Hook

Boy, why are you crying? Because I couldn't get my shadow to stick. Besides, I wasn't crying. I shall sew it on for you, my little man. I shall sew it on for you, my little man. It may hurt a little. What's your name? Wendy Moira Angela Darling. - What's yours? - Peter Pan. Watch your daughter. She's wonderful. She's stealing the show. I think it's perfectly sweet of you. Louder! I think it's perfectly sweet of you. I shall give you a kiss if you like. Don't you know what a kiss is? I shall, once you give one to me. Now I shall give you a kiss. I don't ever wanna become a man. I always wanna be a little boy and have fun. We wanna be like Peter Pan We don't wanna grow up Brad. Yeah, I'm at my daughter's play. It's impossible. I'm on a plane to London tomorrow night with my family. A children's hospital is dedicating an entire wing to Granny Wendy. Brad... Peter, you're missing it. All right. I want a meeting, tomorrow a.m. Dad, my game! You promised. Listen, it's my son's big game. Last game of the season. Santa Series. I gotta be there. I promised. We'll make it short. I'll be there. My word is my bond. We never, never, never Never, never, never, never Never, never, ever wanna grow up Strike three! You're out. Bluejays, come on! Jack! Come on, Bluejays! Bluejays! Fire it up! Where is your father? He's missing it. Daddy'll be here. He promised. Jerry? Jack? - Jim. - I said that. Go to the game ahead of me. Film what I miss. This is the speech for your grandmother's tribute. - On cards? - Yes. - Number those. Who wrote it? - Ned Miller. I loved his annual report. Read it. "For the past 70 years, the Granny Wendy we honor tonight... ...has given hope and care and life to hundreds of orphans." Great. Mommy, where's Daddy? My briefcase. Gotta fly. Don't worry. More people crash in cars. It's a lot safer to fly than crossing the street. If it's your time to go, it's your time to go. And remember, don't let your arms get tired! What if it's the pilot's time to go? Come on, keep us alive, Banning! Keep us alive! Okay, come on! Hi, Mrs. Banning. I'm from the office. Which one's your son? - He's up to bat! - Thank you! Come on, Jack! Come on, pal! Come on, Jack! Don't look at me! Focus! Stay focused! Come on, Jack. One time, Jack. Come on, Jack! Come on, Jack! Please, not a curve ball. Mama wants a new pair of shoes. Drive me home, Jack! That's the game! Yeah, Brad, that's real good. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, your captain again. Please do not allow this minor turbulence to disturb you. For now, please sit back, relax. Enjoy the remainder of the flight. Thank you. Look what Jack drew! That's very nice, dear. What's that? Fire. Fire! Really? Is that our plane? Who are these people? That's Jack, that's me, that's Mom... ...and that's you. Where's my parachute? - I won't make it to my birthday. - You won't die without a phone. I got the phone in the briefcase. Talk to him. Why didn't I have a parachute, Jackie? Take a wild guess. - Jackie! - Jack. Will you stop? You can break a window. They're layered. You can't break them. Give me that. You're afraid you'll get sucked out. I'm not afraid. Yes, you are. You're afraid you'll be sucked out. Just stop. Jack, next season, I'm coming to six games. I promise. Yeah, be sure to buy enough videotape. My word is my bond. Yeah, junk bond! When are you gonna stop acting like a child? I am a child. Grow up. It's been a long time. Let's have fun, Peter. London's a magical place for children. - It was for us. - And expensive. Jack, don't do that. You could put someone's eye out. Maggie. Maggie. Peter, it's number 14. Sorry. What do you say to Granny Wendy? - "How do you do?" - Jack, get down! Be careful. Is Granny Wendy the real, real Wendy from my play? No, not really. Sort of. Don't be a sloucher. Take that gum out of your mouth. It's time to look our best. First impressions are the most important. Shoes tied. Shirt tucked. You know this. Remember, you're in England, land of good manners. Uncle Tootles. It's snowing! Look at these adorable children! It's good to see you, Libby... Linda... Lisa... - Liza. - I said that. Oh, Moira, how are you? You look wonderful! Oh, my God! Look at the size... Look at you! Such a sweet thing! - Granny Wendy will be right down. - She's upstairs? Oh, good. - Big boy! You could play rugby. - No, baseball. Oh, look. - Did you do this for us? - We've been cooking all week. You've been cooking? What've you been cooking? Mince pies? Peter, look at this. Look at this. - Who's that? - It's you. Was I ever that young? - What's gotten into you? - This house has gotten to me. Some of those things I was when I was young have never left me. Oh, thank God! We were children in these rooms. Lost, lost, lost. Lost what? I've lost my marbles. Lisa? Liza. - He was supposed to be in a home. - It broke Wendy's heart. Tootles is Wendy's first orphan. Which is which? Large bag's mine, and the smaller ones are the children's. Hello, boy. Hello, Wendy. I told you, Gran, I'd get him here, by hook or by crook. I'm sorry it's been so long between visits. It's been 10 years between visits. But never mind. Come and give me a skwoodge. Oh, Moira, Moira, Moira! Who is this lovely lady? It can't be Maggie. Yes, it can. And know what? I just played you at school. And don't you just look the part. Can this giant be Jack? How much you've grown in a year! I'm supposed to tell you about... ...congratulations for opening the orphan hospital... ...and how great the dedication is. - Thank you so very much. - Welcome. Now, there is one rule I insist be obeyed while you are in my house: No growing up. Stop this very instant. And that includes you, Mr. Chairman-of-the-Board Banning. Sorry, too late, Gran. And what's so terribly important about your terribly important business? You see, when a big company's in trouble... ...Dad