Jerky Jerk

Narrator: Earlier one morning in the room of Becky “WordGirl” Botsford and Bob “Captain Huggy Face” -- dah-- do monkeys have last names? Never mind.

Becky: You almost ready Bob? (He emerges from the closet, only seen from behind and in partial darkness, appearing to wear a pair of glasses.) Bob, are you sure you NEED another disguise? I mean, nobody recognizes you as Captain Huggy-- (she turns around and sees Bob, then starts giggling. We then see Bob from the front, wearing a pair of spectacles that have huge frames, as well as magnifying lenses, making his eyes appear huge.)

Becky: Whoa! Are you sure you can see okay? (Bob gives a thumbs up, but ends up bumping one of her unicorn statues on the shelf next to him. Becky lets out a gasp.) Princess Beauty! (She zips over to the shelf and catches the statue before it falls.) You know, people are just going to think you’re  clumsy !

Mrs. Botsford: Hi, hon! Hi Bob! Just wanted to remind you, you have art class after school today.

Becky: Thanks, Mom. We’re taking a field trip to the museum!

Mrs. Botsford: Oooh! They have a new exhibit this week, Ancient Artifacts from Tryptophania! Pretty exciting!

Becky: (shrugs) I guess! (Bob tries to lean on the wall and falls over)

Mrs. Botsford: Little  clumsy  today, huh Bob?

Becky: See? Told you!

Mrs. Botsford: Oop! I’m late for work. Have fun, guys!

Becky: We’d better hustle too, Bob! (He starts to leave with her, and runs into the door frame.)

(Scene: The Butcher’s lair. He is sitting and watching TV.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the lair of the butcher…

Butcher: No matter what I do, I still can’t beat WordGirl! I’ve tried everything--- my Hamburger Hammer, Porkchop Chop, Meatball Mayhem… nothing worked! I need more power!

TV Announcer: We interrupt your programming for a TV news special report

Reporter: Here at the museum, a new exhibit of ancient Tryptophanian artifacts starts today. I’m standing here with the museum’s curator. (whispers to him) So, if I’m not feeling well, you can… cure-ator me? (giggles and elbows him) Get it?

Curator: (without emotion) I do get it, yes.

Reporter: So what’s this? It looks like an old piece of beef jerky.

Curator: It’s more than that. It’s the.. BEEF JERKY OF SUPREME POWER! (As he says this, his voice changes tone and echoes in a dramatic tone. Sidenote: This continues to happen throughout the episode every time the words are spoken.)

Butcher: Hmm! (watches the broadcast with a fascinated look)

Curator: Why, the BEEF JERKY OF  SUPREME  POWER is a powerful necklace that belonged to the great Tryptophanian leader, Buschermech! (He begins a slideshow. The first picture is of Buschermech, the ancient leader, who looks similar to The Butcher.) Legend holds that the necklace gave Buschermech great powers,  supreme  powers, that helped him defeat his enemies.

Reporter: Wow! That is some heavy-duty jewelry! So why haven’t you-- “beefed up” security around the BEEF JERKY OF  SUPREME  POWER? Ha-ha, “beefed up” security. It’s a joke.

Curator: I get it, yes. Well you see, the BEEF JERKY OF  SUPREME  POWER doesn’t give its power to just anyone. Oh no, someone would already have to have had power over all meat products in order for the necklace to have any effect at all.

Reporter: Yeah, how many people are there like that in the world, huh? (they both start laughing) Let me try it on. (she approaches the display, but the curator pushes her away and they both tussle off camera) Just for a minute!

Curator: Security! (The “Technical Difficulties” screen replaces the normal broadcast.)

Butcher: Hmm. Ancient beef jerky, huh?

(Scene: The museum. Ms. Champlain, the art teacher, is there with her class.)

Narrator: Later that day, at the museum…

Ms. Champlain: Ah yes. Take a deep breath with me, children. That is the smell of art!

(Violet has stopped to appreciate the smell, and Bob runs into her, knocking her over.)

Violet: Oh, h-hi Bob. Are you okay? (We then see briefly through Bob’s glasses, and he is seeing multiple images of Violet. But he still gives her a thumbs up.) Hmm, I don’t remember you being so  clumsy , Bob!

Curator: This, children, is a very powerful ancient Tryptophanian artifact, the BEEF JERKY OF  SUPREME  POWER!

Steven: Oooh!

Violet: The poor Tryptophanian cow!

Becky: (looking over and seeing something) Bob! (We once again see through Bob’s glasses, and there are multiple images of the Butcher approaching the curator.)

Curator: Wow, great outfit! We’ve never had a superfan before! Here to see the ancient meat, I suppose.

Butcher: Oh yeah, the uh, beef jerky of sunbeam power!

Curator: Oh sorry, I’ve never heard of the beef jerky of sunbeam power. However, we do have the BEEF JERKY OF  SUPREME  POWER.

Butcher: Oh yes, I believe that would do.

Curator: Now just imagine, if you had any special meat powers, that necklace would make you  supreme ly powerful! Heh, heh!

Becky: Uh, Ms. Champlain, I have to use the lady’s room.

Ms. Champlain: Hurry back.

Becky: Right! C’mon Bob. (He runs into a display of vases)

Curator: How  clumsy ! Who let a porcupine in here?

(The curator moves on, along with Ms. Champlain’s class. The Butcher approaches the necklace display, but is stopped by the museum’s very old guard.)

Guard: Freeze, buddy. Hold it right there. (He and the Butcher both freeze in place, and the guard loses his balance) Whoa, too fast… falling…

Butcher: (helps him up) Oh hey, you all right there?

Guard: Thanks.

Butcher: No problem. I’m a little clamsy myself.

Guard: Clamsy?

Butcher: Oh, sure! I mean, look at my little legs! I’m top heavy!

Guard: Right. Well, thanks again.

Butcher: You’re welcome. PASTRAMI ATTACK! (covers the guard in pastrami)

Guard: Ouch.

Butcher: Now then. Nothing will stand in the way between me and that beef jerky thing over there!

WordGirl: Freeze, Butcher!

Butcher: Not again! (He freezes in place, loses his balance and falls backward.)

WordGirl: You okay?

Butcher: Yeah, I’m-- I’m okay. I’m just a little clamsy.

WordGirl: Uh-- what?

Butcher: Uh, clamsy! You know, like uh, when you uh, fall over and stuff?

WordGirl: The word is  clumsy . It means awkward and bumbling.

Butcher: Ah,  clumsy . Yeah, I guess I kinda heard of that. Hey, thanks! You know, you’re not so bad, WordGirl!

WordGirl: (acting bashful) Ah-- stop-- thanks!

Butcher: Too bad you’re in the way. PASTRAMI ATTACK!

WordGirl: Huggy! (Huggy jumps up and begins eating the pastrami) You might as well give it up. Anything you can dish out, Huggy can eat!

Butcher: That’s why I need that necklace. More power! (He leaps for the display, but falls a little short)

WordGirl: Just missed!

(He did manage to bump the display, however, and the necklace slides off of it. It lands around the Butcher’s neck, and he rises up, floating above the ground.)

Butcher: Oh wow, I’m all tingly!

WordGirl: Oh, no!

Butcher: That’s right, WordGirl! I, the Butcher, now have control of the beef jerky of sunbeam power! (pauses) Oh, that’s weird. No echo!

WordGirl: Well, I think that’s because it isn’t the beef jerky of sunbeam power. It’s the BEEF JERKY OF  SUPREME  POWER!

Butcher: Oh! What’s the difference?

Guard: Mind if I take this one, WordGirl?

WordGirl: Be my guest!

Guard: Well you see, sunbeams are shafts of light given off by the sun, whereas  supreme  means the biggest and the best!

WordGirl: Nice job!

Guard: Well, I watch your show!

WordGirl: Aw, stop…

Guard: Yeah. (pause) Where am I?

Butcher: Hey, can I give the shout-out a try?

WordGirl: I guess so.

Butcher: The BEEF JERKY OF  SUPREME  POWER! Oh yeah, that’s the stuff!

WordGirl: I don’t’ suppose you’ll consider giving up?

Butcher: I don’t suppose either! (snaps his fingers) PASTRAMI ATTACK! (The pastrami begins falling from the sky above him, covering everyone up completely.)

Butcher: Heh-heh-heh. Hasta la adios, WordGirl! (floats away)

Narrator: Is this the end of the line for WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face? Will they ever escape the  supreme  pile of pastrami?

WordGirl: (from beneath the pile) Actually, it’s gonna take a while, this is way more pastrami than usual! Why don’t you go to the Butcher’s lair again and see what he’s up to, and then come back in a little bit?

Narrator: Okay!

(Scene switches to the Butcher’s lair. His chair is empty, but he then seen floating down into it.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the Butcher’s lair…

Butcher: My new  supreme ly meaty powers are amazing! Plus I have access to meats I never had before! KIELBASA CRUSHER! SHEPHERD’S PIE POW! CHICKEN CORDON BLAM! Nothing will stand in my way of taking over the CITY! NOTHING!

TV Announcer: We interrupt this special report for another special report.

Reporter: I’m back here at the museum, where a daring and meaty heist just took place by this man, the Butcher. (They show his mug shot.)

Butcher: Oh, look at that! I’m on TV!

Reporter: What happened?

Curator: The Butcher stole the BEEF JERKY OF  SUPREME  POWER.

Reporter: That’s horrible! You sure have a “bone” to pick with him! (elbows him again) A bone--

Curator. Yeah. The Butcher may have gotten away with the BEEF JERKY OF  SUPREME  POWER necklace, but thank goodness he didn’t get his hands on those!

Reporter: What are those?

Curator: Those are the BACON EARRINGS OF  SUPREME  POWER. (The words echo like before.)

Reporter: Wow! Really?

Curator: Yep, they’re part of the set. If the Butcher got his hands on those, why, he’d be  supreme ly unstoppable! And they’re on display right there. Right… there.

Reporter: So if the Butcher wanted to come back and take them, you probably couldn’t stop him?

Curator: Nope, uh, hopefully he’s not watching TV right now! Heh-heh-heh!

Butcher: Earrings, huh? Wonder if I have to wear ‘em?

Curator: Oh, and he needs to wear them, so if he’s coming back to get them, he better get his ears pierced! (laughs)

Butcher: Oh, man! I’m gonna have to make a stop!

(Scene: at the museum. Huggy has eaten a path through the pastrami.)

WordGirl: Great job, Huggy! Uh-oh! (As Violet comes near, she takes off with Huggy, and they return as Becky and Bob, with Bob still wearing his crazy glasses.)

Violet: There you guys are!

Becky: Yeah, uh… we got lost in the Egyptian exhibit!

Violet: Really? I thought they took that out last month!

Becky: Oh, no wonder we got lost in it! It wasn’t there!

(The Butcher approaches, and floats by them.)

Violet: (startled) Ahh!

Becky: Ugh! This is getting  supreme ly annoying!

Butcher: (to curator) Say buddy, you know where I could find those bacon earrings you were talking about on TV?

Curator: You look familiar!

Butcher: Me? No! I’m certainly not the guy who stole this necklace!

Curator: No?

Butcher: No!

Curator: Oh, okay! Right over there.

Butcher: Thanks! I’ll take ‘em to go! Hu-hu-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Curator: Wait a minute, you ARE the same--

Butcher: SHEPHERD’S PIE POW! (The pies fall from the ceiling onto the curator, and the Butcher floats over to the display.)

WordGirl: Better put the brakes on, Butcher!

Butcher: WordGirl! (He turns toward her, and is seen to be wearing a pair of flowery earrings.)

WordGirl: Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Butcher: What?

WordGirl: You look pretty! (keeps giggling)

Butcher: You won’t be laughing for long! BEEF WELLINGTON WHOMP!

WordGirl: (now covered in meat) Beef Wellington?! You could never make that before!

Butcher: Because before, I wasn’t the -- Butcher  Supreme ! Wa-ha-ha-ha!

WordGirl: Get him, Huggy!

(Huggy, who has decided to continue wearing his crazy glasses, stumbles toward the Butcher, seeing multiple images of him through the lenses.)

Butcher: Oh yeah? Try getting THIS out of your head! BEEF WELLINGTON WHOMP! (He fires at Huggy, but because Huggy is stumbling around he misses, hitting several nearby statues instead.) Stand still!

(Huggy tries to jump at the Butcher, but misses.)

Butcher: Ha-ha, you missed! CHICKEN CORDON BLAM! (Huggy is partially covered in meat.) Now, if you’ll refuse me, there are some earrings with my name on them!

WordGirl: (looking at a light on the ceiling) Huggy! Tilt your head 45 degrees up! (After he does this, light rays bounce off of his glasses)

Butcher: (putting on the bacon earrings) I can feel the power! The  Supreme  Power of meat!

WordGirl: Huggy! How many Butchers do you see? (He chatters something in response) Aim for the middle one! (Somehow, the light rays from his glasses become focused on the Butcher, frying one of the bacon earrings.)

Butcher: Oh! I’m losin’ power! What’s goin’ on?

WordGirl: (to Huggy) Now a little to the left! (The beam focuses on the other earring, frying it as well.)

Butcher: No! You sizzled off the  supreme  bacon! (He lands on top of a globe statue, just above where Huggy is.) It doesn’t matter-- I still have the BEEF JERKY OF  SUPREME  POWER! And you know what that makes me! The Butcher  Supreme !

(The smoke from the bacon earrings floats up, and the heat from it sets off a sprinkler head above him. The surface of the globe he is standing on becomes wet and slippery, and he falls off. The necklace falls off of him, and Huggy swallows it. Once this happens, all the meat that the Butcher created with his new powers starts disappearing, freeing both him and WordGirl.)

WordGirl: You may have been the Butcher  Supreme , but you were also  supreme ly  clumsy ! (Huggy stumbles over to her, choking and coughing.) You realize that meat was like, 5000 years old?

Narrator: ...And so WordGirl and Captain Huggy Face saved the day again! (The police escort the Butcher away.) Mostly because the Butcher is  clumsy !

(Huggy chokes again on the necklace he swallowed)

Curator: These bacon earrings are RUINED! And where’s my beef jerky necklace??

WordGirl: Uh… we should go! (to Huggy) Back door!

Narrator: Tune in again next time for another  supreme  episode of… WordGirl!