Strike Up the Sand

(Setting: the Agrabah marketplace.)

Omar: (at a clothing stand) Ah, for one so beautiful I have something very special. (holds up a piece of red cloth to show to Jasmine)

Jasmine: No, it's not for me. It’s for him. (gestures to Aladdin, who gasps)

Omar: For him? Hm. Well, perhaps some nice burlap.

Jasmine: No, no, no, he needs something special. Something really dashing.

Omar: Ah, I see. Oh, come here, I have the finest silks in all of Agrabah. (takes Jasmine by the hand and leads her away)

Aladdin: Silk?

(Genie and Abu laugh.)

Iago: Oh, Aladdin, you’ll be the prettiest boy in Agrabah.

Abu: Whoa, whoa, whoa! (walks past Aladdin, swinging his tail)

Aladdin: Cut it out!

Rasoul: (off screen) Stop, thief! Stop!

(A girl kicks over a cart of fish, jumps over it, and keeps running.)

Rasoul: Stop, thief!

(The guards climb over the cart and chase the girl, while slipping on the fish. All of them run between Aladdin and Genie; Genie spins around. The girl jumps up on some clotheslines and does some elaborate flips.)

Rasoul: (stops in his tracks) What?

(The other guards crash into him.)

Aladdin: Hey, she’s pretty good.

Abu: Ooo.

(The girl jumps to another clothesline, then to an awning, and bounces to land on the ground.)

Rasoul: (to Fazal) After her!

Aladdin: Come on! (runs after them)

(Genie and Iago shrug, then follow Aladdin. Genie turns into an insect.)

Jasmine: (returning with a stack of fabric) Oh, Aladdin, you’ll be so handsome in... Aladdin? Aladdin?

(Setting: in an alley.)

(The girl comes to a dead end. Nahbi overturns a melon cart blocking their way, and the guards chase her into the alley. She sees a rope and starts to climb it, but Rasoul grabs her foot.)

Rasoul: Not so fast, you little monkey! (pulls her down)

Aladdin: Hey! What do you think you’re doing?

Rasoul: She is a thief! (pulls out a melon she was hiding in the back of her shirt)

Aladdin: Poor Rasoul. You really don’t recognize her, do you?

Rasoul: I, uh... should I?

Girl: You most certainly should! I’m, uh, uh...

Aladdin: Uh, the Royal Fruit Inspector!

Girl: Right!

Rasoul: If you’re the fruit inspector, then you must have a royal badge like this! (shows them his badge)

Girl: Um, well, I, um...

(Abu and Genie nod to each other. Genie, still in the form of an insect, buzzes around Rasoul’s head while Abu steals Rasoul’s badge. Genie actually goes in one of Rasoul’s ears and out the other. Abu gives the girl the badge.)

Rasoul: So, “Inspector,” the badge?

Girl: (shoves it in his face) Satisfied, big boy?

Rasoul: (stammers) But...

Girl: You were about to blow a very important undercover fruit inspection!

Rasoul: Oh, well, of course; I...

Girl: Now, get out of here before I report you to the sultan!

(Rasoul stammers, clears his throat, then runs away, followed by the other guards. Aladdin laughs.)

Aladdin: That ought to teach those goons a little respect!

Girl: You saved me. No one ever did anything like that for me before.

Aladdin: Uh, well, force of habit. I’ve, uh, had trouble with Rasoul before.

Iago: (to Genie) Hey, check out Romeo over here.

Aladdin: Uh, here’s your melon. (picks it up and hands it to her) Ya know, um, stealing isn’t the answer.

(She walks towards him with a dreamy look on her face. He backs into a wall.)

Aladdin: Er, uh, uh, I’ll just give the fruit vendor a few coins for you. Bye! (runs away)

Girl: (shouting) Um, uh, my name is Sadira!

Aladdin: (shouting) I-I’m Aladdin! (keeps running)

Sadira: Aladdin. What a perfect name! He and I, we’re two of a kind! We belong together, and we’re going to be together, one way or another.

