The Vegging

Dedicated Day of Vegging Out



 * Dude, wake up!




 * What?!


 * It's finally here, the most magical day of all.


 * What? The day where the old, hairy men break into houses in the dead of night with a bag for the children?


 * What? No, and for the record, that's the creepiest description of Christmas I've ever heard. I meant today is the day we veg out.


 * You don't want to do anything at all today?


 * No! I'm on strike! It's like if the tiniest thing happens in this town, we end up running a gosh-darned marathon! Look at these.




 * Fair enough. So, what are we going to do?




 * Whatever happens, we do absolutely nothing.




 * First, we shall neither bathe nor groom ourselves. Instead, we shall clothe ourselves in the ceremonial robes of the blanket toga!




 * Then we shall open and close the door of the fridge so many times that we lower our standards, so many times that we eventually settle for a feast of expired pickles, slightly fermented orange juice, and what was once butter but may now be cheese!




 * If the glasses are dirty, we shall drink out of bowls, and if the bowls are dirty, we shall drink out of plates!




 * We shall nest under a blanket under the sofa for so long, that when we stand up, we will suffer vertigo and immediately have to lie back down!




 * And we shall continue to do naught until we are plagued with the guilt of laziness, and the sweat on our foreheads has turned to grease! Then, my friend, and only then will we have earned the right to go to bed in our own juices!


 * Alright, so when do we get up?




 * When the discomfort of having to go to the bathroom exceeds the joy of lying in bed.




 * There, this should prevent chafing from too much sitting.




 * Now, do my chin.


 * Okay, but why do you need lip balm there?


 * 'Cause... ...TV face.


 * 'Kay, by the way, why is the TV the wrong way around?




 * Taking it to the next level, huh?


 * Yup, the next level down.


 * Should I bring a bucket in case we need to, y-you know, powder our nose?




 * Slackies, for when you gotta go, but you don't wanna leave.


 * But what if we need to change video games?




 * Wow, I guess you really thought of everything, but what if someone rings the doorbell?


 * Oh, I've got a life hack for that, as well.


 * What?


 * Just don't answer it. Come on, let's get into position!




 * Oh, sorry.

Tuning Out Chaos



 * Aw, man, the phone. What do we do?


 * Nothing.


 * It's really annoying, though.


 * So, the phone's ringing, big deal! We just wait until our brains tune it out.




 * See? It just went away-


 * This is NASA, you need to get out! There's a meteorite in direct collision course with Elmore-


 * So, there's some space scientist outside, big deal! We just wait until our brains tune it out.




 * So, there's a meteorite in the living room, big deal! We just wait until our brains tune it out.




 * So, there's a bit of a virus going around, big deal! We'll just wait for our brains to tune it out.




 * So, people have six legs now, big deal! We'll just wait for our brains to tune it out.




 * This may seem like the end of our kind, but your blood may contain the key-




 * The Galactic Council would like to thank you for your acts of bravery in defeating the-




 * The princess is ready for her wedding-




 * How does it feel to be married to a wife from another planet?-



Things Are Starting to Get Weirder

 * See? It simply went away. Who the who is that?




 * Ito maki maki, ito maki maki, ito ito, ton ton ton.


 * I think we should stop tuning things out, we're kind of losing plot here.


 * Meh.


 * You're not going to ask me how I got here?


 * Nah.




 * Coming up next, Robot Dinosaur Destruction Derby...


 * and :: Ya-a-ay.


 * ...has been replaced by a documentary about the Swedish sheet metal industry."


 * and : Ugh.


 * Gothenburg, nineteen-fifty-three...




 * You know what? Forget it. Maybe there'll be a cool accident at the sheet metal factory.




 * And their factories are the safest in the world.




 * What?


 * Do you want to play a game?


 * Oh, sure, I got a game!


 * Then how do we play?


 * Like this! Man, why is the universe so determined to get us to move today? Wouldn't its time be better spent sorting out poverty or world hunger or those awful dog filters on ChatSnap?  What now?


 * The game is on. I'm here.


 * Then why are you calling me?!




 * Really? You're going to do me like that?


 * Can we just not do this right now?


