Gay Purr-ee

(Screen shows Warner Bros Pictures.

Narrator: Ah, my friends. This is Paris. Gay, beautiful, wonderful, magnificent Paris. Paris. The tender mother of romance, of love, of amor. But not all the love stories of France begin in Paris. No, no, no. There was one, for example, a quite unusual one that began in the hot... ...sun-drenched region in the south of France... ...in the province known as Provence. The time is around the turn of the century. You call it the Gay Nineties, no? But that is beside the point. This is the story of a little female citizen of France... ...who is as beautiful and as innocent as her name. And her name is Mewsette. No last name. Just Mewsette.


 * [Jean Tom and Robespierre are on a ship bound for Alaska]
 * Robespierre: It's all right, Jean Tom. We'll get back all right.
 * Jean Tom: Oh, it's such a big ocean, Robespierre. Bigger than all of France. Bigger than the whole world.
 * Robespierre: But you haven't given up hope yet.
 * Jean Tom: I have now.
 * [it starts raining]
 * Jean Tom: It's too big, Robespierre. We'll never get back to find Mewsette.
 * Robespierre: It's not as big as you think, Jean Tom.
 * [noticing the rain]
 * Robespierre: Why, it's just made little drops. It's all how you look at it.


 * Meowrice: Boys, if you ever marry, marry for love... of money.


 * Robespierre: [barely wakes up] Good morning, Jean Tom. Nighty night. [falls asleep]


 * Jeanette: [to her sister] But darling, think of Paris! Lovely, gay Paris! Have you forgotten the sidewalk cafés and how we sipped champagne?
 * Mewsette: Champagne? That must be what they call catnip in Paris. How nice!
 * Jeanette: ...the button champignons sautéed in butter with tiny shreds of herbs...
 * Mewsette: I know what they are - mushrooms! And delicious, too!
 * Jeanette: And oh, my dear, the Champs-Elysées!
 * Mewsette: Champs-Elysées? I wonder what they taste like.


 * Meowrice: [singing] When teacher can't teach you, and preacher can't preach you, when agents can't reach you... the money cat can! The money cat knows where the money tree grows!


 * Bartender: What'll ya have?
 * Jean Tom: Er, uh... milk.
 * Bartender: Uh... milk?
 * Robespierre: No, no, no! C'mon Jean Tom, let's live it up! STRAIGHT CREAM!
 * Meowrice: No, no, no, Robespierre. Here we have a little something called champagne.


 * Robespierre: Jean Tom, do we have to keep doing this? I think we should stop. We could get killed on this track!
 * Jean Tom: But I'm not going to stop until I find Mewsette.
 * Robespierre: Fine. You look for Mewsette. I'm gonna look for trains.


 * Robespierre: Mewsette's gone.
 * Jean Tom: What do you mean Mewsette's gone?
 * Robespierre: She just got on a carriage.
 * Jean Tom: Carriage? What carriage?
 * Robespierre: The one that took her to Paris.
 * Jean Tom: Why did she go to Paris?
 * Robespierre: All felines go to Paris, I guess.


 * Meowrice: [after his henchcats run into a bulldog while chasing Mewsette] Get rid of that dog, you bumbling idiots!
 * Bulldog: Your whiskers tickle cats, and since I can't stand to be tickled by no cats I'm going to tear your tails off and have 'em for breakfast.
 * Meowrice: [Pleading with him] I understand you're feelings, sir, nothing like cats tails for breakfast
 * [Motioning towards Mewsette]
 * Meowrice: but back there among those barrels is a...
 * [the bulldog growls at him and chases him and the henchcats]
 * Meowrice: Please let's talk this over.


 * Meowrice: [eats some sardines from a can] Canned fish, what will they think of next? Everything is packaged these days, even pretty girls hmm?
 * [turns towards Mewsette who is locked in a basket crying]


 * Meowrice: As they say, evil is the root of all money... money trees, that is! Big, green money trees!


 * Robespierre: Why don't you go to Paris? Then you can drink "sham-pahg-nee" and eat "sham-pig-nons" and "champs ulysses"...


 * Meowrice: [Showing Mewsette a picture] His name is Henry Pfft of Pittsburgh Pennsylvania U.S.A.
 * Mewsette: [Looks at the picture with disgust] You mean you want me to marry this... this fat old...
 * Meowrice: [Interrupting her] You are as bright as you are pretty my dear, so please get into the basket like a good little bride to be.
 * [His henchcats show her the basket]
 * Mewsette: [Frightened] Who are they?
 * Meowrice: They are my business associates Cheri, just get into the basket and you won't have to look at them anymore.
 * Mewsette: In the basket? No, oh no!
 * Meowrice: [Mocking her] Yes, oh yes!, you are going to Pittsburgh to marry that rich American, isn't that what you wanted? Isn't that why you left the farm?
 * Mewsette: Yes, I mean no-- [Crying]
 * Mewsette: I just, I just want Juane Tom. [Continues crying]
 * Meowrice: Juane Tom? The world's greatest mouser? [laughs]
 * Meowrice: Juane Tom is probably in Alaska about now
 * Mewsette: He is not, you're lying, just like you did about everything else!
 * Meowrice: [Coming towards her] Call it a weakness, now get into the basket!
 * Mewsette: No I won't, I'm not going to marry anybody!
 * [Runs away]


 * Meowrice: [His henchcats catch Mewsette in a sack after she tries to jump off a bridge] Nice fielding, team. Come along, we'll take the scenic route home.