Like Gene For Chocolate

1 And now I present my history project about ancient Greece. I, uh, had some big plans. There was gonna be a musical component, there was a graphic novel in the works, and, well, what can I say? Some projects just, uh, don't get off the ground. So, without further ado, I present the Acropolis, made out of Popsicle sticks. The A-popsicol-is! Oh wow! Who's Miss Twitchell to accuse me of giving up when things get hard? She's the divorcÃ©e, not me not yet. Well, you do give up, like, all the time. I mean, you're a starter, not a finisher. Which the world needs. Without starters, how would we, um - Finish anything? - Exactly. You know what I need? A little chocolate pick-me-up. Fortunately, I think I might have some candy in my backpack. What? That's impossible. No, he probably does. Uh-oh, last one. All right, little Chunky Blast Off, a lot of pressure on you. Come on, now, do what you do to me. Don't be nervous. You're gonna be great. Ready to blast off? Uh, yeah. PILOT: Ooh Aah Sisters, won't you join me as I stop at the store to purchase another box of this timeless classic? LOUISE: You get so charming when you eat chocolate. What the ? New look, "new great taste"? They put sunglasses on the astronaut guy! And gave him frosted tips! - What about the "new great taste" part? - I'm so scared. Here goes. No, no, no, eh, eh, bleh Why?! Why, why, why, why, why?! - So not great? - Bleh! Bleh! Bleh! Bleh! Or what's the verdict? Hey, hey, hey, hey, kid, you got to pay for that. Why would they do this to me? Why would they change Chunky Blast Offs? And where's Ronnie? I want my usual convenience store checkout guy! Ronnie joined the Peace Corps. No! - (door bells jingle) - TEDDY: Hey, guys. How you doing? You mind if I use your dishwasher? Mine's busted. Uh, yes. 'Cause we're a restaurant. Great. Teddy, those are golf balls. Good eye, Bob. Good eye. Why are you washing golf balls? 'Cause they're dirty. I got 'em at the bottom of the lake at the municipal golf course. I clean 'em and then I sell 'em back to the golfers. I make a quarter each. That's about, uh, 75 bucks in there. Wow, that's sort of impressive. But keep that to yourself. I'm not exactly on good terms with management at the course right now. Okay. Wait, why? Guys at the pro shop wanted a cut. But I'm the one risking my life, right? Diving into a murky lake at night with nothing but a garden hose for air. I've said too much. I can trust you, right, Bob? Right? I don't got to worry about you, right? - Just, take it - You're not gonna tell anyone, right? - Take it easy. - Just keep it to yourself, okay? - I-I won't tell anybody. - Just I know how you get. - I Run out of things to talk about, - They're just golf balls. and then next thing you're telling everybody that comes in here about Teddy, there's no reason to insult me when you're using my dishwasher. Here, you know what? Just keep your mouth shut, okay? Uh, here's a little taste. Buy something nice for yourself. They changed Chunky Blast Offs! They changed Chunky Blast Offs! What?! What happened? What happened? They changed Chunky Blast Offs. What are Chunky Blast Offs? The best thing this country's produced since ankle socks. They messed with Gene's candy, and now he's a big old mess. Aw, I hate it when they change candies. I hate it! So now I'm gonna get the geniuses at Spratt's Sweets to change it back. Spratt's Sweets dot com, and click. Live chat? Sure. "What can we help you with today?" Hmm. Change Chunky Blast Offs back, you idiots. Sorry for the "you idiots" part. Margaret is typing. "Currently there are no plans to change the formula "of Chunky Blast Offs, "but your comments have been noted. Have a delicious day"?! Well, I'm shocked that didn't work. Aw, I gave it a shot. Time to give up. That's the spirit. (gasps) No. Time to Un-give up. The factory tour! Factory tour? They have free factory tours every day except Christmas, which is fine, because I'm busy on Christmas. We'll go to the Spratt's factory tour, and I'll get my day in candy court! You're talking crazy, Gene. No, I'm not! I'll take you on the tour. - Wait, what? - Yeah. I'm proud of Gene for taking a stand. You little Erin Choco-vich, you. But they're probably not gonna listen to a kid, Lin. Of course, I know. But we should support Gene's cause. - Oh, it's a cause now? - It's a cause. Support it. I think you just want to go on the tour. (chuckles): What? I don't even like candy. Ach! Ptuh! Cavities. Cavity