The Real Thomas: An Intern Special: Part 1

(Rigby snoring and waking up to his grumbling stomach)

Rigby: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, yeah-uh! Pizza pouch!

(Inaudible Voices)

CIA Agent: Stop!, drop the bag!

Thomas: Sweet dreams, Cartwright-

Rigby: Thomas? Hey, what's goin on man?

Thomas: Not much.

Rigby: Is that dude okay?

Thomas: Hey, this is weird right, I mean I'm doing martial arts, that guy's dressed up like garbage can and totally still alive, I think you're in a dream, dude.

(Rigby chewing and agreeing)

Rigby: Wait, I th-ahha (Rigby screaming and losing consciousness)

Thomas: shh shhh shh shh hhh h hh

(Alarm clock ringing and Rigby waking up again, groaning)

Mordecai: Rigby, staff meeting. Did you go on pizza pouch bender again last night? Come on!

Rigby: Last night... Huh! Thomas!

Benson: Guys, it finally happened. I met the perfect girl! Her name is Natalie, and she's a preschool teacher. I will be showing her around the park today. So your only duties are to leave us alone. Just leave me and Natalie alone, people!

(Rigby raises his hand)

Benson: No you can't use the bathroom, Rigby.

Rigby: That's not what I was gonna s-

Mordecai: You know, Rigby has a point. What about Audrey?

Benson: We broke up. Remember?

(Everyone can't remember this)

Pops: I don't recall.

Benson: I was sad for months?I loafed around the house?

Benson: Muscle Man and Pops, you took me to get ice cream. Skips, you made me train for that marathon! In fact, all you guys had a role in my lengthy healing process!

Skips: I don't remember any of this.

Benson: Second order of business! Today is Thomas' last day. Now keep this under wraps, guys cause I want to surprise him. At the end of the day, I'm offering Thomas a full-time job!

(Everyone cheers except Rigby)

Muscle Man: Oh yeah!! I can' wait to see the look on his face when he sees how I prank the new hires!

Skips: You know, we don't normally hire interns, but Thomas has really been killing it lately, uh, killing it in the park!

(Rigby screams)

Rigby: Listen to me! I was eating a pizza pouch late last night, and I hear something behind of the house right? When I go look, I see Thomas take some guy out! I think he was speaking Russian too.

Mordecai: Yeah, right, Thomas? (scoffs), it was a dream, dude.

Benson: You were having a cheese and grease induced nightmare.

Rigby: Oh, I get it! Let's all gang up on Rigby, huh? I'll show you it wasn't a dream!

Rigby: This is where I dropped my pizza pouch. Huh! Signs of a struggle!

Benson: Pathetic.

Thomas: Hey, guys! Got the coffee. Wait? What are all you doing behind the house? You don't have anymore surprises on my last day, do you?

(Everyone except Rigby laughs)

Muscle Man: Oh man, you don't even know.

Rigby: That's the duffle bag he had last night.

Thomas: Let's see, got a triple esspresso-

(Rigby jumps over Thomas, spilling the coffee and taking the duffle bag)

Rigby: This is gonna prove it!

Benson: Thomas, are you okay?

(Rigby opens the bag)

Thomas: That's just my dirty laundry, dude.

Muscle Man: Totally uncalled for, bro.

Rigby: But... it wasn't a dream! I'm on to you, Thomas!

Thomas: What just happened?

(Scene transitions to Thomas driving a cart)

Thomas: Oh, hello Mom, Oh yeah, everything's great!

Rigby: What's he saying?

Thomas: No, exactly, yep, Russian.

Rigby: Russian? What the heck is going on?

Thomas: Understood, Bye mom.

(Thomas puts his phone back to his pocket, he picks up his duffle bag, gets on the cart and drives off as Rigby runs towards the fountain)

Rigby: It's just a sprinkler head, wait was that?

(He looks at the sign that says "OCTOPOЖHO!" and starts to gasp)

Rigby: Russian writing? What's he up too?

(We cut the scene to see Benson walking with Natalie)

Benson: So this is the house where the worker stand, and this is the garage and keep my rakes and shovels in here.

Natalie: Ooh rakes. (She snap the picture with her camera) I like a man who takes care of public parks.

Benson: Well someone's gonna do it.

Natalie: (She shuts Benson's mouth with her finger) Benson, why don't we finish this conservation somewhere more, public.

Benson: Um... Sure, I can show you the A.V. Club people go there sometimes.

(The camera moves right to see Rigby pops out of the bush)

Rigby: Huh, I was sure Benson was lying about that date.

(He jumps off the bush. Later we see Mordecai, High Five Ghost and Muscle Man eating sandwiches)

Muscle Man: Just we're all in agreement, Benson was totally lying about that date right.

(Rigby comes in the Kitchen holding a bunch of sprinkler heads)

Rigby: You guys, "Thomas" is up to something and I have proof. I caught Thomas red handed in stalling these.

