The Night Before Cave Christmas

The Night Before Cave Christmas

Submitted by Hip

(Mario, Luigi, Princess, Yoshi, and Oogtar are at a picnic in Dome City. Yoshi and Oogtar are fighting over a rack of ribs.)

Yoshi: Hey, this Yoshi's barbeque mammoth rib!

Oogtar: No way, dino breath, is Oogtar's!

Yoshi: Is so!

Oogtar: Is not!

(Mario walks up to them.)

Mario: Stop it, you two, there's plenty for both of you!

(The rack breaks in half. Some sauce gets all over Mario, while Yoshi swallows his piece with his tongue and Oogtar munches on his.)

Mario: Yeow!

(Mario wipes off the sauce.)

Mario: Oogtar's impossible! All he does all day is squabble with Yoshi!

Luigi: It's not just him, look!

(Luigi points around to other cave people arguing with each other.)

Princess: It's like Oogtar's started an epidemic! We've gotta do something! Maybe if we can get Oogtar to be nicer, it might rub off on the others.

Mario: You know how everyone gets nice to each other around the holidays?

Oogtar: My corn!

(An already been chewed cob of corn flies at Luigi, who ducks and barely misses it.)

Luigi: Yoew! Hey, you mean like Christmas? You popped your plunger, big brother, it's the middle of August!

Yoshi: My corn!

(Mario dodges a cob of corn like Luigi just did.)

Mario: We're in Dinosaur World, Luigi. We can have a Christmas anytime we want. The cave people don't know it doesn't come in the summer.

Oogtar: My corn!

Yoshi: My corn!

Mario: We'll call it Cave Christmas!

Yoshi: What that?

Mario: It's a day when everyone's nice to each other!

Oogtar: Ooga boring, man!

Mario: And kids get lots of treats!

Yoshi: Ooh! Neat treats!

Oogtar: Hmm, getting better...

Mario: And there's this nice guy named Santa Claus, who brings presents to all the kids who've been good!

Oogtar: Only good kids?

Mario: That's right, Oogtar!

Oogtar: Dino bummer, dude!

(Later, Mario has just put a wreath on a building, with some cave people watching.)

Mario: Merry Cave Christmas, everyone!

(The cave people cheer. Koopa pokes his head out of a nearby garbage can.)

Koopa: Cave Christmas? What's that pipesqueezer up to now, it's the hottest day of the year!

(Cut to a forest. Mario and a caveman are sawing a pine tree. Oogtar picks some berries from another tree and tosses them down to Princess. Mario and the caveman saw through the tree and it falls down. Koopa is with Bully, and they're spying from a bush under the tree Oogtar's in.)

Koopa: See, Bully? They're cutting a Christmas tree!

Bully: I want one, King Dad!

(Some berries fall onto the Koopas' heads. Oogtar swings past them on a vine. Cut to Dome City at night. Princess places a candy cane on a small Christmas tree, but Yoshi gobbles it up. She places a second one on the tree but doesn't let go. Yoshi grabs it, but Princess is still holding it.)

Princess: Remember, Yoshi, Santa Claus only brings presents to good children!

(Yoshi lets go of the candy cane. He then spits out a bunch more and they land on the tree. Koopa and Bully peak out of the garbage can again.)

Bully: This Santa Claus only brings presents to good children? What kind of wimp is he?

Koopa: Don't worry, Bully. I have a plan.

(A dinosaur walks by, picks up the trash can, and throws the contents, including the Koopas, into a crate strapped to his back. The next day, Mario, Luigi, and Princess are inside, tinkering with toys at a table. Oogtar pops his head out of a Jack-in-the-box.)

Oogtar: Oogtar want!

(Oogtar goes back in at the last second as Luigi approaches the Jack-in-the-boxes.)

Luigi: Oogtar, I know you're there!

(Luigi opens several boxes before finding Oogtar.)

Oogtar: Ooga woah!

Oogtar jumps into a box of dolls, trying to hide, but Luigi picks him up.)

Luigi: Out!

(Luigi takes Oogtar outside, tosses him away, and closes the door. Princess tosses some toys into a big red sack.)

Princess: All these toys! I can't wait to see all those happy children on Cave Christmas morning!

(Koopa looks in through the window.)

