The Apartment (Full House)


 * Kimmy: [as she reads the number to Steve's apartment to Danny] Okay. 555-6410.
 * Danny: Okay. Thank you.
 * Kimmy: But don't bother calling her.
 * Danny: Why not?
 * Kimmy: Steve's phone isn't hooked up yet.
 * Danny [yells through the phone]: Gibbler! I want it right away. Just hurry up!
 * Kimmy: Wait! I think I have his address somewhere. Hang on! [searches her drawers to find Steve's address]
 * Danny: [through the phone] ...I'll talk to your parents, and I'll have you grounded. I don't care if you're not my kid. Get me that address right now!


 * Steve: [to D.J.] We can finally be alone without your father barging in, or your sisters, or your uncle, or your dog... you know, you have a lot of people living in that house.


 * D.J.: Dad, I'm so sorry. We were watching a movie and we fell asleep. It will never happen again.
 * Danny: You're right. It will never happen again because you're not allowed here anymore. This place is off-limits from now on.
 * D.J.: Dad, that's totally unfair!
 * Danny: 'Totally unfair'?! You want to know it's totally fair?! A parent who stays up half the night worrying his daughter! That's unfair!
 * D.J.: Dad, you're blowing this way outta proportion!
 * Danny: 'Way outta proportion'?! You see a SWAT team with me?! You see helicopters circling the building?! You see the Bat-signal out there?! I don't!
 * D.J.: Okay! Okay, Dad! I said I was sorry!
 * Danny: And I said let's go.
 * [He heads out and waits for her. As she heads towards the door, she sadly turns and waves goodbye to her boyfriend, before she and her dad head home.]

[Steve arrives at the Tanner house.]


 * Steve: Hey, guys. How's it going? [But the looks on the grown-ups' faces suggest he's getting anything but a warm reception.] We fell asleep! I'm gonna go talk to D.J. [And he heads in to do just that.]


 * Danny: OK, I'd say it's time for my pre-midday spot-mop dust-cleaning.


 * Becky: You're not gonna eavesdrop on them, are you?


 * Danny: Of course not. I'm gonna watch them like a hawk.


 * Jesse: I haven't figured it out yet, but I know this is all your fault. You know how much it's gonna take to rent this truck for another three days?


 * Joey: Well no, not yet. But let's crunch some numbers. [He removes his calculator watch, and Jesse quickly snatches it out of his hand.]


 * Jesse: I'll crunch some numbers! [He tosses the watch into the chute.]


 * Joey: My watch!


 * Jesse: And we gotta run the mixer or the cement won't harden. Give me the keys. [He goes in the truck and starts it up, as Joey tries to meditate...]


 * Joey: [shouting over the loud sound of the cement mixer] Oh, yeah! I'm a bird! I'm a bird soaring through a quiet meadow!

[Michelle comes upstairs just as Stephanie emerges from the bathroom.]
 * Michelle: Stephanie! I found a new hobby! You wanna see?
 * Stephanie: Sure, why not? [They enter their room, and she can't believe what she sees: piles of leaves all over, even on both beds.]
 * Michelle: I'm collecting leaves.
 * Stephanie: What are you, nuts?!
 * Michelle: This is just from the back yard. I still have the front yard to do.
 * Stephanie: Look at this! It's all over my stuff! [She sweeps some off her bed.]
 * Michelle: Hey! Those are the ones with the little bugs on them!
 * Stephanie: Bugs?! That's it. [She picks up a bag with leaves in it and declares...] Dumb hobby comin' down! [...and drops the bag out the window.]
 * Michelle: Oh, yeah? [In response...she throws something out.]
 * Stephanie: That was my shoe!
 * Michelle: [and then tosses something else out] And that was the other shoe.
 * Stephanie: OK, fine. Fine, here's Mr. Piggly Wiggly!... [They keep throwing each other's belongings out the window.]

