The Hook-Up Reverberation


 * Sheldon: Yes, but you tell me a dinosaur chicken salad sandwich wouldn't hit the Mesozoic spot.
 * Amy: So, Howard, is Stuart still living with your mom?
 * Howard: I don’t want to talk about it.
 * Bernadette: But he’s going to.
 * Howard: My mom got him cable. In my whole life, growing up in that house, no cable. Do you know how many HBOs that leech had my mother get him? Seven. Seven HBOs. Seven.
 * Bernadette: Long story short, they have seven HBOs.
 * Raj: Hey, guys.
 * Sheldon: Hello.
 * Raj: Emily, you know almost everybody here.
 * Emily: Hi.
 * Raj: And this is Leonard, this is Penny.
 * Emily: Oh, it’s so nice to meet you.
 * Leonard: Nice to finally meet you, too.
 * Penny: Hi.
 * Emily: Hello.
 * Leonard: Wow, Raj, you were not lying about her.
 * Raj: I told you she exists.


 * Penny: I hear you’re a dermatologist.
 * Emily: Uh, yeah. I’m a resident at Huntington Hospital.
 * Sheldon: Oh I like their emergency room. Even if it turns out you don’t have dengue fever, they still let you take home a lollipop.
 * Bernadette: You know, Penny just started training to be a pharmaceutical sales rep. Maybe she can practice on you some time.
 * Penny: Oh, it would be great to practice on a real doctor.
 * Emily: Yeah. I’m sure that’d be fine.


 * Sheldon: I have some odd freckles on my buttocks. Can I make an an appointment for you to look at them?
 * Emily: Um, OK. I guess.
 * Amy: I’m with him three years, nothing. She’s with him two minutes and he’s taking his pants off.


 * Sheldon: I miss Stuart’s place. All this loud music and exposed brick. What, is this a comic book store or a rav at the third little pig’s house.


 * Penny: Hey.
 * Emily: Hi.
 * Penny: Thank you so much for letting me practice my sales pitch on you. I really appreciate it.
 * Emily: Sure.
 * Penny: Um, I brought coffee. I wasn’t sure what you like, so I got a regular, a cappuccino and a Chai tea. Since you like Raj, I thought you might be into that.
 * Emily: Thanks. If we could get started. I’m a little busy.
 * Penny: Oh, yeah, sure. Let me just get out my materials. Leonard gave me this briefcase. He used to carry it around in high school. You can still see the dent where they whacked him with it. Okay, I would like to talk to you about our new birth control pill, Femevra.
 * Emily: Great.
 * Penny: So, Femevra’s triphasic design provides balanced hormonal exposure.
 * Emily: All right.
 * Penny: It has also been shown to cause significantly fewer side effects than other oral contraceptives. Although it can cause acne, which, if you ask me, kind of increases its effectiveness as a contraceptive.
 * Emily: Funny.


 * Penny: Okay, I’m sorry. Did we get off on the wrong foot? Because since like the other night, I kind of feel like you might have a problem with me.
 * Emily: No, it’s fine.
 * Penny: Are you sure because it doesn't feel fine?
 * Emily: Are you sure you want to talk about this? Okay. If you really want to talk about this, I do have a problem.
 * Penny: Oh my God. Tell me, what did I do?
 * Emily: Look it’s nothing. It’s just…Raj told me a while ago you two hooked up.
 * Penny: What? (crossly) Oh, why would he say that?
 * Emily: Did it not happen?
 * Penny: Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a hook-up.
 * Emily: Did you kiss?
 * Penny: Yeah.
 * Emily: We’re you naked?
 * Penny: Yeah.
 * Emily: So it was a hook-up.
 * Penny: No. Yeah.


 * Penny: You told Emily we hooked up?
 * Raj: Um, well. In my defense I tell everyone.
 * Penny: Why would you say that?
 * Raj: We were having a conversation about past lovers.
 * Penny: What? We weren't lovers. Come on. Everybody knows we didn't sleep together. We got drunk and fooled around. Why couldn't you just leave me out of this?
 * Raj: We were being honest. You would leave me out of the conversation with the next guy if you dumped Leonard?
 * Leonard: (annoyed) Why say that?
 * Penny: Yes!
 * Raj: Well, I would never leave you off my list. And not just because without you, we're playing fast and loose with the word "list".
 * Penny: (angry) Well, good job. Now she hates me!
 * Raj: (dejected) Great.
 * Sheldon: On the bright side, that Oxford study was right. One friend down (Raj glares at Sheldon) I wonder who you're going to lose next.
 * Raj: You! OK, it's you! Y-you're next.
 * Sheldon: (smiles) No! You're crazy about me.
 * (Raj continues to glare at Sheldon)


