Getting Hitched

"Getting Hitched”

Original Airdate: 29-JAN-1999 Written by Jeff Menell. Directed by Jeff McCracken Courtesy of Dennis’s Boy Meets World Transcript Source. Transcribed by Dennis

Opening Credits

Cory: (VO) Previously on Boy Meets World…

[Shots from scenes at the student café. Chet is shooting some pool]

Shawn: So, is this what you’re doing for kicks now? Hustling students out of their tuition money?

Chet: (Fingering a wad of cash) I’m not hustling, I’m teaching! I teaching them not to play pool with a stranger. Especially when that stranger’s me. Come on boy, give your daddy a big hug! (Hugs Shawn)

[Cut to later in Jack, Rachel, and Eric’s apartment. Shawn, Jack, Eric, Rachel, and Chet are there]

Shawn: (Seriously) You always do this. Over and over and over again. You come into town, you make all these promises, and just when I think we’re actually gonna get close you take off again. (Realizing) Oh my god… I’m you.

[Cut to later. Topanga and Angela’s dorm. Cory enters]

Cory: Shawn’s father had a heart attack.

[Cut to later, in waiting room. Shawn is talking to Cory]

Shawn: I should be putting my arms around him and telling him that I love him. But I can’t, Cory, because I am still so angry at him.

[Cut to later, in Chet’s hospital room. Shawn and Chet, both crying, hug]

Shawn: I need you dad!

Chet: I need you, too, son.

[Cut to later, in waiting room. A nurse talks to Jack & Shawn]

Nurse: We lost him. (Jack & Shawn, then Alan & Amy, look utterly shocked) I’m sorry boys. (Shawn is at the verge of tears)

[SCENE – Student café. Cory is reading a magazine. Topanga, approaching from behind, covers his eyes.]

Cory: Oh, I’d know those hands anywhere. Shawn. (Topanga looks less than pleased, Cory turns around) How ya doing, honey? Sorry, I was just hoping it’d be Shawn.

Topanga: I know you’re worried about him.

Cory: Yeah, I mean, since his dad’s funeral I can’t reach him, I don’t know what to do.

Topanga: Well, I have something that might cheer you up. (Opens backpack)

Cory: (Jumps up excitedly) Is it Shawn?

Topanga: (Grinning) No. (Shows him box) The Fiancée Game.

Cory: I was gonna get this for you for a gift!

Topanga: You lie.

Cory: I swear.

Topanga: You know, it’s supposed to tell you if you’re ready to get married.

Cory: Trust me, I’m ready.

Topanga: We could play right now if we had another couple.

[Enter Eric & Rachel]

Eric: Hey, Cor. Pangers.

Cory: (Topanga looks to him) (Shaking head) No…

Topanga: Oh, come on, we’ll kill him!

Cory: Eric, wanna play a game?

Eric: Oh, whaddya got, Perquacki?

Topanga: (Showing box) The Fiancée Game. It’s for engaged couples.

Rachel: Oh, I was almost engaged once. We planned out whole futures together. I hope he dies…

Eric: (To Cory & Topanga) We don’t actually have to be engaged to play the game, do we?

Rachel: (Rambling to self) Not just dies, burns…

Eric: (To Cory & Topanga) Cause that’d be okay with me.

Rachel: (Rambling to self) I wanna step on his face with a golf shoe.

Eric: (Cheerfully) That’s very hostile. Will you marry me?

Rachel: Hey, why not? We already live together, right?

Eric: That’s right, yeah. (Turns to Cory & Topanga) We’ve actually been living together since she moved in. You guys are gonna be toast.

Topanga: Cory and I have been together for seventeen years!

Cory: We’ll kick your butts.

Topanga: Now all we need is somebody to read the questions.

