Left in the Dark

HUNTER SPECTOR: "Do you believe in ghosts? Join me, Hunter Spector, spectre hunter, leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, or ARGGH! As I descend into the scariest place in any home, the basement! Sunday night at 8 PM! Don't miss it, or you'll be left in the dark! ARGGH!" LINCOLN: [marks calendar] "It's finally here! The live season finale of the greatest show ever! [Lincoln looks at the viewers.] All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself 'Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show.' And, you'd be right. Every Sunday at 8, it's the same thing." [Cut to flashback of his sisters fighting over the remote; End flashback] "But tonight, I have a plan. Cadet Lincoln calling Cadet Clyde, do you read me?" CLYDE: "This is Cadet Clyde, I read you loud and clear! I'm so excited! We finally get to watch ARGGH together. And by together, I mean you at your house, and me at mine, right?" LINCOLN: [to the viewers] "For such a landmark event, we decided that it'd be best for us if we watched it separately. Clyde's got a huge crush on my sister Lori. It gets awkward." CLYDE:" [Looking dreamily at drawing of Lori] "Hubba hubba." LINCOLN: "Clyde? Clyde? Do you read me?" CLYDE: "Uh, you better hurry, Lincoln. It's almost 8:00!" LINCOLN: "It's time to put Operation Distract My Sisters So That I Can Get to the TV First and Watch the Special Live Season Finale of ARGGH and Think of Shorter Name For This Operation into action."

LOLA AND LANA: [Coming out of their room] "Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons!" LINCOLN: "Did someone say tea party?" [reveals a tea pot and a box of cookies] LOLA: "Eeeee! Thank you, Lincoln!" [takes the items and goes back to her room] LANA: "Hey, I don't want to be part of some dumb old tea party, I want to watch TV!" LINCOLN: "Not even if [pulls out something from behind him] these guys are invited?" [holds out two frogs; one croaks] LANA: "Eeeee! Thanks, Lincoln!" [takes the frogs and goes back to her room] LINCOLN: "Hey, Luan!" LUAN: "I was just heading downstairs to watch TV." LINCOLN: "You might want to grab your video camera instead. The twins are at it again." [Lola and Lana fighting] LUAN: "This is totally going to go viral!" [gives in to record the brawl] "Thanks, Linc!" [Lisa and Lily come out of their room] LINCOLN: "Hey, Lisa. I saved you a trip downstairs and got that stuff you needed." LISA: "The lactose, triticum protein, sodium chloride crystals, sucrose, and galus galus ovum?" LINCOLN: "Uh, you mean milk, flour, salt, sugar and eggs?" [holds out ingredients] LISA: "You say tomato, I say solanum lycopersicum. Thank you." [takes the ingredients and goes back into her room] LYNN: "Yeah! Two minutes to game time! Whoo!" LINCOLN: "Hey, Lynn, check it out." [holds out a football that starts floating] "I filled it with helium for the extreme player who demands more." LYNN: "I demand more!" [Leni is approaching.] LINCOLN: "Uh, go long!" [Whistle blows, Lynn struggles to get the ball.] LYNN: "Get over here, you!" LINCOLN: "Oh my gosh, Leni!" LENI: "What, is there a spider on me?" [frantically rubs her head] "Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" LINCOLN: "Worse. There's a zit on the end of your nose!" LENI: "I'm a hideous monster!" [runs away] LUNA "Hey, bro! TV tonight is gonna be rockin'!" [Strums her guitar.] "Yeah!" LINCOLN: "Or, you can have your very own flashlight rock show in your bedroom." [holds out a colorful flashlight and Luna takes it] LUNA: "That is sweet! Thanks, Linc!" [Goes back into her room] LORI: "Has anyone seen my phone? I need to live-tweet my show!" LINCOLN: [Takes out the phone and presses buttons on it] "Hey, Lori! Hey, Lori, I found your phone!" LORI: "Give me that!" [snatches her phone] "How many times do I have to tell you to keep your hands of my stuff!" [Phone rings, Lincoln counts down.] "Hello? Oh, hi Bobby." [Laughs] "No, I didn't text you to call me, but I'm glad you did!" [to Lincoln] "Thanks for nothing, twerp!" LINCOLN: [Sees Lily sleeping, lays her in the laundry basket and kisses her.] "And that makes 10." [Lincoln slides down the stairs and jumps to the floor; to the viewers] "Like I said, I might not be the fastest, and I might not be the strongest, but to get all of my sisters out of the way, it pays to have a plan." LUCY: "You forgot me." LINCOLN: "Ahh!" [Falls to the ground after getting startled by his sister] "Lucy! I always forget about Lucy!" LUCY: "Story of my life." LINCOLN: "What are you doing here?" LUCY: "It's the season premiere of my favorite show, "Vampires of Melancholia"." LINCOLN: "This is the episode of ARGGH that everyone is going to be talking about at school tomorrow! Please let me watch it? Pretty please with a black cherry on top?" LUCY: "I'm sorry, Lincoln, but you know the rule. I was here [in slow motion] first." LINCOLN: "NOOOOOO!" [Looks at remote and licks it] "Ha!" LUCY: [holds up another remote] "That's the old remote that Lily threw into the toilet." ''[Lincoln gags, rubs his tongue, and spits out the germs. He then weeps.]'' LUCY: "Sorry, Lincoln, I can't miss my vampires. Edwin is so cold and tormented and mysterious. Sigh. If only he wasn't from another century." LINCOLN: "Another century! That's okay, Lucy. You watch your show on the big color TV. I'll just go watch my show on Dad's crummy, old, black-and-white TV." LUCY: "Black and white are my favorite colors." LINCOLN: "Yeah, it'll make watching my show a little more spooky!" LUCY: "Spooky is also my favorite color." LINCOLN: "Well, enjoy your vampires." LUCY: "Wait! I'll take the old TV!" [Cut to Lucy's room where Lincoln is found grunting to get the TV to the other side of the bed.] LINCOLN: "How can only two colors be so heavy?" [Puts it on the bed.] "Now to plug it in. So, you can be happy or sad or whatever that emotion is. And I won't be left in the dark." ''[Plugs in the TV. Power goes out.]'' "Dang it."