sails in, and if there's any resistance... He's exaggerating. I'm still into mergers and acquisitions. And I'm dabbling in some land development. Any resistance and he blows them out of the water. So! Peter, you've become a pirate! Brad's on the line. He says it's urgent! Do you like my dress? Great, Gran. Thanks. Hey, Brad. Good news? What? What Sierra Club report? I thought we had these guys. He's trying to suck my blood! He drools all over my neck. What did they find? - That's a portable phone... - A Cozy Blue Owl? Well, listen. Ask them if anybody misses the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Oh, well, I do! Boy, do I ever! Wow, you kidding? Wait a minute. You telling me a 10-inch owl has a 50-mile mating radius? Why don't they just fornicate someplace else? You're telling me a 5-billion-dollar deal is falling apart because of this? Somebody shoot me in the head! Bang! Bang! Will everybody just shut up! I'm sorry. Leave me alone for one moment! Get them out of here! I'm on the phone call of my life! Come on, Jack. Out, out, out. Come with me. I'll show you the window where your dad and I used to blow out the stars. I should've stayed till the deal was done. Granny asked you to visit every year. I've been busy. You promised the children some real time here. You haven't looked at them once. - That's not true. - How many more broken promises? It's Brad, Moira. I gotta take this call. I gotta fix this. No, you gotta fix your family first. Peter, hello? Are you there? What? - I'm sorry about your deal. - You hated the deal. I hated the deal. But I'm sorry you feel so badly about it. Your children love you. They want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts? Soon Jack may not even want you to come to his games. We have a few special years with our children... ...when they're the ones that want us around. Then you'll be running after them for a bit of attention. It's so fast, Peter. It's a few years, then it's over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it. Peter, where are you? Peter! Peter! Peter! "All children, except one, grow up." Now, you know where faeries come from, don't you, Maggie? "When the first baby laughed for the first time... ...the laugh broke into a thousand pieces... ...and they all went skipping about. That was the beginning of faeries." And look. I'm Wendy. Or was, a long time ago. But Jack says you're not the really "real" Wendy. Do you see where Jack is? Well, that's the same window. And this is the same room... ...where we made up stories about Peter, Never Land and scary old Captain Hook. And do you know, Mr. Barrie, well, Sir James, our neighbor... ...loved our stories so much that he wrote them all down in a book. Oh, dear me, 80 years ago. You're really old! That's very true. I'm sorry to break this up. I have to steal Granny... ...or she'll be late for the most important event of her life. Oh, dear. Daddy, I made something for you. You're gonna love this. It's a hug. Next time you fly, you won't have to be scared. She's made you a parachute. That's very clever, dear. Get away from there! What have I told you about playing near open windows? Keep this window closed. Do we have open windows at home? No. They've all got bars on them. Come on. Into bed. Who took my baseball? That mean, scary man at the window stole it. There's no scary man. But he says he's a window washer. What's this? A baseball glove. You can catch things with it... ...take hot things out of the oven, hit your sister with it. Tootles made it for me. It smells nice. It's paper, honey. Hey, Jack. Faker. You're in charge now. This is my very special watch, so you can keep track of the time. Don't go out, Mom. Please. Good night. Dear night-lights, protect my sleeping babes. Burn clear and steadfast tonight. I read recently that they're now using lawyers instead of rats for experiments. They do this for two reasons: One, the scientists become less attached to the lawyers. And two, there are certain things that even rats won't do. I thank the Board of Trustees of the Ormond Street Hospital... ...for having me here this evening... ...and beg your forgiveness because normally I address shareholders. We don't know each other, and I doubt that we have very much in common... ...except this wonderful woman, Wendy Angela Darling. Granny Wendy brought me in from the cold. She taught me to read and write. She even found people to be my parents and adopt me. She's loved so many children... ...just so efforlete... efforse... effortlessly. That's her achievement. Many of you here tonight were once lost children... ...but Granny Wendy found parents and homes for each of you... ...and saved you. That's her miracle. I know that if you could stand now, you would express much better than I have... ...your feelings of gratitude... ...appreciation... ...and warm feelings... ...for this wonderful woman. I guess we do have something in common. We're orphans. Hook! Hook. Jack... You all right? Wendy? Thank you, Nigel. Norman? Neville, sir. Is that English? Merry Christmas. I was proud of you. It was a beautiful speech. Yes, it was. Liza? Tootles? My God! The children! Jack! Answer me! Maggie! The wind came up. The door closed on me... ...and the children were screaming! The children were screaming! The window. "Dear Peter: Your presence is required at the request of your children. Kindest personal regards... ...J.A.S. Hook... ...Captain." Have to fly. Have to fight. Have to crow. Have to save Maggie. Have to save Jack. Hook is back. Who? Gran! Well, the lab boys can analyze this little lot. We've wired the phones, and two of my lads will be outside at all times. It's possible that this is some kind of ridiculous prank. My children are missing. Yes, but the literary history of the family suggests... Let's hope... I've forgotten how to fly. Yeah, well, one