The Lie

The Doldrums of January

 * : 'Twas the middle of January in old Elmore Town, and everyone was feeling quite down.
 * : The year's first month is depressing and grim, with Christmas all over and light growing dim. With naught to celebrate no holiday cheer, you'll find no joy at this time of year.
 * : Except for one little boy, whose color is blue. No. Wait a minute. He was down, too.
 * : What's up?
 * : [Still gaping] Ugh! I hate January! I'm so depressed, I can't even bother to move my mouth when I talk.
 * : I know. Even the word sounds depressing. Januareeeeeeh. Eh.
 * : [Sigh] How long till next Christmas?
 * : Three-hundred and forty-nine days. That's two-hundred and twenty-seven days of school, three-hundred math classes, and seven-thousand time checks waiting for the day to end.
 * : [Rips face off in anger, then grows a new one] We need a new holiday!
 * : Like a made-up celebration? Like Grandparents Day or Valentine's Day?
 * : Exactly! We invent our own holiday, and everybody will be happy!
 * : The little boy smiled, and the sadness diminished. But I'd be out of a job if this story were finished.
 * : So what should we call it?
 * : How about "Fun day"?
 * : Gumball, nothing that calls itself "fun" ever is -- fun-sized, fun run, fungus.
 * : What about Dependence Day?
 * : [Acts silly] Yay! Where we all celebrate our lack of freedom.
 * : What about Wig Tide?
 * : "Wig Tide?" That's not a bad name.
 * : Really?
 * : Yeah, for a bald surfer!
 * : Danke Party, Schnitzel Time, Googoo Bash, Sluzzle Tag!
 * : What's "Sluzzle Tag?"
 * : Only the best day of the year!
 * : What's going on with you, anyway?
 * : I haven't seen the sun for so long, I've lost all my color. I'm so depressed!
 * : Then why are you dancing?
 * : I think I've got the shakes.
 * : Don't be depressed to behave like a drag, for everyone knows today's Sluzzle Tag!
 * : Uh, I'm the one here who does all the rhymes, so wait for your own… times. And so was born the Sluzzle Tag lie. Now all the boy needed was the town to comply.
 * : I haven't seen the sun for so long, I've lost all my color. I'm so depressed!
 * : Then why are you dancing?
 * : I think I've got the shakes.
 * : Don't be depressed to behave like a drag, for everyone knows today's Sluzzle Tag!
 * : Uh, I'm the one here who does all the rhymes, so wait for your own… times. And so was born the Sluzzle Tag lie. Now all the boy needed was the town to comply.

On The Way To School

 * : So, what happens on Sluzzle Tag?
 * : Well, everyone gets presents,
 * : [Gasps excitedly]
 * : And there's a feast, and we all share the spirit of, uh, Sluzzle Dude.
 * : Sluzzle Dude? What does he look like?
 * : Uh, he's got a beard, sneakers, and a leather coat.
 * : Is that all he's wearing? It sounds like he should be running from the police.
 * : No, man, he's really cool. That's why they call him "dude." He brings us all presents.
 * : [Gasps excitedly] In a sleigh?!
 * : Well, there's no snow, so he drives his... magic van.
 * : With reindeer?
 * : Pssh! No. He's too cool for that. He's got some, uh…Dobermans!
 * : What are their names?
 * : Uh, Trasher, Smasher, Rancid, Rage Slayer, and Rabies.
 * : Are you sure Sluzzle Dude is a nice guy? Because he sounds pretty metal.
 * : Yeah, but you know metalheads -- they pretend to be hardcore, but they're just hippies who like leather.
 * : Cool! So do we get a day off school?
 * : Of course.
 * : Tell us more. How does he get into houses?
 * : Through the toilet.
 * : Ew! Why?!
 * : Oh, come on, dude. He doesn't want to get covered in soot.
 * : And what kind of music do you play on Sluzzle Tag?
 * : Grindcore.
 * : What's grindcore?
 * : Grindcore goes a bit like this. [Gruff voice] Raah! Raah rah-rah raah! Rah-rah-rah-rah-rah-rah! It's important not to mix it up with black metal, which is more like... Raaaaaaah! Another common mistake is to confuse it with Viking metal, which sounds more like banging a trash can with an axe.
 * : Thanks, Rocky, but aren't you supposed to be driving the bus?
 * : Yeah, but I'd rather talk about Sluzzle Tag.
 * : Happy Sluzzle Tag, Miss Simian!
 * : What does that mean?
 * : It means we get the day off school, and we get presents from Sluzzle Dude!
 * : That sounds like complete megaloney.
 * : What's that?
 * : It's baloney times a thousand.
 * [Offscreen] No, it's true!
 * : UGH!
 * : What's with the tape?
 * : It's been so depressing I forgot how to smile and so did my facial muscles, so I improvised. But since it's Sluzzle Tag, I don't need this anymore.
 * : Oh, get a grip! Sluzzle Tag is a lie! Isn't it obvious?
 * : [Muffled] No! It's a legitimate holiday!
 * : Mazelbrag originated from some country where they do things.
 * : It's Sluzzle Tag.
 * : I was using the original, um...P-P-Prussian dialect.
 * : What are you doing in there?
 * : I was so sad, I tried to hibernate till spring, but it turns out that whatever I am doesn't do that. Anyway, everyone gets a day off. Jolly Sluzzle Tag! Bye! [Zips off]
 * : Wait. Get back here! This is a school day! Hmm. I will prove to you there is nothing to be happy about in January.
 * : 'twas then that Miss Simian knew just what to do. She'd make people see Sluzzle Tag was untrue.
 * : It's Sluzzle Tag.
 * : I was using the original, um...P-P-Prussian dialect.
 * : What are you doing in there?
 * : I was so sad, I tried to hibernate till spring, but it turns out that whatever I am doesn't do that. Anyway, everyone gets a day off. Jolly Sluzzle Tag! Bye! [Zips off]
 * : Wait. Get back here! This is a school day! Hmm. I will prove to you there is nothing to be happy about in January.
 * : 'twas then that Miss Simian knew just what to do. She'd make people see Sluzzle Tag was untrue.
 * : 'twas then that Miss Simian knew just what to do. She'd make people see Sluzzle Tag was untrue.

