So You Want to be a Superstar

(Serena is making her usual last-minute rush to school.)

Serena: Man, it's the ...third time this week I'm gonna be late for school. I gotta slow down and think of an excuse.

(She comes to a stop in front of a store. Its door has an advertisement for vitamins and features the hottest superstar of the day: Saffron. Serena reads the ad.)

Serena: Huh? What's this? 'Saffron's Vitamins help give energy'.

(Molly is running to school in a hurry as well. Noticing Serena just standing there...)

Molly: Serena! Serena! Huh?

(As she passes Serena, her schoolbag beans Serena in the back of the head.)

Molly: Come on! We're late!

(Rubbing her head...)

Serena: Ooh... THANKS A LOT, MOLLY!

(At school, Serena rubs the bump on her head.)

Serena: Ow! This bump hurts.

Molly: I didn't mean it, Serena. I'm not used to being late. I panicked.

(Then Melvin shows up, holding up a poster.)

Melvin: Serena! Molly! Look who's featured in today's entertainment page!

(The two girls look. Serena recognizes it as one of the Saffron posters.)

Serena: What'd you do, Melvin? Steal it off a building?

Melvin: No, Serena. It's my very own authentic copy I won fair and square through a contest I entered when I joined the Saffron Fan Club last month through the Internet.

Molly: You joined Saffron's fan club?

(Melvin starts keying in his notebook computer.)

Melvin: Yeah. They give you lots of nifty information. Did you see she got five million dollars for her very first role?

Serena: No way! Five million bucks?!

(It starts the girls imagining.)

Serena: I wonder if she needs a personal assistant or something like that.

Pauline: If I got five million bucks, I'd buy my family a great big house.

Lonna: I'd buy everyone a new car.

Molly: I'd shop at all the malls and buy tons of clothes and makeup.

Lonna: Oh yeah. For sure.

Pauline: I'm gonna get an agent and become a superstar, too.

(Then Melvin jumps in with his opinion.)

Melvin: In my humble but expert opinion, I do believe one of you could be a real superstar.

Pauline: So come on. Spit it out.

Melvin: That'd be the one and only, mesmerizing, stunningly beautiful, incomparable. . . (He points his finger at...) Melvin: Miss Serena.

Serena: Huh?

(The others girls don't like that answer.)

Melvin: You would be great.

Serena: Me? A superstar? For real? Cool!

(Outside a building, Saffron and an agent are about to go inside. As typical of super-stardom, the press and fans are all around her. She signs an autograph.) Saffron: There. My autograph.

(Little does anyone know, however, that someone else is watching from a safe distance, and that someone is Jedite, evil warrior of the Negaverse.)

Jedite: Hm hm hm hm. I could use this girl. I must tell Queen Beryl.

(Queen Beryl is already looking on.)

Queen Beryl: I'm counting on you, Jedite. Do not disappoint me! Through this... little girl, we will gather awesome power for the Negaforce! HA HA HA!

(That afternoon, at Serena's house, Serena and Molly set up a singing number to impress potential agents. Well, actually, Molly is doing all the planning.)

Serena: Molly, are you sure about this?

Molly: Yep, we'll have our names up in lights before we know it, Serena.

Serena: I know how.

Molly: What?

(She grabs a tennis racket.)

Serena: We'll be sports stars!

Molly: Huh? Uh unn. No way. I'm the manager, and I've got a plan. I've come up with a foolproof way to make us rich megastars!

Serena: How's that?

Molly: Rock videos.

Serena: All right! That's a wicked cool idea!

(When Luna hers the suggestion, she makes a mental prayer.)

Luna: Please tell me she's not going to sing.

Molly: Okay, we're gonna be one hot team, right?

Serena: We're gonna be world-famous.

Molly: All right. Let's do it.

(Molly turns on the tape player and starts the tune. The girls try out their routine...)

Serena & Molly: Fighting evil by moonlight, Winning love by daylight, Never running from a real fight, She is the one named...

(...but Serena's brother, Sammy, opens the door and interrupts.)

Sammy: Hey, are you trying to torture me?

Serena: You're ruining our practice!

Molly: But we could use him as a backup dancer.

(Gulp.)

Sammy: Ha ha. Gotta run.

(The door is shut in an instant.)

Molly: Ha! I knew that'd get rid of him!

(They try again. It seems to be okay. Then Serena's foot steps on Molly's.)

Molly: AAAAAH!

Serena: Not bad at all, but you can't keep screaming.

(Now the trouble starts. Luna gets a better look.)

Molly: YOU WERE SQUASHING MY FOOT!

Serena: YOU WERE TOO CLOSE!

Molly: Maybe I should go get your brother to do this! He certainly can't be any worse than you are, Serena!

Serena: Your stupid routine would just make anybody dance like a big geek!

(Uh oh. Rising tensions mean broken friendships.)

Luna: And they say catfights are bad.

(Later, after Molly had left, Serena is with her family, watching TV.)

Serena: I was looking forward to being rich and famous.

(A pet talent show is on the TV.)

Ikuko Tsukino: This guy's so funny.

Kenji Tsukino: He's brilliant! I don't know how he gets that monkey to do that!

(Luna takes a look, then lays down again, but Serena gets another idea.)

Serena: No, Dad. YOU'RE brilliant! AAAH! Ha ha ha. You just figured out how I'm going to become a megastar!

(She picks up Luna, who protests with meows, and carries the cat to her room.)

Kenji Tsukino: Has she eaten lots of sweets today?

Ikuko Tsukino: Not that I'm aware of.

Sammy: Face it. She's just a space case.

(In Serena's room...)

Serena: Come on, Luna! Back to work!

(Her idea is to make Luna sing and dance. It's tiring the poor talking cat out!)

Luna: Oh. Cats... aren't meant to dance and sing, Serena.

Serena: Hey Luna, if you can talk, I'm sure you can dance and sing. Now quit making up excuses!

(Meanwhile, at the back door of Molly's house, Melvin is waiting outside.)

Melvin: Hey Molly, open up! It's you-know-who for the secret meeting that you couldn't tell me about on the phone!

(Molly opens the door and signals him to come in.)

Molly: Would you keep it down? Jeez.

(Molly's new idea is to have Melvin dress up like a girl and have HIM do the routine with her. The reason is that Melvin doesn't seem to care about dressing up.)

Molly: Amazing what a little makeup and the right clothes can do!

Melvin: I'm still not sure how I let you talk me into this. I never wear anything but black.

Molly: Just chill out. It won't matter when we're a world-famous duo.

Melvin: I'm gonna be famous?

Molly: You will be if you listen and do everything I tell you to do because we're gonna do rock videos!

Melvin: Maybe I'll even win an award. WOOOW! Listen. I've already got a great speech!

(Melvin is really getting into this superstar business, to Molly's chagrin.)

Melvin: I'd like to thank all of my closest friends on the Internet, and my fantastic manager, Molly!

Molly: This might work. Ha ha ha.

(That evening, in Saffron's bathroom, Saffron is taking a shower when she gets an unexpected visit.)

Derela: Hah! Saffron, you're mine!

(Wasting no time, she blows freezing breath at Saffron. Saffron screams...)

Saffron: AAAAH! HELP! AH! LET GO! AH!

(...but no one answers. Once Saffron is rendered helpless, the Negamonster, Derela touches her and changes into a clone of Saffron.)

Saffron: Let go. Someone help me.

(Soon, Jedite's plan goes into action. Posing as an announcer...)

Jedite: You, too, can be famous, but first you've got to know how. Here to tell you, the fabulous Saffron.

(The fake Saffron is on a mobile stage.)

Fake Saffron: Hello, everyone. I'm happy to bring you great news! You're all invited to take part in our thrilling Star Quest contest.

(The scene has attracted many people, including a lot of schoolgirls.)

Student: I can't believe it's really her!

Second Student: She's tall in person.

(As the fake Saffron continues, a dish posted above the stage sends subliminal waves throughout the audience, giving them an overwhelming urge to compete.)

Fake Saffron: So join us. Just be sure that you sign up in teams of two.

(The fake Saffron's words combined with the subliminal waves make for an unbeatable combination.)

Student: Let's do it!

Second Student: Yeah. We can team up together.

Other Students: We'll all be like superstars. We wanna be just like Saffron.

(Jedite's plan is working and then the next day, at school...)

