Family Guy (episode)

(The Griffin's are watching The Brady Bunch.)

Jan: Mom, dad, I found cigarettes in Greg's jacket.

Mike: Greg, were you smoking cigarettes?

Greg: No, dad.

Mike: (to Carol) Well, he's lying. There's no doubt about that. (Back to Greg) Greg, I'm afraid your punishment will be 4 hours in the snake pit. (Pushes button which opens the pit.)

Mike: Maybe that'll give you some time to think about what you've done.

Greg: Oh, man!

Jan: That'll teach him.

Mike: And Jan, I'm afraid you've earned a day in the chamber of fire for tattling on your brother.

(Mike pushes button and the door opens to reveal fire.

(Cut back to the Griffins)

Lois: Ah, smoking! How does a boy like that go so wrong?

Peter: Well, they live in a crummy neighborhood.

Brian: The Bradys?

Peter: Oh hell, yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers. You name it.

(Woman pops up out the window holding pancakes.)

Woman: You folks want some pancakes?

Peter: No, thank you. (To the other Griffins) See, that's the worst we got is Jemima's Witnesses.

(Cut to The Intro.)

(Cut to the kitchen where Chris is seen writing in his notebook. Meg is reading a magazine. Stewie is fixinghis mind-control device, and Lois is pouring salt on a ham.)

Meg: Mom, my lips are too thin. Can I please get collagen injections?

Lois: Meg, you don't need to change the way you look. You know, most of the world's problems stem from poor self-image.

Stewie: Excellent! The mind-control device is nearing completion.

Lois: Stewie, I said no toys at the table.

Stewie: Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.

Lois: Don't pout, honey. When you were born the doctor said you were the happiest looking baby he'd ever seen.

Stewie: But of course. That was my victory day. The fruition of my deeply-laid plans to escape from that cursed ovarian Bastille!