Trailer Trashed

Benson: Alright, everyone. Listen up. I have a new health inspector coming in any minute, so I need everyone on--

Everyone: (Bored) On our best behavior.

Pops: Ooh, here he comes!

(A van appears and the new health inspector reveals himself)

Muscle Man: That's not our usual inspector. (Revealing they didn't listen to what Benson said.)

Benson: That's what I just SAID! Do you guys ever listen to me?!!

(The health inspector, Frank Jones, wants to know who is the Park manager)

Frank Jones: Which one of you is the Park manager?

Benson: That's me, Benson. Nice to meet you.

(Offers a handshake, but Frank doesn't shake it, leaving Benson shocked)

Frank Jones: Mmm, hmm.

(Frank writes unknown information on his clipboard)

Frank Jones (continued): Frank Jones. City health department. I've been sent to inspect your Park. Now, if it's alright with you, I'd like to get this inspection under way.

(Checks to see if the soda machine is working right, checks the tools, checks Pops's harpsichord, checks the benches, checks the bathrooms, and finally checks the trees. We cut back to the park were the park workers are looking worried as Frank writes on his clipboard.)

Frank Jones: Well, that's it.

Benson: Did we--

Frank Jones: You passed. Barely.

(The Park workers celebrate)

Frank Jones: The department will be in touch. Wait... what is that?

Muscle Man: My trailer. Pretty sweet, huh?

Frank Jones: No human could possibly live in that thing.

Muscle Man: What? No way, bro. That trailer is a palace inside. Go see for yourself.

(Frank opens the door to Muscle Man's trailer and quickly shuts it. He spray paints an "x" on the door with black spray paint.)

Muscle Man: What are you doing?!

Frank Jones: This trailer needs to be destroyed. I'm taking it to the dump.

Musicle Man: You can't! This trailer is the third best thing that's ever happened to me! I won it at a hotdog-eating contest.

(Cuts to flashback of Muscle Man mushing his food at the contest and winning the trailer)

Announcer: The winner!

(Audience cheers)

Muscle Man: Yeah! Alright! This is the third best thing that's ever happened to me!

(Flashback ends)

Frank Jones: Look, this trailer is a health hazard and it's getting scrapped!

Muscle Man: But you barely even looked at it!

(Breaks down in tears)

Frank Jones: I'm calling the dump!

Benson: Wait! Muscle Man has twenty four hours from the time of notice to get his trailer up to code. It's the law!

Frank Jones: Uh... (Sighs) I'll be back in 24 hours. And when you fail inspection, again, I'm taking your trailer!

(Walks away)

Muscle Man: Twenty four hours? Pssh. Probably only take me one. What am I gonna do with the other twenty three?

Benson: Muscle Man, we need to see the inside of your trailer.

Muscle Man: Sure, dudes. Mi casa es your house.

(Everyone enters the trailer and groans)

Muscle Man: Pretty chill, right?

(Enters)

Pops: (Noticing flies buzzing around a pan) Oh, my!

Muscle Man: That's my breakfast nook.

Skips: What the...

(Sees a hole in the ceiling)

Muscle Man: Sunroof, bro.

Rigby: Dude, Muscle Man, what is that?!

(Muscle Man picks up a bowl containing an unknown substance)

Muscle Man: Well, it used to be a bowl of chili. Now it's more of a house plant.

(The other park employees are unimpressed by the trailer)

Muscle Man: (Ashamed) Now you know how I live. I need help.

Mordecai: Don't worry, dude.

Rigby: There's no way we'll let the inspector take your trailer away.

Pops: And if we all contribute, this caravan will be spick-and-span in no time.

Muscle Man: Thanks, bros. LET'S DO THIS!

(Throws house plant. Everyone glares at him)

Muscle Man (continued): I'll clean that up.

(Montage of everyone remaking the trailer day and night. The next day, it's as good as new.)

Benson: I can't believe we actually did it.

Rigby: Yeah, who knew under all that dirt and junk was a kinda decent mobile home?

Pops: You're sure to pass the inspection now.

Muscle Man: Thanks, guys. I couldn't have done it without you. I can't wait to see the look on that chump's face when he sees-

Frank Jones: (Clapping) Mmm. Impressive.

Muscle Man: Yeah. Sorry to disappoint you, but it looks like I'm keeping my trailer.

Frank Jones: You guys really put a lot of work into this thing. Unfortunately, I still have to fail you.

Muscle Man: What!?

