Das Mouse

[WHEEL SQUEAKING] THE TRANSFER OF POWER, PINKY-- FROM YOUR FEET TO AIR PRESSURE, FROM THE INEPT LEADERS OF THE WORLD TO ME! UGH! HA! GOOD ONE, BRAIN! THEY'RE ALL GOOD ONES, PINKY. IN TONIGHT'S PLAN, PINKY, WE WILL RECEIVE THE AID OF LEGIONS OF UNASSUMING HUMANS. OH, GOODY! COMPANY! BUT WHY WOULD THEY HELP US? BECAUSE THEY WILL BE HYPNOTIZED BY THE SECRETIONS OF A RARE PERUVIAN DOW-KIET. BEHOLD! [CROAKS] WHAT, A FROG? YES. ITS SKIN GIVES OFF A POWERFUL HYPNOTIC FLUID FULL OF ACTIVE PEPTIDES. NARF! WHAT IS "NARF"? DO YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT THAT IS? WELL, LET'S SEE. IT'S LIKE, "ZORT!" OR, UM, "POIT!" HMM. AFTER WE COLLECT THE FROG'S FLUID, WE MUST DEVISE A PLAN TO DRAW THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE HERE TO INGEST IT AND BECOME HYPNOTIZED. YOU MEAN LIKE A GIGANTIC PANCAKE JAMBOREE? PLEASE, PINKY, I-- YES! WE SHALL MIX THE HYPNOTIC FLUID INTO A FLOURY BATTER AND HAVE A GIGANTIC PANCAKE JAMBOREE! HERE, PINKY. TRY THESE PANCAKES. BUT, BRAIN, WON'T I GET HYPNOTIZED? THAT'S UNLIKELY. BESIDES, TO BE FULLY POWERFUL, WE NEED ONE MORE INGREDIENT-- THE MEAT OF THE RARE DEEP-WATER WHITE CRAB. NOW EAT! I'M TRYING TO DISGUISE THE BITTER TASTE OF THE HYPNOTIC SAPO. OH, IT'S REALLY YUMMY. POIT! BLAH! ACK! NARF! HMMPERHAPS LESS CASTOR OIL. MASSIVE NUMBERS OF WHITE CRABS, PINKY, HAVE GATHERED IN ONE PLACE-- THE HULL OF THE TITANIC. IN THE HULL OF THE TITANIC? YES. PINKY, ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING? I THINK SO, BRAIN, BUT THERE'S STILL A BUG STUCK IN HERE FROM LAST TIME. NO, PINKY. WE MUST TRAVEL TO THE DEPTHS OF THE OCEAN AND RAISE THE HULL OF THAT SORROWFUL SHIP. BEHOLD, PINKY, THE WOODS-HOLE OCEANOGRAPHIC INSTITUTE-- A WORLD LEADER IN UNDERWATER STUDIES, AND TONIGHT, THE UNKNOWING SUPPLIER OF OUR SUBMARINE. BEHOLD THE ALVIN, PINKY-- OUR TICKET TO THE OCEAN DEPTHS. LOOK, BRAIN-- A BABY SUB ON THE FRONT! THE JASON JUNIOR, PINKY-- AN ADDITIONAL SUB CARRIED BY THE ALVIN FOR REMOTE EXPLORING. SORRY, BRAIN. FROM NOW ON, PINKY, CALL ME CAPTAIN BRAIN. HA HA HA! AYE, AYE, BRAIN, O, CAPTAIN BRAIN! OH, OH, CAN I BE QUEEQUEG? BEHAVE, PINKY, OR YOU SHALL BE JETTISONED. TAKE US AHEAD AT 12 KNOTS, BEARING 229. BOW PLANES AT 15 DEGREES. ON MY MARK UM, BRAIN? CAPTAIN BRAIN. WHAT IS IT? DRAT! THE SUB-CLUB! LOOK! WE CAN STILL MAKE RIGHT TURNS. SO BE IT. AHEAD 12 KNOTS, MR. PINKY. BEARING RIGHT, ON MY MARK. W-H-O-I. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? W-HOI. HMM. A YUMMY POLYNESIAN DESSERT? YOUR ASSOCIATIVE POWERS BELIE YOUR SMALL CRANIUM, MY FRIEND. THIS STANDS FOR "WOODS-HOLE OCEANOGRAPHIC INSTITUTE. " IT IS THE RADAR SIGNAL BEACON THAT IDENTIFIES THIS SHIP AT SEA. I WANT YOU TO RANDOMLY CHANGE THE SIGNAL SO THAT WE ARE NOT FOLLOWED. RANDOMLY? GEE, I DON'T KNOW, BRAIN. TRUST ME, PINKY. YOU EXCEL AT RANDOM. NOW TO YOUR TASK, YEOMAN. AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN! THANKS FOR HURRYING OVER, JONESY. HOW ARE THE KIDS? ACTUALLY, SIR, ANGELA BROKE BOTH LEGS, AND JEFFREY THINKS HE'S A KOALA. FINE, FINE. JONESY, AT 1900, SATELLITE COMPOSITE IMAGING FOUND AN UNIDENTIFIED SUB OFF THE COAST OF NEWFOUNDLAND. THEY SAY IT MIGHT BE SOME TRIGGER-HAPPY ROCKET JOCK WITH A 20-MEG PARTY CRASHER OUT TO MAKE THE FAT LADY SING AT THE BALL GAME. WHICH MEANS? I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT SOUNDS REALLY SPOOKY. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. WE GOT A READING FROM THE MYSTERY SUB'S RADAR SIGNAL BEACON-- ITS IDENTIFYING LETTERS. NARF? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF JACK MAGUIRE? CAPTAIN. NORTH ATLANTIC. COLD WAR NUT. HE WAS DISCHARGED. ALWAYS SAYING THAT WHEN THE ENEMY ARRIVED, IT WOULD BE WITH SOME MYTHICAL NUCLEAR ATTACK READINESS FORMATION. N-A-R-F. NARF! THE OLD MAN IS CONCERNED. THE PRESIDENT? NO. JUST SOME OLD MAN. WE'RE THINKING MAGUIRE MAY HAVE BEEN RIGHT. WE WANT YOU TO FIND HIM. NO ONE CAN HUNT A SUBMARINE LIKE JACK MAGUIRE. THE BOYS WANT THAT THING TERMINATED. THE BOYS? YOU MEAN THE PENTAGON? NO, MY TWO BOYS-- JOSH AND AARON. YOU'LL LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. WE'RE SPARING NO EXPENSE ON THIS ONE. HERE ARE YOUR BUS TICKETS. DARN! IT'S OUT OF FRESCA. THE SEA, PINKY. [INHALES DEEPLY] "ROLL ON, THOU DEEP AND DARK BLUE OCEAN. ROLL!" BYRON. GOOD ONE, BRAIN! OH, OH, I'VE GOT ONE, TOO. UM"HEY, YOU KIDS, STAY OUT OF THAT RIPTIDE!" BAYWATCH. PREPARE TO DIVE, MR. PINKY. NARF! THIS IS OUR POSITION, AND HERE LIES THEHULL OF TITANIC. EGAD, BRAIN! IT'S SO CLOSE, WE'LL BE THERE BEFORE YOU CAN YELL "POIT!" WE'LL REACH MARS BEFORE I YELL "POIT," PINKY, BUT YOUR ASSUMPTION IS VALID. UNFORTUNATELY, BECAUSE WE CAN ONLY MAKE RIGHT TURNS DUE TO THE SUB-CLUB, WE MUST FOLLOW THIS COURSE. THEREFORE, WHAT SHOULD BE A 2-HOUR JOURNEY WILL TAKE US SEVEN MONTHS. OH! WELL, THAT'S A BIT LONGER, ISN'T IT? [P. A. SYSTEM] CRUISE THE HARBOR WITH JOLLY JACK. HARBOR CRUISE TONIGHT. JACK MAGUIRE? WHO WANTS TO KNOW? CIA. GOT A JOB FOR YOU. NO MORE FREE HARBOR CRUISES! IT'S NOT THAT. THERE'S A SUB IN THE WATER. THEY WANT IT TERMINATED. HA HA! SO, THE BOYS FINALLY SAW IT MY WAY. YOU MEAN THE PENTAGON? NO. JOSH AND AARON. THIS IS WHAT