As the Netherworld Turns

(Setting: Jafar's lab. Iago and Abu are there, and Iago is searching for something and throwing jars off the shelves.)

Iago: Look at this mess! Marmot guts, zebra stripes, sloth toes! Didn't Jafar ever hear of alphabetizing?

(Abu jumps out of the way to avoid being hit with broken glass. One jar hits a shackle that is lying on the ground, which then comes to life and looks like it's going to attack Abu.)

Abu: (posing like a martial artist) Oh yeah? C'mon! Hi-ya!

(The shackle wraps its chain around Abu and starts to snap at him. Iago is still searching, oblivious to what Abu is doing.)

Iago: That Jafar was always looking for a magical advantage. That's how he found out about the genie's lamp. But could he organize? No! How's a bird supposed to find the Eye of Gazeem in this pigsty?

(Abu continues wrestling the shackle; it throws him off and he hits the wall. His body hits a loose stone, pushing it in and causing the wall to spin around, revealing a large blue jewel on a pedestal.)

Iago: Life is good!

(Abu, now stuck behind the wall, starts chattering frantically.)

Iago: Huh, some monkeys.

(Iago hits the stone again, bringing Abu back into the room and putting the jewel back on the other side of the wall. Abu shakes his fist at Iago.)

Iago: Stop, look, and drool. (hits the stone again, revealing the jewel)

Abu: Oooh…

Iago: This is what we've been searchin' for! This is… the Eye of Gazeem.

Abu: I don't know…

Iago: Do not fear the Eye. It is our key to big money. One rub gives you the power to walk through solid walls. Walls like in, say, the royal treasure room?

(Abu laughs greedily.)

Iago: Yeah, we waltz in, take what we want, and then waltz right out! I wonder why Jafar went to so much trouble to hide it.

Abu: Huh? Uh oh…

Iago: Eh, no matter. You rub first.

Abu: Nuh uh!

Iago: Fine, fine, we'll both rub. Ready? Go!

(Iago and Abu both rub the Eye, which glows and starts to spin. A portal opens up in the ceiling and tries to suck everything in the room towards it, including Iago and Abu.)

Iago: Yaaah, we're gonna die!

(They're both sucked into the portal. A few moments later the room is back to normal, except it's a little darker. Abu is still frightened, and won't let go of Iago's head.)

Iago: (with an echoing voice) Ugh… Abu, get off my face!

(Iago throws Abu off of him, toward the wall. Abu passes right through the wall and ends up floating in thin air, looking down on the city. Frightened, he runs back through the wall and into the lab. When he chatters his voice also sounds echoed.)

Iago: Huh? Is it night already?

(Abu gestures frantically at Iago, trying to tell him that he just went through the wall.)

Iago: Yeah, we must have passed out or somethin'. Hey, did you just go through that wall?

Abu: Uh huh, uh huh!

Iago: Oh, baby, let's do it again!

Abu: Nuh uh, nuh uh! Eek!

(Iago grabs him and pulls him through the wall.)

Iago: (laughs) We pass through walls! The big Gazeebo came though! (flies through the wall of another tower) Whee!

(They are now in the treasure room.)

Iago: The royal treasure room, monument to Agrabah's rich cultural heritage.

Abu: Wow!

Iago: Coin bath! (tries to jump into a pile of coins, but passes right through it) Hey!

Abu: (sticking his hand through a ruby) What?

Iago: (trying unsuccessfully to touch other treasure) Look at… what is…? How did…? No, it's not fair! We don't just pass through walls! We pass through everything!

(Abu, angry, kicks Iago in the rear.)

Iago: …except my toosh.

(Abu chatters angrily at him.)

Iago: Hey, don't blame me! It's Jafar's fault, leaving dangerous spells just lyin' around. He— (there's a sound of footsteps outside) Huh?

(Rasoul opens the door to the treasure room and points right at where Iago and Abu are.)

Rasoul: There!

Iago: (gasps, then whispers to Abu) Do as I do. Rasoul, what a pleasant surprise!

Abu: Hello…

(Fazal and Hakim carry in a treasure chest and dump its contents right where Iago and Abu are.)

