Ferb Latin

(Scene opens in the backyard at the Flynn-Fletcher house)

Lawrence: Goodbye boys, have a great day, I'm off to work.

Phineas: Goodbye dad, have fun buying from auctions and private sales performing minor refurbishments to the purchase items, marking up the price and then selling them to your customers!

Ferb: (To the camera) Our dad sells antiques.

Phineas: You know Ferb, it's strange how we wave our hands when we say goodbye. It seems so arbitrary. Why don't people jump up and down or stick out their tongues, or slap their thighs?

(Ferb makes a gesture)

Phineas: Well, if by that you mean we should create a whole new form of communication, then I couldn't agree more! That was some nice gesturing, Ferb. Do some more!

(Ferb does more gestures)

Phineas: Ah. I...know...what...we're...going...to do...spatula! Oh, today...I really should have known that from the context.

(Ferb does more gestures)

Phineas: Oh, here's another one! Hey...where's...spatula! Oh, context again...

(Cut to Perry walking into the bathroom, presses a red O.W.C.A. button, and Major Monogram is shown in the mirror.)

Major Monogram: Ah Agent P. Sorry I'm running a little late this morning. Our satellites haven't picked up any Inator activity coming from Doofenshmirtz, but that's no indication that he isn't up to something. We want you to get down there and have a little look-see. Good hunting Agent P.

(Perry runs out and Monogram puts on aftershave and then screams in horror.)

(Cut to the boys in the backyard writing on whiteboard while Candace looks on from inside the house)

Phineas: Finally when someone sneezes rather than say gesundheit, just play flugelhorn and give him your left shoe. I think we nailed down the non-verbal cues. Now let's look at the syntax!

Linda: Candace? What's wrong, honey?

Candace: Mom, they're doing stuff out there!

Linda: (looks at the boys) Candace, they're just writing on a whiteboard.

Candace: Yes, that's it, they're plotting. And you know what that leads to. Implementing-guh!

Linda: Candace, you need to lighten up a little. Take it easy. Do you know what I do to relax?

Candace: You eat some pie and then laid down on that old sensory deprivation tank we keep in the basement.

Linda: That's right! Would you like to try it?

Candace: Um, I'm gonna go with no, but thank you.

Linda: Well you should still try to relax.

Candace: Mom, I don't need to relax, I need to bust Phineas and Ferb.

Linda: Well listen sweetie, you said so yourself, they're just plotting, right? That gives you plenty of time to go to the mall before they start implementing-guh. (makes hand gestures)

Candace: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense! Maybe—Hey, wait a second, are you making fun of me?

Linda: Maybe just a little. (leaves)

Candace: She's right, I probably have plenty of time to go to the mall!

(Cut to backyard)

Phineas: Okay, Ferb, let's start implementing!

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

(Perry flies in. Doofenshmirtz and Norm are standing there.)

Doofenshmirtz: (adjusting something on Norm's back) Just one more bolt right behind- (Perry) So, Perry the Platypus, we meet again! But this time, the advantage is mine... (to Norm) Hey, what are you waiting for Norm, we rehearsed this like a thousand times! I say "Ah, Perry the Platypus, we meet again, only this time the advantage is mine", you go and get him!

Norm: Going and getting!

Doofenshmirtz: (writing) Note to self, say the --- for replacing Norm's head. (Norm captures Perry in a bag) Okay, much better (to Perry) this is a good look for you!

(Cut to backyard, Isabella enter to find Phineas and Ferb with Baljeet and Buford.)

Isabella: Hi guys. Whatcha doin'?

Phineas: Erb-Ferb Atin-Lerb!

Isabella: Oh, creating a whole new form of communication today, are we?

Phineas: Yeah, what do you think?

Isabella: Sounds fun! What do you call it?

Phineas: Ferb Latin! Where you take the first letter of every word, move it to the end, and then you say erb! So Ferb becomes erb-ferb, and Latin becomes atin-lerb! Two letter words stay the same, like or stays or. All the fun of Pig Latin, and it's safe for vegetarians to use!

Isabella: Oh, Phineas, I think your new language is onderful-werb!

Phineas: By Jove, I think she's got it! But there's also a lot of non-verbal cues! For example, if you wanna say okay, you reach for the sky!

Buford: Yeah! And when you're hungry, you crack your knuckles! (cracks knuckles) Oh, baby, that's good...

Phineas: And if you smell something bad, you do jazz hands!

Baljeet: (to Buford) Stop looking at me, I'm not going to do jazz hands! Even though you have totally earned it...

Isabella: How do you say goodbye?

Phineas: When you say goodbye, you blow a raspberry! (blows a raspberry) Let's all do it!

