The Boss Babysitter

1 [grunts] Hold all my calls. [giggling] [music] Boss Baby I'm the boss, Boss Baby Boss boss, Boss Baby, boss boss - Boss Baby - Watch a itty-bitty kid get large I'm the big Boss Baby in charge Stroller rolling Up and down the boulevard I'm the big Boss Baby in charge - Boss Baby - I run this house, I rule this crib Change my diaper, son, where's my bib? Don't pacify, you just got to pay me Who's in charge? Me, the Boss Baby. [fart] [sniffs] Ugh! - What in the corporate world? - [strained] Can I get a little privacy? Amal, are you going corner in my office? - You're the one working in the restroom. - The what? [humming] Staring only makes it take longer. [gasps] [whimpering] [groans] [music] [deep breath] [laughing] - Mega Fat CEO Baby, a word. - How about a noise? [mimics buzzer] I got business. Peek-a-boo! Oh, there I am! There are employees fertilizing my cubicle. - [cackles] I almost forgot we did that. - Yes. Very amusing. And now that we've all had a good chuckle, you can put it back - Oh, no, no. This was a business decision. - I You're off playing la-dee-da family man. Why do you need an office? Sir So I decided to make something of it. And in it. - Your cubicle is a doody factory. - [groaning] - You used to work for me! - [gasps] That's right, I did work for you. I almost forgot. It was long ago. You became unimportant. I love when we share memories. [groans] Oh, are you about to blow? If it's going to come out down south, at least you know where to go. Stop watching! Now I have to start all over again! [grunting] What crawled in your diaper? [gasps] Did something crawl in your diaper? Oh, sorry, Templeton. It's not your fault. It's Boys! We have a surprise for you! Dad won two free tickets to a concert tonight. What my lady wants, my lady gets. - [mimics guitar wail] - And your lady wants to rock! Wait. You said two. There are four of us. Well, that's your big surprise. We're going out, so my two boys get to have fun with [gasps] a babysitter! - Okay, sure. - That's the spirit. [kisses] Aww, don't you worry, little man. Her name is Marisol. - All the mommies say she's responsible. - And her dad's a musician. [mimics guitar wailing] [chuckles] - That's not relevant, but it's so cool. - That is cool. Get ready, have fun. - We're okay here. - Aww, such a big boy. Love you both. - [kisses] - [chuckles] - What? - What do you mean, what? I can't explain what "what" means. I just say it. Wait, is this about the babysitter? It's fine. It is not fine. When I gave up that corner office at Baby Corp, it was to join this family with these parents. And I accepted that these parents would be in charge from time to time, not some Marisol! - You're way too angry about this. - Am I? [grunts] Am I?! Let me put this into Timmy-terms. - How late do Mom and Dad let you stay up? - Eight o'clock. But it's summer, so nine. And they let you watch your favorite television programs. Anything under three swears per hour. Darn right. And would you say they have a pro or anti-dessert policy? Pro. That's what you get with the Mom and Dad system. Solid leadership structure! [gasps] But, oh, no! This babysitter is an unelected regime, a rogue state. What if she has her own ideas about bedtime? She can't! No TV? Who put her in charge? - I didn't vote for her. - Me either! No dessert? Is this a free market system with the consent of the governed? Or some totalitarian banana republic? I don't know, but now I'm angry. No, we don't get angry. We fight back. - Down with babysitters. - Down with babysitters! - [line ringing] - Research Department. - It's me. I don't have much time. - But you're too young to die. No, I just need something quickly. Go into the babysitter files, pull intel on a girl named Marisol. Is that my former superior who's now my inferior whose desk is surrounded by posteriors? Yes, my office is for pooping now. Hilarious. If you don't mind, this babysitter situation is a priority-one crisis. Says you, which is like nobody saying it. Look, the triplets are super busy doing research on Ugh. - Magnus, finish this excuse. I'm tired. - They are not researching anything. You are not