Bear Flu

♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da ba-da-ba-da-ba ♪ ♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da Let's go! ♪ ♪ We'll be there ♪ ♪ A wink and a smile and a great, old time ♪ ♪ Yeah, we'll be there ♪ ♪ Wherever we are, there's fun to be found ♪ ♪ We'll be there when you turn that corner ♪ ♪ When you jump out the bush ♪ ♪ With a big bear hug and a smile ♪ ♪ We'll be there ♪ Chloe: Whoa! Crazy! This is, like, the 10th bacteria I've discovered today. Aren't you the grossest little fellas ever. Hey, guys! Check this out! [Laughter] Guys? Guys... guys! Together: Chloe! Chloe's in the hizzy! Join us! Uh, I'm good. You guys shouldn't even be in the water. Ugh, this whole lake is crazy dirty. What? The water's fine. If they didn't want anyone to swim, they would've put up a sign. You mean, like this one? Nah, that's just the name of the lake ... Lake Prohibido Nadar. Also, we saw that you were busy, so we wanted to get out of your wa... Aaaah! Don't worry, Chloe. Everything's fine. We're bears. Bears never get sick. Ice Bear is immune to all disease. Well, I'm done with my research. I'm ready to go back whenever you guys are. Okay, guys. Let's go. Last one's a dingle! [Laughs] Oh, guys, you don't have to rush! Never mind. Here we come! [Laughs] [Slow motion] Aaaah! It's a tie! Oh! That was awesome. [Sniffs] Ugh! You guys really smell. Smell like the flowers that we are? Why, thank you. I know you want to smell like a flower, too. Flower hug! Ah! Stay back! [Sneezes] [Sneezes] Um... you guys don't look so good. Nah, a bear's immune system is one of the strongest in the world. 30 minutes from now, we'll all be good. [Clock ticking] [Groaning] Whoa. I knew that lake was full of nasty germs. You guys look sick. Nah, I'm good. I just like the floor. Wait. Germs? Are we gonna be okay? I think we need to call a doctor. Nah, that won't be necessary. Trust me. I've done research on thousands of various germs and bacteria. I can totally take care of you guys myself. Open your mouth. Wider. Ah. Tell me if this hurts. Yes. How about this? Yes. Yes. I'm not even touching you! How many fingers am I holding up? Grizzly: Little baby unicorns. All right, it's official. You guys are sick. We aren't sick. Bears never get sick. Right, guys? [Groaning] All right. I've heard enough. You're going to bed now. Boo. [Grunts] Okay. Time to sleep. Ohhh, but I don't want to. [Sneezes] Am I gonna be okay? What if I have some weird disease that eats your face? It's just a cold. Go to sleep. Can I surf the Internet? It helps me sleep better. Of course. [Tapping] Here we go. Into the fridge. You're getting pretty warm. Let's see what we got here. Better? Mmm... Hang tight. I'm going to cook all you guys some soup. Chopping carrots. Chop, chop. Wait. Do they even like carrots? Hey, Grizz, do you want ... Grizz? Dang it. Where'd you go? [Grunting] Grizz, what are you doing?! I feel great! Not sick anymore. Come on. If you don't rest, you'll get worse. Bears never get sick. I'll just finish my workout in here. [Grunts] [Sighs] Panda: Chloe! Coming! Is something wrong? Yes! I checked Totally Medicine, and it says I could have numerous diseases. It could be PPS, severe hypochondria, or worse... bear flu. Panda, you shouldn't believe those websites. But Totally Medicine is a legit source of medical information. I think you've had enough Internet for today. Okay! Just let me finish writing this post! Panda! Just let me post it! Oof! [Swish!] Done! Wait! No! I need it! You can have it back once you're better. [Groans] [Sighs] Finally. [Thud!] Wah! Oh, man! You're burning up! Hold on. [Pounding] Huh? Grizz, what are you doing? I'm not sick anymore, Chloe. See? Watch me help. More bananas. Aah! Grizz, stop! Ugh! You're messing up the soup! No more stew for bears. Phew. Luckily, there's still some left. Ooh! Yum. Mm! Don't you look delicious? Grizz, no! Bottoms up! Mm! Tastes like a dirty sleeping bag. Hey, Chloe. Panda: Chloe! Panda? What's going on? To Grizz ... I bequeath all my video games. Treat them well. Panda, I really don't have time for this. [Clattering] Okay, no! Grizz, come on. [Grunting] Just stay in your room! Grizz is not home right now. Please leave a message. [Thud!] Ice Bear is cold. In bad way. Aah! Now you're too cold?! What's happening?! [Moaning] Chloe! The bear flu has spread to my ears! I can hear nothing but my life flashing before my eyes! Please, help Ice Bear. I'm Chloe! Ooooh! I made stew! [Indistinct talking] That's enough! [Sighs] That's it! You guys are gonna eat your soup, and then you guys are gonna go straight to bed! Sit! Drink! [Slurping] Watch some TV! ♪ Funky little monkey ♪ ♪ Bam-baaah! ♪ ♪ Funky little monkey ♪ Finally. Whew! That was intense. [Groaning] [Grumbles] What is it now, you guy... I feel so much worse! [Groaning] Oh! Ugh! Okay. I'm calling the doctor! [Telephone rings] Hello? Dr. Sun's