The Wizard of Oz

She isn't coming yet, Toto, Did she hurt you? She tried to, didn't she? Come on, We'll go tell Uncle Henry and Auntie Em, Aunt Em! Aunt Em! Aunt Em, just listen to what Miss Gulch did to Toto! -Dorothy, please! We're trying to count! -But she hit him-- Don't bother us now, honey, This old incubator's gone bad... ...and we're likely to lose a lot of our chicks, The poor little things, Miss Gulch hit Toto on the back with a rake just because she says... ...he gets in her garden and chases her nasty old cat every day! Dorothy, please! But he doesn't do it every day, just once or twice a week, He can't catch her old cat, anyway! And now she says she's going to-- Dorothy! We're busy! All right, How's she coming? Take it easy, You got my finger! Why don't you get your finger out of the way? There you are. -Right on my finger! -It's a lucky thing it wasn't your head, Zeke, what am I going to do about Miss Gulch? -just because Toto chases her old cat-- -Listen, honey, I got them hogs to get in, Dorothy, you ain't using your head about Miss Gulch, -You'd think you didn't have any brains, -I have so got brains! Why don't you use them? When you come home don't go by her place... ...then Toto won't get in her garden and you won't get in no trouble, Hunk, you just won't listen, that's all, Well, your head ain't made of straw, you know, Get in there before I make a dimebank out of you! Listen, kid.... Are you going to let that old Gulch heifer try and buffalo you? She ain't nothing to be afraid of, Have a little courage, that's all, I'm not afraid of her. The next time she squawks, walk up to her and spit in her eye, That's what I'd do! Zeke, get me out of here! Help! Are you all right, Dorothy? Yes, I'm all right, I fell in and Zeke.... Why, Zeke, you're just as scared as I am! You gonna let a little old pig make a coward out of you? Look at you, Zeke-- What's all this jabber-wapping when there's work to be done? I know three farm hands who'll be out of a job before they know it! Dorothy was walking-- I saw you tinkering with that contraption, You two get back to the wagon! All right, Mrs, Gale, Someday they're going to erect a statue to me in this town-- Don't start posing for it now. Here, can't work on an empty stomach, Have some crullers, just fried, -Dorothy toppled into-- -It's no place for Dorothy around a pigsty! Now, you go feed those hogs before they worry themselves into anemia! Do you know what Miss Gulch said she was going to do to Toto? Now, Dorothy, stop imagining things, You always get yourself into a fret over nothing, Help us out today and find a place where you won't get into any trouble, Some place where there isn't any trouble, Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto? There must be, It's not a place you can get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far away... ...behind the moon... ...beyond the rain.... ' Somewhere, over the rainbow... '...way up high ' There's a land that I heard of... '...once in a lullaby ' Somewhere, over the rainbow... '...skies are blue ' And the dreams that you dare to dream ' Really do come true ' Someday I'll wish upon a star ' And wake up where the clouds are far behind me ' Where troubles melt like lemon drops, ' Away above the chimney tops ' That's where you'll find me ' Somewhere, over the rainbow... '...bluebirds fly ' Birds fly over the rainbow ' Why then, oh, why can't l? ' If happy little bluebirds fly... '...beyond the rainbow ' Why, oh, why can't l?' Mr. Gale. Howdy, Miss Gulch, I want to see you and your wife right away about Dorothy, What has Dorothy done? What's she done? I'm all but lame from the bite on my leg! -You mean, she bit you? -No, her dog! She bit her dog, eh? No! That dog's a menace, I'll take him to the Sheriff and make sure he's destroyed, Destroyed? Toto? Oh, you can't! You mustn't! Auntie Em! Uncle Henry! You won't let her, will you? Of course, we won't, Will we, Em? Please, Aunt Em! Toto didn't mean to, He didn't know he was doing anything wrong, I ought to be punished, I let him go in her garden, You can send me to bed without supper, Hand over the dog, or I'll bring a damage suit and take your farm! There's a law protecting folks from dogs that bite! What if she keeps him tied up? He's really gentle, with gentle people, that is, Well, that's for the Sheriff to decide, Here's his order allowing me to take him, Unless you want to go against the law, Yes.... We can't go against the law, I'm afraid poor Toto will have to go, Now you're seeing reason, Here's what I'm taking him in, so he can't attack me again, No, no! I won't let you take him! You go away! I'll bite you myself! Dorothy! You wicked old witch! Uncle Henry, Auntie Em, don't let them take Toto! Don't let her take him, please! Stop her. -Put him in the basket, Henry, -The idea! Don't, Uncle Henry, Oh, Toto! Almira Gulch, just because you own half the county... ...doesn't mean you have the power to run the rest of us! For 23 years I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you! Well, being a Christian woman, I can't say it! Toto, darling! Oh, I've got you back! You came back! Oh, I'm so glad! They'll be coming back for you in a minute, We've got to get away! We've got to run away! Well, well, well! Houseguests, huh? And who might you be? No, no, Now, don't tell me, Let's see. You're.... You're travelling in disguise, No, that's not right, You're going on a visit, No, I'm wrong, You're running away, How did you guess? Professor Marvel never guesses, He knows! Why are you running away? No, no. Don't tell me. They don't understand you at home, They don't appreciate you, You want to see other lands, big cities, big mountains, big oceans, It's just like you could read what was inside of me, Toto, that's not polite! We haven't been asked yet, He's perfectly welcome. As one dog to another, huh? Now, let's see. Where were we? Please, Why can't we go with you and see all the crowned heads of Europe? Do you know any? You mean, the thing, I never do anything without consulting my crystal first, Let's go inside here, just come along, I'll show you, That's right, Here, sit right down here, That's it, This is the same genuine, magic, authentic crystal... ...used by the priests of lsis and Osiris in the days of the pharaohs of