The Return of Batduck

Prologue
(The prologue begins with a view of a camera. As the announcer announces The Plucky Duck Show, the camera turns until it reaches the viewfinder, where the silhouette of Plucky in a tuxedo and an Elvis-style hairdo can be seen)

Announcer: "And now, starring in his very own television show, Plucky Duck!"

(The screen flashes, transitioning the silhouette of Plucky to his actual self)

Plucky: "Hit it!"

(The camera zooms out, revealing the stage, with several giant golden statues of Plucky in his tuxedo and hairdo across the stair rails, and several Duck Showgirls on the stairs. The audience applauds, and the camera cuts back to Plucky, focusing on him as he poses, until he eventually falls down the stairs)

Plucky: "Whoa!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of the stage as Plucky falls down the stairs, grunting. The Duck Showgirls are not on the stairs. The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Plucky when he reaches the bottom. He picks himself up and turns his face away from the camera while adjusting his hairdo)

Plucky: "I meant to do that."

(Plucky turns around. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view of him between two Duck Showgirls)

Plucky (singing): "Hey, there are ducks, whose beaks need some kissing," (As the Duck Showgirl on the right inadvertently hits him) "Oof!" (singing) "And kissing's what I'm gonna do," (As the Duck Showgirl on the left inadvertently hits him) "Ouch!, watch it!" (Singing) "Man, those ducks aren't hip to what they're missing," (As the two Duck Showgirls inadvertently crush him in between them) "Eef! Oof!"

(The camera cuts to a side view of Plucky and the Duck Showgirl on the right)

Plucky (singing): "I've got a mess of living to do!" (As the Duck Showgirl inadvertently hits him with her hairdo) "Oof! Cut, stop, cease, take ten, everybody!" (As he points to the Duck Showgirl) "You take ten years!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Plucky as he adjusts his bow tie)

Plucky: "Showgirls. Hmm."

(The camera cuts back to the previous view as Plucky walks away and the Duck Showgirl unzips herself, revealing her to be a costumed Hamton)

Hamton: "Sorry, Plucky."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Plucky angrily walks away, then moves to the left side of the screen, where Buster and Babs are. Babs is sitting in a chair with Plucky's name on it, applying her make-up)

Buster: "I'm getting that sick feeling."

Babs: "Oh, and I'm not?"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Buster and Babs as the latter turns around and points at Plucky)

Babs: "It's all because of him."

Plucky (as he walks in): "Step aside, rabbits!" (As Buster and Babs walk away and he combs his hairdo) "Hmmph! Just a tad jealous, are we?"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of Buster, Babs, and Plucky together. Buster is sitting atop two trunks and Babs is sitting on a chair)

Buster: "No, no, just glad to take the weekend off."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Babs)

Babs: "Looks like your show's gonna be great, Plucky."

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky as he continues combing his hair)

Plucky: "I'm glad Warner Bros. finally realized my potential. This show's gonna be a humongous blockbuster, Buster."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of Buster, Babs, and Plucky together)

Buster: "Oh, yeah. This is a much better break than that little old Batman part."

Babs: "Oh, Batman, Schmatman. Plucky didn't want that bitsy part anyway."

Plucky: "What part?" (As he walks up to Buster, grabs him and shakes him) "What part are you talking about?"

Buster (as he pulls out a newspaper): "Ah, Tim Burton's directing another Batman movie."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view. On the front of the newspaper are the words, Varietoon. KEATON BAGS BATMAN 37. BURTON DIRECTS. Babs walks in)

Babs: "Michael Keaton's perfect for it."

Buster (as Plucky snatches the newspaper and looks at it): "Plucky belongs on television anyway, Babsy, not feature films."

(The camera zooms out as Buster and Babs turn around and walk away)

Babs: "It's really mature of him to realize it."

(The camera cuts to an opposing view as Plucky looks in disdain and tosses the newspaper aside, beginning to throw a tantrum)

Plucky: "No! I wanna be in a movie!"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view)

Plucky: "I wanna be Batman! I wanna, I wanna!"

(Plucky regresses into a diaper-wearing toddler as he continues crying. The camera zooms out as he bounces across the stage)

Plucky: "Wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster and Babs)

Buster: "But what about your show?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky, who finishes his tantrum by reverting back to his normal age)

Plucky: "Who cares about a lousy T.V. show? I'm feature material! I'm Batman!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Plucky jumps onto the right stair rail and pounds one of the statues)

Plucky: "That's my part! My part, I tell you!"

(The camera cuts to a further zoomed-out view of the stage as Plucky knocks the statue over, causing a chain reaction when it hits the other statues.

Plucky (as he walks to the left stair rail): "It belongs to me! I deserve it, and furthermore,"

(The camera cuts to a view of the left stair rail as Plucky stands in front of it)

Plucky: "I'm gonna get it!"

(The last statue falls and break on top of Plucky. The camera zooms out, revealing Buster and Babs to be watching it on TV. Buster laughs)

Buster: "Ouch!"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view of Buster and Babs sitting on the couch)

Babs: "Finally. A plot."

Buster: "Let The Plucky Duck Show begin!"

(The screen fades to black, then to The Plucky Duck Show theme song)

Act One
(The title card is shown, which shows Plucky as Batduck's face in a spotlight over the city. The screen adds to black, then to the next scene, where Plucky is sitting in a taxi next to Hamton)

Plucky: "Hammy, old pal, don't sweat it. I need an agent to get on the lot. You're perfect, Hammy Lazar, babe!"

