A Clockwork Hero

[Setting: The Skull and Dagger. The thieves chat amongst themselves. There is a loud knocking sound; a little boy named Waheed stands on a table, hitting a mug against a metal sheet.]

Waheed: Okay, listen up, everybody! I'm taking you all in. And don't worry, the Sultan has enough dungeons to handle all you guys, ha ha.

(The thieves laugh. One thief, named Hamar, approaches Waheed.)

Hamar: Ahem! Only thieves and assassins are allowed in the Skull and Dagger, street mouse!

Waheed: I know. That's why I'm taking them all in.

(Hamar grabs Waheed by the vest and throws him out of the club.)

Waheed: Ow! (Raises his fists) Oh yeah?!

Hamar: (inside the club, mocking) I am taking you all in!

(The thieves laugh. A stool smashes Hamar in the back of the head; Waheed has entered the club again.)

Waheed: Now, as I was saying…

Hamar: Oh, I thought something grazed my neck.

(Hamar draws a sword and approaches Waheed. Before he can strike, someone drop-kicks him)

Waheed: Aladdin!

Aladdin: Leave the boy alone, Hamar.

(Genie appears, as a sports reporter)

Genie: What skill, what technique! No wonder he's Agrabah's greatest hero.

(The thieves laugh.)

Genie: We have to interrupt this broadcast!

(The thieves are moving to attack Aladdin. One man holds a club, which suddenly turns into a football)

Genie: (as a football player) Dog pile! (tackles the thief)

Aladdin: (fights off another thief, then stands) Waheed!

(Hamar is holding Waheed up by the vest, mocking him. Carpet begins to tickle Hamar; he laughs and Aladdin is able to free Waheed. Aladdin hops on Carpet, then flies around Hamar, causing him to spin like a tornado. Hamar's clothes fall off, leaving him in only his boxers. He covers himself, embarrassed.)

Genie: I can see your underwear.

[Setting: Outside the Skull and Dagger; Carpet is flying away]

Waheed: (laughing) Did you see Hamar's face?

Genie: Face nothing! Did you see his underwear? (laughs)

Waheed: That was perfect!

Iago: Yeah, thieves are funny that way. 'Til they cut ya to pieces!

Aladdin: Now what were you doing in the Skull and Dagger, Waheed?

Abu: Yeah!

Waheed: (Nervous laughter) Uh, trying to round up those thieves.

Aladdin: What?

Iago: (laughing) Ha, right, of course. Now THAT's funny!

Aladdin: What were you thinking? Those guys are cutthroats.

Waheed: I just wanted to be, you know, a hero. Like you.

(Iago laughs harder)

Aladdin: Waheed, you're just a little kid. You could have been killed.

Waheed: But… but, I … I…

Genie: And you got all filthy in there.

Aladdin: Now, are you okay? Do you need a ride home?

Waheed: No, here's fine.

(Carpet drops Waheed off in an alley)

Aladdin: Now stay out of trouble, okay?

Waheed: Okay.

(Carpet flies off; Iago continues to laugh loudly. Waheed walks down the alley.)

Waheed: (angrily) You're just a little kid. And what's that bird's problem?

(A large, mechanical beetle flies by)

Waheed: Huh?

(The beetle enters a building and approaches Mekanikles, who stands beside a large, covered object.)

Mekanikles: Behold, Scooter. The most perfect form of life ever conceived by deity or mortal. These once lifeless cogs and gears now contain the intellect of I, Mekanikles, the greatest of the great Greek geniuses!

(Waheed peers inside.)

Mekanikles: It will think, reason, act of its own free will! It will be as alive as you or me! Well, as me, mainly. And it will fold laundry! (He gasps) SCOOTER! (A spider has landed on the contraption and crawls under the sheet) It's touching my creation! (Follows it under the sheet) Eight legs of spidery footprints, disgusting! You don't know what they've been through. Ah ha! (Just misses the spider) You may be small, but I am big, big, big! Scooter! (Mekanikles follows the spider into another room)

Waheed: (peering around the door) Weirdo! (He sneaks over to the contraption; one side of it is exposed, revealing many metal gears and a large opening) Builds neat stuff, though. (Reaches in and touches some things; a spring loosens and bounces away) Aw, it's a piece of junk.

