The Pacifier

THE PACIFIER

Written by                     Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant Previous Revisions by             Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry Karaszewki

March 3rd, 2004 FADE IN: EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics are Serbian w/ subtitles: SERB 2 Fifteen minutes to delivery. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in. PILOT All clear from above. EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath the surface. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam from the boat and skis bubbles. Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing RE- BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue Angels. JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the water. The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above. From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES. A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand retracting the cable and drawing himself closer. Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away -- 2.         BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control panel. SPARKS fly. The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit the wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS. EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole. INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS The chopper slows to a hover. The Pilot looks below. PILOT What's happening? EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a         SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET         SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a          second, way too fast for anyone to notice. INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS The shaken Serbs climb to their feet. SERBIAN 2 What happened? They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In         the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUN-TOTTING MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1 pushes on the throttle... nothing. SERBIAN 1 We've been hit. We're taking on water. Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the cabin door. They spring into action! SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D)                   Grab the professor, quick! 3.         EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals). SERBIAN 1 Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot! The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb 2 rushes below deck. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged, tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water. INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. He tries to         force the door open. When it finally opens, he is forced back by a three foot wall of water. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS Professor Plummer panics, as the water rises up to his mouth He struggles, but can't get free. Up to his nose, over his head.... He's gone. Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water, hauling the Professor up. He cuts the Professor's GAG. Plummer screams. Shane removes his mouth piece. Shane doesn't         seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances. SHANE Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, United States Navy. I'm gonna get you outta here. But you have to do exactly what I say, when I                   say it. My way -- no highway option. Do                   you copy? (Plummer nods, terrified.) Where's the briefcase? The Professor gestures across the room, where a metal BRIEFCASE is floating. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his own waist. As the water rises, to the roof. PLUMMER How did you know where I... Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth, giving him his oxygen. EXT. ON THE DECK - SIMULTANEOUS 4.         The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. One of         our SEALS calls out to them, in PERFECT SERBIAN: SEAL KEEP SHOOTING! The Guards fire again. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic. SEAL (CONT'D)                   Give it a second, they're almost out of                    ammo. The Seal calls out: "shoot more, more!" They do, until there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns. SEAL (CONT'D)                   Now Lieutenant. Chopper's four meters at                   your 10 o'clock. INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer... SHANE (into his mic) I've got the Prof and the case. First round's on me back at Virginia Beach. Shane takes a deep breath, and pulls himself, the Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water. EXT. OCEAN'S SURFACE - MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat falters behind them. Shane pulls out a retractable CROSSBOW. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the belly of the helicopter above him. SHANE Hold on. INT. HELICOPTER - A SECOND LATER Shane appears at the Pilot's door, holding the Professor. Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN. SHANE You know how to swim? The Pilot nods, terrified. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out. Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls, pulling the Professor in behind him. 5.         ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER - CONTINUOUS The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper, then disappear gracefully back into the water. INT. HELICOPTER - CONTINUOUS Shane smiles, clearly he loves this kind of day. He looks beside him, the Professor looks terrified. The Professor takes out his mouth piece. PLUMMER Oh my God. I can't believe you... how'd                   we... That was the most incredible... Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors' mouth, shutting him up. SHANE Better keep that on `til we get to the rendezvous point. PLUMMER (through the mouth piece) Why? Poison gas? SHANE (re: the oxygen) No. I'm just not big on chit chat. EXT. MOUNTAIN CLEARING - A LITTLE LATER A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter, rotors whirling slowly, waits. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line and sets down atop the mountain by a stream. Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the waiting Hawk. Charles stops Shane. CHARLES Lieutenant, thank you. (He pats his                   briefcase) You saved more than just my                    life today. Can I call my wife to let her know I'm okay? SHANE Negative. Not imperative to the mission. We have to keep moving. I have strict orders to get you out of here safely. CHARLES I'm safe, Lieutenant. Please. She thinks I'm dead. (then) Don't you have a family? 6.                                 SHANE (this gets him:) Make it quick. Charles picks up his briefcase. He holds the lock up to         his mouth and whispers into it: CHARLES Joe, Todd, Lulu, Peter, Tyler. The briefcase pops open. Shane looks at him, puzzled. CHARLES (CONT'D)                    My kids. It's voice activated. Designed it myself. I do security, that's my                    specialty. (gestures back:) Those guys back there tried to get this case open for five days -- couldn't crack it. And you should see what happens to you if                    open it without the code. I have a                    picture of my kids in here, you want to                     see it? SHANE Negative. Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. Shane looks in the case: it's EMPTY, except for the phone and a         family PHOTO. Charles dials his cell phone... nothing CHARLES Battery's dead...         Shane considers, then hands him his satellite phone. Charles dials, and talks... CHARLES (CONT'D)                    Honey, I'm alive...          INT. PAVE HAWK - CONTINUOUS Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit. The PILOT sits, back to him. SHANE We're almost ready. Just gives us a - The Pilot slumps forward... DEAD. Shane turns- SHANE (CONT'D)                    Professor, RUN!!! WHAM. Shane drops, knocked unconscious. All goes black. 7.         EXT. PAVE HAWK - MOMENTS LATER The helicopter is on fire. Wolf lies facedown in the stream. He looks around, barely conscious. SHANE'S P.O.V.: Everything is a blur, in slow-motion. He         sees Charles, unconscious. A Huey Helicopter lands. A         VERY TALL MAN steps out, and takes Charles' Briefcase. There is huge explosion, as the chopper ignites. Everything is ablaze. Shane reaches out, grabs the picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious. F                                                     ADE TO BLACK: EST. HOSPITAL - DAY TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later INT. HOSPITAL - DAY Shane lies in a hospital bed, despondent. His arm and face bandaged. Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -- friendly, unassuming. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. Shane salutes him with his bandaged arm -- it hurts to salute, but he does it anyway. SHANE Captain, sir.                                BILL As you were Lieutenant. Bill sits down beside the bed. He takes a long look at         Shane. He holds a REPORT in his hand. BILL (CONT'D)                   We've been through a lot together Shane. You're the best man I ever trained. And a                   good friend. SHANE ... I know sir. And I except full responsibility for the mission's failure. BILL Why the hell did you let him use the satellite phone? SHANE He had to call his family. A lapse in                   judgement on my part that I regret sir.                                                                   8. Bill shakes his head, disappointed. He pulls up a chair, and sits opposite Shane. BILL ... Plummer was the best security expert the department of defense ever had -- a                   genius. He was working on a program that scrambles launch codes. He called it                   G.H.O.S.T.: Guided High-altitude Scrambling Transmitter. One pulse from the GHOST satellite and a country can't                   launch its own nukes. That's what the Serbians kidnapped him for, but they couldn't get S                                inside the briefcase. SHANE The case was empty sir, as I stated in my                   report. Bill considers this. Then... BILL Not a surprise, really. Not like the professor to hide things where someone might look for them. G.H.O.S.T. is still out there, (Bill smiles:) which is why I'm going to give you another shot. Shane sits up. He can't believe his good fortune. SHANE Sir. Thank you. I... appreciate your confidence. Invigorated, he pulls off bandages, disconnects an IV, and starts to rise. SHANE (CONT'D)                   I'll need to put a team together. I'm                   gonna need the mini sub, I need access to                    an EP3 aries 2 spy plane... BILL (interrupting:) Negative. It's not that kind of mission. Shane listens, intrigued. BILL (CONT'D)                   Two days ago, I got a call from the professor's wife... Widow. She told me                   someone had broken into her home. Searched the place, top to bottom. (MORE) 9.                                BILL(CONT'D)                    She's scared. The family's scared. Whoever killed the professor must think G.H.O.S.T. is in that house. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Either way, I need someone to stay at that house, and protect them. And while you're there -- find out if the program is in there. SHANE That's it? Why would you want me for that, sir.                                BILL The professor's wife requested you. Shane is surprised... Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder from his pocket, presses play, we hear PROFESSOR PLUMMER'S voice. CHARLES (O.S.) Honey, I'm alive. Listen: A lot can happen between here and home -- if                   anything happens to me, call Lt. Shane Wolfe. He's a good man... anyway, I                   should go. I'll call you in an hour. I                   love you. Shane is shocked, hearing the dead man's voice. BILL ... You gotta problem with this mission? SHANE Sirnosir. It's just that... I've never been very good with kids, sir. Not even when I was a kid sir.                                                              CUT TO: INT. SHANE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Shane packs his duffel bag. He opens a drawer: There's         five t-shirts, identical to the one he wears. He opens another drawer: Five khaki pants, also identical to the one he wears. He opens the closet: There's a massive fur- collared coat. Hm. He rejects it. Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass, night vision goggles, camouflage vest, machete... they all go in. Shane heads to the door, then goes back to his chest of drawers. He reaches in, and pulls out a small, old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. He looks at it         for a moment, then unzips his suit and pins it to the inside, like it's a lucky rabbit's foot. 10.         EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - AFTERNOON A taxi door opens. Shane looks like a bad ass, ready for anything. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL doll on the sidewalk. It SQUEAKS. Shane's P.O.V.: Julie's unkempt suburban house, with toys all over the lawn, and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat. Shane double-checks the address. The sprinklers go off. Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of         those long cheerful doorbells). WE hear TINY FEET approach -- then the door swings open, Shane looks down -- and sees LULU, 8, peering up at him. Shane eyes Lulu. Lulu eyes Shane, then: LULU Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the door! SLAM. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. Shane frowns. WE hear heavier footsteps approaching. EMALE VOICE (o.s.) (before she sees Shane:) Look, if you're with the Hare Krishnas, we're not interested...         The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little startled by his size... SHANE (salutes:) Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for duty. JULIE Of course. I'm so sorry. Thank you for coming. She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a         rock, he doesn't flinch. JULIE (CONT'D)                   Come in and meet the rest of the gang. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY It's warm and quiet. Petite Julie SCREAMS up the stairs- 11.                                  JULIE KIIIDDS!!! Shane startles, covers his ears. JULIE (CONT'D)                   Get your butts down here and say "hello!" And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu, ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid Vicious shirt and a long trench coat. JULIE (CONT'D)                   You've already met Lulu. This is Peter, Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be                   staying with us for a while. All the kids except for Todd- KIDS Hi. Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks by, carrying a BABY. JULIE And this is Helga and Tyler. Shane nods hello to them. SHANE (official:) Ma'am... Baby. JULIE Kids, go finish your homework. And I'll                   be checking. Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads Shane into...         INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look         "at ease" at all). SHANE You have a pleasant family, ma'am. 12.                                JULIE Charles wasn't around too much. His work took him all over the world. He'd be gone six or seven months at a time. So I                   think for the younger ones it's a little confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're                   dealing like your normal teenagers. Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal. SHANE Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I                   did everything I could... JULIE Charles was in a dangerous business. I                   knew it when I married him. No one's to                   blame here. (beat) Everyone thinks that Charles told me or                   the kids where he hid it. And until G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger. SHANE Nothing will happen to your family as                   long as I'm here. I've dealt with much... Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He         sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of. JULIE That's Gary. He was Charles'. The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at         ease," keeping one eye on the duck. SHANE Mrs. Plummer- JULIE Call me Julie. Beat. SHANE ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the perimeter. JULIE I'm glad you're here- 13.         But Shane is already gone. CUT TO: MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS: Shane secures the area. He paces off the yard. He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves. He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows. Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and TAPS the phones. Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the shrubs, hiding electric eyes. Nighttime -- the family eats dinner. We slowly pull out... through the kitchen window... and reveal Shane with night vision goggles on scoping the property. The phone RINGS inside. Through the window, Julie casually answers it. Shane touches his ear transmitter and LISTENS as he walks into the house. BILL (o.s.) Julie, it's Bill Fawcett. I have some potentially good news. JULIE What is it? BILL (o.s.) A safety deposit box under Charles' name was just found in Switzerland. I think it could contain GHOST. JULIE That's wonderful. This could all be over! BILL (o.s.) There's a catch. Swiss law says only his family can access it. I'm going to need you on a plane tomorrow morning. INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Shane, listening to the conversation, enters- JULIE I'll be there. 14.         Julie and Shane share a look. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - MORNING Julie, with her suitcase, Shane, Helga and the Kids stand in the doorway. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the hug Julie gives her. JULIE Don't worry about the Kids, Helga will handle everything. (Worried:) But if                   there is an emergency, all the emergency numbers are on the fridge. And on the phone. And on the back door... ZOE Mom -- we'll be fine, chill. JULIE (a little choked up:) I know, it's just... I am a mom, it's my                   job to worry. ... I love you guys. I'm                   gonna miss you. I'll be back in 48 hours. And guys, whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks you to do... do it. Okay? A          ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops her chewing gum bubble. JULIE (CONT'D)                   Lieutenant, I don't want you to worry about anything except the safety of my                   children. Helga will take care of                   everything else. SHANE Don't worry. They'll be safe with me. HELGA Everything will be fine, Mrs. Plummer. Julie gets in the car and it drives away. Shane turns back to the kids who loom in the doorway. HELGA (CONT'D)                   Tell me, are you licensed to kill? SHANE ... No.                                