YOU USE TO HUNT SUBS? A GOOD SAILOR IS ALWAYS PREPARED FOR FOUL WEATHER. HOLD ON TO YOUR NEWTON, DESK JOCKEY. WE'RE GOING SUB HUNTING! WHOA! AHH. HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN AT SEA, BRAIN? HA HA HA! THIS IS MUCH FUNNIER THAN THE STUD. EGAD, BRAIN, IF WE DON'T DO SOMETHING, I'LL GO OUT OF MY MIND! THAT'S A SHORT TRIP. PLEASE! VERY WELL. I SHALL WORK ON MY PANCAKE RECIPE AND SEE IF WE CAN MAKE IT MORE PLEASING TO THE PALATE. [GASPS] PANCAKES? OH! WELL, ACTUALLY, I AM SORT OF, UMBUSY. COME, PINKY. THIS IS CRUCIAL TO OUR PLAN. IF THE PANCAKES ARE NOT APPETIZING, THE PEOPLE WON'T CONSUME THEM. I'VE GOT ANOTHER READING. GO. BEARING, 227. WHAT THE HECK? THEY'RE RUNNING THE NAUTILUS! THE WHAT? U-BOAT CAPTAIN HEINZ GRINDLEWALD EVADED DESTRUCTION BY RUNNING A CIRCULAR COURSE BASED ON THE GOLDEN MEAN BASED ON THE NAUTILUS SHELL! Maguire: WE'LL CUT THEM OFF. WHOEVER THESE GUYS ARE, THEY'RE DARN GOOD. THEY'RE PROBABLY PLOTTING A MISSILE TRAJECTORY FOR THE OVAL OFFICE AS WE SPEAK. [COUGH COUGH] WELL? ANY BETTER? WHOA! HE'D SAY YES IF HE WERE CONSCIOUS. PINKY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YES. THE PANCAKES ARE STILL TOO BITTER. WHY CAN'T I MAKE THEM MORE APPETIZING? LET ME TRY MAKING THE PANCAKES YUMMY, BRAIN. MY MOTHER FED US VERY WELL. PLEASE, PINKY. YOU'RE PRACTICALLY THE POSTER CHILD FOR CHEEZ WHIZ. PLEASE! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN COOK THE PANCAKES. [BUZZING] JUST STOP THAT BUZZING. WHAT BUZZING? [BUZZING] WHAT? SHUT DOWN THE ENGINES, PINKY! SOMEONE'S DROPPING DEPTH CHARGES! [GRUNTING] DID WE GET THEM? NOT IF THEY'RE ANY GOOD. THIS IS CAPTAIN JACK MAGUIRE. IDENTIFY YOURSELF. I REPEAT, IDENTIFY YOURSELVES OR BE DESTROYED. THIS IS JACQUES COUSTEAU. REALLY? CAN YOU PROVE THAT? HERE, ZE OCEAN IS TEEMING WITH LIFE, BUT EVERYWHERE, ZHERE ARE SIGNS OF MAN'S ENCROACHMENT. DARN! IT IS JACQUES COUSTEAU. THE MISSION IS TO TERMINATE. BUT JACQUES COUSTEAU! HE'S A FRIEND OF THE EARTH! Pinky: NICE COUSTEAU, BRAIN! Brain: QUIET, PINKY. HA! NICE TRY, CAPTAIN BRAIN, IS IT? BUT THAT LITTLE RUSE WILL COST YOU. I MUST ADMIT, I ADMIRE YOUR SKILLS. PERHAPS IN ANOTHER TIME, WE COULD HAVE BEEN FRIENDS. WE ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE, YOU AND I. I DOUBT THAT. I AM A LAB MOUSE INVOLVED IN AN ELABORATE SCHEME TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. HA HA HA! NO NEED TO BE BITTER. YOU PLAYED WELL. AU REVOIR, JACQUES. WE'LL SEE YOU IN DAVY JONES'S LOCKER. DIDN'T HE SING LEAD FOR THE MONKEES? QUIET, PINKY, OR I SHALL HAVE TO-- [EXPLOSION] LAST