Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen

[In the teaser, as the girls wrap their Christmas gifts, Michelle gets hers out of the closet.]

Michelle: I bought Dad the greatest gift for Christmas.

D.J.: Wow Michelle, a store-bought gift? No more handmade presents, huh?

Stephanie: Not that they didn't like my Tony the Tiger earrings.

Michelle: Yeah, Frosted Flakes make grrrrrreat jewelry!

D.J.: Well, I still use my Rice Krispies retainer container.

Kimmy: So Squirt, where's the great gift?

Michelle: [takes it out of her bag] Ta-da!

[The other girls look at each other with confusion in their eyes.]

Kimmy: So Squirt, where's the great gift?

Michelle: Right here. See? It's a party tie. Isn't it cool? [gestures to cup holder] Here's a cup holder, so your hands are free to eat Christmas cookies. Whaddya think?

Stephanie: I've never seen a tie...[D.J. taps Stephanie with her arm to get the word out.]...so.....stiff.

D.J.: I'm sure Dad will love it.

Michelle: Yeah, I gotta wrap it real good, so Dad won't know what it is.

Kimmy: Give it to him right now and he won't know what it is.

D.J.: [albeit rather quietly] Kimmy!

[Michelle wraps it up before the cut to the opening credits.]

Michelle: Will you take me back to the store? I gotta exchange it.

Jesse: Out there? On Christmas Eve? Again? [shudders] No, no, no, no, Michelle. Listen, ca-can’t you just make your dad something? I-I-I mean, th-th-there’s plenty of cereal in the kitchen. And I know he’s been hinting for a Froot Loop sombrero.

Michelle: I made him that two years ago.

Michelle: Hi, Mr. Dreghorn. Remember me?

Mr. Dreghorn: Yeah, I remember you. You're the little girl with the big bag of nickels!

Michelle: Mr. Dreghorn, what are you doing tonight?

Mr. Dreghorn: Forget about it, little girl. I've got big plans tonight.

Jesse: Good. Then have your big plans. Be with your family, and go drive them crazy.

Mr. Dreghorn: My family, huh? Which family would you be talking about? The one that never writes me, or the one that never phones me?