Now George Noahs Ex-Zack-ly What Happened

00:00:01	Now, honey, go to school. 00:00:04	Oh, wait, wait. 00:00:06	Hey, where's carmen's diary? 00:00:08	Taped under her desk. 00:00:11	Max! 00:00:13	Reading someone's diary is a horrible invasion of their privacy. 00:00:17	What's horrible is page 73. 00:00:20	I mean, I've seen carmen clean her ears -- why would someone want to put their tongue in there? 00:00:28	What does it say? 00:00:29	I'm trying to find something about zack. 00:00:34	[ Sighs ] what? 00:00:36	Oh, my god. 00:00:37	! 00:00:39	Did she sleep with him? 00:00:39	Is she on drugs? 00:00:42	"Big news at the lopez house -- "dad bought another stupid football jersey. 00:00:48	"Hello, old man, you don't play for the raiders. 00:00:51	You never did, " I could've been in the special teams if I hadn't hurt my knee stretching. 00:01:00	[ Speaking spanish ] look at this. 00:01:06	She was talking about zack over a month ago. 00:01:09	Okay, well, find the last thing she wrote about him. 00:01:13	"I love zack so much, "and I know he wants my first time to be special, "but I don't think the back of his truck is romantic no matter how many pillows " hey, man, I thought we told you to go to school. 00:01:29	I know, but you can go through my room now. 00:01:34	[ Intro to war's "low rider" plays ] ♪ all my friends know the low rider ♪ 00:02:21	♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ 00:02:23	reebok easytone. 00:02:24	Designed to tone your hamstrings, calves, and butt more than regular sneakers. 00:02:28	Reebok easytone with balanceball inspired technology. 00:02:31	Better legs and a betterbutt with every step. 00:03:06	What makes a hershey's bar pure? 00:03:08	["Melt with you" playing] pure fun. 00:03:13	Pure joy. 00:03:15	Pure delicious chocolate. 00:03:18	Pure hershey's. 00:04:23	Ohh! 00:04:24	Ohh, my god, what is that smell? 00:04:29	[ Sniffs ] hello, benita. 00:04:38	Please hear me out. 00:04:40	I know postponing our marriage put a terrible hurt on you, and I'm gonna regret that as long as I live, but I needed some time to think. 00:04:50	I needed to be alone, so I wandered the desert for four days and four nights. 00:04:56	You know, like the chosen people did, but shorter. 00:05:02	And that's when it happened to me. 00:05:04	I was sitting on this rock, sweating and meditating, when, all of a sudden, a bunch of kids with glow sticks and pacifiers came out of nowhere and started dancing around me. 00:05:14	That's when I knew what I wanted. 00:05:17	First, to get the hell out of there. 00:05:22	Then, to marry you. 00:05:30	[ Groans ] [ Straining ] Had it comin'. 00:05:36	Out! 00:05:39	I'll leave, but this isn't over. 00:05:41	I know you're as stubborn as a truck-stop faucet, but so am i! 00:05:46	I'm gonna win you back, benita lopez. 00:05:48	Uh, call you! 00:05:49	Love you! 00:05:56	Mel, do you know about your son? 00:05:59	If you were a vietnamese cocktail waitress with a dna sample, this would be one heck of a deja vu. 00:06:07	Your son, zack, has been sneaking around behind my back and seeing carmen. 00:06:12	man, that kid .. 00:06:15	...Smart, classy girls than he deserves. 00:06:21	Look, mel, I don't want this to affect our relationship, but zack got kicked out of school, and he got a girl pregnant, and I kind of don't want him to see my daughter. 00:06:30	Oh, come on, george. 00:06:31	You're blowing this out of proportion. 00:06:33	They're just a couple of teenage kids. 00:06:34	It won't last more than a couple of weeks. 00:06:36	A lot can happen in a couple of weeks. 00:06:38	She's a 15-year-old girl with low self-esteem. 00:06:41	Well, who dropped the ball there, huh, daddy? 00:06:47	Mel, tell your son to stay away from my daughter. 