(The camera zooms out, revealing Hamton to be wearing a business suit and glasses)

Hamton: "Gee, I don't know."

(The camera cuts to a view of the road as the Taxi drives past it)

Plucky: "That's okay, I do! You get me on the lot, I see Tim Burton, he faces facts!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Hamton looking at Plucky from inside the taxi)

Plucky: "I am Batman! Now, keep practicing your line."

Hamton (as he turns around): "Love you, babe, let's have lunch."

Plucky: "No, no. Not 'have' lunch, 'do' lunch!"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view)

Hamton: "But, Plucky," (As he pulls down a chart and points at it) "'Do lunch' is bad grammar; improper use of a transitive verb."

(The camera cuts to a view of the Taxi's backside as it drives away. Plucky rips up the chart and tosses it out the window)

Plucky: "It's slang, jargon, colloquial chatter! Keep practicing, keep practicing."

(The camera cuts to a view outside the Warner Bros. Studio as the taxi stops in front of it. It then cuts to a view of Plucky looking at the Taxi Driver)

Plucky: "Can you pick us up later?"

(The Taxi Driver turns around, revealing he is The Terminator)

The Terminator: "I'll be back.

Plucky: "Uh, thanks."

(Plucky reaches down. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-in view as he holds up a Tiny Toon Adventures refrigerator magnet, complete with Buster and Babs in the logo)

Plucky: "Uh, here's a refrigerator magnet for you."

(The camera cuts back to the previous view as Plucky places the magnet on The Terminator's head. The magnet clings to The Terminator's robotic exterior. The camera cuts to a view outside the taxi as The Terminator throws Plucky and Hamton out the window, and they land in the wall)

Plucky: "Ow!"

Hamton: "Oof!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Plucky and Hamton as they form into metal liquid, then reform back to their regular selves)

Plucky: "No problemo."

(The camera cuts to a view of Ralph, who is sleeping in booth near the gate. An arrow is fired over his head and goes through his hat)

Ralph: "Hey! Watch the arrows!"

(Kevin Costner as Robin Hood runs through as Ralph removes the arrow from his hat and puts his hat on his head)

Kevin Costner: "Like, cheerio to you, too, my merry man, for sure."

Hamton (as he walks by): "Love you, babe, let's have lunch." (as he stops) "Uh, do lunch!"

Ralph (as Hamton walks away): "Uh, hey! That'd be great! Thanks."

Plucky (as he runs by): "Hammy, wait up!"

(Ralph pulls out a rope and twirls it around like a lasso. The camera cuts to a side view as Plucky tries to run after Hamton, only to be caught in Ralph's rope)

Plucky: "Oof!" (To the viewers) "I feel a painful 'guard at the gate' sequence approaching."

(The camera cuts back to the previous view as Ralph pulls Plucky back and grabs him)

Ralph: "Where do you think you're going?"

Plucky (as the camera zooms in on him): "I'm Plucky Duck! I'm with Hammy Lazar. Oh, Hammy!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Hamton, who is still walking while trying to remember his line)

Hamton: "Love you, babe, let's have lunch." (as he stops and snaps his fingers) "Darn! Wrong again!"

(Hamton walks away. The camera cuts to a view of Plucky and Ralph. Ralph is playing with the tied-up Plucky like a yo-yo)

Ralph: "Rock the cradle!"

Plucky: "I'm… here to see Tim Burton."

Ralph: "Walk the dog!"

Plucky: "There must be some mistake."

Ralph: "I don't make mistakes, I eject them!"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view)

Ralph: "Around the world!"

(Ralph tosses Plucky into the air)

Plucky: "Whoa!"

(The camera cuts to a view outside the Earth's atmosphere, and focuses on Plucky as he flies, until he lands on the lens of a Hubble Space Telescope)

Plucky: "Oof!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Plucky on the lens. He looks through it)

Plucky: "Hmmm. Doesn't seem to want to focus." (As he adjusts the lens) "That's better."

(The screen transitions to a view of Ralph at the gate as Plucky, dressed as "Edward Hedge-clipper Hands" walks up to him)

Plucky: "Oof! I'm Edward Hedge-clipper Hands. Ah! An old friend of, ooh, Mr. Burton's."

Ralph: "I've read your clippings!"

Plucky: "Ooh, a piffy pun. Ouch!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Ralph, about to pull a chain under a sign that says, JECTO JERK. It then cuts to an opposing view of Plucky)

Plucky: "Wait a second!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view)

Plucky: "Listen, you look like a sporting guy. How's about we settle this with a little wager? A game of 'scissors, paper, rock'? I win, I go in. You win, I calmly walk away."

Ralph (as he walks out of the booth): "Uhh, okay."

(The camera cuts to a side view of the booth as Plucky and Ralph play scissors, paper, rock)

Plucky and Ralph: "Scissors, paper,"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Ralph as he pulls a lever)

Ralph: "Rock!"

(The camera cuts back to the previous view as a giant rock falls on Plucky, flattening him)

Plucky (as he walks away in a weary voice): "I calmly walk away."

(The camera cuts to a view of Ralph's backside as a delivery truck stops. The driver tosses a box out and drives away. The camera then cuts to an opposing view as Ralph picks up the box and reads the note on it)

Ralph: "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view as a cloud of pink dust emits from the box. It then moves upwards as Plucky, dressed like Beetlejuice, emerges from the dust cloud)

Plucky: "It's showtime!" (Laughs wickedly) "Hope you're not squeamish." (Wheezes) "Well?"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view and zooms out as Ralph transforms into a giant with a carousel for a hat and hammers for arms. It then cuts to another opposing view as Plucky is now on a strength test game)

Plucky: "Yipe!"

