The Handsome Panther

Transcript for The Handsome Panther
Narrator: From deep within his underground lair within his mother’s basement, Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy is hard at work plotting his next devious, brilliantly evil crime!

(Scene: Chuck’s “lair”. He is relaxing on the couch drinking a soda, with a perturbed look on his face.,)

Narrator: Uuuh-- what dastardly crime will it be this time? We he steal all the bologna from the city?

(Chuck continues to suck on his drink as much as he can, then shakes the cup.)

Narrator: Or… uh, will he cover City Hall in ketchup and mustard? Um… commandeer a bread factory?

(Chuck sighs, and the narrator sighs along with him.)

Narrator: Okay. What’s wrong, Chuck?

Chuck: I don’t know, I guess I’m not really feeling it.

Narrator: (sighs) Feeling what?

Chuck: You know, the whole sandwich crime thing.

Narrator: But-- you’re Chuck, the Evil Sandwich Making Guy.

Chuck: I know, I know, I mean don’t get me wrong, I still like sandwiches and committing crimes, but I’m getting a little tired of doing the same old thing week after week.

Narrator: Yeah, tell me about it.

Chuck: I can only think of so many sandwich-related crimes, you know.

Narrator: So wait-- you’re quitting?!

Chuck: No, I’m not quitting! I just need a fresh start. I know-- maybe a new name! Yeah, a new identity! Uh, something like--

(On the TV, he sees an image of a panther crouching on the ground. The announcer comes on.)

Announcer: Panthers… ninjas of the night. Strong…  ferocious … cool. Panthers… now at the city zoo.

Chuck: Yeah! Like that! I want to be cool and dangerous and fer-- oh, what was that word again?

Announcer:  Ferocious .

Chuck:  Ferocious -- yeah! Just like, uh, a panther!

Announcer: Still at the city zoo.

Narrator: So, you want me to start calling you Chuck, the panther making guy?

Chuck: No, I want it to be totally new… something that captures my strength, my  ferocious ness, my rugged good looks!

Narrator: (laughing) Rugged good looks?

Chuck: Yeah-- something like-- The Handsome Panther! Yeah!

Narrator: The Handsome Panther?

Chuck: Yeah! Why?

Narrator: No reason… heh heh. Um, later, in the beautiful backyard of Becky Botsford…

(Scene: The Botsford’s backyard. Becky is playing frisbee with herself, Bob is tanning himself on a lounge chair, and Mr. Botsford stands in front of a drawing board, working intently on something.)

Becky: Whatcha up to, Dad?

Mr. Botsford: (being secretive) Oh, just working on some  design s.

Becky:  Design s? For what?

Mr. Botsford: It’s a surprise!

Becky: Oh! Okay.

Mr. Botsford: Okay, I can’t hold it in any longer! I’m going to build Bob his very own outdoor monkey house!

(Bob perks up, and comes over to join them.)

Mr. Botsford: Check it out. Now Bob can play outside, and eat outside and sleep outside, why, he won’t ever have to come inside ever again!

(Bob’s enthusiasm dwindles, and is replaced by a shocked expression.)

Becky: Wait! This is Bob’s new permanent home? Full time?

Mr. Botsford: Of course! Who ever heard of a part-time monkey house? It’s just silly!

(Bob looks at the plans, which look similar to a dog house with a banana on top. Bob shrieks at him.)

Mr. Botsford: (laughs) I still can’t understand a word you say, Bob. But I’m guessing you’re pretty happy about your new home!

(Bob stares at him with an angry look on his face. Becky hears the sound of a distant alarm.)

Becky: (gasps) That alarm is coming from downtown. (She takes the plans from him.) Not now, Bob! We’ve got to-- uh, go pick out curtains for your new teeny, teeny windows! (gives the plans back to her dad) Bye, Dad!

Mr. Botsford: Hurry back, you two, so we can start moving all of Bob’s stuff outside!

(Bob walks back to him with fists clenched, but Becky grabs him and drags him off with her.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Bloopo’s Sub Sandwich Shop World Headquarters…

(Scene: Inside the sandwich shop. WordGirl and Huggy arrive. Chuck, dressed in a panther suit, is being chased by a worker. Another man dressed in a chef’s outfit stands by the door.)

WordGirl: Have no fear, citiz-- What’s going on?

Chef: We just finished ze recipe for a new sub sandwich when this guy in ze cat suit burst in and stole it!

WordGirl: Gotcha! We’ll take it from here. Huggy, initiate plan number 227.

(Huggy slinks off.)

WordGirl: Hold it right there, big-- cat-- person, is it?

Chuck: Greetings, it is I, the Handsome Panther!

WordGirl: Chuck?

Chuck: Right… I used to be Chuck the Evil Sandwich Guy, but those days are over! Now, I’m the Handsome Panther! Rawr! (He extends his hand and making a scratching motion.)