00:06:49	George, that boy doesn't listen to a word I say. 00:06:52	So you're gonna let him do whatever he wants because you're too afraid to be a father? 00:06:55	Watch it, george. 00:06:55	I'm not afraid to be your boss. 00:06:58	Remember who you're talking to. 00:07:00	Okay, look, mel, don't make me choose between my job and my daughter, because I'm irrational right now -- también, I'm lightheaded -- and I just might pick the girl. 00:07:18	Is carmen in back? 00:07:18	I need to talk to her. 00:07:20	No, miss carmen. 00:07:21	She no here! 00:07:23	But she just text'd me to meet her here. 00:07:26	No, she don't! 00:07:28	That's right, it's me, ernie. 00:07:41	Sit down. 00:07:47	What's going on? 00:07:48	The owner's my friend. 00:07:49	He's letting me use his place to deal with a problem. 00:07:52	My dad knows I'm here. 00:07:54	I don't care. 00:07:55	Yeah, you know what? 00:07:56	Me either. 00:07:57	I got $15,000 in the bank. 00:07:57	I'll live off the interest. 00:08:04	Ernie, that's $300 a year. 00:08:06	She's your daughter, you know. 00:08:10	I shouldn't talk so big. 00:08:12	Listen, man, I warned you to stay away from my daughter, and you didn't, so I'm not warning anymore. 00:08:17	I want to hear right now that you're done with carmen. 00:08:21	lopez, because you asked me .. 00:08:26	You have my word that I won't see her again. 00:08:29	Hey, this is working. 00:08:31	Listen to me, punk, 'cause I'm not gonna say it again, okay? 00:08:35	You're done seeing my daughter. 00:08:35	It's over. 00:08:39	When carmen gets out of bed to make me a sandwich. 00:08:41	No, george! 00:08:42	George, no! 00:08:43	George, george, it's not worth it! 00:08:45	Next time, ernie's not gonna be here! 00:08:56	Man. 00:08:57	I remember when the nurse put carmen in your arms, and you said, "oh, my god, she's so beautiful. 00:09:03	When she starts dating, " and I said, "george, don't worry, man. 00:09:10	When that time comes, " what's your point? 00:09:15	Well, I want to apologize. 00:09:15	You're right. 00:09:17	You got no idea what you're doing. 00:12:34	tatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatata What are you doing here? 00:12:54	I saw carmen walking up the driveway. 00:12:56	I wanted to catch the fireworks. 00:13:00	So, how does it feel? 00:13:02	15 Years of bad parenting about to pay off. 00:13:08	15 Years of hollow threats, serious, .. 00:13:15	There's the look! 00:13:18	Mom, get out, or else. 00:13:20	There's the hollow threat! 00:13:24	I don't believe you. 00:13:25	Show time, monkeys! 00:13:27	You can't threaten my boyfriend. 00:13:28	The fake, gay, cover boyfriend or the boyfriend ve been seeing behind our backs for a month? 00:13:33	You read my diary? 00:13:33	I hate you! 00:13:35	I know. 00:13:36	It's written on every page in here. 00:13:38	" " "hey, old lady, hang up the miniskirt, " oh, that one's about you. 00:13:48	You had no right to read this. 00:13:49	You lost all your rights by lying to us, and if we have to look in your diary to find the truth about zack, we'll do it. 00:13:57	Oh, you want to know the truth? 00:13:59	I'm dating zack because i love him and he loves me. 00:14:02	Carmen, he doesn't love you. 00:14:04	He's just using you. 00:14:05	He told me he was gonna dump you as soon as he gets you in bed! 00:14:08	You're lying. 00:14:09	You hate him so much, you'd say anything to keep us apart. 00:14:12	Did I make up that he vandalized the factory? 00:14:14	That he got a girl pregnant? 00:14:16	He didn't even respect the girl enough to be safe. 00:14:19	No, you guys don't understand zack. 00:14:20	His dad was never there for him, and his mom's a bitter, old drunk. 00:14:24	You have no idea what that's like. 00:14:38	You want to field that one? 00:14:40	Okay, you know what? 00:14:41	End of discussion, okay? 00:14:43	We didn't ise you this far so you could screw up your life with zack. 00:14:48	There is no way in hell you are ever gonna see him again. 