Ring Up!


 * [Barney is angry that Ted slept with his half-sister]
 * Barney: That's my sister, Ted!!
 * Ted: I didn't know! None of us even knew you had a sister until two years ago, including you. It's all a crazy coincidence.
 * Barney: There are four million women in the city of New York and you had to sleep with my sister. Why would the universe do that to me?
 * Ted: I don't know. It's not like you've treated women in such a way that wouldn't invite karmic retribution.
 * Barney: You banged my sister, my sweet, little, innocent -
 * Ted: Pierced.
 * Barney: Really, where? [gets on] Don't answer that!! Now I know why I felt everything that you did to her last night. It wasn't a Bro-nection - it was a Sis-nection. Oh my God, Ted did you... [whispers in Ted's ear]
 * Ted: Big-time.
 * Barney: Nice, high-five [high-fives Ted, but...] No, NO!!!! Retraction Five! [high-fives Ted again and reverses words]
 * Ted: Hey, hey you're the one who begged for a proxy bang - and while we're on the subject of family, I'm pretty sure you banged my mom! Mom beats sister.
 * Barney: I never banged your mom! [winks]
 * Ted: You just did that winking thing again!
 * Barney: No I didn't. [winks again]
 * Ted: Fine, let me ask you something - Barney were you a little sore this morning, especially... [whispers in Barney's ear]
 * Barney: [aghast] Friendship OVER!! [marches out of bar]


 * [Robin laments to Lily and Marshall not being able to get any freebies because of her being engaged]
 * Robin: You know what, I love Barney, but this ring thing sucks. This gross guy, brushed against my rack, and then apologized - and I think he really really meant it.
 * Lily: Sweetie, I know it's nice to be groped by strangers, but nothing beats the rush you get when that one special person looks at you.
 * Marshall: It's true. Like here in this bar, there's only one thing that I see. [looks at Lily] I see her brightly, and more clearly than anything else in this world. You know what that is? That's love... and possibly alcohol mixed [shows medicine vial] with some very powerful antibiotics.
 * Lily: And that's how Barney sees you - and I know that's how you see Barney.