The Rider

Part 1
(Opens showing a sandy planet with three giant cacti. Zoom in on Wander, walking slowly and carrying two minuscule life forms on a cushion.)

Wander: Don't...worry...Mr...and...Mrs...Brit-tle...we'll...have...you...and...your...family...moved...in...no.........................time.

(During the end of this, he reaches a three story dollhouse and, on the last two words, he sets the cushion down slowly. At the start of the next line, zoom out as Sylvia walks into view, carrying a huge load of small boxes.)

Sylvia: Y'know, for such tiny little folks, ya sure do have a (She sets them down.) ton of stuff! (Close-up, she pats her hands.) Well, hope you love the new place, folks. Remember, it's not just a house, it's a home. (She starts to leave.)

Wander: (offscreen, appailed) Sylvia!! (She stops; cut to him.) We're not done yet!

(He picks up one of the boxes and backs away a bit, before opening it and producing a small green armchair.)

Wander: So, Mr. Brittle's reading chair.

(Cut to inside the second floor of the dollhouse, Wander's head peeks in.)

Wander: I'm thinking... third floor study?

(He reaches the chair into view on the end of this. We hear a squeaking sound; cut to the Brittles as Mr. Brittle says something, his vocals established as squeaking noises. Widen to put Wander in view as he goes silent.)

Wander: Tch, you're right! The east bedroom would get some sun during the wintry months...

(On the latter part of this line, cut to a close-up of a bored Sylvia.)

Sylvia: Wander, is it just me, or have our latest adventures lacked a certain element of... y'know, adventure?

(There is a long, awkward pause as Wander hangs his head sadly, before it comes up in a big grin. He peeks into view behind Sylvia's back.)

Wander: I know just what you need, Sylvia. We'll bust into Hater's ship...

Sylvia: (Brightening up) Yeah?

Wander: And give Barry a birthday cake!

(A noisemaker sounds as balloons, streamers and confetti float past on the last two words.)

Sylvia: (confused) Barry?

Wander: (gets off Sylvia) One of the Watchdogs? Turning thirty? Hasn't told anybody, but hopes they remember anyway? Poor Barry.

Sylvia: (sighs) Look. I'm all for helping. I could just use a little more... I don't know... action.

(There is an explosion which snaps the two and causes the boxes behind them to come tumbling down. Cut to just behind them; a ship modeled to look like a space shuttle comes flying over them; Wander manages to hold onto the Brittles' dollhouse while Sylvia holds onto him. The ship zooms over their heads and falls down in the distance, and there is an explosion as the sky goes orange.)

(Cut to a long shot as Sylvia approaches the damage site. From her perspective, a man peeks out, the camera zooming in and out repeatedly on him. He is dressed like a space captain and has a hairstyle similar to Sylvia's. Sylvia manages to shake her head rapidly as her mood transitions to anger.)

Sylvia: YOU!

Man: You.

(Long shot; Hater's ship flies in, its "mouth" moving to Hater's voice.)

Hater: (voice amplified, from inside ship) YOU!! So, surrender now, thief, and your death, will be slightly less painful! (pauses, notices Sylvia) Wait, you?!

(Close-up on Sylvia; the man hops onto her back as they pose; the scene changes to a watercolor artwork freeze-frame as the title shows up.)

(Scene returns to normal as we cut to an exasperated Wander, no longer holding onto the Brittles' dollhouse.)

Wander: Drat, these window treatments are just all askew!

(As he reaches into the dollhouse on the end of this, Sylvia rushes past, the man holding the reins as she scoops up Wander with her tail. Lasers blast through; cut to a long shot as Sylvia dodges the lasers shot by the ship. Close-up on her as the man peeks into view.)

Man: 42?

(They screech to a halt...)

Wander: WHOA!

(...and start running in the other direction, right towards the ship. As they get closer, Sylvia grinds her teeth determinedly and the man pulls her reins hard enough to stop.)

Man: Whoaaaaa!!!

(They rush past, dust filling the screen. When it clears, Hater coughs, voice amplified from inside, and realizes the trio is not here.)

Hater: (voice amplified, from inside ship) Huh? Huh? Huh?! HUH?!?

(On the last two "huh"s, the camera zooms out to a long shot of the landscape, and finally to the establishing shot of the planet.)

Hater: (voice amplified, from inside ship) AWW, MAN!

(The ship zooms off.)

