FinANTial Crisis

I am Lucy Jordan, reporting live from the headquarters of Z-Tech. Where, after revolutionizing the world of technology, CEO Zoltan Grundy has decided to revolutionize the world of education. By opening up a school for prodigies. And I'm here with some of the students. Hmm? So, you're a computer prodigy, right? Yes. And I have found out everything there is to know about Lucy Jordan. How about you? What's it like going to school here? - I think this school is wonderful. - Oh. Much like the new zPhone 5! With its many spectacular features and extra long battery life. Did Mr. Grundy ask you to say that? No, he did not. How about you? What's the best part about going to Z-Tech? That would be me! Lexi Reed! Yes, I am actually this beautiful. It's not a camera trick. Typical local news, doing a fluff piece about pampered, spoiled, entitled children like me. Disgusting. Okay, you haven't had a chance to ruin this segment, yet. - Can you tell me - I have a girlfriend! This is my girlfriend! I'm not sure that's newsworthy. Oh! If you knew me at all, you would know that's news! Even Fletcher has a girlfriend? I don't want to seem like a loser. I'm going to introduce you as my wife. What? So, tell me, how has technology been implemented into your curriculum? Purchase the zPhone 5 before April 15th and receive A zPhone 5. To answer your question, Lucy My wife and I enjoy the zPhone 5, which comes loaded with features including a high-resolution display, eye-tracking technology, and of course, the durability and reliability you would expect from a Z-Tech product. As the grieving widow, I just need to know, where to pick up my inheritance? Ooh, ooh. Ooh. Doo, doo. Ooh, ooh. Ooh. Doo, doo. Woo! Everybody's got that thing. Something different, we all bring. Don't you let 'em, clip your wings. You got it! You got it! We're on fire and we blaze, in extraordinary ways. 365 days. We got it! We got it! You can dream it. You can be it. If you can feel it, you can believe it! Because I am, you are, we are Exceptional. Exceptional! Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional. Exceptional! Ooh, ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh. Woo! The new zPhone 5 has exploded onto the scene. Literally. There are widespread reports that the defective cell phone's bursting into flames all over the country. As seen on this live satellite image of The United States. Hey, this is where we are. Grandma Dotty says hi. Chyna, your zPhone is ringing. - I know. - You should answer it. - It might explode. - I know. I'm calling you. Well, I don't know what's causing zPhones to explode, but the damage is done. Z-Tech is in financial ruins. I can't even afford to buy cool vintage rock and roll T-shirts anymore. I've been reduced to this. Things are so bad at Z-Tech that there are even reports that the furniture is being repossessed. That has to be an exaggeration. I don't think it is. Me next! Me next! Mr. Grundy, the bank is going to take away the entire building unless we take some serious cost-cutting measures. This from my wife who's always shopping. But don't worry. I thought of a way we can save money that is easy to do and will actually improve this place. Great! What is it? Getting rid of some of you students! What? I'm sorry, but the company can no longer afford to support all of you spoiled, pampered children. Don't forget entitled. Who has to leave? Ah, I don't know yet. But don't worry, the decision will be made in the fairest possible way. Ow! Come on, Fletcher! Let's go, Fletcher! Ow! I don't want to complain, but I don't think the wheel was the best way to decide who stays and who goes. Especially since Winter just kept spinning it until we were all chosen. Everybody, I have some good news. It looks like none of you has to leave. Really? That's great! How is that great? I've found a solution to our financial situation. And just in the nick of time. Because it's gotten to the point where I can't even afford shirts. Oh! Come on, man! There is, however, some bad news. The money has come from an anonymous investor who contacted my accountant. It was a last resort But I had to sell the company. But this is your company. You built it up from nothing. It's called Z-Tech. It is not Z-Tech anymore! Now it is H-Tech! Not now, Mr. Hashimoto. We're trying to figure out who the anonymous investor is! It's me! You think you can beat me at business, at karaoke, at break dancing! But who's laughing now? I am! You're terrible at break dancing! What's going to happen to our school? I intend to keep the school open. But I will be making some changes to the corporate structure. - You're going to fire people? - Yes. But don't worry, the decision will be made in the fairest possible way. How is this fair? Ow! Come on, Grundy! Let's go, Grundy! Ow! And this is where we keep our toxic waste. Or as some people call them, children. Next, let me show you my resume! I folded it into an origami frog. Not because I desperately need a job in management, but because I love all things Japanese. All things. Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Very impressive resume! I'm hiring you as my new Vice President of finance. And origami. Really? - That's wonderful! - Yes. All you have to do is sign this contract which I folded into an origami dragon. Dragon sound. Dragon sound. Dragon sound. Did I hear a dragon? These rooms are beautiful. This school has lavish suites, fine dining, a world class spa. How much is the tuition? Nothing. Mr. Grundy cared more about nurturing our talents than making money. What? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Well, then you've obviously never spoken to Fletcher. From now on, you all will be paying for the privilege of going to school at H-Tech. How are we supposed to afford that? By working in my new hotel. What new hotel? This one! This is brilliant! Especially the way you're using the kids to get free labor. Exactly. The obnoxious know-it-all is the concierge. Where can you find a restaurant? Well, the earliest restaurants were called Thermopolia, L-shaped food counters found in ancient Rome. There were small holes in the counters in which jars There is a hoagie shop on the corner! The girl inexplicably dating Fletcher works the front desk. You want a wake-up call? Here's a wake-up call. If we don't get off fossil fuels, this planet is doomed! Enjoy your stay! And because he is shaped like a bell, the bellboy. Yes, Mr. Hashimoto, Sir? Mr. Grundy? You're a bellboy? If I didn't take this job, Hashimoto was going to close the school. And for the record, I'm not shaped like a bell. I'm shaped like a bell pepper. Mr. Hashimoto, can we please, discuss this? No, I don't like you! Why? Because I beat you at karaoke? You didn't just beat him. You mopped the floor with him! And now I will mop the floor with her! You know that's just an expression. Okay. This area is done. I need the wet-floor sign. Coming. Everyone else is miserable, but we've got the best jobs. Working at the hotel spa. We get access to all sorts of cool stuff! Like this nail polish! And these stylish scarves! Those are used waxing strips. They're still stylish. What are you two doing? Put down that nail polish and that stylish scarf! You're here to work. This woman needs a facial and a pedicure. I got the facial. Feet are disgusting. What a day. I feel like I've been through the wringer. Oh! That reminds me. Careful. You're getting the floor all wet. Did someone say wet floor? Go away, Fletcher! I'm too tired to even change out of this thing. I am just getting right into bed. Olive, there is a Lady? In my bed? Mr. Hashimoto rented out our rooms, too? Where are we supposed to sleep? Sleeping tubes? This is ridiculous. Actually, sleeping tubes are common in Japan due to limited space. Of course, it does help that the average Japanese man weighs only 140 pounds. I can tell you the average British man weighs a bit more. I can't sleep. I keep dreaming I'm a roll of quarters. You just have to make the best of it. See, watch. Fletcher, wake up! What? Ow! This is outrageous. I specifically requested a Queen-sized tube. Well, at least I get to sleep next to my Sweetie. Aw. Thanks, cutie-pie. He meant me. And I'm up here. Wait. Angus, your sleeping tube is next to mine? Sleeping tube? I'm in the bathroom tube. That's it! We can't live like this. I'm going to go talk to Mr. Hashimoto! I'll come with you. No, I won't. The plan has gone perfectly! Great job sabotaging the zPhones so they would explode! No one suspects it was an inside job! Did he say what I think he said? I said, no one suspects it was an inside job! I said just call me back on a land line! I'll have the bellhop get your bags. Sorry I'm late. I had a little trouble getting out of bed this morning. I can't work here another minute. There's got to be something we can do. Well, there's lots of things to do in beautiful Palo Alto. May I suggest a hot air balloon ride over Silicon Valley? They leave every half hour from Byxbee Park. Great. Now I need a broom. I said a broom. Guys! Someone's done something terrible. That bathroom tube was clogged when I got in it. No! I overheard Mr. Hashimoto talking. The