Stage Plight

[At Royal Woods High School, Luan goes to her locker, opens it, looks in the mirror inside and sees Benny getting stuff from his locker, she stares at him with a passionate look.] Mr. Coconuts: "Hey, who's the dream boat, toots? You're looking at him the way I look at a fresh coat of varnish." Luan: [Covering his mouth] "Shh. That's Benny, the boy I've been telling you about. But it's hopeless. How can I get to know him better if we never spend any time together?" Mr. Coconuts: "I may be a dummy, but it seems to me if you want to spend some time with him, try talking, not gawking." Luan: "I know, but the only class we have together is Advanced Mime. I can't exactly talk to him then." [Sees something] "Hold on. What's Benny doing?" [Benny signs a poster on the bulletin board and walks away, Luan and Mr. Coconuts are watching from behind the lockers, Mr. Coconuts takes a looks and gives a 'move out' signal, they go up to the board to see what Benny did.] Luan: [Intrigued] "Ooh, auditions for the drama club production of Romeo & Juliet." [Signs up] "This is perfect, if Benny and I both get cast, I'll finally be able to spend time with him." ''[Mr. Coconuts chatters his teeth, and winks at Luan.]''

[At the auditions, Ruby is first.] Ruby: "Like, to be, or like, not to be, that is like, the question." [Spencer's turn] Spencer: "To thine own self be-" [checks his arm] "blue! No, wait. True!" [Benny's turn] Benny: "A rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet." [Offstage, Luan is blissfully staring at her crush, and sighing dreamily.] Mr. Coconuts: [Bringing Luan back to Earth.] "Toots! Put your peepers back in your head. You're on." Luan: [Realizes] "Whoops." [She goes for her turn, and tosses Mr. Coconuts onto the director's chair, where he lands on a rather observant position.]

''[The next day at school, the results for the play are posted onto the bulletin board, and everyone is trying to see if they made the cut or not. Luan and Mr. Coconuts are seen hiding behind a wall.]'' Luan: "Ooh, there's the cast list." [Moans in stress] "What if I didn't make the cut?" [They all leave and half a second later, Luan and Mr. Coconuts sneak up to the list.] Luan: [Looks away] "I'm too nervous to look." Mr. Coconuts: [Looks at the list] "Relax, doll, you're in the play, and so is your fella." [Luan hugs Mr. Coconuts, squealing in excitement.] "Hey, save that drama for the stage."

