The Watch

Family History

 * This watch has been at the center of a feud between the Watterson and Finklehimer families for centuries. It was found by your great great great great grandfather Bucktooth Watterson, who lost it to a evil man called One-Legged Finklehimer in a jig contest. However, Bucktooth's son, your great great great grandfather but then Elivine Finklehimer took it, even through he had never slapped a peacock in his entire life!  ...all that time, the watch was hidden inside Louie Finklehimer's girdle...  then, when my dad finally retrieved the watch after a good old yodeling contest, he gave it to me, and now, little man, I give the watch to you.
 * This watch has been at the center of a feud between the Watterson and Finklehimer families for centuries. It was found by your great great great great grandfather Bucktooth Watterson, who lost it to a evil man called One-Legged Finklehimer in a jig contest. However, Bucktooth's son, your great great great grandfather but then Elivine Finklehimer took it, even through he had never slapped a peacock in his entire life!  ...all that time, the watch was hidden inside Louie Finklehimer's girdle...  then, when my dad finally retrieved the watch after a good old yodeling contest, he gave it to me, and now, little man, I give the watch to you.


 * Aww, I hate it! This watch is wonder weak, it doesn't even tell the time. What the derp does V past X supposed to mean?
 * Wait, did you get that from Dad?
 * How'd you know?
 * He offered it to me first. He told this really long boring story full of people I didn't care about, and I said "No! I don't want no busted up cowboy junk."
 * Do you mind holding this for a second? I need to tie my shoelace.
 * Sure. Wait, you don't have any shoes.
 * He who holds it, owns it.
 * Aw!
 * He who holds it, owns it.
 * Aw!
 * Aw!

The Watch Switches Hands

 * Okay, okay! I'll keep it. But on one condition, if at any point Dad offers us a better present, I get dibs. Deal?
 * Deal.
 * Now check your hands.
 * What? This one, or this one?  Now check yours.
 * WHAT!?
 * DOUBLE WHAT!?
 * WHAT!?
 * DOUBLE WHAT!?
 * DOUBLE WHAT!?
 * DOUBLE WHAT!?


 * I gave it to an old man.
 * WHAT!?
 * I said, "I gave it to old man!"
 * Shh! I heard it the first time, it's just that you DON'T GIVE AWAY A FAMILY HEIRLOOM TO SOME RANDOM GUY!
 * But I thought you were trying to get rid of it.
 * What's Dad gonna say now?
 * Is he gonna cry? 'Cause if he's gonna cry, I'll cry.
 * Oh, don't cry bubble cheeks, it's my fault as well.
 * So, since it's obviously your fault, you're gonna get it back right?
 * Well, I would if you hadn't been an total slack-jawed goober and gave it to him.
 * But none of this would have happened if you hadn't been such an ungrateful jerk in the first place.
 * You do it.
 * No, you do it.
 * No, you do it.
 * (whispering) What are you guys talking about?
 * Uh, how much we like the watch?
 * (still whispering) I love you guys.
 * Uh, how much we like the watch?
 * (still whispering) I love you guys.
 * (still whispering) I love you guys.

The Watterson-Finklehimer Feud Continues

 * I'd be more than happy to give this watch back, if it belonged to you! But my name is Marvin Finklehimer, and this watch belongs to the Finklehimer family.
 * Dude, did you really have to give to a Finklehimer?
 * Ha! Call that poetic justice.
 * Can you really turn down a helpless crying child?
 * You're not crying.
 * Dude, are you trying to cry, or lay an egg?
 * Get off my lawn.
 * Dude, are you trying to cry, or lay an egg?
 * Get off my lawn.
 * Get off my lawn.
 * Get off my lawn.


 * What are we gonna do?
 * Well, we just have to agree to never speak about that watch again.
 * But I feel so guilty...
 * Then we shall deal with our emotions like grown-ups: push them down deep inside ourselves and ignore them for the rest of our lives.
 * Oof! Hey! What was that?
 * It's the guilt, I have a massive knot in my stomach and my body just won't let me eat, we have to get that watch back somehow!
 * Oof! Hey! What was that?
 * It's the guilt, I have a massive knot in my stomach and my body just won't let me eat, we have to get that watch back somehow!
 * It's the guilt, I have a massive knot in my stomach and my body just won't let me eat, we have to get that watch back somehow!


