Of Ice and Men (Aladdin)

(Jasmine's POV. Someone is holding their hands over her eyes.)

Jasmine: Uh, I guess so.

Aladdin: In that case… tada!

(The hands move away, revealing a frozen landscape. Jasmine gasps.)

Aladdin: Welcome to the frozen north, Jasmine!

(We can now see Aladdin and Jasmine, who are wearing winter clothing.)

Jasmine: It's beautiful! (is hit in the back with a snowball) Hey!

(Abu is sitting on a pile of snowballs, laughing at her.)

Aladdin: Abu! Never throw snowballs at someone when they're not looking!

(Abu turns his back on Aladdin, pouting.)

Aladdin: Abu!

(Abu is hit in the back with a snowball.)

Aladdin: All right! (gives Carpet a high-five) Another victim of the master snowballer!

Abu: Oh yeah?!

(Abu starts launching snowballs at Aladdin, who dodges them. Carpet flies him out of Abu's range. Meanwhile, Genie is snowboarding.)

Genie: (laughs) I knew you guys would love this place!

Iago: (wearing a hat, scarf, and very heavy coat) Sure, it's all fun and games until someone catches pneumonia!

(Genie and Carpet are building a snow fort, while Aladdin and Abu make more snowballs.)

Iago: Look at you guys! You're always foolin' around! But let me tell ya, life's no playground! And someday you're gonna hafta—

(Aladdin and Abu throw snowballs at Iago, who flies out of his coat to get away.)

Iago: What are you—

(Genie makes a rocket out of snow and launches it at Iago, who flies up high in the sky to avoid it.)

Iago: Leave me alone! I'll get frostbite! Look at my wings, they're turnin' blue already!

(Iago sees an ice castle in the distance.)

Iago: Wait a second! Hold the phone! All right, this is my lucky day! (is hit by the snow rocket and falls to the ground)

Aladdin: Good shot, Genie!

Iago: This is unbelievable! We are so lucky! And I don't mean just regular lucky, I mean super jackpot lotto lucky!

Jasmine: What are you talking about?

Iago: Over the mountain! Treasure! Riches! Diamonds! Gold! T-bills! Come on, let's go! (starts to fly off)

Abu: Oh boy! (follows him)

Iago: (to the others) What're you waiting for, Santa Claus? Come on! It's get rich quick time!

(The others shrug and follow Iago.)

(Setting: at the gates of the ice castle.)

Iago: There it is! The palace of the mighty ice ifreet!

Aladdin: Wait a second. It's one thing to find treasure, but to steal it?

Jasmine: And from an ifreet? Don't you know how powerful ifreets' magic can be?

Iago: Eh, what're you worried about? He left ages ago. Now c'mon! The place is sloppin' over with treasure!

Aladdin: It could be dangerous.

Iago: Come on! You're the ace of adventure! The prince of peril! The duke of daring!

Genie: The Gulf of Mexico!

Iago: Kid, you're the king of courage! You can do it! You can do it! (whispering) Besides, you wouldn't want Jasmine to think you're chicken would ya? (clucks like a chicken)

Aladdin: (sighs) Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to take a peek. Genie, open the doors!

(Setting: inside the castle, a short while later. The gang are walking down a corridor made of ice, lined with suits of armor, also made of ice, that are holding axes.)

Jasmine: Uh, just out of curiosity… Are we sure all this armor is empty?

Iago: Listen, I told you, this place is abandoned. (take the helmet off one of the suits and sticks his head inside) Hello?! See?

(The suit of armor drops the axe, barely missing Jasmine. The others then all start to drop their axes, but everyone manages to run to safety.)

Aladdin: See, this place is dangerous! Now let's get outta here!

Iago: But hey, you got us out of it with your cat-like reflexes, mister king of courage!

Aladdin: Well… I guess it wasn't really that much of a problem.

Jasmine: But you just said it was dangerous!

Iago: Hey, the king of courage laughs at danger! Ha ha ha!

Aladdin: If things get out of hand, we'll just leave! I've got everything under control. I— Whoa!

(Aladdin almost walks off a cliff; at the bottom are lots of icy spikes.)

Iago: Well, Al my boy, where do we go from here?

(Aladdin looks at the wall, where there are three levers.)