[At the rehearsal, everyone is chatting, and Luan walks up to Benny.] Luan: "Oh, hey Benny, I didn't know you were in the play." Benny: "Hey Luan, yeah," [looking at his scarf] "I'm a Montague." Luan: "Oh," [points to her hat] "and I'm a Capulet. Guess we're sworn enemies." Benny and Luan: [Pointing at each other with dirty looks.] "Ooooooh!" [They laugh, and smile at each other, when suddenly the lights in the auditorium go down.] Mrs. Bernardo: [Offscreen] "And now thespians," [nobody knows what is happening.] "here's your drama teacher," [Rex hiccups] "the two time nominee for 'Royal Woods Dinner Theatre's Best Director'," [everyone is looking for where this is coming from, and Parvana points up.] "Mrs. Bernardo!" [Small applause] Benny: "Did she just announce herself?" Luan: "It sure looks that way." Mrs. Bernardo: "Stop it, you're too kind." [chuckles and claps] "Gather round, children, gather. I am so thrilled to be helming this production of Romeo & Juliet! Now, Capulets, I want you stage left, Montagues, stage right. You'll be rehearsing separately." Luan: "What? Why? [Looks at Benny] I mean, uh, is that really necessary?" Mrs. Bernardo: "Yes! It'll enhance the dramatic tension. Remember, these families hate each other!" [chuckles again] ''[Everyone heads over to the assigned group. Benny shrugs and waves to Luan as he walks to his group, Luan waves back, and is now bummed.]'' Luan: [Groans] "This is not gonna work for me." [Later, everyone is doing vocal warm ups and Luan seems bored.] Mrs. Bernardo: [Clapping] "Okay everyone, good vocal warm up. Let's take five, and then we'll dive into the text." Luan: [Comes up to Shannon] "Hey, Shannon, would you mind switching with me? I can't be a Capulet, I'm, uh, allergic to hats, they make my head swell up, and then I, can't get the hat off, it's a vicious cycle." Shannon: [Gasps] "That sounds awful, of course I'll switch. [But then realizes] "Ooh, wait, I can't be a Capulet if my arch nemesis Amy is." [Points to Amy] Luan: "Oh, okay, hang on." [Goes to Amy] "Hey, Amy, how'd you like to be a Montague?" Amy: "A what? Sure, whatev, but only if my boyfriend Rex can be one too. He kind of like, can't be without me." [Meanwhile, Rex is standing right next to her, looking at Jackie, who winks at him. Amy grabs his arm and pulls him in.] Luan: "Ooh, okay, one sec." [Leaves while Amy gives Rex a dirty look, and he awkwardly smiles at her. Luan approaches Lyberti.] "Hey Lyberti, you know, you strike me as more of a Capulet, they're so much cooler. How'd you like to switch with Rex?" Lyberti: "Sure, but only if my BFF Leo can be a Capulet." Luan: [Not surprised, sighs] "Yup, I'm on it." [Luan goes back to the Capulet side of the stage, and without saying anything, pushes one of the Capulets to the Montague side, and pushes Shannon to the Capulet side. Everyone switches sides of the stage, and trade hats and scarves.] Mrs. Bernardo: "Thespians, assemble." [Luan sighs with relief, and Benny approaches her.] Benny: "Hey Luan," [sees her scarf] "so, you're a Montague now?" Luan: "Yeah, Leo really really wanted to be a Capulet. So what are you gonna do? Break the kid's heart?"

[The next day] Mrs. Bernardo: "Welcome to day two of rehearsal, now, we'll start with act one, scene five, better known as, the kiss; Romeo, Juliet, center stage, the rest of you, take five." [Claps] [Everyone goes to take a seat, Luan goes to get her bag.] Luan: Come on, Mr. Coconuts, let's grab a seat next to-" [sees something] "Huh?" [Shannon has one of the seats next to Benny, and Leo and Lyberti are about to take the other one.] "Go, Mr. Coconuts!" [Throws him into the seat. Leo, who just sat down, jumps into Lyberti's arms, and they fall over offscreen. Luan nonchalantly sits next to Benny.] "Oh, hey Benny, did you see last night's episode of The Real Mimes of Miami?" Benny: "Yeah. I really felt for Magda when she was trying to order a pizza over the phone." Luan: "Mime life. Am I right?" [Just then, Benny's stomach grumbles, making him blush, and the two of them laugh. Luan pulls a banana out of her bag.] "Here, your stomach might find this apeeling." Benny: [laughs] "Thanks, a bunch!" Luan: [laughs] "Good one." [Back at the stage, Spencer and Ruby are about to do the scene.] Mrs. Bernardo: "And...action!" [Goes offstage, moving her arms in a waving motion.] Ruby: "Like, the saints do not, like, move, though grant for, like, prayer's sake." Spencer: "Then move not-" [Stops and looks at his arm.] "Hang on." [Mrs. Bernardo can't believe this.] "While my prayer's effect I fake. No, wait, that's a 'T', take, not fake." Mrs. Bernardo: "No, no, no no no no, this is all wrong; I'm just not feeling it." [She then notices how good Benny and Luan are at making themselves, and each other laugh. Benny has the banana peel on his head and is doing a monkey face for Luan, who is blushing, and laughs so much she snorts, and covers her mouth in embarrassment, the two continue to laugh, and Mrs. Bernardo gets an idea.] "Ruby, Spencer, this is the hardest part of any director's job, but, I've decided to go another way with my Romeo & Juliet, don't be discouraged, if you keep working your craft-" Ruby: [Not discouraged at all] "So, like," [holds up the script] I don't have to memorize, like, anymore of this." ''[Mrs. Bernardo nods]'' Spencer: [Sighs with relief, and pulls up his shirt, revealing smeared ink.] "I sweated off the rest of my lines in gym class." [He and Ruby leave] Mrs. Bernardo: "Fear not, thespians, the show will go on. The perfect Romeo & Juliet, have been with us all along," [Jumps off the stage to the pair she has in mind.] "Benny and Luan!" [They gasp at this] "I've been watching you two, and I know you are going to be wonderful." ''[Brings them close, almost choking them, and they look at each other, blushing. Mrs. Bernardo pushes them towards centre stage.]'' "Now, Romeo and Juliet, let's pick up where we left off, the kiss." [Goes offstage, moving her arms in a waving motion.] Luan: [Realizes something, and gets nervous] "The kiss? Uh, oh, I just remembered, I have a... an orthodontist appointment today, gotta get the old braces tightened, otherwise this'll be Romeo and Drooliet. [Awkwardly laughs as she makes a run for it.]

