The Day the Bird Stood Still

Iago: (While sneaking into the Sultan’s bathtub and using the Sultan’s voice) Ahhhh… a bath fit for a sultan. (Back to normal voice) Ohhhh… oils, silky, imported, expensive oils for that coconut fresh all-over tingly feel. (Pouring bath oils over himself) Iago, my friend, you were made for the finer things in life. (Seeing Rasoul enter the bath chambers) AHHH!

Rasoul: (Entering the bath chambers) Fiend! What are you doing in the sultan’s private bath?

(Cut to later in the day, Aladdin, Jasmine, Sultan, Rasoul, Abu and Iago are standing in the Throne Room)

Sultan: Well, Iago…

Iago: (whose feathers are still messed up from the bath) I’ve got embarrassing, flaky skin, ok?

Abu: (laughs hysterically)

Iago: (Makes a vain attempt to fix his feathers)

Aladdin: I think Sultan’s more concerned about the breaking in part.

Iago: I… uhhh… it’s all his fault. (Pointing at Aladdin) He said I could use the royal bath!

Aladdin: (Laughs nervously and grabs Iago) Uhhh… one moment with the bird. (To Iago) You’d do anything to save your tail, wouldn’t you?

Iago: Hey, if you didn’t live in that moldy, old hovel, none of this would be happening! In the good, old days, when I used to live in the palace… I had caviar, manicures, a reclining chair that vibrates (Imagines he is in a vibrating chair) Ohhhh!

Hakim: (Enters from Throne Room door, carrying a scroll) Your Highness! Your Highness! A most disturbing message. (begins reading from the scroll) “Sultan, by now you will have noticed that you are turning to stone."

Jasmine: Father, no!

Hakim: "You have been cleverly cursed by a turn-a-man-to-stone-spell, and only I, Abis Mal, possess the cure."

Rasoul: The fiend!

Hakim: (Continues reading) “Turn Agrabah over to me, Abis Mahl, Scourge of the Desert, or you will be stone by nightfall!"

Abu: Oh, no!

Sultan: Cleverly cursed… but how?

Hakim: (Again continues to read) “PS: In case you are wondering, it is your bath oils that I cleverly cursed.”

Sultan: (Lets out a sigh of relief) Well, good thing I haven’t yet bathed.

Iago: AHHH! I used the bath oils, it’s me! I’m turning to stone! (Begins to cry hysterically and falls over)

Aladdin: (Feels Iago’s wing) You don’t feel like you’re turning to stone.

Iago: (screaming) I am! I am! It’s happening, and it’s all your fault… you and your hovel!

Aladdin: (Winks at Jasmine) Well, we could use a new statue in the garden.

Jasmine: (Laughs)

Iago: (Going over to Abu and hugging him) You! You’ll miss me, won’t you Abu? Old pal?

Abu: (Jokingly) Oh… I don’t know, maybe, maybe not…

Iago: (Panicking) Go on! Joke! I’m cursed, doomed, end of the line, game over, do not pass go! (Walks angrily away from Abu and towards where Aladdin, Jasmine, and Sultan are standing) And, it’s all because I took the bullet for the sultan.

Aladdin: (Reaching down and ruffling Iago’s feathers) Iago, relax, you may be molting, but you’re not turning to stone! Abis Mal must be bluffing.

Iago: Really? Bluffing? (Begins to smile) Ohhh... (Laughs hysterically) Yes! He’s bluffing! I’m not turning to stone! In fact, I never felt better in all my life. Look what I can do! (Begins to tap dance… suddenly, he begins to convulse, resulting with his tail turning to stone.) NO!!!

Aladdin: (Gasps) Iago!

Iago: (Nearing tears and cradling his tail) Why me? All I ever wanted was caviar, manicures, a reclining chair that vibrates… is that so much to ask?

Aladdin: (Rolls his eyes and rubs his lamp) Genie, quick!

Genie: (Popping out of the lamp) Hey, what’s up guys? (Stops talking and stares awkwardly at Iago) Ohh… Iago, trying a new look? (Turns into a tiny, stone statue next to Iago) The sculpted physique… kind of a daring fashion statement. (Genie’s arms fall off) Hmm, Genie de Milo! (Pops over to Iago and picks up his tail) Stone, masculine, yet fragile… I wouldn’t recommend it.

