Fowl Weather

(Setting: Outside of Agrabah. Pan down over rows of dead-looking trees. Aladdin and the gang and a boy are carrying jugs of water.)

Aladdin: Are we going the right way?

Boy: The fig trees are just up ahead. It was kind of you to help me.

Iago: Oh, we all like to do our part. So move it, monkey, and put some muscle into it!

(Abu, who is carrying a jar, puts it down and starts splashing Iago.)

Boy: Stop it, Abu! The trees are dying! They need every drop of water!

Abu: Sorry.

Iago: (lands in a tree) What the heck is wrong with that kid? What's he talkin' about? It looks like a fine fig to me. Here. (bites into a fig and it deflates) (to Aladdin, who is watering the tree) Come on, pokey! Can't you see these trees need water?

Aladdin: If only we had enough water to do the job.

Boy: There used to be a spring here.

Iago: Key words: "used to be".

Boy: (sighs) There's still time for one more trip to the town well. (walks away with a jug) Goodbye, and thanks.

Jasmine: He'll never get enough water this way. Isn't there something we can do, Aladdin?

(Aladdin rubs the lamp, and Genie comes out dressed as an opera singer.)

Genie: (singing) Der wunderkind! Der wunderkind! Der wunder, wunder, wun- (looks around) oh, boy.

Aladdin: Shh.

Genie: (sees the boy walking away) Oops. Civilians. (shrinks himself)

Aladdin: Uh, Genie, suppose we could find a little water?

Genie: (changes into Texas oilman) Don't you worry none, sonny. We'll have you a well drilled faster than an armadiller scampers across hot asphalt. (changes into a drill) Where there's a drill, there's a way. (drills into the ground until he hits something) Yeowch!

Aladdin: Uh, no underground spring?

Genie: (dizzy) Lots of underground. No spring.

Aladdin: Any chance of rain?

Genie: (changes into a weatherman and points to a weather map) Today's forecast for the tri-desert area: hot and dry. But, tomorrow we're in for a change of pace: dry and hot. By the way, happy 1201st birthday to the genie of the mason jar.

Jasmine: Hey, w-wait a second! Isn't that rain down there? (points to a raincloud in the corner of the map)

(Genie shrinks himself down and stands under the cloud, which almost strikes him with lightning and starts to rain. Genie pulls out an umbrella.)

Genie: Feels like rain to me. (sneezes)

Iago: Duh. Ever hear of a rainforest?

Jasmine: What's a ... rainforest?

Iago: A forest where it rains a lot. What? Do I need a translator?

Aladdin: If it rains so much there, they must have more than enough to water these trees.

Genie: Road trip! Excellent! (zaps himself, Aladdin, Jasmine, Abu, and Iago into tacky 80's outfits, then throws everyone onto Carpet) I'm riding shotgun! (they all fly away)

(Setting: In the rainforest.)

(Carpet flies through the trees.)

Aladdin: Wow! It's so ... green!

Jasmine: So lush!

Iago: So muggy! Look at this. My tailfeathers are chaffing.

(Abu swings by on a vine, does a flip, and lands in Aladdin's hands.)

Abu: Ta-da!

Iago: Oh, sure, the chump chimp likes it. (lands on Jasmine's arm) Feel my head. Is it kinda clammy?

Genie: That, my winged compadre, is just the beginning of your tropical getaway. (pulls out a brochure) Welcome to the secluded spot known to the locals as the Valley of Thundra.

Aladdin: The Valley of Thundra?

Genie: According to legend, all of the world's rain comes from this very valley.

Iago: Says who?

Genie: Uh... legendary-type guys.

Iago: Name one.

Genie: Uh... I don't know! It just says so in my "Welcome to the Rainforest" brochure!

Aladdin: We found the forest... so where's the rain?

Jasmine: Look! (points up to a rainbow spiraling around in the sky) Some kind of rainbow!

Genie: Like I say, "where there's a rainbow, there's rain". Or was that, "where there's smoke there's fire"? (scratches his head, and his finger catches on fire) Ow!

