A Beautiful Freddy

The Beginning
(The scene begins with our heroes watching a games show)
 * Hilly Burford: Hey, folks, get out your brains! It's time to play...
 * All: Trivia...Cash...A-Ding-Dong!

(Everyone cheers) (Otis throws a boot and the TV goes static) (On the roof) (Everyone runs outside to check on Freddy) (Everyone rethinks it over) (Everyone stood quiet) (Everyone cheers)
 * Winnie the Pooh: I really love this quiz show.
 * Goofy: This definitely feels like Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune.
 * Otis: Man this show has everything: humiliation, greed, fabulous prizes, the word ding dong. I love it.
 * Lisa: I agree Otis.
 * Pig: Not as much as Freddy does.
 * Freddy: Zucchini! The Magna Carta! Mudskippers!
 * Sci-Twi: Freddy, they haven't asked a question yet.
 * Freddy: Danish beaver cheese!
 * All: Quiet!
 * Freddy: Sorry, you know how much I love trivia.
 * Tigger: (Whispers to the others) Even though he doesn't know anything about trivia.
 * Sunset Shimmer: I don't think he can even spell trivia.
 * Pluto: (snickers)
 * Timmy Turner: Quiet down, it's starting.
 * Hilly Burford: Ok, finalists, put on your thinking bonnets. What is the chemical symbol for bacon?
 * Freddy: Margaret Thatcher! Pilates! The San Diego Chicken! (sits too close to television making everyone mad)
 * Lynn: Freddy, move your tiny brained head, we can't see the TV!
 * Freddy: Guys, phrase your angry shouts in the form of a question.
 * Otis: Why are you so stupid?!?
 * Human Rarity: Oh great Otis. You broke the TV.
 * Pip: Oh man. Now we'll never get to see who wins Million Dollar Ding Dong.
 * Otis: Don't worry. I'll fixed it. Freddy, go on the roof and wiggle the antenna around.
 * Freddy: I'm on it.
 * Rabbit: Are you sure that's a good idea? The weather calls for lightning appearing when you least expect it.
 * Tigger: Don't be ridiculous. He'll be alright.
 * Lana: And besides, it's Freddy. What could happen?
 * Freddy: Careful. Watch it. Easy. Made it. (get electrocuted and falls off the roof)
 * Spike the Dog: What was that?
 * Pip: Freddy fell off the roof! (sees the TV's on) Hey the show's back.
 * Rabbit: Told you.
 * Winnie the Pooh: Are you quite alright Freddy?
 * Freddy: Well, Pooh Bear, the distance from the roof equals the velocity of the rate of descent times pi, so, yes, I'm in a lot of pain.
 * Cosmo: Did anybody get that?
 * Eeyore: No clue.
 * Donald Duck: Not a single word.
 * Pig: Hey, he's talking like a fancy boy.
 * Human Fluttershy: And in a charming British accent.
 * Abby: Yeah, his words are HUGE.
 * Lincoln: But how did he figure all that out by being struck by lightning?
 * Freddy: It's odd really, my dear Lincoln. The chances of a lightning strike was 7,400 to 1 with a euro margin plus or minus 5.3.
 * Pip: Who are you and what have you done with Freddy!?!
 * Otis: Wait a minute. Freddy, what's the capital of outer Mongolia?
 * Freddy: Ulaanbaatar, of course.
 * Abby: (checks the globe and gasps) He's right.
 * Otis: What's the square of 680,000?
 * Freddy: 824, duh.
 * Peck: (checks abacus) He's right again.
 * Otis: (brings out a puzzle box) Quick, solve this incredible complicated--(Freddy finishes it) Ok then.
 * Lisa: (brings out her equation) Solve this equation by finding the error that I couldn't figure out.
 * Freddy: Easy, you multiplied your "Z" polynomials before solving your non-negative integer exponents. It's quite simple.
 * Lisa: (looks and gasps in horror)
 * Luna: Whoa, he just outsmarted Lisa, bro. What's going on here?
 * Pig: Isn't it obvious? Freddy's getting hit by lightning made us all dumb. (sticks a pickle up his nose)
 * Cosmo: Ooh, clever.
 * Rabbit: (groans)
 * Otis: Or made him a genius.
 * Pig: I don't follow.
 * Freddy: Hmm, frankly, I'm skeptical, from the skeptos, meaning "Doubtful."
 * Mickey Mouse: Now it's getting scary.
 * Human Rarity: I know.
 * Peck: I'm frightened.
 * Pig: He's a witch! (The pickle comes out of his nose) Hoo.
 * Otis: No guys. He's not a witch. This is a good thing.
 * Cosmo: That's what the last witch said when he was catapulted into the lake.
 * Timmy Turner: That was me!
 * Cosmo: Right.
 * Otis: What I mean, Cosmo is with Freddy's smarts he can go on Trivia Cash A-Ding-Dong and win The Million Dollar Ding Dong. (Everyone cheers)
 * Sora: I like that idea.
 * Human Pinkie Pie: Me too.
 * Peck: Wait, guys. Why do we need a million dollars? We have everything we want
 * Freddy: Wait. This is my chance to finally do something for you guys.
 * Wanda: Oh yeah. Like what?
 * Freddy: I could win us a new nest egg for our old age. Or solar panels to make the barn fuel efficient.
 * Freddy: We could also buy a hot tub.
 * Sunset Shimmer: You should have led with that.
 * Tigger: Well, what are we standing around here for? Let's go win Trivia Cash A-Ding-Dong!