(Setting: back at Omar’s stand.)

Aladdin: Great, Jasmine left without us.

Genie: (changes back to normal) In hot water with the little lady, eh, pal? (changes into a French outfit and speaks with an accent; they all start to walk away from the stand) Let me tell you something about women. Zey are very special creature, no?

Iago: Great, you’re gonna take advice from a guy who hasn’t had a date in ten thousand years.

Genie: (zaps Iago) Ah, women, zey appreciate ze little things, n'est ce pas? Like when you notice their hair or their clothing.

(They walk past Sadira, who is holding her hair up and has moved her shirt down onto one shoulder. They don’t see her.)

Genie: Ze appreciate your willingness to lend a hand.

(They pass Sadira carrying a heavy chest, but ignore her.)

Genie: And, what is most of all, ze appreciate le compassion and le understanding.

(They pass Sadira, who is crying, but she can’t catch their attention.)

Sadira: Oh! (she runs in front of Aladdin) Hi, Aladdin! Wh-what are you doing?

Aladdin: Uh, hi, uh...

Sadira: Sadira.

Aladdin: Uh, Sadira, right. Uh, we’re-we’re looking for someone.

Sadira: Oh, really? I know a lot of people. Can I help?

Aladdin: Uh, well, sure. We’re looking for my girlfriend.

Sadira: Oh. Huh. I see. Glad to help.

(Setting: in another part of the marketplace, a little while later.)

(Aladdin taps a man on the shoulder.)

Aladdin: Uh, I’m looking for a young, beautiful woman.

Man: And what is wrong with that one? (point at Sadira)

Aladdin: Uh, she’s not, um, that is, uh...

Jasmine: Oh, there you are! Look, I found the most beautiful brocade.

(holds up some fabric)

Aladdin: Uh, Jasmine, um, I want you to meet a new friend of mine. This is Sadira.

Jasmine: Hello, Sadira. Nice to meet you.

Sadira: (unenthusiastically) Good afternoon.

(The two shake hands.)

Jasmine: Look, Sadira, isn’t this lovely? I’m having an outfit made for Aladdin.

Sadira: He must be so proud.

(Rasoul approaches them.)

Rasoul: Good afternoon, ladies. Madame Fruit Inspector, I trust everything is up to standards?

Sadira: Oh, everything’s just fine. Carry on.

(Rasoul bows and starts to walk away.)

Jasmine: Fruit Inspector? Agrabah doesn’t have a Fruit Inspector.

(The others try to motion for Jasmine to stop talking. Rasoul turns around.)

Sadira: Of course it does. How would you know, anyway?

Jasmine: Because my father is the sultan.

Sadira: That would make you... *Princess* Jasmine?

(Jasmine and the guards nod.)

Sadira: Uh, heh-heh, fancy that. (backs up into Rasoul)

Rasoul: Fruit Inspector, eh?

(Sadira gulps, then elbows Rasoul in the stomach, kicks him in the knee, and pushes him into the other guards, then runs away.)

Rasoul: Stop that thief! (to Aladdin) And this time you stay out of it, boy! (runs after Sadira)

(Setting: an alley.)

(Sadira runs into the alley and hides in an abandoned building. The guards follow her into the alley, and look around.)

Rasoul: That way! (they run out of the alley)

Sadira: Terrific. It’s not enough that he has a girlfriend; she’s got to be a rich, beautiful princess. How am I supposed to compete with that? Oh, just when you think things are looking up, everything comes crashing down.

(The floor beneath her crumbles, and she falls down through a couple of layers of the old city until she hits a stone floor.)

Sadira: Oohhhh...

(The stone floor crumbles as well, and she falls through and lands in sand. She coughs and digs herself out of the sand.)

Sadira: Uh, oh.

(She looks around; she appears to be in an ancient ruin. Against one wall is a bookcase with scrolls on it.)

Sadira: Wow, where am I?

(A bright light emanates from the bookcase.)

