The Write Stuff

''[The episode begins outside Royal Woods Elementary. Rita is in Vanzilla reading her book with a cup of coffee in her hand.]'' Rita: [reading a page out loud] "'And as the footsteps grew louder, [sips her coffee] he pulled back the curtain, with a shaking hand and saw-'" Lucy: [Appears on the passenger seat] "Hi, Mom." Rita: [Startled] "Gahh! I mean, hi, sweetie. How was writing club?" Lucy: "Sigh. I'm thinking of dropping out." Rita: "Dropping out? But you were so excited to join." Lucy: "That was before I knew Principal Huggins was in charge." [Flashback to when Principal Huggins was in charge of the writing club.] Principal Huggins: "To apostrophize, or not to apostrophize, that is the question, and a complex one at that." ''[Amir thunks his head on the desk. Flashback #2.]'' "Today, I've got a fun writing assignment for you." [The students smile] "About the dangers of misusing the semicolon." ''[Amir thunks his head on the desk again. Flashback #3.]'' "Now, pay close attention, make sure you're holding the pencil at the proper angle." [Notices something and shakes his head.] "No, no, Amir, you're at least three degrees off." Lucy: "When do we get to actually write?" Principal Huggins: "Fundamentals before fun, young lady. Now, let's see your erasing technique." Lucy: "Sigh." ''[Everyone thunks their heads down on the desks. End of flashbacks.]'' Lucy: "Writing used to be my passion. Now I don't even enjoy pending a simple eulogy." Rita: [She stops Vanzilla and the tires screech.] "What is Principal Huggins thinking? Writing isn't about rules, it's about being creative! Getting inspired! Taking risks! Expressing your feelings and ideas! [The light turns green and the car behind Vanzilla honks.] Lucy: "Mom, the light's green." Rita: "Yes. I see that." [Turns Vanzilla around] "Point is, I am going to talk to your principal."

[At school, Rita is in the office, standing next to Cheryl's desk.] Cheryl: "I'm sorry, Mrs. Loud, but Principal Huggins is getting his performance review right now." [Whispers] "And between you and me and the flagpole, it is not going well." [A lady steps out of Huggins' office.] Principal Huggins: "Superintendent Chen, wait. I haven't showed you my new color-coded demerit system." Superintendent Chen: "I've seen all I need to see, Huggins. I'm giving you a rating of..." ''[Principal Huggins looks at Cheryl. Cheryl looks forward and Rita looks at Cheryl, and then Cheryl looks at Huggins, and Principal Huggins looks at Superintendent Chen.]'' "...mediocre." [Rita, Cheryl, and Principal Huggins gasp.] "Now, excuse me. I got other principals to destroy." [She leaves] Principal Huggins: [groans] "There's no pleasing that woman." Cheryl: [clears throat] "Principal Huggins, Mrs. Loud is here with some suggestions for the writin' club. She's a genuine author." Rita: "I just had a few ideas to get the kids more excited about writing." Principal Huggins: "Oh, so now my work with the writing club is mediocre, too. Well, if you're such an expert, maybe you should try running it yourself." Rita: "I would love to!" Principal Huggins: "Oh, I was being sarcastic. But then again, it would free up time for me to find ways to improve my rating." Rita: [gasps] "Thank you, Principal Huggins. I won't let you down." [leaves] Principal Huggins: "Maybe I could institute a school wide "no slouching" policy." [Cheryl gets shocked after hearing this.] ONE WEEK LATER... [Cheryl opens the door of the writing club for Rita.] Cheryl: "And here's where you can set up for this week's meetin'. Just give me a jingle if you need anything. I'm helping Principal Huggins conduct surprise posture checks." Principal Huggins: [Seen chasing Artie down the hallway.] "Dombrowski, shoulders back!" Cheryl: "Mm-hmm." [Leaves the classroom and shuts the door.] ''[Rita walks over to the desk and places her stuff on the desk. Rita sees and picks up a note from Principal Huggins.]'' Principal Huggins: "Everything you need to lead the club is in here. STICK TO THE BOOK!" Rita: "Were the all caps necessary?" [Grabs the book] "Let's see. "Common adverb errors. Noun versus pronouns." [Closes the book] "Snooze." [Opens a desk drawer, puts the book in it, and then shuts it. Just then, the door opens.] Amir: "Mrs. Loud?" Sasha: "Lucy's mom?" Lucy: "What are you doing here?" Rita: "I'm taking over the writing club for a while. Does everyone have their textbooks?" [The students open their backpacks and show Rita their textbooks.] "Great. Well, you can put them away, because we're going on a field trip!" [The students put their textbooks back in their backpacks.] Sasha: "We've never gone on a field trip." Rita: "Well, I was thinking we can venture out to find some poetic inspiration." [Leaves the classroom. The students do the same thing.]

