The Staircase Implementation


 * (Penny is about to do her nails)
 * Penny: Okay, Babydoll Pink, let's see if you can cover up the fact that I got my dad's feet.
 * (Leonard and Sheldon have started fighting which can be heard from Penny's place)
 * Leonard: 2 degrees, Sheldon! I just wanna turn up the thermostat by 2 degrees!
 * Sheldon: Let me point out that 2 degrees can be the difference between water and steam!
 * Leonard: Yes, if we lived in a tea kettle!
 * Sheldon: This is the temperature you agreed to in the Roommate Agreement!
 * Leonard: Aw, screw the Roommate Agreement!
 * Sheldon: No, you don't screw the Roommate Agreement, the Roommate Agreement screws you!
 * Leonard: You know what, Go to hell and set their thermostat!
 * Sheldon: I don't have to go to hell. At 73 degrees, I'm there (at the apartment) already!
 * (Leonard slams their door and knocks on Penny's.)
 * Penny: Who is it?
 * Leonard: Leonard.
 * Penny: Hang on.
 * (She walks on her heels to get to the door so she doesn't ruin her nail job.)
 * Leonard: Can I sleep on your couch tonight?
 * Penny: Uh, well, you can try, but the people across the hall are being very noisy.
 * Leonard: You heard that, huh?
 * Penny: Apparently, the one fella tried to adjust the thermostat, then the other fella went bat-crap crazy.
 * Leonard: So you agree, he's nuts!
 * Penny: Well, not as nuts as the guy who chooses to live with him.
 * Leonard: Believe it or not, he was worse when I met him.
 * Penny: (Naively chuckles) Oh, I do not believe that.
 * Leonard: You are so naive. Just like I was seven years ago.
 * (Leonard starts telling the story of how he met Sheldon.)
 * Leonard: "I just started at the university."
 * (It is the year 2003 and we see that when Leonard was younger, he originally had a "classic" Weird Al hairstyle, and tortoiseshell glasses. He then sees Sheldon's previous roommate leaving the elevator, which was still operational at the time.)
 * Leonard: Hi, excuse me, I'm looking for Sheldon Cooper's apartment?
 * Ex-Roommate: Oh, I bet you're here to check out the room for rent.
 * Leonard: Yeah.
 * Ex-Roommate: Run away, dude!
 * Leonard: What?
 * Ex-Roommate: Run fast, run far!
 * (Back in 2010)
 * Leonard: That should have been my first clue.


 * Leonard: (voiceover) Anyway, I went upstairs and knocked on the door.
 * (2003 Leonard walks over to 4B's apartment and knocks. The door is opened and he is confronted by a large muscular African-American man with breasts and dressed as a woman)
 * Louie/Louise: Yeah?
 * (Long pause, as Leonard is speechless. Louie gives him an impatient look)
 * Leonard: Dr. Cooper!?
 * Louie/Louise: Nah, you want the crazy guy across the hall.
 * Leonard: (voiceover) In retrospect, that was clue number 2.


 * Sheldon: What is the sixth noble gas?
 * Leonard: What?
 * Sheldon: You said you're a scientist. What is the sixth noble gas?
 * Leonard: Uh, radon?
 * Sheldon: Are you asking me or telling me?
 * Leonard: Telling you?
 * (Sheldon gives Leonard an impatiently angry look)
 * Leonard: Telling you.
 * Sheldon: All right. Next question. Kirk or Picard?
 * Leonard: Oh, uh, well, that's tricky. Um, Original Series over Next Generation, but Picard over Kirk.
 * Sheldon: Correct. You've passed the first barrier to room-mate-hood. You may enter.


 * (Leonard is about to sit in a lawn chair)
 * Sheldon: No, that's where I sit!
 * Leonard: What's the difference?
 * Sheldon: This seat is ideally located, both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer. It also faces the television at a direct angle, allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play, without being subjected to conversation. As a result, I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.


 * (Sheldon is busy getting Leonard to sign the roommate agreement )
 * Sheldon: Roommates agree that Friday nights shall be reserved for watching Joss Whedon's brilliant new series, "Firefly".
 * Leonard: Does that really need to be in the agreement?
 * Sheldon: Well we might as well settle it now, it's gonna be on for years.


 * Sheldon: Mmm, I assure you, you'll be sorry you wasted your money on an iPod, when Microsoft comes out with theirs.
 * Raj: OK, do you have an opinion about everything?
 * Sheldon: Yes.
 * Howard: You just assume you're always right?
 * Sheldon: It's not an assumption.


