The Wasteland Warrior/The Impossible Desert/Carmageddon

The world has changed. It's a never-ending wasteland now. Not a single human is left only mutants. Something happened in my memory a few years back when the Mutagen Explosion went off. All I know is only me and Donnie made it out alive. We need fuel, Don. We're down to two barrels. Never gonna make it to Merchant Town on two barrels. Scanning now. Sorry, Raph, there's nothing for at least 100 miles. Looks like we'll just have to Make do, like always. Make do. Now entering the Savage Desert. Keep one hand on the wheel and the other on your blaster. Every second, Don, every second. Well, well, what do we have here? Time to do a little fishing, my Ravagers. We got a big one to catch. Desert roaches, Raphael? And to think you used to be afraid of bugs. - I was? I don't remember that. - Well, out here, bugs are one of the few sources of the nine essential proteins your body needs to survive. Those little critters, they contain histidine, isoleucine I do remember you used to annoy me with all the science talk. Don't worry, Raph. One day you'll get those memories back, but my cyber cortex needs to go into rest mode. - Powering down. Good night. - Good night, brother. Huh? Ahh! Ahhh! Nice to meet you. You can call me Verminator Rex. Maybe you can help us. We're looking for a girl and a map. Oh, here, let me show you the map to my fist! Everything you have belongs to Honey Badger Ravages now, You old terrapin including your shell. Donnie! Huh? Robo-high three! No time. Look! Aww, desert Wasteland apples You got to be kidding me. Time to kick some badger butt! - Ahh! - Ah! Zoinks! Really, really big rocket launcher. Well, I was saving this for a rainy day. Newsflash, Raph. It hasn't rained in 842 days, 7 hours, and 32 minutes. Translation: use it! No! Whoo-hoo! Kiss the Honey Badger Ravagers good-bye. Hey, Don, scan the area. Donnie? Ahhh, sometimes I really envy your sleep mode. Better check this place out for supplies. Got to find more water around here. Ahh! Oh, what a day, what a lovely day. A turtle on its back. He bakes in the hot sun Trying to turn itself over. Needs water. I need water. Oh! Can't be. It's just a mirage. Donnie? What took you so long? I was in sleep mode doing self-repairs from our last little run-in, and when I reactivated, I saw you'd turned into a young girl. Young girl? What? Little meerkat thief. I'm tired of these scavengers. Dump her by the side of the road and let's keep moving. But she doesn't have any water or shelter, Raph. Neither did I. I'm the captain of this ship. She goes. I won't leave her out here. That's not how Master Splinter raised us. I don't remember being raised or Master Splinter. You can drop her at the next bomb shelter we pass. Monitoring scans indicate we're heading toward the Impossible Wasteland. The area is said to be riddled with quicksand and dangerous desert monsters. - That's where I was going. - Through the wasteland? I'm looking for someone. So you got a name besides car thief? How did you end up in the Wasteland all alone? It's a long story. Don't you have a village or a tribe or something? My family was destroyed a long time ago. - They're gone. - Us too. We had two brothers. They didn't make it through the M. bomb. I am Mira of the Wild Meerkat Clan. How did you end up out here with that thing? That thing? I'm a person well, a turtle. Okay, turtle mind and a robot body, but I He used to be like me, then the Mutagen Explosions went off. My body was destroyed, but I was cybernetically wired to Metalhead Mark 2, a robot I designed, so I transferred my consciousness into this machine. Okay, okay. I have no idea what you're saying, but it's cool. Why are you on the road? Where are you two drongos going? Nowhere. We hunt, look for food, fuel, weapons, and try to stay alive. - That's about it. - There's more to life than scavenging. I'm a believer. Oasis is out there. I know the Green Paradise is real. - Ha! Oasis? Dream on, kid. - You're wrong. Oasis is real, and I'm gonna find it. Gonna look for some fuel. Maybe we'll get lucky. Don't go anywhere. Of course, I couldn't be that lucky. Oh, no! Donnie! You're pretty fast, for an old turtle. Got a few surprises myself. Wait, wait! Only I know how to get through the Impossible