Something's a Ms.

(Opening shot: the city skyline in the afternoon.)

Narrator: The city of Townsville!

(The exterior of Townsville Hall.)

Narrator: The setting of Townsville!

(A couch in the Mayor’s office.)

Narrator: The settee of Townsville!

(The Mayor walks into view, hops onto the couch, and pulls out a compact disc.)

Narrator: The CD of Townsville!

(Close-up of a record player turntable. The disc is set on this, and the needle is lowered. Pull back to show the player as an old Victrola, the needle screeching and squeaking against the plastic since this was not one of the old phonograph records it is used to playing. Pull back across the office; the Mayor snaps his fingers to the “beat”, completely oblivious to how the CD is not a match for the Victrola's design.)

Narrator: The pity of Townsville!

(Ms. Bellum steps into view, her back to the camera; cut to in front of her, at the office door, and turn up from her feet. She has one hand on her hip.)

Narrator: The pretty of Townsville!

(Back to the couch. She walks into view next to the Mayor, who is still snapping away.)

Mayor: Ooh, mama! (She sits down.) This techno music is dope!

(Ms. Bellum produces a makeup case, takes out a lipstick, and touches herself up a bit; of course, we do not see the end result. She puts the case aside, then crosses her legs and clears her throat—softly at first, then louder, leaning toward him. He pays no attention.)

Mayor: A glass of water’ll clear that right up. (She reaches past him o.c.)

(When she speaks, her voice takes on a low, seductive tone—an urbane Mae West, perhaps.)

Ms. Bellum: Let’s shut this off, shall we? (The squeaking CD stops.) Ahhh. (pulling him toward herself) Much better…don’t you think?

Mayor: Uh…sure. (Pause.) Ms. Bellum?

Ms. Bellum: Yes? (He tugs at his collar.)

Mayor: Is there something on your mind?

Ms. Bellum: Oh, I’m so glad you asked. Could I take the rest of the afternoon off?

(This request startles him considerably. Close-up of him.)

Mayor: The rest of the afternoon?! I don’t know, Ms. Bellum! So much to do, so little time!

(She leans into view facing him, her hair blocking him from sight. We hear a big sloppy kiss being planted; she leans o.c., and he now has the print of her lips on his nose.)

Mayor: Okay. (Pull back.)

Ms. Bellum: (walking o.c.) Thank you, Mayor. I’ll see you later. (The door slams o.c.)

(He stays on the couch; pull back across the office. The only sound is the ticking of a clock. Through the window, afternoon fades to night and the room darkens. After some moments, the door bursts open o.c. and Ms. Bellum runs into view. Her come-hither air is replaced by total panic.)

Ms. Bellum: Mayor!

Mayor: (slyly) Back for seconds, Ms. Bellum?

Ms. Bellum: No, Mayor. I’ve got to call the girls! (Quick pan to the hotline; she picks it up and speaks into it.) Girls! Townsville Bank has just been robbed!

(On the end of this, the scene dissolves around her to the bank lobby. In front of her, the vault stands open and empty. The girls fly in, one by one, in time with the next three lines.)

Blossom: No clues here.

Buttercup: Nothing over there.

Bubbles: I couldn’t find anything either.

Blossom: Not one shred of evidence.

Buttercup: That criminal was thorough.

Bubbles: Very!

Ms. Bellum: (shaken) I was so afraid…I wish I could have called you sooner! (starting to cry) I’m so sorry! I’m sorry!

Bubbles: It’s not your fault, Ms. Bellum.

Buttercup: Why don’t you go home now?

Blossom: Yes. Get some sleep. We’ll finish up here.

Ms. Bellum: Thank you, girls. (walking o.c.) I will.

(Fade to black.)

(Fade into the exterior of Townsville Hall in the afternoon.)

Narrator: The very next afternoon…

(Inside, Ms. Bellum enters the Mayor’s office and stops at his desk, leaning across it. The seductive tone has returned to her voice.)

Ms. Bellum: Hello, Mayor. (Pan left to show him, working and not looking up.)

Mayor: Good day, Ms. Bellum. How is every little—

(He looks up at her; his eye pops wide open, and he breaks his pencil. His perspective of her.)

Mayor: —thing? (Back to him.) Heh—pencil go snap.

(Close-up of the broken pencil in his hand; she reaches into view and holds it with him.)

Ms. Bellum: (from o.c.) Here. Let me help you with that.

