Class Act

Narrator: In the middle of the National National Bank, a battle rages on!

(Scene: The bank. The Butcher, WordGirl and Huggy face off against each other while the tellers duck down behind the counter. Bank customers are looking on.)

Butcher: Hey, WordGirl! Here’s meat in your eye! CORNED BEEF MASH!

(He unleashes a meat attack. Huggy steps in and eats it.)

WordGirl: Nice one, Huggy! So Butcher, thought you could rob a bank in broad daylight!

Butcher: Well, yeah. Can’t rob it at night, they’re not open!

Female Bank Teller: He’s right, we close at five.

WordGirl: Yes, but--- oh, forget it. I’m sending you back to jail, Butcher! ...And quickly?

Butcher: Why? What’s the rush?

WordGirl: Well, I’ve been asked to be a guest speaker at a class.

Butcher: Oh, that’s nice.

WordGirl: Yeah, but I still have some preparations to take care of.

Butcher: Well it’s gonna be hard to prepillate when you’re--

WordGirl: Hold it, hold it, hold it. I’m gonna stop you there.

Butcher: (sighs) What’d I do now?

WordGirl: The word is preparation, not prepillate. It means to get ready for something.

(The Butcher sits down and leans his head against his hands.)

WordGirl: Um, like I said, I have some place to be, so could we just, uh--

Butcher: I’m sick of being wrong all the time!

WordGirl: Eh, okay. (sits down beside him.)

Butcher: It’s just, I love words, and I wanna use ‘em more rightly.

WordGirl: Uh, actually it’s not, uh, it’s not "more rightly"--

Butcher: Like last week… I was robbin’ this bank, right? And I asked the guy behind the counter for everything he’s got, and make it click! He hand me a bag of these.

WordGirl: Castanets? What kind of bank has a bag of--

Butcher: Don’t even get me started! So I’m tryin’ to tell the guy that I don’t want these, I want the loop!

WordGirl: Loot. Uh, meaning money?

Butcher: Right. But he can’t understamp me.

WordGirl: Understand.

Butcher: Right. So the teller cuts me off and says he’s not gonna help me if I keep bambling.

WordGirl: You mean  rambling .

Butcher: I think so. I don’t know, I need help.

WordGirl: Well Butcher, it’s nice to see you want to improve yourself! Who knows? Maybe it’ll inspire you to give up crime altogether!

Butcher: Heh-heh-heh. I don’t know about that… in fact, CHICKEN POT PIE-PHOON!

(He launches another meat attack, covering WordGirl and Huggy in pot pies.)

Butcher: So long, WordGirl! Oh, and uh, thanks for listening. (pats her on the head and walks off)

WordGirl: (to Huggy) Don’t say it, I know, I know.

Narrator: Later, in an adult education class...

(Scene: An adult education class. The instruction is Ms. Champlain, who also teaches art.)

Ms. Champlain: Welcome back class, to the Art of Speaking. Before we get started on this week’s lesson, I’d like you all to welcome a new student, Ms. T H. Butcher.

(The Butcher is disguised in a beard, and is wearing a cap and a scarf, but other than that he is wearing his normal butcher outfit.)

Butcher: Oh, heh-heh, I’m sorry. It’s pronounced "Bouchere". Not Butcher. Bouchere.

Ms. Champlain: Oh, I’m sorry, okay. Bouchere.

(He sits on top of one of the school desks.)

Butcher: Hi. I’m not the Butcher.

Ms. Champlain: So, let’s get started. This week’s lesson is on how to  articulate . Say it with me, class.  Articulate .

(Everyone struggles to pronounce it right.)

Butcher: Ar-ti-cular.

Ms. Champlain: Part of being well-spoken is making sure that people understand what you say. That’s why it is very important to  articulate  your words. Mr. Bouchere, would you stand up please?

Butcher: Oh, man! I didn’t even say anything yet, and I still messed up!

Ms. Champlain: No no no, I just want you to help me demonstrate to the class how one  articulate s.

Butcher: Oh. Okay.

Ms. Champlain: Repeat after me.  Ar-ti-cu-late .

Butcher:  Ar-ti-cu-late .

Ms. Champlain: Excellent! Now say it a little faster, but pronounce all the sounds just as clearly. Like this:  Articulate .

Butcher:  Articulate .

Ms. Champlain: Excellent!

(Other members of the class nod in agreement.)

Butcher: Thanks!

Ms. Champlain: Uh-uh-uh!  Articulate .

Butcher: Oh, right, right, right. Uh, thank you.

Ms. Champlain: You’re welcome.

Butcher: This is easy! Come on, everybody,  articulate !

(Everyone cheers.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, flying around the city...

(Scene: WordGirl flying over the city with Huggy.)

WordGirl: Ugh! Well, I was hoping to have the Butcher wrapped up by now, so that I could concentrate on my speech.

(Huggy chatters.)

WordGirl: You really want a little sample?

(Huggy shrugs. WordGirl flies down and lands on top of a building.)

WordGirl: Okay, here goes. (She clears her throat and grabs the top of a ventilation pipe to use as a “microphone.”) Hi, everybody! My name is WordGirl, and as my name implies, I love words! I mean, I also love geography, but I think Geography Girl was already taken.

