Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation

Act I
(Song: "Phineas and Ferb Theme")

Chorus: There are two wondrous weeks for our winter vacation,

Before New Years and school comes to end it,

So the holiday challenge for kids of all nations,

Is finding a good way to spend it...

Phineas: (He and Ferb are in their beds, on top of a massive ski jump) Ahh! Christmas Eve. It was a great idea to climb back into bed this morning. Oh! I almost forgot! Helmets! All set? Let's do this thing.

Bowling For Soup and Chorus: Like maybe...

Bowling For Soup: Turning our beds into dual toboggans,

And sliding down a ski jump tower!

Building a snowman the size of Colossus,

Or giving a yeti a shower!

Chorus: Fa, la, la, la!

Bowling For Soup: Staging a snowball fight,

With giant catapults, And snow angels that really fly!

Rocking a Christmas carol,

Wrapping a present,

Or just shoveling snow off the drive!

Phineas: Well, they can't all be fun. Bowling For Soup: As you can see there's a whole lot of stuff to do before school starts next year,

So stick with us

'Cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna spread some Christmas cheer!

So stick with us

'Cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna spread some Christmas cheer!

Candace: Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a Christmas special!

(Scene opens up showing Phineas and Ferb's bed toboggans land on snow.)

Phineas: We're slowing down.

(Ferb presses a button and a rocket appears at the back, which then launches off)

Phineas: I...see...why...dogs...enjoy...this...sensation!!!!!

(The following scene shifts between Candace's room and a terminal at the airport)

Candace: Delayed! What do you mean delayed?

Linda: Candace, honey, the snow storm has delayed your grandparents' plane. Your father and I have to wait here at the airport until they arrived. It may be hours...

Candace: But I need your help! Stacy told me that Marcos told her that Jeremy told him that he got the perfect gift for me!

Linda: (sarcastically) Oh no. How will you manage?

Candace: Mom, think! If Jeremy found the perfect gift for me, then I have to find the perfect gift for him!

Linda: I thought you already got a gift for Jeremy.

Candace: I did, but I can't show up with an obvious, stupid present that anyone could've gotten him. The perfect gift means that you totally get the other person in the most deep and paying-attention-y way. If his gift to me is perfect and my gift to him isn't, he's gonna be so hurt and insulted, and think I'm lame and thoughtless, and he'll stop liking me! (bawling)

Linda: Oh, Candace, honey, I don't think... You poor thing. (pauses; sighs) Forgive me, boys. What are your brothers up to?

Candace: (slipping into busting mode) Not a thing. Which is weird. What are they up to? (Talks fast) Love you, Mom, gotta run, bye!

(Candace hangs up then peers out of her room with a glare. The camera pans down the hall and stops at the boys' bedroom door.)

(Scene then shifts to outside where a street is being plowed.)

Phineas: Plow!

(Ferb hits a few buttons, the bed toboggan avoids the plow, and it goes off of a snow ramp)

(Candace sneaks down the hall towards Phineas and Ferb's room)

Candace: Ee-ee-ee-ee...

Phineas: House!

(Ferb hits a button on his remote, and the boys' window opens up)

Phineas: We're coming in too fast!

(Ferb pulls a lever and deploys parachute)

Candace: Those two are sooooo busted! (yanks open door, realizes the boys are there) ...For lolly-gagging in bed? (The parachute deflates outside) That's not like you two.

Phineas: We've been working on a way to seize the day, while also not having to get out of bed so early. I think we can cross that one off our To-do List.

Candace: Let me see that. (She snatches Ferb's clipboard) What is this? Number one was write letters to Santa Claus. What, did you start this To-Do list when you were three years old?!

Phineas: We write letters to Santa Claus every year. Don't you?

Candace: Wah-hahahaha! Letters to Santa?!? Ahahahaha! That's for little kids! Hahaha!

Phineas: Santa's not just for little kids, Candace.

Candace: Okay, fine. Let's assume there is a Santa Claus.

Phineas: Well of course there is. There's been a ton of reported sightings. Oregon, 1978. Northern Scotland, 1954. The so-called Santa Cloth found in Istanbul, 1912.

(Phineas shows Candace a slide show of the reported sightings)

Phineas: Santa's one of our biggest heroes. Talk about making the most out of one day. Imagine flying around the whole world, delivering toys and gifts to everybody in one night. Ferb and I have done some cool stuff in our time, but that, that's something else.

Candace: Again, let's assume there is a Santa Claus. He's got it easy. The hard part is trying to figure out what to get people want when they don't write you a letter, telling you exactly what they want most. And by "people" I mean "Jeremy", and by "you", I mean "me"... and uh, no the rest is pretty much literal.

Phineas: Well I'm sure Jeremy would get exactly what he wanted. If he wrote his own letter to Santa.

Candace: Bwahahaha, letters to Santa!? (Laughs) That's for little kids. (Laughs)

Phineas: Wow. She's lapped us.

Candace: Wait that's it! I'll trick Jeremy into writing a letter to Santa, so I can sneak a peek and learn what he wants straight from the horse's mouth. And by "mouth" I mean "pen", and by "horse" I mean Jeremy, and... yeah we're good.

