Mind the Gap


 * [The episode begins at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is flipping patties on the grill while whistling through his gap teeth. Squidward covers his ears as he finds SpongeBob's whistling deeply annoying. SpongeBob throws a tray full of food on Squidward.]
 * SpongeBob: Squidward, order up!
 * Squidward: [grabs SpongeBob's mouth] SpongeBob! Don't you know how to keep quiet?!
 * SpongeBob: I don't know, but hum a few bars, and maybe I can fake it. [laughs]
 * Squidward: [groans angrily and lets go of SpongeBob as he slowly calms down and comes up with an idea] Sorry for getting angry with you, SpongeBob. I'm just very concerned about your health, that's all.
 * SpongeBob: Oh, that's okay, Squidward. [hops into Squidward's arms] You know, just the other day, I—what, my health?!
 * Squidward: Yeah, it's probably nothing. [sets SpongeBob down] Forget I brought it up.
 * SpongeBob: What about my health, Squidward? [clings on Squidward's head and spins him around] What do you know? What's my body been saying behind my back?
 * Squidward: [puts SpongeBob down and his head spins back] Well, if you really want to know, it's the gap between your teeth.
 * SpongeBob: My gap? [looks himself in the mirror] I have a gap? What's wrong with my gap? [sneaks up behind a customer] Gap!
 * Squidward: [grabs SpongeBob] A gap that big between your teeth can be extremely dangerous. You can get something caught in it. [jams a cork between SpongeBob's teeth] It obstructs your airway, and now, you can't breath.
 * SpongeBob: [wheezes] I can't breathe. I can't breathe! Call a doctor!
 * Squidward: [removes cork from SpongeBob's teeth] No need to call a doctor, SpongeBob. I will be your dentist. [pushes SpongeBob back into the kitchen]
 * SpongeBob: You will?
 * Squidward: [sets SpongeBob on a chair, opens his mouth and looks at the gap] Guess I gotta use good old-fashioned tentacle grease. [puts on gloves and attempts to close the gap, but fails as it pushes him back; takes a drill and drills the gap together] All better. That should seal up that drafty gap. [quietly] And kill the whistling. [laughs as he walks out]
 * SpongeBob: [starts talking in a deeper voice] Well, thank you, Dr. Squidward! [pauses for a bit] Say, without a gap, my voice sounds almost...cool. [taps his neck] Testing, testing, one, two, three. You know, with this voice, I don't need whistling. [spins] Oh, I've got to sing! [snaps his fingers and starts to sing while flipping patties] Flip, flip, flip, flip! [sings in jazzy scats]
 * [Outside, Squidward is sleeping. As SpongeBob continues to sing, musical notes wakes Squidward up.]
 * Squidward: Oh, where is that heavenly voice coming from? [the musical notes pick him up and turn him around] I must—huh?! [sees SpongeBob singing thanks to the closed gap] Oh, blowfish! Does he have to ruin everything for me?! [groans]
 * [SpongeBob's singing catches the customers' attention.]
 * Abigail: What a dreamy voice!
 * Harold: Wow, it really swings.
 * [The musical notes pick them up and carry them to the kitchen. They sing SpongeBob flipping patties and singing with a cool voice.]
 * Nat Peterson: Hey, everybody, look. SpongeBob is cool now!
 * [The customers are in awe at SpongeBob's new talent. Squidward comes up with another idea.]
 * Squidward: [smiles evilly] Hmm, maybe I can use SpongeBob to get in with all those cool people at the jazz club. Yeah! [slithers himself out of the register boat and enters the kitchen]
 * SpongeBob: [sings] Yeah.
 * Squidward: Hey, SpongeBob. [burns his hand on the grill] Owie, owie, owie, owie! Um, how would you like to accompany me to my favorite jazz club tonight?
 * SpongeBob: Oh, boy, would I? That sounds so cool. [gently punches Squidward's burnt hand]
 * Customers: Aw!
 * [The scene changes to the Blow Your Top Lounge at nighttime. Squidward enters the place through the doors. One the stage, a drummer is playing the bongos in front of a live audience at the club. He stops playing and the audience snap their fingers as an applause.]
 * Cool Patron #1: Oh, man, that beat is so pure, it hurts.
 * Squidward: Ah, my people! [enters the lounge] Hey, hipsters. It's groovy, cats. I can dig it.
