The Emperor's New Groove

The Emperor's New Groove is a 2000 animated film.

Transcript

 * Kuzco: Aah! Wee-be-be-bee. Will you take a look at that? Pretty pathetic, huh? Well, you'll never believe this, but that llama you're looking at was once a human being. And not just any human being. That guy was an emperor. A rich, poweful ball of charisma. Oh, yeah! This is his story. [Crying] Well, actually my story. That's right-- I'm that llama. The name is Kuzco... Emperor Kuzco. I was the world's nicest guy, and they ruined my life for no reason. Oh, is that hard to believe? Look, I tell you what. You go back aways-- you know, before I was a llama, and this will all make sense. All right, now see, that's a little too far back. Oh, ho! Look at me! That's me as a baby.
 * Baby Kuzco: Waah!
 * Kuzco: Ahem! All right, let's move ahead.
 * Human Kuzco: Oh, yeah.
 * Theme song guy: There are despots and dictators. Political manipulators. There are blue bloods with the intellects of fleas. There are kings and catty tyrants who are so lacking in refinements. They'd be better suited swinging from the trees. He was born and raised to rule, no one has ever been as cool, in a thousand years of aristocracy.
 * [Ship's Horn Blows]
 * Theme song guy: An enigma and a mystery in Mesoamerican history, the quintessence of perfection that is he.
 * Kuzco: OK, this is the real me. Not this. This. Not this. Winner! Loser. OK, see this palace? Everyone in it is at my command. Check this out. [Snaps Fingers] Butler. Chef. Theme song guy.
 * Theme song guy: Oh, yeah! He's the sovereign lord of the nation, he's the hippest cat in creation. He's the alpha, the omega, A to Z.
 * [Snaps Fingers]
 * Theme song guy: And this perfect world will spin, around his every little whim, 'cause this perfect world begins and ends with.
 * Human Kuzco: Me.
 * Theme song guy: What's his name?
 * Chirus: Kuzco!
 * Theme song guy: That's his name!
 * Chorus: Kuzco!
 * Theme song guy: He's the king of the world!
 * Chorus: Kuzco!
 * Theme song guy: Is he hip or what?
 * Chorus: Kuzco!
 * Theme song guy: Yeah!
 * [Tires Skidding]
 * Human Kuzco: Gow! You threw off my groove!
 * Guard: I'm sorry, but you've thrown off the emperor's groove.
 * Rudy: Sorry!
 * Human Kuzco: You were saying?
 * Theme song guy: What's his name? Kuzco!
 * Chorus: Kuzco!
 * Theme song guy: That's his name! Is he hip or what? Don't you know he's the king of the world? Whoa, yeah. Oww!
 * Human Kuzco: Ha! Boom, baby!
 * Royal Recordkeeper: Aah! Your Highness, it is time for you to choose your bride.
 * Human Kuzco: All righty. Trot out the ladies. Let's take a look-see. Hate your hair. Not likely. Yikes, yikes, yikes, and let me guess. You have a great personality. Is this really the best you could do?
 * Royal Recordkeeper: Oh, yes. Oh, no. I mean, perhaps--
 * Kuzco: What is he babbling about? He's like the thing that wouldn't shut up. Anyway, still wondering about that llama in the opening? Well, let me show you the people responsible for ruining my life. First, there's Pacha.
 * Pacha: Uh, excuse me. I'm here to see Emperor Kuzco. You see, I got this summons--
 * Guard: Inside, up the stairs, and to the left. Just follow the signs.
 * Pacha: Oh, great. Thanks a lot.
 * Kuzco: Uh, and don't be fooled by the folksy peasant look.
 * Pacha: Oh!
 * Rudy: Pardon me. That's mine.
 * Pacha: Oh, here you go.
 * Rudy: Thank you.
 * Pacha: You're welcome. Aah! Oh, hey. Are you all right? Here. Let me, uh--
 * Rudy: Oh, you're so very kind.
 * Pacha: What happened?
 * Rudy: Well, I... I threw off the emperor's groove.
 * Pacha: What?
 * Rudy: His groove! The rhythm in which he lives his life, his pattern of behavior. I threw it off, and the emperor had me thrown out the window.
 * Pacha: [Gasps] Oh, really? I'm supposed to see him today.
 * Rudy: Don't throw off his groove!
 * Pacha: Oh, OK.
 * Rudy: Beware the groove.
 * Pacha: Hey, are you gonna be all right?
 * Rudy: Groove.
 * Kuzco: You see what I mean? This guy's trouble, but as bad as he is, he is nothing compared to what's coming up next.
 * Yzma: And why have you come here today?
 * Peasant: Well... Your Highness-- I mean, Your Grace.