Phineas: Or you could ask him directly what he wants to avoid any unnecessary complications.

(Candace just stares at him, then laughs off his idea)

Candace: You are such a child sometimes. (She leaves the boys' room)

Phineas: You know, Ferb, just think of all the wonderful things Santa does for us, and he never asks for anything in return. Wait, that's it! Ferb, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

(Ferb hands Phineas a blueprint. Phineas studies it for a second)

Phineas: As usual, we're...Oh! Ugh! Man, no, that's not at all what I was thinking! Oh! Dude!

(Ferb turns the blueprint right-side up)

Phineas: Oh. Yeah. That's it. I'll call in the troops, you wonder where Perry is.

(As Phineas leaves the room, Ferb makes a thoughtful face)

Fa la la la la la, la la la la la la, fa la la la la la la!

(Perry puts a top hat on the snowman outside the Flynn-Fletcher house. It comes to life, a la "Frosty the Snowman")

Snowman: Hello! Wintertime's fun! Follow me! (Motions to Perry, begins to walk toward the road. Perry follows him.) Come on! Follow me! ...plow!!!

(The camera is on Perry, so we do not see the snowman's demise. Perry covers his eyes. All that is left of the snowman is his carrot nose)

(Perry comes out of an elevator into the O.W.C.A.'s headquarters)

Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P. there you are. Merry Christmas. Oh great, you brought snacks.

(Major Monogram eats the snowman's carrot nose)

Major Monogram: Wintertime's fun, follow me.

Carl: Secret Santa time. Agent P. Ah, here you are.

(Perry unwraps his gift)

Carl: Oh, a "Sal Tuscany Christmas". You lucked out, Agent P. Your secret Santa has exquisite taste.

Major Monogram: (Glaring) Criminy, Carl. It's supposed to be a secret Santa.

Carl: What? No! I didn't get it for him.

Major Monogram: Huh, right. (Chuckles)

Carl: No, really I didn't!

Major Monogram: The more you protest, the more we know you gave it to him.

Carl: Fine! Think what you want! Whatever! (Huffs in anger)

Major Monogram: Okay, Scrooge. We got it.

(Monogram's wrist communicator sounds an alarm)

Major Monogram: Uh-oh, sorry Agent P. I guess evil never takes a holiday. If you'll direct your attention to the screen. Good morning Agent P. A wise man once said... eyes on the screen.

(Perry looks back to see Carl filming Monogram, who's holding a cutout of his normal uniform. Perry then turns back around)

Major Monogram: A wise man once said, "Evil never takes a holiday". We don't know what Doofenshmirtz is up to. But he's evil, and evil people hate Christmas. It's a cliche, sad cliche. Good luck, Agent P, and Merry Christmas.

(Carl's butt appears on the screen Perry was watching)

Major Monogram: Carl! Stop filming your butt, film mine. It's a party!

(Jeremy's cell phone rings, waking him up)

Jeremy: Hello?

Candace: Happy Christmas Eve, my little drummer boy.

Jeremy: Hey, Candace. You know I don't play drums. I play guitar.

Candace: I know silly-billy. So, Whatcha doin?

(Isabella puts down newspaper, and looks around, sensing that someone has used her catchphrase)

Jeremy: Not sleeping anymore. How 'bout you?

Candace: I just thought it was the perfect day to show some Christmas spirit. Like when you were young and wrote letters to Santa... (Phineas and Ferb are seen hosting some of their thing to thank Santa) Would you keep that lame junk away from my window!? (to Jeremy) I'm sorry, what was I saying?

Jeremy: ...Writing letters to Santa Claus?

Candace: Bwahahaha, letters to Santa!? Oh! Brilliant idea. Let's get together and write letters to Santa, and be very specific, within a reasonable price range. For fun. I'll be over in a bit.

Jeremy: Candace, this isn't one of these thing...

(Candace hangs up on Jeremy)

Candace: Hehehe, he doesn't suspect a thing. (pause) I just hope this works... (sits on her bed) 'Cause I don't have a clue.

(Song: "What Does He Want?")

Candace: What kind of present does he dream about?

A leather wallet or a singing trout

What I should get him is a mystery

And if it's lame, will he still want me?

Stacy/Jenny: What does he want?

Candace: A DVD or some video games

Stacy/Jenny: What does he want?

Candace: Or maybe one of those new digital frames

Stacy/Jenny: What does he want?

Candace: Something to fit his personality

Stacy/Jenny: What does he want?

Candace: The perfect present is eluding me

Candace: My friends all tell me that I shouldn't obsess

But how can I avoid the stress?

I need to know, but right now all I can do is guess

Stacy/Jenny: What does he want?

Candace: A fancy cell phone or a tube of grout

Stacy/Jenny: What does he want?

Candace: I don't know, but I'll figure it out

Stacy/Jenny: What does he want?

Candace: Rear-view mirror glasses as seen on TV

Stacy/Jenny: What does he want?