Egypt... ...in which Cleopatra first saw the approach of julius Caesar and Mark Anthony and... ...and so on and so on, You'd better close your eyes, my child... ...for a moment, in order to be better in tune with the infinite. We can't do these things without... ...reaching out into the infinite, That's all right, Now, you can open them, We'll gaze into the crystal, What's this I see? A house with a picket fence... ...and a barn with a weathervane... ...of a running horse, That's our farm! Yes, There's a woman, She's wearing a polka-dot dress, Her face is careworn. That's Aunt Em, Yes, Her name is Emily, That's right, What's she doing? Well, I can't quite see, Why, she's crying! Someone has hurt her, Someone has just about broken her heart, Me? Well, it's someone she loves very much... ...someone she's been very kind to, someone she's taken care of in sickness, I had the measles once and she stayed right by me every minute, What's she doing now? What's this? Why, she's putting her hand on her heart! She's dropping down on the bed! Oh, no! Well, that's all, The crystal's gone dark, You don't suppose she could really be sick, do you? I've got to go home right away! I thought you were going along with me! No, I have to get to her right away! Come on, Toto! Come on! Come on! Goodbye, Professor Marvel, and thanks a lot! Better get under cover, Sylvester! There's a storm blowing, a whopper... ...to speak in the vernacular of the peasantry! Poor little kid. I hope she gets home all right. Hurry up and get them horses loose! Where's Hickory? Hickory! Hickory! Doggone it! Hickory! It's a twister! It's a twister! Dorothy! Dorothy! Come on, everybody in the storm cellar! Henry! I can't find Dorothy! She's somewhere out in the storm! Dorothy! Auntie Em! Auntie Em! Auntie Em! Auntie Em! Uncle Henry! Auntie Em! We must be up inside the cyclone! Miss Gulch! Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore, We must be over the rainbow! Now, I know we're not in Kansas, Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Who, me? I'm not a witch at all, I'm Dorothy Gale, from Kansas, Well, is that the witch? Who, Toto? Toto's my dog, Well, I'm a little muddled, The Munchkins called me because a new witch has just dropped a house... ...on the Wicked Witch of the East, And there's the house, and here you are... ...and that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East, What the Munchkins want to know is... ...are you a good witch or a bad witch? But, I've already told you, I'm not a witch at all, Witches are old and ugly, What was that? The Munchkins, They're laughing because I am a witch, I'm Glinda, the Witch of the North. You are? I beg your pardon! But I've never heard of a beautiful witch before, Only bad witches are ugly, The Munchkins are happy, You freed them from the Wicked Witch of the East, But, if you please, what are Munchkins? The little people who live in this land, It's Munchkin Land... ...and you are their national heroine, my dear, It's all right, you may all come out and thank her, ' Come out, come out wherever you are ' And meet the young lady who fell from a star ' She fell from the sky, she fell very far ' And Kansas, she says, is the name of the star ' Kansas, she says, is the name of the star ' She brings you good news, or haven't you heard? ' When she fell out of Kansas a miracle occurred ' It really was no miracle What happened was just this: ' The wind began to switch, the house to pitch ' And suddenly the hinges started to unhitch ' just then the Witch, to satisfy an itch ' Went flying on her broomstick thumbing for a hitch ' And, oh, what happened then was rich ' The house began to pitch, the kitchen took a slitch ' It landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch ' Which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch ' The house began to pitch, the kitchen took a slitch ' It landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch ' Which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch ' Who began to twitch, and was reduced to just a stitch ' Of what was once the Wicked Witch ' We thank you very sweetly ' For doing it so neatly ' You've killed her so completely ' That we thank you very sweetly ' Let the joyous news be spread ' The Wicked Old Witch at last is dead! ' Ding-dong the Witch is dead Which old witch? ' The Wicked Witch Ding-dong the Wicked Witch is dead ' Wake up, you sleepyhead Rub your eyes, get out of bed ' Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead ' She's gone where the goblins go Below, below, below ' Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out ' Ding-dong the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low ' Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead ' As Mayor of the Munchkin City ' In the county of the Land of Oz ' I welcome you most regally ' But we've got to verify it legally -' To see -To see -' If she -lf she ' Is morally, ethically ' Spiritually, physically ' Positively, absolutely ' Undeniably and reliably dead ' As Coroner I must aver ' I thoroughly examined her ' And she's not only merely dead ' She's really most sincerely dead ' Then this is a day of independence for all the Munchkins... '...and their descendants ' If any ' Yes, let the joyous news be spread ' The Wicked Old Witch at last is dead! ' Ding-dong the Witch is dead Which old witch? The Wicked Witch! ' Ding-dong the Wicked Witch is dead ' Wake up, you sleepyhead Rub your eyes, get out of bed ' Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead ' She's gone where the goblins go Below, below, below ' Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out ' Ding-dong the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low ' Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead! ' We represent the Lullaby League ' The Lullaby League, the Lullaby League ' And in the name of the Lullaby League ' We wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land ' We represent the Lollypop Guild ' The Lollypop Guild, the Lollypop Guild ' And in the name of the Lollypop Guild ' We wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land ' We welcome you to Munchkin Land ' From now on you'll be history -' You'll be history -You'll be history ' And we will glorify your name ' You'll be a bust -' Be a bust -Be a