Slick


 * [Stitch spies on Lilo's hula class from the doorway]
 * Moses: Good hula class, keiki. But before you go, it's time to start thinking about ideas for our annual fundraiser.
 * Lilo: I have one! Okay, what does this island need more than anything?
 * Mertle: Less weirdos?
 * Lilo: Vampires! People love vampires! And they pay good money for them to come to their luaus, weddings, and office parties. So we put on fangs, and people pay us a dollar to chase them! [pause] Or how about this? Book sale! We all write a super scary vampire book, and we each sell one million copies!
 * Mertle: Ew! Girls, what smells?! Oh, it's Lilo's ideas!
 * [Yuki, Teresa and Elena laugh; Lilo charges at Mertle, but Moses holds her back]
 * Moses: Does anyone else have an idea?
 * Lilo: But I didn't get to the part where we all star in the movie version!
 * Mertle: How about selling candy bars?
 * [all the other hula girls clamor in agreement]
 * Lilo: Vampire candy bars?
 * [everyone stares at Lilo]


 * [after failing to even sell one candy bar, Lilo and Stitch pass by an unfamiliar character]
 * Lilo: You don't wanna buy a candy bar from a loser, and I don't blame you.
 * Slick: Tsk, tsk, little lady! Never walk away from a customer! Be proud of your product!
 * Lilo: It's just candy bars.
 * Slick: Just candy bars? Was the Louisiana Purchase just Louisiana? Look, I usually only do this for friends, but you, my friend, need some pointers. Your cost is one dime for every dollar you sell! Deal?
 * Lilo: Who are you?
 * Slick: My card. [hands Lilo and Stitch two business cards]
 * Lilo: "Evil Genius Experiment #020. Primary function: salesman."
 * Stitch: [gasps] Cousin! [hugs Slick]
 * Slick: You're sure one of Jumba's best! He always hated the business end of the evil genius gig, so he designed me! Programmed to sell anything to anyone! A piece of code he obviously left out of you, pal. [chuckles] You gotta learn your four P's: Product, Pitch, Persistence, and Payment! Memorize it, exercise it!


 * [after selling a lot of candy bars thanks to Slick, Lilo and Stitch return home]
 * Lilo: Slick helped me sell two whole boxes this morning!
 * Jumba: Be careful! Once 020 starts selling, he does not start stopping. Once sold Jumba's wife for 10 Kelticredits.
 * Lilo: That is evil!
 * Jumba: But smart. She was only worth 5.


 * Hämsterviel: GANTU!!! Is this what I pay you for?! What do I pay you for? GET UP, GET UP, GET UUUPPPP!!!
 * Gantu: I told you, I have a cold! [sneezes so hard that it blows 625 to the wall]
 * Hämsterviel: I do not pay you many hundreds of my valuable dollars to lay around like a lounging lounger!
 * 625: [looks at the thermometer] Wow! What a fever! Hey, Hammy, we're gonna need some tarter sauce! Fish-stick here is burning up!
 * Hämsterviel: UNACCEPTABLE!!! If you do not find me one experiment today, I will go to wring you hour on the hour until you do! [turns off transmission]
 * Gantu: 625, see if you can find any of your trog brethren! Oh, and can you make me a chicken soup sandwich?


 * [Nani is stressed out after Slick sells everything in the house]
 * Pleakley: Don't be such a gloomy gus, Nani. He made us all this money! It was fascinating! It was fascinating! I even took notes of each item sold, to whom and for how much: a porcelain dish...
 * Nani: [gasps] Grandma's dish?!
 * Pleakley: A collection of seashells...
 * Nani: My seashells!
 * Pleakley: A photograph of an odd-looking girl with braces...
 * Nani: [angry] My eighth grade picture!


 * [Mertle has one the fundraising competition and wins the year supply of shave ice]
 * Loki: You sure you want another one, Mertle?
 * Mertle: Yes!
 * Yuki: But you had 17 already.
 * Mertle: [lying on a bench overweight] I won a year supply! No limit! I'm gonna eat more shave ice than anybody ever! Even if it makes me... [a shave ice lands in her mouth, making her groan] ...sick. [her face turns greens and she dashes away]
 * Loki: You kids know your friend is a little too competitive, right?
 * Yuki, Teresa, and Elena: YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHH!!