No Show with the Casagrandes

[The Casagrande family are in the living room.]

Frida: "Hurry, hurry! Adiós, Ana, Adiós is on!"

Carl: [Sliding across the floor] "Whoo! Yes! Telenovela time!"

Sergio: [Enters squawking] "Mystery! Drama! Romance!"

Carlota: "Don't forget style. Obsessed with Ana's outfits."

Bobby: [Jumps over Lalo, who is being petted by Ronnie Anne.] "I'm gonna have to watch it in the mercado. My shift's about to start."

Maria: "It's okay, mijito. We'll shout out the window about the juicy parts."

Bobby: "Yes!"

[Bobby leaves, avoiding the puddle of Lalo's drool where at the same time, Hector enters.]

Hector: "Did I miss it? Whoa!" [Slips into Lalo's drool and makes Ronnie Anne fall to the floor.] "Ooh, sorry, mija."

Rosa: "I'm glad you could tear yourself away from your gossip long enough to be here, viejito."

Hector: [sits in his chair] "Who was gossiping? I was dealing with Maybelle, and you know what a difficult customer she is."

[Ronnie Anne is about to leave, but Frida calls her.]

Frida: "Are you sure you don't want to join us, mija? The novela is getting really good."

Ronnie Anne: [shaking her head] "Mm..."

Carlos: "Come on, just give it a chance. It's a family tradition."

CJ: "You can sit by me."

Ronnie Anne: "Guys, I told you already, I'm not into telenovelas. Call me when the soccer match is on."

Rosa: "Shh! How can you say no to this? That's our hero, Ana Ronalda;" [Ana is sewing a hat at the present moment.] "she's an orphan, raised by her grandparents."

[Suddenly, there's a banging at Ana's door.]

Carl: "Oh, oh, here come the bad guys."

[Some desperadoes enter the house, led by someone wearing a sombrero, a Dia de los Muertos mask, a poncho, black compressions, and red boots.]

Villian: [Laughs] "Danos todo dinero." (Give us all the money.)

Ana's Grandmother: "Per somos pobres, nosotros tenemos nada." (But we are poor, we have nothing.) [Makes sad eyes]

''[The desperadoes come in, and one takes Ana over his shoulder, she is screaming and trying to fight, they get on their horses and ride off, Ana tied up on the back of the last one. The Casagrandes gasp.]''

Hector: "The bad guys want money, but the family doesn't have any, so they're taking Ana Ronalda."

Frida: [Hugs her own children, tears in her eyes.] "This is why I make you kids carry a whistle!"

Ronnie Anne: "You guys, this show is so cheesy, sorry, but you wouldn't catch me watching it in a billion years." [walks away]

[Later, Ronnie Anne is with Sergio and Lalo on the fire escape, eating a concha.]

Ronnie Anne: "Thanks guys, I knew you weren't in to that corny junk either."

Sergio: [Irate] "Pipe down! Watching my novela!"

[Sergio gestures to the apartment across the alley, who are watching Adiós, Ana, Adiós as well, Ana is still tied up on the back of the horse, and is very scared.]

Ronnie Anne: [annoyed] "Ugh, I'm going back in." [Turns towards her window, when everyone gasps.]

Maria: [Yelling out the window.] "Can you believe it, Bobby?!"

Bobby: [Yelling from the bodega.] "No, that was crazy!"

Ronnie Anne: "What? Did she crochet a new bonnet?" ''[Looks across the alley. Ana has gotten herself off the horse, the desperadoes have her surrounded, she breaks free of the ropes, and kicks one of them in the face, another one charges at her, and she blocks his punch and knocks him out, the third desperado goes after her, but she punches him too. Ronnie Anne is amazed.]'' "Woah, nice roundhouse kick."

Ana Ronalda: "Soy le campeón de los pobres!" (I am the champion of the poor!)

Bobby: [offscreen] "She's the defender of the poor now?!"

Ronnie Anne: "Wow, what a leg sweep." [Starts copying Ana's moves.] "She is so cool." [Ana is surrounded, when suddenly, the show is over, and the screen reads 'Continuará...'] "That's it? [Grabs Lalo's face] I need to know what happens next."

Sergio: [Squawks] "Somebody's hooked."

[Lalo licks Ronnie Anne.]

NEXT DAY...

[The Casagrandes are in the living room once again.]

Carl: [Sliding across the floor again.] "Yes! New episode! Can't wait to see Ana Ronalda kick some more butt!"

Carlota: "I can't wait to see what she wears."

Carlos: "Oh yes, the attention to detail in her revolution era wardrobe is-"

Bobby: "Aaaaaand that's my cue to go to work." [leaves]

Ronnie Anne: [Approaches] "So, listen guys, about the novela..."

