Meat My Dad

Transcript for Meat My Dad
Narrator: One beautiful afternoon in the Botsford backyard...

(Scene: Becky and Bob are in the backyard standing next to an easel with drawing paper on it.  Becky is reading a manual of some kind.  Mr. Botsford walks up to them, carrying a stack of boards.)

Mr. Botsford: I have to say, Becky, out of all the competitions we’ve been in lately, and let’s face it, there have been a lot, this building a birdhouse competition has got to be my favorite. Why, just look at these rules! So well laid out, so informative, so restricting-- everything that a set of rules should be. Yay, rules!

Becky: Wow, you really love this contest.

Mr. Botsford: Yeah! Okay. I’m thinking we should do traditional colonial.

(With her super-hearing, Becky hears an alarm going off. She also hears the Butcher saying, “Man!  Why do bank guards always hit the alarm when I come in?”  Then a guard saying, “But you said this is a robbery.”)

Becky: Uh, listen Dad, on second thought, this plan looks perfect. In fact, uh, Bob and I have to go-- get supplies. For an idea I have. To make it even better.

Mr. Botsford: Ooh, what is it?

Becky: Uh, uh, I want it to be a surprise. Go ahead and start building without us. Heh-heh. Come on, Bob.

(She walks off with Bob. A bird lands on a branch next to Mr. Botsford and chirps at him.)

Mr. Botsford: Not to worry, my bird friend. I will build it, and you will come. Ha ha ha ha.

(Scene: The bank.)

Butcher: Aw, come on. You’re goin’ slow on purpose!

Male Bank Teller: Now, why would I do that?

Butcher: So I’ll get caught!

Male Bank Teller: Nonsense. I’m no hero. (He drops a bill he is holding.) Whoops. Butterfingers.

(He stoops down to pick up the money, and WordGirl appears with Huggy.)

WordGirl: Stop right there, Butcher!

Butcher: Well, if it isn’t my old nemenesisis, WordGirl!

WordGirl: Ugh. It hurts.

Butcher: All right, which word did I get wrong?

WordGirl: Take a guess.

Butcher: (scratching his head and thinking)  Uh, nemenesisis?

WordGirl: You got it! The actual word is  nemesis .

Butcher: Oh. Ne-me-sis-ness-is.

WordGirl:  Nemesis . You know, let’s just have our battle now and we’ll try again later.

Butcher: All right, have it your way. PORTERHOUSE PILEDRIVER!

(He launches a meat attack, and Huggy gobbles up the steaks.)

WordGirl: Haha! Now it’s MY turn!

(Suddenly, an unidentified man appears behind the Butcher.)

Unidentified man: No, no, it’s my turn! The old mashed potato skidoo!

(The man launches mashed potatoes from his hands, sending them toward WordGirl. Huggy eats them as well.)

Butcher: (to Huggy)  Uh... were those, uh, mashed potatoes?

(Huggy nods, his cheeks still bulging.)

Butcher: Oh boy. Hi, Pop.

WordGirl: Pop?

Kid Potato: That’s right. Say hello to-- Kid Potato.

WordGirl: Uh... hello.

(The Butcher’s father is wearing a brown mask, a cape, and a shirt with a picture of a potato stitched onto the front.)

Kid Potato: (to Butcher)  Now what’s with the getup? What are you supposed to be?

Butcher: Uh, the Butcher?

Kid Potato: Where’s your mask?

Butcher: I- I don’t like’em, they make my face itch.

Kid Potato: No mask? What kind of villain doesn’t wear a mask? Here, I brought you one from home.

Butcher: No, I don’t-- I don’t want it--

Kid Potato: Here, take it.

Butcher: No!

Kid Potato: Take it!

Butcher: No. Pop, stop  badger ing me.

Kid Potato:  Kids. They think they know everything.

Older lady: Oh, tell me about it!

Butcher: Look, Pop, can we talk about this later? I’m kind of in the middle of something here--

WordGirl: Yeah, hello?

Kid Potato: Sure. You don’t have time to talk to your father. Who’s come all the way out here to see you!

Butcher: Aw Pop--

Kid Potato: No no no, I mean to me it didn’t look like you were doin’ so hot. Oh, I know, ha ha ha, I’m just an old man with a potato on his chest, right?

Butcher: Aw, Pop, come on. N- not now, in front of my-- (He pauses, trying to think of the word)

WordGirl:  Nemesis .

Butcher: Yeah, she’s my--  nemesis . Other than the fact we fight each other, we get along pretty good.

WordGirl: Pretty well.

Butcher: Right, pretty well.

Kid Potato: I don’t believe this. Getting along with a superhero? Come on, let’s go.

Butcher: But pop--

Kid Potato: I said let’s go!

Butcher: Oh-- fine.

Kid Potato: The old twenty-three spud skidoo!

(WordGirl and Huggy get covered in baked potatoes. The Butcher walks over to them.)

Butcher: Hey listen, sorry about my pop. He can be a little--

Kid Potato: Junior!

Butcher: Yeah, alright, Pop! (to WordGIrl) Sorry. Again. Uh, see you later.

WordGirl: Good luck. Man, potatoes make a mess!

