The Day I Was Born

(The episode opens on the staircase leading to the attic, where inside, Chicken digs through a box full of old toys, and Cow looks at her family scrapbook on the rocking chair. She giggles as she flips through each page, looking at pictures of themselves when they were babies.)

Cow: "Oh!"

Chicken: "Geez, where is it? I left it in here!"

(Cow comes to Chicken to get his attention, dumping him in the toy box by accident.)

Cow: "Oh, Chicken, tell me about the day I was born."

Chicken: "Oh, not again! I've already told yas a hundred times!"

Cow: "Oh, pretty please?"

Chicken: "Oh, all right! I tell ya." (Cow sits down to listen to Chicken's story.) "You was adopted."

Cow: (gasps) "Adopted? Oh, I was adopted!" (scat-singing) "Uh-uh-oh, adopted! Hit me, baby! Waahhh! Adopted! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Baby! Woah!" (stops singing) "Chicken, what's adopted?"

Chicken: (thinking) "Uh, it's when a-uh... man and a woman, uh, love each other, and they..." (Cow blinks her eyes.) "Go ask Mom."

(Cow runs down the stairs.)

Cow: "Mom!" (She meets up with Mom in the living room, as Mom fixes the drapes.) "Mom?"

Mom: "What is it, sweetheart?" (blinds Cow with the drapes by accident)

Cow: " Oh, tell me about the day I was born."

Mom: "The day you were born?" (giggles) "Oh, honey, what a day that was!" (The camera cuts to a flashback of a stork bringing a bundle with Cow inside, as Mom narrates the story.) "High in the sky, Mr. Stork was a-flappin' his wings hard to bring a big bundle of joy to our doorstep."

(The bundle weighs Mr. Stork down, as he falls through the air and lands in a bush. Baby Chicken sees the stork outside with the bundle, sucking on his pacifier. The stork drags himself and the bundle to the door and rings the doorbell, as Chicken crawls to the door.)

Mom: "Coming!" (The stork heaves the bundle and squeezes it through the mail slot, grunting.) "Who is it?"

Chicken: "Mama-"

(The bundle squashes Chicken, as the bundle unfurls to show the newborn Cow showing off her feet and udders, as she cries.)

Mom: "Ooh, what's this?!" (Cow blinks her eyes at her.) "Oh-ho-ho, isn't she precious?" (Chicken emerges from underneath the bundle.) "Look, Chicken: You have a baby sister!" (Chicken cries, as the camera cuts back to the reality.) "That was the..." (sobbing) "Happiest day of my life!"

(Dad comes in.)

Dad: (chuckling) "Oh, Mama, that old stork story. I think it's time we told Cow the truth." (He sits in the recliner.) "She's old enough now." (Cow giggles and runs up to Dad, sitting in front of him.) "I remember it like it was yesterday."

Cow: "Cut to the chase."

(The camera cuts to a flashback of a cabbage farm being run by Mom and Dad.)

Dad: (narrating) "It was in the days when we had the cabbage farm." (Dad is kicking up each cabbage with his feet.)

Mom: "Yoo-hoo!"

Dad: "Hey there, Mama!"

Mom: "Are we expecting something yet?"

Dad: "OH, YEAH! Something fat." (He positions his foot on a bush.) "Are ya ready?"

Mom: "Ooh, IT IS FAT!" (She looks at a large cabbage.)

Dad: "Hey, thanks." (The cabbage rocks back and forth, scaring the both of them into screaming. Dad jumps onto Mom for dear life.) "SAVE ME, MAMA! THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY CABBAGE!"

(Mom opens the cabbage leaf with her foot, showing a newborn Cow sucking on her thumb.)

Both: "Awww."

Mom: "She's adorable! I am so proud of you, Dad!"

Dad: (chuckles lovingly)

(Back to the present, Cow frowns and then thinks.)

Cow: (confused) "I was born in a vegetable?"

Dad: (sobbing) "That was the best cabbage we ever had!"

(By now, A confused Cow walks out the door with her backpack on, and she meets up with Chicken at the bus stop. She sniffles.)

Chicken: "What is wrong with you, Cow?"

Cow: (to Chicken, sobbing) "I still do not know anything about the day I was born. Mom said I was squished through the mailbox by a bird. Dad said he found me in a big cabbage, AND YOU WON'T TELL ME WHAT ADOPTED MEANS!" (She grabs Chicken, as she becomes desperate.) "SOMEBODY, PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT THE DAY I WAS BORN! Moo!"

(The school bus arrives, as they get on board and leave for school.)

Chicken: (snickering) "Saved by the bus."

(The scene changes to the classroom, where Cow and Chicken's Teacher wipes off the chalkboard with a chalkboard eraser. The bell rings, as the kids leave for home.)

