The Road to El Dorado


 * ''[first lines, as the song begins playing with the narrator singing, then cut to Spain in 1519]
 * Cortes: [putting the cup in the water fountain, filling up] Today, we sail to conquer the new world, for Spain, for glory, for gold!
 * ''[the crowd cheers, then shouting]
 * Man 1: Viva Cortes!
 * ''[the guns fire, then Altivo steps back]
 * Cortes: [grunts] Altivo, eyes foward. ''[throws a cup at the poster at Tulio and Miguel, saying, "Wanted: Reward 100 Doubloons"]
 * Tulio: [throws a dice] Seven!
 * Miguel: All right!
 * Tulio: Yes!
 * Miguel: Partner! Hee-hee!
 * ''[Tulio grabs the dice]
 * Miguel: [singing while playing the guitar] Tons of gold for you!
 * Tulio: Hey!
 * Miguel: [continues singing while playing the guitar] Tons of gold for me!
 * Zaragoza: Hey!
 * Both: [singing] Tons of gold for we!
 * Zaragoza: Hey! One more roll!
 * ''[Miguel plucks the notes of the guitar]
 * Tulio: Uh, guys, you're broke! You got nothin' to bet with!
 * Zaragoza: Oh, yeah? [shows a map] I got this!
 * Man 2: A map!
 * Tulio: A map?
 * Miguel: A map!
 * Zaragoza: A map of the wonders of the new world.
 * Miguel: Wow! Let's have a look. [the fingers points to the map, then grabbing it] Uh, Tulio! [grabs Tulio]
 * Tulio: Excuse us, for one moment, please.
 * Miguel: Tulio, look! El Dorado, the city of gold. This could be our destiny, our fate.
 * Tulio: Miguel, if I believed in fate, I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice.
 * Miguel: Hmmm.
 * Tulio: [chuckling] Not with the face. No, no, no, no, no. No! No! No!
 * ''[Miguel whimpers, then panting like a dog]
 * Zaragoza: [grabs the map] I said one more roll! My map against your cash.
 * Miguel: Hmm?
 * Tulio: All right, peewee. You're on!
 * Zaragoza: Not with those! This time we use my dice. Ehh, got a problem with that?
 * Tulio: [whimpering] No. [he grabs the dice, then whispering] I'm going to kill you.
 * ''[the map drops on the peseta coins, then Miguel continues playing the guitar]
 * Tulio: Come on, baby. Papa needs that crappy map.
 * ''[he continues playing the guitar, then handing the dice, then walking away, then blowing at the dice]
 * Tulio: Stop that! Show me seven!
 * ''[Miguel watches the dice, then spinning on the ground, then gasping, then landing on the ground by making it seven, then cheering]
 * Tulio: Seven!
 * Miguel: All right!
 * Tulio: Seven!
 * ''[Miguel grabs the map]
 * Tulio: [laughing, then grabbing the peseta coins] There it is! Well, nice doing business with you.
 * ''[the red dice makes it seven]
 * Zaragoza: [pounding on the ground] I knew it!
 * ''[Tulio grabs the dice, then Miguel continues playing the guitar]
 * Zaragoza: Your dice are loaded!
 * ''[Miguel continues playing the guitar, then grabbing the guitar]
 * Tulio: What? You gave me the loaded dice? [the face hits the guard's body] He gave me loaded dice! Guard, arrest him!
 * Miguel: You dare to impugn my honor? He was the one who was cheating! [pushes Tulio] Arrest him! He tricked these sailors and took their money!
 * Tulio: Oh, now I'm the thief?
 * Miguel: Yes.
 * Tulio: Take a look in the mirror, pal!
 * Miguel: Oh, you better give them that money back, or I'll... [grabs the sword] En garde!
 * Tulio: En garde, yourself. I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death. [grabs a small sword, then grabbing a sword] But not with that. Ha! I prefer to fight fairly. Aha!
 * ''[they both begin fighting]
 * Tulio: [growling] Well, any last words?
 * Miguel: I will cut you to ribbons, fool!
 * Tulio: Such mediocrity. Let your sword do the talking.
 * Miguel: I will. It will be loquacious to a fault! Ha! Take that!
 * ''[they continue fighting]
 * Tulio: You, mincing, fencing, twit.
 * Miguel: Ah, you fight like my sister.
 * ''[they both continue fighting up at the roof]
 * Tulio: I fought your sister. That's a compliment.
 * Miguel: Braggart!
 * Tulio: Heathen!
 * ''[the top of the roof breaks]
 * Man 3: Kill him!
 * Miguel: Not the face. Not the face. [grabs the sword]
 * ''[the crowd cheer]
 * Miguel: Ladies and gentlemen, we've decided it's a draw. [throws the swords on the ground] Thank you all for coming. You've been great. See you soon.
 * Tulio: Adios!
 * ''[they both fall to the ground]
 * Miguel: Congratulations. You're very good.
 * Tulio: No. That was good. Very...