[Many of the Loud kids murmur in confusion about the power outage] LORI: "All right! All right! Everybody just calm down!" LENI: "Guys! I can't see anything! I think I've gone blind!" LORI: "No, you didn't go blind. What the heck happened?" LINCOLN: "I was just plugging in the old TV for Lucy and it must've made the lights go out." LORI: "Of course it was your fault, Lincoln." [All the other sisters complain about what their brother did.] LINCOLN: "What? All I did was plug in some dumb old TV!" LUAN: "Hey! I know why the lights went out! Cause they liked each other! [laughs as her siblings sighs] "Get it? Get it?" LISA: "That one was so good, it deserved a cookie." [hands her one] LUAN: "Oh, thanks." [eats it] "So anyway, what did one light bulb say to the other?" [suddenly starts glowing] [The rest of the siblings gasp.] LINCOLN: "You're glowing." LUAN: "Oh. I already told you that one?" LUNA:"No, dude. You are glowing." LUAN: "Hey, wow!" LORI: "Everyone back away from Luan. [the siblings step back] Lisa, Mom and Dad said you're not allowed to use your siblings as experimental guinea pigs anymore!" LENI: "Yeah! Not after what you did to me!" [Cut to flashback of Leni and Lisa with Leni experiencing side effects from Lisa's experiment. Her face is extremely swollen and covered in blemish like substances.] LENI: "My face feels funny." [End flashback] LISA: "Classic. All I did was infuse the bioluminescent DNA of the Aequorea victoria jellyfish into a cookie. I call them Gloweos. Besides, now we can see." LORI: "Okay. Everyone huddle around Luan. [They do as Lori says] LUAN: "I always knew I was the light of your life." [giggles as the rest of her siblings sigh.] LINCOLN: "Okay. So, how about we get that power back on." LORI: "Hey, when Mom and Dad are out, I'm in charge. So first, we need to get a head count to make sure we're all here." LINCOLN: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten and me, that's 11. Yep, that's all of us. We are all here and accounted for." LUCY: "You forgot me." [Lincoln screams and falls to the ground after getting startled by Lucy.] LINCOLN: "Can I go flip the circuit breaker and get the lights back on before Lucy gives me a heart attack?" LORI: "Again, in charge. I'll do it. Where's this circuit breaker thingy?" LINCOLN: "In the basement."

''[The kids arrive at the basement. Lori's shadow peers over the basement's darkness.]'' LORI: "Why am I the one who has to do this?" LORI'S SIBLINGS: [at the same time angrily] "Because you're in charge!" LORI: "All right, all right! Come on, Luan. Light the way." LUAN: "That's the brightest idea you've had all day!" ''[giggles. Lori pulls her from their siblings. After doing so, Luan's glow goes away. The rest of the siblings gasp.]'' "Oooh. I thought I was staying in tonight, but I guess I'm going out!" [Luan giggles as the rest of her siblings sigh.] LORI: "Lisa, give her another one of those cookies. We won't tell." LISA: [On her clipboard] "Negative. That was the only one. Prototype." LORI: "Just great..." [hears a wooden creak and gasps in fear] "There's something in the basement! I'm not going down there!" LYNN: [taunts] "Ooh! You're scared of the dark!" LORI: "I am not! You're the one who's scared." LYNN: "I'm not afraid of anything." LUCY: "Boo." LYNN: "AAH!" [While most of the girls start arguing, the twins start to tremble with fright] TWINS: "THERE'S A GHOST IN THE BASEMENT!!!" [sobbing] LINCOLN: "Guys! I'm running out of time! It's really important that I...I...I..." [sighs in realization] "...fix this. OKAY, QUIET!" [the girls stop] "Come here, you two. It's okay. There's nothing to be afraid of." [hugs the twins to confront them] "Your big brother will protect you. In fact...I will protect all of you! For I am Cadet Lincoln!" CADET LINCOLN "Highly trained student of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters! Or...ARRGH!" ARRGH! [puts on night vision goggles and busts out his walkie-talkie] "Cadet Clyde, this is Cadet Lincoln. Forget the plan. I'm going to need backup." [Enter Clyde] CLYDE: "Cadet Clyde, reporting for duty." [notices Lori and gets aroused] "L-L-L-Lori?" [starts acting like a robot] "RED ALERT. RED ALERT. DOES NOT COMPUTE. CIRCUIT OVERLOAD. MUST ABORT MISSION." [leaves] LINCOLN: [to the viewers] "I told you it gets awkward." [prepares to enter the basement] "I will now descend into the scariest place in the house: the basement." BASEMENT "But fear not, with my official ARRGH! branded night vision goggles, I can see in the dark." [begins to head down but slips down the stairs and loses his walkie-talkie] LORI: "Lincoln, are you okay?" LINCOLN: "The bad news is, my goggles are just a toy, and do not really see in the dark! The good news is, they cushioned my face from the hard basement floor!" LUAN: "Hey! I think my video camera has a night vision setting." LINCOLN: [rushes back up] "Sweet!" [takes it] "It's just like the cameras they use on ARRGH! I'm going in." LORI: "Wait! You're not leaving us up here all alone, are you? I mean, we couldn't possibly let you go down there all alone. We should all go down together. As a group." [grins pleadingly] LINCOLN: "Very well. I'll lead the way."

