The Island Family

1 - Previously on "Wrecked" - What is that? It's a priest character from the game. I risked my life to steal this. - What?! - Come on! Hey, can you bark like a dog, Half Pint? - [YIPPING] - [LAUGHS] Meat is murder. Oh, s-so you're a hypocrite. I'm not a hypocrite. I value all life. Does anyone know any of our last names? See? We're no one to each other. [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES] - [BEEPS, UNLATCHES] - She did it. Tell Declan you found us all barricaded at the power station! Once they get out of the mansion, we can slip right in. - [SPITS] - Oh! I want them dead. Declan, what if they get to the radio? That won't be a problem. I must say you've put on one hell of a show, but we now have you surrounded, and you have nowhere left to run. So I'll make this easy for you. If you come out now, I will honor the terms of our original agreement and spare one of your lives. But if you decide to stay inside my home, hiding like cowards, I will kill you all. As befitting a gentleman, I'll give you 30 seconds to decide. - Hey, Dec. Dec. - [GRUNTS] Your choice is What? What? What? What?! What are you muttering about?! I got I gotta go. You're pulling my leg. - Can't that wait? - No, it can't! Nature calls. I gotta answer this sombitch. Honestly, I'd love a little breather. My, uh, jumper's knee is kinda acting up. I gotta Hell, if we're taking a break, I could slam a protein bar. Jesus Christ. Fi How long do you need? [SIGHS] Ideally, 15. But I mean, I could, like, muscle it out in 10 if Stop. Stop. Stop talking. 10 minutes! You've got 10 minutes, then we come in and kill you all, all right?! All right?! Christ on the cross. I'm trying to create a sense of menace, a sense of of dread [FARTS] and you tits are ruining it! [FARTING CONTINUES] [WRAPPER CRINKLES] - Declan, you want some of this, man? - Shut Well, if we surrender, maybe one of us could live? The rich they'll hunt whoever wins. Declan told me. They're gonna kill us all. [THUNDER RUMBLES] Well, then, that's that. No. No, we are not gonna die here today. We are gonna get out of this together. Because Danny was right. We're a family. - No, we're not. - You said it yourself. We don't even know each other's last names. [SIGHS] You want to know what my last name is? It's the same as all of yours. It's "Island. " My name is Owen Island. - What? - What are you talking about? - Your last name is "Island"? - We That's dumb. I mean, is it Dutch? It's not [CHUCKLES] actually my last name. Obviously, I'm not Owen Isl I'm saying I'm thinking of a name that would unify us because we all crashed on an island. Um Look when we crashed, we were just a bunch of strangers stuck together. But we have been through so much, that now we really are like a family. So, it doesn't matter what our last names were. What What What matters is that now we may as well share a name. My last name's Island, too. I'm Danny Island. Then I'm Florence Island. And I'm Jess Island. Yeah, I'm Todd Island. But sometimes we bang, so are you, like, my sister? I don't really know how this works. I'm Karen Cushman-Island. Didn't change my name for Anthony, and I'm sure as shit not gonna change it for you, but I'm happy to hyphenate. All right, y'all ain't gonna believe this, but my actual last name is Island. I'm Bruce Island. Hand to Jesus. I'm Stewart Island! Yep, I'm changing both my names. I've always hated "Steve. " - Uh, Steve, that's not really the - Stewart. - It's Stewart. - [GRUNTS] Oh, my God! [GROANS] And I'm Pack Island! Have you just been hiding there this whole time? Yeah, I have. And even though it was kinda muffled, I agree with everything. And I'm done hiding. I'm ready to fight! So let's stick it to those rich assholes, huh?! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! Let's do it! - I love family! So what's the plan? Danny got any crazy ideas? Listen up, people! We've got T-minus eight minutes to booby-trap the shit out of this house. We're talking homemade explosives deadly kitchenware marbles all over the floor. They should be sliding they asses all over this place. Oh, and, guys? Really think about your last quip before you go in for the kill. It should be short and punchy, but also emotional. Like, for example, I may say, "Well, isn't this rich?" Then bam! You see, that played on both their financial circumstances and my own personal history. Actually that one's really good. Shit. I may use that. Oh, wow. You're done finally. Good. Have you, um eaten your snack? Yeah. - Taken your shit? - Oh, yeah. Knee feeling good? Yeah. Great. Well let's hunt. All right. Time's up. Prepare to die. The vents? [CHUCKLES] Too easy. FLORENCE: Aah! [GRUNTING] - What the hell is this?! - It's a red flag, mother [EXHALES DEEPLY] [GRUNTS] The hell? Half Pint! Oh, shit. Looks like you got a little pair of nuts on you after all. - [GUNFIRE] - Aah! Well, where you going, little doggy? I got a treat for you. [BRUCE COUGHING] [BREATHING HEAVILY] Aah! Son of a You sure this is gonna work? Of course this is gonna work. Why wouldn't it work? Because it's just strings and marbles? Strings and marbles? You think this is just strings and marbles? [CHUCKLES] Let me try and explain this to you. Once he enters, he's gonna slip on the marbles, stumble forward, and trip the wire. That'll dump the syrup, which will catch the fan, blasting him with feathers. Momentarily blinded [GROANS] He'll reach for the hot doorknob. [SCREAMS] Then he'll fall through the window. [SCREAMS] Plummeting! Straight to his death. Yeah, I just don't see any of this actually working. - [CLICK IN DISTANCE] - [QUIETLY] Wait. Shut the [BLEEP] up. Somebody's coming. This could be it. Hey! Get over here! Hey. It's the nerdy one. It would've been so much better if it was Peabody, 'cause we have that, like, shared history Danny! [STAMMERS] [WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY] Shh! Shh, shh. [DOOR OPENS] Oh, I see. A little game of cat and Aah! [BODY THUDS] [MARBLES CLATTERING] Huh. You think he would've hit the feathers by now. Oh. I did not expect this. [LIGHTER CLINKS] Hey, there, friend. Care for a drink? How about our house specialty? We call it a Molo-Todd cocktail. [SCREAMS] [BODY THUDS] Hell, yeah! Are you freakin' kidding me? Tell me someone saw that. Did anyone see that? Oh, my God! [GRUNTING] Freaking creep! - Ow! That's me! - Shit! Sorry. Aah! [BOTH GRUNTING] Freeze! Drop the knife or I'll shoot you. I swear to God. [BREATHING HEAVILY] You're the vegan, right? What? What was it you said again? That you respect all life? [CHUCKLES] You're not gonna kill me. Yeah, well I'm a hypocrite, bitch. [GUNSHOT] [BODY THUDS] Ew! Eugh! [BLEEP] It's in my mouth! Look at his freakin' head. Oh, sick! Oh, it's so gross! BREWSTER: Half Pint! [BREATHING HEAVILY] Well, this is more like it. Half Pint hiding like a little bitch. I know you're in here. [SINGSONG VOICE] Half Pint. [NORMAL VOICE] Come on out, little doggy. Now, where could he be? [DOOR OPEN] Aaaaaah! [GRUNTING] Take it! Take it! [BOTH GRUNTING] Are you throwing a trout at me?! [CHUCKLES] - Well - [GUN COCKS] looky here. Half Pint is about to become No Pint. You know what? Do that little funny dog bark for me one more time, Half Pint. Hey. I said bark funny like a dog. No. I'm not a dog. I'm a medium-sized man. Suit yourself. KAREN: Hey. Woof woof. [GRUNTS] That big, old bitch. [BODY THUDS] Oh, my God. Hell, yeah, Karen! And that line "Woof woof"? I mean, come on! That really came full circle. I said it because that's the sound a doggy makes. Yeah. [GUNSHOTS IN THE DISTANCE] [GUN COCKS] [BREATHING SHAKILY] Shit! Oh, yeah. [GRUNTS] [GUN CLICKS] STEVE: Well, well, well. Look at these tables turning. - [GLASS CLINKING] - Shh, shh, shh. [WHISPERING] Someone's inside. [WHISPERING] Good thing we've got my stick. Yeah. No, totally. It's just I have a gun now. So maybe we just use that. Yeah, that makes sense. - Let's do that. - Totally. Ready? [BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY] [GLASS CLINKING] Aaaaaaaaaaah! [SLOW-MOTION