Share-A-Lair


 *  (episode starts at T.U.F.F. headquaters; daytime) 


 * The Chief: "Attention T.U.F.F. agents! We're expecting a transmission from our new field operative-"


 * (slurping noises; Dudley is licking up water from the toilet bowl)


 * The Chief: (via monitor) "Agent Puppy, I told you not to drink from the toilet!"


 * Dudley: "I'm not, this is the water fountain."


 * The Chief: (points) "That's the water fountain!"


 * Dudley: "Ohhh, someone should hang a sign. In the meantime, NOBODY DRINK FROM THE WATER FOUNTAIN!


 * (Kitty, who happens to be drinking from the fountain, spits water out in disgust and wipes it off her tongue)


 * Keswick: "Chief, the transmission from our new operative Agent Rodentski is c-c-c-c-coming through." (holds ball, which opens and projects a hologram of Agent Rodentski)


 * Agent Jumbo: "Eeek! A mouse!" (stomps hologram of mouse, [which is unaffected] crushing the Chief in the process)


 * Agent Rodenski: (hologram) "Red alert T.U.F.F. agents! D.O.O.M. is about to launch a missile strike against TUFF headquarters!"


 * The Chief: "All right everyone, assume Defensive Maneuver 17!"


 * Dudley: "What's that?"


 * Keswick: (typing quickly) "Launch a counterstrike and r-r-r-run scream into the bathroom." (presses button, missile countdown starts and red alert)


 * (everyone runs screaming into bathroom, except for Dudley who runs in the opposite direction)


 * Kitty: (disembodied) "Dudley, that's the water fountain!"


 * Dudley: "I told you to hang a sign!"


 *  (missiles launched from T.U.F.F. HQ; quick cut to Snaptrap playing a Scrabble-like game in his lair with the rest of his posse) 


 * Snaptrap: (placing tile) "That's schmoodled, for 370 points!"


 * Larry: "That's not a word! Use it in a sentence." (Snaptrap blasts larry)


 * Snaptrap: "There. I schmoodled Larry."


 * (receives a transmission from Agent Weaselman)


 * Snaptrap: "Hey look, it's our new field operative Agent Weaselman. Sorry you're not here at our ice cream social. We're having pistachio with rainbow sprinkles."


 * Agent Weaselman: (via hologram in a German accent) "Actually I'm glad I'm not there. T.U.F.F. has launched a missile strike against you. You're about to be schmoodled!"


 * Snaptrap: "Aaaaahhhh! Launch a counterstrike while I finish Larry's ice cream!" (Ollie launches missiles)


 * (T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M.'s missiles fly by each other in the air, then fall and destroy their opponents' HQs)


 * Dudley: (in T.U.F.F.'s ruins) "Boy, we really got schmoodled."


 * The Chief: "We'll need a temporary HQ while T.U.F.F. is being rebuilt. I know the perfect spot!"


 * (cut to kids playing at Pete-Za Possum Party Palace; T.U.F.F. agents are eating pizza)


 * The Chief: "I told you this was perfect. Someone pass me a slice of pepperoni." (kid drops pizza slice on The Chief) "Thank you Tommy. Oh, and happy birthday."


 * (Dudley, Keswick and Kitty emerge from ball pit)


 * Keswick: "Bad news Chief. We all got pink eye from the b-ball pit. Also, we're getting another emergency tra-tra-transmission from Agent Rodentski."


 * (Rodentski appears on TV monitor; Agent Jumbo reacts in horror, jumping backwards and crushing Chief again)


 * Agent Rodentski: "Red alert, D.O.O.M. is launching another missile strike!"


 * The Chief: "Tommy, blow out the candles and initiate counterstrike!" (kid blows candles, lifts cakes and presses button; missiles launched from roof)


 *  (cut to D.O.O.M. in Mrs. Yip's Salon) 


 * Snaptrap: "This is the perfect place for our new headquarters. We can discuss our top secret evil plans, and get a mani-pedi! I love the polish I picked!"


 * Agent Weasleman: (on TV) "Attention D.O.O.M.! T.U.F.F. has launched another missile strike!"


 * Snaptrap: "We need a counterstrike! Mrs. Yip, shave my toes and fire the missiles!" (Mrs. Yip takes out chainsaw and presses button hidden in bust)


 * (missiles are launced from a hood hair-dryer on the salon's roof; T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. missiles fly by each other once again, to destroy the other's new HQ; explosion followed by a cut to D.O.O.M. in a library)


 * Snaptrap: "I love our new library lair! There's free wi-fi and I found this great book on how to grow your own herb garden."


 * Librarian: "Shhhh!" (leaves)


 * Snaptrap: "Sorry Mrs. Handleman!" (whispers) "Larry, go put a cobra in her car." (Larry goes off with cobra)


 * (D.O.O.M. receives a transmission via laptop)


 * Agent Weaselman: "Attention D.O.O.M., T.U.F.F. is planning another attack. Which means we should strike first!"


