Love Letters

[Open Ext. Beach House]

(Steven and Connie are taking selfies outside.)

Connie: You blinked!

Steven: Let's just take another one.

Connie: Oh wait. What if we get a shot with the beautiful view behind us? (She stands in front of the view of the ocean.) Come on, Steven!

(Steven blushes then joins Connie.)

Connie: Say "cheese"! *holds up phone*

Both: "Cheeeese!" (Both try to keep smiling for the camera phone as Connie tries to press the capture button, but fails.)

Steven: *mumbling* Did it do it?

Connie: *also mumbling* I don't know.

Steven: *mumbles more* Press it again.

Connie: *mumbles some more* I've been pressing it.

(Jamie shows up.)

Jamie: You guys look cute.

Steven: Jamie!

Jamie: What's up, Steven? Long time, No see!

Steven: *runs towards Jamie* Ohhhh... myyy... gooosh! *excitedly gives a high-five to Jamie*

Jamie: *laughs*

Steven: Jamie, this is Connie.

Jamie: Greetings, Connie.

Steven: So, where you been at?

Jamie: Oh, you know, just spendin' some time where all the big pictures are made...

Steven: Uh, where's that?

Jamie: Just a little place called Kansas! *waves hand across the air*

Connie: Oh! Are you an aspiring thespian?

Jamie: Why, *bows* ah-yes I am.

Steven: Wow, I didn't know you wanted to be an actor.

Jamie: That's because *turns around and clenches fist dramatically* I'm very good at acting.

Steven and Connie: *clapping*

Steven: Is that why you're wearing those cool glasses that say "Movie Star"? *points to Jamie's sunglasses*

Jamie: *blushes* Uh, well, no. I just bought these at a souvenir shop. I missed being a regular old mailman, so I just came back. *puts down the big bag he was carrying* And, uh, you got a lot of mail while I was gone.

Connie: Looks like the postal service has been slacking off.

Steven: Jamie's the only mailman that knows where I live.

Jamie: *hands out his sign pad* I'm gonna need a lot of signatures as well.

Steven: *tries to crack knuckles but fails*

Connie: Your knuckles are so quiet.

Steven: My hands are polite.

Connie: *notices Garnet emerging from the Ocean* Oh, Garnet! (Garnet walks out of the ocean.)

Steven: Hi, Garnet!

Connie: Hello, Garnet!

Jamie: *turns to see Garnet walking towards them from the ocean* Who's Garneeeee—?! *takes off sunglasses*

Garnet: Howdy.

Steven: Whatcha up to, Garnet?

Garnet: I was just at the bottom of the ocean checking for signs of Lapis and Jasper.

Steven: Any luck?

Garnet: Nope!

Jamie: *amazed* Wow, how are you able to swim to the bottom of the ocean?

Garnet: *holds sunglasses* It was easy, I'm a really [Camera zooms in to Garnet] good [Camera zooms in to her lips] swimmer. [Camera zooms in even more]

(Jamie stares speechlessly.)

Garnet: Excuse me. *telekinetically pushes the sea water off of her body*

Jamie: *gasps and hides mouth with his hat and stares at her with awe* Huh!

(Later, Connie and Steven are at the beach again.)

Connie: Uh... Steven? Why did you receive so many boxes of "Sea Pals"? *picks up a box of "Sea Pals"*

Steven: Uh... I ordered one at first but it never showed up, So I kept ordering.

Connie: Are you going to start a farm?

Steven: *laughs* No! *picks up another box of "Sea Pals"* I'm gonna set 'em free. Into the sea! *attempts to throw the box as Jamie shows up again* Jamie!

Jamie: *nervously* Ha-ha-hi, Steven.

Connie: You didn't bring more "Sea Pals"?

Jamie: What? No, I— just came to, uh... uh... uh-umm...

Steven: *points to the pink envelope Jamie is holding* What's that?

Jamie: *blushing furiously* Uh... It's *looks at his envelope* Uh... here!

Steven: But, what is—it? (Jamie runs away awkwardly and starts to laugh.) Jamie? (Steven and Connie flip the letter to the other side to reveal that the letter was for Garnet and they both gasp.)

Jamie: *still running away awkwardly* Ogheuurghwuh-Tsehuuaw!- (He begins to flap his arms like a bird.) Whop!- Whop!- Whop!- Whop!- Whop!- Whop!- Whop!

(Steven and Connie run towards the Beach House to tell Garnet about the letter.)

Steven: Garnet! Garnet! Garnet! The most unbelievable thing has happened!- You'll absolutely die of shock!

Garnet: I'm busy, Steven. *summons Lava Goggles and attempts to leave*

Steven: But... *shows Garnet the envelope* You got a letter!

Garnet: *pauses for a bit, turns around and removes goggles* Read it.

Steven: *opens the envelope and reads Jamie's letter* "To Garnet. When I saw you rise like an ancient—"

(As Steven reads it, the scene changes into a candlelit study where Jamie is shown wearing a Shakespearean garment, writing a letter using a quill.)