 * Do you know how long it took for me to do my hair? What, you think it's easy to look like this? You didn't even look at it.  Do you even want to know what's in the box? Wow. Okay, I think I'm gonna go.  It was a cursed teddy bear with human teeth. It was gonna creep closer to you every time you looked away.


 * Mm, wow, th-that sounds pretty scary.


 * Don't! The surprise is ruined now.


 * Wait up!


 * Yes?


 * Pass us the remote before you go.




 * Just one last thing before I-


 * You can go too, by the way.


 * Okay. Hyah-ee!! Teleportation!




 * Burrito delivery!


 * I thought we weren't getting up.


 * No need to. Uh, hey, can you post the burritos through the mail slot?


 * What?


 * Ugh. W-what part of that didn't make sense?


 * Everything from "post" to "slot" if I'm honest, but the customer is always right, I guess.




 * Did you bring the extra guac? Okay, now feed your hands through the mail slot.


 * What? Why?


 * Do you want your tip or not, dude? 'Kay, there's a shovel to your left, grab it.  Now use it to flip the burritos towards us.


 * What? That's crazy! I didn't sign up for this!


 * It says on your website that you deliver directly to us in under twenty minutes, and the clock is ticking, man.


 * Eh, okay, okay!


 * No, no, wrong end of the shovel. No, wrong direction. Come on, buddy, time's running out.  Mm-kay, now hold out the shovel for your tip!




 * There's nothing here!


 * Meh, keep the shovel then.




 * Darn kids never appreciate anything.




 * Are you calling the TV repairman?


 * Nah, I'm video-calling Banana Joe.


 * Hey, man. Thanks for calling! Wanna hang out?


 * No.


 * Oh. Then what I can do for ya?


 * Turn your phone to the TV.


 * Okay! Anything else?


 * Yeah, stop talking, I'm trying to listen.


 * Okay.


 * Yeah, and can you stop breathing please? I can't hear.


 * No problemo!

Universe vs. Protagonists



 * Ow! What is going on here?




 * Alright, universe! Bring it on!




 * Okay, maybe we need to at least deal with that.


 * Eh, in a minute.




 * You said you'd deal with it.


 * I said I'd do it in a minute. You don't have to remind me every hour.


 * I feel like I'm about to pass out.


 * Oh, good idea. Just lie down flatter. Uh, heat goes up, right?




 * We interrupt this week to bring you some breaking news. The police and fire departments are desperately trying to rescue a family who crashed their car on a freeway bridge. The authorities are unable to approach the vehicle due to the bridge's extreme instability; however, they say it may be able to support a lighter weight one, maybe two, twelve-year-old boys.




 * Come on, Darwin, we gotta go!




 * Wait, maybe not.




 * Oh, no, we do have to go!




 * Or maybe not.




 * All right, all right, we're going! Man.



Saving the Wattersons



 * Are you thinking what I'm thinking?


 * Yes. It'd be far too much effort to make the detour to get these leaf blowers.


 * Exactly.




 * Wait, I've got a better idea. We got wheels! We just have to stop and let the rotation of the Earth do the leg work for us.




 * All right, let's just call the cab company.




 * Hello? Gumball? What do you mean you need a ride? I'm dangling off a bridge here. No, I can't— No, Dad can't, either. We're stuck here in mortal d— Look, I don't have time for this.




 * Hello? Yeah, sure I can. What time? Uh, I mean your mom already said no, goodbye.




 * No dice.


 * Oh, I got an idea.




 * "Your order is being delivered—" Did anyone order anything?




 * You mind moving forward a little? A little more.




 * Little more.




 * Little more.




 * Okay, perfect.


 * That'll be thirty-five dollars!


 * What?!


 * Sorry, we couldn't be bothered to buy stamps, so we improvised.


 * Can you just help us out, please?


 * Here's your change!




 * I'm coming!




 * We're not gonna make it! We're gonna have to get up from our chairs!


 * Not on my day off.




 * Gumball, you did it!




 * Come here, son!


 * Nah, you come here.


 * ,, : Ugh.

Back at their House



 * So, what's left on our to-do list?


 * "Nothin'."


 * Well, I guess we better get on with it.




 * "This is a message from the future. The strange things that happened today were for a reason. And it was all the work of…" Oh, my gosh, Darwin.


 * Who could be sending that message?


 * No, I mean I just found couch candy!


 * Whoo-hoo!