Eric: Hmm! No problemo, hold on. (Turns to table where Feeny is sitting) Feeny. I say F-F-F-F-Feeny! Come on, George Feeny, don’t act like you don’t know me! We need you over here, hang on, get to steppin’. (To Rachel, Cory and Topanga) Hey guys, this is gonna be great, this dude can totally read.

Feeny: Eric, I’ve told you a thousand times. (Grabs his collar) Leave me alone. (He and Eric exchange grins) (To rest) Afternoon, all. How can I help?

Topanga: We’re playing a game and we want you to be the moderator.

Feeny: You interrupted my quiet cup of coffee for– (sees box) Ooh! The Fiancée Game. Good-y! Okay couples, take your seats and let’s play the Fiancée Game!

Topanga: (To Cory) This is gonna be so much fun.

[SCENE – Cory & Shawn’s dorm. Shawn, by himself, is stacking empty soda cans in a pyramid in the corner. There is a knock at the door and Jack enters carrying a can]

Jack: Hey. What’s going on? I left, like, ten messages, uh, why didn’t you call me back?

Shawn: ‘Cause I don’t want to.

Jack: Look, Shawn, we need to go down to dad’s trailer.

Shawn: What’s the rush?

Jack: Look, I know how hard this is, man, I really do. We need to go through his stuff.

Shawn: You do it. Throw everything out. (Takes Jack’s can) You done? (Shakes can, goes back to pyramid)

Jack: Yeah. But Shawn, you grew up there, right? You know what everything means. I wish I did, but I don’t.

Shawn: (Turns to face Jack) You wanna know what everything means?

Jack: Yeah, I want you to come down and tell me.

Shawn: No, I can tell you right here. I had a lousy relationship with my father that I don’t to relive, so I ain’t going. (Lays on bed)

Jack: Shawn, we need to go down, okay? We owe it to Chet.

Shawn: We don’t need to do anything.

Jack: What does that mean?

Shawn: (Sits up) It means that Chet was the only real link between us and now that he’s gone, I don’t think you owe anybody anything.

Jack: (After long pause) I’ll do it myself.

[Knock at door. Student enters]

Student: Hey, Shawn. You’re brother called a half hour ago.

Jack: Yeah, he got the message.

[SCENE – Student café. Cory, Topanga, Eric, and Rachel are all still playing the Fiancée Game with Feeny moderating. Eric & Rachel are laughing while Cory & Topanga look very rigid and embarrassed]

Feeny: Mr. Matthews, we’re waiting.

Cory: (Uncomfortably) Tuna fish.

Topanga: (Shows card with “Salmon” written on it) Salmon. (To Cory) Not tuna fish, salmon. Do you know you haven’t got one question right?

Cory: You know, it is just a game, honey.

Topanga: It’s not just a game, it’s our future.

Cory: I hardly think this game is an indicator of our future.

Topanga: Not tuna fish. (Turns away)

Cory: (Meekly) Yes, ma’am.

Feeny: Okay, moving right along. Rachel, what is Eric’s favorite fish?

Rachel: (Flashed a big smile, Eric nudges her twice) Penguin.

Feeny: No, I don’t think you understood…

Eric: (Shows sign reading “Pengwin”) BAM! (Him and Rachel explode into laughter)

Rachel: (Laughing) I know my man.

Eric: It’s like we have one brain.

Feeny: Yes, well… (To self) That’s too easy.

Topanga: (Muttering) Not one question right…

Cory: It’s a game, the questions were ridiculous! A relationship is not based on fish!

Topanga: You didn’t know I was right-handed!

Cory: Okay, that was bad.

Topanga: We don’t know each other at all…

Feeny: (Checks watch) I think we have run out of time. Goodnight, everyone. (Exits hurriedly)

Rachel: (Turns to Eric) We won.

Eric: Ooooh-ooh! (Laughing, stands with Rachel) I mean, we know each other pretty darn well, don’t we?

Rachel: Yeah. But how’d you know that when I shower I let…

Eric: (Interrupting, grabs Rachel’s hands and jumps up and down laughing) Oh, that’s not important, we won! We are so in synch it’s scary. This really tells me something about us.

