The Scavenger Vortex


 * Raj: I’m going to make you guys a scavenger hunt like they have at M.I.T.
 * Howard: Oh, I love those. I did them every year there.
 * Leonard: We did them at Princeton too.
 * Howard: Oh, that’s cute. Like it’s a real college.
 * Sheldon: Amusing. I was going to say that about M.I.T., but it works for Princeton, too.
 * Amy: Scavenger hunts at Harvard were really tough. I’d always get stuck on the first challenge; trying to find someone to be on a team with me. [Laughs] I guess that story’s more sad than funny.


 * Raj: Okay, go ahead and divide yourselves into teams of two.
 * Bernadette: We just do couples.
 * Leonard: Couples sounds great or we could mix things up maybe pick teams out of a hat. Whatever.
 * Penny: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Why don’t you just admit you don’t want to be on a team with me?
 * Leonard: I just said couples sound great.
 * Penny: Hm-mm. Yeah. You don’t think I’m smart enough. You just think I’m going to be a liability. Even though I totally just used liability correctly in a sentence. {Amy nods at her.}
 * Leonard: No, let’s do couples. I want to.
 * Penny: Oh no, no. Let’s mix things up. I choose Sheldon and we’re going to kick your ass.
 * Sheldon: Really? The only time I ever get picked first for the team and I’m stuck with the liability.
 * Amy: Stop that. Penny is not a liability.
 * Penny: Thank you. Do you want me to be on my team?
 * Amy: Maybe we pick names out of a hat?


 * [Montage scene at Penny's apartment]
 * Penny: All right, hurry up and close the door so they can’t hear us.
 * (Sheldon enters the room grumpily with a backpack on himself)
 * Penny: (she is so angry with Sheldon) Would you stop pouting? So, you picked my name. Get over it.
 * Sheldon: Yes, and do you know what the odds are I’d pick your name?
 * Penny: No.
 * Sheldon: It’s not hard, one in five. Now you know why I’m pouting.
 * Raj: (over walkie-talkie) All right, teams. Get ready to open your first puzzle. Go. Do you see what I did? The first puzzle is a puzzle. Oh, my God, how adorable is that? I wish I had a friend like me.
 * Sheldon: What are you doing? You have to start with the edges.
 * Penny: Well, there’s no right way, Sheldon. I already found a few pieces that fit.
 * Sheldon: Yeah, well, take them apart and start with the edges. And stop wasting time.


 * Howard: Wow, you’re really good at puzzles.
 * Amy: I did them all the time as a kid. As my mom used to say when you’re doing a puzzle, it’s like having a thousand friends. She was full of fun lies like that.
 * Howard: If it’ll make you feel any better, my mom was just full of pound cake.
 * Amy: Sorry you got stuck with me. I bet you wanted to be with Bernadette.
 * Howard: Have you ever played a game with Bernadette?
 * Amy: No.
 * Howard: Have you ever gone into a steel cage with a wolverine?


 * [Montage scene of Leonard's bedroom where a nervous Leonard and a totally cross Bernadette sorting out the puzzle pieces]
 * Bernadette: (she's yelling at Leonard crossly) Faster, faster, faster! (she's yelling angrily like Mrs. Wolowitz) Do you not know that word? It means more fast!
 * Leonard: (timid) Stop yelling at me.
 * Bernadette: (she is so enormously cross) Hey, you’ll know when I’m yelling at you.


 * [Montage scene at Penny's apartment where Penny recognizes the pieces of the puzzle picture]
 * Penny: Ooh, ooh, it’s the comic book store. All right, come on, that’s where we have to go.
 * Sheldon: But we haven’t finished the puzzle.
 * Penny: But, it, it doesn’t matter. We know the answer, come on.
 * Sheldon: You think you know the answer. But it could be a trick. What if when the puzzle’s complete, there’s a sign in the window that says go to the train store?
 * Penny: Okay, it’s not gonna say that.
 * Sheldon: Well, I hope you’re wrong. I really want to go to the train store.
 * [Penny groans by this]


 * [Montage scene at Apartment 4A where Howard and Amy recognize the picture in their puzzle pieces]
 * Howard: It’s the comic book store. Let’s go.
 * [both he and Amy run out of the room together]


 * [Montage scene of Bernadette getting up off Leonard's bedroom floor and ordering angrily at Leonard after recognizing the picture on their puzzle pieces]
 * Bernadette: (she yells angrily like Mrs. Wolowitz again) Come on, numb nuts, it’s the comic book store.
 * [She opens the bedroom door in a hurry and Leonard does not budge]