Iago: Aah! What's the idea?!

(All three guards leave.)

Iago: (sighs) They didn't see us. How could they not see us?! They did see us, and they're gonna tell Sultan! The jig is up, I'm out!

(They fly back into Jafar's lab.)

Iago: We rub el Gazeebo, reverse the spell, and deny everything!

Abu: Okay!

Iago: All right… now!

(They try to rub the Eye of Gazeem, but their hands/wings pass right through it as well.)

Iago: Uh oh!

(Iago and Abu, now very frightened, run into the throne room. The sultan is there sitting on his throne. He's surrounded by Aladdin, Jasmine, and Genie, sitting on pillows.)

Iago: Al! You gotta help us!

Abu: (ignoring Iago) Is it a… a giraffe?

Iago: Huh?

Sultan: No no, not a giraffe!

Iago: That's right, Al, it's not a giraffe. It's a bird who can't touch things!

Jasmine: How about… a camel?

Sultan: No no no!

Genie: Wrong answer! I know, monkey! (changes his head into Abu's) It's gotta be a monkey!

Sultan: Monkey is correct.

Genie: (turns into Tigger) Yes! Guessing is what genies do the best! Woohoohoohoohoo! (changes back to normal)

Iago: Oh, am I interrupting playtime? I'm so sorry!

Genie: (cleans out his ear, as if he maybe heard something) My turn, my turn!

Iago: Hey, I'm talkin' to you!

Aladdin: Monkey… hmm, where is Abu, anyway?

(Abu jumps around, trying to get Aladdin's attention.)

Iago: Oh ho! Al! Have you ever seen me do this before?! (sticks his wings through Aladdin's head) I don't think so! I said, we can't touch anything, Al! LOOK!!! (lands next to Abu) You know what, chimp-chimp? I don't think they can see or hear us.

Man: Of course they can't.

(Startled, Abu and Iago turn around to see a rotund old man wearing fine clothes and a fur hat.)

Iago: Hey, what're you tryin' to do? You- You almost gave me a— You can hear us?! You can see us?!

Man: (shaking Iago's wing) Welcome, little friend.

Iago: You can feel us! Wait, you're not a sorcerer, are you? (gasps) You are! You cursed them, didn't you? Al's always making these sorcerers mad. Whatever the streetrat did, I swear I was no part of it! Though I can't speak for the monkey…

Man: (laughs) Good heavens! I'm no sorcerer. I am Bobolonius, grandfather to your Little Bobo.

Iago and Abu: Little Bobo?

Bobolonius: Oh, I'm sorry. You would know him as Sultan of Agrabah.

Iago: Grandfather. Yeah, right, that would make you… dead!

Abu: Yeah!

Bobolonius: Oh, quite so. We are in the Netherworld, the land of the dead. Everyone's dead here.

Iago: (under his breath) Cuckoo bird… Oh Bobolonius! Hello! They're not dead. (gestures to Aladdin and the others sitting around the throne) I'm not dead. Abu's not dead, are you?

Abu: No!

Iago: See! And you're walking and talking up a storm yourself. You follow me?

Bobolonius: Well, yes, but you s—

Iago: Don't interrupt! All that aside, the number one reason I know we're not in the land of the dead is… we didn't die! To be in the land of the dead, you gotta die! And we haven't done anything all day that would make us die. (suddenly realizing) Except rub the Eye of Gazeem!

(Abu and Iago start sobbing uncontrollably.)

Iago: The Eye of Gazeem killed us! That's why we can walk through walls! That's why we're here in the Netherworld, and they're out there in happy land!

Bobolonius: Oh, there there, my loud little friend. It just takes some getting used to, really.

Ayam Aghoul: (appearing in a puff of smoke) Oh, stop your bellyaching! It's enough to wake the dead, really.

Iago: It's Ayam Aghoul!

Ayam: (jumps down on top of Bobolonius and pushes him through the floor) In living color! Bird, monkey, so nice to see you again.

Iago: (nervously) The pleasure's ours! Really!

Ayam: Ah ha ha, I know what you're thinking: "Didn't Aladdin leave him trapped in the Netherworld?" Why so he did. And I'm still here, too! (walks over to Aladdin and sticks a hand through him) And he's still out there, in happy land!

