Commodore Returns

1 Previously on "Another Period" - Are you a bitch? - What? Tell these men this used to be an illegal gambling den. We're gonna take ya far away. Well, I thought we were moving product here, Blanche, starting a drug ring, which would spread to other asylums, and from there trickle down to the nation's - poorest neighborhoods. - You get caught in here, you get dragged back to the treatment room, and you wind up like that. [GRUNTS] My Prince Charming left a clue. Come back, mystery lady! Maybe you can write him a really smart letter for me. Of course I will help you write that letter. [CHUCKLES] Write back saying that I want to meet Wednesday at sunset. This is my house now. You live here no more. - I've always loved you. - I don't need you, Peepers. [SLOW STRING MUSIC] - [CLEARS THROAT] - [GASPS] What is it, Peepers? Can't you see I'm in the middle of my afternoon stare? I'm very sorry, Madam. It's just [COUGHING] He just let himself in, and I couldn't stop him. [COUGHS] Dodo I've come home to die. [COUGHS] You're dying? Of what? Well [PANTING] I have acquired an immune deficiency sickness. Dodo, I have nowhere else to go. Please let me die in my home. Fine, but it's my house now. And try not to die right there. I just had the carpets cleaned. Ring twice if you're about to die. I'll fire up the incinerators. I want the money, I want the fame I want the whole world to know my name This is mine, I got to get it I got to get it, got, got to get it "Another Period" [SOLEMN MUSIC] Good little worker. You know, Blanche, I've been thinking about you a lot. I think I finally figured out why you were just giving the pills away. I'm trying to help people. Learned a lot on the inside. I've learned that euchre is [BLEEP] boring. I've learned that vaginas come in a shockingly wide range of depths and dimensions. And I've learned that you, Mama Blanche, have a taste for power. What are you trying to say? We can make some real money, Blanche. We just need to get this stuff out of the asylum. The world is our vagina, Blanche. Let's stuff it full of drugs! There's a hole at the bottom of the gate, where inmates' husbands put their manhood for conjugal visits. We could get the drugs out there. - And then you'll pass it off? - Oh, I would, but years of stirring thick stews and carrying large cauldrons of your family's waste has given me monstrously large forearms. They are grotesque. We need someone with smaller arms, a woman we can trust, a woman who hasn't worked a day in her life. I've never carried anything. I'll make the arrangements. You a freaky girl, freaky girl You a freaky girl, freaky girl You a freaky girl Ooh, yeah that's you are dirty. Oh, "bent over the well. " Oh! [PAN CLATTERS] [COUGHING] [FAKE WHIMPERS, COUGHS] So now that you are no longer in charge of Bellacourt, I am no longer your employee. In light of this, I feel it is my duty to tell you, I hope you are really dying. That seems unnecessarily cruel. What I mean is I hope this this this illness is not meant to deceive the great Dodo Bellacourt. Oh, is that what you call her now? The great Dodo Bellacourt? Of course. She was born a meager old money millionaire, but lifted herself up by her velvet napping slipper straps to become an old money multi-millionaire. She is a champion of the Tableau Vivant, an elephant collector, and a charcuterie connoisseur. She's a fan of ham, huh? - Indeed. - [GRUNTS] I didn't know that. Actually, I don't know much about Dodo at all. I wish I did, especially [COUGHING] before I die of this terminal illness. [COUGHING] [SOFT PIANO MUSIC] What would you like to know? I can talk about her for hours. Her name, Dodo, what's that stand for? You were married to her for 40 years and you do not know what her name stands for? Is it Do-do-do-do-do-do-do? It is Dorothea Millicent Quvenzhane Charles. The quirky moniker Dodo just captures her whimsical personality. - Where is she from? - Some say heaven, others Rhode Island, but it is not her name or where she's from that impresses me most. It is her six unique scowls, one for when her turtle soup is cold, one for when she hears the laughter of children, one for when the sun is out, one for a federal holiday, one for foreigners, and a special scowl for when a servant speaks directly to her, like so. How do you know so much about her? I have served Lady Dodo faithfully for many years, and once we made love on a boat, and once she sucked my [BLEEP] on a stagecoach. [CACKLES] Ha! Oh, Peepers, I've never heard you make a joke. [COUGHING] Very funny. But if you ever say anything like that again, I'll cut your throat. I understand and accept your mixed message, sir. Blame it on the alcohol Girl, I'ma have it all I cannot wait to see the look on Beatrice's vacuous face when she realizes that the man who was supposed to help her get over Frederick is Frederick! [LAUGHS] Beatrice. Frederick? Fre Be - Hello. - What are you