Too Far

[Open in front of the Barn]

(Peridot is holding a tape recorder. After her limb enhancers were thrown off the Galaxy Warp, she uses it to record all her logs.)

Peridot: Log date 7-11-2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since the commencement of a *inhales deeply* collaborative approach to stopping The Cluster.

Pearl: I've finished drawing out the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this.

(Peridot's tape clicks.)

Peridot: Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right.

(Peridot rewinds the tape.)

Recorder with Peridot talking: The Pearl here has exhibited an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect, but that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing, crying, ...singing while crying.

(Amethyst laughs.)

Pearl: Why did you give her that?

Steven: Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might make her feel a little better.

Recorder with Peridot talking: Clods! [Fast-forward noises] Muddy clods! [Fast-forward noises] -running out of ways to say "clods"!

Garnet: Alright, I've chased away those cows, let's get to work.

Peridot: *clears throat* Before we begin... would you mind un-fusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable.

(Everyone breaks into silence as Steven, Amethyst, and Pearl look at Garnet.)

[Trans. to fence]

(Garnet ties Peridot to the fence with a child leash.)

Peridot: WHAT?! ... WHAT'D I SAY?!

Steven: Do we really have to do that?

Garnet: Her having free reign of the place made me incredibly uncomfortable.

Peridot: *grunts* (She struggles to get the microwave.)

Steven: Here you go, Pearl!

Pearl: Oh, good. Hmm... No... No, no, no, no, I said I needed tungsten. Tungsten?

Steven: Uh... what does "tungsten" look like?

Amethyst: Tungsten. *sticks out her tongue* Ahh.

Pearl: Ugh... never mind. I'll just do it.

Amethyst: *Shrugs with her tongue still out* Meh..

(Pearl walks away annoyed)

Peridot: *grunts* I just need some sort of leverage optimizer.

Amethyst: "Leverage optimizer"?

Peridot: That's what I said.

Amethyst: Ooooh! Ha, you mean you want a screwdriver? *laughs*

Peridot: Do you have one or not?

Steven: Uh.... why don't you just use this one? (Picks up the screwdriver on the ground and hands it to Peridot.)

Peridot:  Because it was outside my radius.*grabs the screwdriver*

Amethyst: He-hey, hey Peridot, what do you call this? *points at nose*

Peridot: A scent sponge.

Steven: Huh?

(Amethyst laughs, while Steven looks at and touches his own nose.)

Amethyst: Okay, what's this? *holds open eye*

Peridot: Vision sphere.

Steven: Peridot, that's—

Amethyst: Wait, wait, Steven. Peridot, these? *wiggles fingers*

Peridot: *annoyed* Touch stumps.

Amethyst: This?! *points at foot*

Peridot: *angered* Gravity connectors!

Amethyst: This?! *points at butt*

Peridot: THAT'S YOUR BUTT!

(Steven and Amethyst both laugh hysterically.)

Steven: Oh man, Peridot, you're killing me! *slaps microwave*

Peridot: I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!

Amethyst: No, no, no— You're funny!

Peridot: F-unny?

Pearl: Peridot, if you can get the magnetron out of that microwave, we'll have everything we need... except for the drill head.

Peridot: Why don't I just get an injector drill head from the Kindergarten?

Pearl: Oh, well, I guess that's something you could try.

Garnet: She's not going to the Kindergarten without a chaperone!

Peridot: What? You've got to be joking!

Garnet: You'll know when I'm joking.

Peridot: Nyahhh...

Amethyst: Me and Steven can go with her!

Steven: Yeah, we'll keep an eye on her.

Garnet: Approved. Keep her in line, Amethyst.

Amethyst: You got it!

* Peridot groans*

[Trans. to Kindergarten]

Peridot: Log date: 7112. The Amethyst and the Steven have volunteered to help me dismantle this Era 1 drill. How stylistically displeasing. The newer ones have a nicer finish.

Amethyst: You making more nerd notes?

Peridot: What is "nerd"?

Amethyst: *snickers*

Peridot: Can you use it in a sentence?

Amethyst: Ahem. Nerd. You are a nerd. *laughs*

Steven: *jumps down* Amethyst! Cut that out!

Peridot: As you can see, this planet is annoying and everything is annoying. Amongst its transgressions is the need for the Amethyst to ask permission from the perma-fusion.

Amethyst: "Perma-fusion"? Is that what you call Garnet?

Peridot: I could call her lots of things. I could call her two things! Two clods! *laughs* Walking around like she's... one clod! *snickers*

Steven: What's wrong with that?

Peridot: She's not even fighting! She's, you know, she's just, y-you know like the... *pounds fists together* you know!

(Amethyst laughs hysterically while Steven pounds his fists together confusedly.)

Amethyst: You're a real gem, Peri.

Peridot: Yes, I am... a Gem.

Amethyst: Okay, okay. Do Steven next. What's weird about Steven?

Peridot: Where do I even begin! He's some sort of hybrid abomination, I don't even understand how he functions! His organic half consumes so much energy that he has to constantly feed, and he spends so much time expelling, that he has a whole room dedicated to it!

Steven: *embarrassed* Ah, no, something else! Talk about something else!

(Amethyst laughing hysterically.)

Peridot: *laughs* The strangest thing is, Amethyst, you think you have to listen to them! *laughs* You're the one who should be in charge!

Amethyst: Ha, that's your best joke yet.

Peridot: No, really. Pearl is a pearl, Garnet is a fusion, I don't even know what he's supposed to be! *points at Steven*

Steven: Hey!

Peridot: You're the only Crystal Gem, that's actually a Gem!

Amethyst: Uhm... *laughs nervously* What?

