I Like You Hi

(The episode begins with Mordecai looking at photo booth pictures of him and Margaret in his room. While Mordecai stares at the pictures, a ringing is heard. We see CJ riding a tandem bike.)

CJ: Hey, Mordo! You comin'? The back of this bike is not going to ride itself!

Mordecai: Comin'! (Mordecai runs out of his room)

(We cut into a montage of Mordecai and CJ doing different activities. Mordecai and CJ are first seen riding the tandem bike. Second, they're seen rollerskating. CJ makes Mordecai look away so she can get ahead of her. Third, they go to the Community College to paint pictures. They both draw each other very poorly, and they laugh it off. Fourth, they go to a restaurant called Nesbit's Burgers & Bits. They both order a burger with many different condiments; including a slice of pizza, a couple scoops of ice cream, and several gummy worms. Mordecai and CJ both take a bite on the count of three. They immediately spit it out because of the horrible taste, and they laugh it off. Lastly, they're seen doing donuts in the golf cart. Mordecai and CJ are seen walking on a dirt path in the park.)

Mordecai: This day was awesome!

CJ: Yeah. I had a good time.

Mordecai: Do you want to come and watch X-Treme Barista with me and Rigby?

CJ: I can't. I gotta go to work. But I'll be able to watch it there. Hey, text me, and it will be like we're watching it at the same time.

Mordecai: Heh. Phones are awesome.

CJ: Yeah, they are! Alright, I gotta go. Gimme a hug, you loser.

(Mordecai and CJ give each other a hug)

Mordecai: Later.

CJ: See ya. (Clock transition to the house)

Announcer: (on TV) Today, on X-Treme Barista, K-K-K-Kid Crunchy Z!

Kid Crunchy Z: Yo, yo, yo! I ain't come to here to make friends, I came here to make blends, dawg! So Yuji better watch what's up!

Yuji: (considering his name, he has an Asian accent, and he does) Yo, you see that? Well these three golden barista awards prove that Yuji is number one! So whats he gotta say to that?!

(We now see Mordecai and Rigby sitting in the living room)

Rigby: (excitedly) Man, Yuji is gonna French press this guy!

Mordecai: Pfft! (Modecai is on his phone texting to CJ. He writes "Are you watching xtreme barista? hilarious!" While doing so, he says exactly what he's writing. Mordecai pushes "SEND", and the message is sent. CJ responds by saying "Haha yes! So bad it's good!") Haha. "So bad, it's good." She's so funny.

Announcer: (on TV) One minute begins now. He's adding an energy drink!

(Kid Crunchy Z is seen adding a can of "Thunder Jolto" in a pan.)

Mordecai: Haha.

Rigby: (frustrated) Ugh! All you do is text CJ. Just tell her you like her and quit Pulling a Mordecai.

Mordecai: What?! That's not a thing!

Rigby: (grunting wimpishly, while shaking his arms) "I'm Mordecai, I never make a move, (looking at his hands) And I don't know what to do with my hands". You've been doing this for years.

Mordecai: I'm not like that with CJ!

Rigby: So how come you aren't dating yet?

Mordecai: 'Cause we're just friends. Not every girl I hang out with has to be a potential girlfriend.

Rigby: Shut your excuse hole! Yuji's on.

(Yuji is adding swan-shaped foam into a cup of coffee.)

Yuji: Ain't nobody can make a swan-esspresso like Yuji can! (goes to an athlete) Care for a sip? (athlete leans in, but Yuji swipes away) You don't drink from the cup! You drink from the sky! (throws coffee in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots it) Still warm.

Rigby: Wow!

Mordecai: Hahaha. (looks at his phone and reads) "Cappuccino he di-dnt!" (types) "I like Yuji".

Announcer: Uh-oh!

(Auto correct to "you hi" appears on the phone. Cops are next to Yuji.)

Yuji: Is this some kind of Yuji psyche?! (releases himself and goes to the camera) Yuji will return, yo! Buy my book, suckers! (cops beat him down)

Mordecai: Hahahahaha. (In slow motion, Rigby cries "Yuji!" and Mordecai continues laughing as he sends the auto-corrected message. He looks down and sees it) Whaaa?! No, no, no! Cancel, cancel, cancel! (The message is sent. Mordecai groans)

Rigby: Ugh, what now? My favourite barista probably has rabies and you're-- Woah. What happened?

Mordecai: I texted CJ "I like yuji", but it auto-corrected to "I like you hi". (Mordecai and Rigby look in shock as CJ types.) "I like you too. Hi." Wait, what? Aw, no. What am I gonna do?

Rigby: Destroy the phone with acid. That makes the texts go away.

Mordecai: What? That's not gonna work. I'm gonna have to ask some real people. (We see him in his and Rigby's room) So that's what happened. How do I tell CJ that I don't "like" like her, I just like her, you know?

(Muscle Man, Skips, Fives and Thomas are in the room.)

Skips: So you pulled a Mordecai, huh?

Mordecai: What the-- Come on! How long have you been calling it that?

Muscle Man: How long have you been Mordecai?

(Muscle Man, Fives and Skips act like Mordecai when he's around girls, then laugh. Rigby laugh and Mordecai punches him.)

Rigby: Owww!

Mordecai: Ugh! Come on, what should I do?

Skips: Tell her the truth.

Mordecai: Hmmm, hmmm. Thomas?

Thomas: Well, my second girlfriend liked dancing, but my fourth girlfriend was more into the DJ scene. So, uh, try, try that.

Mordecai: Okay, not really sure why you're on this panel. Muscle Man?

Muscle Man: One word, bro: Cellphone thief.

Mordecai: Huh? (Muscle Man takes his phone) Hey!

(Muscle Man dials CJ's number.)

CJ: Hey, Mordecool.

Muscle Man: (in deeper voice) This isn't Mordecai. This is a common criminal. I've been stealing phones and texting people "I like you hi" all day.

CJ: I know it's you, Muscle Man. What are you doing with Mordecai's phone?

Muscle Man: Uhh...(makes police siren noises) Cops are coming, gotta go! (hangs up and gives back Mordecai's phone) Sorry, bro. That always works on Starla.

Mordecai: Ok, any more advice?

Hi Five Ghost: Well, you'd have to wait 4 years, but-

Mordecai: Ok, anything I can actually do? (everyone except Rigby groans and walk out) That was a dead end.

Rigby: Ugh! Just talk to her already so we don't have to do this all day! I have my own life, you know. I got this book-signing thing I wanna go to.

(A commericial appears on their TV.)

Announcer: Yuji will be at Books, Zines and In-Betweenz signing his new book, "P.S I Love Yuji" today!

Rigby: See?

Mordecai: That's it! Yuji. I'll get a picture of me and Yuji and I'll send it to CJ and write "I like you hi". Then I'll send "Oops, I like Yuji. Dumb autocorrect". Then she'll know my first text was a mistake and her feelings won't get hurt. We'll be able to keep being friends and my life won't be ruined.

Rigby: Whoo, that's bad. That's like one of my plans. (they both walk out) You're lucky I'm going there anyway. Just don't make look bad in front of Yuji.

(Cut to Books, Zines and In-Betweenz.)

Yuji: And that was the day....i lost my innocence. (wipes tear and puts on glasses) At making coffee! Not at making out with girls! I did that waaay earlier...(wide view) to the extreme! (light and smoke appear. Rigby claps. They walk up to him) Sup, Yuji fans.

Rigby: (puts his book on the table) It's an honour to meet you, sir. (Yuji signs the book)

Mordecai: Yeah, uh, huge fan.

Yuji: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. No problem.

Mordecai: Actually, I need a favor. You see, Yuji, I sent a text about you to this girl-

Yuji: And my name auto-corrected to "you hi"?

Mordecai: Uh, yeah. How did you know?

Yuji: (stands up) It's the only reason I'm not famous! If people could viral market by texting about me, I wouldn't be signing books! I would be signing diamonds!

Mordecai: Um, yeah.

Yuji: "Um, yeah" is right, bro! I went to this tattoo shop and check out what happened. (reveals a tattoo on his back that says "You Hi")

Mordecai: Hmm. So can I get a picture with you to show what I was texting about?

Yuji: Let me check my planner. (we see a reminder under Tuesday 15 that says "Buy more planners?") I think I can pencil you in.

Mordecai: Awesome! Where do you want to take the picture?

Yuji: Ohhh, we can take it anywhere extreme!

Mordecai: Um....How about the roof?

Yuji: Can I base-jump off it afterwards?

(Cut to the three of them on the roof.)

Rigby: (setting the phone) Ok. Ready?

Yuji: (blocking his head) Ugh, the glare from the sun is too extreme.

Mordecai: I thought you liked thing extreme.

Yuji: Not when it comes to white balance, bro! We gotta wait for that cloud to float over and block that sun.

(text message sounds)

Rigby: Hey, you got a text from CJ. It says "I get off work in half an hour - text me then."

Mordecai: Ugh! We're running out of time.

Yuji: Ok, so picture won't work. Let me text this X-treme-Anita. (takes phone)

Mordecai: Uhh...

Yuji: "Sup, this is Yuji, blowin' up your call brick!" Sendo! (the "Yuji" is revealed to have corrected to "you hi") Ex-sqeeze me? (types) Re-sendo! (message has the same result) Urrgh! What the extreme?! Stupid phone! I can't even send my own name! Ooooh, I hate myself! (drops phone) I'm such a loser. (kneels) I never should have changed my name from Eugene Mendalman.

Mordecai: (picks up his phone) Let me try. (starts texting) I can still fix this. (show that he sent "That was the real You hi!") Ugh, come on! (texts again) Send! (same message) Aaaaaaah!

