Holly Holly Not So Jolly

1 Hey, guys, I'll be right back. Hey, we're decorating a tree. It's your favorite thing to do. Besides not wearing makeup. Oh, I just have some last-minute Christmas shopping to do. KC, the malls are closing. Then I better get there, huh? Was she acting a little weird? No weirder than usual. Man: Yes? Hey, um can we talk? Sure. Come on in. Oh, when danger comes for you You know I'll stand beside you 'Cause ain't nobody keep things hustle cool I'll always find a way, a way out of the fire Don't tell nobody, tell nobody I'm not perfect So many things I wanna tell you But I, I, I, I keep it undercover Livin' my life, no way to learn Doin' my thing, gonna make it work Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless But I always got your back Nobody can do it like I can I gotta find out who I am Ain't got to worry about me It's all part of the plan I keep it undercover. I keep it undercover. You don't have to lie on the couch. Oh, I know, but that's how they do it on TV and movies, plus I'm a little tired, so two birds, one stone. Do you always find it necessary to deflect your feelings with jokes? What? No. Just most of the time. Look, I'm sorry, okay? I don't even know why I'm here. I don't wanna mess up your Christmas Eve. My name is Dr. Levinstein. I'm in no rush. So, uh, what exactly is bothering you? (Sighs) Nothing. I'm sorry. I'm fine. (Laughs nervously) It's just that, you know, being a spy is really messing with my head. It's got me feeling like a total wreck. Sometimes I can handle it, but just recently, with all these missions and going undercover as all these different people I just start feeling like, who the heck is KC? You know? And I'm sure it's not an unusual feeling for a spy, right? No, not at all. Excuse me for just one second. Yeah, it's me. I'm going to be late. KC, maybe these feelings are exacerbated because you're so young. Young? Yeah, well, today I'm young, but a lot of the times, I'm not. (British accent) Well, hello, fellow educators. Substitute teacher Margaret Cavendish reporting for duty. Oh, yes! Nothing like the smell of uneducated minds, am I right? Makes you just want to fill them up with knowledge. Knowledge, knowledge, knowledge! Well, before I start edificating these young minds, I'm going to rest my weary bones. Excuse me. Oh, how kind of you to squeeze me in, buttercup. You know, back in my day, we didn't allow students in the teachers' lounge. Well, actually, I am a teacher. Oh, but you are just a pup! A little bitty puppy. Thank you. Oh. Oh, heavens. I should have never had those bangers and mash for lunch. The gas is starting. (Passes gas) Would you be a dear and get me some tea? Gladly. It sounds to me like you're putting a little extra pressure on yourself. I bet, one day, when you're a little old lady, you're gonna look back on this and remember these experiences fondly. Well, hopefully more fondly than the last time I was a little old man. Hey, how you doin'? Bernie Burns. Only two things visible from space. The Great Wall of China and that ugly shirt. Hey oh! You just got burned by Bernie Burns. Oh, man, look at these two. More wrinkles than a box of raisins. Hey oh! Burned by the Burnster. Hey. Bernie Burns here. I used to be a nightclub comedian. You know what happened when I played Atlantic City? Everyone left and went to Vegas. Hey oh! I just burned myself. Nobody's off limits. Maybe you should dwell on the positive. It seems to me that you're genuinely good at this work, portraying other people. Yeah, usually I am, but not always. There was this one time I had to do it on truth serum. My, my, my. And a good afternoon to you. Mr. Tochlin, I presume. Mrs. DuBois, I presume. Well, you presume wrong. Excuse me? My friends, they call me KC. I hope you'll call me KC, too, all right. Everybody calls me KC. Okay. Uh, Mrs. DuBois Mm-mm. KC. (Chuckles) It says here that Marisa worked as your part-time personal assistant. Yes. That is what it says. Those words are on that paper. Uh, you know, Marisa, she is a lovely gal. She's vivacious, good humored, sweeter than a sugar cake on a baby's bottom. Well, I should go now. Here is a can of creamed corn for y'all. Have a good day, darlin'. Um, just a few more questions. Please. Since you're here. Oh. Goody goody gumdrops. So how long have you known Marisa? Since I was five. You mean since she was five. Yes. That is true. I have known Marisa since she was five. We used to take baths together. Can we wrap this up now? Uh, we're almost finished. Would you say that Marisa is