Department Store Tobey

This article is a transcript of the WordGirl episode, "Department Store Tobey" from season 1, which aired on February 15, 2008.

Plot
Narrator: When we last saw Tobey, he’d been sentenced to several weeks of house arrest with no phone, no television, and robot privileges!

(Scene: Tobey is sitting in his room in his rocking chair, looking through a scrapbook with images of WordGirl.)

Tobey: Oh, you think you’re SO perfect, don’t you? Always trying to show me up with excellent grasp of vocabulary and your dark, glossy locks! Well, your cleverness and beauty won’t be enough to stop me this time, WordGirl! This time.

(A knock on the door)

Claire McCallister: You’d better have your coat on, young man! We are leaving for the department store in five minutes!

Tobey: Ready when you are Mother! (closes the book on his thumb and cries out, then starts sucking on it)

(Scene: Later, at the department store. Tim Botsford is there with Becky, Bob and TJ.)

Mr. Botsford: A shoe shopping expedition! What could be better than spending this delightful Saturday indoors?

(Bob runs over to several boxes of shoes, and ends up with shoes on his hands and feet. A sales clerk walks up to him.)

Sales Clerk: Welcome to Department Store Shoes. Making feet happy for over 45 years. Your size, please? (Bob waves one of his feet and chatters something.) Let me get my foot measurer.

(Claire McCallister is holding Tobey by the arm as she looks at some shoes. Becky walks up to him.)

Becky: Uh, hello Tobey!

Tobey: Becky.

Becky: Still grounded, huh?

Tobey: Not that it’s any of your business, but yes I am. Thankfully, nothing so trivial can stop a brilliant mind like mine when it’s intent on destruction!

Becky: What are you up to?

(Claire McCallister pulls him away to look at something else.)

Tobey: Meet me in women’s casuals in fifteen minutes if you want to find out!

Mr. Botsford: Just look at this selection of brown loafers! And is this a price gun malfunction?

Sales Clerk: No. That’s no malfunction, sir. We guarantee the lowest prices on brown loafers every day.

Mr. Botsford: Wow! Becky, at these prices you and I could get matching pairs!

Becky: That’s-- great, Dad! Super idea. Uh, why don’t you start putting some aside while I run over to the-- uh, hat department? I have to get a hat! For-- the-- uh, hat club! At school!

Mr. Botsford: Ah, yes. I remember my first hat club meeting.

Becky: Really? Um-- right! Good! So, I just be off getting a hat. Be right back. Come on, Bob!

TJ: Hey, how come Becky got to go off on her own?

Mr. Botsford: A little something called hat club!

TJ: What?

Mr. Botsford: You’ll understand when you’re older.

(Becky and Bob are in the women’s casual section, looking around for Tobey.)

Tobey: Psst! In here! Quickly!

(Becky looks inside a circular rack of outfits where Tobey is hiding, and he pulls them both in He and Becky start talking at the same time, and they both giggle.)

Tobey: Please go ahead.

Becky: No-no, you firs--

Tobey: Absolutely not, I insist!

Becky: Uh-okay, I’ll start. What are you up to?

Tobey: I don’t know why I’m bothering to explain my ingeniously clever plan to someone so powerless to stop me, but, eh, it goes like this. I have a plan to destroy this city brick by brick!

Becky: Why would you do that?

Tobey: Because I can, of course! And also to make WordGirl taste the bitter taste-- of… defeat. I know I used taste twice! Now I have composed a series of nearly impossible-to-solve brain teasers. All WordGirl has to do to stop the robots is to solve my riddles! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Not likely! Impressed? (They both stare at him sternly, and Bob makes a whimpering sound.) I knew you would be. Let’s get this party started, shall we? (Presses a button on a remote.)

Becky: What did you just do?

Tobey: Dear, simple Becky. Look to the skies!

(She stands up and looks out the window, and sees a jet-powered robot sailling by.)

Becky: Looks like trouble! Come on, Bob! (Tobey walks out, and she transforms into WordGirl. Then she appears at the window of the department store in front of Tobey.)

Tobey: WordGirl! (clears throat) How nice of you to drop by!

WordGirl: I heard you have a riddle for me?

Tobey: News travels fast! But my robots travel faster! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

WordGirl: I don’t get it.

Tobey: It was-- a joke. Never mind. WordGirl, look to the skies!

