Mayor Knuckles


 * [Mayor Fink is stamping papers at his desk.]
 * Mayor Fink: Habeas corpus ... due process ... [stamps the desk] Oops. Authorization to clean desk. [stamps it]
 * [Admiral Beaverton clears his throat.]
 * Admiral Beaverton: Ready for the fishing trip, old bean?
 * Mayor Fink: Oh, no, no, no. Too much approving to do. The town bylaws won't stamp themselves. [grabs another piece of paper from the stack] Self-Stamping Prohibition Act. [stamps it and holds it up] See? If only there was someone to cover for me. [pause] I say, if only there was someone to cover for me? [pause] So we can get the story started?
 * [Knuckles enters the office.]
 * Knuckles: This is an outrage! A travesty! A plookypluck!
 * Mayor Fink: A "plookypluck"?
 * Knuckles: I made that last one up. Rule of threes, Your Majesty. Anyway, I'd like this important law passed.
 * Admiral Beaverton: [reads it and clears his throat] Henceforth, peanut butter and pickles shall ne'er be packaged in separate containers, as they inevitably wind up in the same sandwich.
 * Mayor Fink: I can help you with this, but in exchange, I'll need something from you. Are you prepared to do your civic duty?
 * Knuckles: [snickers] You said "civic".
 * Mayor Fink: Yes. Citizen Knuckles, I need you to stamp these laws with the mayoral seal between now and, say, 5:30, when the fish stop biting.
 * Knuckles: I'm in!
 * [Later, Knuckles is playing with the stamp.]
 * Wild Cat: Who's in charge here?
 * Knuckles: I guess I am!


 * [Sticks is sleeping. A loud noise not only wakes her up, but knocks her out of bed. Outside, Wild Cat is using a jackhammer.]
 * Sticks: Hey! Hey! [walks up and knocks on Wild Cat's hardhat with her boomerang; he turns the jackhammer off] What are you doing?
 * Wild Cat: The mayor's office just approved construction of a new mall. [shows the document to Sticks] See? [Sticks growls and crumples it]


 * Knuckles: Next! [stamps] Next! [stamps] Next! [stamps] Next!
 * Fastidious Beaver: With whom do I speak about adding a new wing to the library?
 * Knuckles: With me'm! [grabs a bill from the stack and stamps it] Approved! By the way, I believe the proper pronunciation is "libary".
 * Gentleman Wolf: I'd like approval for a parade through town to celebrate my half-birthday.
 * Knuckles: Half-birthday approved. [stamps]
 * Lady Walrus: I think this village should have moving sidewalks.
 * Knuckles: I don't know.
 * Lady Walrus: Do you want to live in a world without moving sidewalks?
 * Knuckles: Excellent argument. Approved! [stamps]
 * [Later, Sonic walks in.]
 * Sonic: Hey Knux. Uh, why are you in the mayor's office, stamping bills into law?
 * Knuckles: I'm doing my civic duty. [Sonic chuckles] Oh, grow up, Sonic. [He chuckles as well] Civic.
 * [Sticks enters the office.]
 * Sticks: Who's in charge here?
 * Knuckles: I am. And I'm doing a good job, too. [he picks up a green pencil, draws himself, and stamps the drawing] See?
 * Sticks: You approved building a new mall... ...next to my burrow... [Bangs on the desk] ...on my land?!
 * Knuckles: Sticks, Sticks, Sticks! I approve lots of things next to lots of burrows on lots of people's lands! I can't keep track of all of 'em!
 * Sticks: Your recklessness is destroying my home!
 * Knuckles: Sticks, don't worry! You know someone on the inside now! Just write up a proposition and I'll ram it through!
 * Sticks: [screams] Politics has corrupted you! I'm bringing you down, Knuckles! You, and your goons! [points at Sonic]
 * Sonic: Me?! What did I do?!
 * [Sticks growls and stomps out of the office.]