 * Cool Patrons: Lame.
 * Squidward: Hm, turn away from me, huh? We'll just see. [checks his watch] Oh, it's past 8:00. Where is SpongeBob?
 * [Just then, SpongeBob bursts through the door, now in a cool tuxedo, awesome shades, and a wicked hairdo. A cold breeze freezes the patrons inside as they gasp in awe at SpongeBob.]
 * SpongeBob: Hey, cool crowd. What's shaking? Oh, yeah. [enters the lounge] Hey, hipsters. It's groovy, cats. Oh, I can dig it.
 * [One patron squeals happily and melts. SpongeBob slides across the floor just as the lounge's Maître D' shows up.]
 * Maître D': Oh, welcome, man. You're the coolest customer we've ever had.
 * SpongeBob: Oh, crazy, Daddy. Crazy. [pinches his cheek]
 * Maître D': Can I seat you at the coolest table? [points to the coolest table with all the cool people in it]
 * SpongeBob: No, thank you. I'm here to meet up with a real cool cat. Oh, there he his. Hey, Squideroonie!
 * [Squidward struggles to get his foot out of the chair, but falls over.]
 * Maître D': [deeply shocked] You're with him?
 * Squidward: [crawls over to SpongeBob] Yes, you're with me. And he is my—best...[twitches his eye and struggles to say "friend"] friend...
 * SpongeBob: You heard the man, folks. He's my best friend. Can you dig it? [snaps his fingers]
 * Maître D': [confused] Huh?
 * [Everyone snaps their fingers.]
 * Maître D': I guess he's...cool? [sees Squidward's ugly-looking face]
 * Cool Patron #2: I don't know, man. [sniffs Squidward's armpit] Something smells lame.
 * Squidward: [kicks the cool patron away] Hey, CoolBob, why don't you sing everybody one of your singing cool tunes?
 * SpongeBob: Oh, no, Daddio. I really couldn't.
 * [Everyone snaps their fingers. Squidward takes SpongeBob to the stage, pushes the drummer aside, and gives him a microphone.]
 * SpongeBob: Well, okay, maybe just one ditty. [tips his hairdo] Then I'll get out your hair.
 * Squidward: And I will accompany you on my licorice stick. [slips on the stage with his clarinet and talks quietly] Just as I planned. [laughs evilly]
 * [Squidward gets up and plays his clarinet. But his clarinet playing is way off-key and it deeply annoys the patrons. The Maître D' is also annoyed. The patrons boo at Squidward, but Squidward didn't seem to care. The Maître D' walks up to the stage and peaks out behind the curtains.]
 * Maître D': Would you care for a mute, sir? [holds up a cork] All the great jazz musicians use mutes.
 * Squidward: Hey, that's right, they do. Thanks, Daddio.
 * [The Maître D' plugs Squidward's clarinet with the cork.]
 * SpongeBob: A-one, a-two, a bop-bubbly boo. [drinks some bubble soap and sings out some bubbles shaped like musical notes]
 * [The audience becomes fascinated with SpongeBob's singing. The entire lounge gets filed with musical note-shaped bubbles that it causes the roof to explode. Suddenly, the screw between SpongeBob's teeth becomes lose and separates back to normal. SpongeBob starts singing with his normal voice again. The audience are shocked and Squidward stops playing. Squidward gasps and thinks of a backup plan. He steals some dentures from another patron and shoves it in SpongeBob's mouth, making his voice sound deeper again. Then they proceed in their performance. The audience snap their fingers in an applause when the performance ended.]
 * Squidward: At last, I'm cool! [blow kisses and takes a bow with SpongeBob; the dentures fall out of SpongeBob's mouth and Squidward pushes SpongeBob off the stage] Go on, go on— [bumps into the Maître D'] That was so cool, it caused structural damage! [shakes SpongeBob's hand] You got to play some more for us cats. Don't leave us hanging.
 * SpongeBob: [regular voice] Oh, aren't you nice, I—
 * Squidward: [covers SpongeBob's mouth] Uh, sorry, man. We're going to bounce, you dig? [pushes SpongeBob to the door] Hey, we gotta go spread some more joy, baby. But we'll be back tomorrow night to blow the road back on.
 * [Everyone cheers.]
