The Pest

[Episode starts with Gumball and Darwin trying to sleep. There is debris dropping from the ceiling while there is something like an earthquake going on. Some ceiling pieces fall into Darwin's fishbowl and are sucked up his nostrils. Darwin sneezes, shattering the fishbowl and waking up. Some water flies into Gumball's snoring mouth and he wakes up too.]|event}}


 * [Water pouring from his mouth as he speaks in fright] What is that?


 * I love you.

[''Anais continues to swing punches around, and almost punches Gumball's face. The wind caused by her movement blows against his flinching face.'']


 * [Panicking] Ok, I admit I swapped your smashed pills for turtle flakes and that's why everyone at school calls you "Kraken Breath"! And I kept messing up your sunscreen when you were born - you didn't really have a facial birthmark in the shape of a goat - I thought if you looked cursed, Mom wouldn't love you more than me! And I put stones in your pockets when you were a baby, 'cause I was scared you'd grow taller than me, which is why you're medically classified as a cephalopod! H'and I think that's everything - you're gonna hit me?


 * [Sighs briefly, shaking her head] This isn't about you.


 * [Sighs in relief] Thank heavens. Shshh, Darwin, abort the mission.

[''It turns out that Darwin was holding a small spade raised just behind Anais. He throws it aside.'']


 * So, if you're not angry at Gumball, who are you angry at?


 * Such kid at the school, he's gonna wish he'd never been born.

[Anais continues to beat up the pillar.]


 * Wowowowowowo, you just can't go to the school and beat that kid you don't like.


 * If we resort to violence we are not better than beasts.


 * Like wolves, or bears, or eagles!


 * Which are actually pretty rad animals... But do you know what this awesome animals would say about this? They would say...

[Gumball makes convincing wolf and bear noises]


 * ...which probably means, violence is not the answer!


 * But-


 * No! You're gonna patch things up to this pest, with the help of your big brother!

[''Scene changes to Elmore Junior High. The three Wattersons are walking down the hallway just after the school bell rings.'']


 * Ok, first I want you to learn what it means to hurt someone.


 * I'm the one who-


 * No arguing! You wanna use violence? Then first you need to understand how it makes people feel!


 * Wait, what?


 * Hit 'im.


 * Guys, you don't understand.


 * Do it!

[Darwin grabs Anais's hand and throws it at Gumball to make her slap him.]


 * [Dramatically] Oh, I feel pain! But also sorrow, isn't there a better solution to our problem?

[Darwin grabs Anais entirely and throws her on top of Gumball, who moans.]


 * The violence inflicted upon me has unsealed the rage - that can only lead to more violence.

[''This time Gumball picks up Anais, and uses her like a baton to hit Darwin. She is surprised while Darwin moans dramatically.'']


 * As an innocent bystander I felt unjustly hurt - the violence has now become... a viscous circle!

[''Again they use her limp arms to slap each other. The action escalates into Anais becoming a small, involuntary chain-slapping tornado.'']


 * See what happen when you let yourself be an answer (??) to violence?! Everyone gets hurt!


 * [Still spinning] You don't understand! I'm the one who is getting picked on!

[Gumball grabs Anais by the cheeks to stop abruptly stop the spin.]


 * Then forget everything I said-

[Gumball transforms into a Super Saiyan, including the art style of the referenced anime.]


 * Let's nail this guuuuuuuuuuy!


 * Come on man, we both know this is just posturing.


 * Yeah, but I thought you might buy it if I went big. Let's just find an actual solution.

[The scene changes to the library, where Gumball is taking a print-out from a printer by the computers.]


 * Ok, I printed off a list of solutions for dealing with pests, from the experts on Elmopedia.


 * [Dismissively] Who wrote it?


 * Whoever logged into the webpage within last three minutes.


 * That can be anyone, how do we know they're an expert?


 * Don't worry, on the Internet, everyone's an expert. [Like us amazing Wikia editors - sorry, I couldn't hold myself.]