 * ''[the black bull appears while snorting, then they both gasp, then mooing, then snorting]
 * Miguel: We should have kept our swords, I think.
 * Tulio: Y-Yeah.
 * ''[the bull snorts]
 * Tulio: [offscreen, whispering] Yeah, I've got a plan.
 * Miguel: What is it?
 * Tulio: Uh, well... Uh, you pet him...
 * Miguel: Yeah.
 * Tulio: ...and I'll run!
 * ''[they both begin running]
 * Miguel: Uh, well, thanks a lot!
 * ''[the black bull continues running at Tulio and Miguel, then climbing on the wall, then knocking the wall, then sliding down, then running at the people]
 * Man 4: There they are!
 * ''[the black bull continues running at Tulio and Miguel, then the guards appear, taking the swords out, then then going inside with the woman screaming]
 * Tulio: Bye. Thank you!
 * ''[the black bull knocks everybody over, with pieces in the air, with the hat rolling down the stairs, then going up then grabbing the clothesline while swinging, with the clothes falling on the guards, then the arrows shoot at the building with Tulio and Miguel, then running, then looking down at the barrels in water]
 * Miguel: I'll bet we can make that.
 * ''[they both look at the guards]
 * Guard: There they are!
 * Tulio: Two pesetas says we can't.
 * ''[they both jump in the barrels]


 * Miguel: You're on!
 * ''[they both fall down in the barrels]
 * Miguel: [offscreen, in a barrel] You lose!
 * ''[flips the two peseta coins in the barrel, then closing the barrels, then the rope carries the barrels to the ship]
 * Miguel: [offscreen] Ohhh!
 * Tulio: [offscreen] Whoa! What's happening here?
 * Miguel: [offscreen] We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge.
 * ''[the man lowers the barrels at the ship, then rolling the barrels, then putting the barrels, then opening the corks]
 * Tulio: [in a barrel] Okay, Miguel, we gotta move fast. On three, we jump out and head for the dock.
 * Miguel: [in a barrel] Good. Good. Okay. Excellent.
 * Together: One, two, three...
 * ''[the men put the chest on the barrels]
 * Both: [grunting] Th-Three! [straining] Three! Ohh! [straining] Three!
 * ''[cut at night, showing the half moon]


 * Tulio: [offscreen, in a barrel] Are you ready? Ah, okay. One more. Let's go.
 * Together: One, two, three! [opening the top of the barrels]
 * '''[they hear a fly buzzing, then the wind whistling]
 * Tulio: Excuse us.
 * Miguel: Okay. We're outta here.
 * Tulio: Who ordered the, uh, pickles?
 * ''[the sailor laughs, then they lock with Tulio and Miguel]
 * Miguel: Cortes!
 * Cortes: My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ. [cracking knuckles] And I will not tolerate stowaways.
 * ''[Tulio gulps]
 * Cortes: You will be flogged. And when we put into Cuba to resupply, God willing, you will be flogged some more, and then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig.
 * Miguel: All right! Cuba!
 * ''[they grab Tulio and Miguel, then cut to the crew of the ship, then whistling, then chuckling, with the man holding the basket full of apples, then nickering]
 * Man 5: Hey, Altivo! Ah-ta-ta, not for you!
 * ''[the apple falls to the ground]
 * Man 5: You're on half rations. Orders from Cortes.
 * ''[the apple falls on Miguel, then Tulio bangs on the wall, then getting up, looking at Tulio banging on the wall]
 * Miguel: So, uh, how's the... How's the escape plan coming?
 * Tulio: [stops banging on the wall] All right. All right. Wait! I'm getting something.
 * Miguel: Yeah.
 * Tulio: [continues banging on the wall] Okay! Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions...
 * Miguel: Mm-hm.
 * Tulio: ...hijack one of those longboats, and then we row back to Spain like there's no manana!
 * Miguel: [pauses] Back to Spain, yeah?
 * Tulio: Yeah.
 * Miguel: [uncertainly] In a rowboat.
 * Tulio: You got it!
 * Miguel: [scarastically] Great. Sensational. And that-that's your plan, is it?
 * Tulio: That's pretty much it.
 * Miguel: [delighted] Well, I like it. So, how do we get on deck?
 * Tulio: [pauses, deep breath] Umm. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those longboats...
 * Miguel: Uh, great.
 * Tulio: Well, okay, what's your idea, smart guy?
 * Miguel: Wh-Wh-What do you mean? Don't ask me that! You're the one with the plans.
 * ''[Altivo whinnies]
 * Miguel: Wait, I... I have an idea. Uh, come on. Give me-- Give me a boost. Hey, Altivo. [tosses the apple back and forth] Altivo. You want a nice apple? Come and get it.
 * ''[Altivo tries to get the apple, with the hooves clattering]
 * Miguel: You have to do a trick for me first.
 * ''[Altivo sputters away]
 * Miguel: All you have to do is find a pry bar. A long piece of iron with a hoomy thng at the end. Yeah?