Candace: I only wish I knew what he got me...

'Cause I hear it's perfect.

What does he want?

(Music: "S'Winter" (instrumental)")

(On top of the Flynn-Fletcher house is a giant structure, welcoming Santa)

Phineas: Awesome! Phase one complete. Hey guys.

(Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet walk up)

Buford: Cool clubhouse.

Phineas: Oh, no. This is not how you would say a "clubhouse". This is the ultimate rest and relaxation lounge, perfectly tailored to the jolly, rubenesque world traveler. (Awkward pause) It's a rest stop for Santa.

Isabella: Oh, I see.

Baljeet: Oh, why did you not just say that?

Phineas: Highlights include: sauna, massage table, satellite television, elliptical machine to work off all the milk and cookies, milk and cookies, reindeer feeding station, and of course, beard purifier. But this is only the beginning. Remember when you wrote letters to Santa asking him for presents?

Isabella/Buford/Baljeet: Yes.

Candace: (from inside) BWAH HA HA HA HA! LETTERS TO SANTA!?! AH HA HA!!

Phineas: Did you always get the presents you asked for?

Isabella/Buford/Baljeet: Pretty much, yes!

Phineas: Of course. Now did you ever write a thank-you note to Santa?

Isabella/Buford/Baljeet: Well, no, but...nobody ever told... (sighs) no.

Phineas: Well, I think it's time someone did something cool for Santa to show him we appreciate everything he does for us. So we're gonna turn the entire city of Danville into a giant, shimmering thank-you card for Santa Claus.

Buford: So what you're saying is it's not a clubhouse.

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!

(Perry bursts through Doofenshmirtz's wall)

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus. I have a present for you. And by "present," of course, I mean "trap." (Perry is wrapped in Christmas lights) Aw, look how festive you are. Wait, wait, hold on. (Puts a partridge on Perry's bill) And a partridge on a Perry  ... the Platypus! Now, Perry the Platypus, behold! The Naughty-inator! When activated, the naughty nectar in these giant glass cylinders will create a massive charged cloud of pure naughtiness. When Santa then makes his list, and checks it twice, everyone in the Tri-State Area will appear to be naughty instead of nice! And no nice equals no Santa equals no Christmas. There's just one tiny, little blemish on my otherwise perfect plan. I don't actually have a problem with Christmas. There's no tragic holiday-related back-story in my past. Christmas was always fine growing up. It wasn't great, it wasn't horrible. You see, unlike every other evil scientist, I don't hate Christmas. There are plenty of other holidays I can't stand. For example... Wait, wait, hold on. I can't get this— Uh, for example...

(Song: "I Really Don't Hate Christmas")

Doofenshmirtz: You see Valentine's is torture

And my birthday is a mess

New Year's is a lot of noise, and Arbor Day's a pest

Halloween's a horror but I guess I must confess

That I really don't hate Christmas!

You see Flag Day is infernal, April Fool's is just a bore,

Mardi Gras a waste, unless you own a candy store,

All these other holidays I can admit that I abhor

But I really don't hate Christmas

Now, it isn't that I like it, all the most I feel ambivalence,

But should I really just destroy it? I'll admit that I'm still on the fence

It makes me tense!

From the evil scientist community I'm sure to get ejected,

But for Christmas I can't seem to summon any true invective,

Because what is there to hate? I mean, it's really so subjective.

No, I really don't hate Christmas.

I hate puppy dogs and kittens, I hate flowers in the spring,

Heck, I even hate the sunshine and the birdies when they sing,

I can work up animosity for almost anything

Tell me why I don't hate Christmas

Though my childhood was atrocious, Christmas never was that bad, you see,

So the most that I can muster is complete and total apathy

What's wrong with me?

How can I prove that I'm an evil villain worth his salt

When with a holiday so jolly I can't even find a fault?

If I didn't feel ambiguous I'd launch a big assault,

But I really don't hate Christmas

Doofenshmirtz: ''Oh, what the heck. Kickline!''

No, I really...

No, I really don't hate Christmas!

Doofenshmirtz: I have an intense BURNING indifference!

Doofenshmirtz: I didn't even create the Naughty-inator myself because I compulsively, obsessively, just couldn't be bothered. Nah, the plans were mailed to me from Borneo where my Uncle Justin is rumored to be in hiding. It's really a sweet gift, but how can I destroy Christmas without having a good reason? (sighs) Well, I guess I have no choice. (Presses a button and a chair pops out of the ground and he flops in it) But to sit and wait for a reason.

Act II
(Scene opens up showing Phineas and Ferb on a podium)

Phineas: Alright everyone, I want to thank you all for helping. Grab yourself some decorations, and let's get our grateful on.

(Song: "That Christmas Feeling")

We're hanging the star above our tree,

And don't it look lovely?

The lights and the tinsel sparkling for you!

I got that Christmas feeling,

I take it everywhere I go.

And make that Christmas feeling grow!

So warm by the fireplace we glow,

All cozy and happy.

Hang all the stockings in a row with you!

I got that Christmas feeling,

I take it everywhere I go!

