Quarantined

Donald: Guys, I need to prep you for a very important mission, and to demonstrate, Leo--

Leo: Anh-Danh. Mission Specialist Dooley. Will be adding a little more audio-visual “pizzazzle” to the usual snooze-fest. Hey, you want a show? Kick in the dough.

Donald: Tonight I’m sending you to gather intelligence.

Chase: Oh, you hear that, Adam? You’d better bring a big basket.

Donald: Leo. I was satellite-scouting industrial sites when I found this warehouse that I think is a front for environmental criminals. See these barrels? They’re full of toxic chemicals. They’re expensive to dispose of properly, so they’re probably just gonna dump them into the sea.

Leo: Which could harm ocean life and obliterate the coastline.

( Bree laughing )

Bree: Owen, you are so sweet. Yes, I will “Bree” your valentine. See, he took my name and--

Chase: Yeah, we got it.

Adam: Even I got it. I didn’t get it.

Donald: What is going on?

Adam: She’s talking to Owen again.

Chase: He’s an artist, and he claims that Bree is his muse.

Donald: Well, I for one, am not a-mused.

( plays "Wah-wah-wah" tone )

Donald: Gimme that! And you, off the phone!

Bree: Ugh! Fine. Just tell us what you invented, what went wrong, and how long till it blows up.

Donald: Look, the police cannot bust these guys without evidence, so I need you to sneak in there and gather samples. Show ‘em the barrel. Now, there’s only one safe way to get the samples, and Leo…

Leo: Ahem.

Donald: Sorry. Mission Specialist Dooley will demonstrate. First, take the canister and attach it to the spout. Push down and turn 45 degrees…

( growling with exertion )

Donald: ...to create an airtight seal. Then pull the handle.

( Bree laughing )

Bree: LOL, Owen!

Donald: Bree!

Bree: Come on! Why do I have to pay attention all the time? Strong. Smart. Fast. Let’s just do this already.

Donald: Bree, how many times have I told you? No texting while super speeding!

. ..

Adam: You know, for a shady warehouse, this place has a fantastic vending machine.

Chase: Where is Bree? If Mr. Davenport finds out she’s late for a mission, she’s gonna be in big trouble.

( text indicator beeps )

Adam: Oh, she just texted me. She’s with Owen. I love this game! I’m… with… Chase.

Chase: Man. It’s gonna take forever to get these samples without Bree’s help. Now, put your gloves on and grab a canister.

Bree: Hey, guys. Guess what.

Adam: You had a collision with a poodle on a tricycle who works at a paint store.

Bree: No. Owen made this for me. He says the tire tracks represent how we’re all wheels in society’s machine. Okay, whatever. I don’t get it either, but the important thing is that he made it for me.

Chase: Hey, hey, this is serious. You’re late, and you’re not even in your mission suit.

Adam: Yeah! How are we supposed to know you’re even on our team?

Bree: Can we just hurry up? Give me your gloves, stand guard, and get out of my way.

Chase: Mm. Bossy.

Bree: “Hey, Bree, what’d you do this weekend?” “Oh, nothing. Just collected smelly chemicals with my stupid brothers. It was super fun.”

( text indicator beeps )

Bree: That’s Owen! Aww! He said hi!

( coughing )

Bree: There. Done. All right. I’m going back to Owen. He’s gonna go paint a portrait of me.

Adam: Ooh, really? It’s gonna hurt when he rides his bike all over your face.

Bree: Later, losers.

Chase: Bree, don’t run that way or you’ll…

( Klaxon blares )

Chase: ...set off the security alarm. Quick! We gotta get outta here! Forget it! Let’s go!

. ..

Donald: Wake up! I want a complete debriefing of what went wrong last night without any giggling when I use the word, “debriefing."

( laughing )

Donald: Guys, you failed the mission. What happened?

( Klaxon blares )

Donald: Get back in your capsule! Get back in! The system is detecting a high level of contamination in Bree’s capsule.

Bree: What? That’s ridiculous. How could my capsule be…? Ohh.

Chase: Ohh, what? What is “Ohh”?

Adam: Duh! “O’s” the second letter in the number 10.

( snickers )

Donald: Bree, is it possible you were exposed to something toxic on the mission?

Leo: Oh, it certainly was. According to this, Bree’s mission suit never left her capsule last night.

( synthesized voice ) 

''♪ Buh-buh-buh busted! ♪''

Donald: Why weren’t you wearing your mission suit?

Chase: Oh, I’ll tell you why. Because she was out with Owen. She showed up late, contaminated herself, and then set off the alarm.

Bree: And you wonder why no one at school likes you.

Donald: Until I figure out exactly what you were exposed to, the capsule should counteract the effects of your contamination, but you are quarantined until further notice.

