The Proton Transmogrification


 * Sheldon: Gentlemen, since Star Wars’ Day is rapidly approaching we should finalize our plans.
 * Penny: That’s a real thing? What is it? Star Wars Christmas?
 * Howard: No, don’t be ridiculous. That’s Wookie Life Day.
 * Penny: So, when is it?
 * Leonard: Uh, well, it’s not May the fifth, and it’s not May the third. It’s May the fourth.
 * Sheldon: Get it?
 * Raj: May the fourth be with you?
 * Leonard: May the force be with you. Get it?
 * Penny: Oh, no. This face wasn’t because I didn’t get it.


 * Sheldon: What are you doing?
 * Leonard: Comforting you?
 * Sheldon: Your heart might be in the right place, but your head, chest and arms certainly aren't.


 * Sheldon: I’ll be at home celebrating Star Wars Day as planned.
 * Amy: Are you sure you don’t want to say goodbye?
 * Sheldon: Amy, mourning the inevitable is a complete waste of time.
 * Amy: And watching a bunch of goofy space movies you've seen hundreds of time isn't?
 * Sheldon: If we were in a physical relationship you just lost sex tonight.


 * Howard: (To Sheldon, who is sitting in his spot with a blank expression on his face) Are you upset or just rebooting?


 * Raj: If you're not in the mood for coffee, I can always make you a Chai Tea-Threepio.
 * Penny: Oh, I get it, like C-3PO... what happened to me?!
 * (later)
 * Sheldon: When Darth Vader struck down Obi-Wan, did Luke cry like a baby and go to his funeral?
 * Penny: No, he blew up the Death Star... why do I know this?!!
 * (later)
 * Raj: Before you go, at least let me pack you some Attack of the Scones for the road.
 * Penny: Oh, like Attack of the Clones... we are leaving right now!!!


 * Amy: Arthur passing away was harder on Sheldon than he’s ready to admit. I’m hoping this will cheer him up.
 * Bernadette: (she is really sad) Me too. Although it might have been thoughtless of us to make a Death Star cake.
 * Amy: No it combines two of Sheldon’s favorite things: Chocolate chips and the ability of destroying a planet with a push of a button.
 * Bernadette: Well, anyway, it’ll be a nice surprise for the boys. And Howie doesn’t think I take his interests seriously, so hopefully this will keep him fooled for a while.
 * Amy: Okay, let’s get the fondant and start decorating.
 * Bernadette: This is pretty cool. You don't see too many spherical cakes.
 * (Cake rolls off the table and hits the floor with a loud splat).
 * Amy: (sarcastically) I wonder why that is


 * Sheldon: Arthur. I thought you were dead.
 * Arthur: I am. It’s fantastic. I mean this is the longest I've gone without running into a men’s room in years.
 * Sheldon: Why are you here?
 * Arthur: I don’t know. I was going to haunt my ex-wife.
 * Sheldon: I know why. You've come to me because you’re my Obi-Wan.
 * Arthur: I’m not…I’m not familiar with that Is that an internet?
 * Sheldon: Wow. You’re dead so I’m gonna let that slide. Obi Wan Kenobi is a character from Star Wars. After his physical demise he comes to Luke Skywalker as his mentor in spirit form.
 * Arthur: Well that clears that up.
 * Sheldon: You must be here to give me advice.
 * Arthur: [Appears in Obi-Wan Kenobi Jedi robes.] Well this…this is weird. Most of my robes open in the back.
 * Sheldon: Those are your Jedi robes.
 * Arthur: Oh wait...what? What…what is this? [Activates light saber.]
 * Sheldon: Oh, be careful with that.
 * Arthur: Whoa. Whoa. Oh, neato. [Waves light saber around.] I’m uh. I’m going to need a Band-Aid.


 * Leonard: Well? What did you think of your first funeral?
 * Penny: Well, I don’t want to be a jerk, but it was a bummer.
 * Leonard: Well, when I go you can rent a bounce house.
 * Penny: You think about dying.
 * Leonard: Well, no I think about if I have any regrets.
 * Penny: What do you regret?
 * Leonard: Um. You know, I didn't travel more, take more risks, learn another language.
 * Penny: You know Klingon.
 * Leonard: That’s true.
 * Penny: I meant that as a regret.
 * Leonard: Just thought of one more.
 * Penny: what’s that?
 * Leonard: I regret not saying yes when you asked me to marry you.
 * Penny: Well, that just wasn't the right time.
 * Leonard: Yeah.
 * Penny: And this is also not the right time to propose.
 * Leonard: What?
 * Penny: I know that face; that’s your propose face.
 * Leonard: I was not going to propose. It’s already two to one.
 * Penny: What two to one?
 * Leonard: I proposed twice, you proposed once. It’s two to one.
 * Penny: Oh my God. It’s not a contest.
 * Leonard: I don’t know what you’re upset about. I’m the one who is losing.
 * Penny: Fine. Would you feel better if I proposed and you could turn me down again?
 * Leonard: I think I would.
 * Penny: OK, Leonard. Will you marry me?
 * Leonard: Hm?
 * Penny: No, don’t you dare. You reject me right now and tie things up.
 * Leonard: It’s such a big decision. I don’t want to have any regrets.