 * [Montage scene of Sheldon looking for the last empty hole in the puzzle to put the piece in, the frustrated Penny paces to the door angrily for one second and walks up to Sheldon yells angrily at him]
 * Penny: (she's getting really angry) It’s the comic book store, it’s the comic book store, (she shouts with a final piece of angry frustration) it’s the comic book store!
 * [Sheldon has picked up the piece again and starts to find the hole for it]
 * Penny: (she's so fed up and worn out) Humph!
 * [Sheldon now puts the puzzle piece in the hole at last. looks down at it and thinks for a second. Penny glares angrily at Sheldon for a second and Sheldon has finished thinking about the puzzle picture]
 * Sheldon: It’s the comic book store.
 * Penny: (she's yelling with angry rage) Oh!
 * [they both finally exit]


 * [The scene of Leonard’s car where Leonard is driving Bernadette to the comic book store. Bernadette is still in a big flaming mood of anger].
 * Leonard: Do you think Penny’s mad at me?
 * Bernadette: (she is still very cross with him) Because you’re in the right lane behind a bus and you won’t go around it? I’m sure she finds it charming.
 * Leonard: (sadly) No, because I didn’t want her on my team.
 * Bernadette: (she is now even more cross with him) I’m starting to think she dodged a bullet. The slowest bullet in the world.
 * Leonard: (with quiet disgust) Geez, I never realized you were so competitive.
 * Bernadette: (moans at him) Yeah, I know. Its, it’s probably because I grew up with five brothers and sisters so I had to fight for every… (She yells at him loudly with the biggest burst of anger) Oh, my God, you did not just slow down for a bird! You know they fly, right?
 * (Leonard looks worried at Bernadette for a second).

Scene: Howard’s car.
 * Amy: I think this is the first time we’ve ever actually been alone together.
 * Howard: Huh, I guess you’re right. Wonder why that is?
 * Amy: Well, off the top of my head, I’d say we don’t have a lot in common except for the people we’re involved with. Plus, when we first met, Penny warned me never to get into a car alone with you.
 * Howard: Yeah. You know, I bet you and I have more in common than we think.
 * Amy: Such as?
 * Howard: I don’t know. Tell me some things you like.
 * Amy: Uh, let’s see. I like harps, Little House on the Prairie, medieval poetry, medieval literature…
 * Howard: Hey, how about some music?
 * Amy: Great. Sheldon never lets me listen to music in the car. He doesn’t want to be mistaken for a gang member.
 * Howard: Find something you like.
 * Amy: Beatles, boring. Eminem, scary. Weird Al? How old are you? Neil Diamond?
 * Howard: Yeah, I love Neil Diamond.
 * Amy: I love Neil Diamond.
 * Both: Sweet Caroline, bum-ba-da, good times never seemed so good, so good, so good, so good. I’ve been inclined…


 * Raj: Oh, hey, thanks for letting me use the comic book store as part of the scavenger hunt.
 * Stuart: Oh, my pleasure. Always happy to help out with fun things that I wasn’t invited to be a part of.
 * Raj: Oh, congratulations. You’re the first team to arrive.
 * Amy: Yes, it’s not a ruse to make fun of me. It’s a real game and I’m winning it.
 * Raj: Your next puzzle is a riddle. And who better to give it to you than The Riddler?
 * (Howard starts to take the envelope down just as we enter the worn-out Leonard and the hugely cross Bernadette)
 * Bernadette: (she's yelling with a ginormous burst of anger from out of vision to the inside of the comic store) Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
 * (She yells so loudly at Leonard with huge anger in her voice of Mrs. Wolowitz)
 * Bernadette: How am I faster than you? I’m in heels and I stopped to take a phone call!
 * (Scene of the tired and angry Leonard catching breath by the counter)
 * Leonard: (He is so angry at Bernadette) I have asthma. Back off!
 * (Both Bernadette and Leonard walk to another part of the store whilst Howard reads his riddle to Amy)
 * Howard: Riddle me this. Arrah, Arrah, and gather round, the work of this hero is legion-bound. He multiplies by the number of He, and in this room the thing you’ll see.
 * Raj: Good riddle, huh?
 * Stuart: Yeah. So when you guys plan fun activities, does my name even come up, or…?
 * Raj: I invited you to my murder mystery party.
 * Stuart: No, you didn’t.
 * Raj: Oh.
 * (Enter the hugely angry Penny)
 * Penny: Ugh, we’re the last ones here, hurry up!
 * (Sheldon follows her in)
 * Sheldon: It is a marathon, not a sprint.
 * Penny: (she is so completely angry with Sheldon) People run in a marathon!
 * Sheldon: Not with a bowling ball on their back.
 * Leonard: Hey, Penny, I just wanted to say good luck, and I hope there’s no hard feelings.
 * (Bernadette is enormously angry with Leonard again)
 * Bernadette: (she punches Leonard's chest hard) Hey, Romeo! (she shouts at him violently with double-anger) Repair your relationship on your own time!
 * Leonard: Relax, it’s a hard puzzle. It’s gonna take a while to solve.
 * (Penny reads her riddle)
 * Penny: Riddle me this…
 * Sheldon: Got it.
 * (Bernadette crossly looks at Sheldon and Penny leaving)
 * Penny: Hey, Princeton, look at that, Team Community College Night School is in the lead.
 * Sheldon: I thought we were the Lightning Sharks.
 * (Bernadette turns round to face Leonard crossly)
 * Howard: Hey, you know what this could mean (He whispers in Amy's ear).
 * (Bernadette gazes angrily at Amy speaking)
 * Amy: (out of vision) Oh, oh, that’s good. (Scene of Howard and Amy) Then this would be (She whispers back to Howard in his ear)
 * Howard: That’s it.
 * Amy: To the Neil-mobile!
 * (Both Howard and Amy run out of the store with excitement)
 * Bernadette: (she's still completely angry with Leonard) I knew it, we’re gonna lose.
 * Leonard: Wait, I got it. I got it.
 * Bernadette: (she yells at him with enormous anger for the final time) Congratulations, you got it last!
 * (Bernadette now leaves in a huff. Leonard thinks for a bit and he now starts to exit)
 * Leonard: (he yells to Bernadette who is now out of sight) You’re really mean, you know that?
 * (Raj finally follows Leonard out and shuts the door behind him. Stuart now looks around the comic store which is now completely deserted by this point).
 * Stuart: (sadly) So no one’s gonna buy anything.


