Scary Movie

Zack and Cody walk up to the entrance of the Tipton, followed closely behind by Jessica and Janice, their friends, who also twins, from school.

JANICE Zack, that was a nasty fall.

JESSICA Really nasty.

ZACK Please. I did that on purpose. Anyone can land on their feet!

They hand the broken skateboard to doorman Norman.

ZACK Thanks, Norman.

JANICE You're sure you're not in pain?

ZACK I'm fine.

JESSICA Too bad. I was going to kiss it, make it better.

Carey walks out from the entrance, unbeknown to Zack-

ZACK (exaggerating) Arghh! Searing pain!

CAREY (steps in front of the twins) Oh, my poor baby! Let mummy kiss it, make the bo-bo better!

She goes to kiss him, but Zack releases himself.

ZACK I'm fine, I'm fine.

CAREY Oh, OK…so do you still want to go to the movies, movie buddies?

ZACK Yeah, about that…(Cody and Zack take Carey aside) You see, we met Jessica and Janice at the park, and we thought we'd go with them.

CAREY Great! We can all go, just the five us, it'll be fun. (waves at Jessica and Janice)

CODY Or…and I'm just spit balling here, (gestures him and Zack) we could go, then give you a vivid description of what you missed.

CAREY Oh, I get it. You want to be grown ups! Don't worry, you'll barely know I'm there.

Zack and Cody walk down towards the street with Jessica and Janice, but Carey interrupts and takes her boys by the arm.

CAREY Oh, busy street! Hold mummy's hands!



OPENING CREDITS



London comes running over to Maddie who is on duty behind the candy counter in the hotel lobby. London is in her school uniform.

LONDON I can't believe I got detention, again!

MADDIE I can't believe you landed your helicopter on the front steps of the school! The down-draft turned Sister Dominic into an actual flying nun.

Brandon, who delivers the candy, pulls up beside London with his small trolley.

MADDIE [CONT'D] Oh, hey Brandon.

BRANDON 'Sup Maddie.

MADDIE You got the candy delivery?

BRANDON Yeah, but um, the air conditioning in the truck is broken, so everything sort of…(grabs a pile of jelly beans which are stuck together in a circular ball)…stuck together. (places jelly beans on counter) Here's your order of jelly beans.

Maddie nods and takes the ball of jelly beans. As Brandon turns to get the next box, London quickly vents to Maddie.

LONDON He is hot! With a capital "HA".

BRANDON (as he places the boxes on the counter) I can't believe my boss is a millionaire, but he won't spend a dime to fix his own truck. Man, rich people can be really obnoxious.

MADDIE (eyes London) You're telling me.

LONDON I think they're (mis-pronunciation) "Na""-bnoxious too!

MADDIE You? But you're filthy …

LONDON (cutting Maddie off) Poor. (despairingly, to Brandon) …Starvingly, filthy poor.

BRANDON Then, maybe I should take you out for dinner?

LONDON (jots down on his clipboard) Here's my number. (handing it back) Call soon…before they shut off the phone!

BRANDON I will.

Brandon walks off with the trolley as London waves to him and leans back on the candy counter, Maddie laughing.

MADDIE So you're going to pretend to be poor? I bet you'll never pull that off!

LONDON Bet I can!

MADDIE You're on! (they shake hands)

LONDON It'll be easy. I'll just wear bad clothes, ugly shoes and cheap makeup. (pause) Like you!

London skips off towards the elevator, leaving Maddie insulted.

Carey enters her suite room, whistling, and puts her bag down on the table. Her whistling ceases as she comes across Zack and Cody, who are standing at the lounge chair with a stern look and their arms crossed.

ZACK Mom. (indicates seat) Have a seat.

CAREY Am I in trouble?

ZACK Yes.

Carey sits down as Cody takes the opposite side.

CODY Carey. (continues on Carey's look) We know it's difficult to make the transition from doding mother to…ageing cat lady (Carey is insulted), but…

ZACK You're cranking our style, mom! We're not kids anymore; we want a little more freedom.

CAREY OK, OK. I get your point. You're growing up. How about I let you cut your own spaghetti?

CODY Deal!

ZACK Please. Will you let me handle this? We want to go to the movies, at night, with our dates, but without you!

CAREY (hurt) But we're movie buddies.

CODY We had some laughs…but we all knew this wouldn't last forever.

CAREY Well, I can change … I… I'll …

ZACK Please. (puts a finger against Carey's lips) It's not you…it's us. Don't make this harder than it has to be.

CODY We can still be friends!

