The Cupid Effect


 * Monique: And then he said we'd go out for French food.
 * Kim: Sounds promising.
 * Monique: French fries, Kim.
 * Kim: Well...
 * Monique: Drive-through.
 * Kim: Ouch.
 * Monique: I'm a scrub magnet, no use denying.
 * Kim: So not. What happened to LeSean?
 * Monique: LeGone. I don't wanna sound desperate, but V-day's coming.
 * Kim: Um, that sounded kinda desperate.
 * Monique: Valentine's Day, the worst time of the year to be all lonely-hearted. You and Ron probably have a big time all planned, don't you?
 * Kim: Now that you mention it, he hasn't mentioned it.
 * Monique: It's your first Valentine as a couple and you don't have reservations or anything?!
 * Kim: Well, maybe he, uh... forgot.
 * Monique: You never forget a holiday when you work retail, girl.
 * Ron: Hey, KP!
 * Kim: Hey, how come you're not at work?
 * Ron: Yeah, pet department's closed for a while. Some cages were left open. Food chain issues. Um... What's with all the hearts?
 * Monique: I'm gonna go get some more stock, from the room, with the stock.
 * Kim: You do know what happens in February. Don't you, Ron?
 * Ron: Groundhog Day. Presidents Day. Dental Health Month! Oh, that reminds me! Rufus! Happy Dental Health month, KP. It has a tongue scraper on the back.
 * Kim: Ahem, Valentine's Day.
 * Ron: Oh, uh, I don't celebrate. I mean, yeah, you know, I never had a girlfriend on... Oli Canoli! I have a girlfriend on Valentine's Day!
 * Kim: Mmhm.
 * Ron: Wow! This is huge!
 * Wade: Kim!
 * Kim: Huh?
 * Ron: Ahh! Wade! You know what? You gotta warn me, when you're going real-world!
 * Wade: Sorry, time for a new battery. You got three or four years out of the old one, though.
 * Kim: Thanks, Wade.
 * Wade: And I upgraded your plugs-ins. Check it. X-ray mode!
 * Monique: Hey, Wade.
 * Wade: Hey. Mo... Mo... Mo...
 * Ron: Uh, is this Robo-Wade?
 * Wade: Monique... Hi... I... I... Um.
 * Monique: Wade, you okay?
 * Kim: Uh, oh....

[cut to theme song]
 * Ron: Wade crushing on Monique? Kooky... isn't it?
 * Monique: 10.5 on the weirdness scale.
 * Ron: Out of...?
 * Kim: Ron! You are not trying to set up Monique with Wade.
 * Ron: I'm a romantic.
 * Kim: Who forgot about Valentine's Day.
 * Ron: Toothbrush, Kim. Yours if you want it.
 * Kim: Have to admit, Wade is kinda sweet, isn't he?
 * Monique: Sweet? Sure, but..
 * Ron: And a college grad.
 * Monique: Who won't be old enough to drive for four more years! Us going out is like one chance in... never!
 * Ron: So there is chance. A...booyah.
 * Kim: He's five years younger! Hello?! (sigh) Maybe if I talk to Wade.

[cut to Wade's room]
 * Wade: Kim, I have no idea what you're talking about.
 * Kim: I saw how you were looking at Monique.
 * Wade: I wasn't looking at anything. I never saw her in person before. And.. and she smelled so... nice. Oh, mom's calling. Gotta go. Uh, situation. Earth's gonna hit an asteroid...comet... something... President called... losing signal!
 * Wade's mom: Wade! Honey, Ron's here!
 * Wade: What? Ron? Here?
 * Ron: Wade!
 * Wade: I don't know what you're talking about!
 * Ron: Ugh. Okay, this is me, Wade. You, my friend, have a problem. And I'm the solution. And when I talk to Monique.....
 * Wade: What?!
 * Ron: She said she'd go out with you.
 * Wade: What?! Wait! Say that again.
 * Ron: In a roundabout, non-committal, sort of way. So, I'm gonna teach you the fine art of charming and disarming.
 * Wade: You?
 * Ron: Yes, me. Excuse me! Who is dating Kim Possible?
 * Wade: Yeah, but the laws of extreme improbability inexplicably worked out in your favor.
 * Ron: And we'll make them work out for you.

[cut to Men's Suits]
 * Ron: Okay, now, Monique's an older woman and you're a young dude. So, we gotta make you seem more mature.
 * Wade: Shouldn't I just be myself?
 * Ron: Mmm, that only works in cartoons. Ah, now see, this is a mature man's coat.

[cut to Hair Salon]
 * Ron: Eh, you're too well-groomed. You need stubble.
 * Wade: But I don't shave.
 * Ron: We'll use Super Le Goop! (rubs Le Goop on Wade's face and puts hair cuttings on his face) And a little of this. Okay, almost there. Yeah, I'm thinking taller. Maybe a hat!

[cut to Steve's Hats]
 * Ron: Perfect!
 * Wade: I look like Lincoln!
 * Ron: Ready for Presidents Day! Oh, and Groundhog Day. Apparently.

[cut to Club Banana]
 * Wade: Are you sure about this?
 * Ron: Absolutely. Look, I'll be right here. And if you feel yourself at a loss for words, I wrote this for you.
 * Wade: Your writing is kind of hard to read.
 * Ron: Yeah, but as long as you can feel it.
 * Wade: What?! Hey, ladies.
 * Kim: Wade... celebrating Presidents Day early?
 * Wade: Hi, Mo.. Mo...uh... Mo... Mo... uh...
 * Monique: Mo-nique.
 * Ron: (whispers) Notes! Go to the notes!
 * Wade: Oh, um. The humble earthworm is vital to agriculture. It moves through the soil by excreting lubricating mucus.
 * Kim/Monique: Ewww!
 * Ron: Okay, wait! That's my Biology report! Wait, oh! That means!

[cut to Barkin's classroom]
 * Barkin: (crying) Awww, that's a lovely thought. A+, Stoppable, A+.

[cut to Mall Security]
 * Wade: Apparently, impersonating a president is against Mall Regulations.
 * Ron: So, you hit a little snafu.
 * Wade: Why is romance so much harder than microelectronics?
 * Ron: Well, you know, things would be a lot easier if, oh, I don't know, you just invent a love-ray that would make Monique fall in love with you.
 * Wade: Hmm. Booyah.

[cut to Wade's room]
 * Wade: By synthesizing certain pheromones in the love-inducing chemical found in chocolate, this cupid-ray will send out sonic pulses to Monique's emotional cortex.
 * Wade's mom:: Uh, honey.
 * Wade: Mom! I'm busy!
 * Wade's mom:: But Wade, Ron's here.
 * Ron: Dude, I've got it! What's that?
 * Wade: It's a ...bun-warmer?
 * Ron: Cool. Got any?
 * Wade: What?
 * Ron: Warm buns?
 * Wade: Maybe later.
 * Ron: Okay, look. I've figured out where we went wrong. Location, location..
 * Wade: Location?
 * Ron: Yes! You need to whisk Monique away, to the City of Lice.
 * Wade: You mean Paris? The City of Lights?
 * Ron: Oh.... Oh, is that?.... Okay, is that what it is? 'Cause I never got the whole lice angle.
 * Wade: And you think Monique will just let me just whisk her off to Paris?
 * Ron: That's the genius part.

[cut to Paris, France]
 * Kim: I thought you said the Eiffel Tower was in danger?
 * Ron: It is in danger! Of rust! Eventually.
 * Kim: That's the reason we had to hurry off to France?
 * Monique: And tell me again why I'm here?
 * Ron: Back up. Yeah, I doubt KP and I could handle this baby alone. And did you know it's the City of Lights, not Lice?
 * Kim: Ron? You wanna tell me why we're really here? Wait. Paris? The two of us? Valentine's Day? Wow! You're being romantic!
 * Monique: And me as back-up.

