The Lucky Cat Caper

Theme music plays.

Shadowsan: Somewhere in my coat lies a single dollar bill. The coat has many pockets. Locate the target and acquire it... if you can. You have 2 minutes.

''Carmen bows and faces off against him. From the faces in the audience, we see that this is her first year of the academy.''

Tigress: Ha! This is going well.

Carmen grows increasingly desperate as she is running out of time.

''The timer hits zero. At the same time, Carmen gasps awake to her phone ringing, a symbol of a white baseball cap on the screen.''

Carmen: The coat was empty, wasn't it?!

Player: Oh boy... You're having that dream again, aren't you?

Carmen: "Dream" makes it sound like make-believe, Player. This actually happened.

Player: For the best, right, Red? I mean, if you'd actually aced crime school, you might be stealing for VILE instead of from them.

Carmen: For the Villains International League of Evil? Highly doubt that.

Player: So how come failing Shadowsan's final is still bugging you?

She takes a deep breath.

Carmen: I don't know... Maybe because I never got to see where the dollar bill was hiding when the exam was over. I was the best pickpocket in Stealth 101. Way better than Tigress. Guess I just feel like I still have something to prove.

She opens the curtains.

Carmen: Mm, what a view...

''We see her view out the window. It's skyscrapers and fog.''

Carmen: Pea soup.

Player: They don't call San Francisco, California "Fog City" for nothing. The fog blows in so often that the locals gave it a name: Karl.

Carmen: But when the fog lifts, what a view. The Golden Gate Bridge towers 746 feet above the bay. It's one of the city's iconic landmarks, along with cable cars, the oldest and largest Chinatown in America, and "The Rock": Alcatraz Island, home of the famous prison.

Player: Too bad it hasn't been used to jail criminals since 1963. Since VILE loves hanging out on islands, it would've been the perfect place to lock them up.

Carmen: Until that day comes, I'm happy to keep stealing their money to spend on worthwhile causes, like the Children's Foundation charity auction tonight. A foggy night seems like perfect trench coat weather. But I really should dress for the occasion.

Auctioneer: Going once... going twice... sold for $78,000 to the generous lady in red.

The other attendees applaud.

Player: You really bought the car from ''Rogue Vendetta 5? ''Who knew you were into action flicks?

Carmen: It goes with my dress, and Zack will totally flip.

Auctioneer: Ladies and gentlemen, this next item is what you've been waiting all evening for: an extremely rare postage stamp donated by an anonymous private collector. "The One-Cent Black on Magenta."

Carmen: Hehe, we can use it to send a postcard to VILE.

Player: Whoa. It's actually really valuable, to the tune of a cool 10 million.

Carmen: Cents. Very funny, Player.

Player: No, seriously, dollars.

Carmen: How is a one-cent stamp worth 10 million dollars?

Player: Only a small number of these black on magentas were ever printed, and this is the only one known to survive. I'm taking up stamp collecting.

Carmen: Great, I'll win it for you. VILE can afford it.

Auctioneer: A reminder that all proceeds go to the Children's Foundation, so don't be shy. Bidding begins at...

''A man unveils the stamp... except it has been stolen. She gasps.''

Auctioneer: It's gone!

Carmen stands abruptly.

Carmen: Player!

Player: On it. Security feeds show movement on the south side of the building. You'll just have to get through Karl.

Carmen: Who? Oh, Karl. The fog.

''She goes outside and uses a flashlight to see through the fog. A shadowy figure approaches.''

Chase: Carmen Sandiego.

Carmen: Chase Devineaux.

Chase: If one wishes to vanish into the cloak of night, perhaps one should not shine a beacon.

Carmen: Thanks for the tip.

She shines the light into his eyes.

Chase: Gah!

''He makes a grab for her, but she's long run away. He runs after her.''

Chase: And perhaps one should not wear loud, clacky shoes.

''Her footsteps stop. He stops too and looks around in confusion. One high heel hits him in the face.''

Chase: Ah! Ugh.

He resumes running after her from the direction the shoe came from.

Chase: I have you now, you crimson phantom!

Julia: There you are!

Chase: Gah! Yes. I am here, and you are there, Ms. Argent. But where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego?!

He walks away and she follows.

