Every Meat Burritos

(Episode opens with a karate show. Scene then moves to the living room. Mordecai's stomach rumbles)

Mordecai: Whoooooooooooooaa! Loudest! I get to pick where we're eating!

Rigby: No way, dude. Check it. (moves around and a low rumble can be heard)

Muscle Man: You ladies got nothing. Hear it and weep. (hambones his stomach until a long, low rumble can be heard)

Rigby: That's cheating! You're pumping in a bunch of air!

Muscle Man: It's not cheating. It's called the Butterball Boxing Technique.

Hi Five Ghost: I got this, I got this. (tries to pressure himself) Aw, lost it.

(The guys then notice a commercial on TV)

Jimbros: ♪Jimbros burritos! Jimbros burritos! Jimbros burritos! Jimbros burritos!♪

Jimbo: We are the Jimbros! Jimbo!

Jimmy: Jimmy!

Jim: Jim!

Jimbo: Introducing our new Every Meat Buritto! It's got every meat! Beef!

(The Jimbros list a long line of meats and we are then shown how the burrito is made. All the meats mentioned come together in a ball. It then passes through a machine which cut the meat, and the meat is placed on the wheat flour tortilla and wrapped up.)

Jimbros: ♪Jimbros burritos! Jimbros burritos!♪

(The guys are stunned. Rigby gasps. We then see the guys driving the cart to Jimbros Burritos )

Guys: '♪Jimbros burritos! Jimbros burritos! Jimbros burritos!♪

(Muscle Man pullis up to the drive-thru.)

Muscle Man: We'd like 4 Every Meat Burritos, por favor.

Jimbo: Whoa, bro. Can't you see the sign? (Points to a sign that says 'No Car No Service)

Rigby: We're in a car.

Jimbo: Car, huh? Then where are the doors?

Mordecai: (pointing) That car doesn't have any doors.

(We see Jeremy and Chad sitting in a jungle car enjoying the burritos.)

Jimbo: That's a jungle car. Yours is meant for a golf course.

Rigby: For a park!

Jimbo: Don't come back here without a real car. (closes the drive thru window. The guys look at each other. The next scene shows the cart coming back, but with some cardboard attached to it.)

Muscle Man: 4 Every Meat Burritos-- (The wind picks up and the cardboard comes off the cart and flies away. Jimbo closes the drive thru window again. Scene cuts to Muscle Man driving the guys to his trailer.) Guess we'll have to take the Muscle Machine.

Rigby:  Wait, I thought your car was busted.

Muscle Man:  I just said that so you freeloaders would stop borrowing it all the time. (they walk to the car) There's nothing wrong with my sweet ride. She'll purr like a kitten when I start 'er up. (mirror breaks off. Rigby is about to say something, but...) JUST GET IN THE CAR!! (they all get in the car. Mordecai, Rigby and Fives cough and groan at the view of the car. Muscle Man tries to start the car, but it seems pretty hard.)

Mordecai: Try pumping the gas pedal.

Rigby: Pop the clutch.

Muscle Man: There is no clutch! It's automatic! (sighs) I just gotta finesee it. (tries to start the car again but fails.) Ugh!

Hi Five Ghost: Is the tank empty?

Mordecai: Maybe you need to jump.

Muscle Man: I said I gotta finesee it! And I can't do that with all this negative energy! (the guys stare at him. Muscle Man starts pressing down on the gas pedal) Come on, baby. Come to Papa! (uses his bare feet to work with the pedal) Come on! Come on! (with a perfect press, he finally gets it working. Everyone is impressed.) I told you! She runs like a dream. Now, let's go get some burritos!

(The guys start driving back to Jimbros.)

Guys: ♪Jimbros burritos! Jimbros burritos!♪

(The car suddenly clatters to a stop, and we can see that the oil is leaking out and the engine is fried.)

Rigby: Know anyone else with a car?

(A montage of the guys asking their friends for use of their vehicles begins. Skips declines use of his caravan, Pops declines use of Carmenita, Starla declines use of her car, John declines use of his truck, Gary declines use of his car and disappears. Of course, when they go to Benson's, he ultimately refuses to let the guys borrow his car.)

Benson: No way. The last time I let you borrow my car you totaled it. Do you think I'm crazy?! (closes his apartment door. Everyone looks at Mordecai)

Rigby: You just had to take Margaret to the airport, didn't ya?

