Mandace

Phineas: An almost perfect day to build another one of our inventions.

Buford: Hey! Dinner bell! Where do you want this crate of hoojimagawas?

Phineas: Right there is good, Buford.

Baljeet: How about these helicopter blades?

Phineas: Just lean 'em up against the tree for now.

Baljeet: Ten-four, good buddy.

Buford: Why do you sound like you're in a 1970s road comedy?

Baljeet: There was a cable marathon on last night.

Buford: Oh, I missed it.

Isabella: Heads up. More random construction equipment for an as-yet-unidentified project comin' in!

Perry: (chatters)

(Perry's entrances are blocked, leaving him with the long stairs that he's walking down)

(Cut to Perry's lair)

Major Monogram: This rate, I'll be late for my creative writing class. Agent P! No need to walk all the way down here! I'll just give you your mission on the staircase! Doofenshmirtz has been experimenting with image technology! It's very suspicious! We need you to go check it out! Good luck, Agent P! Idea for TV spinoff. Platypus in a staircase.

(Cut to Candace's room)

Candace: Stace, the thing with boys is I just don't get them. You think they're saying one thing, but then you don't know if they really mean something else. They're like those Egyptian drawings that no one understands.

Stacy: You mean like hieroglyphics? Those were deciphered in the early 1800s after they found the Rosetta Stone.

Candace: Fine. They're like something else no one understands. Like, how you know that?

Stacy: (mumbles) I 'unno.

Candace: Okay. Take the conversation I just had with Jeremy. I suggested we go to the movies later and he said "cool". And what does that mean? I mean, did he mean like "Cool, I totally want to hang out with you" or "Cool, I really wanna see that movie" or "cool" like "I think you're being cold and distant"?

Stacy: Not that one.

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

Doofenshmirtz: Over here, Perry the Platypus.

(cage falls down)

Doofenshmirtz: So, you fell for the old hat rack disguised as your nemesis" ploy, eh? Well anyway, that was a very efficient use of my time. I demonstrated my latest inator, and trapped you all in one. Trap Perry the Platypus. Check. Demonstrate inator. Check. And now, that just leaves backstory, light lunch, take over the Tri-State Area, and schedule painters. Only seventy-five percent of my list left. I am on fire today! All right, so let's get down to business. Ever since I switched pizza places, you remember that whole pizza day debacle, right? Okay. Well anyway, my orders now are all showing up cold. Nothing I can do to change that, because, you know, I'm a lousy tipper, so I invented this. The impersonator-inator! An inator so nice, I had to name it twice. Rather than move or shell out extra cash, I can use this device to create a holographic field around myself, impersonate the pizza delivery boy, and pick up my own pizza. It'll still be warm, but then I said Heinz, Heinz, you're-you're thinking too small. Why not think of pizza boy's boss, but then I said Heinz, Heinz, and I said what? I'm right here. Stop saying my name. And then I said why be the pizza boy's boss when you can be the pizza franchise owner? Uh-oh.

Electronic Voice: Database image transfer.

(inator fires)

Doofenshmirtz: Whoops. One pizza delivery boy, comin' up! I don't know who that was for. It was such a good line. It would've been a shame to hold it back. It's uh, oh hush.

(Cut back to Candace's room)

Candace: Seriously Stacy, boys are a mystery. I mean, what do they talk about when they're not around? Do you think they talk about us?

Stacy: I got no clue.

Candace: (sighs) I guess I'll never know the real deal as long as I'm not a boy. (gets turned into Gary Frank) Stacy, there's a pizza delivery boy in my room!

Stacy: Is that code for something?

Candace: Get back! Huh? There's no one there. But he's in the mirror. But, but, (gasps) Oh no. No no no no no no no. This cannot be happening. (gasps) Ah ha! Oh! Oh! Stacy, Phineas and Ferb have turned me into a holographic image of a pizza boy!

Stacy: Cool. Can I have a veggie special with non-dairy cheese?

Candace: (voiceover) Stacy!

Stacy: Hey, too bad Jeremy didn't order a pizza. Then, you can hang out with him and find out what guys talk about.

Candace: Brilliant! (gasps; laughs)

Stacy: Just kidding, Candace. Candace! Oh boy, I gotta work on my delivery. It's way too deadpan.

(cut to Phineas and Ferb's backyard)

Phineas: Knowing what we're gonna do today. Check. Wondering where Perry is. Check. We're on fire today!

(Candace laughing nervously)

Isabella: Did you order a pizza?

Phineas: Nope.

Baljeet: Maybe, he delivered a pizza before you even thought about ordering it.