Hector: "We know. It's too cheesy for you."

Ronnie Anne: "Well, actually..."

Rosa: "Come on, mijita, let's take your bad energy to your bedroom. [Pushes Ronnie Anne to her room.]

[Ronnie Anne is now on the fire escape with Sergio and Lalo.]

Ronnie Anne: "No problem, we can just watch the show across the alley. Easy peasy."

Sergio: [Squawks] "Spoke too soon."

[The TV in the apartment across from them is blocked by a house plant.]

Ronnie Anne: "What?! Why is she blocking the TV? [Shakes Sergio] It's almost showtime!"

Sergio: [Squawks] "Mercado! Mercado!"

''[Ronnie Anne dashes off and Sergio is in a daze. The three then enter the meracdo, Bobby is sweeping the floor while watching the novela.]''

Ronnie Anne: "Hey Bobby, just thought we'd come down here to keep you company, you must be so lonely here by yourself."

Bobby: "Thanks sis, but I'm good. I like my alone time with the show, Tio Carlos has a lot of historical facts to share."

Ronnie Anne: [Looks over and knocks over the shelf of chips on purpose.] "Oh, look at that, I should probably stay here and clean it up."

Bobby: "Nah, I got it. [Ronnie Anne is sad.] I know how much you hate the novela, I don't want to torture you."

TV Announcer: "Adiós, Ana, Adiós."

Ronnie Anne: "But, but, but-"

[Bobby pushes her and the pets out of the store anyway.]

[Ronnie Anne, Sergio, and Lalo are now running down the streets.]

Ronnie Anne: "Come on guys, we gotta find somewhere else to watch."

[Sergio sees something in the pizza parlor.]

Dona: [From the parlor] "Adiós, Ana, Adiós is about to start."

Segio: [Squawks] "Bingo."

[Lalo and Ronnie Anne return, the three enter the parlor and watch the show; Ana is about to put up a fight, when suddenly the channel changes to the soccer game.]

Ronnie Anne: "What?!" [Looks at Vito]

Dona: "Vito Filliponio! What are you doing?!" [Takes the remote]

Vito: [Takes the remote back] "Ah, come on, the game's tied and my TV's broken."

Dona: "Fine, have it your way, we'll just watch it at the laundromat, they have a TV there."

''[Dona and her friend leave, followed by Ronnie Anne, Sergio, and Lalo. On the laundromat TV, Ana throws a major punch.]''

Ronnie Anne: [Punches a shopping cart, in the same manner as Ana] "Yah!" [To the laundromat manager] "That's Ana Ronalda, she defends the poor from the greedy bad guys, she's pretty cool and, probably reminds you of someone." [Kicks the shopping cart, but it bounces off the washing machines and knocks Ronnie Anne over.]

Laundromat Manager: "Hey, if you're gonna stay here, you better wash something."

Ronnie Anne: [Gets up] "Uh..." [Digs through her pocket and finds a quarter, she throws her hoodie into a washing machine and continues to watch her show, but some guy puts shoes into one of the machines and turns it on, the machine is louder than the TV.] "Really, dude?! Shoes?! Can't you wait until my show's over?"

[Suddenly the machine stops.]

Sergio: [Holding the plug, squawks] "Problem solved."

''[Ronnie Anne is satisfied with this, when suddenly, a dark shadow covers her. She turns and sees that it belongs to a very angry laundromat manager. Just like that, Ronnie Anne, Sergio, and Lalo get thrown out, Ronnie Anne looks at the laundromat with annoyance, rubbing her lower back, and gets her wet hoodie thrown in her face, she wrings it out, and hears the music coming from Margarita's salon. The desperadoes are looking for Ana Ronalda, who pops out of the bushes far away.]''

Margarita: "Let me get this straight, chula; you want whatever haircut you can get for two dollars?"

Ronnie Anne: "Yeah, just keep it on this channel and cut really slow."

Margarita: [Understanding, takes Ronnie Anne's hairband out, and starts brushing.] "Aye, Mijita, that's not a problem, I love Adiós, Ana, Adiós."

[Ana is hiding under a bridge, panting, as the desperadoes cross, she looks at her sword, and her hair.]

Ronnie Anne: "What is she doing?"

[Anna starts slicing her hair, making sounds like she's gonna cry.]

Ana Ronalda: "Asì no me reconoceràn." (That way they won't recognize me.)

[Margarita and Ronnie Anne are amazed.]

Margarita: "She gave herself a disguise."

Ronnie Anne: "Can you give me that haircut?"

