Dr. Seuss on the Loose

Opening
Announcer: The Cat and the Hat... The Cat in the Hat: (pops out of the logo) That's me. Announcer: presents, Dr. Seuss on the Loose. A 3 decker! Consisting of One - The Sneetches Two - The Zax and Three - Green Eggs and Ham.

The Sneetches
The Cat in the Hat: Oh, at the edge of each ocean You'll always find beaches Beautiful, glorious, florious beaches Where I meander on peaceful-ous beaches I frequently find myself thinking of Sneetches!

Choir: Snee Snee! Did you say Sneetches? The Cat in the Hat: Yes S-N, Double E, T-C-H-E-S Choir: Oh, S-N, Double E, T-C-H-E-S

Narrator: Now the Star-Bellied Sneetches had bellies with stars. The Plain-Bellied Sneetches had none upon thars. No stars on their bellies. No stars upon thars. Now those stars weren't so big. They were really quite small. You would think such a thing wouldn't matter at all. But because they had stars, all the Star-Bellied Sneetches would brag.

Star-Bellied Sneetches: "We're the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches!"

Narrator: With their snoots in the air, They would sniff and they'd snort. They'd have nothing to do with the Plain-Bellied sort.

Ronald's Mom: Ronald, remember, when you are out walking, You walk past a Sneetch of that type without talking. Keep your snoot in the air, and remember to snort. We have no truck whatever with the Plain-Bellied sort.

Narrator: When the Star-Bellied children went out to play ball. Could a Plain-Belly get in the game? Not at all! You only could play if your bellies had stars. And the Plain-Bellied children had none upon thars.

Star-Bellied Children: Yar Yar...your belly's got no stars.

(Song: Twinkle, Twinkle Lovely Little Star) Star-Bellied Sneetches: Twink, twink, twinkle, twinkle, lovely little star Little Sneetch: Twink, twink, twinkle, twinkle, stupid little star Star-Bellied Sneetches: If there's one upon your tummy thats just yummy, thats just yummy if there isn't, you're a crummy, slummy, gummy, bummy, dummy that applies likewise to your daddy and your mummy Star-Bellied Sneetches: Twink, twink, twinkle, twinkle, lovely little star Little Sneetch: Twink, twink, twinkle, twinkle, stupid little star

Narrator: When the Star-Bellied Sneetches had frankfurter roasts, Or picnics or parties or marshmallow toasts, They never invited the Plain-Bellied Sneetches. They left them out cold and in the dark of the beaches.

(Song: A Toast) Star-Bellied Sneetches: From the heights of Muba Muba, to the gullies of Gazoo, There's nobody else who has one We are the the favorite few who do

And so a toast, raise your marshmallow stick, A toast, raise your good fellow stick, And toast the glorious little gimmickick that makes us who we are Sound off, and let the welcome ring In praise of our exclusive thing A toast, raise your marshmallow stick, A toast, raise your good fellow stick, And toast to belly stars.

Narrator: They kept them away. They never let them come near. That's how they treated them year after year. They got snobbed. They got snooted. Their bottoms got booted. While the Star-Bellied Sneetches all taunted and hooted.

Star-Bellied Sneetch #1: They just are not suited Star-Bellied Sneetches: No stars upon thars!

Narrator: Then one day, it seems while the Plain-Bellied Sneetches Were moping and doping alone on the beaches, Just sitting there wishing their bellies had stars. A stranger approached in the strangest of cars.

Sylvester McMonkey McBean: My friends, I have seen they've been treating you mean. My name is Sylvester McMonkey McBean. I know precisely why you're so unhappy. And that I can fix. I'm the fix it up chappy.

(machine noises)

Sylvester McMonkey McBean: My prices are low, and I work with great speed and my work is 100% guaranteed. By my new patent process of proto-potoxis of the inner sub-nuclear Noozbaum Nogoxis, You'll get a star like the Star-Bellied Sneetch for the mere paltry payment of $3 each.

Plain-Bellied Sneetch #1: A star? Here?

Sylvester McMonkey McBean: Yes my friend, there. And the first to go through gets the trip at half fare. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

(machine noises)

Star-Bellied Sneetch #2: It works!

Star-Bellied Sneetches: Yeah, It works! It works!

(Song: Stars Upon Thars) Them over there, they got stars upon thars! And we over here, we got stars upon ours! We got 'em also, we got 'em too. We're every little bitty bit as goody good as you! Now we're socially acceptable and at a marshmallow toast. And you'll have to send us invitations to your frankfurter roast Stars! Stars! Bless our lucky stars! All the Sneetches, on the beaches, now got stars upon thars!

Star-Bellied Sneetch Leader: Ladies and gentlemen. We are faced with a most awkward dilemma. We're the true Star-Bellies. We had them first. We're still the best Sneetches, and they're still the worst.

All: Yeah!

Star-Bellied Sneetch #3: But how are we going to prove it? Which is which? I can't tell us apart.

