The Speckerman Recurrence


 * Sheldon: One for good luck... Must be the kind of math they do at Princeton.


 * Sheldon: Congratulations, the Newcomb Medal...Oh, please. That's a scientific equivalent of a smiley face sticker on your homework.
 * Rajesh: Hey! I won a Newcomb Medal, too.
 * Sheldon: My point.


 * Sheldon: Technically, Howard's the gearhead. Leonard's just a.


 * Sheldon: I help the weak. It's yet another way I'm exactly like Batman.


 * Sheldon: I'm not going to say I told you so, but we could have killed him.
 * Leonard: I might kill him right now.
 * Sheldon: The Dark Knight has your back. He's scared, but he has your back.


 * Leonard: It's 2am. What are you doing up?
 * Sheldon: Nobel Prize acceptance ceremony streaming live from Stockholm.
 * Leonard: Sure. You want to see what all the scientists are wearing this year.
 * Sheldon: Look at these men...They've managed to win the top science prize in the world with no more understanding of the quantum underpinnings of the expansion of the early universe than God gave a goose. You should pay attention, Leonard. Someday this could be you up there.
 * Leonard: Thanks.
 * Sheldon: So, what's got you up? Did you have a bad clam?
 * Leonard: I didn't have clams.
 * Sheldon: I don't watch you 24 hours a day. I don't know what you do.
 * Leonard: It’s this Jimmy Speckerman thing. I can’t decide if I should agree to see him or not. Of course that might be because the last time I ran into him, he made me floss with my own shoelaces.
 * Sheldon: Wear loafers. Look at Dr. up there, clutching that Nobel Prize. What's the matter, Saul? You afraid someone's going to steal it, like you stole Einstein's ?
 * Leonard: You know what? I am tired of living in fear of this guy. I’m gonna go see him and finally say all the things I should have said in high school. You know, pick on someone your own size, you did not have sex with my mother, and yes, I do know why I’m hitting myself.
 * Sheldon: Oh, now Perlmutter's shaking the king's hand. Check for your watch, he might have lifted it.


 * Leonard: Rekindles your faith in the basic goodness of people.


 * Sheldon: You know what would be nice?
 * Raj: What?
 * Sheldon: As a symbolic gesture to all the bullies who've tormented us for years, we open our home to Jimmy, and once he's asleep, we kill him.
 * (They all look at him)
 * Sheldon: I said it would be nice, I didn't say we should do it.


 * Bernadette: I love this dress! How come I never see you wear it?
 * Penny: Cause when I wear it it's a shirt.


 * Bernadette: Oh, they all went with Leonard to confront his high school bully.
 * Penny: Oh, terrific. High school against 4 Mathletes.


 * Amy: When Leonard gets back, I'd love to check his levels. Do you think he'd let me draw a  full of his blood?
 * Penny: Mm, he's not crazy about needles, but if you get him to go it'll just pour out of his nose.


 * Bernadette: I don't think I can meet the girl who was always mean to me. Tammy Bodneck. One time, while I was in gym class, she stole all my clothes and left an elf costume in my locker.
 * Penny: Oh, that's awful!
 * Bernadette: Worst part was it was too big.


 * Howard: Hey, we're here to support you, buddy.
 * Leonard: No, you're not. You're here to see if I'll get my.
 * Howard: You wore underwear? You fool!


 * Amy: Who would have thought? Fuzzy Fingers Fowler is best friends with a bully.


 * Amy: Shh... that's how you wind up in the.


 * Sheldon: You know the holidays are just around the corner. Maybe he just wants to see if he can lodge the other testicle up there.
 * Leonard: I told you, that was a different guy.
 * Penny: Well, that's too bad. Could've spent.


 * Penny: (entering) Hi. Did Sheldon change the Wi-Fi password again?
 * Leonard: Yeah, it’s “Penny already eats our food she can pay for Wi-Fi.” No spaces.


 * Leonard: Okay, Jimmy, it’s time for you to go.
 * Jimmy: Yeah, all right, let me just finish this.
 * Leonard: No, you’re done. I want you out of my apartment right now.
 * Sheldon: Well said, Boy Wonder.
 * Jimmy: Or what?
 * Sheldon: Don’t answer that. It’s a trick question. I speak from experience.
 * Leonard: I’m not afraid of you any more, Jimmy. Now get out! (pushes him) Uh-oh.


 * Sheldon: You did it, Leonard, you stood up to your bully.
 * Leonard: Yeah, I feel pretty good about myself. You think we can outrun him?
 * Sheldon: I don’t need to outrun him. I just need to outrun you.


 * Sheldon: In the year 2000, Pope John Paul II was named an honorary Harlem Globetrotter.
 * Leonard: What are you talking about?
 * Sheldon: You asked Penny if she wanted to hear something weird.
 * Leonard: Yeah, because I have something weird to tell her.
 * Sheldon: Oh. I thought it was a game.
 * Penny: What’s yours?
 * Leonard: There’s this guy, Jimmy Speckerman, who used to torment me in high school. He sent me a message through Facebook. He’s in town and wants to have drinks.
 * Sheldon: Okay, Penny, if it were a game, here are your choices. An e-mail from an old acquaintance, or the head of one of the largest religious institutions in the world slam dunking to Sweet Georgia Brown. Pick.
 * Leonard: Just do it, ’cause he’s not gonna let it go.
 * Penny: Basketball Pope.
 * Sheldon: And that’s how it’s done.
 * Penny: What are you gonna do about your bully? Are you gonna see him?
 * Leonard: I don’t know.
 * Sheldon: Is this the fellow who peed in your Hawaiian Punch?
 * Leonard: No, that was a different guy.
 * Sheldon: Was he the one who wedgied you so hard, your testicle reascended, and you spent your whole Christmas break waiting for it to come back down?
 * Leonard: No, that was a different, different guy.
 * Sheldon: Was he the one who used your head to open a nut?
 * Leonard: No.
 * Sheldon: Oh, oh, oh. Was he the one who made you eat your arm hair?
 * Leonard: No, but, actually, that was this guy’s sister.
 * Penny: All right, well, what do you think he wants?
 * Leonard: I don’t know.
 * Sheldon: You know, the holidays are just around the corner. Maybe he wants to see if he can lodge the other testicle up there.
 * Leonard: I told you. That was a different guy.
 * Penny: Hmm. That’s too bad. We could have spent New Year’s Eve waiting for the ball to drop.