Houseguest

Please, this way, this way! 0:00:15	0:00:16

Come along now. This way. This way. 0:00:18	0:00:21

Let's go. Come on. Walk with me. 0:00:21	0:00:23

Let's go. 0:00:25	0:00:26

Where is that Kevin Franklin?! 0:00:36	0:00:38

Bobby, get that quarter. 0:00:38	0:00:41

Get the penny. Get the quarter. 0:00:41	0:00:45

Kevin! >	0:00:45	0:00:46

Bobby, get out of the water. 0:00:48	0:00:49

It's not my fault, you made me buddies with Kevin. 0:00:49	0:00:53

I was helping him retrieve his glasses and he fell in. 0:00:53	0:00:57

It's a miracle! 0:00:59	0:01:02

I wished, and now my pockets are stuffed with coins! Halleluja! 0:01:02	0:01:07

Put it back now. 0:01:07	0:01:09

You think you're the only orphan that grew up in Pittsburgh? 0:01:09	0:01:14

No, just the poorest. 0:01:14	0:01:20

Well... Did you know he was an orphan too? 0:01:16	0:01:20

Wherever we go, there's an orphan. 0:01:20	0:01:28

Poseidon applied himself to something other than mischief, 0:01:23	0:01:28

and he became ruler of the sea. 0:01:28	0:01:30

-Who cares if he was

-chicken

-of the sea. When I'm big I'm gonna be rich. 0:01:30	0:01:36

(KIDS LAUGH) 0:01:36	0:01:38

When I grow up I'll be a millionaire drivin' a Porsche. 0:01:38	0:01:42

Hey, girl! 0:01:47	0:01:49

When I'm rich everyone'll brag about how they know me. 0:01:57	0:02:01

It'll be all over the radio. 0:02:01	0:02:03

Pittsburgh! This is your favourite station, WKFD, 0:02:03	0:02:08

with Kevin Franklin. Last night Kevin, our homeboy, 0:02:08	0:02:12

Cleaned up at the International Human Being Society Award. 0:02:12	0:02:16

Let's run that tape, Jim. 0:02:16	0:02:18

(BURBLES LIKE A TAPE REWINDING) 0:02:18	0:02:22

Beep! 0:02:22	0:02:23

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we honour a very special man. 0:02:23	0:02:27

This year our annual recipient has won the Nobel Peace Prize, 0:02:27	0:02:33

Pulitzer Prize, Businessman of the Year, 0:02:33	0:02:37

the Heisman Trophy, 0:02:37	0:02:39

the Paul Robeson Best Negro Actor of the Century, 0:02:39	0:02:44

and the Aunt Jemima Pancake Prize. 0:02:44	0:02:47

He ended world hunger, reversed the greenhouse effect, 0:02:47	0:02:52

and created a new flavour Pop Tart - 0:02:52	0:02:54

Spam/Salmon Croquette Tofutti. 0:02:54	0:02:57

His bank account is the size of four small countries, 0:02:57	0:03:01

but Kevin cares about the world. 0:03:01	0:03:04

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Kevin Franklin from Pittsburgh. 0:03:04	0:03:09

(IMITATES CROWD ROARING) 0:03:09	0:03:12

Oh, no. Thank you! 0:03:12	0:03:15

Ohhh... 0:03:15	0:03:16

I don't know what to say. 0:03:16	0:03:18

I've won many awards in my life, 0:03:18	0:03:21

but tonight is a very special night for me. 0:03:21	0:03:24

I'd like to start by saying... where's the cheque? Thank you. 0:03:24	0:03:29

If I could do it again, I would. 0:03:29	0:03:32

Not for free, but I'd do it again. 0:03:32	0:03:35

Honestly, people. Thank you. 0:03:35	0:03:37

I love you so much. 0:03:37	0:03:39

Thank you. I'll call you. 0:03:39	0:03:42

I can't wait to win the big money. 0:03:42	0:03:45

Everybody will ride with me then. 0:03:45	0:03:47

(CAR ALARM STARTS) 0:03:52	0:03:54

Yeah! 0:04:02	0:04:03

Time to go to school. Man, yeah. 0:04:03	0:04:07

So, Ralphie, that's juice, right? 0:04:07	0:04:10

Hey, wha's up? Hey, what y'all doin', man? 0:04:10	0:04:14

What y'all doin'? 0:04:14	0:04:17

-Who let this 50-year-old in here?

-I'll give a little clinic. 0:04:17	0:04:22

Wha's happenin', man? My grandmother plays better. 0:04:22	0:04:26

Hold this. 0:04:26	0:04:28

Yeah! 0:04:28	0:04:29

Show them fools, Kev! 0:04:29	0:04:31

I would pull this out and go to your natural colour. But be what you are. 0:04:31	0:04:36

Have some activator. Catch y'all. 0:04:36	0:04:39

Yo, Kev! 0:04:39	0:04:41

-What?

-Make that first million yet? 0:04:41	0:04:46

I'm on my way. 0:04:43	0:04:46

He's got tapes - Win A Million. 0:04:46	0:04:48

0:04:48	0:04:51
 * 1) I can't hear you. #

What say, brother? 0:04:51	0:04:54

You're gonna love this. Kevin! 0:04:54	0:04:56

Come here! >	0:04:56	0:04:58

Kevin, you hear me takin' to you? Stop! 0:04:58	0:05:02

Kevin! 0:05:02	0:05:04

(MARTIAL-ARTS-TYPE SCREAM) 0:05:04	0:05:06

Time for Cooking In The Kitchen with Kevin. 0:05:09	0:05:12

We have salt for the children, cholesterol for the adults, 0:05:12	0:05:17

fat for fat people, sugar for the sugarholics. 0:05:17	0:05:20

And for the grown folks, Mickey-Ds. 0:05:20	0:05:23

Big gulp for a big guy. 0:05:23	0:05:26

Ah, yes. 0:05:26	0:05:28

Shaft, about to make a million. 0:05:29	0:05:31

I'm gonna buy you a new crib, swimming-pool, 0:05:31	0:05:35

maybe get you a girl hamster. Yeah! 0:05:35	0:05:38

It's time to make money. 0:05:38	0:05:41

'..beautiful Waikiki Beach in Honolulu, Hawaii.' 0:05:41	0:05:46

-'Here's John Davidson.

-Aloha!' 0:05:46	0:05:49

Aloha. 0:05:49	0:05:51

'Do what over 700,000 Americans have done - 0:05:51	0:05:57

'use Dave Del Dotto's wealth-building material. 0:05:57	0:06:01

'Restore your faith as we move to achieve our dreams.' 0:06:01	0:06:05

Sing, John. 0:06:05	0:06:07

"# And when your days seem cloudy	0:06:07	0:06:10

"# And you don't know what to do... #" 0:06:10	0:06:14

Hey, ho! 0:06:14	0:06:16

Hey, ho. 0:06:16	0:06:18

Go, John. 0:06:18	0:06:20

Get a hairbrush for your big hair. Scooby-dooby. Oooby... 0:06:20	0:06:24

Kevin! 0:06:24	0:06:26

-Just a minute.

-Kevin! 0:06:26	0:06:28

-Shhh!

-Why you think I'm wavin' at you? 0:06:28	0:06:32

It's heavy. It's yours. Take it, Kevin. 0:06:32	0:06:35

I'm tryin' to watch the tape. 0:06:35	0:06:38

It's great. It's Dave Del Dotto's... 0:06:38	0:06:41

They delivered this to me. 0:06:41	0:06:43

-What is it?

-How do I know?! 0:06:43	0:06:46

I'm outta here. I'm not Latoya Jackson. 0:06:46	0:06:49

Wait, Larry. 0:06:49	0:06:51

I've been waiting for this! 0:06:51	0:06:53

This is it! 0:06:53	0:06:56

-Know what it is?

-A waste of money. 0:06:59	0:07:04

You have no vision. 0:07:01	0:07:04

The entire '94 baseball season, right? 0:07:04	0:07:07

I got Ken Griffey Jnr, Barry Bonds. 0:07:07	0:07:11

People spend big money for baseball cards. 0:07:11	0:07:14

But if they get hurt it's worth even more. 0:07:14	0:07:17

I don't wanna see it happen, but if it does I get paid. 0:07:17	0:07:22

This is gonna be huge. 0:07:22	0:07:24

Large! Gigantic! Like all your other ideas, Kevin. 0:07:24	0:07:29

Is that any way to encourage your best friend? 0:07:29	0:07:31

I didn't ask for this! I didn't ask to be your best friend! 0:07:31	0:07:35

You get upset, see what happens? Now breathe. Breathe! 0:07:35	0:07:40

I don't wanna see you like this. This is gonna work out. 0:07:40	0:07:44

I feel it. 0:07:44	0:07:46

I gotta blood sugar dip. I need some dinner. 0:07:46	0:07:49

Dinner... I told Lynn I was gonna meet her! 0:07:49	0:07:53

Ouch! 0:08:01	0:08:02

(HORNS BLARE) 0:08:02	0:08:04

Hey, Lynn! 0:08:07	0:08:09

Hey, Lynn, how you doin'? 0:08:09	0:08:12

Nice meetin' you, everybody. 0:08:12	0:08:15

I can explain, OK? 0:08:15	0:08:17

You stood me up. You made me look a fool in front of my boss. 0:08:17	0:08:22

I can explain, all right? 0:08:22	0:08:24

-I'm gonna slap your face.

-Don't slap me... 0:08:24	0:08:28

OW!! 0:08:28	0:08:30

Lynn! 0:08:30	0:08:31

Lynn. 0:08:31	0:08:33

This is not like the others. This baseball thing is gonna be big. 0:08:33	0:08:38

I want you to have the finest things in life. 0:08:38	0:08:43

Money doesn't buy love or happiness. 0:08:43	0:08:46

-It only buys things.

-That's right! 0:08:46	0:08:49

Grow up! 0:08:49	0:08:53

I'm growin' now. See? 0:08:50	0:08:53

I'll change! 0:08:53	0:08:55

I'm tryin' to have an argument! 0:08:55	0:08:57

I'll get a regular job. 0:08:57	0:09:00

You're 35. You'll never change. 0:09:00	0:09:03

Lynn, if you drive away, I'll stand here pointing. 0:09:03	0:09:07

Lynn! 0:09:08	0:09:09

How can you say I don't care? I'm a better person now thanks to you. 0:09:21	0:09:28

Get the light. Come on! 0:09:45	0:09:48

-Hey, who is it? Pauly!

-Get outta the way! 0:09:48	0:09:52

-Hey, Pauly.

-Where's the dough? 0:09:52	0:09:55

-Where's Nicky?

-Retired. This is my brother Joey. 0:09:55	0:09:59

-Hey, Joey.

-Hey. 0:09:59	0:10:01

Hungry, big guy? I got these new Pop Tarts. 0:10:01	0:10:05

Oh, cool! With the frosting on top! 0:10:05	0:10:07

-I'm hungry!

-Like always. 0:10:07	0:10:09

You never let me eat. 0:10:09	0:10:10

You're always stuffin' your face. 0:10:10	0:10:13

Where's the dough?! 0:10:14	0:10:16

-Is that all he can say?

-Don't be funny. 0:10:16	0:10:19

Ooof! I don't feel funny. 0:10:19	0:10:22

Where's the dough?! 0:10:22	0:10:24

Fair question. I borrowed 5,000 and you want it back, right? 0:10:24	0:10:29

50,000. Interest and late penalties have accrued. 0:10:29	0:10:33

Accrued! 0:10:33	0:10:39

50,000? I guess that sign that said, "No questions asked"... 0:10:34	0:10:39

I guess I should've asked a coupla questions. 0:10:39	0:10:42

My businesses are in the start-up phase. I'm tryin' to make money. 0:10:42	0:10:47

I got somethin' here... 0:10:47	0:10:50

Baseball... America loves baseball. They buy... 0:10:50	0:10:54

You can smell the money. 0:10:54	0:10:56

Check it out, Joey, man. ..Or just chew the gum. 0:10:56	0:11:00

Get it out! 0:11:00	0:11:01

What's the matter with you? ..Listen, Franklin. 0:11:01	0:11:05

The way I see it. Correct me if I'm wrong, Joey. 0:11:05	0:11:10

We got two options. A - We give you another day. 0:11:10	0:11:15

B - We're gonna kill you right now, and save ourselves some aggravation. 0:11:15	0:11:20

I'm gonna go with "A". 0:11:20	0:11:22

SNORTING LAUGH 0:11:22	0:11:25

Come here. 0:11:25	0:11:27

What? 0:11:27	0:11:31

Get over here. Right now. 0:11:28	0:11:31

What's wrong with you? 0:11:31	0:11:37

I just thought that was real good with those options. 0:11:33	0:11:37

We're threatenin' someone. You're underminin' things! 0:11:37	0:11:40

Pauly! 0:11:40	0:11:41

I was gonna feed my hamster. You gotta feed 'em. They're sensitive. 0:11:42	0:11:47

What's the matter with you? I want 50,000 tomorrow. 0:11:49	0:11:55

Or you're dead. You hear me? Don't even think about skippin' town. 0:11:55	0:11:59

Sounds fair. 0:11:59	0:12:01

One-way to Nassau. Name? 0:12:01	0:12:07

Clarence Williams III. Yeah. 0:12:03	0:12:07

-Thank you, Mr Williams.

