Ricky Spanish

Good morning, USA! I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day The sun in the sky has a smile on his face And he's shining a salute to the American race Oh, boy, it's swell to say Good Good morning, USA Aah! Good morning, USA! What's wrong, Roger? Something ate holes in all my sweaters! They're ruined! Gracious Some of my best costumes are sweater-based. How am I supposed to be Japanese subway molester Shinju Omigawa without his baby blue cardigan?! That's the culprit, right there! Step on him, Steve! I don't want to mess up my shoes. We can't kill it. That caterpillar is going to change into a beautiful butterfly. It's ugly and disgusting, like Frankie Muniz! And it's just going to become a moth and stay ugly and disgusting like Frankie Muniz. Big Clippers fan. Things can change for the better, Roger. And I'm going to prove it. This little guy will be a butterfly. You'll see. First of all, those jars are for farts only. Second, I What is that? Oh, no I always put gross stuff in trash bags in the back of the closet and then forget about them. Who knows what's in there! Oh, man, this is gonna be gross. Why don't you just dump it out? Oh, man, here it comes. It's gonna be Wait, what's this? It's a costume! And it's lovely! Leather vest, non-matching leather pants, Albuquerque Zoo Discovery Center T-shirt Why did I ever stop wearing this? Well, what character is it for? I can't remember. Well, who cares?! I'm taking this show into town. This is the perfect outfit for getting yogurt! I'm gonna get so many tiny M&Ms! Get out of there, Snickers fragment, you're not welcome here! I got it! You opened it last time! Cup check! Punk. Ooh, Mr. and Mrs. Stan and Francine Smith? Mm-hmm. Aah! Can we help you? It's me Tungee! Who? Tungee from Nigeria! I was the child you sponsored for just the price of a cup of coffee a day! Oh, my god! Tungee? You're real? What are you doing here? I come to live with you! Wait, does this mean Africa is real? Damn, I look good in this! Tilda Swinton good. That's him! Son of a bitch! You got some nerve showing your face around here, Ricky Spanish! Bitch slap, slappity-slap! Ricky Spanish? Who Ricky Spanish Ricky Spanish? Where? It's Ricky Spanish! Get him! Get him! Steve, you gotta bring me a change of clothes! Not a good time. I'm pleating my intimates. You don't understand! The costume I found it's Ricky Spanish! It's Ricky Spanish! Ugh, yes! Get Ricky Spanish! He's the only one this angry mob should be after! This is wonderful! I am actually eating enough food to produce a poop! So Tungee, what made you decide to come find us? Your letters. Dear Tungee, we think about you every day. We wish we could give you a roof over your head and t-shirts from the teams that actually won the Super Bowl. Yours always, Stan and Francine Smith. Why would you write that? I didn't think he'd live past ten. Oh, Tungee. We're glad you're here but How long you plan on staying? You said a short time, right, Tunj? Yes, yes, I will stay forever! Is there any chance you're gonna surprise us and be the prince of Zamunda? None! Show your face, Ricky Spanish! Okay, I'm at the alley whe we rolled dice on Paula Abdul's dead body. Gimme the clothes, gimme! We gotta get out of here! What's going on, Roger? Who is Ricky Spanish? The worst persona I've ever done. Oh, come on. It's true. He's a lying, thieving sociopath. There's hardly a person in this town who he hasn't stolen from, cheated or worse Everyone hates Ricky Spanish. Ricky Spanish Come on! Wow. Sounds like Ricky Spanish Ricky Spanish really is your worst persona ever. Keep your voice down! These people will kill me if they find out I'm Ricky Spanish Eh! Wait, you're burning up Ricky Spanish? Ricky Spanish I have no choice. I love being Ricky. I mean, the outfit alone But everyone around here hates him. That's the downside of living in a small town. Everyone is in everybody's business. God, I want to move to New York. But I'm scared, ya know? It seems like something you do if you have no money or a lot of money and I'm sort of in between. You can still be Ricky. Just make him a better person, then people will like him. Ricky can't be redeemed, Steve. I don't believe that. Everyone can change for the better. This guy's going to do it and so can Ricky. Ricky Spanish You you really think I can change? Bitch, what did I just say? Come