Arrgh!

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Arrgh!" from season 1, which aired on March 15, 2000.

Plot
Mr. Krabs: Where could they be? They should've been here hours ago! Arrgh! Not a customer in sight. If I don't make any money today, I surely break out in a rash!

SpongeBob: Yippee! I'm rich! Look Patrick, eight gold dubloons!

Mr. Krabs: Wait, I saw it first! hah! (Jumps onto table) Mine, mine! Huh?

SpongeBob: Boy Mr. Krabs, you sure are sweaty.

Mr. Krabs: What's this? Where are the dubloons?

SpongeBob: (laughs) There are no real dubloons, Mr. Krabs! It's a game: 'The Flying Dutchman's Treasure Hunt'.

Patrick: Based on a real treasure map.

SpongeBob: Take a break and play around with us.

Patrick: Yeah! C'mon sweaty.

Mr. Krabs: Have you finished cleaning the tables?

SpongeBob: I cleaned the tables Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Ay, but did you scrape all the gum off the underside?

SpongeBob: (chewing) I already took care of it.

Mr. Krabs: Ha ha ha. All right, lads. Looks like you've shanghaied me.

Patrick: My turn. (rolls dice) Five. (makes strawberry noise while moving piece) (reads card) One of your shipmates has been a bad pirate! Send him to the brig! Hmmm. (SpongeBob turns eyes toward Mr. Krabs) It's off to jail for you, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Patrick, you're fired!

Patrick: But I don't even work here!

Mr. Krabs: Would you like a job, starting now? (puts hat on Patrick's head)

Patrick: Boy, would I?!

Mr. Krabs: (takes hat off Patrick's head) You're fired!

SpongeBob: My turn. (rolls dice) One, two, three, four. (picks up card and reads it) Look for the Deacon's Goose thru the fork in the old tree and head that way. Well, I see Mr. Krabs zipper is undone.

Mr. Krabs: Uhh! Shiver me timbers!

SpongeBob: (laughs) Just kidding, Mr. Krabs. I'm almost to the treasure. You're turn again Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: (rolls dice) Ooh, fish eyes. One, two.

SpongeBob: (picks up card and reads it) You are a real pirate. Go straight to the "X" that marks the spot. You get to dig for treasure Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Treasure. (digs and mini plastic treasure chest appears) There it is! It's the Flying Dutchman's Treasure! Gold, gold, gold. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs is getting all sweaty again.

Fred: Rev up those fryers, cause I am sure hungry for one...help! help! My leg!

Mr. Krabs: Can't you see we're closed! Ready for another round? This is my kind of game!

SpongeBob + Patrick: Hooray!

Mr. Krabs: Six! One, two...I win again! Oh, that's seventeen times in a row.

SpongeBob: I think we ought to call it a night, Mr. Krabs. I really got to get some sleep.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, you can't walk out on me now.

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. (yawns) See you tomorrow. (walks inside house) (rattling noises heard) Huh? Whose there? (turns light on)

Mr. Krabs: C'mon, SpongeBob. One more game. I can smell the treasure.

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, it is late. Go to bed! Good night, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Wind is perfect, the tide is right. Let's hunt for treasure.

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, you gotta...(opens door)

Mr. Krabs: That's awful lad. If the Dutchman hears ya, we'll never get his treasure.

SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs...

Mr. Krabs: I'll roll for ya boy.

SpongeBob: But, Mr...

Mr. Krabs: (rolls dice) Eight paces, now that's a good start lad.

SpongeBob: But, Mr....

Mr. Krabs: One, two, three...

SpongeBob: (yelling) '''MR. KRABS! I WANNA GO TO BED!''' Mr. Krabs, I'm sorry, but it's just a game, ya know?

Mr. Krabs: A game. That's...right. Of course it is, my mistake. I guess I got a little carried away, eh? On this treasure we're dealing here. Sorry, for disturbing ya, lad.

Mr. Krabs: (morning arrives) Avas! Pineapple, ho. Heave two, and prepare to be boarded.

SpongeBob: Aw, go home already. I'm done playing that game, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: It's Captain Krabs to you, and this is no game. We're gonna be pirates.

SpongeBob: Pirates?

Mr. Krabs: Ay! How'd you like to go on a real treasure hunt, with a real treasure map?

SpongeBob + Patrick: Treasure? (dancing around) We're gonna be pirates, we're gonna be pirates!

Mr. Krabs: Ay, ay, ay. Relay that skipping. Pirates don't skip. (throws them a bag of pirate stuff) Put on this pirate garb, so I won't be embarrassed to be seen with ya. Arrgh.

SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick. Look! Peg legs and eye patches.

Mr. Krabs: Now, don't you feel more like pirates?

SpongeBob: Look, I'm Peggy the Pirate! (falls on plank)

Patrick: I'm Blind Beard the Pirate. (falls on SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Ow.

Mr. Krabs: Arrgh! (sailing underwater) Keep a sharp lookout. According to the map, we're close to the first landmark.

SpongeBob: Really? Can we see the map?

Mr. Krabs: Uh...no! Only the captain can lay eyes on the map.

SpongeBob: Okie dokie, then.

Mr. Krabs: Arrgh, a pirate doesn't say, "okie dokie, then." A pirate says, "arrgh!"

SpongeBob: Okie...oops. (laughs) I mean...arrgh! Captain Krabs. (eyes widen) Captain, we're about to hit...uhh...I mean...arrgh, Capt., arrgh, we're, arrgh, about, arrgh, to hit, arrgh...

Mr. Krabs: Out with it man, arrgh!

Patrick: I, arrgh, think, arrgh, he's trying, arrgh, to say...(crash) land.

Mr. Krabs: ARRGH! From now on, only the captain says, arrgh! Status report, Mr SquarePants?