Pauline: Did you guys hear about Saffron's big Star Quest contest?

Serena: What contest? Huh?

Molly: Wait, let me guess. You were asleep?

Serena: No, I had to stay in class for study hall.

Lonna: Anyway, she said that two lucky people will get picked as the winners.

Pauline: Everybody's eligible, and the winning team gets a contract just like Saffron's!

(Serena's eyes light up. This is her big chance!)

Serena: Ha ha ha. Our team's set!

Molly: Well, aren't you forgetting something, Serena? You don't have a partner.

(Speaking of partners, Melvin, hearing Molly's words as he walks past, stops and turns.)

Melvin: Hmm? Are you talking about me?

(He starts to spill. He wiggles his hips like a girl.)

Melvin: Hey Molly, check out this cool move for my new routine.

(The girls are shocked, and Molly is embarrassed.)

Molly: I told you not to say we're partners!

(Melvin counters.)

Melvin: Then I won't tell how you begged me to do it, either.

(The girls get a second shock.)

(Late that afternoon, at the mobile stage, the fake Saffron starts the qualification round, while subliminal waves bathe the competitors.)

Fake Saffron: You're all signed up, right?

Crowd: Right.

(A policeman is looking around. This event isn't in the books.)

Policeman: What's this? No one told me about this.

(Then, Saffron's agent comes running down the street, very concerned.)

Agent: Saffron, what in the world are you doing up on that stage? You're supposed to be at the mall.

(The fake Saffron goes on...)

Fake Saffron: Remember, you need to show you have great energy.

(...as the policeman and agent soon get a dose of the subliminal waves.)

Policeman & Agent: Oh. Hey...

(The fake Saffron laughs as the policeman begins a handstand while the agent does some gymnastics.)

Agent: Ta-da.

Fake Saffron: A perfect example.

Policeman & Agent: We'll be superstars!

(Early evening. Serena is walking to the stage with Luna behind her.)

Serena: This contest is going to be major boss, Luna.

(Luna, however, is very exhausted. She decides to balk and lay down.)

Luna: I'm not going.

Serena: You can't back out.

Luna: I'm not backing out because I never agreed to be in it in the first place.

Serena: You've just got stage fright.

Luna: I'm only afraid that you're going to start forgetting all about your mission.

Serena: We'll be rich and famous.

Luna: I'm not going.

Serena: Why?

Luna: Because we've got more important things to do than just make fools of ourselves.

(Serena gets up.)

Luna: Besides, being in show business is serious work. It's all too strange: too suspicious. And look at what's happening between you and your friends.

(Tears are coming to Serena's eyes. Luna's right. She's lost her friends.)

Luna: Crying won't help, Serena. The answer's still no.

Serena: WHO NEEDS YOU ANYWAY?!

(And Serena runs away in tears. As Serena runs down the street, she sees Darien ahead.)

Darien: Hey.

(With what lousy timing, Serena quickly hides in an alley.)

Serena: I hope he doesn't come over here.

(He does.)

Darien: Hey Meatball Head, what are you doing over here? I thought for sure you'd be over at the talent show...

Serena: Huh? Hmph.

Darien: ...especially since all your friends are over there, acting like total fools.

Serena: Well obviously, I've got better things to do, Darien. I'd love to stay and chat, but... I've got homework.

(As she walks off...)

Serena: He makes me so mad!

(Meanwhile, at the talent show, the hopefuls are indeed acting like total fools. For example...)

Pauline: Do you know why elephants wear green sneakers?

Lonna: No, why?

Pauline: It's so they can sneak around in the grass!

(With a strike of chimes, the fake Saffron signals a qualified entry... surprisingly.)

Fake Saffron: You're in! Congratulations!

(She stamps their hands to mark then as finalists.)

(Another example. Molly and Melvin are trying their singing routine.)

Molly & Melvin:  Never running from a real fight...

(Despite the terrible performance, the fake Saffron qualifies them, too.)

Fake Saffron: That was great! You're in, too!

(She stamps their hands.)

Molly: We did it!

Melvin: We really sounded good, too!

(The fake Saffron walks up front.)

Fake Saffron: Congratulations to all of you. You've made it into the final round of competition. We'll see you all at the South Side Auditorium on Saturday to pick the winners.

