Mom's Birthday

(Scene opens up showing the Flynn-Fletcher house.)

Candace: (Clears throat) Mi Mi Mi Mi Mi

La La La La La La La

Phineas: Ferb, are you hearing what I'm hearing? Candace singing. Early in the morning.

Candace: ''(Singing a capella) Mom, it's your birthday. Thanks for all the care and love you give.'' Yeah, yeah, that's all right. I like that. Mom, it's your birthday.

Phineas: (Gasps) It's Mom's birthday! How can we forget Mom's birthday? Where have all the days gone?

(Flashbacks start)

(Riding a Rollercoaster) We can't forget Mom's birthday.

(In search of a mummy) We can't forget Mom's birthday.

(Herding cattle) We can't forget Mom's birthday.

(Surfing) We can't forget Mom's birthday.

(On stage) We can't forget Mom's birthday.

(Being chased by a dinosaur; Roaring) Isn't there something I'm supposed to remember?

(Flashbacks end)

Phineas: We should do something perfect nice for Mom, what with Dad being out of town on business and all.

Candace: Okay, Candace, once from the top.

Mom, it's your birthday.

Phineas: I got an idea.

(Cut to Candace)

Candace: Eggs and bacon

Oh, yeah

Mom, let me be the first to say--

Phineas: Happy birthday, Mom! We brought you some periodicals - like Mom Daily, Mom Weekly, Mom Bi-weekly, and just the way you like it, half-caff, double-frapp, mocha choco-latte mezzo-espresso.

Linda: Oh, wow. You boys really outdid yourselves.

Phineas: Au contraire, mon mere. I declare it's our mission to give you best birthday ever. So relax, enjoy some reading, and no peeking till we come get you.

Linda: Oh, those boys are too much! Mmm. Oh, I smell eggs and bacon.

Phineas: Thank you, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro! We appreciate you helping us out. Ooh. Another call. (Beep) Talk to me. Buford, my man. Uh, hold on. Needs roughage. Thanks, Buford. Glad we can count on you.

(Candace clears throat)

Phineas: Hey, Candace. Wanna man the omelet station for Mom's birthday?

Candace: I'm doing my own thing. (Phineas and Ferb blinks) What? Are you going to tell them what it is?

Phineas: Sure. Uh, what are you doing?

Candace: It's a secret.

Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?

Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. 17 minutes ago, our spy satellites located Doofenshmirtz. He's hiding out in his mountaintop castle laboratory, where he's purchased some suspicious items over the internet, including a giant metal sphere and two animatronic wax robots, you know, like they have at theme parks. Gosh, those things give me the creeps, the way they're all robotic and waxy? (Shudders)

Perry!

Candace: The boys may have won breakfast, but wait'll Mom sees this homemade birthday card. "Love, the child who loves you most, Candace."

Phineas: All right, Mom. Almost there.

Linda: Oh, this is so exciting.

Phineas: Okay, you can look.

All: Happy birthday!

Linda: (Gasps) What a beautiful breakfast.

Candace: Mom?

Phineas: Made with love.

Buford: And sweat.

Linda: And by "sweat," you mean hard work.

Buford: Uh, sure.

Candace: Mom, this may not be a fantastic breakfast, but—

Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, Mom's birthday card!

(All gasps)

Candace: "To Mom"? Heh. It may be big, but bo-ring.

(Broadway music)

Linda: Oh, boys. I can't believe you two made it yourselves.

(Candace eats the birthday card)

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, The Unicorn Whisperer, the feel-good movie of the year. And soon it will be gone. (Laughs maniacally) Oh, no! It's Perry the Platypus! Ha! I fooled you, Perry the Platypus! I'm not really scared! I'm not scared, because I have a new security system. Voila! Ha ha! Do you like them, Perry the Platypus?

Wax Robots: Get him.

Doofenshmirtz: I got them very cheap from a wax museum that went bankrupt. Ha ha! Ha ha ha! I love it when dreams fail. As you know, I've been trying to take over the Tri-State area for quite some time now, and I realized this Tri-State area's filled with things I detest, so many things, like— (stops at a blinking traffic arrow) like blinking traffic arrows. Stop blinking at me, telling me where to go. Point. Point. Point.

Ooh, I hate you. Let's see--what else? Ear hair. Oh, yes, I've always hated you. Pelicans. Terrible creatures. What—what are you, a bird or a garbage disposal?

Ugh, musical instruments that start with "B". You get the idea. It's a long list. I've been working on it for a while. Anyway, I realized I should build something that would make all those awful things disappear. Behold, Perry the Platypus-- Shrink-spheria!

(Dramatic music)

You like it? I was going to call it a Shrinkinator, but I've done that whole "inator" thing before. It's just been done to death. Bring him over here! I want to show him how it works. I enter the name of something I hate. P-e-l-i-c-a-n. Pelican. And Shrink-spheria homes in on its molecular structure and then turns all the particles into sparticles, thereby shrinking it into a teeny, tiny speck so small I never have to see it again.

