Beauty School

Hey. What? - Oh. Uh, I thought m-maybe we could hang out. Can't. Got a date with Tina. - Well, maybe I'll see what Bugs is doing. Whatever. - Porky? - Hi, Bugs. What are you doing here? - I thought m-maybe we could hang out. - Oh, I can't. I got a date with Lola. Uh, oh, ok. I'd ask you if you wanted to hang out, B-but you probably have a girlfriend, too. I don't got a girlfriend. Oh! You want to hang out? Not really. Uh, you want to hang out? Sure. Wh-what do you want to do? Oh, I don't know. What do you want to do? Oh, I'm pretty easy. Whatever you want to do. It--it doesn't matter to me. I'm up for anything. Are you hungry? We could get something to eat. Ooh, where do you want to go? I don't know. You want to go to Tutty's? I don't know. I d-don't really like Tutty's. How can you n-not like Tutty's? Let's just go to Pizzarriba. We always go to Pizzarriba. Come on, it'll be fun. Well, ok, when you put it that way I'm glad we're friends. Me, too. I'm just so sick of my job. Mm-hmm. Would you like dessert? Just the check. - It's like they keep telling me, "Tina, as soon as the junior assistant manager position opens up, it's yours. " So then the junior assistant manager position opens up, And what do they do? - I don't know. Maybe I should quit. - Mm-hmm, quit. Makes sense to me. - My sister went to beauty school. Maybe I should do that-- get my cosmetology license. What do you think? Anything you decide, I will be there to support you, Because that's what I do-- support you. I'll get it. - You know what? I think we will have dessert. What can I get you? - Eh, t-two cheese and mushroom pizzas, t-two milkshakes, And t-two orders of calamari. - Ooh, good for you, Pinky! You got a girl coming? No, it's just for me. You need some help, man. Lucky for you, I have just the thing. You teach dance classes? - What, you think I'm just a pizza guy? I teach upstairs, Monday nights. Trust me, women love men who can dance. Hmm. you killed your boss! What? I knew you were upset at work, But I didn't think you'd take it this far. I mean, not that I blame you. Who among us hasn't considered murder As a means of settling a dispute? I mean, heh, I certainly have. Where's the body? I'll help you get rid of it. Daffy, this is a wig head. Today was my first day of beauty school. So no one got murdered? Lame. - Sorry I have to spend date night doing my homework. - Oh, is tonight date night? Don't worry about it. You'll buy me dinner next time. We'll call it even. Aw! Too short. What are you doing? Trying to cut bangs. Dah! It's impossible! Here, let me see. There you go. How did you do that? I don't know. I just did it. - You think you could also do a bob and a french braid? So what do you want to see? Oh, I don't know. Aliens? Isn't that an old movie? It's a movie? - Hello? - Hey, Bugs. Who is it? - Guess what, I signed up for S-Speedy's dance classes. - Wow. - What? - Yeah. He says women love a man who can dance, So I figured wh-what do I have to lose? - That sounds great. - What sounds great? - The only thing is the flyer says you have to bring a partner. - So? - So what? - So I was wondering if you'd be my partner. - Me? - What about you? - Wouldn't you rather ask a woman? - What woman?! I d-don't know any women. That's why I'm taking the dance class. - I don't know. - What don't you know? N-never mind. It was a dumb idea anyway. I guess I just figured since you and Daffy had girlfriends it's ok, though. I'm used to b-being alone. No, wait. I'll do it. Do what? Really? Oh, wow. I can't thank you enough. See you Monday night! - There, I'm off the phone. Now we can talk. - What do you want to talk about? Ooh, you want to talk about aliens? - Couldn't you do this on a wig head? No. Head down. Bobs are very intricate. I need to see how the hair moves. Shake it out for me. Stand up for me. It's impossible to evaluate with you in that shapeless smock. Maybe this will give the illusion of a waistline. Oof, you are one ugly woman, but that haircut's got class. class! Porky's gonna kill me! - Wait! Tina still needs a french braid! I am such a good girlfriend. Dropping by uninvited without calling first--guys love that! Who is that ugly woman leaving