The Green Loontern

Come on, cadet, we've got lots more errands to run. Captain Dodgers, do you realize that this is my day off? Yes. Yes, I do. And is there some reason that I'm carrying all the packages? Yes, my son, there is. I'm trying to get you some extra credit. - Extra credit? - Oh, yeah. With enough hard work, we should be able to get you promoted from cadet to stooge. - Or maybe even lackey. - Wow, lackey. Captain Dodgers, I feel so ashamed. For a second there, I thought you were taking advantage of me. - Can you ever forgive me? - Probably not. Wait here. I have to pick up my cleaning. - May put these packages down? - On the filthy sidewalk? - Sorry. - Remember, extra credit. Stupid dry cleaner. He gave me the wrong suit. Black vinyl and latex. And a freaky little mask. Who knows what this weirdo's into. What's this? A mysterious glowing ring. It might be worth a few shekels at the pawn shop. Hey, now, that's more like it. This really shows off my physique. Not bad. Not bad at all. I can float. I can fly. Taffy, I really love that dress. On you, of course. I do so look forward to these moments of quiet solace when I can enjoy a hot beverage in peace and collect my thoughts. Dodgers. It is a particular and rare honor to be the first of my species to receive the gift of flight. I shall not abuse this rare privilege too much. Just a few more errands to run. Extra credit. Extra credit. Extra credit. Ah-ha! It's the cadet. Hey, those aren't my packages. Time to mete out a little sophomoric justice. What the? Wedgie. Dodgers. - Hello, cadet. - Hello, Captain Dodgers. So, what do you think of my new uniform? - I found it in that box from the cleaners. - Green Lantern? What's a Green Lantern? - Can we talk about this on the ground? - Hurry. I might be losing my grip. The Green Lantern Corps is an intergalactic organization of heroes established to maintain peace and justice. Each member is issued a powerful ring to enforce and protect justice throughout the galaxy. And to think they selected me to join their esteemed ranks. Don't you think it was just a slip-up at the dry cleaners? And now to get you to a place of safety, little pig. - Thanks. - There. That should do it. Boy, I sure am glad I bought those industrial-strength underpants. This is opening new doors to feelings I never knew I had. Finally, a chance to champion the merits of goodness and honor. A way to prove my--Whoa! Check out the serious babeage. I've always wanted to play the balcony scene. But soft. What light through yonder window breaks. It is the east and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun. Juliet, you're smaller and hairier than I expected. [BARKING] Shh! Quiet down. You're gonna get me in trouble. I've got something you might like. [BALL SQUEAKS] It's a buddy ball. Fetch. You just have to know how to handle-- [YELLS] Okay. I'll just make a simple rescue and no one will be the wiser. Aah! A puppy! [GIRL WHIMPERING] Somebody save the puppy. A puppy? Oh. [CHEERING] Look, everybody. It's the hero. No need to thank me. I only did what any great hero would do when they see a small puppy falling from a great height. Great job. And don't worry I won't rest until that puppy endangerer is apprehended. That's the guy who tried to kill my dog! Well, best of luck with your investigation, officer. What the heck? I have got a bad feeling about this. [YELLS] I guess I'm returning to the source of my new Green Lantern power. They are no doubt preparing a hero's welcome. Rejoice! Your champion returns. Ow. I gotta work on my landing. [EXPLOSION] [MAN YELLS] Target acquired. Fire! [DODGER YELLS AND GRUNTS] Say, what's the big idea? Ooh! That's some welcome wagon. - Where did they come from, Kilowog? - I don't know Katma-Tui. But I say we skip the introductions. Nice move. But that's one down and a thousand to go. Tomar-Re, behind you. [YELLS] Tomar-Re, no! Pardon me. Excuse me. Would you mind filling me in as to who's vaporizing your pals here? Not vaporized, teleported. I just don't know where. I'm the one who put out a distress call to every Green Lantern in the universe. You know, I'd really like to help but I tee off with Spider-Man at 6 a. m. - You don't wanna keep a big star waiting. - Look out! Fire! [ALL YELL] [YELLS] [YELLS] [YELLS IN