(Mekanikles screams from off-screen and runs in with a mop and bucket.)

Mekanikles: Scooter! You smashed it!

(Waheed looks around, nervously, then jumps into the contraption's open hatch)

Mekanikles: Spider gunky-poo all over my nice clean floor! Don't give me those pouty eyes. You think you're so cute! Well, you are! (Scratches Scooter's chin) But not as cute as — (removes the sheet) — Mekanikles, the next generation!

(The contraption is a giant robot that looks just like Mekanikles)

Waheed: Uh oh! (Mekanikles nears the opening)

Mekanikles: Junior looks just like daddy-waddy, yes. (Closes the hatch) Scooter, it's time. Crank! Crank like you've never cranked before!

Waheed: (looking around all of the internal levels and gears) I don't even want to know what's next!

Mekanikles: Arise! (The robot doesn't move. Mekanikles, now frustrated, tries to lift one of the robot's large hands) Your creator grows impatient. Rise, blast you! (Mekanikles raises the robot's hand, but it simply falls again) You know what? It's the brain! It can't be the brain! What else could it be? Fine! Let's check the brain.

Waheed: Uh oh. I'm the brain! I've gotta get out of here! (Tries to open the hatch, but it's locked. In his struggle, Waheed accidently spins a gear.) Oops…

Mekanikles: Stupid little— (the robot's hand comes to life, smacking Mekanikles across the room and into Scooter). It's ALIIIVE!

Waheed: … It is? (Excited) It is! I, I mean, I is! I am!

(Waheed pulls some levers and adjusts some gears. The robot stands up.)

Mekanikles: My baby! Oh, come to me, Junior! Walk, walk, walk!

Waheed: Walk? Walk? I can do walk… I hope.

(Waheed pulls a rope; spears shoot out of the robot's fingers, trapping Mekanikles)

Mekanikles: Close, but no tabouli.

(Waheed realizes that he's standing on a set of pedals and begins to walk in place; the robot begins to walk.)

Mekanikles: He's taking his first step! Halt!

(Waheed stops. The robot had nearly stepped on Mekanikles.)

Mekanikles: (pulls out a scroll and begins writing) Complete masterpiece, check! Next, get revenge on Aladdin. Ah, yes, the poufy haired fool. (To the robot) Go, my son! Destroy Aladdin!

Waheed: I don't think so!

(The robot walks out the door, stepping on Mekanikles' foot)

Mekanikles: (Yelps, grabbing his foot) So anxious to destroy the street rat. Just like his dear old dad!

[Setting: The Marketplace, daytime. Mekanikles skips through town]

Mekanikles: Ah, it's brand new day! The sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the minotaurs are about!

(A huge minotaur stands in the marketplace, holding an axe)

Mekanikles: And my favorite new creation is off somewhere stomping the daylights out of Aladdin!

Minotaur: City of Agrabah! I, Dominus Tusk, victor of 10,000 battles, hereby challenge your greatest hero!

Mekanikles: Not gonna be Aladdin!

Dominus Tusk: When I win, Agrabah becomes mine.

(Aladdin, Abu, and Iago are nearby)

Iago: Greatest hero…. that would be little Waheed, right? (laughs)

(Aladdin approaches Tusk)

Aladdin: I'll fight you, Dominus Tusk.

(Mekanikles' eye bulges)

Dominus Tusk: You're a lot smaller than my last opponent.

(Abu growls at Tusk, then suddenly runs away. A very large axe lands beside Aladdin.)

Dominus Tusk: Take your weapon.

(Aladdin runs over to the axe and tries to pick it up; the axe is much bigger than he is. Tusk begins to attack him with a mace; Aladdin runs. Genie's lamp bounces away. Genie comes out of the lamp, playing a video game.)

