Really Loud Music

Act I
[The episode begins with Luna tapping her microphone and grabbing her axe, taking a deep breath.] Luna: "Here we go." [Luna hits record on a recording device with a USB flash drive plugged into it and begins playing the intro.] ♫ Rock and roll is running through my veins (hey, hey) Electric soul like wires to my brain (hey, hey) I can't be wrong, don't need direction I can find my way Play it loud, play it loud I got no time for turning it down Play it loud, play it proud I live it, I breathe it Don't tell me I don't need it now Play it loud Sorry, I'm not sorry for being proud Play it loud Turn it up until your speakers blow out Until your speakers blow out Until your speakers blow out Until your speakers blow out ♫ ''[Luna stops the recording and takes out the flash drive. She then climbs up the ladder to her bunk.]'' Luna: "Alright, let's do this." [plugs the flash drive into her laptop and looks up at her Mick Swagger poster on the ceiling.] "Wish me luck, Mick." [plays a video] AMERICA'S NEXT HITMAKER Michelle: "Hey there. I'm Michelle." Doug: "And I'm Doug." Michelle: "And we're the producers of "America's Next Hitmaker"." Doug: "Here's how it works: Submit your original song, and if you make the top five, you'll get to perform before millions on live TV." Michelle: "And if your song gets the most viewer votes, you get a record deal." Doug: "So upload your submission now, 'cause maybe you've got the song the whole world will love." Luna: "You know I do." [She's about to submit her song but stops in realization.] "Wait. The whole world? I mean, I love my song, but will everybody? Maybe I better think about this." ''[Luna then closes her laptop and steps out of her room, scratching her head. Just then, playful music starts playing out of nowhere and Luna turns to see Lana unclogging the toilet in the bathroom.]'' Lana: ♫ A plumber's job is never done Especially in this house I've been dubbed the number one To get the number twos to go down ♫ [Lana flushes the toilet and water overflows making her go up in the air.] ♫ But when life throws me a storm I still sing along To the bang, bang of those pipes That's my kind of song ♫ Luna: [pops her head in] "Killer song, Lans." Lana: [confused] "What song?" Luna: "The one you were just singing." Lana: "I don't know what you're talking about, I wasn't singing. But this baby will be once I've replaced her trip lever." [Luna's now the one confused until she hears some show tune music playing and enters Lola and Lana's room to find Lola in front of her hand mirror.] Lola: ♫ It is hard to make looking this good look easy And it takes a few mistakes to be just right Looking perfect is a gift When I feel meh, I act as if [Pulls out her lip gloss.] A little lip gloss keeps me going all day long ♫ [Lola steps out of her closet.] ♫ When my high heels hit the floor The applause becomes a roar And I hold the last note long That's my kind of song ♫ [Dances with her teddy bear.] My kind Luna: "Sweet performance, Lols. You doing that song at your next pageant?" Lola: "What song? My pageant talent is martial arts right now. Hiyah!" [karate kicks her teddy bear across the room] ''[Just then, an explosion goes off in Lisa and Lily's room and hip hop music begins playing. Luna sees that Lisa is doing another experiment as usual.]'' Lisa: Yippee-ki-yay Yo, yo, yo I make this Bunsen burner start to overflow Mix some dope rhymes with a little H2O My idiom for indium is shine like gold Barium, radium, don't you be afraidium I'm packing the palladium, they'll call it Lisa Stadium Reppin' my hood from coast to coast I'm better than sliced bread, they callin' me burnt toast [Lisa eats a piece of bread as the background returns to normal.] Luna: "Uh, Lis, what you were just doing?" Lisa: "Ah, working per use." Luna: "So, you weren't just rapping." [Lisa shakes her head] "Get it together, dude, you're wigging out!" Lisa: [pushes a step ladder up to her rocker sister.] "Do I detect some psychological distress?" [Luna sadly nods] "I've been known to dabble in the soft sciences." [Gestures to Lily's crib] "Take a seat." [And so, Luna tells Lisa her dilemma in the crib.] Luna: "So, I was about to hit send, but then I wondered, 'Is this the song the whole world will love?' And that's when I started hearing things, Lola singing a show tune, Lana doing her toilet jam." Lisa: "And me spitting sick rhymes about the periodic table. It's clear these aural hallucinations are projections of your inner uncertainty. Your subconscious is flipping between stations, trying to find the right sound for your song." Luna: "Dude, that makes