Jessie Goes to Hollywood

I'm going back to sleep.

You haven't even done the dishes.

That one's done.

Okay, looks like I'm going out for breakfast.

Who's with me?

I thought you had an early audition.

Ah! That was yesterday.

For the role of a pathetic, struggling actress who can't catch a break.

That sounds supes perfect for you!

Hmm. You would think, but the director said I was "too real" and it made him "too sad."

Hey, guys!

(All exclaim) (Screams)

Come here!

Aw, I missed you.

(Cell phone ringing)

So sorry! So sorry! So sorry!

Bonnie, not now, I'm home with my kids.

No, you're meeting the Tokyo investors in Chicago.

Okay, sayonara.

It's Japanese, Bonnie. Get a translation app.

All right, I brought presents!

(All cheering)

A country music CD for Emma, a glitter gun for Zuri, a model crocodile for Luke, and a basketball for Ravi!

Guys, what do you say?

Just what I wanted! Yay!

You really should not have. Not re-gifting this!

Yes!

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie ♪ ♪ It feels like a party every day ♪ ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie ♪ ♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way ♪ ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie ♪ ♪ My whole world is changing Turning around ♪ ♪ They got me going crazy ♪ ♪ Yeah, they're shaking the ground ♪ ♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town ♪ ♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down ♪ ♪ Hey Jessie ♪ ♪ Hey Jessie ♪ ♪ It feels like a party every day ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪

(Gasps)

Mom!

How did you get the new Tournament of Scepters book?

Oh, it's an advance copy.

Your dad and I are producing a movie of the first book!

Wait! You are producing Tournament of Scepters?

Have you met the novelist, Mr. Robert R.J. Roberts?

Yeah, of course.

He's directing it! He even signed the book.

(Gasps)

Oh, my gosh!

He signed it in Cumykian blood!

(Both exclaiming)

I must read this cover to cover at once!

Give me that! Me first!

You, guys!

I have another copy.

I mean, I don't think he signed it, but he may have sneezed on it.

Dibs!

Are you guys geeking out about that "Nerdfest of Scepters" garbage again?

It involves reading.

Therefore, you would not understand.

I understand that every fan of those books is gonna die alone.

And get eaten by their cats.

Or a lizard.

So, are you sure your science teacher's okay with you doing the same project for the science fair that Emma did four years ago?

Yep, he's not big on changing things up.

He's had the same haircut since 1985.

(Chuckles)

Jessie, I can help Zuri with this.

Why don't you take a break?

Okay. Yeah, sure.

Oof, what to do with the free time?

Oh, I could call my agent, see if his phone still works.

Mom, this is so cool!

Are you sure you have time to help?

Of course I do, sweetie. I'm all yours.

So, my plan is to make each ball a planet in the solar system.

That's interesting, but I'm thinking bigger.

One word. Lasers!

And we get people to play the planets, and we'll set them up...

(Chuckles) Mom, mom!

I don't want you to pay people to be in my project.

Oh, honey, we don't pay them.

They're interns.

If you don't mind, Mom, I think I'm just gonna have Jessie help me.

Oh, sure, sweetie.

Whatever you want.

It's just that you're a visionary CEO, and this has to look like a fifth grader did it, which is kinda what Jessie's good at.

No offense. None taken.

When I first got here, I was crafting at a kindergarten level.

I once glued my finger to my eye.

Ow! Oh...

So, Christina wants quality time with the kids, but they keep coming to me for everything.

It's so awkward.

You think you've got work troubles?

Chesterfield's got a new plan for the lobby.

It's the two most terrifying words in the English language...

"Reusable diapers?"

No. "Automatic doors."

Beats revolving doors.

At Christmas time, those things are spinning glass coffins.

(Elevator bell dings)

Jessie, I need your help!

Mom is making me a grilled cheese!

What's wrong with that?

She's using cheddar!

What? But you've hated cheddar ever since the Quesadilla Catastrophe of 2012.

I know! That's when I switched to Swiss.

I need those holes!

(Snoring)

Christina: Bertram? Huh! Huh!

Napping... I mean, mopping, madam.

I need to talk to you about the kids.

Oh, the children!

I take such delight in their daily antics.

I especially love that little Roddy.

You mean, Ravi?

Of course.

I have nicknames for them.

Well, I've been trying to bond with them, but it's hard.

They spend so much time with Jessie.

It's like they rely on her for everything.