Rigby: Dude, chill!

Mordecai: (texting) Maybe if I type "you hi", it'll auto-correct to "yuji" (multi-sends "you hi" to CJ) Send! Send! (phone in violation) Whaaaa-

(Mordecai's phone sucks himself and Rigby into it as they scream. Yuji stands up.)

Yuji: I guess warping into a phone is kind of extreme.

(Cut to Mordecai and Rigby transported to a familiar place.)

Mordecai: Whaa...? What's going on? What are we doing here?

Answering Machine: Welcome to the Virtual Messaging--   What the-- Is that you, Mordecai?

Mordecai: Oh...hey...hey guys...how have you been?

Answering Machine: Oh, you know. Oh, hey our band put out a demo tape. (shows Mordecai demo tape)

Mordecai: Oh, cool.

(The tape name is "fax me gently" by "Phoning in In")

Answering Machine: It's sort of an ambient prog-rock fusion. You can keep that.

Tin Cans with String: We had to move on after you didn't call.

Mordecai: Uh, that's alright-

Answering Machine: Enough reminiscing! You stand accused of breaking the golden rule of texting-- sending the same text message three times.

Tin Cans with String: And that's the worst thing in the world.

Mordecai: What? Why?

Answering Machine: It's super annoying.

(Chalkboard writes "and Lame!")

Tin Cans with String: Yes. And some of us have very limited data plans.

Rigby: Uh, well, he's really sorry.

Mordecai: I'm really sorry!

Rigby: It won't happen again, so if you could just show us the way out--

Smoke Signal Fire: Burn them!

Answering Machine: (sighs) But he's right. This is your second offense! You won't be getting off so easy this time.

Mordecai: I just pressed the wrong button.

Tin Cans with String: You don't press the wrong button three times in a row.

Mordecai: Listen. I'm...I just really gotta go. Okay? (walks away)

Rigby: What?

Answering Machine: Tell us what the problem is.

Mordecai: Nah, I'm just...You know.....(floats off) Going this way...

Smoke Signal Fire: Where do you think you're going?!

Rigby: Dude, you're being really weird! (Mordecai starts swimming) Mordecai, what are you doing? Come back!

Answering Machine: You'd rather float towards the infinite abyss than talk about your problem?

Smoke Signal Fire: This is a safe place!

Answering Machine: What are you floating away from?

Mordecai: I...I don't wanna talk about it.

Answering Machine: Do you not wish to be with this CJ? Her texting history shows she's quite the witty and independant young woman. And she's quite fond of you. (Mordecai stops) There's nothing out there for you. Literally nothing! It's really boring! Trust me!

(Mordecai sighs and goes back to Rigby and the guardians.)

Mordecai: I really do like CJ.

Rigby: Pfft. Duh, you do.

Mordecai: I'm just afraid of what'll happen because...(sighs) Part of me is still wait for Margaret to come back.

Tin Cans with String: Daddy's girl?

Rigby: What? Still? She's not coming back, dude. She's gone.

Mordecai: Look, I know, alright? I know! It's just....I mean, I don't still have feelings for her, but I do in a way. It's like this thing that's inside of me, and it's always just sort of sitting there, waiting around. Sometimes I'll see something, or I'll smell something, and it makes me think of her even though I don't want to. I really like CJ, she's amazing. But, is it fair for me to go out with her if I still think about Margaret sometimes?

Rigby: Dude, CJ's way cooler than Margaret.

(Guardians talk in agreement.)

Tin Cans with String: This is a normal part of life.

Answering Machine: Where one phonecall ends, another begins. Even if you don't leave a message after the beep.

Mordecai: So, what should I do?

Tin Cans with String: That's for you to decide.

(Door pops up for Mordecai and Rigby to leave.)

Answering Machine: Uhhhh, also, if you have a music blog or something, we could really use some positive reviews.

Mordecai: Uhhh....

Rigby: Yeah, we'll look into it.

(They leave.)

Answering Machine: This is it, guys. This is gonna be our big break!

(Cut to Mordecai and Rigby appearing back on the roof. Mordecai checks his phone, and see a message from CJ that says "What are all these weird texts? Is something going on?" He replies with, "Date tommorrow?")

Rigby: Are you sure about this?

Mordecai: (with a straight face) I'm tired of "pulling a Mordecai".

(He hits "SEND".)

Rigby: Nice.

(CJ replies with "Date date?" Mordecai replies "Yes." CJ replies with a winky face.)

Mordecai: Yeah!

Rigby: Awesome!

Mordecai: Wait. What does a winky face me- (CJ texts again) "That means yes. Don't misinterpret it." Haha! Alright. (texts) "See you soon". (sends text)

Rigby: I'm proud of you, man.

(The two watch the sunset.)

Yuji: (hangliding from a roof) X-treme Yu-Jump! Whoo-hooooooo!

(End of "I Like You Hi.")