00:14:51	You can't stop me, because I'm almost 16. 00:14:53	I'm almost a woman. 00:14:53	I could do whatever I want. 00:14:55	Not as long as you live in this house. 00:14:58	If you don't like it here, go live somewhere else. 00:15:00	George, calm down. 00:15:01	I'm tired of her disrespecting us. 00:15:04	Go see what it's like out there. 00:15:06	Send us a postcard. 00:15:07	George! 00:15:08	And don't expect me to come looking for you. 00:15:11	I wish you weren't my dad. 00:15:16	I'm graduating! 00:15:18	I passed the fifth grade! 00:15:21	Honey, that's great! 00:15:23	We're so proud of you. 00:15:26	Hey, grandma, nt to stand up now, because those pigs are gonna be flying out of your butt. 00:15:40	Carmen is locked in her room. 00:15:42	She still won't talk to me. 00:15:44	You went too far last night. 00:15:45	Look, angie, sometimes you have to give kids an ultimatum to scare some sense into them. 00:15:50	And that worked when your mom did it to you? 00:15:53	Yeah. 00:15:53	One time I remember my mom saying, "hey, if you don't like it here, I don't like you here. 00:15:57	" what'd you do? 00:15:59	I stopped throwing my peas off the high chair. 00:16:03	Honey, do you want something to eat? 00:16:07	Nah, I'm just going to school. 00:16:15	What's that for? 00:16:16	I'm sorry, daddy. 00:16:20	I'm sorry I lied. 00:16:23	I'll stop seeing zack. 00:16:24	Okay, well, I'm sorry I had to be so tough on you, but I only did it because I love you, okay? 00:16:30	I know. 00:16:33	Okay, well, I still think you're wrong about zack, but I guess until I'm 18, I don't really have a choice. 00:16:42	.. 00:16:44	I know you have a broken heart right now, but I promise you will get through this, huh? 00:16:52	Yeah. 00:16:53	I'll see you at max's graduation. 00:17:02	Huh? 00:17:02	How about that? 00:17:06	.. 00:17:08	[ Whistles ] book parent. 00:17:13	.. 00:17:18	Opposite of instincts. 00:17:20	George! 00:17:27	[ Knock on door ] benny, don't say nothin'. 00:17:29	Just listen. 00:17:33	Who are you calling? 00:17:34	The police. 00:17:35	I'm gonna report a justified homicide. 00:17:37	Hand me those scissors over there, would you? 00:17:41	Now, you listen to me, woman! 00:17:46	Why should I ever listen to you, ever, ever again? 00:17:49	You practically walked out on me at the altar for your old girlfriend. 00:17:53	I told you, I needed time to think. 00:17:55	But now I know. 00:17:55	I don't care about amy. 00:17:58	I don't care about having kids. 00:18:00	All I care about is spending the rest of my life with you. 00:18:10	So that's it, huh? 00:18:12	You expect me to just take you back becauseyouhave decided ! 00:18:19	.. 00:18:20	Well, I knew this wasn't going to be easy, so I called in a favor from my roadie days with the commodores. 00:18:44	.. 00:18:45	I have no choice but to turn to a song they wrote that sums up exactly how I feel about you. 00:18:53	You really think you're gonna win me over with "three times a lady"? 00:18:59	I wasn't planning to. 00:19:04	.. ♪ 00:19:07	♪ house ♪ 00:19:10	♪ she's mighty mighty ♪ 00:19:11	♪ just lettin' it all hang out now ♪ 00:19:13	♪ she's a brick -- everybody in the house say -- ♪ 00:19:17	♪ house ♪ 00:19:18	♪ I like a lady stacked, and that's a fact ♪ 00:19:21	♪ ain't holding nothing back ♪ 00:19:22	.. ♪ 00:19:25	♪ house ♪ 00:19:26	♪ well put together, everybody knows ♪ 00:19:27	what's goin' on? 00:19:30	♪ This is how the story goes ♪ 00:19:31	oh, randy's just trying to win me back. 00:19:33	Well, say the word, mom, and I'll kick his ass. 00:19:36	Benny: It's all right. 