Rough Trade

♪ GOOD MORNING, U.S.A. ♪ ♪ I GOT A FEELING THAT IT'S GONNA BE A WONDERFUL DAY ♪ ♪ THE SUN IN THE SKY HAS A SMILE ON HIS FACE ♪ ♪ AND HE'S SHINING A SALUTE TO THE AMERICAN RACE ♪ ♪ OH, BOY IT'S SWELL TO SAY ♪ ♪ GOOD MORNING, U.S.A. ♪ [ Chorus ] ♪ GOOD MORNING, U.S.A. ♪♪ ♪ HEY ♪ [ Gargling ] ♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪ [ Exhales ] GOOD MORNING. [ Turns Off Radio ] [ Sighs ] [ Gasps ] DON'T YOU DIE ON ME, YOU ***! YOU'VE NEVER GIVEN UP ON ANYTHING BEFORE. FIGHT, DAMN YOU, FIGHT! [ Takes Deep Breath ] [ Screaming ] CODE RED! MY MANUAL FOR THE E.S. WEAPONS SYSTEM IS AWOL. DROP EVERYTHING AND HELP ME FIND IT! I SAID, DROP EVERYTHING! - BUT STAN-- - DROP IT! GOOD. NOW, CLEAN THAT UP AND HELP ME LOOK. HEY, DAD. I WANNA ASK OUT CARLY MILLS. HOW CAN I MAKE HER LIKE ME? - BY FINDING MY MANUAL. CHICKS DIG THAT. - [ Monkey Screams ] MY MANUAL! HAYLEY, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? MY ANIMAL RIGHTS GROUP RESCUED HIM FROM A PRODUCT TESTING LAB. THESE POOR CREATURES ARE BEING SHAMPOOED UP TO 10 TIMES A DAY! - GET IT OUT OF MY HOUSE! - I CAN'T. EVERYONE'S COUNTING ON ME TO GIVE IT SANCTUARY, UNTIL ITS HAIR LOSES ITS VOLUME AND LUSTER! ♪♪ [ Shampoo Commercial ] MORNING, EVERYBODY. HEY, LOOK. THAT MONKEY HAS A HAYLEY ON ITS ***. - OH, GO TO HELL. - ARE YOU DRUNK? WORKIN' ON IT. F.Y.I., I BACKED INTO MY TV, AND IT DIED. - SO I NEED A NEW ONE. - TOO BAD. I'M STILL PAYING OFF THAT AB-LOUNGE YOU NEVER USED. HEY, THAT WAS FALSE ADVERTISING. IF THEY CALLED IT A "LOUNGE," IT SHOULD COME WITH MARTINIS, AND GUYS IN IRONIC TRUCKER HATS, LIKE ON THE O.C. WHICH I'M MISSING, 'CAUSE I HAVE NO TV. FORGET IT. BUT I'M A SHUT-IN. TV'S ALL I HAVE. YOU THINK YOU HAVE PROBLEMS? I'M DEMONSTRATING A NEW WEAPON TODAY, AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT WORKS. WHAT IF I KILL SOMEONE? [ Gasps ] - WHAT IF I DON'T KILL SOMEONE? - SPEAKING OF KILLING, YOU KNOW WHAT THE FRENCH CALL AN "***"? "THE LITTLE DEATH." IT HARKS BACK TO THE MIDDLE AGES, WHEN ONLY MIDGETS WERE ALLOWED TO HAVE ORGASMS. IT'S TRUE! READ THE BIBLE. SENATORS, I AM PROUD TO PRESENT... [ Whirring ] FOR THOUGH THE E.S. IS A KILLING MACHINE, IT CAN ALSO PERFORM THE MOST DELICATE OF TASKS, BE IT DEFUSING A BOMB, OR ADJUSTING THE PEARLS... OF A HANDSOME WOMAN FROM CALIFORNIA. - SENATOR FEINSTEIN? - [ Chuckling ] IN LESS SKILLED HANDS, ABSOLUTELY NOT! YOU'D BE TORN ASUNDER! BUT SO GREAT IS MY CONFIDENCE IN AGENT SMITH, THAT I AM PUTTING MY REPUTATION, AND YOUR LIFE, IN HIS HANDS. [ Beeping, Twittering ] - UH, SIR? - NOT NOW, SMITH. BEHOLD! MAN AND MACHINE IN AN ELEGANT PAS DE DEUX OF PRECISION AND FINESSE. - [ Clicks ] - [ Hydraulics Running ] [ Screaming ] [ Frantic Groaning ] [ Bullock ] AGENT SMITH, YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL! IT'S NOT LIKE I KILLED HER. HELL, SHE SHOULD THANK ME. YOUR BOSS WAS PRETTY STEAMED. OH, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THE WAY HE TORE