Jamie: (Narrating, overlapping with Steven's voice.) "To Garnet. When I saw you rise like an ancient sea nymph, *raises his hand holding the quill and closes his eyes dramatically* a white hot steel pierced the deepest artery of my being. *drops his head and lets his hands fall to the desk in front of him* You, you are a cardiac surgeon and I am your transplant patient *holds up his quill again and makes a face with exaggerated emotion* and you stand poised over my chest, holding my still beating heart. *his quill catches fire from the candles and starts flailing it trying to put it out* Hesitating, waiting, wondering. So I implore you to join me for dinner, *throws the quill to the floor and repeatedly stomps on it until the fire is put out* or maybe lunch if you wanna keep it casual, next Friday at the Crab Shack! I await your response *strikes yet another exaggerated dramatic pose*'' as the camellia awaits the rise of the moon! 'Cause, you know, it only blooms at night and stuff. Love—''

(The scene changes back to the Beach House, with Steven reading the letter for Garnet and Connie.)

Connie: *to Garnet* I think Jamie is asking you out. *blushes* On a date!

Steven: Well that ain't happening.

Garnet: Nope.

Connie: Why not?

Steven: Garnet is already in a relationship.

Connie: Wait, really?

Steven: Well, yeah! She is a relationship.

Connie: *blushes* Oh you mean cause she's a fusion.

Steven: Ruby and Sapphire are so close, that they can't stand to be apart.

Connie: Oh. So I guess this date with Jamie is out of the question.

Garnet: Three's a crowd.

Connie: But guys! Jamie put so much thought into this letter. It would be rude not to reply!

(Later, the three are gathered in the living room of the beach house as Connie prepares to write Garnet's reply.)

Connie: (Connie sets a sheet of paper on the center table.) Okay, Garnet. it might be best to play out the tone of his letter. And start off with something like: *begins to write the letter* "Dearest Jamie,—". Okay, go for it, Garnet!

Garnet: Start with a letter "N".

Connie: Huh, okay. *writes the letter N* What next?

Garnet: Uh, the letter "O".

Connie: Uh, okay! You can just say the whole word instead of spelling it out. *writes down the letter O*

Garnet: "Period".

Connie: Hm. *reads the letter* So... "N", "O", "Period"? Oh...

Steven: *to Garnet* I think we'll need more than that.

Garnet: "The End, Forever. And even after that."

Steven: "Yours truly, Garnet"!

Connie: *picks up the letter and reads it* At least it's honest and to the point.

[Trans. boardwalk near Fish Stew Pizza]

(Steven and Connie are looking for Jamie.)

Connie: Where do you think he could be?

Steven: I dunno. He could be dropping off mail halfway around the world by now!

Connie: *notices Jamie and points in his direction* There he is!

(Jamie is seen sitting on a log on the beach, staring at the sky.)

Steven: *off-screen* Jamie!

Jamie: Oh hi, Connie and Steven. (Connie and Steven sit on the log next to him.) You guys come here to stare at the ocean and think about life too?

Connie: Uh, no... ? We came to uh-- (She moves to give him the letter but gets interrupted.)

Jamie: Yeah, life is crazy. One day you're right here in Beach City delivering mail and then the next thing you know, you're on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams of becoming an actor. "Follow your dreams," they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found. [The scene shows seagulls flying against a blue sky with white clouds] So many auditions day after day. So much rejection day after day. That's why I came back. (Two seagulls crash against each other in mid-air and fall into the ocean.) One more rejection would have destroyed my fragile heart. *sobs, wipes away his tearful eyes, then chuckles* Sorry, some times I get caught up in the "drama zone", you know?

Steven: Yeah, right... "drama zone".

Connie: Oh, by the way, we have something for y-- *tries to give him the letter again, but Steven stops her*

Steven: *quickly* No we don't!

(Scene cuts to the Beach House, later that day.)

Steven: How can we give this letter to Jamie now? He might get upset.

Connie: Hm. *holds up a pencil* We can make adjustments. We can match Jamie's poetic language and let him down easy! *starts erasing the words on the sheet with the pencil's eraser* I watched some episodes of a torrid soap opera once, so I'm confident that I get the gist of romance. *rubs the eraser on the paper harder* Err... There! *starts to write on the paper* "Dear Jamie. You, dear camellia, expectantly await the light of my moon, yet my light is more of a scorching, wilting, dry desert heat. And as for your metaphorical surgeon, it is with a heavy heart that I urge you to seek a second opinion. I return your heart to you-"

Steven: "Also, your hair is nice."

Connie: "Hair... is... nice. Yours, but not really, Garnet."

Steven: Perfect.

(Both walk to the beach in front of the house.)

Steven: *puts the letter in the mailbox* Mission accomplished.

[Time Skip—nighttime]

(Steven is in his room playing video games as it rains outside.)

Jamie: *from outside* Garnet!

Steven: Huh?

Jamie: *in a dramatic tone* Garnet! Where art thou, my sweet scorching sunbeam?

(Steven walks out of the house and leans against the railing on the porch to look down.)

Steven: Oh no!

Jamie: *making exaggerated gestures* Garnet! I read thy letter and I understand. Thou hast returneth mine heart!