WordGirl: Chuck, are you sure the name Handsome Panther is right for you?

(Huggy sneaks up to the other worker, and pulls him aside. Then he comes back dressed in his clothes and hat.)

Chuck: Why? What do you mean? The handsome part is a given, right?

WordGirl: Uh…

Chuck: And that commercial on TV said that panthers are cool and, uh, what’s the word, fer..., fer…

WordGirl:  Ferocious ? It means really fierce and dangerous.

Chuck: Yeah, that’s it,  ferocious ! Just like me! Roar! See? Voila! I’m a totally new guy.

WordGirl: But you’re here stealing a sandwich recipe.

Chuck: Well, yeah, changing my image is a big deal, so I’m easing into it with one last sandwichy crime. But after this, it’s all panther all the time! Roar!

WordGirl: I’m still not seeing it.

Chuck: (sadly) I was expecting more support for my new identity. I mean, I’m really proud of my costume. I  design ed it myself! It turned out pretty great, except the fabric’s a little itchy.

(Huggy slowly sneaks up behind Chuck.)

WordGirl: Now, Huggy!

(Huggy grabs the recipe from him.)

Chuck: Hey, my sandwich recipe!

WordGirl: Too bad, Chuck! I mean, Handsome Panther. Looks like all that’s left is to take you to a-- cage called-- jail!

(Huggy groans.)

WordGirl: I know, I know, it wasn’t my best, but I just learned about the panther thing like thirty seconds ago, I mean, give me a break!

Narrator: (clear throat) Ahem?

(Chuck is pointing his condiment ray at them.)

Chuck: Yeah, who’s got the upper hand now, huh?

WordGirl: Chuck! That’s one of your old sandwich weapons!

Chuck: Yeah, I know, I spent so much time on the Handsome Panther costume and my new theme song, I didn’t have time to  design  any new panther weapons.

WordGirl: Wait-- you have a theme song?

Chuck: In a minute! First, turn over that recipe!

WordGirl: Nothing doing, panther man!

(She and Huggy fling themselves toward Chuck, and he fires the condiment ray at them, coating them in ketchup and mustard.)

WordGirl: Totally unfair!

(Chuck takes the sandwich recipe from Huggy.)

Chuck: (in a quiet voice) Okay, last time with the old sandwich weapons, I promise. (much louder) You’ve been visited by the Handsome Panther! Yeah.

(He pulls out a voice recorder, and fumbles with it.)

Chuck: Wait-- wait-- wait one second, alright I got it…

(A very jazzy tune starts playing with finger snapping, and Chuck’s voice singing over the melody.)

Recording: ...Handsome Panther, Handsome Panther, Handsome Pantherrrrrr….Roar!

(Everyone in the store starts laughing.)

Chuck: Go ahead, laugh! But soon, I’ll be the one doing all the laughing! You’ll see! Handsome Panther, away!

(He gets stuck trying to go through the window, and slowly wiggles his way through it. When he lands on the ground, he sticks his head back in briefly.)

Chuck: Roar! (takes off)

WordGirl: Don’t worry, Huggy. Chuck will turn up again soon. And when he does, we’ll take care of him! (to workers) And as for your secret recipe…

Chef: Yes, yes, ouí ouí?

WordGirl: I’m a very fast reader. Start with half a cup of flour, add a stick of butter, and make sure you slice the shallots… (The chef writes it down as she dictates it.)

(Scene: The Botsford backyard. Mr. Botsford is working at his drawing board.)

Narrator: Later, back at the Botsfords…

Mr. Botsford: Oh, welcome back, you two. Bob, I’m almost done drawing up the plans for your new home!

(Bob points at the pencil.)

Mr. Botsford: Oh, oh-- okay. Charades. Snow, cold ice. Okay, this is fun. Ice food, ice cream.

(Bob points to the house.)

Mr. Botsford: Ice cream? Inside? For me? Yum!

(He walks to the house, and Bob sits down at the drawing board. He goes to work making the house look the way he wants it. What he draws looks like a fancy multi-story home.)

Becky: Wow, Bob, fancy  design !

(Huggy chatters at her.)

Becky:  Design ? Oh, well, a  design  is a plan for something you want to make or do. Those drawings are a  design  for your monkey house. If you  design  something, it means you make a plan for it. Oh, like when we  design ed our superhero outfits, you wanted yours to have a lightning bolt, and-- oh, sorry. I’ll let you finish.

Mr. Botsford: I couldn’t find any ice cream, Bob, but I did find some carrots. Mmm, yum!

(Becky hears another alarm going off.)

Becky: (quietly) That’s coming from-- the zoo! (to her dad) Got to run, Dad. There’s a sale on monkey house wallpaper down at the-- monkey house wallpaper-- depot.

Mr. Botsford: Have fun. And Bob, I hope to have your new home ready by the time you two are back! You can bet on it! If you had money.