total sense!" [realizes this] "So, what is the right sound?" [Suddenly, Luna hears some smooth music playing and Leni comes up the stairs heading to her and Lori's room as a blue emoji background fades in.] Leni: ♫ Is it a crush? Or maybe it's chemistry Maybe it's all in my head ♫ Lori, look at this thread ♫ Tell me what you see When he IMs my friends, is he trying to get me? ''Look at this one again, what do you think it means? ♫ [Leni suddenly rips off a lab coat.]'' Lori: ♫ He's got to like you for you And your music too Don't want to call it "like" If it isn't true It's online, it's not life And the real world takes time Just to figure out what's right or wrong Throw down that slow jam groove ♫ Lori & Leni: ♫ We got our own kind of song Oooooooh ♫ [As the song ends and the background fading back to normal, Luna observes all of this while holding a notepad.] Luna: "Huh. Maybe that's the kind of song people want to hear, something deep and soulful." [Suddenly, cheerful music begins playing and Luna turns to see their door banging and Luan pops out as a jack-in-the-box.] Luan: ♫ Every now and then, I think the world's a scary place But I remember it looks better with a pie thrown at your face If the glass looks half empty Break off the empty half And use it as a pirate's leg Give everyone a laugh Rubber duckies, wind-up monkeys, six foot leprechauns Well, life's my stage, a laugh parade Yeah, that's my kind of song ♫ Hey, hey! [Luna randomly comes out of Luan's squirt flower and falls to the floor as Luan is riding her unicycle.] Luna: [gets up] "Well, it can't be that one." ''[Now gloomy music begins to play and Luna opens the door to Lynn and Lucy's room to find a casket and the room looking like a funeral as lightning crashes. Lucy opens the casket.]'' Lucy: The universe is empty. And there's nothing to be sure of but darkness. There's no music in the void, so why bother anyway? [Lucy floats out of the casket and grows some humongous bat wings.] ''Embrace the emptiness. Own the futility. The only song worth singing is silence.'' Luna: "Heavy, man. Maybe that's what people will dig, something dark and somber." Lynn: [offscreen] "Lynn-sanity in da house!" ''[Luna turns around to get a basketball thrown at her stomach as she goes flying into the room and landing on Lucy as techno music begins to play. Luna and Lucy look up.]'' Lynn: Get pumped (what!) Get ready (huh!) This beat's about to get heavy (oh yeah!) Rough riders! Olé! That's the sound of me winning all day ♫ I'm a walking trophy, got my beat, got my drums Give me a T-R-O-F-Y ♫ Lisa: I think you spelled that wrong! Lynn: ♫ That's my kind of song ♫ Yeah! [Lynn rips off her shorts to reveal multi-colored sequins.] Alright! Whoo! Lynn: [takes Edwin from Lucy and throws it to the ground, resulting in Edwin's nose breaking off.] "Alright! Up top!" Lucy: "Look what you did to Edwin, you monster." Lynn: "What? You wanna go?" [The two begin to brawl as Luna runs out of the room and down the stairs.] Luna: "Okay, so maybe people want a song that gets the blood pumping. Oh, I don't know, the more I hear, the more confused I get." [Now country music begins to play and Luna sees that her parents are doing the bills in the dining room.] Lynn Sr.: ♫ Darling, keep me company on the rocky road of life ♫ Rita: ''♫ We'll just sing in harmony as the kids all scream, "Be quiet!" ♫ Rita & Lynn Sr.: ♫ So, let's turn up the radio and drive ♫'' [The parents are now in a saloon wearing cowboy outfits as they begin to dance to the music.] Rita: ♫ I'll be out of tune ♫ Lynn Sr.: ♫ I'll be out of time ♫ Rita: ♫ Don't have much to lose ♫ Lynn Sr.: ♫ But we'll be fine ♫ [Luna sees her parents shaking their butts and facepalms herself.] Rita & Lynn Sr.: ♫ We're gonna keep singing loud and wrong Cause that's our kind of song ♫ [The two share a kiss as the background returns to normal.] Luna: "Huh. Maybe a country song is the answer!" [Just as she was about to write that down, electronic music begins to play.] "But of course, here comes another one." [A dance battle video game is shown on the TV and Lincoln and Clyde are dancing to the beat of the song while playing.] Lincoln & Clyde: ♫ And the beat goes on and on Even if we get it wrong Cause friends don't think, they're just in sync Best buds, amigos, the list goes on Can't keep up, can't sing along That's our kind of song ♫ [The song has come to an end as the screen says "Finished!"] Luna: [sighs] "Or... [writes it down] ...maybe that's the ticket, something people can dance to." [goes upstairs] "Unless I should go with a slow jam, or show tunes, or maybe rap. No, country." [groans] "It's