The Weekend Vortex


 * Raj: Hey, wanna spend some time playing the new Star Wars game this weekend?
 * Leonard: Uh, I don't know. I kind of promised myself I'd get off the computer, be more physically active, get some exercise.
 * Howard: You're about to walk up three flights of stairs.
 * Leonard: Good point. I'm in!
 * Raj: You know what would be great? Let's do it like the old days.
 * Leonard: You're talking gaming marathon?
 * Raj: Yeah! Starts Saturday morning, go 48 hours, sleeping bags, junk food...
 * Howard: Turn off our phones so our moms can't call...
 * Leonard: It'd be like that World of Warcraft party from a few years ago when the neighbors called the cops on us.
 * Howard: (Fondly) They called the cops because of the smell--they thought we were dead.
 * Raj: We were bad-ass back in the day.
 * Leonard: Alright, let's do it!
 * Howard: 48 hours of Star Wars gaming.
 * Raj: It's on, like !


 * Amy: (Hearing the guys yell from across the hall while play their marathon Star Wars game) "That would be my boyfriend; happier playing his dopy Star Trek game with his friends instead of hanging out with me."
 * Penny: "Wars."
 * Amy: "What?"
 * Penny: "Star Wars. They get all cranky when you mix the two up.
 * Amy: "What's the difference?"
 * Penny: "There's absolutely no difference."


 * Sheldon: Movies or video games? Or board games, or trading card games, or LEGOs, or dress up, or comic books, or dramatic readings of novelizations? Yes to all!


 * Amy: (About Sheldon) He and I have other plans. We are attending my Aunt Flora's 93rd birthday party.


 * Howard: You're a grown man! Act like one. Tell Amy you wanna spend the weekend having a sleepover and playing video games with your friends.


 * Amy: All the food is incredibly soft. It's like a vacation for your teeth.


 * Sheldon: I always thought if I were enslaved, it would be by an advanced species from another planet. Not some hotsie-totsie from Glendale.


 * Sheldon: (Knocking) Penny...Penny...Penny...
 * Penny: (To Leonard) Sorry Stallion, your weird friend Giraffe is here!


 * (The morning scene at the ending clip at the apartment where all the guys wake up by the sunlight)
 * Mrs. Wolowitz: (Three loud knocks on door) HOWARD JOEL WOLOWITZ! I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK FOR TWO DAYS AND I KNOW YOU'VE TURNED OFF YOUR PHONE! YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE! I'VE BEEN TO THE MORGUE AND THE HOSPITAL AND I'VE SPENT THE LAST HALF-HOUR WALKING UP THESE FERKAKTA STAIRS!
 * Howard: That's my ride. Gotta go!
 * Sheldon: (makes the whip sound for a last time, annoying him)


 * Leonard: Hey, listen, I kind of made plans with the guys this weekend, but then I wondered, because we’re in this relationship-beta-test, if I should have asked you first. Then I thought if I did check with you first, you’d think that I was taking things to seriously. And then, then I got a nosebleed.
 * Penny: You don’t have to check with me. Do whatever you want.
 * Leonard: Oh. I guess I was hoping for a different reaction, but okay.
 * Penny: Really, what were you hoping for?
 * Leonard: I don’t know, maybe that you’d be a little upset, and then you’d realize that I’m a stallion that has to run free. And that would turn you on a little.
 * Penny: Okay, I’m an actress. Ask me again.
 * Leonard: Do you mind if I spend the weekend playing video games with the guys?
 * Penny: Wha… the entire weekend? You mean I wouldn’t see you at all? But I ju… No, no, I knew what I was getting into. You can’t put a saddle on Leonard Hofstadter. Oh, my, is it getting hot in here? Ay, papi.
 * Leonard: Ay papi? What is that?
 * Penny: An acting choice.
 * Leonard: Oh. So you chose that when you become turned on, you turn into Speedy Gonzalez?
 * Penny: Choo got a problem with that, papi?
 * Leonard: Uh-uh.