doing here? Did you follow me? I was here first. Frederick, stop stalking me. This is where I'm meeting my beloved. I am not stalking you. This is where I'm supposed to meet my beloved as well. Frederick, you have to go now. I can't let my beloved see me here with you. I am not going anywhere. I made an appointment to meet my beloved, and I want to be prompt. Fine. We will wait for our beloveds together. - Fine. - [SCOFFS] [BIRDS CHIRPING] Wait a second. Beatrice [SOFT PIANO MUSIC] Has it ever occurred to you that your beloved and my beloved Could show up at the exact same time and it would be so awkward? No. - Beloved! - Beloved, I'm here! - Beloved! - Beloved, come quick! Beloved! [TENSE STRING MUSIC] [ELECTRONIC SYMPHONIC MUSIC] [GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC] Uh, Dodo [COUGHS] how about those children of ours? Lillian is a ward of the state; Beatrice became addicted to an X-ray machine; and Frederick is a national embarrassment. Well, at least Hortense is dead. No, she's alive and well, sadly. - More meringue, Madam? - No, they're too moist. They're practically pornographic. [CHUCKLES] I know that scowl. That's the one you do when a servant speaks to you directly. [CHUCKLES] I didn't know you noticed such things. I also know your name is Dorothea Millicent Quvenzhane Charles. That is my name. [SOFT PIANO MUSIC] Commodore, you're going to dribble on the wainscoting. You might as well join me here at the table. [GRUNTS] [DISH CLATTERS] [GRUNTS, SNIFFS] So, Dodo How are you? Me? Well [CHUCKLES] I I don't think you've ever asked me that before. Well it never seemed the right time. Oh, I'm fine, actually. I wish I could get closer, but I'm afraid I'm contagious, being so sick and all. [COUGHS, WHEEZING] [DISCORDANT ELECTRONIC MUSIC] [SOFT STRING MUSIC] Oh, I thought running a drug ring from an insane asylum would be glamorous. Okay, whoever's on the other side, you better not put anything besides money in my hand. - Got her! - Ah! Let go. [SCREAMS] Help! Ow. Help! [SCREAMING] You can't do this! Help! I'm a rich person! Do you have any idea who I am? [WHIMPERS] I'm Lillian Bellacourt. [ELECTRICITY DRONING] [SCREAMING] Ah, Peepers, just the man I wanted to see. Dying seems to agree with you, sir. I've rarely seen you look more vital. I'm on death's door. [COUGHS] What is it you want? Do you wish to pilfer more of my notions to ingratiate yourself to Dodo? Why, yes, in fact. What do you think of this gift I got her? It's a bag of snakes. [SNAKES HISSING] Most men would've chosen flowers. Flowers die in a day. Snakes live for 30 years! Peepers, you seem to know what I should say to Dodo. I have an idea. Does it involve drowning those snakes? No! I want to do that thing from that play Dodo made me see in the late '90s, Chryanost da Balzniak. - Cyrano de Bergerac, sir. - Yes, let's do that, but less boring, and not with rhyming couplets. Nobody talks like that. She is the sun on a cold winter's day, providing no warmth, but lighting the way. Whoo! [CACKLES] Oh, what is that? No one talks like that, unless they're a poet who's never ever had sex. [LAUGHS] He used my words to get in Dodo's good graces. Now I will use them to let her see his two faces. [SOLEMN STRING MUSIC] I'm free! [CHUCKLES] And all I had to do was sell out Lillian to the orderlies. Poor thing's memory was erased. Nobody [BLEEP] with Mama Blanche. [HIP-HOP MUSIC] How long have we been waiting here? - 12 days. - 12 days? Or an hour. I don't know. If one of us would go inside and have a servant read a clock to us, - then we would know for sure. - I'm not going. Well, either way, it's starting to look like - we've been jilted. - I know. I was so looking forward to kissing my beloved and making you watch. Frederick, I feel what's that thing where your face goes like this? [GASPS] I have that too! [CRICKETS CHIRPING] - Frederick? - Yes? [SOFT PIANO MUSIC] Do you think that maybe It would make us feel better if we kissed each other? Maybe it will. It won't be like kissing our beloveds, but it will be like kissing somebody. Something about that kiss Really reminded me of my beloved. [CHUCKLES] - Me too. - Oh, Beatrice, will you ever forgive me for sending you to a nunnery? - Oh, I forgot about that. - Oh, well, that's good. - But now I remember. - Damn it! But I forgive you, Frederick. - Oh. - Accidents happen. [EXHALES] Well, I should go. There's no use standing around here. Thank you for the feel-better kiss. You're welcome. Fre Fre - Did you call my name? - No. Hm, all right. Hey [GASPS] I used to have a ring just like that. - Well, bye, Beatrice. - [SIGHS] [ELECTRONIC SYMPHONIC MUSIC] I wonder whose ring this is. It's not even fun anymore. Frederick. It's [BLEEP] Frederick! Frederick is your [BLEEP] beloved! It's his [BLEEP] name on the [BLEEP] ring! Frederick? [SLOW STRING MUSIC] We're very much alike. [CHUCKLES] Who is this masked stranger? [GRUNTS] My Prince Charming left a clue. I met someone special at the ball. That's odd, because I met a woman at the ball. And the only clue I have is this ring. He left it inside me. I used to have a ring just like that. Whose ring could this be? It's [BLEEP] Frederick! Are you sure? [LAUGHS, PANTING] [MANIACAL LAUGHTER] It's not fun anymore. Frankly, I'm worried my brother and sister have debilitating brain infections. Oh, I hope it's not catching. I really feel like I've been coming into my own lately. Well, I got sent to the treatment room, and it wasn't so bad. I mean, I don't remember who I am or why every time I cough a pill pops out of my pussy, but I'm going home! Wherever that is. [HUMMING] Ah, there you are. Are you sure you're cured? I thought you might be a lifer in there. Where am I? Who are you? [SCOFFS] I came all the way out here to do a patient transport. The least you could be is polite. Do you know how drunk I'd be if it weren't for this? It's 10:00 a. m. I'd be blinkered to my gilders. Now let's get you to the paddy wagon. Wait, your accent, it's making me feel as though I should mistreat you, but I have to tell you, sir, I haven't the foggiest idea who you are. Why, I'm Officer O'Kelly. I'm the one that took you here. Don't you remember? That's just the thing. I don't remember anything. - I don't remember who I am. - So let me get this straight. You don't remember who you are, and you don't remember where you are. [DARK AMBIENT MUSIC] All right then, well, we should get you home, shouldn't we? - Home - Come with me, dear. We move in slow motion We drinking all the potions Right Dodo! Dodo! [GASPS] Two, three, four. [VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING] - I've been a fool for too long. - I've been a fool for too long! I've loved you since the moment I met you. I've loved you since the moment I met you. And now I want to tell you Now I want to tell you I'm not actually sick. I was lying. I'm not actually sick. I was lying. [DRAMATIC STING] I am lying. Truth be told, I thought I could trick you into marrying me again. I'm sorry. [SOFT PIANO MUSIC] I really had fun getting to know you. Good bye, Dodo. [WHISPERS] Good bye, Commodore. - Commodore - Yes? That's the first time in our entire marriage you've told me the truth. Oh, uh, I also brought you snakes! S [CHUCKLES] What a charming and long-lasting gift. What? - Commodore - Yes? Come upstairs. I'll be right there, darling! [GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC] Oh, Dodo where does one even begin? I love the way you despise your children and the bulging vein in your forehead when you berate the servants. I love your long, depleted bosoms. But most of all, Dodo I love you and all the many women that you are. Well, I suppose you're with the man you were always meant to be with. Perhaps now, he can appreciate you. [BOTH MOANING] [MOANING] Oh, Commie! - [PANTING] - Oh! Oh. Okay [GRUNTS] Here's your kitchen, where you cook me three squares a day, of course, usually. And this is the other room. Two total. Just enough for our tiny little family, isn't it? I live here? Oh, well, you don't just live here. This is where we eat, and this is where we pray. And, of course [SOFT FLUTE MUSIC] We make love here. I make love to you? Why would I do that? Your face is physically ugly, and you smell of steamed cabbage. It's boiled cabbage, dear, and you make love to me with no protection, because you're my wife. I'm your wife? Well, if you say so. [SOFT PIANO MUSIC] When my dreams come true I will be with you And we'll be so right So right [PICTURE FRAME SHATTERS] Together every day - No more. - [SHATTERS] And night When my dreams come true When my dreams come true [WHIMPERS] [WHIMPERING] So, my name is O'Kelly, Kerrtrussel O'Kelly. Your name's Kerrtrussel? - Ay. - What's my name? Oh, your name Be Garbage Ella. Garbagella. Like Cinderella, but with more coffee grinds. My name is Garbagella? - Ain't it though? - Hold on if you're my husband, where's my ring? Uh, you hate jewelry. You never liked it. But you love oral sex. - That's your big thing you love. - [GASPS] You hate jewelry all day, but you love a good gaggin'. - [SOBBING] - Oh, sorry! Come. Sit next to me on the green couch you love so much. [SIGHS] [GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC] - Kerrtrussel - Hi, darling. Why do we live here? It's so terrible. Ay, it's not ideal, but it needs a woman's touch. That's right. A woman's nice, soft touch. Now take this, and make everything spit-shined to your liking. [GASPS] Oh, no. Am I a servant? No, no, you're not a servant. You're a wife. The job description is roughly the same, but you'll figure it out. [SOBS, GRUNTS] [GRUNTS, SOBBING] [SOFT PIANO MUSIC] [SLOW-MOTION MOANING] Hell's bells. [GRUNTS] Dodo! Oh, Peepers. Stare into space. That's what you do best. Just stare into space. And cry. - Whatever you say. - Yes, whatever I say. That's music to my ears. If you say so.