hopeless!" ''[Luna hangs her head in defeat and goes to her room, burying her face in her pillow as she lets out another groan. Just then, a pop song begins to play.]'' ♫ The mic drops, we don't stop ♫ [Luna lifts her head up and comes out of her room to see Lily dancing to the song on her radio.] ♫ Pretend the sun's never coming up High tops, tube socks Following the trends even though we'd rather not ♫ Lori: [steps out of her room] "Ooh, I literally love this song!" Lola: [comes out of the bathroom and gasps] "Shut up, so do I!" [Lori and Lola join in.] ♫ Guess it's just whatever (whatever) ♫ [The three sisters lip-sync that last lyric before the chorus begins to play and Luna smiles at this.] ♫ Put your hands in the air like the ceiling ain't there Make this last forever ♫ Lynn Sr.: [as he, Rita, Luan, Lincoln, and Clyde come up the stairs.] "Make a hole! Make a hole! This song is my jam!" ''[They join in and Lynn comes out of her room. She smiles and joins them as well as Lucy comes out next.]'' ♫ There is nothing worse than that guy over there And nothing's better than the best, best, best thing ever ♫ Lucy: "I should hate it...but I don't." [joins in] ♫ Oh oh oh, o-o-o-oh, oh oh oh ♫ Lisa: "Likewise. Curse this inane yet diobolically catchy tune!" [joins in anyway] [The Louds and Clyde are now dancing to the song.] ♫ Friday nights, summer light Just me, my friends and I Top down, peel out (peel out) But I'm yelling at my mom, 'cause I'm still too young to drive (MOM!) ♫ [Luna then hears Charles barking and sees the pets dancing to the song too.] ♫ Guess it's just whatever Put your hands in the air like the ceiling ain't there ♫ Mr. Grouse: [dancing to the song as well] "I love this song!" ♫ Make this last forever Yeah, there's nothing worse than that thing over there (Eww!) And nothing's better than the best, best, best thing ever Oh oh oh, o-o-o-oh, oh oh oh Oh oh oh, o-o-o-oh, oh oh oh ♫ ''[During the second chorus after Mr. Grouse dances, a squirrel dances to the song too, as well as two skydivers, and an astronaut. A radio satellite picks it up and sends it all across the world, to which the people from other countries dance to as well, even some of the Casagrandes. The song comes to an end and the Louds and Clyde cheer to such a great tune.]'' Luna: [finally figures it out] "Dude, bubblegum pop! That's the kind of song the whole world loves!" Lynn Sr.: "What a workout. Who wants Flippees? I'll drive." [The Louds and Clyde then run down the stairs and out the door to Vanzilla.] Rita: "Luna, you coming?" Luna: "You guys go without me. I've got a contest to win." [goes to her room to write a new song] [End of Act I]

Act II
''[Luna taps her microphone and hits record on the recording device once again. This time, she is on her keyboard and takes an exhale.]'' Luna: "Alright, take two." [begins playing] ♫ Clock is ticking Time is running out, every second counts Overthinking I can't turn it off, so I'll tune it out All we know is la, la, la, la, la So might as well just la, la, la, la, la We just want to la, la, la, la, la All day long Everybody loves this, everybody does this I'm just gonna do it too We don't need a new song, we already got one I'm just gonna give you what everybody wants What everybody wants What everybody wants What everybody wants Guess I want it too ♫ ''[The background fades back to normal and Luna stops the recording. She takes out the flash drive and climbs up to her bunk.]'' Luna: "Now that's a song the whole world will love." [plugs in the flash drive to her laptop] "Upload, and submit." [She does so and lays down on her bed looking up at her Mick Swagger poster, crossing her fingers.] "Fingers crossed, Mick, maybe someday I'll be opening for you."

[Later, the Loud siblings are watching TV when they hear Luna scream excitingly as she heads down the stairs.] Luna: "I'M IN, I'M IN, I'M IN!" Leni: "In what, in what, in what?" Luna: "America's Next Hitmaker! I just got an email saying my song made it to the top five!" [Luna's siblings rush over and hug her cheering for her success and their parents enter the scene.] Leni: "We knew you could do it!" Lincoln: "Is it the song you've been playing for the last couple of days?" Leni, Lynn, Lana, and Lola: "♫ Play it loud, play it loud / I got no time for turning it down ♫" Luna: "Actually, I submitted a different one. I really want to win this contest, so, I needed a new song the whole world would dig." Lynn: "Well, looks like you nailed it." [chest bumps Luna to the floor.] "Way to dominate." Luna: [gets up] "Thanks, dude, but watch the diaphragm. I still got to sing."

