Laser Light Cannon

Open Ext. Beach Citywalk Fries]

(Steven and Amethyst run toward the counter of Beach Citywalk Fries.)

Steven: Hey, Fryman, give me the bits!

Mr. Fryman: *flips sign* Steven! We’re closed.

Steven: *disappointed* Aww, what?

Amethyst: *hits counter* Give 'em the bits! *chants while continuously hitting the counter* The bits, the bits... (Steven joins in.)

Steven & Amethyst: *both chanting* The BITS! The BITS! The BITS! *banging on counter*

Mr. Fryman: Okay, okay! Take it easy on the counter, will ya? *goes to cook fry bits*

Steven & Amethyst: Yes! *high-five each other*

Mr. Fryman: *hands Steven a bag of fry bits* I can give you actual fries if you want.

Steven: Just the bits, please. *takes bag* Thanks. *walking away while Amethyst picks a handful of bits* Ah, sunset, my favorite time of day. When the sun goes down, and the second sun gets bigger and bigger in the sky.

Amethyst: *bursts out laughing* Yeah, that big hot second su— *gasps, notices the Red Eye* Oh no, what is that doing here?

Steven: What is it? (Amethyst picks him up and runs while Steven drops his bits.) Ah, my bits!

[Trans. beach near Crystal Temple]

Garnet: This is bad.

Pearl: *peering through telescope* Look at the size of it, I had no idea these things were so big!

Amethyst: *running towards them carrying Steven* Garnet! Pearl!

Pearl: We saw. Some of us are trying to protect humanity. *angry* Where were you?

Amethyst: *puts Steven down* ... Eating fry bits. (Pearl sighs.)

Steven: Oh, can I see? *peers* Woah. It's a giant eyeball! Awesome!

Pearl: *angrily* NOT awesome! It's a Red Eye!

Steven: A Red Eye?! It’s going to infect us all!

Garnet: That’s pink eye, Steven. (Amethyst laughs.)

Pearl: It’s going to crash into Beach City and crush us, along with a bunch of oblivious, innocent people! We have to stop it.

Steven: What are we going to do?

Garnet: *adjusts visor* The only thing powerful enough to destroy it is a Light Cannon that belonged to Rose Quartz.

Steven: My mom?

Amethyst: *mourns angrily* If Rose were here, this would be so easy.

Pearl: I know, but she’s not, and the cannon is missing. We’ll have to find another solution.

Steven: If it belonged to my mom, I bet my dad knows where it is. He can help us save the day! *silence* Huh? Eah?!

Pearl: *sugarcoats her opinion of Greg* Greg is... nice, Steven, but I doubt Rose would entrust someone like him with such a powerful weapon.

Amethyst: Your dad is kind of a mess, Steven. *puts hand on Steven's shoulder*

Pearl: AMETHYST!

Amethyst: I’m just sayin’, even if she did leave it with him, he probably broke it, or lost it, or dropped it in the ocean by now.

Garnet: True.

Steven: No way, I’m sure he’s just keeping it somewhere safe. I’ll go ask him.

Garnet: We can handle this, Steven. *to Amethyst* Ready?

(Garnet picks up Amethyst and tosses her at the Red Eye, to no effect, making Amethyst fall into the ocean.)

Steven: Ugh, I’m gonna go.

Pearl: *half-heartedly* ... Okay, good luck.

[Ext. It's A Wash]

Steven: *bangs on van doors* Dad, it’s me! Dad, are you in there? Wake up! We have to save... the— WORLD! *climbs on van* Dad! *trips and sets off car alarm* *smiles*

Greg: *bursts out with a waffle iron* Who’s there? I have a waffle iron!

Steven: *on top of the van* Dad, it’s me!

Greg: *looks up* Steven? (Steven jumps down and hugs his dad.) I almost waffled your face! What are you doing up so late?

Steven: What do you mean? The sun just went down an hour ago.

Greg: *blushes* Oh, heh. It was a... slow day at the car wash. Anyway, what’s up? Just needed to see your old man, pal around, learn some lessons about life?

Steven: *blushes* No! I need the light cannon that belonged to Mom, to blow up that eyeball! *points to the Red Eye*

Greg: Eyeball?

Steven: *points* That!

Amethyst: (Amethyst is seen flying towards the Red Eye, but falls back into the ocean.) Raaaah!!!

Greg: Wait, is that a magical thing? The Gems told me not to get involved with magic stuff. It... it could be dangerous or interfere with what’s left of my hair. *rubs hair*

Steven: But they need Mom’s cannon. You've gotta know where it is, like a cave dungeon or a cloud fortress, or in a clam at the bottom of the ocean!

Greg: Well, I don’t know about all that. But I have an idea where it might be.

[Ext. U-Stor]

Steven: A magical storage unit! *rushes to U-Stor*

Greg: Ha, not exactly. But some would say there’s magic inside. *winks as Steven who looks at him cluelessly* It’s just a shed I use to keep things that don’t fit in the van. If it’s anywhere, it’ll be in here.

(He opens the door and reveals a shed filled to the brim with boxes and clutter.)