Julia: Stealing from a children's charity makes very little sense for Ms. Sandiego, especially following the events in Mumbai where she left the stolen Magna Carta for us to find.

Chase: Meep, meep, meep!

He points toward a silhouette that appears to be Carmen, then takes off running.

Chase: Aha!

When he gets closer, he sees it's actually Mime Bomb, who is grinning.

Chase: Wah!

Mime Bomb smiles at him.

Chase: Go on, get out of here!

He waves and walks backward, disappearing into the fog.

Julia: You let him go?

Chase: What? He was merely a street clown.

Julia: At City Hall? Such performers are typically relegated to tourist areas like Fisherman's Wharf.

Chase: Please remain on task, Agent Argent. Once again, Carmen Sandiego has slipped away. This time with a 10 million dollar stamp in her little red hands.

We see Mime Bomb pocket the stamp, riding on a train.

On a screen at VILE, Mime Bomb pantomimes.

Maelstrom: Carmen Sandiego. I see. Stand by, Mime Bomb. We will contact you with instructions on how to proceed.

The call is ended.

Maelstrom: If our former pride and joy is on our snitch's trail, I would suggest that a more suitable operative transport the stamp out of San Francisco.

Brunt: Hm, Mime Bomb's not exactly what I would call the strong, silent type.

Shadowsan: I would recommend Tigress.

Brunt: Would this be because she failed to stop Carmen Sandiego in Indonesia?

Shadowsan: Tigress is my finest student and the most vicious. You do not wish me to send her because you continue to be soft on Black Sheep.

Brunt: Do I need to remind you that we were all soft on Black Sheep, before she betrayed us and took a new name?

Shadowsan: Do I need to remind you that I never thought she was fit to enroll in VILE's program to begin with?

Maelstrom: Faculty, please. Why squabble when we can simply vote? All in favor of sending Tigress, raise your hand.

''Cleo and Shadowsan raise their hands. Bellum continues to tap away at her screens.''

Maelstrom: Ahem. Dr. Bellum, your participation is mandatory for us to reach a decision.

Bellum: I happen to be preoccupied at the moment, Professor. You do want me to hack into this keycard and learn what I can about ACME, don't you? Fine, fine, send whomever.

Shadowsan: I shall notify Tigress.

Brunt nods to the cleaners, who nod back, and she smiles.

We see Chinatown and hear Shadowsan's voice, with some static as though coming in over a radio.

Shadowsan: The hand-off will transpire in Chinatown. Mime Bomb has been instructed to sit tight until the exchange can be facilitated. The stamp is hidden within the statue of a lucky cat.

Tigress: How fitting. I consider myself VILE's lucky cat. Meow.

Shadowsan: This tracker will triangulate his location. Do not fail, Tigress.

Carmen: Your intel is impeccable, Player. Mime Bomb's here, hiding in plain sight behind an invisible newspaper.

Player: Think he has the stamp?

Carmen: Hard to say. He could be receiving or delivering.

He looks up her, grabs the cat, and hurries away.

Carmen: It's in the cat.

Tigress: Ugh, where is that buffoon going?

''She is following as well. Mime Bomb stops in front of a store, goes inside, and comes back out without the cat.''

Carmen: Aren't you a sly one.

''She goes in and finds the shop to be full of lucky cats. She looks at one.''

Carmen: Can't feed this kitty.

''She spots another. Tigress spots her.''

Tigress: Within a statue of a lucky cat.

She enters.

Tigress: I'll take the tchotchke.

Carmen: Or what? You'll claw my coat into a bolero jacket?

Tigress: I didn't just ace that exam. I shredded it. Which is what I'm about to do to your face.

They fight, knocking over and breaking several cats.

Tigress: I'll take that kitty.

Shopkeeper: We have others, you know!

Carmen: I always pegged you as a crazy cat lady.

Tigress: Finders keepers.

''Tigress escapes with one of the cats. However, Carmen reveals that she has the right one in an inside pocket of her trench coat.''

Carmen: Should've slashed my coat.

She throws a large wad of money to the shopkeeper.

Carmen: For the kitty cats. Keep the change.

Tigress drops the lucky cat on the ground, shattering it.

Tigress: What? No stamp? Ugh! Unlucky cat!

Carmen takes the stopper off the bottom of the lucky cat and looks inside.