on, I'll help you make amends with every person you've wronged. Okay. Let's do it! Awesome! This is gonna be great! And I guarantee you, everyone you wronged will forgive you. Kill. You. Ricky. Spanish. Kill. You. Ricky Spanish. This exercising to things you hate is really working! Jean. Jackets. Timothy's. Bangs. Jean. Jackets. Timothy's bangs. Carol, I robbed. Eduardo, I stabbed. Tina, I taught how to kiss. Gave her some bad information, never corrected it. She's out there darting her tongue like this. Well, get ready, 'cause we're gonna make amends with everyone on that list until Ricky Spanish is redeemed. Okay, who's first? Brian? It's me, Ri Damn you, Ricky Spanish! He's here to apologize! Geez! What did Ricky do to you, anyway? Tijuana! He did Tijuana to me! Oh, we were having ourselves a fine old time, down Mexico way. Oh, I can take care of you. Then, out of the blue, Ricky jumped me and left me stranded! With no I. D., I was stuck in TJ for six months! I had to work as the squeegee boy at a donkey show. Every night, watching a different girl sleep with the donkey I loved. Brian, I'm so sorry. I was a bad guy, but I'm trying to change! Aw, hell, Ricky. I can't stay mad at you! I'm on way too many anti-psychotics! Yeah! Steve Smith! Ricky Spanish! We're doing cocaine and shooting guns! Join us! I just met this woman, but I'm already really into it! Avery, I'm here to apologize for for killing your wife. Killing my wife?! When? You seriously don't remember? Hey, man It was her birthday and you know how I am when I drink champagne Oh, yes, I seem to recall something like that. So you're not mad at me? Why should I be? As you can see, everything in my life is going perfectly. This is really working, Steve! They forgave me, and I feel great! See? I told you anyone can change for the better. Okay, next up is Daniel. Daniel?! I can't face Daniel! What I did to him was too horrible! Skip down! Skip down to someone else! No, forget it. Let's start a business. We'll buy a truck and do pedicures in it. We'll call it "Nail Salon Wheels Truck," I don't know! Wait, who's Daniel? We worked together at Plantain Republic. He told me about a huge sweater shipment and we stole it. But the heist went bad and I pinned the whole thing on him. He's been in jail ever since. I can't do this anymore! I feel constricted! I can't breathe! That's just the cocoon you feel around you, Roger. You're changing into something better, like this little guy. You think? Yes! I know it's not easy, but you have to stick it out. It's like Saturday Night Live. The opening sketch stinks, the monologue is awful, but then Keenan does "What up with that?" and it's all worth it. Okay Okay I'll face Daniel right after I finish huffing whatever's in this bag. This water is wonderful! And there is not one parasite swimming up my urethra! I love this place! Ugh! He's so positive and grateful about everything. Yeah, I'm having a hard time taking things for granted with this kid in the house. We gotta ditch him. Hey, Tungee! Want to run an errand with Mama and Papa? An errand? An errand? Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! What is this errand?! Yes! Are you sure we can just leave him here? He'll be fine. He can live off free food samples, watch HD television and look at the high ceiling he can grow as tall as he wants in here. Okay, let's just get this over with. Tungee, go get us a pair of really rough dungarees and a ten-pack of snow tires. I will do it, Mr. and Lady Smith. Hey, how did you get Daniel out so fast anyway? Let's just say I have an in with the judge. I sentence you to life in prison. Oh, Edith, you are the only thing in this world that makes sense to me. Welcome home, dear. Can I talk to you about something? You, y-you've been married for 35 years? How do you even have the time? If it's important you find the time. Ricky! I should kill you right here. Please, Daniel, I got you out of prison. You got me sent there in the first place! I'll make it up to you, I swear. Give him a chance, sir, he's a changed man. All right, I'll give you a week to make it up to me, and if you don't, you die. Have you been in there this whole time? Huh. Wait, so where did we park? Oh, that's right, we skipped here. Ma'am, you left your purse. Oh, thank you. I am such a ditz. I'd forget my own butt if it wasn't so big. Ha-ha, made you look. It's normal. I'm Jenny. Jenny! I'm so proud of you. You've become a good person, Ricky. You've turned into a butterfly. Thanks for believing in me, Steve. Sure thing, bud. I'm gonna hit the jukebox. see if they got any Keith Sweat up in this piece. Nice kid. Yeah, yeah, listen, you still have connections in shipping at Plantain Republic? Sure, why? 