[Later, Vanzilla arrives at Flip's Food and Fuel.] Haiku: "Flip's? What's poetic about a convenience store?" Rita: "You might be surprised. Now, I want you to take note of everything you see, smell, taste, touch, and hear." ''[Gets out four notebooks. The students grab a notebook from Rita.]'' Lucy: "Does it matter how we hold our pencils?" Rita: "Not one bit." ''[Inside Flip's, Amir opens one of the car air fresheners and gives it a whiff. He tosses it away and starts writing in his notebook.]'' Amir: "Summer rain, spring daffodil..." [sniffs again] "Pickled eggs?" [Sees Flip licking an egg, notices Amir, and grins sheepishly.] [Over at the Flippee machine...] Haiku: "Hmm..." [starts writing] "The way the sour cherry swirls into the black licorice reminds me of a sunset over the cemetery." [Hot dogs are seen cooking as the heat is sizzling, the popcorn is popping in the popcorn machine, and the nacho cheese is popping in the nacho cheese machine.] Lucy: [Begins writing] "I've heard these sounds before. But I've never really listened." [Stops writing and smiles]

[Later outside Flip's, The club is seen sitting at a table.] Amir: "Flip. His past may be murky. His tooth may be jerky. But I think he's just quirky. Flip." [The girls snap their fingers.] Rita: "Nice job, Amir." [Amir walks over to sit down.] Haiku: "Hey, does anyone have a rhyme for "Flippee"?" Lucy: "Hippy. Drippy. Mississippi." Haiku: [Writes in her notepad.] "Love." Sasha: "To the new and improved writing club." [Holds up her Flippee] Lucy, Haiku, and Amir: "To the new and improved writing club." [hold up their Flippees]

[At the Petting Zoo, The writing club is watching animals, and holding their notepads.] Rita: "Everyone, pick an animal, then try writing a story through its eyes." [A screaming goat that has hair like Lucy's bleats.] Lucy: "Yes, I sense our connection too." [Starts writing]

[At Sunset Canyon, the writing club is with Scoots.] Scoots: "Oh, why the heck would you want to hear my story?" Rita: "Every life can inspire art, Scoots." Scoots: "Humph. Sounds a little cray, but fine. I was born in a stolen ice cream truck. Mother was jonesin' for some rocky road and wasn't taking no for an answer." [The club starts writing.]

