Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste


 * Herb: Alan, wait! I'm coming with you!
 * Alan: But how? Be careful, you big galoot.
 * Herb: I'm okay. I'm okay! (creaking) I'm not okay!
 * Alan: Oh, God! Herb, talk to me!
 * Herb: (groans)
 * Judith: What's going on out here?!
 * Herb: Alan, wait! Take me with you!


 * Jake: I miss Celeste.
 * Charlie: I miss Chelsea.
 * Alan: I miss Herb. Uh, I mean, I mean, "Sex and the City." I miss "Sex and the City."
 * Charlie: Yeah Alan, that's much less gay.
 * Alan: I guess that's just what our lives have come down to; three pathetic, lonely guys watching television on a Sunday night.
 * Charlie: Oh, crap, it's Sunday night! Chelsea's flying into LAX!
 * Alan: You're gonna pick her up?
 * Charlie: No, I'm gonna call her a cab and take a Viagra.
 * Alan: Well, buddy, I guess it's you and me.
 * Jake: No disrespect, Dad, but that just makes it worse. I said, "No disrespect." Why doesn't that ever work?(cell phone rings)
 * Jake: Hello. Yeah this is Jake. Oh, hi Nicole. Yeah, I broke up with Celeste. Now? Sure. See ya in a few. I'm gonna go meet Nicole at the pier.
 * Alan: Who's Nicole?
 * Jake: I'm not really sure.


 * Alan: Herb.
 * Herb: We haven't got much time. Judith thinks I'm in physical therapy.
 * Alan: Well, then let's make the most of it.