 * Solution number one: You need to stop feeling powerless.

[Anais picks up and angrily tears in half what appears to be a hardcover dictionary.]


 * Solution number two: If they're getting you down, try boosting your self esteem.

[''The scene changes. They are now standing by the mirrors and sinks in a school dressing room.'']


 * So, Anais, look at yourself, What do you see?


 * Nothing.

[Anais's head is level only with the sink, which Darwin then puts her on top of.]


 * Now, what do you see?


 * [Sighs briefly] I see an ugly drooling rabbit.


 * [Gasps] That's not true.

[As Anais points, Gumball notices the drawing of an ugly rabbit taped to the locker behind them in the mirror reflection.]


 * Oh.

[Gumball draws some squiggly lines around the rabbit drawing, presumably sun rays.]


 * [Dreamily] What I see is a radiant little girl.


 * [Bluntly] Or really smelly one.

[Gumball adds to the drawing an open mouth with a few teeth showing.]


 * A young lady who smiles at life.


 * Inspired for really poor dental hygiene.

[''Gumball adds large pupils to the eyes of the drawing... both looking different directions. The name "Anais" appears under the drawing in the next shot of the drawing.'']


 * I girl who confidently looks to the future.


 * And the past at the same time.

[Anais hops off the sink.]


 * Look, I get what you're trying to do - but trust me - this kid is too annoying.

[Anais puts on a face red with rage, with thick angry eyebrows.]


 * Every word that comes out of his mouth makes me angrier that a goat on fire!


 * [Quietly repeating] A goat on...


 * Anyway that brings us neatly on to solution number three - ignoring him - I'll show you!

[''They are now on the school football field. Anais and Darwin stand on the running tracks as Gumball sits cross-legged on the grass in front of them, in a meditation pose.'']


 * I am entering a state of calm where no words or actions can harm me...

[Sunshine and rainbows and a little Zen-like island appears behind him.]


 * Come on, try me...

[The view shifts to Anais and Darwin who are yelling and waving their arms at him, unheard.]


 * No matter what you say, I cannot be affected...

[''Anais and Darwin point to something off-screen. Gumball, in his own world, is surrounded by the chirps of birds and gently falling petals.'']


 * You can scream as much as you like but nothing...

[''Gumball gets swept away by a group of passing muscly football players. They sweep back and drop a beaten-up Gumball at the same place, his meditation pose surprisingly unchanged.'']


 * [Painfully] As I was...

[A football lands right next to Gumball, and a nearby jock accidentally kicks him off instead.]

[''The scene changes to the school playground. Anais is picking up the pieces of Gumball, which are all scattered around as Darwin reads from the printout.'']


 * Solution four: Try to avoid the person who has upset you.


 * How? we're in the same school.

[''Anais attaches Gumball's tale back onto his body, as if screwing on a wooden leg to a chair. Darwin plops Gumball's head on his shoulders.'']


 * Simple, you just stay twenty feet away of him at all times, like this.

[''Darwin walks backwards a few steps away. (Motionless) Gumball's left arm is still on the floor beside him.'']


 * Now take a step.

[''Anais takes a step. Darwin takes a matching step to preserve the distance.'']


 * See? there's nothing you can do to hurt me from this distance.

[The school bell rings and they begin to walk towards the building, with Darwin keeping the distance and watching Anais.]


 * This is absolutely safe - there's no way you can-

[''Darwin walks into the basketball pole. The metal hoop falls on his head and knocks him out cold.'']

[The scene changes to show Gumball and Anais in Miss Simian's classroom (empty).]


 * Solution number five, ask an authority figure for help.

[''Darwin is shown outside the classroom window, teetering on tall stilts he has made by strapping together gardening and janitorial equipment. He is trying to commit to his "preserve a distance" rule.'']


 * Oh man, why don't they make that solution number one?


 * Very well, what's the problem with this kid bothering you?


