Becoming Carmen Sandiego Part II

''Helicopter blades whir. Carmen's cell phone goes off.''

Carmen: Player, not a good time!

Player: Can't cite the no-cell-phone rule if you're not on campus. Taking a little field trip?

Carmen: What? How did you know?

Player: Remember how I could never hack past the jammers at your school to triangulate your location? Well, guess what? Your phone suddenly lit up on my dashboard. It looks like you're currently traveling en route to...

Carmen: Dude, hold that thought.

Man, via radio: Approaching drop point. Assume your positions.

Carmen: Gotta call you back!

''She ends the call. Chevre, Topo, Gray, and Tigress stand at the ready.''

Carmen: [gasp] I don't have a parachute!

Gray: What are you waiting for? Cats always land on their feet!

''He kicks Tigress forward. She screams.''

Carmen: Heads up!

The last two on the plane, Carmen tackles Gray.

Gray: Black Sheep!?

Carmen: Don't let go!

Gray: Are you out of your mind!? You just put your safety and my entire criminal career at risk! What will the faculty do when they discover you decided to tag along on our mission?

Carmen: Who cares? I'll be long gone.

Tigress: Crackle? Let's move!

Gray: Stay here. I mean it.

Carmen: Hmph. Time to crash a caper.

Mime Bomb pantomimes a chicken before the panel of faculty.

Cleo: You... are a chicken?

He nods, then begins to flap his arms.

Cleo: Chickens do not fly!

Maelstrom: Who here thought it was a good idea to make a mime a spy?

Brunt: Fly the coop? Black Sheep's run off with the others.

Shadowsan groans.

Cleo: We could have quite a mess on our hands.

Maelstrom: Alert the Cleaners.

Carmen gasps.

Carmen: Casablanca. I'm in Morocco. I made it to the real world. ...Mission first, sight-see later.

''She stops to take a selfie, then runs off. She walks toward a bright light source.''

Man: Young lady? It is quite late. Do your parents know where you are?

Carmen: I don't even know where I am. What is this place?

Man: An archaeological dig site, where we search for links to our past.

Carmen: You mean like, dinosaur bones?

Man: Anything historic. If you've been following the news, you'll know that we just discovered a relic here dating from a much more recent era. The Eye of Vishnu. My crew identified it just days ago and are carefully unearthing it at this very moment.

Carmen: And you're not worried about them stealing it?

Man: Now, why ever would they do that? My crew is well aware that a treasure such as this belongs in a museum.

Carmen: Treasure? As in, worth a fortune?

Man: Some things possess value other than monetary, young lady. Any historic find such as this gem belongs to everyone. Its theft would rob the world of knowledge, and that would be a true crime.

Carmen: I... I never really thought of it that way.

''The lights go out. The man reaches for a walkie-talkie as he runs off.''

Man: Pit crew, report, please!

Carmen: Gray must have cut the power. This is the caper!

''Chevre takes out two men. Tigress takes out three more. El Topo appears. Carmen takes off toward him.''

Topo, holding the Eye of Vishnu: Black Sheep? But I thought you did not graduate.

Carmen: Whoa, it's amazing!

Gray: Black Sheep! Stay away! You'll ruin the mission!

Man: You are in cahoots with them!?

Carmen: Uh, well, yes. And no. It's complicated.

Man: Stop, thieves!

He charges toward El Topo, but is stopped by Gray.

Man: Out of my way!

Topo: Crackle. Remember: leave no witnesses.

Gray throws the man aside as El Topo escapes.

Carmen: Wait, what do you mean "leave no witnesses"?

Gray turns up the power on his Crackle Rod.

Carmen: Gray! No! No!

''She tackles him. The man takes the opportunity to run away.''

Carmen: Gray, what are you doing!? What is wrong with you!?

Tigress: I'll handle the runt!

Carmen takes the Crackle Rod and hits Tigress in the face with it.

Gray: Ohh... pussycat down.

Chevre: She did not protect the face.

Carmen: Gray...

She swings at him.

Gray: Hey!

Carmen: What are you doing!?

Gray: Come on, now.

Carmen: Tell me!

''The Cleaners come up behind her. She swings at the,, but one gets a hand over her mouth. He cell phone falls out of her pocket.''

Boris: Back to V.I.L.E. Island with you.

