Father Figures

Ahh! Ohh. Well, that was fun. Good match. Whoops. Almost slipped there. Got to be careful. Whoa! Oof. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. I was so starving. Playing tennis really works up an appetite. I wouldn't know. Hey, you two. - Oh, hi, mom. - Hi, Patricia. Lola, don't forget, I booked us for a pedicure at 1:00. Ooh, we better go. Mmm. Mmm. Sorry, tennis. Gotta fuel the machine. Bye, dad. Have fun. Bugs. Hey, Walter. Enjoying your little lunch? Lola and I were playing tennis. Well, she was. Tennis. I didn't know you played tennis. I love tennis. How would you like to play in the tennis tournament held right here at the Royal Oaks Glen Oaks Oakwood Oaks Country Club? A tennis tournament? That'd be great. Well, then it's settled. We'll enter the father son tennis tournament. Father son? Walter, I'm not your son. Oh, Bugs, you really know how to wound an old man. I think of you as my son, ergo you are my son. What do you say? Hmm. Getting to hit the ball to someone and having them actually hit it back. Let's do it. Wonderful! Got to fuel the machine. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Oh, good, you're awake. Let's go. What? It's 4:00 in the morning. We've got to start training. The father son tennis tournament is in a few weeks. I gotta say, I like your enthusiasm. What's up? Are you just getting home? Yeah. Where were you? Out. What's in the bag? Stuff. Well, training awaits. How is this training for the father son tennis tournament? There's two parts to the tournament. Sure, there's the tennis part, but what I think we need to focus on is the father son part. If we don't first bond as father and son, then how will we bond on the tennis court? Whoops. Ha ha. Well, we'll just share. Oh, would you look at us? We're bonding. What's in the bag? Stuff. I should get going. I've got to pick up my kid. Pfft! You have a kid? He's not my actual kid. I'm just his mentor. I joined the father figure program. What's the father figure program? It's a program for kids who need positive male role models in their lives. What do you have to do? You take them to fun places. Out to lunch, to the movies. Sometimes you take them shopping. You should join the father figure program. Hmm. Seems kind of time consuming. But maybe it'd be good. It's supposed to be very rewarding. Huh. I'll do it. Wow. I'm impressed. I'm not always the self-centered jerk that people think I am. Well, I better go. What does that have to do with me? Ahh! Ahh! Ooh! I just want to say I'm so excited to be your father figure. I want you to know that I take this responsibility very seriously. I want to make a difference in your life because I know you're about to make a difference in mine. Listen, piggy. I go through father figures like you go through boxes of chocolates. I may look small, but I can take care of myself. So let's just make this easy for both of us and walk away before anyone gets hurt. And by anyone, I mean you. Now, now, Henry, I'm not going anywhere. I'm committed to this program. I'm committed to you. Now, let's get to know each other. I understand you're 7 years old. How old are you, 90? What? Ha ha. No. How come your skin is so stretchy? I didn't know it was. Why do you wear that outfit? What are you, a waiter? Actually, I'm a caterer. Then make me some chicken. Pardon? I said make me some chicken. Henry, first of all, you need to learn how to say please. And second of all, I packed us a picnic lunch. Ooh, is it chicken? No, peanut butter and jelly. And I might have put a couple boxes of chocolates in there. Well, can we get chicken afterwards? No. After our picnic, we're gonna do something fun. Have you ever been to the textile museum? They have an exhibit on early American tablecloths. Or, um, we could do something else. What do you want to do? I'm a chicken hawk. I want chicken. Enough with the chicken. I'm your father figure, and I say we're going to the textile museum and we're gonna see what those early Americans ate dinner on. Henry! See you later, piggy. I'm gonna find some Uhh. I've always dreamed of this-- tossing the baseball around with my son. Oh! You know, Walter, the tournament is right around the corner. And it is a tennis tournament, not a baseball tournament. Don't you think we should play tennis at some point? Oh, Bugs, you're nothing if you're not practical. You must get that from Patricia's side of the family. My side, we're all dreamers. Go long! Touchdown! Ha ha ha! Oh, that's my boy. What are you doing? I joined the father figure program. Wow, I'm impressed. A little surprised that they would let you be a father figure. Oh, I'm not the father figure. I'm getting a father figure. Yeah, that makes more sense. I'm the one who needs the mentor. You saw me sauntering home at 4:00 am. Heaven knows where I was or what I was doing. I'm out of control, man. I need guidance. Oh, that must be my father figure now. Eh, I don't want to know. Ooh, limo. So far so good. Daffy Duck? Big fat rooster? In all the time I say, I all the time I've known you, I had no idea you were a child. Oh. Uh, actually-- That makes you-- I say, that makes you all the more impressive. Well, I've always felt I was wise beyond my years. Can I have one of these waters? You can have anything you'd like, boy. Can I have four of these waters? Heh heh heh. Heh heh heh. Mr. leghorn, this is the same idiot who ruined your movie and destroyed your company. That's precisely why he needs a father figure. And why you need to mind your own business, Carol. So tell me, son, what-- I say, what do you feel like doing today? Amusement park? Putt putt golf? Ice skating? Great. All of it. I got nothing on my schedule. Mentor away. Heh heh heh. Ha ha ha! Henry! Give me my chickens. Hold still, chicken. Put him down. I told you, that's not a chicken. Either you give me a chicken, or this thing that looks like a chicken gets it. Henry. This doesn't concern you, piggy. Come on, lady. Give me my chicken. We don't have chickens. This is a pet store. Chickens are not pets. I don't want to pet it. I want to eat it. Henry, I've been looking all over for you. Are you this boy's father? Well, I'm his father figure. Well, you're not a very good one. That's the understatement of the year. I asked him for chicken, and he won't give me chicken. Why won't you give him chicken? This is not about chicken. This is about respect and not always getting what you