Villain Pub - Best Picture Summary (Oscars 2019)

Open with the Villain Pub theme song.

♪Making your way evil today, sure does take a lot.♪ ♪Thinking of ways to distribute hate, takes everything you've got.♪ Wouldn't you like to rule the place?♪ ♪Sometimes you wanna go where everybody hates your face.♪ ♪And the villains share your rage.♪ ♪You wanna be in the evil seat, heroes are all the same.♪ ♪You wanna go where everybody hates your face.♪

We begin with Thanos sighing in depression.

Thanos: *Sad Groan*

Joker: What's got you down, big guy?

Thanos: I just found out I'm not nominated for Best Picture.

Voldemort: What?! That's outrageous!

Thanos: I know! It was the culmination of 10 years, 3 phases, and almost 20 films! All leading up to my entrance!

Joker: It was finally your time.

Thanos: It was my time! I said I was gonna do it, and I did it! Can anyone else say they wiped out HALF the universe? NO!

Joker: Woo! Maybe you wiped out all the voters that liked it!

Zod: I know why you got snubbed! It's because you killed Groot, you big purple butt face! Why did you do that?

Palpatine: He's uh, he's still not over that. What's the big deal anyway? Your story isn't even over yet.

Joker: Yeah, Plus, it's rare. Palps here hasn't seen an Oscar in almost 40 years.

Thanos: What do these movies have that I don't? The Favourite - women fighting each other. I had that! Did you see the epic battle with all those lady heroes and Proxima Midnight?

Proxima Midnight: Yeah. I'm just as sexy as Emma Stone and Rachel Weiss.

Zod and Voldemort: Uh...

Thanos: Vice - controversial and terrifying politics. I mean, have they met me?!

Palpatine: Oh, I actually like that one! Corrupting government is my jam.

Thanos: Bohemian Rhapsody - timeless music and rebellious characters. What do you think those dumb guardians are supposed to be?

Zod: I don't know, why don't you ask Groot? That's right you can't. Because he's dead!

Thanos: Or Black Klansman - disrupting a hateful organization. The Avengers have tried to disrupt me all the time!

Joker: I suppose. But you have to admit, Roma was kind of a masterpiece.

Everyone agrees with Joker.

Thanos: Oh, just because it was black and white, and an intimate portrait with stunning cinematography and- yeah, I guess it was pretty great. But I'm on Netflix too, you know!

Mickey Mouse: Haha, not for long!

Voldemort: Uh, why is...

Palpatine: Don't mess with the mouse.

Voldemort: Ok.

Thanos: A Star is Born. For the THIRD time. Ooh, a star. I can throw a moon! A freaking MOON!

Joker: And had Bradley Cooper too.

Zod: You know who doesn't have Bradley Cooper?

Palpatine: You're not going to do that every time we mention the Guardians of the Galaxy.

Zod: We are Groot, you guys!

Joker: What about Green Book though? Now there's a great film your story had nothing in common with.

Thanos: No, but it does have Uncle Aaron from Spider-Verse, which should also be nominated for Best Picture!

Kingpin walks in.

Kingpin: Thank You!

Joker: Yes, but it was animated AND a comic book movie. It's so rare that comic book movies get Oscar nominations.

Voldemort: Your film was nominated for 8 Oscars!

Joker: Oh, yeah, hehehe! But not Best Picture. Unfortunatley, comic book movies just don't get nominated for Best Picture. That's just the way it is.

Black Panther villains walk in.

Killmonger: Until now!

Klaue: Oscarsesies!

Everyone: Oh! That's incredible. I hope your's wins!

Thanos is sad.

Palpatine: Oh yes, sorry, Thanos.

Thanos: *sighs* Y'all gonna make me snap.

Everyone: OOOOHHH!

Villian Pub - Best Picture Summary

THE END

Thanos walks by Voldemort who is painted in gold for some reason.

Thanos: I'm sorry, it's still not the same.