Massage

This article is a transcript of Beavis and Butt-Head episode, "Massage" from season 8, which aired on December 15, 2011.

Plot
Butt-Head [vo] - Hello, ladies.

Women [vo] - Security!

Mall Security Guard - Every day we go through this. Now, stay out.

Where should we go now, Butt-head? Butt-head? Whoa! The mall rules.

Oh, yeah.

No. C-come back! You!

Come on. Pick up the pace.

Yeah, we're getting bored over here, come on.

Hello.

Oh! Oh, them! Them! Get them! Go! Bad for business!

You're going to have to leave. You do not have the right to block a pedestrian area.

Uh, how come they get to block a "pedestranian" area?

Yeah, really.

Because they are running a business. Now move along.

Now you go! You go to hell!

Damn it. That sucks. What is a "pedestranian" anyway?

I don't know. But it won't matter if we're running a business.

What do you mean?

Beavis, we are going to be massagers.

Oh, yeah.

We're businessmen.

Hey, baby. Would you like to be touched?

You don't like it, you don't pay.

Step right up.

Get one *** massaged, and the other one's free.

And your butt too, yeah.

Three for the price of one. This sucks. How come those guys have chicks lined up and we don't have anybody?

Maybe it's because they're, like, chinese? I think chicks love chinese dudes.

Damn it. It's, like, they should-- Ow!

Damn it, beavis. You broke our chair.

Ow!

Yeah.

It's, like, not the same. It's like, it just reminds me that we almost touched real girls.

Yeah. It just doesn't work anymore.

Yeah. Damn it.

I used to love this mall.

Whoa! Hey, Beavis, look. They're gone. This is our chance. Eh, okay. Act chinese, beavis.

Um, now you go! You go to hell! what hell you doing? That's all the Chinese I know. Oh, wait a minute! Me chinese, me play joke, me put pee-pee in your coke.

That was pretty good, Beavis.

Whoa.

I'm having some upper back pain and on my neck, so if you could just work on that, that would be great.

What the hell you doing? You try and take my business?

Uh, yeah. We wanna be massagers.

Okay, you two now massagers.

Uh, really?

I'm ready. I need to get my circulation going. I got a real bad spell of the gout. Probably that shellfish I ate.

Oh, god.

Get to work!

Uh, let's get out of here.

Hold on. Okay. Did you two have anything to do with taking this guy's tools?

They here with us whole time. New employees! Massage this guy now.

Uh, no thanks.

The police are on their way. Do you work here, yes or no?

Show him! Show him you not thief. You a massager! Massage!

Uh, yeah. We're massagers.

Uh, I'm gonna need you to massage the fluid back up into my torso. Uh, then rub the extremities till they aren't so blue anymore. Now don't mind that smell. That's just the muscle eating the bone. Doctor said he's only heard of it this bad in cattle before. Looks like a table leg got caught in a wood chipper, Don't it?

oh, god.

Well

He does have ***.