The Road to El Dorado


 * ''[first lines, as the theme song begins playing, then cut to Spain in 1519]
 * Cortes: [putting the cup in the water fountain, filling up] Today, we sail to conquer the new world, for Spain, for glory, for gold!
 * ''[the crowd cheers, then shouting]
 * Man 1: Viva Cortes!
 * ''[the guns fire, then Altivo steps back]
 * Cortes: [grunts] Altivo, eyes foward. ''[throws a cup at the poster at Tulio and Miguel, saying, "Wanted: Reward 100 Doubloons"]
 * Tulio: [throws a dice] Seven!
 * Miguel: All right!
 * Tulio: Yes!
 * Miguel: Partner! Hee-hee!
 * ''[Tulio grabs the dice]
 * Miguel: [singing while playing the guitar] Tons of gold for you!
 * Tulio: Hey!
 * Miguel: [continues singing while playing the guitar] Tons of gold for me!
 * Zaragoza: Hey!
 * Both: [singing] Tons of gold for we!
 * Zaragoza: Hey! One more roll!
 * ''[Miguel plucks the notes of the guitar]
 * Tulio: Uh, guys, you're broke! You got nothin' to bet with!
 * Zaragoza: Oh, yeah? [shows a map] I got this!
 * Man 2: A map!
 * Tulio: A map?
 * Miguel: A map!
 * Zaragoza: A map of the wonders of the new world.
 * Miguel: Wow! Let's have a look. [the fingers points to the map, then grabbing it] Uh, Tulio! [grabs Tulio]
 * Tulio: Excuse us, for one moment, please.
 * Miguel: Tulio, look! El Dorado, the city of gold. This could be our destiny, our fate.
 * Tulio: Miguel, if I believed in fate, I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice.
 * Miguel: Hmmm.
 * Tulio: [chuckling] Not with the face. No, no, no, no, no. No! No! No!
 * ''[Miguel whimpers, then panting like a dog]
 * Zaragoza: [grabs the map] I said one more roll! My map against your cash.
 * Miguel: Hmm?
 * Tulio: All right, peewee. You're on!
 * Zaragoza: Not with those! This time we use my dice. Ehh, got a problem with that?
 * Tulio: [whimpering] No. [he grabs the dice, then whispering] I'm going to kill you.
 * ''[the map drops on the peseta coins, then Miguel continues playing the guitar]
 * Tulio: Come on, baby. Papa needs that crappy map.
 * ''[he continues playing the guitar, then handing the dice, then walking away, then blowing at the dice]
 * Tulio: Stop that! Show me seven!
 * ''[Miguel watches the dice, then spinning on the ground, then gasping, then landing on the ground by making it seven, then cheering]
 * Tulio: Seven!
 * Miguel: All right!
 * Tulio: Seven!
 * ''[Miguel grabs the map]
 * Tulio: [laughing, then grabbing the peseta coins] There it is! Well, nice doing business with you.
 * ''[the red dice makes it seven]
 * Zaragoza: [pounding on the ground] I knew it!
 * ''[Tulio grabs the dice, then Miguel continues playing the guitar]
 * Zaragoza: Your dice are loaded!
 * ''[Miguel continues playing the guitar, then grabbing the guitar]
 * Tulio: What? You gave me the loaded dice? [the face hits the guard's body] He gave me loaded dice! Guard, arrest him!
 * Miguel: You dare to impugn my honor? He was the one who was cheating! [pushes Tulio] Arrest him! He tricked these sailors and took their money!
 * Tulio: Oh, now I'm the thief?
 * Miguel: Yes.
 * Tulio: Take a look in the mirror, pal!
 * Miguel: Oh, you better give them that money back, or I'll... [grabs the sword] En garde!
 * Tulio: En garde, yourself. I will give you the honor of a quick and painless death. [grabs a small sword, then grabbing a sword] But not with that. Ha! I prefer to fight fairly. Aha!
 * ''[they both begin fighting]
 * Tulio: [growling] Well, any last words?
 * Miguel: I will cut you to ribbons, fool!
 * Tulio: Such mediocrity. Let your sword do the talking.
 * Miguel: I will. It will be loquacious to a fault! Ha! Take that!
 * ''[they continue fighting]
 * Tulio: You, mincing, fencing, twit.
 * Miguel: Ah, you fight like my sister.
 * ''[they both continue fighting up at the roof]
 * Tulio: I fought your sister. That's a compliment.
 * Miguel: Braggart!
 * Tulio: Heathen!
 * ''[the top of the roof breaks]
 * Man 3: Kill him!
 * Miguel: Not the face. Not the face. [grabs the sword]
 * ''[the crowd cheer]


 * Miguel: Ladies and gentlemen, we've decided it's a draw. [throws the swords on the ground] Thank you all for coming. You've been great. See you soon.
 * Tulio: Adios!
 * ''[they both fall to the ground]
 * Miguel: Congratulations. You're very good.
 * Tulio: No. That was good. Very...
 * ''[the black bull appears while snorting, then they both gasp, then mooing, then snorting]
 * Miguel: We should have kept our swords, I think.
 * Tulio: Y-Yeah.
 * ''[the bull snorts]
 * Tulio: [offscreen, whispering] Yeah, I've got a plan.
 * Miguel: What is it?
 * Tulio: Uh, well... Uh, you pet him...
 * Miguel: Yeah.
 * Tulio: ...and I'll run!
 * ''[they both begin running]
 * Miguel: Uh, well, thanks a lot!
 * ''[the black bull continues running at Tulio and Miguel, then climbing on the wall, then knocking the wall, then sliding down, then running at the people]
 * Man 4: There they are!
 * ''[the black bull continues running at Tulio and Miguel, then the guards appear, taking the swords out, then then going inside with the woman screaming]
 * Tulio: Bye. Thank you!
 * ''[the black bull knocks everybody over, with pieces in the air, with the hat rolling down the stairs, then going up then grabbing the clothesline while swinging, with the clothes falling on the guards, then the arrows shoot at the building with Tulio and Miguel, then running, then looking down at the barrels in water]
 * Miguel: I'll bet we can make that.
 * ''[they both look at the guards]
 * Guard 1: There they are!
 * Tulio: Two pesetas says we can't.
 * ''[they both jump in the barrels]


 * Miguel: You're on!
 * ''[they both fall down in the barrels]
 * Miguel: [offscreen, in a barrel] You lose!
 * ''[flips the two peseta coins in the barrel, then closing the barrels, then the rope carries the barrels to the ship]
 * Miguel: [offscreen] Ohhh!
 * Tulio: [offscreen] Whoa! What's happening here?
 * Miguel: [offscreen] We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge.
 * ''[the man lowers the barrels at the ship, then rolling the barrels, then putting the barrels, then opening the corks]
 * Tulio: [in a barrel] Okay, Miguel, we gotta move fast. On three, we jump out and head for the dock.
 * Miguel: [in a barrel] Good. Good. Okay. Excellent.
 * Together: One, two, three...
 * ''[the men put the chest on the barrels]
 * Both: [grunting] Th-Three! [straining] Three! Ohh! [straining] Three!
 * ''[cut at night, showing the half moon]


 * Tulio: [offscreen, in a barrel] Are you ready? Ah, okay. One more. Let's go.
 * Together: One, two, three! [opening the top of the barrels]
 * '''[they hear a fly buzzing, then the wind whistling]
 * Tulio: Excuse us.
 * Miguel: Okay. We're outta here.
 * Tulio: Who ordered the, uh, pickles?
 * ''[the sailor laughs, then they lock with Tulio and Miguel]
 * Miguel: Cortes!
 * Cortes: My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ. [cracking knuckles] And I will not tolerate stowaways.
 * ''[Tulio gulps]
 * Cortes: You will be flogged. And when we put into Cuba to resupply, God willing, you will be flogged some more, and then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig.
 * Miguel: All right! Cuba!
 * ''[they grab Tulio and Miguel, then cut to the crew of the ship, then whistling, then chuckling, with the man holding the basket full of apples, then nickering]
 * Man 5: Hey, Altivo! Ah-ta-ta, not for you!
 * ''[the apple falls to the ground]
 * Man 5: You're on half rations. Orders from Cortes.
 * ''[the apple falls on Miguel, then Tulio bangs on the wall, then getting up, looking at Tulio banging on the wall]
 * Miguel: So, uh, how's the... How's the escape plan coming?
 * Tulio: [stops banging on the wall] All right. All right. Wait! I'm getting something.
 * Miguel: Yeah.
 * Tulio: [continues banging on the wall] Okay! Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions...
 * Miguel: Mm-hm.
 * Tulio: ...hijack one of those longboats, and then we row back to Spain like there's no manana!