(Cut back to the landscape; as the smoke trail from the ship clears, Sylvia and the man fall out of a tree and land on the ground, staring each other down. Cut to just behind the man's back, tracking slowly around the stare-off.)

Sylvia: Well, you ain't any lighter.

(Behind shot of her at the man, panning similarly.)

Man: And that saddle of yours sure ain't any softer.

(Extreme close-up of Sylvia's face, panning across.)

Sylvia: Good thing I was around to save that ugly mug o' yours.

(Extreme close-up of the man's face, panning across.)

Man: Like I've ever needed help from your craggy old hide.

(Extreme close-ups of Sylvia's narrowed eyes and the man's cringing face, then one by one, they yell as they charge toward each other and get in a ball of violence. They suddenly stop, now happy to see each other instead of angry.)

Sylvia: (noogying him) Aww, I can't believe it! I thought you were gone forever!

Man: (flops her to the ground) Takes way more than some flab drassit black hole to take me down!

Sylvia: (smacks him to the ground with her tail) Why didn't 'cha let me know you were still alive, ya narfin' frood? (she helps him up.)

Man: I tried! (flops her to the ground) But for a 10-foot tall flarf narbler, you're mighty hard to track down!

Sylvia: (stands up and gives him a punch in the stomach) It is so great to see you again!

(They hug each other and laugh; we hear a rustle of leaves as a few fall down from the top of the screen.)

Wander: (offscreen) It's great to see you, too!

(Widen to frame Wander, hanging from a few vines in the tree on the end of this. Brief close-up of him.)

Sylvia: Oh, grop! Uh-Wander, I'm so sorry, I –

(She pauses and looks around for something; cut to a close-up of the man.)

Man: I got 'cha, little guy.

(He gets out a gun and spins it a bit before aiming; cut to Wander as a laser fires at the vines, cutting them and letting him fall to the ground and land on his back next to the man. Close-up of the man; he blows on the smoke from the gun and spins it before putting it away. Sylvia walks into view next to him.)

Sylvia: Wander, this sorry son of a star chaser is my old partner.. Goes by the name of –

Man: Ryder. Use to... ride her? (Widen to put Wander in view.) So, you replaced me with a hairy chicken leg?

Sylvia: Oh, come on, he's not that bad. Look, he likes you!

(Reveal that Wander is now hugging Ryder's legs.)

Wander: Any old friend of Sylvia's is a new friend of mine!

(Ryder just manages to push Wander off his legs and leaves him in fetal position on the ground. Back to Sylvia.)

Sylvia: So, why was Hater trying to blast you into atoms?

(Ryder walks into view and reaches into his jacket while Wander peeks in from between them.)

Ryder: Aw, it's probably just because I stole the key to his – (Produces a key) hidden galactic storage station!

(Close-up on the key as Sylvia gasps; she peeks into view.)

Sylvia: The place he keeps all the loot he's stolen throughout the galaxy? I thought that place was a myth.

Ryder: Aw, it's real, all right. And, now that I got the key, I just gotta find the location of the darn thing.

Sylvia: Oh, man, sounds like a real adventure.

Ryder: Say, Sylvia, you're the roughest, toughest, punchiest partner I ever had. You may just come in handy. (pushes Wander out of the way) You up for a rip-roaring, (camera zooms in) action-packed, (camera zooms in again) trans-galactic adventure to break into Hater's hidden storage station to steal the most priceless treasures in the entire universe?

Sylvia: Rip-roaring? Top secret? Action-packed?! Count me in! Right, Wander?

Wander: I don't know. Break into? Steal? Sounds a bit... dishonest, don't you think?

Sylvia: Oh, yeah.(to Ryder) Sorry, Ryder. Since you and I split, Wander and I have been focused on helpin' others and doing good. Not sure this is a job for us.

Ryder: Uh-uh-uh, you didn't let me finish. (to Wander) How would you like to join me on a rip-roaring, action-packed, trans-galactic adventure to politely check in on Hater's hidden storage facility and help return the universe's most priceless treasures to their rightful owners, thus making them happy?

Wander: Politely? Helping? Make people happy?! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Ends up sitting on Ryder's head) Oh, sorry. Were you--? Here, here. I'll just... Haha! Like... (climbs up Sylvia's tail) Ehhh, ehhh, ehhh, ehhh, eeehhhh, ehhh, ehhh! (on Sylvia's tail) See? Room for both of us!

