Drawn and Quartered

[We see Hostess Ding-Dongs mascot King Ding Dong (here referred to as King Don) who has been handcuffed during a rebellion by his kingdom's people]

Rebellion Leader: King Don, you have driven our land into ruin and bankruptcy. Given that you are a talking snack cake, I supposed we should not have been surprised. To the guillotine with him!

[Crowd cheers; cut to King Don being unsuccessfully forced into a guillotine]

King Don: [Grunts]

Guard #1: He doesn't fit!

Guard #2: Oh, is this really not happening?

Rebellion Leader: Fine, we'll do this the old fashioned way.

[cut to King Don on a headrest, an executioner armed with an axe standing next to him]

Rebellion Leader: Off with his head!

Executioner: Uh, head?

Rebellion Leader: Just cut him in half somewhere above the arms!

Executioner: Well, it's not gonna be one clean stroke. This could get messy.

King Don: I have a royal proclamation - you are all dumb f***s!

Rebellion Leader: All right, all right. New plan.

[cut to King Don, his limbs tied with rope to four horses]

Rebellion Leader: Any last words?

King Don: I f***ed your sister.

Rebellion Leader: Let's do it!

[The horses whinnie and run in the directions they are facing, consequently tearing King Don apart. Cut to the rebellion leader burying King Don, then the scene cuts to him in his bedroom]

Rebellion Leader: Hmm. Uh, you don't suppose he really f***ed my sister, do you?

[King Don, alive and well, leaps out from behind a curtain, an axe in his hands.]

Rebellion Leader: Aah! How are you still alive?!

King Don: I'm 80 percent preservatives. I'm essentially immortal.

[King Don beheads the rebellion leader with the axe. Cut to King Don back on his throne. The rebellion leader's sister is brought to him by one of his royal servants]

Royal Servant: The Rebel Leader's sister, as you requested, Your Majesty.

King Don: This is less about sex and more about tying up loose ends.

Rebellion Leader's Sister: Wow. What a staggeringly unromantic thing to say.

King Don: Eh... I'm a talking snack cake.

[cut to static, sketch ends]