Mr. Tipton Comes To Visit

Norman, your hat is askew. Get all of that, please. Oh, Irene, those flowers are crooked. Arwin Ahh Ah-pheww! Oh. Sorry. Would you just stop? Madeline. Oh, smile. Heh. Bigger. Bigger! It's starting to hurt. Hey, what's goin' on? Can't talk. Too busy smiling. Freeze. [Snaps fingers] Not you, arwin. Pheww! Ohh. Thank you. Mr. tipton is coming for an inspection, and I need you two to be somewhere. Where's that? A little place I like to call anywhere but here. Why do you think we're always gonna mess things up? I don't think. I know. Remember your first day, or as I like to call it, "the end of happiness"? Yo, yo. Guys, over here. Cool. Look at this place. You wanna tell drew not to invite any more of his friends over? No. It's ok. Y-you can do it. Wow. Cool. All right, first one to the game room gets free foosball all afternoon. [Cheering] Oh, my-- ohh! Whoa! Ohh! Oh! [Yelling] Ohh! For the love of-- get down! Don't-- no! Ahh! Watch the vase! Oh, watch the ladd-- oh, watch out for the guests. Ohh! For crying-- the vase! I am ok. Ok, we'll stay out of your way. But it would be nice if you showed a little faith in us every once in a while. Oh! Oh, here we go. [Staff yelling] Watch the vase! Not the vase! Don't touch the vase! You want the vase?! No, arwin! Hold on! I'll get it for you! No! Arwin, no! Here you go. See? No one got hurt. Here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life Emerald, sapphire, diamond, Ruby, gold-- ucch! How did that get in there? [Knock on door] Come in. [Gasps] Hi, moseby. Say hi to Ruby and pearl. Hi, Ruby. Hi, pearl. London, I was wondering do you happen to know what mood your father might be in? Why do you care what mood daddy's in? Eh, as a loyal employee, naturally I care about your father's happiness. London, is it true that if your dad's in a good mood, someone gets a bonus?! So that's why you wanted to know what mood daddy's in. No. I knew nothing of this $50,000 bonus. Aha! I never said how much it was. Lucky guess? Look, I deserve the bonus, which is why you should show your dad this picture of me saving the ambassador. People flocked to the hotel after that. Ah, here they are. Miss London, Mr. ambassador, welcome to the tipton. I hope you enjoy our Moroccan decor. Ah. [Middle eastern music playing] What happened to the professional belly dancer? Bellyache? London: But she's awful. Oh! Patrick I need an ice tea with a slice of lime and a sprig of mint. And by the way, the ambassador's either choking or playing charades. Patrick: Oh, dear! Ohh! Ok Eww. So you made a guy throw up. You do that on all your dates. And there's also the time I saved the hotel from being sued by a con man. Olga is the best. She has the gentlest touch. I fix boo-boo now! Um, uh, yeah. You know, I--I think my boo-boo just needs a little rest. You know what you know about boo-boos? Bubkes! You know bubkes about boo-boos. I know boo-boos. Now, on count of 3, we flip him like blini. W-w-wait. Wait. Whoa! Time for hot rocks! [Boiling] Relax your muscles! [Sizzles] Aah! No! Daddy! Aah! Holly! Pumpkin, are you all right? I think so. Uhh. It looks like you have made a remarkable recovery, Mr. o'Neil. It's a miracle! That physical therapist is amazing. Maddie? Da. Ja. I mean, yes. Ok, and let's face it. If I didn't baby-sit the twins, who knows what would have happened to this hotel? Whoa. Where is he? I'll never rat him out, not in a million years. Not in a billio-- he's in the air-conditioning duct on the way to the wedding to get the picture of the $20,000 kiss. [Growls] Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow Yes, you're marvelous with children, like the time you abandoned the day-care center and let the monsters run amuck. [Screaming] Freeze! Sit! Let's face it. There's only one thing that keeps this hotel from falling apart. Giant magnets in the basement? No. I meant me. Look out! I can't stop! Ohh! What is going on? If it's not one thing, it's-- mama! Ahh. [Sighs] Not bad. [Gasps] But you didn't get on the cover of a magazine. Hmm. Well, you can't get an employee bonus if I fire you first. I love when poor people fight. I'm takin' the skinny blonde in the third round. Oh! Hey, mom, have you heard? Mr. tipton is coming, and he's going to give somebody a bonus. Really? [Bang] Ow! Wow! That pipe's really taken a beating. We want you to get the bonus, mom. Aww. So you could spend it on us. Oh. Carey, if anyone deserves a bonus, it's you. When you sing, the birds fling themselves to the ground. Probably out of jealousy. Well, if I