Like a Rock!

[PANTING]

Omi: [YELLING][GRUNGING]

Kimiko: Nice, Omi! Eight seconds faster than Raimundo.

Raimundo: Yeah, you’re one slippery little dude.

Omi: I foolishly and shamefully lost a quarter-second on the sandbags. As you might say, I smell bad.

Raimundo: I stink, not I smell bad.

Omi: I stink?

Raimundo: Yeah, and you smell bad too. [SNICKERS]

Kimiko: All right, Clay, you’re the last one up.

Clay: So all I got to do is be the fastest to get to that doggie?

Omi: Correct.

Clay: All right. [DEEP BREATH]

Raimundo: Your record’s safe. Clay’s element is earth; speed of a rock.

Kimiko: Ready, set, go!

Clay: Here you go. Think I shaved a few seconds off your record, Omi.

[ALL LAUGH]

Omi: But- But you are supposed to go run and jump and kick!

Clay: I didn’t much see the point of all that whoopin’ and hollerin’ so long as I got the dog.

Raimundo: Or, you knew you couldn’t beat us with your old man kung fu.

Omi: [LAUGHING] Raimundo mocks Clay’s Tai Chi by calling it “old man kung fu!” He implies that Clay is like an old man doing kung fu! [LAUGHS HARDER]

Kimiko: Omi, ix-nay on the easing-tay

Master Fung: Is there something funny about old men and their kung fu, young monk?

Omi: [GASPS] Master Fung.

Master Fung: You do recall, Omi, that the oldest oak in the grove is by far the strongest, yes?

Omi: Yes, master. Um…Clay cheated!

Master Fung: Oh? There is more to being a Xiaolin Dragon than running and jumping, young monk.

Omi: Oh yes, Master! There is kicking too!

Master Fung: True, but being a Xiaolin Dragon also means seeing the world in a different way. For example, finding simple solutions to complicated problems. Well done, Clay.

Clay: Thank you, sir.

Dojo: Look alive, people. We’ve got a hot Shen Gong Wu.

Master Fung: The Fist of Tebigong. A most powerful Shen Gong Wu, indeed.

Raimundo: Ooh, it packs a punch. Literally.

[ ]

[CHIMES]

[RUMBLING]

Master Fung: Quickly, young ones. Choose your own Shen Gong Wu for battle.

Raimundo: Dibs on the Eye of Dashi!

Omi: No! You cannot have it! Raimundo, you do not know what it will do.

Raimundo: Sure I do, it’s supposed to shoot lightning or something. Besides, I called it.

Omi: But I won it in the Showdown. I should be the first to use it.

Master Fung: Fighting over a Shen Gong Wu? Are you two trying to start a Xiaolin Showdown?

Omi: Master Fung, please decide which of us should take the Eye of Dashi.

Master Fung: Hmm. It should go to the winner of the obstacle course challenge.

Omi: Yes! In your head, Raimundo!

Raimundo: In your face.

Omi: Talk to my fingers!

Master Fung: I didn’t mean you, Omi. Clay was the fastest.

Omi: What?! But he-

Clay: Much obliged, Master Fung, sir.

Master Fung: The Mantis Flip Coin and Two-Ton Tunic.

Raimundo: Yeah, yeah, all right.

Kimiko: Thank you Master Fung.

Omi: I get no Shen Gong Wu?

Master Fung: We have but three, Omi. If you want one, I suggest you retrieve the Fist of Teibigong.

Dojo: You heard the man. C’mon, shake your tails, we got a Shen Gong Wu to find.

[ ]

Jack: Yeah, I like it. This Third Arm Sash is tight.

Wuya: Insolent boy! You are misusing the power of a Shen Gong Wu!

Jack: Oh, c’mon, what’s the point of taking over the world if you can’t have a little fun? Look at me. I can juggle.

Wuya: You are wasting time! The Fist of Teibigong awaits! It must be mine!

Jack: Ah, ah ah, we’re partners, remember? So that Shen Gong Wu is ours. [SIPS] Unless you can suddenly pick things up with those see-through hands.