important enough for a courtesy lie. - [Mega Fat] Oh, brutal honesty. Love it. - Baby Corp is no help. We're on our own. - We need to stick together. - Down with babysitters! [doorbell ringing] Down with babysitters. Marisol Lopez Lugo. Are you ready for a super fun, and responsible, awesome night? [coughing] Um, Mom, I think you guys should stay home. My throat is [coughs] scratchy, and my face is fever-y. Maybe the sitter can use the tickets. Hang on, pal. Let's try a lozenge before we do anything wacky. - Hmm, you don't feel warm. - I feel warm to me. [mimics sizzle] Ooh, lava! - What if my brain is melting inside? - Only one way to find out for sure. Good thing I never leave home without my busy bag. Let's check that burning brain with a thermometer strip. Normal temperature. Oh, uh - But I guess you can't fight science? - Sometimes kids just need reassurance. Wow. Boys, you are in good hands, just like these front row tickets! Ooh! Say "front row" again, Ted! Have fun, boys! [door shuts] - You folded like a lawn chair. - Marisol had science! - What was I supposed to do? - My turn. Tag me in. [Marisol blowing through lips] [coos] Good luck. He hates beets. Guess that means more for me. Mmm, mmm! Yum! [in slowed voice] I'm going to eat them all. [munching and slurping] [panting] [chair legs sliding] That was disgusting. She knew how to leverage demand to communicate desirability. In layman's terms, she has, so I wants. This is serious. - Ugh! She's too good! - Then let's make her look bad. For those just tuning in, yes, it's me, Marsha Krinkle. Now with blonde highlights! [louder] Roll theme music! [man] Turn it down! No can do! I'm babysitting for the Templetons, and I need to drown out their crying baby. Who's also very handsome. [man] That's terrible babysitting! If you think Ted and Janice should know, you can reach them at - What on earth? - [man] Reach them where? Hello? - [cooing] - Are the children okay? Our top story, a new kitten for the mayor. - That's probably not good. - Local businessman Bootsy Calico That is certainly too loud for this time of night. We're the only house on the block that has electricity when it's dark out. So weird. So the neighbors like it when we play our TV really loud. Talk about a wild imagination. It just looks to me like your brother wants to watch a movie. - [woman] Good night, stars - [gasps] Good night, Mars Good night, stars - [shudders, grunts] - Good night, Mars - Good night, stars - No. [grunts] Good night, Mars Good night, Lars [male voice] Good night to you, too, moon guy! [gasps] Aah! [shudders] [panting] She's unshakable! She knows all our tricks! You know, she's not that bad. I mean, for a babysitter. - Maybe we let this happen - No surrender! This is our house. If I can't beat a teenage girl, who am I anymore? [grunts] I'm a little boss! I'm a little boss! - Are you okay? - I'm fine. [grunts, groans] Okay. I'll go to Baby Corp and get the files on Marisol myself. - Want me to keep her distracted? - I want you to find her weak spots. Stay on her, chat her up, do not leave her side until you know everything about her. - I can do that. - [laughing] I'm gonna get you! [laughs] [chuckles] [gasps] [bubbling] [giggling] - [farts] - [grunting] [Boss Baby] Here's what I've got on Marisol. Second-generation Paraguayan-American, strong work ethic. Ton of younger siblings, so she was born with babysitting in her veins. And did I mention her schedule? Booked through the holidays. She even printed magnets with her face on them! If she weren't the enemy, I'd shake her hand and take her to lunch to learn her secrets. - Tell me more about the magnets. - Your turn. What do ya got? Lots of stuff. Her hair smells like flowers, but her hands smell like that candle store at the mall. Unusable. What else? She also loves board games. And I love board games. Smells and games? I left you alone with her for that long [gasps] No, you didn't! - What? - She got to you! A crush on the babysitter! How clichÃ©. - Ew, no! What? No, ew. I like her face. - What? You better figure out your loyalties, brother. Because I am ending this with or without you. Templeton's been turned. He's a good man, but soft. This is a night for hard souls, like you. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Whoo! Down with babysitters! Let no Templeton stand in your way! Yeah! [rapid footsteps] - [whispering, indistinct] - What's going on? Nothing. Uh, the monotonous sound of a dial tone soothes me. - [mimics dial tone] - [telephone rings] Hello? No, Mrs. Templeton isn't here. May I take a message? You want to clarify the toppings for what pizzas? Thirty pizzas? With pepperoni and gummy bears? [sighs] Cancel the order, please. Well, some rascal just made a very expensive pizza order, charging it to your parents' account. - Any idea who would do that, hmm? - Your eyes are so brown. [chuckles] Nice try, Tim. I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you. And I thought I put you to bed. [cooing] All right, if you two troublemakers are having fun, I suppose he can stay up a little bit longer. - [creaking] - What was that? Nothing, but I'll make sure it's nothing. You stay here. Bye! - What are you doing? - Oh, no. Did baby draw on the floor with lipstick? Is Marisol gonna get fired and never come back? - Poor lover-boy man-baby. - I have normal eyes and you know it! [grunts] - Tim, are you talking to someone? - Just practicing my French. Le fromage cottage, babble, babble, babble. - What you got there? - Uh, this is for you? It's okay. I have little brothers. I know you guys are curious about makeup. So, everything's cool up here? - Ice cool. - Okay! I will end her! [gasps, grunts] No! [groans] Down! Put me down! Do not ruin this for me. And where's Jimbo? There. I believe that's every breakable in the house. - Jimbo smash? - Jimbo smash good. [giggling] - Call it off! - Never! Traitor! [Marisol] Tim! Um Oh, no. You think I haven't seen baby bowling before? - I have six little brothers. - Wait, no, I wasn't Ever going to try this ever, ever again? What a good boy you are. [chuckles] - I really am. - And you have been up long enough. Too serious. Too spacey. - Dangerous. - [Marisol humming] Her voice is like the music they play in grocery stores. [humming] You know you're not the only kid she sits, right? This is work. I know. She's a professional. That's what I like about her. [gasps] A professional! You're right! That's how we get her! [ringing] - Hello. - [Staci] Well, look who I found. Care to explain why my husband and I have been waiting for you for the past hour? - Is this the pizza place again? - This is Sandy Burgess! You're supposed to be sitting my kids tonight, but great to know you're having a pizza party. - No idea what you're talking about. - [Jimbo giggles] I spoke to your mom this morning. She said she'd tell you. Are you calling your mom a liar? No! I was in a rush this morning. - So you coming to watch my kids or what? - I'm sitting the Templetons right now. Yeah, I called you there, duh. Bring them and call it a playdate, I don't care! My husband and I are about to lose our couples massage appointment, and I have never felt less relaxed! Yes, certainly! What's your address? We'll be right over. [chuckling] Hey, guys! Okay, so, we're going to go play with the Burgess kids, and everything's going to be great! But I thought we'd spend the night playing board games, and I'd wear a cool hat. Tim, I'm going to level with you, 'cause you're a big boy. I like where this is going. I double-booked. I've never done this before. My scheduling is so flawless that on my free days, I teach a class on time management at the community college. So, we have to go, but I promise it will be fun. Please? Okay. Let's go play with that random family. This just in: I don't eat cookies, and I don't care about your summer camp. - You're Marsha Krinkle from TV! - Channel 8 News! Do you have a story? - Talk. I'm always ready. - Uh, no, no story. I'm Marisol. Uh, is "Mrs. Burgess" a secret name you use - so fans don't know where you live? - [microphone thuds] I'm I'm here to watch your kids. [chuckles] Honey, does this look like the exhausted face of a mother? Uh, I spoke with somebody on the phone. Maybe your assistant? - I have a strict no-refund policy. - Hey! Where are