You Never Give Me My Money

Hey Oliver, what's going on? Oh well, kinda getting over a cold, oh, fighting off some weak athlete's foot oh and uh, this new underwear my Mom just got me they are way too tight! You know how we're so close and, we tell each other everything? Let's not do that anymore! Yeah, I meant what's going on at Rico's? Oh, there's a tent up. Thank you, Captain Duh! Olla, omigoes! Get ready for a fiesta in your mouth! It's Rrrrrrrrricos empanada extravaganza! Hey, I'll try an empanada. I don't sell empanadas! I sell empa annnades! Fine! I'll have an emp anada! Oh yeah, me too. And a bottle of wa-aaater! OK, I'll try one too. - Ohh - Holy - Wow! Rico, these are amazing! I could kiss you! Bbbring it on! But I won't. Cause then I'd yak up my empanada! Fine. Three bucks people! I I'm all out. Can you wait until I get my allowance? Why wait when there's other forms of payment? Which brings us back to Lily, loan me three bucks! Lilly I love the ladies. But George Washington you're still the best. OK That was way too close. I gotta' get a raise on my allowance. What, you thinkback when I was a boy', is going to give you more money? Besides, didn't he just raise your allowance like a couple of months ago? Yeah. And it's not his fault you blow it all on shoes. You guys had a deal. Yeah, but no deal is a match for the puppy dog face, watch it Please Daddy Please Daddy Now don't you stop boy. That silly puppy dog face don't work on me anymore. Besides, I just bumped up your curfew last month. This is a huge party and I'm gonna' be the only one who's gonna' have to leave early. Well too bad! Back when I was a boy If I made a deal with my Daddy, I stuck to it. Now take a page from your sister. I just raised her allowance and you don't see her come whining around asking for more money with that silly puppy dog looking face. How funny is that. You were just about to go in there and whine for more money with that silly puppy dog faceand I'm gonna shut up now. HANNAH MONTANA Stupid sandals! "Buy me, buy me! I'm expensive but I'm cute!" I should put you at the back of the closet so you can think about what you've did you open toed little teasers! Or you could give us to Lily That would punish us! Hey! Don't look at me, you're the one who bought the talking shoes! I so need more guy friends! Now, I have to wait until I get my next allowance. I can't go anywhere! I'm trapped in it's re-run season. Curse you cruel fate! Oh come on Miley, you'll get through it. And we'll be right here with you. Oh, except for the night we got that movie - Sssh! You're going to a movie without me? Well you don't have the money, and if we don't go then there'll be three of us who are sad, now, you wouldn't want that would you? Yes I would. Come on! You're Hannah stinkin' Montana! You just starred in a movie and you don't have enough money to see one! That's ridiculous! You are right! I am Hannah stinkin' Montana and I'm going to go and get myself a stinkin' raise! Wo! You think she's gonna get it? No stinking way! - Daddy, I need to talk to you. - Ar, excuse me! But we are having a serious conversation right now. Please let Jackson go to the party! Or I'll be his only friend! And that'd be sad. And weird. No! You are the worst dad ever! Daddy, I have to talk to you. What's up, partner? Alone. Oh sorry, what's up bud? OK I'm not going to beat around the bush, I'm just going to come out and say it. Lay it all the table! Right here, right now! Is that a new shirt? Sure is! One of those new microfibers. Totally stain resistant, yet soft, stylish and tap I need a raise in my allowance! What? ?Ã´ I know you just gave me one, but I'm sixteen now. I mean you can trust me with a car, and you can't trust me with just a little bit of Hannah money! I mean, I'm not talking crazy cash, just like a ten or twenty. How's five thousand dollars sound? Daddy's whose wallet's even tighter than his jeans say what? Yeah, I mean you are getting older. You do work hard for your money. You're a responsible young lady, and dang-flab-it! I think you deserve it. I do? I mean Yeah, I do! I am totally responsible enough to handle five thousand smackerooneys! Alright then. I say first thing tomorrow morning we stop your allowance you take that down to the bank and open up your very own checking account. Oh daddy, thank you so much, you will not regret this, I promise! I'm getting tears on your new shirt, I'm sorry. Oh, that's OK look, the tears bead right off. That's the microfibre at work. I cannot wait to tell Lily and Oliver. Ar. . something tells me they already know. Well, well, well. Look at those microfibres work, son. I sure could've used this shirt when you kids were potty training. I mean, you were like an