 * SpongeBob: Yay!
 * [Squidward covers SpongeBob's mouth and leaves. The scene changes to the next day at the Krusty Krab.]
 * SpongeBob: Thank, Dr. Squidward. That was so much fun being "cool" for one night.
 * Squidward: [grins evilly] We are going to stay "cool" every night if it kills us! Got it, Daddio?
 * SpongeBob: Okay, best friend. [laughs]
 * [Squidward twitches his eye when SpongeBob said "best friend". Squidward stops the eye from twitching.]
 * Squidward: We just have to make sure that the gap in your teeth stays closed. [lowers a cement machine] Say cheese.
 * SpongeBob: Chee—
 * [Squidward pours cement onto SpongeBob. He hardens it and puts the hairdo on SpongeBob as the finishing touch.]
 * Squidward: You ready, Daddio?
 * SpongeBob: [deeper voice] Baby, I was born ready. [spins the chair and sings in jazz]
 * [The scene changes back to the jazz club. SpongeBob and Squidward perform on stage again.]
 * Cool Patron #3: [licks his ice cream] Cool.
 * Patrick: [appears in the ice cream] Real cool.
 * SpongeBob: This next one goes out to all the [the gaps separates again and he talks in regular voice again] ladies!
 * [Squidward cements SpongeBob's gap again.]
 * SpongeBob: [talks in a deeper voice again] Take it, Squidward. [gives Squidward the microphone]
 * Squidward: I'm going to start this solo on a high note! [blows the cork out really hard on the clarinet and plays off-key music]
 * [The clarinet music was so obnoxious that is made everyone at the lounge cover their ears in annoyance. The cool patrons at the coolest table didn't like the music either as their shades crack and break. They each give Squidward a thumbs down.]
 * Cool Patron #2: I knew he smells lame. [claps his hands]
 * [The lounge's security guard grabs Squidward by the neck and throws him out, making him land in garbage. Squidward growls angrily and heads back into the lounge. He grows even more angry when SpongeBob's getting more attention than him. SpongeBob's cool singing became so popular that a seed of selfish and jealousy grew in Squidward like a poison. Squidward grabs a mallet and goes to physically harm SpongeBob.]
 * Squidward: [seething with rage] If I'm not allowed to be cool anymore, then neither is SpongeBob! [goes to attack SpongeBob, but gets lifted in the air by the note bubbles]
 * [The note bubbles lift him up really high above the stage until they pop. Squidward falls downward with several stage props and crashes onto the stage.]
 * SpongeBob: [climbs on some note bubbles as he sings] Zoop, zop, zlim, zlam, jam! [crashes onto a bag of sand] Bam! [falls on the stage; another bag of sand hits Squidward; SpongeBob gets up and talks in his normal voice] Yeah, okay. [his gap cracks and becomes separated again; his wig falls off] Hey, my gap's back!
 * [The audience murmurs in confusion. Squidward pulls himself out of the hole on the stage.]
 * Squidward: [groans and shakes his head to pull himself together] You see?! He's not cool! He's square! He's a food-flipping fraud!
 * SpongeBob: [laughs nervously and whistles] Sorry. [gasps] Did you hear that?! My whistle is back, too! Who needs singing when you can whistle? [whistles]
 * [Squidward covers his ears and groans in annoyance.]
 * Cool Patrons: Ooh, yeah. [snaps their fingers]
 * Squidward: [confused] What—what's going on? Wh—why are you snapping? Stop snapping!
 * [But everyone ignores Squidward.]
 * Drummer: That's the most righteous sound I've ever heard, man. Follow the leader of cool! [bangs his head on the bongos, makes a gap in his teeth and whistles with SpongeBob]
 * [The other cool patrons do the same thing. They all bang their heads, make gaps in their teeth and whistle with SpongeBob.]
 * Squidward: [annoyed and infuriated] Hmm, you know what? If that is what passes for "cool" now, then I don't want to be cool anymore! Hmph!
 * [Squidward leaves the stage and heads to the door in disgust. But he bumps into the security guard.]
 * Squidward: Huh? [his teeth crack and make a gap]
 * [The security guard grabs Squidward real hard by the neck.]
 * Maître D': Oh, you're not leaving this time until you pay for the damages first, Daddio.
 * Squidward: [whistles] This stinks.