The Light of Darkness

Obediah: There it is, sir: The Neurotropolis Hotel. The site of the Annual Famous Superhero Convention! Just think: All the biggies will be there. Super Iron Man! Bat Guy! The Fantastic Freaks! Wowee Woman. Ultra Guy Man Dude! The Caped Cod, and Halitosis Man! Not to mention the Super Freuds!

Pith Possum: Ah, they're not so hot.

Obediah: Oh, I mean they're nothing next to you, sir. It'll be fun. You like the Superhero Convention, sir.

Pith Possum: I do?

Obediah: Sure! Besides, we're the only ones to represent Possum City. We have to go.

Pith Possum: Look at all the super vehicles parked here. Here you are, sonny. Careful!

Registration Squirrel: Name.

Pith Possum: Name? Why, I'm Pith Possum, Super-Dynamic Possum of Tomorrow! You must be new.

Registration Squirrel: Who?

Pith Possum: Pith Possum, Super-Dynamic Possum of Tomorrow!

Registration Squirrel: Hmm, no. No, I don't think so. I don't see you here.

Pith Possum: What?! Give me that! Let's see. I've got to be here!

Registration Squirrel: I'll call security, ya party crasher!

Pith Possum: Now, look! I'm a famous superhero! You must know that!

Registration Squirrel: Oh, hello, Ultra Guy Man Dude! So good to see you. Here's your pass. My, you look heroic today!

Ultra Guy Man Dude: Thanks. I am aware. Uh, excuse me, shorty.

Pith Possum: Shorty?! Now, look. I have to be on that list. I'm a very famous superhero!

Registration Squirrel: Yeah? Well, I've never heard of you. Now, look. I'm very busy. So, if you'll just go over to-

Obediah: Look, boss! Our nametags!

Pith Possum: Treat me like a second class hero, will you? Come on, Obediah.

Obediah: Ooh, look, sir. The Caped Cod is doing a crook-stopping demonstration right now. Hey, there he is!

Caped Cod: Now, I'd like to demonstrate the proper technique for stopping a crook armed with a frozen rabbit. I'll need a volunteer. You there, the little rat. How about you?

Pith Possum: Me? I'm a possum! A rat.

Obediah: Go ahead, sir. It'll be fun.

Pith Possum: What does this guy know about stopping a crook anyway? (chuckles)

Caped Cod: Now, come at me with that frozen rabbit as if you really mean it, boy.

Pith Possum: Watch this, Obie. He won't know what hit him. (screaming)

Caped Cod: Now, as you can see, the culprit's head is isolated inside this cylinder. There's a hatch at the top which I open at this time. Now, you simply fill the cylinder with these very angry and foul-tempered Africanized killer bees.

Pith Possum: (screaming)

Caped Cod: As you can see, you'll have nothing to worry about from this particular villain for quite some time.

Pith Possum: (screaming)

All: (laughing) 

Pith Possum: Wow, that hurts.

Obediah: Here's some ice, sir. It'll help keep the swelling down. Let's go see what else they've got going.

Pith Possum: Okay, but no more volunteering.

Obediah: Hey, isn't that Power Weasel in front of you, sir?

Pith Possum: Hmm?

Power Weasel: Hey, come on, buddy! That's my dessert, huh? Swing it, yeah!

Pith Possum: Oh, no, it isn't!

Power Weasel: Ooh! Hey! Ooh!

Obediah: Hey, careful, sir! Watch out! He may use his sunlamp vision on you.

Pith Possum: (screams) I've been weaseled! Oh! Sorry, Shillelagh Man.

Obediah: Careful, sir. He may use his cast-iron shillelagh on you.

Halitosis Man: Hey, you lout! I'll teach you to get food all over Wowee Woman!

Obediah: Oh, careful of his super onion breath, sir.

Pith Possum: Oh, pee-yew!

Bat Guy: Hey! Watch it, you puddin'-head!

Ultra Guy Man Dude: Hey! You soiled! my cape! Do you have any idea how much it costs to get a super cape made of a mysterious material from another planet cleaned?

Pith Possum: Oh, well, Ultra Guy Man Dude, I-I-I-

Obediah: Sir, sir! Are you okay?

Pith Possum: I'm a little bit sore.

Obediah: Sir, where are you?

Pith Possum: I'm right here. Let me just open this door. It seems to be jammed!

Dr. Paul Bunion: (cackles) Allo, super goon types!

Wowee Woman: It's Dr. Paul Bunion!

Dr. Paul Bunion: That's right, Wowee Woman, and I have all the superheroes in the vicinity cornered!

All: Oh, yeah?

Dr. Paul Bunion: Yeah! Because, I have this... thing!

Halitosis Man: Oh, no! Bunion has got that, that... thing!

All: (screaming) 

Dr. Paul Bunion: Prepare to meet your doom, super-losers!

Obediah: (grunts) It's hoplessely stuck, sir!

Pith Possum: Nonsense! There's got to be a way out! You know, the wallpaper in here stinks.

Dr. Paul Bunion: I'm gonna let you all have it in two seconds! Say your prayers!

Ultra Guy Man Dude: Now, take it easy, Bunion. There's no need to use that thing... of yours.

Halitosis Man:  Yeah. Don't be rash. Put that thing down!

Dr. Paul Bunion: Not a chance, Halitosis Man! You're all finished!

Obediah: Sir, do you have the stall door opener on your utility belt?

Pith Possum: Utility belt? What utility belt? Wait, I have an idea! Maybe I could-Whoops!

Obediah: Sir, are you all right?

Pith Possum: (gurgling) 

Dr. Paul Bunion: Alright, you steroid-eating supersaps! Here goes!

Ultra Guy Man Dude: He's really gonna use that, that... thing.

Wowee Woman: I knew I'd go someday, but I never thought it would be by a... thing.

Dr. Paul Bunion: Oh, no! My... thing is wet!

Ultra Guy Man Dude: That was some quick thinking, Mr. Rat.

Pith Possum: I'm not a rat, I'm a possum! Pith Possum! I'm a possum!

Wowee Woman: I can't believe how heroic that was, Super Rat! I don't know how to thank you!

Pith Possum: Actually, I'm a possum, and I've got a couple of ideas for you.

Halitosis Man: Thank you, Super Rat. You and your squirrel sidekick should have a statue or something.

Obediah: Squirrel?

Power Weasel: Yeah, huh? You saved us all! Wonderful, ooh! Hey, come on, everybody! Three cheers for Super Rat! Hip-hip-

All: Hooray!

Power Weasel: Hip-hip-

All: Hooray!

Power Weasel: Hip-hip-

All: Hooray!

Power Weasel: Yeah!

Pith Possum: That's Pith Possum! I mean, is it just me?! I'm a possum, possum, POSSUM!