[cut to Cafe de Paris]
 * Ron: All clear Rufus?
 * Rufus: Okay!
 * Ron: Wade, you ready? Wade?
 * Wade: Hey, Ron!
 * Ron: I told you to meet me here at six!
 * Wade: I can't do this on empty.
 * Ron: Okay, I'll go in first. Then you just happen to come in. We'll tell them, you know, you're fixing the French Internet or something.
 * Wade: Gotcha.
 * Ron: You're not nervous?
 * Wade: Not this time.
 * Ron: Hey-hey! Your bun-warmer! That's a good idea. This town's lousy with bread.

[cut to Kim and Monique]
 * Kim: Fixing the French Internet?
 * Monique: Isn't it the World Wide Web?
 * Ron: Yeah, except when it ... breaks... into pieces. Right, Wade?
 * Kim: I smell a set-up! Ron? Convo! Now!
 * Ron: Okay, now remember confi.......
 * [exit Kim and Ron]
 * Monique: Look, Wade. Okay, I know what it's like to crush, I do, but......(interrupted by Wade blasting her with the love-ray) You're so adorable! I can't believe you came all the way to Paris, just to see me!

[cut to Señor Senior, Sr. spying on Wade and Monique]
 * SSS: What's this? The boy genius, who helps Kim Possible? Apparently, he has invented a.......love machine?
 * [enter Señor Senior, Jr.]
 * SSJ: Father, do you think this is enough Le Goop to last me through a weekend? I hear it may rain. Oh! You are spying! I want to peek!
 * SSS: (sighs) But just for a moment. You have your own opera eyeglasses.

[cut to Ron and Kim]
 * Kim: Ron, why are you encouraging him? He's just going to get hurt.

Ron: Ohhh, really?

[cut to Wade and Monique, Ron and Kim in the background]
 * Monique: (laughs) Lice.

[cut to Ron and Kim]
 * Kim: What? How? They look like-
 * Ron: They're in love?
 * Kim: Yeah, but-
 * Ron: Paris.
 * Kim: Paris.

[cut to Señor Senior, Sr. and Señor Senior, Jr.]
 * SSS: To control love in such a way.
 * SSJ: We must steal it and find a way to use it for evil.
 * SSS: I am bursting with pride, my son.
 * SSJ: (laugh) I was looking over your shoulder and I read your notes.
 * SSS: Jr., that was cheating. I am so proud.

[cut to Club Banana]
 * Kim: Hey, Monique. Sorry, I'm late.
 * Monique: (whisper) Are you alone?
 * Kim: Monique? Why are you a mannequin?
 * Monique: Just avoiding someone.
 * Kim: Who?
 * Monique: Wade! That's who!
 * Kim: I thought you guys were an item.
 * Monique: I don't know what we are! All I know is something super freaky weird is going on.

[enter Wade]
 * Wade: Hey, Kim. Hey, girl.
 * Monique: Say what?

(Wade throws a shirt on the floor to distract Kim and blasts Monique with the love-ray)
 * Monique: Say what are you doing over there, baby? Come give mommy-mom some sugar.
 * Kim: Sugar?
 * Monique: Couldn't you just pour him on a stack of pancakes?
 * Kim: Did you do something?
 * Wade: Did you see something?
 * Kim: I'm not sure.
 * Wade: Then... no.
 * Monique: Kim just doesn't understand about us, baby boy.
 * Kim: Baby boy? No kidding.

[cut to Señor Senior Sr, and Señor Senior, Jr. at Wade's house]
 * SSJ: (sneezes)
 * SSS: Good day, madame, We have a delivery of flowers from your loving spouse.
 * Wade's Mom:: From Lontaine? My husband? Are you sure you have the right house?
 * SSS: Yes, this is the house of the spouse.
 * SSJ: (sneeze)
 * Wade's Mom:: Uh, is he feeling all right?
 * SSJ: No! My eyes are watering and I'm all-
 * SSS: Oh, he is robust and now, where would you like your extravagant fresh flowers?

