Dear John

In here! What's the emergency? Can you open this for me? - You called 9-1-1 because you couldn't open a can of tuna? No. First I called Bugs. Then I called my girlfriend, And then I called Porky. Then I called 9-1-1. The Looney Tunes Show Season 2, Episode 12 "Dear John" - "Dear Edmund, I'm leaving you. " Ohh! I don't get it. - What? Then why were you crying? - I always cry when I'm confused. What didn't you get? Well, why was he so upset? - Because of the Dear John letter. - John? ok, I thought his name was Edmund. - No, it's just called a Dear John letter When someone ends the relationship with a note Instead of face to face. Ohh, ok. So this was a sad movie. Hey, then why was I laughing so much during it? I have no idea. Come on. - Oh, I can't go anywhere. Now that I know what's going on, I want to see it again. - Can you believe they charged me For coming out to the house? it says you called 9-1-1 Four times in the past week. And none of the emergencies were valid. Oh, they were valid. Will you hand me that towel? Will you tell me a bedtime story? Scarf, or no scarf? Why do they get to decide if it's an emergency or not? - Daffy, our emergency services are under funded And overextended as it is. Our property taxes aren't high enough. - Why do you know so much about it? - Because I'm on the City Council. What's the City Council? - The elected body that runs the city. So you're like a big wig? maybe to some people. - How long have you been on the City Council? - I'm about to finish my third term. - How did I never know this about you? - Because you never ask me anything about myself. And when I try to tell you anything, you interrupt me. And then on the few occasions where I actually do get to say something, You literally fall asleep from boredom. - Hey, I'm meeting Tina for date night. - Uh, why is the microwave not working? - Oh. I tried to open a can of tuna with it. I thought if I got it hot enough, the top would pop off. - Daffy, you can't put metal in the microwave. Well, I know that now, ok? The lesson's been learned, all right? I'll never forget it. Real quick--you can or cannot put metal in the microwave? Pizzariba, this is Speedy. - Hey, Speedy, who is that handyman you use at the restaurant? - You mean John? Oh, he's the best. You want me to call him for you? - That would be great. The microwave's broken. No problem. I'll have him drop by tomorrow. Just leave him a note. - Thanks, Speedy. - Hey, Bugs! I saw that movie again. Oh, you were right, it was a Dear John letter. Oh, so sad. I hardly laughed at all this time. - Dear John, this isn't working. Bugs. Oh, no! A Dear John letter? Bugs broke up with me! Why?! - I'm sorry, sir, we're completely booked this evening. You didn't make a reservation? - Don't worry. I'll handle this. Ahem. You do know that I'm a close, Personal friend of Porky Pig? Ah, that's City Council member Porky Pig. Ooh. - Who knew there were perks to being friends with Porky Pig? Good-bye, apartment. I've decided to go away for a while. Too many memories here. Ew! Oh, no, no, uh-uh, no. Uh-uh. Just because I'm leaving doesn't mean you And all your little insect friends can come in here and crawl around. Ok, you hear that, roaches? I'm talking to you, too, spiders and ants. All of you. You stay out of this apartment! And in case you need a reminder, I'm putting a note on the front door. - Uh, Daffy, have you been going all over town Saying you're friends with me? - Yes. And the results are incredible. I used to be embarrassed to admit I even knew you. But just this morning, I threw your name around And I got a lifetime gym membership for free! It wasn't for free. You told the girl who worked there That the city would have a parade in her honor. - So? You're on the City Council. - You told the Maitre'd at the Sunset Room That I'd name a highway after him. - Well, it got me a really good table. You told that traffic cop That I could grant his uncle's citizenship! What's wrong with that? This is the greatest country on earth. - It's unethical! There's a reelection coming up, And this makes it look like I could be bribed! - I understand. It won't happen again. Porky Pig voted not once, But twice to make our city dirtier. He voted to eliminate garbage collection. He voted three times to allow dumping in the river. Why would a City Councilman do such a thing? Because he's a pig. And pigs are filthy. On election day, let's send this pig back to the farm. Vote Daffy Duck for City Council. - I'm Daffy Duck, and I approve this message. - What was that? - An attack ad. But those are all lies! - It doesn't matter. Now people are going to have Negative associations with you. - I can't believe you're running against me! - You're the one who said I can't use your name to get perks. So, fine. I'll get 'em myself. How could you do this? - First, you don't want me telling