The Geology Methodology


 * Sheldon: I've been thinking about it, and I suppose I... I could help you with your research.
 * Bert Kibbler: What changed your mind?
 * Sheldon: Bert, I'm a gift horse. Don't look me in the mouth.


 * Raj: Hey, uh, who's free tonight?
 * Leonard: Oh, I think I'm...
 * Sheldon: Hang on. We've made this mistake before. It's how we wound up at his cousin Deepak's Tupperware party.
 * Raj: Hey, you use that collapsible bowl all the time, and you know it. And it's not like that. I just thought we could, you know, hang out and go to a bar.
 * Leonard: Sure.
 * Sheldon: Very well.
 * Howard: Sounds fun.
 * Raj: And watch cricket.
 * Howard: That sound you hear? Ironically, crickets.


 * Leonard: Hey, Bert. How you doing?
 * Bert Kibbler: Well, you know, we geologists always get a little sad when Rocktober's over.
 * Sheldon: Wordplay?
 * Leonard: Yes.
 * Sheldon: Funny wordplay?
 * Leonard: What do you think?
 * Sheldon: [distastefully] Eh.
 * Leonard Hofstadter: Trust your gut.


 * Bert Kibbler: Sheldon, I've got these four billion year old meteorites. I thought maybe they'd show signs of neutrino interactions. I could really use someone like you to help me with the math.
 * Sheldon: Oh, so they would act as natural dark matter detectors.
 * Raj: That sounds interesting.
 * Sheldon: It does, but it's still geology. Sorry, Bert, I don't have time to play rocks with you.
 * Bert Kibbler: I'm not asking you to play rocks. I'm asking you to collaborate on a research project. Although, if there's time, I guess we could play a round of "zinc, zinc, piece of quartz".
 * Howard: Does sound better than cricket.


 * Leonard: Sheldon, what are you doing? Bert's one of the top guys in his field.
 * Sheldon: And somewhere there's a mime who's top in his field, but you don't see me rushing to collaborate with him on new ways to be stuck in a box.
 * Howard: Also something I would watch instead of cricket. I don't get how you can enjoy cricket. It makes no sense.
 * Raj: Did you just come here to complain?
 * Howard: Yeah. That's the sport of my people


 * Sheldon: Hello, Amy. What do you mean, where am I? I'm in my office.
 * Amy: No, I'm at your office, and you're not here. I thought I'd surprise you with dinner.
 * Sheldon: For future reference, the best surprises are the ones I know about three days in advance.


 * Sheldon: I'm working with Bert, but I don't want anyone to find out.
 * Penny: Well, you just told me, so strong start.
 * Sheldon: Penny, this is serious. My reputation is on the line. What are people gonna think when they see us collaborating?
 * Penny: I don't know. "Poor Bert"?


 * Sheldon: I am a respected theoretical physicist. I aspire to win a Nobel Prize someday. But nobody's gonna take me seriously if they find out I've been dabbling in geology.
 * Penny: Well, why not? They're both sciences. And I know because they're classes my high school counselor said "weren't for me".
 * Sheldon: They're very different. Physics answers the question "What is the nature of the universe?". Geology answers the question, you know, "What'd I just trip over?".
 * Penny: All right, well, then don't work with Bert.
 * Sheldon: Oh, but I like the work.
 * Penny: Then work with him.
 * Sheldon: Yeah, but I'm ashamed of the field.
 * Penny: Then don't work with him.
 * Sheldon: Yeah, but we could prove dark matter.
 * Penny: Then work with him.
 * Sheldon: But I just think that people...
 * Penny: How many times are you gonna do this?
 * Sheldon: My record is fourteen.


 * Penny: This is about science. Why'd you come to me?
 * Sheldon: Well, because it's also about my reputation. And somehow, you managed to hold your head high despite your checkered past.
 * Penny: Checkered past?
 * Sheldon: It's a figure of speech referring to how sexually promiscuous you were.
 * Penny: Really? Well, I've got a figure of speech about how sexually promiscuous you can go be with yourself.
 * Sheldon: And what is it?


 * Howard: Look, while Bernadette's on bed rest, we're gonna have to divide and conquer. I've got one monitor for her, one for the baby. Which do you want?
 * Stuart: I'll take the baby. She's less emasculating.


 * Stuart: So, you and Ruchi?
 * Raj: Yeah, I'm sorry. I know you liked her, too, but we just bumped into each other last night and hit it off.
 * Stuart: No, that's fine. You're my friend and I'm happy for you.
 * Raj: Oh, thank you, Stuart.
 * Stuart: Plus, I don't know how you're gonna screw it up, but I know you will.
 * Raj: What's there to screw up? She just wants to keep things casual.
 * Stuart: Oh, great. That's how you're gonna screw it up.


 * Raj: So Ruchi and I decided to keep things casual. [Penny lets out a scoffing laugh] What? What? I can handle casual.
 * Penny: [with another derisive laugh] Oh...
 * Raj: Why do you keep doing that with your face?
 * Penny: Because you keep saying stupid things with yours.


 * Raj: Okay, fine. I'm not great at casual relationships, and I don't want to scare her off.
 * Penny: All right, just give her some space, all right? Don't call, don't text, don't e-mail.
 * Raj: That's crazy. What if I see a sunset that reminds me of her?
 * Penny: All right, when do you see her next?
 * Raj: Uh, we're having dinner tonight.
 * Penny: Okay. Put a rubber band around your wrist, and any time you start planning your wedding or naming your children, I want you to stab yourself in the hand with a fork.
 * Raj: What's the rubber band for?
 * Penny: To slow the bleeding.


 * Leonard: Hey, how's Bernadette handling bed rest?
 * Howard: Well, she lies around all day eating Mallomars and hollering at me, so her transformation from my wife to my mother is complete.


 * Bert Kibbler: Hey, Sheldon, you left your jacket in my office last night.
 * Sheldon: Uh, oh. No-no, I didn't. That's-that's not my jacket.
 * Leonard: Then why does it say "Property of S. Cooper. Stop touching it"?
 * Sheldon: It sounds like someone named Scooper doesn't want you touching his jacket.
 * Howard: Are you guys working together on that meteorite project?
 * Sheldon: Yes, fine. You found me out. I'm doing geology. Just, please, don't tell anyone.
 * Bert Kibbler: Are you embarrassed of me?
 * Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, not you. No, just the work that you've devoted your entire life to.


 * Ruchi: Are you sure you're okay with this?
 * Raj: Honestly, Ruchi, I don't have a lot of experience with casual relationships. I have some experience with serious relationships and a ton of experience with no relationships.


 * Amy: What you got there?
 * Sheldon: A rock.
 * Amy: Did some mean boys throw it at you?
 * Sheldon: It turns out I'm the mean boy. Although I did drop it on my own foot, so kind of.
 * Amy: What's going on?
 * Sheldon: What if there was something I wanted to do, but I was worried other people would think less of me?
 * Amy: Is that other person me, and does it happen in the bedroom, in which case I think I'm cool with it?
 * Sheldon: No. It's about working with Bert on... you know what? I'm not even gonna say it. I am just gonna say the letter it starts with and "-ology". G... oh, no, that's not gonna work.


 * Amy: Sheldon, you've never cared what people thought, even when you really, really should. That dinner with my parents comes to mind.
 * Sheldon: If I'm not gonna use "your momma" jokes when I meet your mother, why'd I bother to learn them?
 * Amy: I'm just saying if you think the work is interesting, nothing else should matter.
 * Sheldon: You're right, Amy. That is sage advice. Which is surprising, considering your momma is so dumb, she...
 * Amy: [standing and leaving] Nope.
 * Sheldon: ...she studied for a urine test.


 * Bert Kibbler: What do you want, Sheldon?
 * Sheldon: I would like us to work together again. And I promise to keep my geology comments to myself, because while some of them are funny, all of them are mean.


 * Sheldon: Leonard, what are you doing here?
 * Leonard: Bert asked for my help.
 * Bert Kibbler: Yeah, he's an excellent scientist, and he doesn't tell me what time I can go to the bathroom.
 * Sheldon: It's called bladder training. When you're in your 80s, you'll thank me for it.


 * Leonard: Look, Sheldon, you were a jerk to Bert, and he walked away from you. So I feel like there's a lot he could teach me.
 * Sheldon: Bert, please. I know I behaved poorly in the past, but things will be different this time. You'll see. Come on, let me in. We'll have some laughs, we'll calculate some isotope ratios.
 * Bert Kibbler: I'm sorry, Sheldon. [he closes the door]
 * Leonard: So you just shut the door in his face? I got to start writing this stuff down.


 * Raj: I mean, Ruchi's nice. We're just so diff
 * Howard: I know. Sometimes when you're dating, you meet weird people. I once met a girl who didn't like juggling.
 * Bernadette: And she still doesn't.


 * Bernadette: So you're not gonna see her again?
 * Raj: What's the point? We're never gonna be in a real relationship.
 * Howard: Right, so you'll only be in a physical one?
 * Raj: Exactly. Why would I want to spend time with someone like that?
 * Howard: Someone who is just interested in sex?
 * Raj: Yeah.
 * Bernadette: Raj, do you real...
 * Howard: Whoa, hold on. Give him a chance. He's gonna get this.
 * Bernadette: [seeing Raj's blank expression] I don't think he is.
 * Raj: What is there to get? She doesn't want to fall in love. At that point, all we are is two single people who find each other attractive and enjoy having... (realization dawns on him) Oh, got to go!


 * Howard: So, how was your night with Ruchi?
 * Raj: Oh, great. We ordered in some food, we had sex, I left. I didn't even ask if she enjoyed it.
 * Howard: I can field that one for her.
 * Raj: I mean, I did get a little misty when we said goodbye, but I played it off as allergies. I don't know if she bought it.
 * Howard: Again, I know.