Outtagascar / F·I·E·N·D·S.

(Alex, Marty, Melman and Gloria are seen running.)

Alex: Come on, gang! We've gotta leave Madagascar and get back to New York!

Marty: Uh-uh. We actually left Madagascar in the second movie.

Alex: Really? New York looks so different.

Melman: No. We only made it to Africa, but now we're leaving Africa.

Alex: Oh. For New York?

Gloria: No. Monte Carlo.

(They stop running.)

Alex: Wow. And yet, they're still calling this movie Madagascar, huh?

Melman: Let's just be grateful they haven't added some ridiculous plot for the plucky Comic Relief.

(A circus train appears next to them, with the final car having Vitaly, Stefano and Gia in it.)

Stefano: Hey! You guys wanna join the circus?

Marty: Yep, this franchise is running out of steam.

[Title card: Outtagascar]

Alex: (looks at the script) A circus car? This can't be right!

(Another car appears bumping the car with Vitaly, Stefano and Gia. Shrek, Donkey and Buzz Lightyear are sitting in the car.)

Donkey: You're right! You're supposed to be on this car.

Alex: What car is this?

Manny: Oh, the one with all the movies that are totally out of ideas.

Buzz Lightyear: The one with all the lame sequels.

Alex: But we don't belong with you. We've got tons of new ideas! We've got freshness! We've got--

King Julien: (singing) We've got to move it, move it!

Marty: I'll go on the window seat. (gets into the car)

Lightning McQueen: Wait a minute! I shouldn't be here. I've only had two movies! The original, and the one where we have to go to Europe because there's a race, but then Mater gets confused for a spy because he sounds like... Yeah, OK. I guess I should be here.

Alex: Come on, everyone. Don't be so easily defeated. We've just gotta show Hollywood we've got a few tricks up our sleeves!

Manny: You're right. We could put on a circus!

Alex: Oh, a circus. Yeah, that could work. I mean, I was gonna say eat the movie execs, but a circus works too.

(Clock transition to Alex and the others in the train while it's moving.)

Alex: OK. If we're gonna develop a circus act, I need to know your skills. (to Buzz Lightyear) You, space man. What's your story?

Buzz Lightyear: I've got these wings. (his wings open up)

Alex: Ooh!

Buzz Lightyear: But I can't fly.

Alex: Ah. Alright. Well, then you team up with the Hulk over there.

Shrek: I'm not the Hulk!

Alex: Really? 'Cause The Avengers made more money than any movie ever!

(silence)

Shrek: You may call me the Hulk.

Alex: Manny, what's with your dinosaur threat?

Manny: Oh, he's not with us. (the screen zooms out to show Ducky) He's from some sorta land before our time.

Ducky: Yeah, and I've four ideas! As in the Land Before Time: the Great Valley Adventure, and the Land Before Time: the Wisdom of Friends, (screen zooms in onto Manny, Alex and Buzz Lightyear as Ducky continues talking) the Land Before Time: the Great Longneck Migration, the Land Before Time: the Time of the Great Giving, the Land Before--

(They kick her out of the train.)

Ducky: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

(The screen shows a circus tent, then shows Marty and Gloria with their heads through the wall.)

Gloria: (gasps) This is it! The big wig from Hollywood is here!

(The screen shows in the crowd Phillip Seymour Hoffman wearing a rainbow wig.)

 Phillip Seymour Hoffman  : I should never have started wearing this. Gives me a weight every time.

(The screen shows Alex talking to the crowd.)

Alex: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Sequel Circus! In this ring, Hulk throws Plastic Man.

(The screen shows Shrek and Buzz Lightyear in the ring. Shrek rips off his shirt and groans. He picks up Buzz Lightyear and throws him. His wings open up.)

Buzz Lightyear: To infinity-- (smashes through the roof)

Crowd: (gasps)

(Buzz Lightyear falls onto a road. His parts get broke and damaged by some cars running over him.)

Buzz Lightyear: Once again, Pixar is ruined by Cars! (A horn is heard as his face gets squashed by another car.)

(The screen shows Alex in the circus tent. The crowd is heard booing.)

Alex: In this ring, how many things can you fit in a clown car?

(The screen shows Lightning McQueen wearing a clown's nose and hat. Donkey, King Julien, Gloria and Manny walk towards him and get into his body.)

