The Long Distance Dissonance


 * Sheldon: Knock knock knock* Amy *knock knock knock* Amy *knock knock knock* Amy. (She opens her door, and is shocked at seeing him on one knee, holding his Meemaw's ring out to her in its box) Will you marry me?


 * Amy: I was offered a summer research fellowship at Princeton.
 * Sheldon: A fine institution. The place where Albert Einstein taught, and where Leonard got his PhD, so it may have gone downhill.


 * Amy: I gave you one job! Keep an eye on him. How hard is that?


 * Amy: Why didn't you tell me?
 * Bernadette: We didn't want you to worry.
 * Amy: Should I worry?
 * Penny: No, come on, it's Sheldon. Nothing is gonna happen.
 * Amy: That's what you said to me when I started dating him. And then five years later, bingo-bango, something happened.


 * Amy: I've been smacking that ketchup bottle for a long time. All she has to do is tip it over and point it at her fries.


 * Penny: Do you think living with Amy has somehow stirred up Sheldon's sexual appetite?
 * Bernadette: (grimacing with disgust) Ugh. How can you think that? Why would you even put those words together?


 * Leonard: Uh, so, Ramona, tell us about yourself. Do you, do you have a boyfriend?
 * Sheldon: Leonard, your wife is sitting right here. What are you doing?


 * Sheldon: I'm sorry you had to go through that.
 * Amy: In fact, that's when I started to really miss you.
 * Sheldon: You know you just split an infinitive.


 * Sheldon: So, tell me about your scalar dark energy experiment.
 * Ramona Nowitzki: Not 'til you tell me about your latest paper on quantum loop theory.
 * Sheldon: Oh. You must be one of those dessert before dinner people.


 * Amy: Did I? Are you gonna teach me a lesson?
 * Sheldon: I am. It is naughty to put an adverb between the word "to" and the verb stem.
 * Amy: What are you gonna do about it?
 * Sheldon: I'm going to admonish you.
 * Amy: Vigorously?
 * Sheldon: That's the only kind of admonishing I do.


 * Sheldon: I've learned some fun facts about New Jersey to help you make small talk. Would you like to know the state bird or the murder rate? They're both shocking.
 * Amy: Actually, I want to hear about you. How are things at home?
 * Sheldon: Well, I'm a lot less likely to see an Eastern Goldfinch or be murdered, I'll tell you that.Leonard: Wait, isn't she the grad student that used to follow him around?
 * Howard: Oh, yeah. Back before he hit puberty and grew man parts.


 * Penny: All right, then we agree. He's not making any moves, it's this Dr. Ramona chick.
 * Bernadette: Nowitzki. I Googled her, she's pretty cute.
 * Penny: Really? All I got from Leonard was the Toblerone bar had nuts.


 * Raj: Dr. Nowitzki. Good to see you.
 * Ramona Nowitzki: Good to see you, too.
 * Raj: May I join you?
 * Ramona Nowitzki: No.
 * Raj: Good to see you.


 * Sheldon: She's always been a huge fan of my work, and now she's doing research at Caltech.
 * Amy: Huge fan, you say?
 * Sheldon: Yes. I think you'd like her. She's extremely intelligent, just like you. Unlike you, she's tall, blonde and used to be an Olympic swimmer.


 * Sheldon: That may be true, but Dr. Nowitzki's just a friend. In fact, I wouldn't have even noticed she's a woman if she hadn't worn that bathing suit that highlighted her bosom.


 * Penny: Okay, I know you don't have a lot of experience with women, but Ramona seems to have a romantic interest in you.
 * Sheldon: That doesn't make any sense. She knows I have a girlfriend.
 * Penny: Well, sometimes women don't care. Sometimes it makes them want a guy even more.
 * Sheldon: That may be true, but Dr. Nowitzki's just a friend. In fact, I wouldn't have even noticed she's a woman if she hadn't worn that bathing suit that highlighted her bosom.
 * Penny: Okay. Um (clears throat) Let's try this. Think of yourself as one of those limited edition toys people like to collect.
 * Sheldon: I already do.
 * Penny: Well, then you get it.
 * Sheldon: (gasps) Because there's only one of me, I'm more valuable.
 * Penny: Right.
 * Sheldon: Although, Amy's already taken me out of my package and played with me.
 * Penny: Let's forget the toy thing,okay? Um, maybe...
 * Sheldon:I Penny, look. I appreciate your concern, but I don't think that's what's happening.
 * Penny: All right. What do you think is happening?
 * Sheldon:I think Dr. Nowitzki is a friendly colleague. I think you and Leonard need to see a marriage counselor. And I need to update my resume to include swimming as a special skill.
 * Penny: (Looking and the Penny and Amy portrait.) Don't look at me like that, I tried.