Principal Simmons

Scene 1: P.S. 118 Playground
(Mr. Simmons and his class are at the playground. Harold sees an ice cream truck passing driven by the Jolly Olly Man.)


 * Harold
 * I'm so hungry, I'm starving! (kicking the shrub bush while Wartz arrives at the playground) Stupid shrub!


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Harold, no! Leave that poor shrub alone! Kicking is not going to get food, now think about it.


 * Principal Wartz
 * (grabbing Harold's shoulder) Stop it right now! What do you think you're doing? You must have a low intelligence level. I'm assigning you to plant new shrubbery all around the school grounds for the next month. (leaves while Harold groans)


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Principal Wartz!

Scene 2: P.S. 118 Hallway
(Rhonda is spray painting a bake sale sign but accidentally sprays a small amount of paint on the floor.)


 * Principal Wartz
 * (grabbing the paint spray) Miss Lloyd, look what you've done! You've committed a criminal act by flattering painting without any regard to decency along with common sense. (Mr. Simmons opens the classroom door.) Miss Lloyd, you're a disgrace and a monument disappointment.


 * Rhonda
 * It's only a little spot.


 * Principal Wartz
 * I hereby assign you to mop and bucket duty for the next 2 weeks.

(Rhonda leaves while sobbing.)


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Principal Wartz, I've watched you overreact and yell at several students today who should have been treated with much more respect!


 * Wartz
 * Are you reassuring me, Mr. Simmons? You have no idea what it is to be principal! It's a battle out there when someone steps out of bounds, you have to be quick, decisive, and harsh. Feelings and fairness cannot come in to play!


 * Mr. Simmons
 * But...


 * Principal Wartz
 * (harshly) But nothing! Back to your class!

Scene 3: Woodrow Wilson's Auditorium

 * Principal Wartz
 * Class, settle down right now. It is my honor to welcome Superintendent Chaplin to our school for a visit. I think it would be appropriate (Eugene holds the P.S. 118 flag) to commence and singing our school spirit song.

(Everybody stands up and the piano woman plays the piano.)


 * Principal Wartz
 * (singing) Fabled halls of education

Hail to orange and green


 * Harold
 * Aw, nice stud! I hate this song!


 * Principal Wartz
 * (continues singing while everybody mutters) Cherished rules and regulations

P.S. 118


 * Harold
 * I'm hungry!


 * Principal Wartz
 * You must all sing with dedication and reverence right now. (to the pianist) Start over!

(The pianist starts playing the piano again.)


 * Principal Wartz and Eugene
 * (singing while marching) Fabled halls of education

Hail to orange and green


 * Eugene
 * Come on, everybody.

Cherished rules and regulations

P.S. 118

(Sid makes a paper airplane and shows it to Stinky. He throws it at Mr. Simmons but the other kids laugh.)


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Sid, save your horseplay for recess.


 * Principal Wartz
 * (to Sid) You, young man! Yes, with the nose! You are a reprehensible wrongdoer and a bad wicked minded animal! (grabbing Sid's ear) Your paper airplane could make these...


 * Mr. Simmons
 * (to Chaplin while Wartz continues complaining to Sid) See? There he goes again, just like I told you.

Superintendent Chaplin: I'll have a talk with him. I'm sure you'll understand.

Scene 4: P.S. 118 Hallway

 * Principal Wartz
 * (shocked) What do you mean "my unfair punishments and continued outbursts"?!


 * Superintendent Chaplin
 * Let's calm down, Principal. I just want you to be fair and level-headed but what I've seen and been told about it, well, I'm very concerned and Mr. Simmons here is also very concerned.

(Mr. Simmons waves weakly.)


 * Principal Wartz
 * Oh, so this is some kind of planned inquisition? Well, quarter Wartz and tell him he's crazy and doing a lousy job?


 * Superintendent Chaplin
 * No, that's not the case.


 * Principal Wartz
 * I take this is a full frontal attack. (to Mr. Simmons) So Mr. Tattletale Simmons, you think you can do a better job than I can?


 * Mr. Simmons
 * No, that never crossed my mind.


