Midnight Madness

''[Caitlin and Jen are together at the Big Squeeze. Caitlin calls someone.]'' Caitlin: "Hi Brandon! It's Caitlin!" Brandon: "Who?" Caitlin: "From the Big Squeeze?" Brandon: "Where?" Caitlin: "I spilled juice on your jeans last week?" Brandon: "Oh, yeah." Caitlin: "Yeah, hi. So I was just calling you to, uh, wish you a happy new year in case I don't see you tomorrow night. I don't have any plans, by the way." Brandon: "Yeah." Caitlin: "Right. Well, I should probably–" Brandon: "Later. Bye." [He hangs up.] Caitlin: "...go." [Caitlin closes her phone and bursts into tears.] "Oh, Jen! It's hopeless! Tomorrow is the most important social night of the year and I'm totally single!" Jen: "We could all ring in the new year together, since none of us got invited to anything." Caitlin: "Not even Jonesy?" Jen: "Uh-uh." Caitlin: "That could be fun." Jen: "And we'll get to see Nikki and hear all about her trip." Jonesy: [walking up with Jude and Wyatt] "This sucks. Tomorrow night is the most important guy night of the year, and I'm dateless." Wyatt: "Oh, no. Even Darth has a date." [Darth walks by, holding hands with Julie and laughing.] Jonesy: "Oh, man!" Jude: "What's the biggie, dude? It's just one night." Jonesy: "It sets the tone for the whole year!" Jude: "Starr's got family stuff, so we penciled in some lip action on January 2." Caitlin: "Every girl wants to get kissed at midnight." Jonesy: "I rest my case." Wyatt: "Yeah, well, we've got nowhere to go, remember?" Jonesy: "I say we crank this New Year's Eve thing up a notch! We're gonna throw our own party." Jen: "And where will this extravaganza take place?" Jonesy: "Your house." Jen: "What?" Jonesy: "It just so happens that Jen's mama and my papa are going out New Year's Eve, which designates Jen's house as Party Central." Wyatt: "Awesome!" Jude: "Cool!" Caitlin: "Perfect!" Jen: "As if! I can see it now. Broken vases, crap everywhere to clean up, no. Way." Wyatt: "It'll just be your best friends, Jen. Not a bunch of strangers." Jonesy: "Except for a few hot chicks." Caitlin: "Can't you just ask your mom, Jen? Your place would be so perfect. Pleeeaaassee?" Jude: "Your abode is pretty party friendly." Wyatt: "C'mon, you can't leave us homeless on the biggest party night of the year." [The gang grin at Jen.] Jen: "Oh, alright, I'll ask." [Her friends cheer.] "Whoa, slow down, guys. I haven't even asked yet." Jonesy: "Oh, we're in!" [Wyatt, Jude, Jonesy, and Caitlin put their hands on top of each other.] Wyatt, Jude, Caitlin, and Jonesy: "C'mon, Jen!" [Jen smiles and puts her hand on top of the mix.] Jude: "Aw, yeah!"

''The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is Midnight Madness''

[The five are sitting around the table.] Jen: "Guess what? I got the house for New Year's Eve!" Jonesy: "I knew you could do it!" Wyatt: "All right!" Jen: "We'll have a sleepover." Jude: "Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Now that I've actually been to one, I can say that they do, in fact, rock." Jonesy: "No foot rubs, Jude." Wyatt: "And no makeovers, man." Jude: "Awww!" Wyatt: "This New Year's Eve will be awesome." Jonesy: "I bet your big sister Courtney's psyched that I'm staying over." Jen: "As if! I actually had to agree to do the dishes for two months to get her out of the house! Anyway, we have some fast party planning to do." Wyatt: "I'll score some free DVDs from work." Caitlin: "I'll put together a scrapbook of our year together!" [Serena and Charmaine walk by.] Serena: "Hey Wyatt." Wyatt: "Uh..." [His heart pounds.] "Did Serena just say hi? To me?" [calling to Serena] "Hi right back atcha! Good luck, um, party planning!" Jonesy: [unimpressed] "Smooth."

