The Worst

The Infuriated Wattersons

 * Oh, hi, Anais. Woah!
 * Aah, ugh! Help!
 * At least I finally got that flat stomach.
 * Oh, hi, guys!
 * Dinner is served!
 * Thanks, Mr. Dad! Being slapped in the face with wet spaghetti was the nicest thing that happened to us all day!
 * Yeah, being a guy these days is the worst!
 * What is that?
 * Your words, and you're gonna eat them right now!
 * Why?
 * Because being a woman is the worst! It's like playing one of your video games without the— t-the— the stick of happiness!
 * Do you mean the "joystick"?
 * No, I meant…
 * Yeah, I think she meant "joystick."
 * You guys can complain all you want, but you know who really has it the worst? Kids! No matter how right you are, everyone is just so condescending!
 * Oh, sweetie, "condabending" isn't a word. Anyway, you should try being a grown-up. Responsibility, fatherhood, full-time employment— Avoiding those things is so hard for an adult.
 * Really? Then let me tell you about my day!
 * Because being a woman is the worst! It's like playing one of your video games without the— t-the— the stick of happiness!
 * Do you mean the "joystick"?
 * No, I meant…
 * Yeah, I think she meant "joystick."
 * You guys can complain all you want, but you know who really has it the worst? Kids! No matter how right you are, everyone is just so condescending!
 * Oh, sweetie, "condabending" isn't a word. Anyway, you should try being a grown-up. Responsibility, fatherhood, full-time employment— Avoiding those things is so hard for an adult.
 * Really? Then let me tell you about my day!

Gumball and Darwin's Flashback

 * And that's how you bench press, right?
 * Dude. Uh, what do I smell? Is it cinnamon? No, citrus.  No, wait, wait, wait, no. Lilac?
 * Nope! It's called Roses of the Meadow. We thought we's try Mom's shower gel for a change.
 * That's it. It's weakness I smell.
 * They don't smell like the chemicals we've been taught to associate with manliness!
 * Quick everyone— question their masculinity in a sarcastic way!
 * You know what would go well with your perfume? Admitting you're insecure instead of just punching someone in the face!
 * Yeah, what next? Going to see a doctor instead of suffering in silence until it's too late?
 * Yeah, and then what— admitting you sometimes wear makeup to hide your blemishes and your mom is all like, "Tobias, if you like makeup so much, I'll buy you some, but stop stealing mine"?
 * I meant, you pungent potpourri punks!
 * And it went like that the whole day— a whole day where we had to hold in our tears, too, because boys don't cry. So if you'll excuse us…
 * Oh, so you think your day was hard? My day was harder than your father's crusty big toenail!
 * , and : Huh?!
 * Mom, please hurry up and tell us about your day so we can get that image out of our heads.
 * And it went like that the whole day— a whole day where we had to hold in our tears, too, because boys don't cry. So if you'll excuse us…
 * Oh, so you think your day was hard? My day was harder than your father's crusty big toenail!
 * , and : Huh?!
 * Mom, please hurry up and tell us about your day so we can get that image out of our heads.
 * , and : Huh?!
 * Mom, please hurry up and tell us about your day so we can get that image out of our heads.
 * Mom, please hurry up and tell us about your day so we can get that image out of our heads.

