Dances with Wolverine: A Footloose Parody / Tater Tots & Tiaras

Wolverine: Another vanilla bean grey. (Dance music playing) I know that song. Could it be a clue about my mysterious past? (Goes outside to hear indistinct chatter)

Ariel Moore: Hey, mister. Wanna dance with us?

Wolverine: Nah. Dance's not really my thing.

Ariel Moore: But you did it on Broadway.

(Pulls out a record saying "Hugh Jackman: The Boy from Oz" - record scratch)

Wolverine: Uh, that must be from a past life I don't remember. LET'S DANCE!! (Pulls off his jacket. Suddenly, the police and Rev. Shaw Moore appear. Wolvering reacts by popping out his adamantium claws.) Man, I love that sound!

Rev. Shaw Moore: You better leave the Town of Bomont, son. We don't like your kind here.

Wolverine: You mean mutants?

Rev. Shaw Moore: No, DANCERS!

Wolverine: (sheathes adamantium claws) Wait. Is this a Footloose parody?

"Dances with Wolverine: A Footloose Parody"

Wolverine: Man, your dad's a real jerk, heh?

Ariel Moore: Four years ago, my dad went to see a movie called Step Up 2: the Streets. He hated it so much, he put a ban on dancing. Soon after that he banned planking, then Mario Lopez! We're actually fine with that one.

(Just then, the Rev. had to drive by with the Ban Board)

Rev. Shaw Moore: Hey, looks like someone forgot about my ban on expositions! Now get in the car, Ariel!

Ariel Moore: I don't wanua.

Rev. Shaw Moore: (Puts "Sass-Back" on the Ban Board) BOOM! I just put a ban on talking back!

(Both drive away, leaving Wolverine behind.)

Rev. Shaw Moore: I don't want you hanging around with this Wolverine fella.

Ariel Moore: Why? Because he's a middle aged man with metal skeleton knives in his hands and a reputation for being a troublemaker?

Rev. Shaw Moore: No, because he dances! (Pulls out a DVD saying "Hugh Jackman: Back on Broadway!")

Ariel Moore: Ugh, you're so unfair!

Rev Shaw Moore: BOOM! I just put a ban on fairs!

(As soon as the ban kicked in, the local Fair shuts down.)

(Music stops) People: AWWWWWWW!

Wolverine: (Riding motorcycle) He can't just outlaw dancing. That's like the time the government outlawed mutants, only substituting the word "dancing" from "mutants"! (He stops at a warehouse.) I need to help those kids, but I don't know how. I am so full of rage... BERSERKER DANCE RAGE!!!!!!

(Wolverine does crazy dance moves.)

Bruno Tonioli: Wolverine, you were brilliant! You slashed your way into my heart with your curvy Latin hips and your sunfish sideburns! A++, my good man! Now go into that city council meeting and deliver a speech about the human spirit!

Wolverine: You're right, voices in my head! I'll do just that.

Rev. Shaw Moore: All right, all in favor of banning dopey movie parodies, say "ay

GASP!

Wolverine: Wait. Stop everything.

Rev. Shaw Moore: Uhh! What do you want? Owwsaay!

YEAH! Woot! RAH RAH! WEEHEE!!!!

Wolverine: When I came into this town 13 hours ago, I was running away from my past. But what these crazy dancing teens have taught me is that I was actually running towards my future. And in that future, there's a time to fight, and a time to dance. And this is our time... to dance!

(Nothing happens. rofl?) It's dancing time now.

(DANCE PARTY!!!!!!)

Nostalgic Cameo Guy: Hoo-hoo! Go, Wolverine!

(Stop the DANCING

Rev. Shaw Moore: All in favor of banning nostalgic cameos, say "aye"!

Everyone: Aye!!!

Nostalgic Cameo Guy: D'ooh!

(PARTY Time! (again) )

Rev. Shaw Moore: Wolverine, you showed me the error of my ways. I lift the "dancing" ban. Now let's see those crazy dance moves I've been hearing about.

(SWING SWING)

Wolverine: We did it, guys.

(It's a Cut off Segment, Dork)

Wolverine: Oh no, not again. You saw what happened, right? They fell. They- let's just get our stories straight.

Bruno Tonioli: Wolverine, the cameraman knows too much. He must be silenced.

Wolverine: I'll do just that.

(Slap! BBBBZZZZTT)

Woody: Ah, summer vacation... is over. Now what are we toys supposed to do?

Mrs. Potato Head: Hey, Woody! You want to be a judge at my daughter's beauty pageant?

Woody: You have got to be kidding me.

(Tater Tots & Tiaras, after the title card)

Mrs. Potato Head: Now, Savannah, honey, what are we gonna do today?

Savannah: Win the pageant, be crowned Little Miss Fancy Lady, and see my enemies (pulls out sword) driven before me!

(Destroys stuff with sword)

Mrs. Potato Head: That's right, and have fun, I'm permitting.

(cuts to Mrs. Potato Head's interview)

Mrs. Potato Head: Not only is she a 32-time pageant winner, but she's also an accomplished recording artist, and an aspiring dancer.

(Savannah spins across the floor)

Mr. Potato Head: Sorry, honey. I accidentally kicked her across the room.

Mrs. Potato Head: The only one who even has a chance against my baby is that American Girl jerk.

(cuts to the Kittredges preparing for the pageant)

Kit Kittredge: Now, sweetie, you're gonna go out there and win the pageant! You know why?

Kitty Kittredge: Because my mommy is the prettiest in the whole wide world?

Kit Kittredge: That's a good girl!

(cuts to Kit's interview)

Kit Kittredge: It's all about her! And she'd better win this because (gets carried away) I want this so bad! I said she needs this, right. Yeah, that's what I said.

Kitty Kittredge: She definitely said her.

(cuts back to the Potato Heads)

Mrs. Potato Head: Hold still, sweetie you have to look your best. I did not want you to be a loser.

(Mrs. Potato Head takes off all of Savannah's parts and replaces them with a woman's look)

Mrs. Potato Head: Now you're beautiful where it counts on the outside!

(cuts to the day of the pageant)

Hamm: Ladies and gentlemen, ehh, welcome to the Little Miss Fancy Lady Pageant, our first contestant, Miss Savannah Potato Head!

(Savannah dances while rock music can be heard in the background)

Mrs. Potato Head: Yeah, baby! Bake that potato!

(cuts to the judges' interviews)

Barbie: What I look forward when I judge is attitude, sass, and the ability to bend their arms. I can't do that.

Woody: What I'm looking for is the exit.

Hamm: Next up, miss Kitty Kittredge.

Spongebob: Did he just say that?

Strawberry: I don't know.

Kit Kittredge: Go Kitty, don't ruin this for me. And by me I mean you.

Mrs. Potato Head: How can I say this in the nicest way possible? Kitty Kittredge is GARBAGE!

Hamm: And the new Little Miss Fancy Lady is..... Savannah Potato Head.

(Savannah gets the tiara and the trophy)

Mrs. Potato Head: We did it! We did it! I WON! I WON!

(Mrs. Potato Head growls, she takes the trophy from Savannah, everyone gasp)

Mrs. Potato Head: Why should Savannah get the trophy? When you have a prized pumpkin. The pumpkin dosen't get the ribbon. Right, honey.

Mr. Potato Head: Right.

Savannah: I'M GONNA TURN YOU INTO CURLY FRIES!!!

(End segment.)