Tommy Goes to School

Mr. Pickles: Season: 3 - Episode: 6

[incomplete & unfixed/messed]

[uptempo music playing]

Old Lady: Murderer! There’s a murderer right there.

Sheriff: Freeze, murderer. Oh, that’s just Garcia.

Old Lady: But he’s a murderer. He has "murder" tattooed on his face.

Sheriff: Oh, he’s no murderer. In fact, he’s my buddy. Right, Garcia? What’s up dude?

Garcia: Yeah. I got to go, Sheriff.

Sheriff: All right. I’ll see you at lunch later.
 * Hmm, looks like Garcia is a-
 * Rat!
 * Huh?
 * Get it off of me. Get it off of me.
 * Ow! Have a good day, now.

[opening]

Stanley Goodman: [reading newspaper] The school got a new flag.

Tommy Goodman: Um, what is school?

Stanley & Beverly: Uh-oh…
 * The school year started 6 months ago.
 * Why hasn’t Tommy been in school this whole time? Who are you again? I’m Principal Garcia, and this is my schoooool! Uh, we just had a lot going on.
 * Bye, Tommy.
 * Come on, Mr. Pickles.
 * Unh-unh-unh. No dogs allowed.
 * Dinosaurs lived either or 4,000 or 65 million years ago.
 * Both theories are equally valid.
 * Children! This is Tommy.
 * He doesn’t know anybody, so I know those bullies.
 * Hi, bullies! - Shut up, Pumpkin Head.
 * - Yeah Pumpkin.
 * Knock it off.
 * And remember, tonight is the 1st grade dance.
 * So, find that special someone, or live a life of despair.
 * Oh! That’s Suzie, the girl I like.
 * I’ll go to the dance with Suzie.
 * Tommy? I’ll decide who I dance with.
 * You’ve got a lot to learn, Tommy like how dinosaurs did exist and didn’t.
 * Both theories are equally valid.
 * She’ll never go to the dance with you, Tommy.
 * - Why not? - ‘Cause you’re a nobody.
 * Huh? [SCHOOL BELL RINGS] - See, you’re a nobody, like us - Hi.
 * The bottom of the social pyramid.
 * Suzie’s a regular kid, right in the middle.
 * She’ll never dance with you ‘cause you’re not at her level.
 * How do I become regular? You’d have to work your way up from a nobody to a freak Ha-ha.
 * Look at those nobodies.
 * Move, freaks, this is nerd turf.
 * Nerds to goths.
 * Headbangers.
 * We’re better than goths.
 * Headbangers to class clowns, to bullies, to magicians, to Who are they? The cool kids.
 * They’re the top of the social pyramid.
 * To get to their level, you have to go through the jocks, the preps, the robots Yeah, yeah, yeah.
 * I’m gonna ask Suzie to dance again.
 * - You can’t.
 * You’re a nobody.
 * - Suzie, hey.
 * It’s me again.
 * [laughs] Tommy, what are you, a bully? Yeah, that was awesome.
 * I now pronounce you "bully.
 * " Watch out bullies.
 * Well looky, looky here.
 * Nice office, Garcia.
 * What are you guys doing here? I told you, I’m done with the gang.
 * You got too much dirt on us BOTH: Yeah! And we know you’re buddy-buddy with the sheriff now.
 * - Yeah! - What? Sheriff just comes by school for lunch every day.
 * That’s all.
 * Well, as an insurance that you don’t rat us out, we need you to whack-a the sheriff.
 * - Yeah.
 * - What? I can’t do that.
 * But you still have "murder" tattooed on your face.
 * I’ve changed.
 * Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a dance to prepare for.
 * - Huh? - Dance? Who cares about a dance? It was 1st grade.
 * The girl I wanted to dance with left me, so I turned to a life of violence.
 * But I have left that life for the children.
 * Then whack-a the sheriff, or we’ll listen to all your dance music.
 * - No! - Pop all your balloons.
 * - No! - And drink all your punch.
 * No! Those are for the children! Now, children, there are all kinds of art.
 * Whee! Come on, Tommy, let’s pee on this goth’s art project.
 * Yeah, pull out mine, and I’ll pull out Tommy’s.
 * - No! - Tommy! I can’t believe you bullies.
 * Even this is art.
 * [imitates horse] Suzie, will you please dance with me? [BULLIES LAUGH] SUZIE: Tommy! You might be a bully, Tommy, but even this is art.
 * Suzie, wait.
 * I’m not a bully.
 * My science project.
 * Cool.
 * Come on, Tommy, cool kids to the front.
 * But I’m not cool.
 * - Whoa, Tommy, you look cool.
 * - Who wants Salisbury steaks? - Me, me.
 * - Sheriff Oh, sorry.
 * Cool kids first.
 * - Sheriff.
 * - Yeah, what’s up, dude? I need your help.
 * Some guys from my past want me to kill you.