Carmen: Empty? Mime Bomb...

He looks around and pockets the stamp.

Julia: ACME intel indicates there will be an exchange of an unknown commodity here tonight. It could be the stolen stamp.

Chase: Then perhaps today we shall catch Carmen Sandiego red-handed.

They walk by Mime Bomb.

Julia: Do you find that suspicious?

Chase: Another street clown. So what? San Francisco is filled with them.

Julia: I think it's the same one from last night.

Mime Bomb looks cautiously over his shoulder as he walks away.

Chase: You there! Stop!

He tackles Mime Bomb and handcuffs him.

Carmen: Devineaux had better be good at charades...

Julia: Perhaps you left your keycard in another jacket.

Chase: I always wear my lucky coat when I am working. And I only have one lucky coat.

Julia: Sir, were you wearing this coat when you drove into the Swiss lake? Or when you fell onto the windshield of your ca--

Chase: Never mind that! Please just use your keycard, Ms. Argent.

''She does. A door opens where it did not look like there was one. Mime Bomb, his face covered, is steered inside.''

Inside, Chase removes the hood from Mime Bomb's face.

Chase: What is your connection to Carmen Sandiego, hmm? ...Speak up! You do not have the right to remain silent!

Mime Bomb holds up his hands, which are still cuffed.

Julia: Perhaps we need to allow him to answer in his own way.

Chase: Ugh. Go on.

''He undoes the handcuffs. Mime Bomb begins to pantomime.''

Chase: Three words, first syllable. An elephant? Getting a pedicure? Giving you a pedicure! While spreading cheese... on a baguette? On Bastille Day?!

Mime Bomb face-palms.

Chase: This is ridiculous! What is he saying?

Julia: He insists he was merely performing on the street. He has never heard of any Carmen Sandiego. He says he is innocent.

Mime Bomb nods.

Chase: Ugh, you are not innocent! Carmen Sandiego stole the stamp and you are her courier!

''He slams Mime Bomb against the wall. Mime Bomb slips the stamp into Chase's pocket.''

Chase: You are carrying the stamp, admit it! Give it to me!

Julia: Perhaps she is working for VILE.

Outside, Chase removes the hood from Mime Bomb and sets him free.

Chase: Our sincerest apologies. You are free to go. Uh, tell no one about this, please.

Mime Bomb pantomimes zipping his lips.

Julia: Sir, an innocent mime does not evade agents he encounters on the street.

Chase: Which is precisely why I let him go, Ms. Argent. I guarantee you that he will lead us straight to Carmen Sandiego.

''Tigress is tracking Mime Bomb. Finally, she finds him, performing for tips.''

Tigress: Where have you been?

He brings her attention to Chase and Julia, who are nearby but not paying much attention.

Chase: There. A street clown performing at Fisherman's Wharf. Are you happy now?

Tigress: You're being followed. [loudly] Bravo, mime! Can you do "pulling on a rope"? How about "where did you hide it"?

He motions to his tip jar.

Tigress: Are you kidding me?

''She drops some coins in. He begins to pantomime putting the stamp in Chase's pocket.''

Carmen: Somewhere in that coat lies a single 10 million dollar stamp.

Chase and Julia start to walk toward Tigress, who is waiting for him.

Carmen: No!

''Carmen takes off toward them. Tigress cuts off part of Chase's coat and runs away with it. Carmen is torn between following Chase or Tigress, and goes after Tigress. Chase starts to notice the chill.''

Chase: They were not kidding about brisk ocean air.

Julia: Sir, your coat...

Chase: What?!

He turns and sees Carmen running away.

Chase: La Femme Rouge! She is vicious and cruel!

''They chase after her as she chases after Tigress. Tigress throws a man out of his car...''

Man: Hey!

...and then gets in.

Man: You can't take my--

She shows him her claws.

Tigress: Care to tell it to the hand?

He whimpers and leaves.

Tigress: Didn't think so.

She leans out of the car to hold up the cloth from his coat to Carmen.

Tigress: Check it out! I aced the coat exam again!

She laughs, then guns it away.

Player: I got you, Red. Roadside pickup is on the way.

Zack drives up in the new car.

Zack: Thanks, Carm! I got to drive this baby right off the auction lot! I can't believe it's the actual car from the movie!

