Ratchet & Clank (2016)

Scene 1
On-screen: Above Planet Tenemule

On-screen: Cue Bad Guy Speech in...3, 2, 1

Drek: Esteemed citizens of Quartu, I stand before you a proud Blarg. For tonight, we will twist the very fabric of reality. We will defy nature with reckless abandon. We have also broken 16 galactic statues and one star ordinance! So I shouldn't see anything about this online!

Zed: Beautifully worded, sir.

Drek: Hmm.

Drek: In just a few moments, we will unleash a weapon so powerful that it will take-...Stanley, are you seriously still texting after what I just said?!

Drek: (chuckles) Victor? If you please.

Victor Von Ion: (chuckles)

Stanley: Uh...

Stanley: Mommy!

Automated voice: Dialing Mother.

Stanley's mother: Hello, Horkelberg residence! Hello? Who is this? Herman, it's that man again! I hear navy breathing and...ew! And chewing. That's it. I'm calling the police.

Drek: Does anyone else feel like texting? Hmm? Show of hands? Anyone?

Drek: Very well. Commence deplanetization!

Jeff (screaming): Ready the Deplanetizer!

Drek: Seriously?

Blarg: Oooh!

Scene 2
On-screen: Kyzil Plateau - Planet Veldin

On-screen: Nearby...

Robot: 496, 497, 498, 499, 500! Come on. Is that all you got? I need you to give me 2,000,000 and 10%! 1 and 2 and 3 and 4. Remember, if you can feel the burn, that's good. If you smell the burn, that's bad! 3, 2, 1.

Ratchet: (grunting)

Robot: Okay, let's dig deep. Don't quit on me now. Can you feel it?! Huh? Huh? Can you feel the burn?

Ratchet: Are you kidding? I'm on fire! I can take anything you can dish out, so bring it on!

Robot: Okay. 2,000 more!

Ratchet: 2,000?!

Robot: 1 and 2, 3 and 4. No pain, no gain.

Ratchet: (groans)

Robot: And we'll be right back after these messages! Okay, bots! Let's do this! And lunge! And lunge! And lunge!

Announcer: Ranger Workout will be right back!

Robot: Burn!

Dallas Wanamaker: Planet Tenemule is no more.

Ratchet: What?

Dallas Wanamaker: Hello. Dallas Wanamaker here. Tonight at 5, another uninhabited planet is destroyed without warning or cause, making the 4th in recent memory of our once-peaceful galaxy. As a result, the President has requested our ever-vigilant Galactic Rangers increase their numbers from 4 to 5! Really? Just 5? All right.

Dallas Wanamaker: And now, a message from the man himself, Captain Qwark!

Qwark: Space, wondrous realm full of adventure, and peril, and, uh, big-ness.

Ratchet: Captain Qwark?!

Qwark: The Solana Galaxy is our home and as many as you know, it's in a state of crisis! The Galactic Rangers are looking for a new recruit to help with the investigation.

Qwark: So, if you're a small-time nobody in search of adventure, come on down to the spaceport and see me, Captain Qwark!

Qwark and Fongoid child: Cue montage!

Qwark: Our next stop, planet Veldin's Kyzil Plateau!

Ratchet: Kyzil Plateau?

Qwark: That's right! The Kyzil Plateau!

Ratchet: Ranger tryouts. This is huge!

Ratchet: (grunts) Galactic Ranger! Grab some sky. Galactic Ranger, punk. Put 'em-...Whoa! Ranger down!

Qwark doll: Mission accomplished.

Mr. Micron: Hello? I'm here to pick up my ship!

Ratchet: I'll be there in 1 minute!

Ratchet: (screams) Give or take.

Mr. Micron: He-Hello? Hello? Hello? Hmm?

Ratchet: Are you ready to have your mind blown?

Mr. Micron: Eh. No.

Ratchet: Whoo-ho-ho! Yeah! I'll take that as a yes.

Ratchet: Boom!

Mr. Micron: (gasps)

Ratchet: Protolux afterburns, a full Gadgetron weapon package, and a high-intensity mag-booster so powerful, it can pick up a paperclip from 2 kilocubits away.

Mr. Micron: I think there's been a mistake. I came in to get my ejector seat repaired.

Ratchet: Why repair something when you can improve it? Come on! Have a seat.

Mr. Micron: (screams)

Ratchet: Now, let's fire up that mag-booster!

Mr. Micron: Oh.

Ratchet: Pretty sweet, right?

Mr. Micron: I guess. But, why do I need it?

Ratchet: Well, you could...I mean, you know, if you ever, uh.. You know, I don't know.

Mr. Micron: (screams)

Ratchet: Whoa! No worries, I can buff that out. Maybe we could just...

Mr. Micron: (whimpers)

Ratchet: ..Power this sucker down.

Ratchet: Oh boy.

Mr. Micron: (screams)

Ratchet: Look out! Hello! Watch it! Hey, I've been looking for that.

Qwark doll: Greetings, cadet!

Mr. Micron: Wh-what was that sound?

Ratchet: Nothing. Unrelated question, is your seat-belt on?

Mr. Micron: Uh...

Ratchet & Mr. Micron: (screams)

Ratchet: Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes! Those aren't the brakes!

Mr. Micron: I'm too old to die!

Ratchet: You've got to be kidding me. How did you get a license?

Ratchet: Whoa! Can you hit the kill switch, please?

Mr. Micron: The fish switch?

Ratchet: The kill switch!

Mr. Micron: Eh...

Ratchet: On the dash!

Mr. Micron: Eh.. the drill hatch on the dish!

Mr. Micron: (yells) Whoa!

Ratchet: Hang on, I can fix this. (yells)

Mr. Micron: Your tail's in my face!

Ratchet: Hey, the view's no prettier down here, pal!

Mr. Micron: Whoa!

Ratchet: (screams)

Mr. Micron (screaming): There's a wall!

Ratchet: Oh boy.

Ratchet: Yes!

Mr. Micron: (screams)

Ratchet: Whoa!

Mr. Micron: (screams)

Ratchet: Phew! That was a close one, huh?

Mr. Micron (screaming): I want a refund!

Ratchet: Yeah, that is gonna show up on my midyear review.