phones aren't defective. They were sabotaged! Mr. Hashimoto has a mole. He trained a small, burrowing varmint to sabotage phones? He's a diabolical genius! It's got to be someone incredibly intelligent, so it's not Fletcher. And it's got to be someone who can keep a secret, so it's not Olive. It's got to be someone who's willing to get their hands dirty, so it's not Lexi. It's got to be someone incredibly focused, so it's not Angus. Come on, guys, think. Who would stand to gain the most by bringing down Z-Tech? You know, Hashi I've been a loyal employee of your company for almost 36 hours now. I think I deserve a promotion. Maybe you could stop by later and we can discuss it. I'm in tube 104. Did you see that? Winter must be the mole! If she is, she'll never admit it. Mr. Hashimoto called the mole from the roof. So, if we check the call log on Winter's phone, we'll have the proof we need. How do we get her phone? She never puts it down. Too bad you're not her phone. She puts you down all the time. I'll take care of it. I know the one thing that no woman can resist. Calzones? No. A manicure. It's pronounced "manicotti". Okay, here's the plan. We do Winter's nails. And when they're wet, she'll be forced to put down her phone. Then we grab it and check the call log. It was so nice of you guys to offer me a manicure. Like most women, I would've preferred manicotti, but this is the next best thing. You deserve it, boss. Of course you won't be able to text while we're working on your hands. No problem. You know what would go well with your manicure? A pedicure! Sounds lovely. Mr. Grundy, this may come as a shock to you, but we think Mr. Hashimoto had Winter sabotage the zPhones. Wow. When you pretend marry someone, you think you can trust them. Unfortunately, we can't prove it. We tried everything. Spa treatments, Italian food Actually, it was just those two things. - Winter's coming! - Hodor. I can prove who did it! Why are you not mopping the restroom? We cannot afford another bad online review. I don't know who this Groltan Zundy is, but that two-star rating really hurt. Forget stars. You'll be getting stripes, when you're in Alcatraz! Chyna, that makes no sense. Mr. Hashimoto will be remanded to a working corrections facility, most likely Salinas Valley or possibly Chino Hills. Alcatraz hasn't been an operational prison since 1963, and is now under the purview of the National Park Service. I can set you up on a tour, leaving every hour from Pier 33. As I was saying a long time ago It turns out the zPhones exploded due to a virus that was uploaded from the saboteur's phone. I created a program that will identify the culprit's phone. So when I press this button It will send a signal to whoever sabotaged Z-Tech, causing his or her But in this case her phone to explode! Three Two One! We're all going to die! Kennedy? How could you? What? It wasn't me. My phone didn't explode. Yeah. Don't accuse Kennedy just because you're jealous she gets to be my girlfriend. Kennedy, I made up the whole thing about back tracing the virus. But if you weren't guilty, then you wouldn't have been afraid your phone was going to explode! - Why would you do this? - Because it was her duty. As my daughter. What? It is true! My name is not Kennedy. It is Kumiko. Kumiko Hashimoto! When Grundy first announced this school, I knew it was the perfect opportunity to infiltrate and gain your trust. So I can finally bring down Z-Tech! All she had to do was learn to speak with your ridiculous American accent. My car gets 11 miles per gallon. I like potato chips. So, everything we know about you is a lie? Well, it started that way, but I fell in love with this place and all of you. Especially me. No. That part is still fake. I didn't want to sabotage the zPhones, but my father made me. I'm sorry. You're finished, Hashimoto. I will retake control of Z-Tech, and my school and do everything in my power to lock you up in Salinas Valley Correctional Institution. Yeah! You'll never catch me! Because you Westerners are too lazy to run! He's getting away! After him! But he's all the way over there now. Yeah. That is pretty far. Oh! Well, we tried. He's fast. I got my company back, people are buying zPhones again, and I'm once again worth billions. In case you're hiring I've baked my resume into a shepherd's pie. Because I like all things British. All things. Ah! Everything is right with the world again. You're still stuck in a tube. And there's only one way you're gonna get out of there. In that case, there's only one thing I can do. You think anyone will notice? Notice what? Hmm.