The Big Beef at the Royal Diner

Previously on Bones...

I know you love to invent things, Dr. Hodgins, but you do not have permission to do that here.

Warren: You should totally invent an unbreakable beaker.

You are gonna make the Jeffersonian a mint.

Jeffersonian wants nothing to do with my little side project.

This is ours.

Arastoo, what's going on?

It's my brother, Hamid. In Iran.

He's sick. I have to go back, make sure he's getting the best care...

Can't go back, you were exiled.

I booked a flight, Cam. It leaves in a few hours.

Any big emotional change, even good, can trigger a relapse with an addict.

I know these guys, okay? I've been playing with them. I know their tells. We get the evidence you need and I make the arrest.

I don't understand-- he just read your text.

He might have too good of a hand. He's an addict.

And you checked in with your sponsor?

Why do I feel like I'm being interrogated?

Listen, I need to put $200 on the Cardinals.

Step on it, you pathetic weaklings!

My grandmother can move faster than you, and she's been dead 20 years!

I thought this was supposed to be an exercise boot camp, not a real boot camp.

You want to get rid of your muffin-top or not?

At this point, lipo seems less painful.

You. Suzie Soccer Mom. On your feet.

Gather around, pansies. Double time, double time.

(panting) Okay.

Now... Suzie Q here's gonna show us all how to scale the climbing wall.

You want... Maybe someone else should go first.

Did you or did you not sign up for this boot camp exercise class?

Sir, I did, it's just, it's so tall and I'm so...

Save your whining for the PTA and let me see you shift that ten-ton truck of yours into gear.

Move it, soldier!

Let me see you put some wiggle in that jiggle!

Okay. Come on.

(grunting)

Woman: Come on, girl.

You got it.

You're almost there.

Come on.

(whoops)

Yeah.

There. I did it.

Man: Good job.

Great, nice.

Whoa, oh, my... whoa!

(screams)

Oh! Oh, my God, oh, my God.

What now? Oh, God.

Someone get a boo-boo?

(whimpering)

I just wanted to lose the baby weight.

All right, all right, it's-it's gonna be okay.

Look, it's gonna be okay. Come on. (grunts)

Whoa, look at that, huh?

To celebrate the Flyers' win last night, huh?

Dad's famous pancakes.

Can you tell me what that is?

It looks like a pelvic girdle.

Pelv... What?

No, no, no, it's Mickey Mouse.

Oh, she's right, Booth. There's the pubis there, and the ilia.

No, no, don't listen to your mommy. See the... See the mouse ears right there? You see that?

Booth, there's nothing wrong with Christine showing an interest in human anatomy.

She's four years old.

She should be, you know, interested in maple syrup and cartoon mice.

Look, Mommy, I'm eating the sacrum.

Uh, technically, sweetheart, that's the ischium, but very good.

Mommy and Me anatomy.

Isn't that fun?

My teacher's helping, too.

♪ The toe bone's connected to the ♪ ♪ Foot bone ♪ ♪ The foot bone's connected to the ♪ ♪ Ankle bone ♪

I love that song. Huh?

Both: ♪ The neck bone's connected to the ♪ ♪ Back bone, the back bone's ♪ ♪ Connected to the ♪ ♪ Chest bone... ♪

Brennan: No, no, no...

There's no such thing as the chest bone.

Your teacher shouldn't be singing that.

The chest is comprised of the hyoid, the clavicle, sternum, and-and the ribs.

Bones, she's four years ol...

(phones ding)

Oh, all right, got a job.

Ooh.

Body was found buried in a shallow grave in the woods at Leakin Park.

Murder and pancakes. What a way to start the morning. We can drop Christine off at the preschool on the way. All right?

Can we sing the bones song in the car, Daddy?

Well, why don't we stick with "Wheels on the Bus"?

I don't know anything that rhymes with clavicle, do you?

No. Exactly.

(sirens wailing, indistinct police radio chatter)

The narrow pelvic inlet and flat profile of the skull indicate the victim was a Caucasian male, but it seems that his body was crushed by some kind of weight.

That would be the woman who landed on him over there.

Mm-mm.

Brennan: Oh. Well, separating the peri from postmortem injuries will be quite challenging.

What's that smell?

Uh, someone doused the victim in corrosive chemicals.

So it was a body dump.

Yeah, but I've never seen this pattern of decomposition before.

Hodgins: It looks like a mixture of acids and bases, further decomposing the tissue in some areas, while neutralizing it in others.

Great, so it was an amateur job. That's good for us.

I'll run an analysis back at the lab, see if I can figure out what kind of corrosives were used.

Great.

Uh, did you just say that... the dirt had acid in it?

Probably, but the damage could have been caused...

...by a caustic base...

Ladies. Your clothes have chemicals on them. You need to take immediate evasive measures.

Now! Get naked!

I mean, is this really necessary?

Not at all.

♪ Bones 10x16 ♪ The Big Beef at the Royal Diner Original Air Date on April 30, 2015

♪ Main Title Theme ♪ The Crystal Method ♪

Well that woman from boot camp really did some damage.