 * Penny: I don’t know what Emily’s so upset about anyway. Even if I had slept with him, so what? Everybody has a past.
 * (Amy clears her throat)
 * Penny: Almost everybody has a past.
 * Bernadette: (she's informing Penny crossly) Come on, look how pretty you are. I’m sure this isn’t the first girl to hate you.
 * Penny: (flattered) It’s not.
 * Bernadette: And I’m sure you can turn it around.
 * Penny: How? You can’t force someone to like you.
 * Amy: What if you just hang around and act like her friend until you wear her down? I mean, next thing you know, you’re in her home, you’re eating her food, drinking her wine.
 * Penny: No, that won’t work.
 * Amy: You’re right. Cheers.
 * Bernadette: Oh, I know. Why don’t you use your sales training to go back down there and sell yourself?
 * Penny: What?
 * Bernadette: Yeah. But instead of selling a drug, you’d be selling Penny. it’s cute.
 * Penny: It’s stupid.
 * Bernadette: (she's finally very cross) Well, maybe people would like you more if you didn’t crap all over their ideas.
 * Amy: I’m gonna go with Penny on this one. Then again, why wouldn’t I? I mean, we go way back.
 * Penny: Oh, my God. I didn’t used to like you.
 * Amy: Shh. Amy’s here now.


 * Amy: Can you see how a grown man, an accomplished scientist, who invests in a store that sells picture books about flying men in colorful underwear might be wasting both his financial and intellectual resources?


 * Raj: Excuse me. Can I say something? I just love both you guys and I want you to get along. And when I said “love” I meant as a friend. And, ah, way too soon. Right?


 * Raj: It’s true. You’re both gorgeous. Kind of says something about the man who could bed you both. {Laughs.} You get why I’ve been alone most of my adult life.


 * Penny: OK, good night guys.
 * Emily: Bye.
 * Penny/Emily: I hate her.


 * Bernadette: Last night was fun. What did you think of Emily?
 * Penny: (grumbling) I don’t know. I kind of got the sense she didn’t like me.
 * Bernadette: Did she say she didn’t like you?
 * Penny: Of course not. No one ever says they don’t like you straight to your face.
 * Amy: (laughing) We have led different lives.
 * Bernadette: You guys just met. Why would she feel that way?
 * Penny: It’s just this vibe I got.
 * Bernadette: I’m sure you’re worried about nothing.
 * Penny: Yeah. You’re probably right. I used to think my high school P.E. teacher didn’t like me, but it turned out, she liked me a little too much.
 * Bernadette: Really?
 * Penny: Yeah. It was fine. We went to a Melissa Etheridge concert, I got an A, it all worked out.
 * Bernadette: When you go to Emily’s office to practice, you’ll see. It’s fine.
 * Penny: Yeah, I hope you’re right.
 * Amy: You really went your entire life without anyone saying I hate you to your face?
 * Penny: Yeah.
 * Amy: I’d say it now, but look at those cheekbones.


 * Howard: Mm. So, me and the guys were talking about this great investment opportunity.
 * Bernadette: Nope.
 * Howard: But you didn’t hear what it was.
 * Bernadette: I know.
 * Howard: Oh, come on.
 * Bernadette: Fine. What is it?
 * Howard: It’s to help reopen the comic book store.
 * Bernadette: Nope.
 * Howard: Well, hear me out.
 * Bernadette: Howard, you know we’re saving up for a house.
 * Howard: I know, but all the guys are doing it. We’re splitting it four ways, so it’s really not that much money.
 * Bernadette: It just seems like a risky investment.
 * Howard: I get that. I, okay, look, the real reason this is important is, before my dad left me and my mom, he used to take me to the comic book store. It was one of the few things we did together.
 * Bernadette: Oh. Howie, I had no idea.
 * Howard: Well, I don’t like to talk about it.
 * Bernadette: Oh, baby. That story’s made up, isn’t it?
 * Howard: That’s how much buying a comic book store means to me.


 * Stuart: So, what brings you by?
 * Howard: Well, I don’t need a reason, it’s my house.
 * Stuart: Technically, it’s your mom’s house, but we certainly want you to feel welcome.
 * Howard: I’m always welcome.
 * Stuart: Mm, just try and call first.
 * Bernadette: Okay, let’s get down to business. Howie was thinking about putting up some money to help you reopen the store, but before that happens, I have a few questions.
 * Stuart: Oh. I appreciate the offer, but actually your mother already gave me the money.
 * Howard: What?
 * Stuart: Yeah. I told her it was too much, but she said she was happy to help out her bubala.
 * Howard: Excuse me. (walks up the stairs, now angry) Ma, you are cancelling that check, and Stuart is not your bubala, I’m your bubala! You can’t have more than one bubala!
 * Stuart: I don’t know who he’s talking to. She’s at Target, buying me shirts.