The Journey of a Thousand Miles

Narrator: Thousands of years ago, a furious battle was waged between the great and noble Xiaolin Dragon Dashi and the evil Heylin witch Wuya. This was the first Xiaolin Showdown. Wuya pitted her dark magic against Dashi and his mystical power objects, the Shen Gong Wu. In the end, Dashi triumphed, and Wuya was forever imprisoned in a simple wooden puzzle box. The threat averted, Dashi spread his Shen Gong Wu around the earth. For generations, they have secretly maintained the balance of good and evil. And a long line of Xiaolin Dragons has stood ready to face evil, should that balance ever shift.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[ ]

[PANTING]

Master Fung: Omi. Time to come in, young monk.

Omi: But Master Fung, my lotus strike ends an eighth of an inch to the left. As a Xiaolin Dragon of the water--

Master Fung: You’re not a Dragon yet, Omi.

Omi: Yes, but I have been chosen to become one. And that means striving for and obtaining perfection.

Master Fung: It also means having the sense to get out of the rain. Come, young monk. There are things I must tell you.

[ ]

Dojo: Callin’ it quits, kid? That lotus strike looked like it was pulling to the left.

Master Fung: Dojo, don’t you have a scroll you’re supposed to be guarding?

Dojo: The ancient scroll of the Shen Gong Wu? Come on, 1500 years I’ve been watchin’ it, and all it’s done is gather dust.

Master Fung: Each day holds new surprises, Dojo Kanojo Cho.

Dojo: Okay, I’m goin’. I’m goin’.

Master Fung: Speaking of surprises, I have one for you, Omi. New students are joining the temple.

Omi: New students? This has never happened before. At least not in my lifetime. Can I teach them to walk on their fingers, master? Or how to blend into the shadows? Or maybe to walk on walls? And ceilings too? Huh?

Master Fung: Perhaps, young monk, perhaps.

Master Fung: Omi, I would like you to meet Raimundo.

Raimundo: ‘Sup?

Master Fung: Kimiko.

Kimiko: He said that? [GASPS] Hey. No way!

Master Fung: And Clay.

Clay: Howdy.

Omi: Master, where are the new students?

Master Fung: Right in front of you, Omi.

Omi: They are not what I expected.

Master Fung: The best things in life rarely are.

Omi: You are right, master. Welcome, my new and strangely-attired friends.

Master Fung: I must be going, young ones. I can see there is much teaching to be done here.

Omi: Yes, master. Much teaching indeed.

[ ]

Omi: The key is balance. If you are a beginner, you may want to start with three fingers.

Clay: Uh, just curious. When will we need this?

Raimundo: Try never.

Kimiko: Okay, Keiko, I’ll e-mail it to you. Is there a Net connection around here? No? Oh, no worries. I’ll go wi-fi.

[BEEPING]

Omi: Oh, what is that? Is it magic?

Kimiko: It’s a PDA. I’m sending a message to a friend in Tokyo.

Omi: A secret message?

Kimiko: Nuh, I’m just telling her I’ve met a very strange kid who apparently doesn’t know about personal space issues.

Omi: Really? Who? Is it that guy?

Clay: Not me, partner.

Raimundo: It’s you, chrome-dome.

[ ]

Omi: Lesoon two: the Fierce Cheetah method of fighting. I defy you to catch me! Witness the speed of a cheetah. I am dazzling and confounding you! And now, I stri-- Hey!

Clay: Hope I haven’t mucked up your lesson too much, little feller. Just can’t resist a challenge.

Kimiko: Yeah, uh-huh. The cowboy just lassoed the little guy.

Omi: I am the teacher! You are the students! You will give me the respect I deserve!

Raimundo: Respect this.

Omi: Huh? Uh.

Kimiko: [GIGGLING] No way! The Brazilian kid just pantsed the bald kid. Ha!

[ ]

Jack: I want to rule the whole world! All of it! Not some of it. Not just Iceland or Fiji. I wanna rule the whole world!

Jackbot: Pardon me, sir.

Jack: What? Can’t you see I’m on an evil rant here?

Jackbot: Yes, sir, but your father sent you a gift from Hong Kong.

Jack: Oh, a puzzle box. Oh, let’s see. And my prize is… a mask? Lame. All right, back to world conquest. My favorite pastime. Now, let’s see. Europe might not be a bad place to start. Or is that too obvious? Could go in for the unexpected, like Paraguay. But is that enough of an attention grabber? Could go down through Africa, over to South America and--

Wuya: Onward to Asia.

Jack: [SCREAMS] Spooky ghost lady! Attack!

Wuya: Plans for world conquest? My dear boy, we have much in common. What’s your name?

Jack: Jack Spicer. Who are you? What are you?

Wuya: Me? I’m your new best friend.

[ ]

[WIND RASPING]

Master Fung: Did you sense that?

Monk 1: It was as if a great chill descended upon the land.

Master Fung: Something has unbalanced the Shen Gong Wu.

Dojo: O-okay. Uh, first thing, I didn’t touch it. I-I-I think it’s busted. Can we get a new one?

