Con Job

All right. Chores are done. Now can we do some dune-bashing? I don't know, Miko. Last time, I spent a week picking sand out of my articulators. Uh, but, there's a monster-truck rally in town. Optimus I'm receiving a signal on a restricted band. It appears to be coming from a starship inside this solar system. It's an autobot identification beacon. So there are other bots out there? The masses scattered to the galaxies when Cybertron finally went dark, but cons have been known to bait traps with false beacons. Unknown vessel, this is autobot outpost omega one. Identify yourself. I've had warmer welcomes from Decepticon combat brigades. Wheeljack?! You old con crusher! What are you doing all the way out here? Bulkhead? That you? What's with all the security? The rock we're on is crawling with cons. How soon can you get here and even the odds? Sometime tomorrow if I put metal to the pedal. Another bot's coming here. How cool is that! Wheeljack -- I know of him by reputation only. Can you verify his voiceprint? He is 1,000% the real deal, Optimus. We will send landing coordinates, Wheeljack. Safe journey. See you soon, buddy. I'll make sure you get a proper welcome. So, who's the boyfriend? Me and Jackie go way back. We were part of the same war unit, the wreckers, which means the cons are gonna wish he never found us. Wheeljack?! What are you doing all the way out here? Bulkhead? That you? What's with all the security? The rock we're on is crawling with cons. A war hero, hmm? We haven't much time. Makeshift! The rock we're on is crawling with cons. How soon can you get here and even the odds? Sometime tomorrow if I put metal to the pedal. See you soon, buddy. I'll make sure you get a proper welcome. I, too, know how to prepare a proper welcome. Wheeljack's ship is approaching the landing zone. You think he's here to visit? Maybe he'll stay! Hmm. Have to find his own human, though. Ground bridge cycling up. Blasted scraplets! Equipment hasn't been the same since the infestation. So, wheeljack's gonna land halfway around the world and then you'll bridge him here? We can't risk revealing the location of our base just in case the Decepticons are tracking wheeljack's ship. Dude, I've never seen you so stoked! Oh, you're gonna love Wheeljack. We were like brothers. And tonight we are gonna party! Sweet! Bogies closing fast on wheeljack's position. Con scum! If you're trying to ruin my day You're gonna have to try harder. You cons have gone soft on me. Swiftly, before the autobots arrive. Open the bridge, Ratchet! We're missing all the action! I'll prepare sick bay. Who for? The cons? This is Wheeljack we're talking about. I taught him that. Ever think I might need a hand here? What, and spoil the show? You missed one. If this is all you got, the planet's in bigger trouble than I thought. Jackie! What's to finish, you old wrecking ball? Jackie, come here. Meet my other best buddy, Miko. She can wreck with the best of us. Hiya. You keeping bulkhead out of trouble? I try, but trouble finds us anyway. We're gonna get along just fine. Optimus prime, it's a privilege. Likewise, soldier. What have you to report from your long journey? Been bouncing from rock to rock searching for signs of friend or foe. Now I find both. We are few, but strong. We have suffered losses But we have grown. And we would relish welcoming a new member into our fold. I would be honored. Then let's get this party started! Oh, joy. The moment makeshift passed through that ground bridge, we lost his tracking signal. The autobot base is no doubt heavily shielded to prevent us from locating it. Ah, no matter. I have complete faith in makeshift. Our inside man is already inside. Tell Megatron he's fragged in the head if he thinks bulkhead won't sniff out an imposter. Haven't you heard? I lead the Decepticons now. You?! Ha! Yes! Yes, he may yet be of use. Makeshift is very good at keeping up appearances. He need only fool your friends long enough to open their ground bridge from within so that I may finally learn the location of the autobot base and send in my strike team to stain its floor with the spilled energon of Optimus prime. Come on, Jackie. Show me what you got. Nice lob. So, what's that about? It's called lobbing, the favorite pastime on Cybertron, especially among the warrior class. Come on, raf! Show us some moves! Oh, all right. Of course -- The robot. W-where's Optimus? Went for a drive. Primes don't party. Coming at ya! You know, I am attempting to perform sensitive calibrations here! Sorry, doc. Guess we're a little charged up. You built this bridge from scratch, huh? I did. That's quite a feat of engineering. Yes, it is. Something wrong with it? I didn't care for the way it sounded this last jump. I put it in shut-down. What if you need to use it? Ohh, I can't disrupt the defrag process without causing irreparable damage. So, uh, how long will the