creeps. Ech. As you can see, we still make our candy the same way that our founder, Ferdinand Spratt, did over 80 years ago, but with robots. Excuse me, Michelle. Is there gonna be, like, a Q & A with the boss man or boss woman of this place at the end of the tour? Yeah, my brother's got some Qs that need As. Spratt's Sweets is governed by its board of directors. And unless you're a stockholder, little fella, they're just a bit too busy to answer questions. But we came all this way so my brother could talk to someone in charge. Hey, anyone ever wonder how we keep all the wrappers organized? - Kinda. - Sorry, Gene. We'll get you something nice at the gift shop. Unless you're too sad to enjoy it, and then we'll just get me something. (grumbling) At the end of this hall, we'll all take turns looking through a window into the accounting office. The Ferdinand Spratt? (door creaks) Are you Ferdinand Spratt, as in Spratt's Sweets? Yeah, you're talking to the last living Spratt. - Who are you? - My name's Gene, and I'm a huge fan of Spratt's Sweets. Did you peel off from the factory tour? - How'd you know? Hair net? - Yep. It's an awful tour. - So awful! - Who's your tour guide? - Michelle? - Yup. Figures. She's the only one. Look, I came all this way to talk to someone in charge. But now I've met you, the most in-charge person in the whole place. Technically speaking, yeah. So what can I do for you? (sighs) Your company changed Chunky Blast Offs, and I really, really, really want you to change them back. Let's say by Monday at the latest. - That's it? - That's it. - Done. - Wait, really? - Yeah. - Oh, wow, great. So it's done? Well, not done. It's gonna be, like, a whole thing with the suits, but from one mega Spratt's fan to another, I promise to help. Yes! Thank you, Ferdie! But first, I need your help. I want to tie licorice whips to the ceiling fan to make a licorice tornado, but I'm scared to go to the top of the ladder without someone holding it. Uh, licorice tornado? Yeah. (both gulping) So while we're stuck on the tour learning about how humidity affects nougat, Gene sneaks off and becomes BFFs with the founder's grandson. And if you thought nougat likes lots of humidity, you'd be wrong dead wrong. And we're all sure this guy's actually who he says he is? I'm just saying, he is a stranger giving Gene candy. The best kind of stranger. And he's gonna put the old Chunky Blast Offs back in orbit. - Because it's space? - I get it. Well, Ferdie said it's not entirely up to him. He has to convince someone called the "board of directors. " So how is he going to do that? That's what Ferdie and I are gonna figure out tomorrow. - Tomorrow? - Yeah, I'm going back there after school to work on our plan. Really? Lin, you're gonna take him there again? Yeah. He's fighting for something he believes in. And he could put it down on his rÃ©sumÃ© someday. "Fought the Man, saved candy, cute as a button. " Th-That's not a great rÃ©sumÃ©. Is there any other reason you want to take him? - (mutters) - You didn't want to maybe buy more candy in the gift shop, Lin? What? There's a gift shop? GENE: Okay, let's see, how are we gonna get those suits upstairs to listen to us? Good question. Oh, hey, I haven't given you the cool tour. Want to do that before we get crackin'? Uh So I get to drive these whenever I want. They go up and down, back and forth. - Whatever you're into. - Yeah, cool. So should we start coming up with ideas? I feel like our meeting got a little sidetracked. Okay, yeah, let's brainstorm real quick. Uh, hmm. Oh, hey! So they just let me come in here and throw these up against the glass. They love it. Wanted to make sure I showed you this. What a tour. Thank you. But now let's figure out how you're gonna talk to your office business people. Well, nowadays, business isn't done in offices. Business is done walking really fast down long hallways and at urinals. Haven't you seen Entourage? Is it a show about people peeing and getting stuff done? - Yeah, more or less. - Then do that. Do the urinal plan. Uh, but what about the lady board members? We'll have to convince them to use the urinals. (chuckles) Leave that to me. All right, how's this for a urinal opener? "Look what's coming out of the business end of that thing! Speaking of business " And then you speak of business. I like it. It's good. Hey, call it a day? Okay, but we haven't really figured out much besides my great opening line. Yeah, I know, but I