The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen

[The episode begins at the Winter of the woods.]

Narrator: Our story begins thousands of years ago, 1856... This is scroll of the life drama of the legendary Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen! We salute these brave men and the famous model... We always get our... BUTTS KICKED!

[Heard the kick and shout "OUCH!" offscreen, Cuts to Jasper.]

Jasper: Then this is a nation of GLORYYY! I need volunteer, We need men! Dig of hearth!

Jasper: Dig of courage!

Jasper: Dig of spirit!

Jasper: Only big men will due.

[Ren and Stimpy are mens, too.]

[Cuts to Jasper, Ren, Stimpy and the group of mens.]

Jasper: For those of you volunteer? It means certain day. [Look at Ren] If you're lucky... [inhales, blows his nose at Ren] You must been very proud you have an opportunity like THIS.

[Ren looks at Stimpy.]

Jasper: You're go down in history! [Looks at the group of mens] This station shall be forced in your blood. That's everyone gets the chance to sacrifice their lives for such a Noble Cobb. You can make this land a great place to our children, and there's children's children. There is a great WILLTHERNESS world out there! Then you must team!

Ren: Why...

Jasper: [looks at Ren] So that future generations will live in FREEDOM! [grins happily at Ren] Face of it, man! I can see now! Two color TV's an every home! A carrying rocking any garage!

[Stimpy is happy with tears of joy.]

Jasper: [offscreen] And all be cost selfish man life, you'll lay down your lies for Kilted Yaksmen!

[Stimpy whimpers happily.]

Jasper: [offscreen] Don't do it yourself, man!

[Stimpy stills whimpers sadly.]

Jasper: [offscreen] Do it for people you've never even MEET!

[Stimpy is begging at Jasper.]

Stimpy: PLEASE! PLEASE LET SACRIFICE FOR OUR COUNTRY! Me and Ren are is a cheap!

[Jasper is thinking.]

Jasper: Well, I don't know.

[Ren is scared.]

Stimpy: [offscreen] Oh, please! I'm an not worthy!

[Stimpy borrow a 5 bucks off of Ren's pocket.]

Stimpy: Here! Take this 5 bucks! Just let it serve!

[Jasper is wondering about 5 bucks.]

Jasper: Well...

[A group of mens is sweating a few seconds, Then Jasper gives a 5 bucks.]

Jasper: Okay.

[A group of mens sighs in relief.]

Stimpy: Oh, thank you! [kisses at Jasper's leg twice] Thank you! [kissing again]

[Ren is shocked then he fainted.]

Jasper: I'm proud of you boys! And while, you brave men set your place in History! The rest of us poor lads must bear the shame of having remain here... with the women.

[A group of mens was ashamed about the four happy womens. Ren looked very scared.]

Stimpy: The poor men! Isn't that pity, Ren?

[Ren is panting heavily. He grabs up on Stimpy and then he smacks of Stimpy's face.]

Stimpy: OOP!

Ren: HMPH!

[Fades to Snow mountain.]

Narrator: And so, faithfully, The two heroic yaksmen began their journey across of the Majestic Willtherness in search of the great, the loss, Barren Wasteland.

[Ren and Stimpy is riding with two yaks, it started to snow.]

Narrator: Onward they pressed through the harsh canadian tundra! Facing hard chef. After hard chef!

[Ren is having the axe and Stimpy is holding on those logs. Ren is slam the tree with his axe.]

[Ren and Stimpy is riding with two yaks, it started to rain. Then Nurse Stimpy is carrying a head bag on Ren's head. At outside, it started to snow again. Then the snowball will throw at Ren and Stimpy. Ren was bored, then he sit on the toliet. Spider is crawling on Ren's back. At outside, it shoots all the arrows at Ren and Stimpy, and it had one arrow shoots at Stimpy's head. Marmoset sees at Ren and Stimpy. Then Ren and Stimpy is looking at marmoset. Marmoset roars at Ren and Stimpy.]

Ren: I TOLD YA IT'S MARMOSET!

[Marmoset attacks at Ren offscreen.]

