Twinsanity

Hiccup (v.o.) They say two heads are better than one; which is often true, but four heads? Eh, that's a few heads too many. Ruffnut How are we supposed to see up here? Hiccup You're not. That's the whole point. Tuffnut Oh. No, I still don't get it. Hiccup When you two can't see, you have to trust Barf and Belch to see for you. Like this. Tuffnut Why does he always have to speak in RIDDLES?! Ruffnut I say we trust us. Tuffnut Yeah, I'm with you, sister! Ruffnut Barf, up! Tuffnut Belch, down! Tuffnut Belch, get me down! Ruffnut Barf, go for help! Fishlegs It worked! I can't believe it actually worked! Fishlegs Whoa! Hiccup What was that hand thing you were doing? Fishlegs If you must know, I have been crafting some rudimentary hand signals for Meatlug just in case we get separated, and they seem to have been well-received. Hiccup Hmm. Hand signals. That's incredible, Fishlegs! Fishlegs Yeah, I know! Hiccup We need to start working on those right away. Hiccup Toothless, battle ready! Hiccup Toothless, plasma blast! Hiccup Good job, bud! Smile. Astrid Not bad. Stormfly, spine shot! Well, that's better than last time. Snotlout Hookfang, annihilate! Whoa! Tuffnut Bull's-eye. Fishlegs Meatlug, hug! Hiccup Hmm, that could actually be useful. Ruff, Tuff, your turn. Ruffnut Barf, go. Tuffnut Belch, come. Ruffnut Barf, sky. Tuffnut Belch, ground. Tuffnut Ha-ha! I win! Ruffnut What do you think you're doing to my dragon? Tuffnut Your dragon? Puh-lease. You've been breathing in Barf's gas again. Ruffnut Yeah, so?! Hiccup Guys, guys. Barf and Belch is one dragon. You have to use one signal at a time. Ruffnut Good idea. Barf, attack Tuffnut! Ha! How's that? Fishlegs I don't think it's what Hiccup-- Tuffnut Belch, eat Ruffnut! Ruffnut Uh, ow! Hiccup Tuff, come on. Tuffnut Whatever. Belch, drop Ruffnut. Ruffnut I can't work like this. Tuffnut Ugh, it's completely unprofessional. Ruffnut I'm taking my dragon and going home. Tuffnut You touch that dragon, and I'll-- Ruffnut You'll what? Tuffnut I... I don't know. Don't rush me. Just, uh... uh, I'll tell you tomorrow! Ruffnut Ugh, come on, Barf. Hiccup Guys, come on. Stop, please. Leave the dragon out of it; it's over. Ruffnut Oh, it's over. Tuffnut Yeah, it's so over it's under! Astrid What was that all about? Hiccup Eh, they'll be back. Gobber Argh, suck in your gut, Stoick. Stoick It's sucked, Gobber! It doesn't suck anymore than this! Hiccup Ah, the ceremonial belt. Is it that time again? Stoick Yep, tomorrow's the annual treaty signing with the Berserker tribe. Gobber They've gotta change that name. When your Chief's Oswald the Agreeable, and you haven't been to war in fifty years. Hiccup Oh, please tell me he's not bring that lunatic kid of his? Gobber Dagur? Oh, he'll be here. Hiccup Oh, great, and let me guess: I get to keep him from breaking things. Stoick Actually, no. I have a more important job for you. You get to hide all the dragons. Hiccup From Oswald the Agreeable? Why? Stoick Hiccup, just because we've have had peace with them for fifty years doesn't mean they still can't go, well-- Gobber Berserk? Stoick Exactly. The dragons could be seen as a sign of aggression. Better blissful than bloody I always say. Gobber And the last thing we want is another Berserker skirmish. They tend to play for keeps. Stoick Just hide the dragons, son. Snotlout Back in line! Back in line! Everybody, in line, in line! Is Dagur coming? He's so cool! Hiccup Cool? Last time he was here, he used me for a knife throwing target. Astrid That guy should be locked up in a cage. Fishlegs That's what he did to me! He wouldn't let me eat for three days! Snotlout Then he force fed you rotten cod heads! Fishlegs Thanks. I almost erased that from my memory. Astrid Look out! Incoming Zippleback! Hiccup Where's Ruffnut and Tuffnut? Someone get that Dragon. Snotlout I'm on it! Hiccup Snotlout, you need two riders. Fishlegs, get in there. Fishlegs Heh, I'm not sure this is really the best-- Whoa! I don't feel so good. Hiccup It's the gas. Just try not to breath any in. Fishlegs Yeah, that ship has sailed. Snotlout Whoa! Hey! Somebody tell me how to work this thing. Hiccup Whatever you do Snotlout, don't spark! Fishlegs Okay. Now I feel worse. Snotlout Then if I were you, I would not think of that rotten cod head sliding down your throat. Snotlout Oh! That is disgusting! Hiccup Wait here. I need to find the twins to get that Zippleback under control before the Berserkers- Astrid Are here. Hiccup Great. Just great. Hiccup Hey, Dad, there's something-- Stoick Not now, son. Oswald is here. Berserker Presenting the high Chief of he Berserker tribe, cracker of skulls, slayer of beasts, the great and fearsome... Gobber Oswald the Agreeable? Berserker Dagur the Deranged!

