The Diseasel

Ringo Starr UK Version:
 * Ringo Starr: Bill and Ben are Tank Engine twins. Each has four wheels, a tiny chimney and dome, and a small squat cab. Their trucks are filled with China Clay. It is needed for pottery, paper, paint, and many other things. The twins are now kept busy pulling the trucks for engines on the Main Line and for ships in the harbour. One morning they arranged some trucks and went away for more. They returned to find them all gone. The twins were most surprised. Their Drivers examined a patch of oil.
 * Bill and Ben’s Drivers: That’s a diesel.
 * Ringo Starr: They said.
 * Bill: It’s a what’ll?
 * Ringo Starr: Asked Bill.
 * Ben: A diseasel, I think.
 * Ringo Starr: Replied Ben.
 * Ben: There’s a notice about them in our shed.
 * Bill: Coughs and sneezles spread diseasels.
 * Ben: You had a cough in your smokebox yesterday. It’s your fault the diseasel came.
 * Bill: It isn’t!
 * Ben: It is!
 * Bill and Ben’s Drivers: Stop arguing, you two.
 * Ringo Starr: Laughed their Drivers.
 * Bill and Ben’s Drivers: Let’s go and rescue our trucks.
 * Ringo Starr: Bill and Ben were horrified.
 * Bill and Ben: But the diseasel will magic us away like the trucks.
 * Bill and Ben’s Drivers: He won’t magic us.
 * Ringo Starr: Replied their Drivers.
 * Bill and Ben’s Drivers: We’ll more likely magic him! Listen. He doesn’t know you’re twins; so we’ll take away your names and numbers and then this is what we’ll do…
 * Ringo Starr: Puffing hard, the twins set off on their journey to find the diesel. They were looking forward to playing tricks on him. Creeping into the Yard they found the diesel on a siding with the missing trucks. Ben hid behind, but Bill went boldly alongside. The diesel looked up.
 * BoCo: Do you mind?
 * Bill: Yes.
 * Ringo Starr: Said Bill.
 * Bill: I do. I want my trucks please.
 * BoCo: These are mine.
 * Ringo Starr: Said the diesel.
 * BoCo: Go away.
 * Ringo Starr: Bill pretended to be frightened.
 * Bill: You’re a big bully.
 * Ringo Starr: He whimpered.
 * Bill: You’ll be sorry.
 * Ringo Starr: He ran back and hid behind the trucks on the other side. Ben now came forward.
 * Ben: Truck stealer.
 * Ringo Starr: Hissed Ben. He ran away too, Bill took his place. This went on and on till the diesel’s eyes nearly popped out.
 * BoCo: Stop! You’re making me giddy!
 * Ringo Starr: The two engines gazed at him.
 * BoCo: Are there two of you?
 * Bill and Ben: Yes, we’re twins.
 * BoCo: I might have known it.
 * Ringo Starr: Just then, Edward bustled up.
 * Edward: Bill and Ben, why are you playing here?
 * Bill: We’re not playing.
 * Ringo Starr: Protested Bill.
 * Ben: We’re rescuing our trucks.
 * Ringo Starr: Squeaked Ben.
 * Ben: Even you don’t take our trucks without asking, but this diseasel did!
 * Edward: There’s no cause to be rude.
 * Ringo Starr: Said Edward severely.
 * Edward: This engine is a “Metropolitan-Vickers, diesel-electric, Type 2.”
 * Ringo Starr: The twins were abashed.
 * Bill: We’re sorry Mr – er…
 * BoCo: Never mind.
 * Ringo Starr: The diesel smiled.
 * BoCo: Call me BoCo. I’m sorry I didn’t understand about the trucks.
 * Edward: That’s all right then.
 * Ringo Starr: Said Edward.
 * Edward: Now off you go, Bill and Ben. Fetch BoCo’s trucks, then you can take this lot.
 * (Bill and Ben scamper away.)
 * Edward: There’s no real harm in them.
 * Ringo Starr: He said to BoCo.
 * Edward: But they’re maddening at times.
 * Ringo Starr: BoCo chuckled.