 * Principal Wartz
 * I hear you loud and clear. Loud and clear, gentlemen. (enters his office, closes the door and turns on the microphone) Students, teachers, I have a very important announcement. It's been brought to my attention by our superintendent and our certain Mr. Simmons, that I'm not running this school in an appropriate manner. They don't need Wartz, they say. Well, you may think you don't need Wartz but let me assure you, you do need Wartz. But Wartz has decided that right now (removing the green flag) you don't get Wartz so I'm here to announce (packing his supplies in the box) that if you won't have Principal Wartz to kick around anymore. (picks up his box and leaves the office) I resign, quit, applicate my principal duties infective immediately! (holding the microphone to Chaplin and leaves the school)


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Principal Wartz, can't we talk?


 * Superintendent Chaplin
 * So, Mr. Simmons, I guess we're going to be needing a new principal. Want the job?


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Me, principal? No, no, but I couldn't.


 * Superintendent Chaplin
 * Well, I don't see why not. You're teacher of the year, you're sensitive, organized. Your kids like you. (gives microphone to Mr. Simmons) I think you'll make a great principal.


 * Mr. Simmons
 * (dreamily) Principal.

(Mr. Simmons imagines himself what it's like to be principal.)


 * Harold
 * (wearing a professor hat and glasses) Since we have no more rules or boundaries in school, I'm learning twice as much as before!

(The poster "Principal Simmons Says: "Healthy Food, Happy Kids"" is shown in the school cafeteria and Sid, Nadine and Rhonda eat healthy food.)


 * Mr. Simmons
 * (on the microphone at the auditorium) Any volunteers?

(The kids raise their hand while shouting. Mr. Simmons ends his imagination and looks at the microphone.)

Scene 5: Woodrow Wilson's Auditorium

 * Mr. Simmons
 * (on the microphone) Even though I'm now Principal Simmons, you should still call me Mr. Simmons. I'm still the same old me, but I do have some big plans to make our school even more special than it already is. OK, my first plan is to have a different student each week serve as principal's helper. I want you, the students, to be more involved. Are there any volunteers to help me this week?

(Wolfgang grabs Arnold's hands while laughing.)


 * Arnold
 * Hey, cut it out!


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Arnold, thank you for volunteering. (Arnold walks up the stage.) Now I know you're all wondering what amazing plans I have up my sleeve to better our beloved school.


 * Harold
 * Like what?


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Well, Harold, every day will be volunteering homework day. You'll be on the Honor system.


 * Harold
 * Oh, Honor system! Yeah!


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Yes, and good news in the cafeteria. Free tasty shakes will now be served. And most importantly, I'm opened to any to all suggestions. It's our school. Let's run it together. I'm sincere of what I say I'm intend to put the pal back in principal.

(The kids all cheer. Scene transitions to the principal office "Principal Simmons". Mr. Simmons puts flowers in the vase and admires the office he decorated. He removes the school bell and puts up wind chimes in its place, to remove the harsh noise that a normal school bell causes. Healthy foods are shown on the kids' tray instead of the garbage we have seen in previous episodes.)

Scene 6: Wartz's House
(The alarm bell ring and Wartz turns off the alarm clock.)


 * Principal Wartz
 * Ah, can't remember the last time I woke up at noon. (looks out the window) Boy oh boy, I'm free and clear. No responsibilities, no meetings, no headaches. Nothing but fun, fun, fun. I'm gonna be loved not being principal.

Scene 7: Mr. Simmons' Office

 * Arnold
 * Remember, only three suggestions per student. Otherwise, we'll be here all day.


 * Wolfgang
 * (laughs) Just another class.


 * Helga
 * (to Mr. Simmons) So better, longer assemblies, like pro wrestling or some carnival freak show.


 * Rhonda
 * An arm calm manicure and pedicure expert would be nice.

Harold: I want a carton of chocolate milk on my desk in the morning, a full carton! And circular and thicker toilet paper in the boys room for my cushy.

Scene 8: The Street
(Wartz takes a walk when he sees the Karaoke Klub building.)


 * Principal Wartz
 * "Open Mic Night Tonight", hmm.

