How to Haunt a House

Transcript
Narrator: The following presentation…will demonstrate how to haunt the living. But before we begin, one must be…

Goofy: (Hollers).

(Crash)

Narrator: Not living. The fine specimen observed here is commonly known as a ghost.

Goofy: Ghost? Where?

- Why, you, my friend.

-Me?

Yes, you have just joined the ranks of the supernatural. That explains what all that racket was out there. Hey! I’m not ready to be dearly departed. Don’t you worry. It’s only temporary. Just long enough for you to demonstrate… Step one choose a house to haunt-- Finding the right house… is all about location, location, location. And what better place to look than the classified ads? Let’s see here. ‘‘Creaking hardwood floors…’’ ‘‘a foggy-enshrouded’’ breakfast nook… ‘‘informal dying room.’’ Perfect! Oh, a-hauntin’ I will go A-hauntin’ I will go Hi, ho, the merry-o A-hauntin’ I will go Step two selecting a hauntee-- Hauntee number one is a likeable mouse… and popular American icon. Oh, gosh, I’m scared. Hauntee number two is a cow who’s a real moo-ver and shaker. I’m scared, too. And finally, hauntee number three… is a hot-headed duck who’s a real quack-up. Aw, phooey. Nothing scares me. I know who I’m going to pick on. Step three being creepy-- Nothing is quite creepier than the creaky front door… which opens all by itself. Here goes. Oh, automatic doors. How convenient. Having successfully creeped your intended hauntee out… you’re now ready for… Step four looking like a ghost-- With an ordinary bedsheet carefully draped over you… sneak about in a menacing manner. Hit my head! Continue this macabre dance of the dead… and watch as panic and terror wash over your victim. This method of haunting… is only made possible by the unique eyeholes… that have been cut in the sheet. Eyeholes? Now you tell me. Step five the dark-- Everyone is afraid of the dark. Use this knowledge to your haunting advantage. Oh, this is getting silly. Step six things that go bump-- Peace and quiet. A ghost has a wide array of scary sounds… with which to frighten their unwitting victim. I just don’t understand it. Oh, come on. I’m tired of being a ghost. Hey, Donald, wake up. What? A ghost!

But, Donald-.

No! Get away!

(Crash)

Sorry, Donald. I just wanted to tell you that I’m a ghost. And now you are, too. Why, you little-- Now, now, settle down, Donald. It’s only temporary.

Narrator: That’s right. Just long enough to demonstrate How to end a cartoon… Begin at the end… by chasing each other into the distance… then scream comically.

Goofy: (Holler).

(Crash)

Narrator: Followed by an iris out.