''[The Berserker steps out of the way for Dagur. Dagur spits and chuckles with an evil smirk.]''

Stoick Dagur? Gobber Deranged? Hiccup Oh, no.

''[Dagur throws a knife towards Hiccup. Hiccup ducks, barely missing the knife.]''

Hiccup Oh, perfect. Stoick Dagur, where's your father? Dagur My father has been... retired. He lost his taste for blood. I, on the other hand, am starving. So, where are you hiding them, Stoick? Stoick Hiding what, Dagur? Dagur Do I look stupid to you? Gobber Trick question, don't answer it. Dagur We both know what's going on here. I have it on excellent authority that you're amassing an army of dragons. Stoick Excellent authority? And who would that be, Dagur? Dagur Never mind. Just know that if I find it to be true, then my armada will attack with the force of fifty thousand brave Berserker soldiers. Stoick Stand down, Dagur. There won't be any need for the armada. Now lets get to the treaty. Dagur Yes, let's. According to the treaty, my visit starts with a tour of Berk, the armory, the feast in the Great Hall, the killing arena-- you do still kill dragons here, hmm? Stoick Your father never found the tour necessary. Dagur As you can see, I'm not my father. Am I? Gobber Not in front of the armada. Hiccup Oh, this is bad, this is bad. This is really bad. I have to find that Zippleback! Astrid Hiccup, we have a problem. Hiccup Oh, yeah, you're telling me? Dagur's the new Berserker Chief! Astrid What?! Hiccup Yeah, his father "retired"! And he thinks we're hiding dragons. Astrid Well, we kind of are. Which brings us to our next problem. Hiccup Huh, Barf? Belch? Here? Gobber And we're walking, walking. Here we have our food storage. It's where we... well... Dagur Oh, oh, oh, let me guess! Store your food. Gobber No wonder they made him chief. Hiccup Barf, Belch, come back here! Dagur Bo-ring! I want to see the dragon-killing things! Stoick Follow me. Astrid Where did it go? Hiccup I have no idea. You keep looking, and I'll go warn my dad. Dagur Oh, you want some of this, Gronckle? How ‘bout you, Nadder? Hyah! That's right plead, plead for your pathetic dragon life! Gobber He's really got a handle on that whole "deranged" thing. Stoick I'm about to make him eat this sword! Gobber Why don't we see to signing that treaty now? Dagur Sounds like my father. "Sign the treaty, Dagur." "Leave that chicken alone, Dagur!" "Put down that axe, Dagur!" Stoick Your father is a great man! And I'll not have you disrespect him! Dagur My father was a coward. I intend to return the Berserkers to their former glory. Something he was incapable of doing. Stoick Zippleback! Dagur I knew it! Where is it? Ooh, let me kill it, let me kill it! Gobber He's joking, Dagur! That Stoick, always the prankster. Tell me, Dagur, what are some of your deranged plans for the Berserker tribe? Hiccup Barf? Belch? Guys you can't be here! Oh, come on, what did they do? Okay, think like Ruffnut and Tuffnut. I can't believe I just said that. Barf, Belch, sky! Dagur Nice weapons, very clean, no blood stains, pity. Ah, Hiccup, there you are. Hiccup Dagur! I was just thinking about you! Hey, remember that time we went swimming, and you tried to drown me? Dagur Hohohohohohoheheheheha. Oh, the laughs we had. Bored again! Just a moment. Something is going on here. Hiccup I can explain. Dagur Where is it? Hiccup Look it’s just one drag-- Dagur Your leg. Never mind. I heard all about it. Hiccup You heard all about what? Dagur You. The Red Death. Defeated it all on your own. Hiccup What? Me? Look at me. How is that even possible? Dagur Right? That's what I thought, too, but then I heard about the trained dragons, and that got me, well, kind of tingly. Hiccup Trained dragons? I do-- I don't even-- How would you train a dragon? Dagur I don’t know. How would you? Hiccup Alright, then. Whose hungry? Stoick It’s this way Dagur. Hiccup Oh, boy, am I hungry. Stoick I said, this way, Dagur! Get that dragon out of here. Hiccup We need the twins. Tuffnut What are you guys doing here? Hiccup Hey, Tuffnut, feel like talking? Astrid Um, can you come down? Tuffnut Whatever. Whoa. Yeah, I love that part. Hiccup Look, about Barf and Belch, we need you and Ruffnut to get your dragon under control. Tuffnut Uh-uh. No. No, thank you. I am officially out of the dragon business, and the sister business, and the dragon and sister business: The "dristisderness". Astrid What’s going on with you two. Tuffnut Simple. You know what this is? Hiccup Uh, a spoon? Tuffnut No it’s our spoon. Just like this is our dish, and our axe, and our well-groomed stuff yak. Everything is ours. I’m sick of ours. Just once I want something to be just mine. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pack up my half of the yak. Hiccup Go? Where? Tuffnut I don't know. To my dark, soggy, alone place. Not to cry. This house, it has too many memories. Hiccup Tuff! Astrid Dark, soggy, alone place? Hiccup Yeah, I really don't want to know. Stoick Did you get that Zippleback under control? Hiccup We're working on it. Dagur A toast! To death in battle! Gobber To your father! To Oswald! Dagur Fine, whatever! "To Oswald! To Oswald! To Oswald!" Bladady, Bladady, Blah! Ugh! Gobber Well, on that cheery note, shall we sign the treaty and send you on your way? Dagur Great idea! Let's sign that treaty. Bring us the dragon's blood! Hiccup Uh, did you say dragon's blood? Stoick Heh, heh. Don’t be ridiculous, Dagur. Your father and I haven’t signed the treaty in dragon's blood for years. Dagur Why would that be a problem, Stoick? Unless, of course, you don't kill dragons anymore. Stoick We still kill dragons. Gobber The problem is, we've killed so many, there isn't a dragon within two hundred miles-- Except that one. Dagur The Zippleback! It's a sign. A head for each Chief! It’s going to be amazing! Tonight, we hunt dragon! Berserkers Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Stoick You need to find that Zippleback before he does. Astrid Hiccup, you heard Tuffnut. He went to his dark, soggy, alone place. That could be anywhere. Snotlout Not really! That could only be one place. What? Hiccup Why didn't you say something?! Snotlout Why didn't you ask? Astrid Snotlout, we've been looking for them all day! Snotlout And? Astrid And if you don’t right now, I’m gonna throw you off that dragon! Snotlout No need to get violent. He's probably at the lost cavern. They used to play hide and go kill there when they were kids. Hiccup Astrid, you and Snotlout take the South entrance of the cavern. Fishlegs and I will take the North. Astrid Let's go. Ugh. Hiccup Alright, bud, do your thing. Search. Snotlout Pretty dark in here. If you need to hold my hand, Astrid, it's okay. Astrid Sure, Snotlout. Snotlout Ooh. Soft as I thought it would be... EWW! Hiccup Tuffnut? Tuffnut Oh, you guys again. Would you quit following me?! Astrid Ruffnut? Ruffnut Would you quit following me?! Hiccup Did you guys hear that? Snotlout Duh. It's called an echo. Hiccup Toothless, plasma blast! Tuffnut What are you doing in my soggy place?! Ruffnut This is my soggy place! And I’m not sharing it with you! Hiccup Okay, listen, please. We need to get you guys to your dragon. It’s important. Astrid Barf and Belch are in real trouble. Tuffnut I'll go! But not with her. Ruffnut I'm not going anywhere with her either! Tuffnut Yeah! Wait, what? Hiccup No, you don’t understand. You both have to go! Guys, listen. Like it or not, your connected to each other, and the two of you are connected to that dragon. Just like me with Toothless. Astrid And me with Stormfly. Fishlegs Us, too. Hiccup We can get you another spoon, another dish, another stuffed yak. What we can't get you is another Barf and Belch. Tuffnut Eh... Hiccup Do you think they got any of that? Tuffnut Fine. You know, I did spit a little more in my hand. Astrid They got it. Hiccup Okay, let's go. We're out of time. Tuffnut So why is this so important, anyway? Snotlout The Berserkers are hunting down your dragon to use its blood for ink. What? Is that not what’s happening? Hiccup There they are! We gotta to get you guys down there. Tuffnut NOOOO! What are we doing here?! We have to get our dragon! Hiccup We can't afford to be spotted by the Berserkers. Dagur Hyah! How... dare... you? Stoick How dare you? We're supposed to slay this dragon together, and that's what we'll do, in the arena, where dragon killing is done. Dagur To the arena! Tuffnut The Chief’s not gonna let them kill our dragon... Ruffnut and Tuffnut Is he? Hiccup He won't have a choice unless we can figure out a plan. Snotlout I have a plan. One word: ANNIHILATE! Unh! Hookfang! Astrid Or not. Hiccup Actually, that could work! Gobber According to the treaty, the killing of the dragon-- must be-- Dagur Bored! I want the head on the right. Stoick I’m putting a stop to this. If it means war, it means war. Hiccup HELP! DRAGON ATTACK! Astrid The Dragons are attacking! Run for your lives! We gotta get out of here! Gobber What is going on? Stoick Gobber, dragon attack. Gobber Oh. Dragon attack! Everyone out of here! We must protect our honored guests. Dagur Run if you want, but Dagur the Deranged will not retreat! Ruffnut Barf, gas. Tuffnut Belch, spark. Dagur Whoa! A Night Fury! They do exist! Hiccup Back, you... fiend, you! You’ll not harm my friend Dagur. Please, Dagur, save yourself. You owe it to your people! Dagur Berserkers, to the boats! Gobber What about the treaty? Dagur Consider it signed! Stoick Well done, Hiccup. I doubt we'll be seeing much more of Dagur the Deranged. Hiccup Lets hope not. Hiccup (v.o.) I used to think four heads was a little crazy, and I wasn't wrong. Snotlout I still think Dagur's pretty cool! Hiccup (v.o.) But I'll take crazy over berserk any day of the week.