The Wizard of Watts

Black Dynamite (TV series): Season: 2 Episode: 9 [incomplete & unfixed]


 * Suey! Suey! Suey! Dynamite! Dynamite! Dynamite! Dynamite! Ah, sweet stay-cation.
 * [bleep] with me, bitch?! I wish you would! Don't make me get under that hood! Biatch! You piece of [bleep] metal and steel! I'm-a beat the brakes off your ass! You mother[bleep] of an automobile! Bullhorn, why the hell are you yelling at my car?! I'm tryin' to fix this sorry sucka, but the bitch's engine quit.
 * Black Dynamite, your car just don't know who the [bleep] it's [bleep]ing with! Black Dynamite, just don't stand there standing by! Your oil tank done sucker-punched my ass in the eye! That's right, mother[bleep] you done [bleep] with the wrong one, man! I whup ass of cars, boats, and even air-a-planes! Bullhorn, how long do I have to hold this entire engine block of my car in the air? Today is the first day of my Black Dynamite, I know you are on stay-cation, but I been yelling and screaming at these orphans all day, especially that little badass lil orphan Rodney King! Sorry, Bee, but I'm on stay-cation.
 * You need to try punching them in the throat.
 * Punch them in the throat? Me? You know I couldn't hurt them kids.
 * Ow! Lil orphan Arnold, I'm gonna punch you in the throat! - Honey Bee, I - Black Dynamite, Euphoria is way out of pocket! She pimp-slapped a pimp in front of everybody! I didn't pimp-slap you! I ho-slapped you! So don't be braggin' about your little limp dick of a pimp hand if you don't know how to use it.
 * Black Dynamite, you better get these hoes in check! 'Cause when my pimp hand gets angry Unh! You ain't no pimp.
 * You just a simp.
 * Cream Corn, your game is thirsty.
 * Here, here, let me put some water on it.
 * Now your game is all washed up.
 * Black Dynamite, you gonna let them treat your star pimp this way?! - Now, Cream Corn - Black Dynamite! Look the health department shut down my establishment! Can you believe that [bleep] they say I can't serve - hog maws with burgoo! - What the [bleep] is burgoo? [bleep] I don't know.
 * Just sounded good with hog maws.
 * Roscoe, now I'm gonna tell you just like I been tryin to tell them What the? - Poof! - Damn it, Basehead! I done told you about poofin' up on Black Dynamite unannounced! Sorry, Black Dynamite, but I needs my money! - What money? - The $5 you owe me for - the dog you 'bout to buy.
 * - Basehead, I got no time for this! Now I'm trying to enjoy my stay-cation! Damn, Black Dynamite! You drive a hard bargain.
 * Just give me $2.
 * I-i'll be back to get it later.
 * And watch your leg.
 * His [bleep] is in heat.
 * Poof! Black Dynamite! That's it! Enough is enough! Ah-suey! All right, all the suckahs in the world, listen up! Black Dynamite is on stay-cation, which means he ain't helpin', savin', standin' up for, or givin' nobody $2! I kicked a whole month's worth of ass to give my ass-kickin' feet a break, so for the rest of the month, y'all are on your own! So, everybody, will you please shut the [bleep] up while grown folks is on stay-cation.
 * Uh, yeah.
 * Looks like you literally need to get a bitch.
 * Since technically you're an orphan, too, I guess you can live here.
 * Just try to stay out of the way and don't piss on shit.
 * Or shit and piss on on shit.
 * As a result of being on stay-cation, the police are [bleep] n-words up! I hear you whores are smuggling contraband via mooseknuckle.
 * So either you let me search you, or I'm puttin' all of yous in the slammer.
 * Aw, hell.
 * Where's lil orphan Rodney King? - Unh-unh, unh-unh.
 * - Wait a minute now, mother[bleep] wait a minute now, mother[bleep] Hey! Hey! Chief Magilahorn, big sis.
 * - How's it going over there? - Peachy, big bro.
 * Black Dynamite's on stay-cation, the community is in an uproar, and I'm loving every minute of it.
 * Lil orphan Rodney King! I was planning on beatin' your ass for no reason, but now you gave me one! You can't beat my ass! I'm just an orphan with no parental guidance and not much to look forward to! Who's gonna stop me? Black Dynamite's on stay-cation! Look, the police are over there beating up lil orphan Rodney King for no reason! That makes chocolate giddy-u-u-u-up very mad! That makes me feel like burning down my own community, starting with the Korean store! Not a drill, folks! Black community has suddenly plunged into black lawlessness and a darker shade of chaos! O-oh, my gosh! Is that an orphan?! Oh, no! The police are beatin' the shit out of poor little badass lil orphan Rodney King! Ooh! You got to do something, Black Dynamite! Black Dynamite! Your mama! - I know you on stay-cation - [bleep] this shit! The black community can burn itself down, for all I care! I'm leavin'! And at last, it looks like Black Dynamite has emerged from his retirement to restore order and Ohh! [bleep] that's right.
