High Heeled Ed

[The camera pans through a sewer.] Eddy: "Gruesome, tasteless, hideous and repulsive! Pure genius!" Edd: [in protective gear] "How you ever talked me into this is beyond me. We're in a sewer, Eddy! A breeding ground for every parasite know to humans!" Eddy: "It writes itself, Double D! We're gonna be rich! Filthy rich, I tell ya." ''[A trail of bubble is seen in front of the boat. Something rises from the muck.]'' Edd: "Look out behind you!" Eddy: "That's the oldest trick in the book, Double D. Sheesh, get real." [The tentacle behind him gloms on to his head and picks him up.] "Aah! Let me go!" Edd: "Don't fight it, Eddy! Try to–" [A wave sprays all over him.] Eddy: "Ed, stop! Save it for the customers!" Ed: "I am an Edapuss, 'cause I'm Ed." Eddy: "You're gonna be Ed-a-dead after I get–" Nazz: [offscreen] "Swamp Ride?" Sarah: [offscreen, disgusted] "Oh, brother!" Eddy: "Customers." [In the lane, Sarah, Nazz, and Jimmy are walking.] Sarah: "Who wants to ride a swamp?" Nazz: "I think I'll pass." Jimmy: "Why can't the Eds think of something nice to ride, like a dolphin?" [He falls through the open manhole.] Nazz: "Boys will be boys." [She and Sarah walk on, oblivious to Jimmy's predicament.] Jimmy: [landing in sludge] "Sarah?" [He turns around to face the masked Edd.] "Gym teacher!" [He faints.] Ed: "I am Edapuss, because I am a–" Eddy: [pushing Ed away] "Hang on, he hasn't paid yet. Numskull." [to Jimmy] "Welcome to Ed's Swamp Ride. That'll be twenty-five cents." Jimmy: "Sarah!" Sarah: [returning to the manhole] "Jimmy! What happened?" Jimmy: "I fell on my tushy, Sarah!" Sarah: "Don't move! I'll save you!" ''[Sarah pulls out a modified fishing pole and casts it in. She catches Jimmy and hauls him out.]'' Sarah: "Pee-yew, Jimmy, you stink!" Nazz: [covering her nostrils] "That's putting it mildly." Eddy: [from the sewer] "Hey! Why don't you let the guy have some fun, huh?" Sarah: "You're in a sewer, idiot. It's dirty, and stinky–" Eddy: "It's called ambiance! It's a swamp ride, get it? What do you girls know about–" [A sign is thrown at him.] "No skin off my nose, Sarah. I'm sure Kevin, Rolf, even Jonny will–" Sarah: "They went go-karting!" Eddy: [popping out of the hole] "Go-karting?" Sarah: "And they won't be back till supper. Bye bye!" [She throws the manhole cover back on the manhole.] Ed: "I think Sarah likes you, Eddy." Eddy: "Great. We're stuck here with two girls and a Jimmy. This calls for a change of plans, Double D. We need to find our more sensitive side." [He tickles Edd.] Ed: "I found my sensitive side, 'cause it has a rash." Edd: [disgusted] "Thank you for sharing that with us, Ed." Eddy: "Now, what do girls like?" Ed: "Sarah likes to watch me eat yogurt from my belly button." Edd: [after a long pause] "Ahem. Before Ed fills my head with any more disturbing images, I suggest a study. An observation of girls in their habitats." Eddy: "Study? I follow my guts, Double D." Ed: "I smell waffles, guys." Eddy: "Shut up, Ed." [He pulls Ed out of the sewer.]

