The Brave Little Toaster


 * Walter Winchell, Jr: [first lines] Good Morning, good morning, good morning! That was "A-Billion-And-One Strings" playing one of your all-time favorite tunes! At the top of the news this morning, there's monkey business in Utah. Oh, seriously, now. It seems that a band of renegade chimpanzees have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles and are demanding---
 * Kirby: What do you mean "what are we gonna do today"? The same thing we've done for the last 2,000 days: chores!
 * Radio: [repeated line] Listen to this.
 * Radio: Hang on to your hats, you devil dogs, because the master bebop blaster of all time is about to give you a soul injection!
 * Walter Winchell, Jr: Sorry, for that little interruption, folks. We return to our regularly scheduled program at this time.
 * Walter Winchell, Jr.: [Radio tries to pull his friends back out of the mud hole, but still gets dragged pulled down the slope] Well, that... uh... concludes our broadcast day; uh... week...! Actually, it concludes all future broadcasting of any sort!! [Radio gets dragged down into the mud hole] We'll sign off now with a... SUITABLE... TUNE!!! [Radio plays Al Jolson singing "Mammy" to send for help, while still getting dragged down into the mud hole]


 * Radio: North, by Northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.
 * [Lampy lands on Blanky]
 * Blanky: OUCH!
 * Toaster: What's wrong?
 * Blanky: He stepped on me!
 * Lampy: Did not.
 * Blanky: Did, too!
 * Lampy: Did not.
 * Blanky and Kirby: Did, too!
 * Lampy: Did not!
 * Toaster: Hey, hey, hey. Come on. How do guys expect us to get there if you're fighting all the time?
 * Blanky: You mean we're not there yet?
 * Toaster: [calmly and smiling] No, no, not yet. [rubs Blanky's head] We got a long way to go.
 * Kirby: Ohh, boy. You're tellin' me.
 * [18 seconds later]
 * Toaster: ♪ Life is like a journey on a road that's within. Head says you should stay, but your heart says to begin. So you go. ♪
 * Blanky, Radio, Kirby: ♪ But you don't want to go. ♪
 * Toaster: ♪ Any life worth living isn't life just filled with ease. You just stay forgiving through the forest and the trees. ♪
 * Toaster and Lampy: ♪ And you'll go, just where you want to go. ♪
 * Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky: ♪ Time fly by in the city of light. Time stands still in the country. There's no time for a fuss and a fight. As we travel the land. ♪
 * Lampy and Radio: ♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be, not denied. ♪
 * Toaster, Lampy and Radio: ♪ To reside with some pride. ♪
 * Toaster, Lampy, Radio, Blanky: ♪ While I ride to the City, The City of Light. ♪
 * Lampy: ♪ Light shines like a diamond in the City at night. ♪
 * Radio: ♪ When that diamond shines, you know that everything's all right. ♪
 * Kirby: ♪ But you know, we got a way to go. ♪
 * Blanky: ♪ Let us meet the master, we don't wanna make him wait. ♪
 * Lampy and Blanky: ♪ You just keep a-knockin' ♪
 * Toaster, Lampy, Blanky and Radio: ♪ He will open up the gate to that city of light! ♪
 * [Kirby goes behind a tree, doing his business. Blanky looks, and Toaster hits Blanky's head to give Kirby privacy.]
 * Lampy:  ♪ Master is a man with a plan I can understand. ♪
 * Toaster: ♪ Master is a man of great reflection. ♪
 * Radio: ♪ Master is a man who lays his hand across the land. ♪
 * Blanky: ♪ Master is a man of our affection. ♪
 * All: ♪ Time side by in the city of light. Time stands still in the country. There's no time for a fuss and a fight, as we travel the land. ♪
 * Lampy and Radio: ♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied ♪
 * All: ♪ To reside with some pride, while I ride to the City, the City of Light. ♪


 * Lampy: Hey, come over here. I'm gonna...
 * Radio: Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?
 * Lampy: Precisely: a total idiot!
 * Radio: If you sabre wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through in an instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley!
 * [Radio continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]
 * Radio: A blow for Richard! A blow for Marian! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl, and all the boys at the delicatessen! And here's one for the guys on 5th Street! Hey! No!
 * Kirby: [accidentally sucks up Blanky] Oh, whoa! Oh, no, what!
 * Lampy: [stops the battle.] Hey, what's going on? What's going on? Who turned on the lights?


 * Kirby: The battery's gone dead!
 * Radio: We're trapped like rats! Small little rats with no hair and one leg!
 * Toaster: [frantic] BLANKY! BLANKY?!?
 * Kirby: BLANKET?! Blanket! Where are you, you little wimp?!