bust ' In the hall of fame' I thought you said she was dead, That was her sister, the Wicked Witch of the East, This is the Wicked Witch of the West, She's worse than the other one was, Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? Was it you? No, no, It was an accident, I didn't mean to kill anybody, Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents, too! Aren't you forgetting the ruby slippers? The slippers, yes! The slippers! They're gone! The ruby slippers! What have you done with them? Give them back to me or I'll-- It's too late! There they are... ...and there they'll stay! Give me back my slippers! I'm the only one who knows how to use them, They're of no use to you, Give them back to me, -Give them back! -Keep tight inside of them, Their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want them so badly, You stay out of this, Glinda, or I'll fix you as well! Rubbish! You have no power here. Begone, before somebody drops a house on you, too! Very well, I'll bide my time, And as for you, my fine lady... ...it's true I can't attend to you here and now as I'd like... ...but just try to stay out of my way. just try! I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! It's all right, You can get up, She's gone, It's all right, You can all get up, What a smell of sulphur! I'm afraid you've made a bad enemy of the Wicked Witch of the West, The sooner you get out of Oz altogether, the safer you'll sleep, my dear, I'd give anything to get out of Oz altogether, but... ...which is the way back to Kansas? I can't go the way I came, No, that's true, The only person who might know... ...would be the great and wonderful Wizard of Oz himself! The Wizard of Oz? Is he good or is he wicked? Very good, but very mysterious, He lives in the Emerald City... ...and that's a long journey from here, Did you bring your broomstick with you? No, I'm afraid I didn't. Well, then, you'll have to walk, The Munchkins will see you safely to the border of Munchkin Land, And remember, never let those ruby slippers off your feet for a moment... ...or you will be at the mercy of the Wicked Witch of the West, But how do I start for Emerald City? It's always best to start at the beginning... ...and all you do is follow the Yellow Brick Road, But, what happens if l-- just follow the Yellow Brick Road, Goodbye, Goodbye, My! People come and go so quickly here! Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road. ' Follow the Yellow Brick Road Follow the Yellow Brick Road ' Follow, follow, follow, follow, Follow the Yellow Brick Road ' Follow the Yellow Brick Follow the Yellow Brick Road ' You're off to see the Wizard The Wonderful Wizard of Oz ' You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz If ever a Wiz there was ' If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was The Wizard of Oz is one because ' Because, because, because, because, because ' Because of the wonderful things he does ' You're off to see the Wizard The Wonderful Wizard of Oz' Follow the Yellow Brick Road? Follow the Yellow.... Now which way do we go? Pardon me, That way is a very nice way, Who said that? Don't be silly, Toto, Scarecrows don't talk, It's pleasant down that way, too. That's funny, Wasn't he pointing the other way? Of course, people do go both ways, You did say something, didn't you? Are you doing that on purpose, or can't you make up your mind? That's the trouble, I can't make up my mind, I haven't got a brain, only straw, How can you talk if you haven't got a brain? I don't know. But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they? Yes, I guess you're right, Well, we haven't really met properly, have we? Why, no! How do you do? How do you do? Very well, thank you, I'm not feeling at all well, It's very tedious being stuck up here all day long with a pole up your back, That must be terribly uncomfortable, Can't you get down? Down? No, you see, I'm.... Well, I'm.... Well, here, let me help you, That's very kind of you, very kind, I don't quite see how.... Of course, I'm not bright about doing things... ...but if you'll just bend the nail down in the back, maybe I'll slip off and.... Oh, yes, There goes some of me again! Does it hurt you? Oh, no, I just keep picking it up and putting it back in again, My! It's good to be free! Did I scare you? No, no, I just thought you hurt yourself, But I didn't scare you? No, of course not. I didn't think so. You see, I can't even scare a crow, They come from miles around just to eat in my field and laugh in my face, I'm a failure because I haven't got a brain! What would you do with a brain if you had one? Do? Why, if I had a brain, I could.... ' I could wile away the hours Conferrin' with the flowers ' Consultin' with the rain ' And my head I'd be scratchin' While my thoughts were busy hatchin' ' If I only had a brain ' I'd unravel every riddle For any individual ' In trouble or in pain ' With the thoughts you'll be thinkin' You could be another Lincoln ' If you only had a brain ' Oh, I would tell you why ' The ocean's near the shore ' I could think of things I never thunk before ' And then I'd sit and think some more ' I would not be just a nothin' ' My head all full of stuffin' My heart all full of pain ' I would dance and be merry Life would be a ding-a-derry ' If I only had a brain' Wonderful! If our scarecrow back in Kansas could do that, the crows'd be scared to pieces! -They would? -Yes, Where's Kansas? That's where I live, I want to get back there so badly I'm going to Emerald City... ...to get the Wizard of Oz to help me, You're going to see a wizard? Do you think if I went with you this wizard would give me some brains? I couldn't say. But even if he didn't, you'd be no worse off than you are now, Yes, that's true, You'd better not, I've got a witch mad at me and you might get into trouble, Witch? I'm not afraid of a witch, I'm not afraid of anything! Except a lighted match. I don't blame you for that. But I'd face a whole box full of them for the chance of getting some brains, I won't be any trouble because I don't eat a thing, I won't try to manage things because I can't think, Won't you take me with you? Of course, I will! Hooray! We're off to see a wizard! Well, you're not starting out very well, I'll try! Really, I will, -To Oz? -To Oz! ' We're off