[The basement; Lincoln leads the way with Luan's camera as his guide] LINCOLN: "You may want to stay close. There's no telling what could be lurking down here in the dark." LUAN: "There's nothing funny about this situation. Although, I do like dark humor." LENI: "Is someone touching my hand?" LYNN: "You're touching your own hand." LORI: "I hate basements." [An eerie sound comes] LORI: [gasps] "What's that moaning?!" [The girls all gasp and Lincoln turns to the source] LINCOLN: "Don't freak out. It's just the pipe settling." [Another scary sound] LENI: "What's that scratching?!" [The girls gasp again and Lincoln checks] LINCOLN: "Don't be scared. It's just Cliff the Cat." [Cliff is using his scratching post and meows] LYNN: [plug up her nose] "What is that smell?!" [The girls gasp again and Lincoln sees something familiar] LINCOLN: "It's just Lily with a full diaper." [Luna is holding Lily and understandably grossed out by her baby sister] LILY: [giggles] "Poo-poo!" LINCOLN: "See, guys? I told you. There's nothing to be afraid of." [Another ominous noise occurs, surprising Lincoln and his sisters] LORI: "What is it?!" ???:"Lincoln...LINCOLN..." LINCOLN: [terrified] "IT'S A GHOST AND IT KNOWS MY NAME!" [The girls all start running around and all of them except Lucy is screaming] LINCOLN: [bravely] "I'LL SAVE YOU, SISTERS!" [charges at the ghost] [The lights come back on and it turns out Lincoln is attacking the laundry basket] LINCOLN: Hi-yah! Take that, evil sprit! LORI: [After finding the circuit breaker and turned the lights back on herself] "Cool it, Lincoln. It's not a ghost. It's just our laundry." [Lincoln emerges from the laundry and sheepishly grins; it also turns out that the sound was coming from his walkie-talkie] CLYDE: [on the other end] "Lincoln! Lincoln! Do you read me?" LINCOLN: [picks up] "Clyde?" CLYDE: "I was just calling to say sorry for not being such a good ARRGH! cadet. And is your sister ready to date younger men?" LORI: "Never gonna happen!" CLYDE: "Was that your sister?!" [robot act] "RED ALERT. RED ALERT. OVERLOAD. OVERLOAD." [Lincoln has one of those "The things I have to put up with" looks on his face] LENI: [with her eyes closed] "Guys! I still can't see!" LISA: "Open your eyes." LENI: [opens her eyes] "IT'S A MIRACLE!" LORI: "First one to the TV is couch commando." LINCOLN: "I can still get there first!" [Lincoln hurries to the couch so he can be the first one and races and passes all of his sisters; he manages to get there first and grabs the remote and turns on the TV only to be find out that his show is now over] HUNTER SPECTOR: "WOW! That was by far the best episode of ARRGH! ever! I'd hate to be you if you missed it!" LINCOLN: [Shocked] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! [lamenting] I can't believe I missed my show..." [Lincoln starts to break into tears and his sisters all see how miserable he is and feel pretty bad for him] LORI: [hands him some popcorn] "Sorry you missed your show, Lincoln." LUAN: "But you just lived it. Check it out." [plugs her camera into the TV and shows him what he filmed] [They watch and enjoy their little adventure on film and Lincoln is happy to have actually lived the show instead of just watching it] LINCOLN: [To the viewers] "You know, I may have missed my show. But sometimes, it's not about being there first. Sometimes, It's about being there together. All of us." LUCY: "You forgot me." SIBLINGS: [Got startled by her appearance] "AAAHH!!!"