The Black Widow

Hey, Mr. Duck, you wanna play? - What are you doing out of school? - It's spring break. - Spring break? - We get a week off from school. You're never in school. How do you learn anything? You get a week off at Christmas, three months off for the summer and now you're on spring break? Huh. No wonder Canada's killing us these days. - Sodo you wanna play? - No, I do not want to play. I'm a grown up. Grown ups do not play. Hmmph! Hey, Bugs. You wanna play? jasonnguyen2606 Season 2 Episode 15 - "The Black Widow" You wanna go to Acapulco? - What? - Acapulco! A week of fun in the sun on the Mexican Riviera! - What are you talking about? - Spring break. - Spring break is for students. - What? Students are the only ones who need to cut loose and let it all hang out? I have a very stressful life. I need spring break. Forget it, I'll find someone else to go with me. Someone fun. Someone who knows how to party. I'm tellin' ya, you're gonna end up in a Mexican jail. DAFFY: Thanks, grandpa. I'll send you a postcard. - Good evening. - Ehh - Why are you so dressed up? - Duh, it's movie night. Yeah. Hang out and watch a movie. Oh! I thought we were gonna be in a movie. Oh, I wish I knew that before I memorized all these lines. Just take a week off from work. Tina, you need spring break more than anyone. It is not just for students! Bugs, Speedy, Yosemite, Granny, Foghorn, Taz, Tina That's everyone. I don't have any other friends. - Hey, Porky. - What ya doin'? Trying to find someone to go on spring break with me. Ooh, I'll go! Oh, you know who I didn't try? That guy who works at the post office. I gotta go. What's the name of this movie again? "The Black Widow. " - Ok, is that guy a good guy or a bad guy? - Lola, the movie's barely started and you've already asked a hundred questions. All right, here's what we're gonna do, you get three more questions, that's it. WOMAN: Oh, there's a subject? - I thought you were just wasting my time. - Who's the Black Widow? - She is. - Why is she called the Black Widow? You're using up your questions awful fast. Look, she's a jewel thief and she always leaves behind a calling card with a spider on it so they call her "the Black Widow". - Then who is - This is your last question. - I have to know! - Fine. - Who is the Black Widow? - You already asked that! - It's her. - Oh! No, it's not. It's that guy. The detective! - What? - He's in love with her so he pretends to be the Black Widow to protect her - and in the end, he goes to jail for her. - How do you know all this? Uh, "The Black Widow" is my favorite movie. I've seen it a hundred times. I've memorized all the dialogue. "Ma'am, I'm afraid we're gonna have to ask you some questions. " "What are you afraid of? I won't bite. " "What do you know about the break-in at the museum?" "What are you implying, detective?" No, I don't think it's weird to invite my plumber on spring break. Well, then, you can forget about ever fixing my toilet again. And I put a lot of weird stuff down there. Well, that's it. I don't know anyone else. - What is it, Porky? - Just seeing if you found anyone to go with you on spring break. - Why, do you know someone? - Um, me! Huh. Yeah, ok. PORKY: Ha ha! Yay! Unless the guy at the Chinese restaurant calls me back. Then you're out. - You remember to bring your swimsuit? - Yep. 'Cause we're gonna do a lot of hanging out by the pool. You got sunscreen? You look like you burn easy. Oh-oh, baby, this is gonna be big. This spring break is gonna be epic! We're going for it, Porky. We're not holding back. We're not going to bed early or sitting this one out or counting calories. We are going hog wild! No offense. What? I think I left the iron on. At home! I think I left it on. It could start a fire! Porky, please. You didn't leave the iron on. That's the stress talking. That's exactly why we're going down to Mexico to let it all go. PILOT : Ladies and gentlemen, we may experience a little turbulence ahead so I've turned on the fasten seatbelt sign. Aren't you gonna buckle your seatbelt? I'm on spring break, man. I don't have to play by the rules. Whoa! Ow. Daffy! Oh, wait, he's gone. He's gone all week! That's seven glorious days without a crazy person in my life. Bugs! I need your help! It's like it just disappeared! I mean, I had it on when I left here - and then when I got home, it was gone! - What are you talking about? My mom's diamond bracelet. The one I was wearing last night, it's gone! Oh, I don't know