How Thor Should Have Ended

(We begin with Thor saying goodbye to Jane)

Thor: I must go back to Asgard but I give you my word. I will return for you. (kisses her hand) Deal?

(Jane full-on kisses Thor for 7 seconds)

Jane: Deal.

Thor: (surprised) Whoa. (heads over to his friends)

Volstaag: Thor, we must go.

Thor: Yeah, yeah... I know. I just, uh...

(Jane stands by herself)

Thor: I think I may not want to leave now.

Warriors Three & Sif: WHAT?!

Thor: Well, I've got my hammer back, I've got a hot girlfriend. Things are really looking fairly well for me.

Fandral: But... What about-?

(Cue Jane doing a sexy Natalie Portman pose)

Thor: (turned on) Oh yeah, I'm gonna stay. Good luck to you, Old Friends!

(Thor drops his hammer and goes over to Jane. Cut to later in The Super Cafe)

Superman: So you just abandoned everything?

Thor: Of course. Wouldn't you?

Superman: No.

Batman: Yes.

Superman: Dude!

Batman: What can I say? Chicks are my Kryptonite.

Superman: Yeah, I'd probably leave it all behind too.

Batman: Yep.

Superman: But still, what about your brother? I mean, won't he destroy that Ice Realm?

Thor: Meh, if he does, I'm sure my father will take care of it when he wakes.

(Cut to Asgard)

Odin: Blaaaahaaaaaah, Odin Sleep.

Loki: I've done it, father! I've destroyed all of Jötunheim while you were sleeping!

Odin: And that is why YOU are also banished!

Loki: What?!

Odin: I take from you your power, (takes Loki's helmet and staff) and I cast you out!

Loki: (while being zapped to another realm) Son of a-.

Odin: ICE GIANT!!!!!!!!

(Cut back to the cafe)

Superman & Batman: O_O

Batman: Your dad is, sort of, extreme.

Thor: Well, I suppose he's a little strict but everything he does, he does for a reason.

Superman: Like stealing a baby?

Batman: And then raising that baby as your brother?

Superman: And making him believe he could be king?

Batman: So that he goes crazy with jealousy and becomes your life-long enemy?

Superman: Yeah. Way to go, Dad.

Thor: Yes, well, that may be true. (looks at Batman and smirks) But at least I HAVE a father.

Superman: OHOHOHOH, BURN!

The end.

Batman: So, are we just gonna do this every time a superhero comes along.

Superman: Probably. Feels like we always do.

Hulk: (appears outside) Not always! Hulk saaaaaaaaaad! (runs off crying)

Superman: Ah, he'll be fine. He just gets really moody.

(Cut to Thor in the desert)

Thor: I've been carrying this hammer all day and my arms are so Thor. (laughs)

(Rimshot)