Sylvia: (screams:) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Wander: Don't worry about me! (runs up to Sylvia and Ryder in an attempt to catch up) I can use the exercise!

Part 2
(segment opens up on a town at night)

Sylvia: Weasel's Waterin' Hole. I haven't been here in years!

Ryder: Ah. Brings back memories, don't it? Word is, weasel knows how to find Hater's hidden station.

(An exhausted Wander has caught up to Sylvia and Ryder.)

Ryder: Ready to ask him real nice like if he wants to hand him over?

(Wander and Sylvia's knuckles crack)

Wander: Asking real nice-like is my specialty. Might I recommend starting with a small gift or cookie bouquet?

(Ryder and Sylvia are shocked.)

(Cut to the inside of the Watering Hole. Wander and Sylvia walk past most of the customers, one being a group of three playing music. Wander is seen walking by in the next shot.)

Weasel's Watering Hole's bartender: Well, well. Together again. It's Ryder and Sylvia.

(the scene shifts to a shot of Ryder and Sylvia together, Wander appears in the shot)

Wander: Howdy do!

Weasel's Watering Hole's bartender: And, uh, weird little furry guy? I hear you're lookin' for Hater's hidden station.

(Wander nods yes.)

Weasel's Watering Hole's bartender: Information like that sure would fetch a pretty price.

(Sylvia pulls the bartender's nose.)

Sylvia: Figured you might give us a discount, (pulls out fist) for old time's sake.

Wander: Excuse me, sir, but what if I told you you'd be helping a charitable endeavor? It might be tax-deductible!

Ryder: Wander, why don't you go outside see if some folks need your help out there?

Wander: Oh, okay. Sure!

(Ryder and Wander wave.)

Ryder: (at the counter) Now, (zoom in, dramatic theme plays in the background) about those coordinates.

(Wander opens the door and re-enters the Watering Hole)

Wander: Ryder! I found some folks to help!

Ryder: That's great, buddy.

Wander: In fact, they say they're friends of yours!

(the guys Wander helped show up in the shadow)

Wander: They've been waiting for you to show up with that key to Hater's station that you promised to get for them. Soooo, now that you're all back together, you can give 'em the key! Just like you promised.

(the Skuzzbuckets bring out their guns)

Purple creature: Yeah, Ryder. Just like you promised.

(bartender gulps)

Sylvia: Ryder, you double-crossed the Skuzzbuckets for that thing?

(Ryder doesn't answer; Skuzzbuckets walk towards Ryder and Sylvia)

Ryder: Ninety-eight?

Sylvia: You flab drassit glorf.

(Ryder grabs the key from the bartender)

Wander: That sure is a funny way to greet old friends. Wah!

(Skuzzbuckets shouting)

Ryder: Ain't forgot how to hot-wire a cruiser, have you? (Sylvia goes up to the cruiser and begins hot-wiring it. Wander suddenly appears making a sad face)

Sylvia: It's for a good cause, remember? Besides, we'll bring it back. I promise.

(Wander's frown turns into a smile)

Ryder: Spread out. (Wander and Ryder run behind a piece of debris. Lasers are being shot from off-screen)

Sylvia: Ah! Cover me! (Wander proceeds to cover Sylvia with a blanket)

Ryder: With a blaster, flab drassit. (Gives a blaster to Wander) You know how to use one of these, right?

(Wander takes the blaster and points it at the Scuzzbuckets)

Wander: Zap, zap! Zap, zap, zap! Zap-zap, zap!

(Ryder looks on at him)

Wander: I'm sorry. Is it more of a "pew-pew" or a "bzz"?

Ryder: Ahh. (Lasers resume shooting) On three, we pop up and return fire real fire, okay? One, two--

Wander: Excuse me, opponents! We will soon be returning fire! I suggest ducking to avoid serious injury! Thank you for your time!

Ryder: Are you--?! We're trying to injure them!!!

Wander: Why would we wanna do that?

Ryder: (sees Sylvia in the ship) You stinkin' grofflezop.

Wander: And we will return your ship undamaged, along with a fresh fruit basket. Do you prefer honeydew or bingleberries?

(whirring)

Ryder: Got the key, got the coordinates. Not half bad for our first round back in the game.

Wander: Yea-yeah!