I agree.

There are fractures to the ribs, clavicle, and the T6 through T9 vertebrae.

And his clothes are covered in food stains.

Ah, it just keeps getting better and better.

Evidence of diffuse idiopathic skeletal hypertosis on the victim's spine suggests he was diabetic.

Diabetes makes sense, given the extra organs I found. Uh, two pancreases and three kidneys, to be exact.

Isn't it "pancrei"?

Pancreases.

"Pancreata" is also acceptable.

Oh, this scar tissue would indicate that the victim had both a kidney and a pancreas transplant.

Oh, I can use the United Network of Organ Sharing database to see if I can find a match.

Yes. That's what I'm talking about, baby. Yeah.

Aubrey: You look happy.

Oh, yeah, I just got a, uh, good report from Christine's, uh, preschool teacher.

She did really good.

You know, parents get, you know, excited about stuff like that.

Well, in that case, got a little coffee, donuts to celebrate.

Sure, yeah. What's that? That...

Oh, uh, just a, uh, egg sandwich and some hash browns. Little pick-me-up before lunch.

Well, you're not gonna want to eat after you see this. Oh, let me hold it. You got grease all over your hands.

Our victim's Chili Reuben?

Yeah. Figured you'd know him.

Yeah, but who doesn't?

Gettin' Spicy with Chili Reuben is one of the best shows on TV.

I've never seen it.

Seriously?

Seriously. If I want to watch a guy put down a side of ribs, two milkshakes and a double cheeseburger in half an hour, I got you.

Thank you.

Here, I'll show you.

Easy-- you got your greasy paws all over my keyboard.

Watch this.

Man: This week on Gettin' Spicy with Chili Reuben, you're gonna want to fasten your seatbelts, because things are about to get muy caliente in the Spicemobile.

I know how to cook 'em.

And I know how to eat 'em.

And there isn't a greasy spoon in this country I haven't hit. Mmm.

God, that turkey leg looks so good.

All right, let's go back to the Web site.

Ah, here's something.

Look at the Twitter feed, huh?

Supposedly he was in D.C. last week shooting a new episode.

I can't believe I missed him.

When he wasn't dead.

Tell you what, maybe the producer's still in town and we can talk to him.

Oh.

It's a good lead.

Hey, you got a minute?

Uh, hang on. I'm cross-referencing the chemicals you found on the victim to see what products might match.

Okay.

Shoot.

I got a call today from a company that wants to manufacture the honeycomb-structured ultra rubber covering that I invented.

Oh. Honey, that's amazing.

Do you think it's legit?

Well, I'm having a lawyer look over the offer now, but if this checks out, this could be huge, Angie.

Yeah?

What do you think, like, money huge?

They're only offering a small advance up front, but I will get one dollar for every unit sold, and they are projecting to ship 20 million units to start.

Oh... Oh, my God.

20 million?

Yeah.

Whoa.

(laughs)

Hold on. Does, um...

Okay. Wow.

Does Cam know about this?

I mean, how do you think she's gonna react? If she hadn't prevented you from working on it here, the... the Jeffersonian would be getting most of that money.

Yeah.

You know what, let's just wait and see if it all works out first.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah.

(computer beeps)

Okay. So... looks like the sodium hydroxide and sulfuric acid came from commercial cleaning substances.

Drain cleaners.

They're both common brands, so that's not gonna help us much.

20 million units.

Just saying.

I can't believe Chili is dead.

We worked together for many years.

On the show, Chili made it seem like the whole crew was family.

Like that one episode, season two, the Spicemobile slid into the ditch 'cause of all the cooking oil.

Yeah. So you guys were close, though?

Chili and I had a real yin and yang thing going on, you know?

I was the calm one, Chili was the-the boisterous one. We were always friends.

Right. When was the last time you saw him?

Friday afternoon.

We spent the day shooting at different diners in D.C.

After we wrapped, Chili got into the Spicemobile and drove off to do his own thing.

Well, we found his car keys in his pocket and we already put out a, uh, search on the vehicle.

Are you aware of any enemies he may have had?

Oh, look, Chili, he... he may have had a big personality, but, uh...

And he could be a bit of a hothead.

I'm not gonna deny that, but people generally liked him.

Okay, look, we're gonna have to take a look at all the tapes that you shot while you were here in D.C.

Oh, yeah. Be my guest. Uh, there's a ton of footage because we haven't cut it together yet.

Bet there's some amazing stuff in there.

I'm happy to go through that.

For the team.

Why don't you go back to your monitor?

Right.

(electric whirring)

Oh. Mmm.

Best fish tacos this side of the Mississippi.

Mm-hmm.

Up high. Yeah.

He's right, that place is amazing.

(whirring)

Man (distorted): Rolling. And action.

Oh, yeah.

Chicken and waffle ice cream might sound like these guys are winging it, but trust me, this stuff is mmm, mmm, mmm, finger lickin' good.

