Coma (Mr. Pickles)

Mr. Pickles: Season: 1 - Episode: 8

[incomplete & unfixed/messed]


 * [Birds chirping, cat meows] Hey.
 * Did you know medical waste is good for the environment? Nah, stop pulling my leg.
 * [Laughter] Hey! Quit chewing up my shoe, dog.
 * Mr. Pickles: [Barks]
 * Aah! Aah! Hey, stop pulling my leg! [Screams]
 * Tommy: Mr. Pickles!
 * [Screams]
 * Stanley: [Groans] - Where is that newspaper already?
 * Beverly: It’ll be here.
 * Just relax.
 * Oh, Mr. Pickles.
 * Hmm.
 * Tommy: I know! You can read me my favorite book, dad.
 * Stanley: Sorry, - I have to work.
 * Tommy: Oh, you always - have to work.
 * Grandpa: Ah, I think Mr. Pickles has been doing something to me in my sleep.
 * [Stomach growling]
 * Beverly: Dad, Mr. Pickles is - a good boy.
 * Stanley: Ah, look at him.
 * - No bills, no job.
 * Beverly: Oh, Mr. Pickles.
 * Stanley: Not a care in the world. [Sighs] I wish I was a dog.
 * [Bicycle bell rings]
 * Stanley: Huh?
 * Yeah!
 * Stanley: [Grunts]
 * Beverly: Stanley!
 * Tommy: Dad!
 * - The newspapers be on - digital tablets now, yo!
 * Stanley: I wish I was dog. [Distorted voice] I wish I was a dog. [Normal voice] Huh? Oh. A cat! I gotta get that cat! What the hey! What’s the matter with my legs? Where are my clothes?
 * Tommy: Mr. Goodman!
 * Stanley: Huh? That’s me! That’s me! [Groans] [Panting]
 * Tommy: There you are, Mr. Goodman.
 * Stanley: Uh, call me "dad," Tommy.
 * Tommy: What’s that, boy?
 * Stanley: Huh?
 * Tommy: You want some scratches?
 * - Um Ahh. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
 * Tommy: Dad? Can you do something - with me today?
 * Stanley: Um
 * Tommy: You always rking] Have to work, dad.
 * Stanley: But I’m your dad. Or am I a dog? [Gasps] Oh!
 * Tommy: [Laughing]
 * Beverly: Mr. Pickles.
 * Take out the trash, - mow the lawn, pay the bills
 * Stanley: Wait, I’m not responsible for any of those things. I’m free! I can do whatever I oh.
 * Beverly: You sure are barking up a storm, Mr. Goodman.
 * Stanley: Barking? I’m not oh, look at that leg.
 * I like your leg, I like your leg.
 * Beverly: Mr. Goodman!
 * Grandpa: That Mr. Goodman is evil. Aah!
 * Stanley: Ah, wait! [Screams]
 * Tommy: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up, dad! Come on!
 * - A coma could last forever.
 * Beverly: Oh, no!
 * Tommy: Wake up!
 * [Bell ringing]
 * Beverly: Tommy, please.
 * Tommy: But I want dad - to read my story to me!
 * Beverly: Tommy, go play and let dad rest.
 * - [Laughs evilly] Perfect for harvesting.
 * - Hey, now! How you doin’?
 * Tommy: Terrible! - No!
 * What?
 * Tommy: I’m so mad at the newspaper boy, I don’t know what to do.
 * Yeah, yeah, Tommy.
 * I find that when you’re mad at somebody, you should tell ‘em how you feel.
 * - Hey, ladies! Where you goin’?
 * Tommy: Okay, Mr. Pickles, go watch over dad.
 * [Sniffs] [Wand beeping] Grandpa: Come on.
 * These beeps are coming from the rectal area, sir.
 * Grandpa: What?! We’ve got a packer.
 * - Hurry up, Floyd.
 * Beverly: Hi, guys.
 * - Nice of you to stop by.
 * - Oh, we’re not here for Goodman.
 * We’re here for lunch.
 * Beverly: Oh.
 * - I’m gonna break my record - and eat 1,000 hot dogs.
 * - Get back to work, Goodman.
 * - Hey, what’s that thing do? - Beverly: This book? - You read it? - Oh, yeah? Do do that.
 * Beverly: All right. "There once was a wiggly, windy road that went on and on, wriggling and winding, - wriggling and winding" - Tommy: Come on, Mr. Goodman!
