The Nightmare Begins

This is the transcript for The Nightmare Begins, the first episode for Invader Zim.

''An Irken ship zooms past the camera. An entire legion of ships is seen. They are all heading towards a purple gas planet with a metal ring around It, the planet Conventia. Floating monitors in space broadcast the image of the Conventia Announcer.''

Conventia Announcer: Welcome brave Irken soldiers. Welcome to Conventia, the convention hall planet. Please, proceed to the docking ring and take the complimentary teleporters to the planet's surface!

''The ships approach the docking ring, the metal ring around Conventia, and mechanical tubes stretch out and attach to the ships. Pink energy is sucked out of the ship and into the docking ring, where it is projected onto Conventia via satellite. Monitors hover above a city on Conventia, some displaying the Conventia Announcer, others displaying a green monkey. Spittle Runners also fly over the city.''

Conventia Announcer: Be sure to visit the gift shop for all kinds of cheap, useless stuff!

On the planet's surface, a beam of pink energy hits a hovering receptor, which converts the energy into an Irken.

Conventia Announcer: If you came for the great assigning, please remember where you parked and proceed to the main convention hall.

''Many Irkens walk towards the convention hall, while Irken Security monitors the crowds on hovering pods. The main convention hall has a large red robot sitting on top of it. As the Irkens enter the convention hall, the Irken Security fly their hover pods into several openings in the walls.''

Red Robot: Galactic conquest is near! Galactic conquest is near! (this is repeated over and over)

''Inside the main convention hall, the Irkens walk past an x-ray. Some of the Irkens carry purple balloons. A huge crowd of Irkens fills the convention hall. On the stage at the front of the convention hall is a disk-shaped metal pod. Electric currents charge between the ceiling and the pod. The Irken Invaders stand on a platform curved around the back of the metal pod. The hover screens displaying the Conventia Announcer hover over to the sides of the pod.

Conventia Announcer: Now, wiggle your antennae in salute, because here they are! Your all-knowing, all-powerful leaders, the Almighty Tallest!

''A beam of light shines down from the ceiling and onto the pod. Hatches of the pod unlock and it opens up, emitting smoke. The Irkens proceed to wiggle their antennae in salute. The top half of the pod begins to rise to the ceiling. Small floating spheres emerge from the bottom half of the pod and rise above the audience. The metal spheres emit lasers in all directions. Two posts lower from the ceiling pod, which creates a holograph between them. A hover disk detaches from the bottom of the ceiling pod. It lowers downwards, with Almighty Tallest Red and Purple standing on it. The Tallest wave and the disk emits lasers from the rim. The audience cheers.''

Purple: Thank you! Thank you!

Red: See, I told you they'd love lasers.

Purple: Everything is lasers with you! I'm telling you, smoke machines are what the people really wa-

''A laser beam hits Purple in the eye and he falls over, screaming in pain. The audience cheers.''

Red: See?

''The disk lands on the lower half of the pod. As Red talks, Purple gets up and rubs his eye.''

Red: '''Welcome mighty Irken soldiers! You are the finest examples of military training the Irken army has to offer! Good for you. Standing behind us, however, are the soldiers we've chosen for roles in one of the most crucial parts in operation impending doom II!'''

The hologram behind them goes from a blank screen to that of a galactic map.

Red: You in the audience just get to sit and watch.

Purple: You should have tried harder!

Red: These superior ones-

Purple (cutting in): -Not quite as superior as us of course!

Red: Pffff... Duh! These less superior than us but still quite superior soldiers will each be assigned to an enemy planet!

Purple: There you will blend in with the hideous native inhabitants.

Red: All while gathering crucial information, assessing the planet's weaknesses, making it vulnerable to our big... space ship... gang!

Purple: The armada? Now, let the assigning begin!

The crowd is silent.

Irken in the back of the audience: Whooooo!

Red: Step forward Invader Larb.

''Invader Larb hops onto the pod. A little ramp extends from the Tallest's disk to the pod. Larb runs up the ramp.

Red: Ah! You seem to have grown since last you stood before us, soldier!

Purple: You've been assigned to planet Blorch-(the holograph behind them shows a picture of Invader Larb being attacked by giant rats) home of the slaughtering rat people!

Invader Larb: Why would you draw that!?

Larb's eyes water.

Red: However, because of your increased height, we have decided to give you the planet Vort- (the picture changes to one of Invader Larb relaxing on a large couch) home of the universe's most comfortable couch.

Invader Larb: Yeeeeeees!

He takes his assignment sheet from Purple then slides away joyfully.

Purple: Next, Invader Spleen!

Invader Spleen walks up.

Red and Purple: Ooooooh!

''Invader Spleen has a really long head that impresses the Almighty Tallest. He also has a band-aid. Meanwhile, Zim's Voot Cruiser flies towards the docking ring. ''

Zim: Move it, move it! Invader coming! Arg, move it! Get out of the way!

''Zim sandwiches his voot cruiser in between two docked Irken ships. Cut back to the great assigning...''

''Purple: And last, Invader Skoodge! ''

A short, fat Invader with a stained shirt walks up.

Red: Oh, now that's just sad.

Purple: Could you get any shorter?

Invader Skoodge looks at the Almighty Tallest sadly.

Red: You will be assigned to Blorch, home of the slaughtering rat people. Thank you.

''A picture of Invader Skoodge being attacked by the rat people appears on the holograph. Tears swell up in Skoodge's eyes. Zim pushes his way to the front of the main convention hall through the crowds of Irkens.''

Zim: Get out of the way! Move it, move it! Get out of my way!

Red: Thus concludes the great assigning!

Zim: Move! You're in my way! Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Move it! Move it! (and so on...)

Red: Help yourselves to some nachos, and we'll see you at the equipping station.

Purple: Yes, gorge yourselves, you mooch it!

Zim: No, no, no! Wait!

Zim waves an arm from the front of the crowd.

Red: That voice!

Zim crawls onto the pod.

Red: No!

Purple: It can't be!

Zim rears his head up.

Red and Purple: ZIM!

''Zim walks up to where the Tallest are. Invader Skoodge slowly backs away from Zim.''

Zim: Sorry I am late, my Tallest. I couldn't find my invitation. You're lucky I even made it at all.

Red: You weren't invited at all.

Purple: Weren't you banished to Foodcourtia? Shouldn't you be... frying something?

Zim: Oh, I quit when I found out about this.

Purple: You quit being banished?

Red: The assigning is over, Zim.

Zim: But you can't have an invasion without me! I was in operation Impending Doom 1! Don't you remember?

Purple: Oh yes, we remember.

''Flashback to planet Irk. Sirens are going off. Two Irkens run towards a parked Spittle Runner. Several explosions occur and the two Irkens run away from the Spittle Runner right before a large robotic foot of Frontline Battle Mech #4 crushes it. In the cockpit of the battle mech, Zim pulls levers while laughing maniacally.''

Irken Operator: But sir, we're still on our own planet!

Zim: Silence! Twist those knobs! Twist those knobs! You! Pull some levers! Pull some levers!

''The Irken operators obey disdainfully. The Almighty Tallest watch speechlessly from a building as the battle mech rampages through the wrecked city with Zim's laughter ringing in the air. Further damage occurs when a large cannon on the mech's back spins around shooting lasers. The flashback ends. Zim attempts to smile innocently. ''

Zim: I put the fires out.

Red: You made them worse!

Zim: Worse... or better?

Purple: Guh... Besides, no invader has ever been so... very small. You're very small, Zim. You're a tiny thing.

Zim: But, invader's blood marches through my veins! Like giant radioactive rubber pants! The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!

Red: As a show of... gratitude for your service in the past, eh, here's a sandwich.

Red pulls a sandwich out of his suit and hands it to Zim.

Zim: But-

Purple: Thanks for coming everybody!

Zim: No!

Purple: Goodnight!

Zim: Noooo! Wait!

Purple: What? You got your sandwich!

Zim: My Tallest, an opportunity to prove that I truly can be an invader is all that I ask! Gimme!

Red (to Purple): Hold on, I've got a plan. (to Zim) We see now that you are truly deserving.

Zim: Yes. Yes I am.

Red: You will be sent to a planet so mysterious, no one has even heard of it!

Purple: Right! And those who have heard of it dare not speak its name!

Zim: What's its name?

Purple: Oh, I dare not speak it!

Zim: Where is it?