(Everyone starts blowing raspberries, including Irving who only pops his head a moment. After a while, they stop and Phineas chuckles and sighs. Then there's a long pause and they all start again.)

(Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)

Doofenshmirtz: I bet you're wondering where my Inator is, right? C'mon, guess? Guess, no? No? Can I get a play-Oh alright ergh alright. Don't play. It's Norm!

Norm: Let's hope there's no self-destruct button on this one!

Doofenshmirtz: You've always had one, Norm. I just never told you where it was so you wouldn't pick at it!

(Norm's eyes grow bigger and his mouth falls off)

Doofenshmirtz: And stop interrupting me! Anyway, I've done a lot of research for the past... you know, few hours... and I, and I found that most people will believe anything they read! And I know it's true, 'cause you know... I read it online somewhere. So, my new weapon to take over the Tri-State Area is... propaganda!

Norm: Propaganda consists of messages that dishonestly attempt to influence the attitude of a community!

Doofenshmirtz: Thanks for that, Mr. Norm-It-All. I've installed a switch back here that prints out propaganda leaflets. All I have to do is speak my evil messages into this microphone, err let's see... eh, "slap yourself"! Push this button and, whatever I say (presses button and leaflet comes out) comes printed out on a leaflet. It's gonna work! I'm using a very convincing font. It's bold and it has a lot of serifs!

Norm: Serifs are semi-structural details that...

Doofenshmirtz: (cuts off Norm) Oh, for crying out loud, Norm! Listen, here's a buck, why don't you go get out of here and get a haircut or something!

Norm: Out I go! (Going with Perry still in hand)

Doofenshmirtz: Uh, Norm, take the dollar and leave the platypus.(He hands Norm the dollar, who puts Perry on the floor then walks out right through the wall) And when you come back use the door! (to Perry) He gets that from you, you know. Anyway, my plan is to fly Norm all over the Tri-State Area and drop leaflets, then everyone will do my bidding!

(Doofenshmirtz looks at the leaflet and slaps himself)

Doofenshmirtz: Man, that really is a convincing font.

(Cut to Phineas and Ferb and their gang walking to an ice cream stand)

Ice cream guy: Hi, kids, what'll it be?

Phineas: Ocolate-Cherb.

Isabella: Awberry-Strerb.

Baljeet: Anilla-Verb.

Buford: Emon-Lerb.

Ferb: Erry-Cherb.

Ice cream guy: Are you kids from outta town?

Phineas: No no no, we're speaking Ferb Latin! You move the first letter to the end of the word then add erb! One and two letter words stay the same.

Ice cream guy: Oh, I get it! Ocolate-Cherb is chocolate, and anilla-verb is vanilla!

Woman #1: Ooh, at's-therb ute-cerb.

(The kids leaves with their ice creams while blowing raspberries)

Woman #1: Did..that mean goodbye?

Ice cream guy: I'm gonna borrow it.

(Cut to Candace at the mall)

Woman #2: Are you having trouble relaxing?

Candace: A little...

Woman #2: Try our new liquid massage. This isn't your mother's sensory deprivation tank. A few minutes in here will change your world!

Candace: Alright, strap me in!

(Cut to Norm having a haircut)

Barber #1: Ice-nerb adge-berb.

Customer: Es-yerb it is.

Norm: Hey, what's that language they're speaking?

Barber #2: That is Ferb Latin!

Norm: I like it! And intend to use it whenever I can. Tell me how it works.

(Cut to the gang walking down the street. They all click their tongues then blow raspberries to someone. They approach a TV news-anchor and a cameraman.)

Gordon Gutsofanemu: Hey, I hear you kids have invented a new language. Tell us all about it!

Phineas: Sure, follow me!

(Song: "Ferb Latin")

Phineas: You take the first letter of every word

You move it to the end and then say '-erb'

It's like we're adding a phonetic caboose to it

Don't get confused, just get used to it

Isabella: Whenever someone sneezes,

You no longer say "bless you"

Instead you play a flugelhorn

And give him your left shoe

Phineas, Isabella: Whenever you meet someone on the street

Don't shake their hand, just stomp your feet

And your conversation won't be complete

Until you give him a big slab of meat

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Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, Buford: So those are the rules and we hope you enjoy them

We're sure to be adding a few

As new customs evolve, well, we hope you employ them

But for right now here's what you should do...

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(Note: Lines in blue are sung simultaneously.)

(Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)

Norm: (Norm uses the door but smashes through the door and causes damage to the walls) I'm ack-berb!

Doofenshmirtz: (Annoyed that Norm still caused damage using the door) Oh, great. Nice haircut, by the way. Where's my change?

(Norm pours dozens of coins out of his mouth)

Doofenshmirtz: You're a weird robot, Norm.

Norm: Ank-therb ou-yerb!

