The Decoupling Fluctuation


 * (The opening scene of the girls at Bernadette's apartment)
 * Bernadette: And the next wedding gift is a gravy boat.
 * Penny: Ooh, one gravy boat.
 * Amy: That’s from Sheldon. He told me he had it engraved.
 * Bernadette: In the event of a divorce, please return to Sheldon Cooper.
 * Penny: One inappropriate, yet I wish I thought of that gravy boat.
 * Amy: When I get married I’m going to register at the UCLA Cadaver Lab.
 * Penny: Ew, why?
 * Amy: ‘Cause I’ve always wanted a whole human skeleton and they are really spendy.
 * Bernadette: So, you actually see you and Sheldon getting married someday?
 * Amy: Not just someday. In exactly four years. But don’t tell Sheldon. He’s still a flight risk.
 * Bernadette: What about you, Penny?
 * Penny: What about me what?
 * Bernadette: Do you think you and Leonard might ever get married?
 * Penny: Oh, well, you know, Leonard is great.
 * Bernadette: But do you think you’ll ever get married?
 * Penny: He’s a sweetie.
 * Amy: You’re not answering the question. Do you love him?
 * Penny: Yeah, sure, of course I love him.
 * Bernadette: It doesn’t sound like it.
 * Penny: Well, I do.
 * Bernadette: Do you tell him that?
 * Penny: No, he’d just take it the wrong way.
 * Amy: What does that mean?
 * Penny: It means he is special and smart and nice and…
 * Bernadette: Are you gonna break up with him?
 * Penny: No. Maybe. I don’t know.
 * Bernadette: I had no idea you were unhappy.
 * Penny: That’s the thing, I’m not. I’m not unhappy at all. It’s just, I don’t know, I, I’ve been in love before, but it felt different. But maybe this is a new, better, boring kind of love. Do you ever feel that way about Howard?
 * Bernadette: Oh, that’s not really a fair comparison. I’m basically married to a sexy Buzz Lightyear.
 * Penny: Amy, you?
 * (Penny and Bernadette look happy at each other)


 * (The cinema scene where Amy is firm with Sheldon)
 * Amy: Regardless, don’t say anything to Leonard.
 * Sheldon: Now you’re asking me to keep a secret from my best friend, colleague, and roommate?
 * Amy: Yes, please, Penny will kill me.
 * Sheldon: (groans) Fine, but FYI, secret-keeping: Hate it. Hand-holding, not a fan. Hammerhead shark, I love that thing. Another fish with a tool on its head.


 * (The cutting scene between the International Space Station and Bernadette’s apartment)
 * Howard: Hey, Bernie.
 * Bernadette: There’s my hubby. How’s everything going up there?
 * Howard: Oh, it’s okay. Space is beautiful. Earth is beautiful. Same old, same old.
 * Bernadette: (Suddenly worried) What’s wrong?
 * Howard: Nothing. Everything’s fine.
 * Bernadette: (grunts crossly) Howard.
 * Howard: The other astronauts are being mean to me.
 * Bernadette: No, what are they doing?
 * 'Howard: Well, like for instance, the other day when I was asleep, one of the guys went on a space walk and glued a big-eyed rubber alien mask to the outside of my window. When I woke up, I screamed for like nine minutes.
 * Bernadette: (mega-fully upset) Oh, Howie.
 * Howard: You can see it if you want. It’s on YouTube. Google astronaut screams for nine minutes.
 * Bernadette: Why don’t you stand up to them?
 * Howard: (chuckles for a bit) What am I supposed to say?
 * Bernadette: I don’t know. Say, being mean is lame, what’s cool is being nice.
 * Howard: Great, I’ll do that when I want to be the first guy in space to get a wedgie.
 * Bernadette: Do you want me to call somebody at NASA?
 * Howard: No. My mom already tried that. It only made things worse.


 * Sheldon: Please don't hurt my friend.
 * Penny: That is the last thing I want to do.
 * Sheldon: Thank you. Coconut? What were you thinking? Are you a hula girl?
 * Penny: Get out.


 * (The scene in Amy's apartment bedroom where Amy's mobile phone is ringing on her bedside table in her apartment)
 * Amy: Hello?
 * Penny: What the hell is wrong with you? You told Sheldon? Do you know what a terrible position this puts me in? (Phone beeps)
 * Amy: Hang on, please. Hello?
 * Sheldon: Yeah, just a heads-up: Penny knows that you blabbed about Leonard. She’s pretty mad.
 * Amy: I know. She’s yelling at me right now.
 * Sheldon: All right then, so we’re all on the same page. Yes.
 * (Sheldon ends his call to Amy and puts his phone down onto the desk. He now gets out of the chair)


 * (The scene at Apartment 4A where Leonard has just had a thought)
 * Leonard: Okay, I think I understand.
 * Sheldon: You do?
 * Leonard: The guy who seems like an emotionless robot is you, (Sheldon doesn't know how to describe that emotion) but your relationship with Amy is causing you to transform into a red-blooded man with sexual desires.
 * (Sheldon reacts crossly at the strong words that Leonard had said)
 * Sheldon: That is literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
 * (Sheldon now gets up off the chair in a huff)


 * (The scene at Bernadette's apartment)
 * Amy: (asking Penny crossly) You slept with him?
 * Penny: I didn’t know what else to do. He had those big, sad eyes.
 * Bernadette: Oh, sure, you had no choice.
 * Penny: He looked at me like this.
 * Amy: Well, if that’s all it takes, it’s a good thing you don’t have a dog.
 * Bernadette: Don’t worry. You’ll have plenty of chances to break up with him. Your wedding day, your honeymoon, your 50th anniversary.
 * Penny: Look, it’s fine. We’re not getting married, okay? We’re keeping things, you know, homeostasis.
 * Amy: It’s so cute when she tries.
 * Penny (phone text tone) : It’s from Leonard. Last night was amazing. You’re amazing. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. (They give him a hangdog look) Okay, stop it.


 * (The ending scene with a cutting between the International Space Station and Bernadette’s apartment)
 * Howard: (out of vision on Skype) Hey, Bernie, guess what? I stood up to the other astronauts like you said and I got to tell you, last night was the first time in a week I got a good night’s sleep. (On screen, Howard has a mouse face drawn on his face, and the words F.LOOPS on his forehead.)
 * Bernadette: Oh, Howie.
 * Howard: What’s wrong? You look upset.
 * Bernadette: Nope, this is my proud face.
 * (Howard grins and puts his thumb up sign at the proud Bernadette)