Phineas' Birthday Clip-O-Rama!

Part I
(Scene opens up in Phineas and Ferb's room showing that Phineas is sleeping) (Then the alarm clock at 6:59 AM. As it goes off, it makes a party blower sound, shows the words "Happy Birthday", two star flags pop up and confetti rains all over the alarm clock)

Phineas: (Wakes up, snoozes alarm clock) Another fantastic year older, and this is gonna be the best birthday ever! So, what are we gonna do, Ferb? (Camera pans to Ferb's bed, showing a card) Ferb? (Camera zooms in) Huh! A note! (Gets off his bed) "For the celebration of your birthday, just follow these clues to show you the way". Cool! It's like a birthday adventure. But hey, where's Ferb?

(Outside, Ferb puts on a fedora and runs out the gate)

Ferb!

Candace: (Talking on her cell phone) I can't believe it! It's Phineas's birthday, and I still don't know what to get him! What can you get for the boy who can make everything? (Sighs) It's my fault. I should have been thinking about this before, but I've just been so distracted by trying to bust Phineas and-- Wait! (Notices Ferb behind a tree; The garage door opens and Ferb runs into the garage) What is he up to? T-T-Y-L, Stacy!

(Inside the garage)

Isabella: Hey, Ferb! (Ferb takes off his fedora) We were just discussing our plans for Phineas' birthday. The circus we ordered won't be arriving 'til later in the day, (Irving walks up) but Irving had a great idea for a warm-up.

Irving: We should make a video compilation of all of Phineas' greatest moments!

Buford: What? Like on a clip show? (Crosses his arms) Lame.

Irving: Not where a genius like Phineas is concerned, watch this. (Turns on TV)

(Clips: Phineas quotes)

Phineas: Okay, Ferb. Let's see what we can do about that pesky gravitational pull. ''(Ferb presses a button on a controller)  Phineas: (Explaining Candace her mission)'' After you wrestle the crocodiles, you'll corkscrew through the overpass and free-fall past the flaming high wire to make your last delivery and receive the 50th patch.

Phineas: (In a video game) Wow, a castle! Nice art direction, Ferb.

Phineas: (Riding on a rocket attached to a bike with Ferb and Candace) Good thing we had this extra rocket engine, huh?

Phineas: (Showing a giant paper-maché plane) Eat your heart out, Howard Hughes.

Phineas: (Showing Isabella a dining room) Behold! A romantic candlelit dinner for two.

Phineas: (Building a giant card house) We're almost finished with our exact replica of the Temple of Angkor Wat.

Phineas: (Showing a giant contraption) The Phineas-and-Ferb-edge-of-insanity-kiss-your-butt-goodbye-gravity's-a-stone-cold-sucker-nightmare-rail-skate-track-obstacle-course of doom!

Candace: Will you please tell me what's going on here?

Phineas: We're building an animation studio.

Phineas: (Exiting a giant bowling ball) That was amazing!

Phineas: (With Linda's tricked-out car) The flying car of the future, today, is still pulling a bit to the right.

(With the Candace Crusher)

Lawrence: A monster truck!

Phineas: Yeah! Isn't it sweet?

Phineas: (Revealing the rollercoaster) THE COOLEST... COASTER... EVER!

(Ferb reveals the coaster. A bird flies into it)

Irving: (Imitating fanfare. The camera zooms out as he imitates a kettle drum beat and turns off the TV)

Baljeet: Why did you not just use the kettle drum?

Irving: I never learned how to play. (Pushes the kettle drum away, and a cat yowls) Anyway, (Candace looks through the window and swoons) By utilizing my extensive collection of spy cameras, I've got footage of everything that Phineas has ever done. But I haven't had time to edit all of it-- Well, what, with-- You know, filming more. (He and Baljeet, Buford and Isabella walk to Ferb) I've divided up all the video into 3 parts. (Shows the CDs) Each of you take a section, (Isabella, Baljeet and Buford each takes a CD) Edit your tribute, and we'll meet at the party later.

(Candace shows an evil face. The garage door opens and Isabella, Baljeet and Buford run out of the garage. The garage door closes)

Candace: (Giggles)

Phineas: (Runs to the kitchen) "This birthday excursion will take you afar, you'll find your next clue where the 2x4s are". 2x4s, huh? Perry, are you thinking what I'm-- (Camera pans to Perry's bed) Hey, where's Perry?

