What'd I Miss?

(Scene opens at Flynn-Fletcher house with Phineas, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet sitting under the tree)

Buford: So then the seamstress walks back into the stateroom and says, " 'Titanium'? I thought she said 'cranium'!" Hahaha, yeah. Pretty good punch line, huh?

Baljeet: Yes. All you need now is the first part, and then you will have a whole joke.

Phineas: Hey, look everyone, Ferb and Perry are back.

Buford: Hey, Ferb!

Isabella: What'cha doin' back from debate camp so soon?

Ferb: We finished earlier than expected.

(Flashback to earlier)

Debater: You're right. Judges, he's right. He's changed my entire world-view. Thank you.

Judge 1: It's so beautiful.

Judge 2: That kid is in it to win it, dawg.

(End flashback)

Phineas: You're just in time for acorn nut muffins made out of the training nuts from yesterday!

Ferb: Training nuts? Okay, what did I miss?

Phineas: It all started simply enough.

(Flashback to yesterday)

Phineas: (Narrating) I'd gotten up early to help Isabella earn her surf patch.

Isabella: Thanks for helping me earn my surf patch!

Phineas: (Narrating) And I told her it was no problem. (In flashback) No problem. (Narrating) It was at that point that I decided to stop narrating. (in flashback) My schedule's wide open. Here, take a look at this. I figured I'd make a few prototypes and once you pick your favorite, we'll design your board to look just like it.

Isabella: Awww, they're so cute and tiny a squirrel could surf on them. Now, if we only had a box of squirrels.

(Buford and Baljeet comes into the yard caring a box with them)

Baljeet: We found a box of squirrels!

Buford: Yeah, right next to a box of scorpions, which is what I wanted to bring over.

Baljeet: Buford, I won Rochambeau fair and square.

Isabella: What's Rochambeau?

Phineas: Rock-paper-scissors!

Isabella: Why didn't he just say that?

Buford: (Angrily) In what universe would a piece of paper ever beat a rock?

(Phineas and Isabella walk towards them)

Phineas: Hey, let's see the little guys.

Baljeet: Okay, but do not expect too much from them.

(Baljeet dumps the squirrels out of the box)

Phineas: What's wrong with them?

Baljeet: They appear to have been domesticated. They have no squirrel skills. Check it out.

(Baljeet holds a nut out)

Baljeet: Here little squirrellies. Here is a nut.

(He drops the nut on the floor, and the squirrels sniff and play with the nut)

Phineas: (to the squirrels) It's a nut, you eat it. (to Baljeet) I see what you mean. No squirrel skills. Ferb, I... Oh, that's right, he went to debate camp today.

Baljeet: Oh, oh! I will be Ferb! I have been practicing!

(Baljeet clears his throat and twists his head to make his eyes look like Ferb's)

Isabella: That's pretty good, Baljeet.

Phineas: Wow! It's as if he's right in front of us.

(Buford lays on the ground in a Perry like position)

Buford: Oh! Oh! Say "Where's Perry?" now. I've been practicing.

Phineas: Okay. Where's Perry?

Buford: I don't know. What are you asking me for?

(End flashback)

Phineas: And so, that's how the day began. Hey, where's Perry now?

(Perry enters into his lair, and Major Monogram sends him a message)

Major Monogram: Welcome back, Agent P. We hope you had a pleasant day off. Anyways, there's a crisis brewing in Danville, (camera pans to Perry, who grips his seat, then switches back to Major Monogram) and it could destroy the very fabric of our existence. There's never been a greater threat. Peaches! (Perry is shown with a confused look on his face, Major Monogram continues) Oh, you probably want me to explain the... (Major Monogram chuckles to himself) There's been a shortage of peaches in Danville lately, and we've traced it to Doofenshmirtz. Go find out what he's up to, and good... (Perry leaves) luck. Wow, guess he's in a hurry.

(Phineas continues his story to Ferb)

Phineas: It was about that time that Candace came up to us and said...

(Candace walks up to them)

Candace: Phineas and Ferb! I demand to know what it is that you've got planned today!

Phineas: Yeah, that.

Baljeet: Exactly like yesterday!

Buford: Except for the Ferb part.

Candace: Yeah, yeah, thanks. What are you guys doing?

Phineas: We're talking about what we did yesterday.

Candace: So, it's, like, a confession?

Phineas: Sure.

Candace  Oh, it's perfect. I'll go get Mom and she can hear everything.

Phineas: Good idea, Can...

(Candace interrupts Phineas while he is talking)

Candace: (points at Phineas) Now, don't say another word until we get back. (she points at Ferb) And that goes for you, too.

(Candace walks away)

Phineas: That was ironic, because Ferb doesn't usually talk.

Candace: (off screen) Duh!

(Perry lands at a beach, and is captured by Doofenshmirtz in a pile of sand)

Doofenshmirtz: Hello, Perry the Platypus! I take it for granted sometimes what a professional you are, especially after dealing with that guy they sent instead of you yesterday. So how was debate camp?