[Jen is on the phone with Courtney while at work.] Jen: "But a deal is a deal, Courtney! I've already invited people!" Courtney: "C'mon, it'll be fun!" Jen: "Fine, I'll do your laundry for a month! Happy?" Courtney: "Cool." [Jen angrily hangs up.] Coach Halder: "Masterson!" Jen: "Hey Coach." Coach Halder: "I just made my New Year's resolution. I'm doubling everybody's sales quota, starting today." Jen: "What?" Coach Halder: "That's right, a clean start for the new year." ''[The coach walks away, and Jen sighs. Her cell phone rings.]'' Jen: "Hello." Nikki: "Hey Jen, listen up." Jen: "Nikki!" Nikki: "You don't know until you've had a toddler boot your chair for two hours–" [The toddler kicks her again, and she screams at him.] "AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIGGGGAAAAABBBYYYAAAAAHHHH!!!" Jen: "Well the good news is that I'm having a New Year's sleepover!" Nikki: "Oh, thank you. If I have to spend another night with my family, I'm gonna lose it." Jen: "Hang in there, Nikki." Nikki: "I have no choice." [Her seat buckles as the child resumes kicking it.] "GAAAAIIII!"

[Wyatt is reading a book at work.] Serena: "Hi." Wyatt: [not looking up] "Hey." Serena: "Wyatt?" [Wyatt looks up and gasps as he realizes who he's talking to.] Wyatt: "Wh–oh hi, hi, hi." Serena: "I'm returning this DVD I rented to watch with Chad." Wyatt: [smile leaving his face] "I see." Serena: "We didn't even watch it, we had a fight." [Wyatt smiles.] "Things aren't going well. This could wreck my whole New Year's Eve." [She surreptitiously looks over at Wyatt.] Wyatt: [moving in] "Gee, that's too bad. If you wanna talk about it..." Serena: "Wow, thanks Wyatt. Maybe I'll call you later for coffee if I need some advice." Wyatt: [stuttering] "Y-y-yeah, s-s-sure. Sure!" ''[Serena waves as she walks out. Wyatt begins talking to himself.]'' "Any time at all. Coffee's good! I have time for coffee." [His heart beats faster, and he sighs.] Wayne: "Watch it, boyo, women are harsh. Don't get sucked in. It's a whirlpool of deceit." Wyatt: "We were only talking." Wayne: "Yeah, that's the way it starts. Then they pluck out your heart and stomp on it. Trust me. They're all sisters." Jonesy: [walking in with Jude] "We need to get some scary movies for New Year's Eve." Jude: "Wayne, dude. What would you recommend?" Wayne: "Well The Big Pill is one of the most horrific movies ever. Middle-aged boring people reliving their college days." Jonesy: "No, I mean slasher films, real gruesome gory stuff that makes chicks cuddle you for support." Wayne: "Cuddle? Now you're scaring me." Jonesy: "Every chick wants to get kissed on New Year's Eve." Carly: "Did you say something about a party?" Jonesy: "Only this year's hottest New Year's Eve party. Wanna come?" Carly: "Sounds great." Jonesy: [handing her a card with the party info] "I'm Jonesy." Carly: "Carly." Simone: "Simone." [Carly and Simone leave the store happily.] Jude: "Wow. They were hot." Wayne: "I remember those adolescent years when I had to scare and trick women into coming near me." Jonesy: "Hey, whatever works, man."

''[Caitlin is working on the scrapbook at the lemonade stand. She is on the phone with Jen.]'' Caitlin: "Making this scrapbook will be easy, Jen! There are so many great shots!" Brandon: "The ones of you are really cute." Caitlin: [looking up, startled] "Brandon!" [into the phone] "Gotta go." [She hangs up.] Brandon: "It's Caitlin, isn't it?" Caitlin: "What is?" Brandon: "Your name?" Caitlin: "Oh, right." Brandon: "You're the girl who called me earlier, right?" Caitlin: "Oh, see, that was–" Brandon: "'Cause I'm having a New Year's Eve party–" Caitlin: "Yes! I mean, sure. I'd love to come." Brandon: "Great! Here's an invite with all the info. See you tomorrow night." [He leaves.] Caitlin: "Eee-hee-hee-hee-heeee!!!"