HELGA (she frowns) Too bad. H         S                                                                 15. Helga trudges up the path and in. INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT Shane, on a short ladder, screws in a surveillance camera into the corner of a wall when he hears: MALE VOICE (o.s.) Prepare to be annihilated! Lulu SCREAMS. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING. Immediately, Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down the stairs two at a time and into the...         INT. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM - NIGHT hane rushes in -- and finds Lulu screaming and giggling in front of a VIDEO GAME. Shane shakes his head. SHANE Could you turn that dow- And Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a         corner staring at him... S                                SHANE (CONT'D)                    Hey- Todd disappears. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins, looks around for the CRYING BABY... can't find him. SHANE (CONT'D)                   ... Where's the baby? Without looking Lulu points. A diapered Peter stands in         the half full AQUARIUM, pouring in Cheerios. Helga enters holding the wailing Tyler. Gary suddenly FLIES by - - WHRRP! Shane ducks. Shane scowls at Helga: SHANE (CONT'D)                   You run a very loose ship. HELGA You don't like it? You're the SEAL. You do something. I make bottle. elga stomps out. Shane heads down the hall, when in the corner of his eye -- he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE BACK LAWN. Shane turns off the light. He shuts off the window alarm and sneaks out silently. 16.         EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - BACK YARD - CONTINUOUS The yard is littered with toys. In the middle is a         TRAMPOLINE. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS. Shane runs, jumps onto the trampoline. He flies in the air and latches onto the figure. They both tumble to the ground. Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood, revealing SCOTT (16) a nervous teenager. He's dazed, but alright, wearing SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles. SCOTT ... Zoe? Zoe runs out the door, setting off the PIERCING ALARM. ZOE He's my boyfriend, tool. SHANE So you're the one who broke in. Zoe -- go back inside. ZOE Okay, fine... come on Scott. Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck. SHANE Not with this kid. (to Todd:) You -- Gimme twenty! Freaked, Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a         twenty dollar BILL. SHANE (CONT'D)                   I meant PUSH-UPS! Befuddled, Scott starts to  do lame push-ups. Shane grabs the back of Scott's shirt,  LIFTING him in the air, spinning him away from the  house like a marionette. Scott runs off, calling out from  across the street. S                                 COTT ... I'll call you, Zoe! Zoe storms inside. Shane stands there, fuming. The Alarm's still blaring. The window of the house next door opens: a Korean couple, THE CHUNS, pop their heads out. They're arguing with each other in Korean. Shane addresses them, IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles: S                                S                                                                17. SHANE My apologies. We had an intruder. A                   simple misunderstanding. MR. CHUN (perfect English, no accent) We speak English, Kojak. SHANE Oh. Sorry. MRS. CHUN ... Look, about the 2000 decibel alarm and the kleig lights and stuff... we own a bakery, so we're up kind of early. Would you mind? SHANE Sorry. Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks it. The alarm stops. MR. CHUN Thanks a bunch. Oh, and we found this in                   our pool filter... Try to keep that zoo reigned in, huh baby-sitter? Mr. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window shut. Shane's about to head inside, he pulls a tiny camera phone from his pocket, and snaps a shot of the Chun's car in their driveway. I         INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - NIGHT hane marches Zoe up the stairs. Loud, angry rock music blares from Todd's room. SHANE Your mother thought you were in real danger. You should have told her the truth. ZOE Who do you think you are -- my dad? Zoe starts to turn -- then suddenly spins and tries kicking him in the CROTCH. But Shane catches her foot -- and whirls her away. She has to hop on one foot, to not fall over. He "hops" her down the hall to her room. S                   W                                                                 18. ZOE (CONT'D)                   Let me go! It's Saturday night. I have plans! Zoe's back to her door, Shane flips her foot in the air. Zoe falls backwards into the room. Shane shuts her door. SHANE Not anymore. Shane marches back down the hall, bangs on Todd's door- SHANE (CONT'D)                   Lights out. TODD (o.s.) Bite me! Shane frowns, continues down the hall. He passes the NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room), where Helga is singing a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might sing). ELGA When you're down and low, lower than the floor. And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove, and do the Peter Panda Dance. Just hop three times like a kangaroo -- She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She hops forwards three times, then "crab-walks" sideways. HELGA (CONT'D)                   Sidestep twice, just like the crabs do. Three steps forward, one step back. She does. The Children, in bed -- laugh and laugh. HELGA (CONT'D)                   Then quick like a turtle lie on your back! riggle like a snake `til you can't no                   more. he wriggles on the floor. Then jumps up, to their beds. Shane shakes his head, keeps walking- SHANE This family's in for a rude awakening. T                                  Z          Z          T                                                                  19. EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - DAWN The sun rises over the neighborhood, warm orange light. INT. HOUSE - SAME TIME Everyone is asleep. In the bedrooms, a SERIES OF SHOTS: L         Tyler snores in his crib. Peter in his bed. ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals. odd is out cold, motionless. oe is wrapped in blankets. Until A TRUMPET BLARES "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps, like she's been electrocuted. OE                   Huh? Wha--?! INT. TODD'S ROOM - MORNING Todd sits up, disoriented, not understanding what's         happening. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. Suddenly his door flies open -- and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. Todd blinks groggily. TODD W-what are you doing??! SHANE You're burning daylight. Move. Move. ODD It's Sunday...! (he squints at a clock) And it's six a.m. You're insane. Todd pulls the blanket over his head. Shane flips the mattress over spilling Todd to the floor. SHANE Now move it! Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door. INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS All the little kids are CRYING. Covering their ears. Helga runs through in hair curlers, half-asleep and angry, carrying the crying baby. L                                                               20. HELGA (She curses in Romanian) SHANE Hey. Not in front of the kids. S          he gives him a look of disbelief. HELGA What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian. SHANE Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata! Helga narrows her eyes, shocked. HELGA (She curses Again, in Romanian.) Shane's jaw drops. INT. KITCHEN - LATER The children are assembled, lined up tallest to shortest. At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler, sucking on a         bottle. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech: SHANE Listen up, ladies. Your behavior is                   unacceptable. In order to maintain a                   state of safety we need to maintain a                    state of discipline and order. I've only got one rule: Everything is done my way. No highway option. Do you copy? LULU Do you copy? SHANE What? I said -- do you... LULU ("copying" him) What? I said -- do you... SHANE Do not copy me! ULU Make up your mind. L                                                                 21. Shane starts to speak then thinks better, he's furious. Everyone stares blankly -- a tense silence. It's broken by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium. ULU (CONT'D)                   P                     eter farted. Everyone cracks up. Shane tries to maintain decorum. He         reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small high-tech SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered button. He straps one to each Kid's wrist. SHANE Tracking devices. Now that I know I can't                   trust you... Never take them off. The panic button is only for emergencies. Touch that -- you better be dying, or                   you're dead. ZOE I am not wearing that. Just because my                   mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to                    take orders from you. He yells at her, Marine sergeant style: SHANE Let me explain how the chain of command works. I tell you what to do -- and you do it. End of chain. Now I'm not gonna have time to learn your names. So you are -- (pointing) Red 1, Red 2, Red Leader, Red baby... wait, where's the older male? There were five. HELGA (mysterious) He walks like Dracula, with footsteps silent like death -- Shane looks to Zoe for translation. ZOE He's in his room. Angry, Shane bounds up the stairs. INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - SAME TIME S          hane marches to Todd's shut door. He tries the knob, but it's locked. Shane bangs hard on it. S                                                                 22. SHANE Red 4! Open this door! No answer. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY KICKS it...SMASH! The wood CRACKS, then CRASHES inward. The entire frame collapses. INT. TODD'S ROOM hane charges in- SHANE It didn't have to go down like- Todd isn't there. Down the hall -- a FLUSH. Oops. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT The bathroom door opens, and Todd comes sauntering back. He sees Shane, the destroyed door and wall... SHANE All I need is a hammer and some plaster of Paris. I can fix this. A piece of the ceiling falls, hits Shane on the head. TODD Can I get by? Embarrassed, Shane steps aside, then mutters- SHANE Here's your bracelet. If you'd been wearing it, this wouldn't have happened. Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist, and head down the hall, patrolling. Zoe comes up the stairs, to her room. She stops at Todd's door -- they glare at Shane. ZOE He has to go. Todd nods in agreement. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - MORNING - LATER S          hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while the Duck watches. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer. His head shifts, he hears something suspicious -- the rumble of a car approaching. L                                   S                                                                   23. He rushes for the front door, clicks his alarm remote and opens it, just as -- WHACK -- the MORNING PAPER connects with his face, hard. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY. PAPERBOY (O.S.) SORRY DUDE! Shane rubs his nose. Lulu screams at the top of her lungs. Shane turns, to see that Peter is chasing her, wearing a towel as a sheet. He pretends to be a ghost. PETER Whhhoooooo! LULU Stop it, Peter! Lulu hides behind Shane. Peter Booos again. Lulu screams. SHANE Hey, hey, good soldiers aren't afraid of                   anything. LULU This house is haunted. Daddy even said so. He said there's a ghost. And then it hits Shane. His eyes light up. SHANE Really? And where is this ghost? ULU I don't know. I've never seen it. INT. HALLWAY - LATER Shane walks slowly down the hall. As he walks he glides his hands along the wall, feeling, pushing, scanning the ceiling. Searching. I         INT. STAIRWAY - SAME TIME Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. They surreptitiously pour COOKING OIL all over the wood. Then -- a creak. Zoe whispers. ZOE Here he comes...! Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch. F                                                               24. Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. He         RAPS again, listening for hollow spaces. Nothing. Shane lifts his left foot out to take a step down...         When he hears an alert from his laptop. He goes back to         the living room, then turns his attention to his laptop. MR. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION. Shane scans it...         Todd and Zoe's faces fall. The footsteps again- TODD He's coming back- But Helga, carrying a huge laundry basket, appears, takes a step onto the stairs -- HELGA AHHH!!! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs, BANGING her head and ass on each step, all the way down. inally, BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash. She screams, as laundry flutters down from above. T          IGHT - ZOE AND TODD They gulp, terrified. ZOE Uh-oh. EXT. SWISS BANK - DAY Establishing. INT. SWISS BANK - DAY Bill and Julie, looking jet-lagged, sit across a desk from a SWISS BANKER. He seems to be about 100 years old. He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying glass, mouthing along in FRENCH. It's taking him a LONG time. They wait patiently -- til their patience runs out. BILL As we discussed, this is an urgent matter. The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. Then looks back to the paperwork, then licks his finger to turn the page. He licks his finger again, but can't get the page to turn. 25.         He feebly gets up, and shuffles across the room to a          WATER COOLER. He fills a paper cup with water and shuffles back to his desk. He dips his finger in the water to turn the page. JULIE Can't you call somebody? Do something to                   get us around all this paperwork? BILL Sorry. Not in Switzerland, I can't.          Bill can't stand it anymore. He jumps to his feet. BILL (CONT'D)                   This is absurd. If we can't get some faster service, we're going to have to                   file a complaint. The Banker looks at him blankly. BANKER Marcel! Another Banker, MARCEL, enters. MARCEL Oui. BANKER Je ne comprende pas. MARCEL (to Bill and Julie:) I'm so sorry, the chief does not speak English. But I can tell you -- you will have access to the box tout-suite. As                   soon as your background checks clear. JULIE Thank you. How long is that? INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - SAME TIME Helga, suitcases in hand, heads to the door -- Shane tries to block her path. Peter's in the aquarium. The duck flies around, QUACKING. HELGA AGGH! These brats! Sugi Pula! SHANE Red Leader, remain calm -- 26.                                HELGA I am calm. I QUIT, that makes me calm! SHANE Let's not be hasty. Suddenly, RING! Amid the chaos, Shane moves for the phone. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. He         grabs her suitcase. As she tries to wrestle it away, Shane picks up the receiver. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Hello--- (sees Helga crawling away) Don't even think about it. The suitcase handle breaks off, and Helga dashes for the door. Shane dives, grabbing her foot. He DRAGS her back. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Ah, Mrs. Plummer. (covering the phone, so Julie                           can't hear the struggle) No no -- everything's fine. You're gonna be gone how much longer? here's a pause, the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it: SHANE (CONT'D)                   Five business days? elga's shoe comes off -- Helga falls forwards, and Shane falls back, against the counter. SHANE (CONT'D)                   That is not a problem. Just doing my...         He picks up his hand, that landed on a diaper. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Duty. Helga's at the door. Shane body-checks it closed. Helga struggles to get him off. CRUNCH. Helga chomps down on         Shane's hand... SHANE (CONT'D)                   Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you have to do. Shane lets go. Helga scampers out the door. 27.                                SHANE (CONT'D)                    Take care, Mrs. Plummer. Shane hangs up the phone, as Helga makes a dash down the path to a waiting cab. EXT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane chases Helga to the cab. SHANE Red Leader! I command you to come back! That is a direct order! You can't leave a man behind!! Helga jumps in the cab. SHANE (CONT'D)                          (SCREAMING) I don't know the Peter Panda song!! As the cab pulls away, in the rear window, Helga glares back, then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture. ANGLE - SHANE His jaw drops in disbelief. He drops his head, defeated. Then -- he slowly glances up. ACROSS THE STREET The Korean couple is staring at him, dumbfounded. KOREAN WOMAN Don't worry, if she loves you, she'll                   come back. ANGLE - SHANE Rises, takes a deep breath and strides inside. INT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane enters... to find the kids are all gloomy. The baby cries. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up. SHANE Okay, listen up. There's been a change of                   plans. Your mom's not coming back as                   soon as she thought...                                                                     28. LULU (worried) When is she coming back? SHANE Soon. In the meantime, we're just gonna have some more big fun. TODD That's what we've been doing? LULU But tomorrow's a school day. ZOE I need a signed release for Driver's Ed! LULU I've got Brownies! Shane reacts, inundated. SHANE Whoa, WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill one inch at a time. Only then can we                     rise to the challenge. All for one, and one for all! LULU (singing) "Be all that you can be!" SHANE That's Army. I'm Navy. But I appreciate your enthusiasm. nice moment. Until -- FWRPPPP! SHANE (CONT'D)                     Tell me that was the duck? FWRPPP! WE zoom in on the baby's leering face. hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. Pure self-preservation, everyone bolts from the room. SHANE (CONT'D)                     Hey. HEY! Nobody will help. Even Peter runs, holding his nose. 29.         