Red: Um... (he starts hovering around searching the holograph of the universe for a planet) Uh... Uh... Um... Right there!

Red points to a slip of paper taped to the holograph pole that shows the outline of a planet and a question mark in it with the word 'planet?' written underneath it.

Zim: Ooh! Oooooooooh! A secret mission!

Red: Happy now?

Zim: Yes.

Red: Invaders! Report to the equipment hall! Oh, and remember! Lasers.

A laser hits Purple in the eye.'

Purple: Ahhhhhh!

Red: The universe will be ours for the taking! It's only a matter of time before all the races of the Universe serve the Irken Empire!

Purple: I'll have them serve me curly fries.

'''Curly fries' is echoed over and over as a close up of the slip of paper with the unknown planet changes to a shot of a galaxy that looks exactly like the planet on the slip of paper, question mark and all. Zoom in on the galaxy at light speed until planet Earth is visible, then planet Earth is zoomed in on until Dib is visible, sitting on a roof top receiving a transmission from Conventia. He is there with a laptop computer attached to a satellite and he is wearing headphones. He pulls off the headphones.''

Dib: They're coming!

''Dib jumps off of the roof and slides down a pipe. Meanwhile, Gaz opens the refrigerator inside.''

Gaz: Dib drank the last soda. He will pay!

Outside, Dib slides down the rest of the pipe and swings into an open window where he falls into a sink filled with water.

Dib: They're coming!

''Dib jumps out of the sink and runs to his father, Professor Membrane. ''

Dib: Dad! They're coming! I heard them! I actually heard them! I was up on the roof, and I heard this transmission that was coming through!

Professor Membrane: Shtshtshtsht! Not now son! I'm making (sparks of electricity fly everywhere) TOAST!

Professor Membrane lifts up a piece of toast triumphantly.'' Dib runs to his sister, Gaz. Gaz is holding juice since she couldn't find a soda.'

Dib: Gaz! They're coming! They really are!

Gaz: Who's coming, Dib?

Dib: I don't know...

''Fade in to the equipping station where the invaders gather around the Almighty Tallest. Purple puts a compact robot on the ground, which unfolds into an infant-sized robot.''

Purple: This is your standard issue information retrieval unit, also known as a SIR. It will assist you in gathering valuable knowledge during your mission.

Red: It's also a thermos!

Purple picks up the SIR and it compacts again.&nbsp

&nbsp

Purple: Who wants this one?

Invader: I do!

Purple throws it and it hits the invader.

Invader: Ow! Thank you.

Red: Everyone else, line up and take a robot!

''The invaders line up. Out of the wall, a long mechanical tentacle that serves as a conveyor belt emerges. Several compact SIR units slide down. The first Invader in line, Invader Larb, steps up. A SIR detaches from the wire and unfolds.

Larb: SIR! Go warm up my ship's engines.

SIR: Yes master, I obey!

''The SIR and Larb walk off as Zim steps forward. ''

Zim: Finally! A robot slave of my own!

Zim reaches his arms out, waiting to get his own SIR. 

Red: Um, eh, we have a top-secret model for you, Zim.

''Red waves his hand over a hole near him and a trashcan emerges. Red searches through the junk and SIR parts, as Purple pulls out a screw, 2 pennies, a paper clip, and a rubber ball from his pocket band. Red attaches some eyes to a head as Purple dumps the junk in as a brain for the new robot. Purple makes a howling kind of whistle noise and tosses the hunk of junk in front of Zim. It lies there, inactivated.''

&nbsp Zim''': It looks kind of... not good.'''

Purple: Yes! Well, that's what the enemy will think! (Red nods in agreement) Get it?

Zim: I see! Very good! It even fooled me! I am honored to be trusted with such advanced technology!

''The Almighty Tallest giggle to themselves. Suddenly, the robot activates with red glowing eyes and runs up to Zim.''

GIR: GIR, reporting for duty!

Zim: GIR? What does the 'g' stand for?

GIR's eyes turn blue.

GIR: I don't know!

''GIR stands there stupidly. He then hits himself in the head repeatedly.''

GIR: Wheeeeee hoo hoo hoo! Wheeeeeeee hoo hoo hoo!

Zim: Um, is it supposed to be stupid?

