The Fraud

Principal's Office 1

 * Can you please explain why your clothes are painted on?
 * Well, you see, Principal Brown, the thing is...
 * Okay, Nicole said I needed to use a quarter cup of washing liquid and a half cup of softener. And set it for exactly one hour and two minutes. Wait three seconds... and go!
 * Did you just put the clothes in the dishwasher?
 * Yeah.
 * Then what did you do with the dishes?
 * Let just say we like to dress sharp, but not that sharp.
 * We thought no one would notice. What gave it away? Did we mess up the back part?
 * [Gumball turns around revealing they have not done anything in the back part]
 * No, it was the PIXELATED PART! Surely, you must realize you can't walk around in public looking like you feel asleep at an art student's party! Do I really need to add another Watterson amendment to the school's rule book?!
 * But what's the difference? Sure, the clothes are fake, but they're just as good as the real ones.
 * Let me make this clear for you. If you wear fake clothes, you're NAKED, which is bad! If you pay with fake money, you're A CROOK, which is bad! If you eat fake meat, you're A VEGETARIAN! Which I... Guess is not that bad, just a bit boring. I mean, it's good for the animals, I guess, but they always have a smug, superior attitude, and for some reason, the men are always topless and playing bongos in the park. That and the sandals just makes me want to eat raw liver.
 * [camera shows the diploma on the wall which appears to be painted on with a banana sticker instead of a seal]
 * What if you have a fake diploma?
 * Well, then you're a--
 * A principal, Principal Brown?
 * Uh, what gave it away?
 * I don't know. Maybe the fact you painted it directly onto the wall or probably because you used a banana sticker as a seal of authenticity.
 * Wait, so do you have a diploma or not?
 * Kids, I am a principal, and you need a diploma to be a principal.
 * Is that a yes or a no?
 * It is.
 * and : OH MY GOSH, YOU'RE A FRAUD!
 * All right, you got me, but I have one more trick up my sleeve. PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE, PLEASE! HAVE SOME PITY ON ME, PLEASE!
 * Don't worry, Principal Brown. We wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you.
 * [menacingly] Oh I see. It's gonna be like that, is it?
 * Yeah, it's gonna be like that.
 * Oh I get it.
 * Uh, do you? 'Cause it doesn't seem like you do.
 * [principal brown faces gumball and sticks out his nose]
 * I got the message.
 * Riiight...
 * I'm still not sure he understood.
 * Yeah, me neither, but that seemed like it was gonna go on forever.
 * O-okay, so, what do you want? Just name it. Anything, anything! Uh, do you want me to bump your grades? I can do that! I can bump your grades! I can do that!
 * Uh, no thanks. We'd be forced to maintain that kind of standard forever. I think it's best if we stay in our comfort zone.
 * Just above fail.
 * Uh, what about sick notes?! I can fix you up!
 * Uh, t-thanks, but I don't think I'd feel good about everyone believing i've got mange.
 * You're making this tough.
 * [he rips open the front part of his fur, revealing a jacket of sorts full of hall passes]
 * Ugh!
 * What about hall passes?
 * Doesn't that hurt?
 * Yes, every time.
 * I... think we're gonna pass on the passes. Please cover up.
 * I see. [sticks his fur back on] Ah, then i've got just what you need. Behold the chest of confiscated treasures. You may pick anything you like. These fireworks are illegal, even in Russia.
 * Seems like a lot of this stuff should require a license.
 * Who buys stuff like this?
 * People with fingers to spare.
 * But as you can see, I don't.
 * Thanks, but no thanks.
 * No, no, no, no, wait! I-I've got bottle rockets, cherry bombs, and this big one! I-I don't even know what it does!
 * They can't be bought, They're bound to denounce me. I need to find another angle!
 * People with fingers to spare.
 * But as you can see, I don't.
 * Thanks, but no thanks.
 * No, no, no, no, wait! I-I've got bottle rockets, cherry bombs, and this big one! I-I don't even know what it does!
 * They can't be bought, They're bound to denounce me. I need to find another angle!
 * They can't be bought, They're bound to denounce me. I need to find another angle!
 * They can't be bought, They're bound to denounce me. I need to find another angle!