Doofenshmirtz: What is that, Swedish? You better not be broken, Norm. You still need to fly around the city distributing leaflets.

(Doofenshmirtz starts rewiring Norm's cables)

Doofenshmirtz: Well as long as you still remember the code for take-off...

Norm: Aunch-lerb?

Doofenshmirtz: No, it's not "aunch-lerb", talk normal. It's launch, launch!

(Norm takes off)

Doofenshmirtz: NO, WAIT NOT YET! AAAAH!

(Perry manages to get himself out of the bag and leaves)

(Cut to mall)

(Woman helps Candace out of the tank)

Candace: Hmm, I must have fallen asleep... Wow, am I relaxed...I wonder how long I was out?

(Candace walks up to a woman)

Candace: Excuse me, what time is it?

Woman #3: Ee-threrb enty-twerb.

Candace: Uh, what?

Woman #3: Ee-threrb enty-twerb.

Candace: My ears must be over-relaxed.

(Candace walks outside to find everyone speaking Ferb Latin. She get hit by a street sign.)

Candace: What? (reading street sign) Ain-merb reet-sterb?

(A man walks up)

Man #1: Cuse-exerb e-merb?

Candace: Excuse me?

Man #1: Ublic-perb estroom-rerb?

Candace: I'm sorry, (does jazz hands) I no speak-erb your lang-werb...

Man #1: Azz-jerb ands-herb? I ell-smerb?

(The man walks away crying)

Candace: What is happening here? All I did was go like (does jazz hands again.)

(A kid blows a raspberry)

Candace: What is this?

''(A girl cracks her knuckles and a chef comes to bring her some pie.)

Candace: I am losing it!

Gordon: (on TV) And how did this latest cultural craze get started? We talked to the creators.

Candace: (runs around the corner) This whole town has gone crazy! Phineas: (on TV) Ferb Latin isn't just a language, it's a way of life! (Candace turns around to see that Phineas and Ferb is on TV)

Candace: Ferb Latin? I should have known Phineas and Ferb were behind this! (to the boys on TV) You are so usted-berb!

(Candace dials a number and Linda picks up her phone while lying in the tank)

Linda: What is it Candace? (Candace asks something) No, I don't know what Ferb Latin is. (sighs) Give me fifteen minutes.

Lawrence: (from inside the tank) Uh, dear, as long as you're getting up, could you get me some more pie?

(Cut to Doofenshmirtz and Norm flying all over the city)

Doofenshmirtz: Not yet, you hunk of junk! (sees Perry unloading Norm's fuel) Perry the Platypus, how did you get- (Perry jumps off and opens his parachute) Curse you, Perry the Platypus!!

Norm: We're oing-gerb own-derb!

Doofenshmirtz: Knock it off with the babble talk, I can't stand it! (Doofenshmirtz stomps down several times on the button) TALK NORMAL!

(Leaflets are printed out with "Talk Normal" written on them) Oh, great. That was not the message I wanted to deliver to the people of the Tri-State Area! (A couple catches one)

Steve: Talk normal. Huh.

Ann: Yeah okay I'm convinced.

(Cut to Candace dragging Linda)

Candace: Mom mom mom! Come with me. Phineas and Ferb created a new language and everybody's speaking it, and now we can't understand anybody! Watch this! What time is it?

'''Woman #2' Twenty minutes since the last time you asked me.

Candace: What? You there! Talk!

'''Man #1' I don't think we have anything to say to each other! Not after the... jazz hands!

(Walks away crying)

Linda: Wow, he must really hate jazz hands.

Candace: I don't get it! Everybody was blowing raspberries and speaking this crazy language!

Linda: Look who's here.

(They notice the boys and walks up to them)

Candace: PHINEAS AND FERB! Alright, you two, what do you have to say for yourself?

(Phineas is about to speak, but he catches a leaflet and reads it)

Phineas: Look at that! Now, that's a convincing font.

Candace: Mom...they...I mean...em...

Linda: You remember that whole stress relief thing I mentioned earlier? You might wanna look into that.

(Cut to Norm and Doofenshmirtz, who have crashed into the road.)

Doofenshmirtz: Well, that could've gone better.

(As Norm prints out one more leaflet, Doofenshmirtz catches it, reads it and slaps himself again)

Doofenshmirtz: Not funny, Norm.

End Credits
(The gang blows raspberries to someone. They approach a TV news-anchor and a cameraman.)

News-anchor: Hey, I hear you kids have invented a new language. Tell us all about it!

Phineas: Sure, follow me!

(Song: "Ferb Latin")

Phineas: You take the first letter of every word

You move it to the end and then say '-erb'

It's like we're adding a phonetic caboose to it

Don't get confused, just get used to it

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(Note: Lines in blue are sung simultaneously.)