Breakup in Paris

( Theme music playing ) Okay, now give me a synonym for perfect. - Bailey. - ( Giggles ) Hey! Hey, Cody, remember those smoking twins we dated in middle school? No, I don't remember any twins. Sure you do! Jessica and Janice: Blonde, British, beautiful. We took them to the movies. ( Scoffs ) No, must not have been me. Yeah it was! You even wrote yours a poem. "My little British crumpet, don't take my heart and dump it. " Aw, cute. We never really dated. They were just homely friends of ours-- bad teeth, blotchy skin, one of them had a hump. She probably got a job as a bell-ringer. She sure rang your bell. ( Unison ) Cody! Good thing that hump cleared up. Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows - we say - hey-ho, let's go! - oh ay oh - this boat's rocking - 'cause we're living - the suite life us no - oh ay oh - this boat's rocking - oh ay oh - rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! I just found the girl I'm going to marry. - Which one? - All of them. Hey, guys, what do you think? - Gorgeous. - I'm in love. Whoa. I like you and all, Marcus, but I'm talking about me getting my braces off. I'm gonna be a babe magnet. Yeah, the braces were the thing holding you back. You're in the way. Boys, now that we've docked in Florida, - I'm leaving the boat. - So sorry to see you go. - Best of luck to you. - Enjoy your golden years of retirement. For the weekend. And for the record, I'm not even 40. - Sure you aren't. - If you say so. You're only as old as you feel. London has arrived. - London tipton? - Yes. Nice to meet you. I'm Cindy Cannon, former supermodel and current head of the Cindy Cannon modeling agency. - Oh. - So did you come to watch the shoot? Nope, to be in it. I figured you'd want to use me since I am the prettiest girl in the world. - Who says? - Everyone. I even have the certificate. Is that the president's signature? Mm-hmm and congress, whoever he is. Well, I agree with our nation's leaders that you're very pretty, but these girls are all professionals. I'm afraid I can't use you. One moment. ( Dialing ) Hi, daddy! Can you buy the Cindy Cannon modeling agency? - Thank you. - ( Phone rings ) Hello? How much?! Okay. Congratulations, London, you are a model. ( British accent ) Our first modeling job, this is so exciting. - Really exciting. - ( Groans ) Janice. Just once can't you come up with your own adjective? - Twit. - That's a noun. Okay annoying twit. - ( Camera clicking ) - London, loosen up. - You're too stiff. - ( Grunts ) I can't smile and move at the same time. Luckily neither of those things is important in modeling. Oh, good. Oh, Bailey, look, I promise you when it comes to Jessica you have nothing to worry about. Oh, I'm not worried. Now I get why you would be jealous with her being a model and all, but it's completely unwarranted. I'm not jealous. "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much. " Well hello, ladies. My name is Zack, but you can call me anytime. Here's my number. That's waterproof, by the way. Hey, I gotta get myself one of those. You know, I've been stapling my numbers to girls-- they don't seem to like that! Hey, get away from my models. They're working. Definitely working for me. If I catch you near my girls again, I'm going to cut you open and I'm going to suck your insides out the way my plastic surgeon does to my thighs. Wow, she's mean and descriptive. - ( Phone rings ) - Oh, not this loser again. Hi, sweetheart, how was school? Okay, if we can't talk to the models while they're working, we'll just have to talk to them after work. Like at a party. If we throw a party and Mr. moseby finds out, he'll make us clean the propeller. While it's on! I have two words for you: Mo dels. My favorite two words. Jess, don't you think Zack looks gorgeous? Oh, he's coming over. How do I look? How do I look? Just like me, but nervous. Hey, Janice, are you free tonight? Oh, Zack, I was hoping you'd ask me. - We're throwing a party on the sky deck. - That sounds fantastic. Make sure you bring all your cute coworkers. Oh, all right. Janice, we have another shoot tomorrow. Cindy wants all the models in bed by 8:00. If we break curfew, we could lose our jobs. Here's an idea-- ding! Don't tell Cindy. But that would be wrong. Really wro-- um, inappropriate. Great, so you see where I'm going with this? See you there? ( Unison ) Okay. I have three words for you: Fan tas tic. - Hey, Jessica. - Oh, hi, Cody. Look, I've kinda got a big problem. You see, my girlfriend Bailey, - she's the jealous type. - Really? She didn't come across that way. Oh, trust me, she is. So I would just appreciate it if you would play down what we had together. What did we have? Boom! Exactly. You know what? Thanks for being a help. You're a great friend. Come on. Oh, okay. - Cody. - Bailey, uhhh! It's not what it looks like. Jessica was teaching me - how to samba. - What? Is it hot in here? No. But I'll go get you some ice water. Do you want anything? Oh, how sweet. No thanks. Wow. I apologize for Bailey's behavior. She's obviously crazed with jealousy. Wow. ( Blowing ) ( Wheezing ) I've been Blowing for Six hours. Hey, Woody, didn't I tell you we have a pump? I hate You. ( Squeaks ) Zack, this beach-party thing was genius. What could be better than babes in bikinis? Babes in a bouncy castle. That is better. Speaking of which, I've gotta bounce. Marcus, I have a big problem. No, you cannot hang your stuff in my closet anymore. Zack found your dresses last time and he still thinks they're mine. Not that. Earlier today I noticed that the other models kept trying to get their pictures taken too! Hmmm, weird! I know! And I do not like it. - I want you to get rid of them. - London, you can just get rid of people that you don't like. Sure I can. I have a permit. - Is that signed by the president?! - And congress. Still don't know who he is. Zack, something dreadful's happened. - Really dreadful. - Girls, girls, please, less bickering, more bouncing-- whee! - We ran into Cindy in the lobby. - So? So? Afterwards she's headed up here to relax. What?! She'll take my models and suck on my insides. I like my insides. They keep my outsides from caving in. Come on, everyone. We have to go before Cindy gets here. No no no, the party's just getting started. We just need to send somebody down there to distract her. - And by somebody, I mean Woody. - Yeah! Wait, what? How am I supposed to distract her? - Ask her for some modeling tips. - Girl: Yeah! Yeah, now that you've got your braces off, you're a real hunk. Right, everybody? Not really. Oh, come on. At least his teeth are straight. - Yeah. - True, but it doesn't really make a difference. Still, let's give him a quick makeover and give it a go. ( Reluctantly ) Okay. ( Elevator dings ) Oh, then in 1982 I was the face of la poubelle makeup. Gorgeous. Sit down. And, oh, by 1983, I got my first wrinkle and suddenly I was the face of krintzki's doorknobs. And by "face," I mean "hand. " Hey! Aw. Oh my--! ( Bad French accent ) Do not fear me because I am beautiful. My name is woodlander. Perhaps you recognize this face from the July issue of "monsieur" magazine. Oh, I didn't know that "monsieur" was French for blech! - Now if you'll excuse me? - No no no! - You can't go. - Don't make me use my pepper spray. Please, I would give anything to get advice from the most famous powerful woman in the modeling world. - You left out gorgeous. - Pardon. - Say it! - Gorgeous! Okay, sure. ( Pop music playing ) Did you just stamp your phone number on my forehead? Yep! Now remember, in the mirror, that's gonna be backwards. Good! You're tiring out my competition. That way they'll put up less of a struggle. So how are we gonna get rid of them? Well, we could set them adrift in the ocean Until they fall off the edge of the earth. Great idea. Uh here's a raft. Yeah. Now you blow that up while I keep tiring them out with my dancing and maybe a few foot rubs. Deliciously evil. This is awfully big. Do we have a pump? Nope. ( Blowing ) So where's Cody? Oh, he didn't want to come and quote: "Torture you with what might have been. " Honestly, I'm not even sure he's the one I dated. Oh, watch out. Your hair's caught in your earring. Let me get that for you. - Did you get it? - Uh, yes. Unfortunately now your hair's caught on my bracelet. Ow ow, you're pulling my hair. Girls, girls, girls, stop it! Stop it. Don't fight over me. I'm just not worth it. ( Techno music playing ) ( Grunts ) Hips hips hips hips. Face face face face. Verk it, verk it, verk it, verk it. Leave them wanting more, boom. So? Vat did you think? I think you should leave them wanting less. Mr. moseby? - Woody? - You know woodlander? Told you I was famous. Why are you back so early? And why do you look like a ketchup bottle with a wig? Should you really be knocking anybody else's appearance? Not that it is any of your business, but I was at a reunion for my roller-skating team-- the funkytown boogie crew. Unfortunately none of them showed up. Maybe they're hiding in your hair. That is it. I need to get to the elevator. - Good idea. - No-ooo. So you're not going up to the sky deck, are you? I am now. What's going on, Woody? Nothing. But the elevator's broken - so you can't get up there. - ( Dings ) Come come come, come on. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? - Ah! - What happened? - ( Alarm ringing ) - Told you it was broken! Listen, you two, this fighting has got to stop. Jessica, I know you still have feelings for me, which I get, because I'm the total package with looks and brains. But you have to understand that I'm with Bailey now. And, Bailey, you need to chill out with this crazy jealousy. You're my girlfriend and you need to trust that I'll be faithful no matter how many girls throw themselves at me, as again, I'm the total package. That's right. So you stay away from my boyfriend. But he's the total package. Without him, there's a hole in my heart. Well, there will be a hole in your head if you don't back off my man! Whoa whoa whoa, slow slow. Fine, you can have him. I'll just live out my days alone with maybe 20 or 30 cats. ( Sobbing ) - She's crying. - Shoot her down. Good good. Let it out, Jessica. I know it hurts, but this is for the best. Now I'm gonna go. I'm gonna leave now so you're not constantly reminded of your pain. - Do you think he bought it? - Hook, line and sinker. Marcus, Cody just told me that the earth is round, really? So that explains why the globe is circular. Zack, here I come. Catch me. - Mr. moseby's back. - What? ( Screams, thuds ) That didn't go exactly as planned. Then after krintzki's dumped me, my own stupid agent wouldn't even call me back. You know, not talking preserves precious oxygen. All my so-called friends just disappeared. Even my kids wouldn't take a picture with me. I get it. I get it. People don't want to spend time with you. Add me to the list. Okay, ahh! I got it. Let me lift you up the access hatch, you can climb out and then shimmy up the cable. - Isn't that dangerous? - One can only hope. Come on, come on. Here we go. ( Grunts ) My God. Mama catcha. - Whatta comma mama. - You've got the upper body strength of a gerbil. Let me try. - Can you reach it now? - Almost. - Whoa. - Ahh! Okay, would you stop that? Just go back the other way. Just move along the wall to the center of the elevator. Oh, okay. Okay, good good. Okay, now move to the middle of the elevator slowly. Slowly, okay? - ( Whirring ) - Right, not everybody was a member of the boogie woogie roller-- whoa! ( Screams ) It was the funkytown boogie crew! - ( Air hissing ) - Keep pushing. The bouncy castle's almost in. ( Air farting ) ( Laughs ) Sounds like Woody after the Mexican buffet. They're coming, they're coming. Get get get! Get get get! ( Fake laughter ) Zack, how you amuse me with your witty banter. Oh, hello, Mr. -- argh! My thoughts exactly. What did you do? I think the question here is "what did you do?" Don't change the subject. I know you hooligans are up to something. Boy always are. Thank goodness my models are all in bed asleep like good little girls. Get down! Get down, get down! I'm just going to go to my cabin and curl up with a good book. I'll go do my pilates. And I'm gonna go make a healthy snack. Marcus: Like they will buy you eating a healthy snack. Woody: We never get away with anything. Man, I can't believe Mr. moseby is making us fish all these floaties out of the ocean. Yeah, these waters are shark-infested. I can't swim very fast. You don't have to swim faster than the sharks. You just have to swim faster than Woody. Hey! Goodbye, Zack. Thank you for the lovely party. I'm glad you had fun. Meanwhile I struck out with all the models. You wouldn't have if you had just opened your eyes and looked right in front of you. Oh! It was that pouty brunette, wasn't it? No, it was me, you ninny. What? You're interested in me? But you dumped me like two years ago. That's when you were four inches shorter, had girl's hair and you smelled like lunchmeat. Well, I took care of two of those things. So what say you give us a chance? Sorry, too late. I'm dating a male model now. Pick me up at 6:00, woodlander. I knew I would-land-her. Hey, wait a minute. How come I'm not in any of the pictures from the photo shoot? Well, because you're Too beautiful. You took too much attention away from the clothes. Oh, that is such a load of sheer genius. That is the kind of wisdom that can only come from years and years and years - and years and years and - Yes, I get it. I get it! Thank you. - We're ready, Cindy. - Oh, great. Listen, you girls did a fantastic job. And you're going to love living in the loft with all of us. It's like one big pajama party. - It sounds great. - Really great. ( Falsetto ) Really really great. ( Falsetto ) Hello. Let's get going, shall we? - Nope. - ( Falsetto ) Call me! Call me! ( Normal ) Call me.