The Space Probe Disintegration


 * Raj: Oh, another two hours to go. The wait is killing me.
 * Howard: I know. I get it. When I was in the Soyuz capsule returning from the space station, plummeting toward Earth at 17,000 miles per hour…
 * Raj: Before you finish, is this a story about patience and waiting or just another reminder that you went to space?
 * Howard: A story can do two things.
 * Raj: Ugh, I feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack.
 * Howard: You work in pharmaceuticals, don’t you have anything you can give him?
 * Bernadette: All I have is our new urine flow drug. Won’t help with his anxiety, but it’s so strong, when he pees he’ll fly around the room like he’s got a jet pack.
 * Raj: I can’t stop thinking about it.
 * Bernadette: You know, worrying won’t have any effect on what happens.
 * Raj: I know.
 * Howard: Maybe you need to do something more productive.
 * Raj: Okay. If I make this shot in the trash can, the probe will have arrived in perfect working order.
 * Howard: So, in addition to being crazy, you’re resting the fate of the mission on your athletic prowess.
 * Raj: Yes.
 * Howard: The man who crashed his stationary bike.
 * Raj: I didn’t crash it, okay? My playlist was too up-tempo, I got light-headed and I fell off. Okay. It all comes down to this.
 * Howard: You happy? Now you can relax.
 * Raj: What kind of scientist are you? Everyone knows you got to make two out of three.


 * Sheldon: (repeated) Son of a biscuit.


 * Sheldon: (repeated) It's what I do.


 * Penny: Sweetie, you really thought I’d want to do this?
 * Leonard: No.
 * Penny: Did you tell him that?
 * Leonard: Yes.
 * Penny: Did you say it out loud with words?
 * Leonard: No.


 * Penny: ..and we watch movies with director commentaries.
 * Amy: Oh my favorite. George Lucas can talk all the way through Stars Wars. I say one word and I’m banished to the kitchen.


 * Raj: I meant a Hindu temple.
 * Howard: Oh. Okay. It’s not like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom? Right? Some bald guy with horns is not going to rip my heat out?
 * Raj: Dude, that movie is an imperialist’s fantasy that makes the followers of a beautiful and peaceful religion look like a bunch of blood-thirsty barbarians.
 * Howard: You love that movie.
 * Raj: Yeah, it’s pretty great.


 * Raj: Whether you call it God or the universe or the self, we’re all interconnected, and that’s just a beautiful…
 * (an elderly Indian man opens his car door, dents it on Raj's car door; Raj is now angry)
 * Raj: Son of a bitch, that guy just dinged my car!
 * (Raj gets out, investigates his car door, and starts screaming at the old man, who doesn't say a word)
 * Raj: Se-seriously?! Y-you were just gonna drive away?! Like my life isn’t hard enough right now! A space probe might be destroyed, my parents are going through an awful divorce, the guy who cuts my dog’s hair just gave her bangs!
 * Howard: Raj...
 * Raj: (still angry) Well, you saw her! She looks like Jim Carey from "Dumb and Dumber!"
 * Howard: Raj, you just got a text. The probe turned on. It's fine.


 * Amy: How’s it going in there?
 * Penny: Eh. Not really a great outfit for work unless something opens up in the ”hookers and whores” division. Hey, can I ask you something?
 * Amy: Sure.
 * Penny: Do I really force you to do things you really don’t want to?
 * Amy: Yeah, but it's okay.
 * Penny: How is it okay?
 * Amy: I promised myself if I ever got friends I’d do whatever they said. Really I’m lucky you found me before a cult did.
 * Penny: Well, you know that was a long time ago. You’re a different woman now. You’re smart, you've got great friends, you've got a boyfriend, you’re pretty, you have zero fashion sense, but… Anyway, tonight we’re going to do whatever you want.
 * Amy: Really?
 * Penny: Absolutely. You name it, we’re doing it.
 * Amy: Basket weaving at the Craft Museum.
 * Penny: Well, you named it.


 * Leonard: Sheldon, do you realize I don’t live with the woman I love because of you? No other reason. Just you.
 * Sheldon: Is that true?
 * Leonard: Yes, it’s true. The last time I brought it up, you had an emotional breakdown and got on a train and ran away.
 * Sheldon: Well, given my history on the subject, it seems a little reckless to bring it up now.
 * Leonard: (angry) You have no idea how much you inconvenience the lives of everyone around you! It's exhausting!


 * Sheldon: And if you want to live with Penny, I think you should.
 * Leonard: (curious) You mean that?
 * Sheldon: Yes. Just put on your squeaky shoes and "ee-ee-ee" your way out of my life.
 * Leonard: I'm not leaving your world. I'm just talking about living across the hall.


 * Leonard: We were just talking about living arrangements.
 * Amy: Are you crazy? You know he’s a flight risk.
 * Sheldon: That’s exactly what I told him.
 * Penny: Sheldon we know this is a sensitive subject and Leonard’s not gonna move out till you’re ready.
 * Sheldon: Well, what if you did it gradually?
 * Leonard: All right well, how about we start with two nights a week I live with Penny?
 * Sheldon: How about one night a week and I let you whistle?
 * Leonard: Okay.
 * Sheldon: You got it.


 * (Scene: Penny's bedroom, night time)
 * Leonard: Well, Roomie. It’s only one night a week, but it’s a start.
 * Penny: I know. I’m really proud of Sheldon.
 * Leonard: Yeah, I’m proud of him, too.
 * Sheldon: (in Penny's living room on her couch) Can you keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep out here.
 * (Penny turns off the light, ending the episode.)


 * Raj: Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
 * Howard: Will you please relax?
 * Raj: I can’t take it, dude.
 * Bernadette: You okay?
 * Raj: No, I’m not okay. I feel like I’m gonna jump out of my skin.
 * Bernadette: I told you not to wax down there. It’s itchy when it grows back.
 * Raj: I’m worried about the New Horizons space probe.
 * Bernadette: What’s he talking about?
 * Howard: Nine years ago he was part of a team that launched a spacecraft to collect data about Pluto, and it’s finally close enough, so this morning it turned itself on.
 * Raj: We hope. The signal has to travel over three billion miles. So it’s gonna be hours before we know if it even survived.
 * Howard: Now we get to see him flip out because he’s worried it was demolished by space ice.
 * Raj: Space ice is no joke. I can’t even watch Frozen anymore.