Torn Between Two Hannahs


 * Oliver: [when they can't tell who's who] I have an idea.
 * Lilly: What?
 * Oliver: Both of you, kiss me!
 * Luanne: Okay!
 * Miley: Ew!
 * Oliver: That's Miley. [points to the real Miley]




 * Miley: Dad, that's awesome. That is the best song you've ever written, I can't wait to record it. What's the bad news?
 * Lilly: Bad news? What are you talking about? It's a great song!
 * Robby: Thank you, Lilly! You know I've always liked her.
 * Miley: Don't change the subject. Every time there's bad news, he tries to soften it up with a great song. Best of Both Worlds- had to get braces. This is the Life- Jackson decided not to go to sleepaway camp. Pumpin' Up the Party- my goldfish died.
 * Oliver: When my goldfish died, my mom flushed it down the toilet. I'll never forget her comforting words: "Get over it, Oliver. It's a stinkin' fish."
 * Lilly: That explains so much.
 * Miley: Come on dad, just tell me. I can handle it.
 * Robby: [sighs; quickly] Your cousin Luanne's coming to visit, who wants pie? [Miley freezes]
 * Lilly and Robby Ray: Miley? Miley?
 * Oliver: What kind of pie?
 * Robby: Come on, Mile. Don't forget that wonderful, wonderful song that I just wrote you that you love so much.




 * Mr. Dontzig: AAAHH! Two Stewarts! [grabs candy and stuffs it in his pocket] AAAHH! [grabs the whole pot of candy and runs] AAAHH!




 * Luann: Well, that took you long enough to figure that out, Lulu.
 * Lilly (as Lola): It's Lola.
 * Luann: Whatever! Lilly, Lola, Lulu. You might as well go by "Purple Hair!




 * Oliver: [after Luanne gets up on stage] Hey guys, I found her. She's up on stage!
 * Miley: [sarcastically] Good work!




 * Oliver: Have no fear ladies. [pulls out small sword] The Masked Musketeer has a plan.
 * Miley: Great! My life is in the hand of Count Chest Hair.




 * Oliver: [when he and Miley walk into the party] You know, I had a dream like this once. Except the room was filled with Jessica Simpsons and I had more than one chest hair.




 * Miley: And what has all this taught you?
 * Robby: That I should believe my kids when they say their cousins are evil.
 * Miley: And?
 * Robby: That I should always bring my cell phone when I leave the house in case my daughter gets tied up in her closet.
 * Miley: And?
 * Robby: I'm sorry.




 * Robby: C'mon, let's not forget who pulled you out of that well when you were six.
 * Miley: And let's not forget who pushed me in!




 * Robby: Like I've always told you, an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
 * Mr. Dontzig: Stewart! [comes running into house] Stewart! You gotta help me! Those candy-grabbers are like piranha! They're coming by the busload. It's like someone put an ad in the paper.
 * Robby: The paper? Why, that's way too slow. If somebody wanted to get information out fast, they'd just run down Pacific Coast Highway with a bullhorn.
 * Mr. Dontzig: You didn't.
 * Robby: [picks up bullhorn] Oh yes I did. Gotcha. [turns to door] Okay kids, come on in, don't be shy.
 * Mr. Dontzig: Curse you, Stewart! [runs away]
 * Miley': Dad, what about revenge making the whole world blind?
 * Robby: I was teaching that to you; it's too late for me.