The Social Netjerk / Smallville: Turn Off the Clark

(Scene begins at The Parched Pupil)

Mark Zuckerberg: And that is why I will one day have it all- Girls, money, power, the ability to modulate my own voice, you name it. Is this going over your head? You seem quiet.

(Scene backs up to see an empty chair)

Waiter: Uh, she left a while ago.

Mark Zuckerberg: What? Where'd she go?

Waiter: (Flashbacks begin) Well, she left, graduated, got married, had a kid, he got mixed up with the wrong crowd, cleaned up his act, though, passed the bar exam. Now he's an astronaut with a--

Mark Zuckerberg: I get it. I talk a lot. Well, I'll show her, I'll become a better person and make her sorry she dumped me. (Short silence) Eh, maybe I'll just sit at home and criticize her on the Internet.

(Scene goes to the title card "The Social Netjerk" with piano playing music)

Mark Zuckerberg: (Typing on the computer) You see, Eduardo? We'll be rich. We'll make a website with pictures, personal info, and email. And I'll call it Myspace.

Eduardo Saverin: Mark, there already is a website called Myspace.

Mark Zuckerberg: Really? How about Google? Hotmail? GeoCities?

Eduardo Saverin: Yeah, again, they all exist.

Mark Zuckerberg: Well, why don't you get your face out of that book and help me, Eduardo? (Gasps) That's it!

(Mark types words on computer)

CLINK!

Eduardo: Helpme.eduardo?

Mark: No good? 'Cause I also have this other idea that I stole from 2 guys who look like Thor.

Cameron or Tyler Winklevoss: You know, we'd go a lot faster if we used oars instead of hammers.

Eduardo Saverin: We don't need to steal anything, Mark. I wrote a perfectly original formula on our window, see?

(Scene goes to Alfred E. Neuman cleaning the formula written on the window)

Eduardo Saverin: Ok. Let's go with your idea.

(Scene goes to Mark typing some stuff)

(Scene goes to Girl)

Girl: Hey! I can post my vacation photos online!

(Girl clicks mouse and scene goes to other person)

Boy: Wow! I can see those photos and stare at them for an inappropriate amount of time!

(Scene goes to other boy)

Boy with Glasses: Hooray! I can...like that you did that! (Clicks) Nope. Still only 2 friends.

(Scene goes to Mark and Eduardo in court)

Eduardo Saverin: Mark, this letter says those rich blonde twins are suing us!

Mark Zuckerberg: Don't worry. Help is on the way.

(Sean Parker shows up)

Sean Parker: Hi. Sean Parker. I invented music.

Eduardo Saverin: We're being sued for $1,000,000!

Sean Parker: That's not cool. You know what is cool? Being sued for $1,000,000,000!

Eduardo Saverin: Uh, no. That would be worse.

Sean Parker: Eh. Who could say? The point is, I'm in and you're out.

(Scene stops for a moment)

Eduardo's Grandfather: Is that what he said, Eduardo? I'm in, you're out?

Eduardo Saverin: You're watching the same stupid MAD parody I am, Grandpa!

Eduardo's Grandfather: I know, but I'm hard of hearing. And I thought I was your attorney.

(Scene forwards back to TV continuing with Mark, Eduardo and Sean.)

Mark Zuckerberg: So, Sean, what ideas do you have for "The Facebook"?

Sean Parker: Lose the "The." Wait actually, keep the "The," lose the "Book." Nope. Hang on. How about this? Lose the whole thing. Just call it...

(Wind blows and Sean says nothing)

Mark Zuckerberg: What else do you got?

(Scene goes to a party)

Mark Zuckerberg: Sean, should we be doing this? This club scene really isn't moving the sketch forward.

Sean Parker: Come on, Mark. This is our time.

Mordecai: Yeah, but speed it up, 'cause in a few minutes, it will be our time.

Sean Parker: Security, have them removed.

(Mordecai leans forward causing Sean to whimper)

Sean Parker: (Whimpers)

Mordecai: You know what I like about you, Sean? You make me seem funny.

(Mordecai and Rigby back away and then Mordecai turns around and punches Sean causing him to fall down.)

Mordecai and Rigby: Ohhhhh!

(Scene goes to table with Mark)

Woman: Mr. Zuckerberg, now your best friend is suing you.

Mark Zuckerberg: Eduardo? Trust me. He is no longer my--

Woman: Hang on. Let me finish. You're also being sued by the real Mark Zuckerberg.

Real Mark Zuckerberg: Stop saying that I stole Facebook. I didn't steal it.

Woman: Sean Parker...

Mark Zuckerberg: Wait. Why are you suing me?

Sean Parker: (Wrapped in cast) Are you kidding? I invented suing.

Woman: And, of course, Michael Cera.

Michael Cera: Stop being a ballpark resemblance of me. Uh-oh. I'm sorry for yelling.

Mark Zuckerberg: What happened to the Winklevoss twins who were also suing me?

Tyler or Cameron Winklevoss: Forget it. You can have Facebook. We came up with something even better. A site exclusively for rich blonde twins. Hey, we were just befriended by the Olsen Twins, plus Zack and Cody, as well as He-man and that guy from Herculoids.

Tyler or Cameron Winklevoss: I don't know them.

Tyler or Cameron Winklevoss: So what? I just like to see my number of friends go up.

Richie Rich: Hey, guys! We just posted photos of our trip to the bank!

Mark Zuckerberg: Hang on. You're not a twin in real life.

Richie Rich: Ehh. When you're rich, you can do these things. Am I right, fellas?

(Winklevoss and twins laugh)

Mark Zuckerberg: Good, 'cause I copied that idea, too.

Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss: D'oh!

(Segment ends)