[Jonesy and Jude are hiding in a bush outside Taj Mahome Video, wearing headsets and sunglasses.] Jonesy: "Okay, here's the plan. We get our hands on Christo's New Year's Eve party invitation list, scan for the sweetest-looking chicks, then redirect them to Jen's place." [pushing Jude out] "Now get in there and distract Christo." Jude: "Right." ''[Jude sneaks into the store. He passes by the front desk, where Blade and Christo are discussing the party.]'' Christo: "My man, this party is gonna be a ripper! Britney, Witty, and Latisha are gonna wear matching bikini tops." Jonesy: "Latisha Forbes, oh yeah! Did you locate the invite list?" Jude: "Affirmative, it's at the cash." Jonesy: "Roger that, commence distraction." Jude: "Yes sir, sergeant dude." [He makes his way to a wall of DVDs and begins to climb it.] Christo: [noticing, to Blade] "Hey man, check this out." [walking over] "Yo, jerk, what do you think you're doing?" Jude: "Ah, h-hey dudes. I'm just looking for...The Sisterhood of the Backpacking Khakis." Christo: [picking up one of the identical DVD cases] "They're all the same movie, loser." Jude: "Right." ''[Jude loses his balance and falls off the wall. Meanwhile, Jonesy creeps in and grabs the invite list.]'' Christo: [hauling Jude upright] "Alright, freak. Circus hour is over."

[Jonesy is reading the invite list on a bench a few yards from the store.] Jonesy: "Courtney Monkman? Sicily Deacan? Tricia Holmes? With e-mails and phone numbers too! Score! Thank you, party gods." Jude: "Whoa!" [Jude flies into the foliage behind Jonesy.] "What do we do now?" Jonesy: "Now we contact these honeys and tell them the bad news. Christo's party has been cancelled due to parental interference." Jude: "Cool."

[Wyatt walks into Grind Me to find Serena on the couch, crying.] Wyatt: [crossing his fingers and looking to the sky] "Please be crying because Chad's a jerk. Please be crying because Chad's a jerk." Serena: [seeing him, waving gingerly] "Wyatt. Over here." [Wyatt walks over to her.] "Oh, thanks for coming over." Wyatt: "What happened?" Serena: [tearful] "Chad scored a ticket to the Cronk concert, but he couldn't get two so–he's going alone. He's ditching me on New Year's Eve." Wyatt: "You mean you're free? I mean, oh, that sucks." Serena: "I have to go to Charmaine's party by myself. It's so humiliating." ''[Serena looks up at him, and her sadness turns into a sultry look. Wyatt smiles.]'' Wyatt: "Well, you could come to Jen's party tomorrow night." Serena: "Aw, thanks." [hugging him] "I'll think about it. It's so sweet of you to offer." [Serena gets up and walks away.] Wyatt: [to himself] "Hugging is nice. Nice to hug." [Wyatt's heart beats faster.]

