Class Picture

TEASER / COLD OPENING

FADE IN: INT. CLASSROOM - DAY (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

"CLASS PICTURE DAY" WRITTEN ON THE BLACKBOARD. ERIC, DONNA, KELSO, JACKIE AND FEZ HANGS AT THE TABLES WITH SOME OTHER STUDENTS, ALL DRESSED UP. JACKIE WORKS ON KELSO'S HAIR. ERIC AND FEZ ARE TRYING TO HIT EACH OTHER.

JACKIE: Now, Michael, for your class picture, don't forget to do the over-the-shoulder shot. That's the best one. (SHE DEMONSTRATES) KELSO: Oh yea, I love that pose. It makes me look coy.

HYDE ENTERS AND SITS DOWN.

HYDE: Hey, guys, Tommy Hedges just got his picture taken with a big old booger! ERIC:So, why were you in Tommy Hedges' picture? (LAUGHS PROUDLY) DONNA: (TO HYDE) So, he had a booger and you didn't tell him? HYDE: He'll find out. It'll be in the yearbook. FEZ: That's true. That's how I found out I was adorable. JACKIE: No, seriously. The only thing more important than your yearbook picture is your yearbook quote. KELSO: Ah, I've got that covered. My quote's gonna be "What a long, strange trip it's been." Yeah, that's freakin' profound.

EVERYONE ROLLS THEIR EYES.

ERIC: Kelso, every lame-o hippie in the history of time has used that quote. KELSO: Yeah, that's 'cause it's good. JACKIE: No, Michael. Your quote has to be meaningful, so you can remember the good time when you're like, thirty, with no reason left to live. DONNA: Okay, hidden in Jackie's extremly disturbing thought is a grain of truth. We need a really good quote this year. JACKIE: Well, all the best quotes are about the things that means alot to you, like for example me. My hair. Or my Personality. Or the sparkle I bring to your dull, grey, lives. HYDE: Or, the feeling of relief we get, when you leave the room. ERIC: Nah, you know what? We need a quote that is about all of us. Like, maybe like how we all met. DONNA: (TO ERIC) Remeber how we first met? (LAUGHING) FEZ: Ooh, is this a sexy story? DONNA: It's really more sad than sexy. ERIC: (SADLY) Yeah. HYDE: (TO ERIC) That's pretty much how it goes for you, isn't it? ERIC: (SADLY, SIGHS) Yeah.

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY - 1968 (Eric (7), Donna (7), Red, Kitty, Bob)

RED AND KITTY ENTERS FROM KITCHEN, ERIC (7) FOLLOWS THEM, CARRYING A PLATE OF BROWNIES ( NOT SPECIAL :) ).

KITTY: Got your brownies for the new neighbours, Eric? ERIC (7): Yes, mommy. KITTY: (TO RED) How do I look? RED: Well, you got a little something right the... (REACHES OUT TO TOUCH KITTYS HAIR; KITTY SLAPS RED BEFORE HE REACHES) KITTY: Don't touch it! I had to sleep sitting up to keep it like this. RED: Well, I just hope these new neighbours are better than the last ones. That Gus Griffin was a complete dumbass.

BOB AND DONNA (7) ENTERS FROM THEIR HOUSE. BOB CARRIES A PIE.

BOB: Hiya, neighbours. KITTY: Well, Hello! We were just coming to welcome you. BOB: Looks like we beat you to the pinchity-punch! RED: Ah, damn! BOB: I'm Bob Pinciotti, this is my daughter Donna, my wife Midge will be over later, her thumb's caught in something right now. KITTY: Well, we've all done that. I guess. (THEN) I'm Kitty, and this is Red, and this is our son Eric.

ERIC GIVES THE PLATE OF BROWNIES TO BOB.

KITTY: Eric, say hello to Donna.

ERIC STARES AT AT DONNA, SMITTEN (HEARTS POPPING, SPECIAL FX). DONNA IS NOT SMILING.

