If I Only Had a Job

1 No, Tonya. There's no need to worry. Everything is running smoothly. Rae, tell your mother everything is fine. Hey, Mom, we haven't eaten for days your plants are dead and I'm dropping out of school. Love you. Bye. It was a joke. No. No! Corey's a big boy. I let him pick out his own clothes for school. Corey can't come to the phone right now, but I'll send him your love. Yeah. Tell your folks I said hello. Bye-bye. Corey, what do you have on? I'm making a statement. This says, "Hi, I'm Corey. You want to float my boat?" Oh, really? 'Cause I'm hearing "Hi, I'm Corey. Want to beat me up?" Corey, go upstairs and put on something that doesn't quack. And Rae, come on you got to eat something before you go to school. I'm too nervous, Dad. They're announcing who's getting the parts in The Wizard of Oz today. Uh-huh. Well, let me guess. You are going up for the role of Dorothy. Yes, Dad, but I already made my costume. Say good-bye to Dorothy's you know, frumpy, blue, little farm dress and say hello to her new mini. Well, if Dorothy's still skipping down that yellow brick road that hemline better come way down. Come on, Corey. I got to get to the restaurant early today. New owner, Mr. Briggs-- two words-- not nice. I'm ready now. My creativity has been squashed, but I am ready. Good luck with the new boss today, Dad. Oh, come on, Rae. I get along with everybody. You know, that restaurant has had many owners but only one chef, your old man. Now please, please eat something. Okay, okay. I've heard enough out of you, Baxter. You're fired. Yep, that's me. You guys, I just had a really bad vision. I saw that my dad's going to get fired today. Man, Rae, that's deep. I know, and I keep calling the restaurant but the line's busy. I'm going to have to go down there at lunch and warn him. Well, hey, since you're going down there could you get me one of your dad's desserts? Yeah, sure, Eddie. You know, while I'm down there I'll just be, like, "Hey, Dad, you're getting fired. Oh, but before you go, could you grab me a cheesecake?" This is it, you guys. Drama club. It's where people just go in with these high hopes and come out with crushed dreams. So, you ready? I was. Well, just remember, if we don't get the part that we want it doesn't change who we are on the inside. I got the part! I'm the Scarecrow! My life has meaning! I must have had the best audition, huh? No. But Rodney is sick. I still got it. Kayla, I just wanted to say whoever gets the part, no hard feelings. Oh, how sweet. I should say something nice to you. I got nothing. Hater. And now, after careful consideration I have decided that the crucial role of Dorothy will be played by Raven Yes! I thought you were here. Why did I mark you absent? Okay where was I? Dorothy? Oh, yes. Such a fun part. And it will played by Kayla Simms. Oh-ho! I don't believe it! Is this real? Oh, somebody pinch me. Ooh, must be real. Rae, don't worry about it. It's just a part. It's not a big deal. And the Wicked Witch of the West will be Chelsea Daniels. Yes, I got the part! I got the part! That's right. Who's your witch? Who's your witch? Who's your witch? Yeah, not that it's any big deal. Victor, what is this? It's my famous stuffed artichoke. No. It's your famous huge artichoke. Huge means I pay more for it. I hate huge. Mr. Briggs, I personally handpicked this produce myself. My motto is, the customer always comes back when quality is the main ingredient. Really? My motto is, I own the place. Go salt something. Thank you. Hi. I'm Raven, Victor's daughter. Hi. How are you? Nice to Bye-bye. Um, I just I just didn't mean to bother you, but And yet, here you stand. I just wanted to say that, you know my Dad's just really passionate about food and-and that's what makes him a great chef. I mean, you are totally lucky to have him. Tons of restaurants are dying to hire him. Really? Oh, is that so? Hi. How are you? Uh yes, yes. It's-it's very so. So, since you have him hold on to him really tight. Well, I'll tell you since you're following me anyway I- I think your father's a wonderful chef and-and I'm very happy with him. Okay? Okay. See, that is what I wanted to hear. Oh, good. You know what I want to hear? Bye-bye? Oh, you're good. Rae? Rae, What are you doing here? Oh. Yeah, what am I doing here? Let me guess. You got the part of Dorothy. No. I- I didn't get it. Oh, I'm so sorry, baby. That's okay. That's what I came here for, to tell you that and-and that I'm okay with