CLOSE-UP - SHANE He gulps. INT. BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER Shane enters, holding out the Baby at full arm's length. He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad, takes a deep breath, then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. Using the tools as chopsticks, he cautiously unfastens the diaper... And then -- it flops open. SShane GROANS, repelled. SHANE The things I do for my country. Shane tries approaching -- he can't do it. Aghast, he         looks around for a solution. Then: Shane picks up the Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet, then FLUSHES, over and over and over. INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT Shane patrols the hall, making sure all the doors and windows are locked. Lulu is in her pj's.         A hand tugs on Shane's shirt, he looks down to see Lulu. LULU Hi. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. I                     think you're cute. SHANE (unsure how to respond...) Thank you. Lulu doesn't go away, she just stares at him, it starts making Shane uncomfortable. LULU Do you know Kung Fu? SHANE Affirmative. LULU Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off? hane walks away from Lulu. She follows. Shane is again twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. Lulu follows at his heels, like a puppy. 30.                                LULU (CONT'D)                    What's that medal for? SHANE None of your business. LULU I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it. Shane walks room to room, pulling down the shades on         every window. LULU (CONT'D)                   Is that so people can't hurt us? He bends down to her level, and tries to sound sweet: SHANE I think -- it's time for you take a nappy- poo, in beddibye land, little girl. Lulu looks at him, like he's an idiot. LULU Do I look like I'm five to you? Lulu sulks off to bed, and shuts off her light. All the lights are out, all the kids asleep. Shane breathes a sigh of relief, and patrols. INT. KITCHEN - BREAKFAST - MORNING The Kids are dressed for school. On the table in front of         each place is a tan BAG. The kids sit down at their designated spots, confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO         EAT) in front of them. SHANE What are you waiting for? Dig in. Todd, Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags. Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers bar. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some matches. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a         coffee packet. Shane smiles, proud of his accomplishment. The Kids stare at "breakfast," dubious. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Don't worry, I can get lots more of                    those. And I've survived off this stuff for months. 31.                                ZOE Like I'm really gonna eat all those carbs. Shane turns to address them: SHANE Okay, ladies. Your mama -- is not here to                   take care of you now. So -- here's how it's gonna be. We're gonna pull together, all for one, one for all. If I say in, you stay in, if I say out, you go out...         Peter stands in his chair, dancing... PETER Ba ba do the hokie pokey... SHANE I did not say at ease! Peter's eyes fill with tears. ZOE He's only two, he doesn't have any idea what you're talking about. I don't have any idea what you're talking about...         Shane sighs. Lulu asks Shane: LULU Can you kill a man with your bare hands? SHANE You play too many video games. (then:) Yes. LULU ... I can cross my eyes. Wanna see? SHANE Negative. Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane, then at Tyler -- who SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. Shane turns to Lulu. LULU Tyler hates it when I do that...         Peter starts bawling, too. He runs away, crying. The table cloth is yanked to the floor. And the phone rings. Shane answers, trying to hear over the screaming. 32.                                SHANE Plummer residence... yes, I know it's                   Monday. Oh. Thank you, sir. He hangs up. Zoe smiles at him, innocently. ZOE Who was that? SHANE Your vice principal. He said if you're                   late again, you and Todd are expelled. He                   wants to see you in his office. With your ... legal guardian. INT. GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER The garage door opens, dramatically unveiling Shane. He's         wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. Across his chest, he's got a         bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. Shane can't         hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. A         bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom." Shane puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. Its interlocking buckle connects FOUR WAYS. Shane fumbles with it for a while. It just doesn't add up... LULU We're gonna be late. SHANE Not on my watch. Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot. EXT. GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER The car speeds out of the drive, backwards at sixty m.p.h.. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street. EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL - 9:29 A.M.         A big suburban school, Busses and PARENTS are parked at          the curb, STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. The Minivan skids completely sideways, into a TINY parking spot -- a death defying, perfect parallel park. INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. It hits ZERO, and at that moment, the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS. Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY (50's). He's HUGE and mean. 33.                                MURNEY I always said these kids didn't need a                   baby sitter, they needed a parole officer. Looks like Mrs. Plummer finally listened. He glares at Shane, and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler in a Snuggle, holding Peter on a harness, as he plays on         the floor. The Kids are seated around him, mortified. MURNEY (CONT'D)                          (To Shane) What's your name, son? SHANE Wolfe. Shane. Lieutenant. I'm in charge of watching these kids for... a few days. Murney is unimpressed. MURNEY aby-sitter huh. Well, whatever work you can get. I'm Murphy. Duane. V.P in charge of discipline, conduct and truancy. Top to bottom, K thru 12. You're in my house now, boy. I coach wrestling, too. (re:                   Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey from every wrestling practice this month. The Kids crack up. Murney is furious. MURNEY (CONT'D)                   She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed                    classes. Out of twenty-three. They're the worst students in my school. OMAN'S VOICE Your school? Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's)         enters. She's attractive, assured, tough. He withers. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Good morning kids. What are you doing in                   my office, Murney? MURNEY I was explaining, that as vice principal, I am in charge of....                                                                    34. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Very little. I thought I asked you to                   find out who stuck to the baloney slices to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard? MURNEY I'm got some leads. (then, confidential:) My informant's about to crack. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Then hop to it. I think I can handle this from here. The opens the door for Murney. He exits, fuming. The BELL rings. SHANE Red 1, Red 2. Get moving. The teens hustle off to their classes. Shane checks his TRACKER -- two little red DOTS move away. Good. Principal Claire eyeballs him... staring him up and down, as he casually holds the three kids. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. You're the new baby-sitter? SHANE Bodyguard. You see, Mrs. Plummer called my captain, she thought the kids needed - PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's okay, Lieutenant, I was briefed of                   the situation by Mrs. Plummer. She told me all about you. She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. Claire sees this -- and suddenly reacts, impressed. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D)                   Lieutenant, huh? You with "The Teams?" (Shane nods.) Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson at your service. SHANE ... You're kidding? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Four years at Naval base Coronado. The Service paid for my college. 35.         Shane stares not sure whether to believe. On the spot, Claire looks nervously around. She lifts her pants leg...         revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle. SHANE "Honor, Courage...                                  PRINCIPAL CLAIRE                      Commitment". That's the way I live my                     life, and the way I run my school. SHANE Can't be too careful. So. Permission to                     stick around and keep eyes on the kids? She smiles. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Permission granted. Welcome aboard. Just try not to frighten the children. SHANE No one will even notice I'm here. JUMP CUT TO: EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL - MID-MORNING Shane, dead serious, (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the see- saw in the school's playground. Peter rides on the other side with a group of KIDS, to balance Shane. Shane types on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. A picture of Claire in a         Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats... SHANE Clean as a whistle. Shane closes the computer, picks up a pair of binoculars. BINOCULARS P.O.V. as Shane goes from window to window of         the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window from her seat in a class. Todd, sitting in the back row of a         class, yanks his hood over his head. Lulu waves from 2nd Grade, delighted. Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw. SHANE (CONT'D)                     Back off. Official Business. 36.         ON THE PLAYGROUND: Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Peter is running in         circles around him on his harness, like a tether ball. He         checks his tracking device...          INT. CAFETERIA - LUNCH TIME BINOCULARS P.O.V.: Five hundred students eat at long tables. Zoe, with a group of HIP FRIENDS, turns her back to him embarrassed. Todd, in line to get lunch, does the same. Lulu sees Shane and waves. Shane puts down his binoculars. He turns to the person in         front of him, with stern intensity. SHANE Give up now. Save us both a world of                   pain. Now -- last time: Open the hanger, Black Hawk coming in. Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler, in his safety seat -- trying to get him to eat. Beside Shane, Peter is         destroying a sandwich with animal crackers. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Open in T minus three, two, one...          Tyler gurgles, ignoring him. Shane sighs. Principal Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE What would you say is the secret with kids, Mr. Wolfe? SHANE Show no weakness. RINCIPAL CLAIRE I'll drink to that. (she toasts, with                   milk.) Shane... Can I call you Shane? SHANE ... Sure. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. When you agreed to serve your country, I bet you didn't know you'd be                   serving creamed bananas to one year olds, huh? Shane gives her a look. Principal Claire smiles. 37.                                SHANE Hey -- I out rank you, you know. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Not here, you don't. You're on dry land, lieutenant. (she looks at his chair) Well, not so dry where you're sitting, I                   guess. Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over Shane's pants. He yanks Tyler away from him. SHANE Oh, man... Tyler starts to cry -- but Shane stops him from crying by         making a funny face. Tyler laughs. Claire smiles. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Don't take this personally -- but you're                   pretty good at this. Seriously, I'm                   impressed. A whole day, and all three Plummer's stayed out of trouble. That's... unusual. Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner, and the sound of Students in an uproar. Shane hands Tyler off to         the Principal and leaps over the table...          INT. LUNCH-LINE - CONTINUOUS Students are in a ring, cheering, as four STUDENTS in         Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. One reaches down and gives Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. Todd slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. VP Murney is watching, but not stopping it. Zoe, in the crowd, cheers Todd on: ZOE Kick his butt, Todd! Shane and Claire push through the Students. As soon as         they see the Principal, the crowd freezes. RINCIPAL CLAIRE Who started this? Silence. Then vice principal Murney steps forward. MURNEY He did. (Todd) 38.                                PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Todd started a fight with five students at once? Shane turns to Todd, and "punches fists" with him, impressed. MURNEY The kid's mixed up. Look at him. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE If I catch anyone on the team fighting again, next week's tournament is off. I                   don't care who starts it. Murney smirks, and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink. MURNEY You heard the lady. Any more fighting and there'll be no more wrestling. Personally I think that's a little harsh. Boys'll be                   boys. (low, to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer here. Todd lunges at him. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and Judo FLIPS HIM -- Todd lands on his feet, sticking the landing. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane. SHANE ... Nice moves, man. The Bell rings, the crowd breaks up. Murney approaches Shane. MURNEY Pretty slick, Frogman -- I'm a black belt myself. S'why they asked me to coach the wrestling team. Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch, stopping an inch from Shane's head. Shane doesn't flinch. MURNEY (CONT'D)                   See -- total control. Maybe you could stop by practice, we'd show the boys how a couple of pros do it, what do you say? Come on, promise I'll go easy on you. SHANE ... Sorry, sir. I'm on duty. 39.                                MURNEY Oh, yeah. That's right. I forgot you had to baby-sit. Maybe some other time then. Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. Todd shakes him off and heads to class. Murney snickers to Claire: MURNEY (CONT'D)                   Looks like pretty boy there's all bark and no bite. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE ... Don't even think it, Murney. He'd                   kill you so fast, I wouldn't even have time to get my camera. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - 2:55 Shane looks exhausted. Peter is asleep in his shoulder, Tyler is crying, as he keeps watch. The Principal strolls up. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Another day, another dollar twenty, minus taxes... aren't you gonna change him? SHANE I'd love to, for one who'll eat, and not cry. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE That's not what I mean, Lt.         Then Shane smells what she means -- Tyler's diaper is          full. Shane recoils in disgust, holding Tyler out like a         grenade. SHANE Oh -- change him. Roger that. Uh...         Panicked, he pushes Tyler towards the Principal. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Sirnosir. Not my job. SHANE But... PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Instructions are right on the box. Bathroom's down the hall. Have fun. 40.         Just then, an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. He looks at         his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. Shane hands off Peter and Tyler to the Principal. SHANE Emergency! INT. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Shane runs down the hall, following his tracking device. It leads him to a door. He bursts though it, doing a         shoulder roll. INT. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS 2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Lulu is in front of         the class, with the Panic Button in her hand. The board reads: SHOW AND TELL. Shane lands in fight stance -- the Class applauds. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE BOY with a FROG. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him. LULU See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt. Shane is furious, but the FINAL BELL rings. At that moment, his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He looks: CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1 and RED 2, are heading away from the school fast. I         INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. He hands her to the Principal. SHANE Thanks. EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL - CONTINUOUS Shane dives into the Minivan. The DOTS on the tracker are headed North. He speeds away after them. EXT. BUSY INTERSECTION - MOMENTS LATER The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side, racing down the road ahead of Shane. They make a sharp right. Shane makes a right, almost tipping the minivan. He         blasts through a red light. 41.         EXT. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE - MOMENTS LATER He turns a corner -- a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site. He leaps out of the minivan. He looks at the tracker: Zoe and Todd are dead ahead, through the fence. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - CONTINUOUS Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other side of the plywood wall -- Shane KICKS out one entire section, and charges through. CONSTRUCTION WORKER What hell do you think you're doing? He turns around, to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS, all brandishing tools. SHANE Tell me where the kids are and I'll let you all live! CONSTRUCTION WORKER Buddy, you're about to get a beat down. Three Workers rush him. Shane easily takes them out. The remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -- then RUN. ANGLE - SHANE He's alone. He catches his breath, then checks his tracker. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE. Shane pries off the manhole cover. He looks down. IN THE MANHOLE - It's dark and dank. No sweat. Shane lowers himself down. INT. SEWER - SAME TIME Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. He         winces, then checks the tracker -- the DOTS are CLOSE, feet away. Shane trudges through the river of muck. SHANE Red 1? Red 2? It's horrific. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. He's almost there! He splashes around a corner -- then gasps -- he sees the blinking lights below the surface. He takes a deep breath and dives under. He comes up for air with ZOE and TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!" 42.         INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room. From outside, they hear the front door open, and the sound of OMINOUS, SQUISHY footsteps. Then the door swings open, revealing Shane, looking like a Swamp Creature. Everyone gasps, then covers their noses. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. Todd stiffens. Zoe fixes her hair. The Cop looks at them. CUTE COP 14 year old Male, weird hair. 16 year old female. Ditto. (into his radio:) Cancel that a.p.b.. The Cop turns to Shane, with a smirk. CUTE COP (CONT'D)                   In the future, use our nonemergency number. That's the one to call if                   nobody's fleein' or bleedin'. The Cop leaves, Zoe checks him out as he goes... CLAIRE Shane are you okay? SHANE (eerily calm:) Just fine, thank you. Covering her nose. The smell is BAD. CLAIRE I should probably get going then. If you need anymore help... Call. She practically GAGS as she passes him. Shane looks around at Scott and Zoe, he doesn't say anything, but with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture. INT. BATHROOM - LATER Shane is in the shower. He pours an entire bottle of         SHAMPOO over himself. INT. BACK YARD - DAY Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue. 43.         INT. KITCHEN - LATER Tyler is in a high-chair, Peter rocks in a cradle-swing. Shane enters, in just a towel. He sees on the fridge; Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -- all junk food. He looks at it, cringing in disgust, before he notices: Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP - - a dozen little girls in uniforms, they're staring at         him. The Brownies applaud, and whistle. BROWNIE oo hoo! Hubba hubba! Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room, pulling Lulu after him. INT. FAMILY ROOM - CONTINUOUS SHANE Who are those people? LULU It's my troop, it's Monday. Monday, Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights. SHANE (O.S.) Get rid of them. LULU I can't. Everybody's parents go out on                   troop nights. They won't be home `til ten. Mom's our den mother. Lulu starts to sniffle, close to tears. LULU (CONT'D)                   Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies. SHANE Selling cookies isn't imperative to my                   mission. LULU We have to. If we don't sell enough cookies, we can't go the Jamboree, and if                   we can't go to the Jamboree. (whispers:) Come on, Shane. You gotta help me out. They already think I'm a loser. And it's                   not like I have any other friends, cause mom never lets me out of her sight...                                                                44. Lulu's about to burst into tears. Shane sighs. INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER Shane, back in "uniform," paces in front of the Brownie Troop. They are assembled, at attention, Indian Style. SHANE Alright, ladies. Here's how it's gonna be. Tonight, I'm gonna be your den -- commander. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow, do as I say. DO WE                   UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence. BROWNIE Den Mother? ... I'm scared of you. SHANE Good. Now -- wait here. INT. LIVING ROOM - A LITTLE LATE The Brownies are in the living room, unpacking boxes of         cookies, getting ready to go. Zoe's on the phone. ZOE ... yeah, he's a total psycho. I think mom found him from one of those Tough Love boot camps or something...         Shane blows passed her, revving a cordless POWER DRILL. VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every window and door. He's not just locking them -- he's         SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS. INT. ZOE'S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER Shane's finishing up the last window. ZOE This is totally cruel and unusual! You can't do this -- we could run out of air! Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH, then drills it into place. Shane ushers the Troop out the door, then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -- one attached to his front, the other to his back. Shane closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it. 45.         EXT. DRIVEWAY - MOMENTS LATER Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan. As the minivan pulls out of the driveway, the camera CRANES up to... ZOE'S WINDOW: Inside, Zoe picks up the phone, hits speed-dial. ZOE .. he's got us on lock-down, it's like Oz or something. No, not munchkin Oz -- HBO Oz. (she listens:) Hm... I dunno if                   that's a good idea, Scott...          EXT. GROCERY STORE - PARKING LOT - AFTERNOON Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot -- the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall at the top of their lungs. EXT. GROCERY STORE - MOMENTS LATER Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card table to display their cookies. SHANE I gotta get supplies. I can see you through the window, but if anything happens... LULU (flashing her bracelet) I know. INT. GROCERY STORE - MOMENTS LATER Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT monitor, as he pushes a cart into the store. He looks around at the bright, colorful boxes of Children's         Cereals, Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups, Snack packs... NOTHING looks familiar -- nothing even looks like food. He sees: a huge, 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. He smiles. Tyler looks at him -- "what are you, nuts?" EXT. GROCERY STORE - CONTINUOUS The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies, but they're         very shy. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even noticing them. One of the Brownies spots something...                                                               46. BROWNIE Oh no... they're back. SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs, we see who she means: A group of bad ass, chubby CUB SCOUTS. They're         headed straight towards the cookie table, menacingly. UGLY CUB SCOUT (to another Scout) Hey Skeever, what's stinky and floats `til you flush `em? 2ND SCOUT Brownies? The Scouts cackle. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies away from Lulu. He rips it open, dumping the cookies on         the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot. UGLY CUB SCOUT This is Troop 16 territory. How are we                   supposed to sell raffle tickets when this place reeks of your skanky cookies? 2ND SCOUT BEAT IT, before I get my face punching badge on you. The Brownies take off running, clutching their boxes. One of the Scouts grabs Lulu -- she tugs and tugs, but can't         get away. Finally, the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. He         laughs, and lets her go. The Cub Scouts high-five. EXT. GROCERY STORE - MOMENTS LATER Shane heads to the Brownie's table -- but Lulu and the Brownies are gone. In their place are the Chubby Scouts. SHANE Where are my troops? UGLY CUB SCOUT ... I haven't seen anybody, you Skeever? 2ND SCOUT Nope. You wanna buy a raffle ticket? We're trying to win .22's.         Around his neck, Shane's monitor starts beeping. Shane takes off running in the direction of the signal. 47.         EXT. PARKING LOT - SECONDS LATER Shane runs up to the minivan. The Brownies are huddled behind it, trembling. SHANE What happened? (No one answers) Well? LULU Those boys over there broke our cookies. Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. Dead serious: SHANE Well then -- I'm afraid I have to                   eliminate them. If I don't come back -- avenge my death. He heads toward the Scouts. The Brownies scream. BROWNIES No! Shane stops. He bends down, and points at Lulu's Panic button. He firmly tells Lulu, who's close to tears: SHANE This is not a toy. I'm here to protect you. Not cookies. Get in the car, we're                   going home. BROWNIE You can't take us home yet, you're                   supposed to take us to dinner. SHANE Where? INT. CHUCK E. CHEESE - A LITTLE LATER - DAY An extreme CU of the Chuck E. Cheese MANAGER. He wears braces and head-gear, which causes him to lisp. MANAGER Welcome to Chuck E. Cheese! Wider reveals...CHAOS. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere. On stage, the Chuck E. Cheese automaton band JAMS. SHANE I wish I were in Chechnya. A LITTLE LATER: 48.         Brownies are running around, playing video games and skee ball. Shane's watching Peter, in the PLASTIC BALL POOL, while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. The Manager approaches Shane. MANAGER Anything elsh I can do for you? SHANE In a big glass (he shows him)  This much ice... this much cyanide. The Manager laughs, but the headgear seems to hurt his face when he smiles. MANAGER How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of                   Mischer Pibb? SHANE What? MANAGER (gesturing:) Pischer of Mischer Pibb? Mischer Pibb? Frustrated, the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits. Lulu approaches, she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game. LULU Let's fight! SHANE I'm watching your brother... LULU I pressed two player. I thought you liked combat. Unless you're scared. Shane doesn't like the sound of that. He steps up to the machine. He cracks his knuckles, stretches. Then he takes a joy stick. He checks over his shoulder -- Peter's         happily splashing about in the plastic balls. ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Lulu picks a         small female character. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE SHANE. They begin, Lulu screams out with her fighter, in         unison: VIDEO GAME/LULU Prepare to be annihilated! 49.         She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN throwing stars. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly. SHANE That's not fair. Nobody can jump thirty feet. LULU The Hulk can. SHANE That wasn't a documentary. The second round starts, Brownies have gathered around to         watch. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Shane can't         even get one punch in -- she pins him to the ground, kneels on his head, then kicks him in the face. Shane is         taking it really seriously. He's really mad. SHANE (CONT'D)                   This isn't fair. My joystick's broken. LULU You wanna switch? They switch sides. Round three starts. Lulu's fighter picks up Shane's in the air, spins her, then cracks her in half over his knee... and then a kick in the face. SHANE (re: the Snuggle) You don't have a baby on your chest... Lulu's having fun now, she's just avoiding Shane's         fighter, dancing, jumping, while he pounds the buttons, swinging and missing... Shane's really fuming. LULU You're not even trying... SHANE I AM TOO TRYING. LULU Too slow... come on -- take a shot...                   oops too slow... swing and a miss...          She keeps dancing. It's really annoying. Shane's working the joy stick hard, slamming buttons, but he can't hit her. He is KO'd. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE. 50.                                LULU (CONT'D)                    In your face! I am the greatest hand-to- hand combat champion in the entire world! Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE. Sparks fly. Shane looks around to see if the staff noticed. He and the Brownies sneak away, leaving the sizzling machine, its joystick dangling by its wires. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Zoe's on the phone, the Zhouse is quiet. ZOE Mom -- stop worrying. INTERCUT WITH: INT. HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS JULIE (ON THE PHONE) I'm a mom, it's my job to worry. ZOE Seriously, everything's cool. The guy's                   just a control freak. JULIE It's only a few more days. I hate leaving you, but you know I have to do this. I                   love you. ZOE I know. Don't worry, we're okay. Tonight I'm just doing homework -- in my cell. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS As Zoe hangs up, we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in         its cradle, then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back up. Zoe looks around at the mess. She turns to Scott, who doesn't seem concerned at all. ZOE Dude, this is outta hand. Who are all these people? SCOTT Jus' ma peeps. And the folks who read my                   BLOG. 51.         Zoe rolls her eyes, then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID, who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the ceiling, where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH. ZOE Dude, not cool... VARIOUS SHOTS - The Plummer House: - Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED, kids everywhere. - Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR. EXT. MALL PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS Shane (Tyler in Snuggle), loads Brownies into the minivan, counting them. Barking at them like Marines: SHANE Move, move, move! Go go! EXT. SUBURBAN ROAD - MOMENTS LATER Shane drives, the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles...         again. Suddenly, a look of horror comes across Shane's         face... he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it. INT. CHUCK E. CHEESE - LATER - DUSK Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in, the Brownies follow. We see what he forgot: PETER, still happily playing in         the pool of plastic balls. The Manager is watching him. MANAGER I figured you'd come back for him -- they almost always do. SHANE Inexcusable, to leave a man behind like that... MANAGER Relax, we once found a kid in the ball pool when we opened in the morning -- Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out, which is fine, except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER. MANAGER (CONT'D)                   WHOA, Whoa. Not okay, freestyling in the ball pool -- not okay. S                                                                   52. Shane grimaces. He holds his breath, and goes down for the diaper. He disappears under the balls -- for a long time. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned look. He's still down there. Silence. LULU Should we send someone in after him? He surfaces, gasping. He's holding the diaper, out away from him. He charges across the room with the diaper. SHANE Clear out! GO GO GO! And he bursts out the other doors, at a full run. EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - NIGHT Shane is exhausted, as he pulls up in the Minivan. He         gets out -- and groans in disbelief. It's insanity: HIP HOP blasts, gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere, chugging drinks, making out, peeing in the bushes, jocks throwing footballs. Reeling, Shane takes Lulu, Peter and Tyler up the path. He protectively guides them past the craziness -- until a         football suddenly WHIZZES by. Outraged, Shane snatches it mid-air -- then CRUSHES the ball. POP! hane gives a blood-curdling stare. SHANE Party's over. The jocks flinch, scared, then RUN. Shane unlocks the CLUB lock off the door. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Inside is worse, a total wreck. Zoe's dancing with Scott. Shane drags the needle across a record at the D.J.'s         turntables. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound. SHANE No one leaves until this house is                   spotless! I want to be able to eat off the floor! The latrine! Hell, I wanna be able to eat in the kitchen!! Nervous glances -- then everybody suddenly RUNS for the back! Shane is confused, trying to understand...                                                                 53. then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the surroundings... windows... vents... AH! The doggy door! Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs his ankles and yanks him back in. Shane holds Scott upsidedown by his ankles. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Oh no you don't. Now, we're gonna do this my way -- no highway option. Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the ceiling, sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. PLOP. Shane's eyes narrow, he takes it off, trying to maintain his dignity. He fumes... SHANE (CONT'D)                    Start swabbing, ladies. He hands Scott the mop. Scott gulps - and starts mopping. DISSOLVE TO: CLEANING THE HOUSE. Miserable TEENS scrub. In a bathroom, Scott and Zoe, in         Playtex gloves, furiously clean. Scott scrubs the toilet with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet. SCOTT This is officially the worst party ever. ZOE It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most of these losers. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY - NIGHT Shane inspects the house, as kids clean. Shane wipes a         finger down the sofa. Clean. He lifts the sofa, and rubs his finger UNDER IT. He holds it up to a KID... residue. The Kid quickly starts cleaning again. A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. Shane goes over them, straightening -- then he notices something. He         pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk, labeled with a          Sharpie. It reads: GHOST. Oh my god... CUT TO: EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - SIMULTANEOUS Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch, through binoculars. They see Shane find the CD, and walk out of sight. 54.         INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY - CONTINUOUS Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket. CUT TO: EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - ALMOST DAWN A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. Scott's         the last one to leave. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - VARIOUS Shane works his way through the house. It's SPOTLESS: counter tops glisten, furniture polished. It looks like Better Homes and Gardens. He heads upstairs. Zoe blows past him -- into the bathroom, where she throws up. Shane sits down, outside the bathroom door. ZOE ... Thanks a lot, Rambo. My friends will never come here again. SHANE Those people aren't your friends. They show no respect for you or your house. Because you have no respect for yourself. ZOE I do too respect myself. ueasy, she pukes again. Shane hands her a handkerchief. SHANE You got barf on your tank top. (Announces:) Company, downstairs! He walks down the hall, Zpounding on doors. ZOE You're not my dad! Shane stops. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. Zoe gets up, shaky and furious, and screams in Shane's face. ZOE (CONT'D)                   We hate you, you hate us. You're like a                   robot. Why don't you just leave us alone? Silence. Lulu's crying, Todd picks her up. Shane stands, helpless. After a beat...                                                                 55. SHANE You're right, Red 1. I'm not the man for this job. LULU Shane --! SHANE In all my years I have never been treated with such disrespect. Not even from the enemy. Don't worry, as soon as your mom comes back, I'm gone. Suddenly -- the power goes out. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Now what? ZOE (sighs, tired) It's Scott... SHANE Puberty... talking doesn't do any good. Go to your rooms. Suddenly, TWO NINJAS, all in black BURST in through the window. Shane spins in fight-stance. SHANE (CONT'D)                          (to the kids:) Go! Terrified, Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down the hall. The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. Wielding them with great skill. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend them off -- the three fight, close-quarters and fast. Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. He goes down, but Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. The Ninjas attack, fiercely -- they're good. Their Kendo staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. The Ninjas knock Shane backwards down the stairs... NINJA GHOST -- hand it over! They leap down after him, pounding him with their staffs, knocking him into...                                                               56. INT. PLAYROOM - CONTINUOUS There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -- like a tornado hit a TOYS-R- US. Shane fends the Ninjas off. He spots a BASEBALL BAT, and grabs it, facing them, fiercely. They step back... SHANE Okay -- who wants some? Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a         whiffle bat, it makes a silly thunk. Shane and the Ninja share a surprised look -- then the Ninjas charge. Shane fends them off with his Whiffle bat. With his foot, he         picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER, and uses them both to fend off blows. It rattles and pops as he fights with both Toys -- until a Ninja breaks them with one blow. Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. He jumps up onto a         shelf and grabs it. He pulls the string, and swings the plastic disk like a deadly bolo. FARMER JOHN GAME The rooster goes...         WHACK, he hits a Ninja in the head. He swings the Farmer John like a bull whip -- until a Ninja knocks the shelf over. Shane crashes down, toys fly, several FURBIES hit the floor. They echo the fight: FURBIES Ow! Ow! Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -- no         shoes. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS, and flings them all over the floor. The Ninjas move towards him -- the Legos and Jacks dig into their feet. NINJA/FURBIES Ow! Ow ow! Crap! The Ninjas fight as they hobble around, avoiding Legos, Shane runs to the changing table, then violently squeezes DESITIN at a NINJA, blinding him. Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them, KICKING a         Ninja in the chest. The Ninja CRASHES through the window! he other Ninja looks up, fearful. Suddenly he grabs a         bottle of BABY POWDER. He sprays it in Shane's face...         POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE. ANGLE - SHANE 57.         He squints, blinded. The cloud dissipates... and Shane sees he's now alone. He runs to the broken window. OUTSIDE: The Ninja's are long gone. Shane bangs the window sill, disappointed to have lost them. INT. HALLWAY - SECONDS LATER Composing himself, Shane approaches Zoe's door. He         quietly knocks. SHANE Kids. It's safe. You can open up. A long pause -- then the door creaks open. The kids run out and hug Shane with all their strength, bawling. Todd and Zoe enter, terrified. Shane isn't sure what to do...         Then, he hugs Peter and Lulu. He really hugs them. LULU Please don't leave us Shane. SHANE I'm not going anywhere. He hugs them, even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane. ZOE I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. SHANE Shhh... It's okay. TODD Who were they? What did they want...? SHANE They're looking for a program, that your father invented. ZOE So Mom's not paranoid? There really are people out to get us. He takes out the CD labeled GHOST. SHANE They're not after you. They want this. But nothing's gonna happen to you, as                    long as I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere. 58.         The kids shudder, relieved. They hug him tighter. He         looks Zoe, eye to eye. He dries her tears: SHANE (CONT'D)                   But I can't do this without your help, okay? We need a little more cooperation here. (the Kids nod) Tell you what -- let's start over. From now on, you listen to me, and do what I say. (to Zoe and                   Todd:) And I... I'll listen to you too. Deal? Truce -- okay? Zoe and Todd nod. Shane offers his hand to shake. They shake -- then they hug him, too. INT. LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. Shane slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive, pushes play -- SHANE C'mon c'mon c'mon... CLOSE-UP - COMPUTER MONITOR The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. "Unchained Melody." And then, PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a pottery wheel. Shane is furious -- a long pause. Then...         Zoe laughs: she can't help it, it's been a long night. Then, the other kids join in. Soon, even Shane is         laughing too: the telephone RINGS -- they all jump, startled. Zoe answers it, all smiles, she tries to play it cool and not frighten her mother: ZOE Hey mom we're fine, absolutely nothing happened you should worry about. Nope. Shane takes the phone. SHANE Mrs. Plummer... two men tried to get into the house tonight. WE INTERCUT: INT. HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS JULIE Oh my god! 59.                                SHANE No - it's okay. They're gone, everyone's                   fine. They were looking for GHOST, but they didn't find it. You have any luck? JULIE Well, yes and no. We found something in                   the box... But we're not sure what it is. Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. It                   looks like some kind of "key". We just don't know what its for. She holds up the strange, metal two pronged KEY. JULIE (CONT'D)                   The good news is I'll be home in two days, as soon as the customs paperwork clears. SHANE (very genuine) ...So soon? We were just starting to have fun. Don't worry -- we'll be just fine. EXT. SCHOOL - MORNING Early morning, students run in to school. The minivan pulls up, and Shane emerges with the five kids. SHANE I gotta warn you guys: From now on, I'm                   gonna be sticking even closer. INT. LULU'S CLASSROOM - DAY The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs. ANGLE on Lulu, making a mess of an egg. She smiles. ANGLE on Shane, squashed at a little desk. He dips an         egg in some purple dye. EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY Driver's Ed. An obstacle course with cones. Zoe nervously drives a small sedan, a crazed TEACHER next to         her. He is gesticulating, SCREAMING, reacting each time she HITS the gas, then BRAKES, HITS the gas, then BRAKES. Shane stands off to the side, shaking his head. Peter and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles. 60.         INT. LULU'S CLASSROOM - LATER The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" drawings above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make         the feathers). She hangs one of a HUGE HAND, and smiles at Shane, who sits in the back, sunglasses on. Shane nods, "yeah, I know it's good." Then... VOICE (OVER THE PA:) Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice Principal Murney in the gym. Lulu's classmates all chant, in unison: SECOND GRADERS Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!) INT. THE GYM - MOMENTS LATER Shane enters. Zoe sits in a folding chair, mortified. She is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. Murney stands, Principal Claire next to him. They look concerned. SHANE Don't worry. So, she wrecked a driver's                   Ed. car -- she'll pay for the damage... MURNEY That? Lady drivers, what do you expect. No, it's not that -- it's the boy... SHANE Red two? I mean Todd? Claire nods. Shane gives Zoe a look. Zoe shrugs. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to                   return... but -- I'm a bit concerned, and I'm not sure what to do... SHANE Has he been skipping class? PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well -- yes. He does always miss sixth period. But this...         Murney calls into the hallway. Todd enters. Shane stops, in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off, he now has a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT, giving him a "skinhead" look. 61.                                MURNEY This is how he showed up to practice. And that's not all. I was doing a little re- con in his locker... and I found this: Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it. It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. Shane scowls. MURNEY (CONT'D)                   If he'd had Hustler or something, boys will be boys -- but this is just sick. SHANE He's not a NAZI. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE It's certainly not normal. (pulls Shane aside.) See if you can talk to the boy. Find out what's going on. Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought. Todd and Zoe stand to go, and Shane walks them out. The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled, stretching. They snicker and shake their heads at Todd, as he passes. Shane walks the kids out, and Murney chases after him. MURNEY hope you won't go light on him -- that whole family's no good, if you ask me. SHANE I'll talk to him. MURNEY You're a good man, Shane. Bet you're a                   hell of a fighter on the mats, huh? (Shane ignores him, and keeps                           walking.) Maybe sometime we oughta strap up, we'll                   give these boys a treat. He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -- who flinches like Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. Murney laughs. SHANE Another time, maybe... MURNEY It's a date then. I'll show you a couple moves. I promise I won't hurt you. 62.         Shane walks away. Without warning, Murney lets out a Kung Fu SCREAM, and leaps at Shane, kicking him in the BACK, Shane trips forwards to his knees. Murney tells his team: MURNEY (CONT'D)                   See that? You never know when your adversary is going to strike! SHANE Did you kick me in the back? Is there a                   footprint on my jacket? Shane dusts off his back, and leaves. MURNEY Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy! Shane turns back. It looks like Shane might fight, but instead he takes a deep breath, and leaves. Murney shakes his head, and snickers to his Team. EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - A LITTLE LATER The minivan pulls up, with Shane and all the Plummers piled in. Shane parks, Todd runs towards the house. Shane holds Todd back by the arm. SHANE Wait Todd, I want to talk to you...          odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house. INT. TODD'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS Shane knocks on Todd's door. Nothing. He enters. The window is wide open, Shane checks his window alarm -- there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it, keeping the contact, so the alarm didn't go off. SHANE Smart kid. Shane looks out the window -- far down the block, he can see Todd, running around the corner. Shane hops out the window. He sees Zoe, peering out her window. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Zoe, you're in charge. If anyone gets within forty clicks of the perimeter, signal me. Keep all doors sealed, do your homework, preheat the oven, and make sure Lulu brushes her teeth! 63.         He starts to shut the window, but the Duck leaps up on          the sill. SHANE (CONT'D)                   You want in or out? The Duck leaps out. Shane screws the window shut. On the corner, Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS. Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. It's         pink, with a flowered basket. It's small for him, but he         hops on and pedals furiously after the bus. EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough. EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He         stashes the bike behind a mailbox... Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse, Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're         dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head inside. Shane follows them, stealthily. INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up         with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in         a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth. MAN Alright. All my Nazis are finally here. Okay, I want all of you at attention. The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified... MAN (CONT'D)                   And on stage left - (he yells) VON TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps! hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR. 64.                                DIRECTOR Okeydokey. Starting from where we left off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole... Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An         ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably well: TODD You wait little girl, on an empty stage/for fate to turn the light on/your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... ACTRESS/LIESL To write on... TODD You are sixteen, going on seventeen...         Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for the first time ever...         Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He         attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He         looks up, to heaven: DIRECTOR Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable evil that I deserve to be saddled with the world's worst production of Sound of                   Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open in a week. The set's not finished... The cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig himself out of the earth, so he could have a heart attack again. TODD I'm sorry... I'll get it right. DIRECTOR None of you will ever get it right! Which is why, I quit. He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned. DIRECTOR (CONT'D)                   And with that, he exits stage right...                    end scene. 65.         And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff. The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming. Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified. Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi. LIESL You gonna fix him? SHANE No. My hands are freezing. Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS it, and yanks him to his feet. TODD I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting... SHANE AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you listen, just once? Look, I don't know a                   hell of a lot about this kinda stuff, but... You're good. A lot to learn, but with hard work, discipline -- you could make a go of this. TODD ... but what about Murney? SHANE That guy's an idiot. Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the stage. SHANE (CONT'D)                   "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad took me to see it when I was a kid. Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes. TODD You don't seem like the musical type. SHANE Come on. Julie Andrews was hot. TODD What if... girls'll think I'm... weird or                   something? 66.                                SHANE You know what girls think is weird? Wrestling. Men in leotards pinning each other to the floor? I've never understood that. Chicks dig guys who can dance. TODD Doesn't matter now anyway... show's                   off... it's over. Shane looks at the Cast, they look pretty glum as they pack up their costumes. Todd looks devastated -- only a         moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. Shane straightens up, grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. BEAT. SHANE COMPANY -- CENTER STAGE! Everyone looks around, they're not sure what to do... off Shane's glare, they quickly assemble on stage. SHANE (CONT'D)                   DO YOU, OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL? There's some mumbling. Liesl chimes in. LIESL We don't have a director...         Shane shakes his head. SHANE No director? I have directed rescue missions in Afghanistan! I've directed numerous snatch and grabs in countries who's names you are not allowed to know. I have choreographed multi-pronged amphibious landings and stealth air attacks! (full of bravado) Do you think I have the stomach to whip this production into shape, or not? Everyone nods... Todd looks up at Shane. He smiles. TODD Yes. SHANE YES WHAT? 67.                                TODD/CAST YESSIR. INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - LATER Shane's patrolling the hallway. He hears Zoe in her room, BREAKING something, angrily. He peeks in -- just as         Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall, furious. SHANE ... What's up? ZOE (embarrassed) Nothing... It's stupid... Scott. I called him in his room, another girl picked up                   the phone. I know it's no big deal. I                   don't know why I let it get to me. SHANE I don't see what you see in this guy. ZOE It's just nice to think someone's                   thinking about you, you know? S                                SHANE (He nods) It won't happen again. ZOE ... No wait! ...What are you gonna do? You're not gonna hurt him are you? Promise you won't touch him. SHANE Okay. I promise. I won't touch him. Shane exits. He turns out the light. INT. LULU'S ROOM - LATER Shane tucks Lulu into bed. ULU Tell me a story. Shane looks at her surprised. He sits on the bed...         