ALIEN LANGUAGE] - Surrender, female. - Surrender this! - Yes. - Boodikka, watch out! [GASPS] Oh, crud. [YELLS] There goes another one. Man, these guys are gonna have to throw one heck of a membership drive. Hey, blue boy, heads up! You gotta be careful, junior. This is no place for a kid. A kid? I am as old as time immortal. The stars and planets are mere infants to me. - Heh, heh. Isn't he cute? - You are a strange one, indeed. But Ganthet Owa gives you his thanks. [ALL YELLING] Now I'm ticked. - Are we the only Lanterns left? - Afraid so. But if we're going out, let's go out with honor. For the Corps! DROID: Cease attack. - Wait. They're stopping. [CACKLES] Of course they're stopping. History's greatest marauders have always left a few victims behind to spread their legend. - Sinestro. - Sinestro. - Sinestro. - Say what stro? The Green Lantern Corps is finished. And their power is mine. [LAUGHING MANIACALLY] Don't bet on it. Wow! You guys really took it on the chin. My people are out there somewhere and I will not rest until I find them. [JABBERING] - What's got Alvin's shorts in a knot? - His name is Ch'p. He thinks you're in league with Sinestro. And as a matter of fact, I believe him. How like Sinestro to use a witless underling as a distraction. All right, back off. Don't forget, I've got one of these babies too. [SPUTTERS] Heh, heh. What do you know? It ran out of go juice. [DODGERS GRUNTING] Enough, this creature is not evil. Stupid, perhaps very stupid, but not evil. Jeez, thanks, Papa Smurf. He saved my life and that's something an agent of Sinestro would never do. The Lanterns will need every member they have to figure out what Sinestro's up to. And for now, that includes him. Hey, guys, check this out. By increasing the size of this microbe on Sinestro's attack droid I may be able determine its point of origin. Bingo, this particular microbe is indigenous only to a moon in the z Quadrant. That must be where Sinestro's holed up. We must infiltrate his fortress. This broken wreck gives me an idea. We could use our ring power to rebuild it and send it back to Sinestro. - Only one of us will be hiding inside. - That's right. Then the Trojan Lantern will slip out, deactivate Sinestro's defenses and open the door for the rest of us. But with our number so small, where will we find someone foolish--? I mean, brave enough for this task? No, down, Fido, down! Get it off me! Get it off me! Oh, you've got to be kidding. But before any mission can begin, we must recharge our energies. Behold! The Green Lantern power battery. May I suggest that our newest member lead us in the Green Lantern's oath? - Yeah--Come again? - The oath. Every member of the Corps knows the oath. [JABBERING] Yeah, um, uh. In blackest day or brightest night uh, watermelon, cantaloupe, yada yada superstitious and cowardly lot, with liberty and justice for all. Then again, maybe I should lead us. In brightest day, in blackest night no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, beware our power, Green Lantern's light. DODGERS: Yeah, team! Prepare yourself, Green Lantern of Earth. Ha, ha, ha! It tickles. Quit squirming. DODGERS: Wow! [SINESTRO CHUCKLES] Finally, my ultimate plan. The pinnacle of my criminal career is within my grasp. And all I ever needed was the combined power of the Green Lantern Corps. Excuse me, my master. Oh, how dare you interrupt my maniacal gloating? We have detected a lone Attack Droid returning from the Planet Owa. A straggler, eh? Let him in. But send a security detail to check things out. On your command. Okay, here we go. Sinestro's fortress of squalitude. Just gotta keep her steady and play the part of a little lost robot finding his way home. Here comes the straggler. Lowering shield of Red Sector A. Hee, hee, hee! Now to find the control center. Bingo. [CHUCKLES] I haven't used that old trick since I sold those useless cleaning products to the convent. [ALARM PULSING] ANDROID #1: Halt! - Identify yourself. - Think fast, Dodgers. It's me, guys. Long time no see! ANDROID #1: Hey. I think I went to high school with him. ANDROID #2: Oh, yeah? Where'd you go? ANDROID #1: I went to East Polygon High. - How about you? ANDROID #2: North High Tech. ANDROID #1: The Crimson Techies, eh? I hate you. ANDROID #2: Well, your