Cruisin'

This is the transcript for the episode Cruisin'.

Transcript
(The episode begins with Mordecai and Rigby watching a movie at the coffee shop)

TV Announcer: Now, back to Crime Scene Detective Cops 2!

(guys on the TV drive up to some ladies)

Cop 1: (sounds like Mordecai) Hey, ladies. Did you happen to catch our license plate? It's missing some numbers!

Cop 2: (sounds like Rigby) Your numbers. How 'bout it, ladies?

(the girls chuckle)

Blonde Girl: (takes out sheet) Here!

Cop 1: And that's how you get a chick's number.

Cop 2: Aw, yeah! Cruisin'!

(everyone in the movie laughs, then, freezeframes to show the caption "end." Margaret and Eileen aren't impressed)

Margaret and Eileen: What?!

Rigby: Whoa. That was awesome!

Margaret: I can't believe you think that's cool!

Eileen: Yeah! That movie was chauvinistic, and also, inaccurate.

Mordecai: I don't know. I heard that movie was based on a true story.

Rigby: If this movie has taught us anything, and it definitely has, you only need one thing to get a girl's number. (sign-languages driving) A sweet ride.

Eileen: I mean, Not necessarily. You could just, you know, ask a girl for it, Rigby.

Rigby: (startles Eileen) Eileen, don't be so naive! That would never work!

Mordecai: Rigby's right. It's a known fact that wheels make you more attractive.

Rigby: A known fact! I don't know how many times I've almost gotten a girl's number, then some guy in a muscle car would sweep in and totally ruin my game.

(Margaret and Eileen laugh)

Margaret: Guys. You're kidding, right?

Mordecai: Are you saying you wouldn't give us your number if we pulled up in some cool wheels?

Margaret: You dorks would never be able to get a girl's number cruising.

Mordecai: Oh yeah?

Margaret: (Puts hands on the table and stares into Mordecai's eyes): Yeah.

Rigby: (hops up to table): Let's bet on it!

Margaret: Okay. How about dinner? If you guys get a girl's number by cruising by the end of the day-

Eileen: -which you won't-

Margaret: -we'll pay for it. But if you don't,-

Eileen: -hope you can afford Lobster and Filet Mignon, guys.

Mordecai: We accept your challenge.

Rigby: I hope you guys can afford Unlimited Corn-Dog bar.

Margaret: Well gentlemen, good luck.

(Margaret and Eileen chuckle and walk away)

Mordecai: Whoa, did you just see that? They were totally flirting with us.

Rigby: Flirt? Is that wha-? Wait a minute... nah.

Mordecai: Dude they know were gonna win. They're just playing hard to get.

Rigby: But aren't we cruising for two different girls numbers?

Mordecai: Well yeah, but that's just for show.

Rigby: I thought women were supposed to be directive about what they want.

Mordecai: Ha ha. You'll learn someday dude.

Rigby: Whatever man, I'm just in it for the free meal.

(Cuts to the next scene where a lot of men cruising for women to get their numbers; then Mordecai and Rigby come to the scene with the golf cart)

Mordecai: Hmm hmm. Get some digits, get some dinner! (Mordecai and Rigby chuckle)

(Margaret and Eileen come to scene)

Margaret: Oh, look who it is.

Mordecai: Ladies.

Eileen: Since we get to choose where to go to dinner when we win, how does I'n Costosos sound?

Rigby: Wait, isn't that the pricy place with napkins?

Eileen: The real fancy ones yeah.

Mordecai: Sure. Il Costosos.

Rigby: Yeah sounds good.

Margaret: Perfect. Oh and can we bring our dates too?

Mordecai: Dates?

Margaret: Yeah, losers buys dinner for the winners, and their dates. That cool?

Mordecai: Yeah. Totally. Totally cool.

Margaret: Awesome. Well see you guys.

Rigby: Dude we can't afford that.

Mordecai: Dude, we got to win this bet. I don't want to be the third wheel on Margaret and her date.

Rigby: Well then let's get these wheels a flowing, and gets chick's numbers a flowing. (Turns on the music)

(Mordecai and Rigby find three chicks and impress them with their "Sweet" ride, but they laugh and walk away. They find another chick who has a piece of paper and a pencil, and writes her number to them, but it was actually for an another guy on his ride. They find another chick and Mordecai and Rigby try to impress her, but she runs away, jumps on a car, and hangs on to a helicopter and flies away.)