Present Carmen: I thought I knew you like the big brother I never had, Gray. Until that moment.

Present Gray: What can I say? Graduation was a game-changer.

Bellum: Graduates... you did not make it this far on your grades alone.

Maelstrom: We have been profiling you all along to test your allegiance as well as your willingness to go to any necessary extremes.

Shadowsan: No one or thing must stand in the way of achieving our goals.

Cleo: You've earned your place at our elite table.

Brunt: Now hear the true name of V.I.L.E.: Villains International League of Evil.

"Evil" echoes.

Present Carmen: Evil. Hmph! My entire upbringing was a lie. Stealing isn't a game. It does harm people. Especially when you're willing to steal lives.

Chase pulls up to the train, but it's moving again.

Chase: Ugh! So close!

''He takes off again. Part of the car falls off. His cell phone rings.''

Chase: What is it now, Ms. Argent? I am driving!

Julia: Inspector Devineaux, the purported crime scene is actually filled with stolen goods of all kinds. Cash, bonds, art...

Chase: What? Was the apartment owner not the robbery victim?

Julia: That's what I said. So I did some fact-checking. The owner on record isn't an individual, but an import-export company. But even more intriguing, the places Carmen Sandiego recently robbed -- the Swiss Bank, the art gallery in Cairo, the Shanghai amusement park -- all have ties to the same company.

Chase: Ms. Argent, what is it you are trying to say?

Julia: Well, what if, for whatever reason, Carmen Sandiego were a thief who only steals from other thieves?

Chase: Nnnno! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

''His car is giving out. The gas tank is empty. When it stops, he gets out and shouts at it, then groans. Seeing an airplane landing ahead, he runs after it.''

Chase: Interpol! Official business. I am commandeering this aircraft!

Gray: Our journey's winding to a close. And I'm not any closer to knowing the story behind your chic new look. Or your name.

He charges the Crackle Rod.

Carmen: [sigh] I'll do my best to cut to the chase. Things were strained on my forced return to the Isle of V.I.L.E. Sure I was on my best behavior, but I still had to endure Coach Brunt's guilt.

Brunt: I blame myself!

Present Carmen: And Dr. Bellum's surveillance. And Countess Cleo's attempts to tame my wild side. And Professor Maelstrom's freaky psych exams. But the worst part? I never felt more alone in my life. The Cleaners had confiscated my phone, my only lifeline to the outside world. When the new school year began, I pretend to throw myself into my coursework. But I was really just biding my time, waiting for my moment to strike.

Thunder crashes.

Present Carmen: December first. V.I.L.E.'s bookkeeper was right on schedule. My first escape attempt may have been a dry run, but this time, I was really gonna bring the rain.

Young Carmen touches her dolls.

Young Carmen: Travel light.

She changes into her stealth suit.

Maelstrom: It confounds me that a device registered to our mainland bookkeeping department ever wound up in Black Sheep's possession to begin with.

Bellum: It confounds me that Black Sheep never submitted the stolen property for extra credit.

''She goes to the desk and picks the lock. The phone rings.''

Player: Guten tag, Strudelhaus of Düsseldorf. Can I help you?

Young Carmen: Ye-- uh, oh, I was um, looking for...

Player: It's me. I'm screening.

Young Carmen: Player.

Player: Where have you been? Strange people have been answering your phone.

Carmen: It's not my phone. I stole it.

Player: So you're a shoplifter. And you haven't called me all summer long because you've been in jail.

Carmen: [sigh] Player, remember when you told me you used your wicked skills for good?

Player: The white hat hacker's code.

Carmen: What would you say if I told you I had wicked skills too, from being raised in a school for thieves?

Player: I'd say that would explain a lot.

Carmen: Don't go anywhere.

''She sneaks out of the room. Spots the hard drive.''

Carmen: Player? I'm staring at a hard drive containing data that could fuel a criminal empire for a year. This might be my only shot to secure it.

Player: Then use those wicked skills already.

She sneaks over to it, but just as she's about to grab it...

Maelstrom, over an intercom: Booker. What is keeping you? We are anxiously awaiting the upload.

Cookie: Have you ever heard of weather, Gunnar? I had to hang my wet things!

She walks away with the drive.

Carmen: Gah! Missed it. If anyone sees me take it, I'll never make it off this island. I need to avoid detection at all costs. Aw, crud.

