Invasion of the Squirrelanoids

[music.] [tires squealing.] Take a right No, left! Left! [all screaming.] Um, Donnie, maybe you can tell me before we pass the street. I'm sorry, Leo. There's still so many mutagen canisters out there, my tracker is having trouble zeroing in on a single reading. Oh, turn right! [all screaming.] Whoa, I think I just got shell-lash! [screaming.] Hey, Mikey. You want to stop reading your comics and pay attention to the mission? [grunts.] Hey! That comic's in mint ah! Near mint condition. Don't mess it up. Great. Another horror story. Guess who's gonna be up all night again? What? No. I was up all night 'cause I was polishing my grappling hook! Right. Seriously, Mikey, what are those horror comics good for other than freaking you out and [beeping.] Got one! Stop here! [tires squealing.] [all grunt.] [door chimes.] My ooze specs are picking up a mutagen trail. Come on! [sirens blaring distantly.] Remember, this might be another trap, so we need to be careful. [squishing.] Eh-heh-heh. - Some ninja. - Guys, over here. It's half empty, but one more mutagen canister recovered. [man screaming.] It wasn't me. [man whimpering.] [whimpering.] [squirrel chirping.] Why's that dude afraid of a cute, tiny little squirrel? [squirrel hisses.] All: [screaming.] [screaming.] [gagging.] Now can I scream in horror? Dudes, this is a terrible idea. This is exactly how the alien got onto the ship - in my comic book. - Maybe Mikey's right. Both: What? I mean, the comic book thing is totally crazy, but I can think of a million other reasons it's a bad idea to take this guy back to the lair, starting with Splinter. Raph, that squirrel was clearly a mutant creature, which means this is our fault. And our responsibility to fix it. I'll deal with - Master Splinter, let me explain. - Indeed. Please explain the reason you have brought a complete stranger into our secret, hidden lair! Oh, you'll laugh your whiskers off when you hear this one. [all laughing nervously.] It's pretty good. [cane thumps.] Careful with the specimen. I want to run some tests on him. Take it easy, boys. Easy D'oh! [groaning.] So want to guess the first thing the crew did when they brought the guy back on the spaceship in my comic? Enough with the comic already! You're makin' me loopy. Great. Now it went from "near mint" to "totally messed up. " Okay, we're cool, but let's try to get this guy out of here before Master Splinter is done meditating. Where are we at, Donnie? Running an internal scan right now to see if - Yep, still in there. - Whoa. Wait. Does it have two heads? All right, guys. If you need me, I'll be beating Leo's high score in pinball. Pink eye, red eye! The ham went flying! Woot-woot! I think that freaky squirrel made him a little nutty. Dudes, I got this. I can totally translate crazy. Gimme a hootenanny He's saying, "the squirrel licked some ooze and transformed into a mutant. It's been chasing me for days now, but I'm totally okay. " If by "okay", you mean "totally insane. " Well, at least no one will believe a crazy guy if he talks about giant ninja turtles living in a sewer. [grunting.] [retches.] [all screaming.] [squirrels chirping.] This this is unprecedented! The squirrels replicate inside a host. They divided like a single-celled organism. That's exactly what happened in my comic! Well, not exactly. They exploded out of the dude's butt. Agh! Leprechauns! I'll show our friend to the door! [crashing.] [squirrels chirping.] We need to catch them. They're emitting dangerous amounts of energy. Move very slowly. We don't want to startle 'em. Steady steady [squirrels hissing.] Ahhhh! Get 'em! [clattering.] Hey! Get back here! [crashing.] Hey! Whoa! Watch my stuff! I got you, little freak! Well, our friend's gone, but we still have plenty of crazy. There they go! [screams.] [all grunting.] Quick! Help me seal off