Which Father Knows Best?

Man, that movie was awesome! Yeah, Shark Beach definitely lived up to the hype. Although I couldn't hear most of it over Leo's screaming. Shark! Ahhhh! No, Chase, that's not right. It was more like, ahhhh! Oh, it was not that loud. Dude, girls said you were screaming like a girl. Look, it's hard for me to talk about, but when I was younger I had a very traumatic experience with a shark. You did? It was the dead of summer. I was playing in the water when all of a sudden everything turned red. That's when I realized. Realized what? It bit me. A great white? No. Hammerhead? No. Tiger? No. Thresher? No. Bull shark? Okay, it was rubber. Wait, wait, wait. You were bitten by a toy shark at the beach? No. It was a bathtub. But that water was choppy. And I was not the only victim. Mr. Froggy is still missing. You know what else is missing? What? Your manhood. Announcer: The world's first bionic super humans, they're stronger than us, faster, smarter. The next generation of the human race is Living in my basement? Hey, we still studying for our health class CPR exam tonight? Your place at seven? Well, I was talking to her, but you're welcome to join. She's plastic and even her stomach is turning from that one. Hey, Janelle, aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls? Give it to Chase. It's not a doll. It's a CPR dummy. Or in your case, another inanimate object that's smarter than you. Oh. Hey, Leo, maybe after we're done studying we can go see Shark Beach. Yeah. Already saw it. Two thumbs down. Really? I loved it. And eight fingers up! I love sharks. They fascinate me. Me too! They're the most misunderstood creatures on the planet. I know! So they eat people. Leave them alone. I tried to see the movie again last night, but someone kept screaming the whole time. Yeah, we were at the movies, too. Guess who the screamer was? It was them! They screamed. They are the screamers. Ahhh! Leo, help! Tell us when the sharks are gone! You screamed. Screamers! Leo, what are you doing? Yeah, that's not cool. You're right. It's rude to laugh in your faces. Let's go do it in the cafeteria. Aaahh! Tasha, I'm home! You ready to go? Hey, she got called away for work, but anything you had planned with her you can do with me. We were getting a mani-pedi. Perfect! These mani is ready for his pedi. On second thought, I'm good. No. No, no, no. You and I are going to be spending some quality father-daughter time. So who are you totes crushing on? Is he adorbs? What? Why do you bother knocking if you're just gonna barge in? I wasn't knocking. I dislocated my shoulder body-checking someone and I was cramming it back in place. Oh. Bingo. Love that meaty pop. Hey, can we get a heads up the next time you decide to cram something back into its socket? Anyhoo, the Mission Creek Country Club is accepting new members and I need your help. Uh, why do you wanna join a country club? Because my summer's wide open and I'm tired of all the wolf whistles dipping my piglets in the public pool. I need to be ogled by fancy people. I'm sorry, after the word piglet I retreated into my safe place. Look, I have to be interviewed by a country club rep and I hate interviews. They make me all nervous and sweaty. Did you just come from an interview? So you want me to coach you on what to say. No, I need you to come with me. I told them you're my husband. You what?! When I get interviewed I get nervous and when I get nervous I start making up lies. I can't help it, it's a medical condition. See, I just did it right there. Look, I'm not pretending to be your husband. Hmm, guess I'm gonna have to call the cops on, Donnie Don and the Robot Bunch. Okay, fine. I'll do it. But this blackmailing thing's getting old. So is this marriage. Now shut your yap and get in the car. I can't believe Leo told everyone that we were the screamers at the movie. It's time for a little revenge. I got it. We go to the aquarium No, Adam, we're not gonna throw Leo in a shark tank. No, I was gonna throw you in the shark tank and make Leo rescue you. Look, Mr. Davenport developed a school of cyborg sharks. He used to guard his top secret underwater facility. Why didn't he just use humans? He's cheap. See, the sharks are designed to attack intruders. He still has a few prototypes in storage. Hmm. Whoa! He looks vicious. I'm gonna name him Carl. We can use Mr. Davenport's hover technology to re-purpose it for land. I'll control it with this tablet and then we can scare Leo in front of Janelle. Awesome, right? Why would you put your hand in there? Because I didn't think my head would fit. Dinner party? Hmm, yes, I will. What are you wearing? It's a country club, not a funeral. Yeah, it's not a bagpipe player convention either. How'd you like me to pipe your bag? Mr. and Mrs. Davenport, I presume. That's us. Please take a seat. I see here you play golf. What's your handicap? I have a second tailbone. Works like a kickstand when I sit down. Oh, there it goes. Well, how nice for you. Our club hasn't added new members in over a decade. What makes the Davenports qualified? Oh, boy. Uh Something hot in here? Ma'am, you probably don't recognize me because I look that much younger in person, but it is me. The one and only Donald Davenport. Davenport Industries? America's most dashing tech mogul three years running? Oh, boy. We're less concerned with what our members do than how they behave. We focus more on integrity. These mints are free, right? Tell me why your family should be part of ours. Family? Do we need a family? 