Operation: I.N.T.E.R.V.I.E.W.S.

Interviewer: Please sit down.

Adult Abigail Lincoln: Right here?

Interviewer: Yeah, that's great. Just great. So, do you know why we brought you here?

Adult Abigail Lincoln: Well, it's something about when I was a child, right?

Interviewer: Exactly. When you were younger, you were a part of a secret organization to fight for kids' rights. But after you turned 13, you and your teammates had all memories at that time erased in the process called 'decommissioning'.

Adult Abigail Lincoln: Oh, I remember now. Yeah.

Interviewer: That's because we've found a way to temporarily reverse the process, so we can ask you some questions.

Adult Abigail Lincoln: Questions? About what?

Interviewer: About your last mission and what happened to Numbuh 1.

Adult Abigail Lincoln: Who?

Interviewer: Nigel Uno, your sector leader. You never saw him again after that mission.

Adult Abigail Lincoln: Well, I'm not sure I remember all that.

Interviewer: Then, start at the beginning. Tell me what you do remember.

Adult Abigail: Well, it was... it was the Delightful Children's birthday. And as always, they was gonna have the most delicious birthday cake in the whole world and they wouldn't share with anybody. Nobody knew when they was going to eat it. But Numbuh 1 thought that if he could get a trace on them, that'll lead us right to the cake.

(starts flashbacks)

Interviewer: A car carrier for cruise ships? Well, where were you when this was going on, Numbuh 3?

Adult Kuki Sanban: (furious) My name is Kuki. And I was following the carrier in one of those death-trap vehicles we used to ride around here, and my dimwitted husband who was...

Adult Hoagie Gilligan: I was...! Was I... wait. W-Where was I?

Interviewer: Did you catch them, Numbuh 4?

Adult Wallaby Beatles: Well, they were going pretty fast, not as fast as my care nowadays mind you, but they had the petal to the metal.

Numbuh 362: Numbuh 1, you let the Delightful Children get away!

Numbuh 1: Don't worry, sir! We'll catch them. Come on, team!

Numbuh 362: No, just forget it.

Numbuh 5: But what about the cake?

Numbuh 362: Look. I think it's time to take you guys off the case.

Numbuh 1: What?! My sector is always in charge of liberating the cake from those Delightful dorks!

Numbuh 363: And it's your sector that always loses it! I mean, have you clowns ever gotten the cake back in one piece?

Numbuh 2: Well, yeah! Once.

Numbuh 4: And just who the crud are you, beaver-teeth?!

Numbuh 362: He's my brother.

Numbuh 4: (realizes) R-Right... your brother... I-I can see the family resemblance.

--

Numbuh 362: You and your team are off this mission, Numbuh 1. Is that clear?

Numbuh 1: B-But...!

Numbuh 362: Is that clear?!

Numbuh 363: (tauntingly) Yeah, Numbuh 1, is that clear?

Numbuh 1: (forcefully) Yesss...

Numbuh 362: Good. Sector W, it's your show now. So go get us that cake!

Sector W: Yes, sir!

Adult Abigail Lincoln: Numbuh 1 took getting kicked off the mission pretty hard. We tried to cheer him up, but he wouldn't have any.

Interviewer: So what did you do next?

Adult Abigail Lincoln: Only thing we could do, go back to the tree house and you're never going to believe what we found there.

Numbuh 3: Wow, Numbuh 1! Numbuh 363 was totally right! We never have got the cake back in one piece!

Numbuh 2: We did once!

 Numbuh 3: Really? I don't remember! Hmm, let's see. There was the time we blew it up by accident, and oh, we sent it to the wood chipper that other time... Oh, oh! And remember when the birdies pooped on it? (laughs) Remember that one, Numbuh 1?

Numbuh 1: (Had enough) Yes! Thank you for the memories!

---

(upon finding the DCFDTL in their tree-house)

Numbuh 1: Kids Next Door, battle sta-- (gets trapped by Father's flame)

Father: No, no, no! Cut! You Kids Next Door are not in my script!

---

Adult Hoagie Gilligan: After that, 74.239 ordered Father to release us or he'd destroy the cake.