 * Kuzco: OK, gang. Check out this piece of work. This is Yzma, the emperor's advisor-- living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the Earth. And let's not forget Yzma's right-hand man. Every decade or so she gets a new one. This year's model is called Kronk.
 * [Fly Buzzing]
 * Kronk: Yeah, I got that there, Yzma. Unh!
 * [Buzzing]
 * Kuzco: Yep, that's Kronk. Now lately, Yzma's gotten into this bad habit of trying to run the country behind my back, and I'm thinkin' that's got to stop.
 * Yzma: It is no concern of mine whether your family has... What was it again?
 * Peasant: Um, food.
 * Yzma: Ha! You really should have thought of that before you became peasants. We're through here. Take him away. Next!
 * Peasant: But I-- Oh, OK.
 * Yzma: Ugh.
 * Kuzco: The nerve of some of those peasants, huh?
 * Yzma: Tell me about it. Aah!
 * Human Kuzco: Hi there.
 * Yzma: Ooh, Your Highness.
 * Human Kuzco: Ahem.
 * Yzma: Oh, oh, oh, ha ha ha. Um...
 * Human Kuzco: Uh, you were doing it again.
 * Yzma: Doing? Doing... Doing what?
 * Human Kuzco: Doing my job. I'm the emperor, and you're the emperor's advisor. Remember that?
 * Yzma: But, Your Highness, I was only dealing with meaningless peasant matters.
 * Kuzco: Whoa. Look at these wrinkles. What is holding this woman together? What the-- How long has that been there?
 * Kronk: Good thinkin', Yzma. What do you say, Kuzco?
 * Human Kuzco: Whoa! No touchy! No touchy. No touch.
 * Servant: Excuse me, Your Highness. The village leader is here to see you.
 * Human Kuzco: Oh, great. Send him in. Oh, and by the way, you're fired.
 * Yzma: Fired? W-W-What do you mean, fired?
 * Human Kuzco: Um, how else can I say it? You're being let go, your department's being downsized, you're part of an outppacement, we're going in a different direction, we're not picking up your option... Take your pick. I got more.
 * Yzma: But I-- You--uh-- Uhh. But-- But, Your Highness, I have been nothing if not loyal to the empire for--for--for many, many years.
 * Human Kuzco: Hey, hey everybody hits their stride. You just hit yours 50 years ago. So...who's in my chair?
 * Kronk: Oh, oh! I know! Yzma. Yzma's in your chair, right?
 * Human Kuzco: Very good, Kronk. Here. Get the snack.
 * Kronk: Got it! Unh! Oof!
 * Human Kuzco: OK, you heard the man. Up, up, up.
 * Kronk: I'm OK. I'm fine.
 * [Snarling]
 * Human Kuzco: Ah. OK. Show him in.
 * Pacha: Ahem. Uh, afternoon, Your Highness. I'm here because I recived a summons--
 * Human Kuzco: Hey, there he is! My main village man.
 * Pacha: Um, Pacha. Anyway, I got this summons--
 * Human Kuzco: Pacha. That's right. You are just the man I wanted to see.
 * Pacha: I am?
 * Human Kuzco: Word on the street is you can fix my problem. You can fix my problem, can't you?
 * Pacha: Sure. I'll do what I can.
 * Human Kuzco: Good, good. That's just what I wanted to hear. Are you aware of just how important your village is to the empire?
 * Pacha: Well, I know we grow the crops that you use here at the palace. We also herd the llamas that you-- My village?
 * Human Kuzco: Oh, yeah. You got a pretty sweet little setup there on top of that hill, don't you? Ha ha ha!
 * Pacha: Yeah. My family has lived on that hilltop for the last 6 generations.
 * Human Kuzco: Uh-huh. So tell me, where do you find you find you get the most sun?
 * Pacha: Oh, I'd say just on the other side of those trees. When the sun hits that ridge just right, these hills sing.
 * Human Kuzco: Well, that settles it.
 * Pacha: Really?
 * Human Kuzco: Yep. Problem solved. Thanks for coming.
 * Pacha: That's it? That's all you wanted me for?
 * Human Kuzco: I just needed an insider's opinion before I OK'd this spot for my pool.
 * Pacha: Uh...your pool?
 * Human Kuzco: Boo-yah! Welcome to Kuzcotopia, my ultimate summer getaway complete with water slide.
 * Pacha: What?
 * Human Kuzco: Isn't it great? It's my birthday gift to me. Ha! I'm so happy.
 * Pacha: Uh...uh... um...I don't understand how this could happen.
 * Human Kuzco: Well, let me clear it up for you. At my birthday celebration tomorrow, I give the word, and your town will be destroyed to make way for this...
