The Mummy (Pinky and the Brain)

Brain: TONIGHT, PINKY, A TERRIBLE CURSE IS SET TO BEFALL MANKIND.

OOOH, SOUNDS SCARY. NARF!

WE ARE JOURNEYING TO EGYPT AND THE GREAT PYRAMID AT GIZA, WHERE ANCIENT MUMMIES WILL SOON WALK THE EARTH.

THE ROLLING STONES ARE TOURING AGAIN, ARE THEY?

IN THE PYRAMID, DEEP WITHIN AN AIR SHAFT BARELY A HIDDEN DOORWAY WAS RECENTLY DISCOVERED. ARCHAEOLOGISTS HAVE BUILT A TINY ROBOTIC PROBE THAT WILL TRAVEL UP THE AIR SHAFT AND OPEN THE SECRET DOOR, REVEALING ITS MYSTERIES TO THE WORLD. PINKY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE ARCHAEOLOGISTS WILL DISCOVER BEHIND THAT DOOR?

A BRAND NEW CAR!

NO, PINKY. ANGRY PHARAOHS, DISTURBED FROM THEIR ETERNAL SLUMBER.

OH, NO!

YES! WE SHALL DISGUISE OURSELVES AS THE GREAT KING KHUFU AND HIS PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN BROTHER.

NIKKI JIGGLE-IT A LITTLE IT'LL OPEN!

NO, PINKY, GEORGE. ONCE AWAKENED, OUR WRATH WILL ONLY BE APPEASED BY ONE THING, ABSOLUTE CONTROL OF THE WORLD.

EGAD, BRILLIANT, BRAIN! OH, WAIT, WAIT, NO, NO, NO. AREN'T WE JUST A WEE BIT TINY TO BE MISTAKEN FOR EGYPTIAN PHARAOHS?

IT IS A WELL-KNOWN FACT THAT PEOPLE WERE MUCH SHORTER BACK THEN, PINKY.

THEY COULDN'T RIDE SPACE MOUNTAIN, EH? YAAAAA! OOOF!

AND THE BEST THING ABOUT OUR PLAN, PINKY, IS THAT IT REQUIRES ONLY ONE SIMPLE INGREDIENT: BATHROOM TISSUE.

NAAAARF!

COME, PINKY, WE SET SAIL TONIGHT.

THERE SHE IS, PINKY THE EGYPTIAN QUEEN. THOUGH A TIRED SCOW SHE MAY BE, SHE HAS SURVIVED MANY ARDUOUS VOYAGES ACROSS THE SEA.

EARL-I IN THE MORNING! NARF!

GLUG, GLUG, GLUG.

DON'T DRINK THE SUNSCREEN, PINKY. THE DESERT IS RESTLESS, PINKY. I FEAR WE ARE EXPERIENCING THE QUIET BEFORE THE STORM.

EARL-I IN THE MORNIN'! YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD, BRAIN.

I THINK I SWALLOWED A BUG. BEHOLD, PINKY, THE PYRAMIDS OF GIZA!

Crowd: MUMMIES ARE THE BEST! LET KHUFU REST!

WHO ARE THEY, BRAIN?

PEOPLE WITHOUT JOBS, PINKY.

WOW, THIS AIR SHAFT SURE IS SMALL. HOW'D THEY EVER GET IN THERE TO BUILD A DOOR?

PEOPLE WERE MUCH SHORTER BACK THEN.

[WHEEL SQUEAKS]

BEWARE! BEWARE, IGNORANT FOOLS, TO OPEN THE SACRED BURIAL CHAMBER OF KHUFU IS TO INVITE A PLAGUE OF MISERY UPON HUMANITY. FIRE SHALL RAIN DOWN FROM THE SKY. LOCUSTS SHALL DEVOUR CROPS. OLSEN TWINS WILL MAKE MORE MOVIES.

[GASPS]

OH, GO GET A JOB.

AH! A COCKROACH.

A SCARAB, PINKY. A BEETLE WORSHIPPED BY THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS.