Well, that's interesting.

Oh, I think they deliver if you want to split a pint.

No, no, I'm talking about Chili's earring.

Does he always wear that?

Oh, yeah. That's his signature-- the ruby chili pepper.

Well, it wasn't in any of the evidence collected at the crime scene.

Well, maybe a crazed fan got him? I'll have the techs check the dump site again.

Booth: Judging from the review on Chili's Twitter feed, the guy didn't pull any punches.

Read that one.

Perhaps one of the local restauranteurs decided to take their revenge?

Mm-mm. Not in the D.C. area.

According to all the footage that we have so far, Chili, he's given nothing but positive reviews.

You still looking at, uh, the Twitter feed?

No. I'm-I'm looking for words that rhyme with... lachrymal, trapezium and... pisiform.

Right.

Sorry I asked.

Well, I want to compose an anatomically correct bones song for Christine, but songwriting is more difficult than I thought.

Well, it would help if you were musically inclined.

Well, what I need is a bone that rhymes with ethmoid.

What about scaphoid?

More coffee?

(chuckles): Wow. Hey, wow, you speak squint, JoAnne.

Think I spent ten years serving her lunch without picking up a thing or two?

Oh, by the way, uh, sphenoid and cuboid would also work.

Thank you, JoAnne.

Although, I do recall asking for no olives in my salad.

Ah.

Oh, I-I'm sorry about that, Doc.

I mean, I would have Frankie make you another one, except he's kind of in a foul mood.

Frankie: Hurry up! I need those fries!

You... you know, I'll pick 'em out for you.

Thank you.

Okay, here we go. That's... my...

(phone ringing)

Oh, phone call.

I got it.

I got it. Um...

It's Aubrey.

Aubrey, you solve the case?

Of the six greasy spoons that Chili visited in D.C., he gave all but one a positive review.

So we got a motive?

Yeah, and it's one that you're not gonna like.

Listen to this.

"The best burgers in the district"?

Maybe if you had your taste buds removed!

(spits)

The Royal Diner should be charbroiled and fed to dogs!

Right. Thanks.

What's wrong, Booth?

Well, we had a lead in the case, so we may have a suspect.

Why do you look so disappointed?

Because, um...

(whispers): 'cause it's Frankie.

Frankie: How many times do I have tell you?!

Keep your mouth shut and do what I say!

Now get back to work!

That's... Wow.

Frankie?

Order up!

Adam and Eve on a raft, wrecked.

Cowboy with spurs.

Cowboy with spurs!

Would you look at this-- my two best customers.

Good to see you, Frankie, yep.

I'd like to visit, but... lunch rush.

Booth: I really hate to do this to you, Frankie, but, um...

Look, uh, you know, well, Chili Reuben was found dead, and this was the last place that he gave a bad review.

We know this is difficult for you, but we have to ask you a few questions.

Just a couple questions, that's all.

You're not saying that I killed him?

I feed you for the last ten years every day, and this is how you treat me.

Booth: I mean, look, hey, I'd be upset, too.

I'd be really angry if somebody trashed my work.

In his video, Chili called your burgers "bland and unmemorable."

I think they're good.

Chili trashed my food because I refused to pay him three grand for a good review.

I'm not paying blood money to some TV blowhard.

He tried to extort you?

Was there any witnesses?

Well, the only one back here in the kitchen is my dishwasher, Glen.

Excuse me.

FBI Special Agent...

Booth. Sir, can you put that down, please?

Sorry about that.

You wouldn't happen to have overheard Chili try to squeeze some money from my friend Frankie here?

I don't pay much attention to anything that's not my job.

Okay.

Frankie won't let me.

Glen: Right, Frankie?

Mm-hmm.

You should really drop it and leave me alone.

You know I can't do that.

That's like you dropping your fries and putting them back on the plate.

Man, I got to talk to you-- it's my job, Frankie.

Dr. Hodgins, have you found anything that might tell us what Chili was up to the night he was murdered?

You mean other than gorging himself?

Because so far all I have are fried potatoes, canola oil, beef, ketchup...

Well, I found evidence of alcohol and marijuana in his blood, so clearly, food wasn't his only indulgence.

There is one other thing that I found--

I am pretty sure that he had hyperhidrosis.

Ooh.

Excessive perspiration-- he just gets more and more appealing, doesn't he?

Don't turn your nose up at sweat.

Our armpits have a story to tell.

Edison: Yeah, from what I read of the victim's file, I'm guessing that is no fairy tale.

Clark! What are you doing here?

Well, I saw this in the paper, and then Cam called.

Look, if Frankie is Chili's killer, then that means JoAnne and the other waitresses will probably lose their jobs.

Yeah, and we may lose our favorite lunch spot.

Saroyan: Not that our history with the diner will affect our ability to remain impartial.

But if another set of eyes could help... You are a good, kind woman, Camille Saroyan.

Just doing my job.

Speaking of which, shouldn't you be in the bone room, Dr. Edison?

Yes, of course, but there is something that I want to show you first, so...