Peridot: You outrank everyone on your team. They should be listening to you! You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact you're defective.

(Amethyst's face drops.)

Amethyst: Defective?

Peridot: Well sure! You're small!

Amethyst: So?

Peridot: Well, you're not supposed to be! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. This! This is the hole you came out of! Too small, too low. The exit marks look 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm, this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!

Steven: Peridot... (Amethyst stops Steven by putting her hand on his shoulder)

Amethyst: What was I supposed to look like?

Peridot: Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating. But you simply stayed in the ground too long.

Amethyst: *angry* Are you saying I'm wrong?!

Peridot: *laughs* Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's all so... *snickers* ...funny!

(Peridot laughs while Amethyst looks upset and angry.)

Steven: Amethyst?

Peridot: Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off-

(Amethyst summons her weapon and violently cuts the drill head off an injector.)

Peridot: See, look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back, and shove this thing in Pearl's face!

Steven: Amethyst? Are you ok?

Amethyst: Don't worry about it.

[Trans. back to the barn]

Pearl: Oh, it's lovely! To think we'd be using the same technology that started all this to fix it! This drill is pure irony!

Peridot: Actually, it's mostly carbonite.

Steven: Would that make it "carbony"?

Peridot: Oh oh oh oh, Amethyst! Check out this... hmm... *picks up a hammer from the ground* rhythmatic pulverizer!

Peridot: *laughing on the ground* That's funny, I'm so funny!

Amethyst: Whatever, dude. *walks away*

Peridot: That was the incorrect response. Hey, Amethyst isn't laughing when I do these things. Why isn't she laughing?!

Steven: Peridot, you really hurt her feelings.

Peridot: What?

Steven: You were pretty mean to her at the Kindergarten.

Peridot: Mean? No way! I was being... "cool". Amethyst loved it. She's probably telling the Pearl how much fun she had now. *sees Amethyst looking at her* Amethyst, hi, hi, hi, Amethyst! *waves* (Amethyst walks into the barn.) She... she won't even look at me. It's making me feel... smaller.

Steven: You feel bad! That's how you made her feel.

Peridot: *snorts* Who cares about how she feels? Who cares about any of you! You're all just rocks! Ruddy, muddy, clumps beneath my gravity connectors! *grunts and falls*

Pearl: Ugh, another one of her temper tantrums. I'm surprised you two made it back from the Kindergarten without driving each other crazy!

Amethyst: Yeah...

(A little later, Peridot working on the drill while Steven is holding her leash, Peridot grunting.)

Peridot: This little thing... (She grunts, turns and sees Amethyst and grunts even louder.)

(Amethyst walks past and doesn't look at her.)

Peridot: *stares* Dyaagh! *keeps working on the drill*

Steven: How's everything going up there?

Peridot: Fine... ! There's nothing wrong, everything's fine! (She pushes a button making a mistake and tries to fix it.) *worried* Ah! No, no, no, no, no, stop!

Steven: Peridot?

Peridot: *grunts, falls off of the drill and coughs* The panel.. !

(Steven jumps onto the drill as it begins to spin out of control.)

Peridot: Wait! (Her leash gets caught on a piece of metal and she is unable to chase after Steven and the drill, she gasps.)

Steven: It's okay, I got it!

(The drill spins out of control around the yard with Steven inside it. Unsuspecting, Amethyst comes around the corner of the barn, only to be faced with the drill heading towards her.)

Amethyst: What the— ?

Peridot: Amethyst!

(Peridot pulls against the leash and is able to rip it. She runs, pushing Amethyst out of the way of the drill just in time. Steven rips out the drill's panel and stops it.)

Steven: *dizzy* It's okay, everything's okay! (Steven has spirals in his eyes.) It was just a drill! *laughs and collapses against the side of the drill*

(Peridot is sitting on Amethyst surprised and has saved her from the drill almost hurting her.)

Amethyst: Uh... Peridot?

Peridot: Ah! *jumps off quickly* It was an accident, I swear!

Steven: Hey, don't worry about it. *walking to them* We know you didn't mean to start the drill.

Peridot: Uh... yeah. That was an accident, too...

(Amethyst looks at her confused/shocked.)

[Later]

Pearl: *horrified* We leave for one second and everything goes off the rails!!

Garnet: I blame the cows.

Pearl: No, it's fine, it's fine. We'll rebuild it! Stronger, better. We'll add seat belts!

(Amethyst and Steven are cleaning up after the drill.)

(Amethyst tries to pull something from the ground with a grunt and a unicycle comes out.)

Steven: Hey, are you alright? That was a close one. It's a good thing Peridot was there to save you.

(Amethyst rolls her eyes and throws the unicycle, Peridot walks to them.)

Peridot: Yes, it is a good thing. *pauses, stares for a bit* Listen, I... uhm...

Amethyst: Just spit it out.

Peridot: *shocked, gets angry and grunts* Ughh! *facepalms* Why are you earthlings so difficult!? *slams her thumb on the recorder and lets them hear*

Recorder with Peridot talking: Log date: 7112. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by any one of these "Crystal Gems". I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and now I'm working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently "hurt" Amethyst's "feelings", which was not my intent. If I've damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. Peridot. Facet 5. End log.

Peridot: *turns off recorder when its done* As you can see,—

Steven: *emotional* Oh, Peridot.

(Peridot looks away, makes an odd noise, very angrily)

Amethyst: Peridot... (Peridot looks at her.) ... Thanks.

(Peridot smiles awkwardly at her.)

Amethyst: But you're still a nerd. *walks off*

Peridot: *slightly annoyed* I'll be sure to add that to my notes..

Steven: How do you feel?

Peridot: *pause* ... Big.

[Star iris closes in on Peridot]

[END]