Villain School

(Scene: It is night time, outside of a building in the city. A light is on in a second story window, and the shadow of someone can be seen pacing around.)

Narrator: Something’s happening in there! Let’s go watch!

Coach: And welcome to the Coach’s Evil Villainy and Arch-Enemy School. I am the brilliant and evil mastermind, the Coach. And with my patented proven techniques you all will soon be transformed from  novice  villains to seasoned professionals.

(Mild applause.)

Coach: (chuckles) Thank you. Thank you. Anyway, I like to start each class with a little role call. We’ll start with you.

(There are three villains in training sitting in front of him. The one on the left speaks up.)

Timmy: Whoa. My name’s Timmy Tim-bo, my buddys call me, and uh, I got fired from the pizza place downtown, so I thought being a villain seemed kinda cool, so uh, here I am.

Coach: Right, great! Superpower?

Timmy: Oh yeah, I can nap, like, a lot.

Coach: Heh, awesome. Next?

Big Left Hand Guy: Hi, I’m Big Left Hand Guy! Heh-heh. And, as you can see, I have a big left hand! Heh-heh-heh-heh. Oh, hey, I guess that’s my name AND my superpower! Double whammy! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Coach: Eh… finally, you! Ms… Question?

Ms. Question: What do you want to know about me again?

Coach: Y- your name, superpower, that sort of thing.

Ms. Question: Is that going toward my grade?

Coach: Oh-- ha ha, I see. You're Ms. Question, and your power is to ask questions--

Ms. Question: Isn’t that obvious? Or is it?

Timmy: Whoa… (whispering to Big Left Hand Guy) … she’s good!

Ms. Question: Do you really think so?

(Timmy Tim-bo falls asleep in his chair.)

Coach: Okay… okay. Now. So I think you’re ready for your first real world experience! (He turns away from them, and says to himself) ...Then I can use you, my ignorant goofballs, to steal whatever I want!

(They all look at him.)

Timmy: Um… Coach, we heard that.

Coach: Well… good for you! You've all, uh, passed your first villainy test of… listening!

(They all high-five each other, and congratulate themselves.)

Timmy: Awesome!

Big Left Hand Guy: That was easy!

Ms. Question: Yay...did you know he was gonna do that?

Coach: That’s right! Now-- your first step on the path of viillainous success will be to steal me-- this!

(He rips a sheet of paper off of his easel pad, revealing a picture of a large whistle.)

Timmy: Whoa!

Big Left Hand Guy: Fancy!

Coach: This is Michelangelo’s Whistle! Legend has it that whoever blows it will have power over anyone who hears the tune!

Ms. Question: Is that really true?

Coach: As far as I know.

Ms. Question: How can you be sure?

Coach: I--

Ms. Question: Where did you get your information?

(Timmy Tim-bo falls asleep again. The Coach grabs his own head.)

Coach: O-o-ohh… Just go steal the whistle!

Ms. Question: (after a pause)  Oh, now?

(The Coach grabs his head again, and they all stand up and walk off.)

Coach: Once you three nincompoops bring me Michelangelo’s Whistle, I will become  legendary ! Heh-heh-heh! They’ll sing songs about me, write poems about my deeds…

(He leans against the easel, and it falls over, carrying him to the floor with it.)

Narrator: Later, at the Whistle Museum…

(Scene: The Whistle Museum, late at night. It is a building that has been built in the shape of a very large whistle. Inside, Timmy Tim-bo, Big Left Hand Guy and Ms. Question are walking around looking for Michelangeno’s Whistle.)

Timmy: Whoa, whistles.

Big Left Hand Guy: Okay, now let’s grab the whistle and get outta here.

Ms. Question: Um, which whistle are we supposed to steal again?

Timmy: Uh, the whistly one?

Big Left Hand Guy: Maybe we should just take ‘em all!

Timmy: Good idea.

(They start grabbing whistles off of the wall and putting them into their bags.)

Narrator: At that very moment…

(Scene: Inside WordGirl’s Secret Spaceship Hideout.)