Wasteland. I know of another turtle out there. My brothers are gone. Boss, the stranger's getting close. Ten minutes out. - Don, you okay? - I'm back online, finally. You got nowhere to go turtle. Shut down your fancy robo, and hand over the keys to your war rig, and maybe I'll let you live and that's a big maybe. Not gonna happen. Way I see it, you're outnumbered, creep. Take a look around, old reptile. Maybe we can, um, negotiate? Last chance. Surrender and hand over your wheels, or you're gonna be buzzard food. You couldn't handle these wheels, Badger. No deal. Attack! We're going off road? Are you crazy? Crazy wins the Wasteland. Yeah, ha ha ha! Ahh! Ha, your metal butt's mine now, robot. Going somewhere? The sacred map! It's you, the girl marked with the map. Ah! No, I want that map! Huh? Donnie! Whoa1 Raph, get me off of this crazy thing! Nobody messes with my ride. Whoa! I hope Raph forgives me for jettisoning some fuel. Huh? Hey, Honey Badgers, you know you're in the same family as the common skunk? Glad you were so persistent, Mira. Yeah, you're a survivor. I like that. Not bad with a blade either. Reminds me of old Leo. There's a mystic out there somewhere in the Wasteland. He knows secrets. They say he's a turtle, like you. Some call him the Holy Chalupa. Michelangelo? Honey Badgers. Halt. Imperius Reptilicus. Call off your men. I seek parlay. What do you want with the Scale Tail Clan? A bargain. 10,000 gallons of filtered, non-radioactive aqua if you help me take revenge on a lone turtle warrior and capture a meerkat mutant. What if we just decide to take this aqua from you instead, yes? I can blow the whole stash and the Scale Tail Clan gets nada. But if we succeed, there's another 10,000 gallons in it for you. Got ourselves a deal, Reptilicus? Hmmm, you drive a hard bargain, Rex. Okay, boys, looks like we're going on a turtle hunt. Do you really think he could be your brother? A mad hermit living in the wild who calls himself the Holy Chalupa? Sounds like Mikey to me. I want to believe it too, Don, but don't get your hopes up. Before my clan was destroyed, they taught that the Holy Chalupa was the only one who could translate the map to Oasis. Ahh, Oasis is just fairytales and campfire stories, kid. Mira, can I see this map you keep talking about? We were all marked so we could find our way, but I'm the only one left. Hmm, doesn't resemble any language I've ever seen. It just looks like gibberish. The Holy Chalupa will know what it means, and the only way to find him is by crossing the Impossible Wasteland. - Just another desert to me. - I don't know, Raph. The Wasteland is miles of the harshest desert imaginable. The Wasteland is said to drive men mad. Ha. I'll show them who's mad. Huh? - Quicksand pits. - Hold on to your tattoo, kid. What's the holdup? This is where they went off-road. If they went into the Impossible Wasteland, we'll never find them. No, we will find them. I saw the map on the girl's arm. She knows where Oasis is, and I will bring her to my master. We keep riding! Watch it. Left, no, your other left! I see it, I see it. Huh? Ahh! Whoa! Phew. Whoa1 Got something approaching on radar fast. Get to those boulders! Metal feet, don't fail me now. Move your meerkat tail! By Darwin's beard! Whoa! Huh? Booyakasha! - Can it be? - Mikey? The Holy Chalupa? Big bro! I thought I'd never see you again. Chompy, look who it is. It's your dadda, Raph! What? Chompy? Chompy, wow. You got so big. I can't believe it. After all this time, you made it, Mikey. And look at you, D. Awesome robot body. Heavy metal high three. Ouch. Are you truly the mystic called the Holy Chalupa? I am the Holy Chalupa or, just Mikey. I am Mira of the Meerkat Clan. It was fate that brought me to you, Holy Chalupa. Ah, yes, the universe bringing us together as we were meant to be. Yep, he's still Mikey. How did you make it out here on your own without going crazy? Huh? What's that? Hmmm. Oh, you're so right, Doctor Deepdish. Bros, we should go before those sneaky Hoojibs steal our brain goo. I stand corrected. Move it, fools. Pull, pull! Ah, they passed this way. - What? - Huh? Wow, the odds of this being the last standing structure in a town like this must be astronomical. It's perfect, right? As long as sand storms, acid rain, and