[Later, Vanzilla arrives back at the school.] Rita: "Before you guys go home, I just want to say how proud I am of the brilliant work you've been doing. You deserve a chance to show it off. So next week's field trip is an extra special one: Open mic Thursday at the Burnt Bean!" [The club gasps.] Lucy: "Gasp." Haiku: "That coffee house in the cool part of Fern Valley?" Rita: "That's right." Haiku: "College students hang out there." Rita: "Now, get out of here you creative geniuses." [Sasha, Amir, and Haiku leave Vanzilla.] Sasha: "All right!" Haiku: "This is gonna be great." Amir: "Maybe I could borrow my big brother's fedora." Lucy: "Thanks, Mom." [Hugs Rita] "For everything." ONE WEEK LATER… Rita: "Today's the day. How's everyone feeling? Nervous? Excited? Little bit of both?" Sasha: "So psyched!" Haiku: "Nervous, but zen about it." Lucy: "I'm bursting with excitement." Amir: "Is the fedora too much? Am I pulling it off?" Principal Huggins: [offscreen] "Oh, I don't think you'll be pulling any of this off." [They turn to see Huggins at the door.] Lucy, Sasha, Haiku, and Amir: "Principal Huggins!" Rita: [Nervous] "What a nice surprise." Principal Huggins: "Spare me your pleasantries, Mrs. Loud, I know all about the little field trips you've been taking behind my back." Rita: "Oh, well, I just wanted to show the kids that writing can be fun." Principal Huggins: "No, no, fundamentals before fun! It's all in the book I gave you, which seems to have gone missing." Rita: "I'm sorry." [Gets the book from the drawer.] "I just found the material a bit dry." Principal Huggins: "I don't believe I asked you for your review. From now on, you will follow said material and keep students in the classroom." Rita: "But Principal Huggins, the kids are so excited about the open mic. Can't I at least take them to that?" Principal Huggins: "Not if you wish to remain in charge of the writing club." Rita: "But, but--." Amir: "It's okay, Mrs. Loud, we don't have to go." Sasha: "We don't wanna lose you." Principal Huggins: "May I recommend starting on page 40? There's a neat little lesson about plural possessives." [Goes to sit down on a chair.] ''[The kids look upset. Rita also looks upset. Later on...]'' Rita: [Reads the book with very little enthusiasm.] "Unless the surname ends in an E-S." [Yawns] "In which case, the proceeding rule does not apply." [The students thunk their heads down on the desks once again.] "You see, Principal Huggins? This is exactly what I… [Realizes Principal Huggins is asleep. She looks out the window and sees Vanzilla, which gives her an idea. She writes a note and folds it into a paper airplane that hits Lucy's head. Lucy puts her head up and sees the note.] Lucy: "Let's get outta here!" [Rita gives a signal at Lucy and Lucy cracks a smile. Rita gets the students out the window to escape the classroom. She then looks over to Principal Huggins.] Principal Huggins: [Snores] "Mediocre..." [Continues snoring. Rita climbs out the window and gets in Vanzilla with the students and off they go for the Burnt Bean.] Coffee Store Manager: "Okay, okay, everybody. Let's give it up for Bud Grouse and his poem "My yard, My property." Okay, last call for any more performers in the house." Rita: [Opens the door] "Yes! There's a whole van load of talented young writers right here." Coffee Store Manager: "Oh, okay, cool. Alright then, come on up!" Rita: "This is it, guys, have fun." Sasha: "Whoo hoo!" Amir: "I'm so glad I have my hat." [Suddenly, Principal Huggins' golf cart honks.] Lucy: "What's that?" [The club looks out the windows to see Principal Huggins has arrived and is not happy.] Amir: "It's Principal Huggins! He found us!" [Principal Huggins looks at the windows.] Rita: "Don't worry. I'll take care of him. Just get up there and perform." [Rita looks out the window. As Principal Huggins gets out of his golf cart, a security guy appears.] Mustache Guy: "Sorry sir, this is a no golf cart zone." Principal Huggins: "No golf cart zone? I've never heard of anything like that." Mustache Guy: [Taps Principal Huggins] "Listen, bro, unless you're the kind of guy who isn't into following rules..." Principal Huggins: "Oh, no, no, I love rules." Mustache Guy: "Well, great. There's a golf cart parking fifty blocks that way." [Points out said direction] Principal Huggins: "Fifty blocks?" Mustache Guy: "Uh, yep." [Principal Higgins drives away.] Rita: [Opens the door] "Thank you, sir." [Hands him the money] Mustache Guy: "Oh, sure. No problem, lady." [Rita goes back inside to watch the writing club perform.] Lucy: "The hot dogs sizzle, the nachos cheese goes plop, in the snack aisle at Flip's, the symphony never stops. Thank you." Coffee Store Manager: [Snaps fingers as well as everyone else.] "Alright. Let's hear it." [The students take a bow.] Rita: "Whoo! So proud of you, guys." Principal Huggins: [Bursts though the door] "You!" Rita: "Dang it." Principal Huggins: [Walks towards Rita] "Did you really think you would get away with this?" Rita: [Sighs] "No. I knew I wouldn't. But I had to let these kids share the work their so passionate about, even if it meant getting fired from the club." Principal Huggins: "That's exactly what it means. You're out, and Huggins is back in. You hear that, kids? I'm in charge." Superintendent Chen: [offscreen] "Are you indeed?" Principal Huggins: "Superintendent Chen. I can explain what these kids are doing in such a seedy establishment... for which you have a T-shirt and a frequent customer mug." Superintendent Chen: "Huggins, I'm impressed. I don't know what you've been doing in that writing club, but you've clearly inspired these kids." [Huggins grows shocked to hear that.] "You know what? I'm going to improve your rating from mediocre..." [Huggins looks at Rita and the manager while they look at the kids and Rita and the manager look back at Huggins and he looks at Superintendent Chen.] "...to above average." Principal Huggins: "Above average? Me?" Superintendent Chen: "You've earned it." Principal Huggins: [Looks at Rita] "Actually, I haven't. This is the woman to whom all credit belongs." Superintendent Chen: "Really?" [Shakes Rita's hand] "Well done, madam." Rita: "Thank you, but, you know, uh, Principal Huggins deserves credit, too. He's given the students a very thorough education in the fundamentals, which are just as important as the fun." Superintendent Chen: "Well, sounds like you two should run the club together." Rita & Principal Huggins: "Together?" Superintendent Chen: [Starts walking away] "Something to think about." [The two smile at each other, liking the idea.]

[Later, the writing club is on a plane with Principal Huggins reading about gerunds out loud.] Principal Huggins: "Alright, students, can anyone tell me what a gerund is?" Sasha: "A verb that acts like a noun." Lucy: "Always ending in "ing"." Principal Huggins: "Excellent." [Puts his helmet on] "Now let's practice writing them. Take it away, Mrs. Loud." Rita: "Roger." ''[Starts the plane. The plane then goes fast and take to the skies.]'' Amir: "Wow, Lucy! Your mom can write, perform root canals, and fly a plane?" Rita: "Alright, who's got a gerund?" Sasha: "Ooh, I do! How about "flying"?" Rita: "Nice! Let's write!" [The plane writes down the word "flying" in the sky.] Sasha: "Whoo!" Haiku: "Woo-hoo, I love writing." Amir: "Soaring!" Rita: "Good one." Haiku: "Hurtling?" As in toward the Earth?" Rita: "Like this? All great examples. How about a gerund from Principal Huggins?" Principal Huggins: [Starts to feel airsick and vomits.] "Retching!" [The plane writes down "The end" in the sky.]