My Dear Boy

Mr. Pickles: Season: 2 - Episode: 7

[incomplete]

[romantic music plays] [barking, whimpering] [gunshot]

Hunter: Aha! A long-nippled fox! Look at the nipples on this rare beauty! You’re gonna look great mounted on my wall. [laughs]
 * Tommy: Mr. Pickles!
 * - Okay.
 * - [sling!] "You sure did a good job killing me." Thank you." You’re welcome.
 * [opening]
 * Please!
 * No.
 * Please!
 * - N-O.
 * - Please! Guess what I’m making for dinner tonight.
 * Meatloaf again! - Meatloaf? My favorite! - Please! Ohh, Steve was throwing rocks at my window all night.
 * Who? Oh, down boy.
 * - Mr. Pickles’ man-pet? - No, Mr. Pickles.
 * Lives under the doghouse? You know, Steve Please?! No! [chuckles] You can’t have a BB gun.
 * It’s too much responsibility.
 * Fine.
 * Come on, Mr. Pickles.
 * [weeps] [sighing] Oh Aw, if I had a BB gun, I could shoot all kinds of things.
 * Bigfoot/Vito Pizzarelli: Ow! Huh? Hey, oh! Tommy and Mr. Pickles!
 * [Mr. Pickles barks]
 * - Who are you? You don’t remember me? Seriously? I used to be a Mafia hit man.
 * The witness protection turned me into a bigfoot.
 * - You caught me having sex with a deer.
 * - Oh, yeah! I stole your mother’s cherry pie.
 * Oh, I remember now! Bye! - Tommy, hold on.
 * - Okay.
 * I’d like to introduce you to my deer-wife.
 * [mwah!] And my deer-boy. Deerboy!
 * That’s me! Hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo So, Tommy, would you mind looking after him for a bit? The missus and I could use some alone time.
 * Maybe that could teach me about responsiblit Yeah, yeah, yeah.
 * Thanks, Tommy.
 * So, what do you wanna do, Tommy? Hey, I know Can you tell me what my butthole looks like? I ain’t never seen it.
 * Man: And there it was the most beautiful creature I ever seen.
 * Then I shot It in the face! [Laughs] Today I bagged a long-nippled fox, an albino "trhino," and I ran over that buck on my way in.
 * Let me know when you got something worth bragging about.
 * - [Laughs] - Good morning, fellas.
 * - [Groaning] - Huh.
 * Hello.
 * I’d like to purchase this BB gun.
 * It’s a surprise Whoa.
 * First you gonna has to fill out - some paperworks.
 * - Paperworks? You could be buying it to shoot the president’s eye out! What? So I’ms gonna need you to take a lie detector test.
 * Lie detector test?! That’s right.
 * Hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo Hey, yo, maybe we shouldn’t walk too far.
 * - Your dad says you’re my responsi - Hey, yo, look! - Huh? - Let’s go inside.
 * - No, Deerboy! - La-la-la-la! - Oh, no! - [Laughs] Hey, yo, look at all this cool stuff in here! - No, Deerboy! - [Laughs] No, stop that right now! Hey, look at all these other animals! How you doing? - No! No! - Hey! Jacuzzi water! Num-num-num! Oh, this is good, Tommy! - No, Deerboy! - Oh, hey! What’s this do? Wow! [Laughs] How do I get him to do what I say? [Distorted, demonic voice] The hell are you barking about, d - [Vehicle approaches] - Got to go.
 * See ya.
 * Hey, yo! - [Door closes] - Hey! Oh! Both: Trespassers! Hey! Oh [Humming] Aah! Steve! - [Growling] - Aah! [Barking, whimpering] [Laughs] Beverly, I-I trapped Steve! Oh, hey! Hello, Steve.
 * It’s nice to meet you.
 * Stop that.
 * Get back here, Steve! [Groans] You’re lucky you’re the Goodman’s kid, or we would’ve shot ya.
 * Now, what you doin’ in here, boy? You drink any of the Jacuzzi water? - Shut up, stupid! - [Laughs] It all started when my dad said I couldn’t have a BB gun, and - He’s right! - He’s right! You know what "BB" stands for, don’t you? - "Big" - "Babies.
 * " - Here.
 * - Have a man’s - gun.
 * - Cool! Now, let’s shoot up some beer cans! Good idea! - [Gunshots] - [Laughs] I meant shoot some empties outside! - [Laughs] - How stupid are you? Now, keep her steady! And fire! Whoa! Whoo-hoo! Well, I got to go find this talking deer, Deerb Both: Talkin’ deer?! - We got to kill it! - [Laughs] You can’t kill Deerboy! Both: Why come? ‘Cause a dead deer can’t talk.
 * Both: He’s right! Let’s grab some traps, and we’ll catch it alive! Wow.
 * We keep saying the sam Shut up, you ding-dong-diddiot! Come on, boy.
 * We got to find Deerboy before they do! [Whimpers] Ugh.
 * Is this really necessary? Is you or is you not, not, not a terrorists? - Not? - [Ding!] Is you an alien from the future sent to kill my unborn son’s daughter? - What? No.
 * What do you want from me? - [Ding!] I just want to know the truth! The truth is I’m just a normal guy who lives a very happy life! [Buzzer] Unh-unh.
 * I-I I live a happy life.
 * [Buzzer] I live a sad life? [Buzzer] I live a very sad life.
 * [Ding!] - That’ll be $7.
 * 95.
 * - Ohh! - [Telephone rings] - Hello? A talking what? Deer! That’s right, Joe Bob! In the woods by our cabin.
 * And once we gets it, we ain’t never gonna let it talk to you.
 * - Tommy: Hey! - Huh? I just saw Deerboy! - Oh! Whoo-whee! - Come on! We gonna get ourselves a Deerboy! No, boy.
 * He went this way.
 * Come on! I know you’re out here, Steve! [Yelling] [Both grunting] [Grunts] Now, who are you?! Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
 * What are you looking at?! Huh? Wow, wow, wow! [Laughs] Wow, wow.
 * Hey, baby! You want to fool around? You sound attractive.
 * [Sniffs] Oh, yeah! Unh! I think I love y Aaah! [Bellowing] There you are! We got to get out of here! Not now, Tommy! - Aaah! - A talkin’ deer?! - Get him! - Nooooo! [All yelling] Get that talking deer! [Yelling continues] - Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! - Huh?! So that’s what my butthole looks like.
 * - Come on! - Aah! [Whooping] So that’s what my butthole looks like.
 * Waaaah! Hey! Get back here, talking deer! [Yelling] Slow down! W-Wait for me, guys! Take my hand! [Yells] Oh, dang it! [Chuckles] Beer? Of course, stupid! Oh! That was close.
 * Boy: Please, seÃ±or.
 * Please no tell anybody about me talking donkey.
 * Bye, Donkeyboy! Adios, amigos! [Brays] [Laughing] You sure are hard to take care of.
 * Today was the greatest day of my li Aaaaaaaah! Wha? Oh, no! Mr. Pickles, go find Deerboy’s parents! [Barks] [Whines] [Urinating] Uh Steve? [Sighs] Hello? - [Water running] - Huh? Beverly, we need to talk.
 * I’ve been living a lie, and I owe you the truth.
 * Something’s changed in our relationship.
 * And that something is me eatloaf.
 * I can’t stand it anymore! I hate meatloaf! Please just make something else for dinner.
 * Don’t say anything.
 * I Just think about it.
 * [Cries] Tommy, I’m bleeding to death! You got to shoot me, Tommy! - What? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! You got to p-p-p-p-put me out of my m-misery! No! Look, I-I’ve led a wonderful life.
 * I got to see my butthole! [Sobs] But you still have your whole life ahead.
 * Ah, the good days are all behind me.
 * Few years from now, I’m working at the mall selling cellphone covers or meatballs or something.
 * I’m depressed.
 * Start drinking, smacking my wife around.
 * She don’t respect me no more, Tommy! She takes the kids and moves in with the beaver.
 * The beaver’s sucking her nipples all the time, Tommy.
 * One way or another, I end up with a gun in my mouth! You got to shoot me, Tommy! N-O! Do it! Blow my brains out, Tommy! No! You’re my responsibility! So take care of me! Shoot me, Tommy! - No! - Please! - No - Please! - Uh - Pleeeeeeeease! [Crying] Okay.
 * I’ll do it.
 * Bye, Tommy.
 * Bye, Deerboy.
 * [sobbing] [gunshot]
 * Both: Huh? [Laughs] Oh! You shot it! Our talkin’ deer! Oh, it talks, all right.
 * Hah! Eat me, ya dumb drunks.
 * [laughs] It talks! We should ho [belches] honor its wishes.
 * [laughing] [groans] In the old days, I would have sought revenge.
 * But now I got my Deerboy to look after.
 * - [grunts] - Thanks, Papa! - [laughs] - So long, Tommy.
 * - Stay out of trouble, kiddo.
 * - Bye! [Barks] Hey! Where’s my ma deer? She don’t feel good.
 * Ever again.
 * Good boy! Surprise! [chuckles] - No thanks, Dad.
 * - Huh? You’re right.
 * Guns are too much responsibility.
 * - Ohhh - Aha! Where’s Steve? Dad, enough - about your imaginary friend Steve! - Ohh Beverly: Well, the deer hunters dropped off some deer meat, - so I made deer-loaf.
 * - All right! - I-I’m glad we had that talk, dear.
 * - Huh? I’ve had enough deer.
 * I’m gonna try and go look at my butthole.
 * - Huh? - Oh? Good night, Papa.
 * Good night, my Deerboy. And goodbye, my deer wife.
 * - A talkin’ deer and a bigfoot?
 * - Huh? No, no, no, no! Don’t shoot!
 * Hunter: Your heads are gonna look great mounted on my wall. [laughs evilly] Raaaa Oh!
 * Bigfoot: Thanks, dog. Hey, you mind watching my Deerboy for a bit? Me and my new broad could use some alone time. [smooching]