The Raiders Minimization


 * Sheldon: So what'd you think?
 * Amy: It was good.
 * Sheldon: That's it? Good?
 * Amy: I enjoyed it. When you told me I was going to be "losing my virginity”, I didn't think you meant showing me "Raiders of the Lost Ark" for the first time.
 * Sheldon: My apologies. I chose my words poorly. I should've said 'You are about to have your world rocked on my couch."


 * Leonard: So how was school?
 * Penny: Oh, good. Check it out. “The Disappointed Child” by Beverly Hofstadter.
 * Leonard: You bought my Mom’s book?
 * Penny: Yes. It’s on the recommended reading list for my psychology class.
 * Leonard: Oh. Come on. Not that book. It got like every horrible story from my childhood in it.
 * Penny: Oh cool. Are there pictures?
 * Leonard: Seriously, please find another book.
 * Penny: Oh come on. How bad could it be?
 * Leonard: The next chapter’s about the potty training. Bed wetting. Masturbation. Basically if something came out of me, she wrote about it. You know, do whatever you want, just don’t talk to me about it.
 * Penny: Not even the chapter on The Breast Feeding Crisis?
 * Leonard: It was not a crisis. Apparently I favored the left one. She got a little lopsided.
 * Penny: Oh my God! You still go left.


 * Sheldon: Well. You sit back, relax and enjoy a beloved childhood memory. You see that cabin there. I read they were illegally squatting on Indian land. Well, personally I think what we did to the Native Americans was wrong, but this is your favorite show, not mine. Oh look at little Laura Ingalls eating that peanut butter sandwich. Peanut butter, huh. That’s strange since peanut butter wasn't introduced until the early 1900’s. [Amy stops smiling.] If I knew this show was about time travel I would have watched it much sooner.
 * Amy: [Amy stops the show.] You’re trying to get back at me for what I said about ”Raiders of the Lost Ark”.
 * Sheldon: That’s silly. Almost as silly as Dr. Baker having a telephone since telephones only existed in large cities at the time. It’s more like Little House on the Preposterous.
 * Amy: Sheldon were in a relationship. When you get angry, tell me. You don’t need to seek revenge.
 * Sheldon: Are you sure? Every time my Dad stayed out all night my Mom put hamster poop in his chewing tobacco.
 * Amy: Well, that’s not how we’re going to do it.
 * Sheldon: Well, fine. I’m mad at you. Not only did you ruin Raiders for me but you may have ruined the whole franchise, except for the fourth one which was bad before you got your mitts on it.
 * Amy: I shouldn't have said it. I’m sorry.
 * Sheldon: Thank you.
 * Amy: You feel better?
 * Sheldon: Yes. But not as good when I tell you, your precious Garfield has no reason to hate Mondays. He’s a cat. He doesn't have a job.


 * Sheldon: Amy ruined Raiders of the Lost Ark for me. So now I’m trying to find something beloved to her and ruin that.
 * Howard: Because her life wasn't enough?


 * Sheldon: Hang on. You spend time with Amy. Can you think anything she’s fond of that has a bunch of flaws that she hasn't noticed?
 * Leonard: I gotta go.


 * Howard: Wow. Sex at work!!
 * Leonard: Hey, leave It alone; that’s my girlfriend…
 * Howard: Sorry
 * Leonard: WHO JUST HAD SEX WITH ME AT WORK!
 * Howard: Damn, how’d you swing that?
 * Leonard: Well, whenever I talk about how awful my Mom was, Penny will do anything to make me feel better.
 * Howard: Seriously?
 * Leonard: I’m not proud of it, but it does work.


 * Leonard: Hey I was just…what is happening?
 * Penny: [Penny dressed in a nightie] Oh, just a little treat. I know you've been feeling really bad about your Mom lately.
 * Leonard: Oh, I have so bad.
 * Penny: And I want you to feel better. So I planned something very special for you.
 * Leonard: I can already feel it working.
 * Beverly: [Penny turns her laptop around and there is Beverly Hofstadter.] Hello, Leonard!
 * Leonard: Mom?
 * Beverly: I understand you have been whining about my parenting in order to emotionally manipulate your girlfriend.
 * Leonard: I, um...
 * Penny: [Penny gets up and leaves] Bernadette told me everything. Now you don’t get the left or the right.
 * Beverly: Let’s discussed why you continue to involve me in your sex life.
 * Leonard: Oh please, mommy. No, mommy.
 * Beverly: When you were six years old, you walked in on me and your father naked. I was swatting his bottom with your brand new ping pong paddle.
 * Leonard: I didn't dream that?
 * Beverly: How did that make you feel?
 * Leonard: Penny, come back!! I’m sad for real now.