Big Time Single

♪ ♪ what you want, what you feel ♪ ♪ never quit and make it real ♪ ♪ when you roll big time ♪ ♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪ ♪ hey, hey ♪ ♪ listen to your heart now ♪ ♪ hey, hey ♪ ♪ don't you feel the rush ♪ ♪ uh-oh, uh-oh ♪ ♪ uh-oh, uh-oh ♪ ♪ oh ♪ ♪ go and shake it up ♪ ♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪ ♪ go and make your luck ♪ ♪ with the life you choose ♪ ♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪ ♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪

[hesitant murmuring]

Uh?

Boys, do you have any idea How I got to be so rich and powerful?

Your grandpa invented the moist towelette And you inherited his fortune.

Now, you three, take kendall and get him over his heartbreak.

And you, get gustavo to write the single that rules the world.

See? Problem solved.

Or else.

[moans]

It's going to be easy.

We'll just snap him out of this Using our patented heartbreak treatment.

He sings, and we don't get griffin's "or else" treatment.

Guys, I'll be fine.

And no hitting me with a pie Or a giant boxing glove or a water soaker.

What? We were e never gonna--

Okay, but he is talking.

And, if he gets off that couch, We could go out and get a...

Pink smoothie.

You love pink smoothies.

That is true.

Yes, you and jo used to get them all the time, And you would laugh and--

Ow!

[moans]

Okay, look at it this way.

We need you ready for our big summer single now, And you're single now.

And think of all the cool things You can do with the boys again, Now that you're not tied down.

Like... Lobby hockey!

All: Whoo!

[fast rock music]

♪ ♪

Put it in! Put it in!

Oh! Come on.

Great save, buddy.

[glass shatters]

[sighs]

Pool's fun too. Both: I love the pool.

Whoo!

[moans]

He loves skateboards! Skateboarding!

Skateboarding! He loves skateboarding.

Step aside and make way.

Kendall knight is single again.

And riding high. Whoo!

[moans]

It's gong to be harder than we thought.

Yep. Yep.

[piano key clinking]

Okay, okay, okay.

Clearly, this opus is not working So let's try something else.

Oh, that's easy for you to say.

You don't have to write the mega-huge hit summer single That has to rule the world.

Oh, that's easy.

[laughs maniacally]

[piano key clinking]

Hey, you've written huge hits before, And you've had writer's block before.

So what'd you do the last time to break it?

It was the love song on the last album.

I couldn't come up with anything.

Total block!

And then she walked in.

Who? Who walked in?

Oh, no.

[heavy rock music]

♪ ♪

Katie, what'd you do that for?

Isn't that how I fixed his writer's block last time?

No! No?

Oh.

How about now?

No!

Huh, this is gonna be harder than I thought.

[whimpers]

[moans]

Not even a smile.

I really thought the puppet show would work.

I liked it. Oh, thanks.

At least somebody appreciates my art.

Just leave me alone.

Dude, you have to stop thinking about jo And start thinking about our super-huge summer single.

And more more importantly, we want our buddy back.

Yeah, and we can't help you if you won't let us in.

Why won't you let us in?

Enough!

Okay, he's mad.

But he is sitting up.

I can't even describe the feeling.

So until you all have girlfriends And you lose them in an instant, You're not going to understand what I'm going through.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Another puppet show?

No, we all get girlfriends And then lose them "in an instant."

And then kendall lets us in, And we cure him of his heartbreak, And griffin gets his big time summer single.

Let's get our hearts broken!

Whoo!

Hey, logan. Hey.

Chili cheese factory chili cheese fry?

They just opened, and they deliver.

No, but kendall's really heartbroken about jo leaving, And he says we can't help him until we understand What it's like losing a girlfriend instantaneously, So...

Say no more.

Logan mitchell, will you go out with me?

Yes.

It is over, logan mitchell, And I never want to see you again.

Thank you! You're welcome!

Will you help me with a unique situation By going out with me temporarily?

I have a boyfriend.

[grunts]

Hey, will you help me with a unique situation By going out with me temporarily?

Uh...Uh...

Will you help me with a unique situation By going out with me temporarily?

Uh, sure.

[grunts]

You said yes.

I've got 12 minutes.

Is that long enough to sustain A meaningful temporary relationship?

Uh-huh.

Ladies, who wants to go on a date with james diamond?

But I must warn you, it's going to have to end right after So I can understand kendall's heartbreak thing.

You're joking, right?

Hey, I do things for you!

Like what?

I'll start doing things for you?

Fine.

Who do you want to go out with?

Eeny...Meeny...Miney... Blonde.

Where have you two been?

Shopping.

Tell me again how shopping is supposed to help me Write my summer single that rules the world?

Because we were shopping for summer clothes, Which gets you in the summer mood.

Then why did gustavo buy you a $400 leather jacket When it's summer?

Because when it's summer here, it's winter in australia.

It's huge on you!

Shut up.

Now, sit down, channel summer, and write that hit single.

Okay.

[piano key clinking]

Katie, unless you cure his writer's block right now, You're fired.

Then I guess I'm fired. Bye!

Then I'm returning the jacket!

Teenagers drive 93% of the hit summer song market, So if you want this single to be huge, You have to connect with those teens.

Therefore, the solution to your problem Is to release your inner teen.

She's right.

But how am I supposed to release my inner teen?

Hey, who hates report cards?

Everybody gets acne.

Skateboards!

What's up, fry dude?

All right, catch you on the flip-flop.

Hey ladies, what is going down in the bplippity-blah-blah-blu?

Teens don't say that!

Nobody says that.

Whoa, talk in the hands, girlfriends.

[laughing]

That is so funny, blonde jennifer.

James, I didn't say anything.

[laughs] that's not important.

Hey, listen.

It has been great dating you, But here comes the awkward part.

Right, got it. I'm breaking up with you.

Exactly! Wait, what?

It sounded like you said you're...

Breaking up with you?

No! No, no, no, you can't do that!

That's what you wanted her to do.

But I'm supposed to break up with her.

No one dumps james diamond. I've never been dumped.

And now you have.

You're ruining my perfect never-been-dumped record.

Well, I've never been dumped either, And you're not ruining my perfect record.

No, no, no. You are not--

Wait, don't go! Jennifer, don't leave me!

[crying]

It's okay, buddy.

I know what you're going through.

What is it you two are going through?

The red-shirted girl.

It was the greatest 12 minutes of my life.

And now she's gone. She's gone, I tell you!

[both crying]

Pain, it hurts so real.

Hey, guys, I am sorry for snapping at you earlier--

[both wailing]

Do you see what you started?

[both moaning]

What happened?

Well, you told us we couldn't understand What you were going through, And so we all went out with girls, And theirs clearly ended worse than mine.

And if we don't get them to sing on the summer single, Then griffin's gonna "or else" us.

Now my perfect record is gone.

Why couldn't you let us in?

I'll never forget you, red-shirted girl.

Why aren't you facedown on the couch anymore?

Well, you guys told me to get my mind off jo.

And you guys did help me get my mind off jo.

But now I've said "jo" three times, And I'm starting to feel a little--

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, okay.

No, no, no, no.

Think about them and not jo.

Now, how are we gonna fix this?

[both crying]

By remembering what you guys told me.

We're single now, and we can do all the cool stuff We used to do before we were in relationships.

And we can get through this together.

Yeah! The boys are back!

This is how we roll! Whoo!

[both crying]

Yeah, this is gonna be harder than I thought.

Yep. Again!

I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure I'm not connecting with these teens.

Oh, what gave you that idea?

That's it! You failed.

I'm returning the jacket.

Leave the jacket out of this.

And teens these days aren't going to give you Any credibility until you establish...

Your shred ability.

Okay, do not do that.

Make way! O.M.G!

Bieber!

[loud crash]

Gustavo, are you okay?

[high pitched] I'm only 3 1/2 years old.

[blubbers]

Fine, I'll connect with the teens.

Tell me, teens, what's on your mind as summer approaches?

Oh, we all just went through some pretty weird breakups.

All: Really weird.

Mine lasted 12 minutes.

That's it! A breakup song.

We all go through them, so everyone can relate.

Get griffin and the dogs to the studio right now, Because I've got the summer single That's going to rule the world.

♪ she's gone forever ♪ ♪ but I'll never forget her face ♪

[crying] ♪ she said it was over ♪ ♪ and she moved so far away ♪

All: [wailing] ♪ and it's over ♪ ♪ it's over ♪

Okay, gustavo, seriously?

No, kendall, come on. Stay with me.

I don't like it, gustavo.

And I said I wanted my hit summer song today, Or else.

Griffin, I just need more time.

So now I'm giving all the money To market your summer single To our summer snack food division So they can launch their just-invented "yo-blow,"

The yogurt you can blow bubbles with.

I have no idea how it works, and, frankly, I don't want to.

Griffin, we can get you that single.

We just need more time.

They've never let you down, and you know that.

Katie, I like your jacket.

So you get one more day to give me a summer single With the word "beach" in it that rules the world, Or you all get yo-blow.

You two, get those two off the ground And get them to stop blubbering so they can sing.

Got it.

If I could just see her--

And you, fix my writer's block!

[both crying]

Okay, you know what we have to do.

Own it!

No!

Take carlos.

Find the red-shirted girl so he can see her one last time.

Just one more time.

Right.

You take james to find jennifer, And you get her to go out with him again.

So he can break up with her this time.

[crying] that might work.

Both: Move out!

Okay, you said you saw the red-shirt girl in the park.

[crying] but now I don't!

Okay, okay.

What else do you remember about her?

Well, she smelled like...

Like...

Like chili cheese fries!

Now it all makes sense.

She must have had the chili cheese fries Delivered from that new chili cheese factory.

Can we get some? They smell really good.

Nope.

Because we're going to check the palmwoods sign-in book To see which apartments had chili cheese fries delivered Then check those apartments and find your girl.

Yes! Whoo!

Here we come, red-shirted girl!

♪ chili cheese in the summer breeze ♪ ♪ making me sneeze and...♪

That was awful.

Really, really bad.

To the pool!

It's actually kind of funny when you think about it.

Just go back out with james so he can dump you this time.

All: Forget it.

Guys, come on. He's a total wreck.

[crying] this was not the plan!

Your plan was stupid.

You're stupid!

See, this is why I broke up with him.

Ah, you!

Hey, if you ever want to go out with her again, Then you'll stop all of this and turn on That good old-fashioned james diamond charm.

I'll need a tuxedo.

That's what I'm talking about.

♪ a tuxedo would be neat-o ♪ ♪ something else-o

♪ and the word "beach" ♪

Darn it!

Okay, this has to be her.

It's the last apartment That had chili cheese fries delivered.

Oh, that's it!

Please tell me that's not her.

Oh! I'll never see her again.

This makes no sense.

We've checked every single apartment that got a delivery.

Wait, I'm smart.

[moans]

Carlos, you down for some chili cheese fries?

[crying] what kind of question is that?

Okay, you look great.

Now go over there, turn on the charm...

And not the yelling at her!

Got it. Charm, no yelling.

Why won't you go out with me again?

♪ why won't you go out with me again? ♪

James, stop it. Stop it!

♪ james, stop it, stop it, stop it ♪

Now, one of you say the word "beach."

It's not going to happen, okay?

Ah!

Both: She dumped you. Deal with it.

Jennifer, please.

We need james to sing on our summer single, And he can't sing like that.

[groans]

Look, everybody has their price.

So what is it going to take for you to take james back So he can dump you?

I want the jacket.

What? There is no way I'm giving--

Katie, give her the jacket!

Take it.

And now, will you take me back?

Yes.

I'm dumping you!

All: We know.

[all snap]

All right. We got james back.

But I still don't have my summer single That rules the world.

Just call the song rule the world, Don't have anything about relationships Or girls in it, And instead of slow and emotional, Make it fast and danceable.

Katie, it is not that easy.

Wait a second. I'm amazing.

Whoo-hoo!

Gustavo rocque has a summer single!

Now all I need is a happy carlos!

[groans]

No happy carlos.

[groans]

But only for a second, Because I ordered him chili cheese fries.

How are chili cheese fries supposed to get that In a singing mood?

[doorbell rings]

Chili cheese factory.

Someone order chili cheese fries?

All: Carlos.

He did.

Hey, it's my old boyfriend.

Uh-huh.

Okay, carlos and me are back!

And now that kendall has jo out of his head, I said jo, didn't I?

[groans]

All: Yep.

There's one thing that snaps everyone out of heartbreak, A summer single that rules the world And has the word "beach" in it.

A summer single is not gonna help me, gustavo.

My summer single will.

♪ if I ruled the world ♪ ♪ I'd throw all the money in the air like confetti ♪ ♪ if I ruled the world ♪ ♪ every house got a dj and a backyard party ♪ ♪ if I ruled the world ♪ ♪ I'd dream out loud ♪ ♪ so everybody get up, up out of your seats ♪ ♪ kick off your shoes like you're down at the beach ♪ ♪ and jump up, up, up on the beat ♪ ♪ singing ay-oh, if I ruled the world ♪ ♪ I would give it, give it all to you ♪ ♪ give it, give it, give it all to you ♪ ♪ if I ruled the world ♪ ♪ I would give it, give it all to you ♪ ♪ give it, give it, give it all to you ♪ ♪ if you were my girl ♪ ♪ you'd never have to worry about another thing, no ♪ ♪ 'cause I'd rule the world ♪ ♪ and you'd be right next to me running the show ♪ ♪ we'd throw every rule in the book out ♪ ♪ and bring down the house ♪ ♪ if you were my girl we'd dream out loud ♪ ♪ so everybody get up, up out of your seats ♪ ♪ kick off your shoes like you're down at the beach ♪ ♪ jump up, up, up on the beat ♪ ♪ singing ay-oh, ay-oh, ay-oh ♪ ♪ up, up out of your seats ♪ ♪ be who you are, love is all you need ♪ ♪ all of us geeks, freaks, and wannabes ♪ ♪ singing ay-oh if I ruled the world ♪ ♪ I would give it, give it all to you ♪ ♪ give it, give it, give it all to you ♪ ♪ if I ruled the world ♪ ♪ I would give it, give it all to you ♪ ♪ give it, give it, give it all to you ♪ ♪ if I ruled the world ♪ ♪ yeah, you know ♪ ♪ if I ruled the world ♪ ♪ here we go, here we go ♪ ♪ so everybody get up, up out of your seats ♪ ♪ kick off your shoes like you're down at the beach ♪ ♪ jump up, up, up on the beat ♪ ♪ singing ay-oh, ay-oh, ay-oh ♪ ♪ up, up out of your seats ♪ ♪ be who you are, love is all you need ♪ ♪ all of us geeks, freaks, and wannabes ♪ ♪ singing ay-oh ♪ ♪ if I ruled the world ♪

Now, that is a song that will rule the world And, frankly, makes me want to kick off my shoes Like I'm down at the beach.

And cures heartbreak.

Whoo-hoo!

Yep, not everybody's heartbreak.

[moans]

I'll never forget you, leather jacket!