Voice: Mortal, tremble in fear! You have entered the inner sanctum of the all-powerful Witches of the Sand, tamers of the Seven Deserts and rulers of Agrabah.

Sadira: The Witches of the Sand? They disappeared thousands of years ago.

(The light switches off, and a little yellow worm crawls out from where it was coming from, pushing a megaphone on wheels.)

Worm: What? You mean they’re gone?

Sadira: ‘Fraid so.

Worm: Well, that’s just perfect, isn’t it. The sand worm is always the last to know. That’s it, the last straw. I quit. (crawls away, holding a tiny suitcase)

Sadira: Wait! Wait, tell me about the Witches of the Sand.

Worm: Oh, it’s all in the scrolls. Spells, hexes, card tricks, all that junk. Read it yourself; I’m going home to mother. (crawls down a hole)

Sadira: Spells? I could do magic. (picks up an amulet from the bookcase; it starts to glow, and she puts it on) I wouldn’t be just a street rat anymore. (she opens a scroll on a table) From now on, things are gonna go my way, starting with Aladdin.

(Setting: a little while later.)

(Sadira has the scroll spread out on the floor. There is a triangle drawn in the sand on the floor, surrounded by three torches planted in the ground.)

Sadira: Let’s see, it should go something like this. (she holds up the amulet, and red light shines out of it onto the triangle; the sand rises up and creates a sand throne) Wonderful! (claps hands and laughs) Oh! (she zaps it again, and is becomes a model of the palace) Yes! (spins around, then changes it into a statue of Aladdin) This is so cool! But all this isn’t going to get me Aladdin. (zaps the sand in another place and creates a statue of a giant sand beast) By the power of the Seven Deserts, I bid you - live!

(The beast’s eyes glow red, and it comes to life. It roars at Sadira, then seeing the amulet, shies away.)

Sadira: Yes. I have the amulet. You must obey me.

Beast: (with a Cockney accent) Yeah, yeah, right. Fine, I know the rules. So what will it be then, eh, eh? My specialty is smashing stuff.

Sadira: Actually, I had something else in mind. You see, there’s this really cute guy -

Beast: Do I look like a dating service? I smash stuff, I do! (smashes down a pillar) Fit and proper.

(Sadira holds up the amulet.)

Beast: Okay, okay, whatever you want.

Sadira: This guy’s girlfriend is a princess. (creates a sand statue of Jasmine) I can’t compete with that! So I figure...

Beast: (picks up the Jasmine statue) You figure I could (crushes it) eliminate the competition? (laughs)

(Setting: the palace garden.)

(Aladdin is wearing his new outfit, which is white, pink, purple, and gold, has a high collar and a cape, and is very ugly.)

Jasmine: Well, I must say, you look very dashing.

(Iago, Genie, and Abu laugh.)

Iago: He looks about as comfortable as a snail in a saltshaker.

(Aladdin glares at them.)

Jasmine: Don’t pay any attention to them. They wouldn’t know fashion if it came up and grabbed them by the leg.

(The sand beast rises up out of the ground and picks up Jasmine.)

Aladdin: Jasmine!

(The beast turns its hand into a hammer and smashes it next to Aladdin.)

Aladdin: Genie, help!

(Genie appears as a spring under Aladdin and shoots him up over the sand beast. Genie springs after him, changes into a sword, and Aladdin catches him.)

Aladdin: Hey, ugly!

Jasmine: Aladdin!

Aladdin: Let her go, or I’ll run you through!

Beast: (laughs) Oh, Mr. Fancy-Pants is mad, he is! I’ll bet you can’t even turn your head in that outfit.

(Aladdin rips the neck off his outfit, then chops off the beast’s arm that holds Jasmine. Aladdin and Jasmine run away. Carpet, carrying Iago and Abu, circles the beast.)

Beast: Owie! Knock it off! I’m trying to do my job here. (turns his hand into a club and knocks them into a wall, then tunnels under the ground to in front of Aladdin and Jasmine, knocks Aladdin out of the way, picks up Jasmine, and opens his mouth to swallow her.)

Aladdin: Jasmine!