(Perry has a flashback to yesterday, when he was giving his speech)

Debater: (to Perry) You're right. (to judges) Judges, he's right. He's changed my entire world-view. And I thought that British kid was persuasive.

(End flashback)

Doofenshmirtz: You know, if you were flashing back just now, I couldn't see it. I'll bet you're wondering what I'm doing here at the beach... At the clam bake. With an oven. And normally, I'd be all about telling you, and it's a really cool plan, too! It involves my latest invention, the Peach Cobbler-inator.

(Vanessa walks up with the Peach Gobbler-inator on a tray. Doofenshmirtz takes it, and she walks away)

Doofenshmirtz: But I'm getting way ahead of myself. I have to tell you about yesterday for any of this to make any sense! It all started with an establishing shot at my building.

(Flashback to yesterday, starts at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.! Yesterday.

Doofenshmirtz: (while cleaning an -inator) Huh. Perry the Platypus should be arriving right about... Now!

(The rhino agent crashes through the door)

Doofenshmirtz: How completely unexpected! (climbs down the ladder) And by that I mean, it really was actually enexpected. (walks towards Agent R) Well, you have a hat, so you must be an agent. I guess that means Perry the Platypus is not coming, so... (takes a controller from his lab coat) A-ha!

(Doofenshmitz pushes the button and a tiny trap captures the rhino agent)

Doofenshmirtz: Consider yourself trapped. Allow me to explain my diabolical plan. You see, my brother, Roger, the mayor, is hosting a beauty contest that will...

(Agent R cuts him off)

Doofenshmirtz: Hey! (sighs) For Pete's sake, I'm pontificating here! Sheesh! Okay, okay. Long evil plan short, I wanted to ruin Roger's day. You see, he's officiating at an "Everyone's A Winner" beauty pageant. (scoffs) That's so him. Uh, my scheme involved domesticated squirrels, paper doilies, and those containers that pantyhose used to come in. You know, about this big? (Agent R glares) But, uh, I couldn't figure out a way to make them all work together...

(Camera pans back to Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: ...because I was distracted by a leaky faucet in the kitchen! Turns out that was actually the perfect idea. So I ditched the squirrels... You know, this isn't really making my evil plan short like I promised. Sorry. Anyway, behold! The A-Leaky-Faucet-inator. I will disgrace and humiliate Roger by dropping one big drop of water and...

(Crashing)

Doofenshmirtz: Hey, where'd you go? (Camera pans to Agent R, who's eating from the trash) Oh, no! You're getting coffee grounds everywhere! This is so much smoother with Perry the Platypus. I'm just saying.

(Scene shifts to the backyard)

Candace: (while pushing Linda) Right out here, Mom!

Linda: (waves) Hi, kids! (to Candace) All right, what's this all about?

Phineas: We're telling Ferb the story of what we did yesterday.

Linda: Oh, I love stories!

Candace: Oh, oh, it's not just stories, but full disclosure!

Linda: Okay. (to Phineas) Go ahead.

(She and Candace sits on the lawn)

Buford: Well, we finally got to the musical part of the story. We all decided it was high time to teach the squirrels how to be squirrels.

(Flashback to yesterday)

(Song: "Be a Squirrel")

So you've been domesticated,

Lost your identity.

Buford: ''C'mon. C'mon.''

Just listen up and you can learn to be the best that you can be.

Gather nuts and scurry

And dodge a car or three.

If you concentrate you'll graduate

And learn to climb a tree.

But for now we'll show you how to make every chestnut count.

Isabella: Whooouhh...

We'll make you sweat, you won't regret.

Remember, put them in your mouth.

Be a squirrel (Come along, be a rodent trainee),

Be a squirrel (And you will finally be free).

Be a squirrel! (Be at the top of your family tree),

Be a squirrel! (Be a squirrel It's your destiny).

Whooooooooaahh!

(Phineas checks off everything on a list)

(End flashback)

Linda: (after a pause) Buford, you taught the squirrels to dance?

Buford: I'm like an onion.

Baljeet: Because you have layers?

Buford: Yeah, that, too.

(Scene shifts to the beach)

Doofenshmirtz: Anyway, after I cleaned up the coffee grounds, I loaded the A-Leaky-Faucet-inator and Agent R, I guess,...

(Flashback to yesterday; Doofenshmirtz, on his rocket skiff, arrives at City Hall)

Doofenshmirtz: (narrating) ...onto my rocket skiff and headed off to Roger's beauty contest. We arrived just in time for the swimsuit competition.

Roger: Oh, very nice. Twelve meters. We have a new record.

Doofenshmirtz: There he is, the big show-off. With his big smile (leans against Agent R) and his keys in his pocket and his lumberjack-like...

