Mission Mania

Synced and corrected By Katniss Everdeen That's the last few. Everybody's safe, including one very ungrateful grizzly. Oh, shut it! Fire Department can handle things from here. Great work, guys. Ah, life is so much better now we don't have to keep our missions a secret. I know. Now people can tell us how great we are right to our faces. Adam, Bree and Chase. Adam, Bree and Chase. Are you kidding me? I've been going on missions for over a month. How can these people not know my name? Maybe you should change it to something people won't forget, like, uh, Gregorio Spiridakis, or Pickles O'Malley. Can I have your attention, please? I'd like to point out that Adam, Bree and Chase weren't the only heroes. I personally saved six people. Adam, Bree, Chase, and that guy. Adam, Bree, Chase, and that guy. All right, the six I saved, back in the fire. The world's first bionic superhumans. They're stronger than us. Faster. Smarter. The next generation of the human race is living on a bionic island. So long story short, Donnie put me in charge of developing technology for the academy. But only on a trial basis. Why just a trial basis? I honestly don't know. You tried to annihilate his whole family. Come on, you met him. Can you blame me? Don't worry, big guy. I'm sure you'll wipe him out next time. The point is, I have the chance to get back into my brother's good graces. So I've been working on some new devices that are really going to impress Donnie. What do you guys wanna see first? The Stabber 2000? Plague in a bottle? Uh-oh. Here comes the pencil bazooka. You can't erase the injuries this thing will cause. How would any of those be used at the academy? How should I know? This one with the questions. Look, Douglas. Big D. Doesn't want violent devices. He wants things that are going to improve our lives. I don't know if that's really in my wheelhouse. I have been destroying things for years, and now I'm supposed to help people? Where did my life go so wrong? Come on, Douglas. You must have something. Well Maybe this'll work. Ooh, Italian furniture. I approve. No! It's my lie detector chair. Ya strap somebody into it, and ask 'em questions. It analyzes their vocal patterns, and determines if they're telling the truth. I like it. But do you have anything in a lie-detecting hammock? Just try it out. Don't mind if I do. Wait. This thing's not gonna zap me if I tell a lie, is it? - No. - Okay, good. It'll spin you around in speeds up to Mach 3. What?! It's like a merry-go-round with a horribly violent twist. On second thought, I'm late for class. Are you okay? Yeah. I feel great. You keep me in this thing, I'm definitely gonna ruin it. So, what do you guys think? I think you need to start looking for a new job. Your inventions shouldn't hurt the students. Ugh. Why does this school always have to be about the kids? Hey, Leo, we got a mission alert. You wanna come and not get noticed? Hey, can we go, too? Sorry, kid. You're still not mission-ready yet. Man, they're never gonna give me a chance. Don't let it bother you. I think you're mission-ready. Ooh. Ouch. Right on the Stabber 2000. We got a mission alert from this address, ma'am. What's the emergency? And don't panic, because Adam, Chase and Leo are here. My cat, Colonel Cuddles, ran up this tree. Can you please get him down? I don't think it classifies as a mission if we can be replaced by a ladder. I mean, seriously, we're rescuing a cat from a tree? No. We're rescuing a raccoon from a tree. Aw, cute. He's chewing on that sleeping squirrel. Guys, I just got five new mission alerts. Sounds like five more opportunities for this guy to be a hero. This guy? I thought you were that guy. Make up your mind. Come on, let's go! Wait. What about my cat? It's at your feet, ma'am, where it's been the whole time. Oh. Fifteen straight missions, and not one real emergency. What a waste of my immense talent and unique skill set. Yeah. I don't know which mission was more annoying, the lady who ran out of gas, or the guy who didn't know which side dish to order. I do. The lady who ran out of gas. I had to watch her push her car for two miles. Guys, I feel proud to spend time with our adoring public. Now if you'll excuse me, America's newest bionic hero is about to get busy with some baby grapes. I don't get it. How did all those people know how to contact us? It's easy. You just touch a bunch of numbers until someone says hello. Guys, I think I know what's going on. Look. How could he do that? Well, there's a printer, there's a copy shop. A ton of places online. Ah, the life of a bionic hero. Am I right, people? Yeah. Nothing says bionic hero like cheap business cards. They had to be cheap. How else was I supposed to afford 10,000 of them? Why would you do this? I just wanted people to know I was part of the team. Did they airbrush your biceps? No. I did. This was a terrible idea, Leo. Relax. It's just a few little business cards. Look. My commercial's on. Hello. My name is Leo Dooley. Are you the victim of an accident or terrible disaster? If so, great. I can help. That's me. I'm Leo Dooley. My bionic team can solve any life-threatening situation. And remember the Leo Dooley promise. If I don't save your life, your next mission is free. Call now. Not responsible for any injuries caused during actual rescue. Leo, I can't believe you did that. I can't believe no one told me we were charging for missions. Where's my cut? We don't charge for missions. - Do we? - No. Leo, that is not cool. Relax. It's just one little commercial, and it's only run once. Hola. Me llamo Leo Dooley. Hey, how's it goin'? Invent anything for the academy that won't scar us for life? It's all still too dangerous. The safest thing I've got is this nerve gas. It only eats half your brain. Let's put a pin in that one. Hey, maybe we can help you come up with something else. Oh, I know. A metal box that heats up bread, and makes it crispy so you can put butter on it. It's called a toaster, Bob. It was invented 150 years ago. How about a machine that takes you - from the first floor to the second? - Elevator. - Then how about stairs that move? - Escalator. - Stairs that don't move. - Stairs, Bob! I have one for you. How about a machine that gets rid of all the things that drive you crazy? Ooh, I like it. - What's it called? - A hydraloop. No, wait! He'll be back. He always comes back. We've got mission alerts coming in from all across the country. There's no way we can handle 'em all. I told you we should've opened up a Canadian branch. Great. Now that you added a phone number to the system, the whole world has direct access to us. That's right. Worldwide, baby. We have no way to differentiate between a real emergency and some guy who can't find one of his shoes. I'm sorry; I panicked. Next time, I'll check my feet first. Okay, well, what are we gonna do? I bet most of these alerts aren't even for legitimate missions. We don't have a choice. We have to ignore some of them, and let the local authorities handle it. You can't do that. I made a promise to help people, in two languages, and I'm working on a third for my Chinese friends. When people call in a mission alert, they expect Leo Dooley to show up. But with bigger biceps. Or biceps. That's the sixth false alarm from Highland Hills today. Sorry, Leo. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me four, five, six times, I'm stayin' home. So you're just gonna blow it off? We have to. We don't have the manpower. Then I guess I'm going to Highland Hills alone. I better hurry. That place is scary after dark. Hey, if anything goes wrong, you can always call the guy with the big biceps, but, uh, prepare to be disappointed. Oh, I got one. A machine that pumps cold air into a hot room. Air conditioner, Bob. And I'm also not gonna invent the automobile, aluminum siding, or beef stew! Then what are we even doing here? I told you he'd be back. He keeps this up, I'm goin' back to the dark side. Take me with you. Whoa, look at all those mission alerts. The system's really backing up. We better answer some. What do we do? Just pick up the calls, ask what's wrong, and try to help. Mission Alert Central. Spin speaking. How can I help you? What, Bob? When do we go on break? I knew it. This is a legit mission. Don't panic. I'm gonna get you out of there. But you already knew that since you called me. Okay, I got you. See? Piece of cake. All right, let's focus on That was close. It's okay, I've got you. Yes, that was a girl's scream, but it was a confident girl's scream. That one was not. I'm gonna call for help. What's our number, what's our number, what's our number? My business cards. My business cards! Don't worry, ma'am, your hamster's gonna be fine. Please hold. How do you get a hamster out of a sheep dog? I'd be happy to pick you up, sir. Just wait at baggage claim till I learn how to drive. Bionic Academy mission alert line. How can I help you? Bob, it's Leo. I need help. No problem. Can I place you on a brief 20-minute hold? No. I'm dangling from Thank you, and enjoy this awful music. This is ridiculous. Well, I've never been to the Caribbean, but I'd go with the half-day snorkel adventure over the paddleboard excursion. You know what I say? You dump him. You are an independent woman. You go, girlfriend. I am done racing all over the country for meaningless missions. And I'm done explaining to people why I'm not the Spanish kid in the commercial. Are you kidding me? More alerts? We're answering as many as we can. Come on, Adam. We better go tell Bree to grab some more gear before we head back out. Adam, we have way too many calls coming in. Can you take some? Can I do a phony accent? Sure. But heads up. Nobody's buying Mr. Finkelschmidt from Germany. Watch this. Hello. This is Mr. Finkelschmidt from right outside of Germany. How may I help you? Adam, it's Leo. I'm holding onto a helicopter so it doesn't fall off of the side of a building. Leo, no personal calls. This line's for emergencies only. No, don't hang up. My phone's about to die. Does anyone mind holding onto this helicopter so I can go grab my phone? Come on, Adam, we have to go. Hold on. Can I take a real call? The only one I've had so far was Leo. Leo called the emergency line? Something about a helicopter hangin' off the side of a building. Blah, blah, blah. Hello, this is Adam. How can I help you? He must really be in trouble. Let's go. I'll be right there. I'm dealing with an emergency too. I am so sorry your flight was canceled, ma'am. Do you mind if we reroute you through Salt Lake City? Help! Adam, you get Leo. I'll stabilize the helicopter. - Got him. - Bree, get the passengers. Hurry. That's everyone. Let me make sure no one's left in there. No. Bree, don't! It's about to go over. Help. My suit is stuck. - Help! - No! Bree! Nice work, Leo. What about the helicopter? Yeah, that's never gonna fly again. - Great work, guys. - Yeah, especially you, Leo. - I owe you one. - Yeah, well, I am a hero. - Don't push it. - You're welcome. Hey, Leo, looks like everyone's gonna know your name now. That news crew filmed the whole thing. - Who cares? - Cares? All you've wanted this whole time is for people to know your name. Yeah, well I did some thinking while I was on hold for 20 minutes. You don't go on missions for the fame. You go to save lives. Um, Leo, you do realize there's a with your face on it. Oh. They told me that wouldn't be ready for another two weeks. So after hearing about what you guys went through, I finally figured out what I should invent. Oh, a layer of clothing that acts as a barrier between you and your pants. They have that, Bob. And why don't you know about it? I took the lie detector technology, and integrated it with the mission alert system. Now it will analyze the callers' vocal patterns, and determine if it's a real emergency. This is great, Douglas. Big D. 's gonna be very impressed. Well, I can't take all the credit. These guys helped. - Really? - Oh, yeah. They had tons of good ideas. And I'll bet you would like to hear every single one of them. Bob, why don't you start? Okay, get this. It's a machine that sucks up all the dirt on the floor. That's a vacuum cleaner. Yes, that's the perfect name for it. Enjoy the next six hours, Leo. How about a light source in a stick that lets you see at night? You mean a flashlight? No. Sounds stupid. Hey, Bob, you wanna help me test out the pencil bazooka? - Sure. - Great. You're the target. No, no!