usually try to knock out a nap around this time, and so I just feel like, you know, it's the right time to do it. And, wow, you are going to sleep. I will show myself out after taking one Uncle Nuts bar off your desk. So, you come up with your plan? Sort of. It seems like Ferdie doesn't really want to put in the work. Like, at all. Wow, it's weird to hear those words coming out of my mouth. He says we'll nail it down tomorrow. Sure, sure, you'll get it tomorrow. Hey, this'll be our after-school snack-tivity this week. (chuckles) So you sold all your balls? - Sold all the balls. - You don't sound happy. I just keep thinking about the sunken treasure that I left behind in the deeps. - In the what? - The deeps. It's what I call the deep part of the lake. - Nine feet deep. - Mm-hmm. No light. No life. No sound. Man's alone with his thoughts down there, Bobby. Except for some tadpoles. There's plenty of tadpoles down there. What's the sunken treasure? Thousands of balls, but, uh, I can't get to 'em. I'd be diving deeper than I'd ever gone before. I need someone to feed me the hose, keep a lookout. But, uh, who could I get, you know? What do I do? What do I do? Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. Probably never go back, call it quits. - Right. Team up! - No. - It'd be you and me! - No, not team up. Yeah, come on, Bob, one last score, and then we're done, we're out, we're set for life. - Teddy, I-I - Right? No looking back. - I don't think so. - What do you want to do, Bob? Work in this dead-end job the rest of your life, - flipping burgers? - Teddy You didn't exactly light the world on fire, Bob. - Wait, what? What? No. - You know what I mean? It's great, you got a restaurant here, but come on. - All right, I'll do it. - What? Really? I don't have to go in, right? You go in. - What? - I just have to hold the thing. Sure, if that's all you want to do. I mean, if you only want to live life that much, you just could hold the thing, I suppose. You really don't want to go in the water? No, I will not go in the water. I thought that's why you were gonna do it. You want to go in the water with me. - No, I don't want to dive - I thought we would be fighting over the hose. No? I don't want to dive into a scummy pond. Really? You got no Jacques Cousteau in you, huh, Bobby? I've eaten you, I've eaten you, I've eaten you Oh, you're new. What's your situation? Beatrice, loving the new 'do. N-Nothing's changed. It's the same 'do. Mm. It's different. Maybe you didn't wash it. Ferdie? Gene's here. - Again. - Hey, Gene. Hey, Ferdie. Ready to brainstorm? Perfect our pee pee pitch? Yeah, listen, I've been thinking. I'm not so sure the urinal plan is gonna work. Why not? Because I almost tried it, and it was, like, awkward. I couldn't even tell you if that guy was a board member. I mean, he had a suit on, he had a penis, he looked familiar. Okay, we'll come up with another plan. I don't know. We've already put, like, a ton of work into it. Let's face it, it's gonna be way too hard to convince the board to change Chunky Blast Offs back. - Wait, you're giving up? - Not exactly. Wait, yes. Exactly. First your company betrays me and now you! What is it with this place?! Maybe the next candy you make should be called "Betrayal Brittle," or something that has the word betrayal in it 'cause you're all experts at betrayal! Betrayal mix! - You're the betrayer! - What?! - Beatrice, who's betraying who? - Sorry, what's going on? That's right. She's on my side. I think Gene needs to go. And he's not allowed in my office anymore. So you want me to call security? That won't be necessary. I'm leaving. Beatrice, please page my mom in the gift shop, tell her I'll be by the car and that I'm not crying at all! (panting) (grunts, groans) I'm sorry Ferdinand turned out to be such a turd-inand. But, Gene, we're proud of you. You gave it your best shot. Yeah, Gene, you got closer than any of us thought you would. (groans) Okay, we'll leave you alone and let you have farty time on the couchies. If Ferdie had just stuck to the urinal plan, it would've worked. Well, maybe someone else needs to step up now. You started this crazy candy ride, now finish it, you son of a bitch! Wow! I love motivational speeches. Now I know what it must be like to play basketball. Here's what you're gonna do: you're gonna go into the board room and convince them yourself. But I can't get in there! I'm not allowed on the executive floors. But you can still take