Genie: It never fails. Bonus level 20, someone starts jumping around. (Turns into a transformer) Alright! Bonus level 50! (Flies toward Tusk) Battle program initiated, step aside organic biped. (Tusk smashes him with the mace) Overload… (his voice is changing pitches, like he's running out of power) I'm sorry, Al. I'm afraid I can't… Daisy, Daisy! Give me your answer, do… (Tusk hits him with the mace again and Genie's "display" goes out.)

(Tusk approaches Aladdin.)

Aladdin: Great.

Iago (to Abu): Challenge the victor of 10,000 battles. That was smart.

(Tusk nearly smashes Aladdin with the mace, but he is stopped. The Mekanikles robot grabs Tusk's hand and throws him across the marketplace.)

Mekanikles: Son! How could you?! You saved my poufy haired arch-nemesis! And you're making a mess!

Iago: What is that thing?

Aladdin: It's… Mekanikles?!

Genie: No, Mekanikles is a lot smaller, Al. And he's not made of metal. (Genie grabs the real Mekanikles and brings him over) Here, look! Heh, heh?

Aladdin: Whatever you're up to, you won't get away with it.

Mekanikles: Listen, hero, Junior has his own free will! I certainly did not tell him to save you and your poufy hair. (Walks away; pulling out a scroll) Fine tune Junior. Eliminate free will.

Iago: Gee, Al, your hair is kinda poufy.

(Nearby, Dominus Tusk and the Mekanikles robot stare each other down)

Dominus Tusk: I shall finish you! (Charges at him)

(Waheed moves around inside the robot, accidently moving a gear)

Waheed: Whoops.

(The robot's arm swings, sending Tusk face-first into the city wall. The crowd cheers)

Dominus Tusk: 10,000 battles. I've never been stuck in a wall… okay, victory is yours.

Iago: (Landing on Tusk's shoulder) Let that be a lesson. JERK.

(Waheed looks out of one of the robot's eyes)

Genie: (cheers) Yay! You've gotta admit, Al, that was pretty good!

Iago: (laughing) Good thing Waheed's not here! Mekanikles muscling in on his hero gig and all. (chokes on his laugher)

Waheed: Not bad for 'just a little kid!'

[Setting: The Marketplace, later. Waheed strolls through town.]

Woman: He saved us all!

Man: What was it?

Man 2: It was a metal giant!

Man 3: The hero has saved our lives!

Waheed: (Laughs) That's me they're talkin' about. Heh, yeah.

(Nearby, Genie and Carpet are playing with "Rock'em-Sock'em Robots" versions of Tusk and the Mekanikles robot)

Genie: I will spank you a good one, nasty bull man!

Aladdin: Why would Mekanikles do this?

Iago: Maybe he wants to be just like you. But he'll never have that Aladdin pouf.

Aladdin: Ha ha.

Iago: Oooh, lookie, lookie! (Waheed approaches) Hey, kid, a minotaur was looking for you. He asked for our greatest hero. (laughs)

Waheed: I was there, thanks.

(Carpet's Tusk robot punches Genie's robot, knocking his head off.)

Genie: The hero lost. The hero's not supposed to lose.

Aladdin: Genie, that contraption is no hero.

Waheed: What do you mean it's no hero? It saved your life!

Aladdin: No, it didn't. It… It helped me. A bit.

Genie: Oh, I'll say. His mace was this close to your skull!

Aladdin: I would'a dodged.

Waheed: But… but, Aladdin… I—

Aladdin: That thing is one of Mekanikles deadly weapons. It's a menace!

(The gang walks away)

Waheed: Menace, huh? You'll see, Aladdin. You'll see.

[Setting: The Marketplace, later.]

Woman 2: My gold! Someone's stolen my gold! (A child is running through the Marketplace) There he goes! Help! Someone stop him! Help!

(Waheed is inside the Mekanikles robot.)

Waheed: Time to show Aladdin I am a hero.

(The robot walks off. Meanwhile, Aladdin, Iago, and Abu are flying on Carpet. Abu points toward the robot, chattering)

Aladdin: Let's get to the bottom of this.

(The child turns a corner, nearly crashing into the robot)

Child: No!

