Sunday Night Slice

So, uh, did you have **** how Speedy got his pizza place? - Not really. - I wasn't talking to you. Well, it all started at a baseball game. - Then who are you talking to? - Just watch. [Cheering and applause] Strike one! Oho! You choked! You're the world's worst! I'd watch it if I were you. What? They love it! Hey, Rodriguez! You have a stupid face! Strike two! Break out the aloe vera-- this guy just got burned. [Stammering] Daffy, come on. I bet you're a terrible husband and father. [Ball whizzes and hits glove] Strike 3! [Laughing] Napisy zostaly specjalnie dopasowane do Twojej wersji filmu. Ogladaj legalnie, polecaj i zarabiaj  Vodeon. pl [Fanfare] And he's out! [Cheers] Which hospital are we going to? We're not going to a hospital we're going to Girardi's for pizza. But what if I have a concussion? You know what they say-- starve a cold, feed a head injury. [Stammering] Besides, we go to Girardi's every Sunday. It's tradition. Closed? Ahh. If it isn't my favorite customers, Bugs, Porky, and, uh, this guy. I'm so glad I got to see you before we left. Where you going? Back to Italy. Mrs. Girardi and I, we made out a fortune. It's time to retire. Aw, that's nice. Nice? It's terrible! We love this place. Aww, isn't that sweet. Arrivederci, Porky. See you later, buddy. Mwah. Now what are we going to do? It's no Girardi's. You're too sentimental. Mmm. This stuff's delicious. Here's some more pork ribs. You know, I find that highly offensive. Why? You eat pepperoni pizza. - So? - Pepperoni? Uh, what? Mmm. [Grunts] We need our old hangout back. But Mr. Girardi's selling the restaurant. Then I'll buy it. [Spits] That's brilliant! I've always wanted to own a restaurant. You wouldn't own it. I would. Hmm. You could work there. [Scoffs] I don't do menial labor. No, of course not. I was thinking you would be commander-in-chief of pizza operations. Commander-in-chief of pizza operations. I'll require a uniform with plenty of medals. Bugs, as your friend, I think buying Girardi's is a great idea. Then it's settled. I'm buying Girardi's pizza. But as your financial advisor, I must warn you that 9 out of 10 restaurants fail in the first year. You want to keep coming here on Sunday nights? Here's your pulled pork sandwich. - Mmm. - Buy the restaurant. [Bell jangles] I'm here to apply for the job. Oh, great. Take a seat. No. I mean sit down. Oh, right. Do you have any waiting experience? I wait for the bus every day. Have you ever waited tables? Why would I wait for a table? We're asking the questions here. Why do you want this job? - I like pizza. - That's not good enough. When you're in the weeds, and the pizzas are flying, and you're covered in tomato sauce, and you don't know if it's yours or your buddy's, "I like pizza" will not cut it. "I like pizza" just might get you killed. Any questions? I thought you were asking the questions. Son, I like your moxie. When can you start? I'm dependable, hardworking, and a team player. How would you handle a robbery? - Pardon? - Hypothetically. You're working late, alone. Suddenly, a masked intruder bursts in the door and shouts, "this is a robbery. " What do you do? Let's just say I would handle the problem. Excuse me. I'm about to get a phone call. [Bell dings] Well, your resume seems fine, but I don't see any references. This is a robbery. You're hired. [Sizzling] Where's all the mozzarella? Oh, sorry, Speedy, I used it all. I'm making pizza. Ever heard of delivery? I'm practicing. I bought Girardi's. You bought a restaurant? Why, because it's your dream? Because you want to be able to make something with your own two hands that gives so much pleasure to so many? Or because you want to be surrounded by all this cheese? No, because I want a place to hang out on Sunday nights. Hang out? You want a place to hang out, convert your garage. Don't buy a restaurant. Have you ever owned a restaurant? - Nope. - But you worked in a restaurant. - Never. - Well, surely, you've done a lot of research about being a restaurateur. Uh, not really. Well, don't worry. You'll be ok, as long as you have a capable staff. Which eye patch do you like better, this one? Or this one? Or both of them? Oof! [Crashes] Hope you got a backup plan. We open the doors in 5 minutes. Porky will be cashier, you and I will be out front dealing with the customers, and you two will be back here making pizza. Any questions? How do you make pizza? [Sighs] You just roll the dough Toss the dough Spread the sauce, sprinkle the cheese, and voila. Got all that? Huh? Oh, sorry. I was writing down a dream I had last night. You were in it. You were in it. You were not in it. You were in it, but when you talked, you had a woman's voice. Ooh! Did I sound pretty? What do you think you're doing? Making pizza. Not anymore. I outrank you. Step aside. Ooh! May I take your order? Yeah. We'll have a large pizza, half mushroom, half pepperoni. And on the mushroom half, can we get extra sauce? And on the pepperoni half, can we go light on the cheese? You got it. Do you need to write any of this down? It's all up here. - What's the order? - I think "pizza. " [Dings] Table 4 still hasn't gotten their pizza. What's going on back here? We're out of pizza dough. - What? - Where is my pizza? You asked for cheese, I