Sylvia: Wander, I'm glad you wanna help, but Ryder and I used to do this kind of thing all the time, so...

Ryder: So maybe you should just leave this to the professionals.

(radar beeping)

Sylvia: Uh-oh. We got company.

Skuzzbucket: (Evil laughter)

Sylvia: Grab the wheel so I can blast these bozos.

Wander: You can count on me.

Sylvia: I was, uh... I was actually talking to Ryder.

Ryder: I thought that was pretty obvious.

Wander: Is there anything I can do to help?

Sylvia: Yes, totally. Just, um don't touch anything.

Ryder: Sure hope your aim's improved since the - shadow moon of Landau.

Sylvia: Just try and keep up.

(Ryder laughs)

Wander: Quick update: Have not put my hands on anything. The entire ship remains remarkably untouched.

(Sylvia sighs)

Wander: Uh, Ryder, we're heading toward a whole mess of stuff.

Ryder: I know. We're gonna crash right through it.

Sylvia: And use the distraction to blast the last of these losers, nice.

Ryder: Also, it'll look really cool.

Wander: But what about-

Ryder: Not our problem, buddy.

Sylvia: I have you now.

(Wander screaming)

Wander: (from inside the ship) Sorry. Pardon. Excuse me. Humblest apologies.

Vendor: Fresh fruit. Fresh fruit for sale.

Ryder: Why aren't we moving?

(whirring)

Wander: (humming) There you go. One crate of bingleberries, good as new.

Sylvia: Wander, what are you doing?!

Wander: I was just thought I could help.

Sylvia: We're in the middle of a high-speed chase here. Why can't you be more like Ryder?

(Crashing sounds)

Skuzzbucket: (Evil laughter)

Ryder: How we lookin'?

Sylvia: Not good. Weapons are gone, so's the engine. Only shelter nearby is that moon.

Ryder: That's no moon. That's Hater's galactic storage facility!

Ryder and Sylvia: We made it!

Skuzzbucket: (Evil laughter)

Sylvia: What do you think? Number nine thousand, six hundred-

Ryder: Ninety-nine? Never tried one of those before.

Sylvia: No time like the present.

Wander: Okay, I'm on it. Tiny question. What does 9,699 mean?

Ryder: Got it, chief.

Wander: Can I adjust the vector?

Sylvia: You don't even know what that means.

Wander: I can check the oil.

Sylvia: Just sit down!

Skuzzbucket: Huh? [groans]

Ryder: That was...

Sylvia: Awesome!!

Ryder: Nothin' better than a rip-roarin' adventure, eh, Sylvia, old girl?

Sylvia: Nope. Nothin'.

Wander: Wow, guys, that was amazing! You two really do make a pretty good (thud) team.

Part 3
Sylvia: Nice. Wait, where's Wander? Ryder: Hm, I don't know. I lost track of him after that awesome space chase. Am I right, partner? Sylvia: We should probably go find him.

Ryder: That little freaky furball? All he's done is get in our way.

Sylvia: (Growling)

Ryder: All right, all right. But let's finish the mission first. Hater's main treasure room is just ahead.

Sylvia: Good grop! Ryder: Whoo-hoo! I'm rich! I'm so rich! I'm gonna buy a big galactic cruiser, and a little one to go inside the big one. Ha ha!

Sylvia: Wait. You're rich?! What happened to giving this stuff back to the people Hater stole it from? Ryder: Please. You didn't really believe that, did you?

Sylvia: (Growling)

Ryder: You did? That little weirdo is turning you all kinds of soft. Thank grop I came along.

Sylvia: Hey, just 'cause Wander likes helping out - doesn't make him soft.

Ryder: Sure, it does. While he's out there givin' out free hugs or something, we're in here with all the treasure. We win! "(holds up a bust, which triggers an alarm)" "(Alarm blaring)" P.A system: Intruder alert. Intruder alert. "(Rock music plays as the Watchdogs surround them.)"

Sylvia: Not good. What'll it be? Number 19? Number 46?

Ryder: I'm thinkin' number one. As in, lookin' out for. "(shoves Sylvia aside)" So long, Syl. Told you you'd come in handy. "(Gets zapped)" Whoo-hoo! "(The Watchdogs cuff her hands.)"

Sylvia: Not good at all.

"(Cut to Wander in a somewhat deserted planet.)"