to see the Wizard The Wonderful Wizard of Oz ' We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz If ever a Wiz there was ' If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was The Wizard of Oz is one because ' Because, because, because, because, because ' Because of the wonderful things he does ' We're off to see the Wizard The Wonderful Wizard of Oz' Apples! Oh, look! What do you think you're doing? We've been walking a long ways and I was hungry and.... Did you say something? -She was hungry! -She was hungry! How would you like to have someone come along and pick something off of you? Oh, dear! I keep forgetting I'm not in Kansas, Come along, Dorothy, you don't want any of those apples, Are you hinting my apples aren't what they should be? Oh, no! It's just that she doesn't like little green worms! You! I'll show you how to get apples, Hooray! I guess that did it! Help yourself, Why, it's a man! A man made out of tin! -What? -Yes, Look! Oilcan, Did you say something? Oilcan, He said, ' Oilcan.' ' Oilcan' what? Oilcan? Here it is! -Where do you want to be oiled first? -My mouth, -My mouth. -He said his mouth. The other side, My goodness, I can talk again! Oil my arms, please, oil my elbows, Here. Did that hurt? No, it feels wonderful. I've held that axe up for ages. Goodness! How did you ever get like this? About a year ago, I was chopping that tree... ...when suddenly it began to rain, And right in the middle of a chop, I rusted solid, I've been that way ever since. Well, you're perfect now, My neck, My neck, Perfect? Bang on my chest if you think I'm perfect, Go ahead, bang on it, Beautiful! What an echo! It's empty. The tinsmith forgot to give me a heart, No heart? No heart. All hollow, ' When a man's an empty kettle ' He should be on his mettle ' And yet I'm torn apart ' just because I'm presumin' ' That I could be kind of human ' If I only had a heart ' I'd be tender, I'd be gentle ' And awful sentimental ' Regarding love and art ' I'd be friends with the sparrows ' And the boy who shoots the arrows ' If I only had a heart ' Picture me a balcony ' Above a voice sings low ' Wherefore art thou, Romeo? ' I hear a beat... '...how sweet! ' just to register emotion, jealousy, devotion ' And really feel the part ' I could stay young and chipper ' And I'd lock it with a zipper ' If I only had a heart' -Are you all right? -I'm afraid I'm a little rusty yet, Oh, dear! That was wonderful! You know.... We were wondering why you couldn't come with us to the Emerald City... ...to ask the Wizard of Oz for a heart? Suppose the Wizard wouldn't give me one when we got there? But he will! He must! We've come such a long way already, You call that long? Why, you've just begun! Helping the little lady along, are you, my fine gentlemen? Well, stay away from her... ...or I'll stuff a mattress with you! And you! I'll use you for a beehive! Here, Scarecrow! Want to play ball? Lookout! I'm burning! I'm burning! I'm not afraid of her, I'll see you get safely to the Wizard now... ...whether I get a brain or not! ' Stuff a mattress with me,' hah! I'll see you reach the Wizard, whether I get a heart or not, ' Beehive,' bah! Let her try and make a beehive out of me! You're the best friends anybody ever had, And it's funny, but I feel as if I've known you all the time, But I couldn't have, could l? I don't see how, You weren't around when I was stuffed and sewn together... ...were you? And I was standing over there rusting for the longest time, Still, I wish I could remember, But I guess it doesn't matter anyway, We know each other now, don't we? -That's right, -We do, -To Oz? -To Oz! ' We're off to see the Wizard The Wonderful Wizard of Oz ' We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz If ever a Wiz there was ' If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was The Wizard of Oz is one because ' Because, because, because, because, because ' Because of the wonderful things he does ' We're off to see the Wizard The Wonderful Wizard of Oz' I don't like this forest! It's dark and creepy! Of course, I don't know, but I think it'll get darker before it gets lighter, Do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals? We might, Animals that eat straw? Some, but mostly lions and tigers and bears, Lions! And tigers! And bears! Lions and tigers and bears! Oh, my! -Lions and tigers and bears! -Oh, my! -Lions and tigers and bears! -Oh, my! -Lions and tigers and bears! -Oh, my! -Lions and tigers and bears! -Oh, my! Oh, look! Put 'em up! Put 'em up! Which one of you first? I'll fight you both together, if you want, I'll fight you with one paw tied behind my back! I'll fight you standing on one foot! I'll fight you with my eyes closed, Pulling an axe on me, eh? Sneaking up on me, eh? Why.... -Here, here, Go away and let us alone, -Scared, huh? Afraid, huh? How long can you stay fresh in that can? Come on, get up and fight, you shivering junkyard! Put your hands up, you lopsided bag of hay! Now, that's getting personal, Lion, Yes, get up and teach him a lesson, Well, what's wrong with you teaching him? Well, I hardly know him, I'll get you anyway, Pee-Wee, Shame on you! What did you do that for? I didn't bite him, No, but you tried to, It's bad enough picking on a straw man, but when you pick on poor little dogs.... You didn't have to go and hit me, did you? Is my nose bleeding? Well, of course not, My goodness, what a fuss you're making! Naturally, when you go around picking on things weaker than you are... ...you're nothing but a great, big coward! You're right, I am a coward! I haven't any courage at all, I even scare myself. Look at the circles under my eyes, I haven't slept in weeks. Why don't you try counting sheep? That doesn't do any good, I'm afraid of them, That's too bad, Don't you think the Wizard could help him, too? I don't see why not. Why don't you come along with us? We're on our way to see the Wizard now, To get him a heart, And him a brain, I'm sure he could give you some courage, Wouldn't you feel degraded to be seen in the company of a cowardly lion? I would. No, of course not! Gee, that's awfully nice of you, My life has been simply unbearable, Well, it's all right now, The Wizard'll fix everything, It's been in me so long... ...l just gotta tell you how I feel, Well, come