-Thank you. 0:12:07	0:12:10

Shaft, you'll be the coolest hamster in the Bahamas. 0:12:10	0:12:14

I think we made it, man. Ha! 0:12:14	0:12:18

What?! 0:12:18	0:12:19

Oh, man! 0:12:19	0:12:22

You really disappointed us. 0:12:20	0:12:22

Yeah. Nice glasses, though. 0:12:22	0:12:25

I learned somethin' from this... 0:12:25	0:12:29

Shut up! 0:12:27	0:12:29

Choir, stay together. 0:12:29	0:12:32

Look! Denzel Washington! 0:12:30	0:12:32

SCREAMING 0:12:32	0:12:34

He's here! He's landed in the airport! 0:12:34	0:12:39

Sick pet. Look out, people. 0:12:39	0:12:42

Move! 0:12:43	0:12:45

Shaft, you're gonna have to help me, buddy. 0:12:59	0:13:03

Shaft, I said when the end came it'd be you or me. Well, it's you. 0:13:03	0:13:09

I love you. IT'S A RAT!! 0:13:09	0:13:11

There he is! 0:13:11	0:13:13

Get me through! Get me through! 0:13:19	0:13:23

-I almost saw him.

-Whaddaya mean?! 0:13:29	0:13:32

I told him I'd pick him up here. 0:13:39	0:13:41

What does he look like, Dad? 0:13:41	0:13:43

He's around my age, black... 0:13:43	0:13:46

How tall, Daddy? 0:13:46	0:13:48

I don't know. It's been 25 years. 0:13:48	0:13:50

He was always so punctual. 0:13:50	0:13:53

I see him! 0:13:53	0:13:55

Wait a minute. Wait a minute... 0:14:00	0:14:03

Hey! 0:14:05	0:14:06

..Derek? 0:14:06	0:14:08

-That's right!

-It's me! 0:14:08	0:14:11

It's you! 0:14:11	0:14:15

-How're you doing?

-How're YOU doing? 0:14:12	0:14:15

-You look different.

-I do? 0:14:25	0:14:28

When you haven't seen someone in that long, 0:14:28	0:14:31

you can look completely different. 0:14:31	0:14:34

-You haven't changed at all.

-No? 0:14:34	0:14:37

I expected a more conservative look, but I like the earrings. 0:14:37	0:14:42

-Well, fraternity thing...

-Meet Jason, 0:14:42	0:14:45

future basketball star, and Sarah, my little princess. 0:14:45	0:14:49

Hey, Jason, Sarah. 0:14:49	0:14:51

My wife couldn't make it. 0:14:51	0:14:54

Your wife? How is she? 0:14:54	0:14:56

Busy. Emily opened a yoghurt store a coupla years back, and it took off. 0:14:56	0:15:01

She's got 35 of those silly stores now. 0:15:01	0:15:05

That's nice. Hey, come on, Jacob. 0:15:05	0:15:08

-Jason.

-Jason. 0:15:08	0:15:10

That's good. What? 0:15:10	0:15:12

Don't you have any bags? 0:15:12	0:15:15

Yeah, I got a bag... Right here. Here. Let's go. 0:15:15	0:15:18

Sorry I was so late. I remember how crazy you were about being on time. 0:15:18	0:15:23

We can make up for lost time. 0:15:23	0:15:26

We got a lotta catching up to do. 0:15:26	0:15:28

I cleared my desk so I'll have three days. We'll have a helluva weekend! 0:15:28	0:15:33

We will! 0:15:33	0:15:35

'Paging Mr Gary Young.' 0:15:35	0:15:37

That's my name. 0:15:37	0:15:42

Yeah, I know that... That was me. 0:15:39	0:15:42

What was you? 0:15:42	0:15:48

I had them page you, cos you were late, Gary! 0:15:43	0:15:48

-You should tell them you found me.

-They'll figure it out. 0:15:48	0:15:52

Take the kids. I'll tell them. 0:15:52	0:15:55

No, no, no! You take the kids. I'll tell them. 0:15:55	0:15:59

I was rude. What was I thinking about? Jet lag. 0:15:59	0:16:03

Press on. We got so much to talk about. So good to see you. 0:16:03	0:16:07

Derek? 0:16:07	0:16:09

-Derek!

-..Oh! Yeah! 0:16:09	0:16:12

Good to have you with us. 0:16:12	0:16:16

Yeah, right! 0:16:14	0:16:16

Derek Bond? 0:16:20	0:16:22

-Yes?

-I'm Pete, Gary's personal assistant. 0:16:22	0:16:25

So? 0:16:25	0:16:29

Can I speak to you? Come with me. 0:16:26	0:16:29

You can't stay with Gary this weekend. 0:16:30	0:16:34

His wife's ill. 0:16:34	0:16:36

-..Botulism.

-Botulism? 0:16:36	0:16:38

What about the thing I came to do? 0:16:38	0:16:41

It's a disease. The thing is off! 0:16:41	0:16:44

-Off!

-Great. I didn't wanna do that damn thing anyway. 0:16:44	0:16:48

I hate those things. Is there anything I can do? 0:16:48	0:16:52

-Two things.

-What?

-They want you to wear this. 0:16:52	0:16:56

-I don't wear hats.

-The woman's in a coma! 0:16:56	0:16:59

OK! 0:16:59	0:17:04

-And do not call the house.

-Why not? 0:17:00	0:17:04

Sound triggers it, man. 0:17:04	0:17:06

Phone rings - vomitin', foamin' at the mouth. It's ugly. 0:17:06	0:17:11

That's ugly. 0:17:11	0:17:13

Gary will call when she's better. 0:17:13	0:17:16

Keep hope alive. 0:17:16	0:17:18

-Can you see him?

-I see him. 0:17:18	0:17:21

-Oh, sorry. Wrong guy.

-Me too. 0:17:25	0:17:29

Help! 0:17:29	0:17:30

Derek! 0:17:31	0:17:33

Coming, Gar! 0:17:33	0:17:35

HORNS BLARE 0:17:35	0:17:38

Comin', Gar! 0:17:45	0:17:46

Whoooo! 0:17:52	0:17:54

-What's the hurry?

-Let's start the party! 0:17:54	0:17:57

-Jason, is your seatbelt on?

-No. 0:17:57	0:18:00

We're not leaving till you put it on. 0:18:00	0:18:03

Jason took my seatbelt. 0:18:03	0:18:07

Give Sarah her seatbelt. 0:18:05	0:18:07

-Say you're sorry.

-Do I have to? 0:18:07	0:18:10

-Yes!

-Sorry! 0:18:10	0:18:13

Pauly! 0:18:16	0:18:17

-Gimme the keys!

-You wanna drive? 0:18:17	0:18:20

Take a right out of the gate... 0:18:24	0:18:26

Whoooo! Some tight steerin'! 0:18:38	0:18:41

Safe car, too. 0:18:41	0:18:45

Cool! 0:18:43	0:18:45

FRANKLIN! 0:18:46	0:18:48

Oh, Franklin. Get the car, Joey. 0:18:48	0:18:51

-Pauly...

-Get the car! 0:18:51	0:18:54

-Hey! That's my car!

-That's my brother's car! 0:18:54	0:18:57

-Turn off here.

-I can make it.

-You can take the next... 0:18:57	0:19:02

All right! 0:19:05	0:19:06

You can't do this with an American car. 0:19:11	0:19:14

Boy, you have changed. You used to be so uptight when we were kids. 0:19:14	0:19:19

You used to lecture us on bicycle safety. 0:19:19	0:19:22

I haven't been the same since the accident. 0:19:22	0:19:25

What accident? 0:19:25	0:19:27

I was scuba divin' in the Cayman Islands. 0:19:28	0:19:32

We were after stingray and two great white sharks came out of nowhere. 0:19:32	0:19:37

Bam! Just attackin' us. It was like a scene off Jaws. 0:19:37	0:19:41

It was just blood and bones and butts, and everything was... 0:19:41	0:19:46

He bit my friend. His head came off! His eye was on me! 0:19:46	0:19:50

His eye was on me! 0:19:50	0:19:52

Oh, God... 0:19:52	0:19:54

Easy. 0:19:54	0:19:55

Ohhh... 0:19:55	0:19:56

My God! 0:19:56	0:19:58

I'm OK. 0:20:00	0:20:01

Well... This is great. 0:20:06	0:20:09

Yeah. This is great. 0:20:09	0:20:12

I mean...this is really great. 0:20:12	0:20:15

After all these years, it only took one call to get you to Pittsburgh 0:20:15	0:20:20

so we could rekindle that old friendship. 0:20:20	0:20:23

Well, Gary, friends don't grow on trees. 0:20:23	0:20:26

No, they don't. Remember how we always used to sing this song? 0:20:26	0:20:31

-# Good night, Irene, good night

-..Irene... 0:20:31	0:20:34

-# Good night, Irene, good night

-..Good night... 0:20:34	0:20:38

0:20:38	0:20:41
 * 1) Good night, Irene

0:20:41	0:20:44
 * 1) Good night, Irene...

0:20:45	0:20:49
 * 1) ..I wish I had some Dairy Queen! #

0:20:50	0:20:55
 * 1) I'll see you in my...

0:20:57	0:21:01
 * 1) ..dreams!

0:20:58	0:21:01
 * 1) ..Dreams. #

How's your wife? Heard she was ill. 0:21:01	0:21:04

-My wife?

-Yeah.

-Er... 0:21:04	0:21:06

She's dead, Gar. 0:21:06	0:21:09

What?! I just spoke to her yesterday. 0:21:09	0:21:12

I mean... She's dead inside... from the loss of our son. 0:21:12	0:21:16

Your son? He's at Princeton. 0:21:16	0:21:19

Yeah. We thought we'd lost our son to the Ivy League... 0:21:19	0:21:23

Oh! 0:21:23	0:21:25

-We misplaced him.

-'Misplaced him?!' 0:21:25	0:21:29

If I don't get that money by the end of the weekend, 0:21:29	0:21:33

The Lotto's on. 0:21:34	0:21:35

Lotto? 0:21:35	0:21:37

'Win a million dollars! 0:21:37	0:21:39

'Let's see where it stops.' 0:21:39	0:21:42

-Hello?

-Listen! 0:21:42	0:21:43

You'll be looking at the wrong end of an icepick. Very closely. 0:21:43	0:21:49

-We'll find him.

-Gimme the pepper. 0:21:49	0:21:52

Happy's not happy. 0:21:52	0:21:56

Who is he, then? 0:21:53	0:21:56

Derek, thank you again. 0:22:06	0:22:08

You're welcome. 0:22:08	0:22:10

Thanks for doing this thing today. 0:22:10	0:22:12

The thing. 0:22:12	0:22:14

Well, I mean, how bad could it be? 0:22:14	0:22:17

When you stop and think about it, what is this thing, really? 0:22:17	0:22:22

Well, you're a braver man than I.	0:22:22	0:22:25

Sorry I'm late. 0:22:38	0:22:41

Derek, meet Nancy Pike, head of the school board, and my boss's wife. 0:22:41	0:22:46

Pleasure to meet you, but could I hurry you? You're a little late. 0:22:46	0:22:51

-This way.

-Catch you later, buddy. 0:22:51	0:22:55

-Right up these stairs.

-Listen...

-Go through the curtain. 0:22:55	0:22:59

And here we are. 0:22:59	0:23:01

Derek, could you sit down there? 0:23:01	0:23:04

Gentlemen, we are about to begin. Would you please be seated? 0:23:04	0:23:09

Thank you. 0:23:09	0:23:11

Greetings, students and faculty. On behalf of the School Foundation, 0:23:23	0:23:28

I want to personally welcome all our distinguished speakers, 0:23:28	0:23:34

and all of you, to Career Day! 0:23:34	0:23:38

THIN APPLAUSE 0:23:38	0:23:40

Now, let me introduce you to our first speaker, Derek Bond. 0:23:40	0:23:45

Let me tell you a few things about Derek. 0:23:45	0:23:49

He has come a long way to talk to us today, 0:23:49	0:23:53

and he has had a distinguished career as a... 0:23:53	0:23:57

Um... 0:23:57	0:23:58

..a professional in his field. But I'll let him tell you. 0:24:00	0:24:05

Join me in a warm welcome for Derek Bond. 0:24:05	0:24:09

(No, you, Derek.) 0:24:11	0:24:13

(Now.) 0:24:13	0:24:15

There he is, honey! 0:24:16	0:24:18

I'd like to, er, thank Mrs Pike for the...welcomage addressing speech. 0:24:29	0:24:34

Um... 0:24:36	0:24:38

I had some notes... I need to go to the car. I had some notes... 0:24:38	0:24:43

Let the man with the high-water pants go first. 0:24:43	0:24:47

Now, Derek, you know you're just joking. 0:24:47	0:24:51

Your secretary sent your slides ahead of you. 0:24:51	0:24:54

-She did?

-Harvey, start the slide show, please. 0:24:54	0:24:58

Your clicker. I know you know what to say. 0:24:58	0:25:01

We'll click 'em. 0:25:01	0:25:05

Thanks, Harv. 0:25:03	0:25:05

-Beautiful dress!