Jasmine: No!

(The beast swallows her, and bars appear in his stomach, showing her trapped inside.)

Jasmine: Aladdin! Do something!

Beast: Oh, quit your whining. (zips up his stomach)

Aladdin: Genie, help!

Genie: (changes into a samurai) Okay, Sandman-san! Let’s rumble!

(The sand beast grabs Genie and crushes him, then tunnels down under the ground.)

Aladdin: (jumping into the tunnel) Come on! (he runs along down the tunnel, followed by the others, and pulls off his cape)

(Setting: Sadira’s place.)

(Sadira is now dressed in a nicer outfit. The sand beast enters.)

Beast: I hope this is the princess you wanted. I didn’t see any others lying around. (unzips stomach) Now, can I go smash something?

Sadira: Not until I decide what to do with her.

Jasmine: Sadira, you control this monster? But how -

Sadira: Did I forget to mention that I’m the master of the ancient secrets of the sand? Silly me. (makes the sand under her rise up so that she is face to face with Jasmine) Well, maybe Aladdin will prefer a sorceress to a princess.

Jasmine: So that’s what this is all about. Sadira, don’t be a fool. You can’t force Aladdin to love you!

Sadira: Oh, shut up! (stomps, and the sand around her ripples) I don’t care what you say. He will love me. He has to. Sand beast, take her away.

Beast: Um, where would you like me to take her?

Sadira: Oh, I don’t know. Don’t you have a Pit of a Thousand Screams or something?

Beast: (sighs) Look. I just smash things. I’m a one-trick pony; I admit it. Now, if you want her squished into a smushy-mushy paste, then I’m your monster! Otherwise, forget it.

Sadira: Oh, I don’t want to hurt her. I just-I just want to get rid of her.

Aladdin: (from outside) Jasmine!

Jasmine: Aladdin, I’m in here!

(Aladdin and the others enter.)

Aladdin: Let her go! Sadira? What...?

Beast: (laughs) Now, I know I can smash these ones, right?

Sadira: No! I mean, I don’t know. I mean -

Beast: You don’t know?! You summon forth an ancient evil, and now you don’t know what to do with him? (takes Sadira’s amulet)

Sadira: But, you can’t do that!

Beast: You’ve got trouble facing reality, don’t you? Now, I’m going to show you how to make decisions. One - I decide to take the amulet. (swallows it) Two - I decide to abandon your stupid capture-the-princess plan. (throws Jasmine out of his stomach) And three - I decide to squash you all like bugs! (turns his hand into a hammer and raises it over his head) I love my job.

(Everyone screams and jumps out of the way of the beast’s fist.)

Iago: Genie, make it go away!

Genie: You got it! Uh, any idea how?

(The beast punches above Genie’s head; Iago flies to Sadira.)

Iago: Sadira, make it go away!

Sadira: I can’t! Not without the amulet!

(The beast just misses Sadira; Iago flies to Abu.)

Iago: Abu, make it go away!

(The beast almost smashes Iago and Abu, then starts hitting a column, sending rock flying. Genie puts on an umbrella hat.)

Aladdin: Genie, keep him busy while I sneak the others out of here.

Genie: (salutes) Yes, sir! Right away, sir! (his hat closes on his face)

Beast: Hey, how am I supposed to smash you if you keep movin’ about like that? (punches a column) Oh, you people are so frustratin’!

(Genie changes into a psychiatrist, and the Beast is on his couch.)

Genie: (German accent) So, you feel frustrated, ja? Tell me of your problems.

Beast: Well, doc, it seems like people only want to be my friend so I won’t smash ‘em to a pulp. I just want to be loved for me. Is that so wrong?

Genie: Ja, I see. You suffer from low self-esteem. (changes into a hairdresser and puts the beast in a chair) And what better way to say “I like me” than with a new hairdo? (gives the beast a big poofy hairdo) Hm, lacks a certain “je ne sais quoi”. (gives him a beehive, then a flat-top, then a sandcastle hairstyle, then ringlets with a big bow) Voilà. (shows him a mirror)

Beast: Say, this could be a good look for me. What do you guys think? Be brutal. Eh? Guys? (looks around and sees everyone else is gone) Oh, that really glazes my doughnuts. (gets rid of the hair and knocks Genie away)

(Setting: in the tunnel.)

