F*&% the Prom

[Ken] Dude, first day of high school. Oh, you are so lucky. What I'd give to go back and do it all again, exactly the same way. Star quarterback, - prom king... - Prom king. [both] Class vice-president. All the glory, none of the responsibility. I know, Dad. I've heard it a thousand times. Remember what I told you. Be popular. It's the best. Check. Whatever. Don't forget that. [sighs] See you tonight. [upbeat music playing] Ready? As I'll ever be. [Ken] Cole. Stop trying to peek at Maddy's nipples. Oh, my God! Dad! [sighs] Sorry about that. He doesn't know he's an adult. [chuckles] You wanna race? Nah. Not today. Afraid you'll lose? Ha! Yeah, you're right. 'Cause I mean, boys are just so much faster and stronger. And total suckers. Thanks for the headstart. Oh, shit. Incoming freshman Maddy Dadner is on point to finally beat her arch rival Cole Reed. And the crowd goes wild. I don't want people to think I'm a loser. Worse case you always have me. At school and next door. - True. - Oh, hey. Hold on. [Maddy] Whoa! Thanks. But, uh, do you really think high school's gonna be all that different from middle school? Probably not. It's all the same kids we've known since kindergarten. How much could people really change in three months? Go on, I'll meet you at class. Oh, okay. What's up, bro! [students laughing] [girl] Look at those tighty whiteys. Nice to meet you, tiny. Guess who got a new nickname. [school bell ringing] [boy] What's up, Tighty? Ooh, Tighty. Fantastic, baby. Keeping it clean, Tighty? [girl] Hey, Tighty. You think you're fooling people with those headphones, but I know you've been listening and keeping track of how many times you've been called Tighty, because you're totally lame and obsessed with your shitty nickname. Good morning, City. The only thing "good" about this morning is that it's one day closer to graduation. Oh, no. You are an inspiration. The M&Ms are goddesses. The M&Ms are called that because their first names are Maddy and Marissa, which starts with an "M". Sup, Stuffs? Come on, Maddy. G2G. It's Stufts, with a "T". Not "stuffs". Why do you even try anymore. You know they don't listen to you. It's the principle of the thing. [inspiring music] Principal Statszill here. Welcoming all you sexy young things back from spring break. Prom is just around the corner. Don't wait to find a date. The last thing you want is to squander the greatest night of your young life on some third tier loser from AP Cal. So consider this your official "save the date" for May 17th, the night of the big "P". Prom, that is. Good day. [inspiring music] Alrighty, then. Group study time. Pair up, pair, up, pair up. Tig. [coughs] [students] Tig. Tig. [students fake coughing] Eat a bowl of dicks! Could you please focus on something other than making your peers hate themselves? Now go ahead and take out your phones and use them in ways your parents and I will never understand. Well, what do we have... Come on! You can't hide your drawings from me forever. Only until they're finished. When's that? 2047? May 17th. The art school I've applied to is hosting a gallery night, and that's where I'll show my drawings. That is the best news ever. Thank you for officially giving me a reason to miss prom. Hey, guess what I'm doing on May 17th. Um, nobody cares. I'm going to Cole's art show and everyone else can suck it. Freak. Oh. What do we have here? Cole on Instagram. And where is he at? Oh, of course. Maddy Dadner's feed. It's just for inspiration. From Maddy's feed? Why can't you pick one of the other 16 billion girls on Instagram? Come on. Everyone is on her feed. Did you guys see Maddy's eyebrows from last weekend? Oh! On fleek. There's a very specific reason why she has the most followers in the entire school. Because no one's monitoring pervy old dudes who don't want to pay for porn. Sad but true. But it is also because of her hair. Every day since freshman year, Maddy's had a different hairstyle and posted a photo of every single one. Stalker. Even you can't resist the M&M's. The M&M's are an inspiration. The M&M's are goddesses. - The M&M's are... - Not even here right now. What is wrong with all of you? [scoffs] Like you're innocent. I know you still talk to Maddy sometimes. Yeah. And I self loathe for it. I look at myself in the mirror and say, "Stupid bitch, she stole your boyfriend." I am running up lines for a play. Oh. Oh, yeah. I know that play, okay? I live that play. [school bell ringing] [Principal Statszill over pa] Charles Adams may not have been accepted by his presidential father, John, but you can find acceptance by fitting in. Tighty and Stuffs. That's a match made in heaven. It's "Stufts" with a "T". Idiot. [clapping] Hi, Maddy. Oh, my God. Your hair looks great today, Maddy. I can't believe we used to be friends with them. Wish I'd never met a single one of them. In a way I used to be them, so there is a one. Easy with the riddles, Master Baggins. Actually, if you were still a "them", we wouldn't be friends. Can we please not bring up the incident that brought us together, Tighty? We've rehashed that one enough to make a breakfast. And a second breakfast. - Or elevenses. - You need to stop that. What do you think about this one? I feel like it captures the essence of high school. Sports, winning, Kane and I. IDK. Well, what about... this one? Shouldn't we use photos of, like, the whole squad, not just you and Kane? Well, sure. But we discussed having an aspirational power couple pic of Kane and I. I just have to find the best one. Why don't we just do a collage of your hair pics and call it a day? Marissa, are you riled? No. But if you could stop being a selfish pigeon for one sec, that would be great. Did you just call me a pidge? So what if I did? How dare you? Come on. You know I would never betray you like that. Go with the football pic. It's more iconic. Like a Taylor Swift song. Oh, you're so right. Now onto the group shots. I'm going to the ladies' room. Be right back Wow. What? Marissa, I'm so impressed. No abbreviation. Laughing out loud. [cell phone buzzing] [gasps] She needs to take this. Hey, M, you forgot your... You pidge! Maddy, it's not what it looks like. So it's not my boyfriend and best friend making out, but rather some optical illusion of that? Well, if you believe that, then, yes. Oh, my God. You? I can't even... This... Yeah, Maddy. You're right. Oh, fuck it. It's