''[Caitlin is writing in the scrapbook while Jude plays a handheld game. Jonesy has his cell phone and the invite list for Christo's party.]'' Jonesy: "Watch this, dude." ''[He dials a number. In a deep voice]'' "Hello, can I speak to Brandi?" Vendor Girl: "This is Brandi." Jonesy: "Yes, hello, this is Christo's father speaking. His mother and I just found out that he's been planning a–a wild party while we're away." Vendor Girl: "Oh. Uh..." Jonesy: "Well the party is cancelled, and my good-for-nothing ex-son is grounded!" Vendor Girl: [whispering to a friend] "Christo just got busted! We're stranded for New Year's Eve!" Jonesy: "But I did hear about a party at Jen Masterson's house. Everyone's heading over there." Vendor Girl: "Oh, great. You wouldn't happen to have an address, would you?" Jonesy: "As a matter of fact, I do." Caitlin: "When do you guys plan to tell Jen about all these girls you're inviting?" Jude: "I think he's waiting for the right moment." [Jen walks up, looking exhausted.] Caitlin: "Jen, you look terrible! Are you okay?" Jen: "I was up late cleaning the house. And making brownies. And painting Courtney's nails. But at least this party will rock." Caitlin: "Yeah, about that–" Jen: "Hey, good call on the scrapbook, by the way. How's it coming?" [She picks it up and flips through it.] "You've only done one page?" Caitlin: "Well, see I–" Jen: "And the rest is doodles of you and Brandon? And what's this? A checklist for your prom date with him?" Caitlin: "Okay, I can explain. Remember how Brandon didn't really know I existed? Well, now he does. And he asked me out on a date tomorrow night." Jen: "What'd you say?" Caitlin: "Yes. I said yes." Jen: "It's not that bad, Caitlin. It would've been nice if you asked, but I guess he can come." Caitlin: "Not to your house. He invited me to a huge party at his house." Jen: "You're ditching the gang for a complete stranger?" [Caitlin nods gingerly.] "You said New Year's Eve is the most important social night of the year!" Caitlin: "I'm sorry, Jen, it's just that Brandon is so cute and he's so incredibly nice and–" Jen: "Don't tell me! Let me guess. He might be 'the one'?" Caitlin: "Yeah!" Jonesy: "Jen's address? Yes, I happen to have it here, LaFonda." Jen: "WHAT!?!" Jonesy: "I'll have to call you back." [Blade and Christo come up behind him and grab the cell phone.] Christo: "Hey there, Dad." Jonesy: [chuckling nervously] "Hi guys." [Christo breaks his phone in half.] Jonesy: [getting up] "I can explain–" Christo: [pushing him back down] "We get the picture, weasel! You're scamming chicks from our party and sending them to her house!" Jonesy: "But–" Christo: [grabbing the invite list] "Just keep your distance, Bonesy. Or you might find yourself missing a limb or two." ''[Christo and Blade walk off. Jen stares at Jonesy angrily.]'' Caitlin: [whispering to Jude] "I don't think Jonesy picked the right moment to tell Jen." Jude: "Nuh-uh." [Wyatt walks up, coffee in hand.] Wyatt: "Hey." Jen: "Wyatt. You are not going to believe this. Jonesy and Jude were trying to turn my party into some–chick fest!" Jonesy: "It would have been awesome. At least Carly and Simone are still coming." Jude: "Dude." Jonesy: "Jude." Jen: "Yuck." Wyatt: "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about your party. I kinda need to keep tomorrow open in case Serena needs me for emotional support." Jen: "Serena? The girl who ripped your heart out?" Wyatt: "Yeah. She's not sure if she's up for a party, you know what I mean?" Jen: "Oh yeah. I know what you mean." Wyatt: "Thanks, Jen. I knew you'd understand." Jen: "Oh, I understand. I understand I need a whole new set of friends!" [She stomps away.] "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

[Caitlin looks at her scrapbook-turned-Brandon-book.] Caitlin: "Ah, Brandon. You're gonna be the cutest prom date ever." Brandon: [walking up] "What's that about prom dates?" Caitlin: "Brandon! Oh, nothing. Just daydreaming." Brandon: "It looks good on you." [noticing the book and looking at it] "Why do you have a book filled with hearts and Brandon and Caitlin forever?" Caitlin: [giggling nervously] "Who wrote that? Must've been one of my friends." Brandon: "Is this a drawing of us at the prom?" Caitlin: "It's not like–" Brandon: "Look–" Caitlin: [desperate] "I can't wait for tonight!" Brandon: "I'm really not into clingy stalker chicks. Let's just forget about tonight." [He leaves.] Caitlin: "Oh, that was bad."

[Jonesy and Jude sneak by Taj Mahome Video.] Jude: "Are you sure we should be near Christo and Blade? They looked scary mad." Jonesy: "Hey, it's a free mall." [They duck out of sight as Christo peers out of the window.] "Besides, this is the only way to get to Frilly and Pink, where Carly and Simone work. I need to make sure they're coming tonight."