the lair. We can't let 'em escape! Well, I don't exactly want 'em in here with us. Get back here, you little nut-lover! [grunting.] [screams.] [squirrels chirping.] Wah-ha! Huh? Yeh! Wah! [squirrel hissing.] [screams.] Huh? [grunting.] Get off! Not my room! The dojo! [squirrel chirping.] [squirrel chirping.] [whispering.] Sensei's in a deep trance. Shh. Full ninja mode. [both grunt.] [squirrel chirping.] Jeez, Mikey. When's the last time you cleaned? And since when did you start wearing tighty-whities? That, my friend, is a story for another day. Let's just focus on the squirrels, comprende? Oh, sweet. Awesome idea. I just impressed myself. Here, squirrely, squirrely squirrel. Come get it! [sniffs.] Here you go, squirrel. [chomping.] Have a tiny bite. [munching.] Where is that little sucker? Oh! [squirrel screeching.] What is going on in here? I was in a deep meditative trance, trying to block out your constant noise, and - Is that a chipmunk? - Uh, it's, um, a squirrel, sensei. A dangerous mutant squirrel that reproduces inside stomachs. I should have been in a deeper trance. You will be safe here for a short time, my distant cousin, until we can find out more about you. This pizza is the best. Ha! Four-day-old pepperoni, jelly bean, and maple syrup. Wait. What were we supposed to be doing again? [scuffling.] [squirrel chirping.] The squirrel! There you are! [grunting.] Raph! That was my limited edition action-kick Unicorn Man! There's the little creepster! [squirrel chirping.] Huh? [gagging.] It's in my guts! I can feel it in there, munching on that popcorn I ate! It's freakin' me out, man! Okay, you got to stop with the this, because I can't hear what's going on inside your intestines. Oh, I'll tell you what's going on in there. Let me see. Oh, yeah. Right now the mutant squirrel is probably secreting a mucus into your stomach lining so that when it multiplies - Ugh. - Mikey, not helping. Though probably 98% accurate. Get 'em out, get 'em out, get em out! Just as I thought. We need to perform surgery, stat! Nurse? [saw buzzing.] Let me out of here! [laughter.] - Fooled you! - Why you, you, you [grunting.] - Raph, are you - Bros, brace for grossness. [retches.] [squirrels screeching.] [machines whirring.] Donnie! Donnie! Some sciencey stuff would be a big help right now. [squirrels screeching.] Glowing. Glowing's bad. Glowing is real bad. I see it's happening here as well. These things are putting out a crazy energy signature. It's messing with my analyzer. We're doomed. Doomed, I tell you! [squirrel chirping.] [squirrel screeches.] Split up and search each room. Split up? Clearly you don't read comics either, sensei, 'cause splitting up is the Silence. You are trained warriors. We will find these creatures. Now. Split up to search in the dark for multiplying mutants. Could we pick a more cliché way to get eaten? One of us could twist our ankle, - or our T-phones could die or - Okay, move. [machine whirring.] [both scream.] What are you doing? I told you I'd check the bedrooms! I thought you'd need back up. [laughs weakly.] [distant hissing.] There was a sound just like that in my comic when the baby aliens transformed into giant alienoids. Wait, you read it in a comic. How can it sound the same? Sweet mother of mutations. They've turned into into Squirrelanoids! [Squirrelanoid screeches.] [Michelangelo and Raphael screaming.] Oh, no. Leo, they're here! [whooshing.] [Squirrelanoids screeching.] Whoa! They're gonna brain-suck us! Gah! [Squirrelanoid screeches.] [all whimpering.] Thump! [Squirrelanoid screeching.] [splashing.] The sewers lead to the surface! - If those things get out - Go then, quickly! I will stay to defend the lair, in case the beasts double back. Which means we have to go after them alone? In the dark sewer? Without you? Who among you wants to prove you are the bravest? The strongest