Cafeteria

 * Dude, check this out!
 * That's right, baby!
 * It would've been more impressive if you succeeded the first time.
 * [ceiling is shown, covered in peas. all students are annoyed at being covered]
 * Hmph!
 * [principal brown comes in the cafeteria, dressed in a hip-hop outfit and bling]
 * Swag! Rap music!
 * What the what?!
 * Piercings! YOLO! Hashtag! MP3! Tweets! Selfies! Skinny jeans! L-O-
 * I'm sorry, Principal Brown, but you look like such a jerk that even a granola-crunching pacifist like me had to something about it.
 * Fair enough.
 * [principal brown climbs up to Gumball and Darwin's table]
 * What are you doing, Principal Brown?
 * Well, I thought if I was cool and became your friend, you wouldn't tell anyone.
 * Okay. Well, it's a bit weird, but, yeah, I guess we could be friends if it makes you feel better.
 * That is so refrigerated! You guys are riddled with disease! We should very much be suspended in an exterior environtment.
 * Did you mean to tell us that that's cool, we're sick, and we should totally hang out together?
 * For sure! Uh, izzle.
 * Did you mean to tell us that that's cool, we're sick, and we should totally hang out together?
 * For sure! Uh, izzle.

Watterson's House

 * So, now we're friends. Do you want to share some girl stories?
 * AWKWARD, AWKWARD, AWKWARD!
 * YEP, YEP, YEP!
 * Okay, I'll go first. I must say, things are going pretty well with me and Miss Simian.
 * Oh, come now. Just because you're students and I'm your principal, it doesn't mean we can't share a few - AAAND I finally heard myself out loud. Goodbye.
 * It's okay! I landed in a dumpster!
 * Oh, come now. Just because you're students and I'm your principal, it doesn't mean we can't share a few - AAAND I finally heard myself out loud. Goodbye.
 * It's okay! I landed in a dumpster!
 * It's okay! I landed in a dumpster!
 * It's okay! I landed in a dumpster!

School Hallway

 * [Gumball finds a note in his locker from principal brown]
 * : "Please don't tell". Uh, he attached twenty dollars. How cheap does he think we are?
 * No, you can't even remember what he doesn't want us to talk about!
 * If money isn't enough to stop you revealing I don't have a diploma...
 * I've got a little dirt of my own. What if this were to go public?
 * [shows a picture of Gumball and Darwin in goth cloths]
 * Look Principal Brown, first, that was a phase, and secondly, we've felt ashamed so many times in life that I think we're now incapable of feeling it, as in chemically.
 * The doctor says we've run out of shame-osterone. Let me show you. [opens up Gumball's head] As you can see, the brain is composed of many sections dedicated to emotion. Here is anger. Here is sadness. This here... We just don't know. And finally, this is the shame gland. As you can see, It's pretty dried out.
 * Dude, could you put me back together, please?
 * Sure. How's that?
 * Thanks. That's much better.
 * Gumball and Darwin Watterson, please report to the Principal's office.
 * What does he want now?
 * Sure. How's that?
 * Thanks. That's much better.
 * Gumball and Darwin Watterson, please report to the Principal's office.
 * What does he want now?

Principal's Office 2

 * Kids, I think I'm losing my mind.
 * Finally!
 * Well, at least you realize it's a problem.
 * I looked everywhere. I looked in the drawer. I looked under my desk, behind the bookshelf.
 * Wait, what are we talking about here?
 * My glasses! I can't find my glasses.
 * Uh, you're wearing them.
 * Oh, no, not these.. My spare pair. I think they might be in this safe.
 * [Darwin crawls into the safe]
 * You keep your spare glasses in a safe?
 * I can't see them!
 * Oh, no, no, no, they're right in the back. Just keep going further in.
 * You're gonna lock us in the safe, aren't you?
 * Uh, would you believe a "no"?
 * Look, Principal Brown, this is ridiculous! If you keep wasting your time on us instead of doing your job, this place is gonna start falling apart!
 * [Rocky crashes through the ceiling]
 * Oh, sorry.
 * Okay, you really want to do something for us?
 * Anything!
 * Then you'll leave us alone?
 * Of course!
 * Then just take care of the school!
 * Yes, yes, yes, of course. That's it, take care of the school, and all my problems will be solved. Thank you, Watterson! All I have to do is blow this place up!
 * Exactly!
 * All I could find was these.
 * [he holds up a pair of red high-heels]
 * Oh, well, that would explain the sound when he walks. WAIT, DID HE SAY BLOW UP THE SCHOOL?!
 * [he holds up a pair of red high-heels]
 * Oh, well, that would explain the sound when he walks. WAIT, DID HE SAY BLOW UP THE SCHOOL?!

Blowing Up The School

 * We need to raise the alarm!
 * Are you crazy?! No one can know about this! There'd be complete panic! We just have to stop him before he blows up the school!
 * Who's gonna blow up the school?!
 * No, no, we were just saying how the wind blows up the Help me out here!
 * Whoa!
 * WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?!
 * You said no one could know, and you winked at me!
 * YEAH, BUT I WAS.. Uh, uh. never mind. Let's go.
 * Rocky, can I have the keys to the boiler room? I'm gonna blow up the school.
 * Eh, sure.
 * Uh, you'd better run.
 * Oh, it's the little blue one! Sometimes it sticks, so you might need to give it a-- PRINCIPAL BROWN'S GONNA BLOW UP THE SCHOOL?!
 * No, no, no, no, no, that's not what he meant! It's It's not what you..
 * HI-YAH! HI-YAH!
 * Wait a minute. Are you trying to knock me ou--
 * If there's no school, then there's nothing to lose!
 * Excuse me, Principal Brown, I--
 * Take the children outside, Coach. I'm gonna blow up the school.
 * Uh, wait, blow up what?
 * Okay, okay, enough violence! I'll take care of her. I'm sorry, Coach.
 * What's that?
 * I'm trying to pinch a nerve cluster, but it's buried pretty deep.
 * Oh, let me try something. Apparently, it works on cows.
 * [he pushes coach until she falls over]
 * I've got to blow this place up!
 * Principal Brown is gonna blow up the school?!
 * Mr.Small, we can explain!
 * Hold on, kids. I need to make a symbolic gesture of protest. HALT IN THE NAME OF LOVE!
 * Once this place is gone, my reputation will be safe! Save yourself Lucy! Ohh! Oh, sorry. I thought that was another drywall.  Ohh! And again. Everyone, evacuate the school!
 * Now all I have to do is increase the oxygen supply, shut off the carbon-dioxide release valve, which should combine with the boiling H2O, kick-start a reaction, which will BLOW UP THE WHOLE SCHOOL!
 * STOP! DON'T DO THIS!
 * SAVE YOURSELVES!
 * YOU MISUNDERSTOOD US! We don't want you to blow up the school!
 * But it's the only solution!
 * Nigel, what is going on?!
 * Wait, It should've blown by now. Oh, yeah, it's because of chemistry that I failed my diploma.
 * Tell them the truth, Principal Brown.
 * I don't have a diploma. Your principal is nothing more than a... a fraud! I should go. But promise me you'll find a new principal to look after this place.
 * But you are our principal.
 * Or at least you were until you started worrying about that stupid diploma.
 * We all lie sometimes. I lied about my age to get this job. I'm not quite the spring chicken you think I am.
 * Hey, man, I'm not even a U.S citizen!
 * And I'm not a woman! [everyone looks at her funnily] Who can say she's never lied on her résumé either.
 * Haven't you been doing this job for 20 years? Surely, no one else is more qualified to be our principal than our principal.
 * You know what? You're right. I'm gonna get this place back on track starting right here, right now!
 * Oh, yes, sorry, it was mathematics that I failed.
 * You know what? You're right. I'm gonna get this place back on track starting right here, right now!
 * Oh, yes, sorry, it was mathematics that I failed.
 * Oh, yes, sorry, it was mathematics that I failed.