Scene 9: Woodrow Wilson's Auditorium

 * Mr. Simmons
 * (singing) Fun on files with demonstration

We're all heard and seen

Open lines of communication

P.S. 11...

(The kids throw paper balls at Mr. Simmons.)


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Ow, now that's not right! Now let's talk about what's being provocative of those song sheets, please, please. Talking about things helps.

(All the kids leave the auditorium.)


 * Arnold
 * Mr. Simmons, are you okay?


 * Mr. Simmons
 * I'm fine, Arnold. I um, actually, I'm pretty concerned. Our school seems to be a little bit out of control.


 * Arnold
 * Well, they wouldn't say it's out of control.

(Curly laughs manically while swinging on a sack.)


 * Arnold
 * Maybe you should try setting up some boundaries.


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Boundaries. More boundaries? Hmm.

Scene 10: P.S. 118 Playground
(Eugene walks around when Wolfgang who is with Edmund trips him over.)


 * Wolfgang
 * (laughing) Gotcha!


 * Mr. Simmons
 * (after talking to Lila) Okay, that was a horrible thing you did to Eugene. I want you to march right back to him and apologize to him right now.


 * Wolfgang
 * Uh, no?

(Mr. Simmons frowns.)

Scene 11: Karaoke Klub

 * Principal Wartz
 * (singing) Once we were a team we worked side by side

You were my dedication and my single source of pride

Then you kicked me on my can tossed my out into the cold

Did you think that I'd fold? Well I won't because I'm bold!

I will prevail I will not fail You may have thrown me out the door but I won't cry or weep or wail

Oh I'll weather this storm too

Yes I'll keep on smiling through

And while I'm turning blue I'll simply send my thanks to you.

I will prevail right through this gale

Right through wind and snow and ice and rain and sleet and fog and hail

I will prevail

I will prevail

I will prevail!

(The people applaud and cheer. Wartz comes out from Karaoke Klub while holding his public award and flowers.)


 * Principal Wartz
 * My public, thank you. (seeing P.S. 118 and lying down on the sidewalk sadly thinking that the school misses him.)

Scene 12: Wartz's House
(Wartz is working his own principal office house while hammering and painting and he hangs up the flag.)


 * Principal Wartz
 * (singing sadly) In our hearts and minds forever

P.S. 118

Scene 13: P.S. 118 Hallway
(Everything's not going very well, especially in the hallway.)


 * Mr. Simmons
 * (on the megaphone) Please, friends. Please, calm down, come here in school.

(Arnold and Gerald see Park with a turkey stuck in his head. Helga jumps over Park from the flag and Harold eats another turkey from a kid's head.)


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Today's another special day at the life of P.S. 118.

(Joey, Nadine and Phoebe are being chased by two dogs, a goat, a duck and a monkey dressed like Sid.)


 * Harold
 * (grabbing the megaphone from Mr. Simmons) NO BOUNDARIES! NO ONE'S IN CHARGE! IT'S VERY SPECIAL!

(Wolfgang puts Eugene tied up scared into a locker and locks him, a kid rips up a textbook, and uses the banner as a trampoline lifting Lila and Brainy up and down. Mr. Simmons enters the office with a flashlight. Curly is on the desk while cutting the flowers off with scissors. Then he laughs while flying out the window with a fire extinguisher. Mr. Simmons coughs from all the smoke. Arnold sees the smoke and enters Principal Simmons' office.)


 * Arnold
 * Mr. Simmons?


 * Mr. Simmons
 * (hiding under his desk) Oh, Arnold, did you... Come in. Lock the door behind you.


 * Arnold
 * Why are you under your desk?


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Oh Arnold, it's just I feel like all my grand plans have backfired. I've caused so much chaos. I wanted everyone to be happy and feel like they were apart like all the schools run.


 * Arnold
 * It's a really, really hard job being principal.

(A bomb lands on the desk.)


 * Mr. Simmons
 * I feel bad for Principal Wartz. I took away his job. I just wish I could go back being a teacher and he could go back being a principal.


 * Arnold
 * (throwing a bomb out while closing the window) Why don't you ask him to come back?


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Oh no, no, I can never come back. I can't imagine he liked me that much. After all, the reason he left me the first place.


