The Friend

Dash for the Cupcakes

 * [Muffled] Darwin! You okay?
 * Come on, buddy. We're almost there!
 * Not so fast, boy! [Holds up mint] I drop this non-branded mint into this unbranded cola, it'll give me enough firepower to blast you two through that darn fence.
 * What'cha gonna do with all them cupcakes? There's only one of you, and two of us.
 * They're for my friends only! I don't want you there, eat'n everything and weird'n them out. Just give up, and that'll be the end of it. [Raises mint] Otherwise-
 * Okay okay! Wait.
 * We surrender. [Points somewhere] Oh look! Your friends are here!
 * [Gasps] Really!?
 * [Holding out lemon with powder on it] [Disgusted] These aren't cupcakes, they're lemons, and the icing is baking soda-
 * [Sinisterly] The real stuff is in the shed.
 * We surrender. [Points somewhere] Oh look! Your friends are here!
 * [Gasps] Really!?
 * [Holding out lemon with powder on it] [Disgusted] These aren't cupcakes, they're lemons, and the icing is baking soda-
 * [Sinisterly] The real stuff is in the shed.
 * [Sinisterly] The real stuff is in the shed.
 * [Sinisterly] The real stuff is in the shed.

Making A friend

 * I know, and my decoy cupcakes were made out of toilet paper. But I kept eating anyway! [Plunges mouth with plunger]
 * You two need to learn to give your sister more space.
 * [Sad] Mine were made from soap.
 * [Quietly] Okay. We'll just blend in with the crowd, and then go straight for the cupcakes.
 * Hi mam!
 * Hi!
 * Always great to see you. [Turns to invisible person] Hey Barbara!
 * [Turns] Hi!
 * [Kisses invisible person's cheeks] Looking good. [Aside to Darwin] She had a lovely birthday. Jack my man! [Laughs] Sorry to hear you broke up with Karen. Karen! Love the dress. [Whispers] Call me.
 * [With mouth full] Wait, where is everyone?
 * [Sad] I don't know! I prepared everything, and no one came!
 * Did you invite anyone?
 * Of course not, I have no friends.
 * and : Hmm.
 * [Shrugs]
 * [Sighs] You know, you're really clever but… sometimes you're kind of an awkward sausage.
 * You need friends to have a party.
 * But the whole point of this party was to make friends.
 * and : Hmm…
 * Hey, How 'bout we make one up for you...
 * Like an imaginary friend?!
 * [Sniffs] Okay.
 * Come on! think hard!
 * Come on. You, too.
 * Close your eyes and imagine!
 * Shouldn't we be screaming?
 * I was kind of waiting for you.
 * Let's do it on 3, 2, 1.
 * Nah, I think the moment's passed. [Walks up to chimera] Why does he look like that?
 * I guess because we imagined him all together. I didn't think he'd be so… real.
 * Can it speak? [To chimera] Hello!
 * Did we really make you up?
 * Uh… yeah.
 * [Excited] If we can imagine him into life, we can imagine anything!
 * and : Yeah!
 * We can imagine money and give it to the poor!
 * We could imagine an extinct species and bring it back to life!
 * We could imagine I never got caught by mom using your hair-removal cream on my butt! Or we could imagine I never said that.
 * Okay! [To chimera] Hi! Nice to meet you! High five!
 * Right. Well, Anais, looks like we found someone as socially awkward as you.
 * Ah! [Raises hands up in joy]
 * Why don't you guys try and be friends? [Pushes Anais to chimera] Go on.
 * Come on guys, make an effort. Make eye contact. Come on. Come on!
 * I said eye contact with him!
 * Hm. That'll have to do. Now let's try a smile. Like this.
 * [Quietly] More teeth! We need more teeth!
 * Uh… good?
 * [Aside to Darwin] If they want to make friends with strait jacket. [Aloud] Let's move on to making small talk. Demonstration!
 * Oh hi. Oh, I love your hair! What's your secret?
 * Male-pattern hair loss with a sprinkle of stress. So, who do you know here?
 * Oh, I'm Anais's brother.
 * Really? Me, too! [Quietly] She's so weird-looking, right?
 * [Quietly] Yeah. She's like a garden gnome who got her head transplanted from an Easter island statue.
 * and : [Laughs]
 * We both like to have fun at the detriment of others!
 * and : [Dancing] We should totally be friends!
 * Alright, your two.
 * Uh.
 * Uh…
 * Come on. Say something.
 * Uh. I like hair?
 * [Sighs in disbelief]
 * Uh, here. [Rips off Gumball's hair] Have some!
 * [Nervously] Hm. Yeah.
 * Oh uh… you have some hair too.
 * Oh uh… [Offers head] here. [Drops head]
 * I'm pretty sure that's not how you make friends. Put it back on.
 * [Puts head back]
 * Okay. You weirdos just say hi, and shake hands.
 * Hello.
 * Hi
 * Oh man! I'm so sorry.
 * No no, wait!
 * Don't worry. It's okay.
 * [Laughs] Stop, it tickles!
 * It's hard to know how to feel about this. On one hand it's "awwww." But n the other hand, it's [Retches]
 * It doesn't matter. I made a friend.
 * Which means it's time to PARTY!
 * Uh, here. [Rips off Gumball's hair] Have some!
 * [Nervously] Hm. Yeah.
 * Oh uh… you have some hair too.
 * Oh uh… [Offers head] here. [Drops head]
 * I'm pretty sure that's not how you make friends. Put it back on.
 * [Puts head back]
 * Okay. You weirdos just say hi, and shake hands.
 * Hello.
 * Hi
 * Oh man! I'm so sorry.
 * No no, wait!
 * Don't worry. It's okay.
 * [Laughs] Stop, it tickles!
 * It's hard to know how to feel about this. On one hand it's "awwww." But n the other hand, it's [Retches]
 * It doesn't matter. I made a friend.
 * Which means it's time to PARTY!
 * [Laughs] Stop, it tickles!
 * It's hard to know how to feel about this. On one hand it's "awwww." But n the other hand, it's [Retches]
 * It doesn't matter. I made a friend.
 * Which means it's time to PARTY!
 * Which means it's time to PARTY!

