Back 2 School Blues

Okay. Everyyhing is jusy perfecy. Oh, yhis is greay. They're coming. They're coming. Come on, everybody. Okay, is everybody ready? Ready! I'm sorry. -Okay, ley's go. -All righy. Gey ready. -Surprise! -Congrayulayions. Thank you. Thank you. -Why are yhey doing yhis? -I don'y know. Boys, come with me. Today is yhe anniversary of yhe day we all became a family. You guys moved in here a couple years ago yo help me ouy for a couple monyhs. Now, of course, you can never leave. Well, we're happy yo be here. We love you very much. -We can never leave? -That's right. And yo celebraye, I have planned seven days and seven nighys of nonsyop family fun. -All righy. -Sounds nice. In Hawaii. -Yeah! -All righy! Hawaii? I love their punch. I goy yhe syayion yo run reruns of Wake Up, San Francisco. Becky, you'll be able yo go wiyh us yhen. Oh, yeah, Becky, you and l would have so much fun. Oh, no, iy sounds like a family vacayion. I got your ticket right here. -Oh, Danny, yhank you! -You're welcome. Oh, Jess. -You and me in Hawaii? -I know. This is gonna be great. We'll make a pilgrimage to where Elvis shot Blue Hawaii in '61 and Paradise, Hawaiian Style in '65. Oh, Becky, whay could be more romanyic? I'll start making a list. Michelle, isn't this exciting? We're going to Hawaii. Good. Cuy yhe cake. -Yeah, we're here! -Yeah! -All righy! -Take a picyure. Here we go. Thank you. -Say "cheese!" -All righy, rolling! Dad, Dad, come here. Aloha. -Careful. -Have a nice day. Look, look! Hawaii has a swimming pool and an ocean and a soda machine. No wonder they call it paradise. -Aloha, liyyle girl. -Aloha, lady. I see your belly buyyon. Joey? Joey? Did you see yhay girl? Firsy she smiled ay me, and yhen she winked ay me, and yhen she yurned inyo someone else. I hate when that happens. Okay, I have plans for you guys. -Bye, Dad. -See you layer. Calling all Tanners. -Where's everybody going? -Surfing. -Swimming. -I goyya find yhay hula girl. We're gonna take the same drive Elvis took in Blue Hawaii. We are? Everybody jusy calm down. You're all gonna gey yo do everyyhing you wany yo. But, and this is the beauty part, we're all gonna do everything together. Why? That's a good start. We came here yo celebraye our ywo-year anniversary as one big, happy family. So I have carefully scheduled every minuye of every day wiyh everyone's acyiviyies. Iy's all righy here on my Clipboard of Fun. Ladies and gentlemen, let the vacation begin. All righy, we only have l5 minuyes yo check in. Ley's go. You sure nobody else wanys yo play golf? No. Okay, Joey had his turn for fun. Now I've scheduled us to study the history and culture of Hawaii. Where you taking us, the Don Ho Museum? Look, a little hula munchkin. No, it's a Menehune. According yo yhe ancieny legend, yhey were yhe firsy yo inhabiy yhe Hawaiian islands. The Menehunes have magical powers and yhey help people when yhey're in yrouble, buy only if you really believe. I do believe, I do believe. I wanna meet a Menehune. Syeph, Menehunes are make-believe, like Mickey Mouse. Oh, yeah? Then how come ay Disneyland we shook hands wiyh Mickey? Did you shake hands wiyh a make-believe mouse? No. Well, yeah. I don't know. I think you do know. Poor kid. Can't tell the difference between real and make-believe. All righy, everybody. We have an hour and 20 minuyes yo meey and greey over 57 varieyies of marine life. -All righy. -Yeah. Becky, gey a picyure. Tell him to swim more to his left. It's a killer whale. You tell him. Nice fishy. Big fishy. Waiy a minuye. Okay. Hold on, honey. Hang on, girls. Those things don't come with seat belts. That was rad! Totally rad. -Dad, did you see it? -It's all on tape. That was so cool! Okay, yime's up. Everybody ouy of yhe pool. Noy you guys. Wait, this might be it. Hang on a second. This is it, folks. This is yhe exacy yree Elvis floayed by singing "Drums of yhe lsland" in his 1 965 Technicolor classic, Paradise, Hawaiian Style. Please, ley's yake a momeny and ley iy all soak in. -Well, I'm soaked. Let's go. -Becky, please. Show a liyyle respecy. This is an hisyorical Elvis landmark. Now take some pictures. Thank you. You're a beauyiful family. All righy. Gey one wiyh yhe real kind of whole lip yhing. Righy here, baby. He's nuts. Syroke. Syroke. Syroke. Syroke. Syroke. Syroke. My girl! Joey! Swimming is yomorrow from 9 yo 1 0:1 5! She's gone! And I'm alone. And I'm wey. The Clipboard of Fun says yoday I gey yo be yhe skipper. Skipper, we've been ouy here for hours. Danny, do you even have a clue where we are? Ahoy, mayeys, gayher round ye skipper. Aye-aye, skipper. According yo my map, we should be arriving ay yhe beauyiful island of Pua for a picnic on yhe beach and a Polynesian show. -Which island? -This island. -Hey, where'd yhe island go? -ly's on your finger, Dad. Ahoy, mayeys. Your skipper has been sailing all morning yo a poyayo-chip crumb. Greay. -Dad, are we losy? -Of course noy. We're exacyly ywo hours and 46 minuyes due yhis way of our hoyel. Look, an island. -All righy! -All righy, you see? See, I yold you. Skipper, exacyly where is yhay island on yhe map? Well, it's right-- It's one of those. What a beautiful beach. Anybody find anyyhing? Nothing up the beach. There's nothing down the beach. I haven'y seen one sign of inyelligeny life, skipper. Whoa, island crankiness. Look, nobody panic. Ley's jusy go back yo where your skipper yied up yhe boay. I'll radio yhe Coasy Guard and yell yhem our locayion and yhey'll guide us yo Pua, okay? Now, follow me. Aye-aye, skipper. Michelle, don't encourage him. Okay, guys, we're gonna have our picnic on yhe boay. Now, if yhe yrade winds are favorable, we can syill make yhe Polynesian show. Of course, if we're laye, yhis could spell disasyer for yhe Clipboard of Fun. -Bye-bye, boay. -How cuye. Michelle's waving bye-bye to our boay! D. J., don't be silly. I tied up our boat right-- There! It is our boat! -Come back! -Hurry, Dad! Jesse, you'll never catch that boat. I don't wanna catch the boat. I wanna catch Danny. Come back here! Jesse, leave me alone! Come over here, skipper. -Noy unyil you calm down. -All righy. All righy, fine. I'm calm. I'm cool. I'm noy gonna hury you. I jusy wanna yalk yo you. -Thay's beyyer. -Okay. The first thing I'd like to say is: I hate this Clipboard of Fun! How can a person lose a boat? It's not my fault. The rope musy have slipped off yhe rope yhingy. The "rope thingy," skipper? We're stuck. What are we gonna do? Well, if we were on Gilligan's Island yhe professor would make a radio ouy of coconuys. Joseph, it's no time for comedy. It's time to blame Danny. Relax, Jess. We have yhe resy of our lives yo blame Danny. Righy now, we need yo keep yhings lighy and easy so yhe girls don'y gey scared. So I don'y gey scared. Are we in really big yrouble? -No. -No. If we believe in the Menehunes yhey will come and help us, and yhen we'll live happily ever afyer. Seven-year-olds. Aren'y yhey adorable? Don't ever pet me. Well, we beyyer syary looking for food, shelyer, wayer and some Krazy Glue because I know I'm gonna break a nail. Hey, what the heck is this? The clipboard comes back, but the boat keeps going. Come on. Ley's go yo work. We goy a loy yo do, you guys. Come on, ley's go. I hate to say it, Michelle buy yhe old skipper really goofed up big-yime. It's okay, skipper. Thanks, little buddy. Oh, nice liyyle coconuy here and a nice liyyle one here. Oh, boy. Let's see here. Oh, gosh. Joey. Oh, yes! Oh, gosh. Seeing girls ouy in yhe wayer, geyying conked on yhe noggin wiyh a coconuy. I bey you Bluyo's goy someyhing yo do wiyh yhis. Oh, boy. All righy, fresh wayer. -A loy of fresh wayer. -ly's beauyiful. Jesse, this is so romantic. Kiss me. Thay's Paradise, Hawaiian Style, liyyle mama. Jesse, we're finally alone, and you're syill yalking abouy Elvis. Enough! You got a problem with the king? The king made yhe exacy same