[Jonesy and Jude enter Frilly and Pink.] Jonesy: "Oh yeah." [to the girls] "Ladies. Just doing the rounds, making sure we're all set for tonight's big partay." Carly: "No. Christo invited us to his place." Jonesy: "But we asked you first!" Carly: "We know you were trolling Christo's invite list for girls." Jonesy: "But–" [She slingshots a bra at him and walks away.] "–aah!" Jude: "You're busted, dude." Jonesy: "Thanks for the update."

[Wyatt and Serena are hanging out at Underground Video.] Serena: "Wyatt, would you mind if we just had a quiet night tonight?" [Wyatt's face leaps with joy.] Wyatt: "No problem. I know just the place: Jen's party." Serena: "Uh, I don't know if I'm up for a big party." Wyatt: "This one will be perfect. No one's going."

''[At work, Jen is angrily leaning on the counter. Wyatt rushes up.]'' Wyatt: "Guess what? Serena wants to come with me to your party!" Jen: "Too bad, it's cancelled." Wyatt: "What? Why?" Jen: "Duh! Because you all bailed on me! You guys were all 'let's ring in the new year together, Jen! It'll be great, Jen!' And the next thing I know, you're all chasing dates! I guess friends don't matter to any of you." Wyatt: [backing away] "Sheesh, have a cow why don't you." [Jen's phone rings.] Jen: "What?" Nikki: [being kicked] "You little ratbag." Jen: "Courtney?" Nikki: "It's me, Nikki." Jen: "Oh. Have you landed yet?" Nikki: "No. We got rerouted. I think we're in Tijuana." Jen: "Lucky you." Nikki: "Yeah, that steaming tarmac sure is exotic. I can't wait to hang out at your place tonight." Jen: "Don't hurry. The party's cancelled." Nikki: "What? I thought we were supposed to ring in the new year with all our friends." Jen: "News flash: we don't have any friends!" [She hangs up.] Nikki: "O-kay then." [a noose draps over her seat] "Don't even think it, junior!"

[The guys are sitting around the table while, at her job, Caitlin cries, clutching the scrapbook.] Caitlin: [sniffling] "He was taken so–suddenly." Jonesy: "Brandon isn't dead. He dumped you." Caitlin: "It's like he's dead to me." Jonesy: "It is?" Caitlin: "Oh, guys just don't get it. I need Jen." Jonesy: "I don't think we'll be seeing her anytime soon." Wyatt: "Yeah, she hates us, remember?" Jude: "New Year's Eve is starting to feel like an exam or something. I just want to fail and get it over with." [getting up] "This is too much pressure for me." [He starts to skate away.] Jonesy: "Where're you going?" Jude: "I think that this year, I'll just sit in my room, munch some grindage, and watch DVDs." Jonesy: "Cool, can I come over?" Jude: "Sure, dude." Wyatt: "Can I bring Serena?" Jude: "Yep. Caitlin, you coming?" Caitlin: "Sure. And I'm gonna get back to work on this thing." [She closes the Big Squeeze and walks out with the scrapbook.] "You know what else we have to do?" [She holds up a picture of Jen.] Jude: "Oh, I know, dude."

[Jen is at work, bored.] Coach Halder: "Clock is ticking, Masterson! That bonus is slipping away! No chokers on my team. Quota quota quota!" Jen: "Quota schmota." Coach Halder: [stunned] "What? I'm going to pretend that that was just quota pressure talking." [He backs away.] Jen: "I was just gonna spend the bonus on my friends anyway. When I had friends." ''[Her friends clear their throats. Jen looks up, grunts, and turns her back to them.]'' Jonesy: "C'mon, Jen, we're sorry!" Jude: "We have relocated the soiree to my bedroom. And you're invited." Jen: "To your bedroom? That's your New Year's Eve party?" Caitlin: "Jen, please come. It won't be New Year's Eve without you." Jen: "Okay. But I'm not forgiving you. I just don't have anywhere else to go tonight."

