Why Do We Call It Christmas? Outtakes

Michael: Poor Pierre was so horribly confused that for a year he thought that the wise men followed the north star, north star to the pole... of the Baby Jesus... "cracker". Oh, that's the longest one I've ever done, I'm gonna pass out.

Phil Vischer: Oh, hi there! We're... Joseph! I mean, why do we even call it Christmas anyway? I dunno. Eh, I dunno. Those squirrels delivered invta- invertations like only flying squrriels can! Ah-ha!

Marcy: What did he say? Did he say "flying squirrels"? That's nuts. This show is nuts! I'm outta here.

Sunday School Lady: I'm not sure "Chrismical" is a word, but that's exactly what we need for "Chrismical" to be a word, sorry.

Ian: And he's inviting us to Buck Denver's birthday. Birthday party? Hooray, I love birthday parties! I don't think that's right though. Sorry.

Cap'n Pete: It's one of Buck Denver's squirrels. Why, that must mean... something. Hmm, don't know what. Thanks for the lift, Captain Stewart! I'm really, I'm grateful, I like it. Thanks.

Pastor Paul: I've got my book. It's giant. Ha ha ha. I'm going to sing every song.

Chuck Waggin: Uh, you mean when they serve bread and ja- jake gruse? [laughs] Heh heh heh! Jake gruse. I'm ready! Let's start. Chester Whigget, where are you? Back there. Chester Whigget, what is your-? Wrong way, he's back there. Wait, did you get an invitation-? You're over there, sorry.

Brother Louie: It's okay, nobody get hurt. Do... you know... I'm thinkin'. Uh, not very effectively.

Sunday School Lady: Wanna help bake some Christmas cookies? Phil Vischer: [offscreen] Don't say the word "Christmas." Sunday School Lady: Why not? Phil Vischer: [offscreen] Cuz it's not the script. Sunday School Lady: Wanna help bake some cookies?... Cookieeezz! Cookieeeeeezz!

Marcy: How does that celebrate Jesus? Hm? Anyone? Kid with a question. Help.

Pastor Paul: My big book, I love it! Ha ha ha ha! Hmmm! Hm hm hm hm hm hm! I'm giddy! Or, I have to go to the bathroom, I'm not sure which. Gesundheit! If we're gonna sk- [gibberish; spit]

Ian: ♪ Fa la la la, la la la la. ♪ Oh, Clive, if only Pastor Paul were here! He... to... play... the piano. Giddyup... ponies. He he he. I love... I love ponies.

Pastor Paul: ♪ Schmurt, murt, murt, murt, murt, murt... Murt-murt. Sooooooo uunchaaaaniiiiiiing. ♪ Thank you. Simon Cowell, I'll be waiting for your call.

Buck Denver: Wow, I'm glad I don't have to giant, giant, dragon oak, [gibberish] ...for.

Ian: Wait, I thought it was about San-ta Claus... Pretty good, huh?

Marcy: Do you find my voice annoying? Phooey! It's all I've got.

Cap'n Pete: Which is it? And what does Jesus Claus have to do with Santa's birthday? [laughing] That was weird. Jesus Claus. Oh, boy. [sniff, sniff] I've got a Jesus Claus in my contract. Hm hm hm! I get off work for the second coming.

Clive: That's a great question. Ian, what's Clive's... [inaudible] Ian, what's my real name? Mmm? That's right! To learn more we need to go to Europe in 300 A.D. At just as the Roman empire was... putting on a... revival of... "My Fair Lady."

Ian: I'm just driving. I don't get to say a word. Why do they trust me with the ponies?

Marcy: Why am I not lookin' at the camera? Helloooo! It's me!

Cap'n Pete: Crazy. Doin' my sword dance.

Clive: You see, St. Nicholas was a bishop in the church. That means he was a leader of all the churches in his area. St. Nicholas was ba bishop in the church. That means he was a leader of all the- Help me! So pictures of St. Nicholas visiting Northern Europe on September sixth [gibberish] with his head... in the snow... and everything! [humming excitedly]

Pastor Paul: ♪ Oh come, oh come, Emma-a-nu-u-uel. ♪ Sorry.

Buck Denver: Yeah. Is it one of those new-fangled, make up, holi-, make, made up? Hmm. Yeah! Is that one of those made up, new fangly, dingly doops? Yeah! Is that one of those new-fangled, made-up holidays, sorry. Hm, hm. I'm not very good at this. I knew I shoulda been a banker.

Marcy: Do I have any Jewish friends? Mom? Dad? Uncle Saul?

Sunday School Lady: Oh, I'm sure they haven't gotten into any trouble. They're responsible adults... kind of. Oh wait, is Chester with them? Then scratch that. They're in trouble.

Ian: Why was he born in a barn and put in a trough? Shouldn't it have been a, shouldn't it have been, shouldn't he uh, shouldn't. Hmm?

Chuck Waggin: Yer sleigh breaks! Cuz of a rabbit! Where, where, where's that rabbit? Yer sleigh breaks! Cuz of a rabbit! Where's God with us in all that? Rabbit?

Cap'n Pete: Eh... it's a long story. Story? [Clive's voice] Schtory. [Brother Louie's voice] Uh...

Brother Louie: "God with us" doesn't mean nothing bad will ever happen. It doesn't mean we'll never have, never have a heaven... better happen... baffin?

Clive: Because God is perfect and we're not. We're always... messing... up. Oops, I messed up! Sorry God. Wasn't that fantastic? Naaaaah!