not what it looks like. Mm. Believe it. [sobbing softly] Maddy, what's wrong? Nothing. Everything. Kane didn't do something without consent, did he? - What? - No. I mean, yeah, he did. [gasps] Oh, not my baby! - Oh, gosh! - Not my baby! - Call the police. - It's not like that. [sighs] Thank God. Confrontation remains a challenge for me. That and dairy. I hate high school. I just want it to be over. Whoa. Really? But... Honey, honey. Listen. I wanna tell you something. Your father and I, we can relate. Our high school years, they were pretty much the equivalent of being locked in an emotional prison of constant ridicule and torture. Your father got the living crap kicked out of him on a daily basis. And I was called a greasy headed troll. Everything happens for a good reason. Even though it may feel horribly humiliating and punishing and cruel. At... At the time. - I don't like it. - [text message chimes] I never thought that perfect popular kids in school had anything to get this upset about. [sighs] Well... Maybe she's not that popular. Oh, no, honey. Your father didn't mean it. Honey... I... We're bad parents. Ditto to that. [alternative rock music playing] What's up! Jesus! Why can't you just pop your head in and ask me how my day was, like any other human father? So it was lame, huh? [sighs] No, it was fine. I'm guessing you still don't have a date for the prom. You know my art show is that night. Ugh! Art is boring! Prom is about sex. Sex is exciting. Look, I know you're kind of a weirdo, and getting laid before graduation is kind of a pipe dream. But... Maybe there's some girl out there who's weird just like you, that's down to clown on prom night. What a classy male role model I have. What do you want from me, Cole? I was prom king. I ruled over a night where dozens of virginities were laid to rest. I think I want a DNA test for my graduation present. Forget it. You're stuck with me for life. Ugh! Dad, come on! [door closes] [Maddy sobbing] I know this is inappropriate, but I bet that girl is a killer in the sack. [knocking] [knocking] You okay? I'm fine. [cell phone vibrating] [sniffling] What happened, Maddy? [sobbing] Okay. We don't have to talk. We can just wait for my dad to shout something offensive from my house. It's okay. It's a good distraction from the fact that I've been completely betrayed by both my ex-bf and my ex-bff. In a way... it's not that surprising. Prom and graduation are just around the corner, everyone is losing their minds trying to create one last set of picture perfect memories they can post, to prove how awesome their high school experience was. You're right. You know, it's been a while since we hung out like this. Does consoling you sobbing constitute us hanging out? Do you remember when we drew those chalk outlines of ourselves on the front sidewalk and called the cops as a prank? [laughs] Yeah. Do you remember that transmutation circle I added nearby? Yeah, I do. Did you ever watch Brotherhood? Oh, God. No. Was it good? Doesn't matter. [cell phone chimes] I thought he loved me. You now what? Screw him. They are drama absurdity. And I know you. I see you at school, and you are different from all of the other popular kids. Then why don't you ever talk to me? I could ask you the same thing. [cell phone chimes] Cole, come on, we're taking a selfie. What? No. No, no, no. Yeah. Come on, let's go. Okay, but I've... never done that before. Wait... You're a selfie virgin? A surgeon? Yes. Oh, I am so taking your selfie virginity. Smile. Look happy. [camera shutter clicking rapidly] Wait, why are you taking so many? "So many"? I'm just getting started. I have to take at least 40 before I can post. What? You'll get used to it. What is your Insta, so I can tag you. Oh, no. No, no need for that. Give me your phone. Come on, give me. Wow, did you do these? Uh, yeah. My drawing skills are pathetic. I don't have any cool talents whatsoever. Actually... I remember something that you were pretty amazing at. - [bicycle bell rings] - The crowd goes wild! Ah! All right. You done? You ready to crown me victor? [camera clicks] Perfect. What happened to 40 pictures? Moments like this should be unfiltered. Oh, p.s., you are being followed by the whole school on Instagram. What? Byproduct. Why did you do that? I don't want people seeing my stuff. Um... I'm deleting my account. Very funny, Cole. [gasps] Oh, we are so different now. Maybe you are. I'm not. Why did we stop talking? Really? You don't remember? No. Tighty? I never called you that. Yeah, well, when that happened that was the beginning of the end for us. What's up, bro! [students laughing] [whimsical music playing] How you doing, Tighty? What you got there? [girls squealing] I don't really know what to say. Doesn't matter. What gets me though is that Kane and I used to be friends. Well, at least we're friends again. We are? Yeah, we are. [cell phone chimes] Damn it! Why did all of this have to happen right before prom? That's it. What's it? Prom. As long as you go to prom, your high school experience won't be a complete bust. And if you're crowned prom king or queen, it's like being told you win at high school. Yeah, but sometimes it's the gay kid, or the trans-sexual kid, or the crippled kid. So that the popular kids can feel like good people for allowing it to happen. I never thought of it that way. See, um... What the popular kids don't realize is that most of their awesome high school experiences are at the expense of the unpopular kids' feelings. What if we ruined it? What? Prom. You mad, bro? No, I'm serious. I mean, don't they deserve it? I think you're just a little upset about what happened today. No, this is my chance to reject the last four years. How? We'll make it a night that they'll never forget. We'll do it by completely destroying it. I mean, it sounds fun, but... I already have plans that night. Oh. Hot date, huh? What's her name? The art school that I've applied to is holding a gallery night for their prospective students. Okay. But come on, Cole. This is how you win at high school. Do it with me. Fine. I'm in. Yes! We're doing this. I can't believe we're doing this. You and me, back together again. Reality check. We're gonna need some help. No way. "No way"? What do you mean "no way"? You hate them all worse than I do. I'm just not that riled. Besides, getting revenge on the popular kids? That's like bullying from our