Mordecai: Aw what? Dude this isn't working.

Rigby: Yeah, the movie made it look so easy.

(They see two girls getting a ride with two other dudes)

Scabitha: Whoooo hooo.

Trash: Nice cart losers.

Scabitha: Yeah good luck getting girls numbers riding in that.

Mordecai: We gotta get a better ride.

(Skips to the park, where Pops is washing his car.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Hey Pops.

Pops: Why hello gentlemen. What brings you here?

Mordecai: Can we borrow your car Pops?

Pops: Why whatever for?

Rigby: We need it to win a bet.

Pops: (Laughs) Oh a wager! I simply adore a good wager. And so does Carmenita.

Rigby: Wha-?

Pops: That's her name.

Mordecai: Awesome.

Rigby: Thanks Pops. (Mordecai and Rigby now jump into the car.)

Mordecai: Aw cool.

Rigby: So cool.

Pops: Now Mordecai, you do know how to drive stick right?

Mordecai: Of course. Uh...

Rigby: What are these gears?

Pops: Those are Carmenita's special gears. I advise you not to touch them. Carmenita's special parts should only be manipulated by a professional.

Mordecai: Don't worry Pops. We'll just win the bet, and we'll be right back. See ya. (Drive off)

Pops: Bye!

(Skips to next to scene back to the Two Peaks mall parking lot.)

Rigby: Yo Margaret and Eileen, feast your eyes on our sweet ride. Prepare to taste defeat ladies.

Margaret: You know what I'm prepare to taste? (The girls get a menu of In Costosdos)

Eileen: Baltic sea scalops with red wine reduction, $35.

Margaret: Or Co braised short ribs alie go leaf. $41.

Mordecai: Your fill up on bread.

Margaret: You mean the rustic artisic cheese bread ported from France. That's $15.

(Mordecai and Rigby get frustrated; then two guys show up.)

Guy #1: Hey are these guys bothering you Margaret?

Guy #2: How 'bout you Eileen?

Margaret: Oh no no no no. Mordecai, Chad "Ironchest."

Eileen: Rigby, Tuck Packerd.

Chad: Mordecai & Rigby? These are the guys? I just want to thank you bros. I mean paying for a four star meal for the four of us? Guys seriously.

Mordecai & Rigby: Agh! (drive off)

Mordecai: Must...get...girls...numbers. (Spot girls) Uh hi. Uh we lost our numbers.

Rigby: Can—can we have yours?

Girl #1: You got to be kidding me.

Mordecai and Rigby: Agh! (Spot another girl)

Mordecai: Uh so ladies, do you--? I mean are you angels cause-- (The girls leave)

Mordecai and Rigby: Agh! (Spot another girl)

Rigby: We really need to win a bet, and-- (The girl laughs and walks away)

Mordecai & Rigby: Agh!

(Goes to the next scene)

Mordecai: This is bad dude. Just think. What else besides a cool car those dudes in the movie had? I got it, self-confidence! I mean look at your face.

Rigby: (Depressed look) What's wrong with my face?

Mordecai: Your face is desperate dude. Follow my lead. (Puts on a confident look)

Rigby: Whoa. (Puts on a confident look as well) (Long pause) Dude, this isn't gonna work. No human ever makes this face.

(The two girls a few scenes ago come in and gets in Mordecai and Rigby's car.)

Trash: Hey what's up?

Mordecai and Rigby: Uh hey.

Trash: We were just walking by, and notice how confident you guys looked.

Scabitha: Yeah, could you give us a ride?

Mordecai: Uh sure.

(We see another car with the two dudes that were with the girls a few scenes ago and they look frustrated)

Rigby: I'm Rigby, and this is Mordecai. What are your names?

Trash: My name's Trash.

Scabitha: Scabitha.

Rigby: Oh, ha. Those are pretty names. (Whispers to Mordecai) These girls are making me feel uncomfortable.

Mordecai: (Whispers to Rigby) We just need their numbers, man. Seal the deal.

Rigby: So, how do you guys feel about phones?

Trash: Are they following us yet?