does. Good night, ma'am. Good night, sir. No more happy thoughts. Lost! Lost! - The police will do everything they can. - The police can do nothing. Really? Maybe we should call the American police. In a crisis, we English always make a cup of tea. Moira, would you? Yes, of course. Don't forget to warm the pot. I'll go. You stay. Don't worry, Gran Wendy, I wasn't gonna leave. Hand me my book, please. It's time to tell you, at last. Tell me what? How far back can you remember, Peter? I remember the hospital on Great Ormond Street. You worked with orphans. You arranged for the adoption by my American parents. You were 12, nearly 13. I mean, before that. There's nothing before that. Try, Peter. Do try. Nothing. You know, when I was young... ...no other girl held your favor the way I did. I expected you to alight on the church and forbid my vows on my wedding day. I wore a pink satin sash. But you didn't come. Grandma? Yes, I was an old lady when I wrapped you in blankets. A grandmother. With my 13-year-old granddaughter asleep in the bed. Moira. And when you saw her... ...that was when you decided not to go back to Never Land. Where? To Never Never Land. - I'll get Moira. - I've tried to tell you... - Maybe the tea's ready. - I knew you'd forgotten! I'm not ready to deal with this now. The stories are true. I swear to you. I swear on everything I adore. And now he's come back to seek his revenge. The fight isn't over for Captain James Hook. He wants you back. He knows you'll follow Maggie and Jack to the ends of the earth. And, by heaven, you must find a way. Only you can save your children. Somehow, you must go back. You must make yourself remember. Remember what? Peter, don't you know who you are? Yes, boy. Yes. Sorry. Parachute... Firefly from hell! Big damn bug! It is you! It is! A big you! It's not bad you're big. You were always big. Maybe this means you'll be twice as much fun. What fun we'll have again! What times! What great games! You're a little... Faerie. Pixie. If less is more, there's no end to me, Peter Pan. - Peter Banning. - Pan. - Banning. - Pan. Whoever you are, it's still you. Because only one person has that smell. Smell? The smell of someone who's ridden the wind. The smell of sleeping in trees. Adventures with Indians and pirates. Remember? The world was ours! We could do everything or nothing. I had to be anything because it was always us. It's happened. I'm having a nervous breakdown. Follow me and all will be well. I'm dying. Heading towards the white light. I've left my body. There's my house down there. There are my feet. - Where are we going? - To save your children! - How do you know about my kids? - Everybody knows! Hook's got them and you've gotta fight him! Let's fly! It is true, then. You did grow up. I drank poison for you. You used to call me "Tink." - Have you forgotten everything? - Are you in there, bug? I'm not a bug. I'm a faerie. I do not believe in faeries. Anytime someone says, "I do not believe in faeries," a faerie falls down dead. I do not believe in faeries!! My God, I think I killed it. Are you alive, little bug? Look out! Clap your hands, Peter. It's the only way to save me. Clap... Louder. Louder, Peter! I'm clapping! Oh, God, you're alive! All right. Now, who am I? You're a Freudian hallucination of my mother. I don't know why you have wings, but you have lovely legs. What am I saying? I'm an orphan. I've never taken drugs. I missed the '60s. I was an accountant. Guess again! Look, stars! That's right, Peter. Second star to the right and straight on till morning. Never Land! What a nightmare! Roll out! Roll out! Lovely fish! Fresh fish! We keep the eyes in so they'll see you through the week! Excuse me. Is there a pay phone around here? That is so real. Peter, get back here! Get down! Get low! Hide! If it ain't the Mother Inferior. Gentlemen, I'm looking for someone. I fancy them shiny shoes for my booties. I think you can get them at Armani. Tink! Tink! Help! Don't get no blood on them boots! They's mine! Help me! Tinkerbell! You pixie devil! Please don't! I have a bad back! You pixie devil! Are you related to Mighty Mouse? If you insist on seeing Hook... ...do exactly what I say. Your left arm is dead and hangs lifeless at your side. Lean on the crutch! Left foot turned in. Tilt your head and glare with your good eye! Now crack your mouth and drool. Now growl! Growl! - How are you? - Not bad, and you? Not bad! Put your faces on, girls. Here comes Smee! Follow that Hook! Make way for the Hook! Me mother loves that Hook! Give us the Hook! Give us the Hook! Good morning, Never Land! Good morning, Mr. Smee! Tie down the main mast, mateys. Because here he is! The cunning kingfish! The brave barracuda! A man so deep, he's almost unfathomable. A man so quick, he's even fast asleep! Thank you! Let's give him a very big hand... ...because he's only got one. I give you the steel-handed stingray... ...Captain James Hook! Hook! Hook! Hook! Hook! See how greatly the men favor you, sir? The pealing spawn. How I despise them! Go get 'em, captain! Thank you! Well, my stupid, sorry, parasitic sacks of entrails... Revenge is mine. Long live the Hook! I baited that Hook and now I'm proud to announce... ...we have his children. My God! Jack and Maggie. Finally I'm going to kill Peter Pan... ...that cocky boy who cut off my hand and fed it to the crocodile! And who killed that cunning crocodile? Who stuffed him? Who made him into a quiet clock? Who went to the other world and stole Pan's children? And who didn't believe I could do it? Who doubted me? Who amongst us does not belong? Someone here does not belong. Stranger amongst the loyal, I'll weed you out. You! You! Where's the carpet, Smee? Sorry, sir. You! You! That's right, you! No, not you! Not you. You. You! You bet against me bringing Pan back here, didn't you? Tell your captain the