Well, the only time Jessie isn't around is when she gets an acting job.

So, she's pretty much always around.

Really?

I can't believe Sylvan Skyslayer was eaten by the Wolf King of Cavernia!

What? Sylvan Skyslayer is dead?

Then who's gonna take his seat at the Fire Council?

Wait.

You read the books?

You read?

Why would you judge us for being fans, when you were secretly a fan yourself?

Isn't it obvious?

I don't want people to think about me the way I think about you two.

(Arguing indistinctly)

Luke: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Luke, are you still making fun of them for reading the Tournament of Scepters?

It turns out he's a Tournamaniac too!

Really? (Scoffs) What a dork.

Guess what? I just got Jessie a part in the Tournament of Scepters movie!

What?

Hey, how did you manage that?

I just showed the director your acting reel.

And he liked it?

No. Oh...

But I'm a producer, so I insisted.

Works for me!

The shoot is in L.A.

And you leave tomorrow for two weeks.

Have fun! (Chuckles)

And it goes without saying, this counts as your vacation.

Yeah, I figured.

Uh, hi, Jessie Prescott.

So excited to meet you, Mr. Roberts!

Why are you making eye contact with me?

Uh, oh, because I just have one tiny question on the script.

How do you pronounce these three pages?

I can't believe you don't speak the language of the Bat Warriors!

Have you even read the pronunciation index in book one?

Uh, actually, since this job came up so fast, I haven't read any of the books.

(All gasp)

Well, I wanted to read the first book on the plane, but it was too big to be a carry-on.

Hey, why is Saturn the only planet with a ring?

Mmm, I don't know.

Maybe the other planets' boyfriends are afraid of commitment.

(Laughing)

(Cell phone ringing)

Oh... (Sighs)

What now, Bonnie?

Oh, well, I guess we can say sayonara to that deal.

(Phone beeps) What was that about?

Uh, it's just...

If I'm not in Chicago tonight, then the deal might fall through and I could lose one or two hundred...

Million.

Anyway, hand me Venus.

Mom, if you have to go, you should go.

After all, with $200 million you could buy me a real planet.

(Chuckles) Really?

Really.

Oh, thank you, sweetie.

And I promise I'll be back in time to help.

Now, finish your grilled cheese.

I made it extra cheddar-y.

Finished it!

Mmm, yum...

Emma, can I talk to you?

Emma: Not now!

Thanks a lot.

(Sighs)

We're recreating the betrayal of the nocturnal order at Fang Mountain.

Okay.

Remind me to laugh at this later.

But right now I need your help with my solar system.

Oh, I did that project three years ago.

All I remember is that there are 15 planets.

Eight.

So she was off by five.

Seven.

Okay, I definitely need Jessie.

Mom is leaving on business, and I know she means well, but I also know she won't be back in time.

Meanwhile, that lucky Jessie gets to be on the set of Tournament of Scepters.

I know, I'm supes jelly!

Hey, are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?

Let's fly to L.A.

Chili cook-off!

I mean, fly to L.A. (Chuckles)

Bertram, while I'm in Chicago, could you please wash all the windows?

Yes, madam.

And make sure you do the outsides as well.

The window washers always leave streaks.

Do you still have your harness?

Yes, madam. And one more thing.

I can't do this anymore! (Sobbing)

I've been living a lie!

The truth is...

(Grunts)

I'm lazy!

(Sighs)

Ah! It feels so good to be me again!

(Chuckles)

Ah! Oh! Cheddar!

Mmm...

(Chuckles)

Don't judge me.

Bertram, do you think I don't know that you're lazy?

In 10 years of working here, you've only gone through one sponge.

I can't just toss Spongey away, Moppsy would get mopey.

Bertram, we keep you around because the kids and I love you.

Thank you, madam. Or should I say, Christy?

Don't push it.

Sorry.

Now, before you go back into hibernation, please tell the pilot that I'm on my way to the airport.

Yeah, about that. The kids took the jet to L.A. about an hour ago.

What? All by themselves? Why?

I think they said something about Zuri needing Jessie's help on her project, but I'm not sure. If I paid attention to everything they said, I'd never get a nap in.

But I promised Zuri that I'd be back to help her with that.

Um... Permission to speak freely?

Why not? You're already in your jammies.

Well, it's just...

It wouldn't be the first time you promised the kids you'd be there, and then you weren't.

Okay, look, I know that I work a lot, but I want the kids to have everything they want.