Jimmy: [at the top of a slide] "Won't I stick to it and chafe my thighs again, Sarah?" Sarah: "Don't be silly, silly! On your mark, get set," Jimmy: [sliding down] "Whee!" Sarah: "Last one to the swings is an Ed!" ''[They run to the swing-set, laughing. Edd, who has hidden himself behind the slide, makes some notes.]'' Nazz: "Check this out, Sarah!" [She jumps on a rope swing and does a gymnastic stunt, landing in a pile of leaves.] "Awesome!" Sarah: [jumping into the pile from the other direction] "Whee! Gee, Nazz, that was rad! Did it hurt?" Nazz: "Not when you land softly, Sarah!" Sarah: "Can I try?" Nazz: "Uh, sorta dangerous. Start slow. Try the spinning wheel." Sarah: "Okay, girlfriend!" [After they leave, Ed and Eddy stick their heads out of the leaf pile.] Eddy: "Soft? She practically broke my back!" ''[Sarah starts on the merry-go round. Eddy watches from a hollow tree. Suddenly, the wheel lifts up to reveal Ed is working as the axle.]'' Eddy: "Oh, oh! Discovery! Discovery!" Edd: [from a bush beside Eddy] "What is it?" [They both look at Ed.] Eddy: "Don't you just want to pinch his cheeks?" Edd: [signaling] "Get down, get down!" ''[Ed heeds Edd's signals and dives. The merry-go-round, no longer supported by anything, falls into the dirt and grinds down a few feet. Sarah, still holding on, is shoved into the dirt by it.]'' Sarah: [dazed and confused] "Jimmy?" Jimmy: "Jumping jackrabbits, look at those stubborn grass stains!" [Edd makes some notes.] "Better use some club soda on those clothes. It's the only way to get them clean. Hurry and meet me in the daisies, Sarah!" [Jimmy is running through a field of flowers, where the Eds are disguised as flowers.] Jimmy: "Whee! The fragrance of flowers is so sweet!" [spotting some new flowers] "Hello, you new in town? May I smell you? Why thank you." ''[Jimmy grabs the three new flowers. These flowers are really Eddy's hair. The scent of Eddy makes Jimmy start to gag.]'' Jimmy: "Yuck! You smell like cheap shampoo! I'm tearing!" [He runs away.] Edd: "Gentlemen, and I use that term lighly, I think I've compiled enough data for us to proceed. According to my observations, girls are prone to 1: soft, as in Nazz; 2: clean, reference Sarah, and 3: fresh fragrance, a la Jimmy." Eddy: "That's stupid! We're right back where we started–" [an idea hits] "Bingo! It's the pants!" Edd: [surprised] "Pants, Eddy?" Eddy: "Chicks dig pants! Nazz wears pants, Sarah wears pants,–" Edd: "You wear pants!" Eddy: [proudly] "I wear pants." [Edd giggles, and Eddy realizes that by his reasoning he is a girl.] Edd: "Pay attention, Eddy! Soft, clean, and fresh it is!" [He walks off.] Eddy: [following] "I hate it when he does that." Ed: "Quack."

''[Eddy looks out of a bush in the lane. Nazz rides a bike past, and Sarah and Jimmy follow.]'' Sarah: "Hurry, Jimmy!" Jimmy: "When are we going to push back our cuticles, Sarah?" Eddy: [leaping out of the bush] "Hey! Hold up! For the first time, specially designed for you tender types, and priced to delight, our Snuggle-Me-Ed!" [He pulls a fuzz-covered Ed from the bush.] "He's soft, clean, and fresh." Sarah: "So what?" Nazz: "Is that dryer lint all over him?" Eddy: "Double D, wouldn't you pay twenty-five cents to hug the neck?" Ed: [scared] "Bug?!? GET IT OFF GET IT OFF! AAAAAAHHH!!!" ''[Ed runs through part of the fence. This part was holding up another, longer part, which collapses on Edd, Eddy, Sarah, Jimmy, and Nazz.]'' Jimmy: "Oh no." [the fence falls] "Ow." Eddy: "Don't think she went for it." [Sarah lifts up a board and climbs out.] Sarah: "ED, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT! I'M TELLING ON–" [she fondles her earlobe] "Oh no. My earring! I lost my earring!" Edd: "I feel so guilty." Sarah: [crying] "I loved my earring!" Jimmy: [climbing out] "Sarah, look, I'm trendy!" [Jimmy has a nose ring.] "Fashion can be so painful." Sarah: "My earring! Gimme it!" [She rips the earring from Jimmy's nose.] "Thank you Jimmy! Thank you thank you thank you!" Eddy: [having an epiphany] "Did you see that? All those emotions over stupid jewelry? Double D! It's a gold mine!"