the factory tour. Why would I want to do that? It was terrible. The mail room was nice. No, the tour is just our cover. We'll peel off from the group and sneak Gene into the board meeting. Really? You'd do that for me? If it means watching you barge into a board of directors meeting half-cocked, then yes I will. - I think we're good, Bobby. - Mm-hmm. - I think we're finally good to go. - Mm. We'll enter by the 16th and then we'll cut across. - Did you bring your ski mask? - No. Did you? Uh You brought gloves though, right? - No. - No? - No! - Did I not say this? - I No, you didn't - I told you to bring a ski mask! - I told you to bring gloves, no? - No. You d-definitely didn't. - I definitely didn't say that? - Oh, my God. Okay. You're frustrated, you're scared. That's okay. But listen. Don't let the dogs smell that fear on you. - You know? - Dogs? What dogs? Wait, you have padding on your arms? - Yeah, but, uh - Is that for the dogs? No, it's just from, uh, another thing. From Rollerblading. But, yeah, no, now that you say it, it's probably gonna help with the dogs. You're probably right. Wait, have you been bitten by these dogs? No. I mean, yes, once, but that's why I got the padding. - Yeah, but I don't have the padding. - No. You didn't say bring padding. No, but I also didn't tell you that I got bit by a dog. Oh, my God. Why did I do this? - All right, light me up. - Here you go. - (gasps) - You okay? (gagging): Oh! - I'm gonna be fine. - You were just This always happens the first time. I know, but you were, like, down there for, like, just, like, two seconds. - You barely went down. - I just got scared. Okay. (coughing) Are you okay? You're choking? - Breathe in through the hose. - I am. I'm using the hose. - I'm trying to (gags) - Teddy, you're vomiting. It's making me g (gags) - You said you've done this before. - It's making me gag. - Maybe I try it once without the hose. - No, you can't go That's why I'm here. Just go down. (gagging) I'm ch Oh, my God. I'm gagging every time I try it, Bobby. Dive down, Teddy. (gasps) - All right. - Did you get any? Yeah, I got, like, three and a couple in my pocket. Well, go back down. Don't tell me what to do, Bobby! I'm not leaving here with three balls! I can't get that extra foot. That's why they call it the deeps. Teddy, go back down and get more. All right I'm going, I'm going. Just, uh, give me a second. Teddy, you said there were a thousand balls down there. All right, I'm going down one more t one more time. Great. Go. (gagging) Ugh. - So, how you gonna spend your share? - Teddy, shh. - SkyMall? - Shh. Why? We can be loud at this point. MAN: Hey! Who's over there?! Go, go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go! (both panting) - (dogs barking) - Oh, my God. You hear that? Dogs! Oh, my God! - Aah! Golf cart. - (grunts) - Uh - St-Stairs! - Stairs! - I got to take 'em! - No, no, no, no! - I got to take 'em, Bobby! If we don't make it, I love you. I friggin' love you. - I love you, too. - Yeah! Let's do it! (both screaming) Aah! We're losing all the golf balls! - Bobby, hold on to them! - Oh, oh, oh! (laughing) That was great! TEDDY: We did it! Good luck breaking into the candy board room. I'm gonna break into a giant bag of deformed candy that only costs a buck. (laughs) Hey, you three look familiar. Didn't you just take the tour last weekend? We're kids; we like candy. - Now tour us. - (laughs): Whoa! Now let's go have a look at the candy-making equipment getting cleaned and dried. Okay, so where's this display we're gonna Trojan horse you in with? There's a room full of those dumb new Chunky Blast Offs displays right through here. GENE: All right, just get me in the elevator and up into the board room. The meeting's about to start. Hey, you're not supposed to be here. - Busted. - Oh, no. (chuckles) We got separated from the super interesting factory tour. It happens. Come on, I'll get you back before you miss too much. Oh, no. You don't have to do that. Yeah, you probably have to patrol. No, no. It's no trouble at all. - Sounds like a lot of trouble. - No, you know what? Yeah, it does. - It's really not. - We don't want to bother you. Hey, did you see how they print the boxes yet? We did not. - Uh, we did, and - We did. Believe me, if you saw it, you'd remember it. That's for sure. You got your hairnets? Where's your hairnet? Uh I got a couple in my pocket here. Here you go. You can keep those, you know. - What? No. - Come on, let's