Villain Pub - The Dead Pool (Infinity War)

Cue theme song!

♪Making your way evil today sure does take alot Thinking of ways to distribute hate takes everything you've got Wouldn't you like to rule the place Sometimes you wanna go where everybody hates your faaaaaaaaace And the villains share your raaaaaaaaaaaage You wanna be in the evil seat, heroes are all the same You wanna go where everybody hates your face♪

Palpatine, Joker, Voldemort, Zod, and every Marvel villain are celebrating because Thanos is finally leaving to actually do something other than sit in his chair.

Palpatine: Well, everyone, it has been a long time coming but it is finally time for our janitor, Thanos, to finally go out and make a name for himself.

Everyone: Hooray!!!

Voldemort: Yes. Here's to the one villain who's done absolutely nothing but is being treated as the scariest villain of all time!

Everyone: Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Thanos: It wasn't my time.

Palpatine: Okay, okay. Now that he's finally going to do something with his life, who's up for a little wager?

Everyone: Ooh ooh! Yes! Me me me!

Palpatine: So be it. I thought we'd start a dead pool on how many heroes Thanos is officially going to kill.

Deadpool: (popping in the door) Did somebody say Deadpool?

Palpatine: Not you, Deadpool! It's an actual dead pool. Now get out of here!

Deadpool: You're gonna have a dead pool without the real Deadpool?! Don't you know how profitable I am?!

Palpatine: GET OUT!

Deadpool: Eh, whatever. (to Thanos as he leaves) I'll see you later, Cable.

Thanos: Mergghhh.

Palpatine: Who wants the first wager?

Joker: Oooo! Oooo oooo oooo, I wanna bet! Put me down for Zero.

Palpatine: What?! Zero?

Joker: Yes, zero! It's Marvel! The good guys always win!

Malekith: No they don't!

Iron Monger: Remember Quicksilver, man?

Ego: And Yondu?

Joker: I'm just saying. The majority get away a lot.

Palpatine: Very well. Next!

Voldemort: I'm going to say Five. I bet he kills Iron Man, because he's like their dad and that would be really hard to watch; Doctor Strange, because he's got to have magic taken out of the picture; The Incredible Hulk, because he's super strong; Hawkeye, because arrows are stupid.

Iron Monger: Hawkeye's definitely gonna die, man.

Voldemort: And my last pick is, uh, Spider-Man.

Electro: No way! He can't get Spider-Man!

Vulture: What are you, nuts? Oh yes, he can.

Thanos: Oh yes, I can.

Red Skull: Put me down for Drei. I think it's going to be Captain America, Captain America, and Captain America.

Palpatine: You just said Captain America three times!

Red Skull: BECAUSE I VANT HIM TO DIE THREE TIMES!

Palpatine: Okay, Red Skull for Three Cap Deaths.

Hela: I bet he just gets One and it's Loki.

Chitauri Soldier: Oh yeah, Loki's totally gonna die.

Joker: Ooooo! Oooooo, put me down for Loki faking his death and killing Thanos later!

Thanos: Hey!

Joker: I'm just saying. He's a trickster.

Ego: No way! If anyone's gonna kill him, it's gotta be Nebula!

Apocalypse: PUT ALL OF MY MONEY ON WOLVERINE!

Palpatine: Okay, Apocalypse thinks The X-Men are going to show up for some reason. Anyone else?

Ultron: I bet he only gets Two. I bet it's Vision and Scarlet Witch.

Voldemort: Oh yes, I want to change my vote now! I forgot Vision has a stone in his head.

Palpatine: You can't change your vote!

Voldemort: THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!

Yellowjacket: You guys are overthinking this. He's just gonna get the support team. Put me down for Falcon, Ant-Man, Black Widow, Drax, War Machine, and Korg.

Zod: All I know is if you kill Groot, I'm gonna be totally pissed.

Everyone stares at Zod.

Zod: What? He's adorable!

Joker: What about you, Palps? What do you bet?

Palpatine: I think he's going to kill every last one of them except Ant-Man.

Joker: How does he do that?

Palpatine: Ant-Man will go molecular between time and space, and come back in the past meeting up with Captain Marvel, and they will work together to destroy Thanos in the sequel.

Zod: Oh, that sounds cool! I mean, Booooo! Heroes are so annoying!

Palpatine: Is that everyone? No one thinks he's going to kill Black Panther?

Deadpool: (popping in again) They're not gonna kill Black Panther! That would be commercial suicide. Almost like doing a Deadpool video without actually having Deadpool in it.

Palpatine: I SAID GET OUT!!!

Deadpool leaves again.

Thanos: (gets up) Well, guys, it's finally my time. I'm off to destroy the universe. (heads for the door) You guys were fun. You guys indeed brought a smile on my face. I hope they remember you. (leaves)

Voldemort: What does that mean?

Joker: We're not in danger! Hehe... (immediately worried) Are we?

The Villain Pub: The Dead Pool

The end.