My Babysitter's a Vampire (TV movie)

1 [Thunder and lightning strikes] I love you. - I'm not human. - I don't care. Bite me. I'm begging you. [Screaming on TV] Look at all this! What'd you do, rob an ice cream truck or something? Tomorrow we officially join the high school brotherhood. We are men. We must mark the moment. Let's make it the Sunday to end all Sundays. Remember grade five when you put 176 of these in your mouth? - Yeah, right! It was 186! - No way. I did 172; you did 176. You barely hit 150! - I got it. - No, mine. - Mine. Mine. Remember to count them. [Thumping sound] Hey, Ethan. Do you hear that? [Muffled counting] Teenagers really are dumb. We're tied, okay? [Muffled speech] No. [Loud thud] [Loud thud] What are you doing? What's it look like I'm doing? Trespassing. Why don't you make like an egg and beat it? I'm going to tell my big brother. Really? I'm so scared! Pfft. I've seen your brother. He might be older, but he's not big. Fetch. Abbey! [Screaming] Honey? Honey? What's wrong? Are you hurt? What are you doing outside? Ethan! Hey. You're home early. How was date night? Okay, sweetheart? What you get is what you see No more "Maybe It's Maybelline" She can give you everything you need What you need She's the girl next door Nice but not in a heart that's pure She's the girl next door Just for me She's the girl next door Nice but not in a heart that's pure She's the girl next door Just for me She's the girl next door Nice but not in a heart that's pure She's the girl next door [School bell rings] A babysitter? For you? Classic! Shh! Keep it down, man. This kind of info could totally ruin a guy's rep. And it's not for me; It's for Jane. Well, on the positive side, one of these primo high school babes could totally be at your house tonight. Hey, hot stuff. - Dude! - What? All I know is her name is Erica and she goes to this school. With any luck, I can talk my parents out of it by tonight. Ah, hey! Principal Hicks, let me give you a hand. Oh, thank you, Jesse. Much better. Anything for our fearless leader. Do you mind? Ah, French roast. French roast - Good choice. - Good choice [Chuckling] Boys in the drama club, always making a scene, ha-ha-ha. [Chuckling] Benny, this is it. Our whole future social lives could depend on how we behave here the next few days, soâ - What do you think? - Benny! Those are state of the art alien DNA detector goggles! Yeah, so? High school cafeteria is an ideal place to test them out! Yeah, and to brand us as dorks for the next four years! - Just give me the goggles. - No. You promise to be cool? - OK, I willâ - Hey! You guys, hey! Over here. Oh, no The three amigos ride again. Any of you guys got a buck 28? Ugh Okay, that's it. I'm getting away from you guys - or I'm doomed to beâ - Ah! Dork! Thank you so much! That is one babe-tastic tower of Babe-alon. I'm AB positive you will be mine. Drinking your hemoglobin may be a crime but our love will sparkle for all time. Sarah. Wait up! Where have you been? I've been texting you all morning. Oh! What happened to your shirt? - Ugh. Don't ask. - Okay, guess what? I already have 200 tickets sold for the screening. Only seven more days. I seriously think if I had to wait eight more days instead of seven more days, I would go crazy. Yeah. Me too You skipped math today. Were you with Jesse? Yes. If I had a cute boyfriend, I'd totally skip class too. What? I would! Do you think you're the only one who's allowed to break the rules? - No, but you're a good girl. - So are you. I don't know anymore. Straight A's, always nice to everyone. Trust me, you are. Anyways, I saved you two seats. - Jesse's coming, right? - No, he's not a real Dusk fan. What? How can you date someone who doesn't like Dusk? - The second book changed my life. - Yeah, I know. No way. That babe you branded is friends with her? Who? Stage one Dusker girl? Her name is Erica, and she's the Princess Leia to my Han Solo. Hey, maybe she's your babysitter for tonight. Okay, first, in no universe are you Han. I doubt it's the same Erica. Ah, you're right. Probably too good to be true. - I'm going to go find out. - Wait, what? Benny? Benny! Way to go, Benny! Shut up! Hi there. Are you by any chance babysitting the Morgans tonight? Yeah. Why, do you know their kids? Yeah, one of them is my buddy, sitting right over there. He's a bit shy. See you around. Yes! - [Boy]: Think she'll tuck you in tonight? - Shut up! - Yeah! I think she likes me. - What? Why? You're being babysat by a Dusker. Diehard fans of Dusk are so lame. Yeah, you should talk. You still sleep with Starship Enterprise jammies. Dusk is based on fairytale creatures; Star Trek is based on actual physics. True but, hey, if fairytales is what it takes to nab my future wife, then, once upon a time, I'm in! Hey, check it out: Looks like they found the rest of that missing senior. - The rest? - Yeah, says here he was all shriveled up. You know, kind of like this juice box. - I am so sorry. I didn'tâ - Dude! Oh, bummer. Looks like she's already hooked up with Mr. Too-Cool-For-School. Did somebody mention my name? don't be ridiculous. Well, it's too late to turn back now! Jesse, Sarah said you weren't a big fan of vampire movies? I love vampires. That's exactly what I told her. - Yeah, well I gotta go. - Okay. Well I'll see you around. Dusk forever! There's something not right about that drama club. Hope we all see you at the screening. I am so going to your house tonight. Great The more "mathletes," the merrier. - Can I come? - [Ethan and Benny]: No. Watch it, nerds! Ha! Ha! Ha! It must be pretty embarrassing needing a babysitter in high school. Howdy pardners. Ain't she purdy as a 20 dollar bill in a 10 gallon hat? Oh, well, thank