The Einstein Approximation


 * Penny: Have you been up all night?
 * Sheldon: Is it morning?
 * Penny: Yes...
 * Sheldon: Then I've been up all night.


 * Sheldon: I can't see it! It just won't coalesce!
 * Leonard: Maybe you need a fresh start.
 * Sheldon: You're right. [picks up whiteboard, drops it out apartment window causing a car crash, and takes a blank one from his desk] It was a great idea, Leonard. Thank you.


 * Sandy: So, Mr. Cooper, you're looking for a job.
 * Sheldon: A menial job. Like yours.
 * Sandy: Why, thank you for noticing. I'm menial employee of the month. Do you have a particular field in mind?
 * Sheldon: I do. For thousands of years the lowest classes of the human race have spent their lives laboring to erect monuments under the lash of their betters, until finally they dropped down and became one with the dust through which they trudged. Do you have anything like that?
 * Sandy: No.
 * Sheldon: Shouldn't you check your database?
 * Sandy [pretends to type on her keyboard]: No.
 * Sheldon: You didn't really type.
 * Sandy: I didn't really have to. So, how about construction?
 * Sheldon: Oh, that would be good! Sawing, hammering, eating out of a lunch pail as my working-class fellows and I sit perched precariously on a girder high above the metropolis.
 * Sandy: No, no. This is putting up sheet rock at a housing project in Rosemead.
 * Sheldon: I could do that.
 * Sandy: Good.
 * Sheldon: One question?
 * Sandy: Yes?
 * Sheldon: What's sheet rock?
 * Sandy: ...Moving on. How about doing deliveries for a florist?
 * Sheldon: That seems acceptable.
 * Sandy: Do you have your own car?
 * Sheldon: I don't drive.
 * Sandy: Of course you don't. Mr. Cooper, let me just ask you a question. What was your last job?
 * Sheldon: Senior theoretical particle physicist at Caltech, focusing on M-theory, or, in layman's words, string theory.
 * Sandy: I see. Just give me a second. [Walks off-screen] SECURITY!


 * (Scene: A kids play area)
 * Leonard: Hi, I'm Doctor Hofstadter. Where is he?
 * Glenn: Ball pit.
 * (Cuts to the ball pit with Sheldon building something with the balls.)
 * Leonard: Thanks for not calling the cops.
 * Glenn: Oh, hey. It's no big deal. My sister's got a kid who's special.
 * Leonard: Yeah, well. He's extra special. (turns to Sheldon) Hey, Shelly. (Sheldon continues to build) What'cha doing?
 * Sheldon: Size ratio was all wrong. Couldn’t visualize it. Needed bigger carbon atoms.
 * Leonard: Sure, sure. How did you get into this place?
 * Sheldon: Back door has a five-pin tumbler system, single-circuit alarm. Child’s play. You can start sorting protons and neutrons while I build carbon atoms.
 * Leonard: No, I don’t think so. We need to go home now.
 * Sheldon: But I’m still working.
 * Leonard: If you don't come out of there, I'm going to have to drag you out.
 * Sheldon: You can try, but you'll never catch me. [He disappears under the balls]
 * Leonard: For god's sakes. Sheldon, come here!
 * Sheldon: [popping his head out] Bazinga. [Disappears, pops up in another place] Bazinga. [And again] Bazinga. [And again] Bazinga. [And again] Bazinga.


 * Bernadette: (she is not very happy) Oh, my God, have you ever been so embarrassed?
 * Penny: Not recently.
 * Bernadette: I don’t know which was lamer, their roller-skating or their disco dancing.
 * Penny: For me, the worst part was when people saw us leave with them.
 * Leonard: You had some nice moves out there, Howard.
 * Howard: Thanks. You, too.
 * Leonard: Yeah. Did you notice all the people looking at us?
 * Howard: Not really. I was in my boogie zone.
 * Bernadette: When Howard tried to do the splits…
 * Penny: Shh.
 * Leonard: Sorry. I’m moving a little slow. I think I bruised my coccyx.
 * Penny: Oh, poor baby.
 * Leonard: Don’t tell Koothrappali. After you.
 * Penny: Oh, what a gentleman. Hey, Sheldon. (Steps on marbles which are all over the floor, screams and falls)
 * Leonard: Oh, my God! Are you… (falls as well)
 * Sheldon: (in so such anger) Good Lord! You’re ruining everything!
 * Penny: Oh, damn.
 * Leonard: Are you okay?
 * Penny: Do I look okay?
 * Leonard: Don’t bark at me. I fell, too.
 * Penny: Oh, you’ve been falling all night. You’re used to it.
 * Howard: Sheldon, what the hell are you doing?
 * Sheldon: The same thing I’ve been doing for three days. Trying to figure out why electrons behave as if they have no mass when travelling through a graphene sheet.
 * Bernadette: (rather worried) With marbles?
 * Sheldon: Well, I needed something bigger than peas, now, didn’t I?
 * Bernadette: (1st time: asking Sheldon crossly) Sheldon, when was the last time you got any sleep?
 * Sheldon: I don’t know, two, three days. Not important. I don’t need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squatteth the toad of truth.
 * Penny: Toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?
 * Leonard: No, that’s a crazy thing.
 * Bernadette: (2nd time: asking Sheldon crossly)Okay, Sheldon. What happens to our neuroreceptors when we don’t get enough REM sleep?
 * Sheldon: They lose their sensitivity to serotonin and norepinephrine.
 * Bernadette: Which leads to…?
 * Sheldon: Impaired cognitive function.
 * Bernadette: Right, (now bosses Sheldon crossly) so march in there, brush your teeth and go to bed.
 * Sheldon: But I don’t want to go to bed.
 * Bernadette: I’m going to count to three. One…
 * Sheldon: Oh, all right.
 * Leonard: That was amazing how you handled him.
 * Bernadette: I know how to deal with stubborn children. My mother used to run an illegal day care center in our basement.


 * Scene opens with Sheldon taping on the wall above the bed in which Leonard and Penny are sleeping
 * Sheldon: (knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny.
 * Penny: (Startled by Sheldon, and screams)
 * Sheldon: (knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny
 * Leonard: WHAT!
 * Sheldon: I have good news.
 * Leonard: And you had to barge in here in the middle of the night and wake us up?
 * Sheldon: Your cell phone was off.
 * Leonard: That's because we didn't want to be disturbed.
 * Sheldon: Well that didn't work out did it?
 * Penny: Sheldon, what do you want?
 * Sheldon: I came to tell you I've got the answer.
 * Leonard: Really? You figured out the graphene problem?
 * Sheldon: No, no; I'm still hopelessly stuck on that, but I figured out how to figure it out.
 * Penny: Hay, you know Leonard, I know I said I could handle your roommate, but I was wrong. We're going to have to break-up.
 * Leonard: (to Sheldon) What are you talking about?
 * Sheldon: Einstein.
 * Leonard: Yeah, I'm going to need a little more.
 * Sheldon: Albert Einstein.
 * Leonard: Keep going.