Tobey or Consequences

(Scene 1: The McCallister home.)

Narrator: Claire McCallister is about to go on a business trip, and leave a babysitter in charge of her son… the mischievous boy genius, Tobey!

Claire: OK, just a few more things before I go.

Babysitter: OK!

Claire: (Handing her various remote control devices) Here’s the homing device for Tobey’s tracking bracelet… the button to short out his electrical defense shield… the nullifier to neutralize his giant attacking robots… what else, what else?...

Babysitter: Wait! Giant attacking robots??

Claire: OK, got to go! Bye! (Walks out the door.)

(The babysitter looks nervously over toward Tobey’s room. Then she walks toward it, opens the door, and peers in. Tobey appears to be sitting on a rocking chair, reading a book about robots. He looks over at her and smiles, then goes back to reading.)

The babysitter closes the door, waits a few seconds, then barges in again.)

Babysitter: Gotcha! (She sees that he is still sitting and reading.) Oh! (giggles, then leaves closing the door.)

(After she is gone, the image of Tobey flickers. Shortly after that, the closet door opens, to reveal that Tobey is actually in there, and what the babysitter was seeing was a hologram projection. Tobey gives an evil laugh.)

(Scene 2: The Botsford house.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the Botsford front yard...

(Becky and her dad are kneeling down in front of a flower bed. Bob is trimming a bush.)

Mr. Botsford: Hmm...Enormo-Grow, for truly  enormous  plants! (Dumps the box onto the ground.)

(The plant that Bob is trimming suddenly grows large and hovers over him. Bob goes into attack mode. The plant makes a threatening gesture, but is quickly flattened by the large metal foot of a robot.)

Mr. Botsford: Whoa! Hey there, big fella! (The robot continues on past their yard.) Hmm… seems to be heading downtown!

Becky: (to Bob) We’d better follow it!

Mr. Botsford: Why?

Becky: Oh! Uh… ah… school project?

Mr. Botsford: Hm. OK! Have fun!

Becky: Thanks, Dad! (She and Bob take off -- literally -- but Mr. Botsford doesn’t notice.)

Mr. Botsford: Aw! Big lug knocked over my watering can!

(Another robot shows up. A nozzle appears from its finger, and it points it at Mr. Botsford. Then it moves over slightly, and sprays water onto the bush).

Mr. Botsford: Oh! Thank you!

(Scene 3: Somewhere in the city. A robot is causing havoc, and people are running and screaming. Three robots are playing jump rope on the streets. Tobey is on top of a building, controlling them.)

Tobey: Ok now, who wants to compete in the long jump? (All three robots raise their hands.) Excellent. Step up, boys! Ready number 3? (It jumps)

Tobey: Ooh, good distance, but I have to take points off for the landing. Ok, ready number 8?

(A streak comes by, and knocks the head off of the robot. The body of the robot falls. WordGirl appears, holding the robot’s head.)

WordGirl: Tobey, Tobey, Tobey…

Tobey: WordGirl! (pause) Hey… what’s up?

(She lands on a nearby building, next to Captain Huggy Face.)

WordGirl: Mmm… what’re you doing?

Tobey: You know, just… hangin’.

WordGirl: Any chance you can “hang” without crashing your  enormous  robots into buildings?

Tobey: No.

WordGirl: Of course not. Well, have fun rebuilding them!

Tobey: WordGirl, WordGirl, WordGirl… did you really think I’d make a special trip to the city with just three robots? (Presses a button on his remote, and dozens of robots appear around them.)

WordGirl: Oh, boy! (to Huggy) How many do you think you can take?

(He goes through some fight moves, then holds up two fingers.)

WordGirl: (looking at him) Huggy!

(Huggy lowers one of his fingers.  Then he jumps onto the head of one of the robots, which starts spinning.)

Tobey: Oh WordGirl, what would you like to see next? A relay race, or robot hopskotch?

WordGirl: Neither, Tobey! Because I happen to know your weakness, and her name is Mommy! (She holds up her phone) Prepare to go to your room!

Tobey:  (in a surprised tone) You have me on speed dial?

WordGirl: Yeah.

