The Demonator

This article is a transcript of the Drake & Josh episode, "The Demonator" from season 3, which aired on February 25, 2006.

Plot
[Josh is playing with a yo-yo]

Josh: My brother, Drake, he's all about a media gratification.

Drake: [points to the oven] There's brownies in there, and I want 'em.

Josh: A media gratification means when you want something, you gotta have it like right now.

Drake: I could be eating a brownie right now, if it wasn't for Josh.

Josh: See, I came up with this amazing brownie recipe when I was 9 years old.

Drake: He calls them fudgie-boos.

[Josh throws the yo-yo in the air]

Josh: I named them fudgie-boos? Come on, I was 9.

Drake: So tonight, he spends like an hour and a half mixing his brownie ingredients in a bowl.

Josh: And while I was making them, tonight, Drake's like standing over me the whole time.

Drake: He wouldn't even let me like the spoon.

Josh: And he keeps going "Let me like the spoon, let me lick the spoon."

Drake: Just wanted the lick the spoon.

Josh: I don't want his tongue on my spoon.

Drake: [impatiently] Man, when are they gonne be ready?

Josh: [looking at his watch] They'll be ready in about... 25 more minutes. And you know what?

Drake: Okay, and you know what?

Josh: They'll be worth the wait.

Drake: [cuts off] I am not waiting. [puts an oven mitt on and gets the brownies out]

Josh: Ya see, Drake's gonna learn something tonight. He's gonna learn that some things are just worth waiting for.

Drake: [tasting the batter] Ohh. [tastes again] Oh, it's like warm brownie soup.

Josh: You realize that patience is a virtue.

Drake: My god, why didn't I do this like five minutes ago?

[a blue arrow wooshes and goes to the upstairs window, then a green arrow wooshes]

Announcer: Next chat, I'm here live at Mystic Mountain, where you can literally feel the excitement, because everyone here is buzzing about this new big, bad roller coaster called The Demonator.

Drake: Oh my god.

[Josh opens the door and has a scrapbook]

Josh: Drake, check it out.

Drake: Shh.

Josh: You know how Mindy and I always write little notes to each other in class?

Drake: Yeah, don't care.

Josh: She ceived every note that I ever wrote on and put in this scrapbook for me. See?

Drake: Yeah, yeah, nerds in love. Now sush.

Josh: You know, this is like the nicest present anyone's ever given me. You should do this act like you care.

Drake: Ugh. Dude, this is a news report about The Demonator.

Josh: [throwing the scrapbook in the air] The Demonator?! [sits on the couch next to Drake] What'd they say? What'd they say?

Drake: That it's the fastest, the scariest, most intensible, most dangerous roller coaster in the world.

Josh: Ooh-woah!

Drake: And we are gonna ride it tomorrow, the first day it opens.

[announcer talking on TV]

Josh: Hey, you wanna practice?

[Drake sighs]

Drake: Okay, I'll set the move. [stands up, turns the TV off and runs to the keyboard and presses a button to play the music, then runs back to Josh]

[they put their arms up and lower them pretending they're on a roller coaster]

Drake: Ready? Going up. [makes clicking noise]

Josh: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to Mystic Mountain. While riding The Demonator, remember to keep all hands and feet--

Drake: Going down!

[Josh screams wildly as Megan walks in]

[Drake and Josh both scream widly side to side]

Drake: [points] Look out, torque's through.

[he and Josh go wild as they see her]

Megan: What is this? Some new kind of boob dance?

[Josh stops]

Josh: You're just jealous, little girl.

[Drake stops]

Drake: Yeah, because we are gonna ride The Demonator.

Josh: The first day it opens.

Drake: Oh yeah, and, uh, you're not.

Megan: Uh, if tomorrow's the first day it opens, tomorrow, those people in line getting on right now.

Josh: Huh?

[Drake stops the music and turns the TV back on]

Announcer: Mystic Mountain officials have just announced they'll be opening The Demonator tonight, a special sneak preview for a few very lucky roller coaster fans.

Josh: You said we were gonna ride it the first day it opens.

