Tom and Jerry: The Fast and the Furry

I leave you alone for an hour, and you destroy my house? And, you, you're no better. You're both evicted! Yes, this could all be yours. This mansion with all the amenities. Located in the bucolic, exclusive surroundings... ...of Pine Valley Ranch Hills Estates. This mansion overlooks the tranquil landscape... ...of the Pine Valley Ranch Hills Estates golf course and the cemetery. This is the key that can open the door... ...to your future as a person who lives in a really big house! And it could all be yours if you are the winner... ...of The Fabulous Super Race. J. W. Globwobbler's latest television extravaganza. To enter this contest, participants must supply... ...their own all-terrain vehicles, and come on down... ...to Globwobbler Studios in beautiful Hollywood, U.S.A.! Only one spot remains. Enter today! It could belong to you! Enter today! Now look, Clown-O, your ratings are plummeting. I have an idea how to juice your show up... ...and pull your polka-dotted keister out of the fire. You need a partner. A partner? Yep. An animal partner. What? Like a dog? A monkey? A parrot maybe? Irving, wheel in Mr. Frisky. Hey, I thought you kids' show hosts liked animals. We do, sir, but this animal looks a little dangerous. Clown-O, animals can sense negative vibrations... ...so get off that chair and say hello to Mr. Frisky. I want you and Mr. Frisky to begin working up an act right away. Good dog. Stop! Get him off of me! No! No! Hey, get him off of me! - Mommy! - I'm a genius! That bear's got talent, moxie, pizzazz! What's next? Well, sir, if you'll remember, we're still looking... ...for one more contestant to round out The Fabulous Super Race. I need something crazy and wild, something totally unexpected. Halt! Action! And this is our stunt area. These are all trained professionals. Don't try this at home. - Take my hand, Clarice! - I love you, Frank! What's this? From the looks of things, they're here to audition... ...for the remaining slot in The Fabulous Super Race. Is this some kind of a joke? A pussycat and a mouse? This is about stunts and people putting their lives at risk... ...for a big fat prize. It's not a nature documentary. - Call security and have these two... - Sir! Sir, it's... ...him. - This gives me the creeps. - He's the president of Hollywood. He's supposed to give you the creeps. Greetings, Your Tinselyness. Imperious leader of Hollywood. Smile, Irving. I'm terrified, sir. Now you look, J.W. The girls and I overheard what you were saying about this cat and mouse. Yes. They want to enter the race. I was about to call security and... This is the greatest single idea for The Fabulous Super Race show yet! Good thinking, J.W., you're really on the ball. Yes, Your Sparklyness, thank you. I was sure you'd like it. From the looks of this cat... ...I'd be prepared to say he's the type that would stop at nothing to win. Absolutely. It's genius. People love a rotten-to-the-core villain. Someone who will do the things they only dream about in order to win! Remember, J.W., when in doubt, always stoop as low as you can... ...and appeal to people's basest instincts. Gosh, thanks, Your Flashiness. Right again. Well, our work here is done, ladies. Go forth, J.W. Globwobbler, and bringeth in the ratings! Well, I guess there are two slots available. Boys, you're hired. Just sign on the dotted line, boys. This will be the greatest reality game show in the history of TV. A show like this could make me vice president of Hollywood. These two are awful, sir. Yep. It's perfect! And we're live! Well, hello, everybody out there in television land... ...and welcome to The Fabulous Super Race. I'm Biff Buzzard. And I'm Buzz Blister. We're here in beautiful Detroit, Michigan... We're here in gorgeous Hollywood, California! That's right, Buzzer, The Fabulous Super Race. It should be more exciting than anything mankind has yet experienced... ...in its brief time here on planet Earth. And speaking of planet Earth, Biffster... ...that's where our race is going to take place. Right, Buzzatola. The race begins here in Southern California... ...and ends here in Mexico. And this is the "keyako" that opens the door to our terrific prize... ...a huge giant mansion. - She's a beauty, Buzz. And she will go to the winner of The Fabulous Super Race. Let's get down to the pits and meet our contestants right now. You must be...? Steed Dirkly at your service. And I'd like to say hello to all of my fans rooting for me, Steed Dirkly. And might I just add that all the proceeds I will win... ...will be donated to my favorite charity. And what might that be, Steed? Me. Well, I'm sure that warms the hearts of America. Steed Dirkly... ...a true hero with a heart of gold. Good luck. Who have we got here, Buzz-A-Roo? Why, it looks like a cute old grandma. She looks just