Fool's Goldfinger

It's alive! Gentlemen, what you're about to see must not leave this room. Dallas, 1963! There is a cat! Moscow, 1991! There is a cat! Here are some stairs! There is a cat! New Orleans, 2005! There is a cat! So what we're seeing is that we're being observed or manipulated by a cat. Or a number of cats. What can we do about it? Nothing! You can do nothing! Goodbye, Harry! Oh my God! Are you okay? Oh, hi, you're awake. I'm Sally Williams. Sorry about hitting you. And then my second boyfriend ever, Lorenzo, what an egomaniac. I mean all he cared about was Lacrosse. Why don't guys call you back the next day? I mean, I am so tired of playing games. Okay, you know what makes me laugh how guys don't know when women are faking orgasms. You don't know what I'm talking about? Whoa! Okay whoa! Whoa whoa whoa whoa, you're okay, it's okay. Easy now, relax. And what will you have? - I'm good. So we've been married for 10 years. A lot of my friends think it's weird, me fucking a Bigfoot. But love is blind, right? You're you're not gonna eat that meatball sandwich out in the open are you? Be carefu Oh, she's just so precious! Who's precious? When "Lord of the Rings" author JRR Tolkien passed on, many thought Middle Earth had come to an end. But recently researchers found a half-finished manuscript. A sequel to "Lord of the Rings. " When, on direct orders from Tolkien's will, his 6-year-old grandson, JRR Tolkien Junior Junior, finished the novel and the movie was made, fans hoped Middle Earth would rise again. Here now we present a never before-seen sneak-peak of "Lord of the Rings: The Final Journey. " Oh, Merry, I miss Mr. Frodo already. Me too, Pippin. Frodo was a dear, dear friend. I like to eat poop. Hey, look, it's Gandalf! Merry, Pippin. We are not safe. A dark menace rises to the East. Duckies go 'quack'. Cows go 'moooo'. I want ice cream. Verily, will you Hobbits join my quest? Yes, Mr. Gandalf. What about you, Hannah Montana? I like macaroni and cheese I want poop! These F-16s will take us as far as the Erendor River, then we will have to find the Bridge of Larakaei. Quickly! Everyone make jet noises with your mouth. Moooo! The three-headed Peanut Butter and Jelly Monster is too powerful. And I like to eat poop poop poop, poop poop I don't want to do my homework. Let's all sing "The Muffin Man!" Oh, do you know the Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? Oh, do you know You shall not p-poop, poop poop poop! I'm sorry, what the fuck?! Agh! Get it off! My name is Murray and ain't nobody gonna tell me how to conjugate verbs! Hi, I'm Steve. Hey, Rachel. So what's your major? Philosophy. Oh, lots of demand for that in the workplace, huh? Clear the area! This is Hurt Locker. Got a guy just stepped on a land mine. Actually, my father had a philosophy degree. Okay buddy, just stay calm. Oh, he must be very proud of you. That's it. Steady. Actually, he's dead. Oh, my God, it's clicked and ready to blow! I've only seconds to diffuse this! - I'm sorry to hear that. - Good. It must have been hard. Hang in there. Hang on. How did he die? He couldn't get a job and he killed himself. Don't you fucking move, man! I'm sorry man, I'm sorry! I just wasn't good enough. What? Nooooooooooo! Get back!!! Rock Biter? I've lost my Luck Dragon and They look like big, strong hands, don't they? That's what I always thought. But my little friends I couldn't hold onto them. That's terrible, but Falcor needs me, and I The Nothing pulled them right out of my hands. My big, strong, good hands You know, the more you talk about how great your hands are the harder it is to believe you couldn't hold on to your friends I was hoping the soliloquy about my hands would keep you from asking any questions. Yeah, I was almost getting choked up, but then I was like, "Whaaaat? Rock Biter's talking way too much about his hands yo. " They all bullied me pretty bad. Replace the "R" in my name with a "C" and you're getting a good idea of what I put up with. I didn't even try to hold on to them actually, I just watched them and waved. I don't have time for a Neverending Story. Ha ha. Good one. High Five. Not on your life. Uh, meow. I need a gun. And make sure it holds nine bullets. Meow. I was born in the world of video games And I've been lonely ever since Everyone's tryin' to save the princess But who's gonna save the prince? I'm the first person in a video game To admit I like the pole position So I'm calling other gay characters To join me in my mission To come out and say You're GAY!! I'm Zangief, what a relief To say I like guy on guy You used to watch Me stick guys in my crotch And now you understand why I'm gay!! I am Cloud Strife, don't have a wife My final fantasy Is to wear women's clothes, hot tub with bros And give them my HP! That means hard penis. We're gay!!! I'm Parappa the Rappa, and I'm filled with Love My friend PJ gives me a big hug And I squeeze real hard and I "hold on tight" But he pushes me away 'cause he thinks it's not right Please don't judge, I pack the fudge I chase ghosts down the halls You never guessed I am obsessed With munching on the balls We're finally proud to say!! We're gay!! Plug your controller in and let's begin To start a brand new day! Play with your Wii Grab your Sex-box Gaystation 3 And maybe you will see That's it okay To be as gay as Me!