Chapter Seventy Five

1 LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: OMG, friends. We left Jane dating Rafael in secret. See, this way they could figure out their relationship without all the outside pressure. And speaking of pressure, Petra asked Jane to ghostwrite her lifestyle book. And on the career front, Rogelio's public feud with River Fields left him closer than ever to achieving his goal. The studio just offered to greenlight the American version of Santos, if I can get River Fields to costar with me. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Xiomara's career goals, however, were less certain. I-It's kind of late to start thinking about a new career. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And Rafael well, he lost all his money and had to bartend at his own hotel. So, yeah, he was pretty bummed about it. Especially because he could have gotten his money back from his sister, only she'd taken off. And Petra could have stopped her. How long did you leave my sister in an institution knowing she wasn't hallucinating? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: But Petra had bigger problems. See, she was a person of interest in her sister's death. And holy hell! Her lawyer, Jane, aka J. R., was working against her. And, yes, I said, "was," because she changed her mind once she thought Petra was innocent. Oh. And it seemed Petra was starting to feel something new, too. And, whoa, it may have been a dream, but the nightmare was real. Someone was out to screw Petra. I know. Straight out of a telenovela, right? Which this is, after all. When Jane Gloriana Villanueva was 28 years and seven months old (CLATTERING) she started acting a little strange. REGINA: Jane. - Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah. - Totally fine. - Oh. I was just restocking and I accidentally broke a few glasses. - I'll grab the broom. - I'll clean it up. Don't worry about it. Abuela. You're home early. I just went for a run. Yeah. It was-it was really freeing, to be honest. Jane. What are you doing in the supply closet? I was just looking for some, uh, toilet paper. NARRATOR: To reframe this, Jane wasn't going crazy. I'll clean it up. Don't worry about it. It was-it was really freeing, to be honest. - Jane. - Huh? What are you doing in the supply closet? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: So, yes, friends, as you can see, context is everything. Which brings us here, now. Excuse me. Are-are you the manager? I certainly am, sir. Yeah, my steak is cold. Well, I will take it back right away and comp your whole meal. And nice shirt. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I know, seems like Jane is really loving her job these days. Oh! NARRATOR: But, like I told you, context is everything. My last day at The Marbella. This is so sad. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Sad. Right. But I'm leaving you in really good hands with Regina. PETRA: Hey. What's going on here? SONIA: We're having a party for Jane. Since she sold her book. - My book. - Our book. I mean, yes, sure, ours, of course. Jane's my ghostwriter. Well, congrats to you both. Thank you so much. You're welcome. (GHOST-LIKE HOWLING) RAFAEL: I missed it? Damn. I couldn't get away from the bar. Why is it that when you're in a hurry everybody suddenly wants drinks involving a blender? It's okay. We can celebrate privately later. Or (IN A WHISPER) how about now? Meet you in our usual spot? REGINA: Rafael, your break's not for another 30 and there's a pack of kids out there screaming for frozen daiquiris. NARRATOR: Wow, look at Regina, coming in hot and hard. I have to head out, anyway. ROGELIO: This isn't my dream. This is America's dream. I mean it, Teri Hatcher. You're perfect for the role. Your wit, your talent, your youthful appearance that rivals only mine. NARRATOR: To remind you, Rogelio had recently been offered a chance to remake The Passions of Santos for an American audience. I love you for this. The studio loves you for this. NARRATOR: To be clear: the studio loved River Fields I can't even fathom them wanting anybody else. NARRATOR: who Rogelio hated. Think it over, Teri Hatcher. And remember, you are my number-one choice. Bye. I thought your number-one choice - was Eva Longoria. - Don't say it. It's too painful. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes, Rogelio's Holy Grail. (ANGELIC VOCALIZING) I thought I had a way to get in touch with her through my ex-hairdresser who knows her third assistant, but no luck. She's so evasive. So I'm exploring other leading ladies, all of whom I will passionately pitch to the studio tomorrow to get them off River Fields. Because there's no way in hell I'm working with that nine-toed she-devil. Well, after what happened, I'm sure she's not too psyched to work with you either. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: To remind you: Attack her. (DOG GROWLS, BARKS) (SCREAMS) The point is I have a big meeting tomorrow, and I was wondering if you'd watch Baby. Just this once. This is such an important meeting. Please. (SIGHS) Fine. Just this once. Thank you, Xiomara. You're the best woman in the world. And with your help, I will vanquish the worst woman in the world. (KNOCKING) Oh, that's Brad. - Huh? - He teaches the 3:00 p. m. hip-hop class, so we're carpooling. (PHONE RINGS) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ooh, hello, Brad. Hello, Nicollette Sheridan. Let me just say, you are my number-one choice for this role. So, listen. I've read the first chapter. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I have no notes. What? I know. It's very unlike me. But I-I actually thought it was quite well done. So bravo. This is amazing. Wow. (GASPS) I-I guess I'll just dive into the next chapter. Ooh, which means I'm ahead of schedule. And my schedule is very aggressive. (PHONE CHIMES) Did my daddy send you a picture? I want to see. JANE: Oh, no. Sorry. I have to tell your daddy that it is rude to text during brunch. When is he gonna come back to brunch? NARRATOR: Whenever he forgives Petra for lying, keeping his sister in a mental hospital, and leaving him with nothing. Soon. He's just very busy right now. (DOORBELL RINGS) Mmm. NARRATOR: Saved by the doorbell. - Maybe that's him. - LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Or not. Petra Solano. You're under arrest for the murder of your sister, Anezka Archuletta. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used - against you in the court of law. - I don't understand. What is happening? Jane. TWO: Yes? Oh, you must be the other Jane. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Other Jane? Who's story do you think this is? I-I'm sorry. Who are you? Petra's lawyer, Jane Ramos. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aka Other Jane. You're not at all what I pictured. Well, whoever you are, Petra Solano is ready to be released on bail. (EXHALES) Oh, Petra. Are you okay? - Yes, I'm fine. Thank you. - Okay. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes, the moment Petra had been dreaming of. (SEXY MUSIC PLAYS) Thank you for bailing me out, J. R. This is absolutely ridiculous. I didn't do anything. They found the missing screws from the balcony in your office. What? Well, someone must have planted them. - My mother. It had to be. - I agree. And I have a call in to the D. A. 's office. (SIGHS) I'm going to get you off, Petra. Yeah, well, I just want to get out of here. (DOOR OPENS) The, uh, twins just went down. Good. Thank you. - Are you okay? - I've survived baseless murder charges before, Rafael. I don't need your pity. I was just asking. (PHONE RINGS) I should take this. Hello. Be nice. I was trying. She's the one that snapped at me. Try harder. She was just arrested. It's not all about you, Rafael. PETRA: That was my publisher. They got wind of the murder charge, and now they're putting a pin in my lifestyle book. Which means it's canceled. NARRATOR: Remember, Jane, it's not all about you. - You okay? - Of course. It's just a book. My whole life is not riding on it. Right. Totally. It's just a book. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Don't look so glum, Jane. You may not have a book to ghostwrite or a salary, but at least you still have a dentist appointment. (GASPS) Hi, Mr. Sweetface. How are you? Uh, good talk. XIOMARA: Well, I know I don't want to work in an office. JANE: No, you don't. - RAFAEL: What's going on here? - Welcome to the Villanueva job fair. We are on the hunt. Mmm. Maybe I can be a party planner. No way. You hated planning your wedding. You're right. Forget it. Are you looking for a new job, too, Rogelio? ROGELIO: Oh, no, no. Not for me. But for an incredibly lucky woman. I'm compiling a list of, uh, leading ladies ranked by availability, tolerability, and whether their face muscles can still show emotion. RAFAEL: Right. Okay, then. Hey, you could just go back - to your job at the Marbella. - And kick out Regina? No way. Plus, I want something more stimulating. That's why ghostwriting was exciting. - So what are you thinking? - Actually, maybe going back to teaching in some capacity. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes. The old adage: Those who can't ghostwrite, teach. I could try high schools again, or community colleges or online classes. I am a published author. Oh, and I have to get out of the Marbella. Oh, I know what you mean. If I have to make another banana daiquiri Then get in on the job fair. You know what? OK, maybe I'll start putting out some feelers. No, don't. Fillers are a terrible idea. They have disqualified half the actresses on my list. RAFAEL: Oh, no, no. Feelers. Like "job feelers. " Oh. Okay, good. But still don't do anything to that beautiful face, ever. - Noted. - Except maybe around the eyes. Okay. I'm off. First step on the teaching train. - Why would you want to teach? - Temporarily. Until I get my writing off the ground. Yeah, I started teaching writing temporarily, too. 25 years ago. Don't give me that look. I'm fine. Instead of seeing myself as a failed novelist, I choose to see myself as a successful teacher. NARRATOR: A-plus reframing, Professor Donaldson. I just need a stimulating job to tide me over while I work through this writer's block. Well, if you're sure, I actually know they're looking for someone to fill in at Southern Miami. An old colleague sent around an e-mail asking for recommendations. That's amazing. The colleague is Jonathan Chavez. Oh. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: As in MARLENE: I mean, I'm sure he remembers you because of all the You know. The bibbidi bobbidi. First of all, there was no bibbidi bobbidi. Secondly, no one has ever called it that. Then you should reach out to him. Unless things went badly between you two? (CRYING) You're crying. No, I'm not crying. (SOBBING): I'm not cry No, it was totally cool. Great. Then I'll get you his new e-mail address. NARRATOR: Ah, yes. How do you craft an e-mail to the guy you almost lost your virginity to but instead wound up just losing your dignity? Nope. No. (SIGHS) RAFAEL: Too flirty. It's not flirty. Yeah, you're using too many exclamation points. You're so! Happy! To hear! Are you jealous of a guy I haven't spoken to in four years? A creepy guy. He's not creepy. He wasn't my advisor when we got together. And I pursued him, remember? You're just being overprotective, which is sweet, but I really need to get this done, so will you please stop distracting me? Okay. I was just coming to tell you I got an interview for this commercial real estate gig. (GASPS) What? Are you serious? Mm-hmm. So how many exclamation points are appropriate in my response e-mail? Oh, at least 15. You're so! Excited! About! The job! (CHUCKLES) MAN: We need passion. Chemistry. - Heat. - And that's why we want River. You guys were explosive together. I can assure you I will explode with any of the ladies on my carefully curated list. Any of these women would be phenomenal as first ladies to my president. Way better than River Fields. Hmm. I don't know. I'm just not feeling any of these choices. Well, that's absurd. I mean, I have every single Jennifer. Can you get any of them? No. I'm just trying to get a sense of your taste. But keep reading. I can get the Desperate Housewives. Except one. Alfre Woodard? Yeah. She was unavailable. Eva Longoria. (ANGELIC VOCALIZING) Honestly, that's the first name I've heard that comes even close to River. If you could get Eva, we would go for it. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of going for it Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ow! What? What? What happened? Ooh, I think I pulled a muscle. - Oh, I'm sorry. - No. Don't ever apologize for doing that. XIOMARA: Hey, Jane, you home? Um Coming! LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Not anymore. Just stopped by before class. JANE: Hey. Rafael was just, uh, helping me - with, uh, my, um - Drawers. Yes, the-the dresser drawers. Yeah. They got all messed up, and I had to force them back in. (CLEARS THROAT) What's up with your leg? Oh, um I think I was just overcompensating for the leg that I broke, and then I put the pressure on the other leg while I was, uh fixing those drawers. So, here's a weird thought. What do you think about me going back to school? Are you serious? I was just looking through this catalog, and there's so much in here - that could be interesting. - Ma. That's amazing. I'm just thinking about it. I've never been a school person. Well, why don't you pick a class and ask the professor - if you can sit in? - They let you do that? Definitely. (PHONE CHIMES) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of professors Oh, wow. Chavez replied. Oh, yeah? What what'd he say? He wants to meet tomorrow. Hon, that's great. RAFAEL: On that note, I should head to Petra's. - Uh, Jane, thank you - Hmm? for letting me help you with your drawers. See you later. And be nice to Petra. She's the mother of your children, and People make mistakes. And so I just want us to move past everything. Because we are family. Thank you. I'm pretty rattled, honestly. What exactly is going on? It's my mother. She's framing me. Again. - NARRATOR: Or reframing, as it were. - Why? I don't know yet. - Do you know where she is? - No, but we're looking. - "We're"? - My lawyer. You like her? (BLAZING MUSIC) Look, it doesn't matter if I like her. The point is, I trust her to get me out of this mess. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: A mess, I'll remind you, J. R. partly created. What happened? I have to tell you something. You're scaring me. Look a long time ago, when I worked for the D. A., I tampered with evidence to get a client off. (SIGHS) This girl, she shot her abuser. The system's a joke. She was gonna get life in prison. W-What does this have to do with me? A few weeks ago, I got an e-mail. Someone knew about it. Said I had to even the scales, make sure someone guilty and rich went to jail. They threatened to expose me. The minute I realized you didn't kill your sister, I told them I wanted out. NARRATOR: Well, this certainly reframes everything. You planted the screws. No. I didn't do that, I swear. It must have been the blackmailer. Your mother, I can only assume. I've never spoken with them directly. They leave me these burner phones like it's 1996. Look, this is everything. Copies of all of my correspondence. All of the background information they gave me about you. I'm sorry. I felt trapped, and I couldn't find a way out. I'm going to have you disbarred. Hopefully thrown in prison. I understand. But I do want to say: no one will work harder to get you out of this than me. Get out. NARRATOR: A framed narrative, you should know, allows one to tell multiple stories within a larger context. You nervous? Want me to come with you? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And yes, I'm showing off because we're at a college. Think my mom being there is gonna make it less awkward with Chavez? Go sign up for your class. Unless you want me to come with you? Think my grown-ass daughter being there - will make me seem less old? - Good point. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: My point is this story's framed. By me, of course. Which means you see things in pieces, not the whole picture. Which, I suppose, is also true of life. Jane. Hi. H-Hi there. These are some of my grad students. Um, Ben, Cam, Marissa. Yeah, Jane was where you guys are a few years ago, and she just published her first novel. MARISSA: That's incredible. It's so nice to meet you. Wow. Thanks. Nice to meet you, too. So, my famous ex-student. Oh, stop. One barely-selling book. A published novel? That is no small feat. Thank you. And I was really excited to hear about the job opening. Especially since I have a connection on the inside. - Oh, I mean - No. I know-I know what you meant. (SIGHS) I talked to the head of the department, Kate Henderson. Gave her a cheat sheet on you, and she's interested. Can you lead a guest seminar Thursday? She'd observe, and we'll take it from there? - As in this Thursday? - Uh, we're, uh we're in a bit of a bind. Not that you're not excellent. Thursday sounds perfect. Thank you so much. My pleasure. So, um here's a question. Hum Do we have to disclose that we had a personal relationship? To Henderson? Like, is there a university rule about hiring someone who, um LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Cried and didn't sleep with you? No. Uh, we're fine. Don't worry. But you should get to work on your seminar. And if you have questions, feel free to e-mail or KRISHNA: Call! Line two. American Bar Association. Hello. Thank you for returning my call so quickly. I need to report an attorney whose gross misconduct I believe to be grounds for immediate disbarment. I have proof of everything she LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And, friends, that's when Petra saw the whole picture. Let me call you back. My mother doesn't have a right hand. And as you can see, the photographer's holding the document in their right hand, so my mother is not the one blackmailing you. Or she isn't acting alone. Maybe. Except I still can't figure out why she'd want me in jail. My mother doesn't do anything without a reason, and I'm worthless to her in jail. But clearly someone's trying to frame me, and you're my best chance at drawing this person out. - I'll do it. - But I don't trust you. See my predicament? So you're going to prove your loyalty to me. Since now I know you're the kind of person who will break rules. What are you asking? Find a way to get those screws rendered inadmissible. I don't care how you do it. Just get it done. MAN: I need someone who's willing to do whatever it takes. A real go-getter. You know what I'm saying? Selling timeshares to the elderly it's, uh It's not as easy as you might think. You got to work the funeral circuit. You got to schmooze it up at the early bird buffet. These people don't know what to do with their money. But I do. (CHUCKLES) I thought you focused on commercial real estate. Oh, sure, my-my partners do. But this is way more lucrative. More turnover, you know? (LAUGHS) Hey, handsome fella like yourself (ECHOING, FADING OUT): you could make a real killing with the mahjong ladies, huh? (GASPS) Oh. (GASPS) Someone's in a good mood. I am. And I hope your leg is feeling better, 'cause I'd love to get working on those drawers again. (GIGGLING) Hmm. (LATIN MUSIC) Wait. Does that mean you got the job? They made me