DONNA (7): What are you looking at, string bean?

SHE PUNCHES HIM IN THE STOMACH. ERIC BENDS OVER IN PAIN.

ERIC (7): (IN LOVE) Wow. You're strong.

OPENING CREDITS

END OF TEASER



INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS DAY (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

THE GANG LAUGHS. ERIC DOESN'T

ERIC: Yeah, go ahead and laugh. None of you got punched by Madame Manfist here. DONNA: You were creepy, what can I say. HYDE: Forman beat up by a little girl. Seems like only yesterday. Oh wait, I think it happened yesterday too. ERIC: That's... You like that story Hyde, maybe I should talk about the first time you and I met.

HYDE STOPS LAUGHING.

HYDE: No. ERIC: Yes. HYDE: NO! ERIC: YES! HYDE: (YELLING) You promised! ERIC: (YELLING) I'm telling!

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY - 1968 (Eric (7), Hyde (7), Red, Kitty)

ERIC (7) AND HYDE (7) WALSK TOWARDS THE HOUSE. HYDE (7) HAS A DIRT SMUDGE ON HIS CHEEK.

ERIC (7): Thanks for walking me home, Steven. That redheaded girl hits really hard. HYDE (7): Some Advice? Never let a girl stand on your head like that. Bad for the rep. ERIC (7): Okay, Steven. HYDE (7): ...and it's Hyde. ERIC (7): Thanks, Hyde. Hey, wouldn't it be funny if my last name was Seek? (EXCITED) You know, Hyde and Seek. HYDE (7): That's stupid. And you owe me a quarter.

ERIC GETS A QUARTER FROM HIS RIGHT POCKET AS KITTY AND RED ENTER FROM THE HOUSE.

KITTY: Well now, who do we have here? ERIC (7): This is Hyde. KITTY: Aw, you have a new little friend! (TO RED) Red, get the camera. HYDE (7): I'm not his friend. I'm a hired gun. RED: Kitty, don't embarrace the boy. KITTY: Oh, don't be silly. It's nice to have a new friend. Especially one who is so... (OFF HYDE) dirty!. (TO HYDE) You know what's fun?

SMASH CUT TO: INT. FORMAN BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER - 1968 (Eric (7), Hyde (7), Red)

ERIC (7) AND HYDE (7) SIT, MISERABLE, IN THE BATHTUB TOGETER. RED STANDS OVER THEM.

RED: I'm sorry, Son.

RED LEAVES

HYDE (7): If you ever tell anyone about this, I'll kill you.

ERIC OFFERS HYDE A RUBBER DUCKY. HYDE SLAPS IT AWAY.

INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS (DAY) (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

EVERYONE EXCEPT HYDE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY.

HYDE: (TO ERIC) Now I have to kill you. FEZ: I don't know, I like to bathe with friends. They can reach places you can't.

THEY ALL LOOK AT HIM.

KELSO: Yeah, that's probobly best kept to yourself, buddy.

JACKIE LOOKS DOWN INTO KELSO'S LAP, KELSO IS LOOKING THROUGH AN OLD YEARBOOK.

JACKIE: You guys, look at Erics last year's picture.

THEY GATHER AROUND THE BOOK.

HYDE: Ah, the famous makeup-covered zit. ERIC: Look, I only wanted one year of clear skin to remember, and if that means breaking out the old powder-puff, so be it. DONNA: You really never had a zit-free picture. JACKIE: Remember the one on his nose? FEZ: And the one on his lip? DONNA: And the one on the one on his lip? HYDE: And the one we thought was a second little alien Eric growing out of his cheek?

KELSO PUTS HIS HAND TO HIS CHEEK, AND MOVES IT WHILE IMITATING ERIC'S ZIT.

KELSO: (ALIEN VOICE) I mean no harm to your planet. I will attack if you attempt to pop me. HYDE: Ah, zits.