-Well, here goes nothin'. 0:25:05	0:25:10

Oh, that's... 0:25:10	0:25:12

(ALL) Yeuch! 0:25:14	0:25:16

Hey! 0:25:16	0:25:17

Eurgh! 0:25:17	0:25:19

A sandwich is a sandwich but that's a meal! 0:25:19	0:25:22

Bleuch! 0:25:22	0:25:24

That'd be nice with a lemonade. 0:25:24	0:25:27

That looks like the inside of my refrigerator. 0:25:27	0:25:30

What is it? 0:25:30	0:25:32

Ugh! 0:25:32	0:25:34

Oh! Eugh! 0:25:34	0:25:36

Ooooh! Ohhh! 0:25:36	0:25:38

You've learned all I can teach you about my career. 0:25:41	0:25:45

It's time to have Dr von Fleisenberg, 0:25:45	0:25:48

the country's leading hair transplant scientist, to discuss... 0:25:48	0:25:53

Derek! 0:25:53	0:25:54

Thank you, Professor von Whatever, 0:25:54	0:25:57

but I'm sure we have time for just one question. 0:25:57	0:26:01

Oh, yes, Mr Ichabod, head of our science department. 0:26:02	0:26:07

Er, chapter five of your book. 0:26:07	0:26:10

You said there are things you would do differently if you could do them over again. 0:26:10	0:26:15

Meaning what? 0:26:15	0:26:17

-Chapter five?

-In your book. 0:26:17	0:26:19

What I meant when I put that was... I padded the book immensely... 0:26:19	0:26:24

I'd eliminate chapter five. I wrote it to get to six. 0:26:24	0:26:28

You don't have any idea what you're talking about. 0:26:28	0:26:33

Listen here... 0:26:33	0:26:34

Since you know more about what I do than me, 0:26:34	0:26:39

come here, Mr Smartypants, Mr I-Don't-Have-A-Woman! 0:26:39	0:26:42

-Well, I...

-Come and tell me, Mr Ickey-Body! 0:26:42	0:26:46

I'm waitin'. Hmm? Hmm? 0:26:46	0:26:49

-I... I'm sorry.

-You

-are

-sorry. 0:26:49	0:26:52

There's a free Pearl Jam ticket inside each book. 0:26:52	0:26:57

Hey! 0:26:58	0:26:59

Help! 0:26:59	0:27:01

That was a great speech, Derek. 0:27:01	0:27:04

Anytime I can help out, just let me know. 0:27:04	0:27:08

Meet my oldest, Brooke. Brooke, sweetie, this is Derek Bond. 0:27:08	0:27:13

Hey. 0:27:13	0:27:14

And this is Brooke's...friend, 0:27:14	0:27:17

Steve. 0:27:17	0:27:18

Yo, my man. I told you, I ain't down with Steve. 0:27:18	0:27:22

Call me ST3, a'ight? 0:27:22	0:27:25

ST3. 0:27:25	0:27:27

Yo, G, your speech? 0:27:27	0:27:30

The butters, yo. The butters can't dig where zat! 0:27:30	0:27:34

You been droppin' serious science! 0:27:34	0:27:37

Peeps here don't know wha's up. 0:27:37	0:27:39

-Who?

-Peeps. The people.

-The people! 0:27:39	0:27:43

Ain't no thing but a chicken wing. 0:27:43	0:27:46

Anyway, we outy five thousand. 0:27:48	0:27:54

-You stay tan now.

-All right, man. 0:27:50	0:27:54

-Comin', girl?

-I'm right behind you. 0:27:54	0:27:57

Careful, hon.	0:27:57	0:27:59

Is, er, bro-man from around here? 0:27:59	0:28:01

He's the state senator's son. 0:28:01	0:28:05

Oh. 0:28:04	0:28:05

GIRL: Hi, Mr Young. 0:28:09	0:28:11

HORN HONKS 0:28:15	0:28:17

This is perfect. 0:28:26	0:28:27

We like to think of it as our little piece of heaven. 0:28:29	0:28:32

-Woof!

-Hey, hey! 0:28:35	0:28:37

-Woof!

-That's funny. 0:28:37	0:28:39

-Carl likes everybody.

-Good dog, Carl. 0:28:39	0:28:43

Come on, Sarah. 0:28:43	0:28:45

Jason! How many times have I told you to pick that up?! 0:28:47	0:28:51

A lot, I think. 0:28:51	0:28:54

Probably several, maybe... 0:28:54	0:28:58

-Come on.

-Come on, Carl. Let's go find a cat. 0:28:58	0:29:02

Come on, buddy. 0:29:04	0:29:07

Whoa. 0:29:13	0:29:15

Nice crib. 0:29:15	0:29:16

-Is my wife home?

-She's on the phone, Mr Young. 0:29:16	0:29:20

I hope everything fits your dietary needs. 0:29:20	0:29:23

-That looks good. Can I try some?

-Sure. 0:29:27	0:29:30

Eurgh! 0:29:30	0:29:32

What is that? 0:29:32	0:29:37

Puree of parsnip and crookneck squash. 0:29:33	0:29:37

-Only vegetables for the vegetarian.

-I'm a vegetarian. 0:29:37	0:29:41

Your secretary faxed us the specifics on your diet 0:29:41	0:29:45

and we followed them to the T.	0:29:45	0:29:47

That's a load off my mind. Don't burn your fingers. 0:29:47	0:29:51

I don't know how you do it, Derek. 0:29:51	0:29:54

I could never say no to a big, juicy cheeseburger. 0:29:54	0:29:58

Just vegetables for me. 0:30:01	0:30:05

No! > 0:30:03	0:30:05

No deviations on the shop design. 0:30:05	0:30:08

Mommy! 0:30:08	0:30:09

Well, I felt very strongly about that. 0:30:09	0:30:12

-Well...

-Mommy! 0:30:12	0:30:14

Cream sauce. Thank you. 0:30:14	0:30:17

Mommy! 0:30:17	0:30:19

Derek, Emily. Emily, Derek. 0:30:19	0:30:22

Sorry I wasn't at the airport. The kids and the party... 0:30:22	0:30:26

Mommy! 0:30:26	0:30:27

We opened three new yoghurt shops in Pennsylvania. 0:30:27	0:30:31

I told him. 0:30:31	0:30:33

Hold it. I'm right here. Wait! 0:30:33	0:30:36

I'd give you the grand tour, but I can't.	0:30:36	0:30:39

If you'd like to wash up, you can. Your room is upstairs on the left. 0:30:39	0:30:45

-Welcome aboard.

-Nice to meet you. 0:30:45	0:30:48

I thought I made it pretty clear that... 0:30:48	0:30:51

Second door on the left, right? 0:30:52	0:30:55

Good to see ya, buddy. Hey, you forgot your bag. 0:30:55	0:30:59

Thank you. 0:30:59	0:31:01

Jordan for two! It's... 0:31:01	0:31:03

..not. 0:31:05	0:31:07

-Hey, Dad!

-Just a second.

-I just wanna show you something real quick. 0:31:08	0:31:13

-This is Molly's shot from three.

-Show me what you got.

-All right. 0:31:13	0:31:19

You'll have to work harder if you wanna make the big leagues. 0:31:23	0:31:28

Oh... 0:31:31	0:31:33

I'm home! 0:31:36	0:31:39

Yow! 0:31:39	0:31:41

Oh, yeah! 0:31:43	0:31:45

Pillow for me! La la la la! 0:31:45	0:31:47

Pillowman to the rescue! 0:31:47	0:31:50

Put de lime in de coconut and mix it all up. 0:31:50	0:31:54

Daddy said to give these to you. 0:31:54	0:31:56

Well, er, here you go. 0:31:56	0:31:59

-Will you teach me French?

-French? 0:31:59	0:32:03

Daddy said you've lived in France. 0:32:03	0:32:08

Aren't you a little young for French? 0:32:05	0:32:08

-I already know some.

-You do, huh? 0:32:08	0:32:12

-Bonjour is hello.

-Tell you what... 0:32:12	0:32:14

-Au revoir is goodbye.

-You are a Frenchwoman. 0:32:14	0:32:17

Comment allez-vous - how are you? 0:32:17	0:32:22

How about a game? 0:32:19	0:32:22

-What did Daddy say about me?

-He knew you in summer camp. 0:32:22	0:32:27

-Right.

-You live in Baltimore. 0:32:27	0:32:30

What do I do for a living? 0:32:30	0:32:33

You're a very successful d... 0:32:33	0:32:34

-(EMILY) Stop bothering Derek! >

-Sarah! 0:32:34	0:32:38

Sarah! 0:32:38	0:32:41

Hey, buddy. 0:32:39	0:32:41

Better get ready for the thing tonight. 0:32:41	0:32:45

Oh, yes, the thing. Of course, the thing. I can't wait. 0:32:45	0:32:50

Me neither. 0:32:50	0:32:52

All right, let's see what we got. I don't care if it look good, just fit 0:32:54	0:32:59

Groverton Funeral Home? I'm dead. 0:33:07	0:33:11

You are grounded, young lady. 0:33:11	0:33:15

Go to your room for the rest of the night. 0:33:15	0:33:18

Great! 0:33:18	0:33:19

Let's be cool. Let's just do this. 0:33:29	0:33:32

How ya doin'? Hi. 0:33:37	0:33:40

May I have one of those big, fat...? Yeah! 0:33:41	0:33:45

-Hi.

-Hi. 0:33:45	0:33:47

-Derek, meet a friend of mine, Tom Miller.

-Hi. 0:33:49	0:33:53

Is that a burger behind your back? 0:33:53	0:33:59

Oh, this? 0:33:55	0:33:59

This steroid-filled, high-cholesterol beef! 0:33:59	0:34:02

You know what this does to the heart? I'm ashamed of you, Gary. 0:34:02	0:34:08

-We buy the best meat.

-Sorry. I'm vegetarian. 0:34:08	0:34:11

I'd like to knock all this meat... Meat is so dangerous. 0:34:11	0:34:16

Tom chairs the chess, bridge and, of course, poker night down at the club 0:34:16	0:34:22

-What does that stand for?

-Oh... 0:34:22	0:34:26

The Gaming Foundation of Harlem. 0:34:26	0:34:28

A charitable organisation, right? 0:34:28	0:34:31

You said it. 0:34:31	0:34:35

-Nice guy.

-Oh, he's the genuine article. 0:34:31	0:34:35

GFH? 0:34:35	0:34:36

My grandfather... General Francois Heimlich-Manoeuvre. 0:34:36	0:34:41

Good guy. 0:34:41	0:34:43

-What is GFH?

-Gemstones Furs and Haberdashery. 0:34:43	0:34:46

-Graduated from Oxford.

-I went to Harvard.

-Harvard Street! 0:34:46	0:34:51

-My gospel group - Godliness, Faithful and Honest.

-Amen. 0:34:51	0:34:56

Geeks For Hire. You'd fit in. 0:34:56	0:34:58

-Gas From Humans. Girls From the Hood. Girls Feedin' Homies.

-That's a joke? 0:34:58	0:35:03

0:35:03	0:35:06
 * 1) Godliness Faithful and Honest... #

Oh! 0:35:06	0:35:07

Good Fine and Healthy. And, baby, you it, you know? 0:35:07	0:35:11

Derek! Ronald Timmerman. Great to know you. I hear you're one of the top guys. 0:35:11	0:35:17

I just do what I do. 0:35:17	0:35:23

You must have heard of me. We have mutual friends. 0:35:19	0:35:23

I don't think so. 0:35:23	0:35:26

Timmerman. 0:35:24	0:35:26

Penn State. Hopkins. Had two papers published in the journal last year. 0:35:26	0:35:30

Oh, RON Timmerman! I thought you said Rob. Ron's like Rob. 0:35:30	0:35:34

Stuffed mushroom? 0:35:34	0:35:40

I'm in training. I'm a runner in the Sewickley 5K. 0:35:35	0:35:40

Derek! Having a good time? 0:35:40	0:35:43

Jerry Jordan, the J-Man! 0:35:43	0:35:49

I hear you're the best in your field. 0:35:45	0:35:49

Janey! Look at my wife. 0:35:49	0:35:52

Well, D-Man, what do you think? 0:35:52	0:35:55

Lucky man! 0:35:55	0:35:57

Can you do something for her? 0:35:57	0:36:03

Oh! Oh, I... Oh, I... 0:35:59	0:36:03

-I'd pay you.

-You couldn't pay me. 0:36:03	0:36:06

You see the size of that moth? It's gonna get in someone's hair. 0:36:06	0:36:11

The guy's a hoot. You said he was a stuffed shirt. 0:36:11	0:36:16

Not since the accident. 0:36:16	0:36:18

There's a lot you should know about Derek. I'll tell you all about him. 0:36:18	0:36:23

-Did you go to summer camp?

-Yes.

-We went to Camp Mapleridge. 0:36:23	0:36:27

Same cabin both years. Legendary Cabin 6. 0:36:27	0:36:32

On Lake Caba... Cabaclou... 0:36:32	0:36:35

Some Indian name. 0:36:35	0:36:38

Derek taught me Spin The Bottle. Not with the two of us - with the girls. 0:36:38	0:36:43

Michelle Castel. I teach French. I hear you're fluent. 0:36:43	0:36:48

Bonjour, bonjour! Baisez moi! 0:36:48	0:36:51

Whatever Derek tried, he always pulled it off. 0:36:51	0:36:55

Mais, en marveil... 0:36:55	0:37:00

0:36:56	0:37:00
 * 1) Michelle, my belle! #

-So I wasn't surprised to hear he was a DDS.

