Gown and Out

[The episode starts at Royal Woods Elementary, where they are hosting the Little Miss Royal Woods Pageant.] Cheryl: "Welcome back to the Little Miss Royal Woods Pageant. Up next, we are kicking off the talent portion with Lola Loud and her famous ribbon dance!" [A spotlight shines on Lola as she twirls her ribbon the air.] Lola: "It's Lola." [She performs the ribbon dance as her family cheers her on.] Lincoln: "Notice how the ribbon never touches the floor. Sign of a real pro."

[The interview portion] Cheryl: "How would you define true beauty?" Lola: "To me, true beauty means having big hair and an even bigger heart."

Crowd: [touched] "Awwwwww!" Lincoln: "Yes! Perfect balance of sap and sass." Lynn: "Ok, how do you know this junk?" Lincoln: "Do you seriously not remember when I was the twins' pageant coach?" [notices something] "Shhh! They're announcing the winner!" Cheryl: "And your next Little Miss Royal Woods is...!" [The audience gasps in shock] "You guessed it." [The audience gasps again] "Lola!" Lola: [surprised] "Whaaat?" [Cheryl places the crown on top of Lola's head as the audience cheers.]

[Backstage, Lola meets up with her family.] Rita: "Oh, we are so proud of you, sweetie!" Lola: "Thanks, you guys. It was nothing." Cheryl: [comes in with some papers] "I have some exciting news, sweetie. Winning this title qualifies you for the Little Miss Southeastern Michigan Pageant!" Lola: [suprised to hear this] "Wha-? A-A regional pageant? I've never competed at that level before." Cheryl: "Pack your bags! Cause it's a coming up next weekend!" Lola: "Wow!" Lynn Sr.: "Next weekend? I have my pastry workshop." Rita: "And I have my dental conference." Lola: "But, but it's my first shot at the big time!" [Rita and Lynn Sr. then thought of something and look at Lori.] Lori: [Holding her phone] "Are you looking at me? I can feel you looking at me. Uh, look, no offense, but being a pageant chaperone... isn't really how I planned to spend my weekend."

Rita: "What if we threw in a spa package? Hmm?"

Lori: "You literally have a deal."

Lola: [cheers at this and hugs Lori] "Thanks, Lori!"

''[Next weekend comes with Lori and Lola at the Caribou Suites Hotel. Lori is carrying Lola's luggage.]'' Lola: "Lola Loud, checking in for Little Miss Southeastern Michigan." [Notices other pageant participants texting on their phones.] "Hi, I'm Lola. Isn't it exciting to be competing in the big leagues?" Chinah: "Well, not as exciting as nationals last year. It could be fun. Hi, I'm Chinah, with two H's." Jackie: "She holds the record for the most titles won before age 7." Chinah: "Oh, that's nothing. Jackie here does toothpaste commercials." [Jackie shows her pearly whites.] Claudette: "And my name is Claudette." Lola: "Woah! Are those sequins French crystal?" Claudette: "Oui. All of my gowns are made in Paris. Aren't yours?" Lola: [chuckles nervously] Lori: "Come on, Lola, I've got our room key." Lola: "Heh, oh darn. Gotta run." [dashes off] "Okay, okay, stay cool, Lola. Just 'cause these girls have fancy dresses, shiny teeth, and names with extra letters doesn't mean you can't compete with them, heh!" [Groans while Lori struggles to carry the luggage, and ends up tripping backward.]

[Lola and Lori are outside the stage where the rehearsals are.] Lori: "Well, good luck at rehearsal. Not that you need it." Lola: "Thanks, sis. Enjoy your spa day." Lori: "Ah, believe me. I will." [Scene changes to her at the spa] "What do you mean you're full? Can't you please squeeze me in? I'll take your worst masseuse." Clerk: "Mmm, I'm afraid Greg's booked, too. We had like 12 pageant moms request deep tissue." Lori: [sighs] "Yeah, I get that. It's okay. I'll just try again tomorrow." Pageant Mom: "Ow! Greg, that's my spleen!" [Back with Lola...] Announcer: "Next up, talent! Jackie, let's see your gymnastics routine." Lola: "Oh, tumbling. Cute." Announcer: [Jackie begins her routine] "And there she goes! Giant swing with a full release! She spins 360 degrees and a half turn with climb, jump, and a handstand!" Lola: [Gasps in amazement] Jackie: "Eh, not my best." Announcer: "Next up, we have Lola performing...Oh, a-a ribbon dance. Cute." [Lola nervously walks up with her ribbon, which gets caught in a nail on the floorboard, sending her flying backward.]

[Later on...] Announcer: "What is the single most significant event in human history?" Chinah: "Great question! It depends whether we approach from a socioeconomic or geopolitical perspective." Lola: [decides to bail after hearing this.] "Gah, excuse me! Excuse me!"

[Lori is watching The Dream Boat in the hotel room when Lola comes in.] Lori: "Oh, hey, beauty queen. How were rehearsals? Did you kill it?" Lola: "Uh...yeah. You know it. Crown's in the bag. Uh...I'm just gonna go steam up my pores for tomorrow." [Lola walks into the bathroom, turns on the sink, and sulks against the bathtub as she calls Lincoln on her phone.] Lincoln: "Lola, what's wrong? [gasps] Did your hair fall flat?"

Lola: "No, it's not my hair. It's the other contestants. They're... um..." [whispers it into the phone.] Lincoln: "What was that?"

Lola: "They're... BETTER than I am! What if I don't win? What if I looo... loooo... ooooo..." [starts to get nauseous] "I can't even say it without getting nauseous!"

Lincoln: "Lola, you're not going to lose! You're a pageant powerhouse! Now make sure you get to bed early tonight, you don't want to wake up all puffy eyed and blotchy."

Lola: "Yeah, yeah..." [picks up an eyeliner and gets an idea.] "Or do I...?"

[The next morning, Lori is waking up from her sleep.] Lori: [yawns, but then sees Lola pretending to be sick.] "Ah!" [gasps] "Lola! What happened?" Lola: [fake coughs and imitates a scratched up voice.] "I don't know. I do feel a little under the weather, but, the pageant must go on." Lori: [lays Lola back down] "Whoa, whoa, whoa. You are clearly sick. I'm so sorry, Lola, I know how much you wanted to compete but, you just can't." Lola: [sighs] "That's alright. I'll get over it, someday." [her expression changes to a happy tone.] "Well, enjoy the spa." Lori: "Pssh, forget the spa. I am staying right here. Maybe a fun sister day will help cheer you up." Lola: "What?! No! Y-Y-You don't have to do that." Lori: "I know I don't want to, I have to. Now, sit tight. I'm gonna hit the gift shop for supplies." [Lola whimpers]

''[Later, Lola's bed was crowded with heart-shaped balloons and flowers. Lori enters.]'' Lori: "I'm back~." [gasps] Oh, good, the flowers and balloons arrived. First up, mani-pedis. I got coral and sea foam, you get first pick. Lola: 'Whoa, these are the fancy brand." Lori: "What's money when you have a sick sister?" Lola: "Ugh." Lori: [on the phone] "Room service? I'd like two chocolate chip cookies. Warm please, with your coldest milk."  Lola: "But those cookies are $5.95 each!"  Lori: "What else am I going to do with my really hard earned babysitting money?" [Lola looks down sadly.]