Iago: (blows out the fire) No, I think it was, "where there's a genie's brain there's space to rent".

(It starts to rain.)

Iago: Oh, perfect. I'm going to get pneumonia, and it is not going to be pretty.

Aladdin: Hey, c'mon, Iago. This feels great.

(Abu takes a shower in the water dripping off a leaf and chatters happily.

(The rain stops.)

Abu: Huh?

(The rainbow is again swirling around overhead.)

Aladdin: Somethin' weird's goin' on.

Jasmine: And it's going on up there.

(Carpet shakes himself off.)

Aladdin: Genie, let's have a look.

(In a puff of smoke Genie is wearing an elevator operator uniform and everyone is standing on Carpet, who rises slowly, like an elevator.)

Genie: Going up.

(Genie hums to himself; Aladdin yawns.)

Abu: (bored) Oh boy.

Genie: Hey, how about those Mighty Ducks, huh? I figure they got a shot at the playoffs for sure if they just -

(The carpet is now above the forest canopy.)

Genie: Oh, here we are! Treetop level. Sportswear, notions, and mysterious meteorological phenomena.

Jasmine: Uh, what happened to the rain?

Iago: Tropical climates are very unpredictable. That's why I moved to the desert. Better for my sinuses. Give me a nice dry -

(Jasmine grabs Iago and covers his beak.)

Jasmine: (whispers) Aladdin, do you hear something?

(There is a sound similar to wind.)

Aladdin: Definitely.

Genie: Oh, and it's getting closer.

Abu: Ooo...

(Iago sneaks up behind Abu.)

Iago: Boo!

(Abu jumps into the air and screams.)

Iago: Ha ha! What a sucker! It's just the wind, it -

(The rainbow flies right past Iago, who spins in the air, yelling, then falls. Aladdin catches him.)

Aladdin: Follow that rainbow!

(They fly off after it.)

Aladdin: It's getting away!

Genie: (wearing a pilot uniform and with his tail turned into a jet engine, pushing the carpet) Uh, negative. This is Tango-Foxtrot-Mambo. Pilot to copilot.

Abu: Uh oh.

Iago: You said it, monkey.

Genie: Prepare booster jets. Let's rock and roll. (The carpet speeds up.)

Aladdin: Genie! Stop! Slow down!

Genie: We have the bogey in our sights.

(The rainbow flies through the trees, and the carpet follows. The rainbow almost flies into a tree, then flies straight up back into the canopy.)

Genie: Huh. That's a good maneuver. Think we can do that?

(Abu shakes his head.)

Genie: I didn't think so.

(Everyone yells, the carpet stops suddenly, and everyone but Aladdin and Jasmine are thrown off.)

Jasmine: Iago, are you all right?

(Iago is smashed against a tree.)

Iago: Oh, sure. I feel fine - for a crash-test dummy.

Aladdin: Genie? Abu?

(There is a chattering sound and leaves fall from overhead. Pan up to Genie and Abu, wearing parachutes that are caught in a tree.)

Genie: Okay, ugh, okay. The bad news is I almost smashed us into the scenery. Good news is that I found the rain! (points up to a big black raincloud)

(Setting: The gang is up in the canopy a little while later. There are rainclouds all around.)

Aladdin: This is it! Wall to wall rainclouds!

(A little cloud floats over to Genie, who pats it.)

Genie: He he he. Cute little stinker.

(Abu scratches a hole in the cloud. Water starts to pour out, and he drinks it.)

Iago: Finally the monkey gets an idea. (he punches the cloud and nothing happens) What a rip. (he starts to fly away, and it strikes him with lightning)

(The clouds turn black and start to close in on them. They start to thunder, and the wind picks up.)

Aladdin: This doesn't look good!

Iago: Keen insight, O wise one.

Voice:  ¡Atencion, muchachos! I'm only going to say this once. I do not allow trespassing in my kingdom.

(A large, green, female bird flies out of the clouds. She is wearing a large golden crown and an amulet, and her wingtips and tail are all the colors of the rainbow.)