-DDS? 0:37:00	0:37:04

A dentist. 0:37:04	0:37:06

Did I use the term improperly? 0:37:06	0:37:12

No! But you don't use DDS once you graduate. 0:37:07	0:37:12

Not DDS. I'm a dentist! Gimme some! 0:37:12	0:37:15

I couldn't be prouder! I'll yell a little louder! 0:37:15	0:37:19

It's always nice to see someone who truly enjoys his work. 0:37:19	0:37:25

Sorry. I sell beautiful smiles. I just get excited. 0:37:25	0:37:29

How're you doin'? 0:37:31	0:37:34

Sorry I insulted you. You're so refined. Can I help you? 0:37:34	0:37:38

Go ahead. 0:37:38	0:37:43

I worked my way through dental school doin' this. 0:37:39	0:37:43

Mmm? 0:37:43	0:37:44

Ohhh! 0:37:46	0:37:48

Oh! 0:37:52	0:37:53

Sorry. 0:37:53	0:37:55

Need some help. Anyone got a hose? 0:37:55	0:37:58

Now for the thing we've waited for. 0:37:58	0:38:01

Derek, oenophile extraordinaire, will introduce my favourite wines. 0:38:01	0:38:06

But first, Derek, your comments. 0:38:06	0:38:09

Thank you, Gary. 0:38:13	0:38:15

Well... 0:38:16	0:38:18

We have some dark wines and light wines for...dark and light people. 0:38:18	0:38:23

This one here is a... Chattie Laffit. 0:38:23	0:38:26

This is a happy wine. 0:38:26	0:38:29

No sense holdin' the party up. Pass this round and drink up. 0:38:29	0:38:33

Don't you smell the cork? What about the nose? 0:38:33	0:38:38

What about the booty? You want the cork? Here. 0:38:38	0:38:42

Who are you to tell me - xylophone extraordinaire - how to taste wine? 0:38:42	0:38:47

Vincent Montgomery, wine critic for the Sewickley Register. 0:38:47	0:38:52

-PEOPLE MURMUR

-May I?

-You may. 0:38:52	0:38:56

Please. 0:39:01	0:39:03

SLURPING 0:39:19	0:39:22

I like my wine bright, rich, mature... 0:39:34	0:39:39

..developed, seductive, 0:39:39	0:39:42

with nice legs and a prolonged finish. 0:39:42	0:39:46

Sounds like you need a woman. 0:39:46	0:39:49

Some folks drink wine, some people date. 0:39:49	0:39:52

Gimme that bottle. 0:39:52	0:39:55

Drink up. 0:39:55	0:39:57

Why not drink it right out the bottle? 0:39:57	0:40:01

You wanna get a party started? 0:40:01	0:40:04

Out the bottle. You can do it. 0:40:04	0:40:06

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 0:40:06	0:40:10

CHANT CONTINUES 0:40:10	0:40:12

THEY CHEER 0:40:14	0:40:16

This is a party, people. Drink up! 0:40:16	0:40:19

Hey, I'm here! Party in the crib! 0:40:32	0:40:35

DRUNKEN SHRIEKS OF LAUGHTER 0:40:35	0:40:39

I love you...! 0:40:41	0:40:44

I love you! 0:40:45	0:40:46

0:40:48	0:40:51
 * 1) She knows she's got everything

0:40:51	0:40:56
 * 1) That a woman needs to get a man

0:41:03	0:41:06
 * 1) Well, hang close

0:41:10	0:41:13
 * 1) She's mighty mighty!

0:41:15	0:41:18
 * 1) Aaaaooooow!

0:41:21	0:41:25
 * 1) She's a play house

0:41:25	0:41:31
 * 1) She's the one, the only one... #

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS 0:41:50	0:41:53

Our daughter is getting weirder and weirder. 0:42:00	0:42:03

She'll grow out of it. 0:42:03	0:42:05

Emily, don't you see what's happening here? 0:42:11	0:42:14

You gotta spend more time with the girls. 0:42:15	0:42:18

More time with them, less time with Emily's Yoghurt Madness. 0:42:18	0:42:24

It's a question of priorities, honey. 0:42:24	0:42:27

That's not fair. 0:42:27	0:42:32

At least Derek hasn't let success change him. 0:42:28	0:42:32

You'd never know he was a dentist. He didn't talk about work all night. 0:42:32	0:42:38

-That's because he's secure.

-Meaning? 0:42:38	0:42:41

Mmm. 0:42:41	0:42:45

-You said

-he's

-secure. What do you mean? 0:42:42	0:42:45

Oh... 0:42:45	0:42:48

Well... 0:42:48	0:42:49

When I first met him I said, this is a guy who knows who he is. 0:42:49	0:42:54

He's comfortable with it. 0:42:54	0:42:56

Hmm. Comfortable. 0:42:57	0:43:00

Who's insecure? 0:43:06	0:43:07

Huh? 0:43:07	0:43:09

-You said

-he's

-secure. Who's insecure? 0:43:09	0:43:12

Who is "he"? 0:43:14	0:43:18

Look, I don't wanna argue with you. 0:43:15	0:43:18

Who's insecure? 0:43:18	0:43:20

-You said

-he's

-secure. 0:43:20	0:43:22

He is. 0:43:22	0:43:24

-I...

-No, that's all right. 0:43:24	0:43:27

Thanks. So much. 0:43:27	0:43:29

Are we having an argument? 0:43:29	0:43:32

Sure you know what a Harley looks like? 0:43:34	0:43:37

Better not look like no Honda. 0:43:37	0:43:39

Just take a seat. 0:43:44	0:43:46

Buddy. 0:43:46	0:43:48

Wait your turn! 0:43:48	0:43:50

Next? 0:43:53	0:43:55

-Where's Franklin?

-Who?

-Franklin.

-PHONE RINGS 0:43:55	0:43:58

He used you as a reference for a loan. 0:43:58	0:44:05

-I don't know...

-Answer your phone. 0:44:01	0:44:05

Answer it! 0:44:05	0:44:07

What?! 0:44:07	0:44:09

-Where you been?

-Thank God it's you... Mother. 0:44:09	0:44:12

-Man...!

-She's been to Florida. 0:44:12	0:44:15

-Tell her to hurry up.

-I'm stayin' with a family... 0:44:15	0:44:18

Come and get me right now, man. 0:44:18	0:44:24

No, no, no! Mom, er... 0:44:21	0:44:24

I will not come and get you, 0:44:24	0:44:26

because I have two very angry Italian customers 0:44:26	0:44:30

-'demanding service'!

-They're there? 0:44:30	0:44:33

-Stay put, Mom.

-What'll I do? 0:44:33	0:44:36

Be a good houseguest. If they ask you to do something, say, "Sure." 0:44:36	0:44:41

Maybe you can stay. 0:44:41	0:44:43

-Come on!

-Sure.

-Man?! 0:44:43	0:44:48

Gotta go. I love you, son. 0:44:45	0:44:48

-Pauly!

-Mama-san... She's half Japanese. 0:44:48	0:44:52

Franklin? 0:44:52	0:44:54

-(HIGH VOICE) Where's my son?

-Sorry, lady. 0:44:54	0:44:58

I need some Depends. It ain't easy in the bathroom. 0:44:58	0:45:02

Oooh, I done used the bathroom on myself! 0:45:02	0:45:05

Sorry, lady! 0:45:05	0:45:07

Ain't nothin' that'll make me give in my brother! 0:45:07	0:45:11

He's in Sewickley, stayin' with some folks he don't know as a houseguest. 0:45:11	0:45:16

Larry's my main man. He ain't gonna give me up. We like this. 0:45:16	0:45:20

Oh, man... 0:45:22	0:45:24

He's weak. He's neurotic. He gave me up! He gave me up! 0:45:24	0:45:28

I gotta get outta here. 0:45:28	0:45:31

Buddy? 0:45:38	0:45:39

Your breakfast of champions awaits you. 0:45:39	0:45:43

Morning, Derek. 0:45:43	0:45:44

Come on. Muesli, soya milk, papaya slices. I don't know how you do it. 0:45:44	0:45:50

-Me neither.

-Well, it's commendable. 0:45:50	0:45:53

Kids, this is a free man. Derek and I cleared the decks for three days. 0:45:53	0:45:58

Wish your mother could do the same. 0:45:58	0:46:01

Steve and I are doing grave-rubbings today. 0:46:01	0:46:05

Honey, you can do that any time. 0:46:05	0:46:07

Dad, it's Memorial Day. It's a memorial tribute 0:46:07	0:46:12

to the great poets who gave so much at the expense of their own lives. 0:46:12	0:46:16

Edgar Allen Poe, Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath. 0:46:16	0:46:20

It wouldn't kill us to spend time together like families do. 0:46:20	0:46:25

Right, Derek? 0:46:25	0:46:27

Um... 0:46:27	0:46:28

I... 0:46:28	0:46:30

Family togetherness is very important. 0:46:32	0:46:36

You're all ganging up on me! 0:46:36	0:46:38

Why can't you be normal? I can't stand it! 0:46:38	0:46:42

-Then again...

-I'm sorry, Derek. 0:46:42	0:46:45

Look, everybody. 0:46:45	0:46:47

We can all do whatever we want today, 0:46:47	0:46:50

but tomorrow it's family day. We're spending it with our buddy Derek. 0:46:50	0:46:55

Great breakfast. But you can have too much of a good thing. Gotta run. 0:46:55	0:47:01

Speaking of which, 0:47:01	0:47:04

we have a little present for you. 0:47:04	0:47:06

Hope you enjoy them. 0:47:06	0:47:09

Thanks. 0:47:11	0:47:13

Whoa. These are nice! 0:47:15	0:47:18

Man... 0:47:18	0:47:20

How'd you know my size? 0:47:20	0:47:22

Eyeballed your dogs. Put myself through law school selling shoes. 0:47:22	0:47:27

-13E as soon as I saw you.

-Yeah! 0:47:27	0:47:30

I signed you up for the 5K. It's to raise money for Sarah's school. 0:47:30	0:47:35

-Please, Derek!

-No problem. If I'm still here. 0:47:35	0:47:39

-It's tomorrow!

-I'm there. 0:47:39	0:47:42

-Great athlete.

-What's your best sport? 0:47:42	0:47:45

I didn't have a best... 0:47:45	0:47:47

He was the Michael Jordan of camp. 0:47:47	0:47:51

-Could you teach me?

-Derek's on vacation. 0:47:51	0:47:54

-We'll go to the country club.

-Country club. 0:47:54	0:47:57

-Show me that famous golf swing.

-Can't wait. 0:47:57	0:48:01

Gary, I can't believe you set me up like that! 0:48:01	0:48:06

I can't do this to these people. 0:48:06	0:48:09

-There are children here!

-Sorry! 0:48:09	0:48:12

-OK...

-Mr Good Guy!

-La la la la! 0:48:12	0:48:15

Er... 0:48:15	0:48:17

Thank you for your hospitality. 0:48:17	0:48:20

Sorry if I've been any kind of inconvenience. 0:48:20	0:48:23

We're glad to have you. 0:48:23	0:48:25

Derek, you're the perfect guest. 0:48:25	0:48:28

I didn't mean to interrupt a family... 0:48:28	0:48:31

Whoa...! 0:48:37	0:48:38

Hey, Carl. Wassup? You know we're brothers. You're my main man! 0:48:45	0:48:50

-Woof! Woof!

-Come on, Carl! 0:48:50	0:48:53

Stop! Stay! 0:48:53	0:48:56

Good dog, Carl. 0:48:56	0:48:58

Good morning. 0:48:58	0:49:01

How are you? 0:49:01	0:49:02

-CHOIR:

-# You deserve a break today 0:49:06	0:49:10

0:49:10	0:49:15
 * 1) So get up and get away! #

May I take your order, please? 0:49:19	0:49:24

Big Mac, Quarter Pounder with cheese 0:49:21	0:49:24

Deluxe with cheese, cheeseburger, 0:49:24	0:49:28

a large order of fries, and a large Coke. 0:49:28	0:49:32

-10.87, sir.

-Change that. 0:49:32	0:49:35

-Oh.

-Quarter Pounder with cheese... 0:49:35	0:49:37

Large Coke... 0:49:37	0:49:40

..large fries. 0:49:40	0:49:41

-4.07, sir.

-All right! 0:49:41	0:49:44

Thank you, sir.	0:49:49	0:49:51

-We're in the vicinity.

-Vicinity? What's that mean? 0:49:51	0:49:56

Close. 0:49:56	0:49:57

-He's with a family in Sewicky.

-Sewickley. 0:49:57	0:50:01

-Vicinity?

-No exact address.

-Pauly...

-Shut up! 0:50:01	0:50:05

-What?!

-Not you. Some Jehovah's Witnesses want the phone. Back off! 0:50:05	0:50:10

-See you. Bye.

-Pinhead! 0:50:10	0:50:12

-What's the matter with you?

-Franklin! 0:50:12	0:50:15

In McDonald's.	0:50:15	0:50:17

-You didn't see him!

-I did!

-What're you doin'? Get in the car! 0:50:17	0:50:21

Nice Porsche. 0:50:21	0:50:24

Hey, wassup? 0:50:33	0:50:34

Thought I missed somethin'. 0:50:39	0:50:41

How far can I get for a dollar and, er... 0:50:41	0:50:45

..33 cents? 0:50:45	0:50:47

Hello! 0:50:48	0:50:50

To Alaquipa. 0:50:51	0:50:54

Alaquipa? How far is that? 0:50:54	0:50:57

About a half a mile up the road. 0:50:59	0:51:02

Half a mile? Forget that. 0:51:02	0:51:04

Gimme one of those. 0:51:04	0:51:06

Don't go too fast. I don't want you to hurt yourself. 0:51:06	0:51:10

The newest game in town. 0:51:14	0:51:17

I feel mighty lucky, partner. 0:51:17	0:51:20

-I swear I saw him.

-Where did you see him? 0:51:20	0:51:23

There! 0:51:23	0:51:25

I'll run him down! 0:51:27	0:51:29

Nice fence! 0:51:58	0:52:00

Sorry, lady. 0:52:06	0:52:08

HORN HONKS 0:52:11	0:52:13

Hop in. I've been looking for you. 0:52:13	0:52:16

We'll be late for tee-time. 0:52:16	0:52:19

What's with the suitcase? 0:52:19	0:52:21

I get a cardiovascular work-out with the weight. 0:52:21	0:52:25

Franklin! 0:52:25	0:52:26

-He got away.