an offer. (GASPS) Amazing! But I turned it down. Wait. Why? (SCOFFS) 'Cause of this. It's an amazing property, undeveloped, no tourists yet, but it is going to explode. My buddy Chase can put together a group to invest and build a hotel. - And you'd? - Manage it. What? (COUGHING) (PHONE CHIMES) (MOUTHING) (SUSPENS MUSIC) (SNIFFLES, SIGHS) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: To reframe this. Okay, maybe not exactly a reframe. Just emphasizing that well, it's getting creepy. Mm. Whoa. What's that smell? That is the glorious scent of Eva by Eva Longoria. I might have over-sprayed. I'm just trying to get inside her head to find a connection, any connection. Well, good luck. Oh, did you ask about sitting in on a class? Yup, and they said yes. So I decided on art history and (HIGH-PITCHED GASPS) Did Eva just say what I think Eva said? (BACKWARDS, MUFFLED GIBBERISH) Are you kidding me? I'm descended from Benito JuÃ¡rez? President Benito JuÃ¡rez? Xo, she is descended from 19th-century Mexican president Benito JuÃ¡rez! Yeah? And? My mother was always very proud to be descended from 19th-century Mexican president Benito JuÃ¡rez! Which means Eva and I are related. We are family! (LAUGHS) Rogelio! Inhala, exhala. (INHALES, EXHALES) (SNORING) (SNORING CONTINUES) (QUIETLY): Oh. (STILL SNORING) (GRUNTS SOFTLY) RAFAEL: Thank you. You really didn't have to do that. Yeah, I did. You were right I was a jerk. It's hard for me to not automatically flip to the practical, and that's so wrong. Your apology present is already being put to good use. I'm glad. I wanted to get you a gag gift that wouldn't be a waste of money. (LAUGHS) Yeah, of course you did. (SIGHS) I just want you to know, I do believe in you. Thank you. So, how's the grown-up building project going? Well, uh, Chase lined up a meeting for me to pitch some VCs. - Ooh. - You know what VCs are? - No. - Venture capitalists, money guys. I'm pitching that they give me a finders fee which I'd apply to services that I would render as a project manager. Which really just means I don't put any money in, but I still get a small percentage if it pans out. Well, that sounds downright practical. I mean, not that it matters. O-Okay, uh, you drop off your paperwork. Our general contractor is having a setback at the construction site. See you guys later. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Friends, let's reframe this. XIOMARA: Wow. So, another grad student? Yeah. And I don't know why, but knowing that It just makes our whole thing feel Skeevy? Different. I-I mean, in my head, I was this transgression. We knew it was wrong, but we had this undeniable chemistry. But if there's someone else, if I'm one of many - It's skeevy. - Not yet. I mean, maybe they have the same kind of crazy connection. Or maybe it's his M. O., which would be Really skeevy. - Where are you going? - To Internet stalk him. Find out if it's a pattern. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Now that's a pattern. Wow. That shirt is so loud, I can't hear myself think. I know your favorite colors are maroon and turquoise because I have been studying everything about you. Sorry. I'm a little nervous. Oh. Relax. We're family, right? Fifth cousins once removed. I don't care how removed. Ever since I've become pregnant, I'm all about family. (LAUGHS) So I'm so sorry I was so hard to get ahold of. Water. Amazing. Should we get down to business? - I've had 38 meetings today. - Yes. Yes, of course. What do you think about the project? Go. We like the idea of an Americanized version of The Passions of Santos, but the script, in its current shape, - needs work. We think - That's enough. - I'm training them. - You are incredible. I know. So, she's not wrong. Taking the most popular show from Latin America and importing it here? I like the sound of that. We can lean into the twists and the turns, call it an homage. (CHUCKLES) Oh. Sorry. Something is in my eye. Anyway, the, uh, female character needs to be reconceived. Are you open to my story ideas? Absolutely, of course, anything. Well, then, great. I'm in. (LAUGHS) Pending a screen test. ROGELIO: Screen test. What monsters would make someone of your stature take a screen test? (LAUGHS) Should we laugh? No. No. Uh, the screen test is for you, not me. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh, uh, a-a scree a screen test for my own show? Rogelio, I need to make sure you can rise up to my level. I mean, let's face it. I don't have much to go off of since you're a relative unknown. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: (GASPS) Did she just call her unknown relative a relative unknown? But don't be nervous. You're gonna be great. When this is all done, you're gonna have your own show. Because, let's face it, I could fart and they'll greenlight it. (CHUCKLES) Oh. Did I fart today? Not yet. Okay, well, remind me to do it in the car. I heard it's good for the baby. JANE: This is outrageous. What'd you find out? According to my Facebook sources, Chavez hooked up with at least four other former students. See? I told you he was a creep. Go back to working on your pitch. It's done. I'm ready. So, what are you thinking? It's just weird. I didn't feel like he took advantage of me at the time. I had a huge crush on him, and I went after him. (SIGHS) But knowing that he slept with all these other grad students it just reframes everything. You should report him. For what? He's not Marissa's advisor. I checked. And there's no clear university policy. Well, there should be. (SHORT CHUCKLE) I mean, those are some intense power dynamics. We dated, and I was your employee. You were accidentally inseminated with my child. So was I the only employee you ever dated? No. Not in my life. When I worked for my dad, I mean, I-I took advantage of that. But I'm a different person now. I know. So what are you gonna do? I'm not sure. XIOMARA: What do you think? The backpack's overkill, right? Ma, no, you look great. Don't be nervous. I just don't want the other students to make fun of me. Oh, these are college kids. They're not eighth grade bullies. They'll be busy texting and watching TV. (WINCES) Ow! That weird drawer injury still bothering you? Yup. (CHUCKLES) XIOMARA: Is that Marissa? Yeah. What did you decide? Are you gonna say anything to her? I don't know. Maybe it's not my place. Or it's uniquely my place. I guess the question is, would you have wanted to know when it was you? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, friends, what a moment. Our Jane, once a student of creative writing, now teaching it. Makes you think. Ooh, let's drop in on this bit! Notice how the narrator functions here. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Riveting, Professor Jane! And it's precisely because the narrator doesn't comment on every moment that the storytelling is so effective. NARRATOR: Fine. I can take a hint. The narrative distance allows for the story to unfold naturally, making the reader accept these magical realism elements without question. Take, for example, the man's wings. MÃ¡rquez describes the man as very old and in the mud before casually telling us that he couldn't get up, uh, "impeded by his enormous wings. " Let's discuss this introduction to magical realism. Yeah. Honestly, I think that line sets the tone - for the whole story. - JANE: Of course I'd want to know if Chavez slept with students before me. - (MUTED) - I thought I was special. He was gonna be my first. So, yes, this moment changes our perception. MAN: And perception, of course, is crucial to pointillism. And, interestingly, there is a scientific tie-in here, uh, an antagonism that occurs in the brain, used to detect color. To that I say, Que Seurat, Seurat. (FORCED LAUGH) So, chromoluminarism evolved into pointillism. And what would you say evolved from there? You. You've been quiet. - Any ideas? - XIOMARA: Uh no. I'm-I'm just auditing. (CHUCKLES): That's okay. You are still encouraged to participate. Any contemporary styles spring to mind? EVA: I know this isn't your idea of fun, but lack of chemistry with a costar can sink a project, so just want to make sure we make sense together on screen. I have no doubt we will, sweet Eva. After all, it runs in the family, since my cousin thrice removed courted your fourth cousin, Griselda. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Boy, that is distant. Wh Did you just say Criselda? - Yes. - Or Griselda? - What? - Did you say Criselda or Griselda? Cruh or Gruh? Gruh. Griselda. 'Cause my fourth cousin is a cruh, not a gruh. Griselda's my great aunt. Wait, I have a great aunt named Griselda. Oh. No. BOTH: She's my grandmother's sister. Wait, that doesn't that doesn't make us fifth cousins. That makes us cousin cousins. Well, it's fine. Now that I think about it, you do look like my Uncle Beto. WOMAN: Okay. Let's test - this chemistry. - Um LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Let's see those kissing cousins. Whenever you're ready. (CLEARS THROAT): Yup. (SENSUAL LATIN MUSIC) Of course you look like my husband the president, but how can you be if you don't have any of his memories? I don't know. All I know is that I want to devour you. I suppose there is one way we can find out if you're really him. K-Kiss me. Mm. Okay. ROGELIO: Come on. We need to show them our unmistakable and searing chemistry. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm. No! Oh. No. (GAGS) Honestly, I'd rather watch my parents screw. The screws are out. I got the judge to rule them inadmissible. Wh How? Chain of custody issue. The cop left them in his cruiser overnight, instead of logging them into evidence right away, which means it's compromised. Did that happen? Is that true? It appears that it is. I told you, I'm going to get you out of this. Good. 