 * He doesn't like me.


 * [Sarcastically] I see, well there must be something in this rule book for when people don't like you! [She throws onto her desk a thick book and flips through the pages.] Weird, there is nothing! How about a rule against you ever having to face disappointment! [Flips through again] No? Maybe one about over-protected little snowflakes who need to be shielded from the real world!


 * Ok, we get it. But please - this kid's horrible!


 * [Slamming shut the book] You wanna see horrible?

[Miss Simian points to a large scar behind her head.]


 * Two million years ago bashed on the head with a rock by two Homo erectus parents because I taught their kid how to make fire.

[Miss Simian puts her leg on the table and slightly pulls up her skirt to show another large scar on her knee.]


 * Four thousand I got chased out of the tribe for trying to integrate the wheel into the curriculum.

[Miss Simian stands up with her back to the window and raises up her skirt to reveal her rear.]


 * On the day of Columbus's arrival...


 * Uh - forget it!

[Gumball and Anais proceed to leave classroom]


 * ...fell over on the wet floor - the timing was just a coincidence but it still really hurt.

[''As Miss Simian sits down, Darwin can be seen through the window with a pale, terrified face. Miss Simian shows her elbow to where she though Gumball and Anais were still standing while Darwin (on stilts) faints.'']


 * Salem 1692, witch hunt!

[''The scene switches to the school hallway again. Gumball is sitting against locker while across from him are Anais and Darwin (side by side again), beneath a window.]''


 * [Sighing with frustration], there's no solutions left.


 * I guess I'm back to [angrily] destroying my enemy!


 * And you know the best way to destroy an enemy?

[Anais shows a karate chop.]


 * No, I mean to make sure they stop.

[Anais thrusts a knee between her out held arms, simultaneously pulling them back.]


 * No, I mean to get rid of him forever.

[Anais makes a number of gestures including her typing on a keyboard and a missile being dropped.]


 * Wha-was that?


 * A tactical satellite attack.


 * No Anais, the only way to destroy an enemy forever [Sweetly] is to make them your friend.

[The scene changes. As the lunch bell rings Gumball, Darwin and Anais throw open the cafeteria doors, looking nervous.]


 * [Nervously] All right let's make friends with this monster. Where is he?

[Anais points and then the audience is shown Billy, sitting at a table next Bobert and an Egghead.]


 * TAN TAN TAN!


 * Actually let's do that again.

[Anais points and then the audience is shown Billy, sitting at a table next Bobert and an Egghead.]


 * [Imitating a trombone sound] Wuh wuh wuh wuuuaah!


 * Billy? [Chuckling] Seriously? [Trying to imitate Anais] Widdle Billy? Widdle Billy being mean to you?

[Darwin chuckles.]


 * Don't let him fool you! He's more annoying than dancing in a shoe that goes "weeh"!


 * [Dismissively] Heh I think we'll be fine. Also what's up with all these weird metaphors?

[Gumball approaches Billy]


 * [Mockingly] Oh, hello Anais, why do you look so perturbed. Is it a bee in your bonnet? Oh no, that's right, t'was [a "B"] on your test paper!

[''Billy laughs snobbishly. Anais hisses like an angry bat, sprouting menacing bat teeth'']


 * [Mockingly] Oh, Hello Gumball, nice sweater. Oh, Twenty-Eleven called and said to keep it, as it wasn't cool when you started wearing it!

[''Billy laughs harder. Anais hisses harder, now also with her eyes black like a bat's eyes.'']


 * Anais, do you not hang out with anyone who isn't a member of your family? Oh no, that's right, you don't have any other friends.

[Billy laughs again, clapping his hands in delight.]


 * Ok, we were wrong. Anais, destroy this guy.

[''Darwin and Gumball hold out their hands to give way to Anais for her to attack. She takes a very deep breath from her nose and with a determined face she runs off in the opposite direction and off the screen.'']


 * Anais, where are you going?


