American Wedding


 * Kevin Myers: Guys, here's to the next step!
 * Paul Finch: Would you please shut up with that stepping?! Put your glass down!


 * Steve Stifler: Are you saying I'm impolite or something?
 * Jim: "Impolite" would be an improvement.


 * Jim's Dad: Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"?
 * Michelle: I don't know. I just call it "boning".
 * Jim's Dad: Boning? Well, when-when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel?
 * Michelle: Horny, like I wanna bone.
 * Jim's Dad: But-but, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear.
 * Michelle: Oh, you've never tried it?
 * Jim's Dad: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion.


 * Finch: Now, Jim, let me handle this. These are my people.
 * Stifler: They're gay?
 * Finch: No, you bleeding imbecile. They have style, they're cultured, they're sophisticated.
 * Stifler: So, they're gay.


 * Michelle: [about Stifler] Jim, he's not doing it to be nice; he's doing it to bone Cadence.
 * Jim: Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think - I think that underneath all the "fucks" and "shits" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think.
 * Michelle: Oh, Jim... you gotta stop masturbating... it's melting your brain.


 * Finch: "A witty saying proves nothing," -Voltaire.
 * Stifler: "Suck my dick!" -Ron Jeremy.


 * Stifler: Observe the fucking Stif-meister. What is his defining characteristic?
 * Jim: He uses the F-word excessively.
 * Stifler: Thanks, man. But I also have confidence. You're one big floppy cock!


 * Cadence: So, can I see the ring?
 * Stifler: Nope. Promised to keep it safe. It's not leaving my pocket.
 * Cadence: Okay, Frodo.


 * Jim: Honesty, now- Honestly, would you have passed up sex with Nadia?
 * Jim's Dad: Why? Did she say something?
 * Jim: Hypothetically, Dad.
 * Jim's Dad: Oh, hypothetically. Well, I mean, you know, Jim, I'm a married man. I'm...
 * Jim: If-If-If you weren't married.
 * Jim's Dad: She's a college girl.
 * Jim: If you were a college guy.
 * Jim's Dad: In a heartbeat. Oh yeah.


 * Michelle: How did a little perv like you turn into such a great guy?
 * Jim: How did a little nympho like you turn into such a great girl?
 * Michelle: I'm still a nympho.
 * Jim: Well, I'm still a perv.


 * "Stifler": It's on like Donkey Kong biatch.


 * Paul Finch: Grandmother fucker.
 * Steve Stifler: You're a motherfucker.
 * Paul Finch: [smiling] Yes, I am!
 * Steve Stifler: You son of a bitch.


 * Stifler: So, you upset about me and Cadence?
 * Finch: Well, let's see. She wasn't into the heavy intellectual stuff; she actually enjoyed me being that imbecile. I don't know, I suppose she's better with you.
 * Stifler: [pats Finch on the back and smiles] Thanks shit-break. [pauses and scowls] Dick. I fucking hate not hating you.
 * Finch: [grins] I did fuck your Mom...twice.
 * Stifler: That's better, fucker.


 * Stifler's Mom: If this is your idea of a proposal... Finchy, you've got to know I'm over you now.
 * Finch: Well, as they say, we'll always have Paris.
 * Stifler's Mom: And the pool table.
 * Finch: And the car.
 * Stifler's Mom: And the two-room suite I have upstairs...


 * Jim: [following Michelle accepting his proposal] I am the happiest man in the world. [His pants fall down to reveal a huge hard-on.]
 * Jim's Dad: Well, we should all be so happy.


 * [Kevin and Finch open the linen cupboard door where Stifler thinks he's having sex with Cadence.]
 * Finch: Urgh! Stifler, Granny!
 * Stifler: Granny?
 * [Jim's Grandmother appears, naked.]
 * Jim's Grandmother: Focus, FOCUS!!!
 * Stifler: Ughhh, it's not what it looks like! Shut the fucking door!
 * Finch: You got it, champ.
 * [Finch and Kevin immediately shuts the door. Stifler is disgusted over the realization that he had just fucked Jim's grandmother and not Cadence]


 * [At the wedding, Finch and Stifler exchange words as Jim's grandmother is much kinder and polite.]
 * Finch: Grandmother-fucker.
 * Stifler: Yeah, well you're a motherfucker.
 * Finch: Yes, I am.
 * Stifler: Oh you son of a bitch.