The Agreement Dissection


 * Penny: Sheldon, have you ever kissed a girl?
 * Sheldon: Other than my mother, my sister and my Meemaw, no. But in the interest of full disclosure, I was once on a bus and had to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to an elderly nun who passed out from heat exhaustion. Every year I get a Christmas card from her, signed with far too many X’s and O’s.


 * Penny: Oh, we are so taking you dancing.
 * Sheldon: No, you most certainly are not.
 * Bernadette: (she's asking Sheldon crossly) Well, what does your cotillion training say is expected of a gentleman when three ladies ask him to escort them to a dance soiree?
 * Sheldon: I saved a nun’s life. Why am I being punished?
 * (Sheldon sips the last drop of milk through his blue straw furiously)


 * Sheldon: Leonard, are you in the shower?
 * Leonard: I can't hear you, I'm in the shower!
 * Sheldon: I asked if you were in the shower, but that’s moot now.
 * Leonard: What?
 * Sheldon: Moot. Rendered unimportant by recent events.
 * Leonard: I can’t hear you, I’m in the shower.


 * Sheldon: I have to skip the chitchat! Emergency!
 * Leonard: What kind of emergency?
 * Sheldon: Mathematical! Thirty-two-ounce banana smoothie, sixteen ounce bladder!


 * Sheldon: According to the Roommate Agreement, paragraph nine, subsection B, the right to bathroom privacy is suspended in the event of force majeure, and believe me, I'm experiencing a very majeure force!


 * Priya: Hang on, no. My client does not waive reading of the charges.
 * Leonard: Cool, I've got a lawyer... and I've seen her naked.


 * Leonard: Top of her class. Cambridge University. Licensed to practice law in three countries and your face.


 * Priya: Section seven here, on the right to enter the bathroom in emergency situations, is not specific as to what constitutes an emergency.
 * Sheldon: That's ridiculous. A bathroom emergency is self-explanatory.
 * Priya: Is it? If Leonard forgot to trim his nose hair, could he barge in while you were showering?
 * Sheldon: Irrelevant. Leonard doesn't trim his nose hair. He thinks because he's short, nobody can see up there.
 * Priya: My point is, Sheldon, the legal principle is ambiguity in a contract benefits the party that did not draft it. In this case, Leonard. So much for count one.
 * Sheldon: But--
 * Priya: There's no buts, Sheldon. That's how the law works.
 * Leonard: Schooled!


 * Sheldon: (knock-knock-knock) Penny. (knock-knock-knock) Penny. (knock-knock-knock) Penny.
 * Penny: Hey, what's up?
 * Sheldon: (speaks indignantly about Priya) The mean Indian lady tried to make me eat lamb. Congratulations, pizza night will now be at your apartment. Order one.
 * Penny: Sorry, honey, I'm meeting Amy and Bernadette for dinner, but you're welcome to tag along.
 * Sheldon: A girls' night? Oh, I don't know if I'm up for an evening talking about rainbows, unicorns and menstrual cramps.
 * Penny: Okay, suit yourself. We'll probably be trashing Priya a little.
 * Sheldon: Shotgun!


 * [The nightclub bar scene where Sheldon and the girl trio of Penny, Bernadette and Amy are drinking. The girls are drinking alcoholic cranberry cocktails and Sheldon is drinking a glass of milk].
 * Penny: Okay, I’d like to propose a toast to a wonderful girls' night out.
 * Amy: Fair warning, we can get ker-razy.
 * Bernadette: Yeah. Last week we smoked cigars and pretended to be dragons.
 * Sheldon: Really, Amy? Tobacco and alcohol? Need I remind you not a lot of scientific discoveries were made by people having a good time?
 * Amy: (asking a question to Penny crossly) Why did you bring him? He's harshing my buzz.
 * Penny: (grumpy) I felt sorry for him. Priya’s giving him a hard time.
 * Bernadette: (she's excited with sarcasm) Ooh, the Priya bashing’s starting early. Yay!
 * (Amy and Penny smile for one second at the sarcastic thing Bernadette had said)
 * Bernadette: (she's asking both girls crossly) Okay, what’s up with those pantsuits?
 * Amy: I need some context.
 * Penny: Pantsuits suck.
 * Amy: And that opens her up To justifiable ridicule for wearing them. Good one, Bernadette. (Bernadette grins for a second and Amy now speaks to Sheldon) See? Ker-razy.
 * [Sheldon shakes his head once as the scene now fades to black]


 * Penny: Take us to a place we can waltz.
 * Taxi driver: Where you can what?
 * Sheldon: Waltz. It’s a social dance from Austria, choreographed to a three-four time signature.
 * (Sings Blue Danube. The taxi driver says something into radio in Korean. The word “waltz” is included. Dispatcher replies also in Korean. Taxi driver sings Blue Danube. Dispatcher says “oh, waltz!” They speak Korean some more.)
 * Amy: (singing) I kissed a girl and I liked it... (Mumbling) Hope my boyfriend don't mind it...
 * Sheldon: What happened to you?


 * Priya: So, what happens when it counts down?
 * Sheldon: Unless Leonard signs the new agreement in the next 41 seconds, this computer will send an email to your parents in India, saying that you're in a secret relationship with the whiter-than-marshmallow-fluff Leonard Hofstadter.


 * Amy: You smell like baby powder.
 * Sheldon: It’s talc. But as that’s a primary ingredient of baby powder, I understand your confusion.
 * Amy: Oh, I’m not confused at all. You’re like a sexy toddler.
 * Sheldon: I don’t know how to process that.
 * Bernadette: I do. Amy and Sheldon sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-S-S-I-N-G.
 * Penny: That’s too many S’s for kissing.
 * Bernadette: Not if they’re doing it for a long time.


 * Bernadette: That doesn’t count. Aren’t you even a little curious?
 * Penny: Yeah, you’re a scientist, where is the curiosity?
 * Amy: I’m available for experimentation.
 * Sheldon: Thank you. Not necessary. We know everything there is to know about kissing. It requires 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles.
 * Amy: Oh, blah, blah, blah. Give me some sugar, bestie
 * Sheldon: I’m certainly glad no one said they were curious about Aztec human sacrifice.
 * Penny: Hey, I know, let’s take Sheldon dancing.
 * Bernadette: Oh, I totally want to see Sheldon dance. I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate.
 * Sheldon: No, thank you, but for the record, I’m an excellent dancer. Proficient in the rumba, waltz and cha-cha.
 * Amy: Really?
 * Sheldon: I don’t see why that’s surprising. I excel at so many things. You’ve had my sourdough bread.
 * (Amy nods her head grumpily)


 * Sheldon: You may have gone to Cambridge, but I'm an honorary graduate of Star Fleet Academy.


 * Sheldon: Oh, memory impairment. The free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle.


 * (Ricky the smoking monkey is screeching in the background)
 * Amy: They were out of menthol's, get off my back! Not easy living with a temperamental little primate.
 * Leonard: (shouting from the bedroom) Come on, Priya, just admit I embarrass you!
 * Sheldon: You're preaching to the choir, sister.


 * Sheldon: (Triple knock) Penny. (Triple knock) Penny. (Triple knock) Penny.
 * Penny: What?
 * Sheldon: Move. Move. Move!


 * [The scene at the nightclub bar pulling the chair down with excitement]
 * Bernadette: Whee-ee-ee!


 * Penny: Did you take dance lessons?
 * Sheldon: Against my will. In the South, pre-adolescent children are forced through a process called cotillion, which indoctrinates them with all the social graces and dance skills needed to function in 18th century Vienna.