Maternal Instincts

Danny: Mm-hmm. [Rolling over] Good night.

''[Maddie sighs and disappears into the shelter. Suddenly, a large, hair ghost leg slams down next to Danny's head.]''

Danny:  Either Mom needs to shave her legs, or this is really bad news.

''[Looking up, he sees it's the latter: a six-legged bear ghost is hulking over him. It dives down on Danny, and the next shot we see is him being thrown into one of the large chairs back at Vlad's chalet, with a motley assortment of animal ghosts snarling at him. Plasmius lands in front of him, grinning triumphantly.]''

Danny: [Standing]  Nice petting zoo, Plasmius. [He goes into ghost mode.]  Where's your lonely-guy cat?

Vlad: Ah, there's that teen wit again. [He brandishes a two-pronged device that crackles with ecto-electricity and tazes Danny with it, electrocuting him and forcing him back into human form.]

Danny:  W-wh-what was that?

Vlad:  [holding up the device] Oh, I call it the Plasmius Maximus. It has just short-circuited your powers for the next 3 hours. [Shot to the clock, which reads 9:00] That's midnight. I tell you this because I've seen your grades and I know you're bad at math. [The ghost monsters gather around him]  These are my latest experiments. What do you think? Oh, that's right. Who cares what you think? I'll give you five minutes before I send my minions to destroy you. The clock's ticking, Danny, on you and your father. Run.

''[Screaming, Danny runs out the door and out toward the woods. Vlad immediately turns to his monsters.]''

Vlad: Get him!  [They all go charging off and Vlad shrugs.] Five minutes, five seconds. Oh, apparently I'm bad at math too.

''[The scene switches to Danny's POV, racing through the trees. He clambers down some rocks and crosses a stream. Pausing momentarily to catch his breath, he sees they're gaining on him, but as he starts to run again he trips on a root and falls on his face. He reaches for a branch to pull himself up, and a camoflauged hand reaches down and yanks him up into a tree. Maddie, covered from head to toe in mud camo and holding a coil of ecto-rope, holds him up by one arm.]''

Maddie: Remind me later how much trouble you're in for leaving the campsite.

Danny: [to himself, looking at his wrist where she's holding him] Wow, that doesn't hurt.

[Setting him down on the branch, Maddie drops a noose down, capturing the six-legged bear ghost.]

Maddie:  Be right back.

''[Simultaneously trussing the bear ghost into the tree and dropping down to the ground, Maddie fastens the rope around the trunk. As the rest of Vlad's minions charge up, she activates the Specter Deflector, making the mud shatter off of her, and strikes a martial arts pose.]''

Maddie:  Come on, dazzle me.

[Maddie kicks some ghost butt.]

Danny: [As she pulls out a double strike staff] How can she not have a phone in there?

''[Maddie kicks the rest of ghost butt, trouncing most of Vlad's experiments. I am too lazy to write in this whole fight scene right now....]''

Maddie: [to the remaining ghosts] Boo.

[They scamper, and Maddie immediately turns to scold Danny as he jumps down out of the tree.]

Maddie: Now young man, would you mind telling me what you thought you were doing?!

Danny:  [Running over to hug her arm] You are awesome!

Maddie: [gasping in surprise] Ohh, honey, thank you!

Tiny gopher ghost: [popping out of a hole by Maddie's foot] I will destroy you!

Maddie: [Dispatching it with a quick jab of the ectostaff] But we better start moving in case those ghosts come back. [She goes running off.]

Danny:  [nervously]  Uh, wait for me! [he dashes after her.]

[The scene shifts to Maddie carrying Danny piggyback through the woods.]

Danny:  I, uh, think we gave those ghost animals the slip. Uh...shouldn't we figure out a way to call Dad?

Maddie: As much as I hate to say this, I think we should go back to Vlad's.

Danny: [Jumping down to the ground] But he's my archenemy! I mean, he...said all those horrible things about Dad.

Maddie: [scowling]  We both know he's a creep. But he's a creep with a phone and transportation. [More cheerfully] And pancakes! [pulling off the Specter Deflector] Here, put this on.

[Danny yelps as she puts it around his waist and locks it.]

Maddie: I know it's girly, but it's for your own protection.

Danny: [Looking down gingerly at the belt] Great. At midnight, I get my powers back. At 12:01, the belt zaps me, and at 12:02, Vlad tries to make out with my mom. [Cringing] Those are going to be the worst two minutes of my life.

---SCENE BREAK---

''[Back at FentonWorks, Jazz is trying on one of Maddie's jumpsuits and examining the result in the mirror. She pulls up the hood, and the camera pans over to show that Maddie evidently owns at least seven more spares.]''