(Scene shifts to Perry's lair)

Major Monogram: (To Carl) Okay, now let me to do the talking.

(Agent P walks to his seat)

Major Monogram: Oh, Agent P! There's a something we need to discuss for a while, you see Perry's job and performances which come up, (Perry's face became surprised) but don't get me wrong, it's just like your entrances became "lackluster" lately. (Perry's face became sad) We just expect more from you. Roll the footage Carl!

Carl: Right away sir.

(Clips: Perry's entrances)

(Perry falls through a trough and swims into his lair while dodging laser sharks)

(Perry slides down a tree trunk and manages to catch a falling vase upon entering the lair)

(Perry enters through a vending machine but gets stuck on the slide and has to pull himself along)

(Perry, wearing a pet cone, tries to pass through the entrance on the side of the house, but is repeatedly blocked by the cone)

(A giant Perry lifts the roof off of the lair and sits down)

(Perry unfolds a fold-out sofa, lays on it, and folds it back up)

(Perry is launched into the air by a fence board and falls through an opening in the ground)

''(Perry pulls a book and jumps through a filing cabinet drawer)  (Perry rides a log through an amusement park-style tunnel)''

(Song: Mission)

Animatronic Animals: You're gonna get a mission

A mission, a mission

A brand-new mission

What's it gonna be?

Go and get your mission

Your mission, your mission

A brand-new mission

We can't wait to see!

Major Monogram: What happened to that guy? No pressure, but style counts. (Perry salutes and walks away sadly) Let's, uh, let's give him a few days, and then we should talk to him about his exits.

(Scene shifts to the Garcia-Shapiro house)

Candace: Hi-ya, Isabella.

Isabella: Oh hi Candace, what are you doing here? In my house?

Candace: Oh just barging around. You know me, big barger. So, what is that?

Isabella: Oh, just a little birthday video I'm editing for Phineas.

Candace: Then let's see.

(Candace plays the video)

Computer Phineas: (in the video, spliced together) We'll-Be-Together-Forever-Isabella.

Isabella: (Looks embarrassed at Candace) Hehe...

Candace: But... don't you have anything more, you know, unusual?

Isabella: Of course! Watch this. (Presses play)

Isabella: (in video) I saw the best girls of my troop, hungry, patchless, out of uniform.

Candace: Okay, seriously, whoa. I mean, like Phineas's inventions?

Isabella: Nope, I didn't get any of that footage.

Candace: Then you're useless to me. Candace out!

Isabella: (After Candace leaves) Hm... I'll have to talk to her about her exits.

(Isabella returns to editing her video)

Computer Phineas: (spliced again) Isabella-Will-You-Marry-Me?

Isabella: (dreamily) Ah... The magic of digital editing!

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

Doofenshmirtz: I see you, Perry the Platypus, now kick the door... (Perry kicks the door and the trap, a large TV, activates) Haha! Gotcha, Perry the Platypus! Hee hee hee! I saw you coming from my video surveillance system! Ah, if I had a nickel for every time I've trapped you.

(Clips: Perry's traps; after each clip, a counter in the top-right corner of the screen goes up by $0.05)

(Perry is enclosed by falling bricks)

(Perry is captured in a durable bubble shot by Doofenshmirtz)

(Perry is trapped by a machine that winds duct tape around him)

(Restraints pin Perry's hands, feet, and tail to a crate)

(Doofenshmirtz pushes a button, and Perry, sitting in a lounge chair, is now trapped in a cage)

(Perry opens a satchel, releasing a metal belt that pins him to the wall)

(Perry lands and is trapped inside a large Perry replica)

(Perry is tied up by a lowering coil of rope)

(Perry, sitting in a car, is fastened into a baby seat)

(A metal helmet lands on Perry's head and holds him above the floor)

(in the woods)

Doofenshmirtz: Come here. (Perry steps forward and a cage falls on him) Ha-ha-ha!

(Doofenshmirtz zaps Perry, trapping him in a ball gown; Perry tries to move but falls down and his arms are restrained)

(A large column lands on Perry and traps him in a baby table)

Doofenshmirtz: Ha-ha-ha!