 * Howard: On the boats and on the planes.
 * Amy: They’re coming to America.
 * Howard: Never looking back again.
 * Amy: They’re coming to America… ♪


 * (The scene of the still angry Bernadette driving Leonard’s car badly).
 * Leonard: (he's quite giddy) Um, I’m okay with you driving my car. I’m not okay with you flying my car.
 * Bernadette: (she informs him crossly) Don’t sweat it, my dad’s a cop. He can fix things.
 * (She angrily continues driving badly)
 * Leonard: (confused) Uh-huh. Like death?
 * Bernadette (she yells out of the window in complete rage): Your kid may be an honour student. but you’re a moron!
 * Leonard: Penny’s not answering my texts.
 * Bernadette: (1st time: snappy and cross) Who cares? Focus on the game.
 * Leonard: This stupid game is why she’s mad in the first place. I’m telling her I’m quitting.
 * Bernadette: (2nd time: snappy and cross) No. Quitting would be the worst thing for your relationship.
 * Leonard: Why?
 * Bernadette: (3rd time: snappy and cross) Because it would make you seem like something she already thinks you are.
 * Leonard: What does she think I am?
 * Bernadette: (4th time: snappy and cross) How do I put this? She’s been known to call you a name that usually applies to a lady part.
 * (Leonard looks at her and doesn't respond)
 * Bernadette: (5th time: snappy and cross) Or a cat.
 * (Leonard tries to think of what to answer before Bernadette runs out of ideas)
 * Bernadette: (final time: snappy and cross) Or a willow.
 * Leonard: (He is nearly in tears) I can’t believe she would say that about me.
 * Bernadette: (she's so gigantically fed up and cross by this) If you’re gonna cry about it there’s tissues in my purse. Unless you got some in yours. Big willow.
 * (Leonard looks hurtfully at Bernadette for one second)


 * Howard: They’re coming to America, They’re coming to America.
 * Amy: Today!
 * Howard: Today!
 * Together: Today! Today!


 * Sheldon: Okay, another 30 feet.
 * Penny: Okay. Oh, it’s a bowling alley.
 * Sheldon: Yes. Yes. (he holds up his bowling ball in victory) My brain is better than EVERYBODY'S!


 * (The apartment hallway scene where Leonard is lowering himself down to the lift shaft)
 * Leonard: Call me a lady part. We’ll see about that.
 * Bernadette: (she calls down to him crossly) Can you reach the clue?
 * Leonard: (out of vision) Almost.
 * Bernadette: (she yells loudly with huge anger to him) Hurry, Sheldon and Penny were right behind us in the bowling alley.
 * Leonard: Got it.
 * Bernadette: (she's still completely angry) Great, climb back up.
 * (Scene of Leonard's hands coming up on the cables)
 * Bernadette: (she shouts loudly in huge angry volume to Mrs. Wolowitz) Come on!
 * Leonard: (out of vision) Yeah, Penny might be onto something.
 * (Bernadette has had enough of this)


 * In Penny's car
 * Sheldon: To the planetarium!
 * Penny: Let's go!
 * In Leonard's car
 * Leonard: To the tar pits!
 * Bernadette: Let's go!
 * In Howard's car
 * Amy: There's a Neil Diamond concert next month.
 * Howard: Let's go!


