Mickey's House of Villains

Happy Halloween. Oh, boy! Trick or treat! Tonight, l'm going to go out and scare everybody. You? Scare everybody? Donald, on a Scare-o-Meter, you're barely a squeal. Yep. She's right. You're not going to frighten anyone... dressed up like a big red bunny. Bunny? l'll show you. Huh. There seems to be... an awful lot of villains here tonight. Aw, relax, Minnie. lt's Halloween. l'm sure they're not up to any tricks. Oh, Halloween at the House of Mouse. All treats and no tricks. lf this were my house, l'd run things differently. -Add a splash of evil? -Pillage and plunder? Blah, blah, blah. Every year it's the same thing-- all talk and no play. What a bunch of dull villains. Well, this year will be different. l've got a trick for Mickey Mouse... but you'll all have to wait until midnight. lt's a Houseketeer Halloween... so grab your garlic and get set for America's Most Haunted. He's Count Mickey Mouse. Velcome. Velcome, my children. Oh, boy! l love Halloween. Lots of haunted happenings around town. Why, Chernobog threw a big party. You know, it's easy to get to his house. Just make a right on Bald Mountain. lt's funny, because it's true. Why, l even saw Hades. He was really painting the town dead. Love that. Hey, l also heard there's a big shindig... over at the elephant graveyard. lt's B.Y.O.B. Bring your own bones. And now let's start off the fun... with this tricky Halloween tale. Boo. What manner of ghoul is this? Uh-oh. The boys. Hello, boys. Trick or treat! For you... and you and you. Thank you, Uncle Donald. Whoa, Beelzebub. Whoa. Steady there, old boy. Now here's your treat. So long, boys. Oh, bless their little black hearts. l saw the whole thing, kids. Down, Beelzebub. Down, please. Thank you. Oh, look, a real witch. Oh, joy! Thou do believeth in witches. Just for that, l'll help thee get thy candy. Uh-oh. Another one. My name, sir, is Hazel. Witch Hazel, that is. That quacking rogue is tougher than l thought. Now come here, boys. l'll tell you what l'm going to do. l need some very gruesome ingredients-- a cauldron of swamp water... Double, double, toil and trouble. Fire burn, and cauldron bubble. Eye of needle, tongue of shoe... hand of clock that points at 2:00. This is the real thing, you know. Right out of Shakespeare. Neck of bottle, tail of coat... whiskers from the billy goat. Here you are, Hazel. Repulsive. Delightfully gruesome reaction. Kids, this stuff's loaded. Oh, boy! Boy, this is fun! What in the heck is that? -Attaboy, Beelzebub! -Oh, boy! Oh, l don't believe it. Trick or treat, trick or treat Trick or treat for Halloween When the pumpkin shells cast evil spells Your little white house turns green Your little white house turns green This is too-- Every post is a ghost lf you got a witch's brew And if you want your gate to circulate Ho, ho, we can do that, too Trick or treat, trick or treat Trick or treat, trick or treat Trick or treat for Halloween When ghosts and goblins by the score Ring the bell on your front door You better not be stingy Or your nightmares will come true Now, are you going to treat...or not? Yes, ma'am. Right away. Oh, my goodness. Ghosts and goblins. l don't understand. Kids, this pigeon's a pushover. Pushover? The key. l just been a-itchin' to cast a spell on you. Hocus pocus, magic shower. Put his feet within my power. Hey, what was that stuff? Feet... Kick out that key. Yippee! Look at him dance! Oh, dance with your feet just as fast as you can Now flip 'em like a flapjack in a pan Oh, a-hoppin' and a-jumpin' like a flea on a griddle The key for the door is the key for the vittles Do-si-do, now mind the rules With your old flat feet just a-kickin' like mules Oh, promenade a-way out west That's where the cactus grows the best Now swing down south and turn on the heat Stop! Now end the dance and take your seat -Nothing to it. -Oh, yeah? Now you've made old Hazel mad. l'll cast a spell that's double grim. Smash that door down, feet... with him. Get out. No, you don't. This hurts me worse than it does you. Now take a longer start-- about a mile or two! Get ready, kids. Here he comes. l thought he'd listen to reason. Hooray for Uncle Donald. l won't do it. Come, Beelzebub. lt's nearly dawn. Dear, l mustn't be late. Goodness, me. Good-bye, kids. So when ghosts and goblins by the score Ring your bell or pound your door Better not be stingy Or your nightmares will come true Boo! Oh, boy. Somebody to scare. Boo! Halloween treats can be really spooky... like mechanical houses that act kind of kooky. So, sit back, relax, and let's take a lookie. ln a humble little house that needed some paint... lived a tired Mickey Mouse trying to sleep... but he cain't. You see, the problems were plenty... in this house that he had. The roof always creaked... and the drafts, they were bad. The furnace turned on with a clatter and clunk... making pipes sputter, steam, rattle, and plunk. With a slap and a bang, the shutters did slam. This noise, it continued ad nauseam. He rolled and he tossed under his pillow and sheets. Poor Mickey was wishing the sounds they would cease. l can't take this racket another night longer. l thought that l could, but l couldn't be wronger. He threw off his blankets and slunk to the sink. Perhaps l'll feel better after a drink. But the water came out in a way unexpected. lt sprayed from the drain in his face, misdirected. He wiped off his mug in angry defeat. That's the last straw. My decision's complete. l'm fed up with clanking, ker-slamming, and squeaking. The whistling and knocking and roof always creaking. Poor Mickey was irked-- a bit peeved, you might say. His mind was made up that he must move away. So, he gathered his things and emptied each drawer. The last thing he did was lock the front door. Then Pluto and he marched up the next street... where new houses stood all spiffy and neat. He found a nice dwelling that drew his attention... with automatic devices of the latest invention. This house is electric. Said the salesman with pride. lf you push this red button, you'll travel inside. With the flick of a switch and the pull of a lever... the house, it transformed. This is really quite clever. The design's ergonomic-- for comfort, you see. Grinned the salesman as he pushed... buttons one, two, and three. The furniture folds right into the wall. lt makes a great shortcut into the hall. This kitchen is sparkling. lt's synthetic steel. There's even a robot who can cook you a meal. But how will the floors here all stay so clean? Should dust ever settle, there's a vacuum machine. Are there shutters that bang, slap, rattle, or slam? Not a one, not a bit, not at all, my good man. l'll take this new house. Said Mickey with zeal. After escrow and closing, the contract was sealed. This newfangled house is now where l'll stay. He then thanked the salesman and sent him away. So, Mickey settled back in his modern recliner... with buttons galore. Ah, what could be finer? Whatever he wanted was his right away. With a touch of a button, he got a snack tray. His chair, it reclined and rubbed his back so... then on came some music and dimmed the lights low. Said Mickey with a yawn, as he scratched on his head... Oh, it's time for a bath, then l'll toddle to bed. He pressed the red button and rolled across the floor. His chair went upstairs through the new bathroom door. With a splash and a splunk, the brushes did clean. What a wonderful thing, this bathing machine. Special arms then conveyed him off to his bed... and tucked him in gently... then a story was read. Mickey was cozy, all snuggled up tight... but he tossed and he turned as his thoughts did excite... of buttons and switches and moveable stairs... computer controls on reclining chairs. There's so many things in this house with to play. l want to stay up. l'll just sleep in the day. He leapt from his covers and slid past the clock. He flung open the door, but discovered it blocked. There stood the robot. lts finger, it wagged. Before Mickey knew it, by the seat, he was grabbed. This just isn't right. l don't need a rest. l want to get up. Stop being a pest. Mickey scampered away... heading straight for the door... but the robot was fast and stopped him once more. Bedtime is fine, but this is my house. You're making me angry. Don't cheese off this mouse. So, he turned and he climbed out of the open window... and snuck away quietly on tippy tiptoe. But little did he think that out in the back... the robot was waiting for another attack. Enough is enough. l'll take this no more. lf you want to play rough, get ready for war. A bucket of water-- that's just the right thing. When the robot comes in, l'll pull on the string. Mickey readied his plan with his own little trap. The robot came in, and then with a snap... the bucket tipped over and water came out. lt splashed, and it soaked him completely throughout. He sparked and he fizzed, that man made of steel. He jolted and volted and began to unreel. Electricity surged in the house all about... zapping the circuits and shorting them out. Food from the fridge was flung in the air. lt splattered and spatted in the poor mouse's hair. He ducked and he dodged, but he could not escape. The jelly that hit him was cherry, not grape. Back into the bath, he was dragged very quick... and repeatedly scrubbed with a soap on a stick. All sudsy and wet, Mickey Mouse tried to flee... but the vacuum was now on a housecleaning spree. The hoses, they swung, they flailed, and they sucked. The brushes whooshed past, forcing Mickey to duck. He grabbed up a lamp and began to fight back... but right at that moment, the recliner attacked. Mechanical hands squeezed him up tight... but Mickey was valiant-- he put up a fight. When things looked their bleakest... and