Monk 2: What could do such a thing?

Master Fung: Not what. Who. And the answer is Wuya.

[ ]

Jack: Let me get this straight, Wuya. You have no physical form.

Wuya: Very perceptive.

Jack: So you need me to get these…Shen Gong Wu things. But here’s my question: What do I, Jack Spicer, evil genius, get out of this?

Wuya: Your dreams of world conquest. We shall rule side by side.

Jack: I like where this is going. Okay, so once we get all the Shen Gong Wu, then what?

Master Fung: The world will be thrown into 10,000 years of darkness. It is your most solemn duty as Xiaolin warriors to find all the Shen Gong Wu before Wuya does.

Raimundo: I have a question.

Master Fung: Yes, Raimundo.

Raimundo: I saw my room and no bed. Just a mat. What the dilly?

[ ]

Raimundo: Um, we can talk later.

Master Fung: Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.

Omi: The ancient scroll of the Shen Gong Wu!

Master Fung: Ah, the Mantis Flip Coin. It has revealed itself. Whoever holds the coin will leap with the skill of a mantis.

Kimiko: Wild!

Omi: And so our grand quest begins. Follow me to victory! I have no idea where I’m going.

Kimiko: Yeah. How do we find the Shen Gong Wu?

Master Fung: Dojo, you helped Master Dashi hide them.

Dojo: Yeah, but that was a long time ago. You can’t possibly expect me to remember which-- [SHUDDERS] This way.

Raimundo: Right, like we’re gonna take direction from a gecko.

Dojo: Gecko?! Don’t ever call me a gecko!

Raimundo: Eh, my mistake.

[ ]

Dojo: Can’t believe I went from temple guardian to babysitter in less that a day.

Omi: Kimiko, I have never seen such a wondrous device. What is it?

Kimiko: It’s a game pal. See? I’m making Po-Chi collect the disks.

Omi: Wow! How did Po-Chi get in there?

Kimiko: Um, that’s where he was born. Here. Try it.

[BEEPING]

Omi: Look, Kimiko. My new little friend cooperates with me as I push the buttons.

[BEEPS]

Omi: Ya! My little friend has been taken by the dark forces of evil! Po-Chi, are you in there? Can you here the sound of my voice?

Raimundo: [LAUGHS] Hey!

Kimiko: Don’t mess with the monk.

Raimundo: Girl, you hit hard.

Kimiko: No worries, Omi. The power just got switched off, see?

Omi: [GASPS] Po-Chi! You have returned! I must remember to honor the power of the “off” switch.

[ ]

Dojo: Whoa! A lot has changed in the last 1500 years.

Omi: So many people. So many buildings. What is this place?

Raimundo: San Francisco.

Kimiko: We’ve got a Mantis Flip Coin to find.

Dojo: [SNIFFS] And it’s close. [SNIFFS] Real close.

Jack: Bow before me, citizens of Planet Earth! I now rule you with the Mantis Flip Coin!

Wuya: You cannot rule the earth yet. You have but one Shen Gong Wu.

Jack: How many are there?

Wuya: Hundreds!

Jack: What? Okay, you’re gonna need to get solid and help me out here.

Omi: Hello, friend. That coin is of great mystical importance. May we please have it?

Jack: [CHUCKLES] No way, shortie. This Shen Gong Wu is mine.

Raimundo: How does he know about Shen Gong Wu?

Wuya: How indeed?

Dojo: Wuya! Wow, the years have not been kind to you.

Wuya: Mind your tongue, reptile! Dashi isn’t here to protect you!

Omi: Away, evil spirit! You cannot stop us.

Jack: She can’t. I can. Jackbots, attack! Mince them.

[ ]

Omi: Water! Ahh-cha!

Raimundo: [GRUNTS]

Clay: It’s not your weight. It’s how you throw it around.

Jack: You never mentioned freaks in pajamas would be lookin’ for the Shen Gong Wu too.

Wuya: Details! You’ve got the flip coin. Go!

Omi: [GASPS] The Mantis Flip Coin!

Kimiko: [GRUNTS] [GASPS]

Raimundo: [SCREAMS]

Clay: [GASPS]

Omi: Got ya! Ugh!

[GARBAGE CLATTERING]

Jack: Ha-ha-ha-ha! A lesson for losers. Don’t mess with Jack Spicer.

Omi: [GRUNTING] Kindly remove your gigantic self from being on top of my body.

Clay: [GRUNTS] Sorry about that, little buddy.

Omi: Because of you three, we have lost the first Shen Gong Wu!

Raimundo: Dude, it was a coin.

Omi: A magical coin! Do you not understand? The more Shen Gong Wu Wuya possesses, the stronger she is!

Kimiko: Sorry, Omi.

Clay: We’ll do better next time.

Dojo: Uh, next time is now. I’m sensing another Shen Gong Wu.

Kimiko: Let’s see what we’ve got.

Omi: The Two-Ton Tunic!

Dojo: Oh, I remember that! It was Dashi’s invulnerable armor.

