Cultivated Relationships

[The scene opens with the logo Previously on Robot Chicken surrounded by flowers, sunshine and rainbows.]

Nerd (voiceover): Previously on Robot Chicken...

[Continued from In Memoriam. Seth and Matt kill Mike Lazzo, looking down at the camera.]

Matthew Senreich: Well, that was fun. But with Robot Chicken cancelled, we'll need a way to make money!

Seth Green: Ah, if only I cultivated relationships with some of Hollywood's most dynamic and powerful players! Wait a minute. That's exactly what I did! Quick, my less famous companion! Grab on my coattails and let's be away! [Seth runs off.]

Matt: (sigh) Retard.

[Cut to Seth Green and Matthew Senreich in a Buffy the Vampire Slayer-esque room with Joss Whedon.]

Matt: Wow! Wesley University's own Joss Whedon: Creator of Buffy, Angel, Firefly and Dollhouse! Thanks for meeting with us!

Seth: We kind of have a favor to ask.

Joss Whedon: Oh, GOOD!!! I've been looking for a way to repay you for bailing on Buffy after two seasons. Anything. Seth, really.

Matt: Actually, it's more like us doing you a favor. How would you like, the creators of Robot Chicken, writing on one of your shows?

Joss Whedon: You think you're worthy of writing in the "Whedonverse?"

Seth: Oh, wow. You actually say "Whedonverse" in real life.

Joss Whedon: [slams table] That's right! And as one of my creations, I do believe I've let you live long enough.

[Joss Whedon pulls out a gun and starts shooting at Seth and Matt as they run out of the room.]

Joss Whedon: Die, werewolves!

[Cut to Seth Green and Matthew Senreich conversing with Battlestar Galactica's Ronald D. Moore.]

Matt: Wow! Ron Moore, creator of Battlestar Galactica.

Seth: How about letting us come aboard and help you with your whip smart plots?

Ronald D. Moore: Help? Why would I need help writing plots? I just throw a dart at the cast list and- Boom! They're a Cylon. Rinse, repeat, cash the fucking check. Watch. [throwing darts] Sha-boom. Sha-bong. Sha-bing. Cylon. "Oh, please help me. This is so hard!"

Seth: Well, maybe I could act on the show. I could be a Cylon.

Ron:  That's right... You could be...

[Ron pulls out a shotgun and starts shooting at Seth and Matt as they run out the door.]

Ron: You won't get me, you fucking skin jobs!

[Cut to entrance of FOX building. Seth MacFarlane exits the front door.]

Matt: He-hey! It's Seth MacFarlane: Creator of American Dad!

Seth MacFarlane: Hey, guys, guys. Creator of Family Guy, please.

Seth Green :  Look, Seth, we're in trouble. We need to make some money.

Seth MacFarlane:: But you already have a job voicing Chris on my insanely popular show.

Seth Green: You expect me to live off of hundreds of thousands of dollars a year? Come on. I depended on Robot Chicken.

Seth MacFarlane: ''Robot Chicken? ''I haven't heard that name since it got renewed.

[Cut to Keith Crofford at his desk.]

Keith Crofford: [stamps contract] Robot Chicken's renewed.

[Cut back to the three men outside FOX studios.]

Matthew Senreich: Heh. How'd you do that?

Seth MacFarlane: How did I do that? No one's asked me that question since C-3PO bought me a leather jacket with Pepsi points.

[Cut to C-3PO next to a Pepsi vending machine. He just finished another Pepsi and belches and hits the vending machine for another. Cut back to the three guys with Seth MacFarlane wearing a Pepsi leather jacket.]

Seth Green: Wow, you can do anything you want! Quick, off-handedly mention that time we all ended world hunger!

Seth MacFarlane: What?! I haven't heard an idea that bad since Hanna-Barbera launched Scooby Jew.

[Cut to Shaggy giving a Scooby Snack to Scooby Jew.]

Shaggy: Like, would you do it for a Scooby Snack?

Scooby Jew: One Scooby Snack for all the work I do?! I go into a dungeon and expect two. Maybe three Scooby Snacks.

[Cut back to outside FOX studio. Joss Whedon pops out from behind a bush with his gun.]

Joss Whedon: Ha, Ha! Die, werewolf!

[Ronald D. Moore pops out from a bush on the other side with his shotgun.]

Ronald D. Moore: Die, cylon!

[All three men duck and Joss Whedon and Ronald D. Moore shoot each other, killing them.]

Seth MacFarlane: And checkerboard wipe to...

[Checkerboard wipe to intro.]