The Maze

LEFT. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. LEFT. IT'S BENEATH MY DIGNITY. RIGHT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I PUT UP WITH IT. A SUPERIOR INTELLECT IS AN APPALLING OBJECT TO SQUANDER. THIS MAZE WOULDN'T CHALLENGE A DEVELOPMENTALLY DISABLED SEA CUCUMBER.

YOO-HOO! BRAIN! OH, BRAIN! WHERE ARE YOU? THIS MAZE IS SO CONFUSING!

I WONDER IF SEA CUCUMBERS MAKE CREDIBLE SIDEKICKS. NAH.

OVER HERE, PINKY!

POIT! WHERE, BRAIN? I CAN'T FIND YOU!

REALLY? AND WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE ME?

WELL, BRAIN, IT WAS QUITE A WHILE AGO.

AND WHAT DID I LOOK LIKE?

OH, WELL, YOU WERE ABOUT SO TALL WITH BIG EARS AND A LUMPY HEAD AND A KIND OF SCOWLING LOOK ON YOUR FACE.

LIKE THIS?

YES! AND NOW YOU'RE WAY OVER THERE SOMEWHERE. [GASPS] OH, THERE YOU ARE, BRAIN. I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. I FOUND THE EXIT.

INDEED?

TA-DA!

BRILLIANT. PERHAPS, ONE DAY YOU'LL FIND THOSE MARBLES YOU LOST.

OH, I DON'T THINK SO, BRAIN. I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THOSE FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.

PINKY, REMIND ME TO HURT YOU WHEN WE GET OUT OF HERE.

'KAY.

DAY AFTER DAY, PINKY, WE MUST ENDURE THE SAME MINDLESS RITUAL. AND FOR WHAT?

A WEEKEND IN BRANSON, MISSOURI?

NO, PINKY. A MOLDY PIECE OF CHEESE.

AAH! HMMM THAT NEW JALAPEÑO FLAVOR HAS QUITE A KICK. OLÃ.

HERE. HAVE MINE.

MMM! THANK YOU. AAH!

THAT'S ENOUGH FUN FOR NOW.

SOON, OUR CEASELESS TORMENT WILL BE OVER, PINKY. THE MOMENT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR IS NEARLY UPON US.

THE BANANA SPLITS REUNION TOUR?

NO, PINKY, SOMETHING ALMOST AS EXTRAORDINARY. A HARMONIC CONVERGENCE OF EVERY CELESTIAL BODY IN OUR GALAXY.

INCREDIBLE, BRAIN! STUPENDOUS! UM, JUST ONE QUESTION, THOUGH.

YES, PINKY?

WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET ALL THOSE HARMONICAS?

YOU CAN STOP TRYING TO BREAK THE RECORD FOR ABSOLUTE IDIOCY, PINKY. THERE ARE NO OTHER CONTENDERS.

I AM THE KING! NARF!

THE HARMONIC CONVERGENCE IS A PRECISE ALIGNMENT OF PLANETS AND STARS, WHICH OCCURS BUT ONCE EVERY 5 BILLION, 3 HUNDRED, FIFTY-TWO-THOUSAND, NINETY-NINE-POINT SEVEN YEARS.

EGAD! HOW DID YOU FIGURE THAT ONE OUT, BRAIN?

THE SAME WAY I FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT, PINKY. A LITTLE WINGED FAIRY TOLD ME.

AW! DID SHE TELL YOU THE ONE ABOUT THE GELATIN MONSTER IN THE CHOCOLATE SAUCE? OH, THAT'S MY FAVORITE.

NOW, THE CONVERGENCE WILL CAUSE A GRAVITATIONAL FLUX THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE EARTH, WHICH WILL, IN TURN, TRIGGER AN INNER EAR IMBALANCE IN MANKIND. THIS WILL RENDER THEM SUSCEPTIBLE TO THE POWER OF SUGGESTION FOR PRECISELY 15 SECONDS. STOP THAT, PINKY!

EW! I'M STRANGELY SUSCEPTIBLE TO THE POWER OF YOUR SUGGESTION. HA HA! POIT!

FORTUNATELY, I AM POISED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS ONCE IN A MILLENNIUM MOMENT OF VULNERABILITY. I HAVE OBTAINED THIS RARE PROTOTYPE DILITHIUM MATRIX CHIP.

YUMMY! DOES THAT GO WITH ONION DIP?

IF IT DID, PINKY, YOUR DIPPY BRAINS WOULD BE THE PERFECT ACCOMPANIMENT. NO. IT GOES WITH THIS: THE FIRST SUBSONIC TRANSMITTER, WHICH WILL BROADCAST MY MESSAGE OF TOTAL SUBJUGATION TO THE DISORIENTED MASSES. THE HARMONIC CONVERGENCE BEGINS AT HIGH NOON, PINKY. YES! IN PRECISELY 27 MINUTES, I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!

Scientist: THIS'LL BE SWELL.

QUICKLY, PINKY.

AT LAST! THE LABYRINTHATRON 4,000 IS READY FOR A TRIAL RUN.

WE JUST NEED TO FIND THAT CONTROLLER CHIP.

THERE IT IS!

NO! NOT MY CHIP! PINKY, WE HAVE TO GET IT BACK.

[SNORTS] THIS VIRTUAL REALITY MAZE OUGHT TO STUMP 'EM. HA HA!

ISN'T IT DANGEROUS?

OH, GUY, THEY'RE JUST LAB MICE. WE CAN ALWAYS GET MORE.