(A net pins Perry to the ceiling)

(A large glass bubble lowers onto Perry)

(Perry lands and is immediately trapped inside a large diving helmet)

(The floor below Perry opens up and he falls)

(A net encloses around Perry and yanks him up)

(Perry is trapped inside a metal box with armholes)

(Perry is trapped in a falling pet carrier)

(Perry steps in a rope loop and is flung up by his ankle)

(The box Perry is carrying turns into a plaque that encloses the platypus: the counter stops at $1.10)

Doofenshmirtz: Ha-ha! Made you carry your own trap!

(back to Doofenshmirtz in front of his wall of TVs)

Doofenshmirtz: Huh, I thought it would be more than that. I guess I could get a candy bar or something. Anyway, I've been studying all my previous schemes and I figured out why they always seem to fail. Let's see if you can figure out what they all have in common. Look!

(Clips: Doofenshmirtz's -inators)

Doofenshmirtz: Behold! The Mime-inator!

Doofenshmirtz: The Mountain-out-of-a-Molehill-inator!

Doofenshmirtz: The Aerosol-Propelled Ozone-Deplete-inator!

Doofenshmirtz: The Metal Destruct-inator!

Doofenshmirtz: Giant Dog Biscuit-inator. (dogs bark) Thank you! Thank you for making my point for me!

Doofenshmirtz: The Gloom-inator 3000!... inator.

Doofenshmirtz: My Smell-inator!

Doofenshmirtz: My Blow-Itself-Up-inator! (explodes)

Doofenshmirtz: The Monster-Truck-Away-inator.

Doofenshmirtz: The Atomic Leaf Blower-inator!

Doofenshmirtz: The Sandwich Suit Remove-inator!

Doofenshmirtz: I call it my Turn Everything Evil-inator.

(back to Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: See? They all have "-inator" in the name. That is why they fail. Which is why I named my latest creation, The Video-Beam-Hijack-Non-Inator! You see, I added "non" to the name, because "non" means "not", so it's a "not-an-inator", therefore, it can't not fail. Get it? I mean, it can't... can't fail, it... okay.

(Scene shifts to Candace)

Candace: Heeheehee... (phone rings) Hi, Mom.

Linda: (on the phone) Where are you, Candace? You promised you'd help frost the cake after you got Phineas's present.

Candace: Yeah, well I got a little sidetracked preparing the bust of the century. Later today, I'm going to show you something you won't believe.

Linda: If I have a nickel for every time I've heard that.

(Clips: Candace yelling for Mom; 5-cent counter goes up after each clip)

Candace: Mom, you've got to see this.

Candace: Mom, they're driving a herd of cattle right through downtown.

Candace: See, Mom? There! Mom?

Candace: Mom! Dad! Heeheeheehee. Look at what Phineas and Ferb did to the backyard!

Candace: See? It's a submarine!

Candace: (in Picasso's "Guernica") Mom! Mom! Mom!

Candace: Come on, come on. You gotta see this.

Linda: Candace, will you--

Candace: Mom, you gotta come home right away. Phineas and Ferb have... th-they build a... a thing that... that... oh, what's the use?

Candace: Mom! Mom! Look at this! Look at me!

Candace: MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM!

Candace: Mom! Mom! Giant building!

Candace: Come on, come on, come on!

Candace: Mom, you've gotta see this! It's about your car!

Candace: Mom! Mom! Quick! Mom! Look! Before it disappears!

Linda: Now where's this giant animation studio?

Candace: It got up, and it danced away.

Linda: It what?

Candace: It got up, and it danced, away. (counter stops at $0.75)

Linda: Hmm. I guess I can buy a candy bar.

(Scene shifts to Phineas at Tri-State Plank & Board)

Phineas: Tri-State Plank & Board. Some of our best structures were born here. (walks inside)

Worker: Phineas Flynn. Is that the birthday boy I hear?

Phineas: Yep. (removes helmet shaped like the top of his head) In the flesh.

Worker: Oh, you and your helmet.

Phineas: Have you seen Ferb today?

Worker: No, but I did see a guy in a robotic bird-themed super suit shooting eggs out of his wrist.