 * (The scene of Leonard and Penny run into the laundry room)
 * Penny: (gasps) Three bags, no one’s opened ’em. we’re the first ones here.
 * Sheldon: It’s dirty laundry. You’re up.
 * Penny: What? Why me?
 * Sheldon: Because you’ve been training for this your whole life. You live in a pile of dirty laundry.
 * (Enter Leonard and Bernadette into the laundry room)
 * Bernadette: (1st time: she's a billion times angry) They’re here first. This is because you made me slow down for that blind guy.
 * Penny: Okay, the clue must be in the bag.
 * Leonard: The clue must be in the bag.
 * Penny: It’s just a bunch of pants.
 * Leonard: It’s just a bunch of pants.
 * Penny: You know, I’m surprised you want to copy my answers since I’m not even smart enough to be on your team.
 * Leonard: (angry at Penny) Well, why would you want to be on someone’s team who you like to call a, I can’t even say it in front of Sheldon.
 * Penny: What are you talking about?
 * Leonard: You know exactly what I’m talking about.
 * Bernadette: (2nd time: she's a billion times angry) No, she doesn’t. I just made that up.
 * Leonard: Why would you do that?
 * Bernadette: (3rd time: she's a billion times angry) Because you were about to quit like a big, Sheldon, cover your ears.
 * Sheldon: I’m not a child. I know the word ninny.
 * Penny: Yeah, well, you should have quit ’cause I’m still gonna beat your ass.
 * Bernadette: (4th time: she's a billion times angry) Wish I had a man like her on my team.
 * Leonard: Hey, I am every bit as much of a man as Penny. Now, let’s do this.
 * Sheldon: Wait, it’s not all pants, there’s one shirt.
 * Penny: Oh.
 * Sheldon: Hey, that’s my shirt.
 * Leonard: This one is, too.
 * Sheldon: No, no, that’s not mine. It has a big spot on it.
 * Penny: But wait. So does this one.
 * Bernadette: (She's quite worried) Maybe the spot’s the clue.
 * Penny: Sheldon’s spot. The coin is in your spot.
 * Sheldon: Oh, that’s clever.
 * Penny (shouts angrily off-screen): Hurry.
 * Sheldon: Be there in a minute. I just have to pre-soak these


 * Bernadette: Stop her, Leonard,
 * (Scene of Leonard and Penny running into the apartment)
 * Bernadette: (out of vision) stop her.
 * Penny: (with a loud shock of anger) Well, where the hell’s the coin?
 * Leonard: Wasn’t the answer Sheldon’s spot?
 * Raj: Oh, yes, Leonard. (Raj enters the room in his robe over his civilian clothes) Yes, it was.
 * Bernadette: (asks Raj crossly) Then where’s the coin?
 * Raj: Yes, exactly. Where is the coin?
 * Raj: Why don’t you look in your pockets?
 * (Bernadette, Leonard and Penny do as they are asked).
 * Raj: I slipped them in there earlier today.
 * Penny: (she is so cross) I don’t get it.
 * Raj: Don’t you see? When we’re all having fun together, we’re already winners. Oh, look. See? (he produces the found coin from Sheldon's spot) Even I’m a winner.
 * Leonard: (he is rather tired) Are you kidding me?
 * (Raj looks shocked by Leonard's question)
 * Penny: (shouts fortissimo) That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
 * (Raj opens his mouth worryingly to Penny)
 * Bernadette: (she's huffing to Raj crossly) You suck so hard.
 * 'Raj: Well, I thought… Come on, I didn’t want anyone to feel bad at the end of the game. And some of those puzzles were really hard and I didn’t know who was gonna get Penny.
 * Penny: (orders him with low anger) Run.
 * Raj: Okay, okay, that-that came out wrong, but you have to admit, you all had a wonderful time.
 * Penny': (orders him with low anger again) Run to India.
 * (Scene of Raj sobbing with rage whilst running down the stairway just as Sheldon arrives)
 * Raj: I just wanted to do something beautiful.
 * (Sheldon enters the apartment to see Bernadette and Leonard sulking on the couch and Penny sulking on the armchair. All three of them are looking mega-fully cross by seeing him).
 * Sheldon (shows the trio the coin): Hey, look. I won.
 * (Sheldon tosses it and the scene ends).


 * (The ending scene of Howard and Amy doing karaoke night at the Cheesecake Factory)
 * Howard: Hey, she got the way to move me, Cherry,
 * Amy: She got the way to groove me.
 * Howard: Cherry, baby
 * Amy: She got the way to move me, honey.
 * Together: She got the way to groove me. She got the way to move me.
 * Howard: Cherry
 * Together: She got the way to groove me, yeah!