Steven the Sword Fighter

[Open Ext. Steven's Room]

(It is raining, Lion is lying outside under the porch, yawning.)

[Trans. Int. Steven's Room]

(Steven and the Crystal Gems are sitting on the floor, eating popcorn while watching Lonely Blade IV. On screen, two characters confront each other.)

Lonely Blade: *on TV, speaking Japanese* It was you. You were the one who killed my brother. Cursing me to fight alone forever!

Steven: *to TV* Oh Lonely Blade, you so lonely.

Samurai President: *on TV, speaking Japanese* You think you can defeat me? The President of the Shadow Samurai Government?!

Steven: *sitting on top of Garnet's hair* What?! The janitor is the evil samurai president?! That's bananas!

Pearl: Oh come on, it was so obvious. He's been mopping in the background of every fight scene. *shows Steven the movie cover* Look, here he is on the cover of the box.

Steven: Oh yeah.

Lonely Blade: *on TV* For my honor and for my brother! I will strike you down! Boomerang Blade! *throws swords*

Samurai President: *jumps up* Piercing Shadows of a Thousand... Screams!

Steven: *chants* Go, Lonely, go! Do the Boomerang Blade again!

Pearl: Oh come on, this is ridiculous. Just look at their form, this is nothing like real sword fighting. (Garnet shushes her.)

Steven: *laughs* *grabs a handful of popcorn* It's just a movie, Pearl.

Pearl: Well, if you ever want to see a demonstration of proper sword techniques, I'd be happy to show you. (Steven puts his hand on Pearl's head, staring excitedly.) Now?

[Trans. Pearl's Arena]

(Pearl and the others move to a large open area with tiled ground and marble obelisks lining both sides of the area, all of which, is surrounded by low hanging clouds.)

Pearl: *holding two swords* Alright, in order to give a proper demonstration I'm going to need a sparring partner. (Steven begins to raise his hand and Garnet immediately lowers it.) Luckily, I have the perfect candidate right here. *summons Holo-Pearl*

Steven: Cooool, hologram Pearl!

Amethyst: *lying on a cloud* Ah, geez.

Holo Pearl: Do you wish to engage in combat?

Pearl: Let this be the perfect battle. *tosses sword*

Holo Pearl: *catches sword* You've already made a mistake by challenging me! *poses*

Pearl: *laughs* We shall let our swords decide.

Amethyst: Nerd! *both Steven and Garnet shush her*

Holo Pearl: Commencing duel. *eyes redden, lunges towards Pearl*

(Pearl blocks several of the hologram's attacks.)

Holo Pearl: Defense rank: S. Zero openings detected.

Steven: *cheers* Go, Pearl, go!

Amethyst: Go Holo Pearl!

(Distracted by Amethyst's cheering/mocking, the hologram disarms Pearl.)

Holo Pearl: Opening detected! *attacks*

(Pearl dodges the incoming attack, sliding to her sword and then blocks another attack allowing her to lunge at the hologram, defeating it.)

Holo Pearl: Match set. Challenger wins.

Steven: Woohoo! Yay, Pearl! *runs over to Pearl*

Holo Pearl: Do you wish to battle again?

Steven: *circles around her* Pearl! That was amazing, you were so cool!

Pearl: *blushes and laughs* Oh-hoho, well, one does try their best.

Steven: *makes sword fighting actions* *excitedly* Will you teach me to sword fight like you?!

Pearl: *laughs* Alright, but we should start with the basics. *to hologram, clears throat* Initiate, training mode. (Hologram rises to feet.)

Holo Pearl: Training mode initiated. Level 1, begin!

Pearl: I want you to stand back Steven, and watch me carefully, okay?

Holo Pearl: *begins basic attack sequence* Parry, parry! Thrust! Parry, parry! Thrust! *chants this continuously in the background*

Pearl: Do you see what I'm doing with my feet, Steven? Notice where I keep my center of gravity.

Steven: *loses excitement while Pearl explains* Aw, can you show me something cool? Like the Boomerang Blade!

Pearl: Steven, you know that's not a real technique.

Steven: *chanting* Boomerang Blade, Boomerang Blade, Boomerang Blade!

Pearl: *turns attention to Steven, annoyed* Steven, these are real sword techniques. Not those silly things from your movies. It's about waiting carefully for the perfect moment to stri-

(Holo Pearl stabs Pearl in the stomach area while saying "thrust". Pearl cries out.)

Steven: *gasps*

Amethyst: Woah. *sits up*

Garnet: Oh no.

(Pearl drops her sword, which hits the ground with a loud clang.)

Steven: ... Pearl?

