K.C. Times Three

Previously on KC Undercover I thought you said you were with your sick grandma. You thought I was KC. Aha. I'm not. I'm her cousin Kassandra. Her cousin? Byron knows that something's up, and I cannot blow my cover. Too bad you don't have a secret twin locked in your basement. Hello, Bernice. Whassup, ugly? Hi, Byron! Remember my cousin Kassandra who you thought didn't exist? I need to go to the bathroom. Uh, well, then I'll just go with you. Bernice is dangerous, and it's all my fault because I'm the one who let her out, and I don't know what to do. What you should have done is had me wear that KC disguise that I wore to cover for you for the Organization. Nooooo, I don't wanna go to jail. Good job, Marisa, you're coming off really believable. Don't make me take you, Bernice! Nooo, I thought you were my friend! I hate that I have to talk to this convict Bernice. Just saying her name makes me sick to my stomach "Bernice. " Uggh! Sick! I tell you, just sick. Hey, sweetie, how ya holdin' up? Terrible. It's scary in here. I know, I know. Just you know what, think about it as full-time detention. They don't hose you down and delouse you in detention. To make it even worse, they have me sleeping on a mattress with questionable stains. Well, on the bright side, you're not sleeping on the floor. I have to use the communal shower. Oh! Okay. So what I'm hearing is, you're being exposed to lots of new people. I'm only allowed six squares of toilet paper a day. Six. Yeah. I found out the hard way when I wasted three on a sneeze. So, in other words, um Uh, yeah, there's no good spin on that one. Listen, just hang in there, okay? I'm getting lots of leads on Bernice and I should be locating her really soon. Okay. Ow. How the heck am I gonna find Bernice? Well, it looks like Marisa's stuck in prison till we can find Bernice. You know, for once, I'd like this house to descend into chaos while I'm on a mission and your father's at home. All right, what do we know? Nothing. Bernice could be anywhere at this point. We don't even know her last name or if Bernice is just an alias. And for her sake, I hope it is, 'cause who names their kid Bernice? My original name was 6212171 dash X2P. "Bernice" doesn't sound as bad now, does it? Uh, KC, there's something you should see on the TV. Okay, Ernie, you can bore me with your dragon shows later, all right? You're on TV. We have a composite sketch of the suspect, a young female who so far has robbed 14 convenience stores. She's been dubbed the Inconvenience Store Robber. KC! How could you?! Oh, yeah, that makes tons of sense, Ernie. While you were in the bathroom I drove to Pennsylvania and robbed 14 convenience stores. Well, you could have been. He was in there for over an hour. The girl came in, and I took one look at those evil eyes, I knew she was up to no good. She took all the cash out the register, and even took all the pennies out the Give A Penny, Take A Penny dish! Now, what kind of monster does that? Hey, don't look at me, I always give a penny! You know what, I'm going to Pennsylvania and I'm gonna catch Bernice. Don't you think we should go with you for backup? I got this. So you're gonna take care of this all on your own? Uh, yeah, all on my own. Sorta like how you decided to bust Bernice out all on your own, and then let her escape all on your own? And then disguise your best friend and put her in jail all on your own? Sure, go ahead! Mess it all up again all on your own. Excuse me, are you implying I can't do this by myself? I'm not implying, I'm sayin' it. You know what? Your brother's right. Judy, Ernie, you're going with KC. What? Mom, I They're coming with you, KC, no if, ands, or buts. If there's no buts, then why is Ernie going? Oh, no. She's back. Look, the cash register's empty, but help yourself to all the beef jerky you want, just don't hurt me. Okay, relax, relax, I am not the one who robbed you, okay? The woman who robbed you is an escaped convict who got a face transplant, and You know what, just give me some beef jerky and you go crouch in the corner somewhere. Um, you don't eat beef jerky. Oh, it's not for me. What was that for?! That was for coming with me when I clearly told you I didn't need any help. You know what, Judy, go scan the parking lot for clues. Based on the tire tracks and paint transfer on that light pole, we're looking for a 2004 American-made four-door sedan in midnight blue. The Inconvenience Store Robber has struck again In Cherry Hill, New Jersey. Looks like we're headed to Cherry Hill. Cherry Hill. A township in Camden County. Population 71,000, making it the 15th most populous municipality in New Jersey. 