Not So Smart Phone

Hey guys. Check it out. We just got our first paycheck from Tech Town. Nice. What are you gonna spend it on? A video game? New kicks? A birthday gift for a sibling who wants a video game and new kicks. Nope. I'm gonna open a savings account. I wanna like you but you make it so hard. The job also comes with perks. The new E phone 7. Those are not even out yet. How did you get one? Well, Leo, as a rising star of the Tech Town Empire We all got one. People are already lined up for the big release Friday. You should have seen the crazed looks in their eyes when I walked by with this thing. Yup, that's the look. This version's got the new auto-centering feature to help you take better selfies. Yeah, I don't photograph well. Point that bad boy over here. You're gonna want to record this perfection. I'm Adam Davenport, and this is "bionic bowling. " Adam is six-foot-two, a rare combination of incredible strength and not much else. - Oh, yeah! Ohh! - Whoo! I'm chase Davenport, and this is "molecular kinesis bowling. " A native of mission creek, chase's hobbies include being a tattle-tale and creeping out girls. Oh! Oh, the dreaded 7/10 split! Devastating. Just devastating. You were saying? Oh, it's on! I'm still Adam Davenport, and this is "blastwave bowling. " And we have a loser! The world's first They're stronger than us, faster, smarter. The next generation of the human race is living in my basement? All right, huddle up, team. Tomorrow's our biggest day of the year. For us techies, this is our world series. And I'm your starting quarterback. Oh! Go, team! Scott, I've studied all the specs. Ready to assist any customer who needs help. Great, 'cause we're gonna have more people in this store than ever before. Any questions? Can we not do the sale? Caitlin, remember what I said? Think before you speak, and then don't speak. You ok? I'm fine. Just not a big fan of crowds. When I worked at the pretzel hut, we had this big three-for-one sale. It was a madhouse, and the customers wouldn't leave me alone. They all wanted the last cinnamon pretzel, so I did what any sane person would do: I ate it. Then I sprayed everyone with hot butter and ran. Anyway, I'm gonna go grab a pretzel. Mr. Davenport, what are you doing here? We're not allowed visitors at work. I'm not a visitor. I'm a celebrity. And this celebrity needs a favor. Tomorrow is my anniversary, and all Tasha wants is that stupid ephone. Even though I can make something better out of junk from the trash. So, if I get her one early, it will make her feel special. So just go grab me a phone so I don't have to stay in line all night with these losers. No way. I could lose my job. You have to go wait in line. Seriously? Now! Fine! Where's the end of the line? See that security guard with the golf cart? Yeah, that's not so bad. Well, you might want to stop and ask him for a lift 'cause the line ends a mile past that. Whose limo's blocking the bus lanes? I don't know but I always wanted to ride in one. They look so classy. Mornin', sewer sacks! Then again, looks can be deceiving. Sorry about blocking the bus lanes. Can't walk too far in these. Haven't worn heels this high since I did the pageant tour. You were in beauty pageants? Yep, never won though. Apparently, it's not a talent to squat-lift a 250-pound barbell while rocking a bikini. And yet, look how far it's got you. Here's a fiver, butch. Keep the heater pumping. So, how did you get a limo? Daddy Davenport just gave me a big chunk of hush money for keeping your bionic secret. I'm wearing your college funds, kids! Gather 'round, pus pockets. Since I have come into some recent moolah, I have decided to start giving back To myself. I hereby announce that I'm retiring as principal effective end of the week. Yes! I dreamed this day would come! Oh, it's time, people. Are you done? 'Cuz I gotta wash that off. You bought the school a hot tub? No, I bought it for me and I'm taking it with me when I go. Much like the vending machine. Ooh. Ahh. Oh Oh, yeah. Take that undiagnosed skin condition. Excuse me. Hi. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. It really is me. Look I I really, really need a phone. Wife's anniversary, blah, blah, blah Anyways, is there any way that I could sneak All right, hang in there, guys. Only 15 hours left. Also, if anyone needs to use the restroom, shoulda thought of that before you camped out for a phone. Ooh, hot tub's empty. You better take your phone out of your pants. I'm gonna throw you in. - My phone it's gone! - Perfect, let's do this. Stop! It has our bionic bowling on it! If someone sees it, our secret will be exposed. I must've left it back at the store. Come on! I have never seen you this happy. I know! With Perry leaving, this baby bird is ready to fly. Keep your legs warm in case we need to make a hasty retreat. Listen up. I am happy to announce that after an exhaustive 22-minute search, I have found your new principal! Hey-o! Trent?! That's right, dooley. Your new schedule. Theatre, where you'll perform a one-man version of Annie for the entire school. Then marching band, where you'll be the drum major's Baton! And then gym class where Well, your embarrassment there goes without saying. Chase! It's not even your shift, and you're here. I'm impressed. I'm not here to work, actually. I think I just left my phone on the prodigy bar. Oh, you mean our packing area? Ahh! Someone must've packed my phone with the others. We have to find it! Whoa, "we"? I just came to watch you freak out. All right, it's game time! Scott, can you delay opening for a minute so I can find my phone? Let me run it up the corporate ladder. Tick, tick, tick, tick, no. Release the