The penthouse, the jet, the ice-skating rink upstairs...

Yeah. Thanks for that. Now I have to learn how to drive a Zamboni.

Look, as much as the kids appreciate all those things, I think the thing they want most of all is their mother.

Well, maybe you're right.

Bertram, why didn't you tell me the kids were gone sooner?

I was going to, but then I fell asleep in a closet.

I really hope he yells action before all the blood rushes to our heads and we pass out, am I right, Lenny?

Lenny?

Action!

Today, we bring their empire down!

(Gasps)

Cut!

(All exclaim)

Whoa, Jessie's dressed as a Bat Warrior!

I had a dream just like this!

Creep on your own time.

We can't go in there, it's a closed set.

If we wish to see anything, we need to find a place with a better view.

(Gasps) How about up there?

I was thinking more like standing on your shoulders, but that would work.

Ravi: That was a challenging hike.

I've developed three unique rashes from the poisonous vegetation.

And that curly fence bit me!

Oh, that was razor wire.

Awesome! (Chuckles)

(Gasps) I can't believe we're about to witness the Battle of Fang Mountain!

Um, uh, Luke, may I borrow your field glasses for a moment?

No. I'm scoping a cute Machete Maiden.

Um, I did not climb this cursed consonant for nothing!

Give me those!

Whoa! Hey!

Give that back! No!

(Screams)

Oh, my God! (Screams)

On the bright side, if we tumble down the jagged mountain, we might get to meet Robert R.J. Roberts.

Yes. Maybe he can tell us how the final book will end before we bleed out.

(All screaming)

Help!

See you at the wrap party, Lenny.

Miss Prescott, I did not abstain from sunlight, and shield myself from all human touch for five years writing this book, just so you could pronounce "Cumykian" as if it had no umlauts whatsoever!

Shh! Maybe it's my bat ears, but I think I hear my kids calling for help.

So, you're hearing voices now?

Actors!

That's definitely them!

They must be in trouble. I need to find them!

All that's out there are deer ticks and unemployment.

Look, sir, this job means everything to me.

I've been waiting for this break my whole life.

But if those are my kids, I have to help them.

If you walk out now, you're fired!

(Screaming in distance)

(Sighs) Then I guess I'm fired.

Jessie, where are my children?

So, they are here.

Help! Jessie!

Holy Hollywood! They're on the "H!"

(Screaming continues)

And they're about to fall! Oh!

Jessie, help me!

Someone help them!

I've got it! A blue dragon swoops in, whisking them to safety on its armored wings!

Yeah, this is real life.

Then I got nothin'.

I have to save them.

(Gasps) Jessie's going to save us!

Or she's really mad at us for interrupting her scene.

Luke: I got it.

Hurry!

Um, does this sort of thing happen a lot when I'm not around?

Oh, hardly at all.

Maybe once, twice a week.

Jessie, thank the gods!

You're all gonna be okay. Nobody move.

(All screaming)

Scratch that, we have to move fast!

(Wailing) What do we do?

I don't want to die!

Nobody's gonna die.

We're all just going to take a fun ride down this zip line.

Now, you need something to hold onto so you don't burn your hands.

Everyone take off your socks.

Not you, Luke.

Yeah, if he takes his socks off, we'll all be dead before we hit the ground.

Okay, Zuri, you're first.

Come here. Got you.

Jessie, I'm really scared.

You're okay. Just close your eyes, and pretend you're holding onto Blake Shelton.

Okay?

Zuri: I've got you, Blake!

Ravi: Too fast, too fast, too fast. Much too fast!

Oh! My babies are safe!

(Applause)

Jessie, how can I ever thank you?

Make this a paid vacation?

(Loud crash)

Congratulations, guys. You broke Hollywood.

Miss Prescott, that was breathtaking!

You are exactly what I'm looking for.

Maternal, yet fierce.

An earth mother who can also kick butt.

Okay. (Chuckles)

Men in Los Angeles have oddly specific taste in women.

No, I mean I'm about to shoot a new TV show out here about a nanny by day, superhero by night.

And I'm plucking you from obscurity to play the starring role!

(Gasps) What?

Are you serious?

Does a Wolf Walker hallucinate when it rains?

I...

Yes. Oh, yeah!

I can't believe this is happening!

Jessie, we're so happy for you! (Chuckles)

Wait.

But that means I wouldn't be able to be your nanny anymore.

We know, and we'll really miss you.