Steven: If I’m going in there, I’m gonna need some gear. *ties a flashlight to his head with sock and electric cord wrapped around waist* Here I go.

Greg: Good luck!

Steven: *crawls into shed* Woah, cool! It’s like a dad museum. *goes deeper* There it is! *pulls down golf clubs* Do you golf?

Greg: Eh, I’d like to think of myself as someone who would golf... eventually.

Steven: *notices cannon shaped object* Hmm, yes! ... A drum. *rummaging* No, no... *gasp* Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Is this— *shoots T-Shirt Cannon* “Buy T-shirt Cannons”? *notices box full of CDs* Hey, there’s a bunch of copies of your old CD! *gets one and stores it in his pocket*

Greg: Huh. Oh, man, I couldn’t give those things away. You know, before I ran the car wash, when I was a one-man band, I traveled the whole country.

Steven: *chuckle* I know, Dad.

Greg: When I came to play a concert here in Beach City, no one showed up except—

Steven: An ALLIGATOR!

Greg: No, it was your mother.

Steven: *goes deeper* Hahaha, I know.

Greg: And we were always together after that. Until she gave up her physical form to bring you into the world. I don’t know what a magic lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me.

Steven: *breaks photo frame of Greg and Rose, gasps* Uh, Dad, I broke a photo.

Greg: It’s okay buddy. If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs. *cannon begins to glow*

Steven: *notices glow* Huh? *gasps* The light cannon!

Greg: *looking at Red Eye* Oh boy, that thing’s giving me the willies. *rubs stomach*

Steven: Dad, I found it!

Greg: Really?

Steven: *tying cord around cannon* Get the van! (Greg pulls it out.) This thing could save the city, we've gotta get it to the beach!

Greg: How? It’s too big for the van. *wagon rolls by* Easy does it. *puts cannon on wagon*

[Int. Greg's Van]

(Steven and Greg are driving to the beach.)

Steven: Is it gonna be okay?

Greg: *shrugs* If every pork chop were perfect—

Steven: *chimes in* We wouldn’t have hot dogs!

Greg: *watches enlarged Red Eye* That thing’s getting huge, it's freaking me out.

Steven: Can’t the van go any faster?

Greg: This is faster.

Steven: Don’t worry. Come on, let’s put on your CD.

Greg: *embarrassed* What? Really? Come on, you’ve heard it.

Steven: *chuckling* You come on. *inserts disc*

Steven: *singing along with "Let Me Drive My Van (into Your Heart)"* Let me drive my van into your heart! *song continues to play in the background*

[Beach]

Amethyst: *washes up back on shore* Throw me again, I think I’m cracking it. *notices Steven* Is that... ?

Steven: Hey, guys!

Pearl: *gasps* He really had it!

Amethyst: *jumping in front of Garnet and Pearl* We’re SAVED!!!

(Red Eye’s gravity begins to pull everything towards it, causing rumbling and destruction.)

[Trans. Ext. Beach Citywalk Fries]

(Fryman is observing the destruction affecting his restaurant.)

Fryman: Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy! (A sign rips off of the building.)

[Trans. Beach]

Garnet: We have to use it now.

Pearl: I don’t know how it works, it was Rose’s!

Steven: Dad, how do we use it? (Greg shrugs.)

Pearl: Steven, this is serious. *realizes* The gem. You have Rose’s gem.

Amethyst: That’s it! *lifts Steven and rubs him against the cannon* Ah, come on!

Garnet: Stop that.

Pearl: It’s no use.

Amethyst: Fine, forget it. Throw me again.

Pearl: That’s not going to work.

(The gravitational pull intensifies and pulls the van and cannon.)

Greg: *unhooks cord from cannon* I got this. *gets pulled* Ugh, wait, nope, maybe I don’t! *tries to stop van*

Steven: *to cannon* Please work, unlock, activate, go, please! Everyone’s counting on you, you can’t just be useless! I know you can help.

Greg: It’s okay, Steven. We’ll figure out something else, something even better.

Steven: R-r-r-right, if every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs. *cannon begins to activate*

Pearl: It’s working!

(The cannon unlocks and falls. There is a collective gasp. Steven attempts to lift it and the Gems soon help.)

Pearl: Steven!

Amethyst: This is it!

Garnet: BRACE YOURSELVES!!!

(The cannon shoots a rose shaped blast that destroys the Red Eye, causing it to explode and shrapnel to fall, destroying parts of the city boardwalk.)

Amethyst: Steven, you just saved most of Beach City!

Steven: *to Fryman* Sorry about that!

Fryman: What?

Pearl: How did you get it to work?

Steven: I just said that thing that Dad always says.

Pearl: That thing about pork rinds?

Garnet: Hot dogs.

Greg: *tears up* Rose...

(The tide suddenly comes in and washes the van towards the beach but is still surrounded by water. There is collective laughter.)

Greg: My van!

Steven: It’s okay, Dad, if every pork chop were perfect—

Greg: I LIVE in there! *rushes towards van*

Steven: Wait up! *goes towards van*

Greg: Oh geez, wait, wait, wait!

[END]