Bree: Quarantined? But Owen’s having a big art show at school tonight!

Donald: You are not leaving that capsule until Adam and Chase get back in that warehouse and figure out exactly what you were exposed to.

Adam: Besides Owen’s bad art?

Chase: Great. Now that we’ve set off the alarm, getting past security’s gonna be even harder. How are we gonna get in?

Donald: The same way I’m standing right here, and you can’t see me!

Leo: How’d you do that?

Adam: ( gasps ) He’s a witch!

Donald: It’s my new spatial micro-projection technology.

Adam: Dude, I know witchcraft, and you’re a witch.

Donald: No, I’m not! This device scans your environment and uses a matrix of light projections to create a virtual environment you can hide behind! Tah-dah! I invented it as a 3-D modeling engine for space telescopes.

Adam: Aha! So he’s a space witch! Those are the worst kind.

. ..

Chase: Distract the guard for a second so I can scan and project the room’s image.

Adam: How?

Chase: I don’t know. Throw something in the trash can to make a noise so he’ll look the other way. Adam, not a chair! Something small! Really?

Adam: I’m just kidding. About throwing you, not about you being small. Ha!

( clatter )

Guard: What’s that? Who’s there? I’ve got pepper spray! Make that breath spray!

Adam: This is so cool. He can’t even see us.

( gasping )

Guard: It is pepper spray! Aaahhh!

. ..

Chase: Foxtrot alpha pickle. Are you receiving audio, Mr. Davenport?

Donald: Copy that, Pickle. Okay, Bree said the dangerous chemical she was exposed to came from a barrel with a green label on it.

Chase: Copy that. We’re looking for a green label.

Adam: Yeah, Bree’s not gonna make it.

Chase: Wait a second. Bree said she wasn’t wearing her gloves when she got contaminated. I’ve got her fingerprints stored in my database. I’ll use my print recognition app to get a match. Yes! I found it. It’s called neurothroxin. Is that bad?

Donald: Aaahhh!

Chase: So, bad, then?

Donald: It’s terrible! Exposure to neurothroxin interrupts the connection between the brain and the muscles. There is no telling what it’ll do to her bionics.

Chase: So what do we do?

Donald: Well, I can synthesize an antidote, but you have to get me a sample, and the effects become permanent after 24 hours, so hurry up!

Chase: Dude, I think the battery just died.

Adam: Oh, gimme that. Ohhh! Ohhh! I’m blinded!

Guard: Freeze! Break-in in warehouse five! Unauthorized scuba divers!

Donald: Oh, boy.

Chase: Adam, the guard’s gonna catch us! Hit him with your super strength.

Adam: But I can’t see!

Chase: I’ll tell you when to swing. Now!

Adam: Did I get him?

Chase: Adam, be careful, the floor is covered in ice.

Adam: What do I do?

Chase: Run! The other way!

. ..

Donald: Ah, Leo, I need help.

Leo: I know, but this is not a one-man job. I’m gonna have to bring in a life coach.

Donald: I have to go rescue Adam and Chase. Keep Bree in her capsule. Don’t let her out, or the effects of her contamination will manifest.

Leo: Go on your mission, Big D. I got this.

. ..

( Klaxon blares )

Leo: I had this.

( Klaxon blares )

. ..

Bree: Wow, Owen, so that whole mask is made out of video game controllers?

Owen: Yep. I call it “Mask Made Of Video Game Controllers.” It’s about fate and how true control is a masquerade. It also scares the heck out of my mom.

Leo: Bree, we’ve gotta--aaahhh! Hey, I need to talk to Bree. Can you go put your face on pause somewhere?

Owen: In life, as in art, there is no pause, only moving forward.

Leo: Can you move forward down the stairs? That’s the guy you snuck out for? Really? You’ve had your fun. Big D needs you to stay in your capsule. Let’s go.

Bree: Leo, he is overreacting. I am perfectly fine. See? Haven’t had one single side effect.

( chuckles )

Bree: That’s-- that’s nothing. See? I am trying to come off casual so Owen but doesn’t sense how desperate I am.

Leo: It’s not working.

Bree: Uh. I’m good. ( chuckles )

All: Ohh!

Bree: See? That is performance art. I call it “Falling Uncontrollably Down The Stairs.”

. ..

Chase: Can you see anything yet?

Adam: Nope, but you still sound short.

Guard: So, who told you that we were dumping chemicals into the ocean tonight?

Chase: It was only a hunch until you just confirmed it.

Guard: Oh, did I?

Chase: Yeah, you did.

Guard: Oh, did I?

Chase: Yes, you did.

Guard: Okay, I guess I did.

Adam: Ha! That guard’s an idiot.

Chase: I’m over here.

Adam: Ohh.

( device whirring )

Donald: You there! Release them! They’re coming with me!

Guard: Who are you?

Donald: The boss sent me in. They call me… the in-terror-gator!

( sinister laughter )

Donald: When I ask questions, I. Get. Answers! All right, you two, you’re coming with me.

Chase: Not without a fight.

Donald: Settle down, punk! It’s me, Davenport! Just follow my lead!

Adam: Oh, that hurts! Hey, I can see! You liar! You’re not Davenport!

Donald: Hello.

( gasps )

Adam: I told you he’s a witch!

Donald: I’m not a witch! I was wearing a cyber mask!

Guard: Stop them!

( gas hissing )

( all coughing )

Donald: Why do I even bother with safety briefs?

Adam: ( laughing ) Underwear!

Chase: Run!

. ..

Leo: Bree, Davenport’s gonna freak out. We have to go.

Bree: Leo, I can’t even stand up. Everything is numb. Look! Just help me get out of here before it gets "worth." It’s "worth!"

Leo: What’s happening?

Bree: ( lisping ) The numbness spread to my tongue! I can’t talk!

Leo: Finally, a positive side effect.

Bree: Leo!

Leo: Let’s get you up. Here we go. Here we go.

( coughing )

Leo: Okay. Once we get outside, I’ll upgrade you to a nice shopping cart. How’s that?

Owen: Bree! There you are. I’m about to unveil the centerpiece of my exhibit. Are you okay?

Leo: Oh, yeah, yeah. She’s fine. Your art is just so good, she’s getting… emotional.

Bree: ( lisping ) That’s good, Leo, that’s good.

Owen: Come on. I’ve been waiting all night to show you this. I wasn’t kidding when I said that you were my muse. You’ve inspired me to create my most deeply meaningful piece yet. I call it “My Most Deeply Meaningful Piece Yet.”

Leo: Whoa. That’s not totally horrible. What is it?

Owen: It’s paintball art: two thousand paintballs fired at precise accuracy to create a portrait of your sister. It’s about beauty, inspiring mankind to repurpose the tools of pseudo-violence as art. So, what do you think, Bree? Bree?

( indistinct, thick-tongued response )

Leo: She had the same reaction to the Mona Lisa. Well, we have to go.

Bree: Unh-unh.

Leo: Uh-huh.

Bree: Unh-unh.

Leo: Uh-huh!

Bree: Mnh-mnh!

Leo: Uh-huh!

Bree: Aah!

( Bree gasping )

Leo: Yeah, that’s enough, that’s enough. Come on.

Leo: We’ll take it!

Bree: Bye, Owen!

. ..

Leo: Okay, let’s just get you back in your capsule before we both get in a lot of trouble.

( comical shriek )

Leo: Cleanup, aisle Bree.

Donald: Leo, you were supposed to watch her!

Leo: Oh, I’m sorry. Somehow the fastest person in the world managed to sneak past me.

Donald: Let’s hope there’s enough time left for the antidote to work.

Chase: Bree, are you okay?

( groans )

Bree: I feel funny. Funny. Fun-nay. Funny… funny…

Adam: Oh, just spit it out already!

Bree: I’m cured!

Donald: Oh! This is such a relief! It’ll be so much more enjoyable to punish you now that you’re healthy! What were you thinking? You could have put us all in danger!

Bree: Sorry. I just wanted to be like every other girl and hang out with the boy that I like. What’s the big deal?

Donald: The big deal is you’re not like every other girl. You’re part of a team, and your decisions affect us all.

Leo: Yeah. Because of you, I had to go to an art show.

Adam: Yeah! And I haven’t eaten since 2:30!

Chase: Also, on a lesser note, we all could have been killed!

Donald: Look, you can have a social life. Just don’t let it interfere with your bionic life.

Bree: I get it. From now on when a mission comes up, it gets my full attention.

Donald: Okay, well, I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson, so let’s just go get something to eat. Waddya say? All right?

( groans )

Donald: Oh. Forgot to mention, might take a little while for the antidote to get to the rest of her body, so everybody grab a limb. One of her limbs, Adam. Thank you.

. ..

Bree: And even after all of that, he still wants to hang out with me!

Chase: I don’t care!

Donald: Well, even though you failed your mission, the cops heard the alarms and picked up those eco villains, so the ocean is safe thanks to all of… me, actually.

Chase: Well, I guess we got lucky.

Bree: Luck. Skill. I say we just put this whole thing behind us.

Donald: ( chuckling ) Or-- I could punish you for all the stupid things you did by making you sweep the lab.

( sinister laugh )

Adam: Guys, come on! How can you not see he’s a witch!