Nicole's Flashback

 * Uh, Mr. Yoshida, how come we've never had a female employee of the month?
 * We can't have a picture of a woman. It would distract all the men. Then, who would be employee of the month?
 * Well, maybe it's time for a change?
 * That reminds me: seeing as you've been here five years, it's about time you had a promotion and your own office.
 * Huh?
 * Congratulations. Let's see if we can't pick you out a company car.
 * Uh, Nicole, do you have that report I asked for?
 * I put it on the boss' desk.
 * Oh! That reminds me: Jim, I read your report. Great work. Let's see if we can't get you an offce of your own.
 * Oh! That reminds me: you should smile more, sweetheart.
 * So not only am I getting paid twenty-two percent less for my work than the men, I also have to let then take all the credit!
 * You're right. That's a very good point, Gumball.
 * I still think being a kid is worse.
 * Sure, sweetie. How do you cope with all those short days and long holidays? It must be so tough.
 * Well, at least my generation didn't turn the economy and the planet. The house that I'll never be able to afford will be underwater anyway.
 * Oh, pumpkin, an underwater house is called a submarine— becuase it's shaped like a sandwich.
 * Don't be grumpy. Oh, this is really satisfying.
 * Ooh, let me try! Oh yeah, that is nice! Mom, come try this.
 * Oh, you're right; it's like a massage for my fingers.
 * Oh yeah! It's like a gummy peach!
 * Is it really that nice? Oh, yeah. Wait! Get your hands off my face!
 * I'm supposed to be angry. I was completely humiliated at the mall today.
 * Well, aren't you going to ask why?
 * Oh, sorry, we assume that happens every day.
 * Don't be grumpy. Oh, this is really satisfying.
 * Ooh, let me try! Oh yeah, that is nice! Mom, come try this.
 * Oh, you're right; it's like a massage for my fingers.
 * Oh yeah! It's like a gummy peach!
 * Is it really that nice? Oh, yeah. Wait! Get your hands off my face!
 * I'm supposed to be angry. I was completely humiliated at the mall today.
 * Well, aren't you going to ask why?
 * Oh, sorry, we assume that happens every day.
 * Oh, sorry, we assume that happens every day.

Richard's Flashback

 * Good morning, Larry. The usual, please.
 * Are you serious?
 * I said, "the usual."
 * Fishy, fishy, with no nostrils,
 * Can you smell your fishy gills?
 * Fishy fishy, in the sea,
 * Do you notice when you pee?
 * Fishy, fishy— Okay, sorry, but I'm not doing this anymore.
 * I'm not leaving before I've seen it drop the bass.
 * It's funny because bass is spelt the same as bass!
 * Mr. Watterson, do you intend to purchase the fish this time?
 * Mm… no.
 * Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave the store.
 * Am I being banned?
 * No; if we banned you, our sales of adult bibs would drop by a hundred percent, but could you please just…
 * …grow up?!" What's the point?! Being an adult is the worst! You think it would open doors for you, but as soon as you actually try to open one, everyone in the plane starts wigging out!
 * Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try and walk in my shoes for a day.
 * Well, I'd like "to" see you walk in mine!
 * You're not even wearing shoes! And that is not how air quotes work!
 * None of you would last a day in my shoes. You guys make me laugh.
 * Laugh? Try smiling first.
 * Can everyone please stop telling women to smile?!
 * How about we swap roles? Mom, you'll be a guy, we'll be women, Anais, you'll be a grown-up, and Dad, you'll be a little kid.
 * And then we'll see who really has it the worst.
 * Challenge accepted.
 * Challenge accepted.
 * Chald ensemptechenge.
 * Challenge accepted.
 * Challenge accepted.
 * Chald ensemptechenge.