Phineas: Ferb, make a note for later. Time travel pizzeria.

(Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)

Doofenshmirtz: And then I thought, why be a brigadier general when I can be a major general? I mean, why not? Right? I'm a modern guy. And then I thought, maybe I'm still shooting too low. Why be a major general when I can be a lieutenant general? And then I thought, why-- (Perry slaps him) Ow! What, do you have a blowtorch under your tail or something? (Perry slaps him again) Ow!

(Cut to Danville Park)

Jeremy: 37! 42! 74! Hike! Hike!

Coltrane: Hey hey! I'm open! I'm open!

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Pizza delivery.

Jeremy: That didn't count! Pizza interference.

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Pizza for Jeremy Johnson.

Jeremy: Uh, sorry dude. But we didn't order any pizza.

Candace: (as Gary Frank) You didn't. But your girlfriend did. That's some girlfriend you've got there. I see you're the luckiest man alive to have a girlfriend like that.

Jeremy: Wait a minute. You look familiar. Do I know you?

Candace: (as Gary Frank) No.

Jeremy: You really look familiar. Aren't you?--

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Nope. Just an average hamburger-eating football playin', punchin', gamin' boy. (spits) Boy spit. That's why I did that.

Jeremy: Wait. You're Gary Frank! You were the most popular senior two years in a row! Dude. You gotta join us for a pizza break. It'll be fun to catch up and talk.

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Talk. Yeah. Talk.

(Cut to the benches)

(everyone is eating pizza)

(Coltrane belches)

All: (laughing)

Candace: (as Gary Frank) (laughs) That was funny. Belching. (laughs) It's so, uh... (laughs) Male (laughs) Right, bros? But yeah, maybe we should talk about something like, I don't know, does anyone have any deep thoughts they'd like to share?

Coltrane: Nope.

Jeremy and Coltrane's friend: What?

Jeremy: Well, I think... this pizza's really good.

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Oh, I'm so glad. Yeah, I figured you guys would like the supreme meat lover's choice. Though, I wasn't sure about the prosciutto. Sometimes, it could be rather tough. And when it gets in between your teeth, it could be really embarrassing like, (pauses) um... yeah, and that's how I feel about it.

Jeremy and Coltrane's friend: What?

Coltrane: I have a feeling.

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Great. Let's hear it.

Coltrane: I have a feeling if Jeremy doesn't wash that shirt soon, it's gonna be reported as a health hazard.

Jeremy and Coltrane's friend: (laughs)

Jeremy: Oh yeah. Well your face is a health hazard.

Coltrane: Your breath is a health hazard.

(everyone except Candace laughs)

Candace: (talking like herself) I have really been underestimating Stacy's conversational skills.

(Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)

(Doofenshmirtz's Impersonator-inator retrieves new people for impersonation)

(Doofenshmirtz gets shot with his -inator)

Doofenshmirtz: (looking like Teddy Roosevelt) Okay. I can tell by the way you're looking at me that I'm suddenly the twenty-sixth president of the United States, Teddy Roosevelt. Downside is: I'll be succeeded by William Taft. Blech! The upside, Perry the Platypus, is that the hero of San Juan Hill was a heck of a pugilist. Put up your dukes. Come on.

(Perry gets turned into a gorilla)

Doofenshmirtz: (looking like Teddy Roosevelt) Mm, guess the animal setting wasn't such a hot (Perry the Platypus (currently impersonating a gorilla) punches Doofenshmirtz) Ow! Wait. How did you punch me? The hologram was so much taller than you. (Perry picks him up) Ah! Ow! It defies logic.

(Cut to Danville Park)

(Song: "Watchin' and Waitin'" (instrumental))

Jeremy: Yeah! Well, my fantasy league is killin' it this year.

Candace: (sighs)

Jeremy: Thomas got me two touchdowns, twenty-three points last week, and 189 yards. I'm in first place in my keeper league.

Coltrane: You're lucky, because I drafted Kimball, but he's out for two more weeks.

Jeremy and Coltrane's friend: What?

Candace: (as Gary Frank) So, uh, what else do we talk about? Mm, let me think, uh... oh, I know. Anyone here have a girlfriend?

Jeremy and Coltrane's friend: What?

Coltrane: I do. Her name's Stacy. She's absolutely the best girl...

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Not you, I'm asking Jeremy.

Jeremy: Duh. Remember the whole "your girlfriend ordered the pizza" thing?

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Oh, right. Yeah. Your girlfriend ordered pizzas. (clears throat) Uh, so, yeah, what do you think of her?

