A Knight's Tail

Setting: Astoria Kingdom courtyard.

King: Welcome to the "Astorian Fish Gut Grab".

(People cheer in excitement).

King: Every year, I bring good luck to our fishing season by searching for a worm in a tub of disgusting fish guts.

(People cheer in excitement).

Arc: Oh, that's why it smells like an ocean's butt!

Ciara: (laughing) The king always pukes before he finds the worm. It's hilarious!

King: I'm sure you'll all eager to watch me barf.

(People cheer at the King's response)

King: But it doesn't matter what you want. I'm the king. So I'll be digging a gummy worm out of pudding instead.

(People booing at the King's response)

Arc: (disappointed tone) No puking? Of course this happens the year I show up.

King: Take these guts away and fetch my pudding tub.

The assistants carry the tub of pudding and leave with it.

Prudence: If he's not heaving, this giant's leaving.

Warwick: Me, too. The new "Combat Cards" are coming out today at the "Tasty Trunk".

Ciara: Combat Cards? The last time you guys played that game, you got into a huge fight.

Arc: Yeah, I heard about that. The back of the castle still has a Warwick-shaped hole.

Warwick: My bones healed, and so did our friendship.

Prudence: See, our mistake was playing against each other, so we agreed to never do that again.

Warwick: More than agree, we made a Phoenix swear.

Warwick and Prudence joined hands together, waved them in a flapping-bird motion.

Warwick and Prudence: Phoenix swear! (echo) Swear, swear, swear, swear.

Arc: Do you Phoenix swear never to do that again?

Prudence: Come on, Friend. Let's go enjoy an afternoon destroying other people.

Warwick: Or, we can take the shortcut through the Warwick-shaped hole.

King: Ah! (Chuckles) The pudding has arrived. Behold the sweet and delicious...

One of the King's assistants lifts the cover off the tub, only to find the tub being filled with rice pudding.

King: Rice pudding? That's like the fish guts of pudding. (cries out) Princess?! I need you to dig through this yucky pudding.

Ciara drags Arc away from the festivities.

Ciara: I can't put my hands in that pudding.

Arc: Of course not. You need a pudding straw.

Ciara: (worried) If I dig through that slimy stuff, I could lose my pixie ring. Arc, that cannot happen!

Arc: Are you asking me to hold your magic ring? Because, uh, (yells) YEAH!

King: Princess? (feels sick to his stomach) Oh, no. It's happening.

(People cheer in anticipation).

Ciara walks offscreen. After touching her ring, (SFX: Magic whooshing) she re-emerges as the Princess, wearing a blue gown. [NOTE: Ciara, while in her princess state after touching the ring, will just now on be referred to as "Princess"]

King: What is wrong with you people?

Princess: (holding the ring) There's no time to explain. But whatever you do, don't use the ring. Got it?

Arc: Got it. Just go.

The Princess walks off.

Arc: (holds the ring) Well, well, well. What do we have--

Princess walks back.

Princess: Don't even think about it!

Princess walks back out.

Arc: You don't know me!

Arc turns to the ring he's holding in his hand.

Arc: She knows me.



Setting: Inside The Tasty Trunk, a restaurant situated on a tree's trunk. Prudence is playing a game of Combat Cards.

When Prudy sets her Combat Card down on the table, the character on the card, Jenny the Giant magically appears on top of the card. After, her partner's card character, a small man wearing armor wielding a battle axe, known as a battle gnome magically appears on top of his card.

Jenny the Giant: (yells)

Then her partner sets his card on the table. His card's character, a small man wearing armor wielding a battle axe, known as a battle gnome magically appears on top of his card.

Battle Gnome: (grunts) Hyah!

Prudence: A battle gnome? Ha! That's no match for Jenny the Giant's hammer smash.

The Jenny the Giant character smacks the battle gnome in the groin, knocking him down. Jenny makes a victory pose.

Prudence: Oh, come on! Get it together, Jenny!

The characters disappear from the cards.

At the table behind Prudence, Warwick is also playing Combat Cards. His partner sets her Combat Card down on the table and the character on her card, a mermaid magically appears on top of the card.

Warwick: All right, Mermaid. Say hello to Willy the Wizard.

Warwick sets his Combat Card down on the table and the character on his card, a wizard named Willy magically appears on top of the card.

Willy sets off a magic blast from his hand. As he shoots, the mermaid hits it. After it bounces off the tail, it knocks Willy out. The mermaid finishes off the battle with her tail hitting Willy before the characters disappear off their cards.

Warwick: (groaning) Why, Willy, why? (turns to Prudence) My lousy cards lose every time.

