The Robotic Manipulation


 * (Penny has just found out about Sheldon and Amy)
 * Penny: OK, well, what do you communicate about?
 * Sheldon: Well, my work in Physics, her work in Neurobiology and, most recently, the possibility of our having a child together.
 * (This shocks the others along with Penny, who sprays her drink everywhere. Howard controls the robot hand to give her a napkin.)
 * Penny: (cough) Thank You.
 * Leonard (To Sheldon): Wait a minute, a child? You never see this girl, you just email and text and twitter, now you're considering having a baby.
 * Sheldon: Amy pointed out, that between the two of us, our genetic material, has the potential of producing the first, in a line of intellectually, superior, benign overlords, to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow.
 * Howard (To Raj): I'm guessing that future historians will condemn us, for not taking this opportunity to kill Sheldon.


 * (Penny is driving Amy and Sheldon to the restaurant for their date. All three are in an awkward silence.)
 * Penny (coughs a bit): So, um, Amy, Sheldon tells me you're a Neuro... something or other?
 * Amy: Neurobiologist. Your "check engine" light is on.
 * Penny (a bit annoyed): Yeah, it's OK.
 * Amy: But the light indicates...
 * Sheldon: Don't bother. I've wasted many an hour tilting at that particular windmill.
 * Penny (To Amy): Uh, what is that scent you're wearing? It smells great.
 * Amy: Dandruff Shampoo. (To Sheldon) I have dry scalp.
 * Penny: Ah, well your hair looks very nice.
 * Amy: Are you a homosexual?
 * Penny: No, No, I'm just, giving you a compliment.
 * Amy: Hm. Would have been more flattered if you were a homosexual.
 * Penny: Guys, how about some music?
 * Sheldon: Oh, I wouldn't care for that, Amy?
 * Amy: No, thank you.
 * Penny: OK. Uncomfortable silence it is. (After a short silence, Penny decides to speak) Hey, Sheldon, have you told Amy what it was like for you growing up in Texas?
 * Sheldon: No.
 * Penny: Well, why don't you tell her?
 * Sheldon: Alright. (To Amy) It was hell.
 * Penny: Any follow up, Amy?
 * Amy: No.
 * Penny: (tut) I, myself, grew up in Nebraska. Small town, outside of Omaha. Yeah, a nice place, mostly family farms, a few meth labs.
 * Sheldon: I'm sorry, how is this better than uncomfortable silence?
 * Penny: I don't know, I was just trying something.
 * Sheldon (To Amy): Muggles.


 * (Howard is in his bedroom, using the robot hand to massage himself.)
 * Howard: Oh, god that feels so good. Yeah, that's the spot, oh baby.
 * (Mrs. Wolowitz is shouting from the kitchen.)
 * Mrs. Wolowitz: HOWARD, DINNER'S READY!
 * Howard (To his mother): I'll eat later, I'M BUSY! (To the robot hand) Oh, yeah, just like a real hand.
 * (Howard suddenly realizes that he could use the hand for masturbation. He looks at it suspiciously.)
 * Howard: Hm?


 * (Leonard and Raj are at Leonard's apartment, looking through their comic books.)
 * Raj: You know, there's something that I've always wondered about Aquaman.
 * Leonard: Yeah?
 * Raj: Where does he poop?
 * Leonard (confused): What?
 * Raj: What would a toilet look like in Atlantis? How would you flush it? Oh, and when you did flush it; where would the poop go?
 * (Leonard's phone starts ringing.)
 * Leonard (To Raj): Hold that thought.
 * (Leonard sees that it is Howard calling.)
 * Leonard (To phone): Hey, Howard. What's up? Wait, slow down. I can't understand you. What? The robot hand is stuck on your what? (To Raj) You are not gonna believe this.


