Ratchet & Clank (2002 video game)


 * [Chairman Drek is announcing his prerecorded eviction message to planet Novalis]
 * Chairman Drek: Hello, citizens of... [camera switches to an image of planet Novalis, then back to Drek] My race, the Blarg, have a small problem. Our planet has become so polluted, overpopulated and poisonous that we are no longer able to dwell here. But I, Chairman Drek, have a solution - we are constructing a pristine new world using the choicest planetary components available. So, 'what does this mean to you', you might ask? Using highly-sophisticated technology, which you couldn't possibly understand, we will be extracting a large portion of your planet and adding it to our new one. Unfortunately, this change in mass will cause your planet to spin out of control and... drift into the sun which will explode into a flaming ball of gas, but of course, sacrifices must be made. Thank you for your cooperation.
 * Cameraman: Cut!
 * Drek: And if you don't like it, you can take your whiny, sniveling, snot-nosed populations, form a line behind me, and kiss my– [notices the recording is still on] We're still on? [turns his head to the right, shouts at someone who is off-screen] Well, turn it off, you idiot!


 * Plumber: [bent over, with his behind facing Ratchet and Clank] Dadblast it!
 * Ratchet [To Clank]: Look, plumber's crack.
 * Plumber: [standing up and turning to face the two] What did you just say?
 * Ratchet: I said, "look, the plumber's back"!
 * Plumber: Alright wise guy, aren't you supposed to be on one of those escape transports?
 * Ratchet: Escape transports?
 * Plumber: [waving his arms] News flash! Giant robots attacking! The escape transports are taking all the rich folk off this galdarn planet.
 * Ratchet: So, why aren't you on one?
 * Plumber: Socioeconomic disparity.
 * Ratchet: [confused] Huh?
 * Clank: [To Ratchet] He hasn't got enough bolts.


 * Skidd McMarx: Anyway, I'm having trouble getting back to my ship... [Sees Sandsharks] Err... due to my sprained ankle.
 * Ratchet: Oh, come on.


 * Captain Qwark [Battling Ratchet]: Ya'know, Ratchet. I'm doing this for your own good.
 * Here's a little something from me... to you.
 * Oh yeah!
 * Ha, ha!
 * Bullseye!
 * Take that!
 * Wooooohoooo!
 * Am I good or what?
 * Did you feel that, punk?
 * Oh yeah! I'm the man!
 * Nice shot, kid. I owe you one.
 * Pretty good! For a beginner!
 * Owww! Now why would you do anything like that?
 * Ahh, that's a scratch. It joined me in my first space battle when I was a small product.
 * Why, you son of a *****!
 * Ratchet meet missiles. Missiles meet Ratchet!
 * Okay, you had your fun. Now it's my turn!
 * Time to get up close and personal.
 * Let's have a little face time.
 * Owwww! Enough practicing! Let's have some fun!
 * Why those buffoons? They couldn't shoot the broad side of my fitness trainer!
 * Well it looks like if you want a job done right, you got to do it yourself.
 * Thank you, thank you! Tonight, we'll be rebroadcast at 7 on channel 4,073.
 * All the day's work.
 * Well...that was easy.
 * And that my friend is the end of that.
 * Look, mister! You're in big trouble! BIG trouble!
 * You think you got me, huh? Catch me if you can!
 * Hey, Ratchet buddy old pal! He he why don't we just it a day? D-d-do you there?
 * Oh...I always liked you kiddo. I was just so unhearted.
 * Uhhhh. Mayday! MAYDAY! Well, Ratchet. I'd say you passed the test! Hah, hah. Oh boy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. [yells as his ship crashes down to Oltanis]


 * Plumber: [Gives Ratchet infobot and jumps down sewer pipe] Geronimo!
 * Ratchet: Did he just slide down a sewer pipe?


 * Ratchet: If I can get that, I can get past those robot guards.
 * Clank: Robots are not so easily fooled.
 * Ratchet: [trying to trick Clank by pointing at something] Ahh! What's that?
 * Clank: [falling for the trick, Clank turns his head] What?
 * Ratchet: Uh-huh...


 * Drek: You really are an idiot.
 * Qwark: What?
 * Drek: You're to take that shuttle to the moon base and ambust the two miscrients when they arrive.
 * Qwark: Oh, yeah. Who were they again?
 * Drek: AARRRGGGHH! Those 2! [Points at a wanted poster showing Ratchet and Clank]


 * Drek: Did you get rid of them?
 * Qwark: Yes... No. Well, I had this plan and I thought–
 * Drek: 'You thought', you thought!?! I do the thinking around here, you slugbrain idiot! I simply ordered you to deal with those two nuisances before they could cause any trouble!
 * Qwark: But I wanted to–
 * Drek: Do you still want to be my highly-paid spokesman of my new planet?
 * Qwark: Yeah?
 * Drek: Then the next time I tell you to do a job, I want RESULTS! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!


 * (In Gadgetron showroom): Gadgetron has showrooms located on every inhabited planet in the galaxy. Even one on the uninhabited swamp planet of Bogia 4. We don't know exactly how that one got there. Engineering blames marketing, marketing blames legal, and legal has been at a 'conference' on planet Bahamia for six months and they don't return our calls.


 * Ratchet: Clank?
 * Clank: Yes, Ratchet?
 * Ratchet: [asking rhetorically] Do you notice something unusual about Captain Qwark?
 * Clank: Well, I find the fact that he has a spring where his legs should be to be quite puzzling.
 * Ratchet: [asking rhetorically again] And why do you suppose that is...?
 * Clank: Probably a injury incurred, while battling evil...?
 * Ratchet: This isn't the real Captain Qwark, you numskull. It's a robot!
 * Clank: [embarrassed] Oh…


 * Clank: [After Helga says she will make Ratchet and Clank pay for the prize for "Disgracing" the course] But that prize is ours from the captain. That's not fair.
 * Helga: (Tuts) Too bad, life's not fair.

2016 remake

 * Captain Qwark: It all started with a hapless Lombax named Ratchet...
 * Grimroth Razz: Where do ya think you're going?
 * Ratchet: Hey, Grim, You're here. I thought you'd be down at the bazaar shopping for gravity for gravity coils.
 * Grimroth: Uh-huh. Well, I'm here. I'm always here. I don't suppose you sneaking out would have anything to do with those "Galactic Rangers tryouts"...?
 * Ratchet: I just need 1 hour. Come on, Grim. These are the Galactic Rangers we're talking about, Captain Qwark will be there!
 * Grim: No leaving the garage until you help fix Mr. Micron's ship. Now, get on that bolt crank!