Win a Shiny New Car

Transcript for Win a Shiny New Car
(Scene: The Botsford house.  We start out seeing an overall view of the house from the street, when the family car suddenly drives up quickly and stops in front.  Inside, Becky and Bob sit on the couch, dressed up and having a pretend tea party.)

Narrator: It’s just another quiet day at the Botsford home. Becky and Bob are having their daily tea party when...

(Sally Botsford runs up the sidewalk outside the window and bursts through the front door.)

Mrs. Botsford: Turn on the TV! Turn on the TV! My show’s coming on!

(Seymour Smooth’s voice comes from the TV.)

Seymour: I’m your handsome and charming host-- Seymour Orlando Smooth. And it’s time to play, Who Wants to Win a Shiny New Car?

(Sounds of applause from an audience.)

Seymour: Are you ready?

Mrs. Botsford: I’m READY!!

Becky: But Mom, you’re not even playing.

Mrs. Botsford: I know, dear, but when I watch this show, I dream that it’s me up there onstage, winning that shiny new car!

Seymour: Before we start our game, let’s meet our contestants. First our challengers, Russell and Susan Bohannon.

(The challengers are standing behind a podium shaped like the front of a car.)

Russell: We’re very happy to be here!

Susan: (in a deadpan voice)  Yes. We’re elated.

Seymour: Great. Now tell us a little bit about yourselves.

Russell: Well, I work as a--

Seymour: Outstanding! That’s terrific. Now, let’s meet our returning champions. They’ve won an amazing eighty-six games in a row. They’ve never missed a single question. They’re the smartest contestants we’ve ever had! Please welcome Harry Kempel and Chip Von Dumor!

(They are also standing behind a podium shaped like a car.)

Harry: It’s good to be here.

Chip: Yeah. Great.

Seymour: Now tell us, how do you know so much about everything?

Harry: We’re, like, real smart?

Chip: Yeah. Real smart.

Becky: They don’t seem very smart.

Seymour: Here’s how the game works. I’m going to ask our challengers a question. If they get it wrong, our champions will get a chance to answer that same question correctly and win that shiny new car!

Mrs. Botsford: Shiny new car!

Seymour: Now, I promise I have not told any of the contestants the answer to the question. Isn’t that right, Harry and Chip?

Harry: That’s right. You did not tell us the answer?

Seymour: Right. Because if I did that, I’d be breaking the rules, and we all know this show is completely legitimate. That means it follows the rules and gives each contestant a fair chance at winning.

Chip: Yeah. This show is... legiga--like--ledigami--uh--

Seymour: Okay, that’s great, fellas. Now it’s time for me to ask tonight’s question to our challengers. Tell me, there’s a famous statue of a lady in New York--

Russell: It’s the Statue of Liberty! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Susan: He’s right. We win.

Seymour: No! You don’t because that’s not the question. The question is, how tall is the Statue of Liberty in feet?

(As the clock ticks away, the Bohannons have puzzled looks on their faces.)

Becky: Who would know that?!

Russell: Sorry. We don’t know.

Susan: No.

Seymour: Ooh! That’s too bad. Then we’ll have to ask our champions.

(Russell starts crying while Susan comforts him. Seymour goes over to the champions.)

Seymour: If they can tell me the answer, they’ll win that shiny new car.

Harry: (looking down at his hand)  The Statue of Liberty is 152 feet tall.

Chip: And it’s a statue.

Seymour: Correct! The champions have won again!

(They attempt to high-five each other, and end up slapping each other in the face.)

Becky: How could they possibly have known that?

Mrs. Botsford: Because they’re super smart.

Becky: I don’t know, Mom. I’m getting the feeling that this game isn’t really legitimate. I think someone could be breaking the rules!

(On the game show, Seymour hands the Bohannon family a play-at-home game. He gives them a thumbs up, then tells them to leave.  Once they are gone, the champions walk up to him.)

Seymour: Heh-heh-heh, good work boys,. We fooled everybody again.

Harry: I love winning new cars!

Seymour: I’m also elated. My plan is working perfectly. I give you the answers before the show, you keep winning the game, and we get to keep these shiny new cars for ourselves!

Harry: But aren’t we cheating?

Seymour: Of course we’re cheating. If we played by the rules and ran a legitimate game show, you two numbskulls would never win.

Harry: I guess you’re right.

Chip: Yeah. You’re right. We’re so lucky to have a smart brother like you.

Seymour: Yes. Yes, you are.

Harry: But Seymour, what happens if someone else gets the question right?

Seymour: Ha ha! Are you kidding? That’ll never happen. The questions I ask are way too hard. Anyone who comes on this show has absolutely no chance of winning.

(Scene: The Botsford home.  Sally Botsford is excited about something.)