Sylvester McMonkey McBean: Let me through...excuse me. Step aside please. Thank you. You don't know me my friends but calm down if you can, I'm here to help the original Star-Bellied clan. Those upstarts it's true now have stars just like you. But follow me my friends and you know what I'll do? I'll make you again the best Sneetches on the beaches and all it will cost you is $10 eaches.

Sylvester McMonkey McBean: Belly-stars, my dear friends are no longer in style. I'll have yours off in a very short while. In my wondrous machine which eradicates stars. Then you won't look like Sneetches who have them on thars.

Star-Bellied Sneetch #4: Eradicates these?

Sylvester McMonkey McBean: Eradicates these with the greatest of ease! Provided you pay your 10 bucks if you please.

Star-Bellied Sneetch #4: Here's $10 for the boy and $10 for me.

Sylvester McMonkey McBean: Thank you.

Sylvester McMonkey McBean: Thank you. Thank you.

(machine noises)

Star-Bellied Sneetch #1: How original! Star-Bellied Sneetch #2: How distinctive! Star-Bellied Sneetch #3: How exclusive!

(Song: O-U-T! Out!) Plain-Bellied Sneetches: Now we know who is who, and there isn't a doubt! the best kind of Sneetches, are Sneetches without! The old fashioned custom of walking about With stars on your belly is O-U-T out! Abdominal stars, we cannot abide. Abdominal stars are abomidable. Abdominal, abomidable Abdominal stars are abomidable O-U-T OUT! O-U-T OUT! That old status symbol, is O-U-T OUT!

Narrator: Then of course, those with stars all got frightfully mad. To be wearing a star now was frightfully bad. And of course old Sylvester McMonkey McBean, invited them into his "Star Off" machine.

Sylvester McMonkey McBean: Thank you. Thank you.

(machine noise)

Narrator: Then of course from then on, as you probably guessed, things really got into a horrible mess.

(machine noise)

Narrator: All the rest of that day on those wild screaming beaches, the fix it up chappy kept fixing up Sneetches! Off again, on again, in again, out again. Through the machine, they raced round and about again changing their stars every minute or two. They kept paying money. They kept running through until neither the Plain or the Star-Bellies Knew whether this one or that one was This one or which one was what one. Or what one was who. Then, when every last cent of their money was spent, the fix it up chappy packed up and he went.

(machine noise)

Narrator: And he laughed as he drove his car up the beach.

Sylvester McMonkey McBean: They never will learn. No, you can't teach a Sneetch.

Narrator: But, McBean was quite wrong. I am happy to say that the Sneetches got really quite smart on that day. That day they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches and no kind of Sneetch is the best on the beaches. That day all the Sneetches forgot about stars, and whether or not they had one upon thars.

(Song: A Toast - Reprise Version) Star-Bellied Sneetches: A toast, raise your marshmallow stick, A toast, raise your good fellow stick, And toast to the silly gimmickick that were have here and thar Sound off, and let the welcome ring Little Sneetch: So what do your star spangle sing? Star-Bellied Sneetches: A toast, raise your marshmallow stick, A toast, raise your good fellow stick, and poo poo poo to your belly star!

The Zax
The Cat in the Hat: Oh, beyond the last mountain, The very last mountain, Beyond the Last Zinnika - Zannika Tree, Beyond the last Whoomph Bush, The Very last Whoomph Bush, There is a vacuilous,vacant prairie. The Prairie of Prax, And the Tale of the Zax!

Narrator: One day making tracks In the prairie of Prax, Came a north-going Zax.

A north-going Zax And a south-going Zax. (2x) And it happened that both of them came to a place where they bumped. There they stood, foot to foot, face to face.

North-Going Zax: Look here now.

Narrator: The north-going Zax said.

North-Going Zax: I say, you are blocking my path. You are right in my way. I'm a north-going Zax, and I always go north. Get out of my way now, and let me go forth.

South-Going Zax: Who's in whose way?

Narrator: Snapped the south-going Zax.

South-Going Zax: I always go south making south-going tracks. So you're in my way, and I ask you to move And let me go south in my south-going groove.

Narrator: Then the north-going Zax said, with north-going pride.

North-Going Zax: I never have taken a step to one side. And I'll prove to you that I won't change my ways If I have to keep standing here 59 days.

Narrator: Yelled the south-going Zax.

South-Going Zax: That I can stand here in the prairie of Prax for 59 years. For I live by a rule That I learned as a boy back in south-going school, "Never budge," that's my rule. I'll stay here, not budging. I can and I will If it makes you and me and the whole world stand still.

(Day turns to night, then turns back to daytime, then turns windy, then rainy, then snowy, then springtime, and finally a prairie with a highway.)

Narrator: Well, of course the world didn't stand still. The world grew. In a couple of years, the new highway came through. And they build it right over those two stubborn Zaxs, and left them there standing unbudged in their tracks.