-My head don't hurt no more. 0:52:26	0:52:29

-How does it feel now?! Come on, before we lose him.

-All right, Pauly. 0:52:29	0:52:35

There they go. 0:52:46	0:52:48

-All right, already!

-Sorry, Pauly. 0:52:48	0:52:51

You're like a broken record, Joey! 0:52:51	0:52:54

This is a bad idea. I don't have my sticks or the right clothes... 0:52:54	0:52:59

The pro shop'll fix you up. 0:52:59	0:53:01

-No wallet.

-It's on me, buddy. Come on. 0:53:01	0:53:05

0:53:05	0:53:08
 * 1) Lovin' life, lovin' life

0:53:08	0:53:13
 * 1) La la la la, la-la la la la

0:53:13	0:53:16
 * 1) Lovin' life, lovin' life

0:53:16	0:53:21
 * 1) La la la la, la-la la la la

0:53:22	0:53:24
 * Oh, yeah

0:53:29	0:53:33
 * 1) Life is pleasure and the child of pain

0:53:33	0:53:37
 * 1) And so much better when you know the game

0:53:37	0:53:41
 * 1) If you're ready come and go with me

0:53:41	0:53:46
 * 1) Come on, everybody, laugh and sing

0:53:46	0:53:49
 * 1) You should be lovin' life, lovin' life. #

I look like Fat Albert. 0:53:49	0:53:51

There's a striking resemblance. 0:53:51	0:53:54

-Wow! This is somethin'.

-Nice joint. 0:53:56	0:53:59

May we help you? 0:53:59	0:54:01

Just lookin' around. 0:54:01	0:54:03

-Considering membership?

-Yeah. 0:54:03	0:54:06

-Which members are your sponsors?

-The Miller...

-Smiths. 0:54:06	0:54:11

The Miller-Smiths. 0:54:11	0:54:14

-You're acquainted with the Miller-Smiths?

-Sure. 0:54:14	0:54:18

They're very nice people. 0:54:18	0:54:20

Very nice. Terrific. 0:54:20	0:54:22

I think we can arrange a tour. 0:54:22	0:54:25

-Follow me.

-Thank you.

-This way. 0:54:25	0:54:27

-Sorry we're late.

-Still time for another Bloody Mary. 0:54:27	0:54:32

Poncho, another round of BMs over here. 0:54:32	0:54:35

-It's Pablo, Don.

-Pablo, Poncho - who cares if the drinks are strong. 0:54:35	0:54:40

Mr Pike, this is Derek Bond. You know Ron, our family dentist. 0:54:40	0:54:45

Fellow dentist. That's marvellous. 0:54:45	0:54:48

-Slap me five there, brother!

-Why don't I just slap you? 0:54:48	0:54:54

Where'd you find this boy? 0:54:54	0:54:56

-Boy?

-He's pure gold, Jerry. 0:54:56	0:55:00

-Gary.

-Good to have a man of your persuasion along. 0:55:00	0:55:03

Wrap these up, Poncho. We're teeing off. 0:55:03	0:55:07

Bring the clubs too. Come on, Poncho! 0:55:07	0:55:11

Stop thinking about those senoritas and let's go! 0:55:11	0:55:16

Mayor idiota! 0:55:16	0:55:19

You work hard for me, son, and I want you to know I appreciate it. 0:55:20	0:55:25

Thank you, Mr Pike. 0:55:25	0:55:27

The clients like you and you're always available when I need you. 0:55:27	0:55:33

-I try, sir.

-I have a little secret. 0:55:33	0:55:35

We just signed a new client, Beaver Meadows, a frozen food conglomerate. 0:55:35	0:55:40

-Really?

-They're branching out. 0:55:40	0:55:43

They're starting a yoghurt chain - 91 Choices - some crap like that. 0:55:43	0:55:47

But my wife is in the yoghurt business. 0:55:47	0:55:51

Great! You have the inside track. 0:55:51	0:55:54

The files are on your desk. First meeting - Tuesday morning. 0:55:54	0:55:58

Will we be ready? 0:55:58	0:56:01

Er... Yeah, we'll be ready. It's just, I have to... 0:56:01	0:56:05

We'll be ready. 0:56:05	0:56:08

-Are your balls dirty?

-What?! 0:56:08	0:56:11

I wash my balls religiously. 0:56:11	0:56:13

I like 'em so clean you can feel every dimple. 0:56:13	0:56:17

-Thanks for sharing that.

-Clean balls, clean play. 0:56:17	0:56:21

It's best to get it in the hole with the least amount of strokes, right? 0:56:21	0:56:26

-What?!

-Lemme wash your balls. 0:56:26	0:56:28

-No way!

-We'll wash 'em together.

-Chill out! 0:56:28	0:56:31

I'll wash, you dry. They'll go further. 0:56:31	0:56:35

-You're about to get hurt.

-Just unzip and pull out your balls.

-Back up! 0:56:35	0:56:39

All right! Geez. Sorry. Suit yourself. 0:56:39	0:56:42

The Pink Terrace, named after Sir Jonas Pink. 0:56:49	0:56:52

-Love the colour.

-Home of afternoon tea, exclusively for ladies. 0:56:52	0:56:57

-Afternoon, ladies.

-Afternoon. 0:56:57	0:56:59

What kind of boring golf is this? 0:57:11	0:57:14

Ever play speed golf? 0:57:14	0:57:16

Like speed chess, right? 0:57:16	0:57:18

You know everything. We all tee off at the same time. 0:57:18	0:57:23

We all hit the ball at the same time, right? 0:57:23	0:57:27

Don't look at anybody else. 0:57:27	0:57:29

It's a great game. You ready? It's gonna be great. One, two, 0:57:29	0:57:33

three, go! 0:57:33	0:57:35

Nice shot, Mr Pike. 0:57:37	0:57:39

-Tough break, chip.

-Let's go. 0:57:39	0:57:42

Come on! 0:57:42	0:57:44

-There he is! Show us the course.

-Of course. 0:57:44	0:57:48

ALL SHOUT AND LAUGH 0:57:49	0:57:51

Come on! 0:58:12	0:58:14

Hit the ball! 0:58:14	0:58:16

HAPPY YELLS 0:58:34	0:58:37

Boy, this is a treat. This is our ninth hole. 0:58:38	0:58:42

Notice the slight dog-leg? 0:58:42	0:58:44

At the '72 Open, 0:58:44	0:58:46

Arnold Palmer made a hole in one. 0:58:46	0:58:49

I was just a boy, but it made an impact... 0:58:49	0:58:52

-Make it stop, Joey.

-Whoa! 0:58:52	0:58:55

There he goes, Pauly! 0:58:55	0:58:58

Hey! This can affect your membership! 0:58:58	0:59:01

There! 0:59:01	0:59:02

Speed golf - we skip holes three to six. 0:59:02	0:59:06

Hold on, guys! 0:59:06	0:59:08

We lost Pike! 0:59:14	0:59:16

Stop that cart! 0:59:20	0:59:22

Must be some more guys playing speed golf. 0:59:25	0:59:30

They're shootin' us! 0:59:32	0:59:34

Mr Pike! 0:59:34	0:59:36

All right? 0:59:36	0:59:37

My damn tooth's broken! 0:59:37	0:59:40

-He needs a dentist.

-You do it. 0:59:40	0:59:43

This is outta my area. I'd lose my licence. 0:59:43	0:59:46

You're the world-renowned dentist. I'll just watch. 0:59:46	0:59:50

Let a real dentist go to work. Step back! He could have a heart attack. 0:59:50	0:59:56

I've seen it before. Oh, this is bad. 0:59:56	1:00:00

-Say "Aaahh."

-Aaahh.

-This is bad. 1:00:00	1:00:02

-This man needs a Tic Tac.

-Do you think the tooth needs to come out? 1:00:02	1:00:07

-What do

-you

-think?

-I asked you.

-That's why I have papers published. 1:00:07	1:00:13

-70 last year, to be exact, cos...

-OK, I'll look at him. 1:00:13	1:00:17

-Mmm.

-Mmm. He has a date with the tooth fairy. 1:00:21	1:00:25

Horizontal fracture with a periapical infection, 1:00:25	1:00:30

and pulpal necrosis. 1:00:30	1:00:32

He needs a root amputation to avoid periodontal trauma. 1:00:32	1:00:36

I'd administer 7.2cc of xylocaine with epinephrine. 1:00:36	1:00:41

But... What do you think? 1:00:41	1:00:43

Let me see that, Doctor. 1:00:43	1:00:46

Yeah, OK. 1:00:48	1:00:50

That's better than tyin' a string to a doorknob and slammin' it shut. 1:00:50	1:00:55

-Yes, Brenda?

-Dr Timmerman, 1:00:59	1:01:01

you have a visitor. 1:01:01	1:01:04

Good. 1:01:04	1:01:06

I'll be right back. 1:01:06	1:01:09

You might wanna get washed up first. 1:01:11	1:01:14

Brenda, go! You're embarrassing me. 1:01:15	1:01:18

-Do your thing, Derek.

-Hey, Gary! 1:01:18	1:01:21

I'll clean up. 1:01:25	1:01:27

We want Franklin! We want Franklin! 1:01:34	1:01:37

Franklin's up! 1:01:37	1:01:39

Have I got a surprise for you! Dr Walter Kraft! 1:01:39	1:01:43

-Who?

-Pittsburgh Dental School. He's here with his class. 1:01:43	1:01:48

-Walter!

-He's gonna watch you. 1:01:48	1:01:51

-Great!

-When he heard you were here he came right over. 1:01:51	1:01:55

-Good.

-You do remember Walter? 1:01:55	1:01:58

-Kinda...

-He must've been teaching when you went through the programme. 1:01:58	1:02:03

-Teach... Oh!

-Brenda! 1:02:03	1:02:06

-I didn't need classes.

-Get some more anaesthetic, please! 1:02:06	1:02:10

No... Not now! 1:02:15	1:02:18

Nnngggh! 1:02:18	1:02:21

Shhh! 1:02:19	1:02:21

-Grrnnnngh!

-Would you shut up?! 1:02:21	1:02:24

-Here he is!

-He's ready. 1:02:26	1:02:29

Step in, everybody. 1:02:29	1:02:32

May I introduce to you Dr Derek Bond? 1:02:32	1:02:36

POLITE APPLAUSE 1:02:36	1:02:38

My brother. Wha's up? 1:02:38	1:02:41

Dr Kraft, here's your famous student. 1:02:41	1:02:45

Put on a little weight, eh? 1:02:47	1:02:51

Now that Dr Bond has anaesthetised the patient, 1:02:53	1:02:57

I will remove the maxillary right... 1:02:57	1:03:00

Could we see Dr Bond perform the procedure? 1:03:00	1:03:04

That's an excellent idea. 1:03:04	1:03:07

No, no, no. With all these malpractice suits runnin' around, 1:03:07	1:03:12

I get a headache just thinkin' about workin' in another state.... 1:03:12	1:03:17

-Come on!

-Stick your mitts in there. 1:03:17	1:03:20

There. 1:03:24	1:03:25

Well... Let's get to work. 1:03:25	1:03:27

All right. 1:03:32	1:03:33

I have small hands, so I developed the Derek Bond two-handed grip. 1:03:33	1:03:38

Always take your time. 1:03:38	1:03:41

Touch them to reassure that you're their friend. 1:03:41	1:03:45

I'm your friend. I'm your friend. 1:03:45	1:03:49

Hey, Derek! 1:03:51	1:03:54

Wow! 1:03:54	1:03:57

Oh, thank you... 1:03:55	1:03:57

Thank you. 1:03:57	1:03:59

-I want a list of members.

-Every member! 1:03:59	1:04:03

Nnnnggghh... 1:04:03	1:04:04

Gimme it! 1:04:04	1:04:07

This'll take us right to him. 1:04:07	1:04:09

When I was a kid, feeling down... 1:04:09	1:04:12

..I'd come down here with one of these, 1:04:12	1:04:16

and things wouldn't seem so bad any more. 1:04:16	1:04:20

There's a lot of opportunity in yoghurt. 1:04:20	1:04:23

Beaver Meadows won't affect Emily's Yoghurt Madness. 1:04:23	1:04:27

A little healthy competition. 1:04:27	1:04:30

Derek... 1:04:34	1:04:36

What about your diet? 1:04:36	1:04:39

Sometimes my weaknesses get the best of me. 1:04:39	1:04:43

Don't judge me for this. 1:04:43	1:04:49

Judge you? I'm glad you're not perfect. 1:04:44	1:04:49

It makes me feel better about myself. 1:04:49	1:04:52

You got fries? 1:04:52	1:04:55

Yeah. 1:04:53	1:04:55

-It'll be our little secret.

-Thank you, man. 1:04:55	1:04:58

It's funny how much simpler things seemed when we were kids. 1:04:58	1:05:03

-Those were the days, right?

