The Mustache


 * Bowls, check! Spoons, check! Cereal, check -- oh.
 * Ugh! So breath-taking opening... It looks so simple on TV.
 * Aww, man. I really don't want to go to school today.
 * Me neither.
 * Let's not go!
 * You can do that?
 * Sure! Hey, dad?
 * Yes?
 * We really don't want to go to school today.
 * What? Are you sick?
 * Nah, we're not just up for it.
 * Yeah! School is boring.
 * But you have to go to school. You're kids! It's what you do!
 * and : Awww...
 * Ooh, mailman! Woohoo!
 * Agh, I wish we were grown ups like dad, then we never have to go to school, and nobody would tell us what to do, we could drive trucks, stay up all night, vote.
 * and :  Vote...
 * Ahh! Finally!
 * What's that?
 * Why, according to the fifth amendment, I don't have to answer that without my lawyer present!
 * Right... Anyway, about school.
 * Oh, yeah. You're kids, so you do what Mom tells me to tell you to do.
 * Agh, being a kid is wretched lame.
 * You should be happy to be young! Before you know it, you'll be overweight, unattractive, bald and... middle-aged!
 * Go take your breakfast! I don't want you to see me like this!
 * What's his problem?
 * Nuhh, you never know with that guy. C'mon, let's have breakfast.
 * Oh, yeah. You're kids, so you do what Mom tells me to tell you to do.
 * Agh, being a kid is wretched lame.
 * You should be happy to be young! Before you know it, you'll be overweight, unattractive, bald and... middle-aged!
 * Go take your breakfast! I don't want you to see me like this!
 * What's his problem?
 * Nuhh, you never know with that guy. C'mon, let's have breakfast.
 * What's his problem?
 * Nuhh, you never know with that guy. C'mon, let's have breakfast.

The Shooting Star

 * Man, what a pile of beans.
 * Dude! Watch your language, you'll get us in trouble!
 * Well, I'm sorry, Darwin, but it is. It's a big steaming pile of beans.
 * Gumball, look! A shooting star!
 * This is our chance... Make a wish!
 * I wish I were a grown up.
 * Me, too.
 * Ngh, they don't work at all!
 * Oww!
 * Faker!
 * Rrr, darn kids! What do you all think you're doing?
 * Oww!
 * Faker!
 * Rrr, darn kids! What do you all think you're doing?
 * Rrr, darn kids! What do you all think you're doing?

Transformations of the Human Body

 * Today's lesson will be about the transformations of the human body.
 * As you get older, hormones begin to change your appearance.
 * Here. It's me as an adult, talking to my secretary over the intercom.
 * It's me voting.
 * Awesome.
 * Passing notes, are we?
 * No, Mrs. Simian.
 * Well then, what's this?
 * Uh, that's us as adults?
 * I guess you're on topic then. Anyway, pimples --
 * Eww!
 * SILENCE!  Actually, it's pretty gross, you may continue.
 * Eww!
 * Pimples or acne. Intent to pop up at the same time.
 * Dude, what's that on your face?
 * What, what?
 * That.
 * WHAT?!
 * It looks like a greasy yellow egg. No, no, actually its more like a small volcano with a sweaty golf ball.
 * DO SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING!
 * Ok hold on, let me just um...
 * I think we need more little hats.
 * UGHHHHHHHH!
 * Relax dude!
 * That's easy for you to say, why don't you have any?
 * Hm... Just lucky, I guess.
 * AHHHHHH!
 * AHHHHHHHHH!
 * I think that's all of them.
 * Ugh, what's happening to us?
 * I think we caught the plague.
 * You have any other symptoms?
 * My top lip feels a little silky.
 * Next comes the appearance of hair on the body and face.
 * Hahaha, dude you look like an undercover cop, ha ha.
 * Stop laughing, do something!
 * Ok. I see mom do this all the time. And dad, on one occasion.
 * Hmm, that's feels so much bet-AHHHHHHHHH!
 * AHHHHHHHH!
 * Don't worry, dude.
 * I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you! You look like a baby werewolf!
 * NOOOOOOOOO, NOT ME, IT WAS BETTER WHEN IT WAS JUST YOU!
 * Um guys, I don't mean to interrupt, but this is the girls' toilet.
 * Uh ya sorry! We got to sort this out, start chewing!
 * Hahaha, dude you look like an undercover cop, ha ha.
 * Stop laughing, do something!
 * Ok. I see mom do this all the time. And dad, on one occasion.
 * Hmm, that's feels so much bet-AHHHHHHHHH!
 * AHHHHHHHH!
 * Don't worry, dude.
 * I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you! You look like a baby werewolf!
 * NOOOOOOOOO, NOT ME, IT WAS BETTER WHEN IT WAS JUST YOU!
 * Um guys, I don't mean to interrupt, but this is the girls' toilet.
 * Uh ya sorry! We got to sort this out, start chewing!
 * NOOOOOOOOO, NOT ME, IT WAS BETTER WHEN IT WAS JUST YOU!
 * Um guys, I don't mean to interrupt, but this is the girls' toilet.
 * Uh ya sorry! We got to sort this out, start chewing!

Into Grown Men

 * Ok settle down, everyone get into your teams for dodge ball.
 * Oh no, not dodge ball.
 * You're going down. You get the idea.
 * Please not above the shoulders --
 * The ear --
 * My ankle --
 * A BOWLING BALL?!
 * Catch!
 * ENOUGH!
 * Oh.
 * AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
 * AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
 * and : AHHHHHHHHHHH!  AHHHHH, AHHHHHHHHHHH!
 * This is horrible! We're monsters!
 * No you're not, its just a part of life.
 * Are you saying we're grown ups now?
 * Apparently so.
 * Did you hear that, that shooting star worked.
 * Now get back to class!
 * and : Alright Miss Simian.  Wait a minute, we don't have to listen to you anymore, because  WE'RE MEN!
 * AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
 * AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
 * and : AHHHHHHHHHHH!  AHHHHH, AHHHHHHHHHHH!
 * This is horrible! We're monsters!
 * No you're not, its just a part of life.
 * Are you saying we're grown ups now?
 * Apparently so.
 * Did you hear that, that shooting star worked.
 * Now get back to class!
 * and : Alright Miss Simian.  Wait a minute, we don't have to listen to you anymore, because  WE'RE MEN!
 * and : Alright Miss Simian.  Wait a minute, we don't have to listen to you anymore, because  WE'RE MEN!

Because We're Men

 * (Song: Because We're Men)
 * ♫ We're gonna test drive a car, ♫
 * ♫ and say we need a little time to think about it, ♫
 * ♫ because we're men! ♫
 * ♫ We're gonna pay more for the movies, ♫
 * ♫ chop down trees, ♫
 * ♫ and eat a lot of meat, ♫
 * ♫ because we're men! ♫
 * ♫ And we can have our own kids, ♫
 * ♫ but we're gonna wait until we meet the right person because it's an important decision ♫
 * ♫ But in the mean time, we can barbecue ♫
 * ♫ buy power tools ♫
 * ♫ get tattoos, ♫
 * ♫ buy our own shoooes!♫
 * Oh wait, no we can't. We don't have any money.
 * and : Let's get jobs!
 * and : Let's get jobs!

Getting a Job

 * Well, as far as I can see from your--
 * --résumé, you've absolutely no qualifications whatsoever. Do you have any applicable skills?
 * Well, I can do this!
 * Look, for the third time Mr. Watterson, rolling your stomach is not a valuable skill in the work environment.
 * Oh oh oh, I'm sorry, point taken.
 * Good. Okay, so looking at your track reco--
 * Huh? Oh oh oh I see, sorry.
 * Look, right now I need you to give me a valid reason why I should even consider giving either of you a job.
 * Well, I could touch my nose with my tongue.
 * That's not a skill. This is!
 * You guys want a job? WELL YOU CAN HAVE MINE! I QUIT!
 * GOOD LUCK!
 * and : Yay!
 * What do people with jobs do?
 * I dunno. Hiring and firing?
 * Cool! Well, you're hired!
 * So are you!
 * ...What now?
 * I guess we should do some firing?
 * and : You're fired!
 * and : You're fired!
 * and : You're fired!
 * and : You're fired!
 * And you're fired!
 * Hey, why are you firing me for?
 * It's what I do.
 * Well, you're fired!
 * You can't fire me! I just fired you!
 * Alright, quickly, hire me again.
 * Okay, you're hired.
 * and : ...You're fired!!
 * And you're fired!
 * Hey, why are you firing me for?
 * It's what I do.
 * Well, you're fired!
 * You can't fire me! I just fired you!
 * Alright, quickly, hire me again.
 * Okay, you're hired.
 * and : ...You're fired!!

