The Advice

A Strange Noise



 * Can you hear that?


 * What? [They look around] Yeah. It sounds like the sea, but more purple.


 * What? No.


 * You're right. It's more like the sound of Christmas, but, like, in the desert.


 * What does that even mean??


 * Yeah. It's more like the sound of a cell phone [makes a silly face] grabbing onto an ice cream cake.


 * [also makes a silly face] Ohhhh. Darwin Watterson is making a joke. 'Cause it clearly sounds more like--


 * [resumes walking] Yeah, we should probably just see what it is.



Teachers' Misery



 * What's wrong, Mr. Small?




 * Will this rain never end?


 * I don't think that's rain.




 * I meant the metaphorical rain, in my soul. [Sighs again] I just realized there is nothing fulfilling about being a teacher.


 * Oh, come on, I'm sure there's lots to like. Hey, Coach! [Coach is banging her head against the wall, making cracks] What's your favorite thing about teaching?


 * Watching the minutes tick by until the day I can retire.


 * Uh...Miss Simian?


 * [cheerfully] For me, it's the excited pitter-patter of little feet...[angrily] leaving my classroom.


 * Principal Brown?




 * Free coffee!


 * What could possibly have made you all feel like that?

,, , and : Children!


 * Ya see? I came here to shape minds, challenge perceptions, and be remembered as the single greatest teacher that ever lived. Is that too much to ask?


 * Yes. [Darwin hits him] I mean, maybe. [Darwin hits him again] I mean, whatever Darwin wants me to say.


 * [softly to Gumball] I don't want us to be the ones to crush this poor man's spirit.




 * When I first came to Elmore Junior High, I wanted to inspire troubled kids from difficult backgrounds. I don't suppose either of you are in an illegal street gang.


 * He's on the synchronized swimming team, does that count?




 * [to Darwin, shrugging] Hm?


 * [shaking his head] Uh-uh.


 * Uhhh...




 * [shrugging, shaking his head] Eh.


 * Umm...




 * What the-- I mean ask him to inspire us.


 * [whispering] Couldn't you have just said that in the first place?

and : Please, sir, inspire us.



Internet Advice



 * [clapping his hands] Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo. Oh, I have so much advice for you. Nobody ever used to listen to me, [turns his computer monitor to Gumball and Darwin] so I made these motivational quotes you get on the Internet. Look.


 * "There's no me in team unless you move the letters." 'Kay...




 * "A smile is like a hug that your face gives to someone else's eyes."


 * Right, do you have any, like, um, beginner's advice? Sort of...simpler, more kinda obvious ones that...make sense?


 * Hmmmm...[inhales] Follow your dreams.



Following Darwin's Dream



 * Darwin, why are we doing this again?




 * Tsk tsk tsk. In the dream, the naked leprechaun spoke backwards.




 * Again this doing we are why, Darwin?




 * I'm following my dream. Last night, I dreamed that I was in this classroom and there was a naked leprechaun talking backwards--


 * Humiliating is this.


 * [he's wearing cake slices on his feet] And I was wearing shoes made of cake, and then the room filled with water, and I saw two goldfish in the distance, and then I rode all the way up to them on Abraham Lincoln the goat...[a goat with Abraham Lincoln's head screams]...and then they offered me a nut for a jar of tuna.


 * A nut for a jar of tuna?


 * Backwards...


 * A...nut for a jar of tuna.


 * Huh. But then I woke up. So if I follow my dream to the end, I'll get to find out what happened next.


 * Sense perfect makes this.


 * What? [Gumball sighs and holds his hands out] Okay, so while we wait for the room to fill up with water, I'll just climb on Abraham.




 * Wait!




 * So, how's my advice working out for you guys?




 * Great. I mean, maybe cake shoes were a bad idea, but--


 * Bad idea? Hmm. Impossible. There's no such thing as a bad idea.


 * What do you mean?


 * How would we have discovered milk if someone hadn't looked a cow's udder and said, "I'm gonna drink from that"? Like I said, no such thing as a bad idea.


 * [sighs] That's another piece of advice, isn't it?




 * Mm-hmm.


 * Thanks!



Trying an Idea



 * I don't think this is gonna end well.


 * Like he said, there's no such thing as a bad idea. How would scientists have invented the quadruple bypass if we hadn't first invented the quadruple cheeseburger?


 * I think you're missing the point. And I'm not so sure about the name. "Corislide"?


 * It makes perfect sense - it's a way to travel faster through school.




 * I don't think anything good is gonna come out of this.




 * How 'bout that? We just created the robo-bulance.



Trying Laughter



 * Uhhh, is everything--




 * We just...we just wanted to say that your advice was very helpful. But we're great now, we don't need anymore. [Giggles nervously] Thank you.


