Return of the Kyber Saber

[cheering] PALPATINE: Ah, Empire Day! A time when we all set aside our daily drudgeries and pause to reflect on the greatness of me! Happy Empire Day. Yay, me! Yay, presents! Give them to me now! Gimme, gimme, gimme! "Galaxy's Best Emperor. " "Best"? Vader, I'm the galaxy's only emperor. So saying I'm "the best" isn't saying much, now, is it? Well, from a certain point of view Oh, don't give me that Kenobi rubbish! Want to give me a real gift? I've got a report of the Rebels gathering near Mygeeto. - Go check on that! - [sighs] Fine. [cup shatters] What I really want is the Kyber Saber! Where is it? Where's Naare?! Master, I've located the last Kyber Saber crystal. I'm en route to it now. Okay, okay. Good, good. I like where this is going. But is there a catch, hmm? Can this possibly go wrong in any way whatsoever? - No. - The Rebels can't stop us? - No. - Skywalker? - No. - How about that boy? Rodan? Rogan? R [babbling] Rowan. And no, he can't stop us. - Nobody can. - Splendid. This will be an Empire Day to remember! [happy babbling] Ugh. Really? What? Was there a sale? [title music] 1x13 - "Return of the Kyber Saber" [music] - Is he - He is. [grunting] [grunts] Incredible. Rowan! Are you okay? Yeah, just not used to focusing for that long. It's a new thing for me. You did it, little brother! Now we can go after Naare. Except we'll never get to her before she finds that last crystal. Maybe. But that's not my plan. - This is the place. - Naare, before you go in there, ask yourself, is this who you really are? An evil Sith? Or are you just a misunderstood soul who's never learned to love herself? Mmm nope. Evil. Ow! There. The final Kyber Saber crystal! [music] Oh, the power. It's like nothing I've ever felt before. Oh, I like this! And I most certainly do not. And then Naare will hand the Kyber Saber right to me. Rowan, you know that's crazy, right? Extremely, ridiculously crazy. We're three kids talking about the entire fate of the galaxy, so this was crazy from the get-go. I guess we play the hand we're dealt? Fine. But first we're gonna deal ourselves a wild card. [evil laughing] It's magnificent! Exhilarating! I've never felt so powerful! [maniacal laughing] [comlink buzzing] Naare! Where's my Kyber Saber? I want to wipe out the rebellion with that thing before dinner. And everybody else I don't like. What's the name of that guy in accounting I don't like? Is it Paul? Or Pete? Hey, wait a moment. Is that are you using my Kyber Saber? I wouldn't even let Vader touch it, never mind a second-rate Sith like you! My dear Emperor, I am holding the most powerful weapon in the galaxy. So let me ask you this Why should I give it to you?! Uh, gonna go with blind loyalty? I-Is this a trick question? I will bring you the Kyber Saber, Master. And then I will use it to tear you into a thousand pieces! Um [pops lips] Naare, I might not have chosen my words as carefully as I should have. Saying it back in my head, yeah, I-I can see where When I arrive on Coruscant, I will no longer be your servant. I will be your empress! A-ha. This might be a problem. ROWAN: Empire Day. Half the galaxy is here. ZANDER: You think it's gonna be a problem getting into the Imperial Palace? [music] KORDI: Yeah. It's gonna be a problem. Listen, I'm on board with the overall plan, but I just want to go on record saying I'm not excited about this part. The Empire is on the ground and in the sky. - So underground is the only way. - Rowan, do it. ZANDER: Ugh! The smells! Work for us. Not even stormtroopers could stand this stench. But droids don't have noses! - Whoa! - I've got this! [whimpering] [powering down] Zander? You okay? Who knew saving the galaxy would be this glamorous? [music] Oh! How cute. A welcoming committee. [laughing] The Emperor never appreciated my skills. But look at me now. [evil chuckling] Yeah, the Emperor's gonna "love" you. Come on! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! His lack of fear sometimes worries me. Join the club. Let's go, Zander. Oh. Don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look - [screaming] Down! - KORDI: Zander! [screaming continues] Huh? [grunting] [chuckling] Thanks, Rowan. [music] Isn't this exciting, Roger? - You're a witness to history! - Yeah. And I'd give anything for a pair of hands to cover my eyes. Whoa! [sinister laughing] Oh, why did stupid Vader decide he had to go to Mygeeto now? Master. I've located the Rebel fleet and I am about to crush - Never mind that! Get back to Coruscant! - But I - Hurry! - [sighs] Fine. Okay, we're in. - So far, so - Hey! What are you doing here? You know, normally I'd try to dazzle you two with some fancy double talk, but today we just don't have time. [both groaning] What? We're on a timetable. So [Palpatine's voice] How do I look? - Um - What? It worked on Naboo. Yeah. But those guys were certified laserbrains. And Naare is anything but. You're next, Palpatine! We've analyzed her attack, sir, and there is a danger. Should we have your ship standing Do I look like Grand Moff Tarkin to you? Heck yes, we should evacuate! Get me out of here! ZANDER: Okay, phase two. To get the Emperor out of his throne room, we'll call in a Rebel attack, or fire, or some kind of Emergency! Comin' through! Waah! You guys think of everything! Ha-ha! A decoy! The old Amidala switcheroo, eh? [laughs] Brilliant. "Decoy"? Guys? I don't think you need to call in anything. - Palpatine left all on his own. - Huh. Things are going our way. For once. [gasps] She's here. Wait! Could you flip me over? I can't see anything. What? What? [screaming] How's the view now? Actually, I like what I see. Roger! You're here! Oh! Yeah, but bad news Uh, Naare has the Kyber Saber. Good news Rowan disguised himself as the Emperor to take it from her. Yep. Naare's gonna hand it right to him. Yeah, that's not quite what's gonna happen. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. [Palpatine's voice] Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. Ah, Naare! At last, you're here. At last. And you have the Kyber Saber? I do indeed. Then let's get this over with! Yes. Let's. I've been waiting a long time for this. So have I. Destroying you will be a pleasure. Yes Wait, what?! [laughing] Run, Your Highness! Run! [gasping] Rowan? You're still alive? Where's the Emperor? Are you working with him? "Still alive. " I don't know. - And ew, never! - Well, it hardly matters. If there's one person in the galaxy I'd rather blast to dust, it's you! Prepare to become one with the Force, Rowan Freemaker! [screams] [laughing] Yes! Didn't see that coming, did ya, Naare? [laughing] What's this? You fellas are doing a heck of a job! Keep it up! Yahoo! ZANDER: Okay! This plan is going even wronger than usual! [screaming] None can withstand my power! I declare myself empress of the galaxy! - No way! - You can't just crown yourself ruler! Yeah! Exactly. Palpatine's our guy! Well, not saying that, but Perhaps you didn't hear me. I am your empress! [screaming] And I will not be questioned! Aaah! No! I still have money to spend! [music] Is this the afterlife? I'll be honest, I'm a little underwhelmed. Rowan, come in! Rowan! He's not answering. [maniacal laughing] [grunting] ZANDER: Last stop. Everyone out. Rowan, are you there? This has gone all wrong. We've got to get off this planet now! ZANDER: Before Naare rips it apart! I am the ultimate power in the universe! [evil laughing] Guys, I can't leave. I'm the only one who can stop her. KORDI: Rowan, you can't - Naare! - Rowan? You have more lives than a Loth-cat. Wait! I need to tell you something. - Those crystals called to me. - I know that. But here's what you don't know. - I can call to them too! - What? What are you doing? No! [music] No, no, no! [music] No! No! It's a little trick I learned on Hoth. [angry screaming] Now I'm the ultimate power in the universe. And I'm only 12! No! No! No! No! The Kyber Saber is wasted on you! Wasted? How should I use the saber, Naare? Should I use it to take revenge on you, the monster who hurt my family?! [gasping] Is that what I should do, Naare?! Is it?! PALPATINE: Yes. Yes! Do it, boy. Destroy her! Then give me the Kyber Saber and join me on the dark side. You'll get your own Darth name, hmm? How 'bout "Darth Heinous. " Huh? That grab ya? That's not me. I'm a Freemaker. And you can't have this! [music] Bye! After them! - Hang on! - With what? I've got no hands! We can't outrun those TIE fighters in this crate. - Then it's time to play our wild card. - Yes, it is. Is that another ship? Whoo! I'm Zander Freemaker, the "fastest pilot in the galaxy" guy! And if you want the Kyber Saber, you'll have to catch me! [laughing] He has my saber! Get that ship! Yes, yes, get that ship! Zappity-zappity! [sighs] I'll deal with you later. [chuckling] These bucketheads are so easy to fool. ZANDER: Rowan, you rebuilt the Blazemaker into the ship of my dreams! - Nice work, little brother! - Okay, kiddo. Now we need our disguise. Time for one more build. One more build. [music] Hey, guys, you know what the funny part is? I'm not even going full throttle. [laughing] It's been fun, fellas. I'll see you on the other side of the galaxy! Whoo! No! Get his family! Get the other ship! MAN: Acknowledged. All fighters, locate the craft designated StarScavenger! Sir? I'm not seeing it on my scope. Where did it go? It must be here somewhere! KORDI: Good job, Rowan. They'll never find us now. Whew. Ow! Any chance we could get me a body? [beeping] Keep searching! Starships don't simply vanish into thin air! MAN: I'm sorry, sir! We can't find any ships that fit the profile. [chuckling] - Hyah! - Wha Hello, partner. We have a little unfinished business. I'm back. What did I miss? Nice of you to join us, Vader. My Kyber Saber is gone! I want Rowan Freemaker declared public enemy number one! Um, sir. You had Luke Skywalker declared public enemy number one. Fine. Number two then. That is Princess Leia Organa. - Three! - Han Solo. Four! Five! Six! Chewbacca, Lando Calrissian, R2-D2. - Just put him on that list! - Yes, sir. [whistles] [sighs] - We still have the second Death Star. - [scoffs] Yeah. I guess. Whatever. Pfft. Dumb Naare ruined everything. Say, where is she anyway? Uh, a little to the left. No, the left. There's only one left! There, and bingo, don't touch it! You know, I gotta hand it to him. Every now and again, Jabba has a great idea. ZANDER: Are you sure about this, Rowan? You could do a lot of good with that saber. Maybe. But Master Kantoo was right. Nobody should have this much power. A hero knows when to lay down his weapon. ZANDER: Um, guys, what coordinates am I putting in the nav computer? I mean, we're wanted in every civilized system in the galaxy. Uncivilized too. We can't go home to the Wheel. Again. Guys, wherever we are, as long as we're together, we're home. [loud chiming] Attention, unidentified ship. Are you carrying Rowan Freemaker? Um that's me. We've been scouring the galaxy for you, young man. - One question. - Yes? [clears throat] Do you want a job? [music] A paying job?