 * [Hums Carnival Tune]
 * Human Kuzco: So, if I were you, I'd pick up some change-of-address forms on the way home.
 * Pacha: But, um, where will we live?
 * Human Kuzco: Hmm... Don't know, don't care. How's that?
 * Pacha: Oh, but wait. You can't--
 * Human Kuzco: When I give the word, your little town thingy will be bye-bye. Bye-bye!
 * Pacha: Oh, w--wait. No--
 * Human Kuzco: Heh heh Boohoo. Oh, yeah. Everything was goin' my way. Or so I thought.
 * Yzma: He can't get rid of me that easily. Who does that ungrateful little worm think he is? Does he... A little to the left. ...have any idea of who he's dealing with? How could he do this to me? Why, I practically raised him.
 * Kronk: Yeah, you think he would've turned out better.
 * Yzma: Yeah, go figure.
 * Kronk: Well, it's better you're takin' out your anger on these things instead of Kuzco, huh?
 * Yzma: [Gasps] That's it, Kronk! That's it!
 * [Crash]
 * Yzma: I'll get rid of Kuzco. Ha ha ha ha ha!
 * Kronk: The real Kuzco?
 * Yzma: Of course the real Kuzco. Don't you see? It's perfect. With him out of the way and no heir to the throne, I'll take over and rule the empire. Brilliant!
 * Kronk: So how does that work with you bein' fired and all?
 * Yzma: The only ones who know about that are the three of us, soon to be the two of us.
 * Kronk: And I'm one of those two, right?
 * Yzma: To the secret lab! Pull the lever, Kronk. Wrong lever!
 * [Splash]
 * Kronk: Huh?
 * Yzma: Why do we even have that lever?
 * [Yelps]
 * Yzma: Get out of my way!
 * Skull: Please remain seated and keep your arms and legs at all times.
 * Yzma: Whee!
 * Kronk: Faster, faster! Yzma, put your hands in the air! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
 * Yzma: Ah, how shall I do it? Oh, I know. I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea, and then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives, ah ha ha ha! I'll smash it with a hammer! It's brilliant brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say! Or, to save on postage, I'll just poison him with this. Take it, Kronk. Oh ho ho ho. Feel the power.
 * Kronk: Oh... I can feel it.
 * Yzma: Our moment of triumph approaches. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's dinner time. So...is everything ready for tonight?
 * Kronk: Oh, yeah. I thought we'd start off with soup and a light salad and then see how we feel after that.
 * Yzma: Not the dinner... The you know.
 * Kronk: Oh, right. The poison-- The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen specially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison. That poison?
 * Yzma: Yes! That poison.
 * Kronk: Got you covered.
 * Yzma: Excellent. A few drops in his drink, then I'll propose a toast, and he will be dead for dessert.
 * Kronk: Which is a real shame, because it's gonna be delicious.
 * [Door Bangs Open]
 * Human Kuzco: Boom, bam, baby! Let's get to the grub. I am one hungry king of the world. So...no hard feelings about being let go.
 * Yzma: None whatsoever. Kronk, get the emperor a drink.
 * Kronk: Drink. Right.
 * [Pouring Drink]
 * [Opening Poison Stopper]
 * [Pours Poison In Drink]
 * [Explosion]
 * Kronk: Your Highness.
 * Human Kuzco: [Sniffs] Is something burning?
 * Kronk: [Gasps] My spinach puffs!
 * [Twangs Fork]
 * Human Kuzco: Ahem. So...he seems... nice.
 * Yzma: Heh. He is.
 * Human Kuzco: He's what, in his late twenties?
 * Yzma: Heh heh. I'm not sure.
 * Kronk: Saved 'em!
 * Human Kuzco: That's great.
 * Yzma: Great!
 * Human Kuzco: Good job.
 * Yzma: Very good job.
 * Kronk: Watch it. They're still hot.
 * Yzma: Ahem. Ahem! Heh heh heh. Kronk. The emperor needs his...drink.
 * Kronk: Right. Oh. Right.
 * Human Kuzco: Hey, Kronky, everything OK back there? Well, heh.
 * Kronk: Oh, uh... Ooh. The drinks were a bit on the... hmm... oh...ugh...warm side. Heh heh. Hey, did you see that sky today? Talk about blue.
 * Yzma: Ha ha ha. Yes, Kronk. Riveting. A toast to the emperor! Long live Kuzco!
 * Kronk: [Under His Breath] Don't drink the wine. [Coughing] Poison.
 * Human Kuzco: Ah! Tasty.
 * Yzma: Finally! Ha ha ha! Good work, Kronk.
 * Kronk: Oh, they're so easy to make. I'll get you the recipe.
 * Yzma: Now to get rid of the body.