(She laughs and snorts. Huggy chatters and rests his head on his hand.)

WordGirl: (continuing) So, I bet some of you are wondering, ‘WordGirl, even though you seem to love all words, you must have some favorites!’ I do. I like dazzling, and sparkly, and abundant-- oh, oh, and victorious, and shenanigans, and elegan--

(Huggy starts chattering at her non-stop and waves.)

WordGirl: What?

(He glares at her and chatters again.)

WordGirl: I wasn’t  rambling ! (Huggy responds.) No I wasn’t.

(Huggy points up and chatters.)

WordGirl: Fine, I’ll ask him. Excuse me, narrator?

Narrator: Uh-huh?

WordGirl: Were you listening to my speech?

Narrator: Uh, sort of.

WordGirl: What do you mean, sort of?

Narrator: I’m sorry, it’s just-- you were talking on and on and on, so I kind of-- tuned out. You seem to, uh...

WordGirl:  Ramble ?

Narrator: Well it depends, what does  ramble  mean again?

WordGirl:  Ramble  means to talk on and on without really having a point.

Narrator: Well then, yes,  ramble .

WordGirl: (to Huggy) That doesn’t prove anything! He said he was only sort of listening--

(Huggy points to some activity on the ground.)

WordGirl: Oh, no!

(Down on the street, the Butcher has created a wall of meat, and a passing truck runs into it.)

WordGirl: Fine. But we’ll discuss this later!

(She replaces the ventilation pipe and flies down with Huggy. On the ground, two security guards have been covered in meat.)

Guard 1: I’m just sayin’, it’s not fair!

Butcher: I’m sorry. I usually say the first meat that comes into my head.

Guard 1: Well, why did it have to be bologna? I hate bologna! How come he got roast beef?

Butcher: Look, Buddy. I don’t know what to tell ya.

(WordGirl and Huggy land beside the truck.)

WordGirl: Tell him you’ll see him later! When you get out of jail!

Butcher: (enunciating every word carefully) A-ha! WordGirl! I see that you found me again!

WordGirl: Uh-huh…

Butcher: Yes, well let us commensicate with our battle forthwith.

WordGirl: Right. What’s going on?

Butcher: Whatever do you mean?

WordGirl: Well, apart from commensicate, you’re speaking very clearly!

Butcher: Really? Am I to understand that you like the way I  articulate ?

WordGirl: Yes, yes I do!

Butcher: Thank you, WordGirl! I am pleased that you have noticed. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must take my goodbye. CHICKEN POW MEIN!

(He covers WordGirl and Huggy with chicken chow mein.)

Butcher: Ta-ta, WordGirl

(Huggy chatters.)

WordGirl: Sorry, I got distracted.

(Scene: the “You Buy Gold” store. The Butcher approaches the clerk.)

Butcher: Ahem, excuse me, kind store clerk. But this is a robbifery. So, if you would--

Gold Store Clerk: Oh, a robbery, how exciting! Well, you’ll probably want all of our most valuable things!

Butcher: Right. So, if you would please place--

Gold Store Clerk: Let’s see-- like this gold paper clip…and this gold potato peeler… ooh, and this is a gold key chain in the shape of Rutherford B. Hayes!

Butcher: Yes, ok, so if you would pul-lease---

(WordGirl and Huggy arrive.)

WordGirl: Hold it right there, Butcher!

Butcher: WordGirl! Once again you have found me! And once again we shall battle in--

WordGirl: Yeah! Hey, before we start, you know, I have to do a speech for this class, and hopefully I’ll be able to teach a little something about words, and maybe they’ll learn something just like how you learned. Not that I think I’m a great teacher or anything, I mean it’s hard to teach people--

Butcher: Hold on, sorry to cut you off WordGirl, but you’re really starting to  ramble --

WordGirl: Wha--?

Butcher: --and I should probably get going.

WordGirl: Me?  Ramble ?

Butcher: Yes!

WordGirl: I do NOT believe this!

Butcher: Well, you were talking a lot and not really staying to one topic. Right? Wasn’t she?

(The gold store clerk nods. Huggy says something to her.)

WordGirl: Uh, Huggy!

Butcher: I-- I-- I taught WordGirl a word!

WordGirl: Well- er, no. Technically I already knew what  ramble  meant. I just didn’t think it applied to ME!

Butcher: Hey, everybody! (to clerk) YOU! YOU! Well, you’re the only one here. I taught WordGirl a word!

(He high-fives the clerk, then walk toward the door carrying the bag of stolen items.)

Butcher: Oh, man! I can’t wait to tell the teacher she fixed me!

WordGirl: Not so fast, Butcher! You’re not going any--

Butcher: PEPPERONI PULVERIZER!

(He covers WordGirl and Huggy with pepperoni. She pops her head out from under the pile, and is still somewhat dazed.)

WordGirl: Uh-- you-- was I-- uh-- what just happened?

(Three cuckoo clocks go off at the same time above them.)

WordGirl: Oh, right. I guess catching the Butcher will have to wait. It’s time for my speech. Hopefully I won’t  RAMBLE !