Aladdin: Hmm, maybe if we pull the right lever some kinda passage will open up. (reaches for the levers)

Iago: I got nothing but confidence in ya, kid!

Aladdin: I've got a good feeling about that middle lever!

(Aladdin pulls the middle lever and the room starts to shake. Icicles start to fall from the ceiling.)

Iago: What kinda feeling was it?! Gas?!

(The icicles break off the cliff they are standing on, but a row of larger icicles fall ahead of them, creating a staircase over the spikes and breaking their fall. A door opens and they all slide through it.)

Aladdin: Ha, see! All it takes is a little skill.

Genie: (as a scientist) Technically, that was what we scientists refer to as dumb luck.

Aladdin: Hey hey, call it what you want, but we're here, thanks to the king of courage!

Iago: (to Abu) See, there's one born every minute!

(Slabs of ice fall from the ceiling, surrounding them. A face appears on one of them.)

Face: Who dares invade the palace of the mighty ice ifreet?!

Jasmine: I thought you said the ice ifreet left ages ago!

Iago: I was wrong! So sue me!

(One of the ice "walls" starts to move closer to them.)

Genie: Uh, am I putting on weight, or is this place getting smaller?

Face: Prepare to meet your doom! (disappears)

Jasmine: Excuse me, king of courage, we could use some of that skill now!

Aladdin: Genie! Time to turn up the heat!

Genie: Righty-o, professor! (takes two flints out of his sash) Let's see… a flint. (scrapes them together; nothing happens, so he throws it away and creates a blowtorch) A blowtorch? Ooh, maybe not. (turns the blowtorch into a flamethrower) Ah, a flamethrower! (flowers come out of the end of the flamethrower) Oh rats.

(The walls have almost closed in on them.)

Aladdin: Now would be a good time, Genie!

Genie: (as a Boy Scout) Hey, I didn't get my scout badge for nothing! I'll rub two sticks together! (rubs the sticks together and they explode, melting the ice walls) Whoa. Guess I'd better turn in that badge.

Aladdin: Whew! How was that for skill?

(Jasmine rolls her eyes.)

Aladdin: Well it was my idea.

(The ice ifreet, a short icy-looking man starts to rise out of the melted ice on the ground.)

Ifreet: Hey hey hey! What're you doing? Do you know how long that wall took to make, do ya, huh?

Aladdin: Uh, no.

Ifreet: Well, I wish I knew. Nice craftsmanship there.

Jasmine: (smiling) That is the mighty ice ifreet?

Ifreet: Yeah! Frigeed's the name and ice is my game! So… how'd ya get past all the neat traps and junk?

Iago: (to Abu) Yeah, this bozo's a real prize winner.

Abu: Uh huh!

Frigeed: (angrily) Prize winner! I get it, you're after my prize, my treasure! (points to an ice treasure chest)

Aladdin: Uh, we thought you were gone!

Frigeed: Well, you won't get it without a fight! I'll ice you silly, pal!

(Aladdin puts his hand on Frigeed's face and hold him back at arm's length, so he can't reach him.)

Frigeed: Hey! Cut that out!

Genie: (as a vendor at a sports game) Get yer programs! See the king of courage take on the mighty ice ifreet! Programs here!

(Aladdin is still holding Frigeed back when suddenly his hand becomes frozen in a block of ice.)

Aladdin: Ow!

Frigeed: That'll teach ya to mess with Frigeed, ya big bully!

(Meanwhile Iago and Abu are picking the lock of the treasure chest.)

Jasmine: Abu! Iago!

(Abu opens the chest, and they look inside to see lots of shiny jewels.)

Abu: (picking one up) Oh boy!

Iago: (also picks up a jewel) Yes! (laughs) Rich at last! I knew it would come someday (the jewel starts to melt) but I never thought it would be so… (the gem is completely melted) wet? Ice?! It's all ice?! Oh, yeah. Life is fair.

Abu: (kicking the treasure chest) Ooh! Ooh! Ouch!

Frigeed: (hitting Aladdin with snowballs) Take that!

Aladdin: Ow!

Frigeed: And that!

Aladdin: Ow!

Frigeed: And that!

Aladdin: Ow!

Frigeed: And that!

Aladdin: Hey, quit it! Ow!