Stumped. Then he starts: SHANE Okay. Let's see. Once there was a family of Elves. (MORE) T                                S                                 L                                                                 68. SHANE(CONT'D)                   One day, the little Elf family -- Uh. Went into the magic forest. To find a                   secret gnome... facility, where gnomes where turning mushrooms into... Uranium. The elves had to go in and take it out. ULU Why? SHANE They were ordered to. By the Elf Unit commander at Elf station bravo. So -- they waited for cloud cover, and they came in from the north... As Shane finishes the story, he illustrates, setting up         the scene with DOLLS, on Lulu's floor. SHANE (CONT'D)                   The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -- so                    three elves formed a base leg and laid down a heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes while the others maneuvered around to the right flank and walked through finishing off anything left alive... I                   mean standing... D                                                        ISSOLVE TO: AN HOUR LATER: Shane's really into the story. Lulu's fallen asleep. Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes: SHANE (CONT'D)                   ... And not one Elf got left behind that day. We got `em all. Even, the teeniest little elf of all -- Rodriquez. Then, from across the hall, Peter WAILS. Todd pops his head in the door. ODD You have to do the Panda Dance... or he                   won't stop. SHANE Oh, c'mon... I can't remember that thing. TODD I'll write it down for you...         The wails get louder and LOUDER... S                                                                  69. INT. NURSERY - CONTINUOUS Tyler's asleep. Shane sighs, and whispers to Peter, reading from Todd's notes: SHANE When you're down and low, lower than the floor. And you ain't got a chance. Don't                   make a move `til you're in the groove, and do the Panda Dance...         Peter starts bawling. Shane doesn't know what's wrong. Todd calls from the doorway... TODD You have to do the dance. Like dad used to do. He made it up for him. Shane sighs. He sings again, mortified. He does the dance as he sings... Shane hops forward three times. S                                SHANE Just hop three times like a kangaroo -- Sidestep twice, just like the crabs do. Peter applauds. Humiliated, Shane crab-walks sideways. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Take three steps forward and one step back... (He does.) EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - MORNING - THE NEXT DAY As Mr. Chun gets his paper, Shane, (Tyler in the         snuggle), hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into the minivan. Shane turns and catches Mr. Chun, staring. SHANE What are you looking at? INT. GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER Todd sits in the back of the Minivan, listening to Sound of Music on his Walkman, Lulu is next to him, with her Gameboy, Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Shane climbs into the PASSENGER SEAT. Zoe realizes he's staring at her, through the mirror. SHANE Today you drive. T                   A                                                                   70. The Kids sit bolt upright. They turn to Zoe, terrified. She gets out in shock, and gets in the driver's seat. The other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly. ZOE But -- I can't even pass driver's Ed. SHANE Exactly. ZOE Have you given a driving lesson before? SHANE N                    ot in a car, no... but it's a lot like a Bradley Assault Vehicle. TODD Especially when Zoe's driving. The Kids share a dubious look. Zoe backs jerkily out. INT. MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Zoe is super-tense as they drive. Shane is nervous, but trying not to show it. Lulu and Todd are terrified. SHANE Do you know what causes most accidents? ttention span. The most important thing is that you keep an absolute focus on...         Zoe's looking RIGHT at him, not the road. SHANE (CONT'D)                   THE ROAD! Don't look at me... ZOE What?!? he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light, just as a         semi SCREAMS through the intersection. Shane is shaky. ZOE (CONT'D)                   You wanna drive? SHANE No. Keep going. I trust you. Zoe is surprised. Touched. She pulls out, jerkily. S                                P                                                                   71. EXT. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL - LATER Zoe pulls to the curb, almost tapping a bus's rear fender. Shane unclenches his teeth. SHANE Good. Next lesson, 1500 hours. Zoe smiles. And the other Kids all bolt from the car, terrified. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground. ZOE Ha ha ha. Very funny. T          hey head into the school. Shane spots something. ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend), with a         few FRIENDS, laughing, being obnoxious. Shane jumps out of the car. Before Scott knows what's happened, Shane's         LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. Scott's terrified. SHANE I know 437 ways to hurt a man without touching him. Broken promises lead to                   broken legs. Do we understand each other? Scott nods, trembling. Shane lets him down and heads into school. INT. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL, CAFETERIA - LUNCHTIME Shane (Peter in lap, Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on         the Kids at their tables. KIDS boisterously run past. Suddenly -- Claire BARKS out. RINCIPAL CLAIRE CHILDREN... STOP RUNNING!! The kids instantly freeze. Claire strides into view. She's wearing a cute dress, and a little make-up. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D)                          (a long, severe stare) Now... WALK! DOUBLE TIME. Chastened, the kids gulp and orderly march away. Shane's         eyes alight, impressed. SHANE Wow. I'm glad I never had you for a CO.                                S          T                                 P                                                                72. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (she coyly smiles) I've noticed improvement in your troops lately, too. Noon and none of them have been called to my office. It's a miracle. S          he sits beside him, and offers him a milk. RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D)                   Buy you a drink, sailor? SHANE Thanks. hey eat in silence. Shane`s not so good at small talk. She's waiting for him to say... something. SHANE (CONT'D)                   You look nice today. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE This old thing? Well, you never know who you're going to run into. She smiles. He smiles back... Suddenly, there's a         commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them, dragging him by the ear. Principal Claire sighs "not again." In         one move, Shane leaps over the table. Principal Claire watches him leap: PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D)                   ... Love it when he does that. Murney shoves Todd forward. MURNEY I've had it. I just caught this boy dancing under the bleachers like some kind of Bavarian fruitcake. Murney gets up in Shane's face. MURNEY (CONT'D)                   I want this freak outta my school and into treatment. Somebody needs to give this punk a talking to... TODD Hey. I'm right here. Talk. E          veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. A hushed whisper goes through the cafeteria. Murney turns around. M                                                                  73. MURNEY You got something to say? Boy? TODD Yeah. Yeah I do. I quit, Murney. A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students. MURNEY Winners never quit, boy. What're you so                   scared of, Freak? The Students snicker. Todd looks, intimidated. Then: TODD I am not scared. I... I want to sing. Silence. No one's sure they heard him right. Todd pulls out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out. Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Principal Claire takes one: she laughs, now it all makes sense. TODD (CONT'D)                   I'm in Sound of Music. It opens Friday... MURNEY A musical? You're blowing off wrestling for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what happens when there's no man in the house. TODD There is a man in my house -- me. (Murney                   turns:) Let's get one thing clear. I'm                   not quitting cause I hate wresting. I'm                   quitting because you're a bad coach. You suck. The whole team wants to quit. I'm                   the only one with the guts to do it. M          urney looks over at the Team. They look to the ground sheepishly, Todd's telling the truth. Murney looks around, humiliated, furious -- URNEY So -- you're a tough guy now? Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -- Shane steps between them, protecting him. MURNEY (CONT'D)                   Stay out of this, baby sitter! Murney glares at him -- face to face. So calm, it's scary S                                                                  74. SHANE You said you wanted to wrestle. You win. Let's do it. Everyone is watching. Murney did not expect to be called out. His voice cracks -- then he regains his calm: MURNEY After school. The Gym. Your ass is mine. He storms out. There is a stunned moment -- and then a         mob of Students, and a lot of CUTE GIRLS, swarm Todd, taking flyers. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up. A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other STUDENTS, passing notes: A Kid opens a note -- it reads: "Murney's getting his ass kicked. 3:00." INT. GYM - 3:00 The bleachers are PACKED. Murney struts out onto the mat. The two fighters begin circling one another. The Wrestlers scream for Murney. Todd cheers Shane on. M                                 URNEY on, you're about to enter Murney's house of pain. SHANE I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through. Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. Shane defensively uses Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat. WHAM. Murney lands on his back. The Wrestlers mouths drop. Murney, shocked, climbs to his feet and CHARGES again, Shane side-steps, and sweeps Murney -- sending him right into the wall, hard. Murney bounds to his feet, rushes Shane. Shane DIVES OVER Murney, grabs onto Murney's waist. Shane's momentum pulls Murney backwards -- BAM. Murney's shoulders hit the mat with Shane smiling down on him. Todd flops to the mat, raises his hand and SLAPS it down- TODD Pinned! Shane stands. Shane throws an arm around Todd, and they head out. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney, who's         quietly twitching on the ground, mumbling something. S                                                                    75. TODD (CONT'D)                   Is he okay? SHANE Dislocated nerve, that's all. He'll be                   fine in (checking his watch) two months. TODD That was awesome. They walk out. The crowd cheers. Claire, too. Shane S         smiles at her as he passes. She gives him a thumbs up. SHANE (to Todd) Let's go, Todd. I got my troops waiting. CUT TO: EXT. FOREST - DAY Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST. He wears Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles. SHANE If you're ever lost in the woods, the first thing you have to do is find a                   source of drinking water! And make sure it's potable. If you're not sure, boil it for thirty minutes! The girls are loving it, fascinated. SHANE (CONT'D)                   You have to eat, right? Well let me tell you you're not gonna find Girl Scout cookies out here. LULU We're Brownies. SHANE No brownies  either. A lot of roots are edible. So   is some tree bark. When I                   HALO'd into   Rwanda, I lived off the underground  fern stem for three weeks! Shane kicks over a ROCK. Underneath are crawling BUGS. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Insects. They look nasty but they're full of nutrients that may save your life. 76.         He scoops up some bugs and EATS them. BROWNIE He's eating Roly-Polies! The Brownies are frozen in shock. SHANE (mouth full of bugs:) Wots of pwotien! E         UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE: EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - FRONT LAWN - DAWN Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises. In unison, the Girls PUNCH, KICK. PUNCH, PUNCH, KICK. Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him, in between punches, in perfect tempo, he reaches out and rocks it. The Duck watches all this -- fascinated. EXT. MALL PARKING LOT - EARLY MORNING The lot is empty. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan, Shane holds a stopwatch. He signals her, she burns rubber, and races through a slalom of orange cones -- she hits EVERY ONE -- the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. She skids to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes. INT. NURSERY - DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. In his other hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. It's open to a         page that reads "Knot Tying." INT. OLD FACTORY - DAY The CAST is assembled on stage, where Shane has set up a         scale model of the set on the floor. He illustrates the stage directions, by moving around toy army men: S                                SHANE Okay -- we'll put Von Trapps here, here, and... here at the top of the stairs. Now the Nazis are gonna come in, this way -- and the Von Trapp is set...         He laughs at his own joke... The Kids don't get it. EXT. MALL PARKING LOT - DAY Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. Zoe peels out and weaves the cones... T         I          E                                                                   77. she only clips one, it teeters, but doesn't fall. Shane gives her a signal, she throws it in reverse and drives the course backwards. EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - FRONT LAWN - DAY Lulu, in  her BROWNIE uniform, ties a complicated knot -- we WIDEN  to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his back, as  the Brownie troop watches. He counts "1,2,3..." and then  begins wriggling free. They watch closely. EXT. MALL PARKING LOT - DAY Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard. Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES. EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - BACK YARD - DAY Shane has the Brownies assembled. He's attached SOFA CUSHIONS to himself. The Brownies attack, mercilessly. INT. NURSERY - DAY Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED. Hands a blur. INT. OLD FACTORY - NIGHT Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance. ODD ... your life little girl, is an empty page/that men will want to write on... T          odd tries the spinning kick, but blows it, landing hard. Shane blows a WHISTLE. SHANE Why don't we just let the Nazis win tonight -- huh? Now. From the top -- think of yourself as a gazelle prancing over the plains. Graceful. Todd tries the kick. THUD! Shane BLOWS the whistle. SHANE (CONT'D)                     Gazelle. Prancing. Graceful. Again. INT. NURSERY - NIGHT At the end of Peter's crib, Shane performs the "Panda         Dance." Singing and doing all the moves -- he's got it         down, adding a James Brown flourish, now and then. U                                                                78. SHANE Don't touch that dial sleep for a while -- HEAAAY! And say good night, Peter Panda. He does a spin kick. Then he tucks Peter in. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Good night, Peter. PETER (going to sleep) Good night, daddy. Shane is so touched, he almost bursts into tears. He         kisses Peter on the forehead. SHANE I'm not your daddy, Peter. But sweet dreams. MONTAGE ENDS EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - EVENING The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door. Across the lot, the Chubby Cub Scouts, at their own table, see them. The Scouts head towards the Brownies. U                                 GLY CUB SCOUT Hey Skeever, what's in a Girl Scout's                   pants when she has diarrhea? 2ND SCOUT Brown... He stops short, the Brownies have moved into a FORMATION, ready to strike, Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) scary. LULU Go away and we won't hurt you. The Scouts share a look -- they LAUGH. The head Scout steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. In one move, she spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief. GLY CUB SCOUT Gimme that! He grabs the neckerchief, but like lightning, she wraps it around his arm, tying him. She shoves a cookie in his mouth. 79.                                LULU Uh oh. You're gonna have to pay for that. The Scout struggles, the Other Scouts are scared. UGLY CUB SCOUT Let go! Let go -- MOMMY! She lets him go -- in a FLIP, he lands on the ground hard. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move forward in unison, striking a cool pose. INT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - CONTINUOUS Shane shops, wearing the double snuggle. As he's         comparing prices -- he sees, on the security monitor: The Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. He smiles, proud. S                                SHANE That's my troop. EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase." LULU From now on, you do things our way -- no                   highway option! The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look, then LAUGHS. INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH. BROWNIES I don't care what has been said, Brownies rock! Full speed ahead! Give me guff, I'm in your face! Brownies rule the human race! SHANE Sound off! BROWNIES One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR! INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids: N                                                                 80. - LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep. - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it         open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look: TODD West Side Story auditions in two weeks... Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro. SHANE It's all in the wrist... He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN         BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on...         EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches. ZOE Don't worry. I'm not gonna jump. SHANE What's wrong... Scott? ZOE o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you did, but he's really straightened up. Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been in love like this before. Shane nods. SHANE How long you been together? ZOE A month... SHANE That's longer than any relationship I've                   ever had. ZOE You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to                   anyone giving me the benefit of the doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he                   was never here... Z                                  Z                                   S                                                                 81. SHANE (interrupts her, stern:) Hey. Your father cared about you very deeply. He told me you were the greatest things in his life. That what's bothering you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if                   you want. Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her. ZOE I miss him so much...         Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket. SHANE This was my dad's. He was the only family I ever had. Mom left when I was little, cause dad was always gone. Two years in... an indisclosable locale. Another six in... Another indisclosable locale. I                   didn't really have a home, so I went to                    military school -- then one day my mom got the letter. No more dad. He looks at the Medal. SHANE (CONT'D)                   I always wanted to be just like him. I'm                   starting to realize, I never really knew him. I don't know if I'm like him or not. ZOE That's horrible, Shane. SHANE The hardest part was living without any details...why? How? Where? I always wondered if he thought about me. OE                   Me too. So how did you get through it? SHANE You could say I just shut down my                   emotions. I turned off all feelings and dedicated myself to becoming the perfect soldier. OE                   I never even got to say good bye. J                                                                 82. A tear runs down Zoe's face. She throws her arms around Shane. The phone rings. Shane answers it. INTERCUT WITH: J         INT. HOTEL - CONTINUOUS ulie's on the other end. JULIE The red tape is cleared up, we're on the first plane in the morning. INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER Zoe runs down the hall, telling the family: ZOE Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home! Everyone wakes up, happy, sleepy! TODD When? ZOE Tomorrow morning! PETER Mama! Excited, the kids are all abuzz, talking excitedly. ANGLE - SHANE He's left alone. EXT. BACK YARD - LATE NIGHT The house is dark. Shane sits in a lawn chair, scoping the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Gary sits in the next chair. Shane sighs morosely. SHANE Just another assignment. No reason for personal attachments. Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. He pets the Duck. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Hey Gary, your wings aren't clipped. How come you don't fly away? (pause) (MORE) T                                 S          S                                  S          T                                                                  83. SHANE(CONT'D)                   I guess you've got it good. Kids to play with. Three squares a day. he Duck stares, unblinking. SHANE (CONT'D)                   All quiet on the western front. I guess I                   better fix that Playroom window. S          hane rises. INT. GARAGE - NIGHT hane turns the light on. Gary follows Shane as he looks for tool. Suddenly, the Duck starts quacking... Shane turns. Gary's foot is caught in a grate. SHANE What happened, Gary? Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries Gary's foot from the grate. Shane is about to stand when something below catches his eye. Shane pulls out a pen flashlight, shines it down the grate... we see a CRANK WHEEL. SHANE (CONT'D)                   What do you suppose this is? Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. Shane grips the valve and tries turning it. Nothing. He tries harder, muscles rippling, and then it gives... The wheel spins. he floor opens, revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE, leading below the garage. Shane steps down it...         INT. BOTTOM OF STAIRS - CONTINUOUS There's a small room, and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR. It's solid and inscrutable. No hinges or cracks. The only break in its surface is a strange, TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE. Shane looks on stunned... DISSOLVE TO: INT. GARAGE - MORNING Shane's at the Steel Door. He has high-tech tools laid out in front of him. He's been trying, unsuccessfully, to         crack the lock all night. The Kids are watching his progress, Lulu hands him a tool. Shane dials a phone. INTERCUT: B                                 S                                                                  84. EXT. SEDAN - MOVING We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill at the wheel. Julie sits beside him. Bill's cell phone rings, he answers it. SHANE Sir! Excellent news. I think I found GHOST. Bill reacts, excited. BILL ... Do you have it? SHANE No. It's in a steel vault. I've been trying all night, can't crack it, sir.                                 ILL (remaining calm) Good! Good work. Okay, don't do                   anything further. We'll be there shortly -- don't do anything `til I get there. BACK TO: INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS Shane smiles, pleased, and hangs up. Then we slowly MOVE UP. Away from Shane... towards the neighbor's house. W          e PUSH INTO the house. Through a window... revealing the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Silently spying on Shane. An ominous pause. MRS. CHUN GHOST. CUT TO: INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS SHANE One things for sure. After we turn this in to my CO, whoever's been bothering you guys won't be bothering you anymore. Everyone reacts happily, relieved. Except for -- Lulu. She looks stricken. SHANE (CONT'D)                   What's wrong, Lulu? You should be happy. I                                                                  85. LULU But, Shane -- does that mean you'll have to go? CLOSE-UP - SHANE He goes silent. Tongue-tied, he has no answer. SHANE You guys better get ready. Your mom should be home soon. CUT TO: EXT. HOUSE - DAY Bill's Sedan pulls up. Julie and Bill hop out. INT. JULIE'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER Julie opens the door, comes into the dark hall. Bill is         carrying her suitcases. JULIE I had a fight with Zoe when I left, so                   they probably trashed the place...          She trails off... BILL What's wrong? They listen -- they hear, in the next room, Kids singing a beautiful, a capella version of The Hills are Alive (with The Sound of Music). She turns on the lights -- what she sees makes her drop her luggage, in shock. J         JULIE'S P.O.V.: The house is spotless. The rug is         vacuumed. The fish tank is clear, filled with healthy TROPICAL FISH. KIDS VOICES (singing, a capella) ... with songs they have sung, for a                   thousand years...          Dumb-struck, Julie goes to the...          INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS The kitchen is sparkling clean, no dishes in the sink. She sees, attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer for Sound of Music, featuring Todd. (                                  B                                                                 86.          JULIE almost faints. Bill steadies her. She staggers          to...          INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS          Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign:          WELCOME HOME, MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The          Sound of Music stops.          Zoe is in a conservative dress, Todd a button down and          khakis: barely recognizable. Lulu has bows in her hair.          Peter is fresh faced, smiling, Tyler is asleep: a picture-          perfect family.                                 ZOE                    Welcome home, mom.          Julie starts bawling. The Kids rush forward and hug her.          Across the room, Shane sees Bill enter. Shane stiffens          and salutes proudly.   S                                   SHANE Captain. BILL (he smiles wryly, then                           salutes back) Good job, Lieutenant. INT. GARAGE - DAY Shane leads Bill inside. Bill holds the pronged key. ILL I'm really proud of you, Shane. I'm                   giving you your choice of assignment, anywhere you want. You just name it. SHANE That's kind of you, Sir... pause)                   But I'll have to think about it.          Bill stops, surprised.   Shane continues, a bit reluctant.                                 SHANE (CONT'D)                    Sir, all I've never known is the                    military. At nine years old my father                    put me in cadet school and from there I                    never looked back. Don't get me wrong, I                    wouldn't trade it for anything and I have                    no regrets...          S                                   S                                                                    87.                                 BILL                    I should hope not.                                 SHANE                    But being with these kids has made me                    feel like there's more to life than                    taking out your enemy. And I think I                   want to explore that some more. Suddenly, an ANGRY VOICE. MAN'S VOICE PUT YOUR HANDS UP!! WIDE Shane and Bill spin, startled. The CHUNS strides up, GUNS DRAWN. MRS. CHUN Give US THE KEY! SHANE Mr. and Mrs. Chun? They checked out- KOREAN MAN H                       ands up! Compliant, Shane puts his hands behind his head. He         takes a submissive position... Mrs. Chun comes closer, reaching for Bill's key... Shane shoots Bill a glance... SHANE NOW! Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans' forearms, while SLAMMING their heads together. hane takes control! He smiles, relishing a second of         glory -- when suddenly, CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in         the head. CLOSE-UP - SHANE Lights out. He turns, startled, and starts to fall. Disoriented, confused, he looks up as he drops... SHANE'S POV He is losing consciousness. Things are spinning... woozy. B                                                                       88. KOREAN MAN (arguing with Bill) You promised us GHOST months ago! BILL I'm sorry, Mr. Chun. There were delays...         Shane peers in confusion, then passes out. FADE TO BLACK. FADE IN: INT. NURSERY - MOMENTS LATER Julie and the Kids are on the floor, tied up. Peter and Tyler are caged in the play pen. Peter has a JUICE BOX. The Korean Man (Mr. Chun) secures the room, closing the window shades. Bill checks the knots binding the children. They whimper, scared. L                                   ULU SHANE!! BILL He won't be baby-sitting you anymore. He GAGS the kids. Julie glares, livid. JULIE I trusted you. Charles trusted you. So                    did the Department of Defense. ILL North Korea pays better. (to Mr. Chun) Keep an eye on them. You -- with me. Bill GAGS Julie. The Kids are furious. Bill and Mrs. Chun exit. INT. GARAGE - DAY Shane lies unconscious. Bill and Mrs. Chun approach the steel door. Bill inserts the two-pronged key... and it         CLICKS. The door HUMS, then slides OPEN! Inside is a dark corridor. Bill grins. They enter...         INT. SECRET VAULT Light is at the end. They anxiously tiptoe, reaching...                                                                89. THE VAULT! Spare, bright and white. The floor is         covered with square tiles. At the far end is a LARGE ELEVATED SAFE. Beside the safe is a red switch, with two settings: ARMED and DISARMED. It's set on ARMED. The air is filled with an ominous, low-pitched HUM, like a         monstrous computer. Bill eyes the safe. BILL You bring your stethoscope? MRS. CHUN No. But I've got some C4. She confidently strides toward the safe -- which sets off hidden flame-throwers in the walls. A jet blast of FLAME shoots out! She leaps back just in time, but the shoulder of her jacket is on fire. Bill pats out the flames with his own jacket. Chun is Bokay, just missing BOTH eyebrows. ILL Charles never made things easy. Mrs. Chun's eyebrows are neatly, completely SINGED OFF. MRS. CHUN Just... had eyebrows... done. INT. HOUSE - SAME TIME Mr. Chun guards the kids, eyeballing them icily. Lulu "looks" scared. But behind her back, we reveal her HANDS untying her ropes! Freed, she hits her panic button! O.S., BEEPING. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's         coming! A beat... then Mr. Chun pulls the Tracker from his pocket. He sneers. MR. CHUN Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me. Lulu frowns, then leans back against Zoe. With a rapid blur of finger-work, she unties Zoe! Then -- needing a         distraction, she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes. Tyler GASPS, horrified -- and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT. Chun spins, startled -- and Lulu quickly ROLLS across the room! She lands against Todd, quickly assuming a fake bound position, as if she hadn't moved. Mr. Chun whirls -- the Kids look innocent. Mr. Chun is         confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other one?" I         W                                   Z                                                                   90. BEHIND TODD - Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes -- it's gonna be close...         Chun scowls. Skeptical, he steps closer... He leans down to look at Todd's ropes Z-- OE                   Now Peter! Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Chun's face. The Kids use the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet, then LEAPS into his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Chun's head. OE (CONT'D)                   Let's GO! All the kids bounce up. They untie Julie, then scoop up         Peter and Tyler. Mr. Chun growls and starts to stagger up. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out: LULU Hi ya! The other Kids take off, Mr. Chun looks at Lulu. Mr.         Chun laughs: MR. CHUN That's cute. HAM without warning, Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Chun's leg, he         drops to his knees in pain, then, when he's at her level, she KICKS him right in the nuts. It HURTS. Mr. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist, but Lulu EVADES with her cool, snake-like move. Lulu runs, slamming the door behind her. Mr. Chun gets up and turns the doorknob, but the door won't budge...         INT. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY - CONTINUOUS Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite wall, they're trapped inside. INT. NURSERY - CONTINUOUS Mr. Chun punches the door, making a small hole. He         reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite reach. He puts his face up to the hole he's made... I         INT. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY - CONTINUOUS Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs. Chun's face. M         E                                    M                                                                  91. INT. NURSERY - CONTINUOUS Mr. Chun falls back from the door, his face COATED in         white. He yells out furious! MR. CHUN That stuff doesn't hurt. He sticks his face out the hole... DONNGGG -- Todd hits him square in the face with the fire extinguisher ITSELF. EXT. FRONT DOOR - SAME TIME The family comes scrambling out -- but as Julie exits, a         HAND suddenly GRABS her. JULIE AGGGH! She SCREAMS. Bill lurches into view, clutching her! The kids are horrified. They start to run back, but she urgently gestures -- JULIE (CONT'D)                   Keep going! RUN! Go GET HELP!!! The kids fret, unsure, then nod and run to the side garage. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan. ZOE/TODD Hurry! C'mon! Buckle up!! INT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Bill pulls Julie inside. Mrs. Chun listens to Mr. Chun ON         THE RADIO, speaking in Korean: RS. CHUN They're headed for the car! BILL Relax -- I've got the keys, they're not going anywhere...         INT. MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. She floors it...         EXT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS r. Chun comes racing around the house -- as SCREEEECH! The van suddenly FLOORS out, almost clipping him! Z                                   Z                                                                 92. MR. CHUN ARGHH! Chun falls, as the van PEELS backwards down the driveway, and 360's. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away. Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them. INT. VAN - CONTINUOUS Zoe floors it. OE                   Omigod! What are we doing??! TODD Let's look for a cop! WIDE The sedan GUNS its engine, gaining on them. oe runs a yellow. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE. WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM, as they sail through the intersection! The sedan keeps chasing. INT. GARAGE - SAME TIME Bill has Julie at gunpoint, leading her to the secret door. They step past Shane's body, lying on the concrete. BILL How does it work? JULIE How does what work? BILL Don't play dumb. It's getting old. I want to know how to get through the booby traps. What's the code? JULIE I don't know any code -- Charles didn't                   tell me about the room... BILL If I knew Charles had hidden it so well, I wouldn't have killed him so soon. Don't                   make me kill you too. Julie GASPS, chilled. Then, a CRACKLING of static. Mrs. Chun exits the vault, holding a military RADIO. B                                                                  93. MRS. CHUN Mr. Bill, my husband has question: MR. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE) I have a clean shot at their tires. It's                                B                    risky, they might wreck... ILL ... Do it. JULIE NO! Julie goes frantic, emotional. SHANE (O.S.) Bill, don't hurt the kids. Surprised, everyone looks down. ANGLE - SHANE They look over -- Shane is standing in the doorway. SHANE (CONT'D)                   I know the code. I'll get you in... just please don't hurt anyone. ill eyes him. The men stare down, Bill deciding if he         can trust him. Then -- he clicks "talk" on the radio. BILL Change of plan. Bring them back unharmed. Bill uncuffs Shane. EXT. BUSY STREET - DAY The vehicles race, Chun just inches from the kids' tail. He tries to pass them on the right. It's like a chariot race, Chun zooming by, half on the sidewalk, to cut them off! INT. MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Todd scrambles into the back seat. He does something we         can't see, as Zoe drives. ZOE What's taking you? 94.                                   TODD Don't wait for me! The sedan pulls up beside them. Zoe makes a very lewd gesture at him. It throws Mr. Chun off for a beat. TODD (CONT'D)                      Now! Zoe floors it, Mr. Chun is now face to face with Todd -- who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Mr. Chun swerves and almost wrecks. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. Chun with debris: milk cartons, crayons, orange peels. M                                         R. CHUN Aah! HEY -- Rubbish clobbers him. Exasperated, Mr. Chun ROLLS UP his window, then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass...         Zoe looks over. Chun is pointing a gun! She suddenly PULLS the emergency brake. WIDE RRRRRRRR!! The Van SPINS into a squealing 360. Mr. Chun SCREAMS, disoriented, and loses control. In the van, Peter laughs. PETER Wheee! The Van spins madly. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a         store window. CRASH!! The kids cheer, triumphant. INT. SECRET VAULT - MOMENTS LATER Shane scopes out the vault. The walls and ceilings are covered with high-tech weaponry. Mrs. Chun holds Julie. Bill waits impatiently. Shane is figuring his options... SHANE Anybody got any perfume? Hair spray...                      breath freshener... A bewildered beat -- then Julie pulls out a tube of         Binaca. Shane SQUIRTS it, revealing in the mist a myriad of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS. Shane steps forward. He speaks aloud, confidently: J         B                                  B                                                                95. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Zoe, Todd, Lulu, Peter, Tyler! Bill reacts, puzzled. SHANE (CONT'D)                   The key is the kid's names. Watch. Shane steps forward - ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM, sending him flying backwards. Bill laughs. Shane gets up, in pain. ILL You think this is a game?! S                                SHANE But... That was the code! I swear! I saw Plummer use it on his briefcase. BILL Code or no code, go get it -- now. ill cocks his gun. Sweat drips down Shane's face. He         mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward, over one beam and ducking under another -- he miscalculates: a         BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow torch, Shane leaps back, landing on his hands and knees. JULIE (to Bill) You can't make him do this -- He doesn't have a chance. CLOSE-UP - SHANE Shane's thinks. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor, not quite centered to the room. He feels the Groove. Something she said... SHANE (thinking) Haven't got a chance. Shane feels the Groove in the floor. He thinks. He looks up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor). SHANE (CONT'D)                          (sings softly to himself) ... When you're down and low, lower than the floor. And you haven't got a chance. Don't make a move `til you're in the groove, and do the Peter Panda Dance. E                                                               96. Shane LAUGHS sharply. That's the code! He shares a look with Julie. Bill and Julie share a look -- they have no         idea what he's laughing about. Calmness comes to Shane's face. He takes a deep breath, S         facing forwards: SHANE (CONT'D)                   Just hop three times like a kangaroo -- He hops forwards three times, fearlessly. NOTHING HAPPENS. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off. SHANE (CONT'D)                   Sidestep twice, just like the crabs do. He steps sideway, across two tiles. Again -- NOTHING HAPPENS. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. Julie smiles, relieved. Shane he steps forwards, then back: SHANE (CONT'D)                   Three steps forward and one step back. When he steps back -- A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down from the ceiling, imbedding itself where he was standing. Shane is rattled, his focus gone. Until Julie shouts: JULIE QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK! Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -- just in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. If         he'd been standing, he'd be toast. EXT. BUSY INTERSECTION - SIMULTANEOUS The Minivan blasts through another yellow. LULU Look out Zoe! Rollers! There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them. Zoe blows past it. Inside is the Cute Cop. The Squad Car's lights flash on, and he catches up with the minivan -- it takes a while, they're FLYING. ZOE Come on. Use the gas, not the brake, 5-0. Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her. The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe. 97.                                CUTE COP I'd say you could lose your license -- but you haven't got one! ZOE People are trying to kill us. They have my mom, and our bodyguard -- you have to                   follow me! CUTE COP Just pull over! ZOE Fine. Don't follow me! She swerves into the Squad Car, almost running it off the road. Zoe U-turns, and speeds back towards her house. The Squad Car turns around and chases her. EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - MOMENTS LATER The Minivan speeds by. The Squad Car is on its tail. It         is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. Following the chase, at a         safe distance, is Mr. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan. EXT. SCHOOL - SAME TIME Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME. He's in a         NECK-BRACE. MURNEY That Baloney Bandit struck again. I                   accept full responsibility. My                   intelligence proved to be faulty, but if                    I had more resources...          She shakes her head, Suddenly, the Minivan SPEEDS by. VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. VROOOM!! Then -- FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. VROOOOOOM!!! MURNEY (CONT'D)                          (not that surprised:) I told you not to pass her in Driver's                   Ed. Claire frowns, concerned...         INT. PLUMMER BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS Shane is on the floor, sliding forward, nervously. 98.                                SHANE Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no                   more. Then better jump quick, like there ain't no floor. Shane jumps up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY, revealing a pool of liquid. Shane has wedged himself in         the corner. A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid, and sizzles in a cloud of smoke. It's acid. SHANE (CONT'D)                          (to himself, to calm down) Almost done, almost done... "Just hold                   your breath, and jump to the left." He jumps, to the left of the HOLE. He lands in front of         THE SAFE. He's relieved -- then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS at him. He holds his breath just in time. Still holding his breath: SHANE (CONT'D)                   And that's the Peter Panda Dance. He flips the switch to DISARMED. The safe's red light turns green. Immediately, the flamethrowers and blowguns retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. The whole room goes SILENT. Whew. Bill looks around. He nervously steps forward - he waves his hand over the floor, and jumps back. Nothing happens. Bill signals for Mrs. Chun to go first. She gestures back: you go. It's a stand-off. Finally, Bill takes a         breath -- and walks across the room. The Booby Traps are disarmed. Mrs. Chun follows, pulling Julie along. BILL Thank you, Shane. You were always my best man. I knew you'd figure it out. Shane scowls, disgusted. BILL (CONT'D)                   You know, if you're willing to join up, I'd be happy to cut you in on the proceeds. What do you say -- we make a                   good team? SHANE I was devoted to you, sir. And you betrayed all of that. All that we stand for. 99.         Beat. Bill shrugs. BILL I'll take that as a "no." Bill turns to the safe. He starts to reach for the dial... then catches himself. Something's not right. BILL (CONT'D)                    ... I think you better open it. Shane reaches for the safe, before he reaches the dial -- BILL (CONT'D)                    Wait. That's just what you want isn't it? Bill thinks, trying to read Shane's poker face. Shane shrugs. Bill gestures to Mrs. Chun. BILL (CONT'D)                    You open it. Mrs. Chun doesn't budge. BILL (CONT'D)                    Oh come on. I walked the floor first. Reluctantly - Mrs. Chun reaches out, and touches the dial. Nothing happens. Relief. She turns it, and ZAPPPPP! 1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her, her hair on end, shaking from the voltage...         Bill is off guard, Shane kicks his gun away! The gun skids into the acid and plunges, SIZZLING. Bill is         incensed, but Shane gazes coldly. SHANE There will be no mercy. BILL None requested. Full of himself, Bill LUNGES. And he's strong! He         shoves Shane back, then PUNCHES him in the gut. Shane glares, then returns an onslaught of BLOWS. Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks, hitting Bill's arms, head, legs! He's crazed, unrelenting. But suddenly Mrs. Chun LEAPS onto his back. MRS. CHUN AAAAAA! 100.         She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. Shane struggles to         lose her. Suddenly, he drops and FLIPS her. She catapults, stumbles backwards across the room, and stops just inches from the acid! She teeters, tottering, unable to gain her balance. Shane shakes his head, then runs to grab her outstretched hand. She smiles, saved. But he's unforgiving. SHANE You're a... terrible neighbor. Shane COLD-COCKS her, knocking her out. Suddenly -- JULIE Shane! Watch out! Bill is charging him. Shane whirls, delivering a         ROUNDHOUSE KICK. OOF! Bill gets slammed in the chest. Bill tumbles, the wind knocked out of him. He jumps to         his feet, delivering a series of hard punches, which Shane deflects -- they tangle like pro's. It's clear the both have the same training. They punch, spin, kick, connecting only occasionally. Bill wheels around and lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. Shane tumbles, landing on his back in front of the safe. ANGLE - BILL He steps over Shane. Leering mercilessly, he jabs the spike against Shane's throat. BILL Any last words? Julie gasps. Shane narrows his eyes, then whispers/sings. SHANE ... Say, good night, Peter Panda! The CODE! A BELL rings, and the safe door flies open! SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and drops. K.O.! EXT. PLUMMER'S STREET - SAME TIME The minivan races toward the house. The Police Cars chase after, SIRENS wailing. IN THE VAN, everyone is SCREAMING. 101.                                TODD Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not gonna have enough time to stop- ZOE Hey, I'M the one in Driver's Ed! I think I know what I'm doing!! WIDE She squeals into the driveway, then BRAKES. But it's too late. The van SKIDS, smoke BURNING from the tires -- and hits a tree. The Kid spill out and run. The lead Police Car screeches to a stop. POLICE leap from the car. INT. SECRET VAULT - SAME TIME Shane and Julie stare at each other, then look in the safe: Inside, the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A         tiny COMPUTER CHIP. Shane gently removes it. SHANE ... GHOST. They look in silence. She smiles at Shane, grateful. JULIE Thank you Shane. It's finally over. Now we can go back to our peaceful... Then -- a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them: ULLHORN (V.O.) FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! EXT. HOUSE - SAME TIME Total commotion. The kids clamber from the van, with their hands raised. Cops surround them. Even Peter and Tyler have their little hands over their heads. The garage door raises, Shane steps out. SHANE Whoa, WHOA! What are you doing to these kids?? CUTE COP FREEZE. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM. 102.         Cops cover Shane and Julie, Julie and Shane Freeze. ZOE But, officer... CUTE COP I said FREEZE. Zoe, you're in a lot of                   trouble... Reckless endangerment! Driving without a license. Numerous, uh... trafficS violations -- SHANE (cutting him off) These kids are heroes. They just aided in exposing a high-level espionage ring. I suggest you call the FBI. Now. Silence. The Cops are unsure what to do. He scoffs. CUTE COP You expect me to believe any of that? Suddenly -- a CRAZED SCREAM. MR. CHUN (O.S.) EVERYBODY! HIT THE GROUND!!! WIDE Everyone spins. Mr. Chun stands inside the gate, pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. He's disheveled and manic. MR. CHUN (CONT'D)                   I WANT THE GHOST, TEN MILLION DOLLARS, AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG! The cops freeze, helpless. Shane weighs his not so many options... Nobody is sure what to do. But then -- a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence, vaults onto Chun, and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Ya!! Claire lands on her feet, triumphant. Even Chun is         amazed, as he turns his head, Shane spins, and grabs the rocket launcher. CLOSE-UP - SHANE He breaks into a big grin. 103.         CLOSE-UP - CLAIRE She proudly smiles back at him. ANGLE - THE CUTE COP He's flummoxed. This chaos is unsolvable. Beaten, he         reaches for his radio. COP I think I'll call the FBI. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - LATER F.B.I. AGENTS swarm the area. Bill and the Chuns are being hauled away in cuffs. Julie huddles with the kids. Shane talks with an F.B.I. Agent. F                                 .B.I. AGENT Mr. Wolfe... that was nice work. You're                   a one-man battalion. SHANE Just doing my job. F.B.I. AGENT The Bureau is always looking for good men. Do you have a card or something? The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD, then walks off. Shane examines it, swelling with pride. INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS The Kids are looking around, watching the FBI Agents work. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around. LULU Do you have to wear that thing in your ear all the time? FBI AGENT Yes. LULU Does it itch? FBI AGENT Yes...                                                                 104. Zoe is looking at the safe. She sees, fallen onto the floor, from the safe, a letter. Her siblings, and Julie notice, and gather around. Zoe reads the LETTER: ZOE If you're reading this, then Julie found the key. Julie, Tyler, Peter, Zoe, Todd, Lulu -- I want to say: I love you more than anything. I always have. A tear comes to her eye. The Plummers hug each other. EXT. THE PLUMMER HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Claire walks up to Shane. Mock-angry. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE So. What happens now? You'll be stationed somewhere else, right? I guess there's no                   more reason for you to stick around here. Shane looks at her. He looks around: at the family. He         looks at Claire.... SHANE Well. I'm kinda, re-conning the situation, here... And to tell the truth. I don't see anything but reasons to stay. P                                 RINCIPAL CLAIRE So... What's the next move? Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close. SHANE ... I don't know. I'm on dry land. You're                   the superior office. You tell me. PRINCIPAL CLAIRE Well. Summer's almost here. What if you and me did a little amphibious recon mission. On, say -- Maui? SHANE Sir yes sir. Claire beams. The Plummers all approach, interrupting. Zoe gives them a look -- that makes Shane and Claire BLUSH. Lulu turns to Shane, sad. LULU This is it. Your work here is through. Guess you have to go now...                                                                 105. She puts out her hand, to shake his. SHANE Ah, come here you. He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -- he hugs the whole family at once, squeezing them off the ground. He puts them down. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe - - his medal. He squeezes her hand around it. ZOE But... SHANE He would've wanted me to give it to                   someone I care about. Like he did. Thank you. For everything. P                                 ETER Love you, Shane. TIGHT - SHANE This is too much. He wipes his face. SHANE Your dad would be so proud. Shane bawls -- he can't keep it in. He starts to head off, Lulu calls after him: LULU Shane, we're never gonna see you again! SHANE What are you talking about? I'm gonna see you Friday night. A long beat. Julie looks up, baffled. JULIE What's Friday night? INT. VICTORIA THEATRE, BACKSTAGE - NIGHT Close on Shane: SHANE Tonight is the night we trained for, and failure is not an option! No detail is                   too small! We are the BEST! Remember your lines, hit your marks, and stay in                   character! I expect perfection! (MORE) 106.                                 SHANE(CONT'D)                           (he grins) Now let's break a leg. Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'. CUT TO: Shane's military-march version of the musical. Nuns sing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp kids perform "So Long, Farewell." In the audience, Julie watches in astonishment. She is         surrounded by her children. Scott: in a suit, his hair combed, Claire: dressed to the nines, the little Brownie Troop, even Murney. Lulu has a basket in her lap -- inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family, the most adorable ducklings you ever saw. They all watch, rapt. You Are Sixteen begins. Shane watches with bated breath. Todd spins. In SLOW MOTION, he leaps into the SPIN KICK. It's fantastic -- a Michael Jordan dunk. The AUDIENCE goes nuts, Shane stands, and shouts: SHANE (CONT'D)                   YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah! The Audience stares at him, until he sits back down, beaming with pride. Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN." Hearts swell, as the family crosses the papier-mâché alps. A STANDING OVATION. The performers take their curtain calls, then giddily gesture Shane to come out. He humbly steps into view -- and the house goes crazy. Thundering applause. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on         him. Shane smiles, touched. Mission accomplished. FADE OUT. THE END