The Friendship Contraction


 * Leonard: I am sick of The Roommate Agreement!


 * Sheldon: Are you saying that you want to invoke Clause 209? Clause 209 suspends our friendship.
 * Leonard: I don't know what that is, but if it means I can go home and sleep, then yes.
 * Sheldon: Think carefully here. Clause 209 suspends our friendship, and strips down the roommate agreement to its bare essentials. Our responsibilities toward each other would only be rent, utilities and a perfunctory chin jut of recognition as we pass in the hall. (Demonstrating) ‘Sup?


 * Raj: Are you not looking at me? I am Brown Dynamite!


 * Sheldon: Uh-oh! Hypothetical aftershock! (pushes Leonard on purpose) That's why we wear hard hats.


 * Sheldon: We are now merely acquaintances. To amend the words of , you have [not] got a friend in me!


 * Sheldon: Put on your hard hat and safety vest.
 * Leonard: Oh, fun! I get to spend another night in front of our apartment dressed like one of the.
 * Sheldon: Every 3 months, you make that joke, and I still don't get it.


 * Howard: This is going straight in my 's.


 * Raj: Why did you put six sugars in your coffee?
 * Leonard: Because the cafeteria doesn't offer little packets of.
 * Howard: Emergency Drill Night last night, huh?
 * Leonard: Uh-huh!
 * Raj: Well, how did you do?
 * Sheldon: (coming in and sitting down at the table) I'll tell you exactly how he did. Readiness: unsatisfactory, follows direction: barely, attitude: a little too much. Overall, not only will he probably die in a fiery inferno, his incessant whining would most certainly spoil everyone else's day.


 * Scene: The apartment.
 * Howard: I got pretty exciting NASA news today. Next week I fly to Houston for orientation and zero-gravity elimination drills.
 * Penny: What does that mean?
 * Bernadette: (she's so sarcastically cross) He’s gonna learn to poop in space.
 * Howard: (he uses a deep American accent) Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
 * Raj: Maybe your nickname should be Brown Dynamite.
 * Sheldon: Hello, dear friends. (he's referring to Leonard) And Dr. Hofstadter.
 * Leonard: ‘Sup?
 * Sheldon: ‘Sup? My apologies. I would’ve been here sooner, but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it.
 * Amy: I saved you a dumpling.
 * Sheldon: Oh, your concern for me is touching. It will serve you well when you take me to the dentist tomorrow.
 * Amy: I’m sorry, Sheldon, I’m busy. I’m right in the middle of my addiction study. I’ve got a lab full of alcoholic monkeys, and tomorrow’s the day we switch them to O’Doul’s.
 * Sheldon: You’re my girlfriend and you’re not going to cater to my every need? Oh, where’d the magic go?
 * Penny: (she's rather strict) Sheldon, that’s not what girlfriends are for. Although, you don’t use them for what they’re for, so what do I know?
 * Bernadette: (she's slightly too cross) Howard doesn’t make me do his shopping, or take him to the dentist, or pick up his dry cleaning, right?
 * Howard: (sarcastically) Absolutely. But when Ma’s hips give out, you’re up, kid.
 * Sheldon: Well, if Amy’s too busy, that gives the rest of you an opportunity to make my life easier, thus assuring yourselves a footnote in my memoirs, tentatively entitled You’re Welcome, Mankind. All right, then, just shout when you hear the task you want to undertake. Uh, dentist. Okay, we can circle back to that one. Um, well, who wants to take me Wednesday morning to get new heels put on my dress shoes? Anyone? Oh. That one had hoot written all over it. Um, all right, uh, dermatologist? Allergist? Podiatrist? Supercuts? Okay, okay, here’s a fun one. Um, I need a new picture frame and I have a hankering for Swedish meatballs. Who wants to spend the day with me at IKEA?
 * Raj: Their meatballs are pretty good.
 * Sheldon: What’s that?
 * Raj: Nothing, nothing.


 * Sheldon: (in a sing-song voice) Now, rise and shine, sleepyhead! Half the town is probably dead!


 * Leonard: I have to get a lock for that door.


 * Leonard: Sheldon, is not going to invade.
 * Sheldon: Yeah, really? You think those s in and  can stop them?


 * Sheldon: Alright. An 8.2-magnitude earthquake devastates Pasadena, reducing minor edifices to dust, engulfing the city in flames, the streets flow with blood and echo with the cries of the wounded. Oh, excellent choice!


 * Sheldon: Two years ago, after a deep gum cleaning, I thought I got on a bus, but somehow wound up on a to.


 * Leonard: You call that a ? (pulls out his ) THAT is a glow stick.


 * Sheldon: Counter-proposal. We reinstate the full roommate agreement with the following addendum, in the spirit of Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, once a year, we set aside day to celebrate all your contributions to my life, both actual and imagined by you. We could call it Leonard’s Day.
 * Leonard: I kind of like the sound of that.
 * Sheldon: Of course you do. It’s about you, like everything else.