Rachel: Yeah, well, we are good together, Eric.

Eric: Yeah, we are.

Rachel: Okay, I’ll see you at home. (Grabs coat)

Eric: Yeah, I’ll see ya…

Rachel: Bye. (Exits)

Eric: …honey. (Exits)

Topanga: (Stands) Eric and Rachel know more about each other than we do.

Cory: (Stands) Topanga, it was a game! A stupid game!

Topanga: You know what this means we have to do, don’t you?

Cory: Topanga, it was a stupid, lousy, rotten game!

Topanga: Live together.

Cory: That game’s a genius! Come here! (Hugs Topanga, picks her up)

[SCENE – Chet’s trailer. It is a mess. Jack is there alone]

Jack: Oh, geez. Where do I begin? (Looks at a mug, then gathers some newspapers at the foot of the chair)

[Shawn enters]

Jack: Hey. Change your mind?

Shawn: I didn’t mean we’re not brothers.

Jack: Oh. Hey, forget about it.

Shawn: I just meant that with all the stuff that’s going on between me and Angela, Cory and Topanga together all the time, and now with dad dying, I don’t really feel connected to anything.

Jack: Yeah, I’m here for you, man. Alright. (They hug)

Shawn: Thanks. Okay, so. (Takes off his jacket) Let’s do this. (Wanders into kitchen) Wow. (Picks up a lighter from the table and clicks it on. He grins at the tiny flame, then flicks it shut, pocketing the lighter) Oh, hey. (Grabs a coffee can from atop the fridge) His financial portfolio. (Jack smiles) (Looking at a paper from the can) You know what this is?

Jack: What? (Walks over)

Shawn: His unemployment stub number one. Dad always considered this his first honest money. (Pours out can’s contents)

Jack: Okay… (Fingering through papers) Past due… Final notice… Pay up… We’re not kidding this time… Why would he want to save these?

Shawn: Dad was a sentimental guy. (Finds a paper) This one’s weird.

Jack: What?

Shawn: It’s a letter to Chet from your step dad.

Jack: Oh, hey, that’s nothing. I’ll just take it. (Tries to take it, Shawn holds on)

Shawn: No. (Reading) “And don’t worry about paying back, Chet. Shawn is Jack’s brother so he’s practically family. We’re happy to help out.”

Jack: Yeah, that’s nothing. (Tries to take paper, Shawn snatches it away)

Shawn: No, pay him back for what?

Jack: (Stalling) Nothing. (Shawn glares at him) For your shirt.

Shawn: Pay him back for what?

Jack: (Sighs) For your tuition.

Shawn: For college?

Jack: Y’know, yeah, Chet just couldn’t afford it…

Shawn: Wait, no. You and your step dad decided to make us the charity case of the year.

Jack: Your dad wanted you to go to college so bad that he came to my stepfather for help. Can you imagine how hard that was for him?

Shawn: What else did you get me, Jack?

Jack: Nothing, that was it.

Shawn: Books? Did you buy my books?

Jack: Maybe… some books…

Shawn: My shirt? Really.

Jack: (Scratched brow) I would never pay for that shirt. (Touched Shawn’s collar) (Smiles) Come on, man. I’m just trying to help out, that’s what family’s do, we help out each other.

Shawn: How have I helped you out?

Jack: What?

Shawn: We’re family, right? Tell me one thing that I’ve done to help you out. (Takes off over shirt and hold it out to Jack) Here, take this. It doesn’t belong to me. Nothing belongs to me.

[SCENE – Dorm hallway. Eric walks through and checks the payphone for change as he passes. When it’s empty, he hits the payphone in disgust. Eric knocks on Cory’s door]

Cory: (From within) The door’s open…

Eric: (Enters. Cory is clad in silk pajamas. The beds are pushed together and have silk sheets on them. Candles are lit) HEY!

