Attack of the Jedi

1 [] Narrator: The tide of the war has turned. Darth sidious' plot to create An army of sith clones has failed, Along with his other plot to clone the one clone The sith did clone into clones cloned from that clone. I have no idea what I just read. Let's just say the bad guys are losing. Fire! These awesome looking legs are not good for running. Rather exciting. [beeping] Oh-oh. Dream team, away. Fleeing, they are! After them-- whoa! Buckled up, I should have. Bene: We've got you, yoda! And we've got them too. Fire! Yoda: Ooh! Aah! Oh! [cheering] Master yoda, geonosis is ours. Do you know what this means? Yes. Medal ceremony! [all cheering] [] And so, as your supreme chancellor, I am overjoyed to report that, Once again, the sith have been routed by, essentially, Four children, two droids And an 800-year old green guy. [all clamoring] Yes. Yay. Life isn't fair! Dooku: The rule of two didn't really work out. So we have a new strategy. It's not clones that we need, but more apprentices. And that is why you will be the first class Of our new sith academy! [all cheer] And I am happy to welcome you as our first badawans. We, your teachers, Are certain you will be bad enough to succeed. Uh, count dooku, sir? You know your name sounds like doodoo, right? [gasps] Show some respect! The sith are vicious and vengeful, But we are not rude. Sorry. Oh, by the way, Do you know what time it is? Oh, sure. It's, um... Argh! Time for you to get a new lightsaber! [all laughing] Why, you little-- Asajj ventress: Don't let them get to you! You're not helping! [sighs] Argh, let me go! All the baddies in one place. Bingo. Commander cody to obi-wan kenobi. I've got news that'll blow your mind, bro. Senators, I declare that our most pressing issue is... We have to start planning the "we won the war" party. Meesa say weesa have it on naboo! Balderdash! The celebration should be on hoth! May the senator from funkistan be recognized? Moved and seconded, baby! [chatter] Hold on. Hold on! I want to win as much as the next supreme chancellor, But let's not be hasty. The war is far from over. Obi-wan: Not so fast, chancellor! We've just learned the location of several Major sith lords and their new apprentices! They're all gathered together on mustafar! Wipe out the enemy we could with a surprise attack! Excellent thinking! Prepare an attack and send every available jedi to mustafar now! Then it's time to victory party down! [all clamoring] Oh, it'll be a victory party all right. For the sith! [laughs] The jedi are planning a surprise attack. But they'll be surprised when we ambush them! It's my favorite thing... A trap! Excellent, my lord. Maul: Come back here! Come on. Will the badawans be ready? Oh, they are a handful, But our discipline officer, poggle the lesser, Will take care of them. [] [coughs] [sighs] [speaking in foreign language] Oh, dear. [all laughing] [speaking in foreign language] I wish you hadn't seen that. That makes two of us. Now sit tight, I'm coming there to whip those badawans into shape And personally lead the ambush. Don't you dum-dums do anything until I arrive. [laughing] I am so gonna win, gonna win the jedi are gonna lose, gonna lose [laughs] Set course for mustafar and-- [shrieks] What are you doing here? Massing our fleet for the attack, we are. Going where, are you? Oh, I want to, uh... Come along with you, and... Watch our great victory! Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Very well, but you're too valuable To fly into a war zone yourself. Anakin and I will come with you and keep you safe. Oh, well, then, that's wonderful. And I will be your protocol droid. That's wonderful-er! C-3po: I shall never leave your side! Palpatine: That's wonderful-est! C-3po: Chancellor, do you know I'm fluent in bocce And can speak the binary language of moisture vaporators. Palpatine: Oh, this is going to be a long ride. [] [students whimpering] Dooku: Yes, you better be scared. Because darth sidious, the evilest man ever, Is coming to teach you some manners. Now! Here he is... Now. [students snickering] General, find him and bring him here. Find him where? Wherever