Jasmine: Mr. Frigeed, your treasure is just ice!

Frigeed: Yeah, what's your point?

Jasmine: Well, even if we did take it, couldn't you just make more?

Frigeed: Great glaciers! What an idea! Make more ice! It's genius! Oh, I gotta thank you kids! Oh, I never realized how worthless my valuable treasure was! You guys are true pals! Hey, take a load off! (creates ice chairs for Aladdin, Jasmine, and Genie, a pillow for Abu, and a perch for Iago)

Iago: Huh, nice service.

Frigeed: Ooh ooh ooh! Since you're here, let me show you my vacation slides! Whadda you say?

Aladdin and Jasmine: Uh…

(The light goes out and Frigeed starts showing slides of frozen landscapes.)

Frigeed: That's me in the frozen south! Here's the frozen tundra. Me in Siberia. That's Alaska!

Aladdin: Don't you ever go anywhere warm?

Frigeed: Warm? What means this "warm"?

Aladdin: Well, it never snows in Agrabah.

Frigeed: No snow?! That's horrible! Oh, I never heard of such a thing! Hey, can you take me there?

Aladdin: Uh, sure! Stick with me, and I'll even get you an audience with the sultan!

Frigeed: That'd be great! Ooh, you're the bestest friend I ever had! Let me pack my bags! (runs off)

Iago: This is a bad idea, Al! The guy's got the reasoning faculties of a boiled cabbage!

Aladdin: Don't worry about it! I got us through the ice palace, and I can handle it!

(Frigeed is in another room, packing his suitcase.)

Frigeed: Ooh, what will I bring? I have no summer clothes! Oh, no snow! These guys need my mighty ice ifreet powers! No snow! These guys have gotta have help! Oh, they're gonna love me! I'll give them snow like they've never seen! And ice! I'll cover the city in ice! It'll be… one vast frozen wasteland! (laughs)

(Setting: The palace of Agrabah, in the dining room. Aladdin, Jasmine, the Sultan, and Frigeed are all seated at the table.)

Sultan: So, Mr. Frigeed… uh, what do you do in the frozen north?

Frigeed: Hmm, frozen north? Sounds awfully familiar…

Aladdin: Uh, that's where you're from.

Frigeed: Oh, yeah! Great place! Ever heard of ice skating?

Sultan: Ice skating?

(Frigeed turns the floor to ice, grabs Sultan's hand, and starts spinning him around on the ice. He then pushes him, and sends him sliding all over the room.)

Jasmine: Father! (steps on the ice, and starts sliding as well)

Aladdin: Hey, Frigeed! (goes after Frigeed, but slips and falls on the ice)

Frigeed: Now now, wait your turn, mister eager beaver!

(Sultan screams as he spins around and around a pillar. Finally Frigeed catches him and brings him to a stop.)

Frigeed: Nice triple axle!

Sultan: (out of breath, but smiling) That… that was… great fun! This is quite a remarkable fellow. Agrabah could use a man of his talents!

Frigeed: (angry) Whadaya mean "his" talents? I could do five time the job he'd do! I'm the mighty ice ifreet!

Aladdin: (annoyed) He was talking about you, Frigeed.

Frigeed: Me?! Hoo boy! (starts doing flips and dancing around) 

Sultan: Aladdin, why don't you show this delightful fellow our fair city?

Frigeed: (pulling Aladdin out the door) C'mon, kid. Let's get this ifreet out on the street!

(Setting: the Marketplace. Frigeed skips down the street, throwing snow to either side. Aladdin, Jasmine, and Abu chase after him.)

(Frigeed makes a snowcone for a little boy, then takes an orange from a stall and squeezes the juice onto the snowcone. He then creates a giant block of ice behind a woman, who is so scared she starts to scream. Frigeed takes a hammer and chisel and makes the block into an ice sculpture of the woman. Next he makes an ice castle, which children start to play in, and starts juggling snowballs. He then throws the snowballs at the children, then creates a slide for the ice castle. Everyone in the Marketplace claps and cheers for Frigeed. Frigeed then makes it snow, which amazes the Agrabanians.)

(Setting: Aladdin's hovel, a short while later. Aladdin and Jasmine are looking down on the snow-covered city.)

Aladdin: And you wanted to leave him in the frozen north.

