboard candle away) I'm not an idiot. Now, come. It's your party.

Sergei: I will join you soon, comrades. Phineas and Ferb said I should watch the skies for a special message. (camera pans out to show space station) Those boys are so thoughtful.

(In Candace's room)

Stacy: Oh, look at it, all swollen and useless. You are one sorry, laid-up, mummy-footed bed potato.

Candace: Why you gotta be all like that? I mean, this is serious! I can't even get down to the radio station to pick up the backstage passes and...

Stacy: (looking out of the window) Huh! What's that your brothers are building down there?

Candace: What? (trying to get out of bed) Let me see! Let me see!

Stacy: No way. You gotta stay off that foot!

Candace: (grunts) Wait! The video screen! .... There they are! Doing things! And there's Mom! Not noticing! Mom, Mom, turn around!

Stacy: You know she can't hear you.

Candace: Then I'll call her.

(In the backyard)

(cell phone ringing; loud music playing)

Linda: Hey, this is pretty good!

(Candace's room)

Candace: Oh, why doesn't she answer? I'm going down there!

Stacy: No!

Candace: Stacy, you gotta help me!

Stacy: Okay.

Candace: Thank you.

Stacy: I am such an enabler.

(Scene switches to Perry flying the rocket-powered hang-glider to D.E.I. Just as he lands on the balcony, the hang-glider splits into two sections, and after it flies away, a trap door opens revealing a pickle trap. The aforementioned trap quickly captures him.)

Doofenshmirtz:Ah! Perry the Platypus. You got yourself in quite a pickle there! See? 'Cause it's a pickle. And you're inside it. Anyway, backstory. It all started the other day when I was visiting Tony's Deli.

(Flashback to when Doofenshmirtz shows Tony the raisin/"fly" in his soup)

Doofenshmirtz: I had gotten a bowl of chicken soup, but it had a fly in it.

Tony: It's a raisin.

Doofenshmirtz: It's a FLY!

Tony: It's a raisin.

Doofenshmirtz: So, I took it to an entomologist.

Entomologist: It's a raisin.

(An outraged Doofenshmirtz walks away then slams the door.)

Entomologist: But on the other side is a fly.

(Flashback ends)

Doofenshmirtz: Of course, by then my soup was cold and it was too late for a refund. But now, I will wash Tony's Deli off the face of the Tri-State Area with my new Chicken Soup-inator! (camera pans to reveal the -inator)

It blasts out a super-concentrated rocket-like bolt (camera pans again to show a very large container...) of boiling hot chicken soup powerful enough to demolish an entire city block! You wouldn't believe how much chicken soup that baby takes, though! Luckily, Aaron's Deli was having a sale! Half a gallon of chicken soup free with every $40 purchase. All that chicken soup and it didn't cost me a nickel. Ha-ha! Of course, I had to buy a lot of food, mostly deli meats. (camera shows most of the food he had bought) They're piled up in the halls. It's... kind of warm in there. I hope they keep.

(Back in Candace's room)

Candace: Come on, Stacy! Come on, Stacy!

Stacy: (on the video screen) Hey, turn around. Turn around!

(drilling)

Candace: This is it!

Stacy: (on the video screen) Yeah, I mean you.

Phineas: (on the video screen) Oh, hi, Stacy.

Candace: What?

Phineas: (on the video screen) It's hard to hear over all the noise we're making. Is Candace enjoying the live video?

Stacy: (on the video screen) She's watching right now.

Phineas: (on the video screen) Hi, Candace! We're waving back, but we can't see or hear you!

Candace: (growls; texts a message on her cell phone)

(In the backyard)

(phone beeping)

Stacy: (after looking at Candace's text message) Wow! I'm surprised the spelling checker didn't catch that. (at Phineas) I've got to deliver a message to your mom.

Phineas: She's right over there.

Delivery Man: Delivery./Stacy: Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher!

(Stacy taps on Linda's shoulder.)

Linda: (turns around) Oh! Hi, Stacy.

Stacy: Take a look. (walks away)

Linda: Oh, the azaleas. You can put those down over there.

Phineas: Okay, lower it here!

(Back at D.E.I., Perry's struggling to get out of the pickle trap. Perry finally gives up, but then gets an idea. After seeing if Doofenshmirtz isn't looking, he shakes off his fedora, reverts to pet mode, and then chatters.)

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, poor little regular platypus. Did mean old Perry the Platypus stick you in there? (releases Perry from the trap, who then punches him in the face) Hey, why did you do...

(Perry puts on his fedora)

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus! (runs toward the pile of food; grabs a bag from the pile) I don't know how you escaped or what you did with the other platypus but here, these two-day-old bagels are harder than Bessemer steel! Have a nosh!

(Doofenshmirtz tosses two bagels from the bag. Perry avoids the first one, but the second hits a passing by pelican.)