The Middle
(At the stage of Trivia Cash A-Ding-Dong) (Bigfoot growls angrily and the cat freaks out) (Everyone starts cheering) (A blank 6 word puzzle appears on the screen) (2 L's appears on the screen) (The answer was right) (Everyone cheers for Freddy, but Phyllis' cat spazzes out and Bigfoot wrecks the stage leaving in anger) (The crowd chants Freddy's name)
 * Hilly Burford: Get out your brains. It's time to play....
 * All: Trivia Cash A-Ding-Dong!
 * Abby: Otis, do you really think Freddy has a chance to win the million?
 * Otis: With his new lightning-induced thing-Knowing Ability? I don't know.
 * Piglet: Let's hope so.
 * Cosmo: Relax Piglet. He'll win this no doubt.
 * Lola: And if he doesn't, we'll just shun him for the rest of his life.
 * Sci-Twi: No we won't.
 * Lola: You might not.
 * Mickey Mouse: You can do this, Freddy!
 * Pluto: (barks)
 * Hilly Burford: Let's meet today's contestants. He's a paralegal and part-time hand model. Say hi to Freddy Not-A-Ferret.
 * Freddy: Let's hope my perspicacity matches my grandiloquence.
 * Hilly Burford: Hey, those words are HUGE. Next up, a manicurist who lives with 28 cats. Let's meet Phyllis Terwillger.
 * Phyllis Terwilleger: Hi, Whiskers. (her cat attacks Hilly's hair)
 * Hilly Burford: And finally, legendary behemoth and model trade lover. So hello to Bigfoot.
 * Bigfoot: (roars in excitement)
 * Spike the dog: This is going to be tough round to complete.
 * Otis: I think you're right, Spike. Because Bigfoot really knows his state capitals.
 * Hilly Burford: Hey, let's play some Ding-dong. In what year did Vasco De Gama--
 * Freddy: 1562.
 * Hilly Burford: Hey, he's right. Next Question. What country Imports--
 * Freddy: Argentina.
 * Hilly Burford: Right again.
 * Goofy: Keep it up Freddy. You're on a roll.
 * Hilly Burford: What film--
 * Freddy:
 * Hilly Burford: Who--
 * Freddy: Beethoven.
 * Hilly Burford: What--
 * Freddy: Athlete's Foot.
 * Hilly Burford: Where--
 * Freddy: The Renaissance.
 * Hilly Burford: Hey, you starting to freak me out. We got a live one folks.
 * Hilly Burford: Ok contestants, it's time for The Ding Wordy Word Challenge.
 * Wanda: We're almost there.
 * Otis: If Freddy win this round, he moves on to Million Dollar Ding Dong.
 * Pig: Go, Fancy Boy, go!
 * Sora: Win us that Ding Dong!
 * Hilly Burford: You have 30 seconds to solve this puzzle using these letters.
 * Hilly Burford: And....puzzle!
 * Freddy: The answer is...(suddenly his phone rang) Oh, excuse me one second. (answers) Hello? Yes I would like to change my long distance service.
 * Lori: What he doing?
 * Otis: Sweet cud, those guys always call at the wrong time.
 * Donald: If he doesn't answer the question, he lose.
 * Abby: The puzzle, Freddy. Solve the puzzle.
 * Hilly Burford: Anybody else?
 * Phyllis Terwillger: Is it bundt cake?
 * Hilly Burford: Wow, that is a terrible guess.
 * Bigfoot: (roars the answer)
 * Hilly Burford: Oooh, so close, but wrong. 3 seconds.
 * Spike the dog: Come on Freddy.
 * Freddy: Well, you have a nice day too. Ta. (hangs up) I like to solve the puzzle. New York meets Base-Stealing Sensation Mookie Wilson.
 * Hilly Burford: You're going to Million Dollar Ding-Dong!
 * Hilly Burford: Well we're out of time. But join us tomorrow if Freddy Not-a-Ferret play for 1 million smack-a-ronis. (Cat attacks Hilly's hair again)

