Hard Times for Haggis

[The episode begins to the city.]

Narrator: This is a story about the man, not just any men, but the giant and amazive man. His home, a monument to his greatness. And enormous brawling testamony to his countless achievements. Game, isn't it? Surrounded by the massive splinter as a tend. He sits alone, waiting. See how he waits. Waiting to sob of the wine of it's totals. Shhh, listen. [Haggis was waiting. Haggis look at the clock and starts to wait. The dog is sweating. The clock was ringing. Haggis was so excited. Haggis turns on the TV.]

Announcer: And Now... Boys & Girls, it's time for The Scotsman! Starring... Haggis MacHaggis!

Haggis: That's me.

Announcer: Created by Haggis MacHaggis.

Haggis: Me, me!

Announcer: Written Directed Produced Arranged Composed By Haggis MacHaggis!

Haggis: That's me! Me! ME!!!

Salesman: And here's Haggis in this week's episode... The Scotsman Beats His Dog! [Haggis was bonking his dog on TV. The audience was cheering and the certain closes. Haggis laughs.]

Haggis: WHACK! [whacks his lamp]

Salesman: And now, some scenes for next week episode, The Scotsman beats his lawyer! [Haggis was bonking his lawyer dog on TV. Haggis laughs hardly. Martin looks at Haggis.]

Haggis: It's just a cart! [laughs]

Martin: Duhh, I'm ready to serve your dinner, Mr. Haggis.

Haggis: WHO'S THE FUNNIEST CARTOON ON TV, HUH?!?

Martin: Duhhhhh, Roddy and Bullwinky! [Haggis was shocked. Haggis growls.]

Salesman: We interupt this program to inform you, The Scotsman show was hereby cancelled FOREVER! [The Ren and Stimpy Show intro is now on TV] We now bring you, The All-new... Ren & Stimpy Show!

Haggis: WHAT?!? [growls]

News Reporter: Tonight, we exploring the thenominun of Ren and Sti- [Haggis change the channel to Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy.]

Announcer: Okay, space fans, It's Commander Hoek and Cadet Sti- [Haggis change the channel to Stimpy with Foam EX from it's tongue.]

Stimpy: You know folks, nothing beats the closeness of new raspberry flavored Foam EX shave cream.

Haggis: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Lies! The snitch! BASH FOR ME!! It cannot be true! YOU DUSTY CROOKS!! TASTE THE WRATH OF THE MAGIC SLAMMY!!! [Haggis destroys the TV. Haggis pants.] I'm not stand from it, I tell ya! They'll RUE the day they crossed Haggis MacHaggis, THE KING OF CARTOONS!!! [laughs] You gonna run, but you can't hide! I'm coming for ya! [Saleman opens the door at Haggis.]

Salesman: Welcome to your new home, boys! [Ren and Stimpy are arrive the new home.] I'm sure you boys will enjoy it here. Especially of the foul stinch of a healthy little CHEESEBURGER lived here when it's gone.

Haggis: WHY YOU NUFFIN' DOG! YOU'RE RAT-FACED AND ME, I'LL RIP YOUR BISCUIT OUT!!! GET BACK HERE, I'LL TELL YA! GET BACK HERE! I KILL IT OFF! I KILL YA-

Stimpy: Hey Ren, he reminds me of you. [Ren was angry and he punches Stimpy on the throat.]

Salesman: What? You're still here?

Haggis: [growls] WHY YOU- [Salesman covers Haggis' mouth.]

Salesman: [giggles] Just a little leftover house cleaning. Come here, you.

Haggis: Unhand me, ya hairy back bull-weasel! I'll tear your eyes out! I ripped your freakin' HALALALAL!!