Cory: (Jumps up from odd position on bed) Eric!

Eric: Weren’t expecting me, we’re ya, Hef?

Cory: (Runs to Eric) What is it? Topanga’s coming over!

Eric: (Sits on a desk chair) You saw how in synch Rachel and I were. It’s obvious to me that we were meant to be together.

Cory: Congratulations and get out.

Eric: Now see, that’s not the problem.

Cory: (Walks to door) Congratulations and get out.

Eric: The problem is Jack. I mean, ever since Rachel moved in we’ve had this unspoken competition between the two of us. (Glares into the distance) Sometimes, at night, I imagine he gets killed… (contained laugher) (Stands) Jack is my best friend, okay, and I just wanna make sure that if it works out with Rachel that he’s gonna be okay with it.

Cory: Alright listen. If you and Rachel really care about each other, then I’m sure Jack will understand.

Eric: Really? Do you think so?

Cory: I couldn’t care less, now get out. (Opens door)

Eric: You’re a good brother, Cor. (Pats his cheek)

Cory: Out.

[Topanga approaches]

Eric: Hey, Topanga. (Sees her bag) Ooh, what’d you bring, toys? (Exits)

Cory: (Shuts door) Hey. What do you think of my silk pajamas, huh? They cost me two thousand dollars.

Topanga: (Grinning) They’re nice. Cory, why are the beds pushed together?

Cory: (Sits on bed) Oh, well we are gonna be living together, heh (pats bed next to him), I just assumed that…

Topanga: (Interrupting) Cory, you and I are living together to get closer as a couple. This needs to be an ordinary night where we behave just as ourselves, nothing special. Sex is the last thing we should be doing.

Cory: (Stands, looking upset. Leans in close, pointing)) You are wrong. Ya just are!

Topanga: But I’m looking very forward to spending all of the next few days getting to know you better than I ever have before.

Cory: Well if I would’ve known we were just gonna do that, I would’ve bought the flannel pajamas with the feet! (Blows out candles angrily) Instead of the silk pajamas, and the silk blanket, and these silk sheets! (Jumps onto bed, slides across sheets and off the other side, knocked down Shawn’s soda can pyramid. Topanga tries to restrain her laughter) And now I got blood on ‘em!

[SCENE – Chet’s trailer, continued from earlier. Shawn takes off his pants and hands them to Jack]

Shawn: (Referring) You sure you didn’t but these, too?

Jack: Don’t take those off!

Shawn: I don’t want to spend my life being a handout case, Jack!

Jack: I understand how you feel.

Shawn: No you don’t! (Points) You don’t. (Paces away) I don’t expect you to. It’s not your fault. I appreciate what you and your step dad did for me.

Jack: Then why can’t you just accept it and move on?

Shawn: Move on from what? Nothing is what I thought it was. I don’t know what I am anymore.

Jack: You’re my brother. In his underwear. (They both smile) Now will you please get dressed? (Throws him his pants and over shirt)

Shawn: I’m gonna pay you back for everything.

Jack: You wanna pay me back?

Shawn: I’m gonna pay you back.

Jack: Let me know who my father was.

Shawn: What? (Puts on his pant)

Jack: Yeah. Why did you think I wanted to come down here so badly? I wanted to find out just a little something about him.

Shawn: You already knew more about him than I did. (Puts on over shirt)

Jack: No, no. The important stuff, man. At least you have memories with him. I mean, I was gone before I could have any and now he’s gone so I guess I’ll never have any.

Shawn: That’s probably a good thing.

Jack: How?

Shawn: Because you’re okay. You’re the lucky one, Jack. There’s no need for you to go through this kind of pain. (Puts on his boots, Jack puts the papers back in the coffee can)

[SCENE – Cory and Shawn’s (Now Topanga’s) dorm. Topanga is laying on Shawn’s bed in pajamas, reading a book. Cory enters with a towel draped around his shoulders and a toothbrush in his mouth, humming. Topanga lowers her book, revealing the green paste covering her face.]

