Rigby's Body

(Mordecai and Rigby are at the Snack Bar, looking bored)

Mordecai: Augh, this sucks.

Rigby: What's that supposed to mean?

Mordecai: It means that the next time we get to pick our job for the day, I get to pick. Why did you pick the Snack Bar? This is like the worst job at the park, dude!

Rigby: I think it's the funnest job at the park.

Mordecai: You don't really think that. You just don't want to admit that you're wrong.

Rigby: Why would I admit something that I'm not?

Mordecai: Dude, seriously, this is more boring than watching you trying to read a children's book.

Rigby: Is it more boring than your face?

Mordecai: I don't know, is it more boring than my fist in your face?

Rigby: Is it more boring than my fist in your face, you turd!

Mordecai: You're a turd!

Rigby: No, you're a turd!

Mordecai & Rigby: (Starts fighting) You're the turd!

(Pops appears)

Pops: Mordecai, Rigby, stop. We can all be turds!

Mordecai & Rigby: (Start dusting themselves off) Oh, hey Pops.

Pops: So, how do you like being the guardians of the snacks?

Rigby: It's awesome.

Mordecai: This place is lame.

(Mordecai and Rigby start fighting again)

Pops: But Mordecai, don't you like eating snacks for free?

Mordecai: What?

Pops: When I work here, all the snacks are free! Ta ta! (Walks away)

(Mordecai and Rigby look at each other for a moment, then duck down under the counter, shoveling doughnuts into their mouths.)

Rigby: I guess this means I was right about the Snack Bar.

Mordecai: Yeaa-uhh!

(A montage begins of Mordecai and Rigby eating a variety of snacks. At the end, the Snack Bar is a mess, and Mordecai and Rigby are sick from overeating.)

Mordecai: I need to eat something healthy, like a salad or something.

Rigby: What?! Are you kidding? Dude, all these snacks are free, dude. (Stops himself from vomiting) Trust me. If we keep eating, we'll feel better in no time.

Mordecai: Oh, if we eat more, we'll feel better? Dude, quit being a loser.

Rigby: Loser?! I don't know that I want to listen to the guy who was wrong about the Snack Bar being cool. No, I think I'd rather listen to the guy who's right all the time. ME. (Holds up a fried soda cup and takes a bite out of it)

Mordecai: Augh! Sick!

Rigby: Hmm. Hmm. (Grimaces in pain as his stomach rumbles)

(Clock transition to the house. It is nighttime. The scene changes to inside the house, where Mordecai is eating a salad.)

Mordecai: (Takes a bite of the salad) Ahh. I feel so much better.

Rigby: (Who is next to a blender with a doughnut, candy, and other junk food inside) So do I. (He starts the blender, grinding all the junk food into goop. He then proceeds to drink it, grimacing in pain again as his stomach rumbles.)

Mordecai: Dude, I'm telling you. If you keep eating like that, your body's gonna quit on you.

Rigby: Stop talking!

Mordecai: Whatever. I'm just trying to help. (Walks out of the kitchen)

Rigby: Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm. I showed him. (Puts another doughnut in his mouth. A split second later, Rigby is rolling on the floor, groaning in pain) Why isn't more food working?! (Screams in pain, then picks up the doughnut next to him) One more should do it... (He suddenly drops the doughnut as he loses control of his hands) Huh?! (Rigby's hands grab his face, pull him to his feet, and drag him around the room. He smashes into a wall, then falls over the fallen chair. His hands then pull really hard, causing his eyes to roll back into his head and glow) What are you doing?! (His hands keep pulling, eventually ejecting Rigby as a green glob of consciousness with Rigby's eyes.)

Rigby:  Aww, let me back in! (His body pushes him away and runs off) Wait! Come back! (Tries to follow his body, but ends up inside a bucket on the floor) Ohhh... whatever! I'm just gonna chill in this bucket!

(Clock transition to the next day. Mordecai enters the kitchen.)

Rigby: (Calling from the bucket) Mordecai! Mordecai!

Mordecai: (Sees Rigby as the green glob) Aww, SICK! What the heck is that?!

Rigby: Ha ha! Who's the loser now, Mordecai?

Mordecai: Wait... Rigby?!

Rigby: Dude, in your face! I was right! My stomach doesn't even hurt anymore.

Mordecai: That's because you don't even have a BODY anymore! Dude, this is bad.

Rigby: Yeah, bad like good! Now shovel some cheese curls into my trash hole!

Mordecai: (Sighs, picks up the bucket) You better hope Skips knows how to fix this.

(Clockwise wipe to Skips' House) 

Skips: What happened to his body?

Mordecai: Dude, I don't know. It like, ditched him or something from eating too much junk food.

Skips: Well, it looks like it's not that big of a deal, if he doesn't mind being a bodiless consciousness for the rest of his life.

Rigby: It's cool, I don't mind.

Mordecai: What?! No! Dude, quit being a loser.

