The Sales Call Sublimation


 * (tool whirring)
 * Bernadette: Boy, when was the last time Stuart cleaned this place?
 * Howard: No kidding. Oh, okay, I'm about to suck something up. What do you think this object sounds like?
 * Bernadette: (she is so very cross) Howie, I don't want to play Lego, Toenail or Pill anymore. So, what do you think we should do with this room?
 * Howard: Well, I was thinking a home theater or a gaming room-- you know, like a man cave.
 * Bernadette: Why can't it be a woman cave?
 * Howard: As long as it has a home theater, a video game system and you're not allowed in it, you can call it whatever you want.
 * Bernadette: I'm being serious.
 * Howard: Well, what do you think we should do?
 * Bernadette: I don't know, maybe a home office or... Oh. Look. The teddy bear Stuart won the night we took him to the fair.
 * Howard: (chuckles) Oh. He was so excited.
 * Bernadette: Yeah. You know, no matter how hard they tried, they could not guess his age. I'll give it to him next time I see him.
 * Bernadette: Have you heard from him since he left?
 * Howard: No. You'd think he would've called once he got settled in.
 * Bernadette: Hmm. Maybe he's busy.
 * Howard: Too busy to call? He wasn't too busy to binge-watch Hot in Cleveland with my Hulu password. What is happening? Are we missing him?
 * Bernadette: No, that's not what this feeling is. Is it?
 * Howard: Of course not. He drove us crazy. Like when you were gonna make that pie and Stuart ate all the blueberries. (scoffs)
 * Bernadette: And he tried to deny it, but his teeth were all purple.
 * Howard: That was pretty cute. (chuckles)
 * Bernadette: Yeah. Ew, we are missing him!


 * Howard: You know, once we get the house back to ourselves, we can be romantic in any room we want.
 * Bernadette: Great. I can finally show you where the laundry room is.
 * Stuart: Boy, who would've thought when you asked me to move in and help take care of your mom, I'd still be here two years later?
 * Howard: No one.
 * Bernadette: Nobody thought that.
 * Stuart: Well, that's it.
 * Bernadette: I guess so.
 * Stuart: This is weird. (chuckles)
 * Howard: Yeah. A grown man moving into his own apartment. Crazy times. See ya!
 * Bernadette: Ignore him. He's just using humor to express how... happy he is.
 * Stuart: It's okay. I know he loves me.
 * Bernadette: Sure he does. Well, let us know when you're all settled in.
 * Stuart: I will. And I really can't thank you guys enough.
 * (engine starts)
 * Bernadette: Our pleasure.
 * Stuart: Bye.
 * Bernadette: Good luck.
 * Howard: He's gone! Let's start in the garage!


 * Sheldon: Enjoy the neurobiology conference.
 * Amy: I will. I wish you were here.
 * Sheldon: At a neurobiology conference? What a mean thing to say.
 * Amy: Okay, I'm glad you’re not here?
 * Sheldon: Ah, you always know what to say after I tell you what to say.


 * Leonard: Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.
 * Dr. Gallo: Ah, it’s my pleasure. I’m curious. Are you related to Dr. Beverly Hofstadter?
 * Leonard: Uh, she’s my mother. You know her?
 * Dr. Gallo: No, not personally, but I have read all of her books.
 * Leonard: Well then, you know her better than I do.
 * Dr. Gallo: Well, I’m not so sure about that. But I can tell you that I do not agree with her theories on child rearing at all.
 * Leonard: Really? Any chance you find them old, cruel and unsuitable for innocent little boys who want to be happy?
 * Dr. Gallo: Well. I didn’t want to say it…
 * Leonard: No, no. Say it. Sing it. Rent a plane and write it in the sky.
 * Dr. Gallo: Sounds like your holding on to quite a bit of anger toward her.
 * Leonard: On, no I’ve worked through a lot of stuff. I’m better now.
 * Dr. Gallo: Mm, good for you.
 * Leonard: Do you know she never let me celebrate my birthday because being born was her achievement, not mine.
 * Dr. Gallo: That’s heart-breaking.
 * Leonard: Right. To this day, I send her a card every year with a little money in it.


 * Penny: Do you have any questions?
 * Dr. Gallo: Just one.
 * Penny: Um.
 * Dr. Gallo: When you made husband pretend to be a patient so you could get access to me, what were you thinking there?
 * Penny: I was just meant a question talking about the drug.
 * Dr. Gallo: Yeah, I know what you meant. Let’s put that aside for a minute and talk about why you married Leonard.
 * Penny: I don’t wanna.
 * Dr. Gallo: Here is a man raised by an overbearing mother who completely dominated every aspect of his formative years. Do you think he is perpetuating that relationship by seeking out a partner like you?
 * Penny: You know I used to wear tank tops a lot; that was a big selling point.


 * Amy: Hi, Sheldon. What’s up?
 * Sheldon: Good news. You’re an asteroid.
 * Amy: Um, please tell me what to say next.
 * Sheldon: Perhaps I should explain. While working with Koothrappali, we discovered an asteroid and I named it after you.
 * Amy: Oh! Sheldon, thank you. That’s so romantic. But what about Rajesh? He was okay with you choosing the name?
 * Sheldon: Oh, it took a little negotiating. Uh, we get the asteroid, but if you and I have any children, they all have to be named Rajesh.
 * Amy: All of them?
 * Sheldon: Even the girls.
 * Amy: Okay, I think I know what to say now.


 * Penny: How can I not sound like his mother when our entire bedroom is filled with Star Wars toys? I mean, have you ever had sex with a stuffed Wookie watching you?
 * Dr. Gallo: I went to college in the seventies, it was a hairier time. I’m gonna say yes.
 * Penny: If anything, he’s turning me into his mother. Before I did pharmaceutical sales, I was an actress. You know, I was pretty good. You know girl-next-door type, but hot. Doable.
 * Dr. Gallo: Hmmm.
 * Penny: Not only am I Leonard’s mother, but we have this man-child living with us named Sheldon.
 * Dr. Gallo: Okay, Leonard talked a lot about him. I wasn’t sure he was real.
 * Penny: Yeah, he’ as real as the fines I get when I use too much toilet paper.
 * Dr. Gallo: Wow, you have a lot on your plate.
 * Penny: I do. You know, Leonard’s right. You know, talking to you is really helping.
 * Dr. Gallo: Oh, I’m glad. You know, you might also benefit from a prescription for anxiety.
 * Penny: Okay, if you think it’ll help. Oh, just don’t make it Placinix. I don’t need sudden fits of homicidal rage.