[cut to Wade and Monique]
 * Monique: And what does my little manage boy want to eat, something sweet? Liiiike, you! (laugh)
 * Wade: This was worth leaving my room for.
 * Monique: Okay, how about some yummy pizza or a big ol' burger and- (love-ray wears off) Oh, Wade, what? Hey!
 * Wade: Uh, oh. (blasts Monique with love-ray)
 * Monique: I think we have something that we should share. We should share something! Let's see, share... a sundae! Okay, okay, you go find a table and I will be right there.
 * [enter Ron]
 * Ron: Dude, making time with the ladies.
 * Wade: Oh. Hey, Ron. Guess I picked the right guy to school me.
 * Ron: Word. You do mean me, right?
 * Monique: Double fudge sundae for my sweet little thang. (kisses Wade) Forgot a spoon. Don't miss me too much.
 * Wade: (laugh)
 * Ron: Wow! Genius of love, too!
 * Monique (love-ray wears off) Wade! You are playing the wrong- (blasted by Wade again) Oh, you are so tasty! Mmm.
 * Ron: What? Wait, you just did something with the bun-warmer. Can I borrow that?
 * Monique: (kisses Wade) Okay, I gotta go back to work. But know I'll be thinking of you, my little boo.(laughs) Bye! (exits)
 * Ron: Okay, okay, thats not really a bun-warmer, is it? Because my bun is lukewarm and Monique is all hottie hot.
 * Wade: Okay, it's a device that makes girls falls in love with me. I invented it.
 * Ron: What? That's great! That's.. that's.. wrong! Oh, so wrong! Wade! Wait, which means it wasn't my mad love school skills?
 * Wade: Well, you gave me the idea for the love-ray. That's something.
 * Ron: Me? No, I didn't! (gasps) Oh, so when I said... and then you thought... then you did...
 * Wade: Yep.
 * Ron: Oh, Kim's so gonna blame me.
 * Wade: I just wanted Monique to like me for me.
 * Ron: So you zapped her with a ray?
 * Wade: Inventing things is what I do. So in a way, it's liking me for me, isn't it?
 * Ron: Well, yes. In a way. A sick and wrong way. But it is technically a way, I guess.

[cut to Wade's house]
 * Wade's Mom:: Woo, when Lontaine sends flowers, he sends flowers.
 * SSS: And now I will read the card.
 * SSJ: (sneeze) Papi, we do not have a card.
 * SSS: I will make something up to give you time to find the item. Now hurry.

[exit Señor Senior, Jr.]
 * SSS: To my dearest wife, may the romantic fragrance of nature's beauty merely echo you.
 * Wade's Mom:: Awww.
 * SSS: Please, shh. Don't interrupt.
 * Wade's Mom:: Ugh, sorry.

[cut to Wade's room]
 * SSJ: Hello, little genius kid. Oh! The plans for the love device! Papi will be so proud!

[cut to Señor Senior, Sr. and Wade's mother]
 * SSS: The wealth of the world shall be ours. Together we will chase around perdition's flame in our own dark.
 * [enter Señor Senior, Jr.]
 * SSJ: We have it!
 * SSS: Bravo, Jr. Signed, your loving husband. Happy Valentine's Day.
 * [exit Señor Senior, Sr. and Señor Senior, Jr.]
 * Wade's Mom:: Well, the flowers are nice. I don't know about that card, though.

[cut to the Possible house]
 * Kim: There's something odd going on. Today, it was almost like Wade had some sort of control over Monique.
 * Ron: What? Control? (laugh) Come on. They're just too kooky kids in love. Oh! Hey, look. TV.
 * Kim: Love? Monique was pretending to be a mannequin to avoid him.
 * Ron: My favorite show. Weather.
 * Kim: Yeah, it's partly cloudy and completely weird.