Office. Hello? So, my friends are sick because they swam and drank dirty water, and I thought I could take care of them, but I realized that it's so tough to deal with three bears who all have the bear flu! Whoa, whoa, hold on. Did you say bear flu? I-I can tell you right now that there's no such thing. Your friends sound like they're just dealing with a regular flu. Don't worry. Everything will be fine. No more... please... ♪ Funky little monkey! ♪ [Cellphone vibrating, chiming] [Panting] Sir! We have a problem! What is it? An epidemic, sir. Bear flu? What are the symptoms? We don't know, but it's bad. First bird flu, then swine flu, and now bear flu? We've got to contain this. Where's patient zero? Found it, sir! I've traced the source back to three bears living in a major city in California. Based on one of the bears' social media pages, they are quite active around people. The ramifications are dire. This is just today. Tomorrow the entire country becomes infected. And the day after, the world! This is bad. Real bad. Make the necessary calls. We have to contain this. Yes, sir. Go! Go! Go! Now! Aaaah! Thank you so much. I'll bring them to the office right now. See you soon. [Cellphone beeps] [Sirens wailing] [Tires screech] Man: Go! Go! Go! Go! Let's go! Hey! What's going on?! Wait! Stop! What's happening?!! Step away, citizen. This area has been quarantined due to the bear flu. Bear flu? You're confused. There's no such thing. Are you a doctor?! What? No. Exactly. You don't know what you're talking about. Can someone escort this elderly Korean lady off the premises? Dude, I'm 10! [Hiss!] Major, we're containing the cave. Nothing's getting in or out! Oh, no. Oh, no. [Tires screeching] Perfect. All clear. Be careful in there. Hey! Who are you? [Lowered voice] Um... I'm a Hazmat guy. Oh. Go right in. Be sure to use the decontamination chamber. What's their condition? Decreased brain activity, sir. Patient 2 has lost his ability to distinguish reality. Life... candles... followers... And I'm afraid he's reached Stage 4. Ice Bear is ready for afterlife... and then after party. [Gasps] Yeah, I heard they were gonna ship them off to an island once we're all done here. I heard they're gonna put them in a chamber 10,000 feet in the ground. Ah, you're both wrong. They're obviously gonna have to be put into a rocket and shoot them into the sun. Hey, you! Have you heard anything yet? [Lowered voice] They're... uh... cutting our pension! What?! Huh?! No! This isn't fair! This is an outrage! What are we suppose to do?! I mean... All righty, little guy. You're gonna help me out. [Heart monitor beeps steadily] [Flatlines] Oh, my gosh. Oh! My bad. There we go. [Heart monitor beeps steadily] Is that a Cordulegaster dorsalis? I've got an inchworm? Both: Breach! Come on, guys. We got to go to the doctor's. Panda! ["Always Here" by Enya plays] Is this heaven? [Sneezes] I'm alive! We got to get going! Get in the stack! Ice Bear will try. [Groans] I got this. [Sneezes] How am I supposed to get three bears... A-ha! Uh, we're working on it, sir. We have the situation contained. Everything is under control. [Whistling] [Lowered voice] Uh, just taking some samples back. [Chuckles] [Panda inhaling sharply] Panda! Stop breathing! [Radio crackles] Premises have been resealed! Cave is clear! [Sighs] We should be able to put this to bed pretty soon. The bears are out of containment! They're gone! Wha...? No! I want my blankie! Give it back! They're escaping! [Action music] [Screaming] [Wheels skid] [Radio crackles] Requesting back up! They're heading towards the city. See you next week. All right, who's next? [Gasps] Doctor! Doctor! Doctor, please hurry! The ... The b-b-bad ... bad guys are after us! Bad guys? Just bring them in. [Beep] Well, from the looks of this, the fever's going down. I think you guys are gonna be okay. Thanks again for seeing us so quickly. Well, better before blowing this whole thing out of propor... [Siren wails] Move! Move! Move! Go! Go! Go! Nobody move! Step away from the bears! They are deathly ill and contagious. No more bear flu here. I was ... I was only exaggerating on the Internet! [Sniffles] Ice Bear innocent. Hang on. Bear flu? Uh, this is out of control. These bears are fine. But... what about the bear flu? There's no such thing. It's fictitious. She is a doctor, sir. [Radio crackles] Man: Code red! Possible outbreak of crop-top syndrome in the Midwest! All right! We're done here! Let's hustle, people! Thank you for your cooperation, citizens. Hup! [Thud!] [Tires screech] I'm sorry, you guys, for today's mess. I probably should've just brought you to the doctor's. It's okay, Chloe. [Sniffles] We're gonna be okay now, anyways. Thanks for trying to look out for us. Ice Bear gained life experience and lost a little weight. I'd say, just grab some juice for them on the way back. [Sneezes] On second thought, maybe you should call your parents.