OH, GOODY, BRAIN! MORE MOLDY CHEESE!

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, PINKY? WE ONLY HAVE 26 MINUTES. THEY'RE ABOUT TO PUT US INTO A NEVER-ENDING MORASS OF SHEER TORTURE FULL OF ROADS LEADING NOWHERE WITH NO LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

DO THEY HAVE FRUIT SALAD?

[BOTH GASPING]

AAH! AAH!

WHERE ARE WE, BRAIN?

WE'RE INSIDE THE MAZE.

NATIVE AMERICANS CALL IT MAIZE. WE CALL IT CORN.

GRRR. I SHALL IGNORE THAT, PINKY.

'KAY.

NOW, COME. WE MUST QUICKLY ASCERTAIN THE PROPER PATH.

TO FIND THE MOLDY CHEESE BALLS?

NO. TO FIND THE DILITHIUM MATRIX-- CHIP.

OH, THE GLASS BOX. NICE ONE, BRAIN. CAN YOU DO "WALKING IN VERY STRONG WIND"? [IMITATES WIND BLOWING] LOOK! LEANING ON AN INVISIBLE BROOM HANDLE. ZORT!

YES, WITH YOUR INVISIBLE MIND.

WHOA!

HOLOGRAPHIC IMAGING. IMPRESSIVE.

LOOK, BRAIN. POIT! CHEESE! WE MUST BE AT THE END.

NO! BE NOT TEMPTED, PINKY. THIS IS NOT CHEESE.

BUT, BRAIN, IT LOOKS SO GOLDEN AND YUMMY.

BE THAT AS IT MAY, IT'S JUST AN ILLUSION DESIGNED TO LURE US INTO... A TRAP!

OH, WELL, GOOD THING IT ISN'T RHUBARB PIE. OHHH! RHUBARB PIE!

NO, PINKY! IT'S JUST A HOLOGRAM.

PIE! NARF!

THE HOLOGRAM WILL DISPLAY WHATEVER YOU DESIRE MOST TO LURE YOU INTO THAT TRAP.

YOU MEAN THE VINNY BARBARINO DOLL I ASKED YOU FOR LAST WEEK?

PINKY!

WHAT DO YOU DESIRE MOST, BRAIN?

YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

WHEN DO YOU THINK WE'LL GET TO THE REAL CHEESE, BRAIN?

THE IMPORTANT MATTER IS, WHEN WILL WE FIND THE CHIP?

OOH, MAYBE THE CHIPS WILL BE RIGHT NEXT TO THE CHEESE, SORT OF AN HORS D'OEUVRES SPREAD. HA HA HA! MAYBE THEY'LL HAVE A CRUDITÃS OR PIGS IN BLANKET. AND WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE LITTLE COCKTAIL WEENIES ON TOOTHPICKS?

YOUR INTELLECTUAL SUPERIORS, PINKY.

HA HA HA! TROZ!

TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE, PINKY. WE MUST HURRY. CURIOUS. IT SEEMS WE'RE RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED.

OH! JUST LIKE DOROTHY IN THE WIZARD OF-- OZ.

JUST AS I SUSPECTED. COME, PINKY. NOW, WAIT.

OOH! MY HEAD IS SPINNING.

IN YOUR OWN CHILDLIKE WAY, PINKY, YOU ARE QUITE CORRECT. THE ENTIRE CORRIDOR IS REVOLVING. BY MY CALCULATIONS, THIS IS THE WAY OUT.

EGAD! BRILLIANT, BRAIN!

YES, PINKY.

NARF! THE CHEESE AT THE END OF THE MAZE!

NO, PINKY. IF OUR CAPTORS LEARN WE'VE COMPLETED THE MAZE, THEY'LL REMOVE US BEFORE WE CAN RECOVER THE DILITHIUM MATRIX CHIP. WE MUST CONTINUE OUR EXPEDITION UNSATED. UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE BACK AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MAZE.

HA HA HA! I KNOW WHERE TO GO!

NO, PINKY! THAT'S THE ROOM WITH THE HOLOGRAM. IT'S A TRAP! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN? TIME IS RUNNING OUT TO FIND THE CHIP!

WELL, I KNOW, BRAIN. THAT'S WHY I WISH WE HAD A MAP.

[GASPS] SOMETIMES YOU ASTOUND ME, PINKY. AT LAST, PINKY! THERE'S THE CHIP!

WHERE'S THE SOUR CREAM AND ONION DIP?

ONE MORE HORS D'OEUVRE JOKE, PINKY, AND I SHALL RUN A TOOTHPICK THROUGH YOU.

BUT I'M FEELING A BIT PECKISH. LUCKILY I BROUGHT ALONG ONE OF THOSE CHEESE BALLS.

PINKY, NO! NOT HERE!

AAH! RUN FOR IT,

PINKY! AAH!

AAH! OOF! OOF! AAH! AAH!

[RING]

PINKY, ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?

I THINK SO, BRAIN. BUT HOW WILL WE GET A PAIR OF ABE VIGODA'S PANTS?

NO, PINKY. THE TRANSMITTER IS RUINED. WE'VE MISSED THE PLANETARY ALIGNMENT, A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OCCURRENCE.

WELL, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE, THEN, WON'T WE? UHH!

COME, PINKY. WE MUST REST UP FOR TOMORROW MORNING.

WHY? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO IN THE MORNING, BRAIN?

THE SAME THING WE DO EVERY MORNING, Pinky: RUN THAT STUPID MAZE.

THEY'RE DINK,Y THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN.