A Sultan Worth His Salt

(Setting: the palace, at night. Aladdin and Sultan are playing with a clockwork shooting gallery; cutouts of monsters move back and forth in front of a picture of Agrabah, while they shoot marbles at them with tiny catapults. Aladdin manages to knock one down.)

Sultan: Well done, my boy! Keep your eye on the targets, Aladdin.

Aladdin: (rolling his eyes) Yes, your highness. (shoots another marble and hits a target)

Sultan: Excellent, my boy!

(Aladdin hits several more targets.)

Sultan: Bravo! I say! You did it again!

(Iago is watching from a distance, shaking his head. He then swoops down and lands on Aladdin's head while he's aiming, causing him to miss the target, almost hitting Abu.)

Aladdin: Iago!

Iago: (whispering) Dating tip: Always let the girl's father win. Especially when he's the ruler of the land!

Sultan: Nasty luck on that last shot. Well, my turn!

Genie: Bad aim, Al. Maybe you need glasses. (turns into a doctor with an eye chart) Can you read this chart?

Iago: (to Genie) Make sure the sultan gets all bullseyes.

Genie: Gotcha! A perfect score for the kindly, kingly fellow.

(Genie shrinks himself down and goes inside the shooting gallery.)

Sultan: The secret is a keen eye.

Iago: Ya see, Aladdin? There's a lot you can learn from the sultan.

Aladdin: Yeah, yeah...

(Inside the shooting gallery, Genie is barely avoiding getting caught in the machinery.)

Genie: Whoa! Ho! Whoops! Hey! Comin' through! Ooh! Looks more complicated from in here. Much more.

(Genie is now behind one of the targets; Sultan hits it with a marble, and Genie gets stuck on the conveyor belt the targets are on.)

Sultan: (laughs) Oh, this is fun, indeed! I'm winning!

Aladdin: I wonder if Jasmine's ready yet.

(Genie is still struggling to free himself.)

Genie: Uh oh, I'm on!

(Genie changes himself into a target just as the clockwork moves him up towards the front of the shooting gallery. He gets hit with a marble, breaking his teeth.)

(Setting: outside Jasmine's room. Four winged horses carrying women in ancient Greek clothing land on Jasmine's balcony.)

(Jasmine is brushing her hair in front of her vanity. Rajah is next to her, making sad noises.)

Jasmine: Cheer up, Rajah. We're just going for a little ride on Carpet.

(Rajah walks over toward the curtain and lies down. The women enter Jasmine's room. One ties a rope around Rajah's muzzle and pulls him back before he realizes what's happening. Another runs behind Jasmine, who sees the reflection of something moving in her mirror.)

Jasmine: Rajah?

(One of the women shoots two golden arrows at Jasmine; they both miss, lodging themselves in Jasmine's vanity.)

Jasmine: No!

(A third arrow is fired. In mid-air it magically changes from an arrow into a rope, which ties Jasmine up.)

Woman: Princess Jasmine. Our search is over.

(Three guards run into the room.)

Rasoul: Princess Jasmine!

Hakim: What is going on?

(Rasoul gasps when he sees the three other women aiming their bows at them. They each fire an arrow which turns into rope, tying up the the guards. The women then leave, taking Jasmine with them. Rajah finally manages to break the rope tying his legs and mouth and runs after the women, but he's too late; they've already left on their flying horses.)

(Setting: Jasmine's room, a few minutes later. Rajah drags Sultan into the room by his sleeve; the others have followed him.)

Sultan: What is it, Rajah? Jasmine?

(The guards, still tied up, hop over to him.)

Rasoul: Your highness! Their horses had wings! They were fierce, giant warriors!

Hakim: They were women. We were beaten by women.

Aladdin: Where's Jasmine?!

Rasoul: The princess has been kidnapped.

Sultan: What?!

Iago: (landing on one of the golden arrows) Ooh, golden arrow! 24-karat, no less! Uh oh, this isn't treasure, it's trouble.

Aladdin: What does it mean?

Iago: Ever hear of the Galafems?

Aladdin: No.

Iago: Well, you will. You're dating one!

Aladdin: What're you talking about?

Iago: They're warrior women. Who disembowel first and ask questions later!

