Shell Shock

[At school, the bell rings and Mrs. Johnson walks in carrying bags] Mrs. Johnson: "Happy Monday, class! It's the moment you've been waiting for." Rusty: [holds up his lunchbox] "Lunch?" Mrs. Johnson: "No, Rusty." [reveals cartons of eggs in her bags] "The fifth grade Egg Baby Challenge!" [Everyone except Rusty cheers] Rusty: [disappointed] "Aw, man!" Mrs. Johnson: "You'll work in pairs to look after an egg baby for a week. Now class, if your egg cracks or breaks, you fail. But if you can keep your egg safe for the whole week, you pass and get a special waffle breakfast!" [pulls down a poster of her riding a mechanical bull, much to the confusion of her students and notices] "Whoops! Heh heh. Wrong picture." [shows the right picture] Students: [with waffles in their eyes] "Ooh!" [Lincoln and Clyde walk over to Mrs. Johnson's desk] Lincoln and Clyde: "Clincoln McCloud reporting for parenting duty!" Lincoln: "And waffles." Mrs. Johnson: "No no no. I'll be choosing the pairs. The whole point is to work with someone you don't know so you can learn about each other through caring for the egg." [The boys look upset that they won't be paired up and Mrs. Johnson gets out a bingo ball mixer with her students' names written in] Mrs. Johnson: [spinning] "So, Clyde, you'll be working with..." [draws name] "...Penelope." [Penelope smiles, takes the egg, and walks up to her partner] Clyde: "Hey, Penelope." Penelope: "Hey, Clyde." Clyde: [looking at his egg in admiration] "I promise to be the best egg dad I can." Mrs. Johnson: [spinning] "And Lincoln, you'll be working with..." [draws name] "...Ronnie Anne." Lincoln: [concerned; to the viewers] "Oh, no. Not Ronnie Anne. I can't be paired with Ronnie Anne. She's, well, Ronnie Anne. And she's not exactly the careful, nurturing type." ''[Flashback to some of the times Ronnie Anne is shown to be a little reckless. First, she puts a sloppy Joe down his pants, much to his disgust and her delight. Then, the boys are playing volleyball in gym class]'' Clyde: "I'll set you up!" ''[Ronnie Anne leaps off of Lincoln and spikes the ball at Rusty. Finally, she walks by listening to music and knocks Clyde and Lincoln aside without noticing them. End flashbacks. Lincoln shivers with concern]'' Ronnie Anne: [running up to her partner] "You ready to do this, partner?" [body slams him across the room] ''[Mrs. Johnson gets out their egg and Lincoln takes it before Ronnie Anne can]'' Lincoln: "Why don't I just take that?" [Rusty is wearing a bib and has a plate and salt and pepper shakers on his desk] Rusty: [raising his hand] "Mrs. Johnson, question! Do you recommend hard or soft boiling?"

[Clyde and Penelope are looking after their egg] Clyde: "So, what should we call her? Any family names you'd like to honor?" Penelope: "I was thinking we could combine our names. Clyde and Penelope make..." Clyde: "Calliope!" Penelope: [gasps] "Perfect!" [Lincoln is keeping his egg safe from his partner who is trying to check on it] Ronnie Anne: "Ro-shell? You want our egg baby's name to be a joke?" Lincoln: "How is "Toby" any better? This egg doesn't look like a Toby." Ronnie Anne: "Well, if you'd let me see it, maybe I'd know what it does look like." [tries to get the egg] Mrs. Johnson: "Okay, everyone, time for gym." Ronnie Anne: "Ooh! I'll watch Toby." [Lincoln suddenly imagines her doing all kinds of terrible things to the egg in gym, like tossing her like a shot put, playing golf with it as the ball, and pinning it down in wrestling] Lincoln: "No way! I mean, I don't mind keeping an eye on her."