Cory: Aahh!! I mean… you look nice.

Topanga: It’s face cream, Cory, it keeps my skin soft.

Cory: Take it off, it scares me. (Topanga goes back to her book. Cory, holding a nail clipper, sits at the end of his bed) Cory Matthews, sets up to the plate. (Takes off his shoes. Clemens digs in, checks the runner on first, delivers the pitch, and… (Clips his toenail) Oh!

Topanga: Ow! Ow!

Cory: What?

Topanga: Oh, get it off of me! Get it off of me!

Cory: Oh, take it easy, you baby. It’s just a toenail.

Topanga: Which toe?

Cory: The big daddy.

Topanga: When did you last clip it?

Cory: I don’t know, a year ago?

Topanga: Ugh, get it off of me! Get it off of me! It’s stuck in my face somewhere. (Shrieks)

Cory: Topanga! Gosh, take it easy, ya baby, it’s just hygiene. (Goes to her face to take it off)

[Enter Eric]

Eric: Y’know something, Cor? I was so into my own thing that I forgot to give you a little brotherly advice in this whole living together situation. (Sees Topanga) Uh, first thing you have to do is get rid of the alien. Call Mulder and Scully, they’ll know what to do.

Topanga: Eric, it’s me.

Eric: Pangy? Girl, you look bad! Oh, and you got a toenail right here, look at that. (Laughs, Topanga squirms) (Pulls it off, shows it to Cory) Ground rule double?

Cory: Yeah, off the Green Monster.

Eric: Alright. Hey wait, I’m up, I’m up, I’m up. (Sits on Cory’s bed)

Topanga: (Stands, pointing to door) Get out!

Eric: Alright, alright, alright, fine. I have my little kumquat at home, no big deal. But I do want to do this before I go. (Grabs Topanga’s cheeks and mushes them around, while humming. Topanga is annoyed, she groans) (Laughs) Alright, peace, I’m out, alright. (Licks his fingers as he exits)

Topanga: Cory, even that knows you better than I do.

Cory: Oh relax. It’s just because Eric and I have lived together.

Topanga: (Sighs) Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. (Sits on her bed)

Cory: No, no, no, it is. (Sits next to Topanga) Listen, any time you and I are together, it is always a good idea.

Topanga: Okay, I’m just gonna go wash my face. Maybe then we can go to sleep.

Cory: Yeah, I’m just gonna get ready for bed.

Topanga: Okay. (Takes Cory’s towel. Wipes some cream from her lip. Goes to door)

Cory: (Fluffs pillow and counts) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. (Places pillow back on bed and pets it like a baby.) (Topanga, seeing this, shakes her head and exits.) (Winds clock, wipes the ends of the bed, then comes around and sits on the side, joining his hands) Please bless my mother and my father and please let the new baby be healthy and live a good life and be a good person. And please bless Eric and Morgan… and Jack and Shawn. And please help them get through this tough time. And please take care of Chet, and please don’t let Shawn get too crazy. (Topanga enters) And please bless Angela. And please let them always be together, not that I’m pushing one way or the other, it’s just that I want everybody to be happy. And please bless Topanga. And thank you so much for bringing her to me. And please let us always be together. No matter what happens, even if we’re not completely compatible, please just let us learn to be completely compatible.

Topanga: (Sits next to Cory) And please bless Cory. Who’s the greatest guy I’ve ever known and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with. (To Cory) You know why?

Cory: Why?

Topanga: ‘Cause I want to change everything about you. (They hold hands)

[SCENE – Jack, Rachel, and Eric’s apartment. Jack is looking over the contents of the coffee can at the counter. Rachel enters]

Jack: Oh, hey Rach.

Rachel: Hey, Jack. So, how’d it go down at the trailer park?

Jack: Shawn came down.