Waheed (In a fake, deep tone): Now I've got you! (Waheed spins a gear) You thief! (The robot grabs the child)

Child: No! I'm no thief, honest!

(Carpet approaches the robot)

Iago: Al, idea. We let Waheed fight the metal guy. Brilliant, no? (laughs)

(Aladdin flies up to the robot's eye. Waheed sees him.)

Waheed: Aladdin, look! I've captured a thief! Still think I'm a menace?

Aladdin: … Waheed?

Iago: Waheed is the metal guy? (groans, then turns to Aladdin) How DARE you call great big Waheed a menace? Shame, Shame!

Aladdin: Waheed, put him down and get out of there! You're gonna hurt someone! You're gonna hurt yourself! That thing is dangerous.

Waheed: I know what I'm doing! You're not the only hero in town, you know.

Child: Please, please, I'm not a thief!

Aladdin: Are you sure he's a thief, Waheed? What if you're wrong?

Waheed: (mocking) Well what if you're wrong.

(The robbed woman turns the corner, laughing. She gasps at the sight of the statue.)

Waheed: We'll see if I'm wrong. (Approaches her) Lady, is this the guy who stole your gold?

Woman 2: My— (laughs) — oh, dear, no. It turns out my gold wasn't stolen at all. It was just in the wrong pocket. (Takes out a pouch of gold) See?

Waheed: But— (to the child) —but why were you running?

Child: I'm late for dinner!

Waheed: Oh, no… (frees the child, who runs off)

(Mekanikles peers over the top of a nearby building)

Mekanikles: (gasps) Junior, no! Cavorting with my enemy. It just breaks your poor papa's heart. (He goes over to a group of mechanical beetles and begins to crank them) I made you, gave you life! Raised you— (the beetles start to fly)—- up! up! up! From a… well, you were always that big. And this is the thanks I get?

Aladdin: It's okay, Waheed, no one got hurt.

Waheed: Some hero I turned out to be, huh?

Aladdin: You'll be a fine hero, you're just going about it the wrong way. Now come on down from there.

Waheed: Okay, I'm coming…

Iago: Atta boy, Waheed, smart kid! (To Aladdin, quietly) The moment he steps out we jump him.

Mekanikles (to the beetles): Alright, bring me my Junior! (They fly off) But don't scratch his finish!

(A beetle lands on top of the robot's hatch, preventing Waheed from opening it. The other beetles land on the robot; one of them drills a hole into the robot and begins controlling the gears.)

Waheed: What?

(The robot begins to walk; Mekanikles laughs. Aladdin dodges the robot's foot.)

Iago: Look out, the kid's gone bezerk!

Aladdin: Waheed, what are you doing?!

Waheed: I'm not doing anything! Look, it's Mekanikles, he's controlling it!

Mekanikles: (writing on a scroll) Junior fine tuned, free will eliminated. Check. Next, have my revenge on Aladdin. (laughs)

Aladdin: Waheed, get out of there!

Waheed: (pounding on the hatch) I can't, it's stuck!

(Aladdin rubs the lamp; Genie comes out.)

Aladdin: (points to the statue) It's trying to kill us!

Genie: (as a concert pianist) Here's a little number I like to call — (turns into a missile) — fire one!

Aladdin: No! Waheed is inside!

Genie: (back to normal) Hm, wouldn't want to toast the tot.

Aladdin: It's Mekanikles who's controlling it. Waheed is stuck inside.

(The robot steps on Genie.)

Aladdin: Carpet!

(Carpet grabs Aladdin and flies away; the robot just misses them)

Mekanikles: Scooter! (Scooter flies over; Mekanikles jumps onto his back) After them, and hurry! I don't want to miss anything juicy.

(Carpet flies over the city wall, dodges rocks. The robot breaks down the city gate, in pursuit. Genie appears.)

Aladdin: Genie, you take Mekanikles. I'm going in after Waheed.

(They separate; Aladdin and Carpet approach the robot. Fire comes out of the robot's eye, burning Carpet.)

Mekanikles: That's my boy!

Genie: My super Genie sense tells me — (sees Mekanikles) — guest villain at one o'clock! You're mine, pencil-necked Greek!