Frank Jones: Yeah, see? Take this shutter for example.

(Assistant #1 puts it out of shape)

Frank Jones (continued): Not up to code!

Mordecai: Dude, what the heck!?

Frank Jones: That window over there?

(Assistant #2 shoots an arrow and shatters it) Not up to code!

Muscle Man: (Growls silently) Quit messing up my trailer, bro.

Frank Jones: Even this doorknob here. (Kicks it) Not up to CODE! This trailer is nothing but a pile.

(Muscle Man punches him in the face and he falls. Park members gasp and so do the assistants. They get ready to beat Muscle Man up.)

Muscle Man: You're not taking my trailer!

(Assistants come up)

Frank Jones: NO! (Wipes his nose) You get that one for free. Let's ride. (Heads back to the vehicle) I'm coming back for that trailer, and when I do, I'm bringing an army. You're gonna wish you'd never won that hotdog-eating contest!

(Drives off)

Muscle Man: (Twirls and throws his shirt) Whoo-hoo! Eat on that, health department!

Benson: This is no time to celebrate. Didn't you hear that guy? He's bringing an army!

Pops: How are we to stand up to those ruffians?

Muscle Man: One thing I've learned from food-eating contests is: Even when you're at your limit and feel like you're gonna puke your guts out, you never give up! You threaten a man's home, you threaten the man! I don't care how many guys he brings, I'm standing up to that punk! You with me?!

(All cheer in response)

Muscle Man (continued): Good, cause I have a plan. (Calls Muscle Bro) You there, Muscle Bro?

John: What's up, little brother?

Muscle Man: I need your help. Bring the truck.

(Cut to the Huge Dump Frank and his henchmen are driving to)

Frank: (Calling his other men) Hey, listen up! Those punks think they can keep that trailer from me?! That trailer's mine! To the park!!

(Henchmen cheer and drive off. Cut to John closing his truck.)

Muscle Man: Trailer locked and loaded, bro?

John: Locked and ready to go, bro.

Muscle Man: Everybody here?

Rigby: Everybody except Fives.

Mordecai: Yeah, we should wait.

Muscle Man: No time. Now you dudes should know this is gonna be dangerous. Ya wanna bail, I'll understand.

(Thomas raises his hand)

Muscle Man (continued): Yeah, Thomas?

Thomas: Are we getting overtime for this?

Benson: NO!

Mordecai: Dude, it's not about overtime. (To Muscle Man) Muscle Man, I think I speak for everybody here when I say (Close up of his face) we're doing this cause we're your friends.

Muscle Man: (Touched) Thanks, bros.

Thomas: It's just that I don't know him that well, and...

All (Except Muscle Man): THOMAS!

(Muscle Man sniffs)

Rigby: Dude, what do ya smell?

Muscle Man: Danger. Positions!

(Everyone heads to their position. Frank and his men are at The Park entrance.)

Frank Jones: Muscle Man, we have two paths. Down one, you hand over your trailer, we leave peacefully. The other leads to violence and horror.

Muscle Man: You know who else leads to violence and horror?! MY MOM!

Assistant: Uh, that's not one of our choices.

(Benson, Pops, Skips and Thomas drive up in their vehicles)

Benson: Hey, you're the most persistent health inspector ever.

Skips: We're not giving you the trailer.

Frank Jones: Very well.

(Frank's henchmen jump out of their vehicles and approach the park workers, who gasp)

Benson: (Via walkie talkie) Muscle Man, now!

(At that moment, there is an explosion. It clears up, revealing Muscle Man and John driving the truck out through the gates of the park. As they crush one of the vehicles of the henchmen, the other park workers follow suit. Frank sees a border sign.)

Frank Jones: Aaaah! They're taking the truck to the border! Stop that truck!

(Frank and his henchmen roll out. The park workers and John are driving clear of them. Mucle Man and John cheer.)

Muscle Man: (Via walkie talkie) Looks like we've got a convoy going! Now remember, the inspector doesn't have any jurisdiction out of state. Guard the trailer, and once we cross the border, we'll be untouchable.

Benson: Ten four!

(Frank and his henchmen have caught up. One of the henchmen head for the truck.)

Rigby: Hey!

(Mordecai knocks him out of the way with the cart)

M&R: Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm!

(Another assistant shoots Skips's vehicle with flaming arrows, but Skips puts it in reverse and destroys him)

Muscle Man: Yeah! Way to go, dudes!