 * Human Kuzco: OK! What were we saying?
 * Yzma: Uh...we were just making a toast to your long and... healthy rule.
 * Kuzco: Right. So what are you gonna do? I mean, you've been around here a long time, and I really mean a long time. Um...
 * Yzma: Ahem. [Humming]
 * Kuzco: It might be difficult for someone of your age adjusting to life in the private sector. Hey, Kronk, can you top me off, pal? Be a friend? Heh heh.
 * [Yzma Muttering]
 * Kuzco: Now, about you finding new work... Hit him on the head. ...that's--that's gonna be tough.
 * Kronk: More broccoli?
 * Kuzco: Because you're... you know. Let's face it. You're no spring chicken, and I mean that in the best possible way.
 * Yzma: What? A llama? He's supposed to be dead!
 * Kronk: Yeah, weird.
 * Yzma: Let me see that vial. This isn't poison. This is extract of llama. Ugh!
 * Kronk: You know, in my defense, your poisons all look alike. You might think about relabeling some of them.
 * Yzma: Take him out of town and finish the job now!
 * Kronk: What about dinner?
 * Yzma: Kronk, this is kind of important.
 * Kronk: How about dessert?
 * Yzma: Well, I suppose there's time for dessert.
 * Kronk: And coffee?
 * Yzma: All right. A quick cup of coffee. Then take him out of town and finish the job!
 * [Kronk Singing Jazz Scat]
 * Kronk: Cha cha cha cha.
 * Kuzco: Guess where I am right now. Uh-huh. In the bag. Still think I'm the victim here? Watch. It gets better.
 * Kronk: Hey! Ba-da ba-da ba-da-da.
 * Kuzco: Ugh, he's doing his own theme music?
 * [Holds Note]
 * Kronk: Ba-da ba-da ba-da ba. Ba-da-ba.
 * Kuzco: Gig, dumb, and tone deaf. I am so glad I was unconscious for all of this.
 * Kronk: Huhh! Mission accomplished.
 * Kronk angel: You're not just gonna let him did like that, are you?
 * Kronk: My shoulder angel.
 * Kronk devil: Don't listen to that guy. He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness. I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks.
 * Kronk angel: Oh, come off it.
 * Kronk devil: You come off it!
 * Kronk angel: You.
 * Kronk devil: You.
 * Kronk angel: You.
 * Kronk devil: You infinity.
 * Kronk angel: Uhh!
 * Kronk devil: Listen up, big guy. I got 3 good reasons why you should just walk away. "Number one..." Look at that guy! He's got that sissy stringy music thing.
 * Kronk angel: We've been through this. It's a harp, and you know it.
 * Kronk devil: Oh, right. That's a harp... and that's a dress.
 * Kronk angel: Robe!
 * Kronk devil: Reason number 2. Look what I can do. Ha ha ha!
 * Kronk: But...what does that have to do with anything?
 * Kronk angel: No, no. He's got a point.
 * Kronk: Listen, you guys. You're sort of confusing me, so begone! Uh, or, uh, you know. However I get rid of you guys.
 * Kronk devil: That'll work.
 * Kuzco: Um, what's with the chimp and the bug? Can we get back to me?
 * Kronk: Oh, boy. Think, think, think. What to do, what to do? What do we do with the body?
 * Pacha: [Sighs] What am I gonna tell the village?
 * Kronky: Come on, Kronky. Come on, Kronky. OK. What do I do? What do I do? Aah!
 * [Mrreoww]
 * Kronk: Back! Elbow! Shoulder! Unh!
 * [Meow]
 * [Gasps]
 * Kronk: Oh. Hey! Hey, you! Hey! Excuse me. Excuse me. Stop! Pardon me. Excuse me. Sorry about that. Comin' through. Hey, you with the cart! Uh-oh. This is not good. Uhh. Hope that doesn't come back to haunt me.
 * Tipo: Mom, Mom! I think I'm still growing! Measure me again!
 * Chicha: All right, Tipo. Stand still and let's see.
 * Chaca: Mom, you and I both know that it's impossible for him to have grown in the last 5 minutes.
 * Chicha: Mmm! Mmm!
 * Chaca: Isn't it?
 * Chicha: [Gasps] Look how much you've grown!
 * Chaca: What? Tipo, get out of the way. It's my turn again. Measure me.
 * Tipo: Dad's home!
 * [Kids Laughing]
 * Pacha: Hey, ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Come here. Ha ha ha!
 * [All Three Laughing]
 * Tipo: Dad! I ate a bug today!
 * Pacha: Oh! Was Mom baking again? Heh. Don't tell her I said that.
 * Chicha: I heard that. OK, everybody, move aside. Lady with a baby coming through.