Tobey: That’s… cool! Hey, if you ever-- want to-- go out for ice cream, or…

WordGirl: Strictly for business purposes!

Tobey: Right! Right.

(She phones Tobey’s house. The babysitter answers.)

Babysitter: Hello?

WordGirl: Hi-- um, Mrs. McCallister?

Babysitter: She’s away on business, can I take a message?

WordGirl: Actually, Tobey’s wrecking the city with a bunch of robots, so--

Babysitter: Uh, sure he is. How can he be wrecking the city when he’s sitting right here?

WordGirl: Uh, I don’t know the answer to that, but-- wait, what?!

Babysitter: He’s only like the best kid I ever babysat!

WordGirl: No, he’s destroying the city! No-no-no-no-no!

Babysitter: Talk to ya later. Goodbye! (Hangs up, and continues talking to the fake Tobey.) Oh! Do you believe the weirdos in this world? Now where were we? Oh, right! Kayla called back, even though I told her I totally like him, and like Kayla’s supposed to be my best friend, and she totally went behind my back, I told her we were totally not friends anymore. Do you think I did the right thing? (The hologram nods in agreement, at just the right time.) Oh, thank you! You are such a good listener!

(Meanwhile, back in the city…)

Tobey; So, did you have a nice little conversation with the babysitter? (laughs)

WordGirl: (to Huggy) Huggy! Activate emergency plan #67! I’ll stall for time! (Huggy stumbles around, still dizzy from spinning on the robot head) No, that’s 54! (He does a spin.) No that’s 113! No, that’s-- just go talk to the babysitter!

Tobey: Well, WordGirl, what now? Hmm?

WordGirl: Actually, I’m not sure. I’ve never faced an  enormous  army of robots before!

Tobey: Ahh,  enormous . What a painfully ordinary word! After all, you are WordGirl, aren’t you? Couldn’t you have come up with a better word for big? Like massive, or gigantic, or… ooh! gargantuan?

WordGirl: Listen, I’m not going to stand here and  bicker  with you about words!

Tobey:  Bicker , hmm? What about tussle?

WordGirl: Tussle’s good. I like brawl! (Flies up, grabs one of the robots by the hand and spins it around, knocking the heads off of the nearby robots. Tobey looks at her, lovestruck. She continues knocking down the robots)

Tobey: (coming back to his senses) Stop! Stop!

WordGirl: “Stop” is such an easy word! What about cease?

Tobey: Okay… cease! Or the rest of my robots will tear this city apart!

WordGirl: Fine. (throws the robot she is holding to the ground) I’ve halted.

Tobey: Oh, you think you’re so smart, don’t you? With you super powers, and your vocabulary, and your luminous smile--

WordGirl: What?

Tobey: But you can be beaten, just like everyone else! I’m going to prove that I’m smarter than you! And then you’ll be mine, all mine!!

WordGirl: What do you mean by, I’ll be all yours?

Tobey: Oh-- uh, nothing, never mind. (clears throat) Have you ever seen the game show, “Cash or Pie”?

WordGirl: Yeah.

Tobey: Well, now it’s time to play… “Crash or Pie!” He-he-he-he! Ha ha! (clears throat again)

(He presses a button, and the robots appear to start chuckling at his humor.)

Tobey: Yes, thank you, I know. (to WordGirl) If I win, you have to sit and watch as my robots destroy the city! Also, I promised a friend that I’d get a photo of you signed, “Tobey, all my love, WordGirl.” Uh, his name is Tobey too! Anyway, if I lose, which isn’t likely, I’ll shut down my robots, but I still need the photo. Deal?

WordGirl: Do I have a choice?

Tobey: Not really.

WordGirl: (presses the button on her belt, and speaks to herself softly) Hurry up, Huggy!

(Back at the McCallister house, Huggy is standing outside the front door. He presses the doorbell, and the door opens.)

