Opposites Detract

(Setting: a canyon. A Chinese man dressed all in white is climbing out of the canyon. He's almost out when the rock crumbles beneath him, sending him tumbling back into the canyon. He then notices he is surrounded by snarling wolves.)

Aladdin: (from the top of the canyon) Don't move! I'll be right down! Genie!

Genie: You've got it, Al!

(Genie uses one of his hands as a grappling hook and shoots it toward the other side of the canyon. Aladdin slides down the rope and knocks one of the wolves out of the way before it reaches the man.)

Iago: Why is it every time we're in a rush he has to make like a hero?

(One wolf starts biting Aladdin's arm while the other wolves surround him.)

Genie: (as an announcer) The sky is clear and the track is dry. Folks, we're gonna see some top-notch racing!

(Genie zaps the wolves and they're suddenly on a track and wearing numbers like racing greyhounds, looking very confused.)

Genie: Contestants, on your marks! (turns into the mechanical rabbit the greyhounds chase)They're off!

(Rabbit-Genie starts running along a rail; the wolves chase him. Genie goes into a tunnel, but when the wolves try to go in after him it turns out to be just a poster of a tunnel over solid rock, and they crash into it.)

Genie: (shrugs) Watch a cartoon once and awhile!

Man: Dragon! Run! Danger! Must get away! (runs away from Aladdin)

Aladdin: Dragon? What's he talking about?

Iago: It's a total freak-out! Back away slowly.

Genie: (appearing in front of the man) Hey, what's up?

(The man is so shocked that he faints.)

Genie: Whoa, all I said was, "hey, what's up?"

Aladdin: Must be heatstroke, Genie. Come on, let's get him out of here.

(Setting: the desert, a short while later. Aladdin is riding a camel and has a sack of trade goods with him, and Iago and Abu are riding another camel. Carpet is carrying the unconscious man, while Genie flies along next to him.)

Aladdin: Genie, will he make it?

Genie: How many fingers do you see? (no reaction) Ooh, he's gone from seeing things to seeing nothing!

Iago: (to his camel) Haul humps, you deadbeat!

(Abu looks like he is passing out and leans on Iago.)

Iago: Watch it, monkey! You're gettin' heat exhaustion all over me!

Aladdin: Iago, calm down!

Iago: Calm down? We'll be jerky meat by the time we get to Pei Ling. Caravans are supposed to make money, and to make money a caravan has to trade, so let's start trading already!

Genie: Can we start by trading you for an animal with a sunny disposition?

(Abu grins.)

Genie: Ah, yes, the monkey. Nature's little clown.

Iago: Save it!

Aladdin: Iago, your temper is way out of control!

Iago: IT IS NOT!!!

Genie: You're a hothead!

(Genie turns his head into a rocket, hands it to Iago, and lights the fuse. The rocket shoots up high above the clouds, where Iago can see a city up ahead.)

Iago: Hey, it's Pei Ling City! (the rocket starts to fall) Yaaah!

Genie: (catching Iago) Rest stop next exit!

(Setting: Pei Ling. Aladdin and his friends have reached the city, but it looks abandoned.)

Aladdin: This is Pei Ling?

Genie: (looking at a map) The trading hub of the East.

Iago: Oh, yeah, this the crossroads of the world all right! Where is everybody?!

Genie: Three-day weekend?

Man: (waking up and looking around him) No, it can't be! I must get away!

Aladdin: What can't be?

Man: Did you bring me back here?

Aladdin: No trouble. Don't thank me!

Man: You have summoned catastrophe by bringing me to this wicked place!

Aladdin: Catastrophe?

Man: This is a city of destruction! Of evil! Of the dragon!

Genie: (as a reporter, taking notes) Hold on, I've got "destruction" and "evil"! What was the last thing?

Man: A dragon!

Woman: (walking up to them) Don't worry! The dragon is gone!

Iago: Then let's open up shop and do some trading!

Woman: Oh, no! Today we close our market to celebrate!

Iago: Some people'll look for any excuse to loaf!

Aladdin: Iago! Settle down!

Man: The dragon lives on! He will destroy again!

(Abu points to a parade coming towards them. At the beginning of the parade some men are carrying a paper dragon.)

Iago: A dragon, ooh, scary! It's a parade float!

Genie: A parade? (turns into a float) I love a parade!

Aladdin: (to the man) Heh, your dragon is paper. I think we can handle it.

Man: You don't understand! (runs away)

Aladdin: Hey! Wait!

(The man runs into an alley and hides. While he's catching his breath, he notices a similar-looking man, but wearing dark red instead of white, towering over him.)

Man in red: Hello, Zin. Miss me?

Zin: Zang, please! Not again!

(Zang grabs Zin's wrist, and they are surrounded by a magic glow.)