Iago: (Lets his tail drop onto the floor and falls onto his back) Ohhhh, the humanity!

Genie: (To Aladdin) What’s with him?

Aladdin: Genie, it’s a curse! He’s turning to stone!

Genie: (Goes to Iago) Ahhh! Ohhh! This is serious! I’ve got just the thing… (Pulls out a book and begins to read from it) “So, you’re turning to stone… it is well known that the bite of a Rock Efreet will turn a man to stone. Also birds and other living creatures.”

Iago: (Again near tears, lying on the floor and covering his head) I wasn’t bitten by a Rock Efreet!

Genie: (Tapping Iago on the head) It is the Efreet venom which holds the spell.

Jasmine: Abis Mal put Rock Efreet venom in Father’s bath oils!

(Cut to Abis Mal’s lair)

Abis Mal: (Talking to the Rock Efreet, which he has in a cage) Well, you were an expensive purchase weren't you, Mr. Rock Efreet? (Pokes Rock Efreet with a stick) Hey, I’m talking to you! (To Haroud) Do you think we paid too much for this guy? I hate paying too much!

Genie: (Tapping Iago on the head) It is the Efreet venom which holds the spell.

Jasmine: Abis Mal put Rock Efreet venom in Father’s bath oils!

(Cut to Abis Mal’s lair)

Abis Mal: (Talking to the Rock Efreet, which he has in a cage) Well, you were an expensive purchase weren't you, Mr. Rock Efreet? (Pokes Rock Efreet with a stick) Hey, I’m talking to you! (To Haroud) Do you think we paid too much for this guy? I hate paying too much!

Haroud: It is worth any price if we can take Agrabah without confronting the genie!

(Efreet pulls the stick out of his hand and spits chewed particles of it onto Abis Mahl)

Abis Mal: I do not like this Efreet. In fact, there is only one person that I do not like more than I do not like this Efreet. (To Haroud) Do you know who that person is?

Haroud: The Genie, sir?

Abis Mal: No, you are wrong! For, it is… the genie! He’s always foiling my plans! In fact, I think it is worth any price if we can take Agrabah without confronting the genie!

Haroud: (Sarcastically) Oh, you have a very dangerous mind, sir. I’m glad I’m on your side.

(Cut to Iago sitting on the throne steps)

Iago: (Almost crying) There's no cure for Efreet venom. I’m done for… poor little me!

Aladdin: You’re not done for. We’ll find some way to save you.

Iago: How?

(Genie appears dressed as a wizard. He has a cauldron.)

Genie: (Measuring ingredients into the cauldron) An ounce of bibbidi, a pinch of bobbidi, and a lot of boo.

Iago: (Climbing onto the side of the cauldron) What’s that stuff do?

Genie: It’ll cure you! It’s asperglycerin.

Iago: Ok, drip away…

(The drip hits Iago, and the shot cuts to outside the palace where an explosion is seen taking place. The shot then cuts back to the Throne Room with Genie and Iago)

Genie: Oops. Nitroglycerin.

Iago: (Falls over) You jerk!

(Shot cuts to a time a few minutes later with Iago hanging tightly on to the Sultan)

Iago: Sultan, trade the kingdom! Then, Abis will give us, no, give me the antidote! I’ll be flesh and feathers again… see!

Sultan: Iago… I… I… I’m very sorry, but you see, I just can’t… You know, me people, my city… ohhh… Jasmine, help me explain.

Jasmine: Iago you know we would… if we… could.

(Iago begins to cry quietly and walks away)

Genie: (Also begins to cry) Awww… Iago, don’t be sad. (Begins to make riches appear around him) Look! Gold, jewels, caviar, manicures… a reclining chair that vibrates!

Genie: I’ll make sure you have the best last day on earth ever!

Iago: (Barely manages to squeak his words out) Last day on earth? Sorry, impending doom takes all the fun out of decadent living. (Jumps out of the chair and falls hard because of his stone tail) Ow! (Groans) All I really want now is a longer life. (Begins walking slowly towards the door)

Aladdin: (Determined) We’ve got until sunset. I will find a way to save him.