Iago: Yeah, I hear ya. Life's not fair.

(Iago and Abu try to run away, but Ayam appears in front of them.)

Ayam: Don't leave, I've got good news.

Iago: Good news?

Ayam: And bad news. The good news: you're not dead.

Iago: I'm sorry, what?

Ayam: The Eye of Gazeem, just a cheap spell. Only sends you to the land of the dead, doesn't actually make you dead.

Iago: Bobo was wrong! We're not dead! Let's boogaloo! (dances with Abu)

Ayam: Of course this means I can make you that way. That's the bad news. It's only fair. Can't have revenge on Aladdin, you're the next best thing.

Abu and Iago: Aladdin! Help!

(They run back to Aladdin and try to get his attention. Ayam follows them.)

Ayam: Now let's see… shall I bring out my skeleton friends? Oh, I know, some thirsty bloodworms. Wait! (calling) Oh, Joel!

(A dog-like monster appears in a puff of smoke.)

Ayam: Lookie, lookie, Joel! Live ones.

(Joel backs Iago and Abu up against a wall.)

Iago: Oh! Ah! Dead end!

(Abu pulls them through the wall, outside the palace, high above the ground. Iago catches Abu. Joel sticks his head through the wall and watches them, but can't follow.)

Iago: Good thinking, Abu. I forgot we could do that!

Ayam: (also sticking his head outside) Shh shh shh. They can't leave the Netherworld. We have all eternity to play with them.

(Setting: that night, in a palace hallway.)

Iago: We're not dead, but we're stuck in the land of the dead. I do not like this living like a dead person stuff!

Abu: Me neither.

Iago: We gotta get someone to rub the Eye of Gazeem again so we can get outta this place.

Abu: Huh?

Iago: Hey, it got us here, didn't it? Now, somebody else rubs it. That big hole opens, and whoosh! We swim right out.

(They walk through a wall into another hallway. Aladdin and Genie are sitting by the window, playing chess.)

Iago: The question is, who do we get to rub it?

Genie: Hold the phone, Al! I hear something… weird! It sounds like… the despairing wail of a tormented soul.

Iago: Tormented soul? That's us! Genie can hear us? (lands on Genie's shoulder and yells in his ear) Genie!

Genie: Hey, I'm hearin' it again! That wailing soul thing.

Aladdin: Wailing soul thing?

Genie: You know. Voices from beyond. Spectres. Phantasms. Ghosts, Al!

Aladdin: (skeptical) Oh yeah? What're they saying?

Genie: (turns into a secretary) Okay, let me read it back to you. (back to normal) It says, "revenons à nos moutons". Apparently they're French.

Iago: Not even close, you jerk!

Genie: I'm getting bad vibes, Al. I think these are very hostile spirits. Hey, I know what we need! Tada! (makes a weird machine appear)

Aladdin: What's that?

Genie: This is an ecto-alarm. A ghost repellant! Listen.

Aladdin: I don't hear anything.

Genie: Well, that's cause you're alive. Now, if you were a ghost…

(In the Netherworld, the machine makes a high-pitched screeching sound. Iago and Abu cover their ears.)

Iago: Ahh! Shut it off! Aaah!

(Abu pulls them through a wall, where they can't hear the sound anymore. Bobolonius comes through the floor next to them.)

Bobolonius: Tsk, tsk, tsk. That will never work!

Iago: Bobolonius! Quit doing that!

Bobolonius: You must wait until they're asleep.

Iago: Uh, come again?

Bobolonius: You can talk to them in their dreams.

Iago: Bobo, baby, I appreciate your Netherworld expertise, but aren't you going a little far this time?

Ayam: (in the distance) Fe fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a living one.

(Iago, Abu, and Bobolonius duck through a wall as Ayam and Joel walk past. As soon as they're gone, they stick their heads back out.)

Iago: Okay, we talk to them in their dreams.

(Setting: a short while later, in a room at the palace. Aladdin is looking out the window, while Jasmine lies on a bed, looking as if she's about to fall asleep. Genie shakes her awake suddenly.)