 * Stanley: Ah! A shoe. [Growls] - Whoa!
 * Down, dog.
 * Stanley: Sorry, sorry.
 * Hey, pal.
 * Wanna sniff butts? Stanley: Yes, I do.
 * Oh, yeah.
 * Stanley: Oh, that smells good.
 * Mmm, oaky.
 * Hey, let me get a sniff.
 * Stanley: Very nice.
 * Oh, yeah.
 * Stanley: That is a nice smelling butt you have.
 * Oh, yeah.
 * Tommy: I’m sad.
 * I wanted my dad to do something with me, but he has to work.
 * Well, I could do lots of somethings.
 * - Whee!
 * Tommy: Whee!
 * Stanley: Tommy, you get down from him.
 * - Why you talkin’ to him? - Yeah, he doesn’t know what you’re saying.
 * Nobody does.
 * Stanley: You mean, I can say anything to anyone, - and they can’t understand me?
 * - Dog pile!
 * Stanley: Hey! Come on, you guys. I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!
 * Beverly: "And the road straightened for a moment, then suddenly - it started to wind again." - Damn! I thought it was gonna go straight.
 * Shh!
 * Mr. Pickles: [Growls]
 * Beverly: Oh!
 * Uh, just fluffing - his pillows. [Chuckles]
 * Beverly: Thank you.
 * Read! Read! Read! Read! Shh.
 * Sorry.
 * Print is dead, yo! Read it right here on this new tablet device.
 * I’ll take a paper.
 * Here you go.
 * [Grunts] [Horn blares]
 * Tommy: Hey! Thanks to you, - my dad is in a coma.
 * - Yo, I’m sorry, yo!
 * Tommy: The worst part is, he can’t read me a story.
 * I guess that’s what happens when print is dead.
 * Yo, dawg, we threw the printing press away, but you could write your own book with this! [Typing] Words! Beverly: "And on and on the road went until It kept going. It kept going"
 * Stanley: [Grunts]
 * Pickles!
 * Mr. Pickles: [Barks]
 * Make some sales or your lousy butt is fired.
 * Stanley: Who are you calling a lousy butt, you worthless little snit?!
 * - Huh?
 * Stanley: Boss schmoss.
 * You’re a piece of moss.
 * Boy, that felt good.
 * Get this yapping dog out of here.
 * - He’s disgusting! - Stanley: I hate you! [Growls] Aah, my butt! - I always knew you hated him.
 * - Stanley: Hi, Floyd.
 * - Wait, you can understand me? - You’re in a dream, - Mr. Goodman.
 * Stanley: A dream? I must be your dream guide.
 * Here, let’s see.
 * Oh! I can do this.
 * Whee! Stanley: Whoa.
 * A cat! A cat! I’m gonna get you! Oh, there’s cats everywhere! Hey, shoes! Oh, yeah.
 * [Growling] [Gasps] Bones, bones, bones, bones! [Growls] - Fetch! - Stanley: I’ll get that! [Panting] There he is! [Chuckles] Stanley: Hey, hey! What are you doing? It’s off to the pound with you.
 * - Death row.
 * [Laughs] - Oh, yeah. "If the person dies in their dream, they’ll die in real life, too." Hey, look what else I can do.
 * Stanley: What? Oh, no. No!
 * Beverly: "Down the wiggly, windy road he went. Then he came to another wiggly part of the road and guess what? It was winding."
 * Our x-rays show that you have several items in your rectum.
 * Grandpa: Huh?
 * - One slinky.
 * Grandpa: No!
 * - Part of a guitar.
 * Grandpa: Oh.
 * - One roller skate.
 * Oh! I’m gonna have to get - all the way in there.
 * Grandpa: No, please! [Groans] One empty jar of pickles.
 * - And let’s take lunch, everybody.
 * Grandpa: What? Hello! Mr. Pickles, was that you?
 * Mr. Pickles: [Whines] Why am I in the morgue? Shh.
 * Oh.
 * Oh, yeah, you lookin’ good.
 * What are you doing with that thing? Aah!
 * Mr. Pickles: [Whines]
 * Get all the organs, baby.
 * Then we can pay off our college loans.
 * Well, I’m working on a patient in a coma.
 * He’ll be ready for harvesting soon.
 * [Moaning]
 * Beverly: "The End."