of will? The worthiest of ninjas? [robot whirring.] Master Splinter, I'd say there's some kind of lesson here like, I don't know, "brains over bravery" or something? I'd say the "something" part is most accurate. Uh, hmm hmm I'm not gonna say this happened in my comic, but this happened in my comic. [Squirrelanoid screeching.] What was that? [whooshing.] There's one. [Squirrelanoid screeching.] [gasps.] Metalhead! [clang!.] Page 33. Oh, man! Don't worry, little pal. I'll make you all better. I do not want to say I was right, but I was right. [machine whirring.] [blows raspberry.] Just throwing this out there. What are we supposed to do when we find these Squirrelanoid monsters? Don't worry. They'll find us. You always know just the right thing to say. I'm picking up strong readings from both tunnels! - Then we split up. - Again? - Didn't you guys get - But this time in teams, okay? It's still splitting up. We're toast! Game over, man! Game over! This way, Donnie. Sure, you take the guy with the tracking device. Come on, Mikey. So, uh, how did they defeat the aliens in your comic book? Oh, so now you want to know. Well, first the aliens picked off the crew in the dark, one-by-one, sucking their faces off until there was only one remaining survivor. Sorry I asked. [Squirrelanoid chirping.] Wait. Did you hear that? [machine whirring.] Yeah. Yeah, I heard it. Over there. [distant clanging.] [machine beeping faster.] [Squirrelanoid growling.] [Squirrelanoid chirping.] [sighs.] I don't see anything. [Squirrelanoid screeching.] - Ahhh! - Donnie! [screaming.] [Squirrelanoid chirping.] - Heads or tails? - Heads! [Squirrelanoid screeches.] [grunting.] Oh, no. Donnie, move! [Squirrelanoid screeching.] Move! [gasps.] Aghhhh! Whoa! [all grunt.] [all groaning.] [Squirrelanoids screeching.] They'll crack our shells like nuts. Then we might as well go down in a blaze of glory. All: Hyaaaa! [bow staff whirring.] [Squirrelanoid screeching.] [steam hissing.] [Squirrelanoid screeching.] [grunting.] Zing! Zing! [grunts.] [Squirrelanoid screeching.] Hyah! [Squirrelanoid screeches.] [Squirrelanoid screeching.] D'oh! [Squirrelanoid screeching.] All right, Mikey, I'm in. How does the sole survivor beat the aliens? It was so awesome. He baited the alien into an air lock, and then he Ooh! Hyah! Hoo! - Did he just bail on us? - I think he's got a plan. [Squirrelanoid screeches.] Hyah! [grunting.] [Squirrelanoid screeching.] [smack!.] [smack!.] [sock!.] [smack!.] [grunts.] [Squirrelanoids screeching.] [sniffing.] Yoo-hoo, glow heads! [munching.] Mm Want some? [Squirrelanoids screeching.] Mikey has a plan! [screaming.] [panting frantically.] [Squirrelanoids screeching.] [chuckles nervously.] Uh, come and get it! [Squirrelanoid screeches.] [splashing.] [water whooshing.] [Squirrelanoid screeching.] Booyakasha! [tongue whipping.] Aaaah! Aaah! [splashing.] [grunting.] - I gotcha! - We all do! [Squirrelanoid screeching.] [grunts.] [splashing.] [Squirrelanoid screeching.] [all sigh.] Phew! The septic tanks down below should hold those creeps. At least until I can figure out a retro-mutagen to turn 'em back. I'm glad you didn't get flushed, little brother. You and me both, bro. I hate to admit it, but it looks like all of Mikey's comic book reading paid off. And that was pretty clever to realize that Squirrelanoids were attracted to the scent of food. Actually, that was pretty obvious. I can't believe I didn't think of it. Not everyone can be the brains of the outfit. [slurps.] And have any of you considered, what if one of those creatures manages to escape? No worries, sensei. Those giant nut-loving freaks are gone for good. Um, actually a bunch of sequel comics came out. The aliens come back. [whistling.] Hmm. Popcorn. [chomping.] Not bad. Little chewie. [Squirrelanoid screeching.

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