(Huggy nods in agreement.)

(Scene: The lair of the Butcher.  Kid Potato is inside with Butcher, looking around.)

Kid Potato: This is what you left your home and your family behind for?

Butcher: Aw Pop, come on.

Kid Potato: (throws his hands in the air)  Forget it. I didn’t come here to bother you. I came because-- well, I guess I always dreamed that when you got older, you and I would rob stuff together. Be a real criminal duo!

(He looks at the picture of the Butcher with Li’l Mittens, and shakes his head.)

Kid Potato: I even had a name picked out for us. Are you ready? Meat and Potatoes. Notice I put your name first.

Butcher: Aw, Pop. That’s nice! I’m really touched.

Kid Potato: And I have to say, after seeing your performance today, it looks like I came in the nick of time! You really stink.

Butcher: Yeah... not so touched anymore.

Kid Potato: What do you say, son? Be the meat for my potatoes?

Butcher: Oh, well, uh--

Kid Potato: Yes or no?

Butcher: It’s not that easy--

Kid Potato: YES OR NO?!

Butcher: Quit  badger ing me!

Kid Potato:  Badger ing?

Butcher: Yeah, it means to pester or nag me. To ask me again and again to do something.

Kid Potato: Where’d you learn that?

Butcher: From WordGirl.

Kid Potato: That’s it. It’s worse than I thought. You need my help, son.

Butcher: Yeah, Pop, I don’t kn--

Kid Potato: It’s settled, then! We’re a team! Father and son! Meat and potatoes!

Butcher: Pop, I don’t--

''They both fall onto the floor. Kid Potato falls asleep on top of Butcher, triggering a dream montage of both of them on a crime spree together.)''

Narrator: Back at the Botsford house...

(Scene: the Botsford backyard.  Mr. Botsford is nailing some boards together into a strange-shaped structure.  Becky and Bob walk toward him.)

Becky: (still brushing potato off of her)  Ick!

Mr. Botsford: Becky! Bob! I’m so excited to see what you’ve got.

Becky: Got? (remembers) Right, the bird house. Yes, uh, well Dad, uh, we didn’t really get any materials... but I did walk around, with Bob, and, um, we came up with a ton of ideas!

Mr. Botsford: Fantastic! I always say, ideas are the construction materials of the mind. So what’s you got, lay it on me.

Becky: Um, right now? You-- you want to know what my ideas are, right now.

Mr. Botsford: Yeah, fire away.

Becky: Oh, uh, okay, well, uh, Bob, a little help?

(Bob, who has been glaring at her, raises his hands above his head.)

Becky: A man-- with a pointed head-- looking at the sun-- through his fingers!

(Bob covers his face.)

Mr. Botsford: Hmm... I LOVE it! It’s original, and originality is one of the grading categories.

(Suddenly Becky hears an alarm going off.)

Becky: (to Bob) It’s the jewelry store! (to her dad) Uh, Dad, Bob and I have to, uh...

Mr. Botsford: Run out and get materials so we can start building the pointy-headed man looking at the sun through his fingers?

Becky: (smiling sheepishly)  Yeah.

Mr. Botsford: Hurry back, hon. I can’t wait to show you the bird-sized pool table in the game room.

Becky: Right! Thanks Dad. Come on, Bob. (They walk off.)

(A bird lands on the tree branch next to Mr. Botsford.)

Mr. Botsford: Oh, hey there, buddy. Almost finished--

(He looks up in the tree, and sees dozens of birds waiting.)

Mr. Botsford: Ooh. Hey, everybody.

(Scene: The jewelry store.  The Butcher and Kid Potato are inside confronting Reginald.)

Reginald: So, you’re who, now?

(The Butcher is wearing a red mask, a cape, and a muscle shirt with a picture of steak stitched on the chest. Kid Potato jumps in front of him.)

Kid Potato: He’s Meat, and I’m Potato. Together, we’re Meat and Potatoes! You heard it here first!

Reginald: (with a sarcastic tone)  I’m SO honored.

Kid Potato: You should be! This is our first robbery ever. One day you’ll be able to tell your grandkids that you were here.

Reginald: Highly unlikely.

Kid Potato: (elbowing Butcher)  Come on, stand up straight. We’re making history here, and you’re slouching.

Butcher: (sighs) This is my natural posture, alright?

Kid Potato: Since when?

(WordGirl arrives with Huggy.)

WordGirl: Hold it right there, Butcher-- and, uh, Kid-- Potato?

Kid Potato: Ah-ah-ah, my son here is no longer The Butcher.

WordGirl: He’s not? You’re not?

Butcher: Yeah-- well, actually--

Kid Potato: Nah, he’s not! He’s with me now. Together, we’re Meat and Potatoes. He’s no longer some pushover you could just defeat and take to jail over and over and over and--

Butcher: Yeah, yeah--  alright, Pop, we get the idea.

Kid Potato: Well, not anymore, missy!

Butcher: A- Alright, that’s it. Pop, enough! I’m not gonna let you  badger  me into doing somethin’ I don’t wanna do.

WordGirl: Hey, you used the word  badger ! Nice!