Rigby: Since when does being right make you a--

Mordecai: (Puts a lid on the bucket and sighs) Skips, what do we have to do? I can't let him stay like this.

Skips: That's a bit tougher. Once the body departs, you only have till sunset to get it back. You know where it is?

Mordecai: No.

Skips: Hmm, then we have to find it. Let's go.

Mordecai: (Walking out the door with Skips) We'll be right back, Rigby. Just stay here.

(Mordecai and Skips drive away with the cart, leaving Rigby, who is stuck in the bucket, alone.)

Rigby: What? Where ya goin'? At least shovel some cheese curls into my trash hole. Guys? Guys?

(Clockwise wipe to the park; Rigby's body lays the salad down, looks both ways to make sure no one sees him, and starts eating. Cut to Skips' house.)

Rigby: ''(Moving the bucket with all his might, although bodiless; grunting) Ergghh!! ''Phew! I guess it is kinda harder to move around without my body. (Rigby then sees the hockey stick and roller skates, then comes up with an idea to move around easier)

(Clockwise wipe back to the park; Mordecai and Skips sneak behind a bush as they hear Rigby's body chewing salad)

Skips: Shh. (Parts the bushes)

Mordecai: (Whispering) What's it doing?

Skips: Eating a salad. Rush him on the count of three.

Mordecai: Okay.

Skips: One....two....

(Rigby wheels in with his new way of moving when bodiless. The tape from the hockey stick is strapped to the roller skates and his bucket.)

Rigby: (Loudly) Hey, guys! What's up?

(Rigby's body, hearing this, stops eating the salad and runs away.)

Mordecai and Skips: No!

Skips: (Points at Rigby) We told you to stay put! (Walks away)

Mordecai: Ugh! Rigby, you scared it away!

Rigby: Oh, don't worry about that! Remember how I said I don't need it? Well, I was right again! Dude, check it! (Wheels around as Mordecai watches in horror) It's a trash can and a roller blade.

Mordecai: I can't believe you! Please, just stay put! (Walks away)

Rigby: Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm. All this being right is making me hungry.

(At the Snack Bar, Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost are behind the counter, where Mordecai and Rigby were at the beginning of the episode)

Muscle Man: This. Sucks! Wait, what is that? (Sees Rigby in the bucket, skating to the Snack Bar)

Rigby: (Slams the Snack Bar door open) Gimme some snacks!

Hi Five Ghost: (Scared) What are you?!

Muscle Man: Looks like a bucket of diarrhea.

Rigby: It's me, Rigby!

Muscle Man: (Terrified) Oh, man! That boot with wheels stole Rigby's voice!

Rigby: No, I didn't steal anything.

Muscle Man: You're not stealing these voices. C'mon Five, let's bail! (They climb out of the Snack Bar and run off)

Rigby: Come back!

Muscle Man: No way, bro!

Rigby: It's me, Rigby! (Trips on a rock) Aw, man.

(Clockwise wipe to the park. Skips picks up the eaten salad.)

Skips: (Sniffs the salad) He's close. I'll take care of the body. You go find Rigby. We don't have much time.

(The sun is shown over the building as Mordecai is looking for Rigby at the Snack Bar)

Mordecai: Rigby! Rigby! Where is he?

(Walks out of the Snack Bar. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost walk up to him, armed with weapons; Muscle Man is carrying a bat and Hi Five Ghost is wearing a brass knuckle)

Mordecai: Hey, have you guys seen Rigby?

Muscle Man: No. Have you seen a magic garbage can? We need to beat the living-

Mordecai: Magic garbage can? That was Rigby! Which way did he go?

(Rigby is heard screaming; a few feet away, a trash collector is dumping Rigby into a garbage truck. He throws the skate-can back onto the ground)

Mordecai: (Gasps) Rigby!

(The truck pulls away with Rigby still inside. We see Rigby in the filthy, roach-infested truck, recoiling and squealing in horror)

Rigby: Help!

Bodybuilder: No-one can hear you.

Rigby: Who's there?

Bodybuilder: Don't worry: just another bodiless consciousness. (Admires Rigby and rolls around him, talking) Woah! Hey, did you work out way too hard, too?

Rigby: N-no. I ate too much junk food.

Bodybuilder: Yep, that'll do it. Me? I was a bodybuilder. (We see a flashback of a huge, muscular man lifting weights at a gym) I could have gone pro. My friend kept telling me, (a pink blob morphs out of the basketball and starts speaking in angry, mocking tones) "If you keep pumpin' iron like that, your body's gonna quit on you!" I told him he was full of it! (Morphs back into the basketball) But I didn't get my bod' back in time and now look at me: stuck with a basketball for a body.

Rigby: Yeah, well, my body's still good.

(The blob pops back out of the basketball for a second)

Bodybuilder: Wait, your body's still good? Well, whatcha doin' in here, dummy?

Rigby: I...

Bodybuilder: You must not want it. Mind if I take it?