 * I threw the [bleep] engine! I'm-a whup every cop's ass that I see in sight! As soon as I get some help from Black Dynamite! Bullhorn, for the last time I said, I'm on stay-ca Unh! Stay-cation, damn it! Where the hell am I? How the [bleep] should I know? I just got here with you.
 * Wait a minute? How'd you say that, little dog? You a dog.
 * The name is Broto, and, man, this is your hallucination.
 * So again, how the [bleep] should I know?! Huh.
 * Well, something tells me we're not in South Central no more, that's for sure.
 * Oh, no shit, Sherlock.
 * I just need to know where the bitches at, 'cause I'm tired of dry-humpin' legs, and these bell-bottoms be makin' my balls itch.
 * Bullhorn? Cream Corn? Honey Bee? Hey! Hey! Heeeeeey! - Black Dynamite! - James Brown? What the [bleep] are you doing in my hallucination? And why do you have wings? I'm your fairy godfather of # soul # Black Dynamite.
 * And just for the record, just because I'm a fairy don't make me no fairy.
 * You dig? Okay, fairy good foot, now where the [bleep] am I? Welcome to the black version of "the Wiz"! Wait.
 * But "the Wiz" is already black.
 * Yeah, but not this black.
 * This place makes "the Wiz" look like "the Wizard of oz.
 * " And you just killed the Wicked Bitch of the South Central! Somebody give me a dramatic sting! Oww! Hit me! We only been here two minutes, and already somebody's - tryin' to set me up.
 * - Set you up?! Man, you just saved the little Rodneymunchkings! Hey, lil Rodneymunchkings, tell him how you feel 'bout that honky bitch dead under.
 * Put 'em in the hot tub.
 * Hey! Deyooo! Get on down the bitch is dead, which old bitch? the honky bitch, get on down the honky bitch is dead no more brutality from pigs we see, LAPD [bleep] the police, the Wicked Bitch is dead All right, all right, I get it! Now could you please stop all the goddamn singing and help me find a place to stay-cate?! Yes, but first I must give you # these # What the hell are these for? These are magical ass-kickin' shoes, Black Dynamite, and they now belong # to you # No, thank you.
 * Black Dynamite ain't doing no ass-kickin' today.
 * And even if I was, my flip-flops will do just fine.
 * Well, can your flip-flops do this? Get out! But you must never let them fall in the hands of her brother, the Wicked # Bitch of the West-side # Wait, wait, wait.
 * Her brother's a bitch? - Oh, shit.
 * - Oh, yes, the king of all bitches.
 * He would use them to kick our asses forever! And take over the whole black version of "the Wiz" world, Black Dynamite! Well, that's not Black Dynamite's business, and I didn't mean to kill that bitch in the first place.
 * Well, you might not have chose to kill the bitch, but the bitch chose # you # Unh! Well, I don't need it.
 * Oh, no! It's the Wicked Bitch of the West-side! That's right.
 * Now which one of yous killed my sister? Was it you, Black Dynamite? I ain't sayin' shit with or without a lawyer.
 * Black Dynamite don't say shit to the pigs.
 * Well, you're gonna give me my sister's magical ass-kickin' shoes.
 * - They belong to me now.
 * - You see there? I was gonna give 'em to you till you told Black Dynamite what to do.
 * Now you ain't gettin' a goddamn thing.
 * So if I was you, I'd scram before I come off - my ass-kickin' sabbatical.
 * - Just you wait.
 * I will get your ass, Blacky D, and your horny little mutt, too! What the Sorry, man.
 * I ain't gay or nothin', but you the only bitch around here not wearing bell-bottoms, so I just need your leg for about another minute.
 * Damn, man! I was almost there.
 * Please stay here and protect us from the Wicked Bitch of the West-side, Black Dynamite.
 * Sorry, little Rodneymunchkings, but Black Dynamite is on stay-cation.
 * Now all I want to know is how and where I can find a place to stay and vacation at the same damn time.
 * Oh, there's only one who can give you that, and that's the great and powerful super badass mother[bleep] - Oww! Good god! - Okay.
 * Who the hell is this great and powerful super badass mother[bleep]? Who else but number 32 and inventor of the look-away pass himself, Mr.
 * Magic Johnson.
 * Wait.
