Who is Ms. Question?

Transcript for Who is Ms. Question?
Narrator: To an outsider, nighttime in the city can look a little scary. But you might be surprised to find out that behind their exteriors, these apartment buildings are filled with people just like you-- aspiring villains in their final class at villain school. Hey, they’re not people just like you! What’s going on in there?

(Scene: Inside an apartment.  Ms. Question and Big Left Hand Guy are sitting on stools, wearing graduation caps, with a cap floating between them, as the Coach paces in front of them.)

Coach: I hold in my hands two official graduation certificates from the Coach’s School for Evil Villains and Arch-enemies. Unfortunately, that means one of you didn’t make the cut.

Big Left Hand Guy: Oh, please have one for Big Left Hand Guy.

Invisi-Bill: (who is wearing the “floating” cap)  Invisi-Bill! That’s me, Invisi-Bill!

Ms. Question: So which one of us didn’t make it?

Coach: Mmm, not so fast. I’d like to make this as long and overly dramatic as possible. (chuckles, and clears his throat) Um, Ms. Question?

Ms. Question: (nervously)  Mm-hmm?

Coach: Will you please stand up?

(She stands.)

Coach: Congratulations!

Ms. Question: Ahh!

Coach: You’re the first person to find out whether or not you earned your official graduation certificate.

(Her expression turns from joy to frustration, then to anticipation.)

Coach: Oh, and the decision is, you did--

Ms. Question: Ahh.

Coach: --not--

Ms. Question: (gasps)

Coach: --fail--

Ms. Question: Ahh...

Coach: --to disappoint me.

Ms. Question: Huh?

Coach: Which means, you are not graduating, but Invisi-Bill and Big Left Hand Guy are.

Big Left Hand Guy: Whew!

Invisi-Bill: Whoopee! Hooray for me! Yay! Invisi-Bill!

Ms. Question: What? But haven’t I completed all the assignments?

Coach: Well, yes.

Ms. Question: So, doesn’t that mean I really did pass?

Coach: No, it does not.

Ms. Question: Why? I mean, don’t you like my name?

Coach: Ms. Question’s a world-class villain name. Love it.

Ms. Question: And did you notice that my outfit has a tiny question mark stitching?

Coach: Yeah... this is uncomfortable. Uh... well, you’re missing the one thing every evil villain needs to take it to the next level.

Ms. Question: And what’s that?

Coach: A superpower. Take Big Left Hand Guy. He’s got that big left hand. Isn’t that something?

Big Left Hand Guy: Hey, thanks, Coach. (chuckles)

Coach: And check out Invisi-Bill. He can make himself invisible.

Invisi-Bill: Bye-bye! Hello! Ha ha!

Coach: (giggles)  And his name is Bill, which is just perfect. Which brings me to you.

Ms. Question: What about me?

Coach: You call yourself Ms. Question, and you certainly do ask a lot of questions.

Ms. Question: And you don’t think that’s a superpower?

Coach: No. Just kind of annoying.

Ms. Question: But what about my question mark lassos? Aren’t they super?

Coach: Mmm, that’s not a superpower, either. It’s more of a sewing thing. Listen, Ms. Q, it’s never easy to cut anyone from the team, but-- you just don’t have what it takes. (chuckles)

(The Whammer, who has been making popcorn, walks over to Ms. Question and picks her up by the arms. He carries her to the door and tosses her outside, then brings back the cap.  Outside, Timmy Tim-Bo walks back to the apartment building carrying a box.  Ms. Question comes through the front door, dejected.)

Ms. Question: Oh! Oh! How can thing night get any worse?

(The door closes behind her, and Timmy glares at her. Then they hear a loud clap of thunder.  Above them, a cloud shaped like a question mark forms, and a bolt of lightning comes down and strikes Ms. Question, knocking her to the ground.)

Ms. Question: Ohh. Huh?