[Later, in the cafeteria] Rusty: [with his meal; relieved] "Lunch. Finally." [Enter Ronnie Anne] Ronnie Anne: "Hey, partner." [her partner flinches] "Maybe I should take care of Toby during lunch...since I haven't gotten to all day." [Lincoln then imagines her putting the egg in the trash, stuffing it in Chandler's pants, and suggesting to use it in a...] Ronnie Anne: "FOOD FIGHT!!!" [tosses it] [Back to reality] Lincoln: "Sorry, but I, uh..." [notices Lisa nearby] "...promised Aunt Lisa I'd bring her niece by for a visit. You know how relatives are." [rushes over to Lisa's table] Ronnie Anne: "Ugh!" [walks over to Clyde and Penelope's table and slams her lunch down on it] Penelope: [gasps; to Calliope] "Aw, did the loud girl wake you? Shh." [puts Calliope in a booster seat] Clyde: [opens up baby food] "Okay, Calliope, you've got your choice over organic beet mash, stewed apricots, or gluten-free rice meal." [beat] "Organic beet mash. Good choice." Penelope: [to Ronnie Anne] "Did you know Clyde spent a summer at chef camp?" Clyde: "Here comes the airplane!" ''[Ronnie Anne sighs. Cut to Lisa]'' Lisa: "So, let me get this straight, Lincoln." [sees Lincoln struggling with the rowdy kindergarteners at the table] "Your plan for keeping the egg safe from Ronnie Anne is to surround it with a pack of half-savage five-year-olds?" [Some of the kids want to play with the egg] Lincoln: "Whoa! Back, you animals!" [yelps as he struggles] Lisa: [sarcastically] "Oh, you're gonna make a great dad." [sips her drink]

[Later in art class] Art Teacher: "Smocks on, everyone!" Lincoln: "See, Rochelle, your mom loves you. It's just safer if she loves you from a distance." Rusty: "At least you have a mom. My partner took one look at me and decided to take an F. Her loss." [Ronnie Anne comes into the room much to Lincoln's shock and he ducks into the closet] Ronnie Anne: "Has anyone seen Lincoln? I wanted to take our egg to shop class." [Lincoln then imagines her sawing the egg, hammering it, and pressing it] Lincoln: "Phew." Ronnie Anne: "Well, if anybody does see him, tell him I'm taking Toby home with me after school. No more excuses." [leaves] ''[Lincoln frets over what to do and sees some rubber cement. The door then opens up revealing Clyde, Penelope and Calliope]'' Penelope: "Oh. Sorry, Lincoln. We were just looking for a quiet place to put Calliope down for a nap."

[Later] Lincoln: [working on something] "A little rubber cement and some paint..." [adds the finishing touches] "...and voila!" [reveals a duplicate egg] "Now you've got yourself an unbreakable rubber twin." ''[He bounces the fake egg to test it and the bell rings. Ronnie Anne comes in and the moment he sees her, he hides the egg in his smock and winks to the viewers]'' Lincoln: "Ronnie Anne! There you are. Rochelle really needs some quality time with her mom." [gives her the egg] Ronnie Anne: [confused] "Really? But I thought..." [Lincoln starts sweating nervously] "Well...thanks." [Lincoln's sweating stops and she heads home and takes out his baby] Lincoln: "It's not right to lie unless it's to protect someone you love." [puts it back] "Lisa's right. I am a great dad!"

''[The Loud House. Lincoln is having a sandwich in the kitchen and puts his egg in a cup]'' Lincoln: "There you go, Rochelle." [Just as he's about to take a bite out of his sandwich, a thud is heard and reveals to be coming from the twins playing a game that involves not stepping on the floor at all] Lana: "Lola, watch out! The floor is lava!" [bounces off the doorway and lands on a stool] Lola: [leaps onto the waste basket and lands on the stove] "And she sticks the landing!" [Lana flips and lands on the table, sending Rochelle into the air] Lincoln: [in slow-motion] "NOOOOOOO!!!" [As Lincoln makes the dive for it, he misses, but the egg starts bouncing around] Lincoln: "What the-oh, it's just the fake egg." [gasps in realizing horror] "WHICH MEANS I GAVE THE REAL ONE TO RONNIE ANNE!" [suddenly imagines her bringing the egg home, putting it in her backpack and smashing it, pushing it down the stairs on her skateboard, and using its yolk as an ingredient] "NOOOOOOOO!!!" [Lola is in a bucket and rowing with a mop and Lana is on a chair] Lola: "We warned him the floor was lava." [Lincoln just looks at her annoyed]

