Snott Pilgrim vs. the Wonderful World of Disney / Malcolm in the Middle Earth

(Start at the house while music plays and the red text "PUBLIC DOMAIN MUSIC" flies around)

Stephen Stills: Snott! Snott Pilgrim!

Snott Pilgrim: Uh, what?

(SNOTT PILGRIM

AGE: MIGHT AS WELL BE 6.

FUN FACT: NOT AN ACTUAL PILGRIM.)

Stephen Stills: I thought we said no more girlfriends at rehearsal. I mean first there was Knives, then Flowers, and now SNOW?

Snott Pilgrim: You should've seen her before the makeover. [A picture of Snow White] Much better, huh?

Snow White: How did you get in this picture?

Snott Pilgrim: Oh, I move around a lot.

Snow White: You're an awesome boyfriend, Snott.

Snott Pilgrim: Hey, it's just great to date a girl without seven evil exes.

Snow White: Well, the thing is--

(BUST!)

Doc: Snott Pilgrim, step away from our princess!

(Scene goes to the title card "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World but with the word "World" being crossed out with "the Wonderful World Of Disney) being drawn and making the title to ("Snott Pilgrim vs. the Wonderful World of Disney")

Snott Pilgrim: I'm not gonna fight a bunch of old-- (CENSORED)

[all gasp]

Grumpy: Did he said the M word?

Happy: Munchkins?

Doc: No, the other one!

Snott Pilgrim: I said old men. I don't even know why they bleeped it.

Doc: Dwarves, begin musical attack!

Dwarves: Hohaah!

(As the Dwarves chant, their music summons Chernabog)

Snott Pilgrim: Oh, no you don't!

(Snott uses his guitar to summon....a broom? Unfortunately, Chernabog looks at the broom, and quickly smacks Snott with it.)

Snott Pilgrim: Ahhh!!!!!

Doc: Meet the first three moody dwarves. Sleepy, Bashful, and Sneezy. Attack!

Sneezy: Achoo!

(WUMP!)

Snott Pilgrim: Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! [Snott has an idea, then a light bulb appears] Nosy dwarf, meet nasal spray!

(SPLURT!)

Sneezy: Thanks, that's actually much bet--

[he punches Sneezy, then he turns into diamonds]

Snott Pilgrim: Oh, cool, diamonds.

Grumpy: Get your hands off those diamonds.

(GRUMPY

AGE: WHAT DO YOU CARE?

DISPOSITION: DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO ASK?)

Snott Pilgrim: Grumpy, eh? Well I got enough grr to make you Lumpy. (POW!)

(Grumpy turns into diamonds)

Doc: Enough grr to make you Lumpy? That doesn't even make sense.

Snott Pilgrim: Neither is you dating Snow.

Snow White: He does have a Ph.D.

Doc: Yeah, in kick-butt-thology.

(DOC

STATUS: ARE YOU STILL READING THIS?)

Snott Pilgrim: Wait, I can't hit a guy with glasses.

Doc: Oh, well, I'll take them off.

[Doc hits himself in the face with his pickake, then he turns into diamonds]

Snott Pilgrim: So, can we grab a slice or something?

Snow White: Not until you face Dopey.

Snott Pilgrim: Here we- hey, you have big ears like I do, and do you wear a hat because you got scraggly hair? Yeah, that's what I thought, I do too. Hey, thanks.

Snow White: Um, aren't you going to fight him for me?

Snott Pilgrim: Actually, I like this other girl now. (Cut to a rock in the ocean) This is really nice. You wanna listen to some records or something?

Ariel: Sure, but first you have to defeat my seven deadly seas.

Snott Pilgrim: I gotta stop dating. [the seven deadly seas attack Snott just as the segment ends]

Snott Pilgrim

 * Age: Might as well be six.
 * Fun Fact: Not actually a pilgrim.

Grumpy

 * Age: What do you care?!
 * Disposition: Do you have to ask?

Doc

 * Status: Are you still reading this?

(Scene begins at the house with Malcom and Reese eating Life is Unfair cereal.)

Malcolm: Ooh, there's a prize inside this box of cereal.

Resse: What is it? I want it! (Fights over the prize inside Life is Unfair.)

Malcolm: Being a middle child means every morning is a battle just to get breakfast.

(The box of Life is Unfair rips. They both grab the ring.)

Lois: Malcolm! Reese! We promised your little brother he could have the prize this time! Now give Dewey the ring.

(Dewey/Gollum intercepts the ring.)

Dewey: Precious...

Lois: Yes, honey, you're my 'precious'.

Malcolm: One mom to rule them all.

[Title card: Malcolm in the Middle Earth]

Gandalf: And remember the science fair is today. If you don't turn in your project, you shall not pass! (Bangs stick on ground)

Malcolm: He's always so dramatic.

(After science...)

Peter Pevensie: Hey, Malcolm.

(Scene shifts to the Pevensies, or "those snooty exchange students from Narnia".)

Malcolm: Oh no, it's those snooty exchange students from Narnia.

Edmund Pevensie: What's your project for the science fair?

Susan Pevensie: Ours is a wardrobe that transports you into a magical world.

(...which is actually the school bathroom.)

Student: AAAAHHHH! (Splash!) AAAAHHHH! (Splash!) AAAAHHHH! (Splash!)

Malcolm: That's the school bathroom.

Peter Pevensie: We're working on it.

Malcolm: Hey Treevie, what's your project?

Treevie: I'm...going...to...make...

Malcolm: Oh man, if I fail the science fair, Mom will send me to military school, like Francis!

(Cuts to Mordor Military School.)

Francis: Hey, uh, after all this death marching, you guys wanna play cards or something?

(Back to school. After naptime...)

Resse: Check it out! I stole the ring from Dewey during naptime. Look, it turns you invisible.

POW!

Malcolm: Ow! If you're gonna hit me, at least let me see you.

Resse: I have to stay invisible so Dewey doesn't find me.

CHOMP!

Resse: Aw, come on. Now I can't trace my hands and make a turkey for Thanksgiving! (he starts to chase after Dewey, running very fast)

Treevie: a...homemade...

(Science fair.)

Gandalf: It's time to review your science projects.

Lyra Belacqua: I put armor on a bear.

(squish)

Gandalf: Perhaps you should've put a diaper on him as well.

Resse: Hehehehe! Hahaha!

Finn: Ow!

Resse: Hahaha!

Edmund Pevensie: Pretty great, huh?

Mr. Tumnus: Wha- Where am I?

Resse: Hahahaha!

[punches]

Resse: Get off!

Dewey: Precious!

[crashes]

Susan Pevensie: Our wardrobe!

Schlock: This is most illogical.

CHOMP!!

Resse: Ow! Stop doing that!

(Dewey spits out the ring, then Reese punches him. Up goes the prize from Life is Unfair.)

Dewey: [dramitacal] No!!!!

Malcolm: I made a volcan...ohh.

Gandalf: We have a winner.

Malcolm: Really?

Gandalf: Well, considering the rest of therse are magic-based, I said you win for actually using science.

(Malcolm, Reese, and Dewey walk out of the room, with Malcolm's first-place award.)

Malcolm: Well, it all worked out.

Treevie: paper...mache...volcano.

Malcolm: Ohhoho, that's what I made.

Treevie: [breathes] Darn!

(Title card again: Malcom in the Middle Earth)