Free Inside!

(We open with Cow and Chicken at the table with their parents frantically digging through their cereal boxes. Cow has a horse-flavored meat box while Chicken has a Sugar Frosted Pork Lung box.)

Cow: "Oh, come on, you prize. I know you are in there."

Chicken: "Oh, any second now!"

Mom: "Now, now, kids. You can’t just dig around in those boxes!"

Dad: "You heard your mother: You will have to eat your way to the bottom."

(Cow and Chicken chomp all the cereal down and Cow takes a L’Essence Du Meat breath spray out of her box.)

Cow: Ooh, air meat!

(She sprays some in her mouth. Chicken takes a credit card out of his box and reads the box.)

Chicken: “Yes, in every box of Frosted Pork Lung Flakes, there is now a Slacks Off express card.”

Dad: "A credit card! Well, tickle my fancy. My little boy… "[sobs] "Is growing up. You now have the responsibilities of a man."

Chicken: "Just, uh, what is credit, anyways?"

(Dad races over to him.)

Dad: "Why son, it means you can buy all the neat stuff you want, right now but you have to pay it back–and quick–or the interest will kill you."

(Chicken excitedly grabs Cow and races down the block to Weenie Emporium trailing flames.)

Chicken: “Weenie Emporium.”

(They enter the store to find it full of weenies and weenie-shaped things.)

Cow & Chicken: "Ahh."

(They run off to buy stuff. Chicken pushes a cart full of stuff over to the counter and hands the cashier his credit card.)

Chicken: "Hee-hee!"

(The cashier swipes the credit card as the swiper whirs.)

Cashier: "Uh, excuse me, sir, about your card… THERE’S ONLY 25 CENTS CREDIT ON IT! YOU CAN’T SPEND MORE THAN 25 CENTS! THAT MEANS you can’t afford to buy all those weenies, MR. CHEAPO!!"

(He screams loudly in Chicken’s face, then gasps for breath as the line watches shocked and he hands Chicken his card.)

Cashier: "Ahem, your card, sir. Next in line?"

(Chicken pushes the cart off gloomily. Tilt to Cow and Chicken walking over again.)

Cashier: "Oh, hello again. What have we now?"

(Chicken hands him a weenie-flavored Weenie Bubble gum stick to him. He picks up the phone.)

Cashier: "PRICE CHECK ON AISLE TWO!!! FOR A TEENY-WEENY, TINY, SUPER-ECONOMY, CHEAPSKATE-SIZED WEENIE BUBLE GUM for the chicken WITH THE 25 CENT CREDIT LIMIT!!!"

(Chicken starts to cry and gets completely burned as the cashier screams so loud. He gasps for breath and hands Chicken his credit card, his gum, and his credit card copy slip.)

Cashier: "Your card, your gum, your copy of the credit card slip."

Chicken: "My very first credit purchase."

(The Red Guy as an interest collector walks over.)

Red Guy: "Well, hello, boys. Just in time to PAY UP! Does the word “interest” ring a bell?"

(Cow and Chicken shake their heads.)

Red Guy : "20 cents for the gum, 5 cents interest."

Chicken: "Eh, what if we don’t ain’t got it?"

(The interest collector snaps, growls, and starts foaming at the mouth. He looks like he’s about to burst until he calms himself.)

Red Guy : "AHEM, IF YOU DON’T PAY ME BACK, I’m afraid there might be a little, teeny accident such as–"

(He yelps as a train runs over him and flattens him.)

Red Guy : "Such as that."

(Cut to an amusement park on the beach. Cow and Chicken go over to a cotton candy stand.)

Cow: "Ooh! Let us get some cotton candy, Chicken. We can use your card."

Chicken: "Uh, excuse me."

(The cotton candy maker turns around to reveal he is the interest collector.)

Red Guy : "Oh, hello, ladies. You’ve come to pay me that interest, hmm?"

Cow and Chicken shake their heads and he pulls the stand up on a rope.)

Red Guy : "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! YOU’LL PAY ME, or I’ll make you a cement tennis shoes LIKE THESE!" (He shows two cement shoes to them.)

Chicken: "Uh, they don’t look too comfortable."

Interest Collector: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! They’re real comfortable."

(He puts the cement shoes on and crashes through the boardwalk into the ocean as Cow and Chicken look down at him.)

Red Guy : " Ooh! Aaaah!"

(Cut to a used car sale. Cow and Chicken walk into sight and the salesmen see them.)

Salesmen: "Customers!"

Red Guy : "Sorry, gals. WRONG!"

(He pulls a lever so they fall through the floor, and he runs over to Cow and Chicken.)

