Guy's Night

(Episode opens with Mordecai mowing the lawn, Muscle Man digging a hole for a box and Hi Five Ghost washing a window. Mordecai checks the time on his watch. It is 6:00, meaning it's--)

Mordecai: Guys' night!

(The song "Party All The Time" by Eddie Murphy plays in the background while Muscle Man checks the exact same time on his radio, and realizes it's--)

Muscle Man: Guys' night!

(Rigby. who is cleaning the toilet, checks the exact same on his watch, and also knows it's--)

Rigby: Guys' night!

Hi Five Ghost: Guys' night!

(Hi Five Ghost, who can see the time on the clock in the computer room, now knows it's--)

Mordecai: (hopping off the lawnmower) Guys' night!

Rigby: (flushing the toilet) Guys' night! (goes out of the park bathrooms)

(Muscle Man whoops away from the hole)

Hi Five Ghost: (throwing his stuff in celebration) Whoo-hoo! (flies off)

(Benson and Skips are walking off.)

Mordecai: Benson, guys' night!

Rigby: Guys' night, Benson!

Benson: Has a month passed already? (Skips nods in confirmation) All right, don’t get too crazy.

Mordecai: Oh, you don’t have to worry about us.

(cut to Pops's house hallways)

Mordecai and Rigby: Guys' night!

? Muscle Man and High Five Ghost:? Guys' night!

(The guys put a bunch of snacks and drinks on the kitchen table.)

? All:? Chips, chips, chips, chips!

(They scarf down the potato chips and throw away the bag.)

? Mordecai:? (holding a chip and a flat can of salsa) You gotta scoop it. (eats) Scoop it. (eats)

? All:? Soda, soda, soda, soda!

(Muscle Man pours two full bottles of soda into one cup, drinks it, and whoops. Cut to the guys staring at a magazine)

Rigby:? Oh, yeah!

Muscle Man: She looks good!

Hi Five Ghost: I think I’m in love!

Mordecai: Uh, yeah, I’d parallel-park that.

(They laugh as they hear the doorbell ring. They run to the door)

All: (chanting) Za! Za! Za! Za! Za! Za! (answer the door) Pizza!

Pizza Guy: (chuckles) Guys' night?

All: GUYS' NIGHT! (They laugh)

Muscle Man: OH!

Hi Five Ghost: OH!

Rigby: OH!

Mordecai: OH!

All: OH! (They laugh)

Rigby: Yeah, get it!

(More laughter)

Hi Five Ghost: Movie time!

All: Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie!

Pops: Oh, well, look at this. What are you all up to?

All: Guys' Night!

Muscle Man: Hey, Thomas, go get us more chips at the store. (Muscle Man throws keys at Thomas)

Thomas: (Picks up keys and sighs) Fine.

Pops: Uh, well, why didn’t I receive an invitation to guys' night?

Mordecai: Well, we just didn’t think you’d like any of the stuff we’re doing.

Rigby: Yeah, you're not really a guy's guy. You're Pops.

Pops: Well, I can be one of the guys, too. Chanting! Chanting! Chanting!

Mordecai: I don’t know, Pops. It’s gonna take something tougher than chanting to be one of the guys.

Pops: Well, what’s the toughest thing one of the guys can do on Guys' Night?

All: Milk challenge.

Pops: Ooh, what’s that?!

Mordecai: You have to drink a gallon of milk in an hour.

Rigby: Without getting sick.

Muscle Man: Toughest thing a guy can do.

High Five Ghost: Never seen a guy pull it off, though.

Pops: Sounds perfect!

All: What?!

Pops: I’ll beat that Milk Challenge, and then you’ll see who's one of the guys.

(Cut to everyone going into the kitchen.)

Hi Five Ghost: MILK! [repeats in background]

Mordecai: Pops, wait, are you sure you want to do this?

Rigby: The milk challenge is brutal.

Pops: But you and Rigby ate that giant omelet for a trucker's cap.

Mordecai: Yeah, but --

Pops: Muscle Man defeated the Wing Kingdom Wing Challenge. Even Hi Five Ghost drank a tub of creamed corn for that radio contest.

Hi Five Ghost: Best free tote bag ever! (He and Muscle Man high-five.)

Pops: Surely I can handle a gallon of milk.

Rigby: Uh...

Mordecai: I don’t know, Pops.

Muscle Man: Chillax, bros. Pops is right. We’ve all had our challenges. It was hard, but we didn’t give up. That’s what made us guys. If Pops thinks he can handle it, we should let him try.

Mordecai: I guess.

Rigby: Okay.

Pops: HOORAY!

Pops, Hi Five Ghost and Muscle Man: MILK! MILK! MILK! MILK! MILK! MILK!

Muscle Man: All right, Pops, you have one hour. When you're done, you've got to hold the jug over your head, or it doesn’t count, got it?

Pops: Hmm.

Hi Five Ghost: GO!

(Pops begins to chug down the milk)

Mordecai: He’s really doing it!

All: POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS!

(They continue to chant his name until Pops stops and drops the milk. He's ready to puke and runs to the bathroom.)

Muscle Man: Oh, no, bro!

