Snow White and the Three Stooges

[ Man Narrating ] Once upon a time, in the far-offland of Fortunia... there lived a noble king and his lovely young queen... who lacked but one blessing to make theirjoy complete-- [ Moe ] Not you.! Come outta there. [ Narrator Clears Throat ] l beg your pardon, ladies and gentlemen. The good queen longed for a child to love... whose skin would be as white as snow... her lips as red as rubies... and her hair as black as ebony. - [ Moe ] Who let you in? - My hair used to be black. Out.! Before you get a pair of eyes to match. [ Narrator ] Really.! This is most--Sorry. The queen's prayers were answered. A child as delicate as a snowflake was born to her... and they called her Snow White. But the king's joy was swiftly changed to grief... for his frail and gentle queen was taken from him... and summoned back to heaven. The king mourned her with a broken heart... but at last, in submission to the pleading ofhis people... he wed again. But, alas, the new queen's heart was cold and evil. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is fairest of them all? [ Man's Voice From Mirror] Only truth reflects in me. No one lives as fair as thee. [ Narrator ] But she reckoned without Snow White... who, even in childhood, showed the promise of a beauty... that would one day far outshine the queen's. Now, it so happened that there dwelt... in the neighboring kingdom of Bravuria... a fearless and handsome prince-- - [ CurlyJoe ] He said ''handsome. '' - [ Larry ] Yeah.! Get outta there.! - Hold on! l'm a citizen! - [ Narrator ] Gentlemen, l must protest.! This is Prince Charming, the hero of our story... destined to love Snow White with all his heart. [ Moe ] Come back here,you.! That belongs to me. - Give it to me! - [ Narrator ] Gentlemen.! Gentlemen.! - Not in front of royalty.! - [ CurlyJoe ] No, ya don't. [ Narrator Sighs ] A thousand pardons, ladies and gentlemen. - [ Larry ] Hey, wait for me! - [ Narrator ] And ifby now... you're wondering what on earth the Three Stooges... have to do with the fairy tale of Snow White, it's very simple. ln this version, we're telling the story of... Snow White and the Three Stooges. [ Choir ] There's a place ln the sky Called Happiness On the far other side Of the moon Where you walk through a bright Golden door To whatever your heart Wishes for Dreams are real ln that place Called Happiness There's a rainbow To guide you each day Though it's far off somewhere lf you keep on believing lt's there Your heart will fiind The way Though it's far off somewhere lf you keep on believing lt's there Your heart will fiind The way Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh [ Narrator ] No child ever loved the winter as did Snow White. Jack Frost had but to touch the palace lake with his white fiingers... and she knew her greatestjoy as she skimmed across its surface. Only her father's love gave her as much delight. With the passing of each birthday... her beloved skates seemed to lend her an enchantment. As the beauty of Snow White blossomed... indeed her heart could want for nothing. Unbeknown to Snow White... she had already incurred the bitterjealousy ofher stepmother... the queen. Mirror, mirror on the wall... who's the fairest of us all? 'Tis true, O Queen, that thou art fair... but so is Snow White. Have a care. [ Smacks Fist ] - [ Sleigh Bells Jingling ] - [ People Chattering ] Let Snow White have a care! [Jingling Continues ] Happy birthday dear Princess Oh, thank you! Thank you, everyone. They're all so beautiful. l don't know which to open first. Forgive me, Your Highness, but you're not supposed to open any before your party tonight. Oh, that's much too long to wait. Well, if Your Highness would like to open just one... l suggest that one. Thank you, Eric. And you'd better take the others in before l'm tempted again. [ Bells Jingling ] - Oh! - Oh, how lovely and soft! May l ask who gave me this? lt was l, Your Highness, and l'm afraid l have a favor to beg of you. For you, dear Linda, you've only to ask. Even if it means l leave you, Your Highness? - Leave me? - To be married! [ Crowd Murmurs ] - To Frederick! - l beseech you, Your Highness. We'll be grateful to you all our lives. How could l refuse you? l wish you all the happiness in the world. Yea! Such a magic day only comes your way But once in a million years All l can say is That this kind of day ls something that happens to few And may l add that l'll always be glad that what made it happen Was you A million Bells are ringing There's lovely music in my ears Boys and girls can't miss Guess a day like this comes once ln a million years [ Men ] A million birds start singing Each time the one you love appears [ Choir ] Such a magic day only comes your way but once ln a million years The trees are dressed in their winter best Wearing diamonds in their hair The sky's so blue that it looks brand-new There's a Christmasy feel in the air So let our hearts be merry For Mother Nature here's three cheers Plus a great big kiss for a day like this That comes once ln a million-- Once ln a trillion-- Once ln a zillion years So let our hearts be merry For Mother Nature here's three cheers Plus a great big kiss for a day like this That comes once ln a million-- Once ln a trillion-- Once ln a zillion years [ Vocalizing ] Your Highness! - Your Highness.! - [ Ends ] What is it, Rolf? What's happened? - His Majesty-- He suffered a sudden attack! Please come. - [ Gasps ] Come, Your Highness, quickly! - Father? - Come closer, my dear. Oh, father, l'm afraid! My beloved child... the time has come for me to leave you... but not in sorrow... for l leave you in loving hands. Yes, my dearest husband. Swear to me that you will protect Snow White... and love her as l have... until she comes of age and ascends the throne. l shall live only for her, my lord. l swear it. And, Oga? You will be faithful also? To my last breath, Your Majesty. We are pleased. My precious child... one day you will be queen... and your love will belong to all your people. Do not weaken it with little sorrows... and not for my sake. For l die content. [ Sobbing ] Oh, no! No, Father! [ Sobbing Continues ] [ Ringing Continues ] [ Drumroll ] [ Drumroll ] [ Ringing Continues ] The king is dead. Long live the queen. [ Ringing Continues ] My hour has come at last. There was never any doubt of it... once l had signed the wizard's oath to champion your cause. [ Ringing Continues ] l'm not exactly helpless without you, Count Oga. Far from it, dear lady. lt was entirely your idea... to have young Prince Charming discreetly done away with. l merely saw to it that your orders were executed. You needn't make it sound as if l enjoy annihilating children. l only do it when it's... unavoidable. No, of course, Your Majesty. Your fierce ambition conceals the tenderest of hearts. - [ Ringing Fades ] - Yes. l must confess, my conscience is always clear. Exactly. lf their idiots of fathers... had not betrothed Prince Charming to Snow White in childhood... why, the lad would be alive today. Don't be a fool! He had to die. Once he'd married Snow White, he would've been king of two kingdoms... and l would've been queen of... none. How bitter for you that Snow White will still ascend the throne... when she comes of age, married or not. lf that is allowed to happen... let me remind you that my defeat is your defeat. All l ever counsel is patience and caution, dear lady. - You are sometimes too impetuous-- - l am a queen! And l intend to remain the queen. The world will look on Snow White's face no more. [ Creaking ] [ Keys Clattering ] Forgive me, Your Highness. l dare not disobey the queen. You have always been loyal and true. l know it's not your fault, Rolf. As faithfully as l served the king... l watch over you, Your Highness, until you're free and happy again. Thank you, Rolf. Never lose hope, Your Highness. That day will come. [ Door Creaks, Clatters ] [ Sobbing ] [ Door Closes, Keys Clattering ] [ Narrator ] ln a wooded glen not far away... some wandering minstrels have set up camp. Oh,yes.! Oh,yes.! Oh,yes.! Now, hear this, all you good people. l am Quinto the Magnificent... Quinto the Stupendous, Quinto the Colossal! Just a moment. Aren't you supposed to introduce me first? - [ Bells Jingling ] - Who let this over-vocal yokel in? l like that. lf it weren't for me, you'd be dumb! [ Scoffs ] lf you do the talkin' for both of us, l'll be even dumber! However, this oaf to my left is Quatro, folks... my fourth Stooge. l beg your pardon. You're our fifth Stooge. Hence your name, Quinto. l knew he was sulking about the billing. [ Scoffs ] These amateurs! They'll do it every time. Unhand me, varlet. Unhand me! l abdicate! [ Bells Jingle ] Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you. And now, in response to flattering and overwhelming requests... l shall attempt a feat of horticultural legerdemain... so complicated that it has never-- as of this moment-- been successfully accomplished. Observe! There is nothing concealed beneath my cloak-- no sleeves, trap doors, mirrors, springs or wires. Now, l hold before you this lifeless, withered twig... which l shall endeavor to bring into full blossom... right before your very eyes. Watch me closely. Closely now, gentlemen. Aye, aye-- Allesabai! - Presto! - [ Bells Jingling ] Ha, ha! To the manner born, my boy. You're better than we ever were. - Nah. - Yeah, but he cheats. He's got brains! He's got more than that. He's got style. Yes, and that's what's been worrying me. You know, you're too good for a crummy old act like ours. What are you talking about? You're the best friends l have in the world. Just the same, you have class, and we don't. What you need now is to study with the big-timers, the aristocrats. l don't need to learn anything that you three can't teach me. No. Like Moe says, we're nobodies. - Uh, not to me. - Of course we are! Look at all the times we go hungry. And the times we've been incarcerated... in durance vile! Not to mention being thrown in the clink! lgnoramus! He just got through sayin' that! Please don't misunderstand us, Quatro. We don't want to lose you... but we never told you the real story of how we found you. Why not? ls it something to be ashamed of? - No, no! - We just never seemed to get around to it. But... there's no time like the present. Come over here, son. l wanna talk to you. Sit down. lt happened about 1 4 years ago in Fortunia. They was celebratin' the betrothal of Snow White to Prince Charming... - of, uh, Bruva-- Brav-- - Bravuria! Not a real marriage, you understand. She was only three, and he was about seven. But that's the way they do it in royal circles. That's why we were appearing in the town. We could just as well have stayed home. - Business was terrible! - Yeah. - So was the stuff we were selling. - [ Both Chuckle ] [ Moe's Voice ] We were doing the old rabbit trick, remember? [ Crowd Cheers ] Thank you, good people, one and all. - At your pleasure, Professor. - Your servant, Maestro. Behold the secret of the ages! Yuk, the recipe of which was imparted to my illustrious partner and myself... by an incumbentjudo expert, in gratitude for saving his life... when threatened by an emotionally unstable cobra... on the far-flung mud banks of the flooded Hoogli. - Now, as a river, the Hoogli is only oogly. - [ Crowd Laughing ] But this unique concoction not only cures... all the known afflictions that confound mankind... but it reduces weight, kills moths... and restores the hair! Pardon me. Aren't you the gentleman that purchased a bottle of Yuk from us... in this identical metropolis a year ago? Your assumption is correct, sir. Won't you step up here, kind sir? You can do the world a noble service. Tell these good people how many bottles of Yuk it took... to raise that magnificent tonsure on your bonce. Not even one. l just dabbed it with a moistened cork. - Ah, you see, folks? - Ah, you're a pack of liars! l bought a bottle of that poison last year, and look what it did to me! - [ Crowd Laughs ] - lgnore