what I'm gonna do! - Have you looked everywhere? - Yes, everywhere! Well, I'm afraid you're gonna have to tell your mom you lost it. I can't! I borrowed it without asking. Oh, boy. Well, then I hate to say it but, uh I think you're gonna have to face the music. You're right. Ahh, Mexico, the Pearl of the Orient. I just thought of something. I think I left the oven on. What are you talking about? This morning before I left, I made biscuits and I think I forgot to turn off the oven. It could start a fire! First of all, who makes biscuits before they leave town for a week? And second of all, stop worrying. We're on spring break. Let's just get on the bus and forget all our troubles. Acapulco, here we come! Oh, that was such a good night's sleep. It's a shame spring break's only a week. I could really get used to the peace and quiet. Bugs! I need your help. It's gone! Snatched from my own home. I feel so violated, so exposed. What are you talking about? Patricia's diamond bracelet. It's been stolen! It wasn't stolen. I mean, uh, what makes you think it was stolen? Because the thief left this behind. The Black Widow. - You have to help me. - Me?! Well, I can't call the police! They'd alert Patricia and I can't have her know it's missing. It would break her heart. Do you have any ideas to how we could catch the Black Widow? Uh I think I might. You said you were gonna face the music. I did. I have been listening to this for like six hours. What? Am I facing the wrong way? Really? The Black Widow? I panicked! I needed to buy sometime while I look for the bracelet. Ok. We have to retrace your steps from that night. Now where did you go after you left my house? I told you, I went straight home. No, wait! I didn't go straight home. I stopped for frozen yogurt! Great. You probably lost it at the frozen yogurt place. Well, not necessarily. Because while I was eating the frozen yogurt I got a massive brain freeze, so I drove myself to the hospital. Hmm. Then maybe it's at the hospital. No, I never made it to the hospital. I got lost. Turns out you can't drive somewhere with your eyes shut. When I opened my eyes, I was parked in front of a 24 hour spray tanning salon so I went in and got the mega bronzer total body special! So it could be at the tanning salon. Well, unless it's at the shooting range. I was on such a sugar rush from the fro-yo that I thought I have to shoot something. So I shot a round of skeet at Randy's all night gun club. - Did you ever go home? - Yes! - Right after I went night swimming. - Night swimming? Oh, it was freezing cold and terrifying. I probably will never do it again. So it could be at the bottom of a lake. Or the other places I mentioned. But yes, the bottom of the lake is a distinct possibility. We've been on this bus for nine hours. When are we gonna be in Acapulco? You see, we're here. Porky, you gotta chill out. Maybe trust me for once in your life. Where's the beach? I'll ask this guy. Excuse me, can you tell me where the beach is? The beach? - Acapulco. - Acapulco? This isn't Acapulco. This is Tacapulco. Wait! Wait! Don'tdon't worry. The bus will be back. In a week. Did you find it? No. And thanks for helping. Well, I'm not gonna ruin another spray tan. We've looked everywhere. The bracelet's gone. - You gotta come clean. - You're right. The Hillhurst diamond has been stolen. Left in its place, a calling card from the thief who goes by the name "The Black Widow. " Police are investigating while security at the museum has been tightened in case the black widow attempts to strike again. Why did you steal the Hillhurst diamond? - I thought you were gonna come clean! - I did. I took like a two hour shower. I mean, my spray tan's completely gone. Bugs, the Black Widow wouldn't just steal a bracelet. The Black Widow is insatiable. She couldn't resist a famous diamond on display at the local museum. Sure, she knows she'll be caught in the end, but the Black Widow can't resist the thrill. She wants to be stopped, but who can stop the Black Widow? There is no Black Widow! It's a movie! Ohh. Right. - You gotta put it back. - How? Now that there's been a break in, security will be too tight. I'll never be able to do it alone. You need to help me, detective. You need to stop watching that movie. PORKY: Oh, dear. DAFFY: What? I think I left my curling iron on. Curling iron? You don't have any hair. It's for my tail. Sometimes I forget to turn it off. And it says very clearly on the side, "Do not leave