Salty Codgers

2x08 - "Salty Codgers" [opening theme playing] [baby cooing] What are you looking at, old man? Ha-ha. He's so old. Boy: [screaming] Help me! [laughing] Robin: Mad Mod! Stealing the most precious thing in this world, youth. How could you? Yeah, you made 'em so wrinkly! Beast Boy: So spotty! [shivers] So hunched. [groans] So cute. [laughs] Oh, look at these little scamps. Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! [clears throat] Are you done? Mwah! I love old people. Titans, go! [all screaming] [music] [all screaming] [Starfire gasps] Raven! Grab that cane before he can turn us into old people! Oops. All: No! [feigning outrage] No, don't do it. Don't turn them into the cutest thing ever. [all groaning] [elevator bell dings] [Beast Boy groans] We have to track down Mod before we're stuck as old people forever. - Huh? - What? - Huh? - What? - Say again? - What? - Huh? - What? Say again? - Huh? - Huh? - Huh? - What? - Huh? - Huh? - Huh? - What? - Huh? - Huh? You're gonna have to speak up. - I am having trouble hearing! - Huh? [gasps] This is so precious. Titans [groans] We have to get our youth back. Yes, my face is drooping and sagging. No, no, no. You don't want to be young again. That's easy for you to say, hot stuff. You're still young and beautiful. Okay, dial it back, grandpa. Being old is great. Just look at Robin's gray streaks. Ooh. I do look distinguished. [Cyborg groaning] Cyborg, check your wallet out. [gasps] Cyborg: Are these pictures of my grandbabies? One of the perks of getting older. Where did the grandbabies come from? Nobody knows. [ominous chord playing] And the best part is, with age, comes wisdom. [gasps] Wisdom! Maybe we should give being old a try. That's the spirit. Now, everyone gather around. Oh, I love you, my little prunes. - Mwah! - Ooh. Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! This is a dream come true. [music] Did Did I ever tell you how I got this watch? I was stationed in France. So he says to me, "that ain't your watch. " So, I says I says to him, "I found it, so it makes it my watch. " [kids laughing] [Cyborg laughing] Come here, little scamp. Denitrious, get away from there. He ended up in prison for life And I'm still wearing the watch. [laughs] [sighs] Charming stories, slow dances, grandbabies. Ah, you salty codgers. [Cyborg snoring] The tower's never been this quiet. - Hey, where's Beast Boy? - He's in the bowl. Think you could tell me that watch story again? Beast Boy? Is he sleeping? - No, hon, he passed. [snoring] - He's dead?! Mmm-mmm. Passed. [snores] How? I don't understand. It was just his time, dear. That really puts things in perspective. I'm going to make the most out of every precious moment - I have left with you guys. - Oh, that's nice, dear. [music] Raven: Old people are like shooting stars. They shine bright, but are gone in an instant. [sighs] Rest in peace, you salty codgers. The tower's never been this quiet. I miss grandpa. I have to get them back! And there's only one way! To resurrect the Titans, you will have to journey into the underworld, cross the black river and finally look into the eyes of death himself. Boy: I have to? I don't want to look into the eyes of death. Sorry, I'm used to telling these stories to other people. This time, it's my job. [baby cooing] The price of passage be two dead man's coins. Have ye the coins? [bird squawks] - Dead man's coins. - Uh, no. Then ye shall rot on the black shores of the river for eternity! And your bones will be Wait! Where are ya going? - I don't need a ride, but thanks. - Okay, okay. [clears throat] One dead man's coin, but I won't go any lower. - Raven: I'm good. - Oh. Bird: [squawks] Dead man's coins! [ghostly voices warbling in distance] [man screaming] [laughing] Raven! I've been expecting you. Come give your Uncle Death a hug. - Then you know what I'm here for. - 'Course I do! Souls! Shortening the lives of your friends for your own selfish desires. So very evil, Raven. Ha! I love it. They were so cute as old people. I know, I know! Don't you just love the big ears? And their noses. They never stop growing. - Did you know that? - I did indeed. [coughs] But, uh, we're getting off track. You see, Raven, you had your fun with them old folks. But they're mine now. Once they took their last breath I'm a soul collector, baby I'm Death! they're all mine yeah, last breath! I'm a soul collector, baby I'm Death! so, come on Whoo! [vocals] [laughs] don't stop now! come on! So, here's the deal. You trade me your soul for theirs. All: Don't do it, Raven! - Okay. - Really? Oh. Then it's a deal! First, you give me my friends back. Ah, don't trust death, do you? Ah, I don't blame you. Here they are. And now, for your soul. Yeah, about that. Don't have one! - I'm half demon. - You tricked me! And I don't feel bad about it, either. There's always a price when you deal with Death. Is that price free? 'Cause I just paid it. See you, sucker! Raven! [Robin groaning] Guys, is that you? [all groaning] Beast Boy: Watch! Watch! [gasps] This must be the price death spoke of. [all groaning] Now they're old and undead? My two favorite things! Oh. Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! - Mwah! - Watch.