Phineas: (points his finger at her)

Worker: ...and that was Ferb, wasn't it?

Phineas: It's a safe bet. We used a robotic bird-themed super suit to save City Hall this summer.

Worker: Aren't you a little young...

Phineas: (laughs) If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that.

(Clips: "Aren't you a little young..."; 5-cent counter goes up after each clip)

Factory Manager: Aren't you a little young to be a roller coaster engineer?

Contractor: Aren't you a little young to be a landscape contractor?

J.B.: Aren't you a bit young to be toy designers?

Ben Baxter: Aren't you a little young to be pop stars?

Charlene Doofenshmirtz: Aren't you a little young to be detectives?

Boat Captain: Aren't you boys a little young to man a fishing vessel?

Officer: Aren't you a little young to be working in a museum?

Delivery Man 3: Aren't you a little young to order all this?

Delivery Man 2: Yes, yes he is. (to Phineas) Sorry, Phineas. He's new.

Delivery Guy: Aren't you kids a little young to be discovering Atlantis?

Danny: Aren't you a little young to be fans of Love Händel?

Charitable Charities Manager 3: Aren't you a little young to know about all these old detective shows?

Ranger: Aren't you boys a little young to be restoring a national monument?

Phineas: Yes. Yes we are. (counter stops at $0.60)

(back to Tri-State Plank & Board)

Worker: Was I supposed to see something just now?

Phineas: Nah, I was just thinking to myself. It's a clip show. So where'd you see Ferb?

Worker: He was right over here. That suit really holds a lot of eggs.

(the two of them walk to a wall with a picture of a Slushy Dawg on it, made from the eggs, and a pile of egg shells at its base)

Phineas: Huh. A visual clue!

Worker: Is that a Slushy Dawg on a stick?

Phineas: Yep, and a fine example of the lost art of egg-rendering.

(Scene shifts to Baljeet's room in his house)

Baljeet: Almost done.

Candace: (kicks the door open) You! Step away from the computer! I want to see that video.

Baljeet: But...

Candace: Play it!

Baljeet: Okay, okay!

Candace: Phineas and Ferb, I've got you now! (Baljeet presses Play)

(Clips: strange moments)

(Song: The Ballad of Badbeard)

Candace: (hallucinating, singing) Why do my nostrils whisper to me?

(A woman grabs a giant baby's hand and leads her away)

(Robot Linda's face opens and a small alien starts speaking in alien dialect)

(Professor Poofenplotz's Me-Mobile is pinned to a building by Pinky's harpoon)

(Phineas and Ferb chase the oversized A-Primes through their hotel's hallway)

Talking Zebra: I voted for you, Kevin.

(in a dark red cave)

Linda: Ki-ki-ki-ki-ki!

Lawrence: Ki-ki-ki-ki-ki!

Linda, Lawrence: Ki-ki-ki-ki-ki!

Ba-dink-a-dinks: We are the Ba-dink-a-dinks!

(Back to Candace and Baljeet)

Candace: What the heck was that?

Baljeet: That is what I said! Sure, give the weird stuff to Baljeet! Who cares if it does not work out of context?

Candace: Where's the rest?

Baljeet: This is all they gave me!

Candace: Ugh, that leaves Buford. (leaves)

Baljeet: I need better clips.

Part II
(Scene opens up at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, "trapped Perry the Platypus." It's my favorite show; but you know what, my least favorite show is this. (turns on T.V.)

Announcer: (Roger is seen chopping some wood and kissing a baby. He is also seen at the Tri-State Area costume ball in a superhero costume with a woman in a cat costume. Then, Roger jumps into the air a la Superman, while the woman looks up in surprise.) Culture. Square-jawed. Danville Mayor Roger Doofenshmirtz. Profiled on: "Younger Brothers of the Useless."

Doofenshmirtz: It's a 12-part mini-series running all day long; nothing but propaganda. He can't really fly, they did that with wires. So that is why I invented the Video-Beam-Hijack-Non-inator; "non"-inator, mind you, for reasons we've already discussed. With this, I will preempt the biography of my brother so he can't rely on that 14-karat smile and his freakish ability to not be despised. I mean, look at this city, look at all that urban blight that, uh... that isn't there anymore, and... and the public transportation, all... uh, clean and... efficient and... (sighs) running on time... Okay, let's just say I'm gonna let Roger warm up the room for me, then I'll preempt his ridiculous documentary with live video of me announcing my take-over of the Tri-State Area. (puts on Roger's glasses) And maybe I'll put on these glasses like he wears. (tosses them aside) I don't know. What am I, gonna throw away my best stuff on a clip show? Forget it. Now let's light this pop stand. Could take a while, though. It's gotta... it's gotta warm up... vacuum tube.