71 degrees. Hmm. Thank goodness I'm not doing this mission alone. I mean, how else would I have learned those useless facts? Well, I guess you could have done a simple Web search with the key words Okay, you know what? Just get in the car. Um, what are you doing? I'm righting a wrong. Hey, Lucy, what's up? Hey! Well, I am worried sick about my daughter Marisa. Aw, don't worry. I'm sure she'll graduate eventually. But this isn't even about school. No, Marisa is missing. No, no, she's not missing. Oh. Um, she's been staying here with us at our house. Why? Why? Because, you know, she's is mad. At you. I mean really mad. She ran away from home and only got as far as next door? Boy, that girl is lazier than I thought she was. Wait, wait. Why is she even mad at me? Because, you know, 'cause of that thing you did. Oh, because I took away Yep, uh-huh, that's it. Wow. Well, thanks so much for watching her. I'm just gonna take her home now. Oh. Uh Marisa! You know what, Lucy? She's not here right now. She'll be back in an hour. Okay. Yeah. Well, she better be, because I'm coming back when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the Set the timer for one hour. No problem that a case of prosthetics, a voice modulator, and a good wig can't solve. Okay, so this was the last convenience store Bernice robbed. I'm gonna go in. You two stay here. I need to go with you. I need a quick recharge. Maybe they'll let me plug in. Yeah, an eleven-year-old with a retractable cord that comes out of her butt and plugs into the wall? That's definitely not gonna raise any suspicion. It's a truck stop in Jersey. I guaranty they've seen worse. Listen, you two stay here. At least put this ski mask on. You don't want the clerk to think you're Bernice. He can't think you're a threat. You want me to put this ski mask on so that I don't look like a robber? Uh yeah. Well, it sounds dumb when you put it like that. Uh, no, it sounds dumb any way you put it. Uh, Judy, what the heck did you eat at that convenience store? I'm getting a breaking news report. And the infamous Inconvenience Store Robber has now identified herself. Hey. Hey. I'm KC. KC Cooper. That's C-O-O-P-E-R. Yeah, that's right. Look at this face. This is the face of danger. And I will not stop until I am dragged away to prison for the rest of my life. And I deserve to pay for my crimes. With these pennies. You guys, what am I supposed to do now? Everybody thinks that I'm the robber. I'm gonna be a wanted woman. Well, there's a first time for everything. I think we're catching up to her. According to the police scanner, she just robbed this convenience store five minutes ago. KC, the cops could be here any second, and you've been identified. So we'll go in and talk to the store clerk. Well, then, what am I supposed to do? You just sit here, all alone, and don't of anything. You know, pretend it's one of your regular Saturday nights. Ha ha ha ha. I don't know why you're laughing. That's every night for you. KC Cooper, the Inconvenience Store Robber, has just been seen heading east on Route 78. Ernie, Judy, I've located Bernice. I'm gonna go get her. No! Don't go alone! Wait for us! Guys, I got this, okay? I do not need your help. I'm in pursuit. Of myself. Hmm. Marisa Clarissa Miller! You get your butt down here right now! Okay here comes undercover mother. Hello, Mother. I am a teenage runaway, and it is all your fault. Look, Marisa, I know I did that thing that made you mad and stuff, but enough is enough. It's time to come home now. I am not coming home, Mother, and I honestly don't know when I will be ready to come home. So until then, I bid you adieu. Don't you sass me with your fancy Cooper words. You're coming home with me right now. No, I'm not. Yes, you are! No, I'm not! Yes, you are! No, I'm not! What if I take you shopping? Can we buy Kira something expensive to thank her for her hospitality? Sure! What are we waiting for, Mommy? Let's go! Aha, there you are, you beautiful-on-the-outside, ugly-on-the-inside maniac. Okay. Ernie, Judy, I got eyes on Bernice. Good teamwork, KC. We were supposed to be doing this mission together. A big part of backing you up is not being left back here. Well, if it isn't ugly-on-the-outide, ugly-on-the-inside KC. Hey! Pull over, you penny-stealing psychopath! Go read a dictionary, book worm! Having a fortitude of loquaciousness is nothing to be ashamed of. In other words, having a good vocabulary is cool! KC Cooper, we recognize your face of danger. Exit your vehicle with your hands up. Hey, uh, Ernie? Judy? Ha ha. Something kind of funny happened while I was trying to track down Bernice. We know. You're getting arrested. How'd you guys know that? Uh, we're watching it on the news. But hey, on the bright side, you did it all on your own. Hey, guys. Why are we raising suspicions by having an 11-year-old behind the wheel? Hey, when your feet are long enough to reach the pedals, you can drive. Why are we even bothering to help KC at this point? Based on Bernice's pattern of robbery, she's heading north-by-northeast, which means she can only be heading to one place: Iceland! She's gonna hide in the Land of Fire and Ice! Hey, look at that, I grabbed a car that has more than one dipstick. Bernice is heading to Park Avenue in New York City. Where there are rich people, there are plastic surgeons, and Bernice wants nothing more than to get her old face back. So she's been robbing the convenience stores to pay for her surgery! What if we're already too late and she has a new face? Then we'll just beat it down till it looks like KC again. So, what do you feel like ordering? I'm wondering if they have that shrimp pasta special? Marisa! You're allergic to shrimp! Yeah, I know, I know. I was just making sure that that they didn't have it in anything I order. You know, Mom, thank you so much for taking me shopping today. I know Kira is gonna love those expensive, fancy shoes we got her. You put so much thought into that gift you'd think you were buying 'em for yourself. Well, you always taught me to be generous, so No No, I didn't. I did have fun with you today. You are really growing up. You know, Lucy uh, I mean, Mom I had fun too. I'm really lucky I have you. Tell me about it. Can you imagine if you'd be stuck with that Kira as a mother? Excuse me? Well, I mean, I I don't mean to talk out of turn, but that Kira is a real mess. Well, I don't know about that. KC's a straight-A student. Well, of course she is. She spends all of her time at the library away from that mother of hers. She's sketchy, that Kira. If by "sketchy" you mean loving, dedicated and still got it goin' on. Well, I'll tell ya, something's goin' on, because I once saw her at two-thirty in the morning getting into a van with a strange man who was tied up! Well, you know what, maybe you should be worrying about where your own daughter is at night. Where are you at night? In my room, praying, and thinking about how grateful I am to have you as a mom. Now, we weren't talking about me, we were talking about that hot mess Kira. She's awful, isn't she? Okay, let's find Bernice. Excuse me. Dr. Depardieu? From Paris? Uh, yes. Uh, I mean, oui. Arent you a little young to be a plastic surgeon? Well, that ees because, I was, how you say it, child prodigy. I graduated medical school at fourteen. Oh, impressive. And you are? Uh, these is my surgical nurse. Coco Takanawa? Is this some kind of joke? This is obviously a child. Ha! Ha! A child? How flattering. I'm actually a patient of Dr. Depardieu's, and I'm sixty-two years young! But shhh. Don't tell my boyfriend. Wow! You are good. Your patient is waiting for you in operating room A. Is this patient's name Bernice? No, it's Harold. In that case, we need to consult with Dr. Tuckfeld. Dr. Tuckfeld is about to start surgery in operating room B. Well, B is where we'll be. Right, Dr. Depardieu? Oui, oui. B-B. Bye-bye! Hurry it up, doc, I can't wait to get rid of this disgusting excuse for a face. Not that I mind the business, but I'm not a proponent of unnecessary plastic surgery. Ah, who cares what you think, you quack? Just start slicing. Oh, and don't be stingy with that night-night gas. I don't want to feel a thing. Stop that surgery! Ah, come on! Seriously? Keep back, Dr. Tuckfeld. That woman is a dangerous fugitive. I should have known. The ones who pay with a backpack full of cash usually are. Let the doctor go. No. Not until I get my old face back. That's what you think. Nurse? Ohh! I'm going back to nose jobs and butt work! Yahh! Uh, Judy, you plan on helping? Hey, I drove the car. Can't you do anything on your own? Hey! Okay, fine. I'm an expert in 17 different kinds of martial arts. Which one would you prefer to be beaten up by? Karate? Yah! Kung-fu? Waaa. Or my personal favorite, Judy-Jitsu. Eeeeyaaagh! Aaah! Ow! This is too weird! It's like I'm beating up my sister! Give up? No. It's like I'm beating up my sis-aaah! Whoo! I've been waitin' sixteen years to do that! Nurse Ah, well. Welcome home, Bernice. I'm sure they saved a mattress with questionable stains just for you. Great. So I escaped for nothing. I'll be stuck with these eyebrows forever. Seriously, what'd you do, paint them on? KC- Wait, which one of you is KC? Of course I know which one of you is KC. I'd know my best friend anywhere. Hug me, I'll cut you. KC! I'd know my best friend anywhere. Can I take this off now? Yeah, sure, go ahead. Whoo! Lucky. Last time I tried that, my face hurt for a week. I hate you, KC Cooper! Right back atcha. And I want my clothes back! Well, Bernice is officially behind bars. I want to say thank you. You were right. I I need the backup, and I could not have pulled this whole thing off without you. We know, because you tried. And failed. And then tried again. And failed. And then tried again You make it very difficult to be nice to you. I know. It's kind of my thing. Oh, KC, look, you're on TV. In a case of mistaken identity, the Inconvenience Store Robber was falsely identified as KC Cooper. The real KC Cooper, who had nothing to do with the robberies, is a straight-A student, a model citizen, and a lover of all animals. Wow. You guys really think of everything. I didn't call that in. Neither did I. What? Some stuff you still gotta do all on your own. Rob, your name's on TV!