WHICH ONE? PETE BEST?

COME, PINKY. OUR DESTINY AWAITS. OOOH! AAARGH!

Archaeologist: THAT LITTLE PROBE SURE WORKS SWELL.

OK, WE HAVE TO DO THIS VERY CAREFULLY. THERE MIGHT BE A LOT OF REALLY OLD STUFF IN THERE.

Archaeologist: LOOK, MOVEMENT! OOOOO! OOOOO!

DID I JUST SEE WHAT I THINK I SAW?

WELL, IF YOU THINK YOU SAW WHAT I THINK I SAW, I THINK WE MADE A SERIOUS MISTAKE.

[GASPS]

Pinky: OOOOO!

Brain: OOOOO!

I AM THE GREAT KHUFU.

AND I AM HIS PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN BROTHER GEORGE.

YOU HAVE DISTURBED OUR ETERNAL SLUMBER, AND WE ARE VERY ANGRY.

[ALL GASP]

[ALL SCREAM]

I AM THE GREAT KHUFU.

AND I AM GEORGE. OOOOO!

HELLO, KHUFU.mHELLO, GEORGE.

WE'D LIKE TO WELCOME YOU BACK TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING AND SAY HOW SORRY WE ARE ABOUT THE WAY YOU'VE BEEN TREATED.

YOU MUST KNEEL BEFORE US, OR YOU SHALL INCUR OUR TERRIBLE WRATH.

WE'LL RELEASE ANOTHER OLSEN TWINS MOVIE.

[ALL GASP]

[ALL SCREAM]

BLITHERING DOLTS.

[CHANTING] MUMMIES SHOULD STAY DEAD. GO BACK TO BED. MUMMIES SHOULD STAY DEAD--

I AM THE GREAT KHU--

RETURN FROM WHENCE YOU CAME, OH, RESTLESS SPIRITS, AND CURSE US NOT WITH YOUR CURSES SO FOUL AND CURSED.

[ANGRY YELLS]

YAAAA!

NO, STOP!

SLEEP ONCE MORE, ANCIENT ONES.

PINKY, ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?

I THINK SO, BRAIN, BUT DON'T YOU NEED A SWIMMING POOL TO PLAY MARCO POLO?

NO, PINKY. WE'RE TRAPPED! WE MUST FIND ANOTHER WAY OUT. PERHAPS THESE HIEROGLYPHICS WILL REVEAL A WAY OUT OF HERE.

[ROAR]

[GASPS]

HAH, SCARED YOU, DIDN'T I?

YOU ALWAYS SCARE ME, PINKY. NOW, DO ME A FAVOR AND GO PLAY WITH THOSE BLOCKS OVER THERE.

[LAUGHING]

WOE UNTO THOSE WHO ALTER THE BLOCKS OF LIFE AND WAKE THE MUMMY. HMM. WOE UNTO THOSE WHO ALTER THE BLOCKS OF LIFE. THE BLOCKS OF LIFE? THE BLOCKS OF LIFE! PINKY, NO! PINKY, THESE SYMBOLS SPELL WAKE ME UP.

[GROANS]

AAH! AAH!

[GROANS]

AAH!

AAH, AAH, AAH!

PINKY!

SORRY, BRAIN.

FOLLOW.

[MUMMY GROANS]

AAH!

GOT TO GET THIS THING-COME ON. AGGH! PINKY?

YOUR OIL'S A LITTLE LOW, MAC. AND YOU MIGHT WANT TO ADD SOME VINEGAR, TOO. HA HA, NARF.

GET IN!

[MUMMY GROANS]

AAH!

[GROWLS]

OOF!

YAAA! YAAA! YAAA! YAAA!

[PLEASED GROWL]

[GROWL]

BRAIN? BRAIN? OOH, DON'T WORRY, BRAIN. WE'LL CARRY ON. A NEW DAY WILL DAWN. WE'LL TAKE OVER THE WORLD SOME OTHER WAY. WHEN DO WE START?

EARL-I IN THE MORNIN'.