(Ralph slams on the strength test game, launching Plucky into the air. The camera focuses on Plucky as he is launched, then cuts to a view of Hamton as he walks across the studio, still trying to remember his line)

Hamton: "Love you, babe, let's do lunch." (As he stops) "Do lunch! Hey!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Hamton)

Hamton: "I got it! I did it right! Plucky, I…"

(Hamton looks around. The camera cuts to a further zoomed-in view of him)

Hamton: "Plucky?"

(Hamton looks up. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Plucky lands near Hamton, turning into a pile of goo and a beak)

Plucky: "Whoa!"

(The camera cuts to a slightly zoomed-in view as Plucky reaches out and grabs Hamton's cheek)

Plucky: "Hello? St. Peter? When do I get my wings?"

(Plucky lets go of Hamton)

Hamton: "Plucky, it's me, Hamton! You're on the lot!"

(Plucky emerges from the pile of goo)

Plucky: "I am? I are? We is? We are? Yes! We're on the lot! Come on, Hammy, we gotta find Tim Burton's office!"

(Plucky rushes off, taking Hamton with him. The camera then cuts to an overhead view of the two of them as they walk across the lot)

Plucky: "From here on in, this is a piece of cake."

(The camera cuts to a side view of Plucky and Hamton)

Plucky: "The part of Batman is mine! Where is that office?"

Hamton (as he stares in shock): "Uh, I think that's it there!"

Plucky (as he jumps on Hamton's head and grabs it): "Let me at it!"

(The camera moves quickly over to the right side of the screen, until it reaches Tim Burton's office, which is atop a spiral mountain. Thunder crashes and lightning flashes. The camera then cuts to a view of a rather terrified Plucky and zooms in on him)

Plucky: "Mommy!"

(The screen fades to black, ending Act One)

Act Two
(The second act begins with an overhead view of Plucky and Hamton as they walk across the WB Studio lot. The camera zooms in on them, then cuts to a side view of them)

Plucky: "Hamton, drastic measures are in order if we want to get to see Tim Burton. I propose we descend into the sewers."

Hamton (sighs): "Why not? That's what all the other shows do during ratings sweep month."

(Plucky pulls out a rolled-up piece of paper from his pocket)

Plucky: "No, I mean the real sewer, Ham-brain!"

(The camera zooms out as Hamton looks at the manhole cover in front of him)

Hamton: "Oh!"

(Plucky unrolls the paper. The camera cuts to an opposing view and zooms out, revealing it is a map of the WB studio's sewer system)

Plucky: "We just follow this map and sneak up under the office. He'll have to see me!"

(The camera cuts back to the previous view)

Hamton: "Wow! Where did you get that?"

(Plucky points to the right side of the screen. The camera moves quickly to the right side, until it reaches a man selling Sewer Maps for $5.00 each)

Sewer Map Salesman: "Hey, Plucky, by, balla-ba-boo!"

(The camera cuts to a dark, under head view of the sewer as Plucky opens the manhole cover. He proceeds to climb down the ladder)

Hamton: "B-but aren't there… r-rats in the sewer?"

(Plucky stops. The camera cuts to an overhead view of him)

Plucky: "Rope it in, Ham-head! There are no rats, no alligators, no, nothing!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the bottom of the ladder as Plucky and Hamton climb down. Three of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pass by, yelling and slashing their weapons, and Plucky stares in shock. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-in view of Plucky and Hamton)

Plucky: "Nothing to speak of, anyway." (To the viewers) "Who saw that one coming?"

(The viewers raise their hands)

Viewers (simultaneously): "I did!"

(The camera cuts to a view of a fork in the sewer as Plucky and Hamton approach it. It then cuts to an opposing view of them)

Plucky: "Hmm. A left, a left, a right to the body,"

(An Insect buzzes around Plucky. He rolls up the map to use it to smack The Insect)

Plucky: "Get, get out of here, you pesky insect! Go on, splat!"

(Plucky hits the insect with his map. The camera cuts to a view of the sewer wall as The Insect hits it. It then cuts to a zoomed-in view of the Insect, who is revealed to be Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell from the 1991 Spielberg film, Hook)

Tinkerbell: "That's what I get for taking small parts. Oh!"

(Tinkerbell slides down the wall. The camera cuts to a view of a spotlight over the sewer water as Plucky and Hamton walk up to it)

Plucky: "Look! There's a light!"

(The camera zooms in on the spotlight. It then cuts to a closer view of it as Plucky and Hamton walk up to it, followed by a view of Plucky by himself as he sniffs the water)

Plucky: "Ewww. I wonder what's up there."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out opposing view as a giant ladle appears and scoops some of the water and Plucky up with it. It then cuts to a view of an ugly Chef smoking a cigar, revealing he is the one holding the ladle. The Chef grumbles as he pulls the ladle up)

Chef: "Stew!"

(The camera zooms out, revealing Plucky to be at the WB Commisary. It then cuts to a view of Oprah Winfrey carrying a tray with a bowl on it)

Oprah: "I'll have the chili special, please."

(The camera cuts to a view of the Chef as Oprah walks up to him and sets her tray down. The Chef puts Plucky in the bowl)

Plucky': "Eeek!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky in the bowl as he spits out the sewer water. Oprah uses her spoon to pick him up, then the camera cuts to a view of her as Plucky stares in shock and she puts him in her mouth. Plucky then opens her mouth)

Plucky: "Whoa!"

