Campfire!

1 [animal sounds] [music] Summer's here Let's get outside Pack your bags Hop in the ride Let's go, let's go This is gonna be so great - Oh, man - I can hardly wait! Summer camp Super summer hero camp Summer camp Super summer hero camp - They got lakes - We'll jump right in 'em - Canoe races - Yeah, we'll win 'em Stargazing, making wishes Summer love First-time kisses Hanging out Making new friends I hope this summer never ends Summer camp Super summer hero camp Summer camp Super summer hero camp - Roasting s'mores - Campfire songs So much fun You just can't go wrong Making memories, having fun Running around Hold up, shh What's that sound? Something's in the bush Over there - [roaring] - [all screaming] It's a bear! Run! Run! Run! Run! Summertime Fun! Fun! Fun! Summer camp Super summer hero camp Summer camp Super summer hero camp Exciting news, Titans. - We're going home? - More exciting than that. - You're going home? - No! We are putting on tonight's campfire. Why wait till tonight? Oh, let's get some giggling in here! - Actually - [all cheer] All right! [cheering continues] This is not a good idea, or what I was talking about. Oh, no! Ahhh! It's out of control. This is your fault. You didn't clear a proper ten-foot radius. I don'ts even know what a radius is. How's I gonna clear one? This is gonna be millions of dollars in property damage. The why? The why?! Sorries we ruined your campfire, Robin. Nothing except the forest has been ruined, Titans. You see, a campfire is not a pile of flaming wood, but a mildly entertaining performance consisting of skits Songs and stories. And tonight, we get to put one on. [indistinct chatter] You mean I can finally live out my dreams of being a performer? I also wish to be the star and perhaps the moon, but not ever the Pluto, for it is not even the planet! I can't wait to make the crowd laugh. Now, I've planned it all out. We'll start with some groan-inducing comedy. Then it's time for an agonizing sing-along that is sure to make the audience cringe. Finally, we'll close out the night with my very special musical number, sure to leave everyone asleep by the end. [both snoring] That's so boring, yo! It is essential that we stay true to the traditional boring campfire, otherwise, we will wake them up. - Who? - The wolves! [wolves howling] [all] The wolves? Yes. If a campfire audience laughs and cheers too loudly, we'll attract wolves! Hungry wolves. That will devour us all. That's why the traditional boring campfire protocol must be followed. - [voice trembles] Wolves. - He made all that up. He just wants to do his cheesy skits. Guys, I don't want to be eaten by wolves. Then it settled. Tonight, we will perform the greatest, most boring campfire of all time. - Who's with me? - [all weakly] We are. [laughs] Love that low energy, Titans. We don't want to attract any wolves with unnecessary enthusiasm. Do you feel the apathy in the air, Titans? It is positively the opposite of electric. Here are the outdated skits and songs for tonight. Memorize them, and remember, the performances need to be stilted and forced. - Ew. - This ain'ts even hot garbage. - This is garbage. - Guys, do we really want to embarrass ourselves with this cringey material? It's either this or be eaten by wolves. Up to you. [all] The wolves! [howling] There are no wolves. [still howling] [all gasp] That's right. Let's keep it nice and boring. [indistinct chatter] [strumming guitar] Good evening, campers, and welcome to tonight's campfire. We've got a lot of wholesome fun planned, so get ready to chuckle lightly and clap politely. That rhymes. Oh, who is this? [in monotone] Look out, the Viper is coming. The Viper is coming. Oh, dear, the The Viper? That sounds menacing. Well, as I was saying [in monotone] Everyone, the Viper is coming. - The Viper is coming. - Ah! Oh, my goodness. This Viper character certainly has me shaking in my boots. [in monotone] The Viper is here. The Viper is here. [in monotone] I am the Viper. I have come to do the viping of the windows. [crickets chirping] [coughs] Thank you, thank you. There's plenty more bland entertainment - where that came from. - [audience clap weakly] Boom! And that's how it's done. Dude, that skit was horrible. Yes, and executed with a perfectly awful performance. Mediocre job all around, Titans. Now, I