(Jasmine crosses her arms, pouting.)

(Setting: the palace, later. Aladdin and Abu are lying on a mattress in the middle of the ice-covered floor. Jasmine opens the door and slides into the room.)

Jasmine: Uh, Aladdin, can we talk about Frigeed?

Aladdin: Is there a problem?

(Sultan slides by, screaming. Iago is sitting on Carpet, dangling his feet in a tub of hot water.)

Iago: (sarcastically) A problem? No…

Jasmine: Look, the entire palace is frozen over. All the plants in the royal garden are dead.

Iago: (sneezes) Yeah, and Agrabah is experiencing its first cold and flu season in ten thousand years, but a problem? What are you, in a coma here? This is a disaster!

Genie: (as a news anchorman) Yes, a disaster. The entire desert has been hit by a blizzard of epic proportions. Earlier today we got reactions of startled Agrabanians.

(A screen appears over his shoulder, showing Genie playing the parts of the Agrabanians.)

Genie (merchant): Too cold, bad for business!

Genie (sailor): Water's frozen over, matey! We can't even anchor.

Genie (farmer): Dangdest thing, this snow. Makes old Flossie downright.

(The screen then shows a cow, with someone holding a microphone up to it. It moos.)

Genie: The question on this reporter's mind is, when will Aladdin stop this horrible menace? Well?

(Genie holds a microphone out to Aladdin. Several other hands appear, holding mics up to him as well.)

Aladdin: Okay, okay, I'll get him to slow down!

(Frigeed is on the balcony, throwing snow down into the city.)

Frigeed: Slow down? I'm not going fast enough! These people want snow and I'm giving it to 'em!

Jasmine: But not this much, Frigeed!

Frigeed: Not this much? You're right! We need ten times this much! I'm going to need help!

(Frigeed creates two giant snowmen.)

Frigeed: Go to work, boys!

(The snowmen salute, then make an ice ramp from the balcony down into the city. They then slide down it.)

Frigeed: With those guys this place will be a giant block of ice by sundown!

Aladdin: Frigeed, we don't want any more ice!

Frigeed: Look, if you're worried about the payments, your credit's good with me. (starts jumping away) Yahoo! It'll be a cold time in the hot town tonight!

Aladdin: Wait! (starts chasing Frigeed, but trips and slides down the ice ramp headfirst) Uh oh! (lands in a snowdrift in the Marketplace; Iago is next to him) Don't worry, I can handle it.

Iago: Uh huh. Yeah, right. Hey, if you die, can I have your hat?

(Aladdin groans.)

(Setting: a short while later. Aladdin and his friends are flying over Agrabah.)

Aladdin: Look!

(The snowmen are below, throwing giant snowballs and covering buildings with snow. They fly around one snowman's head, and Genie blows a raspberry at it. It throws a snowball at them, freezing Carpet solid and sending them crashing into a snowbank.)

Jasmine: He's frozen solid!

Genie: Hold on, I know just what the rug-man needs! (puts Carpet in a steam cleaner, unfreezing him) Tada! He's back! And you'll notice I got out that stubborn ketchup stain!

(The snowmen continue covering the buildings with snow. One of the buildings has a child playing in the snow next to it. A giant icicle falls down and almost hits the boy, but Jasmine pulls him out of the way in time.)

Abu: Yes! (he and Iago cheer for Jasmine)

(Carpet flies around the head of one snowman, who is swatting at him.)

Genie: This one'll blow you over! (turns into a giant electric fan) And out! (blows the snowman apart)

(Everyone then gets on Carpet again and flies after the other snowman, in another part of town.)

Genie: Hold that pose!

(Genie zaps the snowman, creating a giant glass dome over him. The dome and everything inside it starts to shrink, turning into a snowglobe.)

Genie: (looking at the snowglobe through a magnifying glass) Frosty would be very disappointed in you.

Iago: Those guys are nothin' compared to Frigeed! What're you gonna do now, mister I-can-handle-it?!

Aladdin: You were the one who wanted to go into the ice palace in the first place!

Iago: Hey, just because it's all my fault doesn't mean it's all my fault!

Jasmine: Excuse me, there's an ifreet on a rampage, remember?

Aladdin: (takes Genie's magnifying glass) Okay… Iago conned me into this mess, maybe I can con our way out of it!