Margarita: "I don't have any swords but, I'll do my best." [Takes out her hair tools.]

''[Margarita completes Ronnie Anne's new haircut, and the two gasp by what's happening on the show. Ana is running, and suddenly falls over a cliff, she hangs onto the edge for dear life, she looks up the desperado's leader is the only one there, they look at Ana, as the show ends.]''

Margarita: [Sweeping up Ronnie Anne's hair.] "Wow, excited for tomorrow's finale, chula?"

Ronnie Anne: "Yes! Can I watch it here? Please?"

Margarita: "Oof, I wish you could, but I have four quinceañeras, and a funeral to do tomorrow, the salon's closed."

[Ronnie Anne slumps in her seat, groaning.]

[Ronnie Anne, Sergio, and Lalo return to the apartment, Ronnie Anne trying to hide her hair, they enter the door, but Frida unknowingly runs past it, slamming it on them lightly.]

Frida: [Excitedly putting up decorations.] "Ooh, this will be the best finale party ever."

Rosa: "I got a feast for us, conchas, horchata, nachitos, todo. Hector, save some for tomorrow."

Hector: [Stops eating everything] "Bobby, this is such a special occasion, you should watch with us, I think we can close the mercado for an hour."

Ronnie Anne: [Getting an idea, runs over to Hector.] "Actually, Abuelo, why don't I watch the mercado during the show? So, you don't lose any money."

Hector: "You would do that for your Abuelito?"

Ronnie Anne: "Sure, I got nothing better to do."

Carlota: [Notices Ronnie Anne's hair] "Whoa! Loving the new hair! Who do you remind me of?"

Ronnie Anne: [Quickly pulls her hood up, hiding her haircut.] "Uh, no one." [Chuckles nervously and runs out.]

[The next day, Ronnie Anne, Sergio, and Lalo are alone in the bodega.]

Ronnie Anne: "Finally, no interruptions."

[Suddenly, the mercado door is opened, by the mercado's most diffucult customer.]

Maybelle: "Excuse me."

[The pets run off and Ronnie Anne turns off the TV.]

Ronnie Anne: "Oh, hi Maybelle."

Maybellle: "I need your help with everything on this list, and I am very particular." ''[Opens the, very long list. The two pass the fruit.]'' "Two pints of strawberries, make sure you check the bottoms for mold." [Next the cat food] "Seven cans of cat food." [Ronnie Anne grabs some cans.] "No, I want the fresh ones, from the back." [At the register] "I need everything double bagged, and don't you bruise my bananas."

[Ronnie Anne double bags everything.]

Ronnie Anne: "Okay, thanks, bye."

[She turns the TV back on, but Maybelle clears her throat.]

Maybelle: "Hector always brings my groceries home for me."

Ronnie Anne: "Of course." ''[Eventually, Ronnie Anne returns to the mercado, but she's too late, the finale has ended. She drops to her knees.] "No!''"

Sergio: [Squawks] "Best finale ever."

[Ronnie Anne is very sad, Lalo licks her.]

Ronnie Anne: [Despondently stops Lalo] "Thanks, but slobber can't give me back the last hour."

[She's still sad, when suddenly the TV announcer says something.]

TV Announcer: "Regresa mañana para otro estreno de este capítulo final." (Come back tomorrow for another premiere of this final chapter.)

Sergio: "Your lucky day, playing again tomorrow."

Ronnie Anne: [Estatic] "Seriously?! That's amazing, I'll watch it then." [Hugs Lalo] "Okay, now you can slobber on me."

[Lalo does so]

[Ronnie Anne returns to the apartment, to her family, who have already seen the finale.]

Hector: "Can you believe that ending?"

Carl: "Such a perfect finish."

Frida: "Oh, Ana Ronalda really went-"

Ronnie Anne: "STOP!" [Covers her mouth]

Maria: [Confused] "What's wrong, mija?"

Ronnie Anne: [Not wanting her family to know she likes the novella.] "Um, I saw a lizard." ''[Runs to her room, while her brother freaks out. Under her breath.]'' "Gah! I didn't think about spoilers, I just have to avoid them for twenty-four hours, I can do this."

14 HOURS TO GO

[The next morning, Ronnie Anne and Carlota are eating cereal.]

Carlota: "You know, I can't stop thinking about the finale," [Ronnie Anne realizes she's about to get spoiled.] "that part when Ana Ronalda fought-"

Ronnie Anne: [Spits out her cereal, and shoves Carlota's spoon into her mouth.] "Here! Eat it before it gets soggy." [Smiles sheepishly while Carlota looks at her confused.]

