Bubble Boys

(Scene opens at the Flynn-Fletcher house)

Phineas: I don't know about you, Ferb, but I think bubbles have a great sense of humor. Look at what that bubble's doing to my face. (laughs) You make me laugh out loud, bubble.

(Ferb blows a bubble to look at his face. The reflection of his face turns into Baljeet's.)

Baljeet: Hello!

(At first Ferb is alarmed, but then the bubble pops, revealing the real Baljeet standing behind it.)

Phineas: Hey, Baljeet.

Baljeet: What are you guys doing?

Phineas: We're blowing bubbles and relaxing.

Baljeet: Oh, I remember being relaxed, but that was before I had ''this! (shows Phineas and Ferb a schedule)''

Phineas: That looks like a color coded schedule.

Baljeet: That's because it is. Every minute of my entire day is planned out right here. Remember how you told me to seize the day? Well, consider it seized!

Phineas: That's not exactly what I meant.

Buford: Hey, is it time for me yet?

Baljeet: Not quite. (brief pause) Okay, now. (Buford licks his finger and sticks it in Baljeet's ear)

Phineas: Do you have any extra time for a bubble?

Baljeet: Uh, I guess I have time for one.

Buford: Oh, oh! Can I blow a huge one so I can crawl inside it and float around like a little woodland pixie? (stops, realizing his mistake) Did I just say that out loud?

Phineas: Yes, yes you did. But that actually sounds fun minus the pixie part. Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! There's no better way to see Danville than from inside a huge bubble.

Buford: I wanna float around! (again realizing his mistake) Like men.

Phineas: Wanna come, Baljeet?

Baljeet: My schedule is extremely tight. I doubt I even have a second to answer your question. Maybe if I move my polka recital back. Okay.

Phineas: Great! So you're coming?

Baljeet: No! I moved polka back so I could answer your question! It would take some major rearranging, but I think I can at least come and watch you make the bubble.

Phineas: Awesome! Hey, where's Perry?

Baljeet: Haha! Right on time! I had Perry's absence on my schedule!

(Perry enters his lair. Lights are off and everything is black)

Major Monogram: Shh! Quiet, Carl! He's coming!

(Lights come on, revealing the room filled with balloons)

''Major Monogram/Carl: Surprise! '' Carl: Alright!

Major Monogram: Happy Birthday, Agent P! (blows into kazoo) (awkward pause) It's not your birthday, is it? (Perry shakes his head) Are we close?

Carl: Told ya!

Major Monogram: Put a sock in it, Carl! (clears throat) I, uh, was a bit too busy planning your party, so I'm not sure what Doofenshmirtz is up too, but I am sure that it's no good. Get to the bottom of it!

Linda: So, Candace, are you ready to do some practice driving for your permit?

Candace: I'm easing my way into the driver's seat. I start with what's familiar and slide into the new.

Linda: Well start sliding. We've got errands to run.

Candace: Okay, you drive!

Linda: Your dad says you're already good at parallel parking.

Candace: That was in the backyard! That's way different than the open road!

Linda: Candace, I thought you wanted to be the first of your friends to have a driver's license.

Candace: Okay, I'm sliding.

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!

(Perry enters the building)

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, I'm so glad you're here. I did get your invite to your birthday party over the internet, and naturally, I couldn't go, since it was most likely a trap. Anyway, I got you this. (hands Perry a birthday card) It's just a card, but here you go. (card traps Perry) Surprise! Haha! I finally figured out why my evil schemes always fail. You see, I am totally, completely, unlikeable. No, really, so I asked myself, "what are the two most liked things on the planet?" The answer? Country music and western music. So now, I'm bringing them together for the first time. I'm calling it "Country and Western Music." I know, I know. I'm brilliant, right?

(Phineas and Ferb are at the park working on the bubble design)

Phineas: Great bubble design, Ferb. Now all we need is the missing bubble ingredient.

Isabella: Hey guys. Whatcha doin'?

Baljeet: Making changes to my schedule.

Phineas: We're building a machine to make the biggest, most durable bubble ever.

Baljeet: Oh, right. Nobody ever asks what Baljeet is doing.

Phineas: We have just about everything we need for our durable bubble, but if you guys wanna help out, we still need some sap from a maracanut tree.