Doofenshmirtz: And how about some potato salad! Take this marble rye! And here's some braunschweiger! And some pickled herring! And, ooh, a red onion!

(Camera pans to Perry, who's holding a sandwich that has the food stuff Doofenshmitz threw at him.)

Doofenshmirtz: A Gunter Flagendorf? But how do you know that sandwich? He only made one movie and that was back in Gimmel... (gets hit in the face with the sandwich; screams)

(Back in the backyard)

Phineas: Power test.

(The Stratospheric Ionizer activates.)

(In Candace's room)

Candace: (throwing things at the window) Mom. Mom. Mom. I may as well try that dumb remote. (uses the remote several times) Oh, yeah, I'm free as a bird. (tosses the remote away; narrows eyes then grabs the box) Okay, what else? Oh, yeah, this thing and this. Big whoop.

Mindy Mimic: Big whoop.

Candace: (pause; gasps) Ee-ee-ee-ee... (attaches Mindy Mimic to helicopter) Mom, turn around.

Mindy Mimic: Mom, turn around. $x3$

(In the international space station)

Cosmonaut 1: Oh, smile, Sergei. It is your birthday.

Sergei: I know. I was just hoping to get a message from the boys by now.

Cosmonaut 1: Well, until then, you should join us in some fun! We are going to empty all of canteens and drink from the giant floating water ball, like ants in rain storm!

Sergei: Okay, okay, but just a sip.

(Just then, an asteroid warning signal appears on a monitor as one is heading towards the Earth.)

(Back at D.E.I., Perry does a back-flip and an action pose, then enters a bathroom, closing the door behind him. He opens a drawer that has an empty spray bottle and an opened package of antacid tablets in it.)

Doofenshmirtz: What? A bathroom break? Next time go before you come...

(While he's talking, the camera reveals that Perry's in Vanessa's bathroom. After smiling mischievously, he leaves it carrying the now filled spray bottle.)

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, how about some macaroni salad? .... Antacid? The only effective defense against deli foods. (grunts)

(Scene shifts to the backyard, where the helicopter, with the Mindy Mimic doll tied to it, continues its journey.)

Mindy Mimic: Mom, turn around. $x3$

(Linda bats at the helicopter a few times, causing a short circuit from it.)

(In Candace's room)

Candace: Oh, for crying out loud! (uses scissors to cut a cord; the cast falls) AAAAHHHHH!

(In the backyard)

Phineas: All right, guys. Sergei's space station is almost directly above us. Sing into the mic and the Stratospheric Ionizer will visualize our words!

(Inside the house, Candace's crawling down the stairs on her hands and knees. She looses her balance and then crashes the rest of the way.)

(In the backyard)

Phineas: Okay! A-one and a-two and...

(The helicopter hits the mic with a thud.)

Mindy Mimic: Turn around. $x2$

(The message appears in the upper atmosphere.)

Sergei: "Turn around"? .... Comrades, listen! Evasive maneuvers! Quickly!

Cosmonaut 1: Those boys, they have saved our lives!

Sergei: And look! We found a wormhole!

All: (whooping) Yes! That is what I am talking about!

(At the Flynn-Fletcher house, Candace finally made it to the backyard.)

Candace: (crawling towards Linda) Mooooom! Mooooom! Mooooom! Moooo-oooom!

(Meanwhile, the asteroid is heading towards the Tri-State Area.)

(Back at D.E.I., Doofenshmirtz spits some pickles out of his mouth.)

Doofenshmirtz: Twelve pickles! How did you even get them all in there? (leaps at Perry, who kicks him onto the -inator) My Chicken Soup-inator! Nooooo!

(A stream of chicken soup comes out and hits the asteroid as the latter passes by. The Chicken Soup-inator then explodes.)

(Back in the backyard)

Candace: Mom! (hops to Linda and stalks her) Turn around! (the asteroid whacks the ionizer behind her) TURN AROUUUUUND!!!

Linda: What? Oh, okay.

Candace: See? (sees nothing is there) But, but, but, but...

Linda: Well, I'm glad your ankle's feeling better, dear. But you should really be lying down. And look, the kids clear out the perfect spot for my snapdragons! I think that earns you for some pie.

Buford, Isabella, Ferb, Phineas: Hooray!

Linda: Oh, not on the flowers, sweetie, I just planted those.

Candace: They're lovely.

Phineas: It's a shame we couldn't get that message to Sergei. I'll try calling his cell. (dials a number on his cell phone)

Sergei: (voice recording) Hello, I'm unavailable because I'm hurtling through time, and evolving past our human limitations. So, don't bother leaving a message after the beep.

Phineas: I guess we'll never be able to wish him a happy birthday.

Ferb: Well, never say never.

(Caption: Somewhere beyond Jupiter... And beyond time.)

Sergei: (wheezing) What the... (gasps)

Ferb alien: Happy birthday!

Sergei: They did remember. Such nice boys.