Crying

This article is a transcript of Beavis and Butt-Head episode, "Crying" from season 8, which aired on October 27, 2011, along with "Werewolves of Highland".

Plot
[Beavis and Butt-Head are watching The Bachelor]

TV - Megan, you've meant so much to me these past few weeks. This has been so much harder than I thought it would be.

Butt-Head - What a wuss!

Beavis - Yeah, really. How come chicks are into this dude, anyway?

TV - And going fishing with your dad was the first time I've been able to relax during this whole thing.

Beavis - Wuss. Aah! [finds an onion from his chili dog] What is this? Hey, Butt-Head, um, somebody put, like, a vegetable or something in my chili dog. I think it's an onion. [sniffs]

TV - Megan, I'm sorry, but I won't be giving you a rose this evening. [sobbing]

Butt-Head - Tear-Jerker.

[after Beavis has sniffed an onion]

Butt-Head - Whoa! You're crying!

Beavis - [pretending to cry] What, no I'm not!

Butt-Head - You're crying like a girl!

Beavis - No way! I am not! Dammit!

Butt-Head - You're moved.

Beavis - I am not moved! Shut up! I don't know what it is.

Butt-Head - This is amazing!

[a clip from True Life plays]

[Beavis and Butt-Head go out for a walk]

Butt-Head - So, like, yesterday, you were crying!

Beavis - [feeling angry] SHUT UP, BUTT-HEAD! I was not. Damn it.

[the scene cuts to school]

Mr. Van Driessen - That's why so many readers find Atticus' speech so moving. It's one of the-

Butt-Head - Uh, Mr. Van Driessen? I bet Beavis was really moved by it.

Beavis - Cut it out, Butt-Head.

Butt-Head - 'Cause yesterday I saw him crying.

Beavis - No, I wasn't! I was not!

Mr. Van Driessen - It's okay to be touched, Beavis.

Butt-Head - Yeah, Beavis was touched.

Beavis - SHUT UP! [pounding on the desk] I was not crying, Butt-Head!

[the scene cuts to the lunchroom]

Stewart - Hey, guys, what's up?

Butt-Head - Uh, hey, Stewart, have you heard the news?

Beavis - Shut up, Butt-Head.

Stewart - No. What?

Butt-Head - Beavis was crying.

Beavis - SHUT UP! I WAS NOT! I was not crying. I wasn't. Something happened to my eyes. It was, like, that onion.

Butt-Head - Uh, attention, everyone. [everyone looks at him] Beavis was crying.

Beavis - Damn it, I was not crying!

[fade to black]

[a week later]

Beavis - Hey, Butt-Head. Heh. Remember that movie where that from Sex and The City was, like, a mannequin?

Butt-Head - Uh, yeah.

Beavis - I was just thinking, like, um, that would be cool if, like, um, a hot mannequin, like, came back to life and

Butt-Head - Damn it, Beavis, quit changing the subject. You were crying.

Beavis - STOP IT! SHUT UP!

Butt-Head - It's okay to be touched, Beavis.

Beavis - DAMN IT, SHUT UP!

Butt-Head - Wuss. [leaves]

Beavis - I WAS NOT CRYING! BUTTHOLE! [leaves]

[a month later in gym class]

Coach Buzzcut - You will climb the rope, touch the ceiling, and descend, all within 30 seconds! Are there any questions?

Butt-Head - Uh, I have a question. What happens if Beavis starts crying?

Beavis - [angrily] Agh! I was not crying! I was not crying! I'm gonna kick your ass! [he starts beating up Butt-Head, but Coach Buzzcut makes him stop]

Coach Buzzcut - Beavis!

Butt-Head - You were crying.

Coach Buzzcut - You will beat the crap out of Butt-Head on your own time!

Butt-Head - Don't yell at him too hard. He might start crying.

Beavis - Let me go! Hey! I'm gonna kill you!

Butt-Head - Here come the waterworks.

Beavis - Let me at him!

Butt-Head - It's okay, Beavis.

Beavis - Ah, damn it!

Butt-Head - It's all right to cry. Crying takes the sad out of you.

Beavis - Damn it!

Butt-Head - Wuss.

Beavis - Agh, I was not crying!

[fade to LMFAO featuring Natalia Kills – "Champagne Showers"]

[80 years later, the duo are seen at a retirement home]

Old Lady - My biscuits. Who ate my biscuits?

Nurse - I don't know.

Butt-Head - Hey, Beavis.

Beavis - Huh? What?

Butt-Head - You were crying.

Beavis - I was not. I was not crying.

[Butt-Head dies shortly afterward, much to Beavis's delight]

Beavis - I'm serious. I was not crying, Butt-Head. I'm not crying now either. [pushes him with his wheelchair] Butthole.

[closing credits]