Jeremy: She's cool.

Candace: (as Gary Frank) And what do you mean cool? Like cool how?

Jeremy: I just mean she's cool.

Candace: (as Gary Frank) So, cool like, you like her "cool"? Like she's totally cool to be around "cool"? Or cool like she's cold and distant?

Jeremy: Uh, those first two. Not that last one. She's cool. She's sweet.

Candace: (as Gary Frank) You mean sweet like thoughtful or sweet like so sugary or gonna be sick?

Jeremy: No. I just mean she's sweet. She's nice.

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Nice like she's nice or, what do you mean by that?

Jeremy: Just what I said. She's nice. She's cool.

Candace: (as Gary Frank) So, what you're telling me is that what you say is exactly what you mean? Like nothing more, nothing less, you say it, you mean it, that's it.

Jeremy: Well, yeah. What else would I mean?

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Nothing, I guess. 'Cause we're like dudes.

Jeremy and Coltrane's friend: What?

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Okay, so you know, um... I'm gonna go.

Jeremy: Great hangin' with you!

Candace: (as Gary Frank) Yeah. Enlightening.

Jeremy: Wow. He is not like he was in high school.

(Coltrane burps again)

(everyone laughs again)

(Cut to Doofenshmirtz and Perry)

(Perry looks like Director Dipthong. Doofenshmirtz looks like the Gunther Goat Cheese's goat. Doofenshmirtz gets turned into a pig.)

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on! (Perry gets turned into a football player) Oh, I get it. Pig skin. Oh great. My -inator has a sense of... (gets turned into a dinosaur while falling to ground) Velociraptor power attack!

(Perry gets turned into Lulu Jones)

(Song: "Leave the Busting to Us!")

Bust 'em! Bust 'em! Bust 'em!

(Perry punches Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great! Where am I supposed to find a paleo-orthodontist?

(cut to Phineas and Ferb's backyard)

Phineas: Okay, Ferb. Fire it up. (Ferb turns on the machine) Ah. Congratulations, guys. We're the first humans ever to taste blueberry air.

Buford: Eh, I'm more of a lingonberry kind of guy. (Candace returns to the backyard as Gary Frank) Hey, you're back. I'll take a large pie with andouille sausage and chocolate chips.

Candace: First of all: Ew. Why would you eat that? And second: I'm not a pizza boy.

Phineas: Oh my gosh. It's Candace. With what appears to be a holographic field projection mapped on to her.

Candace: Why are you surprised? Didn't you guys do this?

Phineas: Nope. We were just makin' blueberry air.

Candace: Why blueberry? Why not lingonberry?

Buford: Exactly. What's that all about?

Candace: Uh, well how can I get this off? Buford is like, the eighth person to order pizza from me. And that's not even how you order pizza.

Phineas: Well, we didn't do it. But we'll be glad to undo it. Side project, gang.

(Cut to Doofenshmirtz and Perry)

(Perry looks like Blanca Dishon while Doofenshmirtz looks like Buck Buckerson)

Doofenshmirtz: No! No! Not the -inator! I totally need that!

(Perry and Doofenshmirtz turns back into themselves.)

Doofenshmirtz: Who's this nincompoop? (realizes he called himself a nincompoop) Oh, right. CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS,...

Perry!

Doofenshmirtz (cont'd): ...and-and the football player, the gorilla, and Lulu Jones, and Blanca Dishon and Director Dipthong. Everybody! Curse you all!

(Cut to Phineas and Ferb's backyard)

Phineas: Okay. We have everything we need for a holographic field disrupter. We'll build it, and you'll be totally... (Candace changes back to herself) Back to normal!

Candace: Cool. Thanks guys. Bust you later.

Buford: I guess my pizza orders aren't goin' in. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE BUFORD?!?!

End Credits
Candace: Hello?

Jeremy: Hey, Candace. I just wanted to thank you for sending over the pizzas. That was really cool.

Candace: Cool! You liked it?

Jeremy: It was awesome. So, we still on for the movies tonight?

(Song: "Cool Song")

Candace: Cool!

Jeremy: Cool.

Candace: Cool.

Jeremy: Cool?

Candace: Cool!

Jeremy: Cool.

Candace: Cool!

Jeremy: Cool!

Candace: Cool.

Jeremy: Cool! C-c-c-cool!

Candace: Cool!

Jeremy: Cool.

Candace: Cooool!

Jeremy: Cool!

Candace: Cool!

Jeremy: Cool!

Candace: Arctic.

Jeremy: What did you mean by that?

Candace: Exactly what I said.