(She guides his hand to the electric pencil sharpener on his desk; pull back to show him babbling with his eye rolling up in his head—this is having quite an effect on him. When the machine stops, he sighs contentedly and looks in surprise at the pencil, now ground down to a nub.)

Mayor: Uh—Ms. Bellum? Is there something on your mind?

Ms. Bellum: Oh, I’m so glad you asked. Could I take the rest of the afternoon off?

Mayor: (slyly) The rest of the afternoon? I don’t know, Ms. Bellum. So much to do—so little time?

(Again she leans into view, her hair blocking him from sight, and kisses him. When she leans away, he has another lip-print on his nose.)

Mayor: Okay. (Long shot of the office; he is alone at his desk.)

Ms. Bellum: (from o.c.) Thank you, Mayor. (The door closes o.c.)

(Through the window, day fades into the night as the clock’s ticking is heard. After a few moments, cut to Ms. Bellum at the office door, where she has just burst in, again panicked.)

Ms. Bellum: Mayor!

Mayor: You know, we gotta stop meeting like this. (Cut to the hotline.)

Ms. Bellum: (from o.c.) No, Mayor. (reaching into view, picking up the phone) I’ve gotta call the girls! (Cut to behind her; she speaks into the receiver.) The jewelry store has just been robbed!

(The scene dissolves around her to a store with a row of smashed display cases. The girls hover in front of her.)

Buttercup: Man, not one stinking clue again!

Blossom: It has to be the same criminal.

Bubbles: But, lucky for us, Ms. Bellum was around again too.

Ms. Bellum: (shaken) I don’t feel so lucky. (She starts to cry.)

Blossom: You did everything you could, Ms. Bellum. Why don’t you go home and rest?

Ms. Bellum: Thank you. (walking o.c.) I will.

(Cut to the exterior of Townsville Hall in the afternoon.)

Narrator: The next afternoon…

(Inside, Ms. Bellum is in front of the Mayor’s desk, her back to the camera. She is heard planting several kisses; when she moves aside, he has lipstick all over his face.)

Mayor: You can take off the whole week.

(Cut to the office door as it slams shut, then dissolve back to him, looking very much out of it. Dissolve to the sun in the afternoon sky, which becomes the moon at night, and back to the still-immobile Mayor. Now Ms. Bellum bursts in and picks up the hotline; around her, the scene dissolves to a hallway in the museum. All the artwork is gone. The girls, hovering in front of her, shake their heads in bewilderment.)

(Cut to the exterior of Townsville Hall in the afternoon.)

Narrator: The noon after…

(Inside, the Mayor sprays cologne on himself, using an old-style atomizer. He straightens his bow tie and checks his breath, then folds his hands on the desk, apparently ready for Ms. Bellum to plant another kiss or several on his face like before so he'll excuse her for more time off. Pull back to the ticking of the clock; once again day fades into night. Cut to his side of the desk and zoom in slightly on the door—which does not burst open this time. Close-up of him as he soon realizes she's not showing up this time and he's been stood up.)

Mayor: That woman is so fired.

(A fax machine starts up o.c., and he turns his head in surprise. Cut to it, with a transmission coming in—the paper shows jagged rows of text—then to the exterior of the girls’ house at night.)

Blossom: (from inside house) Who could it be?

(Inside, Blossom floats across the bedroom in midair as she continues; the camera follows her over to her sisters in their beanbag chairs. She paces behind them. Bubbles is thinking very hard.)

Blossom: Who could be clever enough to not leave any trace of the crime?

Buttercup: Maybe it was Mojo Jojo.

Blossom: No. It was too well planned out.

Buttercup: True. How about “Him”?

Blossom: No, too trivial.

Buttercup: Gangreen Gang?

Blossom: Juvie.

Buttercup: Oh, yeah.

Bubbles: (blurting out) Fuzzy Lumpkins!

[Note: “Juvie” is slang for “juvenile hall,” where the Gang would most likely have ended up after their graffiti spree in “Slave the Day.”]

(The hotline buzzes and Blossom goes and picks it up.)

Blossom: What is it, Mayor? (Excited talking on the other end.) What?

(Cut to behind the other two girls. Blossom has hung up the phone.)

Blossom: Girls! New details have come to light. City Hall! On the double!

(They take off through the ceiling; quick cut to the exterior of Townsville Hall as they approach, then go inside the office, the camera pointing at the door. It swings open, revealing the girls. Side view of the Mayor in an armchair by the fire, his head bowed. Long silence. Cut to a head-on view of him, the girls floating into view behind him, then to a close-up of them.)