I Wish We Were Kids Again

 * Arr, I can't believe we lost our jobs.
 * So this is being an adult huh?
 * No money.
 * No job.
 * Crumbly apartment.
 * and : RENT OVERDUE!
 * And this-- --is our last piece of food.
 * And I think we should share it!
 * Sorry, what was that?
 * I can't believe you ate our last piece of candy!
 * Well I can't believe I'm stuck here with YOU!
 * I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE BOTH YELLING!
 * I KNOW, WE'RE TRYING TO HIDE FROM THE LANDLORD!
 * LETS BE QUIET THEN!
 * OKAY!
 * I wish we were kids again.
 * Me too.
 * I'll be in my room.
 * Me too.
 * and :
 * and :
 * Someone's coming!
 * Oh no, it's the landlord!
 * What are we gonna do?
 * I DON'T KNOW!
 * AHHHH!
 * Please don't hurt us!
 * You can take anything you want!
 * Guys... ...it's me! Your sister!
 * Dude, you look like a Mexican wrestler.
 * I'm not a man, and neither are you! I think I know what happened. Follow me!
 * AHHHH!
 * Please don't hurt us!
 * You can take anything you want!
 * Guys... ...it's me! Your sister!
 * Dude, you look like a Mexican wrestler.
 * I'm not a man, and neither are you! I think I know what happened. Follow me!
 * I'm not a man, and neither are you! I think I know what happened. Follow me!

Being kids again

 * Come on, come on. Stay up, stay up! Yes!  No! Now come on! Fight! Fight fat!
 * Richard--
 * -what are you doing?
 * I'm getting old. It's like you always say, "We grow up so fat".
 * Fast, Richard. And I was talking about the children.
 * Oh, don't talk to me about those rosy cheeked, baby faced, HAIRY MUTANTS!
 * , and : Hi.
 * What's happened to my babies?
 * It's okay, mom. I think it was these that turned us into men.
 * Ah! You've found my supplements! But they're empty..
 * Can someone please tell me what's going on?
 * Sure! At breakfast, dad left with the cereal box. So we ate his supplements by mistake!
 * Ahh, I think I know what happened!
 * Yeah, I just told ya.
 * Richard, why on earth were you buying those supplements?
 * I couldn't help myself. It's the Internet's fault! Every time I opened my e-mails, this is what I get!
 * Are you too fat?
 * Yes?
 * Are you too bald?
 * Maybe?
 * Are you really the man she deserves?
 * NO!
 * So that's where all the laptops went.
 * It was a moment of weakness. And I crumbled, Nicole. I CRUMBLED!
 * Oh honey, you didn't need those pills. I love you just the way you are!
 * , and : So do we, dad!
 * Really? Oh, come here my little-
 * -body.. builders!
 * So, are we gonna be like this forever?
 * Oh, it says on the box that the effect wears off after a week.
 * Hmm, at least that pyramid scheme will be more reliable.
 * Anyway, now that this is all cleared up, lets all get out the house and have some fun!
 * ,, and : Yay!
 * Higher, higher!
 * They grow up so fast!
 * Ahh, our precious moment--
 * Anyway, now that this is all cleared up, lets all get out the house and have some fun!
 * ,, and : Yay!
 * Higher, higher!
 * They grow up so fast!
 * Ahh, our precious moment--
 * Ahh, our precious moment--