Rick Potion


 * Jerry: Try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape.
 * Morty: (Sighing) You're missing the point, Dad. I don't want girls. I want Jessica.
 * Jerry: Ah, well, I remember feeling that way about a young lady named "Your Mom" and that's not an urban diss. Your Mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her. I thought --


 * Morty: Come on, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that.
 * Rick: Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "Love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science. (Slurps)
 * Morty: Alright, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance.
 * Jerry: Yeah. I'm just going to... check on your Mom.
 * Rick: Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my Ionic Defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great.
 * Morty: Hey, listen, Rick. Y-Y-You know how you said that, you know, love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinking, you know, W-W-- could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing? You know, like, maybe make some sort of love potion or something?
 * Rick: Morty, that's such a poor use of my time. It's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver.
 * Morty: You know what? No, Rick! I'm not gonna hand you the screwdriver. I-I-I'm not gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick! I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. W-W-W-W-W-What about me, Rick? W-W-W-W-Why can;t you just help me out once -- once -- for once?
 * Rick: (Groans) You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass. (Clears Throat) Listen, this is called Oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. Do you know what a vole is, Morty? You know what a vole is? It's a -- It's a rodent that mates for lie, Morty. This is the chemica; released in a mammal's bbrain, you know, that makes it fall in love. Alright, Morty, I just got to (Burps) combine it with some of your DNA.
 * Morty: Oh, well, okay.
 * Rick: A hair, Morty. I need one of your hairs. This isn't "Game of Thrones."
 * Morty: Ow!
 * Rick: Alright, Morty. Whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Are you happy now, Morty?
 * Morty: Heck, yeah! Thank you, Grandpa, Rick.Hey, there's no... dangers or anything, or side effects.
 * Rick: W-W-W-What am I, a hack? Go nuts, Morty. It's foolproog. Eh, unless she has the flu.