(Iago continues slowly down the stairs)

(Cut to Iago sitting alone outside the palace next to a large pond)

Iago: Uhhh… stone, big deal. I’m better off as a statue, no more monkey pestering me, no Sultan bugging me about borrowing his bath oils… (almost crying) no more me. If I ever get out of this, I’ll kiss that stupid monkey! (Begins to cry hysterically) I don’t want to be stone! I wanna kiss the monkey! I want to live! (Imagines himself as a statue in the pond) I… I can’t let it happen! I won’t let it happen!

(Cut to Abis Mahl sitting in his lair, watching the time until sunset tick away in an hourglass)

Abis Mal: (Laughs evilly) Soon, Agrabah will be under my control, and I’ll…

Haroud: We’ll be living a life of luxury, yes, I know.

Abis Mal: Caviar, manicures, ohhhh… big hat! That’s the best part! Big ol' hat!

(Iago enters)

Iago: Ahem, hello Abis Mal, Scourge of the Desert.

Abis Mal: Ahhh… the bird. I knew you’d be first to kiss up to Sultan Abis Mal! (Laughs) What did you bring me?

Iago: Well, uhhh… the Sultan isn’t turning to stone, see?

Abis Mal: What?

Haroud: He says, “The Sultan isn’t…”

Abis Mal: I heard!

Iago: (Yelling) But, I am! I’m turning to stone! May I please have the antidote, then we can all get on with our lives, especially mine!

Abis Mal: (Grabbing Iago by the throat) What were you doing in the Sultan’s bath oils, huh? Answer me that!

Iago: (In a choked voice) Flaky skin?

Haroud: (Removing Iago from his grip) Sir, all is not lost. We will simply trade the antidote to Iago.

Abis Mal: (Yelling) For what? He’s a bird! He has no hat!

Haroud: Who is always foiling your plans? The only person you do not like more than the Efreet? Blue… hmmm… magical? (Iago tries to interrupt and Haroud covers his mouth) Don’t help him!

Abis Mahl: (Clearly not knowing the answer) Hmmmm… uhhh… ohhhh… a blue... magical... uhhh… fish?

Iago: The genie, Einstein! (Knocking on Abis Mahl’s forehead) The genie! (Gasps when he realizes what he is saying) The genie?

Haroud: Our little feathered friend gets the antidote in return for bringing us Aladdin’s genie! And, we conquer Agrabah trouble-free.

Abis Mal: (Giggles) Genius! I’m glad I thought of it.

Iago: (Trying to sneak away) This isn’t exactly what I had in mind… I… uhh… (Suddenly he begins to convulse, resulting in his wing turning to stone. He falls off the chair he was balanced on)

Haroud: You were saying?

Iago: (Sadly) One genie, coming right up.

(Scene cuts to Aladdin and Genie standing outside a sorceress’ door)

Aladdin: (Pleading) Please, help me! My friend is turning to stone.

Sorceress: (Comes out of doorway) He is a victim of Rock Efreet venom.

Genie: (Whispers to Aladdin) Whoa, she’s good!

Sorceress: And only a Rock Efreet can save him.

Genie: Huh?

Sorceress: The scale from a Rock Efreet, removed and powdered, will break the spell.

Aladdin: Where can we get an Efreet scale?

Sorceress: (Digging through a treasure chest) There should be a Rock Efreet nearby. I sold one to a man yesterday. He paid a lot for it. (Pull out a large horn) Rock Efreet call. One blow summons a Rock Efreet (Pulls the horn out of Aladdin’s grasp)… for a price.

(Aladdin digs in a change purse and pulls out a coin)

Sorceress: For a bigger price.

Genie: (Who now has the head and voice of Scrooge McDuck) Ahhh… a woman after me own heart.

(Aladdin gives her all the money in the purse, and she shoves the Rock Efreet call into his hands. Aladdin blows it)

Sorceress: Wait!

(Scene cuts to the Rock Efreet waking up in Abis Mahl’s lair)

(Scene cuts to Abis Mal impatiently watching the hour glass on his shelf. Suddenly, he hears a loud shaking noise and realizes that the Rock Efreet has escaped!)

Abis Mal: (Yelling) Haroud, come here! And bring the spackle!

(Scene cuts once again to Aladdin and Sorceress)

Sorceress: You shouldn’t have blown that in here! The sound of the call drives the Efreet mad with fury! It will not relent until it poisons its summoner with its venom.

(Suddenly, the Rock Efreet bursts through the side of the building)

Aladdin: (Backing away) Summoner?