Isabella: Yeah, we can definitely do that.

Phineas: Excellent! While they're doing that, we can finish the design on the transponder. See you girls back at the field!

Doofenshmirtz: I know what you're thinking, "But Doof, you have a terrible singing voice! Well, feast your eyes on this little baby! (unveils a cowboy hat) Ta-da! I call it the Yodelinator! Pretty cool, eh? Oh, right. You just think it's a big cowboy hat. It's so much more! (presses a button on the hat) See? Huh? See? It's designed to make my singing voice sweet and mellifluous. So, my first gig is in an hour. Come on, you can help me hand out fliers. Everyone's going to (singsong) love me!

(The car is at an intersection; a semi-truck behind them is honking its horn impatiently)

Linda: You can do this, Candace! Just look into the turn and ease your foot off the brake.

Candace: I'm l-l-l-l-looking into the turn....(gasps as she sees Phineas, Ferb, and the rest of the kids with the bubble machine in the park) (just as a bus with two monsters on the side pulls up, blocking the view) Mom, look! Phineas and Ferb!

Linda: Candace, I don't find that funny.

'Candace: 'No! Behind the bus! (honks horn) They were building some kind of contraption! I'll show you! (swerves left)

Linda: Oh good. Now we're-- Candace, slow down!

Phineas: Nice work as usual, Ferb! All we need now is the final ingredient.

Isabella: Hey, Phineas! We got the sap you guys needed. Here! (hands him a vial)

Phineas: Thanks! (pours sap into bubble machine. Ferb pushes a button and turns a valve. The machine begins blowing the giant bubble, which slowly encases the gang as Phineas speaks) At this stage, the maracanut sap isn't fully congealed. So we can pass through the semi-permeable membrane with ease. (bubble walls give way and he is inside the bubble) Voila!

Isabella: Girls, I think we just earned our Passing-Through-A-Semi-Permeable-Membrane patches! (Fireside Girls cheer)

(Linda and Candace pull up to the park entrance, but the kids are now gone)

Candace: See, there they...... (they see only the machine)

Linda: Perhaps I should get tired of asking this, but....what am I supposed to be looking at?

Candace: Ugh! They were right there in the...(sees the bubble floating behind a building) Hold onto something, Mom. (floors the accelerator)

(In the bubble)

Baljeet: Well, that was very entertaining, but that is all the time I have scheduled for. (notices how high they are) Oh, wait. You are already airborne. And I am already still with you. (begins to panic a little) I do not believe this! My schedule is totally blown! I am going to miss my polka recital!

Buford: I've heard you. It's a small loss.

(In the car; Candace still has the accelerator floored) 

Linda: Candace, trash cans again!

(Candace crashes into the cans and knocks them over)

Candace: Oops, heh heh. My bad. Where'd they go? (sticks her head out the window to see them floating away)

Linda: Candace, I think we've all had enough of your driving!

Candace: Not now, Mom! I have to get this car into the sky! (drives at full speed again)

Linda: (screaming) Candaaaace!

(In the bubble)

Baljeet: Oh, no! How long are we going to be up here?

Phineas: (reclining) Awhile.

Baljeet: And...and how do you even STEER this thing?

Phineas: We're at the mercy of the breeze.

Baljeet: (laughs nervously) Sure, when you say it like that, it sounds relaxing.

Phineas: Hey everybody! Downdraft! (They float down and pass under a bridge)

Baljeet: Oh no, look out! Power lines!

Isabella: Girls, you know what to do!

Isabella and the Fireside Girls: Leeeeaaaannnn! (they all slam against the side of the bubble and it swerves, avoiding the power lines. Everyone cheers)

Baljeet: Cactus garden!

Isabella: Lean! (this time, everyone slams against the side and the bubble swerves into an alleyway)

Baljeet: PUBLIC ART!

Gretchen: With our angle of descent, leaning will be ineffectual!

Everybody else: What?

Gretchen: We're gonna craaash!

Baljeet: Oh no! I knew I should not have forsaken the rigid beauty of my candy-colored schedule!

(Baljeet begins hyperventilating and the bubble begins growing steadily)

Phineas: The bubble is expanding. It's Baljeet's breathing! (Baljeet keeps going) It's blowing the bubble up! Everybody breathe heavy like Baljeet!

