The Toddler

(Opens showing the exterior of a mall, zoom in on Wander and Sylvia)

Sylvia: (sighs) All right, Wander, where are we this time?

(Behind shot, they are looking at a giant map. Several alien patrons pass by in the foreground, eventually revealing their silhouettes in front of the map)

Wander: Hmm... "You are here". We're here! (pointing upward) See that red dot? That's us! Right here! (side view, looks at a fuzzy monster) And that guy's over there. Hello!

(The last word is accompanied by him waving his hand quickly. The monster looks at him uneasily and waves back. Front-on view of the two, they look up on the start of the next line)

Sylvia: Ugh, looks like three days to the nearest exit.

(We hear a grumble, Sylvia looks down to see it's coming from her stomach as it ripples)

Sylvia: We're gonna need supplies.

(She looks to the left, camera panning to follow. Stop at a pretzel shop, back to them)

Sylvia: I'll get some grub.

(She walks off, a blue jellybean alien walks by in the background. Wander turns and waves at it as it looks uneasily at him. Two other aliens, one pink one red and in the shape of bowling pins, walk by. Wander waves at them, they too look at him uneasily. Cut to Sylvia at the pretzel shop)

Sylvia: Two, please.

Cashier: Care for some royal sauce, m' lady?

(Close-up on Sylvia)

Sylvia: Nah. (takes pretzels) My pal and I like to keep it – (looks over at Wander holding hands with a giant, pink alien baby) Simple?

(The title appears, freeze-frame. Wander waves)

Sylvia: (walks up to them) Wander, who is–

Wander: (takes the pretzels and shows them to the baby) A big, hungry guy? Is it you? I bet it is!

(The baby grabs one of the pretzels and starts munching it)

Sylvia: Why is he –

Wander: So adorable?! I don't know! He was just wanderin' around all by his lonesome, and so, well, I guess we're a family, now!

(He briefly hugs Sylvia on the last word. Widen to frame the baby as it babbles, Wander gives him the pretzel and he munches it)

Wander: (hugging him) I love you, my Huckleberry Knucklehead!

Sylvia: Huckle... what? Wander, that's definitely not his, or anybody else's name!

(Cut to Wander, still hugging the baby, named "Huckleberry". His hat getting splashed on by his drool)

Wander: He sure looked like a Huckleberry Knucklehead to me!

(Back to Sylvia)

Sylvia: In any case, there's gotta be somebody lookin' for this little... (her perspective of Huckleberry, who squeaks and drools slightly) This guy.

Wander: (sighs sadly, hanging head) You're right. (drool splashes in front of him, talks to Huckleberry, patting his hands) Ya hear that, Huck? (takes his hand) We're gonna get 'chu back to your folks! Isn't that great?

(Excitedly, Huckleberry giggles loudly hugs Wander hard. He puts him down and applauds, Wander is left dazed out with his body frazzled and his eyes spinning in their sockets. He shakes himself conscious and takes Huckleberry's hand)

Sylvia: Okay! Glad the baby's on board! (Narrows eyes) Now... (cut to her perspective, panning through the mall) Look for two freaked-out giants.

(Back to Sylvia who walks out of the scene. Cut to the bottom of the map as she looks up; next to her, Huckleberry sucks on Wander's hat while Wander pats him happily)

Sylvia: All righty then... (pan upwards to a mark showing a yellow star in a blue circle) Mall Security oughta be able to help us find his – (looks over to see that Wander and Huckleberry are gone) Folks?

(We hear giggling and Sylvia looks ahead. Cut to just behind her at a candy store, inside the door, Huckleberry runs excitedly and drops a crate, spilling its components onto the floor. Front-on shot of Sylvia)

Sylvia: (running forward) Oh, no.

(Cut to inside the candy store where Huckleberry is sitting and drooling slightly)

Huckleberry: I like lollipop.

(Right on cue, Wander comes into the scene, arms full of lollipops. Huckleberry coos, and Wander holds a lollipop out. Huckleberry munches at it, briefly covering Wander's arm in drool as he tosses the stick over his shoulder. This occurs three more times, on the fourth, pan over to the door as Sylvia slides in, camera following her. She stops herself before running into the huge pile of lollipop sticks that strangely appeared in less than a second)

Wander: Hiya, Sylvia! Who'd have thunk a baby would like candy so much?

