Duck Duck Party

(In his apartment room, a man named Mr. Phillipson is humming, waiting for someone to arrive. Someone knocks on the door, he opens it, and a shady-looking woman enters.)

DELLA: Hi there. I'm Della.

PHILLIPSON: Yes, oh, yes, come in! (Chuckles)

DELLA: I’ll be right out. (Disappears behind a door)

DELLA: I like to take care of business up front.

(The man starts to take his clothes off)

PHILLIPSON: Oh, ok, how much for, um, half and half?

DELLA: Oh (giggles), somebody's done this before.

PHILLIPSON : No, I- I just read about it on the Internet.

DELLA: Just put $300 on the nightstand.

(Della reappears in a skimpy outfit, revealing that she is a humanoid duck)

DELLA: Let’s party!

(Music stops, record scratches)

PHILLIPSON : Holy f**k! you’re a duck?!

DELLA: That’s right baby. Now why don’t you ruffle my feathers?

PHILLIPSON : Why are you a duck?! Oh my God!

DELLA: (Giggles): I'm what you ordered.

PHILLIPSON : I did NOT order a duck!

DELLA: I-I’m not sure how they misunderstand that request.

PHILLIPSON : Oh gee! I wonder what word an escort service might have mistaken for "duck" on a bad cell-phone connection!

DELLA: Well, fine, but you are still have gonna have to pay me for my time.

PHILLIPSON: Oh, I don’t know why I have to pay to not f**k a cartoon duck! Normally not f**king a f**king duck is f**king free!

DELLA: (sighs, takes out a cell phone, and dials a number, she speaks to the person on the other end of the line) We got a problem.

PHILLIPSON: Who are you cal-

(Della's bodyguard, Desmond, busts down the door to Phillipson's apartment.)

DESMOND: We got some sort of problem?

PHILLIPSON: Look, I-I don't want any trouble. I just think the misunderstanding was on your end.

DESMOND: (approaching Phillipson) Just pay the duck.

PHILLIPSON : No, it’s not fair, I should not have to pay...

(Stedman knocks Phillipson into the apartment wall)

DELLA: Whip his ass Desmond, whip his ass!

(A police officer enters the apartment)

POLICE OFFICER: Mr. Phillipson, what's all the commotion? (notices Della and Desmond, and takes aim with his gun) Whoa, stop! Security!

(Desmond pulls out a gun as well and presses it against Della's head - a song plays in the background similar to that of the Ducktales theme)

DESMOND: You got a gun, I got a gun! Now what?

POLICE OFFICER: L-Let's all just relax.

DESMOND: You relax!

(Desmond shoots the police officer in the arm; the force from the gunshot causes him to pull the trigger of his gun, which shoots Philipson in the head, killing him and splattering blood everywhere. The injured police officer shoots Desmond in the arm, and he shoots the police officer in the head, killing him and causing his head to burst. Della grabs at Desmond's gun)

Desmo d: Hey, get offa my gun, bitch!

(Della and Desmond wrestle each other for the gun, and Della accidently shoots and kills Desmond and gets sprayed with blood in the process. Two cops arrive at the scene and point their guns at Della, who points Desmond's gun at them from the apartment balcony)

DELLA: F**K YOU!

(She shoots at the cops, but the cops shoot back and cause her to fall off the balcony and land headfirst onto a parked car, killing her on impact. Then the sketch cuts to Donald Duck, and his nephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie, in the mansion of Donald's uncle, Scrooge McDuck.)

HUEY: Uncle Donald?

DONALD DUCK: Huh, what?

HUEY: We said, when can we go home?

LOUIE: Gee, Uncle Donald, we really miss our mom.

DEWEY: Yeah, when can we see her again?

DONALD DUCK: Aww, I don’t know boys. I just don’t know...

(Camera zooms out from the mansion's window; sketch ends, the credits begin)