Here Comes the Pig

What is that? That's my new runner's watch. It's got everything-- tracks how far you've run, your heart rate, calories burned. It's got GPS to tell you exactly where you are. And if I ever lose it, I can pinpoint exactly where it is on my cell phone. Huh? [Panting] How far have we gone? Uh, 0. 04 miles. What? We've been jogging forever. We've been jogging for 20 seconds. Does that thing have a defibrillator? No. Why? Because I think my heart just stopped. No, wait. There it is. I think I'm gonna head home. No way. That is too far. I'd never make it. Maybe I'll just wait here till Bugs gets back. He can carry me. Uhh! [chomps] My lord, Porky. What do you have in that thing? [Stammering] Oh, I don't know, just stuff. Money, credit card receipts, business cards, recipe clippings, and inspiring articles. Why, what's in your wallet? The essentials. ID, credit card, and some cash? No. A lone toothpick. Because I always get something right back here, right in this area. What's that? Oh, a wedding invitation. Ooh, who's Becky Hogg? Just a girl I went to elementary school with. The wedding's tonight. Are you going? No. I mean, it's out of town. Porky, you have to go to this wedding. Why? You are obviously in love with this girl. What? Heh heh heh. No, I'm not. Then why have you been carrying this around in your wallet? I carry everything in my wallet. Porky, you're pining over her. No, I'm not. It's destiny. Becky Hogg. Porky Pig. Hogg, Pig. You're meant to be together. No, we're not. I haven't seen her for years. And she's getting married. Oh, so you're saying you have no feelings for this girl? Well, I don't know. We were boyfriend and girlfriend. A-ha! But that was third grade. Yeah, and you haven't had a girlfriend since. Becky has invited you to her wedding for a reason. She's obviously never gotten over you. Don't you see? She wants you to stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life. What are you talking about? She doesn't want to marry this Brian Patrick Kennedy iv. He sounds like a loser. Porky, Becky's obviously the one for you. This could be your one and only shot at finding true love. How would I even get there? We'll drive. If we leave now, we'll be there in 4 hours. You'd come with me? Porky, you're my friend. I want you to be happy. Also, I never pass up a wedding reception. The passed apps, the Surf N' Turf, the bubbly, that table with all those gifts on it where you can take whatever you want as you're leaving. Those are wedding presents. For the bride and groom. I don't think so. At my cousin's wedding, I got a blender, a set of China, and some beautiful linens. So what do you say, Pork, are we gonna stop a wedding? I can't believe I'm saying this, but ok. Let's do it. Mark my words, Porky, you're gonna find true love. And me, I'm gonna find something good. Like a Belgian waffle maker. Or a juicer. That's it. Or more linens. You can never have too many linens. [Starts engine] Where are you going? The freeway. No, I gotta make a pit stop. Does this look like something you'd wear to a wedding? Yeah, if you're the bride. Well, it's all I have. Do you have anything I could borrow? The invitation says formal attire. Then wear a tuxedo. Too constricting. [Grunts] Ooh, can I borrow your new watch? It'll make me look important, like I have lots of meetings, always have to know what time it is. Eh Please? It's a great way to meet people. Someone asks if anyone knows what time it is, I say, "I do. I'm Daffy Duck. It's half passed 12:00. Nice to meet you. " [Horn honks] Ugh, he's so impatient. We're easily gonna make it. Come on, please. I'll take good care of it. All right. For the record, I think what you two are doing is idiotic. But since your idiocy affords me a glorious weekend with the house all to myself, you have my full blessing. Thanks, Bugs. Ahh. This is nice. [Sighs] This is so boring. I don't know what to do. Don't forget to check your heart rate. [Dance music playing] [Turns TV off] [Smacks lips] What's up? You want to hang out? Hang out? I gotta go to work. Ever heard of it? How does he do it? I'd lose my mind if I just sat around all day doing nothing. Hey, man, could you get the door for me? I'll call Lola. [Line rings, beep] Hi, this is Lola. I'm either away from my desk or in a meeting. Wait, that's not true. I don't have a desk. And I've never actually been in a meeting, so. But I'm probably doing something interesting, like I'm at the hardware store or I'm saving someone's life. Or I'm whale watching. Or maybe