out of control fire hose! I don't want to hear any more of your stories, Mr. "Back when I was a Boy". You won't change my curfew, but when Miley asks for more money it's, "anything for my favorite". That hurts. Bad. That's why I stop growing. You need love to grow! You know what son. I feel your "fake" pain, so I'm going to fake like I bought it. ? I'm going to raise your curfew. You Give me your big old slice of southern fried wonderful! Just make sure you take your cell phone with you in case I need to get a hold of you. Ar sure What possible reason would I have to say no to that incredibaly reasonable request? Heaven, this room is a mess! You lost your phone again, didn't you? No! I know exactly where it is it's charging Ã» in its special you know charging place. Would you excuse me? You looking for something? Like what? My cell phone because I lost it or something? You wish! You know what, if the boy didn't know already know where his phone was then I'd tell him. But since he knows " egg-zactly" where it is Oh, Robby Ray, you know yolk-ster! He, he, he! Oh, what about these cheques with the romantic couple walking on the beach? Excellent choice, very popular. No, I don't need to be reminded every time I go to write a cheque that I don't have a boyfriend. Perfectly understandable. Ar, you know what, I'd go with the eagle, because it's strong, majestic independent. No, I see bird, I think poop. I'll get another book, Miss Stewart. That would be lovely Ajay! You hear that, he called me Miss Stewart. Ar, no, I think he called you "Miss Stewart" Who cares? Like my dad, he realizes that I am a mature, responsible adult, totally capable of handling finiancial matters. Oh, kitty playing with yarn! oh, Cute! Oh cute! Ignore him. I'll take the kitties. Let me just order those for you. That was weird, he didn't smile. Oops almost forgot I cannot believe I am about to have my very own checking account with five thousand smackerooneys in it! - Just in time for our - "Monthly Mall Crawl". I think it's so cool your dad trusts you like that. My Dad still holds my hand in parking lots and we're forgetting I said that right now! What do you want, Jackson? Have you seen my phone? Oh yeah, It's right next to the big box of "I Couldn't care less". This is serious, I can't find it anywhere! Well have you checked the living room? Nooo! The thought never occured to me! What's going on? Dad's given Jackson a chance for a little more responsibilty, and once again, he's blown it! See, that's the difference between us. Dad always has to test Jackson, but with me, he just trusts me and I cannot believe I didn't see this coming! Wow! Yeah, it's so obvious! You guys have no idea, do you? - No. - Not a clue. That sneaky hill-billy's testing me to see if I'll blow it and waste five thousand dollars on stupid things. By the way, the kitty cheques are an extra five dollars a box. Cancel the kitties Mr. Happy and give me the free cheques! And wipe that smile off your face because I'm not buying it. I'm not buying anything. Oh yeah! So you're not gonna spend any of that money? What about our Mall Crawl? We're going to have a ball! You got a lot of ! Relax, Dr. Seuss! Of course I'm going to do the Mall Crawl, I'm just not going to buy anything. You know Miley, good for you. Because that way, she can take the money and give it to the needy. For example, I needy some new kicks. Is that your size? - I wouldn't know, I didn't feel it! I'm not giving the money to anybody! Remeber when my dad gave me the emergency credit card and I totally blew it? Not this time. I am not spending the money on anything dad thinks is stupid. Today only, with every impanada, get a complimentary drrrrrrr. So Miley. We all know you're gonna say that you can do it, but then you're gonna get to the mall and you gonna see like, some earrings, and be all like "gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!" That's not going to happen. You want to know why? I'm giving you my cheque book. Wow, you're serious about this. Yes I am. Oliver, a little help here! It looks this a job for "Slippery Sam the Finger Man". And thank you Oliver, I needed that. Oh, look who just conveniently jogged in. Pathetic. Pretening to stretch so he can spy on me. Well you can stretch those hammies until they turn to bacon, Mister, I ain't blowing it. Hey Miley! How'er you doing? So "innocent". I'm great daddy, thank you! And F. Y. I, I won't be buying a drill, Because I have free food at home! Cause I'm a smart cookie! Which I won't be buying either! Because I got it free at home! Smart! Cookie! Okey Dokey. Check! And mate! Ha! OK, here's the charger boy, sniff it! Sniff it good. OK, go get the phone! No, no. Phone first. Then you get your