Fast Hive / Minute to Flynn It

(The screen shows a boy's bedroom.)

Narrator: This could be the room of any small boy. But that would be spying. So this is the room of Christopher Robin, who loved Winnie the Pooh. (The book opens to show Pooh on a branch as he tries to reach out for the beehive.) And Pooh, who loved honey was once again trying to steal some.

Pooh: It's not like there are stores around here you know. Now if I could just- (The branch cracks and breaks, causing to Pooh to fall.) I suppose... (Falls onto a branch) this was... (Falls onto another branch) funny... (Falls onto another branch) the first few times, but... (Falls onto another branch) now it just... (Breaks his back on a rock) hurts. (Falls off)

Narrator: So Pooh decided to get some help from his very good friend Rabbit. (The screen goes to a page with Pooh going to Rabbit's house.)

Pooh: No! I won't be doing that! (Punches Rabbit back in his house)

Rabbit: (groans)

Narrator: But it's in the book!

Pooh: Well, I called for some help outside the book.

(Cue Dominic Toretto, star of the Fast and the Furious.)

Dominic Toretto: (Crashes his car into the book) Someone need help with a heist?

(Title card: Fast Hive)

(Scene goes to Dominic Toretto and Pooh in Dom's car as he is driving.)

Dominic Toretto: All right, what's the job? Bank trains, bank on a train, bank of trains?

Pooh: A beehive, actually.

(Dom stops his car near the tree with the beehive. He and Pooh come out of the car.)

Dominic Toretto: A beehive, huh? Is it dangerous? 'Cause I've got a reputation to uphold.

Pooh: I suppose so. (shuts his car door) I mean, if you're allergic to bees, that is.

Dominic Toretto: Yeah! That's it! I could be allergic. And those bees look pretty furious. (The screen zooms in on the beehive, showing two bees fightning each other.) Of course, those bees are fast and furious.

(The screen shows another beehive with bees flying very fast.)

Bee: Aaaaaaaaah!

Dominic Toretto: And you might even even say those bees are too fast and too furious. (the screen shows another beehive with bees using flying motorcycles)

Pooh: Are you finished?

Dominic Toretto: I think so. Let's assemble our team. Who do you got and what are their specialties?

Pooh: Well, Piglet here is very small.

Piglet: Some people think I'm a girl.

Dominic Toretto: You're not?

Pooh: Eeyore is very sad.

Eeyore: I could have been in Shrek.

Pooh: And Tigger is bouncy.

Tigger: (bouncing) Hoo, Hoo, Hoo! You know, I could probably just bounce up there and get it.

Dominic Toretto: Good, 'cause that's the plan: to bounce up there using cars. (the screen shows some cars)

All: Cars?

Tigger: (bouncing as high as the beehive) No, I mean, I think I can reach it.

Dominic Toretto: No time! (gets out a blueprint) Pig Guy, Stripey Cat, you tether your cars to the Sad Horse and pull him up that ramp. That will launch his car onto a lever which will raise another ramp onto which Pooh and I will drive and hitch a chain to the hive from--

Narrator: Uhh, hello, it's the narrator. I just want to point out that might not be the smartest plan.

Dominic Toretto: What do you know? You read books!

Narrator: Exactly, and I'm afraid you'll--

Dominic Toretto: No time! Let's go!

(Dominic Toretto starts his car, Pooh starts his car, he sees the beehive air freshener and starts to suck honey out of it, Tigger starts his car, Piglet starts his car, as his body was small, Eeyore starts his car, but it breaks down)

Eeyore: Pathetic.

(Everyone's cars start, with Eeyore's car hooked on a chain to Piglet's car. Everyone's cars race up the ramp, then the second ramp, then almost at the bee hive, but they all miss it)

Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore, Tigger and Dominic Toretto: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Narrator: And, just as I was afraid, (everyone's cars come out of the book) they all lift off the page and landed into other books.

Narrator: Pooh into Where the Wild Things Are, Piglet and Tigger into The Very Hungry Caterpillar, and Eeyore into--

Eeyore: Everybody Poops.

Carol: What are you doing here?!

Pooh: Well, we were just trying to get some honey.

Carol: (grins) Oh, why didn't you say so? (holds out a pot of honey) We have some here. (gives it to Pooh)

Pooh: (Gasps)

Caterpillar: (holding a pot of honey) I was going to eat this, but there's plenty for everyone.

Piglet: (faints)

Bee: (holding a pot of honey) In this book too! 'Cause, as you know, even bees-- (poops on Eeyore)

Eeyore: Poop.

Narrator: And what, you may ask, happened to Dom? Well, he landed into the novelization of the movie Cars.

Lightning McQueen: I hear you got a thing for chains and cars.

Mater: Huh! Now you’re talking my language! (puts his hook onto Dom's car. He and McQueen start to move at a fast speed while pulling Dom's car)

Dominic Toretto: Wait! No! This is why I hate booooooooks! (His car gets unhooked and goes up a ramp and flies into the distance somersaulting.)

(Dom's car explodes and the segment ends)

[Scene begins at Flynn's. Enter Sam Flynn, son of Kevin Flynn, Encom's finest, walking up to a recently reactivated TRON arcade machine.]

Sam Flynn: Great, Dad. Can't be bothered to send me a birthday card, but you can pay the electric bill for 20 years.