Jack:  [walking in holding a coil of glowing rope and a large ectogun] Jazz, honey, I-- Maddie! You're home!

Jazz: Dad, it's me, Jazz.

Jack: Jazz? [Dropping the weapons] Why, look at you. You're the spitting image of your mother. [Sniffs happily] I knew this day would come. That's why years ago I had this made for you. [Running to the closet, he pulls out an exact replica of his own, much larger jumpsuit.]

Jazz: ...Nice.

Jack: Sorry about the size. I thought you'd be swimming in my end of the gene pool--the end that's filled with ranch dressing, melted cheese, and fudge. Lots of fudge.

Jazz: Look, this is just a sociological experiment. I figure I owe it to myself to experience all this ghost stuff one time so I can hate it in a more informed context.

Jack: I don't know what you're saying, sweetheart, but I do know that ghost fighting is in your blood.

Jazz:  No way! I am not like you and Mom. I'm a brilliant, reasonable, sophisticated girl.

Jack: In a blue hazmat suit.

Jazz: In a blue--yahh! Quit messing with me! No more talk about ghost fighting, ok?

[Abruptly, several ghost animals stick their heads through the walls.]

Jack: No talk, action!

''[He hurls the ectogun to Jazz, who quickly shoots down several of the ghosts. Jack pulls out the Jack-o'-Nine-Tails, and they exchange a grin before charging in, yelling.]''

---SCENE BREAK---

''[Back at Vlad's chalet, Maddie and Danny are walking up to the front door. Danny checks his watch and discovers it's 11:50.]''

Danny: Oh, great. Ten to twelve. [to Maddie] Are you sure you want to do this?

Maddie: Danny, if we're gonna get out of here, we need Vlad's help.

[Danny's gaze goes down to the key to the Specter Deflector, hanging from her belt.]

Danny:  [Running to block Maddie's way] But before you go in there and flirt our way out of here, I just want to say [hugging her] I love you! [Reaching down, he snags the key and hides it behind his back as she returns the hug.]

Maddie:  I love you, too. [Pushing him away and heading to the door] Clingy!

[Maddie knocks on the door and Vlad opens it.]

Vlad: Maddie! Daniel! You've returned to me. [He gets down into Danny's scowling face, looking at his watch.] Mmm, and not a moment too soon.

Maddie: Danny, go somewhere else while the adults talk.

[Vlad looks momentarily startled, then smiles as Maddie smiles coyly at him.]

Danny:  [With fake cheeriness] Sure. You and Vlad get cozy. If you need me, I'll be over there [gesturing over his shoulder, then turns with the key, scowling again] barfing.

[Scene fades to Maddie and Vlad sitting on the couch by the fire, Maddie looking uncomfortable.]

Vlad:  Maddie, you must be exhausted, carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago.

Maddie: We all make mistakes, Vlad. [Coyly] Maybe I'll make one now... [grimaces]

[Vlad takes a couple puffs of breath freshener and goes in for the score, but Maddie ducks away.]

Maddie: Uh-bu-bu...I couldn't possibly. I've been in the woods all night. I have to freshen up. [Grimacing again, she gets up and walks offscreen.]

Vlad: [eagerly] I shall await with baited breath.

[Maddie pauses by Danny, who's waiting outside a doorway with crossed arms.]

Maddie: Keep old bait-breath entertained until I can find a phone. [heads off through the doorway]

Danny: [to himself]  Mom is gone, which means...[removing the Specter Deflector] ...time to spend a little quality time with Uncle Vlad.

[Vlad pulls out a book titled 'Romance for Rich Creepy Dummies'.]

Danny: But first-- [going to the clock, he pushes the hands so it looks like it's 15 until 12:00, then approaches Vlad, still reading his book.] Hey, um, Uncle Vlad?

Vlad: Oh, please, Daniel, don't try to butter me up. Especially with your powers shorted out [glancing at the clock] for another fifteen minutes. You're barely a threat to me with them. Without them?  [Laughs, then his eyes gleam red] Well I wouldn't need fifteen seconds, would I?

Danny: [innocently]  How can you say that? You think my mom made the decision to come back on her own? We're a family. We both talked about it last night, and I want to stay here with you too.

Vlad:  [Brightening, his eyes tearing up] Really? You don't mean...

Danny:  Yes, I do. Come on, give me a big hug, new Dad!

[Vlad goes in for the hug, and Danny locks the Specter Deflector around his waist.]

Vlad: [screaming] You little rat! You tricked me! You know what this will mean for you, don't you?

Danny: [looking at his watch] Oh, yeah. [The clock goes to 12:00, and Danny transforms to ghost mode.] A much fairer fight!

