Book of Corrine


 * Professor: [Laughing] Ah Projaq, you're a gift of former mad scientists everywhere; with your help I'll use my inventions for good, right boys?

[Lightning strikes Robot Number Five]


 * Robot: I live! This is awesome!

[walks downtown]


 * Robot: I'm alive, I'm alive!

[Townspeople scream in terror]


 * Robot: Ahaha, yeah; ooh, sparkly!

[Breaks glass of jewelry store]


 * Robot: Aw, being alive holds such amazing wonders!


 * Police Men: Freeze, uh hands a-above your head sir!


 * Robot: I love you all!

[Police shoot at Robot]


 * Robot: I want to play too!

[Shoots machine gun through his stomach]


 * Robot: What a great game; I win!

[Dog barks at Robot]


 * Robot: Look at you.

[Grabs the dog with a harsh grip on dog killing and bleeding the dog]


 * Robot: I haven't seen anything so adorable in all my twenty minutes of life; come here you!


 * Professor: Well boys I hope you...oh my god!

[Robot sleeps on ground with dog in hand]


 * Police Men: Freeze copkiller!


 * Professor: What, no!


 * Police Men: There'd better be a reason!

[Police start shooting]


 * Professor: [Struggling to stay up in gunfire] Aah no!


 * Announcer: Vanax, get your smile back; but without the desire to build giant robots.

(Santa is seen riding by with three women standing at a street corner. Santa points at them)

Santa: Ho Ho Ho!

(A ghost named Jasper who comes up to a guy)

Guy: Oh, hi there, Casper. Hey!

Jasper pulls the guy's pants down, and the guy pulls them back up)

Jasper: (Laughs) Someone call UPS. There's a small package that needs to be delivered.

Guy: I thought you were supposed to be a friendly ghost.

Jasper: Idiot, I'm his brother, Jasper. The Douchebag Ghost!

(A chorus sings Jasper's theme, with clips of Jasper playing rude jokes on people all the while)

Chorus: ''Jasper, the Douchebag Ghost, the douch-i-est ghost possessed. He'll call you names and act real mean until you feel very depressed. He'll always say...'' [Jasper points at the screen] Jasper: Fuck you! He shows the screen with his sack Jasper and Chorus: Lick my sack, you fairy!

Chorus: ''He's so god damn crude and so god damn rude. Jasper, the Douchebag Ghost...''

Priest: We will all miss Annie, but she truly is in a better place.

(Jasper possesses Annie's corpse, and makes her stand up and climb out of the casket)

(Everyone gasps)

Herman: Oh, Grandma, I'm so glad you're alive!

(Everyone sighs)

Jasper: (Fake voice) Herman, you were always my least favorite grandchild.

(Jasper then jumps out of Annie, who falls on top of Herman)

Jasper: Ha ha! Retards!

(Everyone starts jeering at Jasper)

Chorus: Jasper, the Douchebag Ghost!

Jasper: Lick my sack!

''[On the set of the Robot Chicken Telethon set, Fidel Castro, Six Million Peso Man, Humping Robot, Bloopers Host, Mad Scientist, Little Drummer Boy, Eagle-Eye Smith, Robot Chicken, Alien, and Nerd are all seated with telephones. Seth Green and Matthew Senreich are also present. They chat quietly, then turn to the camera.]''

Seth Green: Welcome back everyone, I'm still Robot Chicken executive producer Seth Green.

Matt Senreich: And I'm still Robot Chicken executive producer Matt Senreich.

Seth: Not enough of you have been calling in to support us getting a third season, but we're gonna change all that right now! Co-head writer Douglas Goldstein, bring out that adorable puppy. (Douglas Goldstein enters the set with a puppy, happily barking) So listen carefully, if you guys don't call the number on the bottom of the screen right now, (Matt brandishes a double-barrelled shotgun) Matt here is gonna shotgun-blast Knuckles' brains all over the ground, you got it? So start calling, creepers! We're not kidding, you have two minutes to ca - (gets cut off when Matt shoots the puppy with green blood) Crap! Dude, what the heck?!

Matt: (sheepish) Sorry, my finger slipped! My bad!

Seth: (whispering) Matt, I thought we weren't gonna kill the dog?

Matt: (whispering) Dude, it slipped. I'm sorry.

[Douglas exits, dragging the dead puppy along.]

Seth: Wow! Okay, um, (thinks for a second, then gets another idea) let's uh, let's have co-head writer Tom Root bring out Arnold the monkey. (whispering to Matt) Matt, you really gotta be careful, OK man?

Matt: OK, OK, OK.

[Tom Root enters the set with a screeching monkey, who jumps about.]

Seth: (grabbing the monkey and trying to calm him down) Arnold! Arnold, it's OK, it's OK, it's OK! Shhhhhh. It's OK buddy, it's OK. C'mere, it's OK. OK, now let's get some phone calls - (gets cut off again when Matt shoots the monkey dead in blue blood) cheesez! Matt, what the freak?!?

Matt: Somebody put Vaseline on this trigger.

Seth: Dude, I put a $10,000 deposit down on that monkey! I'm not gonna get that back!

Matt: I'm really, really sorry.

Seth: Give me the gun!

Matt: No!

[The two start struggling for the shotgun.]

Seth: Give me it!

Matt: No, let go!

Seth: Matt, give me it - (Matt accidentally shoots off the Bloopers Host's head in purple blood)

Bloopers Host: (decapitated head bounces off the Humping Robot) Ow! Hello!

[Seth and Matt stop struggling.]

Seth: Matt!! You-you shot the Bloopers Host!!!

[The telephones start ringing, and the various characters answer them.]

Matt: Seth, listen.

Nerd: Hey, would you like flies with that?

Matt: They like the color violence. We need more color violence! (shoots Tom in the head in yellow blood)

Seth: Whoa whoa whoa! Matt, that's our friend Tom, he's - What're you doing?!! We-we can't have a third season if we don't have any writers!!!

Matt: They love us! (shoots all the Robot Chicken characters dead) Violence!! Ratings!! Come on!! Higher ratings!! What a world!!

Seth: No!! Stop!!!

''[Cut to a picture of the Stoopid Monkey covered in video tape, with the message "Please stand by. We are experiencing technical difficulties." Then cut back to the Robot Chicken Telethon, as Seth and Matt once again struggle for the shotgun. Matt gets the upper hand, hits Seth with the shotgun butt, then shoots him in the head, blowing it off, in blue blood and finally, the camera. Cut back once again to the Stoopid Monkey. The end credits start to play, and the finish.]''

(Zookeeper walks by.)

Zookeeper: Uhh... I'm- I'm here to pick up the monkey? Hello?

(Zookeeper picks up Seth Green's legs, then dropped them while the Robot Chicken survived.)