MUSIC CUE: "POP THAT THANG" BY THE ISLEY BROTHERS BEGIN MONTAGE:VARIOUS PICTURES OF ERIC. WE SEE SCHOOL PICTURES FLASH THROUGH A LA THE "SLEDGEHAMMER" VIDEO. IN EACH ONE, ERIC HAS A HUGE ZIT IN A DIFFERENT PLACE. THE LAST ONE IS ON THE END OF HIS NOSE. ALSO, ERIC GOT A DIFFERENT, MORE COMPLEX NICKNAME IN EVER SHOT. END MONTAGE. MUSIC CUE: MUSIC ENDS

THE GANG LAUGHS. ERIC DOESN'T.

ERIC: Hey, those days are over. Okay, I'm zit-free this year, and you wanna know why? I have become a man.

THEY ALL GUFFAW.

ERIC (CONT'D): No, I'm serious! I am man, I am zitless. Hear me roar. That... should be our yearbook quote. FEZ: What about a quote from the happiest day of your lives DONNA: When was that? FEZ: The day you met me!

NT. GYM FOYER - DAY - 1976 (Eric, Kelso, Hyde, Fez)

ERIC, KELSO and HYDE ARE TALKING.

KELSO: Potsie says, "Sit on it", right to the Fonz's face. That's brave. HYDE: (TO ERIC) Hey, what's with Donna? ERIC: What? We're just friends. God, why would you even ask that? I don't like her! Me and Donna, it's like, it's.. gross! HYDE: Hey man, I was just asking why she wasn't in class today. ERIC: Oh. Then.. never mind. KELSO: BUSTED!

THEY HEAR A MUTED CRY FOR HELP FROM THE CLOSET.

FEZ: Help! Americans, please help me! ERIC: What's that? KELSO: I heard from in here.

THEY OPEN THE CLOSET DOOR. FEZ IS HANGING ON THE INSIDE OF IT, HOLDING A RED BALL.

FEZ: Oh, hello. HYDE: Who the hell are you? FEZ: I am the new foreign exchange student. The football team asked me if I wanted to "hang out". (THEN, SADLY) I shouldn't have said "yes". I can't feel my legs.

THE LOOK AT HIM. KELSO PICKS UP A BALL FROM FEZ.

ERIC: What are you gonna do? KELSO: I'm gonna chuck it at him! HYDE: Leave him alone.

HE GRABS FEZ AND GETS HIM DOWN.

HYDE: Look man, if those jocks try to do this to you again, just come find me. FEZ: Thanks. You're my best friend. Let's hold hands. HYDE: Uh, no. (TURNING AROUND, TO ERIC AND KELSO) Let's go.

THEY START TO WALK AWAY. FEZ STAYS ON HYDE'S HEELS. HYDE NOTICES, AND STOPS. FEZ STOPS. HYDE RUNS A FEW STEPS. FEZ RUNS A FEW STEPS. HYDE SIGHS, AND TURNS AROUND.

HYDE (CONT'D): I'm Hyde. ERIC: I'm Eric. FEZ: Oh, you're the one who loves Donna. ERIC :I do not! (SILENT) Damn. FEZ: My name is (BELL RINGS; according to the That '70s Special, Fez says the names of all the characters on the show.) HYDE: Okay, I'm not gonna remember that. KELSO: I know. Let's call him Captain Poo Face.

HYDE GRABS THE BALL WHICH KELSO STILL HOLDS AND CHUCKS IT AT HIM. THEY START TO WRESTLE.

KELSO: Aw.. my eye! God. ERIC: Yeah. This happens alot. FEZ: I'm sure it does. (THEN) Donna-lover!

HYDE AND KELSO CONTINUE TO WRESTLE.

INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS (DAY) (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

THE GANG, MINUS ERIC, LAUGHS.