(A passing robot start skywriting something.)

WordGirl: What does that say? A jace fat kite pikes money??

Tobey: No, no, the robot is malfunctioning!

WordGirl: Malfunctioning, you mean it’s not working right?

Tobey: I don’t understand, it all worked in the test run!

WordGirl: Well, can we, uh, keep things moving here?

Tobey: Fine! I’ll just read it. Not nearly as dramatic. (Pulls out a set of notecards and reads) “A place like this, you might find it funny, one day they give you cash, the next take your money!”

WordGirl: The bank. (takes off)

(Tobey crumples the notecards, angry that she was able to guess the riddle so quickly. He throws it as hard as he can, and it lands at his feet.)

(Scene: The bank. A robot is standing over the building. WordGirl lands in front of it.)

WordGirl: Alright, you big lug! Huggy! Hit him with battle plan number 43-B! Word UP!

(She flies up and pokes it in the eye, then Huggy leaps at it and smashes into its leg, causing it to lose balance and fall over.)

WordGirl: Good work, Huggy! (He blows on his fingers, and rubs them against his chest in pride. She grabs the antenna off of it, and flies back to the department store window.)

WordGirl: (to Tobey) Back! (displays the antenna)

Tobey: (clears throat) You think you’re so clever, don’t you?

WordGirl: Maybe! If by clever you mean quick to understand and exceptionally smart, then yeah, I guess I’m pretty clever! And thank you for noticing!

Tobey: (grumbles) Well, get ready for my next riddle! (presses the button on the remote)

(Another flying robot appears behind them. It begins speaking a message.)

Robot: I am not alive, but I-- I-- I-- (sparks fly from it, and it falls to the ground)

WordGirl: Sorry, uh, missed that last bit.

Tobey: Inconceivable! Two robot malfunctions? Ah, but that won’t stop Theodore “Tobey” McCallister the third! Plan B! (clears throat and starts reading) “I am not alive, I gnow”-- gnow? That doesn’t sound right! Maybe that’s a-- p? I can’t believe I can’t read my own handwriting!

WordGirl: L-let me take a look. (He holds the notecards against the window.) “I am not alive, but I grow. I don’t have lungs but I need air. I don’t have a mouth, but water kills me. What am I?”

Tobey: Ha-ha-, give up? Good!--

WordGirl: Fire. (She takes off. Tobey crumples the notecards in frustration.)

(Scene: The fire station. A robot is approaching it from behind. WordGirl arrives.)

WordGirl: Let’s go, Huggy! Secret takedown plan number 237! (Huggy looks at her confused.) Remember last time? (He finally nods at her.)

(WordGirl and Huggy both turn water hoses on the robot, causing it to short-circuit and fall over.)

Firefighter: Woohoo!

WordGirl: Great teamwork, Huggy! Huggy? (He is wrapped up in his hose, with the nozzle spraying him in the head.) Ugh! Hold on.

(Scene: Back at the department store. WordGirl flies up to the window holding one of the robot’s legs.)

WordGirl: Oh, Tobey! I’ve got something for you! Tobey? Tobey?

(A crowd gathers at the window, cheering at WordGirl. She smiles back at them.)

WordGirl: Looks like we’re going to have to head inside!

(Meanwhile, Tim Botsford and TJ are looking through a pile of shoes.)

Mr. Botsford: Hmm. What do you think they mean when they say “nearly leather”?

TJ: No idea, Dad.

Mr. Botsford: Well, sounds like progress to me!

(Now inside the store, WordGirl flies by and notices him, so she stops.)

WordGirl: (to Huggy) This’ll just take a second. (walks up to her Dad) Hello, Mr. average man about town!

TJ: WordGir-- (faints)

WordGirl: I-is he okay?

Mr. Botsford: Oh sure, happens all the time!

WordGirl: As I was saying, shopping for your daughter, are you? Ha, well I may not be a ten-year-old girl myself, since I’m clearly an alien superhero, but on MY home planet, we prefer shoes like this! (Holds up a pair of saddle shoes just like Becky wears.) Not that I know for sure that you’re buying shoes for a ten-year-old girl, I mean how could I, seeing as how we’ve never met. (pause) Oh right, it’s because I’m a superhero that I DO know! I’m super-clever! (pause) We should go.

(WordGirl finally spots Tobey sitting in a waiting area for the dressing rooms, holding his mother’s purse. When he sees her watching, he hides the purse behind his back.)