CAREY (starts to pace) I can't believe my kids are breaking up with me! (pause, Zack and Cody are now at her side) OK, OK. But I'm driving you there and I get to approve the movie.

ZACK Deal!

CODY What about that spaghetti thing? That's piggy-backed onto this, right?

Zack gives his brother a stare.



London comes running from the elevator into the lobby over to Maddie and Mr Moseby.

LONDON Maddie! Do I look poor?

MADDIE Yes...except for the diamond necklace.

LONDON But it's only twenty carrots! OK, fine...(throws her necklace on the floor)

MOSEBY Oh, what is going on here...asks nervously.

MADDIE She has a date with Brandon so she's trying to pass for poor. Oh, wait til' she finds out she has to take the subway! (she and Moseby laugh) ...funny. LONDON The what?

MOSEBY The subway. It's the train that runs underground.

LONDON Oh, stop making up stuff to scare me!

Brandon has entered through the front doors.

BRANDON Oh, hey London, ready to go?

LONDON (running over) Yes! I am poor, and ready.

BRANDON Oh, don't even worry about it. The subway's on me.

LONDON (looks frightened) It's real?



At the cinema, Carey walks in Cody and Zack.

CAREY OK, now you might want to buy a candy bar, so here's another twenty dollars. (hands them some cash)

CODY Thanks, mom.

ZACK Bye, drive safe. (turns...whispers to Cody) Why is she still here?

CAREY To remind you not to see anything inappropriate. Like, Bullet Sandwich, or...(looks at the sign)...Zombie Mom.

CODY Fine, but when you pick us up, no hugging. And no calling us, "my little men".

CAREY Why don't you just rip my heart out?

ZACK I think that's how Zombie Mom ends!

CAREY (as Jessica and Janice walk over) Hi, girls. I'm not here. Just dropped off my little men...(on Cody's look)...oh, I'm sorry, my bad. (walks off)

JESSICA Hi, Zack, hi, Cody.

JANICE Hi, Cody, hi, Zack.

ZACK Hello, ladies. (the girls giggle) We'll get the tickets, you girls get the snacks.

CODY Whatever you want, it's on us. (hands them the cash)

JANICE Thank you. (they start to walk off) American money is so odd.

JESSICA It's really odd...and their queen looks rather man-ish.

CODYCome on, I don't want "Doggy Come Home" to sell out! It got two tails up!

ZACK We are not going to some kiddy movie with two hottest girls in school! If we see Zombie Mom, they'll be so scared, they'll be in our laps.

CODY Oh, good point. Unfortunately, mom told us not to go see a scary movie, so we can't.

ZACK Oh, well mom's not here, so we can! (steps forward to the ticket booth) I'd like four tickets to Zombie Mom, please.

KELLY Zombie Mom, huh...how old are you?

ZACK Well, I don't know. Why don't you ask George Washington? (flashes some money)

KELLY There you go, enjoy the movie. (hands them the tickets)



In the screening, a bang is heard from the screen and Janice hides behind Cody's back. Jessica goes to hide behind Zack's back, but he is too scared himself and pushes her away. Another scary thing happens in the movie, and Zack spills his popcorn everywhere in fright...Jessica hides behind his back.



In Zack and Cody's room, Zack is checking to make sure the window is securely shut. Cody pops in from behind the corner, much to Zack's shock.

CODY I 'gotta say...(Zack flinches)...you were right about going to see Zombie Mom. Although I found the storyline thin, and the blood-sucking scene (???), it scared the snot out of Janice. And she held onto me the whole time...

ZACK Yeah, great flick. (leans to check under his bed) CODY I can tell you liked it by your screaming.

ZACK I was not screaming, I was cheering. Don't you turn out that light!

CODY Or what? You'll "cheer" again.

ZACK I am not scared! (turns off the light) You see, it's just a movie. I know there are no such things as Zombie Mom's.

Carey comes in with green mixture smothered all over her face, Zack flinches and the both of them scream at each other.

CAREY Why are you screaming, I just came in to say goodnight!

Cody turns on the light.

ZACK Why is your face green? And do you have a craving for human flesh?

CAREYIt's a face mask, and do I have a what for what?

CODY Nothing, he said nothing.

CAREY What's got you so freaked out? Did you two go to see that scary movie?

ZACK No!

CODY Absolutely not.

ZACK Aargh, b...but Doggy Come Home had some very intense moments. Like when that pigeon dive-bombed doggy. (shivers)

CAREY It's only a movie. Now, go to sleep!

