Paint Job

(Episode opens with Mordecai taking a pizza pouch out of a box at Pops's House)

Mordecai: Alright, dude. Ready?

Rigby: I was born ready. Now stop talking and hit me!

Mordecai: With precision...

(A THWAK! and a SPLAT!! sound are heard. We are then shown that the whole house is covered with pizza pouches.)

Rigby: Dude, that was like really close this time!

Mordecai: Yeah, I think I'm getting the hang of the tension and... oh, hey Benson.

(Benson comes in, extremly mad. His voice is high-pitched.)

Benson: (yells) DID YOU PUT PIZZA ALL OVER THIS HOUSE?! Don't deny it! I saw you! I saw you put pizza all over this house! (Circles around Rigby) And you - you're just as guilty! Don't think I didn't see you do the whole thing! Guess what -YOU WHAT?! You're cleaning it too, don't worry!

(Cut to a close-up of Benson, who is examining a pizza pouch)

Benson (continued):  (yell, splat!)    YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!

(Clock transition. Benson is still screaming.) 

Benson (continued): (yells) This is a pressure washer! Do you know how to use it? You better, otherwise, I'm gonna fire you!

(Clock transition) 

Benson (continued): ''You're cleaning every last inch of this house or you're FIRED! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!''

(Storms off)

Mordecai: (Sighs) Alright, let's get this over with.

(Starts the pressure washer)

Rigby: Come on; I want to use the wand.

Mordecai: No way, dude. It's a power washer. You need to have power to control it. You're too small for this thing.

Rigby: Come on, I got a low center of gravity. Nothing can knock me over. (Mordecai pushes him down) Oof!

(Mordecai chuckles. Clock transition of Mordecai walking up to the house, power wand in hand.)

Mordecai: Alright, dude. Give me some juice, but start slow!

(Rigby mumbles as the sets the washer to a setting of two) 

Mordecai (continued): Ok, this is good.

Rigby: Are you sure you don't want it higher? There are all these other numbers on here!

Mordecai: Nope.

(Rigby sits on the ground and groans. He watches a butterfly fly past.)

Rigby: I can't take this! I'm turning it up!

(Mordecai turns around with the hose.)

Mordecai: No! Don't do it!

(Rigby gives him an a-ok sign, then turns the washer all the way up, causing water to build up pressure and scrape off some paint on the house. Rigby runs over to him.)

Rigby: I can help!

(He grabs the hose but only makes things worse. Cut to Benson inside the house, on the phone.)

Benson: So I can pick up my car tommorrow? That's great!

(Water sprays at the window and Benson watches the scene. He walks out angry. Cut to Rigby swinging in the air hanging onto the hose.)

Rigby: Mordecai, help!

(Pan down to Mordecai)

Mordecai: Dude, I'm trying!

(The pressure washer turns off and Rigby falls to the ground.)

Rigby: Dude, who turned it off?

(We pan over to Benson who is standing there, angry.)

Mordecai: Oh, no.

(Dramatic sounds are heard as we see parts of the house scrapped off. Benson walks over to the duo)

Mordecai: Sorry, Benson. We know.

Rigby: Yeah. We'll re-paint some of the messed up parts.

Benson: That's not good enough! You have to re-paint the whole thing or the paint won't match!

Mordecai and Rigby: What?!

Rigby: But the whole thing's like the size of the house!

Benson: Yeah. That's the idea. You have till the end of the weekend.

(Benson walks off.)

Mordecai and Rigby: UGH!

Rigby: Geez, typical Benson, right dude?

Mordecai: Whatever. Let's just get started.

Rigby: You know, I was right there with you until the whole "get started" part. We got all weekend! Let's go play some video games. You know, bro out.

Mordecai: No.

Rigby: Have some bro time.

Mordecai: Rigby!

Rigby: Get in the bro zone?

Mordecai: Just stop it, okay?

Rigby: Alright, what gives?

Mordecai: I got plans with CJ tommorrow, and now I'll have to ditch her because you never listen to me. I don't have time for this kinda junk anymore, okay?

Rigby: Come on, dude. I bet we can finish it all today. Then you can still see CJ tommorrow. I mean, we paint stuff all the time, right?

Mordecai: I don't know.

Rigby: We get some tunes, some suiters, and bro it out like a couple bros.