Purple: It's not stupid. It's advanced!

GIR hops on his head repeatedly.'' All the Irken ships start to leave Conventia. Zim's Voot Cruiser separates from the rest and heads for Earth.'

Zim: Okay, GIR! Our mission starts now! Let us reign some doom down upon the filthy heads of our doomed enemies!

GIR: I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom doom doom doo doom doom (and so on)

GIR continues to sing the doom song as the Voot Cruiser zooms off. Commercial Break The words '6 months later' appear against a black background. Then we see a weak looking Zim lying back on his chair with his mouth hanging open and his tongue hanging out, drool sloping down his face. GIR is still singing the doom song.''

Zim: GIR... Would you please stop singing?

Zim gets up and prepares to attack GIR but is interrupted by the computer.

Computer: Proximity warning: Planet ahead.

Zim's control panel shows an image of the planet with the word Earth next to it.

Zim: GIR, we're here! We're finally here!

GIR gives Zim a hand motion indicating that he is not done singing the doom song.

GIR: Doom, doom, doom, the end! Ooh, what's that?

Zim: Planet Earth! This must be the place. Okay, first we have to set up a base of operations.

GIR: Heehee.

Zim: Focus GIR! This is where your advanced information gathering skills come in handy!

GIR's eyes turn red and he salutes Zim.

GIR: Yes my master!

His eyes turn blue again as he rushes to the window

Zim: Groit!

The Voot Cruiser flies closer to the surface of Earth through clouds.

Zim: You have to observe what these... Earthenoids consider to be... normal. Then, based on your observations, we make our disguises... and our home.

''The Voot Cruiser veers downward even closer to the surface of Earth. As they fly by, the control panel shows many Earthenoid objects such as cars and squirrels. The Voot Runner passes over a pink flamingo, the 105.5 FM WTFU radio station, a lawn gnome, and many houses.''

Zim: Here! We build here!

''The ship abruptly stops over a gap between two houses and lowers down into it. As the Voot Cruiser lands, it create a great cloud of dust which seeps out into the street. Zim's shadowy figure walks out of the dust and looks around.

Zim: Ooh, that was easy! GIR! Get out here!

GIR jumps out of the Voot Cruiser and hits the ship on the way down causing him to fall on his face.

Zim: Hurry GIR! What did you learn?

GIR gets up.

GIR: I saw a squirrel.

Zim gives GIR a puzzled look.

GIR: It was doin' like this-

GIR imitates a squirrel.

Zim: Concentrate, GIR! It is time for disguises!

GIR: I wanna be a mongoose.

Zim: Shhh! We have to be quiet!

''GIR's eyes turn red as he salutes Zim. Zim creeps over to the Voot Cruiser and glances around stealthily. He activates the disguise program. The Voot Cruiser reconfigures itself so that it is set up to create the disguises. Two poles emerge from the ship which creates a hologram in between them that displays an image of Zim. The computer sorts through possible disguises, starting with Jhonen Vasquez.''

Zim: Too ugly!

The second option is Steve Ressel.

Zim: Too stinky!

The next disguise is Zim wearing contact lenses and a toupee.

Zim: That one looks good!

''Zim selects that disguise. Two pods from the Voot Runner close on Zim making an egg shape when interlocked. Light pours out of the crevices where the two pods meet.''

Zim: Guh! Why does it hurt!?!

''The two panels open revealing the disguised Zim. GIR looks around.''

GIR: Master? Where did you go? Where are you?

Zim waves his arms.

Zim: I'm right here, GIR! It's me! And keep it down, do you wanna wake up the whole planet?

GIR: I dooo.

Zim: Okay, for you, I'm thinking maybe a dog.

GIR: Can I be a mongoose dog?

The disguise program goes through several breeds of dogs before Zim selects one.

Zim: Today, we become the enemy

''Zim places GIR between the closing pods. They shut on him and light pours out of the crevice where the two panels meet. The pods open to reveal the poorly disguised GIR. His dog suit looks nothing like the one Zim chose and it is green.''

Zim: Ingenious!!! Now, all we need is a home. Let's see.

''Zim pulls out a capsule which unfolds as am electronic pad complete with pen. Zim doodles a house on it.''

Zim: Some windows, a couple of little animal things in front. There!!!