as cute and nice... ...and sweet and old as she could be, doesn't she? Why, thank you, sonny. I'm one of those who believes you're as young as you feel. I have always been a fan of good clean fun and honest competition. And who's this cute little fella? This is Squirty. Oh, he's my whole world. Squirty! Give the nice man his finger back. Animals just don't like you, Biff. You've got to remember that. Well, good luck, Grammy. And good luck, Squirty. And what is your name, sir? I am Gorthan, Destroyer of Light. I am nervous. I've never been on TV before. Really? Well, you're on TV now. And where are you from, Mr. Destroyer? I'm guessing, from the outfit, Oakland, California! I am from Niltor, near the outer alabaster tower in the inner ring of green fire... ...in the dimension of darkness ruled by the overlords of dread. Nice. And what do you do in Niltor, Mr. Destroyer? I own a flower shop and a greeting-card store. I see. And I suppose you're looking for a shot at that big cash prize... ...and that fabulous mansion. - Yes, that would be nice. One does grow weary of the soul-crushing darkness... ...and endless screaming that fill the air of Niltor. Mr. Destroyer, I'm curious... ...what exactly powers this strange-looking vehicle of yours? It is powered by the anguish of a thousand doomed souls. It sounds like he has a soft spot in his heart for the environment, folks. Well, good luck, Gorthan, Destroyer of Light. Thank you, Biff. And you must be...? Hi! I'm Mallory from Watertown, Wisconsin. Everyone calls me Soccer Mom. Okay, Soccer Mom. And you're here in your souped-up minivan, is that right? Yeah. You know, between school and soccer games... ...and my online retail business, I decided I needed a hobby. Fantastic, Soccer Mom. Your kids must be very proud. Oh, yeah. Rufus, Gunter, Angus and Shylock are all very proud. All those boys must be a handful. No, Angus is a girl. Hi, kids! Don't forget to water the sheep! Oh, and no swordplay in the house while Mommy's gone, okay? Well, as the French say, bueno el lucko to you, Soccer Mom. And that brings us to...? I am Dr. Professor... ...a super-resourceful genius. And I will no doubt be the winner of this race. As we all know, science is golden. That looks like a pretty sophisticated piece of machinery... ...you have there, doctor. - Yes, it is. And what kind of gas does it take? - Antimatter. - Isn't that the most explosive... ...and powerful energy source known to mankind? This is it. My own specially designed antimatter engine. I never have to refuel. It uses the most efficient and powerful fuel source. So, what happens if this stuff touches matter? It would instantly vaporize anything in its vicinity. What's this little thingy here do? No! Don't touch that! That technology thing is certainly moving fast, isn't it, Biff? Boy, I'll say. And here we have a pussycat and a mouse. I didn't realize that vermin were eligible, Biff. And who on earth gave this pussycat a driver's license? And what do you two have to say to our viewers at home? That's right. They're animals, Biff, and they can't talk. No, sir, but apparently they can drive. Hey! Look at this little mouse-sized car. It's cute. What can you get this baby up to, little mouse? Four? - "Four. " - What's this little button here do? Okay. Okay, folks. With that, we are ready to get underway. And we'll see you all at the finish line in Mexico. And there they go! Attaboy, Squirty! Our contestants are going to have to employ the first of their vehicles'... ...special modifications to get around this notorious Southern California traffic. And it looks like they are doing just that, Biff. Okay. I know just what to do now. Hey, what's that pussycat up to, Biff? No good it looks like to me, Buzz. - That was a close one, Buzz. - That pussycat is dynamite! Well, it looks like pretty boy is gaining, Squirty. Squirty! No! Bad dog! Oh, Squirty! No! Drop it! Drop it! This naughty pussycat would do well in the pits of Niltor. Perhaps one of my stink pods will give him a taste of his own medicine. It's a hit, sir! It's an ultra, super, dynamic mega hit, Irving! We can't end this thing in Mexico! Call the crew, tell them to move the finish line. To where, sir? Irving, which one of these shapes is Mexico? - This one here, sir. - Let's see... ...how about if we take them to... And here come the racers, Buzz! Hey, I won! Give me that key. Not so fast. Was that a speed bump? Oh, heavenly days. Did I win? Now, don't get too excited there, racers. We've just received word from our Hollywood studio... ...that due to high ratings, The Fabulous Super Race is going to be extended. The next finish line is located deep in the heart... ...of the Amazon jungle. - What? What are you talking about? Isn't that great? Hello again, folks. Buzz Blister here in the heart of the Amazon jungle with my cohost, Biff. Our