Koopa: You're gonna wait a long time, Princess! Cuz these toys are going to my Koopa Kids on Koopa Christmas morning! *laugh*

(Cut to dusk. Mario and Luigi push a sleigh made out of stone outside of the workshop.)

Mario: Ah, Cave Christmas Eve! Just like back home in Brooklyn, huh Luigi?

Luigi: Uh, not exactly.

(They walk back inside. Oogtar, who's been spying from behind a tree, walks in after them. The Bros. walk into another room, while Oogtar goes to the sack of toys in the main room and opens it.)

Oogtar: Before Santa visit goody-two-foots, Oogtar get best toys! *laugh*

(Just as Oogtar's about to look in the sack, he hears footsteps and sees a Koopa's shadow. He jumps into the sack.)

Oogtar: Dinobunga! Oogtar get caught!

(Koopa walks up to the bag.)

Koopa: Are those cave kids gonna whimper when they find out I kooped all their toys? *laugh*

(Oogtar is shivering, but Koopa grabs the sack without noticing him.)

Koopa: Merry Koopa Christmas boys and girls!

(Koopa leaves. In the next room over, Mario is with Luigi and Princess and has just put on a Santa beard and hat.)

Mario: So, what do you think?

Luigi: Uh, don't try wearing it in Brooklyn!

(Mario chuckles and looks into the main room.)

Mario: The toys, they're gone!

(They run into the main room, gasp, and look around. Princess picks up a small little green thing.)

Princess: And I know who stole them! Koopa! Look, here's one of his scales!

Mario: Why that contemptible corpuscle! This is low, even for Koopa!

Princess: What are you gonna do?

Mario: Only one thing to do! Go to Neon Castle and get them back!

(Cut to night. Mario is riding the sleigh through the sky, courtesy of Yoshi with wings. Cut to Neon Castle.)

Koopa: My Koopalings will be so happy when they see all the wonderful presents I stole for them!

(Koopa empties the sack next to a cheap Christmas tree. Oogtar comes out with all the toys.)

Koopa: You? What are you doing in my bag of toys, cave creep?

Oogtar: Your bag? These my toys, Koopa dude!

Koopa: Wrong, prehistoric punk, they're mine!

(Oogtar picks up a present and starts unwrapping it.)

Oogtar: Yeah? Watch this, scale brain!

(Koopa tries to grab it from Oogtar.)

Koopa: Give it back, that's for Bully!

Oogtar: Mine now!

(Koopa lets go and Oogtar flies back into a pole. Oogtar opens the box. There's a Bob-omb inside and it starts its fuse.)

Oogtar: Ooga bumba! Give Bob-omb to own kids?

(Oogtar tosses the box to Koopa.)

Oogtar: Glad you not my dad!

Koopa: Stop, you're not supposed to go off 'til Christmas-

(It blows up in Koopa's face.)

Koopa: Morning.

(Oogtar points at Koopa and laughs. Koopa gets mad and chases after Oogtar.)

Oogtar: Uh oh, Koopa flip lizard lid!

(Koopa grabs Oogtar. Later, in the dungeon, he has Oogtar tied to a vine and suspends him over a pit with a hungry dinosaur. Koopa lowers Oogtar down slowly with a crank.)

Oogtar: Oogtar no want be dino food!

(Koopa places a candle underneath the vine near the crank. The flame slowly starts to burn away the vine.)

Koopa: Have a Merry Cave Christmas, bone brain! Remember, Oogtar spelled backwards is Ratgoo! *laugh*

Oogtar: Help! Oogtar sorry, help!

(Mario and Yoshi land outside the castle and can hear Oogtar from inside.)

Oogtar: Dinobunga, help!

Yoshi: *gasp* Sound like Oogtar!

(Mario and Yoshi run over to a basement window and see Oogtar. The vine is burned almost all the way through and Oogtar is still screaming.)

Mario: Oogtar! He's gonna be dino dessert if we don't save him!

(They run over to a bigger window. Mario pulls out a lizard and sticks its head between the bars of the window. It opens its mouth and pushes the bars to the side. Mario tries to get through but gets stuck.)

Mario: Give Santa a push!

(Yoshi pushes Mario.)

Yoshi: Santa need go on diet!