 * For the last time, there's nothing in this world that I would want to trade for this watch!
 * Hmmm. What about the one thing that man has desired since the dawn of time? What about the one thing a man at the dusk of his life craves for more than anything else? What about the secret that has eluded every scientist, alchemist and adventurer of this world? What about-
 * Eternal youth?
 * Youth..youth..youth..youth.
 * I'm listening.
 * Don't have it.
 * But how about a girlfriend?
 * Deal.
 * We might need to make you look a little younger.
 * We might need to make you look a little younger.

Persuasion

 * So Marvin, how long have you been so surprised?
 * Ahhhhh...
 * Check please.
 * Ahhhhh...
 * Check please.


 * It's not our fault you weren't compatible!
 * It is your fault for giving me that back alley facelift!
 * It was either that or a bag over your head, her advert said no one over 25!
 * I'm sorry dude, but you kinda look like a microwaved toad.
 * Get out of here, I'm keeping the watch!
 * I wish it didn't have to come to this, Marvin.
 * What you are doing?
 * I'm gonna beat myself senseless, call the cops and accuse you of doing it!
 * Huh, I think you're a bit too lily-livered for that, son.
 * I don't know what that means, but I'm gonna prove it wrong.
 * (slurring) Ok, I can't remember why I'm angry at you, so I'm gonna go.
 * Is he talking to me now?
 * No dude, I'm talking to you.
 * Ok, I'm gonna walk you home now.
 * I can walk home by myself, I'm perfectly capable of putting one foot in front of the other foot...
 * I don't have the heart to tell him that he's going the wrong way.
 * I can walk home by myself, I'm perfectly capable of putting one foot in front of the other foot...
 * I don't have the heart to tell him that he's going the wrong way.

Last Resort

 * I can't hide like this anymore, we're just gonna have to tell Dad the truth.
 * Oh sure, great plan. So how do you want to do it? You can start by rejecting his love, while I sucker punch him with the lack of respect that we have for his entire family heritage or, if you can prefer, I'll just rip out his heart while you TEAR HIS SOUL IN HALF!
 * Get out of your box, you just gave me an idea.
 * Oh sure, great plan. So how do you want to do it? You can start by rejecting his love, while I sucker punch him with the lack of respect that we have for his entire family heritage or, if you can prefer, I'll just rip out his heart while you TEAR HIS SOUL IN HALF!
 * Get out of your box, you just gave me an idea.


 * I'VE COME FOR YOU, MARVIN.
 * What have we done!?!
 * You said he'd just bargain for his life with the watch, but instead he's gone the way of the dodo!
 * Just give him CPR.
 * What the? Do it properly, man!
 * I'm not touching his mouth, it looks like the end of an elephant's trunk.
 * Ok, hold on.
 * Move aside. Come on Marvin, don't go into the light.
 * No wait!
 * Ahh, he's been breathing all this time.
 * Shhhhh.
 * I'M KEEPING THE WATCH!
 * and : AHHHHHHH!
 * It belongs to my family, NOT YOURS!
 * Ahh, look sir, I shouldn't have given the watch to Darwin and he shouldn't have given it to you, so now I'm begging you- 'Cause all I care about is that my dad gave it to me, it'll break his heart when I tell him I lost it.
 * Me me me me me me.
 * Shhhhh.
 * I'M KEEPING THE WATCH!
 * and : AHHHHHHH!
 * It belongs to my family, NOT YOURS!
 * Ahh, look sir, I shouldn't have given the watch to Darwin and he shouldn't have given it to you, so now I'm begging you- 'Cause all I care about is that my dad gave it to me, it'll break his heart when I tell him I lost it.
 * Me me me me me me.
 * Me me me me me me.

Confessions

 * Hey Mr. Dad, you look great, have you lost weight?
 * Hmmm, let me check. One, two, three, four five six. No, same as always. Wait a minute, what have you done wrong?
 * What? What gave it away?
 * That's what I always ask your mother before I confess something terrible.
 * I was just messin', but Darwin... and I gave the watch to him...
 * And then I gave it to Marvin, and then we tried to get it back, but he wouldn't give it back!
 * What... are you... talking about?
 * The watch!
 * What? That weird Roman compass thing? No one cares about that.
 * Really?
 * Yeah, I just wanted to get rid of it. I even tried to give it to Anais before giving it to Darwin. Just tell Marvin he can keep it.
 * Really?
 * Yeah, I just wanted to get rid of it. I even tried to give it to Anais before giving it to Darwin. Just tell Marvin he can keep it.


 * Hey Marvin, listen I just-
 * Let me stop you there. I've been thinking, I only wanted this watch because my father wanted it all his life, and by keeping it, I'm sentencing you to the same punishment, so please take it.
 * Let me stop you there. We just found out that our dad doesn't care, so you can keep it.
 * No, I want you to have it.
 * Check your hands, you keep it.
 * Hmmmm, check behind your ear, you keep it.
 * Now check inside your pants.
 * But I don't wear any- Ha ha ha, OK kid, how 'bout this? I'll keep it for now but it's still yours. You can get it back anytime you like, deal?
 * Deal.
 * Deal.


 * This table is worth about a thousand dollars.
 * Oh my.
 * However, this coffee stain brings the value down to about ten dollars.
 * Now this pocket watch is very special piece. Only two were ever made and I say it's worth approximately 700 dollars.
 * Now this pocket watch is very special piece. Only two were ever made and I say it's worth approximately 700 dollars.
 * Now this pocket watch is very special piece. Only two were ever made and I say it's worth approximately 700 dollars.

The Feud Ends

 * Noooo, we're never gonna get him!
 * I don't know, we could probably catch up with him if we jog.
 * Noooo, we're never gonna get him!
 * Wait, I've got an idea! Can we borrow your scooter sir?
 * Sure, but you're going to have to fight me for it. Just take it.
 * We'll never catch him!
 * Don't worry, I have an idea!
 * What the- Hey! What do you think you're doing- Woahhhhhhhh!
 * A-ha! Gimme back the watch you prune-faced pincher.
 * Get your sausage fingers out of my face.
 * AHH HA HA, it's all gummy and lukewarm! Gah!
 * You said we could have it back anytime we want.
 * Oh, you can have it right now.
 * Really?
 * For 700 dollars!
 * and : Ahhhhhhhh!
 * What are you doing carrying a glass through a park?!
 * What are you doing ramming into an octogenarian on a battery-powered wheelchair?
 * Yeah, fair point.
 * 700 dollars! I can finally afford to pay off my credit card bills! Or maybe I'll buy those gold dentures I've seen in hip hop videos!
 * I'll tell you what you need to buy! BANDAGES! Owwww.
 * I'll mail 'em to ya. Ahahahaha!
 * This isn't over, Marvin!
 * and : Ahhhhh.
 * Ahhhh, the watch!
 * Forget it Watterson, the watch is mine and therefore the money is mine!
 * It was never yours and it will never be, Marvin Finklehimer!
 * Ughhhhh.
 * Ahhhhhh.
 * Ughhhhh!
 * Ahhhhhh!
 * UGHHHHHH!
 * AHHHHHHH!
 * UGHHHHHH!
 * AHHHHHHH! Are we actually gonna risk our lives for 700 dollars?
 * Let's bail.
 * Yeah, fair point.
 * Get out of the way, it's gonna explode!
 * Hey, that's great, now we can sell the watch and split the money.
 * Ughhhhh!
 * Ahhhhhh!
 * UGHHHHHH!
 * AHHHHHHH!
 * UGHHHHHH!
 * AHHHHHHH! Are we actually gonna risk our lives for 700 dollars?
 * Let's bail.
 * Yeah, fair point.
 * Get out of the way, it's gonna explode!
 * Hey, that's great, now we can sell the watch and split the money.
 * Hey, that's great, now we can sell the watch and split the money.
 * Hey, that's great, now we can sell the watch and split the money.