him, folks. Look what Yuk did for my friend here. Hair in such abundance that the chipmunks nest there in the mating season. - Now then, who'll buy? - Step right up, folks. Don't crowd. One drabnik a bottle. Two for a dripnik. Become the envy of your friends. Surprise your wife. You, lady, grow a beard and surprise your husband! - You? How 'bout you? - How 'bout you, madam? What's the matter? You're gonna take that old hayseed's word against ours? Why, before l started using Yuk, l was balder than he is! What's more, l can prove it. Look! - [ Crowd Gasps ] - l told you they were fakers! - Yeah, the liars! - Let's tar and feather them! - Hang them up by the heels! - Yeah, come on. Let's get 'em! [ Moe's Voice ] They chased us all the way to the river... but we fiinally managed to give 'em the slip. [ CurlyJoe's Voice ] By the skin of our teeth. [ Moe's Voice ] And that's when we fiirst saw you. Ah! Bite me, would ya? l'll fix you, you-- [ Grunting ] [ Larry ] Oh! [ Thuds, Grunts ] [ All Screaming ] [ Grunts ] Hey, look! What happened? ls he dead? No, he's alive, but look at that lump on his head. He must've tripped and hit it on that rock. We'd better get him away from here quick. Give me a hand. - Take it easy, Curl. Easy. - Okay, okay. Go ahead. That's it. [ Grunts ] [ Moe's Voice ] All things considered... we felt it was best to get out of town... and as soon as possible. He's been unconscious an awful long while. l'm worried. He's gonna be all right. Aren't ya, sonny? [ Moans Softly ] Look! He's opening his eyes. - [ Gasps ] - Don't let our faces scare ya, sonny. We're your friends. What happened? - You hurt your head. - On a rock. Tell us where you live, sonny. We'll take you home. You wanna go home, don't you? l-- l don't know. Tell us your name, old-timer. - Uh-- - What's your name? Uh, l don't know. Who was that big man trying to hurt ya? Man? Never mind. lt's not important. You just rest. We'll look out for ya. [ CurlyJoe ] Till you remember who you are. We are, please. We? Poor kid's so confused, he-- he thinks there's more than one of him. You'd lost your memory, you see? We couldn't leave you there. You were in danger. We tried to find your family and couldn't. So we adopted you. And you've never given us a moment's regret. And l don't intend to in the future either. The future, my boy, is what we're talking about. Supposing you suddenly remember your real name, who your people are? Well, suppose l do? But to whom is your first duty? To youm, that's whom! And our first duty is to see that you take your rightful place in the world. l'm sorry, various and assorted fathers... but you won't get rid of me that easily... even if l turn out to be the emperor of China. So let's stop all this nonsense about my belonging somewhere better. One day l'll prove to you how grateful l am for all you've done for me. What're ya-- What are ya sitting around for, ya soft-boiled egghead? Get to work. And you-- get those bottles filled, you mangy floor mop! Oh! [ Narrator ] So it was that Snow White vanished... from the eyes of those who loved her. And to silence all inquiry... her stepmother made it known that she and the bereaved princess... had retired into pious mourning... for the space of one long year. Lonely, lonely little star How you twinkle from afar All alone yet still you glow Ever bright To let me know There's a place ln the sky Called Happiness On the far other side Of the moon Where you walk through a bright Golden door To whatever your heart Wishes for Dreams are real ln that place Called Happiness There's a rainbow To guide you Each day Though it's far off somewhere lf you keep on believing lt's there Your heart Will find The way How l've hated wearing black. A whole year of it! One more day and my widow's weeds would've strangled me! [ Giggles ] Free at last. And the all-powerful queen of not one, but both kingdoms-- yours and Prince Charming's. No woman ever possessed such power. You will arrange a national celebration to be held in my honor. And it must be the most extravagant in history. Ah, we now touch upon a delicate subject, Your Majesty. Your tastes could hardly be called frugal... and the exchequer is, in fact, empty. That's strange. l don't seem to recall abolishing taxation. On the contrary, you doubled the taxes in both kingdoms only a month ago. - Well, then what could be simpler? - [ Clinks ] Double them again. Now, the guests of honor for my celebration-- Whom, after myself, will my subjects be most anxious to see? l'm afraid, the princess, Snow White. - Never. - lt would be wise. The people are asking why she's never seen in public. The people! The people! l command you to use your magic Sword of Power... to blot Snow White from their memories forever. Madam, so powerful is the magic of this ancient sword... that l dare not use its last three wishes, save in dire extremity. Are you defying me, Count Oga? Never, Your Majesty. We must not waste the wishes of the sword. But she must be destroyed! You are forgetting, my dear lady, l can only invoke... the magic of the sword for good deeds. [ Scoffs ] That assassin, the one who rid us of Prince Charming-- - Do you still trust him? - Hordred the Huntsman. He wouldn't be alive if l didn't. Then send for him again. And this time, l want proof the deed is done. What kind of proof? [ Clattering ] Bring back Snow White's heart... in this. l'm on the queen's business. Open the door! [ Keys Clattering ] [ Squeaking ] Your Highness. Hordred, what is it? Forgive me, but Linda... that maiden-in-waiting you permitted to marry... is very, very sick. She's been calling for you. Oh, no. But l can't go to her. l'm a prisoner here. The queen has granted you permission to visit her. - l'm to take you there. - When? When can we go? As soon as you go to your quarters and change. l'll-- l'll hurry. Whoa! But Linda lives in the middle of a village. She's moved. Her house lies hidden just beyond those trees. [ Gasps ] Don't! Please don't! l can't-- l can't do it. Forgive me, Your Highness. Forgive