Okay, I lied.

I have nothing to show you.

I'm confused.

Okay, normally, I wouldn't put myself in the middle of these kind of things, and... they have the potential to, uh, get a little awkward, so...

Do you mind cutting to the chase, Dr. Edison?

It's Arastoo.

Arastoo?

You heard from him? From Iran?

Yes. He e-mailed me.

It's not weird, because we're friends.

Is something wrong? Is he okay?

Nothing's wrong.

That's the point.

He just wanted me to reassure you that everything's fine.

Is there a reason why he didn't tell me this himself?

He said he did tell you, more than once, but you didn't seem to believe him.

Well, because going back to Iran could get him arrested.

Yeah, but he hasn't been.

He's been with his brother-- that's the only reason he hasn't written more.

He said Hamid isn't doing very well.

No.

But Arastoo is fine, Dr. Saroyan.

And me worrying just makes it harder for him--

I get it.

No, I...

I didn't say that.

No, not in an obvious way.

And for that... well, thank you.

(phone chimes)

Oh. (clears throat)

Okay. Oh, techs have combed the dump site three times so far, and no sign of the chili pepper earring.

(sighs) Well, maybe... maybe Chili was a sloppy drunk, and someone took advantage of him and stole it from him.

Well, if those rubies are real, that could be a pretty valuable earring.

Yeah, wouldn't be the first time that a robbery went wrong.

I pulled Chili's financials.

Turns out he was flat broke.

Wait a second, how does the star of a hit TV show end up broke?

Well, according to these records, a series of foolish investments, bad overspending, sports cars, houses in Aspen, Nantucket, Miami.

Plus, the man did like his bling.

Someone else did, too.

We found his earring at a local pawnshop.

Someone came in and pawned his earring two hours before Chili was killed.

We get an I.D. on him?

Got a receipt.

(beeping)

Lists him as Brian Terrio.

Montenegro: Sorry to interrupt, but...

I'm enhancing the pawnshop security footage, and I think I have a match.

Looks like the name's a fake.

Booth: So Brian Terrio is really Kenneth Morton.

Why does that name sound familiar?

Because he worked on Chili's TV show.

Morton was the sound guy, and he's got a record.

Wow, look at the rap sheet, huh?

Breaking and entering, petty theft.

Crew's still at the hotel.

All right, sounds good.

Thanks, Angela.

You got it.

Take a look at this, Dr. Edison.

Fractures on the victim's left temporal and parietal bones that appear to have been caused by blunt force trauma from a single point of impact.

Well, they must be from something big.

The fractures extend all the way from the coronal suture, maxillary and zygomatic process.

By measuring them, you might be able to determine the size and shape of the object that struck Chili's skull.

(exhales)

Dr. Brennan, I'm confused about these notes.

I wasn't aware that we found injuries to the frontal, nasal, vomer or nasal conchae.

Oh, those aren't for this case.

Those are lyrics to a song I'm writing for Christine about the human skeletal system.

Oh, that's very nice.

Well, if I was to write a song about all the fractures I found on these ribs, it might take an entire opera.

They appear to run along a diagonal line across the sternal ribs, from three... all the way down to rib eight on the left side.

Well, Chili clearly got whacked there with something, too.

Brennan: Judging from the curvature of the indentations, the weapon must have had a cylindrical shape, like... a golf club or pool cue.

Or maybe...

...something like this.

The sound man's boom pole.

Aubrey: So... two days ago your boss gets murdered, today we pick you up at the bus station, two grand in your pocket, about to skip town.

I was going to Philadelphia to visit my mother in the hospital.

You do realize that we have footage of you pawning Chili's earring using a fake name.

I only did that because he told me to.

Okay. Did Chili tell you to... whack him in the ribs using your boom pole, too?

(chuckles): No, no, it wasn't like that.

Chili and I were at some bar, and he wanted to...

"take the party up a notch."

So he gave me his earring and... told me to pawn it and buy him some crank.

Oh.

And you thought, what a good idea!

He was my boss, so yeah.

I couldn't find any.

I texted Chili, told him, but he never texted me back.

So you kept the money.

(laughs): Yeah. And kept my mouth shut.

It wouldn't have looked too good after he died.

Yeah, no, you're right.

And it still doesn't.

(exhales)

Hey. You, uh, located the Spicemobile?

Huh? No, no, not yet. Why?

Oh. Well, you couldn't wait to see me, so I figured you were knee-deep in particulates.

Uh, no, but we are knee-deep in Benjamins.

I just got the paper back from the lawyer, and now they are projecting that we're going to sell 40 million units the first year alone, and they just gave me a $2 million advance. (laughs)

What?!

(quietly): Oh, my God.

Yeah.

(laughing): Oh, my God!

Is this really happening?

(laughing): Yes.

And I don't know why I'm so excited, because it's not like I've never been rich before.

Well, yeah, but that was family money-- this is the first time you're rich because of something you did, alone.

Yeah. Yeah.