Pearl: *looks at the sword sticking out of her chest, chuckles nervously* *tries to reassure Steven* W-whoopsie-daisy! Steven, it's okay. I'm gonna be just f - *suddenly she poofs into a cloud of dust as her gemstone falls to the ground*

Steven: NOOOOOO! *slides to her gemstone* *picks up gem* P-pearl? Peaaarl....

Holo Pearl: Challenger defeated. Level 1 failed.

Garnet & Amethyst: Steven! *hurry over to Steven*

Steven: *upset* I-I was just... a-aand she was trying to-

Amethyst: *puts hand on his back* Steven, it's okay, Pearl's gonna be just fine.

Steven: *looks to Garnet* Whaddya mean?

Garnet: [Camera focuses on Garnet] Sometimes, if our bodies are badly damaged, we release our physical forms and retreat to our gems to regenerate.

Steven: *starts to lighten up* So she's gonna be okay? (Garnet nods.)

Amethyst: *sits down* Don't worry, bud. These kinds of things just happen sometimes. Usually to me.

Garnet: Always to you.

Amethyst: *to Garnet* Hey, I'm scrappy. Whaddya want?

Steven: *laughs* So, how long will it take her to regenerate? 5 minutes? 10 minutes? (Garnet and Amethyst both frown.)

[Time Skip—two weeks. Trans. Int. Beach House]

(Steven places Pearl's gem into a hand basket, which he places under lamp, hoping to incubate it.)

Steven: *sigh* What's taking so long?

(Garnet and Amethyst warp in, Amethyst still rides atop the floating cloud.)

Amethyst: What up?

Steven: *depressed* Heeey.

Amethyst: *floats over* She's still not done? Man, she's really taking her time with this one. Gotta tell you though, love what you've done with the place.

(Both observe the messy state of the house: trash everywhere, things thrown carelessly to the ground, and dishes piled up in the kitchen. Garnet in the background goes into her room.)

Steven: Pearl usually helps me tidy up.

Amethyst: Eh, I say leave it.

Steven: *epiphany* Hey! If real Pearl can't be here, there's always the next best thing! *runs over to Holo Pearl, who stands in the corner of the room with a sheet over its head, which he removes*

Holo Pearl: Do you wish to engage in combat?

Amethyst: Steven, *sighs* cover that thing back up.

Steven: But it's like Pearl. Look at it.

Amethyst: Yeahhh... That ain't Pearl.

Steven: Well, maybe I can get it to act like her.

[Trans. Steven's Room]

(Steven shows Holo Pearl his room, which is as messy as the rest of the house.)

Steven: Here we have, a mess. Organizing messes is one of Pearl's favorite hobbies. Here. *bends down and picks up toys* Pearl likes to organize them by type. Animal, humanoid, miscellaneous... now you try. *picks up toy with sword prop*

Holo Pearl: *switches to combat mode* You have drawn your sword in vain!

Steven: What? (Holo Pearl lunges.) Ah! *tosses toy which is pierced by the hologram*

Holo Pearl: Challenger defeated. *switches to stand-by mode*

Steven: Maybe we need to try something else.

[Trans. Ext. Beach House]

(Garnet and Amethyst stand on the beach, Amethyst holds a piece of cloud in her hands, Steven and Holo Pearl watch from a distance.)

Amethyst: *holds cloud near mouth* I'm gonna do it.

Garnet: Go on then. (Amethyst swallows the cloud, causing her to inflate and float upwards. Garnet grabs her before she floats off.)

Steven: *laughs* Pearl always likes to tease Amethyst when she does funny stuff like this.

Holo Pearl: *holding an umbrella* I won't go easy on you this time!

Steven: That's the spirit. *walks over to others* What are you rascals doing over here?

Holo Pearl: Draw your weapons challenger! *points umbrella like a sword and opens it*

Amethyst: Ugh, Steven, why are you still hanging out with that thing? It's gross. *burps out a piece of cloud*

Steven: I just really miss spending time with Pearl.

Garnet: Pearl will come back to us in time, Steven. Have patience. And stop hanging out with that thing. It's creepy. *crosses arms, accidentally letting Amethyst float away* Hmm...

[Trans. Pearl's Tree]

(Holo Pearl and Steven stand atop a hill next to Pearl's tree, Steven holds a stuffed walrus and Holo Pearl holds a balloon sword, wearing a balloon crown.)

Steven: You had fun at the boardwalk, right?

Holo Pearl: Parry!

Steven: Oh come on, you gotta work with me here. This is Pearl's favorite tree. Don't you recognize it? What's on your mind? Come on, don't hold back.

Holo Pearl: *switches to combat mode* Challenge accepted!

Steven: What? *ducks, Holo Pearl slices tree in half with balloon sword* Oh no, the tree!