side. So, are you in? She's involved. Yeah, not happening. Hey, Cole. Hey. Holy shit, he talked to you. City, come on. This is our last chance to create the memories we wanna leave high school with. Hey, you're Cole, right? I'm so sorry. I was trying to follow you on Instagram, but for some reason I cannot find your account at all. What's the deal? I deleted it. What? Oh! Yeah. Definitely want no part of this. City, we're trying to make a statement. A statement? Since when have you spoken up about anything, you basic bitch? City, find your chill. Why? Because suddenly life isn't perfect for Little Miss Popular and now she wants her revenge? Why should I give a shit? City... Who! Excuse me, Tighty, didn't see you there. Don't call him that. What is up with you, Maddy? Taking selfies with this loser and not returning my texts? I almost got desperate and used my phone... as a phone... to like actually call you. What are you looking at, Stuffs? My name is... You know what? Forget everything I just said. I'm in. [inspiring music] Principal Statszill here. Another inspiring day comes to a close, here at Charles Adams High. Whoo! I've been fielding complaints from the juniors about the amount of time I spend discussing the senior prom. I say... Get a senior to take you. It's only statutory if you get caught. Oh, and finals are right around the corner. So, uh... Study, I guess. [toilet flushing] Stay away from me. I came to pee and you were an unfortunate byproduct. So gladly. Marissa, wait. Yes? How long has it been going on between you and Kane? Depends. Does sending him nudes count as the beginning? Wow. Typical Marissa. Yes, yes, yes. Typical whore Marissa. Way to slut shame. He was my boyfriend. And you were supposed to be my best friend. We may be the M&Ms, but everyone knows it's all about Maddy. And her hairstyles, and her Instagram, and her boyfriend. None of that is my fault. What about giving me an eating disorder by yelling, "Delete it. Fat." any time I post a bikini pic on Instagram? I was trying to be helpful. And never tagging me in any pics of us, claiming you'll never do that for anyone, just so you'll get more followers. And then you go and tag Tighty? WTF? Oh, enough with the abbreviating. Tagging you on Instagram and hooking up with my boyfriend are not even in the same universe. The BF you wouldn't even have if it weren't for me. Stop abbreviating! You... Wait, what? The only reason Kane was in the gym during cheer practice and saved you from that basket toss gone awry, was because I texted him. Then with fate's cruel twist, you landed in his arms. Your perfect meeting was an accident. Not some Disney princess destiny bullshit. So why are you doing this now? Easy. Prom. I know how much being crowned queen means to you. Which only makes me want it more. And being with Kane equals prom queen, pidge. Now just reflect and listen to my urine hit the water. [urinating] I reflected. My whole life has been a lie. Excuse me! [sobbing] Ready to do this, Dadner? Hell, yeah. I feel the fire And it's gonna be down All the way to the basement I'm missing a piece Of my beating heart And I need something To replace it - How do you do this? - [camera clicking] Thirty-nine more. Here we go. [camera clicking] You got just what I need You're where I gotta be I just can't stay away Baby girl can't stay away Baby, I'm just like An addict You're becoming A favorite habit I just can't stay away Baby girl can't stay away Oh, baby, I'm just like An addict You're becoming A favorite habit Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Yeah, we're gonna need more people to pull this off. Who would wanna help us? Every kid you and your ex-friends ever made fun of. [rock music playing] [inaudible dialog] What's up, big guy? Not today, you guys. I got you a pulled pork sandwich. No, that's... You're not gonna believe what I got for you. A little hot dog. My mom packed you a necklace. - Wait, no. Please... - Sausage links. Oh, look at that. Fresh ham, right out the deli. Hanks are non-kosher, okay. How about this one? Oh! Could you pick that up for me, please? I can't move without it on my head. You guys are killing me right now. Just... I have to get to class. Shut up, Strings. It's called a tzitzit. Yeah, whatever, Strings. [both chanting] Strings, Strings, Strings, Strings, Strings, Strings, Strings, Strings, Strings... [chanting continues] OMG. You're so sweaty. It's like your body is literally crying for help. I can't believe you're talking to me. Not kidding, but the sweat stain on your back literally looks like the United States of America. I'm posting this. Sweat that makes up stains in an abnormal way is seriously gross. [students screaming] [girl] Ew. You look like a swamp. Did you jump in the pool? It's not my fault! I have a glandular issue. [students laugh] "Boo Radley was an outsider. A recluse who never left his house, thanks to..." [all murmuring] "The terrible rumors spread about him..." [boy] ...those titties. Those were supposed to be for my boyfriend! Please stop spreading them around. You shared it with them? Whatever. You shouldn't have trusted me. [students chanting] Tig, Tig, Tig, Tig! Tig, Tig, Tig, Tig! Tig, Tig, Tig, Tig! Tig, Tig, Tig, Tig! Tig, Tig, Tig, Tig! High school is the God damn worst. [students continue chanting] [teacher] Who here did the reading, and knows the difference between DNA and RNA? Emile? [high-pitched squawking voice] The difference is... Wait, I'm sorry, what? [phone beeping] The difference is... Anyone else? Yes, Achiva? [Emile on tape] The difference is... He sounds like a sick parrot. Squawk, squawk, little bird. He's such a nerd! [all laughing] [students jeering] [laughing] [squawking mockingly] I'll never speak again. [heartbeat pulsating] [camera clicks] - [buzzer rings] - Whoo! [students cheering] Legals! Legals! Legals! Okay, here's the sich, people, we are going to destroy prom for all the a-holes who destroyed high school for us. Seriously, who cares about the stupid prom? Pretty much everyone at school, except for us. How do we know that this isn't some cruel game that she is playing to humiliate us later, huh? I would never do that. So we're just supposed to forget about all the pain your people put us through and help you out? Yeah, no way. I'm out. Listen. Here's something I've learned the hard way. Popularity is just some ridiculous concept that ruins people's