The Lady

Mr. Small's Candy

 * Take my hand Nigel! I've come to show you the journey within.
 * Uhh, Mr. Small? Is there anything weird in this candy you brought back from your vacation?
 * Fear me not, Nigel! For I am your spirit animal-l-l!
 * Um, Mr. Small?
 * My hands! They're like spiders made out of meat!
 * Uh, Mr. Small? Mr. Small!
 * What is in this candy?!
 * Ah, it's not candy, it's a candle.
 * Uh, Mr. Small? Mr. Small!
 * What is in this candy?!
 * Ah, it's not candy, it's a candle.
 * What is in this candy?!
 * Ah, it's not candy, it's a candle.
 * Ah, it's not candy, it's a candle.

No School Today

 * Sorry, kids, but there's no school today. The staff have all been evacuated to the hospital.
 * Dude, you can at least show some concern.
 * Yeah, you're right.
 * Come on, let's go home.
 * Yeah, you're right.
 * Come on, let's go home.
 * Come on, let's go home.

Gumball and Darwin Spy on Samantha

 * Mr. Dad will be surprised to see us.
 * Yeah, we might interrupt his third breakfast.
 * Hey!
 * Uh, h-hi guys, what's up?
 * School's canceled, what's that on your lips?
 * Uh, I, uh... I was just eating some, uhh... What's that awful stuff that's like fruit that people decorate plates with?
 * You mean a vegetable?
 * Uhh, yes. That's what's stained on my lips. A vergetule.
 * What kind?
 * A re- a red one?
 * Okay, stop lying. We saw her. Who is she?
 * Uh, what is the name of these people that you pay to make your skin cry until you're thin?
 * A personal trainer?
 * That's it. She was reminding me I have to go to that place where the bicycles go nowhere.
 * You mean the gym?
 * Yes, the gym, and I'm late. 'Kay, bye.
 * I don't think he's going to the gym.
 * 'Cause the only gym that he goes to is Jim the cashier at the donut store?
 * No- I mean yes. But also because the gym bag he grabbed was a woman's purse.
 * Yes, the gym, and I'm late. 'Kay, bye.
 * I don't think he's going to the gym.
 * 'Cause the only gym that he goes to is Jim the cashier at the donut store?
 * No- I mean yes. But also because the gym bag he grabbed was a woman's purse.
 * No- I mean yes. But also because the gym bag he grabbed was a woman's purse.

At the Mall

 * Ohh, I'm going to the gym.  Liar! He's buying perfume for that woman.
 * Maybe it's just for him.
 * Yeah, sure. To hide the scent of his SHAME!
 * That was close, he nearly saw u-
 * Huh?
 * I guess four-K's how far you have to stand away from the camera so you don't look like a photo from a dermatology textbook.
 * Where did he go?
 * Huh?
 * I guess four-K's how far you have to stand away from the camera so you don't look like a photo from a dermatology textbook.
 * Where did he go?
 * Where did he go?
 * Where did he go?

Meet-up with the Girls

 * Look! It's the lady we saw at home!
 * Well, hello, girls.
 * Let's eavesdrop.
 * Ah, Samantha. Finally. We've been waiting so long, Angela's clothes are back in fashion.
 * Better late than ugly, Maria. A girl needs to make some effort for her man.
 * Samantha darling, the last time you were a girl, men still had gills.
 * So, when do we get to meet this elusive boyfriend of yours?
 * Oh, he's not elusive, Angela. He just doesn't like to answer questions straightforwardly and prefers changing the subject to avoid them.
 * Samantha, are you nervous because we might judge your new boyfriend?
 * No, Violet. She's worried about how mimes place their orders at the drive-through.
 * Ah, you, younger women are so demanding! So, what if Samantha's boyfriend isn't around that much? As long as a man has a pulse and a smile, who cares?
 * I'd be so happy to get a man with either of those things, and at my age, I don't care which. Do you think he might have a friend for me?
 * Yes, Violet. The Easter Bunny.
 * Now, you listen here, my man does exist! As a matter of fact, I'm meeting him in the park later.
 * and : What the wh-a-a-a-a-!
 * Ah, you, younger women are so demanding! So, what if Samantha's boyfriend isn't around that much? As long as a man has a pulse and a smile, who cares?
 * I'd be so happy to get a man with either of those things, and at my age, I don't care which. Do you think he might have a friend for me?
 * Yes, Violet. The Easter Bunny.
 * Now, you listen here, my man does exist! As a matter of fact, I'm meeting him in the park later.
 * and : What the wh-a-a-a-a-!
 * Now, you listen here, my man does exist! As a matter of fact, I'm meeting him in the park later.
 * and : What the wh-a-a-a-a-!
 * and : What the wh-a-a-a-a-!