Mario: Santa is not going on a diet! Push harder!

(Yoshi backs up. He turns his head and sees a Boo Buddy.)

Yoshi: G-g-ghost! Yah!

(Yoshi runs to the window and pushes Mario and himself through it.)

Mario and Yoshi: Whah?

(The song Rockin' with the Sleighbells starts up.)

Rockin' with the sleighbells The whole night through Nothing could be nicer than being with you Everyone is dancing The music's so fine Been rockin' with the sleighbells Have a swinging time Rockin' with the sleighbells The whole night through Nothing could be nicer than being with you Everyone is dancing The music's so fine Been rockin' with the sleighbells Have a swinging time Rockin' with the sleighbells All night and day Go look out the window It's Santa's sleigh Jingle bells are ringing We're feelin' okay Been rockin' with the sleighbells Happy holidays (yeah)

(Mechakoopas approach them. Mario jumps on Yoshi and they jump on top of some of the Mechakoopas and run down a hall. Three Thwomps try to crush them, but fail. Mario and Yoshi enter a room with platforms and doors. They jump onto a platform, a Dry Bones throws a bone at them but Mario and Yoshi dodge it by jumping onto a moving block which takes them into a pipe. They come out in another room where Chargin' Chucks bombard them with baseballs. Mario jumps off Yoshi and hits three ? Blocks, the last one contains a Feather which makes him Cape Mario. Mario jumps back on Yoshi and they fly through another pipe which leads to the room Oogtar is in. The song ends. The flame has just finished burning its way through the vine, but Mario grabs the vine and prevents Oogtar from falling in. The two of them are now suspended by the pulley. Mario grabs Oogtar and brings him to the floor with his cape, which disappears in a puff of smoke when he lands.)

Oogtar: Way go, Santa Claus!

Mario: You've got some explaining to do!

Oogtar: No time! Must go bed like good cave kid! Wait for Santa bring-

(Mario grabs Oogtar.)

Mario: Presents? Haven't you opened all of Santa's presents already?

Oogtar: Me sorry. Oogtar not been good.

Yoshi: Not been good? Oogtar been bad!

Oogtar: Yoshi no angel either! Oogtar promise be good cave boy for rest of life! Cross Oogtar heart!

Mario: And cross Oogtar's fingers too!

(Oogtar uncrosses his fingers, which he had hid behind his back.)

Oogtar: How Santa know?

Mario: Santa was a bambino, er uh, boy once himself, Oogtar!

(Later, Mario leaves Neon Castle carrying the sack of toys, which he throws into the sleigh. He sits down next to Oogtar and grabs the reigns.)

Mario: Step on it, Yoshi!

Yoshi: No can do! Yoshi no got wings!

Mario: Right, wings! Hold on little buddy!

(Mario runs over to a wall. He hits a few blocks until Yoshi Wings pop out. Yoshi grabs them with his tongue and they're now on his back. Mario sits down in the sleigh.)

Bully (from inside): When I get my claws on Santa, I'll turn him into Christmas pudding!

Mario: Quick Yoshi! Or we may never get out of here!

(Yoshi flaps his wings and takes off just as the Koopas run out of the castle. Cut to Oogtar's home. Mario, Yoshi, and Oogtar walk inside.)

Mario: Alright, into bed Oogtar, before Yoshi loses his wings! We still have presents to deliver all over Dome City!

(Oogtar is now in bed.)

Oogtar: Me know Oogtar bad, cuz Santa big trouble! No deserve present! But Oogtar thankful Santa save me from dinosaur! That present enough!

Mario: Why Oogtar, this isn't like you!

Oogtar: 'Course, if Santa want leave Oogtar present, Oogtar be very happy!

(Oogtar falls asleep as Mario runs outside. He returns with a present and places it on Oogtar's chair. Mario gets back on the sleigh and they fly off. Cut to the next morning. Mario is at home sleeping. Oogtar walks in with a gift.)

Oogtar: Santa no leave present for Mario! Oogtar play Santa!

(Oogtar places the present on a block as Mario wakes up.)

Mario: Oogtar?

Oogtar: Merry Cave Christmas, Mario dude!

Mario: Wouldn't it be nice if every day were Christmas?

(Mario winks.)

The End