Down With Word Up

Narrator: Becky “WordGirl” Botsford and her little brother TJ has-no-idea-his-sister-is-WordGirl Botsford, walk down the street with their pet monkey Bob.

TJ: And one time, WordGirl lifted up an entire mountain with her pinky! And she didn’t even chip a nail!

Becky: Uh-huh.

TJ: But that was NOTHING compared to the time that WordGirl dove under the ocean, grabbed onto an abandoned submarine, and heaved it into space! That sub is circling Mars as we speak!

(Bob pulls on Becky’s arm.)

Becky: (to Bob) What? Oh, okay! Uh, Bob wants to know what your favorite Captain Huggy Face story is?

TJ: Huh? Whatever. (Bob looks perturbed.) Ooh, but what about when WordGirl --

Becky: Okay, TJ, we get it. You  idolize  WordGirl. Can we change the subject please?

TJ: You’re just jealous because WordGirl is so awesome, and you’re so-- not awesome!

Becky: Not awesome? You think WordGirl would be impressed with ‘not awesome’? How about… unimpressive? Inadequate? Ordinary? Run-of-the-mill?

TJ: Becky--

Becky: Yes?

TJ: You’re totally regular.

Becky: Better!

Narrator: Meanwhile, across the street...

(Scene: Ye Olde Fancy Schmancy Jewelry Store. They are having a sidewalk sale. Reginald is standing next to a display stand containing a tiara, and Granny May is standing next to him.)

Granny May: Well, it sure is shiny!

Reginald: Yes, shiny. It is so valuable that we’ve taken the extra step of guarding it with this sweeping laser.

Granny May: (feigns being hard of hearing) Beeping faces?

Reginald: No, ma’am, I said sweeping laser. It protects the tiara from being stolen.

Granny May: Oh, I just love tiaras! They’re so bright and classy. Just like these three grandbabies! (She shows him a stack of pictures from her wallet.) Look at my babies. Whoop! (She drops the wallet on the ground.) Oh, look what I’ve done! Could you lend an old lady a hand?

(Reginald reluctantly bends over to pick it up. As he does so, she grabs the tiara from the stand and replaces it with a fake one.)

Granny May: Oh, thank you, sweetie. Well, I best be off to my bingo game. It’s ladies’ night! Ha-ha-ha-ha! (As she walks off, Becky watches from across the street.)

Becky: (gasps) That’s Granny May! And she’s up to her old tricks!

TJ: (still talking) .... and WordGirl can eat 500 tamales in one sitting!

Becky: Uh, that’s great! Uh, TJ, why don’t you go home and see if you can eat 501 tamales? That’s sure to impress WordGirl!

TJ: Good call! WordGirl, wherever you are, prepare to be impressed by… TJ, the amazing tamale eater! (He walks off. Bob starts following him, but Becky stops him.)

Becky: C’mon, Bob! We’ve got a sneaky senior citizen to stop. Word UP! (transforms)

(As Granny May walks down the sidewalk, WordGirl lands in front of her.)

WordGirl: Not so fast, Granny May!

Granny May: Oh! Muggers! (grabs her knitting needles, and fires yarn at them.)

WordGirl: Huggy, watch out! (She tosses him above her. He swings around a lamp post, and lands back on the ground next to her.) You may have  deceived  the jewelry store clerk, but you’re not getting past me!

Granny May: Believe the clerk? Of course I believed him!

WordGirl: Oh, drop the deaf old lady act! You distracted the clerk and swapped tiaras when he wasn’t looking!

Granny May: No, I didn’t!

WordGirl: Yes you did!

Granny May: Oh, I guess you got me there, WordGirl. You’d better take me off to jail. (Holds out her hands. Then she yells out, and falls backward. A crowd starts to gather.) Oh, my leg! My little old leg!

WordGirl: What?

Granny May: WordGirl. Why would you push me to the ground? Why would you use your super-strength powers for evil instead of good? WHY?

WordGirl: I didn’t push her! No-- see, she’s deceiving you! See, it’s a trick-- she wants you to believe that she, uh, that I--

Granny May: Oooooh! I didn’t know hair could hurt, but it does! It hurts!

WordGirl: No, see, the tiara-- her purse-- (Huggy picks it up and opens it, but finds it is empty.) What? But I saw her put it in her purse!

Reginald: (picking her up) How dare you accuse this sweet little old lady of stealing!