KELSO: I forgot about Captain Poo Face. ERIC: And I did not like her then! Damn! DONNA: You know what I love about Kelso? Hyde just keeps beating the crap out of him. KELSO: Th-ahh. That is false. Sh. Name one time! DONNA: With pleasure.

SMASH CUT TO: INT. FORMAN KITCHEN (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde)

THEY ALL SIT IN THE KITCHEN, EATING.

HYDE: (SIGHS) I love mashed potatoes. KELSO: Oh yeah.

KELSO PUTS A MOUTHFUL OF MASHED POTATOES IN HIS MOUTH THAN SPITS IT OUT ALLOVER HYDE'S PLATE. THE HE LAUGHS.

ERIC: Uh-oh!

HYDE DROPS HIS KNIFE OR FORK AND ATTACKS KELSO, PULLING HIM ONTO THE FLOOR.

KELSO: Aw, not my eye!

SMASH CUT TO: EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde)

THEY ALL ARE PLAYING BASKETBALL.

HYDE: Foul! KELSO: You know what's foul? Your play.

HYDE ATTACKS KELSO AND DRAGS HIM ONTO THE GROUND.

KELSO: Aw, that's my eye!

SMASH CUT TO: INT. FORMAN BASEMENT (Donna, Kelso, Hyde)

THEY ARE HANGING OUT. KELSO RUNS IN AND CHANGES THE CHANNEL ON THE TV.

HYDE: Change it back! KELSO: No! HYDE: CHANGE IT BACK! KELSO: (MOCKING) NOOOOO!

HYDE ATTACKS KELSO AND DRAGS HIM ONTO THE FLOOR. WHILE DONNA CHANGES CHANNEL TO THE ORIGINAL ONE (??).

KELSO: Aw, my eye!

SMASH CUT TO: INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS (DAY) (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

KELSO: (TO HYDE) Seriously man, you keep hurting my eye. JACKIE: That's a terrible story. I'm not even in that one. HYDE: That's what makes it good.

ERIC ENTERS.

ERIC: Okay people. Please remain calm. I'm still zit-free. I'm gonna make it. (TO THE HEAVENS) I'M GONNA MAKE IT! DONNA: Okay, stop goofing around. We need to think of a better memory. FEZ: (TO DONNA) What about the day I met you? All of you.

INT. HALLWAY OUTISDE DONNA'S BEDROOM - DAY - 1976 (Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Fez)

HYDE, KELSO AND FEZ WALKS DOWN THE HALLWAY.

KELSO: (TO FEZ) You're gonna like Donna, she's pretty cool man.

THEY GET TO HER DOOR. HYDE KNOCKS ONCE AND WALKS IN WITHOUT WAITING FOR A RESPONSE.

INT. DONNA'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS (Donna, Kelso (O.S.), Hyde, Fez)

DONNA IS IN THE MIDDLE OF CHANGING. WE SEE FROM BEHIND THAT SHE IS NOT WEARING A SHIRT. HYDE AND FEZ'S FACES LIGHT UP. KELSO IS STILL IN THE HALL.

DONNA: Hyde! HYDE: Wow! Sorry. Wow! FEZ: You're right, I Like her!

DONNA SLAMS THE DOOR IN THEIR FACES.

KELSO: No wait! I didn't see! Wait!

THEY CONTINUE TO KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS (DAY) (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

THE GANG, EXCEPT FOR DONNA, LAUGHS.

FEZ: Now, that's a good memory. Or should I say "mammary?" (LAUGHS) KELSO: I don't want to remember that story. It just reminds me that I'm the only person here who's never seen Donna's jahoobs. DONNA: Well, it's not like you never tried!

INT. DONNA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - 1976 (Donna, Kelso)

DONNA SITS ON HER BED, READING. KELSO BARGES IN.

KELSO: Opps, sorry! (OFF DONNA) Aw, damn.

HE TURNS AND LEAVE.

INT. DONNA'S BEDROOM - THE NEXT DAY - 1976 (Donna, Kelso)

DONNA SITS AT HER DESK. KELSO BARGES IN

KELSO: Opps, sorry! (OFF DONNA) Aw, damn.

