The Candidate (The Amazing World of Gumball)

Catastrophe

 * Wait! Stop!
 * Give up. You have a two percent chance of defeating me. You have a four percent chalice of repeating me.  You have a squirrel chocolate geography hairbrush.
 * Wait, we have to work together!
 * They say lions throw their cubs off ravines and only raise the ones strong enough to climb back up. Well, firstly, that's not true, and it's also completely irrelevant to the story, but it makes for a cool opening. You might be wondering how things to got to this point. It all started yesterday evening. I remember it as if it were yesterday... evening.
 * They say lions throw their cubs off ravines and only raise the ones strong enough to climb back up. Well, firstly, that's not true, and it's also completely irrelevant to the story, but it makes for a cool opening. You might be wondering how things to got to this point. It all started yesterday evening. I remember it as if it were yesterday... evening.
 * They say lions throw their cubs off ravines and only raise the ones strong enough to climb back up. Well, firstly, that's not true, and it's also completely irrelevant to the story, but it makes for a cool opening. You might be wondering how things to got to this point. It all started yesterday evening. I remember it as if it were yesterday... evening.

Before the Charity Ball

 * Why do we have to go back to school?! We already wasted the whole day there!
 * How can someone be so grumpy going to a charity ball, especially when it's about building a better future for children?
 * Yeah, one chocolate fountain at a time.
 * How are we supposed to raise awareness for the children of tomorrow if we have low blood sugar today?
 * Maybe your generation should have thought about our future before ruining the economy.
 * And the environment.
 * And the education system!
 * And ruining Chatsnap by following their kids— not related, but I think it should be said.
 * You think we had it easy? When I finished high school, all I had was three dollars in my pocket. So, what did I do? I bought a house, a car, and started a family. And the other two dollars went into my savings.
 * You guys just don't realize, do you?
 * I realize that, in spite of how self-entitled my kids are, I still have space in my heart to think about their future.
 * More like space in your stomach for free prawn cocktails and fruit punch.
 * And if you really care about us, why do we have to be stuck in a room with some bargain-bin VHS tape, while you animals party like it's nineteen-ninety-nine B.C.?
 * For your information, it will be a very formal and civilized evening.
 * For your information, it will be a very formal and civilized evening.