lives. Truth is, you're the lucky ones. I'm envious of all of you. An M&M is envious? - Of us? - Yes. Despite being rejected, you all have stayed true to yourselves. I've always done everything in my power to fit in. And I'll admit my reasons for doing this are pathetic. My popular boyfriend leaves me for my popular best friend. Big deal, right? But it's not too late to correct the errors of my ways. I don't deserve your trust. [sighs] But I do wanna change things. Together we can make a statement. So what do you say? I have no idea how we all understood that, but... Okay, we're in. Yes! Okay, you guys. Maddy is like the Khaleesi and Cole us King of the North. Then what does that make me? Brienne, the bad ass lady knight? Eh, I'll take it. [sighs] - What's up, losers? - Whoa. A popular person. It's okay, guys. He's one of us. Your text was cryptic, City, but... Now I see. See what? Just trying to find a place to fit in. Apparently I'm too gay for the straights, and too straight for the gays. But... maybe with you, Cole. Somewhere I fit in. If you help us out, Cole will blow you, no questions asked. I what? Unlike on the basketball court, I shall pass. Sorry, buddy, no offense, but... you're just too fat for me. But I'm still in. What's the plan? We meet away from school, my place tomorrow. And I... Sorry, I just wanted the last word. [Principal Statszill over pa] Maddy Dadner, report to the principal's office. Maddy Dadner, principal's office. Oh! Madeline Dadner. Oh, Maddy! Maddy, Maddy! Oh! Maddy, the model student! Maddy Miss Popular. Maddy. Maddy, who reminds me so much of myself. Why am I here? Because of this. [Maddy] I'm not sure I follow. That is a picture of you and Cole Reed. So? Cole Reed is... weird. Okay? He's always drawing. Looking like he belongs in a hipster version of iCarly. I mean, he doesn't even belong to a clique. Are you trying to tell me who I can and can't be friends with? Oh, Maddy. I just don't want you squandering your reputation here at the finish line. What do you mean? High school sets the tone for life. All right? Look at me. Honor Society, yearbook, and the only freshman ever to be elected class president. And captain of the cheer squad. Whoo! [laughs] And where did that lead me? Hmm? To becoming the youngest high school principal in the history of the state, right back where it all began, here at Charles Adams High. Whoo! I don't get how this has anything to do with me. The point is... I didn't throw it all away in the last minute by hanging out with... Well... Those people. And what do you mean by "those people"? Oh, you know what I mean. Not really. Oh, come on, girl. You're a smart cookie. Yeah, and I don't get it. The losers! Don't hang out with the losers. [exhales dramatically] Just looking out for you, hon. By calling my friends losers and printing out my Instagram feed? I don't even know how to do that. Oh, there's an app for that. Why are you even on my Instagram? Oh, honey... If you think the entire faculty isn't following their students online... then you're cray cray. Wow. Think about what I said, okay? Selfie time? Hmm? Maddy? Maddy! Oh, this lighting is great. Maddy! Maddy, Maddy, Maddy. Turn around. Turn around. Oh, Maddy! [music plays softly] So when can I read it? When it's good enough. Which may be never. You're so talented. Any art school would be crazy not to take you. So, yeah. You're in my room. So I am. Oh, it's no big deal. Not a big deal at all. No. I don't really think it's a big deal. So, what did Statszill say? Oh, just enough for me to know that I'm 100% doing the right thing in ruining the prom. You are doing the right thing. Oh, well... We are. Together. Listen, Cole... I'm sorry about everything that's happened since the first day of high school. We've been over this before. It's fine. - No. - Really. No, it's really not. We used to hang out in here all the time. And I used to sit right here, just like this. Jesus! How many hours do you think we spent playing Pokemon in here? Like a million. And we talked about how crazy it would be when we turned 16 and were able to drive. Prom wasn't even on our radar back then. [sighs] Cole... I have to honest. Yeah. I used to think about prom even back then. Wait, are you having second thoughts about our plan? I guess I'm just saying... as much as I wanna go through with it, I think part of me just wishes I could go to prom. Does that make me a hypocrite? Not really. I think to some degree we all kinda want to go. Society, right? Good. At least I'm not alone. What do you say we kick it old school style? How so? Like eat microwave popcorn, watch some TV? You said Brotherhood was good, right? - Really? - Yeah. So the beginning is almost exactly the same as the original Fullmetal. - Okay. - But, uh... then it takes this huge turn... Ooh. Suspenseful. You remember it, right? Refresh my memory. Gotcha. Okay, here we go. Edward and Alphonse Elric, brothers. Alchemists. They got transmutation circle thing. They're trying to bring their mom back. It all goes wrong. Alphonse loses his body. Edward loses his leg... [birds chirping] [cell phone chimes] [chimes] Hey, baby. - Not now. - WTF. Come on, Kane, let's give everyone a show. Jesus! Would you stop it! What's your damage? This was a mistake. We're done. What? Did you see who Maddy was going to prom with? Oh, my God. He's totes hot. I'm totally voting for them as prom king and queen. Me, too. I dind't see it until now, but I totally shifted. [cell phone vibrating] No lunch today? Nothing here's kosher. Wait, you're Jewish, too? You don't look like it. On my mom's side. My dad's a struggling Buddhist. Mm. Interesting. But, shomer negiah... What's all the hollering about? Um... I can't touch a girl even the slightest bit, so... Unless you're my wife... we can't. Oh, no. I didn't mean... Well... Never mind. [sighs] Oh, how exciting. Prom king and queen, right beside us. Shouldn't we be excited that we're all technically going to prom now? [school bell rings] Wait. Guys, hold on. I wanna document this moment. I'm gonna take a selfie and tag all of you in it. Cool! [camera clicks] - Sweet. - Got it. Hold on. Hold on. We have to take at least 40 or 50 to make sure we all look good. [camera clicks rapidly] [rock music playing] Hey, Tighty. Calling me that is not gonna help you get whatever you want from me. But I got your attention. You didn't get my attention as much as