Mayor: (from o.c., very dejected) It’s funny. I look back on a life of achievements. (Cut to behind him on one side.) Challenges met, opponents defeated, hurdles jumped. I have accomplished more than most men, without the use of my brain. Do you know what it is that makes a man, girls?

Girls: (uneasily) Uh… (Stay on them.)

Mayor: (from o.c.) Bellum.

Girls: What? (Behind him again.)

Mayor: Ms. Sara Bellum. The brains behind the man. (sniffling) Are you surprised by my tears? Strong men also cry. (softer) Strong men…also, cry. (holding up a sheet) I just received this fax.

(Blossom looks at it, the other girls reading over her shoulders. Her perspective; it is the one that came in earlier. The message is composed of letters and words cut from magazines.)

Blossom: (reading) “I have Bellum. Bring one million in unmarked, non-consecutive bills to Ms. Bellum’s house. No funny stuff. Love, Sedusa.”

[Dialogue/animation goofs: The actual amount of money on the note is $100 million, and Ms. Bellum is referred to as Miss.]

(Close-up of the girls, still studying the note.)

Bubbles: (gasping) Sedusa?!

Buttercup: That’s a bummer, man.

Blossom: Don’t worry, Mayor. We’ll get your Bellum back. Let’s roll! (They take off, crashing through the ceiling; the note floats to the ground.)

(Fade to black.)

(Fade into the night sky and turn down to Ms. Bellum’s house, seen from the street. A twisting path leads up to the structure—rather stark and angular in its plan, after the style of Frank Lloyd Wright. The mailbox/intercom speaker at street level shows her address as 69 Yodelinda Valley Lane. Cut to an overhead view of the girls flying over the area.)

Blossom: There’s Ms. Bellum’s home!

(They stop over the house, a swimming pool behind it. Close-up of them; Bubbles has a valise.)

Blossom: Buttercup! Scan the structure and locate Sedusa.

Buttercup: I’m on it.

(Her eyes glow green; cut to her perspective, panning across the house. The view is green, with outlines of the furniture visible—she is using her X-rays. Stop at one end, where two glowing figures are seen.)

Buttercup: I’m picking up two life forms in the north wing. (Cut to Blossom.)

Blossom: That’s them. (looking o.c.) Bubbles! You got that ransom? (Pan to her.)

Bubbles: Blossom, Roger—I mean, Roger, Blossom. (Pull back.)

Blossom: Okay. Wing attack plan R. Let’s move in! (They do so.)

(Inside, the girls crash through the ceiling. Ms. Bellum stands over Sedusa at the end of the room.)

Blossom: Okay, Sedusa. We’ve got your money. (Bubbles holds up the valise.) Now give us back—

(Close-up of the two women. Sedusa is tied to a chair, her head down.)

Blossom: (from o.c.) Ms. Bellum?

Ms. Bellum: (from o.c.) Girls! Thank goodness you’re here.

(Sedusa raises her head; her eyes are wide, and a strip of tape covers her mouth. She makes muffled cries of panic. Pull back; the girls fly up, one by one, in time with the next three lines.)

Blossom: Whoa!

Bubbles: Holy cow!

Buttercup: Dude!

Blossom: Ms. Bellum, I thought you—and—she, but—and then—how—?

Bubbles, Buttercup: Yeah!

Ms. Bellum: Girls, girls! The details are unimportant now. What is important is that I’m safe— (pointing o.c.) —and we can send this criminal to jail.

(Cut to Sedusa, now sounding even more frantic through the tape, as if pleading with the Girls to not listen to Ms. Bellum, and back to her.)

Ms. Bellum: Look. It’s been a long day. So, if you don’t mind— (Blossom flies up, taking her hand.)

Blossom: Oh, yes. Here, let me help you. Why don’t you take a seat?! (She flings Ms. Bellum the full length of the room. Sedusa grunts in surprise as the woman slams into a couch, knocking it over. The girls fly up to survey the results of the strike; Ms. Bellum’s hand reaches up from behind the couch, and she climbs up, groaning slightly.)

Ms. Bellum: Girls…have you gone out of your heads?!

Blossom: Don’t “girls” us, you impostor!

Buttercup: You expect us to believe that you happened to witness every crime?

Blossom: And that you happened to be kidnapped?

Buttercup: And singlehandedly subdued Sedusa?

Bubbles: Well, think again…Sedusa!

(She grabs hold of Ms. Bellum’s hair and rips it away. Now Sedusa stands behind the overturned couch, her true face and writhing, overgrown hair exposed, and a look of seething rage at being exposed written all over her face. She still wears Ms. Bellum’s clothes, though. She leaps over the couch, snarls, and lashes out toward the girls.)

