TransBOREmores 3: Dark of the Blue Moon / The Walking Fred

(Start at Company, Inc.)

Sam Witwicky: But you've gotta hire me! Just look at my resumé! (Slides over his resume)

Bruce Brazo: Let's see. Transformers, Transformers 2, the Making of Transformers, Behind the Transformers, CSI: Transformers... You call that a resumé? (Slides back Sam's resume) I can't hire you.

(Scene goes to Sam Witwicky)

Sam Witwicky: Why? Because they're all bad?

(Scene goes to Bruce Brazo)

Bruce Brazo: No, because you parked a truck in my office.

(Scene goes to Sam Witwicky and zooms out to show a truck in Bruce Brazo's office with its horn honking)

(Sam Witwicky walks up to the truck)

Sam Witwicky: Optimus!

(The truck transforms into Optimus Prime)

Optimus Prime: Sam, I know you said "stay at home", but the Decepticons are planning an attack. Plus, I couldn't figure out how to get the TV off of "Video 3".

(A portal appears in the top of the building's roof and begins to swirl around and suck things in it)

(Scene goes to Sam Witwicky)

Sam Witwicky: What's that?

(Scene backs out to show Optimus Prime)

Optimus Prime: I told you! The Decepticons used this pillar to open a portal and are transporting more of their kind here.

(Bruce Brazo gets sucked in by the portal)

Bruce Brazo: Aaah!

(Scene goes to Bruce Brazo still screaming but then gets stuck by the portal's opening)

(Scene goes to Sam Witwicky)

Sam Witwicky: It's not very big.

(Scene goes to Optimus Prime who is holding something)

Optimus Prime: Oh no! They must have opened the wrong portal, (Scene goes to Optimus Prime's portal control) and instead of Cybertron, hit... (Scene goes down to show Smurfs with a green light next to it) Smurfs.

(Scene goes to the portal with Smurfs falling out of it singing their theme song)

(Scene goes to the floor where Optimus Prime is shooting the Smurfs with a gun)

First Smurf: Aah!

Second Smurf: Aah!

(Scene zooms in on Sam Witwicky)

Sam Witwicky: But if the Smurfs ended up here, where did the Decepticons end up?

(Scene goes to Patrick Winslow in his bedrobe standing near the door with a package)

Patrick Winslow: Special delivery?

(The package begins to shake, releasing three Decepticons. Patrick Winslow shrieks in terror.)

(Title card: TransBOREmores 3: Dark of the Blue Moon)

(Scene goes to Sam Witwicky and Patrick Winslow on the phone)

Sam Witwicky: All right, so you got the Transformers and I got the Smurfs.

Patrick Winslow: Yeah, but I also had to pay for shipping.

Sam Witwicky: The point is, we need to switch, I'll be right there. Depending on traffic.

(Patrick Winslow and Sam Witwicky hang up and scene goes to Patrick Winslow's scene and the Decepticons)

Megatron: OK, Decepticons. (Scene zooms in on him) Destroying the city should take five minutes.

Patrick Winslow: Five minutes? (Scene goes to Patrick Winslow) Sam's driving from Chicago. You got like 12 hours to kill.

(Scene goes to the Decepticons)

Laserbeak: Well...I can go for a sandwich.

Soundwave: Sure.

Megatron: Gray's Papaya.

Soundwave: Yeah.

(Scene goes to Sam Witwicky driving in his yellow car with Smurfs on his shoulders and then goes to the frontside view)

Brainy Smurf: You're going to want to make a smurf at the next smurf.

Papa Smurf: No, not a smurf, a smurf!

(Scene goes up to show Grouchy Smurf on Sam Witwicky's head)

Grouchy Smurf: Oh, we missed the smurf.

(Scene backs out)

Sam Witwicky: I don't understand what you're saying!

(Optimus Prime appears on the right side of Sam Witwicky)

Optimus Prime: Sam, you'd better make a U-smurf. (SMURF SMURFITTY SMURF SMURF SMURF!!!!!!)

Sam Witwicky: Ugh! I can't even imagine what the Decepticons are doing to that poor guy in New York right now.