 * Uh, are you sure? Your little friend looks like he needs to perk up.


 * [through his teeth] You should tell that to the people in the infirmary.


 * What?


 * Uh, nothing, nothing, nothing - he's just a little under the weather.


 * [gasps] I've got just the thing! [Turns around, puts something on, and turns back. He's wearing a clown nose] Ho ho. Here's another piece of advice for you: Laughter is the best medicine! [Winks]




 * Ladies and gentlemen, here to cure you through the power of laughter, it's [Gumball, annoyed, also enters, dresses as a clown] Dr. Funball and Ha-harwin Watterson. [Spins Gumball's bowtie. Gumball is unfazed] Come on, do something. [Pushes him]




 * [to Rocky] Hey, hey, got your nose.


 * You found my nose? [Pulls down his cast to reveal that his nose is missing] The doctor said we could reattach it.


 * Oh...uh, no, I was...[takes off his clown nose and puts it on Rocky] There you go. [Squeezes it and it squeaks. A tear appears in Rocky's eye. Ba dum tss]


 * Hey, hey, hey, hey! [To Teri] I got my gas that's gonna split your sides, not split your middle! [Laughs as Teri glares at him. His laughter dies down. Beat] Wow, does this room even have a pulse? I mean, [giggles] is this thing on? [Taps Tobias' oxygen tank and it falls over, breaking. Gumball tries to work it, but it inflates Tobias] Well, [giggles] like they say, leave the one a high. [Giggles]




 * Which one goes where?


 * This one goes there!


 * Where? [Darwin inadvertently pokes him in the eye. Gumball screams and stumbles backwards, knocking Rocky into a shelf and spilling liquid on the floor] Quick, grab some paper towels! [Darwin grabs Teri's upper half instead and she screams] Run.




 * I can't.


 * Me neither. Hold on.



Attempting to Tell the Truth



 * Where are we going?


 * [angry] Back to Mr. Small's office.


 * Wha--No! If his advice was a type of footwear, it'd be socks and sandals! [Beat] It's bad, his advice is bad.


 * It's not about his advice, it's about having the consequences from it. [The goat headbutts a copier. Paper comes out and it eats it] I refuse to be the kid who breaks his positive spirit.


 * Yeah, well, whatever. I'm not going back to his office.




 * Too late; we're already there.


 * [sliding on the gasoline into the room] I said, I'm not going.




 * Ah, children! So, how did this day of inspirational advice go?


 * Pretty bad.


 * Oh, uh, haha, um...[tears up] that's, um... I guess, maybe I should, uh, sho-should go back to my normal work.




 * As in bad, you know, good bad, like a bad skateboard trick or a bad new pair of fresh kicks, or a bad--


 * Gas?


 * No, that would be actually bad.


 * But you meant I gave you good advice. Right?




 * [sighs, whispers] Yes.


 * [happily] I knew it!




 * Hoh, man, that's never a good sign.

Take My Advice

 * [coming out of his office, singing] To educate is my desire

And to that duty, I am bound



Your minds are there to be inspired



To open your eyes to the world around 


 * [to Gumball] We can't let him see the chaos his advice caused.


 * The longest journey starts with just one simple step



And each mile goes much quicker

If you walk it with pep

Take my advice and you'll be glad that you do 



Your mind is like a parachute, It won't open when it's not open


 * There they are!




 * So don't close yourself off to the words that I've spoken

Take my advice and you'll be glad that you do



Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes 

Well, you might as well try it


 * [coming out of a room] You've got nothing to [gets stabbed by the goat] LOOOOOOOO--!




 * Sorry, Teri, I'm a nurse, not an artist, you're all going to the hospital now. I'll call the ambulance.




 * So come real close

Open your ears, hearts, and eyes 



I'm gonna give you all the gift of advice



Be the change you want in your world



Take my advice and you'll be glad that you do

And you know what doesn't kill you's only gonna make you stronger 



If it turns out wrong, then it won't matter much longer

Tomorrow you'll be better than you are today




 * Hey!



and : Hey, hey, hey!


 * Hey, hey, hey! Let me hear ya!

and : Hey, hey, hey!


 * Whoooooo! Hey, hey, hey!



I've got plenty more advice, all you need to do is ask



So next time you feel lost, just pop into...

My class!

And that is my advice to you



My advice to you!




 * And now for my last piece of advice for today, children: As you grow older, you'll...[the goat sees them and prepares to charge at them]...some will be good, some will be bad. Some will open your mind and your spirit, while some make you feel inept or worse, discouraged. [The goat charges at them] Some advice will result...while some will lead you down a slippery slope...so, children, the most important thing to remember is this: [Gumball opens a locker and the goat runs into it] Never take any advice too literally.




 * Yeah, that would have been good advice to give us first.



[Episode ends]