As Something as Something

The episode opens with Mr. Bostford rummaging through the attic IT'S A CLEAR, CRISP, SATURDAY MORNING, AND THE BOTSFORD FAMILY IS UP IN THE ATTIC FOR A LITTLE SPRING...

A large cloud of dust covers Mr. Botsford’s face. He coughs

The Narrator says CLEANING.

Mr. Botsford says YOU CAN TAKE THIS ONE AWAY, TOO, TEDDY.

He hands the box to a man standing at the top of the attic stairs

Teddy says YOU GOT IT, Mr. B.

He is a middle-aged man with short brown hair, a mustache, and black glasses. He wears a blue cap, short-sleeved light blue shirt and dark blue overalls. He walks down the stairs

Becky says HEY, WHO ARE YOU? WHO IS HE?

Mr. Botsford says THIS IS TEDDY FROM TAKE IT AWAY TEDDY'S TRASH REMOVAL SERVICE.

Teddy tips his cap and says MISS.

Mr. Botsford walks back into the attic and says TODAY IS THE FIRST OFFICIAL BOTSFORD FAMILY DECLUTTER DAY.

Becky flies up and says DAD, IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER, I'D SAY YOU WERE THINKING OF THROWING THIS STUFF AWAY.

Mr. Botsford says THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT, SWEETHEART.

Becky says BUT WE'RE BOTSFORDS. WE NEVER THROW ANYTHING OUT.

Mr. Botsford says WELL, THERE'S A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING. I JUST FIGURED IT WAS FINALLY TIME WE ALL GOT RID OF THE CLUTTER. INCOMING!

He throws and old stuffed toy at Becky

Becky picks it up and says CLUTTER? THIS STUFF ISN'T CLUTTER. CLUTTER IS A BIG MESSY PILE OF OLD FORGOTTEN AND WORN OUT JUNK.

She strokes the stuffed toy and says ALL THESE THINGS ARE MY MOST IMPORTANT, MOST TREASURED POSSESSIONS.

Mr. Botsford says LIKE THIS DEFLATED BALLOON?

Becky says BETTER KEEP IT.

He holds up a broken statue of a unicorn

Becky says THAT'S A KEEPER, TOO.

Mr. Botsford holds up a green toothbrush with a bug crawling on it

Becky says DEFINITE KEEP.

Mr. Botsford says WELL, PROMISE ME YOU'LL AT LEAST TAKE A LOOK AND GIVE IT A TRY.

Becky says FINE, I'LL GIVE IT A TRY.

Mr. Botsford says THANK YOU, PUMPKIN. NOW, HERE ARE TWO BOXES. PUT ALL THE STUFF YOU WANT TO KEEP IN THE BOX WITH THE THUMBS UP. AND PUT ALL THE STUFF YOU WANT TO GET RID OF IN THIS BOX MARKED WITH A THUMBS DOWN.

He holds up two boxes

Mr. Botsford says TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU, I'VE MADE THE BOXES EXACTLY THE SAME IN EVERY OTHER WAY. EXACTLY THE SAME. EVEN THOUGH BOTH OF THESE THUMBS CAN EASILY SPIN AROUND. I'M NOT WORRIED ONE WILL ACCIDENTALLY MOVE AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE THUMBS UP BOX IS ACTUALLY THE THUMBS DOWN BOX. YOU GOT IT?

He spins the thumbs up and thumbs down signs

Becky says YEAH, BUT WHY WOULD...

Mr. Botsford says GOOD. AND WHO KNOWS, MAYBE DIGGING AROUND IN ALL THIS CLUTTER YOU MIGHT EVEN FIND SOMETHING VALUABLE. LIKE YOUR MOTHER DID. HEY, HONEY, WHERE YOU GOING?

Mrs. Botsford holds up a box of old items and says says I'M JUST TAKING ALL OUR MOST VALUABLE THINGS DOWN TO THAT NEW GAME SHOW. AS SOMETHING AS SOMETHING.

A black and white TV set plays in the background

Seymour announces says THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S AS SOMETHING AS SOMETHING. JUST LISTEN TO HOW THE GAME WORKS.

A man in overalls and cap on the TV appears. He holds up a statue of dog

Seymour says YOU BRING YOUR MOST VALUABLE SOMETHING DOWN TO OUR STUDIO, AND WE MAKE YOU GUESS SOMETHING. IF YOU GUESS RIGHT, YOU WIN SOMETHING. BUT GUESS WRONG, AND YOUR SOMETHING TURNS INTO MY SOMETHING. SO COME ON DOWN.

A hand grabs the statue in the man’s hand

Mrs. Botsford says WA-HOO! I'M GONNA WIN.

She climbs down the stairs. A moment later, Mr. Botsford follows

Seymour appears on the screen.

