Roll Model-A-Rooney

1 You know what I love most about California? The surfin'. And you'll love it even more if you ever get in the water. Where fish make poopies? Pass. Ah, but I do love California. Destroying our house in Stevens Point is probably the best thing we have ever done. Whoa. - Parker: Hey, cheese queen. - (Jovial music plays) What's with all the Wisconsin? (Scoffs) I am just watching the live feed of the Cheddar-Brat Fest in Stevens Point. Oh, I wish we were there. You'd rather be in Wisconsin rolling wheels of cheese than here in California with the sun, the surf, the fish poop water? Look, California's great, but it's just not home without a cheese-and sausage-themed festival. But Mom, California has everything. There has to be something that you like. Well, I used to love just sittin' on the deck, watching the pelicans. But then they moved down the beach to roost, so I can't even do that anymore. Oh well. The boy next door flies a kite shaped like a pelican, so (Chuckles) I'll just go watch him. - Wow. - (Door closes) Mom's got a major case of the bum-skis, and it's kind of our fault. You know, one could make the argument that it is entirely our fault. Yeah, you're right. We need to cheer Mom up. Oh, let's get those pelicans back here so that Mom can watch them. How? Parker, pelicans are wild animals. We can't just walk up to them and be like, "Yo, pelican peeps, do us a solid and come chill on our beach. " Challenge accepted! You know, I rarely know what you mean by that, but I always love the results. (Theme music playing) Better in stereo Bet-bet-better in stereo - I'm up with the sunshine - Let's go - I lace up my high-tops - Oh no Slam dunk, ready or not Yeah, show me what you got - I'm under the spotlight - Holler I dare you, come on and follow You dance to your own beat I'll sing the melody When you say yea-ah-ah I say no-oh-oh When you say stop All I want to do is go, go, go You, you, the other half of me, me The half I'll never be-e The half that drives me crazy You, you, the better half of me, me The half I'll always need But we both know We're better in stereo (Gasps) Girls, do you know what this is? Sure I do. It's a slide for gerbils! No, it's a woodblock derby track. You build little cars and you race 'em. Seems like a waste of a good gerbil slide. (Sighs) Priya, I'm your friend, so I feel that I can tell you that your obsession with rodents is disgusting. (Gasps) The show must be doing another woodblock derby episode like on the original Sing it Loud! It was a classic episode called Race it Loud! I saw that. It was girls versus boys. Oh, right! And the boys won and got a cake! Ooh, now I want cake! You know what though? This time, I bet the girls win. And the cake will be even bigger! Let's go find that cake! Oh, Zach, hey! I am so glad you're here. I actually have something I want to ask you. Zach is the network exec who helped develop the new show. He's actually the one who said that there should be two exclamation points at the end of Sing it Louder!! Ask away, Liv Rooney, star of S-I-L-exclam-exclam! Are you ready for the woodblock derby sequel? (Gasps) You mean Race it Louder! I love when you sing the title! It really appeals to kids ages eight to 14. (Chuckles) Um, okay, so my question. - This time, do the girls win? - (Gasps) No! Get this! The boys win again, solidifying their domination! Boys 12 to 16, pfft, gonna be stoked. Um, okay. Um, wouldn't it be more fun though to switch it up and have the girls win this time? Uh, well, we could do that, but it's about cars, and girls aren't really into cars. It's science and engineering. You know, guy stuff. Oh. "Guy stuff," wow. Um Zach, that's really patronizing. I don't really know what that word means, but I assume you're correct because vocabulary is girl stuff. Welcome to Quesadilla Joe's. My name is Schnoop and I will be your waiter. Yeah, um Schnoop, you actually were just here about five minutes ago and you have already introduced yourself. (Willow and Maddie chuckle) I thought you looked familiar. Do you have any questions? Yeah. Um, how did you get this job? Uh (Laughs) what she means is, uh, what's with all those sombreros on the wall? That's the Habanero Hat Rack. Those are the names of peeps who won our pepper eating contests. Eat five of the gnarliest peppers on the planet, you get your name on a tiny sombrero. Cool. Are you up there, Schnoop? No way, brah. I'm pretty hardcore, but my mom said no. Well, we got two bowls of chips and no pico de gallo. Care to, uh, vamanos up to the salsa bar? Si, seÃ±orita. Hey, um did you notice that there are, like no girls names up on these sombreros? Whoa. You're right. That's messed up. And you know what I just decided? I am gonna be the first girl to break the pepper challenge gender barrier. Huh. Um (Scoffs) you're gonna be the second 'cause I'm gonna be the first. Did you just step to me? Consider yourself stepped. Both: May the best woman win! Both: I will! So what you got cookin'? I am making synthetic pelican pheromones. (Chuckles) Pheromones. Of course. Um, are you looking up "pheromones"? (Scoffs) Please. I know that pheromones are an odorless chemical secreted by an animal to attract another animal of their species. So did you make the papier-mÃ¢chÃ© rock I asked for? Oh, nobody mÃ¢chÃ©s like I mÃ¢chÃ©. Great, so we'll apply the pheromones to the rock and hide it close to our house. The pelicans will smell it and be drawn right back down the beach so Mom can watch to her heart's content. Wait, we could have used a real rock for that. Why'd you have me make this stupid thing? Uh, because I needed to keep you busy. I like a Munch-free workspace. You know, I get that. Hey. Oh, what a cute shoe. Why does it have wheels on it? Oh, it's what the girls are racing in the episode. Zach gave it to us. Wait, what? Why? That's not even a car. It's better. It's a shoe car! (Sighs) No. You sound just like Zach. He said that girls don't care about cars. But girls don't care about cars. Okay, and why do you feel that way? I mean, not all girls like the same things. That's how it is on TV and movies. That doesn't mean that that's how it is! True. Every time you see a rat on TV, people scream like it's a monster. But I have a rat, and he's my little snakey-tailed cutie pie. Yes. Thank you, Priya. That is a very unfair stereotype of rats. But, I mean, there are tons of examples of unfair stereotypes. And a lot of them really hurt, like that girls can't be into cars or that they're only into shoes, or that their favorite color is only ever pink. My favorite color is gray. That's what color my pet rat is. She loves to cuddle and give kisses. (Kisses, giggles) Okay, that's the last time I borrow your lip balm. If all we show is boys being superior at, like, typical boy stuff, then girls are gonna think that they can't do those things or even like those things, and that's not right. How do you like your shoe car, girls? You love it! Tell me you love it No, Zach. We actually don't love it. Whoa, big thumbs down from girls ages nine to 17. Does it need more sparkles? Brighter shade of pink? You know, I really wouldn't hate it if someone added a rainbow. No, no. No. Zach, we want you to change the script so that the girls win. We're gonna stick to the boys winning. It's more realistic. Plus, look at their car! It's not even moving, and it looks so fast! Zach, come on. I mean, girls can be into cars and mechanical stuff and engineering. And be just as gross in the bathroom. Equality! Yeah! Thank you, Ruby! That You know, let's just stay on topic though. Zach? - Uh-huh? - What if we build our own car and we have an actual woodblock derby race? Boys against girls. And then whoever wins in real life gets to win in the episode. Ooh, bloggers are gonna eat that up. Let's do it! I can't wait to see the shoe car you girls make! Betties and bros, it's time to take on - the Habanero Hat Rack challenge! - (Applause) Whew. You know what, these peppers actually don't even really look that bad. They're kind of cute hanging out on that plate next to that eensy little rose. That's a tomato carved to look like a rose. Kind of a hobby of mine. Oh. What's the milk for? It's the only thing that can kill the burn of a pepper, but take a sip, you lose the contest, and no tiny sombrero for you. All right, Willow, you are no longer my friend today. You're the competition and you're goin' down. (Chuckles) Willow doesn't go down. Let's pop some peppers! - Arriba! - Whoo! - (Applause) - Willow: All right. - Okay. - (Inhales) (Scoffs) (Laughs) These aren't bad. Yeah. These actually, like, aren't spicy. Both: Oh, mama! - Oh! - Ow! That was the mildest of all the peppers: El Blando. - Next up: The Tongue Stabber! - What? All right, girls, welcome to Liv's Garage. Today, we will be turning this little block of wood into a super-fast, gravity-powered, woodblock-derby-winning, stereotype-smashing speed machine! Who here has used tools before? Nobody but me. All right. Oh, wait! Does a screwdriver count? - Yes! - Sorry, but that's still a no for me. - Liv? - Yeah? You know how to use all these tools? Yes, actually. My friend Andie back in Wisconsin even taught me how to use a blowtorch. So, do not judge a book by its very well-manicured cover. Let's build a car! Whoo! (All chuckle) Oh, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Liv: Push, push! Hey Yeah! (Liv squeals) I can't believe we made that car. I love car stuff. Me too, and I never would have thought so. I guess I was just so fooled into thinking there are things girls like and things boys like. Thanks for making us give it a try, Liv. You know what, girls? I really think that we are going to win this race and we are going to crush this stereotype. (Sighs) We still need a little bit more weight. Like the weight of a tiny plastic rat? Both: Fine! You're in, Betsy! Liv: Oh! - Yes! - That was perfect! - (Pelicans squawking) - Joey, we did it! There's a whole flock of pelicans outside the house! The pheromones worked! Why is there a pelican in our house? Meet Peggy. (Chuckles) And don't call her Margaret. She hates that. How did this happen? Um, remember when you said to put one drop