Narrator: A few moments later, at the adult education class…

(Scene: The classroom. Ms. Champlain is getting ready to speak.)

Ms. Champlain: Okay, class, shall we get started?

(The Butcher comes running through the door, wearing his beard, hat and scarf.)

Butcher: Teacher! Teacher! Hey Teach!

Ms. Champlain: Mr. Bouchere, I’m so glad you could make it!

Butcher: You did it! You fixed me! My vocabulation is no longer fiduciary! I even rightified WordGirl!

Ms. Champlain: I have no idea what you just said, but you sound excited, so congratulations!

(The class applauds.)

Butcher: Thank you! And also I’m quitting the class. You fixed me! I now  articulate  perfectly.

Ms. Champlain: Yes, you do! But that’s only part of being well-spoken. There’s much more to learn.

Butcher: Oh. Really? Can you exampilate?

Ms. Champlain: Why don’t you stick around? We have a special guest coming in who can explain it much better than I. In fact, here she comes now!

(WordGirl lands outside the building and starts walking toward the door.)

Butcher: WordGirl? Her speech was for THIS class? Oh boy. (He runs off screen.)

Ms. Champlain: Everyone, it is my pleasure to introduce WordGirl!

(As she gets ready to walk in, the Butcher pushes one of students out of their chair and covers his face with a textbook.)

WordGirl: Hi everyone, my name is WordGirl and this is my sidekick Captain Huggy Face. We’re here today to discuss the importance of having a good vocabulary. Now, it has recently been brought to my attention by some that I have a tendency to  ramble . Now, I don’t think I  ramble , I just get really excited when I talk about words! It’s funny, because when I was a little girl, people used to always to tell me that words would not matter in the long run--

Butcher: (whispering to himself) Oh boy, don’t look over here, please don’t look over here! Don’t see me, please don’t see me! Oh those are nice shoes.

WordGirl: --and that’s why I’ve always enjoyed a good potato.

(Some of the class has fallen asleep or are drifting off.)

WordGirl: But I have to admit that I’m pretty upset that the Butcher of all people said I was  rambling ! He has no right! Now--

Butcher: Now hold on just a minute! What do you mean I have no right to say you  ramble ? (Everyone turns around and looks at him.) Ah, forget it. (He sheds his disguise) It is I, the Butcher!

(All of the students except the sleeping one run away.)

Butcher: And I have to say, WordGirl, you’re being a really sore loser!

WordGirl: What?

Butcher: You are just upset because I am all fixed, and you don’t have anyone to correctify anymore!

WordGirl: Uh, the word is correct, not correctify!

Butcher: Ha-ha-ha, I don’t think so! And who would know better than me?

Ms. Champlain: Oh, sorry dear, but WordGirl is correct. The word is correct, not correctify. And, it’s “better than I”, not “better than me”.

Butcher: Oh, no! The effects of the class, they’re wearing off! I- I’m all broken again! (calming himself down) No, no, no… pull it together… I have to  ar-ti-cu-late . Yeah!

WordGirl: Well Butcher,  articulating  may help your speech, but it isn’t going to help you stay out of jail!

Butcher: Oh, yes? Well maybe this will! CHICKEN PARMA-STOMP!

(He launches a meat attack on her. Huggy leaps in front of her and gobbles it down.)

WordGirl: Lots of chicken attacks this episode.

Butcher: Yeah, chicken’s good for you.

WordGirl: Well, let’s see if these books are good for YOU!

(She throws two textbooks at him, but he uses a string of sausage links to knock them down.)

Butcher: Hey, hey!

WordGirl: Whoa, impressive!

Butcher: Back atcha! Looks like we have a staplemake, WordGirl!

WordGirl: Sorry to correct you, but the word is stalemate.

Ms. Champlain: (speaking at the same time as WordGirl) Oh dear, I think you meant stalemate.

WordGirl: Right. A stalemate is when two opponents are evenly matched.

Ms. Champlain: Right, and neither one of them can get an advantage over the other.

WordGirl: I know! What a great word, huh?

Ms. Champlain: Love it! It reminds me of riding horses when I was a young girl.

WordGirl: Really? Why?

Ms. Champlain: Well, there was this one--

Butcher: Okay, okay, STOP! That is it! I am tired of all this  rambling ! Roast beef--

(Huggy, who has been eating the sausage links, flips them around the chair the Butcher is standing on, and jerks it back, causing him to lose his balance. He falls and gets wedged into the space between the seat and the desk.)

Butcher: Okay, that was a cheap shot! Somebody help me out of here. Hey!

Narrator: And so, once again--

WordGirl: Wait! Hold on! That’s it?

Narrator: (to Butcher) Y- you’re stuck, aren’t you?

Butcher: Yeah.

WordGirl: Oh! Okay. Just seemed to wrap up kind of quick.

Narrator: Maybe that’s because you were  rambling  on about the word stalemate--

WordGirl: Hey!

Narrator: (laughs) And so, the Butcher learned to  articulate  better, but was still no match for a monkey and a one-piece desk! Join us again next time for another episode of WordGirl! And, cut. Stop looking at me like that!