 * Tipo: Dad, Dad, Dad! Look at how big I am! We were all measured today.
 * Pacha: Oh.
 * Tipo: I'm going through a growth spurt. I'm as big as you were when you were me.
 * Pacha: Mm-hmm. Sure are.
 * Chaca: That's not as impressive as my loose tooth. See?
 * Chicha: OK, OK, you two. Our deal was that you could stay awake until Daddy came home. Now say good night.
 * Both: Dad, do we have to?
 * [Whimpering]
 * Pacha: No, you two can stay up. We're just gonna be sittin' here tellin' each other how much we love each other. Right, honey? [Coos]
 * Tipo: Ew!
 * Chaca: Blecch!
 * Both: Good night.
 * [Both Laughing]
 * Chicha: So what did the emperor want?
 * Pacha: Ahem. You know what? He couldn't see me.
 * Chicha: Couldn't see you? Why not?
 * Pacha: I don't know.
 * Chicha: Well, that's just rude.
 * Pacha: Well, he is the emperor. I'm sure he's busy.
 * Chicha: No, no, no, no. No. Emperor or no emperor, it's called common courtesy.
 * Pacha: Honey...
 * Chicha: If that were me, I'd march right back there and demand to see him, and you know I would.
 * Pacha: Sweetie, sweetie, think of the baby.
 * Chicha: Pacha, I'm fine. The baby's not coming for a while, but even if it was, I'd give tha guy a piece of my mind. That kind of behavior just--just-- Uhh! [Snarls] I gotta go was something. Pacha? You OK?
 * Pacha: Hmm? Oh, yeah. I'm just a little tired from the trip. Um...I'm gonna go put Misty away.
 * Kuzco: Uh, heh heh. Hi. Excuse me. 2 seconds here. Um, I'm the one in the cart Remember? This story's about me, not him. OK. You got it? All right. We're gonna move ahead. Sorry to slow you down. Heh heh heh.
 * Pacha: Huh? Whoa.
 * Kuzco: Uhh. Oh.
 * Pacha: Where'd you come from, little guy?
 * Kuzco: No touchy.
 * Pacha: Aah! Demon llama!
 * Kuzco: Demon llama? Where?
 * Llama: Aah!
 * Kuzco: Aah! [Panting] Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Ooh hoo hoo! Ow! Ow, my head.
 * Pacha: OK, demon llama. Just take it easy. I mean you no harm.
 * Kuzco: What are you talking talking about-- Oh, wait. I know you. You're that whiny peasant.
 * Pacha: [Gasps] Emperor Kuzco?
 * Kuzco: Yeah. Who do you think you were talkin' to?
 * Pacha: Uh...how did-- Um... you don't... look like the emperor.
 * Kuzco: What do you mean I don't look like the emperor?
 * Pacha: Uh...oh... do this...
 * Kuzco: What is this, some kind of little game you country folk like to-- Aah! It can't be! Aah! Aah! Aah! My face! Aah! My beautiful, beautiful face!
 * Pacha: OK, OK, OK.
 * Kuzco: I'm an ugly, stinky llama!
 * Pacha: Wait, OK, Your Majesty.
 * Kuzco: Llama face!
 * Pacha: Shh! What happened?
 * Kuzco: I'm tryin' to figure that out, OK? [Laughing Hysterically] Ohh-ho! I can't remember. I can't remember anything. Wait a minute. I remember you. I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was, and then you got mad at me. Ohh! And you turned me into a llama!
 * Pacha: What? No, I did not.
 * Kuzco: Yes, and then you kidnapped me.
 * Pacha: Why would I kidnap a llama?
 * Kuzco: I have no idea. You're the crinimal mastermind, not me.
 * Pacha: What?
 * Kuzco: Hmm. You're right. That's giving you way too much credit. OK. I have to get back to the palace. Yzma's got that "secret lab." I'll just snap my fingers and order her to change me back. Hey, you. No waste. Let's go. Hey, tiny, I want to get out of this body. Wouldn't you? Now let's go.
 * Pacha: Build your summerhouse somewhere else.
 * Kuzco: You want to run that by me again?
 * Pacha: I can't let you go back unless you change your mind and build your summer home somewhere else.
 * Kuzco: Hmm. I got a little secret for you. Come here. No, closer. I don't make deals with peasants!
 * Pacha: Then I guess I can't take you back.
 * Kuzco: Fine. I don't need you. I can find my own way back.
 * Pacha: I wouldn't recommend it. It's a little dangerous if you don't know the way.
 * Kuzco: Nice try, pal.
 * Pacha: No, reay. I'm telling you, there are jaguars and snakes and quicksand.
 * Kuzco: [High Voice] I'm not listening.
