The Zarnecki Incursion


 * Penny: Did you know last weekend Priya took Leonard rollerblading at the beach? Can you believe that?
 * Bernadette: I feel like I’m supposed to say that bitch, but I don’t have enough information.
 * Penny: I am the one who spent two years trying to get him to even go to the beach in the first place. And he was so phobic about stepping on medical waste, I had to carry him to the water.
 * Bernadette: (sarcastic) I took Howard to the beach once. He almost burst into flames like a vampire.
 * Penny: So what’s the thanks I get for turning Leonard into quality boyfriend material? I have to tiptoe around his new girlfriend.
 * Amy: I think you’re on.
 * Bernadette: (she's quite guiltily) Oh. (she gasps crossly) That bitch!
 * Penny: Want some coffee liqueur on your ice cream?
 * Amy: Ah, here’s the alcohol and drug peer pressure Mother warned me about. I was starting to think it was never going to happen. Yes, please.
 * Penny: You guys should’ve seen Leonard when I first met him. There was no eye contact. He was either looking up at the ceiling, or down at his shoes.
 * Amy: I’m drunk.
 * Penny: You know, for the first couple of months, whenever I would take off my bra, he would giggle and say, oh boy, my breast friends.
 * Bernadette: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m never speaking to Priya again.
 * Penny: No, don’t do that. No reason to be mean to her.
 * Amy: This may be the alcohol talking, but I believe there is. Are you familiar with the recent study of Tanzanian chimpanzees by Nishida and Hosaka out of Kyoto University?
 * Penny: No, but I can name all the Kardashians.
 * Amy: Primates, such as ourselves, have a natural instinct to ostracize ill-mannered members of the troop. Bernadette’s urge to shun, scowl or fling her waste at Priya is hard-wired into her DNA.
 * Bernadette: (she speaks to Amy crossly) I don’t have an urge to fling my waste.
 * Amy: Believe me, it’s there, we all have it. Hit me with some more booze, and I’ll show you.


 * Sheldon: Stale pastry is hollow succor to a man who is bereft of ostrich.
 * Penny: Just say thank you.
 * Sheldon: I thought I just did.


 * Sheldon: Why hast thou forsaken me, o deity whose existence I doubt?


 * Penny: Oh, hi! I was just dropping a cheesecake to Sheldon. He was robbed of a bunch of imaginary crap that's useful in a make-believe place.
 * Priya: I don't know what that means.
 * Penny: Yeah, well, sadly, I do!


 * Amy: Well, well, well. Look who it is.
 * Penny: Okay, be nice.
 * Priya: Hello.
 * Penny: Hi. We’re just heading out for a drink.
 * Amy: Because I do that now.
 * Bernadette: Count your blessings you’re not a Tanzanian chimp.
 * Priya: What?
 * Penny: Don’t listen to her, she’s had a lot of ice cream. Do you want to join us?
 * Priya: Oh, thank you, but I have work to do.
 * Amy: Four women walk down the stairs, how many reach the lobby?


 * Leonard: I don't know if I can ditch Priya two nights in a row.
 * Raj: Oh, come on, man! Bros before... my sister.


 * Todd Zarnecki: Now what?
 * Penny: Give my friend his stuff back.
 * Todd Zarnecki (denying any wrongdoing): I don't know what you're talking about.
 * Penny: Well then, good news! Today's the day a girl's finally going to touch you in your little special place. (kicks him in the groin) Now give him his stuff back.
 * Todd Zarnecki (on his knees in clear pain): Okay.
 * Sheldon: We did it! (the gang looks at him, unconvinced) I said we.


 * Penny: (after she and Priya walk up the stairs in a tense silence) Amy is right. I do wanna fling my poop at her!


 * Penny: So, Leonard, I think it's interesting you didn't call your girlfriend to come get you.
 * Leonard: Oh, I kind of told her I was working.
 * Penny: Oh. So you lied to her. Also interesting.
 * Leonard: She doesn't really understand the whole World of Warcraft adventure role-playing thing.
 * Penny: Oh. Doesn't matter if she gets it, as long as she's pretty.