Roomies

Scene I: Penguin HQ
''The penguins are at the table. Kowalski is working on a new invention.''

Kowalski: Screwdriver. Calipers. Spork. Ostrich feathers. And finally, bubble gum.

Rico sticks out some gum on his tongue.

Rico: Blahhh.

Kowalski: Blueberry.

Rico puts it back, then chews it, then this time sticks out a blue one.

Rico: Blahhh?

''Kowalski puts the blue bubble gum in the middle. It transforms into a blue orb of light. The penguins backed up in awe as the invention rises.''

Skipper: Fine work, Kowalski! What is it?

Kowalski: (looking at his note pad and referring to his weightless invention) I have no idea.

Skipper: Well, let's just keep it under wraps until you do.

Marlene: (off-screen.) Hey, guys! Guys!

Skipper: Private, interference! Rico, stash the invention! Kowalski, look natural.

Kowalski writes on his note pad and Marlene comes in excited.

Marlene: Guess whaaaaat!

Private: Quiet, Marlene. We're testing Kowalski's new invention.

Skipper: Private! (face palms)

Private: (aside) Top secret.

Marlene: Yeah, cause, you're doing a real good job of hiding it.

''The penguins noticed the invention is floating weightlessly. Rico pulls it down.''

Skipper: I'll have you know we're close to an exciting breakthrough.

Rico: Uh-huh.

Marlene: (excited) You want exciting? Huh? Try this on: Guess who's getting a new roommate?

Marlene start to sing and dance with Skipper.

Marlene: That's right. Uh.huh. It's me. New roommate. New uh-uh, New uh-uh, New what-what? Okay, so they're transferring someone into my habitat, so we can totally hang out, and swim, (Skipper glares at her) and style each others fur. It's gonna be perfect!

Skipper: (paranoid) Too perfect. How can you be sure this new roommate isn't actually some sort of spy?

Marlene: Come on. A spy?

Skipper: Sent here to steal the plans for Kowalski's new invention.

''Skipper and Marlene turned to Kowalski and Rico with the weightless invention. Kowalski writes on his note pad, examining it. Rico touches the blue-glowing orb and the invention slams into Kowalski, dropping his note pad. A crash is heard off-screen.''

Marlene: Here's a little something that I try to keep close to my heart: Try looking for the best in people, cause you'll always find it, huh?

Skipper: That's cute and naive, Marlene. Manfredi and Johnson were cute and naive-- Well, Manfredi was the cute one,--until their little Nairobi surprise party.

Marlene: Friendliness beats paranoia. Boop! (flicks Skipper's beak.)

Skipper: Still cute, still naive.

Marlene: (angrily) Ooooh!

She leaves the HQ back home.

Scene II: Otter Habitat
Marlene: (to herself) Cute and naive. Huh, Mr. Always-Assume-the-Worst. OK, just got to perk up the place with some fresh flowers, comfy pillows, ooh, yummy snacks...

Kowaski and Private burst into Marlene's home

Marlene: AAH!!!!! Guys I have a door... (points)...right over there!

Private: Sorry, Marlene.

Kowalski: Skipper thought you should see this.

Kowalski shows Marlene zoo transfer papers

Private: They're zoo transfer papers.

Kowalski: Your new interloper uhh...roommate arrived in country this morning, on a class F freighter.

Marlene: Okaaaay.

Private: A class F freighter is only used from animals weighing 1500 pounds or more.

Kowalski writes on his notepad

Kowalski: If the average otter weighs 13 pounds, that means exactly 115.384 otters are HEADED HERE RIGHT NOW!

''Marlene puts on her "Are you serious?" face. Kowalski and Private look at each other and leave the habitat and head back home to their HQ.''

Scene III: Outside of Otter Habitat
Marlene: 1500 pounds? No that's gotta a mistake besides if my roommate really did land this morning, she be here righ...Uhhh!

Suddenly, a giant walrus lands on top of Marlene, squishing her.'

Marlene: Uh umm excuse me?, uh ahh hi hi there I'm Marlene. You must be my new room...