Holo Pearl: Challenger defeated. *switches to stand-by mode*

Steven: Real Pearl would never do that! Grr, you're hopeless, get away from me! *runs off*

[Trans. Int. Beach House] (Rain and lighting belt down once more, Steven watches the down pour from the window seal while caring for Pearl's gem, nestled in a blanket beside him.)

Steven: *to gem* It's too bad you're not back, Pearl. Because I've just found a copy, of the fifth Lonely Blade movie! *shows movie cover* *sighs* How long are you gonna make me wait, Pearl? *beeps go off in the background* *gasps* Oh, the popcorn's done, stay right there.

(Gets up and takes out popcorn, as he turns around, Holo Pearl suddenly appears behind him, shocking Steven.)

Holo Pearl: Do you wish to test your skills against me in a duel?

Steven: No! No sword fighting! (Steven attempts to walk up to his bedroom, but lightning flashes and Holo Pearl appears behind him.)

Holo Pearl: Draw your sword and fulfill your destiny!

Steven: No. Leave real Pearl and me alone! *tosses sheet back over Holo Pearl* Go back under your sheet.

(Steven watches the movie with Pearl's gem, this time in English.)

Lonely Blade: *on TV, in English* Brother, is that you?

LB's Brother: *as a zombie* Yes. It's me. Your, brother... *audio plays on in background*

Steven: Woah, this dub is really good. What do you think, Pearl?

Holo Pearl: *appears suddenly, still under sheet, with sword* Parry!

Steven: Gah! Grr... *continues to watch movie*

LB's Brother: Brother!

Lonely Blade: Wait a minute... you're not my real brother! Grr, Boomerang Blade! *unsheathes swords*

(Off screen, Steven begins to remember the moment Pearl was struck.)

[Flashback]

Pearl: It's about waiting for the perfect moment to-

[End Flashback, Steven's eyes close at the thought of the followed moment]

Holo Pearl: Thrust! *breaks TV*

Steven: Ah, the TV! Why must you destroy the things I love?

Holo Pearl: Challenger defeated. Continue?

Steven: I hate you, I hate you! You're nothing like Pearl! Pearl is smart, and she always wants to protect me from danger. All you want to do is fight me!

Holo Pearl: Challenge accepted!

Steven: Grr, alright fine! *pushes Holo Pearl*

Holo Pearl: Basic attack mode, initiated: Parry, parry, thrust! Parry, parry, thrust!

Steven: Stop saying that! *picks up toys and throws them at it, landing a single hit*

Holo Pearl: Basic attack mode defeated. Now initiating, advanced mode. *eyes turn red*

(Holo Pearl attacks Steven who retreats to the kitchen.)

Steven: *picks up toy walrus* Walrus shield! *The walrus gets cut in half.* Ah! *searches for another item* Uh, snacks, pillow, fuzzy flower, boomerang? ... Boomerang! *throws boomerang which promptly flies around Holo Pearl and returns to his hand* Ah!

(Steven dodges an attack and lands in the kitchen, taking up a mop which Holo Pearl chops short and begins to unleash a flurry of attacks while Steven dodges.)

Steven: *dodging attacks* Pearl! I should have just ... waited for you to come back. I should've waited for- (Holo Pearl raises it's sword above its head, revealing an opening, Steven gasps.) The perfect moment! Boomerang Blade! (Steven launches the mop at the hologram, striking it.)

Holo Pearl: Challenger wins. Do you wish to duel again?

Steven: Noooo!

(Steven takes the mop from within the hologram and begins to wipe away its remaining remnants, Garnet and a still inflated Amethyst enter from outside.)

Garnet: *pulls Amethyst in like a balloon* Steven, we heard fighting.

Amethyst: Are you alright? What's going on?

Steven: Oh, just moppin'. *hologram begins to regenerate, gasps* Die! *hits final remnant* You know, I might miss Pearl a whole lot, but, sometimes, you just have to accept things for how they are before you- (Pearl's gem glows.)

(Pearl's gem flies up, and hovers in the air, whilst glowing and regenerates, with a slightly different outfit.)

Steven: Never mind, Pearl's back!

Pearl: *gasps* Ah, that's much better. (Steven runs over to hug her.) Oof, hey, miss me much?

Steven: Ah man, I had this whole thing planned out for when you came back!

Pearl: *observing mess* Uh, Steven. What happened to your room? *sees inflated Amethyst* I don't even want to know what happened to you.

Amethyst: *in a funny voice* I got hit by an airplane!

(Steven returns, with his shirt tied around his head, using a pot and wooden spoon as a drum.)

Steven: *chanting whilst hitting pot with a wooden spoon* Pearl's back, Pearl's back, Pearl's back!

Pearl: Steven, what are you doing? (Steven continues to chant and Amethyst burps more of the cloud out, sighs.) I can't leave you guys alone for a second.

Steven: *jumps up* Pearl's back!

[END]