truth. Say it. Say it. I did. - You made a boo-boo. - I did. - The Boo Box. - Not the Boo Box! Boo! Put me down! I want my mommy! I want my daddy! Hello, children. Comfy? Cozy? Those are my kids! Those are my kids! Everything's gonna be all right. It's all right. Daddy's here. I want those kids out of that net or you better get an attorney. Who are you? I'm Peter Banning. I want my children. Those are your? These are your children? And you're? You're Peter? You're Peter? No! - You're Peter? - Is there an echo in here? Yes! My great and worthy opponent? Who is this impostor? Peter flogging flying Pan! I'm not Peter Pan. I am just an ordinary... I've got a sworn affidavit by a T. Bell. I've got his medical history. I even got his dental records. Are you trying to do me out of my job? May I show you something? Will you let go? Release him. - May I show you this? - Will you shut him up. - Captain, put these on. - I want to see the scar. The hypertrophy. Here's where you sliced him during the Tiger Lily incident. That's my appendix! What's this? Faerie footprints. He's Peter Pan or I've got a dead man's dinghy. Is it you? My great and worthy opponent? But it can't be. Not this pitiful, spineless, pasty, bloated... ...codfish I see before me. You're not even a shadow of Peter Pan. You have an obligation to clarify this Pan problem. This disaster. - Which must be remedied. - Expediently. I want my children. The stakes can be no higher. For me, sir, they could have sunk no lower. And I want my war! Blow him out of the water! Daddy's handling this. It's okay. Pick up your weapon. How much? Hoist and raise the kiddies! I'll make you a deal, Mr. Chairman. Fly up there... ...and touch the fingers of your children, and I'll set them free. I can't fly. Explode out of there! Stop this charade! Free your children! I beg your pardon? You must be joking. Peter Pan has a real problem with heights. I'm not Peter Pan. It's okay. Hang on, son. I'm coming, sweetheart. - Somebody give me a hand. - I already have. Save us, Daddy! "Save me, Daddy!" We know who you are! What new game is this, Peter? Fly! Stop pretending! Fly! I know it's you! Be the Pan you are. Fly! Fly! Think a happy thought. Just touch our fingers and we'll be able to go home. Touch them, Peter, and it's all been just a bad dream! Just reach out and touch them! Flap your arm and fly! Reach! Come on, Daddy. Mommy could do it. I don't understand. Why doesn't he fly? He's a fop Peter Pan! He's Peter Pan, all right, captain. He's been away from Never Land so long, his mind's been gentrified. He's forgotten everything. Please don't give up. I want to go home. Gentlemen, I'm afraid I have decided to cancel the war. He can't fly, but he can swim! Kill them. Kill them all. Bring on the plank! And I never want to hear the name Peter Pan again! What about the name Hook? Do you want to be remembered as a bully? Or as the great warrior who defeated a heroic Pan? One week and I'll get him in shape, and you can have your dirty old war. It's a trick, captain! Let me blast that buzzing vixen to pixie hell! You promised people the war of the century. Your whole life has been building to this. Mortal combat, glory! Hook versus Pan! That is not Pan. Two days. Four. Bare minimum for a decent Pan. Three. Final offer. Done. And you'd better deliver, Miss Bell... ...or no amount of clapping will bring you back from where I will send you. Hear me, men. I've decided that the so-called Pan... ...will return in three days to commence the arbitrament of the sword. Smee, translate. In three days we'll have a war. A battle between good and evil, to the death. Help me! Snow! What? What? Help! Get me down! Oh, you're alive! Oh, get me down! I believe! Lost Boys! Lost Boys! Wake up! Pan's back! Lost Boys! Lost Boys! Wake up! That was my pillow! I'm up. Wake up, you sleepyheads! Pan's back! Pan's back! Pan! Pan! Who's the shrub? Bangerang! That ain't Peter Pan. He's old. He's fat! Not so fat to me. He's an old, fat grandpa man. Rufio! That is so dangerous. That's enough! Okay, mister. All right. The show's over. Put that thing away! Put it down before you poke somebody's eye out. You're not old enough to shave. What are you doing with that sword? This is an insurance nightmare! What's this? Lord of the Flies preschool? Where are your parents? Who's in charge here? No, Mr. Skunkhead-with-too-much-mousse, you're just a punk kid. I want to speak to a grownup! All grownups are pirates! Excuse me? We kill pirates. I'm not a pirate. It so happens I am a lawyer. Kill the lawyer! I'm not that kind of lawyer. I've been shot! Help! Help me, somebody! Boys, listen! He married Wendy's granddaughter! Hook's kidnapped his kids. He's just out of shape. We have to make him bangerang! No, no! Please stop! Why are you doing this to me? Rufio, you're the best with a sword. Please teach him. We gotta make him remember. Excuse me. Help me! Not you! Oh, my! A wall. Lost Boys, stop! Stop it! Play! Play. You're dead, jolly man. He can't do those things. He can't even play simple games. Hook has got his kids, and I've got three days... ...to get him ready to fight. And I need everybody's help. Peter Pan's got kids? He can't fly, fight or crow. If any of you says this here scug ain't Peter Pan... ...cross the line. What? I'll be right back. What? You are embarrassing me! Oh, there you are, Peter! But, Peter... ...you've grown up. You promised never to grow old. His nose got real big. Well, welcome back to Never Land, Pan the Man. Don't listen to that faerie and that brainless fungus! I got Pan's sword! I'm the Pan now! You think this guy's gonna take it from me? Rufio? Wait! If Tink believes, maybe he is. Are you gonna follow this drooler against Capitan Hook? What's he doing here if he's not Peter Pan, huh? He don't look happy here. And who are them kids Hook's got? Give him a chance! Those