And make that Christmas feeling grow.

It feels like Christmas (Christmas),

Christmas (Christmas),

Come on, I know you don't want to miss this!

Let's make that Christmas feeling grow,

Oh! Let's make that Christmas feeling grow!

Candace: Got that Christmas feeling, tricked Jeremy into writing a letter to Santa. Yeah, yeah, it's that old Christmas feeling, singing what I'm doing yeah, yeah. (to Jeremy) Hello my little red nosed reindeer, ready to write our letters to Santa?

Jeremy: Hey, in a minute Candace. I'm right in the middle of something here. I was thinking you could maybe help me finish decorating. First.

Candace: No! It'll be too late! The stores will all be closed! And by "stores" I mean "the post office", and "by buying a gift", I mean "mailing the letters".

Jeremy: You didn't say "buying a gift".

Candace: Oh, good. That would have been a dead giveaway.

Phineas: Hey, everyone! The next decoration delivery is here!

Jeremy: The tinsel!

Candace: W-wait, come back! Our letters! We have to write them quickly! I already licked the stamps!

(Back at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)

Doofenshmirtz: You know, all I really want for Christmas is the ability to hate Christmas. Is that too much to ask? (knock on door) Hmm, were you expecting someone?

Carolers: We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

And a Happy New Year

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, yes. How can you hate Christmas listening to that?

Carolers: Now bring us some figgy pudding

Now bring us some figgy pudding

Doofenshmirtz: "Bring us figgy pudding." (chuckles) Well you can say please. But you know whatever great. Figgy pudding.

Carolers: We won't go until we get some

We won't go until we get some

We won't go until we get some

So bring some right here.

Doofenshmirtz: Whoa! What! Are you threatening me?

Carolers: We won't go until we get some.

Doofenshmirtz: How dare you! No one barges into my home and demand desserts. What sort of plan is that anyway? Let's go to a stranger's house and insult him in song form and refuse to leave until he hands over a fruit dish that no one's prepared since the 16th century. Well, if that's how things are, I have my reasons to push this button. So long, Christmas, you're Feliz Navi-dead to me! (Pushes button) (chuckles) See? Uh, it was Spanish.

(Roof opens and the Naughty-inator shoots into the sky)

Doofenshmirtz: (Chuckles) 'Tis the season to be naughty!

Old Caroler: Can I at least get a diet soda?

(Out in space the satellite reads the naughty and sends it to the North Pole)

Blay'n: What do we have here? Oh! Tsk! Tsk!

Clewn't: Oh Blay'n. Oop! What do you have there?

Blay'n: Oh just a bunch of last minute naughties. It's a shame, huh Clewn't?

Clewn't: Kids! They get worse every year. Ungrateful little... I'll go sit in the dark and mutter to myself.

Burdensome elf: He wasn't always that way. In fact, he used to love kids. In fact, he used to be where the action is. Toy making. In fact, he was the fastest, best toymaker of them all. In fact, they used to call him "Clewn't, the fastest, best toymaker of them all." Though they just called him "Clewn't" for short, which also happens to be his name so the nickname thing was a kind of a moot point. In fact... (The camera zooms out to see Blay'n gone) "Just go up and talk to the first person you see. That's how you make friends." I'm never going to another seminar.

(Scene cuts to Candace walking up to Phineas and Ferb)

Candace: Okay, listen, you twerps. Your ridiculous efforts to thank Santa Claus are getting in the way of my ridiculous efforts to get Jeremy into writing a letter to Santa Claus. So why don't you... Hey, what's with the clouds?

(Sky turns gray making it snow)

Phineas: Whoa! Is it me, or does the sky look really dark and ominous, as if its foreshadowing events which will have a negative impact on our lives.

(A line of mail trucks pull up)

Mailman: I'm sorry kids, looks like everyone in Danville got a return on their letters to Santa. They've all been stamped "naughty".

Phineas: What?

Jeremy: Hey, Candace, look! I did it. I wrote a letter to Santa saying in great detail what gift I want most.

Candace: Cool! Thank you my Little Town of Bethlehem. I'll just hang onto that for you.

Mailman: Oh, I'll take that buddy. Maybe you'll have better luck with Santa than your friends.

Candace: But, but... uhh!

Phineas: Santa thinks everybody in Danville's been naughty.

(Switches over to Buford with Baljeet in a snowman and a carrot in his mouth)

Buford: Now that's just nonsense.

(Switches back to Phineas)

Phineas: But, but how can that be.

Candace: Oh, well, let's see. What's different this year than last year? Oh, I know! You went out and got everyone in Danville involved in one of your off-the-cuff, harebrained schemes.

Phineas: You think this could be my fault?

Candace: Oh, who can say really? But, sometimes, we do naughty things without having any idea they're naughty. Sometimes we do an entire summer's worth of them. (glares at Phineas)

Phineas: Could this be true?

Isabella/Buford/Baljeet: Oh no...I mean how could...well I guess it...

Isabella/Buford: Maybe.

Baljeet: I am cold.

(Phineas stares at the letter)

Act III
(Scene opens up to a sad little boy)

Anchorman: This is Gordon Gutsofanemu reporting from the Googolplex Mall here in downtown Danville. The Christmas all but banished ever since Santa Claus stamped big red "naughty" across this once nice city.

(Scene shifts to Phineas waking up in a bed)

Phineas: (gasp) It was all a bad dream! Christmas wasn't cancelled!

Isabella: Phineas! No matter how many times you try that, it's not going to work.

Phineas: Maybe if I hadn't gotten out of bed today, I wouldn't have done the things Santa thought was naughty.

Isabella: So, what? Are you going to stay here for the rest of your life?

Phineas: Why not?

(Camera zooms out to reveal it was the mall)

Isabella: Well, for one, the mall closes in twenty minutes.

Buford: I don't see what everyone's so worried about. I got this system, see? You act any way you want all year long, but then right before Christmas, you do one big act selfless act of kindness and Santa will wipe your slate clean. Works like a charm.

Baljeet: Really? So I might still have my one big Christmas wish come true?

Buford: Maybe.

Baljeet: Are you not going ask me what my Christmas wish is?

Buford: Nope. It'll only wanna make me hurt you, which will counteract my one act of kindness.

Baljeet: All I want is one sweet, special Christmas kiss under the mistletoe.

Buford: I'm outta here.

Baljeet: Not from you! From a pretty girl! Do not flatter yourself!

(Scene cuts to Naughtyinator in action)

Carolers: We won't go until we get some

We won't go until we get some

(Perry chatters)

Doofenshmirtz: Ugh! Don't you see what's going on out there? Game over! Your plan failed! There's no figgy pudding! There's no Christmas! You can all just go home!

Carolers: We won't go until we get some

It's a principle of a thing

Doofenshmirtz: Ugh!

Josh: Come on guys, let's do But, it's Christmas, Becky.

Becky: You got to get over me Josh!

(Scene shifts to Jeremy on the phone)

Jeremy: Okay, bye. I gotta get home. Suzy's pretty upset that about Santa not coming.

Candace: But wait, no! Let's do some last minute window shopping.

Jeremy:  Candace, tell me what's wrong. I can't read your mind.

Candace: Yes you can. That's the problem.

Jeremy: I don't understand. What is it you want from me?

Candace: Oh, right! Like you need me to tell you that. The question is, what do you want from me?

Jeremy: I just want you to tell me what you want.

Candace: Fine! I just want you to tell me what you want.

Jeremy: I don't want anything.

Candace: Nothing? Right, yours is perfect, and I show up with nothing. Do want me to look like a total monster!

Jeremy: Candace, that doesn't even make any sense.

Candace: It's just that I think you're perfect, Jeremy. So I don't understand why you want to make me to feel like I'm not.

Jeremy: Candace, you should know me better than that. Look, I have to go home.

Candace: Oh how did this go so wrong?

(Song: "Where Did We Go Wrong?")

Phineas: How could we be naughty when I thought we'd been so nice?

Isabella: Could we have been blinded to some little hidden vice?

Baljeet: Did our visions of sugarplums not dance like they should?

Phineas: I'm rackin' my brain here, I really thought we were good.

Phineas, Baljeet and Isabella: I know you've got that list, and I know you check it twice.

But could you check it again 'cause it seems to me we were all pretty nice.

Phineas: All except for Buford, 'cause he's got that whole "last minute reprieve" theory.

Buford: ''It's gonna work. You watch.''

Phineas, Isabella, Baljeet, Candace and Jeremy: Where did we go wrong? Please tell me.

Where did we go wrong?

Where did we go,

Phineas and Isabella: Won't somebody tell me,

All: Where did we go wrong?

Phineas: No! Y-You know what? I ca-can't except this. I know Danville and Danville is not naughty. We need to send a message to the North Pole to let them know there's been some sort of mistake.

Isabella: But how do we do that?

Baljeet: Yes, they're not evening answer our mail.

(Camera zooms past Baljeet to a radio station)

Phineas: Wait! I've got an idea. Ferb, I know what else we're gonna do today.

(Scene switches to the WJOP worker talking to Phineas)

Man: The North Pole? Well I hate to tell you this Phineas, but WJOP only reaches the greater Danville area. We just don't have a very powerful transmitter.

Phineas: You leave that to us.

(Switches to Ferb angling a giant hanger to the antennae and gives Phineas the thumbs up)

(Song: "Danville for Niceness")

Phineas: Everybody's saying we're naughty,

It's getting really hard to take.

Isabella: So we've come to let the whole world know there must have been a mistake.

Baljeet: So if Santa and his elves can hear us,

We hope we've been clear and concise.

Buford: In the verses vice versus us.

Baljeet: Vice versa, us versus vice.

Everyone: Danville is very nice

Santa, please

Check your list more than twice

Guaranteed!

Blay'n: ''Danville. What's he talking about?''

Clewn't: Let me see that list of last minute naughties.

Blay'n: They're all from the same place.

Clewn't: ''Hmmm. We've got to get to the bottom of this....''