[D.J. and Steve are in her room when they hear outside the door...]
 * D.J.: I don't believe it! Here he comes again!
 * [The door opens, and Danny comes in vacuuming.]
 * Danny: Oh, you're in here.
 * Steve: He's Hoovered us out of every room in the house.
 * Danny: Don't mind me. Excuse me. [They move their feet up.] Thanks.
 * D.J.: Dad, I really need to talk to Steve.
 * Danny: Oh, go ahead and talk. I'm just counting down to the next bag change.
 * D.J.: Well, don't let us bother you.
 * [They leave.]
 * Danny: D.J.! [It's too late. They're already gone.]

[Michelle and Stephanie are arguing about the leaves in their room when Danny breaks up the fight.]
 * Danny: Girls. Girls. Girls! Hello! [They stop.] I am not in the mood for this, alright? First, you're gonna rake up the leaves, and then you're gonna rake up the bears, and then you're gonna kiss, and you're gonna hug, and you're gonna apologize because you're sisters and you love each other. OK? Case closed. Thanks. [He leaves.]
 * Stephanie: Boy, he really streamlined that dad talk.
 * Michelle: Yeah, we got off pretty easy.
 * Danny: [yells as he opens their door and finds their room with leaves in it] Look at the mess in here!
 * Michelle: Maybe not.

[D.J. and Steve's preoccupied kissing in the cab of the cement truck causes her foot to accidentally hit a lever that makes the chute turn into the kitchen window and cement to pour onto the floor. And Joey is preoccupied listening to his meditation tape and repeating what it says.]


 * Joey: I am at peace.
 * [Danny and Jesse come down the back stairway.]
 * Danny: Man. What a mess up there, Jess. Is there anything worse than ground leaves in a carpet?
 * Jesse: [sees cement pouring into the kitchen while Joey is still meditating]: Yep.
 * Danny [yells]: My kitchen! Joey, do something! [to Jesse] I'll try to keep it from spreading, you catch it off the chute!
 * [Jesse tries to catch the cement in his hands, but to no avail, then he tries to do it with his shirt.]
 * Danny: Not your shirt! Get a bowl! Get a bowl!
 * Jesse: A bowl. All right.
 * Danny: Oh, no!
 * [Jesse picks up a china bowl from the table and dumps all the fruits]
 * Jesse: Here! I got a bowl! I got a bowl!
 * Danny: No, no, no, not that bowl, that's my fine china!
 * [Jesse throws the bowl back to Danny, runs to the fridge, grabs a bigger and clear bowl from the top, and runs back to Danny.]
 * Danny: No!! No, not that one! Not that bowl! My mother gave me that!
 * [Jesse throws the bowl back to Danny, again.]
 * Danny: Oh, Jesse!
 * [Jesse grabs a big wooden drawer.]
 * Jesse: How 'bout this drawer? Do you have any emotional attachment to the drawer?
 * Danny: No, I mean, I like it, but...
 * [Jesse empties the drawer and catches the cascading cement in it.]


 * Danny: I don't know if you noticed, but I was kind of following you around with the vacuum cleaner today.


 * D.J.: I thought that was you.


 * Danny: Yeah. Well, I, uh... I didn't really respect your privacy, so in a way, I think I kind of forced you and Steve into that cement truck. What I really wanted to do was just talk to you about what I was feeling last night at Steve's apartment.


 * D.J.: Dad, I knew what you were feeling. Steve's whole building knew what you were feeling.
 * Danny: Maybe I overreacted just a tad, huh?


 * D.J.: Dad, I tried to explain to you, but you wouldn't listen to me. You were treating me like I was a little kid again.
 * Danny: [sitting with her on her bed] I know, I know. I'm... I'm really sorry, Deej. I just kept thinking about Kathy Santoni, a girl your age, having a baby. And then I saw you and Steve on the couch.
 * D.J.: You saw us?
 * Danny: Well, briefly... until the chair gave out.


 * [After Danny and D.J. finish their calmer-heads-prevailing heart-to-heart...]
 * D.J.: Steve's landlord says you owe him 30 bucks for that chair you broke [when he stood on it to spy on her].
 * Danny: What?! That piece of junk?!


 * [In the closing-credits scene, Jesse is chiseling the cement that Joey's feet are stuck in.]
 * Jesse: Don't move.
 * Joey: 'Don't move'?! Where the heck am I going?
 * Jesse: Hey, look at this. I found something. [And that 'something' is...]
 * Joey: My watch! ... It still works.