Villain Pub - Penny For Your Fears

The following contains spoilers for the movie IT

So Spoiler Alert!

♪Making your way evil today sure does take alot Thinking of ways to distribute hate takes everything you've got Wouldn't you like to rule the place Sometimes you wanna go where everybody hates your faaaaaaaaace And the villains share your raaaaaaaaaaaage You wanna be in the evil seat, heroes are all the same You wanna go where everybody hates your face♪

After the theme song, we see Pennywise fall in via the ceiling of The 80's Villain Pub.

Joker: Well hallelujah, boys, it's raining clowns in here. (chuckles)

Pennywise: What is this? Where am I?

Freddy Kruger: Easy there, Clown Man. You're with friends.

Palpatine: Welcome to my villainous abode. What can I get you?

Pennywise: Do you have any children flesh laced with human fear?

Palpatine: Uh... We have some Children of The Corn.

We pan over to said Children of The Corn.

Pennywise: Ew! No thank you.

Palpatine: (lifting a Gremlin) You like Gremlins? We have lots of those.

Pennywise: No, it's just not the same.

Joker: Why so glum, my clown-faced chum? You look like you've got beatin' up by a bunch of kids with baseball bats.

Pennywise: I did actually. Turns out kids are really violent.

Palpatine: Oh, I'm afraid children can be very evil. Isn't that right, Damian?

We pan over to Damian from The Omen.

Palpatine: Do you want to eat Damian?

Pennywise: I don't understand what happened. I had all the kids scared and right where I wanted them. Then suddenly, they were all brave and completely stronger than me.

Joker: Why weren't they scared of you anymore? I thought kids were terrified of clowns.

Pennywise: I have no idea. I did my scary dance and everything.

Pennywise then does said dance very quickly.

Pennywise: See?

Freddy Kruger: Oh come on!

Palpatine: That might have had something to do with it.

Pennywise: That didn't scare you? (sighs) I must be losing my touch.

Freddy Kruger: Have you tried attacking them in their sleep? I find that to be WAY easier.

Pennywise: I'm more of a daytime scare kind of guy.

Chucky: Have you tried scary dolls? Dolls always work. Well, until your personality gets too campy then it starts to wear off.

Pennywise: I filled a whole room with clown dolls with this one kid and then I popped up and I was all "Beep-beep, Richie!".

Freddy Kruger: And then you ate him?

Pennywise: No, I just let him run away.

Everyone groans at that.

Joker: I don't know whether I should laugh or cry.

Freddy Kruger: Why do you even bother talking to the kids?!

Pennywise: Because they taste better when they're scared.

Palpatine: And sometimes not saying anything is so much more terrifying. Isn't that right, Michael?

Michael Myers: ...

Palpatine: And isn't that right, Jason?

Jason: Chi chi chi ah ah ah...

Palpatine: Do you see what I mean? If they used their real voice, it would TOTALLY ruin the effect!

Jason: (talks with a lisp) Hey, that's not very nice, you silly silly Sith Lord!

Palpatine: I rest my case.

Pennywise: It shouldn't be this difficult for me though. I can take the form of your greatest fear. Watch.

Pennywise then turns into...

Darth Vader: I'm leaving The Dark Side, my master.

Palpatine: (terrified) Oh no, not him!

Darth Vader: You're wrong and there's still good in me! I'm going to go join my son now because I'm not actually evil!

Palpatine: Okay! That's-! That's enough!

Darth Vader: You failed! You're a giant failure!

Palpatine: Please, no more!

Darth Vader: And The Rebels are more fun! WOOOHOOOOOOO!

Palpatine: THAT'S ENOUGH!

Pennywise changes back.

Palpatine: Please don't do that again.

Pennywise: And that is usually enough.

Joker: Ah well, here's your real problem. You've gotta follow through with it because, now that you've hurt Old Palpatine's feelings over there, he's not gonna let you do that again. Go on, try it.

Pennywise changes into Vader again.

Darth Vader: I'm gonna throw you down a maintenance shaft!

Palpatine: Ah, AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (begins to electrocute Pennywise) UNLIMITED POWAAAAAAAAA!!!

Pennywise gathers himself after experiencing that.

Joker: Y'see, there's always a breaking point. As fun as it is, you can't just keep playing with your targets. It's easier to get them scared first but eventually they're gonna get wise and turn the tables against you.

General Zod: Ugh, heroes are so annoying.

Freddy Kruger: Yeah, I had a girl hit me with a sledgehammer and light me on fire.

T-800: Sarah Conner squished me in a metal press.

Blonde Villain That I Don't Know About: I got stabbed with deer antlers.

Alien Queen: SHEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Leatherface: Tell me about it.

Joker: It happens every time.

Pennywise: (beginning to turn to flakes) Well, this sucks.

Demon Thing: Hey, you're starting to flake out. I know what that's like.

Pennywise: I guess I'll just hibernate then.

Palpatine: Oh, don't despair, Pennywise. Even though you've gotten your face beating in by a bunch of little children and it's totally embarrassing, there is one thing that you horror monsters always have that gives you a second chance at revenge.

Pennywise: And what's that?

Palpatine: The sequels.

Everyone agrees.

Jason: And sometimes you get, like, so many sequels, you don't even know what to do with them.

Palpatine: Taking Manhattan is NOT worth bragging about, Jason!

The Villain Pub: Penny For Your Fears!

The End.