''[Jude opens the door to his bedroom. Jen sniffs the air.]'' Jen: "Oh, gross! You could've cleaned up!" Jude: "I figured what with the upcoming coed pillow fight, why bother?" [The doorbell rings.] "Gotta get the door. Make yourself at home." ''[Jude leaves, and Jen heads over to the bed. She heaves a sigh and sits down.]'' Jen: "This New Year's Eve sucks." [She speed-dials someone.] Nikki: "Hello?" Jen: "Hey, it's me." Nikki: "What's the matter?" Jen: "Our New Year's Eve party is in Jude's bedroom." [The toddler behind Nikki runs a car over her.] Nikki: "Eh-AAAAAHHH! Oh, I thought I had it rough." Jen: "It wouldn't be so bad if you were here." Nikki: "Look, I'll try to make it, but we've only just landed." Jen: "Okay. It's just that–" [the kid grabs Nikki's cell and throws it, ending the call] "–hello? Nikki? You there? Ugh!" ''[She hangs up. Wyatt, Serena, Jonesy, Caitlin, and Jude walk into the room.]'' Wyatt: "Hey Jen. You remember Serena." Jen: "You're the one who stomped on Wyatt's heart, aren't you." Serena: "Um. Yeah." [She sniffs the air.] "Uch. Did some animal get loose in here?" Jude: "That's just my gym socks. Sit anywhere that doesn't move, dudes." Jonesy: [handing over a DVD] "Here, I brought us some horror flicks. Some good that'll do me; there's not gonna be any action here." Caitlin: "I brought Mega-Fat Chips. Might as well eat to dull the pain of losing Brandon." Jonesy: "Good call." ''[Jude inserts the DVD into his player. Serena and Wyatt are conversing by the window.]'' Serena: "I just don't understand why Chad was so thoughtless." Wyatt: "You deserve someone who loves and respects you, Serena." [Everyone else in the room falls silent to watch this New Year's drama.] Serena: "Oh, you're such a sweet guy, Wyatt. I'm glad you're still in my life." Wyatt: "I feel the same way." ''[They lean in to kiss. Suddenly, Serena's cell rings.]'' Serena: [picking up] "Chad! Where are you, baby?" [learning] "Really? I've been thinking about you too, love!" [taken aback] "W-where am I? Oh, nowhere special." Jonesy, Caitlin, Jude, and Jen: "Ooh!" [Serena finishes her call, hangs up, and turns back to Wyatt.] Serena: "That was Chad." Wyatt: "Yeah, I figured." Serena: "He skipped his concert so he could be with me! Oh, I've gotta go. Chad and I want to be together at the stroke of midnight." Wyatt: "Yeah, but–uh–" [Wyatt's heart slows down and takes a sword through its center.] Wyatt: "I am such a moron." Jen: "No, you're not." Caitlin: "You just have a big heart." Jude: "Yeah. And we've got some grindage that needs munching." Caitlin: "And we can look at the scrapbook I put together." Jonesy: "Get over here." Caitlin: "C'mon over here, Wyatt!" Jude: "Get over here, dude!" Caitlin: "We love you!" Jen: "C'mon, Wyatt." ''[Wyatt giggles as Jen pulls him towards his friends. They look through the scrapbook and laugh at themselves.]'' Nikki: [walking in] "Hey, guys." Jen: "Nikki! Have we got a lot of catching up to do." Wyatt: "Thanks, guys. I feel a lot better." Caitlin: "I am so over Brandon." Jude: "Hey dudes, it's nearly midnight!" Jen: [pulling Nikki inside] "C'mon!" Nikki: "Oof!" Jude: "Six!" Wyatt, Jen, Jude, Caitlin, Jonesy, and Nikki: "Five! Four! Three! Two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

[The gang are gathered around their usual table.] Caitlin: "Funny, I haven't seen Brandon. He must have resolved to give up lemonade for the new year." Wyatt: "My resolution? Not to be a doormat anymore. Not my department." Jude: "Good one, dude." Nikki: "I resolve not to be home when my parents get the phone bill from our flight." Jen: "I resolve to let you hide in my house." Jude: "I resolve to find the remote in my room by next New Year's." Jonesy: "I resolve not to get fired this year." Jude: [chuckling] "Dude." [Everyone but Jonesy laughs.]