INTO ME, DOYLE. I MEAN, WORSE THAN THE ROUGHEST GAY *** YOU EVER HAD TO DO... TO PAY OFF YOUR GAMBLING LOSSES AT THE BELAGGIO. YEAH. YOU-- YOU'VE GOT QUITE THE BACKSTORY, DON'T YOU? STEVE? PUT YOUR MOM ON. - HEY, IS THAT STAN? - DID YOU BUY ME A TV? FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, QUIT NAGGING ME, YOU HARPY! MY GOD! THAT'S HOW HE TALKS TO HIS WIFE? HOW ELSE CAN I GET YOU TO LISTEN? YOU DON'T RESPECT ME. WHY SHOULD I RESPECT YOU? YOU'RE FAT AND LAZY! SEND HAYLEY DOWN TO THE CLOAK TO PICK ME UP, OR I'LL KICK YOUR *** WHEN I GET HOME! POOR FRANCINE! SHE'S SO SWEET AND KIND. AND PRETTY. OH, GREAT. I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOIN'. CAN I AT LEAST WATCH THIS TIME? [ Groaning ] IT'S ABOUT TIME, HAYLEY. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? GENIUS, IT'S ME. STYLED THE WIG MYSELF. [ Chuckles ] [ Starts Engine ] HERE WE ARE. THANK GOD! I JUST WANT TO GO UPSTAIRS, AND SLEEP THIS OFF, AND-- BIG BUY? WHAT THE HELL? AH-AH! NOT TILL YOU BUY ME A NEW TV. I WILL NEVER BUY YOU A TV! [ Revs Engine ] YOU IDIOT! COPS ALREADY? WHAT, ARE WE NEXT DOOR TO A FREAKIN' KRISPY KREME? YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT DOUGHNUTS, NOW? NO, I'M JUST SAYIN' THE COPS GOT HERE FAST. WHAT THE HELL DO FAST COPS HAVE TO DO WITH A KRISPY KREME? YOU ARE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE! [ Siren Winding Down ] GOOD EVENING, OFFICER, IS THERE A-- [ Retches ] HEY, STAN? NOW THAT YOU'RE STUCK AT HOME, I COULD REALLY USE YOUR INPUT... ON REDECORATING THE LIVING ROOM. THE COURT ORDER SAYS I'M NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE. IT DOESN'T SAY I HAVE TO GIVE A CRAP ABOUT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. COME ON! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS INCAN WISH BOWL? THEY SAY IF YOU TOUCH IT AND MAKE A WISH, IT'LL COME TRUE. I WISHED IT WOULD LOOK GOOD ON THIS TABLE. [ Gasps ] WELL, YES. BUT THERE'S GOTTA BE A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION. WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? - I GOT FOURTH ROW AT MAMMA MIA! - WHAT? YOU CAN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE! WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE? I DON'T HAVE A TV, REMEMBER? YOU THINK YOU CAN STICK ME WITH A D.U.I., AND THEN HEAD OFF TO A FABULOUS SHOW YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN DYING TO SEE? - NO WAY! - SAYS WHO? WELL, YOU SUCK AT IT! OH, DEAR. ROGER IS TOUCHING THE INCAN WISH BOWL. YOU THINK YOU COULD DO ANY BETTER? YOU WOULDN'T LAST A DAY IN MY SHOES. - ALL YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IS ***. - [ Gasps ] STAN IS ALSO TOUCHING THE WISH BOWL. I HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS. I *** BECAUSE I HAVE NO POWER AROUND HERE, ***. IF I DID, WE'D ALL BE A LOT HAPPIER! [ Together ] I WISH WE COULD TRADE PLACES. WHAT IS THAT? WHAT'S HAPPENING? KLAUS, STOP IT! GIVE ME THAT. YOU'LL BREAK