Super Heaven

(At a hospital, Gladys' family is gathered around her deathbed.)

GLADYS: (weakly) I love you all...so much...

GRANDCHILD: Grandma! Don't go!

GLADYS: It's okay, child. I'm going to be with Jesus.

(From a cloud of cottony smoke, the Grim Reaper appears.)

GLADYS: I'm coming, Lor--

(The Reaper touches her and she dies instantly. Just then, Jesus descends.)

JESUS: Hey, hey, hey! Man, what's the deal?

REAPER: What? Just doing the ol' job-a-rino.

JESUS: She was ascending to Heaven peacefully, and you just--

REAPER: Reaped the fuck out of her? Yeah, buddy!

(Later, in Heaven, Jesus has a conversation with God about the Grim Reaper.)

JESUS: Dad, why do we even need a Grim Reaper? He's not in the Bible!

REAPER: Yes, I am!

JESUS: Uh, no. There's a personification of Death in the Bible, but he sure doesn't look like some fucking cartoon character!

GOD: Well, I suppose Jesus does have a point.

(God and the camera turn toward Gladys, who is now an angel.)

GOD: Gladys, what do you think?

GLADYS: Oh, it is not my place to judge, Lord....

(The Reaper pops out from behind God's cloudy throne.)

REAPER: Oh, stop fronting, Gladys!

GOD: Now, now, Gladys. This is no time to be upset.

GLADYS: I kinda think dying is scary enough without a robed man with a knife popping out at you.

JESUS: Thank you.

REAPER: Fine. I am not sticking around if I'm not wanted! But I have one more thing to say...

(He touches Gladys, killing her again. He chuckles. Jesus is mad.)

JESUS: You can't do that!

REAPER: Did it!

JESUS: You can't die in Heaven! Daaaaad! Tell him!

GOD: Well, actually, you can.

(Jesus is shocked.)

GOD: You see, if you die in Heaven, you get to go to Super Heaven!

JESUS: What!?

GLADYS: SUPER HEAVEN IS AWESOME! WHOO-HOO!

(...shouted Gladys, as she rides around on a souped-up motorcycle with an electric guitar in her hands, while fireworks and rainbows illuminate the midday sky.)