''Zim closes the electronic pad into a capsule with a drill. He sticks the capsule into the ground.''

Zim: GIR! Hide!

''GIR's feet squeak as they run out into the street. Zim hides behind a fire hydrant and GIR stands in the street.''

Zim: And be quite! We can't afford to make a sound!

''The capsule bores deeper and deeper into the ground before it stops. It unfolds into a fan shape and shoots mechanical tentacles in all directions. The tentacles reach the surface and lift the Voot Runner into the air. A platform forms under the Voot Runner as dirt falls to the ground. A metal hub pops out of the ground and two poles shoot out on either side of the hub. The hub opens up and light pours out. A compact pink couch pops out of the hub and flies into the air. The couch unfolds and hits the ground. Four poles stand from the ground. The poles shoot tentacles that interlock to form a box. The tentacles that lifted the Voot Runner in the air form a wire frame of the interior of the house. The four poles shoot out beams of light that fill in the gaps between the poles. The beams of light then become solid walls complete with windows, a door, and other accessories. Two panels come out of the top of the house which close over the Voot Runner and interlock to form the roof. A large hub forms on the right side of the roof. Out of this hub, a mechanical arm forms. The arm becomes a satellite. A few large tentacles shoot out of the left and the right of the house and latch on to the houses on both sides. They grip tightly and bore into the walls of the neighboring homes. In one house, a man sits in an armchair drinking a beer and watching television. The hole where the big tentacle penetrated from the other side is visible. Out of the hole, many smaller tentacles swarm into the house. The man watches as one of the tentacles attaches to his light fixture and drains it of energy. Below Zim's house, a lab full Irken computers and technology forms. Back at the surface, lights on Zim's house flicker on as wooden fences sprout around the house. 4 lawn gnomes, 2 puffer fish, and 1 flamingo sprout in Zim's lawn. The lights in other houses in the neighborhood turn on as they wake up from the disturbance. Car alarms are turned off. Some of Zim's new neighbors look outside to see what is going on. Zim grabs GIR by the leash and drags him along towards the house while whistling and acting as if nothing happened. GIR gets up and starts skipping ahead of Zim as they walk past a sign in Zim's lawn that says, "I love Earth." When they get to the door, it flies open and the parent decoys greet them.''

Parent Decoys: Welcome home, son!

The door closes behind them and Zim relaxes once the coast is clear.

Zim: Wooooo! Step one went smoothly!

''They walk across the living room where a picture of a green monkey hangs. They walk into the kitchen over to the trashcan. GIR steps on the pedal that opens it and Zim climbs inside. An elevator takes him down to the underground portion of the house. Unlike the above levels of the house which look human, the underground lab is purely Irken.''

Zim: The Tallest were wise to choose me. This planet won't know what hit it after I've learned its weaknesses. Oh, these lenses are all scratchy!

''The elevator drops him into a chair facing a computer. Zim proceeds to type with the keyboard.''

Zim: Now, to find the best possible way of learning about this sad, filthy little planet. The more we know, the sooner we can conquer this spinning ball of... filthy, er-er-er, dirt!

''Zim's computer displays an image of the 'Skool' building which Zim will be attending. Cut to the classroom, presumably some time later. ''

Ms. Bitters stands at the front and Zim stands next to her.

Ms. Bitters: Class, I would like to introduce the newest, hopeless appendage to the student body. His name is... Zim. Zim, if you have something to say, say it now, because after this moment, I don't wanna hear another sound from you!

Zim: Hello, friends. I am a perfectly normal human worm baby.

''As Zim talks, his classmates look bored and uninterested except for Dib who points and stares with his mouth agape. Sara picks her nose.''

Zim: You have nothing, absolutely nothing to fear from me. Just pay no attention to me and we'll get along just fine.

Ms. Bitters: Take your seat now, Zim.

Zim walks with his arms outstretched to an empty desk in the front row.

Ms. Bitters: Today's lecture is about outer space... and how it will eventually implode in on itself!

Zim stands on his desk with both arms up.

Ms. Bitters: Yes, Zim?

Zim: In the event of, say, a full scale alien invasion, how prepared do you think this planet's defenses would be? Tell me!