 * (It turns out that while using the robot hand for masturbating, the hand got stuck on Howard's penis and he called Leonard and Raj to come and help him and lied to them by saying he slipped and fell. Raj and Leonard are staring at him while he has a blanket over his stuck penis.)
 * Raj: You slipped and fell into a robot hand?
 * Howard (embarrassed): Yes.
 * Raj: Penis first?
 * Howard: Yes, now help me!
 * Leonard: I'd suggest a lubricant, but I have a feeling you fell on some of that as well.
 * (Both Leonard and Raj smirk.)
 * Howard: Not funny, Leonard.
 * Raj: Really? A robot hand's got a death grip on your junk, dude. That's funny, ask anyone.
 * (Leonard and Raj laugh.)
 * Howard: Please, before my mother walks in, g..., get this off me!
 * Leonard: OK, let's see.
 * (Leonard is about to touch the computer, when Howard stops him.)
 * Howard: No, No, don't touch, the program is paused!
 * Leonard: A, w..., w..., then..., let's unpause it?
 * Howard: No, No, I loaded the wrong program; the hand thinks it's holding a screwdriver in outer-space, if you continue the program, it's gonna start, twisting.
 * Raj: Oh, all, alright, um, oh, how, how about this, when, when, Winnie-the-Pooh, got his head stuck in the honey tree, his friends all grabbed onto him and pulled and pulled.
 * (Howard gives Raj a dirty look.)
 * Leonard (To Raj): You do whatever you want, I'm not touching another man's honey tree.
 * Raj: (sigh), Alright, uh, forget pulling, uh, how about we get an electric saw and cut it off?
 * Howard: What! No saws! One circumcision was enough.
 * Leonard: How about an acetylene torch?
 * Howard (Frustrated sigh): OK, I can't believe this needs to said out loud. No pulling, no saws, no torches.
 * Leonard: Well then, what do you want us to do?
 * Howard: I...
 * (Mrs. Wolowitz is shouting from the kitchen again and interrupts Howard.)
 * Mrs. Wolowitz: HOWARD, I MADE COOKIES FOR YOU AND YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS!
 * Howard: THAT'S GREAT, MOM! THANKS!
 * Mrs. Wolowitz: I'LL BRING THEM UP WITH SOME HAWAIIAN PUNCH!
 * Howard: DON'T COME UP HERE!
 * Mrs. Wolowitz: WHY NOT?! ARE YOU ASHAMED OF YOUR MOTHER?!
 * Howard (To his mother): YES, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! (To Raj and Leonard in a panicked tone) Get me out of here!
 * Leonard: Oh, y...y... you have, any ideas, Raj?
 * Raj: Right now, all I can think about is cookies and Hawaiian punch.
 * (Howard looks frustrated at Raj.)


 * (Leonard and Raj have taken Howard to the hospital, with Leonard carrying the computer and the robot hand still attached to Howard's penis.)
 * Leonard (To Howard): OK, come on, almost there.
 * Howard (To Raj): Don't tug, no tugging.
 * Raj: Next time, take your own advice.
 * Leonard (To Althea the nurse): Excuse me, could you help us out?
 * (Althea looks up and is amused at what she sees.)
 * Althea: My, My, My, what do we have here?
 * Howard (To Althea): I slipped and fell.
 * Althea: Yeah, we get that a lot.
 * (She looks under the blanket.)
 * Althea: What is this?
 * Howard: It's, a, robot arm.
 * Althea: Where's the rest of the robot?
 * Howard: I only built the arm.
 * Althea (snickers): 'Cause that's all you needed, right?
 * (Leonard and Raj laugh at this remark.)
 * Howard: CAN YOU PLEASE, just, help me?!
 * Althea: Alright, alright, hang on, stay calm. (Over the intercom phone) I need an orderly with a wheelchair, I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here.
 * (Everyone turns and stares at Howard, who is embarrassed and frustrated.)
 * Howard (To Althea): You think you could be a little more discrete?!
 * Althea (To Howard): I'm sorry, we don't have a code for a robot hand grasping a man's penis. (To Leonard) Why is it hooked up to a computer?
 * Leonard (To Althea): Uh, it's what controls the arm.
 * Howard (To Althea): But it's frozen.
 * Althea: Did you try turning it off and back on again?
 * Howard: No, you see, it's more complicated than that...
 * (Althea turns the computer off.)
 * Howard: NO, WAIT!
 * (The robot hand turns off, and lets go of Howard's penis. Howard looks down at it.)
 * Howard (To the guys): Winnie-the-Pooh is out of the honey tree!
 * (Chuckles excitedly.)
 * Raj: Now, can we have cookies and Hawaiian punch?


 * Leonard: (on the phone) Howard, slow down. What do you mean it happened again?