you, kind sir. We're going country line-dancing. Yeah, I kind of noticed. Um, Mom? Dad? I just want to say you were right. I shouldn't have left Jane untended last week. I learned my lesson. So, you can cancel the sitter and save 25 dollars. Ethan, I already told you, I'm not going to leave you alone with Jane until I know you can be trusted. Sorry, pal. She's the sheriff. Fine! I'll be in my room. Alone. Hey, man. Any sign of the babe-o-sitter yet? No. I'm staying in my room as a form of protest. Well, I'm not! First sign of Babezilla approaching, and I am there. Good luck with that. [TV]: You killed my BFF! [Sighs] She should be here. [Crickets chirping] [Rustling] [Squawking] Hey. [Erica gasps] Sarah, oh, my gosh, you scared me. I wanted to apologize. I haven't been the greatest friend lately. Yeah. I miss hanging out with you. You don't even text me anymore. Things are kind of weird right now. I can't reallyâ No, it's okay. I got it. I'm not cool enough for you since you started dating Jesse. No, that's not it at all, I swear. Then what? We're supposed to be organizing this fan club screening together. I know. My life's just really complicated right now. This is the one we get to find out if he bites her or not! I know, but it is just a movie. [Gasps] "Just a movie"? Oh, my gosh. Who are you?! I have to go. I have a babysitting job. I will see you around, Dusk abandoner. Erica! Okay, fine. You're right, it is because of Jesse, but it's not how you think. Well, speak of the devil. - Hello again. - Hello again. You're not avoiding me, are you? Oh, she's avoiding a lot of people. Come on, what are you afraid of? I just I need some more time. Tick tock Time's up. [Gust of wind] [TV]: Aren't you scared my dad will catch us? You make me brave. He'll kill you if he finds out. - Hm? - Oh right. So, anyway, listen. There's this monster party at Jesse's later, and if Sarah is not interested, maybe you'd like to hang out with us. But she can't; She's babysitting. No, I'm not. Count me in. - Erica, no! - I am allowed to break the rules, too. And he's really cute. You don't understand! Okay, the rest of you, go on ahead. Sarah and I need to have a little talk. You said I could choose, Jesse. You said it was up to me! It is. But, hey, some decisions need a little push. [Sharp slap] [He chuckles] Come on, Sarah. Can't you feel it? Your body knows what it wants. Lucky for me, I think with my brain. You're not going anywhere. [Animal-like grunting and growling] Hmm You hear that? It sounds like ultimate raccoon fighting in our back yards! Sounds huge! Why fight it, Sarah? You're the one who said you liked vampires. I never said I wanted to be one! [Deepened voice]: You shouldn't have done that. [Sarah yelling] [Loud thump] Sounds like part of a tree hit the house. [Doorbell rings] Oh, honey, I've got it. - All right. - Finally. Hi. You must be Erica, the babysitter? Uh, what? Uh, no, uh, she's sick so she sent me. Uh, I'm Sarah. Can I come in? Please? Of course. Jane? Your babysitter's here. Hi l'm Jane. Hi. Oh! My! God! Oh, oh Whoa! Uh, Earth to Ethan? - Hello. - Hey. [Jane]: Do you like Dance Dance Revolution? I'm a brutal dancer. I'm pretty sure you'd kick my butt every time. Perfect! You're up first. Oh, hang on a second, honey. You're bleeding. Oh, it's nothing. I tripped on the way here. It doesn't even hurt. You know, I'll go get some bandages. - Are you sure you're okay? - Oh, yeah! Uh, shortcut through the woods. Aha, okay. Well, listen, my cell number is on the fridge, and Jane has to be in bed no later than 8:30. You're a queen bee you're a queen bee stinger A heartbreaking girl who puts me through the ringer You're the kind of girl you have to witness Now let's do 12 push-ups to up my fitness Oh! My! God! Bye, sweetie. - Love you. - I love you back. Good night, sweetheart. - Bye, Ethan! - [Ethan]: Yeah, bye. Have fun at the rodeo, or whatever. [Ethan's mom]: Thanks! I've been known to watch your hips sway Down the hallway each and every other day Probably used to hearing you're a 10 out of 10 Every time you pass by, dudes say "Come again?" And when you leave I hit the rewind You dazzle so bright you leave me stone-blind Found the bandages. And we found that secret stash of Fudgsicles! Ah! Jane! Nice! I guess now we're even. Here. [Knocking at the door] - Um, I got it. - No, no, no! I got pop, chips, and the first season of The Bloodsucker Diaries. Whoâ Where's your bathroom? Oh, um It's down that hall there to the left. Dude isn't that your robo-babe from school? Yes. I guess Erica couldn't come, so she sent her instead. So she's like a - substitute babe? - Dude. - Sweet! - No, no. Not sweet. Jeez, could you be less of a geek for once? Oh, yeah. This coming from the guy who looks like he pooped his pants from the front. Nice job, by the way. It's Fudgsicle! Anyway, let's order some 'zza. I'm starving. Hey. It's me. [Sarah]: Erica, please listen to me! You have to get away from those guys! Give me the usual, and supersize that puppy. I'm next door. It's, uh, exactly 7:19, and you have 30 minutes or it's free. Engage! Just give her some privacy. I think she's crying. What did you say to her? Just Go watch some TV or something, okay? I'm sure she'll be fine. [Gasps] Looking for something? Or are you just an incredible perv? Uh I no! I uh [Whispering]: Benny! - All right, dude. This new Galactica spin-off is on tonight, and we should totally Okay, what's up? I just saw Sarah. She was she was in front of the mirror, but not in it! Okay, hold up. How much aftershave did you drink? Dude, I'm serious! Her reflection was all wonky. She's not normal, okay? She's like a Hey, look. You guys don't really need a sitter, do you? Depends