[Later, Luna enters the theatre of where "America's Next Hitmaker"is and walks towards the stage, admiring it in it's glory.] Luna: [amazed] "Whoa. Rad." Michelle: [offscreen] "Ahem." [Enter Michelle and Doug] Doug: "Excuse me. I think you might be in the wrong theatre. The auditions for "So You Think You Can Head Bang" are down the street." Luna: "No, dudes, I'm here for "America's Next Hitmaker". I'm Luna Loud, one of the finalists. ♫ All we know is la, la, la, la, la ♫". [The two recognize the tune and are happy.] Michelle: "Ooh, love it! But you're not exactly what we expected." [Luna grows shocked to hear that.] Doug: "Yeah, your look is...interesting, but it doesn't really fit with your song." Luna: "Oh, I-I was just trying to write something the whole world would love." Michelle: "Great attitude. That's what this is all about." Doug: "So, now that you've got the song covered, let's make you into a girl the whole world will love." Luna: "Uh..." Michelle: "Nothing crazy, just a couple little tweaks. [Luna looks down at her threads.] Sometimes in the music biz, you gotta play the game to get the fame." Doug: "You do want the fame, don't you?" Luna: "Well, sure." Michelle: "Then, trust us." [Doug flips the lever for the stage lights.] Michelle: ♫ We've got a lot work to do and not a lot of time ♫ Doug: ♫ Don't worry, dear, just sign right here Don't read between the lines ♫ Michelle: ♫ That's not supposed to fit that way ♫ Doug: Your hair, your boots, your clothes, oy vey! Michelle & Doug: ♫ We know what to do We'll just fix a thing or two ♫ Or three or four or five ♫ We love you, you're Luna, now change You're destined for fortune and fame There's so much room for improvement We love you, you're Luna, now change And we know it might feel wrong But if you just play along ♫ Michelle: ♫ Everybody's going to ♫ Michelle & Doug: ♫ Love what you've turned into We love you, you're Luna, now change It's all how you play the game All big stars could use improvement We love you, you're perfect We love you, you're worth it! We love you, you're Luna ''Now change! ♫ [During the last chorus, they fit Luna into several outfits until finally settling on a young pop girl outfit. Cut to Luna walking back to her house in her new outfit and opens the door to find her siblings on the couch.]'' Leni: [not knowing it's Luna.] "Hey, Lola." Luna: "Dude, it's me, Luna." [The siblings gasp] Lola: [filing her nails] "Learn to take a compliment, sweetie." Lincoln: "Luna, what happened to you?" Luna: "Nothing. The producers just made a few tweaks." [sneezes] Lori: "A few tweaks? You are literally unrecognizable." Luna: [scoffs] "Give me a break, dude." [Enter Rita and Lynn Sr.] Rita: [also not knowing it's Luna.] "Oh, hi. Rita Loud. You must be one of Lori's friends." Luan: "Mom, it's Luna." [The parents gasp] Luna: "Chill, guys, sometimes in the music industry, you gotta play the game to get the fame." [goes upstairs]

[Luna is in her room looking at her Mick Swagger poster.] Luna: "They just don't get it, Mick." Mick: "Don't worry, love, I do." [Luna is surprised her poster came to life.] "This is a tough business. Only one in a million makes it. You gotta do what you gotta do. Besides, it's not like you're selling your soul." Luna: "Right! That's what I'm saying." Mick: "You're still you. You're still Luna Loud." ''[Luna smiles with hope. But back at America's Next Hitmaker...]'' Doug: "Sorry, you're no longer Luna Loud." Luna: "Excuse me, brah?" Michelle: "We did some pre-show testing, and the name Luna Loud just doesn't say girl the whole world loves." Doug: "But your new one does." [Michelle takes Luna's axe away and straps on a new kind of guitar with a name on it, and that name is...] Luna: "Lulu?!" Doug: "Yup, just Lulu. Isn't it fabulous?" Luna: "This doesn't even have strings! How am I supposed to play it?!" Doug: "Oh, honey, you don't need to play, or sing. You just have to lip-synch." [Luna is in denial shock.] Michelle: "Almost showtime. Break a leg, Lulu." [She and Doug walk away.] Luna: "Wh-wh-what?" [Realizing the situation she's been put into, Luna puts the guitar down, then looks at her reflection in the mirror as ballad music plays in the background.] Luna: ♫ Who is that in the mirror? Looking back, I don't know her But she reminds me of someone I knew Someone real, with imperfections I can't deal no direction Lost the map, where it was leading me to But maybe I was standing there all along ''What have I done? Is it too late? Trying to be someone I'm not, now I'm someone