Sultan: But... what do they want with Jasmine?

Iago: That golden arrow means Jasmine made the team. They want her to become a Galafem!

Aladdin: Come on! We're going after 'em.

Iago: See ya! I better stay here with the sultan. Somebody has to help him protect the guards.

(Rasoul scowls at Iago.)

Sultan: But I'm going with Aladdin!

Everyone else: What?!

Aladdin: But Sultan, these Galafems defeated all your guards and Rajah! They're dangerous!

Sultan: And they have my daughter!

(Setting: a short time later. Aladdin, Genie, Abu, Iago, and Sultan are all sitting on Carpet, on Jasmine's balcony.)

Aladdin: (whispering) Genie, we've got to get to Jasmine fast! But we can't let anything happen to the sultan.

Genie: (as an airline pilot) Will all passengers in ruling class please fasten your seatbelts. (a seatbelt appears on Sultan)

Iago: And what am I?

Genie: Cargo. (they take off)

(Setting: the Galafems' island, the next morning. The island is covered with beautiful ancient Greek architecture and gardens. Jasmine is standing in a group of Galafems, now dressed like one of them. The woman who captured Jasmine is now sitting on a throne.)

Galafem queen: You are in very select company, Princess. My warriors are chosen by the path of the golden arrow. Only the worthy are spared.

Jasmine: And what if I had been unworthy?

(The queen stabs an arrow into the arm of her throne.)

Jasmine: Oh.

(A fat, redheaded galafem runs to Jasmine's side.)

Galafem: Your highness! I would just be tickled to take charge of Jasmine's training!

(The queen waves at her and nods.)

Galafem: Hi-ee! I'm Scara! Now, you'll have a teensy little sleepover in the dungeon, but before you know it it'll be initiation time!

Jasmine: I'll never become one of you!

Queen: Such spirit! It will serve you well as a Galafem warrior.

(Aladdin and the others land on the Galafems' island.)

Genie: Next time be sure to ask for your senior sovereign discount!

Aladdin: It doesn't look that dangerous.

Iago: Beautiful but deadly. Just like the Galafems!

(Sultan starts to wander off by himself, but Genie appears in front of him as a crossing guard holding a stop sign.)

Genie: Whoa! Park it right here, your highness.

Aladdin: You can't go off alone!

Sultan: My daughter is in trouble!

Aladdin: Let me lead! I've gotten myself out of a few more close calls than you ever... (sees Sultan scowling at him) Uh, uh, I mean, living in a palace and all...

(Setting: the Galafems' dungeon. Jasmine is sitting on the ground.)

Jasmine: (taking off her headband) Their army can't stop me.

(She throws her headband, tied to a rope, up towards the bars of her cell. The rope wraps itself around the bars so she can climb out.)

(Setting: Back outside on the island. The others are still searching for Jasmine. Sultan is lagging behind them, panting.)

Aladdin: You should rest now, Sultan.

Sultan: Nonsense! Onward!

(Abu sees a bunch of grapes hanging from a stone gazebo and starts licking his lips, hungrily.)

(Jasmine has escaped from the dungeon and starts running away. The queen and Scara are watching her.)

Queen: She's escaped.

Scara: (giggling) Oh, she is a naughty one!

(Abu runs up to grab the bunch of grapes.)

Iago: Uh, look, not that I care, but one moldy monkey seems to be missing.

Aladdin: Abu?

(Abu grabs the grapes, and the pillars holding up the building fall away. Abu runs away quickly before the stone roof crushes him.)

Aladdin: Abu!

Iago: Like I said, beautiful but deadly. Everything's a trap!

Abu: Uh huh!

Genie: (looking at the flattened grapes) Ooh, those Galafems don't fool around.

Aladdin: Neither can we, Genie. We have to protect the sultan!

(Genie turns into three Secret Service agents.)

Genie: Don't worry, sir. Nobody gets by us. (talking into his watch) Keep 'im covered.

(The Genies search the area, peering from behind trees and bushes. One pops up holding Abu.)

Genie: (into his watch) Blue leader? We've got a hair boy here. Says he's cleared security. (a muffled voice comes from the watch) Roger. The chimp checks out. (tosses Abu away, then looks around) All clear on the she front. Bring in the big cheese.