racers are forging intrepidly ahead through... ...this dense jungle on their way to this very unstable... ...and rickety-looking bridge. Here come our racers! Oh, it looks like Steed Dirkly. That was a close one, Buzz. Yes, it sure was, Biff. And here comes... Oh, it looks like Grammy. I hope she can negotiate the bridge with those slats missing. I'm right on your tail, pretty boy! Oh, no! It looks like Grammy's in trouble, Buzz! It certainly does. And it's just too bad that the rules prevent us... ...from coming to the rescue of that sweet, very old lady. No, that would be cheating, Buzz. So if this lady snaps through the rotten wooden slats of this ancient bridge... ...and falls to her doom, we'll just have to go to a commercial. She just seems so helpless and delicate. So weak, so scrawny. So noodly and frothy. So crunchy and creamy. Pretty impressive. Hey! Looks like Gorthan, Destroyer of Light, is making his crossing now. - Gorthan's in trouble, Biff! - Wow, he sure is, Buzz! That heavy metal car of his may be too much for that old bridge to handle. Knargack the Black-Winged... ...I summon thee to appear and use thine hideous powers... ...to lifteth me-eth over this obstacle-eth. Gorthan, that was some trick! Did you train that bird yourself? Oh, no. Knargack's soul belongs to that of a vanquished foe... ...who's now trapped and forced to serve. Can it talk? Could we get an interview with it? I have to get going. I'm falling behind. Right. Well, good to see you again, Gorthan, Destroyer of Light. Thank you, Buzz. Always great to see you. I wouldn't have pegged him as an animal lover. I wonder who will be next, Biff. That's funny. That doesn't look like what's on my map, not at all. Oh, well, signs don't lie. Oh, darn. I just had this washed. I'd better call GoneStar. Hello. Thank you for calling GoneStar's remote assistance department. My name is Dave. Would you like to subscribe... ...to our free music download offer? - Oh, no, thank you, Dave. See, I have an emergency going on now. I see. Well, let me locate you on my screen. You are Mallory MacDoogle, a soccer mom. I have you pinpointed in a remote and unexplored region... ...of the Amazonian jungle. - And what seems to be the trouble? - See now, that's just it. I'm sinking in deadly quicksand and I need help getting out now. I'm afraid I can't do that, Mallory. Just kidding. Well, let's consult our GoneStar quicksand computer... ...and see if we can't get you out of there. Simply follow the prompts on your screen. There are many types of quicksand on our interesting planet. There is desert quicksand, swamp quicksand and jungle quicksand. You have selected jungle quicksand. Now please choose the jungle you are in. Are you in A, the Belgian Congo... ...B, a Southeast Asian jungle or C, the Amazonian jungle? Amazonian, yeah. Now choose what you would like to do with the quicksand you have selected. Would you like to A, make quicksand, B, garden with quicksand... ...or C, get out of quicksand? To get out, press... Wait a ding-dang minute here. You know, I think somebody might've done this on purpose. Oh, no, don't go that way, little mouse. The race is this way, yeah! My van sank in the quicksand, so I guess I'm out. Here, have an orange. It will give you energy. Good luck! - Too bad about Soccer Mom, Buzz. - Yes, I was kind of rooting for her. But what's this? That crazy pussycat... ...has stopped at the end of the bridge. He's got a saw. I sense a dirty trick coming up. Looks like that one backfired on the pussycat. It sure does, Buzzalito. And this river is infested with pussycat-eating piranha fish. - That's Tierra del Fuego, sir. - And that? That would be the Antarctic, sir. Fantastic! The racers will have to modify their cars and sail across water to make it there. That should boost the ratings even higher! Folks, I've just heard from Hollywood and have received some terrific news... ...that I'm sure our racers will be pleased to hear! Our racers are now going to head for the southernmost tip of South America... ...where they will prepare for the difficult crossing... ...from Cape Horn to the Antarctic. And won't our racers be excited and happy to hear that! And here they come! - Give me that key! - Not so fast, Steed. Biff has some news for you all! That's right, all. The race has been extended. And we will see each and all of you in the Antarctic! Good luck, everyone! Avast, Squirty! It'll take more than a little drizzle to keep us from winning. This reminds me of sailing Blood Blister Bay back in Niltor. No, this is terrible. Stop sinking! Well, maybe this isn't so bad after all. Well, Miss Mermaid... ...you are in luck. Because Steed Dirkly has just washed upon your shore. And as soon as you dry these damp clothes, I'll reward you... ...by letting you fix my dinner. Hey, this just in, Biffo. Oh, some