(Plucky runs out, then the camera cuts to a view of him holding a manhole cover)

Plucky: "You don't wanna eat me, you don't know where I've been!"

(Plucky pulls down the manhole cover. The screen then transitions to a view of him and Hamton as they approach another ladder)

Plucky: "Let's try this exit."

(Plucky climbs up the ladder. The camera cuts to a view outside, where Danny DeVito, dressed as The Penguin, is arguing with Dustin Hoffman, who is dressed as Captain Hook. When Plucky reaches the top, he sees what's going on)

Danny DeVito: "You're out of your mind! I'm shorter!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Danny DeVito and Dustin Hoffman)

Dustin Hoffman: "Uh, no, I am!"

Danny DeVito: "I am!"

(The camera cuts back to the previous view as Plucky turns his head to the viewers)

Plucky: "Oooh, a 'little' argument."

(Plucky runs back down. The screen transitions to a view of Plucky and Hamton, focusing on them as they continue traveling through the sewer, until they reach the end)

Plucky: "Hmmm. It's too dark to read this thing.

Hamton: "Dark and," (mutters) "Scary!"

(Hamton hugs Plucky, who then pushes him back)

Plucky: "Don't crack on me, Ham-head! So what if it's dark? So what if it's scary?" (in a frightened voice) "So what if it's claustrophobic and and I latent fear of closed-in places?" (he drops the map and looks around) "I GAVE UP MY OWN SHOW TO DIE IN A SEWER?!"

(Plucky and Hamton scream in fear as a pair of hands reaches out and grabs them. The camera cuts to a view outside the sewer, revealing the pair of hands belongs to The Terminator, who pulls them out)

The Terminator: "I told you I'd be back."

(The Terminator drops Plucky and Hamton and walks away. The camera zooms in on them)

Plucky: "We're safe! We're alive! Hey, Hammy, look!"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view, revealing they are directly outside Tim Burton's office)

Plucky: "We've made it to Tim Burton's office! Come on, let's not keep him waiting!"

(Plucky grabs Hamton and runs towards the office, dragging him along. The camera cuts to a view of one of the windows as they approach it, then to a zoomed-in view)

Plucky: "That's Tim Burton right there!"

(As Plucky and Hamton look inside, the camera cuts to an opposing view and zooms out)

Tim Burton: "I admit you're good. You're, you're dark, you're sinister, you're absurd, you've got a cool costume, but, uh, I've got a Batman already."

(The camera cuts to a view of Tim's backside, revealing Dracula to be the one auditioning for the part of Batman)

Dracula: "Very well. It's your funeral. I'll go with Coppola."

(Drcaula transforms into a bat and flies away. The camera cuts to a view of Tim's Secretaries, one of whom is Mitzi Avery, as Plucky opens the doors and goes inside)

Plucky: "Plucky Duck here to see Tim Burton!"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view as the Secretaries scream in fear and run away)

(Plucky walks towards the doorway Tim's office. The camera cuts to a view of Tim playing with a green slinky and zooms out on him as Plucky opens the door)

Plucky: "Timmy, it's me, Plucky Duck!"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view, focusing on Tim as he gasps in fear. He runs out of his desk and opens a door with the Batman logo on it. He then goes inside and closes the door. Plucky runs to the door and opens it, and the camera cuts to a view inside a Batman-themed bathroom as Tim tries to escape out the window. It then cuts to an opposing view of Plucky)

Plucky: "Don't do it, Tim!"

(Plucky runs towards Tim. The camera cuts to a view of Tim nearing his escape as Plucky catches up to him, trying to pull him back in)

Plucky: "You've got… everything to live for! You're young, you know Michelle Pfeiffer, heh, and the best reason of all, you've got me to play Batman!

(Plucky pulls Tim back in. The camera cuts to an opposing view as Plucky sits down in a chair)

Plucky: "Didn't you see me as Batduck?"

(Plucky pulls down a screen. on the screen is a cel of him as Batduck)

Plucky: "T-shirts still available!"

(Plucky pulls out a grey t-shirt with the Batman logo on it. $29.95 appears on the screen in front of him. Plucky pulls up the screen, then Tim breaks free from the chair)

Tim: "Sorry, Plucky, I've already got a Batman."

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Plucky)

Plucky: "But Tim, we're brethren of animation! Cut from the same cel! You owe it to me to give me a screen test!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view)

Plucky: "Have you forgotten your animation background? Your roots, Tim, your roots!"

Tim: "What do you mean?"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view)

Plucky: "What do I mean? What do I mean?"

(Plucky pulls down a screen. On the screen is him and Tim on the set of Here's Your Life!. A spotlight appears over tim)

Announcer: "Tim Burton, here is your life!"

(The Applause sign flashes, and the audience applauds. The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view as Plucky pushes Tim onto the couch)

Tim: "Oof!"

(The camera cuts to a further zoomed-in view as Plucky walks up to Tim, opens a book, and looks through it)

Plucky: "The year 1963, and a young lad of five years drew his very first character." (As he closes the book) "Listen."

Mr. Squiggly (heard offscreen): "You broke your crayon and I was born!"

(Plucky laughs. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of him and Tim as he walks off the couch and points to the left side of the screen)

Plucky: "Remember Mr. Squiggly?"

