The Tangerine Factor


 * Sheldon: (Quoting incorrect Mandarin) "Show me your mucus, your mucus."
 * Chen: (In Mandarin) "Blow your own nose and go away."
 * Sheldon: "This is not tangerine bicycle."
 * Chen: (In English) "Crazy man. Call the police!"
 * Sheldon: "No, don't call the library, show me your mucus. Oxen are in my bed. Many, many, oxen."
 * Chen: (Shoos him away) Ha!
 * Sheldon: "Oy vey!"


 * Howard: You know, I’m really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
 * Sheldon: Why?
 * Howard: Once you’re fluent, you’ll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.


 * Leonard: Penny, are you okay?
 * Penny (voice off): I’m fine, Leonard, just go away.
 * Leonard: Look, I understand that breaking up with someone can be very painful….
 * Penny: GO AWAY!
 * Leonard: Okay, feel better, bye. (Goes back to apartment) She doesn’t want to talk.
 * Sheldon: Not surprising. Penny’s emotional responses originate from the primitive portion of the brain known as the Amygdala, while speech is centred in the much more recently developed Neocortex. The former can easily overpower the latter giving scientific credence to the notion of being rendered speechless. (Leonard stares at him.) Or maybe she just doesn’t want to talk.
 * Raj (entering): Hey, look, I found an iPod.
 * Howard: It’s smashed beyond repair, what are you going to do with it?
 * Raj: What else? Sell it on ebay as slightly used.
 * Leonard: It was Penny’s boyfriend’s, they broke up.
 * Howard: Apparently he posted intimate details of their physical relationship on his blog, which I cannot find anywhere.
 * Leonard: You know what, I’m going to go back and try talking to her again.
 * Howard: Good idea. Sit with her, hold her, comfort her, and if the moment feels right, see if you can cop a feel.
 * Leonard: I’m not going to do that, Howard.
 * Sheldon: I’m not aware of any social convention that requires you to intervene at all.
 * Leonard: What about “damsel in distress?”
 * Sheldon: Twelfth century code of chivalry, not exactly current. You’d also have to be knighted for that to apply.
 * Leonard: I don’t care. She’s upset, I’m going over there.
 * Howard: Remember to sit on your hands a bit so they’re warm.
 * Leonard: I’m her friend, I’m not going to take advantage of her vulnerability.
 * Howard: What, so you’re saying that if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you and demands you take her, right there, right now, you’ll just walk away?
 * Leonard: I said I’m her friend. Not her gay friend.


 * Leonard (knocking and entering): Hey, listen, I know you said that you didn’t want to talk…
 * Penny: (she shouts through her mouthful of ice cream) I don’t.
 * Leonard (leaving): Sorry.
 * Penny: Wait.
 * Leonard: Wait, did you say wait?
 * Penny: Tell me the truth. (she asks Leonard crossly) Am I just an idiot who picks giant losers?
 * Leonard: No. No.
 * Penny: Okay, so I pick good guys, but turn them into losers.
 * Leonard: Of course not.
 * Penny: (she's about to run out of ideas) Well, it’s got to be one or the other, which is it?
 * Leonard: I’m sorry, what were the choices again?
 * Penny: (1st time: she is still very cross) I really thought Mike was different, I thought he was sensitive and smart. I mean, not you smart, normal non-freaky smart.
 * Leonard: Yeah, no, sure.
 * (Penny pours some chocolate syrup on her ice cream furiously)
 * Penny: (2nd time: she is still very cross) You know, and then he just goes and has to humiliate me by writing about me on his blog so the entire world can read it.
 * Leonard: Actually it’s not all that easy to find.
 * Penny: (3rd time: she is still very cross) Yeah, really, well my friends at work found it, my sister found it, judging by my email a number of prisoners at the Michigan State Penitentiary found it.
 * Leonard: Okay, well, what exactly did this guy write, not that I need to know the details of your sex life, I just thought…. never mind.
 * Penny: Nope, you know what, you might as well read it, everybody else has, go ahead. (Leonard goes to the computer while she's almost in tears) Oh God, I just feel so betrayed and embarrassed. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. (she squirts some whipped cream into her mouth sadly)
 * Leonard: Okay, well, you know, this isn’t that bad. It just paints the picture of a very affectionate woman who’s open to expressing her affection in non traditional locales.
 * Penny: Oh God!
 * Leonard: Elevators, parks, movie theatres, out of curiosity, is this subway the transportation system or subway the sandwich shop?
 * Penny: Sandwich shop.
 * Leonard: Doesn’t that violate the health code?
 * Penny: No, at the sub shop we were only making out.
 * Leonard: Huh. Okay. But my point is that you have absolutely no reason to be embarrassed.
 * Penny: Really, do you think I overreacted?
 * Leonard: Maybe a little.
 * Penny: ‘Cause I do that, I do overreact. Maybe I should call Mike and apologise.
 * Leonard: No. No, no, that, that would be underreacting. He did break the implied confidentiality of the bedroom and, in your case, the elevator, parks and fast food franchise.
 * Penny: Yes. You’re right. I should just say I’m done with him.
 * Leonard: Yes, you should, go ahead, say it.
 * Penny: But I never gave the man a chance to explain.
 * Leonard: What is there to explain, it’s all right here, it’s a betrayal.
 * Penny: No, you were right the first time, this is a man who loves me, but in his own stupid way he was just trying to show people how he feels.
 * Leonard: I’m pretty sure I never said that.
 * Penny: No, you did better than that, you helped me see it on my own.
 * Leonard: Aw, good for me. Where are you going?
 * Penny: I’m going over to Mike’s. Leonard, thank you so much.
 * Leonard: Oh, sure. Huh, maybe I am her gay friend


