George Goes to Disneyland

Mouse! George, a mouse! I saw a mouse under the fridge. - Okay, relax. I'll get it. - Okay. Angie, this mouse could win us a trip to Disneyland! - But how, George? - I'll tell you. Tonight's episode isn't just about my first trip to Disneyland. - It's also a contest where you can win $10,000. - Hm. But you know what? Our viewers deserve more than that. I've got a hit show. How about 10,015? Dollars. And a VIP vacation to Disneyland and Disney's California Adventure parks. All you have to do is count every time you see this shape. Could be a picture of Mickey on a T-shirt. Could be something else that makes the Mickey shape. Softball, anyone? But look carefully, because there'll be between 50 and a 150 Mickeys. The rules are at abc. Com. You can enter at abc. Com, or stay tuned for an address we'll provide at the end of the show to mail in your entry. Describe each Mickey shape you saw and where you saw it on the show and whoever finds the most on our official list could win. And the contest starts, watch out! Right now. Man, this stain's never gonna come out, Dad. First Mickey. Carmen's T-shirt, in the kitchen. All right? Write it down, because they're not all gonna be this easy. Hey. How's it going with the boss' son? I don't know why Mel had to dump his kid on me. Mom, that guy's not cut out for anything at the factory. He's got your job down. And to think, Mel and a drunk cocktail waitress made that. - I'm awake. - I don't care. Tell your dad, write me up. Just remember my name. I'm Gina, from Inspecting. I don't know what problems you had at your school, but when you're here come on, man, you have to work. - What'd you hear about me and school? - Nothing. It's none of my business. - Did you hear I got busted for stealing a car? - Yeah. - Did you hear I punched out a teacher? - Yeah. You hear I knocked up the principal's daughter? No. Oh. Well, that just happened. You'll hear about it next week. Well, look. Anyone can fight and steal and knock a girl up but it takes a real man to file alphabetically. Get cracking, thug. - Who's the hottie in the picture? - That's my daughter. But she's fat and ugly now. Go file. Hey. I'm Zack. Powers. We were just talking about you. Your dad thinks you're fat and ugly. Oh, that's funny. He must've mistaken me for his head and that tie. I like the schoolgirl look. You girls ever wash cars for charity? Get all soapy. Fight over the hose. - George! - You, stay away from my daughter. And you, Carmen, go wait in the car. And you stop buying me these ugly-ass ties. - Max bought you that one. - I love it. It's nice. We're only here for a minute. Something special happened to Max at school today, and he wants to talk to you about it. Okay, Max. Nothing unusual about this. You're at that age. Next time it happens, just get a stack of books and put them in your lap and remember that God or Santa could be watching, son. I won "Most Improved Special Ed Student of the Month"! [GEORGE & ANGIE LAUGH] - Hey, that's great, buddy! - Yeah. The school even gave me a bumper sticker. You're supposed to put it on your car. "Proud Parents of the Most Improved Special Ed Student. " - I bet Mom's car would look - I already got one. So, what do you say that we celebrate, huh? Anything you want. Mom's taking me to Disneyland next Saturday and I wanna know if you can come this time. Saturday, huh? You're not sick, and you don't have to work. Heh. Thanks. You got me there. - Okay, Disneyland it is! - Great! Oh, do you think Grandma wants to come? Not unless they replaced Frontier Land with Smokey Drinkey Land. Bye. Disneyland with the family. Your wife's pretty hot too. Okay, for the last time. The women in my family are off limits. Except that one. You wanna see that all soapy washing your car in a schoolgirl outfit? I didn't think so. Watch out! Hey. What kind of car you got? Kids. We got to go. Disneyland opens in an hour. Yeah, big day. Hurry up. I'm going to Disneyland! Mom, why do you always have to film? - Because these are important memories. - But we never watch tapes. Starting this week, every Sunday is Family Video Night. [ALL GROAN] Way to go, Carmen. Why don't you just remind Mom that we haven't been to church in three Sundays? ANGIE: Ugh. It has been too long. We're going next week. Why don't you kids shut up before your mom sends me on a golf weekend without my family. Don't you do it. George Lopez. About to go to Disneyland for the first time in his life. - Say something, honey. - Well, I'm excited, okay? It's finally gonna happen this time. No excuses. [KNOCKING ON DOOR] What are Ernie and Ricky doing here? Oh, man. Am I glad I caught you. Listen, Social Services moved up Ricky's foster care hearing to today. If you