Kimiko: Ha-ha! Excellent. Spicer better watch his back, because this round is ours.

Jack: The Two-Ton Tunic is mine!

Raimundo: Not so fast!

Clay: [YELLS]

Jack: Ugh!

[ ]

Omi: Jack Spicer. Today, victory is mine!

Clay: Better not count your chickens before they hatch.

Omi: A fearsome force. But they are not prepared for the awesome might of the Two-Ton Tunic!

All: Whoa! [GASPING]

Wuya: You lost the Two-Ton Tunic!

Jack: Relax! We’ll get the next one.

[ ]

Dojo: Look, it’s not the way Grand Master Dashi would’ve done it, but, hey, you’re still learning.

Omi: I do not wish to speak of the failures of me or my students. I only wish to find the next Shen Gong Wu.

Raimundo: Which is?

Kimiko: The Eye of Dashi.

Clay: The way I figure it, it shoots lightning somethin’ fierce.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Clay: Now, this is my kind of place.

Kimiko: Are you kidding? I’m not even getting a signal here.

Raimundo: If I were a lightning-shooting Shen Gong Wu, where would I be?

Dojo: Close. You’d be close.

Omi: The Eye of Dashi! [GASPS]

Jack: Sorry, monk boy! This one’s mine!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Omi: I was here first.

Jack: Too bad. Hey, what’s with the glowing?

Omi: It is a Xiaolin Showdown.

[ ]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Raimundo: It’s a what now?

Dojo: A Xiaolin Showdown. It’s what happens when two warriors reach a stalemate over a Shen Gong Wu. Two words: Freak-y.

Omi: Jack Spicer, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown! I wager my Two-Ton Tunic against your Mantis Flip Coin. Whoever reaches the last stone first wins the Eye of Dashi. And the other Shen Gong Wu as well.

Wuya: Accept the challenge. Accept it!

Jack: I accept your challenge, Omi.

Omi: Let’s go! Xiaolin Showdown!

[ ]

[RUMBLING]

Jack: Huh? Ugh! Aagh!

Omi: Huh? Aagh!

Jack: Whoa! Whoa! Agh! [SCREAMS]

Omi: Oh. I did not expect this.

Dojo: That’s a Xiaolin Showdown for ya. Always keeps you guessing. Gong yi tan pai! That means “go”.

Jack: How am I supposed to do this?

Wuya: Use your Shen Gong Wu.

Jack: Oh, yeah. Mantis Flip Coin! [GRUNTS] Yoo-hoo-hoo!

Omi: Jack Spicer forgets I have my own Shen Gong Wu. Two-Ton Tunic! Ugh! [GRUNTS] Of course, I forgot the Two-Ton Tunic is very heavy. Whoa!

Raimundo: You know what I just realized? Master Fung never answered my question about the bed.

Omi: [GROANING] [GRUNTING]

Kimiko: Come on, Omi!

Jack: I’ve got this in the bag. But, never hurts to cheat. Jackbots! Don’t care, don’t want to know how, just make him gone!

Omi: Whoa! I cannot fight with this heavy garment! Whoa! It’s not your weight. It’s how you throw it around!

Clay: That’s showin’ ‘em!

Omi: Ugh! Honor the power of the “off” switch!

Kimiko: [LAUGHS] Don’t mess with the monk!

Wuya: Don’t just stand there like a buffoon. Finish the race!

Jack: Woo-hoo!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Omi: Yeeaagh!

Jack: [LAUGHS] Now that I’ve defeated you, perhaps you’ll respect the genius of Jack Spicer!

Omi: Respect this!

Jack: [SCREAMS]

Omi: Hi-ya!

[BOTH LAUGHING] (Raimundo and Kimiko)

Omi: [GRUNTS]

Wuya: Noooo!

Omi: Ha!

Kimiko: Omi, that was sweet!

Clay: You done a good day’s roundup, partner.

Raimundo: I really liked that robe thing. What’s it called again?

Omi: The Two-Ton Tunic! Whoa!

Raimundo: I got ya.

[ALL LAUGH]

[ ]

[ ]

Master Fung: You have all done exceptionally well. Wouldn’t you agree, Dojo?

Dojo: Not bad, for amateurs.

Master Fung: The journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step.

Dojo: Where do you get this stuff?

Master Fung: I have a desk calendar.

Omi: Master Fung, there are so many Shen Gong Wu left to be found.

Master Fung: Your new friends will help.

Omi: Oh, yes, master. I have already taught much to Kimiko, Raimundo and Clay.

Master Fung: But, Omi, they are here to teach you.

Omi: But I am the chosen one.

Master Fung: You aren’t the only chosen one, Omi. Someday your new friends may become Dragons, as well. Kimiko, the Dragon of Fire. Clay, the Dragon of Earth. And Raimundo, the Dragon of the Wind.

Omi: Is this true, master?

Master Fung: Yes, but I didn’t want to tell you until you were ready.

Omi: [GROANS]

Clay: I don’t think he was ready.