ICan't Take It


 * Carly: So, things are going good with you and Freddie?
 * Sam: Yeah, way better. Only 3 fights this week.
 * Carly: And you haven't hit him?
 * Sam: Not in the face...
 * Carly: [smiles] Aww, that's sweet.
 * Freddie: [knocks on Carly's bedroom door; comes in holding his blue laptop] So, guess a-who just finished editing iCarly's next fake movie trailer?
 * Carly: The same guy a-who edits all of iCarly's fake movie trailers?
 * Freddie: [smiles proudly] Yes... [to Sam] Hey, cuteness.
 * Sam: Lips please. [Freddie leans down, gently lifts Sam's chin with his fingers and kisses her for 3 seconds]
 * Carly: [shocked in a good way] How did this happen?? You guys have a relationship, and I have a magnetic fish! [holds up the fishing rod she's been holding with a magnetic fish at the end]




 * Mrs. Benson: [comes into the Shay's apartment holding a silver bar] Freddie!
 * Gibby: Wow, Freddie! Your mom's here!
 * Mrs. Benson: [puts the silver bar on the counter]
 * Freddie: [looks at her; confused] What's that?
 * Mrs. Benson: 100 ounces of pure palladium.
 * Gibby: Wow! So a bar like that must be quite valuable!
 * Mrs. Benson: Oh, it is, it has a street value of nearly $100,000.
 * Spencer: [raises his eyebrows; eyes wide]
 * Freddie: [holding the bar; surprised] Whoa, whose is this?
 * Mrs. Benson: Yours...
 * Freddie: Why would you give me something worth this much money?
 * Mrs. Benson: So you'll do something for me in return!
 * Gibby: That seems fair!
 * Freddie: What do you want me to do?
 * Mrs. Benson: [loudly] Stop dating Sam!
 * Freddie: [gets off the chair he was sitting on; looks confused and shocked] How'd you know?
 * Gibby: Yes, how did you know?
 * Mrs. Benson: It doesn't matter! [to Freddie] If you want that bar of palladium, you tell that no good Puckett to find some other boy to ruin!
 * Freddie: You can't bribe me to break up with Sam!
 * Mrs. Benson: But, Freddie!
 * Freddie: [furious] No chance!
 * Mrs. Benson: [screams and rips a piece of her shirt; takes the palladium back from Freddie and runs back into her apartment].
 * Freddie: [mouthing] Wow... [sits back down]




 * Carly: [annoyed and angry] I'm going to kill Sam and Freddie! [to Gibby] Are you sure they haven't texted you?
 * Gibby: [to Carly] Look, I'm just having some juice.
 * Carly: [frustrated] Well, fan-bat-tastic! iCarly starts in thirty seconds, and I'm here, alone!
 * Gibby: I'll try not to take that the wrong way.
 * Carly: [to Gibby] Alright, we're starting iCarly. You and me. Get up!
 * Gibby: [excitedly] Really?
 * Carly: In 5, 4, 3, 2.. [as she sets up the tech stuff] I'm Carly! [looks to Gibby]
 * Gibby: [stands there and smiles as he says nothing]
 * Carly: [keeps glancing at Gibby to say something]
 * Gibby: [to Carly] My turn?
 * Carly: [disappointed] And this has been iCarly. [turns off the web cast]




 * Carly: [to Sam and Freddie] So, last week you two made me your involuntary Couple's Counselor. Then you edited me out of "Super Bra" and tonight you made me do iCarly by myself.
 * Gibby: [offended as he yells to Carly] What am I, a mushroom?!
 * Freddie: [to Carly] Okay, you're making way too big a deal out of--
 * Sam: [to Freddie as she gently pats him on the arm 3 times] Hey, hey, hey this isn't about us missing the show...
 * Freddie: [to Sam] She seems pretty upset by-- [Sam nods at him] Oh, right...
 * Sam: Mm hmm...
 * Carly: [rolls her eyes, annoyed] What's right?
 * Freddie: [to Carly] Look, since Sam and I started going out [looks to Sam, then back at Carly], maybe you've been feeling a little--
 * Sam: [finishing his sentence] Jealous.
 * Carly: [looking shocked] Wh- wh- wh- wh? [scoffs] You two think I'm jealous of your relationship?
 * Freddie: Maybe.
 * Sam: And maybe you were the one who let his mom know that we were going out.
 * Carly: [shocked] I did not!
 * Freddie: [confused] Then who did?
 * Carly: [screams] Gib---what?
 * Sam and Freddie: [glaring at Gibby]
 * Sam: [mad] Gibby?
 * Gibby: [sarcastic to Carly] Thanks, Carly! So much for secrets!
 * Sam: [runs to Gibby and throws him on the floor while screaming]




 * Gibby: Your son, Freddie...
 * Mrs. Benson: [gasps]
 * Gibby: ...is dating Sam. Look at this. [holds up PearPad and shows Mrs. Benson a picture of Freddie with his arm around Sam's shoulder; smiling at each other]
 * Mrs. Benson: [screams shrilly and loudly]




 * Gibby: [to Carly] Tell us what you know.
 * Mrs. Benson: [to Carly] Give into your anger.




