Brainwashed

1 Previously I didn't get to properly introduce myself before. I'm KC Cooper, and I'm your cousin. I'm actually looking at my mother's face. - Abby, she's alive. - What? She's alive, and I know where she is. We did good, Mom. You did good. So what are you really doing here? - Carrying out my mission. - Which is? To win KC's trust so she'd convince Kira to bring me to you. Abby and Erica just have us backed into a corner, and we're just supposed to carry out whatever mission they ask of us. This is awful, and part of me feels like it's all my fault. Why would you feel that way, honey? Just because you insisted on being friends with Abby even after I said let it go, and because you insisted on making her a part of the family, even though I said she was bad news, and because you were the one that talked me into reuniting Abby with her mother, dragging my evil freak of a sister out from under a rock and back into our lives? No, honey, it ain't your fault at all. You're not perfect either, you know. Thanks for showing up, ladies. Not that you had a choice. Oh, Erica, nice shoes. I'd love to take a better look at them right after a twister drops a house on you. Interesting location for a meeting. It's a convenient location, since your mission will be carried out at the Georgetown Potomac Hotel. That's where the election night results party's being held. I'm impressed, KC. Now I feel bad for calling you a gullible idiot. Oh, do you want a beat down, 'cause I'm having a two-for-one special, and I do not charge delivery. Let's go! All right, all right. Okay, Erica, come on, let's get this over with. What do you want? KC will sneak us and a weapon past hotel security tomorrow night. What? Absolutely not. I'm not gonna let my baby do that. (Baby voice) Oh, poor little KC. Do you also need a nap during your mission? Oh, poor wittle Abby. Do you have a bwuised spween? That's enough, KC. But good shot, baby. If you don't do what you're told, I'll be more than happy to take an ax to the family tree. Starting with your branch. I'll be escorting you to the hotel personally tomorrow night. But it's impossible to bring a weapon into that highly secured area. Unless your father's the future vice-president's head of security detail. Wow, two for two. Even a stopped clock is right once a day. (Derisive chuckle) It's twice a day. If you're gonna make some sarcastic barbs, at least try to make them right, okay? This is Agent Johnson. Code red. The future president could be at risk. (Drunkenly) Have a blessed day. (Normal voice) Darn it. That was a six-dollar espresso. Oh, when danger comes for you You know I'll stand beside you 'Cause ain't nobody keep things hustle cool I'll always find a way, a way out of the fire Don't tell nobody, tell nobody I'm not perfect So many things I wanna tell you But I, I, I, I keep it undercover Livin' my life, no way to learn Doin' my thing, gonna make it work Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless But I always got your back Nobody can do it like I can I gotta find out who I am Ain't got to worry about me It's all part of the plan I keep it undercover. I keep it undercover. You know, I'd say I'll miss you, Ernie, but my parents taught me not to lie. Well, don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. That kid has no respect for me. If I never see him again, it'll be too soon. You're heading up his security team for the election results party tomorrow night. So I guess it's too soon. What? I'm on the verge of killing that obnoxious kid. Good. Then you can start by protecting him from yourself. Fine. It's my own fault. I guess I'm just too darn good at what I do. Yeah, let's just call it that. You need to get that weapon through security, then await further instruction. You don't have to do this, you know. (Derisive chuckle) You don't get it. I'm not the sweet little orphan girl I pretended to be. I'm not being forced. I want to do it. I was talking about taking Connecticut Avenue. I mean, with this traffic, we're not gonna move anywhere. So how about you just turn around, and we'll do this next election. Enough, KC. You're not gonna change my mind. Look, Abby, I think you're confused. You just got your mom back, and you wanna make her happy, - and that's normal. - (Evil laughter) That evil laugh, that's not normal. This is not about my mom. This is about a lifetime of preparation. I was trained to be the best of the worst. Please. I have seen better worse. I mean, you're not the worst best of the worst, but you are definitely not the best best of the worst. For your information, I'm special. - How? - I just am. - Yeah, whatever. - I am. No, you're just like everybody else. Oh, really? Was everybody else raised by the head of the Other Side? Yeah, right. No one even knows who the head of the Other Side is. I do. I call him Daddy. That seems inappropriate. Unless he's your actual daddy. What can I say? I was born to be bad. Yeah, well, you weren't born to drive, because we've been sitting at this green light for the past two minutes. (Horns honking) Colin: Who is it? It's Ernie. - Ernie who? - Ernie Cooper. I don't think I know an Ernie Cooper. You knew me when you left my house yesterday. Oh! That Ernie