 * Leonard: Oh, it's time for Babylon 5.
 * Sheldon: But we don't watch Babylon 5 in this apartment.
 * Leonard: Why not?
 * Sheldon: Because no one likes Babylon 5.
 * Leonard: Well, I like it.
 * Raj: Me too.
 * Howard: So do I.
 * Leonard: There you go, 3 against 1.
 * Sheldon: They don't get a vote. It's 1 against 1 and according to the roommate agreement; all ties will be settled by me.
 * Leonard: But I said no to that.
 * Sheldon: And I said yes. And I settle all ties.


 * (In 2003: Leonard, Raj and Howard are at Howard's House, not Sheldon's Apartment)
 * Mrs. Wolowitz (shouting downstairs in the hall.): HOWARD, ARE YOU HAVING A PLAYDATE?!
 * Howard (with Curly Hair): (also shouting back): DON'T HAVE PLAYDATES, WE HAVE COLLEAGUES!
 * Mrs. Wolowitz: DO THEIR PARENTS KNOW THEY'RE HERE?!
 * Howard: NO, BUT IF YOU KEEP SCREAMING, MAYBE THEY'LL HEAR YOU!
 * Leonard: Is that your dad?
 * Howard: If she grows any more hair on her face, yes.


 * Mrs. Wolowitz: HOWARD, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OREOS I LEFT ON THE COUNTER?!
 * Howard: I HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR OREOS, (Doesn't notice that Raj is eating them) JUST TAKE YOUR BATH WITHOUT THEM!


 * (Leonard has just told Penny that Howard had a model rocket and only needed some of the fuel that Leonard was making for the government to get it going)
 * Penny: So why was it his lucky day?
 * Leonard: Well, it turns out I had a little rocket fuel in the apartment.
 * Penny: What were you doing with a rocket fuel in your apartment?
 * Leonard: Well, Joyce Kim was kind of curious about what I did for a living, and I was gonna, kinda...show it to her. It's not important, the point is the guys and I went back to the apartment.
 * Penny: OK, but are we ever going to get to the elevator?
 * Leonard: Yeah, we're really close; we're at the apartment....
 * (In 2003: Leonard is incorrectly mixing rocket fuel for Howard's model rocket.)
 * Leonard: The trick is to mix it in a Tovex in order to create a combustible gel that will generate over 8000 kilonewtons of thrust.
 * (Howard and Raj excitedly chuckle)
 * Raj: Cool!
 * Sheldon: Won't work.
 * Leonard: Excuse me, but I've been working on this a long time. Trust me, it will work.
 * Sheldon: You don't see your mistake, do you?
 * Leonard: There's no mistake.
 * Sheldon: This is for a full scale rocket, not a model.
 * Leonard: Well I've adjusted the formula.
 * Sheldon: Not correctly.
 * Leonard: OK, I've had it with you! You might be an expert on theoretical physics, and science-fiction programs, and where to sit on a freaking couch! But this is "applied" physics, and when it comes to applied physics.... (rocket fuel starts sizzling) ..... Ahh, uh-oh.
 * Howard: What's happening?!
 * Leonard: A bad thing, a very bad thing. Get the door! Get the door! Get the door! Get the door! Get the door!
 * (Sheldon turns their apartment's flag upside down, while the other 3 go out into the hallway where Leonard waits for the elevator.)
 * Howard: You're waiting for the elevator?!
 * Leonard: Oh, right!
 * (Leonard starts to go down the stairs, when the elevator arrives.)
 * Raj: Wait, its here!
 * Leonard: Ahhhhhhh! (Goes back up and into elevator. As the door closes, Sheldon barges past Raj at an unusually quick pace, pushes the elevator doors back open and takes the rocket fuel out of his hands.)
 * Sheldon: Give me that! (Pushes Leonard out, presses the down button and exits the elevator. The doors close.
 * Leonard: What did you do that for?! I had plenty of ti-!
 * (There is a sudden, very loud explosion in the elevator, destroying it. All of them, except Sheldon are in shock and horror.)
 * Sheldon: You're welcome. (Sheldon goes back inside, with Leonard still dazed.)
 * (In 2010)
 * Leonard: Not only did Sheldon save my life, he didn't rat me out to the landlord. Or the police. Or Homeland Security.
 * Penny: Okay, so basically, you're the reason I have to walk up and down 3 flights of stairs every day?
 * Leonard: So, I did something stupid, I'm sure you did stupid things when you were younger; what were you doing 7 years ago?
 * Penny: Excuse me. I was in high school, studying, keeping my nose clean, doing volunteer work for the community...
 * (In 2003, a teenage Penny is back in Nebraska with a boyfriend, doing a pregnancy test.)
 * Penny: Not pregnant. Yes! (High-fives boyfriend.) Ha ha!