Bugs' house? she's getting in bug's car? Is Bugs cheating on me? You're not gonna get away from me. I will follow you until I found out who you are. I won't rest until I get to the bottom of this. Ooh, is that a cupcake store? Sorry I'm late. - Bugs? Wh-why are you dressed like a woman? - Huh? Ah. Daffy was practicing cutting hair. You know, nice bob. You make kind of an ugly woman, though. Why does everybody say that? I think I look beautiful. - Pinky, who's your dance partner? She's such a beautiful woman. Wh-what? Oh, no, it-- - Cathy. Finally, someone with some taste. Mwah. Told you I was beautiful. What are you doing here? - I couldn't wait. How did we do? We got a "c. " - What? Did you tell them it was because I had to do it on a wig head? - No, it's because I didn't turn in the bob. - Bugs. What's tonight's homework? A perm. A perm? What is this, 1984? Mm, her hair's very fine. It's not gonna be easy. I'll definitely need some volumizer. You know what? This isn't your problem. I'll figure something out. Oh, hey, lo-- - Who is she? - Who? - That ugly woman I saw leaving your house and driving your car. First of all, she's not ugly. And second of all, that was me. Say what? It's very simple. Tina's going to beauty school, But Daffy's doing her homework for her, So I was wearing a wig that he was cutting When I remembered that I was late for a dance class That I agreed to take with Porky. How dumb do you think I am? I'm gonna be watching you. You hear me? Watching you. Like a hawk. I'm watching you. Ow! Where'd that come from? watching you! Where did you get that dress? - I thought Cathy deserved something a little nicer than a smock. Ooh, and look how pretty it twirls! All my years of teaching, I have never seen such grace, such beauty on the dance floor. Th-thank you! I was talking to Cathy. Too bad I have a strict rule about dating my students. Heh. Ha ha ha ha! Good thing for that rule. - Okey dokey, everyone. I'll see you next week. - You sure will. I'm gonna practice every day. Yeah, whatever, Pinky. Until Monday, Cathy, I'll be counting the seconds. Uno, dos, tres Cuatro, cinco, seis Siete, ocho, nueve, diez Once, doce, trece SoHow are things? - oh, I don't know. Complicated. Talk to me. - Get this. My dance teacher has a crush on me. What's complicated about that? Well, "a," I'm not interested, And "b," I'm taking the class as a favor to a friend. But now with all the weirdness in the air, I don't want to go back. - Listen, girl. Don't let this teacher get under your skin. You made a commitment to a friend, You gotta follow through on that commitment. You're right. You're so right. You know what else is right? The amount of volumizer I used on your perm. - Where are you going? You don't have your homework! I'm going to work. You're looking at the new junior assistant manager at copy place. Brian got fired for stealing ink. - What about beauty school? What about our dream? - That was never my dream. I wasn't even good at it. - But you only have one more test before you get your cosmetology license! - I don't want my cosmetology license. Ooh, nice perm. Hey, if anyone should be a hairdresser, it's you. Hmmm. Tina Russo, it's time to get your cosmetology license. - You have such a nice girlfriend, Daffy. what's it like to be in love? Well, I'm glad you asked. how do you know when you're in love? well, you came to the right friend love is like an ice cream sundae that you think is never gonna end love makes you feel all tingly lightheaded and pretty just like a 700-foot robot that's invading a city - A robot? - Exactly. but you're not an evil robot you're a robot looking for love but there's not a lot of giant 700-foot robots around to love so you glue a bunch of smaller robots together to make one big super robot then you and your robot go out to brunch and by the end of brunch, you're in love trust me, that's exactly what it's like to be in love - Can I ask a question? - No. then you and your robot lover destroy the entire schenectady turnpike 'cause you're doing a robot love dance and you don't care what it looks like and when the armies of the world come to fight you you get into your spaceship and you tenderly embrace while you fly into space 'cause earth's not ready for giant robot love that's how you know you're in love - find yourself a robot to love - that's how you feel when you're in love I'm not really following you. - All right, let me put it another way. it's just like you're a merman that's 700 feet tall and you're looking for a lady merman to love - Don't you mean "mermaid"? - Don't interrupt. but the ocean is a massive place and there's not a lot of lady mermen so in order to increase your chances you travel to the undersea merman mall M-merman mall? that's where fish and mollusks go to find love - You know, I'm just not really sure what any of this has to-- - and you find a female merman who is working at a kiosk selling cell phone covers and personalized key chains your hand brushes one of her tentacles, and she just melts inside - Tentacles? - Shut up. her manager gets insanely jealous and stabs you with his trident, and you're dead - stabs you with his trident, and you're dead - that's how you know you're in love - Yeah, thanks for clearing that up for me. That's what I do. Good bounce. Nice elasticity. Ooh, and somebody used some volumizer. Good job, Tina. That's an a-plus perm. yes! I mean yes. - All right, everyone, now for your final exam. You've been assigned a volunteer client. Good luck. Your cosmetology license is on the line. Oof. - I should warn you, my hair is very brittle. Another new dress? - It's the last class. I want to look nice. - Can I get everyone's attention? I just want to say it's been a pleasure Being your instructor for the past few weeks. You have all come so very far. Of course, some of you have come farther than others. Now, let's dance! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hi, Cathy. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! That's a beautiful dress. - Bugs, you're supposed to let m-me lead. Just shut up and dance. Mm! Good cupcake. Oh, there's Porky! There's that woman! Bugs' mistress is cheating on him with Porky? Poor Bugs. Speedy? What is going on up there? Gorgeous. Tina, you've outdone yourself. thank you. It wasn't easy. Her hair's like straw you wouldn't feed a donkey. But as I always say, extensions, a brazilian blowout, And platinum highlights can hide any flaw. - Well, you've just earned yourself a cosmetology license. Congratulations, Tina. Daffy? Tina? I mean, uh it's my twin sisterGrina. what are you doing here? I'm returning my wig heads. What are you doing here? Wh-what is going on? I'm not Tina Russo. Then who are you? - Who am I? Until recently, I didn't know the answer. But now I do. You see, my whole life I've been forced to live among ugly people, Helpless to do anything about it. But now, thanks to these, I have the power to trim the ugliness away One haircut at a time. So you ask me who I am. I'll tell you. - I'm Daffy Duck, and I'm a hairdresser. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Pinky, you're supposed to be the dipper, not the dippee. You're the man. Cathy's the woman. A woman unlike any I've ever met. - Look, I'm flattered, but I'm also Bugs. SeÃ±or Bunny? - Bugs' mistress is actually just Bugs in a wig Taking a dance class with Porky! Oh, right, he said that. - I signed up to be Porky's dance partner, Not to be the target of your incessant flirting. I mean, I certainly didn't help things by looking so beautiful. - Beautiful? Who said you were beautiful? You did! I was just being nice. You were clearly the most unattractive woman in the class, So I was trying to make you feel better about yourself. It's called overcompensating. Claro que no. Unbelievable, this guy. Why?! No! Eh, sorry, Pork. W-would you like to dance? I'd l-love to. Lola? Hi, Bugs! Oof! I'm ok. The cupcake broke my fall. Mm. It's still good. - Here you go--your new business cards. A licensed cosmetologist. - Well, it's pretty cool for me to be dating The junior assistant manager of copy place. Doesn't quite roll off the tongue Like "licensed cosmetologist," does it? - Ok, can I get you anything else? Nah, we're good. More iced teaFor the lady? I miss her so much. - Hi, guys. This is my friend Nancy. Nice to meet you. - Call me when you're ready to Do something with that.