George Joins the Neighborhood Wha-tcha and Raises the Vigil-ante


 * Max: Hey, Dad, Grandma.
 * George: Whoa, stop. WHat do you got there?
 * Max: Uh, nothing.
 * George: Let me see. That's your Mom's Lingerie Catalog, Cochino.
 * Max: It's for my social studies class... I'm writing a paper about how women are objectified in today's culture.
 * George: Put it back. Put it back!
 * Max: All right. I'll see you in the recycling bin.
 * George: What's going on out there?
 * Max: Mom said you guys are hosting a neighborhood watch meeting.
 * George: Oh, man! Look at these people, eating my food, drinking my soda. I don't want these people in my house. Oh, and Gidwani's here, too. I hate that guy.
 * Benny: What did he do to you?
 * George: I borrowed his Generator during the blackout. I gave it back to him, but he keeps saying that I didn't.
 * Benny: Uh, didn't you sell a Generator at your garage sale?
 * George: Oh. All right, hey-- even I did, it's his fault for not coming to my garage sale.
 * Benny: I like my neighbors. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have cable... bottled water... or a cute little kitten.
 * Angie: George, come on. The meeting started.
 * George: Why are we having it here?
 * Angie: I told you. We're the neighborhood watch captains.
 * George: Captains? since when?
 * Angie: Since a week ago. Why do you think we've been walking the neighborhood every night, shining flashlights into people's yards?
 * George: I thought we were looking for the lost kitten.
 * Angie: Oh!
 * George: Meow.
 * Angie: Come on. Everyone, this is my husband George.
 * Mr. Gidwani: Where is my generator?!?
 * George: I don't know, okay? But now that I'm neighborhood watch captain, I'll get to the bottom of it.
 * Mr. Gidwani: Let me describe it for you. It is big and red, and it was in your garage.
 * George: Are you yelling at a watch captain? Because I can have your yard re-zoned as a dog park.That'll make your barefoot tai chi an adventure. You'll be like that.
 * Angie: George. (Clears throat) Last item on the agenda. Um, I know everyone with a child is concerned about whether sexual predators are living in the neighborhood. My police contact told me you can go onto the Megan's law web site, and It'll show you exactly where they live. See? Our neighborhood comes up, and there are no sexual offenders nearby.
 * George: Whoa, what's that?
 * Angie: That wasn't there yesterday. "Chris Watson, sex with a minor... 1-3-8 Elm."
 * George: Well, that's just up the street.
 * Mr. Gidwani: I saw a moving van there last weekend.
 * George: All right, there's no picture on the web site. Does anybody know what this guy looks like?
 * Angie: So a sexual predator just moved into a house that Max has to walk by every day on his way to school?
 * George: All right, that's it. I'm neighborhood watch captain. I say we go confront this guy. Who's with me?
 * Angie: Oh, wait! You're overreacting! There is a better way to deal with this. I am gonna find Mr. Watson a certified letter to let him know we are aware of his presence. And show to him we mean business, I say we double our patrols.
 * George: Oh, que la, double our patrols! Why don't you just send him Max's yearbook with a highlighter? He can pick out the one he wants. Okay, let's go.
 * Angie: Wait, wait, wait.
 * Benny: What's going on?
 * George: We just find out a child molester lives up the street.
 * Benny: I'll get my gun.
 * Angie: Benny... You're on probation! You can't have a gun.
 * Benny: Relax. I'm not an idiot. It's not registered to me.
 * George: Come on, let's go get this guy.
 * Angie: Wait. I want everyone to keep in mind-- there are laws. You can't just run around like a bunch of vigilantes.
 * George: We're not vigilantes. I'm neighborhood watch co-captain, and I'm making a call in the field. What-tcha. You're all deputized. (chants) Santa-santa-colita... We're the law now. It's on!
 * Angie: Wait. think, think... about what you are doing. Are you gonna solve every problem in the neighborhood with fear and intimidation?
 * George: She's right. eventually somebody's gonna confront us, so after the molester, I say we get that kid who races his mini-bike up and down the street. Vamanos!


 * George: I remember when I was little, these streets were safe. I could walk to the bar alone at last call, help you off the floor and roll you home in my little red wagon.
 * Benny: Yeah, that was back when a kid could be a kid.
 * George: Here it is. Molester! We know what you do.
 * Mr. Gutierrez: Hey, man, far out! What's up, George?
 * George: I always knew there was something creepy about you, Gutierrez. We heard Chris Watson just moved in here. That's right. We know about your sick little games.
 * Angie: George, what are you doing here? It's 1-3-8 Elm, not 1-8-3.
 * Mr. Gidwani: Oh... no.
 * George: I'm sorry, my-- dyslexia. We just find out there's a molester in the neighborhood. We're gonna scare him outta here. You want in?
 * Mr. Gutierrez: But I got Brownies in the oven, man... But I-I--I'll catch up with you guys.
 * George: Okay, we'll be across the street.
 * Mr. Gutierrez: Yeah, I'll be right there, Man. Hey, George, that uh, Generator you sold me, man-- works great, man!
 * Mr. Gidwani: You are a thief!
 * George: This guy doesn't know what he's talking about, man. He's fried! Smell his house.
 * Mr. Gutierrez: (Sniffs) Oh, that's my Brownies.
 * George: Come on, everybody. There's a predator at 8-1-3.
 * Angie: 1-3-8.
 * George: Damn it! Let's get this guy before he moves again. 1-3-8, 1-3-8, 1-3-8, 1-3-8.
 * Angie: George. I appeal to everyone to take a moment-- (Sharp intake of breath) to calm down so we don't do anything rash.
 * Benny: Okay, I say after we finish with the molester, we take care of little miss sunshine here, huh?
 * Man: Yeah!
 * George: Blink if you're being held against your will.
 * Chris Watson: What's going on?
 * George: All right, you just blinked when you said that, so I'm kinda confused. ARe you in danger?
 * Angie: We're looking for Chris Watson?
 * Chris Watson: (Sighs) That's me.
 * Group: What, what? Really?
 * George: You know you're on a web site as a sex offender?
 * Chris Watson: Yes. I registered because I just moved here. I was gonna go house to house and talk to you all personally, but since you were nice enough to form a mob and come visit me, I guess now is as good a time as any. It was five years ago. I was a teacher, and I-I made a huge mistake with a 15-year-old boy that I will regret for the rest of my life. I served my time in prison, and I'm still dealing with things in therapy. I...
 * George: Welcome to the neighborhood. Bye.
 * Man: Yeah.
 * Chris Watson: Oh, thanks.
 * Angie: Wait a minute. All of the sudden no one's upset anymore? It's okay because she's a woman! Am I the only one still angry about all this?!?
 * George: Yeah, pretty much. There he is!
 * Kid on Mini-Bike: Ahhhhhhh!
 * George: Get him! get him!
 * Angie: George!


 * Ernie: Hey, where'd you guys go?


 * George: We found out a molester moved into the neighborhood, but it turns out that it was just a woman.


 * George: What's going on there?


 * George: Are you sure it was Max?


 * Ernie: Oh, hey, what up?