Mrs. Botsford: Wow! Waah! Ooh! Hoo hoo hoo! (laughs hysterically) I just got a letter from the TV station. I’m going to be a contestant on that show, “Who Wants a Shiny New Car?” WAAH!

(Tim Botsford is carrying a tray of food, and throws it into the air.)

Mr. Botsford: WHOA! Hold the phone! That means you might have a chance to win a shiny new car!

Mrs. Botsford: I know! I’m so elated !

Becky: Mom, I know you’re very happy, but--

Mrs. Botsford: What’s wrong, Becky? Don’t you want me to win a shiny new car?

(Mr. Botsford walks by Sally carrying another tray of food. He drops it and grabs her to console her.)

Becky: Of course I do, Mom. But I really think the show isn’t legitimate. You won’t be getting a fair chance. You might lose.

Mrs. Botsford: Oh, Becky, if I lost, I’d be so... (whimpering) ...sad and miserable.

(Bob chatters.)

Becky: Yes, Bob. Miserable is the opposite of elated.

Mrs. Botsford: Don’t worry, because I think we can win. Your father’s really smart, and I’m going to bring him on the show with me!

(Tim walks behind her again carrying a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs. He freezes in place like a deer in headlights.)

Mr. Botsford: I’m going to be on TV? Ha ha ha!

(He falls on the floor, and the spaghetti and meatballs go flying. They fall onto his head.)

Becky: Dad!

Mr. Botsford: What just happened?

Becky: You just fainted after we told you you were going to be on TV.

Mr. Botsford: I’m going to be on TV? Ha ha ha!

(He faints again.)

Becky: Mom, maybe you should bring me on the show.

Mrs. Botsford: Oh, you got that right, Becky. Your father can’t take the pressure of show business.

(He revives, sits up and leans toward her, still covered in meatballs and spaghetti.)

Mr. Botsford: Can’t take what?

Mrs. Botsford: I’ll tell you in a minute, dear, when you’re lying down.

Mr. Botsford: Okay! (He faints again.)

Mrs. Botsford: Becky, you come on the show with me, okay?

Becky: You got it, Mom. (To herself) I’m going to beat Seymour at his own game.

Narrator: The next day at the TV studio...

(Scene: The studio.  Harry and Chip are getting ready for the show, when Seymour comes up to them.)

Seymour: Alright, fellas, the show is about to start. So now, I’m going to tell you tonight’s answer. The Eiffel Tower is 985 feet tall. That’s the answer. Got it?

(Chip writes the answer on his hand.)

Harry: Got it.

Seymour: Good. Now, come on. It’s time to start the show.

(The show begins.)

Seymour: Is everybody ready to play “Who Wants to Win a Shiny New Car”? Let’s meet today’s challengers-- Mrs. Botsford and her daughter Becky!

Mrs. Botsford: Seymour, can I say how elated I am to be here?

Seymour: You just did.

(Sally Botsford makes a loud cat sound, somewhere between a meow and a purr.)

Seymour: Heh-heh. Alright, Becky, are you ready to play the game?

Becky: Oh, I’m ready, all right.

Seymour: Great. Now, I’m going to ask you a perfectly legitimate question. If you don’t get it right, our returning champions will have a chance to answer it. Here is your question. There’s a tower in Paris--

Mrs. Botsford: It’s the Eiffel tower! Do I win?

Seymour: You do IF you can tell me how tall the Eiffel tower is in feet.

Mrs. Botsford: Oh! My, aah... Ahh...

Seymour: I don’t think that’s an answer. You have one minute to give me an answer.

(The clock ticks down.)

Becky: Mom, I think I can figure it out if I could just step outside and get some fresh air.

Mrs. Botsford: Oh, okay. But be quick!

(Becky starts to walk offstage, but Seymour stops her.)

Seymour: Wait! You’re not going to look up the answer in a book, are you?

Becky: No.

Seymour: Then, sure. I’ll give you one minute. But I don’t see what good it’s going to do you.

(They both chuckle.)

Becky: Yeah. You’re probably right.

(She walks over to Bob, who is trying to eat popcorn from a discarded vending machine. He is so disgusted by the dried out and dusty popcorn that he falls into a box on the floor containing props.  Becky pulls him out of the box, and he is wearing a wig and French beret.)

Becky: Bob, if we want to find out how tall the Eiffel tower is, there’s only one place we should go. Word UP!

(She transforms into WordGirl and takes off with Bob/Huggy. A few seconds later, they arrive in Paris.)

WordGirl: Here we are in Paris! And here’s the Eiffel tower.

''(She flies down to a nearby park, where a Frenchman sits on a bench playing an accordion.)

WordGirl: Excuse me, sir, but do you know anything about the Eiffel tower?

Man: I’m so elated that you would ask! The Eiffel tower was built in 1889 to mark the 100th anniversary of the French Revolution and to open the famous World’s Fair.