WordGirl: But I saw--

Reginald: WordGirl has no respect for her elders! (He walks her away from the scene)

Granny May: Now now, I’m sure it was an accident pushing an innocent little old lady to the ground-- (she flashes the tiara to WordGirl from her pocket) --whatever the case, I’m certainly not going to make a big deal about it! (The remaining crowd members are glaring at WordGirl.)

(Scene: in front of the hospital, a little later. Granny May is in a wheelchair, and a crowd of people have gathered holding up signs of WordGirl with a red slash mark over her picture. TJ is also there, but his sign has hearts on it.)

Granny May: ...And then, out of nowhere, WordGirl and her flying rabbit attacked me, and threw me to the ground! Oh, you should have seen the hatred in her little eyes! But-- I will turn this horrible incident into something positive! Behold-- the power of positive thinking! (She stands up from the wheelchair, and everyone starts cheering.) Y’all be good, y’hear?

(WordGirl and Huggy are sitting on a nearby roof watching.)

WordGirl: Can you believe this, Huggy? The entire city is  idolizing  Granny May! I mean, if you’re going to pick someone to look up to, you might want to make sure that person isn’t a criminal! (Huggy points below them) What?

(Granny May is putting on a sombrero.)

Granny May: That’s what I’m talking about, ha ha ha!

WordGirl: Is she putting on a sombrero? (Huggy answers yes.) Where is she--

(Granny May disappears into a building shaped like a large top hat.)

WordGirl: High-falootin’ Headwear Museum? That’s right! They’re showing the world’s most valuable tiara! We’ve got to stop Granny May once and for all! (She takes off with Huggy.)

(Granny May is inside, looking at an empty display case.)

WordGirl: My, Granny! What a big hat you have!

Granny May: WordGirl!

WordGirl: You may have  deceived  the rest of the city, but you’re not fooling me! And you’re not going to get away with it anymore! (She grabs a sock cap from a display and wraps it around her, holding onto the other end.) Now, Huggy!

(Huggy jumps over to Granny May and lifts the sombrero off of her, expecting to find something stolen underneath, but nothing is there. A store clerk comes out from the back carrying a tiara.)

Clerk: I can’t thank you enough, Granny May. Without your generous donation, this tiara would never have been--cleaned? (stops when he sees that she is tied up) What’s going on here?

(The same crowd of people come into the store.)

WordGirl: Hah-- I know this doesn’t look good, but uh, she was-- I thought-- (she picks up Huggy and flies out of the store, while the crowd members glare and shake their fists at her.)

(Scene: The playground. Huggy is balancing himself on a see-saw, and Becky and TJ are talking at the tetherball pole.)

TJ: What about the hundreds of other times WordGirl saved us? And now the whole city has turned against her?

Becky: Yeah. Ever since Granny May  deceived  them.

TJ: I don’t know about that, but she sure did trick them!

Becky: No,  deceived  means tricked! Also misled, taken in, suckered, deluded, double-crossed, humbugged…

TJ: Well, it’s not fair! WordGirl is treated like the bad guy, and Granny May is the city hero! She was even asked to be the official greeter for today’s visit by the Queen of Barbronia!

Becky: The Queen of Barbronia is coming here? Today? Does she wear a crown?

TJ: Duh, she’s a queen! Sure is too bad WordGirl can’t be there.

Becky: What do you mean?

TJ: Geez Becky, you are so out of it! Granny May filed a complaint. WordGirl will get in serious trouble if she goes anywhere near her!

Becky: Ugh! Agh! (She hits the ball as hard as she can, and the rope wraps itself around TJ, pinning him to the pole.)

TJ: (struggling to talk) Hey Becky-- how about a rematch?

(Scene: in front of City Hall. A crowd has gathered to greet the Queen of Barbronia. Granny May is sitting in a chair next to her.)

Narrator: Later that day, at City Hall…

Granny May: Now, I’ve heard the people in your country put hot sauce in their tea! Is that true?

Queen: Oh, yes, we love our tea extra hot!

Granny May: Oh ho ho, well that’ll wait ‘em up, won’t it? (They both laugh together.) You’re all right, sister! I’m gonna make you one of my extra-cozy quilts!

Queen: Just make sure it’s queen-sized! (Granny May laughs some more.)

Woman in audience: (talking to the woman next to her) Did you hear the latest about WordGirl?

Second Woman: You mean that she has a picture of Granny May on her dartboard?

Woman in audience: No, that’s old news! I just heard that WordGirl wears an astronaut suit when she’s around old people because she’s afraid of catching their cooties!

Second Woman: Oh! (whispers to the person to her left) WordGirl puts old people in space suits to contain their cooties!

