Traffic Cam Caper

(Scene opens up showing the Flynn-Fletcher house at night.)

Candace: But, Mom, it's true. The boys built an elevator to the moon in the backyard today.

Linda: Last time I checked, the yard was noticeably moon-elevator free.

Candace: But...

Phineas: It's true. We were up there! Ferb did the whole "one giant step" thing. Check out this moon stuff we brought back!

(trumpets playing triumphantly)

Candace: Hmm?

Lawrence: Oh. You boys are so adorable.

Candace: Ah! You don't believe it. I'm so over this.

Linda: Oh Candace, revel in your brothers' imagination. Makes life so much more fun.

Phineas: (Yawns) Pushing the boundaries of time and space sure makes a guy tired.

Linda: See? How fun is that?

Lawrence: Night, boys.

Linda: Night, mopey.

Candace: (Mimics) "See? How fun is that?" If only they'd believe me...

Lawrence: Look at this. I got a traffic ticket from that camera they installed across the street. Oh, that blasted device picks up everything on the block 24 hours a day.

Linda: Doesn't it run out of tape?

Lawrence: Oh, no. It's on a compressed CD thingamabob. It can store months of digital video.

Candace: Video.

Linda: Hon, you know we drive on the right.

(Camera pans outside to show the traffic camera)

Lawrence: Yes, yes, so you keep telling me.

Candace: Gotcha!

(Scene shifts to Phineas and Ferb's room)

(Snoring, Wristwatch communicator vibrates; Spy theme)

Major Monogram: Excellent trick, Agent P. Sorry to disturb you at this late hour, but we are about to give you the most important mission of your career. Our computer indicates that a city security camera located near your civilian hideout has recorded your comings and goings as a secret agent. It's crucial to the agency's security that you get those recordings and bring them back to HQ for special disposal.

(Scene shifts to the traffic camera)

Candace: Heeheeheehee, heeheeheehee, heeheeheehee, hehhehhehheh, heeheeheehee. (Uses a ladder and climbs up to the traffic cam, removes the disk  Hums) I'm just borrowing this! La-la-la-la-la

(Perry gives a rather enraged look)

(Scene then shifts to Candace's room)

Candace: (puts disk in laptop and gasps) There it is! The elevator to the moon, ha! And the time they built the rollercoaster and the beach and the roller rink! Ooooooh! (grabs pillow, laughter is muffled) Can it be? Actual proof? Everything they've done over the summer? (to Perry) Oh, Perry, it's soooooooo beautiful!

Phineas: Candace, you okay? Your muffled emotion woke us up. What'cha watchin'?

Candace: Oh, just a little summer mini-series called... "Evidence"!

Phineas: Oh, cool, our moon elevator! Mom would love this! I wonder if she's still up, let's show her!

Candace: Yes! Let's show Mom. (to Perry) Oh, Perry, Perry, Perry. I will remember this night always. Just think: on this very computer are the deliciously incriminating images from that CD I borrowed that will finally bust my brothers! (Laughs maniacally)

Linda: All right Candace, what's going on in there?

Candace: Mom, I finally got the evidence that'll prove that...

Linda: Oh! Not this again! Show me in the morning.

Phineas: How's 7:00 sound?

Linda: And you, too! Outta here!

Phineas: We're gonna pencil her in for 7:30.

Linda: 9:00.

Phineas: Make that 9:00.

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!

After hours...

Doofenshmirtz: What is it? Oh-Oh, Perry the Platypus. Uh, hold on one second What? The pressures of an evil life! I need a grind guard. Wait a minute. Why are you here? You're not due to shatter my plans till tomorrow. Oh. Come on in.

Norm: Hi. I'm Norm.

Doofenshmirtz: That's it? You just want to borrow Norm? My giant robot man? Fine. Knock yourself out. I'm going back to bed. Just so you know, he's a little low on oil. Oh, and-and, Perry the Platypus-- I don't want to see one scratch on that machine.

(Perry gives Doofenshmirtz a thumbs up and goes with Norm down the elevator)

Norm: Hi. I'm Norm.

(Scene shifts to Candace's room)

Phineas: Hey, Candace. Ferb wants to get started on the multimedia presentation for Mom. Can we borrow the CD? (Tries grab the disk but Candace slaps his hand)

Candace: No way, Phineas. There's no way I'm lettin' this baby out of my sight. This is the single greatest moment in my life, and there is nothing you little creeps can do to take it away from me.

Norm: Hello, children. I'll take that. My name is Norm.

Candace: What was...that?

Phineas: I don't know, but it was cool.

Linda: Keep it down!

Candace: So...you guys didn't make that?

Phineas: No, but I want one.

Candace: But that thing ran off with my disk! My evidence!

Phineas: Don't worry, Candace. We'll help you get it back.

