The Discovery Dissipation


 * Sheldon: Yeah, well, I’m not just some trained money dancing for coins.
 * Leonard: Of course you’re not. People love trained monkeys.
 * Penny: How can you not be happy? You’re tall, thin, and famous. Oh, my God. I’m jealous of Sheldon.


 * (The scene of Sheldon is playing with his train set in his bedroom).
 * Sheldon: Here comes the Embarrassment Express. It stops at Fraudville, Wonder-Blunder-Berg and Kansas City, because it's a hub.


 * (The scene at the "Howardette" apartment where Bernadette is vacuuming the carpet and Howard is playing a video game).
 * Bernadette: (she's asking her husband crossly) Want to pause the video game and help me clean up?
 * Howard: I am cleaning up. Look at the mess the Joker made of Gotham City.
 * Bernadette: (1st time: smiling crossly to him) Come on, it’s your friend who’s coming to stay here.
 * Howard: Raj grew up in India. Trust me, he’s seen worse. (He stops the game).
 * Bernadette: (2nd time: smiling crossly to him) Howie.
 * Howard: I promise I’ll help out the rest of the week.
 * Bernadette: (she informs him crossly) The rest of the week? You said it was just gonna be a night or two.
 * Howard: Yeah, but if I told you a week, would you have said yes?
 * Bernadette: (she is now very cross) No.
 * Howard: Then you left me no choice.
 * (Howard walks of to the sink and Bernadette is now even more cross)
 * Bernadette: (she tells him about Raj crossly) I love Raj, but that’s a long time for a house guest.
 * Howard: I know, but they’re tenting his building. He can’t find a hotel he likes that allows dogs.
 * Bernadette: (she asks him with huge anger) He’s bringing Cinnamon?
 * Howard: For a whole week, the nerve of some people
 * (Bernadette just glares at Howard crossly with more anger and says nothing).


 * Sheldon: Yes, I'd be a physicist with a Nobel Prize in chemistry. Everyone laugh at the circus freak.


 * Howard: You’re gonna brush your teeth on my couch?
 * Raj: No, I’m gonna brush Cinnamon’s teeth.
 * Howard: Why bother? She spends half the time licking her butt.
 * Raj: And the other half licking my face. That’s why I’m brushing her teeth.
 * Bernadette: Hey, guys. Sorry I’m so late. Did you already have dinner?
 * Howard: No, we were waiting for you.
 * Bernadette: Aw, that’s so sweet.
 * Howard: Yeah. So what do you feel like making?
 * (Bernadette smiles crossly at Howard's question)
 * Raj: Howard, the poor thing just got home from work. Let me get you a glass of wine. I’ll cook dinner.
 * Bernadette: (snaps at him crossly) Oh, Raj, you’re our guest.
 * Raj: Don’t be silly. Sit. You look like you’ve had a long day.
 * Howard: No, she always looks like that.
 * (Bernadette pauses and glares at her husband crossly)
 * Howard: Because she married an idiot.
 * Bernadette: (smiles and sits down) Thank you, Raj.
 * Raj: Please, this is my way of thanking you for letting me stay here. Now, tell us all about your day.
 * (Scene of Raj sitting down onto the sofa whilst Bernadtte speaks)
 * Bernadette: (out of vision) Okay, um, well, first, I was late to a meeting (scene of Bernadette speaking) ’cause I was stuck in traffic.
 * Howard: Well, I keep telling you to put that traffic app on your phone.
 * Raj: Hey, when you got home today complaining that you felt sick from eating too many jelly beans, did I tell you how to fix it? No. I said, aw, that must hurt, and I rubbed your belly.
 * Howard: (quietly sad) I thought of you the whole time.
 * Raj: All I’m saying is there’s a time to just listen.
 * Bernadette: Thank you.
 * Raj: There’s also a time to stop eating too many jelly beans. And it’s when you’re ten.
 * (Howard and Bernadette react at Raj and say nothing)


 * Barry Kripke: (enters Sheldon's office) There he is! (laughs) Ha! It's my favorite superhero, The Retractor!
 * Leonard: Come on, don't give him a hard time.
 * Barry Kripke: (to Sheldon) I'm sorry, Cooper. I retract it! (to Leonard) By the way, Hofstadter, nice job disproving the Chinese team.
 * Leonard: It's not a big deal.
 * Barry Kripke: It's a huge deal. Cooper, maybe physics just isn't your thing. Have you ever considered a career in retail? Then you could take things back for a living. (snickers)
 * Leonard: Barry, that's enough.
 * Sheldon: No, that's alright. I am capable of fighting my own battles. Isn't that right, "Bawwy"?
 * Kripke: Is, is that a reference to my speech impediment? That's pretty hurtful.


 * Sheldon: To really understand the story here, we need to start at the very beginning. A small town in East Texas where a young genius named -
 * Leonard: - Sheldon!
 * Sheldon: Yes, that's right, Sheldon Cooper. He was bitten by his neighbor's dog, leading to his first scientific breakthrough: the Doggy Death Ray. Which sadly he couldn't build because Santa wouldn't bring him enriched uranium.


 * Penny: You know if we did a shot every time they said something embarrassing, this would be one hell of a drinking game.
 * Amy: Little early for alcohol, isn't it?
 * Sheldon: (On the radio) You know, I don't just say smart things about science, I also yodel. *Yodeling*
 * Amy: I'll get the vodka.


 * Bernadette: Aw! Raj did the dishes.
 * Howard: How do you know I didn’t do them?
 * Bernadette: (smiling crossly) Because once, when all the knives were dirty, you cut a bagel with your keys.
 * Raj: Good morning, everybody. I picked up coffee while I was out. Bernadette, here’s your soy peppermint mocha.
 * Bernadette: Aw, you didn’t have to do that.
 * Raj: Oh, my pleasure, and don’t worry about your presentation today. You’re gonna be great.
 * Howard: Yeah, you’re gonna knock it out of the park.
 * Bernadette: (asking Howard crossly) What presentation do I have today?
 * Howard: Just go.
 * Raj: He loves you.
 * Howard: What are you doing? Are you trying to make me look bad?
 * Raj: I’m just being a good house guest.
 * Howard: No, you’re being a better husband than I am. Doing the dishes, getting coffee, knowing about her life, who does that?
 * Raj: Oh, come on, I brought you one, too.
 * Howard: I don’t want coffee.
 * Raj: That’s why I got you hot chocolate.
 * Howard: Give me that. Just stop showing me up.
 * Raj: Howard, listen to me. You’re a great husband. Yes, your listening skills could use some work. But it’s amazing how far you’ve come given that you’re an only child raised by an over-protective mom.
 * Howard: Um, is this getting weird?
 * Raj: Hang on.
 * Howard: So, yes.


 * Sheldon: But none of you know what this is like. Being celebrated for something you wish you never did.
 * Penny: You clearly haven't been with me at Mardi Gras.


 * (The scene at the 'Howardette' apartment where Raj, Howard and Bernadette are having dinner together).
 * Bernadette: Raj this dinner was amazing. If you’re here much longer, I’m going to have to buy bigger clothes.
 * Raj: Nonsense. You need a little fattening up. You've been looking too skinny lately
 * Bernadette: Ah. Howie, how come you never say anything sweet like that?
 * Howard: What are you talking about? Remember last week when I asked if you were wearing spanks and you weren't? How's that different?
 * (Bernadette turns rather cross at Howard's questions)
 * Bernadette: (she tells Howard off) Maybe you should try to be more thoughtful like your friend Raj.
 * Howard: Well, maybe you could try to be more like Raj.
 * Bernadette: (she's asking Howard crossly) Oh, really?
 * Howard: Yea. Yea. He packed me a lunch this morning and there was a note inside that said “Go get’em.”
 * (Bernadette scoffs with anger by this)
 * Bernadette: (she is now very, very cross) Like I don’t do enough around here? (scene of Raj listening to the angry Bernadette) Now I need to pack your lunch? (Scene of Bernadette yelling angrily at Howard) And by the way, why do you need a note to telling you to “Go got’em". You’re a grown man; you should know “Go get’em”.
 * (Howard reacts at the "Mrs. Wolowitz" tone that Bernadette has used at the end of that sentence)
 * Howard: I do know to “Go get’em”, but sometimes it’s nice to have emotional support when I’m going and getting them.
 * (Scene of Raj coming back to the table and reassures them)
 * Raj: Hey. Hey. Do you hear yourself? (he sits down) No more. Calm down and take a step back.
 * (Bernadette now sighs in fury)
 * Bernadette: (she is still very cross) This is stupid. Why are we fighting?
 * Howard: I don’t know. I guess I was just feeling like I’m a lousy husband.
 * Bernadette: (she speaks sadly and crossly) You’re not a lousy husband. You’re a great husband. I was the one feeling like a lousy wife.
 * Howard: Are you kidding? You’re the best! I know what the problem is. It’s him.
 * (Raj looked shocked at Howard for a second)
 * Raj: Oh. What did I do?
 * Howard: You made it feel like we were not trying hard enough.
 * Bernadette: (she is now extremely cross with Raj) Yea. We were totally fine “half-assing” our marriage ‘til you showed up.
 * Raj: Look I’m sorry you’re upset with me, but I’d like to say it’s nice to see the two of you on the same page
 * Howard: It does feel good having you backing me up for once.
 * (Scene of the angry Bernadette)
 * Bernadette: (she is still extremely cross) I back you up all the time.
 * Howard: That is not... You’re doing it again!
 * Bernadette: (she's gigantically angry with Raj for the final time) What is wrong with you?
 * (Raj reacts at the aggressive Howard and Bernadette)


 * (The scene of Raj at Apartment 4A with Penny and Leonard after Bernadette and Howard had sent him out of their apartment)
 * Leonard: (surprised) I can’t believe they kicked you out.
 * Raj: (grumpy) I can’t believe they’re still married. (moans) Oh, no, I forgot Cinnamon’s toothbrush at Howard’s. I guess you’re sharing with Daddy again.
 * (Raj exits and Penny looks down at Cinnamon's crate)
 * Penny: (whispers to Cinnamon) Bark once if you need me to call PETA.
 * (Enter Sheldon and Amy)
 * Sheldon: What’s that animal doing in our apartment?
 * Leonard: (reassuring Sheldon) Oh, relax, she’s in her crate. She can’t get out.
 * Sheldon: I have two words for you, Jurassic Park. This day just keeps getting worse and worse.
 * Penny: You know, if it makes you feel any better…
 * Sheldon: It probably won’t.
 * Penny: You’re probably right.
 * Amy: Sheldon, it’s a beautiful night. Why don’t you and I go for a nice walk together?
 * Sheldon: Oh, everything is just sex with you isn’t it?
 * Raj: Sheldon, I think you might find the support you’re looking for if you realize that relationships are a give and take. She can only be there for you as much as you are for her.
 * Amy: Thank you, Rajesh.
 * Raj: And, Amy, you need to be patient with Sheldon, instead of pressuring him to accept intimacy on your terms.
 * Amy: (snaps at Raj crossly) You should probably go.