Wander: Now, Wander, don't be selfish. If Sylvia wants to have hardcore, violent, inconsiderate space adventures with a guy like Ryder, you gotta let her. You'll just have to find another partner someone strong, and smart. And brave. Someone who, though they act all tough, has a creamy center of gooey goodness. And when you inevitably get yourself into trouble in situations, they'll always find a way to get you out, no matter how bad things seem.

"(As he says this, a worm-like creature slithers behind him.)"

Creature: "(Hissing)"

"(Cut to the Watchdogs leading Ryder and Sylvia to prison.)"

Ryder: Look, fella, her and the little furry guy are who Hater really want. Let me go and I'll make a deal with- "(gets zapped)" Ah!

Sylvia: Oh, I always forget what a jerk Ryder was, and what a jerk he makes me. I let the only partner who's seen the good in me just "wander" away. Flab drassit. I'm sure gonna miss the goofy little guy. The way he'd mess up a plan just to do something nice. And he'd always find some crazy way to get out of it. It's like he's magic.

Watchdog: Lady, I'm sorry you lost your dog or whatever, but nobody cares. "(A loud rumble is heard. The creature bursts from the floor. Wander is seen riding it.)"

Creature: "(Roars)"

Wander: Sylvia!

Sylvia: Wander? What, how, who?

Wander: Remember that time on Kee-ton 6? When we helped the immensapede find his missing contact lens? Turns out, this is his cousin.

"(Wander gets off of the creature.)"

Wander: Oh, Sylvia, I know you and Ryder are all tough and cool, - and I'm often not, but-

Sylvia: Are you kidding? You remember the time you busted into Hater's secret storage unit on a giant space worm just to help your best friend? That was pretty cool. Would you say us being friends is the greatest adventure of all? No, because that would be way too sappy. But I'm kinda thinkin' it.

"(Wander squeals and hugs Sylvia.)"

Wander: Frederick, thanks so much for the advice. It totally worked.

"(Cut to the creature, named Frederick.)"

Frederick: Why, that's spectacular, Wander. Remember, acknowledging your differences can often make a relationship even richer. "(Roaring)"

Wander: You know, he was gonna eat me.

Hater: What is going on here?! Oh, Wander. Why am I not surprised?!

Wander: Sorry about the mess. But I was asking a space worm, about friendship and-

Hater: I don't care! Seize them!

"(The Watchdogs charged at them.)" Wander: What do ya think? Number 9,042? Number eleventy-seven? Sylvia: Just do your thing.

Wander: "(Gasps, sees Barry)" Barry! Happy birthday, Barry!

Watchdogs: Dude, it's your birthday?/You oughta celebrate you, Barry./You're the man!/Can't keep stuff secret, man /Barry was born?

Hater: Stop them! You're embarrassing both me and yourselves!

Frederick: Dreadfully sorry, but I think I knocked over something rather important during my rampage. It seems the station will soon be, uh, well exploded. Cheerio!

Watchdogs: Back to the ship! Runaway!

Hater: Stop her!

Sylvia: Well, time to go.

Wander: Just one more thing.

Hater: Curse you, Wander!

Ryder: Sylvia, I knew you'd come back, old buddy, old pal.

Sylvia: You're just lucky my partner makes me a better person. "(Explosion.)"

Ryder: No! My treasure! "(The treasure rains down on some planets, including the planets from the Theme Song. The music, to the tune of Beethoven's Ode to Joy is heard.)"

Man: "...and we will return your ship undamaged." "(The broken ship lands.)"

Man: That old ship was all I had! "(The treasure rains down.)" Whoo-hoo! I could've been so rich.

Ryder: Aw, frood it. You win some, you lose some, righty, Syl? So what's next? A grift, a scam, grand theft spaceship? I asked Wander to come, too. I have a hustle that can use the little nert muncher. "(Sylvia kicks him off the orbble.)"

Ryder: She'll be back.

Frederick: Hello there. Let's talk about your honesty issues.

Ryder: NOOOO!

Sylvia: So, partner, what is next? Help a multi-armed Vetruvian with a pesky hangnail? Find the missing corner of the Rubikian puzzle planet?

Hater: You destroyed all my stuff! For that, you will pay! Possibly with money, but definitely with suffering!

Wander: How's about a little adventure? Hi-dy ho, Sylvia. Away!

Hater: I hate you so much, Wander!

Wander: I love you, too! "(Screen irises out with a heart.)"