Rigby: No!

(The basketball bounces away)

Bodybuilder: Don't worry, I'll find it. So long, sucka!

Rigby: (Anguished) No!!! (Falls over, crying, but looks over to see the trash door open and Mordecai appear) Mordecai! You were right and I was wrong! (Still crying) I'm sorry for being such a loser. (Pitifully whining in a high voice) Please help me get my body back!

Mordecai: Don't wory, dude. I think we can get it back in time. And even if we mess up, you've always got this! (Holds up the skate-can)

Mordecai and Rigby: Ohhhhh!!!

Rigby: But seriously, dude, I want my old body back.

Mordecai: (Into two-way radio) Skips, I found Rigby.

Skips: (Through radio) I found the body, but you'd better hurry. We got a problem.

(Rigby looks worried. The scene cuts to the park, where Rigby's body, clad in a bodybuilding outfit, is limbering up in preparation to lift a dumbbell. He tries to lift, but immediately drops the weight. The bodybuilder's essence morphs out of Rigby's body and addresses him angrily)

Bodybuilder: Body, you're worthless! (Slaps the body) I can't believe you can't do a simple clean and jerk!

(Mordecai and Skips are shown behind Rigby's body. Mordecai is holding up the trash can with Rigby in it)

Rigby: Hey! What are you doin' with my body?!

Bodybuilder: Oh, it's you! (Morphs back into Rigby's body) Whaddaya think? Pretty cool, huh?

Rigby: No, not pretty cool. You dress me like a loser!

Bodybuilder: (Flexes grossly) Aw, you don't like weightlifting singlets? No wonder your body left you. Oh well. Now it's not you anymore... (Flexes again) It's me!

Rigby: Augh! Gimme back my body!

Bodybuilder: Finders keepers.

Mordecai: Skips!

Skips: We tried it the nice way. Now we do it the Skips way.

(Skips' nipples glitter and thump. The bodybuilder looks nervous for a second, then throws his singlet towards Mordecai and runs off)

Bodybuilder: So long, suckers!

(Mordecai, Rigby and Skips chase the bodybuilder through the park. The bodybuilder sprints ahead onto the road, knocking over a cyclist in his haste.)

Skips: He's too fast.

(Pops pulls alongside in a golf cart)

Pops: Are you having a game of tag, turds?

Skips: I really wish you wouldn't teach him those words.

(Skips and Mordecai jump into the cart, with Rigby in hand. Skips takes the wheel)

Skips: Pops, slide over.

(The chase continues up and down the park hill)

Rigby: I'll take it from here!

(Rigby dives from the cart before Mordecai can grab him)

Mordecai: Rigby! No!

(Rigby and his body are seen tumbling down the side of the switchback road as the cart continues on the pavement)

Skips: It's too steep. We'll have to go around.

(Further down the road, Rigby and his body emerge from the bushes, still fighting)

Rigby: Give me my body back!

Bodybuilder: No! Get off me!

(Rigby manages to crawl back into his body.)

Rigby: Get outta my body!

(The two essences pop out of Rigby's chest and continue to wrestle)

Bodybuilder: No: you get outta the body, you worm!

(The bodybuilder's essence throws Rigby's essence at the cart, hitting Skips on the face. Skips swerves the cart and blindly runs into Rigby's body, sending the bodybuilder's essence flying to a nearby playground, where he lands on a slide and becomes one with it. A fat kid slides down and is seen walking away from the slide)

Bodybuilder: Aw, man, my mouth was open!

(Back at the cart, the four park workers look at Rigby's body on the road. It has a tire track right across its back)

Rigby: Dude, we did it! I got my body back!

Mordecai: (Moans in disgust) Are you sure you still want it?

(We zoom in on the body and see it even more mangled, with flies buzzing around it. Rigby picks up the body and its arms hang limp and broken)

Rigby: I'll never treat you like that again.

Skips: Quick! Before the sun sets!

(As Rigby watches the sun set, he dives into his body, which shoots out white light in beautiful rays)

Pops: (Eyes wide in wonder) Glorious.

(The white light stops, and Rigby's eyes roll forward in his head. He blinks in recognition. Mordecai leans over him and puts a hand on his belly)

Mordecai: Dude. How do you feel?

Rigby: (Pause) Aaaauuuggghhh!

(Cuts to the interior of the Snack Bar, where Rigby is wrapped almost entirely in plaster, sitting on a wheelchair, with bleary eyes)

Rigby: Well Mordecai, I guess you were right about the Snack Bar being lame. Especially now that we're not into eating all the free snacks.

Mordecai: Oh, about that. Those snacks weren't free.

Rigby: What?

Mordecai: Turns out only Pops gets snacks for free.

Rigby: (Pitiful whine) Pops?

Mordecai: Yeah. And I guess we're supposed to work here for the next six months just to pay for it all.

Rigby: Awww, turds!

(End of Rigby's Body)