Ello Gov'nor

(The episode begins at the movie store. An employee is dancing around at the front. He's wearing an outfit the depicts King Kong climbing the Empire State Building)

Employee - Movies! Rent your movies! (Rigby rushes out of the store, carrying a movie case. He bumps into the employee) Oh, sorry man.

Rigby - (chuckling) Nice outfit! (runs off)

Employee - It's a costume! They make me wear it!

(cut to the house. It's nighttime, and Mordecai and Rigby are ready to watch the movie)

Mordecai - Movie night! (holds up a bowl of popcorn) I got the popcorn!

Rigby - (holding up the movie. He's showing only the backside) I got the movie!

Mordecai - Wait, I thought we were watching Shy Guy. (holds up the movie. The case is pink and has a big red heart on it)

Rigby - Dude, you've seen that movie 100 times. I got something better. BAM! (shows the movie to Mordecai. It's called "Ello Gov'nor," and it has a picture of an evil British Taxi on the cover)

Mordecai - Ello Gov'nor?

Rigby - Yeah man, it's foreign. Check it. (reads back) A British taxi is possessed by the soul of its driver, seeking revenge on the lowly gang members who murdered him. Pay the fare... (pops head from behind case) ...or pay the price.

Mordecai - No dude, not a horror movie! Last time I had to walk you to the bathroom every night for a week!

Rigby - No, man, it'll be different. This one is old and cheesy. It will be hilarious!

Mordecai - You sure you can handle it?

Rigby - Dude, it's in black and white. Come on.

Mordecai - Mmm... alright.

(Rigby opens the case for the movie, and Mordecai turns off the light. Rigby puts the tape into the VCR, and the movie begins playing, with ominous music. The card reads, "ELLO GOV'NOR, (c) MCMLXXXII." M&R fake screaming, but laugh pretty quickly)

Rigby - See, isn't this fun?

Mordecai - Hmph. Hmph.

(Now, we're in the movie. It starts at a boarding school. In the classroom, a boy sits quietly and opens his composition notebook to see a tire print engraved in it. He gasps, and then looks out the window to see the taxi)

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor!

(The taxi drives into the window, and, off-screen, runs him over. Mordecai laughs a little, but Rigby seems like he is scared. In the next scene of the movie, a woman is in her bathroom combing her hair. She closes the cabinet, and, in the mirror, we can see the taxi behind the shower curtain)

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor!

(She turns around and sees the British taxi come out of her shower, which runs her over off-screen. Mordecai yawns with boredom, and Rigby is scared, holding a pillow. In the movie, an old man is walking his dog, and hears the taxi's engine. It's standing behind him)

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor!

(The old man tries to run away, but he gets hit. Rigby watches in horror as the taxi eats him. He's also sweating hard)

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor!

(the taxi spits out some of the man's bones from the engine, and, later, it's killing more people)

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor!

(more screaming occurs before the movie ends and the screen goes to static. Mordecai snores before immediately waking up)

Mordecai - Huh? Is it over? (turns off the TV and rubs his eyes) Dude, that was so cheesy. I mean, what was up with the taxi? Was it supposed to be evil or normal but haunted by a ghost... (Rigby looks freaked out by the movie) ...controlling the taxi or what? You know?

(Fade in to their room. Mordecai is peacefully asleep while Rigby trying to go to sleep. He gets up and looks through the window. He sees no taxi at first, but when he looks at the same spot again, it's there.)

Rigby - Mordecai!

(Mordecai is still asleep. Rigby turns around and sees the British taxi right by his window. He screams and runs to Mordecai)

Rigby - (shakes Mordecai) Mordecai! Wake up! Wake up!

Mordecai - (in taxi's voice) Ello, gov'nor! (turns around to show that his eyes are lit up like carlights. Rigby screams and step back. Mordecai sits up and the British taxi comes out of his body and comes toward Rigby before nightmare ends. Rigby wakes up, screaming, until he gets hit by a pillow thrown by Mordecai).

Mordecai - Dude, chill out! You're screaming like a freaking maniac!

Rigby - I keep having nightmares!

Mordecai - Just dream about something else then. (lies back down) Dream like you're a tough guy or something.

Rigby - (trying to sleep) I'm a tough guy. (says "tough guy" repeatedly).

(In his dream, he is a tough guy named Fists and is walking down the street at nighttime)

Fists - They say this city's tough. But I'm tougher. (walks into a dark alley, and a gangster with half of his hair shaved off follows him with a knife)

Gangster - You walked down the wrong alley, Riggerson. (Fists pins him against the wall)

Fists - The name's... (pulls fist back) ...Fists! (about to punch him, but then, the taxi comes and shines its lights on him and the gangster)

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor!