Man to her Left: (whispers to Tim Botsford) WordGirl gave cooties to Granny May in space!

Mr. Botsford: (whispering to TJ) WordGirl’s going to knit a pair of booties for Granny May and make her wear them on her spacewalk!

TJ: Dad-- what’s that even mean?

Mr. Botsford: Well, it means that WordGirl is a fan of the knitting arts, and well-- well, I don’t know what it means, but I know that WordGirl is up to no good!

TJ: You’re wrong, Dad! WordGirl rules! (He shouts this out, and everyone gives him a menacing look.)

Mr. Botsford: Umm-- hi!

Granny May: Let’s all thank my new friend and fellow grandma, the Queen of Barbronia, for coming here today! (Everyone cheers.) And also be grateful that WordGirl and her airborne rabbit didn’t show up and ruin the fun for the rest of us! (She pretends to see something in the sky) Oh, my goodness! There’s WordGirl now!

(Everyone looks in the direction she pointed, and while they are distracted, she switches the Queen’s tiara with a fake.)

Granny May: Whoops! My mistake. It’s just a chubby seagull! My eyes aren’t what they used to be, I guess! Well, better be getting home. Time for my nappie! Bye bye, babies! (laughs and walks away)

(A strange visitor dressed in Mexican garb begins to speak-- which turns out to be WordGirl and Huggy in disguise!)

WordGirl: The only napping you’ll be doing is in a jail cell!

Granny May: How did you get past security?

WordGirl: You’re not the only one who can  deceive  people, Granny May! (The crowd glares at WordGirl.) No, but in this case it was good that I  deceived  you! I mean, well-- see, I had to prove that Granny, uh-- I mean, I’m not supposed to be here, so I had to trick you, and-- oh Queen, would you please check your crown?

(The Queen sniffs her tiara. Then she bites into the corner of it, and drops it.)

Queen: Oh! Hard candy?!

Granny May: I should go.

WordGirl: Oh no! You’re not getting away this time, Granny May!

Granny May: Well I-- (turns the other way, and Huggy blocks her path) What? Uh-- Granny’s confused! Ohh! (falls onto the ground) WordGirl pushed me down again!

Mr. Botsford: No she didn’t!

Granny May: Yes she did!

Mr. Botsford: No she didn’t!

Granny May: Yes she did!

Mr. Botsford: No she didn’t!

Granny May: Yes she did!

Mr. Botsford: Actually, no. I saw it.

Granny May: Actually I felt it, and she did!

Mr. Botsford: Well, we’re at an impasse.

Granny May: A what?

Mr. Botsford: We can’t get beyond where we are because of a disagreement. (quietly) No she didn’t!

Granny May: Yes she did! (She throws her arms up, and the real tiara flies into the air and lands at the base of the steps.)

Mr. Botsford: That’s the Queen’s real crown! (Everyone gasps)

Granny May: This is all just a misunderstanding! If you’ll just let me explain-- (Pulls out her perfume bottle and sprays it) --take a whiff of THIS!

WordGirl: Oh, NO you don’t! (She flies toward her, but is stopped briefly by the noxious perfume. Huggy then waves the sombrero to direct it back at Granny May. WordGirl ties her up.)

WordGirl: Good work, Captain Huggy Face! Now, (coughs) Granny, you’ve (coughs) sprayed your (coughs) last -- (coughs) Wow, that’s strong perfume!

Granny May: I buy it by the jug!

WordGirl: Well it doesn’t-- (coughs) smell so good where you’re gonna be-- (coughs)

TJ: See? I told you WordGirl was still one of the good guys! I was right all along! WordGirl does rule! (The crowd cheers for WordGirl.) WordGirl, the girl whom I  idolize  the most, this song is for you! WordGirl, with your awesome powers, you’re the awesomest girl! WordGirl, you’re awesome and pretty and awesome too!

(Everyone except WordGirl is enjoying TJ’s '"song", including Huggy. WordGirl stares blankly at TJ, almost in horror.)

Narrator: Break it down, TJ!

TJ: (talking into a flower as if it were a mic) Oh, WordGirl-- if you only knew how awesome you were, how awesome I think you are, you’d know that you are, and will always be, AH-AH-AWE-SOME! Awesome!

(Everyone cheers)

Narrator: And so, everyone realized that Granny had  deceived  them, and WordGirl once again restored order to the city. (singing) With her awesome-NESS! (WordGirl holds her ears, and the dome of City Hall actually cracked at the sound.)