(Kimmunicator beeps)
 * Kim: So Wade?
 * Wade: Oh. Hey, Kim. Um, is Ron there?
 * Kim: Yeah. It's for you.
 * Wade: Ron, um. It looks like Jr. and Sr. have stolen plans to a certain device from my room.
 * Kim: What sort of device?
 * Ron: Um... uh... uh... Okay, okay! Wade invented a bun-warmer that makes girls fall in love with him!
 * Kim: I knew that bun-warmer wasn't right!
 * Wade: It was Ron's idea!
 * Ron: What?! Not intentionally!
 * Kim: Wade? What were you thinking!
 * Wade: I just really like Monique. I promise I won't use it again.
 * Kim: I'm disappointed in both of you.
 * Ron: Let's not play the blame game, KP. Unless you spot me 10 points and give me a head start.
 * Kim: All right. If Sr. has these plans, what's the worst case?
 * Wade: Well, it's not very powerful. The sonic effect is short range and short term.
 * Kim: So maybe there's some rich woman that Sr.'s after.
 * Ron: Yeah, you know, maybe an older woman who won't go out with him because he's too young.
 * Ron: Maybe not.
 * TV: The Ear Splitters rock Lowerton! The loudest band on the planet! Live! Tonight at the Lowerton Arena! Powered by their bone-rattling, million mega-watt, amplified speaker system! Your ears will be amplifried!
 * Kim: Wade, what if Sr. tried to amplify the love-ray?
 * Ron: Like, you mean, with a million mega-watts?
 * Wade: Oh, that'd be bad.

[cut to the Possible garage]
 * Wade: Hey, guys. Don't know if you've heard. Sr.'s planning a huge concert and broadcasting it world-wide.
 * Kim: So that's how they're going to use the cupid-ray. To control women all over the world.
 * Ron: KP, this concert is free! Booyah! We are so there! Ah, man. Ladies only. Well, that tanks.
 * Kim: Trap, Ron. We are not going to the concert. We're going to stop it.
 * Wade: And I'm going, too. This is all my fault, Well, Ron gave me the idea.
 * Ron: Ahh! I have lots of ideas! People usually don't act on them!
 * Wade: I want to help set things right.
 * Kim: Okay, but promise me you'll never use it again.
 * Wade: Promise. This has caused enough trouble.
 * Monique: (entering) Oh, no. Don't you all be driving off before I get my say. Wade, word!
 * Kim: Uh, Monique. We're in a hurry can you guys deal later?
 * Monique: Sorry, Kim. Dealing now. Wade, what you did was so- (Kim blasts Monique with love-ray) So adorable! That's my boo!
 * Kim: Uh, sorry, we really don't have time for this.
 * Monique: (cries) Wade, wait! Don't leave me!
 * Kim: Oh, fine. Bring her along.

[cut to Señor Senior, Sr and Señor Senior, Jr's. island]
 * Monique: I can not believe you used science for evil.
 * Wade: Technically, it was for love.
 * Monique: I don't care what it was for!
 * Kim: Guys, shut! Monique, don't make me zap you again.
 * Monique: Hmph.
 * Kim: Security's tight. We'll need to find a different way in.
 * Wade: I'll use my new grappling belt.
 * Ron: Uh, yeah. Good for you. But what about Monique. She's grapple-challanged.
 * Monique: Ahem. Yo, what's wrong with just going through the front gate.
 * Kim: Right, good idea. Just one problem. Ladies only.
 * Ron/Wade: (gasp)
 * Ron: Oh, no, you don't.

[cut to Ron and Wade dressed as ladies]
 * Wade: They did.
 * Ron: Hey, I've done this before. Course, I was brain-switched with Kim at the time.

[cut to Señor Senior, Sr. and Señor Senior, Jr. backstage]
 * SSS: With the speakers and this love apparatus, soon half of the world's population will be under our control.
 * SSJ: And then I will be worshipped by millions! But my social calender will be so full. Oh, I am tired even thinking on it. Hold the curtain! I need fizzy water for refreshment.

[cut to Kim, Ron, Wade and Monique in the crowd]
 * Wade: These (earplugs) will protect you from the effects of the cupid-ray.

Monique: Sure, now you give me these.
 * Kim: Okay, it's probably backstage.
 * Ron: Yeah, got your crowd control covered, KP. Make way! Big fans coming through! Hey! Watch the dress!
 * Security Guard: Man, some of these girls are bossy!

[cut to Señor Senior, Sr. announcing Señor Senior, Jr.]
 * SSS: Ladies from around the globe, welcome, to our concert of love. It is my sincere pleasure to present to you, Señor Senior, Jr.
 * SSJ: But you did not call me a pop sensation!
 * SSS: (sighs) And I assure you he is a pop sensation.
 * [enter Señor Senior, Jr. onstage]
 * SSJ: (singing) On the road to love, you must pay the toll. Exact change is required, 'cause that's the way I roll. I've got a tortured soul, and my heart, it has a hole. Because that's just the way I roll, baby. That's just the way I roll.

