Dora the X-plorer

(We see different framed pictures of Dora through her life on the wall, and then move to Dora as she sits on a sofa and texts on her cellphone.)

Mrs. Marquez: [unseen] Dora! Dora!

Dora: Whaaaaaaaaaat?!

Mrs. Marquez: It's almost time for your quinceañera! I need you to run to the store!

Dora: [groans loudly for a few seconds] Fine!

(We cut to a marquee that says "Dora the Explorer: Quinceañera Special", and then to Dora shopping in a store and reading a list.)

Dora: Soda, cookies, horchata... [crumples and tosses the list aside] Barf! [turns to the audience] Help me out. Which beer has the highest drinking by volume?

(A computer cursor appears and clicks on the larger bottle.)

Dora: Good choice! [picks it up]

Backpack: Uh, Dora? You're not old enough to buy that!

Dora: No, s**t! [puts the bottle inside Backpack's head]

Backpack: Dora, please, no! It's wrong- [gets gagged by another bottle in her mouth]

Dora: Now let's complete this transaction! [runs out of the store]

Cashier: Hey, stop that kid!

(We snap to Dora standing outside in the street.)

Dora: [to the audience] I need your help again. I need everyone to shout, "Where my mother f***ing map at?!"

(The computer cursor appears again and clicks on her backpack.)

Dora: Awww, yeah! [pulls out Map and opens him up] Map, show me where to find my friend Marcus. He's always holding.

Map: I... uh... I don't know, Dora.

(Dora, annoyed, rips a corner of him off, making him scream in pain.)

Map: Okay, okay! He's at the park on Twelve under the jungle gym!

Dora: [excited] He said he might have some X, too! [crumples him up and throws him out of view as she talks to us] You can call me "Dora the X-plorer!"

(We cut to Dora's quinceñaera party, where she has on a pink and orange dress.)

Dora: [drunk and looking at the audience] Hey, I need your help! [gestures at her friends] Paulo or Maria?

(The computer cursor appears again and clicks on Maria.)

Dora: No argument here!

(She begins making out with her, causing Paulo and a group of turned-on men to gasp, pull out their camera phones, and take pictures of the girls making out.)

Swiper: [wearing a zoot suit, lifting up girls' skirts to look under them,and chuckling] Just call me the "virginity" Swiper.

Dora: [turns to Swiper and waves her hand] Swiper, no swiping! Swiper, no swiping!

Girl: [walks past Dora and Maria] You're too late.

(She walks up to Swiper, who jumps into the girl's arms, making her walk backwards into the maintenance room.)

Swiper: Oh, man!

(We cut to Mr. and Mrs. Marquez sitting at a table, watching the party.)

Mrs. Marquez: I wish Boots was here to see our little girl become a woman!

Mr. Marquez: Monkeys are cute when they're little, but Boots... he got big.

(We snap to a black and white TV screen with a large van, where an old woman is talking to Boots [as a chimpanzee].)

Old Woman: Oh, hello, Boots!

(Boots growls and attacks the old woman, slamming her into the van to make her blood gush out and pounding her with his fists; a second later, two policemen appear to stop the attack.)

Policeman 1: Get away!

Policeman 2: Get a- Oh, my God! Oh, my-

(The first policeman shoots Boots, killing him right away; then we cut back to the party Mr. and Mrs. Marquez, where most of the guests run by Dora's parents to get out of the building.)

Boy: [panicked] Oh, my God, Dora's on the roof!

(Dora's parents look appalled to hear this, and then we snap to Dora standing at the edge of the roof and looking at us.)

Dora: I bet I can fly. Do you think I can fly? [pauses for a moment, then begins crying in frustration] I've never been able to hear you! That's the show's big lie!

(She proceeds to jump with a cheer, but dies on the ground with a big splat. As she does this, the others, including her parents, watch and groan in disappointment.)

Paulo: Ugh, she missed the pool.

(As always, we end with a static screen.)