All by Myself

my mother called it the greatest and most terrifying moment in her life.

he said "Karev.

" Standing at the head of the surgical table, knowing that a patient's life depends on you and you alone ... he said "Karev.

" Yes!

Are you sure?

Yeah.

You're "sure" sure?

It's what we all dream about.

Because the rst person that gets to fly solo in the O.R. ?

Kind of a badass.

Stevens! He said "Stevens.

" Well, which is it, moron, Stevens or Karev?

This is stupid. You guys are gonna trust these imbeciles to tell you who's getting the solo surgery?

Is this hard for you, being banned from the solo surgery?

It must be really hard for you.

Ooh, a mean streak. I like it.

He may change his mind. He's been known to change his mind.

Please don't do that.

You guys go ahead and, uh, will yourselves to be voted in.

Use "the secret.

" Grey! Uh, the chiesaid "Grey.

" What? Come on. This is bogus.

You're just figuring that out?

Steve is not a lip-reader.

None of the interns are lip-readers.

You just have to wait for the attendings to vote just like we did when I won.

You won your solo surgery?

I'm just gonna pretend you didn't feel the need to ask me that question, Yang.

Of course I won. I was good.

I didn't cut l-vad wires ... or put my hand in bomb-y body cavities or have my interns operating on themselves.

I was special.

I was young, gifted and black, and everybody knew it.

The attendings knew it. The chief knew it.

I didn't have to act like I could read lips.

Just go about my work calmly, and waited for my name to get called.

okay. It's done.

Oh, whatever, helen keller.

No, I'm serious.

The chief sent me.

They made their choice.

Who is it?

It's you.

Grey's Anatomy.

Season 5 Episode 10

I am happy to announce that the first solo surgery will take place tonight ... a below-the-knee amputation, bone cancer.

Poor b*st*rd.

Mr. Collinsworth in 2212.

No appy?

Saw action. Sweet.

Choosing who gets the first solo surgery isn't just about who has the best surgical skills or who's logged the most hours in the O.R.

It's about the highest form of trust ... the trust to put a patient's life into one of our resident's hands.

And for the first time that I can recall, every single attending picked the same person.

Dr. Yang.

However, Dr. Yang is out of the running.

She is going to pick the winner instead.

Dr. Yang will post her decision on the O.R. Board at 4:00 P. M.

Also, since your interns are still banned from the O.R., The winner will be allowed to pick a fellow resident to scrub in with them.

Good luck.

This is torture for me.

I'm not even done.

Sir?

Dr. Dixon's back.

You'll be spending the day with her. You will impress her.

And you will make sure this hospital impresses her.

By the end of the day, I want that woman to be my next head of cardio.

If she's not, I'll know who to blame.



We held a retractor for 12 hours together.

You said I had small hands, good for surgery. Remember?

No. Go away.

I operated on a heart in an elevator.

Look, that was over a year ago.

O'Malley's 007. Think how poor your decision would look if you gave it to him.

Your turn.

I don't know why you guys are even bothering.

We all know who she's gonna pick.

She's not gonna pick me because I'm her best friend.

She's gonna pick me because I'm the best.

Okay, stop.

Are you guys kidding me?

Fine. I'll think about it.

Just ... goand do surgical things.

Iz, are you coming? We gotta go to the clinic.

Flu Season fun.

yeah.

I ... will catch up with you.

Me, too.

Shut up.

Not you.

My head ... shut up.

When I win, you can scrub in for me.

A-Alex, she's not ... not gonna pick you.

I'll scrub in for you, too, if you win, which you won't, 'cause I will.

Enough.

I-I gotta go.

Cristina still hasn't talked to me, which is normal, except it's worse.

Two weeks suspension, and she hasn't even bothered to say one mean thing.

Karev called me a moron, which is good.

Well, none of the residents even look at me.

The least they could do is hate us.

Well, I'm gonna get some s*x.

s*x always makes me feel better.

Don't look at me.

Me either.

That makes three of us.

Hi.

I get it.

I'm the one who organized a crazy cabal of secret cutter interns.

The thing is, I've been advised to seek out s*x as a way out of my sad predicament, but I think I would rather just learn today, so ... what do you say?

You, me ... why are you talking about s*x to me?