Narrator: Don’t worry, kids, that’s not dangerous lightning. It’s just strong enough to cause superpowers.

(The Coach comes through the front door.)

Coach: Oh, hey. Would you mind keeping your  inquiring  down a little? The new graduates and I are trying to enjoy our celebration cake.

Ms. Question: Do you notice anything different about me, Coach?

(Coach takes a slice of cake from the box Timmy is holding and starts eating it.)

Coach: Mmm. No.

Ms. Question: Are you sure?

Coach: Yep.

Ms. Question: Do you want to rethink that?

Coach: Well, maybe. But-- (scoffs) --right. More of the annoying questions. Well--

Ms. Question: Well, what do you think of-- THIS?

(She turns to him, and begins shooting question marks from her chest. They strike Coach, and a large question mark appears over his head.)

Coach: Ooh! Who am I? What am I doing here? Why...huh? What?

(Ms. Question reaches down to the question mark on her outfit, and retrieves an energized question mark, which expands until it is as large as she is. She puts it down, and it hovers over the sidewalk.)

Ms. Question: Ha ha ha! How do you like my new ability to make people question everything, even who they are? Would you call THAT a superpower? Who can stop me now? Ha ha ha!

(She jumps onto the large question mark and begins riding it like a hoverboard. She sails off into the air.)

Coach: Oh. Oh. How’d I get cake on my mustache? But-- oh, yeah.

Narrator: The next morning, at the Botsfords’, TJ entertains his family with a joke book he borrowed from the public library.

(Scene: The Botsford living room.  TJ is standing in front of the couch with a joke book, and holding a WordGirl hairbrush as a pretend microphone.  Becky, Bob and Mr. Botsford are sitting and listening.)

TJ: Ooh.. Gum jokes. This is a good one. “What did the piece of gum say to the shoe?”

Becky: Uh, I’ve heard this one.

TJ: “I’m stuck on you!”  Ha ha ha!

Mr. Botsford: Ha ha ha ha! Shoe! I get it. That’s terrific.

TJ:  Hilarious , right? Okay. Who wants to hear another one?

Becky: Well, I’m not sure we have time--

(Mr. Botsford and Bob raise their hands.)

Mr. Botsford: Me, me, me, me! I do, I do.

TJ: “What do cats read in the morning?”

Mr. Botsford: Hmm. What DO cats read in the morning? Come on, you know this.

(With her super-hearing, Becky hears Ms. Question say, “Paper or plastic? Which one is better for stealing all the money in the register?”)

Becky: (gasps, and speaks to Bob in a low voice)  Someone’s robbing the grocery store. We have to stop her.

(Bob is flipping through a reference book on cats, and holds up a finger.)

TJ: Let’s review the set-up, shall we? What do cats... read... in... the morning? Nobody? Give up? Mewspapers! Ha ha!

(Mr. Botsford and Bob laugh hysterically, while Becky covers her face.)

Mr. Botsford: That’s  hilarious , TJ! Oh, just--

Becky: Um, I just-- I just remembered, I have to, uh, go to school early. Would anyone like to  inquire  why?

(TJ and Mr. Botsford are still laughing over the joke. Becky and Bob walk out the door, transform into WordGirl and Huggy, and take off.)

(Scene: the grocery store.  Ms. Question is piling money from the cash register into paper bags.)

Manager: No, no, no. That money doesn’t go there. If you’re  inquiring  about a job here, you can’t be messing up important things like where the money goes.

Ms. Question: Why do you think I want to work here?

Manager: Well, you can’t. Not anymore.

Ms. Question: Can’t you see I’m stealing all your money?

Manager: Aha! Taking from the till, are you? You’re fired!

Ms. Question: How can you fire me if I’m robbing you?

Manager: Good point. After examining the facts, I can tell you’re a creative thinker. Congratulations, you’re back on the team.

Ms. Question: How about I just--

WordGirl: Hold it right there! Put down that money and-- did she pay for the food?