I hate For a moment in the spotlight, then it's gone What have I done? What price have I paid? It ain't worth it no more, it's material made I just want to be right back where I belong What have I done? What have I done?'' Every note rearranged Every word is someone else's Till I'm left with the ghost of a girl I gave in and I regret it Gave too much but now I get it Changed myself and lost my way to change the world Maybe I can still rewrite that song ''What have I done? Is it too late? Trying to be someone I'm not, no, I won't be replaced With a moment in the spotlight, till it's gone What have I done? What price have I paid? No, it's not worth it no more, it's material made I just want to be right back where I belong What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? ♫ [Michelle and Doug are talking to the stage manager.]'' Michelle: "And then we'll fire the glitter cannons." Doug: "Focus groups love the glitter cannons." Luna: [enters] "Uh, Doug, Michelle? I've been doing some thinking, what if we made a few more tweaks?" [Michelle and Doug carry in a wardrobe set, a hairbrush, and a hairdryer.] Michelle: "Mmm, what do you have in mind?" Luna: "Well, how about if I actually perform the song, and I do it in my regular clothes, and I keep my name." Michelle: "Sweetie, those are a bit more than tweaks." Luna: "I know, but-" Doug: [stern] "Let me break it down for you: You go on as Lulu, or you don't go on at all. Are we clear?" [Luna nods and looks down ashamed.]

[That night at the stage, thousands of people are in the audience tonight, and of course, Luna's family.] Doug: "Our next contestant hails from Royal Woods, Michigan." Lynn: "Whoo!" [nudges Lucy, who is clapping] "It's Luna!" Doug: "Please give a warm welcome to Lulu!" [The curtains draw back to reveal Luna, as Lulu, and smiles nervously to the audience, much to the confusion of the Louds.] Luan: "Lulu?" Leni: "I'm so embarrassed. I've been calling her Luna all these years." ''[Luna steps up to the microphone and looks down at her stringless guitar and Michelle and Doug signal her to go on and perform. Luna looks at her family and finally decides what she must do.]'' Luna: "Sorry, I've made a huge mistake. [tosses the guitar away] "This isn't me. I'm not Lulu, I am Luna Loud!" [She takes off the wig and throws it out into the audience.] Lola: [snatches the wig] "MINE!" [Luna draws back the curtain to reveal a bunch of speakers and is now back to the Luna Loud we all know and love as she begins playing the intro for "Play it Loud". Michelle and Doug are in aghast.] Luna: ♫ Rock and roll is running through my veins (hey, hey) Electric soul like wires to my brain (hey, hey) I can't be wrong, don't need direction I can find my way [Chunk appears playing the drums] Play it loud, play it loud ♫ [Michelle and Doug shake their fists in anger. The crowd is loving it and her family are cheering her on.]  ♫ I got no time for turning it down Play it loud, play it proud! I live it, I breathe it Don't tell me I don't need it now Play it loud! Sorry, I'm not sorry for being proud ♫ [Lincoln and Luan signal the stage manager to turn it up and he happily does so.] ♫ Play it loud! Turn it up until your speakers blow out ♫ Michelle: [angry] "You're disqualified!" ''[Luna just shows that she doesn't care and continues to rock out. Michelle and Doug look at each other, nod, and walk off. Out in the audience while dancing with the crowd, Lynn and Lana take notice of this.]'' Luna: ♫ First things first, I ain't no second place Rules are meant for bending till they break Right or wrong with no exceptions Rocking out my way ♫ ''[During the second verse, Michelle and Doug see the plugs for the speakers and attempt to go for them. Seeing this, Lynn and Lana nod to each other, go up to the stage, and the two sisters blast them with the glittery cannons.]'' ♫ Play it loud, play it loud I got no time for turning it down Play it loud, play it proud! I live it, I breathe it Don't tell me I don't need it now Play it loud! Sorry, I'm not sorry for being proud Play it loud! Turn it up until your speakers blow out Until your speakers blow out ''Until your speakers BLOW OUT! ♫ [The crowd cheers at such an amazing performance and Luna turns to see that Michelle and Doug are on the ground wrapped in the curtains from the aftermath of the cannons.]'' Doug: "Do you know what you've just given up?!" Luna: "Yeah, but I know what I'm keeping. The real Luna Loud!" [Luna faces the crowd as they cheer her on and she winks to the viewers.]