The Monster Isolation


 * Amy Farrah Fowler: You can get animals addicted to a harmful substance, you can dissect their brains, but you throw their own feces back at them, and suddenly you're "unprofessional."


 * Raj Koothrappali: I only said that so you'd go out with me.
 * Lucy: You don't want to do that. I'm kind of broken.
 * Raj Koothrappali: That's great! I'm broken too.
 * Lucy: Oh, no, you're not.
 * Raj Koothrappali: Oh, I totally am! If it wasn't for this beer, I couldn't even talk to you right now. I'm a wreck. There are many things seriously wrong with me. And not quirks, either. Like diagnosable psychological problems. (Pauses) Maybe brain damage.
 * Lucy: How do I know you're not just saying that?
 * Raj Koothrappali: Go out with me on one date, and I promise you you'll see.
 * Lucy: OK. Text me. Bye. [Starts to leave]
 * Raj Koothrappali: (Yelling at her as she leaves) You won't regret it. I'm the most pathetic guy you've ever met. [As he shuts his apartment door] And that boys and girls...is how it's done.


 * Penny: (On stage, as Blanche DuBois) You love her very much, don't you?
 * Tom: (On stage, as Harold “Mitch” Mitchell) Yes.
 * Penny: I think you have a great capacity for devotion.  You will be lonely when she passes on, won't you? ... I understand what that is.
 * Tom: To be lonely?
 * (Amy, Sheldon and Leonard are in the audience)
 * Leonard: (Whispering) She's good, huh?
 * Sheldon: (Whispering) She is, but when do we get to the part about the streetcars?
 * Penny: (Continuing)... when I was a very young girl. When I was sixteen, I made the discovery -- love. All at once and much, much too completely. It was like you suddenly turned a blinding light on something that had always been half a shadow, that's how it struck the world for me. But I was unlucky. Deluded.
 * Leonard: She's remarkable!
 * Sheldon: She really is!
 * Amy: Our Penny's a star!
 * Sheldon: How can she remember all those lines, but as a waitress she can't remember "no tomato" on my hamburger?


 * Sheldon: All right, let’s get this stupid play over with.
 * Leonard: Uh, hang on. Empty your pockets.
 * Sheldon: Why?
 * Leonard: You know why. The Nintendo DS.

(Sheldon pulls a Nintendo DS out of his own jacket and gives it to Leonard)
 * Leonard: And the PSP.

(Sheldon pulls a PSP out of his own jacket and gives it to Leonard) Howard: We could have a PANTS party, go put some on!
 * Leonard: Now the Gameboy.
 * Sheldon: Aw, for Pete’s sake. (puts out Gameboy from his own jacket and gives it to Leonard) Can we go now?
 * Leonard: Well, is that all of it?
 * (Sheldon pulls a Rubik’s cube from his pants)
 * Leonard: Just set it down.
 * (Sheldon puts a Rubik's cube to the desk)
 * Amy: Just so you know, this is not a stupid play. A Streetcar Named Desire is an American classic.
 * Sheldon: It’s about streetcars? Oh, great. I won’t need this. (Pulls out an etch-a-sketch.)


 * (The scene of Leonard, Bernadette and Howard entering the door of Raj's apartment)
 * Howard: (shouting) I’m telling you, something’s wrong. I can always feel it when Raj is in trouble.
 * (Bernadette obviously isn't too happy by Howard's shout)
 * Bernadette: Geez, how close were you guys before we got married?
 * Leonard: Don’t look under that rock.
 * (Scene of Howard and Bernadette listening to Leonard knocking).
 * Leonard: Raj, you okay?
 * Howard: You in there?
 * Raj: (off-screen, depressed) Go away!
 * Leonard: Come on, buddy, open up.
 * Howard: We’re worried about you.
 * Raj (off-screen, still depressed): Oh, just because I’ve stopped going to work and answering my phone you think something bad happened? Maybe something good happened.
 * Bernadette: (yells to Raj through the door crossly) Did something good happen?
 * Raj: (off-screen, sobbing) Of course not. Nothing good ever happens.
 * (Opens door. He is wearing a stained vest, his hair is unkempt, and he is drinking wine from a bottle).
 * Leonard: Whoa.
 * Raj: What?
 * Leonard: Nope, just, just, whoa.
 * (Howard, Bernadette and Leonard follow Raj into his apartment)
 * Bernadette: (not very happy by the stench) It smells pretty ripe in here.
 * (Howard twitches his mouth for a second)
 * Bernadette: You kind feel it in your eyes.
 * (Howard shakes his head)
 * Leonard: (worried) Raj, what’s going on?
 * Raj: I was humiliated by yet another woman.
 * Howard: You didn’t kill her and chop her up, that’s not what we’re smelling, right?
 * Raj: No. I took her for coffee, and she snuck out the bathroom window to get away from me.
 * Bernadette: (she is really concerned) Oh, you poor baby.
 * Raj: I went and looked. It was a high and tiny window.
 * (Bernadette is not really impressed by this)
 * Raj: She must have been very motivated.
 * Howard: I’m sorry. That’s awful, but come on, you got to shake it off.
 * Leonard: Yeah, you can’t stay in your apartment for the rest of your life.
 * Raj: Why not? With online shopping and overnight delivery, I can get anything I want. Look, I just ordered a case of Dinty Moore beef stew and two live lobsters on Amazon.
 * Leonard: Lobsters overnight?
 * Howard: Oh, you’re kidding. Let me see. Well, I’ll be. Look, you can throw in a couple steaks and have a surf and turf.
 * (Bernadette looks up with puzzlement as if she is about to get cross)
 * Leonard: The surf and turf sounds good. See if they have corn on the cob.
 * (The furious Bernadette claps her hands at Howard and Leonard angrily)
 * Bernadette: (she yells at them crossly) Guys, we’re trying to get him out of here, not you in.
 * Raj: You’re wasting your time. Just please, leave me alone.
 * (Raj exits to his bedroom and the sound of door slamming is played to the scene of Leonard, Bernadette and Howard thinking to themselves)
 * Howard: Now what?
 * Leonard: I don’t know.
 * (Bernadette unhappily comes up with one plan)
 * Bernadette: We could go to Red Lobster and talk about it.
 * (Howard looks down at his wife for a second whilst Leonard thinks for a bit).
 * Bernadette (she is now extremely cross) We’re all thinking it. I just had the decency to wait for him to leave.
 * (Bernadette gets up and exits in fury. Howard and Leonard start to follow her).