Quips

Benson: You guys have all your assignments for today. Oh, and don't forget that tonight is Game Night.

Mordecai: Aw, yeah! Game Night!

Rigby: What are we playing?

Benson: Yeah, Skips, what are we playing?

Skips: Tonight, we will be playing Drawsome.

(All the park workers cheer)

Muscle Man: Alright. I love me some Drawsome. Who else is showing up to this Drawsome event?

Skips: I got a giant baby, Gary, and my cousin, Quips. (All the park workers groan) What?

Mordecai: Your cousin Quips is really annoying.

Rigby: Yeah, man, he's always telling lame jokes.

Skips: What are you guys talking about?

Mordecai: Come on, every other word out of that guy's mouth is some annoying joke.

Rigby: Yeah, some joke that isn't funny.

Skips: Come on, guys! His jokes aren't that bad.

(A taxi pulls up)

Quips: And then he said, "Yes, I do!" (Laughs) Alright, seriously, last one, cause I got to go. (The taxi driver locks his door, and drives away) What? Hey wait, I didn't get to finish my punchline! Aw well, he's probably already heard my routine. (He turns around and sees all of the others) Heeey, who's ready for some funny?

Everyone except Skips: Ugh!

Skips: You guys all remember my cousin, Quips.

Everyone except Skips: Hey, Quips.

Quips: Hey, Benson. Nice to see ya. Speaking of "see ya," what did one ocean say to the other ocean? "'Sea ya later!" (Laughs)

Benson: I don't get it.

Quips: Oh, well, an ocean is a body of water, and the sea is also––

Benson: I don't care.

Quips: A little more care will get you a little more hair. Zingo!

Benson: Ugh!

Pops: Hello, Quips.

Quips: Pops, looking good. In fact, you look amazing. Just a compliment, don't get a big head. (Everyone is shocked) Oops, too late! Zammo! And of course Muscle Man, you love the jokes, why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bay-gulls! (Laughs) I got a whole bait about bodies of water. What? You say you want another one?

Muscle Man: We didn't say anything.

Quips: What did the lake say to the puddle?

Skips: Come on, Quips. Let's get you unpacked. You probably want to lie down after your trip.

Quips: Guess it's time to take this comedy show on the road. And by comedy show, I mean me! Zingo! (Leaves)

Mordecai: Dude, he's even worse than last time.

Rigby: Yeah, Skips. Tell your cousin that if he can't stop telling jokes, then he's gotta get outta here.

Skips: I can't just do that! I invited him here. No one told you to get rid of your brother Don when he visited.

Rigby: That's because everyone loved him! I tried to get rid of him!

Skips: Ugh! Alright fine, I'll tell him soon.

(While Skips leaves, everyone coughs)

Quips: Wow guys, those coughs sound pretty serious. You guys should see a doctor. Oh, that reminds me, why did the clown go to the doctor? He was feeling a little funny!

(Scene cuts to Skips's garage)

Skips: I set up the extra cot for ya. Make yourself at home

Quips: Could I also make myself six feet tall and handsome? Zingo!

Skips: Look Quips, I gotta tell you something.

Quips: Wait, I need to tell you something. I just really appreciate you letting me hang out tonight, Skips.

Skips: Uh-huh.

Quips: I actually got fired from the comedy club, and I needed to hang out with family and friends. This weekend is really gonna help me get my confidence back. (Sniffles) Sorry. Didn't mean to get so serious. Don't worry! I'm gonna take a walk and come back funnier than ever. Zingo! (Leaves)

(Scene cuts to nightime and everyone is at Skips's door. Skips comes out.)

Benson: Who's ready for some Drawsome?

Muscle Man: Drawsome! Whoo! (Waves his shirt around in the air)

Pops: I brought my pencil. Gimme somethin' to write on, man!

(Everyone laughs)

Benson: Wait, did you talk to your cousin?

Skips: I, uhh....

Quips: Knock, knock!

Mordecai: (In an annoyed tone of voice) Who's there?

Quips: Radio. (Long silence) You're supposed to go "Radio, who?"

Mordecai: (Sounding just as annoyed) Radio, who?