it. Well, that's the Rae I know. Yeah. So, I'm going back to school and you, Daddy-- you have a great day. Okay. So, I see you met my daughter Raven. She's really great. Really? She must be having an off day. Now, you guys, before we start rehearsal I'd just like to say there's so much stuff I could do with this part. Yeah. That's cool, Rae, but really um, you're the Wicked Witch of the East and your part's lying under a house. Yeah. Get under the coffee table and stick your feet out. No. No, no, no, no, no. You don't get it. See, I've been working on this part. I call this "Death of a Witch. " Something's coming It's a house I'll be under it in this blouse That I bought today. Rae, Rae? Rae, Rae. Rae, Rae. Rae! Rae, Rae, Rae. Rae, Rae, Rae! Let me show you something. Look, come here, come on. You are a squished witch, all right? Okay, now let me Come on down right here. That's what you do. You know what? Fine. This is a lame part anyway. I'm just going to tell Senorita Rodriguez I quit. What's up, Mr. Baxter? Hi, Mr. Baxter. Hey, Dad. What are you doing home so early? What kind of greeting is that? What about, "Dad's home. Let's party?!" He sure is in a good mood. No. Something's wrong. Dad, are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Just making a little soup. It might be a little less chunky without the can. What's going on? Oh, nothing. I just got into a little argument with Mr. Briggs. Dad, what happened? I mean, when I left everything seemed great. You know, nothing's ever great with that guy. He even had a problem with you coming down today. Like you even said more than two words to him. Two? Maybe three. Four. Dad, four tops. And then he said if I had a problem with the way he wants things done that I should go work at one of the tons of restaurants that were dying to hire me. I don't even know where he got that from. You got fired, didn't you? Um, yeah, baby, I got fired. But everything is going to be okay. Dad, I am so sorry. Oh, baby, don't be. It's not like it's your fault, you know? Rae, it is not your fault your dad got fired. Chelsea if I didn't go down there and bother his boss he would still have a job. That is so true. Stand here. Stand there. Hold this. Nine feet. Yep, my bed can go right here. Excuse me, what are you doing? Making sure all my stuff's going to fit. 'Cause when Dad finds out you got him fired you'll be history. And this will all be mine. Hey, baby, you like my new crib? Rae, why don't you just go talk to Mr. Briggs tell him you're sorry and maybe he'll hire your dad back. This paint has got to go! Uh, look, munchkin, I've had enough of you. I am going to the restaurant tomorrow to get Dad's job back. And until then, hey, you see the finger? You see the finger? The finger's looking at the room, and the finger, yes the room is mine! So good-bye. All right, good-good-bye. Hi, me again. Oh, goody. Wishes do come true. Yes, and I wish that you'd hire my dad back. And then, some wishes don't. Mr. Briggs, look. I don't think my dad should be fired because of my mistake. You know, I think it's just nifty that you came all the way down here to stick up for your dad. Right or wrong ever notice how nifty people never win? Your dad's not getting his job back. Hey, Mr. Briggs, now, you don't fool me, okay? You're trying to talk tough but I can see that you're a very kind, sensitive warm, forgiving person. Dear child, you see right through me, don't you? Listen, Robin Raven. Whatever. A little advice, kid. Kissing up will get you nowhere. Hello, Mr. Q. Z. ! So nice to see you again. Q. Z. in the hiz-house. P- P-Peace to the brothers. I see you brought the whole the whole posse. I have a lovely table for you. I loved your last video. It was slammin'. All right, all right. Everybody step back. Yes famous person's coming through. Welcome to Augustine's. Two steps back. Please. Stop looking at me. Why can't I just blend in? Get me our usual table. Y- Your usual table? He's looking me in the eye. Don't do that. Does you know who I be? Does you listen to music? Do you watch TV? Do you carry a lunch box? Poppy, tell him who I be. Me? You don't expect me to introduce me do you? Well, uh, you know, uh, that-that's Right, uh, th-that's Liz Onya. Oh! Oh, Li oh! Right! Right! Right, right, right this way, Miss-Miss Onya. Liz Onya? Hey, you was almost about to be Pork Choppa. I don't need a menu! Just have Victor prepare my usual. Oh, Victor doesn't work here anymore. Are you joking?! Shh! Don't shush