Sesame Street Rave

[side of a building]

New Guy (Alex): Thanks for throwing me a welcoming party, Count! I've never been to a party hosted by a vampire before.

Count: I do it for all the newcomers, Alex. After tonight, I guarantee you'll be... one of us. (laugh)

[cut to inside of building, with scenarios of: Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch partying, along with Cookie Monster deejaying, Bert and Ernie hugging in content, and Grover making out with two prostitutes.]

Alex: I guess when our show's guests include Katy Perry and Ice Tea, it's a slippery slope. (woos in joy) Hey, Grover! Hi, Snuffy!

[blood drips onto Alex's arm, followed by all the sprinklers leaking blood, zombifying the other Muppets]

Alex: Oh, no! The Count! He turned you all into... to... the undead!

Count: If you assumed I was a vampire in every other way but that, man I'd count one. One moron!

[The Count shoves Alex onto the floor, trying to crawl away from the newly born Muppet zombies.]

Alex: Oh, no! (runs into a tall guy in black with shades, who is Blade) Oh, nice character intro! How long have you been here watching me shit myself?!

Count: Get him!

[Blade readies a shotgun, and shoots the Zombie Muppets, in order: Grover, Cookie Monster, (punches Elmo, strangles Bert and Ernie, followed by bashing their heads together, and then using a sword to cut Big Bird's head, but not before him saying:)

Big Bird: "S" is for "severed".

[then Blade decapitates Big Bird, and proceeds to attempt to shoot Oscar the Grouch, but the metal trash can keeps deflecting the bullets]

Oscar: Ha! Flawless, built-in defense system! Wait what are you doing?!

[Blade lifts the lid, and then successfully kills Oscar, followed by The Count flinging himself at Blade, who in turn holds him against a wall]

Count: I see one, one dead mother... Oh my goodness, there's not a speck of blood on you. What, do you keep a pack of Handi-Wipes in that flight jacket?

Blade: No, just this. [pulls out a grenade]

Count: One, two...

Blade: Stop counting!

Count: That was a play-by-play. I just pissed and shit in my own pants.

[Blade stuffs the grenade in Count's mouth and throws him aside before Count groans in agony for a few seconds prior to exploding. Blade then helps Alex to his feet.]

Alex: Wow, so I guess if you've hunted all the way to Sesame Street, you must have gotten every vampire in the world.

Blade: Not quite.

[cut to Count Chocula's castle]

Count Chocula: Who wants some of my Count Chocula cereal? Which if looked at from a very specific point of view is a nutritious part of this balanced breakfast!

[Blade cocks a shotgun]

Count Chocula: Fuck you!

[Blade blows Count Chocula's brains out]