(Scene goes to the Decepticons on a tour bus taking pictures with other tourists and Patrick Winslow)

Tour Guide: And this is the Upper West Side of Manhattan, home of Lincoln Center and Central Park.

(Scene zooms in on Soundwave)

Soundwave: Is this where they shot You've Got Mail?

Tour Guide: I think so.

(Scene backs out to show the Decepticons and other tourists taking pictures)

Decepticons: Oooh!

(Scene goes to a hard-working Sam Witwicky with smudges on his face trying fix the car with a car lever)

Sam Witwicky: (Grunts)

(Sam Witwicky's back cracks a little and scene goes to the left to show Optimus Prime in the car)

Optimus Prime: (While pulling the window down) Hey, get that fixed yet?

Sam Witwicky: Why are you still in the car? In fact, why are you even in a car? You are a car!

(Scene zooms in on Optimus Prime)

Optimus Prime: I'm a truck, Mr. Know-It-All.

(Optimus Prime puts the window back and scene goes to Sam Witwicky)

Sam Witwicky: Those Decepticons have probably destroyed New York by now.

(Scene goes to the Decepticons and Patrick Winslow)

Patrick Winslow: I told you, you guys would like Wicked.

Megatron: I still think we should have seen Jersey Boys.

Laserbeak: Ooh, Original Ray's!

(The Decepticons walk to the left of the scene and the scene goes to Sam Witwicky in traffic with car horns honking and stopping at a poll)

(The scene zooms in on the toll booth to show a man gesturing a sign for money and scene goes to Sam Witwicky who is annoyed)

Sam Witwicky: You've got to be kidding me. None of you have any money?

(Scene goes to the 3 Smurfs trying to look away and not pay attention to Sam Witwicky's comment)

(Scene goes to the Decepticons covered with souvenirs and Patrick Winslow walking on the sidewalk)

Laserbeak: So if we wake up early, can we go to Moma and the Met?

(Scene backs out to show Optimus Prime and Sam Witwicky in their way)

Sam Witwicky: Freeze, Decepticons. I'm sending you off to where you should have gone in the first place!

(Scene zooms in on Megatron)

Megatron: Jersey Boys?

(Scene goes to Sam Witwicky)

Sam Witwicky: No. What? No! Back to your planet. Brainy, (Scene backs out to show all) hand me the portal control.

Optrimus Prime: Oh, (Scene zooms in on him) remember back at the truck stop when you told me to get Brainy because we were leaving? Well, I didn't do that.

(Cut to Brainy freezing in Youngstown)

Sam Witwicky: Great! Now how are we going to open up a bridge to another world?

Patrick Winslow: I know!

(Scene goes to a cafe where Thor and Jane Foster sitting on a table while Thor drinks his cup and smashes it in the ground)

(Patrick Winslow comes from the left side of the scene)

Patrick Winslow: Hey, Thor! Can I borrow that hammer?

Thor: Sure.

(Patrick Winslow takes Thor's hammer and slams it in the ground causing a rainbow leading to a portal)

(Scene goes to the Decepticons and The Smurfs with Patrick Winslow)

Patrick Winslow: Everyone, back where you came from.

(Patrick throws the Decepticons and kicks the Smurfs into the portal causing them to leave and the portal to vanish)

(Scene goes to Sam Witwicky and Patrick Winslow)

Sam Witwicky: We finally did it! Wait, (Scene backs out) where's Optimus?

(Scene goes to Optimus Prime and Josh Baskin playing "Chopsticks" on the piano with their feet)

(Optimus Prime accidentally steps on Josh Baskin's foot)

Crowd: Ooh!

Josh Baskin: AAAHHH! UHHH!

(Optimus Prime runs away and segment ends)

(Scene begins with Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez at a campsite. Justin is playing guitar.)

Selena Gomez: Oh, Justin. Did you plan this special night just for me?

Justin Bieber: You are my girlfriend, are you?

(ACCURATE AS OF SEPTEMBER 26TH, 2011)

Selena Gomez: Now and forever!

Justin Bieber: *gasp* What was that?

(Fred shadow slowly walks forward.)

Justin Bieber: *gasp* Take her, I have singing power!