her. This restaurant is nothing without Victor. Where is he? You know, if I were you I'd get Victor back right now. Get me J-Lo! Oh! It's too late! Hey, girlfriend. Yeah, let me tell you something. I'm down here at Augustine's and this fool fired our Victor. I know, no all right. She wants to speak to you. Jennifer Lopez wants to talk to me? Don't look at the phone, brother. No. H- H-Hello, Ms. Lopez. Yeah, I just want to say I'm a b-big, big fan. Don't you sweet talk me. Not after what you did to my Victor. You want to see my back then get Victor back! Mom says all boys' voices change at this age. And anyone who makes fun of me is just mean. The only reason I came here is for Victor's cooking! And I'm sure I'm not the only one. Excuse me. Victor would've never served an artichoke that scrawny! And Victor never used this ingredient in his cooking. Take that back! Uh, excuse me. Some of our customer's are wondering if you'll sing something off your new CD? They are? Oh, please sing. It's a wonderful idea. Please sing something, please. No, I'm not sure I can. No, no, no. She cannot just sing cold. I mean, really. Uh, yeah, uh, uh, Liz Onya's always better, uh warmed up, brother. I'll consider hiring Victor back. It's showtime! I think I'll do a song, uh, that I just wrote. Okay. Rae, I only know one song. Then just play it and make it funky. I And it goes a little something like this. Oh, when the saints, ooh Go marching in Oh, when the saints go marching in Oh, yes, I want to be in that number When the saints go marching in Take it, Poppy. Oh, when the saints Go marching in Excuse me, ooh, too much garlic. Take this. Take this. She ain't kissing you good night. Oh, when the saints go marching in Everybody! # Since Victor left # Since Victor left The food's no good The food's no good Since Victor left, the food's no good It's undercooked, and poorly seasoned Since Victor left, the food's no good Since Victor left Since Victor left The food's no good Since Victor left, the food's no good It's undercooked and poorly seasoned Since Victor left, the food's no good Tell Mr. Briggs! Look over there! Bring Victor back! Right over there! Tell Mr. Briggs, bring Victor back I better wrap up this number Tell Mr. Briggs Bring Victor back! I'll bring him back. I love you. I love you all. And more importantly you love me. Okay. Um just going to go through the kitchen. I know. You recognize greatness. No, Anti Pasta Liz Onya. Whatever. But I do recognize you. Don't you just hate it when the bad guy wins? Don't look at me. Oh, of course not. Raven, I was wrong. You have a lovely voice. You should have gotten the part of Dorothy. So I'm getting the part? No. Y- Yeah, but Mr. Briggs, it She said that? But But but Whatever. That was Mr. Briggs, Raven. Or should I say Liz Onya? You know I don't think I've ever heard him that mad before. Way to go, Raven. So, Dad, you're okay? Absolutely. You know, sometimes bad news is really an opportunity in disguise. Like when I was in high school on the football team. It was homecoming weekend and I got hurt really bad. Ooh, Dad, what happened? A bad tackle? No, they cut me from the team-- that hurt really bad. Thanks for the tip, Dad. No, my point is because I didn't have to go to practice I had more free time. So, I started hanging out with your grandmother. Started helping her out in the kitchen. And that's when I realized I love to cook. You never told me that story. Yeah, but see, the point of this whole thing is life is going to knock you down sometimes, and that's okay. But what's not okay is when you let life keep you down. Don't worry. Everything's going to be okay. I'm not going to be down for long. I'm sure you'll think of something. Let me see this cake, will you? You know Senorita Rodriguez even though I only got the part of the Wicked Witch of the East I'm okay with that because I figured, "Hey, that's life. " And it's not going to keep me down. That's a good way to look at it, Raven. So, since, you know, I don't have any lines I'm going to have a lot of free time. And I wanted to, you know design the costumes for the show. So, introducing Scarecrow from the 'hood. Come on. And happenin' Wicked Witch. We ain't in Kansas no mo', no mo'. Raven, these are wonderful. You got the job. Thank you. Oh I forgot one. One second. Yo, munchkin, get in here! So, whose room is it again? Your room. Good little munchkin.
 * Oh, when the saints # This steak is rare.
 * 1) Go marching in # Take it back.