Boy Toys

(Opening shot: the city skyline during the day.)

Narrator: The city of Townsville! Another joyful, loving, playful day in a caring, good old-fashioned, happy-go-lucky, just-getting-along kind of town.

(Cut to a bridge clogged with traffic. Princess Morebucks's limousine is part of the jam.)

Narrator: With the occasional traffic due to superhero fighting.

Princess: (from inside limo) Now look, monkey butt, it's real simple.

(Close-up of the front grille; during the next line, cut to her in the back seat. She wears her street clothes and is yelling into a cell phone; zoom in on her.)

Princess: (from inside limo) Take your cheap, good-for-nothing, lazy soy latte, honey, and leap out a high window, 'cause you're breathing my air and you are fired! (now'  in view; she groans and lowers the phone) Man, my mom can be such a pain in the butt.

(She listens to the car horns honking around her and addresses herself toward the driver's seat.)

Princess: Carmichael, why are we not moving?!

(Cut to just beside the driver, who stares ahead wearily: this is Carmichael. Behind him, the partition has been raised to block off the passenger compartment. It is translucent, so Princess can still be seen.)

Princess: (through glass) Carmichael!

(Back to her; she groans and presses a button on the armrest beside her.)

Princess: Never mind, I'll look for myself.

(A slot of sunlight casts itself onto the seat and widens - she has opened the limo's sunroof. She reaches to catch hold of the opening and hoist herself up; cut to just outside it as she gets her head in the clear. High in the air, at a distance, a jumble of colored streaks flashback and forth to the sound of blows landing.)

Princess: (squinting up, shading eyes) What is that? The Powerpuff Girls?

(Three of the streaks shoot toward the limo; she has just enough time for one shocked gasp before they plow into the vehicle and send up clouds of smoke that fill the screen. These clear partially to leave her near the camera, her back to us, and three silhouettes that match the Rowdyruff Boys still within the haze before her.)

Princess: Why, look who it is - the Powerpuff Girls. I am so gonna sue your -

(The rest of the smoke dissipates to reveal the boys, lying stunned amid the wreckage.)

Princess: (puzzled) Wait. You're not the Powerpuff Girls. (The boys get to their feet.)

Brick: We're the Rowdyruff Boys, Toots!

Butch: We were fightin' the Powerpuff Girls and decided to take a break - in your car!

Brick: Which reminds me, idiots... (Boomer and Butch glare at him.) ...we forgot to kick some Powerpuff butt!

(Overhead view of the smashed limo.)

Brick: (as the boys take off) Let's go!

(Close-up of Princess. She steps forward a bit and stares openmouthed into the air, watching the boys return to the fight. Now she gets out and approaches Carmichael, whose jaw also hangs slack as he looks through the broken windshield.)

Princess: Oh my gosh! This is perfect! Carmichael, watch the car.

(Follow her as she runs behind the limo and pops the trunk. Inside is all her equipment: the jet thrusters that fit on her back, fuel canisters, grenades, ammunition, blasters, repair tools, the works. Close-up of the backpack portion of the thrusters, the blasters, and one jet exhaust nozzle, then back to her. A broad, evil smile spreads itself from ear to ear, and she quickly suits up in her faux-Powerpuff outfit and raises her weapons.)

Princess: Get ready, boys!

(Cut to a group of buildings and pan quickly down the street as a blast tears through them. People flee in a panic as chunks of debris crash down among them. Three streaks plow into the ground, sending up a plume of dust; it clears to show the boys lying in three separate craters. The girls charge down, and the boys' eyes go wide. Cut to Princess, still standing by the limo. She takes off and flies toward the melee; cut to a long overhead view of the boys and zoom in as she rockets across the screen above them, blasters firing. The combination of jet exhaust and the glare from her barrage forces the girls to stop short. She comes in for another pass, and the air starts to clear around the girls. Finally, they catch sight of her.)

Girls: Princess!

(She fires a shot that knocks them out of the sky; they hit the pavement and skid down the block, stopping on a dock at the waterfront. Cut to the boys, who have found their footing and are looking on. The next three lines are very sarcastic.)

Boomer: Hey, not bad!

Brick: Nice landing...

Butch: ...losers!

(They have a good laugh. Cut to the sky, their laughter echoing even at this height, and turn down to follow Princess as she descends to land in front of them. She gasps ecstatically.)

Princess: (rapid fire) All this time I wanted to be a Powerpuff Girl, but there was one problem. They're good and I'm evil. (normal cadence) Now, this is so perfect! Just look at you guys. You're just like them, but evil like me!