-Right. 1:05:03	1:05:06

Cabin six. 1:05:06	1:05:08

Cabin six. 1:05:08	1:05:09

-# Oh, Mapleridge, oh, Mapleridge

-..Mapleridge... 1:05:09	1:05:14

-# We come to you each summer

-..Summer... 1:05:14	1:05:18

1:05:18	1:05:22
 * Oh, Mapleridge, oh, Mapleridge

-# Where all our friends are brothers

-Doo-bee-doo 1:05:22	1:05:26

-# We like to ride a horse or two

-Scooby-doo-bee 1:05:26	1:05:29

1:05:29	1:05:32
 * 1) Doo-bee-doo... #

Oh, man, I feel bad. 1:05:42	1:05:44

I mean, I invite you here, you make the trip, and now I have to work. 1:05:44	1:05:49

After 25 years of friendship? Come on, man, it can't affect us. 1:05:49	1:05:54

It's too deep, my brother. 1:05:54	1:05:57

You've been such a good sport about everything. 1:05:57	1:06:00

There's no place I'd rather be than here with you and your family. 1:06:00	1:06:06

Larry, I know you're there. Pick up the phone. 1:06:06	1:06:11

I'm talkin' to my imaginary friend Larry. 1:06:11	1:06:14

-Tea?

-Tea? Yes. 1:06:14	1:06:17

Oooh, these cups are so big! 1:06:17	1:06:20

OW! THAT'S COLD!! 1:06:20	1:06:22

-Sorry!

-Ow! 1:06:22	1:06:24

Ow! Ow! Ow! 1:06:24	1:06:26

Sarah, wait! Sarah! 1:06:26	1:06:29

Daddy, Derek's funny. 1:06:29	1:06:32

I'll see you guys at dinner. 1:06:32	1:06:34

-You were taking me to ballet.

-You were taking me to basketball. 1:06:34	1:06:39

-You said I could work.

-It's always me that takes off work. 1:06:39	1:06:44

What about that family solidarity day? You're making a huge effort(!) 1:06:44	1:06:49

-It's a competition?

-No, that's not it. 1:06:49	1:06:52

-Go, Dad.

-We can work this out. 1:06:52	1:06:54

-I'll dry this here.

-Derek? 1:06:54	1:06:57

-You wouldn't mind?

-Please, Derek! 1:06:57	1:07:01

No problem. I'll drive the car pool. I mean, how hard could that be? 1:07:01	1:07:06

OFF-KEY SINGING 1:07:06	1:07:09

Guys, that's my ear! 1:07:09	1:07:12

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS 1:07:12	1:07:14

Jason! Leave it on the soul station! 1:07:14	1:07:18

I said leave the radio alone, right? 1:07:18	1:07:21

We was there. 1:07:21	1:07:23

Uh-uh. 1:07:23	1:07:25

Sarah, stop! You're gonna make me have an accident! 1:07:25	1:07:29

Uh-oh. 1:07:29	1:07:30

Jason, time for a drivin' lesson. 1:07:30	1:07:33

Every young man should know how to drive. 1:07:33	1:07:37

The best part of bein' a kid. 1:07:37	1:07:39

-I'm 11.

-I'll drive. 1:07:39	1:07:42

-I can't reach the pedals.

-I'll do that. 1:07:42	1:07:45

-Scaredy-cat!

-The light's green. 1:07:45	1:07:48

OK. 1:07:48	1:07:50

Pauly! 1:07:50	1:07:51

Follow 'em! 1:07:51	1:07:54

Loosen up a little. Become one with the road. 1:07:56	1:08:00

Not that loose! 1:08:00	1:08:02

Get back on the road! 1:08:03	1:08:05

Caress the wheel like you would a woman. 1:08:09	1:08:12

-I never caressed a woman.

-What

-do

-you do?! 1:08:12	1:08:15

I play video games. 1:08:15	1:08:18

Come on, now! 1:08:18	1:08:20

You're losin' him! 1:08:26	1:08:28

Yellow light! 1:08:29	1:08:32

Red light! 1:08:32	1:08:34

Thanks. 1:08:36	1:08:38

Hi. 1:08:44	1:08:45

-Bunch of kids joyridin'.

-What's the world comin' to, Pauly? 1:08:46	1:08:51

Thank you, Mr Apistophilis. 1:08:51	1:08:54

Who? 1:08:54	1:08:55

Stupid! He's the most major philosophist alive today! 1:08:55	1:08:59

I'm gonna split. Got some change? 1:08:59	1:09:02

For a call, in case the car breaks down. 1:09:02	1:09:05

-But that won't happen.

-All right. See you later. 1:09:05	1:09:09

Hey, there's a pigeon. Check this out. 1:09:09	1:09:13

Can I get the ball? 1:09:13	1:09:16

Sorry. 1:09:16	1:09:17

Too late! 1:09:17	1:09:20

-Gimme the ball back!

-Jason. 1:09:22	1:09:24

Problem? 1:09:24	1:09:26

Has Mommy come to wipe your nose? 1:09:26	1:09:29

Pickin' on little dudes? You just bad! 1:09:29	1:09:32

Can I see the ball? He's so strong. 1:09:32	1:09:35

Hey, tough guys, 1:09:35	1:09:37

how about we play basketball, us against all five of you? 1:09:37	1:09:41

(JEERING) 1:09:41	1:09:43

I really, really suck. 1:09:43	1:09:45

You do not suck. Never say that. Basketball's a matter of confidence. 1:09:46	1:09:51

I've watched you. You have game. 1:09:51	1:09:54

Relax. Stick your tongue out like Michael Jordan. Whose house is this? 1:09:54	1:10:00

Say it like you mean it! 1:10:00	1:10:02

-My house!

-Whose ball is this?

-My ball! 1:10:02	1:10:06

Let's go. I play better with somethin' at stake. 1:10:06	1:10:10

If you guys win, we'll give you... 1:10:10	1:10:13

-..that red Volvo over there.

-But... 1:10:13	1:10:16

It's all right. 1:10:16	1:10:17

If we win, we get...your clothes. 1:10:17	1:10:20

Our clothes? 1:10:20	1:10:26

He's the genius. Let's make it, take it - if we score, we keep it. 1:10:21	1:10:26

Check. We're ready. 1:10:26	1:10:28

-There it is!

-The Mailman! 1:10:28	1:10:31

Yes! 1:10:32	1:10:33

Four? 1:10:41	1:10:42

In your face, porker! 1:10:47	1:10:50

Sky! 1:10:53	1:10:55

Yes! 1:10:57	1:11:03

You did good. If you work hard, you might play with the Chicago Bulls. 1:10:58	1:11:03

-Really?

-Mmm. 1:11:03	1:11:05

-Can we have our clothes back?

-Best outta three? 1:11:05	1:11:09

-Nah.

-Nah. 1:11:10	1:11:11

I threw that pass... 1:11:11	1:11:14

Gary, Beaver Meadows is going into yoghurt. 1:11:26	1:11:29

Wow. 1:11:29	1:11:31

And your firm is going to represent them. 1:11:31	1:11:35

-I didn't know.

-Who's assigned to it?

-Jerry? 1:11:35	1:11:38

-Yeah, Jerry.

-Your best friend? 1:11:38	1:11:41

-Wouldn't he have called me?

-PHONE RINGS 1:11:41	1:11:44

-The last thing Edgar Allen Poe ate was broccoli.

-Then don't eat it. 1:11:44	1:11:49

I can't believe Jerry would do that to us. 1:11:49	1:11:53

Derek taught me how to drive today. 1:11:53	1:11:56

-Left turns are tough at 50.

-Well... 1:11:56	1:11:59

Derek, it's Larry from the tattoo parlour. 1:11:59	1:12:02

Cool. 1:12:02	1:12:04

Oh, um... The cat's out the bag. 1:12:06	1:12:08

It was gonna be a gift to my hosts. I can't believe he just called. 1:12:08	1:12:14

'Larry from the tattoo parlour?!' 1:12:14	1:12:17

I been tryin' to call you all day! 1:12:17	1:12:19

You put me on your loan request! 1:12:19	1:12:22

Larry... Sorry, man. I'm under pressure. 1:12:22	1:12:25

-I got customers!

-Come and pick me up. 1:12:25	1:12:29

I'm turnin' into Mary Poppins here. 1:12:29	1:12:32

-My God!

-Larry, you there? 1:12:34	1:12:36

-We gotta talk!

-Yes. No problem. 1:12:36	1:12:39

-9:30 tonight.

-Where?

-Micky-D's.	1:12:39	1:12:42

-Which one?

-The only one. This is Leave-It-To-Beaver land. 1:12:42	1:12:46

Everything all right? 1:12:46	1:12:47

-Hurry? You don't tell

-me

-to hurry! I tell

-you

-to hurry! 1:12:47	1:12:52

-This

-is a Harley. What the hell is

-this?! 1:12:52	1:12:56

It's...a Harley... 1:12:56	1:12:59

..European style? 1:12:59	1:13:02

You really don't need to give us anything. 1:13:02	1:13:06

Derek, about Emily and this Beaver Meadows thing - 1:13:06	1:13:10

I want you to know that in 18 years of marriage I never lied to my wife. 1:13:10	1:13:15

-You don't listen, Mom!

-Honey, wait! Time out. 1:13:15	1:13:19

You know, right before Anne Sexton killed herself, 1:13:19	1:13:23

her daughter promised to put Rats Live On No Evil Star on her grave. 1:13:23	1:13:28

That's a major thing to ask. 1:13:28	1:13:32

They must've had an amazing mother- daughter connection. Not like us! 1:13:32	1:13:37

What did you say? 1:13:37	1:13:40

Nothing. I didn't say anything. 1:13:40	1:13:43

I'm her mother, so I'm the enemy. 1:13:43	1:13:45

SHE SIGHS 1:13:45	1:13:47

Derek? 1:13:47	1:13:48

You seem to have such a connection with her. 1:13:48	1:13:53

Maybe you could talk to her. 1:13:53	1:13:58

Yeah, no problem. Sure. 1:13:55	1:13:58

1:13:58	1:14:01
 * 1) Feel the pain of everyone... #

Mind if I turn this down? 1:14:05	1:14:08

Hey. 1:14:08	1:14:10

Can I talk to you for a second? Oh! 1:14:10	1:14:13

Man! 1:14:13	1:14:14

I mean, what could be so wrong, OK? 1:14:14	1:14:18

You got this beautiful room here. 1:14:18	1:14:21

So bright and airy. You got great pictures of dead guys on the wall, 1:14:21	1:14:26

things I don't understand that you wrote... 1:14:26	1:14:29

Oh, and decapitated Barbie dolls. 1:14:29	1:14:32

You can't get much better than this, right? 1:14:32	1:14:35

Well... I'm sorry. I shouldn't joke. 1:14:39	1:14:42

Did I say somethin' wrong? 1:14:42	1:14:44

No, it's my dad and mom... 1:14:44	1:14:47

And Steve doesn't love me any more. 1:14:47	1:14:50

Steve. Are you sure? 1:14:50	1:14:53

Yes! He's been hanging in town every day with Kelly Friedlander. 1:14:53	1:14:58

And she's a lot prettier than me. 1:14:58	1:15:01

And you know, Derek... it just, it really hurts. 1:15:01	1:15:05

Come here. Listen to me, OK? 1:15:05	1:15:07

I can't see any woman bein' finer than you. 1:15:07	1:15:11

You're beautiful. You're just with the wrong guy. 1:15:11	1:15:15

None of the women I know would put up with his mess. 1:15:15	1:15:19

No?	1:15:19	1:15:20

Oh, no, no, no. No way. No how. "See ya." 1:15:20	1:15:24

Look, maybe you could just kill him for me. 1:15:25	1:15:28

You're playin', right? 1:15:28	1:15:31

You're playin' right? 1:15:31	1:15:34

Look, this guy is a slime-bag, and you know that. 1:15:35	1:15:39

A lot of guys would like to date you. 1:15:39	1:15:42

And there's guys you're interested in. I know there's a guy somewhere. 1:15:42	1:15:47

There's Charles... 1:15:47	1:15:49

I knew you had some guy in your pocket. 1:15:49	1:15:52

Tell me about Charles. 1:15:52	1:15:57

Charles Baudelaire? Poet of moral decay. 1:15:54	1:15:57

He would definitely understand me. 1:15:57	1:16:00

Look, you gotta get over this thing for dead guys. 1:16:00	1:16:04

Why don't we try some live guys? Charles Barkley. 1:16:04	1:16:08

He's like a poet. Seen his commercial? 1:16:08	1:16:11

We'll work on that dead-guy thing. 1:16:11	1:16:14

We'll get you to movies with guys that're breathin'. 1:16:14	1:16:18

And we'll get you some pastels. 1:16:18	1:16:21

There you go - meditation music. 1:16:21	1:16:23

You're gonna be all right, OK? 1:16:23	1:16:26

Remember - live guys. Breathin'. 1:16:26	1:16:30

(LAUGHS) 1:16:30	1:16:31

I'm so glad to be leavin' this place, man. 1:16:34	1:16:38

It don't make no sense, man. Flowers on the wall, like a child's room. 1:16:38	1:16:43

Take all day to make up this bed. 1:16:43	1:16:46

I'm glad I'm goin'. Little midget bed. 1:16:46	1:16:49

Why do I buy these things? 1:16:49	1:16:52

Big spin. Big spin. 1:16:53	1:16:57

Big spin. 1:16:58	1:17:00

Big spin... 1:17:00	1:17:02

YES! YES! 1:17:03	1:17:06

Oh, yes! I'm gonna be on TV! 1:17:06	1:17:09

Kevin Franklin in the house! I'm in the house! 1:17:09	1:17:12

-This is the way we...

-Buddy? 1:17:12	1:17:15

..loosen up...! 1:17:15	1:17:18

Jason threw a basketball at my face. 1:17:18	1:17:21

-Some sort of bounce pass, or "checking"...