go. (groans) Oh, no, it's please. - Come on. - All right, all right, all right! (whispers): What's happening? You got to get to the board room. We'll meet you there. Oh, sure, that'll be easy. (sighs) Well, here goes nothing (grunts) (elevator bell dings) Bringing their promotion items down here, huh? Well, they're always coming up with new things, those guys. (grunts) And the peanut blight in Puerto Rico really was a blight on this fiscal quarter - (laughing) - as you can see from that What? I don't get it. Why is that rocket coming in here? Oh. (Gene grunts) What's going on? Is it someone's birthday? - Ugh! - Gene? (panting) Give me a sec. What are you doing here? I came here to say the stuff that needs saying that you didn't have the guts to say so I'm gonna! I know he's just a little boy, but I'm calling 9-1-1. - No. - Hey. You are gonna listen to him. Gene's my friend, and I betrayed him. And he's gonna talk, and we're all gonna listen. And if I tune out a little, it's only because I know most of what he's about to say. All right, fine, you-you've got two minutes. Thanks, Ferdie. Look, I really care about Chunky Blast Offs. And you people changed them, and now they taste gross and the astronaut guy looks creepy. I'm sure you have your dumb reasons, but the original Chunky Blast Offs used to taste so good and meant so much to me. And now that they're gone, I feel like a part of me went with them. Are you trying to say a part of your childhood went away? Huh? Oh, uh, I don't know Hey, man, I was on a roll. All right, sorry, sorry. Just continue. (sighs) You people bring happiness to millions of kids. But then it's like you gave up on us. And I know a little something about giving up. Until a few days ago, I was known as a chronic giver-upper. Are you trying to say "quitter"? Please! Don't you people remember what it's like to care about your favorite candy? Or have you been dressing up in business suits and drinking business water for so long that you don't even remember? This is just water, just normal I don't know what "business water" is. - You, guy with the glasses. - Huh? Hey. When was the last time you even ate one of the candies you make? I-I don't know, a year? Maybe two? A year? That's crazy! What about you, lady with the turtle pin? Oh. Uh, a couple months ago, maybe? - What's your favorite candy? - I don't know. - I haven't given it any thought. - Come on, come on! Just think back when you were a kid, before you were this soulless Watch it. Come on, you know the answer. - A Goshdarnit Bar! - Ah! Good! What about you? Sp-Sprickle-Sprackles. Go on, dig in! - Whoa. - Wow. This is really different than the accounting office. - Come on, be a kid again! - WOMAN: Ow. Sorry, I just hit someone in the head. (laughs): It was me. It's fine. It's not a big deal. - Your eye is bleeding. - So, who's with me?! Let's change Chunky Blast Offs back! - I second it. - I third. - Hooray! - You changed my opinion. All right. Well, it looks like we'll be changing back to the original Chunky Blast Offs after all. It's unanimous. - (whoops) - Yes. Yes! Ha-ha! I can't believe it! - Atta-way, Gene! - Hoorah. Huzzah. - Did Gene really just do that? - Looks like it. Al, get me a cost breakdown and a timeline for putting the old formula and the packaging back online. Uh, sure. I can estimate that. It's gonna be, uh, somewhere between 15 and 20 million dollars. Oh, then forget it. - That's no. - All right. You did great in there, Gene. You should feel proud. You saw it through. You kept with it. Yeah, but we failed. No, Gene, you failed. - Huh. - FERDIE: No, no. You totally nailed it. You reminded those suit-bags what really matters to a candy company: kids. - And money. - And money. Hey, we've got, like, 20, 30,000 old formula Chunky Blast Offs in the warehouse. You want 'em? Ah, yeah. (moaning) I feel good. Do you guys feel good? Oh, my heart's beating like crazy. (chuckles) I'm sure it's fine. Let's go. I'll drive. Look at that thing. It's gonna last you into your 20s. - I give it a month. - I give it a week. And I will spend that week in this box. Please forward my mail to this address. (grunting) - Gene, give me one. Give me one. - No! No. - Give it! Give it to me! - No. In the mood for a little chocolate I want more of that chunky rocket Do what you do to me So good and so chunky Ready to blast off? Blast off Blast off Chunky, Chunky Blast Off Ooh, Hoo Said Blast Off Chunky, Chunky Blast Off Ooh, Hoo Yeah, Blast Off.