For Love and Apartments

(THEME SONG PLAYING) We're putting Topanga's parents back together. Cory, I know you think we can do anything, but we can't. Why not? Shawnie, do you honestly believe there's something the two of us can't do? I don't want to get into this with you right now. I just don't want to go to Pittsburgh, okay? It's cold. It's flu season. There's steel all over the place. What's the problem, Shawnie? These are adults. It's not like we can just go, "Hey, Debbie likes you. " We just wanted to come by and get the rest of our stuff. We're in the apartment now, you know. Why do you need to be so somber? Cory, the only relationship I believed in more than ours is dead, and I'm not somber. I want you to turn that frown upside down. Stop it. Yeah, Cory, don't. Don't what? Don't be the only one who knows the four of us should be together? Well, I'm gonna fix you and I'm gonna fix you and I'm gonna fix you. And then I'm gonna take a bath. Goodbye. Goodbye, mopey. Don't make fun of me. Insensitive jerk. And she's gonna be Mrs. Insensitive Jerk. Shawn Angela Okay, here's, like, an hour out of my life. I can't be in a relationship right now. Fine. You know what? That's absolutely fine. But this is you. And if you walk out that door, I'm just gonna forget that you ever existed. I'll do anything to get her back. Let's ride. This place is perfect for us. I like it. I'm glad we gave up our apartment. Bachelor pad. Our masculine kingdom. (SIGHING) Yep. That is one big freaking picture of the Backstreet Boys. The BSB rocks. I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation. I'm a loser. I want my apartment back. This place is for girls! Look, nail polish. Oh, oh, do me! First, me hands. And then, me feets. All right, you know, you need to calm down. You know something, you're right. You're right. I'm sorry. We've got to get our apartment back. You're right, man. I can't spend another second in this place. And why not? Because the cute one's looking at me. You think Howie's the cute one? I thought Nick was the cute one. Oh, let's get the hell out of here. Howie's the one with the hat. All right, boys, what have you got for me? We've got bullies, man, big vicious bullies. What do we do? I'll tell you what you do, you stand up to them. Even if they're girl Rillas! Even if they're gorillas, big banana-eating gorillas? By definition, bullies will back down, whether they're banana-eating gorillas or three cute little coeds who have made a mockery of your name. Oh, no, my name's Mockery. How How did you know that? Dude, you're the laughing stock of the college. (ALL LAUGHING) Jack, everybody's laughing at you. (LAUGHING) Look at his hair and everything. The shirt (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY) Cory, Cory, before we actually start interfering with these people's lives, don't you think we should find out why they split up in the first place? It's insignificant, Shawnie. It's unimportant. Okay? This is Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence. We've known these people all our lives. They're in love with each other, and they do not want to split up. Trust me. I once caught him grabbing her tushie and going, "Aooga. " I don't want to go in there. Shawn, do you want to be back with Topangela or not? Topangela? I'm I'm I'm just trying to save time here. Topanga's father has always hated me. He once threw a rock at my head. Cory You're a long way from Philadelphia, aren't you? I'm here to save your life. Hunter. Wow. I told you. (CLEARING THROAT) Uh, this is what's known as a transitional place, boys. Uh, sorry for the mess. Well, I hope you don't mind my saying this, but this is a real pity. Whoa, man, it's a human tragedy, huh, Cor? Is that too much? Cory, why are you here? I'm here because I want you to leave this place and go back to your lovely home. Listen, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but my wife and I are better off without each other. No, no, you're not. Listen, Mr. Lawrence, I have known you two my entire life, all right? I know how much you love each other. I saw you go, "Aooga. " You saw that? Yes, I did. You didn't see "Honk, honk," did you? No! No. Listen, thanks for coming, guys, but I'll be just fine. Dirty dishes and wrinkled shirts is fine? I mean, what do you got here, Mr. Lawrence? You got ESPN and a six-pack. You got nothing. Cory, what gives you the right to talk to me like that? Love. (STUTTERING) That I believe in its power and its purpose, and that somehow you've forgotten. So I guess that gives me the right to remind you. You've got a lot of confidence, Cory. Well, you know, to tell you the