(Scene shifts to the Van Stomm house, where Candace is waiting for a chance for Buford to leave his room.)

Candace: This is it. All I need to do is get Buford away from that computer and...

Biffany: (off-screen) Buford, honey, come over here!

Buford: (off-screen) Coming, Mom!

Candace: Ooh, lucky break. (climbs in through the window) Okay, let's see. (presses Play)

(Clips: Phineas and Ferb's inventions)

(The ride from "Don't Even Blink" does random things. Phineas is seen laughing, then Isabella. Then to Ferb, then Buford.)

(Song: Quirky Worky Song)

Suitty-up-booty-up-billa-be-do-do-da

Do-da-be-de-da, da-da, da-da-da

Phineas: Howdy, Candace. Enjoying the rodeo?

(The airborne Mix N' Mingler, spinning rapidly, ejects several people, including Phineas, into the air)

Phineas: Well, here's the foyer; all-imported marble, by the way...

Phineas: You can stop laughing and pointing, because now it's time for... (his oversized pants fall down) Oops.

(Song: A-G-L-E-T)

Phineas: A-G-L-E-T...

(A mechanical hand comes out of an oven and pies Candace in the face)

(Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, Buford, and Irving shrink)

Isabella: Wow! We're really tiny!

(Candace grabs onto the time machine and she, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Future Candace travel through the time vortex into the future)

(The rocket-shaped kiddie ride launches)

Buford: (screams)

Phineas: Here's the bowling alley, pool, telescope...

Phineas: Ferb?

(Ferb pulls a lever and the Holy Mackerel levels out)

Candace: What do you mean, "maze"?

(The screen pans out three times, revealing the entire maze)

(The Molecular Separator zaps the two Candaces, turning them into 13 Candaces)

(Phineas, Ferb, and Perry ride a coffin down a waterfall, getting their picture taken)

(Phineas, Ferb, and Candace launch up through a cloud)

Candace: (screams)

Phineas: Hey look, a cloud angel!

Phineas: ...terracotta army room, (shouting) jet engine wind tunnel...

(Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and a herd of cattle ride down cliffside waterslides)

(Song: Yippy Ki Yi Yay!)

(Ferb controls The Beak down the massive skate ramp)

(Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and an alien have fun playing in Mitch's alien zoo)

Phineas: ...and, scoring stage with 40-piece orchestra.

Buford: Buford's first!

(Buford and all the kids ride the Fun Preservers down the escape slide)

(Song: Gotta Make Summer Last)

Summer, I love summer,

Give me that summertime

(The suit of armor with Phineas and Ferb sticking out of the arms crashes into the other jousting horse)

(A room full of chickens in glass cages is charged up by a strange energy device)

Candace: Bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom... It's so beautiful! (climbs out the window carrying the CD)

Candace: I got it! Ha ha ha! Ah ha ha! (shouting to the entire street) Today, I will bust my brothers, and this time, I mean it!

Man 1: I've heard that before!

Man 2: Every day the same thing.

Man 3: Is that that girl again?

Candace: You'll see! (car alarm goes off)

(Scene shifts to the Googolplex Mall)

Phineas: Googolplex Mall, home of the original Slushy Dawg. Hey Jeremy!

Jeremy: Want a Slushy Dawg?

Phineas: Sure. Supersuit-generated egg renderings always make me a bit peckish.

Jeremy: I bet that's the first time anybody's ever said that. By the way, (hands Phineas a folded piece of paper) Ferb left this clue for you.

Phineas: Thanks.

Jeremy: I bet you guys have heard a lot of strange sentences over the course of the summer. (hands Phineas a Slushy Dawg)

Phineas: Boy, I'll say. (takes a bite)

Jeremy: Can you think of any examples?

Phineas: Nope, not offhand. See ya! (leaves)

Jeremy: Happy birthday! (begins whistling while cleaning the counter)

Phineas: Wait a minute! (running back to the counter) I just remembered some!

(Clips: Strange sentences)

Phineas: Nothing says mother's love like a giant robotic platypus butt.

Candace: Why am I wearing a turtle on my head?

Buford: I wanna float around! Like men.

Candace (in Perry's body): Am I sweating milk?

Future Candace: Gotta go, Stacy. Good luck with that llama legislation.

Man: Run for your lives! It's Gnome-ageddon!

Isabella: Stickiness is the most underrated of all the -nesses...

Buford: (rowing a boat past a lighthouse) I knew I should've gotten the down payment on the elephants.

Linda: It looks a little like a rhesus monkey wearing a powdered wig.

Stacy: (as the Dangerbil) Ohh, no. You did not just tell me to hench.

Phineas: What, you think we should have more Bulgarian folk-related elements?

Linda: I'll be in the dairy section if you want to come yell at some cheese.

Phineas: Dad, you might want to wipe the queen off your face.

(Song: F-Games)

Baljeet: I, too, feel a certain element of kabob-ism.

Ferb: Definitely the giant floating baby head.

Buford: I am to metaphor cheese as metaphor cheese is to transitive verb crackers.

Candace: I just discovered why cows and frogs don't date.

Phineas: "Lawn gnome beach party of taffeta." Make a note of that.

Candace: I'm calling Mom. (goes inside, slamming the door; promptly reopens it) And I am not using the banana this time!

Phineas: Couldn't see any of that, though, could you?

Jeremy: Not a bit.

Phineas: It's a clip show thing. (unfolds and reads clue) "I hope you had fun on this scavenger hunt, now head back to the place where we plan all our stunts." Home it is!

(Scene shifts to D.E.I.)

Doofenshmirtz: Oh yeah, we're gettin' there now! Soon I will preempt my brother's documentary marathon with my own live video! And there's not a thing you can do about it, like... li... like all those other times.

(Clips: Doofenshmirtz and Perry's fights)

(Doofenshmirtz and Perry fight with wrenches; Perry pounds a screw into Doofenshmirtz' foot)

Doofenshmirtz: Now I can't make up my mind- (Perry punches Doof repeatedly in the face)

(Perry kicks Doofenshmirtz into a lever, switching it to "Blow")

(Perry repeatedly pecks Doofenshmirtz in the head)

(Devolved Perry and Doofenshmirtz fight; Perry pins Doofenshmirtz down and repeatedly pecks his head)

Doofenshmirtz: I can't believe you fell for that (pulls down a fake window) fake window trick. Ha-ha-ha... (Perry swings through the window and kicks Doofenshmirtz)

(Perry kicks Doofenshmirtz into his blimp's control panel)

Doofenshmirtz: How did you get out of that double knot?

Doofenshmirtz: (standing on top of Big Ben) Ha ha ha ha ha! Hey! (Perry appears behind him, kicks him off the tower, and catches his remote)

(Perry and Doofenshmirtz have a sword fight with a hot dog and bratwurst, respectively; Perry slaps Doofenshmirtz in the face with the hog dog several times)

(Perry and Doofenshmirtz are zapped by the dance ray and start dancing)

Doofenshmirtz: No, that's not it eith...Aah! (Perry pulls him away from the hovercraft controls)

(Perry throws a chair through the Invis-inator's ray; it turns invisible and hits Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: ...it turns you visible ag...Aagh! Ow! Oh, well that came out of nowhere.

(Doofenshmirtz is turned inside-out after being zapped by a ray)

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great. Now I have to make an Outside-In-inator.

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, how did you escape? (Perry beckons Doofenshmirtz to come closer, then punches him in the face) What's that? Oh!

(Perry slams a trash can onto Doofenshmirtz's head and kicks him; Doofenshmirtz staggers backwards and removes the trash can, but falls off his balcony and screams)

Doofenshmirtz: (having been hit with the Age Accelerator-inator) Well, it's already 4:30; I think I'm going to bed. Curse you, Perry the Platypus.

Doofenshmirtz: I shouldn't dwell on it, i...it's just too painful. But I gotta stop living in the past.

(Perry slips his tail under the TV screen and hits one of the TV's buttons, raising the trap)

Doofenshmirtz: What? Why did I put that button on the... Oh, I guess aesthetically, it ma... (Perry punches Doofenshmirtz, who flies across the room) Oof! You may have escaped my TV trap, Perry the Platypus, but I'm still going to change your channel! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Doofenshmirtz pulls a laser remote out of his lab coat and fires it at Perry. He misses and shoots several holes in the wall; Perry uses a nearby flatscreen TV as cover. Perry grabs another remote from the top of the TV and fires at Doofenshmirtz) Oh, that one shoots too? Whoo! Who knew? (Doofenshmirtz uses a nearby TV as cover as the two fight)

(Scene shifts to just outside the Flynn-Fletcher backyard)

Phineas: Well, all roads lead to home, I guess. I can't wait to see what they ha...

Phineas' friends: Happy birthday, Phineas! (the yard is filled with Phineas-shaped balloons, and has a stage with a giant TV screen reading "Happy Birthday, Phineas")

Tabitha Comstock: You're the best!

Isabella: Phineas Flynn, welcome to your birthday! (rockets and stars appear on the TV screen)

(Back at D. E. I., Perry and Doofenshmirtz are still fighting. Meanwhile, Candace is running down the street, holding the disc)

Candace: Hee hee! Hee! Hee! Just a few more blocks and I'm gonna bust my brothers for all the stuff that's on this DVD!

(Back to Doof and Perry: Doofenshmirtz zaps the last part of the TV Perry was using for protection, then zaps Perry's remote)

Doofenshmirtz: Ha-HA! I got ya!

(Doofenshmirtz shoots at Perry, who handsprings out of the way; the remote's laser hits a mirror and bounces back. Doofenshmirtz dodges the reflected laser, which hits a leg on the Video-Beam-Hijack-Non-inator, causing it to tilt just as it fires)

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great. Now it's pointing in the wrong direction. The wrong direction!

Candace: (still running down the street) Heeheeheeheehee... Ooh! A dollar! (leans down to pick up the dollar just as the Non-inator's beam passes over her head)

Construction video: (being watched by an on-site water repairman, needing to insert a pipe marked with arrows between two other pipes marked with arrows) Welcome to Danville's new on-the-job video training program. When installing pipes, always make sure the arrows are pointing... (the Non-inator's beam hits the TV, switching the video image with that of Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: (on the on-site TV) ...the wrong direction! The wrong direction! The wrong direction, I tell you!

(The repairman uses an odd-looking wrench to fit the pipe in with the arrows pointing opposite directions. The pipe splits along each fitting, causing the very end of the pipe to launch off; it hits a one-way sign, turning it around. This redirects a DVD recycling truck towards oncoming traffic; alerted by other drivers' horns, the truck driver swerves off the road. The truck breaks through a guardrail and slides down a hill)

Candace: (having picked up the dollar) Hah! (gasps)

(The truck hits a barrier at the bottom of the hill, causing its back doors to open, sending a wave of DVDs at Candace. Candace holds her DVD above the incoming wave and successfully walks out of the pile, still with her disc)

Candace: Ha-ha, I made it! Hee, hee, hee, hee...

(The pipe fitted by the repairman bulges and bursts, sending it and the wrench flying, hitting a few birds on the way up.)

Candace: (turns around) AAAAHHH! (the birds dive-bomb her as she runs away) Birds?! What is happening?!?! (she dodges the birds)

Candace: That's it! I made it! I... AAAAHHH! (she trips and launches the DVD into the air) Oh no!

Candace: (seeing a parade of elephants coming down the street) A circus? What the...

(Candace does a front flip and kicks the disc back into the air just before reaching the elephants. She jumps onto the elephant's back, swings down a "PHINEAS" banner held by the circus performers, and zips past a unicycling clown. Candace suddenly finds herself juggling two bowling pins and the disc while unicycling, and launches off a road construction ramp. Candace catches the disc and rolls down a dirt pile to a stop.)

Balthazar: Can I have your autograph?

(the clown's hat lands on Candace's head, and the wrench lands in Candace's other hand)

Candace: Oh yeah, baby, it's happenin'.

(Back at D. E. I.)