Cooper. Sorry. I'm not supposed to open the door. You can for me. I'm your head of security. If you're my head of security, then why can't you open the door? Just open it! Thank you. Look, I know you think I'm a loser, but I'm very qualified to keep you safe, and I'll be keeping my eyes on you at all times. So in other words, you're my babysitter? Well, if I am, that makes you a baby. Well, if I'm a baby, go ahead and change my diaper! If the job requires it, I will. - This just got weird. - Big time. (Machine beeps) - Next. - (Machine beeps) Keep moving. Move it along. Okay, I'm in. What do I do now? Abby: Get through security using the cloaking gadget I gave you, like we planned. Stop talking to me. You look like a lunatic. Says the girl who has an elaborate plan to take over the world. Keep moving. Keep moving. Next. Next. Keep moving. Next. Move it along. Keep moving. (Alarm beeps) We need to do that again. Next. Excuse me. You've been selected for random pat-down. Weapon! Get down! KC? What are you doing here? Uh, is it Bring Your Daughter To Work Day? I'm sorry, Craig. I forgot to tell you. I asked KC to be extra back-up. It's all right. She's with us. It's all right. KC, you need to be more careful. These agents don't know you. They thought you were trying to sneak a weapon in here. (Nervous laughter) Keeping this secret from your father is killing me. Yeah, I have another secret that you can't tell him about. I just found out that Abby's dad - is the head of the Other Side. - Seriously? My sister married the head of the Other Side? And my parents were disappointed when I chose your father. Wait till they hear this. Abby: Keep moving. Telling Kira about my dad won't do any good. Without a name or a face, you have nothing. Nothing but a deep hatred for my cousin. On your left room 1217. It's locked. What now. I guess we'll have to call off the mission. You might as well go home. - Really? - No! You're a spy. Is this your first locked door? No, it's not my first locked door. Place the dart gun in the desk drawer. Okay, I did it. KC, there are cameras everywhere. I can see you. If you don't believe me, that pant suit is no friend of yours. Now put the dart gun in the drawer. KC? Oh, Senator Cleveland. I was just, um checking the room. Making sure everything's secure. You know, like me, because I am rocking this pant suit. In fact, I am rocking it harder than it's ever been rocked before. - Right, Senator? - Oh, yes, yes. You look very nice, KC. Uh thank you? No problem. Mom, come in. Room service. Compliments of the hotel. In honor of you winning the election. Oh, well, we haven't won yet. Oh, Senator, if I didn't think you were going to win, I wouldn't be here. Now Listen to the sound of my voice. You do remember the sound of my voice, don't you? I remember. And I await your instructions. It worked. He's completely under my control now. After I nail Ellis with this dart, he'll go into a coma, and our vice-presidential puppet will be the acting president of the United States. You need that sugar like you need a hole in your head. How would you like a hole in your head? - Try it. I dare you. I dare you! - You make me sick. I can't stand the sight of you. Gotta admit, I missed you, babe. Same here, sweetheart. (Knock on door) Colin, where are you? Dude, it's not cool to ditch your security. Just kidding, sir. I know exactly where your son is. Sir? Are you all right? Hello! Are you okay? Oh, he's fine. Just a little brainwashed. Aunt Erica. I didn't know you were in DC. Hey, when did you get a job in the hotel? Ernie, you are now under my control. Do you understand? Yes, Aunt Erica. You will forget you ever saw me. And just to be sure you don't get in the way tonight, whenever you hear the word "election," you will have the overwhelming urge to pee. Do you understand? Yes, I understand. Let's be sure. Election. - Election. - (Zipper unzips) Stop! To be clear, you will take care of your urge in the bathroom. Excuse me. Sorry. Mom, I figured out what their plan is. The second Ellis is elected president, they're gonna shoot him with a dart gun so we need to find out who's going to use that weapon. Or you can keep your mouth shut and maybe your family will live. Bacon-wrapped fig? Look, what you guys are doing is wrong, and you're not gonna get away with it. This is all gonna be tracked back to you. Will it? Or will it get tracked back to the person whose fingerprints are on the dart gun? Which would be me. You're gonna pin this on your own niece? We were never really that close. Oh, yeah? Well, you are awful. You just disgust me. There were no vegetarian options on that tray. What am I supposed to eat, the napkin? Vege-phobes. Mom, I'm serious. What they're doing can take down the entire country. KC, you know what? I think it's time we let your father and the Organization know what's going on. Dad, Erica and Abby are here. What? How is that even possible? No one has gotten in or out of this party without me knowing about it. Yeah, well, I kinda sorta snuck them in. KC! Dad, before you yell at me, okay, it gets worse. They're here with the head of the Other Side. They're planning on doing something to Ellis the second he becomes president. That's impossible. I'm in charge of security. There's no way to get a weapon in here. - Unless KC snuck one in. - KC! Dad, before you yell at me, it gets even worse. Look, because we don't know who the head of the Other Side is, or what he looks like, we can't stop him. Now you can yell at me. KC, good work. Good work? How is that good work? The guy isn't gonna be president for two minutes, and thanks to her, he could be on his way out. Always with the glass half full, huh, Craig? We've been trying to figure out who the head of the Other Side is for years. Thanks to KC, we at least know he's in this room. It's the closest we've ever been to taking him down. You're welcome. And we can talk about my thank-you convertible another time. Save it, KC. We've been monitoring you for the last two weeks. The only thing you did right was to finally come to us with the truth. Okay, can you keep that in mind when you find my fingerprints all over the weapon - used to take down the president? - That's it! If they're gonna frame you, then the head of the Other Side can't leave his fingerprints on the dart gun, so all we have to do is find the guy at this party wearing gloves. Of course. And how hard could it be to find someone wearing gloves? Apparently a lot harder than I thought it would be. All right, we have plenty of time, because I'm assuming they're not gonna do anything to Ellis unless he's actually elected, We're not gonna know those results for a few hours. Reporter on TV: It's a landslide! It's early, but we're calling it right now. Charles Ellis has won the election. So much for having a few hours to find him. Charles Ellis and Jackson Cleveland will be giving their acceptance speeches live in a matter of moments from their headquarters at the Georgetown Potomac Hotel. Dad, we need to find him. Yes, and we need to find the assailant right now. Everybody fan out. Okay, Jackson, smile. Act natural. Introduce the president. First, I'd like to say to Mr. English, my high school guidance counselor who told me I'd never amount to anything, ding dong, you're wrong. I'm the vice-president! But anyway It's been a long election season, and we fought hard to win this election. But let's not forget the real winners of this election. Thank you for making this country a wonderful I've got eyes on Erica. I'm taking her out. Don't move, Erica. I've got you. (Southern accent) Erica? I don't know to whom you are referring. Drop the phony Southern accent. You're not fooling anybody. You're not the belle of this ball. The real winners are the American people. (Cleveland continues indistinctly) I made plenty of speeches during this election. - Election. - Election, election, election, election. Election, election, election, election, election, Election, election, election, election, election, election (Bones cracking) It's time to bring out President Ellis, the winner of the election! Ernie: Election. I gotta pee! Hey, Uncle Craig. Craig, are you okay? We gotta go get Abby and Erica. You go get the head of the Other Side. The head of the Other Side was just in this room. Come on, where is he? Somebody had to see something. The head of the Other Side just knocked me out. - He went that way. - Thanks. Let's go. Where are they? (Boat speeding off) They're getting away! Now what are we gonna do? Ship-to-shore. Wanna get in, Mom? Okay. This is Agent 8780223 of the Organization, requesting backup from the Coast Guard. We're right behind you, and we're catching up. I cannot understand this girl. In a car, she was driving ten miles an hour, but in a boat, she's halfway across the Potomac. I hope for your sake, you're wearing life vests. Mom, what are we supposed to do now? Let the Coast Guard get 'em. We don't have our weapons. There's nothing we can do. We can't let 'em get away that easy. Look, you grab hold of the helm. - I've got an idea. - Okay. - You got it? - Yeah. Got it. - Come on, KC. - I got it. You missed! (Abby laughing) Well, looks like they won't be joining us for Thanksgiving this year. Well, I guess now that I've saved the president's life, you'd like to know that you do respect me. No. If it wasn't for you, my dad would be president. Uh, Dad, am I still in charge of keeping Colin safe? No, you're done. Good, 'cause I'm about to kick your obnoxious little butt. Well, now that Ernie and I have been de-programmed, for my first official act as vice-president, I would like to declare this Cooper Day. - Can you do that? - No, but I'd like to. - Thanks for everything, Craig. - No problem. And congratulations, Coopers, for finally revealing the leader of the Other Side. Now all we have to do is find him and capture him. Okay, that sounds like a lot more work now that I said it out loud. You okay, KC? Yeah, it's just I just wish that I didn't have to They're still our family. Honey, you didn't have a choice. You did what you had to do. Any one of us would have done the same thing. I got you. Thanks, Daddy. Now to get those Coopers. All in due time, honey. We're playing the long game now. We got bigger fish to fry. I have a long list of people who could still make our plan work. Believe me, this is far from over. Baby, you are so good at being bad. You know I am. Ew, gross! Rob, your name's on TV.