 * Tulio: Miguel, you're talking to a horse!
 * ''[the hooves clatter]
 * Miguel: That's it, Altivo, find the pry bar.
 * Tulio: Yes, find the pry bar.
 * ''[the horse whinnies]
 * Tulio: He can't understand pry bar.
 * ''[the horse continues clattering]
 * Tulio: He's a dumb horse. There's no way...
 * ''[Altivo drops the keys into the brig]
 * Tulio: Well, it's not a pry bar.
 * ''[cut at night with Miguel getting out, then sneaking by Tulio, then gasping]
 * Miguel: Oh, Altivo. Oh, thank you, old boy. Listen, if we can ever return the favor--
 * Tulio: Oh, for Pete's sake, Miguel, he's a ruthless warhorse, not a poodle. Come on, before he licks you to death.
 * Miguel: [pointing to Altivo] Adios. [he gets in a ship] Shh, shh. Shh. Quiet, please.
 * Tulio: [to Miguel] What's the matter with him?
 * 'Miguel: Oh, he wants his apple. Well, give it to him before he wakes the whole ship!
 * ''[the horse bellows]
 * Tulio: Fetch! [trying to fetch the apple to Altivo, then bouncing on the the sail, the wooden pole, the telescope, and the water, then Altivo dives in the water by trying to get the apple]
 * Miguel: Altivo! [he dives in the water]
 * Tulio: Huh? Miguel! [screaming with the boat on the water]
 * Miguel': [swimming by trying to get to Altivo] Altivo, I'm coming!
 * Tulio: Miguel! Just hang on! I'm right here, old boy! Have you lost your mind?
 * Miguel: Help is coming!
 * Tulio: [gasping, then looking at the ship] Ho-o-ly ship!
 * ''[the ship knocks the boat with Tulio and Miguel falling in the water, then they all gasp, then breaking the crate]
 * Tulio: Loop the rope under the horse!
 * Miguel: Yes! [he swims underwater, and on the boat, then grabbing Tulio]
 * Tulio: On the count of three, pull back on the rope.
 * Miguel: What? Three!
 * Tulio: [offscreen] Pull!
 * ''[they both fall down in the water, then grabbing the crate, then looking at Altivo]
 * Miguel: Tulio! Hey, it worked!
 * '''[they both get on the boat]
 * Tulio: Did any of the supplies make it?
 * Miguel: Well, uh, yes and no.
 * ''[Altivo eats the carrot]
 * Tulio: Ohhh, great!
 * Miguel: Tulio. Look on the positive side. At least things can't get...
 * ''[the rain begins falling]
 * Tulio: Excuse me. We're you going to say "worse"?
 * Miguel: No.
 * Tulio: No. No? You're sure?
 * Miguel: Absolutely not. I've revised the whole thing. Okay, because...
 * Tulio: Yeah, at least we're at least in a rowboat.
 * Miguel: We're in a rowboat exactly. You miss nothing.
 * ''[they both look at the shark fins, then they both continue rowing to the beach, then whinnying, then thundering, with the wave of water, then they all yell, then groaning, then gasping, then the seagull lands on the paddle, then coughing, then laying on the paddle, then they both smack their lips, then the shark eats the paddle with the seagull, then they all sob, then cut to evening, with Tulio and Miguel rowing]
 * Miguel: Tulio, did you imagine it would end like this?
 * Tulio: The horse is a surprise.
 * ''[the horse nickers]
 * Miguel: Any regrets?
 * Tulio: Besides dying? Yeah. I never had enough gold.
 * Miguel: My regret, besides dying, is our greatest adventure is over before it began, and no one will even remember us.
 * Tulio: Well, if it's my consolation, Miguel, you made my life an adventure. [sobbing]
 * Miguel: And if it's any consolation, Tulio... [the nose sniffles] ...you made my life rich.
 * ''[Tulio continues sobbing, then scoffing, then sputtering, then they both sob, then gasping while shuddering while they made it to the beach, then grabbing the sand, then shaking like dust]
 * Tulio: Hmm. [gasping]
 * Miguel: [gasping] Is it?
 * Tulio: It is! It's... It's... It's... It's... It's...
 * Both: [getting out of the boat] It's land!
 * ''[they kiss the sand, then kissing at a skull, then they both scream, then whinnying, then looking at the skeletons with swords]
 * Tulio: All in favor of getting back in the boat, say "aye."
 * Miguel: Aye!
 * Tulio: Aye!
 * ''[the horse nickers, then they both get on the ship, then grabbing the map by looking at it with a bird rock]
 * Tulio: Hey, Miguel! I could use a little help! Miguel! Hello!
 * Miguel: Tulio! We've done it!
 * Tulio: What's that? The map?
 * Miguel: It's all right here!
 * Tulio: You still have the map?
 * Miguel: The whistling rock! The stream!
 * Tulio: You kept the map, but you couldn't grab a little more food?
 * Miguel: Even those mountains. You said so yourself: It could be possible. And it is! It really is the map to El Dorado! [panting]
 * Tulio: You drank seawater, didn't you?
 * Miguel: Oh, come on!
 * Tulio: I'm not coming on! I wouldn't set foot in that jungle for a million pesetas!
 * Miguel: How about a hundered million?
 * Tulio: What?
 * Miguel: I just thought that, after all, since El Dorado is the city of gold...
 * Tulio: [to Miguel] What's your point?
 * Miguel: You know, dust, nuggets, bricks, a temple of gold where you can pluck gold from the very walls. But you don't want to go, so let's get back into the boat and row back to Spain. After all, it worked so well last time.
 * Tulio: [speaking gibberish] Wait! Mmm. Wait a minute. New plan. We find the city of gold. We take the gold, and then we go back to Spain.
 * Miguel: And buy Spain!
 * Tulio: Yeah!
 * Miguel: [grabs the sword] That's the spirit! Come on, Tulio. We'll follow that trail!
 * Tulio: What trail?
 * Miguel: [chopping at vines with sword] The trail that we blaze!
 * ''[the vines fall down revealing a solid wall of rock; long pause]
 * Miguel: [pointing] That trail that we blaze!
 * ''[he mutters, then whinnies]
 * Tulio: [grabbing the end of Altivo] Oh, no, you don't. Yeow! Your horse bit me in the butt!
 * ''[the music begins playing with narrator singing, with armadillo running at the snake, hissing, then chopping the branch]
 * Miguel: Charge! [he begins running at Tulio, then grabbing the map]
 * Tulio: What are you looking at? [Altivo grabs Tulio] Whoa!
 * ''[they begin running in the map, then looking at the bird, then Tulio walks away, then cutting, then Tulio jumps in the water, then taking the worm off of Tulio, then walking on the rock with the fish biting on the butt, then bringing the fish to Tulio]
 * Miguel: Dinner is served.
 * Tulio: Hello.
 * ''[they take their clothes off, then they jump into the hot water, then pointing at the monkeys, then the monkeys stand by Tulio, with monkey putting pants on, with the monkey putting Miguel's shirt on, then they begin chasing, with Altivo getting out of the hot water, then the monkeys wave to Tulio and Miguel, after they put clothes back on, they they all look around, they they all walk on the log, then it began to rain, then pushing Altivo, then jumping on the rocks, then Tulio grabs the map, with the butterflies flying out of the mouth, then they all walk to the great big rock, then it began cracking, then they all fall down, then looking at a map falling at Tulio's face, then looking around]
 * Tulio: Hmm. [scratching the stone, then snapping fingers] Miguel. Miguel, wake up.
 * ''[moaning]
 * Tulio: We're there. Oh, yeah. We found it. We found it?
 * Miguel: Oh! Fantastic! Where is it? How far?
 * Tulio: Right here! Here.
 * Miguel: Where? Behind the rock?
 * Tulio: No, no. This is it.
 * Miguel: [stammering, then grabbing the map] Give me that! This ca- What?
 * Tulio: [to Miguel] Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... [muttering] "great, big, rock!" [echoing] Hey, but I tell you what, I'm feeling generous, so you can have my share!
 * Miguel: You don't think Cortes could've gotten here before us and...
 * Tulio: And what? Taken all the really big rocks? The scoundrel!
 * Miguel: Tulio, you... We have to think about this. We've come all this way, and we-we-we should really, you know...
 * Tulio: [to Miguel] Get on the horse!
 * ''[Miguel sighs]
 * Tulio: No, no, no, not with the face. [grabbing Miguel] Stop. [clears throat] Looks like there's a pass right over there.
 * ''[Chel runs to Tulio and Miguel, panting, then hitting Altivo, then the men start to attack Tulio and Miguel]
 * Both: Hyah!
 * ''[they all gasp, then snorting, then throwing the rock to Tulio, and Chel, and Tulio, and Chel, and Tulio, and Chel, then they all look]
 * Tulio: [chuckling, then throwing a rock at the head] I've... Uh, hello? Is this your rock? Sorry. We were just looking. We're, uh... We're tourists! Tourist. [clears throat] We-We lost our group. May we go now?
 * ''[the spear point to Tulio and Miguel, gasping]
 * Tulio: [chuckling] Spears.
 * ''[grunting, then moving the spear away at Tulio and Miguel, then they all walk]


 * Chel: Hey! Hey!
 * ''[the armadillo looks at all of them walking, then they hear a bird calling, then Acolyte walks in the waterfall, then they all walk in the cave, then they both get off, then they all get on the boat, then Miguel starts whistling, then looking at them rowing, then rowing in the dark cave with a torch lighting up, then Chel looks at the golden shining from it, then closing it, then gasping, then they all look the vines]
 * Miguel: Oh, my... It's... It's... [gasping]
 * Both: [whispering] El Dorado.
 * [they all look at the buildings, then rowing, then looking at the golden butterflies, then looking at the fish, then they continue rowing, then the people, then giggling, then letting go of the pot, then dropping down while breaking, then swimming to the boat, then Acolyte gets out of the boat, then running in the blue building, then cut to the Chief, then whispering in into Chief's ear, then Acolyte runs in the building by Tzekel-Kan, chanting, then whispering, then looking at the stone, forming Tulio and Miguel, then they both walk to the building]
 * Tulio: [sighs] Well, it was nice working with you, partner.
 * Miguel: Tulio, I just want you to know, I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona.
 * Tulio: So... You... You, f...
 * Tzekel-Kan: Behold! As the prophesies foretold, the time of judgement is now!
 * ''[they both gasp, then Chief appears]
 * Tzekel-Kan: Citizens, did I not predict that the gods would come to us?
 * ''[they all look around]
 * Tzekel-Kan: [chuckling] My lords, I am Tzekel-Kan, your devoted high priest and speaker for the gods.
 * Tulio: Hey.
 * Chief: I am Chief Tannabok. What names may we call you?
 * Miguel: Huh? I am Miguel.
 * [the people murmur]
 * Tulio: And I am Tulio.
 * ''[the people continue murmuring]
 * Miguel: [they dismount, and Miguel's foot gets tangled in the reins] And they call us Miguel and Tulio!
 * Tzekel-Kan: [offscreen] Your arrival has been greatly anticipated. My lords, how long will you be staying in El Dorado?
 * ''[Chel whimpers]
 * Tzekel-Kan: Aha! I see you've captured this temple-robbing thief. [grabs Chel] How would you punish her?
 * Chel: Oh, no, no, no, no, no! My lord, I am not a thief. See, the gods sent me a vision to bring the tribute from the temple to guide them here. My only wish is to serve the gods.
 * Tulio: Release her, don't ya think?
 * ''[the villagers gasp]
 * Tzekel-Kan: [releases Chel] Then you will begin by returning this to its rightful place.
 * ''[the armadillo gets out of the water, then looking at a butterfly]
 * Chief: My lords, why now do you choose to visit us?
 * Tzekel-Kan: Enough! You do not question the gods!
 * Miguel: That's right! Do not question us, or we shall have to unleash our awesome and terrible power! And you don't want that!
 * Tzekel-Kan: Well, yes! We do?
 * Miguel: You do?
 * Tzekel-Kan: Of course we do! Visit your wrath upon this nonbeliever! Show us the truth of your divinity!
 * Tulio: Divinity! One moment.
 * ''[chuckling, then they walk down]
 * Tulio: Miguel, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they're ahead? You don't have one! Well, I'm sorry. I just got carried away!
 * Tulio: [to Miguel] Way away!
 * Miguel: Maybe we should tell the truth and then beg for mercy.
 * Tulio: Are you nuts? We'd be butchered alive!
 * Miguel: Yes, but they're getting suspicious. And if we don't come up with some mega-cosmic event...
 * ''[the volcano rumbles, then starts erupting, then whinnying, then chittering]
 * Tulio: I'm trying! I'm trying! I can't think with all these distractions!
 * Miguel: You-- Horse--
 * Tulio: Think horse. Think, think, think. I'm on the verge of-- Stop! [echoing]
 * ''[the smoke goes back in the volcano, then coughing, then gasping, then looking around, then putting hands around, then they all chant]
 * Miguel: Don't make me start it up again, 'cause I will.
 * Tzekel-Kan: [puts hands down] O mighty lords! Come. Let me show you to your temple.
 * Miguel: All right! Temple.
 * Tzekel-Kan: [to Chief] Step aside.
 * ''[they all walk up the stairs, then Chief looks at the children, then walking up the stairs, then Tulio and Miguel try to climb up, then getting up, then they both look at Tulio and Miguel, then Altivo gets up by Tulio and Miguel, then they both open the curtains, then Tulio and Miguel go inside]
 * Tzekel-Kan: To commemorate your arrival, I propose a reverent ceremony at dawn.
 * Chief: Ah, then perhaps I could prepare a glorious feast for you tonight.
 * Tzekel-Kan: Which would you prefer?
 * Miguel: Both.
 * Tulio: Both.
 * Together: Both.
 * Miguel: Both is good.
 * Chief: My lords.
 * Tzekel-Kan: My lords.
 * ''[they both close the curtain]
 * Tzekel-Kan: And so dawns the Age of the Jaguar. Happy new year. [chuckling]
 * ''[cut to Tulio and Miguel, looking around]
 * Miguel: Hey!
 * Tulio: Hey. Hey.
 * ''[they both laugh, then whinnying]
 * Miguel: Tulio. Tulio. They actually think we're gods.
 * Tulio: [offscreen] It's an entire city of suckers.
 * ''[Miguel laughs]
 * Tulio: We just have to keep this up long enough, to load up on the gold and then get the hell out of here!
 * Miguel: Tulio, we'll be living like kings!
 * Tulio: Miguel and Tulio!
