Art Museum Piece

Yo, happy-go-trashy, come back here. Don't you see me sweeping? What would your mother say if she saw you do that, huh? Mama would be mad. That's right, Mama would be mad, and so am I. Now pick that up. And that cup too. Okay, thank you for eating at Waverly Sub Station. Come again. Hey, Alex. You picked up the trash on the way here. Just throw it in the can. No, silly. This is a necklace I designed for you. A little something to say thanks for being my best friend. No, I'm not wearing that. Why not? Well, because it's so beautiful and you should sell it. Okay. That will be $35. No. I meant on Waverly Place, like these guys. Okay, and whatever we don't sell, we can wear to school. School? Okay. Big jewellery sale this Saturday. Please don't miss it. Please. Happy-go-trashy. Buy your mama something nice. No? So you kids are telling the Babe that hot dogs is bad for you? What's a fella eat for breakfast? Beef jerky and a bowl of syrup. I call it beef jerky and a bowl of syrup. Alex, put him back in the picture before Dad gets here. Oh, lighten up. If he was Obi-Wan Kenobi, you'd be all into it. Life-size Obi-Wan? I'll be right back. Sit down. Hi. Alex, what did we say about taking people out of pictures? We say, "Yay, hooray, Alex is so fun and creative. " Babe, always a pleasure. I am a big fan. Now put him back in the picture. Fine. Pictures with faces Return to your place Oh, I don't know the rest. You need to know the exact time and place to finish the spell. I need to know stuff? Justin's department. Yankee Stadium, 1929. You even make sports not sound cool. Pictures with faces Return to your places Yankee Stadium, 1929 Okay. Now, today's lesson is about making an object pass through something solid. Justin, say "go through, mow through" on my hockey stick. Okay. Go through, mow through Okay. Now my hockey stick is charmed. Watch. It tickles. Stop, stop. Awesome. Let me try. Alex. Not the spleen. Not my spleen. Miss Russo, we have a problem. I'd like a word, please. Sure, Miss Marinovich. How about the word "lunch"? I know it's one of my favourites. You haven't signed up for Saturday's art history field trip to the museum. And if you don't go, you're gonna have to repeat my class this summer. And I'm begging you, please don't make me teach a class with just you in it. Oh, believe me, summer school is not part of my plans. And neither is the museum. I'm actually going to a different art exhibit. My friend Harper is making jewellery, and we're selling it. If you like macaroni and glitter, I can get you some awesome earrings. But the field trip is worth 30 percent of your grade. Please, I'm on my knees. Don't fail. I missed my math field trip last Saturday. So 30 percent, is that a lot? It's a lot. Listen. I need you to watch Alex and make sure I get my summer vacation. I will see to it that she's at the museum on Saturday. Thank you. When you said "she," I really hope you didn't mean me, because: He sees Russo. Oh, I'm open. I'm open. What are you gonna tell your mother? All right. I know how to deal with this. We'll mess up a bunch of other stuff and say we were robbed. What happened? My lamp. We were throwing the ball. What happened to the robbery? We didn't have time to mess stuff up. How many times have I said, no throwing the ball inside the house, guys? - How many lamps have we broken? - Three. At least three times. - We're sorry. - Oh, not yet you're not. After I get a massage and a pedicure and whatever else I want that I don't need, then you'll be sorry. Man, this is bogus. What's the point of having a foam football if it still breaks stuff? Exactly. You know, someone should just come up with a ball that could fly through stuff. And I think that someone is us, huh? I don't know why we're nodding. Go through, mow through. Oh, now I get why we're nodding. Okay. That's enough nodding. - Okay. - Here. Go through, mow through All right, let's give it a try. Hey, go out the door. Here it comes. Sweet. It works. Okay. Pass it back. I got it. Yeah, it's just the football, Max. Not you. Hello, Miss Marinovich. Mr. Kiss-Up-Ovich. I'm here as you can plainly see. No getting around the fact that I'm here. Feel free to put a little check by my name because I'm here. Now, I'll be way over there and you might not see me for a while, because I'll be deep inside the museum, soaking it all in. I don't care what you soak in as long as you pass my class and we're not staring at each other in summer school. Because this is how I stare: Go through, mow through Okay, everyone, make sure you get one of these handouts. You have to fill it with historical facts. It's worth 30 percent of your grade. Alex? Alex? Alex. Oh, good, you're here. Now we can open for business. Harper, I don't think we need to say homemade. People will just know. Wait a minute, is this the knob from my dresser? Oh, here comes our first customer. Already? Oh, this will be easy. Good morning, ma'am. Morning. Can I take all this? - All of it? - Yeah, I'll take it all. That'd be great. Hey, Ralph. Bring the truck. We got a load of trash over here. What? No, this isn't trash. It's fine jewellery. Really? Hey, Ralph. Did you know we've been driving around in a jewellery store? Oh, good job, by the way, in there. Next time, don't use red pen. I use red pen when I grade. That's kind of why I became a teacher's assistant. Hey, that was some great art. Hard to pick a favourite. It was all so great. Save it, ditcher. Ditcher? Yeah. You ditched, I'm calling you a ditcher. Got a problem? There's only one tiny flaw with your plan, and it's called a worksheet. A worksheet? I'd hurry, because the museum closes in like five minutes. Five minutes. Five minutes? I wouldn't know this stuff in five hours. But they might. Frames with figures Step out of your pictures Okay. Gather around, people. Gather around. Over here. Why are you doing that? He's The Scream. Well, I got a new nickname for you. It's Quiet Guy, okay? All right, I'm gonna skip the introductions, because I gotta fill out this worksheet and