HE TURNS AND LEAVE.

INT. DONNA'S BEDROOM - THE NEXT DAY - 1976 (Donna, Kelso)

DONNA LAYS ON HER BED, DOING HOMEWORK. KELSO BARGES IN

KELSO: Opps, sorry! (OFF DONNA) Dammit!

HE TURNS AND LEAVE. AS DONNA THROWS A PEN AT HIM.

INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS - DAY (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

JACKIE HITS KELSO ON THE SHOULDER.

HYDE: Hey, speaking of boobs. Forman's growing one out of his forehead.

THEY LOOK AT ERIC, WHO HAS A RED ZIT FORMING ON HIS FOREHEAD. HE REACHES UP AND FEELS IT.

ERIC: What? FEZ: Oh, Eric. Your curse has returned. DONNA: Yeah, and it needs a bra. (LAUGHS) Oh Yeah, Dolly Parton called your forehead, she want's her boob back.

THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON: ERIC'S NEW ZIT FADE OUT.

INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS (DAY) (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

ERIC UNHAPPILY EXAMINES HIS NEW ZIT IN A HAND MIRROR.

ERIC: God, I can actually see this thing growing. It's like.. Jiffy Pop. KELSO: My friend once, he had a really big zit, he tried to pop it, all the pus went into his brain, and it killed him. DONNA: Oh, really Kelso? What friend? KELSO: You didn't know him. DONNA: That's because he doesn't exist. KELSO: 'Cause he's dead now! JACKIE: People! We are losing focus here. What is our quote going to be? And let's remember our goal is to have it be about me. KELSO: I can't think about anything right now except Forman's zit. It's hypnotic (GRABBIG ERIC'S CHIN, PUSHING ERIC'S FACE FROM LEFT TO RIGHT) It sort of follows you around the room like Mona Lisa. DONNA: Hey, you wanna know something that is funnier than Eric's zit? The day I met Jackie.

INT. GYM - DAY - 1973 (Eric (13), Donna (13), Kelso (13), Hyde (13), Jackie (12))

ERIC (13), DONNA (13), KELSO (13), HYDE (13), AND JACKIE (12) TALKS IN THE GYM, DONNA IS HOLDING A RED BALL.

JACKIE (12): Hey, Donna. We haven't met before. I guess because I'm richer than you. DONNA (13): (THROWS THE BALL AT JACKIE) Hey Jackie. JACKIE (12): Aw, that hurt you lumberjack. HYDE (13): Welcome to public school!

JACKIE (12) RUNS AWAY WHILE THE GANG RETURNS TO IDLE CONVERSATION.

INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS (DAY) (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

ERIC LAUGHS.

ERIC: I can't believe I missed that. JACKIE: (TO ERIC) You know when you laugh, you get a little wrinkle in your zit. FEZ: It got personality. ERIC: Well. What am I supposed to do? It hurts way too much to pop. HYDE: Come here man, let me see it.

ERIC LEANS IN. HYDE THWACKS HIS ZIT. ERIC WRITHES IN PAIN.

ERIC: Quit it! DONNA: Yeah! Kelso's "friend" died that way. KELSO: Donna, he did! DONNA: Whatever. Look, all I know is there gotta be a some good quote off Jackie getting hit in the head. Like, "Awesome, Jackie got hit in the head!" JACKIE: No, no no. That was a stupid story. You know, I want to remember the happy times. Maybe something romantic. KELSO: Ooh, like our first date. JACKIE: Yeah. (WRAPPING HER ARM AROUND KELSO) KELSO: Let me tell it.

INT. FORMANS BASEMENT - DAY - 1968 (Eric (7), Kelso (7), Jackie (6), Red, Kitty)

ERIC (7) SITS ON THE COUCH NEXT TO A BLANKET FORT. GIGGLING COMES FROM INSIDE THE FORT. KITTY AND RED IS TALKING TO ERIC (7).