herd! Noooo! Oh, yeah! Now, this is the show I bought tickets to. She started it! Caitlin, guard the phones and don't let anyone touch them. Gotta go find whoever this belongs to. Man, we're never gonna be able to look for the phone with her on guard. Nope. But hey, look on the bright side. What's the bright side? I don't know, I'm just trying to be a more positive person. They're not prisoners! They like living in my basement! No. No-no-no! She pushed me into you. Fight, fight, fight, fight Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. All right, I got some good news and I got some bad news. The bad news is I'm instituting a school uniform policy. The good news is only dooley has to wear it. Come on out, sweet prince. What are you laughing at? This is your new uniform. Why are you dragging me into this? What did I do? You're related to him and I don't even really know. He cannot be principal! He is worse than she is! Ok, I cannot believe I'm saying this But we have to make Perry stay. What are you doing down there? Just checking on my veggie dumplings. Principal Perry, are you sure you want to retire? I mean the position of principal comes with prestige. You're shaping America's youth. If I cared about shaping our youth, I'd still be teaching swim lessons down at the swamp. Hey, kid sees a gator comin', he'll swim! Look, this is not gonna work. The only way to persuade someone like that is with bribes, and she already has money. But what if she didn't? We still have a few hours before her official resignation. If we can get her to spend all her money, she would have to stay! I don't know, seems kinda crazy. - Look at your outfit. - I'm in. Principal Perry, to celebrate your last day, we would like to take you shopping. Pass. Rather die. Come on. With my super speed, I can take you anywhere: Beverly hills, New York's 5th Avenue Well I am an uptown girl. Fine. But before we go, can you grab that stray dumpling bobbing around my big toe? No, no, no, no, wait I can get it. Oh. There, got it. Want a bite? You know what's weird? I kinda want a bite. Uh-oh. We got another scuffle in line. Some old, rich guy tried to take a cutsy, and that's a tech town no-no. I'm gonna need some muscle. Caitlin, come with me. Ok, he's gone. Make up an excuse to look at customers' phones. What do I say? I don't know! Be creative! Can I borrow your phone? My car broke down and I need to call a tow truck. You see, my wife's making me dinner and she gets upset when I'm late and whoa! Hold on, I'm not done. She's making lasagna, and it's my favorite. Ok, now. Hey, where's your uniform? Trent sent it to the tailor. He didn't think it was "snug enough. " Where's Perry? Oh, she wanted to make an entrance. Greetings, peasants! It's fashion time! No offense, but you're 50 years late for the prom. Man, we can't keep this up. We gotta get to the boxes before the customers get to them. Can we just You are messing with the wrong girl on the wrong day. Dude, what are we gonna do?! Don't worry. We're gonna find your phone. No one will ever know, including Mr. Davenport. You're right. Thank you. Hey, hey, hey. Look who's here. Hi Mr. Davenport. Aaaah. Alright. We're almost there. We just gotta finish booking this trip to Spain so Terry can run with the bulls. Poor bulls. They don't stand a chance. We need your credit card for one last purchase. Forget it. I'm done buying stuff. I thought all this junk would make me happy, but it doesn't. I'm outta here. Well, I guess we should get used to principal Trent. Better go freckle up. Got two shows and a matinee. Alright you two. Grab this stuff and toss it in my blimp. You know what, no. Do it yourself Terry. Excuse me? You're not our principal anymore, so you can't tell us what to do. Yeah, she's right. We're done taking orders from you. I said grab my stuff, fungus pigeons! Ahh! Wait. This feeling It's what's missing! None of this junk will make me happy. What really matters in life is Treating people poorly for my own amusement. And nothing makes me feel more complete than doing it to you twerps. - What a wonderful life lesson. - Yeah. Guess I'm not gonna retire after all. It's back to my original plan of working till I drop, and then getting stuffed and mounted over the gym door. You know what's weird? I kinda wanna see that. Man, we've checked every single phone! I can't believe I did this. After all Mr. Davenport has done to protect our bionic secret I blew it. Ah! I'm warning you. Don't even think about causing any more trouble. I have a really high scream and I'm not afraid to use it. Mr. Davenport, can I talk with you? Unless you wanna give me a free ephone, I don't want to hear it. I think you do. I messed up. I may have go home, everybody! The sale's over! We're out of phones! Wait, what about the display model? Oh, no, no, no, no! - Leo! - Oh, he really doesn't photograph well. Yeah, I suppose we could sell the display model. Stop it! Look at you people! It's just like the last pretzel, except it's a stupid phone! This is why I hate crowds! You're all loving gadgets when you should be loving each other! Caitlin, you're fired. May I ask why? So, what did you want to tell me? That if you wanna buy something for Tasha, you might wanna hurry 'cause the mall closes at 9:00. So you're not gonna miss this stuff at all? Nah, just the hot tub. The school board deemed it "inappropriate. " If cooking your dinner in the same vat of water you bathe in is inappropriate, then I don't want to be appropriate. How'd Trent take the news? Eh, he was upset till I decided to spring for a new gym teacher uniform. New uniform? I can help with that. Come on out, Trent. I look ridiculous ly awesome! Best demotion ever!