defrag take? A few hours, if we're lucky. M-maybe longer. Makeshift still hasn't opened their ground bridge or otherwise transmitted their coordinates. His disguise may be flawless, but he won't fool the autobots forever. So there we were -- No communications, low on energon, surrounded by cons. So, what does Wheeljack do? Tell them, Jackie. Well What I do best. He Chucks his only grenade smack into the primary heat exchanger. Yeah, seemed like a good idea at the time. The joint went supernova! Awesome! Yeah, I'm still picking shrapnel out of my backside. I'm not surprised given the size of your backside. There it is, Jackie's signature -- One grenade, one shot. Hey, you all right? What? You don't seem like yourself. Well, what do you mean? I don't know. You seem quiet. Aw, I've been stuck in a can too long. I should go topside before I get stir-crazy. I have patrol in the morning. You can come with. Let's go now. And break up the party? Come on! The gang's loving you! You got to tell them about the battle of Darkmount Pass! You tell them. You're better at it. How about if Miko here shows me the rest of your base? Well, yeah, sure, Jackie. Hey, go ahead. Tour starts now. Do you play any instruments? Can you fly? Have you thrashed more Decepticons than bulkhead? You all right? Yeah, just Out of sorts, I guess. Don't tell me you're jealous. That Miko's making a new friend? Come on. Something Something's just not right about Wheeljack. Bulkhead, really? He's traveled galaxies. You haven't seen him for centuries. He could just be rocket-lagged or Well, bots do change, you know? Not Jackie. You're not going anywhere, autobot. Blah, blah, blah. So, that's pretty much it. Energon stockpile, power generator, armory -- Everything you need to blow the joint sky high. Where's this bunker located exactly? If I told you, I'd have to rip out your spark chamber. Kidding! Just outside Jasper, Nevada, though I don't expect that to mean too much to you. Can't say it does. So, uh, any way out of here besides bridging? Why? You're not planning to leave already, are you? Come on. I'll show you. Almost there. Look, I know Wheeljack better than anyone. Hey. What are you guys talking about? I was just telling the guys all about you and me at the battle of darkmount pass. That's a heck of a story. Yep. Tell it. Talk, talk, talk. How about after we go off-roading? Miko! Stay out of this! Bulkhead, easy. I'm not sure I -- Tell it! Fine. You want to live in the past, bulkhead? The wreckers were trapped between a Decepticon patrol and the smelting pit. The cons were vicious, bearing down on us with everything they had. Me and bulkhead engaged the enemy, left them for scrap, then I made us a way out using their backsides as stepping-stones to cross the molten metal. Isn't that how it happened? Yeah. That's exactly how it happened. Except for one little thing. I wasn't there. What? I'd already left the wreckers to join up with Optimus, but you wouldn't know that if all you did was access wheeljack's public-service record. Bulkhead, what does that have to do with -- Ahh! Miko! Stay back, or I'll squeeze her into pulp. Wheeljack, what are you doing? Decepticon coward! Let the girl go and face me! Don't fret. Plenty of fighting to come. Is there a real Wheeljack? Oh, indeed, and I expect lord Starscream is making sport of him. Are you certain we are at the coordinates you supplied to makeshift? Then, what is taking him? Maybe they gave your boy such a hero's welcome, he got the warm and fuzzies and decided to switch sides. Do you not see that you are vastly outnumbered? I see fellas who might vastly enjoy watching me pound some dents into you. Destroy him! About time. Well, well. Let's get this party started. I'd shut that hole before the stink comes through. Enter the ground bridge now! Ugly's mine. Which one is the real Wheeljack? Uh, I lost track! That's my Jackie. You, hit the switch. It's time to take out the trash. All yours, buddy. What are you waiting for?! Go! Nice lob. Please tell me that you at least learned the location of their base! Indeed, lord Starscream. I-it is in a hidden bunker just outside of -- Back, back, back! Oh, no. Makeshift! You fool! It's like a recurring nightmare. Now that you're part of team prime, we need to pick out a vehicle mode for you. I have some ideas. Uh, about that, bulk -- Now that my ship's repaired, I'm itching to know what else I might find out there. Wait. You're leaving? Why? Because some bots never change. Wheeljack, know that you'll always have a haven here. Jackie never stays, but he always comes back. There's room for two, bulk, even with a backside like yours. Who knows who we might find out there -- Some of the old crew? Heh. It sounds like fun, Jackie. But my ties are here now with them With her. If anything happens to my favorite wrecker, I'm coming after you. I'll take good care of him. Now, say "cheese. "