Drake: Who would they open it tonight?

Megan: Aw, it's okay. You guys can ride it tomorrow the *second* day it's open. [she leaves]

[Drake pats Josh's shoulder]

Drake: Hey, don't worry, we're gonna ride The Demonator tonight. Count on it.

Josh: Awesome. Hey, one more quick practice one?

Drake: Yeah, let's go. [runs back to the keyboard to start the music and sits back down on the couch with Josh as they practice again] Okay, ready? [makes clicking noise] And no hands!

[they lift their arms up as Josh screams wildly]

Josh: And no feet!

[they lift their legs too high and they knock the couch back and fall off]

[theme song plays]

Drake: [singing] I never thought that it'd be so simple, but I found a way, I found a way-ay. / If you open up your mind... to see what's inside. / It's gonna take some time to realign. / But if you look inside, I'm sure you'll find. / Over your shoulder, you know that I told you I'll always be picking you up when you're down. / So just turn around. [the title sequence introduces Drake Bell, Josh Peck, Nancy Sullivan, Jonathan Goldstein and Miranda Cosgrove; the Drake & Josh title card appears and the song ends with Drake and Josh drinking their Dr. Fizz and Root Beer while another title card appears: Created by Dan Schneider]

Chorus: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh... Ooohh.

[fade to black]

[the camera zooms in at the house with a blue arrow wooshing; Papa Nichols is laying on the couch sleeping]

Walter: Can we please hurry? I do not want to be late. [puts on his jacket]

Audrey: Are you sure we should go out tonight? What if Papa Nichols needs us?

Walter: Well, what's he gonna need us for?

Audrey: Well, the man had surgery today, and he's 81 years old.

Walter: Look, he's my grandfather. Let me worry about it, okay?

Audrey: Okay, but what if he wakes up?

Walter: I am not missing the Newsie Awards! I could win this year.

Audrey: Oh, Walter, you've been nominated for Best Weather Man 5 yeas in a row, and they always give it to Bruce Windchill.

Walter: Do not mention Bruce Windchill's name in this house.

[Drake and Josh walk out of the hall while Josh has his jacket]

Josh: Hi, parents.

Drake: Bye, parents.

[they are about to leave]

Walter: Woah, woah, woah, woah. Where do you boys think you're going?

Drake: Uh, to make history.

Josh: We're going to ride The Demonator.

Audrey: No, you promised that you'd stay here and watch Papa Nichols.

Drake: Ugh, fine. Here, come on, he can come with us. Come on, Josh, grab his feet.

Josh: Why do I always have to grab the feet?

[Drake lifts Papa Nichols' shoulders while Josh lifts his feet]

Walter: Guys, you can't take your great-grandfather to ride The Demonator.

Josh: Sure we can.

Drake: Yeah, you only have to be this tall. [he puts his hand about yeah high]

Walter: The man just had surgery, and he's heavily medicated.

Drake: Oh, come on, he fought in World War II.

Josh: The Demonator is nothing for a man who's seen combat.

Audrey: Okay, listen to my words. You boys are going to stay here and TAKE CARE OF PAPA NICHOLS, are we clear?

Josh: Yes.

Drake: Fine.

[Megan comes out of the kitchen with a bouquet of flowers]

Megan: Hey, Walter. Take these to the Newsie Awards for me, would ya?

Audrey: Oh, how sweet, she got you flowers for your big night.

Megan: No, they're for Bruce Windchill.

Walter: Windchill? Well, how could you buy flowers for my competition?

Megan: Have you seen his hair?

Audrey: Such great hair.

Megan: It's like cotton candy, but brown.

Walter: Stop thinking about it. Come on, let's just go so I can lose already.

Audrey: Alright.

Walter: [about Megan] And when did she start calling me Walter?

Audrey: I don't know. Uh, boys, the awards will be over around 10:30, so we should be home by 11:00.

Walter: [pointing to Drake and Josh with the flowers] DO NOT leave this house.

Josh: We won't.

Drake: We're not going anywhere.

Walter: Alright, good night.

Audrey: Mmm-hmm.