(The camera moves to the left side of the screen. The curtains open, and Mr. Squiggly appears in a spotlight. He walks away, then the camera cuts to a view of Plucky and Tim as Mr. Squiggly walks up to the latter. It then cuts to a close-up of Tim as Mr. Squiggly hugs him)

Tim: "Plucky, that was eons ago!"

(The camera cuts back to the previous view)

Plucky: "Yes, and how about this old favorite from a couple of years later? Bizarro, the cat with six legs!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the curtains as they open. A spotlight appears over Bizarro, who meows. Bizarro jumps offscreen, then the camera cuts to a view of Tim as Bizarro lands on his head)

Tim: "Plucky, please, that's enough!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the open curtains, with the spotlight in the middle, as Plucky walks up to them)

Plucky: "Remember drawing… Jimmy the Nostril Boy? Theodore Slinky-neck? Nicholas Transmission-head?"

(As Plucky announces their names, Tim's past drawings walk pas him. The camera then cuts to a view of them grabbing Tim)

Tim: "No. No, please, stop, stop!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Tim's face as Plucky puts his head up against his)

Plucky: "Will you give me a screen test?"

Tim: "I can't!"

(Plucky walks away. The camera cuts to back to the curtains as he continues introducing Tim's past drawings)

Plucky: "Janet Vice-grip Ears? Aloysius Radiator-elbows? Spartacus Spark Plug-puss?"

(The camera cuts back to Tim, surrounded by his past drawings)

Tim: "All right, all right, I'll give you a screen test! 10:00 tomorrow, just leave!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky, who has an overjoyed expression on his face. He pulls up the screen, revealing Hamton behind it)

Plucky: "Yee-es, Ham-a-licious!" (Laughs, then as he grabs Hamton) "I have a date with greatness! I have a date with destiny!" (As he pushes his face up against Hamton's) "I have a date with,"

Ralph (heard offscreen as he grabs Plucky and Hamton) "Security!"

(The camera cuts to a view outside Tim's office as Ralph opens the door, then to a side view of him, Plucky, and Hamton)

Plucky: "Careful, not the face! Screen test tomorrow!"

Ralph: "Until tomorrow, then!"

(Ralph kicks Plucky and Hamton out. The camera cuts to a view of Burton's office from a distance and focuses on Plucky and Hamton as they scream and land near the entrance to the WB studios, ending up with flattened bodies)

Plucky and Hamton: "Whoa!"

Plucky: "We must prepare! The time has come for… The Return of Batduck! To the Duck Cave!"

(Plucky and Hamton waddle away. The camera cuts to a view of their backsides as they continue waddling away, then the screen fades to black, ending Act Two)

Act Three
(The third act begins with a view of the Tiny Toons Props and Costumes storage building. Plucky and Hamton approach the building)

Plucky: "Once we pick up my old Batduck costume and props, I'll ace this screen test!"

(Plucky and Hamton open the door and go inside. The camera cuts to a view of them inside)

Plucky: "Besides, it'll be fun to see the Duck Cave set again! Hmm… now, which door is it?"

(The camera cuts to a view of a door with the Batman logo on it. Plucky looks at the door)

Plucky: "Yes!"

(The camera cuts to a darkened view inside the room as Plucky opens the door)

Plucky: "And so, I return! Every inch of this Duck Cave embedded in my brain! So familiar, so… Hmmm. Where's that light switch?"

(Plucky turns on the light, revealing the room he is in to be the janitor's closet, due to the cleaning products seen)

Plucky: "Oops, wrong door."

(The camera cuts to a view of a door with the word, BATROOM on it. Plucky and Hamton walk up to it)

Plucky: "And so, I return!"

(The camera cuts to a darkened view inside the room. Plucky opens the door, walks in, and turns on the light, revealing the room to be a Batman-themed bathroom. He looks around in shock)

Plucky: "What is this?"

(The camera zooms out, revealing the scene to be on the show, Practical Pranks and Goof-ups, with Dick Clark and Ed McMayhem)

Dick Clark: "And wait till' he gets a load of what's behind the next door!"

Ed McMayhem: "Ha! Oh, oh, yes, Sir!"

(Ed McMayhem continues laughing. He and Dick Clark both get hit by falling anvils. The camera zooms out, revealing Plucky and Hamton to have watched it on a screen)

Plucky: "That's enough of that."

(The screen transitions to a view inside the Duck Cave)

Plucky: "And so, I finally return!" (as he backs up) "Everything, just where I remembered it!" (as he falls of a ledge) "Whoa!"

(The camera cuts to a view of a dazed Plucky)

Plucky: "Except the stairs."

(The screen transitions to a view of a white sheet. Plucky runs up to it and pulls it off, revealing the Duckarang underneath)

Plucky: "The Duckarang!"

(The camera cuts to a view of another white sheet. Plucky runs up to it and pulls it off, revealing the Duck Launcher underneath)

Plucky: "The Duck Launcher!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Hamton dressed as Decoy. Plucky runs up to him)

Plucky: "Ah, my sidekick, Decoy, the Pig Hostage!"

(The camera cuts to a view of a vault with Plucky's Batduck costume inside. He runs up the vault and opens the door)

Plucky: "And most important of all, my Batduck costume!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view, revealing Hamton at the controls)

Plucky: "Fire up the seal-a-duck, Decoy!"

Hamton: "Roger, Batduck!"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view as Hamton activates the controls. It then cuts to a view of Plucky inside the vault as the door closes, then moves to the right side of the screen as Hamton presses a red button. The camera then cuts to a view inside the vault as a mechanical arm grabs Plucky)

Plucky: "Oop!"