Red Guy : " Oh, my favorite guys again. Ha ha ha! We’re not thinking of shopping WITHOUT PAYING ME MY INTEREST, are we?"

(Chicken nods.)

Red Guy : "Oh, that’s a shame because big accidents happen to little women who don’t PAY THEIR INTEREST!" (He opens the trunk of a car to reveal a ticking bomb.)

Chicken: "Uh, we can’t pay you no interest."

Cow: "Our dad cut us off of our allowance since Chicken got his credit card."

Chicken: "Sorry."

(They run off.)

Red Guy : "JUST YOU WAIT, LADIES! I’M COMING AFTER YOU!"

(He gets into the car.)

Red Guy : "Uh-oh, angry."

(The bomb explodes, blowing up an entire section of the earth so the interest collector gets stuck in space with the car remains on him and his shirt torn apart. He shakes the car remains off.)

Red Guy : "Oh, I’ve got to think of something better. Hmmm."

(He looks through a telescope and the satellite dish goes out by his buttcheeks.)

Red Guy : "Dear sweet grandma, what’s this?"

(He looks at his butt.)

Red Guy : "Ah-ha-ha-ha! Full moon tonight. Ha-ha-ha!"

He sees Cow playing with Crabs.

Red Guy : "Cow’s favorite doll–" [mocking Cow] "Crabs the Warthog doll. Ha ha ha! I’LL KIDNAP CRABS THE WARTHOG DOLL and hold him for ransom! Ha-ha-ha! THEN THEY’LL BE FORCED TO PAY ME MY MONEY. Ha -a! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

(He topples over excitedly. Cut to Cow in her house screaming and showing Chicken that Crabs is gone from her toy shelf.)

Cow: "Crabs the Warthog doll– missing! Oh! Oh! Moo! Who could have done such a thing?"

(She starts sobbing.)

Cow: "Moo."

(The interest collector holds Crabs in the next yard laughing.)

Red Guy : "Time to go to the bank, MY LITTLE CASH CRABS. Ha-ha!"

(He writes on a brick and tosses it through the window, knocking Chicken flat. Cow picks up the brick and reads it.)

Chicken: "Unh!"

Cow: "Oh! “I’ve…”

(Another brick comes flying in.)

Cow: “Got…”

(Another brick flies in.)

Cow: “Crabs..”

(Another brick crashes in.)

Cow: “The Wart…”

(Yet another brick crashes into the house.)

Cow: “Hog doll.”

(Several bricks crash in onto Chicken and Cow hurriedly digs through them.)

Cow: “If you want to see him again, you must bring your gum to the pier at midnight.” Aaah!"

(She runs out with Chicken showing all the holes in the house showing the hole-filled house where all the bricks crashed in.)

Cow: "Come on, Chicken. There is no time to lose!"

(Cut to the amusement park pier at night. The interest collector walks into sight in a trenchcoat. Cow and Chicken walk over similarly suited.)

Red Guy : "All right, girls. Let’s have the gum– and no funny stuff."

Cow: "Not so fast, lady! I want to see Crabs the Warthog doll first."

Red Guy : "Oh, if you insist."

(He takes Crabs out of his briefcase.)

Cow: "Crabs! You warthog doll!"

Chicken: [nervously] "Easy, now."

(Cow hands the interest collector a wad of gum and they run off with Crabs as the interest collector laughs.)

Red Guy : "Yes! I’m rich! I’m rich! I’m–"

(He sees he has a wad of chewed gum with a tooth in it.)

Red Guy : " Oh, no! A.B.C. gum! Already been chewed. NO!! STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!"

(He sticks the gum on his head and bangs it into a lamppost then realizes he’s stuck and struggles to pull it off.)

Red Guy : [groans] "Aah! Oh!"

(Tilt to several surfers walking past him still stuck to the lamppost during summer. Dissolve to him still stuck to the lamppost in fall with leaves blowing around by a jack-o-lantern. Dissolve to him still stuck in winter covered in snow. Dissolve to him still stuck while it rains. Dissolve to him still stuck in spring as several people walk by.)

Red Guy : "Hello! PANTSLESS GUY STUCK TO LAMPPOST here! I’m getting really annoyed here."

Dissolve to him still stuck in futuristic time with several rockets flying around with hims tarting to grow a baeard in a wheelchair. An old Cow and Chicken laugh as Chicken wheezes.

Red Guy : "End! Iris us out already!"

(He bangs his head on the lamppost as the camera irises out.)

Red Guy : " Heh-heh-heh! Thanks."

THE END