(Aladdin and Sultan walk into the area Genie just checked. As soon as Sultan enters, the three Genie Secret Service agents surround him.)

Genies: (in unison) Keep 'im covered, boys.

Sultan: (squeezing out from between the Genies) This is quite unnecessary!

(A shadow passes over them, and they look up to see a group of Galafems flying overhead.)

Aladdin: Take cover!

Genie: Code red!

(They run and hide behind a bush as the Galafems pass by.)

Sultan: (whispering) Aladdin, I have a plan. I'll reveal myself to the Galafems.

Aladdin: No, Sultan, that—

Sultan: Once I'm captured the rest of you can follow me straight to Jasmine.

Aladdin: It's too risky.

Genie: All clear, move 'em out!

(They all climb out from behind the bush.)

Aladdin: This way.

(The Genie agents surround Sultan again.)

Genie: Keep 'im covered, boys.

(As they walk over a path covered with large flat stones, one of the stones opens up when Sultan and the Genies pass over it. Sultan slips through the hole, while the Genies keep going.)

Aladdin: Wait! (looks between the three Genies) Where's the sultan?

(Setting: another part of the island.)

(Jasmine is still running away. She sees a road lined with columns and starts to run along it. As soon as she steps on the road the columns start to fall down; Jasmine barely manages to run fast enough to escape them all. As soon as she passes them all and stops to catch her breath, they stand themselves back up.)

(A shadow passes over Jasmine; she looks up to see a group of Galafems riding winged horses. One of them is Scara, who aims her bow at Jasmine.)

Scara: Fire! (lets the arrow fly)

(Jasmine tries to run, but she's blocked by a river and a waterfall. The other galafems take aim and fire their arrows at Jasmine.)

Jasmine: No!

(Jasmine jumps over the edge of the waterfall, but the arrows the Galafems fired turn into ropes, forming a net that catches her. The Galafems fly back with Jasmine and drop her in front of their queen, still trapped in the net. Jasmine glares at the queen.)

Queen: Jasmine, your performance on the escape test was superb. High marks for speed and style.

Jasmine: Test?

Scara: Oh, I should be jealous! You put my old score to shame! But I'm just so proud! (giggles)

Jasmine: (sly) I, uh, always find a challenge invigorating, sister.

Scara: I knew she had that Galafem spirit!

Queen: You are ready for the next training phase: weaponry!

(The other Galafems cheer for Jasmine; Scara waves a flag.)

Jasmine: Excellent! (thinking to herself) I'll need weapons for my escape.

(Setting: elsewhere on the island. The others are still looking for Sultan.)

Aladdin: Sultan! Sultan!

Genie: How could I lose the head of state? I'll just retrace our steps.

(Genie turns into Sultan and starts walking backwards, while talking backwards in Sultan's voice. He comes to the place where Sultan fell down the hole, but it's closed now.)

Aladdin: Then what happened?

(The hole opens up again and everyone falls through. The chute drops them off a cliff; Carpet catches Aladdin and Abu.)

Genie: We found the sultan!

Iago: But it's not a pretty sight.

(At the bottom of the cliff are giant statues of Galafems. Sultan's clothing is caught on the sword of one of the statues.)

Sultan: Oh, bother. Aladdin, stay back! I believe there's more to this than meets the eye.

Aladdin: (pulling Sultan off the statue) Don't worry, I've got you!

(The statue's arm raises slightly when Sultan's weight is removed from it. The other statues, all holding bows, start shooting giant arrows at them, pinning Aladdin and Sultan by their clothing to the side of the cliff. An arrow also hits Carpet, ripping him. Aladdin manages to free himself, while Genie saves Sultan.)

Genie: (setting Sultan on the ground) No need to panic, your highness. Deep cleansing breaths...

Sultan: (annoyed) I'm fine!

Aladdin: Oh no, Carpet! You're ripped!

(Carpet tries to fly, but keeps crashing.)

Aladdin: I don't think he can fly.

Genie: (as a mechanic) I can patch 'im up, no problem. Have 'im ready by next Tuesday.

Iago: We'll all be pincushions by next Tuesday!

Sultan: We must move on! (rolls Carpet up and starts to carry him away)

Aladdin: How can we rescue Jasmine when we're so busy rescuing him?