[At home, Luan is laying in her bed.] Mr. Coconuts: "Hey, what happened back there, doll? You and the hunk make a great Romeo and Juliet. Isn't that everything you wanted?" Luan: "Yeah, but, we have to...kiss." Mr. Coconuts: "So?" Luan: [Sits up on her bed] "I've never kissed anyone before. I bet everyone else in my class has, including Benny. What if I'm bad at it, and he thinks I'm lame?" Mr. Coconuts: "You're overthinking it, doll. You'll be fine. It's just a smooch. There's nothing to it." Luan: "Maybe you're right, Mr. Coconuts." Mr. Coconuts: "I know I'm right. You can do this." [Luan smiles at Mr. Coconuts.]

[At the next rehearsal, they are trying to practice the kiss again.] Benny: "Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take." [Leans in to kiss Luan.] Luan's Thoughts: "I can't do this." Luan: "Time out! I need a pee break, I really hit the old OJ hard this morning." [Leaves, and returns later] "Sorry, sorry, I'm ready to go." ''[Suddenly, one of the sandbags falls from the rafters, right in front of Shannon, who yelps. Leo looks up and jumps into Lyberti's arms again just before one hits him, and Parvana immediately dodges another one.]'' Mrs. Bernardo: "Gadzooks! Which is also the name of my one woman show. Rehearsal's cancelled until I can get the janitor to fix this safety hazard." [Leaves to get the janitor] Luan: "Aw, shucks. No rehearsal? So, uh," [Awkwardly walks away, while holding a pair of scissors behind her back.] "parting is such sweet sorrow." [Runs off, almost dropping her scissors, which she places in her bag, much to Mr. Coconuts discomfort.] Mr. Coconuts: "Ouch! Watch it, toots."

[The next rehearsal...] Mrs. Bernardo: [Rides in on a rolling trellis] "Once more onto the breach dear thespians, which is theatre talk for, let's try that kissing scene again." Luan: [Offstage] "Come on Luan, it's just a kiss, you got this." [Walks onto the stage with confidence, but as soon as she sees Benny, and he smiles at her, it all goes away.] Luan's Thoughts: "Ooh, oh no you don't." Luan: [Pulls out a banana peel, and casually throws it onto her path.] "Hey everybody, can't wait to rehearse." [Steps and slips on the peel.] "Woah!" [Falls onto the stage, Mrs. Bernardo and Benny check on her.] Mrs. Bernardo: "Heavens, my dear girl! Are you okay?!" Luan: "Oh, it's nothing. Probably just a slipped disk. No pun intended. [Laughs] Ow--I mean, ow, ow, ow!" Mrs. Bernardo: "Rehearsal's cancelled for today!" Luan: "Whew."