 * Earvin "Magic" Johnson, from the Lakers? Of course! In the black version of "the Wiz," he own all this shit! And he's # super-bad # Heyyyyyy! he got hotels and movie theaters too he got the Lakers, a black Starbucks, and a shoe Hunh! Unh Magic got it all and he's Magic, man Unh! Unh! Unh! he got dough and he's Magic, man Unh! now he got the money to do what he want to do he just might buy the Dodgers, Soul Train and an airplane, too Ha! Unh! he got dough and he's Magic, man Unh! Watch me! Magic Magic Magic H-e-e-e-e-ey! Unh! Oww! So you see, Black Dynamite, He got a chain of hotels that'll be perfect for you to stay-cate.
 * Well, where is Magic Johnson, and how do I get to where he is? He owns a magical city, not magic city.
 * That's the big booty girl.
 * That's down the road, there.
 * That's later down the road, there.
 * But I'm talking about a magical city, called # Oz-watts # Unh! Oz-watts? What the [bleep] kind of name is that? It's a combination of "oz" and "watts.
 * " - You know, like "whorephanage.
 * " - Fair enough.
 * Now how do I get to this Oz-watts? By taking the road less traveled, A.
 * K.
 * A.
 * Malcolm X Boulevard.
 * But I must warn you it's very dangerous.
 * but I had a dream that you ease on down Martin Luther King.
 * Oww! - # Come on and move on down # - All right, all right, that's enough goddamn singing! Now will you Rodneymunchkings please shut the [bleep] up and let a grown man figure out which road to ease on down?! Every yellow brick that glitters is not gold.
 * I'm rollin' with Malcolm X.
 * [bleep] we ain't got no engine.
 * So you imagined fairy godfathers of soul and Rodney monchichis and shit, and you couldn't imagine an engine in this bitch? - What the [bleep] kind of shit is this? - Suey! I'm gonna kick the shit out of the city of Oz-watts and the whole black version of "the Wiz's" ass! Dynamite! Dynamite! Hey, you think Magic Johnson could get me some [bleep] You know how long it's been since I had some lipstick on my lip stick? Wait a minute.
 * Hold your dick and your lipsticks, Broto.
 * Look at you hanging up there.
 * You can't even get yourself down.
 * Aw, shit! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout! Back up, you Hoe-crows! I'm warning you! You gonna get pimp-slapped! How the hell you gonna be a Scarehoe when you scared of hoe crows? Yeah! Ain't nobody scared of that limp-dick-ass pimp-hand! It ain't limp! I just got a lot on my mind.
 * You know pimpin' ain't easy! For the last time, you ain't no pimp! - Now sing it! - Aw, man! You Hoe-crows are gonna make me sing it again? You can't pimp you can't pull hoes and you're lame without any game you keep sayin' bitch better have my money but we know you always broke so explain you can't pimp you know it ain't easy but your pimpin' is just a shame - # you can't pimp, child # - # you can't pimp, child # you're only simpin' with that limp pimp hand that you claim you can't pimp you can't pimp, no way if your game still stays this lame you ain't pimpin' but it's nice to see you you make a nice rest haven for hoes better cool it 'cause we ain't gonna get in pocket well, you would if I had any game - # you can't pimp, child # - # ha! # you can't pull hoes and you're a lame without any game you're a lame without any ga-a-ame you're a lame witho-o-o-out Whoo! any g-a-a-a-a-ame Do y'all see this shit here? Tell me this, tell me this, tell me this, tell me this, Tell me this, tell me this, tell me this Now look here.
 * The game is to be sold, not told.
 * Can you dig it? See, you got to get in a bitch's head.
 * And don't chase them, just replace them.
 * You got to keep these hoes on their toes And let them know which way the wind blows.
 * See, you ain't got to hit a hoe to make them crow.
 * You can just look them in their eyes And make them feel it between their thighs.
 * A flock of [bleep] come a dime a dozen, And a dozen dimes still won't make me [bleep] a whole flock.
 * It's about control.
 * Now I suggest you crows shut the [bleep] up before you got to go change your panties.
 * Wow! Now that's real pimpin'! Who are you?! Nah, that ain't pimpin'.
 * You just got to have game.
 * The name's Dynamite Black Dynamite.
 * - I'm Scarehoe.
 * - Damn, Black Dynamite! You ran all the [bleep] away! I'm tryin' to get my dick wet.
 * And that horny-ass dog over there is Broto.
 * Well, that was still pretty impressive.
 * If I had game like that, I'd be spitting all these Hoe-crows left and right.
 * Yeah, that's right, mama.
 * Give me them toes so I can smell 'em in the wind And make all your flocks [bleep] off, - Or whatever you was sayin'.
 * - Hmm.
 * Look, I'm on my way to see the great and powerful Magic Johnson So he can give me a room at one of his hotels for some relaxation.
 * Why don't you roll? Maybe he can give you some game.
 * - Are you serious?! I would love to! - Okay.
 * But I'm telling you now, I seen this shit happen in "the Wiz," and I ain't - stopping for nobody else.
