The Coach


 * Are you sure this is gonna work? 'cause I really don't want to go to gym class.
 * Ah! My legs are trying to kick my brain for just thinking about it. But don't you worry. Today's the day the plan works.
 * But it's already gone wrong so many times. Maybe we should just accept our fate and go to gym class. OW!
 * Don't say that word. You're making them angry. Just let me deal with this.
 * What is it? No, I haven't lost weight. No, I haven't done something new with my hair. No, you don't have the Bubonic Plague. No, you can't have a second opinion on that, therefore, no, you cannot get a note to skip gym class. What was that?
 * Don't worry about it. What's more important is that I respect you as a professional and I commend you for your dedication to medical practice. And for this, I would like to personally shake you by the hand.
 * Did you just give me a quarter?
 * And there's plenty more where that came from. How does a thousand cents sound to you?
 * Ten dollars?
 * How does a hundred cents sound to you?
 * A dollar? If I just wrote you a note now, would you promise never to come back?
 * I swear.
 * Hey, that's an I.O.U.
 * Told you it would work.
 * Why are you kids not in gym class?
 * We've got a sick note.
 * Where is this sick note exactly?
 * I think it's in there somewhere.
 * How convenient. You don't look very sick to me. And you look at me in the eye when I'm talking to you.
 * Uh... sure. Let me just take a step back. What the...? What's going on here? You don't seem to be getting any further away. Oh, there we go. Hi, mis...ter.
 * You can call me Coach. Now get to gym class.
 * Where is this sick note exactly?
 * I think it's in there somewhere.
 * How convenient. You don't look very sick to me. And you look at me in the eye when I'm talking to you.
 * Uh... sure. Let me just take a step back. What the...? What's going on here? You don't seem to be getting any further away. Oh, there we go. Hi, mis...ter.
 * You can call me Coach. Now get to gym class.
 * You can call me Coach. Now get to gym class.

Gym Class

 * What's going on?
 * I have no idea, but it's horrible!
 * Code Red! I repeat -- Code Red! This is not a drill! This body is exercising!
 * Somebody do something!
 * What do I do? what do we do? I can feel myself getting healthier!
 * Well, in circumstances like this, I think it's safe to say that now would be the right time to... FREAK OUT!
 * Hey, Watterson, If your sweat reaches me, I'm gonna invite you to a pain party, where the only guests are you, me and my fist.
 * It's not sweat. It's my organs crying.
 * Come on, Watterson. If you can't manage a simple push-up, how are you ever gonna do a cartwheel?
 * Why would I ever want to do a cartwheel?
 * Because everything you learn in gym class could make a difference in your life one day.
 * What possible use could I have for knowing how to do a cartwheel, apart from physically replacing the wheel on a cart?
 * Maybe the day you want to win gold in the 1986 Olympics.
 * That's not a cartwheel. That's just a photo of you upside down.
 * Yeah, well, that still doesn't prove it's useful.
 * Oh, really? Jamie, you're running being chased by a pack of angry dogs, but oh, no, you've dropped your pen. Now, do you let those dogs have that hard-earned pen, or do you cartwheel your way out of it like a boss?
 * Statistically, that is quite unlikely, but in that highly illogically and incredibly specific situation, I guess you do have a point. But what about that stuff?
 * Let me paint you a picture. You're being chased by another pack of angry dogs. You've reached a ravine with only asymmetric bars allowing you to reach the other side. They want your pen. What do you do?
 * I guess I'd just turn on my jet pack, fly over the ravine, land in my flying car, and drive to space.
 * That's completely unrealistic. Jamie, come here and show Watterson how you would do it.
 * Perfect. You remind me of me at your age.
 * Except for the fact she has a neck.
 * Faster. That's not how you take gold at the '96 Olympics.
 * Oooooh, man! That was my pants!
 * Try and go faster! Speed will blur your shame.
 * I can't! I'm at full speed! Do something! Anything!
 * Hold on! I'm gonna try and put them back on in three, two...
 * Okay, so you've just been to the mall, but suddenly in the car park, you see a pack of angry dogs who --
 * Yeah, yeah. Why don't we just let Jamie show us how to do it?
 * And that is how you win three gold medals in trampolining. Now show me what you got.
 * Higher. Higher. Higher.
 * Angry dogs -- three. Watterson -- nil. Lesson over.
 * Try and go faster! Speed will blur your shame.
 * I can't! I'm at full speed! Do something! Anything!
 * Hold on! I'm gonna try and put them back on in three, two...
 * Okay, so you've just been to the mall, but suddenly in the car park, you see a pack of angry dogs who --
 * Yeah, yeah. Why don't we just let Jamie show us how to do it?
 * And that is how you win three gold medals in trampolining. Now show me what you got.
 * Higher. Higher. Higher.
 * Angry dogs -- three. Watterson -- nil. Lesson over.
 * And that is how you win three gold medals in trampolining. Now show me what you got.
 * Higher. Higher. Higher.
 * Angry dogs -- three. Watterson -- nil. Lesson over.
 * Angry dogs -- three. Watterson -- nil. Lesson over.
 * Angry dogs -- three. Watterson -- nil. Lesson over.