(Later that night, Otis is making a toast) (Everyone cheers) (Everyone freaks out)
 * Otis: To Freddy, the smartest guy we know.
 * Freddy: Thanks ever so. It's just so nice to do something for you guys. (makes a goofy face) Hey, I should use my big brain to fixed the TV.
 * Lana: Knock yourself out, Freddy.
 * Otis: This is great. It's like having a whole new Freddy.
 * Abby: Yeah, his brain is huuuuuuuuuggggee!
 * Pooh: You said it.
 * Timmy: And the best part, he can't possibly screw anything up anymore.
 * Freddy: Well, I'm done. (brings in a wooden TV)
 * Sci-Twi: Uh, Freddy, what exactly did you use to fix the TV?
 * Freddy: Mud, loose planks, but the secret ingredient was Palenta.
 * Rabbit: That's not how you fixed a TV.
 * Peck: Freddy, only a moron would fixed a TV with Palenta.
 * Freddy: Oh your right. I should have used tapioca.
 * Otis: This looks bad.
 * Eeyore: To make a long story short, uh oh.
 * Abby: Oh no, he's dumb again.
 * Freddy: What? No, I'm not. 2 plus 2 is fish. German is an attractive language. Oh no, I am stupid.
 * Freddy: Otis, you have to fix me. I need to get zapped again.
 * Otis: Freddy, no, it's too dangerous!
 * Freddy: I don't care. I refused to let you guys down.
 * Abby: Freddy we don't care if you win or not. You're our friend.
 * Freddy: A friend who hasn't won a million dollar ding dong
 * Pip: You know there's one more thing we could try. Electric zappy thing charged and ready
 * Otis: Freddy, are you sure about this?
 * Freddy: I know what I'm doing. Shock me Otis. (Freddy gets shocked) A dodecahderon has 12 sides. Australopithecus was the first hominid. Huzzah, I'm smart again.
 * Pip: Yeah, but for how long?
 * Freddy: Don't worry Otis. I'll win that million or my name in anagram form isn't.

The Ending

 * Narrator: The next day...
 * Freddy: Remember, Otis, if I get dumb again, just shock me. The wires are cunningly hidden under this top hat.
 * Otis: I don't know Freddy. I'm having seconds thoughts about this.
 * Freddy: (chuckles) You probably even have to. I'm smarter than ever. Alpha Centauri is 4.3 light years from Earth.
 * Pig: That's our fancy boy.
 * Hilly Burford: Ok, let's bring out yesterday's big winner: Freddy Not-a-Ferret. Ok, how'd a been, little guy? Are you ready to play Million Dollar Ding Dong?
 * Freddy: I'm sure am, Hilly.
 * Hilly Burford: Well, all righty. Let's play some Ding Dong! Ok, let's start off with a easy one: Who is the author of Shakespeare's Sonnet?
 * Freddy: Phil Pleshevsky. No wait, Denise Doodlemire. Uh? Uh?
 * Pip: He's dumb again. Shock him, Otis!
 * Otis: Sorry, Freddy.
 * Freddy: Did I say, Phil Pleshevsky? I meant William Shakespeare, the Bard of Avon, 1564 to 1616
 * Hilly Burford: Correct! Next question: How many pickles are in a 16 ounce pickle jar?
 * Freddy: It's...oh...could you repeat the question?
 * Otis: It's wearing off faster and faster.
 * Pip: I'll boost the power. (turns it up to lighting) Now zap him!
 * Otis: Ok, but this is the last time.
 * Freddy: 27 pickles. 29 if they're gherkins.
 * Hilly Burford: Hey, bingo! You're one answer away from a million dollars. For all the potatoes: Who won last year's award for Best Actress in a Circus Movie?
 * Freddy: Uh the answer is on the tip of my tongue. Uh, it will zap me in a moment. I said, it will "zap" me!
 * Pip: He needs one more jolt. I'll boost the power.
 * Abby: Otis, it says never go that high. We could fry his brain permanently.
 * Otis: Permanently?!?! That's almost forever. I won't risk it.
 * Freddy: Uh, Hilly, I like to phone a friend
 * Hilly Burford: Well, that is a different show. But, I don't see why not.
 * Freddy: Alright, let me just get my lucky phone. Otis, you have to zap me.
 * Otis: I can't Freddy. It's too dangerous. Let's just go home.
 * Freddy: No, I won't let you guys down. I need more power (boosts to crossbones)
 * Otis: Freddy, no!
 * Freddy: (shocks himself too much, he wakes up flying above the clouds) What's happening? Did I win?
 * Man: Not yet, Freddy.
 * Freddy: (gasps) Alan Einstein?
 * Albert Eisenstein: It's Albert, actually. But that's not important. Now, I'm hear to tell you that your friends don't care if your smart. They love you just the way you are.
 * Freddy: They do?
 * Albert Eisenstein: Of course. Oh and FYI, the answer to the question is Cameron Diaz.
 * Freddy: Thanks Eisenstein. Bye.
 * Hilly Burford: Hey, little guy. You all right? This usually works when you smacks somebody in the face a bit. (slaps Freddy a few times)
 * Freddy: The answer is Cameron Diaz.
 * Hilly Burford: Is that your final Ding Dong?
 * Freddy: Yes it is?
 * Hilly Burford: Well...that's wrong! You lose!
 * All: Awwww!
 * Freddy: Curse you, Alan Eisenstein! You know nothing about popular culture!
 * Albert Eisenstein: Meh.

(Later that night) (Everyone laughs as Einstein as Tinkerbell fades the scene to black)
 * Otis: See Freddy, this isn't so bad. We can still play the home version of Trivia Cash Ding Dong.
 * Peck: Your turn, Freddy. Name the capital of Bulgaria.
 * Freddy: Uh, Morgan Freeman?

The End.