[Sam pulls out a quarter that reads "In MAD We Trust" from his jacket and inserts it in the arcade game... only to get a digital surprise, as he's struck by a digitizer beam.]

Sam Flynn: GAHH!

[Sam gets sucked into the arcade machine and digitized into the Grid with a thud. He recognizes a silhouette.]

Sam Flynn: What the-- Dad?

[The silhouette walks forward, revealing himself to be CLU - Kevin's best program turned digital dictator.]

CLU: Sorry, Sam, I'm not Kevin Flynn. I'm CLU, a fake Flynn. I'd thought I'd use you, the young Flynn, to trap your dad, the old Flynn.

Sam Flynn: That's a long line of Flynns.

CLU: All the way back to the Flintstones.

[Camera shows Fred Flintstone dressed in an unearthly mix between his caveman clothes and the suit from the 1982 TRON movie, complete with helmet, bitten drumstick, identity disk and digitized prehistoric environment.]

Fred Flintstone: Yabba-dabba-doo, I'm talkin' to CLU!

Sam Flynn: What do you want with me?

CLU: Your dad created this game, but I've become better at it than him, and I'll be better at it than you!

[Challenged by Clu, Sam pulls out his identity disk and falls into combat position.]

Sam Flynn: Bring it!

CLU: Uh-- w-w-wait, not that game. I-I was actually talking about this.

[Title card: Minute to Flynn It]

Announcer: You've got a Minute to Flynn It!

[Enter Castor, host of Minute to Flynn it, who rezzes in and greets the digital audience.]

Castor: Hey, everyone! Welcome to Minute to Flynn It! Let's give it up for Sam Flynn!

[On cue, Sam rezzes in, ready for action. Cut to personal interview with Sam.]

(Caption: SAM FLYNN: LYCRA ACHIEVER)

Sam Flynn: I know I'm a better Flynn than him. I mean, look at his face! It's all computery!

[Cut to Clu in the interview.]

(Caption: CLU: DIGITAL MAKEUP EXPERIMENT)

CLU: My complexion? That's what he's pickin' on? Heh. I think-- [His head suffers an... embarrassing glitch, morphing it into Mario's] Oh, wait! Hang on! Hang on a second! [He debugs his head by punching it, reverting it to his default head] That's better.

[Back to the show.]

Castor: And Clu, the computer Flynn!

[Rez in Clu... with his head stuck in loading at 47%, making for a humiliating intro.]

CLU: Aagh... this is embarrassing.

Castor: OK. The Flynns are men of great charm and cunning intelligence, therefore, the best test would be to balance a dice on a popsicle stick while holding it in your mooooouth!

[Game 1: Digidice Balance.]

Clu has 2 digidice on his stick, smiling in the knowledge of his victory. While Castor rocks out with his Mesh cane, Sam dashes for his pile and gets balancing, adding more digidice up to 8. Meanwhile, Clu patiently places his own dice - only to be ruined by an ill-timed head morph glitch, this time of Link's. His pile drops down when he tries to correct it.

Winner: Sam Flynn

Score: Flynn: 1, CLU: 0]

CLU: Uh! Oh, wait! Agh! Owwww...!

Castor: We have a winner! [Holds up Flynn's hand]

CLU: Drat! [pulls out identity disk] I'll show you!

[Clu flings his Disc Primitive at Flynn, only for him to Disc Block it away.]

Castor: Nice. You can throw a Disc at Sam, [the tables derez.] but can you throw it at a WATERMELON?! [A digital watermelon on a claw is lowered.]

[Game 2: Watermelon Disc Throw.]

Sam and Clu, with the MultiDisc.bat, throw a rapid fire series of their Disc Primitives at the watermelon, only to miss wildly. That's when Clu decided to play dirty, brings out his Disc, calculating his aim, and throws it - the disc narrowly and blatantly misses Sam, only to bounce up and slice into the watermelon.

Winner: CLU

Score: Flynn: 1, CLU: 1]

Castor: Yes! [The watermelon goes up.] OK, it's a tied score, but it's time for the Curvy-Wurvy!

Sam Flynn: [Facepalming in frustration] Who makes up these names?!

Castor: All you have to do is [holds up an egg] keep this egg from falling.

Sam Flynn: Not so tough.

Castor: Off your light cycle!

CLU: Oof!

Castor: Travelling at [the screen zooms out to show Sam and Clu on their light cycles, with their eggs on their heads] 95 miles an hour!

Sam Flynn and CLU: Ohhh!

[A gunshot is heard.]

Castor: Begin!

[Game 3: Curvy-Wurvy]

[The light cycles start. The screen shows Sam and Clu as they try to balance their eggs while they're driving on their light cycles at a fast speed.]

Sam Flynn and CLU: Whoa! Whoaaa! Whoa! Whoaaaa!!!! Whoaa! Whoaaaa!!!

Sam Flynn: Why would Dad create such a stupid game?!

[The Minute to Flynn It logo forms, and the screen zooms out to show Guy Fieri and Kevin Flynn next to the Minute to Flynn It arcade game.]

Guy Fieri: So, Mr. Flynn, any fact of thinking of turning this into a television show?

Kevin Flynn: I have no doubt.

[segment ends]