Genie: That would be… you.

(Rock Efreet charges Aladdin, and he manages to hold it back with a chair. The Efreet bites the chair and it turns to stone and begins to crumble. Again he runs toward Aladdin, but Carpet swings down just in time to pick Aladdin up and carry him safely out the door with the Efreet right on their heels)

Aladdin: Carpet, let’s move! Genie!

Genie: I’m on it, Al! (He pulls out a gun that shoots a rope that latches around the Efreet)

(Scene cuts to Iago lugging the lamp out of the palace)

Iago: This walking bit is for the birds… (looks at the camera) Not me, I mean other birds. (With remorse) Now to find…. Genie.

(Scene cuts top Aladdin and Carpet flying away from the Efreet, which is hooked at the ankle by Genie’s rope gun. Three Genies are doing water skiing moves as he is pulled behind by the Efreet)

Genie: Hang on, we're coming! (Is thrown into the side of the palace) Ow. (Slides down the palace wall.)

(Iago is walking toward the genie with the lamp)

Iago: Look: I hate to do this to a defenseless genie, but my life depends on it. (Edges closer to Genie) In the lamp you go.

(Scene cuts to Abu, Aladdin, and Carpet hovering in mid-air. We see the Efreet looking for them, and Aladdin motions to Abu to keep quiet. The Efreet suddenly crashes through the palace wall, causing the Sultan to run from his throne.)

Sultan: What is going on out there?

(The Efreet catches sight of Aladdin, and the chase resumes.)

Aladdin: That thing goes through walls like paper! (Thinks) The Throne Room! Sultan, run for cover!

Sultan: (Runs as Aladdin comes swooping to the palace with the Efreet right behind him) Aladdin!

(Again the Efreet goes through the wall and into the Throne Room, but this time he gets lodged in the throne itself)

(Scene cuts to Aladdin holding the Efreet inside a cage. He is holding a vial.)

Aladdin: All right, we’ve got powdered Efreet scale. Now, where’s Iago? (Abu hands him a note) What’s this? (Reads the note) “Dear Aladdin, Don’t bother trying to find me. By the time you read this, I will be on my way to Abis Mal’s.” (Shocked) He’s going to trade Genie for the antidote! He’s betraying the whole city! We’ve got to find Iago before he reaches Abis Mal’s! C'mon! (Aladdin and Abu jump on Carpet)

(Scene cuts to Iago lugging the lamp to Abis Mal’s)

Iago: (Short of breath) All right, time to hand over Agrabah and save your stinking feathers.

Aladdin’s voice in his head: You’d do anything to save your tail, wouldn’t you?

Iago: Al? No, I’m… I’m just imagining things!

Aladdin’s voice in his head: Anything to save your tail!

Iago: Cut that out!

Aladdin’s voice in his head: Anything, wouldn’t you?

Iago: Of course I'd do anything! Anyone would! Wouldn’t they? Nobody wants to turn to stone, you know? (Thinks and grows sad) Nobody wants... to betray their friends. (Falls to the ground) I can’t do it!

(A hand reaches down and picks up the lamp. The hand belongs to Abis Mal)

Abis Mal: Ohhh… sacrificing yourself to save your friends… how touching! Did I say touching? I meant STUPID! (A door opens revealing Aladdin, Abu, and Carpet trapped in a cage hanging from the ceiling. Iago gasps)

Aladdin: (Yelling) I never thought you’d sink so low… you TRAITOR!

Iago: (Pleading) Al, I’m not! I didn’t betray you; I only almost did!

Aladdin: Ha! Another alibi!

(Iago’s eyebrows promptly turns to stone)

Iago: (Grabbing onto Abis Mahl) The antidote; give me the antidote!

Abis Mal: Tsk tsk tsk… I’m sorry, you see, our Efreet’s escaped. No Efreet, no antidote.

Haroud: Thank you bringing us the genie though.

Iago: You… you… AHHH! (Iago’s beak turns to stone)

Aladdin: Iago, quick, I’ve got the antidote; take it! (He throws the antidote out of the cage and to Iago. Iago tries to catch it, but just as he does, his entire body except for one foot turns to stone) Iago!

Abis Mahl: (Picks Iago up and places him on the shelf next to the lamp) The perfect souvenir of my greatest triumph!

