The Collaboration Contamination


 * Bernadette: Thanks for letting me put Halley in your room.
 * Leonard: Yeah, no problem.
 * Bernadette: Oh, and Penny, she kinda threw up on your stuffed bear.
 * Penny: Oh, that's okay.
 * Leonard: Hey. Tha... that's an Ewok, and it's mine.
 * Penny: Yeah, which is why it's okay.
 * Sheldon: See? He gets Ewoks in his bed.
 * Amy: You've got Chewbacca. That's enough.
 * Raj: I used to have the stuffed racoon from "Guardians of the Galaxy", but Cinammon licked it raw.
 * Howard: There's a time and place for your randy dog stories, and... it's never and nowhere.


 * Penny: No more stories about sex, so, Amy, that brings us to you.
 * Amy: Well, at work, we've been doing some interesting work with neuroprosthetics.
 * Penny: Neat. I've been re-watching "The O.C.", so we're all leading productive lives.
 * Amy: We've been working on a computer interface that can use brainwave patterns to control robotic limbs, but we're having a little trouble localizing the signal from the EEG cap.
 * Howard: Oh, well, have you thought about adding a phased array of sensors for better localization?
 * Amy: Actually, that never occurred to me.
 * Penny: It never occurred to me I would miss the Ewok conversation.
 * Leonard: Good, 'cause I just bought another one on Amazon.


 * Amy: You know, I could use an engineer on this project.
 * Sheldon: Well, now this works out great. Howard's an engineer. I'm sure he knows someone qualified.
 * Howard: She was talking about me, Sheldon. I'm perfectly qualified.
 * Bernadette: Yeah, Howie's the world's best engineer. It says so right on his coffee mug.
 * Penny: Aw, you got him a mug?
 * Raj: I did. But it's not a competition.
 * Bernadette: Yeah, I lost that battle years ago.
 * Amy: So, Howard, are you interested?
 * Howard: Are you kidding? If I could control robot arms with my brain, I'd be able to do so many things.
 * Sheldon: Really? Because you've been controlling human arms with your brain for years and not much has come of it.


 * Leonard: Hey. What you reading?
 * Penny: A parenting book.
 * Leonard: Oh, my god. Are... are we...?
 * Penny: What? No! You think this is how I would tell you?
 * Leonard: Well... [he stammers] ...you're sitting there with a book. It felt like anything was possible.


 * Penny: [reading a book on parenting] Bernadette left it here.
 * Leonard: Yeah? Anything interesting?
 * Penny: Well, I just saw a picture of a baby's head crowning, so I hope you enjoyed sex, because we're done with that.


 * Sheldon: Remember how disappointed you were when Amy started driving me to work?
 * Leonard: [sarcastic] Sure. Sometimes people smile a big smile of disappointment.
 * Sheldon: Yeah, well, good news. Amy had to go in early to show Howard around her lab, so you get to drive me.
 * Penny: [Leonard's face falls] Aw, his smile of disappointment has turned into a frown of joy.
 * Leonard: It's fine. I've been driving him for years. What's one more day?
 * Sheldon: Oh, and I've got a new car game we can play. It's called "What Siren Am I?".
 * Leonard: Kill me.


 * Howard: So this is it?
 * Amy: Yes. We are using it to map brainwave patterns and then converting them into electrical impulses that can be used to control anything, from wheelchairs to robots.
 * Howard: Based on that ring on your finger, I'd say you're pretty good at controlling robots.
 * Amy: Careful. That's my fiance you're talking about. And I can program him to hurt you.


 * Leonard: [wearily playing Sheldon's car game] I don't know. French police?
 * Sheldon: Oh, so close. Belgian ambulance. All, right you ready for your next one? Just a warning, this one's a little annoying.
 * Leonard: Let's take a little... little break. I'm getting a headache.
 * Sheldon: Aw. Right in the middle of our fun game.
 * Leonard: Yeah, weird.


 * Leonard: So... Howard and Amy working together. That's interesting, huh?
 * Sheldon: Eh. It's all right, I suppose. Usually when Amy complains about her coworkers, I just tune her out, but now I'll be able to join in and pound away.


 * Howard: If we add phase detection to your EEG sensors, I'll have to re-write most of the code.
 * Amy: Well, can you do that?
 * Howard: Well, these hands were made to do three things: close-up magic, writing code, and the dirty shadow puppet show that got me kicked out of Hebrew school.


 * Amy: What's with the blinking?
 * Sheldon: It's Morse code. So that we can talk about... [he gestures at Wolowitz]
 * Sheldon: ...without hurting... [he gestures at Wolowitz again]
 * Sheldon: ...'s feelings.
 * Amy: Sheldon, I don't know Morse code.
 * Howard: I do. And if you have something to say, you can say it to my face.
 * Sheldon: Oh. All right. [he blinks in Morse code]
 * Howard: I'm a little rusty. Could you say that again?