Steven: What? No, that's not what—

Jamie: Garnet. You like my hair just as I adore yours. Come to me, Garnet.

Steven: Jamie!

Jamie: Ah, young master Steven, pray thee, where is Lady Garnet?

Steven: She... she's no— She's not coming.

Jamie: But I've come to proclaim my love for my woman!

Steven: No, Jamie, you don't understand, I— *gasps as Garnet walks out to the porch next to him*

Jamie: Garnet! Hah, you've come. You can tell Steven about all the beautiful things you wrote to me in your missive. *produces the letter Connie and Steven wrote*

Garnet: *surprised* I didn't write that.

Jamie: But it's all right here, stained with tears of joy, and now also rain.

Steven: *guiltily* Mmmm... *blurts out* Connie and I wrote that letter, Jamie!

Jamie: What?

Steven: I'm so sorry, Jamie. We just wanted to let you down easy.

Jamie: *in a low, sad tone* Willst thou not scorch me, my darling sun?

Garnet: *with authority* I am not, nor will I ever be interested. [Camera zooms in as her visor flashes] Go away!

Jamie: *gasps, then clenches a fist against his chest and holds out his other hand towards Garnet* M-My panache! *runs away crying*

Steven: *dramatically* Jaaamieeeee!

[Time Skip—next day]

(Connie and Steven are sitting on the grassy area below the Beach House, looking troubled.)

Connie: Oh boy.

Steven: I feel so bad for poor Jamie.

Connie: Yeah, but I'm sure he'll bounce back from this in no time. He's probably gonna show up with the mail any moment now.

Steven: *smiles* Yeah.

(Connie smiles back at Steven.)

Barbara: *off-screen* 'Scuse me, kids! *stops on the beach a little way from Connie and Steven, holding a letter* I'm looking for the home of... Steven Universe?

Steven: I'm the home of Steven Universe. *walks down to the beach where Barbara is standing*

Barbara: Hey! You're Greg's boy! I thought Jamie was pulling my leg when he told me you were living over here.

Steven: Wait, where is Jamie?

Barbara: Oh, that poor kid's emotions have been destroyed!

Steven: Whaaat!?

Barbara: Yeah, he's a mess! Said he couldn't bear to deliver mail on this route again after having his love spurned.

(Connie walks down to the beach next to Steven.)

Barbara: He said it just like this. *strikes a pose just like Jamie often does* Like, like when he's in the "drama zone". Then he clenched his fist and closed his eyes like this— *continues to imitate Jamie's mannerisms* full of drama 'til the end. Anyway, here's a book of coupons. Have a good one! *hands Steven the coupons and walks away*

(Connie and Steven exchange a concerned look.)

(Garnet jumps out of the ocean into the air, obscuring the sun. There's a Water Bear monster clinging to her back.)

(Connie and Steven watch in amazement.)

(Garnet grunts as she lands on the beach, slams the gem monster on the sand and punches its gem, then throws it back into the ocean.)

Garnet: *stands up and turns to Connie and Steven, then says without inflection* You look sad.

Steven: We really messed up this time.

Connie: Because of us, Jamie is feeling lower than ever.

Steven: *conflicted* We shattered the man!

Connie: *tears welling up in her eyes* He'll never love again!

Garnet: I'll go talk to him. *starts walking to the city*

Connie: But your words will destroy him!

Steven: Can't you just, like, zap his brain so he forgets any of this ever happened?

(Scene cuts to the beach near the city, where Jamie is sitting on the same log as before, holding a handful of letters as seagulls fly nearby.)

(Jamie is seen sighing and burying his head on his arms, then raises his hand and lets the wind blow the letters into the water.)

(A shadow covers Jamie, and he turns around.)

Garnet: *off-screen* Jamie.

Jamie: *surprised* Garnet!

(Garnet sits down on the log next to Jamie, and Connie and Steven stay a few steps away.)

Garnet: I didn't mean to upset you.

Jamie: Then will you go out with me?

Garnet: No!

Jamie: *with a dreamy expression* But I've loved you since the moment I saw you.

Garnet: Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love takes time, and love takes work. At the very least you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea of who, or what, I am. (Her shades glimmer.)

Jamie: *voice breaking* But I bloom for you like... like a... camellia... under moon light.

Garnet: No, you don't.

(Jamie looks sad and Steven and Connie look surprised.)

Garnet: You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced these children, *adjusts her shades* you even convinced yourself. *smiling* You're a fantastic actor.

Jamie: *in a mature tone* What am I supposed to do now?

Garnet: Start with local theater. *slaps Jamie's back, then walks away*

Jamie: *grunts*

(Connie and Steven walk closer to Jamie.)

Connie: Are you okay?

Jamie: Yeah. That was some pretty solid advice.

Steven: *smiles* Were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?

(Several letters are seen floating on the shore.)

Jamie: No. That was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.

(Everyone stays silent for a moment; Jamie just staring directly at the ocean and Connie and Steven staring at Jamie.)

Steven: We'll help you pick it all up.

Jamie: Thanks.

[Star-shaped iris closes on Jamie, ending the episode.]

[END]