Space Colony

I am so happy Mr. Davenport gave everyone the day off, because it's way too hot to train. Yeah, well, lucky for you, your brother's a bionic air conditioner. Adam, nobody wants your disgusting breath blowing all over Oh, good heavens, that is so much better! Get my back. Get my back. Hey, guys. (All saying hello) Hi. Mom, what are you doing here in the middle of the week? Did you finally give up that two-bit job as a local news reporter? Ahem! Everybody, I have a very important announcement. I Donald Davenport am the first person to create a livable environment on another planet. What? Behold my very own space colony. (All exclaiming) You've colonized a planet? Why didn't you tell me? Because it was top secret, and because every time I tell you guys anything, then you blow it up, burn it down, crack it in half or sink it. Hey, that is not - Yeah, it is true. - Mm-hmm. Looks cool. Is that Mars? (Scoffs) Please. Mars? Mars is for amateurs. I colonized a planet in an entirely different galaxy. Oh, by the way, did I mention I discovered an entirely different galaxy? How dare you? The planet is called Lithios, and this high-tech dome mimics the Earth's environment, providing oxygen and gravity to the 50 colonists that I hand-picked for the project. I'm also the honorary mayor of the colony, which I have named Davenportia. Shocking. Those colonists have been living there for almost a month, and they are lovin' every Daven minute of it. And pretty soon, you will all get to meet them. That's right. We are going on a family vacation to space! You told me we were going to Greece. Well, Davenportia is the Greece of space. Anyway, so it'll be a lot cooler there. It is way too hot here today. No worries. I got you covered. (Yells) That's gonna leave a Daven stain. The world's first bionic superhumans. They're stronger than us. Faster. Smarter. The next generation of the human race is living on a bionic island. This is it. Welcome to my intergalactic spacecraft; my pride and joy. Isn't she beautiful? Wow! I never thought I'd be jealous of a spaceship. Oh, come on, honey, don't be jealous. You don't stand a chance against this thing. I can't believe this spaceship's been under the island all this time. That explains why he didn't make us live in the basement. Mr. Davenport, this is awesome. If I was a nerd, I'd totally be geeking out right now. (Goofy excited laughter) Cool. What's that? Oh, that's my high-velocity escape suit. It's made out of ultra-protective material that will allow me to fly back to Earth in case we encounter any kind of emergency. While in space. But there's only one suit. What about the rest of us? The rest of you better hope there's no emergencies. (Deep voice) I am Zolton, leader of the planet Darkom. Bow to me, puny inferior being. Adam Who is this Adam you speak of? - I am Zolton! - Adam! - Zolton! - Give me that helmet. No, I will not. Zolton does not understand the human language. Oh, but he speaks it? Zolton will get back to you when he has an answer for that. Okay, people, listen up. As your mission leader, it's my responsibility to inform you of what to do in case of an emergency. Since we'll be traveling at speeds greater than 186,000 miles per second Blah blah blah. I got this. Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, there are two exits on the aircraft one in the front and in the rear. In the event of a water landing, Chase can be used as a flotation device. Okay, Bree, Leo, Tasha, Mr. Davenport, you're all up front with me. Adam, you're in the back. What? Why am I in the back? Because you are so immature, you can't even pay attention to my safety directives. And I don't feel like traveling across two galaxies hearing, "Ooh, what does this button do?" 800 times! I'm not immature. And for your information, I know what all these buttons do. Like this one right here works the windshield wipers. Adam, no! Adam: Chase, what do we do in an emergency again? Wow. Look at the moon. Are we there yet? No. Wow, look at Saturn. Are we there yet?! No! Adam: Are we there yet? Adam, if you ask "Are we there yet?" one more time, I swear, I'm gonna lose it. Okay, sorry. How much longer till we get there? Relax. Everybody, relax! Now that we've left the solar system, we can initiate hyper-speed. What's hyper-speed? This. Welcome to Davenportia. Isn't it beautiful? Ah, who needs Greece when you can come here? It's lovely. But if you really wanna make it up to me, you should rename it Tashadonia. Oh, honey, you know I love me more than I love you. Hey, what's this big bubble for? It's not a bubble. It's a dome. Don't care. Still wanna pop it. Well, you can't. It protects everything in here from the planet's natural elements. Without that dome, there'd be no oxygen, and all the colonists would die. Donald, that sounds dangerous. It is. That's why I didn't tell these guinea pigs until after they signed their paperwork. Hi. How you doing? I don't care if you're not the waiter. I want more space pancakes. Perry?! What are you doing up here? Wherever the bus stops, I