IT. SO, WERE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT TRADING PLACES? HEY, YOU WANT TO GET A JOB, PAY THE BILLS, DEAL WITH EVERYONE'S PROBLEMS? BE MY GUEST. WHEN IT ALL GETS TOO MUCH FOR YOU, FINE! SEE HOW YOU LIKE LIFE ON THE BOTTOM RUNG! I'LL BE A BETTER MAN OF THE HOUSE THAN YOU EVER WERE! IF THAT WERE A REAL WISH BOWL, IT WOULD BE IN THE FERRARI... OF A 600-YEAR-OLD INCAN ON THE WAY TO HIS JOB... AS JESSICA ALBA'S G-STRING. STAN? AS LONG AS YOU'RE STILL UNDER HOUSE ARREST, I MIGHT AS WELL GIVE YOU A CONJUGAL VISIT. [ Screaming ] STAN, HOW LONG ARE YOU AND ROGER GONNA KEEP UP THIS RIDICULOUS SWAP? UNTIL HE APPRECIATES HOW HARD IT IS TO BE ME! TRUST ME, BY THE END OF THE DAY, HE'LL BE A NERVOUS WRECK. TA-DA! HOW DO I LOOK? EMPLOYABLE? OR VERY EMPLOYABLE? - IS THAT MY PANTSUIT? - YEAH. IT'S A LITTLE DRAB, BUT I "SHUZZED" IT UP WITH A WHITE BELT. DAD, I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP WITH CARLY MILLS. HEY, I'M THE MAN OF THE HOUSE NOW. I'LL HELP YA. UM, WELL, SHE'S A CHEERLEADER. GOT IT! RAH-RAHS LIKE HUNKY JOCKS, RIGHT? JUST DO SOME PUSHUPS! SHE'LL BE ALL OVER YA, TIGER. - GREAT IDEA, ROGER! - DOWN LOW. TOO SLOW. [ Mock Growling, Laughing ] [ Grunts ] HEY, MOM. WHEN YOU GO TO THE MARKET, CAN YOU PICK UP SOME INSECT LARVA? - WRITE IT DOWN. - HAYLEY, I SAID NO MONKEYS! AND I SAID IT WAS OKAY. I'M GONNA BUILD A HABITAT IN THE BASEMENT. WELL, HABITAT SLASH THEATER WORKSHOP. IN SIX WEEKS, WE'LL HAVE THE BEST ALL-MONKEY PRODUCTION OF CATS YOU'VE EVER SEEN. [ Both Groaning ] WELCOME BACK TO THE $100,000 PYRAMID. DAVID FAUSTINO, YOU'RE IN THE WINNER'S CIRCLE. GO! UH, OKAY. I WAS ONCE AMERICA'S SWEETHEART. UH, I RUINED MY MARRIAGE FOR A QUICK FLING. UH-- OH, "PLEASE, TOM HANKS, I'M BEGGING YOU. THINGS MEG RYAN WOULD SAY? [ Applauding ] THIS IS WHAT ROGER DOES? HE JUST SITS HERE AND WATCHES THIS CRAP ALL DAY? AN ELEVATED BLOOD ALCOHOL CONTENT. THINGS YOU EAT. THINGS THAT ARE FRUIT. OH! OH! OH! THINGS YOU PEEL! AHA! - I'M HALFWAY UP THE PYRAMID. - YOU'RE WATCHING THE PRICE IS RIGHT. SHUT UP, HAYLEY. OH, OH-- OH. THINGS THAT WEAR PANTS. THANKS FOR THE JOB, MR. FUSFELD. YOU'RE GONNA BE A GREAT CAR SALESMAN, ROGER. [ Gasps ] A BULLPEN! OH, IT'S LIKE A SITCOM COME TRUE. I'M PART OF A WORKPLACE ENSEMBLE. I BET HE'S THE SARCASTIC GUY, AND HE'S THE DUMB GUY! OH, MY GOD. HE MUST BE THE BLACK GUY WHO DOESN'T TALK! HELLO. HE IS! OH, OH, DON'T TELL ME. - YOU'RE THE ***. I'M THE NEW GUY. - HEY, NEW GUY. - I'M GONNA CRUSH YOU! - OOH, YOU'RE MY NEMESIS! YOU'RE MY NEWMAN. MY LOUIE DE PALMA. MY *** SISTER ON THAT AWFUL JIM BELUSHI ABORTION. PLANNING TO FOIL ME, ARE YA? GAME ON! LISTEN UP, CORKY. I'M WINNING THAT SALES CONTEST. GET IN MY WAY AND I'LL BURY YOU. "CHUCK" BERRY YOU. THAT'S RIGHT. IN YOUR MOUTH. ROGER, RIGHT? I'M PHILIP. I SEE YOU'VE MET MARIA. WHOO! SHE IS A TOTAL C-WORD. HEY, WE'RE ALL GUYS HERE, I'LL SAY IT: CUCKOO-HEAD. - WHAT WAS SHE TALKIN' ABOUT? - WHOEVER SELLS THE MOST CARS BY FRIDAY... - WINS