Mordecai: (groans) Somebody's gotta have a car.

Muscle Man: Wait, the impound lot! Fives, doesn't your brother still work there as a cop?

Hi Five Ghost: Yeah, I think so.

Mordecai: Do you think he can get us in?

Hi Five Ghost: I don't know. We haven't talked since he brought his girlfriend to Aunt Air Five's wedding.

Muscle Man: Come on, bro. Settle up and call him! We need this car! This is Every Meat Burritos we're talking about.

Hi Five Ghost: Ok, but those impound cars have some bad history.

(Scene cut to the City Impound Yard)

Low Five Ghost: Sure, I can help you out. It's the perfect car—lots of character.

Rigby: Cool! Which one is it?

(They look around at different cars) 

Guys: Woah! Woah!

Low Five Ghost: There she is.

(We are shown a busted up looking car. The guys are unimpressed.)

Rigby: This car isn't gonna run. It looks like an old, dirty brick.

Low Five Ghost: Oh, it'll run. Back in the 70's it was used as a getaway car. (flashback to the 70's, where the car is freshly active) There was a crazy bank robbery. The police began hot pursuit. (The car drives into an alley and stops.) Two and a half hours later, they blocked him into an alley. With nowhere to run, they lawfully approached the vehicle. (The police walk up with their guns.) Only to find he had vanished.

Cop #1: We lost him...

Cop #2: What?! I hate it when people get away from uuuuuuus!

(Cops shoot at the vehicle. The flashback ends.)

Guys: Wooooaaaaaaaahhhhh! (They approach the vehicle.)

Rigby: Robber car!

Mordecai: This is gonna be awesome.

Rigby: What's this stuff on the seats?

Low Five Ghost: It's from the 70's. Everything made of shag carpeting.

Mordecai: You sure we can borrow it?

Low Five Ghost: Totally. We mostly use it for target practise and garbage. As long as you bring it back, no one's gonna notice.

Muscle Man: We'll take it!

(Cut to the guys on the road with the car.)

Rigby: Best part about 70s cars? We all get to ride shotgun.

(Muscle Man rolls up to Jimbo again.)

Jimbo: So you finally got a car. Or all least what's left of one.

Rigby: Come, on Jimbo. Less tood, more food.

Muscle Man: 4 Every Meat Burritos, extra every.

(Jimbo gives Muscle Man the order.)

Rigby: Are they really every meat?

Jimbo: We're out of llama, but we substituted smoked alpaca. You won't know the difference. (closes the window.)

(Mordecai and Rigby hmph as Muscle Man parks uo.)

Muscle Man: Gentlemen, I present (holds up bag) the Every Meat Burritos.

(Mordecai, Rigby and Muscle Man take a sniff.)

Mordecai: You can really smell the giraffe.

(A shadowy figure rises up in the backseat as Muscle Man opens up the bag. Fives takes a burrito.)

Hi Five Ghost: Let's do this! (figure grabs the burrito) What?

(The shadowy figure takes the bag from Muscle Man's hands.)

Muscle Man: Hey!

Mordecai: What's going on? (figure punches Mordecai in the face)

(The guys check the backseat.)

Rigby: There's a guy back there!

(The guy disappears into the seat into the seat with the burritos in hand.)

Muscle Man: (climbing over to the backseat) After him!

(Rigby climbs over too.)

Rigby: Aw, man! It keeps going!

(He dives deep into the backseat, followed by Muscle Man, Mordecai and Hi Five Ghost. The four start running through a long passageway with a whole bunch of garbage.)

Rigby: Ah, sick!

(They slow down for a while, and stop.)

Hi Five Ghost: Which way did he go?

Muscle Man: (sniffs) That way! (runs ahead with Hi Five Ghost) We're coming for you, you burrito-stealing loser! (steps on a spring with a board which sets off a trap, trapping him and Fives inside)

Mordecai and Rigby: Muscle Man! Fives!

(They run over to help them.)

Mordecai: We gotta get you outta there!

Muscle Man: No time! Just....get the burritos!

Hi Five Ghost: Yeahh, leave us! The burritos are the only things that matter!

Mordecai and Rigby: Hmm hmm! (run ahead as the walls get thicker)

Mordecai: Ugh, it's getting thicker!

Rigby: (spits) It's in my mouth!

Mordecai: Wait, I see light!

(Mordecai and Rigby enter a room.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Woah!

(Rigby sniffs around.)