Students: "Good night, Miss Teacher."

Teacher: "See you tomorrow, class!" (Cow comes up to Teacher, startling her by accident.) "Ooh! Cow, what is it?"

Cow: "Um, I was wondering... Oh, Teacher, do you remember the day I was born?"

Teacher: "Sure, I do! You were the cutest little egg I ever did see."

Cow: (confused) "Eh?"

Teacher: "It happened back when I was teaching kindergarten." (The camera cuts to a flashback of Teacher stamping each math assignment with a grade F.) "I was correcting some algebra papers during recess one morning. The geniuses were playin' in the yard."

(Newborns Chicken and Flem are sucking on their thumb and pacifier individually, when baby Earl comes up to them.)

Baby Earl: (muttering) "Hi, guys!"

(He then hits Flem on the head, causing him to cry. Chicken retaliates by throwing his rattle at Earl.)

Baby Earl: "Ow!" (cries) 

(They hear a moaning sound above and look up, as a giant egg squashes Chicken. The camera cuts to kindergarten class.)

Teacher: (narrating) "So, basically, we put this huge egg on the Nature Table, and during geometry class, it started moving."

(The egg rattles, startling the class. The egg opens to reveal a baby Cow. Chicken gapes, dropping his jaw, until the Nature Table collapses under Cow's weight. Unfortunately, back in the present day, Cow sits down the steps, still haven't found a legitimate answer yet. Chicken, Flem, and Earl catch up with her.)

Chicken: (jokingly) "Hey, Cow? Did you like Teacher's egg-sclamation?" (He elbows Flem, as all three of them laugh. Cow turns to face them.)

Earl: "We thought it was very egg-citing!"

(The three friends laugh again.)

Flem: "Cow, you crack me up!"

(The three friends laugh again, as Cow leaves. Meanwhile, the Red Guy sits on a city bench with a flock of city pigeons, preparing to catch anyone of them.)

Red Guy: "Tweet, tweet, tweet. Coo, coo, coo. HA!" (He thrusts his net down, scaring off his prizes, as he sits there fuming, until a sad Cow comes along and sits next to him, tipping her half of the bench, and causing Red to slide next to her.) "Aww, what's the matter, tubby? Why the long, FAT face?"

Cow: (sobbing) "Mom told me never to talk to strangers and you're pretty strange."

Red Guy: "Oh, but I am not A STRANGER! Why, I was in the day that you were born!Cow: (happily) "You was?!"

Red Guy: "Of course, I was;" (He grabs Cow.) "I'M THE ONE WHO DELIVERED YOU!" (The camera cuts to a flashback, where Red performs the birth of Cow in the operating room.) "GET ME SOME HOT TOWELS!"

(A surgeon runs out of the operating room to collect some towels, holding a saw and a pair of scissors in both hands. Dad and newborn Chicken watch him pass by.)

Dad: "What's going on in there, Chicken?" (The surgeon passes him, as a scream is heard.) "Is everything all right, doctor?"

Red Guy: (screaming) " I CAN SEE THE HEAD! SOMEBODY, GET ME A PLUNGER!"

(A nurse runs for the operating room.)

Nurse: "Coming, Dr. Hiney Bottom."

(Chicken and Dad look at each other.)

Dad: (concerned) "Nurse?"

(The nurse makes it to the operating room with the plunger.)

Red Guy: "Push! PUSH!"

Dad: "Push! Push!"

(Mom runs up to them.)

Mom: "What's going on in there, Dad?"

Dad: "You're having a baby."

Red Guy: "Push! Push! Oh, that's it now. Push! PUSH!" (At last, Red literally pushes through the door, carrying a newborn Cow on a shelf cart.) "Oh, oh. Congratulations. It's a four-hundred pounder." (He passes out on the floor.)

(Chicken blinks his eyes, as Mom and Dad push him to the shelf cart in his stroller, as they look at their newborn calf.)

Mom: "Awww! Look, Chicken! You have a new baby sister!"

(Chicken looks at Cow, who giggles and coos at him.)

Baby Cow: "Chicken?"

Baby Chicken: (happily) "Cow!" (to his parents) "Can I hold her?"

Mom: "Of course, dear!"

(Baby Chicken opens his arms to hold Cow, only for Cow to crush on him instead. The scene fades back to the present in the living room.)

Cow: "So, that is really what happened on the day I was born?" (She grabs Chicken and hugs him tightly.) "Oh, Chicken, I love you!" (She kisses Chicken rapidly.)

Chicken: (grunting painfully) "I love yas, too!"

(Iris Out)

(Cut to 'End' card)

Chicken: "End!"

(Black Out)