(The mechanical arm pulls Plucky up. The camera then cuts to a view of the grey exterior of Plucky's Batduck costume as the mechanical arm puts him in it and drops it. It then cuts to a view of Plucky as he grunts and pulls his head out of the grey exterior, then a pair of mechanical arms puts his Batduck mask on him)

Plucky: "Yeouch!"

(Another mechanical arm hands Plucky his cape, which Plucky snatches from it. The camera cuts to a view of Hamton at the controls)

Hamton: "Activate Pump-a-duck!"

(The camera moves over to a button under the word, PUMP-A-DUCK as Hamton presses it. It then cuts to a view of Plucky dressed as Batduck inside the vault as a hose goes into his costume)

Plucky: "Oof, uh!" (As the hose inflates his costume) "Oof, oof, eef, eef!"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view outside the vault as the hose continues to overinflate Plucky's costume. The overinflated costume breaks the vault, and the camera cuts to a view of a nervous Hamton)

Hamton: "Oh, dear!"

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of Plucky in his overinflated Batduck costume, focusing on him as he floats upwards, until he hits some stalactites on the ceiling, which pop the costume. It then cuts to a view of him as he falls to the floor)

Plucky: "Ugh!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of the unconscious Plucky)

Plucky (wearily): "Pump-a-duck complete!"

(A parody of the Batman logo is used as a transition to the next scene, where Plucky and Hamton arrive to the WB studio in the Batduckmobile. They stop, then Plucky jumps out)

Plucky: "Find a nice, safe, parking spot, Decoy!"

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Hamton)

Hamton: "Affirmative, Batduck!"

(The camera cuts back to the previous view as Hamton starts up the Batduckmobile, then drives away. It then cuts to an opposing view as he drives it into the wall, compacting it into a cube, which bounces and lands in between a green car and a yellow and white truck. The camera then cuts to a view of the compacted Batduckmobile near the green car as a cube-shaped Hamton jumps out of it, followed by a view of Plucky pointing to him)

Plucky: "Sidekicks."

(The screen transitions to a view of Plucky standing atop one of the buildings of the set of Batman Returns. The camera zooms out and moves to the left side of the screen, where Tim Burton is)

Plucky (heard offscreen): "Ready when you are, Tim, baby!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Tim, who is writing on a clipboard)

Tim: "Plucky, in this scene, you say your line, and then you make a big, dramatic exit. Okay?"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view of Plucky on the building)

Plucky: "Got it!"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Plucky)

Plucky: "Dramatic, huh?"

(A clapper board appears over Plucky. It says, TITLE: PLUCKY DUCK SCREEN TEST, DIR. BURTON, SC. 1, TAKE 1. The stagehand claps the clapper board, then the camera then cuts to a view of Tim)

Tim: "And… action!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky)

Plucky: "I don't want to do this, I have to, I'm Batman!"

(Plucky pulls out the Duck Launcher and fires it. The camera cuts to a view of the plunger, focusing on it as it flies towards the open window, then to a side view as it goes inside. It then cuts back to Plucky, who is pulled offscreen by the rope, followed a view of him, focusing on him as he falls down the building and lands on the pavement, grunting, then a view of him when he reaches Tim)

Plucky: "How was that, Tim, Timmo?"

(The camera cuts to an opposing view and zooms in on Tim)

Tim: "Huh? Oh, oh, yeah. That was um, uh, it needs to be dark, more absurd. More serious, but uh, you know, silly. Uh, large, small… and gothic)

(The camera cuts back to the previous view as Plucky walks away)

Plucky: "Oh, that."

Tim: "Let's do it again."

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky standing atop the building. A clapper board appears over him, saying, TITLE: PLUCKY DUCK SCREEN TEST, DIR. BURTON, SC. 1, TAKE 2. The stagehand claps the clapper board, then moves it away as Plucky says his line again)

Plucky: "I don't want to do this, I have to, I'm Batman!"

(Plucky pulls out the Duck Launcher and fires it again. Just like before, the camera cuts to a view of the plunger, zooming in as it reaches the building. It cuts to a side view again, but this time, it cuts to a view inside, revealing the plunger to have latched onto a safe. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view of the set as Plucky swings down and slams into the building, followed by a view of him as he slides down the building. It then cuts to a view of Plucky atop the building for the third time. This time, the clapper board that appears over him says, TITLE: PLUCKY DUCK SCREEN TEST, DIR. BURTON, SC. 1, TAKE 3.. The stagehand claps the clapper board and moves it away as Plucky reluctantly says his line)

Plucky (wearily): "I don't want to do this, I… I…" (crying) "I really don't want to do this!" (crying) "But I have to!" (Breathing heavily) "I'm Batman!"

(Plucky fires the Duck Launcher again. The camera cuts to a view of a gargoyle perched atop the building as the plunger latches onto it. It then cuts to a zoomed-out view of the set as Plucky swings down, this time missing the building)

Plucky: "Ah… ha."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Plucky as he tries to swing over to the building. When he steps on the ledge, the camera cuts to a view of the gargoyle, revealing the concrete on it to break away. The gargoyle falls over, then the camera cuts back to Plucky as he tries to go inside the building)

Plucky: "Phew!"

(The gargoyle falls and the rope pulls Plucky with it)

Plucky: "Whoa!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the canopy as the gargoyle bounces off it, and the rope pulls Plucky up. It then cuts to an overhead view of the city as the gargoyle and Plucky are launched into the air)

Plucky: "Whoa!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky as he is being launched into the air)

Plucky: "Outstanding! A chance to use my utility belt!" (as he pulls out the duckarang) "The duckarang!"