A Criminal?

 * Elmore residents are reporting a series of break-ins across the neighborhood with-
 * Hey kids! You alright?
 * Yeah! We're just playing with our imaginary friend.
 * Well, you better leave me some cupcakes.
 * Don't worry, he only eats hair.
 * Well you better leave me some of that too. I've been saving a space in my stomach right here. [Pushes spot on tummy, burger comes out] [Pushes back burger] I mean right here. [Pushes tummy, whole chicken comes out] [Pushes back chicken] I mean- oh, you know what I mean.
 * Sh! This looks important.
 * …who is said to be over 7 feet tall.
 * Now just hold still. [Blindfolds chimera] Good. Okay, and go!
 * Hm? [Takes off blindfold] Aw sorry.
 * Nah, it's okay. No harm dooo-
 * Come on. Let's go inside and make another piñata. I'm sure the last one made some kids in the south pole very happy.
 * And now an update on the terrifying intruder who is breaking in to Elmore homes. Here is a police sketch based on eyewitness reports.
 * Um, guys, I think it would be better if you played inside today. There's a-
 * Oooh my gosh! There's a criminal in my house! Stay away from my kids Richard call the police AHHHH!!! [Runs around, flailing arms]
 * [Dials phone] Hello police, I don't know why I'm screaming. But we really need some help right now! [Runs around, flailing arms]
 * Let's all run out of the house with our arms flailing!
 * I'm sure if we give them a minute, everything will calm down.
 * Um, guys, I think it would be better if you played inside today. There's a-
 * Oooh my gosh! There's a criminal in my house! Stay away from my kids Richard call the police AHHHH!!! [Runs around, flailing arms]
 * [Dials phone] Hello police, I don't know why I'm screaming. But we really need some help right now! [Runs around, flailing arms]
 * Let's all run out of the house with our arms flailing!
 * I'm sure if we give them a minute, everything will calm down.
 * I'm sure if we give them a minute, everything will calm down.
 * I'm sure if we give them a minute, everything will calm down.