 * Snaptrap: "Honestly Weaselman, do you ever call with good news? Fire the missiles!"


 * (D.O.O.M. missiles launched from library destroy T.U.F.F. headquarters off-screen; in reply T.U.F.F. launches missiles to destroy library, causing D.O.O.M. to launch even more missiles to which T.U.F.F. replies with another missile launch)


 * (D.O.O.M. missiles destroy T.U.F.F. coffee shop; T.U.F.F. missiles destroy D.O.O.M. treehouse; D.O.O.M. missiles destroy T.U.F.F. phone booth; T.U.F.F. missiles destroy D.O.O.M. portable toilet)


 *  (transition to T.U.F.F. agency in what seems to be a dump; T.U.F.F. agents are injured, Dudley, Kitty, Keswick and The Chief are huddled around barrel fire) 


 * The Chief: "This is crazy! We can't conduct top secret business in the dump!"


 * Keswick: "It's not the dump, it's city hall. We accidentally bleubleh-blew it up."


 * (realtor emerges from trash heap)


 * Bunny: "Hi, I'm Bunny with Petropolis Realty and I just happen to be trawling the dump for clients. You folks look like you could use a new office."


 * Dudley: "Nah we're good. We've got a camp fire and this ugly shoe to chew on!" (Dudley chews on Kitty's feet)


 * Kitty: "That's my shoe!" (kicks Dudley in the head; an angry Dudley starts a slap-fight with Kitty)


 * (everyone watching them fight)


 * The Chief: "We'll take that office ASAP."


 * (cut to new office building)


 * Bunny: "This is the only building in town that hasn't been blown up. Oh, and just so you know it's already half-rented so you'll have to share! (T.U.F.F. enters office, but spots D.O.O.M.; gasps)


 * The Chief: "D.O.O.M.?!"


 * D.O.O.M. (Snaptrap, Ollie, Larry, Francisco, Leather Teddy and Bad Dog): "T.U.F.F.?!"


 * (Bunny legs it; D.O.O.M. and T.U.F.F. confront each other with blasters)


 * Snaptrap: "You T.U.F.F. agents destroyed every one of our evil lairs... and ruined a perfectly good mani-pedi. It's payback time!"


 * The Chief: "You started this fight and now we're gonna finish it!"


 * Snaptrap: "Nooo, you started it and we're gonna finish it!"


 * Kitty: "Wait, if we attack each other now we're going to destroy our own headquarters."


 * The Chief: (lowers blaster) "Kitty's right. We're gonna have to call a truce and share the office."


 * Snaptrap: "D.O.O.M... and T.U.F.F., sharing an office? How will that work?"


 *  (♫ Parody of the Brady Bunch opening sequence, complete with vocals from and images of T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. ♫) 


 *  T.U.F.F. (Chief looks awkwardly at Kitty, Dudley and Keswick)


 * ♫ Here's the story, of a Chief named Chief. ♫


 * ♫Who was leader of an agency named T.U.F.F. ♫


 * ♫ They were all really good guys, who worked together... until their lives got rough. ♫


 *  D.O.O.M. (Snaptrap humiliates Larry)


 * ♫ Here's the story, of a rat named Snaptrap. ♫


 * ♫ Who was leader of an evil place called D.O.O.M. ♫


 * ♫ Things were going well until they lost their hideout... and had to rent a room. ♫


 *  ALL (Everyone looks at each other, suspiciously)


 * ♫ And then one day the good guys met the bad guys.. ♫


 * ♫ And they knew that it was much more than a fad.. ♫


 * ♫ That this group, could learn to live together... and still stay good and bad. ♫


 * ♫ We're T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. ♫


 * ♫ We're T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. ♫


 * ♫ And only one of us will leave this room! ♫


 *  (♫ end of song ♫) 


 * Snaptrap: "Okay that makes sense, this is gonna work out great!"


 * (cut to musical montage of T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. working at opposing sides of the room, still suspicious of each other)


 * (Dudley launches a rubberband at Snaptrap, hitting him; smug, Dudley does a secret handshake with Kitty)


 * (Keswick takes off his goggles while taking a break from welding an Iron Giant-like robot; there are black circles around his eyes, drawn on by Larry who is laughing at him)


 * (Larry is typing, suspicious of a prank; takes a sip from his mug but is snared by a mousetrap.. and more mousetraps; Dudley, The Chief, Kitty and Keswick laugh)


 * (Ollie paints "Bathroom" onto a door that leads to a vertical drop outside; Dudley walks in, apparently uses the non-existent bathroom and walks out; puzzled Ollie walks through the door, only to fall)


 * (Kitty purchases a snack from the break room's vending machine, which happens to be a stick of dynamite; ka-boom; Ollie, Francisco and Bad Dog laugh)


 * (end of montage; cut to Snaptrap at his desk; phone rings he picks it up)


 * Snaptrap: "Hello?"