you shoved me a locked closet. Yeah, but you didn't fight back. Marissa, what do you want? You, me, prom. I'm already going with Maddy. Ditch tat pidge and come with me. Are you high? A little. But that doesn't mean I don't mean what I say. Why do you wanna go with me? Your profile is on the up, and Kane's is on the down. If I go with you, prom queen could be mine. What makes you think I would ever go with you after what you did to Maddy? You're an idiot if you think she's actually going to end up going with you. Kane wants her back and Kane gets what he wants. She'll abandon you and your loser friends in a heartbeat. You don't know her like I do. I think it's the other way around. Besides, she just wants to go as friends. On the other hand, if you go with me, I'll make it very worth your while. Let me take off those tighty whiteys. Mm. Yeah, no. Wait, which one? You said yes, and then you said no. It's gonna be a pass. "Pass"? [scoffs] You can't just pass. Or shoot the ball, whatever. You're not really good with sports metaphors, are you? Not really. [punk music playing] [Maddy] Hey, City, wait up. What is it, Dadner? Well, I thought we could have some girl time. You're shitting me. What, you don't do girl time? Somewhere in there I know you do. Oh, great. Hey, Maddy. What's up, Stuffs? My name is Stufts. It's Stufts, not Stuffs. And I've nothing more to say to you. You really don't wanna go to prom with me? Not even slightly. Why don't you wanna go with me? Are you dense? Because you cheated on me with my best friend. It was a mistake, baby. And now that you're with Tighty... I mean Cole. I realize that I can't stand to throw away our relationship like this. Maybe you should have thought of that before you had your tongue hanging out of Marissa's nose. She sent you that pic? Never mind. Uh, look. I fucked up. All right? And I don't expect things to go back to normal. But we have talked about prom for years. We have to go together. Just because you apologize doesn't mean you get what you want. Madeline. I'm sorry. All right? Truly. But please don't let a single mistake rob us of our final memories together. At the very least don't embarrass yourself by making new ones with the losers at school. [slow clap] Nice speech. You know, to some of us, you're the loser. You know, maybe if I'd kept dating Stufts all these years, she'd be less of an emo asshole. I'm not emo. [sighs] Come on, let's go hang out with Cole and the others. Wait. You and Kane? Oh, come on, you knew. No, I didn't. You're the one he left for me. Yes, technically, but... seeing as I don't really care, at all, just drop it, okay? So when Marissa said she got some girl out of the way, that was you? - You're that girl? - Yes, how do you... not know this? I mean, you're best friends with all of the people who hate me and call me Stuffs. I never took part in it. I don't even know why they call you that. Tell me. Fine. [girls chatting] All of the boys have been talking about which one of us has the biggest chest. That is so judgmental. Like we can control our bodies. I've been stuffing for, like, two weeks. I'm getting so much attention. [girl] Stuffing? Toilet paper in my bra. It totally sells. Kane even talked to me today. [girl] OMG. Wait, but isn't he dating someone? [Marissa] Yeah, but she's a total Aunt Jemima. You mean she's black? No. She's just flat as a pancake. He'll lose interest soon enough. Hey, Kane. Hey, there's my girl. I'm gonna go get more fries. Oh, I'm so sorry! Oh! Wow. - [students laughing] - Wait, wait, you... What are you doing? Hey, wait. No. And Stuffs was born. All because I wanted Kane to like me. And then he ended up with me. You know, it's funny. I might have become you had that not happened. Maybe it's better you didn't. "Maybe"? I'd say definitely. Come on, Dadner. Let's go. [thrilling music playing] [Cole] All right, so TJ and Emile, you get above this stage, and that is our grand finale. Just one small issue. It's Shabbos tomorrow, so I can't do anything involving electricity. Or using the phone. Or money. Until after sundown. Don't worry, I'll come to your house and take care of the dirty work for you. Okay. Sounds great. Perfect. It looks like we're good to go. - Yes. - Cool. [all clamoring] [cell phone vibrates] What was that? - Nothing. - Okay, now I have to see. Yep, he's right. Nothing. Well, now I have to see. [inhales sharply] Oh. Well, now we have to see. What is it? Marissa pics. Oh, let me see that. It's for the scandal, not the girl parts. Gross. Just chill, guys, okay? She's just trying to get me to go to prom with her. This is perfect. Beyond. All right, um, fill me in. You have to take her. [Cole] Wait, what? Oh, I get it. Hmm. All right. Somebody just clue me in here. If she goes with you, then we can set her up and ensure everything we have planned she gets the worst of. What's this? Yes. My son having a party? Why in God's name would anyone wanna come to a party he throws? Oh, 'cause they're all freaks. But Maddy is here. We were just finishing up. Oh, I'm so sorry you guys are leaving. You know, Maddy, if you wanna hang out, I'll totally get you guys beers. But you can't tell your parents, okay? Okay, huh? Huh? Goodbye, Dad. Okay. Dude, when your balls drop... All right. Well, on that note... let's call it a night. - Yeah. - Yeah. We'll see you guys later. Bye. [gentle music playing] [Maddy] Hey. Ah... I thought you took off. Well, I tried, but your dad insisted on showing me his school yearbooks. All four years. Ah, I'm so sorry. Nobody should have to endure that alone. Hey, you're really incredible in leading us all. More like you. It was all your idea. I'm no leader. Well, I think you are. So, are you sure you want me to take Marissa to the prom? I know it sounds mean, but, yeah. I mean, she deserves it, and now that Kane's not gonna take her, we need to ensure that she shows up. Yeah. I was just kind of... really looking forward to going with you. Oh. I mean, I know it would just be as friends and all, and possible crushes and whatever, but... even just getting to hang out with you for the night, that's just... I'm... I'm sorry. - It's okay. Really. - I don't know what I'm doing. It's fine. I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow. Are you all right, chicklet? I'm fine, Mom. I'm fine. Honey, I know you don't always love our advice, but you can try and talk to us. And we can try