get off. Forget that. How did you get here? I snuck up here weeks ago with the rest of these bozos. I can blend in anywhere. I spent three months on the South Korean gymnastics team. How dare you sneak up here uninvited? That's Tasha, the one I was telling you about. That's a new low. Never been bad-mouthed on another planet before. Oh, I doubt that's true. This command center is the electronic nervous system of Davenportia. From this chair, I can monitor all the activity in the colony. Man, you old people will do anything to just sit around and watch TV all day. Love the colony, Mr. Davenport. Thanks. This is just the beginning. Pretty soon, there will be Davenportias throughout the universe. I don't know if aliens exist, but if they do, they are gonna hate you. I have a very important scientific question. While we're here, is it okay if I eat stuff off the ground? No. Okay. Follow-up question. How do I regurgitate stuff I've eaten off the ground? You see? This is what I'm talking about. Mature people don't eat stuff off the ground. Big D., you better get over here. I think we have a problem. Oh, no. The main communication satellite is down. What happened? I don't know. Something must've hit it. Asteroid, space debris. Now we have no way of communicating with the Earth. I need you three to take the spacecraft out and repair the satellite. Leo and I will stay here and re-establish contact - once it's up and running. - Let's go. Adam, he just told you not to eat stuff off the floor up here. Relax. I got this off the floor at home. They should almost be at the satellite. As soon as they fix the problem, communications will be restored, and everything will be back to normal. Right, if normal is living a trillion miles from home in an ego-maniac's space bubble. (Alarm blaring) What's that? That's the dome's emergency system. Something must have punctured it. Ah! Look! Wow, Big D., first your satellite's down, then there's a hole in the dome. I'm sorry, but your colony's only getting two stars in my online review. If we don't patch that hole, all the oxygen in the colony will be sucked out in a matter of hours, and we'll both be dead! Excuse me?! Stop talking, Tasha. You're sucking up all the oxygen! All right, we're at the satellite. Adam, help me put on my jet pack. Sure, but first, there's something I've always wanted to try. Blowin' a bubble in zero gravity. Whoa! Awesome! This is so cool. Childish but cool. More bubbles comin' up. Adam, stop. If that gum gets on any of the equipment, Mr. Davenport is gonna freak out. - Adam! - (Laughing) That's it. Hey! You're a black hole of fun. Seriously? You got gum all over my gloves. (Frustrated groan) Hey, can I turn the zero gravity back on? I just drank a gallon of water, and there's something else I've always wanted to do in space. Chase, do you see anything? No. I don't get it. There's no structural damage. Hang on, I'll do a scan. That's weird. The signal was shut off at the colony. Someone back there must be tampering with it. Who would do that? I don't know. This sounds like a job for Zolton. - I'll get the helmet. - No. Hang on, I'm coming in. Uh, Chase, door's over here, bud. I know. Adam's gum jammed the controls. They're stuck. Hang on. I think I got it. (Screaming) - (Screaming continues) - What are you doing? It won't stop. Help! Okay, Adam, we have to fly the ship and go get him. Got it. Do you know how to do that? Nope. Ooh, but I bet Zolton does. Now can I get the helmet? - Adam, this is serious. - Okay, fine. Maybe this'll do it. Ah. There's those windshield wipers. Chase! Chase! He's not responding. He must be out of range. Great. He's speeding off into space, and we have no idea how to work this thing. Way to come up here unprepared, Bree. Wait. There's someone on the ship. (Loud yawn) Perry? What are you doing here? Took a nap in the engine room. I find the violent rumble of rocket engines to be soothing, but the fumes knock me out cold. Okay, we lost Chase in space. - Score! - No, this is serious. We don't know how to fly this thing, and if we don't figure it out, - we're gonna lose him forever. - Score! Okay, you know what? Forget it. I will just figure out how to fly this thing myself. (Console beeping, alarm blaring) Okay, I'm done. Relax. I used to be an astronaut. I know how to fly this bird. - Yeah, right. - I do. Back in the day, me and my buddy Buck Champ used to ride rings around Neptune, till an unfortunate ejector seat accident. Okay. You know what? That's it. You never had any of these jobs. You were never an astronaut, you never played basketball in Romania, you never knocked out Muhammad Ali. You are a liar. Hey, I don't lie. When you get fired from as many jobs as I do, you gotta take whatever you can get. - Why did you get fired so much? - For lying. Okay, T-minus ten to lift-off. Hydraulics engaged. Boosting the vector rates of the orbital thrusters. We are set for maximum propulsion. - What does that mean? - It means sit back and shut your trap. I'm drivin' this beast! The hole in the dome is bigger than I