The Challenge Commences

 * My back! What is wrong with it?!
 * Nothing. After turning forty…
 * …random parts of your body start to hurt horribly for no reason, and there's no cure. Have a nice grown-up day!
 * Oh yeah. Kids can't drive.
 * What are you doing?!
 * We're just giving in to the extreme pressure to conform to completely unattainable standards of beauty.
 * I didn't even shave today. I washed three parts of my body with damp face cloth, and I'm good to go!
 * Wow, I never realized how little time guys spend looking after themselves.
 * Right: middle-aged metabolism. Anything that enters my body now makes me fat.
 * What?! Air, as well?!
 * Oh, allow me, ladies.
 * No, allow me!
 * No, allow me.
 * I said it first!
 * We're here about the job. Here's our résumé.
 * Oh, oh, oh! Allow me to carry that for you. It looks heavy.
 * Okay, the interviews are on the top floor.
 * Oh, oh, oh, oh, allow me!
 * We are more than capable of doing things for ourselves!
 * Actually, could you push that button for us?
 * Morning! Oh, hi, Billy, Mrs. Parham. How's it going?
 * Mother! Make it stop! Make it go away! 'Tis hideous! Hideous!
 * Study!
 * Exam!
 * Study!
 * Another exam!
 * Study some more!
 * Exam!
 * Break time.
 * Break time's over!
 * Study!
 * Exam!
 * Another exam! A final exam!
 * Grown-up life is so boring! Wait; I'll just use my imagination to make it more interesting.
 * Come on, grown-up imagination, give me everything you've got. Ugh, forget it! I'll just file this along with all the other hopes and dreams adults have.
 * Okay, we're going straight to the top— where all the executives hang out.
 * What's happening?!
 * It's the glass ceiling Mom was talking about.
 * What's that?
 * The invisible barrier that stops anyone who's not an old rich dude from getting the best jobs…
 * Okay, buddy, you can start by shifting that stuff over there. Good to have you with us!
 * Oh my goodness, my legs, my legs! Heeel— Heeeugh! Heeeugh! Please, I need hughhh!
 * You okay, big guy?
 * Yeah, can't complain. Oh wait, why did I say that?! I need to get to the hospital. Which wa— Which w-wa— Oh yeah, I can't ask for directions either.
 * Study!
 * Another exam!
 * Study some more!
 * Exam!
 * Break time.
 * Break time's over!
 * Study!
 * Exam!
 * Another exam! A final exam!
 * Grown-up life is so boring! Wait; I'll just use my imagination to make it more interesting.
 * Come on, grown-up imagination, give me everything you've got. Ugh, forget it! I'll just file this along with all the other hopes and dreams adults have.
 * Okay, we're going straight to the top— where all the executives hang out.
 * What's happening?!
 * It's the glass ceiling Mom was talking about.
 * What's that?
 * The invisible barrier that stops anyone who's not an old rich dude from getting the best jobs…
 * Okay, buddy, you can start by shifting that stuff over there. Good to have you with us!
 * Oh my goodness, my legs, my legs! Heeel— Heeeugh! Heeeugh! Please, I need hughhh!
 * You okay, big guy?
 * Yeah, can't complain. Oh wait, why did I say that?! I need to get to the hospital. Which wa— Which w-wa— Oh yeah, I can't ask for directions either.
 * Come on, grown-up imagination, give me everything you've got. Ugh, forget it! I'll just file this along with all the other hopes and dreams adults have.
 * Okay, we're going straight to the top— where all the executives hang out.
 * What's happening?!
 * It's the glass ceiling Mom was talking about.
 * What's that?
 * The invisible barrier that stops anyone who's not an old rich dude from getting the best jobs…
 * Okay, buddy, you can start by shifting that stuff over there. Good to have you with us!
 * Oh my goodness, my legs, my legs! Heeel— Heeeugh! Heeeugh! Please, I need hughhh!
 * You okay, big guy?
 * Yeah, can't complain. Oh wait, why did I say that?! I need to get to the hospital. Which wa— Which w-wa— Oh yeah, I can't ask for directions either.
 * Oh my goodness, my legs, my legs! Heeel— Heeeugh! Heeeugh! Please, I need hughhh!
 * You okay, big guy?
 * Yeah, can't complain. Oh wait, why did I say that?! I need to get to the hospital. Which wa— Which w-wa— Oh yeah, I can't ask for directions either.
 * Yeah, can't complain. Oh wait, why did I say that?! I need to get to the hospital. Which wa— Which w-wa— Oh yeah, I can't ask for directions either.

Aftermath

 * Worst day ever!
 * I'm so glad I'll never be a man.
 * And I'm so glad we'll never be women.
 * I'm so glad I'll never be a child again.
 * And I'm so glad I'll never be a grown-up.
 * So I guess we're all agreed— everyone has it equally bad.
 * Well, no, actually, there are some real imbalances that—
 * Exactly. Turns out everyone has it the worst.
 * No, no, that's the problem! Men just don't listen. Women always get cut off in the middle of their s—
 * No, no, that's the problem! Men just don't listen. Women always get cut off in the middle of their s—