Annie's Super Sweet 16

[We start with an invitation that zooms up to us and says: "You are cordially invited to Annie Warbucks' Sweet 16".]

Woman Announcer (singing): I'm turning 16!

[We cut to the view from a camera that is filming Annie and her dog, Sandy, out in the streets of New York; nearby, a girl and her father look into a shop's windows.]

Annie: Hey, bitches, I'm Annie Warbucks. When I was an orphan, I dreamed of being rich. (Sandy barks) Now that I am, I dream of showing other orphans just how f***ing rich I am...

[The next shot shows Annie in her mansion's dining room.]

Annie: ...so I'm throwing a super bitching sweet 16!

[She dances, and sparkles appear over her body; then we cut to the anteroom.]

Annie: As you can see, I love red, so that's the theme of my party. Red hair, red dress, red vodka (brings up a bottle of vodka and throws it behind her as she says this), and for the entertainment (the camera swipes to a view of an artists' easel that says: "Simply Red", making Annie confused)... who the f**k are "Simply Red"?

Oliver: I thought they'd fit your theme, darling.

Annie: (whispers) Don't screw this up, man. (excited) Oh, my gosh, this party is going to be off the hizook, so I'm creating super special invitations!

[The next scene shows three of Annie's orphan friends; Molly stands in the middle.

Molly: (talking to Annie, who stands above them on the stairs) Thanks for the invite, Annie.

Annie: Um, you didn't get an invitation; you are the invitation! (the left and right girls hang their heads in defeat) Isn't that clever? Your own little orphan!

[Annie is now in her dressing room, putting on make-up.]

Annie: (annoyed) Daddy's so stupid! I told him that for my birthday, I wanted the two round objects I seemed to be missing, and he got me a boob job! (her robe slips open, revealing her breasts, and she immediately covers them back up) Uh-uh, no peeking! These suns will come out tomorrow.

[The next scene shows Annie and Oliver at a car dealership, picking out a car for her birthday.]

Annie: (narrating) So I took Daddy out to the car dealership to pick out my birthday gift.

Oliver: Well, Annie, how about a little red corvette?

Annie: (pouting) I want a big red corvette...

Oliver: Okay.

Annie: ...with huge diamonds for head lights...

Oliver: Sure thing.

Annie: ...and solid gold seats...

Oliver: Of course, my dear.

Annie: (interrupting) ...and, uh-uh-uh, r-r-really big, huge...

Oliver: (not letting her finish) Bring it on, baby. I'm Daddy f***ing Warbucks!

[We cut to Annie in her mansion's kitchen, where Punjab, dressed as a chef, puts down a red velvet cake for her birthday.]

Annie: (tastes it and yells in disgust) This is not red velvet cake! How can you suck at so many jobs when it's in your name, Punjab?! (storms off in frustration, and we cut to Punjab sitting all alone)

Punjab: F**k that girl.

''[The next shows Annie in a different red dress and with her hair straightened at her sweet 16 party. She is riding on a chair that is being carried by various guests, and techno music plays in the background.]''

Female Guest with Blonde Hair: Happy birthday, Annie!

Annie: I've gotten my hair straightened so that just for, like, once, I won't look like a 75-year-old retiree.

Female Guest with Blonde Hair: (laughs) You're so right! You do look like a 75-year-old retiree!

[The music record-scratches, and the other guests look at her in shock.]

Annie: (furious) Get the f**k out of my party!

''[We cut to Annie dancing on the floor, making her dress come loose to reveal her private parts. As she does this, the guests root her on.]''

Female Guest with Brown Hair: She was a big hit on the red carpet!

Man Guest: I saw her other red carpet- more like a welcome mat!

[The next scene shows Oliver covering Annie's eyes with his hands.]

Annie: (impatiently) My present had better be huge, old man.

Oliver: Annie, I've gotten you the biggest reddest gift money can buy...

[The roof opens up to show Mars, which is seen from a distance in outer space.]

Oliver: ...Mars!

[At this splendid sight, the part guests cheer in happiness.]

Annie: (suddenly joyful) This has been the sweetest sweet 16 ever!

[We fade to her on Mars with a space helmet and a spacesuit; the camera zooms out and she groans in despair.]

Annie: Mars sucks! Sandy?! Is that you? (a space robot with a camera for a face rides by her) Wait, come back!

''[Annie tries run after the robot, but trips over a crater that makes her helmet fall off, causing her to start losing air, clutching her neck, and screaming in pain. As the robot turns around, we see Annie's head through its reflection; a few seconds later, it swells up and explodes with some blood and a splattering sound, killing her instantly and ending the episode and sketch.]''