Ping Them Back

(The Beatles Paul McCartney, John Lennon, George Harrison and Ringo Starr are all singing in the Yellow Submarine.)

Beatles: We are sailing unerwater-ater-ater, all the fishes look delicious, colors, drugs, rainbows and hugs...

Captain: Wait! Be quiet! Something's showing up on the radar!

Paul McCartney: Maybe it's Ringo's lunch. He ate a big sandwich.

Ringo Starr: I still have sand in me mouth. (He spits out sand.)

Captain: Shh! Look!

(An image of a submarine appears on the radar.)

John Lennon: Sandwiches are me bread and butter.

Paul McCartney: Good one, John.

Captain: Damn it, shut the hell up! It's a submarine from the land of the Blue Meanies! The Dreaded Blue October! I'm gonna send them a ping.

(Soundwaves come from the Yellow Submarine. They reach a blue sub with yellow lines on its side.)

(Cut to the inside of the Blue October. Two Meanies resembling Captain Marko Ramius and Jack Ryan have heard the ping.)

Meanie Captain: Was that a ping?

Meanie Lieutenant: Yes, Sir!

Meanie Captain: You know we don't say "yes" in Meanie Land.

Meanie Lieutenant: I'm so sorry, no, Sir. Should I ping them back, Sir?

Meanie Captain: No...

Meanie Lieutenant: No?

Meanie Captain: No... I said, "no"... Do you understand?

Meanie Lieutenant: No.

Meanie Captain: Ping them back.

Meanie Lieutenant: Yes, Sir! I mean, no, sir.

(The Lieutenant sends a ping back to the Yellow Submarine.)

Captain: They pinged us back!

Paul McCartney: I know. My ears are still pinging.

John Lennon: Hey, I have an idea. What's the most important thing in the world?

Ringo Starr: Acid.

John Lennon: After that?

Ringo Starr: Love.

John Lennon: That's right. Maybe those meanies in the Blue October don't want to declare war. Maybe they want to declare love and defect to Pepperland.

Paul McCartney: There's only one way to find out. Let's sing a song about love.

Captain: Oh...

Beatles: Love your love with love... Just love your love with love...

Meanie Captain: They're singing! Maybe they know we're trying to defect to Pepperland.

Meanie Lieutenant: Sir, another submarine from Meanie Land followed us!

(The camera zooms up to show another sub with red lines on its side.)

(Inside, a Meanie Officer resembling Viktor Tupolev and his lackey are shown.)

Meanie Officer: Open the glove compartment! Fire!

(The enemy sub launches the Dreadful Flying Glove from its front.)

Captain: Another submarine fired a glove at the Blue October!

John Lennon: I know what to do. Steer our Submarine straight toward the glove.

Captain: You're crazy! We'll all die!

George Harrison: Who cares? We're just cartoons.

Ringo Starr: "Spull feed" ahead!

(The Yellow Submarine moves toward the glove.)

(Cut back to the inside of the enemy Meanie sub.)

Second Meanie: Should I arm the glove, sir?

Meanie Officer: Yes... Yesss! (jumps up and down) No!

(The enemy sub launches a missile, which connects with the Dreadful Flying Glove.)

Ringo Starr: Oh, look, a hole.

(Ringo picks up a hole and throws it upward. The armed glove is swallowed up.)

Meanie Officer: What happened? Why didn't it explode? Periscope!

(The periscope is lowered, and the armed glove pops out of it.)

Meanie Officer: Ohh... fuck.

(The missile goes off, and the enemy Meanie sub explodes.)

(The Beatles and the Captain cheer on.)

Paul McCartney: Hole in one, Ringo. How did you know it would work?

Ringo Starr: I didn't. I'm on acid.

John Lennon: Way to go, Ringo. Maybe now you can sleep with the groupies first.

Ringo Starr: Really?

Paul McCartney: No.

Beatles: Love your love with love... Just love your love with love...

(Everyone starts laughing, chattering, and singing.)

Ringo Starr: I'm on acid.