00:19:37	That's good, 'cause I love this song. 00:19:43	♪ 36-24-36 ♪ 00:19:45	♪ what a winning hand ♪ 00:19:46	.. ♪ 00:19:49	♪ house ♪ 00:19:51	♪ yeah, she's mighty mighty ♪ 00:19:53	♪ just letting it all hang out ♪ 00:19:55	♪ ow, she's a brick ♪ 00:19:56	♪ come on, come on ♪ 00:19:58	♪ house ♪ 00:19:59	♪ yep ♪ 00:20:00	♪ I like a lady stacked, and that's a fact ♪ 00:20:02	♪ ain't holding nothing back ♪ 00:20:04	.. ♪ 00:20:07	♪ house ♪ 00:20:09	♪ she's the one, the only one ♪ 00:20:12	[ applause ] Man: Michael davis. 00:20:15	[ Applause ] where's carmen? 00:20:21	She's gonna miss max getting his diploma. 00:20:24	Relax, she called to say she's running late. 00:20:26	She wants to stop home and change out of her uniform. 00:20:28	She'll never get here. 00:20:29	She's probably going through every outfit in her closet. 00:20:32	[ Imitating Carmen ] " I have a very hard time buying pants. 00:20:38	Look over there. 00:20:41	Man: Jose hernandez. 00:20:43	He's so cute in his cap and gown. 00:20:45	Make sure you take his picture, because the next diploma that kids sees is gonna say "transmission expert" on it. 00:20:52	He's moving on to middle school. 00:20:54	You should enjoy it. 00:20:56	This is a good day for us. 00:20:57	Things could be worse. 00:20:58	[ Smooches ] I'm gonna call and make sure she's on her way. 00:21:02	Gary johnson. 00:21:04	Hey, maxie! 00:21:04	Congratulations, little buddy! 00:21:09	What's with you? 00:21:10	You hate these things. 00:21:13	Angie has taught me it's important to celebrate these moments because that is what makes life special. 00:21:19	Yeah? 00:21:23	Jeff kempler. 00:21:31	Way to go. 00:21:31	It's your scotch. 00:21:37	Oh, my god. 00:21:37	What? 00:21:39	It's carmen. 00:21:40	Suzanne land. 00:21:42	Carmen: Mom, dad, I'm sorry, but I just can't live at home anymore. 00:21:47	Zack will take care of me. 00:21:48	I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted. 00:21:53	Max lopez. 00:21:55	[ Applause ] ] townhouse crisps. 00:23:12	They're oven-baked flatbread crisps. 00:23:15	♪♪ ♪♪ 00:23:16	with the tastesof sea salt and olive oil. 00:23:19	♪♪ ♪♪ 00:23:20	or sprinkledwith italian herbs. 00:23:23	♪♪ ♪♪ 00:23:24	townhouse flatbread crisps. 00:23:27	They're perfect for snack time, party time, any time. 00:23:31	♪♪ ♪♪ 00:23:33	new townhouse flatbread crisps. 00:23:35	The everyday cracker with the specially-crafted taste. 00:24:11	This is the most recent picture of her. 00:24:13	Look, all we know is that she's with this zack powers, and his dad said he disappeared this morning and took $5,000. 00:24:22	Look, we'll put your daughter's name in the database of runaways, but there's not much we can do at this point. 00:24:28	That's it? 00:24:30	That's what my tax dollars ma'am, you look familiar. 00:24:33	Have we met before? 00:24:36	.. 00:24:37	This cop is never gonna find your daughter. 00:24:40	He has arrested me three times, and he still doesn't remember me. 00:24:44	You're the woman we maced who said, " .. 00:24:54	Listen, if we hear anything, we'll let you know. 00:25:00	.. 00:25:01	Is carmen coming back? 00:25:05	Honey, don't worry about it. 00:25:08	Of course she's coming back. 00:25:10	Then how about I take her room, and she can have my smaller room as punishment? 00:25:17	Anyone? 00:25:19	Let's get something to eat. 00:25:32	Honey, it's not your fault. 00:25:35	You were just trying to protect her. 00:25:42	I'm gonna call some of carmen's friends. 00:25:51	Young Carmen: Daddy? 00:25:56	Can you help me put this together? 00:25:57	Not now, carmen, I'm busy. 00:26:22	I'm gonna go find her. 00:28:02	I don't want you seeing my daughter. it's over. 00:28:04	I think it'll be over when carmen gets out of bed to make me a sandwich. 00:28:10	[ Indistinct shoutin look if the police don't search for runaways, then who am I supposed to call? 00:28:39	Well, what would a 15-year-old girl have to do before the police could start looking for her?