Wuya: [GROWLS]

Jack: [CHUCKLES] Yeah, that’s what I thought. Power down, we’ll get your fist thing as soon as I’m done. You got a problem? Hey, go walk against wind somewhere else.

[ ]

Jack: First order of business when I rule the world: vaporize all mimes.

[ ]

[WHOOSHING OF LASSO]

Jack: Huh? Wait a minute, what’s goin’ on here? [BEEPING] Okay clown you’re toast!

Wuya: Wait! This mime has magical abilities.

[RATTLING]

Jack: [GRUNTS]

Wuya: Yes, I believe he may be of use to us. Or do you require another demonstration?

Jack: No, I’m good.

Wuya: [CHUCKLES]

[ ]

[WIND RUSHING]

Dojo: The Fist of Teibigong must be close, ‘cause I’m getting a wicked case of Shen Gong Wu rash. [SCRATCHING]

Kimiko: Could you be more specific?

Dojo: Yeah, it kinda itches here, but it’s more burny down here, behind my tail I’ve got this unsightly cracking. I mean it it’s-

Kimiko: I meant with the location of the Shen Gong Wu. Can you tell us exactly where it is?

Raimundo: Yeah, instead of making us look behind every- [GASPS] Jack Spicer!

Jack Spicer: Surprise, surprise. Robo-minions.

[CLANG] [BLADES SWIRLING]

Omi: Water! [GRUNTS AND YELLS]

Raimundo: Wind! Hey robot, forget something?

Kimiko: Fire! [YELLS]

Dojo: Woah, woah, woah. Hey watch out! Uh, Clay, big fight here. Wanna get in the game?

Clay: Just takin’ my cleansin’ breath. Now I’m ready. [GRUNTS][YELLS]

Dojo: [YELLS]

Kimiko: Two-Ton Tunic! Are you all right?

Clay: Don’t worry about us none. Just get that Shen Gong Wu.

Raimundo: Mantis Flip Coin. [YELLS] Bet you wish you had this Shen Gong Wu.

Omi: Yes. But you need it more than me.

Jack: [SCREAMS]

Omi: The battle is over, Spicer! You lost.

Jack: What ever shall we do?

Wuya: Perhaps they should meet our new friend, Le Mime.

Kimiko: [GIGGLES] You brought a mime?

Raimundo: What’re you gonna do? Annoy us to death?

Kimiko: Look at him, he’s pretending to put us inside a box. [LAUGHS] So lame. Oh no, we are trapped. We can not get out.

Omi: Very silly. I- [GRUNTS] Hey.

Raimundo: Ow. There is a wall here.

Kimiko: Uh, guys, we really are trapped.

[GRUNTING]

Jack: You kids have fun. We’re off to get the Fist of Teibigong.

[ ]

[GRUMBLING]

Clay: Hey, what’re y’all doin’ here? Shouldn’t you be roundin’ up that Fist of Teibigong? What’s that? I can’t hear you.

Dojo: Oh! They’re playin’ charades.

Clay: Odd time for fancy pants parlor games, but you guys know best.

[ ]

Clay: Let’s see…I reckon that’s-

Dojo: Fabric softener! An igloo! Tooth decay! Danish ham! It’s sun-cured ham!

Clay: Nope, that’s a monkey if I ever seen one. Maybe a lemur.

Raimundo: [GROWLING]

Omi: He cannot hear us.

Kimiko: He thinks we’re playing charades.

Raimundo: Fine, I gotta charade for him.

Clay: You.

Dojo: Raimindo. Good Start. Heine, tukus, gluteus maximus.

Clay: Butt.

Dojo: Right. Kick.

Clay: Kick.

Dojo: You.

Clay: Me. Raimundo’s gonna kick my- hey!

Dojo: Ooh. Five yards for unnecessary roughness.

Clay: Mister, you done made me mad. I’m gonna- ooh. H-hey. What?

Raimundo: I-t’s So-me So-rt of in-vi-si-ble box. Hey. Took him long enough.

Kimiko: Move. [BEEPING]

Clay: Trapped by mime magic. Stop jack, get Shen Gong Wu!