 * Spencer: [screams] What?! [his pants fall down]




 * Carly: [to Gibby] You know we're about to ruin a relationship between two of our best friends?




 * Carly: [feeling bothered by Gibby going to take a nap in her bed] Oh...




 * Carly: [to Freddie] You know eventually you're gonna have to tell your mom you and Sam are dating.
 * Freddie: [scoffs] Oh really, you wanna see my mom burst into flames?
 * Carly: Yes!
 * Spencer: That'd be cool.
 * Sam: [laughs]
 * Mrs. Benson: [Off Screen knocking on the door] Freddie, are you in there? Come home! It's time for your tick bath!
 * Freddie: Now what?
 * Sam: [to Freddie] No worries, we'll take the 'vator. [to Spencer] Tell his batty mom you haven't seen him or me.
 * Spencer: No, no, de nopedy nope, I am not gonna lie to your mother.
 * Freddie: [frustrated] Why not?
 * Spencer: 'Cause when you tell one lie it just leads to another lie, and another lie...and before you know it, you're a guy telling multiple lies.
 * Sam: [scoffs] Oh come on, when the girl with no teeth kept coming over here I lied for you.
 * Mrs. Benson: [OS annoyed knocking on the door louder] Fredward Benson!
 * Sam and Freddie: [look to Spencer, pleadingly]
 * Spencer: Fine. I'll lie. Go.
 * [Sam and Freddie run toward the elevator door. Sam pushes the second button]
 * Mrs. Benson: [OS annoyed knocking on the door] Fredward!
 * Carly: [to Sam and Freddie] You know, you guys could invite me to go to the movies with you. [as Sam and Freddie step in the elevator]
 * Freddie: [to Carly as the elevator door is closing, hesitating] Uh, well if you wanted to--
 * Sam: [to Carly as the elevator door is closing, hesitating] Um.. well, okay, let's get the door.
 * Sam and Freddie: [as the elevator door shuts] Bye, Carly!




 * Gibby: Wait, I brought you a flashlight too. [shows Mrs. Benson pictures]
 * Mrs. Benson: What's that?
 * Gibby: Oh, that's me in the bathroom. And that's me brushing my cat's teeth. [Stops and looks and Marissa's face] He didn't like it...




 * Gibby: What am I? A mushroom?!




 * Freddie: [looking at his PearPhone] Ah, dag, man! No!
 * Sam: [to Freddie] What's the matter, baby?
 * Freddie: I didn't get into that summer program I applied to.
 * Carly: [smiles] NERD Camp.
 * Freddie: It's not NERD Camp. It's "New Electronics Research and Development camp!"
 * Gibby: [laughs to Freddie] You're perfect for that!
 * Freddie: I know!




 * Gibby: Cool! There's a sale for glitter gloss at the store!
 * Spencer: Why do you get text updates from Glitter Gloss?
 * Gibby: I care about women's personal needs, a'ight?
 * Spencer: [looks at Carly, Sam and Freddie giving an offended and weirded out expression based on Gibby's reaction]




 * Carly: [looks at Freddie] Look, having Sam in your life is like owning a wild chimp...
 * Freddie and Sam: [both look confused]
 * Carly: Sure, she is unpredictable; she can go berserk and chew your foot off. But if you keep her clean and well fed, she's adorable [puts her arm around Sam] and cool and tons of fun.
 * Freddie: I know, but--
 * Carly: [interrupts Freddie] She said she was sorry! And she really meant it.
 * Gibby: [walks in quietly]
 * Carly: Sam loves you! [looks at Sam waiting for her to speak then nudges her]
 * Sam: [shyly] It's kinda true.
 * Carly: [steps to the side and gestures for Sam to kiss Freddie then pushes them closer together]
 * Freddie: [smiles lovingly at Sam]
 * Sam: [smiles lovingly back at him]
 * Carly: [pushes them together to kiss]
 * Sam and Freddie: [kiss for 10 seconds]