Babysitter: Oh, wow! An aardvark in tights! (Huggy slaps himself in the face. He squeaks at her, trying to convey his message.) Are you trying to tell me something? (Huggy mimics a robot, spins around, then pretends to be making a call.) Oh, maybe Tobey’s good at charades! He’s such a good listener… (giggles) ... you know, I’ve been talking to him a couple of hours, I know it’s hard to believe because I’m so shy, but he’s so easy to talk to, he’s just like one of those people, you’re just like bla-bla-bla-bla-bla, and five hours later you realize you’ve been talking that long, you know…

(Huggy’s belt is still flashing from WordGirl trying to signal him. Huggy is getting bored listening to her.)

(Back in the city, Tobey and WordGirl are on the street standing behind two podiums. One of the robots brings a backdrop and sets it behind them.)

Narrator: Welcome folks, to the first ever showing of… er, uh…

Tobey: (whispering to Narrator) Crash or Pie.

Narrator: ...Crash or Pie! Now, introducing our contestants. From the suburbs, he’s a 10-year-old genius, who enjoys wreaking havoc with his robots, and also has a secret crush on WordGirl…

Tobey: (stunned) Hey!

Narrator: Let’s welcome Theodore “Tobey” McCallister!

(Tobey presses his remote, and the robots clap.)

Tobey: Yes, thank you. Save it for the end!

Narrator: And from the planet Lexicon, she’s a pint-size powerhouse who enjoys reading, decorating her dollhouse, and pulverizing those who stand in the way of justice, let’s welcome WordGirl! (cheers and applause from citizens who are nearby, or possibly from a recording)

WordGirl: Hello!

Tobey: (to Narrator) Um… no secret crushes?

Narrator: As a matter of fact, she does! But-- I’m not allowed to say.

Tobey: But, you revealed mine!

Narrator: Yeah, but it’s her show!

Tobey: Just start the game.

Narrator: Fine. Here are the rules: I’ll say a word. The first person to hit the buzzer and give another word that means the same thing as that word gets a point! Understand?

WordGirl: (Buzzes in) Comprehend!

Narrator: Correct! (WordGirl gets a point)

Tobey: Hey, the game hasn’t started!

Narrator: Excuse me, but I’m the host! I’ll say when the game has started!

WordGirl: (Buzzes in) Commenced!

Narrator: Correct! (WordGirl gets another point)

Tobey: Hey!

Narrator: Ok, WordGirl has jumped out to an early lead! Let’s see if she can keep it. Ready?

Tobey: (buzzes in) Prepared!

Narrator: Oh, I’m sorry, Tobey! We weren’t playing yet! (Audience laughter) That’s embarrassing… (chuckles) Okay, the next word is… soggy!

WordGirl: (buzzes in) Wet!

Narrator: Correct! (gives her a point)

Tobey: Hold on a sec! You’re cheating!

WordGirl: I am not!

Tobey: Yes you are! You’re using your super-speed to buzz in before I can!

WordGirl: No I’m not, I’m just smarter than you.

Tobey: Is that so? Well, if that’s how you want to play… (he presses a button on his remote, and a robot picks up a bus and throws it.)

Narrator: The next word is--

WordGirl: Hey! (She flies off and rescues the bus)

Narrator: -- Admire!

Tobey: (clears throat) Like!

Narrator: Correct! (gives Tobey a point, just as WordGirl returns to her podium.)

WordGirl: No fair, you cheated!

Tobey: It was an accident, my finger slipped!

Narrator: Next word is-- finish!

Tobey: (presses button on remote again, triggering another robot to attack a building) Whoopsie!

WordGirl: Hey! (flies off again to take care of the robot)

Tobey: End!

Narrator: Correct! (gives Tobey another point)

WordGirl: (to herself while flying) What’s taking Huggy so long?

(Scene shifts to inside Tobey’s bedroom. Huggy is still doing charades, trying to explain what’s happening in the city.)

Babysitter: (talking to Tobey’s hologram) Are you having as hard a time as hard a time understanding him as I am? (The hologram again nods at an appropriate time. She then talks to Huggy) If Tobey can’t understand you, then nobody can. He’s like the best kid I ever babysitted, and I’ve babysitted them all… wait--is it babysitted, or babysat, I can never remember…

(As she is talking, the hologram flickers, and Huggy tries to get the Babysitter’s attention, but she just goes on talking.)

