The Deal

Three Cents on the Dollar

 * Elmore Rainbow Factory, yes, of course, I'll get that order completed for you today. Oh, one moment please. Elmore Rainbow Factory?
 * Uh, Nicole, do you have a moment?
 * When has anybody on two phones at once ever had a moment? Sorry, how can I help you?
 * It's just that Mr. Yoshida needs to see you in his office immediately.
 * I'm employee of the month.
 * I'm employee of the month.
 * I'm employee of the month.


 * That's a fact, fools!


 * Made money and adhered to my job's rules.


 * Climbed the ladder, did my work, and kept my desk neat.


 * Haters choking on my well-planned spreadsheets.


 * No vacations and I never took a sick day.


 * If you blink, you'll miss what goes into my in tray.


 * Took the health and safety training, didn't have to.


 * Lift the box with my back straight, like you're supposed to!


 * I put Jim from account in the corner like a baby,


 * Carol from HR straight trippin', she can take me,


 * Employee of the month, so check my white collar,


 * Got a pay rise, fool.


 * Three cents on the dollar!


 * That's great, Mom, but what does it mean?
 * It means they really appreciate all my hard work.
 * Well, I do rap about my day, too. Today, I found a fry under the sofa, and then… um…
 * Yeah, Dad, that was the rap equivalent of British dental work. So Mom, what we talkin' in terms in green?
 * It comes with an extra ten dollars a month. It means we no longer have to shop at the thrift store, and we can pay off our credit card bills by February.
 * This February?
 * Nope. A February. Plus, I get this cool framed photo.
 * That says "Nicole Wertterson."
 * Okay, it's a typo, but you get the idea. Maybe we should put it here, so everyone can see it!
 * I don't see any photos with my name on them.
 * Sure there is. There's one right over there.
 * "Local loser ruins baby shower." Why did you frame that?
 * Oh cool! Are we having pizza to celebrate?
 * Nope, I'm just letting people know my good news.
 * Hello?
 * Hi, is that Aaron Aaronson? It's Nicole Watterson. I know you don't know me, but I just wanted to let you know I'm employee of the month! Bye! Okay, let's see the next one is Adam Adamson.
 * Don't you want to hear what I did today?
 * : Hi, my name is Nicole Watterson, and I kick butts…
 * You okay, Mister Dad?
 * I wish someone appreciated me.
 * Hey, they do. Joyful Burger would go out of business if it wasn't for you.
 * He means Mom. Why don't you talk to her about it? After all, she is a calm, reasonable wom—
 * You're right. I'm gonna march right up to your mother and tell her, "Things have to change. You can't lead a horse to water without breaking a few eggs! Judge me not by my thighs, for the one-eyed man is worth two in the bush! If they build it, I will come, and if you've got a problem with that, buddy, well then, welcome to the Hotel California!
 * Dad, what are you talking about?
 * I have no idea.
 * He's gonna need some practice first.
 * You're right. I'm gonna march right up to your mother and tell her, "Things have to change. You can't lead a horse to water without breaking a few eggs! Judge me not by my thighs, for the one-eyed man is worth two in the bush! If they build it, I will come, and if you've got a problem with that, buddy, well then, welcome to the Hotel California!
 * Dad, what are you talking about?
 * I have no idea.
 * He's gonna need some practice first.

Richard's Training

 * Okay, let's say this pumpkin is Mom. Use it to practice your pitch on her.
 * Okay. Hi, honey. Uh, I got something to ask you. Please don't look at me like that.
 * How could you say that in front of the children?
 * You swore you wouldn't bring that up! It's not that unreasonable to assume the citizens of Turkey would be delicious birds.
 * Aah! Please! Please don't leave me! Don't leave me! Kids, stop the simulation! It's too real! Deactivate! Deactivate!
 * Well, that could've gone better.
 * Dad, where's the pumpkin?
 * She left me for a butternut squash.
 * Aah! Please! Please don't leave me! Don't leave me! Kids, stop the simulation! It's too real! Deactivate! Deactivate!
 * Well, that could've gone better.
 * Dad, where's the pumpkin?
 * She left me for a butternut squash.
 * Dad, where's the pumpkin?
 * She left me for a butternut squash.

Confronting with Nicole

 * Oh, I got to tell you, it's so refreshing to go to a store where "a clean up on aisle three" actually means someone's spilled some food.
 * Uh, Mom, listen, Dad's got something he wants to tell you.
 * Uh, Nicole, honey, sweetie, light of my life...
 * Reign it in, Dad.
 * I don't think you notice all the work I do around here, and I think it's about time you appreciated me!
 * Oh really, Richard? Then why don't we check up on all this hard work of yours?
 * Reign it in, Dad.
 * I don't think you notice all the work I do around here, and I think it's about time you appreciated me!
 * Oh really, Richard? Then why don't we check up on all this hard work of yours?

Richard's Hard Work

 * Can you please explain why the grass is so long?
 * Because the kids haven't had their breakfast yet.
 * And they're eating their greens!
 * Food fight! See, no plates and no cutlery means no washing up.
 * And at least thirty percent of it goes in their mouth.
 * Look at the state of them, and the tablecloth!
 * Ah-ah!
 * Are you insane?!
 * No, there's baby shampoo in there as well as fabric softener, so their eyes won't sting. Alright kids, time to dry off.
 * Oh, I'd stand back if I were you! This also shakes out the head lice.
 * Aah! They're all over the floor!
 * Not for much longer!
 * And that's the way I do it every single day, so it's about time you appreciated it.
 * Well, it's the wrong way! You're a terrible parent, and this house is disgusting! I would stamp my feet in anger but the floor is so sticky I can't actually move anymore!
 * Ridiculous! I could eat off this floor! Okay, I'll give you that one, but you need to appreciate what I do.
 * Richard, you're ridiculous. The only things with worse parenting skills are cuckoos and stage moms!
 * Fine, then I'm going on strike!
 * I think we'll be fine.
 * Not for much longer!
 * And that's the way I do it every single day, so it's about time you appreciated it.
 * Well, it's the wrong way! You're a terrible parent, and this house is disgusting! I would stamp my feet in anger but the floor is so sticky I can't actually move anymore!
 * Ridiculous! I could eat off this floor! Okay, I'll give you that one, but you need to appreciate what I do.
 * Richard, you're ridiculous. The only things with worse parenting skills are cuckoos and stage moms!
 * Fine, then I'm going on strike!
 * I think we'll be fine.
 * I think we'll be fine.