KITTY: Red, Michael is in a fort with another girl. RED: All right, everybody out!

HE PULL UP THE BLANKET, KELSO (7) AND JACKIE (6) IS INSIDE. KELSO (7) WEARS A TOY STETOSCOPE.

KITTY: Michael Kelso, have you been playing doctor with the Burkhart girl? KELSO (7): No, I am a doctor. RED: (LAUGING) Good one. (OFF KITTY'S LOOK, STERNLY) I mean, you are a very bad boy. JACKIE (6): (THROWS ARMS AROUND KELSO) Don't yell at him! I love him!

INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS - DAY (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

JACKIE TURNS TOWARDS KELSO.

JACKIE: Michael! That was not our first date! KELSO: Yeah. But I got further on that day than I did on our actual first date, so that's what I like to remember. ERIC: Yeah. You made a great impression on my parents that year.

INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM - DAY - 1968 (Eric (7), Kelso (7), Red, Kitty)

KELSO (7) KNOCKS AT THE DOOR. RED OPENS IT. KELSO (7) IS STANDING THERE, WEARING A RED T-SHIRT BUT NO PANTS.

KELSO (7): Hi, Mister Forman! Is Eric home? RED: Uh, yes, but.. (CALLING OFF) Kitty?

ERIC (7) AND KITTY JOINS RED AT THE DOOR. THE BOTH LOOK AT KELSO.

KITTY: Oh, my. (LAUGHING) Michael, honey, did you maybe forget something? KELSO (7): What?

KELSO (7) LOOKS DOWN.

KELSO (7) (CONT'D): My pants!

KELSO (7) RUNS OFF. THE FORMANS IS STANDING THERE LAUGHING, THEN KITTY CLOSES THE DOOR.

INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS - DAY (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

THE GANG LAUGHS, KELSO DOESN'T.

KELSO: Why isn't anyone telling nice stories? DONNA: Everyone can think of a quote, (I mean) why can't we? HYDE: Hey, why don't we use Lisa Manning's. (OFF YEARBOOK) "Hangin' at the mall, Kahlua and ice cream, Bobby Sutton's a God - Yeah!" ERIC: This is so sad. It's like.. what have we been doing with our lives?

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY - 1968 (Eric (7), Kelso (7), Hyde (7))

IT'S NOT SMOKEY. THEY ARE PLAYING CARDS.

HYDE (7): Hey Kelso. Who's got stronger powers, I dream of Jeannie or Samantha from "Bewitched"? KELSO (7): That's easy. Samantha. Witches totally beat genies. 'Cause witches can fly. Game over. ERIC (7): Hey, why does Jeannie war those see-through clothes? It's gross. And it makes me feel funny.

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY - 1973 (Eric (13), Kelso (13), Hyde (13))

NOW IT'S SMOKEY. EVERYONE IS WEARING FUNNY GLASSES. HYDE (13) EATS PRETZELS.

HYDE (13): No way is Samantha hotter than Jeannie! Hey, I heard they made an episode they never aired where Jeannie gets totally naked. The government banned it. KELSO (13): All I know is, with one little nose twitch, Samantha's clothes could be off! And that's hot. ERIC (13): What if you didn't have to choose? What if you could be with both... at the same time?

CAMERA REVERSES BACK TO KELSO.

KELSO (13): (JAW HANGING OPEN, POSSIBLY DROOLING) Is that legal?

CAMERA REVERSES BACK TO HYDE.

HYDE (13): Hey man, if you don't get caught, everything is legal! (OFFERING PRETZELS) Stolen pretzel?

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY - 1977 (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez)

ERIC TAKES A BAG OF PRETZEL FROM OFFSCREEN.

