The Russian Rocket Reaction


 * Leonard: For God’s sake, will you stop with the Schrödinger stuff?
 * Sheldon: Would you prefer a simpler application of Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, in which I could either know where you are or whether I like you, but not both?


 * Sheldon: Mm. Tough decision. There’s no weaponry from Lord of the Rings, forged in a Chinese sweatshop?
 * Leonard: Just Bilbo Baggins’ sword over there.
 * Sheldon: Two grown men with a hobbit’s dagger; wouldn't we look silly? Okay, let’s go for it.


 * Amy: I don't understand, what difference does it make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party?
 * Penny: Well, Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy.
 * Amy: Mortal enemy?
 * Penny: Mm-hmm.
 * Amy:  Sheldon, I know you're a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench, but... you really have a mortal enemy?
 * Sheldon: In fact, I have 61 of them. Would you like to see the list?
 * Penny: Oh, say no, say no, say no, say no.
 * Sheldon: You just got off the list, would you like back on it?


 * Sheldon: Interesting, that you see betrayal in others, not yourself.
 * Leonard: Going to Wheaton's party is not betraying you.
 * Sheldon: Oh, of course, you would have to believe that. Evil always thinks it's doing right. Excuse me, stormtrooper, these are the droids you're looking for.
 * Leonard: I'm going to a party. (Leonard is getting angry and frustrated) I'm not turning over R2D2 and C3PO over to the Empire!
 * Sheldon: Not yet.


 * Sheldon:  You've already signed something Brent Spiner; your name on my list! From this moment on, you are my mortal enemy!
 * Wil Wheaton: Don't worry; it doesn't take up a whole lot of your time.


 * (The nighttime scene of Bernadette's car where Howard is driven back to his mom's house by a so completely upset Bernadette)
 * Howard: You’re really quiet. Is everything okay?
 * Bernadette: (she's so not very happy) Fine. Just a little tired.
 * Howard: (He is so very randy) I hope not too tired, because I’m feeling particularly masculine right now. All systems go, if you catch my drift.
 * Bernadette: I always catch your drift.
 * Howard: All right, well, something’s obviously bugging you. What is it?
 * Bernadette: (surprised and cross) I just can’t believe you signed up for the space program without even talking to me.
 * Howard: Oh, I get it. You’re worried about me. That is so sweet. You know, there’s a saying we have at NASA. What makes the right stuff so right is that it always comes home.
 * Bernadette: (whispers crossly) Just stop talking, Howard.
 * Howard: This isn’t the reaction I expected when I told you I was gonna be an astronaut.
 * Bernadette: (she asks him crossly) What did you think was going to happen?
 * Howard: Honestly? Sex.
 * Bernadette: (she grunts crossly) Howard.
 * Howard: Do you realize what a big deal this is? What an honour it is to be chosen to go into space?
 * Bernadette: (so upset by those questions) Yeah, I get it. I just wish you included me in the decision. We’re supposed to be partners. We’re supposed to be a team.
 * Howard: I’m sorry. You’re right. Okay, let’s try this again. Bernadette, an opportunity has come up that impacts both of us, and I’d like to discuss it.
 * Bernadette: Okay.
 * Howard: I’ve been offered a chance to go up to the International Space Station for three weeks. What are your thoughts on that?
 * Bernadette: Well, first of all, thank you for including me in the decision-making process.
 * Howard: Hey, we’re a team. So, what do you think?
 * Bernadette: (shakes her head) No.
 * Howard: No?
 * Bernadette: No.
 * Howard: Well why not?
 * Bernadette: (she is so upset again) Howard, my father was a police officer. We never knew from one night to the next if he was going to come home alive. It was horrible. And I don’t want to live that way with you.
 * Howard: Hey, my father abandoned me and my mother when I was 11. We never saw him again.
 * (Bernadette is now mega-fully furious)
 * Bernadette: (she snips with one big burst of anger) Oh, boo-hoo! You're not going to space!
 * (Howard reacts at Bernadette as she continues to drive with more enormous fury).


 * (The scene of Howard’s bedroom where he and Bernadette are in bed together)
 * Bernadette: Howard?
 * Howard: Change your mind about sex? I’m still mad, but I’ll do it.
 * Bernadette: No, I’ve just been thinking. It doesn’t matter if I’m afraid for your safety. I don’t want to be the person who stands between you and your dreams.
 * Howard: Really?
 * Bernadette: Really. If going into space means that much to you, I will never say another word about it.
 * Howard: Thank you.
 * Bernadette: I love you.
 * Howard: I love you, too. So, sex now?
 * Bernadette: Okay. I just forgot to brush my teeth. I’ll be right back.
 * (She lifts herself off the bed and exits to the bathroom holding her glasses)
 * Mrs. Wolowitz: (After Bernadette secretly tells Mrs. Wolowitz about Howard getting accepted into a space mission) Over my dead body my son goes to outer space!
 * Bernadette: (Entering Howard's room with her glasses on) I'm ready!
 * (We now see Howard looking at her in disbelief.)
 * (We now see Howard looking at her in disbelief.)