are my kids, and Hook's gonna kill them unless we do something. Help me. Please. Yeah, come on! Give him a chance! Well, I should claw myself with my own hook. Not to kill Pan when I had the chance! What have I done? What have I done, Smee? Agreed to a preposterous plan, an absurd war. Now I'm bound by my indefatigable good form to wait. - I'll fix you a nice plate. - Wait for what? Whether it be three days or three decades, he'll always be a fat, old Pan. I hate being disappointed, Smee. And I hate living in this flawed body! And I hate living in Never Land! And I hate, I hate... ...I hate Peter Pan! Smee? Smee? I've just had a sublime vision. All the jagged parts of my life... ...have come together to form a complete and mystical whole. An epiphany. A "piphy" what? My life is over. You've lost your appetite? Yes. Goodbye. Where're you going? Are you getting dramatic? Goodbye, Smee. Captain, why don't we play with your island? All the little Indians and the soldiers and all the Lost Boys? Here we go. No stopping me this time, Smee. This is it. Don't make a move, Smee. Not a step. My finger's on the trigger. Don't try to stop me, Smee. Oh, not again. This is it. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't you dare try to stop me this time, Smee. Try to stop me. You better get up off your ass. Get over here! - I'm coming! - Stop me! This is not a joke! I'm committing suicide! Don't ever frighten me like that again. - Sorry. - What are you, a sadist? I'm sorry. How do you feel now? - I want to die. - Oh, now, now. - There's no adventure here. - You call this "no adventure"? Death is the only great adventure I have left. Let's get you into bed. It's all over. - I'm so tired. - Don't upset yourself, captain. My career is over. This was supposed to be the war to end all wars. - And it will be, captain. - The ultimate war. There must be a way to get at him, to get even with him... ...to get him where it really would hurt. There must be something I haven't thought of. Where is he vulnerable? No more talk about doing away with yourself. I mean, what would the world be like without Captain Hook? Indeed. Good form, Smee. - What would the world be like without me? - There you go. I'm ready for my nightcap. Abso-flogging-lutely. I think a bit of skulduggery would do you good. Take your mind off this Pan business. First thing tomorrow morning, we'll shoot some Indians out at Long Tom. I'm tired of killing Indians and Lost Boys. I always kill them. I want to kill Peter Pan. I wanna kill him! Hear me? I want to kill him. Oh, dear. I've just had an apostrophe. I think you mean an "epiphany." Lightning has just struck my brain. Well, that must hurt. - Pan's kids... - What about them? You could make them like you. Say, what? No, no, no. We could make the little buggers love you. No little children love me. - Captain, that is the point. - What do you mean? That is the ultimate revenge. - What is? - Pan's kids in love with Hook. What're you getting on about? - It's the ultimate payback. - What is? Imagine Pan... ...when he faces you, and his kids... ...standing beside you... ...ready to fight for the sleaziest sleaze of the seven seas, Captain Hook. - Captain, it's beautiful. - Yes, I see. You know, Smee... ...I like it, I like it, I like it! Oh, Smee, what a superb idea I've just had! Tomorrow, I'll make Pan's brats love me. Peter Pan will fly again. He'll remember how. And if he doesn't, those dirty Lost Boys will jog his memory. Oh, yes, you'll see. He'll crow, he'll fight, he'll fly... ...and then, he'll die. Pick 'em up Move 'em down Pick 'em on up Move 'em on down Ain't no time to celebrate You are old and overweight Gotta lose a million pounds Get your fat butt off the ground Reach on down and touch your toes How long since you looked at those? Shape up Lose weight Get thin Gotta win Jumping jacks are good for you Now your face is turning blue Swing your arms around your back Give yourself a heart attack Gotta train In the rain In the sun In the snow Ten below Gotta move Gotta do Gotta grow Go easy on me. I'm a beginner. Low! High! High! All right, gramps. Give it your best shot. Rufio's only trying to help. Listen. Learn. Okay, you ready? I don't wanna hurt you. Watch your skin! Be bangerang, old man. What are you doing? How does this help me get my kids back? What do I have to do next? Next, time to fly. Just think happy thoughts. All you need is one happy thought, Peter, and it'll make you fly. I got it! Not being in this slingshot would make me very happy! He's going up! He's coming down! Now, pay attention, class. We have a lot to go over. "Lesson one: Why parents hate their children." Anyone? Doesn't Mommy read to us every night? You, the cute little urchin in the front row... Won't you share your thoughts with the whole class? Yes. I said Mommy reads to us every night... ...because she loves us very much. Loves you? Isn't that... The "L" word, captain. No, child. Your mother reads to you every night in order to stupefy you to sleep... ...so that she and Daddy can sit down for three minutes without you... ...and your mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive demands: "He took my toy." "She hid my bear." "I want to potty. I want a cookie. I want to stay up." "I want, I want, I want!" "Me, me, me, me!" "Mine, mine, mine, mine!" "Now, now, now!" Can't you understand, child? - They tell you stories to shut you up. - And conk you out. That's not true, Jack. You're a liar! Lie? Me? Never! The truth is far too much fun. Before you were born, your parents would stay up all night together... ...just to see the sunrise. Don't be frightened. Maggie, before you were born, they were happier. They were free. You are a bad man. Smee, flunk the maggot. Abso-flogging-lutely. An "F"? He gave me an "F"! Your father went to your sister's school play, did he not? But