(bird squawking)

Doofenshmirtz: Hey! Hey, no. Shoo! Shoo! Get out of here. Go find another symbiotic relationship! Anyway, now that we've... Hey, hey! What do you... This actually feels great. Oh, I see why you like it. Anyway, and I'm going to power up the inator now. (pushes a button on the inator) Here we go. Powering up.

(A large drop of water starts to come of the A-Leaky-Faucet-inator. Camera pans down to Roger then back to Doofenshmirtz.)

Doofenshmirtz: Yup. You know, uh, this is the time where you escape and try to destroy my inator. Oh, for Pete's sake, I... (releases Agent R) There! Now, attack! Start thwarting! (Agent R walks away) No... No, no, no, no, don't just walk awa... (sighs) I miss Perry the Platypus.

(Agent R accidentally "punches" a hole through the rocket skiff)

Doofenshmirtz: Whoa! Wait, wait, wait. Watch out there.

(The rocket skiff spins out of control)

Doofenshmirtz: Why isn't the water coming off? It's beautiful.

(The drop of water leaves the A-Leaky-Faucet-inator)

(Scene shifts to the backyard)

Buford: Good job, cadets! Now, back down the tree. No, not like that! Head first! Sheesh, it's like I'm talking to myself here.

(In the living room, Candace is taking Linda out to the backyard)

Candace: Let's go, Mom. You got to see this.

(Back in the backyard, the large drop of water lands on the squirrels, who are now standing on the lawn. Surf music then plays while the squirrels surfs out of the backyard. Camera then pans to the kids.)

Phineas: Wow, look at 'em go!

Isabella: They're doing a pyramid! I didn't even teach them that.

Buford: Good luck, little guys. I'll think of you whenever I get a rabies shot! Which is often.

(Scene shifts to Doofenshmirtz, whose rocket skiff is still spinning out of control)

Doofenshmirtz: (screaming)

Roger: Thank you, Katie Bogosian, for the whistling belly button performance. You probably should see a doctor. But that concludes our talent competition, unless there are any last-minute drop-ins?

(Agent R, with Doofenshmirtz holding onto him, lands on the platform. Doofenshmirtz then screams while the rhino agent tries to buck him off.)

Judge 1: It's so beautiful.

Judge 2: That pharmacist is in it to win it, dawg! (Cameras pans left to reveal a dog) See, I'm actually talking to a dog. That's right. Talkin' to a dawg.

(End flashback)

Doofenshmirtz: (now wearing a pink sash with the words "KING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS" in red lettering) And I was crowned (places a crown on his head) King Pretty Pretty Princess. Which, now that I think of it, is a contradiction in terms, but it was the first time I ever won anything. So it's gotten me all obsessed about entering contests. But the only thing I'm good at is baking peach cobbler, so I, I invented... Oh, yeah. I told you, "Behold the Peach-Cobbler-inator." What it does is it makes everyone want peach cobbler more than anything else in the world. So whether it's a chili cook-off or a dancing competition or a quiliting bee, or whatever, the, the judges will be compelled to choose peach cobbler as the winner every time.

(Camera pans to a glaring Perry)

Doofenshmirtz: Plus, it's waterproof, it's shockproof, (Camera pans back to him) it's windproof, it's...

(sizzles)

Doofenshmirtz: Huh. But it isn't sandproof. Fancy that. I suppose, since I planned to take it to the beach, maybe I should have considered...

(Doofenshmirtz tosses the Peach-Cobbler-inator over his shoulder, which fires a green ray. Camera pans to DEI, where the ray bounces off it, then back to the beach where Perry leaves on his jetpack.)

Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus... and my own poor planning skills! (notices smoke coming from an oven) Oh, no! My cobbler! Oh! How can this day get any worse?

(The rocket skiff falls on Doofenshmirtz)

Doofenshmirtz: Ow! Does that mean this thing's been flying around since yesterday?

(An incoming wave washes Doofenshmirtz and the broken rocket skiff into the water)

(Scene shifts to the backyard)

Candace: So, there you have it! Are you gonna bust them, or what? (stands up) Wait. (takes out a camera) Okay, go ahead.

Linda: Actually, I just love that you kids trained poor, abandoned little squirrels and helped them get back to the wild. I am so proud of you!

Candace: No, you can't! I want justice! I want... (the ray from the Peach-Cobbler-inator hits her) Peach cobbler.

Linda: Well, lucky for you, I made peach cobbler.

Candace: Peach cobbler.

Linda: I heard you the first time, honey.

End Credits
(Song: "Be a Squirrel")

Been domesticated,

Lost your identity.

Buford: ''C'mon. C'mon.''

Just listen up and you can learn to be the best that you can be.

Gather nuts and scurry

And dodge a car or three.

If you concentrate you'll graduate

And learn to climb a tree.

Isabella: Whooouhh...

Be a squirrel (Come along, be a rodent trainee),

Be a squirrel (And you will finally be free).

Be a squirrel! (Be at the top of your family tree),

Be a squirrel! (Be a squirrel It's your destiny).

Whooooooooaahh!