A Kiss is Just a Kiss


 * Angie Lopez : [watching a video of Vic and Gloria in Florida, not realizing they're standing behind her] I don't believe it, how'd you do this? Gloria and I aren't even speaking to each other. If we were, I'd tell her those bangs are a *bad* idea.
 * Benny : Oh yeah? Hey, how do you think your dad looks?
 * Angie Lopez : Well if that mustache were any bigger he could smuggle Cubans in it.
 * Gloria Palermo : [on tape] George called us with this idea of a video for your birthday. So turn around and get your present.
 * Angie Lopez : What?
 * Vic Palermo : [behind her] Just turn around and kiss your hairy father!


 * Vic Palermo : There must have been some way you two could work things out.
 * Gloria Palermo : How do you work things out when your husband is never home? How do you work things out when you feel like there's a stranger in your bed? How do you work tings out when you change the sheets and find a stranger's panties?
 * George Lopez : So I'm confused, were they Richard's panties?


 * George Lopez : [Gloria turns out the light in the garage] I'm in here!
 * [Gloria steps in in a red nightgown]
 * George Lopez : [nervously stammers] Oh hey, Lingerie.
 * Gloria Palermo : Sorry, I just came out for a smoke and saw the light was on.
 * George Lopez : I thought you quit smoking.
 * Gloria Palermo : I thought Richard quit secretaries.


 * (Angie found out Gloria kissed George)
 * Angie: So, whose a better kisser?
 * George: Mr.Neddles. (Angie looks shocked) Once you get past that bad breath, its a wild ride.


 * (Vic overhears George & Benny talking about Gloria kissing him)
 * Vic: Just keep your fantasies to yourself. I don't want my girls fighting over you because your ego so big that you think everyone's trying to kiss you.(starts poking him) Are these kisses? Is this good for you? I guess you should buy me dinner now because we are kissing(leaves)
 * Benny: And to think there's an island of people just like him.


 * George: Mom, I need to talk to somebody. But since you're here look....Something happened last night.
 * Benny: Oh just flip the mattress over. No one knows.


 * Max: Aunt Gloria kissed dad!
 * Angie: That's how people say goodbye, Max.
 * Max: No, in the garage, last night.
 * George: Ohh...
 * Angie: What?!
 * Max: In her nightgown. The red one, not the black one! Dad said we should wait 'til she left to tell you.
 * (Max told Angie that Gloria kissed George)
 * George: Left the city, man, not the porch!
 * (Angie found out Gloria kissed George)
 * Angie: GLORIA!
 * (Angie runs out the door)
 * Max: What's gonna happen?
 * George: Well, the neighbors are gonna call the police, and people passing by our house are gonna say 'yep, that's where those people live.' Property values are gonna go down and eventually the police are gonna arrest me on the front lawn without my shirt.


 * Angie: We talked. She confessed. She apologized. And then I gave her her hair back