The Perspiration Implementation


 * Sheldon: Can I stab one of my friends?
 * Barry Kripke: We don't call it a stab. We call it a touch.
 * Sheldon: Yes, but if i say i want to touch one of my friends I'll be called into human resources.


 * Stuart: Thanks for coming by.
 * Bernadette Sure. So how can we help?
 * Stuart: Well, I know more women are buying comics than ever, but for some reason, I-I can't get 'em in here.
 * Penny: All right, well, what have you tried so far?
 * Stuart: Uh, I've-I've been stocking more female-oriented titles. Uh, in the bathroom, I folded the end of the toilet paper into a triangle. And, uh, you are now sitting in the official breastfeeding area.
 * Penny: Really? In a comic book store?
 * Stuart: Oh, don't worry. I-I've got a camera right up here, so I could watch from the counter and make sure guys aren't being pervs.
 * Amy: Well, for starters you might want to rethink some of this artwork. I mean, this woman is actually on a leash like a dog.
 * Stuart: Well, you don’t know the back story. Maybe she kept jumping up on the couch.


 * Leonard: Hey, Barry Kripke started a fencing club.
 * Sheldon: Interesting. Sword fighting does hold a certain elegant appeal. And I imagine it meets many of our personal criteria for a sport.
 * Leonard: It's indoors, so no sunscreen.
 * Sheldon: No throwing, no catching, no running.
 * Leonard: No gym shorts that can be yanked down.
 * Sheldon: Or worse, up.
 * Leonard: Preach.


 * Amy: Have you thought about advertising directly to females?
 * Stuart: Hmm, okay. Well... All right. What if I put up a sign in the window that said, "Women, come in. Don't be afraid."
 * Penny: Hey. Uh, have you read the online reviews for this place?
 * Stuart: Eh, the Internet's so negative. I try to avoid it.
 * Penny: All right, well, Heather H. says, "The owner stared at me the whole time and didn't blink once." Kelly M. says, "The creepy guy who runs it asked me out, then called himself stupid before I could say no." Jessica K. says, "I told the weird owner that I liked his shirt. He took it off and gave it to me."
 * Stuart: See? Negative.


 * Sheldon: Is that the prototype-drive system for the high-G rover?
 * Howard: No, Bernadette got me at Fitbit so she can track how much I’m exercising.
 * Leonard: That’ll teach her to care about your health.


 * Leonard: Look at all these activities the university has. Rock climbing club, archery, flag football…
 * Sheldon: Had me at flag, lost me at football.
 * Penny: Yeah, I think it’s great you guys want to get more exercise, but do you really think that sports is the right choice for you?
 * Leonard: What are you saying? We’re not coordinated enough to play sports?
 * Penny: Okay, Leonard, sweetheart, you twisted you ankle playing Scrabble.
 * Leonard: I got a triple word score with a double letter “Q”. If that’s not a time to bust out in a Scrabble dance, what’s point of having one?


 * Stuart: All right, I'm not saying it's true, but let's-let's consider for a moment that possibly I'm the problem.
 * Penny: Yeah.
 * Bernadette: You are.
 * Amy: You can say it.
 * Stuart: Okay, fine. What...? I mean, what can I do? I get so nervous around women.
 * Penny: Well, you're talking to us now. I mean, you don't seem nervous.
 * Stuart: Well, that's 'cause I'm doing that trick where you imagine the audience is naked. By the way, thumbs up, ladies.
 * (Bernadette is very cross by this)
 * Amy: Do you not hear how creepy that sounds?
 * Stuart: (laughing) It was a joke.
 * Bernadette: (asking Stuart crossly) Was it?
 * Stuart: No, I'm still doing it.
 * Penny: Okay. Don't be offended, but... what went wrong with you?
 * Stuart: I-I guess I assumed at this point in my life, I would be married or in a relationship, or even have a pet that didn't run away or kill itself.
 * Bernadette: That really happened?
 * Stuart: I mean, I can't say for sure, but I swear that rabbit looked me right in the eye before it hopped in front of that car. Anyway, the longer I'm alone, the more desperate I get.
 * Amy: Stuart, believe it or not, I understand. You know, before I met Sheldon, I was alone for a really long time. I was so desperate for people to like me, when I met these guys, it took everything in my power to hide my insecurity.
 * Stuart: (laughing) Okay, we're all feeling it. Yes, I'll go out with you.
 * Amy: (to Bernadette) Suddenly, the rabbit thing makes sense.
 * (Bernadette now says nothing)


 * Leonard: Listen I should warn you that maybe asking Amy out is not a good idea.
 * Sheldon: Barry, a word.
 * Leonard: And now the crazy version of what I just said.
 * Sheldon: IF intent to pursue Amy, you ;leave me no choice, but to put a stop to it.
 * Barry: And how are you gonna do that?
 * Sheldon: By challenging you to a duel.
 * Barry: You’ve had one lesson. I’ll destroy you.
 * Sheldon: That is why the duel will take place at high noon three years from today. If your worth your salt as an instructor, I should be ready by then. And be warned. I’m going to touch you all over.


 * Sheldon: Excuse me. I’m recovering from a recent breakup and I’m told asking out another woman might make me feel better. And as Ash Ketchum said to Pikachu: I choose you.
 * Natalie: What?
 * Sheldon: It’s a Pokemon reference.
 * Natalie: I don’t know what that means.
 * Sheldon: Well, we gave it a shot. How about you?
 * Grace: I‘m married and I’m her grandmother.
 * Sheldon: Ah, what might have been? And you, give my regard to Barnum and Bailey.


 * Bernadette: (so surprised) Stuart took that rejection like a pro.
 * Penny: Well, he knew he was on the breast cam.
 * Amy: I don't have much practice turning men down. It wasn't so much fun.
 * Bernadette: Oh, you get used to it. Some guys you have to turn down over and over.
 * Penny: And sometimes we marry them anyway. (phone chimes)
 * Amy: Huh. Well, this is weird.
 * Penny: What?
 * Amy: Barry Kripke just asked me out.
 * (Penny gasps for a second)
 * Bernadette: Oh. Look at you-- two guys in one day!
 * Penny: I told you things would change if you plucked your eyebrows!
 * Bernadette: What did he say?
 * Amy: (reading her text message) "Hi, how are you? I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink after work sometime."
 * Penny: Well, what are you gonna do?
 * Amy: I don't know. I guess I assumed that I would eventually date other people, but this is happening so fast.
 * Bernadette: What can it hurt?
 * Amy: Well, I was hoping the next person I dated would be a little less like Sheldon.
 * Bernadette: (asking Amy crossly) You mean, not a scientist?
 * Penny: I think she means not a weirdo.
 * Bernadette: Are you attracted to him?
 * Amy: I don't know.
 * Penny: All right, well, what happens if you imagine him naked?
 * Amy: Oh, I don't have to imagine it.
 * (Both Bernadette and Penny gasp together in disgust by the image Amy had showed them on her phone. Amy now nods grumpily at the image on her phone by herself for a second)


 * Sheldon: I smell funny. I taste salty.
 * Leonard: You're just sweaty from exercise.
 * Sheldon: And kind of delicious. I wonder how many licks it would take to get to the center of me.
 * Leonard: I know it only takes one doctor's finger.
 * Amy: Hello.
 * Sheldon: Hello.
 * Leonard: We should let you guys talk...
 * Bernadette: Yeah.
 * [Leonard goes upstairs and Bernadette goes downstairs]
 * Sheldon: You don’t have to leave.
 * Leonard: Look at me go.
 * Amy: Uh, Bernadette. You’re my ride.
 * Bernadette: (shouting from her back view) WALK!!
 * [Bernadette now exits and she is finally gone]
 * Amy: (asking Sheldon grumpily) How have you been?
 * Sheldon: (answering Amy grumpily) I’m doing all right. I tried fencing today.
 * Amy: (sarcastically) How’d that go?
 * Sheldon: (speaks to Amy in low-tone) It was pretty easy. I think my background in mathletics helped. Barry Kripke was there. I should let you know that he expressed interest in asking you out.
 * Amy: (grumpily surprised) Well, actually he already did.
 * Sheldon: Okay. Don’t get too attached to him. In two years, 364 days he’s a dead man.
 * Amy: (low-tone of anger) I said no.
 * Sheldon: Interesting. I asked two woman out today and they both said no.
 * Amy: (quietly shocked) I didn’t know you were interested in dating.
 * Sheldon: I’ve been told it’s a good way to move on.
 * Amy: (grumpy for the last time) Oh. Okay. Ah, anyway, it’s nice to see you. You look good.
 * Sheldon: Um. Thanks. And I taste good too.
 * [Sheldon exits up the stairs and Amy now makes a huge frowning expression]


 * (The ending scene of which Bernadette is checking her computer in the Wolowitz kitchen looking rather puzzled and very cross about something)
 * Bernadette: (she calls for Howard crossly) Howie?
 * (Howard opens the door and enters the kitchen)
 * Howard: What's up?
 * (Bernadette sighs crossly to Howard)
 * Bernadette: (she is now extremely cross with him) Why does your Fitbit say you ran 174 miles yesterday?
 * (Howard has a little lick of the batter spoon and says nothing).