 * (The scene where the extremely upset Penny storms into Apartment 4A be more angry with Leonard for one second)
 * Penny: (she angrily yells so loudly at Leonard) Thank you so much for your stupid advice.
 * (Penny slams the door again and Sheldon, Howard and Raj now turn their heads in shock to the very depressed Leonard)
 * Raj: (He speaks to Leonard in surprise) Incredible. You managed to screw up the screw-up.
 * (Raj now gazes at the board game)


 * Leonard: (knocking and entering) I’m back.
 * Penny: I’m sorry I yelled at you. It’s not your fault.
 * Leonard: What happened?
 * Penny: Well, I went over to Mike’s to make up with him.
 * Leonard: Yeah, I know, I know that part.
 * Penny: But he had already moved on.
 * Leonard: Already, that was quick.
 * Penny: That’s what I said to the woman who had her legs wrapped around his neck.
 * Leonard: Oh, Penny, I am so sorry.
 * Penny: How could he do that.
 * Leonard: Oh, well, you know, you did throw an 8 gig iPod… yeah, no, how could he do that.
 * Penny: I swear to God, I am done with guys like that. You know, macho, with the perfect body and the hair, and the money.
 * Leonard: Yeah, that must get old quick.
 * Penny: You know, just once, I would like to go out with someone who is nice, and honest, and who actually cares about me.
 * Leonard: What about me?
 * Penny: What about you what?
 * Leonard: What about if you went out with me?
 * Penny: Are you asking me out?
 * Leonard: Um… yes… I am… asking you out.
 * Penny: Wow.
 * Leonard: I was just going off your comment about the nice guy…
 * Penny: No, I know, I got that. Yeah, totally.
 * Leonard: (continuing through Penny): …thing and honest but, it’s no big deal…
 * Penny: Yes.
 * Leonard: Yes what?
 * Penny: Yes, I will go out with you.
 * Leonard: Really?
 * Penny: Yeah. Why not, I mean, what do I have to lose?
 * Leonard: Yeah. That’s the spirit.


 * Penny: Sheldon, do you have anything to say that has anything to do with, you know, what I’m talking about.
 * Sheldon: Well, let’s see. We might consider Schrödinger’s Cat.
 * Penny: Schrödinger? Is that the woman in 2A?
 * Sheldon: No. That’s Mrs Grossinger. And she doesn’t have a cat, she has a Mexican hairless, annoying little animal, yip yip yip yip…
 * Penny: Sheldon!
 * Sheldon: Sorry, you diverted me. Anyway, in 1935, Erwin Schrödinger, in an attempt to explain the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics, he proposed an experiment where a cat is placed in a box with a sealed vial of poison that will break open at a random time. Now, since no-one knows when or if the poison has been released, until the box is opened, the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead.
 * Penny: I’m sorry, I don’t get the point.
 * Sheldon: Well of course you don’t get it, I haven’t made it yet. You’d have to be psychic to get it, and there’s no such thing as psychic.
 * Penny: Sheldon, what’s the point?
 * Sheldon: Just like Schrödinger’s Cat, your potential relationship with Leonard right now can be thought of as both good and bad. It is only by opening the box that you’ll find out which it is.
 * Penny: Okay, so you’re saying I should go out with Leonard.
 * Sheldon: No, no, no, no, no, no. Let me start again. In 1935, Erwin Schrödinger…


 * (Leonard knocks on Penny's door.)
 * Penny: Hi.
 * Leonard: Hi.
 * Penny: come on in.
 * Leonard: Thank you. You look very nice.
 * Penny: Thank you. So do you.
 * Leonard: I made an eight o’clock reservation.
 * Penny: Okay, great, listen, um, maybe we should talk first.
 * Leonard: Oh. Okay. But before you say anything, have you ever heard of Schrödinger’s Cat?
 * Penny: Actually, I’ve heard far too much about Schrödinger’s Cat.
 * Leonard: Good. (He grabs her and kisses her.)
 * Penny: Alright, the cat’s alive, let’s go to dinner.


 * [The really furious Penny comes storming in to the apartment during the opening scene]
 * Penny: (she is so enormously angry) I need to use your window.
 * Leonard: Oh, yeah, no, sure, go ahead.
 * Penny: (she opens the window to yell with loud anger) Hey Jerkface, you forgot your iPod!
 * (Penny angrily throws it out the window. Leonard hears a small sound of the iPod crashing onto the street and Penny slams the window in a rage).
 * Leonard: What’s going on?
 * Penny: Oh, I’ll tell you what’s going on, that stupid self-centred bastard wrote about our sex life in his blog. (Out of window) Drop dead, you stupid self-centred bastard! (To Leonard) Thank you. (exit)
 * Sheldon: Okay, where were we?
 * Howard: Not now, I have a blog to find.