Everyone: (While Clewn't and Blay'n talk)

Danville is very nice

Santa, please

Check your list more than twice

(Scene shifts to the Carolers)

Carolers: We won't go until we get some

We won't go-

Doofenshmirtz: Uh, uh guys. Don't hate me, but I went into the kitchen to get some almond brittle...love it!...and lo and behold it turns out I did have some figgy pudding. Quite a bit actually. I, I guess this whole thing was pretty easily resolved. I feel kinda sheepish for making a big deal. Anyway here, figgy pudding.

Josh: Come on, guys. Our work here is done.

Doofenshmirtz: Bye bye now. Thank you for the evil motivation for destroying Christmas!

(Scene shift to Phineas wrapping up a wire)

Phineas: Well, that was fun at least.

Isabella: What do you think the chances are that anyone in the North Pole saw that?

Blay'n: Hello! Hello! Hello!

Phineas: I'd say pretty good.

Clewn't: So, what's all this business about Danville, then?

(Scene shifts to Perry trying to escape and he drops the CD)

Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) What's this? A Sal Tuscany Christmas... Score! What a perfect way to enjoy the last several hours before Christmas officially doesn't come.

Sal Tuscany: We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

Doofenshmirtz: Alright! You know, this one's really grown on me.

Sal Tuscany: And a happ-

(Scene shifts to Phineas and the gang with Blay'n and Clewn't)

Phineas: So that's what happened. Do you think it could be a mistake?

Clewn't: A whole city deemed naughty at once.

Blay'n: I've never seen anything like it.

(Candace walks up and notices the elves)

Candace: Huh?

Phineas: Oh hey Candace. These are two of Santa's elves.

Candace: You gotta be kidding me.

Phineas: Blay'n, Clewn't, this is my sister.

Clewn't: Ah yes, Candace Flynn.

Candace: You know who I am?

Clewn't: No, that's not a good thing.

Isabella: They're here trying to figure out why Danville was branded naughty.

Candace: Well, maybe everyone did something naughty.

Clewn't: No, it doesn't work that way. You see, everyone does naughty things from time to time but that's different from being a naughty person.

Blay'n: You see, Santa's very forgiving.

Clewn't: Oh, jolly to a fault, if you ask me.

Blay'n: Well, something is definitely screwy around here. According to these readings as if the city itself is misbehaving.

(Scene shifts back to DEI with view of the Naughty-inator)

Voice: Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. (A little monitor comes out)

Major Monogram: Uh-oh, Agent P. It turns out Carl was lying about getting you that Sal Tuscany CD.

Carl: I never said I got it for him.

Major Monogram: Quiet, Carl! Haven't you caused enough harm? (to Perry) Your "so-called" Secret Santa must've somehow infiltrated the agency and uh, until we get to the bottom of it, whatever you do, do not play that CD.

Doofenshmirtz: Boy, this Sal Tuscany guy is good. Let me crank it up some more.

(Turns up the volume)

Sal Tuscany: That's what Christmas is for!

(The partridge helps Perry out of his trap)

Sal Tuscany: Christmas cannot be destroyed!

Not even by a Naughty-inator!

Doofenshmirtz: What the? How did he...?

(Sal Tuscany sings loud enough to destroy the Naughty-inator)

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, so we'll have Christmas. I simply don't care. Curse my intensely burning apathy towards Chri-

(Perry punches Doofenshmirtz)

(Scene shifts to Baljeet)

Baljeet: Oh, it is hopeless. I am never going to get my special mistletoe Christmas kiss. (Gets a wedgie from Buford) Ah!

Buford: And I'm never going to get my one great act of kindness.

Baljeet: Those were long johns.

Phineas: What about you, Isabella? Isn't there some big Christmas wish that your afraid won't come true?

Isabella: Oh, um, we don't celebrate Christmas. But I got the coolest stuff for Hanukkah. Eight straight days of dreams come true. I mean... I'm with you guys. Boo, no Christmas.

Phineas: Come on, guys. Do you really seem like bad kids?

Clewn't: No, no, you're all good kids.

Phineas: Yes, I knew your heart will lead you to the truth.

Clewn't: No, actually the meter suddenly gave you a "nice" reading.

Blay'n: Yeah! "Nice"! "Nice"! Everywhere! Everyone "nice". (meter reads Buford) Except for him. Sorry.

Phineas: Well, that's great. All you have to do is tell Santa and Christmas is back on, right?

Blay'n: Uh, mmm. It's not that simple. You see, Santa's already left. The elves loaded the sleigh and map out his route; it's too late now. Santa's not coming to Danville.

(Everyone is shocked)

Act IV
(Scene opens up to Blay'n)

Blay'n: It's too late now. Santa's not coming to Danville.

Phineas: Well, that doesn't seem fair.

Clewn't: What are you gonna do about?

Phineas: Me?

Blay'n: Him?

Clewn't: Yeah, him. You saw his file.

Phineas: (thinks for a moment) Ferb, I know a third thing we're gonna do today. We're gonna save Christmas. Who's in?

Buford: Me.

