The Scotsman Saves Jack (1)

Samurai Jack: Season: 4 Episode: 6

[incomplete & unfixed]

Tickets, please! Tickets! Can you not see I'm trying to get a tan you gall-dern Is this a full-service boat or what? I need me a refreshment! - Like, here's your refreshment, sir.

- Thanks, laddie! You're, like, totally welcome, sir.

Gross! It's you, me old friend! It's grand to see you! Never would I expect such a thing! You and me, a caber-toss away on the same boat.

I see you changed your wardrobe.

Got tired of wearing your granny's jammies, did you? Like, you must be confused.

My name's Brent Worthington.

What kind of a name is Brent? Brent is what you call a sword after you hit a rock with it or after my wife sits on it.

Only don't go telling her that, you know how mad she gets.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Like, I just work here.

You're funny! You work here! I don't know you, mister! That's right.

Work here! What? What did you say, laddie? Like, you have me mistaken for, like, somebody totally else.

Water boy, over here! Hey, pal, water! Look me in the eyes and tell me you're not Samurai Jack.

Like, I'm not Samurai Jack.

Some slimy, toothy goat took your brain! - Did Aku do this? - Who? Where's your sword? Did Aku get your sword? What sword? You remember your sword, don't you? Your sword, your soul, that wee bit of enchanted steel that's supposed to save the planet.

Like, I don't believe in weapons.

You're the greatest warrior that's ever lived, besides me.

You don't just up and go soft and mushy on me.

You've mastered countless fighting styles and weapons.

You're the defender of truth, freedom and talking dogs.

Armies fear you! There's no stopping you once you get cooking.

Everyone's looking for you.

There's a huge price on your head.

Oh, yeah, you're Samurai Jack, all right, and I can prove it! Hey, you! Yeah, you, tiny.

Would you be looking for Samurai Jack? Yes.

Well, who's that? Samurai Jack.

You're in for it now, buddy.

Go on, teach this Neanderthal with bad breath a lesson.

Twist his arm and make him dance like an alligator on hot coals.

Me buddy! Did you see the looks on their faces? Just like old times, eh, old buddy? Oh, yeah.

- What happened? - You lost a fight.

What? I don't remember being in a fight.

Must have been sun glare.

That would make sense.

You were blinded, happened to me once.

Wha-?! I've got a bad feeling about this.

Fish Men! I don't like Fish Men.

Hold on, laddie.

This could get rough.

Too tight, too tight! What's with all the bubbles? Dude, it's, like, the way they talk.

They, like, heard an explosion.

Now they're all blowing bubbles! Like, this guy who looks exactly like me was, like, on this boat passing over their undersea kingdom? And they, like, asked this guy for help? OK, so, I guess he, like, totally freed them from Aku's minions so, like, they owe this guy, who looks exactly like me, everything.

But he, like, got back on his boat and continued on his way and they never got a chance to thank him.

Like, don't salute me.

I'm not the guy.

See, I told you! Even Fish Men know you're Jack.

Like, I'm not Samurai Jack, Fish Man.

OK? Shut it! What'd you do, bump your head or something? What? No, wait, where do you OK, well, like, thanks for the ride and everything.

I'll see you later.

Nice try, twinkle toes.

You're with me.

I have to retrace your steps and find out how you lost your brain.

Not to mention find your sword.

Can I have, like, a moment here, OK? This is, like, way too much for me to take in.

Of course, of course.

Take all the time you want.

I'm just trying to find your lost brain! And when I find it, I'll stuff it back in your cranium so you can finally remember who you are! Get me?! Well, like, how are you gonna find it if it's, like, lost? Wait.

I need just one lead, a clue.

Now, shut up and let me think! You don't have to be, like, so rude.

- A scar! - Scar, like, what scar? Still fresh, too.

There is only one creature alive that can make a mark like that.

The Tango Beast! It's a doozy! And I know just where to find it.

Tango Beast territory.

This is where you fought the beast.

- Look familiar? - No, I've told you! Look, OK, like, I'm sure this guy is, like, real cool and everything but you have got the wrong guy! - Like, I'm Brent, OK? - Humor me.

We just have to reenact the fight to find another clue.

- Like, you're gonna fight it? - No, you daft man, you are! What? As if! You don't even know if it's in there.

If there's one thing this creature hates more than any other thing it's the stench of the wily jubjub plant.

Just a whiff can send it into a frenzy.

Do you recognize this man? Yeah.

I remember him well.

Yeah, really straightened me out.

- Out with it! - OK, just don't hurt me! All right.

It was a few moons ago, OK? I was terrorizing this town until one night, he came along and well, we had, you know, a confrontation.

He beat me, and then we started talking and showed me the root of my problem that I was attacking the village to make myself feel better to compensate for a lack of self-esteem.

You're playing with me, Tango.

No, no, it's the truth.

I feel great now.

I got my old job back, I'm going out more.

I wash.

Which way did he go? - Like, what happened? - You fainted! Tango's stench must have overwhelmed you.

That's logical.

Happened to me once.

What?! Sandal tracks.

- Sandals? - You wear sandals.

- Like, never! - Shut it! Heck's Bucket Seaport.

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy and the crab cakes aren't bad, either.

Gross! It makes perfect sense you'd come here.

- I don't think so.

- Shut it! Really disgusting worms for sale! - Barbecued lizard on a stick! - Freak! Have you seen him here before? No.

You seen him before? You seen him? How about you? You? You? You? You? You? You? You guys? You? You? You? You? You? Can we go now? Now, that's what I'm talking about! Has anybody seen this man before?! Right.

Now, now, boys I was just trying to clear something up.

It's a long story.

Let's just put the guns down and have a cup of tea.

I guess you don't like tea.

Fine.

How about six feet of blazing steel?! What's that, laddie? I hear you, buddy.

These stupid blokes ain't worth dulling my sword on.

Time to finish with a bang, aye! You wanna hear a story? - Does it look like my bedtime? - No, no, no.

It's a great story.

You never heard it before.

It's epic, amazing! It's got action, drama, tragedy, ghosts, irony, repentance gambling, death, questionable ethics, and an albatross and the walking dead! And the best part is, it's all true.

I'll tell you a story about the old man who got in my way and it's not a happy ending.

- It'll just take a second.

- No! - Let me tell you the title.

- All right.

The Rime Of The Ancient Mariner.

I've heard it! I don't care if you think it is interesting! Gosh, you're, like, really, really old.

I remember you! Come back for a repeat performance? - What? - You've seen him before?! He's been here before? Yeah! It was a while ago.

He was looking to hire a boat out of here for a long journey, somewhere far.

I don't know.

- And he liked my story! - As if.

Look, I don't remember you or your story, OK? Like, I'm so sure.

Great, it'll be like new! The Rime Of The Ancient Mariner! Nope, we're gone.

Wait, stay here and listen to the nightmares of the sea! All right.

One more time, but slow.

We're here.

The lines here are regular shipping lanes well-established routes of travel.

He could have gone on any of these.

Where would, let's say, Fish Men live? Well, their kingdom is located here under the sea.

What's right above it? "The Great Unknown"? I don't know, it's The Great Unknown.

- We'll sail there.

- Like, no way.

It's uncharted waters, dangerous.

They say pirates, magic mystery, and death run rampant out there.

No one returns.

My friend here, he returned from there.

And that's where we're goin'! Like, didn't you hear the man? It's not a tropical paradise.

- It's spooky, and I don't like spooky - Shut it! Is she a fast ship? She's fast enough for you, Scotsman.

- Where are you headed? - The Great Unknown.

That's the real trick, isn't it? And it's gonna cost you.

Like, 10,000?! Dude, we could, like, almost buy our own ship for that.

Dude, I know this guy Yeah, but who's gonna sail it, kid? You? Well, like, yeah.

I could.

I've worked on a boat before.

That'll do you.

All right, then.

All aboard.