Dream Date Chicken

(The episode begins with the camera opening on the Cow and Chicken's house. It then cuts to the living room, where Chicken watches TV and Cow is doing her chore of vacuuming the floor.)

Cow: [Humming]

Mom: "Chicken, why don't you take a hint from your sister and take out the garbage?"

Chicken: [Snaps] "Stop rattin' on me! Why do I always have to do everything around here?!" [Destroys the T.V.] "GET OFF MY CASE!" [Banging his fists the walls in tune with his line]

Mom: (quivering) "Honey, talk to your son; I had just about all I can take." [Runs away, crying]

Dad: "Listen here, Chief: when you're all grown up and living like some hopped up and crazy bachelor, you can sleep on a pile of garbage for all I care! But as long as you're living under my roof, you've got to live by my rules!"

(Cow watches the argument with a worried look on her face, and Chicken's beak droops as he listens to father tell him off.)

Chicken: "But-"

Dad: "That's it! I'll have no back-talk, Mister! You're grounded!"

(Chicken goes into his room and slams the door. The camera then shifts inside the bedroom, where Cow opens the door and gasps.]

Cow: "Where are you going?"

(Chicken has a bindle stick full of his possessions.)

Chicken: "I am runnin' away to be a bachelor with cousin Boneless Chicken. No one tells him what to do; he just lays around his cool bachelor pad and does whatever he wants. Hasta la adiós, Cow."

[Chicken hops out of the window and climbs down the ladder.]

Cow: "Adiós, big brother. [Moos. She then tears up and turns away.] Oh, Chicken's a grown-up bachelor, and... I'm all alone!" [Slumps on the floor and cries] "Ooh, I want to play grown-up bachelor, too!" [Continues crying]

(The scene then fades to the trash-cluttered lawn of Boneless Chicken, where Chicken trips on the doorstep and pushes the front door that is being blocked by trash bags. Chicken comes into his cousin's house.)

Chicken: "Oh, cuz? Cousin Boneless? Youse home?"

(Chicken walks into the bathroom and gasps at Cousin Boneless lying on the floor and trying to use his electric razor.)

Boneless Chicken: "Help me, boy! I need to shave and get ready for a hot blind date."

Chicken: "Cool!"

(Chicken whips Boneless flat on the toilet seat and shaves his backside, skinning him in the process. Chicken raises his arm and sniffs him.)

Chicken: "Phew! When was the last time you took a shower, Boneless Chicken?"

Boneless Chicken: "Does getting mauled by a slobbering St. Bernard count as a shower?"

Chicken: "Lemme help ya's out there, Boneless."

(Chicken tosses Boneless into the washer and turns it on. But, just as he walks away rubbing off the dust from his hands, he hears knocking sounds and his cousin screaming from within the washer. He turns around and gasps to see Boneless having a wild ride inside the washer.)

Chicken: "Boneless!"

(Chicken rushes back to the washer, turns it off, and opens the lid. He breathes a sigh of relief and looks at his cousin, groaning. He then throws him into a Molt-n-Lava dryer and runs it.)

Chicken: "Man, this here bachelor life is the life for me."

(He then hears the doorbell ring and opens the door to see Boneless' blind date, Linda.)

Linda: "Hewwo, I'm Winda. You must be Bonewess Chicken. I kinda expected you to be older, not that I mind you being young and stwapping and all, instead of old and feebwe."

Chicken: "Yeah, but your date is old and feeble." (rushes back and grabs Boneless) "He's my cousin, Boneless Chicken, see?" (He holds up a puffed-up Boneless wearing his tuxedo.)

Boneless: "Pleased to meet me." (waving his arm and hand)

Linda: "Oh." (shakes Boneless' hand and turns to Chicken) "Say, why don't you come awong, too? (back to Boneless) That is, if you don't wanna mind, Bonewess."

Boneless: "Mind? Mind? Now, why should I care if you ruin our romantic adventure by dragging along some snot-faced chicken?"

Linda: (giggles) "You're a funny one, Bonewess." (taps his wattle)

Boneless: (groans with pleasure)

(Linda and Chicken zip to Linda's car and opens the passenger door to let Chicken hop in his front seat. She then puts Boneless in the back seat and drives off for their date, as a cat meows in the background. The three of them are soon driving into the mountains, as Linda feels excited.)