Genie: Ooh, ooh, Al! That thing! The flying rainbow thing! I think I figured out what it is!

Aladdin: (sarcastic) Thank you, Genie.

Bird: I am not a thing! (one of the clouds shapes itself into a throne, and she lands in it) I am Thundra the Rainbird, queen of the rainforest!

Iago: Get a load of that plumage. Think she missed a color?

Thundra: What was that, little giblet?

Iago: Giblet? Look, sister, I don't care if you're the queen of the Nile. No one calls me giblet!

(She raises her wings, and there is a flash of lightning behind her.)

Iago: Plain old "Gib" on the other hand is just fine, really.

Jasmine: (whispers) Uh, ideas?

Aladdin: (whispers) Hold on. (normal volume) Uh, we, uh... we're just passing through... Now, Carpet!

(Carpet flies away, and is almost hit by a bolt of lightning.)

Thundra: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not done with you yet.

(A giant cloud in the shape of a skull rises in front of them, and lightning shoots out of its mouth.)

Aladdin: Look out!

Iago: What's goin' on?!

Thundra: You're learning the first law of the jungle: don't mess with Thundra!

(A cloud shaped like a hand tries to grab them.)

Aladdin: I can't wait to hear the second law.

Thundra: Rule number two is my favorite: (laughs) trespassers will be prosecuted.

(Lightning strikes Genie, and everyone falls off Carpet.)

Genie: (to Iago and Carpet) I got the monkey. Where're the kids?

(They look down as they hear Aladdin and Jasmine screaming as they fall. Carpet dives down and catches them just as they fall through the canopy.)

Jasmine: (sighs) Thanks, Carpet.

Aladdin: Yeah, thanks.

Iago: Cut it a little closer next time!

Thundra: (leaning on a cloud near Iago) Okay, so maybe I overreacted.

Iago: Aah! It's her!

Thundra: Perhaps now that we're alone (purrs) perhaps we can get to know each other, si? (tickles his chin)

Iago: Not if I can help it, lady! (flies away into the trees)

Thundra: My Romero is playing hard to get, hmm? (her pupils turn into pink hearts) I like that in a bird.

(Setting: On the ground, a little while later.)

Jasmine: Listen, everybody, I agree with Iago. Thundra's dangerous.

Iago: Plus, she's an obnoxious, hot-tempered loudmouth.

Aladdin: Sounds like somebody I know.

(Abu laughs.)

Iago: He means me? I can't believe it! That's the most - ooh, that hurts!

Aladdin: Okay, okay... She did wink at you, though.

Jasmine: (giggles) I caught that, too.

Aladdin: I've got it! Iago pours on the charm, and Thundra downpours the rain!

Iago: I'd rather stick my beak in a meat slicer.

Aladdin: Abu, think Iago could do it?

(Abu thinks for a moment, then gives Iago a raspberry and a thumbs-down.)

Iago: Oh, yeah? I could have that rainbird wrapped around my pinky feather.

Aladdin: Great! Then you'll do it?

Iago: Just watch me, bub! (he flies off)

(Setting: Up in the clouds.)

(Thundra is flying past. Iago flies up to her.)

Iago: Thundra, my dear. Imagine bumping into you. Ha ha ha ha! So, uh, how about this weather, huh? (waggles his eyebrows)

(Setting: On the ground.)

Genie: Listening from the ground, with one ear turned into a satellite dish) Smooth opening line!

Jasmine: It's not right to toy with people's affections like this!

Aladdin: Iago's just putting a little romance in her life.

Jasmine: What he's doing is not romance.

Aladdin: But, Jasmine...

Abu: Oh...! (gets an idea, then runs off, picks a flower and brings it back)

Aladdin: I'm just trying to help Agrabah! (sees Abu and takes the flower) (whispers) Thanks, Abu.

Jasmine: Aladdin, it's just that - (turns around and sees the flower) It's beautiful!

(Aladdin and Abu smile at each other.)