[they leave and the door closes]

[Drake gets his cell phone out and starts dialing]

Josh: We're gonna ride The Demonator tonight, are we?

Drake: Oh, yeah.

Josh: Well, what about Papa Nichols?

Drake: I got a plan. [puts it to his ear as a green arrow wooshes and the camera zooms in at the house]

[now a blue arrow wooshes, the boys are waiting for their friends to arrive as the doorbell rings]

Drake: Oh, good, they're here. [opens the door as Craig and Eric come in, with Craig holding a bundt cake]

Eric: Hey, Drake, thanks for inviting us to the party.

Craig: We brought you a bundt cake. [gives it to Drake as he and Eric walk into the living room]

Drake: Um, thanks.

Eric: Um, where's the party?

Craig: Are we early? You know I don't like being first ones at a party.

Eric: Don't start with me!

Josh: Guys, guys, you're not early.

Drake: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you see this old guy?

Craig: Yes.

Eric: I see him.

Josh: This is our great-grandfather, Papa Nichols.

Drake: Yeah, and he loves to party. So, uh, you guys hang out with him 'cause Josh and I got things to do.

Josh: [chuckles] You take care.

Eric: Wait a minute.

Josh: [takes his jacket] Yo.

Drake: Yeah?

Eric: You duped us.

Drake: Yeah.

Craig: This is an outrage!

Eric: Come on, Craig, we are outie.

Drake: Okay, I guess you guys don't wanna watch these digitally remastered episodes of Space Trek.

Josh: In widescreen DVD format.

[they show them the DVD as Eric comes to take a look at it]

Eric: Oh my god. The entire first season!

Craig: With bonus footage!

Eric: And the alternate ending to episode 21 where Spodnick dies! [turns to Drake and Josh] Alright, we'll stay.

Drake: Alright.

Josh: See ya.

Eric: Oh, wait. Uh, when's he supposed to wake up?

Drake: Don't worry about it.

Josh: Yeah, he just had surgery. He's on tons of medication.

Drake: He'll totally sleep through the night.

Josh: Ready?

Drake: We're ready to demonate!

[Megan arrives]

Megan: I can't believe you. Papa Nichols just had surgery, and now his own great-grandsons are just gonna abandon him? I'm disgusted. And, I just might have to tell Mom and Dad.

Drake: You wanna ride The Demonator tonight, don't you?

Megan: I'll get my jacket.

[Josh looks at his watch as a blue arrow wooshes to Mystic Mountain, now a green arrow wooshes to the line as a guard opens the grate for some people going on the ride]

[Drake, Josh and Megan are at the line, with Josh having a snack]

Drake: 15. Only 15 people away from riding The Demonator.

Josh: I can't believe we get to ride it the first night it opens. Uh-oh, I just had a bad thought.

Megan: What? You might grow old, never get married, and die alone?

Josh: No. But thank you for pointing out that possibility.

Drake: What's your bad thought?

Josh: What if The Demonator's not as great as we think it's gonna be?

Drake: [points to Josh] You take that back!

Josh: I'm just saying, what if it's all hype? [taks a bite his cinnamon stick]

Speaker: Please exit The Demonator to your left.

[some passengers walk out of the ride]

Man: Oh, man, that ride was insane. I feel like part of me has died, but another part has just been born. [walks out]

Little boy: I don't even care that I puked.

Megan: Yeah, it's all hype.

Drake: Oh, man, this is gonna be the greatest night of our lives.

Josh: Ah, chew that. [takes another bite of his stick] Uh-oh, I gotta pee.

Megan: Now?

Drake: Dude, we're almost to the front. Can't you hold it?

Josh: Maybe. But since we're all gonna be sitting on the same row--

Drake & Megan: Go pee.

Josh: I'll be right back. [leaves to go to the restroom]

Megan: If he doesn't make it back in time, we're still gonna go on the ride, right?

Drake: If he's mauled by a bear, we're still going on the ride.

[a blue arrow wooshes and cut to home with Papa Nichols still sleeping and muttering as Craig and Eric watch him]

Craig: Drake said he'd be asleep all night.