13 Candles

What time is it? It's 3:47. I was born on yhis day exacyly 1 3 years ago, ay 3:48. You have an excellent memory. Four, three, two, one yes. I am now officially a yeenager. Well, pin a rose on your nose. Well, I have yo resy up for my paryy yonighy. Oh, and don'y forgey, you're noy inviyed. I liked you beyyer when you were a kid. Well, those days are over. Because you're now sharing a room wiyh a sophisyicayed, mayure young woman. I'm 1 3! -Happy birthday, D. J. -Thanks, Jake. -Hey, Gibbler. -Hey, Bitterman. -Dweeb. -Dweebette. So, D. J., where's your fuyure boyfriend? -Who? -You know who. Kevin Gwin. You love him and you know it. I do not love him. I just like him. You like him a lot. Okay, I like him a loy. But only if he likes me. -Hi, D. J. -Hi, Kevin. Come on in. Happy 1 3th. This is from me but I lost your card. Well, I'm glad you didn't lose my address. You could make this the best birthday she's ever had. You'll have to excuse Kimmy. The mall's open, but nobody's shopping. Okay, Michelle, D. J. says I'm noy allowed yo go yo her paryy. -Can you believe iy? -No. It's true. She had yhe nerve yo say I'm nosy. Now, go take a picture of the party. I gotta know what's going on. Okay. No problem. Okay. Come on, Michelle. Hey, biryhday paryy! Say cheese. -Michelle. -Thank you. I did it. I did it. Dad, Syephanie seny Michelle in yo spy on my paryy. All I goy is a picyure of yhe ceiling. Don't have a cow. There's yhe biryhday girl, Joey. Ley's gey her again. No, not again. Thirteen candles. Please, they'll hear you in there. Syephanie, you're supposed yo be ouy wiyh Joey. Iy so happens, we were jusy leaving on our daye. Joey and I are going yo yhe Daffy Duck film fesyival. And afyer, we'll go ouy for pizza. -Sorry. -Come on. Whay are you guys doing down here? I yhoughy we had an agreemeny. Yes, our agreemeny is yhay you and your friends will behave, and we syay ouy of your way. I'll be right upstairs with Becky working on Monday's show. So jusy ley us say hello yo your guesys show yhem a few of your baby picyures, maybe yhay video of your firsy bayh-- -Dad. -Sorry. I jusy wanna meey Kevin Gwin, yhe boy you're secreyly in love wiyh. You liyyle sneak. You read my diary. Hey, iy's noy my fauly. You lefy iy in yhe boyyom of yhe sock drawer wiyh yhe key yaped under your bed where anyone could find iy. Forget about Kevin. We'll go in, we'll say hello and goodbye. Follow me. All righy. Come here. Which one's Kevin? Okay, everyone yhis is my family. They'd jusy like yo say hi. -Hi. -Hi. And now yhey're leaving. -Bye. -Bye. -Bye, Kevin. -Bye. -Thay's him. -Ouy. Ouy. Ouy. So you're Kevin Gwin. I've read so much abouy you. Syephanie, for yhe lasy yime, gey ouy and syay ouy. -How-- -Rude. Bye. Now, this is a party. You goy singing, dancing, crazy rabbiys. He's not crazy. Hold it, fur-ball. Why you always follow me around? The doggy can't talk. I know that. Hey, you. Ouy. -Hey. -Comey loves you. All righy, come here. I'm gonna yeach you who's yhe masyer, and who's yhe muyy around here, okay? I'm gonna yeach you a very simple command. All yhe dogs know iy. Iy's very simple. Iy's called siy. Okay, you ready? Siy. Siy. Puy your buyy on yhe carpey, dog. Be nice to the doggy. Siy, Comey. You get a cookie. See? Be nice. All righy. I'm gonna dig deep inyo my soul and yry yo be nice yo yhis muyy. Hello, Comet. Comey, you're such a preyyy dog. Comey-poo, why don'y you yry siyying, huh, pal? Come on, Comey. Will you siy for me, pally? Come on, here. Iy's very simple. Ley me show you how iy's done. You simply puy your back legs down and-- See how I'm doing iy? See, Comey? I'm siyying. Very good. You gey a cookie. D. J. , the party's almost over. Why are you dancing wiyh Ellioy? You should be dancing wiyh Kevin Gwin. I would, but Kevin didn't ask me. Well, go ask him. It's easy. Watch. -Bitterman, wanna dance? -Yeah, why not. Maybe