do say so myself, tipton wouldn't have the great commercial if it weren't for me. Welcome to the tipton where everything is sweet try joining us for dinner may we offer you a seat? next time, stay at the tipton the tipton puts you on top when you stay at the tipton the good times, they never stop because you're the star when you travel far the food is always gourmet at the tipton it's your place to stay we're livin' large at the tipton the tipton's our place to play room service, movies, and ice cream in Paris, New York, or Bombay hang your hat by our welcome mat we want you to have it your way at the tipton at the tipton at the tipton your place to stay and bring the family the tipton is your place to stay Check in. Hey! Ah, Zack, Cody, arwin. Good. You're all here. Now, don't be alarmed. I'm just gonna glue your door shut. Just until Mr. tipton leaves and I get my bonus. Hey, I deserve that bonus. Yeah, and if she doesn't get it, I deserve it. I've done a lot to help out this hotel. Remember my remote-control luggage cart? Oh. Heh. Arwin, it works. Yes. It does! And it can go faster. No. Please don't make it go faster. Too late. Ah, there she goes. And then I bring it to a gentle stop. [Whirring] Arwin, it's not stopping. Or not. Um, it's just-- it's got a little-- arwin, it's moving. Ok. Hold on. It's moving. Just give me a chance. It's coming around. The right switch at the right time-- [yelling] You just can't-- what--what--ah. When I stop it, I get a turn, ok? That cart wreaked havoc in my lobby and then got a speeding ticket. Yeah, but I've had a lot of other great ideas. It's a, uh, letter-sorting machine. It's got a microchip in it that reads each envelope and then promptly shoots it into the appropriate cubby. Oh, dear. Here we go. Ahem. arwin! Arwin. Arwin. Oh, no. It's moving. Why-- you've got-- we've gotta go How--how'd the-- [guests yelling] Aah! Don't worry, moseby! Hey, Mr. moseby, look! Airmail! That was brilliant. It was a disaster. I'm still picking stamps off of my shorts. Well, the good news is now you can mail them anywhere. That was a-- you got it. That was a good-- sorry. There was also, you know, the time that I helped the tipton win that bowling tournament. Ilsa: Aha! Ooh. Zhe deadly You can get zhe 7, or you can get zhe 10, but you cannot get zhem both! Ha ha! [Cheering] There's no pressure, arwin. Just the fact that you bowled makes you a winner. But if you miss this, we're all big, fat losers, so-- you, young lady, go stand back there. [Inspiring synthesizer music playing] [Normal speed] What are you doing? [Synthesizer music stops] It's just for dramatic effect. If you go slower, the tension builds and-- I'm gonna go again. [Deep breath] Yeah! Ahh! [Cheering] I can't believe he made that shot. I think I might pass out. Uh-oh. Arwin! That was awesome, arwin. [Cell phone rings] Marion moseby. [Snickers] Marion. [All snicker] [All quiet] Ah! He's here already?! Ok. Yeah. Yeah. Mr. tipton's helicopter just landed on the roof. [Helicopter] Ah! I see the rotors. Cool. Give him the welcome cake. Let's hope he's in a good mood. Oh, no. He's in a bad mood. Does this mean no one gets a bonus? Worse. It means someone is getting fired. Why are you guys lookin' at me? Because he can't fire them. Oh. Oh. [Elevator dings] Guys, we have a plan. Not now, boys. We're busy pacing. But this plan could save everybody-- we don't wanna hear it. But--but you guys-- what part of "zzzt" don't you understand? Maybe Mr. tipton is not in a bad mood. Maybe the cake was just the wrong flavor. Oh, don't be ridiculous. German chocolate cake is his favorite. Mmm, moseby's right. All 12 of daddy's wedding cakes have been that flavor. Who are you kidding? He's in a bad mood, and one of us is gettin' canned. Look, Carey, you're a fine singer, and I'm extremely fond of you, but let's face it. You raise Let's not forget the painting. Hike. All: Aah! Oh, no. It's broken. My half isn't broken. Moseby: Make up these 3 rooms posthaste. Think he noticed? Moseby: He noticed. It wasn't us. We were--we-- we were Framed! All right, but we've also done some good things for the hotel. Uh, remember when chef paolo quit and I had to cook that great meal for the restaurant critic? Needs salt. Needs pepper. This is terrible. It's dishwater. Needs soap. The critic insists on the seafood medley. [All gasp] No. Yes. All right, people, drop what you're doing. Mamma Mia, I didn't mean it literally. Please, Mr. critic, we all did the best that we could. Don't care. All I care about is the food, and since I didn't get any, I'd say-- holy mackerel, that's yummy. Oh, and don't forget the time we filled in for kumiko to save the convention. 