Manager: I don’t think she did.

WordGirl: And the food, too!

Ms. Question: WordGirl, have you ever wondered why you dress up and fight crime?

WordGirl: Not really, no.

Ms. Question: And isn’t it a little strange that your best friend is a tortoise?

WordGirl: Monkey, actually, and it’s not strange at all. He’s the best.

Ms. Question: Aw. Have you known each other a long time?

(WordGirl begins counting on her fingers.)

WordGirl: Let’s see. It’s 2, 3, 4...

Ms. Question: Should I just go ahead and go now?

WordGirl: Oh yeah, sure...

(Ms. Question walks out of the store carrying the money. Huggy shrieks.)

WordGirl: ...I mean, no! Ugh. No more questions, Ms. Question. You’re coming with me!

Ms. Question: Oh, am I?  Am I really? Ha ha ha ha!

(She turns around, and blasts questions marks at WordGirl and Huggy. Question marks appear above their heads, and they both have a dazed look.)

WordGirl: Who are you? Who am I? Word up?

Ms. Question: Am I good or what?

Manager: Wow, you really botched that one up, WordGirl. I’m afraid I can’t let you work here.

Narrator: Later, as TJ entertains his growing number of fans, Becky is in no mood for jokes.

(Scene: TJ’s treehouse, with lighted displays out front displaying pictures of TJ.  Inside, TJ is doing a comedy routine in front of a group of friends.  Becky and Bob are sitting in the back.)

TJ: Your laughter is like medicine to me. Is this your first time as a crowd before?

(Laughter from the audience. Bob also laughs, but Becky sits there with a frown.)

TJ: So, how about that gingerbread man, folks? “Can’t catch me, I’m the--” right. What’s the deal with that guy?

Boy: What is his deal?

TJ: Does he ever step in gum?

(Bob laughs again and points.)

Becky: Oh, not now, Bob. I’m trying to figure out a way to defeat Ms. Question. Plus, I know all these jokes. I took that joke book out in second grade.

TJ: Save it for the end, people.

(Bob chatters.)

Becky:  Hilarious ? No, I don’t think those jokes are  hilarious . I mean, they’re funny, but  hilarious  means really, really, really funny, and I just don’t see--

Boy: This guy is really, really, really funny!

Becky: Oh, well, there you go. (sighs) I just wish I knew where Ms. Question was going to strike next.

Girl: This is much better than the other thing we were going to do today-- go to the museum to see the new “Question Mark of Socrates” on display.

(Becky looks up.)

Boy: Oh yeah, that’s the pin that Socrates wore in ancient Greece, right?

Girl: That’s the one, at the museum. But why are we talking about it? Let’s keep listening to this  hilarious  comedy show. (giggles) Who cares about some incredibly valuable question mark, am I right?

Becky: (gasps and grabs Bob)  You know who WOULD care about that?

(Bob screeches.)

Becky: No, no, I’m not telling a joke. I’m really asking. And the answer is Ms. Question, that’s who. But we still need a plan. (short pause) I have an idea, Bob. Word UP!

(She transforms and takes off with Bob, apparently unnoticed by anyone else. She flies over to the museum, where Ms. Question is inside.)

Ms. Question: Is stealing the pin going to be this easy? Who’s going to try and stop me?

(Still riding on her question mark board, she hovers next to the display where the pin is mounted, and reaches out to grab it. A pair of arms reach up from the floor and shoo her away.)

Museum Curator: Huh? Huh? Uh, uh, the museum is now closed. Um, if you’d like to  inquire  about that artifact, you can come back during regular hours, young lady.

Ms. Question: Why can’t I see it now?

Museum Curator: Um, well, gosh, that’s just not the way we do things here at the museum.

Ms. Question: Isn’t the point of a museum to show people things?

Museum Curator: Of course, but--

Ms. Question: So why does it close?

