Two Plumbers and a Baby

This is a transcript of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! animated segment "Two Plumbers and a Baby", which aired on October 2nd, 1989. ⦁ (The episode opens to a strange land where the hills resemble quilts, as well as trees that resemble baby bottles and large letter blocks. Mario and Co are all looking through magnifying glasses and following a trail of footprints.)⦁ Mario: (in his mind) Plumber's Log, 39-62. We found ourselves in the Kingdom of Youth. We heard there was a magical fountain of youth there, and King Goo Goo Ga Ga Koopa was using it to satisfy his miserable thirst for doing bad.⦁ (Not too far from Mario, Luigi, Princess and Toad is a castle shaped to look like baby bottles. In front of the castle is a fountain. Toad walks up to the last footprint and picks it up.)⦁ Toad: This is the end of the trail!⦁ Mario: Good thing! Cuz this is the end of a trail mix!⦁ (Mario pulls out an empty paper bag and holds it upside-down. Everyone then gasps as an old jalopy with three old men, who are dressed like kids, drives by. The jalopy parks in front of a slide, the three men get out, and they walk over to the slide.)⦁ Man 1: Last one down to The Fountain of Youth is a prune danish! (The three men go down the slide)⦁ Princess: Fountain of Youth?⦁ Mario: Prune danish? If they've got food down there, let's follow 'em!⦁ (Mario runs over to the slide and goes down it, followed by Luigi, Princess, and Toad. Meanwhile, the three men come down at the bottom of the slide and land next to the fountain.)⦁ Man 1: One sip from that fountain, and we'll all be eighteen again!⦁ (Koopa, who is wearing a pink bib with a heart, a pink bonnet, a diaper, and a yellow shirt, is standing beside the fountain, out of sight from the men. Next to Koopa is a dial with four settings represented by stick figures of a baby, a kid, an adult, and an old man. There is also a valve above the dial.)⦁ Koopa: Ga ga! You'll be eighteen inches tall when I turn The Fountain of Youth up to full power, ya old fogy! (laughs) Then you'll work for the Koopa! (turns the valve and positions the dial to the baby setting. As a result, water starts pouring into the fountain at a faster rate. The men jump into the fountain and cheer as they splash each other. Suddenly, they shrink down to baby versions of themselves and whimper as they climb out of the fountain.) ⦁ Babies: Goo goo gaa gaa goo goo gaa gaa... (Koopa then walks over to the babies and picks them up) ⦁ Koopa: It's King Goo Goo Ga Ga Koopa to you! (Baby 1 pulls on his snout) OUCH! (drops the babies, which run off) Albatoss! Catch those sniveling rugrats! ⦁ (The song "Baby Sittin' Boogie" starts up. Several Albatoss that are carrying Bob-ombs fly from over the castle. The babies run past Mario and Co, and one of the Bob-ombs is dropped. It explodes in midair, releasing a net that catches baby 1. Another Bob-omb releases a net that catches babies 2 and 3.)⦁ Luigi: Yo! Calamitous clam sauce! Koopa's capturin' all those children! (Mario, Luigi, Princess and Toad hide behind some columns as Koopa walks by. The song ends)⦁ Mario: They're not children! They're those old people turned young!⦁ Koopa: (laughs) Ga ga goo goo! (he continues laughing) Now you terrible tots will do all my chores, while I play! (enters the castle)⦁ Princess: So that's what Koopa's up to! (Mario, Luigi, Princess and Toad walk over to the castle)⦁ Toad: That no-good diaper dictator!⦁ (The Marios and Princess look through a window and see a nursery at the Kingdom of Youth. Inside, Troopas are riding on wheeled rocking horses in the shape of Ostros, and various babies are hauling logs and sacks around. One of the babies is tethered by a chain to a wheel on the ceiling, which restrains him from running off.)⦁ Princess: How terrible!⦁ Mario: We gotta free these kids, somehow. (Toad trips, knocking the others over) ⦁ Toad: Oops! (As they fall over, they knock over a wall made of letter blocks. Koopa then spots them)⦁ Koopa: Huh? It's the miserable Marios, that mush-head Mushroom, and the pesky Princess! (gets onto a rocking Ostro and rides after Mario, Luigi, Princess and Toad) Goo goo them! (Mario throws a letter block at Koopa and runs off with the others)⦁ Luigi: Let's get outta here! (Princess trips over a brick in the ground and lands in the fountain)⦁ Princess: Help! (coughing)⦁ (The Marios and Toad pull Princess out of the fountain. She shrieks and then fades out as a baby version of herself fades in while the camera scrolls down and the others gasp.)