Richard is on Strike

 * Hmm? So you were serious about this strike business?
 * Yes! I've been sitting here all day!
 * And how's that different from usual? Apart from not being able to see the TV. And what's with the banner?
 * It was all they had in the store. They didn't have anything that said, "Fight for your efforts to be recognized by some heartless she-beast!"
 * Maybe they were all sold out. And the balloons?
 * I happen to like balloons.
 * I'll go ahead and assume dinner's not ready.
 * Ha! You won't last five minutes in there!
 * Oh please, I'm employee of the month! I can handle anything. Especially an evening without Nanny McFail.
 * Well that's weird. What the...?
 * Oh, not bad.
 * Oh! Hello?
 * Raw chicken! At least it didn't go in my—
 * Who rewired the whole house?!
 * Hey! Get back here.
 * I said come back here!
 * No! Don't you dare! That's a precious family heirloom! That I haven't got around to selling online yet.
 * What are you doing in my house?!
 * Koo-koo!
 * Ahh!
 * What are you doing in here?!
 * Is that my wedding dress?!
 * Get out of my house!
 * ,, : Get out of my house.
 * I said get out or I'll call the cops!
 * Send more cops!
 * : Cops, yum yum!
 * What happened in there?! What are those things?! And where are the kids?!
 * Those things are our kids in their natural, unsupervised state.
 * What? What have you done?!
 * Nothing, and that's what happens. Still think everything will be fine?
 * Right. I'll deal with this.
 * How'd that go?
 * Well, at least there's nothing left in the house for them to destroy.
 * Oh. I forgot about the garden. Okay, I'll do it your way.
 * Um, Richard?
 * Uh, just give me a minute. My face is stuck. It's not used to pulling a smug expression for this long.
 * Get out of my house!
 * ,, : Get out of my house.
 * I said get out or I'll call the cops!
 * Send more cops!
 * : Cops, yum yum!
 * What happened in there?! What are those things?! And where are the kids?!
 * Those things are our kids in their natural, unsupervised state.
 * What? What have you done?!
 * Nothing, and that's what happens. Still think everything will be fine?
 * Right. I'll deal with this.
 * How'd that go?
 * Well, at least there's nothing left in the house for them to destroy.
 * Oh. I forgot about the garden. Okay, I'll do it your way.
 * Um, Richard?
 * Uh, just give me a minute. My face is stuck. It's not used to pulling a smug expression for this long.
 * Oh. I forgot about the garden. Okay, I'll do it your way.
 * Um, Richard?
 * Uh, just give me a minute. My face is stuck. It's not used to pulling a smug expression for this long.
 * Um, Richard?
 * Uh, just give me a minute. My face is stuck. It's not used to pulling a smug expression for this long.

Catapulting the Neighbor

 * It's worse than I thought. They've got the neighbor.
 * Mister Robinson?
 * No, the other one. The one we don't know the name of.
 * Oh, it's not so bad then. What do we do?
 * Okay. There are three rules. One: stay calm and do not raise your voice. It just tells them they're winning. Two: never turn your back on them. That's when they take advantage. And three: always carry a little plastic bag.
 * Uh, where did you get all this from?
 * Richard, that's for dogs.
 * Still works.
 * Stand down.
 * Blue, blue, what did I just say?
 * That's it, Gumball, you're grounded.
 * No, no, no! Do that, and they'll never trust me again.
 * Back off, back off.
 * No. Nicole, the neighbor!
 * Hi, I'm Nicole Watterson. I live next door.
 * Yeah, I got that.
 * Orange, I see you. Stand down.
 * Wait a minute. Where's your sister?
 * Clever girl.
 * What are we gonna do? We're surrounded. Richard, do something.
 * Okay, okay, stop!
 * ,, : Huh?
 * I'm not gonna let you all catapult the neighbor over the house.
 * But... I am gonna let one of you do it.
 * What?
 * What?
 * ,, : Huh?
 * I'll let you fight over which one.
 * Richard, how is this helping?
 * Ah. Five, four, three, two...
 * You see, the best way to deal with kids is to turn them against each other until they've worn themselves out.
 * Richard, you— You did it. Whatever it is you do, it works.
 * What are you doing?
 * You taste like flame-grilled chicken.
 * Excuse me. Can I go home?
 * I'm not gonna let you all catapult the neighbor over the house.
 * But... I am gonna let one of you do it.
 * What?
 * What?
 * ,, : Huh?
 * I'll let you fight over which one.
 * Richard, how is this helping?
 * Ah. Five, four, three, two...
 * You see, the best way to deal with kids is to turn them against each other until they've worn themselves out.
 * Richard, you— You did it. Whatever it is you do, it works.
 * What are you doing?
 * You taste like flame-grilled chicken.
 * Excuse me. Can I go home?
 * What are you doing?
 * You taste like flame-grilled chicken.
 * Excuse me. Can I go home?
 * Excuse me. Can I go home?