thought. We have to hurry. Power up your jet pack. Let's go. - On it. - Are you sure this is safe? He's just a boy. Maybe you could hold hands when you're up there. Mom! Can we? Everything is gonna be fine. We just have to hurry. Tasha, I need you to keep the colonists calm. Can you do that? Please, Donald, I am more than capable in a crisis. Listen up, colony people. My name is Tasha Davenport. A major news reporter from the Earth. Major? As you all know, we are dealing with a horrible disaster, but good news. My husband and son are going up to fix it. Which means most of you probably won't die. Mitzi, Beef, get over here. I think I found the vapor trail from Chris' jet pack. His name is Chase. Call him whatever you want. He ain't gonna be around to hear it. I think he crash-landed on that planet. How? He would've burned up as soon as he entered the planet's atmosphere. What are we waitin' for? Let's land this baby, grab his bones, and bury them next to Buck. None of our navigation devices are working on this planet. How are we supposed to track Chase's location? This place is creepy. I'm more worried there's something tracking us. (Chase screaming) Aliens! Get off of me. It's not aliens, it's Chase. Come on. (Screaming) Help me up. How did you survive? My force field prevented me from burning up in the atmosphere and cushioned my landing. Hey, look, there is intelligent life here. The aliens put their sprinklers on a timer. BREE: Oh, no, they got water on my navigation device. That's not water. It's acid. Run! We need to relax and enjoy things when we're on vacation. It's always go, go, go. Oh, good. You made it back. Two more minutes, and I was gonna ditch ya. How is she You know what? I don't even wanna know. Glad that's over. That place was scary, huh, Chase? Don't talk to me. What? Why? Because of you, I almost died. We all almost died. When are you gonna realize that your stupid actions have consequences? - Chase - Don't Chase me. You're always saying you wanna be treated like an adult. Well, here's an idea. Why don't you grow up and start acting like one? Until then, we may be brothers, but I am not your friend. Aw. You look like you could use a hug. Whoa! I never said you were gettin' one from me. The molecular sealant is patching the hole, but there's still one area I can't reach. In less than a minute, the dome's gonna run out of oxygen. Let me try. No! It's too dangerous. You'll probably get sucked out into space. I'll do it. Almost there. Almost there. Big D., be careful. I got you. Hang on. I'll reverse my thrusters. It's not working. The suction's too strong. Don't worry. I got this. - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh what? Nothing. When I pull you back in, spray the sealant and patch the hole. - Leo. - Just do it! Grab my hand. Hurry. We did it. You know, in honor of me saving your life, I'm thinking we should rename this place Dooleyopolis. What is it with you and your mom trying to put your name on everything? Feels good to be back on the Daven ground. Wait. Where is everyone? Mom? Mom? That is weird. Where did they go? Mr. Davenport, the satellite's fine. The signal was manipulated from here. What? That doesn't make any sense. (Footsteps approaching) It really is Zolton. Who are you? You know exactly who I am. Krane. I knew you'd show up sooner or later. Where's my wife? What have you done with the colonists? In due time. But for now, what do you say we focus on our little reunion? Just for the sake of asking, if we were to sacrifice Tasha Get over here. We blasted you miles into the sky. How are you even alive? What are the odds he'd land here? (Garbled speech) What? I said (Garbled speech) Still not gettin' it. Sounds like something's jammed in your air duct. - Better? - All: Yeah. When I fell back to Earth, I sustained severe injuries. This face plate helps me breathe. Well, I think I speak for all of us when I say it's an upgrade, because that chain of paper clips you had hangin' off your face was not working. Okay. Still got that old trick. And a few new ones, too. How did you get up here? I used a cyber cloak, pretended I was a colonist. Remember Roberta from Kentucky? It all makes sense now. The satellite, the hole in the dome. It was you. When I heard you were creating a space colony in another galaxy, I realized this was my perfect opportunity. To become a middle-aged Southern woman? To create a new base camp for my bionic army, far away from any meddling humans. Well, you don't have a bionic army anymore. They work for us now. I have a new army. Your colonists. They're about to be implanted with bionics, which brings me to Dr. Gao. Dr. Gao is a scientist who's come up with a new way of creating bionic humans. Liquid injection. We will never let you put bionics in those innocent people. You won't have a choice. Look familiar? With the Triton App device, I can make you do anything I want. Nice try, but the Triton App won't work on us. Mr. Davenport put a block in our chips. You may have a block, but your father doesn't. Chase! No! (Evil