Flight of the Iron Spider

Welcome New York! Thanks to the tireless efforts of Daily Bugle Communications led by yours truly, James Jonah Jameson, a certain bug-eyed, wall-crawling menace will now think twice before he shows his face in my city again! [Peter] I'm Peter Parker and I'm Spider-Man. Which means I get to get chased around New York City all day by bad guys like this. [Living Laser] You can't outrun pure light! [strains] Yow! Yow! Yow! Just a matter of time until you're toasted! [bell chimes] Hey come on! These costumes don't sew themselves, you know? What? Come back here! [Power Man] Here we go again guys, Spidey's in trouble. I got him. [grunts] Sup? Need some help? Maybe we can take this one down without tearing up the city? Ehh, maybe we can. Put me down, Tiny! [grunts] That's Power Man to you, webhead! Whatever. Anyone read the Wiki on Bad 80's Light Show Guy? Agent Coulson reporting. SHIELD data file. Subject: Parks, Arthur. AKA: The Living Laser. Former Stark Industries employee, Applied Sciences Division. Physical form comprised entirely of active photons. Hold it. He's made of what? [Spider-Man] Photons. That means Yep. That means he can do that. I'll fry you like bacon. [cries out] What just happened? I thought he was gonna fry us like bacon. What is he, vegan? [sonic boom erupts] There's that sound again. [Announcer] Iron Man! Oh awesome. Look at him over there you know, he built that armor himself? Like, in a cave with a paper clip and some empty soda cans. [energy pulses] [guards cry out] Big-time genius. Somebody's got a man-crush. What do you think they're, you know, talking about? Probably some national security issues. So that was last night. The night before, it was February's cover of Model Monthly. Are you done bragging about your social life? The Living Laser is one of your sparring partners, and if you'll notice, my team found him first. Sparring partner? Uh. A bit of an exaggeration. Now look, I've got a thing, so uh, can we I'll bet you do, Mr. Celebrity Superhero. Hey, he saw me and he ran. He'll be back. And when he shows his shiny face again, I'll have developed something that'll find and contain his You could trace the photon pattern. It's gotta be specific to him, unique in the spectrum. Smart kid. Bad fashion sense. - Maybe with a little guidance - Never mind him, Stark. I don't need you and your cowboy complex - infecting him with delusions of - Infecting him? Look at him. Clearly he needs it. A little guidance? [crowd cheers] [slurps] [giggles] [crowd cheers] [White Tiger] What is your deal? Huh? Nothing. Okay, guys. I'm out of here. Hey, kid. I like your style. Wardrobe notwithstanding. How about you visit the plant on Saturday. Maybe I can help you out. [sonic boom erupts] Okay, I'll admit, that is cool. Just get your sorry butts back to the Helicarrier. You, stay away from him. [Spider-Man] Saturday. At last! This is the most experimental, highly classified section of the factory. This is where dreams become reality. Cool! I have a place like this. Okay, nothing like this. [grunts] You like to dance, huh? Rock a little cabbage patch for the Spidey, come on! Check that left servo! Needs a little more funk. What is that? The world's largest pill! [laughs] Oh, cool! Cool. Cool. Cool! Hey, kid, this signal ratio accelerator is gonna to revolutionize telecommunications as we know it. Does that mean better coverage on my phone? Right on. Cool! Iron Fist would be so jealous. Check it out. A molecular disruption chamber. Don't go in there when it's hot. Oh yeah? What happens? Unless you fine-tune the frequency, it'll scatter you into multiple, parallel dimensions. [electricity crackles] [snorts] Wow! Your heads! My feet! [disco music plays] Uh. Yikes. Listen, I know Fury is training you, trying to bring you up to his level. Personally, I think you should aim higher. How'd you know about that? Come on, my company built the Helicarrier. Huh. The way you were sniping at each other, I never would've pegged you guys working together. You get along with the people you work with? [arguing over each other] [chattering] [barking] Uh. Good point. Anyway, if you really want to kick up your game, I had an hour to kill so I came up with this. Whoa. You wanna take it out for a spin? Yes. - We waiting? - For Bug Boy? Why? - Patience is a virtue. - So is punctuality. Spider-Man's late. We train without him. C. O. U. R. T. is now in session. [Announcer] Fight! He'll show. He always does. [grunts] I