Museum Curator: Why does it close? Uh, that’s a good question.

Ms. Question: And who’s to say I can’t take the Question Mark of Socrates home with me?

(She grabs it from the display.)

Ms. Question: Does it belong to Socrates? To the museum? Does anyone really own anything?

Museum Curator: Hmm. These are tough questions. I will have to  inquire  with my supervisor.

Ms. Question: Why do people keep saying that word “ inquire ” around me? What does it even mean?

(WordGirl flies in with Huggy.)

WordGirl: I’ll answer that question!

Ms. Question: WordGirl?

WordGirl: To  inquire  is to look for information or to ask questions. You  inquire  a lot. In fact, if you wanted, you could change your name to “Miss  Inquire .” Ha ha ha ha! (She laughs with a bit of a snort.)

Ms. Question: That wasn’t funny?

WordGirl: (disappointed)  Yeah...

Museum Curator: WordGirl, this nice young woman was just  inquiring  about our newest piece.

WordGirl: Oh, she wasn’t just  inquiring . Ms. Question wants more than information. She wants to take the “Question Mark of Socrates”, but she can’t have it!

Ms. Question: Don’t you remember what happened the last time we did this?

WordGirl: Just one second, Ms. Question. First, I have a question for you.

Ms. Question: Oh? What is it?

WordGirl: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

Ms. Question: What time... when an elephant... hmm. Hey, what are you--

WordGirl: Time to get a new fence!

(Huggy, sitting at a drum set, does a rimshot. Both the curator and Ms. Question start laughing.)

Museum Curator: That’s an oldie, but a goodie. I love it.

WordGirl: And speaking of time, why did the girl throw a clock out the windiw?

Ms. Question: Why did she do that? (She puts down the pin, and grabs her head.) What am I missing here?

WordGirl: She wanted to see time fly!

(Huggy does another rimshot. Ms. Question starts laughing again.)

Ms. Question: Who knew WordGirl was so  hilarious ?

WordGirl: And now it’s time for me to fly! Hi-yah!

She flies behind Ms. Question and grabs the Question Mark of Socrates, which Ms. Question had set down.)

Ms. Question: What? Do you really want to mess with me?

Museum Curator: Now, there will be no horseplay, girls.

(Ms. Question shoots question marks at WordGirl. She evades them.  Ms. Question then flies after her on her board.)

Narrator: Will WordGirl forget who she is once again? Will Ms. Question get her hands on the “Question Mark of Socrates”? Wait a minute. This question thing is kind of annoying.

''(The curator nods his head. WordGirl flies past him, and he gets hit with Ms. Question’s question marks.  Huggy grabs the cymbal from the drum set, and holds it up in front of him, reflecting the question marks back into Ms. Question and knocking her over.)

Museum Curator: (still confused from the attack)  Why is everybody in such a hurry all the time? I mean, what’s the rush? When’s my snack break?

Ms. Question: Why do I ask so many questions? Who am I? Is this poetic justice?

(WordGirl traps her in a suit of armor.)

WordGirl: It sure is!

(A police officer comes in, and takes Ms. Question away.)

Ms. Question: Where are you taking me? Do you know who I am? Should I call the police? Is there anybody listening?

Museum Curator: Still asking questions, huh?

Narrator: And so, Ms. Question is left to  inquire  how her plan to steal the “Question Mark of Socrates” was foiled, and she’ll have plenty of time to find answers in jail. Hey, WordGirl, if she wants her time there to fly by, maybe she should try throwing a clock out the window, right? Ha ha. Come on, that was  hilarious .

(Huggy falls over laughing, while WordGirl stands there unimpressed.)

(Scene: back at the treehouse.  TJ is still telling jokes, and his audience is laughing.)

Narrator: Join us next time for another colossal, exciting adventure of WordGirl!

(For the closing scene, WordGirl flies in front of the treehouse wearing a set of glasses with a fake nose and mustache.)