 * Right, that's it!

[''Gumball pulls off the fur from one hand with the other, like a glove, revealing a skin-colored hand beneath it. He slaps Billy with it (signalling a challenge to a duel) and throws the fur/glove on the floor. When he crosses his arms afterwards, his hands are both blue again.'']


 * The gauntlet has been thrown down - nobody talks to my sister like that!

[''Billy pulls off Bobert's arm, and uses it to slap Gumball back - except the impact of this "glove" gives him a black eye. The arm is tossed next to the fur/glove.'']


 * I accept! We shall duel at noon in the school yard!


 * [Passionately, with raised fists, as Billy walks away] Alright, let's do this!

[Immediately Gumball turns around and sulks in front of Darwin.]


 * [Vexed] I can't do this!


 * What?!


 * I can't fight a little kid, it's not a fair match.

[Gumball straightens up and gasps as he gets an idea.]


 * I know!

[''The scene changes to Darwin standing in the school playground. Gumball hops over to him with great effort, because he tied one arm behind his back and bound both legs with rope.'']


 * Hmmm. I suppose this makes it more fair but why the stuff up your nose?


 * Give myself a handicap.


 * Why do you need such a sense of smell in a fight?


 * [Unsure] To smell fear?


 * [Marching in] Lord Watterson! 'tis time to pay for your offense!

[He shows a stick on the floor.]


 * Choose your weapon: fighting staff or fists!


 * Weapons? are you crazy? Fists, I choose fists.


 * Very Well, I choose the staff!


 * What? I thought we were-

[''Billy mercilessly swings the stick at Gumball's head. Gumball narrowly dodges it. And begins to hop away. Billy let's out a half-evil, half-mocking laugh.'']


 * You can hide, but you can't run!

[''Billy proceeds to chase Gumball. They head into the cafeteria. Gumball leaps across a table and tries to cut his ropes with a spork, to get rid of his unfair disadvantage. It doesn't work. He sees Leslie nearby holding plastic scissors.'']


 * Leslie, your scissors!

[''Leslie tosses the scissors to Gumball who grabs them and dodges another swing from Billy. As Billy topples over, Gumball hops away.'']


 * Come back you coward!

[Gumball hides behind a column and struggles to cut the rope with the plastic scissors.]


 * Aww man, isn't there anything dangerous left in school this days?!


 * Gumball use this stale crinkle cut cut fry!

[''He tosses it over to Gumball. He uses the fry, which cuts the rope like a knife. Billy notices him. Gumball runs away, leaping from table to table as Billy pursues him with swing after swing.'']


 * Can't we just stop and talk this through!


 * Oh, can you only do one thing at once? Luckily I can move my body and mouth at the same time, so I may concurrently fight you and tell you how badly you are losing!


 * If you want to be me, you gotta be fast!

[Gumball back-flips, hits his head on a table behind him and falls onto a nearby chair, his face getting planted onto the table in front of him.]


 * Did you mean fast asleep?

[Gumball sits up and unknowingly knocks away Billy who was standing right behind him, ready to strike.]


 * Darwin! The kitchen! I need a sword!

[A banana lands into Gumball's outstretched hand as he holds back Billy with his other hand.]


 * Something more hardcore!

[Gumball shoves Billy aside and catches the microwave thrown at him by Darwin.]


 * Ok, something less hardcore...

[This time a spatula lands into his hand.]


 * Aha!

[Gumball leaps in front of Billy and takes a sword-fighting stance.]


 * [Grandly.] Now, get ready for my next move...

[''After a moment's pause, Gumball darts away through the door behind him. Billy lowers his weapon for a moment disbelief.'']


 * Come back and fight you guard-less worm!


 * [Running] Why are you so mean and sarcastic, can't you just be nice?

[''Gumball hides behind Teri, shoving her at Billy. Billy simply flips her sideways as she is paper-thin and pokes Gumball with his stick, first in the face, then in the back. Gumball resumes running.'']


