The Mystery Date Observation


 * (The last scene of the restaurant where Amy is dating Dave for one last time, whilst the waitress gives them the bill and leaves their table)
 * Dave: You know, I once drove 500 miles to hear him speak at Stanford.
 * (He takes a sip of wine whilst Amy puts on a mad smile. He puts his glass down)
 * Amy: I have a DVD of that lecture.
 * Dave: Really? Wasn't it great?
 * Amy: (shakes her head and speaks) Not as a Valentine's present, no.
 * Dave: Well, the next time you watch it, I'm the bloke who asked the question that he said was stupid and obvious. It was the nicest thing he said to anyone there.
 * Amy: That's, um, terrific. Listen, I'm-I'm kind of tired. Can we call it a night?
 * Dave: Oh, gosh. Sorry, I've just spent the whole night talking about your ex-boyfriend. I'm such an idiot.
 * Amy: No, you're not.
 * Dave: Well, maybe not an idiot, but certainly not as smart as... someone we won't mention.
 * Amy: (smiles sweetly) Thank you.
 * Dave: But you said you might introduce me to him-- I'm free on Thursday.
 * (Amy lifts herself off the chair and it pans to the scene of Bernadette's car to which Bernadette worryingly sees them through the glasses with Penny looking puzzled next to her)
 * Bernadette: (she speaks with a worried surprise) Hey, hey, they're leaving.
 * Penny: (she gasps) What? Here, give me, give me.
 * (Bernadette quickly gives the binoculars to Penny in a silent panic)
 * Penny: (she sees them turn a corner of the street through the glasses and she suddenly panics) Oh, my God. Oh, my God, they're coming right towards us.
 * Bernadette: (panicking) We got to get out of here.
 * (Bernadette grabs her seatbelt strap in a panic)
 * Penny: (she asks Bernadette a panicky question) Okay. Well, wait, what about Leonard?
 * (Penny now grabs the strap of her seatbelt and Bernadette yells at her with enormous anger)
 * Bernadette: (she's mega-fully cross) He and his tiny bladder can take the bus!
 * (Bernadette angrily puts her seatbelt straight on with immediate rage, Penny now immediately has her seatbelt on. Bernadette starts the engine, drives backwards for one second, hits the front of Dave's car (of which a couple of giant airbags blow up to the front window of Dave's car at the same time) and both Bernadette and Penny gasp one at a time).
 * Bernadette: (in a completely big panic) Oh, no!
 * (Bernadette turns off the engine as both she and Penny take immediately of their seatbelts and run out Bernadette's car in a really huge panic together. By the time Amy and Dave arrive to the scene Penny slams her side door first and Bernadette slams her side door last)
 * Dave: (he shouts with an angry shock) She just hit my car!
 * Amy: What are you guys doing here?
 * Bernadette: (she is so gigantically pleased and surprised to see Amy) Oh! Hey, Ames! What are you doing here?
 * (Amy has nothing to say this as of the shock, Leonard returns after hearing what was happening. In one of his hands, he is holding the bottle he has peed in)
 * Leonard: (surprised) What happened?
 * Dave: (surprised to see Leonard) OMG! Aren't you Leonard Hofstadter?
 * Leonard: (nervously) Yeah.
 * Dave: I saw you speak at Stanford with Sheldon Cooper! (he turns to a rather cross Amy) Amy, can you believe it? It's Dr. Leonard Hofstadter!
 * Amy: (sarcastically) No! pinch me!
 * Dave: It's an absolute pleasure to meet you. Can I shake your hand?
 * Leonard: I don't know if you want to do that-- I was just... (He suddenly shakes his hand) Okay, never mind.
 * (Bernadette just smiles crossly at the handshake and says nothing. She is so fed up with Leonard by this point since he had kept on ruining hers and Penny's mystery date for hours).
 * Dave: Amy, I'm never washing this hand again.
 * Leonard: (grinning awkwardly) You really should.
 * (He continues the handshake with Dave while both men continue grinning)