Shopping

 * : Dad, where did you get that sweater?
 * : From the Sluzzle market.
 * : There's already a Sluzzle market?
 * : Where do you think I bought the toilet decorations? [Gruff voice] LA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA! Haha.
 * : So, what do we eat for the Sluzzle feast?
 * : O-oh, yeah, um… [Glances at a shelf] Roasted bleach fertilizer with a shampoo garnish. [Quietly] Wrong side of the aisle. [Walks to other side] Ask me again.
 * : What do we eat for the Sluzzle feast?
 * : [Glances at shelf] Baby dog paste. Ha! Just kidding. Classic Sluzzle Tag joke. We eat junk food -- the worst you can think of.
 * : The worst I can think of?!
 * : By the power of cheese! [Cheese materializes in one hand] By the power of bacon! [Bacon materializes in other hand] By the power of processed meats! [Processed meats appear in a circle above him] By the power of carbs and deep-fat frying! [Brings meats together] I give you… The Sluzzle-wurst!
 * : It's a sausage with everything in, and on it.
 * : Ugh! Each slice of that thing has enough calories to get us to next Sluzzle Tag.
 * : "Slice"?! [Strokes Sluzzlewurst] Don't you dare carve up a masterpiece. I'm gonna make five.
 * : Please swipe your card, sir.
 * : [Swipes card] Huh? [Tries to pull out card] What the --
 * : Something's sucking my card dry!
 * : Wait. How much was this?
 * : Seven-hundred and seventy-five dollars.
 * : What?! For five Sluzzle-wursts? [Pulls out card] You vampires!
 * : I'm sorry, sir. Sluzzle Tag prizes.
 * : But what about the milk of Sluzzle Tag kindness?
 * : That'll be in the dairy aisle at a hundred and eighty-nine ninety nine a bottle.
 * : Fine! We'll take two.
 * : Thank you. [Walks away]
 * : I'm sorry, sir. Sluzzle Tag prizes.
 * : But what about the milk of Sluzzle Tag kindness?
 * : That'll be in the dairy aisle at a hundred and eighty-nine ninety nine a bottle.
 * : Fine! We'll take two.
 * : Thank you. [Walks away]
 * : Thank you. [Walks away]

At Home

 * : The townsfolk rejoiced as nighttime fell. The Sluzzle Tag spirit had them under its spell.
 * : Wait. What is Sluzzle Dude is hungry?
 * : We can leave him some milk and cookies.
 * : Good idea. [Dumps milk and cookies in the toilet] [Flushes]
 * : Well, that cuts out the middle man.
 * : [Laugh]
 * : [Whispering] I'm watching you.
 * : Dad, this Sluzzle-wurst is so fatty, I'm sweating butter.
 * : [Licks Anais] Ooh! Butter!
 * : [Hug Anais] Ahhh.
 * : [Laugh]
 * : Let's watch the Sluzzle Tag special. [Switches on TV]
 * : Jolly Sluzzle Ta--
 * : Unfortunately, animation is a lengthy process, and that's all we've had time to make. Jolly Sluzzle Tag.
 * : [Laugh]
 * : Oh well. I think it's time for bed, guys.
 * and : [Quietly] Happy Sluzzle Tag. [Closes door]
 * : I can't wait to see what Sluzzle Dude brings me.
 * : [Quietly] Me too.
 * : Jolly Sluzzle Tag.
 * : Good night, buddy.
 * : Oh well. I think it's time for bed, guys.
 * and : [Quietly] Happy Sluzzle Tag. [Closes door]
 * : I can't wait to see what Sluzzle Dude brings me.
 * : [Quietly] Me too.
 * : Jolly Sluzzle Tag.
 * : Good night, buddy.
 * : Good night, buddy.

