Prank Call of Cthulu


 * Howard: Play it wet nice on me, baby. Now that's what I'm talking about?
 * Billy: Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! She's crazy! Crazy! Crazy! What are you guys doing so close together?
 * Mandy: I'm not through with you, billy.
 * Gladys: Mandy, what are you doing with that hose in my house? Turn that water off this instant, young lady. Thank-- thank you.
 * Billy: Dad, what's caller i.d.?
 * Harward: Oh, that's easy, son. It's what butt-ugly dogs wear around their hairy necks so that we know when they're calling on the phone. Like your mother-in-law. right, Honey? Right? Why didn't anyone ever tell me my butt was so big? Telephone rings] Hello?
 * Billy: Hello, Mr. Dad. This is your doctor. I'm calling to tell you your brain is broken and it has to be removed.
 * Harold: Billy, I know it's you.
 * Billy: Billy? Who's billy?
 * Harold: It says here on the caller i.d.


 * Grim: Billy, what do you think you're doing?! Stay away from that phone!
 * Billy: But, Grim, I just wanted to see if that phone had caller i.d. on it.
 * Grim: Billy! That is the most dangerous phone in the universe!
 * Billy: But, Grim, phones are our friends. They take us to magical places. Hong Kong, Hawaii, Japan, Greenland, Iceland...
 * Harold: Alaska, Guatemala, Hamaica, Korea! Hey, who's been calling all these places!
 * Grim: Thhat is the phone of cthulu-- an ancient and terrible being that can drive men mad just by speaking to them. If anyone ever made a call on that phone, it would awaken the ancient slumbering creature known as cthulu. And if he is awakened, he will rise from the murky depths and destroy this world!
 * Billy: Uh, Grim, you're eyes are still on fire.
 * Grim: [Screams] help me, Billy! Help me! Quick! Give me something to put my eyes out with! [Screams] give me something else, quick! [Screams]
 * Billy: Here, Grim. Try this.
 * Grim: It burns! It burns!
 * Billy: Here, Grim. Douse it with this.
 * Grim: [Screams] [splash] aah! Much better.
 * Harold: Hey, I wasn't done in there!
 * Billy: Come on, Irwin. It's down here.
 * Irwin: Uh, I don't know, Billy. This kahlua guy might not find prank calls very funny, yo.
 * Billy: First of all, Irwin, it's not kahlua, it's kaka-doo-doo. Second of all, it doesn't matter if he finds if funny or not. It only matters if it's funny to us. Come on! There it is, Irwin. The phone with no caller i.d. Now, go!
 * Irwin: (Screams) Hello, is Joe there?
 * [Man mumbling]
 * Irwin: Joe momma! Billy, help! [Screaming]
 * Billy: Irwin!! Irwin, where you go? [Screaming] What are you doing? No! No!

(Harold and Gladys turn into tentacled monsters)
 * Harold: Hello?
 * Billy: Hiya, Papa! No, wait. I'm mean hello.
 * Harold: Is that you, billy?
 * Billy: Who's billy? This is kelly clarkson.
 * Harold: No way! Oh, what can I do for you, Kelly?
 * Billy: Do you have your television on?
 * Harold: Yes, I do have my television on!
 * Billy: So, how does it fit? Ah ha ha ha! [Snickering]
 * Harold: Actually, it's a little snug. I'm starting to chaff.
 * Gladys: Who is it, dear?
 * Harold: It's kelly clarkson! Isn't that great?
 * Gladys: Oh, my, yes! Who's kelly clarkson?
 * Harold: Heck, I don't know.
 * Gladys: Oh my!
 * Gladys: Now this is weird.
 * Harold: [smiles] Is it?

(Pud'n turns into a tentacled monster) (Sperg turns into a tentacled monster) (Random Citizen turns into a tentacled monster) (Hoss turns into a tentacled monster) (Mindy turns into a tentacled monster) Lyrics:
 * Pud'n: Hello? *sniff*
 * Billy: Hey Pud'n, your nose is running...You better catch it! [laughs]
 * Random Monster: Yo Mama!
 * Sperg: No, Yo Mama!
 * Random Monster: No, You Mama!
 * Sperg: No, Yo Mama!
 * Random Citizen: Please baby, please!
 * Random Monster: *random noises*
 * Hoss Delgado: I'll kill you!
 * Mindy: Loser!
 * Citizens: [singing Endsville for Endsville]

''It looks like it's Endsville for Endsville, The Endsville we all love was just a fluke We have tentacles, sharp teeth, And great big gills, But the sushi in this town all tastes like puke. It looks like it's Endsville for Endsville The Endsville folk have really lost the fight We have sunk into some Weird amebic ooze So, flush it down and don't forget to wipe.''