 Lori: "And, the winner of the Little Miss Unsightly Skin Rash Pageant is... Miss Lola Loud!" [singing] "Oh, Little Miss Unsightly Skin Rash." [scatting] [Right then, Lola starts crying, unable to take this anymore.] Lori: "Lola! What's wrong? Is your condition getting worse?" Lola: "No, I don't have a condition, unless you count being a terrible person. I'm not really sick. I faked all this with makeup to get out of the pageant." [sniffling] Lori: "But why? I don't understand." Lola: [sits on the bed] "Well, I've never competed at this level before, and the other girls are really talented. I couldn't stand the idea of lo--lo--lo... [retches] Lori: "Losing?" Lola: "Yeah, that thing. I'm sorry I lied. I understand if you're mad." Lori: [sits next to her] "Actually, Lols, I'm not." Lola: "Really?" Lori: "No, I get it. I almost skipped homecoming because I was worried I wouldn't win queen." [Flashback to Lori that day in her room looking sad in front of her mirror, she then looks at her dress.] "But... in the end, I sucked it up, put on my dress, and went anyway." [Grabs her dress. End of flashback.] "And I'm so glad I did." Lola: [Slightly confused] "But, I thought Carol Pingrey won homecoming queen?" Lori: "Oh, she totally did," [Flashback to Carol receiving her crown, and Lori looking on with disappointment.] "and it definitely hurt at first." [Just then, her beloved Bobby-Boo-Boo-Bear offers her his hand.] "But, if I hadn't have gone, I would have missed out on an amazing night" [Bobby pulls his beloved Babe onto the dance floor and the two have an amazing night. End of flashback.] "The competition is going to get tougher as you get older, but you can't let it stop you from-" Lola: [Finishing Lori's sentence] "Doing what makes me happy." Lori: "Exactly! So what do you say? You still wanna do this thing? Lola: [Remorseful] "Yes, but it's too late, the pageant starts in ten minutes and look at me, I'm a complete disaster." Lori: "Don't worry, I'm calling an expert." [Pulls out her phone, and speed dials a boy with white hair.] Lincoln: "Okay Lori, grab a makeup wipe, the one with the green tea extract, we don't need to be irritating the skin right now." Lori: [Following Lincoln's instructions] "One with green tea extract, check." Lincoln: "And, start warming up the curling iron while your at it." [Lori does so, but Lincoln groans.] "The one inch barrel, not the three quarters, have you ever heat styled before, woman?"

[That night at the pageant.] Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Little Miss Southeastern Michigan Pageant." [Starts singing] "Beautiful girls, I'm talking 'bout the beautiful girrrrls." [Backstage, Lola is quivering with fear.] "Just crazy for the beautiful girrrrrrrrls." Lori: "Go get 'em, Lola." Lincoln: [Through video chat] "Remember; eyes forward, chin up, tushy clenched." Announcer: "Let's meet our contestants" [Lola hurries onstage to join the others.] "Let's hear it for these beautiful girrrrrrls." ''[The crowd applauds. Later on in the pageant.]'' "Lola Loud and her ribbon dance." ''[Gives Lola the stage. Lola spins her ribbon and performs like there's nothing to it.]'' Lincoln: "It's like she's one with the ribbon." Lori: "Literally." [Later, it's time for the interview.] Lola: "As partial as I an to a sparkly tiara, I'd have to say that a girl's most important accessory is her brain." [The audience loves Lola.] Lincoln: "Yes." Lori: "So good."

[The pageant is almost concluded.] Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in. Can we please bring out all our beautiful girrrrls? [Said beautiful girls come out on stage, hands in hands, and the audience cheers.] "The second runner up to Little Miss Southeastern Michigan is... Claudette. [Claudette is honored and steps up, the other girls, and Lola, clap for her, and rejoin hands when the announcer continues.] "The first runner up iiiissssssss... Jackie. [Jackie does what Claudette did.] Lola: [To herself] "Oh my gosh, one left, I could win, I could still-" Announcer: "And your next Little Miss Southeastern Michigan iiiiiiiissssssssssssssss... [Lola gains confidence] "Chinah." ''[Lola is now disappointed. Chinah goes up and receives her sash.]'' "She's Little Miss Southeastern Michigan." ''[Lola is still bummed that she lost, but claps anyway. She then looks over to her chaperone and her coach.]'' Lori: "Lols," [in union with Lincoln] "You were so great, Lola." Lincoln: "Way to go." Lola: [Feeling a lot better] "Congratulations, Chinah." ''[The crowd applauds. The pageant is over, Lola slides to Lori and gives her a big hug.]'' Lori: "Aww, you done good out there, sis." Lincoln: "Your best work since last fall's Little Miss Fusion Cuisine Pageant." Lola: "Thanks guys, you were right, Lori. Even though I lo-, lo-." [Sighs, knowing she can't say it, and then smiles.] "didn't win," [eye twitches] "I'm really glad I did it." Jackie: "Nice job, Lola, we're gonna have to watch out for you next year." [Casually leaves] Lincoln: "Speaking of next year, Lola, I think we should add some tumbling moves to your ribbon dance, I'll-" [Lori turns her phone, and her brother, off.] Lori: "Goodbye, Lincoln. Now come on, you and I are going to hit the spa for some well deserved pampering. Word of advice though, do not ask for Greg."