A Pinky and the Brain Christmas

DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY

FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA AAH! [THWUP] HA HA HA HA!

'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY FA LA LA LA LA--

PINKY, PLEASE. I CAN'T EVEN HEAR MYSELF PONDER. SHH!

[WHISPERING] * La la la la la

DEAR SANTA DEAR SANTA, HELLO. HELLO HA HA! NARF! HA HA! NARF.

PINKY.

OH, BRAIN, LOOK. I'M WRITING A LETTER TO SANTA. BRAIN? BRAIN?

YOU ARE UNDER MY CONTROL. CAN YOU HEAR ME?

NARF.

I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES. I ORDER YOU TO CLUCK LIKE A CHICKEN.

MOO! A CHICKEN. OH, RIGHT. CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK.

GOOD. NOW YOU ARE STANDING ON HOT SAND.

OOOW!

STOP! STOP! NOW IMPERSONATE WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY.

HMM?

IMPERSONATE REGIS PHILBIN.

I'M OUTTA CONTROL!

YES! SUCCESS! PINKY?

WAAH! AAH! B-BRAIN, YOU--THE--

I AM ME. THAT, PINKY, IS A FANTASTICALLY POWERFUL DOLL. BEHOLD NOODLE NOGGIN!

NOODLE NOGGIN? HA HA HA! I LOVE THAT NAME.

CAPABLE OF HYPNOTIZING HUMANS, IT SHALL BRING US THE WORLD.

UM, BRAIN, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AT CHRISTMASTIME? I MEAN, REMEMBER WHEN YOU TRIED TO PLAY SANTA?

HO HO HO.

WHO'S NEXT TO TALK TO SANTA?

I AM!

WELL, IT'S DIFFICULT TO RULE THE WORLD WITH NO AIR IN YOUR LUNGS. OH, OH, AND THERE WAS THAT TIME WE MARKETED OURSELVES AS POPULAR TOYS. AIN'T THAT RIGHT?

WE ARE VERY POPULAR.

NARF! WE'RE ON CARS ALL OVER THE PLACE.

YES, UNFORTUNATELY.

NOW THAT PLAN WAS A LOT OF FUN. HA HA HA! OH, OH, AND REMEMBER WHEN WE TRAVELED IN TIME BACK TO BETHLEHEM, AND--

ENOUGH! LET US FOCUS ON THIS CHRISTMAS. MY PLAN, PINKY, IS TO GET A NOODLE NOGGIN DOLL INTO EVERY HOME ON THE PLANET. AND THEN, ON CHRISTMAS DAY WE BROADCAST MY HYPNOTIC SUGGESTION TO THE WORLD. IMPERSONATE REGIS PHILBIN.

EGAD! CHAOS!

NO, PINKY, MY MESSAGE OF WORLD DOMINATION-- I SHALL BE THEIR RULER. OUR ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT WE NEED ONE BILLION NOODLE NOGGIN DOLLS. TO MAKE ALL OF THEM OURSELVES WOULD TAKE 137 YEARS.

OH, WELL, WE'D BE PRETTY OLD BY THEN, WOULDN'T WE?

YES, I BELIEVE WE'D BE 139. NO. THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE THEM ALL IS TO PAY A HUGE WORK FORCE. OH, OH, I KNOW, BRAIN. WE CAN GET A HOLIDAY JOB AS MALL SECURITY.

PLEASE, PINKY, I-- YES! PINKY, THIS IS IT! LOOK. "ELVES WANTED FOR HOLIDAY RUSH. APPLY NORTH POLE." PINKY, ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?

I THINK SO, BRAIN, BUT APPLY NORTH POLE TO WHAT?

THE ELVES, PINKY.

SANTA'S WORKSHOP IS THE MOST PRODUCTIVE MANUFACTURING FACILITY IN THE WORLD.

APPLY NORTH POLE TO THE ELVES?

PINKY, RIGHT NOW YOUR BRAIN WAVES ARE GIVING THE AMAZING KRESKIN A POUNDING HEADACHE. WE'LL GET JOBS AT THE NORTH POLE AND HAVE THE UNWITTING ELVES MAKE OUR DOLLS FOR US.