laughter) Who's your daddy now? Big D. It's too late. He's already under Krane's control. Please, whatever you do, don't turn me into a bionic soldier. Just puttin' on a little show for the kids. I'm all yours. Pass. Gao, come and get the newest member of my army. Gladly. Don't even think about it. (Laughing) Wait, he can geo-leap? After I fell back to Earth, Dr. Gao was the only person who could fix me. Since he's a scientist, I paid him back with my most precious resource the same bionic secrets Douglas gave me. With those secrets, I was able to apply my own science to create this. Liquid bionics. Once this bionic fluid enters the human bloodstream, the compounds begin to solidify, forming a bionic infrastructure that communicates with the muscles and brain, creating one incredibly powerful bionic human. Why are you helping a madman? (Laughs) Who's to say I'm not madder than he is? Destroy them. Yoo-hoo. Still here. Just waiting to be bionicated. Look, lady, pass means pass. (Shrieks) Ah! Is it just me, or does Krane have a really bad case of the Terry Perrys? What are you talking about? The man tried to kill you. That's right. A crime of passion. Guys, we have got to do something before they inject Mr. Davenport and Tasha and turn them into bionic soldiers. Yeah. Although it would be kinda cool to see Tasha with bionics. Ooh, she could be the world's first flying news reporter. She could interview birds. I know this is a tall order, but can you please think before you speak? Thought you weren't talking to me. (Scoffs) I'm not. - Okay, you just did. - No. No, I didn't. - Yeah, you did. - No. I talked at him. - There's a difference. - No, not really. Can we please just get back to Mr. Davenport and Tasha?! You know, Don and Tasha have given us some really good memories. Maybe we should just treasure them and move on. Who gets their stuff? Wait a minute. Where's Leo? You know, Leo has given us some really good memories. Wait. Where is Leo? Leo is busy coming up with his own plan. Nice. That's exactly the firepower we need. Where'd you get it? I packed it on the spacecraft. Did you really think I'd fly out here empty-handed? I've seen enough space movies to know that the fourth banana gets it right out of the gate. Time to begin building our bionic army. I say we start with the tiny vain one. Leo: Not so fast, chin strap. Ha! Didn't think we'd find you, did you? The entire colony is one square mile. Yeah, well, we walked that mile, and we found you. You really think that toy is going to do anything to the two most powerful beings in the universe? We're about to find out. Get him! (Shrieking) Leo, keep shooting. You imbecile. What are you doing? Bree, now. Let's finish this, Leo. That should do it. Come on, we have to get out of here. - What about Gao? - We don't have time. The entire dome is about to collapse. We have to get everyone to the spacecraft fast. So now you're talkin' to me again. Just go! All right, the colonists are locked up in the back with Davenport and Tasha. Great. Once we get back to Earth, we can deactivate their Triton Apps. Do we have to? I think Mr. Davenport looks kinda nice with green eyes. That dome's about to come down. We need to get out of here. Saddle up, skin boards. This filly's locked and loaded and rarin' to jam out of the space rock stable. That one's for you, Buck. Wow, looks like we made it out of there just in time. Yeah. Okay, I don't know about you guys, but all this space stuff has me worn out. I'm gonna take a nice, little inter-galactic nap. Chase, just hurry up and get us home. All right, I'll plot a course. I think we can take a shortcut through the Andromeda galaxy. Should be smooth sailing from here. Worst vacation ever. Tell me about it. What do you say tomorrow, we hit the day spa and get our armpits waxed? It'll be a nice change from goin' to the barber shop. Hey, Leo looks nice with green eyes, too. That's the Triton App. - Why is he aiming at us? - Watch out! Get behind me. For a guy who throws like my grandma, he's got really good aim. When I put my force field down, you use your super speed to take him out. Then you subdue him. - Got it. - No problem. Be careful. We don't wanna hurt him. Speak for yourself. Go! Nice work, everybody. Indeed. Very impressive. Aw, thanks, Dr. Gao. (Gasps) Dr. Gao! Did you really think I would just run away and let you go home? I'm just getting started. Capturing your little space colony was just a small piece of our much-greater plan. To begin again. What do you mean, begin again? Wiping out all human existence on Earth, and repopulating it with a better, stronger, bionic civilization. Once I launch my Doomsday missile, it will start a nuclear winter, taking out all life. Then I will inject your colonists with what remains of my bionic liquid, and my new race of superhumans will thrive. Not if we stop you first. Too late. I just launched the rocket. In minutes, the human race will be a distant memory, and there's nothing you pathetic little bionic heroes can do about it. Well, let's wrap this up, shall we? I got