Adult Wallaby Beatles: He told us to meet him the very next morning in the old, abandoned amusement park! (thinks) I forgot what it was called...

Adult Kuki Sanban: "The Rainbow Monkey Let's Learn About the Lavatory Fun Park". Can you believe they tried to make a theme park based on potty-training? The minute I took over the Rainbow Monkey Corporation, I tore the place down. Just to stop the smell.

Adult Abigai Lincoln: 74.239 told us he would explain his little test once we got there, for the place was deserted.

---

Numbuh 4: What part of you is your sister gonna recognize after I get done rearranging your... (Sector W aimed at him)

Numbuh 84: Not cool.

Numbuh 5: 'Not cool' is right! You better get your yo-yo out of my teammate's face!

---

The Toiletnator: Hi guys! (KND aimed at him) Hey, don't point those things at me!

Mr. Boss: Oh, jeeze, it's The Toiletnator.

---

Announcer Nick: And the person or team with the highest point total by 8 o'clock will win the Delightful Children's mouth-watering tasty-licious birthday cake.

---

Numbuh 1: Look at this list! We'll never get enough of these things to win! Might as well just quit now.

Numbuh 5: Hello? Has anybody seen Numbuh 1 around here? 'Cause this guy definitely isn't here.

Numbuh 3: Sure he is! Look, he's got the bald head, and the glasses...

Numbuh 5: ...and he's talking about giving up! That's not the Nigel Uno Numbuh 5 knows!

Numbuh 3: Then who is it? Cause he looks like Numbuh 1 to me!

--

Numbuh 4: So that runt finished a couple of dumb missions. We've completed tons! We're practically veter and arians.

Numbuh 2: Veterans.

Numbuh 4: Yeah, that too.

---

Numbuh 5: Look. You know we can win the cake and have fun doing it! But even if we fail, there's going to be other missions! And as long as we're all together, that's all that matters. So who's with me? Five!

Numbuh 4: Four!

Numbuh 3: Three!

Numbuh 2: Two!

Numbuh 1: One! Thanks guys.

Numbuh 1: ...And Numbuh 2...

Numbuh 2: Yes sir!

Numbuh 1: Stir the ship, we're about to hit the mountain.

Limburger Lips: You dare challenge me?!

Numbuh 86: Bring it on, Limburger Lips!

Limburger Lips: AAARGGHH!!

(both throw a little ball and tried to shoot it in one of the fishbowls, but failed)

Both: Aaaw!

---

Announcer Nick: Boys and girls, we have an exclusive interview here, Numbuh 1, your team is in dead last. You've been spanked by Spankulot, yelled at by Numbuh 362, and embarrassed by her little brother.

Numbuh 1: (irritated) Is there a question in there?

Announcer Nick: Indeed there is. The world is dying to know: Will you go to Numbuh 363's funeral?

Numbuh 1: Huh? What'd you mean?

Announcer Chip: Haven't you heard? Numbuh 363 is going after the item worth the most points ever!

Announcer Chip and Nick: (dramatically) Father's pipe!

---

Numbuh 1: What are you doing here? Father is way out of your lead!

Numbuh 363: Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me! And if you think I'm letting you get to Father's pipe before I do, you're crazy!

Numbuh 5: We're not here for the pipe, kid!

Numbuh 4: Yeah, we're here to rescue your big, dumb squirrel teeth!

Numbuh 363: I don't need rescuing! Especially from a couple of hasbeens like you old farts!

Numbuh 4: (gasps) Come here, you! (tries to attack Numbuh 363, but his team holds him back)

Numbuh 83: Look, why don't we all just get out of here before Father hears us?

Numbuh 363: Whose side are you on, Sonya?

Numbuh 83: Everyone's! We're all supposed to be on the same team!

Numbuh 363: Fine! Go, then! I'll do this alone!

Numbuh 1: (pats his shoulder) You've got a lot to learn about teamwork, 363.

Numbuh 363: (fired up) Don't... touch me!

(Father wakes up)

Father: Huh? What? What? Hey, who's there?! --

Adult Abigail Lincoln: Months later, when I became Supreme Commander of the KND, I had to order Numbuh 363's decommissioning! Not because he got too old, but because of his 'freaking out!' whenever someone touched him!