brought you cheese. - What do we do? - We improvise! Cut those cardboard boxes into the shape of pizzas! I deserve another medal for this. [Both talk at once] What seems to be the problem? I ordered a cheese pizza, and he gave me a cup of cheese and an I. O. U. We're having some problems with the crust. I'll take care of it. [Register dings] Ooh! I like the sound of that. Here's your refund. Oh. Don't like the sound of that. Why didn't you tell me that cardboard was flammable? You're drunk with power. [Gasps] Excuse me. I said, excuse me. I know. The pizza's awful. I'll take care of it. I was just going to ask for a napkin. But the pizza is terrible. Insubordination! [Both scream] [Grunts] I gave you a direct order! You're not fit to lead! [Both grunt] He started it! Are you all done with your pizza? We never got our pizza. Thanks for coming! Tell your friends. Ok. Who's up for Chinese? All: I am! Hunan palace, hunan palace, hunan palace. Party of 3? Right this way. [Groans] Do you want the good news or the bad news? Give me the bad news. The restaurant's a disaster. At this rate, you'll be broke in a week. What's the good news? Hunan palace sent you a gift basket. Ooh! Real Italian pepperoni. [Grunting] What? ? Behold the wizard ? ? beware his powers ? ? unspeakable powers ? ? under the gaze of the necromancer ? ? a silver staircase starts to rise ? ? people stand on it and marvel ? ? at the power shooting from his eyes ? ? cold food becomes ? ? hot again ? ? when his spell unfolds ? ? with a mere wave of his hand ? ? this hot dog will explode ? ? in the presence of the wizard ? ? traffic will stop at his whim ? ? he can cross the street no problem ? ? as the cars bow down in front of him ? ? channels on the tv change ? ? he's still in his chair ? ? then he pulls his magic wand ? ? and reclines in the air ? By the dim light of the dream realm's black sun, the wizard climbs the frozen waterfall of voldrini in search of celestia, the guardian of infinite power When suddenly, a terrible garlon appears and attacks with ice! But the wizard is undeterred. The garlon roars and unleashes a most sinister wind. But the wizard is undeterred. The garlon summons the stones of prophynia, but the wizard is undeterred. Calling upon the powers of the ancients, the wizard conjures a sacred fire and casts his foe into the molten maw of an insatiable gort. Thanks, gort. Ahh, celestia. I think you're going to enjoy this. The wizard stands on the precipice of ultimate power. The gates open to reveal Ooh! How long was I asleep? You have a bed, you know. I'm starving. I got to get something to eat. ? Famished from his latest quest ? ? the wizard seeks a snack ? ? he sets sail for ecstasy ? ? at the quesadilla shack ? ? he is the wizard ? ? the mystical wizard ? What was I thinking? I don't know how to run a restaurant. Girardi's needs a miracle, fast. Hey, Speedy? Que Paso? I have a favor to ask you. Yesterday was a little shaky. We lost a lot of customers, and we lost a lot of morale. But we're going to turn it around today. Yeah! Because we're not in the loser business-- we're in the pizza business. - Oh, yeah! - Pizza! And like pizza dough, we'll rise to the occasion. [All cheer] We're going to work fast. We're going to work smart. And we're going to put each of you in a position where it will be impossible for you to fail. Now, who's with me? We are! Then get in this pantry! What are we supposed to do in here? You're doing it! I think that went pretty well. Welcome to Girardi's. May I take your order? There's so many choices. What would you recommend? You? You look feisty, like a beautiful tiger waiting to pounce. You need a cheese with some bite. Ooh? Asagio. And you, you have a wisdom about you, a wisdom that whispers, "mushrooms. " Enjoy. [Indistinct talking] Turns out the secret to a successful restaurant-- a mouse. Tell that to the health department. [Laughs] Hello? [Bell dings and door shuts] [Lock clicks] Hello? Hello? Hello? [Stammering] Want the good news or the bad news? - The good news. - Girardi's pizza is a hit. Looks like you're going to be busy running a restaurant for years to come. What's the matter? I didn't want to be busy owning a restaurant. I didn't want to be busy doing anything. I just wanted a place to hang out. So what's the bad news? This whole time I've been eating pepperoni, I've been eating me! [Sobs] [Grunting] - Speedy. - Ai! You know, there's such a thing as knocking. Come on. I want to show you something. What are we doing here? Remember when you asked if it was my dream to own a restaurant? - Yes. - Well, it's not. But I had a hunch it might be yours. Pizzarriba! Señor Bunny! I don't know what to say. Just say you'll hold a table for us on Sunday nights. [Hissing] [Hissing] [Wind howls] [Air hisses] [Bell dinging] [Squealing] [Wind howling] [Indistinct talking] Now, this is more like it. Hanging out at Girardi's-- I mean pizzarriba. Carrot for you. And plain cheese for you. [Stammering] It's not easy being a pig. [Chews] Where's Daffy? Speedy put him in charge of deliveries. [Rumbling] What's the address? [Whirring and beeping] - What's the order? - One large pepperoni pizza. Deliver the pizza. [Screams] Roll out! Napisy zostaly specjalnie dopasowane do Twojej wersji filmu.