Restaurant Wars

[Episode begins at Beach Citywalk Fries]

(Steven walks up to the counter where Peedee is)

Steven: Give... me... the...

(Steven puts his fists down on the counter and pauses)

Peedee: Just hurry up and say it, Steven.

Steven: Mm, Actually... what else you got?

(Steven points his fingers at Peedee)

Peedee: You could order actual fries.

Steven: Nah. Let's really try and shake things up today.

(Steven throws his arms in the air)

Steven: I want to order (Steven puts his fingers in quotations) "off-menu."

Peedee: [sigh] You always order off-menu, Steven. Let me see what I can find. I'll be back in a sec.

Steven: I really appreciate it!

(Peedee goes into the back of the shop)

[Moments later]

Peedee: Steven! Check this out!

(Peedee puts a tray mozzarella sticks on the counter)

Peedee: Boom!

Steven: Mozzarella sticks!

(Steven picks up the tray)

Steven: With all the fixin's?!

Peedee: I can't believe it either! They were way back in the freezer for some reason. Feels good to fry something else for a change.

Steven: Thanks, Peedee.

(Steven walks down the boardwalk, taking a bite out of one of the mozzarella sticks. He passes Fish Stew Pizza where Kofi Pizza watches through the door. Kofi runs out of the pizzaria towards Steven.)

Kofi: Steven! What is this?!

Steven: (Steven's mouth full of food) Um...

Kofi: Bread... cheese... sauce! The basic elements of a pizza! Where did it come from?

(Steven points to Beach Citywalk Fries)

Steven: Mm.

Kofi: Fryman... infringing on my business. I have been ready for this day!

(Kofi walks back into Fish Stew Pizza and puts up a new sign that says "Now serving fries.")

Steven: [Muffled] "Now serving... fries"?!

(Drums play in the background)

Mr. Fryman: So... it begins anew. Eh, Kofi?

Kofi: Just like old times, Fryman.

Mr Fryman: Kofi!

Kofi: Fryman!

Kofi and Mr. Fryman: Res-tau-rant wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-r!

(Steven watches the two, confused.)

[''Black screen that says Restaurant War in red text. Underneath in white text it says First Strike'']

(Later in the day, fries, ketchup, pizza slices, bread sticks, and people are seen lying down on the ground. A seagull swoops down and takes a bread stick, and when Steven passes a shirt shop, the employee hides in fear and a random person Steven passes by says "Too Many Carbs". Then Steven spots a pizza mascot outside Beach Citywalk Fries.)

Steven: Peedee?

(Peedee turns to Steven and then looks away.)

Peedee: Don't look at me, Steven.

(Steven puts his hand on the mascot's shoulder which causes Peedee to scream.)

Steven: But...

Peedee: I said, don't look at me!

Steven: W-what happened?

Peedee: I violated the food treaty.

Steven: What do you mean?

Peedee: Years ago...

(A treaty is shown in the background with Mr. Fryman and Kofi shaking hands.)

Peedee: My dad and Kofi signed an agreement to not steal each other's business, but when I fried up those mozzarella sticks, (The background turns into flames.) I re-ignited the hot oil of war.

(Peedee sighs and puts his hand on his eye.)

Steven: [Sighs] Don't blame yourself. I was the one who wanted to shake things up.

Peedee: Oh, yeah. It's your fault.

Mr. Fryman: Hey, Steven! As a valued customer, I want to know your thoughts on a new menu item.

(Mr. Fryman pulls out a fried pizza.)

Mr. Fryman: Deep-fried Pizza!

Steven: A-actually, could I just get some fries?

Mr. Fryman: Sorry, we're all out of fries.

Steven: What?! Even the bits?!

(Mr. Fryman pulls out a tray of pizza bits.)

Mr. Fryman: We have pizza bits now.

Steven: But how can you guys be out of fries? This is the fry shop! You're Fryman! Look at your hair.

Mr. Fryman: What about my hair?

(In the back of the fry shop.)

Ronaldo: [Groans] I can't connect to Fish Stew Pizza's wifi.

Mr. Fryman: Hey, you got no time for interneting. You're doing deliveries now.

(Mr. Fryman takes Ronaldo's laptop and gives him a bag of food to deliver.)

Ronaldo: But I don't even have a car!

Mr. Fryman: You got those wheelie shoes, don't ya?

Ronaldo: Yeah...

(Ronaldo turns on the ball at the bottom of his left sneaker and skates out of the shop. Steven, looking guilty, walks away into Fish Stew Pizza where Kiki is taking orders and Jenny is behind the counter.)

Steven: Jenny, You're working the counter?

Jenny: I know right? Things have been crazy since the war has been back on!

Jenny: The phones have been ringing off the hook.

Kiki: I'll get it!

(Kiki picks up the phone off-screen.)

Kiki: Thanks for calling Fish Stew Pizza. We do fries now.

Jenny: Anyway, I'm obligated to tell you about our special new menu item.

(Jenny takes out a pen and notepad.)

Jenny: French-fried pizza with French-fried crust and twice-baked French fries on the side. [Sighs] 'Cause we do fries now.

Steven: I'd just rather have my usual --

Kofi: Steven!

Steven: Oh. hey, Kofi.

Kofi: Before you place your order, you must sign [Grunts as he picks up papers] these papers... and pledge your allegiance to Fish Stew Pizza! Not only that, you'll be issued a brand-new, permanent, V.I.P. pizza-eater card!

(Kofi takes out a branding iron that says VIP on it, scaring Steven out of Fish Stew Pizza.)

Mr. Fryman: Steven! Come back! (Running towards him) Hey, Steven, y-you forgot your pizza bits!

Steven: What? Aah!

Kofi: Steven! (Pulls out branding iron) Let me reward you for being such a good customer!

Steven: (Yells and runs away) Aah! What have I done?!

[Black screen with red text "Restaurant War" with white text under it saying "Hearts & Minds"]

(At The Temple)

Steven: (Off screen) Thank you all for coming. (Steven walks while in front of them while talking) Ronaldo... Kiki... Jenny... and Peedee, I've called you all here tonight because... (Turns around and slams hands on nearby table) this war between your parents has to stop!

Jenny: Steven, How do you think we feel?! Do you know how many metal concerts I've missed because of this war?

Kiki: How many?

Jenny: Mm, like... one?

Ronaldo: Do you know how much (Slams fists on table) blogging I haven't been able to do?!

Steven: I don't, but this is all my fault. If only my taste buds weren't so adventurous. I promise to find a way to work this out.

Peedee: How? There's no end in sight to all this fighting.

Steven: Hmm. We need to stop this hate with some sort of opposite of hate. [Gasps] Ronaldo!

Ronaldo: Hmm?

Steven: Kiki!

Kiki: Hmm?

Steven: You're sitting next to each other.

Kiki: Where are you going with this, Steven?

Steven: You guys should pretend to be in love! There won't be anytime for fighting if your families have to plan a wedding together.

Kiki: Well... I guess we could try? Anything to get this war over with.

Steven: All right! We'll fight this war with the power of love.!

Ronaldo: No way! We can't do this because I... have a girlfriend.

Jenny: Where's she at, though?

Peedee: You said what I was thinking.

Steven: Okay, you don't have to pretend to get married. Just pretend to be in love long enough to get this feud over with.

Ronaldo: I... got a bad feeling about this.

Jenny: Shut up, Ronaldo! Nothing bad is going to happen, and you'll get to spend time with the cutest girl in Beach City.

(Back at Beachcity boardwalk)

Ronaldo: (Holding up flowers dramatically) Ah, Kiki, my darling.

Kiki: Oh, Ronaldo, My sweet. (Holding the same type of flowers behind their back)

Ronaldo: (Running towards Kiki and her running to him) My dear, sweet Kiki, who I love with all my blog.

Mr. Fryman: (Sticks head out of window) What the...

Kiki: [Giggles] oh, Ronaldo, you're so sweet and quirky in a way I can tolerate.

Kofi: (Runs out the door) Kiki, why aren't you in here, working your shift?!

Mr. Fryman: Yeah, come on, Ronaldo. We got customers to take care of.

Ronaldo: But, Dad, ever since this war started, I've had to spend countless hours away from my beloved Kiki.

Kofi and Mr. Fryman: What?!

Kiki: It's true. The only way for us to be together is if we quit working!

Steven: (From a distance) Are you telling me that you two are involved in a romantic relationship?!

Ronaldo: That's right, Steven. We have been for some time now.

Kofi: (Watching Ronaldo) Mm-hmmm! You two are only hugging, right?

Ronaldo: Uh, yes, sir! Just hugs and longing looks. (chuckles nervously)

Mr. Fryman: Well, Kofi, love is a beautiful thing.

Kofi: Yes, love is beautiful. We must end this feud in order for this love to blossom.

Mr. Fryman: Yeah! The restaurant war is officially over!

Jane: Ronaldo? I come all this way to return your "Koala princess" DVDs, only to find you with another girl?

Jenny and Peedee: (Both slide between their Dads) Wha-a-a-a-a-t?!

Ronaldo: Jane, my sweet, this was all just a trick to get my dad to stop selling mozzarella sticks!

Jane: Save it for your blog -- Keep Beach City Single! (Jane runs away crying.)

Ronaldo: Jane, my Ohime-sama. Ooh! (Ronaldo falls on his face, crying of who he lost.)

Kofi: (Kofi and Mr. Fryman cross their hands) The deal is off!

Mr. Fryman: Guh! Fine by me! (Mr. Fryman starts walking away) Peedee, fire up those fryers!

Kofi: (Runs to his restaurant) Kiki, pick up the phone!

(Everyone else sighs.)

Ronaldo: (Whimpering and crying on the floor while holding out his hand) Ja-a-a-ane...

[Cut to the Temple Home.]

(Peedee's seated on a stair, Kiki, Steven, and Jenny on the couch, and Ronaldo walks around crying while texting on his phone.)

Jenny: Ugh, what are we gonna do?!

Steven: Hmm... Peedee said the last time the war ended because your dad and his dad came together to sign a treaty. How did that happen?

Kiki: Well, you know where Suitcase's Sams is? It used to be a restaurant called The Everything Buffet.

Jenny: Oh, yeah! They sold everything!

Kiki: But it wrecked the boardwalk's economy! Not one store could compete. But just when everyone thought all hope was lost, our Dad and Mr. Fryman teamed up and ran them out of town.

Steven: Hmm. Another restaurant eh? I think I have a plan.

[Black screen with red text "Restaurant War" with white text under it saying "Operation: Let's get cooking."]

[Outside Steven's house, this time with a cardboard sign stating "Steven's"]

(Kofi's family and Mr. Fryman's family await as Steven opens the door.)

Steven: Welcome to the Grand opening of Steven's. Right this way. (Steven holds the door as he points his customers to their seats.)

(Mr. Fryman removes his cap as a sign of respect and manners.)

Peedee: Hmph, Nice Ambiance.

Mr. Fryman: Ahem! (Mr. Fryman crosses his hands) It's all right.

Kofi: There are not enough tables!

Kiki: There are just enough tables, daddy.

(The Frymans take their seats at the closest table, while the Pizzas take their seats at the only other table in the room.)

Pearl: (Approaches the Frymans, dressed as a waiter) Hello, gentlemen. May I take your order?

Ronaldo: I'm full... of sadness! (Begins sobbing uncontrollably and slams his head down on the table)

Mr. Fryman: I will have the Fantastic Fries.

Pearl: (Writing the order down) Order taken. (Walks to the Pizzas' table)

Mr. Fryman: (Leans toward Peedee) I bet they're not as fantastic as ours.

Pearl: And for you?

Kofi: I will have the Pizza Bagel! (Pearl walks away.) I doubt a pizza bagel can beat pizza that isn't on a bagel. (Chuckles)

(Pearl hands Steven the orders.)

Steven: Ah, let's see. Wonderful -- two of our best dishes!

Pearl: Our only dishes.

Steven: Amethyst, order up! Fire one fry and one pizza! (Claps twice)

Amethyst: Yes, chef!

(Steven and Amethyst prepare the meals.)

Pearl: (Setting down the pizza bagel in front of Kofi) Here's your order, sir.

Kofi: Heh, pizza on a bagel, indeed!

Pearl: (Setting down a plate of fries in front of Mr. Fryman) And for you, sir.

Mr. Fryman: Uh, can I get some ketchup?

Pearl: Sorry, no additions or substitutions.

Mr. Fryman: Ha! This place is all talk! You can't have fries without ketchup. (Eats a fry and is suddenly stricken with disbelief) The ketchup... is inside the fries!?

(Steven smirks, realizing that he has bested Fryman.)

Kofi: There's cream cheese in this pizza bagel. It adds a whole other level of flavor! And with pizza on a bagel, you can eat pizza any time!

Mr. Fryman: It's amazing!

Kofi: It's genius!

(Mr. Fryman and Kofi look at each other and nod in agreement. The two then angrily approach Steven.)

Steven: Ah, gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed your meal. Is there something I can help you with?

Mr. Fryman: Steven, (Cracks his knuckles) we didn't want to have to do this, but... (Clasps his hands together)

Kofi: Please, shut this place down!

Steven: What's this? You want me to close my lovely establishment?

Mr. Fryman: (Drops to his knees, hands clasped. Kofi does the same.) Steven, we're begging you!

Kofi: We can't compete with a place like this!

Mr. Fryman: You'll drive us out of business!

Kofi: (Points at the door) There's already a line!

(Screen cuts to show the door, with Onion standing on the other side, fork in hand.)

Steven: I'll close up shop under one condition.

Kofi and Mr. Fryman: Anything!

Steven: Stop this foolish war! Cook for yourselves and the good of the boardwalk! No more cooking out of hate and spite.

(Mr. Fryman and Kofi smile at each other.)

Kofi: Let's just do, what we do best!

Mr. Fryman: Agreed!

(Mr. Fryman and Kofi hug each other.)

Peedee, Kiki, and Jenny: Yeah!

(The families celebrate, with the exception of Ronaldo, who still has his face down on the table.)

Jenny: Good job, daddy.

Mr. Fryman: Do you hear that, Ronaldo? The war's over!

(Ronaldo, still crying, gives a thumbs up.)

Steven: Glad that's settled. (Looks at the Gems in the kitchen) Y'all help me clean this place up.

Amethyst: Sorry. we on break.

(Screen stars in on Garnet, who gives two claps before the screen cuts to black.)

[Episode ends.]