Rhonda thinks Marlene is a rat and tries to smash her...

Rhonda: Rat!!!, Disgusting rat shoo!, shoo! shoo!

Marlene: I'm not a rat!, I'm your roommate!

The walrus smashes Marlene

Marlene: uhhh!

Rhonda: Really?

Rhonda gets her paw off of Marlene.

Rhonda: 'cause with that rat face you must get mistaken for a rat often.

Marlene: (dusting her self off) well actually no mostly cause I'm an otter see, and my name is Marl...Ohh!

Rhonda pushes Marlene off the platform and eats some of Marlene's fish and reveals her name.

Rhonda: I'm Ronda.

Marlene: (Getting back to the platform) Umm so help yourself to the sardines there Ronda, there uh there kinda of a welcome to the zoo kinda thing, and i actually thought you know maybe.... Rhonda: (loudly) BURP!

Rhonda belches loudly, stopping Marlene

Rhonda: Sooo, where do I bunk?

Marlene: Ooo yeah, you must be exhausted...

Both move to the entrance.

Marlene: We're a little tight on living space so we'll have to...

Rhonda: This'll work.

Ronda cuts in

Ronda charges though to the entrance once again crushing Marlene.

Marlene: Uhhh! (passes out)

Scene IV: Penguin Habitat
Kowalski and Private had returned home. The penguins are standing beyond a zoo map. Skipper: Remember boys, we may not be dealing with 115.384 otters at all.

''He runs off to get something. Skipper says his line as he brings out a giant scary ice sculpture of a ferocious-roaring Marlene with a woden club .''

Skipper: It might very well be 1 giant mutant 1,500 otter.

''Kowalski says his line as he brings out 6 large scary ice sculptures of the roaring Marlene with his club. They are attached together.''

Kowalski: Or, 6 large semi-mutated 250 pound otters.

Private says his line as he brings out a pile of 1,500 tiny ice sculptures of the roaring Marlene.

Private: Or, 1500 tiny 1 pound otters right, Skipper?

Skipper: I like where your head is at, soldier.

''The penguins turn to see Marlene leaning on the base's door. She says line as she walks over to them''.

Marlene: Yeah. It's soooo not otters

Skipper: You mean because of how grotesquely they have all been mutated?

Marlene: Huh? No of course not, its because my new roommate is a walrus.

Kowalski pops up behind Marlene with his notepad.

Kowalski: For the record, is this walrus spy mutated in any way?

Marlene turns to Kowalski.

Marlene: She not a mutant, and she's not a spy, she's just huge and... kinda gross. (Kowalski starts taking creepy notes) I've tried being nice to her, but nothing works.

Kowalski finishes his notes with a pencil click.

Skipper: Well we could always arrange a nice long trip for her, right Rico?

''Skipper looks at Rico. Rico uses a match to light up a rocket firecracker fuse.''

Rico: Mawhhaaaaaa!

The rocket blasts off.

Marlene: (shocked, gasps) What? No! NOO! No, I can't do that; I mean she's not that bad, it's just maybe we just need to get to know each other.

Skipper: (Grabs Marlene) Oh wake up Marlene!, you can't get along with everybody!

Marlene: (pushes Skipper's flipper away) Oh I am awake, yeah mostly because she sores really loud.

Marlene takes in a deep breath and becomes more optimistic.

Marlene: Okay but still, with the right attitude, you any situation work. You'll see. (Leaving) I'll prove to you that I can get along with Rhonda just fine. You watch me!

Marlene leaves.

Scene V Outside of Otter Habitat
Rhonda is singing "Take me out to the Ballgame, off-key"

Rhonda: "Take me out to the ballgame, Take me out to the ball..."

Marlene enters.

Marlene: Good morning, Rhonda. How's the water?

Rhonda: Even better now that I have added my own bubbles.

Rhonda scrunches her face as she farts in the water

Rhonda: If you know what I mean! Ha! Ha!

Marlene: (forcely) Yeah, yeah. I got that. And all over my pond too. Thanks. You know, you really might want to consider... I-is that my hairbrush?!

