Come Sale Away

Script
[Bird chirping] Lincoln: [to the viewers] "You've been with us a while and it doesn't need to be said. But in a family as big as mine, everything turns into a competition." [A series of flashbacks take place] Lynn Sr.: "Okay kids, time for bed!" Lana: "I can make it up the stairs first!" [As the Loud siblings run upstairs, Lynn makes it to the top first] Lynn: [victory dance] "Uh-huh! Work it! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh." Rita: "Kids, come bring in the groceries." Lori: "I bet I can literally carry the most bags." Luna: [screams through past her siblings and does her own victory dance at the front door] "Yeah! Go, Luna! Most bags! What? Bags! What?" [As the girls watch Lincoln drink FIZZ BOY and burps, Lola does a bigger burp on her siblings and does her own victory dance] Lola: "Go Lola! Biggest burp! Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!" [end flashbacks] Lincoln: [hammering the sign] "I haven't had a winnin' forever but that changes today. It's our annual garage sale and at 5 PM today. When the market's closed, the victory dance shall be mine!" [twerks the sign, picks up his box and notices Lily crying on the ground] "Oh, what's the matter Lily, you need your blankie?" [gets the blankie and gives it to his sister] "It's okay Lily, your blankie's right here." Lily: [stops crying and sucks her thumb] Lincoln: [puts items on his stand] "Hate to break it to you, ladies, but I'm outselling all of you." Lisa: "That's amusing from someone who couldn't sell a negative charge to an electron." Lana: "Yeah? Well, you couldn't sell a rattle to a snake!" Leni: "Well, you couldn't sell a dress if it was 50% off! Not even if it was half off." Lynn Sr.: "Build up those appetites, salespeople, we're having goulash tonight!" Rita: "Which will be served on our refinished dining table. Have fun out there, kids." Lincoln: "Yeah, have fun. Watching this rump do the bump." [twerks the stand causing it to fall apart] Dang it."

[Several people arrive]

Lincoln: "Check it out folks! Low prices, high quality!" [As two people pasts Lincoln's stand, he busts out his walkie-talkie] "Clyde, time to put Operation Pretend You've Never Met Me and Are Really Interested in My Stuff So Other People Will Buy It and Also Think of A Shorter Name For This Operation into action." Clyde: [over walkie-talkie] "Sorry, my walkie cut out. Can you repeat that again?"

Lincoln: [groans] "Just get over here." [notices a customer picking up his helmet] Excellent choice, sir. Not only is that some state of head protection...[flips the helmet upside down]...it also doubles as a soup bowl." [The customer puts the helmet back and turns to leave but gets startled when Clyde shows up]

Clyde: "Whoa. Is this a geniune bowl-met? I've searched every garage in the State for one of these. How much do you want for it?"

Lincoln: "Hmm...five bucks."

Clyde: "I'll give you ten."

Male Customer #1: [takes back the helmet] "Actually, I was about to buy that." [pays Lincoln and walks off with the helmet]

Lincoln: "Nice."

[Lincoln rings a bell and writes something on the chalkboard] Lincoln: "Excellent work, Clyde."

Clyde: "Thanks, Lincoln, for your next customer, I thought I'd break out the old English accent." [in a British accent] "Hullo, luv."

Lincoln: "Sweet. No way my sisters are going to be able to compete with me."

Clyde: "I wouldn't be so sure. Looks like they've got some game too."

Lana: [At her stand] "Snakes for sale!"

[A snake bites the customer's nose, causing him to flee]

Lana: "Snake bite kits for sale!"

Male Customer #2: [comes back holding his nose in pain] "Sold!"

Lucy: "Candles. Cobwebs. Cauldrons."

Flip: [walks past] "Rubbish."

Lucy: [takes out her crystal ball] "Free psychic reading with every purchase."

Flip: "Free? Well, now you're speaking my language, little Psychic Girl. What's your cheapest item?" [Lucy holds out a tiny skull with a candle in it and Flip takes it]

Lucy: "And now, look into your future. [gazes into her crystal ball] Hmm. Business will be booming."

Flip: [cackles]

Lisa: "Expired chemicals! Buy one get one free!"

Flip: [appears] "Oh, did I hear free?"

Lily: [speaks babble to another baby as she sells him an acorn]

[Leni is seen trying to sell the garage to a young couple]

Leni: "New paint job, spaces galore and it comes with its own clicky-thingy." [She presses a button, which brings the garage door down]

Female Customer #1: "You're really selling this?"

Leni: "Hello! It's a garage sale."