Butcher: Yeah-- thanks, but I’m on a roll here.

WordGirl: Right-- sorry.

Butcher: Look, I’m not movin’ back with you, and I’m not joining you! Meat and Potatoes is YOUR dream, Pop, not mine!

Kid Potato: Well, doesn’t that just beat all... where’s the gratitude, I ask ya? Where’s the sense of family?

(He looks down at Huggy, who shakes his head in sympathy.)

Butcher: Look-- that guilt trip’s not gonna work anymore, Pop. Y- you can’t  badger  me. You hear?

WordGirl: Just in case it hasn’t been defined yet,  badger  means--

Butcher: I defined it before!

WordGirl: Oh, you did? Okay. ''(She pauses a minute, then turns to Kid Potato.) It means to pester someone.

Kid Potato: You’re the pest.

WordGirl: Hey! That’s it! You’re going down! (turns to Butcher) Sorry, but you too, Butcher!

Butcher: Oh, yeah? W-well, not this time. You hear? I don’t need to be  badger ed about this-- (he rips his mask off) --and I don’t need to join Meat and Potatoes! ‘Cause I’m your greatest  nemesis , you hear? ME! The Butcher!

(He prepares a meat attack.)

Butcher: KIELBASA CRUSHER!

Kid Potato: POTATO PIE POW!

(Each of them launch attacks at WordGirl, but she gets out of the way, causing The Butcher to be covered in potatoes, and Kid Potato to be covered in kielbasa sausage.)

Kid Potato: My sciatic! Kielbasa-- hard to get out of.

Butcher: Yeah, Pop? You mean it?

Kid Potato: You see me moving? Listen, son... it may not always seem like it, but I’m really proud of you.

Butcher: You are?

Kid Potato: Sure. I just wish I got to see you a little more.

Butcher: Aww, Pop... why didn’t you just say so?

Kid Potato: Well, I don’t like to  badger  you.

Butcher: Huh.

WordGirl: Well... looks like you two will be spending some quality time together after all. In prison!

Kid Potato: Actually, that’ll be kind of nice.

WordGirl: (scratching her head)  I’m not touching that one.

Kid Potato: So... this is gonna be great! You and I can be cellmates.

Butcher: That’d be great, Pop.

Narrator: And so, once again--

WordGirl: Hold on, hold on! What about the whole birdhouse story?

Narrator: Oh, right. In all the excitement, I kind of forgot. (chuckles)

WordGirl: We’ll have to hustle home before my dad gets suspicious. I’ll just have to think up an excuse.

Narrator: Uh, yeah, well, that worked out well the last time.

WordGirl: Quiet, you! Word UP!

(She takes off, leaving Huggy standing on the counter. With an angry growl, he stomps out of the door of the jewelry shop, where an officer is standing.  Huggy directs him inside, then starts walking home.  He stops in front of the store next door, and gets an idea.)

''Scene: The Botsford’s back yard. Becky walks up to her dad, who has finished most of the birdhouse.)''

Becky: Hey Dad, sorry I’m-- whoa!

(The birdhouse is multi-level, and looks like a mansion.)

Mr. Botsford: Yeah, not to  badger  you, honey, but do you have those building materials so we can finish this thing? Heh, frankly I’m starting to get a little-- nervous.

(Hundreds of birds are now chirping frantically at him, impatient to move into their new homes.)

Becky: Yeah-- um, well Dad, actually, I--

Mr. Botsford: Hey, where’s Bob?

Becky: Bob! Right. Oh boy... uh...

(Bob comes walking in, still frowning, carrying a bag.)

Mr. Botsford: Oh, there he is. Hi, Bob!

Becky: Hi, Bob. (whispering) Sorry.

Mr. Botsford: So now, Becky, um, what were you saying about those building materials?

(Mr. Botsford is now covered with birds.)

Becky: Oh yeah. Well, see, we were --

(Bob reaches into the bag, and holds up a pinecone decoration.)

Mr. Botsford: Ha! That’s perfect. Great idea, guys. My house, although stately, was missing that downhome birdy touch.

(More and more birds flock around him.)

Becky: Right. Just what we thought.

Mr. Botsford: Well, go ahead. Finish her off.

(Bob hands the pinecone to Becky.)

Becky: Okay.

(She hangs it above the door. Her dad is now completely covered in birds, and they all fly toward the house.  Soon it is completely filled with birds.)

Becky: Wow.

Mr. Botsford: Wow is right! Looks like it’s a hit. Great job, honey!

Becky: Thanks, Dad, for being so supportive. (She gives him a big hug.)

Mr. Botsford: Aww...

Becky: You’re no Kid Potato.

Mr. Botsford: Oh, thanks, honey! (pause) Kid potato?

Becky: Um, long story.

Narrator: And so, once again WordGirl and Huggy defeat their  nemesis , the Butcher. And for the first time, they defeat his  badger ing dad, Kid Potato. Whoa, that’s a lot of birds.

Becky: Uh, yeah.

Narrator: Join us again next time for another scintillating episode of WordGirl!

(For the closing scene, Kid Potato and the Butcher are in the prison yard, tossing a potato back and forth.)