'Cause if you don't, your career is over. JANE: So, that's it for me. Uh, thank you so much for listening and participating. Thank you. Hey, Marissa, do you have a minute? (SIGHS) Ooh. (CHUCKLES) Uh, I just wondered if we could talk sometime, one on one. About what? Look, the sexual dynamic between a student and a professor is a complicated thing. It can be really thrilling, uh, in my experience Look, all I said was that it was cool that you published a book. It didn't mean that I'm, like, into you. - What? - First, you stared at me through the entire lecture, and now you're straight-up hitting on me. Oh, no. Marissa, that was Aah! (GASPS) What Marissa said is technically true, but there is very important context missing. My leg cramped, and I accidentally grabbed her breasts. While talking about sexual dynamics between professors and students? I agree. That discussion was inappropriate. In fact that sort of relationship is inappropriate Even though it is not technically off-limits here. Though, for the record, I think it should be. Because it involves very tricky power dynamics. And even if a student thinks she wants something, she might really regret it later when she's older and smarter and has more information about how that's a pretty gross abuse of power, especially if it's a pattern. (CLEARS THROAT QUIETLY) JANE: So, no, I didn't get the teaching job. But at least I got to say my piece. How was your class? You know, fine. (EXHALES): Intense. I'll be right back. Marissa. (STAMMERING) First, let me say again how sorry I am. I definitely didn't mean to do what I did. I was just trying to warn you about Chavez. I saw you kissing him the other day, and and I don't know, the same thing happened to me when I was his student. And I've since learned that this is a pattern of his. And I wish I had known back when I was involved with him, so I just wanted to pass that information on to you. Just so you have it. Sisterhood and all. ROGELIO: It's not like she's my sister. Cousins are sexy in Florida, but Eva made such a stink. I'm sorry, Rogelio. Are you okay? No. School sucked. I-I just didn't fit in. I felt like an old lady. A dumb old lady. What's with the suitcase? I have to fly to New York tomorrow and beg River Fields to meet with me. - Oh. - And I wanted to ask you if-if you could watch Baby for me while I'm gone. - Why can't Darci do it? - She's going away. And if I ask her to reschedule, she'll make an Eva Longoria-style stink on how I'm going back on my promise to be Baby's Danny. Which I'm not. Yet. Okay, forget it. I just thought, - since you're not doing anything - That's right. I'm not. I'm just trying to figure out my life, which you would have noticed if you paid attention, instead of just thinking about yourself! I have a dance class to teach. (DOOR CLOSES) JANE: What's wrong? Chase cut me out of the deal. What? I thought he was your friend. Yeah, well, I guess not. And I didn't protect myself legally, so, the VCs took advantage. I am so sorry. Yeah. But you know what? I'm actually okay. It's funny. I'm even still a little excited. So, I put together a deal, right? Which I haven't done since I found the Marbella. And I remembered I'm actually good at spotting properties and seeing potential. So this one didn't work out, but maybe the next one will. Wow. Yes, exactly. - I know, right? - Yeah. I don't know. For the first time in a long time, I actually feel like I have a plan. I'm really happy for you, Raf. - Hey. - Hmm. What's going on? It's nothing. You're inspired. That's so great. And everything's not about me. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Come on, Jane. Like I said earlier, we know whose story this is. Are you upset 'cause you didn't get the teaching job? No. I'm upset because I'm relieved I didn't get it, because I don't want to be a teacher. Or a lounge manager. You're a writer. You published a book. I know. And that was a goal of mine for so long, you know, this-this thing I can work towards. And after I got there, I imagined that my life would change because I would be this big success. But it didn't. Hey. Oh. So, first, I've been lost most of the time I've known you. (BOTH LAUGH) So you are allowed to take a minute. Thank you. And you will find a path. LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And friends, at that moment, she did. You're the only thing I'm really sure about. Yeah? Yeah. And I I think it's real, and it's right, and we should tell our family that we're together. (SHORT LAUGH) LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: That's right. No more secrets. At least not for that Jane. Actually, let me reframe this for you. Good. Now tell them you want to meet in person. NARRATOR: That definitely ain't her dance class. And to reframe this moment, friends: Xo's decision to walk through that door would change her life forever.