 * Dudley (via phone): "Yes, is Anita Bath there?"


 * Snaptrap: "Anita Bath?"


 * Dudley: "YOU SURE DO! HA!" (Kitty, Dudley, The Chief and Keswick laugh)


 * Snaptrap: "Okay, that tears it!" (rolls sleeves and pulls out blaster) "This means war!"


 * (T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. confront each other once again; they try to fire their blasters but nothing happens)


 * Snaptrap: "Darn it, we're out of ammo."


 * The Chief: "Us too."


 * (Bunny enters through door)


 * Bunny: "Hi gang! It's me, Bunny. I just stopped by with a moving present. It's a gift basket filled with assorted tees, fancy caches and seven hundred rounds of ammo!" (hands over ammunition to T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M.) "Enjoy! Now go back to annihilating each other!"


 * Kitty: "Wait a minute.. why is our real estate agent giving us ammunition?"


 * Dudley: "And isn't it a little coincidental that she rented us both the same office?"


 * (Bunny tries to escape, but Kitty blocks the door)


 * Kitty: (suspicious) "Something tells me that she's not really a real real estate agent at all!"


 * Dudley: "For real?"


 * Bunny: (nervous clinging to ceiling) "I don't know what you're talking about." (The Chameleon's voice) "Oooh, silver fish!" (shoots tongue and eats)


 * Dudley: "Wait a minute! I'd recognize that tongue anywhere!"


 * Everyone: "It's The Chameleon!"


 * The Chameleon: (transforms back into himself) "Yes. Hehehehe-hehe-uhehe! It is I, the Chameleon! I only disguised myself as Bunny, your real estate just like I disguised myself as your new field agents Weaselman and Rodentski!"


 * Agent Jumbo: "Eeek!"


 * Kitty: "What? Why would you do that?"


 * The Chameleon: "So I could lie to you about the missile strikes and get you to destroy each other! You see, I wanted revenge on T.U.F.F. for putting me in jail!"


 * Snaptrap: "But why would you want revenge on D.O.O.M.? We're bad guys like you."


 * The Chameleon: "Bad guys who never invite me to your ice cream socials!" (flashback) "Sometimes, I stand alone in the rain and I can hear you enjoying your ice cream, sharing personal stories.. and rainbow sprinkles." (end of flashback) "But since you wouldn't annihilate each other, I will have to do the job myself!" (pulls out rocket launcher) "Oooh, ladybug!" (eats ladybug)


 * Dudley: (smug) "Okay, hold the phone. I'd buy you were Bunny the Realtor and Agent Weaselman, but there's no way you were Agent Rodentski."
 * Agent Jumbo: "Eeek!"
 * Kitty: "Dudley, what are you talking about?"
 * Dudley: (pushes Agent Jumbo towards The Chameleon) "I'm just sayin', that was a very realistic field mouse and let's face it, the Chameleon's just not that good." (runs)


 * The Chameleon: "I beg to differ! My field mouse won first place at my neighbor Mrs. Ungerman's costume party!"


 * Dudley: "Prove it!"


 * The Chameleon: "You got it buster." (transforms into Rodentski) "Told you! Note the mouse-y whiskers, twitching nose and realistic mouse droppings. Don't be alarmed, I use raisins." (eats raisins with long tongue)


 * Agent Jumbo: "Aaaaaah! Aah! Eek! A mouse!" (crushes Chameleon, who transforms back into himself; runs away)


 * The Chameleon: (dizzy) "See, it fooled the elephant." (Kitty handcuffs Chameleon)


 *  (♫ Another parody of the Brady Bunch theme, this time with The Chameleon behind bars in the middle ♫) 


 * ALL


 * ♫ We're T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. ♫


 * ♫ We're T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. ♫


 * ♫ And only one of us will leave this room. ♫


 * Larry: "Those weren't raisins! Ha-ha. "


 * (♫ end ♫)


 * The Chief: "Good job, Agent Puppy!"


 * Snaptrap: "Yeah I like your style. Maybe we can get along!" (phone rings, answer it) "Y-hello!"


 * Dudley: (impersonation) "Yes, is I.M. Stinky there?"


 * Snaptrap: "I.M. Stinky?"


 * Dudley: "You sure are!" (everyone laughs, including the rest of D.O.O.M.)


 * Snaptrap: "That tears it! This is WAAAARR!" (Snaptrap and The Chief press buttons, launching missiles which fly up into space, return to the Earth and destroy the building)


 * (ending gag of T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. striking a pose after being thrown out of their exploding building)


 * THE END