The hard thing now, though, is, like...

I mean, I just, I got to figure out how to tell Cam.

Saroyan: Tell Cam what?

Uh...

Aubrey: I just heard back from the hospital in Philly-- Morton's story checks out.

So the mother really is sick?

Yep. He's telling the truth.

Maybe. Let's see if the bartender confirms seeing Chili at the bar with Morton.

You have no trust; I like it, though.

Yup. That's the jerk who gave me the black eye.

Wait a second, you and Chili fought?

About 20 minutes after his friend left.

I mean, that Chili guy was hammered.

Aubrey: You do realize that according to Chili's colleague, your bar was the last place Chili was seen alive?

Hey, look, I don't know nothing about no murder.

Last time I seen that fool, I was kicking his ass out the door, just like I do all the obnoxious drunks.

So in other words, you... you let a customer who was completely intoxicated get behind the wheel of a car?

I took his keys-- that's when the fight started.

That's how I ended up with this.

Right.

You guys were fighting outside.

You know what I'm thinking, I'm thinking maybe they're getting into this big brawl outside, things escalate, this guy, you know, thinks he's above it all, because he's famous, right?

You get angry, you hit him more than once, and, well...

I was trying to help the dude.

He decked me-- that's when he took his keys back and he drove off.

Any idea where he went?

No clue.

At that point, I was just happy to see him go.

You remember the honeycomb-structured ultra rubber covering that I was working on?

Um, I sold it.

Oh, c-congratulations.

For...

$2 million.

That is just the advance.

Sorry.

So, I just wanted to make sure, you know, that there were no hard feelings...

Wait, wait, wait.

If I had let you test that in the lab, most of that money would've gone to the Jeffersonian?

Uh, legally, yes.

Oh, my God.

You're-you're pissed.

Why? I followed every rule, every protocol, and for once I'm not the bad guy.

Wait, you're happy about this?

Are you kidding?

I-I couldn't be happier.

Two of my best, most dedicated colleagues won the lottery, and it's all because of some bloated bureaucratic rule book?

(laughing): Th-This is j... this is...

It's wonderful!

Gee.

I wish we could go out and celebrate, you guys paying, of course, but we-we've got a case.

Right.

And I got the results from the test on his hair follicles.

It turns out Chili did have a crank habit, but there's no evidence he used the day he was murdered.

Well, if Chili wanted crank and Morton didn't get it for him, then maybe he just went and got it for himself.

I found abrasions on Chili's right metacarpals and second, third, and fourth proximal phalanges.

That would be consistent with the bartender's description of the fight.

Yes. But I would prefer that we find evidence that points to something we don't know.

We will.

We are quite a team, Clark.

Yes. We are.

You know, it-it just always kind of weirds me out when you refer to me by my first name.

Temperance.

Hmm. I thought you couldn't bring yourself to use mine.

Yeah, I gave it a shot.

I got to tell you, it hurt a little bit, but... it made it easier for me, to, um, give you this.

I couldn't get the idea of your song out of my head, so I jotted down a few words for you.

"From the incus to the coccyx, the stapes "to the talus, you better watch your ethmoid and vomer when you're driving top down in Dallas."

Hmm, very clever.

Well, thank you.

You know... you know, if you have any more ideas that you want for your song, you know, um, we're quite the team, I've been told.

I would welcome your help.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey. Take a look at this hairline fracture on the margin of the glenoid fossa of the right scapula.

It seems to... extend all the way down to the olecranon fossa of the ulna.

From the amount of remodeling, these injuries are at least three weeks old.

So it seems that Chili had been in more than one fight recently.

Because he didn't behave decently.

He plays the nice guy facetiously.

Get it. Get it, Dr. Brennan. Get...

Perhaps one song at a time.

Yeah. Of course.

Dr. Ed...

Dr. Edison, uh, can I have a word with you?

Oh. Yes, Dr. Saroyan.

"Hungry, sleep-deprived, and in need of a shower.

But otherwise, all is well.

Miss you. Love, Arastoo."

So, this e-mail worries you why?

Wh-What if he's been arrested and this is some kind of code?

Starvation and sleep deprivation are very common forms of torture.

Oh, okay. But so is being hungry and tired because you're in the hospital all day with your dying brother.

B-But I've tried to call him for the last two hours and he's not picking up.

Yeah, okay.

That's because it's the middle of the night there.

You think I'm making too much of this, don't you?

No, those are your words, not mine.

I j...

(sighs)

I was fine. I really was.

(stammers)

And then all of a sudden this wave of worry comes over me and I am just... I am convinced that something horrible has happened to him. I can't stop it.

Okay.

Okay, look, it's understandable.

You're so used to controlling things, and you just can't in this case.

So now I'm a control freak?

What?

No. No, no. I'm not...

(stammers) First of all, I didn't say "freak."

No, no...

We're-we're good.

Thank you. We're done.

(sighs)

You know, this isn't my fault, Dr. Saroyan.

Look, if I could, I would take all your worry away.

I just can't.