AND THEN--

OH, YES, SANTA HIMSELF WILL DISTRIBUTE OUR DOLL TO EVERY HOUSE, HOVEL, AND HUT IN THE LAND.

OH, BRAIN, THIS IS WONDERFUL.

YES, PINKY, THE VERGE OF WORLD DOMINATION.

WELL, YES, THAT, BUT, NOW I CAN DELIVER MY LETTER TO SANTA IN PERSON. HOORAH! DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY.

PLEASE, PINKY, DON'T BE SUCH A CHILD.

BECAUSE WHY? FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

COME, PINKY. TO THE NORTH POLE AND THEN THE WORLD.

NORTH POLE. RIGHT, BRAIN. OH HELP ME, BRAIN.

THAT WOULD BE NORTH. NORTH! RIGHT! YES. USUALLY DON'T GO THIS FAR NORTH. YOU SOME KIND OF SCIENTIST? DON'T TALK MUCH, DO YOU? YEAH, HAD A BOYFRIEND LIKE YOU ONCE. ALWAYS THINKING. REAL QUIET. TURNED OUT HE WAS ACTUALLY A PROPANE TANK, WHICH EXPLAINED A LOT. I MISS HIM. PINKY, GIVE ME A HAND WITH THIS. IT'S FROZEN. PINKY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OH, JUST WORKING ON MY LETTER TO SANTA, BRAIN. PUT THAT SILLY THING DOWN. AS IF SANTA COULD POSSIBLY READ ALL THE LETTERS HE GETS. OH, NO, BRAIN. THE ELVES IN THE MAILROOM READ THEM. THEN THEY INPUT THE INFORMATION INTO BIG COMPUTERS. OH, YES, OF COURSE. THE SANTA COMPUTERS THAT RUN ON CANDY CANES AND POTPOURRI. NOW PUT IT AWAY AND HELP ME. TAKE THE WHEEL. I'M GOING TO GRAB SOME COFFEE. TAKE THE WHEEL? HEY! I SAID TAKE THE WHEEL! YAH! AAH! AAH! SHUT THE DOOR! SHUT THE DOOR! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! DUMMY. WAAH! WAAH! COME ON, PINKY. WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. JUMP! NARF! BRAIN, UM, I WAS THINKING. I DON'T THINK I REALLY WANT TO BE AN ELF. REALLY? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE? A DENTIST. YOU'VE SEEN TOO MANY CHRISTMAS SPECIALS, PINKY. [WOOF WOOF WOOF] MUSH! MUSH! OW! SORRY. AAH! AAH! THE ACTUAL NORTH POLE, PINKY. NOW WE MUST FIND SANTA'S WORKSHOP. EGAD, BRAIN. LOOK! TIME FOR OUR JOB INTERVIEW. REMEMBER, WE MUST BE CONVINCING AS ELVES. HA HA! YOU LOOK SMASHING, BRAIN. NARF! SORT OF LIKE A YOUNG SIGMUND FREUD. WHY, THANK YOU, PINKY, ALTHOUGH I CONSIDER MYSELF JUNGIAN. YEAH, YEAH. NOW, YOU GOT ANY SPECIAL SKILLS THERE? I HAVE ADVANCED KNOWLEDGE OF MECHANICAL DESIGN, ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING, PRODUCT DEVELOPMENT, DRAFTSMANSHIP, ERGONOMICS. GOOD, GOOD. YOU'LL START IN THE MAILROOM. ISN'T THIS GREAT, BRAIN? ACTUALLY, PINKY, THIS MAILROOM JOB WILL WORK TO OUR ADVANTAGE. TAKE THIS LETTER, FOR EXAMPLE. DANNY OREN. A BIKE, A SCIENCE KIT, AND NOODLE NOGGIN DOLL? SCHOTZIE, WHAT IS THIS NOODLE NOGGIN DOLL? I DON'T RECALL THAT. YEAH, WELL, MISTER, SEE, WE'RE NOT REALLY SURE. I GOT THOSE DUMB GUYS DOWN THERE GOING CRAZY LOOKING FOR THE BLUEPRINTS. WHATEVER IT IS, WE'RE GOING TO NEED A LOT OF THEM. EVERY KID ON THIS SPREADSHEET IS ASKING FOR ONE. I WANT YOU TO PULL EVERYONE YOU'VE GOT INTO THE FACTORY AND GET CRANKING ON THESE. FIND THOSE BLUEPRINTS. YO! I'M ON IT. AND, SCHOTZIE WHAT'S WITH THAT GOATEE? IS THAT STILL IN? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! HEY, I'M AN ELF. LOOK, BRAIN. THE REINDEERS ARE INVITING ELVES TO JOIN THEM FOR A PARTY AT DONNER'S HOUSE. HMM. SOMEHOW THE IDEA OF JOINING THE DONNER PARTY IS UNAPPEALING. I'M ALMOST THROUGH, PINKY. OOH, BRAIN. WHAT IS THAT? SOME SORT OF NEW SECRET HAND SIGNAL? NO, I THINK I'M GETTING CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME. THERE. NOW QUICKLY, PINKY. WE MUST HURRY. BUT, BRAIN, THERE'S ONE MORE LETTER--MINE. PINKY, GROW UP. THERE'S NO TIME. WE'VE GOT TO SWITCH THE BLUEPRINTS AND GET NOODLE NOGGIN INTO PRODUCTION. NOW FOLLOW. HA HA! THERE, PINKY. HEY, HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? THIS IS A RESTRICTED AREA. UH, BREAK TIME. UNION RULES. HEH! THAT'S FUNNY. 'CAUSE WE DON'T HAVE A UNION. REALLY? DO YOU THINK THAT'S IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE COMMON ELF? I WANT YOU TWO COME WITH ME. LOOK! A DECOY! AAH! AAH! HEY! HEY! HEY! [SNAP] EH, TEMPS. GETAWAY VEHICLES. OOH, BOMBIE'S GO-GO VAN. I CAN'T START IT. WHAT'S UNDER THE HOOD? LIPSTICK. AAH! OOH! WOW! LET'S ROLL. COME ON, MAMA! YES! TURN, BRAIN! TURN! I DON'T HAVE CONTROL. WAAH! YAAH! AAH! AAH! YOU GUYS AREN'T REAL ELVES, ARE YOU? OF COURSE WE ARE. WE'RE JUSTCANADIAN ELVES, TRYING TO BLEND IN, EH? UH-HUH. YEAH, CANADIAN. WELL, YOU FAILED. WANT TO EXPLAIN THESE FAKE EARS? WELL, YOU PUT THEM HERE, AND THEY MAKE YOUR EARS ALL POINTY, SEE? NARF! HEY, SCHOTZIE, LOOK AT THIS. HEY, HEY, HEY. THESE ARE THE BLUEPRINTS FOR THE NOODLE NOGGIN DOLLS WHAT THAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR! A LITTLE INDUSTRIAL ESPIONAGE, HUH? WHO YOU WORKING FOR? THE EASTER BUNNY? THE TOOTH FAIRY? HERSCEL THE HANUKKAH GOBLIN? OH, NO. BRAIN DREW THOSE PLANS HIMSELF. WHY, HE-- GOSH DARN IT, YOU CAUGHT ME. SHUCKS. NOW YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE THOSE DOLLS. YOU GOT IT, BOOBY. OK, GET THESE PLANS ON THE FLOOR. RETOOL. DOUBLE UP ON SPEED. COME ON, COME ON, LET'S GO. WE NEED ONE BILLION OF THESE BEFORE SANTA LEAVES. AND AS FOR YOU TWO UNGH! Pinky: HA HA! WE'RE GETTING AWAY! FUN, FUN, SILLY WILLY! I NEED EVERYONE ON THE LINE FOR THESE NOODLE NOGGIN DOLLS. PINKY, DOWN THERE. NOW TRY TO LOOK LIKE ME. SCHOTZIE, SANTA'S ABOUT TO LEAVE AND HE CAN'T REMEMBER THAT THING HE SAYS. WHEW! AAH! [YAWNS] YEOW! [THWAK] YEE-AAH! WAAH! UMPH! PINKY, THEY'RE LEAVING. SANTA'S SLEIGH IS LOADED WITH OUR DOLLS. LOOK, BRAIN. SANTA'S COMING. I CAN GIVE HIM MY LETTER. WILL YOU