want when you want it. I'm getting chicken. Not as long as you're with me you're not. Ok. Henry! Walter, what are you-- what are you doing with a shotgun? It's a rifle. I figured it's about time my son bagged his first buck. What are you talking about? We're going hunting. It's an important milestone in a father-son relationship. Walter, enough with the father-son stuff. The tennis tournament's next weekend. I want to play tennis. Look at you, standing up to your old man. That's an important milestone, too. You're growing up. Finally I'm gonna get to play some tennis. Ok, let's rally a bit to see where we are. Ahh! No problem. We're just getting warmed up. Uhh! Whoops. Sorry. Is anyone ever gonna hit a ball back to me? You know what, why don't you serve? All right, but you might want to stand back. Uhh! Let me guess. Lola got her tennis skills from you. I taught her everything she knows. Henry, I know we got off to a bad start, but I'm not giving up on you. What are we doing? Well, the textile museum doesn't open until noon. But that doesn't mean we can't have fun right here and now. By staring at a wall? It's not just a wall. It's a freshly-painted wall. You know, right now the paint is wet. Soon, it'll be less wet. And if we're lucky, we'll be here the moment it's no longer wet at all, or dry. You're watching paint dry? That's the most boring thing in the world. That's why there's an expression, "watching paint dry. " We're literally doing the expression. Chicken. Henry! What is it with that kid and chicken? This is so wonderful. Sitting here with my son about to play in a tennis tournament. Oh, I wish this feeling would last forever. Well, it's probably gonna last about 20 minutes, 'cause they're gonna wipe the court with us. Yeah. What say? We've been practicing every day for a week. Your forehand hasn't gotten any better, somehow your backhand has gotten worse, you still can't serve, you're afraid of the net. The close you get, the faster they come. What are we going to do? Whenever the ball comes to us, get out of the way and let me hit it. Brilliant. You know, that's also from Patricia's side. Oh, Bugs, this strategy of yours is working to perfection. We've made it to the finals. And I feel like I've hardly broken a sweat. Well, I can't complain about not getting to hit the ball anymore. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha. Daffy, what are you doing here? I'm playing in the finals of the father son tennis tournament. What are you doing here? I'm playing in the finals of the father son tennis tournament. Where's your father? I'm right here. You're not his father. What are you even doing here? Weren't you banned from this club? How dare--I say, how dare you speak to my boy like that. Why he--I say, he's just a child. Thank you, father. He's not your father. I'm his father. I say, I'm his father figure. Well, it's not the father figure son tournament, it's the father son tournament. Look, we could--I say, we could stand here all day and quiver over the rules, or we could settle-- I say, we could settle the matter on the court. May the best fake father son team win. Oh, no. The textile museum's closed on Sundays. Oh, I'm so disappointed. I was really looking forward to seeing all those tablecloths. I was too. I was being sarcastic. Now, can we please go get some chicken? Henry, you don't want chicken. Say what? The chicken is just a metaphor for what you're really hungry for-- guidance. I can see from that expression on your face that really resonated with you. Now come on. I have one more thing planned for today. Do you like tennis? We're watching tennis? I thought we was gonna play tennis. Oh, I'm not very good at sports. Chocolate? Just remember-- I say, just remember what I told you, son. It's not whether you win or lose, it's how hard you try. Just remember what I told you. Get out of the way and let me hit the ball. Ha ha ha! - Bugs, whoo! - Whoo-hoo! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! You gotta bring the heat. They win this point and they win the match. We've already won, son, because we're having fun. I can't see anything. I'm gonna go get some chicken. Henry, I told you. Chicken's just a metaphor. Excuse me. Would you mind scooting over so he can see? Aah! Gosh, get this boy-- get him off me. Aah! Huh. I guess chicken wasn't a metaphor after all. I'm sorry we didn't get to finish the match, Bugs. I know how much you wanted to win. Well, the tournament's over. I guess that means we're no longer father and son. Ohh. I'll see you around. Hey, Walter. I heard there's a father son golf tournament coming up. How's your golf game? Even worse than my tennis game. Well, then we better play some golf. I'll pick you up tomorrow morning. No, wait. You're the dad. You pick me up. You've got a big heart, Bugs Bunny. You get that from my side of the family. There, all fixed up. But I still don't understand personally what a chicken hawk was doing at a tennis match. LookI'm you. - Ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha! Hey, whoa, whoa. What's the matter with you? Fiddling with my stuff? What are you, 9 years old? He's 7. There's something I have to tell you. I'm quitting the father figure program. But why? I'm not really 7 years old. You're not? No. But I know there's a 7-year-old somewhere who would be lucky to have you as a father figure. You'll always be my boy, Daffy Duck. You sure you don't want to keep up the charade? We were having-- I say, we were having a grand ol' time. I can't. I won't tell. No, I mean I can't. Carol ratted me out and got me banned from the program. Heh heh. Carol. Always wanting to spoil our fun. Mmm. Oh, man, that's good. Ahh, mmm. That's nice. That's--ooh. This is the best chicken I've ever tasted. It's my grandmother's recipe. Maybe next weekend you could teach me how to make it. Next weekend? You mean you still want me to be your father figure? You're the only father figure who didn't give up on me. And that's better than all the chicken in the world. Maybe not this chicken. This is pretty good. You know, when we're not watching grass grow, you can actually be pretty fun. Aw, you're a good kid, Henry. But that does sound fun. - What does? - Watching grass grow. I wonder where we could see some. Ahh, my front yard. It's covered in grass. Come on, Henry. You're missing it. Look at it grow, Henry. Look at that grass grow. That's my-- I say, that's my boy.