The Pilot (Friends)

Rachel:I know that you and I kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city. Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding...?

Rachel: Oh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue

[Rachel is supposed to be cutting up her credit cards] Everybody: Cut, cut, cut, cut.

Rachel: [cuts a card] You know what? I think we can leave it at that. It was kind of a symbolic gesture...

Monica: Rachel, that was a library card.

[Everybody cheers her on, and she reluctantly cuts a credit card]

Chandler: You know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.

Monica: [to Rachel] Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it.

Joey:Ok Ross, you're gettin a divorce... you're angry, you're hurtin... can I tell you what the answer is?... STRIP JOINTS! Come on! You're single! Have some hormones! Ross: But I don't want to be single... I just want to be married again

[Rachel walks in wearing wedding dress] Chandler: And I just want a million dollars!

Joey: Hey, Phoebs, do you wanna help? Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to. Chandler: All right, kids, I've got to get to work. If I don't input those numbers-... Doesn't make much of a difference.

Ross: [after he's broken up with Carol] Hi... Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. Phoebe: Ooh, ugh.

[as Ross sits down on the sofa, Phoebe begins "cleansing his aura"] Ross:Oh, no, no. Stop cleansing my aura.

Phoebe: But...

[she continues to "cleanse his aura"]

Ross:No, just leave my aura alone, okay?

Phoebe:Fine. Be murky.

Ross:I'll be fine, really, you guys. I hope she'll be very happy.

Monica:No, you don't.

Ross:No, I don't! To hell with her! She left me!

Joey:You never knew she was a lesbian?

Ross: [stares at Joey] No! Okay? Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know. How should I know?

Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

[everyone stares at Chandler]

Chandler: Did I say that out loud?

Ross: Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I grabbed a spoon? Do the words "Billy, don't be a hero" mean anything to you?

Joey:Great story, but I gotta go. I got a date with Angela... Andrea... Oh, man!

Chandler:Andrea's the screamer, Angela has cats.

Joey: Right, thanks. It's Julie. I'm outta here!

Rachel:Guess what?

Ross:You got a job?

Rachel:Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed at in 12 interviews today. Chandler:And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.

Rachel:Well, you would be too if you got new boots with 50% off!

Chandler: Oh, how well you know me.

Rachel: It's like all my life everybody keeps telling that I'm a shoe. You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe! But what if I don't want to be a shoe anymore? Maybe I'm a purse, or a hat... I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat! It's a metaphor, daddy!