Candace: You guys would help me bust you?

Phineas: Sure, if it'll make ya happy. Plus, battling a giant robot, how cool is that?

Candace: Excellent!

Phineas: Let's go kick some robot heinie!

(Scene shifts to Norm)

Norm: What a lovely evening.

Candace: There he is!

Norm: Uh-oh. We need to get the lead out. Switching to hyper-transportation mode.

(Rockets causes Norm to pull away from the three)

Phineas: We're gonna need a faster bike.

(Scene shifts to the O.W.C.A. HQ)

Major Monogram: Any word from Agent P?

Carl: No, sir.

Major Monogram: So I guess all we can do is wait.

Carl: And hope, sir.

Major Monogram: And hope.

Carl: And also wait.

Major Monogram: I already did "wait," Carl.

Carl: Did we do "hope"?

Major Monogram: Ugh. I didn't become a major so I could sweat out a vaudeville routine with an intern.

Carl: Of course not, sir.

Major Monogram: So, does anyone know any good songs? How about you, Agent D?

(Agent D barks)

Major Monogram: Agent C?

(Agent C clucking)

Major Monogram: Carl, remind me again why all the agents are animals.

(Scene shifts back to Norm)

Female computerized voice: Estimated time to destination, 3.05 minutes.

Norm: We'll be there in no time!

Female computerized voice: Warning: Oil level low.

Norm: I could sure use an oily beverage.

(Norm stops at a gas station and Perry gives a clerk some money before taking all the oil cans)

(Song: "And the Animals Go")

Major Monogram: And the kitty goes: (Meow)

And the owl goes: (Hoot)

And the doggy goes: (Bark)

And the turkey goes:

And the turkey goes?

Carl: Ahem. Sir, we lost Agent T last November.

Major Monogram: Oooh! Right. (clears throat)

And that's how the animals go, go, go,

And that's how the animals go

Okay, everyone, one more time with feeling. (Agent C clucks)

Phineas: Good thing we had this extra rocket engine, huh?

Norm: Whoop. Here we go again. Uh-oh. (Oil leaking) Someone forgot to replace the oil cap. (Jet rockets break) I guess I'm walking. (He walks over a draw bridge which lifts up with Norm in the middle of the opening)

Candace: (Screams)

Phineas: Go get him, Ferb!

Norm: Hey, kids, this is not a gymnasium! (He shakes Ferb off and the draw bridge opens completely. Norm hangs by his legs on both sides of the open drawbridge) Boy, I'm sure in a pickle.

(Phineas grabs Norm's wallet and takes out the DVD)

Candace: Whoo-hoo!

Norm: Perhaps I should've worn cleats.

(Norm falls off the bridge causing Phineas to be launched in the air dropping the disk and dangling for his life on the bridge)

Phineas: Candace, help! The oil! I-I'm slipping!

Candace: I'm coming! Hold on, Phineas!

Phineas: Candace!

Candace: (sighs)

Phineas: But, Candace, the disk. You didn't save it.

Candace: What? And let you fall? You may be a pain, but you are my brother. (She and Phineas hug) Besides, I still have that big rocket for evidence. What happened to the rocket? (Rocket explodes)

Phineas: Hmm. Good thing we got off of that, huh?

(Ferb arrives on a helicopter)

Candace/Phineas: All right, Ferb! You got the disk!

Candace: Cool!

Phineas: All right! (Ferb flies off)

Candace: Ferb? Ferb, where you going?

Phineas: Ferb?

(Ferb, covered in oil, slides down the opened drawbridge)

Ferb: What did I miss?

Candace: Huh?

Phineas: Well, that was almost weirder than the giant robot.

(Perry reveals himself in the Ferb costume; as he flies off in the helicopter)

Perry!

(Scene shifts to the O.W.C.A. HQ)

Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P, I trusted that your mission was a complete success. Good work! Now, hand it over for the special disposal procedure. Careful, now. Careful.

(Carl puts on gloves, grabs the DVD and simply throws it in a trash can)

Carl: Got it.

(Perry makes a weird confusing expression)

Major Monogram: Agent P, you've saved this organization. If there's anything we can do for you in return, don't hesitate.

(The following morning....)

Lawrence: Oh, I can't believe it! It seems my video traffic ticket's been cleared. I guess there is someone up there looking out for me.

(Perry chatters)

(Scene shifts back to the O.W.C.A. HQ)

Major Monogram: Oh, the chicken goes: (Bawk)

And the dog goes: (Woof)

And the worm goes:

Outstanding, Agent W!

(Agent C pecks at Agent W)

Major Monogram: Agent C, don't do that.

And the new guy goes:

Norm: I'm Norm.

Major Monogram: (after a pause) You know, Carl, it's weird that he is not an animal. (Pauses) We should fire him.

Carl: I'm already on it, sir.