on what you mean by "need. " No, no, we're fine. My mom just likes humiliating me to make a point. Okay, good. I need to find my friend, Erica. I think she's in trouble. Uh, maybe I should come with you. You know, for protection. [Object hitting the floor] [Ethan gasps] Trust me, you don't want to go out tonight. Besides, save those muscles for protecting yourself. Did you just see that? Uh Later, guys. Uh Wow, smooth. You get a mad-hot babe here, and you have to immediately go and weird her out. Well done. I'm very impressed. I'm telling you, I just saw something. Okay, she's not normal, and I'm going to find out what's going on. Fine. Undercover brother's on a mission. I like it. But aren't you forgetting something? Yeah. What are you forgetting? Thanks, Grandma! You're a lifesaver. Any time, dear. She smells funny. No, she doesn't. She smells nice. Like flowers and and mothballs. All right, now if the pizza isn't here in 26 minutes, you do not pay a dime. Okay. We uhm We will be right back. I promise. I hate being eight. What is all that stuff? Digicams with night vision infrared. You can't possibly expect us to investigate the supernatural realm without the proper equipment! Fine! Just keep it on the down-low, okay? She already thinks I'm a perv. You said her reflection wasn't all there, right? - Yeah. - Here's a thought: What if this is some publicity stunt thing for that stupid Dusk movie? If this is a "punk," I knew it all along! Benny! Shh! Come on. I think she was headed towards town. It's hopeless. We lost her. Must. Have. Pizza. She's out here. I I feel it. What? [Rustling among trash cans] [Glass scattering] Shh. There's something in the alley. [Benny]: Night vision engaged. What? Benny, what? Fine, I'm just going to go see forâ We should leave. - We should leave right now. - Why? [They scream] [She roars] [Screaming] [Screaming] We are so dead! Speak for yourself. Skinny guy coming through! Warp nine! Ahhh! Help! My babysitter's a vampire! Remember Halo Level Three? The battle plan I sent you? Evasive maneuvers. Alpha phi strike delta six. Engage! Whoa! Ah! Oh! You missed the pattern. Sometimes I just skim your emails. Fair enough. - Thanks. - What's your problem? [They scream] Just hold on! If you eat us, that would so not be cool. If I wanted to eat you, I would have done it by now. See? She's going to eat us! We're doomed! No, no, no. I just want - to talk to you guys! - Demon of the night, be gone! [She sighs] Guys, whatever you saw, it's not what it looks like. You're a freakin' vampire who eats animals and drinks their blood! Okay, so it is kind of what it looks like, butâ I'm warning you, I had garlic bread for lunch, and I am not afraid to use my breath. Would you both just shut up? I'm just a normal girl, okay? At least I was until I got bit by my crummy ex-boyfriend. I'm technically still a fledgling until I drink human blood, which I really don't want to do, so I have to figure out how to stop this thing before my mortal body dies, or at least stop it from happening to more people like Erica. So you're sure this isn't some stupid thing for that Dusk movie? I wish. Come on. Let's get out of here. I'm not the only one feeding tonight. I'll take you two home, and if I'm lucky, I'll find Erica before it's too late. I never in a millions years thought I'd start dating Julia - in real life. - There is so much chemistry between them on set. I mean, come on, 14 kissing scenes? It was just a matter of time before they became an item. Uh-huh. Wow! I so don't care. - [Man]: Password? - O positive. Can't you wait just a few more days? I've waited 80 years for you. I have an exam tomorrow [Sighs] [Screams] Stop doing that! [TV]: That movie about gorgeous vampires who try not to eat humans is backâ [TV switches off] About time! I'm so bored, Grandma passed out five songs ago, and she has, like, zero boom-boom-pow. - Can we pleeease play now? - Sorry, I've gotta go. Just be careful, okay? And don't tell anyone about you know. Uh, yeah, sure. I'm cool. And nobody believes anything Benny says anyways. I'm serious, okay? And whatever you do, do not invite a vampire into your house. - It's your only safe haven. - Got it. Thanks. [Doorbell rings] Oh, man. Pizza dude is so late. Bonus! Come on in, bro! Oh, man. This is going to taste so much better 'cause it's free! Sorry, dude, but I am just dying for a bite. So am I. [Pizza man snarls] [They scream] Jane, it's it's okay. He's just playing a game, you know? Yeah, a game. Whoever tells me where Sarah is first spends less time screaming. - Can I play too? - [Benny and Ethan]: Yes! Jesse got tired of waiting, so he sent me to come pick you up. Guess you are just the delivery boy after all. Heh-heh. At least I know whose side I'm on fledgling. Okay, um Can I just grab a slice before you do your whole - vampire trash talk thing? - Benny! What? If I'm going to he a last meal, I want it to be the Italiano Deluxe. Right! Heh-heh. Italiano Deluxe. - With extra garlic! - Aaah! [Sizzling and steaming] Gotcha! Go, go, go! Ha! Ha! Ha! [Jane screaming] [They snarl and roar] Come on! You're good. I don't think she's winning. Of course she's not winning; She's not a real vampire yet! She's a vampire? Uh Why is the pizza guy acting all crazy? Uh, he's just upset about not getting paid. It'll be fine. [Pizza man growling] [She snarls] - I'm calling Mom and Dad. - No, no, no, don't. You just have to trust me on this one. You make my bed for a whole week. It's a deal. Thank you. Somebody's coming. Quick! Come on! Get the bed! [Grunting with effort] - [Sarah]: Let me in! Hurry! - [Benny]: Oh! Okie-dokie. [Grunting with effort] What happened? Where is he? Let's just say I introduced him to some of your mom's good silverware. What do you have for weapons? Um I don't know. Um Uh Hah! Ha! Ha! Ha! How about this? A debating trophy?! It's the pointiest! - Ugh! - Hey, hey, hey. We can make a stake out of this. No, no, no, no, no. That is autographed! By by who? Ryan Seacrest?! Really? really confusing when you're in love with a creature of the night. All you want to do is be withâ These are perfect! Sharp and wooden! Great! If we're fighting vampire squirrels! Guys, he's coming! Hurry! Did anybody ever tell you you are a really bad babysitter? I'm new at this. [Cell phone rings] Don't answer it! - [Vampire]: Oh, Sarah! - Hello? Hi, Ethan? Hi, honey, it's Mom. [Vampire growling] Hey, Ma! Yeah, hi. Sweetie, could you put the sitter on, please? She can't really talk nowâ Ethan, now is not a good time to argue with me. - Can you just please put her on? = Okay - Hello? - Hi, Sarah. It's me. Look, we're going to be a little bit late tonight. I side-kicked Ethan's dad in the head, and, uh What is that noise? Oh, uh, they're playing a video game. - [Vampire]: Let me in! - Hey, keep it down, you guys! Okay, I know that we said we'd be home by 10 o'clock, but could you stay for an extra hour or two? Okay, sure, that's fine. See you then. Bye. [Screaming] [Yells in pain] A debating trophy? [Grunts] [Snarls] [Roars] [Gushing, and vampire roaring] Okay She may be a lousy babysitter, but that was the bomb! Good luck cleaning this up before your folks get home. What, this? This is nothing It's amazing she can sleep now. Yeah, Grandma's got the magic touch. When I was six and scared of robots, sheâ Fascinating! Look, if I can get to Jesse's before midnight, - I can still save Erica. - So, that pizza guy. He's dead, right? Not dead, no. Just in some kind of limbo for souls, but he won't be back here. Found a survivor. Okay, just stay inside where you're safe, okay? - Say hi to Erica for me. - Dude! [Cell phone ring tone] Hold my pizza. Should I even bother picking up? Why not? Benny! Wazzup?! Wazzuuuuahhh. Wazzuuuup? You guys are lame; That's what's up. If I'm so lame, how am I chillaxin' at the most slamming party in town? Wait, did we miss another Mathletes event? No, dude. A real party! At this huge mansion! And almost all the kids here are seniors, including the girls. Hey, beautiful. Like what you see? Guys, this party is off the hook! How'd you get in? These guys saw me at Gamer Town and asked me if I wanted to come. Oh, and Benny, your Dusker babe is here, and she is looking fine! [Camera clicks] Check out the hot senior babe she's dancing with. Uh, Rory? These seniors They're not from the drama club, are they? Yeah, some of them. Oh, and get this: There's going to be a buffet at midnight! Rory, you need to listen, okay? We need youâ Sorry, I gotta go. Conga line! Yeah! [Benny whistles] Oh, don't say it. Don't, 'cause if you say it, we'll have to go find that dufus, and I for one do not want to crash a vampire dinner party. Just come on. Rory's our friend. Agh! Fine. I'll go. But I'm not walking. Got the keys, gotta switch her to neutral, - 'cause it'll keep us on the down-low. - Okay. What the heck is that? Oh. Replacement bulbs for Grandma's tanning bed. She likes rocking a tan. I've seen her come out of there once It's not pretty. - Anyway, come on. - Yeah. One sec I've got an idea. Remember last year when we dressed up as Jedis? I'll get my dad's toolkit. Excuse me, miss, but, uh, can you tell us where the vampire party's at? Okay, I'm acting crazy because I got bit; what's your excuse? [Party music and talking in the distance] Okay, you guys stay in the car. Got it? No way! Youâ Stay! I'll be back as soon as I can with Erica and your friend, okay? Come on! We canâ [She snarls] Got it. I actually wanted to stay in the car, so that works for me. Come on. We can't let her do this alone. Hey, hey! Easy with the shirt. [Rock music] Well! Look who finally decided to show up. I guess Wes talked some sense into you, huh? Oh, yeah. We had a real heart-to-heart. Actually, uh, I need to talk to Erica. Alone. So, now you have time for me? No, no, it's cool. Be my guest. I'll go find Jesse. He'll, uh, really want to know you're here. Come on! You're not safe here. We have to get out of here now! You sound like my mother. Don't worry, party pooper! It's not like I'm going to give in to peer pressure. Besides, nobody here's even drinking. Not yet Dancing vampire babes, 12 o'clock. We're supposed to be looking for Rory, remember? No, we're supposed to be waiting in the car. But if I'm going to die, I'm going to die rich, with some "Vampires Gone Wild" footage. You're going to get us caught! Give me that camera. - You've got shaky hands! - I don't care. Uh um, uh He was let out for the can. Had, uh, you know, to use a tree. So glad I'm a dude vampire, right? - What are you doing? - Playing the game. Play along. Yeah, yeah. Phew! I had to go so bad, I was going to die. - Again! - Again. You went to pee together? Dude Look, I know it sounds crazy, but a couple of weeks ago, I got bit by a vampire, and now I'm a fledgling! Wow. You really expect me to believe that? I swear. And if we don't get out now, we'll never get out, like, ever! Okay, you sound like something from Dusk. Being undead is the bomb! Creatures of the night, what's uuuuup!! Okay, don't overdo it now. Let's just find Rory and Sarah and let's get out of here. Oh, hey. You look fang-tastic, my dear. Come on. Fine. I'll prove it to you. Ah, there she is. I knew my girl would come around. Hm? - Actually we were just leaving. - Oh, no, no, no, no. You'd miss the main event. This isn't just another party. Stick around. What? It's just, I don't know. I know they're vampires and stuff, dude, but we're finally at a senior's party! You want to dance, don't you? Just one. I swear. I know you want to. Come on. Crank the bass to the maximum To get your eardrum tripping like vroom vroom vroom Just wait till this beat controls you Get up and do like I told you Everyone within a mile away can hear the bass pump-pumping Till the break of day Every vibe that's shot gets amplified 'Cause we got tonight we got tonight what We've been waiting all year And now tonight's the night [Benny laughing] Okay. Rory. Where would Rory be? Wazuuuup? Rory. So this girl, she was so into me. Gave me a wicked hickey. I guess she could smell my qualifications. - Rory, we gotta go. - What? No way. We have to stay. This party is bank! Okay, look. Dude, we got him. Let's get out of here while we still can. We can't go without Sarah. Okay, do the words "stay in the car" ring a bell? They do with me. A loud one! Look! There she is! Yeah, with McScary. You know, they look busy doing stuff that doesn't really concern us non-undead types. You know what I'm saying? So let's I want to know what they're up to. Be patient. Hm? In a few short days, we will have our revenge. [Clapping and cheering] And more: We will have this whole town! [Man]: Yeah! [Jesse]: But the prophecy can't be fulfilled until we meet our target. Two hundred and nineteen, soul for soul. - Lame. Where's the band? - Shh! - But I justâ - Shh! It'll be an incredible night. Like something out of a movie. Movie, schmovie. The Rorster needs food. [Muffled speech] [Jesse]: Fine. Enough talk. We're all hungry, the moon is full Let's eat. [Cheers] We have to leave fast. Come on. It only gets better from here. It's locked. Whoa. Whoa. Where are you girls going? You're just in time for dinner. Sweet! What's on the menu? Us! Rory, the menu's us! Ohhhh. [Crickets chirping] [Jesse]: Mmm! Ah! Don't they look delicious? You can't. Not them! I know these kids. I'm babysitting them. Well, I'm sorry, but Wait. You still need a babysitter? Oh, no, no. He, he needs a babysitter. [Laughing] No, I don't! So, why exactly do you need a babysitter? No one here needs a babysitter, okay? Just because he's a vampire, does he have to be such a dorkwad? Seriously [Roars] Whoa! Whoa! Stop! Stop! Stop! Initiations will follow tradition. Fledglings drink first. [Heart beat] Hear his heart pumping? It's the beat of a whole new world waiting for youâ one where you'll never die, never grow old One bite, and it's yours. Sarah, don't! [Gasps] [Church bell tolling] [Fire roaring] Oh, I will do it. - Erica, no! - Hey, girls, there's no need to fight over me. [Gushing and sucking] - [Man]: Whoa! - Back off! I mean it! Sarah. Seriously, where can you go? Benny! Come on! [Electricity sizzling] [Groaning in pain] [Benny]: We're dead! We're so dead! No, it's okay! We've just got to find Sarah! No, she's abandoned us! Are you kidding me? [People]: Let's go! Come on! [Roars] Come on! [Ethan]: We're harnessing the force of sunlight! [Benny]: It's actually ultraviolet radiation in a spectrum similar to the sun. [Ethan laughs] No way! It works! [Grunting with effort] [Benny]: This is so wick'! [Growling and snarling] [Ethan]: Good thing your grandma likes to tan. It's from his grandma's tanning bed. You guys are king dorks! [Benny chuckles] [Snarling] [Yoda impression]: The force is strong in you, young Padawan. [Ethan]: You're the Padawan; I'm the Jedi! [Benny]: Yeah, right! I'm the Jedi master! [Sarah]: Now can we run to the car?! Go! [Grunting with effort] - Move! - Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Drive! Drive! Drive! Don't you run from me! Argh! [Ethan's mom sighs] I gave Sarah a little bit extra because she was here so late. Your poor dad He's already gone up. It's just like our honeymoon. Oh, it's a long story. Anyway, Sarah said you had something important to tell me? Were you and Benny playing lightsabers again? Yes. Heh Yes, we were. Ethan The next time Sarah comes here to sit, I'm going to tell her not to put up with any of this funny business. Do you understand me? Yep. Heh-heh. Sounds good to me. [She sighs] - I blame video games. - Yeah. That and the rap music. Right. Thanks, Mom. Okay. Go to bed. [Rory]: Guys! Wazzzuuuup? Rory, you're We though you were dead. All I know is, I woke up the morning after the party feeling awesome. No asthma, I don't need my glasses, and I barely have to sleep anymore. The only problem's the sun: Kind of annoying. You're a fledgling too? Pfft! Heck, no! I'm rocking the full-on vampire action, dude. The big V! Can I get a what-what? What? You drank human blood? They said if I didn't, I'd die. All the other kids were doing it! Do you have any idea what you've just done to yourself? I'm immortal and all-powerful, dude. Ka-chow! Sorry, I gotta go to church. Church? Vampires don't do church. Jesse says we have to. He's so bossy. He's all, blah-blah, the prophecy, and blah-blah, you must find the Cuban animals, orâ [Together]: Cuban animals? What are you talking about? I don't know. That's what it sounded like. Anyway, we'll hang out later. Or "fang-out"! Zing! Come on. Grab your backpack. You and I are going to church. What? [Organ music] Uh It's for my, uh it's for my Aunt Sassy. She, uh, she couldn't get to mass. She's got the Belgian Pig Flu, and stuff and Ebola! Anyway, I gotta go. Keep the faith, eh? [Benny grunting with effort] Shh! They're over there. Look at them. Hoodies and sunglasses. - Nice look if you'reâ - [Sarah]: Hey. [Both]: Ah! Looking good. - What are you doing here? - Same as you. I'm following them. I just wish I knew what they were up to. Well, according to Rory, they're after the "Cuban animals. " Cuban animals? You mean cubile animus? I've heard Jesse mention it before. I think it's Latin or something. Two hundred and nineteen Wikipedia says that cubile animus is Latin for "nest of souls. " I think I just saw it. - This little box with weird carvings on it. - A box? Like that one? The cubile animus. Great. Nest of souls. How long till something hatches? - We have to stop them. - Heh. We've got a fresh supply - of anti-vampire juice. - Ow! What the heck?! [Sniffing] [Growling] [Breathing heavily] [Sarah]: So What's with these "visions"? You get them often? No. They started when you showed up. It's like, a door opens to a whole other dimension or something. I think it happens when we touch. Here. Nice try, Casanova. Can't blame a player for trying. But maybe I'd get visions, too, if Iâ - Cut it out! - Sorry. You don't get visions. And if I see that hand again, I'll consider it a snack. So Jesse never told you what the prophecy is? Or what 219 means? I'm just a fledgling, remember? He'd only tell a real vampire. None of them are dumb enough to just tell us. Well one of them is. And I have his number. [Knocking] Hi. Sorry to interrupt. Just dropping something off. - Hey, Mom? - Yeah? You ever, like see things? Like, things that aren't there? Are we, um, talking about drugs? [He laughs] No. Like, a vision? Or strange images that just appear? No, I don't think so, honey. Okay But there was this one time. I used to watch you sleep when you were a baby. One night, I had this image of you, and you were all grown up, and you were strong and smart and decent. And I knew then that you were going to do great things one day. Thanks, Mom. But you do know that if you ever touch drugs that your father and I will have to kill you. Uh, got it! Okay [Sarah clears her throat] Oh! Look who's here. Hey. I, uh, brought that book, the one you said you wanted to borrow. Yeah! The book, right. Wow, isn't that nice. Thank you. Yeah, the kids can't wait for you to babysit again. Mom. I guess you made quite an impression. Mom. Okay, well, I guess I'll leave you two alone. You know, there's milk and cookies in the kitchen, if you feel like. Okay That was humiliating. [She sighs] You feeling okay? Yeah, I'm just really hungry. I might head into town later for a bite. Ah. Another rat hunt, heh-heh. [He shudders] I don't think I can do that. I know, right? It's so gross! And the hunger is just getting stronger. A fledgling has 28 days to drink human blood, or their mortal body dies. Really? Is that true? I'll know in about a week. But it won't matter much if we can't stop Jesse and the others. But I found this book at the library that might help. Believe it or not, not everything is on the net. Let's see. "A History of Whitechapel, 1894. " "The town of Whitechapel was actually once known as Black's Church, "founded in 1809 by Reverend Horace Black. "Black's disciples preyed upon the nearby townspeople "until the night of a lunar eclipse, "when an angry mob trapped them all in their place of worship and burned it to the ground. "Two hundred and nineteen people died, and their remains buried in an unmarked grave. The next year, the town was reborn as Whitechapel. " [He shudders] What was that? Another vision? Yeah. It just stopped. I feel like there's something missing. There's more. Something important. I need you to touch me again. This had better not be another line. Just please? [Breathing heavily] Okay, um The book left out one huge detail. Reverend Black is Jesse. Oh, no So that's why 219 is the target! And the cubile animus thing is going to help him get it. [Pounding on the window] [Rory]: Hey, dudes! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's super Rory! [Sizzling] Ow! What the heck? You have to be invited in, genius! Jesse doesn't tell us anything So, can I come in? Yes. But as long as you promise no blood sucking. - Okay? - Dude. My mouth on your neck? Ugh! Rory, we need you to help us figure out what Jesse is planning. Uh, yeah. He's not a high school kid; He's a cult leader from over 200 years ago, - and ifâ - No way! - Wait till I tell him! - Rory! No! He already knows, okay? And it's not cool. Unless we stop him a lot of people could die, including us. Whoa. Stinks not being immortal. His plan has something to do with a prophecy. Maybe you could check his library? Yeah, we need details. Fast, okay? And find out what the cubile animus thing is for. Okay, that was a let-down. It's just some crusty old box. - But Jesse's happy, so [Ethan's mom]: Ethan! - Dinner is coming in. - Um she can't see you, okay? You gotta go. Now! - Ethan? Oh! - I was just leaving. Do you need me to babysit on Friday? Uh, yeah, sure. That'd be great. Wow, you've got a really strong grip for a little young thing. Whoa. Ah Uh Ah Whoa. Whoa! [Thud] Oomph! Hey, Sarah. What's wrong? You're looking a little underfed. What happened to you? You know, like, the best thing ever. It's not too late. Join us. And then we can be best friends forever. Never. You're making the biggest mistake of your lifeâ well, what's left of it. Isn't that cute. I think she still has a thing for you. I've got something for both of you, and it's made of wood and really sharp. [He laughs] Sarah, you've been replaced. Oh! You're still coming to the Dusk premiere though, right? BFF. [Ethan]: It's from Rory. I found it in my mailbox this morning. [Whispering]: Hey, guys. Can you believe this? All these books and not a single decent comic. No X-Men. Not even The Hulk. Come on. Focus, buddy. Focus. Okay, I think I found what you're looking for. Check it out: "An angel's nest "shall seed the Earth, Soul for soul "the black army's rebirth, "'Neath a swallowed moon the dead take route, The barren orchard bears the devil's fruit. " Whoa. Best. Metal. Lyrics. Ever. An angel's nest shall see the earth! Bum-chicka-chong cha-chong-cha-chung! Soul for soul the black army's rebirth! Bum-chicka-chong cha-chong-cha-chung! [Benny]: Ugh! I hate poetry! It never makes any sense! What "angel's nest"? Shh! Cubile animus. Nest of souls. They found it by the angel statue in the cemetery, remember? Oh. "Seed the earth"? The box was buried in the ground, like a seed, I guess. Okay. "The black army"? Quiet! Easy. It's Reverend Black's followers. Wow. So this is why you always get better marks - than me in English, huh? - Yeah. That, and I don't call the teacher "fart head" to his face. Point taken. There's a second video file on the drive. Our love will sparkle for all time. I'm AB positive you will be mine. Drinking your hemoglobin may be a crime, but our love will sparkle for all time. Bite me. I'm begging you. Wait What did the poem say about the swallowed moon? I dunno. Why is that on there? [Typing] That's it. Tonight is the lunar eclipse and there's going to be over 200 kids at that screening. - Two hundred and nineteen souls. - No. Don't say it. Do not say it. Hey. What'd I miss? The absolute worst news yet. We have to go see Dusk III. [Jane]: Hey, Ethan! Whatcha doin'? Jane, you ever hear of privacy? What did you do to your blaster? What? Just put them down, okay? It's for a project. For school. Look, you know how this works: Either you tell me, or I tell Mom everything that happened last week. Everything. Oh, fine! Benny and I are going to that new vampire movie thing tonight. And no, you can't go. It's after your bedtime - and it's rated PG. - So you're going to leave me with Benny's grandma again? No way! Come on, Jane. Work with me here. Hey, guys. Sarah's here. Wow, Mommy. You look so pretty. Thank you, sweetie. Is this a school project? Uh, yeah. Yep. Okay. I'm listening. Make this good. Uh dishes for a month. Uh I'll do your math homework, and I'll play Dance Dance Revolution with you? Wow! This must be serious. You have no idea. So deal? - Deal. Plus 20 bucks. - What? MOM!! Okay! Okay! Wow! You are devious. Dad says I'm enterprising. Wait, Mom. I want a kiss good night. Mental note: never underestimate vampires or eight-year-old girls. Hey, Jane? We'll be back soon, okay? - If we don't get sucked dry. - [Jane]: What?! Nothing. Benny's just hoping he doesn't cry during the movie, because he's a wuss. Nice. Anyway, see you, Grandma! [Benny's grandma]: Oh, wait. I have something for you boys. Oh, no, Grandma. We've really got to go. Uh, I already ate. I don't really think we need any decorative knives. If you're going to be battling the blood suckers, you're gonna need these. Whoa! Wh where'd you where'd you get those? Spend almost a century in this town and you pick up a few things. Oh! And this. Now, I bookmarked a few spells for you. But be careful! They don't always do what you want them to when you haven't practiced. Are are you a witch? Oh, goodness, no! Not a witch, honey; I'm an earth priestess. Very different. And much more fun. - [Ethan]: Whoa! - [Benny]: Whoa, Grandma! [Jane]: Wow! [Bunny hums a tune] Yeah! Benny's grandma rocks! So you're uh HOW? Well, I didn't want to tell you before you were ready. I thought it might freak you out. But there's a reason that you're drawn to the unexplained. You have the makings of a first-rate spell master. And Ethan here, he's a seer. That's his path. I'm the spell master! Wait. What? A seer? Well, you get visions, don't you? They're supposed to start around puberty. Grandma! Oh, fine. Here. Take my keys. And remember: evil is always at a disadvantage. The Earth is good. You're fighting on the right side. All right. Shall we? And if you scratch my car, I'll turn you into a toad! Heh-heh I think the cubile animus works as a kind of soul vacuum. Jesse will try to capture 219 souls tonight. Then, I don't know, somehow trade them to bring back all his followers. Ugh. "Soul for soul. " It's so evil! I can't believe my first kiss was with him. He was your first kiss? But you're 17! I mean you're so prettyâ I mean Well, I don't know. I guess I just wanted my first kiss to be memorable. Mission accomplished, huh? Grandma failed to mention that this book isn't even in English. [Crowd chatting] This is it. Erica and I waited a whole year for this advance screening. Wow, that's really lame. Just read your magic book, dork. [Ethan]: The bouncer looks like one of them. You think he recognizes us? It's okay. I think I know another way in. [She sighs] Allow me. Okay Let's get this party started. Uh, hey, guys? If I'm reading this correctly, apparently there's a spell here that just makes all the vampires just vanish. Ha! Ha! Perfect. So um fera bat sententium neophoetusâ Ah! [Ethan groans in frustration] [Jesse]: It's finally time to avenge our ancestors. This is so boring. When can I get some Dusker blood? I'm starving. Patience. Hm? Souls first; blood later. Our 219 guests are here, and their souls are ours for the taking. You know what to do. [Sniffing] [PA]: Tonight only: popcorn with extra garlic butter! Hey. Can I get you something? No, I, uh Meh, a bag. Get me an extra large jumbo bucket of popcorn with extra salt, extra butter, and extra popcorn. Life's short, right? [Cell phone ringing] Welcome [Applause and cheering] to the special fan screening of Dusk III: Unbitten. [Girl]: Yes! When you see what's in store for you tonight, well you'll just die. [Applause and cheering] But first, let's not forget the door prize. And we have a winner. Ticket number 205? That's me. That's me. [Applause] What did I win? You win what every Dusker wants. This. [He snarls] [Sucking] Wow! All they did at the Dusk II screening