disappointing news from the Southern Atlantic. It seems Steed Dirkly is being parboiled in a briny bouillabaisse... ...and served with a caper dill cream mousseline. Buzzby, he's out of the race. But he sounds delicious. Well, Gorthan, congratulations on being the first one to make it to the Antarctic. Thank you, Buzz. And hello, Biff. Say, Gorthan, have you ever heard that thing... ...about sticking your tongue on a piece of frozen metal? No. What do you mean? Well, Gorthan, they say if you touch your tongue... ...on a frozen piece of metal, it will stick. - What? - Yes. What do you think, Gorthan? Will it stick, yes or no? Well, no, that's nonsense. The answer is no. It wouldn't stick. Well, what about putting your money where your mouth is, Gorthan? - What do you mean? - Well, we have the south pole right here. Why not give it a try? What? You mean, stick my tongue on this stupid metal pole here? Who would have thought that the so-called Destroyer of Light... ...was really just a big wimp. - Look, I'm warning you! No need to resort to evil magic, Gorthan. If you think your tongue won't stick... ...just go ahead and show us. All right. If only to prove to you mortals that you are wrong! Here. Well, go on, Gorthan. I'm doing it, I'm doing it. There. You see? I told you. - Told you. - I knew it. Hey, Buzz, look. The ice is cracking. Gosh, you're right, Biff-O-Rama. Let's hop over to safety. Hey, what about me? Come on, fellas. And it looks like Gorthan is out of the race. It sure does, Buzzo. But at least we proved once and for all that your tongue will stick... ...to a metal pole if it's cold enough. - And that's something. I curse your souls, mortals! Boy, somebody sure is a sore loser. That leaves the pussycat, the mouse and, of course, Grammy. Yes. And here they are. Let's have a word with Grammy. Say, Grammy, I'm sure the folks at home... ...would like to know how you feel about the race thus far. Well, it's a wonderful competition. It's good for a person to participate... ...in old-fashioned, clean, wholesome fun! Squirty. Squirty! Grammy's coming! Mr. Pussycat... ...how are you going to sleep at night after a rotten trick like that? I think he'll sleep just fine, Buzz. Looks like the pussycat is in the lead. Well, it seems we are down to only two competitors now, Biffy. That's right. A cat and a mouse. A predator and the prey. - The overdog and the underdog. - The eater and the eaten. - The big and the small. - Okay, Biff, I think we get the idea. Just take a look at the ratings for the show, sir. Holy cow, they're through the roof! If this doesn't make me vice president of Hollywood, I don't know what will. We gotta keep this up. What can we do to make the show more exciting? Where are they? They're racing across the Antarctic. The next stop is Australia. Australia, huh? Isn't that where Mozart is from? No. That's Austria, sir. Oh, right. So how should we have them get there? Well, standard procedure is to fly or sail, sir. You gotta learn how to think out of the box, Irving. But how else would they get there? There's an enormous body of water... ...between the Antarctic and Australia. - Precisely. - You mean...? - Yes, keep going. - Underwater, sir? - Bingo! That's the kind of thinking that will keep you out of the mailroom. The leg of the race between Antarctica and Australia will be held underwater. It'll be a television first. Let's just see how high we can get these ratings to go. Well, I see the mouse, Buzz, but no sign of the pussyc... Wait! His car is there, but the pussycat is not in the vehicle. As we all know, the contestant must be in his vehicle in order to stay in the race. Congratulations, Mr. Mouse! You have taken the lead. You're that much closer to owning your very own mansion. Now it's time to modify your vehicle... ...because the next leg of the race to Australia is taking place. Underwater. Tough break for the pussycat. Yes, cats don't like water at all. Especially this one. Mr. Globwobbler, sir, the pussycat is out of the race. I love that cat. That backstabbing feline drove our ratings through the roof. - Get him back in the race! - Yes, sir. Take it easy, Punchy. Oh, we're on. G'day all you mates and sheilas. We're here... Biff, no, it's "g'day. " Like, duh, you pronounce the "guh" sound. Well, now I'm all self-conscious and it sounds weird to me. I think you better do it. All right. Then here, you take Punchy. I don't think this kangaroo likes me very much, Buzz. Nonsense. Take the leash. G'day, folks. We're here down under in beautiful, hot, humid, bug-infested Australia. And, folks, say hello to our Australian ambassador of good will, Punchy... ...the boxing kangaroo. Isn't he cute, folks? He's adorable. G'day. The next portion of the race will take place in the rugged outback. Isn't that right, Biff? Then on north up to Weipa in the northernmost