For Sale, Cheap

00:00:02	! van! 00:00:05	[Horn honks] mom, the bus is here. 00:00:08	Ok. here's 5 bucks. oh, wait a minute. 00:00:11	love you, love you. 00:00:15	Mwah! mwah! mwah! 00:00:16	Hi, jake. bye, jake. hey, reba. 00:00:19	Bye, brock. 00:00:20	Heh heh! 00:00:20	grab some peanut butter and start painting bread. 00:00:23	But--but jake just left. 00:00:24	It's not for today. it's for tomorrow. 00:00:27	I don't have time tonight because I gotta go to that dumb meeting about jake's school auction. 00:00:32	I wanted to talk to you about that. 00:00:33	I don't need talk. I need a co-chairman. 00:00:36	I told the committee that I can't do it again this year by myself. look at this stuff! 00:00:42	I have to plan refreshments, ..uh-oh. 00:00:46	Send outast year's "thank you" cards. 00:00:50	Sounds like you need help. 00:00:52	Of course I need help! 00:00:54	But they can't find anybody. 00:00:55	You think that some people would just want to jump in and do some good. 00:00:59	Guess what? somebody did. 00:01:03	Oh, no, brock. 00:01:04	Heh heh. not me and you. 00:01:05	it would just be fighting and fighting .. 00:01:09	Man, you're the last person in the world I'd want to do this with. 00:01:12	Hello there,partner. 00:01:17	heh heh heh! 00:01:21	Ohh! 00:01:25	♪ 00:01:26	♪ my roots are planted in the past ♪ 00:01:29	♪ though my life is changing fast ♪ 00:01:31	♪ who I am is who I wanna be ♪ 00:01:36	♪ a single mom who works too hard ♪ 00:01:38	♪ who loves her kids and never stops ♪ 00:01:41	♪ with gentle hands and the heart of a fighter ♪ 00:01:47	♪ I'm a survivor ♪ 00:02:23	are idea that fresh salads can't come from a fast food restaurant. 00:02:27	They couldn't ha week. 00:02:30	They wouldn't hand wash and hand-prep it in their kitchens. 00:02:33	And they would never use freshly grilled chicken. 00:02:36	Only salad places with fancy bowls can do that, right? 00:02:40	Wrong. 00:02:40	That's how every wendy's salad is freshly made every da because it's not what your salad goes into. 00:02:46	It's what goes into your salad. 00:02:55	here, a full synthetic that starts pure. 00:02:59	Born from natural gas. 00:03:03	It's the next revolution in synthetics. 00:03:08	Pennzoil Platinum® with PurePlus™ Technology. 00:03:14	Get Pennzoil at a MoparExpress Lane in participating Chrysler,Dodge, Jeep or RAM dealerships. 00:03:23	infection can take days. 00:03:24	Relieving the itch... 00:03:26	can happen instantly. 00:03:27	Vagisil Max StrengthAnti-Itch Wipes relieve itch and odor instantly as they cleanse. 00:03:32	So why wait to feel comfortable? 00:03:33	Trust Vagisil. 00:03:35	The number one wipe for itch. 00:03:38	Pro-MatteFoundation L'Oreal. 00:03:39	The new pro-look in longwear. 00:03:41	Demi-matte andlasts up to 24 hours. 00:03:42	Resists Sweat, Heat, Humidity. 00:03:45	The matte without the flat. 00:03:48	New Infallible Pro-MatteFoundation by L'Oreal Makeup Designer Paris orbisonbegins play) ♪ I ride the highway... ♪ 00:03:56	♪ I'm going my way... ♪ 00:03:59	♪I leave a story untold... ♪ 00:04:07	He just keeps sending morepictures... 00:04:11	If you're a free-range chicken, you roam free. 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00:09:12	I'll start workingon the t-shirt design. 00:09:14	" you know,'cause it's a silent auction. 00:09:20	[Forced laugh] yeah. 00:09:22	[Softly] get out! 00:09:23	[Softly] oh, right.good thinking. 00:09:25	I can't do it, brock. 00:09:27	I don't care if theyclose the school down and all the kidsgo dumb. 00:09:30	Ohh! that's great.great. fine. 00:09:34	put yourpersonal feelings ahead of the well-beingof the children. 00:09:38	Your children. 00:09:39	Don't use the kids, brock. 00:09:40	You know, who caresif this auction is a big flop? 00:09:44	I mean, does the schoolreally need playground equipment? 00:09:47	I guess the kids couldjust climb on each other. 