(Plucky tosses the duckarang. The camera cuts to a view of one of the buildings as the duckarang latches onto it. It then cuts back to Plucky as he pulls out the duction cups)

Plucky: "The duction cups!"

(Plucky fires the duction cups. He then pulls out the duck sticker)

Plucky: "The duck sticker!"

(Plucky fires the duck sticker, then spins around and pulls out the duck hook)

Plucky: "The duck hook!"

(Plucky tosses the duck hook, then turns around and pulls out the duck tape)

Plucky: "The duck tape!"

(Plucky tosses the duck tape, then pulls out the duck anchor)

Plucky: "The duck anchor!"

(Plucky tosses the duck anchor. The camera cuts to a view of one of the buildings as the duck anchor lands on it, then to a zoomed-out view of the set as Plucky is now tied up in between the six buildings. It then cuts to an overhead view of the stage as he is pulled up, then the rope from the duck launcher escapes his grasp and he gasps. The camera cuts back to the previous view as Plucky falls down, starting to pull the six buildings down with him. It then cuts to a zoomed-in view of him as he looks around in shock.)

Plucky: "Is there an insurance salesman in the audience?"

(The camera cuts back to the previous view as the six buildings fall over and crush Plucky, emitting a cloud of dust. It then cuts to a view of an unconscious Plucky as he emerges from the rubble)

Plucky: "I feel pretty!"

(The camera cuts to a view of the gargoyle as it flies past the moon, then falls down. It then cuts to an overhead view of Plucky, zooming in as the gargoyle gets closer, then to a normal view of him as the gargoyle lands on top of him. Tim rushes over to see if Plucky is okay)

Tim: "Plucky?"

(Plucky emerges from the rubble and pants)

Plucky: "Don't you dare ask me to do that again, pal!"

(Plucky climbs on top of tim, then the camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of them together)

Plucky: "I've played your game, and I've survived! Heh heh heh! But this duck's nobody's fool! Nevermore!"

Tim (as he grabs Plucky): "That's it! That's… that's… the… that's the thing! Okay, you've got the part! You got it!" (As he drops Plucky) "Fire that other guy!"

(The camera cuts to a view of a starstruck Plucky. The screen then transitions to a view of Plucky outside his house)

Plucky: "Little more, little more."

(The camera cuts to an opposing view as an ACME MOVING COMPANY truck backs up, then back to the previous view as the truck gets stuck on the wooden bridge. It then cuts to a zoomed-in view of the truck and zooms out on it, revealing Buster and Babs to be watching it on TV. The camera cuts to an opposing view of them)

Buster: "Now what's he doing?"

Babs: "Let's check it out!"

(Buster and Babs get off the couch and walk away. The screen transitions to the next scene, where Plucky is trying to back the truck up as Buster and Babs walk up to him)

Buster: "So, what's with the moving van, Pluckster?"

Plucky: "I'm out of here!"

(Plucky, Buster, and Babs all gasp. The camera cuts to a view of the truck. Buster, Babs, and Plucky back up as the truck destroys the bridge, causing it to launch Plucky's house into the air. It then cuts to a view of Plucky's airborne house, followed by a view of Plucky as the house lands on top of him and gets smashed to pieces. Plucky emerges from the rubble and picks up a single suitcase)

Plucky: "Eh, good enough."

(Plucky walks away. The camera cuts to a view of Buster and Babs as he walks past them)

Plucky: "Toodle-oo, children. I'm off to my major star vehicle in a major star vehicle. Ha ha."

(A limousine drives up to Plucky. Plucky goes inside the limo, which then drives away)

Babs: "This we gotta see."

(Buster and Babs jump into the ground and burrow through it. The screen transitions to the next scene, where Plucky is on the set of Batman Returns, and the camera focuses on him as he walks across it.)

Plucky: "Boy, oh, boy! The real Batman set! Hmmm. I wonder if Catwoman is in this movie."

(After Plucky passes by Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman, he stops and looks at her in a lovestruck state. He pants heavily, then runs up to her and repeatedly kisser her leg. Needless to say, she is not amused. The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of him)

Plucky: "Rrrrr. Nice costume, kitten. Is that semi-gloss enamel?"

Michelle Pfeiffer (as she leans towards Plucky): "Get lost, duck!"

(Michelle scrapes Plucky's beak with her claws)

Plucky: "She likes me!"

(Plucky's beak splits in half. The camera cuts to a view of the loudspeaker)

Stagehand: "Places, please! Batman to the set, Batman to the set!"

(The camera cuts back to Plucky and Michelle)

Plucky: "There's my call! Gotta go!"

(Plucky blows a kiss to Michelle. who slices the heart into many pieces with her claws. The camera cuts to a view of Tim as as servant brings him a box of kitty litter. It then cuts to an overhead view of the box of kitty litter, revealing Sean Young dressed as Catwoman inside, desperate to play the part)

Sean Young: "Tim! I should be Catwoman! You know it! Look at me, it's unavoidable! Roar! Roar! You know what to do with me!"

(The camera cuts to a view of Tim)

Tim: "You're right. I do."

(Tim whistles. The camera cuts back to Sean as Elmyra runs up to her)

Elmyra: "Oooh, look at the pretty kitty! I'm gonna love you to pieces, you cute kitty-witty head!" (As Sean screams and she drags her by the tail of her Catwoman costume) "I've got kitty food and kitty milk and kitty litter and kitty toys…"

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster and Babs as they emerge from the ground)

Buster: "Ah, this looks like the place."