Genie: Jasmine!

(Iago and Abu, in the Netherworld, are standing next to her on the bed.)

Iago: Ah, we were that close!

Genie: Up up up! Gotta stay awake, or the ghosties'll get us!

Jasmine: I'm awake! I was just (yawn) resting my eyes.

Aladdin: It's okay. She doesn't have to stay up, Genie.

Iago and Abu: Yes!

Jasmine: But, I want to stay up!

Iago and Abu: Oh, no!

Jasmine: I'm worried about Abu, too.

Iago: Eh, what about me? Nobody cares about the parrot.

Jasmine: I'll go see if the guards have spotted him. (leaves)

Genie: There there, Aladdin. I'm sure monkey-boy's fine… unless the ghosties got 'im! Well, I'd better get to layin' ghost traps. (puts bear traps on the floor)

Aladdin: Are you sure that's necessary?

Genie: (turns into a fortune teller and throws bones on the floor) The bones say spirits be here, and the bones don't lie. They may joke about your weight, but they never lie. (hands Al a mug of coffee) Down some java, man! If you fall asleep they can haunt your dreams.

Iago: Argh, how does Genie know this stuff?!

Aladdin: (handing the mug back) Ah, that's okay, Genie. I'm not going to sleep until Abu gets back.

(Iago and Abu slap their foreheads.)

Aladdin: Why don't you go get some rest.

(Iago and Abu look hopeful.)

Genie: With spooks all around us? You're joking, right?

Iago: Have I ever mentioned to you that I do not like genies?

(Setting: the next morning, in the same room. Aladdin has just fallen asleep.)

Iago: It's about time. Are we ready?

(The two jump inside Aladdin's head.)

(Setting: Inside Aladdin's dream, showing the streets of Agrabah.)

Iago: Al! We need your help!

(Aladdin runs past, stops to pick up Iago and Abu, then continues running.)

Aladdin: I know, guys!

Iago: You do?

Aladdin: Yeah! The giant eye is attacking Agrabah!

Iago: The what? Aaah!

(They see a giant eyeball floating in the sky above them, chasing Aladdin.)

Iago: Oh, man, like he doesn't get enough of this stuff when he's awake!

(The eye tries to shoot bolts of magic at Aladdin.)

Aladdin: We've gotta find a way to stop the eye!

Iago: Al, no we don't! This is a dream, Al! A dream!

Aladdin: I don't think so. I mean, look at it!

Iago: Come on! You really think a giant eye is attacking Agrabah?

Aladdin: Weirder things have happened.

Iago: Fine. If this is really happening, why aren't you wearing pants?

Aladdin: (looks down and sees his boxers) Yipes! This is a dream!

Iago: Now we're getting somewhere.

(Aladdin wakes up.)

Aladdin: Jafar's lab? Genie!

Genie: Al? What is it? What is it?

Aladdin: Iago and Abu are trapped in the land of the dead!

(Genie teleports them to the lab.)

Genie: The Eye of Gazeem!

Aladdin: Right where they said it would be.

Iago: Yes! As soon as Al rubs the Eye of Gazeem we'll be home sweet home.

Ayam: (comes through the wall) Correction! As soon as Al rubs the Eye of Gazeem, I'll pull him into the Netherworld with you and me. And that's when the fun begins. Revenge at last! Aladdin will be sucked into the Netherworld the moment he rubs the Eye of Gazeem.

(Genie shackles Aladdin's ankle. The chain is bolted to the floor.)

Aladdin: What's this?

Genie: Safety precaution. Without it, you'd be sucked into the Netherworld the moment you rubbed the Eye of Gazeem! Not what we want.

Ayam: Drat! No matter. I've got other tricks up my sleeve.

Abu: Aladdin! Go away!

Iago: Al! It's a trap!

Ayam: He can't hear you, remember? (makes Joel appear) Keep an eye on our guests, Joel. If they so much as bat an eye, eat 'em.

Genie: Ready?

Aladdin: On three. One, two, three! (rubs as he says "three")

Genie: No, wait! I'm not ready!

(Genie is sucked through the portal into the Netherworld.)