 * Penny: Okay, what is going on?
 * Sheldon: Well, ever since Amy started working with Howard, she hasn't been home.
 * Penny: Didn't that just start this morning?
 * Sheldon: And has she been home?
 * Penny: You know, that would frustrate me. Does it frustrate you?
 * Sheldon:I-it does.
 * Penny: I get that. You know, it's okay to feel frustrated when things aren't going your way.
 * Sheldon: I suppose. Ah, maybe it's not that big a deal.
 * Penny: No. No, no. Your feelings are valid. Now, why don't you go wash up and we'll call you when dinner's ready.
 * Sheldon: Okay.
 * Leonard: [Sheldon leaves] What did you do... are you a witch?
 * Penny: No, I've been reading Bernadette's parenting book. It's like the answer key to the Sheldon test.
 * Leonard: That's amazing.
 * Penny: I know. But, you know, it's only birth to five. What do we do when he turns six?
 * Leonard: Take him to the zoo and leave him there.


 * Bernadette: Howard's not here.
 * Raj: Oh, I know. He's been at the lab every night this week with his work wife.
 * Bernadette: That's weird. I thought his work wife was standing in my kitchen.
 * Raj: Don't be snippy. I came to see how you were doing. Like, uh, do you need help with anything?
 * Bernadette: Oh, thank you. There are a few things around the house that I've been waiting for Howard to get to. The smoke alarms...
 * Raj: No, I meant emotionally. How are you feeling?
 * Bernadette: Like you're not really here to help me.
 * Raj: Wow. Still snippy.


 * Bernadette: Everything's fine. Howard's really excited about his work, he's been in a great mood. I'm really proud of him.
 * Raj: And I can fit into the pants I wore in high school. Come on, we don't need to lie to each other.
 * Bernadette: You're right. I have a teething baby, I'm pregnant, I have a proposal due tomorrow. I don't have time to hear about how much you're missing my husband.
 * Raj: Well, I think I know why he's been working so late.


 * Leonard: Sheldon's texting me to drive him to Bernadette's.
 * Penny: Well, what are you gonna say?
 * Leonard: Well, they did just introduce the middle finger emoji. If it's not for this, I don't know what it's for.


 * Penny: Maybe there's something in the book that will help.
 * Leonard: Worth a shot.
 * Penny: Okay. Let's see, let's see... biting other children?
 * Leonard: Well, sometimes, but... problem for another day.
 * Penny: Okay, wait, wait. Here we go. "Let him have ownership of his choices. Allow him to choose from options that are acceptable to you."
 * Leonard: All, right I'll give it a try. "I can drive you in two hours or you can take an Uber."
 * Penny: Good. See, now he feels like he has a choice.
 * Leonard: [his phone chimes] He's gonna take an Uber.
 * Penny: Wow, it worked.
 * Leonard: [taking the book] Unless he bites the driver, yeah.


 * Howard: Okay, I'm gonna extend the wait time and have it poll the A-to-D converter at the top of the loop instead of the bottom.
 * Amy: That's impressive.
 * Howard: You think that's impressive, take apart that brain model. [she picks up said model from the tabletop and finds a playing card inside]
 * Amy: Oh, my god! Three of clubs. That was my card! How did you...?
 * Howard: I used to make it appear in my pants, but HR said I had stop doing that.


 * Penny: You sound frustrated, and I'm really proud of the way you're able to state your opinion.
 * Leonard: Thank you. [realizing what she's doing] Wait, no, no! Don't use that book on me.
 * Sheldon: Wait, what book?
 * Leonard: Penny's been using one of Bernadette's parenting books on you.
 * Penny: What? So has he.
 * Sheldon: Wh... what makes you think you can treat me like a child?
 * Leonard: Your shampoo comes in a Big Bird bottle.
 * Sheldon: That's because the adult shampoo burns my man eyes!


 * Raj: Hey, what are you working on?
 * Bernadette: Oh, my god, you're still here?
 * Raj: Well, of course I'm here. I know what you're going through.
 * Bernadette: Really? You have a needy Indian man in your house?
 * Raj: I did, but then he came over here.


 * Penny: So is this how it's gonna be if we have kids? You're just gonna throw me under the bus?
 * Leonard: If you spoil them the way you do Sheldon, then yeah.
 * Penny: Uh, my way was working, okay? I think you're just upset because there are some things I am better than you at.
 * Leonard: Well, you can't end a sentence with a preposition, so clearly not grammar.
 * Penny: If you're so smart, was that a smart thing to say?
 * Leonard: That depends. Before I said it, was sex tonight still on the table?
 * Penny: No.
 * Leonard: Then it's fine.


 * Raj: This is great, the two of us hanging out. Why didn't we think of this earlier?
 * Sheldon: Agreed. I don't need Amy to watch a movie. I can not hold your hand just as easily.