The Prom Equivalency


 * Leonard: Oh, hey. We ran into your Mom at Benihana last night.
 * Howard: Uh, yeah. She loves that place. Every time they flip a shrimp in the air, she practically leaps out of her chair to catch it. That’s why I don’t take her to Sea World.


 * Amy: Hi.
 * Penny: Hey.
 * Bernadette: We brought snacks for movie night.
 * Penny: Oh, great. I don’t suppose you also brought napkins, clean bowls, utensils and a roll of toilet paper.
 * Bernadette: Right here.
 * Penny: Ah, You guys are the best.


 * Amy: What’s with the clothes?
 * Penny: Well, with all the new stuff I bought for work, I needed to make room in my closet.
 * Amy: I meant why are they folded? But whatever. Ooo. What’s this?
 * Penny: That, believe it or not, is my prom dress.
 * Bernadette: Wow, you still have it? I just assumed it was balled up in the corner of a barn somewhere.
 * Penny: What kind of a teenager did you think I was?
 * Bernadette: Slutty.
 * Amy: Easy.
 * Penny: The word is “popular”.


 * (The scene in Penny's apartment when Bernadette asks Amy how was her prom and did she go to it)
 * Amy: No, but I was on clean-up crew.
 * Penny: Aw, that’s sad.
 * Amy: No, it was okay. The DJ let me dance one slow song with my mop before he shut down. Whenever I see a bucket of dirty water, I still hear Lady in Red.
 * Bernadette: My prom was pretty terrible, too. (Scene of Amy) I was so excited about my date, (Scene of Bernadette looking at Amy) but it turned out he only asked me ’cause he liked my friend. He spent the whole night talking about her.
 * Amy: Okay, we get it, you had a friend and a date. Stop bragging.


 * (The scene at Penny's apartment after Penny says "Doesn’t matter. Prom is silly anyways")
 * Bernadette: You probably went with the captain of the football team.
 * Penny: No. I just made out with him a little while his date was puking.
 * Amy: My date would’ve had to clean that up.
 * Bernadette: Ooh, I have an idea. Maybe we can have, like, a prom do-over.
 * Amy: Oh, that would be so much fun. We could decorate the roof and make the guys wear tuxedos.
 * Bernadette: Ooh, and get our hair done, and slow-dance.
 * Penny: (really fed up) Okay, guys, trust me, as someone who’s been to, like, seven proms, it is never as good as you want it to be.
 * Amy: (she's now disappointed) You went to seven proms?
 * Penny: Yeah, let’s see. Uh, four Under the Seas, two Enchanted Evenings, and one Night to Remember that I cannot remember for the life of me.
 * (Amy and Bernadette smile at each other)


 * Raj: Ever since I saw "Pretty in Pink", I wanted to go to an American prom. But then I saw "Carrie" and I didn't not want to go to an American prom. But then I saw "Never Been Kissed" and I’m back on the prom bandwagon.
 * Howard: Bernie's really excited. And I can tell because her voice got so high, the beagle next door started howling.


 * Leonard: Hmm. To be honest, it’s kind of a dream come true to even go to a fake prom with a girl as beautiful as you.
 * Penny: Ugh, thanks a lot.
 * Leonard: What?
 * Penny: Well, now I can’t blow this thing off without being a bitch.


 * Penny: Here’s a question. As an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
 * Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
 * Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.


 * Leonard: You know, it you’re not gonna learn how to do this; they make some pretty good clip-ons.
 * Sheldon: Bruce Wayne doesn't wear a clip-on.
 * Leonard: Bruce Wayne doesn't make his roommate tie it for him.
 * Sheldon: His name is Alfred and, yes, he does.


 * Leonard: Was that a flask?
 * Sheldon: Yes. I decided to embrace all of the traditions associated with prom including spiking the punch.
 * Leonard: You’re going to put alcohol in the punch?
 * Sheldon: Oh no, this is pomegranate juice. It’s all the fun of high school hi-jinx with the cell-protecting zip of anti-oxidants.
 * Leonard: If you had ripped jeans and a leather jacket, you’d be like the toughest kid on the Disney Channel.


 * (The scene of Emily, Raj, Howard and Bernadette in the limo)
 * Raj: Ooh, I’ll, uh, text Stuart, let him know we’re close.
 * Bernadette: That’s a neat tattoo.
 * Emily: Oh thanks. It’s Sally from “Nightmare before Christmas”.
 * Howard: Ah, that movie’s so cute. So do you like her because you both have red hair?
 * Emily: Oh, a little. Thanks, but more because she’s covered with scars and can pull her own limbs off and sew them back on.
 * Bernadette: I like Cinderella.
 * Emily: Did you know in the original book the sisters cut their toes off with knives in order to fit in the glass slipper?
 * Bernadette: I like “Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo”.
 * Raj: Hey, here comes Stuart and his date.
 * Emily: Oh, she’s cute.
 * Howard: Oh, my God.
 * Bernadette: What?
 * Howard: That’s Jeanie.
 * Bernadette: That’s Jeanie?
 * Emily: Who’s Jeanie?
 * Howard: Don’t say it.
 * Raj: That’s Howard’s cousin that he had sex with.
 * Howard: She is my second cousin. We were 15, I just said, don’t say it.
 * Emily: No, it’s okay. He told me that story a long time ago.
 * Howard: (yells at Raj with huge anger) Raj!
 * Raj: It was our first date, there was an awkward silence. What was I supposed to say?
 * (Emily sips her wine happily. Bernadette now sips her wine angrily since she heard the argument that her husband and Raj have had).