 * Arnold
 * Well, you got two choices. You can go ask him or you can stay under this desk for the rest of your life. Mr. Simmons?


 * Mr. Simmons
 * I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Scene 14: Wartz's House

 * Principal Wartz
 * (to his puppet girl doll) I've told you several times. No more lip. Pick up your books and get your class. I heard that snickering, young lady. (grabbing the puppet girl doll) Don't think you can pull a fast one on me.

(The doorbell rings and Wartz opens the door and sees Arnold and Mr. Simmons.)


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Principal Wartz?


 * Principal Wartz
 * Yes, what is it?


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Uh well, let me get right to the point. Our school has not been the same without you. P.S. 118 needs you back.


 * Principal Wartz
 * Excuse me a moment. (closes the door and hugs the puppet girl doll) They want me back, they want me back, they want me back! Woo-hoo! (opens the door again) Please come in.

Scene 15: Wartz's Living Room

 * Mr. Simmons
 * Principal Wartz, I realized over the past 2 weeks that I am frankly not principal material.


 * Principal Wartz
 * Not everyone is, Mr. Simmons. It's a rare find.


 * Arnold
 * We really want you back.


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Boy, I never realized how much pressure you were under until I tried to do the job myself.


 * Principal Wartz
 * Well, now you know what it's like, day after day, the unruly students, the curriculum changes, the teacher complains. Sometimes it can get you so worked out. You just, you just...


 * Mr Simmons
 * You just overreact a little?


 * Principal Wartz
 * Fair enough, Mr. Simmons. I'll admit I did overreact with the students. I mean, no principal should ever call a small child a wicked minded animal even if it's true. I suppose I should thank you for pointing out my harshness instead of flying off the handle like that.


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Well, I'm willing to make a fresh start if you're willing to come back.

Principal Wartz: (opens the door for Arnold and Mr. Simmons) I'll have to think long and hard about it. I've got some soul searching to do. (closes the door. Arnold and Mr. Simmons start leaving but he comes back opening the door while holding the box) Well, my soul is thoroughly searched, gentlemen. Last one's back to school is a rotten egg.

(Arnold and Mr. Simmons smile.)

Scene 16: P.S. 118 Cafeteria
Principal Wartz: Hey there. Hello. Hi. (to Stinky) You, stop dripping milk on the floor. (to a male kid with his head down on the tray) Son please, head up straight. (to Helga) Hey, no spitballs, young lady! (seeing Harold flickering olives) What in blue blazes do you think you're doing, you moronic neanderthal... (Mr. Simmons smiles at him.) That is I mean: Please remain flickering olives all over the place, son, and kindly clean up that area right away.

Harold: Yes, sir.

(Wartz and Mr. Simmons smile).

Credits Scene: Karaoke Klub
(The end credits start. Wartz comes out on stage with his karaoke uniform while holding the microphone.)


 * Principal Wartz
 * (singing) I will prevail


 * Mr. Simmons
 * (in his karaoke uniform while holding the microphone) Sing it!


 * Principal Wartz
 * I will prevail


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Yes!


 * Principal Wartz
 * You made have thrown me out the door

But I will cry or weep or wail


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Oh, we'll weather this storm too

Yes, we'll keep on smiling through


 * Principal Wartz
 * And while I'm turning blue,

I'll simply send my thanks to you


 * Mr. Simmons
 * Oh, thank you!

(Camera cuts to outside of the Karaoke Klub and pans to show P.S. 118.)


 * Principal Wartz
 * I will prevail


 * Mr. Simmons
 * You will prevail


 * Principal Wartz
 * Right through this gail


 * Mr. Simmons
 * This windy gail


 * Principal Wartz and Mr. Simmons
 * Right through the wind and snow and ice and rain and sleet and fog and hail


 * Principal Wartz
 * I will prevail


 * Mr. Simmons
 * You will prevail


 * Principal Wartz
 * I will prevail


 * Mr. Simmons
 * You will prevail


 * Principal Wartz and Mr. Simmons
 * We will prevail! Aah, aah, aah!

(The people applaud and cheer after the credits.)