 * Miguel: [pauses] Back to Spain, yeah?
 * Tulio: Yeah.
 * Miguel: [uncertainly] In a rowboat.
 * Tulio: You got it!
 * Miguel: [scarastically] Great. Sensational. And that-that's your plan, is it?
 * Tulio: That's pretty much it.
 * Miguel: [delighted] Well, I like it. So, how do we get on deck?
 * Tulio: [pauses, deep breath] Umm. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those longboats...
 * Miguel: Uh, great.
 * Tulio: Well, okay, what's your idea, smart guy?
 * Miguel: Wh-Wh-What do you mean? Don't ask me that! You're the one with the plans.
 * ''[Altivo whinnies]
 * Miguel: Wait, I... I have an idea. Uh, come on. Give me-- Give me a boost. Hey, Altivo. [tosses the apple back and forth] Altivo. You want a nice apple? Come and get it.
 * ''[Altivo tries to get the apple, with the hooves clattering]
 * Miguel: You have to do a trick for me first.
 * ''[Altivo sputters away]
 * Miguel: All you have to do is find a pry bar. A long piece of iron with a hoomy thng at the end. Yeah?
 * Tulio: Miguel, you're talking to a horse!
 * ''[the hooves clatter]
 * Miguel: That's it, Altivo, find the pry bar.
 * Tulio: Yes, find the pry bar.
 * ''[the horse whinnies]
 * Tulio: He can't understand pry bar.
 * ''[the horse continues clattering]
 * Tulio: He's a dumb horse. There's no way...
 * ''[the keys fall to the floor, then whinnying]
 * Tulio: Well, it's not a pry bar.
 * ''[cut at night with Miguel getting out, then sneaking by Tulio, then gasping]
 * Miguel: Oh, Altivo. Oh, thank you, old boy. Listen, if we can ever return the favor--
 * Tulio: Oh, for Pete's sake, Miguel, he's a ruthless warhorse, not a poodle. Come on, before he licks you to death.
 * Miguel: [pointing to Altivo] Adios. [he gets in a ship] Shh, shh. Shh. Quiet, please.
 * Tulio: [to Miguel] What's the matter with him?
 * 'Miguel: Oh, he wants his apple. Well, give it to him before he wakes the whole ship!
 * ''[the horse bellows]
 * Tulio: Fetch! [trying to fetch the apple to Altivo, then bouncing on the the sail, the wooden pole, the telescope, and the water, then Altivo dives in the water by trying to get the apple]
 * Miguel: Altivo! [he dives in the water]
 * Tulio: Huh? Miguel! [screaming with the boat on the water]
 * Miguel': [swimming by trying to get to Altivo] Altivo, I'm coming!
 * Tulio: Miguel! Just hang on! I'm right here, old boy! Have you lost your mind?
 * Miguel: Help is coming!
 * Tulio: [gasping, then looking at the ship] Ho-o-ly ship!
 * ''[the ship knocks the boat with Tulio and Miguel falling in the water, then they all gasp, then breaking the crate]
 * Tulio: Loop the rope under the horse!
 * Miguel: Yes! [he swims underwater, and on the boat, then grabbing Tulio]
 * Tulio: On the count of three, pull back on the rope.
 * Miguel: What? Three!
 * Tulio: [offscreen] Pull!
 * ''[they both fall down in the water, then grabbing the crate, then looking at Altivo]
 * Miguel: Tulio! Hey, it worked!
 * '''[they both get on the boat]
 * Tulio: Did any of the supplies make it?
 * Miguel: Well, uh, yes and no.
 * ''[Altivo eats the carrot]
 * Tulio: Ohhh, great!
 * Miguel: Tulio. Look on the positive side. At least things can't get...
 * ''[the rain begins falling]
 * Tulio: Excuse me. We're you going to say "worse"?
 * Miguel: No.
 * Tulio: No. No? You're sure?
 * Miguel: Absolutely not. I've revised the whole thing. Okay, because...
 * Tulio: Yeah, at least we're at least in a rowboat.
 * Miguel: We're in a rowboat exactly. You miss nothing.
 * ''[they both look at the shark fins, then they both continue rowing to the beach, then whinnying, then thundering, with the wave of water, then they all yell, then groaning, then gasping, then the seagull lands on the paddle, then coughing, then laying on the paddle, then they both smack their lips, then the shark eats the paddle with the seagull, then they all sob, then cut to evening, with Tulio and Miguel rowing]