on! ' Yeah, it's sad, believe me, missy When you're born to be a sissy ' Without the vim and verve ' But I could show my prowess ' Be a lion not a mouse ' If I only had the nerve ' I'm afraid there's no denyin' ' I'm just a dandelion ' A fate I don't deserve ' I'd be brave as a blizzard ' I'd be gentle as a lizard ' I'd be clever as a gizzard ' If the Wizard is a wizard who will serve ' Then I'm sure to get a brain ' A heart ' A home ' The nerve' ' We're off to see the Wizard The Wonderful Wizard of Oz ' We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz If ever a Wiz there was ' If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was The Wizard of Oz is one because ' Because, because, because, because, because ' Because of the wonderful things he does ' We're off to see the Wizard The Wonderful Wizard of Oz' So, you won't take warning, eh? All the worse for you! I'll take care of you now instead of later! When I gain those ruby slippers, my power will be the greatest in Oz! And now, my beauties... ...something with poison in it, I think, With poison in it... ...but attractive to the eye... ...and soothing to the smell! Poppies! Poppies! Poppies will put them to sleep. Sleep. Now they'll sleep. There's Emerald City! We're almost there at last! At last! It's beautiful, isn't it? just like I knew it would be, He really must be a wonderful wizard to live in a city like that! Come on, What are we waiting for? Nothing! Let's hurry! Yes, let's run! Come on, come on! Hurry! Hurry! Look! Come on! The city! It's wonderful! The Emerald City! What's happening? What is it? I can't run anymore. I'm so sleepy. Give us your hands and we'll pull you along, No, please. I have to rest for just a minute. Toto.... Where's Toto? You can't rest now, We're nearly there, Don't cry, you'll rust yourself again! Come to think of it, forty winks wouldn't be bad, Don't you start it, too! No! We ought to try and carry Dorothy! I don't think I could, but we could try. -Let's, -Yes, Now look at him! This is terrible! Here, Tin Man, help me, This is terrible! I can't budge her an inch! This is a spell, this is! It's the Wicked Witch! What'll we do? Help! Help! It's no use screaming at a time like this, Nobody will hear you! Help! Help! It's snowing! No, it isn't! Yes, it is! Maybe that'll help! But it couldn't help! It does help! Dorothy, you're waking up! Unusual weather we're having, ain't it? Look, he's rusted again! -Give me the oilcan, quick! -Here! Oil him, -He is rusted. -Here. Here. Quick! Curses! Curses! Somebody always helps that girl! But shoes or no shoes, I'm still great enough to conquer her, And woe to those who try to stop me! Come on, let's get out of here, Look, Emerald City is closer and prettier than ever! ' You're out of the woods You're out of the dark ' You're out of the night ' Step into the sun, step into the light ' Keep straight ahead For the most glorious place ' On the face of the earth Or the sky ' Hold onto your breath Hold onto your heart ' Hold onto your hope ' March up to the gate And bid it open' To the Emerald City as fast as lightning! ' You're out of the woods You're out of the dark ' You're out of the night ' Step into the sun, step into the light ' March up to the gate And bid it open ' Open' Who rang that bell? We did! Can't you read? -Read what? -The notice! What notice? It's on the door, as plain as the nose on my face! ' Bell out of order, please knock,' Well, that's more like it, Now, state your business, We want to see the Wizard, The Wizard? But nobody can see the great Oz! Nobody's ever seen the great Oz! Even I've never seen him! Well, then, how do you know there is one? Because he's.... You're wasting my time! Please! Please, sir! I've got to see the Wizard, The Good Witch of the North sent me, Prove it! She's wearing the ruby slippers she gave her! So she is! Well, bust my buttons! Why didn't you say that in the first place? That's a horse of a different color! Come on in! Cabby! Cabby! just what you're looking for! Take you any place in the city, we does! Would you take us to see the Wizard? The Wizard? The Wizard? Yes, of course, But first I'll take you to a little place where you can tidy up a bit, Thank you so much. We've been gone such a long time, and we feel so.... What kind of a horse is that? I've never seen a horse like that before! No, and never will again, I fancy, There's only one of him, and he's it, He's the Horse of a Different Color you've heard tell about, ' Ha, ha, ha Ho, ho, ho ' And a couple of tra-la-las ' That's how we laugh the day away In the Merry Old Land of Oz ' Bzz, bzz, bzz Chirp, chirp, chirp ' And a couple of la-di-das ' That's how the crickets crick all day In the Merry Old Land of Oz ' We get up at 12:00 And start to work at 1 :00 ' Take an hour for lunch And then at 2:00 we're done ' jolly good fun! ' Ha, ha, ha Ho, ho, ho ' And a couple of tra-la-las ' That's how we laugh the day away In the Merry Old Land of Oz ' Ha, ha, ha Ho, ho, ho ' Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ' That's how we laugh the day away ' With a ho, ho, ho Ha, ha, ha ' In the Merry Old Land of Oz ' Pat, pat here, pat, pat there And a couple of brand new straws ' That's how we keep you young and fair In the Merry Old Land of Oz ' Rub, rub here, rub, rub there Whether you're tin or brass ' That's how we keep you in repair In the Merry Old Land of Oz ' We can make a dimple smile Out of a frown ' Can you even dye my eyes To match my gown? ' jolly old town! ' Clip, clip here, clip, clip there We give the roughest claws ' That certain air of savoir faire In the Merry Old Land of Oz ' Ha, ha, ha ' Ho, ho, ho ' Ha, ha, ha, ha ' That's how we laugh the day away In the Merry Old Land of Oz ' That's how we laugh the day away ' Ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha ' Ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha ' Ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha ' In the Merry Old Land of Oz' Who's her? Who's her? It's the Witch! She's followed us here! ' Surrender Dorothy,' Dorothy? Who's Dorothy? The Wizard will explain it! To the Wizard! To the Wizard! Whatever shall we do? We'd better hurry if we're going to see the Wizard! Here! Here, here! Everything is all right, Stop that now, It's all right! Everything is all right! The