Ally's F

Really?

What did he say?

He said it's time to get off the phone.

Oh, he's so funny.

Come on, sweetie. I need your help.

In a minute. He's really cute.

Not "in a minute." Now.

All right. Look, I gotta go. My mom's freaking out again.

See you.

Could you set the table, please?

Jeez. What's your problem?

My problem? What is my problem?

You wanna know what my problem is?

You and I need to have a little talk.

Hey, crinkle-cuts!

- Daddy! - Hey! Aww...

Let me take that for you.

Sure. What a nice girl.

Could we go for two nice girls?

I asked you to set the table.

Oh, boy.

Ah, what's that I smell? My favorite... lemon chicken.

Hey. Hold it.

- What've you got there? - It's personal.

Can I see it, please?

Well, Deb, if it's personal, then...

do what your mother says.

Oh, it's from the school.

What is that... your midterm grades?

- I have to go to the bathroom. - Stop.

English..."A."

History..."B."

Phys Ed..."B." These are very good.

These are kind of like my grades,

except for the "A"s and "B"s.

Science..."B," math...

"F"?

"F"?

You're getting an "F" in math?

Why do you always just look at the negative?

Excuse me, who do you think you're talking to?

- I got good grades too. - We're not talking about them.

Hey, why don't we drop the high and the low...

and then sink our teeth into some sweet...

lemon chicken?

Ally, what's going on with math?

Nothing.

- I hate Mr. Putnam. - Why do you hate him?

- I just do, okay? He's so mean. - Oh, come on.

He is mean! Take his side, why don't you?

I am not taking anyone's side,

but I have to say I'm not real thrilled with your attitude.

It's just a midterm, okay?

It's one stupid grade, and I'm gonna pass.

God, why do you always have to overreact?!

She's not completely wrong.

Hello, you must be the Barones.

Have a seat.

Oh, hi, Mr. Putnam.

We were just commenting

on how neat and well-organized your room looks.

Thank you.

I assume you want to talk about Ally's math grade.

Yes. Thank you for meeting with us. L... well, we...

I hope you're not here to try and convince me to change the grade.

I can't change grades.

No no. It's not that.

All my decisions are final.

Uh, l... I understand.

We would like to discuss, uh,

what she could do to improve.

What she could do to improve.

Well, like I tell the other 30 kids I have

times five classes a day, times five days a week...

"Please pay attention."

Wow. So many kids.

I have trouble with just the one.

And I don't have to tell you

that math isn't the most popular subject with the kids.

I always hated it.

Ray.

No. Believe me, I understand.

They're always asking me, you know,

"When am I gonna need this?"

I don't know, but could you need it just right now,

just to get me through the day?

Uh, would... would you like a throat lozenge?

Mr. Putnam, we're really gonna crack down on her homework.

It's not just homework.

You can't do the homework if you don't pay attention.

You see, the thing about math is...

numbers are constant. They're clear.

They're... logical.

They're organized.

13-year-olds are... not.

Believe me, I understand.

Thank you. I'm sure Ally's a very bright girl,

but she doesn't pay attention. Nothing I say...

- sinks in? - Right.

Yeah. Everything I read says that's teenagers.

I used to teach second-graders.

Sure, you had the occasional pee-pee accident in class, but...

they... they were so...

- Sweet. - Yes.

- And appreciative. - Yes.

- Mm-mmm. - You two met before, or?

No. But we understand.

You know, I will have one of those lozenges.

Please.

And we're gonna work on Ally.

Well, it was nice meeting you.

I have to go.

It's parent-teacher night at my son's school.

I hate those.

Well...

if "X" equals lame, that guy is four times "X."

Come on. You gotta feel bad for the guy.

What? He's the teacher.

So?

I'm sorry, but this is his job,

and he gets paid good money to do it.

Good money?

Plus he's got a teacher's lounge, a gym,

the tetherball... he's got a sweet deal here.

I know teachers like this.

He obviously doesn't understand children.

Oh, and you do?

I know why Ally hates math.

Why?

Because this guy thinks math is the whole world,

and... and he takes it out on the kids

when they hate it like they're supposed to.

He's a professional teacher

who took time out of his day to talk to us.

Yeah, right.

You love him so much, why don't you marry him?

Would you just stop it?

Grow up.

Look, all I'm saying is Ally...

