Joey's Place

[In Michelle's room...]

Stephanie: Daddy.

Danny: What?

Stephanie: Joey's not here yet.

Danny: Time-out, Stephanie. Honey, let's have a little talk about this "lookout" thing. The key is to let us know when Joey is coming, not when Joey is not coming.

Stephanie: This is harder than I thought.

Danny: No, sweetie, it's easy. All you have to do is, when you see Joey coming, you give us the secret code. The duck flies at midnight.

Stephanie: “The duck flies at midnight.” I should get paid for this.

D.J.: Okay, I got this all figured out. Now, if I move into Michelle's room, Joey moves into my room, Michelle moves into the alcove, and Stephanie gets a tent in the backyard.

Stephanie: I don't think so.

D.J.: Okay, plan B. If we put bunk beds in Jesse's room...that means Uncle Jesse and Joey could be roommates. Great idea, huh?

Jesse: I don't think so.

Joey: Oh, here you are.

Stephanie: The duck, the turtle, the chicken drives to 7-Eleven at midnight.

TV: We'll be right back with Judge Wapner's decision after this.

Jesse: Hang that dry cleaner, Judge Wapner [see Trivia]. Hang him!

Danny: [to Jesse] Hi, honey! I'm home! ... Hi, girls.

D.J. & Stephanie: Hi, Dad.

Danny: [to Jesse] I'm sorry I'm late. At the last minute, I had to rush out to Oakland to cover a Warriors' practice session. Traffic was miserable...

Jesse: Give me a break.

Danny: Huh?

Jesse: Don't 'Huh?' me! You waltz in here 25 minutes late and expect sympathy? Huh!

Danny: Well, I didn't know...

Jesse: [as he walks over to the table and spoons mashed potatoes onto everyone's plates] I have cleaned the house, and washed & dried your clothes, and ran a daycare for socially deviant munchkins, and missed Oprah!, ran this one [Stephanie] to her ballet lesson, this one [D.J.] to her dentist appointment [showing off her smile] – no cavities, thank you very much! Do you realize I have slaved over a hot stove so that you can have a hot meal when you come home? Huh?! Hmm-hmm-hmm?

Danny: Jesse, I'm sorry.

Jesse: 'Sorry'? Hmph! 'Sorry' doesn't change the fact that my chicken tetrazzini is ruined! [showing it off] Ruined! It's all dried out! But do you have the common courtesy to call me and tell me that you're gonna be 25 minutes late? NO! Well, I am not an animal! ... Oh my God, what is happening to me? I'm turning into June Cleaver [see Trivia].

Danny: You are a beautiful human being! Jesse, the first day is always the toughest. Hey, my sad little soldier, this will perk you up. I figured out the perfect solution to Joey's alcove problem. I talked to some contractors and during the next two weeks, we are going to build Joey his own bedroom.

D.J.: Good idea!

Jesse: Oh, great. Another room for me to clean.

D.J.: Uncle Jesse, your chicken's pretty good.

Stephanie: Yeah, it's just a little dry.