She realizes she's just walked by Mime Bomb.

Carmen: Mimosa Bombosa. What are you up to? Stopping to smell the roses?

Player: This is the most one-sided conversation I've ever heard.

Carmen: Shh, quiet! ...Not you. Duh. Okay, happy gardening.

She walks away.

Carmen: All good. It was just some creepy mime who hangs around campus watching everything. And everyone. Because he's a spy and a snitch. Nobody likes a tattletale!

She tackles him and locks him in a storage closet.

Carmen: And don't even think about picking the lock.

She returns to steal the toolkit, then runs after Cookie, who is at the elevator.

Carmen: Keycard-activated elevator. If she makes it to the server room, she'll upload the data.

Player: So you can't let her see you take the drive. But if that elevator leaves without you, game over.

Carmen: Gotta think fast.

''She slides the toolkit across the floor to the elevator, just narrowly preventing the doors from closing. When they re-open, she walks in. Cookie gasps.''

Carmen: Oh! Sorry about the scare, Ma'am. I'm an IT trainee, and it's imperative that I check the server room pronto. For, um, loose cables.

The doors close.

Cookie: My, you've grown.

Carmen: Yes, I have. Um, and with age comes maturity. Which is why I was so anxious to catch you, Ms. Booker. So we could talk somewhere private. I... I just wanted you to know how super ashamed I am of all the really dumb pranks I've pulled on you over the years. I apologize.

Cookie: I wondered about the absence of a water balloon attack tonight. First time in quite a few years. ...I'll blame your unusual upbringing. One can't be expected to behave honorably when raised among thieves, after all.

Carmen: Shake on it, Ms. Booker?

Cookie: Call me Cookie.

''They reach the server room floor. Cookie exits the elevator.''

Cookie: Young lady, you seem like a smart cookie. If you wish to walk in my shoes someday, set your sights higher than pulling pranks or picking pockets. White-collar crime is where the real money is.

Carmen: Thank you for the career advice. I will take it to heart.

Cookie: Arrivederci.

''The elevator doors close. Cookie approaches the computer.''

Cookie: Children.

She realizes she can't put what she's carrying into the computer slot.

Cookie: Huh? Whatever can the problem...?

When she holds it up, she realizes she's holding the toolkit.

Cookie: Bait-and-switch!

''She presses a button. An alarm blares and everything is illuminated in a bright red light.''

Carmen: Code red. They're onto me. Player? Hello? Gah! Signals are jammed!

Maelstrom: Dr. Bellum, care to pinpoint the origin of the code red?

Bellum: The server room.

Carmen runs through the sewer.

Carmen: My ride should still be waiting.

''She can't get the grate off. A closer look reveals it's been bolted in place.''

Carmen: No! No!

She sinks down.

Brunt: It's past curfew. All students are in their bunks. Except for...

Shadowsan: Black Sheep.

Cleo: The girl must be punished.

''Shadowsan gets a sword. Carmen continues to sneak toward the door.''

Carmen: Ugh! Hall monitors.

Cookie: Gunnar, the child is certainly a menace, but placing the entire island on lockdown?

Maelstrom: The "child" may have compromised V.I.L.E.'s income for the entire coming year, thanks to you. We must retrieve that drive!

Cookie: Well, it's out of my hands now, so please provide me with clearance to leave.

Maelstrom: Fine. Good riddance.

Cookie: Thank you very much. I'll just collect my coat and be off.

''Carmen runs off. She spots Cookie's coat and hat.''

Carmen: Whoa. Code red.

Maelstrom: Cleaners, our bookkeeper has caused enough damage for one visit. Allow her to vacate the premises. Or terminate her if the mood strikes you, and I wouldn't complain.

''Carmen has stolen a pair of high heels along with Cookie's coat and hat. She tries to walk right past them, her head down to hide her face.''

Cleaner: Ms. Booker?

Carmen gasps, pausing.

Cleaner: Until next year.

Cleaner: Bon voyage.

With a beep, the door opens.

Carmen: Arriverderci!

As soon as they turn their backs, she breathes a sigh of relief.

Brunt: Any sign of her?

She and Maelstrom hear banging and open a nearby door to find Cookie, barefoot and tied up.

Maelstrom: Cleaners!

Carmen is running across the campus.