Fireside Girls and Isabella: Yes sir!

(Everyone hyperventilates and the bubble floats high over the buildings)

Phineas: We're doing it! (Everyone cheers) Baljeet, you totally saved us!

Baljeet: When in danger, I always hyperventilate.

(At the park concert)

Cowboy singer: Thank you, everyone! Thank you very much!

Doofenshmirtz: I'm next, Perry the Platypus. After this concert, I will be the most well liked man in the Tri-State Area!

(He goes onstage and begins strumming his guitar)

(Song: Yodel Odel Obey Me)

Let me tell you my evil scheme

I'm gonna enslave your minds with a predictable melody

An uncomplicated rhyme, but if I asked you to, you'd even change your name to Amy

'Cause you're gonna yodel-odel-odel obey me

You'll be my obedient mindless slaves, and nobody will blame me

(Perry pulls out a Happy Birthday card)

Person 1: I like that guy!

Person 2: Yeah! Let's do whatever he says!

Because you'll yodel-odel-odel-odel obey me

(Perry slashes through the streamers tying him up with the card and throws it aside.)

You'll yodel-odel-odel-odel-odel-

(Perry pulls out a birthday noisemaker and blows into it. It uncurls and knocks the hat from Doof's head)

(now in normal scratchy voice) -obey me

Person 2: He's terrible!

Yodel-odel-odel-odel-odel obey me (x3)

Person 3: Yeah! It stinks so bad I wanna break somethin'!

(He clenches his teeth so hard that they break)

Person 3: That really wasn't worth it.

(Everyone gets up and leaves while chatting)

Person 2: You can't mix country and western! They's two completely different types of music!

Person 4: That song was horrible!

Person 5: Yeah, those lyrics was way too on the nose!

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, that wasn't as successful as I'd hoped.... (grabs jet-pack and puts it on) but at least I can beat a hasty retreat before I'm too humiliated!

(He revs up the jet-pack and it shoots into the sky, tearing his clothes off and leaving him in his underwear and socks. The underwear is patterned with Agent P heads. Agent P notices this and gives him a dumb look)

Doofenshmirtz: Huh? (laughs nervously) For your information, I had these way before I met you. (jet-pack shoots by and he walks away) (Halfheartedly) Okay, see you tomorrow.

(In the car)

Linda: Candace, watch where you're going!

Candace: They're around here somewhere. (she sees the bubble) Ooh! Ooh! (laughs crazily) There they are! Headed for the old drawbridge! You're mine!

(The jet-pack slams into the back of the car and starts rocketing it forward)

Linda: Candace, stop!

Candace: I can't! (the drawbridge opens and they rocket into the sky. Linda screams and covers her eyes. The bubble floats in front of them) There they are! I told you! I--Mom, open your eyes!

Linda: (terrified) Not until we're back on the ground!

Candace: (they shoot past the bubble) Mooooom!

Phineas: That was Candace driving.

Ferb: Her car control has gotten a lot better.

(The car lands)

Candace: Mom, we're back on the ground! Ahhhhhhh! (eye twitches)

Linda: Okay Candace, now just gently...apply...the brake.

Candace: I'm tryiiiiing!

(Back in the bubble...)

Baljeet: Wow. This whole relaxation thing is...well, relaxing.

(Back in the car, Candace's eye twitches again)

Linda: Candace, at least take your foot off the gas.

Candace: (enraged) Oh, you think? You think?! (lifts her foot) There! How's that?! Is that better!?!

(The jetpack's flames go out and Linda screams. The car turns and Candace hits the break, and the car parallel parks near a playground)

Linda: Well, guess your father was right. You do have parallel parking down.

(The bubble containing the kids floats above them, Candace sees it)

Candace: Look! There they are!

Linda: Candace, I can't see anything. "They" who?

Candace: The boys! They're up in there in the -- (the bubble pops, releasing the kids onto the rides) Ugh.

Linda: Oh, hi boys!

Phineas: (riding a bouncy animal) Hi, Mom! Nice parking, Candace.

Candace: What?! No! It's not -- but they were up -- (leans on the car wheel, setting off the horn)

Phineas: Well, Ferb, I guess we should consider this day: Seized. (sees Perry) Oh, there you are, Perry.

(Perry chatters)