me. But why? Why should you want to kill me? The queen-- She's jealous of your beauty! You must never return to the palace. Understand, Princess? Now run. Run for your life! Run! Run, princess, run! Never come back! [ Animal Squeaking ] [ Bird Screeching ] [ Hooting ] [ Bird Cawing ] [ Animal Whining ] [ Whining Continues ] [ Monkey Screeching ] - [ Roaring ] - [ Gasps ] [ Screeching Continues ] [ Screeching Continues ] Help! Help me! [ Panting ] - Please help me! Please! - [ Creaking ] ls anyone here? Anyone home? - [ Creaks ] - [ Panting ] [ Whimpers ] [ Sobbing ] The sun's up. Are we in Fortunia yet? Almost. l was just asking Quatro... if any of the landmarks look familiar. - No, afraid not. - Of course not. He was too young for it to register on his cogitative faculties. - How's that again? - None of the landmarks look familiar. - Oh. - But now we return triumphant. - A command performance. - That's right. Your big chance, Quatro. Yes. And if the queen likes ya, all the crowned feet of Europe... will be at your head! Whoa, Thunder! Whoa, Lightning! - Well, we've arrived. - Arrived where? - At our summer residence. - That doll's house? Doll's house? That, my son, is the cottage of the Seven Dwarves. Just a few miles from the queen's palace, and ours-- all ours! Wait a minute. l thought you just said it belonged to the Seven Dwarves. - And so it does. - But they're never here at this time of the year. And the last time we saw them, they gave us a standing invitation. All out. Get the stuff. We might want to rehearse. And the reason it's a standing invitation is because... the beds are too short for us to lie down in. Anything is better than sleeping in the wagon. l'm all right. l sleep curled up in a ball. That's why you keep rolling out of bed. - l can sleep on my head. - Why not? lt's full of feathers. - [ Chuckles ] - Aw, a note. ''Prospecting in King Solomon's mines. Back by Christmas. Make yourselves to home. Signed, The Dwarves.'' - [ Creaks ] - Look! They didn't even lock the doors. - [ Creaking ] - After you. l still feel we're trespassing. - After you. - No, no. Apres vous, mon brave. l insist. - How do you like it? - Oh, it's fine... as long as l... remember to keep ducking. There's another little room in here. [ Whispering ] One of the dwarves is still here! lmpossible. lt must be a burglar. When l grab him, you three help me overpower him. [ Stuttering ] Well, why wake him? Maybe he needs his sleep. Aw, stay here. - lt's a girl. - What's she doin' here? The dwarves must lend this place to everybody. Shh! Don't wake her. She's beautiful. Forgive us, miss. We didn't mean to wake you. Where am l? How did l get here? You're in the cottage of the Seven Dwarves. But we don't know how you got here. We've only just arrived. Oh, l remember now. The queen-- She tried to have me killed! Please help me. l'm in terrible danger. Well, of course we'll help you, miss. - But first, please tell us who you are. - Snow White. - Not the princess Snow White? - Yes. A real princess! Who are you? Well, we'rejust strolling players, Your Highness. But from now on, we're your bodyguards. That's right. You can count on us! - Come what may! - Ad infinitum! What brought you to our kingdom? We were sent for to give a performance at the palace. They're holding a big celebration tonight. But as soon as it's over, we'll take you wherever you want to go... where you'll be safe. Oh, thank you. Meanwhile, how about some breakfast? l'm famished. - And l'm sure Your Queenship must be. - l believe l am. Good! We stole a couple of-- That is, we're minding some eggs for an absent-minded duck we ran into. - l'll get 'em! - l'll make the fire! - l'll get some wood. - l'll set the table! l can make bread if there's any flour. - Flour? - Flour? There's a whole barrel of it.! - Yeah. - After you. - Oh, don't start that. Go on. Get it. - Okay. - Be careful. - All right. Watch yourself. Here, here, here. l'll help you. - l'm sorry. - [ Spits ] Here they are. One for each! [ Crashes, Thuds ] - Sire. - ls it done? Here is her heart. - Guard this carefully until l return from my ride. - Yes, my lord. Also, the mountebanks who are to perform before the queen tonight are here. Will you see them? [ Snaps Fingers ] You are the vagabonds that are supposed to make us laugh? - Yes, Your Honor. lf it pleases Your Honor. - Long live Your Honor. You are hardly what l would call prepossessing to the eye. Thank you, Your Honor. What do you do? These gentlemen are magicians, sire. Very fine artists. Uh, Quatro here sings and entertains, Your Honor. Well, it's too late to hire anybody else. You'll appear before the queen at 8:00 tonight. - We're flattered, Your Honor. - You will eat in the kitchen with the royal servants. l hope l do not have to tell you to avoid all jokes in bad taste. - Of course. - The royal butler will compensate you... at the close of your entertainment. l trust it won't be money down the drain. That is all. [ Cracks Whip ] - Thank you, Your Worship. - You're very kind, Your Worship. - Happy birthday, uh, Your Worship. - [ Whispers ] Come on! - Hello! - [ Whistles ] [ Snow White ] ln here.! - Well, we're back! - l'm so glad. - l was beginning to get a little worried. - Why? - Has anyone been near the cottage? - Not a soul. - But l missed you. - Hey! l wouldn't know the old place! - l've never seen so much flour in my life. - [ All Chuckle ] - ls everything arranged for your performance? - lt certainly is. - Tonight's the night. - And Count Oga's crazy about us already! - l wish l could be there to watch you. - So do we. Why don't we stage a performance right now for Her Highness's own special benefit? Oh, please do. l'd love that. No sooner said than done.Jump to it, boys. [ Snaps Fingers ] - A chair for Her Highness. - A chair, a chair. - lnstruments? - lnstruments. - Your Highness. - Curtain going up! Maestro, if you please. Your Highness, lords, ladies and jellyspoons... it is a privilege to bring to you in person... the one and only renowned