of pheromones on the rock? I did that. Yay! And then I sneezed and spilled the rest of the bottle on myself. Joey, we need to get it out of here before Mom gets back. I know. I tried. But she follows me everywhere. Even to the bathroom. By the way, it is impossible to go when you have got a giant pelican staring right at ya. Of course she's not gonna leave. You smell like the hottest pelican at pelican prom! Sounds like somebody's jealous. Want me to see if Peggy has a sister? No! Munch, be serious! Okay, we need a plan to get this thing out of here. Okay, just relax. We'll figure it out before Mom comes home. There's no need to freak out. Karen: Boys, are you home? Okay, now we freak out! Okay, um, I will go into the kitchen to stall Mom, and you lead Peggy out the front door. Okay, better plan, you go into the kitchen and stall Mom, I lead Peggy out the front door like a boss. Yeah, fine. Whatever. Just get that pelican out of this house. Yeah. Hey, Mom Parker, have you been outside? They're back! My pelicans are back! They missed me! Ooh! I'm gonna get my camera with the zoom lens. They're cute, but you don't want to get too close. Wait! Mom, don't go in there. - Why? - (Peggy squawks) What was that? Uh, I knew how much you missed the pelicans, so I have been working on my pelican impressions. (Squawks) Pretty good, huh? You would do that for me? You are so sweet. (Peggy squawks) You are so busted. What is going on? (Screams) Mom, this is Peggy. Joey, you were supposed to get her out of the house. Uh, she doesn't want to leave. (Chuckles) She's a stubborn old gal, aren't you, Peggy? Okay, okay, why is there a pelican in the house? We felt bad that you were so homesick, so we thought that if we brought the pelicans back, you'd be happy, but things did not turn out how we wanted. Definitely not. Are you mad? Oh, how can I be mad when this comes from such a good place? You know, I am always amazed by how simultaneously touched and annoyed I am by you two. Parker, you go down to the docks and get some fish heads. We'll use those to lead her out of the house and I'll stay here and make sure that she doesn't peck at Joey too much. (Chuckles) Aww. But will you take a video if she poops on him? Uh, yeah. Now go. (Willow and Maddie breathe heavily) All right! Maddie and Willow have finished their fourth pepper! (Willow and Maddie breathe heavily) I can't feel anything from my nose down. I don't know. Are my feet still on me? All right, you're down to the last pepper. - (Both groan) - A pepper that is so hot, it has no name. It is known only as - (Screams) - (Both scream) All right. Come on, Mad Dog. You can do this. Don't touch that! That pepper is so hot, it has to be placed directly onto your tongue. You almost burned off your fingerprints. (Gasps) Okay! All right, Maddie, you win! - I gotta drink the milk. - No, no, no, no! You can't quit. - Why not? - Because Willow doesn't go down! (Sighs) Let's finish this and break the pepper gender barrier together. Thank you, Maddie. I'd cry, but my tears have all evaporated. All right. Get ready to feel this one all the way down to your toenails. - (Yelps) - (Muffled screaming) Willow: No, no, no! (Muffled grunting) - (Cheers and applause) - We have two winners! That's two more sombreros on the Habanero Hat Rack! (Cheers and applause) (Gulps) We did it! (Gulps) It's like I licked the sun! (Both breathe heavily) Okay, whoever wins this race wins the race on our episode of Sing it Louder!! Yeah, yeah, yeah That's right, Zach can sing too! Hey, Zach, check out our car. Girls ages eight to 100 say, "Boo-yah!" Whoa, sick! I guess girls can be into cars. What's that sound? A little door in my brain opening up to new ideas. Okay, girls, win or lose, I just really want to let you know that I am very proud of you for not being afraid to tackle this stereotype. Let's race! Girls versus boys! Ready, set go! - (Girls cheer) - Girls! Thank you, Headmaster Katoonis. See, girls? Don't let anybody tell you that there's boy stuff and girl stuff 'cause really there's just stuff. Have you told Stephanie the real reason you're at Monahan Academy? No way. I can't tell her my secret yet. She's not ready. I'm not sure I am either. (Dramatic music plays) Attention, ladies and sombrer-bros, I give you two more members of the Habanero Hat Rack Club! (Cheers and applause) I still can't feel my tongue, but it was totally worth it! Go ahead. Hang your hats on the wall. Um (Chuckles) first, I think we would both like to say a few things. - (Chuckles) - Uh, okay. No one's ever done that before, but life's a journey. Today we stand on the shoulders of the giants who came before us. Yes. It is with great pride and humility that we become the fist women to hang our hats on the Habanero Hat Rack. (Chuckles) What are you talking about? Like, half the names up there are girls. - (Both scoff) - Okay, no. Like Max - Chris, Terry - Yeah. Uh, Jordan, Pat, Alex Both: Oh Those are also girls names. This does not diminish our glory! Both: Bam! What? - Yeah! - Whoo! Whoo! Parker: Will you take a video if she poops on him?