 * Sorry, off duty, lunch break.
 * - Here you go.
 * - Oh, boy.
 * Mama always me a sculpture of Salisbusy steaks in the shape of my own head ‘cause Mama says I’m so yummy.
 * Oh, yes, I am.
 * So, how’s it feel to sit at the cool table? [indistinct chatter] This is nerd turf.
 * Dorks sit over there.
 * What would be cool is if Suzie would dance with me.
 * Cool kids don’t dance with regular kids.
 * - They’re beneath us.
 * - Maybe Tommy’s right.
 * What? I’ve already danced with the coolest girls.
 * I’ll pronounce Suzie cool and dance with her.
 * No! - Hey, regular kid.
 * - What? Will you dance with Hey! I wanted to dance with Suzie.
 * This calls for a Salisbury Steak Challenge.
 * - A what? - A Salisbury Steak Challenge.
 * It’s a tradition here at Old Town Elementary.
 * Whoever sticks the most Salisbury steaks to his face wins and gets to dance with Suzie.
 * But be careful.
 * Many years ago, a girl named Matilda was in a Salisbury Steak Challenge.
 * It gave her a zit that kept on growing.
 * It was so gross that she went into hiding.
 * And was never seen again.
 * Now, kids, clean up your trays.
 * Come on.
 * Move it.
 * Move it.
 * Move it.
 * Now, I did what you asked.
 * The sheriff is dead.
 * Damn.
 * You messed him up real bad.
 * - He’s barely recognizable.
 * - Now, we’re done here.
 * See yourself out.
 * I have a dance to prepare for.
 * Okay, bye.
 * Hey, where’s Johnny? Garcia must have killed him when we weren’t looking.
 * No, no.
 * I trust him.
 * After all, he did whack-a the sheriff.
 * I knew I smelled more Salisbury steaks.
 * They’re having a Salisbury Steak Challenge right now.
 * Yay!
 * Both: Hmm.
 * And Salisburys down.
 * Tommy wins the Salisbury Steak Challenge.
 * [cheering] Suzie, now will you dance with me? - No.
 * - Huh? I’m not some trophy to be won by sticking Salisbury steaks to your face.
 * I don’t care how cool you are and you’re really cool.
 * But I would be a nobody again just to dance with you.
 * Really? Now, I’ll go to the dance with you.
 * - Everybody, look.
 * - Huh? - Tommy, how could you? - What? Don’t worry, Suzie.
 * It’s cool.
 * Ew, Tommy.
 * That’s something I would never do.
 * This is for pushing me into the trash.
 * What? No.
 * Let me out.
 * Hello? Hello? Is somebody there? [screams] Oh, it was just a cat.
 * [screams] What are you? It was 1st grade.
 * I was in a Salisbury Steak Challenge over a boy named Toby I wanted to dance with, but I got a zit on my face That kept growing? You’re Matilda.
 * I’ve lived down here in shame ever since.
 * Nobody would dance with me.
 * I’m gross.
 * I would dance with you.
 * Really? Okay, I’m ready.
 * Ew.
 * Now, the perfect selfie will make your followers jealous, but also conceal the emptiness inside you.
 * Garcia: All 1st graders, head to to the 1st grade dance.
 * [CHEERING] Now, when we find Garcia, I want you to whack him.
 * - Whacky whack whack, okay? - Yoink.
 * Hey! What you do that for, huh? Huh.
 * Hey, where did you go, huh? Damn.
 * Welcome to the 1st grade dance It’s your boy, Sheriff I’m your chaperone Hey, let’s dance Let me see some dancing out there.
 * All: Whoa.
 * Look, Tommy’s gonna dance with a giant zit.
 * [laughs] - She’s a freak.
 * - She’s worse than a freak.
 * She’s a monster.
 * Crowd: [chanting] Monster. Monster.
 * Matilda: [crying]
 * Everybody, shut up! Huh? If there’s one thing I’ve learned today, it’s that it’s not right to judge people just ‘cause they’re different.
 * - Hey, what you doing? - They might be different Ah, ah, ah, ahh! But it’s what’s on the inside that matters.
 * Oh, hey! Matilda? Matilda, where were you all these years?
 * Toby Garcia? I wanted to dance with you, but I got a zit.
 * - Where’s my group? - Are you a cool kid? - No.
 * Are you a nerd? - We all look the same.
 * Because we are all the same, no matter if you got tattoos on your face or feet for hands.
 * We are one.
 * Now, dance together.
 * Why can’t we live together In there’s a world we share The world we share
 * I’m having fun dancing with you, Suzie.
 * - You, too, Tommy.
 * - Mr. Pickles can dance, too.
 * Hey, I told you, no dogs allowed.
 * Understanding long time gone Let’s come together Come together It feels like we’re