think you're confusing showing up with showing off. Hiyaah! Obviously, there's no Spider-Man in team. Back to why I should be team leader. A man cannot lead before he's found himself. [grunts] Well, I'm right here wrecking major havoc all over the place. It's wreaking havoc Never mind. So let's put it to a vote. All in favor of changing our name to Team Nova, raise your hands. Yes, you can believe your eyes people. Science has made what was perfect even better. Don't worry, everything's cool. See? I'm operating on a new level you don't quote comprehend and Whoa! Whoa! [grunts] [strains] [cries out] Ouch! Ahh! Are you nuts, man? [grunts] How do you like me now? Why are you guys so upset? This Spider Armor rocked it. Remember Wednesday? [both grunt] Don't think of it as the answer to all my problems. It's the answer to all our problems! Thursday? [crowd panics] I mean, come on! I've got my own repulsor blasts! Yesterday? [grunts] Whoa! [grunts] [tires screech] [both sigh] It ain't working out, boss. That suit He's totally throwing off our rhythm in the field! [alarms sound] Guess who's back? All right, you guys are going in. - What about Spider-Man? - I'm only sending you. We're going to make this easy on you, laser brain. Give it up before we short circuit you. What is he doing here?! And what're you supposed to be? Are you serious? I'm your friendly, neighborhood Iron Spider! Didn't you learn anything the last time? You can't stop me. Maybe they can't. I've got Stark Tech in this armor that told me exactly where you're gonna be. That's how good I am! Gah! Ahh! Hey, maybe you should hang back until you've gotten your learner's permit for that thing. - Jealous much? - Afraid for my life, is more like it. [grunts] [panic wails] [groans] You're clearly a Stark sycophant! You reek of his arrogance. Oh, yeah? Watch this. No! No, no, no! Come on! The light bulb's that way! [grunts] Whoa! The road to enlightenment can be a painful one. I'm fine! I can handle this! - I'm the man! - Nope. You had your shot. Now, it's my turn. [cries out] [grunts] Nicely handled, Buckethead. What? I'm just getting started. Ooh. Kinda tickles. You've got a lot to learn about how energy works. [White Tiger] He's making a break for it. [electricity crackles] That went well. Face it, Junior Stark, in that suit, you stink! You can't control it. Clearly it's sustained some damage. Are you kidding? He never laid a glove on me. He didn't have to. You're your own worst enemy in that thing. You guys just don't get it, do you? Tony Stark built this for me. Yeah? Well, you sure picked him over us in a hurry, didn't you? Why not be his sidekick from now on and quit messing with our gig. - We don't need you. - You're serious? Seems that way. You know, Stark is who he is because he followed his own path. Are you certain you're following yours? Where'd you come up with that, a fortune cookie? Agh! Whoa! What's going on with this thing? Diagnostics check. Whoa! [alarm sounds] Say hello to your new roommate. What? Wait! You can't How are you controlling my suit? I'm living energy. Your suit runs on energy. Do the math. Let's go for a ride. No! [Fury] Irresponsible, undermining my authority, boneheaded move Try not to be so possessive, Fury. Parks has popped out of his gopher hole again and I'm on my way to deal with him once and for all. As far as the Iron Spider's concerned, you've seen him in action, he's doing fine. [grunts] - What are you doing? - He's taken over the armor! [Iron Man] Living Laser, you don't have the IQ points to breach that armor's security. [Living Laser] Ready for another round? [Spider-Man] This really isn't how I pictured our first team up. [Iron Man] I'm trying to run down his power. Trust me, kid, this hurts you much more than it hurts me. [Living Laser] Here's the deal. You shut down your armor's high level security functions or I heat up this armor from the inside and cook this kid alive. [Peter] Don't listen to him! Just do whatever you gotta do to stop him. Accessing Iron Man security systems. Voice command: section eight. Firewalls are down. Do your worst, Arthur. [grunts] Hey! That's dirty fighting! [Living Laser] Don't worry, kid. He's just taking a little nap. Exactly the opening I need. Where'd you go? I moved to a better neighborhood. No! [computer whirs] [beep] - What are you doing? - Repairing. Modifying. Improving. We heard about Iron Man. Yeah, well. Trying to make up for it now. Someone's got to save him. I hacked into Stark's