(Fists screams before taxi drives into Fists. Rigby wakes up screaming from his nightmare)

Mordecai - Augh! (sits up) What the heck, Rigby?!

Rigby - It's that stupid British taxi! It's all up inside my brain!

Mordecai - (groans) I knew it! I knew this would happen! I told you we shouldn't have watched that movie!

Rigby - I know. I'm sorry. I can't help it.

Mordecai - (sighs) Alright dude, we'll just desensitize you to the horror. We're gonna watch "Ello Gov'nor" over and over again until you stop being scared.

(Rigby gets scared. Cut to the living room, where Mordecai is holding Rigby to the TV as it's paused on a frame of Ello Gov'nor)

Mordecai - Look at it! Look at it!

Rigby - Let me go!

Mordecai - It's not real! You can see the microphone showing! (sure enough, a boom mic is seen on the frame) Look at it!

Rigby - Get off me!

Mordecai - I'm sick of you keeping me up! You look at it!

Rigby - Let me go! (fade to the daytime)

Mordecai - Look at it!

Rigby - Let me go!

Mordecai - (fade back to nighttime) Look at it! (fade back to daytime. M&R are tired) Look.... At it. You look at it. You...look at it.

Rigby - Let.... Me.... GO! (Rigby breaks free and gets the movie out of the VCR. He throws it against the wall as Benson comes into the room)

Benson - What the heck is going on?!

Mordecai - (pushes Rigby) Rigby's just freaked out by this dumb British movie we watched.

Benson - Well, you'd better have this mess cleaned up by the time I get back from my cricket game!

Mordecai - Cricket?

Benson - Yeah. I'm trying new things. So what?

Mordecai - (gasps) Will British people be there?

Benson - It's cricket, what do you think?

(cuts to cricket match. Sure enough, British people are there)

Mordecai - See Rigby, there's nothing to be afraid of. See how calm and collected these British dudes are? (British people come walking up to MR&B)

British People - Ello gov'nor! Ello gov'nor, ello gov'nor, ello, ello, ello... (Rigby gets scared by their greetings. The British people look evil for some reason. Suddenly, the British Taxi appears)

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor! (Rigby screams and runs away)

Mordecai - Rigby! RIGBY! (Rigby's still running towards the house. Pops and Skips walk up to Mordecai) Aw man, I knew we shouldn't have watched that lame car movie.

Skips - He's scared of cars now?

Mordecai - No, just British taxis.

Pops - What a silly notion, my British taxi isn't scary at all.

Mordecai - Wait, Pops, you own a British taxi?

Pops - Yes!

(clock transition to a barn. Mordecai, Rigby and Pops are entering)

Rigby - What's in the barn?

Mordecai - Something that's gonna get rid of your fear.

(Pops opens barn doors. A yellow taxi stands alone in there)

Pops - There she is! Isn't she a beauty?

Mordecai - What the heck Pops? I thought you said you had a British taxi!

Pops - A British taxi? Oh, I thought you said a brownish taxi!

Mordecai - But that taxi's yellow.

Pops - Yellow? My taxi is no coward, I guarantee you that!

Mordecai - (sighs) Never mind. (Him and Pops get ready to enter the taxi) Ready to go for a ride?

Rigby - In that thing?! No way!

Mordecai - It's not even a British taxi! Come on.

Rigby - I don't care, a taxi's a taxi!

Mordecai - It'll be fun! We'll just go for a little ride.

Rigby - Uhh, I got to go to the bathroom.

(cut to the bathroom, Rigby washes hands and pulls the toilet paper to see a tire print. Rigby is shocked as lightning strikes. Rigby looks up to the mirror to see the taxi)

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor!

(Rigby gasps and runs out of the bathroom. He goes into a dark office and pants when he stands by the door. The phone rings and Rigby grabs the phone to hear who's on the other end)

British Taxi - (over phone) Ello, gov'nor!

(Rigby screams and throws the phone. He turns to the sound of a fax machine printing out the words "ello gov'nor." Rigby screams and runs out, and decides to go with Mordecai and Pops)'

Rigby - Let's go, let's go! (gets into the taxi) Drive!

(Pops drives out of barn)

Mordecai - What?! What is it?!

Rigby - That British taxi, man! It's following me!

Mordecai - Dude, come on! You're just seeing things!

Rigby - No! It was the British taxi and it was real!

Mordecai - So it came out of the movie then?

Rigby - I don't know! Maybe!

Mordecai - All right, fine, look, you're safe now anyways. Let's just try to relax and calm down, Pops will drive us around for a bit.

Rigby - Hmph.