colonists to inject, and a bionic army to assemble. The workday grind just never ends. - Get him! - Yeah, get him! Whoa! Destroy them! Yeah. Destroy them! Really? What? I'm trying to end up on the winning side. What now? Chase: Gao's controlling him. Wait. I have an idea. Hey, Leo, catch me. If you can. Cool. Nice work, team. I never doubted you for a minute. Lock him up in the back, and take Leo with you. Now that Gao's out of it, he's not controlling him anymore. Got it. I haven't seen him look this dazed since he walked in on my yoga class. Come with me, Dooley. What was that? Something hit us. (Evil laughter) It's Krane. He's got one of the colony's space pods. I'm not a fan, but this guy really commits. (Laughing) Time for a little payback. Man your stations. Oh, now I get a seat up front. Just sit! All right, let's do this. Loading missiles. If I can't have my army, I'm taking you out with them! He just blew up the weapons bank. We can't defend ourselves. No, we still have the missile that I just loaded. Prepare to launch. Activating homing system. Target is locked. Prepare to fire in three, two He just took out the homing system. The computer can't aim the missile without it. Then I'm just gonna have to do it myself. Tracking. Got you right where I want you. Tracking. Good-bye, my bionic friends. And good riddance! Now! (Screaming) - You did it! - Nice job, bro. Thanks. Hey, what's with all the commotion? Did the big one push another button? So where do you want me to fly this thing? You know, now that the Earth is gonna be uninhabitable. Gao's rocket. It's gonna hit Earth in four minutes, and we don't have anything to intercept it. We can't stop it. I can if I use Mr. Davenport's high-velocity escape suit. Chase, that's too risky. Your body could never withstand the force. You'll be ripped to shreds. I'll do it. What? Adam, did you not hear me? You could die. My super strength will give me a better chance of survival. I think one casualty versus an entire planet is worth the risk. - Adam - Let me do this, Chase. You were right. I need to grow up. And this is my time. Okay. It's gonna be very difficult for you to see when you're traveling that fast. I'll help you navigate on the com set. And I'll monitor your vitals. Adam, you ready? Ready. Wait. Just in case you don't make it back, I want you to know that you were always my favorite. But that's not sayin' much. I've located the Doomsday rocket. If you're going to stop it, you have to match its speed. Copy. Engage thrusters. Uh Turn up the things that make you go faster. Got it. Engaging thrusters. How you doing, Adam? Uh, I think I'm all right. I'm seeing stars, but that could be because I'm in space. We have to hurry. Increase thrust to 85%. Oh! Okay, Adam, 95%. Got it. Keep going, Adam. Faster. Chase, his heart rate is going through the roof. I don't think he can take much more. He has to try. You okay, Adam? Yeah. Keep going. You're at 100%. Just so you know, it really hurts. I think I'm burning up. Push it further. You have to go past the limit. Okay. (Screaming) Guys, if I don't make it You're gonna make it. You're almost there. Chase, it's too much. Make him stop, please. Guys, if I don't make it, I want you to know - that you're the best family - (Static) Adam. Adam! Adam! (Beeping) Something's wrong. He's slowing down. What? No. Adam! Answer me! Come on, big guy, come on. Adam! (Beeping slows, becomes continuous tone) - He's gone. - No! (Beeping resumes) Wait. Wait, look. He's speeding up again. Adam, can you hear me? Yeah. Yeah, I can hear you. Sorry. I blacked out for a few, but I'm back. We thought we lost you. Yeah, you're not gonna lose me that easy. Hey, can you guys hold on a second? I've got some unfinished business to take care of. I think I see the rocket. It's pretty close. It's about to enter the earth's atmosphere. We don't have much time. If you can't stop it, the entire planet is toast. Oh, I got this. You'll have to use your super strength to ram it head on. The suit should protect you. Okay. Here goes. Chase: Adam! Adam, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Guys I did it! Oh, you, uh you know that other thing I wanted to do in space? Mission accomplished. Well, Mr. Davenport, aside from losing your entire space program, I'd say it was a pretty successful trip. Yeah, it's not every day you get to save the world from total annihilation. I lost billions. Let's go, handsome. Are you taking him to jail? That's what some men call it. Help me! Well, I'm off, too. Where are you going? Greece. Honey, I really don't feel like traveling. Oh, I didn't say you were going. Come on, Bree. Opa! Listen, Adam, I just wanted to let you know how proud of you I am. And all those things I said about you being immature, you proved me wrong. Thank you, Chase, and from now on, I'm gonna be a perfectly responsible adult. Great. You know it's never gonna happen, right? Yeah, I figured as much. Hey, Big D. I almost forgot. The space colonists wanted me to give you this. A thank-you note? Yeah. In the form of a lawsuit.