 * Miguel: Tulio and Miguel!
 * Both: Mighty powerful gods.
 * Chel: Hello.
 * ''[they both squeal, then going up the couch, then laughing]
 * Tulio: Depart, mortal, before we strike you with a lightning bolt.
 * ''[Chel begins humming]
 * Miguel: Beware the wrath of the gods! Begone! [clicking sound]
 * Chel: Save it for the high priest, honey. You're gonna need it.
 * ''[Miguel hears a clicking sound]
 * Tulio: Miguel, it's not working.
 * ''[Miguel continues hearing a clicking sound]
 * Tulio: Miguel! We've been caught.
 * Chel: Oh, no. Don't worry about me, boys. "My only wish is to serve the gods." Remember?
 * Tulio: How?
 * Chel: Well, if you guys want the gold, then you don't want to get caught, right? You're going to need my help.
 * Miguel: [scoffs] What makes you think we need your help?
 * Chel: [imitates Miguel] "Ck-ck." Are you serious?
 * ''[the horse whinnies]
 * Miguel: I-- What-- We-- Okay. So, uh, who are you?
 * Tulio: Yeah, uh, what's your angle?
 * Chel: [laughing] No angle. I want in.
 * Tulio: In?
 * Chel: On the scam.
 * Tulio: [chuckling] There's no scam! Why would you think there's a... Why?
 * Chel: So I can get out.
 * Miguel: I thought she just said she wanted in?
 * Tulio: She wants in so she can get out.
 * Miguel: Aha! Got it. [chuckling] W-Why?
 * Chel: Think you're the only ones who dream of better things? Of adventure? You've got your reasons, and I've got mine. Let's not make it personal, okay? It's just business.
 * Both: Oh.
 * Chel: So when you guys are ready to go back to wherever you came from, I'm going with you.
 * Tulio: [laughing, putting an arm around] No! Don't think so.
 * [coughing, then Tulio starts singing]
 * Chel: All right. Fine. After all, I'm sure you know the proper rituals for blessing a tribute, the holiest days on the calendar... Oh, and of course you know all about Xibalba. [chuckling] Okay? Good luck. See you at the execution.
 * Tulio: [speaking gibberish, then running] Wait! Ho-- Would you-- Hold it.
 * Chel: [chuckling] Deal?
 * Tulio: Hmm.
 * Miguel: Deal.
 * Tulio: Not yet. Let's just see how this works out.
 * Chel: Uh-huh. Well, then I suppose that means you'll want these back?
 * Tulio: [grabbing the dice] How'd you get those?
 * Miguel: Where was she keeping them?
 * Chel: Call me, Chel, your new partner. [running away]
 * Miguel: Uh, that's partner-in-training.
 * ''[throwing the blankets at Tulio and Miguel]
 * Chel: Now, put these on. Your public's waiting.
 * ''[they both take the blankets off, then Miguel takes the shirt off, then giggling]
 * Miguel: Do you mind?
 * Chel: No. Oh! Oh! Oh! [giggling] Right. Uh, excuse me.
 * ''[Miguel tries to put the shoe on, then falling on the ground]
 * Chel: [closing the curtain] Bye.
 * Miguel: Mm-mm-mmm! Maybe they should call this place "Chel Dorado."
 * Tulio: [chuckling] She's whoo-- Whoa, she's in trouble! Wait a minute!
 * Miguel: What?
 * Tulio: The little voice-- Remember the little voice? Ju-Ju-Just for a second imagine that you have one. What would it be saying about Chel?
 * '''[Miguel purrs]
 * Tulio: No. No. Listen. We are partners.
 * Miguel: We are partners.
 * Tulio: We have a plan, remember?
 * Miguel: Get the gold. Go back to Spain.
 * Tulio: Yes! And we are pretending to be gods. Now, put Chel in the mix. What is the voice saying? Listen carefully.
 * Miguel: [gasping] Chel is off-limits, hmm?
 * Tulio: Bravo! Chel is off-limits! Shake on it.
 * Miguel: Off-limits. Mm. Mm.
 * Both: Mmmm.
 * Miguel: [wearing a costume] Besides, we're supposed to be gods. We must avoid giving in to temptation.
 * Tulio: Gods. Oh. This is gonna to be tougher than I thought.
 * Miguel: Tulio, relax! All you have to do is smile, act godly and follow my lead.
 * ''[gasping, then looking at the people]
 * Chief: [gasping] Big smile. Like you mean it. A-one, two, three.
 * ''[the music begins playing]
 * Tulio: [singing] I hardly think I'm qualified to come across all sanctified. I just don't cut it with the cherubim. [the baby bites Tulio's finger]
 * Miguel: Tulio, what are you talking about? [singing] There again they're on their knees. Being worshipped is a breeze which rather suits us in. The interim.
 * Tulio: [singing] Interim, interim, it's me and him. Oh, my God! It's tough to be a god.