So good-bye to you, Perry the Platypus. Enjoy your presidential suite! (Laughs maniacally)

(Door closes)

Phineas: Glad you like the card, Mom.

Ferb: It's a simple postmodern fusion of origami and pop-up.

Phineas: Yeah, and just wait till you see your present. Okay. Stay right there.

Linda: Oh, I hope the boys don't go overboard with my present. All I'd really like is that dress from that cute little sundress shop.

Candace: You mean that really cute one with the polka dots? I know what she wants.

Cute little sundress. Cute little sundress. Cute little sundress.

Doofenshmirtz: Hey, Perry the Platypus, say goodbye to blinking detour signs! Forever! (Laughs maniacally) Yes! I'm an evil genius! Ha ha ha ha! Now I have to wait 4 minutes for it to recharge, which isn't so bad. I think I'll go with pelicans next. What do you think Perry the Platypus? Pelicans next?

Wax George Washington Robot: I cannot tell a lie. I'm melting.

Candace: Cute little sundress. Cute little sundress. Cute little sundress. Cute little sundress. Cute little sundress. Cute little sundress.

(the left point is invisible, the moth van fell into a road hole and the moths are fly away and fly around at the dress)

Doofenshmirtz: Yoo-hoo, Mr. Pelican, I'm going to shrink you now. Hee hee hee hee. Wh-why is it not working? Something's blocking the-- (Rattling) HEY!

Candace: Hey, everybody! Look what—You got to be kidding me.

Phineas: Our first supermodel sports a chic, stylin', notcouture sundress perfect for our birthday queen to sip iced lattes while enjoying a faboo day in the sun.

Candace Hum. Well, they have the wrong sundress. It's okay, but it is not as great as this. AAAAAH!

Linda: Candace? Candace? Where'd she go?

Doofenshmirtz: Ow! Oh, well. Good-bye to musical instruments that starts with "B"!

(Panting)

Candace: Wait a minute! I can still give mom the one thing the boys can't! The gift of music! Played on my good friend: the bass. (Bass guitar disappears) Huh. Oh, well, it's a good thing I play the banjo! (Banjo disappears) It's a good thing I play the bassoon! (Bassoon disappears) It's a good thing I play the bugle! (Bugle disappears) It's a good thing I play the bongos! (Bongos disappears)

Narrator: Five minutes later.

Candace: It's a good thing I play the balalaika! (Balalaika disappears) It's a good thing I play the bagpipe! (Bagpipe disappears) I should've manned the omelet station!

Linda: Candace, honey, come join us. The boys have put together a little video.

Phineas: Yeah. Here, you can do the honors.

Candace: Fine, whatever.

Phineas: (On video) Happy birthday, Mom. From birth, to young adult, to mid-sized adult, from the 80s to the 90s, Mom enchants everyone she meets. But who is this person we call Mom?

Doofenshmirtz: Uhh...

Wax Abraham Lincoln Robot: (Whirring) A house divided cannot stand.

Wax George Washington Robot: Yeah, what he said.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Perry the Platypus, you melted their wax, but you can never melt what's inside—pure evil! Ehh. I should have seen that coming.

Wax Abraham Lincoln Robot: We can't seem to get a break.

Wax George Washington Robot: Your breath smells like candles.

Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

(Mellow music playing)

Linda: Isn’t this wonderful?

Candace: Yeah, really great.

Phineas: (On video) But the true testament to what a great Mom you are, is either your daughter would take the time to write this song.

(Song: I Love You Mom)

Candace: (On video) Mom, it's your birthday

Thanks for all the care and love you give

Phineas: Nice song, sis.

Ferb: (Ding)

Not to mention the meals

And times I get kind of nervous

Phineas: Come on!

And forget to tell you how I feel

Boys: (Shoo-be-doo, shoo-be-doo)

Candace: (Singing with video) I'm a little high-strung

It's just because I'm young

Mom, I adore ya

And I'll do anything for ya!

Although my brothers make me frantic

With every single crazy antic

And when I'm bouncin' off the walls

You're the one who stays calm

Boys: (You're the one who stays calm)

Because you love me for who I am

I'll always love you, Mom!

(Ooh)

(Crowd applauding)

Linda: What a beautiful song, honey! Oh, I only wish Dad could have heard it.

Candace: Well, I really wanted you to have a happy bir--

Phineas: Oh, I almost forgot. We set up a satellite up-link with Dad.

Linda: Ooh, a satellite up-link.

Lawrence: (On screen) Hello, love. Happy birthday.

Linda: Hi, honey, I miss you. And you're missing the festivities. The boys threw me the greatest party. And Candace wrote me this really amazing song. Can you hear me?

Candace: Oh, hey, Perry. Where have you been? You missed all the fun.

(Perry chatters)