No, Ally needs to learn that not every subject is fun.

She has to focus, and you need to back me up on this!

Math.

I'll give you math.

This minus this equals nothing.

What do you want from me?!

I want you to stay in your room and study!

Fine!

And there's no TV!

And I don't wanna hear any music,

and I'm keeping this phone!

It's going well.

You know...

every child goes through this rebellious phase.

I did.

One time in church choir, we were all supposed to sing

"What a Friend We Have in Jesus,"

and my friend and I sang

"What a Friend We Have in Cheeses."

It seems like it was just yesterday Ally was so nice...

cute little smile, little blonde curls.

I have blonde curls.

Yeah, you do, Ma.

What are you gonna do? How're you gonna handle this?

She's basically grounded.

There's no TV, no phone,

no contact with the outside world

until she gets her math grade up.

- Complete lockdown, huh? - Yeah.

You know, in the big house, solitary can go either way.

Sometimes they come out and they're nice and docile,

and other times, you open the cell and aahhh!

I'd hate to see Ally go that way.

I just felt so sorry for Mr. Putnam.

Kids have no respect today.

I got his lozenges.

You know, Mr. Putnam is the teacher.

He should get respect automatically.

You know, Debra...

now, don't take this as a criticism...

But brace yourself just in case.

You can't expect

to impose discipline on children

who have never had any.

You have to teach them when they're young.

That's how they learn respect.

You deny them water.

If you're their source of water, they respect you.

What bothers me is that, right away,

she took the teacher's side.

Oh, Ally's "F" is the teacher's fault?

She's getting good grades in all her other classes.

Why can't you accept that maybe it's him?

I just know this Mr. Putnam. He's not a good teacher.

It's... it's all about him.

"Math is great. Kids are bad!"

It's not the teacher's fault! It's Ally.

No! No, teachers are fine,

but some teachers can't relate to kids.

Remember that French teacher I had in high school?

Oh, you mean Monsieur LeFevre?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Except his real name was Mr. Leftkowitz.

That's right. He made everybody call him Monsieur LeFevre.

- Terrible teacher. - Why?

Because he... he thought he was so...

French?

Yeah. That's right. He was a phony.

I hated him. And he hated me.

We had to memorize these French dialogues from records,

and at the end of the sentence it would go, "beep!"

And you had to repeat the sentence.

Like, uh, "Ou est Sylvie?" Beep.

"A la piscine," beep.

So one day, I go, "Monsieur LeFevre!

Do French people really beep like that?"

Yeah. He got mad.

You know why? 'Cause it got a big laugh.

- But it's not funny. - Then why did people laugh?

- Nobody laughed. - Yes, they did!

- You were never funny. - You were never funny!

- How'd that class work out? - I failed!

That's funny!

Pulled their asses out of two wars... the French.

What did they give us?

A disgusting way to kiss.

Who are you talking to, Dad?

Where was that attitude when I needed it?

You could've defended me.

What, and walk all the way to the school?

I wasn't putting on pants for that.

You never stuck up for me.

You always took the teacher's side. And you too, Ma.

Just like Debra's doing now.

That's right... the same!

Excuse me, Raymond. I was not like Debra.

I did defend you with Monsieur LeFevre.

What? Why... what'd you do?

I went down to that school

and gave that man a piece of my mind,

even though your behavior in that class was deplorable

and is the reason that you and I cannot converse in French today.

You did that? Well... why didn't you tell me?

Because you should respect teachers.

Plus Robert would've wanted me to do it for him.

Why wouldn't you do it for me?

How about when I was 13 years old

and my basketball coach called me "the useless giraffe"?

You were 6'5".

You couldn't get a couple of rebounds?

You see that, Debra? You stick up for your kids.

You mean your kid who's supposed to be in her room

doing her math homework

and whose math notebook is down here on the table?

Look at the scribbles on this.

"Tommy and Ally forever." "I heart Tommy."

"Ally Sanders."

Oh, you see? That's not even Ally's notebook.

I'm thinking that's Tommy's last name.

Oh my God. Who's... who's this Tommy Sanders?

Must be some boy at school.

Well, he's not just "some boy."

I think he's "the boy."

What? What? What? What's that supposed to mean?

Ally told me about him.

He has long brown hair and he's really funny

and he's not stuck-up at all.

Call the police.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Ally talks to you?

Yeah, but just about this.

And I'm not any help at all.

But I think maybe one reason

that Ally's not doing well in math

is because Tommy's in that class.

But please don't tell her I told you, because I pinkie-swore.

God, I wish she had told me.

You know, I have to say,

it's very upsetting that Ally would choose to talk to Amy

instead of her own grandmother.

Excuse me.

Uh, yes, hello?

Hi, it's me again... Debra Barone.

Oh, yes. Hi. Sorry. How are you?

Good. I just wanted to follow up

on our great discussion from yesterday.

- Oh? - Yeah.

I think we figured out what the problem is.

And it's nobody's fault.

It seems Ally has a little crush on Tommy Sanders

and that's what's been distracting her in class.

I couldn't go to her about it

because she doesn't know that I know.

She told my sister-in-law Amy...

instead of me.

I guess it's because, uh, Amy is sweet

and nice and not judgmental.

And I'm just the mother.

Anyway, that's what's going on with Ally.

I just thought you'd wanna know.

- Oh. Oh, can I tell you something? - Sure.

I don't care.

Excuse me?

I don't care what her problem is.

Your sister-in-law isn't the only one

that knows that Ally likes Tommy Sanders.

Everybody knows!

Ally likes Tommy, and Suzy likes Tommy,

and blah-blah likes Bucky, and who-who likes Beebie,

and none of it has anything to do with math!

Their... their home lives and their love lives

and their social lives are not my problem.

That is my problem. And the answer is pi.

You see? Nobody cares about the work,

even though that is the business of this classroom.

Okay, I just thought you might be interested.

I'm not.

I'm not.

I understand. I just thought it might help.

It doesn't.

Anything else?

I have 30 distracted chatterboxes

on their way in here to get this wrong!

Lf... if you really wanna help,

be a parent at home

and let me be the teacher here.

Okay.

I hear you. Yep, got it.

- Can I say one thing? - Yes.

You are mean, and I wouldn't marry you.

Who took my lozenges?

So I'm all, "No way,"

and she's like, "I would totally buy it."

Hi.

I was just getting water. Is that okay?

Uh, wait a minute.

I wanna talk to you.

I saw Mr. Putnam today.

Again? Oh my God.

Hold on a minute.

I see your point about him.

What?

He is a little mean.

And I think he doesn't understand

all the stresses that kids are under today.

And I see now it's not just a black-and-white issue,

and I just wanted you to know that.

Whoa.

Thanks, Mom.

This doesn't mean we can forget math.

- You still have to work on your math. - Oh.

But I just want you to know

if you ever need to talk about it,

or if there's ever a situation other than math

that you want to talk about...

I want you to know that you can always talk to me.

Okay.

Okay.

You want a snack or something?

Sure.

I have some, um...

pretzels, potato chips, yogurt ball things...

Are all boys stupid?

Yes...

Why?

There's this boy in my math class.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Tommy Sanders.

Oh.

Well, he told Suzy he liked me,

and I thought he did.

And then I saw him talking to Suzy like he liked her.

And now I don't know what to do.

Well...

talking about it is good.

I mean, this is just all a part of growing up.

Does he still talk to you?

Yeah.

Well, maybe he's talking to Suzy about you too.

Though it's hard to tell with boys.

I have to say they're way more shy than we are.

Well, maybe. I mean...

when I look at him in class, he does smile at me.

See? That's a good sign.

So maybe... not during class... but after class,

you could talk to Tommy.

And maybe you and Tommy and some of your friends

could go out sometime.

Wait a minute!

Hi, Ray.

What the hell is going on in that math class?

After math class.

Tommy's a nice boy, and Ally just...

Na-na-na-na-ba-ba-ba-bah!

You are in school to learn, young lady.

Okay? And math class is for math, not boys!

You're not looking over here, you're not looking over there.

The only boy you're looking at is Mr. Putnam.

That's right. Okay?

So, none of this boy talk.

You're... you're 13 years old.

What's... what's going on in that school?

I don't now, but maybe the principal should know.

And... and...

Hello? Who is this?

Oh, Tommy!

Yeah, you thought you could hide in the fridge.

It makes plenty of sense!

She's doing her math homework,

and I suggest you do the same. Thank you.

Listen to your teacher, and back me up on this!