Aladdin: (reaching through the portal) Genie, grab my hand!

(Ayam grabs his hand instead.)

Aladdin: You!

(The portal closes.)

Ayam: Did you miss me?

Genie: Oh, I thought he'd go "one, two, three" and then rub… Hey guys!

(Joel growls at Genie.)

Genie: Whoa, ugly dog!

(Aladdin kicks Ayam and tries to run away, but can't get far since he's still shackled to the floor.)

Ayam: Oh, the hours I've spent picturing the day we'd be together again. (makes a skull appear in his hand) Actually, it was dull and tedious.

(Ayam throws the skull at Aladdin. It explodes, but Aladdin rolls out of the way.)

Ayam: The Netherworld's not exactly a lively place, as I'm sure your friends will testify. Wave hi to your friends in Nether-Netherland, Aladdin! Enjoying the show, fellas? You've got the best seats in the house. (throws another exploding skull at Aladdin and misses)

Genie: Ugh, I don't like him.

(Ayam throws another skull; Aladdin catches it and throws it back at Ayam, knocking him unconscious. Aladdin then tries to reach the Eye of Gazeem, but it's just out of his reach.)

Iago: We've gotta get somebody else to rub the Eye of Gazeem! Genie, who's nearby and still asleep?

Bobolonius: (rising through the floor) Little Bobo usually sleeps late.

Genie: Little Bobo?

Iago: The sultan!

(Joel growls at Iago and Abu.)

Bobolonius: Over here! (shakes his behind at Joel) Can't catch me!

(Joel chases Bobolonius. Bobolonius ducks out of the way, and Joel goes flying through the wall, then falls to the ground.)

Genie: Yeah! Dead man's got the moves! (high-fives Bobolonius)

Bobolonius: Thank you, thank you.

(Setting: the sultan's bedchambers. Sultan is still asleep, and Iago and Abu jump into his head.)

Sultan: What's that? I'm not wearing pants, you say?

(Setting: Jafar's lab.)

Ayam: (waking up) You can run, but you can't… oh dear. I guess you can't run. Enough dilly-dallying! (makes a scythe appear) I'll just destroy you, then I can torment you forever in the Netherworld!

(Setting: A hallway in the palace. Sultan is sleepwalking.)

Iago: Hey, you got a left comin' up.

(Sultan starts to turn right.)

Iago: Your other left! A whole palace full of people and we pick the sleepwalker.

(Setting: Jafar's lab. Ayam Aghoul tries to hit Aladdin with his scythe, but he keeps ducking out of the way.)

Ayam: Hold still, blast you!

(Sultan enters, still sleepwalking.)

Aladdin: Sultan! (kicks the scythe out of Ayam's hands)

Iago: Duck!

(Sultan falls to the floor as the scythe flies past him. He's right next to the Eye of Gazeem.)

Iago: Rub the stone! Rub the stone!

(Sultan rubs the Eye. The portal re-opens. Sultan wakes up as he is being pulled toward the portal, and Aladdin grabs on to him.)

Bobolonius: Go quickly! You haven't much time!

Iago: What he said!

Sultan: Where am I?!

Aladdin: I'll explain later! Just hang on!

Ayam: (being pulled through the portal) No! No, not the Netherworld!

(As Ayam is sucked through, Genie, Abu, and Iago try to come through the portal the other way. Genie grabs on to Aladdin's other hand. The portal then closes.)

Abu: Aladdin!

Aladdin: (laughs) Hey, Abu!

Genie: Qué pasa, Little Bobo?

Sultan: How did you…? Oh my, I'm very confused.

Iago: (sighs) Good to be back among the living. Now let's vamoose, shall we? Jafar's lab gives me the willies! I am going out that door and I am never coming…

(Abu sees a knife sticking out of the wall and pulls it. A wall swings around, revealing a giant black orb.)

Iago: …back? It's the Orb of Kanish! I've been lookin' for this!

Abu: (dragging Iago away) Yeah, yeah.

Iago: No, Abu, you don't understand. One lick gives you the power to turn figs into gold and nutmeats into precious gems! It's our key to the big money!

(They drag Iago out of the lab and close the door.)

THE END