Mordecai: (chuckles) Alright, dude. Classic bro time. Let's do it.

(Rigby plays a tape, and a montage of the duo painting the house begins. At the end it's revealed the only repainted the garage door.)

Mordecai: Ugh! We're not gonna finish this today! You totally tricked me with your bro talk.

Rigby: Relax. You'll still be able to hang out with CJ.

Mordecai: How will I do that if I'm stuck here painting walls all day? This wouldn't have happened if you just listened to me in the first place!

Rigby: Okay. I can see how this is kinda my fault.

Mordecai: Kinda?

Rigby: Ok, ok. More than kinda. Look, you go hang out with CJ. I'll finish this up.

Mordecai: Yeah, right. The whole thing?

Rigby: It's ok. I got this.

Mordecai: Really?

Rigby: Yeah, no problem.

Mordecai: (sternly) Really?

Rigby: Yeah, you go. Bros helping bros.

Mordecai: (sighs) Well, thanks. (walks off) I'll see you when it's done.

(Rigby starts getting himself ready to paint.)

Rigby: Alright! Solo bro. Uno bro. Bro number one. Bro number two is with his lady. And that's cool with bro number one. Brody bro bro bro. One bro. (pauses, then goes inside) Time for a bro break.

(Cut to Rigby sitting down on the couch in front of the TV.)

RGB2: I hope you saved room for desert!

(On T.V., RGB2 is on a raft with Carter and Briggs. They are holding their respective weapons.)

Carter: Oh, we always save room...for donuts!

Carter & Briggs: Aw yeyeyeyeeyeah!

(The T.V shows an ad saying, "A WORD FROM OUR SPONSER. STAY TUNED!")

Announcer: Return to "Carter & Briggs meet RGB2" after these messages.

(There is an ad showing Stealth Co. Rigby is awed.)

Rigby: Woah!

(The ad shows different stealth parts.)

Voice: (whispering) What is it that you need? (echo) Stealth. (echo)

(The ad shows a house.)

Voice (continued): Paint your house for free. (echo) Stealth. (echo)

(A message says: "We'll paint your house for FREE! 555-0100 Call now!

Announcer: This week only, be a part of our new experimental test phase and we'll paint your house for FREE! Call now!

Voice: Stealth. (echo)

(The house winks before fading.)

Announcer:  (swiftly) A substidiary of the US government.

(Rigby begins dialing the number on his phone and calls. The doorbell rings.)

Rigby: Huh?

(He answers the door, only to find nobody there. He close the door.)

Rigby (continued): What the-?!

(A man is revealed to have come through the house window.)

Stealth Co. Agent: Afternoon, citizen.

Rigby: Who are you?

(He closes the window.)

Stealth Co. Agent: I'm a Stealth Co. agent from Stealth Co. Coporation.

Rigby: Wait, I was just calling a Stealth Co. about getting my house painted.

Stealth Co. Agent: I know. Just need you to sign the contract.

Rigby: Ok.

(The agent holds out the contract in front of him.)

Rigby (continued): Dude, this is like a million pages long!

Stealth Co. Agent: (flips page) Just sign here to get started.

(Rigby signs his name.)

Stealth Co. Agent (continued): (flips page again) And here.

(Rigby signs again.)

Stealth Co. Agent (continued): Uh, initials here for us to paint the inside.

Rigby: And it's still free, right?

(He nods.)

Stealth Co. Agent: Mm-hmm.

Rigby: (places initials) Nice!

(The agent holds out a fingerprint scanner.)

Stealth Co. Agent: Fingerprint here.

(Rigby places his hand. The agent then scans his right eye.)

Stealth Co. Agent (continued): Retinal scan. Aaaaaand blood sample.

(He injects a syringe into Rigby's right arm, causing him to scream.)

Stealth Co. Agent (continued): Excellent, you are a true patriot. We'll be done in a few hours. Go ahead, go relax.

(He hands Rigby a fleece pullover.)

Stealth Co. Agent (continued): And please accept this complimentary fleece pullover, courtesy of Stealth Co.

Rigby: Wow!

(Rigby runs out of the house. Cut to the Coffee Shop.)

CJ: I don't know, it's just one of those things where it's like, "whoa". You know?

Mordecai: (chuckles) Yeah, I totally know.

(Rigby comes in wearing the pullover.)

Rigby: Hey, Mordecai.