I'm being watched by whales. Oh, no, maybe I'm-- [Beep] I'm gonna use the restroom. Will you get the gas? Ahh! Ahh! Would you mind not eating in the car? I just got it washed and I'm trying to keep it clean. Porky, please. I'm not a child. I won't get crumbs everywhere. Don't worry. Relax, I'll pick it up. [Sniffs] Ooh, that's a real strong sour cream and onion smell. Uh-oh, a bunch got into this little crevice. Daffy, this is why I asked you not to eat-- Don't worry, I think I can get it. Let me just put this up here. What's the point of this crevice anyway? It's a terrible car design. Ahh! My cell phone! It's fine. [Beep] No, it's ruined. I told you I didn't want a mess in the car. It's not my fault. There are no cup holders. There's a cup holder right here. Who would put their cup there? No, this is where you want to put your cup. This car was designed by idiots. You got to do more research before you make big purchases like a car, Porky. [Ding] - What the? - What? Why is the gas light on? I thought you got gas. You only gave me That barely covers snacks and magazines. And this lottery ticket. Ahh! I don't know why I play. Maybe we should turn around. We don't know when there's gonna be another gas station. Porky, we're not going backwards. We don't have time. That light doesn't mean anything anyway. You can drive like 200 or - Are you sure? - I'm positive. [Clanging] You should have given me more than 40 bucks, Pork. - Ok, come on. - Where are we going? We got to walk back to the gas station and get gas. Shouldn't one of us wait with the car? Why? This looks like a dangerous neighborhood. Your car will be covered in graffiti in no time. What are you talking about? This isn't a bad neighborhood. We're in the middle of a desert. You've been living in the suburbs too long, Porky. Come on, one of us needs to stay here and do nothing. And the other needs to walk miles and miles in 110-degree heat carrying a heavy can. And since you did the hard work of driving and I was just sitting next to you in the passenger's seat nodding off, it would only make sense That you continue the hard work. You know, just so you don't feel like a quitter. Oh. Uh, ok. Pick up the pace, Piggy. We got a wedding to stop. Oh, I won. Strange how it's no more satisfying than losing. Ohh, I'm so bored. I gotta get out and do something. Hey, boy, you want to go for a walk? Huh? Oh. Yuck. Aw, come on. It'll be good for you. A little exercise. It'll kill some time. How long does it take a pig to walk 20 miles in the middle of the desert? [Gasps] What if he never comes back? What if he's road kill? [Bird screeches] [Screeches] [Gulps] Mother. My battery's almost dead. Just enough left to call Bugs for help. Wait, first I should quickly text my vote for last night's "so you think you can figure skate. " [Beep] You're welcome, Demitri. Ok, now I can call Bugs. Just got to keep it short. [Phone rings] Ugh, where is he? See, told you this would be fun. Hi, this is Bugs Bunny. Sorry I'm not available at the moment, but please leave your full name and number and the reason for your call. Oh, and the time and date of your call. And I will get back to you. [Beep] Bugs, it's an emergency. Oh, sorry. Bugs, hi, this is Daffy Duck. And my number is 555-0123. And actually I'm calling for two reasons. One, don't forget to text your vote for Demitri to "so you think you can figure skate," because I'm sick of the judges falling for Yuvgane's triple axle. It's all he does. He's a one-note wonder. And, uh, what else? I feel like there was a second reason I was calling. [Buzzard screeches] Oh, I remember. We're stranded in the middle of the desert. Porky's wandered off. He's probably dead. So get in your car and come save us. We're on highway 247 on the shoulder next to mile marker 118. So, highway 247, mile marker 118. Please hurry. Oh, right, you wanted the time and date. It's 2:39 pm on August--[Beep] Ugh, dead battery. Who designs these phones? Idiots. Fine, you were right. It wasn't fun. Why did I want a weekend to myself? Ooh, someone called. [Buzzard screeches] Maybe this thing has a game on it or something. Ahh! No! Ugh, now what am I gonna wear to the wedding? [Whimpering] Hey. Don't hey me. I thought you were dead. What took you so long? It was 9 miles each way. You really sweat a lot. Ok, well, that took forever. Come on, we better hurry. Gah! What? I put graffiti on it so no one else would. It's called a deterrent, Porky. Where are they? [Dialing] [Beep] This is Porky. So sorry I missed your call. I