ERIC: (LAUGHING) Guys, this conversation is over. Yesterday Samantha went back in time! That trums anything Jeannie ever did. KELSO: Oh yeah? Well Jeannie can freeze time. So, Samantha would go back, but Jeannie can just freeze here there. Who kicked whose ass then? HYDE: You know what would decide this whole thing? A little Samantha on Jeannie mud wrestling. I'd pay a dollar to see that. FEZ: All I know is, Samantha helps Darrin at work, but what does Jeannie do for Major Nelson? Turns his boss into a monkey. That is not helpful.

PAN TO ERIC. DONNA PLOPS DOWN NEXT TO HIM.

DONNA: I've got to call Major Nelson's sexuality into question here. I mean any guy who's got a half-naked genie, he's going to have her doing more than his laundry.

PAN TO KELSO. JACKIE SITS ON HIS LAP.

JACKIE: You know what would be best? Samantha's hair, Jeannie's pretty bottle room and Wonder Woman's accessories. (BLOCKING SHOTS WITH IMAGINARY BRACELETS) Pew-pew, pew-pew. HYDE: (GIGGLES) Hey, you guys. We've been talking about this for a really, really long time.

HYDE GETS ALOT OF PRETZELS THROWN AT HIM.

CUT TO: AN OVERHEAD CRANE SHOT OF THE GROUP, AS THEY ALL FALL BACKWARDS, LAUGHING.

MUSIC CUE: "TRUCING" BY THE GRATEFUL DEAD SWELLS FOR THE LYRIC "WHAT A LONG, STRANGE TRIP IT'S BEEN"

INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS - DAY (Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Extras)

KELSO: I've got it. I got the quote. "What a long strange trip it's been... in Forman's basement!" DONNA: Yeah, we have made a lot of memories in that basement. HYDE: To bad we can't remember any of them. ERIC: Allright, guys, I think it's ready. I'm off to pop!

HE GETS UP AND RUNS OFF

JACKIE: Wait a minute. I hate that quote. My name isn't anywhere in that quote. KELSO: Okay fine, you know, I'll just make my quote. "What a long strange trip it's been... with Jackie Burkhart?" JACKIE: Yeah, okay, but without the "long strange trip" part. KELSO: Allright, so I'll just write... JACKIE: "I love Jackie Burkhart." KELSO: Okay.

JACKIE HUGS KELSO. ERIC RETURNS. HE HAS A HUGE RED MARK ON HIS FORHEAD.

ERIC: Okay, I did it. Looks better right?

DONNA/HYDE/KELSO/JACIE/FEZ (COMPLIMENTS)

ERIC: Great. Allright. Picture Time. DONNA: Yeah, I meat you guys in there. I gotta change my blouse. Everybody out.

EVERYONE EXITS BUT DONNA. THE DOOR CLOSES. A BEAT. KELSO BARGES IN.

KELSO: Oops, sorry! DONNA: Kelso. We just talked about this today! KELSO: Well damn, Donna. If you'd just let me see them, I'd stop. DONNA: Fine.

DONNA OPENS HER SHIRT AND FLASHES KELSO.

KELSO: ... they're beautiful...

KELSO FAINTS.

A SERIES OF PICTURES FROM THE CLASSPICTURES WHERE: FEZ IS MOST LIKELY TO "PLAY 'PONCH' IN THE MUSICAL VERSION OF 'CHIPS'". KELSO IS MOST LIKELY TO OWE YOU $500. JACKIE IS MOST LIKELY TO DESTROY A TALANTED MAN'S POTENTIAL. HYDE IS MOST LIKELY TO COMMIT INSURANCE FRAUD. DONNA IS MOST LIKELY TO MOVE TO NEW YORK AND BECOME LOU REED'S RELUCTANT MUSE. ERIC IS MOST LIKELY TO GO THROUGH A BARET WEARING PHASE AT COLLEGE.

CREDIT WINDOW

A SERIES OF STILLS FROM THE BASEMENT WITH THE GUYS HANGING OUT

END OF SHOW