don't come down as my character witness right now I could lose him forever. - Right now? - "Right now" right now. - Forever. A hearing? On a Saturday? You know, the courts are all backed up. George. Please. You've got to come. - Or they're gonna take Ricky away from me. - Forever. Look, buddy. You don't want your friend Ricky to end up in a bad home. - No. - Well, you know what? Then, I Looks like I'm not gonna be able to go to Disneyland with you. You guys are going to Disneyland? I wanna go! - You've got your hearing. GEORGE: Yeah. There's no hearing. Ernie wanted me to lie to get Mr. Lopez out of something. - Really? - Angie, please, okay? This kid burned down our garage, he stole our car and crashed into the fence. Are you gonna believe the words of a clearly troubled youth or the words of a loving and supportive husband for the last 17 years we've [WHISTLING] George! Ricky, get in the car. You're going to Disneyland. ERNIE: Ahem. - You too. [ERNIE GIGGLES] Look, Max, I'm Look, I'll make it up to you, man. We can go anywhere else you - Come on, Angie, you know I hate crowds. - Wait, wait, wait. I wanna get this on film. So when your son is in therapy 20 years from now he knows why you wouldn't go with him to Disneyland. So you were saying? Crowds. Look, Angie, you're making this worse than it is. If 20 years from now Max has a good enough job that he can afford a therapist, I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna go down to whatever bar Carmen's working at and we're gonna celebrate - Mom. - Ah! - Why are you stealing my food? - I'm not stealing it. - The way Angie cooks, I'm rescuing it. - Look, you're not going anywhere. - Why didn't you ever take me to Disneyland? - What? We lived 40 minutes from there. Why didn't you ever take me? What are you talking about, George? I took you when you were 6 years old. Don't do this. If you don't believe me, check the back of your arm. There's a scar there from when I dragged you under the fence. You did that with your fingernail to make the school think that I had my vaccinations. All right, here's the truth. I screwed up. I took you once, but you were too young to enjoy it. - Well, how come I don't remember? - Because you weren't born yet. I thought my water broke on the Matterhorn but it was just the splash at the end of the ride. Mom! I hurt my son because I wouldn't go to Disneyland and do you wanna know why? - Could you leave it on answering machine? Because you ruined it for me. I didn't wanna see all those kids having fun because it'd remind me of the other things I didn't have growing up. Like birthdays or Christmas or doctors with offices! I mean, what kind of dentist works out of a camper? Hey, Mom, I had to spit out the window! Pardon me. Let me get in my time machine, and go back and fix your childhood. [MAKES BLEEPING NOISE] Oh, my God, it worked! Look, there's a big baby in front of me. - Look, you just don't get it, do you? - I'll tell you what I don't get. If taking your kid to Disneyland is such a big deal then why aren't you there with Max? You know what, Mom? You're right. I should be there. I'm gonna stop this nonsense and go be with my family. I don't need your excuses. I don't need anything from you! I don't need your bad attitude, I don't need anything. Ernie blocked me in. I need a ride to Disneyland. Man, that's it. That's the castle Tinker Bell flies out of before the movies. You don't say. - You think Tinker Bell is here? - Yeah. I'm looking right at her. I can't believe you got me to come in here. Look, you are my ride if I can't find Angie. - Why don't I just wait in the car, huh? - Oh, no. Because you're gonna go to the nearest Indian casino and load up on the cheap smokes. That's right, I saw you eyeing the sign. Why don't you come with me? It's just like Frontier Land, except this time the Indians win. I can't believe I thought I would hate this place. Mom, it's amazing! What's amazing is this many people think they look good in cargo shorts. You can't admit this place is great because that'd mean admitting to being a horrible mother for never bringing me here! Mouse ears! I always wanted those! Oliver! You should cherish this day! And get some sun block. Could we please go home now? Come on, this place is huge. We're never going to find Angie and the kids. No, we're gonna search every inch of this park. From Mr. Toad's Wild Ride to Splash Mountain and then we'll go to Disney's California Adventure to see if they're on that new Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. Because I'm here to find my family. Oh, sorry, kids. He's not a character. That's his real head. ERNIE: That was a lot of fun, wasn't it? - That was good. I liked it. Okay, what should we do next? Oh, Ricky and I wanna go on the Haunted Mansion. Oh, I don't know. Isn't that a little scary? The ghosts ride in the car with you and you can see a woman's heart beating in her chest. That's not scary. Yeah, well, just in case, you better ride with me and we'll hold hands. I call middle. [PHONE RINGING] Yello. ZACK: Did you have a good time on Splash Mountain in your little green shirt? - Who is this? - Look behind you. - What are you doing here? - I wanted to see you. - You were following me? That's creepy. - No, it's flattering. If my dad found out you were following me, he'd kill you. Yeah, well your dad's not here. - Ditch your family come with me. - Are you crazy? No. According to my school psychologist, I'm only a danger to myself and hot girls. - Here. I got you something. - Look, my dad has told me all about you. So I don't wanna talk to you. I don't want you following me. And I don't want anything to do with you. Oh, my God, that's the necklace I wanted. Yeah. I saw you trying it on. ANGIE: Carmen! Carmen! - I better go. - I'll be right behind you. Wait. You better hide this. Come on! Mom said we have to take a picture with Goofy. - Do without me. - We can't. You're Goofy! [BOYS LAUGHING] - Having fun yet? - No! - Having fun yet, Mom? - No! [GEORGE LAUGHS] - Now? - No! How about now? [BENNY SCREAMING] [BENNY LAUGHING] GEORGE: Hey! - Oh, that was awesome! - Yeah, great. You sit in a log and ride over a waterfall. You know, that's how the Canadians sneak into the country. Mom, come on. I know you had fun. - No, I didn't. - Really. Then why are you smiling in this picture? - All right, I had fun. - Imagine that look on my face as a kid. George, look around you. Why would I show you a place with all these happy families having a great time and then take you back to the dump we lived in? You would've been miserable. So, to keep me from being sad, you made sure I was never happy? George. If crap is all you know, then it's not crap. It's normal. Mom, when you're a little boy, and your bed is surrounded with rat traps and you're jealous because the rats are getting cheese, you know it's crap! You're so messed up, you don't even know how to have a good time with your own family. Hey. There's your family over there. Go be normal. - I will. - Wanna see it. - I'll go on all the rides with them. - Goodbye. I'll eat with them. I'll wait while they go to the bathroom. I'll wait while Angie videotapes everything that she sees. - Two can move faster than seven. - We'll go light, we'll hit everything. Come on. [GEORGE SPEAKS IN SPANISH] Hey, I know it's the new Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. - But don't be scared. - I hear it's a 13-story drop. Protect me, Grandma Cardenas. My mom's gonna see you. I got something else I wanna give to you. [THUD] [CARMEN SCREAMING] - Having a good time, honey? - Why? What'd you see? Heh, heh. You've been smiling. [CARMEN CHUCKLES] Well, this day has been a lot more fun than I thought it would be. - Yeah? Good. - Mm-hm. I wanna do the teacups. - Teacups are for babies. - No, they're for everyone. There's some grownups on them. GEORGE: Hey! Ha, ha, ha. George? Oh, my God, I thought you were gonna get sick, Mom. - Hey. CARMEN: Hey. Hey. Dad, what are you and Grandma doing here? I felt bad about not being with you, so I came down to find you. Where you been? I been looking everywhere. On the teacups? Yeah, that way I could look everywhere at once. [SPEAKS IN SPANISH] But you missed almost the whole day. Max, I'm sorry I couldn't be here with you, okay but let me make it up to you. Next weekend we'll come down here, we'll be coming here early, we'll go on all the rides. It'll be a guy's day. Me and you, Max. No, because next weekend I have to study for a big test. - Well, I don't. I'll be here. - George. - Can't I wake Dad up to say good night? - No, honey. Let him sleep. Yeah, you're right. - The little fella's had a big day. - Heh, heh. [SINGING] Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me The dog has the keys! Mom. What are you doing here? Nothing, I forgot my smokes. - What's this? - I don't know. It's your yard. My ears. Thanks, Mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's a good thing you didn't have those ears when you were a kid. Because you would've gotten your butt kicked. Kids don't beat you up for wearing mouse ears. I would have done it! Well. You're home late. Aren't you, Dad? Sorry, Max. I had to work. There's a lot of parts coming in and delays, and - Really. Because I called the factory. And they said you left early with a tummy ache. I went to the doctor, Max. You didn't see me at lunch. I was like: Ugh. I knew it. You went to Disneyland without me. Max, it's not what it looks like.