Lincoln: [shrugs] "So, they've made some sales." [shakes his butt] "My victory dance and I aren't worried."

Clyde: "Wow! You're handling being in last place better than I thought."

Lincoln: [shocked] "Last place?" [Looks at the chalkboard] "How has Lily sold "$20 worth of stuff? What am I doing wrong?"

Teddy bear voice: "Please be my friend." [As the boy hold the teddy bear, its voice becomes distorted and the bear's head fells off, making the boy cry]

Lincoln: "Err...maybe, I need to upgrade the merchandise."

[Lincoln and Clyde start going around the house, picking up various household items]

Female dance on TV: "And 1, and 2, and 3. Come on now, girls."

[Lincoln and Clyde continue their raid when Lincoln looks in his parents' wardrobe and grabs Rita's wedding dress]

Clyde: "Your mom's wedding dress?"

Lincoln: "She never wears it. Let's make some sales."

[Cut back to outside where the Loud sisters angrily watch Lincoln as he attracted a huge crowd while Clyde is holding various items]

Lincoln: Sold! To the moustache-o man in the bandana! Starting the bid at 300! We've got 300! 400! We've got 500! Sold! To the man in the blue jean tuxedo!"

[Lincoln's sisters appear angry about his lack of sale] 

Lori: "Lincoln! What are you doing? This stuff isn't even yours!"

Lincoln: "So?"

''[The Loud sisters look at each other and soon, all of the Loud siblings are taking stuff from the house to sell. A much larger crowd appears and the stock gets smaller by each passing sale]''

Clyde: [notices the chalkboard] "Lincoln! You only have one minute until 5 P.M. and you're four dollars at first place!"

''[Lincoln looks around, panicking until he sees something. Scene cuts to Lincoln selling the garage sale sign to T-Bone for $5]''

Lynn Sr.: "That's a wrap, kids! Goulash is served in ten."

Lincoln: "Yes! My losing streak is over! Now, feast your eyes on my caboose because it's leaving the station."

[Suddenly Lily starts crying]

Lori: "Someone give Lily her blankie."

[The Loud siblings murmur that they don't know where it is]

Lynn: [realizes in horror] "Oh no! We must have sold it!"

Lincoln: [unsympathetic] "Yeah, yeah. Very sad. Now, if you don't mind, I'm about to do my victory dance."

Lily: [continues crying]

Lincoln: [sighs depressed] "Oh, never mind. I'm sorry, Lily, I guess we all got a little too caught up in our competition."

[Everyone else apologizes]

Lincoln: "So, your big brother is going to put the competition aside and go find your blanket."

Lola: "Oh no! You're not gonna be the hero! I'm gonna find that blankie!"

Lana: "Not if I find it first!"

[The other sisters state they'll find it first and rush off]

Lincoln: [puts Lily down] "The victory dance shall be mine!"

[Lily looks at the audience with a blank expression]

Luna: [knocks on the door] "Hello, ma'am!"

Lola: [shoves Luna aside] "Did you buy a blanket?"

Luna: [shoves Lola aside] "At the garage sale today?"

Female Customer #2: [angrily] "I didn't buy a blanket, but I did buy this hunk of junk!" [holds up a vacuum cleaner which explodes in her face] "I want my money back."

Luna and Lola: "Err..." [point at each other] "She sold it to you!" [They run off]

[Lori and Luan race each other]

Lori: "I'm getting that blanket first!" [runs up to a man watering his lawn] "Sir, were you at a garage today?" [suddenly gets shoved by a trash can and Luan, who shoved the can, runs up]

Luan: "If you want to win, you need a can-do attitude." [laughs]

[Lincoln and Lynn race each other to another house]

Lincoln: "Beat it, Lynn! This is my house."

Lynn: "No way! That blanket is mine!"

[When there's no answer, Lincoln tries to get in through the dog flap, only to meet a very angry dog]

Lincoln: "Oops! Wrong house."

[Lincoln and Lynn scream as the dog chases them]

[Cut to Lucy and Lisa at an old woman's house]

Old Woman: "Hmm, I think I did buy a blanket. Why don't you come in?"

Lisa:  [to Lucy] "First to spot the blanket gets the blanket."

[Inside]

Old Woman: "It's so nice to have visitors." [gets out a book] "Would you like to see my collection of bingo ribbons?"

[Lincoln has managed to escape the dog]

Leni: [excitedly] "I win! I found the blanket in that house right there!"

Lincoln: "That's not a house. That's a restaurant."

Sloppy's Worker Man: "Order Number 6!"

Lincoln: "And you're holding a napkin."