Samantha's Boyfriend at the Park

 * Ugh, This is taking forever. I've not got a lot of time. Skins and regrets, yes, but time, no.
 * Do you think maybe he's running a little late?
 * No, Violet, he arrived on time. He just set our watches early for a prank.
 * and : Hmm.
 * Oh, there he is! Hello, sugar!
 * Hey, honey. How's your day been?
 * Aww, it makes my heart skip a beat to know that love can still blossom at our age. Wait. That's two beats. Three! Somebody do something— Oh, yeah, there it is.
 * I can't believe it.
 * Dad always said Mom is out of his league. But I never thought he'd want to get back down into his own league.
 * What's that?
 * The bombshell that just got dropped on us.
 * Huh. I always thought it was a metaphor.
 * I can't believe it.
 * Dad always said Mom is out of his league. But I never thought he'd want to get back down into his own league.
 * What's that?
 * The bombshell that just got dropped on us.
 * Huh. I always thought it was a metaphor.
 * Huh. I always thought it was a metaphor.

Gumball and Darwin Confront Richard

 * We know about Samantha.
 * Oh. Well, I guess you were bound to find out one day. How do you feel about it?
 * Oh, just great! How do you think Mom would feel about it?!
 * Well, she's not around in the day. I've got to find some way of keeping myself entertained.
 * Entertained!?
 * Is it so bad that I have some fun? I enjoy the time I spend with my girls.
 * Girls!? Plural!?
 * What difference does it make if it's more than one?
 * You maggot. How many?
 * Three at the moment, but you know, the more the merrier.
 * I think I'm gonna be sick. Our dad has a secret double life.  Darwin, smash another plate.
 * Hold on.
 * Dagnabbit, I bought the paper ones.
 * I don't see what's so wrong with having a secret double life.
 * Look how it's already affecting us!
 * Yeah, well, only because it's not secret anymore. So I was technically correct. Nothing wrong with a "secret" double life.
 * Dad, this whole thing is based on lies, and that's not right!
 * I understand. I've deceived the people I love. I'm gonna go end it with the other girls. Then I'll take all of Samantha's stuff down to the junkyard and burn it in a big bonfire!
 * Or maybe just tell her by text or something?
 * No. I need to make sure I can never go back.
 * Yep. Burning all her stuff on the dump— that'll do it.
 * I'm sure gonna miss this pretty face. But at least I'm bowing out with grace.
 * Arah! Darn heels!
 * Do you realize what this means?
 * Of course! Samantha was in the bathroom the whole time!
 * Of course! Mrs. Mom is Samantha! Mr. Dad is... Mrs. Mom?
 * I'm Mr. Dad?
 * Dad and Samantha are the same person! So, we better stop him before he ruins his beautiful friendship with those sassy girls.
 * I'm sure gonna miss this pretty face. But at least I'm bowing out with grace.
 * Arah! Darn heels!
 * Do you realize what this means?
 * Of course! Samantha was in the bathroom the whole time!
 * Of course! Mrs. Mom is Samantha! Mr. Dad is... Mrs. Mom?
 * I'm Mr. Dad?
 * Dad and Samantha are the same person! So, we better stop him before he ruins his beautiful friendship with those sassy girls.
 * Of course! Mrs. Mom is Samantha! Mr. Dad is... Mrs. Mom?
 * I'm Mr. Dad?
 * Dad and Samantha are the same person! So, we better stop him before he ruins his beautiful friendship with those sassy girls.
 * I'm Mr. Dad?
 * Dad and Samantha are the same person! So, we better stop him before he ruins his beautiful friendship with those sassy girls.