(He drops them all)

Muscle Man: Sprinkler heads wow, you really cracked the case Sherlock.

(Mordecai, Muscle Man and High Five Ghost laugh)

Rigby: It's not just a sprinkler head smart guy! (He holds the sprinkler head) Look it's got some kind of Russian warning on it, and while "Thomas" was messing with it, he got a phone call and I totally heard him say Russian.

Mordecai: Come on man, Thomas can't speak Russian, you probably just heard him wrong.

Rigby: I know what I heard!

Muscle Man: Pfft. You're jealous bro, you try to make him look bad.

Rigby: What? Why would I do that?

(Muscle Man eats the whole sandwich)

Muscle Man: Duh as the intern he's been stuck with all the cruddy job you use to do. (He gets off the chair) You worry that if he gets hired full-time. You'll have to do them again, chips.

(High Five Ghost shake his head no)

Rigby: That's not true. I never did that stuff even when it's my full responsibility.

(Muscle Man walks to the desk)

Muscle Man: Like I say I get it. When you guys got a hire I was nervous too, I use to kick leafs everywhere after you rake them so Benson had think you we're slaking off.

(He opens the handle as Mordecai, Rigby and High Five Ghost scream to see the guy that knocked out by Thomas was inside the Cupboard)

Muscle Man: Get over it guys, that was like years ago.

(Muscle Man tries to get the bag of chips but he touch the guy's face as Mordecai, Rigby and High Five Ghost are yelling "Uuuhhh")

Muscle Man: (Continues) Chill out bros. (Touches the guy's eye, then his nose and then his tongue) Now where are those chips. (He grabs the guy's face and then fell on Muscle Man as he screams)

Mordecai: Muscle Man!

Muscle Man: Get it off! Get if off! I never fear of being trapped under an unresponsive guy!

(Mordecai and Rigby lift the unresponsive guy off of Muscle Man as we see the letter that says C.I.A.)

Mordecai: (Gasp) This guy is from the C.I.A.

Rigby: That's him! That's the guy "Thomas was fighting last night!"

(Fart sound start)

Muscle Man: Okay, this guy is not dead, because that definitely wasn't me.

Mordecai: Okay, okay, nobody panic.

(We hear the doorbell ring as the guys turn heads to see and open the door slowly and someone is knocking the door)

Rigby: Uh who is it?

Russian Spy #1: Is "American Intern Society of America" is urgent respect to "Thomas".

(Rigby gasp)

Russian Spy #1: I need to give him exit interview before he can get proper credit.

Russian Spy #2: It's very important.

Rigby: Dude you hear those accent! "Russian" those guys are probably Thomas' assassin buddies or something.

Mordecai: Yeah this doesn't feel right. Rigby lets go find Benson, Muscle Man, Fives you two stall these goons until we get back.

Muscle Man & High Five Ghost: Right.

(They close the door. Later Mordecai and Rigby arrive at device storage and they open the door)

Mordecai: Hello. Benson. Are you in here?

Rigby: Whoa. Have you ever seen this door before?

Mordecai: Maybe he's in here?

(Pushes the desk revealing a secret base and we see Skips and Pops tied up with duct tape cover their mouth)

M&R: Pops! Skips!

Rigby: Whoa! What happened?!

(Skips and Pops try to talk but their mouth have duct tape on them)

Benson: I recorded my parents' vow renewal on it.

Mordecai: Shh! It's Benson.

Natalie: Enough Talk. Give me your hands.

(We hear handcuffs coming from outside of the door)

Benson: Oh! Handcuffs. Not sure that these are-

(She kicks Benson into the secret base into the ground and looks at Mordecai, Rigby, Skips and Pops)

Benson (countined): What are you guys doing here? And what room is this? What's all this stuff?

Rigby: We don't know, but we're pretty sure Thomas has something to do with it. There was a guy in the cupboard, and we're pretty sure he did that, too.

Mordecai: I think we stumbled on something really big.

Benson: What guy? What are you talking a-

(We hear a slow clap revealing Natalie walking inside the secret base)

Natalie (In her Russian Accent): I know you Americans love the ironic slow clap.

Benson: Natalie? What's with the accent? What is all this?

Natalie (continued in her Russian Accent): I am not Natalie, I am Natalia! And I am not lowly pre-school teacher. I am Russian spy!

M&R: Whoa!

Natalia: So clever, you Americans, only took two years to figure out things at park were not what they seem. And I am not only one right under your ignorant noses. One of your own has been conspiring against you.

Benson: What? Who would do that? Natalie, you're acting crazy.

Natalia: Oh, sweet Benson, why don't you let him tell you himself. Nikolai!

(We cut the scene of the door still open, then we seeing who Nikolai is, revealing Thomas as the guys gasp in horror)

Benson (continued): Thomas, why did you step out when she called for Nikolai?

Nikolai: Because my name is not Thomas. It is Nikolai, and I am a Russian spy.

(The shocking music starts as the guys are shocked to find out Thomas/Nikolai is a Russian spy)