Children's Future Ball

 * I'm gonna rock you till you do the rock 'n' roll— do the rock 'n' roll— do the rock 'n' roll— do the rock 'n' roll— do the rock 'n' roll—
 * Thirty-two donkeys playing on a sled,
 * One fell off it and hurt his leg
 * Santa called the doctor, and the doctor said,
 * "No more donkeys playing on that sled!"
 * Thirty-three donkeys playing on a sled...
 * This has to stop!
 * Really? Don't you want to see what happens to the thirty-second gosh-darn donkey?!
 * At least it's a distraction.
 * Let us out! Let us out!
 * Still no signal. There must be some way to open that door.
 * I've tried everything— turning the handle clockwise, turning it counterclockwise, not turning it, staring at it for a while... ...telling you about it.
 * I'm more worried about the heat. Is it me, or is the room getting globally much warmer?
 * Meh, seems like it to me. I'm hungry.
 * ​​​: Okay, I'd like to point out that, as my parents paid for half of the fundraiser, ninety percent of that cookie belongs to me.
 * That's not how math works.
 * ​​​: Check your textbook.
 * Fractions, fractions... ah! "Half always equals whatever Tobias wants"? What?! "This textbook was fenerously funded by the Wilson family"?
 * ​​​: I'll look after that.
 * ​​​: Mm-mm. You're welcome.
 * That's not fair! Who knows how long we're stuck in here for? We need to apportion our resources equally.
 * "Apportion resources equally"? Sounds to me like highfalutin' city garble to keep all the food for yourselves! You should do what we simple countryfolk call "good old-fashioned equitable distribution of commodities."
 * What?
 * Yah, Anais, you think you're so woke, but if you truly cared about the cause, you'd be giving that food to the endangered trees of the Amazon.
 * Wha— what?
 * Wake up, sheeple! It's the other people we should worry about, coming through that door and stealing our food!
 * The door's locked, Joe. That's the main part of our problem.
 * Not according to my sources.
 * And where are you getting your information from?
 * Www (dot) neckbeardfrogalternativetruth (dot) ru. I'm too clever to let myself get manipulated by the lamestream media— which brings me to my next problem.
 * How you'll never find love and end up marrying an anime pillow?
 * No, that's number three. I meant I think I'm coming down with some weird disease. The doctor said my heart's gone black, and my bad breath may be due to my soul rotting.
 * ​​​: Well, there isn't much to discuss about that food anyway. It already belongs to me!
 * Guys! Shouldn't we focus on the rising temperature? It's kind of boiling in here... ...literally.
 * I concur: if the temperature continues at this rate, in three hours, this room will be lit.
 * Sounds pretty good!
 * I mean, literally on fire; it is a scientific fact.
 * Bobert, facts are like stars—
 * They're always in the sky, but you can't always see them.
 * No, they're like shiny holes in the dark night of my ignorance, and I don't like them!
 * Okay, guys, what are we going to do about the food?
 * Mmm... fight?
 * Sto-op! How about we hold an election to choose a leader?
 * ​​​: Yeah.
 * Yeah.
 * ​​​: Fine by me.
 * All right, I'm cool with that.
 * Yes, that's fair.
 * Uh, fellas, what about— uh, uh, can someone give me a hand? I, uh— okay, I'm gonna pass out. I— I— I'm passing out. Uh, ah, gone.
 * Sto-op! How about we hold an election to choose a leader?
 * ​​​: Yeah.
 * Yeah.
 * ​​​: Fine by me.
 * All right, I'm cool with that.
 * Yes, that's fair.
 * Uh, fellas, what about— uh, uh, can someone give me a hand? I, uh— okay, I'm gonna pass out. I— I— I'm passing out. Uh, ah, gone.
 * Uh, fellas, what about— uh, uh, can someone give me a hand? I, uh— okay, I'm gonna pass out. I— I— I'm passing out. Uh, ah, gone.
 * Uh, fellas, what about— uh, uh, can someone give me a hand? I, uh— okay, I'm gonna pass out. I— I— I'm passing out. Uh, ah, gone.

Democracy

 * My slogan is easy to understand: "Vote for progressive distribution, not regressive attribution."
 * That's about as easy to understand as a Scottish scatman wearing a diving helmet!
 * Yeah!
 * ​​​: Exactly. My slogan is much clearer: "Vote for me ​​​​​I'll keep everything for myself."
 * That sounds as fishy as your best friend's boyfriend liking your Chatsnap photos at three in the morning!
 * Yeah!
 * And enough with the blah-blah and the politricks. It's forcing me to think, and thinking makes me angry!
 * Guys, please calm down!
 * Can we at least talk about the temperature? It's so hot in here, the saliva in my mouth is starting to bubble! We need to—
 * I demand change! Change! Change!
 * Change! Change! Change! ...
 * But I'm offering you change!
 * Yeah, but it's the same change as before!
 * But nobody else is more competent than me to take us through these hard times!
 * Enough with the competent people doing nothing! We want incompetent people doing something!
 * The people are craving hope!
 * Did somebody call for a "raving dope"?
 * What? No, they said—
 * The people have spoken! If they want a slack-jawed bozo to take charge, then I shall be their champion.
 * ​​​: But I —
 * You want change?!
 * Yeah!
 * Tired of fancy words?!
 * Yeah!
 * How about this for a slogan?
 * Yeah!
 * He's just saying what we're all thinking!
 * But what will you do about the temperature?!
 * There's no problem with the temperature.
 * Just look at yourself!
 * It's not hotter. It's just less cold.
 * Dude! Your head is literally on fire!
 * No, it's not.
 * See?
 * Okay, listen, you can vote for me, and I promise I'll do my best to get us out of this situation. Or you can vote for some loon in his underpants who doesn't even know the meaning of the adversity we're all facing!
 * Pbht, I know exactly what "vardersity" means.
 * Oh, what do you know? Turns out it's not some kind of dance.
 * Please, this is serious! Vote, and vote wisely. Our future— everyone's future— depends on it!
 * I, Gumball T. Watterson, do solemnly swear that I will execute the office of leader of this group...
 * In their desire for change, the people forgot that they could get short-changed.
 * But he's only one guy. I mean, how much harm can he—?
 * Oh, what do you know? Turns out it's not some kind of dance.
 * Please, this is serious! Vote, and vote wisely. Our future— everyone's future— depends on it!
 * I, Gumball T. Watterson, do solemnly swear that I will execute the office of leader of this group...
 * In their desire for change, the people forgot that they could get short-changed.
 * But he's only one guy. I mean, how much harm can he—?
 * In their desire for change, the people forgot that they could get short-changed.
 * But he's only one guy. I mean, how much harm can he—?