She switches off the light, and walks out.

CODY (now in his bed) That was close.

ZACK (leans up in bed next to Cody) I'll say! (pause) But we pulled it off, though.

CODY I hope...now get out of my bed, you goof! (kicks him off)



The following morning, Moseby walks through the front doors of the Tipton only to find that it has been blocked off by loaded-up furniture from the lobby.

MOSEBY What, in the world...oh, my...(as he has been trying to get through the furniture, he spills his coffee on his tie) ...oh, it's a new tie! Who, put all this...(walks over to the reception desk; the night manager is asleep) Who put all this...(slaps Skippy awake)

SKIPPY Welcome to the Tipton.

MOSEBY Two questions pop to mind. Number one, why is my night manager asleep at his post? And number two, who barricaded the doors?

SKIPPY Oh, OK...obviously, I don't know the answer to number two, 'cause of the whole number one thing, but, argh...were we talking about number one or number two?

MOSEBY (has a "fit") Never mind...just help me move this stuff. Sparky...

Maddie walks in through the sliding door, and London comes out of the elevator and skips over to her.

LONDON Good morning!

MADDIE What are you doing up? It's not even noon yet.

LONDON Oh, well, I couldn't wait to tell you that I really like Brandon. And our date went great, he never suspected that I was rich. I even dove to the ground for a penny. Did you know they're round?

MADDIE I've heard rumours...

LONDON You know, being poor isn't that tough. I don't know why you're always complaining about it.

MADDIE Aargh, because I don't do it just for two hours then come home and soak in a solid gold tub! (goes over to the candy counter)

LONDON The toilet is gold, the bathtub is platinum.

MADDIE You can't keep this up. Eventually he's going to find out you're rich.

LONDONOh, we'll cross that bridge when daddy buys it. (Brandon walks over with the candy delivery)

BRANDON Oh, hey, what's up, London? Wow, fancy dress...

LONDON Um, these...I argh...made them, at the sweatshop! Where I work...when I'm not working here. Which I am right now...

London puts on Maddie's Tipton vest as she goes behind the counter.

BRANDON Oh, oh...so you're both working today?

MADDIE No, actually...I am off my shift right now. It's all London's! (takes a chocolate bar and walks off)

BRANDON OK...

LONDON (anxiously) Well, nice seeing you, bye!

BRANDON Oh, no, I actually have a lot more stuff for you so I'm 'gonna be in and out of here for a while. Isn't that great?

MADDIE (sitting on a couch) Yes, it is! (takes a bite out of her chocolate bar and grins)



Carey is asleep on the pull-out bed from the couch in her suite, when a knock from the door is heard.

CAREY (still asleep) Come in, Mr. Cloony!

MOSEBY (V/O) (from outside the door) It's not Mr Cloony, it's Mr Moseby!

CAREY Then go away! (covers her face with a pillow)

Moseby walks in using his pass key.

MOSEBY I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need to see your twin hooligans.

CAREY (calling) Hooligans, it's for you!!

Zack and Cody walk out to find Mr Moseby. CODY Mr Moseby...what a pleasant surprise...

MOSEBY You...did it!

ZACK No we didn't!

CODY We didn't do it!

ZACK What didn't we do?

MOSBEY Oh, you two know what you did do, do, did.

CAREY Alright...when you start babbling, it's time for me to step in, what's going on?

Carey puts on her dressing gown and joins in on the conversation.

MOSEBY These two moved all of the lobby furniture and put it in front of the door!

ZACK No, we didn't!

CAREY Don't worry, Mr Moseby, I'll find out the truth. Boys, did you do it?

ZACK / CODY No!

CAREY Pinky swear? (offers her pinky finger)

ZACK / CODY (join pinkies with her) Pinky swear.

CAREY (turning to Moseby) There you have it. (walks to Zack and Cody's side)

Moseby stares at her wide-eyed, miming the "pinky" swear, as if to mock it.

MOSEBY Oh, that proves it. Yeah, because in court, you swear on a stack of pinkies! (walks out)

CODY Moseby isn't a morning person.

ZACKOr afternoon.

CAREY I remember one evening at nine-twelve he was kind of nice.



Zack and Cody walk into their room.

ZACK I can't believe Mr Moseby accused us. We weren't even in the lobby last night.

Zack sits down on his bed, a "ding" is heard. He stands up again.

CODY Did your butt just ding?

Zack unfolds the sheets on his bed over to find a bell.

ZACK Why is the bell from the lobby in my bed?

CODY Oh, you did do it!