Mordecai: Shouldn't you be painting the house?

Rigby: Oh, should I? (to Eileen) Your most relaxing drink, please.

Eileen: I'm on it.

Mordecai: Yes, you should. Quit messin' around and go finish the job!

Rigby: You can call off you dogs, Mordecai. I'm done. Because I listened to you.

CJ: See? You have nothing to worry about.

Mordecai: Yeah, alright. Cool. Thanks, Rigby.

(Rigby takes his drink from Eileen.)

Rigby: No problembro.

(Rigby takes a sip.)

Rigby (continued): Eileen, this is just hot water.

Eileen: It's good for your digestion.

(Mordecai and Rigby head back to Pops' house. Rigby throws his pullover in the trash)

Mordecai: So what do you wanna do for the rest of the weekend?

Rigby: I don't know. Maybe check out that loaded potato place.

Mordecai: (looks ahead) What?!

Rigby: It's a baked potato filled with stuff.

Mordecai: No, look. Rigby, where's the house?

(The house is no longer where it should be.)

Rigby: I don't know. It's supposed to be right- ooh!

(He bumps into something invisible.)

Rigby (continued): Ow! What happened?

(Mordecai and Rigby look up and see a bird fly into something invisible.)

Mordecai: Okay, this is weird. What did you do?

Rigby: I...You know, I just hired some professionals.

Mordecai: Rigby!

(He slides a finger at the invisible thing, and a scrape appears from before.)

Mordecai: Woah. What? What kind of guys did you hire?

Rigby: Professional guys! They seemed legit! I even signed this contract.

(He goes to a trash bin and takes the contract. He gives it to Mordecai, who looks over it.)

Mordecai: Rigby, this says "Stealth Co."! They made our house stealth!

Rigby: (gasps) What does stealth mean?

Mordecai: Aaah! I can't believe you didn't even read the contract.

Rigby: They gave me the gist of it!

(The Stealth Co. van arrives.)

Rigby (continued): Look, the Stealth Co. guy is right there. We'll just tell him to fix it.

(They walk up to the van.)

Mordecai: Hey, dude. This isn't...what we...want-

(Rigby opens the door, but the agent isn't there.)

Mordecai (continued): What the-

Rigby: Where is he?

Stealth Co. Agent: Over here.

(They look behind them, and see a still agent.)

Mordecai: Is that a piece of cardboard?

(The real agent tips down the standee.)

Stealth Co. Agent: Good eye, citizen.

(He takes out a handheld radar.)

Stealth Co. Agent (continued): Mmm-hmm. Yes, these are satisfying results.

(He goes to the back of the van.)

Stealth Co. Agent (continued): As per our agreement, your house is no longer detectable by radar.

Mordecai: Yeah, or our eyes! Look, there was a misunderstanding. We don't want this!

Stealth Co. Agent: Well, that's perfect. The test phase is over, and on order to protect our forumla, we will be destroying the product.

(He goes to the guys, carrying something in his arm.)

Stealth Co. Agent (continued): As per our agreement, you will be reimbursed $500, minus jet-refueling fees, which adds up to..64 cents.

(He place 64 cents in Rigby's hand.)

Rigby: Jet-refueling fees?

Mordecai: Wait. When are you removing the paint?

(The agent pulls out a walkie-talkie.)

Stealth Co. Agent: Let's wrap it up, boys!

Pilot: (on walkie talkie) Roger that.

Stealth Co. Agent: The jets will be here momentarily to destroy the house.

Mordecai and Rigby: What?!

Rigby: Well, well, how are you gonna blow up an invisible house, man?

(The agent pulls out a device.)

Stealth Co. Agent: With this tracking device.

(He throws it to the top of the invisible house.)

Stealth Co. Agent (continued): Granny shot! I would retreat to a safe distance if I were you.

(He throws down a smoke bomb, disappearing in the smoke.)

Stealth Co. Agent (continued): Smoke bomb. (echo)

(Mordecai and Rigby cough as the smoke clears. The agent floors his van away.)

Mordecai: Dude, we gotta get that rackiing device.

Rigby: Way ahead of ya!

(Rigby grabs pebbles from the ground and starts throwing them at the device, but they hit against the wall and window. Rigby grunts)

Mordecai: Rigby, stop! We just have to get inside and get up there.

Rigby: No, I got it!

(He puts up the ladder and tries to reach it.)

Mordecai: Rigby!

Rigby: I got it!

(He gets the pressure washer and tries to hose the device off.)

Mordecai: Dude, just do what I'm saying!

Rigby: No! I can do it myself! I can be a solo bro!

Mordecai: What are you talking about?

(Rigby sighs and stops.)

Rigby: We were supposed to do this together. Like we always do.

Mordecai: Then why did you say I could leave?

Rigby: 'Cause you got your whole "CJ" thing, and I wanted to help. It just kind of feels like we don't hang out like we used to.

Mordecai: Look, sometimes I'm gonna be doing other things. But you're my best friend. I'm not ditchin you, dude.

(Rigby smiles, then looks in front.)

Rigby: We're gonna die!

Mordecai: We gotta get inside the house!

(They get inside and start going up.)

Mordecai: Dude, it's the stairs!

(They run across until they hit a wall.)

Rigby: It's the end of the hall!

Mordecai: That means the attiic's right above us!

(He reaches for the cord.)

Mordecai (continued): Where's the cord?

(He grabs it.)

Mordecai (continued): Got it!

(He pulls it and something crashes.)

Rigby: What was that?

Mordecai: I don't know, Rigby. Maybe it's the broken attic ladder you said you'd fix last week.

Rigby: Quit living in the past, man!

(The jets are heading toward the house.)

Pilot: Appraching target.

Mordecai: Come on. I'll boost you up.

Rigby: I don't know my way around the attic!

Mordecai: What, are you gonna boost me up there? Just listen to me and I'll guide you.

Rigby: Fine!

(Mordecai gets him into the attic.)

Rigby (continued): Now what?

(Mordecai points to the left.)

Mordecai: The window's that way!

(Rigby starts running.)

Mordecai (continued): Watch out for the mirror! Left! Right! Turntable! Bird cage! Low-hanging beam! Mousetrap! Cobwebs! Close your mouth! Exposed wire! The window's in front of you!

(Rigby opens it and climbs out. Benson drives to the house eating popcorn.)

Benson: Ah. This buttered popcorn is good.

(He looks up.)

Benson (continued): Huh?

(As he stops the car, he notices Rigby running toward the tracking device.)

Benson (continued): Hey! Get down from there! It's not safe!

  (Rigby finally reaches the device as the jets get closer.)

Pilot: Target in sight.

(The missile is being aimed at Rigby and the tracking device.)

Mordecai: Rigby, throw it!

Rigby: Where?!

Mordecai: As far as you can, dude!

(Rigby runs and throws the device out the invisible window.)

Mordecai and Rigby: We did it!

Muscle Man: Bros!

(They look down and see that Muscle Man has caught the device, and is wearing the pullover.)

Muscle Man (continued): How much do you think I can get for this thing? $50? $60? How about this sweet pullover I found in the trash?

(Mordecai and Rigby signal and scream for Muscle Man to get rid of the device. He takes a look at it.)

Muscle Man (continued): "Missile Tracking Device".

(He squeals and throws it back up.)

Rigby: No, not back to us!

(Rigby throws it toward Benson, who throws it to Muscle Man, who throws it to Hi Five Ghost. Everyone keeps throwing until Benson fumbles with it.)

Benson: No, no, no, no!

(He then accidently throws it into his closed car window.)

Benson (continued): No, no, no, no!

(He is inable to reach the device through the smashed car window. He tries the door handle.)

Benson (continued): C'mon! Open!

(The butter from his hands get stuck on the handle.)

Benson (continued): Aaah! Why did I get extra butter? C'mon!!

(He tries pulling up the door lock, but his buttery fingers make it hard.)

Benson: Darn it!

(Benson drops his keys and fumbles around grabbing them as the pilot aims the missile.)

Pilot: Lock and load.

(He presses a button and a missile comes out from underneath the jet. It then speeds toward the car. Benson screams and runs as the missile blows up his car. After a brief explosion, Mordecai and Rigby cough and go toward Benson, who is overall tempered.)

Mordecai: Oh man, your car.

Benson: Car?! What car?! I don't SEE any car! Maybe it's invisible - kinda like the checks I'll be paying you with FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS!

(Turns around)

Benson (continued): AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOUSE?!

Mordecai: Yeah, about that...

(End of Paint Job)