Aladdin: Where'd he go?

Iago: He's a flake, forget 'im. Now let's get down to business.

Aladdin: Would you relax? We have plenty of time to trade.

(A shadow looms over the parade spectators. They scream when they realize that it's caused by a red dragon flying towards them.)

Genie: (still a float) Boy, is that good! I bet it wins the governor's trophy!

(The dragon flies after Genie, who starts running away.)

Genie: Watch out! You'll disqualify me!

(The dragon scratches Genie, and he deflates. It then destroys the paper dragon, a row of buildings, and a pagoda.)

Aladdin: Zin wasn't kidding! This town has a dragon problem! (starts climbing up onto the roof of a building) Somebody better slow him down! And that somebody is me!

(Aladdin jumps on the dragon's back as it flies by.)

Iago: Oh, this is gonna be ugly.

Aladdin: (hanging on for dear life) Okay, maybe I'm not the someone to slow him down!

Genie: (as a cowboy) Yup, t'ain't nobody been able to ride ol' Whittamaker. But I figure if any buckaroo stands a chance, it's Al.

(The dragon shakes Aladdin off its back, and some sacks break his fall. The dragon then flies back to attack Aladdin, but he picks up a nearby umbrella and opens it in the dragon's mouth. After a few seconds of struggling, it manages to crush the umbrella and spit it out, then turns back to Aladdin.)

Aladdin: Well, Genie, I didn't stop the dragon, but I did make him mad!

Genie: Worry not, Al!

(Genie turns into a samurai in armor and runs at the dragon, which roars at him.)

Genie: Uh, your shoe's untied!

(The dragon slashes at Genie with its claws, cutting him into pieces.)

Genie: Oh! And they said this silk was supposed to wear like iron!

(The dragon tries to attack Genie again, but he creates a crate around it, trapping it.)

Genie: Handle with care! (looks through a hole in the crate, and the dragon tries to slash at him again) Ooh! Stay away from the business end, folks!

Iago: (looking at their smashed trade goods) This is a disaster! Ruined! Everything! What do you people have against a profit motive! What?!

Aladdin: Iago, your temper? Control it!

Iago: You wanna see out of control?! Now I'm outta control! (starts smashing their wares even more) Look at me! I'm animal wild! What're we gonna trade? We came here for nothing!

Mayor: Excuse me, sirs. I am the mayor of Pei Ling. We are deeply sorry for the damage the dragon has caused you.

Iago: Sorry doesn't pay the bills!

Aladdin: Iago! So, your honor, uh, nice town except of course for the, uh, um, the dragon problem.

Mayor: The dragon used to be the protector of our city.

Genie: It's a familiar story. City cuts monster from budget, monster has too much free time, monster snaps. It happens.

Mayor: No. It is because the balance has been lost.

Aladdin: Balance?

Mayor: We believe that life is a delicate balance between joy and sorrow, good and evil.

Genie: (to Iago) Me and you!

Iago: Watch it!

Mayor: Our guardian has become a force of chaos. But you have captured the dragon! There is a fine reward.

Iago: Reward?

(The mayor nods, then gestures towards a nearby cartload of silk cloth.)

Iago: Silk! Gorgeous, ridiculously expensive silk! (jumping onto the pile of silk) Oh, yeah!

Abu: (holding a piece of silk to his face) Ooh…

Iago: It's nice, isn't it?

Abu: Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh!

Iago: And it's mine, so beat it! You'll shed monkey fur on it.

Aladdin: You know, Iago, I don't think you can control your temper.

Iago: Yeah, whatever.

Aladdin: How about a deal? If you can hold your temper until we leave, my share of the silk is yours.

Iago: Did I hear a sucker bet?

Aladdin: Of course, one little tantrum and you get nothing.

Iago: Easy. I'm cool as a cucumber.

Genie: (as a mover) Yo, folks! This box marked "dragon", where do you want it? Kitchen or den? (picks up the crate) Hmm, feels curiously light. Feels almost… (looks inside the crate) empty! Uh, Al? The dragon's gone.

(Setting: Pei Ling, that night.)

Iago: Face it, the dragon is gone. As is our reward.

Aladdin: Shh. I have a gut feeling it's still here.

Iago: I'm supposed to trust your gut? I am out of here!

Aladdin: The bet is still on.

Iago: I'm with you, laddie.

Genie: (as a SWAT team member) Pst! Boys! An anonymous tip places the suspect inside this government warehouse. It's the biggest building in Pei Ling! Semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic deductive reasoning.

Iago: We've sunk to this.

(Aladdin glares at him.)

Iago: Uh, I mean, Genie knows best!

(More Genie SWAT team members arrive, and one of them knocks down the door to the warehouse.)