3 little maids who all unwary come from a ladies seminary freed from its genius tutelary 3 little maids from school 3 little maids from school Ooh, I got one. Remember when we baked all those cookies for the hotel? Well, I don't remember eating any cookies, but I do remember wearing pie. Come back here and take this banana cream pie like a man. Oh, he wouldn't. He would. I love zhe twins. This pie throwing will stop this instant. Mr. moseby. Heh. Right after this. Oops. Ah heh. Ow! Whoo. Ahh. Aah! Well, it's not like we're the only ones who have had fights. Let's not forget your big brother. Aah! Ohh! Ohh! [Laughing] Oh, that's it. That--I got you. Aah! What do you think of this? Oh, no, no, no, no. He kicked me first. He started it. Ow! See? He did it again. Are you watching? Oh, I'm gonna get you. Gonna get ya. Oh, you better watch it. Huh? [Both shouting] Oh ho! Get off my back! [Panting] Gaah! He started it. And he kicked your butt even though he couldn't reach it. [Laughing] Sorry, sir. You've had your share of fights with London. That's not true. We're best friends. That's why my job is safe, right, London? That's right. Although we have had a few tiffs. [Gasps] Hey! You stole my look! Stole? I made your lousy look better. If it's so lousy, why'd you steal it? Because if they liked it on you, they'll love it on me. Besides, there are a lot of differences between our outfits, like the fact yours is made out of cheap fabric. [Gasps] See? Must be fake cotton, not the real stuff they get from goats. Well, the only thing that's fake is you. [Gasps] Oh, no, you di'n't. Oh, yes, I di'id. Give me that! No! It's mine! Uhh! I don't care. It's my hair. I paid for it. Ok, fine. Fashion tip--no one wears heels like this anymore. And no one's worn cuffs like these since the French revolution. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow This is terrible. We have to stop them. Not yet. Well, you wouldn't hold that against me, would you? After all, we were parents together. Don't you touch our baby. [Crying] He's a doll. You bet he is, and you're not touching a hair on his widdle head. He doesn't have any hair on his widdle head. Oh, your yelling is just making it worse. Oh, look, just give him to me. Give him to me. He wants his mommy. I'm his mommy, too. Well, I buy him nicer things. He likes me more. Well, he likes me more. I actually take care of him. You're hurting him. Oh, you're hurting him! Just let go! [All yell] [Crying] [Doll shorts out] Ok, so maybe I am getting fired. But at least I never broke the hotel. Have you adjusted your mirrors? All 3 of them. Ok. Now, are you familiar with the gear shift? You mean the prndl? Are you referring to the shift lever that says p-r-n-d-l? I'm not a child, moseby. I know how to spell prndl. It is not something you spell. It is a gear shift. The letters stand for park, reverse, neutral, drive, and low. You're making me nervous with all this technical talk. Oh, I'm sorry. Why don't we just relax? We'll turn on the radio. Would you like am or fm? We're probably in more danger here than he is there. Moseby: Forward, not reverse! [Crash] Oh, my goodness, are you ok? I'm not cleanin' that up. [Gasps] Oh, no. Daddy's gonna fire me! London, you don't work here. He's already done it? I can't believe daddy wants to fire me. London, calm down. You don't work. You never did work. You never have to work. Yay, me! So what are we all worried about? Moseby: Oh, Mr. tipton, you're looking great. Love the new bodyguard. Very slimming. Ooh! I love you, daddy! Air hug! Hey, Mr. tipton. Guy hug--ahh. Or not. Candy bar, sir? It's got nougat. Please don't fire me, sir. I'm a single mother who's trying to raise [All clamoring] Back off! I hate being crowded. Carey: Right. Everyone move back. Move back. He doesn't wanna be crow--[Gasps] I'm not cleanin' that up. Muriel, you're fired. Uh [Mouths word] Yes. Uh, but, sir-- oh, Muriel, we'll miss you so much. But she doesn't even work he-- oh. Don't you remember, chowderhead? I retired 2 years ago. Then what are you doing here? That was the plan we were trying to tell you guys about. While mom was cleaning cake off of arwin, we called Muriel. We figured if somebody should get fired, it shouldn't be someone who worked here. Oh. Ohh. My brilliant boys. Celebrate on your own time. Where's my 20 bucks? Oh, but allow me, young wildebeests. Ah. You--if you have change for a hundred. No. Whoa. Taxi!