Carmen: Zack, you're my getaway driver, but Tigress is the one getting away...

Zack: Starter flag waved, and we're off to the races.

''He takes off, leaving Chase in the dust. Background music plays:''

♪ GET, GET, GET, GET

GET YOUR HANDS UP ♪

Chase presses a button and a car zooms over to him.

Julia: Sir! A word of caution before you engage in another high-speed pursuit with ACME property...

Chase: Gah! This is exactly why I'm not inviting you along. I cannot be slowed down by "caution words."

''He takes off too, leaving her behind. A chase ensues.''

♪ GET YOUR HANDS UP

GET, GET, GET, GET

GET YOUR HANDS UP

GET, GET, GET, GET

GET YOUR HANDS UP

GET, GET, GET, GET

GET YOUR HANDS UP

GET, GET, GET, GET

GET YOUR HANDS UP ♪

Zack: So you think this baby can drive straight up a wall?You know, like it did on Rogue Vendetta 7: Drive 'Em Up a Wall?

Carmen: Let's try not to find out.

Zack: Whoo!

Tigress: I have the stamp. I just need to shake a little red tail.

Brunt: Proceed to higher ground where the Cleaners can provide pickup.

Shadowsan: Pah! The Cleaners? They will never arrive in time.

Brunt: Well, they already happen to be on site. I suspected there might be a mess to clean up. Was I right?

♪ GET, GET, GET, GET

GET YOUR HANDS UP

GET, GET, GET, GET

GET YOUR HANDS UP

GET, GET, GET, GET

GET YOUR HANDS UP ♪

Chase: Carmen Sandiego is headed toward the Golden Gate Bridge. Notify the Chief, have her shut it down.

Julia: The entire bridge?

Chase: The woman beams herself from a fountain pen! She can do anything!

He starts prodding the screen, tying to end the call.

Julia: You must swipe down, and then up.

''With no shortage of swerving the car as he does so, Chase tries to end the call. The radio can be heard tuning.''

Julia: That is the radio, Sir. Perhaps you should remain focused on the--

He's driven down a mountain.

Chase: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, noooooooo!

He plummets into the water.

Julia: Scroll until you see the letter E, then swipe up to eject.

♪ GET, GET, GET, GET

GET TILL IT'S LOW

GET, GET, GET, GET

GET WHAT'S UP

GET, GET, GET, GET

GET TILL IT'S LOW ♪

''Tigress slides to a stop, seeing a helicopter overhead. She calls them.''

Tigress: Hello, gentlemen. I've got an airmail delivery.

''They start to fly lower while she starts to climb. Zack slides to a stop.''

Zack: Keep the motor running, Carm?

Carmen: I'll catch a flight.

She uses her grappling hook to reach the top of the bridge's pillar.

Carmen: The stamp, Tigress.

Tigress: You want it so badly? Here. For your little "save the kids," or whales, or whatever charity.

''She throws a small, light, thin object into the wind. Carmen tries to catch it but misses. However, she realizes that it was not the stamp.''

Tigress: Ha! Made you look! An itty bitty stamp is probably even harder to snatch than... oh, I don't know, a dollar bill.

She tucks it into her boot.

Carmen: Why don't we find out?

Tigress: We don't we?

''The two start to fight. Carmen gets the stamp right away.''

Tigress: Hey!

''Carmen runs off. Using her glider, she flies away. Tigress realizes that her phone is gone too.''

Tigress: Huh? Ugh!

Shadowsan: Tigress, confirm that you have secured the stamp.

Carmen: Oh, it's been secured. Now will you admit the coat was empty? ...Like I need your stamp of approval anyway.

''She drops the phone into the water. The helicopter pulls up to Tigress. Julia helps Chase up.''

Julia: A shame about the car, Sir. And your coat.

Chase: I may have lost my lucky coat, but it is the luck of Carmen Sandiego which will soon run out.

Brunt: Good call, Shadowsan. Tigress and Mime Bomb, VILE's new dream team!

''She laughs. Then the door slams open.''

Bellum: Eureka!

Maelstrom: Please tell us you uncovered the meaning of ACME, Dr. Bellum.

Bellum: Not quite, but by hacking the data files embedded in this keycard, I learned that it is registered to this man: Chase Devineaux.

Ending credit music plays.