great and powerful Oz has got matters well in hand, I hope, And so you can all go home! And there's nothing to worry about! Get out of here now, go on! Go on home and.... Go home, If you please, we want to see the Wizard right away, All four of us, Orders are: Nobody can see the great Oz! Not nobody, not nohow! But, please, It's very important, And I got a permanent just for the occasion, Not nobody, not nohow! But she's Dorothy! The Witch's Dorothy? Well, that makes a difference, Wait here, I'll announce you at once! Did you hear that? He'll announce us at once! -I've as good as got my brain! -I can fairly hear my heart beating, -I'll be home in time for supper! -ln another hour I'll be King of the Forest, Long live the King! ' If I were King of the Forest ' Not Queen, not Duke, not Prince ' My regal robes of the forest ' Would be satin, not cotton, not chintz, ' I'd command each thing, be it fish or fowl ' With a woof and a woof, and a royal growl ' As I click my heel All the trees would kneel ' And the mountains bow And the bulls kowtow ' And the sparrow would take wing ' If l...if I were King! ' Each rabbit would show respect to me ' The chipmunks genuflect to me ' Though my tail would lash I would show compash ' For every underling ' If l...if I were King ' just King! ' Monarch of all I survey ' Monarch... '...of all I survey! ' Your Majesty, if you were King, you wouldn't be afraid of anything? Not nobody, not nohow! -Not even a rhinoceros? -lmposserous! -How about a hippopotamus? -Why, I'd trash him from top to bottomus! -Suppose you met an elephant? -I'd wrap him up in cellophant! -What if it were a brontosaurus? -I'd show him who was King of the Forest! -How? -How? Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the Seventh Wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the ' ape' in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got? Courage! You can say that again, The Wizard says, ' Go away! ' Go away? Looks like we came a long way for nothing, And I was so happy! I thought I was on my way home, Don't cry, Dorothy, We'll get you to the Wizard, We certainly are, Auntie Em was so good to me, and I never appreciated it, Running away and hurting her feelings, Professor Marvel said she was sick. She may be dying... ...and it's all my fault, I'll never forgive myself! Never, never, never! Please, don't cry anymore, I'll get you in to the Wizard somehow, Come on, I had an Aunt Em myself once! Wait a minute, fellows, I was just thinking.... I really don't want to see the Wizard this much, I better wait for you outside. -What's the matter? -He's just scared again, Don't you know the Wizard will give you some courage? I'd be too scared to ask him for it. Well then, we'll ask him for you, I'd sooner wait outside. Why? Why? Because I'm still scared! -What happened? -Somebody pulled my tail! You did it yourself! Come on, Come forward! Tell me when it's over! Look at that! Look at that! I want to go home! I am Oz... ...the great and powerful! Who are you? Who are you? If you please, I am Dorothy... ...the small and meek, We've come to ask-- Silence! jiminy Crickets! The great and powerful Oz knows why you have come. Step forward, Tin Man! You dare to come to me for a heart, do you? You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk! Y es, sir, Y es, Your Honor, You see, a while back... ...we were walking down the Yellow Brick Road, and-- Quiet! And you, Scarecrow... ...have the effrontery to ask for a brain... ...you billowing bale of bovine fodder! Yes, Your Honor, I mean, Your Excellency, I mean, Your Wizardry! Enough! And you, Lion! Well? You ought to be ashamed of yourself... ...frightening him like that when he came to you for help! Silence, whippersnapper! The beneficent Oz has every intention of granting your requests! What's that? What'd he say? What'd he say? But first, you must prove yourselves worthy... ...by performing a very small task. Bring me the broomstick of the Witch of the West. But if we do that, we' ll have to kill her to get it! Bring me her broomstick... ...and I'll grant your requests. Now, go! But what if she kills us first? I said, ' Go!' ' I'd turn back if I were you! ' Oh, look! I believe there're spooks around here. That's ridiculous! Spooks! That's silly, Don't you believe in spooks? No, Why, only-- Tin Man! Are you all right? I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do, I do, I do, I do, I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks! I do, I do, I do, I do, I do! You'll believe in more than that before I'm finished with you, Take your army to the Haunted Forest and bring me the girl and her dog, Do as you like with the others, but I want her alive and unharmed! They'll give you no trouble, I promise you that, I've sent a little insect on ahead to take the fight out of them, Take special care of those ruby slippers, I want those most of all, Now, fly! Fly! Bring me that girl and her slippers! Fly! Fly! Fly! Help! Help! Help! Go away now! Help! Help! Toto! Toto! Help! Toto! What happened to you? They tore my legs off and threw them over there! Then they took my chest out and threw it over there! -Well, that's you all over, -They sure knocked the stuffing out of you, Don't stand there talking! Put me together! We've got to find Dorothy! Now, let's see.... What a nice little dog, And you, my dear, what an unexpected pleasure, It's so kind of you to visit me in my loneliness. What are you going to do with my dog? Give him back to me! All in good time, my little pretty, all in good time, Please, give me back my dog! Certainly, certainly... ...when you give me those slippers, But the Good Witch of the North told me not to, Very well, Throw that basket in the river and drown him, No! No. No. Here. You can have your slippers but give me back Toto! That's a good little girl, I knew you'd see reason! I'm sorry, I didn't do it, Can I still have my dog? No! Fool that I am, I should have remembered... ...those slippers will never come off... ...as long as you're alive, But that's not what's worrying me, It's how to do it, These things must be done delicately... ...or you hurt the spell. Run, Toto! Run! Catch him, you fool! Run, Toto! Run, Toto! Run! He got away! He got away! Which is more than you will! Drat you and your dog! You've been