 * Penny: I think it’s so adorable you’re making Sheldon breakfast.
 * Leonard: Well, he’s having a rough time. Amy broke his heart, the DVR cut off the last minute of Doctor Who. That crow followed him home.
 * Penny: Aren’t you worried you’re making French toast on oatmeal day?
 * Leonard: Ah, well, what’s this? A pot of oatmeal? Or, thanks to you, what I will now call gloatmeal.
 * Penny: Oh, I don’t want credit for that.
 * Sheldon: Oh, Dr. and Mrs. Hofstadter, lovely to see you this fine morning.
 * Leonard: You’re in a good mood.
 * Sheldon: Yeah, I am indeed. I have decided, instead of wallowing in sadness about Amy, it is time that I find myself a new female companion.
 * Penny: Oh. Good for you.
 * Leonard: What brought this on?
 * Sheldon: I realized something. When Amy was in my life, I was hyper-focused on my work and ignored her.
 * Penny: And you don’t want to make the same mistake with the next woman.
 * Sheldon: No, I need a new woman in my life to ignore so I can hyper-focus on my work again.
 * Leonard: Hey, I made French toast sticks.
 * Sheldon: On oatmeal day?
 * Leonard: Ah, I also made oatmeal.
 * Sheldon: Ooh, that’s a lot of carbohydrates for a man on the prowl. You know what? You eat it. You’re married, it doesn’t matter what you look like.
 * Penny: Don’t take advice from a man who threw his shoe at a crow.
 * [Both Leonard and Penny drink their coffee just the opening theme of "The Big Bang Thoery" begins]


 * Sheldon: All I’m looking for is an educated, intelligent woman who shares my interests while retaining her own unique point of view. She should be kind, patient and most important unable to imagine life without me by 10:00 tonight.


 * (The scene at Penny's apartment)
 * Penny: (calling) Come on, Amy, show us the dress.
 * Amy: (out of vision) Okay. But I'm really stepping outside of my comfort zone here.
 * (Penny has just sat down with Bernadette. Penny's bedroom door now opens and out comes Amy walking up to the girls looking all smartened up for the date with Dave)
 * Penny: (unhappily) I don't think any of your comfort zones are showing.
 * (Amy looks down at her heels and the floor)
 * Bernadette: (informing Amy) Yeah, it's your third date-- maybe you could go more sexy.
 * Amy: Well, some people think the sexiest organ is the brain.
 * Penny: No one ever bought me drinks at a bar because my brain just popped out of my shirt.
 * Amy: (asking the girls crossly) Do you have any heels higher than this? He's pretty tall. Ooh.
 * Bernadette: Ooh, tall! Finally some details about this mystery man.
 * Penny: Yeah, come on, tell us more.
 * Amy: Well, I told you his name and that he's tall. What more do you need?
 * Bernadette: (smiling with curiosity) Did you kiss him yet?
 * Amy: Just a little peck on the lips.
 * (both Penny and Bernadette squeal with excitement)
 * Penny: (begging Amy) Well, we're your best friends-- give us one more detail and we promise we'll leave you alone.
 * Amy: Fine. Um... he's British.
 * (both Penny and Bernadette squeal with excitement again )
 * Amy: (chuckling) All right, that is a juicy one.
 * Penny: (curious) All right, where is Tall British Dave taking you?
 * Bernadette: (asks Amy with higher happiness) Tea and basketball?
 * Amy: To that new Italian place on Walnut.
 * Bernadette: (seeming to like the sound of it) Oh, nice.
 * Amy: I'm gonna go look for other shoes.
 * Penny: Good luck. I threw out all my tall ones when I married Leonard.
 * (Amy reacts and moves away to Penny's bedroom)
 * Bernadette: (whispers her plan to Penny) Hey, you want to swing by that place tonight and get a look at this guy?
 * Penny: (whispers her answer) We don't even know what time they're gonna be there.
 * Bernadette: (she grumbles for a bit) I'll just call the restaurant, pretend I'm Amy and check the reservation.
 * Penny: (she speaks in a mad tone) Damn, you're sneaky.
 * Bernadette: (she is now very cross) Yeah, but I'm little, so it's adorable.
 * (Bernadette now sips her wine crossly and Penny nods her head in agreement)


