Turkey in a Can

Louise: Dad, why are you massaging the turkey now? Maybe it's tense. I'll make it some tea. I'm doing a three-day salt rub. I call it Father of the Brine. Huh? Ha! Thank you. It's special since we're having Teddy, Mort... (barking) ...and your Aunt Gayle over. I don't see why Gayle and her cats have to stay with us all week. She had to vacate her place because of the fire, Bob. She put her dental dams in the dryer. What are dental dams? Nothing. Forget it. Don't say it at school. Didn't she used to only have one cat? Ah, she adopted one last week. And then she found one on her way over here. She's a cat magnet. Oh, it was so sad. He was just sitting... on someone's porch, poor little guy. Just sittin' there. Just sitting there in the sun. Aah. (sneezes) Ugh. Ugh, cat hair. Take one of the allergy pills I got you! Well, Dad, I hope you're not allergic to melody and rhythm and sexy lyrics, 'cause our guests are going to love my Thanksgiving song! Ugh. Every year, I try and tell you guys that nobody really sings Thanksgiving songs. You bite your tongue! Think about it. Why aren't there any Thanksgiving carols? I'm gonna write a classic and make a million dollars! And then I'm going to buy a car! I believe in you, Gene. I'll be in your... ♪ Song...! ♪ Great, but you don't get any of the profits, and I'm going to be very critical. Ha! I love it! (keyboard plays gentle tune) Welp, good luck with your song. And don't be offended if everyone's talking about how great my turkey is while you're trying to sing. Sounds like someone's afraid of being upstaged. (meowing) You are. You are. (sneezes) Oh, God. Get out of here! Bob, stop hitting my cats! And God bless you. I'm not hitting them! I'm petting their rear legs. Tina: Mom? Whoa! I need your opinion on something. Ooh, I love it! Braveheart meets Coco Chanel! I need to decide which color I'm wearing when I sit at the adults' table on Thursday. No, no lipstick, Tina. You're-you're too young. And you're sitting at the kids table like you always do when we have guests.