Chalkboard Bungle

UH, MAY I HELPS YOUS? I'M HERE TO SEE THE CHAIRMAN. I AM MISS FLAMEEL, THE NEW STUDIO TEACHER. YOU MUST BE NEW, BECAUSE I AIN'T NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE. AIN'T NEVER? THAT'S A DOUBLE NEGATIVE. GRAMMAR, GRAMMAR, GRAMMAR, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE YOU AN "F. " BOY, MY FOLKS ARE GOING TO KILL ME. MISS FLAMEEL, I'VE HIRED YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A FINE TEACHER, BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE YOU'RE A VERY STRICT DISCIPLINARIAN. HOW KIND. THE ASSIGNMEN I'M GIVING YOU WILL NOT BE EASY. YOU SEE, THE WARNERS ARE NOT NORMAL CHILDREN. I EXPECT-- I WILL NO TOLERATE GUM CHEWING. COME, COME. GIVE ME THE GUM. CHEWING IS FOR COWS. F. I DON'T THINK YOU-- DON'T SLOUCH. SIT UP STRAIGHT. NOW, YOU WERE SAYING? AND SPEAK UP. NO MUMBLING. DO YOU MIND? I AM NOT IN CLASS! I HIRED YOU! WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET? IT'S YOUR JOB TO GET THOSE WARNER BROTHERS UNDER CONTROL. THEY'RE DIFFICULT. SO AM I. THERE HASN'T BEEN A CHILD YE THAT I COULDN'T CONTROL EXCEPT BUDDY HACKETT, BUT THAT'S GENETIC. TELL ME, WHEN CAN I MEET THEM? I'LL, UH, HAVE RALPH BRING THEM BY. DON'T KEEP ME WAITING. [KNOCKING ON DOOR] COME IN. SCHOOL SUPPLIES? UH, NO, MISS FLAMEEL. THIS IS YOUR STUDENTS. OPEN I AFTER I LEAVE. HERE. SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL OUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL WE'RE EAGER LITTLE LEARNERS SO FILL OUR BRAINS WITH LOTSA FACTS OUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL TEACH, TEACH, TEACH WE'RE READY FOR OUR LESSONS SO TEACH US MATH, GEOMETRY DON'T FORGET GEOGRAPHY AND CHEMISTRY AND PLEASE THROW IN THE ABCS OH, TEACHER, TEACH US NOW THIS IS A CLASSROOM, NOT A MUSIC HALL. NOW FIND YOUR SEATS. GOT MY SEAT. HERE'S MINE. IT'S EASY FINDING YOURS. GO TO YOUR DESKS. WE'LL BEGIN CLASS BY RECITING THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE. PLEASE REPEAT AFTER ME. PLEASE REPEAT AFTER ME. NO, NO. WAIT UNTIL I START, THEN REPEAT AFTER ME. NO, NO. WAIT UNTIL I START, THEN REPEAT AFTER ME. STOP THAT. I'M WARNING YOU. STOP THAT. I'M WARNING YOU. STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! IF YOU DON'T STOP RIGHT NOW, I SHALL SCREAM. IF YOU DON'T STOP RIGHT NOW, I SHALL SCREAM. ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT. ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT. WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL. I'M WARNING YOU THAT I'LL TOLERATE NO FOOLISHNESS. ARE WE CLEAR? WE'RE OPAQUE. NOW WE'RE CLEAR. OHH. LET US BEGIN. DON'T YOU WAN OUR HOMEWORK? HOW CAN YOU HAVE HOMEWORK? EXTRA CREDIT. LET ME SEE IT. OUR DOG ATE IT. DON'T LIE. WE'RE NOT LYING. SEE? GRR! GRR! GRR! BAD DOG. GIVE ME THAT. GIVE IT NOW. OH! I'M WARNING YOU. I'LL HAVE TO USE CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. YOU MEAN HIM? [LAUGHS COYLY] LET'S BEGIN OUR LESSONS. WE'LL START WITH MATH. YAKKO, COUNT TO 100. 1, 2, SKIP A FEW, 99, 100. NOGIVE ME ALL THE NUMBERS. IT'S ONLY A SIX-MINUTE CARTOON. LET'S MOVE ON. WAKKO, CAN YOU MULTIPLY? HOW'S THIS? NOT THAT SORT OF MULTI-- LET'S LEAVE MATH, SHALL WE? WE'LL MOVE ON TO SCIENCE. DOT, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SCIENTISTS OF THE 18TH CENTURY? THEY'RE ALL DEAD. NO, NO. O. K., THEY'RE ALL LIVING. NO, NO! NOW WE'RE GETTING INTO PHILOSOPHY. WE'RE NOT GETTING INTO PHI-- WE'LL MOVE ON TO GRAMMAR. WAKKO, WHAT DOES THE WORD "PROCRASTINATION" MEAN? I'LL TELL YOU TOMORROW. YOU CHILDREN ARE MAKING THIS VERY DIFFICULT. WELL, LEARNING ISN'T EASY. LET'S MOVE ON TO SENTENCE STRUCTURE. FIRST, VERBS. YAKKO, CAN YOU CONJUGATE? WHO ME? I'VE NEVER EVEN KISSED A GIRL. NO, NO, NO. IT'S EASY. I'LL CONJUGATE WITH YOU. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'LL SHOW YOU. DON'T LOOK. "THE DOG RAN IN THE RAIN. " "DOG" IS THE SUBJECT, AND "RAN" IS THE VERB. NOW THE VERB THE VERB COULD BE CONJUGATED SO THE DOG I KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. I HAVE EYES IN BACK OF MY HEAD. REALLY? SO DO WE. IT'S TIME FOR A POP QUIZ. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? POP QUIZ. I LIKE THE FIRST ONE. HE LIKES FRIZZY COLA, MAMA YEAH, YEAH, YEAH STOP THAT! STOP THAT! SIT AT YOUR DESKS THIS INSTANT. OOH. WHAT ELSE IS IN THERE? WHY YOU LITTLE"F!" HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO HIM! "F!" WAAAAH! "F!" GRRR! OH, NOW YOU'VE GONE AND HURT HIS FEELINGS. I'D APOLOGIZE IF I WERE YOU. I WILL NOT! YOU'RE HORRID, NAUGHTY CHILDREN. GRRRRR! UH, YOU DONES WITH THEM WARNER BROTHERS A-A-AND SISTER? YES! TAKE THEM AWAY. RECESS! [MISS FLAMEEL] GET ME OU OF HERE RIGHT NOW! I'LL GIVE YOU AN "F. " DO YOU HEAR ME? "F!" "F!" "F!" "F!" "F!"

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