Tobey: Oh, there you are! I’m surprised you were clever enough to find me!

WordGirl: I’m full of surprises! (Drops the robot leg in front of him)

Tobey: Defeated another one of my robots, did you? Well, no matter! I’ve been working on something that’s sure to work this time! (He walks over to a control panel with wire hangers attached to it, and a laser beam pointing at the wall.)

WordGirl: Wow! That must have taken ages to put together! How long have you been standing here?

Tobey: Oh, forever! I think my mother is trying on the whole store!

WordGirl: Yours too, huh? My mom once spent four hours trying on jeans. Ask me how many pairs she bought.

Tobey: How many?

WordGirl: None!

Tobey: Maddening. Absolutely maddening. (After a brief pause, Tobey looks up) Are we-- (points back and forth between himself and her)

WordGirl: Uhh… (changes the subject) So, uh, you gonna blow something up or what?

Tobey: Right, right. Right. Uh, blow something up… of course! Prepare to be amazed! (He presses a button on the control panel, and the laser beam creates a message on the wall. Tobey laughs with excitement.) Oh, it actually worked! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

WordGirl: (reading) “My face is cold, my eyes are glassy, sometimes I’m cheap, sometimes I’m classy, I never need food, I never need water, but if you like me you’ll change my diaper.” Huh! Pretty good.

Tobey: Ha-ha, I’ve got you this time! You don’t know the answer!

WordGirl: Dolls? Do you mean Dolly Dollarton’s Doll-lightful House of Dolls?

Tobey: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! No! I mean City Hall!

WordGirl: What? That doesn’t make any sense! What do diapers have to do with City Hall?

Tobey: Plenty! Not so clever after-- wh-wait. diapers?

WordGirl: Yeah! Read for yourself.

(Tobey reads through the notecard he made.)

Tobey: That’s not right! I sent the robot to City Hall, not Dolly Dollarton’s! Dolly’s was just a backup!

WordGirl: So-- City Hall then?

Tobey: Uh-- did I say City Hall? I-- I meant, uh…

WordGirl: Too late! City Hall it is! (takes off)

(Tobey again crumples up the notecards in anger.)

Tobey: Well, at least I know there’s no way they’ll defeat my robot in time!

(WordGirl returns carrying the hand of the robot.)

Tobey: Plagued by malfunction! Okay, fine, well you won’t solve my next riddle so easily!

WordGirl: Are you gonna use the doll one now?

Tobey: No! Maybe. Yes. But it won’t matter! You’ll taste the bitter taste of def--

(The changing room door flies open, and Claire McCallister stands there towering over Tobey.)

Tobey: And I, for one, will be writing to the management. This, uh, mannequin arm has been lying here just waiting for someone to trip over. Uh, ready to go? Good! Because this shopping trip is taking a lot longer than you promised! Or-- I suppose, if you had just a few more things you wanted to try on-- a few more… (Claire grabs Tobey by the ear and drags him off.) Ow, ow-ow-ow-OW!

TJ: I just don’t understand how it happened! One minute she’s there, and the next she’s gone!

(Becky shows up walking behind her Dad and TJ.)

Mr. Botsford: THERE you are, Becky! We were just about to send out a search party!

Becky: Oh, uh, yeah, um… see, the escalators were malfunctioning, and we got stuck on the second floor, but it was ok, ‘cause-- they got them moving-- again.

Mr. Botsford: Oh, well, that’s good! Meanwhile, young lady, I think you are really going to like the shoes we picked out for you! I got some super-advice from a very special friend! They were recommended by none other than-- WordGirl!

(He holds up a pair of purple shoes with yellow and green hearts on them, with bobbling eyes on the front. Becky’s expression changes from excited to shocked.)

Becky: Oh! Those aren’t the ones I picked out! (Bob elbows her.) I mean, those aren’t the ones WordGirl picked out. Not that I would know, I mean, I wasn’t there, so, how could I know? Ha-ha-ha. Ha! I mean, thanks Dad. (hugs him) You, uh, kept the receipt though, right?

Narrator: So once again, WordGirl saves the city from almost certain doom, using her snazzy combination of cleverness and style. And Tobey’s malfunctions didn’t hurt either! Keep up the not-so-great work, Tobey! Be sure to tune in next time for another action-packed episode of… WordGirl!