Shadowsan: She's nearly gone! Prepare air support!

He draws his sword and runs after her.

Maelstrom: Captain, be on alert. The lady in red is no lady.

''He draws a crossbow. Carmen throws something metal at him, knocking him unconscious.''

Cleaner: She will never outrace us by boat.

Cleaner: Pity.

''The engine stalls. When they look, they see the wires have been cut.''

Boris: She does not miss a trick.

''Carmen jumps onto the boat, then notices Shadowsan in pursuit. She tries to operate it, but it doesn't move.''

Carmen: No... Hmmm...

''It needs a key. She jumps down to grab it, then flees back to the boat.''

Shadowsan: Black Sheep!

''She turns the key. The engine starts, and she flies away seconds before Shadowsan gets close enough to board.''

Carmen: I pass, you fail.

''He sheathes his sword. She moves away from the island, then calls Player.''

Player: Hello?

Carmen: Player, I made it. I'm off the island. I need to know where on Earth I am.

Player: Triangulating your position... The Canary Islands.

Carmen: A Spanish settlement just off the coast of Western Africa. It was an interesting place to grow up, but it's time to see the rest of the world. No more bookkeepers, and no more V.I.L.E.

Player: You'll need a passport, and I don't think Black Sheep's gonna cut it.

''She had been about to throw the hat into the water, but pauses. ''

Player: You do have a name, don't you?

 She looks at the label on the hat: "Carmen Brand Outerwear: San Diego."

Carmen: It's... Carmen. Carmen Sandiego. Now, about this whole white-hat thing... does it have to be white?

Present Gray: End of the line. We miss you, Black Sheep. V.I.L.E. wants a truce.

Present Carmen: They want me stealing for them, instead of from them.

Gray: You've proven yourself. It's all you've ever wanted, isn't it?

The plane pursues the train.

Chase: Ha ha!

Gray: The League's offering you a full pardon. Even Shadowsan's on board. They'll make things right if you just come home. Where you belong.

Carmen: I was hoping we'd end up on the same side again tonight, Gray. My side.

He sighs.

Gray: Still in a league of your own.

He charges the Crackle Rod.

Gray: Bye-bye, Black Sheep.

Carmen: You weren't listening. I go by Carmen now.

''She lunges for him and moves the Crackle Rod so it's not pointing at her. The two fight. She grabs it from him.''

Gray: Hmph. Fingerprint recognition.

He starts to grab it away, but she roundhouse kicks him into the window.

Gray: Oof!

Carmen: They never protect the face.

She breaks the rod.

Player: Red. You're back online. I miss anything juicy?

Carmen: Nothing you don't already know.

''Chase gets onto the train. He sees her coat and hat...''

Chase: Carmen Sandiego, you are under arrest!

He removes the hat to find Gray, unconscious.

Chase: Nnnnno!

''Carmen is walking away. She pauses to smile at him, then disappears.''

Chase: No! Not again!

''The train is moving. His phone rings.''

Chase: Yes? What is it?

Julia: Inspector Devineaux we turned up something rather astonishing. I believe it's the Eye of Vishnu, from the unsolved Morocco heist. We found it between the couch cushions. Almost as if...

Chase: Let me guess. "Almost as if Carmen Sandiego wanted us to find it." Hah! If our thief left such a treasure behind, she must have gotten away with something truly priceless.

Player: Wait, seriously? You didn't take the gemstone?

Carmen: Total win-win. I knew Interpol would get it back where it belonged, which left my hands free to take the real treasure: my oldest traveling companions. Like an archaeology find, the only link I have to my past. I have Gray to thank for using them to bait me.

She presses the tracking sticker onto a ship going the opposite direction as hers.

Carmen: Now, did you wire the proceeds from the Shanghai job to the next nonprofits on my list?

Player: Food bank, homeless shelter, orphanage. Check. I even had time to decrypt the next entry. Another secret V.I.L.E. hideout. Located in Southeast Asia on the island of Java.

Carmen: Just when I thought I was through with islands. [sigh] Paris will be here. We need to stay one step ahead of V.I.L.E. while we still have the advantage.

Player: I'll book you a red-eye.

A boat with a man and a woman standing on it follows.

Woman: Chief, we have Carmen Sandiego in our sights.

''An excerpt from the theme music plays. Ending credit music plays.''