Pinkasso

TONIGHT, PINKY, WE ARE HOSTING A PARTY, AND THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BE ATTENDING.

ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE? DO YOU THINK MARTHA STEWART WOULD APPROVE, BRAIN?

WE SHALL FIRE A ROCKET CARRYING BILLIONS OF TINY, SELF-ADHESIVE MIRRORS AT THE MOON. UPON DETONATION, THE MIRRORS WILL COVER THE ENTIRE SURFACE OF THE ORB, THUS CREATING A GIGANTIC DISCO MIRROR BALL.

NAAAARF!

AS HUMANITY SPENDS ITS EVERY WAKING MOMENT DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY, WE SHALL SEIZE THE PLANET!

BRILLIANT, BRAIN. OH, WAIT. NO. NO. WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET A ROCKET AT THIS HOUR?

FROM THIS RUSSIAN CATALOGUE, PINKY.

"MAD MOLOTOV'S WARHEAD WAREHOUSE. COLD WAR SURPLUS AT RED HOT PRICES."

WE'LL NEED IN EXCESS OF $23 MILLION.

EGAD, THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY. WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET IT?

I INTEND TO ESTABLISH MY REPUTATION AS AN IMPORTANT AND REVERED PAINTER, THEN USE THE PROCEEDS FROM THE SALE OF MY WORKS TO FUND OUR VENTURE.

INCREDIBLE, BRAIN!

NOT BRAIN, PINKY. FROM THIS MOMENT FORWARD, I AM TOULOUSE LAUBRAIN, ARTISTE MODERN. THE GALLERY OF MODERN ART. OUTSIDE THIS ARCHITECTURAL WONDER HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED MANY OF THIS ERA'S PREEMINENT ARTISTIC TALENTS, SOON TO INCLUDE TOULOUSE LAUBRAIN.

WHAT ARE YOU PAINTING, LAUBRAIN? OOF!

AFTER A PAINSTAKING COMPUTER ANALYSIS OF PAST ARTISTIC TRENDS, INCLUDING REALISM, CUBISM, SURREALISM, DADAISM, AND MAMAISM, I'VE BEEN ABLE TO PREDICT THE NEXT GREAT MOVEMENT-- DONUTISM!

YUMMY! OH, THAT'S THE BEST ONE YET, LAUBRAIN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, PINKY? IT'S THE ONLY ONE.

WELL, NOT QUITE, BUT YOURS IS THE ONLY CHOCOLATE. MAYBE IF YOU ALL GOT TOGETHER, YOU COULD OFFER DISCOUNTS ON A DOZEN.

Woman: AWFUL.

[SOBBING]

HOW BOURGEOIS.

HOW WRONGLY KITSCH.

[SOBBING]

PINKY, ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?

I THINK SO, BRAIN, BUT IF YOU REPLACE THE "P" WITH AN "O," MY NAME WOULD BE OINKY, WOULDN'T IT?

NO, PINKY. THOSE CRITICS WILL SEAL OUR FATE. I'M AFRAID THE ART WORLD HAS HAD ITS FILL OF DONUTISM.

HMM. MAYBE THEY SHOULD EAT MORE VEGETABLISMS, THEN WASH IT ALL DOWN WITH A NOURISHING GLASS OF MILK.

PINKY, THERE'S PAINT IN THERE. MMM? [GAGS] CHOO! PAINT IN MILK? SHOULDN'T THEY HAVE PUT THAT SOMEWHERE ON THE LABEL?

BRAVO.

SUBLIME.

HOW DID YOU ACHIEVE SUCH A DELICATE BALANCE BETWEEN COMPLEXITY AND SIMPLICITY?

UH, I GAGGED AND SNEEZED. POIT!

YOUR HUMILITY IS AS REFRESHING AS YOUR WORK, MR., UH PINK--

PINKASSO. MASTER PINKASSO.

AND WHO MIGHT YOU BE, SIR?

OH, WELL, HE IS TOULOUSE LAUBRAIN, SOON TO BE KNOWN AS--OOF--

THE MOUSE, UH, MAN WHO DISCOVERED PINKASSO AND HIS GREAT CONTRIBUTION TO THE ARTS, NASALISM!

NASALISM? WHY, IT'S STUNNING IN ITS PRIMAL ANGST.

AND RESPLENDENT IN ITS EMOTIONAL DENSITY.

TWO NOSES UP!

LOOK, THERE'S THE CRITIC FOR ART SNOB MAGAZINE.

QUICK, WE MUST GO FORTH AND PROCLAIM PINKASSO'S BRILLIANCE.

BEFORE ANYONE ELSE DOES.

PINKY, IT'S A MIRACLE.

LENNY AND SQUIGGY FINALLY GOT THEIR OWN SHOW?

NO, PINKY. YOU ARE ABOUT TO JOIN THE RANKS OF WORLD-RENOWNED ARTISTS. PREPARE FOR YOUR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME!

AFTER THAT, CAN I HAVE FIFTEEN MINUTES OF THE MACARENA?

DON'T TEST ME, PINKY.

Girl: CUTE, VERY CUTE.

[YAWNS]

TRÃS, UH-- WHAT DO YOU THINK, GENEVIEVE?

OH, WELL, IT IS VERY--

WHAT DO YOU THINK, FRANCOIS?

WELL, I THINK IT IS, UH-- VERY, UM WHAT YOU SAID.

YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU TOOK OUT THE "P" AND REPLACED IT WITH AN "O", MY NAME WOULD OINKASSO. HA HA.

[OOHS AND AHHS]

NOW TO UP THE ANTE.

DISGUSTING. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! AND, UH, YOU ARE? BOB DEL MONTE, CHAIRMAN OF THE HOUSE UN-AMERICAN ARTISTIC ACTIVITY COMMITTEE. THIS WORK IS OBSCENE AND INDECENT, AND WHEN I AM ELECTED PRESIDENT, I SHALL CLOSE THIS FACILITY PERMANENTLY. [GASPS] THIS STUFF MUST BE GOOD. PINKASSO IS A MASTER! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! DEMAGOGUE. TYRANT. PHILISTINE. TINY HEAD. BRAIN, MY ARM IS GETTING TIRED. YOU KNOW, THIS MAY AFFECT MY KNUCKLEBALL. OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD, PINKY. YOU MUST SUFFER FOR YOUR ART. BUT SHOULDN'T I BE PAINTING THE CANVASES MYSELF? DON'T BE SILLY, PINKY. NO MODERN ARTIST WORTH HIS SALT DOES HIS OWN WORK. YOU MEAN RED SKELTON DOESN'T REALLY PAINT THOSE CLOWNS? RED MAY BE THE RARE EXCEPTION, PINKY? NOW KEEP SIGNING. THE VALUE OF YOUR WORK IS ABOUT TO SKYROCKET. BECAUSE [CLEARS THROAT] IT IS MY SAD DUTY TO REPORT THAT WHILE WORKING ON A NEW PAINTING, PINKASSO'S NASAL PASSAGES BECAME OBSTRUCTED. ALL ATTEMPTS TO ADMINISTER DECONGESTANT WERE UNSUCCESSFUL. THE GREAT PINKASSO IS NO MORE. [GASPS] WE ARE FORTUNATE THAT PINKASSO WAS ABLE TO COMPLETE A SCANT FEW MASTERPIECES BEFORE HIS PASSING. Brain On TV: THE FINAL PINKASSOS WILL BE AUCTIONED TONIGHT. [SOBS] OH, BRAIN, WHY DID PINKASSO HAVE TO DIE? WHY? WHY? BECAUSE NO ONE REALLY APPRECIATES AN ARTIST UNTIL THEY'RE DEAD, PINKY. NOW YOUR WORK IS VIRTUALLY PRICELESS. BUT IT'S SO SAD. I--I FEEL AS IF I'VE LOST SOMEONE VERY CLOSE TO ME. TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS, PINKY, EXCEPT PERHAPS THE ONE IN YOUR HEAD. [GAVEL SLAMS] SOLD FOR $43,000 TO THE MAN IN THE BLACK FEDORA. THE BIDDING FOR OUR NEXT LOT WILL START AT $20,000. GREAT PINKASSO. [SOBS] ANOTHER DOLLAR. DOLLAR TO A DIME AND 29. SOLD! NEXT LOT. SOLD. SOLD. SOLD. SOLD. WHEW. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I BRING YOU THE LAST PINKASSO. [MUTTERING] PSST, BRAIN? WHAT IS IT, PINKY? WE'VE GOT ALL THE MONEY WE NEED, BRAIN? Man: I BID ONE MILLION DOLLARS FOR THE LAST PINKASSO. YES, WELL, PERHAPS WE'LL NEED A LITTLE EXTRA TO REDECORATE OUR OFFICES. UH, DO I HEAR 1. 5 MILLION FOR THE LATE PINKASSO'S FINAL MASTERPIECE? [SOBS] ANYTHING TO APPEASE MY SORROW. BECAUSE I CAN'T TAKE THE LOSS. [SOBBING] I HAVE IN THE WORLD. IF ONLY IT COULD BRING PINKASSO BACK. OH, NARF! IT'S SO SAD. I MISS HIM, TOO. HE WAS SO, SO LIKE THE WAY HE WAS. [SOBBING] NO, PINKY! [AUDIENCE GASPS] IT'S PINKASSO! HE'S NOT DEAD. HOW DARE HE BE ALIVE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS DOES TO THE VALUE OF MY PAINTING? [GULPS] [GULPS] THERE THEY ARE! FICKLE, AREN'T THEY? I SENSE EXTREME DISCOMFORT WILL SOON BEFALL US. YAAAAAAA! IS THIS WHAT YOU MEANT BY SUFFERING FOR YOUR ART, BRAIN? SOMETIMES THOSE OF US WITH VISION ENDURE HARDSHIPS ON THE ROAD TO GREATNESS, PINKY. NOW COME, WE MUST PREPARE FOR TOMORROW NIGHT. WHY, BRAIN? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO TOMORROW NIGHT? THE SAME THING WE NEARLY DID TONIGHT, PINKY, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE-- OW! PERHAPS WE SHOULD SIT OUT A NIGHT. THEY'RE DINKY, THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN