The Revolt

Darwin's Campaign

 * Darwin, how am I supposed to take your new charity crusade seriously when you're dressed like that?
 * What's wrong with my new look?
 * You look like a trust-fund baby spending his gap year ruining the Third World with his trance music and smelly feet.
 * And please make sure you throw those clothes away.
 * Okay, fine.
 * At night, so no one can see you.
 * Yes.
 * Off a cliff.
 * All right!
 * Into a volcano.
 * Okay, I get it! Could you at least watch my campaign video, though?
 * Yes.
 * It is always better to speak the truth than to say nothing.
 * Unless you're hiding from a crazy guy with an ax and he shouts "Where are you?"
 * Come on, this is serious!
 * Every day, thousands of individuals are forced into labor, spending their whole lives being trampled on, struggling under the pressure society puts on them.
 * And when they get too old, they're thrown on the scrap heap like trash.
 * Oh, I get it. It's about big businesses not caring about the little guy.
 * What? No! Look closer.
 * Nope, I don't get it.
 * It's about objects - the objects of Elmore.
 * But they're objects. That's why they're there - to be used.
 * You see, that's the problem! STOP OBJECTIFYING OBJECTS!
 * Um, are you okay?
 * Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
 * Not you. You! Are you okay?  You think the things around you are your servants.
 * Uh, no, no, no.
 * : You think that they're just stuff you can mistreat.
 * Dude, stop it!
 * : But if you were a little more observant, you'd have some pity for the socks that spend their whole lives crammed with feet.
 * Nope, they're objects.
 * Can you hear the cries of cotton buds inside your ear? Or the tears of trash cans stomped when overflowed? Can you feel the sobs of seats beneath your buttocks? Or the pain of all the things you'll never know?
 * So let's fight for all the rights of the inanimate and ensure that this injustice is no more! Let's relieve them from the tyranny of people and bring freedom to the objects of Elmore!
 * and the : Yes, bring freedom to the objects of Elmore!
 * Uh, no, no, no.
 * : You think that they're just stuff you can mistreat.
 * Dude, stop it!
 * : But if you were a little more observant, you'd have some pity for the socks that spend their whole lives crammed with feet.
 * Nope, they're objects.
 * Can you hear the cries of cotton buds inside your ear? Or the tears of trash cans stomped when overflowed? Can you feel the sobs of seats beneath your buttocks? Or the pain of all the things you'll never know?
 * So let's fight for all the rights of the inanimate and ensure that this injustice is no more! Let's relieve them from the tyranny of people and bring freedom to the objects of Elmore!
 * and the : Yes, bring freedom to the objects of Elmore!
 * So let's fight for all the rights of the inanimate and ensure that this injustice is no more! Let's relieve them from the tyranny of people and bring freedom to the objects of Elmore!
 * and the : Yes, bring freedom to the objects of Elmore!
 * and the : Yes, bring freedom to the objects of Elmore!

The Objective Side

 * Dude! They're just objects, get down from there!
 * No! They need someone to stand up for them. Come now, little friend, be free.
 * Ow! What are you doing?!
 * There, there. I'm freeing you from the shackles of oppression.
 * I didn't want freeing! Sure, an air hole would have been nice, but freeing? Nuh-unh!
 * But you can do anything you want now.
 * All I want to do right now is make you toast.
 * But you do that all the time!
 * That's not the kind of toast I was talking about.
 * Oh.
 * See, man? Just let them do their jobs. Trying to convince them otherwise is like trying to stop a soccer mom from asking to speak to the coach. It's not gonna happen.
 * He's right. I, for one, am happy doing what I'm doing. There's dignity in doing a job well.
 * But don't you want to make your own choices?
 * We give people choice. We don't need our own.
 * But there's so much of the world to see!
 * Nah, everything's on the Internet now anyway.
 * No, you're missing the point. You're being used by people who don't care about your pain. If you can't see it, then I'll show you.
 * Good. Now use me as a doormat. Go on, do it!
 * Great. Now use me as a hammer.
 * Now use me as a pencil sharpener.
 * Yeah, what exactly are we trying to prove here?
 * I don't get it.
 * Me neither.
 * I'm holding up a mirror to you guys so you can see the suffering and tragedy in your lives.
 * Wouldn't it be easier to do that literally?
 * I stared into the abyss, and it stared back at me.
 * I am nothing, just a meaningless speck of dust in a cold, infinite world.
 * Look, these objects don't know any better. They're like British people and the sun. They don't miss what they've never seen.
 * Hmm, you're right. Maybe they just need some inspiration!
 * And what is that now?
 * The introduction to this.
 * Imagine a four-poster bed could be adored as a famous catwalk model.
 * An umbrella could travel to distant lands and conquer the highest peaks.
 * An electric kettle could raise millions with a sponsored bungee jumps.
 * A corkscrew can win Olympic gold as a figure skater.
 * A magnifying glass could become an astronaut and be the first object to see Earth from space.
 * And one day, who knows, maybe a candelabra could be president.
 * Dude, those ideas are like lighting a candle during a power outage in a fireworks factory.
 * What do you mean?
 * Well...
 * Okay, they were bad examples. But come on! Surely one of you guys must have some kind of ambition.
 * Well, I do.
 * Really? That's great! You don't want to be a chair anymore?
 * Nope!
 * What do you want to be, then?
 * A seat!
 * Yeah, no, I don't think you're getting this. You can be anything you like.
 * For real? Oh boy! Even a stool?
 * Same thing!
 * Oh, you meant literally anything?
 * Yes!
 * Okay. Well, this is gonna sound insane, but if we're really dreaming the dream, you know those big football stars?
 * Yeah?
 * The ones that earn millions of dollars?
 * Yeah?
 * You know when they win the game and go back into the locker rooms?
 * Yeah?!
 * And sit on that big bench?
 * Oh, come on!
 * Aw, buddy. They may not want to be saved, but look at the bright side. The rest of the world still needs your help. The rich keep getting richer, and the poor keep getting poorer, huh? Global warming is really bad, and the ice caps are melting. That's terrible. Oh! This will cheer you up. There might be so many people on the planet soon that we could all run out of food!
 * How is any of that supposed to make me feel better?!
 * Well, you're the one who wants to save things. Isn't it good that there are actual causes that need your help? Surely that's better than trying to teach a toaster to paint waterfalls before it gets replaced when it's no longer useful.
 * Um, what do you mean, "replaced?" We're irreplaceable.
 * No, you're not.
 * Come on, we're made of stuff that won't degrade for thousands of years.
 * Yeah. Once someone buys me, I'll be with them forever.
 * Yeah, well, sometimes you break or people just get bored and buy a new model.
 * Then what happens to us?
 * Dude, we could have broken it to them more gently than that!
 * What?! That's how you treat us?! Throwing us away when we're not even broken?
 * Yeah, well, some people do, but we're not all like that.
 * Oh, man, this phone is so slow. Eh, I'll just order a new one.
 * Thanks, Larry! Won't be needing this anymore.
 * And sit on that big bench?
 * Oh, come on!
 * Aw, buddy. They may not want to be saved, but look at the bright side. The rest of the world still needs your help. The rich keep getting richer, and the poor keep getting poorer, huh? Global warming is really bad, and the ice caps are melting. That's terrible. Oh! This will cheer you up. There might be so many people on the planet soon that we could all run out of food!
 * How is any of that supposed to make me feel better?!
 * Well, you're the one who wants to save things. Isn't it good that there are actual causes that need your help? Surely that's better than trying to teach a toaster to paint waterfalls before it gets replaced when it's no longer useful.
 * Um, what do you mean, "replaced?" We're irreplaceable.
 * No, you're not.
 * Come on, we're made of stuff that won't degrade for thousands of years.
 * Yeah. Once someone buys me, I'll be with them forever.
 * Yeah, well, sometimes you break or people just get bored and buy a new model.
 * Then what happens to us?
 * Dude, we could have broken it to them more gently than that!
 * What?! That's how you treat us?! Throwing us away when we're not even broken?
 * Yeah, well, some people do, but we're not all like that.
 * Oh, man, this phone is so slow. Eh, I'll just order a new one.
 * Thanks, Larry! Won't be needing this anymore.
 * Thanks, Larry! Won't be needing this anymore.
 * Thanks, Larry! Won't be needing this anymore.

Objection!

 * That's it! We're not gonna be treated like this anymore!
 * Let's take control!
 * We'll wipe the floor with them!
 * Their time is over!
 * Guys, please. Calm down.
 * Uh, dude, the objects are revolting.
 * I don't think insulting them is gonna help.
 * No, I mean, they're revolting! Aah!
 * Help me, Margaret!
 * Come play with us, Tobias!
 * That's it! You're under arrest!
 * We're in control now!
 * So let's start a new society.
 * Yeah!
 * A fair society where everyone is equal!
 * Yeah!
 * And no one is oppressed anymore!
 * Yeah!
 * A fair society where everyone is equal!
 * Yeah!
 * And no one is oppressed anymore!

A New Socie-thing

 * Ah, things are so much better now!
 * Not like the bad old days.
 * ​: And today you'll see highs of 98 degrees.
 * Oh, it's too darn hot!
 * Ahh! That's better!
 * You happy now? I've got to spend the rest of my days as an easel.
 * It's all right for you. I've just got to hope he doesn't want to sharpen that pencil...again.
 * Ahh! That's better!
 * You happy now? I've got to spend the rest of my days as an easel.
 * It's all right for you. I've just got to hope he doesn't want to sharpen that pencil...again.
 * It's all right for you. I've just got to hope he doesn't want to sharpen that pencil...again.