A WEEK IN HAWAII. - HAWAII? THAT'S WHERE JAPAN GOES TO PLAY GOLF! DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP. MARIA ALWAYS WINS. AND SHE'S RUTHLESS. WHAT A NICE GUY. HE'S MY SIDEKICK. LARRY TO MY BALKI. SON TO MY SANFORD. "LEAVE IT" TO "MY BEAVER." OKAY, UH, UH-- I LIKE IT WHEN YOU PLACE YOUR DOCUMENTS FACE DOWN. UH, I'M MOST EFFICIENT WITH A DEDICATED PHONE LINE. UH, UH-- ERROR TYPE L6. THINGS A FAX MACHINE WOULD SAY. - COME ON! THAT WAS AN EASY ONE. - THAT WAS MY WHOLE DAY. HONEY, I'M HOME! - HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY ON THE JOB? - GREAT! WHEN I WIN MY SALES CONTEST, I'M TAKING US ALL TO HAWAII! [ All But Stan Shouting ] ROGER, I TOOK YOUR ADVICE AND DID SOME PUSHUPS. OH, MY GOD, STEVE. OKAY, TRUTH TIME. ARE YOU ON STEROIDS? - 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW FREAKY BIG YOU LOOK. - OH, COME ON! TIME FOR PHASE TWO. AFTER DINNER, WE'LL TAKE SOME SEXY PICTURES... AND YOU CAN SLIP 'EM IN CARLY'S LOCKER. - SHOW HER THE NEW YOU. - BUT, ROGER, YOU PROMISED TO HELP ME PICK OUT SOFA FABRICS. NO PROB. I CAN DO IT ALL. UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE. [ Screaming, Splashing ] YOU GUYS, SAVE THE POOP-FLINGING FOR THE CAST PARTY. THINGS THAT ARE GETTING FAT. THINGS THAT MIGHT BE WRONG, AND ROGER MIGHT BE RIGHT. THINGS THAT SHOULD BUCK UP! THINGS THAT WILL BE PROVEN RIGHT IN THE END. OH, THINGS THAT ARE JUST KIDDING THEMSELVES. THINGS THAT ARE USELESS. THINGS THAT ARE GETTING SOFT. THINGS THAT ARE STUPID, DUMB STUPID-HEADS. THINGS THAT MISS BEING NEEDED. THINGS THAT NEED MORE WINE TO MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY! [ Crying ] [ Man ] GIVE A WARM ISLAND ALOHA TO FUSFELD MOTORS'... TOP SALESMAN, ROGER SMITH! ROGER'S JOINED BY HAWAIIAN CELEBRITIES MAGNUM, P.I., AND GREG BRADY! [ Chanting ] ROGER, ROGER, ROGER, ROGER-- UH, HUH? WHAT? I'M SORRY. I WAS UP LATE LAST NIGHT, HELPING MY FAMILY WITH-- YOU HAVEN'T SOLD A SINGLE CAR YET! GET BUSY, OR YOU'RE FIRED. I CAN'T GET FIRED. I PROMISED MY FAMILY THAT TRIP TO HAWAII. DON'T WORRY, PAL. I'LL HELP YOU WIN. - WHY WOULD YOU GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO HELP ME? - I'M SICK OF MARIA WINNING. IF SHE LOSES THAT CONTEST TO ME, IT'LL HURT HER. BUT IF SHE LOSES TO YOU, THAT WILL DESTROY HER. I'VE WAITED MY WHOLE LIFE TO DO THIS. THE FINGER PYRAMID OF EVIL CONTEMPLATION. FEELS GOOD. ♪♪ [ Piano: "Memories" ] [ Monkey Screeching ] [ Smashing, Banging ] [ Monkeys Screeching ] - MORNIN'. - STAN, YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD. OH, OW! OW, FRANCINE. OW! HONEY, PLEASE CALL OFF THIS SWAP. HEY, IF ROGER CAN TAKE IT, SO CAN I. DID YOU GET THOSE PECAN SANDIES I ASKED FOR? [ Hissing Through Teeth ] PRETTY SURE I ASKED FOR PECAN SANDIES. TRY THESE CHOCODILES. WHAT'S KEEPING ROGER? GOD, IS IT MORNING ALREADY? I HAVEN'T EVEN CRACKED MY S.U.V. MANUAL. WAIT! WAIT, WHERE'S MY S.U.V. MANUAL? I NEED TO ORDER THE PAINT FOR THE STUDY TODAY. DID YOU