00:09:50	Oh, come on! 00:09:52	And why do you needa lunch lady keep fightsfrom breaking out? 00:09:55	I mean, poor,tiny little jake can fend for himself. 00:09:58	Oh, all right!i won't quit. 00:10:00	But why do I have todo it with her? 00:10:02	Because she's the only onewho volunteered. 00:10:04	Come on, reba.you've got the experience. 00:10:06	You what, set the recordfor 3 straight years? 00:10:09	4!4, 4. 00:10:11	And barbra jeanhas got the time, so just--just point herin the right direction and let her go to town. 00:10:17	Oh, I'll let hergo to town, all right. 00:10:19	A town far, far away. 00:10:22	I'll work with barbra jean. 00:10:26	♪ And reba ♪ 00:10:42	hey, guys. what's that? 00:10:44	Dead leaves, old tennis balls, and a frisbee. 00:10:47	We're making a basket for the auction. 00:10:49	You're donating a trip to the dump? 00:10:52	I'm donating my services to clean out someone's gutters. 00:10:55	Cleaning gutters? that's what you're donating? 00:10:58	Uh-huh. 00:10:59	Guys, I hate to say this, but that sounds kind of dumb. 00:11:02	Well, barbra jean suggested it. 00:11:04	Oh! ha ha ha! then I don't mind saying it. 00:11:07	That's really dumb. 00:11:08	Well, mom, what else is van gonna do? 00:11:10	I mean, he doesn't have any other skills. 00:11:12	Don't say that, cheyenne! 00:11:15	He can-- hee-haw! hee-haw! 00:11:21	Hey, you should donate football lessons. 00:11:24	.. that's a pretty good idea. 00:11:26	You know, mom, you're pretty good at this auction stuff. 00:11:29	Ohh! van, what happened to your finger? 00:11:31	Oh, my finger got caught in mike garcia's face mask. 00:11:35	Oh, be still my heart! 00:11:37	The gutter basket looks great! 00:11:40	Oh, they changed their mind. 00:11:41	h said I should donate football lessons instead. 00:11:44	I mean, I don't even know what football lessons are, and, you know, everyone's got dirty gu but, reba, I guess you know best. 00:11:51	Keep that thought for the rest of the day. 00:11:54	Well, I guess we're not gonna need this stuff anymore. 00:11:56	We should probably go put it back in the gutters, honey. 00:11:58	Good thing I didn't put away the ladder. 00:12:00	Yeah. 00:12:03	Ok, barbra jean. 00:12:04	I kept the files from the last 4 years. 00:12:06	Inside here is the secret formula to a successful auction. 00:12:11	.. 00:12:14	Does anybody else have a question? 00:12:23	Whoo! 00:12:28	Yes? 00:12:29	Ok, um, I was just wondering, um, if we only do what you did, then we can only do as well as you did, andwe want to do better than you did, so we should be thinking outside the box. 00:12:42	Heh heh heh! 00:12:44	But all the wisdom is inside the box, ok? 00:12:48	Now, look, I'm the chairman, and I say we stick with what works. 00:12:52	Ok, but I thought we were co-chairmen. 00:12:54	Oh, no. you're co-chairman. 00:12:57	" I can't believe I almost missed the whole auction. 00:13:14	how's it g boring. but it's about to get better. 00:13:18	Barbra jean didn't take any of your suggestions. 00:13:21	! we're outside the box? 00:13:23	And did you see the door prize? it's a door. 00:13:28	Hey, mrs. h! great idea on the football lessons. 00:13:32	The bidding's going nuts! 00:13:34	Yes, because it was my idea from inside the box. 00:13:37	Yes, but it was barbra jean's idea to put a shirtless photo of me next to the bid sheet. hello! 00:13:43	It's totally disgusting. 00:13:44	It's like a feeding frenzy for middle-aged women. 00:13:46	you both should be very proud that I'm gonna raise a lot of money for the school. 00:13:51	Yeah, dirty money, you flesh peddler. 00:13:56	Oh, hey, reba. 00:13:57	It's going pretty well. 00:13:58	Up to my standards. 00:14:00	" I'm just saying people are bidding. 00:14:05	My tooth bleaching is already up to $380. 00:14:08	Of course, I throw in floss and a toothbrush. 00:14:11	Ah, they must know that. 00:14:14	Hey, hey! there's my co-chairman. 00:14:17	So, what do you think of our auction? 