THE NEXT DAY... Luan: [Offstage again] "Okay, come on Luan, no more stall tactics. You have to do this." Mrs. Bernardo: [Gets the thespians' attention] "Comrades, look to the skies. It's Mrs. Bernardo!" [Flies toward the stage with wires attached to her.] "Where's my Romeo? Where's my Juliet? Chop chop, it's kissing time." Luan: "Ohhh... [Walks onto the stage and in front of Benny.] Mrs. Bernardo: "And...action!" Benny: "Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take." [Puckers his lips to kiss Luan.] [Luan gets a surge of anxiety as Benny moves closer, until...] Luan: "Wait! Uh, I have an idea. Um, um, instead of a kiss, why doesn't Juliet, uh, [Pulls out her phone] send Romeo a text." Mrs. Bernardo: "A text?" Luan: "Yeah. I think a kissy emoji and a heart would really get the message across." Mrs. Bernardo: [irate] "Luan, what are you suggesting is..." [Luan gets nervous and Mrs. Bernardo is now ecstatic.] "...pure genius~! A modern take on a classic, bravo! Prop department," [Flies away on the wires] "I need cell phones for Romeo and Juliet, pronto!" [Luan looks at her phone, and then looks over to Benny, giving him flirty eyes, and walks off. Benny on the other hand, looks at the ground with a node of disappointment.]

[At what is supposed to be the next rehearsal.] Luan: "Hey, Mrs. B. Ready for rehearsal, been doing some thumb strengthening exercises for my big texting scene." Mrs. Bernardo: [In despair] "You've done them in vein! Rehearsal's cancelled until I can find a new Romeo." Luan: [Aghast] "What?! What happened to Benny?" Mrs. Bernardo: "He up and quit, he suddenly remembered he has a conflict with chess club. Chess club!" [Pretends to faint] "Check and mate." [Wheels herself away on the trellis] "Uh, I was a fool to leave the dinner theatre circuit." Luan: [Walks up to Mr. Coconuts, confused.] "This doesn't make any sense, Benny isn't even in chess club."

[Later, she finds Benny sitting on a bench.] Luan: "Hi, Benny." [Joins him] Benny: "Hey." Luan: "I heard you quit the play." Benny: "Yeah." Luan: "How come?" Benny: "Honestly Luan, because of you, it's clear you aren't comfortable with me playing Romeo." Luan: "No! Just the opposite." [Sighs, and looks away] "The only reason I wanted to be in the play is so I could spend some time with you." Benny: "Really? Then, why did you keep finding ways to avoid kissing me?" Luan: "Oh, it's not you, uh, it's... Never mind." Mr. Coconuts: "She was nervous because she's never kissed anyone before." Luan: [Shocked] "Mr. Coconuts!" Mr. Coconuts: "What? Someone's gotta say it." [Luan nervously looks at Benny, as he pulls out his own marionette.] Mrs. Appleblossom: "Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of. Benjamin's never kissed anyone either." Benny: [Gasps] "Mrs. Appleblossom, ah, you weren't supposed to tell." ''[Mrs. Appleblossom shrugs]'' Mr. Coconuts: "Well, I gotta say that's a load off. Luan didn't want to embarrass herself in front of old Benny boy. Just between you and me, she's sweet on the guy." Mrs. Appleblossom: [Laughs] "Really? Benjamin rather fancies her as well." Mr. Coconuts: [With Luan's voice] He does?" Luan: I mean," [starts blushing] "you do?" ''[Benny nods, and starts blushing himself. The two gaze at each other sheepishly, they laugh, and then kiss. Mr. Coconuts and Mrs. Appleblossom wink at each other. The next scene is in the theatre where the play has ended. Everyone applauds and Luan and Benny thank the audience.]'' Mr. Coconuts "Well, Mrs. Appleblossom, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." Lola: [Hears that, and gasps with fear.] "Who said that?"