not to screw it up. I feel like I'm on a treadmill going way too fast for me to possibly step off, so I just keep going faster and faster. Wait a minute, I don't understand. I thought you hated the gym. No, Mom. I'm talking about prom. - Oh. - Ah. Wow, prom. Metaphors are not our cup of soup. I don't get why I care about it so much. Because, missy, ever since you were a little girl, all you talked about was prom. You would try on my dresses and dance around in your room with your little Teddy Ruxpin doll. So cute. [Murphy] You were adorable You even crowned your other stuffed animals king and queen. I hate to admit it, but I want to be prom queen. Even though it sounds stupid and shallow. It doesn't sound stupid at all, honey. - No. - It's a little shallow, but it's not stupid. Most girls feel that way. Did you wanna be prom queen? Of course I wanted to be prom queen. But I'm sorry. Nobody was gonna put a crown on Murphy Dadner's and Christine Likinfelt's head. Oh, come on. I know it's hard to believe, because we're so cool now. You know, it's kind of bizarre to have a daughter who's like the most popular girl in school, when we were thought of as being so weird. People still call us weird. To our face. [man] You guys are weird! See? Well, what was your prom like? - [upbeat music playing] - [mic feedback] [man] Attention, everyone. This is the moment we've all been waiting for. This is the crowning of this year's prom king and queen. Murphy Dadner and Christine Likinfelt. [squeals excitedly] Not! [laughter] I'm so sorry that happened to you guys. Ah, no pain no gain. Listen, honey. You're a good girl. If going to prom and being crowned prom queen is gonna make you happy, then we say go for it. - [Murphy] Go for it. - And don't you dare worry about what anybody says, or what anybody thinks. You be you. [sighs] Okay. - I love you. - Aw, I love you, too. Thank you. You're welcome, chicken. 'Night, peanut. I think this is the one time we gave good advice. Let's enjoy it, because it's not about to happen again. No, never. You're killing me. You're killing me! You're taking bread out of my children's mouth. Get here. Look... I don't care what... Look at the... Hey, Uncle Moish. [stutters] I'll call you back. How much money would it take for you to cancel all the limos for the prom tonight? I'd never do that. But what if I told you it was for your nephew Efraim, and he was willing to spend the rest of his bar mitzvah money on it? Listen, girl-who-uses-piercings- to-get-attention, How do I know you're really here for my nephew Ephraim? [punk rock music playing] [keypad clicking] [text message beeping] [cell phone vibrating] [Skype call] Hey, lover. When's the limo coming? Limo canceled. We're cabbing it. I can't be seen coming from a... I mean, okay. Doesn't matter, as long as we're together. Prom's gonna be lit. Maybe you could do that thing on Instagram where you're looking at me with heart eyes. Yeah, whatever. No need to get riled. I know you're upset Maddy and Kane got back together, but don't take it out on me. I'm not upset about anything. What did you say? I know. Competish for sure. But I think everyone feels really bad for you, so we still have a shot at winning king and queen. Hello! Earth to Cole. Either way, you're so gonna get laid tonight. [car approaching] [car honking] [car door opens] What the fuck! Maddy! Leave her alone, man. Kane, don't. Just wait, please. What are you doing? Cole, calm down. How could you do this to me? To all of us? - It's complicated. - Try me! It's all happening too fast. Did last night mean nothing to you? No. I just decided I'm not gonna let petty revenge get in the way of me having the prom that I've always wanted. Yeah, but with the guy that ruined high school for me. That guy! [Maddy] I don't expect you to understand. I just wanna go to prom with my boyfriend to take pictures and enjoy the last moment of high school like any other normal kid. Yeah, it's cliche, but I don't care. Everything about high school is cliche. Especially the part about the popular girls being human garbage fires. Look, I promise, this is for the best. Now you can go to your art show. [scoffs] Look, I won't rat you guys out. But with everything you have planned, Just don't ruin prom for me, okay? Are you done with your fight? Can we go now? [yells in anger] Hey, rage monster, what's going on in here? What do you care? I care that you're destroying the house. You're about to go off to college and never look back. I still live here. Maddy went to prom with Kane. Oh! Well, that makes sense. Kane's awesome. Are you serious right now? Yeah, I'm serious. He's way cooler than you. Oh! Cole, I'm sorry. I know how you feel about Maddy. If I was 25 years younger, I'd wanna hit that, too. - Dad! - And I know about your prom plans. - How? - You left your blueprints out. - They were in my room. - Yeah, out... in your room. Okay? You know, sometimes I come in here and I hang out. Pretend I'm not an adult with a job, the responsibilities... It's very stress relieving. Oh, my God. Sometimes I think what it would be like to go back and make different choices, too. You're being weird. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I was doing it for her. Maybe. But you were doing it for the other kids, too. Ever since you were a little boy, you were always much nicer to people than I ever was. I admire that. You're being nice. What's happening? Maybe you didn't notice, I'm kind of a dick. - Well... - No, don't argue! I know it's true. Which is why you have to see your plan through. So people like Kane don't become like me. I have so much regret when I think about how I treated people. Oh, God. What I did at prom. But you were prom king. You were popular, had tons of friends. I've seen the portrait. [retro music] Yeah, but I was an asshole. Which is why your mom eventually left me. Prom king was the highlight of my life. Except for you. There was... supposed to be like a sweet moment, but... - Yeah, so... - Oh. Cool. Yeah. So what happened at your prom? It wasn't my finest hour, that's for sure. Attention! Attention, everyone. This is the moment we've all been waiting for. This is the crowning of this year's prom king and queen. Murphy Dadner and Christine Likinfelt. [gasps] [squeals excitedly] Not! [laughter] Did you see the look on their faces? I'm the prom king. Obviously. I'm gonna go get laid, all right? 'Night, losers. You did that to Maddy's parents? Yeah, and then I bought the house right next to them, so I could torment them indefinitely. That's insane! Why don't you stop? Because... nobody sabotaged my prom. Dad, you're reaching. If someone had ruined my prom, I'd be much less of an asshole, we'd live in a nicer house, and your mom wouldn't have abandoned you. I'm begging you. Destroy that prom. You'd be doing everybody a huge favor. Good talk. [upbeat music] [techno dance music playing] [cameras clicking] Hey, hey, hey You over there I said, hey, look at me I need another Drink like sour sweet tea Ain't gonna pay So it better be free See, all I really wanna do Is have some fun Twist that cherry now With that tongue Maybe tonight You'll be the one Party of one Party of some Party of young, young Young... Tell me the plan Is it too much for Me to understand? Do I need to yell For a yellow cab? Party all night long Drinking till we oh We will never know Right? Until we party Like it's wrong This party rocking What you gonna bring? I got my lip gloss Tight clothes High heels and all black Time to get this part rocking What you gonna see? See them bright lights Fancy cars Champagne showers Movie stars Time to get This party rocking Where's it gonna be? At NYC and NYA Fly to Vegas And call it a day Time to get This party rocking When's it gonna be? Every day, every night Every hour, all the time Whoo! Hello, students, and welcome to the best night of your lives. Prom! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Seriously, you'll be lucky if you can top it. Oh, and don't forget to vote for your prom king and queen. Oh, and don't forget to wear a condom... or pull out. Whatever. Have a great night. Whoo wee! [City] So, guys, I spiked the punch bowl. Just like a little bit. [indistinct chatter] - Are we good to go? - Yeah. The voting in for prom queen and king is said to guarantee Marissa and Kane win. And we are totally ready to Carrie them with paint. That reference is so played out. Can't we call it wrecking them from Degrassi? Oh, my gosh, do not reference that stupid show. Who cares what we call it? All right? We just have to make sure that they're both up there at the same time. Where's Dadner? She's out. [scoffs] That pidge. Well, the proverbial jig is up, my friends. Why am I even at prom? I didn't want to come to prom. Hey! We don't need Maddy to validate this. All those people out there, just want their perfect high school memories to their perfect high school life. We can't let that happen again. So let's go out there and give them just a small taste of what they've done to each and every one of us. You guys ready to make this a prom they will never forget? - Yeah. - Hell, yes. I'm so turned on right now. Come on, guys, let's bring it in. - All right, here we go. - Whoo! [all] One, two, three! - We are Groot! - What? - All right, all right. - So many options. [together] One, two, three! Holler G. - Oh, my God. - Goodness gracious. Come on, guys... We go bass side? Okay, I think we should stop. - [music playing] - [students chattering] Can I cut in? Leave us alone, Marissa. Are you kidding me? You forgive him and not me? F this. Hey, babe. I have something special for you. It's over here. What's so funny? Nothing. Nothing at all. - Punch? - Yeah, whatever. [ding] Here you go. All right. All ready. Okay, hand me the flashlight. Uh... [chuckles nervously] I wish I'd have met you sooner. I would have given anything to have a friend like this the past four years. I wish we would have met sooner, too. And, Efraim, it's okay to look. No, seriously. Look right now. Now plug in the HD mic cord and let's get out of here. Got it. All right. What are you staring at, Sweats? [tummy rumbling] Oh, my God! [dance music playing] [cell phones chiming] Oh, you're gay. Yo, bro, are you gay? No, you're out of the clique. [all arguing] Girl, you're straight? Get out of the clique. [clamoring] Hey, now. Hey, now. Everything is still okay. Just calm down. Now then, let's watch your life in memories. The best memories that any of you will ever have. Ever. Hit it. [music playing] [students exclaiming] I have to admit. This feels pretty good, Efraim. Efraim? [students laughing] [students laugh] Guys. It's not... It is not me. It's me, all right, but it's not my penis. It's not my penis! [all laugh] You realize you're probably gonna get arrested for distributing porn, right? Worth it. Oh, no. You are coming with me, little man. No, I can't be touched by a girl. Well... We will never be able to unsee that. Which might not be a bad thing. All right, all you crazy kids. Voting is officially closed. It's time to find out our king and queen. What the hell are you doing? Going against my better judgment. I know you're still in love with me. Sorry, though. No happy ending for us. I'm saving that for Maddy. You can be such an asshole. Wanting to be with my girlfriend when we win king and queen makes me an asshole? You're the one trying to get with me right now. Okay, first of all, in your dreams. And second, I know you're not an asshole, Kane. You just mastered acting like one. As a former prom queen, this is a moment that you never forget. It symbolizes an entire school coming together and agreeing upon one thing. Popularity. You know, I remember when you weren't such a complete douche lick. And somewhere in my cold, dead heart, I... [sighs] I still want my last memories with you to be something more than just terrible. [Statszill] Let's reveal this thing. I know how I left you for Maddy was shitty. Then why did you do it? Because I had to. No, you didn't. You could have just broken up with me like a normal person. Instead of giving in to all the pressures of becoming king jock and kicking me to the curb like some stray dog. This year's king and queen are... Can I get a drumroll? Now... Okay, I'll do it myself. [imitating drumroll] I mean, whatever happened to that sweet kid that used to ask permission to kiss me? Who used to give me rubber bands every day because you knew I liked to play with them. [gasps] Not surprisingly... Maddy and Kane! [students cheering] Are you kidding me! I gotta go. Trust me... you don't want to. What the hell, guys? That was supposed to be Marissa. [cheering continues] Enjoy it... Wow. This is a surprise. Okay, this was all Maddy's idea. She does not deserve our judgment. Wow, Cole. That was very big of