mushroom trolls don't bother you. I'm home, and I brought company. Phew. Welcome to Casa de Michelangelo. Whoa. This is my main amigo, Senor Antonio. High three, my Bro. Wow, the great stories of old. Yeah, yeah. Anything to eat around here? It's always pizza time at Mikey's house. Mmmm. I don't even have a stomach anymore, and I want to throw up. Dig in. Got plenty of water. Got to stay hydrated. Ugh. What is wrong with that? Ah, the water's actually over there. Mikey, how did you survive out here all this time? By the guidance of the Great Pepperoni. Have you heard the good news about the Great Pepperoni? It binds us all. It is you. It is me. It's this tiny sardine. Mikey, what about Leo? He was caught inside of that mutagen blast. There's no way he could have survived that. I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. But the Mutant Apocalypse isn't so bad. The bros are back together, Ice Cream Kitty and Chompy are kicking it, and we'll have all the pizza and cartoons we'll ever need, which reminds me. I found this, the last episode of "Space Heroes, the Next Generation. " Is that supposed to mean something? Let me refresh your brain mass, bromeo. Captain Ryan, we've crash landed in a desert wasteland. Everyone is gone except for us and those two guys. Huh? We're doomed, Captain. Doomed. We're not doomed till I say so, and I'm not saying so just yet probably later. - It it can't be. - Doctor Mindstrong. Yes, captain, I have returned. We thought you were dead. So did I, but I'm feeling much better. The Cybergs. If you surrender now, I will go easy on you. What? - Totally worth the wait. - But don't you see? This is exactly what's happening to us. Don't get so excited. It's just a cartoon, Raph. Geez. This better be worth it, Verminator. It will be, once we find Oasis, but first we got to take that compound. My boys are itching for a fight. We'll destroy everyone in there. Don't get trigger happy. I need the meerkat girl alive for now. Ah, mmm. Great and wise Chalupa. I do not mean to impose on your hospitality further, - but - Say nothing. I can sense a greater purpose has brought you here. You seek the secret to the perfect calzone, the kind that's evenly baked, but doesn't burn the roof of your mouth. No, Holy One. I'm seeking Oasis. That was my second guess. I've had this since I was a child, but I can't understand it. By the Great Pepperoni in the sky, I created this map years ago, but I lost it, and now it's a cool tattoo. So, Oasis is real. Whoa! Time to say good night, Turtles. See, what did I tell you? Just like that stupid cartoon. We know your secret, girl. You've got the map to paradise. - Get it off! - Come on! Oh, this is my favorite tune. Grab the girl. Destroy the rest. Mira! I'm coming, kid. Ah. Destroy him! Ahh! Whoa! Ahh! No! Don? Mikey? Chompy? A- Ahh! Ha, that'll take care of him. Back to the compound, Scale Tails. You're gonna be in that cage for a long time. Have fun. Hey! Aw, are you thirsty? Ugh, stupid, jerk-face reptilians. Hey! Oh, great. These two horn-nobs again. You were right, Verminator. She has the map. Transcribe it. As you wish, Imperius Reptilicus. This is a blessed day. My master, Maximus Kong has been seeking the Green Place for many years now. I cannot translate it. - The map is gibberish. - No! Tell us how to read it, child. Ow! Ugh! You taste like an old, dead rat, Verminator. Calm thyself, Verminator Rex. She will tell us everything when she's drying out from thirst. - Ahh. - Intruder! Red Stripe, you're alive. Well, couldn't leave my favorite meerkat behind, could I? Where are the others? Thank you, Raphael. Of course that had to happen. Move Mira. Go, go, go, go. Turtle, I should have known you weren't dead yet. Take him to the pit. Uh, Chompy. Ugh, thanks for the save. I missed you too, boy. It's okay, Ice Cream Kitty. Ow, I'm okay. Put me down, Chompy. Donnie, thank goodness you're alive, robo-bro. What the heck happened? Oh, man, Raph and Mira. They're out there somewhere. Probably captured by Verminator Rex. - So, Raphael, have a plan? - Nope, except for this. Not so tough now, are you, Red Stripe? Into the pit with you. My Scale Tail Clan! A challenger has come upon us and agreed to fight in ultimate combat. Now, this foolish turtle must battle the Scale Tail's