Amuse-Otel

Coconut Fred: (Humming) HEY! EVERYBODY WAKE UP! THE EXCITEMENT IS ABOUT TO AGAIN! (The Last Word Echoes)

Mr. Greenrind: Bingo, Put A New Rule On The Squeaky Board. Fred Is No Longer To Be Excited Before The Sun Comes Up.

Bingo: Yes Mr. G.

Coconut Fred: Oh, I Hope The Sun Comes Up Soon

(The Sun Imminently Comes Out)

Coconut Fred: Yay!

(Crowd Groaning)

Mr Greenrind: FRED! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?!

Coconut Fred: I Had An Idea Mr. Greenrind, An Idea So Great That I Worked On It All Night, Without Sleeping! Actually It Was To Ideuhh… (Snoring)

Mr. Greenrind: Ok, Everyone Just Walk Away Slowly.

Coconut Fred: Anyway!

Mr. Greenrind: (Screams Like A Girl)

Coconut Fred: My Ideas Were To Build My Own Luxury Resort, And My Own Amusement Park But I Couldn't Decide. HOTEL OR AMUSEMENT PARK, AMUSEMENT PARK OR HOTEL, HOTEL OR PARK, PARK OR HOTEL!

(Mr Greenrind Spins Fred's Arm)

Coconut Fred: But Then I Decided (Not To Decide). I MADE BOTH IN ONE! (Claps)

(Fanfare)

Coconut Fred: It's Coconut Fred's Luxury Amuse-Otel! It Has All The Conveniences Of A Luxury Resort With All The Gut-Raging Thrills Of An Amusement Park! It's My Nutmare.

Mr. Greenrind: Your Darn Right It's A Nightmare!

Coconut Fred: "Nutmare", That's My Name Of My Roller Coaster. It Got 5 Loopty Loops, A Water Tube, A 3 Mile Tall Verticle Freeway, And Snack Trays In Every Card! I'M SO EXCITED I FORGOT TO RAISE THE FLAG!

Mr. Greenrind: Oh No! Shade! A Watermelon's Worst Fear!

(Flag Shadow Follows Mr. Greenrind Everywhere He Goes)

Coconut Fred: Aw, That's Ok Mr. Greenrind, You Can Sunbathe At My Amuse-Otel, CAUSE EVERYBODY'S INVITED!

(Crowd Cheering And Running Over Mr. Greenrind)

Coconut Fred (With A Megaphone) : (Coughs) I Have An Special Announcement! One Lucky Vistor Chosen At Random Will Receive All Day 1 On 1 V.I.P. SERVICE FROM ME!

Megaphone: Coconut Fred!

Mr. Greenrind: Please Don't Let It Be Me, Please Don't Let It Be Me

Coconut Fred: Let It Be Mr. Greenrind, Let It Be Mr. Greenrind

Mr. Greenrind: You're Killing Me Prune Lady!

Mrs. Plumcott: Ugh! I'LL GET EVEN WITH YOU!

(Mr. G. Runs Inside And Gets Siren Goes On Where Everyone Cheers And A Giant Pile Of Confetti Falls On Him)

Coconut Fred: Mr. G., You're My Special V.I.P. Guest! To Tell You The Truth, I Couldn't Imagine It Any Other Way. (Grabs A Megaphone) FROM THIS FORWARD ON, I COCONUT FRED PROMICE TO NEVER EVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE UNTIL YOU'RE THE HAPPIEST WATERMELON IN THE WORLD!

Mr. Greenrind: It's A Nightmare!

Coconut Fred: I Think You Mean My Nutmare. Now, Allow Me To Introduce My Crack Staff! First There's Bingo My Manager, He's An Expert As A Layout For The Hotel

Bingo: THIS PLACE IS A MAZE! WE'LL NEVER FIND OUR WAY OUT

Coconut Fred: Next, Give It Up For Slip And Slide, My Bell Hops!

Slide: I Got A Bell, It Goes Ding Dang!

Coconut Fred: And Rusty Cando!, He's In Charge Of Freebies!

Rusty Cando: All Amuse-Otel Guests Receive Free Coconut Fred Bath Tub Toys, Nail Clippers, And A Complementary Drink!

Coconut Fred: And Throughout Your Stay, You'll Be Entertained By The Musical Stylings Of Tiffany Pears, Now Appearing At Our Lounge!

Tiffany Pears: Ya'll Ready For This, Hmmm, (Sings A Long Bad Note)

Coconut Fred: It's Your Special Day Mr. Greenrind. What Do You Want To Do First? Ride The Nutmare Or Ride The Nutmare?

Mr. Greenrind: No And No! I Just Want To Be Warm! Bingo, Where's The Tanning Salon?!

Bingo: For All I Know, It Could Be In The Middle Of The Ocean?

Mr. Greenrind: Let's Try Upstairs!

Coconut Fred: Good Choice Mr. Greenrind, The Nutmare's Upstairs!

Rusty Cando: Welcome Aboard The Nutmare! For Your Safety, Please Keep Your Leafs And Stems Inside The Car At All Times, And Enjoy The Free Pudding In Front Of You!

Slip And Slide: Yay! Pudding!

(Screaming)

Slip: I Think I'm Gonna Pop My Pudding!

Wedgie: Betty?! Who Put These Roller Coaster Tracks Through My Boat?!