(Huggy, who has started eating some pastries sitting next to the man, holds up his pocket watch and points.)

WordGirl: That’s really interesting, but I--

Man: It was named after its designer, Gustave Eiffel.

WordGirl: I’m sorry, but I don’t have much time. Can you just tell me how tall the Eiffel tower is in feet?

Man: The Eiffel tower is 985 feet tall.

WordGirl: Oh, thank you so much! Merci. Heh heh. Come on, Huggy!

(She takes off with Huggy.)

(Scene: Back at the TV studio.  Over half of the time has expired.  Chip is standing behind his podium snoring.  WordGirl is flying at top speed toward the studio with Huggy clinging on for dear life.)

Seymour: (to Sally)  It’s almost been a minute. If Becky isn’t back in time, I’m afraid you’ll lose--

(Out of nowhere, Becky jumps into position next to her mom.)

Becky: I’m back! And I think I know the answer.

Seymour: (chuckling)  Okay, take a wild guess.

Becky: 985 feet.

Seymour: 900-- Oh! That’s the correct answer.

Mrs. Botsford: Oh, I won! I won! I won! I won! (She screams excitedly.)

(The audience cheers and applauds.)

Seymour: Um, not just yet. Remember, this is a legitimate game. That means our champions must be given a legitimate chance to win. Therefore, I will now ask them a new question. If they get it wrong, the Botsfords will win the--

(Sally continues screaming in excitement.)

Seymour: Yes, yes. The shiny new car. Ugh. Alright. Harry and Chip, here is your question. What-- is one plus one?

(He holds out two fingers in front of them. They both look confused.)

Chip: Uh...

Seymour: Ugh! How can you TWO nincompoops not know this?!

Harry: Because you didn’t tell us the answer before the show!

Chip: Yeah. You’re our brother. You’re supposed to make sure we win!

(The audience gasps. Sally stares at Seymour with her mouth hanging open.)

Becky: Seymour, I KNEW you were cheating!

Seymour: No I wasn’t.

Becky: If you were giving them the answers before the show, that’s cheating. And cheating on a gameshow is against the law! You all belong in jail!

Seymour: Mmmmmmm-maybe, but ZING!

(He opens his mouth and a blinding light comes from his mouth.)

Becky: Ahh! Smile’s... too... bright! I can’t see!

Mrs. Botsford: My eyes!

Becky: Have to talk... like... this!

Mrs. Botsford: I’m... talking that way too because... the--

Becky: You know what? It helps if you keep them short, Mom.

Mrs. Botsford: Oh, oh okay. My eyes!

Becky: Nice!

Harry: Seymour, tell us how we will-- also get away.

Seymour: I’m glad you asked. We’ll be escaping in style in this all-new Luxurion turbo sedan with fine Corinthian leather and AM/FM radio. Now, hop in. Let’s go!

(While Becky and her mom are still struggling to see, Seymour takes off with his brothers in the car. Bob chatters.)

Becky: I know, Bob. They’re getting away. We’ve got to stop them. Word UP!

Mrs. Botsford: Becky? Is it safe to look yet? Becky?

(Scene: on the street.outside the studio, Seymour and the brothers are making their getaway.)

Seymour: Ha ha! We’re getting away!

Harry: In this really fun car! It’s got everything we wanted.

Chip: Yeah. And look at this! It even flies.

Seymour: Right. It-- wait a minute. Cars don’t fly!

WordGirl: This one does!

(She is below the car with Huggy, carrying it with her through the air.)

Seymour: WordGirl. Well, I’m certainly not elated to see you here.

WordGirl: You shouldn’t be.

(Seymour repeatedly bangs his head against the windshield as WordGirl carries the car inside the walls of the prison.)

WordGirl: Narrator, tell them what they’ve won.

Narrator: You’ve got it, WordGirl. For breaking the rules, you three cheaters have won a long vacation right here in not-so-luxurious county jail!

Seymour: (sarcastically)  Great.

Narrator: That’s right, jail, where you’ll spend your days and nights making license plates, eating disgusting food, and sleeping on some of the most uncomfortable beds in the world! Congratulations!

Seymour and the brothers:  (together) Thank you.

Chip: Yeah.

WordGirl: (to the warden)  Our work here is done. Now, let’s go. Word UP!

(As she leaves, Dr. Two-Brains walks over to the car and admires it. WordGirl picks up the car and carries it off.)

Narrator: And so once again, WordGirl and her brave sidekick, Captain Huggy Face, save the day.

(WordGirl drops off the car in front of a bus stop, where Russell and Susan Bohannon are sitting on a bench waiting. The couple are excited to see the car.)

Narrator: Now, be sure to tune in next time and you’ll be elated by another legitimate ly thrilling adventure of WordGirl!