Bro Down

( cackling manically )

Bree: Okay, what is with all the happy, squeaky hamster noises? Did you finally grow a chest hair?

Chase: No! I grew two. Actually, this is a little something I like to call "Adam's payback."

Bree: For what?

Chase: Don't you remember what happened last Thursday?

Bree: Oh, yeah.

Leo: Adam, there is no way you can clear that counter.

Adam: I can reach that easy.

Bree: I've seen him do it.

''Chase: Hey. What you guys talkin' about?''

Adam: This.

Chase: Aaah!

Leo Told you.

Bree: Oh, yeah. We all love the "bionic brother toss."

Chase: Yeah? Well, let's see how he likes this.

Leo: Trap.

Adam: Trap what? Whoa!

Chase: Oh, yes! It worked! Now let's see how you like being relentlessly manhandled! That came out wrong.

Adam: Oh, the trap was on the floor.

Chase: Yep, and now we're gonna play a game called "Human Piñata." But instead of candy, we're gonna guess what Adam had for lunch.

Leo: Ironically, I'm guessing it's candy.

Adam: You're forgetting one thing, Chase-- I can use my heat vision to break free.

( thud )

Adam: Aaah! Ooh! Ha! Nice try!

Bree: Oh-- Adam?

Adam: Whoa. I never knew my arm could bend like that.

Chase: Um... it can't.

Adam: OWWWW! Ohhh!

. ..

Donald: You're lucky it's just a dislocation. How many times have I told you guys not to goof around?

Bree: Brace yourself, because this is probably gonna shatter your world, but they don't listen to a word you say.

Donald: Look, I know this was a freak accident, but he could have seriously been hurt. What if he'd have landed on his head?

Chase: Uh, it would have popped open, spraying confetti everywhere?

Adam: Oh ho! That would be awesome!

Donald: You know what I mean.

Chase: But Mr. Davenport, I wasn't trying to hurt him-- I was trying to get even. Adam is always punching me and throwing me around.

Adam: Yeah, but when I do it, it's funny.

Donald: Adam, it is not funny. If any of you get seriously hurt when I'm not around, all it takes is one X-ray of your bionic chip and you know what happens next.

Leo: Yep. You three go to a government facility, you go to the big house, and I get a big old mansion all to myself.

Donald: Leo, this is serious.

Leo: Oh, come on-- this really can't be the first time Adam has ever gotten hurt.

Bree: No, it really is. Although there have been some close calls.

Adam: Yeah, like that one time I reached under the table and when I stood up I--

( thud )

Adam: Ohh! Ohh. Hey, it was just like that!

Donald: Look, you're all gonna have to start being a lot more careful. You're superhuman, but you're not invincible.

Adam: Maybe not, but I can still do this. Ahhh! Oof! That hurts! Great, now Bree's the strongest.

. ..

( TV on )

Leo: Oh, I love this movie! Okay, I don't want to spoil it, but he falls off a cliff, those two get married, and that bear is her father in disguise.

Bree: Why do you always have to do that?! (Leo's voice): "I'm Leo, and I have to ruin everything for everyone."

Leo: What-- Did you just-- What'd you just do?!

Bree: (Leo's voice): I have no idea!

. ..

Donald: Bree, remember when I told you that strange things might be happening to your bionics? Well, it looks like you have uncovered one of your hidden abilities. Either that or puberty has been very unkind to you.

Bree: It's not funny. This is really freaking me out.

Leo: Freaking you out? You jacked my voice, man!

Donald: It seems to be some kind of vocal manipulation. Whenever Bree hears a sound, her bionics manipulate her vocal cords to reproduce the exact same sonic wave length.

Bree: Okay, that's fair. So Chase gets to move stuff with his mind, and I'm a ventriloquist without a dummy.

Donald: Look, I'm guessing you will develop a bank of voices and sounds that will come in handy on missions. But until then, do not use it. It's not a toy.

Bree: (Davenport's voice): Right, it's not a toy. And I'm awesome! Ha!

Leo: You can do him, too? This is incredible! Oh. Now say, "My name is Donald Davenport, and I would like to withdraw all my money from this bank."

. ..

Chase: Adam, what are you doing?

Adam: That accident was a wake-up call. I never realized how unsafe the world is-- danger lurks at every corner, and it uses the stairs to get there! Go around, Thistle! I was here first!

Chase: Wait. If you're suddenly so safety conscious, then I guess you won't be able to run after me when I do this.

Adam: Ow! Hey, be careful! Running down the stairs is dangerous! Lives are at stake here! Hey, you do know your class is downstairs, right?

. ..

Leo: Come on, Bree, this is the perfect place to use your vocal manipulation. It's a hotbed of authority figures, hormonal changes, and people I need to get even with.

Bree: Okay, fine. You want me to use it? (Leo's voice): Hi, I'm Leo Dooley, and that horrible stench you're smelling is me. Can I have a hug?

Leo: That's not true. I take a bath every day. Sniff me. That's "Hibiscus Waterfalls."

Perry: All right! Who put a raw chicken in my desk?! Joke's on you. An old deli accident left me immune to salmonella.

Leo: Bree, you have to imitate Principal Perry!

Bree: No way. I'm not even supposed to be using this ability in the first place.

Leo: Come on, this is too good to pass up. Do it! Do it, do it, do it!

Bree: Uhh! Okay, fine. But this is the last time.

Perry: Attention, students!

Bree: (Perry's voice): I have an important announcement: I'm a leprechaun.

Perry: Hey! Who said that? It's not true! I just like to run after rainbows!

Bree: (Perry's voice): I also have six toes on one foot.

Perry: It's not a sixth toe, it's an overgrown bunion! And it gives me the balance of a low-lying gorilla!

( laughter )

Perry: I don't know who's doing this, but when I catch you, you're gonna pay!

Bree: (Perry's voice): But not with me gold coins!

. ..

Chase: Have you lost your mind?

Bree: You're being ridiculous!

Adam: No, I'm not.

Donald: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on?

Bree: Our mission mother here is so obsessed with safety that he almost jeopardized the entire operation.

Chase: He wouldn't pitch in, he second-guessed everything I said, and look what he did to our mission suits.

Adam: Well, what was I supposed to do? They wouldn't wear their safety hats.

Donald: Adam, there is nothing wrong with being cautious. But if you're too cautious, you'll overthink things and you won't be able to complete your missions.

Adam: Oh. So if I'm not careful, I could get hurt. But if I'm too careful, I'm useless.

Donald: Exactly.

Adam: Great. No matter what I do I'm either hurting myself or the team. I'm not gonna be responsible for this. I'm not going on any more missions.

Donald, Chase & Bree: What?

Donald: Adam, what are you saying?

Adam: I'm saying I quit.

. ..

Chase: I can't believe Adam said he's quitting. What a baby.

Donald: He's had his confidence rattled. It's kind of like when a baseball player gets hit by the pitch and he's afraid to step up to the plate again. That is what happens, right? My high school sport was A.P. Chemistry.

Chase: He'll get over it. In the meantime, I'm loving this because for the first time ever, I'm the one making him flinch. Look at this. See that? Bruise-free! I can finally wear short sleeves again.

Donald: Look, Chase, I know this is fun for you, but if Adam stops going on missions, we as a unit are in trouble. The only way to fix this is to stop tearing down his confidence and start building it up again.

Chase: I can't do that. If he gets his confidence back, I'm just gonna go back to being his punching bag.

Donald: Or maybe now that Adam knows what it's like to be picked on, he'll treat you differently.

Chase: Yeah. I don't know if you've noticed, but Adam isn't really the best at learning... things. Okay, fine. I'll talk to him.

Donald: Good. 'Cause I thought I was gonna have to. Ugh.

. ..

Perry: I've got news for whoever parked their bike in my parking spot: Uh, you need a new bike, and you owe me four tires!

Bree: I'm gonna do her voice again.

Leo: Bad idea, Bree. She really looks mad, and with Perry, you need to know when to draw the line.

Bree: Come on. I'm loving this. I never knew bionics could be so much fun!

Leo: The last time she turned that red, the janitor had to take her down with a tranquilizer gun. And it took three shots.

Perry: Somebody better fess up. I don't have all day.

Bree: (Perry's voice): Because school ends right now.

( bell rings, students cheer )

Perry: No, no, no, no, no! Who said that? School isn't over! Don't make me go ''home. ''Aha.

Leo: Later.

Perry: Hold it right there, Dooley!

Bree: (Perry's voice): Keep walkin', Dooley!

Perry: Freeze, Dooley!

Bree: (Perry's voice): Beat it, Dooley!

Perry: Park it, Dooley!

Bree: (Perry's voice): Are you not listening? I thought I told you to..

Bree: ...have a nice day? Hi.

Perry: Gahhh! So... you're the little comedian, huh? I don't know how you're so good at imitating the chorus of angels that is my voice, but go ahead-- show me how you do it.

Bree: Uh-- well...

Perry: I'm waiting.

Bree: Well, I'm not... ( bell rings )... (Chase's voice): Really sure... ( alarm blares )... (Leo's voice): What you want me to say... ( bird chirping )... (Adam's voice): At this extremely... ( wolf howls )... (Boy's voice): Awkward... (Girl's voice): Moment... ( clown car horn ).

Perry: I don't know what that was. But I know something in there was offensive. I'm calling your dad, and you're staying after school. Don't move.

Leo: What just happened?

Bree: I got so nervous when Perry busted me that I glitched. Now Davenport's gonna know I used my vocal manipulation!

( dog bark )

Leo: If only someone suave, cool and collected, had told you not to.

Bree: Yeah, well, they didn't-- you did.

. ..

Chase: Adam, did you put a seat belt on the toilet?

Adam: Yep. And in the unlikely event of a bathtub overflow, the bath mat may be used as a flotation device.

Chase: What are you wearing?

Adam: Safety suit. You can never be too safe when you're making toast.

( exhales )

Chase: Adam, this is ridiculous. Life is about getting hurt. I get hurt all the time, but I don't go overboard and quit.

Adam: Yeah, but you're supposed to get hurt. I'm a huge, muscular, beastly man. For me it's just unnatural.

Chase: Look, you can't quit the team. Without you, Bree and I can't do it. We need your strength and your... strength.

Adam: Sorry, Chase, I made up my mind. Hey, you know the saying "There is no 'me' in 'team'"?

( toaster dings )

Adam: Mmm. There. I successfully made toast and avoided injury all thanks to my-- safety suit.

. ..

Bree: Great. Now Perry's gonna tell Davenport I was using my vocal manipulation.

Leo: Yeah, I like to split the world up into my problems and other people's problems, and this seems to fall squarely in the latter. So have fun with that.

Bree: No. No. This is partly your fault. Help me.

Leo: How? It's not like you can just be home right now to take the call to Davenport. Oh, right. You can.

. ..

Perry: Oh, great. Now I'm late for my anger management class. I hate it when I'm late for that class!!! All right, Davendork, let's see what excuse you come up with for your little delinquents this time.

. ..

( telephone ringing )

Bree: Hello? Uh-- (Davenport's voice): I mean, hello, this is Donald Davenport.

Perry: Don, Terry Perry. Listen, your little delinquent Bree is becoming a pain in the neck at school. And that's a problem, because I can barely stand the kids who behave.

Bree: (Davenport's voice): That's horrible. That doesn't sound like the charming, well behaved little princess I know as Bree.

Perry: (laughs) Well, you want to know what your princess sounds like when she's imitating me? I'll put her on the phone!

. ..

Perry: Dooley! Where's little miss lip flapper?

Leo: Oh. She... is-- Say, where do you get those lovely pantsuits?

Perry: I order them out of a hunting catalog. Where's your friend?! Why do I smell burning rubber? I hate the smell of burning rubber!

( Perry grumbling )

Perry: Oh. There you are. Come here and tell your dad what you did.

Bree: I am so sorry.

Perry: She's sorry.

Bree: I imitated Principal Perry. Yes, I will tell her you will punish me when I get home tonight. Okay, bye.

Perry: Wait! I wasn't done with him! Hello? Don? Don?

Bree: He hung up. Argh! I hate it when people hang up on me! Don't go anywhere. I'm calling him back.

. ..

( telephone ringing )

Bree: (Davenport's voice): Hello?

Perry: Oh. So you'll punish her at home, Mr. Davenport?

Bree: (Davenport's voice): You betcha.

Perry: Okay. Well, there's someone here who'd like to say hi.

Donald: Hello, Mr. Davenport? This is Mr. Davenport!

Bree: (Leo's voice): Hey, Big D. Leo here. I know you're mad at Bree, but trust me, this was all my idea.

. ..

Bree: I'm sorry that I used my vocal manipulation. But trust me, if you had it you'd be using it all day long.

Donald: No, I would not, because I am a mature adult. I'm an adult. Look, I know it's a lot of fun. But it's also a bionic ability, and we cannot risk people finding out about it.

Bree: You're right. And can I just say that this has taught me so much. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I have learned my lesson, and I will never do it again. Hugs?

Donald: Nice try. You're grounded.

Leo: Classic Davenport-- tough but fair.

Donald: You're grounded too.

Leo: Are you insane?!

. ..

Donald: How'd your talk with Adam go? Did you build up his confidence? Is he ready to get back up on the horse?

Chase: I keep trying, but whenever I say the word "horse," he runs out of the room because he's scared he's gonna get kicked.

Donald: All right, clearly, logic is not gonna work, so we're gonna have to resort to some good, old-fashioned trickery. Let's put our heads together and come up with a way to outsmart Adam.

Both: Done.

. ..

Donald: Okay, get ready. Here he comes. Adam! Oh, thank goodness you're here. There's an emergency. The operating system in Chase's capsule's malfunctioned! See?

Chase: Oh, no! I'm trapped in my capsule! I can't get out! I sure hope I don't asphyxiate in here! And stop breathing.

Donald: Adam, you gotta break open the door.

Adam: Yeah, nice try, guys. I know a prank when I see one. If this were real, Chase would be screaming and gasping for air, like when I use him to clean the toilet.

Donald: All right, Chase. Come on out. He's not buying it.

( beeping, whirring )

Chase: Uh, Mr. Davenport?

Donald: Adam, your-- your foot turned on the heat sanitizer! That thing gets up to 200 degrees!

Chase: I really can't breathe! Get me out!

Donald: It's locked! Adam, you gotta break down this door!

Adam: Ah, bravo! So dramatic! Your acting's much better this time.

Donald: Do it!!!

Adam: Wait a minute. He really is in trouble! Why didn't you say something?!

Donald: I did!

Adam: I'm coming for you, Chasey!

Donald: Are you okay?

Adam: Wait, wait. So you two set this whole thing up, and Chase almost turned into a S'more? Ha! And I'm the dumb one.

Chase: Adam... you just used your super strength to shatter an unbreakable capsule, and fear never even entered your mind.

Adam: Yeah, I wasn't thinking about getting hurt. I wasn't thinking at all.

Donald: Look, all this time you've been living in fear, and when you didn't have time to think, you just got the job done.

Adam: Wow! That's it! From now I just need to spend my whole life not thinking!

Chase & Donald: Absolutely.

Chase: So, you're back on missions?

Adam: I guess I am. Whoo-hoo!

Donald: Phew. I'm glad that worked out. And I think you both learned a valuable lesson today? No more horseplay.

Chase & Adam: Got it.

Adam: Hey, how about one more toss just for for old time's sake?

Chase: Do I have a choice?

Adam: No, you don't.

. ..

Adam: Hoo hoo hoo hoo!

Bree: Adam, I don't think you're doing it right.

Adam: Trust me, Bree, it will work.

Leo: Trap.

Adam: Wait-- trap what? Whoa! Uhh!

Bree: Told you you weren't doing it right. You left the remote over here.

Adam: Don't worry. I can use my heat vision to break free.

All: No!