(The scene at Penny's apartment where Bernadette and Amy are having a drink and a conference with Penny)
 * Bernadette: (complaining) I had no choice. I had to tell his mother. He can't go to space! He's like a little bird!
 * (Penny and Amy react by this)
 * Bernadette: (asking crossly) Do you know he once got an asthma attack from reading an old library book?
 * Amy: You're kidding.
 * Penny: No, I was there that day. Sheldon threw his back out handing him that book.
 * Bernadette: (extremely upset) I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t want to break up over this.
 * Penny: Okay, why don’t you just tell him you made a mistake?
 * Bernadette: (asking with sadness) Do you guys think it was a mistake? Am I the bad guy in this?
 * Amy: It’s not for us to judge. We’re just here to provide comfort and support while you come to grips with what a despicable thing you’ve done.
 * (Scene of a shocked Penny)
 * Bernadette: (she is now megafully upset) Oh, God, you’re right. I took our love and threw it under his bus-sized mother.
 * (Scene of Penny and Amy looking up at each other)
 * Bernadette: I need to apologize.
 * Penny: Well, that, that’s good. I’m glad you came to that. But before you do, let me just ask you a big picture question.
 * Bernadette: What?
 * Penny: Are you a hundred percent positive you love and want to marry Howard Wolowitz?
 * Bernadette: I do, with all my heart.
 * Penny: Got it. Just had to check.
 * Amy: He’s great.
 * (Bernadette smiles by this and she doesn't think of what else to say to this)


 * Sheldon: In case you have forgotten, Schrodinger’s cat is a thought experiment…
 * Penny: No, no, no, no, I didn't forget. Um, there’s this cat in a box and until you open it, it’s either dead or alive or both. Although, back in Nebraska, our cat got stuck in my brother’s camp trunk, and we did not need to open it to know there was all kinds of dead cat in there.
 * Amy: Homespun stories, knowledge of physics and a bosom that defies it. You’re the whole package, aren't you?


 * Brent Spiner: Oh, wow. I haven't seen one of these in years. (Rips open action figure packaging) Remember how we used to make things look like they were masturbating?


 * Leonard: Can we get autographed dolls?
 * Brent Spiner: Sure. Twenty bucks.
 * Leonard: Ten.
 * Brent Spiner: Eighteen.
 * Leonard: Twelve.
 * Brent Spiner: Sixteen.
 * Leonard: Two for thirty. And you come to my birthday party.
 * Brent Spiner: Done.


 * Stuart: Oh, great. More guys. It's gonna be another Wil Wheaton sausage-fest.


 * (the scene Howard in his bedroom sitting on his bed holding a model rocket with himself)
 * Mrs Wolowitz (off): Howard, Bernadette’s here!

Howard: Tell her I’m not home!
 * Mrs Wolowitz (off): What kind of a schmuck play is that? She can hear you shouting!
 * (Bernadette enters Howard's bedroom)
 * Bernadette: Can we talk?
 * Howard: You can. I have nothing to say.
 * Bernadette: All right. I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry I said something to your mother.
 * Howard: I was gonna tell her eventually, but you went behind my back.
 * Bernadette: I know. I’m sorry. I got scared.
 * Howard: If you’re gonna love me, you’re gonna have to love the whole package, the tenderhearted poet and the crazy daredevil.
 * Bernadette: I know.
 * Howard: Well, don’t say it if you’re not gonna mean it, ’cause I’m not just gonna stop with the space station. Yeah, I want to go to the Moon, I want to go to Mars. I want to take a one-man sub to the lowest depths of the ocean.
 * Bernadette: Really? You got seasick on Pirates of the Caribbean.
 * Howard: Well, those big kids were rocking it.
 * Bernadette: I just did what I did because I love you so much, and the thought of losing you is more than I can handle.
 * Howard: Really?
 * Bernadette: You’re my soul mate. This is where you kiss me.
 * Howard: Right, right.
 * Mrs Wolowitz (off): Make up all you want! Your tuchus is not leaving this planet!
 * (Bernadette and Howard grin at each other)