Tip of the Day

(Scene opens up panning right, showing the back of the Flynn-Fletcher house.)

Lawrence: Ah, yes. The Daily Crossword puzzle. Today's theme: Tip of the Day. 1, across; The metal tip of an umbrella. Let's see... uh, honey?

Linda: The Ferrule.

Lawrence: Yes, of course. 2, across; Uh, the tip on the elbow. Honey?

Linda: The olecranon.

Lawrence: I thought so. Yes, easy-peasy, that one. Next, the tip of the shoelace. Yes, yes, that little hard tip at the end of a shoelace is... Honey?

Linda: I don't know.

Lawrence: You don't know?

Candace: Ugh! It's like living with a bunch of monkeys! Just look it up on the computer!

Phineas: But isn't it weird none of us know it's name?

Candace: No, that's why they make smart word box for tell monkey hard brain hurty things.

Phineas: Removing prepositions makes it more condescending.

Candace: Wow. 20 people emailed me the same video. I gotta check this out.

(Techno music starts; Man grunting)

Candace: (Laughs) That is so humiliating. I have to send this to Jeremy, Jenny, The Track Team, Chicago Joe-

Phineas: So, uh, Candace? Smart word box find name shoelace tip?

Phineas/Ferb: (Imitates sizzling)

Candace: Ugh. Could you wait? I'm dealing with something that matters here. Ugh! The internet crashed!

Phineas: I know. Baljeet! This kinda stuff is right up his alley.

Baljeet: Useless Shoelace Facts, Volume 8. "The plastic or metal tip on the end of a shoelace is called an... aglet. A-G-L-E-T. It is one of the most useful, yet tragically ignored inventions in all of history".

Phineas: Gosh, Ferb. That seems like a great injustice, huh. (At Baljeet) Oh well, thanks Baljeet.

Lawrence: Okay. A-G-L-E-T. Brilliant!

Linda: Oh, hi boys.

Phineas: Aglet, Mom.

Linda: Aglet you too, Phineas.

Phineas: No, Mom. The shoelace tip - It's an aglet.

Linda: How interesting!

Phineas: Yeah! Nobody seems to know the word. I wonder why?

Candace: I'll tell you why! Because...it doesn't matter! You can live a long, happy life without knowing the tip of the shoelace is called a...

Phineas: Aglet --

Candace: It doesn't matter!

Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!

Lawrence: Oh, look at this, honey. 27, across, 5 letters; "Where's blank?"

(Cut to Agent P in his lair)

Major Monogram: Agent P, Doofenshmirtz has crippled the entire worldwide internet by spreading a so-called viral video over the whole planet. Watch carefully, Agent P. What you're about to see may be the masterstroke of an evil genius which distracted us with smaller schemes while secretly moving us into checkmate.

(Video/Techno music starts)

Doofenshmirtz: I am a superstar! (Grunting, falls into toilet) (Toilet flushes) It won't stop flushing!

(Agent P grins)

Major Monogram: Agent P, this is no laughing matter. We need you to find out what he's up to and stop him. Behind you, rising dramatically from the floor, is a new, high-tech device. It's called a Universal Delete Button. It can delete any file on the internet from every computer on the planet.

Carl: (Laughs) "It won't stop flushing!"

Major Monogram: Carl, I told you. There's nothing funny about a man in his underwear skating into a toilet.

Carl: Of course, sir.

Major Monogram: Now, limericks. Limericks are funny.

(Cut to the backyard)

Phineas: The reason we called you all here today is to raise awareness for the aglet.

Isabella: What's an aglet?

Phineas: Ferb, enlighten us.

(Lyrical music)

Ferb: (Pulls down a chart)

Phineas: The aglet.

Isabella: Oh, that's what it's called!

Phineas: Our goal is to bring the plight of the aglet to the world's attention. First, we'll use these shoelaces to make Aglet Awareness Ribbons. (French accent) Never forget the aglet!

Baljeet: You are going to waste a whole day promoting aglets? Who is going to care?

Buford: If you diss aglets one more time, I'll fray your head so bad, it won't fit through your shirt hole!

Baljeet: Aglets. Yay.

(Upbeat theme starts)

Phineas: Hey, Candace. The more you know about aglets, the better your life's gonna be.

Candace: No one's life will be made better knowing the whatever-you-call-it! (Walks off)

Phineas: (whispers) Aglet.

Man: (Walks up to them) Excuse me, what did you say?

Phineas: Aglet. It's that little plastic tip at the end of a shoelace.

Man: Aglet?

Girl: (Off screen) Aglet?! (Runs up) Oh, Louis, I will marry you!

Louis: Aglet.

Boss: (Runs up) The promotion's yours!

Louis: Aglet. (Poof) My hair's grown back!

Man #2: W-what's going on?

Louis: The shoelace tip! It's an aglet!

Man #2: (Gasps) I can hear!

Phineas: Well, It seems to be working. Let's take it to the next level.

(Cut to Candace and Stacy in a store)

Stacy: Oh, oh! And the part when the guy rollerskated into the toilet! (Laughs)

Candace: Oh, that was sort of the only part, but yeah, I was dying!

Stacy: And everyone in the world saw that video.

Candace: I wish there was a viral video of me singing going around the world.

Stacy: I bet you'd become an instant star.

Candace: Yeah. An instant star.

Stacy: Yeah. You'd be bigger than aglets. (Reveals a ribbon on her finger)

(Record needle scratch)

Candace: Wait, what? Why do you know that word?