I'm sorry. I...

I guess I'm-I'm... just... looking for a reason why all this is happening.

Something that...

(sighs) something that would satisfy a control freak.

But... if you'll just be honest with me if you hear anything...

Dr. Saroyan...

...I'm a very bad liar.

(chuckles) I think that's why Arastoo chose me to reassure you.

I just wish I had done a better job.

(sniffles)

Wow, this neighborhood is horrible, isn't it?

Uh, yeah.

So why the smile, Doc?

In the field.

Gives me a rush.

It's like I'm taking my life into my own hands.

Well, I'm not sure you're taking your life in your hands.

I mean, I'm armed, there are cops here.

Just saying, I'm not intimidated. Booth knows that.

Which is why he said, "You take him, Aubrey. I'll stay here."

Exactly. Oh, there it is.

Thanks. Might have missed it.

Wow. I can't believe that I am actually seeing the Spicemobile in person.

(flies buzzing)

Oh. And smelling it.

Yeah, this place is ripe.

It's pretty disappointing to find out your hero's a total slob.

Eh, I disagree.

There are no particulates as good as slob particulates.

At least he added a navigation system.

If Angela can tell us where Chili drove over the past week, it might lead us to his killer.

Oh, wow. This slob makes pigs look dainty.

All right, you know what, we're just gonna take the entire van back to the lab.

I'll bet this was delicious once.

Aubrey, please don't eat that.

(sniffs)

Booth: Bones. Hey.

Booth, what are you doing here?

Well, I was doing some digging into, uh, Chili Reuben's shoulder injury, and it turns out he was in Memphis in the emergency room three weeks ago.

Memphis?

Yeah, he was there, um, shooting some episodes of the show.

That's very interesting. But you could've just told me this on the phone.

I got you this.

Booth.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Like it?

Love it.

Yeah. Let me help you... put it on.

Here you go. Thanks.

Okay.

Kind of resembles a humerus bone, right?

Well, if you curved it, I suppose.

How does it look?

Like I made the right choice.

It is quite exquisite.

I was... talking about you.

I made the right choice.

I'm just so lucky to have you as my wife.

I have something for you, too.

For me?

Well, what are you doing with my gambling sobriety chip?

I found it in the laundry.

I must have left it in my pocket.

It's not like you, Booth.

You always know where your chip is.

Well, you know what, I know where it is now because of you.

Did you find anything useful in Chili's navigation system?

Yes. I hacked into its history and pulled up all the maps of where Chili traveled during this past week in D.C.

It turns out on four of the six days Chili was in town, he left the diners he was reviewing to drive to more respectable restaurants.

And he did the same thing in other cities.

Sounds like the King of the Greasy Spoon didn't practice what he preached.

And I downloaded his calendar from the cloud.

These are the people he ate with.

Who are they?

Reality TV show producers.

I thought he already had a producer.

Looks like he wanted to get rid of him.

Producer: Why would I kill him?

Without Chili, I don't have a show.

Chili was firing you from the show that you two created together.

Okay? Logic goes out the window when you're in a rage, Sid.

I-I had no idea that that disloyal b*st*rd was planning to replace me.

I think you found out what Chili was up to when you were down in Memphis.

Hmm? You two fought, you sent him to the E.R.

Then three weeks later, you decided to finish him off.

Chili went to the hospital in Memphis because he jumped out of a moving car when I tried to take him to rehab.

Rehab?

Yeah. I mean, this guy, he was seriously screwed up.

Between the-the drinking and-and the drugs and all the one-night stands, do you know how many waitresses I had to pay off so they wouldn't leak their stories to the tabloids?

So what are you still doing in town then, Sid?

I mean, if Chili's gone, there's no more show, is there?

Well, the network is, uh... is forcing me to finish the episode without him.

Uh, they expect the ratings to go through the roof now that he's dead.

Oh, that's interesting.

So you get fired from the show and your career's in the toilet, but if you end on a ratings high note, then you're hot property, right?

There's evidence of blood on the floor back here, and it looks like someone tried to clean it up.

Well, it could belong to Chili or to his killer.

Wow.

It isn't gonna be easy to find evidence of a struggle in this mess.

I cannot believe that anyone would treat such a fantastic vehicle like a rolling Roman food orgy.

Uh, that orgy may not have been exclusively for food.

We have body fluids.

Ew. Well, if the van's a-rockin'...

Yep.

And judging from the amount of hydration, they're fairly recent.

Do you smell something?

Yeah, I'm trying not to.

I don't know. It's something floral.

But that could be a good thing for us. Yeah.

If I can actually get an air sample and run it through the gas chromatograph, I should be able to isolate the smell and reformulate it chemically.

Okay.

While you do that, I'm gonna see what I can get from the fluids.

Sounds good.

Smell you later.

Dr. Brennan, I've already examined the skull.

Yes, but based on the defensive wounds we found earlier, I decided to take another look, and I found something very interesting.

Edison: There's a crescent-shaped bruise on the occipital.

