The Stars

A Little Off The Top



 * There, all done. Let me show you the back.




 * Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Same time tomorrow?


 * Of course, sir.




 * Oh, Mr. Watterson, I didn't see you there.




 * So, how can I help?


 * Just a trim, please. Something like this.


 * Uh, sir, there is a slight problem.


 * If you're worried I can't pay, I can assure you I went through my wife's purse this morning.


 * Actually, I had another concern. You, uh, appear to be... bald.




 * I'm not bald! Bald people are a joke!


 * Uh, I'm bald, sir.


 * Exactly! Listen, I came here for a haircut! I'm not leaving until I get one!


 * Uh, are you sure?


 * Yes!




 * Is everything okay?


 * Mm-hmm.

Hare Triggered



 * Disgraceful! First, he gives me this insult of a haircut, then he has the audacity to call me bald! Me! Richard Watterson! How dare he say that to me--


 * How long's he been going on like this?


 * What?!




 * Dude, you don't have ears. Where did you put those?


 * Oh. So that's why they didn't work.


 * So, how long has he been going on like this?


 * About three days. Mr. Dad, why didn't you just tell Larry there and then that you weren't happy?


 * And waste my precious breath on someone so deluded?! I mean, do I look like a guy who's lost his hair?!


 * Uh, stand still. It's kinda hard to tell with the light bouncing off your head.


 * Hmph!


 * Dad, you've gotta step up and do the right thing. Leave a mean review about Larry online and ruin his life with complete anonymity.


 * Hmm. That's both lazy and cowardly. Pass me the laptop.




 * Agh! Anyone know my login? I've forgotten it.


 * Okay, what do you want to say?


 * "I left this hairdresser a sad, broken man."


 * Dad, you went in a sad, broken man. The key to a good online review is to take out all the frustration you have in your life on someone who totally doesn't deserve it.




 * & : Ooh... Hm... Oh!


 * And viola.


 * And... send!




 * Hello?


 * It's Larry.


 * It's Larry.


 * It's Larry!


 * It's Larry!


 * It's Larry!


 * Uh, yes, it's Larry. I'm calling about your review.


 * How are you so sure it was me? I used a fake name.


 * Well, actually, you signed the review, "Richard."


 * But I meant a different Richard.


 * A different Richard Watterson?


 * I have a very common name.


 * You uploaded your photo.


 * I... have a very common face?


 * What you said was uncalled for, mean, and frankly, full of grammatical errors. But it's my philosophy that the customer is always right, so if you take down the review, you can get free haircuts for you and your family.


 * And?


 * And you have a thick head of hair.


 * How thick?


 * Quite thick?


 * I'll take it! Now, if you kids will excuse me, I'm off to buy--  a com-b.


 * Did you see what happened there? All we have to do is threaten Larry with a bad review, and he'll give us free stuff! And that guy works everywhere! It's a victimless crime!


 * Apart from Larry.


 * Effortless. It's an effortless crime.

Crime Spree



 * Dude, we ate too much. I'm gonna loosen my belt.


 * Me too.




 * & : Belly five!




 * I hope everything was to your liking, gentlemen. Here's your check.


 * Eh, I don't think we'll be paying.


 * And why would I give you a free meal?


 * Because that's the sort of generous touch that guarantees you a glowing five star review!


 * I don't think so.


 * Four stars it is, then.




 * Hey, stop that! One bad review online is all it takes to drag a place down!


 * Talking back to a customer? Three stars. Take it down to two. Maybe we can get a free dessert.




 * Want to try for one star, Larry?


 * Okay, okay, your meal is free!


 * Five stars. Would come again. We'll take the desserts to go.


 * We don't do takeou--


 * Hmm?




 * Boooring! Ugh! Rhinos, flamingos? I've seen it all before. There's nothing new here. It's getting one star.


 * What?! You want new animals?! Breaking the laws of nature seems kind of wrong.


 * Hmm?


 * But the customer is always right!




 * Ta-da.


 * That... is... horrific. Five stars.




 * So, Man Man, what can I do for you?


 * Well, Miss Plane, I was in the area, and I thought I'd, uh, take a look at your tax returns.


 * This movie is garbage. What superhero is this?


 * Man Man! He was bitten by a man, and given the powers of a man.


 * Yeah, that's weak. Guess we'll give the cinema one star.


 * Wait! We didn't make the film!


 * Yeah, but you showed it. You should apply a little quality control before stealing two hours of our lives.


 * Plus ads.


 * Four hours of our lives.


 * All right, give me a minute.




 * Great game today.


 * Yeah, we're going all the way to the state finals. Who's that?


 * That?! Ha! She's just some nerdy girl that will never get with hot jocks like us! Troy?




 * You know, without these glasses, you're beautiful.


 * When did you know you were going to ask me to the prom?


 * From the moment our eyes met.


 * I remember last year, I wanted to see your face.




 * What was that?


 * I never thought they'd get together. They were so different.


 * They were literally the same guy.


 * Five stars!

Raters Gonna Rate



 * Hey! Ugh, one star!


 * Dude, you can't review Tobias. He's not a business.


 * Hmm.




 * Larry, we need you to design us a website.


 * But this is a shoe store.


 * A shoe store with a very poor web-design service. Larry, raise my eyebrow for me.




 * Right away! It's online.


 * Perfect.




 * I got reviewed? One star?!




 * Too small and round. One star.


 * Hey!


 * Has the dress sense of a fever dream and is easily confused.


 * Hey! I dyed this tie myself! Or is it tied this dye?


 * Ugh! The sun's too hot! One star?


 * Would not recommend to a nearby solar system.


 * Rate me one star? I am one star!




 * Principal Brown, what happened?


 * I got a terrible review online.


 * One star?


 * No, it was three stars. But the student made so many spelling errors, the school board sacked me anyway.




 * Wanna buy a pirate DVD?


 * Absolutely not.


 * This is bad, Gumball. Other people are using our website to review everything.


 * Meh, what could go wrong?




 * I guess the reviewer has become the reviewee.


 * Terrible line. Two stars.


 * Ohh.




 * What's wrong with you?! Why won't you help me?!


 * I'm sorry, but we can't risk it.


 * Our last review was all, "Emergency response times this, medical ethics that."


 * So I'm supposed to just lie here?!


 * Hm, patient very pushy. One star.


 * Boring accident scene. One star.


 * Dude!


 * Come on! Do something about these termites! They're eating my house!


 * Sorry, I can't afford any more bad reviews. Turns out termites have a strong online presence.




 * Well, at least we can sleep in the car. Huh?  Well, at least I've still got my loving wife.




 * Oh, come on!

Bald Faced Lie



 * Uh... what's going on?




 * Dad?! What's happening?


 * The people in the store said bald guys don't need combs, so I gave them one star, so they gave me one star. What if I lose that star too? What will people I don't know on the internet think about me?


 * Dad, other people's opinions don't matter. Only our opinions matter. That's why we made the website.


 * Terrible logic. One star.


 * He's got a point, Gumball.


 * Not supporting your brother. One star.




 * Just do nothing. If you don't do anything, you can't do anything wrong, and you can't get a bad review.


 * Well, I guess if nobody's moving, nothing bad can happen. Right?




 * Terrible driver. Too fast!




 * Far too slow.




 * Too jerky!


 * Grating voice. One star!


 * Typing while driving. One star.




 * Officer! Do something!


 * Nuh-uh! I'm on two stars here. One bad review, and I could be busted down to traffic cop. And then I'd have to do something.


 * I've got it! We made the website to give everything bad reviews, but now that's stopped everyone. Maybe if we give the website a bad review, that will stop the website!


 * Clunky overwordy exposition. Zero star--


 * Rude interrupter! One star!




 * Terrible aftershave!


 * Stinks of banana! One star!




 * Larry!


 * Oh, what now?!


 * You're the only one with a high enough rating! You've gotta give the website zero stars!


 * Sure, right away... Wait a minute. I'll do it, on one condition.


 * Anything!


 * Someone has to admit he's bald.


 * Of course. I understand. Darwin, just tell him you're bald.


 * What?! I'm not bald! I have a healthy head of scales!


 * Oh, come on!


 * You're right. Gumball, just tell--


 * You! You! It's you! Bald! You are BALD!




 * I'm not bald!


 * Fine. Then I'll give the website a five star review, and it will become unstoppable!


 * & : NOO!




 * I'm not bald! I'm not bald!




 * Yay! I can go back to not caring what anyone thinks!


 * Yeah! I can go back to treating other people's mail like garbage!


 * Yay! I can get back to running! Hooray.


 * What the? The website's down.


 * & : Yeah! You did it!


 * You gave it zero stars!


 * Gah! This is all your fault! The sunlight bounced off the top of your head! How else could that happen if you weren't BALD?!


 * All right, I'll admit it. I'm ba--