Adult Wallaby Beatles: In light-man's parliaments, he went 200% bananas. Reminds me of a fellow student botching a liver biopsy in my second year at med school at Harvard.

Interviewer: So, what happened next?

Adult Hoagie Gilligan: Well, surprising to say, Father was not happy finding us in his house.

(goes to the past)

Father: I am not happy finding you in my house!

---

Numbuh 83: Numbuh 363, are you all right?

Numbuh 363: (painful) I won! I got the pipe!

Numbuh 83: (furious) Is that all you can think about?! Sector V just saved your life and all you think is "I won"?! (gets the pipe) Give me that! Here, Numbuh 1. You deserve this more than us.

Numbuh 363: No!

Numbuh 84: (gags Numbuh 363 with his yo-yo) Cork it, Harvey!

---

Numbuh 4: Looks like Father's coming back!

Numbuh 5: That's right, so get going, Numbuh 1! We'll hold him off!

Numbuh 1: No way! My place is with you, guys.

Numbuh 2: We'll take care of it, just go. And make sure you save us some cake when you win.

Numbuh 1: But what about --

Numbuh 3: Just go already! (pushes Numbuh 1) Hmph! Does that guy want a personalized invitation or something?!

-

DCFDTL: It's over, Nigel Uno! You're finished! It's the end. Say it.

Numbuh 1: No.

DCFDTL: Say it! It's the end. Say it!

Numbuh 1: I... I... can't.

DCFDTL: Why not?!

Numbuh 1: Because the Kids Next Door will never end!

(When the DCFDTL fell in the huge toilet bowl)

Numbuh 1: I always wondered how those guys went to the bathroom together.

(upon seeing the GKND spaceship)

Numbuh 1: The cake... it's... beautiful...

Numbuh 74.239: No, that's not the cake! This is! (brings out a small cupcake and ate it) It's a bit small, but it might just be the best one yet!

Numbuh 1: But if that's the cake, then what's that?

Numbuh 74.239: A spaceship of course! Now come on, we don't have much time.

--

Numbuh 1: Numbuh 74.239, will you please tell me what exactly is going on around here?!

Numbuh 74.239: Don't you get it yet? You've been chosen to join the Galactic Kids Next Door! Only one kid from every planet's picked and you're it!

-

Numbuh 74.239: You don't think Earth is the only place where adult tyranny needs to be fought, do you? Why, on some planets, children have 37 parents instead of just 2!

-

Numbuh 74.239: We need kids like you to help us learn about planets that have been infected!

Numbuh 1: Infected? By what?

Numbuh 74.239: By adulthood. The horrible truth Nigel, is that adulthood is a disease! Sweeping the universe in an alarming rate! Without galactic-level operatives, more and more planets where kids rule will fall. By joining us, you won't be saving a neighborhood, or even a planet from adult tyranny. You will be saving the universe.

Numbuh 1: I... I understand. Just tell me when I'll be back.

Numbuh 74.239: Back? You can't ever come back!

Numbuh 1: What? But what about my family? What about my friends?

Numbuh 74.239: Your friends can't ever know. I know it's hard, but earth people just aren't ready to know about the galactic fight against adulthood! If you honor what your friends are fighting for, you'll make that sacrifice.

Numbuh 1: Dad? Mom? What are you doing here?

Mrs. Uno: We came to see you off, dear.

Numbuh 1: Mom, you know about all this? About the Kids Next Door?

Mrs. Uno: Well of course! They were nice enough to recommission Numbuh 0 and me to say goodbye.

Numbuh 1: You were a Kids Next Door operative too?!

Monty Uno: Only the first girl operative on the seventh day of the Kids Next Door, Numbuh 999 herself. And now you're going to be the first earth operative in the Galactic Kids Next Door. Do you have any idea how proud we are of you?

--

Mrs. Uno: Now run along and promise to stay away from all those black holes and exploding supernovas, all right?

Numbuh 1: I promise, mom.

--

Numbuh 1: H-How did you know I was leaving?

Numbuh 2: Well, science nerds kind of stink in keeping secrets from each other. So I put together some stuff for your trip. All the essentials. Yipper comics, a couple of boxes of chewy pellets, some new 2x4 tech stuff I've been working on... (cries) probably useless compared to what these galactic guys have, but... you never know.