-He's workin' his game. 1:17:21	1:17:26

Who's Kevin Franklin? You said he's in the house. 1:17:26	1:17:30

You busted me. 1:17:30	1:17:33

Kevin Franklin is a millionaire 1:17:33	1:17:35

and I often fantasise about being him. 1:17:35	1:17:39

I often pretend to be other people. You do that, don't you? 1:17:39	1:17:43

Well, yes, actually, I have. 1:17:43	1:17:46

I often fantasise about being Matlock. 1:17:46	1:17:50

There you go! 1:17:50	1:17:56

The thing I admire most about you is your honesty and openness. 1:17:51	1:17:56

The things you've shared with me. 1:17:56	1:17:58

You've made me a better person. 1:17:58	1:18:01

Thank you. 1:18:01	1:18:02

Thank YOU. 1:18:02	1:18:05

Get him! Get him! 1:18:07	1:18:10

Get him! Get him! 1:18:11	1:18:13

-Knock.

-Just say please once!

-Please.

-Thank you. 1:18:13	1:18:17

You pain! 1:18:17	1:18:18

Oh... Hello, little girl. Is there a tall black man named Kevin here? 1:18:23	1:18:29

-No!

-Please... 1:18:29	1:18:31

-Ow!

-Got your fingers there, Pauly? 1:18:31	1:18:34

Run for your life! Smashed him! 1:18:34	1:18:37

-What is it now?!

-Where is he? 1:18:37	1:18:40

Nobody does that to my brother Pauly. 1:18:40	1:18:44

Bad men! Mommy says you shouldn't play with guns. 1:18:44	1:18:48

-Aaaargh!

-Aaaargh! 1:18:48	1:18:52

Whoa! 1:18:52	1:18:54

I'm dead, Pauly! 1:18:54	1:18:56

We got a snapper, Joey! 1:18:56	1:18:59

It's a ratmuller! 1:18:59	1:19:01

-Woof! Woof!

-Aaaagh!

-Aaaagh! 1:19:01	1:19:05

OK, tell 'em goodbye. 1:19:05	1:19:08

Whooooo! Your mommy's right - you should never play with guns. 1:19:08	1:19:14

-I'll get rid of it.

-Derek, is your real name Kevin? 1:19:14	1:19:17

Hold that thought, OK? 1:19:17	1:19:20

GUN GOES OFF INSIDE 1:19:27	1:19:30

Watch TV! 1:19:30	1:19:33

What was that? 1:19:33	1:19:38

Two bad men came to the door, and I took their gun. 1:19:34	1:19:38

It was on the cartoon. It's so real! 1:19:38	1:19:41

Oh, I see! 1:19:41	1:19:43

-Move!

-What? 1:19:43	1:19:45

-I'm goin' for a night jog.

-Are you coming back? 1:19:47	1:19:51

-Kevin?

-Huh? 1:19:51	1:19:54

I'm really good at keeping secrets. 1:19:54	1:19:56

-Woof! Woof!

-Good dog, Carl! 1:19:59	1:20:02

What happened to your eye, Larry? 1:20:07	1:20:10

Lemme see that. What happened to you? 1:20:10	1:20:14

Some people don't appreciate art. 1:20:14	1:20:18

I guess not! 1:20:15	1:20:18

So... Where you wants me to drive, Miss Daisy? 1:20:18	1:20:22

Real funny, man. Just drive. 1:20:22	1:20:24

-I'm just tryin' to help.

-Yeah, right. 1:20:24	1:20:28

Friendship is about give and take, but all you do is take, take, take! 1:20:28	1:20:33

Where'd you get the shoes? They're nice. 1:20:33	1:20:37

Yeah. 1:20:37	1:20:38

Yeah... 1:20:38	1:20:40

Stop the car, man. Stop the car! 1:20:43	1:20:46

-Stop the car now!

-OK! 1:20:46	1:20:49

This makes sense now. Poseidon was an orphan too. 1:20:49	1:20:53

Can we go now? 1:20:53	1:20:55

Do you know the only difference between him and me? 1:20:55	1:21:00

He's Greek, he's white and he's a god. 1:21:00	1:21:03

He never passed himself off as someone he wasn't.	1:21:03	1:21:07

Remarkable insight! Now can we go? 1:21:07	1:21:10

He never let folks down. 1:21:10	1:21:16

If those Italians come again, I don't know you. 1:21:11	1:21:16

I got to go back, man. 1:21:16	1:21:18

What?! Why?! 1:21:18	1:21:20

He's in trouble. I'm his oldest friend. 1:21:20	1:21:23

You're PRETENDIN' to be his oldest friend! 1:21:23	1:21:26

He's still in trouble. And his daughter's messed up. 1:21:26	1:21:30

-So?

-I lied to a child. I said I'd be back. You can mess a kid up, man. 1:21:30	1:21:36

Gimme the keys. 1:21:36	1:21:38

Kevin! 1:21:38	1:21:39

Kevin! You lie to everybody, man. 1:21:39	1:21:42

I've compromised myself as an artist and risked my life! 1:21:42	1:21:46

And this is how you pay me back! 1:21:46	1:21:49

Hey, brother, forget it. If you see me on the street, keep steppin'! 1:21:49	1:21:55

You don't get it, do you? 1:21:55	1:22:02

No! Why don't you tell me why the hell you're goin' back? 1:21:57	1:22:02

You said it yourself - all I've ever done is take. 1:22:02	1:22:06

Kevin needs this and this. Kevin gonna make a million dollars. 1:22:06	1:22:11

I thought if I made money, it would change how people thought about me. 1:22:11	1:22:16

Well, I was wrong, man. I learned somethin' here about friendship. 1:22:16	1:22:21

About our friendship. About the friendship I made with that family. 1:22:21	1:22:26

That's why I have to go back, Larry. 1:22:26	1:22:30

-I'll call you.

-All right. 1:22:30	1:22:32

Friendships are about give and take, about compromise. 1:22:32	1:22:37

We enjoy a meal together like men are supposed to do. 1:22:37	1:22:41

We both chase women, but dogs don't even have to ask permission. 1:22:41	1:22:45

You just run 'em down and she's yours. Want some cake? 1:22:45	1:22:50

Thank you for coming in on a holiday like this. 1:22:50	1:22:54

I hope it wasn't an imposition. 1:22:54	1:22:59

No, it's... 1:22:56	1:22:59

There are faxes from your clipping service. 1:22:59	1:23:03

Ah! 1:23:03	1:23:04

HE WHISTLES 1:23:09	1:23:10

Wha's up?! ST3½! How you doin'? 1:23:26	1:23:29

Wha's up, kid?! 1:23:29	1:23:31

I been lookin' for ya! This your woman? 1:23:31	1:23:34

-This is Kelly.

-Yeah, you kinda phat.

-Hi.

-Yo. 1:23:34	1:23:38

-She know what I'm talkin' about?

-She ain't up. Not all of us are on. 1:23:38	1:23:43

-Wanna regulate?

-Regulate?

-Find some new hizzunies. 1:23:43	1:23:47

Lemme just deal with the thingy-thing. 1:23:47	1:23:51

Me and my boy gonna take a cruise. This cheek. 1:23:53	1:23:57

-Nice ride!

-Word up! 1:23:58	1:24:00

-I wanna talk.

-Wha's up, yo? 1:24:00	1:24:03

-About women.

-Sookie! 1:24:03	1:24:05

Check this out. 1:24:05	1:24:08

Chill, B!	1:24:08	1:24:10

Say you're eatin' a chicken dinner - Brooke. 1:24:10	1:24:14

There's a truck, man! It's a truck! 1:24:14	1:24:17

Aaaaaagh! 1:24:17	1:24:19

Yo, B, we're on the train tracks, yo! 1:24:21	1:24:24

-These country roads all look the same. Where was I?

-Chicken! 1:24:24	1:24:29

Say you're gonna make a gourmet meal. You've got some golden bird. 1:24:29	1:24:34

Free-range, no chemicals. It's a bad bird. 1:24:34	1:24:37

You smell it, so you can't wait. 1:24:37	1:24:41

So you go get yourself some Chicken McNuggets. 1:24:41	1:24:45

If you're hungry we'll go to Mickey-D's!	1:24:45	1:24:48

You missed the whole point here. 1:24:48	1:24:51

-We're doin' 50! I can't feel it.

-I can! 1:24:51	1:24:54

-Cos your body's young.

-I have a very young butt! 1:24:54	1:24:58

< TRAIN WHISTLE 1:24:58	1:25:00

There's a train! 1:25:00	1:25:02

THERE'S A TRAIN COMIN', B!	1:25:02	1:25:05

WHISTLE BLASTS 1:25:05	1:25:07

Train! 1:25:07	1:25:09

-I need my glasses.

-There is a train! 1:25:09	1:25:12

-Train!

-Brooke's that gourmet meal. 1:25:12	1:25:15

She thinks she's the only dish you have. 1:25:15	1:25:19

And you're goin' out with a Chicken McNugget. 1:25:19	1:25:22

Kelly's a greasy nugget! 1:25:22	1:25:25

It's unhealthy! 1:25:25	1:25:27

I'm gonna stop and look. This is some beautiful country. 1:25:27	1:25:32

-Where are you going?

-We need to talk. 1:25:32	1:25:35

-I could maybe teach you somethin'. How old are you, man?

-16, sir.	1:25:35	1:25:41

You have ragin' hormones. You wanna be a man. 1:25:41	1:25:45

-A man spends his life beggin'.

-I'm begging for my keys! 1:25:45	1:25:49

Don't beg me, beg your woman. 1:25:49	1:25:52

-I will!

-For forgiveness.

-I will beg for forgiveness! 1:25:52	1:25:56

Aaaaaa-aa-aaagh! 1:25:56	1:25:59

You didn't have to worry about the train. 1:25:59	1:26:02

You're not from the 'hood, OK? Be yourself. Shall I drive or you? 1:26:02	1:26:07

I'll drive. You look shook-up. 1:26:07	1:26:10

How do I get back to town? This is a bumpy road, man. 1:26:10	1:26:14

JAPANESE VOICES SHOUT 1:26:17	1:26:20

Wha's up? I'm lookin' for Gary Young. 1:26:24	1:26:27

In the stacks. The only one here. 1:26:27	1:26:30

Gary? 1:26:30	1:26:32

1:26:32	1:26:34
 * 1) She's a brick haaaaooowse

1:26:34	1:26:38
 * 1) Mighty mighty Lettin' it all hang out

1:26:38	1:26:42
 * 1) She's a brick haaaooowse... #

Hey, Gary? 1:26:42	1:26:44

-What're you doing here?

-I need to talk to you. 1:26:44	1:26:48

You're messin' up big-time. 1:26:48	1:26:51

-What?

-Jason thinks he'll fail you if he's not another Michael Jordan. 1:26:51	1:26:56

Brooke hangs out in graveyards like a vampire. 1:26:56	1:27:00

They want you to say you love 'em. 1:27:00	1:27:03

When Emily hears you're representin' Beaver Meadows, 1:27:03	1:27:07

you'll be in the dog-house big-time. 1:27:07	1:27:10

She'll understand. I don't have a helluva lot of choice. 1:27:10	1:27:15

Gary, please, quit lyin' to yourself. 1:27:15	1:27:18

You're just sellin' your wife down the river. 1:27:18	1:27:22

I promised Mr Pike. 1:27:22	1:27:27

If you turn it down, he'll fire you? 1:27:24	1:27:27

Probably. 1:27:27	1:27:28

OK... You have less income. You'll still be rich cos of your family. 1:27:28	1:27:34

You'll be rich in love. 1:27:34	1:27:38

-Natural ingredients...

-Mr Pike! 1:27:53	1:27:55

Mother and I were checking out the competition. 1:27:55	1:27:59

Jerry, my boy, hand me a napkin. 1:27:59	1:28:03

Hey! 1:28:03	1:28:04

It's Gary, not "Little boy". 1:28:04	1:28:06

Seven long years ago, 1:28:06	1:28:08

you duped me into believing I had a future at your firm. 1:28:08	1:28:13

But you'd never make me a partner! 1:28:13	1:28:16

Oh, and did I mention that you're a bigot, 1:28:16	1:28:20

and a back-stabbing buffoon? 1:28:20	1:28:22

Whoooo! Yes! 1:28:22	1:28:24

If you'll excuse me, I have a loving wife to whom I owe an apology. 1:28:24	1:28:30

Gary, this isn't like you! 1:28:30	1:28:33

-I know.

-Come on, Mother. Let's go home. 1:28:33	1:28:37

Gary... 1:28:37	1:28:38

I have been such a... Well, the word "jerk" springs to mind. 1:28:38	1:28:43

I think I was picking on you because... 1:28:43	1:28:46

..I felt threatened by your success. 1:28:46	1:28:49

Gary... 1:28:49	1:28:50

Can you forgive me? 1:28:50	1:28:53

Of course. 1:28:53	1:28:54

But, honey... you just quit your job. 1:28:54	1:28:59

Well, I'm applying for a new one. 1:28:59	1:29:01

-Where?

-Emily's Yoghurt Madness - 1:29:01	1:29:04

-fastest growing chain in the area.

-Why do you think they'd hire you? 1:29:04	1:29:09

I'll take my chances, cos you're a brick haaaaooowse! 1:29:09	1:29:14

You might have soul after all! 1:29:14	1:29:19

Come here. 1:29:16	1:29:19

Ohhh! 1:29:19	1:29:21

Ohhh! 1:29:22	1:29:23

-Sucking up to the new boss, huh?

-Old habits die hard. 1:29:34	1:29:38

-I'm not the good friend I seem.

-No, you're better. 1:29:38	1:29:42

-No, seriously...

