The Financial Permeability


 * Leonard: [to Sheldon, Howard, and Raj, who have come to help to get Penny's money back.] Okay, is everyone clear on the plan?
 * Howard: Yes. Koothrapalli's going to wet himself, I'm going to throw up, Sheldon's going to run away, and you're going to die. Shall we synchronize our watches?
 * Leonard: Excuse me. There are four of us and one of him.
 * Sheldon: Which means his triumph will be even larger. Minstrels will write songs about him.


 * Penny: Oh, Leonard. If we moved in together, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you.
 * Leonard: Really?
 * Penny: And you thought my acting classes were a waste of money.


 * Penny: Is Leonard around?
 * Sheldon: He went to the movies without me. It was the only option. I’m sorry, I don’t understand which social situation this is. Could you give me some guidance as to how to proceed?
 * Penny: The building manager’s showing an apartment downstairs, and I haven’t paid my rent.
 * Sheldon: Oh, I see. Penny, I’m not sure I’m comfortable harboring a fugitive from the 2311 North Los Robles Corporation.
 * Penny: It’s no big deal. I’m just a little behind on my bills because they cut back my hours at the restaurant and my car broke down.


 * Penny: Okay. Well, thank you. Oh, God, no, I can’t. Sheldon honey, I don’t want things to be weird between us.
 * Sheldon: Won’t it also be weird if I have to say hello to you every morning on my way to work and you’re living in a refrigerator box and washing your hair with rain water?
 * Penny: I’ll pay you back as soon as I can.
 * Sheldon: Of course you will. It’s impossible to pay me back sooner than you can. Assuming you subscribe to a linear understanding of time and causality.
 * Penny: I’m regretting this already.


 * Sheldon: You know, I’ve given the matter some thought, and I think I’d be willing to be a house pet to a race of super-intelligent aliens.
 * Leonard: Interesting.
 * Sheldon: Ask me why.
 * Leonard: Do I have to?
 * Sheldon: Of course. That’s how you move a conversation forward.
 * Leonard: Why?
 * Sheldon: The learning opportunities would be abundant. Additionally, I like having my belly scratched.
 * Leonard: Hey, Penny. How was work?
 * Penny: Great. I hope I’m a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory for my whole life.
 * Sheldon: Was that sarcasm?
 * Penny: (crossly) No.
 * Sheldon: Was that sarcasm?
 * Penny: Yes.
 * Sheldon: Was that sarca..
 * Leonard: Stop it!
 * Sheldon: Penny, you appear to have a package here.
 * Penny: Oh, thanks. This must be the beret I ordered. A couple of months ago. It was back-ordered.
 * Sheldon: Did you know the beret is an example of piece of women’s fashion adapted from male military uniforms? Another fascinating example is the epaulet.
 * Leonard: He’s not lying, he does find that fascinating.
 * Penny: Okay, whatever. It’s not like I’m running up and down the streets just buying myself berets. I bought one, like, a month ago, and it was back-ordered, look, it finally arrived, all right?
 * Sheldon: All right.
 * Penny: (she's now gigantically cross) Oh, my God, would you just get off my case?
 * Leonard: Weird.
 * Sheldon: Oh, good, that was an unusual interaction. I wasn’t sure.
 * Leonard: Did you guys have an argument?
 * Sheldon: No.
 * Leonard: Well, you clearly did something to aggravate her.
 * Sheldon: I’m at a loss. If you like, you can review my daily log of social interactions and see if there’s a blunder I overlooked.