00:14:18	This isn't ourauction, barbra jean. 00:14:20	This is your auction. 00:14:22	My auction is in a box saying, " ladies and gentlemen, the bidding is now officially closed. 00:14:32	I want to thank you all for coming tonight. 00:14:34	Now, before we read the tally, I have a little announcement to make. 00:14:38	There is a rusted-out 1969 oldsmobile parked out front. 00:14:42	Would you please move your car? 00:14:43	you're just embarrassing the school. 00:14:48	Ha ha ha! 00:14:52	ok, well, let's read the tally. 00:14:56	Oh, man. they're not gonna pin this on me. 00:14:58	It's not my fault. it was barbra jean's fault. 00:15:01	.. 00:15:03	We didn't match what we did last year. 00:15:05	I knew it. I'm sneaking out the back. 00:15:07	No, we beat it by $1,100! 00:15:11	Aah! oh, my gosh! we did it! 00:15:14	We did it! I can't believe it! 00:15:17	Yeah, me neither. 00:15:18	Oh, my gosh! we're record-setters. 00:15:20	You and me together are better than you! 00:15:23	Aah ha ha ha! 00:15:28	Oh, my god! 00:15:30	Ok! 00:15:38	No debbie? 00:15:39	You look like me. 00:15:41	That's because I am you. 00:15:43	Or who you used to be. 00:15:45	Back when you ate little debbie. 00:15:47	I've got some tasty things. 00:15:48	Not like these. remember? 00:15:52	.. 00:15:54	Aisle four. 00:15:56	Your love for little debbie is something you never outgrow. 00:16:01	You're gonna pay for that, right? 00:16:08	Almay celebrates the true spirit of American beauty. 00:16:09	Which rises from the heart of our great country... 00:16:13	Dreams are born. 00:16:16	Hopes fly high... 00:16:18	We love this country with a passion. 00:16:20	You can see the pride in our eyes. 00:16:22	Read the joy on our faces. 00:16:24	Hear the love on our lips. 00:16:26	We create products that deliver an effortless beauty look. 00:16:29	Genuine and glowing with confidence. 00:16:32	ALMAY. 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I love it when you're jealous. 00:27:18	Especially when you drive other people away from me. 00:27:22	He's after your man. 00:27:23	Are you gonna stand for that? 00:27:25	It is the price I pay for being married to a hottie. 00:27:28	God! 00:27:29	Now, if you'll excuse me, my conference call is waiting. 00:27:35	[Football game playing on vcr] heh! I hope you don't mind. 00:27:44	I started watching the tape. 00:27:45	No, no, that-- that's great. 00:27:47	Say, why don't you take these home and watch them, and we'll do a follow-up on the phone later. 00:27:53	Oh, but we're gonna do the hands-on stuff, right? 00:27:56	! well, you know, the huddle up, and then we tackle each other. 00:28:00	Tag! you're it! hut, hut, hut! 00:28:03	All right, ok! 00:28:04	Aah! all right, ok. 00:28:07	. Oh, fumble! 00:28:09	A fumble! 00:28:12	Oh, this is fun. 00:28:15	I love football. 00:28:17	.. 00:28:19	Terry, we need to talk. 00:28:21	.. 00:28:23	I think you're a great guy, and, uh, but, uh, this--this--this just isn't gonna work out. 00:28:29	Why not? 00:28:30	I don't find you attractive. 00:28:32	I didn't realize that was part of the game. 00:28:35	Well, well. 00:28:37	I don't find you attractive, either. 00:28:38	Why are we talking about this? 00:28:40	I'm not making a judgment about-- about being gay or not being gay-- ! you think I'm gay? I'm not gay. 00:28:47	I mean, " my business partner. 00:28:55	We own a jewelry store together. 00:28:57	He, i, my wife judy. 00:29:00	A former miss houston. 00:29:03	So, not gay? 00:29:05	Not gay. 00:29:06	well, then let's get this football lesson started. 00:29:10	I don't think so. 00:29:12	.. 00:29:13	I didn't realize you were using these football lessons to meet men that you're attracted to. 00:29:19	Whoa, whoa, whoa! 00:29:25	Wait, wait. you think I'm gay? 00:29:28	I'm--i'm not gay! I'm married. 00:29:30	To your sister! 00:29:33	No, wait, really, I'm not gay! 00:29:35	Well, I don't know why I would've thought so. 00:29:38	Hunh! unh! 00:29:40	That's just the way I'm built. 00:29:42	See you later, mary. 00:29:49	today asking kids what their favorite vegetable is. 00:29:51	Kids? 00:29:52	[ Crickets chirping ] now we're gonna give those same kids bush's baked beans. 00:29:57	[ kids ] MMMM... 00:30:00	Finally, we're gonna tell them that bush's baked beans are actu veg-- tut-tut-tut. 00:30:05	Ix-nay on the egetable-vay. 00:30:07	Oh, right. 00:30:08	Bush's secret family recipe gives them a delicious flavor, so they're a [whispers] vegetable that kids actually like. 00:30:14	Bush's baked beans. 00:30:15	The [whispers] vegetable that kids love. 00:30:19	tofeel difference of truly hydrated skin? 00:30:21	New NeutrogenaHydro Boost Water Gel. 00:30:23	Discover our newestbreakthrough and bask in the glowhealthy skin hydration. 00:30:27	See what everyone is ravingabout at Neutrogena.com ♪♪ 00:30:34	♪♪ 00:30:36	[ Female Announcer ] 67% OFPEOPLE COULD USE An excuse to meet the personnext to them. 00:30:41	♪♪ ♪♪ 00:30:44	tic tac mints. shake it up! 00:30:46	Share them in theserefreshing flavors. 00:31:04	thickness? 00:31:06	New Fructis Full & Plush. 00:31:08	With pomegranate and Fibra Cylane. 00:31:09	It expands and strengthens each strand. 00:31:12	Get big, bigger,massive hair. 00:31:15	Fructis Full & Plush. 00:31:16	The Strength to Shine. 00:31:18	Garnier. 00:31:20	yes For a little spring newness for your home. 00:31:21	10 to 33% off new Kitchen Electrics Like the Keurig B40 brewer. 00:31:26	Find Food Network accessories Calphalon Ceramic Cookware and a Kitchen Aid cutlery set. 00:31:31	Pick up new Simply Vera Vera Wang bath towels And experience the comfort Of Serta memory foam toppers. 00:31:38	Yes to savings for every room in your home. 00:31:41	And yes to picking up Kohls Cashtoo This Friday through Sunday. 00:31:46	Find Your Yes. 00:31:47	Kohls. 00:32:05	likevampires, but not the good kind. 00:32:06	Fortunately, PetSmart has lotsof flea and tick products. 00:32:08	Did you know that flea babieseat their mom's poop? 00:32:10	My.... 00:32:12	PetSmart has vet-recommendedsolutions to helps protect your petsfrom fleas and ticks. 00:32:14	Because Pethood's better with aPartner. 00:32:20	stains... 00:32:23	With a powerful new laundry detergent, Persil ProClean. 00:32:24	I am, the professional. 00:32:28	New Persil ProClean. 00:32:31	Only at Walmart. 00:33:05	rejector. 00:33:06	eaters. 00:33:07	That's why we make tyson fun nuggets. 00:33:11	Kids love the dinosaur shapes. 00:33:12	Moms love that they're made with white meat from chicken raised with no added hormones or steroids. 00:33:15	Tyson fun nuggets. 00:33:16	The fun way to a clean plate. 00:33:50	♪♪ 00:33:50	♪♪ 00:33:51	[ yowls ] ♪♪ ♪♪ 00:33:57	♪♪ ♪♪ 00:34:02	[ music, indistinct talking on tv ] you're eating all the ammo, sir. 00:34:11	Remember your training. 00:34:12	Your whole life has been leading to this moment. 00:34:16	[ Blows ] [ woman shrieks ] ♪♪ ♪♪ 00:34:35	Shelly, how'd you come to find thebiggest Liquid Gold mine in the state? 00:34:39	I was shopping for provisions, Yeah? 00:34:43	And that's when I saw it. 00:34:44	What'd you see Shelly? 00:34:45	Boxes and boxes of VelveetaShells and Cheese, stacked clear to the ceiling! 00:34:50	Hoo-hoo! 00:34:52	Can we go look at it Shelly? 00:34:54	Yeah, it's rightover here... Oh! 00:34:57	There's gold in themthar shells. 00:35:00	Liquid Gold. 00:35:05	Anna, Tom! 00:35:06	What can I help you find today? 00:35:07	We're repainting, but ourkids are tough on walls. 00:35:08	I totally get it. 00:35:11	You need Valspar,it's our best paint. 00:35:12	And with the ValsparColor Guarantee, if you don'tlike the color, you get a new one, free. 00:35:17	What? 00:35:18	That's awesome. 00:35:19	Change color for free? 00:35:20	We've been doing that for years. 00:35:21	Hey Val, check it out, hey Val! 00:35:22	I see ya, honey. 00:35:24	Hurry in now to save big onsample pints in any color, just 99 cents eachthis month only. 00:35:27	Going to the Paint Studio at Aceis like going to your neighbor. 00:35:29	♪Ace is the place with thehelpful hardware folks.♪ 00:35:35	watering, and stomachs are growling. 00:35:37	Or is that just me? 00:35:38	It's Lobsterfest... 00:35:39	...Red Lobster's largest variety of lobster dishes all year. 00:35:42	Double up with Dueling Lobster Tails. 00:35:44	Or make Lobster Lover's Dream a delicious reality. 00:35:47	But hurry this won't last long. 00:35:50	Yeah we're onvacation next month, my family churns throughall sorts of data. 00:35:52	Well, now we have Mobile ShareValue plans with Rollover Data, so the data you don't use thismonth rolls over to the next. 00:35:56	Sounds great. But what's your angle? 00:35:58	I don't think I haveany angles. 00:36:00	Hardball, huh? Look, if youwant me in on this, I want a piece of the action. 00:36:01	Oh well you get the RolloverData automatically, So you're already inon the action. 00:36:07	Deal. 00:36:10	You should negotiate more stuff. You're pretty good at it. 00:36:11	Introducing AT&T Rollover Data. 00:36:14	The data you don't usethis month rolls over to the next month. 00:36:35	Tion, please. 00:36:36	Let's bring up the 2 women who were responsible for our record-breaking auction-- reba hart and barbra jean hart. 00:36:43	No relation. ha ha ha! 00:36:48	Oh, gosh, thank you so much. 00:36:50	You know, when they first approached me about doing this, I don't mind telling y'all I was scared. mm-hmm. yeah. 00:36:59	Then, I remembered something that made me as calm as a bunny in the sun. 00:37:08	I wasn't doing this alone. 00:37:11	I was doing this with one of the finest people it has ever been my honor to call my friend-- reba hart. 00:37:23	So let's give a big hand to the person really responsible for this--reba hart. 00:37:28	S clapping] [chanting] reba! reba! 00:37:32	Reba! reba! 00:37:34	Reba! reba! 00:37:35	Oh, stop. thank you very much. 00:37:38	Thank you, barbra jean. 00:37:40	Oh, reba. 00:37:42	Well, I have done the auction for the last 4 years, and it's been a huge success. 00:37:46	And so this year, I brought all my experience, and I told barbra jean exactly what to do with it. 00:37:55	And she didn't do any of it. 00:38:00	Barbra jean deserves all the credit. 00:38:02	she's the reason we set a new record. barbra jean. 00:38:13	[Chanting] barbra jean! ohh! 00:38:14	Barbra jean! barbra jean! 00:38:16	Barbra jean! barbra jean! 00:38:18	♪ And reba ♪ 00:38:21	barbra jean! barbra jean! 00:38:23	Barbra jean! barbra jean! 00:38:24	Barbra jean! barbra jean! 00:38:26	Barbra jean! barbra jean! 00:38:28	Barbra jean! barbra jean! 00:38:29	.. 00:38:34	Hey, reba. 00:38:35	Listen. 00:38:35	That was really nice of you to get up there and say what you did. 00:38:39	Well, I wasn't trying to be nice. 00:38:40	I just said what happened. 00:38:42	Unfortunately, it just came out nice. 00:38:46	Come on, reba. the auction was a huge success. 00:38:49	Why does it matter whose ideas they were? 00:38:51	I'll tell you why. 00:38:53	Because during this process, I learned something about your wife, brock. 00:38:57	Contrary to the rumors I spread, she's not a ditz. 00:39:01	Well, that's good. 00:39:03	No, it's not. 00:39:04	Do you have any idea how hard this is on me? 00:39:06	It's a heck of a lot easier to dislike someone when you think she's an idiot. 00:39:11	Well, I'm sorry for your loss, reba, but I'm gonna look at that as a good thing. 00:39:15	I guess I should look on the bright side. 00:39:19	I mean, it's not like she's never gonna do anything stupid again. ha ha ha! 00:39:23	Reba, I just had a great idea for next year. 00:39:28	2 Words-- donkey basketball. 00:39:33	Pop! ha! 00:39:43	Didn't have to wait long, did i? 00:39:45	CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY20th CENTURY FOX