Ms. Bitters: As I was saying, the universe is just doomed. Doomed, doomed, doooooomed!

''A bug crawls across her face. Ms. Bitters continues to say 'doomed' over and over.''

Dib: Okay, am I the only one here who sees the alien sitting in class?

The students look around for an alien.

Dib: There!

''Dib points at Zim. The camera pans towards Zim but returns to Dib.''

Dib: Right there!

''The camera pans towards Zim again but this time stays on him. Zim sweats.''

Dib: That is no kid! He's an alien! An alien! One of the monsters I've been talking about! He's here to conquer Earth!

''Zim nervously moves his finger towards a self destruct button on his sleeve. Zita leans on Zim's chair.''

Zita: Aw, not this again. You're crazy!

Zim relaxes and the self destruct button disappears.

Dib: What about his horrible green head!?!

Zim: Insolent fool boy! It's a skin condition.

Dib: And he's got no ears! Is that part of your skin condition, Zim? No ears?

''Dib gets in Aki's face, pointing to his own ears. Zim looks embarrassed.''

Zim: Yes.

The students look angrily at Dib.

Tae: Man, Dib. You think that just 'cause someone looks different, you can call them an alien?

Brian: I guess Old Kid's an alien too, huh?

Old Kid: How's it goin'?

Dib: Okay, see this is us-

Dib uses a pointer to point to a sketch on the chalkboard of a man labeled Normal Human Being.

Dib: -Now over here, over here is Zim.

Dib uses a pointer to point to a sketch of an Irken labeled Zim.

Dib: See the difference? Anyone? Anyone? Questions?

The Letter M: Yeah, what's wrong with you? All you talk about is aliens and ghosts and seeing bigfoot in your garage!

Dib: He was using the belt sander...

Zim: Yeah, he's always saying stuff. I remember that one time when-

Dib: Hey! You just got here! Don't let him trick you! I know what I'm talking about, and there it is... sitting right there!

Student Voice: Well, he does look... pretty weird.

The word 'Weird' passes by Zim.

Another student voice: Yeah! And he is sitting!

The word 'Sitting' passes by Zim.

Dib: Ya see? Actual proof that all the things I've been saying are actually right! Finally, a way to prove that I'm, that I'm...

Zim (imitating Dib): ...That I'm crazy!

Zita: Okay, now that makes sense!

Student: Man, we almost believed him!

Black bars appear above and bellow Dib and Zim's faces making it appear wide-screen format as the two stare at each other.

Ms. Bitters: Doomed, doomed, doomed. Go home now!

''The bell rings and students rush out of the Skool. Some students climb out of the windows to escape. Zim pauses in front of the Skool then proceeds to slowly walk down the steps. The doors open behind him and Dib appears.''

Dib: Zim. Maybe your cruddy little disguise worked on everyone else, but I'll get them to see the truth.

Zim: No one will believe you.

Dib: They'll believe if I bring you to them without your disguise!

''Dib slides down the side railings of the steps and lands in front of Zim. He pulls out a pair of advanced handcuffs.''

Dib: I ordered this from one of my U.F.O. zines.

Dib opens the handcuffs.

Zim: Oh, its pretty. What is it?

Dib: Alien sleep cuffs, guaranteed to render all alien life forms unconscious.

Zim: How do you know it works if you never found an alien before?

Dib: I'm gonna find out right now!

''Dib yells as he leaps at Zim. Zim jumps just in time and lands on top of Dib. Zim runs as Dib chases. They both run into the same girl, knocking her over.''

Zim: Leave me alone! I just wanna go home and be all normal!

''Zim jumps through an open window of an open car door and then out into the street. Zim knocks into the crossing guard. The crossing guard spins around and accidentally hits Dib with his stop sign. Zim smiles and runs into an alleyway. Zim jumps on a tire and grabs a pair of pants hanging on a clothesline. He slides down the clothesline, knocking off all the other clothes. Dib appears at the other end of the alleyway in front of Zim. Zim lets go of the pants and hits a box of oranges, knocking Dib over. Zim goes into the street and is almost hit by a car. The car stops and honks at Zim, but Zim climbs to the top of the car. He hops from car to car was Dib follows bellow on the side walk. Zim climbs to the top of a fake ice cream cone on top of an ice cream truck. Out of the speakers of the ice cream truck is a strange hypnotizing Arnold Schwartzenagger type voice.''