blast out of here. So, which one of you is the Dutch boy wearing a blue costume? That would be me. Oh, okay. And the name of your painting is? Blue Boy. This is gonna be easy. All right, Frowning Woman, Crazy Guy, Guy With One Ear. See that? She's just going to use us. And then send us right back into those dingy, stiff, boring paintings for who knows how many more centuries. I say we take a vacation. Wait. Fine, fine. If you're not gonna help me with my worksheet, then you're just all going back where you came from. Go. I'm done taking short-cuts. I'm gonna do it the hard way. I'm gonna copy off Nellie Rodriguez. Pictures with faces Return to your places Wait. I don't know where you're from. Attention. We will be closing in five minutes. Okay, don't panic. Go ahead, Scream, panic. Come on, you guys. We're locked in a museum. Let's have a slumber party. And, you know, get to know each other. I'll tell you about myself and you tell me about yourself. For example, I'm Alex. I was made in 1992 in New York City. Where were you made? You talk so much, I'm glad my ear's gone. Cheese it. Elaine's coming. Who's Elaine? She's the security guard always shining her light in our eyes. Hide. Man, it's like her eyes follow you. Okay, we are closed. You know what that means. Pull the plastic utensils out of the trash and wash them? Already done. Now it's kick-off time. I'm going long. Nice one. Now, you go long, and by long, I mean up. Oh, nice. Hut, hut. Oh, hi, Max. No. - What? - Hey, Maxy. Did you catch the? Flu? I hear it's going around. Gosh. It is? Well, it's a good thing I made my chicken posole soup, then. Come on, it's done. Did she see the ball? No, it went into the soup. Here you go, guys. Dig in. How is it? It's my secret recipe. Yep. There's a secret in there all right. Hey, Harper. I see you're selling What are you selling? Jewellery, silly. Here, I even made a ring for you. That's quite an unusual stone, Harper. What kind is it? It's not a stone. It's a peach pit. Because I think you're peachy. Right. Hey, Alex. What? You're locked in the museum? The paintings? A security guard? I should stop repeating what you're saying? Right, okay. On my way. Yeah, so I just need a minute, sir, to find my sweater. You're not an art thief, are you? No, sir, no art thief. Just a teacher's assistant. Alex? Alex, where are you? Hey. What's going on? What's up? Oh, no. Oh, no. Alex, you have ruined some of the greatest artwork in history. Van Gogh, Blue Boy. I'm sorry. Who are you again? Oh, yeah, The Scream. Hey, Quiet Guy, zip it. Look, you just have to send them back. Please. But then you wouldn't learn anything. You gotta do this yourself. Justin, that could take all night. It can't take that long, because the security guard only gave me five minutes to find my sweater. Everybody, spread out. We've got to find Justin's sweater. That was delicious. Did you guys like it? Are you kidding? It was spectacular. - Loved it. - Oh, honey. Yeah, we ate all of it. All the way to the bottom. And there's nothing else in there. Absolutely nothing. We ate the ball? - It's - It wasn't spicy, honey. I know. Well, you Do you think we're gonna be okay? We're in no way okay. If we eat the spell, we get the spell. - Jerry? - We can explain. We were robbed. We put a spell on the ball so we could throw it through stuff without breaking anything. And it flew into the soup, and we ate the soup, and that is why you're standing in the middle of the island. You know, this is kind of fun. So you're not mad? Well, not in like an l-wanna-yell-at-you way. In like an l-wanna-chase-you kind of way. Run. Pictures with faces Return to your places Wait a minute. Are those shoes too small? I know. I hate shoes that make me wanna scream. Now you're ready to go. Pictures with faces Return to your places Oslo, Norway, 1893 Okay. That leaves us with the Mona Lisa. Okay. The Mona Lisa, and she was painted by Leonardo Di Caprio. Da Vinci. Da Vinci. I'll do it. Time to go home, Mona Lisa. Pictures with faces Return to your places - Italian Renaissance, 15 - No, wait. Please don't send me back. Please. But you have to go back. You're one of the greatest art treasures in history. Well, it doesn't feel like it. My entire life, all I ever heard anyone say about me is: "Why did Da Vinci paint her? She's so plain. You call that a smile?" Well, you're gonna love these earrings, Elaine. They're strung from a string that once held together a delicious roast beef. You find your sweater yet, teacher's assistant? No, not yet. Well, you got two minutes, or you're going home chilly. There you are, Alex. Good thing Justin repeated everything you said on the phone. Oh, hello. I'm Harper. Oh, hi. Mona Lisa. Do I know you? You look really familiar. She's not from here. She's from Italy. Florence, I think. Very good. Harper, that is the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen. It is? It is. And it really brings out your smile. That is a smile, right? Yes. Thank you. What are you doing? Sending her back happy. Harper, why don't you show Mona the matching earrings? Oh, yeah. You'll love them. Pictures with faces Return to your places Italian Renaissance, 1502 Here they are. Where did Mona go? She was so excited about the necklace that she wanted to go show her friend Leo. She owes me $35 for that. What? A necklace on Mona Lisa? No, no, no. That is not what Da Vinci intended. Relax. She looks great. And that's almost a smile. You put a $35 necklace on a $40 million painting. Well, now it's worth 40 million and 35 dollars. Justin, just say it's cool. It's cool. And I'm I'm sorry that I make fun of you for knowing stuff. You're apologising? Will you say that tomorrow at school in front of my friends? - No. - Didn't think so. Good. You're home. Sit down. Look, I can explain. I'm having a little trouble in art history. Yeah, what else is new? Sit. Now, what you're about to see I normally don't condone, but it's a heck of a lot of fun. Okay, kids. Watch this. I guess we found out how long the spell lasts. I hate living with wizards.