Prudence: I hear ya. (to her cards) I'm gonna shuffle the snot out of you!

Sir Gareth walks in.

Sir Gareth: Welcome, nerds! I know you're all here for the release of the newest line of Combat Cards. But we have a very special surprise.

The Tasty Trunk was filled with oohs.

Sir Gareth: One of these packs contains the exclusive, unbeatable, two-handed Sir Gareth card.

He hands three packs to three tables.

All: Wow!

Sir Gareth: Yeah, I know. Back in the day, I used one hand for slaying dragons and one hand for fighting off the ladies.

Warwick: An unbeatable combat card? Prudy, if one of us gets that, we could actually win.

Prudence: Oh, man. I just know we're gonna get it!

Cut to the table behind Warwick. Sitting there were Sage and Buttercup, from Phoenix Squad's rivals, the Kraken Squad.

Buttercup: (excited gasping) I got it!

The guests rush to the table. Buttercup sets the Combat Card down on the table and a long-haired Sir Gareth magically appears on top of the card.

Buttercup: Look, it's Sir Gareth before life broke him! (giggles)

Sage: And before Tammy the Tiny yanked his hair out. (She and Sir Gareth chuckle)

Sir Gareth: It took me 10 years to grow it. And it took her 10 seconds to rip it from my scalp.

Prudence: Buttercup, can I please hold the card?

Buttercup nods her head. As Prudy tries to get the card, Sage stops her.

Sage: No! You cannot hold anything. You'll get your loser juice all over it.

Warwick: What about me?

Sage: You are even juicier. Now scram!

Warwick and Prudy leave. The long-haired Sir Gareth disappears from the card. A smiling Buttercup picks up the card.

Sage: Did you see that?

Buttercup: (happy-sounding voice) Yeah. Prudy got a new vest! It's adorable.

Sage: No, Prudence and Warwick can't keep their eyes off this card.

Buttercup: You think so?

Sage points to the window. Buttercup turns her head.

Cut to Warwick and Prudy looking out the window, listening to Buttercup and Sage's conversation.

(Back with Buttercup and Sage) Sage: Don't you remember the last time those two played each other in Combat Cards?

Buttercup: (giggly) No. But I remember to not look up when it's raining so water doesn't get up my nose. (giggles)

Sage: They got into a fight. We can use this card to get them fighting again and split the Phoenix Squad apart.

Buttercup moans sadly.

Sage: No, no, no, it's a good thing.

Buttercup: Oh, then yay!

The girls walk out.



Setting: The courtyard. The Princess sticks her hand in the pudding.

Princess: I can't find the worm! (retching) And this pudding's so warm and chunky! (retches again)

King: I see why this is so funny now. Hey, everyone, look! She's gonna barf! (pretends to gag)

Everyone cheers.

Princess: What is wrong with you people?

Cut to Arc with the ring.

Arc: If you press the ring, Ciara will be mad. But if you don't press the ring, you'll never know what awesome thing you could turn into.

Arc's conscience appears inside a thought cloud. He is dressed as a king.

Arc's Conscience: (in a British accent) I say, "tisn't" it obvious, you silly bloke?

Arc: Whoa, the ring's so powerful, it gave my imagination a fancy accent.

Arc's Conscience: Oh, indeedly do. Now, if the ring turns the princess into Ciara, it'll turn-

Arc: (finishing the sentence) Me into a prince.

Arc's Conscience: Oh, that's using your bean, old boy. Now, push that rrring like a boss!

Arc: You really think I should do it, Your Handsome Highness?

Arc's Conscience: How could listening to me go wrong? I'm imaginary!

Arc: Okay, I'm gonna do it.

Arc's conscience disappears. Arc puts his finger on the ring.

(SFX: magic tinkle, zapping)

After Arc touches the ring, he realizes that he has a pig's nose, his hair is messy, he has horns and pointier ears, and he is dressed in a dirty, used outfit.

Arc: What the heck? I'm a monster!

Arc stares at the ring.

Arc: Very funny, ring. Now it's time to prince it up.

Arc puts his finger on the ring.

(SFX: magic zapping, sputtering)

After Arc touches the ring, nothing happens. The ring shoots out sparks, and then smoke flows out.

Arc: The ring's not working?

Arc's conscience reappears, drinking a cup of tea. As he turns to look at Arc's horrifying state, he spits out the tea.

Arc's Conscience: Oh, no! Bangers and mash, you're horrifying!

Arc's conscience runs away, shrieking.

Cut to Arc, turning to the camera with a worried look on his face.



Opening Credits



Scene opens up in the squad room.