Genie: After you!

(They enter the warehouse. Aladdin and Abu are carrying lanterns.)

Aladdin: Smells funny in here.

Iago: Dragon smell?

(Abu sees a paper dragon and is so scared he drops his lantern and runs away. We now see the crates in the warehouse are filled with fireworks.)

Genie: (relieved) Gunpowder smell! (alarmed) Gunpowder?!

(The flame from Abu's lantern is working its way toward the crates of fireworks. They all run out of the building and hide behind some barrels just before it explodes.)

Aladdin: Well, if the dragon's around, he's awake.

(Zin pops up from inside one of the barrels and gasps when he sees the fireworks.)

Genie: Hey! It's the heatstroke-delirious-run-away-screaming guy!

Zin: My name is Zin Lao.

Genie: Nice barrel! I live in a lamp!

Aladdin: Zin, who are you hiding from?

Zin: Myself.

Iago: Yeah, that's very deep. But we're on a dragon hunt with reward pending.

Zin: You do not understand. The dragon will not attack as long as I am with you.

Iago: Right. This is one of those dragons that fears young cowards.

Aladdin: Iago!

Iago: (whispering) Eh, this kid has some complex problems. Let him crawl back into his barrel and we'll scoot.

Genie: (examining the barrel) Hmm, roomier than the lamp but kinda musty. (sticking his head through a knothole) Nice view, though!

Aladdin: Okay, here's what we'll do. Zin knows the town, he can help. We'll split up. Abu, Zin, and I'll search the south side. Carpet, Iago, and Genie take the north. We'll meet back in town square.

(Setting: the north side of town, a little while later. Carpet looks inside a building while Genie, with his head turned into a search light, shines light on him. They haven't found anything.)

Iago: (sarcastic) Another bright idea.

Genie: I know! I'll think like a dragon! (turns his head into a dragon's, breathes fire, then changes back to normal)

Iago: Well?

Genie: Hard to say. Does "a land called Honah Lee" mean anything to you?

Iago: Could have been worse. I could have been on Zin-wimp's team.

(The shutters of one of the houses open and Zang looks outside.)

Iago: Hey, isn't that Zin guy supposed to be checking out the south side?

Genie: (flying up to Zang) Sometimes I have trouble with simple instructions, so I write little reminders on my hand! (turns his hand into a notepad)

Zang: Out of my way! (jumps out of the window to the ground)

Iago: This Zin guy is a deadbeat loser!

Zang: Where is Zin?

Genie: Is this a trick question?

Iago: Hello! You are he, puzzle boy!

Genie: Let's review: we split into two teams, remember? The parrot, the rug, and myself took the north side. You, Zin, should be with Al and Abu on the south side!

Zang: The south side! (runs off)

Genie: Funny guy.

Iago: Hilarious.

(Setting: the south side of town. Aladdin is climbing a stack of crates while Zin watches him.)

Aladdin: Better view up here. Be right back, Zin!

(Zin sees a huge shadow and is frightened for a second, before he realizes it's Abu's. He breathes a sigh of relief. Then, the shadow behind him which looked like his own turns out to be Zang's. Zang puts a hand on Zin's shoulder.)

Zang: Guess who?

(Zin runs away.)

Zang: You will never get away.

(Zang starts to chase after Zin, but Aladdin jumps down and lands in his way.)

Aladdin: Zin, what was that? You okay?

Zang: Out of my way!

Aladdin: Zin, you can't keep running from your problems.

(Zang throws Aladdin to the ground.)

Zang: Fools! I conquer my problems!

(Abu tries to attack Zang, but Zang throws him in Aladdin's face. Zang then runs away after Zin.)

Aladdin: Hey! It was just some simple advice!

(Setting: on the north side of town. Genie, Carpet, and Iago are still searching for the dragon.)

Iago: Never get involved. It's a code that's always worked for me!

Zin: (running past them) Help! Please!

Genie: Zin! (runs after him)

Iago: My code! My code!

Genie: (stops running) But he's scared! He needs us!

(Zang runs past, still chasing Zin.)

Genie: That's a mood swing.

(Zang stops when he comes to a tree. He looks up and sees Zin is hiding in it. He then jumps up onto a tree branch as well.)

Zang: Boo!

Zin: Let me go! (climbs higher)

Zang: There's work to be done here. Let's teach Aladdin a lesson! No one outpowers me! I always win!

(The branch Zin is on breaks, but Zang catches him before he hits the ground. They're surrounded by swirling light in the shape of a yin-yang.)

Zin: No!

(The dragon appears where the twins just were and starts to roar.)

(Aladdin and Abu run up to where Genie and the others are standing.)

Aladdin: Genie!

Genie: Al!

Aladdin and Genie: (together) Something weird is going on.