Police Standoff

 * Let me in there! Let me in there!
 * Sorry ma'm, but this is a police matter. We're professionals, you can trust us. [Looks through manual] Okay, let me see… police negotiations. "Police." Is that one word, or two? You know how some people say "pow-lis?"
 * [Grabs megaphone] RELEASE MY BABIES, OR I'M SENDING IN THE SPECIAL TACTICAL FORCES-
 * Hey, give me that! I'm the one with the manual! [Through megaphone] Release my tactical forces, or I'm sending in my special babies!
 * Aw, I'm sorry. This is all my fault.
 * Why did you pretend to be our imaginary friend?
 * Yeah. You better have a good story, man!
 * Uh… [Sees Anais's pleading face] oh okay. I was made by an old lonely toy maker. We were the best of friends until the day he didn't wake up. I wandered the streets, then to people's homes hoping to find a friend. Everyone was so scared of me, and chased me away. Everyone… except you guys.
 * Okay, that was pretty good.
 * [Megaphone] You have two minutes to comply, or we're coming in!
 * What're we gonna do!?
 * Whatever it takes to protect our friend.
 * What're you doing?
 * I'm setting the mood.
 * For what?
 * The bit where we make the traps.
 * We've only got two minutes. Faster! [Speeds up the music]
 * Alright, I think we're ready! Everyone in their posts.
 * [Fast and high-pitched] Okay!
 * Sorry, I was in the zone. WHOO!
 * The bit where we make the traps.
 * We've only got two minutes. Faster! [Speeds up the music]
 * Alright, I think we're ready! Everyone in their posts.
 * [Fast and high-pitched] Okay!
 * Sorry, I was in the zone. WHOO!
 * Sorry, I was in the zone. WHOO!
 * Sorry, I was in the zone. WHOO!

Raiding the House

 * Okay, on my mark-!
 * CHARGE!
 * Hey, I'm the officer in charge here.
 * Didn't you hear? She said charge!
 * Not falling for that trick!
 * [Laughs] Thought you got me, eh?
 * Careful! The guy's a monster.
 * Son of a gun he buttered the doorknob! This man must be a criminal mastermind. I need to consult the manual. [Reads] "If the situation requires tact and intellectual average, call someone else." Oh. [Flees]
 * [Megaphone] You've got 30 seconds to get out, or I'm sending in your mother!
 * Okay, there's a very slim chance of any of us surviving that. Put your heads together, and come up with a plan!
 * I got nothing.
 * Me neither.
 * Oh, come on guys! We've gotta think of something. They'll never believe he's innocent, and they won't leave him alone for as long as he live.
 * [Megaphone] STOP RIGHT THERE! Put the soda down, and your hands in the air!
 * I've drank 3 bottles of unbranded soda, and I got a whole tube of unbranded mints. So please just let me go, or else. [Slowly motions to eat mints]
 * Sir, put the mints down!
 * Hold on! [Reads] "In case of sensitive situations"-- FIRE!
 * Uh wait a minute. No. It says "F.I.R.E: Find the problem, initiate a dialogue, reason with the aggressor, and evacuate the area." Oops.
 * [Megaphone] STOP RIGHT THERE! Put the soda down, and your hands in the air!
 * I've drank 3 bottles of unbranded soda, and I got a whole tube of unbranded mints. So please just let me go, or else. [Slowly motions to eat mints]
 * Sir, put the mints down!
 * Hold on! [Reads] "In case of sensitive situations"-- FIRE!
 * Uh wait a minute. No. It says "F.I.R.E: Find the problem, initiate a dialogue, reason with the aggressor, and evacuate the area." Oops.
 * Uh wait a minute. No. It says "F.I.R.E: Find the problem, initiate a dialogue, reason with the aggressor, and evacuate the area." Oops.
 * Uh wait a minute. No. It says "F.I.R.E: Find the problem, initiate a dialogue, reason with the aggressor, and evacuate the area." Oops.

Saying Goodbye to a Friend

 * You're alive!
 * I just wanted to say thank you… and goodbye.
 * But you will come back and visit, right?
 * I promise.
 * High five.
 * High five.