Dojo: Magic mime? They’ve always been obnoxious, but now they’re dangerous too? Hey! Woah!

Omi: Our fates rest in Clay’s hands.

Kimiko: So what you’re saying is: we’re doomed.

Raimundo: Been nice knowin’ you guys.

Omi: Kimiko, Raimundo, we must have faith in our comrade, Clay.

Raimundo: Old man kung fu to the rescue? Pfft, not in this life.

Kimiko: Face it, Omi. If Clay’s our last hope, we’re hopeless.

Raimundo: Good-bye Fist of Teibigong.

Kimiko: Hello 10,000 years of darkness.

Omi: You may have a point. [YELLS]

[ ]

Dojo: Warmer. You’re getting warmer. Yeah, that Fist of Teibigong is so near, I can practically- Brakes!

Clay: Don’t want no trouble, Mime.

Dojo: One of you guys gonna do something?

Clay: Seems like the fella don’ mean any harm.

Dojo: Beat it, Frenchie!

Clay: He’s doin’ everything I do.

Dojo: The mirror gag. Man, I hate mimes.

[ ]

Dojo: Cute, but we do have a Shen Gong Wu to find.

Clay: I reckon’ I got an idea.

[GONG]

Dojo: Woah. Way to take one for the team.

Raimundo: [YELLING]

Kimiko: Give it a rest, Raimundo.

Raimundo: No, there has got to be some way out of here. [YELLS] Okay. Those walls are solid.

Kimiko: Let me try. [YELLS]

Raimundo: [GROANS]

Kimiko: You’re right. Those walls are solid.

Omi: Silence, please.

[SWISHING]

Raimundo: Why?

Omi: Oh, come on, I just said “silence.” I even said “please.”

Raimundo: Sorry.

Kimiko: Just want to know what you’re doing, Omi.

Omi: I am building my chi so that I can perform the ancient and fearsome Tsunami Strike. It’ll be cold dud.

Kimiko: Cool, dude.

Omi: I stand corrected. Now, silence please.

[ ]

[YELLING]

[WATER SWISHING]

Omi: You are right. Those walls are very solid.

[RUMBLING]

Wuya: I sense the Fist of Teibigong. It’s close.

Jack: We’ll find it. My robots will turn this mountain to rubble if they have to.

[DRILLING]

Jack: See, mountain of rubble.

Wuya: Find me the Fist of Teibigong or I’ll-

Jack: What? Replace me?

Wuya: Hmm, there’s a thought.

Jack: Not likely.

Dojo: Wuya’s right. That fist is close.

Clay: C’mon. Move real quiet-like.

Dojo: Don’t insult me. I’m all about stealth. And I’m very- [YELLS] Hey. The Fist of Teibigong. Check me out with the moves.

Jack: Yeah, check you out.

Dojo: Uh-oh. Security!

Jack: [GRUNTS]

Dojo: I knew I could count on that gut. [SCREAMS]

Clay: Giddyup, Dojo!

Dojo: [PANTING]

Jack: [SCREAMS]

Wuya: Need I say it? Stop them!

Jack: Third-Arm Sash! Too slow, cowboy. Too slow.

[DRILLING]

[ ]

Omi: There must be some way out of this box.

Kimiko: If there is, I’m not seeing it. Then again, I’m not seeing the box.

Raimundo: Well, I’m not too proud to beg. Hey, hilarious mister mime guy! Let us out! We think mimes are charming and funny! Not at all stupid! Let. Us. Out!

[CLINKING]

Omi: Raimundo! Stop!

Kimiko: Yeah, splitting headache developing here.

Omi: Listen.

[CLINKING]

Omi: What is that?

Raimundo: The bars, duh.

Kimiko: This box has bars? I thought the walls were solid.

Raimundo: Well, they are, but there are bars too, I guess.

Kimiko: Or are there bars because you imagined them?

Raimundo: Don’t play mind games, girl.

Omi: So, if I imagine a door, will it be here too?

[CLICK]

Omi: Yes! Simple solutions to complicated problems.

Kimiko: Oh, check you out with the big brain.