''[Sarah is playing tennis. Eddy pushes Ed and Edd out from behind a tree. Ed and Edd have with them a serving cart.]'' Eddy: "Go on!" Edd: [scared] "Retreat." Eddy: [pushing them out again] "What's the big deal? They're just girls." [The ball hits him in the mouth.] Sarah: "Hey hey hey! Get lost!" [to a prone Eddy] "No guys allowed!" Eddy: "If you weren't Ed's sister, I'd–!" [Edd clamps a hand over Eddy's mouth.] Edd: "What Eddy's trying to say is, we're having a jewelry sale and–" Sarah: "Jewelry?" Nazz: "A sale!" Jimmy: "Baubles and bangles!" Ed: [wheeling the cart forward] "Imported by an armored truck from the house of European wieners." Eddy: "Behold!" Ed: "Behold." ''[Ed rips the cloth cover off. The girls and Jimmy's faces are lit by the glimmering jewelry.]'' Nazz: "Look at all that gold!" [The jewelry is golden kitchen utensils.] Sarah: "They're so shiny!" Jimmy: "Lemme see, lemme see!" Nazz: "Eddy. I'm looking for something a little different, only still the same so it matches, without it being too similar." Eddy: "We'll just check our vault. Officer Ed!" [He shoves Ed through the fence.] Ed: "A spatula!" [He dips it in a can of gold paint.] "Jewelry for Nazz." Jimmy: [hunting through the jewelry, pulling out a slinky] "This looks interesting." Edd: "Yes, well, you obviously have an eye for, ahem, creativity." Nazz: [receiving the spatula] "Thanks, Ed." Ed: "She went for it, Eddy." Jimmy: [now dissatisfied] "It's gaudy." Eddy: [grabbing it] "Gaudy, nothing. You must have suffered a brain lag, as this is one of our more popular–" [unsure what to say] "–neck-doohickey things." Sarah: "Can I try it on?" Eddy: "Why, certainly, miss. Allow me." [He pulls out a mirror.] ''[Sarah puts on the jewelry, and it makes her neck stretch out like a giraffe. She ends up with her neck bent double and stretching ten feet into the air.]'' Sarah: "How do I look?" Eddy: "Like a million bucks. Will that be cash, or cash?" Sarah: "I don't like it!" Edd: "They hate our merchandise, Eddy!" Ed: "Give 'em what they want! Can openers." [running to paint the opener] "My mom loves can openers." [He looks back at his friends, confused.] "Are moms girls?" Eddy: "Not sure." Edd: "Well, technically..." Eddy: "Beats me." Ed: [putting the opener in the paint] "Boy, that's pretty." [The can opener digs through the bottom of the can, and the contents empty out all over Ed's pants.] Ed: "Huh? Oops." Eddy: [talking business] "This ain't a library. Buy or get lost." Ed: [calling] "Eddy!" Eddy: "Pardon us for a moment." [He drags Edd to Ed.] Ed: [in the lane with them] "Guys, I spilled paint all over my good pants." [He does indeed have gold pants on.] Eddy: "Oh great. We're hooped." Nazz: [spotting the pants] "Awesome pants!" Jimmy: "Are they for sale?" Eddy: "Uh..." Jimmy: "I must have them!" Sarah: "Gimme 'em, they're mine!" Nazz: "I saw them first!" [Eddy watches in greed and Edd watches in horror.] Eddy: "Get ready to retire, Double D." [grabbing the pants] "Cashier's this way, ladies!" [Sarah, Jimmy, and Nazz follow him.] Sarah: "Hey!" Nazz: "Aw, come on, Eddy." Jimmy: "Do you have a layaway plan?" Eddy: "Feast your eyes on these golden pantaloons! Any offers?" Nazz: [seductively] "Eddy, it would be so sweet to get those as a gift." Eddy: [incoherent] "Well uh you knuh i mag a play egg yeah nis madnam." Edd: "Try syllables in sentences, Eddy." Sarah: [going after Edd] "Double D? You can get me those pants, can'tcha?" [She backs him up to Eddy.] Edd: [incoherent] "Well iz a wiall a mis..." Nazz: "Eddy?" Sarah: "Double D?" Jimmy: "Five dollars!" [Sarah and Nazz jump back, surprised.] "For the golden pants." Eddy: [greed overtaking his lust] "Sold!" Edd: "Phew!" Jimmy: [giddy] "Pinch me I'm dreaming! Whee!" [in the pants] "I feel just like Elvis Presley. Jealous?" [The paint develops cracks.] "Oh no! When will the torment end?" ''[Jimmy falls, and the paint on the pants shatters into tiny pieces. Jimmy is wearing Ed's pants.]'' Nazz: "That wasn't gold, fakers!" Sarah: "You gyped us!" Edd: "Exposed." Eddy: "Busted." Ed: "Nope. Can't think of a word." [Nazz snatches the $5 bill from Eddy.] Jimmy: [a bag over his head] "The shame!" Nazz: "Here's your money, Jimmy." ''[Jimmy removes the bag. To the Eds]'' "Grow up." Sarah: "Wait till you get home, Ed." Jimmy: "Charlatans." [The Eds are left alone in the lane.] Ed: "Spending an extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing." Eddy: "What's up with you?" Edd: "Ed's trouserless state seems to have jarred an intellectual moment within the confines of his brain." Eddy: "Ed? Is that you?" Ed: [back to normal] "Hug me!" Eddy: "Well that didn't last long." Ed: "Hug!" [He squeezes Eddy.] Eddy: "Ed!" [He wriggles out of Ed's grip and climbs over the fence.] Ed: [holding his arms wide] "Double D my friend!" Edd: "Please, Ed? Ed, no wait! Eddy!" ''[Edd climbs the fence as well. Ed runs right through it and hugs his friends.]'' Ed: "Hug, guys!" Edd: "Ed you're in your underwear!" Ed: "Okay I feel loved now."