Quips: Radio not, here I come! Zingo! It's funny cuz' I said "Zingo!" at the end. And I see you brought a #2 Pencil. Do pencils even go Number #2? Maybe after too many beans. (Pops puts away his pencil) Do pencils even eat beans? I mean, am I right, guys? What's that all about? (Chuckles) So, who's ready to get started? You guys all in?

(Everyone begins to disagree angrily and walk away)

Skips: Wait here, just a second. (Skips over to the guys) Wait! You guys can't leave!

Benson: Yes, we can.

Muscle Man: There's no way I'm playing Drawsome with that flop factory!

HFG: Yeah! He's not funny.

(Everyone agrees while continuing to walk away)

Skips: Wait, Mordecai and Rigby! You guys have to stay! You know you owe me.

(Clips of things Skips has Mordecai with such, as defending them from a pack of blue red-eyed wolves, rescuing them from a sinkhole, and helping them escape a horde of what looks like Pops in form of a Man-Bat.)

Rigby: Alright, I guess we'll stay.

(scene cuts to Skips, Mordecai, Rigby, and Quips getting ready for "Drawsome")

Quips: Hey, you guys puttin' up paper?

Mordecai: (flattly) Yeah.

Quips: What did the guy paper, say to the girl paper, when he picked her up for a date? (long silence) I like your pad. (chuckles) Get it? Like a pad of paper! (Rigby groans as Gary and Reginald arrive with a bowl of dip)

Reginald: Hello.

Mordecai: Aw, dip!

Rigby: Whoo! Yeah! (everyone goes to try the dip.) This dip is great!

Mordecai: What's your secret?

Gary: A cosmic chef never reveals his methods.

Quips: Hey, have you heard the one about the chef in space? He was famous for his spaghetti and "meteorballs".Meteorballs? Yeah, I'm still working on it. (tries more dip)

Skips: Uh, okay everyone. Let's get this game night rolling.

(scene cuts to the game starting with Mordecai drawing a shrimp)

Skips: Uh, lobster!

Rigby: Crustacean!

Skips: Shrimp! (Mordecai grunts and circles his picture) Jumbo Shrimp!

Mordecai: Yes! (laughs)

(scene cuts to Gary drawing an abnormal looking circle)

Quips: Go, Gary, Go!

Reginald: Is that Pops? Oh, villain! (Gary draws more of his picture)

Quips: Your mom? Your mom's boyfriend?

Skips: Time's up!

(Reginald, Quips and Gary groan)

Gary: Man in the moon! It was "Man in the moon"!

Quips: Wow! For real? I really thought that was your mom's boyfriend. Zingo! (Gary looks dumfounded. Montage of the game progress)  How you catch a unique lion? "Unique" up on him. Zingo! How do you catch a tame lion? "Tame" way! Zingo!

Mordecai: Dude, is this Game Night or Lame Night?

Rigby: Yeah, we came here to play Drawsome, not listen to jokes.

Quips: Guys, guys. Call me crazy, but maybe if you laughed more, you'd have a better time. And maybe, you'll even draw better.

Gary: Hey, what do you think you're doing? You're on our team, remember?

Reginald: Yeah. Are you trying to make us lose?

Quips: It's just a game, Reggie. Hey, that reminds me! Why can't you play games in the jungle? Because there's always gonna be a "cheetah"!

Reginald: Just take the game seriously!

Skips:  (takes Quips aside) Hey, Quips. Try not to upset Reginald.

Quips: Aw, why would I want to upset the little guy?

Skips: He gets upset if people don't take the game seriously.

Quips: I hear you, loud and clear, Skips.

Skips: Good. Okay, Reginald. You're up.

Quips: Good luck, Reggie!

Reginald: (groans) I don't need luck. I was a communications major. (draws picture)

Gary: Bacon?

Quips: Bacon.

Reginald: (annoyed) He just said that!

Quips: Uh, bacon!

Reginald: It isn't bacon!

Quips: C'mon! Are you sure its not bacon? Zingo!

Skips: Time!

Reginald: Fire engine! It is a fire engine! You would have got it if you didn't keep guessing "bacon"!

Quips: But guessing "Bacon" is way funnier than guessing "Fire Engine." (points) Look, it got a side of eggs.

Reginald: That is a Dalmatian!

Quips: (laughs) Dalmatian?

Reginald: I majored in communications!

Quips: Maybe it's time for a refresher course, cuz' all you're communicating here is that you don't know how to draw a Dalmatian. Zingo!

Reginald: What?! No one tells me that I need a refresher course!

Gary: That was a bit harsh, Quips."Drawsome" is supposed to be a safe space, free of judgement.

Quips: Aw. Is Baby upset? Is he gonna call the "Waahmbulance"?

Reginald: How dare you!!

Quips: Whoa, whoa! Okay buddy. You were right, Skips, he does get upset when people don't take the game seriously. (Skips make a hand motion) Maybe somebody should tell him it's just a game. Zingo!

Reginald: SILENCE!!! (zaps both Skips and Quips into a cube with his rattle)

Mordecai and Rigby: Skips!!

Skips: Smooth move, Quips.

Quips: He missed out on a great punch line. (Skips punches a wall several times) Hey Reginald, you might wanna get some help for your anger issues. It could lead to high blood pressure. That's a dangerous health risk for a baby.

Reginald: I DO NOT HAVE ANGER ISSUES!!! (zaps the cube, sending it into a wall.)

Gary: Just take a deep breath, man. We're all just here to draw some pictures.

Skips: Quips, you gotta stop!

Quips: I haven't been this claustrophobic since before I was born. Talk about a "womb with a view." At least he's not closin' the walls in on us.

Reginald: Great idea! (shrinks the cube)

Skips: Aw, why did you say that? We're gonna get crushed!

Quips: It was a joke!

(Skips tries to stop the cube from shrinking)

Mordecai and Rigby: Skips, Skips! (both toss a dumbbell at the cube but get zapped)

Quips: Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the crib. Zingo!

(Reginald growls in anger)

Gary: Calm down, man. Have some 7-layer dip.

Quips: Jeez. I didn't mean to get you all "rattled"! (laughs) Skips! Did you see what I did there? I used "rattle"! Can't this guy take a joke?

Reginald: Okay, funny man! If you're so fond of your jokes, why don't you listen to some of your own? (zaps the cube, bringing goofy looking pictures of Quips onto the walls)

Quips Photo #1: Where do sheep go to get their haircuts?

Quips Photo #2: To the "baa-baa" shop.

Quips Photo #3: Why was the broom late for school? It "over-swept".

Quips Photo #4: How do you catch a fish on your computer? With the "Inter-Net".

Quips: (laughs) This guy is pure gold! Don't worry, Skips. I'll just tell Reggie some more jokes.

Skips: What? What are you talking about?

Quips: Seriously. As soon as I get him laughing, he'll let us out for an encore.

Skips: He's not gonna laugh at your jokes! (pushes against the walls, making them crack)

Quips: Sure he will! Maybe he just has a problem with understanding them.

Skips: THE BABY IS NOT THE PROBLEM HERE! YOU ARE!

Quips: What do you mean?

Skips: All you do is tell bad jokes!

Quips: What?! People love those jokes.

Skips: No, they don't! (punches a wall) Quips, you're not funny! (continues punching walls until the cube is entirely destroyed.)

Mordecai: Skips, are you alright?

Skips: Yeah, I've been worse.

Quips: (groans) I had no idea that you guys didn't think I was funny. I thought you all called me "Quips" because my last name is "Quippenger".

Skips: No, it's because you're always telling jokes.

Rigby: Yeah, really bad jokes.

Skips: Rigby! Look, Quips, I know you really wanna be a comedian, but it's just really annoying when you're always trying out your material on us.

Quips: I'm sorry, everybody. I had no idea. I just really thought you guys all thought I was hilarious. I wish you had told me this sooner.

Skips: That's okay.

Quips: This must be why I got fired from the comedy club. Zingo! (Gary and Reginald blush a little) Sorry, sorry! Just kidding. I promise I'll stop now.

Skips: Actually, I think I know a place that your jokes just might work.

(scene cuts to Quips dressed like a clown)

Quips: Why do clowns love telling jokes? Because they "nose" what's funny! (honks nose) Zingo! (children laugh)

Skips: That's a better audience for him.

Mordecai: Um, yeah.

(episode ends)