Blossom, Buttercup: Look out!

(Bubbles is hit dead on. She screams as the strand carries her along; it slams her into the window, leaving her pinned under pink slime. She struggles to pull loose, but without success.)

Bubbles: Help! I’m stuck!

Sedusa: How do you like my new hair gel?

(Buttercup flies to Bubbles and starts scraping at the goo that holds her.)

Buttercup: I got you, Bubbles!

Bubbles: Buttercup! Look out!

Buttercup: (turning around) What? (Hair lashes into view and pushes her o.c. She grunts.)

Bubbles: Buttercup!

(Buttercup is yanked into and out of view, yelling in surprise, and finally plastered to the window next to Bubbles. She tries to free herself and fails.)

Buttercup: Sorry, Bubbles.

Sedusa: Two down, one to go. You girls stick around while I finish your sister!

(Blossom is working on untying the captive Sedusa, now knowing it is really Ms. Bellum in disguise to throw off the Girls, but is having trouble undoing the ropes.)

Blossom: I’ve almost got it!

Sedusa: (from o.c., pointing) You stay away from her!

Blossom: Make me! (Cut to Sedusa.)

Sedusa: I’m glad you asked.

(She reaches into her suit jacket and pulls out two flat objects—perhaps pieces of armor plating she wore under her bra. She hurls these at Blossom, who deflects them easily.)

Blossom: You have to do better than that!

Sedusa: Merely a diversionary tactic. Look behind you!

(Blossom does so and finds a lock of hair reared up next to her arm. She is grabbed and held fast, and her other limbs are seized as well. Cut to her perspective of Sedusa from overhead.)

Sedusa: Try picking those locks!

(More hair snakes toward the camera, blacking out the screen for a moment. Fade in to show all three girls stuck to the window; the top of Sedusa’s hair is visible at the bottom of the screen.)

 [Animated goof: Blossom's next line is strangely muffled as if it were underwater]

Blossom: Sorry, guys.

Bubbles, Buttercup: That’s okay, Blossom. (Pull back to bring Sedusa into view, facing them.)

Sedusa: (sighing) This was too easy. (pacing) Now, my only dilemma is whether to finish you off quickly or do it painfully slow. But that would be splitting hairs!

(She laughs madly, the fireplace casting a deranged glow over her as it momentarily flares up as she cackles before the next line brings her out of her celebration.)

Ms. Bellum: (from o.c.) Not so fast, Sedusa!

(Pull back; she stands across from Sedusa, still wearing the latter’s clothes and face. Like Sedusa, Ms. Bellum's Sedusa hair is slithering about, but only for the moment. When it is seen again, it has stopped moving.)

Ms. Bellum: You haven’t won yet!

Sedusa: You think you can beat me when your superheroes could not? Never!

Ms. Bellum: Oh, yeah?

(She pulls the face off. Just before it gives way, cut to behind her; that mass of curly red-orange hair erupts into view.)

Ms. Bellum: Try me!

(She throws the mask aside. Sedusa catches her around the waist; Ms. Bellum grunts, holding her arms out. Sedusa lifts her into the air. Cut to the girls trapped on the window; she is lifted into view, helpless with her arms down.)

Girls: Ms. Bellum!

(Sedusa stares up angrily at her. Sedusa lashes out at her again, striking her in the face; immediately, cut to the girls.)

Girls: (turning their heads) Ooh!

(Now Ms. Bellum is slammed to the ground. Sedusa stands over her, chuckling, but Ms. Bellum reaches up to grab her by the hair and pull her down. She punches Sedusa in the face a couple of times, but Sedusa kicks her in the chest and propels her down the length of the room and into a spiral staircase; Ms. Bellum appears incapacitated. Sedusa quickly grabs her by the hair and throws her into a shelf of knickknacks, then onto a glass table and small rug and finally up against the window where the girls are trapped. She slides slowly down o.c. as the girls stare down at her.)

(She stands up, as Sedusa taunts her; This angers her, as she shakes her fists. Now Ms. Bellum moves in, catching Sedusa with a flying tackle. Cut to outside the house, at the edge of the pool; the windows are a very short distance away. After a moment, the two women crash through in a shower of glass. Freeze frame of them suspended in midair, tumbling toward the water.)