(But the thoughts in the fake's mind are only of draining their energy. She can't wait.)

(Next day. Serena's late for school again.)

Serena: Rats. I'm late for study hall.

(But when she opens the door...)

Serena: Oh. What's going on?

(Almost all the desks have been shoved to the wall and are now blocking the back door. At the front platform (from which Miss Haruna's desk has been removed), are Pauline and Lonna. The others are watching. Pauline is thinking about what to do next.)

Pauline: Okay. Now, why don't we do our knock-knock jokes?

Lonna: All right. Me first. Knock-knock.

(One of the desks is to one side. There, Molly is busy signing cards. Serena tries to say hi...)

Serena: Wanna get ice cream later? Huh?

(She signs another card.)

Molly: Can't.

(She pauses as she signs another card and stacks it with the others.)

Molly: Busy.

(Then Melvin shows up.)

Melvin: PARTY TIME! Get ready for a hot Star Quest party. Hey Serena, have a streamer.

(He hands her a streamer. Then Molly gets up.)

Molly: And my autograph cards are finished just in time!

Serena: You won the contest?

Pauline: No, she's just got fame on the brain.

Lonna: Besides, we all know we're the best.

Melvin: Who cares? We're all gonna win.

(Everyone throws their streamers and in that afternoon, Serena talks with Luna in the school courtyard.)

Luna: Are you really sure that you're not still angry with me for refusing to be in the contest with you?

(Thanks to Luna, Serena still had her common sense. She wanted to thank her!)

Serena: Actually, I'm glad that you did.

Luna: But it looks like your friends are having so much fun.

Serena: Nope, it's all too much work for me.

(Serena saying something sensible? Incredible!)

Luna: Really? Hmm?

Serena: Hmm... I wonder if they'll still talk to me when they're rich and famous?

Luna: They will if they're true friends.

(As for the others, things are starting to get ugly. Some distance away, on a raised platform where a small crowd has gathered...)

Molly: It's been really great practicing with all you guys.

Melvin: We won't forget you once we've won.

Pauline: Who says that you'll win it?

Lonna: You'll be lucky if you manage to win last place!

Pauline & Lonna: Yeah!

(With that, Pauline and Lonna join Molly and Melvin on the platform, and the four start arguing.)

Pauline: WE'RE gonna be the next superstars.

(Back at the bench...)

Serena: I'll be glad when this whole thing's over.

(Now more people are on the platform, arguing away.)

(Saturday, at the South Side Auditorium...)

Serena: How weird. I thought this place closed months ago.

(SONG CUE: I Wanna Be a Star) (Inside, the fake Saffron gives some final words behind the curtains before the show starts. Oddly, though the show starts in only a couple of minutes, there's no audience!)

Fake Saffron: Everyone's here? We need you all to be ready. We're expecting you all to put on a good show. Remember: lots of energy!

(The light globe on the ceiling is really another of the Negaverse's devices. As the curtain is raised...) Lonna: You know your punchlines?

Pauline: Yeah.

(The lights come on. The show is starting. The contestants notice a packed house, but the audience is an illusion.)

Molly: It's packed out there.

Lonna: We're gonna win!

Pauline: Right.

(The policeman and agent are already doing their acts.)

Policeman: My one-armed handstand!

Agent: And my super stomach cruncher!

(The fake chooses this moment.)

Fake Saffron: Hm, hm, hm. Now to get energy for Queen Beryl.

(With a turn of the tiny microphone on her dress, she begins to drain energy.)

(The energy flows through the microphone and is transmitted to Jedite, who gathers it up.)

Jedite: Excellent. Queen Beryl will be very pleased.

(Meanwhile, the contestants are showing a sign of energy drain: excessive weariness. Serena peeps in and sees something strange.)

Serena: Luna, what's that? Huh?

(Luna pops in and looks. What Serena sees is the contestant's energy bring drained, and Luna recognizes it right away!)

Luna: Energy waves.

(The fake Saffron gets up and turns around. Her true face is showing!)

Derela: Hi. May I help you, dear?

(The Negaverse! Serena gasps)

Serena: Oh no! Luna, let's get out of here!

(Serena and Luna are out of the room in a heartbeat!)

Luna: Serena, wait!

(Dashing to the restroom, Serena catches her breath.)

Luna: Serena? You all right?

(Serena is still huffing inside the toilet stall.)

Luna: It's time to become Sailor Moon. Let's go!

Serena: I can't. I'm too scared.

Luna: But your friends are in big trouble! It must be Queen Beryl's doing.

(Serena steps out. Luna is excellent in convincing Serena.)

Serena: Okay, if I really have to.

(She gathers up her courage.)

Serena: MOON PRISM POWER!

(Serena summons the power of her Moon Prism Locket and transforms into Sailor Moon, the Champion of Justice.)

(At the stage, the illusory audience applauds the contestants' efforts, although the contestants themselves can barely move. Soon Molly drops, then Pauline and Lonna, then the policeman, and finally Melvin. With the last of the energy collected, the fake Saffron turns off the drain and the subliminal device.)

(Suddenly, the fake audience disappears. She hadn't done that.)

Fake Saffron: Uh oh.

(Then the curtains close, and a voice cries from behind them.)

Sailor Moon: The curtain is closed on this bogus talent competition! Now, give these people back their energy!

(The fake stands up and demands...)

Fake Saffron: Who are you?!

(The lights go out. Then spotlights come on, and Sailor Moon is the one in the light.)

Sailor Moon: I'm Sailor Moon, the Champion of Justice. On behalf of the Moon, I shall right wrongs and triumph over evil, and that means YOU.

Fake Saffron: Hah!

(She ditches the disguise. It's fighting time!)

Sailor Moon: You don't scare me one little bit.

(Derela just blows her ice breath, forcing Sailor Moon to run.)

Derela: You can't hide.

(Derela heads after her. As Sailor Moon tries to hide under the seats, she asks us a favor.)

Sailor Moon: If you see Luna, please tell her I could use her help right about now.

(Sailor Moon peeks up to try to find the monster. The trouble is... Derela is behind her!)

Derela: Looking for me?

(As Sailor Moon turns around, Derela blasts at her. It catches her arm, freezing it.)

Sailor Moon: AAH! She's freezing me!

(With that, Derela proceeds to freeze the rest of her.)

Sailor Moon: Let go! Stop it!

(She's soon coated up to the neck in ice.)

Sailor Moon: I can hardly raise it. HEELP! My fingers. They're turning into icicles! AAH!

(Derela keeps blowing.)

Sailor Moon: Someone turn on the heat...

(She's now completely frozen.)

Derela: Now that oughta cool you off.

(Just then, a rose hits Sailor Moon's frozen arm, shattering all the ice.)

Derela: Hey! What's happening? Who dares?

(Tuxedo Mask dares. He threw the rose from the balcony behind them.)

Tuxedo Mask: You must believe in yourself, Sailor Moon.

Sailor Moon: Tuxedo Mask! Thank you!

Tuxedo Mask: Don't mention it.

(He takes off.)

Derela: Who's that man in the cape? Let's find out!

(She tries to jump after him. Luna catches up with Sailor Moon.)

Sailor Moon: Hi.

Luna: Don't let her get away.

Sailor Moon: I won't.

(She takes off her Moon Tiara, which becomes a weapon. She readies to throw it.)

Sailor Moon: MOON TIARA PARALYZE! I banish you to the Negaverse!

(The Tiara takes flight and connects, shattering Derela and the draining microphone. With the microphone gone, the globe shatters as well. It's now raining ice and glass.)

Luna: You defeated them, Sailor Moon.

(With the globe shattered, the drained energy returns, reviving the contestants. Molly is the first to get up.)

Molly: Oh, wow. That was a weird dream.

Melvin: Yeah.

Lonna: You know what?

Pauline: You never wanna hear another knock-knock joke.

Lonna: Exactly.

(At the real Saffron's bathroom, Saffron has just been released from her icy bonds. With Derela's defeat, the ice has shattered. Saffron, however, is still in a daze.)

Saffron: Oh... I must be working too hard.

(Later, back at Serena's house...)

Serena: Oh, wow. What a week.

Luna: I was really proud of you today.

Serena: Thanks, Luna.

Luna: Now, use all that good energy...

Serena: Uh huh.

Luna: ...to study.

Serena: OH! Study?! Oh...