[Lincoln is cycling to Ronnie Anne's house while calling Clyde] Lincoln: "Come in, Clyde! I've got a code beige!" Clyde: [pampering Calliope] "You made a fake egg to give to Ronnie Anne, but accidentally gave her the real one instead?" Lincoln: [impressed] "Wow. Way to stay up to date on the codes. Anyway, I need your help. Can you be a decoy while I rescue Rochelle?" Clyde: "Sorry, Lincoln. but I'm watching Calliope while Penelope's at her banjo lesson. I can't get a sitter on such short notice." Lincoln: "Boy, this father hood thing is tough, huh?" Clyde: "Tough, but rewarding." ''[Lincoln arrives at the Santiago's address, walks up to the door, takes a deep breath and knocks. Ronnie Anne answers]'' Ronnie Anne: [surprised] "Lincoln? What are you doing here?" Lincoln: [nervous] "I, uh, missed Rochelle, so I thought I'd stop by and say hi." Ronnie Anne: "But you had her-I mean, him all day!" Lincoln: "I know. We bonded. That's probably why I miss him-Ugh! I mean, her so much." [Ronnie Anne sighs and lets him in] Ronnie Anne: "You comin'?" [She shows him Rochelle/Toby in the kitchen, resting on a boxer of shredded paper, much to Lincoln's relief] Lincoln: "Whew." Ronnie Anne: "Alright, you've got 10 minutes with the egg. I have some stuff to do anyway." [They both go off in different directions] Lincoln: [to Rochelle/Toby] "I'm so glad you're okay. Don't worry. Daddy's here." [He gets out the fake egg to make the swap, but just before he can...] Ronnie Anne: [from the other room] "Lincoln!" [The sudden call from her causes the fake egg to leave Lincoln's grasp and bounce around] Ronnie Anne: "Bobby and my mom are coming home soon, so wrap it up!" ''[The fake egg bounces under the fridge. Lincoln tries to get it out with the push broom, but Bobby comes into the house screaming]'' Bobby: [in pain and off-screen] "AAH! AAH! EMERGENCY! SIS, YOU HOME?!" [Lincoln gets the fake egg and makes the swap] Bobby: [still yelping and holding his finger] "WORKPLACE INJURY! WORKPLACE INJURY! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!" Ronnie Anne: [next to her brother] "I'm here, I'm here. Let me take a look." [looks at his finger] "Oh, it's just a little splinter." [tweezes it out] "See? I got it. All better." Bobby: [relieved] "Aw, thanks, Nie Nie." [hugs her] "I can always count on you." [Ronnie Anne notices Lincoln watching and breaks the hug] Ronnie Anne: "Okay, okay, okay. You'd better get ready for work. You're gonna be late. I did a load of your work shirts." [shows them nice and clean] "There was some pretzel cheese on your mall cop one, but I got it out." [gives it to him] Bobby: "You're like some kind of wizard." Ronnie Anne: "Now, hurry, Bobby. You're gonna be late." Mrs. Santiago: "Ronalda! Roberto! I'm home! [enters the kitchen in her nurse outfit] "Oh, hi, Lincoln. Nice to see you." Lincoln: "You, too, Mrs. Santiago." Ronnie Anne: "Hey, Mom. Wash up. Dinner's in five." Mrs. Santiago: [surprised] "You made dinner?" Ronnie Anne: "Yeah. I figured after two shifts, it'd be the last thing you wanted to do." Mrs. Santiago: [laughs and pats her head] "Oh, how did I get so lucky with you?" Ronnie Anne: "Mom, you're embarrassing me." [Her mom laughs and walks off. Bobby comes running out in his lifeguard outfit with his balance board] Bobby: "Off to save some lives!" [leaves] Ronnie Anne: [with his pizza boy shirt] "Bobby, the pool closed in September! You're delivering pizzas tonight!" [goes after him] [Seeing he's alone, Lincoln suddenly realizes something] Lincoln: "You know what, Rochelle? I think I had your mom all wrong." [takes the fake egg back and puts Rochelle back] "Why don't you stay here tonight?" [As he's about to leave, Ronnie Anne comes in with the mail and they bump into each other, causing the fake egg to bounce] Ronnie Anne: "Toby!" [chases after him but then sees something unusual] "Uh...why is he bouncing?" Lincoln: [nervous] "Uh...because he's a bouncing baby boy?" Ronnie Anne: [sees Rochelle/Toby on the box nest] "Wait. What's this? Lincoln, what's going on here?" Lincoln: "I can explain. See, I gave you a fake egg." Ronnie Anne: "Why would you do that?" Lincoln: "Because you're, well, Ronnie Anne." Ronnie Anne: "What's that supposed to mean?" Lincoln: "Well, I thought you couldn't be trusted with the real one because you're not exactly the most careful and nurturing type, but-" Ronnie Anne: [furiously interrupts] "So, that's what you think of me? That I'm such a monster that I can't be left alone with an egg?" Lincoln: [backing up nervously] "No no no. When I saw you with your family, I realized I had you all wrong, and-" [hits the table] "Oof!" [The crash causes Rochelle/Toby to fly up into the air and shatter on the floor, thus ruining their project] Ronnie Anne: "I guess none of that matters anymore. Thanks a lot, Lincoln. Now we're gonna fail." Lincoln: [apologetically stammering] "Ronnie Anne, I...I..." Ronnie Anne: [livid] "Just get out of my house!" [Lincoln complies]

