Dinner With Vader


 * [At Cloud City]


 * Lando: I've made a deal that will keep the empire out of our affairs forever.


 * [Door opens to reveal Darth Vader sitting at the head of a table; he rises as Chewbacca roars and Han Solo fires multiple times with his blaster; Vader deflects the blasts and pulls Han's blaster away]


 * Darth Vader: We'd be honored if you could join us.


 * [Boba Fett stands by Vader and stormtroopers block the entrance; cutaway to everyone sitting at the table; everyone is silent; Han looks in his glass to see it is empty as a stormtrooper serves more food to Lando; Darth Vader tries to drink out of a glass but can't until a stormtrooper puts in a straw]


 * Han Solo: [nervously quiet] C-could- can I get a little more water?


 * Darth Vader: WHAT?


 * Han Solo: Nothing! [clears throat] I just asked for more water. [a stormtrooper refills his glass]


 * [Han looks over to Boba who is shaking his head at him, Han is confused, Boba makes a cutting noise across the throat which angers Han, Boba continues mocking Han by shooting a finger gun at Han, Han in response pretends to inflate his middle finger, but Boba is not shaken and "cranks" up his own middle finger in response, Han annoyed gives up]


 * Lando: [breaking the silence] Sooo, how we doin'? Leia, how's the soup? You ever had soup this good?


 * Princess Leia: Yes... [menacingly at Vader] on Alderaan!


 * Darth Vader: [chuckling] Hey, princess, let it gooooooo... [gets a muffin using the force and stands up] [doing a mocking reconstruction of the destruction of Alderaan] "Ohh, help me! 'We're a peaceful planet. You may fire when ready!" [throws crumbs in everyone's faces] BOOOOOOOORRRRAAAARRRR!!!!!! Big Laser! BSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Alderaan chunks everywhere! [chuckles] Psssshhhhhhh....[sits down]


 * [brief silence]


 * Han Solo: Anyone uh...Anyone got a joke?


 * Lando: I got one. Who's got two thumbs, and betrayed his best friend? [no response, cracking up, points to himself using his thumbs] THIS GUY! [no response] Uhhhhh...too soon?


 * Darth Vader: Well... [sighs] it's been a time and a half. But... [sighs again and stretches] lot of torturing to do. Bweep do-da-loop-de-hooo. [sings and walks away accidentally taking the table cloth with him causing all the dishes to crash onto the floor]