he is! Just find him. Now! "find him now." Yoda: Jedi, course for mustafar set. Bene: Ready, master! Anakin: Chancellor, today we finally defeat the evil sith. You must be thrilled. Oh, yes, you know me, mr. Sith-hater. Although, you could say that evil is everywhere. What? You know... I'm just saying, I bet there are heroes on both sides. No, there aren't. Right. So where were we? Oh, yes, crushing the sith! That's what I'm all about. Lord sidious! It is me. [shrieks] Robo-call! Don't you hate those? That was rather odd. I know, right? As if the leader of the enemy would want to call me? Ha, ha, I'm-- [horn honks] It's me, grievous! I work for you! He's lying! I don't know him! I've never met him! I'm a good guy! Attack! Not good. I'll take it from here, chancellor. [all yelling] Yoda: After him! [] I saw this work in a movie once! Yoda: Escape, he must not. Into the asteroid field follow him. Yes! A real space battle. [all cheer] Palpatine: This is madness! Do you know what the odds of successfully navigating An asteroid field are? C-3po: No, but I'll look it up if we survive! [laughs] Where did he go? Everyone talks about my acts, But not my superior brain. Which is not very smart. I love you, evil. Into hyperspace we must go! Pardon me, master, but-- no time to argue! Go! Making the jump in three, two... An oopsie, I made. Obi-wan: ...One! [all scream] Passed on and become one with the force, have I? Thank the maker! You're alive! No such luck have I. [groans] Oh, dear, r2. Allow me to me of assistance. No, the little blue piece goes here! Jamming it in doesn't mean it belongs! [yoda sighs] Blew this, I did. Now ruined, the entire fleet is. Anakin: Not all of it. Did that so fast, how did you? We're kids. Kids are good at this stuff. Excellent work! Now we just need someone to take the bus to coruscant And get some new ships. Hmm... Oh, how about me? Time we have not. Warn the sith, general grievous will, I fear. Need our fleet repaired now, we do. And not getting the job done, you are. Both: It's his fault! Master yoda, we know someone nearby who can help us Put all of our ships back together quickly. Impossible. All of the jedi are here. He's not exactly a jedi. [] [crowd cheers and applauds] Thank you. Thank you. [crowd gasping] Jek: I think we have visitors. But I don't think they'll be here long. My mom says I'm not supposed to dangle from trees. Pardon me, chancellor, but could you move your face? It's under my foot. Oh, why am I even here? Yoda: Keeping you safe, we are. And how's that working out? Oh, come on. All: Hi, jek. You again? Yes. And not proud to be so easily fooled, am I. I tried to warn you. I told you the last time to leave me alone. I'm not a jedi, and I'm not a sith. Have we met before? I don't think so. Look, a tree! The answer is no. I won't help you. My padawan, turn on the charm, you must. Hm? Please, master jek, we need your help. [sighs] Oh, all right, I'll help you. But only because you asked nice and smiled. [all cheer] Weird it looks when smile I do. Oh, great! And once we're back in business, I'll volunteer to fly ahead And scout out the battlefield! No, too dangerous for you this battle will be. Here you stay. Keep you safe, the ewoks will. [chatter] Uh, words can't express my happiness right now. What do you mean he was surrounded by jedi? That's what I'm telling you! He's on his way to you with them now! Then get back here. We must prepare. Stop it! Oof! Um, I think I'll just keep looking for lord sidious. Take me with you! Please! Sorry, gotta go! [] Wow. Some mess you've got here. Anakin: We don't need you. We can fix this ourselves. Looks like you're doing great so far. Yeah, well, good luck putting A dozen ships back together, genius. Who said a dozen? Huh? Huh? [] [all cheering] I don't believe it. That... Is why you fail. Hm... Use that line someday, can I? Hm? Grievous: No sign of sidious. What if he's been captured? He may be undergoing horrible torture at this very moment. [ewoks singing] [groans] Well, isn't this nice? Just think the fleet is about to go to battle, But we're here right at arms bay with our delightful companions! That's