more trouble to me than you're worth... ...but it'll soon be over now! Do you see that? That's how much longer you've got to be alive! And it isn't long, my pretty, It isn't long! I can't wait forever to get those shoes! I'm frightened, I'm frightened, Auntie Em, I'm frightened! Dorothy? Dorothy, where are you? It's me, it's Auntie Em. We're trying to find you! Where are you? I'm here in Oz, Auntie Em! I'm locked up in the Witch's castle... ...and I'm trying to get home to you, Auntie Em! Auntie Em, don't go away! I'm frightened! Come back! Come back! ' Auntie Em. Auntie Em, come back!' I'll give you Auntie Em, my pretty! Look! There's Toto! Where'd he come from? Why, don't you see? He's come to take us to Dorothy! Come on, fellows! I hope my strength holds out. I hope your tail holds out. What's that? That's the castle of the Wicked Witch! Dorothy's in that awful place? I hate to think of her in there, We've got to get her out! Don't cry now, We haven't got the oilcan with us... ...and you've been squeaking enough, Who's them? I've got a plan how to get in there, Fine, He's got a plan, -And you're going to lead us, -Yeah, -Me? -Yes, you, -I gotta get her out of there? -That's right, All right, I'll go in there for Dorothy... ...Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch... ...guards or no guards, I'll tear 'em apart, I may not come out alive but I'm going in there, There's only one thing I want you fellows to do, What's that? Talk me out of it, -No, you don't! -Oh, no! Now, wait a minute. I've got another idea, Do you think it'll be polite, dropping in like this? Come on, Where do we go now? Yeah, There! Wait! We'd better make sure, Dorothy, are you in there? It's us! Yes, it's me! She's locked me in! It's her, We gotta get her out! Open the door! Hurry! Please, hurry! The hourglass is almost empty! Stand back! Toto! Toto! -Did they hurt you? -I knew you'd come! I knew you would! Hurry, we've got no time to lose! Going so soon? I wouldn't hear of it. Why, my little party's just beginning, Trapped! Trapped like mice, rats! That's right, Don't hurt them right away, We'll let them think about it a little first, Seize them! Stop them, you fools! Stop them! Seize them! Seize them! There they go! Now we've got them! Half you go this way, half you go that way! Hurry! Hurry! Where do we go now? This way, come on! Back! Back! Well! Ring around the rosie! A pocket full of spears! Thought you'd be pretty foxy, didn't you? The last to go will see the first three go before her! And her mangy little dog, too! How about a little fire, Scarecrow? No! No! No! Help! I'm burning! I'm burning! Don't throw that water! You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! Melting! What a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl could destroy my beautiful wickedness? Look out! Look out! I'm going, She's dead, You've killed her, I didn't mean to kill her, really I didn't. It's just that he was on fire! Hail to Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead! Hail! Hail to Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead! The broom! May we have it? Please. And take it with you. Thank you so much! Now we can go back to the Wizard and tell him the Wicked Witch is dead! The Wicked Witch is dead! Can I believe my eyes? Why have you come back? Please, sir, We've done what you told us, We've brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West, We melted her, You liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful! Yes, sir, So we'd like you to keep your promise to us, if you please, sir, Not so fast! Not so fast! I'll have to give the matter a little thought! Go away, and come back tomorrow! Tomorrow? But I want to go home now! You've had plenty of time already! Yeah! Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Oz! I said, ' Come back tomorrow!' If you were really great and powerful, you'd keep your promises! If you were really great and powerful, you'd keep your promises! Do you presume to criticize the great Oz? You ungrateful creatures! Think yourselves lucky that I'm giving you audience tomorrow... ...instead of 20 years from now! The great Oz has spoken! Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. The great Oz has spoken! Who are you? I am the great and powerful... ...Wizard of Oz, You are? I don't believe you! No, I'm afraid it's true, There's no other wizard except me, You humbug! Yeah! Yes, that's exactly so, I'm a humbug, You're a very bad man! No, my dear, I'm a very good man, I'm just a very bad wizard. What about the heart that you promised Tin Man? And the courage that you promised Cowardly Lion? And Scarecrow's brain? Why, anybody can have a brain, That's a very mediocre commodity, Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth... ...or slinks through slimy seas has a brain! Back where I come from we have universities... ...seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers, When they come out, they think deep thoughts... ...with no more brains than you have, But they have one thing you haven't got: A diploma! Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me... ...by the Universitatus Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum... ...l hereby confer upon you... ...the honorary degree of Th,D, ' Th,D,'? Yeah, that's ' Doctor of Thinkology,' ' The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle... '...is equal to the square root of the remaining side,' joy! Rapture! I've got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough? Well, you can't, As for you, my fine friend, you are a victim of disorganized thinking, You're under the unfortunate delusion... ...that simply because you run away from danger you have no courage, You are confusing courage with wisdom, Back where I come from we have men who are called heroes, Once a year they take their fortitude out of mothballs... ...and parade it down the main street of the city, And they have no more courage than you have, But they have one thing that you haven't got: A medal! Therefore, for meritorious conduct... ...extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against wicked witches... ...I award you the Triple Cross. You are now a member of the Legion of Courage! Shucks, folks, I'm speechless! As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart! You