Pilot (Drake & Josh)

Quotes
Audrey: Drake, Josh is downstairs. Drake: Oh, really? Cause I was just writing a song about him. It's called "I'm not sharing my room with Josh!" Audrey: Look, I know this is gonna be a big adjustment, but I need you to give this a chance. Drake: But, mom. He's goofy, he's clammy- Josh (arriving at the door): Hiya, Drake! Drake: He's here. Josh: I got you some licorice; the red kind. I know some people like the black kind, but I thought I'd just play it safe- Drake: (slams door in Josh's face) Mom, don't do this to me. Audrey: (opens door) Josh: I should've gotten the black kind, right?

Walter: Now it's my turn to kiss you. (kisses Audrey) Audrey: Now it's my turn to kiss you. (kisses Walter) Drake: Now it's my turn to throw up.

Drake: Lamps don't think that fast.

Drake: Hey, Josh. You don't want to go play some basketb-AAAHHHHH! Josh (dressed like a lady): AAAAHHH! Drake: OH MY GOD! Josh: I CAN EXPLAIN! Drake: OH MY GOD! Josh: I CAN EXPLAIN! Drake: Mom! Josh is dressed like a freak! Josh: I can explain! Drake: Why are you dressed like Queen Latifah?!

Drake: Wait, from the advice column from the school newspaper? You're Ms. Nancy?! Josh: Yes. Drake: (laughs hysterically) Josh: Quit laughing! Being Ms. Nancy is very important to me! I help people with their problems! Drake: You can't help people while wearing pants?! Josh: You don't understand. I need the dress. I can't write good advice without it. Drake: You want good advice? Stop dressing up like a lady!

Josh: Quit sniffing my mail!

Drake: Poor Tiffany. So sad, so lonely, so hot! Yep, I think I can help her. Josh: What are you thinking? What are you thinking?!

Buck: So! It's true! Josh: What, that I have a concussion? Buck: I turn my back for five seconds and you're on a date with--with this clown?! Josh (wheezing): Trouble...breathing... Buck: You're hamburger meat! You understand me? Josh: But I'm a vegetarian!

Drake: I thought you needed to pee. Josh (looking down): Done.

Drake: You're right. He's gonna kill you. Hey, can I have your computer?