(Coconut Fred Screams In Excitement While Mr. Greenring Screams In Fear)

Mr. Greenrind: What's The Squishing In My Shoe?

Slip: My Pudding.

Slide: Well That's My Pudding, Your Pudding's In His Shorts!

Mr. Greenrind: Well, At Least It's Warm.

Coconut Fred: Speaking Of Warm, Let's Get You To The Tanning Salon! Hey Bingo, Did You Find It Yet?

Bingo: I Can't Even Find The Bathroom.

Mrs. Plumcott: Hiyah! Take That Mr. V.I.P.!

(Mr. Greenrind Bounces And Grunts As He Goes Into The Tanning Salon)

Coconut Fred: Yay Mr. Greenrind! You Found The Tanning Salon! Ok Just Knock On The Door When You Had Enough Ehhh... (Snoring)

(Mr. Greenrind Screaming And He Finishes Tanning)

Coconut Fred: Are You Still Cold?

Mr. Greenrind: Pool!

Coconut Fred: Right This Way Mr. V.I.P.!

Mr. Greenrind: (Sighs)

Coconut Fred (On Megaphone) : It's Good To See You Happy Mr. Greenrind!

Mr. Greenrind: Well It's Good To Be Happy Fred! Why Does It Feel Like It Just Can't Last?

Coconut Fred (On Megaphone): And I'm Glad You Chose Coconut Falls Instead Of The Pool!

Mr. Greenrind: I DID! Uh, I Mean, What's Coconut Falls?

Slip: It's Like Being Flushed Down A Toilet!

Slip And Slide: Yeahuh!

Slide: But Only Twice The Fun!

(Fred, Mr. G, Slip, And Slide, Splashes Into The Water)

Mr. Greenrind: Why Me?

Coconut Fred: Hey, Where Did Mr. Greenrind Go?

(Mr. Greenrind Flies Out Of The Water Screaming)

Coconut Fred: Wait For Me!

(Mr. Greenrind Falls Into A Diner)

Coconut Fred (In French Accent): Mr. Greenrind-eh You're Just In Time For Your V.I.P. Brochure! Before I Tell You Today's Specials-eh Why Don't We Let Your Gas Out Hmm?

Mrs. Plumcott: You Filthy Man!

Coconut Fred (In French Accent): Ok, All Your Specials Are On The Menu, There's Water, Water Ihsan, And Sideways Of Dash Of Water, And And Just A Hint Of Out (Yawns) Side!

Mr. Greenrind: You Look Tired Fred, Maybe You Should Take A Nap?

Coconut Fred: No Gotta Stay Up, Gotta Pamper My V.I.P. (Snoring)

Mr. Greenrind: Go To Sleep, Go To Sleep So I Can Run Away

(Mr. G Runs Into the Bungie-vator)

Mr. Greenrind: (Sighs)

Coconut Fred: Hey Mr. Greenrind, Taking A Ride On The Bungie-Vator?

Mr. Greenrind: Ah! HOW DID YOU GET IN THE! What's A Bungie-Vator?

Coconut Fred: Well It's An Elevator That Doubles AS AN EXTREME BUNGIE RIDE! Going Up!

(The Two Rides The Bungie-Vator While Mr. G. Screams Like A Girl)

Mr. Greenrind: (Grunting)

Coconut Fred: Why Are You Shaking Mr. Greenrind? Are You Could Again? Do You Wanna Go Back To The Tanning Salon?

Mr. Greenrind: NO! I'm Shaking Because I Got Shot 500 Feet Into The Air Inside An Elevator!

Coconut Fred: You're Shaking From Excitement! Wanna Go On Another Ride? Wanna Snowcone, Ice Cream, Or Pony Ride?

Mr. Greenrind: No! I Can't Take This Anymore Fred, I've Gotta Go!

Coconut Fred: WELL MAYBE BINGO CAN SHOW YOU WHERE THE BATHROOM IS!

Bingo: I Still Haven't Found it!!

Coconut Fred: Oh, Well You Think You Can Hold It Mr. Greenrind, Or Should I Get You A Can?

Rusty Cando: A Can? (Inaudible)

Mrs. Plumcott: Barbarian!

Mr. Greenrind: Ugh!, This Really Is A Nightmare!

Coconut Fred: No, It's Just A Can

Bingo: Thank You

(Mr. Greenrind Runs From Fred)

Coconut Fred: Come Back Mr. G.!

(Mr. G Runs And Opens A Door)

Coconut Fred: MR. GREENRIND!

Mr. Greenrind: (Screams Like A Girl) Oh Yes, I'm Near The Exit!

Coconut Fred: Who's My Favorite V.I.P.? Yes, You're Just In Time For The Electric Fred Parade! Yay!

Robot Freds: Welcome To The Electric River Mr. Greenrind!

Coconut Fred: The Robot Freds Aren't Smart Like Me. You Better Move Mr. Greenrind! Well, You Didn't Get A Good View Of The Parade. But Don't Worry THERE'S ANOTHER ONE EVERY HALF HOUR UNTIL MIDNIGHT!

Mr. Greenrind: I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANOTHER PARADE!, I Don't Wanna Go On Any Rides, I Don't Want Any More Ice Cream, Or A Pony Ride! I Just Wanna Spend THE LAST FEW HOURS Of The Day, SUNBATHING, In My Hammock!

Coconut Fred: Sure, Come On.