(Setting: another part of the city. Frigeed is admiring his handiwork.)

Frigeed: Just a little reminder to the people of Agrabah of the ifreet who made it all possible. (creates a giant ice statue of himself) Very lifelike, I'd say. Except I'm a little shorter. Oh, the embarrassment I went through at dances! Hey, I can fix that! (knocks the head off the statue and climbs inside, so only his head is sticking out) Talk about cool! I can ice this city quicker than a snow weasel learns to mambo! Uh, whatever that means.

(Frigeed walks around the city in his new body, creating lots of ice and snow. He runs into Aladdin and friends, who are hanging out on the side of the road, looking bored.)

Frigeed: Hey, guys! Like what I've done with the city?

Aladdin: Uh, you've done something?

Frigeed: I got rid of all the icky heat! It's a winter wonderland now!

Jasmine: (yawns) How dreadfully boring.

Iago: How exceptionally tedious.

Aladdin: Nobody cares about ice anymore, Frigeed. I'm afraid you're yesterday's news.

Frigeed: What?! I didn't even read yesterday's news!

Aladdin: That's how it is with fads. One day you're on top, the next day you're not. Ice is out. Magnifying glasses are in.

(Abu takes out the magnifying glass.)

Frigeed: Magnifying glasses! Oh, I knew I should have diversified!

Aladdin: Yup, they're building one on that roof right over there.

(Aladdin points across the street, where Genie and Carpet are building a giant magnifying glass. It's just a frame, there's no lens.) 

Iago: Don't you get it, Einstein? You're a has-been!

Frigeed: I may be a has-been, but I'm no Einstein! Let's see this silly magnifying glass thing. (walks over to it) 

Aladdin: (to Genie, who has appeared behind them) Good job, Genie. That'll get 'im! (looks up)Genie, where's the lens?!

Genie: No problem, uh… (reaches into his sash and pulls out a tiny lens) Here it is.

Aladdin: That's the lens?! Don't you think it's a little small?

Genie: Ya know, I do believe you're right.

Aladdin: (slaps his forehead) Well, too late to do anything now. I'll just have to improvise.

Frigeed: (sticking his hand through the frame) What?! What?! I don't get it! What's so great about this?

Aladdin: Well, uh, uh, nothing right now. But you should see it with a lens! Say, too bad you couldn't make a lens out of ice!

Jasmine: Uh, yeah! You could get in on the ground floor of a new fad!

Frigeed: Are you kidding? I could make one a bazillion times better than any dumb old glass lens. I'll do it! (creates an ice lens for the magnifying glass)

(The clouds part and the sun comes out.)

Frigeed: And you called me an Einstein. That'll show ya!

(The sun coming through the magnifying glass starts to melt Frigeed.)

Frigeed: Woo, getting hot! Somehow I get the sense I've been tricked.

Aladdin: Sorry Frigeed, you're just too much trouble.

Iago: Not such a mighty ice ifreet now, are you? I was never afraid of you.

Frigeed: Oh yeah? Well, I'll… I'll… I dunno, I'll… squish you or something!

(Clouds cover the sun again, and Frigeed re-freezes.)

Frigeed: I'll show you the power of ice!

(Light starts coming through the magnifying glass again.)

Frigeed: It's really… uh… powerful!

(Genie has turned into a light bulb and is shining light through the magnifying glass.)

Genie: Bright ideas? I'm full of 'em!

Frigeed: I'm melting! Melting! Wow, what a weight-loss program! (he is finally completely melted, and turns into a cloud of water vapor) Okay bub, now I'm really cheesed off! Soon as I get cold again, you're gonna be a freezy pop!

Aladdin: But you'll be in the frozen north by then.

Frigeed: Really? How do you figure?

(Genie takes a deep breath.)

Frigeed: Oh.

(Genie blows Frigeed away out of the city.)

Aladdin: You see? Told ya I could handle it!

(The others are all glaring at him.)

Jasmine: Care to repeat that?

Aladdin: Uh, just kidding?

(The others all start making snowballs.)

Jasmine: Gentlemen?

(They start throwing the snowballs at Aladdin.)

Aladdin: Ow! Oh, hey, quit it! Ow, stop it!

THE END