How did we miss this?

Well, it's likely we didn't notice it before because it was hidden under Chili's hair plug scars.

I'd like to take another look at the X-rays of our skull.

You seem agitated, Dr. Edison.

Well, no, "frustrated" is more accurate.

We've only used 187 bones in the song so far, and I'm having second thoughts about rhyming "calcaneus" with "malleus."

It's...

Anxiety is a perfectly normal physiological response to the vulnerability that comes with engaging in a creative endeavor.

Oh, that's good to know.

Look. I knew I saw something.

There's a tiny missing fragment on the occipital.

Something must have hit him there.

Though the force of the hit doesn't appear to be strong enough to kill him.

Yes, but still, if we found the implement that was used to make this, it could lead us to our killer.

Hodgins: So I isolated all the aromas that weren't food-based into their own individual compounds, which I then reformulated into a condensed, more intensified version.

Saroyan: Look, before you turn on the Smell-O-Vision, Dr. Hodgins, I just want to thank you both for being here today.

Uh... it's kind of our job.

I realize that, but anyone else who got a check for $2 million probably would have taken the day off.

Oh.

Yeah, I guess that's true. I...

I didn't even think about that.

Saroyan: Which is why I said thank you.

I hope I haven't given you any ideas.

No.

No. No, no.

Look, first of all, we know how quickly it can disappear, and we love our jobs, so... sniffers ready.

All right, so far, I have identified benzaldehyde, ethyl acetate, sage...

This is gonna be tough, but...

Saroyan: It's perfume.

I'd recognize that perfume anywhere.

It's JoAnne.

Uh, who's JoAnne?

JoAnne's the waitress at the Royal Diner.

She never mentioned that her and Chili got personal.

In the back of the Spicemobile, no less.

Based on the injuries to the side of Chili's head, I'm not so sure that that encounter was consensual.

JoAnne: There was no assault.

Chili and I hooked up in the back of his Spicemobile.

Consensually.

I'm not proud of it, but last I checked, it's not a crime.

No, but lying to the FBI is.

I didn't want Frankie to know that I slept with the guy who was about to trash our diner on national TV.

Hey, look, maybe you just got angry at Chili because he used you for s*x, so you... you took something off the spice rack, you smashed him in the face, next thing you know, he's dead.

No.

The only way I could have injured him was with a partial disruption of his posterior sacroiliac complex.

If you know what I'm saying.

Why is she talking like you?

It means an injury caused by excessive movement of the pelvis during s*x.

Nicely described, JoAnne.

Thank you.

Look, I mean... just one of those things.

It was a... quickie in the back of a van.

It was nice to feel like a kid again.

And what happened after that?

Nothing.

He took off in the van.

That's the last I've seen of him.

Look, you know what?

If we're done here, I need to go back to work.

I do make most of my living on tips.

Oh, hold on.

I got a tip for you.

I wouldn't think about leaving town.

I may have to talk to you again.

You can forget about your free refills.

What?

And the trapezoid, radius, scapula, lunate, hamate ♪ ♪ The bones in the arm, they run the full gamut... ♪

Very nice, Dr. Brennan.

I had no idea you were so talented.

Oh. Yes.

Sometimes I surprise myself.

Right.

Well, I got the test results from the blood in the back of the van.

It isn't JoAnne's, and it isn't Chili's, either.

Well, it could still belong to the killer.

Not unless Chili was murdered by a double cheeseburger.

Turns out it's beef blood.

Oh. I was hoping for more of a clue.

We all were.

Dr. Brennan, can I ask you a question?

Oh. If I can sing while inspecting the bones, I can certainly converse.

Do you think... do you think Arastoo didn't ask me to go to Iran with him because I've been so noncommittal about the whole marriage thing?

I imagine everyone is telling you that he'll be fine over there.

Yeah, but I...

I can't stop worrying.

Of course not.

The truth is, Arastoo could be arrested in Iran or even executed.

If you were with him, you would have been in danger, too.

He knew that.

Wow.

Thanks for... not holding back.

Arastoo loves you, Cam.

Whether or not you marry him.

That's why he didn't want you to... go with him.

I would have done the same thing.

So would I.

Then you should feel better.

I do. Yes.

Thank you.

Dr. Brennan asked me to take another look at the X-rays of the skull.

I think I might have found something.

Now, it's pretty small, but there appears to be evidence of hemorrhagic staining on the tympanomastoid.

Maybe you could swab it.

Yeah.

It's the ear canal, right?

Well, technically, it's the bone surrounding it.

But you know what the strange thing is?

Chili showed no sign of cerebrovascular trauma.

Without that, hemorrhagic staining to the tympanomastoid could only mean one thing.

Chili drowned.

That would explain why we missed it before.

Forensically, drowning has no diagnostic features.

And Chili's lung tissue was too damaged by the corrosives to show evidence of excessive fluid.

Plus... this crescent-shaped bruise to the occipital is the same size and shape of a sink faucet.

If Chili was killed at the diner, then the particulates and missing fragment may still be in the drain catch.

Oh, yeah.

So, according to Chili's injuries, the killer pushed him against the edge of the sink, causing the line of fractures along the lower ribs.

Edison: Then, when Chili tried to raise his head to gasp for air, he banged his head on the faucet, bruising his occipital.

If that graphic is accurate, the faucet at the diner looks too small to have left that mark on his head.

Yeah, you're right.

Hodgins: Well, I reexamined Chili's lung tissue, and I found evidence of glycerin, sodium sulfate, hydrolyzed vegetable protein...

Aren't those ingredients common in the types of drain cleaner used to decompose the body?

Hodgins: That's what I assumed, until I discovered the presence of aloe Vera and coconut oil.

Wait, that sounds more like soap.

Yeah.

It does.

Which would explain the foreign epithelial cells I found that weren't a match for Chili's.

Pull up the Web site of the motel Chili was staying at.

There's got to be pictures of the rooms.

Montenegro: Okay, here, let's take a look at the bathtub.

Edison: Now, without exact measurements, it's hard to be certain, but the bruise on Chili's skull seems to be a match to that faucet.

And I'm guessing his rib fractures line up, too.

Montenegro: Sure looks like it.

Hodgins: Wait a minute.

But I thought the FBI combed through Chili's room and found no evidence of foul play.

But the entire crew was staying at that motel.

Chili could have been killed in someone else's room.

Booth: So, what was it, Kenneth? I mean, you couldn't watch Chili destroy his body with all the drinking, the smoking and the junk food?

What Chili did with his personal life was none of my business.

Except that it was because-- you know why? Your mother is in the hospital right now dying of kidney failure.

Brennan: Records show that she spent two years on the transplant list waiting for a kidney that never showed up.

Booth: What, and Chili just walks in and gets two organ transplants and he still abuses himself?

It was like him giving your mother the finger.

Brennan: We found a fragment of Chili's skull inside your bathtub drain.

And we found your epithelial cells inside Chili's lungs.

We know you did it, man.

I didn't mean to kill him.

I swear.

He shows up drunk.

I'm in the bath.

He's screaming about how I couldn't score any crank for him.

And then he starts ransacking my bathroom, looking for pills.

The guy was so drunk, he slips on the wet floor and hits his head on the toilet.

That would explain the trauma to the temporal and parietal bones.

Yeah, but that only made him crazier.

Then he starts swinging at me.

I... I-I couldn't take it anymore.

I held him underwater to shut him up.

Then you just dumped the body and went to go see your mom.

Yeah.

I didn't know what else to do.

Brennan: Whoa.

Booth: Wow, this place is packed.

Brennan: Probably because of all the publicity from our case.

There's Frankie right over there.

Hey, my three favorite customers.

I saved your table for you.

Look at that, huh? You sure you're not still mad at us?

Are you kidding me?

Business is better than ever.

Enjoy.

Thanks.

Can we sing Daddy the song while we wait?

Whoa.

What, here?

Wait a second.

What song?

"The Bone Song."

The real one. "The Bone Song"?

Wait a second. You didn't butcher the song, did you?

Songs shouldn't be dumbed down for children, Booth.

Okay.

One, two, three...

♪ The tibia, fibula, femur and patella ♪

Both: ♪ If the shoe fits your metatarsals ♪ ♪ Then you might be Cinderella ♪ ♪ So get off your sacrum ♪ ♪ Get off your coccyx ♪ ♪ Wave your triquetrum and capitate ♪ ♪ In the air ♪ ♪ Shake your cuneiform ♪ ♪ And navicular ♪ ♪ Like you just don't care. ♪

Wow. You guys can rap.

Now it's your turn, Daddy.

No, no, no, I don't rap.

Please, Daddy!

Come on, Daddy.

Don't be a spoilsport.

Okay. Here we go.

♪ The mandible and palatine ♪ ♪ The lacrimal and malleus... ♪ ♪ Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait ♪ ♪ It's all so confusing ♪ ♪ These bones are so numerous ♪ ♪ I hope that there's a funny bone ♪ ♪ 'Cause it's so humerus ♪ ♪ Not bad for a guy who I thought ♪ ♪ Didn't know his coccyx from his cubitus. ♪

So, what can I get the Von Trapp family tonight?

Uh... round of milk shakes, huh?

♪ Chocolate and vanilla, leave a mess on my maxilla. ♪

Good one, Christine.

♪ I'll make sure ♪ ♪ That I don't twist my cuneiform ♪ ♪ 'Cause I just might get soda on my uniform. ♪

Huh? (chuckles)

Ah, it's gonna be a long night. Yep.

More singing, Daddy.

♪ Clavicle, clavicle ♪ ♪ Watch out 'cause Daddy's gonna tickle your left ♪ ♪ Schmavicle, schmavicle. ♪

No, that's not anatomically accurate, Booth.

I know, Bones, but you better be careful, or I'm gonna tickle your schmavicle.

No, I've had enough of that.

(beatboxing)