Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen

Goodbye, sweetheart! Take good care of yourself. Oh, Mummy, you forgot this. Angel! I worry so about you living alone. Oh, Mother, it's adorable of you to be so concerned, but I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, dear. Come on, girls. Goodbye, my chicken. Yes, I'm free! I can live in New York on my own. I can do whatever I want! Yay! Yes! ''I was born and nurtured in New York,'' the center of the universe. Unfortunately, my mother is moving me to another planet. New Jersey. ''Is it any wonder that I couldn't face reality?'' Can anyone blame me for dreaming ''that she was leaving me behind in my beloved city?'' Mary! Mary, let's go! Goodbye, childhood home. Goodbye, intellectual and spiritual stimulation. Goodbye, Broadway. Mary, please. Don't be such a drama queen. Lola! My name from this day forward is Lola. I've known since I was  years old that my true name is Lola. You were named Mary. It is the name on your birth certificate. It is the name that I am going to call you. ''In my family, I am a flamingo in a flock of pigeons.'' Goodbye, New York. ''Goodbye, any chance of becoming a famous actress.'' ''Your parents tell you to have hopes and dreams.'' ''And then they move you to New Jersey.'' It makes no sense. Welcome to Deadwood. Is she allowed to say that? Come on. Hurry, hurry. Let's see the new house. Come on. Oh, Mom. It's just grass. But it's all over the place. The sun porch is my bedroom. ''Ordinariness isn't the only thing'' ''I have to fight against in my house.'' Gross injustice is another. The only person I can turn to is Stu Wolff, ''the greatest poet since Shakespeare'' ''and the lead singer of Sidarthur.'' ''He'd see me through my dark suburban days.'' ''In the city, I took two subways and a bus to get to school.'' It amazes me that I can get to school ''without it costing $. .   Dellwood High.'' ''I shall be a bird in a cage with a good school district.'' ''However, there is absolutely no point in being negative'' ''about things you just can't change.'' ''I look upon my new town as an empty stage'' ''to which I'm allowed to bring my own script.'' ''In my heart, I feel that a legend is about to be born.'' That legend would be me. Hello. Hey. I'm Lola Steppe. I'm from New York, originally. Ella Gerard. I'm from right here, originally. Well, hi. Hi. Hi! Hi. Have you ever seen Sidarthur in person? No, but I think Stu Wolff is the greatest poet since Shakespeare. I do, too. I have every CD they ever made. -You do? -Yeah! And that's Stu Wolff dancing. I've downloaded some great shots of him. Here he is at the Grammys. This is where he lives. This is the dress that I'm gonna wear when we get married. This is him getting into his limo. That black spot right there is his head. What a wonderful black spot it is. Hi. Carla Santini. Sidarthur. My father is Stu Wolff's lawyer. Really? Your dad must have been in the same room as him and everything. Many times. Aren't you the girl who just moved into the Swenska house? Well, I'm Lola Steppe. I didn't know our home had a name. Is that supposed to be that famous New York sense of humor? New Yorkers learn to laugh at themselves and everything else when they're very young. My parents took me to New York for my birthday. I thought it was beautiful. The lights and everything. I know why they call it the greatest city in the world. Ella Gerard, you are the sister of my soul! You should see Park Avenue at Christmas. It's like walking through the Milky Way. Except nobody gets mugged in the Milky Way. We'll take our seats now. Miss Baggoli? Yes? We have a new girl from New York City. We do. Miss Steppe. Miss Steppe. Miss Baggoli, I know it must show on your records that my name is Mary, but everyone has referred to me as Lola since I was a squealing infant in my mother's arms. I don't even know who this Mary is. I like that name. Lola. Lola. This is Lola. Lola, you should know that you're sitting in my favorite seat in history class. I like to be dead center. Me too, and I didn't think we had anything in common. I've earned the center seat. Besides, if you want to fit in, you probably shouldn't draw attention to yourself. In case you haven't noticed, I like the attention. Chill. Also, I wouldn't hang out with Ella "Never Had a Fella." She doesn't really have your potential, now, does she? Look at her. She dresses like a politician's wife with the hair and the shoes. She's so random. And what about those glasses? They are so   minutes ago. But I'm gonna stop myself before I get nasty. I want to let you know that if you're careful, you could be chilling with us. Chilling with you is what I've always dreamed of. Hey, Ella, wait up! Do you mind if I sit with you? Oh, no, that's fine. This is great. When you eat outside in New York, your food gets dirty. So what's with the Great Santini? She's beautiful. She's popular. She's rich. In kindergarten, she used to bite the heads off dolls. Ew. Who's that guy smiling at us? That's Sam. Sam! Sam, Lola. Lola, Sam. Hi. Hey. It's your first day here, right? Yeah. Well, it's good to meet you. You too. I'll see you later. ''I couldn't possibly have a boyfriend.'' ''I mean, I have to focus on my acting career.'' After three weeks, I'm getting used to the rich part of town. Gated, dull, Armani-ridden. You know, I'm the kind of riffraff they try to keep out. When Stu Wolff sings, "There's something in me that always wants more. More moons and stars and music in the wind," it's as though he's just talking to me. I like Steve. I bet Stu is hard to get along with. You can tell he's sort of moody. Haunted. All true geniuses are haunted. It's part of what they have to suffer for their art. Popovers, ladies. Wow. This is just like eating in a diner. Thank you. Well, surely