 * Blanky: Wake up, wake up. Kirby!
 * Toaster: You're all right!
 * Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky: [happily] YAY!!!!
 * Kirby: [gutteral growl] Lay off, just lay off!
 * Toaster: What's the matter?
 * Lampy: We were worried about you.
 * Radio: You gave us a real scare, pal.
 * Kirby: Well, there's nothing wrong with me, pal, so just back off!
 * Blanky: Don't be angry.
 * Kirby: Just keep your antennas and knobs and wires and rivets off my chrome! Who needs you guys, anyway? Gotta drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight! I'd be better off without you!
 * Blanky: [hurtfully] But, Kirby--
 * Kirby: Especially you, you little rag.


 * Radio: Damn thee, thou cursed whale! From the depths of Hell, I stab at thee! [pokes Kirby]
 * Kirby: Climb on, you idiot!
 * Radio: Oh, it's you!
 * Kirby: Where's Toaster?
 * Lampy: He sank!


 * [the appliances stop at a clearing in a bramble patch]
 * Lampy: Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!
 * Kirby: Great. Let's spread out the blanket and have a picnic.
 * Blanky: But I'm full of stickers.
 * Kirby: Well, my bags are full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Whose idea was it to come this way anyway?
 * Radio: Why it was the Lamp's, I tell you!
 * Lampy: Oh, yeah? Who's supposed to be the big-shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth, Mr. Big... Loudmouth?!
 * Kirby: Yeah.
 * Toaster: Where are we, anyway?
 * Radio: Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second, and, uh... [notices a small pebble] Whoa, listen to this!
 * Walter Winchell, Jr.: It's the top of the 9th, the bases are all loaded, and Pee-Wee Reese is at the plate. Here's the pitch... [Radio kicks the pebble in the air] and he connects! [hits the pebble with his antenna, which bounces off Toaster, Kirby, and Lampy] Oh, and it's a triple play! [Kirby and Lampy angrily swarm around Radio]
 * Toaster: Knock it off, you guys! We should all settle down and try to get some sleep.
 * [Lampy drops rock. Next scene shifts to Lampy laying his head on a rock. He hears a sound and sees Radio drawing a dirt circle in the dirt]
 * Radio: [about the circle in the dirt] This is my sleeping space, see? And nobody crosses this line!
 * Lampy: Yeah, well you'd better not wake us up at 6:00 as usual!
 * Kirby: What are you complaining about? You didn't do any work today.
 * Radio: Yeah.
 * [Blanky crawls to Lampy who looks at him angrily]
 * Lampy: Go find your own place to sleep, ya little fuzz ball.
 * [Lampy falls asleep; Blanky tries going into Radio's sleeping space, but Radio stops him.]
 * Radio: Watch it! Hey! Hey! Hey! What, are you blind? It's a line. Aht-aht!
 * Kirby: [annoyed] Good night!
 * [Blanky tries cuddling up to Toaster, but Toaster wakes up.]
 * Toaster: [tired, shoos Blanky away] Come on. I'm not the Master. Go snuggle somewhere else. I'm trying to get some sleep. Now go on.
 * [Blanky looks dejected and sleeps by himself.]


 * [the appliances stop at a clearing in a dark forest]
 * Blanky: Do we have to stop here?
 * Toaster: Only for a while.
 * Radio: Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals in a few days, I've seen it happen!
 * Kirby: And you'd be the first to go, dial face.
 * Lampy: Hey, fellas! We can stay in here! Look! [turns on his light to reveal a scary face on a tree; the appliances gasp in horror, and hide in the bushes] W-What's the matter?
 * Radio: Eaten alive, the poor sap.
 * [Lampy turns around to the scary face]
 * Lampy: [scared] WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! [runs and joins the others in the bushes]
 * Radio: Oh, I thought you were a goner.
 * Lampy: Ah, you wish.
 * Toaster: You know, guys, we are gonna need some kind of shelter.
 * Kirby: Yeah, shelter from the likes of them.
 * Radio: [imitating boxer] Come on over here and say that, chrome-dome! [Lampy blows raspberries at Kirby]
 * Kirby: [shocked and angry] WHAT?!
 * Radio: Oh, sorry about that. I meant to say "vacuous vacuum."
 * [Kirby angrily grumbles]
 * Walter Winchell, Jr.: Alright, ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble. In the blue corner, undefeated champion, Rocko "the Radio" Ratuno. DING! Oh, and there's the bell! They're on each other like black on a bowling ball!
 * [Radio and Kirby are about to fight but Toaster comes between them]
 * Lampy: Hey! Look!
 * [everyone sees that Blanky has made himself into a tent]
 * [next scene switches to the ending of "The Star-Spangled Banner."]
 * Lowell Winchell: And that concludes our broadcast day. This is Lowell Winchell signing off. Good night, America, and all the ships at sea. [static]
 * Toaster: [pats Blanky, smiling] Thanks.
 * Blanky: Oh, that's all right. [yawns and falls asleep]


 * Toaster: Blanky! Blanky, where are you?! [slowly] BLAAAAAAANKYYYYYYY?
 * Lampy: [weakly] Come on, Blanky! Speak up for Pete's sake! [coughs and zaps]
 * Toaster: No, no, just relax. You've done enough. We'll look for him.
 * Lampy: I am feeling a little burned out.
 * Radio: Listen to this.
 * Walter Winchell, Jr.: The lamp was awarded a Purple Heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery.


