Journey to the Center of Cow

(The episode opens on Chicken wearing a blue dress shirt and tie and with his comb slicked back. Chicken looks full of himself, as he is standing behind the bucket of a catapult. His parents stand by him and the catapult)

Dad: "Chicken, you're eleven now. Mom and I decided long ago that every other male child in our family should learn to operate the food catapult!"

Mom: "That's right, dear." (The camera pans right to Cow wearing a pork butt bib and waiting for her meal.) "So, you wouldn't starve in case we were..."

Chicken: (nervously) "Gone?"

Both: "On vacation!" (They laugh maniacally.)

Dad: "LET 'ER RIP, SON!"

Chicken: "All right, Mr. Pork Butt, up you go onto the catapult!"

(He puts one of the pork butts into the catapult's bucket.)

Cow: "Ooh! Oh, big brother! Oh, I am so proud of you!"

(Chicken pulls on the lever, launching the pork butt towards Cow, who opens her mouth wide.)

Chicken: "Come on, come on..."

(The pork butt lands inside Cow's mouth, as Chicken celebrates his success.)

Chicken: (proudly) "Ee-yeah!

Dad: (chuckling) "Startin' to feel proud here."

Mom: (giggles) "Oh, Dad!" (She swats her foot in her husband's knee to keep him quiet.) "Not in front of the children!"

(Cow swallows the pork butt, as it lands inside her stomach. She belches.)

Cow: "Oh, pardon. I will have another pork butt, señor."

Chicken: "Okay! Pork hiney for the cow! Eat this!"

(As Chicken goes to launch the pork butt, a part of his sleeve gets stuck on the edge of the bucket. He grunts, pushing down on the lever, until he gets launched with the pork butt across the kitchen. Cow opens wide, as Chicken screams in terror.)

Chicken: (praying) "Oh, please. Make Cow shut her pie hole."

(It's too late, as Cow swallows her brother and her second pork butt entirely. Inside Cow, Chicken and the pork slide down through her esophagus. Chicken screams the entire way, until they hit a river of stomach fluid through a digestive tube.)

Cow: "Ooh!" (She wipes the saliva off her lips.) "Oh, wow. Oh, that was great, Chicken." (gasps, noticing Chicken's gone) "Chicken? Moo."

Dad: (nonchalantly) "Hmmm, Cow swallowed Chicken. Well, what are we gonna do, Momma?"

Mom: "We'd better get Cow to Dr. Bottoms, the kids' pediatrician, and fast."

(The scene wipes to Chicken having passed out and laying on a half-eaten hot dog. He then wakes up, groaning.)

Chicken: "'Ey, where the heck am I?" (sees a few foods pass by him) "Weenie? Milk? Cookies?!" (realizes he's inside Cow's stomach) "Oh, geez! I must be in Cow's stomach!" (He pushes up with his arms and sits saddle-style on the hot dog.) "I gotta try and get outta here." (A lollipop drifts to his side, and Chicken grabs it as an oar.) "Ooh, convenient. I don't know where I'm goin', but here I go!" (He paddles down the river.) "Weird." (A bunch of overhead digestive tubes spray him with stomach acid, as he screams in pain.) "STOMACH ACID BURN!" (Chicken then continues paddling down the river. Along the way, plenty of stomach enzymes that resemble Cow pop out of different holes and cracks, creeping out Chicken.) "Oh, great. Cow enzyme guys." (He hears the sound of a banjo playing and sees a hillbilly Cow enzyme strumming away on his banjo.)

Hillbilly Cow Enzyme: "Hey, boy! You got a real purdy beak!" (Chicken covers his beak with his hands. He whines nervously and paddles faster.) "You paddle good, boy! You better paddle real good!"

(The enzyme snickers wickedly, until Chicken comes upon a waterfall.) 

Chicken: (alarmed) "Waterfall!"

(He tries paddling backwards, but the current then sucks him over the falls. Chicken screams and lands on a meatball. At the same time, he is being seen on an X-Ray monitor, as the Red Guy as Dr. Bottoms examines the second of Cow's stomachs that Chicken's inside.)

Red Guy: "Huh?! Oh, this looks complicated." (He flops down on his butt.) "We've got to act quickly!" (A cricket chirps in the background, until he gets an idea.) "I know." (He bounces backwards on his butt and comes to a drawer with a paper gown inside.) "We'll need the paper gown with no back." (He dashes off and puts on the paper gown.) "THERE! That's better." (Cow rubs her stomach.) "Now, for a few TESTS! Huh?" (He grabs a salt shaker and shakes some salt in front of Cow's udders, as Cow is watching him at work.) "Ooohh." (He checks his watch.) "Ooohh." (He rubs his chin.)

Dad: "Hmmm?" (He hears squirting noises from Cow.)

(Red rises up in front of Cow and holds a glass of milk in her face.)

Red Guy: "MILK SAMPLE!"

Dad: (confused) "Uh, Dr. Bottoms, what's that for?"

Red Guy: "Well, I'm thirsty, and your daughter's a cow. DO THE MATH!" (He drinks his milk.)

(Meanwhile, back inside Cow's stomach, Chicken paddles through a forest of vines.)

Chicken: "My little sister, Cow, is fatter than I thought! This stomach is huge!" (Chicken then winds up in a whirlpool.) "AAHHH! WHIRLPOOL! I'm feelin' a little FLUSHED!"

(The whirlpool's current sucks Chicken in. Dr. Bottoms continues watching the whole thing.)

Red Guy: "Ooh, my! Your son is in grave danger!"

Mom: "You mean he's not in Cow?!"

(Red looks annoyed at her question and slides over to a diagram of a cow's digestive system, holding up a pointer.)

Red Guy: "Ooohh. These are a cow's four stomachs." (He points the pointer to the stomachs in each order.) "Your son could be digested by a bunch of enzymes."

Dad: "Is that a bad thing?"

Red Guy: "I see you're a simpleton. THINGS DON'T LOOK GOOD, MOM AND DAD!"

(Meanwhile, Chicken washes up on the shore on the beach inside Cow's third stomach. He leans up on his chest, groaning, and hears feminine voices giggling from nowhere. Chicken sees a quartet of shapely enzyme girls who grab him and treat him like a king on a beach chair. Chicken raises a toast to them with his martini glass.)

Chicken: (satisfied) "Ooh, gee, thanks. You enzymes seem really nice."

(The enzyme girls giggle as a compliment, while the camera cuts back to Dr. Bottoms' office.)

Red Guy: "If the enzymes get your son in the fourth stomach, HE'S DOOMED!"

(Mom and Dad are pouring tears onto the floor as they sob.)

Mom: (sobbing) "Why? WHY?!" (She runs away, crying.)

Dad: (sobbing) "She wants to know. Why? Why?!"

(The camera cuts back inside the third stomach.)

Enzyme Girl #1: "Say, good lookin', a bunch of us enzyme girls was goin' to the fourth stomach. You wanna come?"

Chicken: "Ladies, I is there."

(Dr. Bottoms stands on Cow's stomach, thinking of a solution to the problem.)

Red Guy: "He's not out of the woods yet, but using this state-of-the-art miniature medical camera, we might get an idea OF WHAT WE CAN DO!" (He shoves the medical camera down Cow's throat, where it catches sight of Chicken and the enzyme girls shuffling their way to the fourth stomach with its neon sign lighting up, literally displaying its name. A bunch of Cow bodyguard enzymes stand guard. Red screams in terror.) "Your son is headed for the fourth stomach with enzymes of questionable morals! I'm goin' in."

(Red is dressed in scuba gear and rolls inside Cow's digestive system. At the fourth stomach, Red makes it up to them, just in the nick of time.)

Red Guy: (cont.) "Chicken!" (Chicken looks at him.) "DON'T GO IN! THOSE GUYS ain't girls." (The enzyme girls are offended by this.) "Oh, come with me if you want to live!" (Chicken nods his head no, as Red extends his hand to Chicken.) "Quick! GRAB MY HAND!"

(Chicken changes his mind and grabs Red's hand, until the enzyme girls viciously close in on Chicken.)

Enzyme Girl #2: (snarling) "No!"

(Chicken reaches his hand for Red's hand, desperately.)

Red Guy: "Grab my hand!

Both Enzyme Girls: (viciously) "You're coming with us, Chicken!"

(Red looks at his watch and resumes reaching for Chicken's hand. They snap their jaws at them, until Red and Chicken grab each other's hands, as all four of them start a tug-of-war.)

Chicken: (desperately) "We ain't gonna make it, Dr. Bottoms!"

(Red is able to sling Chicken onto an edge platform of Cow's throat, until he falls down, yelping. Cow reaches to grab Red's hand. Red is unable to hold on any longer.)

Red Guy: "Chicken, I can't make it! I've cracked my gluteus maximus. You're in the prime of your life! Go on without me!"

(Chicken looks at Red one last time and crawls up Cow's throat to survive. Red loses his grip on the edge and falls through the esophagus, screaming. Back in the office, Chicken crawls out of Cow safely and lands on the floor in front of Mom and Dad, naked.)

Dad: "Chicken, you're all right!"

(Cow leans in and hugs him.)

Cow: "Ooh, big brother, I tawt I would never see you again!"

Chicken: (sadly) "Yeah, but that pantsless doctor! Poor guy. He didn't make it."

(Cow, Mom, and Dad all frown and share a moment of silence.)

Mom: (breaking the silence) "Well, you know what that means!"

Dad: "Yep! We'll have to find ourselves a new pediatrician!"

(The whole family laughs maniacally, seemingly forgetting about the disaster. Back inside the fourth stomach, the enzyme girls dance the night away to a disco party, enjoying it, and Red slides in a vest and gold necklace.)

Red Guy: "Ooh! Oh! Ooh, boogie!" (He snickers and spins around in the air, landing on his rear.) "Ooh, me!" (He snickers again.)

(Iris Out)

(Cut to 'End' card)

Red Guy: "End!"

(Black Out)