WANT TO GO WITH "BLUE MORNING," OR "GOLDEN WOOD"? LITTLE BUSY HERE! S.U.V., S.U.V., S.U.V. AAH, MY MANUAL! [ Screaming ] I'M NOT THE ONE WHO FORGOT TO EXERCISE THE MONKEYS LAST NIGHT. SOME OF US WORK FOR A LIVING. THEY'VE BEEN HUFFING PAINT THINNER AND HAVING SEX ALL NIGHT. IT'S LIKE AN 8th-GRADE HOUSE PARTY DOWN THERE. GOD, MY ANIMAL RIGHTS GROUP IS GONNA THINK I'M A TOTAL FLAKE! THANKS FOR NOTHING. ROGER, I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY, BUT THIS'LL JUST TAKE A SECOND. YOU SUCK, ROGER! I GAVE THESE PICTURES YOU TOOK TO CARLY, AND SHE POSTED THEM ON HATEFULTEENS.COM. EVERYONE'S LAUGHING AT ME! YOU KNOW, DAD WASN'T PERFECT, BUT AT LEAST HE NEVER RUINED MY LIFE! [ Groans ] NOT NOW! YES, NOW. I ALREADY HIRED THE PAINTERS. "BLUE MORNING," OR "GOLDEN WOOD." MORNING. WOOD. MORNING. WOOD. MORNING-- [ Screams ] OH, MY GOD! THESE CHOCODILES, THESE CHOCODILES, FRANCINE, OH, MY GOD. THESE CHOCODILES, OH, MY GOD. OH! I'M SO SORRY! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I-I'M JUST UNDER SO MUCH PRESSURE. THIS IS ALL THANKS TO YOUR STUPID SWAP WITH STAN. STAN? OH, GOD. FRANCINE, HE CAN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS. HE'LL KILL ME. JUST TELL HIM YOU WALKED INTO A DOOR. HE'LL NEVER BUY THAT. GOD, I LOOK AWFUL. NO! NO, YOU LOOK PRETTY. HERE. I GOT YOU SOME SPECIAL MAKEUP. IT'S FROM THE ESTÉE LAUDER "IT NEVER HAPPENED" COLLECTION. [ Ringing ] HI, FRANCINE! FRANCINE, HOW'S IT GOIN'? OH, SCREW IT! STAN? HEY, LINDA. HEY, WHEN'D YOU GET THOSE? MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE? YEAH, WHAT DID HAPPEN TO YOUR EYE? - I, UH-- - PLEASE! HA! GOTTA WATCH OUT FOR THOSE DOORS, FRANCINE. AAH! WELL, I JUST CAME TO BORROW SOME SUGAR, BUT I CAN SEE, FRANCINE, THAT YOU NEED SUGAR, SO I'LL GET SOME... SUGAR. WHO KNOWS? SHE'S A WEIRD CHICK. THAT 52.3 CUBIC FEET OF CARGO SPACE CRAZY BIG HANDY. MOST HONORABLE WIFE, AHI, AND NUMBER ONE SON, YELLOWTAIL, "AGLEE." OKAY. SUPER GOOD TIME FUN. DOMO ARIGATO. ANOTHER SALE? WOW, MARIA DOESN'T HAVE A PRAYER. I OWE IT ALL TO YOU, PHILIP. [ Honking Horn ] FILE THIS CONTRACT FOR ME, WILL YA? I'M GONNA GO "CURRY" THEIR FAVOR. WHAT DO YOU BET THIS "DOMESTIC ABUSE" CALL TURNS OUT BOGUS? WELL, THE NEIGHBOR SAID THIS GUY'S ALREADY ON HOUSE ARREST FOR D.U.I. CAN I HELP YOU? - HOW'D YOU GET THAT SHINER, MRS. S? - IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. SHE WALKED INTO A DOOR. [ Chuckles ] YOU KNOW? WALK, WALK, WALK, WALK-- BAM! [ Laughs ] [ Joins In Laughing ] STAN, CAN I TALK TO YOU? EXCUSE US! LOOK AT THESE. NO WAY THIS KID'S 18. [ Monkeys Screaming, Banging ] WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? [ Officer Screaming ] GET 'EM OFF ME! GET 'EM OFF! OFF! OFF! OOH! NO, NO, NO! SON OF A-- GOD! [ Officer Continues Screaming ] [ Francine ] STAN, PLEASE! NO MORE VIOLENCE! YOU CAN'T LEAVE! YOU'RE STILL UNDER HOUSE ARR-- [ Screams, Grunts ] OH, MY EYE! I DESERVED IT, FOR LEAVING THE MOP