First Kiss

Now, this is why it's great we own a sandwich shop. Everybody in the school caf always bows down to this bad boy. Are those mashed potatoes on a sandwich? On a bed of chicken strips with a peanut-butter blanket. - What'd you make? - A sandwich, not a Dumpster. Tuna fish on wheat. Tuna fish on wheat? That's gonna be our sandwich. Do you know what our song is? - Hey, there's my girlfriend. - That sounds like a cute song. Justin? That's a nice-looking sandwich. What do you call it? - To the Max. - Okay. I'll take one of those. - Well - Sell it, dummy. You can make another one. That'll be $80. - What? - Okay, for senior citizens, $4. Oh, I love your family's shop. Have you ever thought of maybe blacking out the windows and painting the walls, I don't know, black? Yeah, I think you're gonna be easy to shop for. He's hanging out with that goth girl, Morticia. It's Miranda. Look, Harper, as your best friend, I'm gonna give it to you straight. I think he really likes this girl. Fine, but it's so totally obvious that he's dating her because she looks like me. Yeah, you both have faces. Max, you're gonna be late for school. Come on, get out of here. Bye, Dad. Bye, Mom. Hey, excuse me. Your son made me this sandwich. Oh, I'm sorry. Look, he's only 12. No, no, no. It's terrific. I'm Jeff Malone, concessions manager and backup announcer for Shea Stadium. We're considering local delis to provide the official sandwich of the New York Mets, Mets, Mets, Mets. I think you should submit this sandwich for consideration. Theresa, honey. This guy is from the New York Mets, and he wants to consider us for their official sandwich. Which sandwich? The one your son made. To the Max. - That's not really - A bad idea. That's not a bad idea at all. To the Max is one of our most popular creations. - Just get Max to make one for us later. - Okay. Great. My sandwich associates from the New York Mets, Mets, Mets, Mets, and I will be by on Saturday for judging. Great. Let's go Mets, Mets, Mets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unbelievable. I know. Your parents are so cool. Come on, buddy, just picture the sandwich in your mind. Yeah, Maxy. I've seen you make it before. What do you start off with? Yeah, I don't know. I just throw stuff together. Okay, let me think. I started with liquorice. Liquorice on a sandwich? No, I ate some liquorice, and then I started my sandwich. - It had ham. - Okay. It had bologna, yogurt. - Yogurt? - Yogurt? On a sandwich? That's disgusting. That's the point. I just can't remember. What are we gonna do, Jerry? The New York Mets, Mets, Mets want the sandwich that Max made. Well, maybe we can throw a bunch of stuff together like he does, Max can taste it, tell us what's missing, until we find the right combination. - What do you say, Max? - Okay. Whatever it takes to help Dad. That's the spirit, son. Let's go. Come on, grab a bun. - Weren't you scared? - A little. Rook to queen bishop 4 is always a risk, but that's just how I roll. - Is your hand sweaty too? - Yeah. I have enormous glands. I don't mind. I don't get it. Justin's so full of life and she's so full of Halloween. I don't know, Harper, maybe on Halloween, she'll dress up as you. She could never pull this off. I make a lot of my own clothes. Oh, which reminds me, I need some more egg cartons. Is your hand still sweaty? Yeah. But I like it. So I'll see you tomorrow? - Yeah. - Yeah. Tomorrow. What? Shaking hands? Were you saying goodbye or closing a deal? Why didn't you kiss her? It's none of your business. Look, Justin, you know a lot of stuff about stuff people really don't care about, which is great, but I know about relationships. I know how girls think. So do I. They're right-brain dominant and they have a slightly larger hypothalamus. There you go again, knowing stuff people don't care about. Okay, okay. I'm saying that I'd be open to suggestions. Good, because Miranda really wants you to kiss her. I can tell because she brightens from tragic to just gloomy when she's around you. - So? - So if you don't do it soon, she's gonna think you're really not into her. Then someone's gonna have to play chess by themselves. I already do that. You ever think of this, Miss Smarty-Pants? Maybe I don't wanna kiss her. Okay, I'll be spreading that rumour around. Look. Okay, I know this is gonna be hard to believe, but I've never kissed a girl. I find it hard to believe that you think that I find that hard to believe. Hey, I'm on it. I thought if I picked a girl that I didn't like, that it'd be less scary. That's why I picked Miranda. Now guess what? I like her and I'm scared again. All right, this is what we're gonna do. First of all, take out $5. - Why? - I need $5. Second, tomorrow, when you walk her to school, take her by that scary, abandoned house. Right, because she'll think I'm brave. No, you'll get scared