''[Vlad transforms in return, and the belt zaps him, making him cry out and drop to stand on the ground. Danny immediately knocks him through a wall. The camera goes to Maddie, running down a hallway.]''

Maddie: No phone...[she opens a random door and finds a pair of cars.]  No phone...

[Danny makes a strike at Vlad, who goes intangible so that Danny sails right through]

Maddie: [looking into a room containing a pair of four-wheelers]  No phone.

''[Danny flies through the room intangibly, yelling. Back in the main room, Vlad struggles with the belt. Danny phases up through the floor behind him and Vlad gets him with an ectoblast, knocking him into the mantle. He collapses in front of the fireplace.]''

Vlad: Foolish boy! Even with diminished strength, I'm still more powerful than you. [He attempts to split into three, but collapses back into a single Vlad with two heads.]

Vladhead #1: Huh?

Vladhead #2: Wha--

Both Vladheads: I can't duplicate my form!

Danny:  Jeez, I don't know which head to hit. So I'll have to hit them both! [Launching himself into the air and diving] At 112 miles per hour, I bet this hurts!

Maddie: [Looking out onto a helipad with a DALV helicopter sitting on it] Helicopter...but no phone. And Danny thinks I'm a nut.

''[Brief montage of Danny punching Vlad around. We then see Vlad backing up, still getting fizzed by the belt, with Danny following him. Vlad halts and Danny just blows, knocking him over.]''

Vlad: [Flat on the floor, still getting zapped] Fine, Danny. You've defeated me. But you've forgotten my pets. [He whistles, and several of the animal ghosts materialize through the floor.] Finish him!

Danny:  Finish me? But why are you mad at me? I'm not the one who made your pelts into wall art. [Gestures at the hunting trophies on the wall.]

[The monsters immediately turn to Vlad, who's trapped up against the fireplace.]

Vlad: Don't even think about it, you spectral freaks. I'm still more powerful than you.

[Danny tazes him with the Plasmius Maximus, forcing him back to his human form.]

Danny: And now you're not. I'll give you a five-minute head start, Plasmius.

Vlad:  Really?

Danny: Minutes, seconds. You know how bad I can be at math. Get him!

''[Vlad runs screaming out the door, still wearing the Specter Deflector, with all the ghost monsters chasing after him. Danny reverts to his human form, and Maddie comes back into the room.]''

Maddie: What happened to Vlad?

Danny:  He...ran out for a bite. How are we getting out of here?

Maddie: Oh, I don't know. I couldn't find a phone, and there wasn't one in the cars, or the ATVs or in the helicopter--[realizing what she's saying and facepalming] Oh.

Danny: Maybe we could just take the copter.

[Maddie smiles.]

---SCENE BREAK---

''[Maddie and Danny are flying home in the helicopter. Maddie is driving and Danny is drinking a soda.]''

Maddie:  Now sweetie, we're not going to mention any of this to your father, right? He'd be insanely jealous if he found out, so...mum's the word.

Danny: Actually, I think Mom's the word. Sorry I was such a jerk. I really had a good time. [Offering her the soda] Backwash?

Maddie: Oh, Danny, that is so sweet.

---SCENE BREAK---

''[The helicopter lands in front of FentonWorks. Jack peers out the window in mild panic.]''

Jack:  Quick, Jazz, they're back! Remember, not a word of what went on here.

Jazz: [Still in the jumpsuit, holding a full trashbag and a broom] My lips are sealed. And as long as the house is ghost-free, they'll never know. Oh and Dad? Thanks.

''[Jack smiles, then jumps over to the couch and picks up his ghost needlepoint. The front door opens and Maddie and Danny walk in.]''

Jack: Hey-hey, look who's back! How was your weekend?

Danny:  Uh...

Maddie: Oh, boring.

Danny: Totally dull.

Maddie: Snore.

Danny:  I gotta go call Tucker and Sam. But, um. [Kisses Maddie's cheek] You know.

''[Maddie smiles and walks off. Danny turns to his father.]''

Danny: So, how was your weekend?

Jack: Oh, you know, same old.

Danny: Well, I guess everything's back to normal then.

[Jazz, still in the jumpsuit, comes flying down the stairs and out the door clinging to a ghost monster.]

Jazz: Get out of my house, you freak! [Popping briefly back through the doorway] Hi Danny!

Jack: Hey, wait for me! It's my turn! [Handing Danny his drink and grabbing the Jack-o'-Nine-Tails, he races after her.]

Danny: [After staring a moment, takes a sip of the drink then spits]  Oh, gross! Backwash!

---END CREDITS---