 * - Cool! I got shotgun! Uh, hey, uh, would y'all mind getting me down? Ooh.
 * Here you go, daddy.
 * A Hoe-crow's got your money.
 * Dynamite! Dynamite! Hey! Get your little asses back here! Hey, lady, look one of your damn kids shot out my tire - A nipple - What's wrong with you? My name is Tinbee.
 * I'm a bottom bitch that lives in a whore's platform shoe With so many badass kids I don't know what to do.
 * Look, I'll tell you what to do with them kids.
 * Whup they ass! That's just it I can't.
 * I just don't have the balls to hurt these little badass kids.
 * Something tells me you wrote a damn song about it.
 * Th-i-i-i-i-is bitch has hit the bottom these orphans, I'd have shot 'em but that's against the law now if my voice had more bass I could put them in their place if I only had some balls I'd whup their assess till sunrise and I wouldn't care who cries I'd be workin' that jaw I'd be like Bruce Lee in the movies With a wa-yaa! And a suey! if I only had some balls picture my drawers with big balls then I would show them all - Show us what? A pop on the butt? - No, a punch in the gut! and you just might get cut Ha ha! I would beat them with a broom stick extension cords and ice picks bam their heads against the wall they would have broken necks but I'd get my respect if I had some ba-a-a-lls A titty! A titty All right, everybody shut the [bleep] up - when metal mamas is cryin'! - Mm-hmm.
 * See? I knew it! A mother[bleep] with some balls can get y'all to shut up real quick! Thank you, um Scarehoe! And he's Black Dynamite.
 * And that little dog over there with the afro, that's Frodo.
 * It's Broto! B-r-oto, okay? Hey, I didn't come here for the sole purpose of makin' your kids shut the [bleep] up.
 * - We still got a flat.
 * - Oh, I can fix that.
 * Be-boo-boo-boo-boo, Boombee.
 * Man, it sure would be nice to have a man around here.
 * I mean, sure, they quiet now, but when you and your balls leave, oh, they gonna be talkin' again.
 * Yeah, well, that ain't my problem Hey, we're going to see Magic Johnson.
 * He's a badass mother[bleep] who's gonna give me some game.
 * Maybe he got an extra set of balls hanging around somewhere.
 * Really? You think Magic can give me some balls?! [gasps] This is so exciting! I'm gonna get some balls, I'm gonna get some All right, all right.
 * I guess you can come.
 * I can't get no [bleep] with all these kids in the car, nigga.
 * That's five years.
 * Oh, don't worry.
 * They ain't comin'.
 * Those mother[bleep] are on house arrest.
 * All right, I would tell you kids to stay put, but it looks like you ain't got a choice.
 * This metal bitch will be back with enough testosterone to beat you little mother[bleep] for the rest of your lives.
 * get on down, the bitch is dead which old bitch? The honky bitch Man, I hope we get there real soon, 'cause this Flintstones shit is [bleep] up my feet.
 * Hey, look club Jungle Deep! There got to be some wolf [bleep] or somethin' up in there for me Black Dynamite.
 * - Come on, man! I'm in the heat! - My feet could use a break.
 * All right, but make it a quickie, Broto.
 * You know we got a great and powerful magic mother[bleep] to see.
 * Okay, Broto, we'll be over here while you, uh, work the room.
 * And how you two lovely bitches doin' tonight? Look here if I don't get some [bleep] in the next five minutes, I'm-a explode.
 * Now, I know you can ask a bitch for - some ass better than that.
 * - Okay, okay.
 * Can I please have some of your wolf vagina before I spontaneously combust inside my dick? And now it's time for the king of the Kungle Deep! Put your paws together for Lionhorn! Come on, girl.
 * Forget this little puppy.
 * - It's showtime.
 * - [bleep] you then, bitch! Yo! Yo! Screw the po-po! That's right! I lay my anaconda down all through the jungle deep! I [bleep] she-elephants and wolf [bleep] by the heap! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
 * Whatever.
 * - Y'all don't want this dick.
 * - All right, Broto, don't start no shit.
 * I'm the baddest, meanest mother[bleep] lion around! I make rhinos tiptoe and giraffes drag their head on the ground.
 * I ain't lyin'! I [bleep] up a hundred mother[bleep] and then [bleep] all they mothers! I [bleep] a wildebeest and an ape just to stay in shape.
 * I ain't lyin'! They call me King Ding-a-ling! The baddest mother[bleep] they ever did seen! Biatch! I run the jungle deep! Wherever I lay my [bleep] down, I lay it steep! I ain't lyin'! I'm so cold, I ate the sun and shit out ice cubes! I'm-a superstar-a, but too rated R-a for your picture tube! I ain't lyin'! I drank this morning and pissed out afternoon, Made leap year jump over the Moon.