you? Get back here! [yells] [grunts] [gasps] Yeah! - Why are you doing this? - [gasps] I am a lost baby. That's the end of your girlfriend's babysitting career. Ha! [growls, gasps] [slow-motion screaming] [grunts] - [grunts] - Ha! - Better lay off the cookies, Timmy. - [groans] - [grunts, gasps] - [Boss Baby] Peek-a-boo. [Boss Baby giggles] Ha-ha! [gasps] - Gotcha! - [groans] Curse these stubby little legs! I can't believe you. You embarrassed Marisol, and in front of a celebrity. - Local talent. Barely counts. - Enough. I'm taking you home. Wait. Where is home? - All these houses look the same. - [Boss Baby] How are we lost? - You've lived here your whole life! - Yeah, but never at night. - [owl hooting] - [both gasp] What was that? Uh, per our current situation, I may have gone too far with the whole getting rid of Marisol thing. And in the event we don't make it back safely - Do we live here now? - I want you to know, um I'm sorry. - [dog barking] - [gasps] You should be sorry. Marisol's the best babysitter I've ever had. - Why did you have to mess that up? - I don't like bossy authority figures. - You are a boss. - But not everywhere! Mega Fat CEO Baby turned my office into a porta-potty. I'm losing respect over there. Things feel different. [sighs] You wouldn't understand. Who cares about your office? Your home is with us. We've got a mom and dad who always love us. Pssh! So much that they go away and leave a teenager in charge? Yeah, someone they trust to protect us. Doesn't that just prove they love us? Oh. When you put it like that, I kind of wish Marisol was here right now. Me too. And always. - Oh, Templeton. - [screaming] - Thank goodness I found you guys! - Thank goodness I'm wearing a diaper. Well, it's been a long night, but I think we've all learned something about [loud rock music playing] - Why is there music? - [Marisol] Did we leave everything on? - Oh, no. - Oh, yes. I'd like to go on record as saying I had nothing to do with this. How can you do this? After all the nice stuff you said and the hugging. There was hugging! To be fair, the command was given before the hugging. Boy, was it executed nicely. - I can't believe you! [yells] - [car horn honks] Dad's famous double-honk! They're back! [music stops] [door opens] - [both laughing] - [gasps] - We've been vandalized! - You better believe we've been vand - Oh, wait. What? For real? - What happened? This is for you, Marisol. [clears throat] [Marisol] I'm so sorry you had to see the house like this. I was hoping to clean it up before you got back. You threw a party?! If I open this closet, will five high school boys fall out? No, see, after dinner, I opened the window because it was hot and I didn't want to run the air conditioning. But then, a giant bat flew into the house. I started blaring the radio because I read they hate loud music. I opened more windows so it could fly out, but it just kept flying around the house, knocking things off the walls, so I chased it, even threw things to scare it off, to protect the children. The bat put up a good fight, but in the end, I won. - I'm sorry I had to mess up your house. - [chuckles] A bat? That's her cover-up? Colorful story, sweetie, but I don't think this is gonna work out. I understand. I'll get rid of this on my way out. - [gasps] - Um Oh, my gosh! Marisol! We're so sorry. You protected our family from a rabid, winged beast. Professional and brave. A rubber animal for every occasion. She's a mad genius. We never stood a chance. Please forgive the way we reacted. We'd love for you to sit for us again. I don't know. Tonight was a real challenge. Plus, there's apparently a wild animal problem around here. - We'll do anything. - Double my rate, starting tonight. - Double? It was just one lousy bat. - Consider it done! And thank you. Impressive. - I get what you see in her. - And smell. Oops, my bag. I don't know how and I don't know when, but I know you did this. Next time, don't expect me to be so nice. I know that stings, Templeton, but in every battle, sacrifices must be made. Did you hear her say "next time"? Marisol's coming back! Whahoo! Whoo! Oh, Templeton. Boss Baby