 * What is your problem?


 * I'm defending my honor!

[Gumball hides behind Carrie, who looks indifferent.]


 * What's so honorable about picking on a little girl?


 * You're a girl?


 * No dude, my sister.


 * Oh, yes of course.

[''Billy pokes Gumball's face through Carrie, who remains indifferent. Gumball runs off. The chase continues as they clash their weapons as they sidestep down a staircase.] ''


 * Need I remind that matters between your sister and I are none of your concern you charmless ninny!

[''Gumball then grabs Alan by the string to use as a shield. Alan is shocked.'']


 * Dude, it's kind of hard to solve this problem if I don't know what's going on!


 * I could wrote a whole book about thing you don't know - wouldn't be much use to you though - there'd be no pictures in it!

[''As Alan is too high, Billy easily pokes Gumball again. The chase continues as they run into the gym, jump onto a trampoline and grab onto an adjacent pair of climbing ropes. They continue to "sword"-fight as they swing.'']


 * Well if I'm gonna get my butt kicked I wanna know why!


 * Your vastly inferior fighting skills may have something to do with it!


 * Can I please just have a normal conversation with you!


 * I don't know, can you?


 * Alright, enough - let's just stop!


 * Yes, yes, it isn't working anyway.

[They climb down from the ropes and Gumball throws down his spatula.]


 * I refuse to fight! [Softly] I believe who's Gandhi who once said, "Dude, don't fight, take a chill pill and everything will be awlright." So, what that means is we can work this out - what do ya think?


 * [Softly] I think... I think... [Suddenly] I think you shouldn't have dropped your weapon!

[''Gumball catches the stick between his hands mid-swing. Billy then pokes it between Gumball's hands into Gumball's teeth, repeatedly.'']


 * Alright enough!

[With one fell swoop, Gumball opens his mouth unnaturally wide and gobbles up Billy's stick.]


 * It's over! Now, explain yourself, why do you hate my sister?


 * [Sighs in defeat. Dramatically] There was one a little boy who-


 * Can we just stick to the subject please?


 * The boy is me, it's a story about me.


 * Oh, sorry, please continue.


 * [Dramatically] Billy was once a happy boy.

[Billy proceeds to tell a story visualized by amazingly accurate shadows he makes on the wall using the sunlight falling on his hands.]


 * Mother and papa were prosperous and treated him well, showering him with him all manner and gifts and fancies, and in the school he was top of the class, with myriad friends.


 * Yes, young Billy had the perfect life. But sometimes perfect is not enough. One day he met a sublime young lady, with who he had much in common. He gave her his heart, but she did not feel the same, and she rent the heart in twain.

Hurt and humiliated, poor Billy now hides in the shadow of spite and sarcasm...

[Billy ends his shadow show with his hands clasped together in sorrow.]


 * Ok, first how did you do that with your hands? That was amazing. And secondly, ah join the club dude!


 * [Imitating Billy with a mocking voice] Little Billy's life is awesome and is very intelligent and rrrich but Anais doesn't love'm, so now he is a brroken man!


 * Things don't always work out the way you want in life, dude.


 * [Genuinely surprised] What do you mean?


 * I mean, everyone is slightly unhappy. Life has highs and lows - and for the record, for most people on this planet life completely blows. So why make it worse by fighting?


 * Oh, I feel rather silly. Silly Billy.


 * That's alright man, I would bend down and give a hug but I swallowed the stupid stick of yours, do you mind?

[''Gumball opens wide his arms. Billy does the same and begins to approach him.'']


 * [Warmly] Of course, it would you be my-

[Anais rushes in out of nowhere and sends Billy soaring with a flying kick]


 * Where've you been?


 * I needed to go run-up to give him all i've got.


 * [From off-screen] Is this one of those low points you spoke of?


 * How many bents in your arm?


 * Three!


 * Nyeah, that's about a medium.

{end of episode}