Numbuh 1: I'm sure your inventions will be way better, Hoagie.

Numbuh 2: I wish we were going with you... everything's going to be new and exciting for you, and everything here is going to be the same... except you won't be with us...

Numbuh 1: I'll be with you. Even if I'm a million, trillion miles away. Goodbye, old friend.

Numbuh 2: Good luck, Nigel.

-

Numbuh 3: (cheerfully) So... what are we going to do tomorrow, Numbuh 1?

Numbuh 1: Uh... I'm not going to be here, Numbuh 3.

Numbuh 3: Oh. Then what about the day after that?

Numbuh 1: Uh, let me explain, Kuki...

Numbuh 3: (still cheerfully) Oh, I know you're leaving, silly! What do you think I am? An airhead or something?

Numbuh 1: (smiles, then says gently) Never for a second.

Numbuh 3: (tears in her eyes) We're going to miss you a lot, Numbuh 1.

Numbuh 1: (tears in his eyes) I'm going to miss you too, Kuki.

(Numbuh 3 kisses Numbuh 1 on the head)

---

Numbuh 4: So, this is it then, huh, you're leaving us?!

Numbuh 1: Wally, it's not like that.

Numbuh 4: Yeah I know, I know, you got to go save space kids up in Canada and stuff, but what about us here on Earth, we need you too, you know!

Numbuh 1: I guess the Kids Next Door think they need me more out there.

Numbuh 4 (tears in his eyes): Yeah well, if you need any help you'll call right, cause you know we'll come running right?!

Numbuh 1 (tears in his eyes): Of course I know. You take care, okay?

Numbuh 4: Yeah, see you.

--

Numbuh 5: Look at you. Best operative on the planet. And to think I had to convince you not to quit this morning.

Numbuh 1: If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be in the Kids Next Door in the first place.

Numbuh 5: Oh, please. They wouldn't find out eventually. I mean, this guys did. Look, are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to go!

Numbuh 1: You know I can't pass this up, Abby. You're only a kid once, right? So this means you're in charge of Sector V again. (hands sunglasses)

Numbuh 5: Oh, no, no, no... Nu-uh-uh-uh!

Numbuh 1: I'm not giving you a choice this time. Who else is going to take care of the guys?

Numbuh 5: B-But...!

Numbuh 1: Abby, we both know you're the only one on this team with a real common sense. While I'm screaming that we're being invaded by tiny kid-eating leeches falling from the sky, you're the one telling me it's only snowing. You're a way better leader than I ever was. So lead the Sector V.

Numbuh 5: (teary-eyed) But... it won't be the Sector V... without you...

Numbuh 1: It was before, and will be after.

--

Numbuh 1: All right guys, listen up. Even if we'll never see each other again, just promise me one thing, that you'll never grow up. Even if you are 100 years old and don't remember a thing about our times together, you'll still be a kid at heart, okay? So who's with me!


 * Numbuh 5: Five! (puts hand out)
 * Numbuh 4: Four! (puts hand on top of Numbuh 5's hand)
 * Numbuh 3: Three! (puts hand on top)
 * Numbuh 2: Two! (puts hand on top)
 * Numbuh 1: One! (puts hand on top and smiles) Kids Next Door... (group hugs) goodbye.

--
 * Adult Kuki Sanban: (crying) And that was the last time we saw Numbuh 1. We all missed him so much... but I think Wally took the hardest.


 * Adult Wallaby Beatles: Yeah... I sure did. (to Hoagie) And would you mind hugging your own wife instead of mine?


 * Adult Hoagie Gilligan: (realizes; to Kuki) Hey! You're not Abby!

--
 * Adult Abigail Lincoln: (crying) And that's all I remember. Everything is getting kind of fuzzy again. But I hope I have answered all your questions.


 * Interviewer: Oh, you've helped me all right. (reveals himself to be Father) Now I know where Numbuh 1 is! (burst into flames)

---
 * Adult Abigail: (answers the phone) Hello? Yeah. We told him everything he wanted to hear. We'll meet you up on the moon base, okay? Oh, and Numbuh 1... welcome back.