Narrator: Yes! Canada's most fierce of cratatore, the corniac marmoset. It's the world's largest (smallest) Primate.

[Marmoset punches Ren.]

Stimpy: Oh my god! He's killing us!

Ren: [groans] HELP! HELP!

[Marmoset continuing attacks at Ren, Fade to Ren and Stimpy has a full of bandages, Then it started to rain. The lightning strikes at Ren and Stimpy.]

[Ren and Stimpy and two yaks will visit the Jungle.]

Narrator: Having weather the wind tree come grass. Our heroes spreads on into this stinky hot deaths of the Canadian Jungle.

[Stimpy has water bottle. Ren was very surprised and he give the water and then he drinks the water bottle. But there's a bees instead of water. Ren is impressed. But he shocked and he screaming out a bunch of bees on his mouth. Bee will string the Ren's tongue and all bunch of bees fly away. Fades to the forest, Ren and Stimpy will ride on two yaks.]

Narrator: Filthy! Starving! Exhausted! Our heroes wearally continue on in search of the Great Barren Wasteland.

[Ren and Stimpy was so tired, then Ren will be shivering and sweating.]

Ren: STOP! I can't take it any longer! We're all out of food and water! I feel like i'm gonna STARVE! If we can't keep on going, we will sharefully DIE!

[Stimpy is putting his hands on his head.]

Ren: I told we just turn back!

Stimpy: STOP IT, MAN! You wouldn't say those things! Remember the royal anthem of the Kilted Yaksmen.

[Stimpy has a flute, then he blows the flute. Looks happily at Ren.]

Stimpy: [singing] Our country reeks of trees,

Our yaks are really large,

[Yaks waves his head happily.]

and they smell like rotting been carcasses.

[The yak is frustrated.]

And we have to clean up after them,

and our saddle sores are the best.

We proudly wear womens' clothing

and searing sand blows up our skirts.

[Skirts is winding at sand will breezing at Ren and Stimpy's butt.]

Ren and Stimpy: Ow ow ow ow ow ow!

Ren and Stimpy: [singing] And the buzzards, they soar overhead

and posionous snakes will devour us whole

and our bones will bleach in the sun.

Stimpy: That's it!

Ren and Stimpy: [singing] And we will probably go to (fart),

and that is our great reward

for being the uh Roy-oy-al

Canadian Kilted Yaksmen!

Stimpy: Come on everybody!

[Cuts to Ren, Stimpy and all the outdoor animals, Cuts to Two yaks.]

Ren, Stimpy and All the outdoor animals: [singing] Our country reeks of trees,

[Cuts to the crabs.]

Our yaks are really large,

[Cut to Four Muddy Mudskippers.]

and they smell like rotting beef carcasses.

[The fly is slurping on Ren and Stimpy's butt.]

And we have to clean up after them,

and our saddle sores are the best.

[The net slaps at two flies, Cuts to a flying Crocostimpy's.]

We proudly wear womens' clothing,

[Ren and Stimpy lift up his skirts.]

And searing sand blows up our skirts.

[The bear is bored, Cuts to Ren and Stimpy.]

And the buzzards, they sore overhead,

[Cuts the river and Whale is arrived.]

And poisonous snakes will devour us whole,

[Cuts to bones on the sand.]

Our bones will bleach in the sun.

[Cuts Ren and Stimpy and Two yaks.]

And we will probably go to (fart),

[Ren and Stimpy grabs his beer.]

And that is our great reward

for being the uh Roy-oy-al

Canadian Kilted Yaksmeeeeeeeeeen!

[Ren and Stimpy and all the outdoor animals is cheering and he all throws the shirt, shoes, ribbons and also blood lungs.]

[Fades to the bright sunny day, Sand dessert, Ren,Stimpy and two yaks are crawling to sweat.]

Stimpy: [singing softly] Our country reeks of trees, our yaks are really large and they smell like beef carcasses. And we have to clean up after them,

[Brown Yak is looking at Ren and stimpy, he's shivering crazier.]

And our saddle sores are the best-

Brown Yak: SHUT UP!!! I can't STAND it anymore!!! All the time, singing! SINGING!! WHY WON'T HE STOOOP?!? Listen... Ya hear it?

