The Fish Guts Displacement


 * Amy: Sheldon, this isn't helping. Why don’t you just let me get some rest.
 * Sheldon: How can you sleep? I’m not done making you feel better. I still have to put a cold rag on your head, sing to you and apply VapoRub to your chest.
 * Amy: [sits up, sounding confused and intrigued] You, you want to rub something on my chest?
 * Sheldon: Yes. All over it.
 * Amy: Maybe we should start with that.
 * Sheldon: Now you’re being a responsible patient. Now you may notice some tingling.
 * Amy: Oh, I’m counting on it.


 * Howard: Sir, I’m flattered that you invited me, and I really want you to like me, but I don’t think this trip is the way to do it. And I can’t return these things if there’s chunks of duck all over them.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: So, why’d you agree to come?
 * Howard: ‘Cause Bernadette made me.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: I tried to back out, too. My wife said I had to go.
 * Howard: Really? Your wife makes you do stuff? You’re a big, scary cop.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: You’re an astronaut, and your wife makes you do things, and she’s only four feet tall.
 * Howard: So, what do we do now? They expect us to go away for the weekend.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: Ah. There’s an Indian casino near Palm Springs. You know how to shoot craps?
 * Howard: No, but I’m not a stranger to dice games. I was the Temple Beth-El Hebrew School Yahtzee champion.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: Mazel tov. I’ll teach you how to play.
 * Howard: Really? Thank you, sir.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: Call me Mike.
 * Howard: Okay. Oh, boy, we’re just married to a couple of ball busters, huh, Mike?
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: That’s my wife and daughter you’re talking about.
 * Howard: Great couple of gals.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: I wouldn't go that far.


 * Raj: And we change the subject? Spiders give me the jeebie-jeebies.
 * Howard: its heebie-jeebies.
 * Raj: I know, but that sounds anti-Semitic. Anyway, I was thinking we could have a little film festival tonight. The theme, movies that killed their franchises.
 * Leonard: Oh. Like Jaws 4, Indiana Jones 4, Daredevil 1.
 * Raj: Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous. I mean, you know a movie’s bad when my home girl Sandy B can’t save it.


 * Howard: So, how have you been?
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: Fine.
 * Howard: Good. Fine is good. How you liking retirement?
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: It’s fine.
 * Howard: I’m sensing a theme. You ever really think about the Spider-Man theme song? How’s that dinner coming?
 * Bernadette: I just put it in. It’s gonna be a while.
 * Howard: I like rare chicken. Let’s do this.
 * Bernadette: You could die.
 * Howard: Death by chicken. That’s a pretty fowl way to go.
 * Mrs. Rostenkowski: Here’s another beer, honey.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: Thank you.
 * Howard: So, Mrs. Rostenkowski, you took that trip to the Grand Canyon. How was it?
 * Mrs. Rostenkowski: It was good.
 * Howard: Had no idea you were the chatty one.


 * Howard: Really? Your wife makes you do stuff? You’re a big, scary cop.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: You’re an astronaut, and your wife makes you do things, and she’s only four feet tall.


 * Howard: Okay, dig in.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: Hold up. Bless us, O Lord for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen.
 * Howard: Took the words right out of my mouth.
 * Bernadette: So, Dad, have you done any fishing lately?
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: I’m going next weekend.
 * Howard: Oh, you like to fish?
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: Yes.
 * Howard: Sure. I can hear it in your voice.
 * Mrs. Rostenkowski: Oh, if he didn’t like it, he wouldn’t go.
 * Howard: You know, I hadn’t thought of that. (To Bernadette, whispering) Help me.
 * Bernadette: Hey, Dad, maybe you could take Howard fishing sometime. Give you guys a chance to get to know each other better.
 * Howard: No, no. We know each other well enough. He’s been talking my ear off all night.
 * Bernadette: Howie, I think you’d have fun.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: Fine, you can tag along.
 * Bernadette: (out of vision) Terrific. (scene of Bernadette) My two favorite fellas gone fishin’.
 * Howard: Well, hang on a second, Bernie. Next weekend, we have that thing.
 * Bernadette: What thing?
 * Howard: You know, the thing.
 * Bernadette: Oh, that thing. No, I cancelled that thing.
 * Mr. Rostenkowski: All right, it’s settled. You and I are going fishing
 * Howard: Great. (To Bernadette) Thanks for the help.


 * Sheldon (reading): And the control group displayed significantly fewer genetic abnormalities. But, because of flaws in the experimental design relating to environment and diet, they lived inconclusively ever after. The end.
 * Amy: That was great. Rub my chest again. (Knock at door)
 * Sheldon: No. I need to get you down for a nap. And for some reason, that VapoRub gets you all fired up. (Opens door)
 * Bernadette: How’s the poor thing?
 * Sheldon: Oh, I’m hanging in there. Thanks for asking.
 * Bernadette: Okay, Amy, I brought you some drugs we were working on in the lab. This is proving really good for congestion, but there’s a slight chance it can make your tears burn like acid, so if you take it, happy thoughts.
 * Sheldon: Uh, I’m going to draw you a soothing bath. Where’s your bath thermometer?
 * Amy: I don’t have a bath thermometer.
 * Sheldon: Fine. Then I’m going to draw you a nerve-wracking bath of indeterminate temperature.
 * Bernadette: This is a really good expectorant. Although some test subjects reported lactating uncontrollably when they heard music.
 * Amy: Okay, okay, here’s the deal. I don’t need your medicine. I’m not sick.
 * Bernadette: (she is so shockingly cross) I don’t understand.
 * Amy: I got better two days ago. (Bernadette opens her mouth crossly) It’s just been so nice having Sheldon take care of me.
 * Bernadette: (she's asking Amy crossly) So you’ve just been lying to him?
 * Amy: See the stuff in my nose? Rubber cement.
 * Bernadette: (she's slightly disgusted) I don’t mean to be judgy, but this is the kind of thing lunatics do.
 * Amy: All right. I’ll tell him.
 * Sheldon (off): Amy, would you be strong enough to bathe yourself, or do you need my help?
 * (Amy turns at the stern Bernadette who is still looking very cross)
 * Amy: I’ll tell him tomorrow. (she runs of the couch in a hurry) Mama needs a bath.
 * (Amy now exits for the bathroom whilst Bernadette starts to get more crosser than ever)


 * Sheldon: Are you prepared to recieve your punishment?
 * Amy: One second. I want to put on some music. (picks up a remote)
 * Sheldon: Why?
 * Amy: I don't want to disturb the people next door while you discipline me. (turns on a radio and sets the remote down)
 * Sheldon: Very well, then. Get over my knee. Let's begin. (Amy stands up and lays down on Sheldon's legs; Sheldon puts his hand directly over Amy's butt and smacks it)
 * Amy: (laughing) Oh, my! (she smiles like she wants Sheldon to hit her bottom)
 * Sheldon: Excuse me! You're not supposed to be enjoying this.
 * Amy: (stops smiling) Then, maybe you should spank me harder.
 * Sheldon: Maybe I will. (he slaps Amy's butt with more force as she smiles again)
 * Amy: Whoo-hoo!