Lightning McQueen: Ow! Hey! Watch it! (Manny struggles to get inside him.) That's not... how we did it... in rehearsal! (Manny squeezes in him, his body gets bent and starts to crack.) Hold it! I think I'm gonna-- (His body gets smashed into pieces. The crowd starts booing again.)

Marty: Alex! This ain't working! They hate us more now than they did before! And that was a lot!

Alex: Let's just go right to the finale! (to the crowd) And, in this ring, (the screen shows Scrat. Next to Scrat is a hoop, which on the other side of the ring is his nut.) Scrat will jump through fire to get his nut! Shrek, light the ring!

Shrek: (holding a flaming torch) Huh? OK.

(But instead of lighting the hoop, Shrek lights the ring around Scrat. The flame spreads across the circus tent and around the other rings.)

Crowd: (gasps)

Marty: Shrek! What did you do?!

Shrek: Oh, no! Hulk, how could you be so stupid? Everybody, run!

Crowd: (screaming)

(The song Flammable, parody of Katy Perry's "Firework", plays.)

♪ That's what happens when you're flammable,

Listen to the fire marshall

Keep your dreams in check, check, check

Or you'll leave the place a wreck, wreck, wreck ' ♪ 

(Alex jumps through the hoop. Lightning McQueen drives away up a ramp over a pyramid of flaming barrels and out of the circus tent. Donkey runs away as he carries King Julien juggling stuff such as Scrat and his acorn. Manny sucks some water from a paddling pool into his trunk. He is heard trumpeting as he shoots water at the fires, putting them out. The crowd cheers.)

(The screen then shows Alex, Marty, Melman, Gloria and Manny in a prison cell.)

Alex: We did it, gang! And now, we'll be ready for a brand new show in 2047.

Melman: Why so long?

Police Guard: 'Cause that's how many years you get for burning down the circus! (slams the cell door, thus triggering a bad ending in a MAD segment - the NYC Zoo animals get trapped in jail for the next 35 years.)

(Segment Ends)

(Starts at what appears to be a black screen at first with Dr. Victor von Doom on it)

Dr. Victor von Doom: At last... Doom can rule from his throne as the world does his bidding!

(...and it's Enemy Grounds)

Baroness: Uh, yeah. Well, place an order soon, 'cause I get off at 5, okay?

(Laugh track)

(Title card: F·I·E·N·D·S, starring Mystique, Dr. Doom, Maleficent, Voldemort, Megatron, and Baroness)

(Back to Enemy Grounds)

Voldemort: I'm serious this time, guys! I'm going to defeat my greatest enemy today, NO EXCUSES. (Sips coffee.)

(Laugh track)

Megatron: Your greatest enemy? You mean that little kid who killed you?

(Laugh track)

Voldemort: I told you - Harry Potter's a very powerful wizard!

Dr. Victor von Doom: Shhh! Quiet, Voldemort, I just put your arch-nemesis down for a nap!

(Laugh track)

Voldemort: Gaaaaah! (Takes off on his broom, breaking the Enemy Grounds window)

Dr. Victor von Doom: Could he be any more touchy?

(Laugh track)

(Just then, Maleficent and Mystique come back from shopping)

Megatron: How'd shopping go?

Maleficent: Great! The clerk at the store wouldn't accept my coupon, but I remembered I'm a supervillain, so I blew her up!

(Laugh track)

Megatron: That's what I like about you, Maleficent - your real class is at "Grown-Up Type".

(Laugh track)

Dr. Victor von Doom: So, Mystique, I have reservations for that new restaraunt that opened up. I thought maybe, you and me, me and you?

Mystique: On a date? Sorry, Victor, we've been trying this "on-again-off-again" thing for nine seasons now! We're clearly better as just fiends.

(Laugh track)

Maleficent: Yeah Mystique's going do what I do, grow old in a big scary castle only talking to goblins and crows, and if any man looks at us, we'll just turn him to stone, girl power.

Mystique: So, pick me up at 8:00?

Dr. Doom: But I know we have a table, I made the reservations myself.

"I have nothing under "doom" sir."

Dr. Doom: What about Von Doom? maybe I put it under Von Doom. Did I mention I'm a doctor?

"I'm sorry sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Mystique: Ugh! I haven't been this embarrassed since I morphed into Steven Tyler and agreed to do American Idol, speaking of which.

"Oh, Angelia Jolie. Is this gentleman with you?"

"I don't see a gentleman."

"Ha, that's a zinger Miss Jolie."