Family BBQ

(The episode starts at The Coffee Shop with Rigby and Eileen playing cards, and Margaret serves Mordecai his coffee)

Margaret: Here you go. This one's on the house.

Mordecai: Thanks.

Margaret: Hey, are you doing anything tomorrow? My family is having a barbecue. Wanna come?

Rigby: Family function?! Pass. I can't stand my own family barbecues, Why would I want to go to someone else's?

Mordecai: (Elbows Rigby) She's not talking to you!

Margaret: Um. So, how 'bout it? Hehe.

Mordecai: Sure. Sounds like fun.

Margaret: Awesome! I'm really excited for you to meet everybody, especially my dad. I think you'll really like him. He pilots the traffic Helicopter for the local news.

Rigby: What?!

Mordecai: Whoa! Your dad is Chopper Six?!

Rigby: That dude rules! (Imitates "Chopper Six") Psh! This is Chopper Six now flying over a ton of traffic. Bet all of you losers wish you were in this Chopper! (Imitating stops) WHOO! And then he flies over some burning truck in a fifty car pile up! So cool.

Eileen: He is really cool, but don't let your guard down. Margaret's dad can be a pretty aggressive guy. It's common in such a male dominant profession. He even refuses to shake hands with any guy Margaret brings home.

Margaret: Oh, come on! He's not that tough. He's super sweet when you get to know him.

Mordecai: Yeah. I'm sure we'll get along fine.

Margaret: Well, we gotta get back to work. I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay? (Margaret and Eileen leave)

Eileen: Later.

Mordecai: Great. See ya. (To Rigby) I have to shake that guy's hand.

Rigby: What, why?

Mordecai: Dude, it's a huge deal! I'm finally out of the friend zone, and now she's taking me to meet her parents.

Rigby: So what? You wanna date Margaret, not her dad.

Mordecai: You don't get it, dude. If Margaret and I are gonna date, I need her dad to like me. I have to get that handshake.

(The setting changes to the Smith's house and the whole family is having fun)

Denise: Margaret! Margaret!

Margaret: Hey mom.

(She hugs Denise)

Denise: So good to see you.

Margaret: Mom, this is Mordecai.

Denise: (Shakes Mordecai's hand) Hi Mordecai. I'm Denise. Margaret's told us so much about you.

Mordecai: Oh. Hehe. I hope good things.

Denise: Well, she mentioned something about you wearing a diaper.

Mordecai: Uh...

Margaret: Mom!

Denise: Oh, I'm teasing. (Laughs) Mordecai, let me introduce you to the family. We have Margaret's cousins, Ricky, Tommy, Marcie, Robby, Ronnie, Susie, Stacey, you know John.

John: Sup, Mordo.

Denise: Uncle Tim, Uncle Dave, Uncle Bill, Aunt Theresa, Aunt Mary Beth, Aunt Kathleen, Nana Smith, Grandpappy Jack, and over by the grill is Margaret's--.

Margaret: Daddy!

Frank: Is that my little hug-bug? Give me a hug, hug-bug.

(Margaret and her dad excitedly hug)

Margaret: Daddy! (Laughing)

Frank: Aw, look at you so grown up. How am I gonna hug my hug-bug if I can't even recognize her?

Margaret: Dad, I was here last weekend!

Frank: Hey, you bring that mix tape I let you borrow? Daddy's gotta have his rockin' tunes for Chopper Six.

Mordecai: Whoa. Hehe. What a coincidence. I love rockin tunes too.

(He laughs nervously. Frank scowls at him angrily)

Margaret: Daddy, this is Mordecai.

Mordecai: (Raises his hand to let Frank shake it) Nice to meet you, sir.

(Short silence)

Frank: This the diaper guy?

Mordecai: Uh--.

Frank: I better russle up some more burgers on the grill, put some meat on diaper guy's bones here.

Mordecai: You told him, too?

Margaret: Oh relax. He's just messing around. That's when you know he likes you.

(Frank flips a hamburger while scowling at Mordecai)

Mordecai: I got to get that handshake.

''(Music plays while Frank flips a hamburger. He tries to squeeze sauce on to it but cannot. He looks into the bottle and notices that it is empty. He walks away to get more. After this, Mordecai flips it a few times, then flips it backwards and it lands in Nana Smith's burger bun. People start clapping, then Frank walks onscreen. Mordecai puts his hand out to shake Frank's hand. but he just takes the spatula and walks away. Then, we see some of Margaret's cousins trying to get a rugby ball out of Frank's hand while Frank holds it in the air. He puts it on the ground. John kicks it and the rugby ball flies through the air, along with his wooden leg. Mordecai manages to catch them both. John and Frank take the ball and the leg. Mordecai puts his hand out again, but the two walk away. Then we see one of Margaret's uncles eating a hot dog when he starts choking on a piece. Mordecai runs up and perfroms the heimlich, causing the piece to come back out and hit Frank. Margaret, Denise and Frank walk over. Mordecai goes to shake Frank's hand, but he just gives him the hot dog piece. The uncle who originally choked on it takes it back and eats it. The music stops.)''

(We see some people swimming, and the scene changes to Mordecai, Margaret and Frank.)

Margaret: I'm gonna swim for a bit. You coming?

Mordecai: (Sips lemonade) Oh, I didn't bring a swim suit.

Frank: Why don't you ask little Susie to borrow a swim diaper?

(Susie laughs)

Margaret: Daddy!

Frank: Alright, alright. I've got a suit he can wear.

(Scene changes to a room in Margaret's house. Frank is going through a drawer to find the suit.)

Mordecai: (Looking at pictures) Wow. You guys really spend a lot of time together.

Frank (offscreen): Here. (Throws a strange suit at Mordecai)

Mordecai: Ummm... Why is the front like that?

Frank: That's the back.

Mordecai: Maybe I'll... skip the pool.

Frank: Skip the pool? What are you, ashamed of your body or something?

Mordecai: What? No! I-

Frank: A real man does not get ashamed. Pathetic. Here. Just give it back. I'll wear it.

Mordecai: No! I'll wear it.

Frank: Oh! You think you can handle it?

Mordecai: Yeah. Pfffft. It's cool. Not a problem.

Frank: Good. (Walks out)

(Mordecai walks outside. Once he gets out, everyone stops talking. Mordecai walks past Susie and she cries. The uncle who choked on the hot dog chokes again when Mordecai walks past him. We then see the back, and Mordecai's buttcheeks are showing. He walks up to Margaret, Denise and Frank.)

Margaret: Umm...

Denise: Oh, Frank, I thought you threw that suit out.

Frank: Hey, I tried to stop him, but the kid wanted to wear it.

Mordecai: You said this was what a real man would wear!

Frank: I don't know what you're talking about.

Mordecai: But...

Frank: You calling me a liar?!

Mordecai: No, no. It's fine. Really! Thanks for the suit, Frank.

(He raises hand for Frank to shake.)

Frank: It's Mr. Smith to you. Get that thing away from me.

(Walks away)

Mordecai: Ugh.