[Down the street, a downtrodden Lincoln passes by Clyde, Penelope, and Calliope] Clyde: "Hey, Lincoln. Penelope and I wanted to arrange a play date for our eggs." Penelope: "It's important to socialize at an early age." Lincoln: "Well, I'm afraid Rochelle is..." [makes cartoony falling and cracking sound effects and gestures to explain Rochelle/Toby is no more] [Penelope and Clyde gasp and Clyde consoles Calliope from hearing that] Penelope: "Lincoln, please!" Clyde: "I'm sorry, buddy. I'm sure it wasn't easy working with Ronnie Anne." Lincoln: "Actually, I think it wasn't easy for her to work with me." [gets an idea] "That gives me an idea! Gotta run!" [cycles off] Penelope: "I know he's your best friend, Clyde, but I don't want him as Calliope's godfather."

''[The next day, Lincoln sneaks a basket onto the Santiago's doorstep, rings the bell, and hides in a bush. Ronnie Anne answers and spots the basket with a note attached]'' Ronnie Anne: [reading the note] "Please take care of me. Signed, Toby Rochelle II." [spots Lincoln] "I know you're there, weirdo." Lincoln: [pops out] Oh, uh...hi." Ronnie Anne: "What's with the egg? We're done. We failed." Lincoln: "Well, after I left your house yesterday, I went to talk to Mrs. Johnson." [Flashback to him talking to his teacher] Lincoln: "So, it was my fault the egg broke. I thought I knew who Ronnie Anne was, but it turns out I didn't know anything about her. She's really responsible and caring, and she deserves a second chance." [Lincoln droops his head in sorrow and Mrs. Johnson thinks about it for a second] Mrs. Johnson: "All right, Lincoln, I'll give her another shot." Lincoln: [relieved] "That's awesome! Thanks, Mrs. Johnson." Mrs. Johnson: "And you, too." Lincoln: [surprised] "Really?" Mrs. Johnson: "I think you just figured out what this assignment is all about." [Lincoln smiles. End flashback] Lincoln: "She didn't let me off the hook completely. I don't get the waffle breakfast, but that's okay, because all I care about now is putting our family back together." Ronnie Anne: [touched] "Thanks, Lincoln. I appreciate it." [nudges him] Lincoln: "Ow!" Ronnie Anne: "But don't get too mushy on me. Hey, I can make you waffles. Bobby and I were just about to have breakfast." [Lincoln gets waffles in his eyes in excitement and they go into the kitchen where Bobby is texting] Bobby: [noticing Lincoln] "Hey, little Loud." Ronnie Anne: "I'm glad you brought this..." [holds the egg up to the batter; maliciously] "...'cause I needed an extra egg." Lincoln: [horrified] "RONNIE ANNE! NO!" [Unfortunately, Ronnie Anne smashes the egg and drops the yolk into the batter. But she then reveals the real Toby Rochelle II in her pocket] Ronnie Anne: "Gotcha! You're not the only one who can pull an egg swap, partner." [She and Bobby laugh, and Lincoln uncomfortably joins in still in shock from that prank and calms down] Lincoln: "Whew."