 * Pacha: I'm not kidding. Listen, you cannot go in there.
 * Kuzco: La la la la. Oh. Heh heh. Still not listening.
 * Pacha: Aw, you... Fine. Fine. Go ahead! If there's no Kuzco, there's no Kuzcotopia. Takes care of my problem. Hmm.
 * Kuzco: [Kuzco Laughs] Scary jungle. Right. Ooh, a leaf. Ooh, it might attack me. Oh, it's a scary tree. [High Voice] I'm afraid. Ha ha. Please. Never find my way? I'm the emperor, and as such, I'm born with an innate sense of direction. OK, where am I?
 * [Buzzing]
 * Kuzco: [Gasps] Wha--
 * Fly: Help me! Help me! Help me!
 * [Crunch]
 * Kuzco: Uhh.
 * Fly: Too late.
 * Kuzco: OK, that was the freakiest thing I've ever seen. [Gasps]
 * [Animal Roars]
 * Kuzco: Aah! Hmm. What do you want?
 * [Chatters]
 * Kuzco: Oh, for me? Why, I don't know what to say.
 * [Laughs]
 * Bucky: Ow!
 * Kuzco: Hit the road, bucky.
 * [Mutters]
 * [Raspberry]
 * Kuzco: Aah! Ow! Huh? Huh?
 * [Snoring]
 * Kuzco: Huh? Uh-oh.
 * [Chatters]
 * Kuzco: No, no. No, no, no, no.
 * [Chatters]
 * Kuzco: No, no. No, don't.
 * [Chatters]
 * [Loud Pop]
 * Kuzco: Ha! [Gasps]
 * [Jaguars Roaring]
 * Kuzco: Aah! No! Aah!
 * [Jaguar Roars]
 * Kuzco: Aah!
 * [Roaring]
 * [Meow]
 * Kuzco: You killer jaguars... Whoa!
 * Pacha: Aah-eee! Aah! [Pacha Screams Tarzan Yell] Aah!
 * [Jaguars Growling]
 * Pacha: Yee-aah!
 * Kuzco: Aah!
 * Pacha: Don't worry, Your Highness. I gotcha. You're safe now.
 * Kuzco: Maybe I just new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backwards, wouldn't you say?
 * Pacha: No, no, no. It's--It's OK. This--This is all right. We can figure this out.
 * Kuzco: I hate you.
 * Pacha: No!
 * Kuzco: Yaah! Aah! Ow!
 * [Both Scream]
 * [Bubbly Scream]
 * Kuzco: Whoo hoo hoo! Aah! Ow! Ow! Uhh!
 * [Both Cough]
 * Kuzco: [Spits] I don't know about you, but I'm getting all funned out.
 * Pacha: Uh-oh.
 * Kuzco: Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall.
 * Pacha: Yep.
 * Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
 * Pacha: Most likely.
 * Kuzco: Bring it on. Boo-yah! Whoo!
 * [Splash]
 * Pacha: [Gasps] [Gasps] [Inhales] [Sighs] Your Highness. Your Highness, can you hear me? Oh, boy. Come on, breathe. Breathe! Ohh. Why me? Ooh! All right. [Inhales] Ohh!
 * Kuzco: Aah!
 * [Both Spit]
 * Both: Ohh!
 * [Gargles]
 * Pacha: For the last time, it was not a kiss.
 * Kuzco: Well, whatever you call it... [Spits] it was disgusting. And if you would've done what I ordered you to do in the first place, we all could've been spared your little kiss of life.
 * Pacha: Aw!
 * Kuzco: But now that you're here, you will take me back to the palace. I'll have Yzma change me back, and then I'll start construction on Kuzcotopia. Oh, yeah.
 * Pacha: OK, now, look, I think we got off on the wrong foot here. Mm-hmm. I think if you really thought about it, you'd decide to build your home on a different hilltop.
 * Kuzco: And why would I do that?
 * Pacha: Because... deep down, I think you'll realize that you're forcing an entire village out of their homes just for you.
 * Kuzco: And that's... bad?
 * Pacha: [Laughs] Well, yeah. Nobody's that heartless.
 * Kuzco: Mmm. Now take me back.
 * Pacha: What? Wait, wait. How can you be this way? All you care about is building your summer home and filling it with stuff for you.
 * Kuzco: Uh, yeah. Doy. Me. Everyone else in the kingdom gets it. You're the only one that doesn't seem to be with the program, eh, Pacha?
 * Pacha: You know what? Someday, you're going to wind up all alone, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.
 * Kuzco: Thanks for that. I'll log that away. Now, for the final time, I order you to take me back to the palace.
 * Pacha: Looks to me like you're stuck out here, because unlese you change your mind, I'm not taking you back.