don't know how lucky you are not to have one, Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable, But I still want one. Back where I come from there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds, They are called... ...good-deed-doers and their hearts are no bigger than yours, But they have one thing you haven't got: A testimonial! Therefore, in consideration of your kindness... ...I take pleasure at this time in presenting you... ...with a small token of our esteem and affection, And remember, my sentimental friend... ...that a heart is not judged by how much you love... ...but by how much you are loved by others, It ticks! Listen! Look, it ticks! Read what my medal says, ' Courage' ! Ain't it the truth? Ain't it the truth? They're all wonderful, -What about Dorothy? -Yes, how about Dorothy? -Dorothy next! -Yes, Dorothy, I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me, You force me into a cataclysmic decision, The only way to get Dorothy back to Kansas is for me to take her there myself! Will you? Could you? Are you a clever enough wizard to manage it? Child, you cut me to the quick! I'm an old Kansas man myself... ...born and bred in the heart of the western wilderness... ...premier balloonist par excellence... ...for the Miracle Wonderland Carnival Company, Until one day... ...while performing spectacular feats of stratospheric skill... ...never before attempted by civilized man, an unfortunate phenomenon occurred, The balloon failed to return to the fair, It did? Weren't you frightened? Frightened? You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death... ...sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe, I was petrified. Then suddenly the wind changed and the balloon floated down... ...into the heart of this noble city where I was instantly acclaimed Oz... ...the First Wizard Deluxe! Times being what they were, I accepted the job... ...retaining my balloon against the advent of a quick getaway, And in that balloon, my dear Dorothy, you and I will return... ...to the land of ' e pluribus unum' ! This is positively the finest exhibition ever to be shown, Yes, well, be that as it may... ...l, your Wizard per ardua et alta... ...am about to embark upon a hazardous and technically unexplainable journey... ...into the outer stratosphere! To confer, converse and otherwise hobnob with my brother wizards, And I hereby decree that until what time... ...if any, that I return, the Scarecrow... ...by virtue of his highly superior brains, shall rule in my stead... ...assisted by the Tin Man, by virtue of his magnificent heart... ...and the Lion, by virtue of his courage! Obey them as you would me, Thank you. Toto! Come back! Toto! Don't go without me! I'll be right back! Stop that dog! This is highly irregular procedure! This is absolutely unprecedented! Ruined my exit! Come back! Come back! Don't go without me! Please, come back! I can't come back! I don't know how it works! Goodbye, folks! Goodbye! Now I'll never get home! Stay with us then, Dorothy, We all love you, We don't want you to go, That's very kind of you... ...but this could never be like Kansas. Auntie Em must have stopped wondering what happened to me by now, Scarecrow, what am I going to do? Look! Here's someone who can help you! -Will you help me? Can you help me? -You don't need to be helped any longer, You've always had the power to go back to Kansas, I have? Why didn't you tell her before? Because she wouldn't have believed me, She had to learn it for herself, What have you learned, Dorothy? I think that it wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em, And it's that if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again... ...l won't look any further than my own backyard... ...because if it isn't there... ...l never really lost it to begin with, Is that right? That's all it is! But that's so easy! I should have thought of it for you, -I should have felt it in my heart. -No. She had to find it out for herself. Now those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds! -Toto, too? -Toto, too. -Now? -Whenever you wish, Oh, dear, that's too wonderful to be true! It's going to be so hard to say goodbye, I love you all, too, Goodbye, Tin Man, Don't cry. You'll rust so dreadfully, Here. Here's your oilcan. Goodbye, Now I know I've got a heart 'cause it's breaking, Goodbye, Lion, You know, I know it isn't right... ...but I'm gonna miss the way you used to holler for help... ...before you found your courage, I would never have found it if it hadn't been for you. I think I'll miss you most of all. Are you ready now? Yes, Say goodbye, Toto, Yes, I'm ready now, Then close your eyes and tap your heels together three times, And think to yourself: ' There's no place like home, There's no place like home,' There's no place like home, There's no place like home, There's no place like home, There's no place like home, There's no place like home, There's no place like home, There's no place like home, Wake up, honey, There's no place like home, There's no place like home, There's no place.... Dorothy! Dorothy, dear, It's Aunt Em, darling, Auntie Em, it's you! Hello, there! Anybody home? I just dropped by because I heard the little girl got caught in the big.... Well, she seems all right now! She got quite a bump on the head, We thought for a minute she'd leave us, But I did leave you, Uncle Henry, That's just the trouble, And I tried to get back for days and days, There, there, lie quiet now, You just had a bad dream, Sure, Remember me, your old pal, Hunk? And me, Hickory? You couldn't forget my face, could you? No. But it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you, and you, and you, and you were there, But you couldn't have been, could you? We dream lots of silly things when we-- No, Aunt Em, this was a real, truly live place, And I remember that some of it wasn't very nice... ...but most of it was beautiful. But just the same... ...all I kept saying to everybody was, ' I want to go home! ' And they sent me home, Doesn't anybody believe me? Of course we believe you, Dorothy, But anyway, Toto, we're home! Home! And this is my room, and you're all here! And I'm not going to leave here ever, ever again, because I love you all! Auntie Em, there's no place like home!