Babysitter: ...and he’s like the best kid ever, he’s so quiet, I don’t think he even said two words since I’ve been here. It’s so funny his mom even thinks I need this! (holds up a remote) I don’t even know what it does, something about robots, but…

(Huggy beams at the sight of the remote. He grabs it from her and runs.)

Babysitter: Hey! (She starts to run after him, but trips on a power cord, which unplugs the hologram generator. She watches as Tobey’s image disappears, then picks up the device that she unplugged, and realizes she has been had.) Why, you little-- !

(Scenes changes back to the city, where Tobey and WordGirl are still playing.)

Narrator: Well, after a strong rally by Tobey--

WordGirl: And a healthy dose of cheating!

Narrator: --We’re tied at six! Time for… the lightning round! You each take a turn giving a synonym for the lightning word! The first person to give a wrong word loses! We start with WordGirl. Are you ready?

WordGirl: Oh, yeah!

Tobey: Bring it!

Narrator: Ok, here we go! The lightning word is…  Enormous !

WordGirl: Big.

Tobey: Large.

WordGirl: Jumbo.

Tobey: Huge!

WordGirl: Gargantuan!

Tobey: Massive!

WordGirl: Mammoth!

Tobey: (struggling to come up with another word) uh… Giant!

WordGirl: Gigantic!

Tobey: (still struggling) uh… uhh… Unsmall!

WordGirl: What?

Tobey: Unsmall.

WordGirl: That’s not a word!

Tobey: Is too!

WordGirl: Is not!

Tobey: Is too!

WordGirl: Is not!

Tobey: IS TOO!

WordGirl: IS NOT!

Narrator: Whoa, stop! When there’s an argument, it’s up to the judge to decide who’s right.

WordGirl: Ah, fine.

Tobey: (gruffly) Fine.

Narrator: The fate of the city hangs in the balance! What will the brilliant and handsome judge decide?

Tobey: Oh brother.

Narrator: Will he side with WordGirl, and save the city? Or will he side with Tobey, and watch it be destroyed?? Stay tuned and find out! (pause) Um… what was the argument about again?

WordGirl: Well, the original word was  enormous , and Tobey’s answer was unsmall!

Narrator: Oh, that’s not a word. WordGirl wins!

WordGirl: Well, Tobey, looks like it’s time to shut down your (does air quotes) “unsmall” friends!

Tobey: Oh, I’m sorry! I forgot to tell you something… (holds his remote in front of him and presses the button)

WordGirl: Hey!

Tobey: ...I’m a very sore loser!

(WordGirl flies up and prepares to battle the robots, but they all abruptly shut down. She returns to the podium.)

Tobey: What did you do?!

WordGirl: I have no idea!

(A whistle is heard nearby. Both Tobey and WordGirl look over and see Huggy holding the remote control that he got from the babysitter… one that shuts down the robots!)

WordGirl: Great job, Huggy!

Tobey: Give me that! (jumps Huggy, and they get into a tug of war over the remote. He finally gets it from him) A-HA! (He prepares to start up the robots again, when a car pulls up. His mother steps out and walks toward him.)

Tobey: Oh, my. (clears throat) Uh, hi Mom! Uh, you look great! Did you have a nice trip? (notices her looking at all the robots lying around) What? Oh--these! These aren’t mine. I--I was just out for a walk… minding my own busi---

(The babysitter, who had come along with Mrs. McCallister, dangles the hologram machine in front of him.)

Tobey: ---ness… uh, OK… these are mine, but I wasn’t going to-- uh-- oh, forget it. (his mother grabs him by the ear and drags him away) Ow, ow, ow!

Narrator: And so, the city is safe once again, all thanks to WordGirl! Oh, and Captain Huggy Face! (Huggy jumps into the leg of a standing robot, knocking it over.) And I should probably mention the babysitter, she helped out too! And Tobey’s mom…

WordGirl: Hey c’mon, wrap it up!

Narrator: Fine, sorry.

WordGirl: You too, Huggy!

(Huggy goes after one last robot)

Narrator: Join us again next time, for the Amazing Colossal Adventures of WordGirl! Oh, and thanks for playing Crash or Pie… goodnight!