The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne

Hand it over, Judge Vargas. The doctor said a trade. Then let's trade. We had a deal. Numbers. Crunch it. Twenty grand short, Snap. The price just went up another hundred thou. Please, I can't pay that much. No, you'll pay. You make a mistake, you always pay. My sentiments exactly. Judge Vargas! Judge Vargas! Stop! Help! Thank heavens she's not badly hurt. They don't know when she'll regain consciousness. I've known Maria Vargas for 20 years. The best judge on the circuit. It can't be blackmail. There was something on that videotape she didn't want anyone to see. I had dinner with her a week ago. She was just back from vacation. Looked so relaxed. Commissioner, that limo's plate is registered to the Yucca Springs Resort Corporation. Yucca Springs is where Maria vacationed. Some sort of executive-relaxation program. That's one of Roland Daggett's subsidiary companies. What are you going to? Do I look stressed out to you? - You? Get out of town. - Exactly. I think I need a vacation. Now that you've enrolled in the stress-management program Vargas took may I ask what your next step is, sir? - That's up to Dr. Hugo Strange. I think he's the same doctor Judge Vargas mentioned. My first session with him is in 15 minutes. In that case, perhaps I should lay out your evening clothes. - Are you sure this will help me relax, doc? - But of course. My radiopathic monitoring device is infallible. It works by lowering your defenses. What defenses might those be? The defenses we create to hide the truth from ourselves and others. For when we do this, we create stress. Is it not so? - Some secrets are worth keeping. - Lf you feel so there must be considerable stress in your life. So we should start with your childhood, yes? I don't have much to say about my childhood. Is there some past tragedy you do not wish to acknowledge? Perhaps the loss of your parents? Were they taken from you by violence? What happened to my parents is no secret. But no one knows that you feel it was your fault, yes? I was only a child. There was nothing I could do. But you wanted to do something. You were filled with anger. You desired what? A need filled you. All-consuming, all-controlling. What was it, Mr. Wayne? What was it? I wanted Yes? Revenge! Your relaxation therapy doesn't seem to be working too well on me, Dr. Strange. The first session is ofttimes traumatic. We will continue tomorrow, yes? I'll have to think about it. Good day, doc. And good day to you Batman. Boy, did you get a wrong number! Leave your message at the sound of the shriek. No, please, don't! I am speaking, I trust, to The Joker? Your number was not easy to find. This is Dr. Hugo Strange. I am arranging an auction for an item I believe you will find most enticing. Master Bruce, Dr. Strange has just left the grounds. Good. This is my chance to get a closer look at his machine. I've got bad feelings about it, Alfred. Judge Vargas. - Let us begin with your childhood. - I'd rather not, doctor. Hiding secrets can lead to stress. What secrets are you hiding? Let me guess. You liked to play with matches, yes? Yes. I mean, no. No! Playing with matches, my parents told me it was wrong. I didn't mean to. It was an accident! So you were the one responsible for the great Gotham dock fire 30 years ago. All this guilt you have carried inside you. Do you not feel better now? It can see thoughts. Sunshine. Clean air. Oh, I hate it. Dr. Strange better have a good reason for dragging us out to the middle of nowhere. Have you no poetry in your soul, my dichotomous friend? There is a certain stark beauty to this environment. It's too brown. I prefer green, as in money. You have a point. Hey, what's in this one? Why, just what the doctor ordered. Good heavens! Master Bruce, you must get out immediately. Almost through, Alfred. Has Strange come back? It's much worse than that, sir. Hey, bucko, I'd be a little more careful with the luggage if I were you. Otherwise you might lose your tip. Not to mention your head. - Yes, sir, Mr. Joker, sir. - It's so hard to find good help these days. How true. How true. The Joker, Two-Face and The Penguin just arrived with large quantities of cash. So that's it. Strange isn't planning to blackmail me. - He's going to auction my tape. - Tape, sir? I'll explain later. Keep me informed. - You are Bruce Wayne's butler, are you not? - Yes. Most excellent. Remove him! It took me years to build that device but no matter. You were, perhaps, looking for this? Your butler told us you would be here. It took a dose of sodium pentothal to persuade him to talk. He is quite loyal to you. You are a valuable commodity, Bruce Wayne. Or should I say Batman? Take him away! Oh, Master Bruce, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. Nonsense, Alfred. Believe it or not, this is working out just as I planned. How reassuring. First, I would like to thank you for coming all this way. Get to the point! Very well. I have here incontestable proof of Batman's secret identity. Now, gentlemen how much am I bid? Does Dr. Strange truly have proof of your identity, sir? I'm afraid so. - Five hundred thousand. - Poof! Chicken feed. I'll bid a million. - Two million! - I have two million. Do I hear three? Hold it, hold it, hold it. - Get out of my face, clown! - Which one? Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves. Well put, sardine breath. I think we should pool our resources on this. $51,240,685 and 53 cents. Sold! And now I give you Batman's secret identity. And after the show, you shall meet its star. Focus! Focus! Focus! It is a perfect plan. With this machine I can imagine Batman to be anyone I choose. And these fools will pay a fortune. Wait! It's not the right tape! Fellow miscreants, we've been had! I'm gonna use your head for a bowling ball, Strange. Get him! I should have known better than to deal with the likes of you. I spoke to Master Dick, sir, as you requested. Excellent, Alfred. To the airport. Bailing out of the resort business, Hugo? - Joker, I swear it was the wrong tape! - You're telling me? Come on, Hugo. Time to fly the unfriendly skies. Why, Hugo! Why didn't you tell us about your fear of flying? Joker, please. I was set up. Bruce Wayne is Batman. That's absurd. I know Bruce Wayne. If he's Batman, I'm the king of England. And people say I'm crazy. Say, is it hot in here, or is it just me? Harv, open that door so we can get a breeze. - Good idea. - No! Remember, it's not the fall, it's the sudden stop. Man, things haven't been the same since deregulation. What a rush! Stay where you are. You may notice, my masked friend, that we have the guns. Ah, well, Arkham is nice this time of year. Maria told me everything when she woke up in the hospital. The dock fire was an accident. She had nothing to fear from the truth. But you do, Batman. Soon the whole world will know you are really Bruce Wayne. You created that tape in the theater by imagining me saying those lies but the tape of your thoughts is the truth. I know your secret. - What secret is that? - No. It is impossible! Strange, I knew from the start your machine could read minds. That's why I asked Bruce Wayne to help me expose you. And I was glad to do it. Maria Vargas is a friend of mine. Let's go. You'll have lots of time to think about it in prison. Not bad, huh? Maybe I'll shuck this crime-fighting gig and try Hollywood. I wish you weren't so tall, though. Walking in leg-extension braces is a pain. - Where to now, Master Bruce? - Home, Alfred. I've had enough vacation to last me a long time. Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=batman&episode=s01e29