Diversity Day

Diversity Day is the second episode of The Office. It aired on March 29, 2005.

Transcript
[Opening credits]

[Mr Brown is setting up the conference room when Michael interrupts him]

Michael: Hey, uh, can I help you out in here?Mr. Brown: Oh, I'm all set, thanks.

Michael: Gotcha. Good. I'd go with the rows. That's a good idea.

[Michael is in an interview]

Michael: Today is diversity day and someone's going to come in and talk to us about diversity. It's something that I've been pushing, that I've been wanting to push, for a long time and Corporate mandated it. And I never actually talked to Corporate about it. They kind of beat me to the punch, the bastards. But I was going to. And I think it's very important that we have this. I'm very, very excited.

[Jim is on the phone with a client]

Jim: That's the thing. It's very sturdy paper and on the back it says, "100% post-consumer content." What? Hello? Uh-huh. Wait. What? I'm sorry, Mr. Decker. I think I'm losing you. [Shedder whirring] Hello? Hello? Yeah. Hold on one second. I don't know. Hold on one second.

Jim: Do you really have to do that right now?

Dwight: Yes I do. I should have done it weeks ago actually.

Jim: Mr. Decker, I'm sorry about that. What were you... Can you hold on one second? Yeah, just one second. Thanks. [Power off, silence] Hello? That's it. Perfect. So what I was saying... [Dialing tone] Hello? Thanks, Dwight.

Dwight: Retaliation. Tit for tit.

Jim: That is not the expression. [Shredder starts whirring again]

Dwight: Well, it should be.

[Jim is in an interview]

Jim: This is my biggest sale of the year. They love me over there for some reason. I'm not really sure why but I make one call over there every year, just to renew their account, and that one call ends up being 25% of my commission for the whole year, so I buy a mini bottle of champagne, celebrate a little. And this year I'm pushing recycled paper on them for one percent more. I know. I'm getting cocky. Right?

[Pam is playing solitaire on her computer when Jim comes to her desk]

Jim: Solitaire?

Pam: Yeah, Freecell.

Jim: Six on seven.

Pam: I know. I saw that.

Jim: So then, why didn't you do it?

Pam: I'm saving that 'cause I like it when the cards go T-ts-ts-tch-tch-tch.

Jim: Who doesn't love that?

''[Michael comes out of his office and then goes back in again. When Mr Brown exits the conference room, Michael exits his office alongside him]''

Michael: Hey, Oscar! How are you doing, man?

Oscar: All right.

Michael: Did you have a good weekend going there?

Oscar: It was fine.

Michael: Oh yeah, I bet it was fun. [to Mr. Brown] Oh, hey! This is Oscar-

Oscar: Martinez.

Michael: Right. See? I don't even know, first-name basis!

Mr. Brown: Great. We're all set.

Michael: Oh hey, well, diversity, everybody, let's do it. Oscar works in... here. Jim, could you wrap it up, please?

Jim: Yeah, uh, Mr. Decker, please.

Michael: It's diversity day, Jim. I wish every day was diversity day.

Jim: You know what? I'm actually going to have to call you back. Thank you. Sorry about that.

[In the conference room, Mr Brown is collecting cards from everyone]

Mr. Brown: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Great.

Michael: Come on people, let's get 'em in. Get in the cards! Get in the cards!

Mr. Brown: Thank you. Thank you very much. OK. Thanks for filling these out and I promise this'll be quick. At Diversity Today, our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations. We believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance.

Michael: You know what? This is a color-free-zone here. Stanley, I don't look at you as another race.

Mr. Brown: Uh, see this is what I'm talking about. We don't have to pretend we're color-blind.

Michael: Exactly, were not...

Mr. Brown: That's fighting ignorance with more ignorance.

Michael: With tolerance.

Mr. Brown: No. With more ignorance.

Michael: Ignorance.

Mr. Brown: Right. Exactly. Uh, instead, we need to celebrate our diversity.

Michael: Let's celebrate.

Mr. Brown: Right. OK.

Michael: Celebrate good times. Come on! Let's celebrate diversity. Right?

Mr. Brown: Yes, exactly. Now here's what we're going to do. I've noticed that...

Michael: You know what? Here's what we're going to do. Why don't we go around and everybody... everybody say a race that you are attracted to sexually. I will go last. Go.

Dwight: I have two. White and Indian. [Kelly, the Indian girl who is sitting next to Dwight, looks shocked]

Mr. Brown: Actually, I'd prefer not to start that way. Michael, I would love to have your permission to run this session. Can I have your permission?

Michael: Yes.

Mr. Brown: Thank you very much. And it would also help me if you were seated.

Michael: OK.

Mr. Brown: Thank you. OK. Now, at the start of the session, I had you all write down an incident that you found offensive in the workplace. Now, what I'm going to do is choose one and we're going to act it out.

Dwight: A few of the ground rules?

Michael: Hey, hey why don't you run it by me and I'll run it by him.

Dwight: OK, can we steer away from gay people?

Mr. Brown: Um...

Dwight: I'm sorry. It's an orientation. It's not a race. Plus a lot of other races are intolerant of gays, so...paradox.

Mr. Brown: Well, we only have an hour.

Dwight: I figured it would save time.

Michael: OK. Why don't we just defer to Mr...

Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown.

Michael: Ah. Oh, right! OK. First test. I will not call you that.

Mr. Brown: Well, it's my name. It's not a test. OK? Um, so looking through the cards, I've noticed that many of you wrote down the same incident, which is ironic, because it's the exact incident I was brought in here to respond to. Now, how many of you are familiar with the Chris Rock routine? [A few people raise their hands] Very good. OK.