(Scene: The zoo. WordGirl and Huggy arrive, and the zookeeper is facing off against the Handsome Panther.)

Zookeeper: WordGirl. Glad you could make it. The guy in the weird cat suit…

Chuck: The Handsome Panther!

Zookeeper: Alright. He’s going on and on about how he’s  ferocious , and he’s about to commit some brilliant crime. I just thought you should know.

WordGirl: Thanks for the heads up!

Zookeeper: Of course. (backs away)

(Chuck begins playing the theme song again from his recorder. He has made a few changes to it.)

WordGirl: Wow, catchier!

Chuck: Where was I? Oh yeah, my big speech. (He holds up some note cards and clears his throat.) From this day forward, today shall be remembered as the day the Handsome Panther let the panthers out of their cages! And as everyone hides in fear, I will take whatever I want! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, I mean, roar!

WordGirl: You won’t be opening any cages today! Let’s get him, Huggy!

Chuck: Try and catch me, WordGirl! R-r-roar!

(As WordGirl and Huggy land in front of the cage, Chuck leaps onto the roof of the cage.)

Chuck: You’ll have to be quicker than that, I’m a panther now, remember?

WordGirl: You’re still no match for this superhero and her sidekick monkey!

Chuck: Oh, wait! (He pulls out his condiment ray and fires at them, covering both of them.)

WordGirl: Again? No fai-- oof! You promised no more sandwich weapons!

Chuck: Too bad, WordGirl! I tricked you fair and square! And now, time to free these  ferocious  panthers and take over the city! Yeah!

WordGirl: Ugh! Can’t-- break-- free!

(Chuck begins pulling at the door to the panther cage.)

Chuck: Door-- is-- heavy!

(Huggy chatters loudly. Finally Chuck gets the door to the cage open.)

Chuck: Panthers away! Take to the streets, you wild  ferocious  guys!

(WordGirl and Huggy watch fearfully for something to happen. But the panthers stay in the cage, yawning and resting peacefully.)

Chuck: Now! Go! Scoot! You can-- see things, the world, not this! Come on! Check it out, scare people!

(One panther licks the face of the other.  The zookeeper comes back.)

Zookeeper: Yeah, people think they’re these  ferocious  animals, but for the most part, during the day, they lie languid in the sun. They just hang out. The really only hunt from dusk till dawn.

(Chuck gives an embarrassed laugh and runs off. WordGirl and Huggy break free from the ketchup and mustard shells surrounding them. She catches up to Chuck, and ties the tail of his costume around a lamp post.)

WordGirl: Looks like your Handsome Panther days are over, Chuck!

Chuck: (sighs) Yeah. I guess I shoulda done more research on panthers before I came up with that plan. I don’t really know much about them!

Zookeeper: Oh, I can fill you in, Handsome Panther. Did you know the name panther actually applies to a number of large game cats, such as the cougar, leopard, and jaguar?

Chuck: No, I--

Zookeeper: Also, the panther is the state mammal of Florida.

Chuck: Wow, that’s--

Zookeeper, Oh, and here’s a little known fact. Panthers prefer dry land, but they do know how to swim.

Chuck: (to WordGirl) Any way you can make him stop?

WordGirl: Not unless he breaks a law.

Chuck: Oh, boy.

WordGirl: Good luck. I hope the police come soon!

Chuck: You and me both.

WordGirl: (to Huggy) Ready to go? (She takes off with him.'  Chuck looks away as the zookeeper keeps talking.)

Zookeeper: It wasn’t long before Kimba found trouble…

(Scene: The Botsford backyard. Mr. Botsford is wearing a hard hat, a tool belt, and carrying a board. Becky and Bob walk up to him.)

Becky: Whoa! Dad, that is one fancy monkey house!

(Mr. Botsford has apparently built a house to the specifications that Bob had drawn. Bob leaps toward it with enthusiasm.)

Mr. Botsford: That’s for sure! I don’t remember my original  design  being this ambitious, but, oh well!

(Bob stands by the front door and opens it up. Then his face drops as he realizes that the house was just a façade, with nothing on the other side of it. Mr. Botsford and Becky walk around to where Huggy is looking through the door.)

Mr. Botsford: (laughs) It’s not done yet, Bob. It’s gonna take another five years to finish!

(Bob covers his face with his hands.)

Narrator: And so, the city’s safe from the not-so- ferocious  and only somewhat good-looking, Handsome Panther the Sandwich-Making Guy!

Becky: I think you combined the two--

Narrator: And Bob the monkey is left wishing he  design ed a simpler monkey house. Join us next time for another exciting episode of… WordGirl!

(During the closing sequence, Chuck appears in his costume through an opening in the center of the screen, much like the MGM lion. He looks at the audience, makes a scratching motion with his hand, and does a final “Roar!”)