(They're not far from the border. The helicopter assistant tries to destroy the truck with bombs from above.)

Muscle Man: (Via walkie talkie) Benson! Pops! Take care of the helicopter!

(Pops puts his car in flying mode, and heads for the helicopter while Frank and one of the assistants come around the truck. The helicopter assistant throws more bombs, eventually knocking out Skips and Thomas.)

Thomas: Grenades! Woah!

Skips: (Via walkie talkie) We're out.

(Benson and Pops have caught up to the heliopter and finally knock it out)

B&P: Yeah! Yay!

(The assistant at the back of a two-passenger vehicle points an arrow gun at the car and shoots a barrel of arrows at it. Pops get oil all over his face from the car.)

Pops: Carmenita!

(He and Benson scream as the car flies backwards)

Benson: (Via walkie talkie) Muscle Man, we're out, too.

(The arrow gunner laughs, but Mordecai then knocks his vehicle out of the way with the cart)

Rigby: Eat cart, dumpheads!

(He and Mordecai shout a loud 'woah!', but find the vehicle has come back on track. They scream as the arrow gunner fires rapidly at the cart, finally popping a tire and eliminating them.)

Mordecai: (Via walkie talkie) Sorry, dude.

(The two-passenger vehicle heads for the truck)

John: Not on my watch!

(He swerves the truck to the side of the vehicle and destroys it, causing a brief explosion. Emerging from it is a furious Frank.)

Frank Jones: GIMME THAT TRAILER!

(He and he last assistant are at the sides of the truck. Frank screams as they both climb on. John tries to close the window on the assistant, but the assistant puts pressure on the window, causing John to lose his grip. They both get into a rumble and the assistant pulls John out through the window.)

Muscle Man: Muscle Bro!

(Muscle Man takes the wheel. He sees a sign that says 'Border Up Ahead'.) 

Muscle Man (continued): The border!

(Frank then comes in and punches him in the face, causing the truck to go off the road to the border. The two are now fighting as they head for a cliff.)

Muscle Man (continued): What's your problem?! You're the most insane health inspector ever!

Frank Jones: Health inspector? I'm no health inspector!

Muscle Man: What?

Frank Jones: You really don't remember, do you? I'm Frank Jones!

(Muscle Man nods. Frank then takes his glasses off. Muscle Man gasps as he remembers him from the hotdog-eating contest. A flashback shows him struggling to eat more hotdogs.)

Frank Jones: (Voice over) I was runner-up that day.

Announcer: And Frank is out! Look at Mitch! Some kind of water technique.

(Muscle Man performs the technique and wins the trailer. Frank is disappointed. Back to present.)

Frank Jones: Using water to mush your food is cheating!

Muscle Man: It's totally (Pushes Frank away) legit! That's how Japan wins all the time!

Frank Jones: THIS TRAILER IS MINE!

(Both continue fighting until Muscle Man gives in)

Muscle Man: You want it so badly? You can (Pushes Frank to the door) have it!

(Muscle Man ties his shirt to the steering wheel)

Frank Jones: No!

(Muscle Man pulls out the brakes of the truck, jumps out before Frank gets to him, and rolls away. Frank tries to control the truck but to no avail.)

Frank Jones (continued): The trailer!

(Frank climbs on top of the truck and opens up the back, only to find a 'Gotcha Dude!' sign) 

Frank Jones (continued): NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(He goes down with the truck over the cliff, and dies in the explosion. Muscle Man appears, looking down at the scene.)

Muscle Man: Gotcha, bro.

(The other park workers appear)

Mordecai: Sorry we couldn't save your trailer, Muscle Man.

Pops: You can stay in the house until you find a new vehicle to live in.

Muscle Man: Guys, it's cool. My trailer's still back at the park!

Park Workers: What?

Muscle Man: Fives has been guarding it this whole time.

(Hi Five Ghost comes out of the bushes, revealing this is true.) 

Muscle Man (continued): I needed everyone to believe we were driving to the border so the inspector would take the bait. And that punk totally fell for it! (Laughs)

Rigby: Remind me to never touch Muscle Man's stuff.

Muscle Man: Seriously, though. You guys really came through for me today. Thanks.

(John comes out of some bushes looking bruised and battered)

John: Sorry I'm late. Did we get him?

Muscle Man: Yeah. We got him, bro.

John: Whooooo! (Hi fives Muscle Man) Way to go little brother. So, where's my truck?

(Muscle Man frowns as the episode ends)