[cut to crowd]
 * Ron: Ugh, got anymore hearing protection?
 * Wade: I wish.

[cut to Señor Senior, Sr. activating love-ray]

[cut to crowd under effects of love-ray]
 * (Ron gets moshed and bumps into Monique, causing her earplugs to fall out)
 * Monique: Jr.? Jr.! I love you!
 * Ron: Hey, I was getting moshed!
 * Kim: You two take care of Monique. I'll stop Jr.

[cut to Kim onstage with Señor Senior, Jr.]
 * SSJ: Oh! Kim Possible!
 * Kim: Señor Senior, Jr.
 * SSJ: Are you not falling in love with me and my funky fresh moves?
 * Kim: Mmm, not so much.
 * (Señor Senior, Sr. sneaks up on Kim and pulls out her earplugs)
 * Kim: (screams) Jr.! Will you be my Valentine?
 * SSJ: I am expecting a lot of offers this year. I will think on it.

[cut to Ron, Wade, and Monique in crowd]
 * (Ron sees Señor Senior, Jr. and Kim onstage)
 * Ron: Kim? KP! We lost Kim.
 * Wade: Um, you distract Jr. I'll go backstage and shut down the cupid-ray.
 * Ron: What about Monique?
 * Wade: She's already mad at me, this can't make it any worse.

[cut to Señor Senior, Jr. and Kim onstage]
 * SSJ: (singing) You must pay the toll.
 * Ron: Gimme back my girlfriend! (rips off wig)
 * SSJ: (laughs)
 * Ron: Dude, what is so funny?
 * SSJ: (laughs) I thought you were a lady!
 * Ron: Well, you are no gentleman.

[cut to Señor Senior, Sr. and Wade backstage]
 * SSS: Ah, Kim Possible's genius helper.
 * Wade: That's super genius.
 * SSS: Your genius can not beat my evil or treachery. Have you met my bodyguards, Evil and Treachery? Get him!
 * Wade (grapples up, causing Evil and Treachery to run into each other and then destroys the love-ray) That's the way I roll.

[cut to Kim and Señor Senior, Jr. onstage]
 * Kim: Huh?

[cut to crowd]
 * Monique: What? Oh, not again!

[cut to Señor Senior, Jr. onstage]
 * (the crowd boos Señor Senior, Jr. and throws fruit at him)
 * SSJ: Ahh! The fans! They're so fickle! I'll be in my trailer!
 * [exit Señor Senior, Jr. and crowd]

[cut to Bueno Nacho]
 * Ron: A simple date. Just like you said. Not exactly Paris.
 * Kim: But it will do. Happy Valentine's Day.
 * Rufus: Awww.
 * (kiss is interrupted by Monique yelling at Wade)
 * Monique: How could you possibly think playing with love is a good thing? That's bad for science, bad for love, and bad all the way around. Okay, I'm done being angry now. I'm flattered that you like me.
 * (Wade notices a girl smiling at him over Monique's shoulder)
 * Monique: We can be friends.
 * Wade: That's great. Could you excuse me?
 * Monique: What? Oh, well. Guess it all worked out then. Oh, great. It's Valentine's Day and I'm dateless.
 * (notices Ned checking her out)
 * Monique: Dateless works.
 * [cut to credits]


 * Ron: Wade, how's your girlfriend?
 * Wade: Olivia? Terrible.
 * Ron: What? But I thought you found out she was a super genius just like you?
 * Wade: She is. Turns out she's built her own cupid-ray.
 * (Olivia blasts Wade with love-ray)
 * Wade: Oh, sweetie peach! I missed you this much!
 * Ron: You don't think Kim has one of those?
 * [enter Kim]
 * Kim: Hey, Ron.
 * Ron, Rufus: Ahhh!
 * Kim: What are you doing?
 * Ron: Nothing.
 * Kim: You're weird.
 * Ron: Kim......
 * Kim: Shh, I like weird.