treat. Hey, you're costing me fifty dollars an hour and I got a party to go to! Now come on, no phone, no bone! You are completly worthless. Let me give you one more chance. You are a disappointment to dogs everywhere! Hey Jackson! What are you doing home, I thought you'd be at your party by now. I did to. But I'm not. Why? you ask. Cause my father doesn't trust me. Oh, you don't think I trust you? If you trusted me then you'd let me go to this party without having to check up on me. It's humiliating. Can't you understand that? Oh yeah, I understand it. So you want me to make an egg-ception? You want to go to this party knowing that I'm not going to call you to check up on you. That'd work for me. Well OK then. Cause I sure don't want to be "hard-boiled" about this, "scramble" up your plans. So ar, I'm letting you go. Well great! Yep, well if my son says I can trust him then dang flab it, I'ma take him to make his word. OK then. Bye! Unbelievable! Jackson! Jackson I lost my phone, OK? I'm not going to the party. There's the truth. Happy? Yes I am! Yes I am? What kind of a father are you? A proud one! You told me the truth. And better yet - you didn't even have to! Now I know I really can trust you. Go on to your party, son. Well thanks, dad. And I promise, from now on, total honesty! Jackson, what is that dog doing sitting on my couch? I have no idea! Bye! I don't know who you are. But would you mind taking my son's cell phone out to him? If only Jackson were that trainable. Wow. We've crawled through half the mall and you haven't asked for your cheque book once. Yeah, that's because I don't need it! And you want to know something else? It feels good not to buy anything. It's no longer be one of those weak, spineless consumers that these malls pray on. You guys like my new hat? Bought five! Attention shoppers. Forty percent off all mens sporting goods. It's like they know I'm here! I used to be like that. So sad. If only he had my strength, my will power. I mean, there is nothing in this entire mall that could get me to look at you and say Yes, it's pearls by Henri. The finest make up in the world. Give me my cheque book! Miley, you don't want to do this. But it's pearls by Henri! The finest make up in the world! Come on! No. Lily! It's gift with purchase. The puppy dog face? Really Miley, no. you know, You're not getting your cheque book. Fine. Keep my cheque book. I don't need it, I got something better than money. When I'm walking around, everybody stops. Cameras flashing, people fighting for the best shot. They like my hair You wear this thing too long, it'll give you a head rash. Believe me honey, I know. Oliver! I need you! Oh, I don't care if footballs are two for one, get over here! Hello, I'm Hannah Montana, and I just wanted to know if I could get some free samples you know, like a celebrity endorsement. You should be ashamed! Ouch! Miley. Look at yourself. Miley isn't here anymore! Give me my cheque book! Eeep! - Oliver! Go deep! - I'm open! What do you think, a little too much? There you go, darling. I think that got her done. You know I kind of prefer the no make up look anyway! Daddy, stop being so nice to me, I know you're disappointed. Just come right out and say it. Mile Exactly! You gave me more responsibility and I blew it. It's the credit card thing all over again, ain't that right? - Listen, darl - I know! You would think I'd learn by now but obviously I haven't. - You don't have to go on, and on, and on - I'm not disappointed in you! Go on! The only reason that you couldn't handle this money, is because you didn't trust yourself as much as I trust you. What? I didn't give you the five thousand dollars wondering if you were ready for it. I gave it to you cause I knew you were. If I was so ready, why do I still have powder in my pits? Now that's because you didn't raise you arms when I asked you to. This isn't funny. Mile. You've always had me there to say no for you. But now - you've got to learn how to say it for yourself. The problem is that you have to remember that sometimes it's OK to say yes. Unless you're talking about boys then the answer's always no. Dad?! Always! I'm just saying that handling money is just like everything else in life. You just got to find the right balance. So you're saying it would've been OK for me to say yes to the make up and the belt just as long as I said no to the sunglasses, shoes and the other belt. And the boys! Always say no to the boys. If it gets you through the day daddy. No, no, no. We had an agreement and that's that. Back when I was a boy if I made a deal with my daddy we stuck to it. Oh, now don't go giving me that puppy dog face again because it ain't going to work! Oh all right, but don't tell Jackson.