factory security systems. The Living Laser's in his armor and he's taking over the place. Did you tell Fury? Not yet. I thought I could just Look, I know I let you guys down. I don't blame you one bit for wanting to cut me loose. I got no problem doing this alone. You did blow it, big time. Hey, man, we're in this together. We always were. Even when you're a major screw-up, which is often, we'd never let you fly solo on this. And we should move now. Get in there before Fury has a chance to send in the cavalry. You guys would do that? Isn't that disobeying some kind of order? You can't disobey an order that was never given. Just do us a favor, forget the armor, okay? You work better without it. Hold on. Let's all dig deep and find a little optimism here. It's not going to be like before, is it? Oh, don't worry. It's not gonna be anything like before. I'm on my path now. [Jarvis] This is an egregious security breach. These designs are classified. [Living Laser] I'm in charge now and I'm going to make a fortune selling Stark's technology. Kiyah! Knock knock. Nice one. But check this out. Think you've got what it takes to defeat Iron Man? Would you kill Stark to do it? [alarm beeps] Time to bring it, sparky! [Announcer] Iron Spider! Repulsor webbing. How cool am I? [grunts] [computer whirs] [grunts] Got to be a way to wake Stark up! Calling up Iron Man armor detail. Hold on. Security Failsafe? Computer? [Jarvis] Young man, that is an electrical charge that can be delivered directly into Mister Stark's brain. A defibrillator for his entire nervous system. I do not recommend this option. [grunts] [strains] We've got no choice. Now, how do I do it? [Jarvis] Downloading remote activation codes to your CPU now. [strains] [grunts] Hiyah! [grunts] [Living Laser] You again? Missed me, didn't you? Got a new magic trick to show you. [computer whirs] What? [gasps] [electricity crackles] [Spider-Man] Hey, you gotta reinstall your armor security ASAP! Right. [Living Laser] No! I hate to break it to you, Laser, but I don't share my personal space with anyone that hasn't strutted down a cat walk. So that means you're out! I am too good at this. How dare you? I see your fashion sense took a jump. - Want to help me clean up? - Aww yeah! I think I know how. A molecular disruption chamber. Don't go in there when it's hot. Good thinking, kid. [Announcer] Fight! [grunts] You can't fight me with energy. I am energy! That armor is the key to controlling Stark Industries. And I want it back. By all means, come and get it. Nice work. No how can we help him? I've got it all worked out. Come with me. You there, kiddo? I'm here. You're headed for the thing and he's right on your tail. - What thing? - The thing! The thing that does the thing! Okay, I'm close. Keep tracking my signal when I'm clear, fire it up. Whoa, wait a minute. Me? Shouldn't you do it? [Iron Man] My onboards are still rebooting. You'll have to do it manually. That was not part of the plan, man. - You can do it. - You really think so? [screams] I won't screw this up. I won't screw this up. Almost there. Hold it. Hold it. Now! [cries out] It disrupted his basic photonic structure, expanding it across several dimensions to the point where he could no longer control his physical form. - Pretty cool, huh? - So, where do you think he ended up? [both] I don't know. [electricity crackles] What the heck? I say thee nay, vile villain! So I see you took some liberties with the suit I built for you. Well, not for nothing. But this thing had problems. I had to pop the hood. Uh. You know, no offense. So, are we all good? I'm just making sure. - That's your idea of an apology? - I'm sorry. Hey, Danny, you were right, you know? I'm better off being an uncool me than a cool someone else. Where'd you come up with that, a fortune cookie? All right, all right. Get out of here before I remember that you weren't authorized to even think about going to Stark's factory. Except you. - Who, me? - I wanna talk to you. Let me show you something, Parker. After a bit of tinkering, this version is as good as it gets. Watch this. Whoa! Oh yeah! I can wear it to school and no one will know. Yeah. I think we both know you're not ready to drive this car. But, who knows, maybe someday. Oh, come on! I am fierce when I'm wearing this rig! You don't even have a driver's license. [grunts] I've got a learners permit. You can lock up after you've put that thing away. Can I get some back up here? Teamwork? Edit By Flaming0