FORGET THAT STUPID LETTER? BRAIN, WHERE'S YOUR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT? STASHED AWAY WITH MY BIGFOOT PHOTOS. NOW, PLEASE, WE'VE GOT IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO. MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE! All: MERRY CHRISTMAS. ON, DASHER. ON, DANCER. ON, PRANCER. ON, BLITZEN. ON-- JUST ACT NATURAL, PINKY. RIGHT, BRAIN. LA LA LA LA LA! ZORT! HA HA! NARF! POIT! EGAD! PINKY, NOT THAT NATURAL. MOO! PINKY, THE LAB. NOW! WAAH! WAAH! THIS PARTICULAR SCHEME HAS A PHYSICALITY TO IT THAT I DISLIKE IMMENSELY. BRAIN, ISN'T THIS YOUR HYPNOTIC TRANSMITTER? NO! YES, IT IS. QUICKLY, PINKY, WE MUST REBUILD. THERE'S NOT MUCH TIME. MERRY CHRISTMAS, KIDS. OOH! FROHLICHE WEIHNACHTEN. OH! OOH! PINKY, GET ME A PAPER CLIP FROM THE BAG. [GASPS] BRAIN, MY LETTER TO SANTA. PINKY, NOT THAT LETTER AGAIN. A PAPER CLIP. BUT, BRAIN, MY LETTER TO SANTA. IT'S STILL HERE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID LETTER. BUT I DIDN'T GIVE IT TO SANTA. I FORGOT TO GIVE IT TO SANTA CLAUS! PINKY, WE'VE GOT TO GET THIS THING WORKING. AHH AHH HUH? THERE. NOW, PINKY, MAN YOUR STATION AT THE SWITCH. BUT, BRAIN, I DID-- I DIDN'T GIVE-- GIVE HIM THE LETTER. IT'S VER--VERY IMPORTANT. GIVE ME THAT STUPID LETTER! NOW THROW THIS SWITCH WHEN THE METER HITS RED. "DEAR SANTA, HELLO. HA HA. NARF. "THIS YEAR, SANTA, I ASK FOR NOTHING, BUT I WISH TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY DEAR FRIEND, THE BRAIN. " "HE'S HONEST AND VERY HARD-WORKING. "HE ONLY WANTS WHAT'S BEST FOR THE WORLD, "BUT HE GETS NO REWARD. "HE'S ONLY GREETED WITH DEFEAT. "HE NEVER GIVES UP, "BUT I KNOW IT MUST BE VERY HARD. "SO, PLEASE, TAKE ANYTHING THAT YOU HAVE FOR ME "AND GIVE IT TO MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD, THE BRAIN. " "LOVE, PINKY. "P. S. , BY ANY CHANCE DO YOU HAVE IN THAT BIG OLD BAG OF YOURS THE WORLD?" YOU'RE ON. President: HEY, LOOK AT THAT. YOU'RE ON, BRAIN. UH LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE WORLD, YOU WILL DO AS I SAY, FOR I--I COMMAND YOU I COMMAND YOU TO HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE. HAVE A MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS. JOY TO THE WORLD. YES! [SOBBING] AAH! MERRY CHRISTMAS! FROHLICHE WEIHNACHTEN. [STRUGGLING] DARN WINDOW. MERRY CHRISTMAS. MERRY CHRISTMAS, PINKY. OH, BRAIN. FOR ME? A SPELL CHECKER! OH, THANK YOU, BRAIN! HERE, BRAIN. THANK YOU, PINKY. AND MERRY CHRISTMAS. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU, BRAIN. Pinky: * JOY TO THE WORLD NARF NARF NARF NARF Brain: IS THAT NECESSARY? HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SING THEY'RE DINKY THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN