Save the Date

''[The episode begins with Lincoln at school sitting with his friends at the lunch table trying to get something out of his pants. It eventually comes out, and it's a sloppy joe with a note on it.]''

CLASSMATE #4: (reading the note) Happy Sloppy Joe Tuesday, Lame-o. Signed, Ronnie Anne. (he says her name with flair)

CLASSMATE #3: And there's a heart!

CLASSMATES #1, #2, #3, #4, #5 AND CLYDE: Oooooooo! Lincoln's got a girlfriend!

LINCOLN: What?! No I don't.

CLASSMATE #3: When's the wedding day, Lincoln?

[The classmates, including Clyde, laugh.]

LINCOLN: Ha-ha. Very funny, guys.

CLASSMATES: 🎶 Ronnie and Lincoln sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. 🎶 [they start laughing again]

LINCOLN: Guys, Ronnie Anne is NOT my girlfriend. She's rude and gross and totally annoying. I'd rather lick the bathroom floor than kiss that weirdo.

''[A gasp is heard, and it turns out it came from Ronnie Anne. Lincoln turns around and is shocked to see her.]''

LINCOLN: Ronnie Anne!

[Ronnie is at first shocked but then puts on an angry scowl and storms out of the lunch room with her food tray in her hands.]

CLYDE: Whoa, Lincoln, I think you really hurt her feelings.

LINCOLN: C'mon, Clyde, Ronnie Anne is the toughest girl at school. She'll be fine.

[Later that day, Lincoln comes home after school.]

LORI: YOU MONSTER! [she screams, throwing a tissue box at Lincoln]

LINCOLN: Ow! What was that for?

LORI: You made Ronnie Anne CRY!

LINCOLN: Cry? I didn't mean to! Wait, how do you know?

[Lori tries to aim a teddy bear at Lincoln.]

LORI: Bobby told me... [starts to cry] RIGHT BEFORE HE BROKE UP WITH ME!!

LINCOLN: What? Why does Bobby care? [Lori tries to aim a couch cushion at Lincoln; she opens a photo album showing a picture of Bobby and Ronnie Anne together]

LORI: Because Bobby is literally Ronnie Anne's brother! He said he could never date someone related to someone who hurt someone he's related to! Or something like that!

LINCOLN: Ronnie Anne has a brother? I thought she was raised by trolls.

[Lori throws a bunch of CDs in rapid fire fashion; Lincoln shields himself with the cushion]

LORI: D'AAAAHH!! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT BOBBY WAS TALKING ABOUT!

{Lori chases after Lincoln, who hides behind the chair; he trips, and Lori catches him and holds him up by his shirt]

LORI: You have to make things right with Ronnie Anne!

LINCOLN: Okay! Okay! I'll call her right now and apologize! (picks up the phone)

LORI: NO! (hangs up the phone) Nuh-uh! Actions speak louder than words! Bobby has to see you being nice to her. That's the only way he'll get back together with me! Which is why we're going on a double date!

LINCOLN: WHAT?!

LORI: It's all been arranged! We have a reservation at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet at six! AND YOU! WILL MAKE HER! FEEL! LIKE THE MOST SPECIAL GIRL! IN THE WORLD!

LINCOLN: (gags) I'd rather lick the bathroom...

''[Lori picks up the end table and threatens to crush him with it] '' LINCOLN: I'll go iron my khakis! (runs out of the scene)

[Up in his bedroom, Lincoln gives Clyde a call.]

LINCOLN: Clyde, I need your help.

CLYDE: What's up, Lincoln?

LINCOLN: I have to go on a double date at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet with Ronnie Anne.

CLYDE: Ooh, I love fusion cuisine! But why?

LINCOLN: Because you were right. I did hurt her feelings, she told Bobby, and he broke up with Lori, and now Lori's making me-- [hears nothing but static on his walkie-talkie] Clyde? Clyde?

[Clyde doesn't answer him because he is dancing in front of a gold-framed portrait of Lori with a spotlight shining on it.]

CLYDE: 🎶 Clyde and Lori sitting in a tree / Oh there's no room for dumb Bobby! Woo! 🎶

''[Later, the two pairs of siblings arrive at the restaurant. Lori and Bobby look happy to see each other, but their respective siblings don't.]''

LORI: Hi, Bobby.

BOBBY: Hey babe--I mean, Lori.

[Ronnie Anne rolls her eyes.]

LINCOLN: Hi, Ronnie Anne. [Lori heavily nudges him] You're looking lovely this evening.

RONNIE: Yeah, we weirdos clean up nice. Let's just get this over with.

[The four of them walk inside when suddenly, to Lincoln's surprise, they find a poorly-disguised Clyde, wearing a Mexican scarf, a French beret, and a fake mustache, at the counter.]

CLYDE: Good evening, Monjour et Señoritas. Welcome to Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet!

LINCOLN: [pulls Clyde towards him] Clyde, what are you doing!?

BOBBY: [noticing the bowl of mints situated on the counter] Ooh, mints! [eats one]

CLYDE: [growls jealously at Bobby and then turns his attention back to his best friend] Just here to help you, buddy.

LINCOLN: I know what you're up to. Please don't mess this up for me.

CLYDE: Don't worry. You won't even know I'm here!

''[But just as Clyde steps back onto the phone book he was standing on, he knocks the counter over and spills the bowl of mints, startling Lincoln and making Lori jump into Bobby's arms. As Bobby puts Lori down, a waiter slips on the mints and crashes offscreen, sending a mask rolling away from where he crashed.]''

CLYDE: So, table for three?

BOBBY: Actually, there are four--

CLYDE: [ignoring his rival] Very good. Three. Right this way. [He brings Lincoln, Lori, and Ronnie to their table, and then pulls up a chair for Lori as he calls her...] Ma'amsellita.

''[Lincoln tries to do the same for Ronnie, but she instead just sits in another chair, so he sits in the chair he offered her. Bobby approaches their table.]''

BOBBY: Wow, table blankets? Pretty romantic.

LORI: I know. Isn't it?

BOBBY: I mean, whatever. It's fine. [Clyde suddenly pulls away the table's last chair] Hey, thanks, man. [He prepares to sit down, thinking Clyde has pulled up the chair for him, but instead Clyde walks away with the chair and Bobby ends up hitting the floor with a thud.] Ow! Hey, wait! [He pulls a nearby potted plant to use as a seat]

''[Lincoln, not sure of what to say right now, looks at Ronnie Anne, who's still scowling at him. But she is then suddenly started by the appearance of a Mexican band.]''

MUSICIAN: Ooh, la la! Young amour! This calls for... música! ''[But before he and his two companions can perform...] '' LINCOLN: No, no! Please, no música. [The three musicians dejectedly walk away.] ...So, I hear the Quiche Rancheros is excellent.

[His attempt at small talk does not appear to have done him any good; Ronnie is still scowling at him.]

CLYDE: [comes up with three glasses of water and gives two of them to Lincoln and Ronnie] Two flat waters... [gives the third one to Lori] ...and one sparkling, to match your eyes.

BOBBY: [taps Clyde's shoulder] Uh, could I get a water? [Clyde just ignores him again and walks off, to his annoyance] And maybe a chair?

[One clockwise screen-wipe later, Lincoln is still trying to get back on Ronnie's good side.]

LINCOLN: So, how about that math test? I mean, "show your work?" What is that?

[Bobby and Lori just quietly chew their food when Clyde suddenly comes back with a silver plate.]

CLYDE: If I may... [lifts the cover so that he slams it in Bobby's face] ...a special treat for a special lady - a nacho from Jean Juan's private collection!

BOBBY AND LORI: [simultaneously] I think we'll hit the buffet again.

LORI: [gasps as Clyde gets a disillusioned look on his face] We both said the same thing at the exact same time! It's like we're literally meant to be.

[Clyde can only watch forlornly as his unrequited crush and his rival walk off to the buffet, so he vents his frustration by punching the nacho down on the plate he's holding and storms off.]

LINCOLN: [imitating Lori] "It's like we're literally meant to be."

RONNIE: [giggles] Oh, they're so cheesy!

LINCOLN: [also giggles] Yeah! Yeah, cheesier than this Fromage Con Queso!

RONNIE: [laughs] Oh, remember that time Bobby thought store-bought flowers were too "impersonal", so he picked his own?

LINCOLN: Yeah, and they turned out to be poison ivy! Lori swelled up like a salted turkey!

[As they share a laugh over this, the camera zooms over to their older siblings watching from the buffet.]

BOBBY: Aw, look, they're getting along!

LORI: Does that mean...?

[Lincoln stops laughing as he sees Bobby taking Lori's hands in his.]

BOBBY: Babe, this has been torture!

LORI: Oh, Bobby Boo-Boo Bear!

[They pucker up to kiss, but Clyde comes between them and ruins the moment.]

CLYDE: Hot raw tamales, comin' through!

LINCOLN: Ugh, the nicknames!

RONNIE: I know. And don't get me started on the kissing. It's so gross! Who does that!?

LINCOLN: Yeah, and how about all the selfies? [Ronnie chuckles and then puts her arm around him while lifting out her other arm as if she's taking a selfie right now as he imitates Lori again] "Don't get my bad side, Bobby!"

RONNIE: [imitating Bobby] "You don't have a bad side, babe." Click, click, click! [they laugh some more]

LINCOLN: You know, I'm really sorry for what I said at school.

RONNIE: It's okay. Sorry about the sloppy joe.

[They both give heartfelt smiles at each other when suddenly their older siblings come back with their arms around each other.]

LORI: Guess who's back together!

LINCOLN AND RONNIE: [simultaneously and with sarcasm] Babe and Bobby Boo-Boo Bear?

LORI: Yes! Wheeee! Reunion selfie! [she takes one of herself and Bobby, with a scowling Clyde behind them; Ronnie mock-barfs in response]

LINCOLN: Heh! [suddenly, he looks behind him to see that his five classmates who were teasing him at the beginning of the episode have just arrived at the restaurant]

CLASSMATE #3'S MOM: I'll be back to pick you boys up.

CLASSMATE #3: Okay, mom.

[As Ronnie laughs again, Lincoln quickly hides under the table.]

RONNIE: What are you doing?

LINCOLN: Just, uh, dropped my fork. [crawls under the table, startling Lori and Bobby]

LORI: Lincoln, where are you going!?

LINCOLN: Uh, bathroom. I hope no one else had the Chile Con Escargots! [he dashes for the men's room and locks himself in] Phew! I'll just hang out here till those guys leave.

MUSICIAN: [appearing behind Lincoln with his two companions] ¡Música!

LINCOLN: No, no! No música.

CUSTOMER: [pounding the door from outside] Hurry up! I gotta escar-go!

LINCOLN: [groans, unlocks the door and dashes out while the customer dashes in]

MUSICIAN: Uno, dos, trois! [he and his band start playing]

[Outside the restroom, Lincoln sees that his classmates are still here.]

CLASSMATE #1: Well, I gotta pee.

[As Classmate #1 heads for the restrooms, Lincoln quickly ducks under a food cart containing the dessert tray.]

CLYDE: [comes out of the kitchen, talking on his cell phone, and starts pushing the cart] Hello, Dr. Lopez? I know I'm not supposed to call you at home, but it's a Lori emergency.

LINCOLN: Clyde! You gotta get me out of here!

CLYDE: What? Why?

[Lincoln points to the laughing classmates at their table.]

CLASSMATE #1: [returning] Guys, there's a band in the bathroom!

LINCOLN: I can't let those guys see me on a "date" with Ronnie Anne. I just convinced them she's not my girlfriend.

CLYDE: I gotcha, buddy. Just stay under there and I'll wheel you out. [into his phone] Dr. Lopez, I'll call you back. [wheels the cart past the classmates' table just when...]

CLASSMATE #4: Hey, dessert guy!

CLYDE: What?

CLASSMATE #1: [pointing at Lincoln's tuft of hair sticking out from under the cart's tablecloth] Ooh, what's that with the whipped cream on top? [Lincoln quickly ducks so that his hair tuft is not sticking out]

CLYDE: Uh, sorry, that's a to-go order. [Classmate #1 pulls the cloth back only to see nothing under it] See? It's gone.

[Lincoln dashes for the entrance, but suddenly runs into the Mexican band again.]

MUSICIAN: ¡Música!

LINCOLN: NO! No música. Silencio! [ducks into a nearby closet]

CLYDE: [comes in with the dessert cart] Lincoln? [Lincoln pulls him into the closet with him] How are we gonna get you out now? We'll need a disguise.

LINCOLN: [pulls out an oversized mask of a Mexican man] I'm way ahead of you!

[Clyde just lowers his eyelids at Lincoln's imitation of Luan.]

[One screen-wipe later, Lincoln, wearing the mask, is on the shoulders of Clyde, who has hidden his face with his scarf, but is not keeping his own arms hidden.]

CLYDE: ¡Adios! Au revoir! ¡Gracias! Merci!

LINCOLN: Okay, Clyde, less talking, more walking. We're almost out!

LORI: We need our check. Where's that cute little waiter?

CLYDE: She thinks I'm cute?! I've gotta get that check for Lori! [dashes off, causing Lincoln to fall off his shoulders and drop the mask]

LINCOLN: Clyde, no! Wait! [Too late, his classmates have spotted him.]

CLASSMATE #4: Hey Lincoln. Whatcha doing at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet?

LINCOLN: I'm just here with family. I mean, friends. I, I mean, family friends.

CLASSMATE #4: Isn't that Ronnie Anne?

LINCOLN: No! I mean, maybe. I didn't know she was here.

CLASSMATE #4: Hey, are those khakis? Gasp! You're wearing date pants!

CLASSMATE #3: I knew it! Ronnie Anne is your girlfriend! [he and others laugh]

LINCOLN: She is NOT my girlfriend! Guys, I already told you. Ronnie Anne is rude and gross and totally annoying. I'd rather lick the bathroom floor than kiss that weirdo.

LORI: LINCOLN!!

''[The camera shifts over to Lori and Bobby, both of whom look furious at what Lincoln just said, and then over to Ronnie Anne, who is again shocked and now heartbroken at hearing Lincoln repeating his harsh words after all that bonding they just went though. Tears well up in her eyes and she runs for the entrance.]''

BOBBY: We're broken up again, babe. I mean, Lori. ''[Lori starts crying her eyes out and Lincoln's classmates point and laugh at him. Lincoln sees Ronnie reaching the entrance.]''

LINCOLN: Hey, wait! [he runs after her but is suddenly blocked by the Mexican band again]

MUSICIAN: ¡Música!

LINCOLN: No, no. No música. Ronnie Anne, wait! There's something I've gotta say. [he pulls up a small podium and gets on it to make his speech] Can I have everyone's attention, please? [Lori stops crying] I've said some pretty horrible things about a girl who deserves a lot better. Ronnie Anne, you're really cool, and funny, and I've had an awesome time hanging out with you tonight. [Ronnie doesn't quite look convinced] But as my sister Lori once told me, actions speak louder than words. [Lori smiles] So, instead of telling you how I great I think you are, well...

''[Lincoln jumps off the podium and gives out his hand to Ronnie. She takes his hand, and he then pulls her up onto the podium with him and kisses her on the lips. The classmates react in surprise while Lori and Bobby gleefully hug each other.]''

LORI AND BOBBY: Yes!

CLYDE: [apparently was watching this while wearing the giant mask; yanks the mask off and angrily glares at the re-reunited couple as he pulls out his cell phone] Hello, Dr. Lopez?

[The next day at school, Lincoln's classmates are teasing him again.]

CLASSMATES: 🎶 Ronnie and Lincoln sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. 🎶

LINCOLN: Yes, this is annoying, but it's a small price to pay as long as things are cool between me and Ronnie Anne.

RONNIE: [suddenly barges in] YOU!

CLASSMATES: Ooooh! [Ronnie slaps Lincoln hard across the face] Ohhh?

RONNIE: Lincoln Loud, how DARE you kiss me at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet! You are rude and gross and totally annoying. I'd rather lick the bathroom floor than kiss you! [she storms off]

CLASSMATE #1: Sorry, dude.

CLASSMATE #2: That was harsh.

CLASSMATE #3: Girls are intense, man.

CLASSMATE #4: It's okay to be single.

CLASSMATE #5: Your bros are here for you, bro.

''[As soon as Lincoln's classmates each leave, though, Lincoln looks pretty saddened about Ronnie dumping him. Just then, an ice pack slides up in front of him with an attached note. Lincoln looks at the note and hears Ronnie's voice reading it:]''

"Hope that stopped the teasing. Signed, Ronnie Anne."

LINCOLN: And, there's a heart! [applies the ice pack to where Ronnie slapped him]

CLYDE: [entering just as Lincoln puts Ronnie Anne's note in his pocket] Sorry about Ronnie Anne. I know how you feel. A broken heart is a story as old as time. But I think I have something that'll cheer you up! It always helps me. [claps] ¡Música! [The Mexican band from the restaurant appears and play their music as Lincoln and Clyde dance to it.]

LINCOLN AND CLYDE: ¡Olé!