Stacy: Aglets are so in right now. Look.

Candace: (Screams)

Jeremy: Hey, guys. I, uh, just wanted to come with me. (Shows his ribbon) To the big aglet concert.

Candace: (Screams)

Major Monogram: (On radio) Agent P, your halo jump is a go. Go, go, go! Jump, and fall! Keep falling, and keep being a platypus! Visualize it, you're a falling plat- (Perry turns off radio)

(Harp strumming, hissing; Suspenseful music)

Doofenshmirtz: Did you ever had an old box of junk that's been sitting in the attic forever, and you think: "I bet I could just get rid of this whole box, and my life would go on completely unaffected of the loss of whatever would be inside like, for instance, an old forgotten video tape made in high school". Look in the box, Perry the Platypus. Always. Look. In. The box.

(Cut to the Flynn-Fletcher house)

Candace: Moooooooooooom!

Linda: Candace? What's wrong?

Candace: Phineas and Ferb are increasing public awareness of the shoelace tip thing!

Linda: Who knew people would get so worked up over aglets? (Reveals her fingers have ribbons tied on)

(Horror theme)

Candace: NOO! (Runs to room, slams door; Knocking)

Phineas: (Muffled) Hey, Candace! Aren't you gonna come sing at the big aglet concert?

Candace: You may have infected everyone else with shoelace tip madness, but not me! They don't matter!

Phineas: Bummer. It's gonna be broadcast all over the world. You could become an instant star.

Candace: Okay, but they still don't matter!

Phineas: Uh, touché?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, this video is ruining my life, Perry the Platypus. I- I can't even go outside my own evil lair.

Man #3: Hey, look! It's that idiot from the video! (Laughing)

Man #4: (Laughing)

Doofenshmirtz: And that's just my kitchen. What's this? (Gasps) A Universal Delete Button? Thank you, Perry the Platypus. (Light trap appears) Sorry, but deleting the video from every computer in the world isn't good enough. I have to erase it from people's minds too. Behold! The Read My Mind-inator! You see, whatever I think of appears on this screen in front. See? See? If I just hook it up to your Universal Delete Button like this... Violà! Whatever I think of, I can push this button and delete it from every mind in the Tri-State Area!

(Song: A-G-L-E-T)

(Crowd cheering)

Phineas: Through the eye of the needle

Time to loosen your tongue

Got a tip how to make ends meet

All: A-G-L-E-T

Don't forget it

Phineas: Get's us all up on our feet, yeah, yeah, yeah

All: A-G-L-E-T

(Aglet!) Don't forget it (X6)

Phineas: We're gonna tie the world together (X4)

One word at a time!

(Guitar)

Phineas: (On P.A) Ladies and Gentlemen, my sister, Candace Flynn!

Candace: And in the end of most important thing

Is that we never forget

The end of a shoelace is called the...

The... uh... (Looks at the ribbon on her finger) Wait a minute! It doesn't matter! I can't believe I was almost sucked into this!

Phineas: I can't believe you still haven't learned the word. I mean, we spelled it a bunch of times in the song.

Man #5: Sing more songs about aglets.

Woman: Yeah. Aglets are important.

Doofenshmirtz: Now, Perry the Platypus, when I press this button, whatever I'm thinking about, whatever is on this screen right here, will be erased from every mind in the Tri-State Area. Because again, to make myself perfectly clear, when I- When I press this delete button right here, whatever I'm thinking of, which will be displayed on this screen, will be deleted from every computer and- and every mind in the entire Tri-State Area. And, uh, not to find a point on it, but people who haven't seen, or- or don't remember my video will be completely unaffected. So, you know, I'm not doing any real harm. You understand, right? Good. (Trips) Oh. Oh well, that kind of, killed the moment, didn't it? Oh, shoot. My- my shoelace is all frayed. I- I'm going to have to replace the aglet. I-I always keep extras in hand. Just- just a few. Anyway, here's mud in your eye! (Laughs maniacally)

(Sign beeps)

Woman: Boo!

Candace: It! Doesn't! Matter!

(Electricity zapping)

People: 'What's going on?/What are we doing here?

Candace: Exactly! This whole thing is a pointless and stupid celebration of the fact that the shoelace tip is called, you know! What's it's!

Woman: Who cares?

Man #5: Yeah. I wear loafers.

Candace: What do you mean "Who cares?" lame-o? That's what this is all about! The name of the shoelace is the...

Man: Who cares?

Woman: Yeah! Let's get out of here!

Candace: Wait! Come back! (Stammers)

Phineas: I'm sorry, Candace. But I'm pretty sure you're the only one who cares about shoelaces here.

Candace: But-but-but-

(Cut back to D.E.I.)

Doofenshmirtz: Now I can release you and it doesn't matter. The entire world has forgotten that humiliating video of me on roller skates. And I won't be needing this anymore! (Throws the Delete From My Mind-inator on the floor, breaking it) I'm free!

Man #3: Look! It's that idiot from the video again! (Laughs)

Man #4: Let's use mockery to keep him inside!

Doofenshmirtz: I have an ouchie. In here.

End credits
(Song: A-G-L-E-T)

Phineas: Too much information

But keep your eye on the ball

We're gonna drive it hard through the hole, yeah

All: A-G-L-E-T, don't forget it

Phineas: Brings us closer to our sole, yeah!

All: A-G-L-E-T

(Aglet!) Don't forget it

Phineas: We're gonna tie the world together

One word at a time!

Candace: It doesn't matter!