 * Bernadette: Get that guy! Get that guy! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
 * Sheldon: Dr. Rostenkowski, it may interest you to know that saying pew, pew, pew isn’t as effective as pressing your blaster key. In the same way that saying whee doesn’t make the land speeder go.
 * Bernadette: Pew!
 * Leonard: Raj, Imperial Troopers on your tail.
 * Raj: Got him. When Gandhi advocated his philosophy of non-violence, I bet he didn’t know how much fun it was killing stuff.
 * Leonard: All right, I think we got them all. Let’s divide up the loot.
 * (Scene of a blonde in a purple spacesuit-type robe on Bernadette's laptop)
 * Bernadette: (off-screen) Ooh, look at this pretty purple robe I just got. You should put on yours and then we’ll match.
 * Howard: But I worked hard to get this armor.
 * Bernadette: (disappointedly) Sorry, I just thought it’d be nice if people knew we were a couple.
 * Howard: Fine, I’ll change.
 * Sheldon: (makes the whip sound on his phone, making Leonard and Raj laugh) Hah-hah!


 * Raj: Bernadette, remember, your character’s the healer in our group. You’re in charge of healing all of us, not just Howard.
 * Bernadette: I can’t help it. My Howie Wowie has an owie.
 * Sheldon: That is the most sickeningly sweet thing I have ever experienced. And I am sipping Kool-Aid through a Red Vine.
 * Amy: (she's bursting into the apartment looking very cross) Sheldon Cooper, I’ve got a bone to pick with you, and I’m about to do it in front of all your friends.
 * Penny: Yeah, you pick that bone. You pick that bone clean!
 * Amy: I’m gonna publicly shame you, and then sit back as societal pressure compels you to modify your behavior.
 * Penny: Ooh, burn!
 * Amy: And if you don’t start treating me better, I’m leaving you for a miniature horse breeder named Armin.
 * Sheldon: Armin who?
 * Amy: Armin… damn it.
 * Penny: Sheldon, she wanted to show you off to her family, and you stood her up, okay? Look at this adorable, smushy face. (grabs Amy's face with one hand) Smush, smush, smush, smush.
 * Amy: You’re hurting me.
 * Penny: No, Sheldon hurt you.
 * Amy: Before; now it’s you.
 * Penny: Oh.
 * Sheldon: I think I understand. You’re the one person who can say Sheldon Cooper is your boyfriend, but that rings hollow if you can’t lord him over others in the flesh. I forget what I bring to the party and what I take away when I leave. Please accept these valuable Cooper Coupons as restitution.
 * Penny: Sheldon, she doesn’t want your stupid…
 * Amy: Ooh, Science Center. Redeeming. Let’s go.
 * Sheldon: Well played, Amy Farrah Fowler. Let me get my coat. (Whip sound) Oh, grow up, Leonard.
 * Raj: But e-excuse me, I have something to say. None of you may realize it, but I was very much looking forward to this weekend. It was gonna be like the old days, the four of us hanging out playing video games before you guys all got girlfriends. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be the only one without a girlfriend? Even if I get one someday, I’ll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper!
 * Penny: And that’s how a girl makes a scene. I’m sorry, sweetie. You’re right. You deserve your weekend. Come on, Amy, let’s go.
 * Amy: What about the Science Center?
 * Penny: I’ll let you hold my hair while I throw up.
 * Amy: Rain check.
 * Bernadette: I’m gonna go, too.
 * Howard: I’ll miss you.
 * Bernadette: I’ll miss you.
 * Howard: I’ll miss you more.
 * Bernadette: No, I’ll…
 * Raj: Just leave! (Bernadette happily leaves as Raj tells her to, she now shuts the door behind her. The shutting sound is played to the scene of the four men who are alone at last) Okay, now. This is the way it’s supposed to be. Men together, fighting the forces of evil.
 * All four men: Hear! Hear!
 * Raj: I can’t believe this is only 64 calories.