Disemboweled by an Orphan

[ Thunder crashes ] [ Laughs evilly ] [ Sawing ] [ Electricity crackles ] It's alive! [ Thunder crashes ] [ Laughs evilly ] [ Smooch! ] [ Laughs evilly ] [ Squeaks ] [ Squeals ] Colby McNibblecheddar, your time has come. [ Meows ] [ Hacking ] [ Gags ] Yarnball Stoutwhiskers, your time has come. [ Giggles ] [ Giggles ] Ooh. Ahh. Drop the weapon! [ Gunshot ] What was that thing? [ Coughs ] [ Gunshots ] Oh, don't, please?! No butt stuff! No butt stuff! Why do all these humans think we shove metal rods up their butts? Oh, I wish I didn't, but I know the answer to that. You know, the fact that the scanning process is non-invasive makes me proud to come to work every day. Jerry! What the [bleep] are you doing? I don't know. I -- I got curious. This is gonna be a P. R. nightmare -- you know that? Wait, it's actually quite fun. En garde. [ Both grunting ] Well, that's terrible. I know. Wait -- in that story, which alien were you? What are you, a cop? Everyone, I'd like you to meet my new boyfriend. [ All gasp ] Where's Gadget? Fat Cat is on the move, and if we don't do something soon -- Sorry I'm late, boys. I was picking out a new outfit. Gadget, where's your jumpsuit? You're -- you're -- you're not wearing -- you're wearing I have to go to the bathroom. [ Moaning ] You don't like it? Spin and a little turn crikey. I can see Gadget's p-p-p-p-p -- p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p -- Parmesan cheese. I'm gonna go grab a quick shower. Such a forgetful girl. Ooh. Gadget, you're not wearing pants. None of you wear pants. How come it's okay for you boys, but when a woman -- Chip, what are you doing? IuhI'll be in my room with the door locked. Excuse you. [ Moans ] You're a naughty girl. What has gotten into everyone, Zipper? [ Moaning ] Zipper! We have learned the weirding way, and with this knowledge, we will force -- Whoo-hoo! Forget about the weirding ways, have you seen these things? They call it a "dune buggy. " Can you believe we've been walking all over these dunes? Well [bleep] that from now on. Why didn't anyone think of this before? We've all been drinking our own piss while we could have been bitch-slapping these dunes? [ Coughs ] Gurney, this is serious. No, man, it's cool. They've got a whole parking lot of these things. Ask for Cody. Leave! Fine, like I give a crap. I'm gonna go jump this thing off one of these dunes! Whoo-hoo! Hey! Yeah! Damn, that was pretty cool. [ Dramatic music plays ] I am sorry, Daniel-San. I do not know what I am doing, so I just started rubbing my hands together. I'm embarrassed. I can't believe the Jurassic Park scientists made us a female. [ Voice breaking ] I am gonna die all alone. Crying won't help. There's no way to change it. [ Sniffles ] Wrong. Tonight, life finds a way. [ Both gasp ] [ Indistinct conversations ] [ Both laugh ] We did it! [ Roars ] He's here! Finally, I'm gonna get married and have babies and live happily ever after. You got great legs, babe. What time do they open? [ Scoffs ] Asshole. Ah-choo! [ Groans ] Oh, come on. It's a formality, people. Oh, come on. You know, I can't stand-- It's just polite. [ Indistinct conversations ] [ Twinkle! Twinkle! ] Happy birthday, boys and girls! All: Yay! Frosty's back! Who wants to have a snowball fight? [ All cheer ] [ Wind gusts ] Oh, no. We got to catch it. [ Twinkle! ] [ Laughs ] Well, don't just stand there. Play. No, Frosty. Why are you throwing [bleep] at us? My new coat. No, don't cry, kids. It's me -- Frosty! Wipe those tears away. Wait, don't. [ Wind gusts ] [ Splat! ] He's gone now. [ Rattling ] Yeah! All: Aah! What is that thing? Don't be scared. Aah! Aah! Aah! Aahhh! Get behind us, kids. Aah! Aah! Aah! We need heavier firepower! Aah! I