It's inappropriate. I'm your teacher.

I have things to teach ... double board certified things.

No, that was always ... that's what I was talking about, for ... for you to teach me medicine.

The ... the s*x was that ... that was a joke.

Dr. Sloan.

um, I heard that you're performing a hypopharynx reconstruction today.

I'm gonna make a woman speak again.

Well, let's hope.

I read up on the surgery and ... you read up on my surgery?

Since it's your first time performing what I

understand to be a very cutting-edge surgery, I was hoping you might need an extra set of hands.

Fine. You can join Dr. Grey and me.

Dr. Grey who's been banned from the O.R. ?

She's on cappuccino duty, which, Dr.

Grey, I'm still waiting for.

Right away. Thank you.

Dr. Virginia dixon. It says she arrived over half an hour ago.

Where is she?

Nervous?

What? What are you doing here?

This is the cardio wing.

Only cardio gods allowed.

I know. I was just looking around, getting to know other parts of the hospital.

What else is there?

The O.R., The E. R. And the place with the food.

somebody's got a lot to learn.

kathleen patterson.

A laryngectomy five years ago resulted in the loss of her ability to speak.

Kathleen's undergone several surgical attempts to restore her voice in the pt five years, none have been successful.

oh, oh, this time, though, this time, uh, we have a good feeling about this.

Righ honey?

As discussed, I'll get the blood supply from your arm and the cartilage ... from your ... uh, kathleen?

Honey?

honey.

You can talk to me.

I'll get the skin and the blood supply from her arm and the cartilage from her nose to construct a makeshift speaking tube, which will bome her new voice box.

Now you shoulde aware there's a chance the procedure might not work.

He's clear on that.

I'm just reminding him not to get his hopes up.

Any other questions I can answer?

kathleen? Honey?

Tell me everything there is to know about Karev.

Why?

I'm his intern.

He seems cool enough at your house, though whatever he's got going with the girl who masturbates all the time ... I don't like to judge ... but still, officially, I'm his intern.

So what's his deal?

Sadie, I can't be your friend in here. I

mean, I'm a resident, and you're an intern.

You're gonna have to figure out how not to piss off Alex Karev yourself.

Okay. I get it.

Good.

It wasn't my fault.

I had to tell john and tho guys where to meet us.

I said I would do it, that way you could drive.

I'm telling mom and dad.

I'll kill you.

Girls, you need to calm down.

Tell her!

Shut up!

what happened?

Sists, 16 and 15, crashed their dad's car, and that's all we know since they won't stop screaming at each other.

We need your names, now.

Don't tell her. Don't you say a word.

Her name is holly anderson. She was driving and texting while driving.

Is there a police officer here?

I would like to press charges.

Oh, you suck-up! You suck-up ass face!

We need your number so we can call your parents.

Here. I speed-dialed my dad.

You're such a bitch.

No, you are.

No wonder all the boys in school hate you.

make it stop.

shut up!

You are deadwhen mom and dad show up.

The doctors are just gonna have to save you again.

I hate you.

I hate you more.

I hate you both.

I know you still see me as 007, but that was day one.

I've grown a lot since then and learned a lot.

You know, anyone can ... can have brains or anyone can have talent, but the key is to grow.

So sure, I had a rough start and I

had to redo some of my intern year, but, you know, I came out the other side, smarter, better.

The important point is I never gave up, because I'm a fighter.

thank you.

Okay, emma, I'm gonna have to check your x-rays, but I think your leg's broken.

You're gonna be off it for a while.

No. No!

I can't miss my future leaders of america conference.

Holly!

Emma, I'm gonna be grounded till graduation.

I was going to D.C.

I've been waiting for this for a year.

Mom and dad spent 2 grand.

No, they've now wasted 2 grand.

God, you stupid baby!

Hey, all right. You know, I'm separating you two.

listen, I've been here, lots.

Your dad won be as pissed as you think.

He'll just be happy that you're safe.

He'll kill me. He'll take away everything.

How long have her eyes been like that?

Her eyes? What ... page Shepherd.

Tell him she might have a basilar skull fracture. Let's get her up to C.T., Now.

I didn't see. I'm sorry.

You can do scut.

I'll call you when she needs another pep talk.

Where is she going?

Just to run a few tests.