all hope seemed lost... Mickey picked up the chair and gave it a toss. lt hit the controls and smashed them to bits. The buttons, they flashed and flickered in fits. Mickey spotted his chance to get safely away. He snatched up his dog, and then he did say... This place is a monster, not what l'd call home. He watched that new house shake, sputter, and groan. lt fell with a crash in less than a minute. He turned to his pup and said... Glad we weren't in it. Dejected and sad, they both strode away... Mickey and Pluto, with nowhere to stay. The rays of the morning added sunlight... greeting Mickey Mouse with a warm, friendly sight. A little wood house that needed some paint. lt wasn't quite perfect, but still, it was great. Aw, we could stay here just for a while. Said Mickey to Pluto with a wry little smile. Later that night, all warm in his bed... Mickey Mouse snuggled up as sleep came to his head. The furnace, it clanked. lt rattled and shocked. The shutters flew back. They slammed, and they knocked. The wind, it did whistle, round the chimney it moaned... but Mickey didn't stir... 'cause he knew he was home. We've got our eye on you. Aw, phooey. l'll never be scary. Donald may be trying to scare everybody... but here's a story where he gets spooked himself. The following presentation... will demonstrate how to haunt the living. But before we begin, one must be... not living. The fine specimen observed here is commonly known as a ghost. Ghost? Where? -Why, you, my friend. -Me? Yes, you have just joined the ranks of the supernatural. That explains what all that racket was out there. Hey! l'm not ready to be dearly departed. Don't you worry. lt's only temporary. Just long enough for you to demonstrate... Step one-- Finding the right house... is all about location, location, location. And what better place to look than the classified ads? Let's see here. ''Creaking hardwood floors... ''fog-enshrouded breakfast nook... informal dying room. Perfect! Oh, a-hauntin' l will go A-hauntin' l will go Hi, ho, the merry-o A-hauntin' l will go Step two-- Hauntee number one is a likeable mouse... and popular American icon. Oh, gosh, l'm scared. Hauntee number two is a cow who's a real moo-ver and shaker. l'm scared, too. And finally, hauntee number three... is a hot-headed duck who's a real quack-up. Aw, phooey. Nothing scares me. l know who l'm going to pick on. Step three-- Nothing is quite creepier than the creaky front door... which opens all by itself. Here goes. Oh, automatic doors. How convenient. Having successfully creeped your intended hauntee out... you're now ready for... Step four-- With an ordinary bedsheet carefully draped over you... sneak about in a menacing manner. Hit my head! Continue this macabre dance of the dead... and watch as panic and terror wash over your victim. This method of haunting... is only made possible by the unique eyeholes... that have been cut in the sheet. Eyeholes? Now you tell me. Step five-- Everyone is afraid of the dark. Use this knowledge to your haunting advantage. Oh, this is getting silly. Step six-- Peace and quiet. A ghost has a wide array of scary sounds... with which to frighten their unwitting victim. l just don't understand it. Oh, come on. l'm tired of being a ghost. Hey, Donald, wake up. What? A ghost! But, Donald-- No! Get away! Sorry, Donald. l just wanted to tell you that l'm a ghost. And now you are, too. Why, you little-- Now, now, settle down, Donald. lt's only temporary. That's right. Just long enough to demonstrate... Begin the end... by chasing each other into the distance... then scream comically. Followed by an iris out. Everybody knows there's only one thing... to really be afraid of on Halloween... and that's ghosts-- especially when they're the Lonesome Ghosts. Aw, we don't have no fun no more. No. Nobody around here to scare. We scared 'em all away! l guess we're too good! Hey, here's an idea. Get a load of this, fellas! ''Notice. We exterminate all kinds of ghosts. Day and night service. Wise guys! Let's get 'em over here. And have some fun with them. We'll scare the pants off of 'em! -The telephone! -The telephone? Do you chase ghosts? Do we chase ghosts? Yes, ma'am--Yes, sir! l'll say we do! Well, this house is full of ghosts. Listen. Come quick. The old McShiver mansion. OK. We'll be right over. Oh, boy! A customer! -A customer! -A customer? Hey, fellas, here they come. This oughta be a cinch. Look at them! We're from the Ajax Ghost Exterminator...Company. Waah! Why don't you look where you're going? -Ghosts. -Ghosts. G-g-ghosts? We'll separate and surround them. What's the big idea? Who did that? Come out and fight like a man! You guys hear me? Come on! Fight! So... l got him! Oh, boy! Well, l'll be a son of a gun! What kind of a place is this? They can't do that to me! That's a fine how-do-you-do! l'm brave. But l'm careful. l ain't-a scared of no ghosts. For a moment, l thought it wasn't me. Somethin' wrong here. l know you. You're a ghost. They got me! They pulled a knife on me! Help, Mickey! l--l got 'em! l got all three of 'em! Help! Whoa! -Ghosts! -Ghosts! So, you can't take it, you big sissies! So, Goofy, having a spooky time? Yup! But not as spooky as the time l dressed up... in those skintight yellow leotards. Right. Hit it, Horace. Say, isn't it time for your Halloween trick? Patience, lago. Midnight nears. And now, put on your best grim grins... for this Halloween treat. Attention all listeners. Attention all listeners. Ajax, the terrible gorilla has escaped from the city zoo. Be on the lookout. This animal is a killer. That is all. Breckenridge. Uncle Donald! Where's Uncle Donald? Why, that dirty... This looks like a pretty good story, by gosh. lt's full of pictures, too. Once upon a time... ''there was a beautiful princess.'' Oh, ever so beautiful. She lived in a-- Why, you... Come on. Come on! Take it off! Take it off! Take it...off. Oh, boys! Speak to me! Attention all listeners. Remember, you can master any wild animal... by looking him straight in the eye. That is all. Breckenridge. Get out of here! Get going. Shh! Not so loud! Doggone those kids. Why can't they do something right once in a while? Attention all listeners. ln order to subdue Ajax, use tear gas. That is all. Breckenridge. Spare me, spare me! Amen. lt's midnight... and l've got a trick for Mickey Mouse. Sorry, Minnie, but we don't want... to be dull villains on Halloween. OK, everybody. Now it's time for a change of pace. Lights out! Right you are, Mickey. lt's Halloween, you know... and with just the right touch... This could be quite the place Full of wholesome, happy faces Hanging out, feeling fine Where everyone's a friend of mine lnside this evil joint Every guest gets to the point This day will live in infamy The House of Mouse is history lt's our house now lt's our house now lt's a fact you can't ignore Shut the windows, lock the doors lt's our house now Raise your mugs, you thieves and thugs Join the rabble-rousing crowd lt's our house now All the coolest cats fit in so perfectly Every evil queen gets due respect Love your work. You'll forget your troubles Put your trust in me You've had your fun, you've made your play But every rodent has his day lt's our house now, down and dirty lt's our house now, me hearty What a place for breaking bread Things are better Off with their heads! lt's our house now, what a party Join the fun with no regrets Only greedy dirty deeds are allowed Get those puppies! -Game over, Mickey. -Hit the road, Minnie! Take a hike, chickies! lt's our house now Don't bother comin' back, it's our house now Now that the House of Mouse is our house... things are going to be a little different. All right, Jafar. You've had your fun. Now l'm here to set things right... and l brought my boys. So, are you gonna get off my stage... or are we gonna have to make you? Nice try, Mickey. But you and Goofy... and especially that scaredy duck... are about to get a real fright. Hippity-hoppity Happy Halloween! Oh, Goofy! Halloween's not for eggs! lt's for candy! Hmm. Candy. There's one last house. Yep! Uncle Donald's place. Trick or treat! What a stingy grouch. We lost him! Hey, what about Uncle Donald? We gotta warn him! Boy, oh, boy, did l scare them! So, that's the trick, eh? OK, here's what we're gonna do. Oh, boy! More candy! Three young ducks have gone a-missin'. You seen this fella? No? Then try this! Wait! Ow! l can explain. Just as l suspicioned. You're under arrest, laddie! Come back, you maniac! Hold it, you bad maniac person! Wait! lt's me! Boo! Wait! lt's me! Get him! A cemetery?! Oh, no! Huey, Dewey, and Louie? Uncle Donald... You scared us... To death! Hope you liked our candy, Uncle Donald. The selfish one shall die. Oh, l'm sorry, boys. -l'll get your candy back. -All of it? Cross my heart and hope to die. Trick or treat. Where'd everyone go? l got the candy. Oh, well. Ho ho ho! Happy Halloween! Now what do we do? Step aside, boys. l'll take care of that Jafar. Gorsh, l've never seen her so mad. Whoo, l have. And now, l've saved the best for last. Listen, you! l'm giving you and all the other villains... just thirty seconds to turn this back... into the House of Mouse, starting right now! Thirty, twenty-nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven... twenty-six, twenty-five, twenty-four, twenty-three... Now let's heat things up with a twisted tale... that Mickey and Minnie will find a real scream! Roll it, Big Bad! Get 'em, Mickey. -Mickey's hat! -Oh, what do we do now? Here, use the lamp! Mickey, catch! The lamp will hold him forever! The lamp! You're the only leader of this club, Mickey. Aw, it was nothin'. Anything to make sure we have a happy Halloween. Boo! Aw, nice costume, Donald... but Goofy already beat you to it. Aw, phooey!