truth, it's not just for you. Well, actually, Shawn and I really miss Topangela. Time, time I'm just trying to save time. Why don't you like me? Is it because growing up you thought I was a little hood? No, it's because of the time I went down to the basement and caught you making out with Topanga. Oh, see, Shawn What did you do? I'm kidding, Cory. It was always you in the basement. (CHUCKLES) It was always me in the basement. I spent many happy years in that basement Didn't get nothin'. So, why don't you like me? Because I always thought it was gonna be you in the basement with Topanga. Hunter, I was scared of you (CHUCKLING) When actually, I should have been scared of him. (BOTH LAUGHING) You turned out to be a good kid, Hunter. I was wrong. Maybe I'm wrong about a lot of things. I want you to see your wife again. I can't. Can't you please just see your wife again? I can't! Look, don't you feel that you owe her that much? Cory, she kicked me out! Cory, we're done. If you love somebody, how can you be done? You're young. You don't understand what happens when people fall out of love. No, no, I See, I don't believe that. You're angry at each other, okay? Like my parents get, but then they remember that they love each other, and everything's okay again. Cory, we're not your parents. We're different people in a different situation. Do you understand that your daughter doesn't even believe in love anymore, because she thinks that you don't? Cory, if you and Topanga truly love each other, you'll be fine. Look, I want you to be fine, okay? Now, will you see your husband, please? (SIGHS) No. (SCOFFS) Will you see your husband, please? No. Will you see your husband, please? Oh, man! Do you think he's backing down? He's not backing down. (SIGHING) Oh. Look, he'll come over here, okay? And everything will be good again. Don't you want everything to be good again? Yes, I want everything to be good again. It's just not as easy as that. Yes, it is. Look, I know you two, okay? I know how much you love each other. Cory, why are you doing this? I don't know. I guess I'm paying you back for the 2,000 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches you made me. He really wants to see me? You're not just saying that because you think it's right? I would never do that. We want our apartment back and we want it now! You're bullies, is all you are, and I, for one, have never backed down from a bully. I really respect that, Jack. You guys are such strong men. What strong men. Can I offer a slight suggestion? Of course you may. How about we settle this right now? How about we kick your squirrelly butts right now? Do you guys have any idea what is going on in my life right now? Do you have any idea how much anger I have inside of me? A lot? Steel cage match! Tag team! Whoever lives gets this apartment. (MOCK LAUGHING) Let me get this Straight. Ha! You three girly girls Want to wrestle us manly men? Do the thing with the arms. Do the thing. Look at that It's just a little thing. Boom! Are you sure about this, Topanga? (WAR CRY) (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (WAR CRY) It's supposed to be an empty can, Eric. Let's go. Bring it on. Dude, what did Cory do to her? All right. Wait, wait, wait. Wait! How're we supposed to wrestle without a referee? Yeah, he's right. We can't do this. Huh? Huh? No, there's no way, think about it No, there's a way. There is no possible way to do this. There is a way. How are we going to do it without a referee? Where am I? (BELL DINGING) It's nice to meet you, Mankind. Are you having a nice day? Nice to meet you, governor. Yeah. Good luck. Thank you so much for refereeing. This shouldn't take too long. Okay, the rules are simple, there will be absolutely no touching the girls above the belt. No, wait, hang on a second. There will be none of this. (GRUNTING) There'll be none of this. (YELLING) And there will be absolutely none of this. Sounds good. All right, let's bring it! (BELL DINGS) (GRUNTING) Uh! Rachel, I can't I can't fight you. You're too Look at this. You're too sweet. Oh, Jack, that is really sweet of you. That is sweet. Oh, thank you. Oh! Oh! (GRUNTING) Oh, I broke a nail. Angela! We've got a tag! Oh, my God. Are you okay? (MUFFLED) I'm kind of still groggy, but I'm okay. No! No! No, don't tag me. Don't tag me. Don't tag me. For crying out loud, show some dignity, guys. (BOYS GRUNTING) Get in there and wrestle! Jack, I don't know where to grab. All I see are girly parts. Don't touch those! All right, there's three of them. This is unfair. Yeah! Oh, the only things that are not fair is this (GRUNTING IN PAIN) And this Okay, bring