 * Kuzco: [Imitates] Because unless you change your mind, I'm not taking you back. Me, me, me. Moo, moo, moo. Huh? What? I didn't do anything. I didn't-- Somebody's throwing stuff. You going to build a fire or what?
 * Pacha: [Sighs] He's never going to change his mind.
 * Kuzco: Ohh. How am I ever going to get out of here? [Muttering, Shivering] [Stops Shivering]
 * Yzma: And so, it is with great sadness that we mourn the sudden departure of our beloved prince...
 * [Sobbing]
 * Yzma: taken from us so tragically on the very eve of his 18th birthday.
 * Kronk: Poor little guy.
 * Yzma: His legacy will live on our hearts...
 * Kronk: He had never had a chance.
 * Yzma: for all eternity.
 * [Sniffles]
 * Yzma: Well, he ain't gettin' any deader. Back to work.
 * [Blows]
 * Yzma: Kronk, darlin', I must you had me worried when you mixed up those poisons, but now that Kuzco is dead, all is forgiven.
 * Kronk: Ah. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's... Heh. He's dead, all right. Heh heh. I mean, you can't get much deader than he-- then he is right now. Unless, of course, we killed him again.
 * Yzma: I suppose.
 * Kronk: Hey, look, the royal dresser's here.
 * Yzma: Kronk...
 * Kronk: I should tell you right now I'm kind of hard to fit.
 * Yzma: Kronk...
 * Kronk: I wear a 66 long and a 31 waist.
 * Yzma: Kuzco is dead, right? Tell me Kuzco's dead. I need to hear these words.
 * Kronk: Do you need to hear all those words exactly?
 * Yzma: He's still alive?
 * Kronk: Well, he's not as dead as would've hoped.
 * Yzma: Kronk...
 * Kronk: I just thought I'd give you the heads-up in case Kuzco ever came back.
 * Yzma: He can't come back!
 * Kronk: Yeah. That would be kind of awkward-- especially after that lovely eulogy.
 * Yzma: You think? You and I are going out to find him. If he talks, we are through! Now let's move!
 * Tipo: Dad, look out! [Panting]
 * Chicha: Tipo, what is it?
 * Tipo: I had a dream that Dad was tied to a log and careening out of control down a raging river of death!
 * Chicha: All right, all right, it's OK.
 * Tipo: It was awful!
 * Chicha: Shh! It's OK, it's OK. Tipo, calm down. It was just a dream. Your dad's fine. He just went back to see the emperor.
 * Tipo: Oh. Like you told him to, 'cause you're always right.
 * Chicha: That's right.
 * Chaca: Well, in my dream, Dad had to kiss a llama.
 * Tipo: Yeah, like that would ever happen.
 * Chaca: It could.
 * Tipo: Nuh-uh.
 * Chaca: Yeah-huh.
 * Tipo: Nuh-uh.
 * Chaca: Yeah-huh.
 * [Continue Bickering Quickly]
 * Chica: Good night, you two.
 * Both: Night, Mom!
 * Chaca: Yeah-huh. Yeah-huh.
 * Tipo: Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh.
 * [Screeching]
 * Pacha: Ooh! [Coughs] B-B-Brr!
 * Kuzco: Uh, hey. Thanks.
 * Pacha: Oh. No problem.
 * Kuzco: Feels like wool.
 * Pacha: Yeah.
 * Kuzco: Alpaca?
 * Pacha: Oh, yeah, it is.
 * Kuzco: Oh, yeah, I thought so. It's nice.
 * Pacha: My wife made it.
 * Kuzco: Oh, she knits?
 * Pacha: Crochets.
 * Kuzco: Crochets? Nice.
 * Pacha: Thanks.
 * [Ribbit]
 * [Ribbit Ribbit]
 * Kuzco: So... So, I was thinking that when I got back to the city, we'd, uh... I mean, there's lots of hilltops, and maybe I might, you know... I--I might...
 * Pacha: Are you saying... you've changed your mind?
 * Kuzco: Oh, well, I--I...
 * Pacha: Because you know that means you're doing something nice for something else.
 * Kuzco: No, I know that. I know.
 * Pacha: And you're all right with that?
 * Kuzco: Yes. What?
 * Pacha: Don't shake unless you mean it. All right. Let's get you back to the palace. Oh, by the way, thanks.
 * Kuzco: No... thank you.
 * 'Pacha: OK. Once we cross this bridge, it's only an hour to the palace.
 * Kuzco: Good, because believe it or not, I think I need a bath.
 * Pacha: I believe it. What was that?
 * Kuzco: Nothing.
 * Pacha: Ohh! Whoa! Kuzco! Kuzco!