WordGirl: Okay, Huggy. Let’s try this new attack again.

(Huggy chatters.)

WordGirl: Alright. Here we go!

(Huggy stands back and jumps onto her hands. She flips him over her shoulder. He splats against the wall and slides down.)

WordGirl: Don’t worry, Huggy! (giggles) It’s a new move, and you’re still a  novice  at it. But with some practice, you’ll have it mastered!

(Huggy whimpers as he lies on the floor.)

WordGirl: And then we’ll catch the infamous Teddy Bear villain! (She squeezes a stuffed animal wearing a mask and a sock cap.) Sorry, it’s just he’s so cute!

(An alarm sounds.)

WordGirl: Someone’s broken into the Whistle Museum! C’mon, Huggy! Word UP! (takes off with him)

(Scene: Back at the museum. The would-be villains have collected bags full of whistles and are getting ready to walk out. Timmy is whistling as he walks.)

Ms. Question: Hey, quiet much?

Timmy: Why?

Big Left Hand Guy: ‘Cause we’re stealin’ stuff! Heh-heh.

Timmy. Ooh. Right.

(WordGirl and Huggy arrive.)

WordGirl: Sorry guys, but your whistle-stealing days are through!

Timmy: Whoa! WordGirl!

WordGirl: Right! And you guys are?

Ms. Question: Who wants to know?

WordGirl: Um… me.

Ms. Question: And this is regarding?

WordGirl: What?

Big Left Hand Guy: Oh, heh, that there’s Ms. Question!

WordGirl: Oh, now I get it.

Big Left Hand Guy: (pointing next to him) That’s Timmy Tim-bo.

Timmy: Hiya.

Big Left Hand Guy: And I’m Big Left Hand Guy. Heh-heh.

Timmy: Yeah, we’re like, the city’s newest villains.

Big Left Hand Guy: Yeah, and we may be  novice s, but we’re not scared to take on the  legendary  WordGirl! Or that fuzzy little monkey guy either!

(Huggy chatters angrily.)

Ms. Question: " Legendary "? What’s  legendary ?

WordGirl: (chuckles) Well,  legendary  means that my actions are so celebrated, they’ve taken on the nature of a legend. You see, people talk about me, tell stories about me, and… (acting bashful) … well, I’m just so flattered by all this.

Ms. Question: Heh-heh-heh… is anyone else a little lost?

WordGirl: Oh, okay… well, take Michelangelo’s Whistle. (The camera pans over to show a pedestal with a large whistle on it, surrounded by a glass bubble.) It’s supposed to have  legendary  powers, powers that have been discussed throughout history.

Timmy: Hey, the Michel- (pause) bobity-bob Whistle is the one we’re supposed to steal!

(All three villains drop their sacks and run over to the pedestal. WordGirl lands in front of it, blocking their path.)

WordGirl: Uh-uh-uh! You’ll have to make your way through US first!

(The three villains strike a menacing pose.)

WordGirl: Wow! You guys don’t look like  novice s. Okay, bring it on!

(They stay in the same poses.)

WordGirl: Umm… aren’t you guys gonna attack us or something?

Timmy: We haven’t learned that yet. We only learned how to pose.

WordGirl: (chuckles) Okay, tell you what. Since you guys are  novice s and you haven’t successfully stolen anything yet, I’ll give you a head start. Ready? Go!

(She and Huggy close their eyes, and the villains run off. But they all try to go through the door together and get wedged, in Three Stooges style.)

Ms. Question: Would you just get out of the way?

Timmy: Dude, watch your hand!

Big Left Hand Guy: It's stuck!

Ms. Question: Hey, do you have to get so close?

(After a few seconds, they manage to make it through the door.)

WordGirl: Let’s go, Huggy! (takes off)

(The three villains are running frantically down the street.)

Ms. Question: Why didn’t I listen to my mother and go to pastry college?

(WordGirl and Huggy land in front of them.)

WordGirl: Alright, you guys are coming with us!

Timmy: No, we’re not! (They all turn to the left and run off.)

WordGirl: Fine! Huggy, let’s give ‘em out new attack!

(Huggy jumps onto her hands, and she flings him toward them. He flies over their head, and ends up hitting a lamp post. Big Left Hand Guy holds his hand up and waves into traffic.)

Big Left Hand Guy: Taxi! (A taxi pulls up, and the three villains get in. The taxi drives off as WordGirl lands next to Huggy.)

WordGirl: I didn’t even see that cab! Man, that guy’s good!

(Huggy chatters.)

WordGirl: You’re right, Huggy.  Novice  criminals stealing whistles from a museum? There’s something fishy going on here…

(A fish vendor next to the lamp post sighs, and holds up a fish wrapped in newspaper.)

Fish Vendor: That’d be me.

WordGirl: (sighs) Does everything have to be taken so literally around here? Word UP! (grabs Huggy and takes off)

(Scene: Back at the Coach’s office.)

Coach: Students, that mission was a complete failure!

Timmy: Sorry, Coach.

Coach: Well, except for you hailing a cab, Big Left Hand Guy. That was incredible!

Big Left Hand Guy: Heh-heh, thanks Coach.

Coach: In order to teach you the proper way to steal something, I’m gonna bring in a  legendary  student of mine-- the Whammer!

(The three villains gasps in wonder, and turn their heads. Inside the next room, the Whammer sits motionless in front of a TV, eating a bag snacks. The Coach looks in with concern, then holds up a finger to the three villains, signalling that it’s just be a minute )

Coach: Hey, Whammer. You got a minute?

Whammer: Whammer’s whammin’ a little TV, wham.

Coach: Whammer...

Whammer: Okay, I’m whammin’.

Coach: Whammer’s going with you to steal that whistle to show you  novice s how a  legendary  villain works!

(The three villains look at each other with anticipation.)

Whammer: Okay. The Whammer’s gonna teach you guys how to wham! And… steal stuff. Oh, and wham! Yeah! But first Whammer’s got to get his pie out of the oven.

Ms. Question: Oh, is it organic?

Coach: Alright, we’ll sit and have a slice of pie. And then you guys got to go steal that whistle!

Timmy: Uh, dude, does your pie have butter in it? ‘Cause I’m super allergic to butter.

Whammer: Dude, the Whammer’s pie is whammin’ with butter! Yeah!

Timmy: Ah, man.

(Scene: The Whistle Museum, later that night. There is a huge hole blasted in the side of the building. The Whammer is inside along with the other three villains.)

Ms. Question: Mr. Whammer, is it?

Whammer: Wham.

Ms. Question: How did you get to be the  legendary  villain you are today?

Whammer: Wham.

Ms. Question: Can you elaborate?

Whammer: The Whammer just-- is. You know? Wham.

(The Whammer removes the glass bubble from the pedestal holding Michelangelo’s Whistle, then picks up the whistle.)

Whammer: There you go-- see? Easy as wham. Yeah! Now we just wham out the way that we whammed in.

(WordGirl and Huggy arrive.)

WordGirl: I knew there was someone behind these  novice  villains! But I never thought it would be you, Whammer!

Whammer:  Novice ? Wham?

WordGirl:  Novice ! It means--

Timmy: It means a person new to a field, or activity…

Big Left Hand Guy: Yeah, like a beginner. Like, uh, a little kid playin’ soccer for the first time..

WordGirl: Uh, fellas? That’s kind of my thing. I define the words.

Timmy: Oh, sorry.

Ms. Question: What’s the Whammer doing?

Whammer: The Whammer’s getting ready to wham! Yeah!

WordGirl: Take cover!

(She flies off with Huggy, Big Left Hand Guy leaps out of the way, and Timmy and Ms. Question end up running into each other. The Whammer puts his fists together, sending a shock wave toward them. They both get tossed into the wall.)

Ms. Question: Where am I?

Whammer: Whoops! My wham, fellas, my wham.

(Huggy jumps toward the Whammer, and knocks the whistle out of his hand.)