prestidigitateur... and entrepreneur par excellence... Quatro the Great. - [ Bells Jingling ] - l thank you. l thank you. l thank you. But allow me to correct an unpardonable boo-boo on the part of Maestro Moe. l am the only real brains here. l am Quinto the Mind Reader. l shall now proceed to tell Your Highness exactly what you're thinking. Quinto, you're appearing before royalty. Do you want your head chopped off? Why not? You've lost yours already. - [Jingling Continues ] - [ Quatro ] That will do. Please excuse him, Your Highness. He's not his usual self. How can l be my usual self when you're not your usual self? At least l know how to mind my manners. Hmm. l'll tell you what he's thinking, Your Highness. - He thinks you're-- [ Muffled ] - No, you don't. Unless you want this to be your farewell performance. l'm not allowed to say one tiny harmless word to Her Highness? Definitely not! May l sing to her? That can't do any harm. - May he sing to Your Highness? - [ Laughs ] l'd love him to. Gentlemen, a chord, please. Why am l dancing and singing Because l'm in love Why is my heart ting-a-linging Because l'm in love Why do l walk when it's raining As though it were sunny and dry Must l explain all over again l'm in love, l'm in love l'm in love So in love l'm in love l'm in love That's why Everybody wants to be a comedian. ls that what you call minding your manners, stealing my thunder? l beg your pardon, Quinto. Apologize to the princess, not to me. Forgive me, Your Highness. lt won't happen again. l'll see to that. Play. - Gypsies! - [ Mumbles ] - Play! - Please, gypsies. Together! A one, a two-- Must l explain all over again l'm in love, l'm in love l'm in love So in love l'm in love l'm in love That's why [ Applauding ] l don't care what they say. l love you, dear princess. l love you. Fare thee well. Good-bye, dear Quinto. l love you too. - Mmm-- - [ Thunder Rumbling ] [ Thunder Continues ] Now don't worry, folks. lt'll only be an April shower. Next, a concertina solo by Professor CurlyJoe. What's with you? [ Thunder Rumbling ] Traitor! You shall be hanged, drawn and quartered! l, Your Majesty? What have l done? - Snow White is still alive! - lmpossible.! My mirror has just told me, and my mirror never lies! But you have her heart to prove it! This? This is the heart of a pig! - [ Crashes ] - [ Whimpers ] [ Screaming ] Snow White is still alive! Then Hordred has betrayed us both. Guard! Guard! Seize Hordred the Huntsman and take him to the torture chamber... at once! No, no! [ Panting ] [ Grunts ] Stop! Stop! l can't bear it! Then tell us, why didn't you kill Snow White? [ Gasping ] l tried. l couldn't. l told her to flee for her life. - Where is she now? - l don't know. - [ Creaks ] - [ Screams ] l don't know. l swear it! How many other times have you deceived us? What happened to the little prince you were supposed to kill? - l suppose you let him escape too! - No! No! He was rescued by three mountebanks. What? Then he's still alive? Are you sure, man? Tell the truth. l am telling the truth. l did what you told me. l dressed him as a peasant so no one would know him. l was about to finish him and throw him into the river... when l was attacked by these three mountebanks. What three mountebanks? What proof do we have they ever existed? None. [ Groans ] Yes, my lord. They are the same three you talked to this morning. Those clodhoppers? You must be mad. [ Gasping ] No. No! l swear! By my mother's name l swear! But there were four of them. That youth-- l thought there was something... far too arrogant about his manner for a peasant. And he and the prince would be of an age. Your Majesty, fantastic as it may sound... l believe that fate has played the missing prince back into our hands. - Captain-- - Aye. Search the countryside for those mountebanks... and don't come back here without all four! Yes, Your Majesty. And you-- you, Count Oga! l hold you responsible for the escape of Snow White. See that she is found before the day is out... or you'll join your friend here on the rack! - [ Grunts ] - Bungler! l'll finish you off personally. Those floors-- l don't think they've been scrubbed for years. [ Chuckles ] That's because the Seven Dwarves are bachelors. [ Exhales ] lf anyone had told me yesterday... that l'd be here with you today-- l'm very glad you are. l-- [ Clears Throat ] Quinto can think of nothing except you, since he sang his heart out to you. You mean he really meant the things he said? Every word. He's a very sentimental fellow, Quinto. And he's fallen in love for the first time in his life. - The very first time? - The first and only time. l'm glad l took him seriously then. Oh, l hope you didn't do that, Your Highness. Why not? Because you and he belong in different worlds. lf only-- lf only what? lf only you were a commoner like he is. But l am. Just for the moment. You're the rightful queen of your country. Nothing can ever change that. And Quinto-- he doesn't even know who his mother and father were. l'm sure l would've loved them too, whoever they were. l'll tell Quinto you said that. lt'll make him very happy. Couldn't l tell him myself? l think it would be wiser not to, don't you? lf you say so. But if you had told him, l know what he would've answered. Tell me, please. l said it then As l say it now l love you l said it then And l say again Truly l do Though the words are old Each time they're told We make this moment A thrill l said it then l say it now And l always Will Though the words are old Each time they're told [ Together] We make this moment A thrill l said it then l say it now And l always Will [ Moe ] Quatro, where are you? Oh! We were waiting for that water. Yeah, we got the furniture all stacked up. l'm sorry. l must've been off on a cloud somewhere. l'll take that, son. You two can stay out here on that cloud. - Hark! Hooses' hoffs! - [ Galloping ] l mean, horses' hooves! lt's the queen's soldiers. Quick,you three.! Hide the princess.! - ln the house. Come on! - No! That's the first place they'll look. Behind here. - What about you? - l'll stay and misdirect. lt's you they're looking for, not me. Hurry! - This way, Your Highness. - Come on. You there! Halt! Halt in the queen's name or you'll be slain! - May l be of help, good sirs? - You and your three confederates are under arrest. - Where are they? - Arrest? We've done no harm. There must be some mistake. Count Oga does not make mistakes. He has found out that you are the pretender to the throne of Bravuria. [ Gasps ] Prince Charming. [ Captain ] Bind him.! Why, l-- l'm very flattered, sire... but l'm of humble birth and never made any secret of it. You can tell all that to the proper authorities. Take him to the palace while we search for the other three. - What will they do to him? - Shh. You two search the cottage. lf they offer any resistance, cut their heads off. l'll look out here. [ Water Splashing ] - They're not in the house. - They're not in the wagon either. - Must've got wind of our coming and fled. - Remount! After them! What can we do? She'll kill him like she tried to kill me. Don't worry, Your Highness. We won't let the queen harm a hair of his head. - How will we stop her? - We'll think of a way. lt better be good. She's after our scalps too. First we have to look after the princess. We can't help Quatro... until we know Her Highness is safe. [ Oga ] We know that you are the prince. l am not the prince. l'm nothing but a strolling player, Your Majesty... and my friends are innocent. - That man mistook them. - Not me. l know they're the men who attacked me. We'll get to the truth soon enough. Old woman, you were nurse to the young Prince Charming before his disappearance. l was, Your Majesty, for all of his seven years. - lf he still lived, would you recognize him? - Oh, at once, Your Majesty. He had a birthmark like a crescent right here on his chest. The very mark.! He is the prince.! [ Gasps ] Your Highness! Your Highness! l think that removes all doubt, Your Majesty. To the dungeon with him! The rightful king. [ Keys Clattering ] [ Footsteps Departing ] [ Sighs ] [ Whistling ] [ Mouths Words ] [ Knocking ] - About time you got here! - Fresh vegetables for the queen's table! Yeah. Picked fresh this morning. What happened to the regular man? Oh, a crate of onions upset him. You mean he ate a whole crate full? No, it fell on him. Good. The last lot of onions he sent me even a pig wouldn't eat. - Maybe you just weren't hungry. - [ Scoffs ] - Ready to unload? - Unload? l leave that sort of thing to my underlings. Hans! Fritz! Unload the vegetables! Ooh! [ Whistles ] A few holes and this would make a very fine flute. [ Scoffs ] You get the pumpkins. Hey! What's going on there? Oh! l'll make goulash out of you varlets! Where are you? Oh! Come here and stand-- Stand and fight! Aaah! Come here! Oh! - At ease, my man! - Salutations. Ad infinitum. [ Vocalizing ] - Food for the prisoner. - You've come to the wrong cell. This man is to be executed. On an empty stomach? Don't be so unpatriotic. Ah, l don't hold with all this mollycoddling. Hey. How come a whole loaf of bread for just one man? Because it's his last meal. Now, if it was me, l'd start off with oysters and white wine-- - Ah! - What is this obnoxious concoction? - That's, uh, sandwich surprise. - Yeah, for the man who's eaten everything. Well, what are you trying to do, poison him? - Poison him? - That's the finest food in the queen's kitchen. - Oh. - Hey, that's not for the help. - Ah! - W-- Wait-- - [ Metal Crunches ] - [ Screams ] - A file! Guards! - [ Whimpering ] Get him in. Get him in here. Nice work, boys. Quick, follow me! - Run! Go back! - After them! After them! [ Grunts ] [ Gasps ] - [ Exclaims ] - Quatro. Where's Quatro? - Ooh! Back we go. Come on! - Oh! Wait. Come on. What is the meaning of this uproar? Those three blaggards tried to rescue the prince. But they'll never get away alive. The prince? Has he escaped? Oh, no, not him, Your Majesty. He's dead as mutton. [ Oga ] Dead? The prince? Are you sure? [ Captain ] Yes, my lord. l was about to cleave him with my sword... when one of my archers felled him with an arrow. [ Queen ] Bravely done. l shall reward you all. Now, bring me Snow White. l want her found before nightfall. Do you understand, Captain? Before nightfall. Yes, Your Majesty. - Quatro. - Yeah. He was just holding 'em off so we could get away. We better go back and see. No! We gotta get to Snow White before they do. Come on. Here! Slide down this. - [ Groaning ] - Take this. Ho, guards! Here are your villains! [ Groans ] - Guards! Guards, stop them! - Whoa! My sword! My magic sword! The prince.! Thank God his heart still beats. We must hide him. That tunnel-- it leads to the other side of the moat. Help me with him. Be careful. Whoa! Stop! Ah! Whoa. - Your Highness! - Where's Quatro? What happened? lt's you that's in danger. We're just one jump ahead of the queen's soldiers. - Quick. Come with us. - l'll get your cape so they won't know you were here. lnside, Your Highness, and keep well out of sight. You, get in there and hide her. And keep these doors locked. Hyah! Okay, boys! Come on now! There they go. l knew it! Here they come! Thunder! Lightning! Give it all ya got! - Even if you haven't got it! - Hyah! Go, boys! Ya-hoo! Faster! They're gaining on us! [ Moe Yelling ] Keep going, boys.! Come on.! Hurry up! Hey! Come on! Hyah! Oh, boys! [ Moe ] Whoa.! - They didn't see us. - Turn around. Go back. Quick. - Take the ocean road. - Hyah, Thunder. Whoa! Turn. Turn! They've tricked us! - They saw us turn. They're still after us! - How far back are they? They're way back, but they're coming fast. Go! - Hyah! - Whoo, boy! Oh! [ Shouting ] - [ Neighing ] - Whoa! Down, boys! Down! Here. Here. - What are we stopping for? - Unhitch the horses, quick. - What's the idea? -Just do it, will you? We gotta get rid of this wagon. - Are they loose? - All set. Sorry, old-timers. lt's every man for himself. Go! - Hurry up! Heave! - [ Grunting ] [ Grunting ] Shh. [ Captain ] See any sign oflife? After a fall like that? There's not a chance. We have faithfully served our queen. Back to the palace. [ Man ] To the palace.! - [ Sighs ] - Are we safe now? No, Your Highness. You won't be safe until you get out of this country for good. - And there's no time like the present. - Let's go. - Without Quatro? - Please, Your Highness. We're trying to do what he'd want. Don't make it too hard for us. l can't run away while he's still in danger. But he'd want you to. Don't you see that? We'd die for you, miss-- l-l mean, Your Highness. Please trust us. l'm sorry, but l can't go anywhere until l know he's-- - Hark! - [ Galloping ] - Another search party. - And now we're really done for. - What'll we do? - l wish we could say Allesabai... and be on top of the highest mountain in the whole world. - [ Thunderclap ] - [ Wind Roaring ] - Are we still alive? - Of course we're still alive. Otherwise, we wouldn't be freezing to death. lt was CurlyJoe. The highest mountain in the world, he said, and we're on it. - You had to say the highest! - What? [ Wind Howling ] [ Moe Screams ] [ Scream Echoes ] All right, lamebrain, you got us up here. Now get us down! That sword, where did you get it? Souvenir from Count Oga. Count Oga? Then it must be the Sword of Power. - [ Moe, Larry Together] The what? - The magic Sword of Power. Whoever holds it in his hand and wishes, his wish is instantly granted. Do tell. Now it's mine. l'm a hero! l saved us all. You may touch my sleeve. l'll touch your nose with my fist if you don't wish us off this mountain. Keep your distance, peasant. l am valuable. O mighty Sword! l wish us to be in a nice warm house... with a great big blazing fire. - [ Thunderclap ] - [ Wind Roaring ] Whew. l never thought l'd ever be warm again. l'm a genius, that's all. A genius! There's nothing l can't do. Then please, CurlyJoe, wish for Quatro to be here too. l'm afraid we can't do that, Your Highness. Why not? l thought you were his friends. We are, but, uh-- You tell her, Moe. Well, it's like this. Quatro wouldn't want us to wish him here. Of course he would. lt's no good, Your Highness. We just can't lie to you anymore-- not even to make things a bit easier for you. Tell me the whole truth, please. None of us will be seeing Quatro anymore. The queen killed him? Ought we go after her? No. What could we do? She wants to be alone. [ Sobbing ] [ Quatro Singing, Faint ] As l say it now l love You l said it then And l say again Truly l do Though the words are old Each time they're told We make this moment A thrill [ Together] l said it then l say it now And l always Will [ Continues ] [ Sleigh Bells Jingling ] [ Thunder Rumbling ] [ Laughing ] [ Laughing Continues ] [ Continues ] [ Thunder Rumbling ] [ Laughing ] [ Crying ] This time she must be dead. Yet my fears and doubts still gnaw at me like rats. Oh. l-- l must be calm. l must restrain my passions and keep my head. Keep my head. Mirror, now that Snow White's life is done... am l not the fairest one? Far away though Snow White be... she lives and is more fair than thee. [ Sighs ] lt's l who've been at fault. l underestimated the magic powers that protect Snow White's beauty. lf she's far away, Your Majesty... she no longer constitutes a serious threat to your throne. Why not forget her beauty? Oh! [ Sighs ] How little you understand a woman's pride. My heart has no revenge, l vow. Show me where to find her now. [ Mirror] Here she lies, as you can see... with broken heart because of thee. How to get my hands on her? - Count Oga? - Your Majesty? You will use your black arts to transform me into a witch... with power to find Snow White and to destroy her. No. No, l dare not. The risk to you is far too great. lt is a command. Then on your own head be it. But the potion will take some time to prepare. All the more reason to get started! When the king was alive, you were free men. Look at you now-- slaves! Slaves to a queen so infamous the whole land cries out against her crimes! Remember what she did to me? What she is doing to our beloved Snow White? lt's time to rid our country of this tyrant! l give you my heart, my arm, my sword! Will you follow me? - Aye, and to the death! - Freedom from the queen! [ All Cheering ] Aye! - Then rouse all who are loyal! - And see that they are armed! - Follow me! - [ All Cheering ] Come on. Let's go! Fang of snake, tail of rat... eye of toad and claw of cat. Deadly nightshade, hippo fat... spider's eyebrow, wing of bat. Just right. Drain it. Drain it to the diabolic dregs. [ Sighs ] [ Coughing ] [ Gagging, Retching ] [ Coughing ] [ Coughing Continues ] Superb. Superb! lt's working like a charm. - Aahba! - [ Explosion ] [ Cackling ] Magnificent! Oh! [ Gasps ] Beautiful. Beautiful. Perfect. Perfect! At least you didn't bungle this one. Bungle it? l surpassed myself. Now, a poison strong enough to dissolve her very bones! Ah. l have the very thing. Here. Tempting, is it not? Yet one small bite of this, the merest nibble... and she will sleep for 40 moons and 40 suns... then die forever! [ Laughs ] Oh! Pretty, pretty pippin. Oh! l could kiss you! And Snow White so loves apples. [ Laughs ] Red fire to aid you in disguises. [ Giggles ] Oh! Yes, l will need this. [ Snorts ] And last but not least, your broomstick. Catch. [ Gasps, Cackles ] Prepare, Snow White, to meet your doom! Now track her down, avenging broom. [ Kisses, Cackles ] Good hunting. Away. Tallyho! [ Cackling ] With your last grain of sand she dies forever. [ Shouting ] [ Shouting Continues ] [ Quatro ] Come on now, men! Let's get behind it now! - [ Quatro ] Heave.! - [ Booming ] All right now, men. Come on! Come on! - [ Footsteps Approaching ] - [ Booming ] Heave! Heave! [ Explosion ] The oil! Empty it on them! Burn them alive! Fry them! [ Grunts ] [ Screaming ] You! - But you're dead! - Where's the princess Snow White? You will never find her this side of the grave. She is still alive! l know it! She's as good as dead! And so are you, sweet Prince. [ Grunting ] Ah. Don't-- - [ Grunts ] - [ Groans ] - [ Grunts ] - [ Groans, Screams ] [ Hits Ground ] - [ Shouts ] - [ Groans ] [ Screams ] Your Majesty.! The palace has fallen. The queen has fled. - You are rightful king at last. - We await your first command, Your Majesty. Half my fortune to the man who finds the princess Snow White. A-hunting we will go A-hunting we will go Hi-- Moe, Larry, CurlyJoe! - Wait. You forgot your lunch. - Oh, so we did. We'd be lost without you, Your Highness. And l'd be lost without you. l wish we were more of us... and prettier. l wouldn't want you to be any different. l love you just as you are, all three of you. Gee. Only our mother ever said that without laughing in our faces. Well, l mean every word of it. Now promise me you'll take good care of yourselves. l've made all the things you like best. When it's lunchtime, l'll ring a bell. lnside, Your Highness. We don't want you catching a chill. - Be good now, and don't be late. - Cross our hearts. Good-bye, Your Highness. Keep the stove hot. We'll be home with enough fresh meat to last all winter. Aren't you going to kiss my hand? l always say it with flowers. Only one? l get tongue-tied. [ Sighs ] High ho, the merry-o A-hunting we will go To poison her l'll go To poison her l'll go Snow White l'll bury-o To poison her l'll go [ Cackles ] [ Cackles ] [ Cackles ] lt's only old gypsy Matilda, deary. Ribbons and fancies fit for a queen. Buy from poor old freezing Matilda. Oh.Just a moment. Bless your kind heart, you lovely sweet deary. You're my first customer today. Doors slammed in poor old gypsy Matilda's face. Chased by dogs. [ Voice Quaking ] l'm freezing. Oh, what a shame. Come in and warm yourself by the fire for a while. You're an angel of mercy. That's what you are-- An angel of mercy! Oh. What a lovely fire. Let me thaw out my poor old chilblains. Here. Sit down and make yourself comfortable. [ Gasps ] Thank you. Thank you, you precious child! Sit there by me. Now, what does your heart fancy, huh? Ribbons, laces? Choose anything you want to suit your pocket. l'm afraid l haven't any money. Oh, deary, deary me. That's a how-do-you-do. But to reward you for your kindness to a poor old lady... l'm going to give you a nice little present. Did you ever see such a rosy red apple in these mountains before? lt's beautiful. But l couldn't take it from you. But you must take it... to please poor old Matilda. lt's every bit as tasty and juicy as it looks. Take it. Take it. Just a teeny little bite. There's a good, good girl. Good girl. A-hunting we have went We followed every scent We even scared a polar bear A-hunting we have went A-hunting we have went We followed every scent [ Thunder Rumbling ] [ Cackling ] Egad! A witch in stitches! You fools! You thought you could outwit me, didn't you? - We don't even know you! - And what's more, we don't want to! [ Cackling ] - You know what? - What? l got a nasty feeling that old witch is mixed up with the queen in some way. The queen. l wish the queen would go to Hades and stay there! [ Wind Roaring ] Hey. That was the queen. Quick! We gotta get back to Snow White. Oh, no. Snow White, what happened? She's-- This wasn't here when we left. The queen must have given it to her. She's been poisoned. And it's all our fault. We left her here all alone. Please, Princess, forgive us. We thought you'd be safe here. O mighty Sword, don't let Snow White die. We love her. Please, Sword. Please save her. We'll only ask this one last wish. We promise. Please help us, Sword. We don't know what to do. [ Sniffles ] We must've used up all the wishes. Oh. [ Crying ] What news? What news of Princess Snow White? - Alas, none, Your Majesty. - Then go back and search again. Your Majesty, we have scoured the land as far as man can travel. The princess has vanished as completely as if she had never been. Go back. Keep searching until you find her. Your Majesty, you would be kinder to yourself to give up hope. Never. Never while l live. Forgive me, Your Majesty. There's one source you've not consulted. What is that? While the queen was still in power, it was said... she learnt her secrets from a magic mirror in her chamber. That mirror is accursed! Merely to look on it is death. l beg Your Majesty, don't go near it. l swore to leave no stone unturned until l find her. Show me the mirror! There, Your Majesty. Mirror, l beseech your help, no matter what the cost. ln the name of love eternal... show me where l can find my beloved Snow White. Where is she? Tell me where. On mountain high, beyond the blue... thy faithful heart will guide thee true. l thank you with all my heart. [ Galloping ] - Can we help you, sir? - Don't you recognize me? lt can't be. lt is! lt's Quatro! [ Stooges ] Quatro! [ Laughs ] But we heard 'em say they killed you. - You're not a ghost? - No, l'm alive. A fall brought back my memory. l'm the king now, but it means nothing until l find Snow White. ls she here? Then take me to her. - Quatro, we-- - We weren't able to protect her from the queen. She was so beautiful, we didn't have the heart to bury her. She's in here. Oh, my beloved. lf you leave me, l have nothing more to live for. Tell me you only sleep. Wake, my love. Please wake. Come back to me, Snow White. Come back, l beg you. Please come back. [ Exhales ] She lives! - Snow White's alive. - lt's a miracle. My love. My love, l knew l hadn't lost you. l knew it. l knew it! The queen-- - l thought she killed you. - No, my love. You don't have to worry about the queen anymore. - We took care of her. - You're the only queen there is now. lt's true, beloved. Our lives have just begun. [ Choir ] There's a place in the sky [ Choir ] There's a place in the sky Called Happiness On the far other side Of the moon [ Together] Where you walk through A bright golden door [ Stooges ] To whatever your heart Wishes for [ Voice Cracking, Muffled ] [ Choir ] Dreams are real in that place Called Happiness There's a rainbow To guide you each day Though it's far off somewhere lf you keep on believing lt's there Your heart will fiind The way