ZACK (pacing) I did not! I was in my bed all night. I even remember having this weird dream. I was piling stuff up against the door to keep the zombies ou...oh, I did do it! Aargh, but how did I do it?

CODY You must have been sleepwalking. Because the movie freaked you out.

ZACK It did not freak me out.

CODY Zombie!

ZACK (scared) Where?

Zack screams, and runs over to hide under his bedclothes. Cody stands with his arms crossed, as Zack stands up and walks back over.

ZACK OK, maybe it freaked me out a little bit.

CODY This is bad. If mom sees you sleepwalking, she'll realize we went and saw that scary movie.

ZACK And she'll treat us like kids until our kids have kids.

CODY OK, tonight we'll surround you with noisy booby traps. That way, if you start sleepwalking, you'll wake yourself up. Oh, and one more thing...

ZACK What?

CODY Zombie!

ZACK (scared) Where?

Again, he goes and hides, this time under Cody's bedclothes. Cody laughs.

CODY That never gets old.



Down in the lobby, Maddie is still lying on the couch, reading her magazine...and London is struggling to work the cash register at the candy counter. There is a big line up of people. The tilt hits her in the stomach.

LONDON Oh, I told you to stop that! (dials in some more numbers and it hits her again) Oh! Oh, it's go time.

London throws the cash register onto the ground and starts attacking it. Brandon walks over.

BRANDON London?

London stands up behind the counter with the paper from the register tangled around her body.

LONDON Aargh, just argh...changing the tapey thing...

MADDIE Stick around, Brandon. Next she's going to rattle the ice machine!

LONDON OK, that's it. Happy Halloween! (chucks candy everywhere for the customers) I have to get out of here, I need a break!

BRANDON Oh, cool, 'cause I've got just the thing.

LONDON What is it? A massage, a hot-stone sauna?

BRANDON No, no...I have a coupon for this great place I know. Look, we can split a burger! (shows her a coupon) It's ten minutes by subway.

London does a dramatic fake laugh as she follows Lance to the main area of the lobby.

LONDON (angry) I'm not taking the subway, I'm not splitting a burger, and I'm not paying with a coupon, whatever that is...I want to take my limo to Shero-Chares and have a deck-a-loura with truffles!

BRANDON (unsure what to say) Yeah, I don't think I have a coupon for that though...(Maddie rolls her eyes)

LONDON I don't need a coupon! I'm going to use this little thing called money. (Maddie smirks, and stands to join in on their conversation...)

BRANDON Where are you 'gonna get it?

LONDON I don't get it, I got it, get it? I'm rich, stinkin' rich! I have a stretch limo so long it only goes straight. If I want to turn a corner, I have to change limos!

BRANDON OK, so I'm getting the sense that you're rich?

Maddie is now in between them, and starts pointing at London.

MADDIE (sing-song teasing) I knew you couldn't do it, I knew you couldn't do it!

BRANDON Why did you lie to me?

LONDON Because I liked you. And you said you hated rich people.

BRANDON Yeah, when they're pushy and mean, but...I mean, you're wonderful, so sweet and down-to-earth. (London gasps; touched. Maddie is shocked)

MADDIE OK...either London's a much better actress than I thought (to Brandon) or you're dumber than a wheel of cheese!

BRANDON Dang, Maddie...you're poor and mean.

LONDON (links arms with Brandon) Let's leave her in her bitterness. Have you ever been swimming in a limo?

BRANDON Oh, no, but I would love too!

LONDON Let's go! (they walk towards the exit)

London pokes her tongue out at Maddie.

MADDIE Oh, for all I care you could drown in that limo!

LONDON Oh, like the lifeguard would let that happen.

London and Brandon walk out. Maddie walks over to the candy counter, where the candy is lying everywhere. Moseby walks beside her.

MOSEBY Oh, what's with all the candy? Looks like a piñata threw up.

MADDIE London just tried to take my shift. But she couldn't handle being a "working class"...which means, I was right, and she was wrong! So I win!

MOSEBY So you win!

Maddie starts jumping up and down excitedly, as Moseby goes and grabs the broom and holds it behind his back.

MOSEBY (sarcastic) Oh, that is so wonderful Madeline, I'm so proud of you...here's your trophy. (hands Maddie the broom)

Maddie rolls her eyes, sighs, and turns to start sweeping up the mess left by London.



Zack is in bed, when he suddenly wakes up in a trance-like state...

