The Fermentation Bifurcation


 * Sheldon: Leonard, friends are like toilet paper; it's good to have extras under the sink.


 * Penny: Oh, hey, if you guys are free this weekend, I won a night of wine tasting from work.
 * Leonard: That sounds fun. Mmmmm. How come scientists don’t win free stuff like salespeople do?
 * Howard: ‘Cause we’re not in it for the stuff. We’re in it for the groupies.
 * Sheldon: Personally. I find the notion of external rewards demeaning. I pursue science for the intrinsic joy of discovery.
 * Amy: But you always say that you want to win a Nobel Prize.
 * Sheldon: I also say don’t contradict me in front of my friends, but that you don’t remember.
 * Raj: I would love to. I do enjoy the complexity of an aged Pinot noir.
 * Leonard: I’m sure that would pair nicely with your fried nuggets if chicken.
 * Amy: Well, it sounds like a nice night. We should go.
 * Sheldon: Wine again? Yeah, no, thank you. I like my grapes the old-fashioned way in a juice box.
 * Amy: Well, I’m going. You couldn’t stop me from getting a massage in the mall, and you’re not stopping me now.
 * Sheldon: I shouldn’t have to see my girlfriend get groped in public by another man in public.
 * Amy: And I shouldn’t have to see my boyfriend riding on a train for children around the mall.
 * Penny: The little choo-choo for toddlers?
 * Amy: And now you know why I needed the massage.
 * Howard: Well, we’re out. Bernie can’t drink ‘cause she’s pregnant. And she’s pregnant because we had sex. And we had sex because…. [laughs] well, come on.
 * Bernadette: It’s okay. You should go.
 * Howard: You sure?
 * Bernadette: Of course.
 * Penny: Yeah, give her a break from, “Well, come on.”
 * Sheldon: Well, Bernadette, looks like Saturday night, it’s just you and me.
 * Bernadette: Me? How? Why?
 * Sheldon: Well, it makes perfect sense. Because you’re an expectant mother, you can’t drink alcohol. I don’t like to. You can’t have sushi. I don’t like to. You can’t go in hot tubs. I consider them vats of sweaty people soup.
 * Bernadette: Gee, Sheldon. I don’t know.
 * Sheldon: Oh come on. Roller coasters, caffeine, runny eggs- I’ve been avoiding those things all my life. And now, because you’re pregnant, you have to.
 * Leonard: The difference is she’s bringing life into the world, and you suck it out.
 * Bernadette: I guess we could give it a try.
 * Sheldon: Well, little lady, you’ve heard of party hearty; get ready to party hardly.
 * Howard: I bet you’d like a drink now.


 * Raj: Hey, you think it’d be okay if I brought Claire to the wine tasting?
 * Leonard: Sure. I’d like to meet her.
 * Raj: Oh, that’s great. I’ve been wanting her to meet you guys, too, so this seems like the perfect opportunity.
 * Shelden: Oh, but I won’t be there.
 * Raj: Funny how that worked out.
 * Leonard: Does this mean Emily’s not in the picture anymore?
 * Raj: No, I’m still dating her.
 * Leonard: Okay, help me out. Howa are you doing this? Do they know about each other?
 * Raj: They know that we’re not exclusive, and we don’t ask too many questions.


 * Raj: Hey, guys, do me a favor and don’t ask too many questions about our relationship. We’re just keeping it casual.
 * Leonard: Oh, so I shouldn’t ask her how she feels about being a member of your harem?


 * Bernadette: So what do you want to do tonight?
 * Sheldon: Oh, I have quite an evening planned. Our fetus-friendly festival of fun begins with an in-depth look at the world of model trains, and then we’ll kick things up a notch and explore all the different ways you can make toast.


 * Zack: Hey, did you two get married?
 * Penny: We did.
 * Leonard: Yeah, mmm.
 * Zack: To each other?
 * Penny: Yes.
 * Zack: Cool. Cause other than when you broke up with him and dated me, then broke up with me, and then dated me one more time before getting back to him, I was rooting for you two.


 * Zack: Are you kidding? I love science. Einstein. Stephen hawking. Mike deGrasse Tyson.
 * Amy: Mike deGrasse Tyson?
 * Howard: Yeah, you know, the boxer who grew a mustache and became a scientist.


 * Bernadette: What is it about trains that you like so much?
 * Sheldon: What an interesting question. Well, when I was a child, life was confusing and chaotic for me, and trains represented order. I could line them up, categorize them, control them. I guess you could say that they gave me a sense of calm in a world that didn’t.


 * Sheldon: And last, but not least, this is one I like to call Star wars toast because…it has a light side and a “Dark Side”.


 * Amy: So Claire, we’ve heard so many wonderful things about you.
 * Claire: Really? Like what?
 * Amy: Uh, mostly, Penny’s heard them.
 * Zack: Boy, you get some dirty looks over there when you ask for ice.
 * Raj: Zack, this is my friend Claire.
 * Zack: You’re hot. You seeing anybody?
 * Raj: Uh, she’s seeing me.
 * Zack: Why’d you say she’s your friend?
 * Raj: We’re just keeping it casual.
 * Zack: Why is he being casual with you? You seem great.
 * Claire: I don’t know. Ask him.
 * Zack: Why are you being casual with her? She seems great.


 * Bernadette: Wow, this night turned out to be so much more fun than I thought.
 * Sheldon: Oh the fun doesn’t stop. You’re still going home with a goodie bag full of toast.
 * Bernadette: Thank you for this. You know, ever since people found out I’m having a baby, I feel like I became “Pregnant Bernadette”. It was nice to take a little break tonight.


 * Zack: I see what you’re saying. She’s not so great.
 * Raj: Don’t listen to him. He says crazy things all the time. Uh watch. Marco!
 * Zack: Polo!
 * Raj: So, uh, what are you guys talking about?
 * Claire: Your friends were just telling me about all the other girls you’re dating.
 * Raj: Why would you do that? I specifically asked you not to do that.
 * Penny: We didn’t.
 * Amy: You just did.
 * Zack: Wow. Maybe none of you guys are smart.