[Brown Yak is laughing maniacally, he sit down and goes crazy, he's shivering and he does a laughing maniacally and he went crazy. He had sharp teeth and shivers wildly, and he's yelling and growling but crazy. Ren looks at Brown Yak and he slaps at the yak.]

Ren: CUT OF YOUR SENSES, MAN! They're not time for hesterics! We've got to hold together!

[Brown Yak is calming down and it has tear on your eye and sighs in relief.]

Brown Yak: Thanks. I needed that. I'm alright now.

Ren: Good! Now we just sit down and THINK how they can find food. Alright, think.

[Ren is sitting on a rock, Stimpy was thinking, Gray Yak sees Brown Yak what he was thinking. Fades the evening and fades the night and fades the morning. the Rooster crows is heard. Fades the sunny day. Then Ren has an idea.]

Ren: Of course! What an eediot I've been! The answer is right front of us!

[Stimpy looks at Ren. Brown Yak is looking at Gray Yak.]

Ren: Look around you, man! This isCanada!

Stimpy: So?

Ren: And what is Canada's greatest national resource?

[Stimpy is thinking.]

Stimpy: Dirt?

Ren: YES! THAT'S IT! WE'LL EAT DIRT! Now all we have to do is making a fine ones. Find the dirt thing in the ground and EUREKA!! WE HAVE A DIRT FEAST!!

[Stimpy and two yaks screaming happily.]

[Ren was looking the items from it's backpack, then he putting the grape, sandwich, and chicken on Up and down shovel.]

Ren: We're not leave hungry tonight.

[Ren is walking with the shovel and search for dirt. Stimpy was searching from dirt and he saw surprised for brownest dirt. Then he licks at the brown dirt and then, Ren is fully shocked and he slaps at Stimpy and he coughs a dirt out of his mouth.]

Ren: YOU FOOL!!! You can't just eat any dirt! [picks up and Stimpy sees the brown poison dirt] THIS IS POISON DIRT! I'll find the dirt around here. Everyone follow me.

[Ren, Stimpy and two yaks were searching for a dirt.]

Ren: Come on, let's pick up the paste.

[Brown Yak is frustrated.]

Brown Yak: Pssst! [to Gray Yak] The searching for dirt is a bunch of bull. I say we stay right here get some Z's. Hmm!

[Brown Yak puts the shovel on the ground. Suddenly, the ground is rumbling and it blow up a brown delicious dirt and Brown Yak was so happy.]

Ren: We did it! We struck DIRT!

[Ren, Stimpy and two yaks are cheering.]

[That night, the rooster is howling on the moon. Stimpy is serving a delicious dirts.]

Stimpy: Dinner is served. Pry Dirt Cakes and Dirt on the cob. Huh? Huh?

Ren: Oh boy! Here we go!

Brown Yak: All right!

[Yaks is drooling.]

Ren: WAIT! We forgot to say grace.

[The choir is singing offscreen.]

Ren: Father, we thank you for these heat of dirt, now it's must been so upon us. [sniffs sadly]

Yaks: A-men.

Ren: LET'S EAT!

[Ren, Stimpy and Two yaks was eating a delicious dirts.]

[The next morning, Ren is waking up and sees the sunshine. All the yaks and Stimpy too was waking up as well. Ren yawns and pats his fat belly and Stimpy rubs his belly too. Ren is put the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen flag on the ground, Cuts the flag.]

Ren: Yep, this is what Canada's all about. A tummy full of dirt, A twinkling your eye, and a pine bowl in your cue.

[One moment, they are standing on top of the cliff saluting the flag, and then the camera zooms in on Ren and Stimpy.]

Narrator: And so, with graditute an our kidnies and a sensive security in our pockets, we must not forget that we owing all to those two heroic men... whose names I can remember.

[Fades to Ren and Stimpy are skeletons.]

Narrator: But none or less did not get their lives in vain for the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen!

[Zooms back out at the City of town and the yaks are gone. It also as cars and trucks too. The episode ends.]