Salesman: Yes, excuse me, Mr. Haggis, but we need you to be comfortable say uhh... OUT OF THE STREET!!! [Salesman throws the Haggis MacHaggis out of the street]

Haggis: YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE MESSING WITH! [knocks hardly] I'm on hyperbole television to Liberty! You won't stand from it! Ohhh, don't make me cry! I'll punch on your hand, you know I'll tell bank robbers! I'll... I'll... I'LL RIP YOUR FACES OFF!!! [sobs] Now you guttin' done it! You make me CRY-Y-Y!! [bawling, crying, sighs] Get a hold of yourself, Haggis! How do you not a MAN!? Are you not wearing my dress? I've got to thinkof a solution! [happy] I'VE GOT IT! A trillions of a royalist fans will come to my rescue! I wonder often the toon and scoop off a whole bunch of them! YOU'LL NOT BE HERE IN THE LAST OF ME! I SHALL RETURN! [dashs offscreen, fades to the street] There no good filthy welshmen, not even for luck. I'll stop 'em. [gibberish] I'll show them making me hand. [All the people are laughing because The Ren & Stimpy Show was so funny.]

Men: LOOK AT THAT! [The people laughs] OH, YOU'RE KILLING ME!

Haggis: [gasps] Me royal fans! They're watching me show! [Haggis was shocked by The Ren and Stimpy Show. [All of TV was on The Ren & Stimpy Show.] STOP! They're crooks, I tell ya! HEY, DON'T LOOK AT THAT! STOP! NOOOO!! [The peoples grab Haggis]

All the Peoples: Beat it Kid, you're blocking our views! [All the Peoples kicks Haggis out. The Bus sign says "Read Ren and Stimpy The Novel" stops. Haggis was about to pull off and all the people are running by Haggis. The bus drives off. Haggis gasps. Ren and Stimpy Movie in 3-D is now in theatres. Haggis looked shockly at the Stimpy's buy Gritty Kitty. Haggis looked up in the sky. The clouds has shaped by Ren and Stimpy. Haggis screams from anger.]

Boy: Hey Mister, Look what I've got! [Boy got Ren and Stimpy underwear]

Haggis: Oh yeah? I'll show you stop doing like THAT! [Haggis gives the underwear and rips off]

Boy: HEY DAD, HELP!!!

Fire Chief: SO, A circus midget, EH!? I'm looking forward to THIS for a long time! [Fire Chief whacks the Haggis offscreen] Take this, and THIS! AND HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, HUH?!? YOU WANT SOME OF THESE!? [laughs] THE ONE THE FOOL HAS BEEN CHANGED! [laughs] [Fades to the park, Haggis was walking of sadness. Haggis' stomach growls, Haggis groans ]

Haggis: Oh, me belly haven't eat for weeks. [Haggis noticed the old lady feeding the pigeons. The birdseed is made of gold. Haggis was drooling happily. The pigeons and Haggis is eating the birdseed. The camera sees the Haggis.]

Pigeon: AHE-HEM! [Haggis looks at Pigeon, Haggis smiles. Haggis raises his fist] Come on, let's have it. Cough it up. [Pigeon pets Haggis threws the birdseed out.] That's better. [Haggis was about to walk away. Pigeon grabs his fist at Haggis and dashes away. Pigeons are punching Haggis offscreen and so Old Lady onscreen.]

Old Lady: Let be in there, I want some! [Old Lady smacks the case at Haggis. Fades to the castle, Stimpy was having a sword. Ren are reading a book.]

Ren: You know Stimpy, this is a good life. A warm snitter of Root beer and nice big comfy chair and my favorite book of Censored.

Stimpy: Yeah Ren, it's great! PARY! UNGUARDE! FRUST! [laughs] TOZAY! CABANEE! ABODUNZAH! [Stimpy rips the Marvin's clothes off. Marvin looks at the viewers sadly. Stimpy rips his Ren's book.] EFATMINYAH!! [Fades to the dinner.]

Ren: Stimpy hon, be a good lad and pass the salt.

Stimpy: Duhh, okay Ren. [Ren was waiting and growls]

Ren: Hurry up, man! [Stimpy was walking it on the table with his chicken on his leg.]

Stimpy: Duhhh, here's the salt, Ren!

Ren: It's about time, Dimwit. [Stimpy puts a lot of salt on his chicken. Ren notices that is too much salt. Ren slaps Stimpy.] YOU FAT BLOATED EEDIOT! [slaps Stimpy] YOU WORM!! [slaps Stimpy] YOU STEUPID DOG! [slaps Stimpy] YOU FAT, THROWBACK! [Fades to the Rainy Day and thundering outside. Haggis was looking the Scotsman Doll for free. Haggis was so lonely. The stranger walks to the store. Stranger gives a money to seller. Stranger points to the Scotsman Doll. Stranger grabs the Scotsman Doll. Stranger looks around and runs away.]