Iago: I'll tell you what's weird. I spent all night on a wild dragon chase. He's all gone!

Genie: Temper!

Iago: I don't care anymore. No dragon means no silk means mad bird!

(Carpet taps Iago's shoulder.)

Iago: And whadda you want?!

(Carpet points at the dragon which is approaching them.)

Iago: Gentlemen, the bet is still on.

(They all fly away from the dragon, which chases them.)

Genie: Assuming we live!

Iago: Okay, we've gotta catch this thing. What's your plan?

Aladdin: Carpet, let's take him for a ride.

Iago: That's the plan? We're gonna ride-share with a dragon? Even the genie, even the monkey could come up with something better than that!

(The dragon chases them around town, destroying buildings in the process.)

Aladdin: We have to lead him away before he destroys the city. Under the bridges!

(They fly under a tall bridge, then a low one. The dragon follows them.)

Genie: Low bridge! (looks ahead) Even lower bridge!

(Aladdin and his friends just make it under the lowest bridge, but the dragon is too large and gets stuck.)

Genie: I'll take it from here, Al! (jumps into the river) Ooh, I just love the way mud squishes through my toes, don't you?

(The dragon roars at him.)

Genie: (turning the mud into a brick) Well, learn to like it! You're gonna be here for awhile. (builds a brick prison around the dragon) Behold! The Great Wall of Genie!

Aladdin: Thanks, Genie. That should hold him this time.

Iago: Come on, let's get the mayor.

(Abu points towards the prison; red light is shining out of it. Zin then climbs out onto the roof.)

Iago: Not again, I can't take this!

Aladdin: Zin?

Zin: You must get away! It is too dangerous!

Aladdin: Zin, what happened?

Zang: (on another part of the roof) Go ahead, Zin. Tell him. Tell your friend the truth.

Aladdin: Wait a minute!

Genie: Twin Zins!

Iago: Double trouble!

Aladdin: (jumping off Carpet onto the roof) Zin, what is going on?

Iago: Yeah, where's the dragon? Spit it out! (suddenly covers his beak) Oops, the bet! I'm not getting involved.

Zin: That is Zang. My, how shall I say, not-so-better half.

Zang: Ha! That's debatable!

Zin: When we get together there's, well, you've seen it.

Aladdin: You're the evil dragon?

Iago: I'm involved! (whispering) The rewards rules are very explicit. Let him turn into the dragon.

Zin: Zang is the evil one, but he has become so much stronger than I.

Zang: Over the years poor Zin has grown weary in his battle to control me.

(Genie appears as an angel on Zin's shoulder.)

Angel-Genie: Zin! Good can take evil any day!

(A Genie devil appears on Zin's other shoulder.)

Devil-Genie: You wish!

(The angel zaps the devil, who disappears.)

Angel-Genie: This was just a demonstration, but you get the point.

Zang: Let us become the dragon, Zin, and destroy these fools!

Iago: Go ahead, become the dragon. Get the nets! This is it!

(Zang attacks Zin, and they begin to wrestle.)

Iago: Dragon! Dragon! Dragon!

Aladdin: Iago! We could all be killed!

Iago: Then we'll die rich! Yes! Dragon twin powers activate! Come on, Zin baby, go with the flow! What're you waiting for? Dragonize!

Zin: Will you just be quiet!

Aladdin: Yes! Now say that to him!

Zang: Not in a million years!

Zin: No, Zang! Right now!

(Zin pushes Zang off the roof, and Carpet catches him.)

Genie: I think Zin's backbone just grew three sizes!

Aladdin: All right!

(Zang jumps back onto the roof.)

Zang: You are quite the busybody.

(Zang tries to attack Aladdin, but Zin jumps in front of him.)

Zin: Leave him alone!

(Zang tries to punch Zin, but he blocks it.)

Zin: Leave me alone.

(Zin and Zang are surrounded by a glowing white light.)

Zang: You cannot control me! I am—

Zin: Nothing without me!

(As the two men are fighting, they fall off of the roof.)

Aladdin: Zin!

(The dragon appears, but this time it is white instead of red. It bows to Aladdin, who bows back. It then flies over the buildings that were destroyed earlier, and they are magically restored.)

(Setting: Pei Ling, the next day.)

Mayor: Ah, balance. The spirits are at peace.

Aladdin: Well, some more than others.

(Genie and Iago are fighting over a piece of silk.)

Genie: Face it! You blew it when you blew up at Zin!

Iago: If I didn't freak out on Zin, he wouldn't have freaked out on Zang! I saved the day!

Genie: Saved the day, lost the bet.

(Iago, yelling incoherently at the top of his lungs, flies away.)

Aladdin: Ah, yes. The cosmic balance has been restored.

THE END