Baljeet: I'm in.

(Ferb gives a thumbs up)

Isabella: Me too.

Candace: I guess I'm in too.

Everyone but Candace: Yay!

Clewn't: Blay'n, dust off my toy-making gloves. I've found a reason to believe again.

(Scene switches to the gang preparing the sleigh)

Phineas: Friends, I'm not going to lie to you: this is going to be difficult, but failure's not an option. Candace will keep track of who gets what presents. Blay'n and Clewn't will make the presents. Isabella and Buford wrap. And Baljeet feeds the presents in the Christmas cannon manned by Ferb. Any questions?

Buford: Yeah, are you sure that's not a clubhouse?

Phineas: Yes, I'm sure. Hang on, everybody, here we go!

(They take off)

Phineas: The cloud layer is too thick. I can't see. What happened to all the lights?

Isabella: Everyone was so bummed out, I guess they never turned them on.

Buford: I'll take care of it. Just get me in low.

(Phineas lowers the sleigh)

Phineas: Good luck, Buford!

Buford: All right, Buford, here's your chance.

(Switches back to the sleigh)

Clewn't: All right, who's first on the list?

Candace: It's Buford, but it says he's naughty.

(Switches to two men shoveling)

Man 1: Plow!

(Switches to a plow with Buford on it and ringing a bell)

Buford: Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming! Turn the lights on!

Boy: Did you hear that? Christmas is coming!

Woman: Hey, let's get those lights on.

Man 2: Yeah, let's turn on the lights!

Man 3: What are we waiting for?

(The lights turn on and the clouds blow away)

Isabella: Wow!

Baljeet: Buford did it!

Candace: But it still says he's naughty.

Clewn't: Oh, what the heck. It's Christmas.

(Clewn't changes Buford's naughty to nice)

Blay'n: So, what does he want?

Candace: To be thought of as nice by his friends.

Candace/Baljeet/Isabella: Aww.

Baljeet: Merry Christmas, old buddy!

(Switches to Buford saluting Baljeet)

(Switches back to Isabella and Phineas)

Isabella: It's beautiful.

(The gang flies over the lights that spell "Thank You Santa")

Phineas: I wish Santa could've seen it. Oh, well. Come on, guys, let's make up some lost time.

(Song: "Christmas is Starting Now")

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy: Grab some holly and mistletoe

'Cause we're gonna go out tonight

We're gonna bask in the electric glow

Of a million little colored lights

We've got a lot to do, before the dawn

So with a minimum of introspection

I think you better put your mittens on

Shake your jingle bell in my direction

Sometimes I feel like a big snowman

That's fallen under a plow

But tonight I'm on top of the world

We're gonna bring it around somehow

Christmas is startin' now!

Oh yeah, Christmas is startin' now

That's right, Christmas is startin' now

Oh yeah

Christmas is startin' now

Right now! Yeah!

Phineas: Good going, guys. We only have a few more blocks to go.

Isabella: We gotta hurry if we're gonna make it by Christmas Day.

Candace: Okay, next up: Jeremy Johnson? I don't believe it!

Clewn't: What does he want?

Candace: We can skip this one. I already got him what he really wanted. Yes!

Phineas: We're coming up on the last house. Fire away!

Baljeet: Oh, no, it is stuck.

Candace: It's Wendy Stinglehopper's present. She asked for a really big hat.

Isabella: Isn't that that pretty girl from the math team?

Baljeet: I know what I must do.

(Baljeet starts to climb the conveyor belt)

Isabella: Be careful, Baljeet!

Baljeet: Uh! Almost got it. Ah!

(Baljeet gets shot out of the cannon)

Phineas: Baljeet!

Baljeet: Goodbye, my friends! Ah!

(Baljeet starts to fall but floats down to Wendy's chimney)

Baljeet: Hey, that was fun.

Wendy: Baljeet?

Baljeet: Oh, uh, hi Wendy. Did anyone order a really big hat?

Wendy: Eee! My hat! Oh how can I ever thank you?

(The camera pans up to mistletoe)

Wendy: Hey, look, mistletoe.

(Baljeet blushes and Wendy gives him a smooch on the cheek, then he gives her a romantic kiss)

Baljeet: Later.

(Scene shifts to Doofenshmirtz tied up)

Doofenshmirtz: Okay yeah, yeah, I get it. A taste of my own medicine right?

(Perry places the partridge on Doofenshmirtz's nose) Doofenshmirtz: Oh of course, and the bird. It doesn't even work! A partridge on an evil scientist! There's no play on words. That's not clever. You're not clever!

Perry!

Doofenshmirtz: Uh, I hate Christmas. Yes! I hate Christmas! Woohoo! This is the best Christmas ever!

(Scene shifts to Phineas lowering the sleigh in the backyard)

Isabella: Woohoo!

Phineas: Yeah!

Isabella: Great job!

Phineas: Nice shootin', Ferb.

(Phineas shakes Ferb's hand)

Candace: Well done. If you'll excuse me, I gotta see Jeremy.

Phineas: Great work guys.