'Cause I hear there's three tons of cashmere sweaters coming in. You find out where and when, we can take down the whole shipment. Are you crazy? Look, even if I was interested, no load of caj gets boosted without someone going down. I'm not taking the fall for you again, Ricky. You won't take the fall. That stupid kid will. My body all over your body, babe Your body all over my body, babe. What I did to you, we're going to do to him. You are one cold son of a bitch. I'm Ricky Spanish. Ricky Spanish. This is awesome! I've never been night fishing before! You're going to love it, champ. Sweet kid. Too bad he's going to spend the rest of his life in jail. Whoa, I'm sorry. Not our fault. We're both tired. Could happen to anybody. Yeah, I'm not going to beat myself up, and if it happens again later, it happens again later. Right. I hope it happens again. What's wrong? I don't know, it's just, if Tungee were here, he would have made a big fuss about dinner. All that smiling and positivity. I thought he was annoying, but now I miss him. I miss him, too. Tungee was amazing. He was the only good thing that ever happened to me. We have to get him back, Stan. Yes, yes, we're going to Costgo. Oh, Stan. Ha-ha-ha, I made it into the episode. Pay me, bitches. Ha-ha! Me, too. Hey, why, why are we at the docks? What's going on? What's going on is, we're stealing cashmere sweaters. But, Ricky, you've made so much progress. You've changed. People don't change, Steve. You're thinking of Changelings. No, no, no, no, you apologized to people, you made amends. All part of the plan, you dope. I made up with Lewis so he'd lend me his houseboat, Bullock so he'd give me these guns, and Daniel so he'd lead me to this shipment. You used me. Sorry, pal, but the whole time you thought you were redeeming me, you were helping me put this together. Now it's time to say good night, Steve. Daniel. Oh! Good night, Steve. Daniel, no. I'm sorry, where are my manners? Good night, puddin'. For the love of hit him! Hit him in the head with the shotgun! Y-You, uh, you made that an uncomfortable experience for me, Daniel. Didn't have to be. Should have been fun. Tungee! Uh, sorry, folks, we're closed. Damn it, man, we left a ray of Nigerian sunshine in here! Tungee! Tungee! Tungee, baby! Mister and Lady! Tungee! Mister and Lady! Tungee! Mister and Lady! Tungee! Tungee! Mister Tungee. and Lady Tungee! Mister and Lady. Tungee! Mister and Lady. Tungee! Tungee! Mister and Lady in robot voice. Tungee! Tun-jay! Aah, Mister and Lady! Oh, Tungee! Tungee! Oh, Mister and Lady. Oh, Tungee, we missed you so much! Let's go home. Tungee, we're so sorry. You must have been so scared. Yeah, we're never going to leave you again, ever. And I never want to leave you, the most generous, wonderful people I have ever Ugh, this guy. I forgot how much he sucked. Should we? I don't think we have a choice. One, two. three. I miss him. Me, too. Come on, little guy, we have to stop Ricky before it's too late. Okay, finish up while I go plant some sweaters on Steve. Why would you do that? So when the guards find Steve on the boat, they'll think he's the one who stole the shipment. Why did I waste my time reading you all those Nancy Drews? Ricky! What the Dickens? I thought you knocked him out, Daniel. What the Dickens?! Ricky, don't do this. You can still be good, I know it. Sorry, Steve, some people are just bad and they always will be. Grab him, Daniel. Come here. Shh, keep it down. Hey! Run for it! They're gaining on us. Ricky, help! I believe in you. You are a butterfly! Oh, God! You came back for me. I knew you changed. I knew you aah! Ow, ow, ow! No! Kill. You. Ricky. Spanish. Two beautiful creatures trapped in a prison of another's design like a madman lost in a supermarket. One is freed while the other dies alone in a glass tomb, which used to contain farts. Perhaps it is fitting, for what was the butterfly other than a symbol of the boy's innocence that perished days before, killed by the very soul he tried to save? Ricky Spanish.