There Can Be Only One Lohan

So, Miss Lohan, it's 12 million plus gross points. - Sign on the dotted line. - Hold on a second. I have some requemps. I want a big trailer and I want a trailer in my trailer and my dog needs an assistant dog. I assure you that all of your - Miss Lohan? - Lindsay? Pumpkin? Can you make that check out to Cash? That's my nickname for her. Can I get you anything, miss Lohan? Diet Sprite, Squirt, Coca-Cola? - Lindsay Lohan. - Amanda Bynes. Just let me know if you need anything. It totally can't end like this. My new album drops tomorrow. Looks like you'll be selling them posthumorous. Posthum Posthummus. There can be only one. Does this power make me look fat? Not a problem. We'll blame it on her father. Works for me. In case you haven't realized it by now this is a Highlander parody. When I grow up, I'm gonna get an Oscar. If by Oscar you mean "get your head cut off " you're on your way if you don't train harder. That totally isn't what I meant, stupid. You smell like whiskey, and I want to go shopping. And they complain when I smack my wife. You must harness your gifts for the gathering. What gathering? You're gathering. All the teen starlets will feel the urge to fight for the prize. In the end, there can be only one. What prize? As in Oscar? I'm gonna win one because I'm Lindsay Lohan. Lo-han. Lohan. I'm not slurring. Never lose your temper. - Never lose my tampa? - Temper. I hate your slurring, you drunk. I'm not drunk. I'm Scottish. Sure, and I was in the hospital for exhaustion. Touché. Now you're ready. Good. You got me in the pounder plums. Colder than a witch's tit tonight. - Better heat up the sauce. - Where's Lohan? You're too late, Hillary Duff. I've already prepared her for you. - You've wasted your time. - My alcohol! - There can be only one. - Wait! OK. You're next, Lindsay. I lost 150 pounds, and nobody takes me seriously. Maybe I'll adopt a brown kid. What? He's dead, as are the Olsen twins. I even decapitated my sister Haylie, though she didn't have powers and that was awkward to explain to mom and dad. - Only you and I remain. - You bitch! Watch it, Lohan. We can't fight on holy ground. You know where to find me, Duff. So now it ends. - The power is mine, Lohan. - Not if I can help it. - Slut! - Whore! - White trash! - "Agent Cody" skank. Aaron Carter loves me. Aaron said your toes were gross. - Your album sucks! - My album sucks! There can be only one. I know. I know everything. I am everything. I have the power. You have done well. Use your powers wisely, my child. I will. Unlimited power! Is this really how Highlander ended?