Haggis: HERE! HOLD ON, LAD! [Stranger got the Scotsman doll toy. Haggis runs off and sees the Stranger. Dog rips the stranger off and his name is Whacky.] Whacky. Me favorite ol' doggy boy. [In flashback, Haggis whacks the dog. Whacky loves Scotsman doll and he is so very evil! Whacky rips his Scotsman doll and stomps on the ground. Whacky laughs maniacally. Haggis was so scared. Whacky was teasing at Haggis. Haggis rans away.] NOOOOOO!!! [pants, Car splashes Haggis]

Muddy Mudskipper: TELL YA WHICH WAY YOU'RE GOING, YA LOUSY BUM!! [Car drives off, Haggis walks of sadness. Fades to the bridge, Haggis was looking the river.]

Haggis: That's it, that's all. I'll just END it all! [laughs maniacally] But... me shoes. I'll be missing ya, ya little toy teddies. [kisses his shoes. The wind was blowing. Haggis noticed the paper. The paper says "Got Problems? Call RENT-A-THUG" and the picture of Men, Fire Chief and Little Boy. And the bottom line says "For that dirty job you need done fast... and the bottomer line says "...CHEAP!!!". Haggis was so excited] HA! I'LL HAVE ME REVENGE AT LAST!! [laughs] They'll be sorry. [runs offscreen, Fades to Rent-A-Thug. Haggis was choosing the Lummox. Haggis was pointed at the Men Lummox. Fades to the Car. Haggis laughs.] It's use is about to cry, you weasely fat butters! [laughs, Fades to Big Time Studios. Ren and Stimpy walks on the Studio A.]

Little Girl: Oh Mr. Stimpy, can I give my autograph?

Stimpy: Certainly. [Stimpy inhales and barfs the hairballs on the autograph and close the autograph.] Stimpy gives the autograph to Little Girl.]

Little Girl: Oh boy! Thanks, Mr. Stimpy. [The Scotman's car stops on the Big Time Studios. Haggis comes the cousins to the Backstage Area. Haggis looks at the viewers and directors. Haggis looks at Ren and Stimpy door excitedly. Two womens are massaging Ren and Stimpy. Two mens grabs two womens away.]

Ren: Well, hurry up! I'm getting shampoo in my eyes. [Two mens was massaging hardly to Ren and Stimpy. Men put the lipstick on Stimpy's lips. Ren slaps the men's head] HEY SISTER! EASY WITH THAT, huh? [Two mens was about to strangle Ren and Stimpy. Two mens was fighting Ren and Stimpy offscreen. Fades to Viewers, directors, writers, Ren and Stimpy is all tied up.]

Haggis: [laughs] Now I'll show you some REAL entertainment. And now, Ladies and gentlewomens! It's time for The Ben and Stumpy Show! [Ben and Stumpy are made of hand puppets.]

Ben: Yo eediot, I will hurt you.

Stumpy: Duhhhh... [Stumpy barfs the hairball.]

Ben: ARRGH! You are fat!

Haggis: Now that's acting! [Ben slams the hammer at Stumpy. Haggis laughs] You're finished! FINIIIISHED!!! [The audience was cheering]

Salesman: WOW!! YOU GUYS ARE FANTASTIC! There's a contract! Here's a million bucks! HERE'S THE EMY!!! [Haggis laughs and nods "Yes".] HUH!? What are you doing here? I fired your butt! Now BEAT IT, ya losers! [Salesman kicks Haggis, Ren and Stimpy out of the Big Time Studios. The truck splashes the mud at Haggis, Ren and Stimpy.]

Haggis, Ren and Stimpy: WHAT THE... [Two womens, Ben and Stimpy are on the truck. Women waves the three friends. The truck drives off. Fades to black and fades to Haggis, Ren and Stimpy sitting. Ren and Stimpy was eating cans and bottles. Haggis sobs. Haggis whacks Ren and Stimpy]

Haggis: Don't make me cry! [cries] [The iris stops at him, Haggis was still sobbing and continues whacking Ren and Stimpy. 2 seconds Later, The iris was closing completely at the end of the episode.]