greatest warrior me! No! I want to tear that turtle to pieces. I will fight him! We'll both take him on. Hey, wait. Don't I get a weapon? A twig? Raphael! Slice and dice, old turtle! Ow! No! Hm? I'm gonna chop you down to nothing but shell, turtle! All right, there it is the Scale Tail fortress. Chompy, ram the gate! Run away! Booyakabungalaaa! Ahh! Ahh! - And that takes care of that. - Uh, DonBot! Can you do a scan-y thing for Raph? Beep bop boop! Beep bop boop! Beep bop I don't "Beep bop". Boop! This way, dummy. Ha! Raphael Let me go, Scalies! Red Stripe! Red Stripe! Red Stripe! Gah! - Yeah! - Uh-huh! Yeah! What? That's cheating! Ah! By Word of Wasteland Decree, the Turtle Warrior wins! Yes! Red Stripe! Red Stripe! What? No, that's not fair. He cheated, he cheated! I'm telling Maximus! Ahh! Oh, no! They've captured him. - I've got you, Ra - Wait, Mikey! These guys aren't gonna kill him. They're celebrating him! Yes, Red Stripe has beaten us in battle, and that means he is leader to both clans now. So, what's next, Red Stripe? To Oasis. Maximus Kong! I seek an audience! Why do you disturb me, Verminator Rex? It is the map, sire. The map to Oasis. It is tattooed to the arm of a meerkat, but she is protected by warriors of great skill and cunning. They are nothing to me. I've been seeking Oasis for countless years. I've eradicated legions to find that map. If the green place exists, it belongs to Maximus Kong, lord of the wasteland! Onward, my peeps! Ho! So how far are we from Oasis? The map doesn't give distance. Just landmarks. Next, we should find this strange antenna stuck in a fork in the road. That's not an antenna. It's a real, live tree! A-a-a tree? It's an elongated perennial plant th Yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks for getting all science-y, Don. A tree is beautiful and green and perfect, and Oasis will be filled with them. Wow. I've only known sand and dust and death my whole life. I've never seen green things. Come on, let's keep moving. Here we are, guys. Canyon Maze! Follow me from here or we'll be lost forever. Hiyah! Oh, no, it's him! Maximus Kong! Ahh! Huh? Give us the girl, and I might let the rest of you live! Who the heck is that? You've never heard of Maximus Kong? King of the North? Warrior chief of the wasteland? Demagogue of the Desert? Just get out of here. Go! Faster! Run from that creep? I don't think so, Maximus Moron! The girl has a name, Mira, and she stays with us! Bring me the girl. Destroy the rest! I got that little meerkat. Traitors, all of you! Red Stripe Army is down. Donnie, you and Mikey take on the Synths. Mira, you take down the crazy honey badger. I'm going for Maximus. May the green goddess be with you. Goongala, you gap-tooth Destroy him, my Synthezoids! Rip the interloper to pieces! Ah! I gave you all that aqua. You traitorous scum! Red Stripe! Red Stripe! Red Stripe Red Stripe! Red Stri No one messes with the Verminator. I'll take that map, fool. I'll chop it off of you! - Gah! - Stupid skunk! You nasty little! Fool. You think you're a hero? You think you're going to take down a desert warlord who's destroyed all in his path? Less talk, King. More fighting! Maximus Kong is your master now, reptile! Red Stripe has no master! Now your life ends, outlander. Booyakabungalaaa! Ah! It can't be. L-Leo? L-Leo! Leo, it's me. It's Raphael! Look at me, man, w-we're brothers! Silence! Don't do this! Leo! Leo. I love you, brother. Holy chalupa! - Leo? - I can't believe it. - Leonardo! - Leo nardo? I-I don't I don't know who you're talking about, I I am Maximus Kong! Leo. It's gonna be okay, bro. Ra-Raphael? - Brother! - Leo! You're back! Oh, man. We thought we'd lost you forever. We looked everywhere for you. What happened to you? The last time we saw you that Mutagen Bomb went off. It's starting to come back to me, piece by piece. I remember, I-I was there. I was there. I remember pushing you all to safety, but I was caught in the middle of the blast. It mutated me into this horrible thing. The rage. But now, somehow, I'm back. Thanks to all of you. We've got the map to the green place, Leo! Next stop, paradise! Paradise? Sounds good to me. Booyakabungalaaa! Look at all that green. It's so beautiful. Wow. It really is an oasis. Not bad. Family, we're home. We are home.