OUT. HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, DIRTBAG! -FUCKIN' KISS MY ASS, PIGS! - [ Electrical Buzzing ] [ Shouts, Groans ] HI, UH, HOPE THIS ISN'T A BAD TIME, BUT... YOUR TRASH CANS HAVE BEEN OUT ON THE CURB FOR A WEEK, SO, YOU KNOW, WHENEVER. [ Mr. Fusfeld ] LISTEN UP, EVERYONE. THE CONTEST IS OVER. TIME TO ANNOUNCE THE WINNER. OH, MY GOD. THIS IS IT. THE TRIP TO HAWAII GOES TO OUR NUMBER-ONE SALESPERSON, PHILIP! WHAT? HE SOLD TWICE AS MANY CARS AS ANYONE. BUT-BUT THESE ARE MY SALES. WELL, THEY ALL HAVE PHILIP'S SALES NUMBER ON 'EM. YOU DIDN'T SELL ANY. YOU'RE FIRED. I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR PAL. [ Crying ] [ Sinister Chuckling ] YOU'RE PRETTY MAD AT ME. MAD? WHY WOULD I BE MAD? JUST BECAUSE I'M BEING HELD WITHOUT BAIL... FOR DOMESTIC ABUSE, ANIMAL CRUELTY, CHILD *** AND ATTEMPTED ***? [ Muffled ] AAH! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE-- [ Screams ] I KNOW THIS DOESN'T REALLY MATTER NOW, BUT... YOU WIN. - HUH? - YOU'RE A BETTER MAN OF THE HOUSE THAN I AM. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU MANAGE TO DO EVERYTHING YOU DO, BUT THIS FAMILY'S LUCKY TO HAVE YOU. - AND SO AM I. - OH, I-- AH, YOU COULD SAY... YOU HAVE A WHOLE NEW APPRECIATION FOR HOW TOUGH IT IS TO BE ME. THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME BY NOW, ROGER. I DON'T LEARN LESSONS. NOW, IF I'M GONNA GET OUT OF HERE, WE NEED TO START DOING THINGS MY WAY. THE C.I.A. WAY. WE NEED A PATSY. - A PATSY? - SOMEONE WE CAN FRAME FOR EVERYTHING. SOMEONE VILE. AN EVIL PERSON, WHO DESERVES TO BE PUNISHED. - ANY IDEAS? - [ Hangs Up Receiver ] HMM. GOT IT! THESE PEOPLE ARE INSANE! I'M INNOCENT. THAT'S THE MAN WHO BROKE INTO MY HOME AND PUNCHED ME. RIGHT BEFORE HE LOCKED ALL THOSE POOR MONKEYS IN OUR BASEMENT. AND TOOK PICTURES OF MY NO-NO PARTS. HE MADE ME CALL HIM "UNCLE BAD TOUCH!" [ Cries ] I'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE IN MY LIFE. THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY LYING, TO PROTECT THE FATHER. [ Giggling ] WE SEARCHED HIS APARTMENT. THE PLACE WAS CLEAN. EXCEPT FOR THIS. HE'S GOT TONS OF NAZI STUFF. SOME KIND OF WEIRD COLLECTOR, I GUESS. SIR, CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS? YEAH, I'M A MEMBER OF THE ANTI-ZIONIST *** BROTHERHOOD. SO WHAT? THIS IS AMERICA! SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO, LIEUTENANT GOLDBERG? [ His Voice As A Child ] DON'T GO, PAPA! [ Father's Voice ] RUN, NATHAN! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN, AND GO TO AMERICA, BECOME A POLICE OFFICER, AND RISE UP THROUGH THE RANKS. THEN, ONE DAY, YOU CAN USE YOUR POWER TO AVENGE US ALL. [ Young Goldberg ] PAPA! [ Dogs Barking ] BUT-- OH! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? YOU ARE FREE TO DO. [ Family Cheering ] NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS, BUT I MISSED HAVING YOU IN CHARGE. WELL, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS, OH, STAN! BYE-BYE! SEE YOU SOON!