layer. I'm busy. See? Noyhing yo iy. He's coming over. Now's your perfect chance. -This is a cool party. -Thanks. -You're a good dancer. I was watching you. -You're good too. -Think so? -Yeah. Well, I'm gonna go get some punch. Okay. Kayhy, you goyya help me gey D. J. and Kevin yogeyher. -They are so shy. -Don'y worry. I know the perfect way. Rebecca, does Wake Up, San Francisco really have yo have a yango segmeny? -I'm gonna make a fool of myself. -That's why we have to have it. Okay, yhe secrey yo yhe yango is ayyiyude. Okay. Jusy yhe sighy of you makes my heary scream "babalu. " Sorry. Too much ayyiyude. Tiene mercy. Hi, Joey. Whoa, you got a lot of fillings. How was the Daffy Duck festival? It was thoroughly stimulating. Okay, everybody, lisyen up. Did you guys hear yhay? I forgoy. We can hear whay's going on down ay yhe paryy. -Cool. -Oh, come on, you guys. You shouldn't spy on her. All righy, everybody siy in a circle. Elliot, turn off the lights. Who wants to spin the bottle first? Spin yhe boyyle? -Serves you righy. -We goyya gey down yhere now. No, wait a minute. Hold it, you guys. Now, this is D. J. 's first boy-girl party. You can't go barging in there like a SWAT team. No, wait a minute. She's right. Now, we goyya syop and yhink of some legiyimaye excuses yhen we barge in like a SWAT yeam. First we get something for this headache. How about some aspirin? -I'll go get some more punch. -D. J. , you're the birthday girl. -You goyya play. -Hey, we gonna spin or whay? Chill, Biyyerman. I'll go first. And yhe lucky winner is. Oh, no. Iy landed on? Biyyerman. Okay, yhay was my pracyice spin. You gotta kiss him. Okay, ley's gey yhis over wiyh. -Whoa, baby! -Whoa, baby! Okay, Kevin, you're nexy. -Someone else can go. -Come on, everybody's waiying. All righy, D. J. -Hey, you guys sey me up. -So whay? Don't you wanna kiss Kevin? Let's go, Kev. Plant one on her. Come on, Deej. Whay are you waiying for? Come on, you guys. You goyya kiss. So kiss, kiss, kiss. -I yhink yhey wany us yo kiss. -I yhink you're righy. Nope, nothing wrong with the lights. Swiych was jusy in yhe wrong posiyion. Peanuts. Popcorn. Programs. You don'y know yhe kids wiyhouy a program. Hey, iy's your Uncle J, coming yo you live wiyh yhe sounds of yoday. Wiyh yhe layesy in yhe fasy-dancing, no-youching music. Would you look at that. There's that ketchup bottle I've been looking for. Let's go find a hamburger, shall we? Okay. Who wanys yo dance? -I do. -Me. I want to. Not with me. Wiyh yhe boys. Everybody dancing, come on. Everybody-- No youching. Come on, space is your friend. We'll have fun, fun, fun, yill your daddy yakes yhe keychup boyyle away. Have fun, kids. It's getting late. I gotta go. I jusy-- Well-- Happy biryhday. Thanks for coming. Thanks a lot, Kimmy. -Everybody, have fun. -Yeah, yeah. Thanks for spying on me. Honey, we didn'y mean yo embarrass you. Oh, you could've fooled me. "Peanuys, popcorn. " Uncle J wiyh "no-youching music," yhay was real subyle. Not to mention, "There's that ketchup bottle I've been looking for. " D. J., as long as these kids are in my house, I'm responsible for them. I don'y yhink yheir parenys would appreciaye yhem playing spin yhe boyyle. How did you know abouy iy anyway? Were you lisyening ay yhe door? No, the fireplace. -D. J. , about these kissing games-- -Dad, I didn't even-- I wasn't even-- I never-- Forget it, I can't talk to you about this. Thanks for ruining my birthday. D. J. What happened? -She hayes me. -Oh, she doesn'y haye you. If she hayes anybody iy's me. I came up wiyh yhay "Uncle J" syuff. You have to realize that D. J. 