 * Kuzco: Yeah?
 * Pacha: Quick, help me up!
 * Kuzco: No. I don't think I will.
 * Pacha: You're going to leave me here?
 * Kuzco: Well, I was going to have you imprisoned for life, but I kind of like this better.
 * Pacha: I thought you were a changed man.
 * Kuzco: Oh, come on. I had to say something to get you to take me back to the city.
 * Pacha: So all of it was a lie?
 * Kuzco: Well, yeah. No, wait. Uh, yeah, yeah. It all was a lie. Toodles.
 * Pacha: We shook hands on it! [Echoes]
 * Kuzco: You know, the funny thing about about shaking hands is... you need hands. Ha! OK. Buh-bye. Aah!
 * Pacha: Are you OK? Are you all right?
 * Kuzco: Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm all right.
 * Pacha: Good! That's for going back on your promise!
 * Kuzco: Yii! Yeah. That's for kiddnapping me and taking me to your village... which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way. Ah ha ha ha! No touchy. Ooh!
 * Pacha: Why did I risk my life for a slefish brat like you? I was always taught that there was good in everyone, but ooh, you proved me wrong.
 * Kuzco: Oh, boohoo. Now I feel really bad. Bad llama.
 * Pacha: I could've let you die out there in that jungle, and then all my problems would be over.
 * Kuzco: Well, that makes you ugly and stupid.
 * Pacha: Let's end this.
 * Kuzco: Ladies first.
 * [Bell Dings]
 * Pacha: Aah!
 * Kuzco: Yaah!
 * [Both Grunting]
 * [Honks]
 * [Rope Snaps]
 * Kuzco: Ohh!
 * Both: Aah!
 * [Both Screaming]
 * Both: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
 * Pacha: Whoa!
 * Kuzco: Ohh!
 * [Alligators Roar]
 * Kuzco: What are we gonna do? Aah! What are we gonna do? We're gonna die! We're gonna die! That's it for me!
 * Pacha: No, we're not. Calm down. I have an idea. Give me your arm. OK, now the other one. When I say go, push against my back, and we'll walk up the hill. Ready? Go.
 * Kuzco: Ow! You did that on purpose. Aah!
 * Pacha: No, I didn't! Now, we're gonna have to work together to get out of this, so follow my lead. Ready? Right foot.
 * Kuzco: Whose right? Your right or mine?
 * Pacha: I don't care. Mine.
 * Kuzco: Well, why yours?
 * Pacha: OK, your right! Ready?
 * Kuzco: OK, got it.
 * Pacha: OK, right. Left. Right.
 * Kuzco: Ha ha! Look, we're moving!
 * [Roar]
 * Kuzco: Aah!
 * Pacha: Don't look down! Now, stay with me. Stay with me. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right!
 * Kuzco: Now what, genius?
 * Pacha: Working on it. OK, here's the deal. Stretch out your neck, and I'll grab the rope.
 * Kuzco: How do I know you won't let me fall after you grab the rope?
 * Pacha: You're just gonna have to trust me!
 * Kuzco: [Strains] You know, it's a good thing you're not a big, fat guy, or this would be really difficult. Aah! Aah!
 * Pacha: Almost. Got it! It's stuck.
 * Kuzco: Take your time. No hurry here. Scorpions! Aah ha ha!
 * Pacha: Kuzco!
 * Kuzco: Aah! Oh, no!
 * Pacha: Uhh! Aah! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
 * Kuzco: Huh? Aah! Aah!
 * Pacha: Whoa!
 * [Both Laugh]
 * [Rumbling]
 * Pacha: Huh?
 * Kuzco: Look out!
 * Pacha: Ohh! Ohh.
 * Kuzco: Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Ooh, look at me and my bad self. I snatched you right out of the air. "Ooh, I'm a crumbly canyon wall, and I'm taking you with me." Well, not today, pal. Uh-huh. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Uh-huh.
 * Pacha: You just saved my life.
 * Kuzco: Huh? So?
 * Pacha: I knew it.
 * Kuzco: Knew what?
 * Pacha: That there is some good in you after all.
 * Kuzco: Oh, no.
 * Pacha: Admit it.
 * Kuzco: Wrong.
 * Pacha: Yes, there is.
 * Kuzco: Nuh-uh.
 * Pacha: I think there is.
 * Kuzco: Nuh-uh!
 * Pacha: Hey, you could've let me fall.
 * Kuzco: Come on, what's the big deal? Nobody's that heartless. [Gasps] Don't read too much into it. It was a one-time thing.
 * Pacha: Right. Sure. Well, we better get going. With that bridge out, it's a 4-day walk to the palace.
 * Kuzco: What? You mean you're still taking me back?