(Close-up on Sylvia as the sticks continue to stack up. At the same time, we hear a cash register ding; after three dings, Sylvia turns around as the camera zooms out slowly to reveal the counter. The cashier presses a button on the register, making it ding one more time and dispense a receipt, before holding her hand out for change. Growling in frustration, Sylvia opens her purse and takes out four different colored dollar bills. Back to Wander and Huckleberry as she walks up to them, stomping on the sticks and making them spill all over the floor)

Sylvia: Wander, we've gotta get this kid to Security to find his parents!

Wander: That's what I'm doin'! The best way to get kids to do what you' want, is to let 'em do whatever they'' want!  (He winks on the end of this, Huckleberry giggles. Wander holds out another lollipop)''

Sylvia: Please. You know what the most important word is with kids? (Wander starts to feed him, she takes the lollipops away) No. And they need to be told no, a lot!

(Huckleberry's mouth begins to quiver)

Wander: Sylvia! (takes lollipops back) You should never say...that, to a baby! (slides up to her and whispers) It hurts their feelings.

(He gets a shocked look and is yanked away; cut to Huckleberry as he begins chewing on Wander's head like a lollipop as he yells indistinctly. Zoom out to frame Sylvia)

Sylvia: Huck, no! No! Bad baby! Bad!

(She successfully yanks him out of his grip; Wander is left covered in drool. Huckleberry's tongue rolls out, dispensing Wander's hat, also covered in drool. Wander takes it and puts it back on his head, then hugs him)

Wander: Goooooood booooy!

Sylvia: That's it, I'm takin' over!

(On the end of this, she yanks Wander away; Huckleberry begins toddling off. Sylvia zips in front of him)

Sylvia: No! We're going to Mall Security right now, mister!

(Huckleberry annoyingly sits down, Sylvia starts off and grabs his hand, but he does not move a bit. She gets pulled back)

Sylvia: Oh, stubborn, huh? Well, guess what? I am, too.

(She proceeds trying to move him in several methods: First, she pushes him. Second, he pul ls his arm. Third, she tries to lift him from the top. Fourth, she tries to push him with her back, followed by her pulling on his head. Finally, she tries to push him with her head against his body. Neither of these attempts are successful to get the annoyed Huckleberry to move, and Sylvia is left panting on his head she falls to the ground and grunts)

Sylvia: All right, kiddo, you've given me no other option.

(Cut to outside the store, Sylvia exits while carrying Huckleberry, grunting and laughing at the same time. Wander follows her, a small alien couple walks by, noticing them. Close-up of them)

Woman: Ugh, we are never having kids.

(Back to the trio)

Sylvia: We're not his parents!!

(On the end of this, the unamused Huckleberry begins to tilt, and she struggles to carry him and keep him upright. Eventually, Huckleberry squishes her; he smiles, giggles and applauds, Wander following suit)

Wander: (babyish) Isn't the big wady a big silly-willy? (Huckleberry applauds, to Sylvia) That's great, Sylvia! You're giving him what he wants: Fun!

(He jumps in front of Huckleberry and applauds with him; he giggles as he walks away. He suddenly sits on Sylvia again before walking off with him. Close-up on the dazed Sylvia, she falls over)

(Cut to Wander and Huckleberry; the former holding his drooling mouth and speaking indistinctly, the latter rubbing his hands together. He looks to the right, camera panning to follow. Zoom through the mall until we stop at the Mall Security stand; back to Wander, who scratches his chin. Pause)

Wander: Ding!

(He slowly reaches his foot out of view and zips off. Pan over to Huckleberry)

Wander: (offscreen, singsong) Oh, Huckleberry Knucklehead? (Huckleberry gasps) Over here!

(Pan over to an alien janitor dipping a mop in a bucket. Wander pops out of his beard; zoom in slowly)

Wander: Peek-a-boo!

(Wide shot, Huckleberry giggles and rushes up to him before he jumps out of the beard and runs off. Huckleberry slams into the janitor, causing him to drop his mop and get dunked in the bucket. He comes out, and the mop lands on his head. Cut to Huckleberry running, he stops outside a clothing store. Wander pops up in one of the dresses on display)

Wander: Peek-a-boo!