did he go to your baseball game? How'd you know about that? He missed the most important game on the most important day... ...of your young life. - I wanna tear your hook off! - Easy. I hate, I hate you, Mr. Hook! What did I tell you, Smee? No little children love me. Of course they do. Come on. You're depressing the captain. Jack, listen to me! Never let him make you forget! Never forget... ...Mommy and Daddy! Think of a way to run home, Jack! Run home! Run home? You are home. Right? Oh, yeah. No, no, no. We don't use them. - Why do you have them? - So we don't have to use them. Don't crowd me! Come on, Thud Butt! Everybody say grace. Bless this, Lord... Grace! All of my favorite Never Foods! Yams, mamey apples and banana squash! Wash it down, calabash and papaw! Can you blow on this? Thank you. This is good! Are you eating that? No, please. Eat! What's the deal? Where's the real food? If you can't imagine yourself being Peter Pan, you won't be him, so eat up! Eat what? There's nothing here. Gandhi ate more than this. This used to be your favorite game. Forget the games. I want real food! Steak, eggs... You can't. Eat your heart out, you crinkled, wrinkled fat bag! - You're very ill-mannered... - You're a slug-eating worm. You can do better than that! You're encouraging them? Show me your fastball, dust brain! You paunchy, sag-bottomed puke pot! Bangerang, Rufio! You're a very poor role model for these kids, you know? You don't have a fourth-grade reading level. - Hemorrhoidal sucknavel. - Maybe a fifth-grade reading level. Oil-dripping, beef-fart sniffing bubble butt. Someone has a severe caca mouth. You know that? You are a fart factory! Slug-slime sack of rat guts and cat vomit... ...cheesy scab... ...picked pimple-squeezing finger bandage! A week-old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side! Substitute chemistry teacher. Come on, Rufio, hit him back. Mung tongue! - Math tutor. - Pinhead. - Prison barber. - Mother lover. Nearsighted gynecologist. - In your face, camelcake! - In your rear, cow derrire! Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig! Lewd, crude bag of pre-chewed food dude. Bangerang, Peter! You man! Stupid, stupid man! If I'm a maggot burger, why don't you just eat me? You zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farming, paramecium brain... ...munching on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy! What's a "paramecium brain"? I'll tell you what a paramecium is! That's a paramecium! It's a one-celled critter with no brain that can't fly! Don't mess with me, man! I'm a lawyer! Banning, Banning! Rufio! Rufio! Oh, Rufio, why don't you just go suck on a dead dog's nose? You're doing it. - Doing what? - Using your imagination, Peter. You're playing with us, Peter. You're doing it, Peter. Drink your papaw, Peter. How is it? Bangerang. Catch! Hey, Pockets... ...catch! Oh, Don't Ask! Bangerang! Hey, Pan the Man, catch this! Peter, look out! Peter, watch out! Bangerang. Peter... ...can I talk to you? Sure, Thud. - I remember Tootles. - You do? He was lost too. How could you know Tootles? He was a Lost Boy. These are his marbles. These are his happy thoughts. - He really did lose his marbles. - Yeah, he lost them good. Peter, you know what? My happy thought will help you. What's your happy thought? Mine's my mother. Do you remember your mother, Peter? Wish I could. Listen. My mom sang that song. My young Jack, tell me about the game of baseball. I can't remember. Are the mates standing or are they on horseback? The stars are all my friends Till the nighttime ends So I know I'm not alone When I'm here on my own Isn't that a wonder When you're alone You're not alone Not really alone Good night, Never Land! What is it? I hear it. I hear it again. Smee, it's that crocodile, back from the dead! Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock! Is that the clock? You killed that croc years ago. We smash every clock we find. Little elf didn't know any better. To the museum, at once. Shine 'em up! Put a fresh coat of varnish on your peg, right here! Broken clocks... Each one ticked its last tock, and now all is well. Just listen. I don't hear anything. I know! Good form! Exactly! Jack, you see this? Come over here. You can take it. This is Barbecue's very own bedside clock. He was quite an infamous pirate. I smashed this clock immediately after I gutted him. His ship made a pretty bonfire! Such a pretty, pretty... What is that I hear? A ticking? Smee, stop the ticking! Stop that! Stop that "tick-tick"! There's no ticking here. There's nothing left to tick. Oh, my God! This is for the ticking that might have been. Get his father's watch! Go on. You know you want to. Give it a try. Go on. This is for... ...never letting me blow bubbles in my chocolate milk! - Good form! Bravo! - Isn't that wonderful? This is for never letting me jump on my own bed! Make time stand still, laddie. For always making promises and breaking them! For never doing anything with me. For a father who's never there, Jack? Jack, for a father who didn't save you on the ship. Who wouldn't save us... Who couldn't save you, Jack. He wouldn't. He didn't even try. He was there, we were there, and he wouldn't try. Jack... ...he will try. And the question will be: When the time comes, do you want to be saved? Now, don't you answer now. No, no, no, no. Now it's time to be whatever you want to be. Put behind you any thoughts of home... ...that place of broken promises. That what? Have I ever made a promise, Jack... ...I have not kept? Have I, son? Come on. Let's go! I don't like this game. "Steal Hook's hook As fast as you can." "It'll make you proud." "Then you crow like Pan." Confound it, Druscilla, glove me. The game is about to start. I need my bubbly. Give me my bubbly. Steal Hook's hook, then crow! Jackie, boy! Jack! This is for all the games your daddy missed. Hook would never miss your game, son. You're almost there. Take it. - What's he looking at? - Come on, you're this close! What's wrong? - Grab it, come on. - Grab it, Peter! Come on, Jack. And one! Wait for the good pitches. Wait for the good pitches! Jack! Jack! He's our man. If he can't do it, no one can! He's stealing second! No, now stop it! We're playing this game according to Master Jack's rules! Bad form! Sit down now! Let's resume the game! Very violent sport, isn't it, baseball? Come on, Jack! Run home, Jack! Run home, Jack! "Run home, Jack." Smee, no, no, no! They've got it backwards! Tell them to turn it around! Maggie? Switch! Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack. Home run, Jack. He can't hit the curve. My Jack! My Jack. You did it! Hoist him up! That's my boy! You did it, son! Gotta fly! Happy thought. Happy thought, happy thought, happy thought, happy... One great, big happy thought! Less is more. I can! "Tootles. Wendy. John. Michael. Peter." Be careful, Peter. You're a lot taller than you used to be. Well, say something. Do you like my dress? You look beautiful. What's the occasion? You are. It's a welcome-home party. What happened here? Hook. Burnt it when you didn't come back. Kiss. Wendy. This is Wendy's house. Tootles and Nibs built it for her. I remember. Wendy would sit in that chair. But it wasn't there. It was here. We used to sit here while she'd darn socks and tell us stories. She slept here. Tink, your apartment was right here. Yes. Little Michael in his basket bed, right here. John. Teddy. My Teddy. Mother used to put him in the pram to keep me company. I remember my mother. I remember her. You can be sure, very fine schools indeed. First, he will attend Whitehall, then Oxford. And of course... ...after graduation, he will prepare for a judgeship in the highest court... ...making time for marriage and family and all of that. Just like his father. Isn't that what grownups want for their children? I was afraid. I didn't wanna grow up. Everybody who grows up has to die someday. So I ran away. Tink... ... you came and you saved me. You brought me to Never Land. You taught me to fly. But I was still a little boy, and I missed my mother. So I decided to fly home to my very own window. But it was shut. They'd forgotten about me. I found other windows to visit, ones that weren't shut closed on me. That's how I met Wendy. I chased my shadow in her nursery. I expected my shadow and I would join together like drops of water. Boy! Why are you crying? What's your name? Wendy Moira Angela Darling. What's yours? I came back many times for Wendy. Always in the spring. And Wendy kept getting older... ... and older. And then I came back the last time. Peter, I can't come with you. I've forgotten how to fly. I'm old, Peter. Ever so much more than 20. - I grew up a long time ago. - No, no, no! - You promised! - I have children of my own now. They have children of their own. That's my grandchild, Moira, asleep in the bed. When I saw her lying there sleeping... ... at that moment, something changed in me forever. I shall give her a kiss. No! No, Peter! No buttons, no thimbles. I couldn't bear her heart to be broken when she finds she can't keep you. No. I mean a real kiss. I can see why you have trouble finding a happy thought. So many sad memories, Peter. Bye, Teddy. Not Teddy. Daddy! Daddy! Peter, you're a daddy. Hi, Jack. I know why I came back. I know why I grew up. I wanted to be a father. I'm a daddy. My happy thought. I got it! I got it! I found it! I lost it! Just hold that happy thought, Peter! Peter Pan! He's back! He's back! He's back! Play! Play! You are the Pan. You can fly, you can fight, and you can... Tink, you in there? Are you sad? No, I'm neither. Please go away. Oh, you're sick. You need a Band-Aid. Or a thermometer! That's how Nibs made the Wendy lady better. Oh, no, Peter! It's not about that! Yes, it is! Nibs put the thermometer in her mouth. Felt all better. Don't we have the greatest adventures? Do you remember your next great adventure to save your kids? Kids? Peter Pan's got kids? Why are you in Never Land? To always be a little boy and have fun. I like this game. Ask me another one. Oh, dear me! I did it. Tink, look what happened! You broke your house. You're humongous. This is the only wish I ever wished for myself. This is the biggest feeling I've ever, ever felt. And this is the first time I've been big enough to have it. Peter, I wanna give you a kiss. No, I mean a real kiss. I love you, Peter Pan. I love... ...her. "Her," who? Mo... Moira! I love Moira... ...and Jack and Maggie. Jack and Maggie... I have a plan. Tink? Come on. You gotta come. When it's all over, you'll leave and never come back again. What are you staring at, Peter? Save them. Go save them. You silly ass, go! Jack, it's a very special time when a pirate receives his first earring. It's like the first time you run someone through with your blade. Now, Jack... ...I'm gonna ask you to bend your head ever so slightly. A little more. That's it. And brace yourself, lad. Because this... ...is really going to hurt. Smee, what is that? Who is that, captain? It's Peter Pan. Has it been three days? 