The Parents

At Elmore Shopping

 * Now!
 * Huh?
 * Ow.
 * Why can't we just have one treat?
 * Because it's the end of the month, and I work a dead-end job where I get paid peanuts.
 * That's not a figure of speech, by the way.
 * Then why are we even here?
 * Because I asked for an advance on my next quarter, and they said "Yes."
 * Great! I know a place where we can get a full shopping cart for twenty-five cents. It's called the eighteen-sixties.
 * But not if you're shopping for a good deal.
 * What's she doing?
 * Sniffing out a bargain. Your mom's family always had this super ability to save money. I mean, she had a bowl haircut until she was six, but her parents didn't want to wear down a good bowl, so technically, she had a "doing a handstand in a pothole" haircut.
 * Aisle thirteen. Ha-ha-ha!  Corned beef!
 * "This can can be opened by women of reasonable intelligence with limited male supervision"?
 * Well, they're from the sixties, but look, only twenty cents for the whole pallet. I guess times were easier then if you were a man and not a minority and were comfortable with the constant threat of nuclear annihilation. Ha, how things have changed, huh?
 * Mm…
 * Yeah.
 * Hey. Hey! This is our food for the next month.
 * Back off, lady! We saw it first!
 * I grabbed it first!
 * Just leave it already. It's ours!
 * Dad? Mom?
 * Hey. Hey! This is our food for the next month.
 * Back off, lady! We saw it first!
 * I grabbed it first!
 * Just leave it already. It's ours!
 * Dad? Mom?
 * Dad? Mom?

Inviting the Senicourts

 * Oh, I can't believe it!
 * Yeah. You'd think that finding a tooth in this can would've put me off, and yet—
 * I meant how could you kids invite them to the house?
 * Because we deserve it, Mom. Think of it as a gift to us.
 * True. I can't deny you the right to know your grandparents just because of a grudge.
 * What? No! I meant that they owe us hundreds of Christmas presents.
 * I really thought I raised my children better.
 * Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. We'd profit much more if they bought one awesome, huge, lump present instead of a bunch of crummy ones.
 * Come on. Let's give this another chance.
 * Okay.
 * Just promise me you'll be good this time.
 * I can't just promise that.
 * Why won't you open up?
 * There's so much bad history between us. I mean, we stopped talking over twenty years ago.
 * Why are you so hard inside?
 * I guess it's a way to protect myself, but… you're right. I'll try my best to be open. Thank you, Richard.
 * Uh… anytime?
 * The atmosphere is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
 * What?
 * Oh, hang on. I said, "The atmosphere is so thick you could cut it with a knife."  Maybe I'll join them and try to lighten the mood.  Hey, how about a joke? I like my coffee the way I like jokes about the way about my coffee. I don't.
 * Wow, that's the second worst that joke ever went down.
 * It's not you, son. They just blame each other for what happened between them, but no one really knows whose fault it is. It's like "potato," "potart-wah." Who's to say which is wrong?
 * There's only one way to find out.
 * Of course. A backyard royal rumble. Last one standing gets to name the vegetable.
 * I mean we ask Mrs. Mom, Grandpa Daniel, and Granny Mary to air their issues, and we'll decide who's in the wrong.
 * And then we—
 * It's pronounced "potato," and no one's doing a Canadian Destroyer off a shed in the backyard!
 * Oh…
 * Okay, I'll start. You have always been disappointed in me.
 * Only because we loved you.
 * No! Because you always had insane expectations for me. Like how you made me wear those ridiculous clothes my whole life.
 * In life, you have to dress for the job you want.
 * Don't you think you started a little early?
 * Congratulations. It's a…
 * ...CEO?
 * Well, you were hardly easy yourself. Remember that finger painting you did for Mother's Day?
 * Hmm?
 * Well, maybe it all comes back to the stupid name you gave me.
 * Uh, what's wrong with "Nicole"?
 * "Nicole" is my middle name. My first name is "Doctor"!
 * Oh, it's all very funny until someone shouts, "It's there a doctor in the house?" and your parents say, "Yes." Turns out people choking on a chicken wing rarely stay conscious long enough to enjoy the punch line!
 * But we only wanted the best for you.
 * What? Like the time I needed a blood transfusion, and you gave me the wrong blood type?
 * Why settle for B minus when you can have A plus—
 * Nothing was ever enough! You forced me to join a gazillion after-school clubs!
 * We gave you every possible chance to succeed!
 * Yeah! All at the same time!
 * Ha!
 * That's a foul, Doctor Nicole.
 * Why?
 * It wasn't a karate match. It was a drama-club rehearsal of "Madame Butterfly."
 * That was the karate.
 * What kind of childhood was that? I was only eight years old.
 * Well, at that age, I was already ten.
 * See? That's your problem. You always let your anger get the better of you.
 * I spent years fixing the consequences of your outbursts.
 * Oh, please! There's nothing a child can break that can't be fixed with a bit of duct tape.
 * What about the time you kicked the neighbor's car?
 * Come on, I wasn't that bad.
 * You kidding me? You landed a kid in the hospital!
 * Literally. Not to mention the time you stole our car to see your boyfriend and landed in court!
 * Guilty!
 * Oops.
 * Again, literally.
 * What else was I supposed to do? You always disapproved of Richard. You never thought he was good enough for me.
 * That's not true.
 * Really? Still trying to set me up with some banking dweeb?
 * No offense, but we always thought she could do better than a slacker with a dead-end job who got their pants at the Army surplus store… in the parachute aisle.
 * How dare you! My wife's behind is so small only bats can hear her toot.
 * I meant you.
 * Then the joke's on you! I don't have a job.
 * But did you really have to walk out like that?
 * I left, because there was no point in trying to fix something that was beyond repair. I wanted to start over and create something better.
 * Us too, but we were too old to have another chiiiild— We have a dog now!
 * You never even came to our wedding.
 * We did. We went to Rsvp.
 * What?
 * On your invite, it said, "Rsvp."
 * No, Mom. It said, "RSVP."
 * Oh, right. Well, we went to the town of Rsvp in Moldavia.
 * I was the only woman in the region. Everybody tried to marry me, even a dog.
 * Like I said, we have a dog now.
 * Wait, is that why you sent Richard and I divorce papers for our first anniversary?
 * No, that was because you sent me retirement-home leaflets for my fiftieth birthday… with glitter!
 * Well, that's because you tried to ship Richard to Guatemala!
 * No, that was after you took power of attorney over us and got us committed for six weeks!
 * No, that was after you paid for our honeymoon, but replaced Richard with a neurosurgeon.
 * Well, that was after— After… Uh… Uh… Mm. I don't remember.
 * Me neither.
 * Then why are you still angry at each other? Why can't you just make peace?
 * We were at peace, Darwin, separately.
 * I meant you.
 * Then the joke's on you! I don't have a job.
 * But did you really have to walk out like that?
 * I left, because there was no point in trying to fix something that was beyond repair. I wanted to start over and create something better.
 * Us too, but we were too old to have another chiiiild— We have a dog now!
 * You never even came to our wedding.
 * We did. We went to Rsvp.
 * What?
 * On your invite, it said, "Rsvp."
 * No, Mom. It said, "RSVP."
 * Oh, right. Well, we went to the town of Rsvp in Moldavia.
 * I was the only woman in the region. Everybody tried to marry me, even a dog.
 * Like I said, we have a dog now.
 * Wait, is that why you sent Richard and I divorce papers for our first anniversary?
 * No, that was because you sent me retirement-home leaflets for my fiftieth birthday… with glitter!
 * Well, that's because you tried to ship Richard to Guatemala!
 * No, that was after you took power of attorney over us and got us committed for six weeks!
 * No, that was after you paid for our honeymoon, but replaced Richard with a neurosurgeon.
 * Well, that was after— After… Uh… Uh… Mm. I don't remember.
 * Me neither.
 * Then why are you still angry at each other? Why can't you just make peace?
 * We were at peace, Darwin, separately.
 * Then why are you still angry at each other? Why can't you just make peace?
 * We were at peace, Darwin, separately.

"If It's Too Hard to Forgive"



 * Okay. I know this is the cheapest, dirtiest kind of emotional manipulation, but there's too much on the line here, so...


 * Ten thousand reasons to give up
 * Too many words that piled up
 * I think we should go.
 * But you refuse to try and mend
 * Your broken past before the end


 * Your heart's too hard to understand
 * That sands of time slip through your hands
 * And no excuses can erase
 * The scars of time left on your face


 * If it's too hard to forgive
 * Then just give
 * Let go of the weight that won't let you live


 * Why keep playing this sad game
 * Of who should really take the blame?
 * The memories will fade away
 * They're growing further every day


 * You want the stream to change its course
 * Before it floods you with remorse
 * You only need to hit the brakes
 * To free yourself of your mistakes


 * If it's too hard to forgive
 * Then just give
 * Let go of the weight that won't let you live
 * Nicole, I—
 * Look, I don't wanna hear your excuses. I just want you guys back.
 * Mm, mm, mm-mm, mm
 * Mm, mm, mm-mm, mm
 * Well done, Gumball.
 * You really summed up their relationship with each other and helped them reconnect.
 * What's that now?
 * You know, "If it's too hard to forgive, then just give."
 * Pfft! That wasn't about them. That was about the Christmas presents they owe us!
 * You know, "If it's too hard to forgive, then just give."
 * Pfft! That wasn't about them. That was about the Christmas presents they owe us!