(Again, Huckleberry giggles. Wander comes out of the store and runs away while Huckleberry chases him. Brief shot of the roof and pan down to the mall's food court. Wander rushes between two patrons, Huckleberry follows, knocking them away. Cut to a close-up of a patron about to eat a sub sandwich as Huckleberry comes up, camera zooming out to frame him. Wander pops out of the sandwich, sending its condiments flying) Wander: PEEK-A-BOO!!

(He zips off, and Huckleberry follows him, giggling. He rushes past the patron, causing him to spin in mid-air and fall down. He stands back up and glances at the action, before looking to notice the condiments of his sandwich fly back onto the bottom bun. He shrugs, then continues eating. Cut to Wander as he hops into view and hears babbling; pan over to Huckleberry coming up down the hallway. A wider view of Wander shows he is at the Mall Security stand, Sylvia is there. He runs past her and jumps into a trash can next to her; front-on view as he pops out, hat and body covered in garbage)

Wander: See, Sylvia? All it took was a little fun and games, and now I got him right where I want 'im.

(He goes back inside the can; cut to behind Sylvia's shoulder as Huckleberry approaches. Back to front-on view, he peeks out, the beginning of his next line is delivered in a whisper)

Wander: Shh, don't spoil the surprise! (Goes back inside the can, stands up, lid on head) Peek-a – (widen to frame Huckleberry's not here) Boo?

(Cut to a close-up of his staring face, he looks aside. Cut to the entrance of an elevator; the door is open, and Huckleberry is inside, among a crowd of frightened patrons)

Huckleberry: Peek-a-boo! (doors close)

(Camera follows Wander and Sylvia as they zip by and up an escalator, the former now clean. Cut to a portion of the escalator as Wander works by, bumping the patrons out of the way. Huckleberry rides the elevator in the background)

Wander: Oop! Ha! 'Xcuse me! Parfon! I'm sorry! I know I'm doin' it wrong, ha!

(Sylvia follows after him, bowling all the patrons to the ground. Cut to the elevator as Wander and Sylvia run up, a ding sounds, and the doors open to let baby drool wash out. The patrons exit the elevator, bodies entirely coated in drool. Wander and Sylvia rush into the elevator; a front-on view shows Huckleberry's not there)

Sylvia: Uh-oh!

(We hear a crowd screaming; quick pan to ground level of the lower level. A crowd of patrons rush past the camera, and Huckleberry follows, speaking indistinctly. His perspective of a group of patrons as his shadow looms into view. They scream and run off; Cut to Wander and Sylvia running)

Wander: Huckleberry Knucklehead!!!

Sylvia: Still not a real name!!!

(Cut to a fountain where several teenage aliens are playing with their electronics. Huckleberry babbles and jumps into the fountain, causing the aliens to be knocked out of the way. He gives himself a little cheer; cut to Wander and Sylvia as they run in the other direction)

Wander: HUUUUCKLLLLEBERRRRRYYYY!!!

(Cut to Huckleberry, cooing and swatting at three toy helicopters. He smacks them, camera following them to the front of a toy store, Toy-O. They crash at their controllers' feet, exploding. Cut to a close-up of two ice drinks – one orange, one blue – the body colors of Wander and Sylvia – as they bounce and jiggle to the sound of Huckleberry's footsteps a la Godzilla. Zoom out showing a ice drink stand with four patrons surrounding it; they too bounce in the air at the footsteps. Three of them run off; cut to a close-up of the patron drinking his drink as Huckleberry walks up. He looks up and shivers in fear while holding out his drink for him as the camera zooms out to frame Huckleberry)

Huckleberry: Mmm!

(Instead, he grabs the entire tank for the orange drink and glugs it down. He suddenly stops and cringes as he lets the tank drop; cut to a railing as Huckleberry runs up and spits out the drink, before rubbing his tongue. Cut to Wander and Sylvia, the drink spills all over them, and they are orange all over)

Sylvia: Ohhhh!!!

Wander: (licks arm) Roarin' Orange. (he and Sylvia jump) Back upstairs! (points) Sam's Slooshy Stand! (they rush off)

(Cut to a burger shop; three patrons stand in front of it. They stare in shock at hearing Huckleberry's footsteps and run off, camera zooms forwards and jumps slightly while Huckleberry's shadow comes into view. Two patrons inside the shop stare in horror; cut to inside the shop as Huckleberry licks the window. Cut back outside, Huckleberry detaches his tongue and notices something. Zoom out to show a baby in a pram, shaking a rattle. Back to Huckleberry as he giggles and walks off, brief ground level of him as he starts to approach the baby and its mother. Cut to an area of the mall as Wander and Sylvia rush up, normal colors restored)

Sylvia: There he is!

Wander: He's socializing so well!

(Close-up of Sylvia as she glares. Cut to Huckleberry running; he giggles, and Sylvia clomps onto the back of his head)

Sylvia: Huck, no! (Wander joins her)

Wander: Sylvia, we can resolve this without stifling his creativity!

Sylvia: D'oh! Wander, you're not helping!

(She looks up to see a restroom direction sign coming towards her. Close-up, zooming in quickly before cutting to side view as her head hits the sign, causing her to be released from Huckleberry as Wander flies off her back. She falls down moments later)

(Cut to the baby's pram with the rattle sticking out, Huckleberry peeks in and babbles. He reaches toward the rattle, but it smacks him in the face. Front-on close-up of him as his eyes tear and his mouth quivers, before raising his hand; Quick series of close-ups of the baby, its mother, Wander and Sylvia as they respectively gasp. Side view, Huckleberry sadly sits down and Wander attempts to calm him, but he lets out a cry so loud, that vibrations reverberate from his mouth and knock Wander away. He floats to Sylvia and both hold onto the ground. Cut to a wide shot as mall patrons are flung away and Wander and Sylvia slide up. Zoom in on them as the crying finally dies down; both Wander's fur and Sylvia's mane are standing up on end)

Wander: That's ma' boy! What a set of pipes!

(Cut to Huckleberry's streaming face and pan downwards to a patron slipping in a puddle of his tears. After he slips out of frame and crashes, cut to a wide shot as Wander and Sylvia walk up, fur and mane back to normal. The mother comes by, rolling the pram at the same time)

Mother: You two are horrible parents! Learn how to control your kid! (exits, cut to Wander)

Wander: (gasps, attempts to run off but Sylvia stops him) YOU TAKE THAT BACK! HE IS A PERFECT LITTLE ANGEL!

Sylvia: HE'S NOT OUR KID!!

(Back to Huckleberry, who rubs his eyes and falls over. Back on Wander and Sylvia as Huckleberry leans against her, zoom out slowly)

Sylvia: What? What-what's happening? What does it want?

Wander: Aww, poor little fella, he's all tuckered out. (close-up) He wants some comfort, Sylvia.

(Widen to frame Sylvia hugging Huckleberry)

Sylvia: Um... (pats his back) how ya doin'? (he burps, then falls asleep on top of her. Close-up) Well, this is unpleasant. (notices something, raises head) Wander, Wander, look! (her perspective of Mall Security, showing two aliens that look very similar to Huckleberry, one black haired, one blonde) Our prayers have been answered. (cut to just between their arms) HEY! WE FOUND YOUR KID!

(Close-up on them; their lines are spoken in whispers until further notice)

Wander: Shh! Sylvia, you'll wake him up!

(She lifts her head, close-up)

Sylvia: Good! If you stopped coddling him, and took charge for once, he might listen long enough, (pan downwards to Huckleberry) so we could get him to Security, (now offscreen) and find his flarf-narbling parents!

(Huckleberry opens his eyes, which gradually begin to tear)

Wander: (offscreen) Well, if you stopped being so strict, and did something fun for once, he might listen long enough, so we could – (imitates her) get him to Security, and find his flarf-narbling parents! (back on them, normal voice) And I highly doubt that they narble flarfs, IMHO!

Sylvia: (scoffs) I didn't mean that they literally narbled flarfs! That's impossible! It's a figure of –

(They snap to the sound of loud crying; zoom out as Huckleberry runs off, tears pouring out of his eyes like a fountain, leaving puddles on the floor)

Wander: Now, look what you've done!

Sylvia: Me?! You were the one who – why are we still whispering?

Wander: I'm not entirely sure!

(They jump, then run off)

(Cut to a hallway as Huckleberry runs down, the patrons slipping on his tear puddles. Wander and Sylvia follow after; Cut to a line of patrons as tears splash all over them. Zoom out slowly as Wander and Sylvia run past. Cut to a long shot of Huckleberry comes up and runs up an escalator, camera following as he crams into the patrons on it. Cut to a long shot of the level where several wet patrons sit at; Wander and Sylvia come up the escalator and run into view. They screech to a halt; widen to frame Huckleberry close to a ledge, pulling out slowly to reveal the lower level. Side view of Wander and Sylvia as they advance slowly; their whispering sounds slightly louder on the next two lines)

Wander: Don't worry, Huckleberry, Mee-maw and Pee-paw are just havin' a disagreement.

Sylvia: We're not his parents!

(Cut to behind their shoulders, Huckleberry whimpers and backs away. He slips; cut to behind him as he lands on his butt, crushing the ledge slightly. Brief shot of the patrons on the lower level as they scream, then pan upwards to the mall clock which sports a child's face. It chimes 3:00; cut back to Huckleberry as he notices it)

Huckleberry: (reaching out) Lolly!

(Cut to Sylvia as she covers her eyes and gasps in horror; normal speaking volume resumes at this point)

Wander: (offscreen) Huckleberry Knucklehead!

(She uncovers her eyes; camera zooms out and pans to the right revealing a stern Wander. Zoom in on his face)

Wander: NO!

(On Huckleberry, who stops reaching out and sits up. Cut to a side view of Wander and Sylvia's heads, the latter lets her eyes flick back and forth before she smiles. Front-on view of them)

Sylvia: (babyish, picking Wander up) Ooh! Look, Huckleberry Knucklehead, a lolly!

(On Huckleberry, who straightens himself. He blinks twice, then leans back over the ledge; breif shot of the screaming patrons. Back on Huckleberry, he straightens himself, then leans back again. Cut back to the patrons, then back to Huckleberry, he leaps to his feet. Brief shot of the patrons as they cheer, then cut to a long shot as Sylvia leads Huckleberry away)

(Cut to an area of the mall as Sylvia guides Huckleberry down, Wander in hand)

Sylvia: (babyish) Yes! Yes! Come get your furry lolly!

Huckleberry: I do lick lollipop. (attempts to reach for Wander)

Wander: No, not yet. You can lick my head later.

Sylvia: (babyish) Yes! We're almost there!

(The last sentence is spoken in singsong. Cut to the Mall Security stand where the lookalikes are seen, panning left slightly as Sylvia leads Huckleberry toward it)

Wander: Da-da-da-da! Not yet!

Sylvia: (to the lookalikes) Sir, Madame, no need to thank us, but we found your son!

(Close-up of the lookalikes as they turn around, revealing themselves to be teenage girls. Needle scratch, they blink twice)

Left girl: Oh my grop, Stacy! She thinks I'm someone's dad!

Stacy: Eww! We just came to see if someone turned in my phone! We're not even grown-ups!

(Wide shot)

Girls: Gross! (they leave)

Teenagers, yeah

Sylvia: But, I don't under...

(Two small bugs hop up to them. Close-up of them, the male bug has a blue body with light blue spots, the female's has purple stripes)

Male bug: Oh, thank grop! There you are!

Female bug: We've been looking all over for you!

(Cut to just between them)

Huckleberry: Mama! Dada!

(Close-up of him as he brings the bugs into view and they kiss him. Widen to frame Wander and Sylvia)

Sylvia: W-wait. Those are his –

Female bug: Where have you been, Huckleberry Knucklehead?

Sylvia: And that's really his –

(Cut to Huckleberry)

Mrs. Knucklehead: You had us worried sick!

Mr. Knucklehead: Now, don't be too hard on him, dear. (to Huckleberry) Are you hungry, thirsty, overtired, undertired? How's about a game of "Got your nose"?

(Wide shot)

Sylvia: Well, buh-bye, kid. (to Wander) Come on, Wander, let's go.

(Pause, close-up of them)

Wander: Can I...say goodbye?

(Sylvia nods, and he smiles. Wide shot as Huckleberry puts his bug parents down and hugs Wander. Close-up on the bugs)

Mrs. Knucklehead: Oh, I hope it wasn't too much trouble getting him over here! He can be a bit of a handful!

(Zoom out as Sylvia peeks her head into view)

Sylvia: No problem at all. It was easy as taking candy from a –

(We hear a gulping sound; widen to frame Huckleberry with Wander's head in his mouth)

Sylvia: DROP IT!!!

(Snap to black)