Dino Checks Out

Don Reynolds
 * What can you say about a guy like Dino? He was a mean, bitter, selfish, arrogant, back-stabbing... A nasty human being! But Dino had another side, too... He was also a sniveling coward.

Candy
 * Dino and I had two really great years together, and then we got married.

Lawyer (going over Dino Spamoni's will)
 * "My house and money will all go to my most recent ex-wife Candy."

Candy
 * YESSSSS!

Jimmy
 * Can we go home now?

Candy
 * IN A MINUTE!

Executor (Reading Dino Spumoni's Will)
 * "And I leave my extensive collection of paintings to be equally divided among my five ex-wives-except Bunny, who gets jack-squat."

Bunny
 * Aw, nuts! Take me home, Chooch!

Arnold
 * Maybe it's... rats?

Grandpa
 * Rats? There's no rats in the boarding house. 'Cept Oskar.

Oskar
 * That's right. There's no ra— Hey!

Mr. Hyunh
 * The ghost of Dino is angry. We must offer him a big fish to make him not so angry. His stomach will be full and then he will go away.

Ernie:
 * That's the stupidest idea I ever heard. Let's do it.

Arnold
 * I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but the truth is Dino's not really a ghost.

Grandpa
 * Oh, I know.

Arnold
 * You know?

Grandpa
 * Course I know. I may be feeble-minded, but I'm not stupid.

Arnold
 * How did you know?

Grandpa
 * Ghosts don't take showers.

Arnold
 * Oh.

Grandpa
 * They take baths! (chuckles)

Grandpa
 * Y'know, for a nine-year-old, you sure like to take the weight of the world on your shoulders. You oughta be out playing with your little friends. Why don't you go out and play some stickball or go see a movie?

Arnold
 * Grandpa, it's two o'clock in the morning.

Grandpa
 * There's always a downside with you, isn't there?

Ernie
 * Hey, Oskar, he's not dead! I want my two bucks back!

Dino
 * Well, youse all came to see a show. Seein' as how I just K.O.'d da headliner, maybe I can fill in. I mean, uh, I may not be DIno-Mania, but I'm an incredible simulation.