He says JOIN ME, YOUR HOST, SEYMOUR ORLANDO SMOOTH. [Bob squeaking]

Seymour says OH, YEAH!

Becky says OH, THIS CAN'T BE GOOD. COME ON, BOB, WORD UP!

They fly off.

The Narrator says LATER, AT THE TV STUDIO

The image changes to World Girl and Huggy hovering in the audience. Seymour stands on a shiny circular stage. At the back is a giant prize wheel. On the stage are two elaborate and colourful podiums.

Word Girl says OKAY, HUGGY, WE KNOW THIS GAME USES SIMILES, BUT IT'S ALSO BEING HOSTED BY SEYMOUR SMOOTH, WHO'S AS CROOKED AS A BENDY STRAW. WE'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT ALL THIS.

Seymour says WELCOME BACK TO AS SOMETHING AS SOMETHING. DID YOU ALL BRING YOUR SOMETHINGS? [cheering]

Seymour says OKAY. BUT, FIRST, LET'S SHOW EVERYONE AT HOME TONIGHT'S GRAND PRIZE. IT'S AN ALL EXPENSES PAID LUXURY OCEAN CRUISE TO BEAUTIFUL NEBRASKA. A screen drops showing images of the country side. The screen is covered in blinking gold and purple lights

[cheering]

An audience member shouts OMAHA!

Seymour says LET'S GET STARTED. CONTESTANT NUMBER ONE, TELL US YOUR NAME...

He talks up to a contestant at the podium. He is an old bald man wearing a blue shirt, brown pants, and a tie with a walrus. On the pedestal next to him a large pile of money and diamonds

The contestant says I’M

Seymour says OUTSTANDING. LET'S START THE GAME.

Seymour stands behind the host podium. It has a large face of Seymour.

Seymour says PLEASE COMPLETE THIS FAMOUS PHRASE. AS SOMETHING, AS SOMETHING.

The contestant says AS LIGHT AS A FEATHER? [buzzing]

Seymour says OH, I'M SORRY, THAT'S WRONG. THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS AS SLIPPERY AS AN EEL. BUT THANKS FOR PLAYING.

Word Girl says HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO GUESS THAT?

Seymour says AND SINCE YOU DIDN'T GUESS OUR SOMETHING, NOW WE GET TO TAKE YOUR SOMETHING.

A large tube appears above the pile of money and diamonds and sucks it up

The contestant says OH, SHUCKS.

Seymour says THAT'S FASCINATING.

He pushes him off to the side and says NOW, LET'S WELCOME OUR NEXT CONTESTANT, Mrs. SALLY BOTSFORD. [cheering]

Mrs. Botsford says THANKS, SEYMOUR, I'M SALLY.

She places her box from the attic onto the pedestal

Seymour says YOU KNOW IT! THAT NEBRASKA CRUISE IS PRACTICALLY YOURS. JUST COMPLETE THIS FAMOUS SAYING, AS SOMETHING, AS SOMETHING.

Mrs. Botsford says AS SOMETHING AS SOMETHING. OKAY, AS BUSY AS A BEE. [buzzing]

Seymour says NOT EVEN CLOSE. THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS AS PLAIN AS DAY.

The crowd shouts AWW!

The tube sucks up her box

Word Girl says OH, NO, MOM!

She flies to the front of the stage

Word Girl says HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, SEYMOUR.

Seymour says WHAT'S THIS? LADIES AND GENTS, WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL GUEST. PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO WORD GIRL. [cheering]

An audience member shouts OMAHA!

Seymour says CARE TO PLAY AS SOMETHING AS SOMETHING?

Word Girl says NO I WOULD NOT. IF YOU ASK ME, YOUR LITTLE GAME ISN'T FAIR. I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT EVEN USING REAL SIMILES.

Seymour says I'M NOT?

Word Girl says NOT BY A LONG SHOT. A SIMILE IS A SAYING THAT COMPARES ONE THING TO ANOTHER BY USING THE WORDS LIKE OR AS. FOR EXAMPLE, YOU COULD SAY MY SIDEKICK, CAPTAIN HUGGY FACE HERE IS AS STRONG AS AN OX, WITH MUSCLES LIKE SOLID STEEL.

Huggy flexes

Word Girl continues AND WHEN I SAY THAT, YOU CAN GET A PICTURE IN YOUR MIND OF AN OX, OR A STEEL BAR, SO YOU KNOW HUGGY MUST BE REALLY STRONG. BOTH OF THOSE COMPARE TWO SPECIFIC THINGS, SO THEY'RE SIMILES. BUT WHAT YOU ASKED FOR, AS SOMETHING AS SOMETHING, NO ONE COULD EVER GUESS WHAT YOU MEAN.

An audience woman shouts HEY, SHE'S RIGHT!