Rhonda throws the stinky hairbrush to Marlene

Rhonda: Oh. This is yours? Here. I'm done anyway. Just be sure you clean it before you give it back.

Marlene: Give it back? But it's mine!

Ronda:  That's what I said: "Just clean it before you give it back!" Okay?

Marlene:  Bu-bu... You can't... I don't... (Controls her anger) Okay. Look, Ronda? Maybe we need to set up some ground rules here.

Ronda:  Ground rules. Oh, sure, I here ya.

Marlene:  Great! Okay, great! Okay, if we work together and just respect each other...

Ronda:  (gasps) Heads up! Booger alert!

Marlene:  Wait, what?! Excuse me?!

Marlene hides behind a rock, Ronda stops gasping

Ronda:  False alarm.(Marlene goes out of hiding and Ronda finally sneezes on Marlene) Oops. Did I mention I have a chronic sinus thing? (cracks up laughing when she sees Marlene covered in Ronda's snot)

Marlene:  That does it! Listen up, sister!

Skipper pops out of the manhole

Skipper:  How are you two roomies doing?

Marlene:  (fakely happy) Great, we're doing great! (runs up to Ronda) See? We're like sisters!

Skipper:  Oh, really? You seem a mite worked up.

Marlene:  No, I'm good! (realizes she stepped on Ronda's snot)

Ronda:  Who are you, anyway?

Skipper:  As far as your concern, I am nobody. (goes back into the manhole)

Ronda:  Sheesh, does he just barge in like that? Talk about pushy!

Marlene squeezes through Ronda back into her habitat and finds that it's a stinky and filthy mess

Marlene:  My home! It's ruined! Oh, what's that? Ugh, what's that smell?!(growls in frustration)

Scene XI: Otter Habitat at Night
Marlene finishes cleaning up her habitat

Marlene:  (sighs) Finally! I'm exhausted! (lies down on her pillow) Goodnight, Ronda!

Ronda:  (yawning) Night-night!

Marlene turns off the light, Ronda farts very loudly, waking up Marlene and making her start to sob

Scene VII: Otter Habitat
Ronda is swimming in the pond and continuously badly singing Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Ronda:  Take me out to the ballgame, Take me out to the ballgame, Take me out to the ballgame!

Marlene:  (gets up wearing a gas mask) Stop! Stop, please! Please! Please, you are driving... (sighs and takes off the mask) (slowly) Ronda, it is very clear that we are very different animals, and that's great. You know, I believe in my heart, that no matter how much distance there is between them, two animals can...

Ronda:  Hey, rat-face! Where's that hairbrush you're supposed to give back to me?!

Marlene:  IT'S MINE! IT'S MINE! YOU CANNOT USE....MY BRUSH TO SCRUB YOUR DISGUSTING...!!!!!!!

Ronda:  Hold that thought! (gasps) Here comes another one!

Marlene:  Oh, no, no! Here! (tries to hand Ronda a towel) at least cover your face with this!

Ronda grabs Marlene and blows her nose on her

Ronda:  That was a close one. (throws Marlene on the wall) Thanks. Rat-face?

Marlene, covered in snot again, slides down the wall.

 Marlene:  (disgustedly) Aagh! Yuck! WHY??!!

Scene VIII: Penguin Habitat (Interior)
Marlene's yell can be heard and the alarm goes off, causing the Penguins to jump out of their bed

Skipper: Intruder! Kowalski, initiate the self-destruct!

Kowalski is about to presses the button as Marlene bursts the door through the wall,the flower vase drops down and very angry 

'''Marlene: I want you guys to get rid of her tonight! RIGHT NOW!!

Private: But I thought you're like sisters.

Marlene: I don't care if we're identical twins! I want her gone, FOREVER!

Skipper: Cancel self-destruct.

Kowalski presses the button again

Skipper: Now, I know you're all worked up. Maybe you should calm down, and think things through before you..

Marlene: She used me as a tissue!

Kowalski, Rico and Private all cringe with disgust

Scene IX: Zoo Office
Kowalski:  Talk through, simians.