people you're my friend. Now you don't want me telling people you're my enemy? Porky, you're a real flip flopper. Ooh. I'll put that in my next attack ad. - I didn't know where else to go. I can't stop thinking about that Dear John letter. Oh, I just need some peace and quiet. You'll find that here. True healing occurs when one is clear of mind And calm of spirit. - Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, I totally agree with that. Your path is meditation. Mm-hmm. Ok. - And the key to meditation is silence. - Say what now? - A vow of silence. For the next year, you shall not speak. You know, I bet I could achieve all that healing stuff without the silence. What do you think? - I'm afraid the silence is necessary. - What I'm really quiet? Does that count? - what about now? What if I'm this quiet? No one will even know I'm talking. Sorry, no. Not a word. - Well, what about sounds? Are they allowed? Like, when I'm surprised. I'd go, whoa! Or when I'm bored, I'd be like Deedaleelee, Deedaleedeedee - Silence. - Wow. Ok. Oh, that felt good. Sorry. I just had to get that last one out of my system. - Newcomer Daffy Duck has won a seat On the City Council, Defeating the incumbent Porky Pig. Once again, negative campaigns Proved their effectiveness. Ohh! I won! I won, I won, I won! Let the perks begin! Shh, shh. Oh! I keep getting her voicemail. I haven't heard from Lola in three days. I'm going over there. - Someone's going to need new business cards. I bet I can get 'em for free. "Dear Bugs, I don't ever want to see you again!" Lola broke up with me? Hey. Ooh, great. Oh, yeah, that's nice. Good heighth on that. The Royal Oaks-Glen Oaks-Oakwood Oaks City Council meeting is now in session. We open up the floor to new business. Yes, I have a complaint. It's regarding the number on the curb. The paint is-- - How long does these things usually go? There's an "Off-Duty Cop" marathon on tonight And I'd like to get home for it. I can't record it because I broke the DVR Trying to open a can of tuna. - The meetings are scheduled for five hours, But they sometimes run long. - But then that paint faded as well. So, I would like to talk about the kind of paint That this city uses for addresses. Because clearly Oh, come on! Is this really happening? What does she care if someone can read her address? I've lived across the street from her for six years. She hasn't had a single visitor. Just remember why you're here. The perks. This will be worth it, because of the perks. I like periwinkle, But I think that would be a very bad choice. So in conclusion, I propose a special committee To discuss paint quality, Paint color, and paint placement. Thank you. - Thank you. And that concludes the new business. Finally. And now onto old business. Concerning the speed reduction on Maple Drive, I believe the choice was between speed bumps And speed humps. - Is that right, Councilmember Bowls? - Yes, Mr. Chairman. Speed bumps are conical, While speed humps are ovoid. - Councilmember Duck, what are your thoughts On speed bumps versus speed humps? - My thoughts? You want my thoughts, huh? My thoughts are that you people are all insane! You let that old lady talk for three hours, And she never said anything! In the amount of time that that took, I could have gone over there And painted her address myself! I could have painted the Sistine Chapel! I don't know about you people, But I have better things to do with my time Than talk about whether something is conical or ovoid! Ovoid! Now if you'll excuse me, I have something That I need to get back to, And it's called a life. Unbelievable. Bunch of namby pambies. Ronald Reagan was right. Oh, hey, I'm supposed To meet Porky at Pizzariba. You want to come? - I don't ever want to see you again! - There's nothing here for me anymore. - So you don't want to come to Pizzariba? No perk is worth sitting through that drivel! I mean, is there really a difference between speed bumps and speed humps? - Well, one is conical and one is ovoid, and-- How long do I have to be a City Council member? A term is four years. - Four years?! I can't do four years, man! Ooh! Someone just forwarded me a video. - Is that the baby playing piano? Already saw it. Fake. - UmYou might want to see this. My toughts are that you people Are all insane! You let that old lady talk for three hours-- - You better hope no one sees this. You could get thrown off the City Council. - In the amount of time that that took, I could have gone over there and painted her address myself! I could have painted the Sistine Chapel! This isn't good. Or, is it great? - Hey, man, I saw that video of you At the City Council meeting. - I know what you're going to say, And I owe you and all of you, My constituents, an apology. But, obviously, apologies are not enough. And you the voters will undoubtedly Want to remove me from office, Which I will accept. Though with a heavy heart. - Are you kidding me? What you did was great! Say what? - You are the opposite of a politician. You can't hide what you are feeling. You just say it! You're a breath of fresh air! We're so lucky to have you on that City Council. We need you there, forever and always! Am I right? - Ok, so what kind of permits do I need To put an addition on the kitchen? It would extend it to the parking lot, And I would require some digging. So I think we need To talk about construction permits, as well. Lola, it has been a year. Your vow of silence is fulfilled. You should feel a deep and lasting peace. You may now speak. What do you have to say? I miss Bugs! Hey, one more thing-- Hmm. NowHere? I don't know where these speed bumps go! - What?! You people can't come to my home! I'm not a City Councilman Oh. Hey, Lola. - Where's Bugs? I have to be with him Whether he wants me or not. I don't know where Bugs is. He left a long time ago. - What are you talking about? - He got your Dear John letter And was completely devastated and said something about Sailing to the end of the world. - What?! How could Bugs have possibly thought this was for him? Ohh. I'm coming for you, Bugs! And this time I'm talking about the rabbit Bugs! Meeting adjourned. - That was another fun five hours. What are you doing here? - Just because I can't be on the City Council Doesn't mean I can't come to the meetings. - We really do have nothing in common. - Did you hear about Prop 14? - What's Prop 14? - They're calling it the Daffy Duck Provision. You're so popular, The voters want to make your seat On the City Council permanent. - Then there's only one thing left to do. - Embrace a life dedicated to public service? No. Fake my own death. - Tragedy struck today when popular City Councilman Daffy Duck lost control of his vehicle And plunged into the icy Sebastian river. All that was recovered was his beloved parade float. And the city never even got to throw him a parade. Former Councilman Porky Pig Has agreed to fulfill the remainder of his term. This is Elmer J. Fudd reporting. hey, Porky. Want some gently used business cards? I'll put a speed bump here And the speed hump here. Oh, no. Oh, maybe the speed hump goes there And the speed bump goes here. Bugs! Bugs! Bugs! Lola? Whoa-oh! Ohh. Wait. What are you doing here? You broke up with me! That note wasn't to you. It was to spiders and ants and roaches. Don't you see? I wrote "Dear Bugs", But you thought I meant "Dear Bugs". Bugs. I need to be with you. I don't care about the Dear John letter You left me on the microwave. Dear John letter? You mean the repairman? - Wait. Why'd you break up with the repairman? - Mwah! - Mwah! - Oh, Tosh? - Yes, Chum? - Would you like to split this tangerine soda? - Actually, I never have carbonation in the afternoon. - I should have known that. Terribly sorry. - No apology, Chum. Let me cut you a slice Of this nice zucchini bread. - Oh, no. I'm gluten intolerant. - Oh, of course you are. I should have known that. - Well, I shouldn't have thoughtlessly offered you that soda. - What is happening to us?! - I don't know! It's like we're - Not on the same page. - Out of synch. we're drifting apart our friendship is broken - indubitably, we've made mistakes how much is unspoken inexorably last week I wanted to watch our favorite cooking show but you left the room to watch women's tennis that was really quite a blow - when we were eating at the palace over thyme I ordered you potato chips but you said you wanted fries well, I like french fries - since when do you like french fries?! we're driftin' apart - the sweater I bought you doesn't match your skin tone we're driftin' apart - I made you captain of the class with your throw rug - it's like we are two sides of a very tainted coin without you I feel like bÃ©arnaise sauce without the top sirloin - I don't know why this friendship train has suddenly derailed we used to be two snowflakes now we're just two chunks of hail - and as that hail hurtles toward earth they drift further apart they're like two frozen daggers ripping through my broken heart - those separate lonely chunks of hail just falling to their doom they hit the room with a sickening and the friendship sonic boomed - I'm sorry that I failed you - oh, no, 'tis I that failed you Well, I better go. I have tickets to michael bublÃ©! - What?! I have backstage passes! - You don't say! - Shall we share a rickshaw? - Ooh, splendid. I love rickshaws! Oh, so do I! we're not drifting apart and we never shall again no more driftin' apart - we remain the best of friends we're not drifting apart - there will be no more strife no more driftin' apart best of egos alive we're not driftin' apart - I'm for you and you're for me no more driftin' apart it's a friendship victory we're not driftin' apart He was a great american hero.