'Tis true, Peter... ...time does fly. And so do you, I see. How did you ever manage to fit into those smashing tights again, Peter? Hand over my son now and you and your men may go free. Why don't you ask the lad yourself? Jack, someone to see you, son. Jack, give me your hand. We're going home. I am home. Good form! You see, Peter, he is my son. He loves me dearly. And I'm prepared to fight dearly for him. I've waited long to shake your hand with this. Peter Pan, prepare to meet thy doom! Dark and sinister man, have at thee. Don't you love it, laddie? Once you've shed blood, it's hard to stop! It's a pirate's life, my lad! Jack, Jack! - Don't I know him? - No, you've never seen him before! You won't believe this, but I found my happy thought. It took me three days, then guess what happened? Up I went! You know what my happy thought was? It was you. That's my dad... but he hates to fly! Bangerang! Call out the militia! We'll need every last man! If there's anybody not fighting, get here quick! Form ranks! Form ranks! Show them the white light we're made of! Remember the fires from hell that forged you! Charge! Now! We'll show you who's chicken! Watch this! Smee! Do something intelligent! "Smee, Smee"! What about Smee? What about Smee? What about me? Thud ball! Fire! Hey, wait! Look out below! Somebody help! Here we go. Take it, take it, take it! Lost Boys, down! My eyes! It's time for Smee. Where do you think you're going? Get away from that window! Hook! Rufio. The old man is mine. Jack! Save me! Maggie! Get down here! Maggie! Daddy! Wait, ain't you... Peter Pan. Daddy! Daddy? Peter Pan's my dad? I'll never lose you again. Lost Boys, we got them on the run! Here comes Pan! Looky, looky, I got Hooky. Hook! No! Do you know what I wish? What? I wish I had a dad... ...like you. Oh, Dad, I'm sorry. Are you ready for me, Peter? Come on. Humor the Hook. Dad. I wanna go home. What are you talking about? You are home. Where are you going? Lost Boys! Peter! Where are you going? Come back here and fight me! I'll find you wherever you are! Bad form, Peter! Come back. You need a mother very, very badly! Smee! Follow me! - Stairs! - Just moving your personal... Wherever you go, wherever you are... ...I vow there will always be daggers bearing notes signed "James Hook." They will be flung at the doors of your children's children's children. Do you hear me? What do you want, old man? Just you. You've got me, James Hook. Pan "The Avenger" is back. And the Hook is waiting, Peter Pan. It's Hook and me this time. - Prepare to die. - To die would be a great adventure. Death is the only adventure you have left. I remember you being a lot bigger. To a 10-year-old, I'm huge. No pain, no gain, James! Good form, old man. You know you're not really Peter Pan. This is only a dream. You'll wake up, you'll be Peter Banning, a selfish man who drinks too much... ...who's obsessed with success and runs and hides from his wife and children. I believe in you. - I believe in you. - I believe in you, Peter. I believe in you. You are the Pan. You're Peter Pan. I believe in you... ...Peter Pan. - Bad form! - Jack, stop! Now we end this. You blackguard! Hello! Tick-tock, tick-tock... ...Hook's afraid of an ordinary clock! I think not! I think James Hook's afraid of time, ticking away! Tick... Good form, Peter. I am fallen. Give me my dignity. You took my hand. You owe me something. You killed Rufio. You kidnapped my children. You deserve to die. Strike, Peter Pan. Strike true. Daddy, let's go home. Please? He's just a mean old man without a mommy. Yeah, Dad, let's go. He can't hurt us anymore. Bless you, child. Good form, Jack. After all, what would the world be like... ...without Captain Hook? I want you to take your ship and go. I never want to see your face in Never Land again. - Peter, look out! - Fools, James Hook is Never Land! Whenever children read, it will say: "Thus perished Peter Pan." What's happening? I want my Mommy! Hook's gone. Hook's gone! Hook's gone! Bangerang! No more Hook! No more Hook! No more Hook! Hurray for Pan the Man! What's wrong, Peter? I can't stay. I've done what I came to do, and now I have to go back. Tink, make my kids glow. Jack, Maggie, all you have to do is think one happy thought... ...and you'll fly like me. Mommy! My dad... ...Peter Pan. Tink, you know the way. I'll be just behind you. Don't leave us, Peter, and don't say goodbye. What's "goodbye"? It's going away. That's what it is. Forgetting about us all over again. You're all my Lost Boys. I'll never forget you. Never. So who do I leave in charge? I want you to take care of everyone who's smaller than you. Then who do I look after? Never Bugs. Little ones. That was a great game. Thank you for believing. I know her. She looks like an angel. Let's not wake her yet. My dear child, have you been up all night? I see them in their beds so often in my dreams. When I wake up, they're still there. Tink? Tink? Tink? Hello. Having trouble with the misses? You will have, by the time you get home. Tink! Say it, Peter. Say it and mean it. I believe in faeries. Do you know that place between sleep and awake... ...where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you... ...Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting. Nana! Oh, give us a kiss! Come here, you drool machine! Tink? Brad! Hi! Have you been holding this long? I'm incredible! Yeah. Never Land! Lost Boys. Jim Hook. Duel to the death. I'll fill you in later. Listen, I'd love to chat... ...but I gotta climb a drainpipe now. Why? Because I ran out of faerie dust. If not, I would've flown up. Why!! - There were pirates..! - And monsters there! Just like you said! Granny Wendy! Let me in! Please. Excuse me, do you have an appointment? What did I tell you about this window? Always keep it open! Never, ever, ever close... I have to take this. Have you ever known what it's like to feel the exhilaration of really flying? Feel this. Where have you been? Fly me, Daddy, fly me! Anytime, Maggie. To infinity and back again. Hello, Peter. I missed the adventure again, didn't I? I think these belong to you. Look! See, look! I didn't lose my marbles after all! Wendy, look! See? I didn't lose my marbles after all! Hello, boy. Hello, Wendy lady. Give us a skwoodge. Boy, why are you crying? I don't know. A tear for every happy thought. One for me? - One for me? - One for me? And one for me! Seize the day! So your adventures are over. Oh, no. To live... To live would be an awfully big adventure. GELULA & CO., INC.