Green Eggs and Ham
The Cat in the Hat: Oh, I frequently think every now and then of the glorious fruit of the noble hen Eggs, eggs, E, double-G, S-eggs My knowledge of eggs is tremendously wide I've eaten them boiled, I've eaten them fried Poached and shirred and deviled and scrambled Hummeled, shmummeled, cuddled, and frammeled I've eaten them beaten and swizzled and swuzzled Frizzled, cadizzled bamboozled, and fuzzled I know every way that an egg can be guzzled And thinking of eggs reminds me of Sam Whose favorite dish Is green eggs and ham. (Opens to see Joey reading a newspaper. He hears dog bells.) Sam-I-Am: I am Sam! [leaves and comes back with a jaguar] Sam, I am! Joey: That Sam-I-Am! That Sam-I-Am! I do not like that Sam-I-Am! Sam-I-Am: Do you like green eggs and ham? Joey: (drops his newspapers to the ground) I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! I do not like green eggs and ham! Choir: He does not like them, Sam-I-Am. He doesn't like, he doesn't like green eggs and ham. Sam-I-Am: Would you like them here or there? Joey: I do not like them here or there! I would not like them anywhere! I do not like green eggs and ham! I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! Choir: He doesn't like green eggs and ham! he doesn't like 'em. Sam-I-Am: Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse? Joey: I would not like them in a house! [slams the door shut] I would not like them with a mouse! I would not like them here or there! I would not like them anywhere! Choir #1: Green eggs and haaaaaaaam. Choir #2: He doesn't like green eggs and ham, he doesn't like 'em, Together: He doesn't like like green eeeeggs and haaaaaaaam! Sam-I-Am: Would you eat them in a box? Would you eat them with a fox? Joey: No, not in a box! Not with a fox! (The fox appears on the hill, with the hound dogs and men on horses chasing him.) Not in a house not with a mouse. I would not eat them here or there, I would not eat them anywhere. Yuck. I would not eat green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! Sam-I-Am: Would you, could you in a car? Eat them, eat them? Here they are. Joey: I would not, could not in a car! (After the car lands straight up in the tree, Sam-I-Am appears from the seat..) Sam-I-Am: You may like them, you'll see. You may like them in a tree. Joey: I would not, could not in a tree. Not in a car, now let me be! [He even hears train noises. Then he gets off the car and lands on the caboose itself.] Not in a box, not with a fox. Not in a house, not with a mouse. I would not like them here or there, I would not like them anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam-I-Am! (train speeds away off-screen) Choir: Oh Sam, Oh Sam! Oh Sam-I-am! He doesn't want em, Doesn't need 'em, Wouldn't touch 'em Wouldn't eat 'em, Wouldn't like em hear or there... Or any any any any any any any anywhere, Anywhere anywhere.... Sam-I-Am: Would you, could you, in a train? Joey: No, not in a train, not in a tree, Not in a car. Sam, let me be! (He gets ready to leave as he opens the door) Not in a box, not with a fox! (The fox appears on the train, with the hound dogs and men on horses chasing him.) Not with a mouse, not in a house! Not here or there, not anywhere! (He slams the door and sits down while the train moves, until it goes into a dark tunnel.) Sam-I-Am: (funny voice) In the dark, here in the dark. Would you, could you, in the dark? Joey: I would not, could not in the dark! Sam-I-Am: Would you, could you, in the rain? Joey: I would not, could not in the rain! Not in the dark! Not in a train! Not in a car! Not in a tree! I do not like them, Sam, you see! (Joey stops the tracks and the fox appears on the train tracks, with the hound dogs and men on horses chasing him.) Sam-I-Am: (with a goat on the railroad tracks) Would you, could you with a goat? Joey: (menacingly) I would not, could not with a goat! I would not eat them here or there, I would not eat them anywhere! Sam-I-Am: Would you, could you on a boat? Joey: I would not, would not on a boat! I will not, will not with a goat! Not in the rain! Not in a train! [after a train/shipwreck, Joey emerges from the water and goes over to a treasure box. It opens and Sam comes out] Sam-I-Am: You do not like them, so you say. Try them. Try them and you may. Try them and you may, I say. Joey: Sam, if you will let me be, I will try them, and you will see. (After Joey tries a green egg with his eyes covered, he gets excited.) Hmmm, hmmm. Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woah! Say! (laughs) I like Green Eggs and Ham! I do! I like them Sam-I-am! (singing) ...and I will eat them in a boat, and I will eat them with a goat, and I will eat them in the rain, and in the dark and in a train, and in a car and in a tree, they are so good so good you see. So I will eat them in a box, and I will eat them with a fox. (Joey's song got cut a little short as the fox who was being chased by dogs arrives and does his musical number continuing where Joey left of and the dogs who chased him and a goat and the mouse joins him in song) Fox: He will eat them in a box, And he will eat them with a fox, Fox, Goat and Dogs: And he will in them in a house, (the mouse joins in) and he will eat them with a mouse, and he will eat them...here or there! Say, he will eat them ...anywhere! Joey: I do so like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-am!