Leni: [Holds up a purple napkin] "Dang it."

[Cut back to the old woman's house where she's playing bingo with Lucy and Lisa]

Old Woman: [reading out the number] "B14! Anybody..."

Lucy: [whispers to Lisa] "This woman does not have the blanket. Let's get out of here."

Lisa: [whispers to Lucy] "Are you kidding? One more number and I've got a bingo!" [to the old woman] "Spin it, sister!"

[Lincoln is now putting various missing posters of Lily's blanket across the park]

Lincoln: [comes up to a woman] "Excuse me, ma'am, have you seen this blanket?" [Lincoln runs up to a family with a baby] "How about you?" [spots the baby's blanket and snatches it] "Ah-ha! Where did you get this?"

[The baby starts crying]

[Lincoln screams as he is kicked by the baby's mother and lands in a trash can near Flip's. He gets up and spots Flip cleaning a car with a purple cloth] Lincoln: "Lily's blankie! Hey, Flip? You were at our garage sale today, weren't you?"

Flip: "I don't know. Gee. Maybe. I go to a lotta garage sales."

Lincoln: "I need to buy that blanket back from you."

Flip: "No can do! This blanket's working for me. Really gets the bird poop off."

Lincoln: "Please! It's important!"

Flip: "Maybe we can do business but it's gonna cost ya."

[Back at the Loud House in the living room Lily is still crying]

Rita: [off-screen] "Be right there, sweetie."

Lincoln: [enters the house] "Good news, Lily. I've found your blanket."

Lola: "No, you didn't. Because I have it."

Lori: [pushes Lola] "Please, I've got it right here."

Luan: "I've got it."

Lisa: "No, I do."

Lynn: "This is Lily's blanket."

Lincoln: "You guys, I'm pretty sure this is the right one." [points to the blanket he's holding] "I had to give Flip all my garage sale money for it."

Lynn: "I gave Flip all my money for this one."

Luna: "Me too."

Luan: "So did I."

Lori: "And me."

Lisa: "I even gave him my bingo ribbon."

Leni: "I bought a blanket from Flip too."

Luna: "Err..that's a welcome mat, dude."

Leni: [looks at the "blanket" and realizes that Luna is right] "Dang it."

Lincoln: "I can't believe this! Flip fooled us all!"

Lisa: [angrily] "That gasoline-selling swindler!"

Rita: [enters with a basket of clean laundry] "Here you go, sweetie." [Hands Lily her real blanket] "Still hot from the dryer."

Lily: [stops crying upon seeing her blanket and gurgles happily]

Lori: "Are you literally joking right now? It's been here all along?"

Rita: [notices the empty living room] "What happened to our furniture?"

Lincoln: "Err..see, we kinda got caught up in a competition."

Lori: "Yeah, and we kinda sold everything."

Rita: "Well, you're all kinda grounded."

Lincoln: "We deserve it. And believe me, we've learned our lesson. No more competing."

[The rest of the Loud kids murmur in agreement]

Lincoln: "It's too bad because I had a victory dance that would put all of you to shame."

Lola: [scoffs] "I doubt that."

Lisa: "The chances are slim."

Lincoln: "Oh yeah? All aboard! Woot-woot! This caboose is leaving the station!" [does his victory dance] "Go Lincoln! Best butt shake! Toot-toot! Hmm-hmm! Oh yeah! Best butt shake!"

Lana: "You call that a victory dance?" [does her own victory dance as well] "Go Lana! Go Lana!"

Lola: "Mine's better!" [does her own victory dance also]

Lori: "Why do you even have a butt if that's all you gonna to do with it?"

[The Loud siblings all do their victory dances]

Rita: "Kids! Please!" [The kids stop their victory dances] "This is how you do a victory dance!" [does her own victory dance] "Uh-huh! Go Mom! Shake that booty!"

Lynn Sr.: "Hah! Gimme a break! Get a load of the goulash shakedown!"

[Rita and Lynn Sr. do their victory dances]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Well, now you know where we get it from. As they say, the nuts don't fall too far away from the tree." [resumes his victory dance] Ooh! Hmm-hmm! Hmm-hmm! Go Lincoln!

[Soon the siblings and parents are doing their victory dances]

Flip: [pours some chemicals into a washer fluid bottle] "I'm loving these 2-for-1 chemicals. I'm gonna make a fortune selling them as windshield wiper fluid." [laughs] "Suckers!" [Pour another chemical into the bottle but an explosion occurs, damaging the entire gas station and leaving Flip dazed] "Well, Psychic Girl was right. Business is booming."