School Cafeteria

 * How am I gonna eat? Coach worked all my muscle groups. Even my tongue hurts.
 * Coach told me I need to cut out the carbs. And that's all I am!
 * When Coach said they were gonna get us into shape, I never expected to look like this.
 * That workout was horrible. I actually feel alive.
 * If you don't get out of my way, you're gonna meet the new "Fistory" Teacher, Professor Knuckles, for a two-hour lesson of pain. Now move!
 * What are you still doing here?
 * To be honest, the pain from moving would be worse than the pain from your fists, so just go ahead.
 * The only type of fighting I tolerate is on the mat like when I won the gold medal in Tae Kwon do at the 1988 Olympics. Bandal Chagi. Dollyo Chagi. Yeop Chagi. Conan.  Jamie, you apologize to Watterson this instant.
 * Yes, Coach. I-I'm sorry, Coach.
 * Now, what do we say to people we've upset?
 * I'm sorry, Gumball, for what I said. Let's put our differences to bed. I hope these words will make amends and we can be the best of friends.
 * Yes, Coach. I-I'm sorry, Coach.
 * Now, what do we say to people we've upset?
 * I'm sorry, Gumball, for what I said. Let's put our differences to bed. I hope these words will make amends and we can be the best of friends.

The Next Day

 * What?
 * You apologised.
 * Yeah, whatever. You better shut up if you don't want Mr. and Mrs. Pain to invite you to dinner. They only serve filet o'fist!
 * It's okay, Jamie. You can left that anger go. You touched our hearts yesterday.
 * Oh, I'll touch your heart...with my fist!
 * That's...quite a vivid image, but understand you don't have to be a bully anymore. Coach saw what we were all too blind to see. That you're really a sweet, kind...orange thing with, uh, a hat or a wig or some kind of a helmet and horns that we're proud to call our friend.
 * I am not anyone's friend! The only friends I need are grandma and grandpa fist. And they don't give candy. I'm gonna show you! I'm gonna do something so bad, it'll go down in school history!
 * We're gonna have to work on Jamie's hugging technique.
 * You don't think Jamie's really gonna do anything bad, do you?
 * Of course not. Just because she fed Anton to the ducks... ...or that she chewed Teri's own body to spit it back in her face...  ...or that she ate a little bit of Sarah and Banana Joe.
 * Dude, stop talking about it! I can't take any more horrible flashbacks!
 * But people change. Just because she did all that doesn't mean she's capable of climbing into the back of a teacher's car to do something so bad that it'll go down in school history!
 * Dude, we got to do something!
 * Hold up! Let's try the easy way first. Coach! Coach! Coach!
 * Coach! Behind you! Coach! Coach! Watch out, Coach! COACH!
 * Dude, stop it! It's pretty clear Coach can't hear you.
 * You're right... JAMIE! JAMIE!
 * No, we need a shortcut. There! [They come to a path that is recently cemented, the cement still wet, with scaffolding poles]
 * [Spots the Coach's car] There they go!
 * All we got to do is get across that wet cement using those asymmetric scaffolding poles.
 * But how?
 * No, we need a shortcut. There! [They come to a path that is recently cemented, the cement still wet, with scaffolding poles]
 * [Spots the Coach's car] There they go!
 * All we got to do is get across that wet cement using those asymmetric scaffolding poles.
 * But how?


 * Because everything you learn in gym class can make a difference in your life one day.
 * Coach, you've got to pull over. Jamie's in the back of your car, and she's about to do terrible things to...
 * Kid, Im a vision, not a phone.
 * Okay, just imagine there's a pack of dogs doing some stuffs and you've got to get to the other side of that.
 * Hurry up! We're losing him!


 * No, wait, they're slowing down! We're not losing them! No, wait, they're going faster again! We're losing them! Oh no, they slowed down again! They're turning the corner! They're driving up the street!... They're gone!
 * [Break free of the cement covering him] How are we gonna find them now?


 * I cant see them yet!
 * There they are!
 * Where?
 * Over there!
 * I cant see where you're pointing!
 * Just follow me! [Gumball bounces off the trampoline to the direction of Coach's car, then fall downs the road. He yells after Coach's car] Coach! Watch out! [Looks at Darwin, who is running to Gumball] How come you look so good?
 * I walked around the block. What kind of psycho jumps over three streets?
 * Yeah, I was just in the moment, I guess.
 * Come on! Lets cut through this backyard and catch them on the other side!


 * Angry dogs, and I've got a pen in my pocket. What do we do?
 * We cartwheel out of here like a boss [Gumball and Darwin do cartwheels]
 * Okay, what do we do now?
 * Just keep on cartwheeling.
 * [Stop growling and confused at Gumball and Darwin's cartwheeling] Hrrhm?? [Gumball and Darwin continues cartwheeling, the Cube Dogs clear the way and observes Gumball and Darwin curiously]
 * and : There they are! Jamie! Coach watch out! Jamie, no!
 * Hey hey hey! How's my beautiful wife and daughter? [He kisses Coach and Jamie on the cheek]
 * and : What?
 * [Talking to Gumball and Darwin about his wife and daughter] Isnt the resemblance obvious?
 * What? You're shocked because mommy is now at school to keep me in check? You're shocked because no one have to be scared of me anymore and all I have is big talk? You're shocked because fist's license to punch is revoked as of now?
 * and : No, dude. We are shocked because COACH IS A WOMAN?

[Episode ends]