The Secret Box

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "The Secret Box" from season two, which aired on September 7, 2001.

Plot
SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick, Oh Patrick!

SpongeBob: Are you ready to go jellyfishing?

(Patrick comes out of his box with a box.)

Patrick: Oh, boy am I!

SpongeBob: Here's your net. Well come on, Patrick! The jellyfish don't catch themselves.

Patrick: First I have to put away my secret box.

SpongeBob: Secret box? You never told me about secret box!

(SpongeBob tries to peek in the box, but Patrick pulls it away.)

Patrick: Hey, hands off, PeepingBob! This my secret box! Besides, if I'd show you what's inside that won't be a secret anymore. Duh!

Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob... If only you could see what's inside my secret box, it would change your life!

SpongeBob: It's okay Patrick, I know all about secrets.

Patrick: You do?

SpongeBob: I've got a bazillion secrets!

Patrick: Like what?

SpongeBob: Well, it's not a secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets. Secretly...

SpongeBob: You wanna hear some of my secrets?

Patrick: Oh, do I!

SpongeBob: Um... Let's see now... Did you know that... You're my best friend?

Patrick: No. Way. Oh, let's hear another one!

SpongeBob: Okay. um.. secretly I'm a little bit naive.

Patrick: WOW! I'll never look at you the same way again, SpongeBob. Gosh. (SpongeBob taps on Patrick's box.) Tell me some more secrets!

SpongeBob: Okay. I love my job at the Krusty Krab, I sleep with my shoes on, I like Jelly on both sides of my toast, I have an overdue library book, I think jellyfishing and bubble-blowing are...

SpongeBob: ...I have a deep overbite, I've never been late for work, i said i'm on the the fancy conversation, I like to dancing to loading zone announcements, but I still don't have my driving license. I'm a little bit on the short side. And I'm wearing three pairs of underwear right now.

Patrick: Gosh. I would never have guessed.

SpongeBob: Now will you show me what's inside your secret box?

Patrick: No way, SpongeBob! It's for me to know and for you to never find out. You may be an open book SpongeBob, but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner macanations of my mind are an enigma.

(Patrick thinks of a carton of milk spilling itself.)

SpongeBob: Oh, yeah!?! Well, I got plenny a secrets stuffs too. Erm… I've got my secret socks on, and my secret Gary's bowl!

SpongeBob: My secret TV! And my secret TV channel.

SpongeBob: What do you say now, Patrick?

Patrick: Maybe if you saw what's inside you'd know why it has to be secret. Inside this box is the most secretly secret of all of secretdom and I am its sole witness! It's a heavy burden, SpongeBob, but nobody must know the secret of my box. Nobody! Not even... Squidward's house.(scene zooms out to show Squidward's Tiki Head looking down at SpongeBob and Patrick.)

Patrick: It's a full-time job. I'm constantly on the alert. You'll never know when someone's gonna ... Huh!?!

Patrick: SpongeBob! What do you think you're doing!?! That's my secret box! Now, hand it over!

SpongeBob: But, Patrick, I must know the secret!

Patrick: For the last time, SpongeBob, no!

SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick, just a peep?

Patrick: Never!(SpongeBob's arms pop off.)

Patrick: So, it's come to this. And to think that we joined the Best Friends Forever Club!

Patrick: Listen up, SpongeBob SecretStealerPants! If you ever come close to my secret box again, we won't be friends anymore!

SpongeBob: But we're suppose to be friends forever(We flashback to SpongeBob and Patrick as babies in a crib laughing, then we see them as kids riding on a bike, then as older men on rocking chairs, then we see a shot of two gravestones, we hear SpongeBob and Patrick laughing deadly)

SpongeBob: I feel so filthy! I've soiled our friendship garden. I just couldn't help myself! I know that it's your secret and I respect that! Please forgive me, Patrick, please.

Patrick: Well, I guess it's not all your falt. After all, it's one great secret. I mean how can you resist the greatness of secret box. The most amazing, mysterious, powerful secret in all Bikini Bottom.

SpongeBob: So what do you say, buddy? Friends? Patrick: Friends.

SpongeBob: What can be in that box that Patrick doesn't want me to see? Maybe it's the world's only albino jellyfish! Or maybe Patrick is a master jewel theif and it's full of diamonds. Maybe Patrick's a deranged maniac who keeps his victim's severed heads in the box. Or even worse! Maybe it's the embarrassing snap shot of me in the Christmas party. ahhh!!

SpongeBob: I've gotta know what's inside that box if it's the last thing I do!

SpongeBob: That's it! How do you look in a secret box? Secretly, of course! I'll just take the box while Patrick is sleeping, look in that box and give it back before Patrick wakes up. Patrick will never notice and I'll have my own secret too. Good idea, hey, Gary?

Gary: Hmm... No.

SpongeBob: Oh what do you know, you're a snail!

SpongeBob: (SpongeBob is thinking) I don't want to wake up Patrick so I better be quiet.

Patrick: Who's there?

Patrick: Good ol' secret box. Let's see what's inside(pulls out SpongeBob's tounge)!

Patrick: Nighty night, buddy.

SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick is sure a heavy sleeper.

Patrick: Huh? Who said that who's there!?!

SpongeBob: Hmmm...

Patrick: It's the ClamBurglar! And he's stealing my secret box! Hand over the goods, BoxBandit, and prepare for your most unpleasant pillow fight of your life!

SpongeBob: Wait, wait, wait, Patrick! It's me, SpongeBob.

Patrick: Nice try, burglar, but SpongeBob is my best friend, and he would never steal from me.

SpongeBob: No, really, Patrick, look!

SpongeBob and Patrick Friend Ship Ring: It's the Best Friends Forever, Best Friends Forever Ring!

Patrick: Our friendship ring! It is you!

Patrick: How could you do this!?!

SpongeBob: If it makes you feel better, I haven't looked inside.

Patrick: That's it, SpongeBob! You've crossed the line. This friendship is now over!!!

SpongeBob: Really?

Patrick: Nahhh!, you can look inside it if you really want to.

SpongeBob: Ok! Oh, this is one the most exciting moments of my life! Well, here it goes!

SpongeBob: Huh?

Patrick: Well, didn't I tell ya isn't it great?

SpongeBob: It's just a string.

Patrick: A secret string!

SpongeBob: Boy, Patrick when you’re right, you’re right! That's a strong secret you've got there! Yeah! Thanks for showing me that! Well, good night Patrick. See you tomorrow!

Patrick: Good night, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: I should've known it was just a string all along! Wait 'till I tell Gary!

Patrick: Good thing he didn't pull my secret string, opening my secret compartment of my secret box, revealing one embarrassing snapshot of SpongeBob at the Christmas Party!

Patrick: Merry Christmas, SpongeBob! hahaha!