Rachel: He did? Well, that’s great. Is he okay?

Jack: (Shrugs) I don’t know. Y’know, I hope so.

Rachel: Well, how about you?

Jack: Oh, I’m fine. (Stands, walks towards couch) Y’know, I’m good. See, I’m the lucky one ‘cause I don’t have to go through any of that pain. You know, I just… I didn’t even know him. (Sits on couch, near tears)

Rachel: I know. (Sits next to Jack) I know, it’s okay.

Jack: (Near tears) No. You know, it’s… um… It’s just that I’m trying real hard not to get… in the way of his grief. But I’ll just… I’ll never get to know my real dad.

Rachel: I know, Jack, I know. But you can’t keep this inside, you just can’t.

Jack: Yes, I can. (Hugs Rachel)

Rachel: It’s okay, It’s okay… It’s okay. (Strokes his hair) Jack… (They separate slightly and look into each other’s eyes. Slowly, they move together and kiss passionately. They separate, then kiss again. Eric enters, sees them kissing, looks very upset, then exits)

[SCENE - Chet’s trailer. Shawn is sitting in a chair, reading through some papers. Cory knocks, then enters]

Cory: Hey.

Shawn: Hey.

Cory: Thanks for letting me have the room last night.

Shawn: No sweat. So?

Cory: (Sits) So, do you know what the best part of being a virgin is?

Shawn: What?

Cory: No, I’m asking. So, how you doing?

Shawn: I’ve been so angry I haven’t been able to see straight.

Cory: Yeah, I kinda noticed.

Shawn: But now that Angela’s not in my life anymore and my dad’s gone, I figure there’s a good chance for me to get out of here. (Walks to counter)

Cory: (Follows Shawn) Yeah, definitely. I mean, um, you don’t want to be hanging around in this trailer. So come back to the dorm. You know, we’ll talk.

Shawn: You and Topanga aren’t living together anymore?

Cory: Yeah, but only during the day. At night, she’s scary. But I love her, and we have our whole lives to live together. And know each other.

Shawn: I’m happy for you, Cory.

Cory: Thank you.

Shawn: But I think I need to break away for a while. Clear my head. Find out who I am.

Cory: Shawn, you just lost your father.

Shawn: He left me this trailer. It’s all he head. Eventually, I’m gonna have to sell it off to start paying back some debts, but in the meantime I was gonna hitch it up and hit the open road. Thought maybe you’d come with me.

Cory: What, you mean for the weekend?

Shawn: (Thinks) Yeah, for the weekend.

Cory: Yeah. Sure! Woo-hoo! You know, we’re young, we’re wild. Can I drive?

Shawn: (Opens door) No.

Cory: Alright, but I got shotgun. (Runs out door) (Shawn kisses his hand, touches the horseshoe above the door, grabs his bag, and exits)

[TAG – Dorm hallway. Shawn and Cory enter.]

Cory: Shawn, I don’t understand why it’s so important that we come here.

Shawn: I wanna say goodbye to Topanga.

Cory: We’re going away for the weekend. I’m not even saying goodbye to her.

Shawn: We’re here, okay?

Cory: Okay, but I wouldn’t go in there.

Shawn: Just saying goodbye. (Opens the door. Topanga is sitting at the desk, clipping her toenails. Her face has the green face cream on it)

Topanga: Cheryl Swoops dribbles down the lane. (Turns to Shawn) She squares off to the basket, shoots! (Clips her toenail)

Shawn: Ow! (Covers his eye)

Topanga: Scores! Woo-hoo!

Shawn: What the heck was that?

Cory: She’s beautiful, isn’t she?

Shawn: Looks like the swamp thing.

Cory: (Chuckles) I know. Let’s go. (Pats Shawn’s shoulder, walks away)

Shawn: Goodbye, Topanga. (Exits, closing door. Topanga waves goodbye, then goes back to clipping her toenails)

-End-