Seymour says WELL, WORD GIRL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, I, SEYMOUR ORLANDO SMOOTH, AM GOING TO GIVE ALL OF TODAY'S CONTESTANTS ANOTHER CHANCE TO WIN THEIR SOMETHINGS BACK, BY ANSWERING NEW AND IMPROVED QUESTIONS.

He grabs the first contestant and places him next to Mrs. Botsford

Seymour continues PLEASE COMPLETE THE FOLLOWING. AS CLEAN AS A SOMETHING.

The contestant says AS CLEAN AS A WALRUS.

Seymour says THAT'S CORRECT!

Word Girl says HUH?

Seymour points to Mrs. Botsford and says YOUR TURN. LIZZIE AND KATIE WERE FIGHTING LIKE CATS AND?

Mrs. Botsford says HOT DOGS!

Seymour says THAT'S RIGHT.

Word Girl says WHAT?

Confetti falls from the ceiling. Bells ring.

Seymour says YOU'RE BOTH BIG, BIG WINNERS, SO GO HOME AND PACK YOUR BAGS. GOOD-BYE.

Word Girl says WOW, MAYBE THIS ISN'T A TRICK. MAYBE YOU'RE JUST REALLY BAD AT SIMILES.

Seymour says YOU KNOW WHAT, WORD GIRL, THAT MUST BE IT. MAYBE WE JUST NEED HELP FROM AN EXPERT. [cheering]

Word Girl says WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I'D SAY...

Seymour says HERE'S A LIST OF ALL THE SIMILES WE NEED FOR THE NEXT SHOW.

He hands her a large list and says WON'T YOU HELP US OUT, PLEASE? CHECK THEM ALL OVER. THE GAME DEPENDS UPON IT. WORD GIRL, YOUR PEOPLE NEED YOU.

Word Girl says UM, OKAY, WHY NOT? I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.

Seymour says GREAT, GREAT.

An audience member yells OMAHA!

The Narrator says LATER...

Becky and Bob sit in the attic. Becky is looking over the list with a pen

Becky says AS BLIND AS A BATHTUB? LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM A BAGEL? HA! I THINK HE MEANT AS BLIND AS A BAT, AND LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY.

[Bob squeaking]

Becky says HUH? OH YEAH, RIGHT, THE CLUTTER PILE. I FORGOT. [Bob squeaking] He holds up a green object

Word Girl says OH, WAIT, IT'S THE WRISTBAND FROM THE SECOND TIME I WENT TO THE WATER PARK.

[Bob squeaking] He throws is into the thumbs up box

Becky says THIS IS REALLY HARD. I HAVE MEMORIES OF WHEN I USED ALL THESE THINGS. IT'S NOT SO EASY TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO THEM.

Mrs. Botsford walks up into the attic and says GREAT NEWS. I WON!

Becky says I KNOW. I MEAN, THAT'S GREAT. BUT WHAT'S WITH THE EMPTY BOX? DIDN'T YOU GET ALL YOUR VALUABLE STUFF BACK?

Mrs. Botsford says OH, SEYMOUR SAID HE NEEDED THAT TO CONFIRM MY PRIZE. HE SAID SINCE THIS WAS THE LAST SHOW WE'LL ALL BE GETTING OUR THINGS BACK IN THE MAIL IN SIX TO EIGHT WEEKS. THAT'S HOW GAME SHOWS WORK, APPARENTLY.

Becky says WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE LAST SHOW? ISN'T WORD GIRL HELPING HIM WITH HIS SIMILES FOR TONIGHT?

Mrs. Botsford says SEYMOUR SAID WORD GIRL DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE SIMILES OR SEYMOUR ANYMORE. HE SAID SHE'D UNDERSTAND ONCE SHE GOT TO THE END OF THE LIST. WELL, HAPPY DECLUTTERING, YOU TWO! I'VE GOT TO PACK FOR MY CRUISE TO NEBRASKA.

She picks up a suitcase full of sticks and walks down the attic stairs

Becky says THE END OF THE LIST?

She skims to the bottom of the list and reads LET'S SEE HERE... AS EASY TO FOOL AS WORD GIRL?! OH!

The Narrator says OOH, THAT'S AS COLD AS ICE.

Becky says OKAY, THAT DOES IT. COME ON, BOB, WORD UP!

She flies off. The thumbs up and thumbs down arrows spin

Teddy walks up into the attic and says HIYA, Mr. B.

Mr. Botsford says TEDDY. READY TO TAKE AWAY ALL THIS CLUTTER?

The scene changes to Seymour piling boxes into his golf cart

Word Girl says FREEZE, SEYMOUR. STAY AS STILL AS A STATUE.