 * [Gasps] Read us another story.
 * Beverly: But I don’t have another book.
 * - Read us a story!
 * All: Read us a story! Read us a story! Read us a story!
 * Stanley: Wait a minute. I don’t like this.
 * [Laughing] Heil, Pitler!
 * Stanley: Hello.
 * - Get in there.
 * Stanley: Whoa. Hey, guys! [Laughing]
 * Stanley: Uh, hi, there. Stanley Goodman.
 * And you are? About to have a party.
 * Get him! Hold him down. Get down.
 * My mother was a chihuahua
 * Stanley: [Chuckles] Guys!
 * And my father was - a St. Bernard. [Spits]
 * Stanley: Hey! Whoa! [Screaming]
 * Welcome to prison, bitch. [Laughs]
 * Stanley: Oh, no! Help!
 * [Monitor beeping] [Paddles thunk]
 * Would you just die already?
 * Mr. Pickles: [Barks]
 * Huh? Quiet! Here. Every dog loves hot dogs.
 * Mr. Pickles: [Whines]
 * Huh? Aah! Oh! You want a quickie?
 * Mr. Pickles: [Panting]
 * You can at least take my clothes off.
 * - A bone, a shoe.
 * Grandpa: What the One cat.
 * [Meows] What’s this? It’s buzzing? Ticking? Metallic? We got a bomb! Nurses: [Gasp] One more hot dog and you’ll beat your record.
 * Hey! We need to ejaculate - the hospital.
 * - Evacuate.
 * That’s what I said.
 * Where to? Patients: Read us a story! Read us a story! Beverly: Just go to the library! Perfect! Nobody goes there anymore.
 * Patients: Read us a story! Read us a story! - Read us a story! - Oh, I’ve been waiting a long time for this, Mr.
 * Goodman.
 * [Laughs] Stanley: Oh, I don’t wanna be a dog anymore.
 * - You’ll die in real life, too.
 * - Stanley: I don’t wanna - be a dog anymore.
 * - You’ll die in real life, too.
 * Stanley: I don’t wanna be a dog anymore.
 * - I smell hot dogs.
 * don’t you? - Patients: Read us a story! Beverly: Yes, uh, I’d like to take out a book.
 * We put them all in storage.
 * You can check your e-mail - if you’d like.
 * [Chuckles] - Tommy: Oh, I have a book.
 * Patients: Hooray! Be quiet.
 * Shh Tommy: My dad.
 * He used to do lots of things with me.
 * One time, he showed me what a turtle was.
 * He showed me what a turtle was.
 * Stanley: Please! D-d-don’t kill me, please.
 * [Laughing] Stanley: Hey, - that’s a turtle.
 * Huh? - Tommy: Wow, - so that’s a turtle.
 * - Stanley: Hey, I know you.
 * Hi, dad! Hi, dad.
 * Stanley: Wait, I think I’m a dad, not a dog.
 * - Huh? My clothes! - Get back here, Mr.
 * Goodman! - Stanley: Oh, no! Oh, no! - Tommy: Another time, my dad showed me how he saved money.
 * Stanley: 70 degrees? I’ll go broke! [Groaning] My legs! I can stand! [Screams] Stanley: Oh.
 * [Screams] Tommy: And then one day, I walked in to wake up my dad, and he had a lump in his pajama pants.
 * What’s that, dad? [Groans] Tommy: Wow! [Chuckles] Stanley: No, Tommy! Don’t touch that! Wait! Beverly: Stanley! Stanley: Aah! - Tommy: [Gasps] Dad! - Welcome back, dawg.
 * Stanley: Dog? Dog.
 * No.
 * Oh, where’s grandpa? False alarm! It was just an alarm clock.
 * Mr.
 * Pickles: [Barks] Stanley: Ohh.
 * - It was just a dream.
 * - Tommy: There’s that thing again.
 * Stanley: No, Tommy, don’t! All: [Gasp] Hot dog! Stanley: Aah! [Camera shutter clicks] Stanley: You know, it’s great that you and Tommy got people to appreciate books again.
 * Tommy: So can you read me my book now? Stanley: Sorry, Tommy.
 * Late for work.
 * Grandpa: Mr.
 * Pickles should go to the pound.
 * Stanley: Well, I think being a dog is a lot harder than some people think.
 * Good boy.
 * Mr.
 * Pickles: [Barking] Help!