9 HOURS TO GO

[Ronnie Anne is brushing her teeth, when her Mom and Grandfather walk by.]

Maria: "You know I would have never guessed Ana Ronalda was really..."

[Ronnie Anne quickly turns the sink on, flushes the toilet, and turns on the shower; accidentally pulling the curtain down and falls in the tub, she gets up, wet, and covering her ears.]

5 HOURS TO GO

[Ronnie Anne is now helping her Abuela sort the laundry.]

Rosa: "Can you fold these, sweetie?" [Ronnie Anne helps, and Rosa picks up a yellow scarf.] "Aah, doesn't this scarf remind you of when Ana Ronalda took her scarf and-"

[Ronnie Anne squeals, and stuffs her head into the laundry basket, she comes out with two socked shoved into her ears, and awkwardly laughs.]

NOVELA TIME!

[It's finally time, Ronnie Anne and Lalo look out her bedroom, and see no one.]

Ronnie Anne: "Can't believe I made it," [She and Lalo start tiptoeing for the door.] "Spoiler free, and just thirty minutes 'til showtime." [Lalo barks] "Don't worry Lalo, we're gonna find a place to watch the finale, if Margarita's is still closed, we'll try the pizza place." [Lalo barks again] "Already thought of that, if Vito is still watching soccer, I'll bribe him with his favorite tooth whitening gum, let's go." [Opens the door, and finds her Abuelo just outside it, Ronnie Anne gasps, and Lalo makes a run for it.] "Oh, hi Abuelo."

Hector: "Are you going out, mija? Promise you'll be careful, I don't want you stepping in front of a runaway carriage like poor Ana Ronalda did," [Hugs his granddaughter, and gets louder.] "in the finale."

Ronnie Anne: [Having heard a spoiler, drops to her knees and cries in despair.] "Nooooooooo!" [Realizing what she's doing, she tries to cover her mouth, but it's too late, her family comes out of the other apartment to see if she's okay.] "Uh, uh, ah..." [Seeing no way out of this.] "Abuelo spoiled the novela for me."

Carlota: [Confused] "What are you talking about? You hate Adiós, Ana, Adiós."

Ronnie Anne: "No I don't." [Gets up] "I'm actually obsessed with it, I just couldn't tell you guys after being such a snob. I'm sorry for acting that way."

Frida: "Awe, honey, it's okay."

Hector: "We forgive you."

Ronnie Anne: "Seriously?" [Everyone nods] "I should have told you I liked it sooner, then, then we could have watched the finale together, man I blew it."

[Everyone else looks at each other.]

Maria: "We have something to tell you."

Ronnie Anne: "What?"

Carlota: "We knew you we're obsessed! Abuelo got the intel from Margarita."

Hector: "I am the gossip king, remember?"

CJ: "We pranked you." [Laughs]

Bobby: "Yeah, Abuelo even gave Maybella a fifty dollar gift card to keep you busy in the mercado."

Carlos: "And the spoilers; all false."

Ronnie Anne: [Can't believe this] "What?! You guys are terrible! But also, evil geniuses, that's the best prank of all time. Still wish I could have watched the finale with you though."

Frida: "There's one last secret."

Hector: "When we heard you loved the show, we recorded the finale so we could all watch it together, as a family."

Ronnie Anne: [Touched, but tries to hide it.] "Oh, cool."

[She turns away, blushing, but her family hugs her, Rosa kisses her cheek.]

Hector: "Come on."

Frida: "You're touched."

Ronnie Anne: [Defeated] "You're right, I am."

''[And so, they are all watching the finale in the living room. Ana is sword fighting the desperado leader on the edge of a cliff, and winning, the leader falls to their knees, dropping their sword, and their sombrero falls off. Ana looks at them, as their mask shatters, revealing them to be a female, who turns around, and Ana gasps.]''

Ana Ronalda: "¿Mi gemela? ¿Pero cómo?" (My twin? But how?)

[The family goes crazy.]

Carlota: "Oh my gosh! It's her long lost twin!"

[Ana throws her sword away and helps her sister up, and they hug as the episode ends.]

Frida: [Hugging her niece and nephew.] "It's so beautiful when family is brought back together again." [Leaves lipstick all over Ronnie Anne's face.]

Ronnie Anne: "Well, guys, that was fun while it lasted, but it's probably time to dust off the old skateboard and-"

[Suddenly a new show comes on.]

Hector: "Ooh, a new novela is starting."

[The new novela is titled 'Mi Madre Luchadora', a woman puts on her mask, and is in the ring, with a baby, and flexes her arm.]

Ronnie Anne: [Intrigued, joins her family.] "Um, my skateboard can wait."

[They all love the new novela.]