 * BoCo: Maddening.
 * Ringo Starr: He said.
 * BoCo: Is the word.

George Carlin US Version:
 * George Carlin: Bill and Ben are Tank Engine twins. Each has four wheels, a tiny chimney and dome, and a small squat cab. Their freight cars are filled with China Clay. It is needed for pottery, paper, paint, and many other things. The twins are now kept busy pulling the cars for engines on the Main Line and for ships in the harbor. One morning they arranged some cars and went away for more. They returned to find them all gone. The twins were most surprised. Their Drivers examined a patch of oil.
 * Bill and Ben’s Drivers: That’s diesel.
 * George Carlin: They said.
 * Bill: It’s a what’ll?
 * George Carlin: Asked Bill.
 * Ben: A diseasel, I think.
 * George Carlin: Replied Ben.
 * Ben: There’s a notice about them in our shed.
 * Bill: Coughs and sneezles spread diseasels.
 * Ben: You had a cough in your smokebox yesterday. It’s your fault the diseasel came.
 * Bill: It isn’t!
 * Ben: It is!
 * Bill and Ben’s Drivers: Stop arguing, you two.
 * George Carlin: Laughed their Drivers.
 * Bill and Ben’s Drivers: Let’s go and rescue our freight cars.
 * George Carlin: Bill and Ben were horrified.
 * Bill and Ben: But the diseasel will magic us away like the freight cars.
 * Bill and Ben’s Drivers: He won’t magic us.
 * George Carlin: Replied their Drivers.
 * Bill and Ben’s Drivers: We’ll more likely magic him! Listen. He doesn’t know you’re twins; so we’ll take away your names and numbers and then this is what we’ll do…
 * George Carlin: Puffing hard, the twins set off on their journey to find the diesel. They were looking forward to playing tricks on him. Creeping into the Yard they found the diesel on a siding with the missing cars. Ben hid behind, but Bill went boldly alongside. The diesel looked up.
 * BoCo: Do you mind?
 * Bill: Yes.
 * George Carlin: Said Bill.
 * Bill: I do. I want my cars back.
 * BoCo: These are mine.
 * George Carlin: Said the diesel.
 * BoCo: Go away.
 * George Carlin: Bill pretended not to be frightened.
 * Bill: You’re a big bully.
 * George Carlin: He whimpered.
 * Bill: You’ll be sorry.
 * George Carlin: He ran back and hid behind the cars on the other side. Ben now came forward.
 * Ben: Car stealer.
 * George Carlin: Hissed Ben. He ran away too, Bill took his place. This went on and on till the diesel’s eyes nearly popped out.
 * BoCo: Stop! You’re making me giddy!
 * George Carlin: The two engines gazed at him.
 * BoCo: Are there two of you?
 * Bill and Ben: Yes, we’re twins.
 * BoCo: I might have known it.
 * George Carlin: Just then, Edward bustled up.
 * Edward: Bill and Ben, why are you playing here?
 * Bill: We’re not playing.
 * George Carlin: Protested Bill.
 * Ben: We’re rescuing our cars.
 * George Carlin: Squeaked Ben.
 * Ben: Even you don’t take our cars without asking, but this diseasel did!
 * Edward: There’s no cause to be rude.
 * George Carlin: Said Edward severely.
 * Edward: This engine is a “Metropolitan-Vickers, diesel-electric, Type 2.”
 * George Carlin: The twins were most impressed.
 * Bill: We’re sorry Mr – er…
 * BoCo: Never mind.
 * George Carlin: The diesel smiled.
 * BoCo: Call me BoCo. I’m sorry I didn’t understand about the cars.
 * Edward: That’s all right then.
 * George Carlin: Said Edward.
 * Edward: Now off you go, Bill and Ben. Fetch BoCo’s cars, then you take this lot.
 * (Bill and Ben scamper away.)
 * Edward: There’s no real harm in them.
 * George Carlin: He said to BoCo.
 * Edward: But they’re maddening at times.
 * George Carlin: BoCo chuckled.
 * BoCo: Maddening.
 * George Carlin: He said.
 * BoCo: Is the word.