 * Sheldon: Can I help you?
 * Vanessa: Um, are you the physicist that placed the ad on Craigslist?
 * Sheldon: Yes.
 * Vanessa: Hi, I’m Vanessa Bennet. Sorry it took a while for me to get here, but I was stuck in this boring lecture on atomic spectroscopy when I came across your ad. I Ands it saved my night. Some of your puzzles were…were really fun. I never had to translate Klingon into ancient Sanskrit before.
 * Sheldon: well, careful…it’s addictive.
 * Vanessa: (Klingon phrase). Or as they say in Sanskrit. (Sanskrit phrase).
 * Sheldon: And just like that you’re a Klingon-Sanskrit junkie.
 * Vanessa: Anyway I-I just had to meet the person responsible for such a brilliant idea. And I don’t need to tell you there aren’t a lot of men who loves, physics, archaic languages and the flags of the world.
 * Sheldon: I am a bit of a unicorn. Well, you certainly seem like a special lady. Uh, but as you know you missed the deadline, so thanks for playing.


 * (The apartment scene when Sheldon returning back to the couch after closing the door when he has finished meeting Vanessa and he now sits in his spot).
 * Raj: (yelling at Sheldon) how could you send her away.
 * Sheldon: She was late. And... she found atomic spectroscopy boring. Well, I wouldn't coitus her with your genitals.
 * (Howard and Raj are now cross by the things that Sheldon has said)


 * (The restaurant scene of Amy and Dave at a table for two by the window looking at menus together)
 * Dave: This is fun. I haven't dated much since my divorce.
 * Amy: Well, I'm having a good time, too. If you don't mind me asking, why did you and your wife split up?
 * Dave: Oh, you know how it is-- we wanted different things. I wanted children, and she wanted a pastry chef named Jean-Philippe.
 * Amy :Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry.
 * Dave: No, it's-it's fine. It's why I left England. It reminded me too much of her. Cold, gloomy and easily accessed by a Frenchman through a tunnel.
 * (Pan to the scene of Bernadette's car where Leonard [in the back] and Penny [next to Bernadette's driving seat in the front] run into the car with excitement and bang the doors)
 * Penny: Hey. So, where are they?
 * Bernadette: Across the street, in the left window.
 * (Scene of the outside of the restaurant)
 * Penny: (background voice) Oh, damn it.
 * (Pans back to the close-up of Penny in Bernadette's car)
 * Penny: we should have brought binoculars.
 * (Bernadette crossly produces a pair of binoculars)
 * Bernadette: Right here.
 * (Penny takes the binoculars off Bernadette)
 * Leonard: We just happen to have those in the car?
 * Bernadette: Kinda. Before I met Howie, I liked to keep close tabs on my boyfriends.
 * Leonard: By stalking them?
 * (Bernadette obviously isn't happy with Leonard's question about 'stalking').
 * Bernadette: (she is not amused) No. Stalkers are creepy. I'm just a harmless little girl with military-grade spy equipment.
 * (scene of Penny looking through the glasses. pan to the circle of Amy and Dave's restaurant window)
 * Penny: (background voice) Oh, there he is.
 * Bernadette: (background voice) He's cute, right?
 * (pan back to the scene of Bernadette's car)
 * Penny: Yeah!
 * Leonard: Can I see?
 * Penny: (quite snappy with Leonard) What, now you're interested? You didn't even want to come.
 * Leonard: I know, but you guys make being a crappy friend look fun.
 * Penny: (with shifty happiness) Fine.
 * Leonard: Yeah, okay,
 * (The scene of the circle to Amy and Dave's restaurant window)
 * Leonard: (background voice) I see him.
 * (pan back to the scene of Bernadette's car)
 * Leonard: It looks like they're having a nice time. I wish I could hear what they're saying.
 * (A close-up of Bernadette)
 * Bernadette: Yeah, I should've brought my parabolic microphone.
 * (A close up of Penny)
 * Penny: Your what?
 * (Back to the close up of Bernadette)
 * Bernadette (she snaps at Penny crossly) Nothing. Not important.
 * (The restaurant scene of Amy's and Dave's conference)
 * Dave: So you've never been married?
 * Amy: No, I mean, to be completely honest, I've... I've only been in one long-term relationship.
 * Dave: Oh. What happened with that?
 * Amy: That's a good question.
 * (Bernadette walks past them through the window with her coat and phone. She has a disguise of a black baseball cap and sunglasses. She is holding the cap brim at the same time. Amy now speaks to Dave)
 * Amy: After five years, it was just feeling like more work than it should be.
 * Dave: (background voice) Oh, that's too bad. (Close up of Dave) Was he a neurobiologist like you?
 * Amy: No. He's a theoretical physicist at Caltech.
 * (Bernadette [with her black cap disguise] passes the window back to her car whilst she is videoing them, She pulls her sunglasses down for a second and puts them back on again and exits the window]
 * Dave: I love teaching math, but that would be my dream job. What's his focus?
 * Amy: Um... used to be string theory, now it's dark matter. But... let's not discuss Sheldon. Let's get back to you.
 * Dave: Wait, you're not talking about Dr. Sheldon Cooper?
 * Amy: I'm trying not to. Do you know him?
 * Dave: No, but I've followed his work for years. He's a rock star. You've got to tell me about him. What's he like?
 * (Amy opens her mouth which pans to the scene of the restaurant window through the circle and it now pans to the suspicious Penny with the binoculars)
 * Penny: He really seems into her.
 * (The car door opens and Bernadette excitedly gets into her driving seat with proudness, she giggles 'oh' and quickly takes the black baseball cap off and puts it out of sight)
 * Bernadette: I took a video. I forgot how much fun this is.
 * Leonard: Okay. we saw them. Can we go catch the movie?
 * (Bernadette is now very cross all of a sudden while Penny sighs in the background)
 * Bernadette: (she's asking Penny crossly) Why'd you bring him?
 * Penny: (she's informing her sadly) I had to. We're married now.
 * Bernadette: (she grunts crossly) Ugh, I hear that.
 * (Penny now shakes her head, Leonard looks out the window and Bernadette carries on looking at the video crossly).


