Subterranean Graduation Blues

[The opening teaser: Becky holds a bag of aluminum cans for recycling that Stephanie helps with. Michelle 'helps' by drinking the last bit of a can of root beer.]

Michelle: Ah, finished. I love recycling. [She tosses the can into the bag.]

Stephanie: Michelle, if you're trying to earn your Honeybee environmental badge, how come we're doing all the work?

Michelle: I don't know... but keep working while I think about it.

[Joey and Danny bring down more stuff for Michelle's project.]

Joey: Here, Michelle. Here are some pizza boxes for your project.

Michelle: Thank you.

Stephanie: Where did you get all those?

Joey: Under my bed.

[Everyone looks at him in disbelief.]

Becky: Joey, you keep pizza boxes under your bed?

Joey: Well Becky, I gotta put 'em somewhere; my nightstand's covered with doughnuts!

Danny: What's in your sock drawer, nachos?

Joey: Hey, stay outta my stuff, will ya?!

[Then, Steve enters with an interesting gadget.]

Steve: Hey, guys. Michelle, before D.J. left on that ski trip, she told me about your little recycling project. So I went ahead and made this for you in shop class [showing off the gadget]. It's called the 'Stev-O-Matic' can crusher.

Becky: Steve, I didn't know you were so mechanical.

Steve: Yeah. Well, my shop teacher says I got metal in my blood. [Everyone looks at him in disbelief.] OK, he said it was in my skull. But, what you do is, you take the can [takes one of the empty root beer cans on the table], and you put it in here [in the opening], and you turn the wheel [by the handle], and the metal plate slowly crushes the can. [But instead, it does nothing. He tries again, but faster, and gets the same result.] But don't worry, because I've built in another option. [He grabs another can, and picks up the gadget to crush that can.]

[Jesse comes home.]

Stephanie: Uncle Jesse, how'd you do on your English final?

Jesse: See for yourself [hands it to Becky].

Becky: [as she leafs through the papers] Aw, Jess. Don't tell me you failed. You won't be able to graduate. All that hard work and studying and... You got an A!

Jesse: Gotcha!

[As Becky puts film into her camera in preparation for the trip to commencement, Kimmy stops by.]

Kimmy: I'm here! Your rugrat wrangler.

Becky: The boys are much more active than the last time you babysat for them ("Nice Guys Finish First") – especially Nicky. Yesterday, he got into Jesse's sock drawer; it was so cute, he mismatched every pair. There were tube socks with Argyle...

Kimmy: Oh, that's a classic. Can I get paid up front, please?

Becky: Just keep your eye on 'em, OK?

Kimmy: Hey, whatever you want. You're the baby owner.

Becky: Thanks. The boys are upstairs. And tell Jesse to hurry up or he's gonna miss his graduation.

Kimmy: I'll tell him. [heading upstairs] Hey, hair boy! You better get your butt down here!

[On the Muni, Michelle spots a promo poster for Wake Up, San Francisco.]

Michelle: Daddy, you have a very funny mustache.

Danny: Michelle, you know I don't have a mustache.

Michelle: You do in that picture. [She points to the vandalized poster, showing a drawn-on long, as well as a couple of blacked-out teeth.]

Becky: [laughs at the poster, until her co-host glares at her] Oh, that's disgraceful [and then takes a picture of it].

[Kimmy has just finished scrubbing off some of the twins' finger paint.]

Kimmy: Finally finished. Hey Siegfried (Alex), where's Roy (Nicky)?

Alex: I don't know.

[She's interrupted by Comet's barking entrance.]

Kimmy: Hey, what's going on Lassie? Did Timmy fall in the lake again?

[He leads her into the living room, by the sleeve, and she can't believe what she sees: Nicky finger-painting just about everywhere, including the TV! It makes her scream at the top of her lungs.]

Jesse: [at the end of a chat with a young man] Before long, you'll be wearing that cap & gown and marching down that aisle just like I was supposed to do tonight [and another passenger takes out his sax and belts out ""].

Danny: Maybe those 2,000 people didn't hear you, but I know another young guy who sure did.

[Jesse turns his head to the young man he was lecturing and they give each other the original version of the fist bump. Suddenly, a jolt rocks everyone.]

Stephanie: Hey! Either the train's moving or Joey's stomach is outta control.

Joey: Well Jess, you're a high school graduate. What are you gonna do now?

Jesse: I'm going to El Bloat-o's.

[And the saxophonist plays Jesse's most-hated song, the  theme song.]