football program stunk! [CHUCKLES] Old high school rivalries never fade. Now to deactivate the security system. All it needs is a few simple adjustments. There. That should do it! ANDROID #3: Hey. What's going on? Just doing the regular, um, systems check. ANDROID #2: Don't talk to him, fellas. He's from East Polygon High. ANDROID #3: A fighting Trojan, huh? DODGERS: I tried to transfer. ANDROID #3: There, that should do it. What do you say we discuss this like rational beings? Step forward. Did you come here alone? Because you are the bravest Green Lantern or the most foolish. That question's come up before. I'll get back to you on that in a day or two. Heh, heh, that won't be necessary. Hey, you know? In person, you really do look like the devil. I know. I get that a lot. Well, I don't believe in judging people by their outward appearance. Neither do I. But I did sense that you are a kindred spirit. - Just what are you getting at? - Let me show you. Behold my greatest achievement. The anti-matter Vortex generator. With this weapon I will annihilate the very fabric of reality. And the best part is that the Green Lantern Corps itself will provide all the power. Ha, ha! Devilishly clever. Sorry, big guy. Go on. Then I will recreate the universe as I please. All will kneel before Sinestro. You gotta follow your dreams. There may even be a place for someone like you in my new reality. - Join forces with me. Or be obliterated. - Okay. Don't be such a sanctimonious fool! You don't realize the-- Did you say okay? Yeah, sounds good to me. Ground floor of the new cosmic order, baby. - Really? - Oh, wait. You had the whole hero/villain seduction speech worked up, didn't you? No, no, no. Well, maybe a little, heh, heh, You see, most heroes aren't so easily swayed. Then sway me, Jackson, sway me. Looks like Mr. Stupid did his job. - The force shield is down. - And there's our way in. Ah, he old "energy foot in the door" trick. - Um, excuse me. Pardon me. - What is it? Intruders. [ANDROID LAUGHS] A cute little nut. What's that supposed to do? Give me high cholesterol? I want a train set and a skateboard and a puppy and a pony. Oh, and let's not forget the super luxury skybox seating for all major sporting events. Ooh! And a monkey and a football and a pizza and a flashlight. Ooh! And a baby brother. Silence, you fool. Okay, so forget the pony. Activate the generator! Soon that Vortex will destroy everything in the universe. [ALL GROANING] Say, what's the matter with the guys in the green pajamas? The Vortex generator feeds off their power. And when it's finished, no more Green Lantern Corps. Hey, pal, I took an oath for justice. In happy days or tightest tights or something like that. - I thought you were on my side. - Heck, no! - I'm a Green Lantern! - Then perish with your friends! [YELLS] So sorry you had to press your luck. [CHUCKLES MENACINGLY] I should let you know that I have the strength of 100 tiny, tripling Chihuahuas. - You're finished. - I haven't even started yet. [GRUNTING] [ALARM RINGING] - What are you doing? - Rise and shine, you lazy loafers! - Look, he's reviving the Corps. - No! Time to crash the party. [GRUNTS] It's the Vortex generator. It's ruined! Hey, look, the Vortex is shrinking. Everybody target their rings on Sinestro. Let's hit him with everything we've got. [SINESTRO GRUNTING] No! [ALL CHEERING] Oh, no! Oh, the poor duck. He must've been crushed by Sinestro's press. I'll miss the little pooser. He was the bravest one of us all. DODGER: Hello. Heh. I just popped out of the suit. That Latex gets pretty slippery with the flop sweat and all. Do you think I could borrow a towel? GREEN LANTERN: I think I may have something you can wear. We must go to the same cleaners. Can, uh. Can I have my ring back? - Heh, heh. Looking good, hero boy. Heads up. - Thank you, little black duck. Oh, yeah. That's way better. [YELLS] Hey, look! My regular uniform. That was some job you did back there. You're an honor to the Corps. Goodbye, strange Earth duck. [CHATTERS] Ch'p says goodbye too. Saddle up, Green Lanterns. Away! Wow! Now, they're superheroes. Hey, wait! Come back! I need a ride home! You can't leave me here! Oh, well, I'm sure that at any moment, the cadet will swoop in and save me. Don't bet on it. [English - US -SDH]