⦁ Toad: Princess! Speak to me!⦁ Princess: Baby like water!⦁ Koopa: Now I've gotcha where I want ya, ya pint-sized brat! (Princess pulls out Mario's plunger and throws it at Koopa's face. He then pulls it off) Hey! Show some respect for us grownups!⦁ Toad: Move it, gang! (Mario picks up Princess and they run off)⦁ Koopa: Koopa pack, it's time to attack! (an Albatoss flies after Mario, Luigi, Princess and Toad) ⦁ Mario: Watch out for the Albatoss!⦁ (The Albatoss swoops down at Mario, Luigi, Princess and Toad, but they duck and it misses.)⦁ Luigi: This doesn't seem like a good time for bird watchin', Mario!⦁ Koopa: Use the bomb net, you featherbrain!⦁ (A Bob-omb is dropped, releasing a net in front of Mario, Luigi, Princess and Toad. Mario trips on the net, and Princess goes flying out of his arms.)⦁ Mario: Oh no! Luigi!⦁ Princess: Goo goo, ga...whee!⦁ Luigi: Woah! (catches Princess. He trips, but gets back up and keeps running) Holy pepperoni! Careful, Mario! She's not a sack of tomatoes, ya know!⦁ Princess: More bouncy! More bouncy, Uncle Luigi!⦁ Koopa: Stop, or I'll tell on you! I've been hanging around these kids too long! (A net lands on him) Net them, you flying squawkbox! Not me!⦁ (Mario, Luigi, Princess and Toad all arrive in a playground.)⦁ Mario: Quick! Everyone on the seesaws!⦁ (A Troopa on a rocking Ostro tries to poke Mario with a giant safety pin. Mario trips on a roller skate and lands on the seesaws, which Luigi, Princess, and Toad are on, which sends them flying for a short time.)⦁ Princess: Whee! (Luigi, Princess, and Toad land safely) Ooh fun! More bouncy! More bouncy! (Mario runs over to the others and dodges some nets. He then grabs a rope and swings over to them.)⦁ Mario: Let's beat it, boys! We'll hide until dark, then come back and free those bambinos!⦁ Luigi: But in the meantime, we got ourselves a baby princess to take care of! (Mario, Luigi and Toad run off) ⦁ (Later, the Marios are pushing Princess on a swing.)⦁ Mario: I know about baby brussel sprouts, mini frozen pizzas, tiny tortellinis, but I know nothing about pint-sized princesses!⦁ Toad: Fellas, what's to know? If she gets hungry, we feed her! If she gets all goopy, we wash her! (Princess flies off the swing)⦁ Luigi: And if she gets lost?⦁ Mario, Luigi and Toad: Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!! (they see Princess in a tree, climbing along a branch)⦁ Toad: There she is!⦁ Mario: (starts climbing the tree) I'll save her!⦁ Princess: (nearing a tweeting bird) Tweet tweet tweet!⦁ Mario: (gets onto the branch) Here, baby Princess! Uncle Mario has a big surprise for you! (the branch breaks) But that's not it!⦁ (As they fall, Princess lands on a lower branch, and Mario lands in a pile of leaves.)⦁ Luigi: Mario! What're you doin' down here? The princess went that-a-way!⦁ (Princess, who's now holding a twig, laughs as she falls down from the branch, and down a canyon with water at the bottom.)⦁ Mario: Leapin' lasagna! Our baby Princess is in big trouble! (Princess' diaper gets caught on a branch growing out of the wall of the canyon)⦁ Princess: Bouncy bouncy bouncy!⦁ Mario: Woah!⦁ Toad: Now whadda we do?⦁ Mario: This looks like a job for Sky Plumber, and his homemade hang glider! Faster than a vanishing clog! More powerful than an electric drain snake! Here I come, little Princess! (pulls some branches off of a tree, the leaves of which are thick and all pressed together. He holds onto the branches, and Luigi pushes him off of the canyon. He then glides down to Princess) Goin' my way, bambino? (grabs Princess off of the branch as he flies past. Princess then tickles him and giggles. He starts laughing) Cut it out, Princess! I'm-a (laugh) ticklish! (laughs)⦁ (Mario lets go of the hang glider, but Princess hangs on. Mario falls in a mud pit, while Princess lands next to him.)⦁ Princess: Uncle Mario play mud pie! Me play too! (jumps in the mud and hugs Mario as the song "Baby Sittin' Boogie" starts up again) I like you, Uncle Mario! You fun!⦁ (Later, Mario is washing himself off in a waterfall, while Princess is sitting on a raft next to Toad, who's holding the twig. The song ends.)⦁ Toad: Babysittin' isn't all kiddin' around! Ya hafta let the little tyke know who's in charge! After a nice tubby-wubby, we'll take a nappy-wappy, and... (The song "Baby Sittin' Boogie" starts up again. Princess is sticking her feet in the water, and Toad pushes her onto the center of the raft.) Uh uh uh uh! Gotta stay on the rafty-wafty, your littleness! (Princess grabs the twig from Toad's hands. The moment Toad turns his back, Princess blows on the twig, which spins like a pinwheel and rides away on the raft. The song ends) Help! Mario! Luigi! (the Marios run up to him) ⦁ Luigi: Holy ravioli, Mario! Look!