 * (Penny and Leonard enter the rooftop)
 * Penny: Oh, it’s beautiful.
 * Leonard: Oh, the girls really did a nice job.
 * Penny: Aw, I know I wasn’t into this before, but I’m so glad I get to take you to your first prom.
 * Leonard: What makes you think I didn’t go to my prom? I went.
 * Penny: Well, who’d you go with?
 * Leonard: I took a little lady I like to call loneliness.
 * Penny: Aw.
 * Leonard: Oh, it’s all right. We ended up having a threesome with her friend humiliation, so…
 * Penny: Well, if I would have been there and saw you alone, I would’ve asked you to dance.
 * Leonard: No, you wouldn’t have.
 * Penny: Well, you don’t know that.
 * Leonard: It was before my growth spurt.
 * Penny: (jokingly) What, that already happened?


 * Amy: You’re making me worry. What’s going on?
 * Sheldon: What’s going on is we’re about to go to a prom. And here’s a great deal of pressure on young couples like us to engage in what Mr. Eubanks called making whoopee.
 * Amy: What pressure? All I said was you look handsome. Can you please open the door?
 * Sheldon: It’s not just that. Leonard and Penny also made comments about it. And I’m not blind. Even I looked twice when I saw my posterior in these tuxedo pants.


 * [The scene of Amy by Sheldon's bedroom door]
 * Amy: Sheldon, this is silly. I’m not missing another prom. I’m going upstairs. Good-bye.
 * Sheldon: I really did think you look pretty.
 * Amy: You did?
 * Sheldon: Yes. So much so, that I started to panic.
 * Amy: Well, you can relax. Just because you think I look pretty doesn't mean we have to spend the night together.
 * Sheldon: We’re you hoping we were because it’s prom.
 * Amy: I’m always hoping. But tonight, I just wanted to have a nice time with you. And maybe dance with someone who has arms.
 * Sheldon: Thank you for understanding.
 * Amy: Of course I understand. Sheldon. There’s something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just.. I want you to know that you don’t have to say it back. I know you’re not ready and you don’t have to say it back...just because social convention dictates…
 * Sheldon: I love you too.
 * Amy: You said it.
 * Sheldon: There’s no denying I have feeling for you that can’t be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite, but that even see more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.
 * [Amy now has a panic attack]


 * Leonard: Thank you for wearing your flats.
 * Penny: Thank you for wearing your heels.
 * Leonard: Hmm. Look at me dancing with the prettiest girl at the prom.
 * Penny: Wanna take a picture of us and send it to your friends from the chess club?
 * Leonard: I sent them a bikini shot of you years ago.


 * Stuart: So, I met Jeanie at your Aunt Gladys’. She passed me the Manischewitz, I took one look at this punim, and I almost plotzed on the kugel.
 * Raj: Is this what I sound like when I talk about India?
 * Howard: So my mother’s OK with this?
 * Jeanie: Why would your mother have a problem with me and Stuart?
 * Howard: Cause they have a weird inappropriate relationship.
 * Jeanie: Weirder than what you and I did in my dad’s Corolla?
 * Raj: This is so messed up.
 * Emily: I know. I’m having the best time.
 * Howard: Why would you even come to this? Didn't you know I would be here?
 * Jeanie: It was a long time ago, Howard.
 * Stuart: And you’re only second cousins, who cares?
 * Bernadette: Wait, so you knew and you brought her anyway?
 * Stuart: Oh, so she’s good enough for Howard, but not for me?
 * Howard: [shiftily] Yeah.
 * Bernadette: [she is so very cross] Yeah, go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. [indicates her head to Howard] This is his turf.
 * Howard: Yeah. [Howard looks confused while Bernadette gets more crosser]


 * Bernadette: Ooh, every single person RSVP’d yes. This is so exciting. (voice gets higher) Isn’t this exciting?
 * (Beagle from next door howls)
 * Howard: Yep.
 * Bernadette: Look, even Stuart’s bringing a date. I wonder who it is.
 * Howard: You know exactly who it is. He’s gonna bring my mom. Why did you even invite him?
 * Bernadette: Because he’s our friend, and you two need to get along. And why can’t he take your mom? You took her to your prom.
 * Howard: I didn’t take her, she was a chaperone.
 * Bernadette: I saw a picture of you two dancing together.
 * Howard: What was I gonna do? They were playing our song. I can’t take this anymore.
 * Stuart (on phone): Hello.
 * Howard: Stuart, we have to talk. This thing with you and my mom, I hate it. It’s making me crazy. You and I were friends for years, and now you’re bringing my mother to a party I’m going to? What the hell?
 * Stuart: I’m not bringing your mother, I have a date.
 * Howard: Oh, so now you’re cheating on my mother?
 * Stuart: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about? There’s nothing weird going on with me and your mother.
 * Mrs Wolowitz (off): Stewie, your bath is getting cold!
 * Stuart: I got to go, bye.


 * [The scene at Sheldon's bedroom door after Amy has a panic attack]
 * Sheldon: I know what’s happening. This is a panic attack. SoccerMom09 says to lie down with your feet elevated.
 * Amy: Okay.
 * Sheldon: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just because I love you doesn’t mean girls are allowed in my room