 * Told Christmas day, "get your ass in May," and smacked this morning for being late yesterday.
 * I stuck my finger in the ground and turned the whole world around! Man, stop the bullshit.
 * You can't do none of that shit you talkin' about.
 * That's enough, Broto.
 * Let the lion do his show.
 * Say what?! Man, you better grab your mutt! You heard me.
 * You got all this wolf [bleep] goin' crazy over you.
 * I want to see you do just one of those things.
 * Put your finger in the ground and turn the whole world around.
 * Do it.
 * See? He can't do shit! You just a lyin' lion! Yo' mama and yo' uncle! I'll take on this whole mother[bleep] pussyfoot of a jungle! Damn it, Broto! Now I got to stop this shit.
 * Suey! Look here, Lionhorn, I'm sorry about my dog Broto [bleep] up your gig.
 * I-I-I didn I didn't mean what I said in there, man.
 * I was just tryin' to get some wolf [bleep] man.
 * The girls were just feelin' all that, man.
 * I'm - I'm I'm sorry.
 * - Oh, it's all right.
 * I should've known it wouldn't last.
 * My mouth was writing checks, but there was - no cash in my ass.
 * - Yeah, you do talk a lot of shit.
 * But how many mother[bleep] do you know that can rhyme every damn line they say? That's a real talent.
 * Maybe you just need a muzzle sometimes.
 * Look, if the great and powerful Magic Johnson can give me a set of balls, I'm sure he has a set of muzzles.
 * Wait! You cats are going to see the great and powerful Magic mother[bleep] Johnson?! Oh! You know I wants in! Oh [bleep]! It's Flying Junkies! Oh! What?! Oh, they gonna smoke us! Get 'em, Black Dynamite! Basehead?! What are you doin in my [bleep] up fantasy? Fantasy or not, I want my $2, Black Dynamite! Black Dynamite, if you don't help me real fast, these mother[bleep] flyin' junkies are gonna try to smoke my ass! Dynamite! Dynamite! Okay! You want to play rough? Well, say hello to my little friend! Aha! You think you can stop a flyin' Basehead with a little stinky hot piss in the face?! I sleep with stinky hot piss in the face.
 * - No! - Oh.
 * - Take that! - Noooooo! What? I do something wrong? Aha! If I can't get my $2, I got to be able to get somethin' for these.
 * To the pawn shop, flyin' junkies! That's right! You better fly away, sucka! You freebasing flyin' monkey mother[bleep]! Now that they have the magical ass-kicking shoes, - there's no telling what they'll do.
 * - I'm sorry, Black Dynamite.
 * [crying] A titty! A titty! No reason to get all rusty, metal bitch.
 * We just got to get to the land of Oz-watts as soon as possible.
 * - So we can warn them? - No, so I can get a room and enjoy my stay-cation before all hell breaks loose.
 * Dynamite! Dynamite! Ha! Follow those Flying Junkies! Man, these shoes are so hot, they smokin'.
 * Are you implyin' that the Flying Junkies is thiefs?! I tell you what.
 * I'll give you 63 cents for them.
 * Come on, Bo Diddley.
 * I just need $2.
 * I'll suck yo' [bleep] Hell nah! I just got my [bleep] sucked.
 * Now what the [bleep] can all y'all do with $2 anyway? What could a flyin' junkie do with $2? I said we sniff, snort coke we shoot it till we see unicorns, Sasquatch and Eookiees suck a thang for some cookies, no, we ain't no rookies - # just junkies that need some base # - Say what? now, what we smoke is not the best but [bleep] it, you know we fiends and me, the dope and this syringe already tried to go clean see, I am Basehead and I like to get high with the smack and the white, the green and the haze and the purple that makes me fly but first, I got to find a vein I tap it and I tap it I reach in my jacket and pull out the smack and just rise to the sky for that trip, man I'll suck yo' [bleep] now I'm [bleep] up you can tell by my eyes and I brought two friends along and next on the pipe is my man base come on, base, smoke that bong check it out, we the f-l-n the j-u-n-k - # the rest is e-i-s # - Say what? you see, we dropped out of school 'cause the school had a rule, everybody take a drug test you see, my teeth is gone, and I lost a ton - # but I can steal a tv # - Say what? you see, I stole a lot of clothes from Muhammad Ali and I'll sell 'em for a Q.
 * P.
 * I got radios a box of Roscoe's chicken titties and apple jacks I could steal a Lincoln Continental - # and hide it in my crack # - Say what? so after that, I take a hit of the smack then I run through the mall I snatch a color tv, then I can flee and sell it for some speedball hear me talk about cocaine, white horse, more heroin - # than a smoker could ever smoke # - Say what? but I could've been a doctor or a lawyer 'cause I'm smarter, but it's harder to think when broke everybody goes Basehead, Basehead - # what you got to sell today? # - Say what? I got to two stereos now give me $20 so I can go get blazed everybody goes Basehead, Basehead I only got $10 so since my nipples are itchin' I will take that $10 PCP! here's the mellow it's on you, so what you gonna do? then I was gone, and a-gone, a-gone, gone, a-gone the high don't stop till there's nothin' to pawn then I was gone and a-gone, a-gone, gone, a-gone the high don't stop till there's nothin' to pawn sniff, snort, smoke we shoot it till we see unicorns, Sasquatch and Wookiees suck a thang for some cookies, no, we ain't no rookies - # just some junkies that need some ba # - Say what? No, these are not for sale! These belong to the Wicked Bitch of the Oh, hi, officers! Can you believe this man was tryin' to give me base money for your magical ass-kicking shoes? The nerve! I'm personally offended.
 * I got a place I got to be right now, though.
 * Uh, bye! Ow! Ooh! Ohh! And now to Oz-watts! I don't know about y'all, but my back is touching my gut! Man, I'm hungrier than four fat bitches trapped in a doughnut! - I say we stop and get something to eat.
 * - Absolutely not.
 * I told you we got to get to Oz-watts before the Wicked Bitch gets there.
 * Come on, Black Dynamite.
 * We got to eat somethin'.
 * You know a Scarehoe can't live on just pimpin' alone.
 * All right, all right! But we've got to get it to-go.
 * You dig? The department of [bleep] up food combinations has found Roscoe's food emporium to be [bleep] up, resulting in an immediate - closing of this establishment.
 * - You can't do that! My [bleep] up food combinations ain't [bleep] up! Ain't that right, y'all? Well, you need to find a way to serve good food combinations, like meatballs and spaghetti or hamburgers and fries.
 * Because as long as you are putting disgusting things together like chicken and waffles Ugh! no one will be allowed to eat here! Now, you wait a minute, Mr.
 * [bleep] up food inspector.
 * Now, if a man wants to put a piece of ox ass and fiddle faddle in his mouth at the same time, that's his business.
 * - And just who the hell are you? - To my friends, I'm Black Dynamite, but to you I'm just a hungry cat that's traveling with his friends in an imaginary land on his way to find a great and powerful badass mother[bleep] but that's beside the point.
 * Now, unless you got a whole army of inspectors ready to rumble, I suggest you get the [bleep] out the way when grown folks is hungry.
 * Roscoe's food emporium Roscoe's food emporium just because I like chicken titties - # and ox ass in my stew # - I like ass, too.
 * Roscoe will never bring you no [bleep] up food no [bleep] up food 'cause I like mixing fiddle faddle chitterlings and fondue but Roscoe would never bring you no [bleep] up food now, if you want to eat with Roscoe you better bone up on the rules Roscoe will never bring you no [bleep] up food no [bleep] up food better get you some grits and jello a frog leg or two Roscoe will never bring you no [bleep] up food - # no [bleep] up food # - # no [bleep] up food # - # no [bleep] up food # - # no [bleep] up food # Roscoe will never bring you no [bleep] up food no [bleep] up food 'cause I'll make you some snausages with eggloaf and some prunes but I will never bring you no [bleep] up food I will never bring you I said, I would never bring you I would never bring you, bring you, bring you no [bleep] up f-o-o-ood Yeah! Thank you so much, Black Dynamite! Well, we're off to see the great and powerful - badass mother[bleep] Magic Johnson.
 * - That's it! If Magic Johnson was to put his name on my establishment, they wouldn't keep tryin' to shut me down! Come on, Roscoe.
 * Look, y'all! There it is! Sweet stay-cation, here I come! I'm comin mother[bleep] I'm c-c-comin'! Wait.
 * I know that voice! It can't be! Who the [bleep] is knockin' at my door? That Frog Kurtis? That's right, mother[bleep]! That Frog Kurtis.
 * What? Y'all thought y'all wasn't gonna see me?! That Frog Kurtis?! Ri-ri-ri-ribbit motha[bleep]! Dynamite! Dynamite! Wait, you ain't no great and powerful Magic Johnson! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hell no! I'm the great and powerful Magic Johnson gatekeeper/ security guard/ titty juggler/ foot to the ass/ your mama's baby daddy/ hung like a motha[bleep]! W-W-W-What?! You didn't think Magic Johnson used protection? Huh?! That's a good one, that, Frog Kurtis.
 * Security?! Mother[bleep] me! Stop playin' and open up this door before I put another hand up your ass, you damn puppet! You think this shit funny?! Huh?! You think that you think that Frog Kurtis is a joke?! You ever been smacked across your face by a giant, 50-foot frog [bleep] He-he-hell mother[bleep]! He-he-hell! Marvel at it, bitch! And I'm all soft [bleep] Damn! I ain't into frogs, but, uh Ribbit ribbit.
 * What? You thought you was gonna meet Magic Johnson without gettin' a [bleep] in your mouth?! You thought wrong, mother[bleep] You thought wrong! - Let's split! - Run! Ohh! Y'all need to get off my [bleep] Suey! You mother[bleep] You done took the hem out my [bleep] Suey! You mother[bleep] You black, wide-nosed, egyptian, statue-lookin' mother[bleep] shiny, arrogant, air breathin' They should've never gave you niggas Bruce Leroy! Thank you, Black Dynamite! Damn.
 * The Wicked Bitch of the West-side.
 * - I should've known.
 * - And now if you'll excuse us, we're gonna put Oz-watts in a chokehold! You think maybe we should help? 'Cause they are gettin' [bleep] up.
 * Look, we came here to get some stay-cation, game, a pair of balls, a franchise, and a muzzle, and that's exactly what we're gonna do.
 * Hey, don't forget about my [bleep].
 * Uh, e-excuse me.
 * Why is the great and powerful Magic lettin' these pigs [bleep] you up with a stick? You know what? Unh! That's a a real good question.
 * 'Cause he's right over there in his magical throne not Unh! doing shit! I hope y'all didn't I hope y'all didn't I hope y'all didn't come expecting to get some [bleep] from him.
 * 'Cause if you did, y'all just y'all just [bleep] Y'all just as [bleep] as we are.
 * Well, there goes my balls.
 * Man, all my hopes went down the drain real fast.
 * I guess it's back to bouncin' checks with my ass.
 * Who the hell wants to eat truffles with ox ass anyway? Here, cujo, just bite off my pimp hand right now.
 * I don't need it no more.
 * You just doggy-styled my hand! There's no need in throwing away a perfectly useless pimp hand when you can just [bleep] it! Hey, I'm sorry, man.
 * I'm just backed up a little, all right? After all the [bleep] I been through, this mother[bleep] is gonna give me a room at his finest hotel with all the amenities for free! All right, Magic Earvin Johnson, where the hell you at? Who dares to question the whereabouts of the great and powerful Magic Johnson? Black Dynamite, that's who! Now why you letting your people get their asses whipped? - You ain't Charles Barkley! - [bleep] I gave them movie theaters, Starbucks, and [bleep] AIDS.
 * That should be enough! What? Never mind.
 * Look, all we need are some balls, a muzzle, a [bleep] or two I'm sorry, but I'm gonna need you to shut the [bleep] up when great and powerful badass mother[bleep] have spoken! That's my catch phrase, suckah! Magic Johnson, come out from behind that Magic Johnson right now! Suey! What the Future former L.
 * A.
 * Clippers owner Donald Sterling? There's no way you could be the great and powerful badass mother[bleep] in my imagination! Yeah, that's right it's me! And you want to know why the blacks think whitey is so great and powerful? Social engineering! We make sure that you only see yourselves as "12 years a slave," Django, "the help," Madea, and "Pootie Tang," whatever the [bleep] that means.
 * You think we're racists?! We're economists! It's all about money, Black Dynamite! And as long as negroes make the least money and spend the most money, we will always be on top! Those melon munchers will never organize to control their own economics, land, and media.
 * And even if they do, we will just make Mexicans the new blacks.
 * Man [bleep] this! I refuse to be treated like a cigarello-stealin', cigarette-sellin', syrup-sippin' stereotype! We need to do something! We should all turn our shirts inside out! Yeah! Uh, you know Or you could fight back? - Yeah! Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah! Hmm.
 * If Magic Johnson is not the great and powerful mother[bleep] in my dream, and it could never be this old-ass racist honky, then I guess there's no great and powerful mother[bleep] at all.
 * [bleep] you, Oz-watts! [bleep] you, Wicked Bitch! And [bleep] you, Magic Johnson! Wait.
 * Quick what do we know about Magic Johnson, other than he doesn't really own all this shit in the '70s? Ooh! I got it! He's a point guard for the Lakers! Exactly.
 * And what is a laker? - Hmm.
 * Hell, I don't know.
 * - Neither do I.
 * And when you don't know something, you Ooh! I know! You guess! You guessed right, Honeybee! Now what is the best guess we can come up with? Oh! Maybe it's fish! My favorite dish! Yeah, sure, that could be it.
 * And what is the biggest, baddest fish we know? A carcharodon carcharias, which is arguably one of the world's largest macropredatory fish, and is one of the primary predators of mother[bleep] marine animals, also known as the great white! And when a great white loses his greatness, - he just becomes a - A regular honky! Now, everybody, what's another word for honky? A cracker! Now what do you get when you put fire to a cracker? - Three to five, mandatory! - A Firecracker! That's right! And the only thing greater and more powerful than - a white firecracker is a? - Dynamite! And who has the biggest, baddest, - most magical Johnson in the world?! - Black Dynamite! Dynamite! Dynamite! Dynamite! Suey! You see, everybody? It's me! Look, I don't care who the great and powerful mother[bleep] is! I wants to get somebody's balls.
 * Metal bitch, all I got in this world is my balls and my word.
 * I can't give you my balls, but I can give you some words.
 * Friends! Wicked Bitch of the West-side! People of Oz-watts! While Magic Johnsons can provide you with all the movie-going experiences, lattes, and 24-hour fitnesses, he cannot protect your asses from gettin' kicked.
 * That is only a job that Black Dynamite can do.
 * And now I have realized that everything my friends here were looking for, they can only find in me.
 * But it's not your fault that you're all too [bleep] weak to protect yourselves while Black Dynamite is on stay-cation.
 * That's just the way you were born.
 * And you know what? There's no better way for Black Dynamite to relax and enjoy himself than kickin' ass in the dick all day! I've got the magic ass-kicking shoes, Black Dynamite! And black lives don't mean shit, no matter how Dynamite you are! Wicked honky Bitch of the West-side, you done [bleep] up now! - Ch-a-a-a-a-arge! - Suey! Suey! Ohh! Suey! Suey! Man! I can't breathe.
 * No! Nooo! Don't record me! No, no! Not an irrefutable visual record of my illegal actions! But at least a Grand Jury won't indict me! Freedom! I should've figured it out sooner.
 * The only way to defeat a crooked pig is to catch 'em on tape.
 * I say we sniff, snort, coke Thank you, Black Dynamite! Ow! Black Dynamite, I don't mean to make no fuss, but are you gonna stay your ass here with us? Shit.
 * Black Dynamite just needed y'all so he could learn a lesson.
 * As soon as I figure out a way to get my ass home, - y'all mother[bleep] are on your own.
 * - Yeah, how do we get home? O-or better yet, how do I get home? Hey, hey, heyyy! Black Dynamite, you could've gone anytime you were ready.
 * All you had to do sing a song about it.
 * You seen "the Wiz.
 * " Wait.
 * You mean to tell me I went through all this [bleep] and learned all these goddamn lessons for nothing?! Hey, you the motha[bleep] that wanted to take Malcolm X Boulevard.
 * Damn! Damn it, fairy godfather of soul.
 * The only songs I know take place away from home.
 * Oh, well.
 * I guess you'll be stayin' your ass here, then.
 * No, no! I can't stay here.
 * My community in the real world needs me.
 * Well, I-I guess I can try to sing something.
 * Whorephanage.
 * When I think of home I think of a place where there's whores overflowin' I wish I was home I wish I was back there where there's orphans' names I don't be knowin' where they can't shut the [bleep] up when grown folks is talkin' where I can't do my kung fu without interruption where I scream, turkeys split the scene and hoes better have my green suddenly, my world makes me want to stay right here in this imaginary land but if I don't go home then who will be the one that will stick it to the man? oh, if you're listening, god this shit is hard to know if I should leave or live in make-believe tell me, should I run away? should I try and stay? or should I let these weak-ass motha[bleep] be? livin' here in this brand-new world might be the fantasy I need but it taught me that I'm the only Black Dynamite so Dynamite Suey! and I've learned no matter how much they look inside their hearts to fi-i-i-ind everything that they need is inside bla-a-a-ack Dynami-i-i-i-ite I-I'm home.
 * Hey! It worked! - Ha! - James Brown? What the [bleep] are you doing in my reality? Oh! Thank goodness, Black Dynamite! You had us worried for a minute, there.
 * I was in this crazy, blacker version of "the Wiz," with Wicked Bitches, Flyin' Junkies, and piglets and shit.
 * We see that every day up on Crenshaw.
 * And you were there, and you, and you were there, and so were you.
 * I'm a little confused, I must admit.
 * Black Dynamite, are you smokin' that shit? - Black Dynamite, are you okay? - Let's just say I learned to appreciate who I am and what I have.
 * And there's no place like a ho home with orphans in it.
 * Okay.
 * I'm ready to kick some ass, but after this, I gots to get me some [bleep].
 * What? Dynamite! Dynamite! Dynamite! Dynamite! - Say what? - # I said we sniff, snort coke # we shoot it till we see unicorns Sasquatch, and Wookiees suck a thang for some cookies, no, we ain't no rookies just junkies that need some base then I was gone, and a-gone, a-gone, gone, a-gone the high don't stop till there's nothin' to pawn then I was gone and a-gone, a-gone, gone, a-gone the high don't stop till there's nothin' to pawn