 * Dr. Eggman: The trash should have been picked up by now! Where's that garbage man?


 * Fennec Garbage Man: I want to take a few months off. See the trash in other countries. Maybe get some fancy foreign coveralls.
 * Knuckles: What's the worst that could happen? [Knuckles pauses for about 12 seconds] See? No consequences! [stamps]


 * Dr. Eggman: I can't keep looking at this stack of failed inventions. It's bad enough looking at you two.
 * Orbot: Must every random observation circle back to insult us?
 * Dr. Eggman: It's not you. I'm just frustrated about the trash situation, you idiots.
 * Cubot: Apology accepted.
 * Dr. Eggman: That's it! I'm going to City Hall! You lugnuts wait here.


 * Sticks: We need to stop Knuckles, and get government out of our lives! What has government ever done for us?
 * Sonic: Maintained the fire department. Can't say that's a bad idea.
 * [Amy and Tails nod.]
 * Sticks: Oh yeah, that's true.
 * Tails: There's also the sewer system.
 * [Sonic and Amy agree.]
 * Sticks: Yeah. I definitely don't want that responsibility.
 * Amy: And have you tried those new moving sidewalks? Pretty sweet.
 * Sticks: You can make all the good arguments you want, but don't come crying to me when Knuckles gets his pudgy government fingers all over your lives!


 * Knuckles: Next! What'cha got?
 * Lady Goat: Well, it's kind of a lo-o-o-ong list.
 * Knuckles: No time to read the list. Approved! [stamps it] Next?
 * Dr. Eggman: [pushes everyone else out of the way] Hey, Nerples. What's with the trash collection? You've got...
 * Knuckles: Sorry, Egghead. There's a lot of people waiting. You'll have to take a number. [The dispenser is shown to be empty.]
 * Dr. Eggman: It's out of numbers.
 * Knuckles: You'll need to fill out a complaint form.
 * Dr. Eggman: [grumbling] Can I get one?
 * Knuckles: I'd love to help you. Take a number.
 * Dr. Eggman: [growls and walks off]
 * Old Monkey: I have a request to shout “woo-hoo” in a public place.
 * Knuckles: Approved! [stamps it]
 * Old Monkey: Woo-hoo! That was the highpoint of my life.

[Sonic and Tails are each eating a burger.]
 * Walrus Male: Move it, pal! I’ve got permission to build my treehouse here!
 * Leroy: And I got permission to build my tunnel right here!
 * [Bell rings]
 * Wolfie: Out of the way! I’ve got a permit to build my lemonade factory here!
 * Sonic: We’d better go sort this mess out.
 * [Sonic and Tails race off]


 * Amy: I’d like to check this one out.
 * Fastidious Beaver: Impossible! Thanks to the Organised Bookshelf Act, it is now illegal to check out books! Finally, I have protection from people who think books are for reading and not just sitting neatly in a row on the shelf.
 * Amy: [groans] Arggggh!


 * Ice Cream Vendor: My ice cream! Why?! Why did the village reverse its ban on flammable frozen treats?!
 * Lady Walrus: Help! It’s not moving! I’m stuck!
 * Dr. Eggman: Just walk! Use your legs!
 * Lady Walrus: My taxes pay for moving sidewalks! No way I’m using my legs!
 * Dr. Eggman: [growls and walks off]
 * [Leroy, Wolfie and Unnamed Walrus are still arguing]
 * Dr. Eggman: That red imbecile has done more damage to this village in a few hours than I’ve done in years with my ingenious, worthwhile and well-executed plans! Nubbles must be stopped!
 * Sonic: As much as I hate to say it, Eggman, we’re with you! Now, we need a plan.


 * Dave: You’ve got to outlaw peanut butter and pickle sandwiches! [bangs on the desk like Sticks] If people realise they can get cheap, barely edible food outside of Meh Burger, I’m out of a job!
 * Knuckles: Look at you! You who were once so proud! Go now and never return!
 * Dave: I see what’s going on here! You’re in the pocket of big peanut butter and pickles! [gives Knuckles two fingers but accidentally pokes himself in the eyes] Ow! Is there any chance you could stamp some sort of universal healthcare law? [walks off]
 * Sonic: Okay, Knuckles, I order you to stand down. Lower the stamp and move away from the desk.
 * Knuckles: No.
 * Sonic: Well, I’m out of ideas.
 * Dr. Eggman: I’m not! [Prepares to fire his laser]
 * Knuckles: [Writes a law and stamps it] It’s now illegal to use your finger to activate a weapon!
 * Dr. Eggman: [growls and uses his elbow instead but accidentally zaps his foot] Ow! Any chance I can get in on that universal healthcare?
 * [Sonic, Tails, Amy and Sticks prepare to attack]
 * Knuckles: [stamps consecutive laws] No boomerangs! No hammers! No inventions! No spin attacks! No mayonnaise!
 * Fastidious Beaver: [groans sadly]
 * Amy: Knuckles! [bangs on the desk like Sticks and Dave] You’ve gone mad with power!
 * Knuckles: Oh, really? Well, would someone mad with power approve a law giving himself ultimate authority over everything?!
 * Sticks: That’s the dictionary definition of mad with power!
 * Knuckles: I wish I could corroborate that, but it’s illegal to check books out of the "libary". [tries to stamp the law but nothing happens] Huh? [Knuckles looks at the stamp in confusion.]
 * Sticks: Nice try, Knuckles, but I’m afraid your stamp is out of ink.
 * [Knuckles stamps it repeatedly before throwing it in disgust. Eggman then picks the stamp up.]
 * Sonic: Nice work. Now, destroy the stamp. [Notices Eggman is looking at the stamp] Eggman?
 * Dr. Eggman: I'm afraid there's been a slight change of plans. With this stamp, I now rule the village. First order of business: Strip waste management of all vacation time! [cackles]
 * Knuckles: Au, contraire, mi amigo. Any chance to waste management requires Form 48C-13.
 * Dr. Eggman: And where do I find that?
 * Knuckles: You'll have to take a number.
 * Dr. Eggman: [growls and sends in his robots] Find me that form!
 * [The robots start trashing the office. Knuckles then launches an attack to which Amy and Sticks start to join in until Knuckles stops them.]
 * Knuckles: I believe I outlawed those weapons.
 * Sonic: Knuckles, you've got to let us fight! Or else, Eggman's... trash will be collected in a timely fashion?
 * Tails: Wait, why are we fighting this?
 * Knuckles: Because he picked my stamp up off the ground and seized absolute power! [Knuckles growls and punches the ground, sending Eggman and his robots backwards.]
 * Dr. Eggman: [growls until one of his robots hands him a form] Aha! Now to get some ink! Where's my octopus bot?
 * Cubot: Right here, boss. [Halts the robot outside the town hall and fires a blot of ink onto Eggman's stamp]
 * Dr. Eggman: [cackles]
 * Sticks: [growls and fire a chunk of a robot at the stamp, destroying it]
 * Dr. Eggman: Look what you've done! You've created more trash that won't get hauled away!
 * Mayor Fink: [enters the room] Ah, it's always good to get away for a few hours. [sees the mess] What the...?!
 * Knuckles: Sorry about the mess. But you know how it is being mayor, stamping everything that comes across your desk, regardless of its merits.
 * Sonic: You have no idea how happy we are to see you, sir.
 * [Sonic, Amy, and Knuckles leave the office whilst Mayor Fink takes another stamp from his desk. Sticks gives Mayor Fink the fingers before walking off]
 * Dr. Eggman: Any chance I can get my trash collected?
 * Mayor Fink: Take a number. [The dispenser is still empty.]
 * Dr. Eggman: [sighs in frustration as the episode ends]