Good!

Get her out of here! Take her away!

I hope you die!

oh, crap.

Somebody's in big trouble.

Did you forget to open it or did you forget to staff it?

Both.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everybody.

I will be right back with the keys.

Might want to get some nurses while you're at it.

So does this happen a lot?

'Cause if it does, you're kinda giving my clinic a bad name.

You're mocking me now?

Sweet. Very sweet.

Dr. Dixon, there you are. I'm Dr. Yang.

Great.

Well, I've been assigned to work with you today.

I was in the cardio lab looking for you. I'm so sorry it took me so long.

There's a blank spot on this board.

There's a surgery but no surgeon.

I would like to do a surgery, but it's an amputation.

I haven't done an amputation since my residency.

well, um ... that's ... it's really hard to ... um, that ... is your stuttering pathological and persistent or is it occasional and stress related?

I don't ... stutter.

I had persistent pathological stuttering as a child, but it can be treated with rigorous speech therapy.

Yes, ma'am. Thank you.

Why is this slot on the board blank?

I need to select one of my fellow residents for that slot.

It's the first solo surgery of my class.

The chief asked you to choose from your peers?

Yes, ma'am.

Mr. Patterson.

I have some forms for your wife to fill out. Is now a good time?

She's a blogger ... about cancer and voicelessness.

She's famous in certain internet circles.

Well, it seems like you two have a-a pretty great system going here.

I ... you've learned to comnicate.

Oh, you mean the post-its?

You think that's a pretty great system?

I ... it's ... convenient.

"Yes, no, hello, I love you" ... you read the words long enough, they begin to lose their meaning.

Mid-shaft transverse tibia fracture?

Hi. Sorry to barge in.

I was, uh, I was just walking by, and I

saw broken bones, and I love broken bones.

Less than 5 degrees of angulation, right?

Yeah. It, uh ... uh, we can treat it with ... closed reduction and casting.

Flexion-extension views of the cervical spine?

Yes.

uh, I-I sh ... I should go see my patient.

that's a chair.

looks like a hemopericardium.

Let cardio know.

Hey, I've got a future leader outside. She needs a C.T.

oh, I'm not mad at you for not ting for me.

It would've looked like you were playing favorites.

Good. You deserve it. Cristina knows that, even you two are fighting.

you and Yang are fighting?

We're not fighting.

Fought ... past tense.

How bad is it? Real bad?

she's crashing.



there's brain matter in the blood. Let an O.R. Know we're coming and page cardio.

what happened to her?

Holly?

Holly?

holly?

What did you do to my sister? Holly!

Holly! What did you do to her?

So ... you know I deserve this.

You know I'm the most qualified.

But I don't want it to be a big, awkward thing. I don't.

So just, you know, you do what you have to do.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll see you later.

we're almost done here, emma.

Holly, will be all right, right?

She's gonna be okay?

Well, she got into surgery very quick, so that's good.

Are my parents here yet?

They're ... they're coming.

Your dad's ... but holly is gonna be all right, right?

Uh, she's not in ... in, like ... she won't die?

Emma, you didn't mean it.

I said,"I hope you die.

" That can't be the last thing she heard me say. It can't.

Just don't let h die please.

All right, I'll go to the O.R.

And get an update for you.

Okay.

Okay.

be objective,. Yang.

Consider accomplishments, achievements, look for the standouts.

Right now, let's see what kind of standout Dr. Karev proves himself to be when I ask him to sew the graft.

Really?

Absolutely.

Dr. Yang, watch Karev to see if his skills are up to par for the solo.

A system. Devise a system.

Rank everyone accordingly. That's all.

Thank you.

out of the way. What just happened?

Her brain is changing color.

get outta the way. Get outta the way. She's hemorrhaging.

Push 100 of mannitol.

What did I do?

What did I do?

Oy, okay. So the new intern, Meredith's friend ... the psycho with no appendix?

Yeah.

We talked.

I mean, she came and talked to me, but it was, like ... it was more than that, you know?

A guy looks at you a certain way, you know, his eyes wander when he talks to you, and bang, you just know.

But this whole girl thing, it's so confusing.

Well, was there touching?

No.

Was there playing with the hair?

No.

Was there licking of the lips?

Oh, my god.

I made it up.

I made it up because I'm lonely and depressed and desperate for attention from the hot new intern.

Crazy new intern.

Crazy, hot ... no!

The hot ones are the ones that cause trouble the ones that distract you from realizing your true potential.

You need to focus on the medicine.

Take all that pent up sexual energy you'd waste thinking about hot, young, naked available interns, and put it back into your genius ... right.

Your godliness.

Build someone an organ.

That's hot.

She smiled. Did I mention she smiled?

No hot interns!

and then we'll insert the newly constructed tube in between her trachea and esophagus just ... like ... that.

So this valve right here flips open when she has air in the trachea ... you're in my space. Back up.

Just back the hell up.

Dr. Bailey, will you please find Dr. Grey something to do other than interfere?

Uh, Dr. Grey, finish prepping

Mrs. Patterson for surgery.

She was in my space.

George, can you cover for me for a little while?

Where are you going? We're swamped.

Uh, there's something that I

need to do. It pressing, okay?

It's the hot s*x. She doesn't want to miss out on the hot, hot s*x.

Izzie ... it's the clinic, George.

You can handle the clinic.

You're lucky she even showed up.

She hasn't been here all week.

Dr. Shepherd ... it wasn't you.

She had a carotid dissection.

Nothing you could've done.

So we can't just ... she had a massive C. V. A.

The blood supply to her brain was cut off and cannot be restored.

So even though Dr. Shepherd was able to fix the hole in her brain that allowed the brain tissue to leak through her nose, the subsequent carotid dissection has caused loss of her cerebral function.

You do understand that?

She's brain dead. I get it.

she's only 16.

that's good news.

She'll be an excellent candidate for organ donation.

Excellent candidate.

Excellent organs. Young.

dude ... you were robbed.

You got screwed by politics.

The ief, he needed a scapegoat. It's so unfair.

I'm sorry.

I-I can't do this. I-I-I can kiss ass when I have to, but not yours.

below-the-knee amputation ... make a transverse incision at the mid-shaft of the tibia, elevate the peosteum and cut the tibia and fibula th a bone saw, ligate the vascular bundles and release the tourniquet.

I've done four of 'em ... one on a cadaver, three on stan.

you know who you're gonna pick?

Well, I'm ranking them according to a system.

You know, surgical skills, hours in the O.R.

Published papers, academic accomplishments ... you know them. You know their capabilities. Go with your gut.

My gut?

I'm not putting a patient's life in the hands of a novice surgeon based on my gut.

ll, it worked for me.

your gut?

It's what told me to choose you.

Beautiful.

what?

Your necklace.

right.

I have to go.

See ya.

I hope you didn't page me to help you pass out cough drops, 'cause it ain't gonna happen.

Where's Izzie?

How should I know? I

thought she was here.

She's avoiding me. She won't answer my pages.

So what do you want me to do about it?

Well, you guys are together now, right?

So why don't you talk to her and find out why she couldn't care less about her own clinic?

You're just pissed she's not here 'cause you can't handle a few cases of the flu.

Something's wrong, Alex.

You need to talk to her. She won't talk to me.

Don't ever talk to me about Izzie again.

it's just George.

Your friends, though, you know, they're out there fight for a chance to chop off that guy's leg.

Wh-what is that anyw?

It's how we learn, by doing.

And I lost my shot at the solo surgery as soon as the chief made it Cristina's decision.

anyway, thlwe'll aays be surgeries.

There won't always be fianc who come back from the dead.

Good point.

aren't you going to deepithelialize here to connect it to the trachea?

You're a very eager student, Dr.

Bailey, very thorough.

Any way I can be of service.

I'm not sorry.

What?

For what we did.

It was extreme, maybe even stupid, but this program?

I mean, you should be down in that

O.R. Not up here in t nosebleeds, and I shouldn't be spending my entire day transcribing all of Karev's charts because his handwriting's illegible.

I mean, how is that teaching?

So they can call me crazy sadie and god knows what oth names, but that doesn't change the fact that this program is broken.

I mean, the only time they ever bother with us is if they think they can get us in bed.

That's not true.

Dr. Sloan took the time to teach me today, and that was not about s*x.

he likes you.

Who? Dr. Sloan?

Oh, don't tell me you haven't noticed his eyes on your ass.