(Scene goes back to Fred shadow.)

Fred: Hi, I'm Fred! My mom says I'm too hyper! But I think she's mean!

(Justin and Selena run, screaming.)

(Fred bites Justin and Selena.)

Fred Justin Bieber and Fred Selena Gomez: Fame!

(Title card: The Walking Fred)

News Reporter: I'm reporting live from downtown LA, where internet celebrity Fred Figglehorn has transformed form a viral video into a real world virus.

(Fred bites the reporter.)

Fred News Reporter: My neighbor's dog is scary! Wah!

(TV turns off.)

Man at Desk: See? The internet is where the action is. That's why you're not connecting with your audience. Let me ask you: Have you ever considered a web series?

Tom Hanks: We're major Hollywood stars! Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, hello!

Julia Roberts: I was in Larry Crowne.

Tom Hanks: You were?

Man at Desk: What's a Larry Crowne?

(Fred shatters the window.)

Fred: There's a bully at school who's soooo mean!

Fred Man #1: I wet the bed!

Fred Old Lady: I'm afraid to talk to girls!

(A bunch of Fred zombies show up and overtake the man.)

Tom Hanks: Run!

(Tom and Julia flee.)

Tom Hanks: I don't get all this Fred stuff. Are we immune, or just out of touch?

(Two Fred zombies infect an old man.)

Fred Old Man: My mom says I'm not allowed to swim in the pool anymore! That makes me mad! Gahh!

(The Fred zombies start zeroing in on their prey.)

Julia Roberts: Into that mall!

(Tom and Julia run into the mall. Julia slams the doors shut, and Tom shoves a fat kid with a "Kevin" T-shirt in front of it. The zombies recoil as the fat kid crosses his arms and gives a stern look.)

(Julia glances over her shoulder. Tom follows.)

Julia Roberts: *screams*

(The camera zooms out to reveal Fred T-shirts at a store.)

Julia Roberts: Oh, Phew, it's just a shirt. Wait, he has his own T-shirt?

Tom Hanks: You know, that's actually frightening me more than the zombies.

(Glass shatters)

(Scene cuts to a shadow holding a weapon)

Bruce Willis: Psst! Guys, over here.

(Tom and Julia run into the boarded-up store. Bruce finishes boarding it up.)

Tom Hanks: Bruce Willis? What's going on out there?

Bruce Willis: It's a nightmare. Everyone's turning into Freds. They already got Tom Cruise and Jim Carrey.

(Tom and Julia shrug their shoulders)

Tom Hanks: Eh, that's okay.

Julia Roberts: Eh, that'll be fine.

Fred Jim Carrey: Show me the candy!

(The zombified Jim Carrey suddenly pounces on Bruce and bites him. Tom hits Jim with a tennis racket.)

Tom Hanks: Oh, no! Bruce got bitten! He's infected! Let's get out of here!

(Bruce struggles against the infection, but to no avail.)

Julia Roberts: We can't just leave him.

(Suddenly, Bruce rises up, having succumbed to the infection.)

Fred Bruce Willis: I don't wanna go to gym class! My hair hurts! Wah!

(The rest of the zombies suddenly burst through the boards.)

Julia Roberts: Is this the end? My career can't end on Larry Crowne!

(Zombies start to close in from all directions.)

Tom Hanks: We need to be brave! Hang on and- Hey, you know, Larry Crowne wasn't that bad. Was it that bad? Seriously, was it?

(Crckets chirp in the background.)

Julia Roberts: They didn't see it. No one saw it.

Tom Hanks: We'll they'll see the next thing I do. (CHOMP!) AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Announcer: Coming soon to a theater near you, it's Ocean's Fourteen starring Freds!

Fred Tom Hanks: Wah! We have to break into a candy vault to steal all the candy. What do you think, Fred George Clooney?

Fred George Clooney: I want all the candy for myself!

Fred Brad Pitt: Well, my name's Fred Brad Pitt and I say I should have the candy!

Fred Julia Roberts: Well, I'm a girl! Ladies first!

(indistinct conversation)

Announcer: Ocean's Fourteen! It's only a matter of time.

(segment ends)