Aladdin: (Sadly) He’s gone… stone.

Abis Mahl: (With a flourish) And, now, with your Genie out of the way, taking Agrabah will be easy as… as… uhhh… round with slices there… very easy!

(Iago begins to hop toward the lamp, and Abu quietly cheers)

Aladdin: (As a distraction) Ok, fine, go ahead and laugh you big, dumb hyena because once I get my hands on you…

Abis Mahl: (Mocking) But, you can’t! You’re stuck in a cage, and you don’t have the genie!

(Just then, Iago knocks the lamp off the table, and the Genie springs out!)

Genie: (Also mocking) Oh, yes, he does! (Picks up Abis Mahl and flies him up next to Aladdin’s cage) For the record, Al, the bird didn’t betray you; he only almost did.

Aladdin: All right, Iago!

Haroud: (To Genie) Not so fast! Drop him, or I smash the bird!

Genie: Oh, all right. (Drops Abis Mal hard onto the floor below)

Abis Mal: (A little tipsy from the fall) Excellent idea… drop him, or I smash the bird… (Grabs Iago from Haroud)

Genie: Not so fast! One false move, and I blow the Horn of Unpleasantness! (Pulls out the Rock Efreet call) The undead become mine to command, and you'll be torn limb from limb by their bony fingers! Impressive, huh?

Abis Mal: Wow, where’d you get that? Let me see!

Genie: (Obviously lying) I picked it up at the Unpleasant Boutique… quite a bargain.

Haroud: Sir, don’t! It’s a trick! (Genie zaps his mouth so he can no longer talk)

Genie: Here… (Gives the horn to Abis Mahl and snatches Iago away) Leggo my Iago!

Abis Mahl: Ohhh… Horn of Unpleasantness… I like the horn!

Genie: (To Iago) How are you holding up, buddy? (Iago can’t answer. Genie then zaps Aladdin’s cage door open.)

Abis Mal: (To himself) Abis Mahl, Master of the Undead! I like the sound of that. (Gives Haroud, who is trying to speak, a shove) Oh, shut up! (Blows the Rock Efreet call)

Genie: (Tried to pry the antidote from Iago’s stone grasp) You’ve got a grip on this!

(The Rock Efreet suddenly bursts through the wall of the lair. Iago goes flying through the air and lands in Haroud’s hands. His mouth is not able to work again. Aladdin and Abu fly on Carpet down to him to get Iago back. Abis Mahl is being chased by the Rock Efreet)

Abis Mahl: No! Get away! (Abis Mahl is bitten by the Rock Efreet) Ow! (His nose suddenly turns to stone) My nose… I’m petrified… Haroud, the antidote!

(Aladdin and Haroud are fighting over Iago)

Aladdin: Give him to me!

Haroud: Ah, ah, ah...

(Abis Mahl runs up behind them, causing Haroud to lose his grip on Iago, who goes flying through the air.)

Abis Mahl: Don't smash that bird!

(Iago is caught by Carpet just before he hits the ground. Genie transforms into a baseball umpire.)

Genie: Safe!

Abis Mahl: (Running after Carpet) Give me the bottle! I’m turning to stone! (Abu sticks out his tongue at him. Abis Mahl catches Carpet, and Iago goes flying through the air to be caught by Genie)

Genie: (ducking out of Haroud's way) Think fast! (Abis Mahl then runs into him)

Abis Mahl: Give me that! (Again Iago flies through the air, this time to be caught by Aladdin.)

Aladdin: (Holding Iago carefully) Iago, you were going to sacrifice yourself for Agrabah. I’m sorry I doubted you.

(The sun is almost set as Aladdin pulls the vial from Iago’s grasp and pours it onto him. In a moment, Iago is back to his normal self. He and Abu hug.)

Iago: Thanks; get off. Off!

(Abis Mahl picks up the vial. Nothing is left)

Iago: (To Abu) Don’t ask me to explain this. (He kisses Abu on the forehead.)

Aladdin: All right! Iago’s back!

Genie: Whoa! And acting strange!

(Abis Mahl is still looking at the empty vial)

Abis Mahl: No! (He sees the Efreet and runs after it) Your scales! Give me your scales!

(Everyone breaks into laughter)

Abis Mahl: (Still running) Give me your scales! Give me your scales!

End Episode