(Everyone is running away from the sand beast.)

Beast: Now you went and got me peeved. I’m going to have to smash you the hard way!

Iago: That’s it! Color us doomed!

(The carpet scoops everyone up onto its back, then stops suddenly when they reach a dead end.)

(The beast comes to the dead end, but can’t find them.

Beast: Ay ay ay, now where did you go? Now, look here. You’re not fooling anyone. You’re in here, and I know it. It’s getting late, and I’ve got a lot more devastation to cause, I do.

(Everyone, who the Genie has changed into flies, flies past the beast.)

Aladdin: Nice job, Genie.

(They change back to normal.)

Sadira: Oh, I’m so sorry. If I had the amulet back I could stop it. (starts crying)

Iago: Yeah, yeah, you’re a dimwit, okay? No use crying over spilt amulets. Let’s get outta here!

Aladdin: No, I’ve got a plan.

(Setting: later.)

Beast: Oh, why don’t you just give up? As a favor to me, eh, eh? I’ll be your special friend.

Sadira: (from around a corner) Over here.

Jasmine: Yoo-hoo, Mr. Sand Beast.

Beast: (laughs) That “special friend” bit always does the job. (he goes towards them, and they run away)

Iago: (from farther ahead) Hey, sandy! Lookin’ for someone?

(Abu chatters and waves at the sand beast. It goes to where they were, but they fly off on Carpet.)

Beast: You’re making me testy!

Sadira: Nyah-nyah-n-nyah-nyah!

Jasmine: Yoo-hoo!

(Everyone is on the carpet in the middle of Sadira’s place.)

Beast: Oh, lovely. Fine. That does it. Stay right there! It’s smashing time! (runs inside)

Iago: Hold that pose, chump.

(The beast jumps to where they were, and lands on Genie on the ground, shaped like a giant “X”.)

Beast: Oh my. This is trouble. Am I right?

(Genie turns into a flour sifter and sifts the sand beast through himself.)

Genie: Like sand through a flour sifter, so are the days of our lives.

Jasmine: We got him! (hugs Aladdin)

(The beast rises up again out of the sand.)

Beast: You just don’t get it, do you? I am made out of sand. Nothing can harm me. It’s not a difficult concept, really. You are powerless before me! You don’t smash me, but I smash you!

(Genie gives Sadira the amulet he sifted out of the sand beast.)

Genie: (as a private eye) Oh, yeah? Come on, toots! Show him what’s for!

(Sadira raises a rock to smash the amulet.)

Beast: B-b-b-but, now, now, don’t-don’t go doing anything hasty. I-I know I was a little harsh there. But, I know what, from now on I do whatever you say. Think of the power. You could be queen of Agrabah, ruler of the Seven Deserts. Not a bad job. Anything could be yours, anything, just tell me what you want!

Sadira: (looks at Aladdin) I want Aladdin to like me. (smashes the amulet)

Beast: No! (explodes, burying everyone with sand)

Iago: Good going kid. I’ll be coughing up sand for a month.

Aladdin: Sadira, you... saved us.

Sadira: I’m sorry I made such a mess of things. It’s just that I’ve never liked anyone the way I like you before.

Aladdin: Look, I like you too, Sadira. But... I *love* Jasmine.

(Iago and Abu gag.)

Sadira: Oh. I get it.

Jasmine: Sadira, would you like to come to the palace with us?

Sadira: No, I’d rather be alone.

Aladdin: We’ll see you a little later, then?

(Sadira nods, and everyone else leaves.)

Sadira: Looks like I can’t create any more sand beasts. (picks up another scroll) Hmm. “How to Master the Shifting Sands of Time.” Interesting. That’ll make Aladdin like me for sure!