 * (The restaurant scene of Dave and Amy chatting whilst having pasta meals together)
 * Dave: I'm sorry, just one more question about Sheldon.
 * Amy: Sure, why not?
 * Dave: It's more of a four-part question, really.
 * (Amy looks at Dave for a second)
 * Dave When he wrote his paper on supersingular prime numbers, how long did it take?
 * Amy: Um... about an hour and half.
 * Dave: Wow! I mean, wow! And you were there to see it? Yes.
 * Amy: Yep. We were on a date. Very much like this one. Mm. I doubt it was like this one. I mean, he's a genius, and I wasn't even smart enough to figure out why my wife always smelled of croissants.
 * Amy: What was the rest of your question?
 * Dave: Do you think you could introduce me to him?
 * Amy: Really? You-you want me to introduce you to my ex-boyfriend?
 * Dave: You're right, it's-it's weird. No, wait. Do it. No. I changed my mind. I'd be too nervous. Oh! I don't know what to do.
 * (Amy glares for a second and it pans to Bernadette's car with a silent and unhappy Penny having a grumpy think to herself with her hand on her chin whilst Bernadette is looking through the glasses and Leonard is getting rather fed up)
 * Leonard: Are we gonna be much longer? I really have to go to the bathroom.
 * (Bernadette produces an empty plastic bottle as a way to shut him up)
 * Bernadette: Right here.
 * (Leonard starts to reach for it)


 * (The ending scene where Amy stops her car and drops Dave off back at his house)
 * Dave: Uh, thanks for driving me home.
 * Amy:  (sighs) No problem. I'm really sorry about your car.
 * Dave: Oh, it's all right. If you're free next weekend, I'd love to take you out again.
 * Amy: Um... listen, you're a really nice guy, but I just... I don't think this is working out.
 * Dave: Oh. Okay.
 * Amy: (sighs) I'm... I'm really sorry.
 * Dave: No, it's... at least the same woman that rejected Sheldon Cooper rejected me.
 * Amy: There you go. (she does an awkward chuckle)
 * Dave: If I ever do meet him, we'll have that in common. Sure. Heh. And... he's kissed you and I've kissed you, so if you think about it...
 * Amy: (yells at him) Okay, get out.
 * (He starts to exit Amy's car).