You are delusional.

Is he cutting into her throat?

Bloody hell.

so I suppose you'll use a strip test to confirm flow across the anastomosis?

That can damage the endothelium.

Oh, but don't you need to confirm ... Dr. Bailey, would you rather do

Mrs. Patterson's surgery yourself?

I can leave. - Dr.

Sloan, I w ... I wasn't ... questioning your surgical skills. I

was just trying to learn ... something exciting, something new.

I mean, these residents are running around fighting tooth and nail for a chance to get to cut off a leg.

And ... look what you've done here.

You've ... you've made something where there was nothing, and it's thrilling.

I-I was just trying to learn.

Thank you, Dr. Bailey.

Now would you take the flap veins and join them to the internal jugular, please?

Excuse me.

She looks like she's sleeping.

Can I touch her?

Yes, of course.

Can she hear me?

She can come out of it, right ... the coma? People can do that?

no, she can't.

I'm very sorry for your loss, but tests confirm that although your sister's bodily functions are fine, her brain is dead. She has no thoughts, no emotions, no senses.

I'm Dr. Dixon.

I will be harvting your sister's organs if your parents agree.

Please, she's our baby. We need more time.

I'm very sorry for your loss, but her organs are young and vital.

They could save many lives.

Wake up, holly.

Wake up. Come on. Wakep. Wake up. Wake up.

I'm very sorry for your loss, but your sister can't wake up.

Her basic functionare gone.

Her brain is dead. Her body is alive, but unfortunately ... unfortunately, she is dead.

Get out!

You cannot have her, and you cannot take her.

Dr. Dixon, uh, I think ... I think they underand.

I think you should go now, please.

I have offended you, but we are running out of time.

get out!

Holly! Wake up!

Wake up, holly! Holly, wake up!

Holly, wake up, please!

have you ever had mind-blowing s*x ... the kind of s*x that makes you want to die, just fall on the floor and give up and die?

'Cause this s*x I'm having, it's that good.

It's the best s*x I've ever had.

In fact, it's the best s*x anybody's ever had.

I don't know why anybody who's had this kind of s*x would do anything but have s*x.

Izzie ... you're gonna give the solo surgery to mer, which is typical and boring and slightly corrupt, but at least I'm having, really, really ... really good s*x.

Yeah, I just thought now

I know you're nervous, and it may feel a little strange at first, but just give it a shot.

You haven't forgotten.

Come on. Youan do it.

No! No! No more!

No more typing!

No more post-its! No!

Ta to me.

Talk to me, damn it!

Talk to me!

Okay, maybe we should give her a lite time.

Um, sir, maybe you should go, too.

Just go for a-a walk or a drive. Just give her some space.

I've given her five years of space.

It was my fault.

Excuse me?

What happened, the, um, the appy, it was ... it was my fault.

I knew what I was doing, so if you want to punish someone, punish me, not Dr. Yang.

You know who your father is, and you know he's why you're still here.

So if I were you, I'd stop worrying about whose fault the appy was and start firing out what I was gonna do to make up for it.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

there are people dying. Right now, there are ople dying.

It's inappropriate.

I'm sorry. It's almost 4:00, and I have to ... I have to make this decision.

No, no, I'm not talking about your system.

I approve of your system. I was talking about the brain dead girl.

She can't hear her sister. She can't feel her hands.

There are patients dying right now, and those organs would keep them alive.

Leave feelings out of it ... leave them out of the science, leave them out of the decision making ... because people are dying as we speak.

Is she kidding?

Congratulations.

Whatever.

Interesting choice, Yang.

He made the best case.

Iz. I won.

What time is it?

Yang ... she picked me for the solo surgery.

She did?

That's amazing.

I love you.

What?

I love you.

I friggin' love you.

I just got the solo surgery, and the first thing

I didwas look for you, and you weren't there.

You're never there anymore.

And I've been thinking about it, and I-I

think it might be 'cause you love me, too, and 'cause you're scared of that ... and 'cause I-I screwed it up last time and 'cause denny died and-

Alex just listen.

You had that heart patient, and it reminded you of denny and how bad yofelt when you were lying on that bathroom floor.

I get that.

I get thatou're scared.