(cut to Mordecai and Rigby waiting for Pops.)

Mordecai: Pops, are you okay?

(Pops flushes the toilet.)

Pops: (moaning) Did I finish?

Rigby: You didn’t even make it halfway.

Mordecai: Don’t feel bad, Pops. No one can drink that much milk.

Rigby: Yeah, we’ll just hang out some other night.

Pops: Or we could hang out as fellow guys when I complete the milk challenge!

Rigby: You're gonna try again?

Pops: Of course. A guy never quits, right? (laughs)

All: POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS!

(Pops spits.)

All: POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS!

(Pops spits again.)

All: POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS!

(The timer dings. Pops moans and goes to the toilet again.)

All: Oh!

(Pops sighs.)

Rigby: Oh, man, Pops, do you need to see a doctor?

Pops: No. No.

Mordecai: Look, Pops, you gave it your all. It’s an impossible task. You don’t need to complete the challenge. It’s fine. You can still be one of the guys, right, guys?

Muscle Man: Oh yeah, for sure.

Rigby: Totally, Pops.

Hi Five Ghost: Of course.

Pops: I don’t want your charity! I want to earn being one of the guys the right way.(moans) I just need to lie down for a little while.

Rigby: But, Pops, you’ve already drank like 6 gallons of milk in total.

Pops: But none in one hour. Maybe they’re right. maybe I’m not meant to be one of the guys. NO! Ahem.

Mordecai: Oh hey Pops. How are you feeling?

Pops: I’m feeling like some milk, please.

Mordecai: Last gallon. Pops, you sure you want to do this?

(The timer starts ticking again. Pops gulps down the milk... and gulps some more... until he finishes the whole gallon before the hour is up. He sighs, then burps. Everyone cheers.)

Mordecai: Yeah, you did it, Pops!

Rigby: Yeah, Pops, you actually pulled it off!

Muscle Man: I can’t believe it, bro!

Rigby: Wait, you got to raise the jug over your head, Pops!

All: Raise the jug! Raise the jug! Raise the jug! Raise the jug! Raise... Pops?! POPS!

Mordecai: Pops, can you hear me?!

Muscle Man: Oh, man, is he all right?!

Rigby: He’s not all right! He's all white!

Mordecai: Quiet! Pops?! Pops?!

Pops: What is this place? No thank you. Excuse me.

Tough Guy: You lost or something?

Pops: No. I mean, yes. I --

Tough Guy: Ah, just yanking your chain! We know why you’re here. Milk challenge, right?

Pops: How did you know?!

Tough Guy: That’s why we're all here. Name's Russell. Oh, thanks, man.

Pops: I’m Pops. Who are they?

Russell: I don’t know. They’re just here to keep the milk flowing. This is paradise, Pops! Oh, congrats. You're one of the guys now.

All: Pops! Pops! Pops! Pops!

Rigby: POPS?! POPS?! Oh, man, he’s still not waking up!

Mordecai: We need to call for help!

Muscle Man: 911! 911! 911!

Mordecai: Dude, not cool.

Muscle Man: 9... 1-- Whatever. It’s still guys' night.

All: Pops! Pops! Pops! Pops!

Russell: Hey, take a load off, man. You earned it.

Pops: But I didn’t earn it. I haven’t completed the challenge yet.

Russell: What do you mean?

Pops: I never lifted the jug over my head.

Russell: Well, you're one of the guys now. You must have.

Pops: I’m quite certain I didn’t. I only have a few minutes left.

Russell: That’s impossible! We all beat the challenge! That’s why we're here!

Other Guy 1: Actually, I didn’t lift the jug either.

Other Guy 2: I don’t think I did.

Other Guy 3: Yeah, I didn’t.

Other Guy 4: Were we supposed to?

Russell: No, that's-- wait, did I? Huh. I can’t remember. I don’t want any more milk! What’s going on? We're here because we beat it, right? ANSWER ME!

Pops: Something’s wrong. We should go to the elevator.

Russell: No way. We're gonna stay and fight. Am I right, guys? EVERYBODY, FOLLOW POPS!

Pops: COME ON!

Russell: Oh man, thanks Pops, we wouldn’t have gotten out of there without you.

Other Guy: Do you still think there’s enough time to complete the challenge?

Pops: I don’t know, but we made it this far and a guy never quits.

Russell: You're right. Thanks, Pops. No matter where we end up, we’ll be lifting a jug in your honor.

(Pops finally comes to and opens his eyes.)

Rigby: He’s awake! Give him some room!

Pops: I’m back!

(Pops accidentally punches Rigby, then gets up and raises the jug over his head. The timer dings. Everybody cheers.)

All: POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS! POPS!

Paramedic: Somebody call the paramedics?! Where’s the body?!

Pops: No body here, just us guys.

Paramedic: Guys' Night?

All: GUYS' NIGHT!

(laughter)

Pops: (laughs) I’m finally one of the guys!

Mordecai: (laughs) Yeah!

(A camera shutter clicks. We zoom out to see a picture of Pops and Mordecai together placed in Pops' scrapbook. Pops, in his bed, closes the scrapbook and laughs.)

[Guy's Night ends]