Whammer: (sadly) No, now the Whammer needs that.

(Michelangelo’s Whistle lands on the ground. WordGirl ties up Timmy and Ms. Question using another long whistle. Then she wraps up Whammer using a cord attached to another whistle.)

Whammer: Aaw… I’m all whammed up, yeah.

WordGirl: Well, Whammer, I guess from now on you should think before you wham!

(Huggy sees Michelangelo’s Whistle lying on the ground and points at it, just as a big left hand swoops down and grabs it and runs for the door.)

WordGirl: Huggy, it’s time to unleash our new attack! It’s the only thing that will stop him!

(Huggy chatters sadly.)

WordGirl: Come on, Huggy, you can do it! Hey look, you’re a great sidekick. And an even better superhero! You just need to believe in yourself a little bit more!

(Huggy stands up proudly and chatters.)

WordGirl: Okay, ready? One, two, thr--

Big Left Hand Guy:  (offscreen) Taxi?

(A taxi drives up to them. The door opens and closes quickly, then takes off. Big Left Hand Guy waves.)

WordGirl: I guess I should have spent less time inspiring you.

Narrator: Man, that guy can hail a cab!

WordGirl: Seriously.

(Scene: Back at the Coach’s office. He is pacing back and forth nervously, mumbling to himself.)

Coach: Oh, me. This carpet's dirty!

(Suddenly, the door opens.)

Big Left Hand Guy: (out of breath) Here, Coach.

(He hands the whistle over to the Coach.)

Coach: Michelangelo’s Whistle! Splendid, Big Left Hand Guy. You have just graduated from  novice  villain to expert! (He places a graduation cap on him.)

Big Left Hand Guy: Heh-heh-heh-heh! Gee, thanks for believin’ in me, Coach! You know, it’s al--

(WordGirl and Huggy comes through the door.)

WordGirl: Hold it right there-- Coach?

Coach: WordGirl, how did you find me?

WordGirl: I followed the cab. There’s only like three in the whole city!

(The Coach grabs the graduation cap off of Big Left Hand Guy.)

Coach: Forget it, you’re back to  novice !

Big Left Hand Guy: Aww, marshmallows.

WordGirl: I should have known you’d be behind these  novice  criminals!

Coach: Phh--  novice  AND pathetic! But successful! (He cackles.) Once I blow this  legendary  whistle, you will be under my total control! And I, the Coach, will become a  legendary  unstoppable force! Ha-ha-ha!

WordGirl: No!

(Huggy tried to leap toward him, but Big Left Hand Guy holds out his hand and stops him. The Coach then blows into the whistle, and WordGirl and Huggy are put under a spell.)

WordGirl: The sound… so beautiful!

Narrator: Is this the end of WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face? Will the Coach gain total control over them and the city? Is there any pie left? (Big Left Hand Guy is shown eating the last of the pie-- he evidently is not affected by this whistle.)

(Suddenly, a pack of dogs come through the door, and charge the Coach. He stops playing.)

Coach: What? It- it’s a dog whistle?

(The dogs jump onto the Coach, and the whistle goes flying in the air. WordGirl and Huggy are released from the hypnotic spell.)

WordGirl: Huggy!

(Huggy leaps into the air and lands on her hands, then she tosses him into the air. He grabs the Whistle just before Big Left Hand Guy grabs it.)

WordGirl: Well, Huggy. Looks like you’re no longer a  novice  at that new attack! As for you, Coach, it looks like the only thing you’ll be whistling from now on are some sad, sad songs!

(She looks at Huggy and the Coach for a reaction to her witty remark, but they only shake their heads. The scene then cuts to jail, where Sergeant Henderson is whistling as he locks up all five of them, including the Whammer.)

Narrator: And so once again, our  legendary  heroes have saved the city! This time, from the Coach and a trio of oddly-named  novice  criminals. Tune in next time, for another amazing episode of WordGirl!

(During the closing scene, WordGirl poses while the Bee flies by, being chased by the dogs.)