ZACK Must stop zombies. (he walks through the booby traps carefully) Zombies, must stop zombies...zombies...zombies...(steps on some bubble wrap)...bubble wrap...(steps on it and laughs)...zombies...(continues out the door...)



Zack comes out of the elevator and walks through into the lobby.

ZACK Zombies...zombies...must stop zombies...

As he goes to move some furniture, Mr Moseby pops up from beneath the reception desk.

MOSEBY Haha, caught you red-handed! (approaching Zack) OK, mister, let's have a little talk about this, shall we...yes...you're the one who's putting all the furniture...(Zack continues to walk on)…what, where are you going? Listen to me, I want you to listen me young man. I don't want you putting any more furniture...what are you doing...where were you when I moved out of my parents place!

Cuts back up into Zack and Cody's room – Cody wakes up...

CODY Zack...are you OK, Zack...

Cody gets out of his bed and trips over the booby traps, and ends up rolling himself up in the bubble wrap. Carey wakes up.

CAREY Cody? Cody? Honey...(slips on her slippers and goes into Cody) Honey, are you OK?

Carey walks into the room to find that Cody is wrapped up in the bubble wrap, lying on the floor.

CAREY Cody, what happened?

CODY Aargh...I was going to save you airfare and ship myself to grandmas...(Carey helps Cody up)

CAREY Where's Zack? And what's the bell from the hotel lobby doing in your room?

CODY Sleeping! Sshh!

CAREYIt was Zack who messed up the lobby...and you pinky swore! (runs out)

CODY Mom, wait, come back! (jumps after her)



Down in the lobby, Zack is still moving furniture to barricade the doors. Moseby is trying to stop him.

MOSEBY Now, Zack, stop it!

ZACK Yes, stop zombies...

MOSEBY No, stop redecorating!

Carey comes out of the elevator and stands by Moseby.

MOSEBY Oh, Carey, please, control your son.

CAREY Zack, Zack...

Cody comes hopping out of the elevator, still in his bubble wrap.

CODY Wait, wait...(falls to ground, Carey helps him up) Wow, this stuff is great. I didn't feel a thing!

CAREY (following Zack) Zack, Zachary...what are you doing?

CODY He's sleepwalking.

MOSEBY Oh, sleepwalking, you expect me to believe that? (Zack drops a lamp on his foot)

ZACK Sorry, zombie...

MOSEBY Zombie, what did he call me!

CAREY (to Cody) Zombie, did he say zombie?

CODY No, he said...(turning away)...bombie, kombie, dombie, fombie...argh, I got nothing.

CAREY You went to see Zombie Mom?

CODY No! What would make you think that?

ZACK Must stop Zombie Mom!

CODY Again, I got nothing.

Carey and Moseby run to Zack and put him on a chair.

CAREY Zack...Zack, honey, wake up.

MOSEBY You can't wake him up, I have tried everything.

CAREY (shouts) Zack, I'm making chocolate-chip pancakes!

ZACK (resumes normality) Cool, I'll have twelve! (looking about) Hey...where am I? Why am I in the lobby, in my pyjamas...although, as far as silly outfits go, I come second. (referring to Cody's bubble wrap)

CAREY You were sleepwalking...trying to protect yourself from Zombie Mom's.

ZACK Oh, well that's odd, 'cause we didn't see that movie, did we Cody?

CODY It was Zack's idea!

ZACK Thanks, man.

CAREY I can't believe I gave you the freedom you asked for and then you abused it.

MOSEBY Well, I don't find it hard to believe. (walks off)

CAREY Well, first of all, you are going to put back all of this furniture. And secondly, if you ever disobey me again, you are going to wish you had a Zombie Mom. (corners in on Zack) Remember, that with more freedom comes more responsibility.

ZACK I'm sorry, mom.

CODY Me too. Although, one good thing came out of this.

CAREY What?

CODY (to Zack) Zombie!

ZACK (scared) Where? (screams, and hides under a pillow on a couch)

CODY (laughs) That just keeps getting better and better.



At the cinema, Zack and Cody are sitting with Jessica and Janice watching "Doggy Come Home". Zack yawns, and stretches to puts his hand over Jessica's shoulder, but Carey pops up in the next row...and "clears her throat" at Zack.

CAREY Oh, honey, you've got a butter blob, right there. (goes to wipe it away; Zack resists)

MOVIE VOICE (V/O from screen) Is that doggy? By gum, it is! Here, boy!

Cody gets a tissue and wipes away a tear. He turns to Carey.

CODY Look...doggy came home!

Jessica and Janice hug Cody from either side, Zack rolls his eyes and shrugs...