⦁ (Trouters are munching on the raft. Princess laughs, pulls one of the Trouters out of the water, and throws it over to the Marios and Toad. The Marios jump up and grab a tree branch, but the Trouter chews through the trunk, causing the tree to fall into the water. Toad is standing on a rock.)⦁ Toad: Hey! Wait for me! (jumps across some rocks onto the tree, which are floating down the river) Look! Baby Princess is floatin' away!⦁ Luigi: Oh, no!⦁ Mario: Not for long!⦁ (The Marios pull out plungers and use them as oars to catch up to Princess, whose raft is still being eaten away by Trouters.)⦁ Princess: Uncle Mario! Uncle Mario! See the fishies play!⦁ Luigi: Hurry, Mario! Before the Trouters get her!⦁ (Mario attaches a rope to his plunger and throws it a Princess, catching her. The song "Baby Sittin' Boogie" starts up again. Mario pulls Princess over the water and catches her.)⦁ Toad: There's not much sittin' in this babysittin' stuff!⦁ Luigi: There will be, if we can get her to take a nap!⦁ (The song ends. It's now dusk, and Princess is lying in a hammock. The Marios and Toad are gently rocking her back and forth.)⦁ Mario: Hush, little Princess, don't you cry! I'm gonna buy you a pizza pie! And if that pizza pie gets ate, Luigi'll buy you a New York steak!⦁ (The Marios and Toad make shushes, and turn their backs.) ⦁ Princess: (begins to cry) Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (the Marios and Toad go back to rocking the hammock) Waaaah, aah-aaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaah! (later, Toad is holding something in his hands)⦁ Toad: Please stop crying! (Princess continues to cry) Look, baby Princess! I have pretty fireflies for you! (opens his hands) ⦁ (Two fireflies fly out and hover over Princess.)⦁ Princess: Pretty pretty!⦁ Toad: That oughtta keep you quiet!⦁ Mario: I hate babysitting!⦁ Toad: Aww, come on! The princess isn't so bad! Look at her! (Mario, Luigi and Toad look at the hammock, which is now empty) ⦁ Luigi: Holy spumoni! She's gone!⦁ Toad: She must be followin' the fireflies! (The fireflies fly towards the castle.) ⦁ Mario: And they're headed right for Koopa's castle! Come on! (the Marios and Toad head to the castle. Princess is already there and crawling around the fountain, trying to catch the fireflies)⦁ Princess: Pretty pretty! Baby want you!⦁ Toad: Oh no! She's gonna fall in! (Mario runs over to the Princess and grabs her)⦁ Mario: You get any younger, Princess, and you'll disappear! (they notice that the dial for the fountain is gone) Koopa took the control dial!⦁ Luigi: Now we'll never get the princess back to her right age!⦁ Mario: Sure we can! We just have to reverse the flow of the waterfall!⦁ (Mario walks up to the castle and opens a door to a room full of pipes. Later, the Marios are next to the fountain, putting pipes together.)⦁ Koopa (off screen): You'll never get away with this you noodle noggins! (rides out of the castle on a rocking Ostro)⦁ Mario and Luigi: Patty cake! Patty cake! Pasta man! Give me pasta power as fast as you can!⦁ (The Marios do their little routine and pick up a Y-shaped pipe.)⦁ Mario: (in Luigi's voice) Good thing we used the extra pipe for this Koopa catcher, huh Mario?⦁ (Koopa rides into the pipe, and the Marios toss him into the air.)⦁ Koopa: I'll fix you! (lands in the fountain and jumps out as a baby) What? Huh? I'll be back to get you...when I grow up! (cries, then walks off) ⦁ (Mario then sticks the Y-shaped pipe into where the dial went. As a result, the water is now flowing in reverse.)⦁ Mario: That should do it!⦁ Luigi: The water's goin' backwards!⦁ Mario: That's right! Now it's The Fountain of Age! Pure plumbing genius if I say so myself!⦁ (The babies run out of the castle and jump into the fountain. Toad places Princess into the fountain. The babies then return to their normal ages.)⦁ Princess: Wow! I forgot being a kid was so tough!⦁ Man 1: So did we! Look, we're grownups again! We can stay up 'til ten 'o clock! Yippee!⦁ (Later, Mario, Luigi, Princess and Toad are riding off on rocking Ostros.)⦁ Princess: If you guys ever give up plumbing, you'd sure make great babysitters!⦁ Mario: Princess, the only sitting I want to do is down to a big plate of pasta! (the four of them laugh as the episode ends)