But you're not gonna have to feel like that again, 'cause I'm not gonna die, Iz.

And I'm not gonna cheat on you and I ... I'm not gonna go anywhere ... 'cause ... I think you're my best shot at ... I think with you, you make me better.

You make me want to be better.

You make me want to be good.

And I think I can. With you, I think I can.

So I'm not going anywhere, and you can stop hiding.

And if you want to be scared, that's okay.

Just be scared with me.

Be scared while you scrub in with me for my first solo surgery.

Okay?

You love me.

Shut up.

I'm really starting to not like that guy.

I never should've said it.

I didn't mean it.

I never should've said it.

Tell her that.

Tell her the last thing you'd want her to hear.

Because you have to believe that if it were you in this bed and holly was sitting with you feeling this bad, you would forgive her.

Tell her.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I love you.

she loved you, too.

No matter what you said, no matter what happened between the two of you, she loved you. She loves you.

She loves you.

so you were ... right.

Cristina and I are fighting.

You should go, talk to her.

She's your best friend.

It's important.

Derek?

They don't tell you when you become a doctor it's gonna be like this.

They don't tell you that you're gonna ... lose more patients than you save.

16.

I'm sick of the death.

I'm sorry.

I'll see you at home.

Okay.

It's okay.

Nobody else is here. 's just me, and I'm just an intern.

I'm nobody.

So you can try. And ... and if it doesn't work, it's okay.

Just ... just try.

Dr. Dixon.

How has your day been?

You feel like you may have a home here at Seattle grace?

Dr. Yang ... you tortured her today.

Making her choose among her peers, some kind of emotional torture, was that your intention?

Uh, yes.

Have your board make me a better offer.

We're fighting, and I don't want to be.

Let's just put this past us.

What happened with the chief and e interns, it doesn't matter.

I know that's why you didn't choose me, and I know that's why you made it personal, so let's just move on.

You made it personal.

This, right here, is you making it personal.

You told me to do what i had to do, so I chose Alex.

He was the most prepared.

That's why I didn't choose you ... not because we're fighting, but because ... unlike you, I can separate my personal life from my job.

You made it personal.

none of you said anything.

Those were alour interns.

But I won this.

They picked me.

If I don't deserve this solo surgery, then none of us do.

I don't know if I'm more jealous of Alex or worried about Izzie.

I think there's something wrong with her, mer.

There's something wrong with all of us, George.

that's Alex.

Not here.

Here.

You paged?

Yeah. I need you to scrub in with me.

Where's Izzie?

I'm freakin' out.

I'm freakin' out.

I told her I love her.

I told her I love her before a solo surgery.

I can't believe that. Who does that?

And now she's not gonna show up, and I'm freakin' out.

Stop. Stop freaking out.

If you screw this up and kill this guy, I'm gonna be pissed.

Then I'll know I should've won it.

you have to kick ass in there, Alex.

You have no choice.

Big night, Karev. You ready?

You ready?

He's ready.

Where are we going?

Don't worry. You'll like it.

Come on.

wait. Just wait.

Wait.





it's the vent.

It clears your head. It feels better, right?

yes. Yeah.

It's out of time, out of space.

Anything can happen in the vent.

Anything.

Likehat?

Just wait.

you made her speak.

Mrs. Patterson ... she said "hi." She spoke.

You ... you made her speak.

I respect you.

As a man ... a-as a surgeon, as a teacher, I respect you.

So ... teach me.

What are you doing? Don't do that.

Stop.

Teach me.

Stop.

Teach me.

We can't do this.

You're little Grey, and ... and ... and

I promised, and I'm your teacher.

So ... teach me.

Ah, lexie ... teach me.

Teach me.

Come on. Am I really so bad no. I am.

We enter the world alone and we leave it alone.

And everything that happens in between?

We owe it to ourselves to find a little company.

$50 says he calls on the chief in the first 10 minutes.

$100 he chokes before they turn on the saw.

Hey, that's one of us down there.

Show some respect.

We need help, we need support.

Otherwise we're in it by ourselves ... strangers ... cut off from each other.

And we forget ... just how connected we all are.

So instead, we choose love ... we choose life ... and for a moment ... we feel just a little bit less alone.

10-blade.

9999

00:00:0, 500 ... > 00:00:2, 00