'Cause we've got one. We've got a, uh A daughter. No, we don't. Yes, yes. Sorry. Yes, a daughter. We have a daughter. Then you should have brought her with you. We did. She's waiting in the car. Stop talking! By all means, bring her in. Great, now what are we gonna do? I don't know, I saw some kids in the parking lot? Just let me handle it. Can you excuse me for just one second? I know what you're thinking. Trophy wife. Hello. Perry won't stop lying. She said we have a daughter, so I need you to super-speed down and join the fun. Ha, no way. Wait, will this get me out of father-daughter time? Get down here. You and I will have plenty of father-daughter time in prison! Get off the phone and let's do this. There's my ugly duckling. All right, it's your turn to give her mouth-to-mouth. Okay, but shouldn't I at least take her out to dinner first? You better learn CPR fast, because your jokes are dying. What's going on? I don't know. Uh-uh. Is that what I think it is? If you think it's a lame attempt by my brothers to scare me with a stupid rubber fin, then yes. Why would they do that? They are the ones afraid of sharks. You know kids. They're just weird. Man, the cyborg shark is working perfectly. Yeah, let's release the other two sharks before my hand get stuck in them. Yeah. All right, all right, all right. You got me. Now cut it out or Janelle's gonna leave. Should have thought about that before you mocked us in front of the whole school. Look. Sometimes with the ladies you have to embellish to make yourself look good. You'll understand this when you have ladies of your own one day. Well, you will. Hey! Chase will have a girlfriend. Thank you, Adam. Yeah, I mean, once Leo and Janelle are done practicing CPR on her, she's all yours. Are we done? Is she in? Can I go? Not quite yet. We like to know what our members do outside of the club. Any hobbies you'd like to tell me about? None that are legal. Travel! We like to travel. So do I. Peru is my favorite spot. I collect Mochican pottery from there. What a coincidence. So do we. We have some in the car. Well, I'd love to see it. Um, sweetie, can you go out to the car and get the pottery from Peru? Really? Mint? Finally. Oh, it's beautiful. Next you'll tell me you collect Inuit art from Alaska. We do! Alaska? Do you have a parka that I could borrow? Hey, Janelle, what are you doing up there? Trying to remember why I ever come to this house. Your fake shark just ate my real shoe! Whoa. Whoa. I thought you turned it off. I did. Oh no, the cyborg shark must have artificial intelligence. It's ignoring my commands. Oh, calm down. Just hit the off switch. I know exactly where it is, I was elbow deep in that thing for two hours. Whoa! Where'd it go? Man, you think you know a mechanical shark and then he just turns on you. The shark is blocking my commands to shut it down and it's taken over the home security system. So there is a shark loose in our house that's trying to eat us? We're going to die! Since we're all goners there's a few things I need to get off my chest. I've always wanted to be a florist. But I don't wanna pick 'em. I just wanna arrange 'em. Oh, and Leo was the one who was screaming at the movies. That was you? You said you weren't afraid of sharks. Why did you lie to me? Uh Hey, you know what'll fix this? Some daffodils. I have to admit, you didn't strike me as people I'd want to see strolling our grounds in tennis shorts, but how could I not lobby for a family who shares so many of my own interests? And to think we had all of these lovely items you adore just sitting in the trunk of our car. Welcome to the club. Hear that, Donnie? We did it! That's great. Let's get out of here snookums. I'll have your ID badges ready tomorrow. Oh, I didn't catch your name. It's Bree. It's Julia. It's Julia. It's Bree. You don't know your own daughter's name? I get all my kids' names mixed up. Wait, you didn't tell me you had more children. Yep, six in all, and twenty-one grandchildren, couple llamas, and a goldfish named Silvio. Who are not out in the car. This is getting ridiculous. We've been up here forever. I'm out of here. Janelle, no! Look out! Jump on the couch! Wait, we have two smaller sharks. Maybe I can program them to attack the big one. Oh, they're right here. That's weird. Where'd they go? I think I found 'em. So you didn't get in? But, I mean, there's plenty of other places that will let you in like a truck stop or prison. You don't get it. I'm always the outsider looking in, but here people would've been forced to hangout with me. They would've found a way not to. Guess I'm gonna be alone forever. Thanks for trying. Look, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually kind of feel bad for her. Me too. Oh well, let's go. We have to try at least one more time. You're right. Sometimes I forget that underneath her layers of venom, there lies a troll with a tiny dried out raisin of a heart. All right, come on. You'll have to reconsider. We only lied about being a family to impress you because she wants to be a part of this club more than anything. Yeah, Terry Perry may not be family, but we'd be honored if she was. Trust me, there is no living thing on Earth quite like her. Not happening. Oh, well, perhaps my checkbook could make it happen? As I said, our club prides itself on its integrity. I believe you spell "integrity" with three more zeroes. Congratulations, you're in! Not so fast! I don't want any part of this dump. What? You heard me. I always wanted to be a part of something, but now I realized I already am. You love me. Then why would I want to be here when we've got each other? All summer long. What? No! Well, that backfired. Ah! Hang in there, Janelle. What are we gonna do? We can't use our bionics in front of her. Leo, do something! Help! No! Uh-oh. Oh, no. It's okay. I'm all right. Where is he? I don't know. Sorry, sharks. This beach is closed. You did it! Thank you for saving me, and for buying me a new pair of shoes. I'm a size 7. Great job! Since you took down the big shark, the other one's automatically deactivated. Dude, I can't believe you got over your fear of sharks. I guess I was more afraid of never having a girlfriend. Wait. How were you able to deactivate the shark without getting bit? Easy. I jammed the dummy's head in its mouth and turned it off. I took that thing down and didn't even get a scratch. Yep. Not a scratch. Mmm. Minty. You know, some people do that with their mouth closed. 'Cause they don't know how to get the flavor out. Get used to it, I'm gonna be here all summer long. Guys, she's choking! Leo, you know CPR. Give her mouth-to-mouth. You don't give someone who's choking CPR, you give them the Heimlich. Oh, I know how to do that. Get up. Did that just go in your Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's okay! I know mouth-to-mouth! Ooh, no! No! No! No!