(Genie approaches Mekanikles; the robot's uses its hand as a missile, sending Genie flying)

Genie (yelling, as he's going off into the distance): We'll meet again! This time, I'll — (Genie's gone)

[Setting: The Marketplace. The citizens cower in fear]

Dominus Tusk: I, Dominus Tusk, victor of 10,00 battles… and loser of one where I got stuck in a wall… hereby challenge— (Genie crashes into him, knocking him over. The citizens cheer.)

[Setting: The Desert]

Mekanikles: (writing on a scroll) Dispense with Genie, check! Huh?

(The robot suddenly stops and hunches over)

Aladdin: (from behind a rock) Now, Carpet! (Approaches the robot)

Mekanikles: (cranks a metal ladybug, then releases it) Go! Aid your brothers!

(The ladybug flies to the robot and cranks the beetles. The robot stands tall. Aladdin jumps off of Carpet and kicks the beetle on top of the hatch. If flies off, but returns before Aladdin can free Waheed.)

(Abu chatters at Iago, who is holding onto him and flying after the robot.)

Iago: You carry me and see how fast you can go!

(Mekanikles and Scooter knock Aladdin off of the robot's head. Aladdin clings to an ear.)

Mekanikles: Come, Scooter! Let's clean his poufy-haired clock!

(Mekanikles is about to kick Aladdin off the ear when he's suddenly pulled backwards. Abu is pulling Scooter away.)

Mekanikles: Don't! You're giving Scooter wear and tear!

(Carpet helps to pull Scooter away, but Abu loses his grip. Mekanikles crashes into the robot's face He sees Waheed.)

Waheed: (waves) Hi.

Mekanikles: … there's a little boy inside Junior? NOT ALLOWED!

(Carpet flies by and removes the beetle from the hatch. Aladdin opens it. Mekanikles runs over and pushes Aladdin off the statue. Carpet catches him.)

Aladdin: Now's our chance, Carpet!

(The robot is approaching a cliff.)

(Mekanikles enters the robot and goes after Waheed.)

Mekanikles: Whoever you are, get out of Junior's brain! (Shoves him aside) I have revenge to wreak. (He cranks a lever. A net comes out of the robot's back)

Aladdin: Look out! (The net traps Carpet and they crash to the ground.)

(Mekanikles pulls a rope. The robot's fingers open up to reveal weapons.)

Waheed: Aladdin!

Iago: (trying to free Aladdin from the net) Hurry, monkey, hurry!

(Mekanikles laughs)

Waheed: (grabs Mekanikles) Why you little—

Mekanikles: (shoves him aside) No touching! Your hands are filthy!

(Waheed sees the pedals. He steps on them and begins "walking" the robot. The robot moves away from Aladdin.)

Aladdin: What?

Mekanikles: Stop! What are you doing?!

Waheed: Making sure this thing never hurts anyone else!

(The robot is walking toward a cliff. )

Iago: He's heading for the cliff…

Aladdin: Waheed, no!

Genie: Sorry I'm late, Al.

Mekanikles: NOOO!

(The robot falls off the cliff)

Aladdin: NO! Waheed…

(The robot crashes into the ground, destroyed.)

Iago: A little hero like Waheed jumped free. Had to… right?

Genie: (looks over the edge of the cliff) Well, not exactly.

(The hatch opens and Waheed exits, rubbing his head.)

Iago: Some little hero.

(The gang flies down and picks Waheed up.)

Aladdin: Are you okay?

Waheed: I.. I think so.

Genie: (As a nurse) This is going to sting. (Dips a cotton swap into a bottle then dabs Waheed's nose)

Waheed: Ow!

(Mekanikles climbs out of the hatch. He turns around and inspects the robot)

Mekanikles: Junior! No! Say something Junior, speak to daddy!

(A spring comes loose, sending Mekanikles into the air.)

Waheed: Boy, I sure learned my lesson.

Aladdin: That you should wait a few years before trying to be a hero?

Waheed: No. Never walk off a cliff in a big, mechanical man.