portion of Australia. The next leg of our race is about to begin. Here they come! It looks like Grammy. Yes. And that's amazing. Because the last time we saw her, she had been eaten by a whale. Never underestimate the elderly, Buzz. Especially Grammy. No, sir. This old bat is full of surprises. Hey, it's the mouse. Any sign of the pussycat, Mr. Mouse? I think it's curtains for the pussycat, Buzz. And that's too bad. His rotten attitude was making this race so exciting. Well, good luck, rodent. Oh, my little spud! I love you! Let's burn rubber, Squirty! Wait a minute, Biff, what's that? Well, Biff, it looks like the network has taken a liking to a certain pussycat. Why bother? He can't win. Grammy and the rodent are already halfway across Australia. Yes. I think we can stick a fork in the pussycat, because he's toast. And so is his car. Well, it's always encouraging to see a guy who won't give up. Yes. But this case is hopeless. There's no way the pussycat will be able to make up the gap... ...between the mouse and Grammy. Yes. He'd pretty much have to saw the entire continent of Australia in half. And that's extremely unlikely. Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. No! He's not gonna... He sure is gonna. That crazy pussycat is going to saw Australia in half. - How about that, folks? - That's some determined pussycat. I'll say, Biff. We'd better get off this continent... ...before it sinks to the bottom of Davy Jones' Locker. Oh, you rotten, dirty pussycat. Well, it serves you right, you naughty pussycat. We're going down, Squirty. Quick, the parachutes! Why, you ungrateful little stinker. If it weren't for me, you'd still be at the animal-testing lab... ...having antiperspirant sprayed in your eyes and drinking paint. Geronimo! Open the chute, Squirty. Open the chute! Oh, Squirty, I can't... Sir, Grammy is out of the race. The pussycat did her in. - It's just him and the mouse now. - This whole caper is falling apart. Listen up, Irving. This race is taking too long. The public have the attention span of a cocker spaniel. You'd better speed up the last leg of the race or your sorry butt goes bye-bye. But we told the public this race would go through the greatest cities in the world. And we haven't even been to Cleveland yet. Irving, the public doesn't want a bunch of pretty cities. They want action. Action and plenty of explosions. Now, I want this race wrapped up in five minutes, Irving... ...or you'll find yourself sorting mail. - Yes, sir. Well, it looks like the lower life forms have taken the lead. That's right, Buzz-Buzz, and just as well. I think they've done something for the self-esteem... ...of fur-covered animals everywhere. Tom and Jerry, as the only surviving drivers in our Super Race... ...we're giving you two nuclear-powered, rocket-car, jet-plane, hovercraft things. And there's a teensy change in plans. You've only got five minutes to finish the race! That's right. Once you racers leave Borneo... ...you'll cross Europe and the Atlantic Ocean to the good old U.S. Of A. There you'll cross the continent to reach the finish line in Hollywood, California... ...in five minutes! So good luck. And may the best lower species win. Biffette, we're here at the finish line, where the crowd waits anxiously... ...to see if the winner will be the cat or the mouse. Holy smokes, folks. We can hear them heading right this way. They're neck and neck. Isn't that right, Biff? That's right. I too can hardly speak anything articulate with all this excitement. At those speeds, how long do you think it'll take them to reach the finish line? I'm with you. It's hard to form even a simple sentence with this excitement. But who will win? The cat or the mouse? Feline or rodent? Pet or pest? The couch-scratcher or the cheese-nibbler? Who, Biff, who? And here they come, folks. What an incredible final lap. Right, Biffaroni? And they're a mere 5 feet from the finish line. And in the lead is Tom. No, Jerry. No, Tom. No, Jerry! Tom. Jerry. Tom. Jerry. Tom! Jer... T! J! - It's a tie! - It's a tie! Congratulations, boys. I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, you just finished the most spectacular race in history. The bad news is, it's a tie. And your contract says you'll both have to do the race... ...all over again. From now on, Hollywood is going to stand for morality, wholesomeness... ...good, clean, family entertainment. What's gotten into him? We can't have that kind of attitude in Hollywood. Well, today is your lucky day, Irving. Or should I say new head of Globwobbler Studios! Gosh. Head of Globwobbler Studios. Well, how nice of you to get me a new home... ...since you wrecked my old one. And while we're... Tom, there's that mouse again. Get that mouse out of our house! Well, don't just stand there, do something! Get going! Go on, hurry! Get that mouse out!