Samantha's True Identity

 * Mmm, Maria, this cheesecake is so good, I wanna marry it and have its cupcakes.
 * Oh, that reminds me of a story from Minnesota.
 * Does it involve a woman marrying a cake?
 * Oh no. I'm afraid it was at a time when society wasn't as tolerant as it is now. People were only allowed to marry a potato from a different farm.
 * Can we skip the nonsense part and get to the end, please?
 * Oh. Sure. The end.
 * I have a dramatic announcement to make!
 * He dumped you for a slimmer woman.
 * No.
 * He dumped you for a younger woman.
 * No!
 * He dumped you for a potato from a different farm?
 * What? No. It's about my new boyfriend. He doesn't really exist.
 * And the rest of the forfeit.
 * And there is more. I've been deceiving y'all. But I have decided to break the circle of lies. My real name isn't Samantha.
 * Wait, so your name is not Samantha, that's all?
 * No, there's more.
 * You're bald?
 * I'll give you one more clue.
 * You're ugly?
 * Okay, one more clue.
 * You're a naturist?!
 * He's a man, Violet!
 * Well, I guess the clue was in the name— Sa-man-tha. Also, guess what you get if you switch the letters of the name around? "Thas-a-man!"
 * You're bald?
 * I'll give you one more clue.
 * You're ugly?
 * Okay, one more clue.
 * You're a naturist?!
 * He's a man, Violet!
 * Well, I guess the clue was in the name— Sa-man-tha. Also, guess what you get if you switch the letters of the name around? "Thas-a-man!"
 * He's a man, Violet!
 * Well, I guess the clue was in the name— Sa-man-tha. Also, guess what you get if you switch the letters of the name around? "Thas-a-man!"

Richard's Confession

 * I'm sorry.
 * But why would you lie to us?
 * I was a bored house-husband. I did try to make some male friends...
 * Hey, bro! Did you see that boxing game last night with the guy who did a touchdown in the hoop with his basketball stick?
 * Sorry. Excuse me. Coming through.
 * Hey, bud, can you pass me the nut spinner flex?
 * Here you go.
 * Wait what is that- Oww!
 * Hey, nice one! Hey... Not.
 * But I guess I'm just not great at being a man. Then I saw you guys.
 * You were so free and loving. You were just being yourselves.
 * I did what I had to do! It's not my fault if society doesn't approve of men being friends with mature women.
 * Literally no one has a problem with that.
 * Ah. Well, in that case, I did what I didn't have to do.
 * Well, Richard, there is something you should know, too—
 * Samantha, wait!
 * It's okay, boys. The cat's out of the bag.
 * Yeah, or more like the large, pink, naked rabbit is out of his pants.
 * I did what I had to do! It's not my fault if society doesn't approve of men being friends with mature women.
 * Literally no one has a problem with that.
 * Ah. Well, in that case, I did what I didn't have to do.
 * Well, Richard, there is something you should know, too—
 * Samantha, wait!
 * It's okay, boys. The cat's out of the bag.
 * Yeah, or more like the large, pink, naked rabbit is out of his pants.
 * It's okay, boys. The cat's out of the bag.
 * Yeah, or more like the large, pink, naked rabbit is out of his pants.

Thank You for Being a Friend

 * But before I go, I just want to say one last thing: thank you for being a friend.
 * No, please, wait!
 * You're not the only one who lied.
 * We all felt the same way.
 * Yes, me too. I guess not.
 * Well, this is awkward.
 * So, I guess we just have to go back to being sad, lonely old men.
 * But why don't you just carry on hanging out as guys?
 * Unless we keep dressing up and just pretend none of this ever happened.
 * ,, , : Mm-hmm!
 * Or you could just be friends.
 * Well, if it's the choice between continuing to dress up as old ladies...
 * It isn't.
 * ...or we stop spending time together...
 * It isn't.
 * That's settled then. We have no option but to ignore the fact we're all actually men.
 * No, you don't.
 * We all have to make sacrifices.
 * No, you don—
 * No, you don't.
 * We all have to make sacrifices.
 * No, you don—

Season After Season

 * You've been a pal to me for so long now
 * Season after season, you kept going somehow
 * Season after season, you kept going somehow


 * And I know
 * You'll always be on cable—
 * Eh, whatever floats your boat.
 * And when you're needin' a helpin' hand—
 * And when you're needin' a helpin' hand—
 * And when you're needin' a helpin' hand—