was give out T-shirts. [Girl in audience]: What a cool show, huh? [Another girl]: Best show ever! One down; 218 to go. Fire! [Audience members]: Fire? Come on! Fire! [Jesse]: Stay in your seats; there's no need to panic. [Snarling] [Audience screaming] [Roaring and growling] [Screaming] Ah! My eye! Sorry, dude. I'm new at this. [Agonized roar] Whoa. That was seriouslyâ Whoa! Ugh! Plug me in! Ha! Ha! Much better than batteries. Oh! Evil you are! Toast you shall be! [Lightsaber zaps] [Sizzling] [Sizzling] "Use the force. " Vintage Star Wars T-shirt. That is SO hot. Keep that. Shoot at anything with fangs. [Snarling] [Yelling in pain] [Audience screaming] [Grunts] What, a knife? Big fracking deal. "Fracking"? Heh-heh. You a Galactica fan? Totally. Season three's the bomb, man! Season FOUR is the bomb! And this is no knife; It's a dagger. [Shrieking in pain] Thank you, Benny's grandma! [Vampires snarling] [Audience screaming] Ethan! Hey! Whoa! Watch the jacket. Sorry. Shouldn't you be going after Jesse and his, uh, box thing? I'm trying. A little busy here! [Screaming] [Sizzling] - Sweet! - Now go! And, Ror, - lay off the humans. - I'll quit. I swear. - Do you think they make a patch for vampires? - No. - Whoa! - Gotcha. That's not a very nice way to treat your family. This will never be my family. Don't you realize this is wrong? This is not who you're supposed to be! This is who I wanted to be. My whole life, I have been pushed around, bullied, laughed at Never again. I really don't want to hurt you, Sarah. But you leave me no choice. [Grunts] I am not giving up on you! Hey! Let her go. Over my dead body. [Roars] She's all yours, honey. [Benny]: Freedom! [Chuckling] A brave geek is still just a geek. Stop right there! I mean it! Oh, yeah? Or what? Or this! Oh! [Shrieking] Okay. Now you're both dead. Stand back. Behold! The flame of invincibility. This is Plan B? Seriously?! You know we're not actually afraid of fire, right? You should have done some research or something. [Sizzling] [Roaring in pain] Tell Grandma to answer the phone. Hold on, B. Stay with me. Come on. Come on. Hurry. The eclipse is in eight minutes and we have to find Jesse. Take the car. I'm too weak, and the hunger is getting stronger. You have to come with us. We have to stop Jesse andâ Just go. Now! Come on, B. Benny. Hey Hey. Jesse must be taking the nest of souls to wherever his followers are buried, okay? Um where is that? Yep. Found love at the snack bar, my friend. - Ha! Ow - Benny. Okay, the prophecy says, "The dead take root, a barren orchard bears the devil's fruit. " Okay. A barren orchard, uh Benny? You know, I gave her my address: Fifty-three Orchard Park. Come any time. Wait That tree. That tree from my visions! I know that tree. Okay, it's not possible - Benny? - Hm. - Benny, I'm going to call your grandma to come get you, okay? - Okay. Okay, we've got four minutes left to save the world. You hang tough, okay? I never did like that tree. [Jesse]: Funny how they name streets after what they tore down to build them. This used to be an orchard; One of my favorite spots until your idiot ancestors burned my flock alive. Yeah? Well, I'd say their only mistake was not finishing the job. You made me miss my target, so the rest of my flock may have to wait a little longer. That's fine. I still have enough Dusker souls here to resurrect a few dozen of the most powerful vampires that ever lived. And you'll have the honor of being their first midnight snack. Well, you won't have to wait, because I'm going to reunite you with your flock right now. Just not in this world. Ha! Ha! [Struggling] It's funny, I knew your grandfather's grandfather. He was a loser too. [Struggling] [Laughing softly] [Benny]: Courage!! Owww! Sorry, bud. The hour of rebirth has come. Brothers, sisters, arise! [Sarah yelling] Whoa! [Both grunting with effort] Hey! I've got your friends in a box. And I've got your babysitter. Okay, she's really Jane's babysitter. Give me the cubile animus! - The souls must be transferred now! - Sarah! Just give it to him. What are we going to do with a nest of souls anyway? EBay it? Now! Hand it over, or she dies! Ethan, no, don't! [Benny's grandma and Jane]: Alma, alphras, selrnok, kathran Aaah! Hey! You can have the box. But not what's inside. You wrecked their premiere Now you deal with them. No No No! No. what have you done? Aaah! [screams in pain] Can't believe you dated that guy. Oh hey! You're back. Had fun? Yeah. it wasâ it was fun. - Except that thâ the - You know what they say about karma? How was your night? Did you have any trouble? Ah, not much. It was pretty dead. No no no. I'd like to ask you not to repeat these silly rumors of alledged "attacks" in here. In the first place, fans of the vampire genre have active imaginations. And secondly, I am told that defective 3D glasses may have cause adverse neurological side effects. In any case, there won't be anymore Dusker events of my watch. Believe it. Faulty 3D glasses? Who's gullible enough to believe that. Ahm These are Duskers we're talking about, remember? Oh Besides. Town is safe. Jesse's rejoined his flock. It's all good, right? Yeap. Youâ You're not still dying, are you? I mean you mortal body seems to be doing just fine. Thanks, well Benny's grandmother makes a mean human blood substitute. That, and she found my spell book. Hey guys! [Muffled voice] Hey. Pretty much all over. - Let's go to class. - Good idea. The trick with the spell is you gotta phrase it like Klingon, kinda like with a Romulan twang. It's like a splash of Cylon [Ethan] Benny! [Ethan and Sarah] Shut up! [Benny] Sorry. Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=my-babysitters-a-vampire-2011&episode=s01e00