you. Yeah, very big. This is something I've always wanted. Uh, Kane? Where is Kane? Be a good guy, Cole. You're a bigger man than either one of us are. Mutey, hit it. [students gasping] Saved you. [girl] That dress is wrecked. [students gasping and murmuring] Now you know what it feels like... assholes. [fire alarm blaring] [all screaming] How could you do this to me? I never did anything to you. It wasn't supposed to go down like that. It wasn't supposed to be you. [Maddy] You blame your entire shitty high school experience on me as if you being a loser is my fault. You just stood on the sidelines judging me, thinking you were better than me. Right. I'm sorry. Sorry's not good enough. Are you kidding me? Tighty lives. [students laughing] [boy] Tighty's back! [laughter and jeering] Enough! I'm sorry, Maddy. But this is all on you. What? I didn't even do anything. Exactly. You never do anything. Which is exactly why guys like Kane think it's okay to torment us endlessly. Because there are no consequences to their actions. You stay their friend. You go to their parties. You become their girlfriend or boyfriend. You stand idly by like citizens of a war who believe they have no blame for the atrocities that happen in high school. So, yeah, we ruined your night. So what? We didn't shoot up the school, none of us committed suicide. Even though we may have thought of it just because of the way you treat us. And the saddest part is that most of us just wish you liked us. We even fall in love with you. We all grew up together. The only people in our entire lives we'll be able to say that about. And here we are, using all these new forms of communication not to bring us all together, but to rip each other apart. Movies have been made for decades about how cruel we are to each other. And we can relate. Just nothing ever happens. High school is just a popularity contest. But for some reason, that's not good enough. So we created an actual popularity contest... for prom king and queen. To verify just how unpopular the rest of us are. What is up with that? Prom. [in normal voice] Fuck the prom! Yeah, fuck the prom. Fuck the prom! Yeah, fuck the prom. Fuck the prom. Fuck the prom. Fuck the prom. [all chanting] Fuck the prom. Fuck the prom. Fuck the prom. Fuck the prom. Fuck the prom. Fuck the prom. Fuck the prom. Fuck the prom. Fuck the prom. - [dance music playing] - [all cheering] Wait, can we have a second? Make it quick. I knew this would happen. We didn't even get to dance. I've told you. I'm shomer. I can't... [cop] All right, that's enough. That's enough. Back up. Back up. You're gonna be in the sex offender list for the rest of your life, kid. Definitely worth it. [romantic music playing] Do you wanna dance? Sure. No. I'm sorry. Can't... Can't do it. Nope, can't do it. [boy] Felicity. Felicity. Felicity Stufts. You don't respond to your own name anymore? Well, no one's called me that since... [sighs] Well, you. Dance with me, Felicity. You wanna dance? Yes! Let's go. Cole, can we talk? [camera clicks] Moments like these should remain unfiltered. Right? [grunting] Well, they let me out on probation, but I'm on the sex offenders list indefinitely. Let's discuss the fact that we're trending. Fuck the prom. So awesome. Why wasn't I speaking before? [girl] Oh, my God. Maddy's hair. [boy] This is the same hairstyle... [girl gasps] [boy] That hair, though. The hair, it's the same! [students speak indistinctly] Dadner. Cole, wait. Just give him a few more days to cool off. Yeah. [knock on door] Well, hello. To what do I owe the pleasure? [sighs] Is Cole here? He's probably up playing 68 sided dice game somewhere. Perfect. Can I come in? I'm looking for something. Yeah. Oh, and do you know what school Cole's art show is for? [Ken] I don't care. Tuck me in And turn me on Sight seeing Set off like a bomb You gotta take You gotta take sometime You gotta wake You gotta wake up sometime [Statszill] Cole Reed. Yeah! Kane Heely. Felicity Stufts. TJ... Brian Hertsenburg. Larry Max. Abby Klein. Emile Clan. Also, I love talking. Whoo! Maddy "the bomb" Dadner. Whoo! [cheering] [Christine] That's my girl! You know, you may have cleaned up your act a little bit, but I still think you're weird. Oh, said the lonely perv. True. [all cheering] So you got in. So I did. [chuckles] When do you leave? Right now. Yeah, it starts this weekend. Are we gonna make one of those stupid high-school-best-friend-pacts to keep in touch? I mean, if that's what you need to protect your vulnerable feelings. Me? Vulnerable? Mr. I-Made-A-Speech-At-Prom- With-My-Pants-Around-My-Ankles. Says Ms. I-Saved-My-Ex-Bf- Who-Used-To-Give-Me-Rubber-Bands. Shut up. Thank you for... not making high school completely suck. Are we supposed to hug now or something? All right, guys. Selfie time. I thought once your hair got boring you didn't care about selfies, Dadner. Shut up and get in the picture. Sorry, I'm out. Wait, what? How come? - Okay. - Gotta go. Dude, you're just gonna leave? Leave me hanging? Come on. Come on, Cole. Cole. I gotta go, guys. - Maddy, come on. - Gosh. Cole... Dude, I don't know how you haven't figured this out yet, but Maddy's the whole reason you got into art school. What are you talking about? She was the one that sent your portfolio to Head of Admissions. How do you not know this? Because nobody told me that. Oh, my God. You are such a dumb boy. Thank God I'm off to college where real men await. What am I supposed to do? Thank her? [doorbell rings] Hey. Can we talk? Yeah, of course. I owe you a huge thank you. Huh. For what? Being a terrible friend, or for ruining your prom? You know exactly what I'm talking about. Cole, you're one of the most incredible people I've ever met. Not to mention hands down most talented. I could't live with myself if you didn't make it into your dream school because of me. What's this? A going away present. But you're the one moving. Should I have given you a gift? You already have. Come on, open it. [sentimental music] It says you love me. Is that real, or is that just the story? It's not fiction. We shouldn't... Can't you stay till the end of summer, before school starts? I don't think so. Things got so intense between us so quickly, I think it might be best if we're just friends. Yeah, you're probably right. Do you think college will be easier than high school? I hope so. So, what do we do now? [soft rock music playing]