 * Mish-mash: Hey, look at me! I mean, really! Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, lamp, and a shaver! Oh-ho-ho-ho, God, I'm a mish-mash!


 * [the appliance's make it to Rob's apartment]
 * Lampy: A113. This is it!
 * Toaster: Go ahead.
 * [Lampy knocks the door and the appliances freeze; nothing happens]
 * Blanky: He's not home.
 * Toaster: We'll have to wait.
 * Radio: So, let's wait inside! Relax!
 * Lampy: But it's locked.
 * Radio: Luckily, my war-training included inter-appliance codes. I'll simply run into this inter-appliance knock, and we'll be welcomed by the native machinery. Stand aside, my meager companion! [He begins to knock the door and then rapidly taps the heads of Toaster, Lampy and Blanky; the door opens and Plugsy comes out] Hiya, pal.
 * Plugsy: [gasps, then dashes back inside and the door slams] It's them. [He and the other modern appliances whisper inaudibly. Them, the door opens again and he comes back out calmly] How do yous do? Tarry not upon our doorstop. Please, feel free to enter. All of yous.


 * Lampy: Boy, he sure has grown!
 * Radio: Look at him! What a heart-breaker!
 * Toaster: He graduated, too!
 * Kirby: Of course. He knows how to work hard.
 * Blanky: He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.
 * Rabbit Ears: Still needs you? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!
 * Radio: Why, if it isn't Ol' Rabbit Ears!
 * Rabbit Ears: Why, if it isn't Ol' Loudmouth!
 * Blanky: Hi, TV!
 * Lampy: How are you doing?
 * Rabbit Ears: Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.
 * Toaster: The cottage just wasn't the same after they took you away.
 * Kirby: Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.
 * Rabbit Ears: Well, I see you haven't changed.
 * Radio: Kind of gives you a sense of security. Doesn't it?
 * Blanky: Where's the Master?
 * Rabbit Ears: Didn't anybody tell you? Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive up to the co-- [Plugsy sneaks up behind him and changes his channel to Spanish news network. Radio and Lampy find Plugsy]
 * Lampy: Hey!
 * Radio: What's the idea?!
 * Plugsy: Oh, many pardons. Was you watching that channel?


 * Toaster: [whispering] K-Kirby, what should we do?!
 * Kirby: I-I-I don't know.
 * Lampy: Hey. I got an idea.
 * [Elmo St. Peters Continues to try doing the operation, Toaster closes the curtains, Elmo looks up, Blanky and Kirby make spooky sounds. As Soon as Elmo sees his reflection on Toaster, Kirby laughs like a ghost, Elmo screams, runs around and runs into the pole, which knocks him out.]
 * Lampy: See? It worked! I told you it would work! I told ya, I told ya, I told ya, I knew, I knew, I knew! It worked!
 * Megaphone: JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK!
 * [Megaphone imitates siren as Refrigerator pounds the door down, then Quadruped goes in the monster truck. He almost starts the Monster Truck up, but puts his seat-belt on first, then ignites the Monster Truck and drives away quickly, while the broken appliances run away back to their masters' homes and Toaster and his gang rescue Radio and went off into the city with him and a baby carriage. Elmo St. Peters wakes up and notices the shack being torn apart. Zeke pokes his head in the hole]
 * Zeke: Did I catch ya at a bad time? Just wondering if you got my radio tubes.

Cast

 * Deanna Oliver as the Toaster
 * Timothy E. Day as Blanky
 * Tim Stack as Lampy / Zeke
 * Jon Lovitz as the Radio
 * Thurl Ravenscroft as the Kirby
 * Timothy E. Day as Young Rob
 * Wayne Kaatz as Grown Rob
 * Phil Hartman as the Air Conditioner / the Hanging Lamp in the Parts Shop
 * Joe Ranft as Elmo St. Peters
 * Colette Savage as Chris
 * Jerry Rees as Walter Winchell, Jr. / the Megaphone
 * Jim Jackman as Plugsy in Rob's apartment
 * Jonathan Benair as the Black and White T.V.
 * Judy Toll as the Mish-mash / the Second Face of the Two-Face Sewing Machine
 * Mindy Stern as the Mother / the First Face of the Two-Face Sewing Machine
 * Randall William Cook as the Entertainment Complex in Rob's apartment
 * Randy Bennett as the Computer
 * Louis Conti as the Spanish T.V. Announcer
 * Beth Anderson as the First Face of the Two-Face Vacuum Cleaner
 * Pat Ericson as the Second Face of the Two-Face Vacuum Cleaner
 * Gary Falcone as the Optical Fiber Lamp
 * Roger Freeland as the Mixer
 * Janis Liebhart as the Phone
 * Darryl Phinnessee as the Toaster Oven
 * Joe Pizzulo as the Food Processor