Ice Cream Truck: You like ice cream. You like ice cream. You love it. You cannot resist ice cream. To resist is hopeless. Your existence is meaningless without ice cream.

''Dib laughs maniacally. A skool bus stops beside the ice cream truck to drop off students. Zim jumps from the ice cream truck to the skool bus. Dib also climbs the skool bus. Zim backs up as Dib approaches him. Zim almost falls off the bus from backing up too far. He hangs half way off the bus.''

Dib: They might even name your autopsy video after me!

''The bus starts moving again and Zim looses his grip. He flies through the air and lands on top of a metal fence while making a painful noise.''

Zim: Ha! See ya, Dib! Pitiful human!

''Suddenly, a dog jumps out of the bushes behind the fence and bites down on Zim' head, pulling him down. One of Zim's boots flies through the air and lands on the fence. The skool bus passes by and Dib jumps off onto the fence, kicking Zim's boot off the fence. He looks into the bushes for Zim, but he doesn't notice that Zim is crawling out of the bushes down bellow. He is in pain. He puts his boot back on. Zim looks up and sees that Dib is still on the top of the fence looking for Zim in the bushes. Zim pushes Dib into the bushes so that the dog will attack him. Zim stands on the fence as a personal communicator attached to a robotic arm unfolds from his Pak. Zim contacts GIR on the communicator.''

Zim: GIR! Help me! There isn't much time!

GIR: Yes, sir!

''Almost instantly, the disguised GIR arrives using his jetpack. Zim hops down from the fence.''

Zim: Get me out of here now, GIR! Now!

GIR: Okey dokey!

''GIR flies underneath Zim and forces him into the air. Zim grips GIR by the ears as they fly off.''

Zim: Hey, wait a minute, what the-? Ahhhhhh!

''Dib crawls out of the bushes looking disheveled. He brightens up as he realizes he can follow the smoke trail GIR's jetpack has created. Zim screams as he and GIR rocket towards the house. They smack into the door and fall to the ground. They slowly get up. Zim looks badly beaten and has a twig in his wig.''

Zim: Good work, GIR...

GIR makes a triumphant noise like the one made by Blue in  Blue's Clues.

Dib emerges from the smoke trail.

Dib: There you are.

Zim: Quick! Get in the house GIR! Hurry!

The door opens and the Parent Decoys greet them.

Parent Decoys: Welcome home, son!

T'he door shuts behind them and Dib runs up and pounds on it.

Dib: Your little tricks won't fool me, Zim! I know where you live now!

Dib sticks his head up against the window.

GIR: Oh, your friend's at the window!

Dib: You can't hide forever! And if you can, then I'll wait forever!

''Lasers pop out of the pupils of one of the lawn gnomes. The aiming system zooms in on Dib's sleep cuffs.''

Dib: I've been preparing for this all my life!

A laser bolt from the lawn gnome obliterates the cuffs.

Dib: Okay... I'm going to go home now and prepare some more!

GIR takes off his disguise gleefully.

Dib: But I'll be back, and from here to the ends of the Earth, Zim-

Dib continues to talk as Zim pulls the twig out of his wig.

Zim: I feel good about how today went.

Dib: ...to the depths of the oceans!

Cut to the Massive, the Almighty Tallest's ship.

Irken: Incoming transmissions from... Earth.

A large view screen displays the word 'Earth.' Red sips on a soda.

Purple: What is... Earth?

''The large view screen displays Zim (out of disguise). As he talks, GIR, who is also out of disguise, peeps his head in from the top.''

Zim: Invader Zim reporting, sirs. The mission goes well.

Red drops his soda and Purple stares with his mouth agape.

Zim: But surely you expected that from me.

Red spits put his soda.

Red: Zim... You're alive!?

Zim: Yes. So very alive.

GIR: Hello!

Zim: And full of goo. Mission goo! Don't be surprised if I take care of the humans before the armada even gets here. Well, I've much work to do, so Invader Zim signing off.

GIR falls from the top and hits Zim.

Zim: Er, my spine!

''The transmission fades. Red and Purple glance at each other in disbelief. The episode ends as the screen goes into static, then darkness.''