unattended. " It's unattended! It could start a fire! You are bumming me out, Porky! Now listen, we may be in the middle of nowhere but I am determined to make this spring break epic. We gotta do something crazy, man. All right, let me think, let me think here. I got it! What if we attach a million balloons to that donkey? And just watch him fly away. Where would we get a million balloons? Ok, good point. I got it! Maybe we roll him around in maple syrup and stick a bunch of newspapers to him. Where are we gonna get the syrup? Or the newspapers? You know, it's real easy to be the guy who points out the problem. I need the guy who points out the solution. Ahh, I can't think. It's too hot. That's it. PORKY: I don't know if this is such a good idea. Porky, streaking is one of the ultimate spring break pranks. So we're really doing this? Oh, we are doing this. On the count of three Whoo-hoo! We're on spring break! We're crazy! Whoo! Yeah! Yeah! We're crazy! Look at us! Check it out! Whoo! What is a matter with you people?! Don't you get it? We're streaking! We are completely naked! Jail?! For streaking? It's spring break! It's what you do. Maybe we should have done something to that donkey. The Rothwell Gallery is here, just off the museum lobby. Now, because of the increased security, we won't be able to enter through the air ducts like I did when I took the diamond. Instead, we'll have to make an aerial assault. Once we land on the roof, we use a glass cutter to carefully remove a section of the sky light directly over the Rothwell Gallery. At 11:00, the guard begins his rounds. At 11:03, he makes his way to the Egyptian wing. And that's when we'll lower ourselves towards the gallery floor. Once we're there, I'll place the Hillhurst diamond back on her pedestal while you remove the surveillance tape from the security office. Then we'll climb back up the rope, and we're home free. - Lola. - What?! What is this on your ankle? My mom's diamond bracelet! Now I remember. Before I went to bed that night I wanted to see what it would look like as an anklet. I didn't lose it. I was wearing it the whole time. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Porky, it's fine. We'll get out. No, it's not that. - I think I left my curtains open. - So what? Well, on my desk is an antique magnifying glass. If the sun's rays were to pass through the magnifying glass just so the papers on my desk could ignite starting a fire that could burn down my entire house! Man, I wish that guy from the Chinese restaurant had called me back. MAN: You're couldn't rot in this jail for the rest of your miserable lives! But first you get one phone call. Take it. It's heavy! Typical Bugs. Probably has his ringer off. Bugs! Whoa! Oof! How you doin'? - Can I try someone else? - Sure. Why not? Who is calling so late? Speedy, it's Daffy. You're never gonna believe this. - You're in a Mexican jail. - How'd you know? Where in Mexico are you? Tacapulco. It's in the middle of nowhere. You've probably never heard of it, but let me tell you something, it's I used to live here. Where's the sheriff? Speedy Gonzales. Slowpoke Rodriguez. - Cousin! - Cousin! It's so good to see you! How have you been? How's Lucinda and the babies? They're not babies anymore. Oscar is seven and Pepito is four. - Ay, ay, ay! It's been too long. DAFFY: Ahem. So, uh, does this mean we're free to go? You're not going anywhere until we have a fiesta! He's not just the fastest mouse in all of Mexico he's also a successful restaurateur! Tell them. Ay, no, it's not that big a deal. It's just a pizza place. Ohh! Psst, Porky. This is gonna be epic. Ohh! Call Dr. Weisberg! POLICE OFFICER: Bugs Bunny? You're free to go. See you guys later. Well, probably not. Bun bun! So, you finally let the cat out of the bag. Oh, right! Thank you. Yahhh! Lola confessed everything. She told you she's the Black Widow? What? Ha ha! No! She said you took the bracelet to have one made just like it to give to Lola as a surprise so that she and her mother could have matching bracelets. And that you took the Hillhurst diamond to throw us off your trail and buy yourself more time, but then you returned it because it was the right thing to do. I would have done the exact same thing. You know what, Daffy? I'm really glad you asked me to go with you on spring break. Ahh. I did need to cut loose. I can't believe I was worried about an open curtain. jasonnguyen2606 Come to Tacapulco. It's like Acapulco but much worse.