it on. (WEAKLY) This apartment is ours! No! No! No! No! No, not the nose! Would you like me to ring the bell? Would you like me to ring the bell? (BELL DINGING) (GIRLS CHEERING) And your winners are GIRLS: We won! The apartment is yours! (DOOR OPENING) (SIGHS) Hi, Jed. Hi, Rhiannon. What's up? "What's up?" Are you kidding me? Can I come in? Please come in. (CHUCKLES) So, um How are you? (LAUGHS) I'm okay, I guess. Oh, nobody in the world knows how to do anything right. Hey, Shawn. Hey, Mr. Lawrence. Who's in the basement? Not me, not me. Hey, Cory. Her Talk to her. Cory told me that you wanted to see me. He did? He told me the same thing. Well, hey, it's just important that you're here together, right? Well, we should be able to be together, no matter what went on between us. You think so? (WHISPERING) Shawnie, they're talking. Rhiannon I just want you to know that I would never trade the years that we had. That is so beautiful. That's right from the soul. You didn't think we were gonna pull this off, did you? And in time I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Bam! There it is. Forgiveness! Forgiveness is everything. Forgive him for what? Who cares? Shh! Is that what you came here to say, that you, uh, want me to forgive you? I don't want you to hate me anymore. What do you want me to say, Jed? I don't hate you! I (SNIFFLING) Wow, um Because of our life together and the beautiful child that we've made Topanga. I will try as hard as I can to forgive you. Oh, my gosh. You did it. I did it. I really did it, Shawnie. And I hope you find happiness with Marie. Oh, no. Who's Marie? Marie is the woman that he loves now. How could you do that? I'm sorry, Cory. How could you love any other woman but this woman? Cory What is wrong with this woman? Cory, please. Uh Cory, um These things happen. Why? I don't know. I don't Wait Wait a minute. Love can't just die. It can, Cory. It did. I'm just so sorry that you had to find out like this. Cory, please don't tell Topanga. I don't want her to hate her father. (DOOR CLOSING) Cor? Yeah? What if we don't know anything? Okay. There they are. What are we doing here, Cory? Wherever you go, I'm following your lead, okay? There they are. What are we doing? Hey, how was your weekend? Boring. Uneventful. We stayed here in Philly. Local We stayed in town. We went to Pittsburgh. Oh, yeah. Why would you go to Pittsburgh? Steel! We needed to find some (STUTTERING) girders. We went to talk to your parents. Oh, yeah. You went to talk to my parents without talking to me first? Hey, Topanga, it wasn't that big a deal. Did you go there to fix everything? Hey! Huh? Is that what you did, Superman? Hey, hey, knock it off! Look, Cory traveled 100 miles on a Greyhound bus and found your parents to try to put them back together for you. For you! And he was brilliant. He was? He made some unbelievable moves. "Will you see your wife, please?" "Will you take your husband back, please?" He was good, Topanga. You were good. Were you? I wanted to be. What does that mean? I failed. I failed horribly. I don't think your parents are going to get back together. I don't either. I just I don't understand what could have happened between them. I mean, they were so in love. I know. Do you have any idea what could have happened to them? No. (SIGHING) I don't know, you know? Sometimes Things just happen. But you were right Everything I believed was wrong. Sometimes Love just dies. Topanga, look FEENY: Good morning. Now what? Now it's Now it's over. If you will open your books to page 48, please Don't say that. You've never said that before. Yeah, well, I never believed it before either. We'll turn our attention to the Cold War. No! No flowers! How many times have I got to tell you? We've got to pick wallpaper that says, "We're men. " Teddy bears? Yeah, yeah, yeah, teddy bears. Hey, what do you think, Mankind? I think the first thing you've got to do is take down that poster, because the cute guy is staring at me. I hate being stared at. Oh, no. Oh, no. I can't stop looking at him. Dude, don't look at him. I can't help it. He has leather straps on his face. It's time that you met Mr. Socko. Oh, great, yeah. I love meeting new people. (BOTH GRUNTING) Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! What? That's my friend! Nobody does that to my friend! You know what? You're a bully! And you, too, Mr. Socko! You know something? I'm going to stand up to you, just like Feeny told me to, and then you're both gonna back down. You know why? 'Cause you are a bully by definition. Would you like to fly through the air or go through the wall? Hmm Air, please. (EXCLAIMING)