Omi: My first girl-hug. May I have another?

Kimiko: Easy, Omi, one per customer.

Raimundo: Well, this is nice, eh? The three of us friends having a few laughs together. But where’s our fourth friend, Mr. Clay? Oh that’s right. He’s losing the Fist of Teibigong to Jack Spicer! Did you guys forget that?! [STEAMING]

[ ]

Wuya: What are you waiting for? Vaporize him! Jack: Wuya, Wuya, Wuya, How long have you been at this villain game?

Wuya: I wreaked havoc and destruction while the earth was still young and mankind was just crawling out of the mud.

Jack: And yet you still make amateur mistakes. Everyone knows, gloating first, then vaporizing. You’ve come far, Clay, but you didn’t count on the magnificently evil mind of Jack Spicer! [CACKLES] See? Good gloat. Great laugh.

Wuya: You talk too much.

Clay: Ghost lady’s got a point. Eye of Dashi.

Jack: [SCREAMS] It’s glowing!

Clay: It looks like we’re headed for a Xiaolin Showdown you dirty snake.

Omi: This way. Hurry.

Dojo: Hey guys, you’re just in time.

Jack: Clay, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdwon.

Clay: Name your game, Jack.

[CHIRPING]

Jack: That robin. First one to catch it wins.

Omi: Oh, catch a robin?

Clay: Okay, Jack, I accept your challenge.

[MOANING]

Jack: Sucker! Let’s go.

Jack and Clay: Xiaolin Showdown!

[WIND THRASHING]

[RUMBLING]

Kimiko, Raimundo, and Omi: Woah!

Kimiko: Still not used to that.

Jack: Ready, cowboy?

Clay: Ready as I’ll ever be.

Both: Gong yi tan pai!

Jack: [LAUGHS]

[CHIRPING]

Jack: Third-Arm Sash!

Kimiko: Jack’s on fire.

Omi: Yes, but Clay has yet to become enflamed.

Clay: [BREATHS DEEPLY]

Raimundo: Well, he’s breathing. I’m guessing he’s alive.

Omi: Does he not know the showdown has started?

Dojo: Don’t you worry your pretty little heads, my man Clay is…still doing nothing! Hey! Get your butt in there! Move!

Omi: Look out!

Jack: [LAUGHS]

[CHIRPING]

Omi: Seize the bird, Clay!

Kimiko: Do something!

Raimundo: At least shoot some lightning! I just wanna see it once!

[SWISHING]

[CHIRPING]

Kimiko: What’s he doing?

Raimundo: If I had to guess: flower arrangement.

Omi: This does not inspire confidence.

Dojo: Just tell me when it’s over.

Jack: [SCREAMS]

[CHIRPING]

Clay: Hey there little fella. Enjoy the grub.

Kimiko: He did it!

Raimundo: Excelente.

Clay: Oh, thanks y’all.

Omi: Clay has me tripping on very cold stones!

Raimundo: No, no, no. Clay’s got you stone cold trip- ah forget it.

Jack: [MOANING]

Wuya: Pathetic boy.

Jack: Can I get a rematch? Or a do-over? Something’s clearly wrong here. [WHIMPERS]

Omi: Eye of Dashi, the Fist of Teibigong, and the Third-Arm Sash.

Raimundo: Way to clean up, Clay.

Clay: I made out okay, I figure.

[ ]

Kimiko: Aw, look at clay. Beaming like the big hero.

Clay: Aw, now, you’re gonna make me blush.

Raimundo: So, Clay, can I give the Eye of Dashi a try?

Clay: Sure thing Ry.

Omi: What?! I should try it before you! I found it!

Raimundo: You snooze, you lose.

Omi: then perhaps I’ll try out the Fist of Teibigong on your head!

Kimiko: Guys, knock it off, or I’ll Third-Arm Sash your mouth off.

Clay: Besides, I’d like to think we all learned a little somethin’ today.

Kimiko: Never lose faith in a friend?

Omi: The value of simple solutions?

Raimundo: Omi can’t use slang?

Clay: Nope. We learned everybody hates mime.

[ALL LAUGH]