Catastrophe and Remedy

 * Wait, stop!
 * And that brings us back to now. I know they'll blame me, but it was once said that the higher we soar, the smaller we appear to salty little people who can't fly, 'cause they're losers, and therefore, blaming me for every little thing, even though they kind of elected you in the first place!—
 * Gumball... What are you doing?
 * I'm dictating my memoir. What do you think of the title? "An Eagle Amongst Pigeons."
 * This is not the time!
 * Fine! He said confidently, before green lights reflected in his fierce and furious eyes—
 * Gumball, you're responsible for the whole school falling apart! Now it's time to get your people back together!
 * All right, fine. Everybody, stop!
 * Oh, come on.
 * In these troubled times, a true leader must take it upon himself to unify his people. Maybe what you need is a common enemy, someone to take the blame for the greater good. And it is my duty to inform you that enemy...  is Anais.
 * What?!
 * What? You just nodded. I thought that meant you were cool with it.
 * Anyone else want to take the blame?
 * Quick! It's so hot, the whole school's crumbling!
 * Guys, wait for me!
 * What are we gonna do?!
 * If we use everyone's skills, we could pull through this together! Tobias? What are you doing?
 * ​​​: Throwing money at the problem.
 * Okay, money isn't the solution to every problem.
 * ​​​: It is if you've got enough.
 * Wait! I've got this. Anais, say something clever.
 * Okay. We can eliminate the toxic particles in the smoke by creating a filtration system using our wet clothes—
 * Okay, rude.
 * But effective.
 * Wait! What about the boiler?
 * It's a boiler, Darwin! It boils!
 * Quick! We're almost there!
 * My face!
 * ​​​: I'll fix this!
 * Of course! The natural healing properties of plants!
 * ​​​: Uh, no, I mean she might not make it, but at least she'll go down on fleek.
 * Come on, quick!
 * But effective.
 * Wait! What about the boiler?
 * It's a boiler, Darwin! It boils!
 * Quick! We're almost there!
 * My face!
 * ​​​: I'll fix this!
 * Of course! The natural healing properties of plants!
 * ​​​: Uh, no, I mean she might not make it, but at least she'll go down on fleek.
 * Come on, quick!
 * ​​​: Uh, no, I mean she might not make it, but at least she'll go down on fleek.
 * Come on, quick!
 * Come on, quick!

Unsatisfying End

 * Yeah!
 * We made it!
 * Yeah, but no thanks to them.
 * Do the rock 'n' roll— do the rock 'n' roll— do the rock 'n' roll— do the rock 'n' roll— do the—
 * That's right, Anais, it's all thanks to... me. I mean, if I hadn't seized power after lying to everyone and embezzled all the food and failed your differences until you hated each other and started a civil war in the school that almost led to your extinction, you guys wouldn't be here being all chummy.
 * ​​​: Oh, why, you little—
 * Stop!
 * Yes, enough of this violence!
 * No, it's just that he was gonna miss. The important thing is we all worked together. It means there's still hope for the future. We can leave this school a better place than we—
 * Told you we should have done something about that overheating problem.
 * No, it's just that he was gonna miss. The important thing is we all worked together. It means there's still hope for the future. We can leave this school a better place than we—
 * Told you we should have done something about that overheating problem.
 * Told you we should have done something about that overheating problem.