Baljeet: Not to alarm you, but your house is on fire.

(Camera cuts to the rest stop with smoke coming out of it)

Phineas: That's not fire, it's steam! Come on!

(The gang go up to the rest stop to see Santa's reindeer; Phineas and Isabella gasp)

Phineas: I don't believe it! Santa!

Blay'n: Uh, sir, what are you doing here?

Santa: Having a shvitz. Steam is just what the doctor ordered.

Phineas: We thought you weren't coming to Danville.

Santa: And pass up on enjoying this cool rest stop you made me? Ho! Ho! Ho! Unthinkable! And thanks for doing the Danville run for me.

Phineas: You knew?

Santa: Of course I knew! I'm Santa Claus!

(Scene shifts to Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: Oh what a mess. Curse you, Sal Tuscany! (smashes the CD) Well, I probably should call Uncle Justin and thank him for the gift anyway. Hello, operator? I would like to place a call to... Barneo? I thought it said Borneo. Wait, where's Barneo? The North Pole! Wait a second! The letters of "A Sal Tuscany Christmas" spell "Santa Claus" with an embarrassing leftover "Y". Let me see that picture. Sal Tuscany is Santa Claus?

(Scene shifts to Candace about to leave for Jeremy's)

Candace: Ah! Jeremy! I was just coming to see you.

Jeremy: Hey, Candace. I don't know what that was all about before, but I wanted to give you your present.

Candace: (gasps) The earrings I wanted. Jeremy, how did you know?

Jeremy: I remember you loved them in that magazine. And you were even gonna have your good necklace made into a pair like them.

Candace: That's so sweet. How did you afford these?

Jeremy: I sold my electric.

Candace: Oh, Jeremy. You were gonna trade that in to get that cool, new silver one.

Jeremy: You knew that?

Candace: I guess I know you as well as you know me, my bowl full of jelly. Here's your gift.

Jeremy: The silver guitar! But how?

Candace: I sold my good necklace.

Candace/Jeremy: It's perfect.

Jeremy: Merry Christmas.

Candace: Merry Christmas.

(Jeremy and Candace hug)

(Scene shifts back on the roof)

Baljeet: Funny how things worked out so that everyone pretty much got what they wanted.

Isabella: What did you wish for, Phineas?

Santa: May I do the honors? I like this one.

Phineas: Okay.

Santa: "Dear Santa, you are one of my biggest heroes. All I want for Christmas this year is a chance to be like you. Thank you, Phineas Flynn." Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas, Phineas. And by the way, good job.

Blay'n: Yeah!

Isabella: Yeah, that was fun.

Baljeet: Good job.

(Scene switches to Santa tying up the rest stop)

Santa: Well, kids, it's time for me to head home. So you're sure you don't need this?

Phineas: No, we made it for you.

Santa: Great! I'll take it to the North Pole, and use it as a clubhouse.

Buford: I knew it was a club house.

Blay'n: Goodbye!

Baljeet: Goodbye Blay'n, Clewn't. Merry Christmas!

Isabella: See you guys. Thanks Blay'n. Thanks Clewn't.

Buford: Merry Christmas to ya.

Clewn't: So long. And... thanks.

Phineas: Wait, Santa! It's true isn't it? You planned everything so everyone's Christmas wish would come true.

Santa: Well, Santa's gotta have a little fun. (starts to fly off) Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!

Phineas: Oh wait! Ferb, what did you wish for?

Ferb: Take a look at this morning's paper.

Phineas: "World peace"?

Ferb: No, no, this one down here.

Phineas: "Local boy gets harmonica"! Hey, great picture!

(Scene switches to the Flynn-Fletcher siblings going to greet their parents and grandparents)

Candace: Hey, Mom and Dad are back.

Reginald: Hey kiddies! Merry Christmas.

Phineas: Grandma! Grandpa! You made it!

Candace: Merry Christmas.

Winifred: I made figgy pudding.

(And the family walks into the house)

End Credits
(Song: "Thank You Santa")

Mitchel Musso: Christmas morning,

So much fun!

Down the stairs the children run

Someone has eaten the cookies,

And look what's left under the tree

There's presents for you and for me

As far as the eye can see

What's on the rooftop? I wondered what that was

It's reindeer flying

Around the world

Because Santa's coming

I think we all should pause to say that we're grateful

For everything he does!

Thank you Santa Claus

Thank you Santa Claus

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoaaa

A song for all the things you do,

Santa Claus we're thankin' you

A song for all the things you do,

Santa Claus we're thankin' you

A song for all the things you do, (Joy to the world!)

Santa Claus we're thankin' you (Reindeer flyin')

A song for all the things you do, (Joy to the world)

Santa Claus we're thankin' you (Reindeer flyin')

Thank you Santa Claus

(Perry is seen building a snowman again)

Snowman: Hello! Wintertime's fun! Follow me! (Motions to Perry and starts to walk towards the road) Plow! (The camera focused on Perry covering his eyes and carrot rolls over to Perry but it was revealed to be a vegetable stand) You know, on second thought, don't follow me! Man, that was close.