Seymour says SORRY, WORD GIRL, BUT MY SOUPED-UP GOLF CART IS AS FAST AS LIGHTNING. BUT GOOD NEWS, WE CAN STILL PART WITH A SMILE. ZING!

He smiles. The screen flashes white.

Word Girl says WHERE'D HE GO? [Huggy squeaking]

Seymour races off in his golf cart. Word Girl spots him and races after him

Word Girl says AHA! HERE WE COME, SEYMOUR, READY OR NOT. [Huggy squeaking]

Word Girl says WHAT? THE TRASH TRUCK IS HERE?

She turns around and sees Teddy carrying the box with a thumbs down to the trash truck

Word Girl says AND TEDDY THINKS ALL MY FAVOURITE STUFF IS JUST CLUTTER. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

She shakes Huggy

The Narrator says I BLAME SUBSTANDARD LABEL DESIGN.

Word Girl says OH, THIS IS REALLY TERRIBLE TIMING. [Huggy squeaking]

Word Girl says YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW, VILLAINS FIRST.

She flies off

Seymour says SEYMOUR ORLANDO SMOOTH, YOU ARE AS SLICK AS GREASE. [clanging]

Seymour says OH, NO! SUDDENLY, I'M AS SLOW AS A TORTOISE.

The golf cart stops moving

He continues TYKE TO KICK THIS GETAWAY CART INTO HIGH GEAR.

The golf cart is lifted into the air

Seymour screams NO, THAT'S TOO HIGH, TOO HIGH!

Word Girl carries the golf cart over the city

Seymour says MARK MY WORDS, WORD GIRL, I'M AS CLEVER AS A FOX. YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF SEYMOUR ORLANDO SMOOTH.

Word Girl says OKAY, GOTTA GO, BYE.

She drops the golf cart on top of the prison tower and flies off Prisoners play basketball below

Seymour shouts CAN ONE OF YOU GET ME A LADDER? HEY, SOMEBODY GET ME A LADDER!

The scene changes to Word Girl flying at super speed

Word Girl says I JUST HOPE WE'RE NOT TOO LATE TO SAVE OUR STUFF. IF WE ARE, I'LL JUST BE... [Huggy squeaking]

The trash truck crushes her belongings. An eyeball from her stuffed animal bounces onto the street

Word Girl frowns and says CRUSHED.

Inside the attic, Mr. Botsford says NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A CLUTTER-FREE ATTIC.

Becky walks into the attic

Mr. Botsford says WHAT'S THE MATTER, PUMPKIN?

Becky says I GUESS I'M JUST SAD THAT ALL MY FAVOURITE STUFF IS GONE. I HAD SO MANY MEMORIES IN THAT BOX.

Mr. Botsford says WELL, HAVING FUN STUFF TO REMIND YOU OF GOOD TIMES IS NICE. BUT SOMETIMES, MEMORIES CAN BE EVEN BETTER BECAUSE THEY LIVE ON FOREVER IN YOUR HEART.

Becky mumbles YEAH, I GUESS SO. BUT I STILL KIND OF WISH I'D SAVED THAT WRISTBAND FROM THE SECOND TIME WE WENT TO THE WATER PARK.

Mr. Botsford says OH, THAT'S TOO BAD. I ONLY SAVED THIS WRISTBAND FROM THE SECOND TIME WE WENT TO THE WATER PARK.

He holds up a green wristband

Becky shouts DAD, YOU SAVED IT? FOR ME?

Mr. Botsford says OF COURSE I SAVED IT. I SAVED MINE, TOO. HOW COULD WE EVER THROW THOSE AWAY? DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE WATER WAS AS WARM AS A BATHTUB THAT DAY.

Becky says AND THE WATER SLIDES WERE AS SCARY AS A HUNDRED MONSTER MOVIES.

Mr. Botsford says AND DO YOU REMEMBER THOSE MILKSHAKES WE HAD? THEY WERE AS COLD AS THE NORTH POLE. THE TOWELS WERE AS DRY AS THE DESERT.

The Narrator says AW, AREN'T THEY JUST AS CUTE AS A COUPLE OF BUTTONS? AND SO ONCE AGAIN, WORD GIRL PROVES SHE'S AS SLICK AS SEYMOUR ORLANDO SMOOTH. AND THE BOTSFORDS END UP WITH A DECLUTTERED ATTIC THAT'S AS CLEAN AS A WHISTLE.

The image changes to Mrs. Bostford and the other game show contestant waiting at a dock

SO REMEMBER, IF YOU LIKE ACTION, ADVENTURE AND A GOOD SIMILE, YOU'LL BE AS HAPPY AS A CLAM WHEN YOU TUNE IN TO THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF "WORD GIRL."

Inside the attic, Mr. Botsford says THE SUN WAS AS HOT AS THE SUN.

Word Girl says HA... HA.