But this is your dream.

And we don't want to get in the way of it coming true.

After everything you have done for us, this is our chance to do something for you.

Christina?

I've been doing a lot of thinking.

And I really want to be there for you guys.

So, from now on, I'm going to be a stay-at-home mom.

You are? Really?

Yeah. I'll be there every morning when you wake up, and every afternoon after school.

Or, in Luke's case, detention.

I'm a real handful. (Chuckles)

Don't worry, Jessie. We'll be okay.

(Sighs)

I love you guys so much.

Okay, I'll do it.

"Ollywood," here I come!

Uh, Mr. Robert R.J. Roberts, sir, since we are here, will you please tell us how the final book will end?

Forgive me, my devoted disciples, but that would be a betrayal not only of my other fans, but of literature itself.

We're cool with that.

Here's what should happen...

Moira Machete defeats the Walkers and claims the scepter!

Then again, I'm a huge Machete-head.

No!

Sylvan should rise from the dead, mate with the Empress of the Wolf Walkers, and father a new race of Sky-wolves.

Their mutant offspring would be invincible!

(Chuckles)

Wow, this stuff sounds great!

I was just going to say it was all a dream.

Uh, hey, while you're taking requests, can I make one?

Could your new nanny show be called "Jessie?"

Not a chance. Worth a shot.

Zuri, the science fair was three days ago.

You can put that down now.

I don't want to.

(Sniffing) It smells like victory.

I am so proud of you, sweetheart.

I couldn't have done it without you, Mom.

You know, I have to admit, doing something with my own two hands was kind of thrilling.

I think I have a callus!

Uh, Bertram? Any chance you could help me take this to the limo?

Oh, I would love to, but...

All: It's so far.

This has been the most amazing four years of my life.

Christina, thank you so much for taking a chance on me.

I'm really going to miss your kids.

Our kids.

Bertram Winkle.

You may not be the best butler, but you are the best friend I've ever had.

Ditto.

We made a pretty good team.

The best.

When you get famous enough to need a butler, and you will, give me a call.

I will. And I will have a couch ready for you to nap on, pre-stocked with plenty of cheese sandwiches.

(Chuckles)

Zuri, thanks for taking me in off the street.

I can't believe you've grown from that adorable little girl into such a confident, amazing young woman.

I can.

After all, I had a great role model.

Luke, somehow when I wasn't looking, you grew up, and you are incredible.

Now, still gonna work hard at school, even when I'm not here to bug you every day?

Of course, Jessie.

Don't worry.

I'll make you proud.

I know you will.

I'll never wash this face again!

Like you ever have.

Now, Ravi, you have to promise me something, too.

I know, I know.

I vow to find some friends and develop a modicum of athletic prowess.

(Chuckles)

No, actually, I was going to say that you are the kindest, smartest, most unique person I've ever met.

You have to promise me you're not going to change for anyone.

I promise.

Oh, um, Mrs. Kipling has something for you.

Oh.

Thank you, Mrs. Kipling.

(Croaks)

And thank you for not eating me.

Emma, are you okay?

It's just that you'll be so far away.

I'm afraid you'll forget about us.

Hey.

Remember what I told you during your science project?

About how family members are like planets?

You said, "Even when they're far apart, the force of love keeps them together. No matter what."

Right. (Sniffles)

It stretches over any distance, and it's too strong to be broken.

And I will never forget you.

Come here.

Jessie?

I think it's time.

(Clears throat)

(Elevator bell dings)

Christina: Hey, Jessie...

Any advice for me before you go?

Just enjoy it.

It feels like a party every day.

(Chuckles)

(Elevator bell dings)

(Dinging continues)

Hi, Jessie!

Tony?

What are you doing here?

I work here.

I had to drop out of the Fire Academy.

Turns out, I'm allergic to smoke.

Isn't everybody?

Yeah, but I actually puked on the Dalmatian.

Anywho, I heard they had a lot of big doors in L.A., so here I am.

(Chuckles) I'm so glad!

Well, good luck on the first day of the rest of your life, you big star!

Thanks, Tony.

(Horn honking)

All: Jessie!

Surprise! We came to wish you luck!

Although, if you miss me, I can stay!

How do you stop this thing?

That is the accelerator!

(All screaming)

(Loud thud) (Jessie screams)

Oh, my gosh! Jessie!

Are you okay?

You're supposed to tell me to break a leg, not actually do it.

A little help?

Always.