To Joey, With Love

Jesse: Hey, everybody. My search for a new lead guitarist is about to end. Check out this ad I put in the paper. [reads ad] ‘Wanted for band – one down dude with an ax’. Danny: ‘Down dude with an ax’? Jess, you’d better be careful. You could wind up with a depressed lumberjack. [chuckles, but stops when Jesse and Becky give him looks] I’ll just arrange my shrimp balls over here. Jesse: [to Becky] Honey, this new band has got to be 10 times hotter than the Rippers. Now I got to find a guy that lives for the music, you know? A guy with real rock ‘n’ roll in his blood. Danny: [turns back to Jesse] Jess, you know, I… I… I… play guitar. Jesse: Well, I’ll, I’ll keep that in mind for the next family hootenanny. No, Danny. I need someone with band experience. Danny: I have band experience. In high school, I was with a group called “Four Guys named Danny”. [sees their puzzled looks] The name was a coincidence, but we just thought we’d run with it. Jess, I am one down dude with an ax, I am. Becky: More like a lanky loner with a ladle. Danny: I’m serious. The least you can do is let me audition. Jesse: No. The least I could do is ignore you completely.

Danny: This should be interesting – my daughter being taught by a man who has every Scooby-Doo on tape.

Joey: Hey, I’m serious. Teaching is a huge responsibility. Suddenly, I feel useful, noble, a productive member of society. [stands up as Mrs. Carruthers watches, smiling] It’s like the guy who looked at a lollipop and said, ‘I could put a hunk of Tootsie Roll inside this thing’. [He leaves the living room]

Mrs. Carruthers: There’s nothing more inspiring than watching that man walk out of a room.