Jasmine: Ahem! Surprise her with a flower, huh? Is this one of the tips you gave Iago?

Aladdin: Heh, heh, no...

Genie: That's a good one, though! You want me to suggest it to the bird? That'll rope her in for sure!

Jasmine: Huh!

Aladdin: Uh, no, Genie. I'm sure Iago will do just fine.

(Jasmine shakes her head.)

(Setting: In the clouds.)

(Iago is flying after Thundra, and is having trouble keeping up.)

Iago: (panting) You need all this rain for one rainforest?

(They reach a waterfall, with several clouds lined up next to it. They float underneath it one by one, filling with water.)

Thundra: Next!

(The cloud underneath the waterfall moves, and the next one takes its place.)

Thundra: My rain goes all over the world.

Iago: Oh, how fascinating. Are you sending any rain to - oh, I don't know - Agrabah?

(Thundra and Iago land on a cloud, and Thundra pulls a book out from under her wing.)

Thundra: Let's see. Hmm... "Acapulco - Hurricane", "Afghanistan - Drizzle", "Appaloosa - Downpour"... oops, too far. Ah. "Agrabah". (blows dust off the page, making Iago cough) A desert? (laughs) Oh, you have got to be kidding. I don't do deserts.

Iago: Not even for... me? (grins)

Thundra: (giggles; then is serious) No. I never mix business and pleasure. Rain is my business, (a lightning bolt shoots out of the cloud beneath them) you are my pleasure. (pulls Iago towards her and flutters her eyelashes at him)

Iago: Well, ya see, it's just that...

Thundra: You want rain so bad? You can stay here with me, forever.

(Genie's eye, on the end of a periscope rises up next to Iago and Thundra.)

Iago: Do you mind?! (kicks it)

(Genie's periscope eye lowers and changes back to normal.)

Genie: Love hurts!

Aladdin: While she's busy with Iago, we'll just have to borrow a raincloud.

Genie: Isn't that... stealing?

Aladdin: You can't steal weather. It belongs to everybody. Right, Jasmine?

Jasmine: What about Thundra?

Aladdin: Iago's...taking care of her.

Jasmine: That's what I'm talking about. You're just going to let him keep stringing her along?

(Genie and Aladdin look at each other, and both shrug.)

Aladdin: I have no problem with that. Genie, can you grab a cloud for us?

Genie: (changes into a cowboy, and spins his tail like a lasso) I reckon I could rustle one up. (flies off)

(Setting: On Thundra and Iago's cloud.)

Iago: Oh, Thundra, your wings are so, uh...feathery!

Thundra: Go on!

Genie: (flying a ways behind Thundra) Yee haw!

(Iago sees him, and runs closer to Thundra to distract her.)

Iago: My heart is a high pressure front, and the barometer's rising!

Thundra: Oh! Continue,  por favor! (she hugs him)

Genie: Yee haw! (throws his lasso tail at a raincloud, which starts to fly away) Aw, shucks. T'weren't nothin'. Oh! (the cloud drags him away)

Thundra: And? And?

(Genie lassos the cloud, and crashes into the waterfall.)

Thundra: What was that?

Iago: Did I mention your beak is so...large?

(She gives him an angry look.)

Iago: Yet proportionate! Uh... (kisses Thundra)

(Both have little hearts in their eyes.)

Iago: Wow!

Thundra:  ¡Si!

Iago: (hits his head, and the hearts go away) Must be the humidity.

(Setting: On the carpet.)

(Aladdin and Jasmine pull Genie's wet cowboy hat off his head.)

Jasmine: Let's just get Iago and go.

Aladdin: There's gotta be another way.

(Genie disappears, and a door appears on the carpet. Aladdin opens it. Genie, dressed as a door-to-door salesman with a vacuum, is on the other side.)

