Potions 11 / Moves Like Jabba

(Start at Hogwarts)

Harry Potter: Ron! Hermione! We're in big trouble!

Hermione Granger: Voldemort is back?

Harry: No, our franchise is over! For the first time in 10 years, there'll be no wizards or magicians represented in mainstream media.

Ron Weasley: What about the Wizards of Waverly Place?

Alex Russo: Uh, actually, our show ended, too!

Harry: I know the fact that Dumbledore has a special magic wand that can make us live forever! If we steal it, we'll be set!

Alex: But I've never stolen anything before.

Hermione: You stole the plot of our 4th movie to make your finale!

Alex: That's true! I guess I'm in.

Harry: But it won't be easy! He kept it in the vault in a magical kingdom known as the Exmagical hotel in Las Vegas! And, we're gonna need help.

(Title card: Potions 11)

Harry: Okay, Team 1 is Ron, Hermione, and Lucky the Leprachaun. Team 2 is Alex, Criss Angel, and David Blaine.

David Blaine: (In ice) I can't hear what you're saying!

Harry: Team 3 is Zatanna from the Justice League, Balthazar from The Sorcerer's Apprentice, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

Balthazar Blake: You're not exactly a teenager anymore.

Sabrina Spellman: How dare you! 35 is still a teenager.

Harry: And Team 4 will be me, Gandalf, and Tom LaPille.

All: Who?

Harry: Tom LaPille! The second best player of Magic: the Gathering.

Tom LaPille: I'd be the first, but at the tournament I got sick and threw up and my mom had to drive me home.

Harry: I needed 11. Now let's go!

(Almost everyone leaves.)

David: (Still in ice) Good luck with that.

(Cut to Hotel Exmagical.)

Sabrina: This place is fantastic!

Man 1: Welcome to the Hotel Exmagi-- (Gets zapped by Balthazar.)

Balthazar: Be gone stranger.

Frog: Ribbit!

Man 2: Sir, no weapons in the hotel! You'll have to come with us.

Balthazar: Sorry. That was stupid, stupid, STUPID!

(Scene pans to the rest of the gang.)

Hermione: All right, let's split up and see what we can find out.

(Cut to Zatanna in another section of the hotel.)

Woman: Miss, can I get a soda?

Zatanna: Oh, I'm not a waitress. This is my costume!

Woman: So, no soda?

Zatanna: ... (Zaps out a soda.)

Woman: Thanks.

Zatanna: Thank YOU!

(Cut back to Harry.)

Alex: Harry, Dumbledore has a TV on the 9th floor!

Harry: Great! We'll head on down. Lucky, let's go!

Lucky the Leprechaun: Aw, but I've got (Cloud comes up.) purple hearts, red diamonds, and three kings!

People: Aww! No fair!

Lucky: Aw.

(Cut to the rest of the group in an elevator.)

Criss Angel: Is everyone standing together? I will now levitate us to the next floor. (Presses button on elevator.)

Harry: Uh, Criss? This is just an elevator.

Criss: So? It's still levitation! (Door opens.) Fine, we'll get out and-- (Falls out of elevator.) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (SMASH!!!)

(The elevator goes up. Then, the door opens to reveal Fluffy.)

Harry: This must be it!

Gandalf the Grey: Foul hound, return to the abyss! (ZAP!) Well, that didn't work. I'll get them.

Tom: (Barfs) I did it! Someone call my mom.

Alex: The statues are coming alive! (Cut to living knight statues.)

Gandalf: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (SMUSH!)

Alex: Gandalf! NO! Dibs on his staff.

(The statues close in on the gang.)

Sabrina: I'll handle this! (Zaps both of them into a car.) This was fun, but I have to pick up my kids from soccer practice. (Drives off to pick up her kids.)

Harry: Looks like it's just the three of us again.

Albus Dumbledore: Harry, what are you guys doing in here?

Ron: Dumbledore! We heard you had a magic wand that can make us live forever!

Albus: Well, it's not magic, actually. It's (Pulls out a remote) called a "remote control"! And yes, you can live on through reruns.

Hermione: So we'll get to see Gandalf the Grey again?

Albus: Oh, he'll be back as something even better.

Harry: Gandalf the White?

Albus: Please. This is Vegas!

(Cut to another room.)

Man 3: Ladies and gentlemen, Gandalf the Glitter! (Curtain opens)

Gandalf: (Singing)

How lucky can a wizard be

These pants are tight and glittery

(Segment ends.)

(Scene begins at Jabba the Hutt's Palace on Tatooine.)

Lando Calrissian: Hel-lo? Anybody home? A robot eye let me in!

Guard: GRRRRRRR! (Sticks out axe and snorts.)

Lando Calrissian: This little piggy needs to take a bath!

Guard: Very funny. Where do you think you're going?

Lando Calrissian: Uh, I wanted to see if Jabba was hiring.

Guard: Ha! Good luck!

Lando Calrissian: How hard could it be? I mean, you got hired. How did you get this job?

Guard: You got a few minutes?

(On a black background, the name "Jabba" writes itself in pink cursive writing, music starts.)

Guard: (Singing)

I came from the staaaaars, and made a right

I met Owen Laaaaaars, who said he might

Know of a way, for me to get paid

Guarding an entryway

I took my resume caaaaaard that same night

I added "Sail Baaaaaarge" to the top right

Got off my butt, hoping I'd make the cut

When I met the large hutt, but what sold it was this

I stuck out my tounge and rolled it,

I wiggled my tail and showed

That I've got moves like Jabba,

I like to move like Jabba,

I want to moooooooove like Jabba

I can't work a Mac or PC,

He's got other guards like me,

But I can move like Jabba,

I like to move like Jabba,

I want to moooooooove...

So if you need a jooooob, and speak Rancor,

Just practice your tuuuuurns on the dance floor

Get some translating skills, make a few Jedi kills

'Cause the spot will get filled, unless you do it like this

Just stick out your tongue and roll it,

Just wiggle your tail and show

You've got the moves like Jabba,

Show you can move like Jabba,

You want to mooooooove like Jabba

Just hang up your bounty frozen,

And munch on a frog or toad,

Then you can move like Jabba,

Yes, you can move like Jabba,

You'll get to moooooooove like Jabba

Just stick out your tongue and roll it,

Then wiggle your tail and show

That you've got moves like Jabba,

I like to move like Jabba,

You got to moooooooove like Jabba

(music ends)

Guard: But sadly, there are no positions open at the moment. (Gets eaten by Rancor) AAAAH! AAAAH!

Lando Calrissian: So, when do I start?

(Segment ends.)

5-second Cartoon
Balthazar: This show is stupid, stupid, STUPID!

(Segment ends again.)