Rigby: Show yourself! We know you're here! We can smell the burritos!

(The guys emerges from the walls.)

Barry: Guess ol' Barry couldn't run forever.

Rigby: Dude, you live down here? Gross!

Barry: What do you mean? This place is a paradise!

Mordecai: It's a nightmare. And it reeks.

Barry: Don't you say that about Barry's pad!

Rigby: Why are you living like this?

Barry: Oh, it's a bummer trip, man. I used to make my living on the land. (flashback to what he's describing) Rolling convenient stores, turning over banks. That's how we did it in the 70s. Easy money, dig? Then came that fateful day. The heat was on. I just couldn't shake Jonny Law. They cornered me. I had to bug out. Lay low in the shag. But they took my ride into impound. I couldn't escape! So I survived off the crumbs dropped by the fuzz over the years. (flashback ends) It was a bum rap, man.

Rigby: Heavy.

Barry: So when you fellas brought these burritos into my car, huh, I couldn't help myself. They smelled so outta sight, dig? Ol' Barry's gonna enjoy scarfin' these little numbers.

Mordecai: Except that we bought them, so they're ours. Now give 'em back!

Barry: Take your last whiff, cause it's all you're gonna get. (prepares to take a bite of the burrito)

Rigby: No! (charges at Beary, but misses)

Mordecai: Hey! Uhh.. (tries to hit Beary, but he karate-chops him whilst making a karate sound)

Rigby; Did he just karate-chop you?

Mordecai: Yeah, I guess, kinda.

Barry: (puts the burrito back in the bag) You want these burritos, you're gonna have to take em! (shakes his legs) Whooooooooooooaaaaaaaah! (starts making karate moves at Mordecai and Rigby)

Mordecai: What's he doing?

(Barry continues making karate sounds as he goes to sit on a chair, then he lies on the ground, grabs the chair, and kicks to toward Mordecai and Rigby, but it misses. Mordecai and Rigby look at each other, then back at Barry. He gets up and makes more strange poses before standing in front of Mordecai. Mordecai looks at Rigby before punching Beary in the face. Barry screams and falls back in slow motion, then moves toward Mordecai before getting punched again. He moves back and rolls around the bed before moving toward Mordecai again, and gets punched again. He then starts crashing and moving around before finally jittering on the bed and laying motionless with his eyes closed.)

Mordecai: (sighs) Would you just give us back our burritos?

(Barry releases the bag from hsi hand. Rigby goes ot pick them up.)

Rigby: You need to get outta here more often. The 70's aren't cool anymore.

Barry: (opens his eyes) Not cool?

Mordecai: Yeah, man. It's really nice outside. You should come enjoy the modern worlld with us.

Barry: You think it's safe? Are the fuzz still on my tail?

Rigby: Nah, I bet they don't even care anymore.

(Mordecai and Rigby climb out of the backseat.)

Mordecai: Come on out, Barry. It's alright.

Barry: (sticks his head out first, then his whole self) Whoa, man! The sun! (looks through the window) It's so bright.(takes a breath of air) And clean. (he, Mordecai and Rigby come out of the car) Yes sirree, it's gonna be a new life for ol' Barry!

Cop: (offscreen) On the ground, dirtbag! (punches Beay inn the face. Beary dramatically tries to fall back slowly) Alright, alright! (grabs him and holds him down to handcuff him)

Barry: Major bummer, man.

(Muscle Man, Hi Five Ghost and Low Five Ghost appear.)

Low Five Ghost: Nice catch, guys.

Mordecai: Muscle Man! Fives! Are you okay?

Muscle Man: Fine, bro. That carpet put up a real fight, though. We had to crawl our way out.

Hi Five Ghost: I wanna take a shower.

Muscle Man; Once we got out, Fives dropped a dime to the guys at the station.

Low Five Ghost: Thanks for that tip, little brother. Gimme five! (they miss)

Muscle Man: So, did you save the Every Meat Burritos?

Rigby: (reveals the bag) Got 'em right here!

(The guys all reach for one.)

Mordecai: Best burrito ever.

Muscle Man: Hand it over!

Hi Five Ghost: I've been waiting for this!

(Rigby throws awway the bag. Mordecai and Rigby take a bite of their burritos, as do Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost. They enjoyingly chew them, but soon seem unsatisfied.)

Rigby: Hmm, taste like chicken.

(End of Every Meat Burritos)