Mason:  (translating Phil's sign language) Yes. Two shipping containers, scheduled to leave...

Marlene:  Whichever one's going furthest, put her in it! Just makes it sure it ships out tonight! You here me?!

Skipper:  Kowalski, options.

draws a picture of Ronda going in a box

Scene X: Zoo at Night
At night, the Penguins put a sleeping Ronda into a crate and try to put the lid on it but can't because of Ronda's back

Private:  We can't close the top, Skipper!

Skipper:  Hmm, we may have to abort. Wait until tomorrow to...

Marlene:  (pushes and Skipper and Kowalski) Out of my way, soldier! (jumps onto the lid of the crate) Hey, Ronda. I got a song for ya. (sings Take Me Out to the Ballgame while jumping on the crate, pushing it in until the truck engine starts)

the truck drives away with Ronda

Marlene:  Bye-bye, Ronda.

Scene XI: Otter Habitat
Marlene is seen relaxing in her habitat, happy that Ronda is gotten rid of.

Marlene: Home sweet--

Private pops out of the manhole

Private:  Marlene!

Marlene:  Aah!

Private:  You might want to take a look at this. pulls out a sheet of paper It's the shipping label on this freight. It's headed for Alaska.

Marlene:  Huh-huh. Private, I don't care if she's headed to a polar bear reserve. I am...

Private:  But it is!

Marlene:  It is? Uh... It is what?

Private:  Going to a polar bear reserve!

Marlene:  Uh... don't tell me......polar bears eat walruses, don't they?

Private:  Mmm-hmm!

Marlene:  (concerned) What have I done?

Scene XII: Penguin Habitat (Interior)
Marlene runs to the Penguins

Marlene:  We need stop that crate and bring Ronda back!

Skipper:  But I thought you hated that spy.

Marlene:  For the last time, Ronda is not a spy! And yes, yes, I hate her, but I'll hate myself even more if I let something bad happen to her!

Skipper:  Not on my watch!

Scene XIII: New York City Harbor at Night
The Penguins and Marlene spy on Ronda's crate, which is about to be hauled into the freight

Private:  There's the crate!

Kowalski:  (knocks out the crane driver and grabs the levers) I'm on it, Skipper!

Kowalski moves the crate side, knocking down other crates, Marlene climbs up the crane

Skipper:  Marlene, wait!

Marlene:  I've got to save her! (continues climbing up the crane and slides down the rope and onto to hook) NOOOOOO!!!! (Kowalski continues knocking down crates)

Kowalski:  This is an ideal time to try out my invention. (pulls out his new invention form earlier)

Private:  Will it help?

Kowalski:  Couldn't hurt.

Skipper:  Just throw it to her!

Rico touches the energy ball, causing the invention launch into Marlene's hand

Kowalski:  Of course, I suppose it could hurt very much, and I still don't know what it does.

Marlene touches the glowing blue energy ball, causing to turn into the shape of a saw blade, Marlene then uses the invention to cut the rope

Marlene:  Uh, so that what this does. (The orb changes back to its normal shape)

the Penguins and Marlene use the truck to drive back home to the zoo

Scene XIV: The Zoo at Night
Alice notices the crate on the truck

Alice:  What the heck is this doing here?! (Rico distracts Alice while Skipper puts a new sheet of paper on the crate) This crate's supposed to be going to... the Hoboken Aquarium? Uh, whatever!

Skipper and Marlene high-five each other as Alice drives away with Ronda's crate

Skipper:  Well, at least she wasn't a spy.

Kowalski:  Marlene, have you seen my invention?

Marlene:  Yeah, sure, it's right ov... I mean, it was right... (she and Skipper gasp)

Scene XV: Streets of New York at Night
Ronda is speaking to Doctor Blowhole while holding Kowalski's invention

Ronda:  (with a British accent) This is Agent 12 calling Doctor Blowhole. I have priority 1 code alert: Take Me Out to the Ballgame. Repeat: Take me out to the Ballgame. Agent 12 out.

[end of episode]