Saving Sluzzle Tag

 * : [Whispering] So, what are you gonna do now?
 * : As all in the land lay happy in slumber, the little boy realized his Sluzzle Tag blunder.
 * : What do you mean?
 * : Sluzzle Dude is supposed to give presents to everyone in Elmore.
 * : Yeah.
 * : And you made him up.
 * : Yeah.
 * : So who's gonna bring all of the presents?
 * : Well, Sluzzle Dude will, of course. D'oh. I see what you mean now.
 * : Well, he realized eventually.
 * : Oh my gosh! WHAT HAVE I DONE?! Think about how upset everyone's gonna be when everything I promised doesn't come true! It'll be like... [Imagines Earth blowing up]
 * : I think you're being overdramatic. It'll be more like... [Imagines a clay model version of Gumball being smashed up]
 * : Anais, you have to help me, 'cause Elmore is waiting for a wish to come true [Singing] for presents delivered by their Sluzzle Dude. You cannot deny them their hopes and beliefs! To lift them from sorrow, to save them from grief, to bring such -- [Sings in a higher octave]
 * : Okay! I'll help you! Just stop singing!
 * : [High octave] Oh, thank gosh. I don't think I could've gone any higher.
 * : [Peeking through the door's letter slit] Yeah, I've got you now, Watterson.
 * : Gumball, you just broke the door! It's supposed to open inwards, you know.
 * : To save Sluzzle Tag, they ran and they ran. Only one thing was missing and that was a plan.
 * : No, wait! Stop running! We need a plan!
 * : [Walks back] Oh, sorry.
 * : Actually, no. Carry on. Running helps you think.
 * : [Runs in place]
 * : Okay. First, we're gonna need presents. Luckily, trash cans are full of all the lame Christmas gifts people pretended to like, like that treadmill mom bought for dad. Just grab that.
 * : Something about this doesn't feel right.
 * : Wow! I guess. Thanks for the treadmill, Sluzzle Dude!
 * : So, the blue boy turned his wrongs into right, leaving everyone garbage on Sluzzle Tag night. The plan was successful and nothing could spoil it,
 * : Until that guy there went and flushed his own toilet. So they snuck into homes but with joy in their heart, so we'll try to ignore the not-so legal part.
 * : Gumball, this is our home.
 * : Then the door's already broken.
 * : Oh, yeah.
 * : Hyah! [Slices door]
 * : But just when they thought it was all in the bag, an evil force came to spoil Sluzzle Tag.
 * : [Laughs] [Enters through window] Ha! Sluzzl-- Aah! [Slips on bathtub] [Gets up] Sluzzle Tag is nothing but a lie! Now I can prove it! [Shows photo to Darwin] See?!
 * : Who's that?
 * : Never mind.
 * : It was an attempt, although unrefined, to see what her backside looked like from behind.
 * : [Shows correct photo] See?!
 * : … [Inhales deeply]
 * : We'll save you the pain of how loud Darwin's sound was. Just imagine the scream of a million Chihuahuas.
 * and : What was that!?
 * : Sounds like someone put their tail in the deep-fat fryer.
 * : [Pops up from window] Or they stepped on the toes of the world's worst choir.
 * : [Pops up beside] Or a pack of hyenas in a fight with a rat.
 * : Yeah, whatever. Something like that.
 * : Who's that?
 * : Never mind.
 * : It was an attempt, although unrefined, to see what her backside looked like from behind.
 * : [Shows correct photo] See?!
 * : … [Inhales deeply]
 * : We'll save you the pain of how loud Darwin's sound was. Just imagine the scream of a million Chihuahuas.
 * and : What was that!?
 * : Sounds like someone put their tail in the deep-fat fryer.
 * : [Pops up from window] Or they stepped on the toes of the world's worst choir.
 * : [Pops up beside] Or a pack of hyenas in a fight with a rat.
 * : Yeah, whatever. Something like that.
 * : [Pops up beside] Or a pack of hyenas in a fight with a rat.
 * : Yeah, whatever. Something like that.

The Truth

 * : Uh, I'm sorry. Sluzzle Dude doesn't really exist. Made him up. I made the whole holiday up.
 * : [Inhale deeply]
 * : Though you may think his crime unforgivable, the young boy was blessed by a Sluzzle Tag miracle.
 * : To be honest, I kind of knew it was a lie all along.
 * : It was kind of weird when I saw a snowman wearing studded leather pants.
 * : Yeah, I knew, too. I just really needed something to get me through January. [Grabs present] I think we all do. [Hands it to Miss Simian] Even you, Miss Simian.
 * : Ah! [Opens present]
 * : Ah! a hideous gadget that I'll never use.
 * : Who would ever throw that away?
 * : I did. Sorry, Nigel.
 * : Oh, it's alright. I hated yours, too.
 * : [Laugh]
 * : The end of our story is now drawing nigh, and the Sluzzle Tag moral is not hard to spy -- that when life is tough and joy hard to come by, most people are happier believing a lie.
 * : Oh, it's alright. I hated yours, too.
 * : [Laugh]
 * : The end of our story is now drawing nigh, and the Sluzzle Tag moral is not hard to spy -- that when life is tough and joy hard to come by, most people are happier believing a lie.