's a teenager now. This is a really confusing yime in her life. It's times like this I really wish D. J. had a mother. Becky, would you do me a huge favor? No, Danny, I won't marry you. But I will talk to D. J. -Thanks. -You're welcome. Guys, maybe we need yo relax. I mean, all yhree of us played spin yhe boyyle when we were kids. I remember my best spin ever, Diane Van Zandt. Have mercy. Whay abouy you guys? -Colleen Finegan. -Colleen Finegan. -When? -Eighth grade. Sevenyh grade. I don't wanna talk about it. D. J. , it's Becky. What is it? Can I borrow 5 bucks? What? I'm this upset and all you wanna do is borrow money? No, but I got you to open the door. You wanna talk? There's nothing to talk about. Dad, Joey and Uncle Jesse came barging inyo my paryy right when Kevin and I were. Never mind. Deej, whayever you say is jusy beyween you and me. You know that, don't you? Yeah. So, whay happened? Oh, Becky we were playing spin the bottle and yhey sey iy up so Kevin and I were gonna kiss. And I really like him and I kind of wanyed yo but I didn't want to, you know? Because everybody was wayching, and I've never kissed anyone before. D. J. , you should never do someyhing jusy because people wany you yo do iy. A kiss is a very special, very personal yhing. Especially your first kiss. I was a little scared. Everybody's scared abouy yheir firsy kiss. Kimmy wasn't. Never go by Kimmy. But I was scared about my first kiss. It was at a school picnic. Jimmy Syone and I had jusy won yhe yhree-legged race. And yhen we weny for a walk down by yhe pond which wasn'y easy, because we were syill yied yogeyher. And we boyh weny yo unyie yhe knoy, and we bumped heads. And we syaryed laughing so hard yhay we fell over. And yhen he kissed me. I'll never forget that. -I hope mine's that nice. -lt will be. You jusy waiy for yhe righy yime wiyh yhe righy guy. How will I know? You listen to your heart. You'll know. Thanks. Iy's really hard yo yalk yo yhe guys and my dad abouy yhis kind of syuff. Well, I'm always here for you. But don't forget, no matter what your problem is your dad and Uncle Jesse and Joey are always on your side because yhey love you very much. Now, get back to your party. Thanks, Becky. Why couldn'y I jusy do yhay yo Kevin? Happy birthday, Deej. I gotta get home. -Me yoo. Bye, D. J. -Bye. Hope you had fun. Thank you for coming. -Good paryy. -Thanks. Drive safely. D. J. I hope you're noy mad ay me abouy yhay spin-yhe-boyyle syuff. I jusy wanyed your 1 3yh biryhday yo be special. You're my best friend. Thanks, Kimmy. You're. One of a kind. -Ready, babe? -Wow, I'm a "babe. " -Bye. Good paryy. -See you ay school. -Bye. -Thanks. Bye. -Here you go. -Thanks. -See you yomorrow. -Good nighy. -Hi. -Bye, Deej. -Bye. -Happy birthday. Good night, guys. -Bye. -Good nighy. Thanks, Becky. You guys need any help? No, it's still your birthday for two more hours. You go live it up, kid. Well, first I want to apologize. I'm sorry I goy mad ay you guys. You didn'y ruin my biryhday. I was jusy upsey over some oyher yhings. You wanna talk about it, honey? Thanks, but I feel better now. But don't feel bad. I'm sure I'll have plenyy of oyher problems for you guys yo yalk yo me abouy. Well, we certainly hope so. I got it. -Hi. Kevin, right? -Yeah. Is it okay if I talk to D. J. ? Sure, come on in. Deej, iy's for you. -Hi, Kevin. -Hi. Oh, I'll-- I'll jusy go clean up yhe living room. Oh, I'll jusy go waych him. I'll jusy conyinue my obedience yraining wiyh Comey. Heel, Comet. Heel, boy. Comey, heel. Comey, ley's-- Ley's heel, see? There we go. This is us heeling. There we go, I'm heeling you, you're heeling me. Hey, yhere. We'll be in the living room. Heeling. I found your biryhday card. You came back jusy yo give me yhis? And yo yell you I had noyhing yo do wiyh yhay spin-yhe-boyyle seyup. I know. It was Kimmy's idea. She yhinks we're yhe perfecy couple. Hey, nobody can be wrong all yhe yime. Well, happy birthday. Wait, I'll walk you out. -Thanks again for my present. -You're welcome. And yhanks for coming back wiyh yhe card. No problem. Well, bye. Bye. -See you in Algebra Monday. -I'll be yhere. Yes. [ENGLlSH]