just wanted to play. [ Wind gusts ] Aah! Oh, I'm screwed. I'm totally screwed. [ Sighs heavily ] I'm sorry. I didn't want it to turn out like this. [ Crying ] Hey, come back here, you -- What the? Huh? [ Sirens wail ] Aw, it's just like the song -- "Birds suddenly appear every time you're near. " [ Giggles ] [ Smooch! ] [ Birds crowing ] Ow! Ow! Aah! Blown struts -- $600. Cracked shocks -- $300. Four bent rims -- $400. Yeah, but we sure did jump that crick, didn't we? Oh, giddly, I got those Duke boys now. [ Siren wails ] Uh-oh. Roscoe's on our tail. Step on it. No, you know what? I'm eating the ticket. But there's a crick right up there. We were only going five over. In Hazzard County, that's a $15 ticket. I looked it up. [ Sputtering ] Stop attacking me, you dad-gum sea serpent! Oh, man, look at him. Can I at least mess with him? They note your attitude on these things, so keep your mouth shut. Looks like the Duke boys done run out of gas. No, officer. Just pulling over to give you my license and registration. P-p-p-pulling over? What kind of Duke sorcery is this? Don't move, or I'll shoot. Step on it, man. Hey, just stay cool. I'm just gonna slowly and awkwardly climb out of this window. No! Oh, man, what did you do?! Why didn't just you just run? [ Crying ] Why?! No! I want ice cream now! Oh, that is it. No, no, no, it hurts so much. You're such a bad kid. What are you looking at? I guess I'm looking at a mother who's never heard of a "time-out" before. Pythagoras, the sum of the areas of the two squares on the legs of a right triangle equal the area of the square on hypotenuse. Can you believe I discovered that? No, and neither will anyone else. But they'll believe he discovered it. Give me that. Guys, look what I just discovered! Okay, and say, "Cheese. " All: Cheese! Cha-ch-ch-cha-chee-chee-- [ Camera shutter clicks ] So, you gonna call a play, or I'm afraid that's not what this is about, Harry. What, uh -- what are you talking about? Well, the first thing we all want to say is that we love you very much. Yes. Yep. Absolutely. No, no, no, no. Don't do this to me. You have a drug problem. [ Crying ] Not now, not you guys. Wow, Eternos, the capital of Eternia. Maybe we'll see Man-at-Arms or Stratos or Fisto. Look, it's Prince Adam and Cringer. [ Nervously ] Oh, those people are taking our picture. I'm scared. You've really mastered that one dimension, haven't you? [ Laughs evilly ] Finally, King Randor will bow down before me -- Skeletor! And there's the ego. What? What? Because I said my own name? It's so anyone who didn't know it won't feel confused. So, you think they're all idiots. Be quiet, Beast Man. [ Groans ] Harold! I knew we should have gone to Sandals with my sister. Follow the green puma! I have the power! Got to take a picture of this. [ Zap! ] Hey! Harold! What the? What the [bleep] Disco! Aah! Hyah! Roar! Good going, uh Harold. Hero-old? Nope, just Harold. You'll have to do better than riding a middle-aged tourist into battle to defeat me, He-Man. Not sure that needed saying. Quick, He-Rold, we'll take out Beast Man first. Which one is Beast Man? I'm confused. Yeah, see? New plan. I'll pretend to give myself up, and when I say "Not today," that's your cue to jump on Beast Man. Maybe pissing myself could be a diversion. Oh, my goodness. You win, Skeletor. You're Harold, I want to go home. As soon as we get our hotel deposit back, we are out of this mad house. [ Gasps ] But the deposit was non-refundable. Maybe they'll make an exception for He-Man's new battle cat. Oh, who rides -- who rides a cat, anyway? You'll find out tonight. Not tod-- yah! Victory! Please, please take me to Sandals with you. ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-gawk! Bawk.