(fade into sometime later. Pops drives into the woods. Mordecai has fallen asleep, but Pops, although tired, still drives on)

Rigby - Wait, Pops! Where are we going?

Pops - I always drive deep into the woods when I want to clear my mind. Don't you just love the scenery?

(Rigby looks out the window at the trees. They all have evil-looking faces on them. It scares Rigby, and leaves him panting against the seat. He looks out the window again to see the British Taxi. Rigby gasps and looks back to see it driving closer and closer. He whimpers as the car suddenly stops)

Pops - Oh, bother.

Rigby - What? Why are we stopping?! What's going on?!

Pops - It seems we've run out of gasoline.

Rigby - Oh man, oh man, this is not good! He's coming and we're stuck here! Mordecai!

Mordecai - (Wakes up, screaming) What, what is it?!

Rigby - We ran out of gas, and he's coming for me! (ducks to bottom of taxi)

Mordecai - (to Pops) Come on, we gotta get out and push. (to Rigby) Come on, Rigby!

Rigby - No! I'm not going out there!

Mordecai - Fine, Pops and I will push you all the way home then. (Him and Pops exit the taxi and start pushing it back) Geez.

Rigby - No, no, no, no, no, not back this way! (sees headlights of British taxi and gasps. They're coming closer) No, no, no, no, no! (M&P see the British taxi coming, but aren't scared)

Mordecai - All right, help!

(Rigby gets out of the taxi screaming, and runs off) Rigby! (looks back and sees that the car really is the British taxi)

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor!

Mordecai - Holy crap, it's real! Run, Pops!

(M&P run away. The British taxi runs over Pops' taxi, shattering it to pieces. Rigby's still running. M&P follow. The taxi is still chasing the three. They all jump over a log, but the British taxi keeps going and runs over the log)

Mordecai - Pops, look out! (grabs Pops in the nick of time. The taxi's still driving on. M&P watch it go) Oh no! It's going after Rigby! We gotta help him! (Pops puts his hat back on)

Mordecai and Pops - Rigby! (Rigby is still running. His tail touches the grill, almost running him over. Rigby sprints, and ends up in a dead end. The taxi comes up and corners Rigby, leading him to lean against a tree. The taxi isn't giving up)

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor. (Rigby screams)

Mordecai - Rigby!

(M&P get hit by the taxi's doors, knocking them unconcious.

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor!

Rigby - I'm no gov'nor!

(Rigby tries to run away, but bumps into a tree. The British taxi laughs evilly. Rigby opens his eyes and sees the taxi try to run him over)

British Taxi - Ello, gov'nor! (Rigby gets up to face the taxi)

Rigby - The name's FISTS! (smashes taxi's headlights) Leave me alone! (punches bumper and kicks grill) I hate you! (pulls doors off, bites off taxi sign, and rips off roof. Then, he walks off and smashes a tree atop the ravaged car) Stop following me around!

(cut to Mordecai holding Rigby down. Rigby's squirming)

Mordecai - Rigby! Wake up! Rigby, stop it!

Rigby - Stop... Mordecai?

Pops - Oh, thank show you're all right.

Rigby - I did it, I conquered my fear. I cleaned that taxi's clock, with my fists.

Mordecai - Kind of, you hit your head and started going psycho on the taxi, but, actually, the taxi was a kid.

(the taxi unfolds itself to reveal that it was the employee from the video store)

Rigby - You?!

Employee - Yeah, what's your problem?

Rigby - Why were you following me in that taxi suit?

Employee - (sighs. He's holding a paper) My boss made me wear this. I'm from the video store. Your rental is overdue.

Mordecai - Why didn't you just call or something?

Employee - I did, and I sent a fax!

Rigby - That was you?!

Employee - Yes! So can you just return the video, please?

Rigby - We broke it.

Employee - Well, you're gonna have to pay for it.

Mordecai and Rigby - Pops?

Pops - Of course! I'm afraid the smallest bill I have is a 100. Will that do?

Employee - Yeah. Sure. (Pops hands him a lollipop, not a $100.00 bill) Is this some kind of joke? (sees Mordecai and Rigby taking Pops away) I gotta get a better job.

(cut to the house. M&R are in bed)

Rigby - Hey, Mordecai?

Mordecai - Augh, not again!

Rigby - Don't worry dude, I'm not scared again. I just—Thanks dude, for helping me out with my fears and stuff.

Mordecai - No problem, man. Good night, Rigby.

Rigby - Good night, Mordecai.

(ripple transition to Rigby's dream. He's in his Fists persona, driving a car)

Fists - They say this city's pretty tough. But I'm tougher.

(It's shown that he's driving British Taxi, and he's in the sky. The car flies off towards the moon as we fade to black. End of "Ello Gov'nor")