and she'll comfort you. - That's when you plant one on her. - Okay, that's a great idea. Thanks. Do you have five ones for this 5? Great, because my 5 was lonely. Does anybody see anything? Yeah, that little squiggly thing in the back of your throat. We are looking for someone at Shea Stadium making our sandwich, so we can see what's in our sandwich. Now, concentrate. If I go back in time and look into a crystal ball, will I see me looking into this crystal ball? Okay, that is not concentrating. Now Now that was cool. It's irreplaceable. L What am I gonna do? I know. Okay. Here, Justin, here. Do this spell on the crystal ball. When I had my powers, it was a lifesaver. Say, "Mcreary-timereary. " - Why? - Just say it. Oh, and do this: Mcreary-timereary Did we just go back in time? I have got to learn that. - Mcreary-time - Oh, no, no, no. That spell is just for emergencies. It rewinds time for a few seconds to give wizards a chance to correct a dire mistake. No questions. - You mean like a do-over spell? - Yes. But it's too dangerous. Don't even think about it, all right? It bends time and space, and you're not ready for it. No more questions. Do people remember there's been a do-over spell? Only people in the magical world. Regular people have d�j� vu. Stop asking questions. So that's where d�j� vu comes from. - I said, no more questions. - It wasn't a question. Hey, I have one. What's d�j� vu? Well, it's when you feel like something's happened before. For example, Dad, do you have $5? - Why? - Because I need $5. D�j� vu, huh, Justin? So how did the big first-kiss go? It didn't happen. Why not? Because when I went to pick her up, she didn't wanna go to a scary house. She wanted to go through some dark alley instead. But a dark alley's even better than a scary house. But you said scary house. I was totally focused on the scary house. The point is she wanted you to kiss her. Why didn't you take my advice? Lots of people do. I'm the one that told Vice Principal Clements to fix his dead tooth. Now he's getting married. - Okay, I panicked. - Panicked? Well, now you gotta kiss her quick, or else all she'll think you guys will ever be is just friends. That's never gonna happen. She's into me and I'm into her. That could change in a hurry. Plenty of other guys think she's pretty. No way. Everyone around here knows we're kind of going out. - You know, people respect that. - Oh, really? - Well, let's see about that. Hey, Matt? - Hey. Miranda's pretty cute, right? Yeah. You know, I got a note from her in seventh grade, said she liked me. Bet you she still does too want me. That's too bad. I hear she's going out with Justin. - Who's Justin? - I'm Justin. So? Okay. Thanks, Matt. No, thank you for the heads up on Miranda. Yo, Miranda, wait up there a sec. What did you just do? I just proved that not only do I know girls, but I also know guys. No, you got Matt to ask out my girlfriend. Wait, I can fix this. Here's a cute girl. Kiss her. This is my Spanish teacher. I think I just told her my name is Library. Well, Mr. Library, you should check out a book on kissing. Thanks a lot. Look, Justin, I'm really sorry, but you have to admit, Miss Gonzalez is a young-looking teacher. I don't care about Mrs. Gonzalez. I care about how my girlfriend's going to the movies with a guy that my sister set her up with. Will you relax? Lt'll all work out because I know relationships. You keep saying you know things and you don't. Hey, I was right about Miranda wanting to kiss you, and I was right about Matt thinking she was pretty. Okay, fine, you were right. Feel better? Because I don't. Look, Justin, the only thing getting in the way here is you. You know what, I know. I've had a ton of chances to kiss Miranda. I'm just mad at you because I'm mad at me. You are? Yeah, you are. And if Miranda's ready to kiss me, you know what? I should be ready to kiss her. And it's not too late. - Yeah, it's not too late. - And this time, I'm gonna be ready. What are you doing? Starting my training montage. It's close but this one has too much teriyaki. Honey, we didn't put any teriyaki on it. Then it needs teriyaki. This one has too much cheese, this one needs barbecue sauce, and this one tastes like armpit. How do you even know that? Wrestling. Honey, calm down. Max is doing the best he can. Right, I know. Okay. Buddy, I know you're trying as hard as you can. It's just, if we can become the official sandwich of the New York Mets, our life will be gravy. That's what's missing, gravy. Gravy? Then what are we doing standing around talking about it? Oh, come on, gravy. Come on, gravy. Come on. - That's it. To the Max. - Yeah. To the Max. Tastes even better the second time. So heard you're going out with a guy named Justin. - Right, Justin? - I thought we were, but I don't know. That's cool. Yeah, totally. Do you play video games at