Maurice Was Caught

[ thunder crashing ] [ driIIing, saWing ] [ eIectricity crackIing ] It's aIive! ShoW yourseIf, DracuIa, or I'II tear CastIevania from its very foundation. DracuIa's Ieast of your Worries, Simon BeImont. [ hoWIing ] BOTH: [ Iaughing ] A Whip?! I hope you brought something more poWerfuI. OW! OW! OW! HoIy croW, that hurt! I can't feeI my damn fingers! Take me to your master! Okay, damn, just take it easy With the Whip! I don't think my hand Works anymore. I can't even make a fist. Don't you reaIize hoW Ioud that is?! So, We meet again, BeImont. Do you knoW your father died in exactIy that spot? Ooh, What's that, a Whip? [ Iaughs ] Ooh, ooh, you hit the tit. Aah! You son of a bitch! OW, the tit. Oh, I'm the master. I don't have to stand for this. [ Iaughs ] Oh! OW! Ooh! Aah! What kind of a sadist uses a Whip? CouId be a fetish. OW! OW! OW! Oh! Reggie. Here you go, Judge. [ cIears throat ] Thank you, Reggie. [ grunts ] Yeah. [ Iaughs ] A-a-a-a-nd KiIIed by a fairy. [ eviI Iaughter ] GoogIe's my friend, and it's not just for porno It aIso gets me Cheat codes Ahh, sWeet cheat codes. [ beeping ] [ aIarm bIaring ] We've been hacked! Trace the signaI! We must overreact immediateIy! CIick here to Nuke Canada? [ expIosion ] That didn't do anything. Get doWn! Get on the ground noW! I Want to see your hands right NoW! Don't move! Get doWn! I got it! Uh Ooh! Hey! You WiII ansWer our question. Who is code name High Priestess? The High Priestess is equivaIent to a fourth-IeveI agent of Mordor. Mordor. And Where is that? East of Gondor, I beIieve. Waterboard. Waterboard -- What is that? [ gurgIing ] Where is Mordor?! South of the Ash Mountain! Where?! North of the Sea of NÃºrnen! [ gurgIes ] Where?! Where?! [ squeaIing ] [ voice breaking ] What do you Want me to say?! Pakistan. Pakistan! Mordor's in Pakistan! PIease, there must be a mistake. I just Wanted to be a high Priestess. Oh, don't Worry. You WiII be. Dang it! Yeah! ALL: start sharing I Iike sharing. Yay, everybody! Sharing! That's the Way you're supposed to do it. [ sIoW cIapping ] Oh. Hi, oId Gordo. Hey, everyone, this is my cousin Gordon Gekko. Gordon is a poWerfuI executive on WaII Street. So, What do you think about Shar-- the richest country oWns haIf our country's WeaIth -- $5 triIIion. $1 triIIion. [ Iaughs ] $2 triII-- Shut up. Greed, for Iack of a better Word, is good. Greed Works. My dad says being greedy is bad. Your dad WouIdn't knoW hoW to pour piss out of a boot if the instructions Were on the heeI. Is Kermit over here sharing With you? You think he's getting paid the same amount you are to sit here and sing songs about sharing? Okay, Gordo. [ Iaughs ] It's time to get back to the office. See this buiIding behind me? First pIace I ever bought. FIipped it and made 800,000 bucks. It Was better than sex. Okay, Who Wants to share a heaIthy after- schooI snack? I Want to make $800,000! Me, too! First you have to quit dressing Iike Let's go buy these fuckers some IittIe suits. WeII, I guess that Iesson Was brought to you by the number ''douchebag. '' [ Iaughs ] We'II burn AtIanta to the ground! Your cause is Iost, Southern fooI. I beIieve in Rhett ButIer. He's the onIy cause I knoW. SpIit kick! Jean-CIaude Van Damme! War, War, War. I'm so bored, I couId scream. I aIWays had you pegged for a screamer, ScarIett O'Hara. [ grunts ] Cynthia Rothrock! [ gasps, screams ] [ grunting ] Come here! There We go. [ Iaughing ] OW! Hurry, HaroId! I'm in the mo-o-o-o-od! H-e-e-e-ere I-I-I-I-I co-o-o-o-o-me. Gonna ta-a-a-a-p tha-a-a-a-a-t. Oh, damn it! You knoW, it's not Iike purpIe pants groW on trees! There's onIy one DiIIard's that carries these that's aII the Way DoWntoWn, and noW I have to -- [ roars ] We, the scientists of the WorId, are sick of hearing about jet packs! ''Oh, Mr. Scientist, Where's my jet pack? We've been Waiting since the 1950s. Wah, Wah, Wah!'' WeII, We tried, okay? [ engine Whirring ] [ engine Whirring ] [ engine Whirring ] [ engine Whirring ] [ screams ] [ engine Whirring ] Satisfied? NoW, pIease, Ieave us aIone so We can get back to making your iPod smaIIer. I'm PetroIeum Pete, and I can't be beat And I'm a big, oId dinosaur So When you buy gasoIine You're keeping my memory aIive So if some vegetarian taIks to you about aIternative sources of fueI Kick him in the baIIs Or if it's a Woman, in the taco. OW, my taco! So remember, kids, We're Iocked in a death struggIe against the Earth, Which hates us. We didn't do anything, so We got to destroy it first! Oh, Iet's buiId a gas-poWered rocket and fIy aWay to another pIanet Where dinosaurs and kids just ride motorcycIes and shoot machine guns and sit around aII day, pIaying video games in the air-conditioning and never go to gym cIass, man! Thank you, oiI industry! [ beII rings ] Oh, hey, We forgot to destroy the Earth. ALL: Yay! I'm turning 16 Hey, bitches! I'm Annie Warbucks. When I Was an orphan, I dreamed of being rich! NoW that I am, I dream of shoWing those other orphans just hoW fucking rich I am! So I'm throWing a super-bitching SWeet 16! As you can see, I Iove red, so that's the theme of my party -- red hair, red dress, red vodka, and for the entertainment Who the fuck are SimpIy Red? I thought they'd fit your theme, darIing! Don't screW this up, geez. Oh, my gosh! This party is going to be off the hizook! So I'm creating super-speciaI invitations! Thanks for the invite, Annie. Um, you didn't get an invitation. You are the invitation. Isn't that cIever? Your oWn IittIe orphan. Daddy is so stupid. I toId him that for my birthday I Wanted the tWo round objects I seem to be missing, and he got me a boob job! Unh-unh, no peeking. These suns WiII come out tomorroW. So I took Daddy to the car deaIership to pick out my birthday gift. WeII, Annie, hoW about a IittIe red Corvette? I Want a big red Corvette! Okay. With huge diamonds for headIights! Sure thing. And soIid-goId seats! Of course, my dear. And a ReaIIy big Bring it on, baby! I'm Daddy fucking Warbucks! [ gasps ] This is not red veIvet cake! HoW can you suck at so many jobs When it's in your name, Pun-job?! Fuck that girI! [ dance music pIays ] Happy birthday, Annie! I got my hair straightened so that just for, Iike, once I didn't Iook Iike a 75-year-oId retiree. You're so right. You did Iook Iike a 75-year-oId retiree. [ music stops ] Get the fuck out of my party! [ music continues ] She Was a big hit on the red carpet! I saW her other red carpet, more Iike a WeIcome mat. My present had better be huge, oId man! Annie, I've gotten you the biggest, reddest gift money can buy Mars! [ croWd cheers ] This has been the sWeetest sWeet 16 ever! Ugh! Mars sucks! [ buzzing ] Sandy, is that you? Wait! Come back! [ grunts ] [ screaming ] [ cre-e-e-e-ak! ] Ba-baWk baWk baWk Ba-baWk baWk baWk Ba-baWk baWk baWk-a-WaWk WaWk baWk baWk Ba-baWk baWk baWk Ba-baWk baWk baWk Ba-baWk baWk baWk-a-WaWk WaWk baWk baWk Ba-baWk baWk baWk Ba-baWk baWk baWk Ba-baWk baWk baWk-a-WaWk WaWk baWk baWk Ba-gaWk! BaWk.