generally on time? Oh, yes, absolutely. She is always on time. For a party or a sale. Not for anything really important when you're countin' on her. Thank you for your candor. I have just one more question. If you were me, would you hire Marisa for this job? No! No, no, no. No way, absolutely not. Negatory. Nope. And if I wasn't clear before, no! Wow. Uh, well, is there anything else you wanna tell me? You look like a sleepy turtle. Where I come from, dear, that's a compliment. No, it's not. Ernie, can I talk to you for a second? She must be trying to get me under the mistletoe. What the heck? It's Christmas. Let me go share the gift that is Ernie. You might wanna keep the receipt. I'm worried about KC. I don't think she went out to buy presents. Why not? Because she's so organized. She has her Christmas shopping done by Easter. I think she might be upset about something. You're being ridiculous. KC is the most together person I know. I just feel like I'm falling apart. I think part of the anxiety you're feeling stems from the fact that going undercover can be lonely work. Well, I mean, sometimes I get to go with another agent. And that's better? No, it's worse. Simone, come on. This is ridiculous. No one in their right mind is gonna believe I'm a man. Not with all this curvaceousness-ness. Would you stop whining, okay, and dude up? I'm sorry, KC, but this undercover stuff is just not my bailiwick. Rule number one of being a dude. You don't wanna use words like bailiwick. I don't know if I can do this, all right? I'm just so nervous. How many times do I have to tell you, I am not a field agent? I was hoping just 12! Because if I hear it again, I swear, I am sticking this plunger up your nose. How dare you speak to a lady that way? Look, relax, okay? If anyone comes, I will do all the talking. Got it. Yes. You do all the talking. I will keep it quiet. No matter what happens, my lips are zip, zip, zip. We need paper towels in the men's room. (Deep voice) We need paper towels? You need paper towels? You always need paper towels. Everybody need paper towels. Paper towels, paper towels, paper towels. When I was in my generation, back when I was fly, we used to have paper and we used to have towels. We used to have paper to write with, and towels to wipe with, but now you want all the paper towels together, don't ya? Paper towels, paper take your paper towels and get back in that room! Nobody wants to use you or your paper towels. It occurs to me that you need a creative outlet to relieve your stress. Many of my patients really enjoy art therapy. Oh, yeah, I've dabbled in art before. Not really my thing. I am Lola Fingers. Artiste. And I'm her manager, Tommy Lasorda. The artiste manager. Not the baseball manager. He's a large white man, and I'm a short black guy, with a penchant for turtlenecks. Your work is genius. As is your hair. Yeah, well, my style is perpetually caught in a breeze. To remind me that life is always moving, as must art. Oh, yes. This space is perfect. It's bare. It's naked. I'll cover your shame, naked wall. With art! She'll need total privacy. Her most creative hours are 2:00 to 5:00 a. m. You've got it, Lola. But it would be an honor to come by and see you work. Why wait? She can do one right now. Lola's known for her spontaneous paintings. Yes. I'm also known for firing my manager. Come on, Lola. Do the one where you roll around in Why am I explaining when she can just show you? Lola. No, thank you. I'm just not feeling the muse right now. Then let me help you feel it. Oh, yes. I'm not done, I'm not done. Oh, lovely. Oh, yes. Yes, I'm really starting to feel it everywhere now. Yes! Lola, you've done it again. Don't hold back. Rage is your medium. I love it. Yes, Lola, you've done it again. Eh. I wouldn't say it's your best work. Oh, really? Oh, lovely. Look at that. Another Lola Fingers original. Allow me to sign it for you. Okay, so what I'm hearing is, you have fun working with your family. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do. A lot. So no conflicts come up because of work. There's never any fighting. Fighting? Between people in my family? No. Absolutely not. Unless you count my mom. You know I love you, but I gotta mess you up. Excuse me? Scar said that I had to fight you. Oh. In that case, hit me hard. What? I don't want to. You're my mommy. And your mommy is saying hit me. Come on. This'll just be like sparring practice at home. - Okay. - All right. I'm gonna hit you now, okay? What are you doing? I'm not gonna make it easy on you. Hit me again, delinquent! See what happens. Inmates: Fight, fight, fight, fight! - Nice kick, Mom. - Thanks. Hey, wanna do that over-the-table thing? - Sure. Why not? - Okay. It seems to me you really didn't have a choice. One thing we all know is that an agent can never blow their cover. Yeah. About that. Intel shows that an enemy spy is expected to arrive at any moment. Your mission is to place a miniature GPS tracking device in his food. Once he eats it, we'll be able to track him for up to 12 hours. Won't he know it's in his food? Honey, put it in the tempura. People eat anything that's deep fried. I have visual confirmation that the targets have entered the restaurant. Hi, Chef. What is Marisa doing there? Apparently disregarding the "please wait to be seated" sign. Ah, Chef, do you have a best friend? I have a best friend. Well, I had a best friend. Normally, we come here together, but we had a really big fight. (Muttering gibberish) I know these things happen, but they don't happen to me and KC. We used to tell each other everything, but she's changed. (Gibberish) You're totally right. I'm being all judge-y judge-y, but it hurts. Oh, hey, could you do the big shrimp flip and egg crack trick for me? (Gibberish) Carpal tunnel. Oh, please. It would really cheer me up. (Sighs) The targets are leaving. You have to stop them, even if it means breaking your cover. Hey, cool. They added a floor show. KC? Now I get it. You've been acting all kooky because you're stressed out from your secret job. Pretending to be a male chef at Benimama's. Yeah. We need to talk. KC should be back by now. I hope she's okay. Oh, please, we put her in a lot more dangerous situations than last-minute Christmas shopping. That's what I'm talking about. Maybe we put too much pressure on her. Oh, stop. She can handle it. I'm sure she'll be home any second. What are you doing? Oh, just making myself comfortable. I got a feeling we are gonna be here for a while. Maybe part of the problem is that you resent your parents pushing you into being a spy. Are you kidding me? The missions I go on with my parents are my favorite. Except sometimes, I do have to pretend like I'm not having fun. We're at an expensive French restaurant. What are you doing on your phone? Ordering a pizza. Why do we bother taking her to nice places? Here's an idea. How about I go the mall and you guys pick me up when you're done? Or don't. Okay. Target has entered the restaurant. I have facial recognition confirmation. Target matches the profile. Slight limp, broad shoulders, weak chin, and a very long eyelash? Oh, no, that one's mine actually. Intel shows he's here to get the stolen plans for a new missile defense system. Our assignment: recover those plans. - I'll cover the exit. - I'm going in. You can't go in the lounge. It's for adults only. Not a problem. My little girl's grown up so fast. Kira: He's on the move, and he's got a briefcase. I have a visual on the plans. Let's do this. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to play with matches? I highly recommend the filet of sole. I can't believe you hit me. I'm just a little girl. A little girl who just girl-stomped you, son. Time for you to chill out. What? You never heard of a teenage spy? KC, I'm not sure what to say. The work you do is very important. You're not only helping people, you're actually saving lives. But at any age, there's a tremendous amount of pressure, and it is clearly getting to you. Maybe it's time for you to get out. - Excuse me? - Quit. Quit being a spy. I see what you're doing here, doc. I see. You're trying a little reverse psychology. Tell her to quit so that she'll quit feeling her feelings. No, I really think you're not cut out for this, and you should just walk away. Walk away? From the job that I love, doing it with the family that I love? Yeah, no, that's not gonna happen. Hey, you're the one with the issues. You came to me. The only issue I have is that it's the holidays, okay, and I'm feeling a little blue. It's called seasonal holiday funkiness, or something more professional-sounding. It's a real thing, okay, and that is all that I have. Quit being a spy. Give me a break. Hey, honey. How'd your last-minute shopping go? Well, it turns out all the gifts I need are actually right here. Oh! Wait. You mean us, right? Yes, you guys. That is so sweet. But FYI, I am still expecting that bottle of Robaire Lattaire perfume. Guys, the tree looks really good, but I'm seeing a few empty spots. Let's get to work, people. Craig: Okay, the boss is here. Ernie: Pass 'em on down.