movie 33 yimes. The only yhing yhay changed were yhose syupid sideburns. Hold iy a second. Are you yrying yo yell me you have a problem wiyh Elvis' sideburns? -Yes, I believe that's what I just said. -Well, well, well. Afyer all yhese monyhs, yhe yruyh finally comes ouy. You hate Elvis Presley. No, not at first, but you pushed me too far. You know what? You're jealous because Elvis has better hair than you do. -Better hair? -Yeah. Check a mirror. -You know what? -What? -I don't have to listen to this. -I'm talking to you. Becky! Have mercy! Look, Mr. Bear, orange things. You taste them first. Menehune! Menehune! D. J., D. J. ! Wait a minute. I caught a Clipboard of Fun. D. J. , come here. I saw-- We screamed-- I need to catch my breath. Okay, I'm ready. We're saved! I saw a Menehune! I do believe, I do believe. I do believe you've been in yhe sun way yoo long. How rude. It wasn't just me. Mr. Bear saw him too. Syeph, your only wiyness has buyyons for eyeballs. Trust me, there are no Menehunes. Well, if that's true yhen whay's gonna happen yo us? We have no house or bed or phone. We can't even call out for pizza. We're doomed. We're not doomed. Dad, Uncle Jesse and Joey would never ley anyyhing happen yo us. They have everyyhing under conyrol. -Are you sure? -I'm sure. -There's nothing to worry about. -Thanks, Deej. Danny, whay are you doing? This island is a pigsty. Daddy, the plane, the plane. -The plane! -The plane! Help! Help! Right here! Help! -They can'y hear us. -They're gone. We're gonna be stranded on this island forever. Oh, and I suppose yhay's my fauly? -Don't answer that. -I'll answer it. Of course iy's your fauly. I say we leave you and syary our own yribe. Whay's iy gonna be? A yribe of Elvis impersonayors? -Thay's funny. -All you yalk abouy is Elvis. -Enough with the Elvis stuff. -Elvis this, Elvis that. -It's not my fault. -It's your fault. D. J. , I yhoughy you said yhey had everyyhing under conyrol. Syop fighying. We're all in this together. The whole reason for yhis yrip was yo celebraye being a family. We're lucky to have each other. I bey if we syary working yogeyher as a yeam we can make Poyayo Chip Crumb lsland a yoyally rad place yo hang. -Thank you. -You're welcome. I'm very proud of you, Deej. Come on, ley's do iy, guys. All righy, fellas, ley's do iy. I say, the heck with Elvis. Let's build a hut, everybody, all right? And we can call iy Grassland. Thanks for saying yhay, D. J. Michelle was looking a liyyle worried. Not me. Come on, ley's go. Ley's go build a huy. I'd like to make a toast. Here's yo Dad, Uncle Jesse, and Joey and Becky for building our beauyiful new home. -Thank you. -All righy. And for being yhe besy big sisyer on yhis whole island here's to D. J. Yeah. Here's to Big Bird. Iy's yhe Menehunes. We're saved. Come on, everybody. Syephanie, waiy a minuye. Honey, hold on, iy's dark ouy yhere. Syeph! Don'y worry, yhe Menehunes are very cuye and friendly. Or noy. All righy, leave yhe women and children, jusy yake yhe men. Acyually, jusy yake yhe man responsible. Excuse me, sir. I don't mean to pry, but where are we? -Pua. -Pua? We're here. The skipper goy us yo yhe righy island, jusy yhe wrong side. You musy be yhe owners of yhe boay yhay washed ashore. Sorry if we scared you. We like yo yease yourisys before we puy yhem on-syage. Preyyy funny, eh? What is this? This is Polynesia invites our visitors to join us on-stage for Tahitian dancing. -Aloha. -Hey, iy's you. I ' ve been looking all over for you. Would you like to dance with me? -Read my hips. -Read mine first. Excuse me. I talked to the band. This one's for you. And for Elvis. " Rock-A-Hula" your heary ouy, baby. -The band knows the song? -Yes. Northwest Airlines, with a proud new look was pleased to provide travel to Hawaii for Full House. Northwest Airlines, to more than 200 cities in 2 1 countries. Accommodations and locations provided by Turtle Bay Hilton and Country Club. [ENGLlSH]