Sergeant Weenie Arms

Flem: Well, ain't it just a lovely day?

Chicken: Oh, yeah!

Flem: RAAAHH! No one can stop Marion the Sailor! RAAAHH! Crash!

Chicken: No one except Action Abe Lincoln! With kung-fu lips.

Flem: Take this, Lincoln!

Chicken and Flem: (make fighting noises, screaming)

Chicken: Feel my wrath, sailor boy! Hee-yah! I got yas!

Flem: No way!

Chicken and Flem: (grunting)

Cow: Hello, sailor. Oh, hello, Mr. Lincoln. Would you care to join me for tea?

Chicken:  Hey, Cow.

Cow: Yes, big brother?

Chicken: Do you know what dis is?

Cow: Oh, that's your dolly.

Chicken: No, dis is a action figure, and action figures don't drink tea. SO, BEAT IT!

Cow: (moos sadly)

Chicken: Hey! It's Earl! What's up, Earl?

Earl: Look what I got for my birthday!

Chicken: IT CAN'T BE! OH, MY GOSH! IT'S THE NEW SERGEANT WEENIE ARMS ACTION FIGURE!

Flem: With neutron bomb, flank steak, and night-vision goggles!

Chicken: Hey!

Flem: Y'all know what I heard? I heard that Sergeant Weenie Arms is real; a real guy!

Chicken: Nah, I heard he's just your dad dressed up in a costume.

Earl: No way! The back of the package says he is real! It also says we can meet him and become full-flegded Weenie Marines! All we gotta do is dress in official weenie trooper action gear, and go to Dead Skull Cave, and read the Weenie Chant!

All: Dead Skull Cave!

Chicken: Dis is so scary! Dis looks like the place! Let's get to work!

Earl: Now, I shall recite the Weenie chant. Uh, Klaatu Barada Weenum!

Chicken: Gimme dat! You is reading it wrongly! Clam toe, navel lint, weenum!

Earl: Hey! Flem's weenie is upside down!

Flem: (giggles)

Chicken: Alright, one more time! Clam toe, booger ball, weenum!

All: SERGEANT WEENIE ARMS!

Sergeant Weenie Arms: BOYS, FALL IN! All right! I'm gonna turn you fashion models into WEENIE MARINES! Now, GET DOWN ON YOUR FAT LITTLE BELLIES AND GIMME 20!

Chicken: D'oh, this is so cool!

Flem: (grunting)

Earl: Yeah, cool!

Sergeant Weenie Arms: FIRST, YOU MUST COMPLETE THE SHAVING RITUAL! I WANT EACH OF YOU GIRLS TO PICK UP THESE SMOOTH RIVER ROCKS! (grunting)

All: (sighing)

All: (snickering)

Sergeant Weenie Arms: (growls) THIS IS NOT A CAPPUCINO BREAK! I TOLD YOU PROM QUEENS TO GET SOME RIVER ROCKS! All right! NOW, SHAVE WITH IT!

Chicken: Um, wouldn't it be easier to shave with a sharp rock?

Sergeant Weenie Arms: Sharp rocks are for non-men! Do you want to be a non-men? I DON'T THINK SO! (snickering)

Sergeant Weenie Arms: All right, men. Your next mission is to chop down that cave tree. With your FACES! Ready, CHOP! PICK UP THE PACE! DO YOU HAIRLESS GRANDMAS WANNA BE WEENIE MARINES OR NOT?! Good job, men! Let's hit the sack! You learned! Revelry at o four-hundred! (snores) Ten-HUT! ON YOUR FEET, YOU PASTRY CHEFS! Congratulations, ladies! You are now full-fledged Weenie Marines!

Chicken: Dis so cool!

Sergeant Weenie Arms: (sniffles) Those are my boys! (sighs) You've done me proud!

Chicken: Wow! Action figures!

Earl: Hey! A Pencil-Neck Sissy Doll?

Sergeant Weenie Arms: That's right! Real Weenie Marines aren't afraid to play with Sissy Dolls!

All: (gasping)

Cow: Oh, would you care for more tea, Pencil-Neck Sissy?

Sergeant Weenie Arms: Oh, yes, please, Crabs!

Cow: (giggles and moos)

Flem: You know, I think that Sergeant Weenie Arms is full of baloney.

Sergeant Weenie Arms: (giggles) End!