Unpause


 * [Robin and Ted interrogate a truth-serum-drunk Barney over his real job and when Barney explains everything...]
 * Barney: Well, as you know, back in my hippie days, a business man came into my coffee shop, told me money was all that mattered, and stole my girlfriend. That's when I decided to become awesome. But I had no idea how to break into the corporate world. So, hoping he wouldn't recognize me, I went to the one person from whom I knew I could learn everything.
 * Greg: Do we know each other, bro?
 * Barney: We're all connected in Gaia's great tapestry of... (clears throat) No. We don't. Bro.
 * Greg: Wow, you went to M.I.T. Pretty impressive.
 * Barney: I did get a perfect score on the A.C.T.'s. Advanced Card Tricks.
 * Greg: Well, look, buddy. You got a sweet résumé. But we don't have any openings you're qualified for.
 * Arrested Employee: They set me up! It was a trap! It's a trap!
 * Greg: We have one opening you'd be perfect for.
 * Barney: Great. What do I do?
 * Greg: Please. "Provide Legal Exculpation And Sign Everything." Just show up every day, scribble your name on a bunch of documents, and we'll pay you 16 craploads a year. Deets are in the contract. I'll give you time to think about it.
 * Barney: I'll take it.
 * Greg: Hold on. Did you even read this before signing it?
 * Barney: No.
 * Greg: [laughs] You're hired. We'll work on that.
 * Ted: Wait, that's your job? You sign sketchy legally-binding documents that could implicate you for god-knows-what?
 * Barney: Best job ever, right?


 * [Lily and Marshall finally hit Unpause over Italy and Marshall's judgeship but Marshall tries to Pause]
 * Lily: No Pause, that hobby is my dream. We're going to Italy.
 * Marshall: But it's my dream-
 * Lily: We are going to Italy!!
 * Marshall: Baby, could you just-
 * Lily: We are going to Italy!! Don't you get it? You went behind my back. You hurt me!! You were more selfish than I've ever been to you!
 * Marshall: [edgier voice] You broke up with me and moved to San Francisco.
 * Lily: Why are you bringing up San Francisco? That was seven years ago!
 * Marshall: Because you are being selfish all over again.
 * Lily: Marshall, I apologized over and over again. Now you're saying you've never forgiven me? There is nothing more important to me than our family, you know that!
 * Marshall: Well let me ask, what if you had found success in San Francisco? How do I know that you even would've come back to me?
 * Lily: Stop it..
 * Marshall: Are Marvin, and I, and any other future children we may have.... just some consolation prize?
 * Lily: [teary-eyed] I have to get out of here. [storms out of room]