Sultan: If that's how you feel, I shall find my daughter by myself! (leaves)

Aladdin: Genie, what am I gonna do? It's too dangerous out there!

(Setting: later, still on the island. Aladdin is on a mountain path but is slowly edging himself along one side. Abu and Iago are with him.)

Aladdin: Keep clear of that path. It could be a killer.

Iago: I hate this splitting up idea. Go with you, I'm facing danger. Stay with the genie, I'm yeuch, with the genie.

Aladdin: It was the only way, Iago. If the sultan came with us we'd be caught—

(Some Galafems swoop down from the air and start shooting at them.)

Aladdin: (running onto the path to escape) Whoa! Look out! Go!

(A cage pops up out of the path, capturing Aladdin. The Galafems shoot rope-arrows around the cage, then carry it away.)

Aladdin: Genie!

(Setting: elsewhere on the island. Genie, Sultan, and Carpet are walking in a line, led by Genie.)

Genie: That Al was using the old gray matter. Splitting up into two teams! What strategy! We'll cover more ground this way!

(Sultan starts to walk off in a different direction from Genie.)

Genie: (turning Sultan around) Ah ah ah! Not that way! This way looks much more promising.

Sultan: But I'm quite sure this is the third time we've passed those trees! Genie! You've been leading me in circles!

(We can now see the path they were walking on from a further distance, and it is in fact a circle.)

Genie: I, uh...

Sultan: My daughter is in danger! And no one, not you, not Aladdin, no one will stop me from saving her!

Genie: Don't worry! Al will save Jasmine! That's what he does. You're a sultan, and that's what you do.

Sultan: Oh really? When I was half Aladdin's age I was taming wild stallions for the royal army!

(Iago flies up to them, out of breath.)

Iago: Aladdin and Abu have been captured.

Genie: How are you with winged horses?

Sultan: Try me.

(Setting: back at the Galafem queen's throne. Jasmine is riding a winged horse.)

Scara: Now, concentrate and your arrow will do whatever you wish!

(Jasmine shoots an arrow at Scara; it turns to water before it hits her in the face. Jasmine giggles.)

Queen: A bit too playful for my tastes, but inventive.

Jasmine: (landing her winged horse and dismounting) Have I not proven myself, Queen Hippsodeth?

Queen Hippsodeth: You must pass one last test.

Scara: (gasps) Your final exam! Already?! What an overachiever!

Jasmine: I am ready.

Hippsodeth: Bring them in!

(Two Galafems with spears lead out Aladdin and Abu, in chains.)

Aladdin: Hey!

Hippsodeth: To prove your loyalty as a Galafem warrior, you will execute these intruders. Jasmine, don't keep us waiting.

Jasmine: But, Queen Hippsodeth, it's only a boy and a monkey!

Aladdin: Huh?

Jasmine: Uh, they're hardly worth our trouble.

Scara: Trouble? It'll be kicky! You can use the Spartan spine spin, always my fave.

Jasmine: The spine spin seems too... swift and merciful. Isn't there something more excruciating? (whispering to Aladdin) Play along, I'm just—

(A shadow passes over them; it's Sultan and Carpet, on a winged horse.)

Jasmine: (gasps) Father!

Aladdin: Sultan?!

Abu: Huh?

Hippsodeth: How did he get by our sentries?!

(A giant screen appears in the sky. On it we can see Genie as a female talk show host. Behind him are four Galafems, bound and gagged.)

Genie: Today on Genie, "When Sorority Girls Go Bad"!

Hippsodeth: Impossible! Galafem security cannot be breached!

Genie: You didn't count on the jolly juggernaut, who even now races to rescue his daughter!

(Genie comes out of the screen and turns it off with a remote control. It disappears.)

(Hippsodeth and Scara start to run away, while Sultan fires several arrows after them.)

Genie: And she's not the only one who's underestimated him, eh Al?

Scara: Run! Run, your majesty!

(The sultan's arrows turn to ropes, tying themselves around the two Galafems' ankles, tripping them.)

Sultan: Marksmanship is my forte, but I do believe in fair play. So you may surrender now, before anyone gets hurt!

Hippsodeth: (tearing off the rope) Scara! To our mounts!

Scara: My queen and I, alone in battle against these outworlders! Neat! (bounces off after Hippsodeth)

Aladdin: I've got to get up there to help the sultan. Genie, I need a flying horse!

Abu: Uh oh...

(Genie turns Abu into a winged donkey, who brays loudly.)

Iago: Hey, less attitude, more altitude!

(Aladdin climbs on Abu's back, and they take off.)

Iago: Look out!

(Scara is approaching them on her flying horse. She sweeps past, causing them to start spinning in the air uncontrollably.)

Sultan: Hang on Aladdin! I'll save you!

(Hippsodeth is coming up behind Sultan on a chariot pulled by a winged horse.)

Hippsodeth: You had better look out for yourself, foolish man!

Sultan: Oh my!

Jasmine: Genie! You save Aladdin, I'll help my father.

Genie: Those leadership skills must run in the family!

(Jasmine shoots a rope-arrow at Hippsodeth that ties itself around the queen's wrist. Jasmine tries to pull her down, but Hippsodeth grabs the rope and pulls Jasmine up instead.)

Hippsodeth: I will not lose a warrior with such potential!

(Abu is now flying normally again, but Aladdin isn't on his back.)

Iago: The kid's gone! Who's gonna drive!

Aladdin: (dangling from one of Abu's legs) I'm fine, Iago! More or less...

(Scara is headed back towards them, aiming her bow at them.)

Genie: I'm comin' guys!

(He starts to fly towards them, then notices the cupid sculptures decorating one of the buildings.)

Genie: (zapping the cupids) Look alive, kids. Al needs us.

(The cupids come to life and fly up into the air. One of them flies in front of Aladdin and deflects one of Scara's arrow with his own. Aladdin climbs back up onto Abu's back.)

Scara: Ooh, that shot was right on target and everything!

(Scara starts to aim again, but the other two cupids have grabbed her horse's tail, causing her to fall off. Genie catches her.)

Genie: (hugging her) Ooh, you are so cute when you're battle-crazed!

(Sultan is following Hippsodeth's chariot.)

Hippsodeth: Forget your father, Jasmine. The Galafems are your family now!

Sultan: You are quite mistaken, madam! (to Carpet, who is steering while Sultan uses his bow) Get me up there. It's time to do some damage.

(Sultan shoots an arrow at the link connecting Hippsodeth's flying horse to her chariot, and the chariot starts to fall.)

Hippsodeth: No!

(Sultan swoops down and saves Jasmine, while Hippsodeth and the chariot keep falling. Genie then appears by the chariot with Scara.)

Genie: You know, ride sharing is an idea whose time has come. (puts Scara in the falling chariot with Hippsodeth) Hate to be a nag, but you aughta buckle up, too!

(Hippsodeth, Scara, and the chariot all fall into a lake.)

Genie: Ooh, told ya!

Sultan: Follow me, my boy! Back to Agrabah!

Aladdin: (struggling to stay on the winged donkey's back) Uh, yes, your highness. Whoa!

(They fly away from the island.)

(Hippsodeth and Scara are sitting in the lake.)

Hippsodeth: The Galafems have been defeated in battle...

Scara: Sounds like rematch time! I'm game!

(Hippsodeth faints and falls backwards into the water.)

(Setting: the palace, that night. Genie, Iago, and Abu are all dressed as mechanics, examining Carpet.)

Genie: I don't know, Carpet, looks like a weave-job to me.

Iago: Uh, yeah, that's gonna cost ya. We charge by the hour.

Abu: Uh huh.

(Sultan is playing the shooting gallery game with the three cupids. Aladdin and Jasmine are watching.)

Sultan: Ooh! That's two for me!

Jasmine: Great shot, Father!

Aladdin: He hasn't missed one yet!

Sultan: Not bad for someone who doesn't get out of the palace much, hmm?

Aladdin: I was wrong, your highness. You know, you're pretty handy on an adventure.

Sultan: Splendid to hear you say so, my boy. 'Cause I heard about about a sunken treasure. It's guarded by sea serpents. But I propose we move in at night. We'll have surprise on our side then.

Iago: Dating tip: always let the girl's father win!

Aladdin: Yes, your highness...