think we've got the audience warmed up for a little musical number called, "Row, Row, Row Your Boat. " - That's a baby song, yo. - Not the way I sing it. We'll divide the crowd into three sections and they'll each start at a different time, creating a cascading waterfall of harmonies. It's gonna be so gentle! [laughs] I can't wait to hear it. I ain't singing no "Row, Row, Row Your Boat. " I cannot bear to row the boat the once, much less the three times! Then let's put on something to get the crowd going. What about those wolves? I still don't want to get eaten by wolves. - [all] The wolves! - [wolves howl] There are no wolves. Let's just put on a good show. It is that time in the program where I slow things down and try to say something profound, but I'm a small man, plagued by insecurity, so instead, let's sing a popular baby song. Mi, mi, mi Row, row, row your boat Gently down the stream Merrily, merrily Merrily, merrily Life is but a dream Now, this section starts when I get to "gently. " - Row - [Titans] Row, row, row your boat Gently down the stream Merrily, merrily Merrily, merrily Life is but a dream [in hip-hop style] Row, row, row, row, row Row your boat [crowd cheering] Row, row, row, Row your boat Row, row, row your boat Row, row, row your boat Row, row, row your boat Row, row, row your boat [vocalizing] Gently down the stream Gently down the stream Merrily, merrily Merrily, merrily [drums beating] - The wolves. - [wolves howling] Merrily, merrily Merrily, merrily - [beeps] - Life is but a [loud boom] [all] Aww! Under no circumstances is this suppose to be fun! Do you want to be eaten by - [voice trembles] wolves? - [wolves howling] [howling, growlimg] - Do you? - We's think yous just crying wolf, fool. - [wolves howling] - Then what do you call that? Wait, I'll tell you. It's a wolf! Yeah, we're in the forest. That's where they live. Clearly you are not taking this threat seriously! Now, we have to go out there and take the energy way down! We've got to perform my special musical number. [all] Ugh! Man, nobody wants to hear that song. - We are out. Peace! - Wait, wait, wait. What if we did a funny comedy skit instead? The no. Would you be interested if told you there was, - uh, toilet humor? - Tell us more. First, you have promise you'll do it exactly as I say. Are you sure there's toilet jokes in this skit? Yes. - [all] We promise. - Good. Then I'll tell you all about this little show nonstopper called The Wee Skit. Okay, okay. Now we're talking. Hey, bus drivers lady, I gots to go wee. [in deep voice] You'll just have to hold it. - But we really have to go wee. - Just let us go wee! No, I told you to go wee before you got on the bus. - [Bumblebee] But we really gotta go wee. - [snores] [imitates brakes screeching] All right, then, go wee. Whee! Whee! [laughs] [sighs] What a wholesome punchline. Nah, fool, that ain't the punchline. This is. [cheers] - Yeah, yeah. Wee, wee, wee, wee. - [all laugh] - I's gonna wee on you! - No. No, no, no. This is supposed to result in a half-smile at best. The crowd is going to eat these shenanigans up. [crowd applauding and laughing] Stop. [grunts] Stop spraying me with the hose. [laughter] Stop this entertaining showmanship at Whoa! [all laughing] [all chuckling] [wolves growling] - [wolves howling] - Are those - [wolves growl] - Wolves! [all scream] [all screaming] Zipply Zad. I did not want this! [exclaims] We can't fight these wolves. [heart beating] [vocal sings] - [all continue screaming] - Only one thing can stop these wolves. [strums guitar] My very special musical number! [in falsetto] Softly falls The light of day As our campfire fades away - Silently each one should ask - [both groaning] Have I done my The wolves, they are doing the cringes. - It's Robin's song. - [wolves squeal] The wolves can't take it. - [growls] - Can I guiltless - Sleep tonight? - [whimpers, squeals] Have I done And have I dared Everything to be prepared? [wolf squeals] Now that's how you take the energy - out of a crowd. - Thanks, Robin. We never could have made the wolves cringe that hard. I hope you now understand the importance of making campfires stilted, boring and cringe-worthy, Titans. So we don't wake up the wolves. - Or the bears! - Bears? Bears! [bears growl] - [continue growling] - [Titans screaming] [Cyborg] Just don't kill us.