you have popovers at home. I just popped them in the microwave. My mother doesn't approve of microwaves. She has very strong opinions. I've never heard of anyone taking a stance on an appliance before. Why doesn't your mother like me? She likes you. She just thinks you're a little strange. I mean, you are, a little. Lola! Lola, I'm sorry! It's really your mother she thinks is strange. My mom saw your mother in the supermarket wearing dirty overalls with chopsticks in her hair and arguing with the butcher. It's not important. Not important? She's the woman who gave me life. Whose milk fed my fragile body. Whose blood flows through my veins. Of course it's important. My parents are square. Neither of them is too happy about the fact that your mother has three children and no husband. Single motherhood is a transitory state. Karen used to be married. It could happen again. But I thought you said you were a love child. Well, I was a love child. Mom and Dad were married and passionately in love. My parents were mad for each other as soon as their eyes met. Dad was like a rock star. Mom was a babe. The rest was destiny. They got married. And then they camped in the desert and counted the stars. One million and three. One million and four. Jeez. My parents went on a cruise to Bermuda, but they were afraid to get off the boat. Mine were in love. Deeply, movingly. The only thing that could have made their lives better was having me. Even as an infant I aspired to have a relationship just like theirs. And then the twins were conceived, and we couldn't have been more thrilled. Upon hearing the news, my father mounted his really cool motorcycle to buy the mother of his child and future children her favorite flowers. Suddenly... Aah! They found him strewn across th Avenue. And  th. Lola, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. Ironic, isn't it? Your parents think my mother is the destroyer of our social order. She's merely a victim of fate. What? Nothing. I like the chopsticks in your hair. ''Because Carla Santini thinks she's Julia Roberts'' ''and the universe is interested in everything she says,'' you can't help overhearing her. So I had this really long talk with Miss Baggoli yesterday about the drama club's production of "Pygmalion." I told her I think it's really rigid to stick to the original. Not stick to the original? Not stick to the exquisite words of Mr. George Bernard Shaw? We're not English, and this isn't the  th century, so I think we should adapt the classics to reflect our times. They're classics because they're classic. Then I told her about my idea to move the location to present-day New York and make Eliza a checkout girl. You're gonna be playing Eliza? Well, of course. I've already got the part. When I moved to Deadwood, ''I really felt that a legend was about to be born.'' Was Carla Santini going to stand in the way of that birth? Miss Baggoli, Miss Baggoli! I didn't know "Pygmalion" had already been cast. I would have loved to be Eliza Doolittle. Maybe if I could just prove it to you now. Oh, no, no, Lola. I just put the notice up on the board. Auditions are not until Friday. Thank you, Miss Baggoli. George Bernard Shaw is a great playwright. And he's also a vegetarian. You're just in time, Lola. Quickly. I'm telling all the others about this idea that I have had for our production of "Pygmalion." Now, as you know, "Pygmalion" is a play which takes place in old-timey London. My idea is that we will set our production of "Pygmalion" in modern-day New York. And Eliza will be a checkout girl at a supermarket, And Professor Higgins will be a professor at NYU. That is such a brilliant idea. That's gonna give the play new resonance and immediacy for today. You mean it was your idea? Yes, Lola, it's my idea. I know I'm just a teacher, but I am capable of thought. Now, since we're going hip and modern, I have also added contemporary songs. And I am calling it "Eliza Rocks"! Now, each of you will be singing a song for me of your choice, and then you'll be reading a scene for me. But I haven't rehearsed a song or anything. I'm simply not prepared. That's fine. You can just wing it. But acting is my chosen career. I mean, I intend to be in theater. I don't want anyone remembering a substandard audition. Then how are we to proceed? I guess I'll try, of course. Perhaps you could try now. You could go first. Okay. Take a spot on the stage. Anywhere you're comfortable. Maybe if we're lucky, she'll fall. I'd like to sing a song by my favorite band, Sidarthur. Self-doubt didn't kick in until the morning when I woke up with a heart as cold and heavy as Mt. Everest. ''It was the day the cast list went up.'' ''Why had I been so certain I was going to get the lead?'' ''Miss Baggoli didn't say anything encouraging.'' Carla smiled. Well, look what the wind blew in. Look what the cat dragged in. Ladies. After you. Right. After me. Unh! Ow. Well, once again, I got the part that I wanted. -Oh! -Oh! There are no small parts, only small actors. You can quote me. I'm your new Eliza! Aah! Amazing! I didn't think I'd get it, but I did. I didn't think that, because I knew you'd get it. No, 'cause I was... Actually, my part, the one of Mrs. Higgins, is much more interesting than Eliza's in many ways. I mean, even though she's not the female lead, it's a part with depth and true contemporary resonance. It's the one that I wanted. Good, 'cause that's the one you got. I'll show you what it's like to be in my school. Is that a threat? Absolutely. To "Eliza Rocks"! To "Eliza Rocks"! Oh, man. -Congratulations. -This is the best day. I can't imagine that Carla got beat out! Hey, Sidarthur fans, how about some big news? You heard it here first. The band is breaking up. -What? -Yep, Sidarthur is no more. I repeat, no more. Stu Wolff is moving on and saying, "Never, never, will I work with them again." So, in memory of the band, Iet's hear a track from "Always Morning." No! It can't be! It just can't be! Aah! Aah! Aah! What? What's the matter? I can't breathe. Mom, I can't breathe. I heard. Thanks for being here at a time like this. I don't want to believe it. I made these flyers to hand out to fans urging them to protest. As these balloons go to the heavens, so do the stars of our Sidarthur mix among the stars of our universe. Symbolically, of course. Can you believe this? One of the most catastrophic events in the history of the universe has occurred, and everyone's acting as if nothing has happened. Great. Me again, of course. So, who's next? Me. Are you crazy? Carla's the all-time champion. So? There's gonna be a new all-time champion. I think you've peaked. Hop on. Round one. My father, who, as you know, is the lawyer for Sidarthur, just called me to tell me what he found out about the band. Oh, really? What he told me isn't available to the public yet. Sidarthur's having a farewell concert in New York next month. Daddy already has V.I.P. seats, but that's not the best part. I didn't think it would be. There's gonna be a party afterwards at Stu's loft for all of Sidarthur's closest friends. So I've heard. And guess who already has an invitation? It just so happens that Ella and I do. -Oh, really? -Yeah, really. How'd you manage that? Same way you did. Through parental connections. What connections do you have other than the phone? Winner. Me again. Loser. Game's not over yet. Round two. Actually, my mother has the connections. Marsh Warner bought a piece from her last summer. And Marshie, as I call him, is their manager. I know who he is. He remembered I was crazy about Sidarthur, so he got us invited. Wow, your mom must be some potter. Winner. Me, Lola Steppe. Remember that name. Loser. Awesome! Why did you tell Carla that we were invited to his party? You would have done the exact same thing if you were me. I wouldn't have lied. I would have thought before I spoke. I can't even imagine being you. Carla Santini drives me insane. Don't even say that. Two of her nannies were institutionalized. Not to worry. You just handed her exactly what she needs to ridicule you and humiliate you for the rest of your life, and me, too! I guess it depends, doesn't it? Depends on what? Well, on whether we go. To the concert? In New York? And the party. We haven't exactly been invited. You don't have to be invited to a party like that. There are people in New York that don't go out unless it's to crash a celebrity bash. My mother would never let me go. We can work around your mother, Ella. Tell the truth. Are you partially insane? You know, we have to go. It's a matter of pride. Is there something wrong with the salmon? No, just not very hungry. In too much pain. I'm in pain, too. My tooth's coming out. Oh! It's not that kind of pain. It's pain of the heart. Sidarthur's broken up. They're having one last concert in New York. That's it. They're done. Good night, sweet princes. May choirs of rock angels sing you to sleep. I have no reason to live without them. Let me take a wild guess. You want to go to the concert. If I could just see them play live. I'd have the memory to carry me through the long, empty years that lie ahead, like a road in Kansas. Okay, I don't think that kids and rock concerts are a great mix. How can you treat me like this? I was your firstborn. You leaned over my crib to make sure I was breathing. That's why I want to keep you alive. She wouldn't even stop for the tiniest, most subatomic second to consider my fragile hopes and dreams. What did Ella's mother say? She didn't ask her. She said her mom would bite off a $  acrylic nail if she even brought it up. So I guess that's that. No, I'm not exactly a "que será, será" kind of person. Right. I like your necklace. Thanks. I've had it since I was. It's practically an antique. I like your boots. Thanks. I like your smile. Om. Om. Dinner, Mary, now. I'm on a hunger strike, like Gandhi, driven to desperate measures by the insensitivity of the British government. Not one morsel will pass my lips until you say I can go see Sidarthur. You have got two minutes to get to this table or the insensitive British government is gonna take the door off its hinges and drag you out here. Hello? Om. Come in if you must. Yeah. The thing is, the drama queen has been Gandhi for two days. -I'll take her. -Okay, I will try it. Your dad wants to know if he can take you to the concert. Hi, Dad. Thanks for the invitation, but I couldn't go with my father. I'd die of shame. Okay. All right. -Love you. -Love you, too. Bye. Hello? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay. -Om. -I'll try it. Okay, how about this? Daddy drops you off at the concert and picks you up after. You mean like a little kid being picked up from day-care? Is there no end to the humiliation you want to heap upon me, Mom? We're heaping humiliation. Yeah. Okay. Bye. All right, tonight you are eating. Is Mary going to die? She's not gonna die. But it smells like something has died in here. What is that smell? Okay. That's it. No allowance for one month, and then you're gonna have a parole hearing. But I could really use the money now, Mom. Can't you take it away next month or September? No. It's so cool. I have been looking all over for you two. I knew you'd want to see these. See, they just came in the mail. They've just been printed. Please, you're blocking my view. So, did you get yours yet? Actually, mine came in the mail yesterday, but I'm nice enough not to flaunt them. Why don't you admit you don't have tickets or an invite and get it over with? I'm sure there's gonna be a lot of photographers there. Maybe we can even