 * Miguel: [singing] Tread where mortals have not trod. Be deified when really you're a sham. Be an object of devotion, be the subject of psalms! It's a rather touching notion all those prayers and those salamms!
 * Tulio: [singing] And who am I to bridle if I'm forced to be an idol! If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am! What's more if we don't comply, with the locals' wishes, I can see us being sacrified of stuffed!
 * Miguel: You have a point there. Very good thinking. [continues singing] So let's be gods! The perks are great!
 * Tulio: Yeah!
 * Miguel: [singing] El Dorado on our plates!
 * Tulio: Thank you.
 * Miguel: [continues singing] Local feeling should not be rebuffed!
 * Tulio: [singing] Never rebuffed! I never rebuff a local feeling. No, my friend.
 * Chorus: [singing] It's tough to be a god, but if you get the people's nod! Count your blessings! Yeah, keep 'em sweet! That's our advice! It's great advice! [continues singing] Be a symbol of perfection, be a legend, be a cult! Take their praise, take a collection! As the multitudes exalt, don a supernatural habit! We'd be crazy not to grab it!
 * Tulio: You got it!
 * Chorus: So sign on two new gods for paradise! Par-a-dise!
 * ''[the music continues, then chattering and laughing, then screeching, then a drunken whinnying, then fading to black, then ending]
 * ''[they both snore, then mumbling, like sleeping in bed, Tzekel-Kan appears with a metallic clattering, then they both gasp]
 * Tzekel-Kan: Good morning, my lords!
 * Miguel: He's back!
 * Tulio: Oh, no.
 * Tzekel-Kan: [to Chief] And now it's my turn! The gods have awakend!
 * ''[they all cheer, then Tulio falls to the ground]
 * Tulio: Mm-hmm.
 * ''[Miguel grunts, then Chel puts flower petals on the ground]
 * Miguel: Hey, Chel, what's going on?
 * Chel: It's not gonna be good.
 * Tulio: Thank you.
 * Tzekel-Kan: This has been granted a great blessing. And what have we done to show our gratitude? A meager celebration. The god's deserve a proper tribute!
 * ''[they all hold up the bag]
 * Both: Hmm.
 * Tzekel-Kan: The beginning of a new era, the dawning of a new age, demands, sacrifice!
 * ''[they all gasp, then gasping]
 * Tulio: I don't like this.
 * Miguel: Tulio, we've got to do something.
 * ''[Tzekel-Kan pushes the man to a whirlpool, then starting to attack the man]
 * Tulio: Stop!
 * Tzekel-Kan: Hmm?
 * Tulio: This is not a proper tribute!
 * '''[Miguel grabs the man]
 * ''[the crowd gasp]
 * Tzekel-Kan: You do not want the tribute?
 * Miguel: No. No, no. W-We want tribute. Uh, it's just that, uh-- Tulio, tell him.
 * Tulio: The stars are not in position for this tribute!
 * Miguel: Like he says, the stars-- Can't do it. Not today.
 * Tzekel-Kan: Ah. Perhaps it is possible I misread the heavens.
 * Miguel: Don't worry about it. To err is human, to forgive...
 * Tulio: Hmm.
 * Chief: My lords, may the people of El Dorado offer you our tribute.
 * ''[the women bring the gold, then gasping, then they continue gasping]
 * Chief: My lords, does this please you?
 * ''[Tulio sighs]
 * Miguel: Yes, very nice. Certainly acceptable.
 * Tulio: Yes, lovely. It'll do.
 * Chief: The gods have chosen! To Xibalba?
 * ''[the crowd murmur]
 * Chel: No. No.
 * Together: To Xibalba!
 * ''[the crowd cheer]
 * Chel: Oh, great.
 * ''[the woman throws the gold in the whirlpool, then they all throw the gold in the whirlpool]
 * Miguel: Hey, Chel, um, what are they doing?
 * Chel: They're sending it to Xibalba, the spirit world.
 * ''[they continue throwing the gold in the whirlpool]
 * Tulio: The spirit world.
 * Chel: I'll take care of it. [clears throat] Um, excuse me, Chief. The gods have changed their minds about Xibalba.
 * ''[they continue looking at the gold in the whirlpool]
 * Chel: They wish to bask in the reverence that has been shown them.
 * Chief: Stop!
 * ''[the woman stop throwing the gold in the whirlpool, with the golden plate rolling at Tulio, then holding on the feet, then murmuring]
 * Chief: They wish to bask! Take the tribute to the gods' temple!
 * ''[the crowd cheer, then humming]
 * Tulio: Nice going.
 * ''[they all walk, then chuckling]
 * Tzekel-Kan: Smile while you can.
 * ''[cut to Cortes, breaking a skull, then looking at the boat]
 * Cortes: Well, well, well, what have we here? [evil chuckle]
 * ''[cut back to El Dorado]
 * Tulio: Ai-ai-ai.
 * Miguel: [singing] Tons of gold for you, hah!
 * Tulio: [singing] And tons of gold for me, hoo!