-Don't go all mushy on us. 1:29:42	1:29:45

Look at Jason's skateboard! 1:29:45	1:29:48

Gary... 1:29:48	1:29:50

-Jason!

-Gary... 1:29:53	1:29:55

Oh, God! 1:29:55	1:29:57

I don't care if you grow up to be a star basketball player, 1:29:57	1:30:02

as long as you grow up happy. 1:30:02	1:30:05

Dad! 1:30:05	1:30:06

What do you want? 1:30:06	1:30:09

Oh, Carl! 1:30:09	1:30:10

Three beautiful kids. Don't even try to run. 1:30:10	1:30:14

This guy is a pain in the neck. 1:30:14	1:30:17

Please stop these hostile and anti-social tough-guy antics. 1:30:17	1:30:21

See what I'm sayin'? 1:30:21	1:30:24

-You're Kevin Franklin.

-Derek Bond DDS. 1:30:24	1:30:27

-Who's Derek Bond DDS?

-He is. Derek Bond DDS! 1:30:27	1:30:30

-No, he's not!

-Yes, he is! 1:30:30	1:30:33

-He says he's Derek.

-He's an alien. He talks too much. 1:30:33	1:30:37

I am Derek Bond DDS. 1:30:37	1:30:40

I strongly suggest you lower that damnable weapon! 1:30:40	1:30:44

Joey, I gotta do it! 1:30:44	1:30:46

-Gary...

-Wait. If you're Derek Bond, 1:30:46	1:30:50

then sing the Camp Mapleridge song. 1:30:50	1:30:53

-Yeah!

-That was 25 years ago! 1:30:53	1:30:56

Uh-huh! 1:30:56	1:30:57

1:30:57	1:31:00
 * Oh, Mapleridge, oh, Mapleridge,

1:31:00	1:31:03
 * 1) We come to you each summer... #

-Honey...

-# Oh, Mapleridge... #	1:31:03	1:31:06

-Honey...

-# Where all... #	1:31:06	1:31:08

GUNSHOT 1:31:08	1:31:09

This is asinine! 1:31:10	1:31:13

-He's an imposter.

-At last - someone with sense. 1:31:13	1:31:16

I checked the dental registry, 1:31:16	1:31:20

and the photo of Derek Bond DDS shows a much uglier man. 1:31:20	1:31:25

You! 1:31:25	1:31:26

A great pleasure to meet the real you at last. 1:31:26	1:31:30

Ah. Well, gotta run. 1:31:30	1:31:33

-Uh-uh.

-Gotta run.

-Here, pal. 1:31:33	1:31:36

Franklin, let's go. 1:31:36	1:31:38

Wait. 1:31:38	1:31:40

Are you Kevin Whatshisname? 1:31:40	1:31:42

Yes. 1:31:42	1:31:44

I'm Kevin Franklin. 1:31:44	1:31:47

You lied to us? 1:31:49	1:31:52

We invited you into our home. We trusted you with our kids! 1:31:52	1:31:58

We... We played golf together! 1:31:58	1:32:01

And you lied to us. 1:32:01	1:32:03

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or your family. 1:32:05	1:32:09

I appreciate everything you've done for me. 1:32:09	1:32:13

All right! All right! 1:32:13	1:32:15

Enough sentiment! He lied to you. Big deal. Just...just forget it. 1:32:15	1:32:20

You're makin' me nuts! 1:32:20	1:32:22

Grab Franklin and let's go. 1:32:22	1:32:25

And, if I was you... 1:32:25	1:32:27

-"Were" you.

-What?

-The subjunctive. "If I WERE you."

-I'm gonna kill him. 1:32:27	1:32:32

Brooke! Brooke! 1:32:32	1:32:35

Listen. 1:32:35	1:32:36

I've done a lot of things wrong and I apologise. 1:32:36	1:32:41

I treated you really bad and yucky. 1:32:41	1:32:44

I am begging you. There it is! 1:32:44	1:32:47

I'm begging you, a'ight?! I mean, all right? 1:32:47	1:32:51

Do you forgive me? 1:32:51	1:32:55

No way, no how. See ya. 1:32:53	1:32:55

No way, no how. See ya. 1:32:55	1:32:58

OK, Romeo, you're breakin' my heart. 1:32:58	1:33:01

What's going on here? 1:33:01	1:33:04

-I'll miss you.

-I'll miss you too. 1:33:04	1:33:07

Beat it, kid. 1:33:07	1:33:09

I appreciate all you've done. Bye, guys. 1:33:09	1:33:12

Come on! My legs are killin' me. 1:33:12	1:33:15

Well... 1:33:15	1:33:17

You know, I haven't had a milkshake in three weeks. 1:33:17	1:33:21

I'll run in this race if it kills me. 1:33:21	1:33:26

Is the back door open? 1:33:28	1:33:30

Let's go! 1:33:30	1:33:32

< Get in the back. 1:33:32	1:33:34

Get in! 1:33:34	1:33:35

He really wasn't such a bad guy. 1:33:35	1:33:38

-He understood me.

-He taught me the balance pass. 1:33:38	1:33:42

He watched cartoons with me. He made me stand up to my boss. 1:33:42	1:33:46

You! 1:33:46	1:33:48

Don't look at ME! I'm not a two-bit criminal into the mob for 50,000. 1:33:48	1:33:53

50 grand? That's all that's between my oldest friend and his life? 1:33:53	1:33:59

Franklin is your oldest friend? 1:33:59	1:34:02

That man bamboozled you. 1:34:02	1:34:04

He had good reason. I'm not a worm, dammit. 1:34:04	1:34:08

No-one attacks my friend. I'm going after him. 1:34:08	1:34:11

-JASON: I'm going too!

-BROOKE: Me too, Daddy! 1:34:11	1:34:16

TYRES SCREECH 1:34:21	1:34:23

-Hey, Pauly. Pauly!

-What, Joey? 1:34:28	1:34:32

POLICEMAN: You can't go there! 1:34:32	1:34:34

-You can't turn there.

-Why not tell me before?! 1:34:34	1:34:38

-You never listen.

-Shut up! 1:34:38	1:34:41

TYRES SCREECH 1:34:41	1:34:42

I gotta get through! After the race. 1:34:42	1:34:45

Hey, you can't leave your car here! 1:34:45	1:34:49

ANNOUNCER: Runners, to your marks. 1:34:52	1:34:55

Race time in five minutes! 1:34:55	1:34:58

Five minutes to race time! 1:34:58	1:35:01

Shoot him. 1:35:01	1:35:07

Yeah, Pauly, but not here, cos it'd be all messy. 1:35:02	1:35:07

We'll go to a car wash! Shoot him! 1:35:07	1:35:10

All right, proud runners of Sewickley, you are off! 1:35:12	1:35:16

STARTER GUN FIRES 1:35:16	1:35:19

-What was that?

-We lost him again. 1:35:19	1:35:22

Sorry! Heh heh heh. 1:35:26	1:35:28

Come on, buddy. 1:35:28	1:35:30

Get 'em! 1:35:35	1:35:42

You need a number! Go get 'em! 1:35:38	1:35:42

TYRES SCREECH 1:35:42	1:35:44

There they are. This way. 1:35:46	1:35:49

Hey! 1:35:50	1:35:51

-Come on, let's go.

-Course violation! 1:35:51	1:35:55

Come on! 1:35:57	1:35:59

There! 1:36:00	1:36:02

-I got cramp!

-I know what you need. 1:36:03	1:36:07

I know these people. 1:36:13	1:36:16

In here. These people are friends of mine, so we'll just mingle. 1:36:16	1:36:21

Let's get some chicken. 1:36:21	1:36:24

You were running away. You stumbled on us. 1:36:26	1:36:30

You ended up helping us more than we helped you. 1:36:30	1:36:33

So come on. There's gotta be some way out of this. 1:36:33	1:36:37

Well...there's one way. 1:36:38	1:36:42

What? 1:36:41	1:36:42

Oh, it's pretty. Oooh, look, barbecue! 1:36:42	1:36:46

This ticket could be worth a million dollars. 1:36:46	1:36:49

Hello, girls. ..There he is! 1:36:49	1:36:52

For Christ's sake! Gary Young! 1:36:56	1:37:00

You cheater! 1:37:00	1:37:01

What's another 950,000? 1:37:01	1:37:04

You're still a rich man because of your incredible friends, 1:37:04	1:37:10

and your family - the Youngs. You're rich in love. 1:37:10	1:37:13

In a show of good sportsmanship, 1:37:13	1:37:16

the winners are Gary Young and Derek Bond! 1:37:16	1:37:20

Are you blind?! 1:37:20	1:37:22

When I'm through with you you'll be quivering on the highway. 1:37:22	1:37:27

Pauly! 1:37:31	1:37:32

Happy, I got him right here! 1:37:32	1:37:35

-He put me on hold!

-Stick 'em up! 1:37:35	1:37:38

Not you! In the car. 1:37:38	1:37:41

Kevin! Kevin. 1:37:41	1:37:44

-I might have something you'd be interested...

-Not interested. 1:37:44	1:37:48

-A lottery ticket.

-Lotto Schmotto!

-Lotto? Get it! 1:37:48	1:37:53

Lemme see. Happy, you're gonna be very happy. Extremely happy, Happy. 1:37:53	1:37:58

Whoooo! 1:38:08	1:38:10

Right! 1:38:10	1:38:11

Brand new car, same old driver. You almost totalled this car. 1:38:11	1:38:16

-That's how a Porsche parks.

-Yeah. 1:38:16	1:38:19

Hey, hey! 1:38:19	1:38:20

-This paid for the car?

-Success has advantages. 1:38:23	1:38:27

-This is a great house.

-Respect for this house, OK? 1:38:27	1:38:31

Merry Christmas, everybody! 1:38:31	1:38:33

Barnes and Noble has been sold out of this for weeks. 1:38:33	1:38:38

Tellin' those stories again? 1:38:38	1:38:40

The whole book thing was my idea. 1:38:40	1:38:42

-It's A Wonderful Life on again?

-The Big Spin. 1:38:42	1:38:46

-Three dumb guys could win a million.

-America's wonderful! 1:38:46	1:38:50

'Pauly and Joey Gasperini. 1:38:50	1:38:54

'Where it stops, nobody knows.' 1:38:54	1:38:56

No!	1:38:56	1:38:58

No! No!	1:38:58	1:39:01

'Coming down...' 1:39:01	1:39:03

"A million dollars!" 1:39:07	1:39:09

'You jinxed me!' 1:39:13	1:39:18

Yes! Yes! Yes! 1:39:15	1:39:18

The greatest game in the world! 1:39:18	1:39:21

-Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas. 1:39:22	1:39:25

CARL BELCHES 1:39:28	1:39:30

Er... 1:39:30	1:39:32

This stuff is awfully heavy. 1:39:32	1:39:34

Let's get some grub. 1:39:34	1:39:37

1:39:37	1:39:41
 * 1) We wish you a chilliburger

1:39:41	1:39:44
 * 1) We wish you a chilliburger and mug of cold beer. #

1:39:44	1:39:47
 * 1) Load the grill with fatty meat

1:39:47	1:39:50
 * 1) Put it on a bun and eat, eat, eat

1:39:50	1:39:53
 * 1) French fries, the brown-skinned vegetable

1:39:53	1:39:56
 * 1) Cooked in a lot of grease

1:39:56	1:39:58
 * 1) All of the other nuggets

1:39:58	1:40:02
 * 1) Wished that they could be red meat

1:40:02	1:40:04
 * 1) Five onion rings

1:40:04	1:40:07
 * 1) Four dill pickles Three chocolate shakes

1:40:07	1:40:10
 * 1) Two apple pies

1:40:10	1:40:14
 * 1) And one big fat cheeseburger! #

Yeah! 1:40:14	1:40:15

1:40:15	1:40:19
 * 1) Patty melt, patty melt patty melt on rye

1:40:19	1:40:24
 * Oh, what fun it is to scarf A great big plate of fries

1:40:24	1:40:28
 * 1) Chilli cheese, chilli cheese Chilli cheese on top

1:40:28	1:40:32
 * 1) Shove it down, eat it all Chow until you pop

1:40:32	1:40:36
 * 1) Cook it on the grill With a great big slab of Swiss

1:40:36	1:40:40
 * 1) Put it in a bun Oh, what happiness!

1:40:40	1:40:44
 * 1) Cheeseburger, cheeseburger burger all the way

1:40:44	1:40:49
 * Oh, what fun it is to munch a cheeseburger today

1:40:50	1:40:53
 * 1) The first milkshake

1:40:53	1:40:56
 * 1) Was a creamy delight

1:40:56	1:40:59
 * 1) We sucked it down so fast

1:40:59	1:41:02
 * 1) That we burped it up all night

1:41:04	1:41:09
 * 1) Load the grill with fatty meat Cook it real fast and eat, eat, eat

1:41:09	1:41:14
 * 1) Pile on bacon and blue cheese Bag the diet and cheat, cheat, cheat

-# You'll be buyin' bigger jeans

-Already got 'em, oversize 1:41:14	1:41:17

1:41:17	1:41:22
 * 1) We don't care if we get fatter Gimme one more piece of apple pie

1:41:22	1:41:26
 * 1) Drop the fries in a deep-fat fryer La la la la-la, la la la lard

1:41:26	1:41:30
 * 1) Watch the sizzle crisp and bubble La la la la-la, la la la lard

-# You'll be buyin' bigger jeans

-Already got 'em, oversize 1:41:30	1:41:34

1:41:34	1:41:39
 * 1) We don't care if we get fatter Gimme one more piece of apple pie. #