Babs (as Buster walks away): "How can you tell?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, focusing on him as he sniffs and walks his way across the stage)

Buster: "I smell Plucky's ego."

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky's backside as he looks for Tim)

Plucky: "Now, where's the director?"

(Plucky looks around, then continues his search for Tim. The camera cuts to an opposing view as he runs into Michael Keaton dressed as Batman, followed by a zoomed-in view of him)

Plucky: "Hey, watch it, you big willocks! Star coming through! Do you know who I am? Huh?"

(The camera moves up to Michael's face)

Michael Keaton: "No, who are you?"

(The camera cuts back to Plucky as he pulls down Michael's face, then lets go)

Plucky: "I'm Batman, you idiot! The star!"

(Plucky jumps into the air. The camera cuts to a view of Michael as Plucky jumps on top of him)

Plucky: "And you, my friend, are…"

(The camera cuts to a close-up of Plucky and Michael's faces pressed up against each other's)

Michael: "Batman."

Plucky (nervously): "Batman?"

Michael: "Batman."

(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Plucky deflates and melts into a pile of goo. It then cuts to a view of Tim, focusing on him as he walks past Michael and Plucky)

Tim: "Batman! Great! I'm excited. This gonna be big, this gonna be very large-sized." (As he points to Plucky) "This is, this is Plucky. He's gonna be your stunt duck."

(Tim and Michael walk away. The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Plucky as he picks himself up)

Plucky: "Stunt duck? St-st-stunt duck?! I'm the…"

(The camera cuts to a view of Tim and the stagehand)

Stagehand: "Stunt duck! Stunt duck on the set, please!"

(The camera cuts back to Plucky, who is now crying. A parody of the Batman logo is used as a transition to the next scene, where Michael Keaton as Batman punches several Villains, then blows a raspberry)

Michael: "Go ahead." (As he lifts his shirt, revealing his chest) "Do your best to harm me. I'll die for my profession. Go ahead, show no mercy, I can take it!"

(The Villains surround Michael, who stares in shock. Among the Villains are Dr. Gene Splicer from Hare-Raising Night and Mr. Hitcher from How I Spent My Vacation. The camera cuts to a view of Plucky)

Tim (heard offscreen): "Cut! Stunt duck!"

(The Stagehand grabs Plucky. The camera cuts back to the previous view as the Stagehand takes Michael away and puts Plucky in his place)

Tim (heard offscreen): "Okay, action!"

(Plucky stares in shock as the Villains beat him up, surrounding him in a cloud of dust. Plucky pulls his head out of the dust cloud and screams in pain. The camera cuts to a close-up of a steam engine's wheels, and zooms out, revealing the steam engine to be chasing Plucky, who screams in fear. It then cuts to a view of Plucky, focusing on him as he runs away from the steam engine, followed by a view of him running away from falling oversized dangerous weapons, screaming in fear the entire time. The camera then cuts to an underhead view of a plane as Plucky is kicked out of it, screaming in fear, followed by a view of him being chased by a lion, again, screaming in fear. It then cuts to a view of him being beaten up by a Sumo Wrestler, focusing on him as the Sumo Wrestler tosses him over the side of the building)

Plucky: "Whoa!"

(Plucky lands with a crash. The camera cuts to a view of a Batduck-shaped hole in the floor)

Plucky (wearily): "I misunderstood the job description."

(The camera zooms out on the hole, revealing Tim holding a megaphone)

Tim: "Cut! That's a wrap for the stunt duck!"

(The camera cuts to a view from inside the hole. Buster, Babs, and Hamton look down at Plucky to see if he's okay)

Hamton: "Plucky, are you okay?"

(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky as he emerges from the hole and jumps onto Hamton)

Plucky: "No! I'm mentally deficient! What was I thinking? Batduck? Sheesh!"

(Plucky pulls his Batduck mask off. The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of him holding the mask in his right hand)

Plucky: "Vanity, thy name is Plucky Duck!" (To the viewers) "With a different spelling, of course."

(The camera cuts to an overhead view of Plucky as he tosses the mask aside)

Plucky: "I could be starring in my own show at this very moment, and I threw it all away!"

(Plucky cries. The camera zooms out on him as Buster walks up to him)

Buster: "Actually, Plucky, old pal, this is your show!"

(Plucky stops crying, then rises up and Grabs Buster)

Plucky: "What? Right now? We're on?

(Buster points Plucky towards the camera, which cuts to an opposing view, revealing the director to be filming the show. It then cuts to a view from inside the camera's viewfinder, which shows Buster and Plucky in black and white. Plucky runs up to the camera and presses his face up against it)

Plucky: "How much time is left?"

Buster (as he points to his watch): "About ten seconds."

Plucky: "What? My song! My song!"

(Plucky reaches through the viewfinder and pulls out the background for his closing number. He puts on his tuxedo and Elvis-style hairdo, then snaps his fingers and a spotlight appears over him)

Announcer: "And now, in his very own television show, Plucky Duck!"

(Plucky runs backwards up the stairs. The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of him as he reaches the top, then zooms out on him, revealing he is standing under the Batduck logo)

Plucky: "Okay, the big number! Hit it!"

(The Batduck logo falls on him. The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of his beak)

Plucky: "In a gadda da vida, baby!"

(The screen irises out on Plucky's beak, and the credits roll)