Genie: Good afternoon, sir or madam! Can I take just a moment for a brief demonstration? (starts to vacuum Carpet) What can this amazing contraption do for you and your simian cohort? The suck-o-matic! Works on those hard to get spots. (sucks up a cloud with the vacuum) How much would you pay for this modern marvel? Don't answer yet, because - (the vacuum sucks up Genie, then itself)

Aladdin and Jasmine: (looking around) He's gone!

Genie: (appears behind Aladdin) Somebody lose a contact lens?

Aladdin: Genie, where's the cloud?

(Genie shows them a jar with the cloud shrunk down inside of it.)

Aladdin: Okay, now we just have to pry Iago away from his dream date.

(Setting: In the clouds.)

Thundra: Tell me more, loverbird.

Iago: (nervously) I-I've said too much already.

(Genie appears next to the cloud.)

Genie: Well, kids, I hate to break up the party, but the magic carpet's leaving.

Thundra: Mi Romero, you cannot abandon me now!

Iago: If I'm not on that carpet I'll regret it. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but... Who am I kidding? I'll regret it in five seconds. I'm outta here!

(Genie carries Iago away.)

Thundra: (crying) Adios, my parakeet, my sweetbeak, my little giblet.

(There is a clap of thunder behind her.)

Thundra: (angrily) Now what?!

(The clouds lined up in front of the waterfall are bumping into each other, discharging bolts of lightning.)

Thundra: Straighten up that line! Ay carumba! I can't even take one afternoon off without... (gasps; angrily) Wait a minute... (notices a gap in the clouds, as if one is missing) Somebody took one of my clouds while... Giblet!

(Setting: Agrabah palace, the throne room.)

Genie: (digging through his pants) It's in here somewhere! (pulls out a swordfish)

Iago: I risk my life so you bozos can grab a cloud, and you lose it?!

Genie: Oh, it's gonna turn up, even if I have to turn myself inside out. (reaches through his belt, grabs his tail, and turns himself inside out; all kinds of things fall out, and land in a pile on top of Abu)

Aladdin: Abu! (starts to dig Abu out)

Genie: Wait, there's more.

(More stuff falls, burying Aladdin as well. Aladdin climbs out of the pile, but still has a toaster on his head.)

Jasmine: (laughingly) Serves you right! It wasn't nice to toy with Thundra that way.

Aladdin: Jas! Agrabah's entitled to rain as much as the next desert.

(Toast pops out of the toaster; Abu jumps up and steals it.)

Jasmine: (removing the toaster) I'm not talking about rain, I'm talking about love. (bats her eyelashes)

(Abu bats his eyelashes at Iago and chatters, teasing him.)

Iago: Oh, yeah, my heart's so achey-breaky here. (flies up and lands in the windowsill)

Genie: (holding the jar with the cloud) Oh, what do you know, it was in my other pair of pants! (holds up a red sash and a blue genie tail on a hanger)

Aladdin: All right! Give me the cloud!

Genie: Ta-da! (opens the jar; the cloud grows to its normal size, rises to the ceiling, and starts raining, thundering, and lightning)

Aladdin: (annoyed) I meant, give me the jar!

Genie: Why didn't you say so? Here. (hands Aladdin the empty jar)

Iago: (to himself) Oh, this is a good place for rain! Rain... it reminds me of... y'know, she wasn't so bad.

(Setting: Outside.)

(Giant black stormclouds appear on the horizon, being led by Thundra, heading towards Agrabah.)

Thundra: Come,  mi amigos! ¡Andale! Time for me to cook up an old flame.

(Setting: Back in the throne room.)

(Aladdin and Abu are trying to bail out the throne room.)

Aladdin: This isn't working!

(There is a thundering sound.)

Genie: That's a big noise for a little cloud...

Iago: (looking out the window) Aaah! Thundra! Hide me!

(Thundra is now over the city.)

Thundra: ...And don't stop until you reach that lying, twisted, obnoxious  cucaracha !

Genie: Iago, she remembers you...

Iago: (hiding in Genie's pile of junk) I never touched her clouds! (accusingly) Did I, Aladdin?

(Lightning strikes a hole in the ceiling.)

Iago: That's it! (flies away; a piece of the ceiling hits where he just was) I'm history! I'm roasted! (lands on Aladdin's shoulder) Does she seem a smidge perturbed to you?

(Thundra orders another bolt to strike the palace roof; the rubble falls down on the gang.)

Jasmine: Doesn't anyone but me get this?!

(Everyone else looks confused.)

Jasmine: Oooh! No matter what the species, men are men.

Aladdin: I should have listened to you, Jasmine. I was just trying -

Jasmine: I know, I know, but now you have to fix it.

Genie: (as a repairman) The ceiling? Can do, but I think we oughtta wait until she's done blasting it.

Aladdin: She means Thundra's feelings, Genie! Carpet, let's go!

(Carpet wrings himself out and flies to Aladdin.)

Iago: You're going up there? (jumps in the water) Great, I'll stay here.

(Aladdin climbs on Carpet and flies out the window.)

Iago: Uh, tell her I said "hi"...

(Setting: Above the palace.)

(Aladdin flies towards Thundra on Carpet.)

Aladdin: Queen Thundra!

Thundra: Where is he? I want the dirty bird that broke my heart!

Aladdin: It wasn't really his fault! I -

(Iago flies past Aladdin and Carpet.)

Aladdin: Huh?

(The wind blows Aladdin and Carpet back.)

Iago: Thundra! (gasps for breath) So, uh, what brings you to Agrabah?

Thundra: It's open season on gigolos!

Iago: I-I have excuses!

Thundra: Good ones?

Iago: (flies right up to Thundra's face) I'll let you be the judge.

(Black clouds start to surround Iago.)

Iago: Uh, the reason I left, see, is I had this, mmm... lotto ticket! Yes, yeah, yeah. You're familiar with the Agrabah Big Spin?

(Iago is struck by lightning.)

Iago: Okay, okay. That romantic stuff I was feeding you before was baloney. And I feel guilty. Ya happy? I never felt guilty about anything in my life. I'm...I'm sorry.

Thundra: (happier) What about the kiss?

Iago: That? That was ... kinda fun. I mean, if you go for that sort of thing.

Thundra: Giblet! (hugs Iago) (to the clouds) Back off, amigos! Show's over!

(The clouds float away and change from black to white, including the one in the palace, which squeezes out of the hole in the roof.)

Iago: Ya hungry, Thundra? I know this quaint little bistro...

(Both birds land on the palace roof. Aladdin and Carpet are watching them.)

Thundra: Alas, a rainbird's work is never done. I must go. But you know where to find me, big boy! (hugs Iago, crushing him, then sets him down.)

Iago: (gasps) And I'll be right here, in traction.

(Thundra flies away, her rainbow tail leaving a rainbow over Agrabah.)

(Iago sees Aladdin and Carpet watching him. Aladdin is grinning.)

Iago: If anybody, ANYBODY hears about this mushy stuff -

Aladdin: (shuts Iago's beak) Your secret's safe with me.

Genie: (offscreen) So, guys, who's up for a pool party?

(They look through the hole in the roof to see Genie floating in the flooded throne room in an innertube.)

Aladdin: Sorry, Genie. Somebody needs that water.

(Setting: Outside of Agrabah, the fig orchard.)

(Aladdin, Jasmine, Iago, and the boy are there. There is a rumbling sound from underground.)

Aladdin: (to the boy) Okay, close your eyes!

(The boy covers his eyes. Genie, as a giant drill, tunnels out from under the ground.)

Genie: (dizzily) Funny how far away the palace seems when you're burrowing through the bedrock.

(Iago and Abu look into the hole.)

Iago: Ah, there's nothing in there -

(Water starts shooting out of the hole, hitting Iago and holding him up. Abu chatters happily.)

Aladdin and Jasmine: (uncovering the boy's eyes) Surprise!

Boy: Water! (runs over to the fountain)

Iago: (still bouncing on top of the fountain) No, no need to thank me, kid. My pleasure. Need anything else? 'Cause, ya know, this operation was a cakewalk.