 * Together: [singing] Tons of gold for we, ah!
 * Tulio: Not bad for a day's work, eh?
 * Miguel: Not bad at all.
 * Tulio: We just became richer than the king of Spain. [laughing]
 * Miguel: You know, speaking of kings, the chief and high priest seem a bit, uh, tense.
 * Tulio: Buenos Dias! Listen, all we have to do is keep playing the one against the other. You know, do little god dance, chant some mystic mumbo jumbo, dazzle 'em with some smoke and mirrors and then get the hell back to Spain.
 * Miguel: Um, Tulio, how are we gonna get all this back to Spain?
 * Tulio: Ummm--
 * Chief: A boat?
 * Tulio: Yeah.
 * Miguel: Um, we really hate to be ascending so soon, but, uh, some urgent business has come up, you know, family matters, you know, and it's just a bit--
 * Tulio: Yeah, family.
 * Miguel: Badda-bing, budda-boom, you know what I mean.
 * Chief: Oh, we expected you to be staying with us for the next thousand years.
 * Tulio: Well, as we say in the spirit world, there's your plan ans then, there's the gods' plan.
 * Miguel: Mm-hmm.
 * Tulio: And our plan, uh, calls for a boat, 'cause we're gonna ascend kind of a horizontal pattern at first. Amd then we're gonna go vertical, uh, as we get further out to sea.
 * Chief: Hmm. To build a boat large and glorious enough would take about a week.
 * Tulio: A week?
 * Miguel: Um--
 * Tulio: Hmm. I wonder how long it would take Tzekel-Kan to do it.
 * Chief: But-- But for the gods, uh, three days.
 * Miguel: Uh... Well, if that's the best you can do.
 * Chief: Oh, perhaps if you were not burdened with so much tribute, you could leave sooner.
 * Miguel: Hmm?
 * Tulio: Hmm? I like it here. Miguel?
 * Miguel: Yep, yep. Three days is just fine.
 * Tulio: [throwing gold up in the air] No, three days is not fine. This is a real--
 * Chel: Mmm. [throws the rings away]
 * Tulio: these--- these are the ones-- problem.
 * Chel: Oh. Thank you.
 * Tulio: Miguel, how are we gonna keep this up for three days?
 * Miguel: [getting up, yawning] You worry too much.
 * Tulio: No, I worry exactly the right amount. You can never worry too much. We just have to lie low.
 * Miguel: But, Tulio, this place is amazing! I mean, I wonder what's--
 * Tulio: No! Don't even move!
 * Miguel: Tulio--
 * Tulio: You're moving!
 * Miguel: A little, but, just--
 * Tulio: Hey! Hey! Hey!
 * Miguel: Come on.
 * Tulio: [stammering] Stay!
 * Miguel: I gotta-- I-- I just--
 * Tulio: [groaning] Just stand there!
 * Miguel: For three days? [falling down, clattering]
 * Tulio: Yes! Exactly. For three days. Don't even breathe. All right?
 * Miguel: All right. We lie low.
 * Tulio: No, ah, ah, ah, ah. Promise?
 * Miguel: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right.
 * Tulio: Great! Good. Okay. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to gloat over my gold. [giggling, then grabbing the gold, kissing] Oh, yum, yum, yum. [he continues kissing]
 * Chel: It's beautiful, isn't it?
 * Miguel: Yeah!
 * Chel: You know, you really shouldn't miss it.
 * Miguel: I know. But I-I couldn't.
 * Chel: Go ahead. I'll cover for you.
 * Miguel: Oh, good. Thanks.
 * ''[they hear Tulio singing, with an indistinct]
 * Miguel: [to Chel] So, what happened to Altivo?
 * Chel: I don't know.
 * Tulio: [singing] Tulio goes for paradise! [to Chel] Hey, what happened to Miguel?
 * Chel: I don't know.
 * Tulio: [dropping the gold on the ground] Oh, my God! He's gone! Miguel's gone! He's loose! What am I gonna do? [running away] Oh, no, no! [sobbing]
 * Chel: Oh, Miguel is right. You worry too much.
 * '''[Tulio groans, then moaning, then Chel begins humming]
 * Tulio: Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, down, down, down, down. No! No!
 * ''[Chel gasps]
 * Tulio: Big trouble. [chuckling] Whoa! Look, sweetheart, we're in the middle of a con here, walking the razor's edge. On the one hand, gold! On the other hand, painful, agonizing failure! [clears throat] I can't afford any tempta-- uh, distractions. So, I'm sorry. So sorry. [takes a sharp inhale] But perhaps another time? Another place, hmm?
 * Chel: [chuckling] Too bad. I'm free now.
 * Tulio: I'm not reallt sure I trust you.
 * Chel: Mmm, I'm not really asking you to trust me. Am I?
 * Tulio: Whoo. 'Kay. [puts the hands on Chel's shoulders, then moaning] Ooh, yeah.
 * ''[cut to Miguel, looking around, with the birds chirping]