The Allergy


 * First, distract target. Look, behind you, your butt!  Then disorientate.   Adopt a 90 degree evasion. Uppercut, and disarm him.  Discombobulate. Wait, I have no idea what that means. Just double knock him on the head real hard.  Employ rabbit block, and strike.  Enemy disarmed, confused--ready for the coup de grace.  Deliver final quip: Time to hit the sack, literally.  A formidable plan. Commence attack.
 * Haiya!
 * What are you doing? You're gonna miss the school bus.
 * Okay, plan of attack. Kick children through the window, grab the two boys, twirl three times to generate speed, release it at exact 78 degree angle, throw the boys through the window directly into the school bus. Preserve reputation for punctuality, deliver clever mom quip. What? where are they?
 * I think you lost them at "Throw them through the window". Alright, what was your quip?
 * : [Inhales] You just got bus-ted.
 * : Nah, wouldn't it better if you'd said: "You just got schooled".
 * : [Inhales] You just got-
 * : It's too late now.
 * : Nah, wouldn't it better if you'd said: "You just got schooled".
 * : [Inhales] You just got-
 * : It's too late now.

School

 * : Dude, what is that? You've been doing it all morning.
 * : [Sneezes] Sneezing. Can't you tell?
 * : Not really. You sound like the world's angriest baby. What's wrong with you?
 * : My throat is itchy [sneezes], my breath is wheezy [sneezes] [Gumball shields himself], my eyes are watery [sneezes].
 * : Hmm. Sounds like worms. I think you've got worms. Just squat over a bowl of milk, and whistle till they come out.
 * : No dude, I think I'm allergic to something.
 * : Don't worry my friend! Whatever it is, we will find. And we will not rest until we find you a cure! And you will be rid of this terrible affliction! I promise.
 * : No dude, I think I'm allergic to something.
 * : Don't worry my friend! Whatever it is, we will find. And we will not rest until we find you a cure! And you will be rid of this terrible affliction! I promise.

Outside

 * : So, When?
 * : Huh? When what?
 * Oh. That. Well, now I guess.
 * Oh. That. Well, now I guess.
 * Oh. That. Well, now I guess.

The Nurse's Office

 * So the symptoms are a weird, empty sensation in my stomach; the feeling of light-headedness; and unusual amount of saliva in my mouth when I think of food. I checked on the internet, and apparently it might be something called the G-Virus, which can only be cured by cutting off the infected part or the removal of the brain.
 * Hmm. I'm gonna prescribe two weeks off, and a couple of heavy sedatives a day for six weeks.
 * Ah, thank you.
 * No, that's for me. What you just described is called being hungry. Now for the last time, please get out of my office so I can curl up under my desk and revise my career choices.
 * But I told you, I need-
 * Uh, hi. Darwin can't stop sneezing...
 * I was here first
 * Just a sec. How can I help you?
 * Right. Sounds like a simple allergy. Just hold it in, and get back to class.
 * Oh okay.
 * You should never hold a sneeze, it's very dangerous! You could pop a blood vessel, or even worse.
 * Is she right?
 * What she is is a pain in the neck who makes my job a nightmare.
 * If you have a pain in the neck you should really consult a medical professional [Darwin starts to sneeze, the school nurse turns him towards Teri] ... vertebrae may have slipped out of alignment, which could be a sign of something more serious [Darwin's sneeze causes Teri to fly through the window] 
 * Have a nice day.
 * : Aren't you suppose to take care of kids who are ill?
 * : [Forces a smile] Have a nice day!
 * : But we still don't know what he's allergic too.
 * : HAVE A NICE DAY!
 * : I feel like you're trying to tell us something.
 * : HAVE A NICE-
 * : [Sighs] I'll never know what she was gonna say now.
 * : What are we gonna to do?
 * : Hmm. We're gonna need to find an alternative to traditional medicine.
 * : Did I hear someone talk about alternative medicine?
 * : What are we gonna to do?
 * : Hmm. We're gonna need to find an alternative to traditional medicine.
 * : Did I hear someone talk about alternative medicine?
 * : Did I hear someone talk about alternative medicine?

Counselor's Office

 * : Alternative medicines are often ridiculed for being a bunch of magic baloney practiced by gang of almost criminal bozos. But look at me [Shows Mr. Small in a weird outfit] you can tell right away, it is no laughing matter.
 * : Yeah, it's definitely a bit sad.
 * : So the plan is to clean your energy by absorbing the toxins with the power of this unbreakable crystal.
 * : The power of these two unbreakable crystals.
 * : How does that work?
 * : I don't know, the magazine this came with went bankrupt after two editions. I'll just, uh, do this.
 * : How does that feel?
 * : Good! I think-
 * : I'm not okay!
 * : Don't worry! I've got a diploma in the ancient art of acupuncture.
 * : Really?
 * : Yeah. I bought it in the internet. It came with a scuba diving license, and a dog breeding permit.
 * : Don't worry! I've got a diploma in the ancient art of acupuncture.
 * : Really?
 * : Yeah. I bought it in the internet. It came with a scuba diving license, and a dog breeding permit.

Counselor's Office 2

 * Ah. ee. oh. ah not there. oh.
 * : Well, on a pain scale of one to ten this looks like it would score at least uh, "somebody please finish me off every second of my tragic existence is pure agony".
 * Don't worry! Acupuncture's completely painless.
 * You're right, I can't feel pain, or anything from the neck down.
 * Yeah, I couldn't remember the exact energy points I needed to strike. So, better safe than sorry. But hey! At least it worked! You haven't sneezed for a whole-
 * Ugh. I can smell dancing, and taste purple. Are there gonna be more side-effects?
 * [speak in an unknown language] The pineapple is so mysterious while dancing in bikinis.
 * I'm sorry. What I meant to say was [groans]
 * [speak in an unknown language] The pineapple is so mysterious while dancing in bikinis.
 * I'm sorry. What I meant to say was [groans]

The Courtyard

 * I think the best thing to do is just ignore it. I mean how bad can it get?
 * Do you have any nines?
 * No. [Darwin sneezes and Gumball is flung back to the wall] Goldfish.
 * It's the other people that I'm worried about. I think your allergy is starting to seriously get on their nerves.
 * What do you mean?
 * AH! I'm lactose intolerant! Probably...
 * What do you mean?
 * AH! I'm lactose intolerant! Probably...
 * AH! I'm lactose intolerant! Probably...
 * AH! I'm lactose intolerant! Probably...

The Watterson Car

 * That hurt.
 * I can't believe you were suspended for being too dangerous!
 * And I can't believe you just ditched school without a proper excuse!
 * Well we are all in this together! If Darwin gets to skip class, so do I!
 * I thought this was about finding what I'm allergic to.
 * Yes, that as well.
 * Well, he's been hanging around with you all day. So maybe he's allergic to stupidity.
 * Hey! It's not nice being mean about people's stupidity, and I'm gonna calm down now because now that I think about it that's actually quite a good theory!
 * Uh, is it?
 * Well, yeah. It all started with that stupid pillow fight.
 * And the more people gave me stupid solutions, the worse it got!
 * Hmm. There must be a way to prove this, but how?
 * Hey guys! Do you sometimes wonder what tree does cheese come from?
 * Now we're sure.
 * Now we're sure.
 * Now we're sure.

The Watterson House

 * Okay, we want to come up with a plan But please, no more stupid ideas  I don't think this house can take it.  or any other house for that matter.
 * Gumball, please think before you speak.
 * What if-
 * What the what? Dude, I didn't even finish my sentence!
 * Sorry, I anticipated.
 * It was bound to be stupid.
 * Hey! We're in a democracy here. Can I get a chance to speak please?
 * What if he sneezed upwards? Nothing would get damaged!
 * I knew it.
 * Mmm.
 * Come on, you're the one with all the good genes. What should we do?
 * Let's move to the desert, there's nothing to destroy there.
 * I knew it.
 * Mmm.
 * Come on, you're the one with all the good genes. What should we do?
 * Let's move to the desert, there's nothing to destroy there.

To The Desert

 * Alright, we're not going to talk. We're just going to listen to the radio.
 * Worried about your weight? Try "H-2-Low", our new diet water. Twice the taste, half the waste... size-
 * Diet water? That sounds completely stup-
 * I guess we'll be walking.
 * Or running!
 * Come on, man!
 * Let's try the other way around.
 * Hey, that was a pretty good trick, man! Try sneezing down. That should propel us straight outta town!
 * [Muffled] Even I admit that was a stupid idea.
 * And it's gonna get worse! RUN!
 * Quick! Let's run away as fast as we can in a straight line!
 * I don't know what's more stupid: the fact that that was your solution, or that was just followed you.
 * I think it was more stupid that you pointed it out.
 * No, don't do it there!
 * We need to choose!
 * Go with the panda! They've given up on life anyway.
 * Wait, over here!
 * That was close. Good job team!
 * Come on Darwin, we're almost out of town!
 * Just as long as we don't bump into some stupid obstacle again.
 * Oh, hey guys! Did you know that-
 * Don't! Trust me, it's for your own safety.
 * But-
 * No no no no no no no! Don't speak! Don't say a thing, he's really dangerous. One stupid word, and you could all get blown off to the other side of the specific ocean.
 * Did you just say…"specific" ocean?
 * No, don't do it there!
 * We need to choose!
 * Go with the panda! They've given up on life anyway.
 * Wait, over here!
 * That was close. Good job team!
 * Come on Darwin, we're almost out of town!
 * Just as long as we don't bump into some stupid obstacle again.
 * Oh, hey guys! Did you know that-
 * Don't! Trust me, it's for your own safety.
 * But-
 * No no no no no no no! Don't speak! Don't say a thing, he's really dangerous. One stupid word, and you could all get blown off to the other side of the specific ocean.
 * Did you just say…"specific" ocean?
 * Oh, hey guys! Did you know that-
 * Don't! Trust me, it's for your own safety.
 * But-
 * No no no no no no no! Don't speak! Don't say a thing, he's really dangerous. One stupid word, and you could all get blown off to the other side of the specific ocean.
 * Did you just say…"specific" ocean?

The Desert

 * Yay! We made it [Pants]
 * Stop. I'm gonna continue alone.
 * What? Why?
 * 'Cause I love you. But…but-
 * But you're a slack-jawed pea-brained dimwit, and you'll always be in danger of getting your head blown off every time you open your mouth around him.
 * I'm not going anywhere man. Ow!
 * Go. Just go! I don't wanna hurt you.
 * Well stop throwing stones at me then!
 * But what are you gonna do if I sneeze again? [Sobs]
 * Then I will be ready! [Pants fall down, underpants get revealed]
 * RUN!
 * We can take it. We're your family-uh.
 * What are you doing?
 * Well, I'm avoiding the blast.
 * [Cheerily] Oh! I feel great!
 * Meh. My bad. Looks like you weren't allergic to stupidity. Just feathers.
 * It must have gotten in there during the pillow fight.
 * Everything is okay then. We can all go home.
 * Well, I'm avoiding the blast.
 * [Cheerily] Oh! I feel great!
 * Meh. My bad. Looks like you weren't allergic to stupidity. Just feathers.
 * It must have gotten in there during the pillow fight.
 * Everything is okay then. We can all go home.
 * It must have gotten in there during the pillow fight.
 * Everything is okay then. We can all go home.