YELLING, GLASS BREAKING] - [BREATHING HEAVILY] - [GUN CLICKING] [MUFFLED] What the [BLEEP] Oh, my God. I am so sorry. I should've looked before I started shooting. I realize that now. This thing is crazy! Babe! [GRUNTS] [NORMAL VOICE] Ew. God. You're covered in blood. Well, yeah. Florence killed a guy. Oh, nice. I lit a dude on fire. It was so dope. But it was also pretty gnarly. I'm actually feeling pretty weird about it. Where are the others? We're here. Oh, hey! What up? Did you guys kill your guys, too? Big-time. Karen crossbowed that John Wayne-looking dipshit right in the chest! We used marbles. - Wait. Where's Steve? - DECLAN: Right here. Nobody move or I will paint this room with his brains. I'm sorry! He got the jump on me. I was in the study, and I took a gun off the wall, but it turned out to be more of a decorative number. - Quiet, please. - It wouldn't shoot. - T-The barrel wasn't even hollow. - Quiet! - The trigger was glued. - Quiet. Don't Stop. Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to my helicopter, and I'm going to fly away. And if one of you so much as farts in my direction, I will kill Steve, and you don't want that, do you? Because you're all family! Isn't that your whole goddamn thing?! - Let's go. - [GASPS] Jesus Christ, your hands smell like piss. [DOOR OPENS] Hey, Declan. Wait. We can figure this out. No, we cannot. Because despite your best efforts, you lost. It's like I told Steve. If you want to kill the king, you have to keep your eyes on the prize. - [QUIETLY] Eyes on the prize. - So long, everyone. You know, I wish I could say it's been a pleasure, but But honestly it hasn't. I really despise every one of you. [EXHALES SHARPLY] Chestmate. - [BREATHING HEAVILY] - Did you just mean to say "checkmate"? Oh, Christ. You are the most stupid person This is for Luther! - Aah! - [ALL SCREAMING] Aaaaaah! Ow! My eye! Oh! [GRUNTS] [BODY THUDS] I told you that little priest would be the key to us getting out of here. [LAUGHS] [ALL CHEERING] - Whoo! - Hell, yeah! How the hell do we get home? This is a dumb question, but does anyone know how to fly a helicopter? BRUCE: Someone say "helicopter"? [GASPS] - Bruce! - [ALL CHEERING] You know how to fly a helicopter? Unless some other Bruce Island did three tours in Desert Storm. Let's get the hell out of here before I bleed out. - Hell, yeah! - [ALL CHEERING] [HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING SLOWLY IN DISTANCE] [WHIRRING QUICKENS] What's that sound? It's the chopper. Go! Aloha, babies. DANNY: Chet, what are you doing?! If I let you go back, ol' Chester's toast. You'll throw me in the clink just 'cause I murdered some dudes. You still don't get it. Chet is a survivor, and I plan to What?! What is he saying?! I have no idea! [NO AUDIO] JESS: He can't actually fly that thing, can he?! BRUCE: Without any training, it's damn near impossible! [ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] Oh, God bless. He's gonna crash! Oh! [BIRDS CHIRPING] [BIRDS CHIRPING] Helen Mirren. Alive. James Earl Jones. Ooh. I'm gonna say dead. I mean, can you even picture a young James Earl Jones? Holy shit. No, I can't. [CHUCKLES] Tom Cruise. Why would Tom Cruise be dead? He does a lot of his own stunts. [GRUNTS] [ENGINE STARTS] Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson died like 10 years ago. What? What? Michael Jackson is dead? How do you not know about this? Michael Jackson the musician. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's so sad. Hold on a second. Mayday, mayday. It's a distress call. Anybody out there? Over. It was a huge deal. Well, at least the King of Pop is moonwalking in Heaven. You know that people thought he was a pedophile, right? What?! It is shocking to me that you don't know about any of this. Mayday, mayday. This is a distress call. Over. Nobody out there? Thank you for nothing. Talk to you never. Why aren't more people talking about this? People were talking about this 10 years ago! WOMAN: Hello? Hello? Are you there? We're here.