 * Amy: Did you ever watch Professor Proton when you were a kid?
 * Bernadette: No. My dad controlled the TV, so unless someone was a Texas Ranger, Jake or the Fatman, we didn’t see it.
 * Amy: I never watched him, either, but he seems to be the reason that Sheldon got interested in science.
 * Bernadette: Not me. I got into science ’cause I was always the smallest kid in school, so I thought if I became a scientist, I could invent a formula that made me taller.
 * Amy: That’s cute.
 * Bernadette: Yeah. I thought it was working for a while, but then I just found out my brother was lower the pencil marks on the door frame. How about you?
 * Amy: I guess it must have begun back when I was in the girl sprouts.
 * Bernadette: Girl sprouts?
 * Amy: My mom made it up as an alternative to the Girl Scouts. She didn't want me selling cookies on some street corner like a whore.
 * Bernadette: How did that get you into science?
 * Amy: Oh, I went to the library to check out a book on biology to see what whores did.


 * Leonard: On the one hand if I say yes..
 * Penny: It isn't funny anymore. Just say no so we’re done with this. Will you marry me or not?
 * Leonard: Ooh, Interesting. Did you propose to me again?
 * Penny: No.
 * Leonard: Really, because I just hear “Will you marry me?” That’s two proposals in one day. Sounds like someone wants to spend of their life telling people how to spell the name “Hofstadter”.
 * Penny: You know what? Fine. Do whatever you want.
 * Leonard: Hey, Penny, Don’t get upset. Here. I love you, but no. I will not marry you.
 * Penny: Thank you.
 * Leonard: Now about that second proposal. On the one hand…


 * Arthur: Where are we?
 * Sheldon: This is the swampland of Dagobah. It’s where Luke was trained in the ways of the Jedi.
 * Arthur: Oh, too bad. I thought it was Florida.
 * Sheldon: When Obi-Wan came to Luke on this very spot he gave him all sorts of helpful advice. So, um, what have you got for me?
 * Arthur: Um, always get a pre-nupt.
 * Sheldon: That’s it? I thought there would be more of a reason why you are here.
 * Arthur: Why do you think I’m here?
 * Sheldon: I suppose it has something to do with your recent passing.
 * Arthur: Is this the first time you lost someone close to you?
 * Sheldon: Oh no, no. I already had to say good-bye to eleven Doctor Who’s.
 * Arthur: Yeah, I out lived a few of my doctors, too.
 * Sheldon: Of course my grandfather died when I was five and my father died when I was fourteen.
 * Arthur: I’m sorry about that.
 * Sheldon: And now you’re gone too. It’s like all the men I've looked up to have gone away.
 * Arthur: You know it’s all right to be sad about it, but just make sure appreciate those who are still there for you.
 * Sheldon: But I do appreciate them.
 * Arthur: Well then what am I doing in the swamp dressed like Friar Tuck? Appreciate them Sheldon.


 * [The ending apartment 4A scene where all four guys are falling asleep in front of the TV in the sitting room while the girl trio is nowhere to be seen, Leonard and Howard are sleeping grumpily for a second, Sheldon struggles to get to sleep as he is thinking for one second. The ghost of Professor Proton enters Sheldon's spot on the couch, Sheldon opens his eyes and looks up at Professor Proton's ghostly frown for one second. Sheldon now speaks.].
 * Sheldon: You’re back.
 * Arthur: Yeah, apparently I’m here whenever you need me.
 * Sheldon: That’s nice.
 * Arthur: Maybe for you.
 * Sheldon: Well why do I need you now?
 * Arthur: Well as near as I can tell you fell asleep watching Star Wars and now you’re dreaming you’re watching Star Wars.
 * Sheldon: So?
 * Arthur: Don’t you see a problem there? I mean how you’re spending your limited time on earth.
 * Sheldon: Not at all.
 * Arthur: OK. Good luck to you.
 * [The ghostly Professor Proton walks out of shot and Sheldon has a one second gaze at the apartment]


 * Howard': Boy, some of the physical comedy with Jar Jar is a little tough to watch.
 * Leonard: At least they toned him down in the second one.
 * Penny: Yeah, he is pretty stupid.
 * :Raj: Hey, we can say it. You can’t.
 * Amy: Hey guys.
 * Bernadette: Happy star wars day. [Walks inside the with the Death Star cake]
 * Sheldon: Wow! A death star cake.
 * Amy: Yeah, we were hoping it might cheer you up.
 * Bernadette: And even though we had to miss the movies, we can still be part of the fun.
 * Howard: You didn't miss anything, we just started over.
 * Bernadette: (whispers to Amy crossly) Son of a bitch.