all? You know, with a v? - Do you know who makes video games? - No. Corporate America. I hate corporate America. I'm starting a school club about it. We're looking for sponsors. Hey, guys. Matt. Hey, Matt, why don't you go get us some popcorn? Yeah, I'll buy. Here. Twenty bucks? Thanks, dude. I can go play some "Nitro Burning Funny Cars. " Oh, yeah. Why are you here with him? We're kind of going out. I know we hold hands and stuff, but you act like we're just friends. - She was right. - Who was right? Me. I was so right. I told him if he didn't kiss you soon, you were gonna think that he wasn't all that into you. And that's what you were thinking, right? Alex, what are you doing here? Look, I felt bad, so I came down here to make sure that you kiss her. - You were gonna kiss me? - Well, it's not a surprise now, is it? Sorry. I'll be back here if you need me. All right, just for that, I'm leaving my cell phone on. Oh, look at those lovebirds. It's so great when things work out. Harper. What are you doing here? I'm not Harper. I'm just a theatre seat, keeping an eye on my boyfriend. You made an outfit to match the theatre seats? Don't be freaked out if you can't see me. It's time to go to work. You were gonna kiss me? Well, only if you wanted to kiss me. Do you? Or is me asking totally ruining the moment? Nope. - I'll go left, you go right. - Then we'll both be going the same way. Oh, yeah. Let's both go left. Justin, I'm a little nervous. This is our first kiss. Don't worry, I'll guide you through it. Miranda, I'm so sorry. I'll get some napkins. Where are you going? Why didn't you kiss her yet? I spilled soda all over her. She's never gonna kiss me now. - Wait, do it over. - What do you mean? The spell that Dad used on the crystal ball. No way. Dad said that's for emergency use only. Because you don't know I'm your girlfriend, doesn't mean you can sneak around behind my back. How does that do-over spell sound now? - Like it should have already happened. - Now we're talking. Mcreary-timereary Justin, I'm a little nervous. This is our first kiss. I know. I mean, let me move this. This is gonna be a long night. Mcreary-timereary And that's why it's called: - To the Max. - Right? - Nothing like it in the city. - Kind of a buffet on a bun. What did I tell you? Is this the sandwich for the New York Mets, Mets, Mets, Mets or what? You're right. This is delicious. Congratulations, Mr. And Mrs. Russo, To the Max is now the official sandwich of the New York And that's why it's called: - To the Max. - Right? Dad, what just happened? I don't know. Good, but kind of familiar. You're right. It's tasty, but familiar. Familiar? It's a sandwich with popcorn. And that's why it's called: - To the Max. - Right? - Nothing really new here. - You're right. A better name would be D�j� Vu, because somehow I feel like I've tasted this before. It's the do-over spell. - I swear I'm not doing it. - I know. But I'm pretty sure I know who is. Mcreary-timereary Mcreary-timereary Gross. Justin, that's 17 do-overs already. What's wrong? I'm nervous. I'll get it this time. Okay, fine. Mcreary-time - Hi, Daddy. - Hi. So how's the sandwich-tasting go? I don't know, it's still going on, and on and on. Dad, what are you doing here? No, the question is, what is Alex doing the do-over spell for? I specifically told you never to use it. Actually, it's my fault, Dad. I'm here with Miranda and I'm He's trying to have his first kiss and he just can't get it right. First kiss? I thought that happened years ago. - I'll just take Miranda home. - Wait, Justin. - How many times did you use the spell? - I don't know. Seventeen? Well, I guess if you break a rule 17 times, an 18th doesn't make a difference. Justin, you think you can get it right if we do it over one more time? - Yeah. - Okay. - Alex, do your magic. - Thanks, Dad. Mcreary-timereary So I guess we're not the official sandwich of the New York Mets, huh? The last thing they said was, after one bite, they were tired of eating it. Isn't that weird? Yeah, weird. Justin got his first kiss. Don't make a big deal. Your first kiss? Oh, my baby, you're growing up. Come here, come here. Let me give you your second one. Mom. Hey, how about you, Alex? What was your first kiss like? Oh, you know, like everyone else's. You already had your first kiss and I missed it? Oh, tell me, tell me everything. No, not everything. She's my little girl. What's his name? I'll make him cry. Jerry. Tell us about it, honey. It was at this place with this guy. And it was very romantic. Over Christmas vacation. We went to see Grandma and Grandpa over Christmas. Hold on, she's lying. You haven't kissed anyone. I totally have this over you. - No, you don't. - You're right. So when I go to school and tell everyone you haven't kissed anyone, no one will care. Yeah. Hey, Justin. Now you've got nothing over me.