(Now they sink slowly to the bottom of the pool. Ms. Bellum swims for the surface, but Sedusa grabs her by the ankle and drags her down again. The two trade blows; the exchange ends with Ms. Bellum delivering a kick to Sedusa, who goes up for air after she recovers. Cut to the edge, just above water. A small patch begins to bubble, and Sedusa pokes her head up, gasping for air. She disappears under the water; from inside the pool, we see Ms. Bellum directing a punch her way. She screams, her voice sounding very bubbly, and the screen flashes white. When it clears, Sedusa sinks to the bottom, unconscious, as Ms. Bellum watches. The latter goes and swims up.)

(She climbs out of the pool and staggers to the broken window. When she first surfaces, her hair has lost its normal curliness and gone all wet and slick against her back and shoulders but snaps right back to its normal curly style as she staggers over to the window frame to catch her breath from nearly drowning while fighting Sedusa underwater. Gasping and coughing, she leans against the frame. Behind her, the water bubbles and Sedusa pokes her head up. Now her hair is quite limp and soggy.)

Sedusa: (deliberately) This isn’t over.

(She lashes out with a lock of hair, but it falls limply back over her face. She tries again, with the same result—her hair gel has been washed out. The venom and anger evaporate from her face, replaced by disbelief and shock at what has become of her hair.)

Sedusa: (stammering) My hair! What happened to my hair? (splashing) YOU BROKE MY HAIR! (also crying) My poor hair!

Ms. Bellum: (to herself) That’s it! (She snaps her fingers.)

(Inside, a vase is grabbed from a shelf and its flowers are tossed to the floor. Cut to the girls; a splash of water is thrown onto them from o.c.—the water in the vase—and they break loose. Blossom is first, then Bubbles and Buttercup at the same time. They float in front of Ms. Bellum.)

Blossom: Thanks for getting us out of a hairy situation.

(Cut to Sedusa’s feet and turn up to her head on the next line. She is ready to go again.)

Sedusa: I don’t need my hair to beat you— (suddenly frightened) B-B-B…

(Her perspective of the four, shifting from one to the next. The three whose faces can be seen glare at her with unbridled fury.)

Sedusa: (with mounting fear) Blossom?…Buttercup?…Bubbles?…Bellum?!

Ms. Bellum: (pulling out scissors) Let’s finish this, shall we, girls?

Girls: Let’s! (Cut to Sedusa.)

Sedusa: (pleading) No! Not that! (kneeling) Please! Anything but that!

(Close-up of the scissors snapping in Ms. Bellum’s hand, then cut to the side of the pool perpendicular to the windows. Silhouettes of the five are seen inside. As Sedusa cries out, pan across the pool away from the windows, putting the group out of view.)

Sedusa: No! No! Please! No, stop! (We hear hair being snipped.) No, don’t! Don’t!…NOOOOOO!

(Stop at the other end of the pool, the city skyline visible in the background. Cut to the exterior of Townsville Hall in the afternoon.)

Narrator: And finally…

(Extreme close-up of the Mayor in his office. He is ecstatic.)

Mayor: Oh, my dear sweet Ms. Bellum! It’s so good to have you back! (Pull back; he is hugging her at about hip level.) I would have gladly paid fifty million dollars for your safe return!

Ms. Bellum: That reminds me. Girls, where on earth did you come up with a million dollars for the ransom?

(They are in front of her. The valise Bubbles was carrying sits open on the floor.)

Blossom: It wasn’t really a million dollars.

Buttercup: It was the Mayor’s dirty laundry.

Bubbles: The whites! (She pulls a pair of underwear out of the valise.)

Mayor: (to Ms. Bellum) Uh, speaking of dirty laundry—don’t you think we should let ’em in on our little secret, hmm?

Ms. Bellum: (sighing wearily) For the last time, Mayor, it was not me trying to seduce you. It was Sedusa, dressed up like me.

Mayor: (deflated) Oh. (perking up) Oh, well, in that case— (jumping down o.c.) —I’ll see you later. (Pull back; he crosses in front of the girls and walks o.c.)

Ms. Bellum: Where are you going? (Cut to him at the office door.)

Mayor: To the prison. Visiting hours are almost over. Toodles!

(He shuts the door. The girls and Ms. Bellum look after him, puzzled.)

(The background for the end shot comes up.)

Narrator: And so once again the day is saved—

(Ms. Bellum appears front and center in Blossom’s pose.)

Narrator: —thanks to Ms. Bellum—

(The girls appear: Bubbles on the left, Buttercup and Blossom on the right, looking up at her with admiration.)

Narrator: —and the Powerpuff Girls! The cuties of Townsville!