get our pictures taken together. That's a deal. And you can be in the shot, too, Ella. Absolutely. I'll be there. Really? I guess. I have enough for both of us. I'm gonna pay you back the second I get my allowance reinstated. As soon as I get my first starring role, I'm taking you to Europe. You sure we have enough? Oh, no. Company. Wow, look who's here. I'd stay and chat, but l don't want to stay and chat. She was so mean to Callie Stevens, and her family had to move to Cleveland. Catch you at the concert Friday. That would be a good line if we were going. I don't think something as small as tickets should stop us. Scalpers, Ella. Part of the fun in going to New York is dealing with the slimeball scalpers. If we go, I just know something is gonna go wrong. I'm gonna die, and my parents are gonna find out. And then Mrs. Higgins says, "And what will you do now, dear?" Hi. Hey, Mom. There's gonna be a cast party at Carla "The Bad" Santini's house after the show. Everyone's gonna be really dressed up. It's my big night. I want to look absolutely perfect. Well, the car broke down today. That cost me $. Plus I have to buy a new kiln. So, do you think you could look absolutely perfect in something that you already own? Sure, I'll try and find something. Yeah. Can you believe hours from now we'll be within touching distance from the man who wrote so many great songs, and I still haven't found something to wear? ''What I needed for the concert was a drop-dead-gorgeous dress'' ''that made me look and sophisticated enough'' ''to have a perfume named after me.'' ''This had to be really, really special.'' ''It had to be glamorous, and it had to make a statement.'' ''If I wanted Stu Wolff to notice me, that is.'' Might as well just wear this to see Stu. Nothing else to wear anyway. I'm gonna be the dowdy redhead who doesn't know how to dress. Don't worry, Ella, I'll find something to wear. I mean, accessories are good, too. They'll help me. Don't cry. I can't lie! I can't say I'm sleeping over at your house when I'm not. I can't go into New York behind my parents' backs. I can't do it. We're not really going behind their backs. They're gonna be in the city, just not in the same venue. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. We're supposed to do things like this. -year-olds in other cultures are grandmothers. No one gave them permission to do that. It's not our fault that the people who brought us into this world don't understand that we must fly away from the nest. Nature is telling us to go. And our parents are good people. They love us. Yeah, they love us, right? They really love us. I'm sure they'd hate if anything happened to us. Wait here one second, okay? Don't cry. It's gonna work out. We'll go, and it'll be fun. I can't lie! Mom, it's amazing how sometimes I come to your conclusions. Ella and I could use, as you say, adult supervision. -Uh-huh. -So here's the plan. You drive us to the train in broad, broad daylight. Ella's parents are going to be in New York. They'd be happy to pick us up at Grand Central Station. They'll drop us off at the concert. We'll stay overnight at their hotel. Sounds so safe, I know. I can't believe it came out of my head. Okay, I'm gonna have to talk with Ella's mom and dad. Of course, and when you do it, do it gently. -They know nothing about this. -Mary! And try and remember, we're in suburbia. Yeah, yeah, I know. It wouldn't hurt if you threw in that microwaves aren't that bad. Well, see, Mary feels she really must see the concert. Is that how you feel, sweetie? You must see these Sidarthur people? It's their last performance. Well, why didn't you just ask, pumpkin? I didn't know I could. All right, your mother and l are going into the city on Thursday for a long weekend. We'll pick them up. They can stay with us at the Hilton. Which is down the street from the concert. Well, that would be great. Oh, it's as if the heavens wanted this. Miss Baggoli, someone broke the heel. No! Oh! Girls. Everybody. Listen up. General announcement, everyone. Costumes are sacred. Costumes are sacred. Please. I mean, what does one wear to Stu Wolff's party? There's gonna be so many famous people there. I don't know. I just want to look hot. One wears what one usually wears to these soirees. Oh! Lola! Lola, please! Lola! Lola! Oh, my gosh! Lola! Crime has never appealed to me as a way of life. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I needed Eliza's dress. You don't have to do this for me. I know you said you'd do me a favor. But this one may be too big. Don't worry. I'll be in and out of the drama room in seconds. .    I know it's not like me to be unprofessional, ''but how can I concentrate when Sam is risking his life for me?'' When in   hours' time I'll be standing in front of Stu Wolff? Oof. Wait a minute. No, no. Okay, everybody, that's enough! Excuse me, please! I'm sorry. Maybe you're messing up so much because you're so excited about the concert tonight. No, I'm used to those things. Lola and Carla, do you have to talk? Opening night is in one week. I would think that we could just have one decent rehearsal by now! All right. What I think we'll do now is we'll just breathe. Breathe deep, and try and relax. And another one. Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it. And you all just keep shaking and relaxing. I'm gonna get something I need out of the drama room. No, Miss Baggoli. I'll get it for you. That's all right, Lola. What I need is locked up in the drama room. But on page   of the script is where I want to look down demurely. Lola, get out of my way! Can't we just go back onto the stage? Miss Baggoli, please. Please, just get out of -- Lola, would you please get out of my way? That's odd. Why isn't this locked? Oh, my goodness. Hmm. But I always lock this door. You probably did lock it. We have the same lock at home. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. You never know what's gonna happen. Oh, oh. Okay, nothing seems to be missing. Why would anything be missing here? Well, I have no idea, do l? You know, I just want to talk to you about my lines. I don't know them that well. You don't know your lines? At this time, I don't even want to discuss this. No, I'm not even gonna discuss this right now. Lola, you're just making me so nervous. Well, I need to show you something on the stage. You know what I think? I think that you've just been working so hard, entirely too hard, and that you should just really try and take the weekend off and relax, okay? I've never really relaxed before. There's no reason I can't try. I think you should. I just think you should. Oh, my gosh. I was so terrified. I know. I was about to grab the dress when Miss Baggoli came in. Thanks for trying. Trying? Take a look under the hood. Are you kidding me? Hurry, I don't want to miss the train. Wait for me! I don't believe it. I don't believe you stole Eliza's dress. I didn't steal it. I borrowed it. Borrowed? You mean you asked if it was okay? Well, not exactly. I mean, Sam -- You got Sam to steal it for you? Borrowed it. Sam borrowed it. It'll be back by Monday morning. Oh. Yeah. I'm getting off. I can't go through with this. Ella, don't back out now. Please just let me have one night of pure joy if I'm gonna have to spend the rest of my youth behind bars. This better be one great concert. That's a given. I don't want to get near a scalper. You take the money, okay? Okay. Wow, you look beautiful. You too, Lola. Thanks. Yes, you do. Both of you. Now, the hotel is just a few blocks from the theater. I know. I know my New York. We'll be back in the hotel room at  :. You have your tickets and your money? We have the money. We'll buy the tickets. Oh, here. Thank you. We'll drop you off. I can assure you, everything is gonna be fine. It's just a quiet little concert. Okay, Ella, heads up. March forward. -Get ready to rock 'n' roll. -Girls, please. -Our tickets are at the door. -Okay. Look for someone who's selling tickets. Isn't there a stall or something? No. They're just ordinary people doing ordinary scalping. Watch this. You have to be strict with these people. You have to bargain and deal. How much? $   in orchestra. Can't get any better than that. We'll take them. $   doesn't leave us very much for incidentals. When you get to see Stu Wolff, you don't need incidentals. It's in your makeup bag. Oh, right. What's wrong? Ella, it's not here. My makeup bag's not here. It must be. It has to be. When did you last see it? In the train. I left it behind the sink. Oh, no. Oh. Maybe it's karma. All we have to do is go in with a large group of people. What? You mean sneak in? Sneaking would be beneath us, but I can't think of a better word for what we're about to do. I have never snuck ever. I can't do it. I'm terrified just being here. Stage fright. It'll pass. This is a little tricky, so just follow my lead, okay? I wonder what song they'll do. I hope they do "Love Loser." Oh, I'm so excited! I feel like I've been waiting for this forever. Just a minute. Can I have another look at your ticket, please? Right. My ticket. Sure. You know, it's not here. I must have dropped it or something. No ticket, no concert. I demand to see your supervisor. Yeah? You can see him outside. Come to the door. Come to the door. Okay, go see Stu. Go see Stu. Go see Stu! Okay, stay there. Don't move. I'm coming in. I just have to be with my cousin. She has this rare disease that makes you gag and you can't breathe and then you die. She shouldn't be left alone. She's alone, the one who's gagging and not breathing. I have to be with her at all times. Okay. Good plan. Maybe we should just go to the hotel. What? And miss the concert? Yeah, I don't think so. We're not actually at the concert. We're close. Stu Wolff's only a few yards away from us. And then he'll be at the after-party with us. Your belief system amazes me. Ella, where are you going? Don't leave me! Come back! Ella! Ella, what are you doing? I'm going back to the hotel. So you're just gonna give up? What if everyone gave up, Ella? There'd be no America, no electricity, no TiVo. We'd all have to watch our shows at their scheduled times. We'd never get to see the work of Renée Zellweger or Christina Aguilera. If everyone gave up, we'd all be sitting in mud huts in Europe eating weeds. I didn't say stop progress. I just said, "Go back to the hotel." Don't you want to see the look on Carla's face when we show up at that party? Yeah, I do. Great! Then let's go to Soho. Where in Soho? We don't even know where Stu lives. Sure, we do. I have this. A picture of a door? It's not just a door. It's a black door with windows. Have some faith, Ella. Soho is New York's artistic soul. It's just around the corner. blocks is around the corner? -Ready? -Yeah. Ready? Ohh. There's a man following us. Don't be silly, Ella. The crime rate in New York is going down. Come on. Let's go. There's a man and a dog following us. Okay. Stay here. I'll handle this. New Yorkers know how to handle trouble. Watch this. Hey! Hey! -Dad, what are you doing here? -Your mom called. Asked me to keep an eye on you. She got nervous. Mom was born nervous. So, where are you going? To a party. Not like that. You're all wet. Daddy, nothing can rain on my parade. I like parties. Please, Dad, if you show up, then Stu Wolff will never think I'm cool. Can't you wait outside or something? Right outside. But if I see something even slightly wrong, I'm coming in. You know, I really like parties. Thanks, Dad. And could you lay low? You're scaring my friend. Right. But I'll be watching. Well, he won't be bothering us anymore. So, are you ready to have fun? I hope so. Okay. Good. Yeah! That was the Santini car. Hi! Lola Steppe. Ella Gerard. Nice to see you again. I have to see your invitations. Strange you should ask. We left them at the concert. Our names should be on the list. There they are. Dr. And Mrs. Lawrence? Yeah. My mom and my dad. They couldn't make it. My mom has a rash, and my dad's in surgery. I thought your name was Steppe. Could I just use your phone? I have to call my parents. This is a private residence, not Grand Central Station. Use a public phone. Whoa, whoa! Stu, this is your own party! It's your own party. You don't tell me what to do anymore, Steve. Don't you remember? It's over. Come inside before you embarrass yourself. You touch me... Yeah, remember? He's been trouble all over the world. Thank God he's not our problem anymore. Steve! Steve! I love you. Wait, let me just talk to you for one minute. Except for the garbage and the cars, it's like following Heathcliff on the moors. -Maybe we shouldn't. -Would you please relax? I'd rather lose him than lose my life. -Where do you think he's going? -Someplace great. This for you is great? I'm getting really scared being out here all alone, Lola. We're not alone. We're with an adult. Aside from the fact that he isn't actually with us, he isn't actually an adult. He's a rock star. Mr. Wolff? What? Come with me. Come on. Help me get him out. Oh. Oh. He smells like a backed-up drain. Ella, Ella, Ella. I mean, see the beauty. Oh, my God. He's crying. Do you believe how lucky we are? I almost hear them praying that we don't sit near them. Quickly get him into a booth before anyone smells him. Ah. Ohh. Everybody wants something from me. You think I'm a regular guy. I'm not a regular guy. Do you think anybody really knows who I am? I don't even know who I am. Once we get some coffee in him, he'll become the man of truth, passion, and unflagging courage I know him to be. So, what will it be? Do you think I have any real friends? We'll just have coffee. Not me. I'll have a deluxe hamburger platter, well-done, and a large side of onion rings. You could just give him coffee. He's not really up to a meal right now. I want a deluxe hamburger platter. Is that too difficult? You two better keep him in line. The boss won't stand for any nonsense. What do you want? Autographs? Money? A record deal? Hey, there, girls, do you want something from me? This is a poet who lit your darkest days? Didn't I tell you he was a tortured soul? Stu, do you have any cash on you? We sort of left ours on the train. I knew you wanted money. Look. Nothing. That's not onion rings. Can you believe this? We're actually having coffee with Stu Wolff. I have so much to ask you about your work. It's impossible to talk to someone who's had that much to drink. You know, you just don't understand the artistic soul. He drinks so much to numb the intensity of his feelings. All geniuses do, Ella. I want onion rings. This is a donut! I want onion rings. Now. What is wrong with the service around here? Are we together? Who are you? The fates have sort of brought us together. -This is Ella. -Ella what? Ella Gerard. Birch Hollow Road, Dellwood, New Jersey. -  -    . My parents are staying at the New York Hilton. I don't want to worry them by being incarcerated. It's my mother's birthday. I bought her a rug. Be quiet, Mr. Wolff. You? Lola Steppe. My father's name is Calum Steppe. Address is    Bleecker Street. -  -    . All right, the three of you, sit over there while I make some calls. What's wrong with you? Why did you lie like that to the police? They're gonna find out that your father is dead. What's going on? -Who are you two? -What's wrong with you? You're not afraid of what your parents are gonna say? I'm resigned to what life may bring, but why did you give a false address? You know, Ella, I think your true soul and spirit are finally beginning to emerge. Why did you lie? I didn't lie. My father does live on Bleecker Street. And he has a rent-controlled apartment and a dog named Negus. You told me your father died in a motorcycle accident. So I exaggerated a little. A little? Exaggerating a little is saying you're a little taller. Saying your father is dead when he's not is lying beyond comprehension. Can we talk about this later? We should tell Stu what happened first. You should tell me what happened. Why did you say your father was dead? He died? When? I had a reason. And what was that? The truth? No, a lie will do. Yes, the truth! You do remember what that is, don't you? Were we in a diner? I have an image of "Merry Xmas." Just give me a moment. I'd be happy to explain. Right now I'm talking to her. All right. The total truth. I lied because I wanted to make myself seem more interesting. More interesting? We are     miles from home in a New York police station with a drunken rock star waiting for your dead father to show up. You want to be more interesting? More interesting than what? You know, you just don't understand. It was a new town and a new school. I understand. And I lied for my mom. I had to protect her against suburbia. Your parents didn't get her. So you killed your father? Ella! I would appreciate it if you would just stop talking. Ella, come on. What's going on? Arrest that man! He's a stalker. Ella, Dad. Dad, Ella. Hi. I'm Calum Steppe, her father. What happened? That's what I've been asking. ''As the night continued to fall on the dark,'' ''heartless streets around the precinct,'' ''the six of us gathered around the sergeant,'' and I told our tale. We were desperate to get into this man's concert because I consider him to be the greatest poet since Shakespeare. We lost our money, and we couldn't pay a scalper. Then we tried to crash his party rather than have our dreams forever denied. When he stormed out of his loft, we followed him to make sure he didn't come into any harm. I'm having memory flashes. I was passed out amongst the rubbish. I believe they helped me. I know I should be furious, but it's too late for fury. I'm just thankful nothing worse happened. He looks like the dog in "The Dog Years." He is the dog in "The Dog Years." He's the dog in "The Dog Years"? My niece loves those books. -You're famous! -He's not as famous as you. Molly's not gonna believe I've actually met you. Negus, right? And Calum Steppe, right? Right. We checked your story, and you're free to go. -Excuse me, Mr. Wolff? -Mm-hmm. Can I have your autograph? Oh, yeah, sure. Sure. To Sergeant Rose. Stu Wolff. Right, well, now that that's settled, would anyone like to come to a party with me? I would. You can't stay mad at me forever. Forgive me, please? I am in no way ready to forgive you. This is the party of the century. Don't you want to enjoy it? I'm not really in a partying mood. Look, I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry. You're just saying that to save the evening. No, I'm not. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you. What's going on? Why are you still out here? We just don't feel like going in right now. Well, then. Let me get you back to the hotel. Maybe we can just go in for a little while. Hi! There you are! All right. Listen, how about we get you guys something dry to wear? I'll have those dresses cleaned and sent over to your dad's, who is brilliant, by the way. I think he and l are gonna be pals. Yeah, I bought all his books. Just upstairs. I don't see her, do you? No. Can you believe this? We're in his clothes. And in his bedroom. Come on, Ella. Celebrate with me, please. I want everything to be okay between us. And I do, too. You have to promise that you'll never lie to me again. I do. I promise. I swear, Ella. I do. You promise? I do. Okay. Okay, then. Come on, we're in his room. What do you want to do? I don't know. That is so gross. Carla! Hey, Carla! We've been looking for you. Did you see her face? She looks really angry. I know that look. You know, life can be so randomly beautiful. Come on, girls! Oh, my God! My saviors. Oh, my God. Oh, it's Steve. -It's Steve! -Hang on. Stu, I know you're really busy. I was wondering if I could talk to you. Why not? Be my guest. I can't believe I met you. I mean, I can't believe I'm sitting here with the man who wrote all those songs that made my spirit soar. What were you thinking when you wrote "behind some doors people are waiting to sparkle"? I have no idea. But you wrote it. Life's a little foggy, a little soggy. You know, that really said something to me. I'm sure to a hundred million other girls, but especially to me. I'm happy to oblige a fan. No. I'm not just a fan. I mean, I sat at your feet, metaphorically. When I listen to "Always Morning," I wore a gray jacket because you wore a gray jacket on the CD. You wore gray because it was ambiguous. Am I right? No. I'm right. You look disappointed. Well, I am. In me. Yeah. I mean, I still think you're the greatest thing since Shakespeare. It's just too bad I'll never be able to discuss your poetry with you. Why? Because, Mr. Wolff, you're a drunk. I hope getting this thing back is easier than getting it out. Guess what! I've been grounded. Me too! I'm so proud of you! This is the day I've been waiting for since my first summer camp when Carla told all the kids that if they played with me, they'd die. She's smiling. Oh, she's bluffing. Well, look, I gotta get to class. Tell me how it goes. Come on. Let's watch her sink. Yeah. Yeah, this one. Look at this one. Hey, Carla. Did you have fun? Well, if it isn't the great pretender. Come to hear what the Sidarthur party was like? Why would we want to hear what you have to say? Ella and I were there. Did you hear that? She said they were there. You know, lying's not gonna help you. Everybody already knows that you didn't go. Don't pretend you didn't see us. I know you did. It just so happens Ella and I got in because of Stu Wolff himself after we practically saved his life. Tell them, Ella. I don't have anything to prove, nor do you. Ella, this is no time for your newfound personality. Maybe you'd like to see some pictures from the party, Lola. I know how fond you are of Stu Wolff, and I got some great shots of him. We spent the whole night with Stu. On the night of his biggest party, he left to be with you. You're not gonna get away with this. We were at that party. My dad was there. He and Stu are gonna get together. What dad? You don't have a dad. You said he died before you moved here. I mean, what do you do? Do you just make all this up as you go along? Do you think because we're not from New York that we're stupid? You saw us there. No, I didn't, liar. You know, that's what you are. You're a liar. Your name isn't even Lola, Mary. Ella's right. I don't have to prove anything to you people. You know we were there. Oh, no! She's crying. Look at the baby. Oh. Yo, you got no right to write down what I'm saying. Those are my -- I'm sorry, Miss Baggoli, I can't go on. There's something I have to say. Well, quickly, Lola. Quickly. I have a confession to make. I borrowed Eliza's dress for the weekend. I'm really sorry, but I felt I had no other choice. No choice? Why? I had to wear it to the Sidarthur party. When are you gonna give it up, Mary? No, you didn't. You couldn't have taken that dress because I keep that dress locked up safe in the drama room. There are ways, Miss Baggoli. There are ways. Where is it now? It's right back. It's safe and sound. It looks exactly the same, but somehow different. Can you believe her? I mean, first, she takes the dress. Then, she puts it back. And then she goes to this party where no one saw her. It's true! The dress got all wet. Stu Wolff made me change into something dry. He said it was important that I felt comfortable. Because on the night of his farewell concert, Stu Wolff had nothing better to do than see Mary Steppe dry. Girls, please! He sent it back to my dad in a limousine as big as this stage. A dress in a limousine. Can you picture it? He's also a big fan of my dad and my dad's dog. Then your dog gave him his autograph, right? But I did take the dress! See, Stu Wolff gave me this himself. It's his T-shirt from his tour. Where would I have gotten it? In a junk store where you get everything else. But this is the tissue I used to wipe his tears. Maybe we should send it off for DNA testing. I left my bottle-cap necklace at his house. He told my dad he's gonna Fed-Ex it back. A dress riding in a limousine. I guess that's a good thing because otherwise it would have had to catch a cab. You're funny, Lola. You could be a comedienne. But can we please go back to work now? We have so much to do before Wednesday night. You believe me, don't you? Carla's the one who's lying. We've worked so hard for this production, Lola. And I am not gonna let you ruin it for me. We have all had enough. Have you? Have you finally had enough? ''I sunk into a depression that only Hamlet would recognize.'' ''The one story I'd told that was both probable and possible'' was the one that was true. And yet no one believed me. Maybe you can never win ''against the Carla Santinis of this world.'' ''I'd never felt so totally defeated.'' ''I felt more like a pigeon than a flamingo.'' Mary? Ella's here. Go ahead. I want to talk to you. I don't really feel too well. You can cut the crap. I know what you're doing. What happened to the most polite girl in all of New Jersey? What does it matter anymore? We know we went to the party. We know who we met and what we did. Get up! I can't. I just can't. Has anyone seen Lola Steppe? Has anyone seen Lola Steppe? Lola? You know, I really am sick. I mean, ask my mom. I'm not buying it. You're bailing out of the play. You know, here I am, so sick this could turn into pneumonia, and then I'll be on my deathbed, and you're being accusatory. You can't do this, Lola. Everyone is depending on you. What about your parents and Sam? Sam has never been to a school function in his life. He's only going because of you. Lola! Lola Steppe, my Eliza. Get out of my way. One hour till curtain. What about me? I was miserable until you came to Dellwood. I thought everyone's life was like mine. Doing everything you're supposed to do when you're supposed to do it. Never questioning anything. The only thing I could expect when I grew up was a life like my parents'. And then I met you. You gave me courage, Lola. Because of you, I'm brave enough to be different. Don't touch me! You're a sham! The one thing Carla can't do anything about is you being Eliza Doolittle. You're just gonna hand it to her. Mary, I left word with your dad. Should I call Miss Baggoli? No. I've had a miraculous recovery. I need to be sure. Are you up to this? Up to it? Miss Baggoli, I was born to play Eliza. Get into costume for the opening. Knock 'em dead! Knock 'em dead! It even amazes me that I get everything that I want. Get out of my dress. -As of right now, I'm Eliza. -Get out of my dress! -Enjoy the show. -Thanks. I will. Oh, and get out of my first costume! Five minutes till curtain, people. Five minutes. Get out of my dress. No! Get out of my dress! -No! -Get out of that dress! Ohh! Sorry, Miss Baggoli. I'm so glad to see you. Do you want an ice cream? Hey. You're gonna be great. I'm scared. I'll admit it. But I'm excited, too. Don't be afraid. You're gonna be wonderful, Lola. You called me Lola. You are a Lola. Good luck! Press your bars, children. Yo, you gots no rights to write down what I'm saying. Those are my personal words. Now say "New York." New Yolk. New York. With an "R." New Rolk. You can't talk. Let's see if you can walk. Ugh! They all accepted her because of me. All because of you? I was there, too! I worked hard to make you look good! Well, what will you do now, dear? I will be a teacher because being a teacher is the most worthy thing a person can be. Bravo! Stu Wolff? I don't believe this. Did my father invite you here? No. May I come in anyway? Yes! Yeah, sure, of course. I don't believe this. This is crazy. Lola's father said she would be here. You're here in my house because of Lola? You know what? Why don't you stay here? You stay. And I'm gonna go get her. And I'm gonna go get her. You stay. So I can't come in? Look who came to see me. Hey, guys. Look who's here. Is that Stu Wolff? Look who came to my house. Hey, Ella. I just wanted to say -- Lola! You left this at my place. ''I had pictured this moment in my craziest, wildest dreams.'' ''I guess if you don't dream crazy and wild,'' people like Stu Wolff don't return your jewelry personally. Aah! Come on. It's just a hand. Thanks for showing up. So, how have you been? Sober. I'm in recovery. Again. Someone very sweet told me I was a drunk, and I didn't like it. Sounds kind of harsh. But it woke me up. So, maybe sometime soon we can talk about your amazing music. Just say when. I can say when? Within reason. Would you like to dance? Absolutely. Here's what I learned. ''When you're happy, the whole world's New York.'' And that dreams are important. ''Someday, when you're not even looking, they find you.'' And then there's Sam. He'd been there all along, ''but when I opened my heart to him, I thought,'' ''now that my career is launched, maybe I could have a boyfriend.'' ''It was the first time I realized'' that absolute reality could be so much more fun than fantasy. ''And can you believe all of this happened'' ''in Dellwood, New Jersey, of all places?''