Doofenshmirtz: (seeing the tilted Non-inator) Oh, now look what you made me do... 40 seconds ago, Perry the Platypus. Now I'm going to have to even out the legs! But first, I'm going to get even with you! (pushes the remote's button, but it doesn't work) I, oh, I, uh, I... I seem to be out of batteries. Could you wait while I go get the, um, uh... (Perry points another remote at Doofenshmirtz and fires) Perry the Platypus, no! (Doofenshmirtz ducks; the remote's laser misses him and hits the Non-inator, which explodes) Okay, maybe the "-inator" name wasn't the problem.

(Perry jetpacks away from D. E. I.)

Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus! (Perry hears this and smiles)

(Back at Phineas' party)

Linda: I just feel so bad we missed the video presentation while we were at the bakery.

Lawrence: Well, we couldn't very well serve that cake, the way those wild penguins tore it apart, could we? And to think that they were carried away by a freak tornado!

Candace: (running up) Mom! Mom! Mom!

Linda: Candace, you missed half the party!

Lawrence: (walking away) Triangular bubbles? How'd they ever do that?

Candace: That's okay, cause this is it-it-it!

Linda: This is what, Candace?

Candace: The day I finally win. The day I get what I've been after all summer long!

Linda: Oh, that.

Candace: Because today, I have this! (holds up the DVD)

Linda: What's that?

Candace: This? Oh, this is only...

Phineas: (over applause) Thank you, thank you, everyone!

Linda: Hold on, honey. I think Phineas is going to speak.

Phineas: (on stage) I just have to say, I'm a lucky guy. I mean, so far, this has been a rockin' great summer! I've sure had plenty of fun. But it's not about satisfying your personal desires. It's about all of you. Being surrounded by the best family (Linda and Lawrence hug) and the best friends (Buford and Baljeet tear up) anyone could ever hope to have. All the people I love, (Isabella sighs) and who love me right back. (Irving sighs) Today was a great day. The best day ever!

Candace: (looks at the DVD, then at Phineas; she starts bawling) WAAHH-HHHAHH! I can't do it! Not on his birthday! I mean, what kind of person am I? (smashes the DVD with the wrench)

Phineas: (walking up) Aw, Candace. You're a great person! Why, if I had a nickel for every time you did something nice for me... well, I wouldn't know what to do with that much money!

Candace: But I didn't even get you a...

Phineas: Wait a minute. (pointing at the wrench in Candace's hand) Is that... it is! A left-handed flange tuner! I've been looking for one of those forever!

Candace: You've been... huh?

Phineas: They're impossible to find! Custom-made for Danville's sewage repair, but they have a thousand uses! (takes the wrench) I love it! It's just what I've been wanting! (hugs Candace) Thank you, Candace!

Candace: (hugs Phineas) You're welcome.

Phineas: You're the best sister ever. (counter appears in the top-right of the screen, reading "$0.05")

Linda: All right, everybody. (next to a cake with a Phineas ornament on top) Who wants cake? (all the kids run up to her, shouting chaotically)

Buford: Buford wants cake! Buford wants cake! Me, me, me!

Baljeet: Me! I want the largest piece!

(Perry walks up to Candace and Phineas, and then chatters)

Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry. Some day, huh?

Candace: Yep, and I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. (she and Phineas walk away)

Clown: Hello? Did somebody order a circus? (beat) Hello? I knew I should've gotten the down payment on the elephants.

End credits
(Clips: Candace yelling for Mom; spliced and tuned to sound like the theme song)

Candace: Mooooooommmm!!!!

Mom! MOOOMM! Mom, mom! Mom! Mom!

MOOOOMMMMM! Mooommmm! MOOOMMMMM!!! (instrumental)

Mom! Mommm! Mooommmm! Mom! Mom! MOOOMMMM!!

Mom, Mom, Mom! MOOMMMM!! (instrumental)

Mom, Mom, Mom! Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!

Mom!! Mom, Mom!!! MOOOOMMMMM!!!!

Mom, Mom, Mom, MOOOMMMM!! Mom, Mom, Mom, MOOOMMMM!!

MOOoOoOoOOOOOOMMMmMMMMmMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

Candace: (over the Disney logo) Mom, Phineas and Ferb are digitally tuning my voice!