ONE. EGAD, BRAIN, WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT, WON'T WE? BRAIN? POIT! HO HO! WE DID IT! I GET NO JOY FROM THE DEMISE OF ANOTHER MAN USUALLY! YEAH! OH, BOY! YES, YES, YES! WE GOT HIM! WE GOT HIM! WE GOT HIM! TAKE THE JASON JUNIOR ALL AHEAD FULL, MR. PINKY. AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN BRAIN. HERE'S OUR COURSE-- HEADING 329, DEPTH 100 METERS, BOW PLANES AT 15 DEGREES. ANY QUESTIONS? UM, IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL, WHAT WOULD IT BE? OH, I'D HAVE TO SAY A HAWK, PINKY, SO I COULD SOAR THROUGH THE SKY, CATCH LITTLE WHITE MICE IN MY SHARP TALONS, AND FEED THEM TO MY YOUNG. OOH. THAT'S JUST WEIRD, BRAIN. WE SHOULD BE APPROACHING THE HULL OF THE TITANIC AT ANY-- WHOA! AH! TAKE US UP, MR. PINKY. HIT THE FLOODLIGHTS. [SMACK] OW! TURN ON THE FLOODLIGHTS. OH, RIGHT. SORRY, BRAIN. NARF! YES, PINKY. SOON WE SHALL HAVE THE WHITE CRABS FOR OUR RECIPE, AND THEN WE SHALL HAVE THE WORLD! ABOUT THAT RECIPE, BRAIN. GETTING RID OF THAT BAD TASTE-- NOT NOW, PINKY. BUT, BRAIN-- CUT IT OUT! OH, ALL RIGHT. EGAD, BRAIN! IT'S SO HUGE! HOW WE EVER GOING TO GET IT TO THE SURFACE? THE SAME WAY WE ESCAPED FROM OUR CAGE, PINKY-- AIR PRESSURE. Pinky: I MEAN THAT ICKY STUFF. CUT IT OUT, PINKY! YES! NOW, START RUNNING. I MEAN, IT'S THAT ICKY STUFF THAT TASTES BAD. PLEASE, PINKY, CUT IT OUT. CUT IT OUT! YES, PINKY. IT'S BEGINNING TO RISE! RISE, LITTLE ONE, AND BE FREE! WHOA! YAAH! [CLANG] OUR JOURNEY IS ALMOST AT AN END, MY FRIEND. WE RELEASE THE AIR AND PROPEL THE SHIP! WHOA! YAAH! YES! JUST A FEW MORE, PINKY. WE'VE ALMOST SERVED I BEGRUDGINGLY ADMIT YOUR RECIPE IS A SUCCESS. OH. THANK YOU, BRAIN. NOTHING LIKE A PANCAKE JAMBOREE AFTER YOU'VE BLOWN UP A SUB, HUH? HA HA! PANCAKES MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY. AS THE HYPNOTIC FLUID WINDS ITS WAY THROUGH THE MINDS OF OURFRIENDS, THEY SHALL RETURN TO SERVE, HAPPY AND CONTENT TO HAVE US RULE OVER THEM! WELL, ISN'T THAT NICE? NARF! TELL ME, PINKY, YOUR PANCAKE BATTER-- HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO HIDE THE BITTER TASTE OF THE HYPNOTIC SAPO? WELL, LIKE YOU SAID, I CUT IT OUT. CUT WHAT OUT? THAT HYPNOTIC STUFF TASTED TERRIBLE, BRAIN. SO, LIKE YOU SAID, I CUT IT OUT. OOH, BRAIN, THAT LOOKS PAINFUL. AAH! BRAIN? YOU CAN STOP AUDITIONING, PINKY. NO ONE IS HIRING VILLAGE IDIOTS ANYMORE. WHERE ARE YOU GOING, BRAIN? BACK TO THE CAGE TO PLAN FOR TOMORROW NIGHT. WHY? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TOMORROW NIGHT? THE SAME THING WE DO EVERY NIGHT, PINKY-- TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN