The Cohabitation Experimentation


 * Amy: There was water everywhere. It was such a mess.
 * Leonard: That stinks. How long are you out of the apartment?
 * Amy: About five weeks.
 * Penny: Ugh, did you lose anything valuable.
 * Amy: Well, the pipe was over my closet so all my clothes are gone.
 * Penny: Oh, so nothing. Great. Do they know what caused it?
 * Amy: They didn’t say.
 * Leonard: Buildings that have a combination of copper and galvanized steel are susceptible to pinholes and corrosion caused by the mobility of ions in water. [Women glare at him.] Can’t have your head shoved in a toilet as much as I did and not pick up a few things about plumbing.
 * Penny: Well, if you need a place to crash, you can stay with us.
 * Amy: Really?
 * Penny: Of course. You can stay in Leonard’s room and we’ll stay at my place.
 * Amy: You sure that’s not an inconvenience?
 * Penny: No. Not at all.
 * Leonard: And we live with Sheldon, so the word “inconvenience” has really lost all meaning.
 * Amy: So technically I’d be moving in with my boyfriend?
 * Penny: I guess so. I’d finally get to live alone with my husband.
 * Amy: Oh my, this is a big step.
 * Leonard: Yeah. For the two of us, it’s a step in the right direction.
 * Sheldon: [Everyone is grinning at Sheldon] Why are you all smiling like crazy people?


 * Sheldon: Cohabitation with my girlfriend? That’s a great deal to process. Hmm.
 * Penny: It’s only for five weeks. And we’ll be right across the hall.
 * Amy: What do you think?
 * Sheldon: I don’t know. What if living together kills the romance?
 * Penny: Okay, you guys only had sex only one whole time. Nothing can put a fire out like that.
 * Sheldon: Yeah, but what happens when he get a peek behind the curtain? I mean, she has never seen me unshaven.
 * Leonard: You just shaved yesterday. You’re good for three months.
 * Amy: Sheldon, I understand your apprehension, but let me appeal to the scientist in you. Given the five-week end date, isn’t this the perfect opportunity consider this an experiment and collect data on our compatibility?
 * Sheldon: Don’t try luring me in with “sexy talk”.
 * Leonard: Okay. Star Trek: the Original series. The Enterprise was on a five-year mission to explore new worlds. Think of this as your own personal five-week mission to do the same.
 * Sheldon: If you want to lure me in with “sexy talk”, that’s how you do it.
 * (Leonard smiles)
 * Penny: Don’t be that proud of that.
 * Amy: So is that a yes?
 * Sheldon: Not yet I…How will I learn if I’m comfortable with Amy or just comfortable because I’m in my own apartment? Now if this experiment is going to be valid, I suggest a neutral environment.
 * Penny: Well, where would you go?
 * Sheldon: Well, ideally an enclosed self-sustaining biodome in New Mexico. Where we would eat crops fertilized by our own wastes.
 * Leonard: And you were worried about the romance!
 * Penny: Wait. Why don’t you guys stay across the hall, and we live here?
 * Sheldon: Interesting. If my official residence is the hall, I wonder if I need to knock every time come over here?
 * Leonard: That’s a good question. Maybe just don’t come over.
 * Sheldon: Historically I don’t do well with change.
 * Penny: Okay, it won’t be that bad. We wouldn’t even sit in your spot while you’re gone.
 * Sheldon: You’re darn right, you won’t. No matter where I am this will always be my spot. Like an embassy in a foreign country, this seat is the sovereign soil of my bottom.
 * Leonard: Just nod and smile. He’s almost gone.
 * Amy: Sheldon, what do you think?
 * Sheldon: [Sighs.] Very well, I’m on board.
 * Amy: Seriously?
 * Sheldon: Yes. I accept the five-week mission to share a living space with my girlfriend.
 * Amy: Oh, this is so exciting! [Amy hugs Sheldon.]
 * Sheldon: Well, now don’t be surprised, if like Star Trek, it is cancelled in three.


 * Bernadette: It would help if you would stop telling me that I have a textbook cervix.


 * Amy: You and I are going to be sharing a bed. You know, this is uncharted territory for both of us. How are you feeling about that?
 * Sheldon: Oh, excited, concerned, a little scared. All the small emotions I feel in the line at Space Mountain.
 * Amy: Well if you’re nervous about the sleeping arrangements, maybe we should talk about it.
 * Sheldon: Okay. Talk.
 * Amy: Well, I imagine one of your concerns might be coital expectations.
 * Sheldon: No foreplay or anything, just get right to it.
 * Amy: Look, I know this experiment is a big step outside of your comfort zone. So why don’t we take being physical off the table and maybe later once we’re more settled in it we can revisit it.
 * Sheldon: You’ll really okay with that?
 * Amy: I’ve never lived with anyone, either. This is a lot for me, too.
 * Sheldon: [sighs.] This is such a relief. Honestly, if it didn’t get you all worked up, I’d kiss you right now.
 * Amy: Good call. Seeing your Teen Titans underwear really got my motor running.
 * Sheldon: I know. They probably shouldn’t sell those to children.


 * Amy: Well, that’s it. For the next five-weeks we are officially living together.
 * Sheldon: I guess the experiment begin.
 * Penny: [Through the door.] We did it!
 * Leonard: [Through the door.] Yeah!


 * Sheldon: Which side of the bed would you prefer?
 * Amy: Doesn’t matter to me. Your choice.
 * Sheldon: No, no. We’re living together now. Everything’s equal. You know. I have a tendency to be controlling so I’d rather have you choose.
 * Amy: Well, Sheldon, I really appreciate that, but these things mean more to you so whatever you want.
 * Sheldon: Well, clearly it’s not whatever I want for what I want is for you to make this decision and you refuse to do that.
 * Amy: I am not refusing. I’m just trying to be considerate.
 * Sheldon: Like the time you got me those shoes with the wheels on the bottom then you watched me roll into traffic.
 * Amy: Sheldon, would you please pick a side.
 * Sheldon: Fine. [Sighs.] Okay on this side I am closer to the exit in case of emergency.
 * Amy: Great. That will be your side.
 * Sheldon: No, but know I am also closer to the entrance in case of attack.
 * Amy: Okay, I’ll take that side.
 * Sheldon: And again then the odds of somebody attacking me?
 * Amy: Rising rapidly.
 * Sheldon: Now this side offers me proximity to the bathroom, but I am closer to the window where perverts can watch me sleep.
 * Amy: Okay. What if we do this? [Closes drapes.]
 * Sheldon: I suppose that works.
 * Amy: Great.
 * Sheldon: Although, now I’m worried someone is hiding behind the drapes.


 * Sheldon: Okay, well, I’m sorry. I’m just worried about my sensitivity to temperature could make this a rough night. And no offense, but your bottom radiates enough heat, I’m surprised there are not iguanas lying on it.


 * Amy: I’m so sore. I don’t think I slept two minutes last night.
 * Penny: (smiles) Yeah! Get it, girl.
 * Amy: It’s not what you think.
 * Leonard: I feel like I pulled something. Why didn’t you tell me to stop?
 * Penny: Even more not what you think.
 * Amy: I don’t think I can make though five weeks of living with him.
 * Leonard: If you ever need a break, the owner of the train store will you let you leave him there while you get coffee.
 * Penny: Yeah.
 * Sheldon: Good morning, everybody. See. I didn’t knock, but its fine. I didn’t knock, but its fine. I didn’t knock, but its fine. So, how is everyone?
 * Amy: Miserable and exhausted.
 * Sheldon: Really? I slept great.
 * Amy: Well, I didn’t and it’s your fault.
 * Sheldon: How? You had the whole floor to yourself.
 * Amy: Maybe living together is a bad idea.
 * Sheldon: Well, yeah. But what kind of scientists would we be drawing a conclusion after only 12 hours of data.
 * Amy: The kind that almost put a pillow over your face last night.
 * Sheldon: Wow. I anticipated that we’d have problems, but I never thought your scientific rigor would be one of them.
 * Amy: I’m sorry, are you questioning my integrity as a scientist?
 * Sheldon: If the lab room disposable cover fits.
 * Penny: Was that a science diss?
 * Leonard: Yeah.
 * Penny: Was it a good one?
 * Leonard: Eh.
 * Penny: Ah.
 * Amy: What would a theoretical physicist understand an experiment anyway? I mean, you wouldn’t even know a confounding variable if two of them hit you in the face at the same time. And you don’t even get that joke because you don’t work with confounding variables.
 * Sheldon: How dare you!
 * Amy: Oh, you heard me. Your experimental bona fides are laughable.
 * Sheldon: Whoa, whoa. Now you’re making fun of my bona fides!
 * Amy: Can’t make fun of a null set.
 * Penny: I feel like I should say “Damn”.
 * Leonard: Do it.
 * Penny: Damn!
 * Sheldon: Well, if you’re so protective of the scientific method, perhaps we should see the next five weeks through to finish what we started.
 * Amy: Well, for science, maybe I will.
 * Sheldon: For science, maybe you should.
 * Amy: Fine.
 * Sheldon: Fine.
 * Amy: Good.
 * Sheldon: Great.
 * Amy: Do you want to go to our place and make out?
 * Sheldon: Does Stephen Hawking roll though the quad? [They leave.]
 * Penny: The new neighbors are weird.