(On "evil like me," cut to a close-up of the boys.)

Princess: (from o.c.) So... (Close-up of her.) ...when are you gonna welcome me into the group?

(On the end of this, back to them. They do not seem particularly receptive to her not-so-subtle suggestion, and after a brief silence they burst out laughing.)

Brick: (as it dies down) Welcome you into the group? That's rich. (Back to her.)

Princess: (ingratiatingly) Yeah! I mean, we're the same. We're powerful, short, evil, and we all hate the Powerpuff Girls, right?

Brick: You? The same as us? Hah! You gotta be kidding me!

Princess: No! Wait! I have weapons! Money! A high threshold for pain!

Brick: (moving closer to her) Hel-lo? We're the Rowdyruff Boys, and you are a lame sissy baby girl!

Princess: But...

Brick: Besides, anything a stupid girl can do, boys can do better! Watch!

(He throws a kick that sends Princess flying; she too crashes down and skids onto the dock. The girls are back on their feet, and they take to the air in order to avoid being rammed by her. Pull back to show them floating in midair over the water, then cut to the laughing boys.)

Brick: Silly girl! Go and play with your dolls and tea parties! (They take off.)

(Back to the dock. Princess stands at a distance, her back to the camera. The entire run-in has left her shaking. Blossom steps into view behind her; as she speaks, cut to the girls. They are not a bit pleased with what has gone down.)

Blossom: All right, Princess. You want to explain why you ruined maybe our only chance to beat the Rowdyruff Boys?

Buttercup: Yeah, before we pound you? (Princess starts crying.) Don't think we'll go easy on you just 'cause you're crying!

Blossom: Wait, Buttercup.

Bubbles: Princess, what's wrong? (Close-up: back of Princess' head.)

Princess: Those boys said I wasn't good enough to join their team...because I'm a stupid girl and boys are better.

(On the end of this, pull back to in front of her. She still has her back to the girls.)

Girls: They said what?!?

(Back to Princess. These three words cause her to do a double take, after which she assumes a shrewd, calculating expression and her tone of voice starts to egg the girls on.)

Princess: Oh, yeah. And they also said stuff about you guys. (Close-up of Bubbles; she continues o.c.) Like you have ugly hair... (She gasps; cut to Buttercup.) ...and that you fight like girls... (She gasps; cut to Blossom.) ...and you're really stupid. (She gasps.)

(Back to Princess, now facing the girls.)

Princess: (begging) Please! You have to let me be a Powerpuff Girl. It's the only way to defeat them. I have a plan and everything!

Blossom: (dryly) This better be good, Princess. (Princess lifts off.)

Princess: It will be! (taking off; the girls follow) I promise! Just follow me!

(Dissolve to a close-up of the corner of some rocky outcropping, with the desert sun shining behind it. Pull back to show this as a mammoth boulder, with one end propped up by a collection of smaller stones. Antennas and floodlights are mounted on top, and the entire assembly sits near the edge of a ravine. In the foreground, a chain-link fence topped with barbed wire protects the area, and a surveillance camera swivels to cover as wide a view as possible. Close-up of a keypad set in the rock face; Princess steps into view next to it and talks over her shoulder.)

Princess: This is my secret warehouse of weaponry.

(She presses a few buttons. Pull back to show the girls behind her; a large door opens in the surface of the rock, revealing an immense cavern within. She steps in, the girls following. They stop in a large circular area of the floor, after which the door closes behind them to hide everyone from view.)

(Cut to inside a wide vertical shaft as the group descends into view. They are riding on a platform, whose top surface we just saw. Turn down to follow them; the girls are more than a bit taken aback at this installation. Pull back to show pipes, structural members, and glass domes stretching around the shaft in all directions.)

(The machinery slows down; cut to a close-up of another door, just like the outer one, as it slides open to reveal the group on the other side and out of the lift. Pull back across the space to show it as a huge, nearly empty hangar. At its other end are three vehicles: a tank, a speedboat with an onboard cannon, and a jet. Back to the group.)

Girls: (awestruck) Woooow!

(Cut to their perspective, panning slowly across the three vehicles, then to Blossom.)

Blossom: What is all this?

Princess: (sheepishly) Um...these are weapons that I made.

Bubbles: Made for what?

Princess: For destroying you...but now we can use 'em to destroy the Rowdyruff Boys. Look! (She runs to the tank.) A super-ionic blast gun... (To the jet.) ...multiple antimatter scatter bombs... (To the boat.) ...and a molecular electronic disruptor! Three totally state-of-the-art powerhouses of complete, total Chemical X-seeking annihilation!

(Cut to the girls. They are still trying to make head or tail of this lot.)

Princess: (from o.c.) And it's all yours... (Pull back to ground level, just behind her feet.) ...if you make me a Powerpuff Girl.

(Back to the girls on the end of this line. Buttercup is the first to find her tongue.)

Buttercup: (shaking head to clear it) Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute! (Close-up of her; she steps forward.) You want to be part of our team?

Bubbles: (stepping forward) And you want us to use your horrible weapons?

Buttercup: (stepping farther) They were meant to destroy us? We're superheroes. We don't need weapons!

(The camera follows their advances. After the last one, Buttercup is alone in the frame.)

Buttercup: (over shoulder) Can you believe this, Blossom? (She looks around and is caught off guard.) Blossom?

(Long shot of the jet. Blossom stands in front and regards it silently. Back to her sisters, standing together again; Princess is in the background.)

Bubbles: Blossom? (All three turn to their benefactor.)

Blossom: Princess... (Shift to point between the girls' feet.) ...you're in.

(Zoom in quickly on Princess, whose face betrays her surprise at having been taken at face value. A second later, it rearranges itself into another shrewd smile.)

Princess: Trust me. You won't regret this.

(Fade to black.)

(Snap to the waterfront. People walk past the various shops that line the dock. The calm is shattered by an explosion from one of the storefronts; when the smoke clears, the boys are seen stepping forth from the site, a restaurant. Close-up of Brick. He carries a burger, which he devours in no time flat, and produces a hearty belch once he has it down.)

Brick: I loves me a good burger! (Pull back; Boomer shovels several into his own mouth.) Does anyone know what goes good with burgers?

(Close-up of Butch. He grins and points off to one side; cut to just behind the boys. A store selling video games are on the receiving end of the gesture. Back to them.)

Brick: Video games!

(Princess' shadow passes over the boys, and Butch points up toward her.)

Brick: What the...? (She describes a sweeping arc over their heads.)

Boomer: (like Tattoo on Fantasy Island) De plane! De plane!

Brick: Shut up! It's not a plane!

(He squints upward, shading his eyes; Princess soars overhead and flips a salute to the boys.)

Butch: (sarcastically) Yeah, it's your girlfriend.

Princess: Alpha teams, ready!

(The jet roars out of the clouds. Cut to its cockpit; Blossom is at the controls. She wears a flight helmet.)

Blossom: Red team, ready!

(We see her fly over the waterfront, and the camera turns down to ground level. The entire area shakes as the tank rumbles into view. The cannon turret rotates a few degrees; inside, Buttercup has taken command. She too wears a helmet.)

Buttercup: Green team, ready!

(Cut to a patch of water. The boat appears on the horizon and charges toward the camera. The boys turn away from the game store window, too stunned to speak for the moment and look over their shoulders. After the craft cuts a sharp U-turn near the dock, cut to Bubbles at the helm. She also has a helmet.)

Bubbles: Blue team, ready!

Princess: Red team, attack!

(The jet lets loose with a salvo of missiles. As the boys brace for impact, these shots strike all around them but they are left standing. They hold position, their eyes tightly shut, with smoke and debris on all sides. After realizing that they have not been wiped off the face of the earth, they look up toward the sky and start to voice their enthusiastic respect for this bit of weaponry. Princess, on the other hand, is most displeased. She gasps sharply.)

Princess: You missed! How could you miss? Green team, attack!

(The tank's cannon fires a beam that slices straight up the dock toward the boys. When it is a short distance away from them, it cuts off and an explosion at that point sends up more smoke and bits of wreckage. The boys shield themselves once again, then yell out their approval of this new item. Now Princess is even angrier.)

Princess: What? For Pete's sake, they were standing right in front of you! Blue team, attack!

(Bubbles activates the boat's cannon, shooting a beam that traces a path past the boys and straight up one of the buildings behind them. When she stops firing, they are once again most impressed by the technology.)

Princess: (shocked) Oh, no! (Close-up of Butch; pan to the others in turn.)

Butch: A tank!

Brick: A plane!

Boomer: A boat! (Pull back to frame all three.)

Boys: Oh, my!

(They take off. Brick approaches the jet; cut to inside the cockpit as Blossom looks over her shoulder in surprise. Outside, he lands on the fuselage, near the canopy, and grins wickedly. Boomer pulls even with the boat and lands on its prow. Next, Butch rises into the air and goes into a sharp dive to land on top of the tank.)

Princess: (to girls) Don't just sit there! Attack!

(In the cockpit, Blossom is knocked out of her seat by Brick, who then takes over the controls. Boomer sends Bubbles flying and commandeers the boat, after which Butch opens the tank's personnel hatch. Inside, Buttercup looks up as sunlight shines in from above due to the opening; she is swiftly yanked out and replaced by her counterpart.)

(The three assault vehicles pass one another near the dock while the girls descend to ground level so they can watch. They no longer wear their helmets. Princess is livid.)

Princess: What the heck was that? You guys are pathetic! Are you just gonna stand there and do nothing?

Blossom: Just watch.

(Cut to each of the boys in time with the next three lines.)

Brick: Lock on target, boys.

Boomer: Ready!

Butch: Ready!

Brick: Fire!

(Boomer fires the boat's cannon; the blast cuts the surface of the water, approaching the dock. The tank rolls into its path and is promptly barbecued.)

Boomer: Direct hit!

Brick: (laughing) And the quarterback is toast!

(Butch is still at the controls of the tank. He laughs over the whole situation as the screeching of brakes is heard; cut to outside. The vehicle has taken a fair bit of damage from Boomer's assault and is stationary, but the cannon is still operational. It rotates 90 degrees to point over the water and fires. The shot wings the boat and sends it spinning out of control. Close-up of Boomer, also laughing his head off as the boat keeps tumbling.)

(Pull back. He shoots in all directions; one blast connects with the jet and sends it into a screaming dive, with black smoke billowing from its tail. Close-up of Brick, laughing fit to burst despite having been shot down. Cut to outside the aircraft; as it plummets, it unloads a salvo of missiles that home in on the tank. The waterfront disappears under the glare of their detonation, and the blast radius increases when another missile hits the boat as it spins out near the dock.)

(Cut to the girls. Still standing on the dock, they throw up their arms to shield themselves from flying debris; as a few bits rain down and the smoke clears, Princess finally descends toward them. She has remained airborne throughout this entire melee. Cut to the three vehicles, now completely trashed and resting on the planks. Smoke pours from all of them. Close-up of Brick, who is in one piece, still in the cockpit, and laughing hard enough to give himself a hernia.)

Brick: It hurts to laugh! (Cut to Butch, also laughing and halfway out of the tank's hatch.)

Butch: I...I...can't...move! (Boomer, still at the helm, laughs as well.)

Boomer: Dude...I can't bre...I can't breathe!

(Princess stares incredulously at them and turns to face the girls, who smile back at her.)

Blossom: (chuckling) Well, girls, the plan worked. We outwitted the dimwits once again.

Bubbles: Silly boys.

Princess: What was that?! I cannot believe what just happened! I mean, seriously, what a pathetic display of substandard superheroism. I mean, it wasn't like I bragged about you guys before, but you really stunk! (Cut to the slightly puzzled girls; she continues o.c.) Where to begin? I mean, that wasn't teamwork; I don't know what that was. Your complete lack of hand-eye coordination - they were landing right in front of you - and you couldn't even hit them! You practically rolled over and handed them the weapons!

(Back to her as she lands on the dock. Throughout all of this, she has started to sound more and more like a crazed football coach, and now she goes over the edge.)

Princess: That is not Powerpuff material, girls! I am very disappointed and concerned for the future of this team! Obviously, you lack the leadership skills to be a successful superhero team. So I will be filling the position of leader from now on. (Back to the girls; she continues o.c.) You guys have been riding on your reps waaay too long. Today was pitiful! (Cut to the boys, still laughing amid the wrecks.) And then you just stood there on the sidelines like losers. Losers!

(Back to the girls. As Princess continues, they trade smiles and lift off; pull back to follow them away from the dock.)

Princess: (from o.c., imitating them) "Oh, yes. We're the Powerpuff Girls We can do anything." (They lift off; she resumes her normal tone.) You can't even shoot straight!

(On the end of this line, pull back to follow the girls; they slowly pull ahead of the camera, and Princess is visible as a tiny yellow speck on the dock.)

Princess: I give you everything you could possibly need to beat these guys, and you just sit there and... (imitating them, whining) ..."I didn't hit them. I didn't hit them." (normal tone) Well, try and hit your barn, you idiots!

(The standard end shot comes up.)

Narrator: And so once again the day is saved - thanks to the Powerpuff Girls!