Chicken: "So, uh, if you're a blind date, how come you can drive? Where's your seein'-eye dog? I was kinda hopin' to see your seein'-eye dog."

Linda: "You'we hiwwawious! We'we gonna have a blast!"

Boneless: (sarcastically) "Yeah, the time of our lives." (An empty nacho box lands in his beak.)

(As the three of them drive into the mountains, Linda parks her car by the side of the road past a sign that says "Les Alps", a montage then shows Chicken and Linda spending the time of their lives. First, they ride a mountain goat down one side of the mountain while Boneless gets shaken up and down while strapped down to his own mountain goat. Next, the continental US map is shown where the threesome drive to an alligator wrestling match in Arkansas with a red X above. Linda grabs her opponent and slams him on the ring floor and tags Chicken, who gives an armlock on the alligator's neck. Chicken then tags his cousin to fight and Linda tosses him into the ring, where Boneless gets yanked around like a chew toy in the alligator's teeth. Linda and Chicken smile at each other. Next, the map of Mexico is shown where the threesome head to the shores of Acapulco. The camera cuts to Chicken and Linda watching a beautiful sunset as seagulls fly overhead.)

Linda: "Oh, how I wove the ocean, Chicken."

Chicken: "Well, how Chicken wove to Winda."

Linda: "Oh, sorry. I wasn't wistening."

(A large wave forms between them.)

Chicken: "I wove-" (yelps)

(The wave splashes on the two lovers, leaving them drenched. They then see a shipwreck and Boneless getting washed up on the beach, gasping for air and flopping around like a fish, until he gets covered in sand by a stray cat.)

Boneless: "Hey!"

Chicken & Linda: (sigh)

(The scene changes to an outdoor pier restaurant named "Sea Food and Milk".

Chicken: (offscreen) "Ooh, Sea Food and Milk. How romantic."

(A waiter zips over to the left of Boneless Chicken at their table.)

Waiter: "Care for some milk with your crabs, sir?"

Boneless: "Yes, ma'am.

(His cup is filled with milk.)

Boneless : (cont.) " Could I please have a straw? Got no bones here, pal! Need a straw to drink?" (sees Chicken and Linda giving each other toast) "Straw for the boneless guy?!"

Linda: (gigging) "What an incwedibwe day!"

Chicken: "Ooh, I think dat you are incwedibwe, Winda."

Boneless: "Yeah, I think I'm gonna be incwedibwy sick."

(The scene fades back to Boneless Chicken's house, where the three friends return home. Chicken gets out of his car seat)

Chicken: "Wing or die?" (places an arm around Linda's shoulder)

Linda: (laughs) "Oh, Chicken, you'we so adowabwe."

Boneless: (jealously) "Adowabwe, my hiney." (Chicken slams the door under Boneless' head.) "Ow!"

Chicken: (holding Linda's hands) "Awww, thanks for everything, Linda! Dat was the best only date I have ever had!"

Linda: "What a wovewy thought, Chicken. You know, you'we the best chicken I've evew dated." (She kisses Chicken on the eyeball and has it in her lips that it snaps back in its socket.)

Chicken: "Ooh, I will never wash my eyeball again." (His neck then gets caught by none other than the Red Guy working as a cop!)

Red Guy: "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST for being a runaway chicken!" (He slams Chicken against the wall and cuffs him. He then goes over to Linda, cuffing her on the back.) "YOU TOO, Winda, FOR CONTRIBUTING TO THE DELINQUENCY OF A CHICKEN!" (He throws them into his paddy wagon. Chicken and Linda look on with fear, as Red slams the truck doors on them.)

Red Guy: (laughing) "OKAY, MEN, get ready for your punishmeeeeent!" (He bounces to the driver seat on his buttocks and speeds away for the police station, with the paddy wagon giving off flames in the dust. Only Boneless Chicken is left behind.)

Boneless: (groaning) "'Bout time he showed up!" (to the viewers) "I called the authorities hours ago! Ha-ha!"

(Iris Out. Cut to the 'End' card)

Chicken: "End!"

(Black out)