Class of the Titans / Zeke and Lex Luthor

Narrator (Actually Curseus): It was a time of war! Gods with big beards fighting mortals with small beards! And in the middle, a guy with no beard, who would save them all.

Curseus: And that is on the side of my lunchbox.

Friend: Awesome, man! I just have Marmapuke.

Marmapuke: Woof.

Friend: You're cool, for a transfer student. What's your name?

Curseus: Curseus.

Friend: Why'd they name you that?

Curseus: (HONK!/Screwed) if I know. But I'm half god, half mortal, so someone must have (HONK!/screwed) up.

Friend: You're half god, and you go to a mortal school? Why?

Curseus: To show the gods they can be beaten! Plus, my old school doesn't have a pool.

(Title card: Class of the Titans)

Curseus: I heard you guys have a pretty (HONK/bad) football team.

Friend: Yeah, but I blame our head cheerleader.

Medusa: Well bring the ball home or turn to stone!

Football Player: What'd she say? (Medusa hisses loudly, a football lands on a football player, causing him to break into stone.)

Curseus: Sounds like she needs to be taken care of.

Friend: I'm on it.

Curseus: I meant a makeover.

Friend: Right. Right. Cool. I'll, um, I'll go do that.

(Zeus appears... and his foot is STILL Pontiac-size)

Curseus: What do you want, Dad?

Zeus: How did you know it was me?

Curseus: No one else has a foot the size of a Pontiac.

Zeus: I just wanted to say, good luck at school. I hope you became a win the big game on Saturday.

Curseus: I don't need your help, dad. You're the enemy.

Zeus: I know, I know. But I brought you a few things anyways. Here's a magic helmet, a magic sword, a magic marker, Magic Johnson, and I packed you a magic lunch.

Curseus: What makes it magic?

Zeus: I added a cookie.

Curseus: *gasps* (HONK!) Yeah!

(later)

Friend: OK, keep your eyes closed. (A girl shows up... and she reveals it's Medusa with car keys!!) Ah! Maybe keep them closed.

Curseus: Heh, you gave it a shot. (Slices Medusa's head off)

Friend: Actually, she was our ride back to campus.

Curseus: (HONK!)

(in the Coloseum)

Food Guy: Get your moosaka! Tzatziki! Who wants bobahoohas? I'm really just making up words.

Announcer 1: Big day at the Colosseum, sports fans. Can the Mortals end the Gods' winning streak? Well, this crowd seems to think so.

Edward: WOOHOO! IMMORTALS!

Jacob: He said mortals, not IMmortals!

Edward: Shut up!

Jacob: No. You shut up!

(They both show up on Kiss Cam)

Announcer 2: Word has it they have a new quarterback named Curseus. But is he good enough to go against the Kraken?

(Jacob's butt is shown)

Edward: Dude, turn around! Your butt is on the Kraken Cam.

Jacob: Really?

Edward: And put on a shirt on, for crying out loud!

Curseus: Okay Draco, you go left and make a quick right. Stan, you go off the middle and the rest of you follow, that should get us to the stadium.

Announcer 1: Looks like the Gods are taking the field, and here comes the Mortals. And just in time too because there's the kick-off.

(Big game. Mortals get crushed by the Gods, even the Kraken crushes one.)

Zeus: Release it, Kraken!

(A Mortal tries to get the ball, but Hades crushes him.)

Hades: Look out, ladies, here comes Hades!

Curseus: Uhh, I think it's time for Plan B.

Quarterback: Run for the hills and change our names?

Curseus: Maybe it was time for plan C. (Later...) V, XI, XXI, IIV, hike! (meaning 5, 11, 21, 7 backwards)

(They do so, until...)

Kraken: Uh-oh. (Turns to stone)

Announcer 1: The Mortals have done it, they've beaten the Gods!

Friend: In your face!

Medusa: Uh yeah, I can still feel that.

Curseus: Finally, we bring home the winning ball.

(Everyone turns to stone - except Curseus.)

Curseus: Awww, (HONK!)!

Zeke: Skateboarding is my life which is why I'm stoke for the skate team championship.

Luther: (bumps into wall)

Zeke: But if I'm gonna win, I'll need to help with my best bro, Luther!

Lex Luthor: (crashes the wall) What up, dorkmunch?

Zeke: Lex Luthor? But where's my Luther?

Lex Luthor: He, uh, had a dentist appointment.

[muffled talk]

Lex Luthor: Looks like it's me and you, bro.

[Scene goes to the title card Zeke and Luther but Lex gets drawn on the top of Luther and the O replaces the E and makes the title to Zeke and Lex Luthor]

Zeke: Why do you wanna compete in a skate championship?

Lex Luthor: I heard the grand price is $500.

Zeke: But you're a billionaire.

Lex Luthor: Eh, you can never have too much.

Zeke: Do you even know how to skate?

Lex Luthor: How hard can it be? [when Lex Luthor tries to skate, he trips and lands on his face] I'm just gonna lie here for 5 minutes.

Zeke: Okay, remember what I taught you and try to kick flip.

[he kicks Zeke right in the kiwi]

Lex Luthor: Admit it, I'm getting better. If you'll never skate with me, you'll never see your friend, Luther, again.

Zeke: I thought you said he had a dentist appointment.

Lex Luthor: I lied ok, I'm a super-villain, that's what we do. Now stop being a poser and let's win this.

Announcer: Wow, Zeke is really ripping it out there and Lex Luthor is well, also out there. The judges give them 6.?!? I mean 9.5?

Zeke: How did we--

Lex Luthor: I brought my own cheering squad. [Lex Luthor's cheering squad are gorillas]

Judges: Ahh, let me go, ahh!

Announcer: Zeke and lex Luthor are in the lead with only one team to go, Ryan Sheckler and- Superman?

Superman: What up, Luth?

Announcer: Wow, Sheckler and Superman are dominating the course; Now that's what I call major airage.

Lex Luthor: But that's no fair; He can fly. [the judges give them a perfect 10.0, when they get the $500 dollars Lex Luthor is upset until he sees someone] Uhh, look everyone, that boy needs help.

Luther: [muffled talk]

Zeke: Hey where did--

Lex Luthor: See you later, losers.

SMASH!!

Lex Luthor: Oh yeah, that's gonna hurt in the morning.

(Segment ends)