Malcolm Holds His Tongue


 * Reese: Craig! You are ruining our date!
 * Craig: (slams on the brakes and looks back at Reese & Alison) Now listen here! Do you know how long I have dreamed and planned for this night? 34 YEARS AND I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU LITTLE BRATS RUIN IT!!! We're gonna have a hayride, dinner, and a bonfire and it will be a magical evening that will live in our hearts FOREVER!!!
 * Alison: What's that on your glasses?
 * Craig: (takes his glasses off) What?
 * [Alison pepper sprays him with a can of mace.]
 * Craig: Ahhhhhh!!!!! Reese, you said she would be nice to me. You said she'd like me!!!!
 * [Alison looks at Reese shock and unfastens her seatbelt to get our of the car.]
 * Reese: Yeah, let's ditch this loser.
 * [Alison positions the mace can on Reese too, implying that she will spray him next if he doesn't let her go her own way. Reese smiles nervously.]
 * Reese: Okay, see you in school.
 * [Alison slams the door and leaves to attend the concert alone, while Reese is forced to spend the rest of his evening with Craig.]


 * [At the beach in the final scene, Craig's vision in his eyes have returned abeit that the outer parts remain red from being sprayed with mace by Alison.]
 * Craig: This is great, isn't it? Alison's nice, but I have to say I think a date's better with just two people.
 * Reese: Can we stop calling this a date?
 * Craig: Well, whatever it is, I can't wait to see the look on my neighbor's face when I come strolling home past eleven. Eat your heart out, Mrs. Clevasol.
 * Reese: I think I missed my curfew.
 * Craig: There are no curfews on a night like tonight.
 * [He grabs a ukelele and starts singing a song by Air Supply while a pissed off Reese continues toasting marshmellows.]