SpongeBob: The whole ship is underwater captain.

Mr. Krabs: Arrgh, we're marooned then. Our treasure hunt will have to continue on foot. This is it boys, from the seaweed with two leaves on it. 10,000 paces east.

SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, that seaweed has...(Mr. Krabs pulls a leaf off)

SpongeBob: Which way captain?

Mr. Krabs: Answer Patrick. Which was is east?

Patrick: Uhh...let's see, uhh...(points) that way captain!

Mr. Krabs: 9,997...9,998...9,999...10,000! Where's the "X"? Suppose to be right here! 10,000 paces east.

Patrick: Ooh! East? I thought you said "weast".

Mr. Krabs: Weast? What kind of compass you reading lad?

Patrick: This one, sir.

Mr. Krabs: That's west, Patrick. You're fired again. 9,551...9,552...

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, we're tired.

Patrick: And hungry.

Mr. Krabs: Ooh. So this is my crew. You get a little tired, and a wee-bit hungry, and you want to shove off for home. Arrgh! That sickens me. A pirate is not judged by the notches in his compass, but by the sides of his booty. A pirate is judged by the loyalty and his crew. And without a crew, what am I captain of? Just a bunch of sand! (cries)

Patrick: Don't cry Captain Krabs.

SpongeBob: Yeah, we'll be your loyal crew. *both cry*

Mr. Krabs: You'll stay with me then?

SpongeBob and Patrick: We'll be the most loyal pirate crew ever!

Mr. Krabs: I knew I could count on you boys. One for all!

SpongeBob and Patrick: And all for one! (laying on ground at night outside tent)

SpongeBob: I'm so loyal, I don't even mind sleeping on the cold, hard ground while Captain Krabs sleeps in his warm, dry tent.

Patrick: I'm so loyal, I haven't bathed in weeks.

SpongeBob: But we've only been gone a few hours.

Patrick: I know. (laughs) (SpongeBob moves away)

SpongeBob: I'm so loyal, I don't wanna sleep till we find the treasure. Let's go see if the captain will go now!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Captain Krabs?

SpongeBob: He's not here.

Patrick: Look! The treasure map.

SpongeBob: Only the captain can look at the map, Patrick.

Patrick: Yeah...

SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?

Patrick: Nothing.

SpongeBob: Patrick, you're not suppose to look at the map. (Patrick poking the map)

Patrick: I'm not looking, I'm touching. There's no rule against that is there?

SpongeBob: No, guess there isn't. (Both poking map)(Map opens)

SpongeBob: Oops! Patrick, it opened by itself. (Both laugh) (Eyes enlarge and search the map)

SpongeBob + Patrick: The map, gotta see it, gotta look at it. (Eyes go back in)

Patrick: SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Yeah?

Patrick: Did you notice something familiar about this map?

SpongeBob: You mean, like that it's our game board taped to a piece of paper?

Mr. Krabs: Do you think this is a problem?

SpongeBob and Patrick: Aah! Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Sneaking peeks at me treasure?

Patrick: We're sorry.

Mr. Krabs: That's mutiny on my ship. So you think ol' Captain Krabs has gone crazy, do ye?

SpongeBob: Not at all, Captain Krabs. We don't think that at all!

Patrick: I think that.

Mr. Krabs: I'm gonna throw you overboard for saying that!

SpongeBob: (gasps) Look! It's the "X".

Mr. Krabs: (eyes go into "X" like symbol) "X" marks the spot!

SpongeBob: Wow! That game really is based on a real treasure map.

Mr. Krabs: Well, what are you waiting for lads? Dig! Dig! Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.

SpongeBob: We got it Captain Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Ha, ha. Hand it up to me lads. Heave! (Brings treasure up)

Mr. Krabs: We finally found it.

Lady Over voice: The Dutchman's Treasure!

All: Wow!

SpongeBob: What are you going to do with your share, Patrick?

Patrick: I don’t know. How are you going to spend your share, SpongeBob?

Mr. Krabs: What shares? You're not getting any of my treasure!

SpongeBob: We found it together. So we deserve a share!

Mr. Krabs: Well, I'm the captain. And I say it's mine!

SpongeBob: What about loyalty?

Mr. Krabs: All for one.

SpongeBob: And one for all.

Mr. Krabs: All for one.

SpongeBob: And one for all.

Mr. Krabs: All for one.

SpongeBob: And one for all.

Flying Dutchman: (sleeping) I'm the Flying Dutchman.

Mr. Krabs: All for one.

SpongeBob: And one for all.

Flying Dutchman: (sleeping) I'm the Flying Dutchman. Who dares wake the Flying Dutchman? Keep it down will ya? I'm trying to get some sleep.

Mr. Krabs: All for one.

SpongeBob and Patrick: And one for all. (Lightning)

Flying Dutchman: Who duh up the Dutchman's treasure?

Mr. Krabs: (shoves chest toward SpongeBob and Patrick) They did!

Flying Dutchman: Arrgh! So you two scallywags dug up me treasure?!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Uh-huh!

Flying Dutchman: Well, you saved me a lot of diggin' you did. So here's an reward for the two of ya's.

SpongeBob: Wow!

Lady Over voice: Two Gold Dubloons!

Mr. Krabs: Wait! I'm captain of this crew. Where's my reward?

Flying Dutchman: Hmmm, I guess you're right. A little something for your trouble. (Flicks something to Mr. Krabs)

Mr. Krabs: Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold. Huh? Why, it's just a little plastic treasure chest.

Lady Over voice: Plastic!

Flying Dutchman: Ay, but it's based on a real treasure chest. (laughs)

Patrick: Gee Mr. Krabs, you're looking all sweaty again.