just ducky. What are they singing? Oddly enough, a direct translation would be "it's very hot and smelly inside these suits." Charming. [ewoks continue singing] [groans] I can't take these teddy bears anymore! [coughing] Chancellor, is something wrong? I have a severe allergy to ewoks! My throat is closing up... I must get away from here! But you can't leave. Master yoda said-- My ears are closing too. Bye now! [laughs] Now to lead the sith to victory. Oh! Hang on. Ow. That's it. It wobbles. Ow! [laughs] Yes! Victory! And I'll just wait here then, shall I? Uh, till someone comes to fetch me? Now where have I seen something like this before? Oh! Now I remember. Help. Somebody help. Anybody! Palpatine: If I hurry up, I can get there in time for the attack. It's the ungrateful sith clone! Once we defeat the jedi, I shall rule the galaxy as president. No, wait. King! No! Emperor! I like the way that rolls out. "emperor palpatine." Super-evil. Eat this, sith clone! Oh... Obi-wan: Let's move it. Time to attack. Saved us, you did. And grateful, we are. Don't mention it. Good luck with your battle. Need it we will. To mustafar! [] Vaash ti: We love you, jek! Huh? Hm. [sniffs] Who am I kidding? I need to help those kids. And I got no ship. [sighs] Grievous: How could I know it was you? I'm not a mind reader. If you were, you'd know I'm ticked at you right now! But I'm in a forgiving mood since this will be My happiest day ever. Once again, The sith will rule the galaxy! [sizzling] Ow, ow, ow! [grunting] I'm going to ask you-- ow! --Nicely, just one more time... Put us down! Not until you give us a full refund of our tuition. And fees. Stop this nonsense at once! Who's the old buzzard? [groans] I am your master, punk! I'll deal with your incompetence later, dooku, But we have no time to lose. The jedi fleet will be here soon And we will be waiting to ambush them! Do you want to tell him? I'm not telling him. Tell me what? Ah! Hello there, fellow good guys. Chancellor, why talking to sith lords are you? Um, I was giving them a chance to surrender. But they won't, so attack! Huh? All: Amazing fliplead. Sorry. Oh, that was bogus! [all grunting] [laughs] [kids whistle] [cheer] [laughs] Ow. My eyes! You bad kids are gonna get a time-out! [yells] [beeping] Time to bring out the big guns. Ackbar: A tactical robot army platoon. It's a trap! Say hello to admiral attackbar. Retreat! Palpatine: Great move! Hooray for us! Excuse me. Okay, here's the plan. Wait for them behind this rock! [laughs] They ran behind that rock! Attack! Hep, hep, hep. [beeping] [laughs] Hep, hep, hep. Hey. Where are they? Surprise! [laughs] Oh, no, now you're outnumbered. Such a pity. [beeping] [all gasp] Ooh, how did that happen? Excuse me again. [cackles] We've got them now. Crush them! [all clamoring] Ha-ha-ha! Jek: Stop! Huh? [] [speaking in foreign language] It's jek! Show up at the very last second, why does every one? I had to come back. I like you guys too much. Nice ship. Not. Did you get that out of a cereal box? [all laughing] Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. [all yelling] [cheering] You! Uh-oh. You almost destroyed me! Oh. Did I? No hard feelings, I'm sure. [grunting] Here's one thing you should remember. Being bad... Is not... Good! [] Now, let's go... Home. [all cheering] Hey. Wait for your loyal leader! Well, we sure beat those bad guys today, didn't we? Did you see me cheering you on? I was rooting for us all the way. Grievous: This is not good. Not good at all. Girl: This is the worst prep school ever. [] Lando: All right, party time! ooh, yeah it's time to boogie [sighs] Something wrong, anakin? Why should that clone get all the glory? I'm the chosen one! Indeed. Well, I think you're a great jedi. Thanks. And you're a good man. And you're an excellent judge of character. This is so undignified. Hello. Hello, is anybody coming? [chatter] Thank the maker, rescue is at hand. [ewoks singing] Oh, that's not going to help. No, no, no, I said stop. I hate that song. It is not cute. Stop it! I'm suffering an attack of ewok allergy. You put the "sick" in "music." Now I want to be melted down for sure.