I Scream, Man


 * Chicken: My waddle is getting all wrinkly. I sure could use somethin' to wet my whistle. [Cow squirts milk at him] Somethin' besides that.


 * [Cow and Chicken get caught by Dad while trying to catch the Arbor Day Pig.]
 * Cow: We're busted.
 * Dad: Oh, you kids know that you can't open this piggie until Arbor Day. [Arbor Day Pig has sticker labelled "Do Not Open 'Til Arbor Day" on his butt]
 * Arbor Day Pig: Ha!
 * Dad: And that's three days away. [Pig blows raspberry, but then gasps]


 * The Red Guy: DING DING DING DING DING DING DING! STUPID SONG IS DRIVING ME... nuts!


 * The Red Guy: [with Cow and Chicken chasing him] THIS IS MADNESS!!! [screams] LEAVE ME ALONE!!!


 * The Red Guy: Oh crud! I must've thrown out all my ice cream at those funny-looking kids. [gives Chicken ice cubes in an ice cream cone] Here you go, duck.
 * Chicken: Hey! This is just a cone with ice cubes in it!
 * The Red Guy: And your point is? NEXT!
 * Cow: Do you have any gravy freezies?
 * The Red Guy: NO!
 * Cow: Frozen pork buttocks?
 * The Red Guy: NO!
 * Cow: A beaver-tail cone surprise?
 * The Red Guy: How about a beaver in a cone? [pulls out a beaver in a cone] SURPRISE! [leaps out of his ice cream truck] AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I DON'T HAVE ANY ICE CREAM NONE WHATSOEVER! I don't even like ice cream. OR KIDS! It says "I Scream" on my truck, not ice cream! Get it? Cause... I SCREAM! Look at me. [spins in circles] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Ooh. [chuckles] Screaming is my hobby!
 * Police Officer: [hits The Red Guy with sausage] It's the padded cell for you, scream man!


 * Mom: How about some frozen Arbor Day piggie pops?
 * Arbor Day Pig: PIGGIE POPS?! OKAY! THAT IS IT! TIME OUT! I've put enough with psychological torture for one pig! YOU GUYS ARE CANNIBALS! DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU'RE ALL OFF YOUR NUT! [runs away screaming]
 * Mom: What is up with that?
 * Dad: You know, Mama, we lose more Arbor Day piggies that way.


 * The Red Guy: No actual Arbor Day piggies were hurt during the making of this film. But I was. My feelings were hurt! More than once! There was the first time in scene 40 and that once in scene 57 and... did you know that I do my own STUNTS? No stunt double for The Red Guy, oh no, no, no, no. [looks around] Feiss will not spring for that, no! I'm not good enough for a STUNT DOUBLE! [starts sobbing] OH, LIFE'S NOT FAIR! Alright you can end now. [laughs] END!