promise to-- [Beep] What's up? This is double "D. " You know what to do, fool. Ugh. Why isn't anyone picking up their phones? How am I supposed to find these nitwits? My new watch. There's GPS on the watch. I can find out exactly where they are. [Beeping] What are they doing off the highway? Well, it's better than being at home. [Whistling] [Phone beeping] [Dinging] Huh? [Buzzard screeches] [Gulps] [Phone vibrates and chimes] Oh, good, my phone is charged. Ah, I should send a quick text to Bugs. [Ding] "Disregard earlier message. We're fine. Back on the road. No need to come get us. " You've got to be kidding me. [Beep] Also, a buzzard stole your watch. [Buzzard screeches] That's nice. Where's the highway? Where is it? How can I lose a highway? Oh, I know how I lost a highway. Because I was looking at my phone, trying to find a watch and two nincompoops instead of paying attention to my surroundings. [Voice echoing] Eh, still better than being at home. Phew, we made it. And with time to spare. Heh. Bugs is so lame. He doesn't return texts. And I've sent him good ones. Look. "We be drivin'. Where you at?" - Nothing. - Can I help you? We're here for the Kennedy-Hogg wedding. Ah, yes, that'll be in ballroom "B" in the west tower of the hotel. Great. Thanks. Where are you going? Ballroom "B. " Looking like that? No. We'd like a room. Daffy, there isn't time. Porky, look at yourself. Becky Hogg's not gonna call off her wedding for a filthy pig. You've come too far to blow it now. [Sighs] Maybe you're right. Of course I'm right. Give me your credit card. Here you go, one standard room. Standard? Go grab us an elevator. Why don't you bump us up to the penthouse. Excuse me. I hate to bother you, but can you tell me where the highway is? Hello? Hello? Well, fine, be that way. Where are you going? The highway? Can I go with you? Where you going? Well, wait for me! Uhh! Maybe I'll just take a little nap. [Wolves howling] I still can't believe this is a standard room. It's so nice. How do I look? Like a pig in a tuxedo. So not great. [Sighs] What if this isn't my destiny? It is. Porky, you and Becky are meant to be together. It's undeniable. I mean, come on. You already have the same last name. Her last name is Hogg. Hogg, Pig. What's the difference? The universe is doing everything it can to bring you two together. You've got to do the rest, Porky. Ok. Let's do it. Oh, my, it's about to start. Wait. First I have to figure out what I'm gonna wear. I was really counting on that watch. [Ding] You're really gonna wear a hotel bathrobe? It makes me look relaxed, like I soaked in the tub for an hour. You did soak in the tub for an hour. They have a spa? One quick massage. Daffy, there's no time. We're here. You can do it. Your future is on the other side of these doors. I don't know. I think I'm too nervous. Let's just go. Look, I'm not letting you leave here without the woman of your dreams. Stop the wedding! [All gasping] You don't love him, you love Porky. And Porky loves you. Huh? That's not Becky. You may now kiss the bride. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Brian Patrick Kennedy iv. [Applause] Hi, Porky. See you at the reception. Probably should have paid closer attention to the time, Porky. All those stops. [Music playing] They look happy. I can't believe we were gonna stop their wedding. I can't believe Becky Hogg isn't a pig. [Sighs] Well, even thought it turns out Becky and I weren't destined for each other, I still appreciate what you tried to do for me, Daffy. You're a good friend. The love of your life is out there somewhere, Porky. And I promise you we'll find her. I don't care how many farms we have to go to, we will dig through that slop, and we will find you a female pig. She doesn't have to be a pig, you know. I mean, you have this big theory that just because I'm a pig, I'm automatically gonna fall in love with the first pig that I I did say mark my words. [Gasps] Ohh! A bread maker! Any way you could point me toward the highway? [Clanging] Beep beep! [Accordion playing] Uh, any way you could point me toward the highway? Thanks. Hmm. It beats walking. Aw, I miss you, too, Petunia. I can't believe we met just yesterday. It feels like I've known you forever. Ha ha ha! Ok, well, I'll call you when we get home. You hang up first. No, you hang up. - No, you hang up. - Ugh. Heh. No, you. No, you. I think I liked you better when you were lonely. What's that? [Whistling] I bet it's a UFO. Is that Bugs? [Groans] Why haven't you been returning my texts?